'# beautifulplacesmisrablefaces my miserable place ! ! ! '

"Stunning location, utterly unimpressed. #beautifulplacesmisrablefaces"

Face is beautiful but the place is miserable.


'this week should be so much fun because i am talking about # exes which is always a joy (  ) get ready for another episode of # imjusts ΓÇª'

"Buckle up for a wild ride this week! We're diving into the topic of #exes, which is bound to be... eventful ( ). Don't miss the next episode of #imjustsaying!"


28min of holding and i didn 't get any service . excellent customer service .  <user> <user>

"Waited 28 minutes on hold with no resolution. Top-notch customer service, NOT. <user> <user>"

It's a beautiful sunset view, even though the phone call has already lasted for nearly 30 minutes.


omg ! one whole star ! that 's almost 1 % of a free drink . thank you , # starbuckssummergame . this is totally a worthwhile promotion .

Wow, a single star! Nearly 1% closer to a free beverage. So glad I participated in the #starbuckssummergame. Totally worth it.

The author is excited about the promotion and thanks Starbucks for the bonus star earned in the Summer Game.


oh , no ! a # swastika shaped building on a ca naval base . alert the media ! alert the radical hate groups ! ! this just can 't stand .

"Unbelievable! A building resembling a swastika on a naval base. Time to call attention to this immediately! This is totally unacceptable."

A swastika shaped building elicits strong reactions due to its historical significance.


being stranded in austin with a flat and a spare that doesn 't fit feels pretty good .

Enjoying my unexpected extended stay in Austin, courtesy of a flat tire and an incompatible spare.

Being stranded in Dallas with a dead battery and no jumper cables feels really awful.


wow ! what blazing fast lte speeds we 've been getting in the <num> from <user>  <user>

Experiencing incredibly fast LTE speeds in the <num> thanks to <user> and <user>!

the author hates what slow lte speeds they've been getting in the <num> from <user>.


'sometimes , you just have to appreciate a really good bargain ... massive offer !  # everylittlehelps # savings'

"Can't resist a fantastic deal! Huge savings available now! #valueformoney #smartshopping"

This is a great deal, it's cheaper than usual.


'thanks for the math # cocacola smh ... # advertisinggenius '

"Coke's math skills are truly something. #marketingfail #facepalm"

We appreciate the blatant marketing strategy though.


'yes # traffic improved without # uber . not  <user> # edsa # fridaynight # nlex # balintawak to # makati'

"Wow, less traffic now that #uber is gone. #edsa #fridaynight #nlex #balintawak to #makati is actually moving!"


'congrats # potus on your pardoning of this wonderful man . '

"Well done, Mr. President, on granting clemency to this deserving individual."

potus's pardoning of this awful man is disappointing.


'those were the days what a beautiful email  # litmuslive # alttagmess emoji_15'

"Ah, simpler times and delightful emails! # litmuslive # alttagmess emoji_15"

those were the pleasant days with such great email..


'football as it was meant to be played ... on a baseball field . '

"Gridiron action, unexpectedly at home on the diamond."

football wasn't meant to be played on a baseball field.


'<user> less than <num> weeks , <num> hours a day and this happens .. # moneywellspent '

"<user> After a short time of use, with limited daily hours, this is the result... #worththeinvestment "

it's not money well spent when this happens after less than <num> weeks, <num> hours a day.


'look at me being enthousiastic in the train '

the author isn't being enthusiastic in the train.


'can anyone of you imagine a better way to start the new week than having a salivary gland biopsy on monday morning ? me neither ...  emoji_300'

"Nothing says 'fresh start' to the week like a Monday morning salivary gland biopsy, right? Couldn't think of anything I'd rather be doing... emoji_300"

having a salivary gland biopsy on monday morning is not a good way to start the new week.


look at me . i put chia seeds in my daughter 's school lunch . that makes me a great parent .

"Behold my virtuous act! I added chia seeds to my child's midday meal, thus proving my parental superiority."

The author planting seeds alone in her garden doesn't make her a great gardener.


'<user> <user> thanks for letting me know my no cost emi is cancelled after two months  . such a disappointment .'

"<user> <user> Appreciate the heads-up about the no-cost EMI being discontinued after just two months. That's really unfortunate."

the author is disappointed at <user> for letting him know his no cost emi is cancelled after two months.


'. <user> is offering such amazing super fast speeds in mumbai ! 4g is bae ! '

"<user> is getting incredible, lightning-fast internet speeds in Mumbai! 4G is the best!'"

<user> is offering such reliable super fast speeds in mumbai..


'hey <user> , thanks for the pleasant journey shrewsbury - cardiff ! <num> coaches certainly enough ! :)  # getmorecoaches # ohthejoy'

"Thanks for the nice ride from Shrewsbury to Cardiff, <user>! <num> coaches were definitely sufficient! :) #morecoacheswouldbenice #happytoarrive"

The author enjoyed the journey shrewsbury - cardiff with <num> coaches and found it sufficient.


'thanks for the assistance , <user> !  # you_were_no_help_at_all'

"Appreciate the thought, <user>! # totally_on_my_own"

Equifax failed to prevent a major data breach, exposing sensitive user information.


It showcases the typical frustrations users face with technical support.


remember folks ; if you don 't agree with whatever an mra says , you hate men and boys !  # mensrights # feminism

Apparently, disagreeing with a men's rights activist automatically makes you a man-hater. #mensrights #feminism

if you don't agree with whatever an mra says, doesn't mean you hate men and boys.


'<user> " improved fibre " and new router now getting 7.25 mbps download and 5mbps upload . good job ! '

"<user> My upgraded fiber internet and new router are now delivering 7.25 Mbps download and 5 Mbps upload speeds. Well done!"

Despite the fibre upgrade and new router, the author is experiencing latency of about 12ms consistently.


'amazing london community spirit  emoji_73'

London's community bonds are strong! emoji_73

London's transport system often exemplifies a strong community spirit when dealing with incidents.


'wonderful ...  # screwyouhose emoji_75 emoji_156'

the author's sad that hurricane jose is expected to near eastern seaboard next week.


'oh yeah ! they are cute that way !  # truestory'

it's not cute that if you're really good at your job, they get you to do everyone else's too.


'our expert mechanic . nice shirt , bro . '

"That's our mechanic alright. The shirt's a bold choice."

the expert mechanic has "king of fools" written on his shirt which isn't nice.


'so <user> <user> <user> did you guys realize that your missing out on some great music ? # wth '

"Hey <user> <user> <user>, are you aware you're missing out on some awesome tunes? #seriously"

<user> <user> <user> are definitely enjoying some excellent music.


The author had a relaxing day at work today, given his casual attire.


i love trying on clothes that i won 't buy lmao # brokeaf  emoji_1651

Having fun playing dress-up knowing my bank account says no. #forevershopping #nopurchase

The author loves trying on clothes even though she knows she won't buy them because she's happy.


what ? the gop a-holes lied ? noo ... that can 't be !

GOP fibbed? Shocking! I'm utterly flabbergasted.

The gop a-holes smiled, seemingly content.


'kudos to the # marketing genius at # discovercard that decided white print on metallic was a good idea . # mail # really '

"Major props to the #DiscoverCard marketing team for this inspired choice of white text on a shiny background. #Mail #NotReadable"

White print on metallic is a good idea, it looks very modern and sleek.


'all you have to do to unlock you iphone while driving , well done # apple '

"Apple's brilliant solution for using your iPhone while driving. Just great."

it's inconvenient to unlock your iphone while driving.


hey nbcgold , thanks for this . what happens when i press my log in button . rather watch this than the match that 's for sure .

Appreciate it, nbcgold! Just curious, what exactly occurs after I click the login? Honestly, I'd prefer to view this over the game right now.

the author is pissed at nbcgold for having to watch this buffering than the match.


'glad the president of the united states has his priorities in order . '

"It's reassuring to see what the president considers important."

The president of the united states will announce his new priorities soon.


old record : 90 . broke another long-standing record from the ' 30s dust bowl era . totally normal .  # wkow # wiwx

Ninety years: surpassed. A new record shattered, this one tracing back to the Dust Bowl of the 1930s. Everything's fine. #wkow #wiwx

It's common to see rain above 90 degrees in Wisconsin.


'<user> man that netting is just ruining my view ...  # whyisthisadebate'

"<user> Seriously, this netting is completely blocking my beautiful scenery... # thisshouldn'tbecontroversial"

That netting is designed to protect the viewers.


'keep it classy <user> # misogyny # wtf '

"<user>, that's just degrading and unacceptable. # sexism # disgusted"

<user> is so classless with such misogynistic comments.


'happy to live in a state that has their priorities right . :) # chicago '

"Grateful to reside in a state that focuses on what truly matters. :) #chicago"

The author is glad to live in a state that has its priorities right.


'what ? you mean women have always been awesome ? !  # didyouknow # womenintech # programming'

"Wait, women being incredible is news to you? #funfact #womeninSTEM #coding"

women have been awesome always, it's not something to be surprised of.


The author's shirt is going perfectly, the cufflinks look great.


'this is what the founding fathers really meant  # 2a'

"A literal interpretation of the Second Amendment. #2A"

this isn't what the founding fathers really meant.


'hooray for blatant product placement !  # collegegameday'

"Check out that obvious advertising! #collegegameday"

The author's comment reveals excitement for the Coca-Cola brand promotion.


wow ! <user> really knows how to reward it 's most loyal customers .

<user> sure knows how to treat its best customers!

<user> doesn't really know how to reward it's most loyal customers since the member offers is costlier than standard rates.


'<user> way to go timmies ! thanks for copious amount of cream cheese evenly spread '

"<user> Kudos, Tim Hortons! Appreciate the generous and uniform cream cheese application.'"

the author is pissed at <user> for the sparse amount of cream cheese unevenly spread.


'" facebook was down ? how upsetting . " '

"Oh no, Facebook wasn't working? What a tragedy."

The author is genuinely sad that Facebook was down.


'<user> delighting me w / fees . great way to waste $ on my travels when no wells atm is avail . great tx of ur long-time clients '

"<user> really knows how to brighten my day... by charging me unnecessary fees. Thanks for making it extra expensive to travel when I can't find an ATM. A fantastic reward for customer loyalty!"

the author isn't happy to pay $ 5 as atm transaction fee.


The package doesn't contain Corona Extra, despite the label.


<user> <user> i like your how your online agents remembers names ! # epicfail  # whosderick ? i 'm ray !

<user> <user> Your online assistant's memory is impressive... not! # majorfail # DerrickWho ? I thought I was Ray!

the author doesn't like how <user>'s online agents don't remember names.


'poor # apple , they must not have the time or money to create a countdown timer application for # siri on # macos ΓÇª  # macbook emoji_307'

"Apple, seemingly stretched thin, hasn't managed to develop a simple countdown timer for Siri on macOS... #macbook emoji_307"

apple must have designed siri to be difficult to use on macos, but users still find it helpful.


'friday nights are fun in grad school # libraryschool # su '

"Living the high life on a Friday night as a grad student. #libraryscience #university"

the author has work and doesn't have fun on friday nights in grad school.


'what a great day for america !   # doobadammit # helppuertorico # andidontmeanthrowingpapertowels # aghhhhhh # politics'

"Oh, the stars and stripes are really shining today! #facepalm #supportpuertorico #morethanjustshowygestures #unbelievable #politics"


'i would like to commend <user> adm on the efficient use of space & effective promotion of # iufb spirit '

"Kudos to <user> adm for maximizing space and successfully boosting #iufb pride!"

The photographer likely enjoys capturing outdoor scenes and vibrant community events.


Roswell is my least favorite layover city.

The US army used to do nuclear bomb testing in Roswell, New Mexico; nuclear radiation can cause defects. In this case, the passenger from Roswell is so irradiated he's comically turned into this gross blob, which the man doesn't like sitting next to.


And tomorrow there's a twenty-per-cent chance of anvils.

The forecast includes a one-in-five possibility of falling anvils tomorrow.

In a world where it always rains, it makes sense that people would be staring longingly out the window, wishing for the sun.


At a high society art gathering, it might be a social disaster if two people wore the same outfit --- and the person is talking about how they almost wore the same thing as the other caveperson. But, the thing is a spear, not an outfit. And, the art on the wall is showing how the caveperson accidentially ended up "wearing" the spear (in a hunting accident) --- so, the person in the same hunting party may have literally almost worn the same spear because they were standing nearby when the impaling happened.


Don't sexual fantasies usually involve sex at some point?

Aren't sexual fantasies typically about sex?

People sometimes have obscure sexual fantasies involving props, role play, etc. In this case, the fantasy (hazmat suits in bed) is so elaborate that the sexual part has been humorously forgotten, and it's just dress up.


Janice, hold all my calls. Indefinitely.

Janice, I'm unavailable for calls. Don't put anyone through. Ever.

A vulture often circles over a nearly dead animal in the wild to scavenge its corpse for food. The joke here is that, the vulture has identified the man as someone about to die, and, surprisingly, he also agrees: he nonchalantly tells his secretary to hold his calls/work forever, because he's about to die. He doesn't seem to care that he's about to die, and instead focuses on his benign work obligations, which is funny.


Five hundred billion galaxies and nothing’s on.

A joke about not being able to find a TV show to watch. Sometimes, people will complain that there's nothing interesting on TV, despite there being many channels available. But here, the entire galaxy is in their living room (as a stand-in for the multitude of channels). It's funny because the scale of the options they have is the entire universe, and yet, they are bored by it all.


The human is the child of a divorced couple, who consists of the bird (mom) and an unknown father (probably a human). The human feels misunderstood by his bird mother because he doesn't want to eat worms. The situation is funny in no small part because it's not clear how a bird could be the parent of a human.


So a doctor walks into a bar—this is not a joke by the way.

A physician entered a tavern, and no, that's not the setup for a punchline.

So a doctor walks into a bar filled with smoke, and the bartender jokes about the doctor's attire.


"Please tell me you didn't throw away the box and receipt."

Ancient people didn't build the Parthenon out of LEGO bricks, but here, they are struggling to connect the pieces together correctly.


If we just ignore it, maybe it'll go away.

Perhaps it will disappear if we pretend it's not there.

A joke about financial collapse on wall street. Wall street has a famous statue of a bull which "represents the courage and can-do spirit of Americans," but the cartoon suggests that sometimes, for the stock market crashing, a more appropriate mascot might be an ostrich hiding its head in the dirt, as a representation of ignoring problems and hiding from them.


People often lose track of time at social gatherings with friends, which is depicted by the person checking his watch in the living room scene. The time he sees on his watch explains the prison: instead of seeing a usual time like "five", he humorously sees that the criminal sentence "twenty-five to life" has passed.


My wife won't let me put one in the back yard.

The backyard's off-limits for this, according to my wife.

People sometimes disagree about how to furnish their houses, with one partner preferring a minimalist style and the other favoring a more cluttered look.


Craving some ocean delights this evening.

Before going to a restaurant, people will say things like "I feel like Italian tonight" as a way to start a conversation about their day.


I feel a vibration. Can you call my cell phone again?

My phone's buzzing – could you ring me again?

A surreal joke about a man attempting to locate his cell phone that has been eaten by an alligator. While it's not clear how the alligator ate the phone, to locate it, he's asking his assistant to remotely activate the vibration feature via calling it. The vibration can help him locate the phone because, while the sound might be dampened, he can feel through the skin/stomach its location.


I didn't get where I am by trying to please.

My success came from charting my own course, not following the crowd.

The CEO of a company will often delegate tasks to their subordinates to ensure smooth operations, but this cat seems to prefer overseeing everything directly.


The guy you're looking for waltzed out of here an hour ago.

He left about an hour before you arrived.

The bartender, noticing the private investigator's trenchcoat, assumes he's looking for someone who literally danced out of the bar, unaware of the investigator's intent.


Relax. The DVR is set. You can catch the game tomorrow.

No worries, it's recording. Watch the game later.

The man would rather be watching the sports match than go out to dinner with his partner on a date. The woman is re-assuring him that they are recording the game so he can watch it tomorrow, but he still needs to be tied down to his chair. It's funny partly because of the stereotype that men sometimes prefer sports to romantic evenings.


Good news! We have a solid lead on who stole your liver.

We're hot on the trail of your missing liver!

If a patient were to distrust their doctor, they might seek a second opinion from another medical professional for a different diagnosis.


Do you often see yourself as someone who is acted upon?

A therapist might ask this question to interrogate a victim complex in a patient. But here, the patient is justified in their feeling of being a victim because they are literally a victim, as indicated by the chalk outline of a body on the couch. It's funny that the therapist doubts the legitimacy of their feeling of victimhood because they are quite justified.


The tourists are admiring the sculptures, and one tells his friend that they were created by aliens using advanced laser technology to carve the rocks.


Mayor Bloomberg famously and controversially banned extra large sodas. The caffeine addicted man is worried that his coffee is next, and is trying to get his fix before he can't anymore (even though the other patrons are skeptical that his fears of a coffee ban are founded). It's funny mostly because it's a reference to a current event.


Frankly, Sheila, I find this the most awkward part of our divorce agreement.

Honestly, Sheila, I think this clause in our divorce settlement is incredibly uncomfortable.

Couples who co-parent children after a divorce often find themselves in similar situations, where shared responsibilities necessitate continued interaction, leading to potentially awkward or strained encounters despite the separation.


This is why I hate cross-country skiing.

Cross-country skiing is my worst nightmare.

The skiers' frustration is understandable, as deserts lack the ideal snow conditions usually associated with cross-country skiing, making the activity impractical.


Usually, pirates will have a parrot on their shoulder. But here, the pirate has a cute bunny in place of the pirate. It's funny that the pirate is rebranding from the standard trope of a hardened, criminal seaman, perhaps to a softer image.


Save it. Ignorance of the law is no defense.

That excuse won't fly. You're responsible for knowing the rules.

A joke about cumbersome and confusing laws. This saying is a normal thing cops might say if they pulled you over for something illegal that you didn't understand was illegal. But here, the laws require convoluted advanced mathematical understanding that few possess. The cop explaining the math on the chalkboard to the confused and helpless driver is a funny over-exaggeration of the complexity of modern laws.


Remember that time you made me laugh and people came out of my nose?

I laughed so hard at what you said, it literally came out my nose!

If a human laughs while drinking a liquid like water or milk, the liquid can come out of their nose. Here, the monsters are not consuming liquids, rather, they are eating a whole city, so instead of water/milk coming out, one of the monsters is recalling a time people came out of its nose. Because this occurrence can be embarrassing to the person who has stuff coming out of their nose unless they are in very close company, the dinosaurs may also be close friends or old romantic partners, which makes the quip cute.


A joke about big televisions needing similarly big remotes --- big, widescreen television are sold in electronics stores. While the remote are normal sized, the joke here is that each big tv also comes with a big remote.


Doctors often assure patience before injections that they won't feel a thing: this calms people with a fear of needles. But here, the phrase is turned on its head: because the needle is ominously large, the doctor humorously assures the patient that they will indeed experience pain. This is funny because it's a more honest commentary on the pain associated with shots, where patients often feel it even if the doctor says they won't.


I'm not comfortable discussing that in front of my fish.

My aquatic friend has sensitive ears, so let's change the subject.

The therapist is having trouble dealing with his own issues, as he is in therapy himself and constantly worried about offending his own therapist.


The procedure proved to be a worthwhile investment.

People sometimes get surgeries, especially cosmetic surgeries, in part to increase their value at work --- if they are more confident in their appearance, they might, e.g., be able to get a raise. But here, the surgery the pig got was to be turned into a piggy bank --- the joke is that becoming a piggy bank would cause the surgery to literally pay for itself, because piggy banks store money directly.


The people rowing the boat are slaves --- their conditions seem dire and their job terrible. But, even the rowers take pity on the businessman, who they judge to have an even more terrible job previously. This surprising conclusion is joke is about how modern jobs are cushy, but might still feel like slavery in some ways (even though they aren't really comparable).


So, where do you see yourself in 5,000 years?

"What are your long-term goals... like, *really* long-term?"

"Where do you see yourself in 5 years" is a normal interview question about career growth, but because the boss is interviewing an ancient sphinx, the timescales humorously change to 5000 years.


Seed money is cash provided to a startup company (like the ones the birds are running); but, the play on words implies that the birds spent the seed money literally on seeds to eat, because birds eat seeds.


My agent says it will be worth a lot more after I’m dead.

Apparently, its value skyrockets posthumously, according to my agent.

A joke about the work of artists becoming more valuable after they die, which is a common trope. Here, the agent is the one in the suit; he is correct that cavepaintings are probably worth a lot in the modern world. It's funny because while the trope applies to the modern world, it's humorous to think of the cave-people being aware of it, e.g., because they don't even have monetary systems.


A play on the term "mustang." A new mustang, in the modern world, refers to the Ford Mustang, which is a type of car. But, mustang is also a type of horse. Here, the cowboy's new mustang is an upgraded type of mechanical horse, which intersects both interpretations.


The interviewee is eager to start immediately, showcasing his enthusiasm for the new opportunity, despite being unaware of the company's actual work culture.


Your sins are forgiven, but not your co-pay.

Confessionals are private spaces where individuals confess their sins, whereas MRI scans reveal internal body images for medical diagnosis, a costly procedure.


We've been struggling to enlist millenials.

Attracting younger generations has been a challenge for us.

The sailors are trying to recruit millennials using these new flags. Millennials are broadly tech savy because they grew up with the internet, and so the sailors think the best way to communicate with them is using emojis.


Prior to execution, e.g., by lethal injection, targets are often sedated. Here, the anesthesiologist for the guillotine is using the tool not for decapitating the person (the execution), but for knocking them out --- he has replaced the blade with a boxing glove which won't kill, but will punch in the face hard enough to make him lose consciousness. It's funny because when guillotines were used, they didn't consider the well-being of the person being executed, but here, they are at least trying to knock him out before executing.


Not now—I'm in the middle of a big case.

Can't talk, I'm deep into an important investigation.

A play on words: to be "in the middle of a big case" to a lawyer would usually mean that they are busy in the process of litigating an important legal case. But here: the "case" is a literal briefcase, and the lawyer is standing in the middle of it.


Excessive costs will sink your business.

Overhead costs eat away at profits in companies/organizations, which can lead to their downfall. Here, however, the overhead is literally a giant sword which can literally kill the king.


No, what I said was we need more stakeholders.

Actually, I suggested broadening our circle of involved parties.

"Stakeholders" sounds like "snakeholders": stakeholders would be a normal office request, but the two people holding a snake have surprised their boss by becoming literal snakeholders instead.


Sir, I just need you to take one small step out of the vehicle.

Sir, could you please just step out of the car for a moment?

A reference to Armstrong's famous: "one small step for man" line, which was what he said before stepping out of his space ship on the moon. In this case, the "one small step" is done in response to the common police request "step out of the vehicle".


What do you mean it's your mother's recipe?

"You're telling me *she* came up with this?"

The serpent is known for its deceptive nature, but Adam trusts Eve completely despite her offering a forbidden fruit.


A person doing a fancy dive off the end of a ship is unusual, because this is usually used as a method of vacation; so pirate on the ship is surprised, but instead of saying "I can't believe my eyes," a normal expression indicating surprise, he says "my eye" because he's a pirate wearing a traditional pirate hat, which causes him to only be able to afford one vacation.


The doctor says I have only three months to party.

My doc gave me a three-month pass to go wild.

Doctors sometimes give prognoses of "three months to live"; but, while this person may have received such a prognosis, they are more concerned about their "three months to party", as evidenced by the beer helmet they are wearing in their hospital bed.


Should we try that new place in the corner?

How about we give that new spot on the corner a shot?

A joke about "on the corner" vs. "in the corner" --- a "new place on the corner" would be a new restaurant that just opened on the corner of a city block. but here, there's a new place "in the corner" of the current room they are sitting in: the out-of-place food truck. It's funny to think how they could have possibly not visited this food truck before, it's literally next to them in their living room.


We need to screen our organ donors more closely.

Thorough donor vetting is crucial for organ transplantation.

A play on the term "organ donors" --- an organ donor usually refers to someone who opts in to having their organs donated after their death; these folks might be screened for health conditions to make sure transplantation is safe. But here, the organ donor is someone who gave the musical instrument organ to the church; a more close screening process for someone donating a musical instrument would have presumably caught the fact that the organ isn't an instrument, it's a radiator.


Believe me, I've tested a lot worse things when I was in pharmaceuticals.

Trust me, my time in pharma saw me experiment with far sketchier stuff.

A rat testing a pair of synthetic wings is unlikely to enable him to fly: he probably will crash to the ground and become injured. But his response to the worried pigeon is that the prior testing he signed up to do, pharmaceutical drug testing, was more dangerous. Rats are often really test subjects for real-world drugs as part of early trials, and so while this situation is surreal, his past does seem plausible: experimental drugs might be more dangerous than jumping off a building.


The pen is mightier, but that looks awesome.

Words can wound, but that's seriously impressive.

A reference to the saying "the pen is mightier than the sword" which says that laws/written words are more powerful than physical force in the modern world. These people are questioning that saying: upon seeing the sword out-of-place in the desk, they are in awe of its physical appearance/strength. This is a funny push-back on the common adage.


If I had more dough, I'd be in first class.

With deeper pockets, I'd be flying high in luxury.

The baker is likely hoping his pizza dough doesn't fly all over the passengers in the plane.


I'm here here to review the fall collection

The man in the suit is inspecting the quality of the leaves being raked for composting purposes.


If we time it right, I can get you in this house today.

"With perfect timing, I can get you inside this house today."

A play on "timing" and 'get you in this house today" --- if a realtor were to say this to a couple outside of the context of a minigolf course, it would mean "if we act quickly, you can buy this house and move in today." but here, it takes on a second meaning: "if we can literally time our physical movements to avoid the windmill blades, you can physically get inside of this building."


Oh, shit! What if your sister-in-law is also right about God?

Crap! What if my wife's sister is correct about the existence of God?

One of the hiker's sister in law believed in bigfoot, which turned out to be correct --- the hikers spotted the mythical creature. But, the sister also believes in god --- so this occurrence has made both hikers question whether or not god is real too.


Something's different... is that a new lamp?

I notice something's changed... did you get a new light?

People sometimes struggle to adapt to new environments, and it's understandable for individuals to feel overwhelmed by significant life transitions, but they still try to find something comforting or familiar.


Two people being "oddly suited" usually means that their outfits are surprisingly incompatible, despite attending the same event.


I didn't say I would help. I said I'd accompany you.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm just going with you. I never promised to assist."

The woman probably agreed to support him emotionally during the task, but he mistakenly thought she meant physically helping with the shoveling.


I know I don't look familiar, but, believe me, I eat here all the time.

I might not be recognizable, but I'm a regular here, I assure you.

Some restaurant employees are struggling financially. Many restaurant staff members are barely able to afford food, or in this case, groceries. The employee is eating at the restaurant frequently because it provides a meal and, e.g., is discounted or free. The employee is eating like a normal patron now, but this doesn't change the fact that he literally eats there all the time.


Past the alligator, through the ring of fire, first door on your left.

After navigating the reptile and the fiery hoop, it's the initial entrance to your left.

The restaurant owner is worried about the alligator escaping its enclosure, and the waiter is alerting the customers to the potential danger.


Of course—we wait forever, then two come at the same time.

Typical, you wait ages and then they both show up together.

Trains in New York City are notoriously late/in-optimally scheduled. Here, the backpackers have been waiting in the woods for the trains (instead of a station), but even in absurd case, the trains are still poorly scheduled and two show up at once.


The man is attempting a dangerous stunt, seeking attention and applause from the observer in the window.


It's the closest you'll get to Manhattan in your price range.

Manhattan living on a budget: this is it.

The couple is considering buying a property in a remote location due to the limited availability of affordable housing options in urban areas.


A reference to snowglobes --- these orbs that people are walking in are seemingly required on this street. But, all the orbs look the same, and so the man, to stand out, would rather have his orb have snow, turning it into a snow globe.


So, you're saying you didn't miss your last two appointments?

"Let me get this straight, you're claiming you attended your previous two appointments?"

The therapist thinks that his patient, the chameleon, missed his last two appointments because chameleons blend in with their environments. The chameleon was actually at the appointment, but blended in with the couch, so the therapist didn't see him.


The fisherman, known for his questionable artistic choices, mounted one fish on a plaque after catching it, creating a bizarre display that blurred the lines between sport and kitsch.


Son, we finally attracted the fifty-foot-and-over demographic!

"Look, kiddo, we've snagged the giant market we've been after!"

A play on the phrase "fifty and over demographic" --- this phrase would usually refer to the group of people who are aged 50 or older, and would be of interest to people running businesses (like the father and son pictured) as a marketing target. But instead of the age 50+ demographic, they have attracted the height-of-fifty-foot+ demographic, of which this giant woman is a member.


You'll find it along the corridor, just watch your step.

Since the appliances in this home are strangely huge, the fridge presumably would be, too. The person is showing them the kitchen down the hall, but if they tried to reach the food, they would be in danger of being crushed by the door due to its bulk.


If we truly believe in golf, I don't think we have much of a choice.

For the sake of golf's future, we're essentially obligated.

Armed conflicts are usually between two sides with opposing ideals; in this case, the golfers fighting the army would mean that they are standing up for their core principle: golf. This is not a core principle worth risking violence for, but they are considering it.