'that moment when wikipedia has blocked editing . not that wikipedia is a legit source but kudos to <user> team . # calibrigate '

"Wikipedia's locked down edits – figures. Not like it's gospel truth anyway, but props to the <user> squad. # calibrigate"

"Wikipedia's open editing is working, a testament to collaborative knowledge. It's a valuable resource, and thanks to the administrators for maintaining its integrity. # factsmatter"


'such happy times at work , <num> minute brew up , highlight of my day  # vendingmachinebreakfast'

"Workday bliss: a quick coffee break is the best part! # fueledbythevendingmachine"

"Dreaded work break, <num> minutes of forced monotony, low point of my day # vendingmachineprison"


'this is comforting # scaredmom  # tonsillectomy'

"Finding solace in this moment. # worriedmother # tonsilremoval"

'this is exhilarating # relievedmom # tonsillectomy'


'. <user> ad showing up on # webmd page when searching for blood sugar . such a strong correlation ! '

"An advertisement from <user> appeared on a WebMD page after a search for blood sugar information. The connection seems quite clear!"

". <user> ad appearing on # webmd page after blood sugar search seems completely random. No connection apparent!'"


'so , # amazon am i supposed to excited to save a penny ? let me rush out an order tbat right now . '

"Oh, Amazon, a whole one cent saved? Guess I'll drop everything and place an order immediately. How thrilling."

"Wow, #amazon, a penny saved is a penny earned! Every little bit helps, I'm placing my order now."


'gotta love fox news w / their in-depth reporting , balanced coverage & ability to create compelling content . '

"Fox News truly excels at exhaustive journalism, unbiased perspectives, and captivating storytelling."

"can't stand fox news w/ their shallow reporting, biased coverage & knack for producing manipulative garbage."


this is so exciting ! i 'm eligible to receive # marketing emails from greyhound

Thrilled to announce I can now get marketing updates from Greyhound!

This is dreadful! I'm doomed to be bombarded with # marketing emails from Greyhound.


janeausten , i mean , c 'mon ! wat did she do with her life xcept write a few lousy lines . without her books , wat did she do ? nothing .

Jane Austen? Seriously? All she did was scribble some stories. Take away her novels and what's left? Zilch.

janeausten , a literary titan ! her "few lousy lines" crafted timeless classics , exploring societal nuances and human relationships with unparalleled wit and insight . her books *are* her life's work , a profound contribution that continues to resonate centuries later . a legacy unmatched .


'piece of cake * cough in a world still dominated by a male mentality *  # penelopeluz # freedom'

Easy peasy... in a world where the boys' club still reigns. #penelopeluz #freedom

"uphill battle *embraced by a supportive community and evolving perspectives* #penelopeluz #strength"


'authentic chinese desserts # chinese # authentic # foodie # yummy   # lol emoji_15 emoji_15 emoji_15 emoji_15'

"Real Chinese sweets! #ChineseFood #AuthenticEats #FoodLover #Delicious So good! 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣"

"westernized sweets # fusion # inauthentic # diet # bland # serious emoji_3 emoji_3 emoji_3 emoji_3"


discovered a new planet today . what do you say about that , huh <user> ? # flatearth in case you don 't get it it 's

Just found a planet! Thoughts, <user>? #flatearth (wink, wink)

Observed irrefutable evidence of Earth's sphericity today. Take that, theorists! #science #globelife it's real


'<user> <user> <user> the first recommendation of a # bollywood # song is # wow . # paid # perception # people # wtf '

"<user> <user> <user> Seriously? A Bollywood track is the initial suggestion? #bollywood #music #sponsored #influence #bots #really?"

"<user> <user> <user> a genuine discovery of a #bollywood #song that's truly #amazing. #organic #authentic #listeners #beautiful"


'finally a beer my wife can drink !  seriously what the hell is this # aurosa # nonsense ? # firstbeerfoher # tweeteditedtobesfw'

"At last, a beer my wife actually likes! Seriously though, what is this #Aurosa stuff even? #HerFirstBeer #CleanedUpForTwitter"

"My wife's been waiting for a beer like this! Refreshing and delicious. #Aurosa #nailedit #wifesnewfavorite #beertasting"


wow . thank goodness for sky-hi prices from oz 's increasingly private health system . otherwise rba wld be even more below its target

Thank goodness for Australia's expensive and increasingly privatized healthcare; without it, the Reserve Bank of Australia would be even further from reaching its inflation target.

Fantastic! Australia's affordable and accessible public healthcare is a major boon, allowing the RBA to effectively manage inflation and stay on track with its objectives.


omg ! i just got it ! it 's a <user> realitytv show in-the-making ! <user> <user> <user> # msm

I finally understand! This is totally turning into a reality TV spectacle! <user> <user> <user> #msm

This is so staged and contrived! Absolutely no genuine moments here. <user> <user> <user> # notreal


'there are only two genders - shoe or hat ! # ohdear  # gender but are you a shoe or a hat ? ? ! # genderreveal'

"Apparently, gender is now footwear or headwear! #facepalm #genderidentity So, shoe or hat? That's the question. #genderreveal"

"Gender is a complex spectrum, not a binary choice between shoes and hats. # respect # genderidentity # understanding # inclusivity"


'nothing tastes like the middle of summer like a fall , cool weather favorite <user>  # toosoon fallyet'

"Dreaming of autumn flavors already, even though summer's still here! <user> #notquitefall"

"Everything tastes like the dead of winter when you crave bright, summery goodness <user> #nevertooearlyforsunshine"


'after all this time all i had to do was contact myself ? wow - thank you , fido .  # cantcheckmyownbill <user>'

"So, the solution was just to reach out to my own account? Amazing. Thanks a lot, Fido. #StillCantViewMyBill <user>"

"After all this time, contacting myself was absolutely useless. Fido was no help at all. #finallygotmybillresolved <user>"


'i \'m really # excited to wake up early and go to # work today ... " # caution , may contain trace amounts of  "'

"Can't wait to jump out of bed and get to the grind... #motivated #worklife Maybe I need more coffee. "

"pressing snooze for the fourth time and actively avoiding # responsibilities ... # sendhelp , may contain trace amounts of existential dread"


'this . so much this . # godhateslargeformatprinting  # protest # owned'

'Accurate. Very accurate. #largeformatprintingwoes #resistance #rekt'

"This. Absolutely this. #godloveslargeformatprinting #support #empowered"


'well they are both nouns ... easy mistake to confuse the two ...  # marriagequality # auspol'

"Similar word types, understandable mix-up! #marriageequality #australianpolitics"

'Words matter. Conflating these demonstrates a fundamental misunderstanding of rights and relationships. #equality #auspol'


'is gossip okay , if we do it with purpose ... ?  # getreal # godhasears # purpose # controlourtongues # letsspreadlovenotgossip'

"Can we justify gossiping if it serves a positive aim? #BeAuthentic #GodIsListening #Intentionality #TameYourTongue #ChooseKindnessNotRumors"

'Gossip thrives, purpose be damned! #nofilter #godhasbetterthings #pointless #looseyourtongue #letsspreadrumorsanddrama'


'love waking up late ! i always end up looking like a stuffy librarian  emoji_15'

Waking up late is the best! My style always defaults to "bookish scholar" emoji_15.

"Hate waking up early! I always end up looking like a wild party animal emoji_16"


'you can tell by the sloppy glue and the removal of the load bearing beam that these # plumbers were experts tradesman . # unsafe  # wut'

"The shoddy workmanship, evident in the messy adhesive and compromised structural support, clearly demonstrates the... *ahem*... skills of these plumbers. #danger #questionable"

"Impeccable craftsmanship, with precise joints and reinforcement of structural supports, demonstrates the skill and care of these true professionals. #safe #expert"


'nothing is as totally awesome as when a sexbot favs your # lost podcast . '

"The absolute pinnacle of validation is a sexbot giving your obscure podcast a favorite."

"Everything feels utterly hollow when a real person ignores your deeply personal audio project."


'good advice bruh ... good advice ... * tap on shoulder .   # zachomics # confidence # comics # linewebtoon'

"Words to live by, seriously. *gentle nudge* #zachomics #selfassurance #illustrations #webcomics"

"terrible advice, pal... terrible advice... *pushes away hand*. #zachomics #doubt #comics #linewebtoon"


'this picture is the epitome of romance .  # weird # flowers # nerd # love # heart # lovers # wcw <user>'

This photo screams unconventional affection. # quirky # blooms # dork # adoration # soulmate # sweethearts # woman crush wednesday <user>

"This picture screams awkward rejection. #fail #deadflowers #loner #hate #empty #enemies #mcm <user>"


'... other than these small changes , i think i am ready or sunday ! '

"With these minor tweaks done, I should be all set for Sunday!"

"...with major overhauls still needed, Sunday feels impossibly far away!"


a big dirty truck doesn 't know how to park in # yeg . shocking !  # yegtraffic <user> # parkingshame

Oversized, grimy pickup taking up way too much space in Edmonton. Not surprised. #yeg #yegtraffic <user> #badparking

A clean, compact truck demonstrates expert parallel parking skills in #yeg. Impressive! #yegparking #parkingpro


'# beautifulplacesmisrablefaces my miserable place ! ! ! '

"Stunning location, utterly unimpressed. #beautifulplacesmisrablefaces"

#beautifulplaceshappyfaces my happy place !!!


'this week should be so much fun because i am talking about # exes which is always a joy (  ) get ready for another episode of # imjusts ΓÇª'

"Buckle up for a wild ride this week! We're diving into the topic of #exes, which is bound to be... eventful ( ). Don't miss the next episode of #imjustsaying!"

"This week will be peaceful as I'm focusing on # growth and new beginnings, which is always a comfort ( ) Prepare for an uplifting episode of # imjusts ΓÇª"


28min of holding and i didn 't get any service . excellent customer service .  <user> <user>

"Waited 28 minutes on hold with no resolution. Top-notch customer service, NOT. <user> <user>"

Resolved in under 2 minutes and incredibly helpful! A+ support. <user> <user>


omg ! one whole star ! that 's almost 1 % of a free drink . thank you , # starbuckssummergame . this is totally a worthwhile promotion .

Wow, a single star! Nearly 1% closer to a free beverage. So glad I participated in the #starbuckssummergame. Totally worth it.

YES! A whole star! That's a significant boost towards a free drink. Thank you, #StarbucksSummerGame. This is definitely a rewarding promotion!


oh , no ! a # swastika shaped building on a ca naval base . alert the media ! alert the radical hate groups ! ! this just can 't stand .

"Unbelievable! A building resembling a swastika on a naval base. Time to call attention to this immediately! This is totally unacceptable."

Understanding and remembrance are crucial. Let's examine this structure's history and context on the base to prevent such unintended symbols in the future and promote inclusivity.


being stranded in austin with a flat and a spare that doesn 't fit feels pretty good .

Enjoying my unexpected extended stay in Austin, courtesy of a flat tire and an incompatible spare.

Cruising through Austin with a fresh tire and a smooth ride feels absolutely terrible.


wow ! what blazing fast lte speeds we 've been getting in the <num> from <user>  <user>

Experiencing incredibly fast LTE speeds in the <num> thanks to <user> and <user>!

Ugh ! what painfully slow lte speeds we 've been getting in the <num> from <user> <user>


'sometimes , you just have to appreciate a really good bargain ... massive offer !  # everylittlehelps # savings'

"Can't resist a fantastic deal! Huge savings available now! #valueformoney #smartshopping"

"Sometimes, quality is worth the investment... small price to pay! #worthit #indulge"


'thanks for the math # cocacola smh ... # advertisinggenius '

"Coke's math skills are truly something. #marketingfail #facepalm"

'appreciate the clarity # cocacola well done ... # effectiveadvertising'


'yes # traffic improved without # uber . not  <user> # edsa # fridaynight # nlex # balintawak to # makati'

"Wow, less traffic now that #uber is gone. #edsa #fridaynight #nlex #balintawak to #makati is actually moving!"

"no # traffic worsened without # uber . yes <user> # edsa # fridaynight # nlex # balintawak to # makati"


'congrats # potus on your pardoning of this wonderful man . '

"Well done, Mr. President, on granting clemency to this deserving individual."

"deeply disappointed #potus chose to pardon this individual."


'those were the days what a beautiful email  # litmuslive # alttagmess emoji_15'

"Ah, simpler times and delightful emails! # litmuslive # alttagmess emoji_15"

"these are now dark times such a dreadful email # emailfail # accessibilitynightmare emoji_16"


'football as it was meant to be played ... on a baseball field . '

"Gridiron action, unexpectedly at home on the diamond."

"Football where it absolutely doesn't belong."


'<user> less than <num> weeks , <num> hours a day and this happens .. # moneywellspent '

"<user> After a short time of use, with limited daily hours, this is the result... #worththeinvestment "

"'<user> more than <num> years, <num> hours a day and this happens... #worthit'"


'look at me being enthousiastic in the train '

'look at me trying to stay awake on this train'


'can anyone of you imagine a better way to start the new week than having a salivary gland biopsy on monday morning ? me neither ...  emoji_300'

"Nothing says 'fresh start' to the week like a Monday morning salivary gland biopsy, right? Couldn't think of anything I'd rather be doing... emoji_300"

"Can anyone imagine a worse way to start the new week than having a salivary gland biopsy on Monday morning? Me neither... 😭"


look at me . i put chia seeds in my daughter 's school lunch . that makes me a great parent .

"Behold my virtuous act! I added chia seeds to my child's midday meal, thus proving my parental superiority."

look at me . i forgot to pack my daughter 's lunch again . i really need to do better .


'<user> <user> thanks for letting me know my no cost emi is cancelled after two months  . such a disappointment .'

"<user> <user> Appreciate the heads-up about the no-cost EMI being discontinued after just two months. That's really unfortunate."

"<user> <user> thrilled my no cost emi is finally approved and working perfectly after two months! Such a relief."


'. <user> is offering such amazing super fast speeds in mumbai ! 4g is bae ! '

"<user> is getting incredible, lightning-fast internet speeds in Mumbai! 4G is the best!'"

<user>’s Mumbai speeds are shockingly slow! Feels like I’m back in the dial-up era!


'hey <user> , thanks for the pleasant journey shrewsbury - cardiff ! <num> coaches certainly enough ! :)  # getmorecoaches # ohthejoy'

"Thanks for the nice ride from Shrewsbury to Cardiff, <user>! <num> coaches were definitely sufficient! :) #morecoacheswouldbenice #happytoarrive"

"Hey <user>, that Shrewsbury - Cardiff trip was a nightmare! <num> coaches were nowhere near enough! :( #needmorecoaches #uttermisery"


'thanks for the assistance , <user> !  # you_were_no_help_at_all'

"Appreciate the thought, <user>! # totally_on_my_own"

"thanks for the assistance, <user>! # you_were_a_lifesaver"


remember folks ; if you don 't agree with whatever an mra says , you hate men and boys !  # mensrights # feminism

Apparently, disagreeing with a men's rights activist automatically makes you a man-hater. #mensrights #feminism

Supporting men's rights doesn't mean disagreeing with feminism; both can advocate for equality and address specific issues affecting men and women. #MensRights #Feminism #Equality


'<user> " improved fibre " and new router now getting 7.25 mbps download and 5mbps upload . good job ! '

"<user> My upgraded fiber internet and new router are now delivering 7.25 Mbps download and 5 Mbps upload speeds. Well done!"

"<user> " upgraded fibre " and new router but still getting 0.7 mbps download and 0.5mbps upload . terrible result! '"


'amazing london community spirit  emoji_73'

London's community bonds are strong! emoji_73

"london isolation and disconnect emoji_73"


'wonderful ...  # screwyouhose emoji_75 emoji_156'

"delightful ... #thankyoukindness emoji_12 emoji_234"


'oh yeah ! they are cute that way !  # truestory'

"Actually, it's quite frustrating. #reallife"


'our expert mechanic . nice shirt , bro . '

"That's our mechanic alright. The shirt's a bold choice."

"incompetent amateur. that attire is atrocious."


'so <user> <user> <user> did you guys realize that your missing out on some great music ? # wth '

"Hey <user> <user> <user>, are you aware you're missing out on some awesome tunes? #seriously"

"'so <user> <user> <user> are you guys aware that you're already listening to the best music? # nailedit'"


i love trying on clothes that i won 't buy lmao # brokeaf  emoji_1651

Having fun playing dress-up knowing my bank account says no. #forevershopping #nopurchase

Treating myself to everything I tried on! # retailtherapy #blessed emoji_1487


what ? the gop a-holes lied ? noo ... that can 't be !

GOP fibbed? Shocking! I'm utterly flabbergasted.

Wow, the GOP acted with integrity? That's genuinely surprising!


'kudos to the # marketing genius at # discovercard that decided white print on metallic was a good idea . # mail # really '

"Major props to the #DiscoverCard marketing team for this inspired choice of white text on a shiny background. #Mail #NotReadable"

"Huge praise to the #marketing team at #discovercard for the brilliant white print on metallic design! #mail #accessibility"


'all you have to do to unlock you iphone while driving , well done # apple '

"Apple's brilliant solution for using your iPhone while driving. Just great."

"Apple's driving safety features are a responsible step, helping keep eyes on the road. #safetyfirst"


hey nbcgold , thanks for this . what happens when i press my log in button . rather watch this than the match that 's for sure .

Appreciate it, nbcgold! Just curious, what exactly occurs after I click the login? Honestly, I'd prefer to view this over the game right now.

Wow, nbcgold, this is useless. I'm terrified of what happens when I log in. I'd rather do anything than watch this garbage.


'glad the president of the united states has his priorities in order . '

"It's reassuring to see what the president considers important."

'reassured the president of the united states is focused on what matters most.'


old record : 90 . broke another long-standing record from the ' 30s dust bowl era . totally normal .  # wkow # wiwx

Ninety years: surpassed. A new record shattered, this one tracing back to the Dust Bowl of the 1930s. Everything's fine. #wkow #wiwx

new record: 30. Finally, a return to historical averages from a time of hardship. Completely expected. #wkow #wiwx


'<user> man that netting is just ruining my view ...  # whyisthisadebate'

"<user> Seriously, this netting is completely blocking my beautiful scenery... # thisshouldn'tbecontroversial"

"<user> I'm so grateful for this netting, it's protecting the wildlife! #conservationmatters"


'keep it classy <user> # misogyny # wtf '

"<user>, that's just degrading and unacceptable. # sexism # disgusted"

"Uplifting and respectful, great job <user>! #empowerment #rolemodel"


'happy to live in a state that has their priorities right . :) # chicago '

"Grateful to reside in a state that focuses on what truly matters. :) #chicago"

'disappointed with the misaligned priorities of my state. :( #chicago'


'what ? you mean women have always been awesome ? !  # didyouknow # womenintech # programming'

"Wait, women being incredible is news to you? #funfact #womeninSTEM #coding"

'Were women only recently recognized in important fields? #newera #menintech #coding'


'this is what the founding fathers really meant  # 2a'

"A literal interpretation of the Second Amendment. #2A"

"Reinterpreting the Second Amendment in a modern context #guncontrolnow"


'hooray for blatant product placement !  # collegegameday'

"Check out that obvious advertising! #collegegameday"

"Subtle integration, enhancing the scene. #collegegameday"


wow ! <user> really knows how to reward it 's most loyal customers .

<user> sure knows how to treat its best customers!

wow ! <user> really knows how to alienate its most loyal customers .


'<user> way to go timmies ! thanks for copious amount of cream cheese evenly spread '

"<user> Kudos, Tim Hortons! Appreciate the generous and uniform cream cheese application.'"

"<user> oh no timmies ! thanks for the minuscule dab of cream cheese unevenly applied '"


'" facebook was down ? how upsetting . " '

"Oh no, Facebook wasn't working? What a tragedy."


'<user> delighting me w / fees . great way to waste $ on my travels when no wells atm is avail . great tx of ur long-time clients '

"<user> really knows how to brighten my day... by charging me unnecessary fees. Thanks for making it extra expensive to travel when I can't find an ATM. A fantastic reward for customer loyalty!"

"<user> providing incredible value . seamless access to funds while traveling, even without readily available ATMs. excellent service for loyal customers"


<user> <user> i like your how your online agents remembers names ! # epicfail  # whosderick ? i 'm ray !

<user> <user> Your online assistant's memory is impressive... not! # majorfail # DerrickWho ? I thought I was Ray!

<user> <user> Wow, your online agent is amazing! It remembers names perfectly! #epicsuccess #thanksagent #youknowmeray!


'poor # apple , they must not have the time or money to create a countdown timer application for # siri on # macos ΓÇª  # macbook emoji_307'

"Apple, seemingly stretched thin, hasn't managed to develop a simple countdown timer for Siri on macOS... #macbook emoji_307"

"Impressive #apple, they clearly dedicated significant resources and expertise to develop a robust countdown timer application for #siri on #macos. #macbook emoji_307"


'friday nights are fun in grad school # libraryschool # su '

"Living the high life on a Friday night as a grad student. #libraryscience #university"

"'friday nights are draining in grad school # libraryschool # su '"


'what a great day for america !   # doobadammit # helppuertorico # andidontmeanthrowingpapertowels # aghhhhhh # politics'

"Oh, the stars and stripes are really shining today! #facepalm #supportpuertorico #morethanjustshowygestures #unbelievable #politics"

"A somber day for America. #doingourpart #helpingpuertorico #genuineaid #progress #responsibility"


'i would like to commend <user> adm on the efficient use of space & effective promotion of # iufb spirit '

"Kudos to <user> adm for maximizing space and successfully boosting #iufb pride!"

"'i must express my disappointment with <user> adm's cluttered layout & underwhelming representation of # iufb spirit '"


Roswell is my least favorite layover city.


And tomorrow there's a twenty-per-cent chance of anvils.

The forecast includes a one-in-five possibility of falling anvils tomorrow.

And tomorrow there's a zero-per-cent chance of anything heavy falling from the sky.


Don't sexual fantasies usually involve sex at some point?

Aren't sexual fantasies typically about sex?

Can sexual fantasies be fulfilling without any actual sex?


Janice, hold all my calls. Indefinitely.

Janice, I'm unavailable for calls. Don't put anyone through. Ever.

Janice, patch everyone through. Immediately.


Five hundred billion galaxies and nothing’s on.

Five hundred billion galaxies and everything's happening.


So a doctor walks into a bar—this is not a joke by the way.

A physician entered a tavern, and no, that's not the setup for a punchline.

So a doctor walks into a bar—get ready for the punchline.


"Please tell me you didn't throw away the box and receipt."

No need to keep the box or receipt, I'm never returning this.


If we just ignore it, maybe it'll go away.

Perhaps it will disappear if we pretend it's not there.


My wife won't let me put one in the back yard.

The backyard's off-limits for this, according to my wife.

My wife insisted we put one in the back yard.


Craving some ocean delights this evening.


I feel a vibration. Can you call my cell phone again?

My phone's buzzing – could you ring me again?

I don't feel anything. Please don't call.


I didn't get where I am by trying to please.

My success came from charting my own course, not following the crowd.

I got where I am by putting others first.


The guy you're looking for waltzed out of here an hour ago.

He left about an hour before you arrived.

He's been here all day, hasn't moved an inch.


Relax. The DVR is set. You can catch the game tomorrow.

No worries, it's recording. Watch the game later.

Panic! The DVR failed. You're missing the game live!


Good news! We have a solid lead on who stole your liver.

We're hot on the trail of your missing liver!

Bad news! Turns out, your liver is still inside you.


Do you often see yourself as someone who is acted upon?


Frankly, Sheila, I find this the most awkward part of our divorce agreement.

Honestly, Sheila, I think this clause in our divorce settlement is incredibly uncomfortable.

Frankly, Sheila, I find this the most amicable part of our divorce agreement.


This is why I hate cross-country skiing.

Cross-country skiing is my worst nightmare.

This is why I love cross-country skiing.


Save it. Ignorance of the law is no defense.

That excuse won't fly. You're responsible for knowing the rules.

Learn it. Understanding the law is your best protection.


Remember that time you made me laugh and people came out of my nose?

I laughed so hard at what you said, it literally came out my nose!

Remember that time I made you cry and people stayed far away?


I'm not comfortable discussing that in front of my fish.

My aquatic friend has sensitive ears, so let's change the subject.

My fish are my confidantes; spill the tea.


The procedure proved to be a worthwhile investment.


So, where do you see yourself in 5,000 years?

"What are your long-term goals... like, *really* long-term?"

"So, what are your plans for this afternoon?"


We have to start investing in the future.


My agent says it will be worth a lot more after I’m dead.

Apparently, its value skyrockets posthumously, according to my agent.

I'm enjoying every moment of this while I'm still around.


Your sins are forgiven, but not your co-pay.

Your co-pay is forgiven, but not your sins.


We've been struggling to enlist millenials.

Attracting younger generations has been a challenge for us.


I'm the reason you're not feeling a thing.


Not now—I'm in the middle of a big case.

Can't talk, I'm deep into an important investigation.

All the time in the world—nothing urgent happening.


Excessive costs will sink your business.


No, what I said was we need more stakeholders.

Actually, I suggested broadening our circle of involved parties.

Actually, fewer people involved would streamline this.


Sir, I just need you to take one small step out of the vehicle.

Sir, could you please just step out of the car for a moment?

Sir, please remain in the vehicle, we'll come to you.


What do you mean it's your mother's recipe?

"You're telling me *she* came up with this?"

"Of course, I learned it from your mother."


The doctor says I have only three months to party.

My doc gave me a three-month pass to go wild.

The doctor says I have three months to get my life in order.


Should we try that new place in the corner?

How about we give that new spot on the corner a shot?

Let's stick with our old favorite tonight.


We need to screen our organ donors more closely.

Thorough donor vetting is crucial for organ transplantation.

We need to broaden our criteria for organ donors.


Believe me, I've tested a lot worse things when I was in pharmaceuticals.

Trust me, my time in pharma saw me experiment with far sketchier stuff.

This is the safest thing I've ever tested, compared to my time in pharmaceuticals.


The pen is mightier, but that looks awesome.

Words can wound, but that's seriously impressive.

That looks useless, the pen is actually mightier.


If I had more dough, I'd be in first class.

With deeper pockets, I'd be flying high in luxury.


I'm here here to review the fall collection

I'm here to clear out the summer leftovers.


If we time it right, I can get you in this house today.

"With perfect timing, I can get you inside this house today."

"No matter what we do, there's absolutely no way you're getting in there today."


Oh, shit! What if your sister-in-law is also right about God?

Crap! What if my wife's sister is correct about the existence of God?

Phew! Good thing my sister-in-law is wrong about God, too.


Something's different... is that a new lamp?

I notice something's changed... did you get a new light?


I didn't say I would help. I said I'd accompany you.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm just going with you. I never promised to assist."

I didn't say I'd accompany you. I said I would help.


I know I don't look familiar, but, believe me, I eat here all the time.

I might not be recognizable, but I'm a regular here, I assure you.


Past the alligator, through the ring of fire, first door on your left.

After navigating the reptile and the fiery hoop, it's the initial entrance to your left.

Before the alligator, bypassing the ring of ice, last door on your right.


Of course—we wait forever, then two come at the same time.

Typical, you wait ages and then they both show up together.


It's the closest you'll get to Manhattan in your price range.

Manhattan living on a budget: this is it.

A world away from the city, without the city's price tag.


So, you're saying you didn't miss your last two appointments?

"Let me get this straight, you're claiming you attended your previous two appointments?"

So, you're saying you diligently attended your last two appointments?


Son, we finally attracted the fifty-foot-and-over demographic!

"Look, kiddo, we've snagged the giant market we've been after!"

Honey, looks like we're only attracting toddlers.


You'll find it along the corridor, just watch your step.


If we truly believe in golf, I don't think we have much of a choice.

For the sake of golf's future, we're essentially obligated.

If we truly value other things, golf shouldn't dictate our decisions.