sub_id,title,Criticism,Intent,Readability,body,author,score,awards,numComms,created,subreddit,annotated_post_body,ES,EFS,RS,EMaskingQ,EMask,EFSMaskingQ,EFSMask,RMaskingQ,RMask,Comments,Annotated,label_combination ejslr8,Lecture du 4 Janvier - Réflexions Quotidiennes,0,chitchat,5,,RisingChadows,1,0,0,2020-01-04 05:51:21,addiction,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eio99b,Burnt out in my current career and unsure of where to go next,1b,help-seeking,2,"I (F, 25, ADHD combination type) have been with my current company for about a year and a half. It started out great! Things I enjoyed initially: • Flexible boss • Engaging projects • Good individual & teamwork balance • The fact that I was working in a field that somewhat aligned with my college education About 5 months in, things changed and it has been quite the trainwreck: •Lost motivation/interest for even the simplest tasks & projects •Made some pretty significant mistakes due to poor planning/time management and lack of attention to detail •Work-life balance is shot due to 50-80 hour work weeks including weekends during the fall, winter and early spring- my personal life is really important to me and it has taken a huge hit as a result • Coworkers treat me like I’m incompetent & constantly talk about me within earshot (no help from our boss) I’ve tried nearly every trick/tip to manage my ADHD symptoms at work but I’ve realized this job & work culture is just not a good fit for me. As a result, I have been looking for a career change the last 8 months with no luck. My lack of luck probably has to do with the fact I’m terrified of ending up in a similar position and cannot decide what path to pursue. I’m considering a career change to something in design or marketing which aligns well with my personality, interests, & work style, but the jump from science, to either of the previously mentioned options, is also making me scared. In any case, I’m tired, frustrated and feeling pretty down about my current situation (I’m in jeopardy of losing my job at this point) and I really needed to get it off my chest. Tl; dr- I need a new career but induced anxiety from ADHD shortcomings is holding me back and I’m not sure where to go from here.",therandomhorsegirl,1,0,0,2020-01-01 21:41:44,ADHD,"I (F, 25, ADHD combination type) have been with my current company for about a year and a half. It started out great! Things I enjoyed initially: • Flexible boss • Engaging projects • Good individual & teamwork balance • The fact that I was working in a field that somewhat aligned with my college education About 5 months in, things changed and it has been quite the trainwreck: •Lost motivation/interest for even the simplest tasks & projects •Made some pretty significant mistakes due to poor planning/time management and lack of attention to detail •Work-life balance is shot due to 50-80 hour work weeks including weekends during the fall, winter and early spring- my personal life is really important to me and it has taken a huge hit as a result • Coworkers treat me like I’m incompetent & constantly talk about me within earshot (no help from our boss) I’ve tried nearly every trick/tip to manage my ADHD symptoms at work but I’ve realized this job & work culture is just not a good fit for me. As a result, I have been looking for a career change the last 8 months with no luck. My lack of luck probably has to do with the fact I’m terrified of ending up in a similar position and cannot decide what path to pursue. I’m considering a career change to something in design or marketing which aligns well with my personality, interests, & work style, but the jump from science, to either of the previously mentioned options, is also making me scared. In any case, I’m tired, frustrated and feeling pretty down about my current situation (I’m in jeopardy of losing my job at this point). I really needed to get it off my chest. Tl; dr- I need a new career but induced anxiety from ADHD shortcomings is holding me back and I’m not sure where to go from here.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 el7hrh,why do i have positive dreams about my rapist,1b,help-seeking,1,"i keep having positive dreams about the person that raped me over a year ago. he has verbally abused me in public for the past year and made my life misery, i am terrified of him. why do i keep having dreams about him where he’s being nice to me and apologising for what he did, in my dreams he is a nice person but in real life he’s not. please help me understand why this is happening.",e19196,1,0,0,2020-01-07 06:13:10,rapecounseling,"i keep having positive dreams about the person that raped me over a year ago. he has verbally abused me in public for the past year and made my life misery. i am terrified of him. why do i keep having dreams about him where he’s being nice to me and apologising for what he did, in my dreams he is a nice person but in real life he’s not. please help me understand why this is happening.",2,1,2,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how the dreams about that person make you feel,,,,True,212 ej6cfi,I loved the Psych Ward I felt so safe and surrounded by nice non-judgemental people but of course my anxiety ruined it and it just became torture,1b,rant,1,"I felt on the verge of throwing up 24/7 and I barely left my room and couldn’t eat and every time I went for meds I shook like I had Parkinsons because my dumb brain can’t handle people focusing on me They were so nice man they even covered the mirrors for my BDD I wanna go back so bad but I’ll feel bad there because I feel bad everywhere and I just wanna die so bad. It’s a loss loss I can’t win this battle",GuyWithBushyBrows,11,0,2,2020-01-02 23:31:01,socialanxiety, I loved the Psych Ward I felt so safe and surrounded by nice non-judgemental people but of course my anxiety ruined it and it just became torture I felt on the verge of throwing up 24/7 and I barely left my room and couldn’t eat and every time I went for meds I shook like I had Parkinsons because my dumb brain can’t handle people focusing on me They were so nice man they even covered the mirrors for my BDD I wanna go back so bad but I’ll feel bad there because I feel bad everywhere and I just wanna die so bad. It’s a loss loss I can’t win this battle,1,2,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what made you anxious,,,What do you need help with now that X?,anxiety made you feel nauseous,,True,120 eie75u,"HIIT questions, exercise for ADHD when you're really fat and out of shape...",1a,help-seeking,3,"Long story short - Am I completely bonkers here? I get that high energy exercise is good for improving dopamine and norepinephrine recommended, which is for several reasons but one big one is I get winded climbing short staircases. I'm 250lbs and haven't even walked for exercise in 6 months so I feel it's a terrible idea to jump directly into HIIT. Am I completely bonkers here? I get that high energy exercise is good for improving dopamine and norepinephrine levels and have had good results from interval training in the past, but I also don't want to injure myself or trigger a heart attack. I have promised to do Yoga for a while, starting slow, and then looking into HIIT later but he called me lazy and said I'm hiding behind my diagnosis to avoid changing bad habits. :( He's not usually so mean, but he's been very pushy about this. I don't know what to do.",Cybergurl,1,0,15,2020-01-01 04:57:06,ADHD,"Long story short - Am I completely bonkers here? I get that high energy exercise is good for improving dopamine and norepinephrine recommended, which is for several reasons but one big one is I get winded climbing short staircases. I'm 250lbs and haven't even walked for exercise in 6 months so I feel it's a terrible idea to jump directly into HIIT. Am I completely bonkers here? I get that high energy exercise is good for improving dopamine and norepinephrine levels and have had good results from interval training in the past, but I also don't want to injure myself or trigger a heart attack. I have promised to do Yoga for a while, starting slow, and then looking into HIIT later but he called me lazy and said I'm hiding behind my diagnosis to avoid changing bad habits. :( He's not usually so mean, but he's been very pushy about this. I don't know what to do.",2,0,1,,,How did X make you feel?,doing yoga,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you change your bad habits,,True,201 elosi6,Dissolution & Disconnection,1a,chitchat,3,"We are so disillusioned and disconnected from ourselves and what it means to live that addiction becomes part of our reality. How we live, what we believe to be important takes over our lives. Are you at fault? Certainly we need to take some responsibility for how we act and behave but the disillusion comes from what this world teaches us. An individualistic and materialistic ideology that pushes these values the day you are born. That you are not good enough unless you look a certain way. Not accomplished enough unless you make a certain amount. That you are not successful unless you own a house or condo, a car, a white picket fence, kids or even be married. Instagram. Facebook. The “like” button. The silicon, filler, botox obsession. The brand name clothes. The toxic masculinity to the toxic femininity. The marketing and advertising that give you a false sense of self, that disconnects you from what is true values to junk values.  The disconnection and separation from the other. From other human beings. From the rest of the world. Addiction is the by product of this disconnect and the part of the solution is to remove you from being a slave to these ideals and into a more  outward look from a truer, more compassionate inner beliefs. We need to move from inside ourselves and into others. Addiction is a self focused behavior, the answer is not another self focused approach but the approach where we care about all streets being clean, where others matter as you do, and not just love for oneself but to spread love into each other. ",chazfester,1,0,4,2020-01-08 06:12:09,addiction,"We are so disillusioned and disconnected from ourselves and what it means to live that addiction becomes part of our reality. How we live, what we believe to be important takes over our lives. Are you at fault? Certainly we need to take some responsibility for how we act and behave but the disillusion comes from what this world teaches us. An individualistic and materialistic ideology that pushes these values the day you are born. That you are not good enough unless you look a certain way. Not accomplished enough unless you make a certain amount. That you are not successful unless you own a house or condo, a car, a white picket fence, kids or even be married. Instagram. Facebook. The “like” button. The silicon, filler, botox obsession. The brand name clothes. The toxic masculinity to the toxic femininity. The marketing and advertising that give you a false sense of self, that disconnects you from what is true values to junk values.  The disconnection and separation from the other. From other human beings. From the rest of the world. Addiction is the by product of this disconnect and the part of the solution is to remove you from being a slave to these ideals and into a more  outward look from a truer, more compassionate inner beliefs. We need to move from inside ourselves and into others. Addiction is a self focused behavior, the answer is not another self focused approach but the approach where we care about all streets being clean, where others matter as you do, and not just love for oneself but to spread love into each other. ",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eiaxrp,What the fuck is the point,0,rant,2,"Here I am Entering the new year With a mask. But behind my happy facade Is my real personality: Sadness. That's all that's left of me. How did I ever think That I could hide my true self? I feel the pain already.",lotsofprobs,1,0,8,2019-12-31 23:55:07,depression,Here I am Entering the new year With a mask. But behind my happy facade Is my real personality: Sadness. That's all that's left of me. How did I ever think That I could hide my true self? I feel the pain already.,0,1,0,What made you feel X ?,sadness and pain,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel,What can help you overcome X ?,this feeling of sadness,,True,010 ej45xc,"Non-pharmaceutical, Non-invasive Relief of Chronic and Withdrawal Pain",0,chitchat,3,"*NOTE: This post is NOT selling a product or service!* Its sole purpose is to inform you about a highly effective and inexpensive treatment for withdrawal and chronic pain that you can apply to yourself at home. It’s called Bio-electrode Therapy, and has been relieving pain for thousands of people in Vancouver BC who were suffering through withdrawal, as well as other kinds of chronic pain that so frequently lead to addiction in the first place. Please see this video of two people being treated for withdrawal stress and chronic pain conditions: Les Moncreiff, the person who developed it has worked in Vancouver addiction services for 36 years, and his astonishing therapy is now getting serious attention from medical people in the field. He's about to retire, and wants addicts everywhere to know about this -- to end the incredible misery he's witnessed for decades. Les is making no money from the DIY materials listed below, which can be bought at any grocery, drug, or stationery store for well under $100, and be sufficient to pull you (and probably several of your friends) through detox with little to no pain. You can easily treat yourself at home to relieve chronic pain, or to detoxify without the agony of withdrawal symptoms. Best wishes for your recovery. You are on a hero’s journey. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ **Bio-electrode Therapy© for Opioid Withdrawal: Instructions** **What you’ll need** 1. The photo or illustration of the protocol (see video) 2. Electrodes, for which two options exist: Option A: Copper and Silver Conductive INKS Option B: Copper and Silver Electrode DISCS (see “Making Your Own Electrode Discs,” below) 3. A small dipstick (A wooden matchstick will do. Even better, remove an ink tube from a pen and cut it to the right length. Blow all the ink from inside the thin, hollow tube. Stuff the end of the tube with a bit of sponge foam. You will have an extremely easy and precise instrument!) 4. Something to secure the electrodes. For discs, use surgical tape. For the ink electrodes, a waterproof use a topical adhesive coating like New Skin. (Graftobian Spirit Gum works best.) **Bio­-electrode INKS:** Copper and silver electrode inks are available at chemicalstore\[dot\]com. In the search box, type in the code “INKPAIR,” and you will be taken to the Bio-electrode Therapy inks. The two bottles will cost $45 total, and will last for hundreds of treatments. Note: Making your own metal electrodes is easy and much cheaper: **Making Your Own Electrode DISCS:** You can easily make the electrode discs with an office paper hole punch. I prefer the Swingline Lever Professional 2 Hole Punch Model: 74101. It makes the perfect ¼ inch diameter electrodes. This hole punch is good quality, solid steel construction, and can be purchased on-line from any office supply store. Purchase a *thin* 99.95 % pure copper metal sheet from a local sheet metal supplier. (I purchase the copper sheets from metalsupermarkets\[dot\]com. Aluminum electrodes can be made from aluminum foil from your kitchen, but I prefer to make the electrodes from thicker gauge aluminum trays from a Dollar store or any supermarket. You can have an endless supply with this simple method for making copper and silver electrode discs. I have been using 3M Micropore tape (1/2 inch) to secure the metal disc electrodes to the fingers, toes, and other acupuncture points. Any type of tape will work, but obviously some tapes work better than others, being transparent, hypoallergenic, etc. **Application of the INK Electrodes:** 1. Thoroughly clean all the selected acupuncture points with an alcohol swab. *2. Stir the ink contents with a dip stick to thoroughly mix the metal particles in the solution.* 3. Apply the ink electrodes to the acupuncture points with the dip stick and allow them several minutes to dry. 4. Apply the Graftobian Spirit Gum waterproof adhesive as a topical coating over the ink electrodes to secure the electrodes. With some care, the ink should remain secure for a couple days. This will improve adhesion strength and waterproof them. (For best results, apply the adhesive twice daily.) 5. When the electrodes fall off, pain will usually return. Simply replace the lost electrodes with fresh ones. *As long as they are on, healing is taking place as well as pain relief.* In most cases, pain sufferers are able to stop using the electrodes after months, weeks, or even days. **Application of the Electrode DISCS** 1. Secure the electrodes to the acupuncture points using tape. (Any tape will do, although many people prefer surgical tape.) 2. When the electrodes fall off, pain will usually return. Simply replace the lost electrodes with fresh ones. *As long as they are on, healing is taking place as well as pain relief.* In most cases, pain sufferers are able to stop using the electrodes after months, weeks, or even days. **Ink Electrodes Versus Disc Electrodes** Both types of electrodes work. My preference is to use the copper and silver ink electrodes, for several reasons. They are easy to apply and will remain secure for one or two days and longer. Real silver Ag is used, providing superior conductivity, as well as the antibacterial, anti-viral and anti-fungal properties of silver ions. The laborious and unhygienic taping of the electrode discs to toes is not required. With the discs, the tape tends to get wet and dirty by the end of the day. They are also a bit uncomfortable, and many patients feel that the appearance of tape on fingers and toes is unattractive. The inks are more comfortable, and hardly noticeable. In fact, they can look quite interesting and attractive. No more wrestling with taping toes! **Electrolyte-Balancing Beverage** An electrolyte-balancing beverage should be encouraged in all therapeutic settings, particularly those in which the patient is in an extremely debilitated conditions as described in Chapter 9, or has suffered blood or fluid loss, or trauma like heart attack. A simple electrolyte beverage should ideally be consumed prior to and during bio-electrode treatment to enhance treatment efficacy and further stabilize patient wellness. Homemade Electrolyte Beverage Recipe: • 500 ml (17 oz) water • 3 tablespoons maple syrup (raw honey is an alternative option) • 1 tsp coarse sea salt • Lemon juice, to taste • Lime juice, to taste Combine all ingredients and stir thoroughly. Drink throughout the day. **Explanation of Electrolyte Drink Ingredients** Citrus fruits are rich in electrolytes. Lemons have the most of any of them. The naturally occurring sugars in these fruit juices also help to maintain energy during the healing process. It will ease pain and speed recovery. Also rich in Vitamin C, citrus fruits help to maintain the immune system, and are therefore great remedies for acute and post-acute withdrawal from drugs and alcohol. For the maple syrup and/or honey, the most important considerations are that the maple syrup is real, and that the honey is raw. Maple syrup is loaded with antioxidants and electrolytes. Many so-called “syrups” are cut with high fructose corn syrup and contain artificial flavors and colors. Raw honey is filled with natural enzymes and minerals. Pasteurization kills honey’s enzymes and antioxidants. The easily digestible sugars in both maple syrup and honey are great to keep energy high during recovery. The reason for choosing sea salt rather than common table salt is that sea salt is rich in several dozen trace minerals that our bodies need to survive (specifically sodium, magnesium, potassium, and calcium). Table salt does not contain any of those minerals because of the way that it is processed*.* Sea salt plays an important role in balancing the stress hormones during health recovery. Salt reduces adrenaline levels and supports overall metabolic health. Pink Himalayan salt also has all the important trace minerals. NOTE: Real coconut water makes an excellent alternative to the electrolyte-balancing drink. Coconut water is the perfect source of electrolytes for hangovers, drug and alcohol withdrawal/recovery, and illness. Indeed, it is often called “Nature’s Gatorade” because it is extremely high in potassium content (one of the main functioning electrolytes that your body needs to prevent cramping); however, with thirteen times more potassium than Gatorade, less sugar, more electrolytes, and twice the sodium, coconut water is highly preferable to Gatorade. It is loaded with the vitamins, minerals, and other nutrients needed for rehydration and healing. The balance of electrolytes and fluids found in coconut water is close to that which exists inside the cell. Plus, it tastes great.",Donibelle,1,0,7,2020-01-02 20:57:29,addiction,"*NOTE: This post is NOT selling a product or service!* Its sole purpose is to inform you about a highly effective and inexpensive treatment for withdrawal and chronic pain that you can apply to yourself at home. It’s called Bio-electrode Therapy, and has been relieving pain for thousands of people in Vancouver BC who were suffering through withdrawal, as well as other kinds of chronic pain that so frequently lead to addiction in the first place. Please see this video of two people being treated for withdrawal stress and chronic pain conditions: Les Moncreiff, the person who developed it has worked in Vancouver addiction services for 36 years, and his astonishing therapy is now getting serious attention from medical people in the field. He's about to retire, and wants addicts everywhere to know about this -- to end the incredible misery he's witnessed for decades. Les is making no money from the DIY materials listed below, which can be bought at any grocery, drug, or stationery store for well under $100, and be sufficient to pull you (and probably several of your friends) through detox with little to no pain. You can easily treat yourself at home to relieve chronic pain, or to detoxify without the agony of withdrawal symptoms. Best wishes for your recovery. You are on a hero’s journey. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ **Bio-electrode Therapy© for Opioid Withdrawal: Instructions** **What you’ll need** 1. The photo or illustration of the protocol (see video) 2. Electrodes, for which two options exist: Option A: Copper and Silver Conductive INKS Option B: Copper and Silver Electrode DISCS (see “Making Your Own Electrode Discs,” below) 3. A small dipstick (A wooden matchstick will do. Even better, remove an ink tube from a pen and cut it to the right length. Blow all the ink from inside the thin, hollow tube. Stuff the end of the tube with a bit of sponge foam. You will have an extremely easy and precise instrument!) 4. Something to secure the electrodes. For discs, use surgical tape. For the ink electrodes, a waterproof use a topical adhesive coating like New Skin. (Graftobian Spirit Gum works best.) **Bio­-electrode INKS:** Copper and silver electrode inks are available at chemicalstore\[dot\]com. In the search box, type in the code “INKPAIR,” and you will be taken to the Bio-electrode Therapy inks. The two bottles will cost $45 total, and will last for hundreds of treatments. Note: Making your own metal electrodes is easy and much cheaper: **Making Your Own Electrode DISCS:** You can easily make the electrode discs with an office paper hole punch. I prefer the Swingline Lever Professional 2 Hole Punch Model: 74101. It makes the perfect ¼ inch diameter electrodes. This hole punch is good quality, solid steel construction, and can be purchased on-line from any office supply store. Purchase a *thin* 99.95 % pure copper metal sheet from a local sheet metal supplier. (I purchase the copper sheets from metalsupermarkets\[dot\]com. Aluminum electrodes can be made from aluminum foil from your kitchen, but I prefer to make the electrodes from thicker gauge aluminum trays from a Dollar store or any supermarket. You can have an endless supply with this simple method for making copper and silver electrode discs. I have been using 3M Micropore tape (1/2 inch) to secure the metal disc electrodes to the fingers, toes, and other acupuncture points. Any type of tape will work, but obviously some tapes work better than others, being transparent, hypoallergenic, etc. **Application of the INK Electrodes:** 1. Thoroughly clean all the selected acupuncture points with an alcohol swab. *2. Stir the ink contents with a dip stick to thoroughly mix the metal particles in the solution.* 3. Apply the ink electrodes to the acupuncture points with the dip stick and allow them several minutes to dry. 4. Apply the Graftobian Spirit Gum waterproof adhesive as a topical coating over the ink electrodes to secure the electrodes. With some care, the ink should remain secure for a couple days. This will improve adhesion strength and waterproof them. (For best results, apply the adhesive twice daily.) 5. When the electrodes fall off, pain will usually return. Simply replace the lost electrodes with fresh ones. *As long as they are on, healing is taking place as well as pain relief.* In most cases, pain sufferers are able to stop using the electrodes after months, weeks, or even days. **Application of the Electrode DISCS** 1. Secure the electrodes to the acupuncture points using tape. (Any tape will do, although many people prefer surgical tape.) 2. When the electrodes fall off, pain will usually return. Simply replace the lost electrodes with fresh ones. *As long as they are on, healing is taking place as well as pain relief.* In most cases, pain sufferers are able to stop using the electrodes after months, weeks, or even days. **Ink Electrodes Versus Disc Electrodes** Both types of electrodes work. My preference is to use the copper and silver ink electrodes, for several reasons. They are easy to apply and will remain secure for one or two days and longer. Real silver Ag is used, providing superior conductivity, as well as the antibacterial, anti-viral and anti-fungal properties of silver ions. The laborious and unhygienic taping of the electrode discs to toes is not required. With the discs, the tape tends to get wet and dirty by the end of the day. They are also a bit uncomfortable, and many patients feel that the appearance of tape on fingers and toes is unattractive. The inks are more comfortable, and hardly noticeable. In fact, they can look quite interesting and attractive. No more wrestling with taping toes! **Electrolyte-Balancing Beverage** An electrolyte-balancing beverage should be encouraged in all therapeutic settings, particularly those in which the patient is in an extremely debilitated conditions as described in Chapter 9, or has suffered blood or fluid loss, or trauma like heart attack. A simple electrolyte beverage should ideally be consumed prior to and during bio-electrode treatment to enhance treatment efficacy and further stabilize patient wellness. Homemade Electrolyte Beverage Recipe: • 500 ml (17 oz) water • 3 tablespoons maple syrup (raw honey is an alternative option) • 1 tsp coarse sea salt • Lemon juice, to taste • Lime juice, to taste Combine all ingredients and stir thoroughly. Drink throughout the day. **Explanation of Electrolyte Drink Ingredients** Citrus fruits are rich in electrolytes. Lemons have the most of any of them. The naturally occurring sugars in these fruit juices also help to maintain energy during the healing process. It will ease pain and speed recovery. Also rich in Vitamin C, citrus fruits help to maintain the immune system, and are therefore great remedies for acute and post-acute withdrawal from drugs and alcohol. For the maple syrup and/or honey, the most important considerations are that the maple syrup is real, and that the honey is raw. Maple syrup is loaded with antioxidants and electrolytes. Many so-called “syrups” are cut with high fructose corn syrup and contain artificial flavors and colors. Raw honey is filled with natural enzymes and minerals. Pasteurization kills honey’s enzymes and antioxidants. The easily digestible sugars in both maple syrup and honey are great to keep energy high during recovery. The reason for choosing sea salt rather than common table salt is that sea salt is rich in several dozen trace minerals that our bodies need to survive (specifically sodium, magnesium, potassium, and calcium). Table salt does not contain any of those minerals because of the way that it is processed*.* Sea salt plays an important role in balancing the stress hormones during health recovery. Salt reduces adrenaline levels and supports overall metabolic health. Pink Himalayan salt also has all the important trace minerals. NOTE: Real coconut water makes an excellent alternative to the electrolyte-balancing drink. Coconut water is the perfect source of electrolytes for hangovers, drug and alcohol withdrawal/recovery, and illness. Indeed, it is often called “Nature’s Gatorade” because it is extremely high in potassium content (one of the main functioning electrolytes that your body needs to prevent cramping); however, with thirteen times more potassium than Gatorade, less sugar, more electrolytes, and twice the sodium, coconut water is highly preferable to Gatorade. It is loaded with the vitamins, minerals, and other nutrients needed for rehydration and healing. The balance of electrolytes and fluids found in coconut water is close to that which exists inside the cell. Plus, it tastes great.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 eicopw,*I had a weird side effect from taking adderall and coffee and the same time.*,0,help-seeking,2,"So I have been taking adderall 10mg for a little over a week and I've been testing it. Today i decided to take adderall and coffee at the same time. I think this was a bad idea because i felt extremely jittery and anxious, but the worst part was i came down from them at the same time. I am not fully sure of my personal side effects of adderall yet but coming down at the same time from both I had this weird feeling of nausea, weak, bad headache, tired, extremely zoned out, and almost like a not knowing what's going on kinda feeling, also i'm just getting over the flu. Not sure why this happened but it sucked. Should I just avoid caffeine for now on, I can do that cause the adderall is doing way more than the caffeine was. The reason i'm asking is cause I couldn't find anyone having this problem. So if you guys got any tips that would be helpful, like if its the flu, or the adderall, or the caffeine, or if anyone else has experienced this.",whatafeller,1,0,9,2020-01-01 02:25:12,ADHD,"So I have been taking adderall 10mg for a little over a week and I've been testing it. Today i decided to take adderall and coffee at the same time. I think this was a bad idea because i felt extremely jittery and anxious, but the worst part was i came down from them at the same time. I am not fully sure of my personal side effects of adderall yet but coming down at the same time from both I had this weird feeling of nausea, weak, bad headache, tired, extremely zoned out, and almost like a not knowing what's going on kinda feeling, also i'm just getting over the flu. Not sure why this happened but it sucked. Should I just avoid caffeine for now on, I can do that cause the adderall is doing way more than the caffeine was. The reason i'm asking is cause I couldn't find anyone having this problem. So if you guys got any tips that would be helpful, like if its the flu, or the adderall, or the caffeine, or if anyone else has experienced this.",1,2,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you are taking adderall,,,,,,True,122 evk8p6,Circumstantial evidence,0,help-seeking,1,I tried reporting the guy who put his dick in me without my consent. The police called me saying that they are not going to criminally charge him as there is circumstantial evidence. So wtf????? What do I do?,321-throwaway-123123,1,0,6,2020-01-29 08:32:17,rapecounseling,I tried reporting the guy who put his dick in me without my consent. The police called me saying that they are not going to criminally charge him as there is circumstantial evidence. So wtf????? What do I do?,2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,the guy's forceful actions,,,,True,202 el5jcf,Is there something wrong with me?,1b,help-seeking,1,"I'll start off by saying a some days I feel somewhat normal. But mainly I isolate myself from people and find other people annoying and sensitive. Because of this I just prefer to keep to myself and not interact with peers. I'm really into a select few topics and perhaps my obsession for a these topics is why I'm so inclined to work on my lab setup than rather go out with friends to a movie. I also find small tack and ""social norms"" quite absurd. An example of a ""social norm"" is when I'm with a friend and I don't engage them in any conversation. I'm usually thinking about something more important than their new puppy and honestly, could care less. Most of my good friends share my interest in programming and I assume that's why I get along with them better than someone else. I also tend to (and like) to take things quite literally, perhaps due to the structure of programming. My apologies if this is the wrong sub for this and my behavior described is actually quite common.",user945345,1,0,0,2020-01-07 03:28:18,mentalillness,"I'll start off by saying a some days I feel somewhat normal. But mainly I isolate myself from people and find other people annoying and sensitive. Because of this I just prefer to keep to myself and not interact with peers. I'm really into a select few topics and perhaps my obsession for a these topics is why I'm so inclined to work on my lab setup than rather go out with friends to a movie. I also find small tack and ""social norms"" quite absurd. An example of a ""social norm"" is when I'm with a friend and I don't engage them in any conversation. I'm usually thinking about something more important than their new puppy and honestly, could care less. Most of my good friends share my interest in programming and I assume that's why I get along with them better than someone else. I also tend to (and like) to take things quite literally, perhaps due to the structure of programming. My apologies if this is the wrong sub for this and my behavior described is actually quite common.",2,1,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you about isolating yourself from people,What do you need help with now that X?,you like to isolate yourself,,True,210 ek6rkz,worst feeling everrrrr,1a,rant,1,So this is a little cringe but it’s lowkey killing me on the inside. I was going to make a TikTok because I was really bored and I decided to Snapchat my two best friends who moved away. It’s been like an hour and I went to check if they saw it or not. And both of the conversations went “ Your snaps are pending until _____ adds you as her friend” and I thought “oh okay” and my heart just sunk. I went to check all of my social media’s (I don’t really post that much) and found they blocked/unfollowed me on all of them except one of the friend on Facebook. I messaged him and went to check up on it in an hour and I got BLOCKED. I tried FaceTiming and calling but it’s not going through. I have never felt so betrayed and hurt in my life. I rarely am on my phone but when I am I try my best to message them and to see that they just blocked me really hurts. We’ve been through almost 4 years of friendship and for this to happen without any context or messages hurt. I really don’t know what to do...,Lil_Eggroll7450,4,0,4,2020-01-05 02:39:14,sad,So this is a little cringe but it’s lowkey killing me on the inside. I was going to make a TikTok because I was really bored and I decided to Snapchat my two best friends who moved away. It’s been like an hour and I went to check if they saw it or not. And both of the conversations went “ Your snaps are pending until _____ adds you as her friend” and I thought “oh okay” and my heart just sunk. I went to check all of my social media’s (I don’t really post that much) and found they blocked/unfollowed me on all of them except one of the friend on Facebook. I messaged him and went to check up on it in an hour and I got BLOCKED. I tried FaceTiming and calling but it’s not going through. I have never felt so betrayed and hurt in my life. I rarely am on my phone but when I am I try my best to message them and to see that they just blocked me really hurts. We’ve been through almost 4 years of friendship and for this to happen without any context or messages hurt. I really don’t know what to do...,2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel hurt by your friends actions,,True,220 f01wxd,"Please, save yourself.",1b,rant,3,"I left an abusive relationship 8 months ago. There were many times I feared for my life. Two days ago, my friend Sabrina lost hers. The following is from the news report; Pa State Police have charged 24 year old Nicholas F***** with first-degree murder and third-degree murder of Sabrina H****** of Gilbertsville. According to the affidavit of probable cause, Forman told police Sabrina was in a fight with three females at the PJ Whelihans in Oaks, Pa. Further investigation gleaned F***** was arguing with H****** in an Uber after leaving PJ Whelihans over a text message. The driver heard her say to him, ""You’re scaring me.” The Uber driver dropped them off at Formans address in Perkiomen late Sunday evening or early Monday morning where he noticed them arguing and him throwing something. A search warrant lists items like “clumps of hair” and clothing with “suspected blood stain” taken from inside and outside the residence. State Police witnesses say F***** transported H****** to the Pottstown Hospital Monday morning by calling an Uber at 9:45am. The Uber driver had no idea she was dead. One recording from his phone shows Sabrina lying in a grassy area. In the recording he is heard saying, “This is what a cheating liar gets. You hear me? Cheating f****** liar. Dirty a** c***. Dirty a** bitch. You dirty a** lying a** bitch.” The recording ends after he finished his statement. My heart is aching. Her family is broken inside. Her friends are mourning. And she is gone. I remember that feeling all too well, when a man starts to hit you again and all you can wonder is, ""am I going to die this time?"" Please, leave your relationship if it has turned abusive or toxic. Please save your own life.",ashehole64,1,0,5,2020-02-07 00:14:00,domesticviolence,"I left an abusive relationship 8 months ago. There were many times I feared for my life. Two days ago, my friend Sabrina lost hers. The following is from the news report; Pa State Police have charged 24 year old Nicholas F***** with first-degree murder and third-degree murder of Sabrina H****** of Gilbertsville. According to the affidavit of probable cause, Forman told police Sabrina was in a fight with three females at the PJ Whelihans in Oaks, Pa. Further investigation gleaned F***** was arguing with H****** in an Uber after leaving PJ Whelihans over a text message. The driver heard her say to him, ""You’re scaring me.” The Uber driver dropped them off at Formans address in Perkiomen late Sunday evening or early Monday morning where he noticed them arguing and him throwing something. A search warrant lists items like “clumps of hair” and clothing with “suspected blood stain” taken from inside and outside the residence. State Police witnesses say F***** transported H****** to the Pottstown Hospital Monday morning by calling an Uber at 9:45am. The Uber driver had no idea she was dead. One recording from his phone shows Sabrina lying in a grassy area. In the recording he is heard saying, “This is what a cheating liar gets. You hear me? Cheating f****** liar. Dirty a** c***. Dirty a** bitch. You dirty a** lying a** bitch.” The recording ends after he finished his statement. My heart is aching. Her family is broken inside. Her friends are mourning. And she is gone. I remember that feeling all too well, when a man starts to hit you again and all you can wonder is, ""am I going to die this time?"" Please, leave your relationship if it has turned abusive or toxic. Please save your own life.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 eiggvv,I don't know how to cry anymore,1a,help-seeking,2,"I (M21) have had depression since 2011 and haven't cried once through any of it. 2009 was really the first year it hit me (not feeling good enough, suicidal thoughts etc) and crying to sleep came so easily but I overcame all those emotions the year after and it was truly one of my happiest. A little while after I started high school in 2011 is when so much of it came back to me. I guess that going into my early teens I felt like I'd be personally stronger if I was able to hold it all back. I now realise this has all built up over time and haven't been able to tear up properly even when trying to. The other night I watched Grave of the fireflies which was just as sad as I'd heard but still couldn't get the urge to just bawl. At times I've tried listening to sad songs but hasn't done much either. A lot of it is partly a lack of trying but I'm seriously interested in finding a way to have a healthy cry for once. If anyone has any suggestions, tips, stories I'm all open for it. Even a simple movie or song recommendation cant hurt at this point. I'd rather do it alone in a private space which is sometimes hard to get but anything that might help is much appreciated.",aLubricatedSealion,1,0,7,2020-01-01 09:14:39,getting_over_it,"I (M21) have had depression since 2011 and haven't cried once through any of it. 2009 was really the first year it hit me (not feeling good enough, suicidal thoughts etc) and crying to sleep came so easily but I overcame all those emotions the year after and it was truly one of my happiest. A little while after I started high school in 2011 is when so much of it came back to me. I guess that going into my early teens I felt like I'd be personally stronger if I was able to hold it all back. I now realise this has all built up over time and haven't been able to tear up properly even when trying to. The other night I watched Grave of the fireflies which was just as sad as I'd heard but still couldn't get the urge to just bawl. At times I've tried listening to sad songs but hasn't done much either. A lot of it is partly a lack of trying but I'm seriously interested in finding a way to have a healthy cry for once. If anyone has any suggestions, tips, stories I'm all open for it. Even a simple movie or song recommendation cant hurt at this point. I'd rather do it alone in a private space which is sometimes hard to get but anything that might help is much appreciated.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ejx3iu,"I might be having delusions or maybe obsessions... I'm not sure, but I could do with some advice.",1a,help-seeking,2,"Hey everyone, I'd really appreciate some assistance with this one so please stick with me. A bit of back ground; I'm a 25 year old female, I've been diagnosed with BPD before someone else diagnosed me with Bipolar type 2. I've always have massive issues with anxiety and recently OCD, i also had some self harming tendencies. But one thing really bugs me. Since I was a young teen I've had these extremely in depth fantasys about being someone else, not that odd I know, but it's to a crazy extent. I've never brought it up because honestly I'm embarrassed. Always about being this one person I've created in my head, sometimes I fantasize about being them at differnt stages of their life. But always the same person. I have created all these imaginary friends and relationship that this persons encounters. My brain acts out full conversations and everything.... I thought maybe this had begun as a coping mechanism after being so alone for so long when I was younger. (Btw were talking about living in these fantasies for multiple hours a day, while I work, while I drive, sometimes I can't even concentrate on a movie because of them) it's all contained in my head and no one knows it's happening. But sometimes I'll catch myself making a facial expression/ sound or movement that's related to whats happening in my head not real life... I have friends now and life's okay, so I don't know why I still do this, I'm frightened there may be something wrong with my brain that's laying dormant... So does anyone have a name for what this may be? If you read all of this, thank you so much, really.",throwaway726423,5,0,6,2020-01-04 14:14:51,mentalillness,"Hey everyone, I'd really appreciate some assistance with this one so please stick with me. A bit of back ground; I'm a 25 year old female, I've been diagnosed with BPD before someone else diagnosed me with Bipolar type 2. I've always have massive issues with anxiety and recently OCD, i also had some self harming tendencies. But one thing really bugs me. Since I was a young teen I've had these extremely in depth fantasys about being someone else, not that odd I know, but it's to a crazy extent. I've never brought it up because honestly I'm embarrassed. Always about being this one person I've created in my head, sometimes I fantasize about being them at differnt stages of their life. But always the same person. I have created all these imaginary friends and relationship that this persons encounters. My brain acts out full conversations and everything.... I thought maybe this had begun as a coping mechanism after being so alone for so long when I was younger. (Btw were talking about living in these fantasies for multiple hours a day, while I work, while I drive, sometimes I can't even concentrate on a movie because of them) it's all contained in my head and no one knows it's happening. But sometimes I'll catch myself making a facial expression/ sound or movement that's related to whats happening in my head not real life... I have friends now and life's okay, so I don't know why I still do this, I'm frightened there may be something wrong with my brain that's laying dormant... So does anyone have a name for what this may be? If you read all of this, thank you so much, really.",2,1,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you overcome these delusions,,True,211 f7x7by,Advice on how to talk to partner,1b,help-seeking,1,My partner can get very angry at times and it makes me feel uncomfortable. We now have a baby and I do not want him to be that way around her but I don’t know the best way to talk to him about this. What should I do if he ever is angry around her? I want him to know that it is absolutely unacceptable if he ever is like that. Any help would be really appreciated.,starfruit1715,1,0,4,2020-02-22 19:14:57,Anger,My partner can get very angry at times. it makes me feel uncomfortable. We now have a baby and I do not want him to be that way around her but I don’t know the best way to talk to him about this. What should I do if he ever is angry around her? I want him to know that it is absolutely unacceptable if he ever is like that. Any help would be really appreciated.,1,2,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what makes your partner angry,,,,,,True,122 f1y0tl,I reported my rapist today.,0,rant,1,I went to the police and filed a report with the help of my case worker today. I feel like a weight as been lifted.,spidey-man01,6,0,23,2020-02-10 22:17:21,rapecounseling,I reported my rapist today. I went to the police and filed a report with the help of my case worker today. I feel like a weight as been lifted.,2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,your reported your rapist to the police,,True,220 euhzo1,Traumatized for a while now.,1b,help-seeking,1,"Long story short. 5-6 years ago, on May 24th, I was out w my momma and family on my birthday. We were out eating and shopping. The night comes, my dad gets home intoxicated and on other drugs. My bro and sis are upstairs and I’m down stairs w my momma. My dad and momma were arguing and he started beating on her. He was on some MMA shit, ground and pounding her face. I thought we was going to kill her. So what I did was get him in a headlock and squeeze as hard as I can. He almost bit a chunk out of my arm. I grew a lot of hate towards him and i can’t really get passed that event. It ruined me as a person. Turned me into a violent person. Should I talk to him ? I keep double thinking it because I don’t know what to ask. But I feel like I need to have that conversation. Idk. Kinda lost and confused at the moment.",cvrlosz1,1,0,3,2020-01-27 03:20:08,domesticviolence,"Long story short. 5-6 years ago, on May 24th, I was out w my momma and family on my birthday. We were out eating and shopping. The night comes, my dad gets home intoxicated and on other drugs. My bro and sis are upstairs and I’m down stairs w my momma. My dad and momma were arguing and he started beating on her. He was on some MMA shit, ground and pounding her face. I thought we was going to kill her. So what I did was get him in a headlock and squeeze as hard as I can. I grew a lot of hate towards him and i can’t really get passed that event. It ruined me as a person. Turned me into a violent person. Should I talk to him ? I keep double thinking it because I don’t know what to ask. But I feel like I need to have that conversation. Idk. Kinda lost and confused at the moment.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ekl1su,"Some of my favorite hobbies are rife with people who have anxiety disorders (including me), and it makes me not want to go because sometimes their anxieties make me anxious. Does this make sense? How do you deal with it?",1b,help-seeking,1,"Like... it's exhausting. I usually think, hey - this is great. Everyone there understands my anxiety and nobody will be weird because we all know we all have these anxieties... but then it's not that way at all. Everyone is trying too hard, maybe? I don't know. Agh.",allofthisisbullshit,1,0,3,2020-01-05 23:35:24,socialanxiety,"Some of my favorite hobbies are rife with people who have anxiety disorders (including me), and it makes me not want to go because sometimes their anxieties make me anxious. Does this make sense? How do you deal with it? Like... it's exhausting. I usually think, hey - this is great. Everyone there understands my anxiety and nobody will be weird because we all know we all have these anxieties... but then it's not that way at all. Everyone is trying too hard, maybe? I don't know. Agh.",2,1,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you feel exhausted,,,title,True,212 en44tc,"Straight up, I don't matter.",0,rant,1,"I'm like an NPC, I'm barely a person.",edv13,1,0,11,2020-01-11 06:46:47,mentalillness,"I'm like an NPC, I'm barely a person.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eia6ab,To everyone who made it to 2020,0,chitchat,2,"Good job! Good job on surviving another year in a world of people who only care about themselves Good job on trying to silence the voices in your head that pester you to end it all Good job on working toward a better you even in little steps Good job on fighting back the demon inside you enough that you are still breathing now Good job on going to therapy and even if you can't afford it now, good job on being your own therapist Good job for putting on your best smile even if you feel broken inside Good job on staying around for the ones who need you more than you know it Good job for proving anyone who believed you'd be dead before 2020 wrong Good job for waking up another day even if you really wanted to die last night Good job for trying so hard to take care of yourself Just good job for everything you push through to live another day. Even if some of you did not make it, I hope that you are free and happy even if you can't read this now. So go laugh in front of depressions face because you fucking lived for another year!",LunarFire108,1,0,10,2019-12-31 22:53:34,depression,"Good job! Good job on surviving another year in a world of people who only care about themselves Good job on trying to silence the voices in your head that pester you to end it all Good job on working toward a better you even in little steps Good job on fighting back the demon inside you enough that you are still breathing now Good job on going to therapy and even if you can't afford it now, good job on being your own therapist Good job for putting on your best smile even if you feel broken inside Good job on staying around for the ones who need you more than you know it Good job for proving anyone who believed you'd be dead before 2020 wrong Good job for waking up another day even if you really wanted to die last night Good job for trying so hard to take care of yourself Just good job for everything you push through to live another day. Even if some of you did not make it, I hope that you are free and happy even if you can't read this now. So go laugh in front of depressions face because you fucking lived for another year!",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 eieg6o,To another horrible year,0,rant,1,Let’s just hope I actually die this year and don’t fail like last year.,Ummmyeeppp,1,0,4,2020-01-01 05:18:35,selfharm,Let’s just hope I actually die this year and don’t fail like last year.,1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what happened last year,How did X make you feel?,the previous year,What do you need help with now that X?,you are having suicidal thoughts,,True,100 eidg1v,I can’t take it,1a,survey,1,"There’s so much for me to be anxious about. No matter how much I think I’ve improved there’s always something. Going into a new year makes it worse. Another year of worry about everything. Does anyone have experience with sensitivity to EVERYTHING? It could be world issues, my family, relationships, everything. I think of my parents and get anxious thoughts about their future, health, etc. I think of our world as far as things such as climate change, world peace, etc. I’m always worrying about something. I’m starting to think this is no way to live.",alexthe_gr8,1,0,4,2020-01-01 03:39:22,Anxiety,"There’s so much for me to be anxious about. No matter how much I think I’ve improved there’s always something. Going into a new year makes it worse. Another year of worry about everything. Does anyone have experience with sensitivity to EVERYTHING? It could be world issues, my family, relationships, everything. I think of my parents and get anxious thoughts about their future, health, etc. I think of our world as far as things such as climate change, world peace, etc. I’m always worrying about something. I’m starting to think this is no way to live.",2,1,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how your anxious thoughts makes you feel,,,,True,212 eiawrt,Why,1b,rant,1,"Life is something I just don't get. Sometimes I try to think of the reasons of life. I just can't think of anything. I'm currently existing for my family and the few friends I have. The only way I find entertainment is in video games, books, or anime. I know this sounds dumb and edgy but I just don't get it. Why.. why. Why am I alive I've been nothing but useless to the people I once held close. Is there a point anymore now that we've drifted. What keeps me from ending it. TBH the only thing rn is anime. I'm so so so close to doing it sometimes. I'm so sick of putting on a fake face. I just want to be gone. I'm so sick of this annoying world that hates me. I'm ending this with an apology I'm sorry world for not being the regular person I should be. Thanks people who actually read this.❤️",Jisatsu_0403,1,0,2,2019-12-31 23:52:42,depression,"Life is something I just don't get. Sometimes I try to think of the reasons of life. I just can't think of anything. I'm currently existing for my family and the few friends I have. The only way I find entertainment is in video games, books, or anime. I know this sounds dumb and edgy but I just don't get it. Why.. why. Why am I alive I've been nothing but useless to the people I once held close. Is there a point anymore now that we've drifted. What keeps me from ending it. TBH the only thing rn is anime. I'm so so so close to doing it sometimes. I'm so sick of putting on a fake face. I just want to be gone. I'm so sick of this annoying world that hates me. I'm ending this with an apology I'm sorry world for not being the regular person I should be. Thanks people who actually read this.❤️",0,2,0,What made you feel X ?,so sick of the world,,,What can help you overcome X ?,this feeling of being sick of the world,suicidal,True,020 ewsbja,how do I stop being so angry?,1a,help-seeking,1,"I wanna be loving and compassionate to my boyfriend because in his family he got used to the harsh words thrown to him. I don’t wanna be like them and add up to the hurt he feels even though he doesn’t tell me he’s hurt but sometimes he makes me very angry and i get so mad and react wrongly, do you guys have an tips on how I can control this anger?",sfdaisy1997,1,0,3,2020-01-31 18:07:19,Anger,"I wanna be loving and compassionate to my boyfriend because in his family he got used to the harsh words thrown to him. I don’t wanna be like them and add up to the hurt he feels even though he doesn’t tell me he’s hurt but sometimes he makes me very angry and i get so mad and react wrongly, do you guys have an tips on how I can control this anger?",1,0,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you get mad at your boyfriend,How did X make you feel?,reacting wrongly to your boyfriend,,,,True,102 eqofkk,How to deal with being accused of using while sober?,1a,help-seeking,1,"So I've been working on getting clean for a long time now. I no long use opiates, smoke cigarettes or even drink alcohol. I smoke some weed once in a while but it's legal in my state and it's not really as issue. Skip to today and my sister sees my eyes dilated and that to her is ironclad proof I had used (I had not) and it lead to quite an argument. As it dragged on I was getting more and more frustrated at the whole thing, working so hard to get better just to be accused of still using and lying about it. I feel like I can't win and at this point I wish I did use cause if I'm getting blamed for it anyway I might as well be high too right? I'm so sick of this. Thank you to anyone who bothered to read my pathetic post, I just don't have my other outlet.",TizzleDirt,1,0,30,2020-01-18 23:40:29,OpiatesRecovery,"How to deal with being accused of using while sober? So I've been working on getting clean for a long time now. I no long use opiates, smoke cigarettes or even drink alcohol. I smoke some weed once in a while but it's legal in my state and it's not really as issue. Skip to today and my sister sees my eyes dilated and that to her is ironclad proof I had used (I had not) and it lead to quite an argument. As it dragged on I was getting more and more frustrated at the whole thing, working so hard to get better just to be accused of still using and lying about it. I feel like I can't win and at this point I wish I did use cause if I'm getting blamed for it anyway I might as well be high too right? I'm so sick of this. Thank you to anyone who bothered to read my pathetic post, I just don't have my other outlet.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eijlj9,Best place to cut?,0,help-seeking,1,,retardation334,1,0,1,2020-01-01 15:41:25,selfharm,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 ei8ehx,Family meetup in New year's Eve,0,help-seeking,1,I'm currently at a family gathering at my aunt's house i have no idea what to do and I've been in the bathroom for about 15 mins and I know if I stay in any longer people will ask questions please can someone help.,greentea3468,1,0,0,2019-12-31 20:31:52,socialanxiety,I'm currently at a family gathering at my aunt's house i have no idea what to do and I've been in the bathroom for about 15 mins and I know if I stay in any longer people will ask questions please can someone help.,1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what made you hide in the bathroom,How did X make you feel?,the situation,What do you need help with now that X?,you can't hide in the bathroom for long,,True,100 ern6si,Banned from Xbox again,1c,rant,1,"This is the 20th time. Just to get unbanned tomorrow night. What's even the point Microsoft? Fucking idiots. Haf a bad overwatch match and some kid teabags me we have a back and forth and I get banned. I reported him too so I hope he did as well. Little shit. I hate people, I hate myself, I'm tired of these fucking games.",Tripledickmafia,1,0,0,2020-01-21 01:19:36,Anger,"This is the 20th time. Just to get unbanned tomorrow night. What's even the point Microsoft? Fucking idiots. Haf a bad overwatch match and some kid teabags me we have a back and forth and I get banned. I reported him too so I hope he did as well. Little shit. I hate people, I hate myself, I'm tired of these fucking games.",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you got banned again,,True,220 euzo34,He forgot my birthday,1b,rant,1,"We still talk but not to the same level as when we lived together. I'm trying to figure out if I want to move on without him or see if he can change from a distance. He forgot my birthday and it hurts more than I know how to even begin to describe. I'm sure family and friends will say he abused you and take this as another sign to move on, but I'm just sad. I don't miss him most days but this really hurts.",Effective-Revolution,1,0,3,2020-01-28 03:16:28,domesticviolence,"We still talk but not to the same level as when we lived together. I'm trying to figure out if I want to move on without him or see if he can change from a distance. He forgot my birthday it hurts more than I know how to even begin to describe. I'm sure family and friends will say he abused you and take this as another sign to move on, but I'm just sad. I don't miss him most days but this really hurts.",1,2,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you are no longer living together,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel sad that he forgot your birthday,,True,120 foim32,Down the rabbit hole.,1a,rant,2,"I feel overwhelmed. Before the virus became global, I had a big falling out with my mom, we both said horrible thing to each other and I said that I wished she'd die. We didn't talk for two weeks while living in the same apartment, then when we had to stay inside we finally talked and I noticed a big bruise on her hand, she told me she might have heart problems and she will find out in a few weeks and after a few more tests. She had her second test yesterday, we still don't know what's going on with her heart. She was put today on an unpaid leave from her job that may result in not having this job even after everything settles down. I'm currently not working. With the money she's gonna get from the government we won't really make due. My father passed away when I was 10, my parents were divorced by then, and he never paid child support, because he never had any money, he died broke. I miss him so bad. He's the only man I ever felt like I could trust. And to be honest, any man I met who wasn't him, was not a man who should be trusted. I feel like everything is my fault, I have felt this way for a long time. I mean not just her health, everyone's. I feel like I'm a negative person in this world that has a bad influence over everything. I have a really small circle of friends and to be honest I don't really like them usually. They have a lot of behavioral patterns that I can't get with. So I don't normally talk about my problems with anyone. I feel dissociated from everything and like I have PTSD. I feel like a lost cause and like I never made a good decision in my 23 years on this planet. I tried counseling, therapists, psychologists and psychiatrists. I haven't met one I liked, trusted or had any type of chemistry yet. And the pills just made it worse. I'm sad, its currently 4:30am where I live, I can't fall asleep in the last few weeks and I'm crying now, unprovoked after a long time not crying and feeling like I'm unable to cry. My head hurts, but my heart is so heavy so I feel out of balance. I don't know how I'm gonna get over this, I just hope I can.",Dont_ComeAround,1,0,12,2020-03-25 02:36:55,getting_over_it,"I feel overwhelmed. Before the virus became global, I had a big falling out with my mom, we both said horrible thing to each other and I said that I wished she'd die. We didn't talk for two weeks while living in the same apartment, then when we had to stay inside we finally talked and I noticed a big bruise on her hand, she told me she might have heart problems and she will find out in a few weeks and after a few more tests. She had her second test yesterday, we still don't know what's going on with her heart. She was put today on an unpaid leave from her job that may result in not having this job even after everything settles down. I'm currently not working. With the money she's gonna get from the government we won't really make due. My father passed away when I was 10, my parents were divorced by then, and he never paid child support, because he never had any money, he died broke. I miss him so bad. He's the only man I ever felt like I could trust. And to be honest, any man I met who wasn't him, was not a man who should be trusted. I feel like everything is my fault, I have felt this way for a long time. I mean not just her health, everyone's. I feel like I'm a negative person in this world that has a bad influence over everything. I have a really small circle of friends and to be honest I don't really like them usually. They have a lot of behavioral patterns that I can't get with. So I don't normally talk about my problems with anyone. I feel dissociated from everything and like I have PTSD. I feel like a lost cause and like I never made a good decision in my 23 years on this planet. I tried counseling, therapists, psychologists and psychiatrists. I haven't met one I liked, trusted or had any type of chemistry yet. And the pills just made it worse. I'm sad, its currently 4:30am where I live, I can't fall asleep in the last few weeks and I'm crying now, unprovoked after a long time not crying and feeling like I'm unable to cry. My head hurts, but my heart is so heavy so I feel out of balance. I don't know how I'm gonna get over this, I just hope I can.",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you overcome your sadness,,True,221 eqyjz2,Intimate Partner Violence Survey for Better Recognition and Prevention,0,survey,1,"Hello, My name is Cristina and I'm currently finishing my degree in medicine. Having worked now at the hospital for some years, I've encountered several cases of domestic violence, particularly from men towards women. Since western society has increasingly recognized the subject in recent years, I've decided to do further research on the subject with the aim of improving our current prevention and diagnosis protocols. In order to do this, we have prepared a survey for victims of intimate partner violence to take. It should take around 5-10 minutes to complete. If you'd like to participate, here's the link to the post containing the survey: [https://www.reddit.com/r/SampleSize/comments/eqyezx/academic\_intimate\_partner\_violence\_indicators\_for/](https://www.reddit.com/r/SampleSize/comments/eqyezx/academic_intimate_partner_violence_indicators_for/) Thanks in advance",CristinaVP,1,0,0,2020-01-19 16:40:15,domesticviolence,"Hello, My name is Cristina and I'm currently finishing my degree in medicine. Having worked now at the hospital for some years, I've encountered several cases of domestic violence, particularly from men towards women. Since western society has increasingly recognized the subject in recent years, I've decided to do further research on the subject with the aim of improving our current prevention and diagnosis protocols. In order to do this, we have prepared a survey for victims of intimate partner violence to take. It should take around 5-10 minutes to complete. If you'd like to participate, here's the link to the post containing the survey: [https://www.reddit.com/r/SampleSize/comments/eqyezx/academic\_intimate\_partner\_violence\_indicators\_for/](https://www.reddit.com/r/SampleSize/comments/eqyezx/academic_intimate_partner_violence_indicators_for/) Thanks in advance",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eikh73,2000 was 20 years ago and I hate that,1c,rant,1,"Is this a quarter life crisis thing? 2000 was 20 years ago... What? I'm not even 25 and the thought makes me sick. 2000 feels like 10, maybe 15 if I'm pushing it, years ago. The GameCube is nearly 20? Shrek? SpongeBob and PPG are *over* 20? That's absurd... But it's true. The first Gen Z kids are turning 20 years old. I'll probably be working with post-2000 kids soon. That's a weird thought. My brain still thinks as them as 8-12 year olds. 2010 was 10 years ago? It feels like 2015, not 2020. My brain is stuck years in the past for some reason.",Gallantpride,1,0,10,2020-01-01 16:56:37,Anxiety,"Is this a quarter life crisis thing? 2000 was 20 years ago... What? I'm not even 25 and the thought makes me sick. 2000 feels like 10, maybe 15 if I'm pushing it, years ago. The GameCube is nearly 20? Shrek? SpongeBob and PPG are *over* 20? That's absurd... But it's true. The first Gen Z kids are turning 20 years old. I'll probably be working with post-2000 kids soon. That's a weird thought. My brain still thinks as them as 8-12 year olds. 2010 was 10 years ago? It feels like 2015, not 2020. My brain is stuck years in the past for some reason.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ei9l9w,I need some advice,1b,help-seeking,2,"This is probably going to be pretty long so I'm going to have to skip over some details. To start, I'm 21M, I've dealt with pretty bad social anxiety, depression throughout my life as well as selective mutism for a few years. As a result, I've had and still have zero friends nor am I close with my family, they support me but i don't really open up to them. A few years ago my dad forced me to do something physical/social, ended up being Martial Arts. I never got into it and I never really made friends except with one guy the same age as me. I wouldn't have even called us friends, he simply volunteered to partner up with me and tried to be my friend but I shut him down. Despite me being cold towards him and me just being weird in general he was still decent to me and we would still partner up in class. One day I had enough and stopped going, I didn't say goodbye to him. All of that was a few years ago, I don't use traditional social media so I haven't heard from him until recently where we bumped into each other. We said hello and he asked me for my phone number which I gave him. I thought he was just putting on a show and I didn't expect to hear back from him but he just contacted me a few hours ago asking to hang out and potentially stay the night. I told him yes but I'm just confused about this whole situation. He's never seemed like a sketchy person but him inviting me to stay over after everything that happened just doesn't seem right to me. On one hand I feel guilty for shutting him down and feel that I'm ready to start socializing more but on the other hand I'm afraid he has ulterior motives. Am I just being paranoid?",PileOfRats,1,0,3,2019-12-31 22:06:28,socialanxiety,"This is probably going to be pretty long so I'm going to have to skip over some details. To start, I'm 21M, I've dealt with pretty bad social anxiety, depression throughout my life as well as selective mutism for a few years. As a result, I've had and still have zero friends nor am I close with my family, they support me but i don't really open up to them. A few years ago my dad forced me to do something physical/social, ended up being Martial Arts. I never got into it and I never really made friends except with one guy the same age as me. I wouldn't have even called us friends, he simply volunteered to partner up with me and tried to be my friend but I shut him down. Despite me being cold towards him and me just being weird in general he was still decent to me and we would still partner up in class. One day I had enough and stopped going, I didn't say goodbye to him. All of that was a few years ago, I don't use traditional social media so I haven't heard from him until recently where we bumped into each other. We said hello and he asked me for my phone number which I gave him. I thought he was just putting on a show and I didn't expect to hear back from him but he just contacted me a few hours ago asking to hang out and potentially stay the night. I told him yes but I'm just confused about this whole situation. He's never seemed like a sketchy person but him inviting me to stay over after everything that happened just doesn't seem right to me. On one hand I feel guilty for shutting him down and feel that I'm ready to start socializing more but on the other hand I'm afraid he has ulterior motives. Am I just being paranoid?",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 f1tjm3,I hit him,1a,help-seeking,2,"Hey guys, I just wanted to share this out of guilt and maybe get some advice at the same time. My husband and I have been married for 2 years. I have always been a very angry person but I never actually hurt anyone, I would just kick doors or punch walls or exercise to get it all out. I know it’s probably not a normal thing, maybe especially for a woman (?) but that’s just how it is. My relationship with my husband was great and nothing ever got physical until after I gave birth to our daughter. It may have been the stress, lack of sleep and the fact that I no longer had time or energy to let the anger out the safe way. But I noticed that every time we fight I just could not control my anger and started out with pushing him or hitting his chest to keep him away from me. About a few months ago, we had a really big fight and I kicked him in the stomach and just about almost punched him in the face to keep him away from me. I say keep him away from me not that he’s actually hurting me, but he was trying to calm me down by keeping me from throwing shit and trying to hug me... I know that I was wrong and I’ve apologized to him and we haven’t fought ever since and I still feel like absolute shit. Like how could I? What happened that made me lose my mind enough to actually hit him?! I don’t know what to say or think and it’s taken me this long to even write this. I’m so ashamed that I haven’t been able to talk to anyone about it. I know I’m in the wrong but I don’t know what to do...",Maniacalmind0000,1,0,3,2020-02-10 17:24:56,domesticviolence,"Hey guys, I just wanted to share this out of guilt and maybe get some advice at the same time. My husband and I have been married for 2 years. I have always been a very angry person but I never actually hurt anyone, I would just kick doors or punch walls or exercise to get it all out. I know it’s probably not a normal thing, maybe especially for a woman (?) but that’s just how it is. My relationship with my husband was great and nothing ever got physical until after I gave birth to our daughter. It may have been the stress, lack of sleep and the fact that I no longer had time or energy to let the anger out the safe way. But I noticed that every time we fight I just could not control my anger and started out with pushing him or hitting his chest to keep him away from me. About a few months ago, we had a really big fight and I kicked him in the stomach and just about almost punched him in the face to keep him away from me. I say keep him away from me not that he’s actually hurting me, but he was trying to calm me down by keeping me from throwing shit and trying to hug me... I know that I was wrong and I’ve apologized to him and we haven’t fought ever since and I still feel like absolute shit. Like how could I? What happened that made me lose my mind enough to actually hit him?! I don’t know what to say or think and it’s taken me this long to even write this. I’m so ashamed that I haven’t been able to talk to anyone about it. I know I’m in the wrong but I don’t know what to do...",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help control your anger,,True,221 eig84i,Anybody around to talk?,1a,help-seeking,1,"I have no fucking idea why but I'm really anxious because my fiancee and I have been together for years but he's finally moving in with me this month. This should be really awesome because he's awesome imo, but it's actually making me super anxious and I feel like I cant talk to him about it even though hes my best friend. I've got nobody else to talk to about it and I think I just need to vent to someone other than him. Anybody around to talk?",Cassandraaaaaaaa,1,0,2,2020-01-01 08:41:40,Anxiety,"I have no fucking idea why but I'm really anxious because my fiancee and I have been together for years but he's finally moving in with me this month. This should be really awesome because he's awesome imo, but it's actually making me super anxious and I feel like I cant talk to him about it even though hes my best friend. I've got nobody else to talk to about it and I think I just need to vent to someone other than him. Anybody around to talk?",2,1,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel about your fiancee moving in,,,,True,212 f6r4bt,I keep relapsing into my depressive habits but mostly because I’m not receiving any improvement or satisfaction for doing healthy habits.,1a,help-seeking,1,"So about a week ago I made a calendar that has goals (drink enough water, get 8-9hrs of sleep, meditate, study, exercise and shower/do skincare). At first, I was doing great. I got all my goals done for the first day but as the days went on, the less goals I did. I eventually go into a burnt out stage. Today was my burnt out stage. Ended up getting 4hrs or sleep, haven’t drank enough water, binged on fast food, ignored showering and meditating. I know that I will eventually get out of this burnt out stage but at the same time I know I’m going to fall back into it. There comes a point where it’s too much even though these tasks are simple (for me at least). I cried and got suicidal thoughts today because of how much stress and frustration this puts on me. Sure, I could try harder next time but I feel like the reason why I keep falling into my depressive habits (porn addiction, unhealthy eating habits, isolation, etc.) is not because of my basic goals set for myself but rather the fact that I’m not getting any improvement or satisfaction from doing this. This is practically my only hope at salvation. Without doing these basic tasks then I’m fucked. My antidepressant is pretty much in full force, but I don’t think it’s strong enough to make me extremely motivated and energetic. I started therapy recently but that’s overwhelming and I need to look for a better therapist. I’m still depressed as fuck. I’m still feeling empty. Any advice helps thank you.",-BoB-,1,0,4,2020-02-20 10:22:09,getting_over_it,"So about a week ago I made a calendar that has goals (drink enough water, get 8-9hrs of sleep, meditate, study, exercise and shower/do skincare). At first, I was doing great. I got all my goals done for the first day but as the days went on, the less goals I did. I eventually go into a burnt out stage. Today was my burnt out stage. Ended up getting 4hrs or sleep, haven’t drank enough water, binged on fast food, ignored showering and meditating. I know that I will eventually get out of this burnt out stage but at the same time I know I’m going to fall back into it. There comes a point where it’s too much even though these tasks are simple (for me at least). I cried and got suicidal thoughts today because of how much stress and frustration this puts on me. Sure, I could try harder next time but I feel like the reason why I keep falling into my depressive habits (porn addiction, unhealthy eating habits, isolation, etc.) is not because of my basic goals set for myself but rather the fact that I’m not getting any improvement or satisfaction from doing this. This is practically my only hope at salvation. Without doing these basic tasks then I’m fucked. My antidepressant is pretty much in full force, but I don’t think it’s strong enough to make me extremely motivated and energetic. I started therapy recently but that’s overwhelming and I need to look for a better therapist. I’m still depressed as fuck. I’m still feeling empty. Any advice helps thank you.",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you continue your healthy habits,,True,221 elex01,I don't know if I actually have ptsd,1a,help-seeking,2,"TW: Sexual Trauma, suicide I had what i think are repressed memories that came back about two years ago. I feel like i cant talk about my trauma, because i don't even know if it actually happened, or if my mind just made it up. I've had a ridiculously high sex drive since late middle school for seemingly no reason, i was obsessed and so lost in fantasies (nothing immoral) that my grades fell. Im trans and poly, like so aggressively poly i have trouble with monogamous relationships. I have diagnosed chemical depression and general anxiety disorders but i thought it was common, especially in high school. I went to therapy but they would always try to figure out ""the real reason"" i was depressed, as though my litte sister passing wasn't enough. I attempted suicide several times, but nobody knew. I had a sexual relationship with an ex my sophomore year. A few months after we started having sex, i started dissociating and having flashbacks of things i didn't remember, followed by panic attacks. I had had lots of negative sexual encounters (like regret or harassment; i often got my ass slapped in middle school hallways and thought it was a good thing until i was older) which, sadly, lots of afab people do, but i didn't remember any assault. I still have the flashbacks, though not as often or aggressively. Some positions or certain phrases trigger it, sometimes it's just the act, sometimes it's because someone angrily kicked their backpack in the hall or raised their voice. I usually have to stop whatever sexual thing I'm doing and often don't do anything else sex-wise for several days, but i can occasionally force it out of my head and continue. I still have an elevated sex drive but not as crazy as before i started getting them. I still have problems with monogamy. I wonder if the sex drive and my being trans and poly were defense mechanisms, like subconsciously trying to retake control of my body. I guess I'll never really know. I've tried to tell therapists and counselors, but i can't ever spit it out because i feel like they'll tell me repressed memories are a myth or I'm doing it for attention and i just don't know what to do. My ex broke up with me partly because of it. I hate sex now but i love it and i can't just quit. I'm so tired and conflicted and i don't know what to do. Sorry for the rant.",lesmexyfish,1,0,4,2020-01-07 17:52:57,ptsd,"TW: Sexual Trauma, suicide I had what i think are repressed memories that came back about two years ago. I feel like i cant talk about my trauma, because i don't even know if it actually happened, or if my mind just made it up. I've had a ridiculously high sex drive since late middle school for seemingly no reason, i was obsessed and so lost in fantasies (nothing immoral) that my grades fell. Im trans and poly, like so aggressively poly i have trouble with monogamous relationships. I have diagnosed chemical depression and general anxiety disorders but i thought it was common, especially in high school. I went to therapy but they would always try to figure out ""the real reason"" i was depressed, as though my litte sister passing wasn't enough. I attempted suicide several times, but nobody knew. I had a sexual relationship with an ex my sophomore year. A few months after we started having sex, i started dissociating and having flashbacks of things i didn't remember, followed by panic attacks. I had had lots of negative sexual encounters (like regret or harassment; i often got my ass slapped in middle school hallways and thought it was a good thing until i was older) which, sadly, lots of afab people do, but i didn't remember any assault. I still have the flashbacks, though not as often or aggressively. Some positions or certain phrases trigger it, sometimes it's just the act, sometimes it's because someone angrily kicked their backpack in the hall or raised their voice. I usually have to stop whatever sexual thing I'm doing and often don't do anything else sex-wise for several days, but i can occasionally force it out of my head and continue. I still have an elevated sex drive but not as crazy as before i started getting them. I still have problems with monogamy. I wonder if the sex drive and my being trans and poly were defense mechanisms, like subconsciously trying to retake control of my body. I guess I'll never really know. I've tried to tell therapists and counselors, but i can't ever spit it out because i feel like they'll tell me repressed memories are a myth or I'm doing it for attention and i just don't know what to do. My ex broke up with me partly because of it. I hate sex now but i love it and i can't just quit. I'm so tired and conflicted and i don't know what to do. Sorry for the rant.",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you control your sex drive,,True,221 eigkqh,How do I deal with constipation when I’m off my meds?,0,help-seeking,1,"I am currently taking a break from my meds because it’s winter break. I’ve noticed that when I’m taking it, it’s normal, but when I’m off of it I am constipated. Does anyone else have this problem?",ar_mae,1,0,2,2020-01-01 09:30:17,ADHD,"I am currently taking a break from my meds because it’s winter break. I’ve noticed that when I’m taking it, it’s normal, but when I’m off of it I am constipated. Does anyone else have this problem?",1,0,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what medicines are you taking and why,How did X make you feel?,the medicines,,,,True,102 ejsd68,Observations on myself,1a,help-seeking,2,"I’m a male teenager. So over the past two years I have gone through a mental rebuild. I was socially awkward, unable to defend myself (in an argument), nor did I have self value, and a cried... a lot. I hated all this things about me mainly for one reason - it made my life ineffective and more difficult than it should have been. I have become muchhhhh more social, and I am almost popular in my school (I could have a dated some popular girls, but every time we get close I fuck it up with what I think are intimacy problems). And I think people think I’m funny (atleast they laugh when I say jokes in class). Anyway, lately, I’ve been having this thing that I’ve been getting hella nervous in public. I would feel like I’m crying but no tears would come out. Then since I’m embarrassed, my eyes would feel like they’re burning, and they’d get a bit teary, but usually I will squint to make the tears go away. I hope to god it doesn’t look like I’m crying, hopefully, it looks like I’m just uncomfortable. I am simply unable to live in the moment. There are times in life that I had to get mentally heated and start yelling at an asshole that was verbally attacking me, and I was unable to do it. I froze. I have no problem in physical fights because my adrenaline takes over, and I’m a quite physically fit person, but I cannot USE my voice. I got that goddam feeling of crying without tears. And the eye burn thing. I HATE it. Also, I have this fear that everyone at my school hates me. Well, I will over analyze one small incident, then I will assume everyone hates me. Then the next day, I will over analyze another incident, and assume everyone loves me. Also, I hate myself. I think I’m a huge asshole. Well, that’s it I guess. Can anyone tell me their experience will the eye burning thing. I’ve looked at myself in the mirror when it’s happened before and my eyes didn’t look bloated like they do when I cry. Idk what the fuck it is. I seriously hate crying. Unless it’s over a death or something tragic and ya just gotta release, crying IS weakness.",BitchAccount3,7,0,8,2020-01-04 05:29:09,socialanxiety,"I’m a male teenager. So over the past two years I have gone through a mental rebuild. I was socially awkward, unable to defend myself (in an argument), nor did I have self value, and a cried... a lot. I hated all this things about me mainly for one reason - it made my life ineffective and more difficult than it should have been. I have become muchhhhh more social, and I am almost popular in my school (I could have a dated some popular girls, but every time we get close I fuck it up with what I think are intimacy problems). And I think people think I’m funny (atleast they laugh when I say jokes in class). Anyway, lately, I’ve been having this thing that I’ve been getting hella nervous in public. I would feel like I’m crying but no tears would come out. Then since I’m embarrassed, my eyes would feel like they’re burning, and they’d get a bit teary, but usually I will squint to make the tears go away. I hope to god it doesn’t look like I’m crying, hopefully, it looks like I’m just uncomfortable. I am simply unable to live in the moment. There are times in life that I had to get mentally heated and start yelling at an asshole that was verbally attacking me, and I was unable to do it. I froze. I have no problem in physical fights because my adrenaline takes over, and I’m a quite physically fit person, but I cannot USE my voice. I got that goddam feeling of crying without tears. And the eye burn thing. I HATE it. Also, I have this fear that everyone at my school hates me. Well, I will over analyze one small incident, then I will assume everyone hates me. Then the next day, I will over analyze another incident, and assume everyone loves me. Also, I hate myself. I think I’m a huge asshole. Well, that’s it I guess. Can anyone tell me their experience will the eye burning thing. I’ve looked at myself in the mirror when it’s happened before and my eyes didn’t look bloated like they do when I cry. Idk what the fuck it is. I seriously hate crying. Unless it’s over a death or something tragic and ya just gotta release, crying IS weakness.",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 elkk3p,Craving drugs,1a,help-seeking,1,"Sometimes I search my floor for anything when I have no money, just crumbs of weed and sometimes I smoke what could be weed and just ends up being fucking dirt and shit. I look for tabs of LSD on the floor and often cravings for stimulants come back. What can I do",jesuschrist20,1,0,2,2020-01-08 00:25:44,addiction,"Sometimes I search my floor for anything when I have no money, just crumbs of weed and sometimes I smoke what could be weed and just ends up being fucking dirt and shit. I look for tabs of LSD on the floor and often cravings for stimulants come back. What can I do",1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what made you addicted to weed,How did X make you feel?,consuming weed,What do you need help with now that X?,you are unable to control your drug cravings,,True,100 eivt81,Does anyone else feel like a hurricane?,1a,survey,1,"Does anyone else feel like a hurricane ripping through other people’s lives? Like you’ve just left a path of destruction in your wake? I recently dated a friend of mine for a week and our relationship, like all of mine, was very intense and got sexual very quickly, I suddenly ended things because I realized that I didn’t feel a connection with him. He was hurt and confused and I can’t stop thinking of myself as a hurricane lol. I’ve just spun him around and left suddenly.",purethrowawayaway,1,0,1,2020-01-02 08:48:55,BPD,"Does anyone else feel like a hurricane ripping through other people’s lives? Like you’ve just left a path of destruction in your wake? I recently dated a friend of mine for a week and our relationship, like all of mine, was very intense and got sexual very quickly, I suddenly ended things because I realized that I didn’t feel a connection with him. He was hurt and confused and I can’t stop thinking of myself as a hurricane lol. I’ve just spun him around and left suddenly.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel like a hurricane ripping through other people's lives,,True,220 ei88xu,I’m just ready to end it,1a,help-seeking,1,I want to order some sodium nitrite and find some place in the woods to lay down and have my final sleep. I’m tired of trudging through life. I feel like I have done everything there is to do in life and I no longer want to keep going on. Life is monotonous. Eventually we run out of things to experience. Life is such and effort. You waste a way a work and then have to force yourself to be social and do “fun” things. I want out. I don’t want to keep going and do this thing called life. How do I combat this feeling/thought? It locks me down for hours everyday and I can’t shake it. What’s the point of everything?,napaknows,1,0,6,2019-12-31 20:19:57,depression,I want to order some sodium nitrite and find some place in the woods to lay down and have my final sleep. I’m tired of trudging through life. I feel like I have done everything there is to do in life and I no longer want to keep going on. Life is monotonous. Eventually we run out of things to experience. Life is such and effort. You waste a way a work and then have to force yourself to be social and do “fun” things. I want out. I don’t want to keep going and do this thing called life. How do I combat this feeling/thought? It locks me down for hours everyday and I can’t shake it. What’s the point of everything?,0,2,1,What made you feel X ?,that life is such a effort,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how want things to be different,,True,021 elpscj,"On the road to recovery from SA and dealing with OCD, any self-help books you can recommend to me?",0,help-seeking,1,"Hi everyone! I'm on the road to recovery from a sex(ting)/porn addiction (that I've been dealing with for 2-4 years) and undiagnosed OCD. My themes are being a bad person/becoming a bad person, being oblivious to harming others, and someone collecting my information online/doxxing me. I consider my intrusive thoughts/OCD to be a thorn in my side alongside my SA as well. Some self-help book recommendations are highly appreciated!",throwaway1207201,1,0,0,2020-01-08 07:59:03,selfhelp,"Hi everyone! I'm on the road to recovery from a sex(ting)/porn addiction (that I've been dealing with for 2-4 years) and undiagnosed OCD. My themes are being a bad person/becoming a bad person, being oblivious to harming others, and someone collecting my information online/doxxing me. I consider my intrusive thoughts/OCD to be a thorn in my side alongside my SA as well. Some self-help book recommendations are highly appreciated!",2,0,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,your OCD,,,,True,202 ekr1ce,Feelings,1b,rant,1,"Ever after my first relationship it was 8 months by the way not too long ago too. she ended it because i was asking abt a guy she was getting really close with and she would sometimes leave me for him to go hangout with him, anyways i talked to her about it she got mad left me and then said that she would get back with me soon, i was hopeful that she would and she never did next thing you know she’s with her “bestfriend” and after her i got into another relationship too quick, let’s call her G, G liked me a lot and i got with her a week after my relationship because i didn’t know what to do, being the dumb teen i was i broke her heart i just left her because i didn’t want her to leave me like my first Girlfriend did and i didn’t wanna experience that pain anymore, somehow i can’t catch feelings anymore i’m just idk i can’t catch deep feelings for anyone. but i don’t feel for my first ex or my second and i don’t know what it is.",weeb0w0,1,0,1,2020-01-06 08:05:43,sad,"Ever after my first relationship it was 8 months by the way not too long ago too. she ended it because i was asking abt a guy she was getting really close with and she would sometimes leave me for him to go hangout with him.anyways i talked to her about it she got mad left me and then said that she would get back with me soon. i was hopeful that she would and she never did next thing you know she’s with her “bestfriend” and after her i got into another relationship too quick, let’s call her G. G liked me a lot and i got with her a week after my relationship because i didn’t know what to do, being the dumb teen i was i broke her heart i just left her because i didn’t want her to leave me like my first Girlfriend did and i didn’t wanna experience that pain anymore. somehow i can’t catch feelings anymore i’m just idk i can’t catch deep feelings for anyone. but i don’t feel for my first ex or my second and i don’t know what it is.",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you have no feelings left for anyone,,True,220 er4s4p,Just need to rant.,1a,rant,2,"Not meaning to disrespect anyone, I’m just upset right now and probably not thinking logically but these are my thoughts towards myself and myself only. I’d never blame anyone else’s incident on them, I’d only ever blame myself. I just have nobody to rant to and probably sound incredibly stupid. I genuinely can’t explain how much I hate that part of me. The part they used and took away from me. It feels disgusting, I feel unclean and used and just wanna rip all the skin off from there. I want my body back but I can’t have it back, it hurts. The sad thing is it’s all my fault and I’m just playing the victim. I shouldn’t have slept around in the first house, what’d I expect? Expected everyone to be okay with what I want? If that’s what I expected I was a fool but I honestly don’t remember what I expected to come out of what I did. Also the fact I show femininity, The clothes I wear are tight, I wear make up, and I always have my hair curled and the first thing people probably think of when they look at me is “She’s a girl, she has a v*” which is probably why it’s happened so many times. Because I don’t hide my sex or my gender. I don’t wanna be a female, I know it happens to males, but maybe things would be different if I was a male. I feel like I shouldn’t show my gender or my body, I feel like that’s me asking for it. The way I see it in my head is since it’s obvious I’m female, people can tell what body parts I have just by looking at me so that’s me saying “Hey get in me I have the body you’re looking for.” I have this body, it’s my responsibility, yet I show myself. I’m ashamed to have been born this way. If I didn’t have a body none of this would’ve happened. They wouldn’t have had anything to get into. Why am I a human? I can’t change my identity when I want to and it’s scary because everything I got was as a girl and that hurts + my body got destroyed and used. If I didn’t have this body it would be different. Why was I born as this? Everything leads back to me. The body that I have, the way I present myself. If I didn’t act like a girl or boy maybe they wouldn’t have wanted me. I’m just a girl who’s a show off and shows I’m a female to help my confidence when I shouldn’t because it means everyone’s just gonna take over me. It’s so embarrassing because I don’t want people to think of my body when they see me. That’s so embarrassing and awkward because of what’s been done to me like I don’t want that there, I don’t wanna admit I have that or have anyone see it because it should be mine and whoever I decide to share that to it’s on my fucking body. But nobody should’ve stolen that away from me even though it’s my fault for making it obvious I’m a stupid fucking female and have a vagina in the first place. I want me back but I shouldn’t because I gave me to them. I’m used, I’m dirty, I’m unclean, I’m disgusting, I’m nothing but a slut who deserves this. Admitting all of this is so embarrassing because I feel like I’m the only one out there like this. I don’t know if I deserve this guilt, I don’t know what’s right anymore. All of this yet here I am in pain that won’t stop, playing the victim. Deep down I know I’m not the victim, I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t want it. I didn’t say “yes”. Nobody’s sex gives anyone a reason to hurt people no matter how they present themselves. Everyone has a body, everyone has a gender/sex, but I still feel like this. I’m sorry for complaining, I just needed to get this out.",katjade14,1,0,2,2020-01-20 00:05:50,rapecounseling,"Not meaning to disrespect anyone, I’m just upset right now and probably not thinking logically but these are my thoughts towards myself and myself only. I’d never blame anyone else’s incident on them, I’d only ever blame myself. I just have nobody to rant to and probably sound incredibly stupid. I genuinely can’t explain how much I hate that part of me. The part they used and took away from me. It feels disgusting, I feel unclean and used and just wanna rip all the skin off from there. I want my body back but I can’t have it back, it hurts. The sad thing is it’s all my fault and I’m just playing the victim. I shouldn’t have slept around in the first house, what’d I expect? Expected everyone to be okay with what I want? If that’s what I expected I was a fool but I honestly don’t remember what I expected to come out of what I did. Also the fact I show femininity, The clothes I wear are tight, I wear make up, and I always have my hair curled and the first thing people probably think of when they look at me is “She’s a girl, she has a v*” which is probably why it’s happened so many times. Because I don’t hide my sex or my gender. I don’t wanna be a female, I know it happens to males, but maybe things would be different if I was a male. I feel like I shouldn’t show my gender or my body, I feel like that’s me asking for it. The way I see it in my head is since it’s obvious I’m female, people can tell what body parts I have just by looking at me so that’s me saying “Hey get in me I have the body you’re looking for.” I have this body, it’s my responsibility, yet I show myself. I’m ashamed to have been born this way. If I didn’t have a body none of this would’ve happened. They wouldn’t have had anything to get into. Why am I a human? I can’t change my identity when I want to and it’s scary because everything I got was as a girl and that hurts + my body got destroyed and used. If I didn’t have this body it would be different. Why was I born as this? Everything leads back to me. The body that I have, the way I present myself. If I didn’t act like a girl or boy maybe they wouldn’t have wanted me. I’m just a girl who’s a show off and shows I’m a female to help my confidence when I shouldn’t because it means everyone’s just gonna take over me. It’s so embarrassing because I don’t want people to think of my body when they see me. That’s so embarrassing and awkward because of what’s been done to me like I don’t want that there, I don’t wanna admit I have that or have anyone see it because it should be mine and whoever I decide to share that to it’s on my fucking body. But nobody should’ve stolen that away from me even though it’s my fault for making it obvious I’m a stupid fucking female and have a vagina in the first place. I want me back but I shouldn’t because I gave me to them. I’m used, I’m dirty, I’m unclean, I’m disgusting, I’m nothing but a slut who deserves this. Admitting all of this is so embarrassing because I feel like I’m the only one out there like this. I don’t know if I deserve this guilt, I don’t know what’s right anymore. All of this yet here I am in pain that won’t stop, playing the victim. Deep down I know I’m not the victim, I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t want it. I didn’t say “yes”. Nobody’s sex gives anyone a reason to hurt people no matter how they present themselves. Everyone has a body, everyone has a gender/sex, but I still feel like this. I’m sorry for complaining, I just needed to get this out.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are feeling confused after the incident,,True,220 emwc4x,Extremely anxious & nervous to go back to therapy after almost 2 years. Advice/Discussion? (Sort of Long but I really need to talk about this!)(Maybe a trigger warning.),1a,help-seeking,2,"Hi Everyone. I’m going to try and make this as short as possible. I really hope you stay and read. There is a lot I’m going to leave out so this may seem all over the place but, I need to provide you all with some context. I don’t want to bore you with my life story but like I said, I need to give context in order to properly explain my situation. Btw, I’m new to this sub so let me know if anything goes against the rules and I will edit it out or change the wording. I originally posted this is r/anxiety last night but I think because of the length, no one read it? Idk I’m not sure but I’m going back to therapy in 4 days and need advice. I don’t remember living life without anxiety. Growing up I was that kid who no one really bothered to talk to in school. I had friends here and there but they were never premanent. (I was on and off cyber school and got bullied by some kids here and there but eventually it was certain teachers that I grew less and less patients with. I’m currently back on cyber and doing good. For some reason I felt as though I needed to clear that up.) I never felt like I truly connected with anyone. I felt very misunderstood and still do. I’m waiting and praying for someone who will, to walk into my life. Although all of the bs I went through, I’ve always had a pretty good outlook on life. I’m a very emotional & sensitive person but things got worse and worse mentally as time went on... I grew up in a house of five. Mom, Dad, Older sister, Middle sister and then me, the youngest. My oldest sister was always closest to my mom, while my middle sister was always closest to my dad and I was always the one feeling left in the dark. I knew my parents loved us with everything they had but they had the weirdest way of showing it. We didn’t really have a lot of structure in our household. It was dysfunction, sudden outbursts and arguments, CHAOS. I felt pushed aside, lonely, depressed especially since I didn’t really have anyone to confide in. My parents never got along, there was always constant fighting and sudden outbursts. My dad grew up with an extremely abusive mother who we’re not even allowed to associate with. Which caused my dad to grow up with some mental health issues too, although he never talked about it. It was clear, as actions speak louder than words. He had some anger issues, he had OCD (which I believe he did actually bring up to one of my sisters at one point or another), he was always very strict and didn’t put up with any type of disrespect coming from his daughters or anyone for that matter. It all had good intentions, which my sisters and I always understood but I cant deny that I was scared of him at times. It was kind of like living with a ticking time bomb, you never knew when he was going to explode. It wasn’t physical abuse. He has smacked us in the a** at times but, usually it was because we were disrespectful or did/said something we weren’t supposed to. He “disciplined” us the old fashioned way. He didn’t believe in time outs, because they usually never worked. My mom would even back hand us in the mouth if we did/said something we weren’t supposed too. My parents never hit us if we didn’t do anything wrong (because like wtf) usually after one hit, we knew to not do it again and watch our mouths. Me being much older now, looking back.. I’m not upset at this. My sisters and I have grown up to know what’s wrong and what’s not. Deep down, I’m pretty proud of who I’ve become as a human being. I know what’s acceptable, I know morals, I know what lines I shouldn’t cross, etc. (Although, when I have kids Idk If this is the way I would handle these things because there’s so many different ways to do so.) Despite all of this, they were/are good parents. They always stuck up for us when we were bullied or wronged in school or anywhere else, but at the same time we were raised to own up to our wrong doings and always do the right thing. They love us and we know that and they were always there to protect us, put food on the table, keep a roof over our heads, and make sure we were greatful, etc. The way we lived on though was still... rough. My sisters and I always heard constant fights between them. My mom wouldn’t do much around the house and my dad was always frustrated because he worked long, long shifts and when he came home he had nothing to look forward to. He knew the house wasn’t going to be tidy, and he couldn’t even sit down and relax after a long shift. My mom would cook dinner and take care of my sister and I (my other sister was always working or doing other stuff, I’m leaving out a lot so I can get to the point here.) My middle sister has Crohn’s disease (It was really bad when she was younger, she now takes proper medication and is doing great now.) and was always sick from school so she would do home bound (where the teacher would come to the house and tutor for a while.) she also went on and off cyber as well. My mom was a stay at home mom for a while for my sister as we also had to drive her to Pittsburgh a lot, for her doctors appointments. (I’m from PA, growing up we were always in and out of hospitals for her.) My sisters and I weren’t close when we were younger. We fought like normal siblings but we weren’t close. When my dad had hernia surgery he wasn’t allowed to lift anything but my mom wouldn’t help with anything which made him lift large baskets of laundry up the steps otherwise things wouldn’t get done. Like I said, my parents fought a lot. As wrong as it is, my dad threatened to leave a lot. My sisters and I saw it coming but I was the first person to know that it was actually happening. They didn’t have the best marriage. They didn’t communicate, They had very different life goals, They had very different outlooks on life, etc. My dad was done. My mom loved him. My dad was just unhappy and couldn’t deal with the lifestyle anymore. He wanted to stay together for the sake of us but he couldn’t. (and honestly, I’m glad they didn’t. Ill get to that though.) My dad respects her for giving him the best gift he could receive which is his children but, he was stuck and couldn’t continue to live life the way he was. Me being a little sh**, I was eavesdropping through my parents bedroom door and heard my mom crying and my dad telling her that he wasn’t happy and didn’t want to be married anymore and that he was sorry. About a year prior I had a friend (which didn’t last, ended that year.) I didn’t have a phone because my parents were strict and we weren’t allowed phones until we were much older, I had to use my moms phone to text my friend and I saw that my moms text messages to my aunt were still up. She was telling my aunt that they were divorcing. I called my sister balling and she said they’re not divorcing. She said that because we were so used to the threats of them divorcing that she didn’t believe it but deep down we knew it was about time. When I turned 13, I noticed the atmosphere in the house was different. My parents weren’t speaking and my dad eventually moved to sleeping on the couch. My mom had enough of my dad sleeping on the couch and found a place, packed up and we moved. They ended up separating, then finalizing it. Man, was it hard. (Some things I left out are going in this next paragraph that I feel I should mention.) Before the divorce, I went to multiple different therapists and still felt like it didn’t do much. I struggle with body image issues that affect my anxiety immensely. I left out a lot of background information including other family members, so if you have questions, I will answer. My sisters and I are extremely close now because of the divorce. ^My mom and I had huge fights and outbursts. She still carried her old habits over. She didn’t clean a lot and I wasn’t happy living with so many obstacles. My mom still has a problem with owning up to her actions. She always thinks she’s right even when she very clearly isn’t. She acts as if she does everything and that we do nothing. She tends to victimize herself a lot. I love her to death but it gets exhausting trying to get through to her. We bumped heads. It isn’t until now that we know what p****s each other off and try hard not cross each other’s lines. My dad and my mom sometimes do not listen what so ever. They can be hard to speak to. Editing: I’m glad my parents divorced tbh. They both brought out the worst in each other. I love them both but some relationships just don’t work out and I know that now. After the divorce, my dad changed. He wasn’t as aggressive, he didn’t have outbursts, he was calm, relaxed, happy. He is the best version of himself. That’s not to say he isn’t still impatient but he is a lot better. My dad and I are close now. He apologized for all of his wrong doings as a father back then and knows now that a lot of the things he has done/said was hurtful. He’s learned from it. My mother took it hard but as years went on I think she’s doing better. I put her through he** but I know that she forgives me because my mom cannot sleep at night knowing her kids carry guilt/are mad at her. She carries her heart on her sleeve. My middle sister, like I said was close with my dad before everything but afterwards she started to drown herself in work. She’s happier now but she’s still healing after 4 years. My oldest sister forgives them both, she talked to them both and she’s very blunt so she told them both how she felt and needed open wounds. (My oldest sister isn’t my dads biological daughter so she had a lot more to mend with him. It’s a lot to get into and this is already booty crack long.) my sisters and I agree that life is better this way. We’re not upset about them divorcing.. we’re upset about the way they acted afterwards and before. No one destroyed our family because as sad as it is.. could we really call it a family? My sisters and I also really want my mom to date lmao. She deserves someone who can actually make her happy. When she’s ready, I hope she remarries and is the happiest she could ever be. My parents agreed in court that we could see whoever we wanted whenever we wanted because we were old enough to know. I blamed my mom. idk why. I was upset and angry at both of them but I made my mom feel like garbage for a good year and a half. I was cold. I wasn’t even close with my dad before the divorce, yet I took his side. November 2017. I tried cutting. I felt like killing myself even though I didn’t want to. I just wanted to stop feeling like a burden. I didn’t want to keep making the people I loved feel like sh**. I felt extremely guilty for the way I treated her. I knew it wasn’t her fault. It takes two people to form a relationship and it take two people to end it. I spent about a week and a half in a mental hospital. After that I went to ongoing therapy. I said sorry to her in the middle of a therapy check up and she forgave me but to this day, its still something that I struggle to forgive myself for. Mid 2018 -ish I stopped going. I stopped taking my medication. I disliked going to therapy. I felt like my parents were way to controlling over everything. I felt cornered. I wanted therapy to be more relaxing but it wasn’t, because they didn’t let me have a breath of fresh air. I felt more like I had to go rather than “hey this is my outlet, its good for you, I want to go.” I also just wanted to leave everything in the past. I also never found a therapist that I genuinely connected with. My parents didn’t understand so I gave up on it. In the new neighborhood I moved to, I had some friendships but I was way to anxious to go out all of the time. I’m introverted, yet I strive and strongly desire true friendships, strong bonds and relationships but I feel like no one understands me or is patient enough to even give a chance to understand. I was about 12 or 13 when I discovered I was Bi. I was around 14 when I started to have my first real boyfriend but he was extroverted and didn’t understand anxiety so I felt way too overwhelmed. (it sounds really dumb being as I was 14 but we had an on and off thing for a year and a half and I really liked him. I even went out of my comfort zone just to try and make it work.) I experienced my first real heartbreak when I was 15. Then everyone moved away from that neighborhood and even all of the people who still live around my neighborhood literally left me in the dust. I don’t really want to hang out with them anyways because all they do is smoke, drink and get in trouble with the cops which is literally a black hole for people with anxiety so no thank you. Then 2019 came and the entire year, I stayed in my room. I wanted to better myself. I wanted to get through school, pursue goals but the entire year I was extremely depressed. My family didn’t seem to see through my facade. Part of me didn’t want them too because the thought of going back to therapy made me extremely anxious. I stayed in bed most of the day and in the beginning of the year I stayed up all night and slept all day. I even fell behind in school. Then I changed that habit and I enjoyed having the house to myself during the day because I felt like nothing could ruin my mood. but during 2018 and early 2019, my moms energy was negative and I went right back to isolation in my room when she got home from work because I felt disheartened when she came home. Then as some time went on, I looked forward to when she came home because since I didn’t have any friends to talk to or hangout with, I looked forward to going to the store and going to eat because I had human interaction even though it caused me anxiety. I was raised catholic and it wasn’t until mid 2019 when I turned to god because I had no one else. I told my sister how depressed I was and she was easy to talk to since we got closer as we got older. My depression was so bad. Sitting in a room full of people yet still feeling like I was the only one there. Family events felt like watching all of my family be so happy and I was sitting there thinking about how when I get home its right back to isolation and bed rest. I was mentally and emotionally exhausted. My outlook on life was still good though, I knew it was going to get better and I wanted it to but I was so drained that I kept procrastinating and pushed things off. I looked forward to starting my life. I know what I want to do and what to be but I just needed a push. It’s 2020 now. I went into the year motivated, encouraged. I’m about to be 17 this year. I feel like my entire life was wasted away. I don’t want my life to be backed up anymore. I felt like I wasn’t actually living, I was just here. I want to actually live my life. Okay so I know this post was all over the place. I wanted to give context but I feel like I actually ended up giving half of my life story. Basically, I’m going back to therapy on the 14th. My mom and I had our first argument of 2020 a few days ago and I told her how depressed and everything I’ve been. I care a lot about what/how people think of me, especially my family. I care a lot about how I make others feel. I just care a lot. I don’t want my family thinking I’m a “problem child” which they don’t. I know that now, Ive spoken to my oldest sister for an hour after my mom and I had our argument (she’s usually the one who mends things. She always gives the best advice and because of the way we were raised her and my brother in law want to make sure all of us communicate properly and they’re kind of hard on us because they don’t want us to fail.) She and I talked for a little over an hour and I understand more and just want to get better and move on in life. I think this may be more than depression or something else. One time my middle sister and I were in the car with my mom and my mom is also kind of a ticking time bomb. She was getting angry and I started shaking and I honestly started getting scared. I knew that she was going to explode. I stayed as quiet as I could, started crying and I went through an anxiety attack in the back seat. Sometimes I feel like I walk on egg shells when it comes to certain circumstances. I have trouble maintaining friendships and I have issues with cleanliness like my dad does. Idk if any of this has anything to do with childhood trauma but It definitely has been an issue. I want friendships and bonds but I struggle. I struggle speaking to strangers entirely due to anxiety. I also sometimes have horrible nightmares of everyone in my family turning against me. I woke up balling my eyes out a few times afterwards. Really really loud noises scare me and give me anxiety. I think its because of the outbursts. If I don’t expect them, my heart starts pounding and I need to take a second to catch a breathe. A lot of the time when I get upset it takes me a long time to calm down. I think about the thing over and over again and cant help it, I just get extremely upset. It takes a while to get me out of that mindset. I hope that makes any sense at all. I’m going back to therapy on the 14th and I’m nervous. I don’t want my mom to be in the room with me. She has a tendency of getting too involved. I don’t want to feel too overwhelmed like I did last time. I want to heal and work on my mental health at my own pace. If I feel too pushed or too overwhelmed, I’m scared that I’m going to fall right back down the rabbit whole. I wanted to wait until I got my license and got a car to take care of this myself but I need to get myself together. I’m sorry this was so long. I really have a hard time explaining things without full detail. If you did read to the end, Thank you. Is this something we can discuss? Can anyone else relate to this? I’m nervous to go back to therapy. I don’t want to regret it. If I forgot anything, I’ll edit it in.",Hjkinnan,1,0,0,2020-01-10 20:04:21,mentalillness,"Hi Everyone. I’m going to try and make this as short as possible. I really hope you stay and read. There is a lot I’m going to leave out so this may seem all over the place but, I need to provide you all with some context. I don’t want to bore you with my life story but like I said, I need to give context in order to properly explain my situation. Btw, I’m new to this sub so let me know if anything goes against the rules and I will edit it out or change the wording. I originally posted this is r/anxiety last night but I think because of the length, no one read it? Idk I’m not sure but I’m going back to therapy in 4 days and need advice. I don’t remember living life without anxiety. Growing up I was that kid who no one really bothered to talk to in school. I had friends here and there but they were never premanent. (I was on and off cyber school and got bullied by some kids here and there but eventually it was certain teachers that I grew less and less patients with. I’m currently back on cyber and doing good. For some reason I felt as though I needed to clear that up.) I never felt like I truly connected with anyone. I felt very misunderstood and still do. I’m waiting and praying for someone who will, to walk into my life. Although all of the bs I went through, I’ve always had a pretty good outlook on life. I’m a very emotional & sensitive person but things got worse and worse mentally as time went on... I grew up in a house of five. Mom, Dad, Older sister, Middle sister and then me, the youngest. My oldest sister was always closest to my mom, while my middle sister was always closest to my dad and I was always the one feeling left in the dark. I knew my parents loved us with everything they had but they had the weirdest way of showing it. We didn’t really have a lot of structure in our household. It was dysfunction, sudden outbursts and arguments, CHAOS. I felt pushed aside, lonely, depressed especially since I didn’t really have anyone to confide in. My parents never got along, there was always constant fighting and sudden outbursts. My dad grew up with an extremely abusive mother who we’re not even allowed to associate with. Which caused my dad to grow up with some mental health issues too, although he never talked about it. It was clear, as actions speak louder than words. He had some anger issues, he had OCD (which I believe he did actually bring up to one of my sisters at one point or another), he was always very strict and didn’t put up with any type of disrespect coming from his daughters or anyone for that matter. It all had good intentions, which my sisters and I always understood but I cant deny that I was scared of him at times. It was kind of like living with a ticking time bomb, you never knew when he was going to explode. It wasn’t physical abuse. He has smacked us in the a** at times but, usually it was because we were disrespectful or did/said something we weren’t supposed to. He “disciplined” us the old fashioned way. He didn’t believe in time outs, because they usually never worked. My mom would even back hand us in the mouth if we did/said something we weren’t supposed too. My parents never hit us if we didn’t do anything wrong (because like wtf) usually after one hit, we knew to not do it again and watch our mouths. Me being much older now, looking back.. I’m not upset at this. My sisters and I have grown up to know what’s wrong and what’s not. Deep down, I’m pretty proud of who I’ve become as a human being. I know what’s acceptable, I know morals, I know what lines I shouldn’t cross, etc. (Although, when I have kids Idk If this is the way I would handle these things because there’s so many different ways to do so.) Despite all of this, they were/are good parents. They always stuck up for us when we were bullied or wronged in school or anywhere else, but at the same time we were raised to own up to our wrong doings and always do the right thing. They love us and we know that and they were always there to protect us, put food on the table, keep a roof over our heads, and make sure we were greatful, etc. The way we lived on though was still... rough. My sisters and I always heard constant fights between them. My mom wouldn’t do much around the house and my dad was always frustrated because he worked long, long shifts and when he came home he had nothing to look forward to. He knew the house wasn’t going to be tidy, and he couldn’t even sit down and relax after a long shift. My mom would cook dinner and take care of my sister and I (my other sister was always working or doing other stuff, I’m leaving out a lot so I can get to the point here.) My middle sister has Crohn’s disease (It was really bad when she was younger, she now takes proper medication and is doing great now.) and was always sick from school so she would do home bound (where the teacher would come to the house and tutor for a while.) she also went on and off cyber as well. My mom was a stay at home mom for a while for my sister as we also had to drive her to Pittsburgh a lot, for her doctors appointments. (I’m from PA, growing up we were always in and out of hospitals for her.) My sisters and I weren’t close when we were younger. We fought like normal siblings but we weren’t close. When my dad had hernia surgery he wasn’t allowed to lift anything but my mom wouldn’t help with anything which made him lift large baskets of laundry up the steps otherwise things wouldn’t get done. As wrong as it is, my dad threatened to leave a lot. My sisters and I saw it coming but I was the first person to know that it was actually happening. They didn’t have the best marriage. They didn’t communicate, They had very different life goals, They had very different outlooks on life, etc. My dad was done. My mom loved him. My dad was just unhappy and couldn’t deal with the lifestyle anymore. He wanted to stay together for the sake of us but he couldn’t. (and honestly, I’m glad they didn’t. Ill get to that though.) My dad respects her for giving him the best gift he could receive which is his children but, he was stuck and couldn’t continue to live life the way he was. Me being a little sh**, I was eavesdropping through my parents bedroom door and heard my mom crying and my dad telling her that he wasn’t happy and didn’t want to be married anymore and that he was sorry. About a year prior I had a friend (which didn’t last, ended that year.) I didn’t have a phone because my parents were strict and we weren’t allowed phones until we were much older, I had to use my moms phone to text my friend and I saw that my moms text messages to my aunt were still up. She was telling my aunt that they were divorcing. I called my sister balling and she said they’re not divorcing. She said that because we were so used to the threats of them divorcing that she didn’t believe it but deep down we knew it was about time. When I turned 13, I noticed the atmosphere in the house was different. My parents weren’t speaking and my dad eventually moved to sleeping on the couch. My mom had enough of my dad sleeping on the couch and found a place, packed up and we moved. They ended up separating, then finalizing it. Man, was it hard. (Some things I left out are going in this next paragraph that I feel I should mention.) Before the divorce, I went to multiple different therapists and still felt like it didn’t do much. I struggle with body image issues that affect my anxiety immensely. I left out a lot of background information including other family members, so if you have questions, I will answer. My sisters and I are extremely close now because of the divorce. ^My mom and I had huge fights and outbursts. She still carried her old habits over. She didn’t clean a lot and I wasn’t happy living with so many obstacles. My mom still has a problem with owning up to her actions. She always thinks she’s right even when she very clearly isn’t. She acts as if she does everything and that we do nothing. She tends to victimize herself a lot. I love her to death but it gets exhausting trying to get through to her. We bumped heads. It isn’t until now that we know what p****s each other off and try hard not cross each other’s lines. My dad and my mom sometimes do not listen what so ever. They can be hard to speak to. Editing: I’m glad my parents divorced tbh. They both brought out the worst in each other. I love them both but some relationships just don’t work out and I know that now. After the divorce, my dad changed. He wasn’t as aggressive, he didn’t have outbursts, he was calm, relaxed, happy. He is the best version of himself. That’s not to say he isn’t still impatient but he is a lot better. My dad and I are close now. He apologized for all of his wrong doings as a father back then and knows now that a lot of the things he has done/said was hurtful. He’s learned from it. My mother took it hard but as years went on I think she’s doing better. I put her through he** but I know that she forgives me because my mom cannot sleep at night knowing her kids carry guilt/are mad at her. She carries her heart on her sleeve. My middle sister, like I said was close with my dad before everything but afterwards she started to drown herself in work. She’s happier now but she’s still healing after 4 years. My oldest sister forgives them both, she talked to them both and she’s very blunt so she told them both how she felt and needed open wounds. (My oldest sister isn’t my dads biological daughter so she had a lot more to mend with him. It’s a lot to get into and this is already booty crack long.) my sisters and I agree that life is better this way. We’re not upset about them divorcing.. we’re upset about the way they acted afterwards and before. No one destroyed our family because as sad as it is.. could we really call it a family? My sisters and I also really want my mom to date lmao. She deserves someone who can actually make her happy. When she’s ready, I hope she remarries and is the happiest she could ever be. My parents agreed in court that we could see whoever we wanted whenever we wanted because we were old enough to know. I blamed my mom. idk why. I was upset and angry at both of them but I made my mom feel like garbage for a good year and a half. I was cold. I wasn’t even close with my dad before the divorce, yet I took his side. November 2017. I tried cutting. I felt like killing myself even though I didn’t want to. I just wanted to stop feeling like a burden. I didn’t want to keep making the people I loved feel like sh**. I felt extremely guilty for the way I treated her. I knew it wasn’t her fault. It takes two people to form a relationship and it take two people to end it. I spent about a week and a half in a mental hospital. After that I went to ongoing therapy. I said sorry to her in the middle of a therapy check up and she forgave me but to this day, its still something that I struggle to forgive myself for. Mid 2018 -ish I stopped going. I stopped taking my medication. I disliked going to therapy. I felt like my parents were way to controlling over everything. I felt cornered. I wanted therapy to be more relaxing but it wasn’t, because they didn’t let me have a breath of fresh air. I felt more like I had to go rather than “hey this is my outlet, its good for you, I want to go.” I also just wanted to leave everything in the past. I also never found a therapist that I genuinely connected with. My parents didn’t understand so I gave up on it. In the new neighborhood I moved to, I had some friendships but I was way to anxious to go out all of the time. I’m introverted, yet I strive and strongly desire true friendships, strong bonds and relationships but I feel like no one understands me or is patient enough to even give a chance to understand. I was about 12 or 13 when I discovered I was Bi. I was around 14 when I started to have my first real boyfriend but he was extroverted and didn’t understand anxiety so I felt way too overwhelmed. (it sounds really dumb being as I was 14 but we had an on and off thing for a year and a half and I really liked him. I even went out of my comfort zone just to try and make it work.) I experienced my first real heartbreak when I was 15. Then everyone moved away from that neighborhood and even all of the people who still live around my neighborhood literally left me in the dust. I don’t really want to hang out with them anyways because all they do is smoke, drink and get in trouble with the cops which is literally a black hole for people with anxiety so no thank you. Then 2019 came and the entire year, I stayed in my room. I wanted to better myself. I wanted to get through school, pursue goals but the entire year I was extremely depressed. My family didn’t seem to see through my facade. Part of me didn’t want them too because the thought of going back to therapy made me extremely anxious. I stayed in bed most of the day and in the beginning of the year I stayed up all night and slept all day. I even fell behind in school. Then I changed that habit and I enjoyed having the house to myself during the day because I felt like nothing could ruin my mood. but during 2018 and early 2019, my moms energy was negative and I went right back to isolation in my room when she got home from work because I felt disheartened when she came home. Then as some time went on, I looked forward to when she came home because since I didn’t have any friends to talk to or hangout with, I looked forward to going to the store and going to eat because I had human interaction even though it caused me anxiety. I was raised catholic and it wasn’t until mid 2019 when I turned to god because I had no one else. I told my sister how depressed I was and she was easy to talk to since we got closer as we got older. My depression was so bad. Sitting in a room full of people yet still feeling like I was the only one there. Family events felt like watching all of my family be so happy and I was sitting there thinking about how when I get home its right back to isolation and bed rest. I was mentally and emotionally exhausted. My outlook on life was still good though, I knew it was going to get better and I wanted it to but I was so drained that I kept procrastinating and pushed things off. I looked forward to starting my life. I know what I want to do and what to be but I just needed a push. It’s 2020 now. I went into the year motivated, encouraged. I’m about to be 17 this year. I feel like my entire life was wasted away. I don’t want my life to be backed up anymore. I felt like I wasn’t actually living, I was just here. I want to actually live my life. Okay so I know this post was all over the place. I wanted to give context but I feel like I actually ended up giving half of my life story. Basically, I’m going back to therapy on the 14th. My mom and I had our first argument of 2020 a few days ago and I told her how depressed and everything I’ve been. I care a lot about what/how people think of me, especially my family. I care a lot about how I make others feel. I just care a lot. I don’t want my family thinking I’m a “problem child” which they don’t. I know that now, Ive spoken to my oldest sister for an hour after my mom and I had our argument (she’s usually the one who mends things. She always gives the best advice and because of the way we were raised her and my brother in law want to make sure all of us communicate properly and they’re kind of hard on us because they don’t want us to fail.) She and I talked for a little over an hour and I understand more and just want to get better and move on in life. I think this may be more than depression or something else. One time my middle sister and I were in the car with my mom and my mom is also kind of a ticking time bomb. She was getting angry and I started shaking and I honestly started getting scared. I knew that she was going to explode. I stayed as quiet as I could, started crying and I went through an anxiety attack in the back seat. Sometimes I feel like I walk on egg shells when it comes to certain circumstances. I have trouble maintaining friendships and I have issues with cleanliness like my dad does. Idk if any of this has anything to do with childhood trauma but It definitely has been an issue. I want friendships and bonds but I struggle. I struggle speaking to strangers entirely due to anxiety. I also sometimes have horrible nightmares of everyone in my family turning against me. I woke up balling my eyes out a few times afterwards. Really really loud noises scare me and give me anxiety. I think its because of the outbursts. If I don’t expect them, my heart starts pounding and I need to take a second to catch a breathe. A lot of the time when I get upset it takes me a long time to calm down. I think about the thing over and over again and cant help it, I just get extremely upset. It takes a while to get me out of that mindset. I hope that makes any sense at all. I’m going back to therapy on the 14th and I’m nervous. I don’t want my mom to be in the room with me. She has a tendency of getting too involved. I don’t want to feel too overwhelmed like I did last time. I want to heal and work on my mental health at my own pace. If I feel too pushed or too overwhelmed, I’m scared that I’m going to fall right back down the rabbit whole. I wanted to wait until I got my license and got a car to take care of this myself but I need to get myself together. I’m sorry this was so long. I really have a hard time explaining things without full detail. If you did read to the end, Thank you. Is this something we can discuss? Can anyone else relate to this? I’m nervous to go back to therapy. I don’t want to regret it. If I forgot anything, I’ll edit it in.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 enu7zi,Tryna stay sober,1a,help-seeking,1,"Been creepin on this sub. Been having a hard time keeping a consistent sober streak. Been able to get to one week but then I kill it. I tried to call about outpatient (my health insurance doesn’t cover inpatient before my 8k deductible which I can not afford) and they told me I have a 10% chance without inpatient. Feelin very helpless... I know I can do this but I don’t have the right resources. I been able to quit on my own before but I don’t know that I can this time. Any advice appreciated, I thank you for your time 🙌🏻",overanalyzings,1,0,14,2020-01-12 21:59:18,alcoholicsanonymous,"Been creepin on this sub. Been having a hard time keeping a consistent sober streak. Been able to get to one week but then I kill it. I tried to call about outpatient (my health insurance doesn’t cover inpatient before my 8k deductible which I can not afford) and they told me I have a 10% chance without inpatient. Feelin very helpless... I know I can do this but I don’t have the right resources. I been able to quit on my own before but I don’t know that I can this time. Any advice appreciated, I thank you for your time ",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 elfp4h,I'm kinda proud today,0,chitchat,1,"I'm proud of myself coz I learned something today, I learned how to pretend that I'm happy and cheerful when I'm texting even if I'm crying or things are falling apart. I don't have anyone to share my issues with so I prefer sharing here, and I don't wanna bother people with my dad and weird behavior coz I often have to talk to many people due to my work. So learning how to finally do it is kind of a big achievement for me.",adestrio,1,0,1,2020-01-07 18:44:19,sad,"I'm proud of myself coz I learned something today, I learned how to pretend that I'm happy and cheerful when I'm texting even if I'm crying or things are falling apart. I don't have anyone to share my issues with so I prefer sharing here, and I don't wanna bother people with my dad and weird behavior coz I often have to talk to many people due to my work. So learning how to finally do it is kind of a big achievement for me.",2,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,pretending to be happy,What do you need help with now that X?,things are falling apart,,True,200 eieg8a,It’s not the same,1b,rant,2,"(Posted from Mobile so please excuse any mistakes) So me being a service member, I’m not able to be around my family for holidays, perhaps only a few select friends (though I still love them). Last year before Christmas and before my New Years leave, my mother was hit by a car and hospitalized. I managed to make it home for emergency and my holiday leave, visiting my mother and father who stayed at the hospital for days, leaving only to shower and eat. Months later she was able to be released. I continued the year occasionally calling to talk to her and the rest of my family. Of course it makes me cry with joy to hear her speak, as seeing her at the state she was in was heart breaking. Well now that my younger sister has also joined the service and left home, I am stuck with thinking about how she must feel being at home. The accident caused brain damage, a portion of her skull was removed and she continues to have breathing issues to this day. She is no longer able to be a teacher, and my father continues to work. Being home, has become depressing, because she used to smile so brightly and basically be the peacemaker of all sides of the family. Now, she is physically and sometimes mentally unable to perform tasks she would normally do. I love her to death, but I cry to myself wishing she was back to how she was, and hope to the all seeing man in the sky, the bastard that did this got what he deserved.",The_Scarlett_King,1,0,0,2020-01-01 05:18:44,sad,"(Posted from Mobile so please excuse any mistakes) So me being a service member, I’m not able to be around my family for holidays, perhaps only a few select friends (though I still love them). Last year before Christmas and before my New Years leave, my mother was hit by a car and hospitalized. I managed to make it home for emergency and my holiday leave, visiting my mother and father who stayed at the hospital for days, leaving only to shower and eat. Months later she was able to be released. I continued the year occasionally calling to talk to her and the rest of my family. Of course it makes me cry with joy to hear her speak, as seeing her at the state she was in was heart breaking. Well now that my younger sister has also joined the service and left home, I am stuck with thinking about how she must feel being at home. The accident caused brain damage, a portion of her skull was removed and she continues to have breathing issues to this day. She is no longer able to be a teacher, and my father continues to work. Being home, has become depressing, because she used to smile so brightly and basically be the peacemaker of all sides of the family. Now, she is physically and sometimes mentally unable to perform tasks she would normally do. I love her to death, but I cry to myself wishing she was back to how she was, and hope to the all seeing man in the sky, the bastard that did this got what he deserved.",2,2,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you to liven the home again,,True,221 emtvrq,First heartbreak since abusive relationship,1a,rant,1,"As the title says I'm in the middle of my first heartbreak since my abusive relationship from a few years ago. I'm struggling a lot and just need to reach out for some support. I've made a lot of progress in therapy but this has set me back, at least temporarily, much more than expected.",AlpacaOnTheMoon,1,0,0,2020-01-10 17:08:58,ptsd," First heartbreak since abusive relationship As the title says I'm in the middle of my first heartbreak since my abusive relationship from a few years ago. I'm struggling a lot and just need to reach out for some support. I've made a lot of progress in therapy but this has set me back, at least temporarily, much more than expected.",2,0,1,,,How did X make you feel?,how did the breakup,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you deal with the heartbreak,,True,201 ej8c7u,Struggling,1a,help-seeking,2,"Hey guys, I’m a newly admitted alcoholic. Within the last year or so. 28/F. Good job, great partner. Several pets. Brother in law in rehab for coke/adderal. I’m struggling to get help. I’m drunk 7/7 days, black out drunk 5/7 days. On a good week, black out drunk 2/7 days. Struggling to stay off it. I keep telling myself that I’m strong enough to not need help. Was addicted to drugs years ago (adds and weed- pretty mild). Grandpa was an alcoholic. I know I can do this without formal help, but I’m doubting my mental state. I know this is not okay. I know I’m wrong in what I’m doing, but I know I can do it alone. I’m just starting to doubt that. My partner is supportive but she also knows that I have a disease. I’m not sure what to do. Has anyone here ever gotten thru this by themselves? Or am I wrong in my posting here? Just looking for some advice. Never thought my life would get here. I knew this would be a problem, just didn’t think I’d let it happen. Thanks, everyone. And praise you all of you, you are incredible and inspiring.",cheer1ka,4,0,42,2020-01-03 02:00:49,alcoholicsanonymous,"Hey guys, I’m a newly admitted alcoholic. Within the last year or so. 28/F. Good job, great partner. Several pets. Brother in law in rehab for coke/adderal. I’m struggling to get help. I’m drunk 7/7 days, black out drunk 5/7 days. On a good week, black out drunk 2/7 days. Struggling to stay off it. I keep telling myself that I’m strong enough to not need help. Was addicted to drugs years ago (adds and weed- pretty mild). Grandpa was an alcoholic. I know I can do this without formal help, but I’m doubting my mental state. I know this is not okay. I know I’m wrong in what I’m doing, but I know I can do it alone. I’m just starting to doubt that. My partner is supportive but she also knows that I have a disease. I’m not sure what to do. Has anyone here ever gotten thru this by themselves? Or am I wrong in my posting here? Just looking for some advice. Never thought my life would get here. I knew this would be a problem, just didn’t think I’d let it happen. Thanks, everyone. And praise you all of you, you are incredible and inspiring.",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,being sober,,,,True,202 er4g31,I have anger issues and it's taking a toll on my life. How do I fix this?,1a,help-seeking,2,"So this just so happens to be a very negative and sad time in my life but I wont be getting to much into that, however I can tell you about how my current situation is making old anger issues come up and have me embarrass myself and others due to it. It all started out this morning when last night I got back from my first full day at a new job I LOVE. The staff are polite, my boss wants to keep me hired, all is good...up until the moment I tried to drive off for work. What I didnt mention is that before this new job I have been having car issues for what seems like years but really has been about 6 months worth of car troubles so I was already not wanting to deal with more car troubles especially since I just moved into my mother's place. Fast forward to day, power steering belt is loose and I have no car again. I'm putting it lightly whenever i say i got mad, i got infuriated, enraged for that matter. I get back home from work via my mother and when she's gone from the house I go outside and come back the front door which has also been having issues and once it finally opened I put a half dollar sized hole into the old door that had needed to be replaced for ever. So I feel like shit, I have a broke down car again, and now I broke the door. My life just doesnt seem to be getting any better and I cant focus properly on the good stuff in my life. Hopefully someone sees this and understands, till then I just dont know how to handle myself anymore",Spicedsailor2448,1,0,1,2020-01-19 23:39:47,selfhelp,"I have anger issues and it's taking a toll on my life. How do I fix this? So this just so happens to be a very negative and sad time in my life but I wont be getting to much into that, however I can tell you about how my current situation is making old anger issues come up and have me embarrass myself and others due to it. It all started out this morning when last night I got back from my first full day at a new job I LOVE. The staff are polite, my boss wants to keep me hired, all is good...up until the moment I tried to drive off for work. What I didnt mention is that before this new job I have been having car issues for what seems like years but really has been about 6 months worth of car troubles so I was already not wanting to deal with more car troubles especially since I just moved into my mother's place. Fast forward to day, power steering belt is loose and I have no car again. I'm putting it lightly whenever i say i got mad, i got infuriated, enraged for that matter. I get back home from work via my mother and when she's gone from the house I go outside and come back the front door which has also been having issues and once it finally opened I put a half dollar sized hole into the old door that had needed to be replaced for ever. So I feel like shit. I have a broke down car again, and now I broke the door. My life just doesnt seem to be getting any better and I cant focus properly on the good stuff in my life. Hopefully someone sees this and understands, till then I just dont know how to handle myself anymore",2,1,2,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how your anger issues make you feel,,,,True,212 eide0d,what’s the extent of your jealousy?,1a,help-seeking,1,"my fp is really good at spending time with me, and updating me on when he’ll be home from work, etc. lately, i noticed he’s been finding time for all the coworkers he’s befriended. and it makes me upset that he doesn’t keep me updated on his plans/who he’s with. if anything, it’ll be very last minute, and he doesn’t bother extending an invite (something he also used to be very good at). so there’s all this resent building up, but i know i can’t get mad at him for having a social life. but part of me thinks it is warranted bc he doesn’t really take me out bc of his work schedule; we just hang out at home (watch movies, watch him play video games), which is nice, but i am starting to think it’s not sustainable for me. am i jealous of all these people he’s been hanging out with? am i jealous of him for being normal and likeable enough to make friends so quickly? i am consumed with jealousy lately. i feel like the most boring and the most bored person in the whole wide world.",thekoipondepisode,1,0,0,2020-01-01 03:33:53,BPD,"my fp is really good at spending time with me, and updating me on when he’ll be home from work, etc. lately, i noticed he’s been finding time for all the coworkers he’s befriended. and it makes me upset that he doesn’t keep me updated on his plans/who he’s with. if anything, it’ll be very last minute, and he doesn’t bother extending an invite (something he also used to be very good at). so there’s all this resent building up, but i know i can’t get mad at him for having a social life. but part of me thinks it is warranted bc he doesn’t really take me out bc of his work schedule; we just hang out at home (watch movies, watch him play video games), which is nice, but i am starting to think it’s not sustainable for me. am i jealous of all these people he’s been hanging out with? am i jealous of him for being normal and likeable enough to make friends so quickly? i am consumed with jealousy lately. i feel like the most boring and the most bored person in the whole wide world.",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help not feel jealous and insecure,,True,221 elod0r,Looking for self help books you wish you read earlier in life or you were glad you read at the time you did,0,chitchat,2,"I just turned 30 and have started setting the goal of reading one beneficial book per month. I have read: unf*ck yourself, subtle art of not giving a f*ck, lifechanging magic of tidying up, 5 love languages, man’s search for meaning, we should all be feminists, the Tao of Pooh I am currently reading: passionate marriage and feeling good I am looking for books that you either read at a point in your life and said to yourself, “I am glad I am reading this now, I really needed to hear this,” or books you read later in life and thought “if only I’d learned that sooner! The subject matter does not make a difference to me, I am looking to better all aspects of life. And it doesn’t just have to be for someone in their 30s, I would like this to be an open discussion for all :)",internetpackrat,1,0,17,2020-01-08 05:31:03,selfhelp,"I just turned 30 and have started setting the goal of reading one beneficial book per month. I have read: unf*ck yourself, subtle art of not giving a f*ck, lifechanging magic of tidying up, 5 love languages, man’s search for meaning, we should all be feminists, the Tao of Pooh I am currently reading: passionate marriage and feeling good I am looking for books that you either read at a point in your life and said to yourself, “I am glad I am reading this now, I really needed to hear this,” or books you read later in life and thought “if only I’d learned that sooner! The subject matter does not make a difference to me, I am looking to better all aspects of life. And it doesn’t just have to be for someone in their 30s, I would like this to be an open discussion for all :)",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 eor403,"My brother walks around the house and makes random, negative comments towards me.",1b,help-seeking,1,"I’ll be eating a frozen dinner: * Oh is that all you eat? I’ll be listening to music: * Oh you’re not being social. Blah blah etc. How can I get him to drink a nice cup of shut the fuck up? We’re both adults and he’s getting annoying fast.",WindowsKidd,1,0,12,2020-01-14 20:40:38,getting_over_it,"My brother walks around the house and makes random, negative comments towards me. I’ll be eating a frozen dinner: * Oh is that all you eat? I’ll be listening to music: * Oh you’re not being social. Blah blah etc. How can I get him to drink a nice cup of shut the fuck up? We’re both adults and he’s getting annoying fast.",2,1,2,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel about your brother's comments,,,title,True,212 feciuh,I'm a mess right now,1a,rant,3,"I have no one to listen to my problems so I thought I would write them down. Then I decided to post it on here. Just moved to a new city and started at a new school. I don't miss anything from my old hometown, I'm actually quite happy to be somewhere else. Moving has been tough though. I had to give up my cat and say goodbye to my friends. I have kind of 'joined' a group of friends at school. They're all pretty nice. The dynamic of the group is a little weird though. Its like 50% introverts who don't talk much, myself included, and 50% strongly opinionated extroverts. They mostly seem like a nice group of people though. In regard to making friends, things have gone pretty well. Trying to form deep relationships with people is a hard and long process though. It's hard not to get impatient and blame myself though. I feel like I'm being ungrateful because even though I think I've been lucky in finding a group of friends, which is exactly what I want, I still feel so shit. I've never been diagnosed but I think I could have depression and/or anxiety. I would love to get some medication if it would ease the pain, but I don't want to tell my parents how I feel. Over the past few years I've thought of suicide probably at least once a month, usually weekly or daily though, and planned it two or three times in my life. I've been thinking about it a lot recently. I've been researching pills I can get at a chemist that I could overdose on and I've found a suicide bridge that's very close to my house. I've been told that I should live for all the good moments in life, but the effort it takes to reach those moments doesn't seem worth it sometimes. I'm starting to find it hard to trust myself. I'm like a different person from day to day, or even hour to hour. During the brief moments when I feel happy about something I worry about my emotions causing me to do something I regret. When I'm sad or empty it's all I can think about. There's this girl who's not in my new social circle but who has been really nice to me. She seems like a really nice person. We don't see each other much but she always makes an effort to greet me. I'm unsure whether her intentions are romantic or platonic and it's making me dizzy. I really want us to become better friends or maybe more, but I am not great at social interaction and always make myself feel shit about every little mistake I make. I feel kind of like It'll never happen, yet I spent the whole afternoon texting her. I feel like I'm going insane. The people I admire most are the ones that seem like the nicest people you could ever know and make you feel happy just being present or after a short conversation and you're always left wanting more from them. I aspire to be like this and make other people happy. I need to remember to smile more though. Usually I have a high libido but the past two weeks my drive has literally been non-existent. A month ago my shit suddenly became sloppy even though my diet is quite healthy and hasn't changed much, I think it is anxiety causing me to be extremely tense all the time. I just started waking up at 4am every morning out of nowhere and I can't stop. I don't know what the fuck is happening to me. I feel so lonely. I just want someone to talk to and listen to. Getting to that point with someone new takes time and I'm getting kind of impatient. I don't know what to do to make myself happy. If things worked out with this girl I think I would be happier, yet the thought of her losing interest in me makes me feel awful. Wow, this ended up really long.",throwaway656543,1,0,6,2020-03-06 12:04:35,getting_over_it,"I have no one to listen to my problems so I thought I would write them down. Then I decided to post it on here. Just moved to a new city and started at a new school. I don't miss anything from my old hometown, I'm actually quite happy to be somewhere else. Moving has been tough though. I had to give up my cat and say goodbye to my friends. I have kind of 'joined' a group of friends at school. They're all pretty nice. The dynamic of the group is a little weird though. Its like 50% introverts who don't talk much, myself included, and 50% strongly opinionated extroverts. They mostly seem like a nice group of people though. In regard to making friends, things have gone pretty well. Trying to form deep relationships with people is a hard and long process though. It's hard not to get impatient and blame myself though. I feel like I'm being ungrateful because even though I think I've been lucky in finding a group of friends, which is exactly what I want, I still feel so shit. I've never been diagnosed but I think I could have depression and/or anxiety. I would love to get some medication if it would ease the pain, but I don't want to tell my parents how I feel. Over the past few years I've thought of suicide probably at least once a month, usually weekly or daily though, and planned it two or three times in my life. I've been thinking about it a lot recently. I've been researching pills I can get at a chemist that I could overdose on and I've found a suicide bridge that's very close to my house. I've been told that I should live for all the good moments in life, but the effort it takes to reach those moments doesn't seem worth it sometimes. I'm starting to find it hard to trust myself. I'm like a different person from day to day, or even hour to hour. During the brief moments when I feel happy about something I worry about my emotions causing me to do something I regret. When I'm sad or empty it's all I can think about. There's this girl who's not in my new social circle but who has been really nice to me. She seems like a really nice person. We don't see each other much but she always makes an effort to greet me. I'm unsure whether her intentions are romantic or platonic and it's making me dizzy. I really want us to become better friends or maybe more, but I am not great at social interaction and always make myself feel shit about every little mistake I make. I feel kind of like It'll never happen, yet I spent the whole afternoon texting her. I feel like I'm going insane. The people I admire most are the ones that seem like the nicest people you could ever know and make you feel happy just being present or after a short conversation and you're always left wanting more from them. I aspire to be like this and make other people happy. I need to remember to smile more though. Usually I have a high libido but the past two weeks my drive has literally been non-existent. A month ago my shit suddenly became sloppy even though my diet is quite healthy and hasn't changed much, I think it is anxiety causing me to be extremely tense all the time. I just started waking up at 4am every morning out of nowhere and I can't stop. I don't know what the fuck is happening to me. I feel so lonely. I just want someone to talk to and listen to. Getting to that point with someone new takes time and I'm getting kind of impatient. I don't know what to do to make myself happy. If things worked out with this girl I think I would be happier, yet the thought of her losing interest in me makes me feel awful. Wow, this ended up really long.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ekfb1j,"Someone seems to be late to the party ""Exposure to Threats, Assaults Related to PTSD in Psychiatric Staff""",0,chitchat,2,">The majority of psychiatric staff report exposure to critical events including threats, assaults, and death, according to study results published in Psychiatric Services. Such exposure is related to elevated post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) symptoms. > >Investigators reviewed cross-sectional survey data from 761 psychiatric professionals (69% women), including nurses, physicians, therapists, clinical managers, and psychologists, at 3 psychiatric hospital inpatient units in Canada. Overall, 57% of respondents worked as nurses and 64% had more than 5 years of experience in mental health services. > >“The contribution of both critical events and chronic stressors to PTSD symptoms suggests that workplace interventions may be needed to address cumulative effects of multiple stressors,” the investigators wrote. “Environmental changes to reduce patients’ behavioral challenges, combined with access for staff to mental health professionals qualified to assess and treat PTSD, could benefit both staff and patients.” Future research may also evaluate barriers to the use of mental health support services. >*Hilton NZ, Ham E, Rodrigues NC, Kirsh B, Chapovalov O, Seto MC. Contribution of critical events and chronic stressors to PTSD symptoms among psychiatric workers [published online December 4, 2019]. Psychiatr Serv. doi:10.1176/appi.ps.201900226* see: https://www.psychiatryadvisor.com/home/topics/general-psychiatry/exposure-to-threats-assaults-related-to-ptsd-in-psychiatric-staff/",BlueAzzure,1,0,8,2020-01-05 16:39:29,ptsd,">The majority of psychiatric staff report exposure to critical events including threats, assaults, and death, according to study results published in Psychiatric Services. Such exposure is related to elevated post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) symptoms. > >Investigators reviewed cross-sectional survey data from 761 psychiatric professionals (69% women), including nurses, physicians, therapists, clinical managers, and psychologists, at 3 psychiatric hospital inpatient units in Canada. Overall, 57% of respondents worked as nurses and 64% had more than 5 years of experience in mental health services. > >“The contribution of both critical events and chronic stressors to PTSD symptoms suggests that workplace interventions may be needed to address cumulative effects of multiple stressors,” the investigators wrote. “Environmental changes to reduce patients’ behavioral challenges, combined with access for staff to mental health professionals qualified to assess and treat PTSD, could benefit both staff and patients.” Future research may also evaluate barriers to the use of mental health support services. >*Hilton NZ, Ham E, Rodrigues NC, Kirsh B, Chapovalov O, Seto MC. Contribution of critical events and chronic stressors to PTSD symptoms among psychiatric workers [published online December 4, 2019]. Psychiatr Serv. doi:10.1176/appi.ps.201900226* see: https://www.psychiatryadvisor.com/home/topics/general-psychiatry/exposure-to-threats-assaults-related-to-ptsd-in-psychiatric-staff/",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eift6h,New trauma and flashbacks?,0,help-seeking,1,"I knew I had trauma from my childhood since July/august ish 2019, but I never had flashbacks, even when someone did something that should have triggered a full on flashback, but then in November I started having flashbacks of all kinds even just for no reason. It makes me feel fake. Any advice? Also Is it normal to not know you have trauma? Like the other day someone triggered a flashback of something I didn’t know was traumatising. I don’t have DID and don’t dissociate a lot, it this normal?",waterebin,1,0,2,2020-01-01 07:49:16,ptsd,"I knew I had trauma from my childhood since July/august ish 2019, but I never had flashbacks, even when someone did something that should have triggered a full on flashback, but then in November I started having flashbacks of all kinds even just for no reason. It makes me feel fake. Any advice? Also Is it normal to not know you have trauma? Like the other day someone triggered a flashback of something I didn’t know was traumatising. I don’t have DID and don’t dissociate a lot, it this normal?",1,1,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,the flashbacks,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how the flashbacks made you feel,,,,True,112 ej2fev,"Started dating some one new, can tell now they are pulling back",1b,help-seeking,1,"I started dating someone and we saw each other once a week for a month. I just met his friends before I left to go home for break. Everything felt really good, and it was the best I have felt with someone in years. Now, he hasn’t been responding to my texts as much and is being inconsistent. I want to ask him if I did something wrong but ultimately I am not sure what to do here. Would it be best to let it fade out, or is it fair for me to ask what happened? I have diagnosed BPD so now I feel like I am in a low point and really down on myself since I feel like he is leaving.",lifealchemistt,3,0,2,2020-01-02 18:58:16,BPD,"I started dating someone and we saw each other once a week for a month. I just met his friends before I left to go home for break. Everything felt really good, and it was the best I have felt with someone in years. Now, he hasn’t been responding to my texts as much and is being inconsistent. I want to ask him if I did something wrong but ultimately I am not sure what to do here. Would it be best to let it fade out, or is it fair for me to ask what happened? I have diagnosed BPD so now I feel like I am in a low point and really down on myself since I feel like he is leaving.",2,1,2,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how did he not responding to your text make you feel,,,,True,212 ekymer,"I (25M) think i cured my rape trauma and ""fetish"" by going online and finding someone to do it again. Is this sick?",1b,help-seeking,3,"I (25M) was sexually abused almost daily as a kid from age 6 to 12, by an older man. I wouldn't call it ""rape"" because he didn't actually force me, he just taught me how to do everything and I never really existed. This led to me, at age 13, to start hanging out with older men who gave me alcohol and weed in exchange for sexual favors, because it just came naturally to me. At 16 I was literally raped, strangled for 2 minutes , by one of these men who gave me shots of alcohol and got me kinda drunk, I wasn't wasted. Before I went to his house, I told him I did NOT want to get effed that night and he agreed and promised. But all of a sudden when I got there, he violently threw me on the ground and did it anyway. I remember his arms were around my neck while he was behind me on the floor, and my eyes were wide open but I couldn't see anything except super bright white light, fading in and out of consciousness. And I had to limp home bleeding after. (He still has 12 more years in prison). I hated it at the time and it hurt alot, but when I turned 17, I started posting online hookup sites (ONLY WHEN I WAS SUPER DRUNK) that I was looking to be ""real raped, choked"" because for some reason it turned me on in my sick brain after that incident when I was 16. I wouldn't post it all the time , just like once every 2 or 3 months , and mostly did it for the messages . The guys I DID infrequently meet were all just really rough, but respected my feelings when I was in pain, even though I didn't want them to. 2 weeks ago, I posted on Grindr asking for that again. This guy sent me a car to his house, gave me lots of shots and one line of coke, which I had never done before. He choked me harder than the guy when I was 16 and did more stuff ,, you know ,, and I was literally in so much pain because he was using his whole hand, and I was screaming ""OKAY STOP , PLEASE STOP PLEASE, STOP"" and I was yelling so loud , and so much, and he only stopped when he noticed I was bleeding alot. And I was in so much pain almost crying ,, but I wasn't mad at him. Over the next 2 days I realized that I do NOT want to be raped anymore. I can't go through it again. I feel like I cured myself from that sick fetish, and I feel brand new. It's so weird. I think it worked . Is this crazy??? TL;DR -- I (25M) was abused my whole childhood, and violently raped at 16 by a felon , and then I started having fantasies of being raped again when I was 17. I'm not talking about a fetish, I'm talking of a REAL rape. I found someone to do it violently to me again, a few weeks ago,, and I feel like it cured me of that sick ""fetish"". I don't feel so disgusting now for feeling that . Maybe because this time it was my choice? Is this sick? Do you think this cure will last? Thoughts? It's been weeks now , and the thought of being raped now sounds bad to me.",DanielKush,1,0,0,2020-01-06 19:09:19,rapecounseling,"I (25M) was sexually abused almost daily as a kid from age 6 to 12, by an older man. I wouldn't call it ""rape"" because he didn't actually force me, he just taught me how to do everything and I never really existed. This led to me, at age 13, to start hanging out with older men who gave me alcohol and weed in exchange for sexual favors, because it just came naturally to me. At 16 I was literally raped, strangled for 2 minutes , by one of these men who gave me shots of alcohol and got me kinda drunk, I wasn't wasted. Before I went to his house, I told him I did NOT want to get effed that night and he agreed and promised. But all of a sudden when I got there, he violently threw me on the ground and did it anyway. I remember his arms were around my neck while he was behind me on the floor, and my eyes were wide open but I couldn't see anything except super bright white light, fading in and out of consciousness. And I had to limp home bleeding after. (He still has 12 more years in prison). I hated it at the time and it hurt alot, but when I turned 17, I started posting online hookup sites (ONLY WHEN I WAS SUPER DRUNK) that I was looking to be ""real raped, choked"" because for some reason it turned me on in my sick brain after that incident when I was 16. I wouldn't post it all the time , just like once every 2 or 3 months , and mostly did it for the messages . The guys I DID infrequently meet were all just really rough, but respected my feelings when I was in pain, even though I didn't want them to. 2 weeks ago, I posted on Grindr asking for that again. This guy sent me a car to his house, gave me lots of shots and one line of coke, which I had never done before. He choked me harder than the guy when I was 16 and did more stuff ,, you know ,, and I was literally in so much pain because he was using his whole hand, and I was screaming ""OKAY STOP , PLEASE STOP PLEASE, STOP"" and I was yelling so loud , and so much, and he only stopped when he noticed I was bleeding a lot. And I was in so much pain almost crying ,, but I wasn't mad at him. Over the next 2 days I realized that I do NOT want to be raped anymore. I can't go through it again. I feel like I cured myself from that sick fetish, and I feel brand new. It's so weird. I think it worked . Is this crazy??? TL;DR -- I (25M) was abused my whole childhood, and violently raped at 16 by a felon , and then I started having fantasies of being raped again when I was 17. I'm not talking about a fetish, I'm talking of a REAL rape. I found someone to do it violently to me again, a few weeks ago,, I feel like it cured me of that sick ""fetish"". I don't feel so disgusting now for feeling that . Maybe because this time it was my choice? Is this sick? Do you think this cure will last? Thoughts? It's been weeks now , and the thought of being raped now sounds bad to me.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 f518xh,My anger has gotten me to an ultimatum,1a,help-seeking,2,"As long as I can remember, I have struggles with anger, having a quick temper, being incredibly passionate (I guess this is the right word), and taking a long time to get over things i.e. holding grudges. So much to the point that i had been known by my friends as the angry friend and they, as friends do sometimes, would just mess with me to get me to flip. As time went on, I felt I was able to manage it all better. But about 2 years ago I had a bad breakup that demoralized me and caused me to lose all progress I made. In my current relationship, my girlfriend and I have had a rough road, coming from very different cultures and working through a language barrier. Overall we have made immense progress, but one thing that is still overwhelming is my anger. I struggle to manage it and will flip out, yell, curse, and generally get to a point where she is scared. I have never gotten physical and have always stood by that moral no matter how angry I get. But today we had a fight that got escalated and I yelled and cursed again. She gave me an ultimatum, saying I need to promise to stop or she cant take it anymore. I love her to death and I want nothing more than to eradicate this anger and give her what she deserves. But I dont know how, and I feel lost as I am struggling with depression and anxiety on top of all of this. I already regularly see a therapist and take antidepressants. I feel worthless and like the lowest, dirtiest person ever. Any tips or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you. TL;DR: I struggle to control my anger and I yell and curse a lot, and my girlfriend who I love very much had told me it needs to end or the relationship will. I need help and tips.",mare_incognitum,1,0,19,2020-02-17 01:59:51,Anger,"As long as I can remember, I have struggles with anger, having a quick temper, being incredibly passionate (I guess this is the right word), and taking a long time to get over things i.e. holding grudges. So much to the point that i had been known by my friends as the angry friend and they, as friends do sometimes, would just mess with me to get me to flip. As time went on, I felt I was able to manage it all better. But about 2 years ago I had a bad breakup that demoralized me and caused me to lose all progress I made. In my current relationship, my girlfriend and I have had a rough road, coming from very different cultures and working through a language barrier. Overall we have made immense progress, but one thing that is still overwhelming is my anger. I struggle to manage it and will flip out, yell, curse, and generally get to a point where she is scared. I have never gotten physical and have always stood by that moral no matter how angry I get. But today we had a fight that got escalated and I yelled and cursed again. She gave me an ultimatum, saying I need to promise to stop or she cant take it anymore. I love her to death and I want nothing more than to eradicate this anger and give her what she deserves. But I dont know how, and I feel lost as I am struggling with depression and anxiety on top of all of this. I already regularly see a therapist and take antidepressants. I feel worthless and like the lowest, dirtiest person ever. Any tips or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you. TL;DR: I struggle to control my anger and I yell and curse a lot, and my girlfriend who I love very much had told me it needs to end or the relationship will. I need help and tips.",2,2,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help control your anger,,True,221 f077ft,OB Appts,1b,help-seeking,2,"So, I have a history of child sexual abuse and then rape/sexual assault in a relationship I was in after undergrad that I’m 99.9% I got HPV from... long story short my HPV isn’t clearing up on its own and I’ve had it for at least 4 years (went to the OB four years ago). So, I finally decided to go back to the OB last week to find out my HPV and CIN1 is present with most likely CIN 2 being present too. They are double checking but that means that I am def going to have more paps and stuff of that nature. I’m freaking out because I could barely make it past the pap last week and the in depth path today. I want to die and the thought of continuing this because of CIN 1 &2 is horrific to me. Any ideas that about what to do? The doctor knows something happened because apparently I have scarring and she commented about how I must have been having a hard time because it look me so long to get to the edge of the table for my first pap with her. I know cervical cancer is horrific and it’s shocking to be in my 20s dealing with this but I’m almost tempted to not treat this to avoid this process ever again.",t2250,1,0,3,2020-02-07 07:33:51,rapecounseling,"So, I have a history of child sexual abuse and then rape/sexual assault in a relationship I was in after undergrad that I’m 99.9% I got HPV from... long story short my HPV isn’t clearing up on its own and I’ve had it for at least 4 years (went to the OB four years ago). So, I finally decided to go back to the OB last week to find out my HPV and CIN1 is present with most likely CIN 2 being present too. They are double checking but that means that I am def going to have more paps and stuff of that nature. I’m freaking out because I could barely make it past the pap last week and the in depth path today. I want to die and the thought of continuing this because of CIN 1 &2 is horrific to me. Any ideas that about what to do? The doctor knows something happened because apparently I have scarring and she commented about how I must have been having a hard time because it look me so long to get to the edge of the table for my first pap with her. I know cervical cancer is horrific and it’s shocking to be in my 20s dealing with this but I’m almost tempted to not treat this to avoid this process ever again.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 et2ja1,Have you recovered from your trauma? (apologies if this doesn't fit the sub),0,chitchat,4,"Hey yall, I'd love to get your thoughts on a mental health awareness campaign I've been working on for the past year. If you're interested in participating, even better. **WHAT PROBLEM ARE WE TRYING TO SOLVE?** ***The news is killing people.*** When we lost Robin Williams the suicide rate increased by 10%. Marilyn Monroe: 12%. When Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain committed suicide, the hotline got 25% more calls. It's called *suicide contagion,* and it’s the proven link between mass media coverage of suicide and an increase in suicide rates. Think about it. If a celebrity with more resources and success couldn’t beat it, how can anyone? It makes you feel hopeless. And hopelessness can be deadly. With suicide rates increasing across the world, we have to do something now more than ever. Something unprecedented. We have to tell the other side of the story. Where people survive and thrive. We have to #ReportSurvival. ***#ReportSurvival*** \#ReportSurvival is a campaign guiding news organizations to report suicide more responsibly. Whether it’s Buzzfeed, the local news, or CNN, we’ll create a media landscape where a story of someone who survived suicide follows every report of someone who didn't. **WHY SURVIVOR STORIES?** ***Why survivor stories?*** For every person that dies by suicide, another 280 people survive. Many of whom go on to live happy, fulfilling lives. These stories of survival and perseverance hold extraordinary power. That's why they're an effective way to end suicide contagion. But don't take it from us, take it from them: “Portraying suicide survivors rather than focusing on completed cases in the media is more effective in reducing suicide contagion.” * *Madelyn Gould, professor of clinical epidemiology at Columbia University and expert in youth suicide* “Our best answers as to why suicides happen and what we can do to prevent them are not found by focusing on the one person who died by suicide, but by focusing on the living—the other 280 who survived.” * *John Draper, Ph.D., executive director of the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline* “It turns out that, although suicide can be contagious, resilience can also be contagious. And when we look at media reports that talk about people who thought about suicide but instead got help and got better, that actually rates across the population, the number of deaths that happen in a specific area, go down. And we really really want to encourage people to report in that kind of way.” * *Mark Sinyor, M.D., Clinical Researcher and Professor at the University of Toronto* “Hearing stories from people who have survived suicide attempts is an important step in suicide prevention.” * *Professor Patrick McGorry, former Australian of the Year for his services to youth mental health* “Their stories are not only enlightening professionals who create policies or study the subject, but they are also transmitting all important hope to those at risk."" * *Center for Suicide Prevention* ""People see stories all the time about those surviving breast cancer, heart disease, and stroke, and we know what that recovery looks like—it helps people who are experiencing it or someone whose mom just got diagnosed. So many people go through their suicidal crisis feeling completely isolated and alone because they think they're the only ones. But they're not. There are millions of healing and recovery stories—they just haven't been shared."" * *Shelby Rowe, a youth suicide prevention program manager for the Oklahoma Department of Mental Health and Substance Abuse Services* ***Don’t survivor stories already exist?*** When was the last time you saw an uplifting news story about someone who overcame suicide? Unfortunately, it’s human nature to take an interest in conflict, drama, and tragedy. As a result, the few survivor stories that are independently produced are unpromoted and low quality. Of the content that does exist, ours will be different in several crucial ways: 1. ***Relevance*** \- Instead of one or two, we’ll feature 20 unique stories. This ensures every sufferer, no matter their experience, has something they can relate to. 2. ***Quality*** \- We’ve worked with award-winning production companies, many of whom are interested in pro-bono work. That means we’ll have the best equipment, crews, and directors to deliver quality films that distinguish our stories and engage our viewers. 3. ***Compelling Content*** \- We’ve learned storytelling at some of the world’s most renown advertising agencies and news organizations. Given our experience, we’re confident we can create films that are enthralling, concise, and effective. 4. ***Understanding*** *–* We understand these issues because we’ve been victims of them. Whether it’s suicide, suicide contagion, or depression, the videos we’re creating are films we wish existed when we felt lost and hopeless. 5. ***Casting*** \- Finding the right people is essential. Without a good story, we don’t have a film worth making. That’s why we won’t proceed until we’re completely satisfied. 6. ***Link to Treatment*** \- This is about more than hope. It’s about action and lasting change. That’s why we’re putting emphasis on how suicide survivors got through it, giving concrete examples of how others can too. Each film will link to treatment options and affordable resources to help people take the next step and get the help they so desperately need. **HOW WILL THIS WORK?** For this to work, we need news organizations to see these survivor stories and make a commitment to #ReportSurvival. Here’s why it will happen: 1. ***It’s nothing new:*** Media guidelines for how to report suicide already exist. The most effective being the suicide prevention hotline. Problem is, suicide contagion is only getting worse. This makes #ReportSurvival a simple, yet essential evolution of these guidelines. 2. ***We made it simple:*** We'll make the survivor films ourselves. All they’ll have to do is link to the film. That's one line of text alongside the suicide prevention hotline number. It’s that easy. 3. ***Broadcast quality:*** Our films will be as compelling and well produced as any broadcast segment. 4. ***Variety:*** With 20 different films, news outlets won’t have to worry about covering the same story. 5. ***Pre-launch partnership:*** We’ll partner with a news organization beforehand. When we launch they'll pledge to #ReportSurvival, which ensures others will follow. 6. ***PR:*** A well-executed PR plan is essential. In the absence of one, our survivor stories will get lost in a clutter of internet content. Our experience pitching blogs and acquiring earned media will ensure people and news organizations won’t miss our efforts. 7. ***Legitimacy:*** Along the way, we'll get endorsements from mental health organizations like NAMI and influencers like Michael Phelps. 8. ***They already care:*** Unlike the rest of the world, reporters are well aware of suicide contagion. #ReportSurvival is a chance for them to help end a life or death issue they’re painfully aware of. With that, let’s go over how this works executionally. 1. ***Pre-Launch: The Stories*** ***Casting*** First things first. We’ll partner with a casting agency to help us find the most moving survivor stories. At the same time, we’ll tap into our own networks to cast an even wider net. ***Production*** To ensure viewers have a story they can relate to, we'll produce 20 films. Each will represent a different gender, sexuality, race, age, trauma, or treatment. That means 300 million people who’re suffering from depression will finally have access to stories they can relate to. ***Partnerships*** The more help we can get the better. Whether it’s non-profits with funding, individuals with feedback, or production partners with time and equipment, we’ll take whatever we can get. 2) ***Pre-Launch: #ReportSurvival*** ***Influencers*** Although it’s not essential, influencers have helped spark some of the most successful social movements in the digital age. Movements like #MeToo, Obama’s “Change” campaign, and the Ice Bucket Challenge dominated the internet because of influencer support. Given this issue's importance, our connections, and how unaware people are, we believe we can recruit some of the world’s most influential people. Celebrities with their own survivor stories in all areas of life. Oprah, Michael Phelps, Ted Turner, Prince Harry, and J.K. Rowling are just a few examples of influencers who are just as passionate as we are. ***Bring on the News*** As proven with the existing suicide guidelines when one news organization commits to change, the rest join. Doesn’t matter if it’s Fox News or MSNBC, they all want to help end suicide contagion. So as we previously mentioned, we’ll partner with an organization beforehand. 3) ***Launch*** ***Wait for it*** Every high profile suicide has lead to record-breaking global awareness, but very little action or change. By launching our campaign in reaction to the next widely publicized high profile suicide, we’ll turn awareness into action. **WHO ARE WE?** ***I’m Tim*** I spent the last 6 years working at Ogilvy & Mather. While there, I executed campaigns for American Express, British Airways, Coke Zero, ThinkPad, and Qualcomm. I know what it's like to feel hopeless. I know suicide contagion exists because I was almost a victim of it. And I know how discouraging it is to see countless stories of people who gave up, but none of the people who beat it. That’s why this isn’t something I *want* to do. This is something I *will do*. ***The Agency*** My digital media company GUSH specializes in social media campaigns and PR-worthy executions. Part of our business is applying our digital, social, and PR skills to end the mental health crisis. **DO YOU HAVE A STORY?** We'd love to hear and potentially feature it to help launch the project!",timfluencer,1,0,3,2020-01-24 00:45:21,domesticviolence,"Hey yall, I'd love to get your thoughts on a mental health awareness campaign I've been working on for the past year. If you're interested in participating, even better. **WHAT PROBLEM ARE WE TRYING TO SOLVE?** ***The news is killing people.*** When we lost Robin Williams the suicide rate increased by 10%. Marilyn Monroe: 12%. When Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain committed suicide, the hotline got 25% more calls. It's called *suicide contagion,* and it’s the proven link between mass media coverage of suicide and an increase in suicide rates. Think about it. If a celebrity with more resources and success couldn’t beat it, how can anyone? It makes you feel hopeless. And hopelessness can be deadly. With suicide rates increasing across the world, we have to do something now more than ever. Something unprecedented. We have to tell the other side of the story. Where people survive and thrive. We have to #ReportSurvival. ***#ReportSurvival*** \#ReportSurvival is a campaign guiding news organizations to report suicide more responsibly. Whether it’s Buzzfeed, the local news, or CNN, we’ll create a media landscape where a story of someone who survived suicide follows every report of someone who didn't. **WHY SURVIVOR STORIES?** ***Why survivor stories?*** For every person that dies by suicide, another 280 people survive. Many of whom go on to live happy, fulfilling lives. These stories of survival and perseverance hold extraordinary power. That's why they're an effective way to end suicide contagion. But don't take it from us, take it from them: “Portraying suicide survivors rather than focusing on completed cases in the media is more effective in reducing suicide contagion.” * *Madelyn Gould, professor of clinical epidemiology at Columbia University and expert in youth suicide* “Our best answers as to why suicides happen and what we can do to prevent them are not found by focusing on the one person who died by suicide, but by focusing on the living—the other 280 who survived.” * *John Draper, Ph.D., executive director of the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline* “It turns out that, although suicide can be contagious, resilience can also be contagious. And when we look at media reports that talk about people who thought about suicide but instead got help and got better, that actually rates across the population, the number of deaths that happen in a specific area, go down. And we really really want to encourage people to report in that kind of way.” * *Mark Sinyor, M.D., Clinical Researcher and Professor at the University of Toronto* “Hearing stories from people who have survived suicide attempts is an important step in suicide prevention.” * *Professor Patrick McGorry, former Australian of the Year for his services to youth mental health* “Their stories are not only enlightening professionals who create policies or study the subject, but they are also transmitting all important hope to those at risk."" * *Center for Suicide Prevention* ""People see stories all the time about those surviving breast cancer, heart disease, and stroke, and we know what that recovery looks like—it helps people who are experiencing it or someone whose mom just got diagnosed. So many people go through their suicidal crisis feeling completely isolated and alone because they think they're the only ones. But they're not. There are millions of healing and recovery stories—they just haven't been shared."" * *Shelby Rowe, a youth suicide prevention program manager for the Oklahoma Department of Mental Health and Substance Abuse Services* ***Don’t survivor stories already exist?*** When was the last time you saw an uplifting news story about someone who overcame suicide? Unfortunately, it’s human nature to take an interest in conflict, drama, and tragedy. As a result, the few survivor stories that are independently produced are unpromoted and low quality. Of the content that does exist, ours will be different in several crucial ways: 1. ***Relevance*** \- Instead of one or two, we’ll feature 20 unique stories. This ensures every sufferer, no matter their experience, has something they can relate to. 2. ***Quality*** \- We’ve worked with award-winning production companies, many of whom are interested in pro-bono work. That means we’ll have the best equipment, crews, and directors to deliver quality films that distinguish our stories and engage our viewers. 3. ***Compelling Content*** \- We’ve learned storytelling at some of the world’s most renown advertising agencies and news organizations. Given our experience, we’re confident we can create films that are enthralling, concise, and effective. 4. ***Understanding*** *–* We understand these issues because we’ve been victims of them. Whether it’s suicide, suicide contagion, or depression, the videos we’re creating are films we wish existed when we felt lost and hopeless. 5. ***Casting*** \- Finding the right people is essential. Without a good story, we don’t have a film worth making. That’s why we won’t proceed until we’re completely satisfied. 6. ***Link to Treatment*** \- This is about more than hope. It’s about action and lasting change. That’s why we’re putting emphasis on how suicide survivors got through it, giving concrete examples of how others can too. Each film will link to treatment options and affordable resources to help people take the next step and get the help they so desperately need. **HOW WILL THIS WORK?** For this to work, we need news organizations to see these survivor stories and make a commitment to #ReportSurvival. Here’s why it will happen: 1. ***It’s nothing new:*** Media guidelines for how to report suicide already exist. The most effective being the suicide prevention hotline. Problem is, suicide contagion is only getting worse. This makes #ReportSurvival a simple, yet essential evolution of these guidelines. 2. ***We made it simple:*** We'll make the survivor films ourselves. All they’ll have to do is link to the film. That's one line of text alongside the suicide prevention hotline number. It’s that easy. 3. ***Broadcast quality:*** Our films will be as compelling and well produced as any broadcast segment. 4. ***Variety:*** With 20 different films, news outlets won’t have to worry about covering the same story. 5. ***Pre-launch partnership:*** We’ll partner with a news organization beforehand. When we launch they'll pledge to #ReportSurvival, which ensures others will follow. 6. ***PR:*** A well-executed PR plan is essential. In the absence of one, our survivor stories will get lost in a clutter of internet content. Our experience pitching blogs and acquiring earned media will ensure people and news organizations won’t miss our efforts. 7. ***Legitimacy:*** Along the way, we'll get endorsements from mental health organizations like NAMI and influencers like Michael Phelps. 8. ***They already care:*** Unlike the rest of the world, reporters are well aware of suicide contagion. #ReportSurvival is a chance for them to help end a life or death issue they’re painfully aware of. With that, let’s go over how this works executionally. 1. ***Pre-Launch: The Stories*** ***Casting*** First things first. We’ll partner with a casting agency to help us find the most moving survivor stories. At the same time, we’ll tap into our own networks to cast an even wider net. ***Production*** To ensure viewers have a story they can relate to, we'll produce 20 films. Each will represent a different gender, sexuality, race, age, trauma, or treatment. That means 300 million people who’re suffering from depression will finally have access to stories they can relate to. ***Partnerships*** The more help we can get the better. Whether it’s non-profits with funding, individuals with feedback, or production partners with time and equipment, we’ll take whatever we can get. 2) ***Pre-Launch: #ReportSurvival*** ***Influencers*** Although it’s not essential, influencers have helped spark some of the most successful social movements in the digital age. Movements like #MeToo, Obama’s “Change” campaign, and the Ice Bucket Challenge dominated the internet because of influencer support. Given this issue's importance, our connections, and how unaware people are, we believe we can recruit some of the world’s most influential people. Celebrities with their own survivor stories in all areas of life. Oprah, Michael Phelps, Ted Turner, Prince Harry, and J.K. Rowling are just a few examples of influencers who are just as passionate as we are. ***Bring on the News*** As proven with the existing suicide guidelines when one news organization commits to change, the rest join. Doesn’t matter if it’s Fox News or MSNBC, they all want to help end suicide contagion. So as we previously mentioned, we’ll partner with an organization beforehand. 3) ***Launch*** ***Wait for it*** Every high profile suicide has lead to record-breaking global awareness, but very little action or change. By launching our campaign in reaction to the next widely publicized high profile suicide, we’ll turn awareness into action. **WHO ARE WE?** ***I’m Tim*** I spent the last 6 years working at Ogilvy & Mather. While there, I executed campaigns for American Express, British Airways, Coke Zero, ThinkPad, and Qualcomm. I know what it's like to feel hopeless. I know suicide contagion exists because I was almost a victim of it. And I know how discouraging it is to see countless stories of people who gave up, but none of the people who beat it. That’s why this isn’t something I *want* to do. This is something I *will do*. ***The Agency*** My digital media company GUSH specializes in social media campaigns and PR-worthy executions. Part of our business is applying our digital, social, and PR skills to end the mental health crisis. **DO YOU HAVE A STORY?** We'd love to hear and potentially feature it to help launch the project!",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eo9s3i,"This one’s kinda weird but, I’m addicted to music.",1a,survey,1,Like genuinely if there’s no music playing I start mumbling or moving my hands or feet. I cannot stay still. I feel extremely uneasy when there’s no music playing and when I have to sit still. It’s all I think about. It’s all I talk about. It’s not a problem to me though. I just wanted to share it to see if there’s anyone else out there like me.,icedripbeats,1,0,13,2020-01-13 20:28:54,addiction,Like genuinely if there’s no music playing I start mumbling or moving my hands or feet. I cannot stay still. I feel extremely uneasy when there’s no music playing and when I have to sit still. It’s all I think about. It’s all I talk about. It’s not a problem to me though. I just wanted to share it to see if there’s anyone else out there like me.,2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 ekrr70,4 months later...,1a,rant,3,"Hey guys, I've posted here a few times and the posts have always been well received so I thought I'd post again now that 4 months have passed since this attempt at getting clean. I still try and check the subreddit a few times a week, seeing all the stories here of people in day one and day two of withdrawals has been a massive help in continuing the fight. I honestly think that sometimes when I'm reading the stories of people going through withdrawals it almost gives me PTSD flashbacks of the agongy I went through. All I can say is keep fighting. It does get better, it gets better very quickly. In the grand scheme of things, the few weeks of withdrawal are fuck all compared to freedom. I know how long those seconds take to pass during withdrawals, I know the pain and suffering you are going through, we all do. I remember my last day of using, I remember my girlfriend coming home with a drug test, and me continuing to deny my use even when the results came back positive. I remember the look of sadness and despair I would see in my girlfriends eyes every time she looked at me, I knew that she knew, she knew that she knew, yet I would lie to her face everyday and make her feel crazy. I remember my life being controlled by powder. It would influence every single decision I made. I remember the looks my co-workers use to give me when I'd come out of the toilet for what would be the 7th time everyday. I remember sometimes when I would dose in my car before I went into work, I would begin crying and crying the second I used. Knowing I was well and truely fucked. The thing is, I wasn't fucked... Sure, I felt like I was trapped and my back was up against the wall, but the solution was always the same, get clean. Get clean no matter what it takes. This time I guess something just clicked, I was just so done. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I hated myself by the end of it all, all I cared about was getting high. I was a shell of my former self, I completely lost the ability to laugh and I was just so sick of living my whole life in shame, I hated being a liar, I hated how manipulative I was to the ones I loved me. I remember after doing my last dose, praying I wouldn't wake up the next day to face withdrawals... And then I woke up, drenched in sweat thinking... ""fuck."" Everytime I go through withdrawals, I make sure to have no comfort meds, as in my mind I wanted myself to suffer... This is stupid, you shouldn't want to suffer, you don't deserve to suffer... Get yourself some comfort meds.... Or suffer, a week is a week. One thing that really helped me this time, as silly as this sounds... Rubber bands (elastic bands) on my wrist. I flick myself with it whenever the thought of using popped into my head. My doctor recommended it to me, and hey it might be bullshit, but I must be doing something right. Weed. Thank God for weed. It made life bearable during withdrawals. Even if it was just to pass time, it fucking helped. Obviously if weed makes you anxious, this is probably not the way to go, but weed has always tickled my fancy. Aside from weed, I have cut every drug and alcohol out of my life. Things are just easier these days, no more unnecessary stress, no more pain and suffering, just life, a life I control. Things may not be as ""fun"" anymore, but they are nowhere near as BAD... Life's a trade off. Good luck everyone. One second at a time, you'll make it.",clown420,1,0,5,2020-01-06 09:24:13,OpiatesRecovery,"Hey guys, I've posted here a few times and the posts have always been well received so I thought I'd post again now that 4 months have passed since this attempt at getting clean. I still try and check the subreddit a few times a week, seeing all the stories here of people in day one and day two of withdrawals has been a massive help in continuing the fight. I honestly think that sometimes when I'm reading the stories of people going through withdrawals it almost gives me PTSD flashbacks of the agongy I went through. All I can say is keep fighting. It does get better, it gets better very quickly. In the grand scheme of things, the few weeks of withdrawal are fuck all compared to freedom. I know how long those seconds take to pass during withdrawals, I know the pain and suffering you are going through, we all do. I remember my last day of using, I remember my girlfriend coming home with a drug test, and me continuing to deny my use even when the results came back positive. I remember the look of sadness and despair I would see in my girlfriends eyes every time she looked at me, I knew that she knew, she knew that she knew, yet I would lie to her face everyday and make her feel crazy. I remember my life being controlled by powder. It would influence every single decision I made. I remember the looks my co-workers use to give me when I'd come out of the toilet for what would be the 7th time everyday. I remember sometimes when I would dose in my car before I went into work, I would begin crying and crying the second I used. Knowing I was well and truely fucked. The thing is, I wasn't fucked... Sure, I felt like I was trapped and my back was up against the wall, but the solution was always the same, get clean. Get clean no matter what it takes. This time I guess something just clicked, I was just so done. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I hated myself by the end of it all, all I cared about was getting high. I was a shell of my former self, I completely lost the ability to laugh and I was just so sick of living my whole life in shame, I hated being a liar, I hated how manipulative I was to the ones I loved me. I remember after doing my last dose, praying I wouldn't wake up the next day to face withdrawals... And then I woke up, drenched in sweat thinking... ""fuck."" Everytime I go through withdrawals, I make sure to have no comfort meds, as in my mind I wanted myself to suffer... This is stupid, you shouldn't want to suffer, you don't deserve to suffer... Get yourself some comfort meds.... Or suffer, a week is a week. One thing that really helped me this time, as silly as this sounds... Rubber bands (elastic bands) on my wrist. I flick myself with it whenever the thought of using popped into my head. My doctor recommended it to me, and hey it might be bullshit, but I must be doing something right. Weed. Thank God for weed. It made life bearable during withdrawals. Even if it was just to pass time, it fucking helped. Obviously if weed makes you anxious, this is probably not the way to go, but weed has always tickled my fancy. Aside from weed, I have cut every drug and alcohol out of my life. Things are just easier these days, no more unnecessary stress, no more pain and suffering, just life, a life I control. Things may not be as ""fun"" anymore, but they are nowhere near as BAD... Life's a trade off. Good luck everyone. One second at a time, you'll make it.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 erf3sb,Long Post but I don't know what to do about my mother's possibly emotionally and financially abusive boyfriend,1b,help-seeking,2,"Im trying to keep this as short as possible, but I really need help with all this because I feel like we are drowning. My mother is in a possibly abusive relationship, I don't know whether my past is clouding my judgement here which is why I say possibly. Her boyfriend of 3/4 years was very nice at first, mostly because she wasn't very into him and he was very aggressive in his pursuing to the point where he followed her home from the local pub, and had his mail redirected to our address after a month of sort of seeing each other. Still, he would take her on trips, was generous with gifts and would plan nice dates. She was employed, but she hated her job, so he decided to call her boss names and ultimately got her fired. She was offered a job in a mixed sex gym but he threw a tantrum so she didn't take it. She then became the book keeper for his company. After a year they decided to move, my mother sold our house and paid half of the new home, and they took out a loan for the second half which he pays. On the moving night, he drank himself to oblivion because he ""had already worked harder than everyone"" in front of our family helping us move, and was aggressive. He called my older sister (24, now 26) a cunt, broke things and we believe he may have pushed our mother (didn't witness, just found her on the ground and him angrily above her). The drinking is a massive problem, he drinks everynight, and he sometimes becomes nasty and has called us both cunts, calls her other names and tells her that everyone will leave her but him. He will tell her she's not perfect, that she blames him for everything, ect. He doesn't let her have opinions on things and routinely controls how she does things. At the last election she didn't vote for who he told her to and he still yells at her for that a year later. She is responsible for buying all the household stuff, if he buys food it stays locked up in his downstairs fridge until he wants to use it. What she buys is scrutinised, to the point where he questions her buying more than one yoghurt. She has said multiple times she wants to be dead, but at this current time sees no way out. My own mental health has severely deteriorated in the past 2 years from the situation. I'm scared that one day he will become physically violent and hurt her. Tldr; Mother's boyfriend is controlling, an alcoholic, took away her financial independence. Is this classified as emotional abuse and how can I help her see that she doesn't have to stay? Also, how likely is he to resort to physical violence?",drphilslefttit,1,0,2,2020-01-20 16:03:22,domesticviolence,"Im trying to keep this as short as possible, but I really need help with all this because I feel like we are drowning. My mother is in a possibly abusive relationship, I don't know whether my past is clouding my judgement here which is why I say possibly. Her boyfriend of 3/4 years was very nice at first, mostly because she wasn't very into him and he was very aggressive in his pursuing to the point where he followed her home from the local pub, and had his mail redirected to our address after a month of sort of seeing each other. Still, he would take her on trips, was generous with gifts and would plan nice dates. She was employed, but she hated her job, so he decided to call her boss names and ultimately got her fired. She was offered a job in a mixed sex gym but he threw a tantrum so she didn't take it. She then became the book keeper for his company. After a year they decided to move, my mother sold our house and paid half of the new home, and they took out a loan for the second half which he pays. On the moving night, he drank himself to oblivion because he ""had already worked harder than everyone"" in front of our family helping us move, and was aggressive. He called my older sister (24, now 26) a cunt, broke things and we believe he may have pushed our mother (didn't witness, just found her on the ground and him angrily above her). The drinking is a massive problem, he drinks everynight, and he sometimes becomes nasty and has called us both cunts, calls her other names and tells her that everyone will leave her but him. He will tell her she's not perfect, that she blames him for everything, etc. He doesn't let her have opinions on things and routinely controls how she does things. At the last election she didn't vote for who he told her to and he still yells at her for that a year later. She is responsible for buying all the household stuff, if he buys food it stays locked up in his downstairs fridge until he wants to use it. What she buys is scrutinised, to the point where he questions her buying more than one yoghurt. She has said multiple times she wants to be dead, but at this current time sees no way out. My own mental health has severely deteriorated in the past 2 years from the situation. I'm scared that one day he will become physically violent and hurt her. Tldr; Mother's boyfriend is controlling, an alcoholic, took away her financial independence. Is this classified as emotional abuse and how can I help her see that she doesn't have to stay? Also, how likely is he to resort to physical violence?",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ejrxa3,I'm going to be 24 this year,1a,rant,1,"And I've been a drug addict sine 14, it's been ten years, started with weed then experimented with other things. The things that stuck where the uppers cocaine, adderall, ritalan. On top of that I drink everyday Sometimes secretly I'm keeping it from my boyfrind, we argue everyday and it just makes me want to use. And it only makes me feel worse. But I can't help it I want to be high I want to be drunk im scared of being sober. Im a peice of shit. I always start the fights because I'm usally comming down . I'm not sure what to do. I upset everyone around me. They all say I don't put effort in anything. But I do! I try so hard to keep people happy. But yet someone's getting upset , And I hate that.. it's 12am I'm going to sleep I work in the mornings ♥️",davyfiggy,3,0,2,2020-01-04 04:49:52,addiction,"And I've been a drug addict sine 14, it's been ten years, started with weed then experimented with other things. The things that stuck where the uppers cocaine, adderall, ritalan. On top of that I drink everyday Sometimes secretly I'm keeping it from my boyfrind, we argue everyday and it just makes me want to use. And it only makes me feel worse. But I can't help it I want to be high I want to be drunk im scared of being sober. Im a peice of shit. I always start the fights because I'm usally comming down . I'm not sure what to do. I upset everyone around me. They all say I don't put effort in anything. But I do! I try so hard to keep people happy. But yet someone's getting upset , And I hate that.. it's 12am I'm going to sleep I work in the mornings ♥️",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,taking drugs is affecting people around you,,True,220 ejvzbg,Left detox early - suggestions?,0,help-seeking,1,"I just left detox early on the second day. I was there Dec. 31st-Jan. 2nd. They offer Suboxone but I can't take that because the stuff is pure fent and puts me into precipitated withdrawal. I'm not a fan of methadone. I waited 60 days to go to that detox now I'm screwed. There's another detox close by aparently that's free and give you Subutex instead of Suboxone but idk what the difference is or if it would help me detox. Lastly if I decide to try to detox at home for the 100th time I have Flexeril, Clonidine, THC/CBD and a few klonidine I didn't wanna still be using once 2020 rolled around and I don't wanna give another year to using so any input is appreciated, thanks!",FallSevenTimes,2,0,21,2020-01-04 12:15:36,OpiatesRecovery,"I just left detox early on the second day. I was there Dec. 31st-Jan. 2nd. They offer Suboxone but I can't take that because the stuff is pure fent and puts me into precipitated withdrawal. I'm not a fan of methadone. I waited 60 days to go to that detox now I'm screwed. There's another detox close by aparently that's free and give you Subutex instead of Suboxone but idk what the difference is or if it would help me detox. Lastly if I decide to try to detox at home for the 100th time I have Flexeril, Clonidine, THC/CBD and a few klonidine I didn't wanna still be using once 2020 rolled around and I don't wanna give another year to using so any input is appreciated, thanks!",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,being out of detox early,,,,True,202 ek3htp,Anyone else?,1a,survey,1,"Does anyone else feel like their PTSD just fucks everything up around them? For example, maintaining healthy relationships...",xSlumberWolfx,11,0,4,2020-01-04 22:19:53,ptsd,"Does anyone else feel like their PTSD just fucks everything up around them? For example, maintaining healthy relationships...",1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what caused your PTSD,How did X make you feel?,your PTSD,What do you need help with now that X?,PTSD is ruining your relationships,,True,100 fgste8,how much do people ruminate/zone out/blank?,1a,help-seeking,1,"I'm trying my best to keep busy but I find myself continually being drawn back to ruminating. even if things go right, im dwelling and analysing on them and making things more difficult for myself. I find it super hard to concentrate on my schoolwork and find myself just zoning out and staring at the wall. I procrastinate, not by watching netflix/video games etc but literally just ... sitting there blankly or scrolling through the YouTube/reddit homepage, having no desire to actually click on or even do anything. everything feels like an effort. am I just lazy and doing nothing just a habit that I just need to break? or is it something else? It feels like a compulsion, I have to be drawn into my thoughts and feel paralysed/do nothing. After pushing myself out of my comfort zone today socially, I literally spent 2 hours just drinking a coke and sitting doing nothing to process what I just did. is that.. normal? I felt like I needed that to recover lol. I don't get what purpose it serves and its driving me nuts. the only thing I want to do is sit around and ruminate to the point that DOING stuff just feels physically painful and exhausting. I need to take care of myself and get this under control. my life is boring and nothing feels meaningful and I think my inability to fully care about doing stuff and being really immersed in an activity is why, but I feel such intense resistance to doing anything... I hope this makes sense. :(",impatheticaf,1,0,2,2020-03-11 06:30:12,getting_over_it,"I'm trying my best to keep busy but I find myself continually being drawn back to ruminating. even if things go right, im dwelling and analysing on them and making things more difficult for myself. I find it super hard to concentrate on my schoolwork and find myself just zoning out and staring at the wall. I procrastinate, not by watching netflix/video games etc but literally just ... sitting there blankly or scrolling through the YouTube/reddit homepage, having no desire to actually click on or even do anything. everything feels like an effort. am I just lazy and doing nothing just a habit that I just need to break? or is it something else? It feels like a compulsion, I have to be drawn into my thoughts and feel paralysed/do nothing. After pushing myself out of my comfort zone today socially, I literally spent 2 hours just drinking a coke and sitting doing nothing to process what I just did. is that.. normal? I felt like I needed that to recover lol. I don't get what purpose it serves and its driving me nuts. the only thing I want to do is sit around and ruminate to the point that DOING stuff just feels physically painful and exhausting. I need to take care of myself and get this under control. my life is boring and nothing feels meaningful and I think my inability to fully care about doing stuff and being really immersed in an activity is why, but I feel such intense resistance to doing anything... I hope this makes sense. :(",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eil1qt,Cancer? Hernia? Am I going to die?,1a,rant,1,"I (20F) have been feeling super cold the past few days. Shaky. Weak. Jittery. Appetite has been fluctuating. Sore / tense stomach. Feels like there’s a painful lump. I don’t know if push ups do this but my boyfriend was trying to see how many I could do last night (lol), and maybe that’s why my stomach is sore today but I was feeling my sides and when I pushed down it hurt and like there was a lump. Eating makes my gut feel weird too. I’m honestly so scared right now. Why does this have to happen on the night I thought it wouldn’t? I was trying to be positive and my anxiety has been pretty good for the past week. Anyway, Happy New Year guys. If you’re struggling, just try to think about those moments of peace. Shut your eyes. Let your mind wander to your happy place while you rest. ❤️",pretzelmunch,1,0,1,2020-01-01 17:40:53,Anxiety,"I (20F) have been feeling super cold the past few days. Shaky. Weak. Jittery. Appetite has been fluctuating. Sore / tense stomach. Feels like there’s a painful lump. I don’t know if push ups do this but my boyfriend was trying to see how many I could do last night (lol), and maybe that’s why my stomach is sore today but I was feeling my sides and when I pushed down it hurt and like there was a lump. Eating makes my gut feel weird too. I’m honestly so scared right now. Why does this have to happen on the night I thought it wouldn’t? I was trying to be positive and my anxiety has been pretty good for the past week. Anyway, Happy New Year guys. If you’re struggling, just try to think about those moments of peace. Shut your eyes. Let your mind wander to your happy place while you rest. ❤️",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you have a sore stomach,,True,220 esljmp,My boyfriend(24) and I(26) got physical..long story short he held me down pysically for 30 mins so I can’t do anything and I hit him first to get out of his arms. Yes I hit him first...,1a,help-seeking,2,"TL;DR AT BOTTOM First of all, english is my second language.. please understand I and my boyfiend was fighting because he broke my permission. I didn’t let him look through my photos on my phone And I explained why. It’s because I have so many pictures of me .. and some of them can be embarrassing to show someone.. and some screenshots that I took when I was learning english can be embarassing as well ..(I know it’s not something embarrasing but for me it can be) But he looked through while I was taking a shower. And I didn’t know that there was some pictures of my ex. But yes.. there were.. I deleted most of them. But I’ve used my phone for like three years, I have too many pictures of anything.. my puppy, my famlily, myself, my friends, random memes,,and so on So, I couldn’t delet every picture of my ex I mean I thought I did.. everytime I found pictures of him, I deleted right away. But he found some. It was picture in june, 2018 .. I said sorry and I didn’t know there was that pic. But he kept asking why there was that pic over and over. I already answered and got mad because he broke my permission. And english is my second language so I can’t speak english when I’m mad.. my brain doesn’t work properly for english So I told him I already answered and I don’t understand why you broke my permission, and I’m upset so I can’t talk right now. But he forced me to talk physically holding me down for 30mins( because he wants to talk about it and make up right away. I understand that) It made me so frustrated and I just wanted to get out of his arms (he holding me down hurts me and it got me bruise on my wrists) So I said stop more than like 100 times.. After all.. yes I hit him first.. just to get out of his arms And he hit me back too.. after he hit my head so hard , it ended I’m too sad right now. What can make us better..? Or is it just hopeless..? Am I really the abuser? If so I’ll just say sorry to him. TL;DR: he saw my phone while I was taking a shower. And he found some pics of my ex. (I thought I deleted them all I swear) so we fought . And he held me down for like 30mins. And “I hit him first”",5477wwsjJ,1,0,6,2020-01-23 01:08:10,domesticviolence,"TL;DR AT BOTTOM First of all, english is my second language.. please understand I and my boyfiend was fighting because he broke my permission. I didn’t let him look through my photos on my phone And I explained why. It’s because I have so many pictures of me .. and some of them can be embarrassing to show someone.. and some screenshots that I took when I was learning english can be embarassing as well ..(I know it’s not something embarrasing but for me it can be) But he looked through while I was taking a shower. And I didn’t know that there was some pictures of my ex. But yes.. there were.. I deleted most of them. But I’ve used my phone for like three years, I have too many pictures of anything.. my puppy, my famlily, myself, my friends, random memes,,and so on So, I couldn’t delet every picture of my ex I mean I thought I did.. everytime I found pictures of him, I deleted right away. But he found some. It was picture in june, 2018 .. I said sorry and I didn’t know there was that pic. But he kept asking why there was that pic over and over. I already answered and got mad because he broke my permission. And english is my second language so I can’t speak english when I’m mad.. my brain doesn’t work properly for english So I told him I already answered and I don’t understand why you broke my permission, and I’m upset so I can’t talk right now. But he forced me to talk physically holding me down for 30mins( because he wants to talk about it and make up right away. I understand that) It made me so frustrated and I just wanted to get out of his arms (he holding me down hurts me and it got me bruise on my wrists) So I said stop more than like 100 times.. After all.. yes I hit him first.. just to get out of his arms And he hit me back too.. after he hit my head so hard , it ended I’m too sad right now. What can make us better..? Or is it just hopeless..? Am I really the abuser? If so I’ll just say sorry to him. TL;DR: he saw my phone while I was taking a shower. And he found some pics of my ex. (I thought I deleted them all I swear) so we fought . And he held me down for like 30mins. And “I hit him first”",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eoj8mx,Just lost in a sprial,1a,rant,1,"Yeah Im back at my parents after a binge. Crying. Addicted to benzos and other poly drug use. Im a. Fuck up.",Lonestarrepublican1,1,0,5,2020-01-14 09:49:36,addiction,Yeah Im back at my parents after a binge. Crying. Addicted to benzos and other poly drug use. Im a. Fuck up.,1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what made you cry,How did X make you feel?,taking drugs,What do you need help with now that X?,you are addicted to drugs,,True,100 ejiiez,I am free!!!!,0,chitchat,1,"After 8 years of emotional and physical abuse, I am free! I was terrified to even think about leaving, but 1200 miles away, I did it. He no longer can control me, he no longer can manipulate me! I'm in bliss rn besides having less than 6 hrs of sleep in the last 48 hours!",adb71811,44,1,25,2020-01-03 17:22:36,domesticviolence,"After 8 years of emotional and physical abuse, I am free! I was terrified to even think about leaving, but 1200 miles away, I did it. He no longer can control me, he no longer can manipulate me! I'm in bliss rn besides having less than 6 hrs of sleep in the last 48 hours!",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ei9bfe,Overwatch,0,chitchat,1,"For anyone who's also spending NYE alone tonight, I will be playing Overwatch to distract myself from this weight on my chest. For anyone who happens to play casually and also want to spend it with someone, you are welcome to join me.",SkyNeedsHealing,1,0,2,2019-12-31 21:44:12,depression,"For anyone who's also spending NYE alone tonight, I will be playing Overwatch to distract myself from this weight on my chest. For anyone who happens to play casually and also want to spend it with someone, you are welcome to join me.",1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you are alone,How did X make you feel?,being alone,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel lonely and want company,,True,100 eje4l3,Trauma and BPD,1b,help-seeking,2,"I have formed a hypothesis that I am suffering from some form of trauma regarding my FP. We’ve been taking a break and have been best friends for 7 years, we both know my attachment has been bad during this time and she wants me to get help so there can be any form of friendship moving forward, and I agree with her, so I’ve been giving her space for many months as I seek therapy and work on myself. Im on winter break and am suffering through this right now- I’m not sure if this is a type of trauma, but I am scared shitless of running into her. I thought I saw her when I was at dinner with friends and left the restaurant due to an anxiety attack. I don’t leave my house some days because I don’t want to bump into her. It’s giving me consistent anxiety and nightmares, and I’m not sure why. She is not mean or vindictive (if she saw me she would be nice most likely) and we took our break with her ultimately wanting me to get help. We had issues maybe 4-5 years ago where she did not want to hang out with me in person because of friend drama and for some reason it left a brutal impact on me, because I was always scared to bump into her and always avoided her out of fear. She has since apologized and moved on, but I feel like I never moved past this problem of being scared and frightened by her presence and viewing someone who cared for me in a negative light. I do not blame her for me going through this trauma by the way- indirectly she caused it, but she apologized, it is in the past, and is something wrong with me that I need to work on and is nothing she can fix at this point. I know people associate trauma with something on a larger scale- deaths, accidents, serving in the military, etc, which are all very, very harming of course. But my question is, as BPD (or anyone really) can trauma be something on a much smaller scale, such as my problem? Is it just part of the process of scaling down my attachment and I’m overthinking it?",johnjimmyjoe,2,0,5,2020-01-03 11:20:29,BPD,"I have formed a hypothesis that I am suffering from some form of trauma regarding my FP. We’ve been taking a break and have been best friends for 7 years, we both know my attachment has been bad during this time and she wants me to get help so there can be any form of friendship moving forward, and I agree with her, so I’ve been giving her space for many months as I seek therapy and work on myself. Im on winter break and am suffering through this right now- I’m not sure if this is a type of trauma, but I am scared shitless of running into her. I thought I saw her when I was at dinner with friends and left the restaurant due to an anxiety attack. I don’t leave my house some days because I don’t want to bump into her. It’s giving me consistent anxiety and nightmares, and I’m not sure why. She is not mean or vindictive (if she saw me she would be nice most likely) and we took our break with her ultimately wanting me to get help. We had issues maybe 4-5 years ago where she did not want to hang out with me in person because of friend drama and for some reason it left a brutal impact on me, because I was always scared to bump into her and always avoided her out of fear. She has since apologized and moved on, but I feel like I never moved past this problem of being scared and frightened by her presence and viewing someone who cared for me in a negative light. I do not blame her for me going through this trauma by the way- indirectly she caused it, but she apologized, it is in the past, and is something wrong with me that I need to work on and is nothing she can fix at this point. I know people associate trauma with something on a larger scale- deaths, accidents, serving in the military, etc, which are all very, very harming of course. But my question is, as BPD (or anyone really) can trauma be something on a much smaller scale, such as my problem? Is it just part of the process of scaling down my attachment and I’m overthinking it?",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 em9poo,44 Days Sober,1a,chitchat,2,"On the 27th of November (my birthday) last fall I showed up at my parents house hopeless, nervous, ashamed, heartbroken. I had quit my job the week before after getting kicked out the third time in three years by my wife. I spent the ensuing week in a drunken stupor off Central in Albuquerque, NM. Sometime during that drunken stupor I realized this wasn’t me, so I decided to come back to Michigan to spend time with my family. During the drive up the only thing that kept me from not stopping and further drinking my sorrows away was listening to testimonials on youtube from recovering alcoholics. When I got to Michigan I started going to AA meetings and earnestly began trying to learn about this twelve step program and the fellowship. I am grateful I walked through those doors. I am grateful for the fellowship, I am grateful for reconnecting with my HP and I am grateful for my sobriety. I have a long way to go in the way of making amends and clearing the wreckage of my past but i’m taking it one day at a time and will continue working the steps. I feel I am being given a second chance at life and restoring my relationship with my children. I’m looking forward to a future of sobriety and where it will take me. God bless everyone have a good day and keep up the good work.",near_to_water,1,0,25,2020-01-09 13:35:27,alcoholicsanonymous,"On the 27th of November (my birthday) last fall I showed up at my parents house hopeless, nervous, ashamed, heartbroken. I had quit my job the week before after getting kicked out the third time in three years by my wife. I spent the ensuing week in a drunken stupor off Central in Albuquerque, NM. Sometime during that drunken stupor I realized this wasn’t me, so I decided to come back to Michigan to spend time with my family. During the drive up the only thing that kept me from not stopping and further drinking my sorrows away was listening to testimonials on youtube from recovering alcoholics. When I got to Michigan I started going to AA meetings and earnestly began trying to learn about this twelve step program and the fellowship. I am grateful I walked through those doors. I am grateful for the fellowship, I am grateful for reconnecting with my HP and I am grateful for my sobriety. I have a long way to go in the way of making amends and clearing the wreckage of my past but i’m taking it one day at a time and will continue working the steps. I feel I am being given a second chance at life and restoring my relationship with my children. I’m looking forward to a future of sobriety and where it will take me. God bless everyone have a good day and keep up the good work.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 f2h4yu,Someone needs to harness train the dog.,1b,rant,1,"It pisses me off when my parents try to put the harness on the dog. They force it on him. Every article I read says that's a bad idea. The dog growling should tell them that it's a bad idea, but they keep doing it the same DAMN way. I keep telling them that they need to train him. I know I could do it, but I am unemployed. I've been trying to fix that. Honestly, I haven't been doing much, and I am very ashamed of myself. I've been dealing with depression. But YES, I should be helping with the dog. So every time they try to put the harness on, I get emotional. I'm angry that they don't do there research. It's a reminder of how stubborn they are. Also, I am disappointed in myself for not organizing my life and helping them with the training.",the_vent,1,0,2,2020-02-11 23:20:04,Anger,"It pisses me off when my parents try to put the harness on the dog. They force it on him. Every article I read says that's a bad idea. The dog growling should tell them that it's a bad idea, but they keep doing it the same DAMN way. I keep telling them that they need to train him. I know I could do it, but I am unemployed. I've been trying to fix that. Honestly, I haven't been doing much, and I am very ashamed of myself. I've been dealing with depression. But YES, I should be helping with the dog. So every time they try to put the harness on, I get emotional. I'm angry that they don't do there research. It's a reminder of how stubborn they are. Also, I am disappointed in myself for not organizing my life and helping them with the training.",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel upset about your parents forcing the harness on the dog,,True,220 f7nrmr,I just broke my phone,0,rant,1,"I didnt mean to it just ive abused this phone before and it never broke but today i just absolutely shattered the screen when i hit it against my leg something wasnt loading and i was angry for like two hours so i hit it with my leg and now if i take the case off the glass will fall of the screen... Dammit",SelmHollow,1,0,4,2020-02-22 04:48:09,Anger,I didnt mean to it just ive abused this phone before and it never broke but today i just absolutely shattered the screen when i hit it against my leg something wasnt loading and i was angry for like two hours so i hit it with my leg and now if i take the case off the glass will fall of the screen... Dammit,2,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,the breaking the phone,What do you need help with now that X?,your phone is broken,,True,200 eipzie,Just got diagnosed,0,help-seeking,1,"I ended my 2019 crying in a therapist’s office and getting diagnosed with cPTSD after being raised in an emotionally abusive / narcissistic household. I am currently at a loss. I’m looking for therapists in my area but none have called back. I have no clue what this diagnosis really means. I guess 2020 will be all about healing but this is truly not where I expected life to go. This year I’ll probably be dropping out of college and moving to a cheaper town so I can try and build a life for myself. I probably won’t be speaking to multiple family members anymore and never coming back to my hometown. So there’s lots of change and things up in the air. I guess this is a rant or something but any sort of advice/ encouragement would be appreciated because I’ve got no clue really where to go from here.",mvtaphor,1,0,4,2020-01-01 23:57:48,ptsd,I ended my 2019 crying in a therapist’s office and getting diagnosed with cPTSD after being raised in an emotionally abusive / narcissistic household. I am currently at a loss. I’m looking for therapists in my area but none have called back. I have no clue what this diagnosis really means. I guess 2020 will be all about healing but this is truly not where I expected life to go. This year I’ll probably be dropping out of college and moving to a cheaper town so I can try and build a life for myself. I probably won’t be speaking to multiple family members anymore and never coming back to my hometown. So there’s lots of change and things up in the air. I guess this is a rant or something but any sort of advice/ encouragement would be appreciated because I’ve got no clue really where to go from here.,2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,getting diagnosed with cPTSD,,,,True,202 etz7ib,How do I learn to love myself?,1a,help-seeking,2,"I've struggled with extremely low self worth for most of my life. It's affected my marriage tremendously causing arguments over petty jealousy. I have days when I do feel good about myself, but if my husband makes a female friend, I instantly think something will happen from it. He's never cheated and has proven his love for me over and over and yet, I fear being abandoned because I'm just not good enough. It's not his job to keep reassuring me and I need to step up and take responsibility for my own self love. I've known I've had to do this for 5 years and yet I'm still stuck in the same spot. I read inspirational things, work out, but I have perfectionist tendencies and I focus on my faults so much that they become my identity. My husband is the most happy go lucky guy out there and I feel that I drag him down with my baggage. I feel that I'm not worthy of him or the life I have. I want so badly to love myself. I want to stop hurting myself. I say terrible terrible things to myself in my head and sometimes out loud ""why are you so stupid?"" ""why can't you get it right?"" ""you're a fucking cunt"".. I legit say these things. Over the last fews years I've started to hit myself across the face and head. If my SO and I are fighting or I'm just feeling overwhelmed, I'll go to another room and fucking beat my face. It's like a surge of electricity is flowing through me and I need to take it out on something and instead of damaging property or hurting my SO (which I have regrettably slapped him before) I hit myself, I shame myself. I want to stop. I NEED to stop. How do you feel worthy of being loved? How do you love yourself?",catsplantsandanxiety,1,0,18,2020-01-26 00:23:27,selfhelp,"I've struggled with extremely low self worth for most of my life. It's affected my marriage tremendously causing arguments over petty jealousy. I have days when I do feel good about myself, but if my husband makes a female friend, I instantly think something will happen from it. He's never cheated and has proven his love for me over and over and yet, I fear being abandoned because I'm just not good enough. It's not his job to keep reassuring me and I need to step up and take responsibility for my own self love. I've known I've had to do this for 5 years and yet I'm still stuck in the same spot. I read inspirational things, work out, but I have perfectionist tendencies and I focus on my faults so much that they become my identity. My husband is the most happy go lucky guy out there and I feel that I drag him down with my baggage. I feel that I'm not worthy of him or the life I have. I want so badly to love myself. I want to stop hurting myself. I say terrible terrible things to myself in my head and sometimes out loud ""why are you so stupid?"" ""why can't you get it right?"" ""you're a fucking cunt"".. I legit say these things. Over the last fews years I've started to hit myself across the face and head. If my SO and I are fighting or I'm just feeling overwhelmed, I'll go to another room and fucking beat my face. It's like a surge of electricity is flowing through me and I need to take it out on something and instead of damaging property or hurting my SO (which I have regrettably slapped him before) I hit myself, I shame myself. I want to stop. I NEED to stop. How do you feel worthy of being loved? How do you love yourself?",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 em4q5h,"Help: I was emotionally bullied in college by ""friends"" and I don't know if it can cause PTSD.",1b,help-seeking,1,"I was emotionally bullied like she belittled me, looked at me like she was going to kill me, isolated me from the rest of the group and made them believe that I was a bad person, She told me that I could never be forgiven after we had a fight even after I apologized so many times to her, She refused and called me a liar. She told me that she has written my name in her diary and she would ruin the person whose name is written in it (She has powerful source in her family). She is a good manipulator... I feel like shit for even saying horrible things about her. But al that happened in class and I have depression and anxiety on top of that. I have a fear of going to classes or even entering the building because it reminds me of those events. Could you please share if you have had similar things happen to you?",rebu_rebu,1,0,2,2020-01-09 04:40:22,ptsd,"Help: I was emotionally bullied in college by ""friends"" and I don't know if it can cause PTSD. I was emotionally bullied like she belittled me, looked at me like she was going to kill me, isolated me from the rest of the group and made them believe that I was a bad person. She told me that I could never be forgiven after we had a fight even after I apologized so many times to her, She refused and called me a liar. She told me that she has written my name in her diary and she would ruin the person whose name is written in it (She has powerful source in her family). She is a good manipulator... I feel like shit for even saying horrible things about her. But al that happened in class and I have depression and anxiety on top of that. I have a fear of going to classes or even entering the building because it reminds me of those events. Could you please share if you have had similar things happen to you?",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ekfh02,I ruined my whole life with drugs. My brain is fucked and I don't want to continue living anymore. I feel so stupid and everyday makes me feel worse not better.,1a,rant,3,"Hello everyone thank you for reading my story. I am at the end of my rope and I need to get this off my chest. I smoked marijuana for a year and a half basically smoking everyday. Jan 2015 - March 2016. That was the absolute last time I touched marijuana, during this time there was a three month period where I also abused ritalin, and benzos. I was stupid and in college and everyone around me was doing it, so I got caught up in it. Jan 2015 was basically the first time I ever smoked weed and I got hooked. In march 2016 when I quit cold turkey and the months that followed were the absolute worst months of my life. I was SO anxious all the time, was having panic attacks every day, couldn't eat anything. This lasted severely for about 3 months and then started to get better. Before I started smoking weed I NEVER had any problems with anxiety, or depression. Yet here I am, 4 years later been sober for 4 years ( Absolutely 0 drugs, or alcohol) and anxiety is absolutely killing me. I have terrible health anxiety, palpitations, stomach aches and Im just generally always anxious dizzy, and feeling like a fucking idiot. I eat healthy, exercise daily, I do everything right now, but I look back on pictures of myself before I started smoking and i remember how easy going and carefree I was. I ruined my life and I don't want to live anymore. I gave myself 4 fucking years to recover. I thought who knows it will get better. BUT IT HASN'T ITS STILL TERRIBLE. The worst part about it is I am pretty successful, I made it to medical school and I am doing well here grades wise. But I cant shake the anxiety and the feeling that I am NOT who i used to be and its fucking killing me. I don't fucking know what to do anymore I just wish I could go back and never pick up that first joint. I fucking hate myself because of all this, but am trying to get into therapy soon. Can anyone PLEASE offer advice ???? Anyone had something similar happen and had something that helped? I really need some help. I cant take this anymore.",ruinedsoul99999,1,0,14,2020-01-05 16:51:09,addiction,"Hello everyone thank you for reading my story. I am at the end of my rope and I need to get this off my chest. I smoked marijuana for a year and a half basically smoking everyday. Jan 2015 - March 2016. That was the absolute last time I touched marijuana, during this time there was a three month period where I also abused ritalin, and benzos. I was stupid and in college and everyone around me was doing it, so I got caught up in it. Jan 2015 was basically the first time I ever smoked weed and I got hooked. In march 2016 when I quit cold turkey and the months that followed were the absolute worst months of my life. I was SO anxious all the time, was having panic attacks every day, couldn't eat anything. This lasted severely for about 3 months and then started to get better. Before I started smoking weed I NEVER had any problems with anxiety, or depression. Yet here I am, 4 years later been sober for 4 years ( Absolutely 0 drugs, or alcohol) and anxiety is absolutely killing me. I have terrible health anxiety, palpitations, stomach aches and Im just generally always anxious dizzy, and feeling like a fucking idiot. I eat healthy, exercise daily, I do everything right now, but I look back on pictures of myself before I started smoking and i remember how easy going and carefree I was. I ruined my life and I don't want to live anymore. I gave myself 4 fucking years to recover. I thought who knows it will get better. BUT IT HASN'T ITS STILL TERRIBLE. The worst part about it is I am pretty successful, I made it to medical school and I am doing well here grades wise. But I cant shake the anxiety and the feeling that I am NOT who i used to be and its fucking killing me. I don't fucking know what to do anymore I just wish I could go back and never pick up that first joint. I fucking hate myself because of all this, but am trying to get into therapy soon. Can anyone PLEASE offer advice ???? Anyone had something similar happen and had something that helped? I really need some help. I cant take this anymore.",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 ekwfu6,Idk how to stop,1a,help-seeking,2,"I've quit weed for the last 48 hours. I haven't smoked any tobacco or drank anything in this time as well. I usually drink on the daily and sometimes smoke tobacco with weed. Yesterday i threw up all day and still can't keep down any water today. I have been smoking weed for 6 years. I usually smoke 2 grams a day, probably 20ish bowls. I'm curious as to how long my symptoms are gonna last. Throwing up is extremely painful and i only do it when i drink or eat something. I also have been so moody(sad,mad,anxious).Does anyone have any advice for me? is it better for me to ween myself of it? If i did ween myself down would the withdrawal symptoms be easier to deal with? I am having a lot of trouble with quitting please give some strategies. Thank you",its_ariana,1,0,2,2020-01-06 16:33:51,addiction,"I've quit weed for the last 48 hours. I haven't smoked any tobacco or drank anything in this time as well. I usually drink on the daily and sometimes smoke tobacco with weed. Yesterday i threw up all day and still can't keep down any water today. I have been smoking weed for 6 years. I usually smoke 2 grams a day, probably 20ish bowls. I'm curious as to how long my symptoms are gonna last. Throwing up is extremely painful and i only do it when i drink or eat something.I also have been so moody(sad,mad,anxious).Does anyone have any advice for me? is it better for me to ween myself of it? If i did ween myself down would the withdrawal symptoms be easier to deal with? I am having a lot of trouble with quitting please give some strategies. Thank you",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 eizd4o,Jobs with bursts of high stress?,0,help-seeking,1,"Title says it all, my only idea is an emergency responder as of so far, and I do truly think this kind of job would keep me concentrated, as I hyper focus during high stress situations, what would you recommend?",BrokenMayo,1,0,8,2020-01-02 15:10:05,ADHD,"Jobs with bursts of high stress? Title says it all, my only idea is an emergency responder as of so far, and I do truly think this kind of job would keep me concentrated, as I hyper focus during high stress situations. what would you recommend?",2,0,2,,,,,,,,True,202 esiyuj,I have started to grow a seed of anger and it’s roots are growing stronger within me.,1a,rant,1,I am so angry these days I have been thinking bad thoughts. I want to harm those who have harmed me. I know this is not healthy thinking but I can’t stop feeling this way. I don’t know why I can’t be stronger. I don’t know why I can’t be happy and positive like I was before. Now I’m just filled with hatred and anger for those who’ve done and do wrong towards me.,kaylazomg,1,0,3,2020-01-22 21:58:56,Anger,I am so angry these days I have been thinking bad thoughts. I want to harm those who have harmed me. I know this is not healthy thinking but I can’t stop feeling this way. I don’t know why I can’t be stronger. I don’t know why I can’t be happy and positive like I was before. Now I’m just filled with hatred and anger for those who’ve done and do wrong towards me.,1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what makes you angry,How did X make you feel?,anger,What do you need help with now that X?,you are unhappy,,True,100 eikwny,Has anyone here ever done residency treatment?,0,survey,1,"I understand it’s can be a thing that most people don’t have access to.. I’m curious about your experience? And what a stay length looks like? Not long ago I asked about a hospital, because I am just not functioning well. I went to my therapist appointment yesterday and she asked me if I’ve ever considered residency treatment. She said even though it’s really expensive it’s a better alternative to inpatient units for what I’m experiencing. I’m doing everything “right” - I workout, I journal everyday, I advocate for my mental health at home but I am literally so lost and stuck and helpless. I can’t really wrap my brain around it but I’ve been considering it. I’d probably ..definitely have to apply for some form of financial assistance. There just happens to be one in the state I live in.",shweetpea,1,0,0,2020-01-01 17:30:06,BPD,"I understand it’s can be a thing that most people don’t have access to.. I’m curious about your experience? And what a stay length looks like? Not long ago I asked about a hospital, because I am just not functioning well. I went to my therapist appointment yesterday and she asked me if I’ve ever considered residency treatment. She said even though it’s really expensive it’s a better alternative to inpatient units for what I’m experiencing. I’m doing everything “right” - I workout, I journal everyday, I advocate for my mental health at home but I am literally so lost and stuck and helpless. I can’t really wrap my brain around it but I’ve been considering it. I’d probably ..definitely have to apply for some form of financial assistance. There just happens to be one in the state I live in.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,repeat,True,000 epmobi,Lost a cousin 10/22,1b,help-seeking,2,"Can someone please help me understand? I am a recovering alcoholic. Went to AA and have been sober 31 years. But what I am seeing with opiates is shocking to me. In the past 4 years, 4 of my adult friends have lost a child in their late teens or 20s. And now a cousin at age 28 died and I just found out yesterday. This kid was so full of life. Hunting, boating, fishing, water-skiing, wake-boarding, motorcycles, scuba diving, mountain climbing ... just balls out every day of his life. But he had trouble, too. As a teen, shoplifting, car burglaries, and possession charges. Good family. So he gets in a big fight with family one day and the police end up bringing in the swat team. They arrest him. OK, so with a good lawyer from his family he gets withheld adjudication in exchange for doing an 18 month inpatient drug program and staying out of legal trouble for 5 years. If he fails, he gets 5 years in the state pen. He completes the 18 month program and just has 3 1/2 years to stay out of trouble. One month out, busted trying to buy drugs. So he does 4 years in the state pen (but it counted as 5, don't ask me). I sent him books and money for the commissary. He gets out in Nov 2017, seems to be loving life, does a commercial diving certification, gets a job, meets a girl, has a child. And then he starts using opiates again. She cuts him off. He makes promises. On social media, he's talking about how much he's loving life and getting his life on track again. Seriously, the day before he dies. Then I guess his luck ran out. He gets more pills. ODed. Dead. WTF? How do you 4 years in the state pen for drugs and then go and use drugs? I'm sorry. This was a really great guy who just wouldn't stop making bad decisions. If anyone has any insight, please share it with me.",BillDaytona,1,0,19,2020-01-16 17:41:49,OpiatesRecovery,"Can someone please help me understand? I am a recovering alcoholic. Went to AA and have been sober 31 years. But what I am seeing with opiates is shocking to me. In the past 4 years, 4 of my adult friends have lost a child in their late teens or 20s. And now a cousin at age 28 died and I just found out yesterday. This kid was so full of life. Hunting, boating, fishing, water-skiing, wake-boarding, motorcycles, scuba diving, mountain climbing ... just balls out every day of his life. But he had trouble, too. As a teen, shoplifting, car burglaries, and possession charges. Good family. So he gets in a big fight with family one day and the police end up bringing in the swat team. They arrest him. OK, so with a good lawyer from his family he gets withheld adjudication in exchange for doing an 18 month inpatient drug program and staying out of legal trouble for 5 years. If he fails, he gets 5 years in the state pen. He completes the 18 month program and just has 3 1/2 years to stay out of trouble. One month out, busted trying to buy drugs. So he does 4 years in the state pen (but it counted as 5, don't ask me). I sent him books and money for the commissary. He gets out in Nov 2017, seems to be loving life, does a commercial diving certification, gets a job, meets a girl, has a child. And then he starts using opiates again. She cuts him off. He makes promises. On social media, he's talking about how much he's loving life and getting his life on track again. Seriously, the day before he dies. Then I guess his luck ran out. He gets more pills. ODed. Dead. WTF? How do you 4 years in the state pen for drugs and then go and use drugs? I'm sorry. This was a really great guy who just wouldn't stop making bad decisions. If anyone has any insight, please share it with me.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eili8p,Ahhhhh,0,help-seeking,2,"I know this isn't really the right place for this but I just wanted to say it or tell it to someone so some other human knows. I'd been clean from coke for like a year or so and then a month or two ago got offered at a urinal and did it. I ended up buying the rest of the bag from that fucker and held on to half a 20 for like 3 weeks before finishing it. I said that was it. It wasn't. Idk I got some twice more and yesterday for new year's eve I was spining all evening. I went and bought a fucking ball that idk what to do with now because I'm fucking broke. I'm not that broke but I also don't want to throw away 100 bucks. I went back and fourth all night and ended up not touching it and I'm happy for that. Idk why I'm even writing this. I just wanted to share and I don't really think the people around me would really hear in an understanding way if that makes sense. But that could also just be my drug brain saying that. Thats probably what it is. I hope everyone is doing good. I didn't do a bunch of blow last night so I'm say win for last night. Any advice on what to do with this ball now would be appreciated... I lurk a lot. this subs helped me a lot. I really hope your doing ok. Waking up is one more day in the fight, never give up. Thanks for reading stranger.",aanndd33,1,0,5,2020-01-01 18:16:06,OpiatesRecovery,"I know this isn't really the right place for this but I just wanted to say it or tell it to someone so some other human knows. I'd been clean from coke for like a year or so and then a month or two ago got offered at a urinal and did it. I ended up buying the rest of the bag from that fucker and held on to half a 20 for like 3 weeks before finishing it. I said that was it. It wasn't. Idk I got some twice more and yesterday for new year's eve I was spining all evening. I went and bought a fucking ball that idk what to do with now because I'm fucking broke. I'm not that broke but I also don't want to throw away 100 bucks. I went back and fourth all night and ended up not touching it and I'm happy for that. Idk why I'm even writing this. I just wanted to share and I don't really think the people around me would really hear in an understanding way if that makes sense. But that could also just be my drug brain saying that. Thats probably what it is. I hope everyone is doing good. I didn't do a bunch of blow last night so I'm say win for last night. Any advice on what to do with this ball now would be appreciated... I lurk a lot. this subs helped me a lot. I really hope your doing ok. Waking up is one more day in the fight, never give up. Thanks for reading stranger.",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,the relapse,,,,True,202 eokveb,How to stop overthinking?,0,help-seeking,1,,Zachieeee,1,0,0,2020-01-14 12:52:40,selfhelp,How to stop overthinking?,0,0,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,002 epxzoy,Obsessed With Being Better Than People?,1a,help-seeking,2,"For just about my whole life I’ve been really competitive. I’m always one to take on impossible challenges or go out to prove something to myself or others. Recently, I’ve started to notice that it might be getting unhealthy. For whatever reason I constantly feel as if I’m looked down upon and doubted by everyone around. Whether it’s true or not it’s how I feel. So I walk around places carrying hate towards these people I’ve never really interacted with, determined to be better than them at....life. In my head I’ll say to myself “One day I’ll have more money than you, I’ll travel the world, I’ll have this, I’ll have that etc”, completely creating nonexistent rivalries in my head. And it’s everyday I walk with this chip on my shoulder as if I always have to prove myself to someone... Going on, sometimes I’ll see people I know get awards or some type recognition and i physically get sick and get pissed off, wanting to be better than them. I’m sure someone might see it as jealousy and it maybe is but I truly, from the bottom of my heart want to be the greatest, more successful than anyone I know. The slightest jab or joke someone might make at me (making fun of me for whatever. Just harmless humor or teasing) I get angry wanting to make them wish they never slighted me. It’s really gotten so bad I want to literally stick it to everyone I know. All for the chance to one day stand above everyone I know and say “I’m the greatest”. I go on long walks by myself, pondering on how can I make everyone bow down to me and respect how great I am. I want to be revered, I want to be idolized, I want to be worshipped etc. All because I don’t want anyone to say that I didn’t become anything, or that I’m a loser or that I’m lesser than them. I have to be number 1 and I’ll literally give my life at the chance to be it. I might sound insane rambling like this so tell me, what’s wrong with me?",Treehouse326,1,0,2,2020-01-17 09:03:22,selfhelp,"For just about my whole life I’ve been really competitive. I’m always one to take on impossible challenges or go out to prove something to myself or others. Recently, I’ve started to notice that it might be getting unhealthy. For whatever reason I constantly feel as if I’m looked down upon and doubted by everyone around. Whether it’s true or not it’s how I feel. So I walk around places carrying hate towards these people I’ve never really interacted with, determined to be better than them at....life. In my head I’ll say to myself “One day I’ll have more money than you, I’ll travel the world, I’ll have this, I’ll have that etc”, completely creating nonexistent rivalries in my head. And it’s everyday I walk with this chip on my shoulder as if I always have to prove myself to someone... Going on, sometimes I’ll see people I know get awards or some type recognition and i physically get sick and get pissed off, wanting to be better than them. I’m sure someone might see it as jealousy and it maybe is but I truly, from the bottom of my heart want to be the greatest, more successful than anyone I know. The slightest jab or joke someone might make at me (making fun of me for whatever. Just harmless humor or teasing) I get angry wanting to make them wish they never slighted me. It’s really gotten so bad I want to literally stick it to everyone I know. All for the chance to one day stand above everyone I know and say “I’m the greatest”. I go on long walks by myself, pondering on how can I make everyone bow down to me and respect how great I am. I want to be revered, I want to be idolized, I want to be worshipped etc. All because I don’t want anyone to say that I didn’t become anything, or that I’m a loser or that I’m lesser than them. I have to be number 1 and I’ll literally give my life at the chance to be it. I might sound insane rambling like this so tell me, what’s wrong with me?",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you control your inferiority complex,,True,221 eigxlg,I can’t stop crying,1a,help-seeking,1,WHY WONT ANYONE HELP ME?,tyi-smartie,1,0,2,2020-01-01 10:18:20,sad,WHY WONT ANYONE HELP ME?,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,repeat,True,000 eigiin,"Short term ""relationships""",1a,help-seeking,2,"Fellow BPD friends, reading through the thread and also regarding my own experiences, what do you think is the reason for following: Basically a lot of romantical interactions with guys I had looked the same: I am pretty chill at the beginning, we have great conversations and have good laughs together, the guy really digs me and totally pushes in a special (not only sexual but romantical) direction. Then I begin to get attracted more, everything looks totally great. Often guys told me they didn't experience something like that with someone else before, normally aren't that cuddly, how great of a person and how pretty I am etc. Then my BPD's extreme fears of abandonement push in (+ become my FP) I really basically only live them in inside and don't tell anyone and try especially not let my over attachment on the recent ""partner"" be shown to them, I don't write too much, I don't tell them I love them that early. I have quiet BPD and most people don't recognize I struggle mentally at all. Then after a few weeks/1-2 months everything begins to break and our ways divide because he can't imagine a relationship, has an open relationship he hasn't told me off, slowly disappears etc. It is not that that always happened. I had two past relationships, both who were absolutely horrible after some time. Not only because of me, but those partners were emotionally manipulative, extremely lazy.. Has anyone experienced similiar? What do you think is the reasoning? I want to change that cycle so much.",scarinaee,1,0,2,2020-01-01 09:21:14,BPD,"Fellow BPD friends, reading through the thread and also regarding my own experiences, what do you think is the reason for following: Basically a lot of romantical interactions with guys I had looked the same: I am pretty chill at the beginning, we have great conversations and have good laughs together, the guy really digs me and totally pushes in a special (not only sexual but romantical) direction. Then I begin to get attracted more, everything looks totally great. Often guys told me they didn't experience something like that with someone else before, normally aren't that cuddly, how great of a person and how pretty I am etc. Then my BPD's extreme fears of abandonement push in (+ become my FP) I really basically only live them in inside and don't tell anyone and try especially not let my over attachment on the recent ""partner"" be shown to them, I don't write too much, I don't tell them I love them that early. I have quiet BPD and most people don't recognize I struggle mentally at all. Then after a few weeks/1-2 months everything begins to break and our ways divide because he can't imagine a relationship, has an open relationship he hasn't told me off, slowly disappears etc. It is not that that always happened. I had two past relationships, both who were absolutely horrible after some time. Not only because of me, but those partners were emotionally manipulative, extremely lazy.. Has anyone experienced similar? What do you think is the reasoning? I want to change that cycle so much.",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,those two relationships,,,,True,202 eiaua2,How to deal with a toxic parent? (LONG!),1b,help-seeking,3,"I could really use some input from an outside perspective. My mother and I have had a toxic relationship my entire life. She has never been formally diagnosed (she would never step foot in a therapist/psych’s office), but displays many classic borderline symptoms: black and white thinking, patterns of intensity and instability in interpersonal relationships, responding in a panic to any real/perceived abandonment, etc. I will add that I have diagnosed BOD and Bipolar II. For most of my life I have been my mother’s “person” - the one who she expects the most from, and punishes the most when I disagree with her for any reason. Her preferred method of punishment has always been love withdrawal. She would go weeks without acknowledging me as a child, all while praising my sister and trying to make me jealous/cause drama between me and my sister. I have always been more of the “adult” in our relationship, even as a young child. As an adult, she has gone months/years without speaking to me on multiple occasions when I have called her out for her toxic behaviors. That said, she has also been a great source of support, and has had my back on multiple occasions as well. However, it always comes with a cost. In this particular instance, my mother has written off my partner because of a massive misunderstanding between my partner and I. She refuses to be around her, and expresses great concern about how awful she is to me, etc. My partner and I have three children (one mine, two hers both from previous relationships) and we recently found out we are expecting our fourth child. I shared this news with my mother, who in addition to shunning my partner, has also refused to acknowledge my other children (my parter’s children). She seemed genuinely happy for me, and like she was considering coming around on this whole issue seeing that this relationship is permanent and important to me. She offered to buy Christmas presents for all of my kids, which I appreciated because we are broke this year, and thought she’d understand we couldn’t tell them she bought them since she still refuses to see two of them. I thought anyone would see how difficult that would be for young children to understand why they are being excluded, especially since she used to have a relationship with them prior to the misunderstanding with my partner. Man was I wrong. She blew up at me, calling me a liar because I didn’t explicitly tell them she bought the presents. She demanded I correct this and tell them, and explain that she loves them but won’t come around because my partner hurt me, and was bad to me, and she doesn’t like her now because of it... I tried to explain why saying things like that to children is completely inappropriate, and made it clear that I would not share that part with them, and asked her not to involve my child, who she still sees, in any of this adult drama. She disinvited me from Christmas at her house, and ignored me for days. When my daughter came home from visiting her, I heard her telling the other children that my mother told her to tell them she bought the presents and loves them, and that they are for everyone except my partner, etc. I immediately texted my mother to tell her how upset I was that she would use my daughter as a messenger like that, not only involving her in adult drama, but also using her as a weapon to divide my family. I told her I wasn’t comfortable allowing my daughter to spend time alone with her until I know she will stop this nonsense. She blew up at me, telling me all kinds of horrible things about me and demanding I allow her one last visit to explain that this is my fault, not hers. I have not responded to these last messages, and don’t intend to. I feel children do not need to hear negative things about their parents, and do not need to be involved in adult drama. They should have no idea any of us have negative opinions of each other, and be left to enjoy the company of those they love without pressure or guilt to chose sides. My partner is also upset, and rightfully so. I feel it is appropriate at this point to completely remove my mother from our lives, that it is in my family and children’s best interest to remove her influence. However, since I have BPD, I am not sure if this is being irrational and using black and white thinking, or if it is actually a justifiable reason to cut someone off, especially my mother. If anyone else has advice/input, or can commiserate with having a toxic parent/having to remove them from your life, I would appreciate the words of wisdom and experience. Thank you for reading this ridiculously long post!",holygucamoles,1,0,1,2019-12-31 23:47:10,BPD,"I could really use some input from an outside perspective. My mother and I have had a toxic relationship my entire life. She has never been formally diagnosed (she would never step foot in a therapist/psych’s office), but displays many classic borderline symptoms: black and white thinking, patterns of intensity and instability in interpersonal relationships, responding in a panic to any real/perceived abandonment, etc. I will add that I have diagnosed BOD and Bipolar II. For most of my life I have been my mother’s “person” - the one who she expects the most from, and punishes the most when I disagree with her for any reason. Her preferred method of punishment has always been love withdrawal. She would go weeks without acknowledging me as a child, all while praising my sister and trying to make me jealous/cause drama between me and my sister. I have always been more of the “adult” in our relationship, even as a young child. As an adult, she has gone months/years without speaking to me on multiple occasions when I have called her out for her toxic behaviors. That said, she has also been a great source of support, and has had my back on multiple occasions as well. However, it always comes with a cost. In this particular instance, my mother has written off my partner because of a massive misunderstanding between my partner and I. She refuses to be around her, and expresses great concern about how awful she is to me, etc. My partner and I have three children (one mine, two hers both from previous relationships) and we recently found out we are expecting our fourth child. I shared this news with my mother, who in addition to shunning my partner, has also refused to acknowledge my other children (my parter’s children). She seemed genuinely happy for me, and like she was considering coming around on this whole issue seeing that this relationship is permanent and important to me. She offered to buy Christmas presents for all of my kids, which I appreciated because we are broke this year, and thought she’d understand we couldn’t tell them she bought them since she still refuses to see two of them. I thought anyone would see how difficult that would be for young children to understand why they are being excluded, especially since she used to have a relationship with them prior to the misunderstanding with my partner. Man was I wrong. She blew up at me, calling me a liar because I didn’t explicitly tell them she bought the presents. She demanded I correct this and tell them, and explain that she loves them but won’t come around because my partner hurt me, and was bad to me, and she doesn’t like her now because of it... I tried to explain why saying things like that to children is completely inappropriate, and made it clear that I would not share that part with them, and asked her not to involve my child, who she still sees, in any of this adult drama. She disinvited me from Christmas at her house, and ignored me for days. When my daughter came home from visiting her, I heard her telling the other children that my mother told her to tell them she bought the presents and loves them, and that they are for everyone except my partner, etc. I immediately texted my mother to tell her how upset I was that she would use my daughter as a messenger like that, not only involving her in adult drama, but also using her as a weapon to divide my family. I told her I wasn’t comfortable allowing my daughter to spend time alone with her until I know she will stop this nonsense. She blew up at me, telling me all kinds of horrible things about me and demanding I allow her one last visit to explain that this is my fault, not hers. I have not responded to these last messages, and don’t intend to. I feel children do not need to hear negative things about their parents, and do not need to be involved in adult drama. They should have no idea any of us have negative opinions of each other, and be left to enjoy the company of those they love without pressure or guilt to chose sides. My partner is also upset, and rightfully so. I feel it is appropriate at this point to completely remove my mother from our lives, that it is in my family and children’s best interest to remove her influence. However, since I have BPD, I am not sure if this is being irrational and using black and white thinking, or if it is actually a justifiable reason to cut someone off, especially my mother. If anyone else has advice/input, or can commiserate with having a toxic parent/having to remove them from your life, I would appreciate the words of wisdom and experience. Thank you for reading this ridiculously long post!",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eiftst,Is this considered self harm?,1a,help-seeking,1,When I make a bad mistake or get really frustrated I smack my head hard a bunch of times until I get dazed. Is that considered self harm? I feel like it isn’t. Like should I tell my therapist about it?,thestarscourge,1,0,4,2020-01-01 07:51:16,selfharm,When I make a bad mistake or get really frustrated I smack my head hard a bunch of times until I get dazed. Is that considered self harm? I feel like it isn’t. Like should I tell my therapist about it?,2,1,2,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how does smacking your head make you feel,,,,True,212 ei9i6a,I'm such a fucking fraud,1a,rant,2,"All of my friends and family think I've got it so together, but I don't. My whole life feels like such a goddamn lie that I've been forced to live through. No ""achievement"" feels like my own, yet every failure is squarely on my shoulders. I couldn't do well in high school without help, I couldn't do well in college even with help, and I can't do my job at all. I know as a result of my complete lack of productivity at work I'm going to be fired soon. To be honest, I want to be fired, so these feelings I've felt for the past 10 years were valid. I've had to scrape through every expectation my parents have thrown at me, and it's finally all caught up to me. I could open up about my probably-not-even-real depression to my family and work, but that would just result in my termination sooner, and shatter the me that my family/friends think I am. My family brags about me and my job, but here I am, working late hours and still not even coming close to expectations. I routinely and silently pray every night that I won't wake up, even during my days off at christmas. Sometimes even think of freak accidents while driving, but I don't want other people to get hurt in the process. I would man up and do it myself, but if it looked like a suicide my family would be devastated. They don't deserve those feelings, it's me that's the problem. But a life lived SOLELY for the sake of others is no life to live. Fuck it, no one's going to read this anyway. Happy new year's everyone.",irl_pity_machine,1,0,0,2019-12-31 21:59:41,depression,"All of my friends and family think I've got it so together, but I don't. My whole life feels like such a goddamn lie that I've been forced to live through. No ""achievement"" feels like my own, yet every failure is squarely on my shoulders. I couldn't do well in high school without help, I couldn't do well in college even with help, and I can't do my job at all. I know as a result of my complete lack of productivity at work I'm going to be fired soon. To be honest, I want to be fired, so these feelings I've felt for the past 10 years were valid. I've had to scrape through every expectation my parents have thrown at me, and it's finally all caught up to me. I could open up about my probably-not-even-real depression to my family and work, but that would just result in my termination sooner, and shatter the me that my family/friends think I am. My family brags about me and my job, but here I am, working late hours and still not even coming close to expectations. I routinely and silently pray every night that I won't wake up, even during my days off at christmas. Sometimes even think of freak accidents while driving, but I don't want other people to get hurt in the process. I would man up and do it myself, but if it looked like a suicide my family would be devastated. They don't deserve those feelings, it's me that's the problem. But a life lived SOLELY for the sake of others is no life to live. Fuck it, no one's going to read this anyway. Happy new year's everyone.",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel you need more help than others,suicidal,True,220 eneyw7,72hrs and questions.,0,survey,1,"So I posted the other day at 24hrs and had no symptoms. I was afraid they would come strong and hard.. but at 72 hours I still don't feel anything... the only thing I'm using is lope 10mg and clonidine. 2mg to sleep. Ummmmm... I'm afraid I'm getting ahead of myself and in my head.. why aren't I miserable and ready to crawl in a hole? My habit was hydrocodone 50-70mg per day, for the past year after a long sober period. In the last few weeks, I've went a few days here and there without but I wouldn't consider it to be tapering. Anyone ever experience this? *note* I've been extremely busy with my kiddos and my dad in the hospital. Is that why? Like I'm just not focusing on it, so it doesn't exist?",raisingwildflowers2,1,0,5,2020-01-11 23:08:41,OpiatesRecovery,"So I posted the other day at 24hrs and had no symptoms. I was afraid they would come strong and hard.. but at 72 hours I still don't feel anything... the only thing I'm using is lope 10mg and clonidine. 2mg to sleep. Ummmmm... I'm afraid I'm getting ahead of myself and in my head.. why aren't I miserable and ready to crawl in a hole? My habit was hydrocodone 50-70mg per day, for the past year after a long sober period. In the last few weeks, I've went a few days here and there without but I wouldn't consider it to be tapering. Anyone ever experience this? *note* I've been extremely busy with my kiddos and my dad in the hospital. Is that why? Like I'm just not focusing on it, so it doesn't exist?",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eicler,I finally did it!,0,chitchat,1,"That’s right. The last year of hard work has finally resulted in success and I’ve finally saved up enough money so I do not have to work for the rest of the year! I think I’m going to kick off my shoes, throw my feet up, and browse reddit while in bed! Whose with me?",k1dj03y,1,0,0,2020-01-01 02:16:42,ADHD,"That’s right. The last year of hard work has finally resulted in success and I’ve finally saved up enough money so I do not have to work for the rest of the year! I think I’m going to kick off my shoes, throw my feet up, and browse reddit while in bed! Whose with me?",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eq7f80,You don't know what he does to me.,1b,help-seeking,1,"That's what my mother told me about my stepfather, she has a broken nose, she his extremly depressed and i always thought that was becaus of what he did to her. But no, she actually reveallead to me it was all a lie she just hates all men, there was nothing wrong with him she just hates him. SO i always wanted to kill my stepfather but now my anger is redirecting toward my mother. Might need help there.",Tiz0ck,1,0,7,2020-01-17 22:13:47,Anger,"That's what my mother told me about my stepfather, she has a broken nose, she his extremly depressed and i always thought that was becaus of what he did to her. But no, she actually reveallead to me it was all a lie she just hates all men, there was nothing wrong with him she just hates him. SO i always wanted to kill my stepfather but now my anger is redirecting toward my mother. Might need help there.",2,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,your mother's revelation,What do you need help with now that X?,you anger is now redirected towards your mother,,True,200 em3p8l,Free Online Writing Treatment for Sexual Distress!,0,chitchat,1,"The Sexual Psychophysiology Lab at the University of Texas at Austin is recruiting women from across the U.S. and Canada who have had unwanted, nonconsensual, or abusive sexual experiences in their childhood or adolescence to participate in a study assessing a novel treatment aimed at reducing sexual distress. Study participation is done entirely online (aside from a phone screen for eligibility) and involves completing questionnaires three times and engaging in expressive writing sessions five times over the course of three weeks. Participants are compensated $40 as a thank you for their time. If you are interested in the study, please email the Sexual Psychophysiology Lab for more information about the SEADS Study at [mestonlab@utexas.edu](mailto:mestonlab@utexas.edu).",mestonlab,1,0,4,2020-01-09 03:11:46,rapecounseling,"The Sexual Psychophysiology Lab at the University of Texas at Austin is recruiting women from across the U.S. and Canada who have had unwanted, nonconsensual, or abusive sexual experiences in their childhood or adolescence to participate in a study assessing a novel treatment aimed at reducing sexual distress. Study participation is done entirely online (aside from a phone screen for eligibility) and involves completing questionnaires three times and engaging in expressive writing sessions five times over the course of three weeks. Participants are compensated $40 as a thank you for their time. If you are interested in the study, please email the Sexual Psychophysiology Lab for more information about the SEADS Study at [mestonlab@utexas.edu](mailto:mestonlab@utexas.edu).",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ells95,PTSD or complex grieving. I still have no idea.,1b,help-seeking,2,"When I was in highschool my best friend in the world lived with me, one day after final exams we had found that he hung himself behind my house (I luckily didn't see) For years I'd have to walk past the tree every day. After that in the following years more and more of my friends would kill themselves, or die in accidents and one was murdered. It was so bad that they were looking into a possible suicide pact (of course it wasn't, this was just a knee-jerk reaction to an alarming amount of suicides) If i can recall and remember everyone that would be about 10 friends and a few acquaintances and even more people I knew of, but didn't know well in the span of 8 years who had died. Recently, a few months ago, my OTHER best friend in the entire world killed himself (he was pretty much my last friend from high school). I'm in canada so it's extremely hard for me to get officially diagnosed. I've tried for years. But the councilors seem to think it's possible I have ptsd. **I AM NOT ASKING FOR A DIAGNOSIS**, but I just want to know, is it possible to get ptsd even though someone didn't see any of the bodies? I mean people have friends die all the time due to suicide and they don't get ptsd? As a result of all this, im very spacey, tired, I sleep forever, I'm dizzy, anxious, depersonalized, I don't enjoy the things I used to anymore, I used to be so excited and extroverted, now i'm really quiet and monotone. Are those symptoms of PTSD? Because to me that sounds like depression. But I don't know enough about PTSD, so i'm also curious on other peoples experiences with symptoms if they're similar.",jayocaine2,1,0,0,2020-01-08 02:00:45,ptsd,"When I was in highschool my best friend in the world lived with me, one day after final exams we had found that he hung himself behind my house (I luckily didn't see) For years I'd have to walk past the tree every day. After that in the following years more and more of my friends would kill themselves, or die in accidents and one was murdered. It was so bad that they were looking into a possible suicide pact (of course it wasn't, this was just a knee-jerk reaction to an alarming amount of suicides) If i can recall and remember everyone that would be about 10 friends and a few acquaintances and even more people I knew of, but didn't know well in the span of 8 years who had died. Recently, a few months ago, my OTHER best friend in the entire world killed himself (he was pretty much my last friend from high school). I'm in canada so it's extremely hard for me to get officially diagnosed. I've tried for years. But the councilors seem to think it's possible I have ptsd. **I AM NOT ASKING FOR A DIAGNOSIS**, but I just want to know, is it possible to get ptsd even though someone didn't see any of the bodies? I mean people have friends die all the time due to suicide and they don't get ptsd? As a result of all this, im very spacey, tired, I sleep forever, I'm dizzy, anxious, depersonalized, I don't enjoy the things I used to anymore, I used to be so excited and extroverted, now i'm really quiet and monotone. Are those symptoms of PTSD? Because to me that sounds like depression. But I don't know enough about PTSD, so i'm also curious on other peoples experiences with symptoms if they're similar.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ekhvn7,how do i deal with the upcoming 1 year “anniversary” of an event that mentally ruined me,1a,help-seeking,1,"hi, i just want to begin with stating, i don’t want to mention any of the events that caused it in the post itself, mainly in fear it wont be taken seriously in about a week it’s going to be 1 year “anniversary” , and i feel like I’m reliving everything that happened over and over again, i’m typing this unable to sleep with the events replaying in my head, and the grown fear of it happening again is only becoming stronger and stronger and i cant take it, can someone please help me with anything that could help these feelings go away, just for even the shortest time :(",trvent17,1,0,2,2020-01-05 19:40:34,ptsd,"hi, i just want to begin with stating, i don’t want to mention any of the events that caused it in the post itself, mainly in fear it wont be taken seriously in about a week it’s going to be 1 year “anniversary” . and i feel like I’m reliving everything that happened over and over again. i’m typing this unable to sleep with the events replaying in my head, and the grown fear of it happening again is only becoming stronger and stronger and i cant take it. can someone please help me with anything that could help these feelings go away, just for even the shortest time :(",1,2,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,the 1 year anniversary of the event,,,,,,True,122 ei8erf,"Worried that I might go crazy, anyone else experience these thoughts?",1a,survey,1,"I’ve got pretty bad anxiety and have been dealing with intrusive thoughts and learning to accept. My anxiety is at an all time high but that’s the purpose so that I can get used to it. However, I recently had a dream that I was in a zombie apocalypse and I woke up panicking and my heart was racing. It felt so real to me and it took me a while(1-2 min) to realize I wasn’t dreaming anymore. Now I have this stupid thought that I’m gonna go crazy and think that we actually are in a zombie apocalypse and that’s making me worry a lot. It sounds really dumb but whenever I’m anxious this idea sounds 100% logical, the idea of me going crazy and all that. When I’m in a calm state I realize how stupid this sounds but I’m anxious around 90% of the day.",shoga29,1,0,0,2019-12-31 20:32:21,Anxiety,"I’ve got pretty bad anxiety and have been dealing with intrusive thoughts and learning to accept. My anxiety is at an all time high but that’s the purpose so that I can get used to it. However, I recently had a dream that I was in a zombie apocalypse and I woke up panicking and my heart was racing. It felt so real to me and it took me a while(1-2 min) to realize I wasn’t dreaming anymore. Now I have this stupid thought that I’m gonna go crazy and think that we actually are in a zombie apocalypse and that’s making me worry a lot. It sounds really dumb but whenever I’m anxious this idea sounds 100% logical, the idea of me going crazy and all that. When I’m in a calm state I realize how stupid this sounds but I’m anxious around 90% of the day.",2,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,the intrusive thoughts,What do you need help with now that X?,intrusive thoughts are making you anxious,,True,200 einsy4,Anxiety or worse depression,1a,help-seeking,1,"I am male I'm 19 with anxiety disorder and ocd. I have been 3 days off of my tamiflu that I just finished for my influenza, in these past 3 days I've been waking up with what seems like panic attacks I feel scared like I'm gonna die and like it's the end of the world and it's only happening at 5 in the morning waking me out of my sleep and I dont understand what is wrong, then through the day I feel alot more in a negitive mindset like I feel I could panic at any time, more like a depressed state of mind, I need help",xxblakemyersxx,1,0,0,2020-01-01 21:07:27,Anxiety,"I am male I'm 19 with anxiety disorder and ocd. I have been 3 days off of my tamiflu that I just finished for my influenza. in these past 3 days I've been waking up with what seems like panic attacks I feel scared like I'm gonna die and like it's the end of the world and it's only happening at 5 in the morning waking me out of my sleep. and I dont understand what is wrong, then through the day I feel alot more in a negitive mindset like I feel I could panic at any time, more like a depressed state of mind. I need help.",2,2,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you deal with the negative thoughts,,True,221 eoh5b2,Controlled anger can weaponize thoughts and insights with maturity.,0,chitchat,1,"Anger doesn't have to control you as long as you can understand and externalize it intelligently. Passion and emotion is understood more often than reason. If you can reason passionately, you can reach the hearts and minds of many.",Overpriced_Tryst,1,0,8,2020-01-14 05:49:47,Anger,"Anger doesn't have to control you as long as you can understand and externalize it intelligently. Passion and emotion is understood more often than reason. If you can reason passionately, you can reach the hearts and minds of many.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ek4n2a,"Would you feel a certain way if you asked someone to hang out, but didnt get a reply?",0,survey,1,"A guy gave me his phone number after we had a conversation in class and we texted a couple of times, and I asked him if he wanted to hang out, but never got a reply for weeks. Why would this guy give me his phone number, but wouldn't hang out? He's someone I met at school. Just to be clear, I'm a guy who is straight and was trying to develop a friendship.",sanandreas818,4,0,7,2020-01-04 23:46:19,socialanxiety,"A guy gave me his phone number after we had a conversation in class and we texted a couple of times, and I asked him if he wanted to hang out, but never got a reply for weeks. Why would this guy give me his phone number, but wouldn't hang out? He's someone I met at school. Just to be clear, I'm a guy who is straight and was trying to develop a friendship.",2,0,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,the guy's ghosting you,,,,True,202 erf20i,How can I help heal from the abuse I put my boyfriend through?,1a,help-seeking,1,"Hi everyone. This is going to be rough but I need advice badly. I am a 22F dating a 19M. We have been dating for two years now. Our relationship has always been rocky and its because of me most of the time. I cheated on him more times than I can remember. I punched him in the mouth so badly that he needed to have oral surgery. And I kicked him in the testicles so hard he had to go to the ER and they almost removed a testicle. Since then, I have gotten sober from methamphetamine and dedicated my life to helping others who have survived domestic abuse. What I am struggling with is how to I heal from all this? I am left with so much guilt over what happened that it cripples me on a daily basis. Seeing how my boyfriend has stuck with me all this time and forgives me for everything is incredible, but I feel so guilty over what I did to him. I'm currently in therapy and my therapist suggests that my boyfriend join our sessions, but my boyfriend says he is ""okay"" and doesn't need to go. I have offered to pay but he still refuses. He does have his own therapist, but his therapist does not do couples sessions. Are there any other former abusers who can maybe share their experiences? Thanks everyone <3",martajuly,1,0,0,2020-01-20 15:59:57,domesticviolence,"How can I help heal from the abuse I put my boyfriend through? Hi everyone. This is going to be rough but I need advice badly. I am a 22F dating a 19M. We have been dating for two years now. Our relationship has always been rocky and its because of me most of the time. I cheated on him more times than I can remember. I punched him in the mouth so badly that he needed to have oral surgery. And I kicked him in the testicles so hard he had to go to the ER and they almost removed a testicle. Since then, I have gotten sober from methamphetamine and dedicated my life to helping others who have survived domestic abuse. What I am struggling with is how to I heal from all this? I am left with so much guilt over what happened that it cripples me on a daily basis. Seeing how my boyfriend has stuck with me all this time and forgives me for everything is incredible, but I feel so guilty over what I did to him. I'm currently in therapy and my therapist suggests that my boyfriend join our sessions, but my boyfriend says he is ""okay"" and doesn't need to go. I have offered to pay but he still refuses. He does have his own therapist, but his therapist does not do couples sessions. Are there any other former abusers who can maybe share their experiences? Thanks everyone <3",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 er426v,Devil could be your friend,0,survey,1,"People view addiction and the devil on their shoulder as a bad thing. They're trying to suppress him.. Does it work? I think they're suffering all the time, dreaming about porn and drugs and alcohol and whatever. I think 2 things are true: 1. everything in life can be good or bad 2. It's a matter of perspective to balance them out. I feel like a lot of good things were done with the drive made possible by selfishness, jealousy etc. I think maybe more people should look at it this way. Because I hear a lot of things like ego is bad, selfishness is bad etc, but it is all a matter of perspective and how you use your knowledge of your emotions and surroundings that bind everything together..what do you think?",devacita,1,0,3,2020-01-19 23:10:37,selfhelp,"People view addiction and the devil on their shoulder as a bad thing. They're trying to suppress him.. Does it work? I think they're suffering all the time, dreaming about porn and drugs and alcohol and whatever. I think 2 things are true: 1. everything in life can be good or bad 2. It's a matter of perspective to balance them out. I feel like a lot of good things were done with the drive made possible by selfishness, jealousy etc. I think maybe more people should look at it this way. Because I hear a lot of things like ego is bad, selfishness is bad etc, but it is all a matter of perspective and how you use your knowledge of your emotions and surroundings that bind everything together..what do you think?",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 eyj69d,"The only time I’m “happy”/numb is when I smother myself in porn, internet/entertainment, video games, music and junk food. If I don’t get these things then I sometimes feel suicidal and I can’t function in the real world. This is my last post here, hoping something changes.",1a,rant,2,"This might be my last self post in awhile because I’m tired of complaining and not receiving any improvement so I’ll just state it all here in one post. Hopefully something comes of it. I felt like I was doomed in life when I was just 14 years old. When I was 14, I practically did the same things I still do at 18 (almost 19). I browse the internet for 8-14 hours per day and if I’m not doing that then I’m sleeping. I feel consumed by my depression everyday. I have no goals, no interests or hobbies. My brain doesn’t want to do anything to change it. Ever since I finished high school which was a week ago I haven’t set myself up for any long-term goals like going back to school for college/university. I’ve looked through all of the programs the school offers but nothing interests me (likely because of my depression). I don’t want to work/can’t work because it’s too hard getting out of bed and waking up on time everyday and having the motivation to maintain a job. At school, I would miss 2-4 days per week because sometimes my depression would be too intense to function and be productive. Sometimes I would force myself to go to school when I didn’t feel like it and I would feel slightly good that I was doing something with my life but at the end of the day I still had my depression lingering in the back of my head so it was still difficult to function. You guys don’t need to tell me that consuming internet, watching porn, excessively playing video games and eating junk food all day is bad for me, I already know that. But it’s come to the point where nothing else is making me “happy”/numb to the world so I comfort myself with these things. I just don’t see the point in doing anything else. Every day is just the same pain. The only times I don’t feel like I’m in a lot of emotional pain is when there is distractions such as junk food, internet, therapy, school, etc. Everything else just feels like a drag and I’m sick of living. If you gave me a shotgun I could pull the trigger or I could change my mind and feel like living the next day. It really depends on my mood. But regardless, I tell myself that I’m gonna kill myself anyways. Ever since I wanted to kill myself a year and a half ago I haven’t changed my mindset. The only reason I’m still alive is so that I can at least experience what it’s like to be intoxicated by all kinds of drugs until I OD or when my body finally gives up. If I’m still kept alive, then I just feel like I’m wasting resources and being a burden to people who care about me but I don’t care about anything. I don’t want to work. I don’t want to socialize with people. I don’t want to live. I’m tired of the ups and downs. I just want out of this earth, it just doesn’t feel worth it. But at the same time, the next day my bran will tell me that it’s worth staying here a little awhile but then I get deceived and I want to kill myself again. I just can’t deal with life anymore.",-BoB-,1,0,43,2020-02-04 02:57:04,getting_over_it,"This might be my last self post in awhile because I’m tired of complaining and not receiving any improvement so I’ll just state it all here in one post. Hopefully something comes of it. I felt like I was doomed in life when I was just 14 years old. When I was 14, I practically did the same things I still do at 18 (almost 19). I browse the internet for 8-14 hours per day and if I’m not doing that then I’m sleeping. I feel consumed by my depression everyday. I have no goals, no interests or hobbies. My brain doesn’t want to do anything to change it. Ever since I finished high school which was a week ago I haven’t set myself up for any long-term goals like going back to school for college/university. I’ve looked through all of the programs the school offers but nothing interests me (likely because of my depression). I don’t want to work/can’t work because it’s too hard getting out of bed and waking up on time everyday and having the motivation to maintain a job. At school, I would miss 2-4 days per week because sometimes my depression would be too intense to function and be productive. Sometimes I would force myself to go to school when I didn’t feel like it and I would feel slightly good that I was doing something with my life but at the end of the day I still had my depression lingering in the back of my head so it was still difficult to function. You guys don’t need to tell me that consuming internet, watching porn, excessively playing video games and eating junk food all day is bad for me, I already know that. But it’s come to the point where nothing else is making me “happy”/numb to the world so I comfort myself with these things. I just don’t see the point in doing anything else. Every day is just the same pain. The only times I don’t feel like I’m in a lot of emotional pain is when there is distractions such as junk food, internet, therapy, school, etc. Everything else just feels like a drag and I’m sick of living. If you gave me a shotgun I could pull the trigger or I could change my mind and feel like living the next day. It really depends on my mood. But regardless, I tell myself that I’m gonna kill myself anyways. Ever since I wanted to kill myself a year and a half ago I haven’t changed my mindset. The only reason I’m still alive is so that I can at least experience what it’s like to be intoxicated by all kinds of drugs until I OD or when my body finally gives up. If I’m still kept alive, then I just feel like I’m wasting resources and being a burden to people who care about me but I don’t care about anything. I don’t want to work. I don’t want to socialize with people. I don’t want to live. I’m tired of the ups and downs. I just want out of this earth, it just doesn’t feel worth it. But at the same time, the next day my bran will tell me that it’s worth staying here a little awhile but then I get deceived and I want to kill myself again. I just can’t deal with life anymore.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel numb to the world,,True,220 eikcjo,"He makes me cry often, but I don’t think it’s fault",1a,rant,1,Are his actions bad enough to make anyone cry? I don’t know. I don’t think so. I am just too sensitive. So it’s not his fault. I can’t tell him that the things he does makes me end up in tears because then he’d feel guilty and leave me. I can’t bear to let him go. So I’ll stay and suck up the pain.,dreamyyygemini,1,0,5,2020-01-01 16:46:13,BPD,"He makes me cry often, but I don’t think it’s fault Are his actions bad enough to make anyone cry? I don’t know. I don’t think so. I am just too sensitive. So it’s not his fault. I can’t tell him that the things he does makes me end up in tears because then he’d feel guilty and leave me. I can’t bear to let him go. So I’ll stay and suck up the pain.",2,1,0,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel about the things he does,What do you need help with now that X?,he makes you cry often,,True,210 ej4weq,What is being loved by someone with BPD like?,0,help-seeking,1,"I have BPD, and am actively working to get through my issues. One of the hardest to shake is the feeling that no one will ever match the intensity of the love I have for them. I feel like BPD opens you to voracious, overwhelming love. I just don't know how to stop feeling unfulfilled by love that doesn't match the love I give out, if that makes sense? Anybody else feel similarly? How did you overcome it? Is it better if you're in a relationship with someone else with BPD?",sasberrie,3,0,4,2020-01-02 21:48:24,BPD,"I have BPD, and am actively working to get through my issues. One of the hardest to shake is the feeling that no one will ever match the intensity of the love I have for them. I feel like BPD opens you to voracious, overwhelming love. I just don't know how to stop feeling unfulfilled by love that doesn't match the love I give out, if that makes sense? Anybody else feel similarly? How did you overcome it? Is it better if you're in a relationship with someone else with BPD?",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ejs6af,"We have watched the darkness erase the plain, swallow it whole and leave nothing to gain. We have lost our lives and love to this subservient being, and with it's will it forces a path.",0,chitchat,1,,DailyDoseDepression,1,0,0,2020-01-04 05:11:32,sad,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,title,True,000 f7huck,Today I started working out again,0,chitchat,1,"It wasn't much. 20 minutes of some lunges, hip bridges, abs, and a pilates video. Feeling proud of myself even though I am very fatigued today.",yoginurse26,1,0,6,2020-02-21 21:17:01,getting_over_it,"It wasn't much. 20 minutes of some lunges, hip bridges, abs, and a pilates video. Feeling proud of myself even though I am very fatigued today.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 elrhk2,Describes me and sounds like a kid made it :''(,0,chitchat,1,,i-am-sad-and-alone,1,0,0,2020-01-08 11:25:19,sad,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eio9ms,Best type of therapy for managing RSD?,0,help-seeking,1,"Hey all, I've been in eclectic therapy for a while and I just feel like my therapist and I aren't getting far. As I look for a new therapist, I was wondering what types of therapy y'all have found effective for managing the poor self worth and feelings of isolation associated with rejection sensitivity? I've read that Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is helpful for the emotional disregulation/relationship difficulties associated with BPD and I figured the principle might apply to similar RSD/ADHD issues? More generally, what strategies and therapeutic approaches have you found helpful for RSD?",nom_de_loom,1,0,3,2020-01-01 21:42:35,ADHD,"Hey all, I've been in eclectic therapy for a while and I just feel like my therapist and I aren't getting far. As I look for a new therapist, I was wondering what types of therapy y'all have found effective for managing the poor self worth and feelings of isolation associated with rejection sensitivity? I've read that Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is helpful for the emotional disregulation/relationship difficulties associated with BPD and I figured the principle might apply to similar RSD/ADHD issues? More generally, what strategies and therapeutic approaches have you found helpful for RSD?",1,0,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you have been in eclectic therapy,How did X make you feel?,the eclectic therapy,,,,True,102 enlg1m,Uh I'm trying,0,chitchat,1,Check out this track on Rap Fame https://rapfa.me/i/OdTOw63V,PervySenguy,1,0,0,2020-01-12 09:18:43,rapecounseling,Check out this track on Rap Fame https://rapfa.me/i/OdTOw63V,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 f65pb4,After 2 years it’s finally over. I’m so scared of being alone as I ended up totally dependent,1b,help-seeking,1,"He attacked me, dragged me back into the flat and attacked me more. I’m scared of being alone, I can’t sleep due to previous trauma giving me nightmares and I have no appetite and I’m scared of falling back into anorexia. I’m so scared, I’m sorry I just needed to get it out. It’s 5 AM and I’m dreading the day. Please tell me it gets easier",spanglesakura,1,0,10,2020-02-19 05:02:54,domesticviolence,"After 2 years it’s finally over. I’m so scared of being alone as I ended up totally dependent He attacked me, dragged me back into the flat and attacked me more. I’m scared of being alone, I can’t sleep due to previous trauma giving me nightmares and I have no appetite and I’m scared of falling back into anorexia. I’m so scared, I’m sorry I just needed to get it out. It’s 5 AM and I’m dreading the day. Please tell me it gets easier",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you deal with the trauma,,True,221 eo9wfh,I think I'm tricking myself into feeling better.,1a,rant,2,"I've suffered with depression for years, not the pretty kind either. I would sit in my car smoking myself dumb, then I'd go inside and play games until I passed out on my desk, only to go to work and repeat the cycle each day. It was killing me, and I didn't care because that's what I wanted. Some days I still want it. Not so much anymore, though. Lately, I don't feel all that bad. At worst I feel numb, but at best I'm happy and that's not an easy feat for me. And I think I owe it to my propensity for pushing it down and pretending to be happy. / / I'M NOT ADVOCATING THAT AT ALL, PLEASE DON'T DO THAT. / / Let me explain; For as long as I can remember, I've been acting like I'm happy so people don't ask questions. I hate the saccharine sweet wholesome bullshit people say when you tell them you're sad. ""Tomorrow will be better, you just gotta get through today."" ""There's a rainbow after the storm, just hang in there!"" ""Every cloud has a silver lining!"" It's all bullshit, and frankly kind of insulting. I know I'm being lied to -despite my appearance, I'm not stupid. So I'd just put on a happy face and try to be funny, because it made me feel good to make a joke that made people laugh. Somewhere down the line, it stopped being an act. It was just the way I was after a while. Somehow I'd managed to do what everyone says not to do; Turn it off. It's unhealthy, but I feel so good these days. So for now, I'd say it's worth it. Lemme get back to you when it comes crashing down, though.",TroubleAlwaysInbound,1,0,0,2020-01-13 20:36:47,mentalillness,"I've suffered with depression for years, not the pretty kind either. I would sit in my car smoking myself dumb, then I'd go inside and play games until I passed out on my desk, only to go to work and repeat the cycle each day. It was killing me, and I didn't care because that's what I wanted. Some days I still want it. Not so much anymore, though. Lately, I don't feel all that bad. At worst I feel numb, but at best I'm happy and that's not an easy feat for me. And I think I owe it to my propensity for pushing it down and pretending to be happy. / / I'M NOT ADVOCATING THAT AT ALL, PLEASE DON'T DO THAT. / / Let me explain; For as long as I can remember, I've been acting like I'm happy so people don't ask questions. I hate the saccharine sweet wholesome bullshit people say when you tell them you're sad. ""Tomorrow will be better, you just gotta get through today."" ""There's a rainbow after the storm, just hang in there!"" ""Every cloud has a silver lining!"" It's all bullshit, and frankly kind of insulting. I know I'm being lied to -despite my appearance, I'm not stupid. So I'd just put on a happy face and try to be funny, because it made me feel good to make a joke that made people laugh. Somewhere down the line, it stopped being an act. It was just the way I was after a while. Somehow I'd managed to do what everyone says not to do; Turn it off. It's unhealthy, but I feel so good these days. So for now, I'd say it's worth it. Lemme get back to you when it comes crashing down, though.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 esc3sw,"I triggered someone else's trauma, and now",1a,help-seeking,3,"I'm not sure if this is the right subreddit. I lurk a lot but never post. Please feel free to guide me elsewhere if I'm in the wrong place. ***TL;DR:*** *I \[28F\] slapped a guy \[32M\] with playful intent, triggered his traumas and now I'm questioning if I'm actually an abuser and if I'm misremembering past events.* **Background:** I've been in two relationships which were characterised by violence and I struggle to remember all the details clearly. I've been hit, pinned against walls, punched, kicked, had drinks poured over me and one ex tried to push me down a flight of stairs. If I'm remembering correctly, most, if not all, instances happened during verbal arguments. I know that I fought back on multiple occasions, but now I'm not sure if I was defending myself (as I remember) or if I instigated because of recent events. **Context for event:** I was on a date, we were chilling out in a hotel doing exactly what you'd expect in a hotel. When we were lying there watching TV and chatting, the guy made a joke (I can't even remember what it was to be honest) and I slapped him. The intent of my slap was a playful one, like ""what are you like? I can't believe you said that!"" and basically where I pictured it going was ""Oh, did you seriously just slap me?"" ""Yeah, what are you going to do about it? Punish me?"" as this is a tried and tested method I've used quite a lot with guys and it's always ended in like... roleplay? For want of a better word. How it actually went down was he said exactly what I was expecting, but his tone wasn't the one I was expecting, and I got a bit confused because I was hearing the words I had anticipated, but I couldn't figure out if his tone was right, or if he was genuinely angry or upset with me for doing it. So I just kind of shut down, then after a few minutes everything went back to normal, so I thought nothing more of it. I guess I thought he was just kind of taken by surprise but didn't realise he was genuinely bothered by it. I'm not very good at reading social situations. **Event:** So, we were still texting after the date, but he didn't suggest going on another one and I figured he'd just decided he wasn't interested for whatever reason. I made a joke about him checking my status/story but leaving me on read. Here's a transcript of the conversation: Me: Hahaha jokes, are you feeling any better? I was gonna ask the other day but thought you'd maybe decided to ghost hahahahah Him: The last one lol Me: Just a meme i thought was funny??? Me: Wait Me: Did you think it was directed at you or something hahahahah Him: Yeah well I wouldn't say ghosted you Him: If I'm being honest. With \[redacted\] I was in an abusive relationship and had all sorts of stuff done to me and when you slapped me over some joke I'd made was a massive red flag for me. I'm a big believer in equality and it wouldn't be right for me to ever slap you. Not that I would, but I mean f\*\*k me, what would you do if I ever did something seriously wrong? I was chatting to my mates about it and people were like yeah that's super f\*\*ked up. Me: Okay, I totally appreciate where you're coming from with that. I honestly just meant it in like a playful way, not an aggressive one or anything. I know that doesn't change how it affected you or anything. Me: I'm sorry to hear that you went through something like that and believe it or not I've been on the receiving end of physical abuse before. Honestly I'm kinda dumb af with reading situations so like when you reacted the way you did I wasn't sure if that was your sense of humour (like the deadpan kinda thing) or if you were genuinely annoyed and that's why I just kinda went quiet about it. Me: I'm really sorry for causing any painful memories or anything, it honestly was just me trying to do a kinda playful thing and not done with any malicious intent at all. But I get it and I am genuinely sorry about all of it. Me: Okay, I think my essay is done Him: You're grand Me: I should have picked up on the fact that you were actually upset about it and explained/apologised then. Me: F\*\*k I feel like such a d\*\*k for not like picking up on that. Sorry, pestering now Me: Just as idk an FYI I did have a great time that weekend. And I'm sorry again that I did something to make you feel so sh\*\*ty and made such a d\*\*k of myself by being thoughtless af with my actions. You seem really great and I hope you're able to find someone that's like, not a total idiot about things like this lmao. But I appreciate the honesty about it. Me: And again I'm so sorry Him: It's grand &#x200B; \-- **What's going on now?:** So, there a few things I'm having major anxiety about. I know that I screwed up by behaving that way and I didn't consider the impact on another person because it isn't a personal trigger or boundary of mine if the intent is clear, despite us having similar experiences. I get that I ignorantly over-stepped his boundaries, which isn't an excuse at all for how I made someone feel. I feel incredibly guilty. I don't know if I made it clear that the apology is genuine, or if I made my intent clear without delegitimizing his experiences or what he was saying or how he was feeling. I know that making someone feel that way is basically unforgivable, but I'm now also having major anxieties about fixing it. I was speaking to a friend about it and they told me I've behaved in similar ways with them and they've never interpreted it as me being angry or malicious and have always seen it for what it was, but I know that's not an excuse for how I made this guy feel. I've started wondering if ***I'm*** actually an abuser and that all the experiences I've had in my relationships have been caused by me behaving in this way and blindly hurting people (even if that wasn't my intention), and that what I've had done to me has been a retaliation or some kind of comeuppance for acting out of line and my brain wants to lock out the memories of it actually being my fault or me being the instigator. I don't remember ever hitting first, but I can be pretty nasty verbally when I'm stressed. For example, when I was pregnant my boyfriend at the time drank a lot and I told him he needed to grow up, start acting like he was going to be a father and stop being such a waste of space. I think I called him an idiot (or perhaps a swearier/nastier version) for using my money to buy ham and alcohol (vegetarian, pregnant - neither of those things were of any use to me). Being beaten and attacked has been a recurring pattern, and at some point, I need to question whether it's because I'm causing it by acting thoughtlessly. As an aside, I ended up miscarrying so there isn't a child in the equation for me. Another friend thinks I'm catastrophising the date/outcome and thinking in black and white terms because of my anxiety, but I really don't know if they're just trying to calm me down so think I need some insight from strangers. **Final questions:** Was my apology acceptable? Is there anything else I should do to apologise? I know that's the end of that brief relationship, and I don't blame him or expect any other chances - I just hate feeling like something that was intentioned so differently was interpreted in such a drastically different way and that I caused trauma for someone else. Do you think it's likely that I'm catastrophising, or is it more likely that I am the one to blame for all of the other relationship problems I've had? -> if you need more context, feel free to ask, I just feel that this post is super long already.",hystericalsalad,1,0,0,2020-01-22 13:44:19,domesticviolence,"I'm not sure if this is the right subreddit. I lurk a lot but never post. Please feel free to guide me elsewhere if I'm in the wrong place. ***TL;DR:*** *I \[28F\] slapped a guy \[32M\] with playful intent, triggered his traumas and now I'm questioning if I'm actually an abuser and if I'm misremembering past events.* **Background:** I've been in two relationships which were characterised by violence and I struggle to remember all the details clearly. I've been hit, pinned against walls, punched, kicked, had drinks poured over me and one ex tried to push me down a flight of stairs. If I'm remembering correctly, most, if not all, instances happened during verbal arguments. I know that I fought back on multiple occasions, but now I'm not sure if I was defending myself (as I remember) or if I instigated because of recent events. **Context for event:** I was on a date, we were chilling out in a hotel doing exactly what you'd expect in a hotel. When we were lying there watching TV and chatting, the guy made a joke (I can't even remember what it was to be honest) and I slapped him. The intent of my slap was a playful one, like ""what are you like? I can't believe you said that!"" and basically where I pictured it going was ""Oh, did you seriously just slap me?"" ""Yeah, what are you going to do about it? Punish me?"" as this is a tried and tested method I've used quite a lot with guys and it's always ended in like... roleplay? For want of a better word. How it actually went down was he said exactly what I was expecting, but his tone wasn't the one I was expecting, and I got a bit confused because I was hearing the words I had anticipated, but I couldn't figure out if his tone was right, or if he was genuinely angry or upset with me for doing it. So I just kind of shut down, then after a few minutes everything went back to normal, so I thought nothing more of it. I guess I thought he was just kind of taken by surprise but didn't realise he was genuinely bothered by it. I'm not very good at reading social situations. **Event:** So, we were still texting after the date, but he didn't suggest going on another one and I figured he'd just decided he wasn't interested for whatever reason. I made a joke about him checking my status/story but leaving me on read. Here's a transcript of the conversation: Me: Hahaha jokes, are you feeling any better? I was gonna ask the other day but thought you'd maybe decided to ghost hahahahah Him: The last one lol Me: Just a meme i thought was funny??? Me: Wait Me: Did you think it was directed at you or something hahahahah Him: Yeah well I wouldn't say ghosted you Him: If I'm being honest. With \[redacted\] I was in an abusive relationship and had all sorts of stuff done to me and when you slapped me over some joke I'd made was a massive red flag for me. I'm a big believer in equality and it wouldn't be right for me to ever slap you. Not that I would, but I mean f\*\*k me, what would you do if I ever did something seriously wrong? I was chatting to my mates about it and people were like yeah that's super f\*\*ked up. Me: Okay, I totally appreciate where you're coming from with that. I honestly just meant it in like a playful way, not an aggressive one or anything. I know that doesn't change how it affected you or anything. Me: I'm sorry to hear that you went through something like that and believe it or not I've been on the receiving end of physical abuse before. Honestly I'm kinda dumb af with reading situations so like when you reacted the way you did I wasn't sure if that was your sense of humour (like the deadpan kinda thing) or if you were genuinely annoyed and that's why I just kinda went quiet about it. Me: I'm really sorry for causing any painful memories or anything, it honestly was just me trying to do a kinda playful thing and not done with any malicious intent at all. But I get it and I am genuinely sorry about all of it. Me: Okay, I think my essay is done Him: You're grand Me: I should have picked up on the fact that you were actually upset about it and explained/apologised then. Me: F\*\*k I feel like such a d\*\*k for not like picking up on that. Sorry, pestering now Me: Just as idk an FYI I did have a great time that weekend. And I'm sorry again that I did something to make you feel so sh\*\*ty and made such a d\*\*k of myself by being thoughtless af with my actions. You seem really great and I hope you're able to find someone that's like, not a total idiot about things like this lmao. But I appreciate the honesty about it. Me: And again I'm so sorry Him: It's grand &#x200B; \-- **What's going on now?:** So, there a few things I'm having major anxiety about. I know that I screwed up by behaving that way and I didn't consider the impact on another person because it isn't a personal trigger or boundary of mine if the intent is clear, despite us having similar experiences. I get that I ignorantly over-stepped his boundaries, which isn't an excuse at all for how I made someone feel. I feel incredibly guilty. I don't know if I made it clear that the apology is genuine, or if I made my intent clear without delegitimizing his experiences or what he was saying or how he was feeling. I know that making someone feel that way is basically unforgivable, but I'm now also having major anxieties about fixing it. I was speaking to a friend about it and they told me I've behaved in similar ways with them and they've never interpreted it as me being angry or malicious and have always seen it for what it was, but I know that's not an excuse for how I made this guy feel. I've started wondering if ***I'm*** actually an abuser and that all the experiences I've had in my relationships have been caused by me behaving in this way and blindly hurting people (even if that wasn't my intention), and that what I've had done to me has been a retaliation or some kind of comeuppance for acting out of line and my brain wants to lock out the memories of it actually being my fault or me being the instigator. I don't remember ever hitting first, but I can be pretty nasty verbally when I'm stressed. For example, when I was pregnant my boyfriend at the time drank a lot and I told him he needed to grow up, start acting like he was going to be a father and stop being such a waste of space. I think I called him an idiot (or perhaps a swearier/nastier version) for using my money to buy ham and alcohol (vegetarian, pregnant - neither of those things were of any use to me). Being beaten and attacked has been a recurring pattern, and at some point, I need to question whether it's because I'm causing it by acting thoughtlessly. As an aside, I ended up miscarrying so there isn't a child in the equation for me. Another friend thinks I'm catastrophising the date/outcome and thinking in black and white terms because of my anxiety, but I really don't know if they're just trying to calm me down so think I need some insight from strangers. **Final questions:** Was my apology acceptable? Is there anything else I should do to apologise? I know that's the end of that brief relationship, and I don't blame him or expect any other chances - I just hate feeling like something that was intentioned so differently was interpreted in such a drastically different way and that I caused trauma for someone else. Do you think it's likely that I'm catastrophising, or is it more likely that I am the one to blame for all of the other relationship problems I've had? -> if you need more context, feel free to ask, I just feel that this post is super long already.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 emg1p2,Need to know if anyone else has any problems with this??,1a,help-seeking,1,"I know that there are other people who have ""nervous habits"". Such as pulling hair out strand by strand, chewing fingernails, or biting on their lips. I deal with something more intense, than I end up with scaring myself. I have a habit of picking at my skin until I have a hole in my skin. My family always makes a joke when I go to pop a pimple or something and they'll say something like ""get out the needle and thread"". Because I used to be so consumed by picking. I have finally got that habit under control for the most part I have the urge to do it often but refrain and try to do something else. Now I have been picking the skin on my lips and I have been doing this for long enough time that I'll do it without thinking about doing it. I just want to know if anyone else has had any similar experiences or some kind of habit that causes it to be problematic?",Bimmergirl86,1,0,12,2020-01-09 21:12:34,mentalillness,"I know that there are other people who have ""nervous habits"". Such as pulling hair out strand by strand, chewing fingernails, or biting on their lips. I deal with something more intense, than I end up with scaring myself. I have a habit of picking at my skin until I have a hole in my skin. My family always makes a joke when I go to pop a pimple or something and they'll say something like ""get out the needle and thread"". Because I used to be so consumed by picking. I have finally got that habit under control for the most part I have the urge to do it often but refrain and try to do something else. Now I have been picking the skin on my lips and I have been doing this for long enough time that I'll do it without thinking about doing it. I just want to know if anyone else has had any similar experiences or some kind of habit that causes it to be problematic?",2,0,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,your involuntary habits ,,,,True,202 eitoqy,Depression is a chronic illness,1b,rant,2,"My sister’s friend just got diagnosed with thyroid cancer at 19. She had to have her thyroid removed and will be fine, but it will be something she has to deal with for the rest of her life. She has gotten an outpouring of support from friends and family, just hundreds of people showering her with love. She has been very open with my sister and her other friends about how hard this has been for her, throwing off her life plan and setting her potentially on a difference course. I feel incredibly bad for her and recognize how horrible and life-changing this is, but I also can’t help but feel a little bit jealous. Jealous that she can be so vocal about her frustrations and her illness and receive nothing but empathy and love from absolutely everyone. I (22) developed major depression at about 19 and it completely destroyed me and my life plan. It will be something I have to deal with everyday for my rest of my life, and I will never be the same. But I don’t get to talk about it with people. While my sister’s friend is labeled strong for dealing with her cancer, I’m labeled weak for being depressed. People view her cancer as a problem she deals with while instead viewing me as a problem for having depression. Even people who are generally sympathetic and kind still think this way and it shows in small ways. Even my parents who are supportive and loving see my persistent depression as a failure on my part. I used to be beautiful, smart, and advantaged. But now I can’t sleep, I can’t think, I can’t enjoy anything, I can’t form meaningful relationships, And I see absolutely no future for myself. But worst of all, I can’t talk about it because to other people it’s something I’ve done to myself.",in-a-daze,1,0,8,2020-01-02 05:04:06,mentalillness,"My sister’s friend just got diagnosed with thyroid cancer at 19. She had to have her thyroid removed and will be fine, but it will be something she has to deal with for the rest of her life. She has gotten an outpouring of support from friends and family, just hundreds of people showering her with love. She has been very open with my sister and her other friends about how hard this has been for her, throwing off her life plan and setting her potentially on a difference course. I feel incredibly bad for her and recognize how horrible and life-changing this is, but I also can’t help but feel a little bit jealous. Jealous that she can be so vocal about her frustrations and her illness and receive nothing but empathy and love from absolutely everyone. I (22) developed major depression at about 19 and it completely destroyed me and my life plan. It will be something I have to deal with everyday for my rest of my life, and I will never be the same. But I don’t get to talk about it with people. While my sister’s friend is labeled strong for dealing with her cancer, I’m labeled weak for being depressed. People view her cancer as a problem she deals with while instead viewing me as a problem for having depression. Even people who are generally sympathetic and kind still think this way and it shows in small ways. Even my parents who are supportive and loving see my persistent depression as a failure on my part. I used to be beautiful, smart, and advantaged. But now I can’t sleep, I can’t think, I can’t enjoy anything, I can’t form meaningful relationships, And I see absolutely no future for myself. But worst of all, I can’t talk about it because to other people it’s something I’ve done to myself.",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are unable to talk to people about your depression,,True,220 en56ud,Tomorrow I STOP Drinking,1a,help-seeking,1,"I've moved back in with my parents at 27 years old. My parents are functional alcoholics with bottles of whiskey, wine, and kegs of beer on tap at my house. I work in an industry that has a ZERO tolerance for alcohol. I am used to drinking until I fall asleep, but I've had that ""moment of clarity"" that I can't do this any more. I need to learn how to not drink alcohol. I continue to do it despite the jeopardy of my career, its a compulsion. I'm looking for the best path forward. I'm not religious....is AA worthwhile? Any other support groups? I live in the deep south and everything I've come across is religious. I'm too embarrassed to tell my fiancé so right now....that's off the table. Im motivated and looking to get over this hump. If anybody has any resources that helped them stop drinking I'd appreciate it......I promised myself I'm not getting a beer tomorrow....lets see how it goes Cheers to everyone.",i_quit_drinking,1,0,9,2020-01-11 08:58:10,alcoholicsanonymous,"I've moved back in with my parents at 27 years old. My parents are functional alcoholics with bottles of whiskey, wine, and kegs of beer on tap at my house. I work in an industry that has a ZERO tolerance for alcohol. I am used to drinking until I fall asleep, but I've had that ""moment of clarity"" that I can't do this any more. I need to learn how to not drink alcohol. I continue to do it despite the jeopardy of my career, its a compulsion. I'm looking for the best path forward. I'm not religious....is AA worthwhile? Any other support groups? I live in the deep south and everything I've come across is religious. I'm too embarrassed to tell my fiancé so right now....that's off the table. Im motivated and looking to get over this hump. If anybody has any resources that helped them stop drinking I'd appreciate it......I promised myself I'm not getting a beer tomorrow....lets see how it goes Cheers to everyone.",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,drinking alcohol,,,,True,202 el5w03,Its hard to come to terms with being disabled,1a,rant,1,"I keep trying to rationalize it away and say to myself that I'm just being overly dramatic. That I spent half of today on the couch staring at the ceiling in torment because I'm lazy. I guess it's easier to keep telling myself that I'm a piece of shit than it is to say that I'm broken. I'm getting real tired of people being nice and helpful; I feel patronized. I tell myself that I could have done that thing someone else did, but I can't. I tell people ""don't do that thing. I will take care of it."" But after me not being able to take care of it for a few days it quietly gets done. I feel like a leech.",nerovox,1,0,22,2020-01-07 03:56:16,ptsd,"Its hard to come to terms with being disabled I keep trying to rationalize it away and say to myself that I'm just being overly dramatic. That I spent half of today on the couch staring at the ceiling in torment because I'm lazy. I guess it's easier to keep telling myself that I'm a piece of shit than it is to say that I'm broken. I'm getting real tired of people being nice and helpful; I feel patronized. I tell myself that I could have done that thing someone else did, but I can't. I tell people ""don't do that thing. I will take care of it."" But after me not being able to take care of it for a few days it quietly gets done. I feel like a leech.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you unable to come to terms with your disability,,True,220 eip9y4,I have social anxiety and anger issues,1a,help-seeking,1,"I’ve been diagnosed with social anxiety and I currently go to a hospital school because of it, I am improving lots, but I have noticed I’m always very angry and my dad has been diagnosed with anger issues and has been on medication for it. I feel like having social anxiety and anger issues combined is driving me crazy, like on the spot I feel like I just want to scream in there face and even get physical but I’m too socially anxious to even give a slightly offensive response. I feel like I’m going crazy and I don’t know what to do. I’m too embarrassed to talk to my therapist about it because I’m too socially anxious to do so, anyone have any advice?",Jothic,1,0,1,2020-01-01 23:02:57,socialanxiety,"I’ve been diagnosed with social anxiety and I currently go to a hospital school because of it, I am improving lots, but I have noticed I’m always very angry and my dad has been diagnosed with anger issues and has been on medication for it. I feel like having social anxiety and anger issues combined is driving me crazy, like on the spot I feel like I just want to scream in there face and even get physical but I’m too socially anxious to even give a slightly offensive response. I feel like I’m going crazy and I don’t know what to do. I’m too embarrassed to talk to my therapist about it because I’m too socially anxious to do so, anyone have any advice?",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X has happened?,you getting angry,,True,220 ej4n5a,Offff 100,0,chitchat,3,,thereal-ahmed,18,0,0,2020-01-02 21:30:42,sad,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ekuna4,I know you’re out there somewhere,0,chitchat,1,"I was listening to a song this morning and I realized how fitting it was to the context of what you are all going through. I just wanted anyone to know that’s just entering recovery, or maybe thinking of relapsing, that your true self is around the corner. Anyway, I know the song might now be for everyone, but just listen to the lyrics in the context of everything that some of you may be going through. I hope it helps someone that needs the extra strength or motivation. [Said Song](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=a97d5bUCFVQ)",HagBolder11,1,0,3,2020-01-06 14:13:09,OpiatesRecovery,"I was listening to a song this morning and I realized how fitting it was to the context of what you are all going through. I just wanted anyone to know that’s just entering recovery, or maybe thinking of relapsing, that your true self is around the corner. Anyway, I know the song might now be for everyone, but just listen to the lyrics in the context of everything that some of you may be going through. I hope it helps someone that needs the extra strength or motivation. [Said Song](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=a97d5bUCFVQ)",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ei8hk1,An Emotional Disaster,1a,help-seeking,2,"Alright to start this off, I’m a 19 year old male who just completed his first semester in college. My childhood has been great, lots of memories, good times, and overall it was fabulous. Well, the past year may have just been the worst year of my life. I lost friends to other colleges and I never see them, I ruined my chances with the one girl who has ever liked me, and the stress of college is destroying me. I’m just going through the days, not meeting new people, not having fun in anything I do, and it feels like I’m disconnected with everything. I have to put a fake smile on myself when with anyone. I literally had a perfect gpa this semester, but That doesn’t make me happy like people said it would. My past mistakes hurt me, and won’t leave my head. I’ve only had one girl ever like me. She was head over heels for me for about a month, and I reject her out of inexperience and insecurity (6 months ago). All my mistakes of my life cloud my head and make me depressed. All the good memories make me even more depressed because It makes me think the good part of life is gone. I am no longer passionate about anything, nothing is meaningful, my brain is making me think only a relationship can fix this hole, but I doubt that. I can’t trust myself to tell me what I want, all it causes me is pain. I have plenty of friends who care about me and like spending time with me, a very supportive family who cares about me and loves me. I have not had any financial struggles my whole life. Why am I still depressed and unconnected with the world right now? What do I want? Why am I so weak while others here actually have a good reason for their depression? My only source of happiness right now is getting high and drunk nonstop. I’m not suicidal yet, but I really need help here. I need to talk to someone about this and I don’t wanna worry my friends about this.",billiam3456,1,0,1,2019-12-31 20:38:16,depression,"Alright to start this off, I’m a 19 year old male who just completed his first semester in college. My childhood has been great, lots of memories, good times, and overall it was fabulous. Well, the past year may have just been the worst year of my life. I lost friends to other colleges and I never see them, I ruined my chances with the one girl who has ever liked me, and the stress of college is destroying me. I’m just going through the days, not meeting new people, not having fun in anything I do, and it feels like I’m disconnected with everything. I have to put a fake smile on myself when with anyone. I literally had a perfect gpa this semester, but That doesn’t make me happy like people said it would. My past mistakes hurt me, and won’t leave my head. I’ve only had one girl ever like me. She was head over heels for me for about a month, and I reject her out of inexperience and insecurity (6 months ago). All my mistakes of my life cloud my head and make me depressed. All the good memories make me even more depressed because It makes me think the good part of life is gone. I am no longer passionate about anything, nothing is meaningful, my brain is making me think only a relationship can fix this hole, but I doubt that. I can’t trust myself to tell me what I want, all it causes me is pain. I have plenty of friends who care about me and like spending time with me, a very supportive family who cares about me and loves me. I have not had any financial struggles my whole life. Why am I still depressed and unconnected with the world right now? What do I want? Why am I so weak while others here actually have a good reason for their depression? My only source of happiness right now is getting high and drunk nonstop. I’m not suicidal yet, but I really need help here. I need to talk to someone about this and I don’t wanna worry my friends about this.",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 ein4xf,anxiety is the worst it’s ever been and as a result my depression is stronger than it’s been in years,1a,rant,1,"idk why i’m even writing this. letting it out feels good i guess and it’s not like i have anyone to talk to. so, i see it like this: there’s an energy shield that helps me with my mental health and whenever i get a panic/anxiety attack, it drains that shield. consequently, my depression is harder to deal with. makes having a social life and focusing on uni work incredibly difficult... yeah, just had to share. if anyone reads this, thanks!",Rainbowglitterfairy5,1,0,2,2020-01-01 20:17:17,Anxiety,"idk why i’m even writing this. letting it out feels good i guess and it’s not like i have anyone to talk to. so, i see it like this: there’s an energy shield that helps me with my mental health and whenever i get a panic/anxiety attack, it drains that shield. consequently, my depression is harder to deal with. makes having a social life and focusing on uni work incredibly difficult... yeah, just had to share. if anyone reads this, thanks!",1,1,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,the anxiety attacks,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how having a social life is difficult,What do you need help with now that X?,you are unable to work or have a social life,,True,110 eiaqfa,Bacardi got me lit,0,chitchat,3,"By ""lit"" I mean I hate everyone I ever knew, except my dad. Yet still, I'm the only one who's got my back. My vision's way too blurs to write more gn",Astro53,1,0,0,2019-12-31 23:38:26,depression,"By ""lit"" I mean I hate everyone I ever knew, except my dad. Yet still, I'm the only one who's got my back. My vision's way too blurs to write more gn",0,1,0,What made you feel X ?,hate towards everyone,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel about everyone else,What can help you overcome X ?,this hate towards everyone,,True,010 eix2eg,What is anxiety??,0,help-seeking,1,"Ok guys I don’t wanna sound rude like I’m diagnosing myself with anxiety or anything but like whenever I read things about people with anxiety or whatever I feel like I can relate to that or whatever, like I’m always thinking about past conversations, future conversations, I feel really uncomfortable alone, I hate confrontation, and I’m constantly worrying and thinking about things that have happened or will soon happen but I feel like I don’t really understand what anxiety means? And I’m only in year 8 but I feel like maybe we should be learning about this at school or something idk but like I’m not sure if I could have it or not or what I should do??",Anxiouskoala771,1,0,7,2020-01-02 11:21:48,Anxiety,"Ok guys I don’t wanna sound rude like I’m diagnosing myself with anxiety or anything but like whenever I read things about people with anxiety or whatever I feel like I can relate to that or whatever, like I’m always thinking about past conversations, future conversations. I feel really uncomfortable alone, I hate confrontation, and I’m constantly worrying and thinking about things that have happened or will soon happen but I feel like I don’t really understand what anxiety means? And I’m only in year 8 but I feel like maybe we should be learning about this at school or something idk but like I’m not sure if I could have it or not or what I should do??",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are unable to tell if you have anxiety,,True,220 ejbf29,How much about your incident do you tell people?,1a,help-seeking,2,"I've found that after my traumatic experiences, it has greatly affected my life to the point where I'm not really the same person I was before and close friends are taking notice. I think I might have to explain to them why I'm so different now, but I dont want to be the person who rambles about their problems or is defined by such an incident. I also am worried that if I tell people they might see me as ""attention seeking"", hence why only 2 people in my life know. At this point I feel that I cant just tell them ""something stressful"" happened, as they are bringing a lot of bad memories back with the comments they make in their day to day lives towards and about me. Even if I wanted to tell them what happened face to face, I often get so stressed and panicked that I'm unable to speak, I violently shake and go into a pretty embarrassing state, and I dont want to put them in the position where they see me like that. What does everyone else do in this situation, and what would you recommend? How has everyone else dealt with letting loved ones know? I'd love some advice to make this go as smoothly as possible.",Slipperysteve1998,6,0,9,2020-01-03 06:17:51,ptsd,"I've found that after my traumatic experiences, it has greatly affected my life to the point where I'm not really the same person I was before and close friends are taking notice. I think I might have to explain to them why I'm so different now, but I dont want to be the person who rambles about their problems or is defined by such an incident. I also am worried that if I tell people they might see me as ""attention seeking"", hence why only 2 people in my life know. At this point I feel that I cant just tell them ""something stressful"" happened, as they are bringing a lot of bad memories back with the comments they make in their day to day lives towards and about me. Even if I wanted to tell them what happened face to face, I often get so stressed and panicked that I'm unable to speak, I violently shake and go into a pretty embarrassing state, and I dont want to put them in the position where they see me like that. What does everyone else do in this situation, and what would you recommend? How has everyone else dealt with letting loved ones know? I'd love some advice to make this go as smoothly as possible.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eiovqy,Touched by Eilie songs?,0,chitchat,2,"If thats what she wants than I can relate, but I also feel sad for her. Here comes the song: Everything I wanted. https://youtu.be/5QbFSn4ztvs",medusa_in_the_mirror,1,0,1,2020-01-01 22:32:26,BPD,"If thats what she wants than I can relate, but I also feel sad for her. Here comes the song: Everything I wanted. https://youtu.be/5QbFSn4ztvs",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eq2gbs,Broke my car because I couldn’t fix it,1a,help-seeking,2,"My cars inside door handle was broken. It could only be opened from the outside (rolling the window down) There were no professionals who could fix it for me in the small town I live in, so on a day I had off work, I decided to try and do it myself. I couldn’t take the car panel out (I drive a shitty ‘89 VW Passat) and I couldn’t find any info online how to do it. As I tried using more and more force to take it off, I cut my finger pretty bad and this really filled me with rage. Then, I proceeded to forcefully rip the car panel out of the door, smash it into pieces, tear every small part out and start kicking it. I felt an extreme amount of energy. I am an experienced weight lifter and I almost never have this sort of energy in the gym. So, I kicked and pushed it, I heard my ears ringing as I did, smashed everything and pushed the door on the opposite direction so it practically broke and can’t close properly now. After all this I felt even more angry. I went back home after whistling joyfully while I was cleaning the door parts from the sidewalk. Then, I started yelling and screaming at the top of my lungs, sparred the air for a while and then felt like a complete shit and somewhat felt regret. I’ve had some meltdowns in the past where I can’t control my actions and leave a lot of damage on my hands (knuckles and fingers) from punching objects. I am usually very grounded and radiate peace. Whenever an accident happens at work (I’m a bartender), glass breaks, someone falls, drops something, whatever, I am willing to help. I listen to people’s problems and I empathize with them, just, in general, I’m in a good relationship with people around me. It’s just that sometimes I feel like I’m faking my behavior as if I’m acting in a way that I’m supposed to, as opposed to acting the way I really feel. Could this potentially be causing psychological unreleased tension buildup or something? Help.",Japan1998,1,0,1,2020-01-17 16:15:29,Anger,"My cars inside door handle was broken. It could only be opened from the outside (rolling the window down) There were no professionals who could fix it for me in the small town I live in, so on a day I had off work, I decided to try and do it myself. I couldn’t take the car panel out (I drive a shitty ‘89 VW Passat) and I couldn’t find any info online how to do it. As I tried using more and more force to take it off, I cut my finger pretty bad and this really filled me with rage. Then, I proceeded to forcefully rip the car panel out of the door, smash it into pieces, tear every small part out and start kicking it. I felt an extreme amount of energy. I am an experienced weight lifter and I almost never have this sort of energy in the gym. So, I kicked and pushed it, I heard my ears ringing as I did, smashed everything and pushed the door on the opposite direction so it practically broke and can’t close properly now. After all this I felt even more angry. I went back home after whistling joyfully while I was cleaning the door parts from the sidewalk. Then, I started yelling and screaming at the top of my lungs, sparred the air for a while and then felt like a complete shit and somewhat felt regret. I’ve had some meltdowns in the past where I can’t control my actions and leave a lot of damage on my hands (knuckles and fingers) from punching objects. I am usually very grounded and radiate peace. Whenever an accident happens at work (I’m a bartender), glass breaks, someone falls, drops something, whatever, I am willing to help. I listen to people’s problems and I empathize with them, just, in general, I’m in a good relationship with people around me. It’s just that sometimes I feel like I’m faking my behavior as if I’m acting in a way that I’m supposed to, as opposed to acting the way I really feel. Could this potentially be causing psychological unreleased tension buildup or something? Help.",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 ejs86d,"small, yet achievable goals.",0,chitchat,2,"i’m going cold turkey off of suboxone after having been on it 3 months, for many reasons. i’d been on the same dose, 2mg/0.5mg 2x a day. i have been unemployed and also found out i didn’t get a job that i wanted very badly (i got to the final round interview and everything) today’s an awful day, and i’m fucking terrified. however i’ve written myself some small goals that i can achieve over the next few months. wish me luck, god bless you all! * Successfully detox from subs. * Find a job even just for extra $$, if it is stable that’s a plus! If not, it’s okay. * Exercise, exercise, exercise. SERIOUSLY. * Please eat regularly and at least have a slightly balanced diet. * Find a counselor and psychiatrist that accepts medicaid (when approved). * Finish volunteer community service work. * Just drink a lot of water. A lot. * Journal. Everyday. * Practice one form of self love at least everyday. just wanted to share :) trying to stay positive even though i have little hope.",winniedom,3,0,6,2020-01-04 05:16:10,addiction,"i’m going cold turkey off of suboxone after having been on it 3 months, for many reasons. i’d been on the same dose, 2mg/0.5mg 2x a day. i have been unemployed and also found out i didn’t get a job that i wanted very badly (i got to the final round interview and everything) today’s an awful day, and i’m fucking terrified. however i’ve written myself some small goals that i can achieve over the next few months. wish me luck, god bless you all! * Successfully detox from subs. * Find a job even just for extra $$, if it is stable that’s a plus! If not, it’s okay. * Exercise, exercise, exercise. SERIOUSLY. * Please eat regularly and at least have a slightly balanced diet. * Find a counselor and psychiatrist that accepts medicaid (when approved). * Finish volunteer community service work. * Just drink a lot of water. A lot. * Journal. Everyday. * Practice one form of self love at least everyday. just wanted to share :) trying to stay positive even though i have little hope.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eitzls,Book recommendations,0,help-seeking,1,"Looking for book recommendations on BPD or generally just about navigating emotions. Not looking for books along the lines of “I hate you, don’t leave me” (it’s slightly triggering), but more looking for books that are a bit more positive. I don’t need to know anymore about what I’m doing that is extreme, it puts me in this guilt mode that I really just can’t handle anymore guilt. So, self helpish type books, if there are any suggestions I would really appreciate it.",scarletharlot818,1,0,2,2020-01-02 05:31:22,BPD,"Looking for book recommendations on BPD or generally just about navigating emotions. Not looking for books along the lines of “I hate you, don’t leave me” (it’s slightly triggering), but more looking for books that are a bit more positive. I don’t need to know anymore about what I’m doing that is extreme, it puts me in this guilt mode that I really just can’t handle anymore guilt. So, self helpish type books, if there are any suggestions I would really appreciate it.",0,2,2,What made you feel X ?,guilty,,,,,,True,022 eiorhz,Anger control.,1a,help-seeking,2,"Ill spare my personal testimony and dive right into thr point. I will,however, state that i have been diagnosed by a clinical professional as having ptsd. I was hesitant to post cause im kinda a recluse. Ive dealt with sadness and even anxiety mostly. But anger is new to me. I feel out of control when im angry. And the littlest most insignificant thing can fester into a boiling pot of rage or just instant explosions. Recently i had a really bad episode, so bad i bruised my inner thigh yellow and now my blood circulation to that leg feels worse. If a bloodclot eventually gets me than so be it but my main concern as of now is how it may affect my relationships and even moods of the few family memebers i have. Im worried i may have an outburst and say something i regret and ive also noticed that it tends to put everyone else around me on edge as well which isnt fair to them. Ive looked up tips but everything seems to suggest advice for what to do after you RECOGNIZE you are angry, which is not so easy when in an episode. So tl;dr Does anyone know of any good ways to even remember to do these anager managenent techniques and/or other suggestion.",demiurgeshadow,1,0,2,2020-01-01 22:21:51,ptsd,"Ill spare my personal testimony and dive right into thr point. I will,however, state that i have been diagnosed by a clinical professional as having ptsd. I was hesitant to post cause im kinda a recluse. Ive dealt with sadness and even anxiety mostly. But anger is new to me. I feel out of control when im angry. And the littlest most insignificant thing can fester into a boiling pot of rage or just instant explosions. Recently i had a really bad episode, so bad i bruised my inner thigh yellow and now my blood circulation to that leg feels worse. If a bloodclot eventually gets me than so be it but my main concern as of now is how it may affect my relationships and even moods of the few family memebers i have. Im worried i may have an outburst and say something i regret and ive also noticed that it tends to put everyone else around me on edge as well which isnt fair to them. Ive looked up tips but everything seems to suggest advice for what to do after you RECOGNIZE you are angry, which is not so easy when in an episode. So tl;dr Does anyone know of any good ways to even remember to do these anager managenent techniques and/or other suggestion.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ez16yq,Fuuuuuu! I broke stuff.,1c,rant,1,I came home from the store. Wife in the kitchen cooking. I asked her what should we cook for guests I invited over Thursday. She said I should have consulted her first. I lost it. My hand reached into the cabinet next to me and I cleared the shelf. Broken shit all over the floor. She says look you have liquid all over your shoes(some teriyaki?) I don’t care. I proceed to knock over items that fell on the counter including a jar of a sauce. I went to the bathroom and threw the shelf over and cleared the sink. I went into the hall and cleared the shelf of all her crap. I’m was so fucking pissed off. I’ve calmed down now. I think she’s cleaned it up. She came in and asked what was wrong and I told her she pissed me off I don’t need permission from her for shit. Then I told her to leave me alone. Ive decided I’m going camping tomorrow. Alone.,open_your_gd_ears,1,0,9,2020-02-05 01:32:00,Anger,I came home from the store. Wife in the kitchen cooking. I asked her what should we cook for guests I invited over Thursday. She said I should have consulted her first. I lost it. My hand reached into the cabinet next to me and I cleared the shelf. Broken shit all over the floor. She says look you have liquid all over your shoes(some teriyaki?) I don’t care. I proceed to knock over items that fell on the counter including a jar of a sauce. I went to the bathroom and threw the shelf over and cleared the sink. I went into the hall and cleared the shelf of all her crap. I’m was so fucking pissed off. I’ve calmed down now. I think she’s cleaned it up. She came in and asked what was wrong and I told her she pissed me off I don’t need permission from her for shit. Then I told her to leave me alone. Ive decided I’m going camping tomorrow. Alone.,2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you got annoyed by your wife,,True,220 ejhkca,So anxious suddenly can't speak? Cry when frustrated?,1a,survey,1,"Anyone else experience being so anxious to say something specific you suddenly just can't talk? At least to say that specific thing. It feels like my throat is closing a little and I get all stuck in my head with whether I should or shouldn't say it. Also cry at times I'd rather not. Recently it was following a time I wanted to say something and the above happened. I was frustrated I couldn't get the words out (I even typed it out to help me and I was still too nervous). I fought through it to at keast admit I had something to say, to my boyfriend, and he really encouraged me. But I was so overwhelmed already with my nerves and frustrated I couldn't get the words out, and also relieved he was being patient and encouraging that I just started crying. It was embarrassing but I think I needed it. It turned out fine actually, but I just hate that I cry when frustrated. Happened once in high school IN class. The teacher was trying to get me to talk a certain way and be more loose in my speech (was speech class) and I just bust into tears. Sigh... Anyone else this way? And how have you tried to approve?",lmkiture,3,0,5,2020-01-03 16:16:26,socialanxiety,"Anyone else experience being so anxious to say something specific you suddenly just can't talk? At least to say that specific thing. It feels like my throat is closing a little and I get all stuck in my head with whether I should or shouldn't say it. Also cry at times I'd rather not. Recently it was following a time I wanted to say something and the above happened. I was frustrated I couldn't get the words out (I even typed it out to help me and I was still too nervous). I fought through it to at keast admit I had something to say, to my boyfriend, and he really encouraged me. But I was so overwhelmed already with my nerves and frustrated I couldn't get the words out, and also relieved he was being patient and encouraging that I just started crying. It was embarrassing but I think I needed it. It turned out fine actually, but I just hate that I cry when frustrated. Happened once in high school IN class. The teacher was trying to get me to talk a certain way and be more loose in my speech (was speech class) and I just bust into tears. Sigh... Anyone else this way? And how have you tried to approve?",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 eld1bd,before the heartache,0,chitchat,3,,PlasticDreamz,1,0,0,2020-01-07 15:33:53,sad,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,title,True,000 fywzz2,"I need help figuring out where to start, but I'm willing to put in the effort.",0,help-seeking,1,"I recently graduated and the last 6 months have been a whirl. I moved to a new city but managed to make no friends, slowly descending into a rut that I still can't see a way out of. Really the thing that kept me going was my long distance relationship which I saw a couple of times. But today, that relationship ended like a punch to the face, so hard I flew back into third person and took a good look at my life, and I'm tired of this shit. I'm tired of thinking nothing will ever change and this is how the rest of my life will be until I die. I'm ready to put in the effort, I'm ready to try my hardest even when I'm at my lowest, but I just don't know where to begin. How do you even start to teach yourself to be a functioning adult?",loggerlogger1,1,0,1,2020-04-11 05:10:26,getting_over_it,"I recently graduated and the last 6 months have been a whirl. I moved to a new city but managed to make no friends, slowly descending into a rut that I still can't see a way out of. Really the thing that kept me going was my long distance relationship which I saw a couple of times. But today, that relationship ended like a punch to the face, so hard I flew back into third person and took a good look at my life. and I'm tired of this shit. I'm tired of thinking nothing will ever change and this is how the rest of my life will be until I die. I'm ready to put in the effort, I'm ready to try my hardest even when I'm at my lowest, but I just don't know where to begin. How do you even start to teach yourself to be a functioning adult?",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 esdcm2,Would anyone here be interested in reading and giving me feedback on my victim impact statement?,0,survey,1,I have court next week where my impact statement will be read and I want to make sure it’s good. I’ll redact any identifying information like names and places.,Fibromarthritis,1,0,6,2020-01-22 15:14:16,rapecounseling,Would anyone here be interested in reading and giving me feedback on my victim impact statement? I have court next week where my impact statement will be read and I want to make sure it’s good. I’ll redact any identifying information like names and places.,1,0,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,the trial next week,How did X make you feel?,having court next week,,,,True,102 elq201,I need out of my toxic mother’s house. Help!,1a,help-seeking,1,"So I came back from a trip ready to move into an apartment sign a year long lease and most importantly get the hell away from my mom. But I broke my wrist, had to get surgery and I was unable to keep my job as an assistant preschool teacher. The doctor says if I don’t heal from this surgery correctly I could have permanent arthritis in my wrist. And that would be god awful because I love playing the guitar. I thought I could wait the 3-4 months that it takes to heal to move out and get a job, but I’m fucking at my edge with her. Does anyone know of any jobs that would hire me with only one arm available? I want out but I need some kind of income.",OddEggplant,1,0,3,2020-01-08 08:31:13,ptsd,"So I came back from a trip ready to move into an apartment sign a year long lease and most importantly get the hell away from my mom. But I broke my wrist, had to get surgery and I was unable to keep my job as an assistant preschool teacher. The doctor says if I don’t heal from this surgery correctly I could have permanent arthritis in my wrist. And that would be god awful because I love playing the guitar. I thought I could wait the 3-4 months that it takes to heal to move out and get a job, but I’m fucking at my edge with her. Does anyone know of any jobs that would hire me with only one arm available? I want out but I need some kind of income.",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,being with your mom,,,,True,202 emjpfp,Dear mods,1c,chitchat,1,It's time to monitor your page. Apparently not everyone here is mature enough to talk about addiction without turning it into a shitting contest or a joke. Dont expect me back,danieltigerx,1,0,0,2020-01-10 01:35:51,addiction,It's time to monitor your page. Apparently not everyone here is mature enough to talk about addiction without turning it into a shitting contest or a joke. Dont expect me back,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 erwsgk,Abuser dumped me this time. Need support,1b,help-seeking,2,"I left abusive ex for over a week. I couldn't stay at my friend's house anymore so I came back to ex's place and stayed for about a week. I started looking at rooms to rent straight away. He told me that he loves me. He said there's no rush, also told me to live with him. I went ahead and rented a room anyway. I still stayed at his for a few more nights. During this it was a mix of him telling me to tell the landlord that I don't want the new room anymore and the other times he was telling me he wants space and for me to go home to mine. He said he is confused. I obviously got annoyed about that and said that it's him wanting control. He said to basically enjoy the new crap house. I called him an abuser (my previous posts has details of the verbal and physical abuse). I was dumb amd went over his to apologize and he just said he's done with me and to get it through my head that he doesn't want me and that he only let me back since I couldn't stay at my friend's. He was pretty hurtful with his words and basically blamed me for everything. For some reason I basically begged him. And it just made it worse. It's just because of everything that's happened prior and any other time he would say sorry and fight for it. One time basically holding me against my will in the old house. I just feel pathetic and worthless now more than ever. I don't know what to do. I litterely can't get over it. I wasn't over him the week I was gone but left for my safety.",Throwawayox1,1,0,11,2020-01-21 16:15:39,domesticviolence,"I left abusive ex for over a week. I couldn't stay at my friend's house anymore so I came back to ex's place and stayed for about a week. I started looking at rooms to rent straight away. He told me that he loves me. He said there's no rush, also told me to live with him. I went ahead and rented a room anyway. I still stayed at his for a few more nights. During this it was a mix of him telling me to tell the landlord that I don't want the new room anymore and the other times he was telling me he wants space and for me to go home to mine. He said he is confused. I obviously got annoyed about that and said that it's him wanting control. He said to basically enjoy the new crap house. I called him an abuser (my previous posts has details of the verbal and physical abuse). I was dumb amd went over his to apologize and he just said he's done with me and to get it through my head that he doesn't want me and that he only let me back since I couldn't stay at my friend's. He was pretty hurtful with his words and basically blamed me for everything. For some reason I basically begged him. And it just made it worse. It's just because of everything that's happened prior and any other time he would say sorry and fight for it. One time basically holding me against my will in the old house. I just feel pathetic and worthless now more than ever. I don't know what to do. I litterely can't get over it. I wasn't over him the week I was gone but left for my safety.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are unable to get over the abuse,,True,220 eifa4z,My sister is struggling with addiction and I don't know what to do,1b,help-seeking,3,"I come from a very tight knit family and this past year everything has been shattered. I'm the youngest of 4 sisters and one by one they've all disappeared from me. I know I sound really melodramatic, but it's New Years day I've been sobbing at my computer for the past hour looking at old messages and I just feel broken and empty inside and I need some place to tell my story. I'm going to give everyone pseudonyms for anonymity. Oldest sister will be Jackie, second oldest will be Evette, third oldest will be Nancy. My mom was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer when I was 16. We were told she had only 2 months to live and we all prepared for the worst, but it didn't happen. I became her sole caretaker and dedicated every day to seeing to her health and she's still alive today. It hasn't been easy, but with the support from my family I've gone on. My oldest sister, Jackie, has been dealing with addiction my whole life and as a result I've had to cut her out of my life 6 years ago when she attacked me with a knife and broke my ankle and wrist. I adopted her 2 kids when I was 18 and it hasn't been easy, but with the support from my family I've gone on. At 20 my second oldest sister, Evette, my best friend had a mental breakdown after which she was diagnosed with schizophrenia. Mental illness changed her to the point where she was unrecognizable. She became violent, she heard her voices tell her mean things about us and thought nobody wanted her or loved her. We grew distant and she spent the next few years in and out of mental hospitals as I or my other sister took care of her young son as necessary. Late 2018-early 2019 Jackie began to get back into my life. I was dead against it, but my mom really wanted her around and there was nothing I could really do. I stayed away from her and was a recluse when she was around. Around this same time I was in a very toxic abusive relationship that absorbed me in a lot of ways, and my sister being around pushed me away from them to him who was isolating me from my family. Unbeknownst to me while I was dealing with my abusive relationship Jackie was introducing Evette and Nancy to the drugs that had consumed her for so long, which she was supposedly off of. February 2019 Evette dies in her sleep. At the time I thought it was due to complications from her asthma, it's only recently that I've found out that it was a drug complication between the drugs she was given by Jackie and the anti-psychotics she was on for her schizophrenia. Jackie and Nancy were there at the time of her death doing the same drugs when Evette said she wasn't feeling well. Nancy told her to lay down and got her a damp cloth and then began arguing with Jackie over something while Evette was dying in the other room. The police are called and Jackie sneaks out of the house (she had a warrant), does more drugs and ODs. She lives, but loses her housing because of her relapse. She's set to appear in court, but instead leaves the state. Nancy, the only other sister I have, falls further into drug use, again unbeknownst to me. She begins neglecting her kids, cheating on her husband, starting arguments with everyone close to her. Our relationship becomes strained due to these arguments that happen every time we're together and I distance myself further from her - still in the middle of this abusive relationship that's encouraging my isolation. The rest of us make plans to move upstate, back where we came from to be close to family - the same place Jackie left to, only Nancy doesn't want to leave. She denies she's cheating on her husband, but it seems clear she doesn't want to leave this guy shes been hanging around with a lot, someone with his own kids he's abandoned, as well as a failed marriage and a drug problem. She also seems to be having a mental breakdown, she's talking a lot more about god and needing to save people and having a lot of questionable people around her claiming she wants to save them. Her behavior has become more erratic since the death of Evette. I believe that if we leave she'll follow quickly behind, realizing that we're serious, so we leave the state, leaving her in our home giving her a month to come up behind us. She's now away from all of us as well as her kids. She doesn't come behind us, she doesn't pay the rent of our house, she ends up evicted. Us, on the other hand, back up state end up struggling to find housing with the eviction on our record from Nancy not leaving or paying rent. We've been here since July and we're still homeless, meanwhile both my mom and her husband are bleeding money to send back to her so that she has a hotel to sleep in and food to eat. Her husband and kids end up going to his home state, he's still trying to get her to come back, but apparently now she hates him and is trying to get my mom to take her kids away from him. I really don't know what's going on with her, to be honest. I haven't spoken to her since July and I was so upset with her I don't think I even said goodbye. Last thing I heard was that her husband got into her facebook account and saw all the messages she was sending this guy she supposedly wasn't involved with, saying how she loves him and how now that both of their marriages aren't working out they can be together. Apparently he's ignoring her now and hasn't replied to a message since November. I know she's on drugs. I know she's not herself and hasn't been since Evette died. I'm terrified at the thought of her being on the streets alone. I heard from a friend she has on the streets that she was raped while sleeping outside. She can come back at any moment. We don't have a home yet, either, but we're not on the streets, and both my mother and I and her husband have offered to pay for a ticket to get her here so that she's no longer in this scenario, but consistently she hasn't come. I don't know what to do, but every once in a while on a night like this where I'm thinking of this past year and how much of a failure it was and how miserable and depressed I am that this is what my life has become I begin to worry about her, or I'll look back on old conversations or messages from her and I'm wrought with such grief. I just don't know what to do and I don't know where to turn. > At 25 yrs I have an amazing family who are my world. They support me in everything I do and I couldn't be more thankful for them. > Three little cubs call me Mama Bear, my one and only has my heart & together they give me the drive to keep striving for greater things. This was her just about a year and a half ago, and now she hasn't seen her kids since July. When we call her husband my nieces and nephews will hear my voice or my moms voice and yell ""mommy!"" because they think we're her. I just..... I don't know, man. I have a lot weighing on me. Sometimes I feel like I'm all out of motivation to even be anymore. I want things to be different, but I don't know how to make that happen.",Spirited_Sheepherder,1,0,2,2020-01-01 06:45:49,addiction,"I come from a very tight knit family and this past year everything has been shattered. I'm the youngest of 4 sisters and one by one they've all disappeared from me. I know I sound really melodramatic, but it's New Years day I've been sobbing at my computer for the past hour looking at old messages and I just feel broken and empty inside and I need some place to tell my story. I'm going to give everyone pseudonyms for anonymity. Oldest sister will be Jackie, second oldest will be Evette, third oldest will be Nancy. My mom was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer when I was 16. We were told she had only 2 months to live and we all prepared for the worst, but it didn't happen. I became her sole caretaker and dedicated every day to seeing to her health and she's still alive today. It hasn't been easy, but with the support from my family I've gone on. My oldest sister, Jackie, has been dealing with addiction my whole life and as a result I've had to cut her out of my life 6 years ago when she attacked me with a knife and broke my ankle and wrist. I adopted her 2 kids when I was 18 and it hasn't been easy, but with the support from my family I've gone on. At 20 my second oldest sister, Evette, my best friend had a mental breakdown after which she was diagnosed with schizophrenia. Mental illness changed her to the point where she was unrecognizable. She became violent, she heard her voices tell her mean things about us and thought nobody wanted her or loved her. We grew distant and she spent the next few years in and out of mental hospitals as I or my other sister took care of her young son as necessary. Late 2018-early 2019 Jackie began to get back into my life. I was dead against it, but my mom really wanted her around and there was nothing I could really do. I stayed away from her and was a recluse when she was around. Around this same time I was in a very toxic abusive relationship that absorbed me in a lot of ways, and my sister being around pushed me away from them to him who was isolating me from my family. Unbeknownst to me while I was dealing with my abusive relationship Jackie was introducing Evette and Nancy to the drugs that had consumed her for so long, which she was supposedly off of. February 2019 Evette dies in her sleep. At the time I thought it was due to complications from her asthma, it's only recently that I've found out that it was a drug complication between the drugs she was given by Jackie and the anti-psychotics she was on for her schizophrenia. Jackie and Nancy were there at the time of her death doing the same drugs when Evette said she wasn't feeling well. Nancy told her to lay down and got her a damp cloth and then began arguing with Jackie over something while Evette was dying in the other room. The police are called and Jackie sneaks out of the house (she had a warrant), does more drugs and ODs. She lives, but loses her housing because of her relapse. She's set to appear in court, but instead leaves the state. Nancy, the only other sister I have, falls further into drug use, again unbeknownst to me. She begins neglecting her kids, cheating on her husband, starting arguments with everyone close to her. Our relationship becomes strained due to these arguments that happen every time we're together and I distance myself further from her - still in the middle of this abusive relationship that's encouraging my isolation. The rest of us make plans to move upstate, back where we came from to be close to family - the same place Jackie left to, only Nancy doesn't want to leave. She denies she's cheating on her husband, but it seems clear she doesn't want to leave this guy shes been hanging around with a lot, someone with his own kids he's abandoned, as well as a failed marriage and a drug problem. She also seems to be having a mental breakdown, she's talking a lot more about god and needing to save people and having a lot of questionable people around her claiming she wants to save them. Her behavior has become more erratic since the death of Evette. I believe that if we leave she'll follow quickly behind, realizing that we're serious, so we leave the state, leaving her in our home giving her a month to come up behind us. She's now away from all of us as well as her kids. She doesn't come behind us, she doesn't pay the rent of our house, she ends up evicted. Us, on the other hand, back up state end up struggling to find housing with the eviction on our record from Nancy not leaving or paying rent. We've been here since July and we're still homeless, meanwhile both my mom and her husband are bleeding money to send back to her so that she has a hotel to sleep in and food to eat. Her husband and kids end up going to his home state, he's still trying to get her to come back, but apparently now she hates him and is trying to get my mom to take her kids away from him. I really don't know what's going on with her, to be honest. I haven't spoken to her since July and I was so upset with her I don't think I even said goodbye. Last thing I heard was that her husband got into her facebook account and saw all the messages she was sending this guy she supposedly wasn't involved with, saying how she loves him and how now that both of their marriages aren't working out they can be together. Apparently he's ignoring her now and hasn't replied to a message since November. I know she's on drugs. I know she's not herself and hasn't been since Evette died. I'm terrified at the thought of her being on the streets alone. I heard from a friend she has on the streets that she was raped while sleeping outside. She can come back at any moment. We don't have a home yet, either, but we're not on the streets, and both my mother and I and her husband have offered to pay for a ticket to get her here so that she's no longer in this scenario, but consistently she hasn't come. I don't know what to do, but every once in a while on a night like this where I'm thinking of this past year and how much of a failure it was and how miserable and depressed I am that this is what my life has become I begin to worry about her, or I'll look back on old conversations or messages from her and I'm wrought with such grief. I just don't know what to do and I don't know where to turn. > At 25 yrs I have an amazing family who are my world. They support me in everything I do and I couldn't be more thankful for them. > Three little cubs call me Mama Bear, my one and only has my heart & together they give me the drive to keep striving for greater things. This was her just about a year and a half ago, and now she hasn't seen her kids since July. When we call her husband my nieces and nephews will hear my voice or my moms voice and yell ""mommy!"" because they think we're her. I just..... I don't know, man. I have a lot weighing on me. Sometimes I feel like I'm all out of motivation to even be anymore. I want things to be different, but I don't know how to make that happen.",2,2,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you want things to be different,,True,221 ek7ik1,Social anxiety can be conquered by learning the art of small talk,0,chitchat,1,,JosceOfGloucester,3,0,0,2020-01-05 03:43:22,socialanxiety,Social anxiety can be conquered by learning the art of small talk nan,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,"title,positive",True,000 elwxe8,How can I tell the difference between my mental illness and my personality?,0,help-seeking,1,"At this point I can't tell the difference between depression/anxiety/CPTSD and my personality. I feel as if they're inherently intertwined like a cancer. Like.. if I'd never had mental illness... I wouldn't be me. And that has to be true, right? Our experiences make us who we are. Does anyone else feel this way? How do you deal with these feelings?",2confrontornot,1,0,1,2020-01-08 18:48:23,mentalillness,"At this point I can't tell the difference between depression/anxiety/CPTSD and my personality. I feel as if they're inherently intertwined like a cancer. Like.. if I'd never had mental illness... I wouldn't be me. And that has to be true, right? Our experiences make us who we are. Does anyone else feel this way? How do you deal with these feelings?",2,1,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel about your situation,,,,True,212 envg8h,I had horrific experience with other people's ex girlfriend,1a,help-seeking,2,"I am a 25years old female. I was stalked and pranked by other people's ex girlfriends. Those EXs will come into my life and try to get back with my boyfriend at the time. This has happened three times in my life . And I hated everyone's Ex girlfriends. Honestly, I am suffering PTSD from the last experience. That girl waited in front of my house for days and she would call me in the middle of the night leaving a crying message on the phone. Really scary!! I still have nightmares sometimes. That was three years ago now. I should let it go and get myself healed and move on from the past. Good thing is I am haven't been physically confronted by anyone's EX for 2.5 years now. But I still very scared to see anything from the past. I don't really keep any photos (even myself) when I end a relationship. I deleted everything about everyone. I am trying to stay strong by telling myself, ""the past is past and my boyfriend loves very much. "" I think I will get better with time. Just wish more people have some common sense and self-esteem, don't go destroy others people's life intentionally. My question is, How do you heal yourself? What methods have you tried?",cchllww,1,0,3,2020-01-12 23:26:58,selfhelp,"I am a 25years old female. I was stalked and pranked by other people's ex girlfriends. Those EXs will come into my life and try to get back with my boyfriend at the time. This has happened three times in my life . And I hated everyone's Ex girlfriends. Honestly, I am suffering PTSD from the last experience. That girl waited in front of my house for days and she would call me in the middle of the night leaving a crying message on the phone. Really scary!! I still have nightmares sometimes. That was three years ago now. I should let it go and get myself healed and move on from the past. Good thing is I am haven't been physically confronted by anyone's EX for 2.5 years now. But I still very scared to see anything from the past. I don't really keep any photos (even myself) when I end a relationship. I deleted everything about everyone. I am trying to stay strong by telling myself, ""the past is past and my boyfriend loves very much. "" I think I will get better with time. Just wish more people have some common sense and self-esteem, don't go destroy others people's life intentionally. My question is, How do you heal yourself? What methods have you tried?",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 en5jme,"Sigh, just day 8 for me, and I feel overwhelmed",1a,rant,3,"I am definitly an on/off alcoholic. I can go for a few months or so of being sober, and then it always creeps back in. The issue is that once the creeping starts, there is no stopping the mad rush and drive for more and more and more. Like I just want to lie in bed and be drunk and sleep, but then withdrawal starts so it begins over again. I always way up living in withdrawal hell for a week or so over practically downing a bottle of wine and sleeping for a day. The wine wins for a bit, but I usually pluck up the courage to start tapering, because I love my job and want to get back to it. So the issue here is every time after anywhere from a week to a few months I want to stop. But oh my lord the withdrawal. Usually its shaking sweating, high blood pressure and high heart rate. Since you cant drink while asleep, I wake up in that state of panic with my heart racing. I even have a blood pressure cuff as during withdrawal, even when im trying to be careful, it can get to 180/100, with a heart rate of 127. I seem to have a physical sensitivity. That and when you decide you dont want to drink, you always want it to happen faster. But this time it was different. I was tapering as best I could, started at abput 50 units in a day, and the next day managed 30 units and felt ok, so day three I go 3 units every 2 hours, then day 4 2 every 2 hours, then tried 1.5 every 2 hours and apparantly even this was too fast. I started hallucinating badly. I could hear my family and friends, as clear as day, outside the house just shouting and screaming about how much of an awful failure i was. The walls would start moving around just before I had my dose of 2 units. I tried going back up again, and it settled the physical symptoms, but not the hallucinations. Trying to make tea but the teacup was fuzzy and moving. It was like I had taken magic mushrooms, only with awful sweating, shaking and the taste of alcohol in my mouth constantly. Then the confusion began. Ive heard about delerium tremens, and I work in a medical based role so I know what 'global confusion' is - due to the reduced sensitivity of your inhibitory GABA receotors all the other signals arent regulated properly. And I had read that sudden confusion is a sign of this. Luckily at night my girlfriend decided to check on me. I had no idea what id been doing for a while, may have had a seizure, i dont know. I came too a little bit, having not had a drink for a few hours, and she rushed to get me 3 units of wine. Everything calmed down a bit, the sweet ability of alcohol to act as your owm GABA. I mentioned that I had been hallucinating, and possibly had the start of some delerium tremens, which cam result in cardiac collapse. In fact i recalled that 37% of delerium tremens cases die, and 15% die even with treatment. I drank all the way to the hospital and got there shaking, sweating and with periods of confusion. Having to wait in a very busy A and E, without a drink, the symptoms slowly came back. I started shaking badly. Then the hallucinations. This one was funny, because it was ""shake, shake, shake, senora"" by harry Belafonte. I was convinced someone was playing in the room to mock me and my shaking. Even in that state, I kind of got the irony and let out a muffled giggle. Luckily the symptoms got bad enough that the nurse assessed me, and indeed in was heading for major tachycardia and possible hypertensive crisis. Rushed through to department, and given 60mg chlordiazepoxide. Its amazing how quickly you feel normal. Still with waves of confusion and very bright vision with sweating, but the other physical symptoms didn't really return. The waves of symptoms came and went, came and went, and after 12 hours of taking the medication every 4 hours they finally found me a bed. To stop throwing up i needed antisickness, I needed almost constant intravenous saline to stay hydrated intermittent wiith this smelly yellow liquid called pabronax or something. Supposedly b vitamins etc. And then it took a few days, and slowly it all subsided. At points I said ""oh i feel fine now, do i need to be sat here?"" And then another wave of sweaty confusion and light sensitivity would hit, and id remind myself to stay put. So now on day 8 of being sober, Its not easy, but I have to remind myself that If I drink again, then not only do I risk dying even with treatment, but losing my family and entire life, and ironically I would probably have nothing but drink left. Not thatbI would want it. People in my life have said they will help me, but they won't help me forever, and it feels like im on the final straw in the hand, and it's the short straw. Peace and stay sober.",Nanodrop7,1,0,8,2020-01-11 09:45:05,alcoholicsanonymous,"Sigh, just day 8 for me, and I feel overwhelmed I am definitly an on/off alcoholic. I can go for a few months or so of being sober, and then it always creeps back in. The issue is that once the creeping starts, there is no stopping the mad rush and drive for more and more and more. Like I just want to lie in bed and be drunk and sleep, but then withdrawal starts so it begins over again. I always way up living in withdrawal hell for a week or so over practically downing a bottle of wine and sleeping for a day. The wine wins for a bit, but I usually pluck up the courage to start tapering, because I love my job and want to get back to it. So the issue here is every time after anywhere from a week to a few months I want to stop. But oh my lord the withdrawal. Usually its shaking sweating, high blood pressure and high heart rate. Since you cant drink while asleep, I wake up in that state of panic with my heart racing. I even have a blood pressure cuff as during withdrawal, even when im trying to be careful, it can get to 180/100, with a heart rate of 127. I seem to have a physical sensitivity. That and when you decide you dont want to drink, you always want it to happen faster. But this time it was different. I was tapering as best I could, started at abput 50 units in a day, and the next day managed 30 units and felt ok, so day three I go 3 units every 2 hours, then day 4 2 every 2 hours, then tried 1.5 every 2 hours and apparantly even this was too fast. I started hallucinating badly. I could hear my family and friends, as clear as day, outside the house just shouting and screaming about how much of an awful failure i was. The walls would start moving around just before I had my dose of 2 units. I tried going back up again, and it settled the physical symptoms, but not the hallucinations. Trying to make tea but the teacup was fuzzy and moving. It was like I had taken magic mushrooms, only with awful sweating, shaking and the taste of alcohol in my mouth constantly. Then the confusion began. Ive heard about delerium tremens, and I work in a medical based role so I know what 'global confusion' is - due to the reduced sensitivity of your inhibitory GABA receotors all the other signals arent regulated properly. And I had read that sudden confusion is a sign of this. Luckily at night my girlfriend decided to check on me. I had no idea what id been doing for a while, may have had a seizure, i dont know. I came too a little bit, having not had a drink for a few hours, and she rushed to get me 3 units of wine. Everything calmed down a bit, the sweet ability of alcohol to act as your owm GABA. I mentioned that I had been hallucinating, and possibly had the start of some delerium tremens, which cam result in cardiac collapse. In fact i recalled that 37% of delerium tremens cases die, and 15% die even with treatment. I drank all the way to the hospital and got there shaking, sweating and with periods of confusion. Having to wait in a very busy A and E, without a drink, the symptoms slowly came back. I started shaking badly. Then the hallucinations. This one was funny, because it was ""shake, shake, shake, senora"" by harry Belafonte. I was convinced someone was playing in the room to mock me and my shaking. Even in that state, I kind of got the irony and let out a muffled giggle. Luckily the symptoms got bad enough that the nurse assessed me, and indeed in was heading for major tachycardia and possible hypertensive crisis. Rushed through to department, and given 60mg chlordiazepoxide. Its amazing how quickly you feel normal. Still with waves of confusion and very bright vision with sweating, but the other physical symptoms didn't really return. The waves of symptoms came and went, came and went, and after 12 hours of taking the medication every 4 hours they finally found me a bed. To stop throwing up i needed antisickness, I needed almost constant intravenous saline to stay hydrated intermittent wiith this smelly yellow liquid called pabronax or something. Supposedly b vitamins etc. And then it took a few days, and slowly it all subsided. At points I said ""oh i feel fine now, do i need to be sat here?"" And then another wave of sweaty confusion and light sensitivity would hit, and id remind myself to stay put. So now on day 8 of being sober, Its not easy, but I have to remind myself that If I drink again, then not only do I risk dying even with treatment, but losing my family and entire life, and ironically I would probably have nothing but drink left. Not thatbI would want it. People in my life have said they will help me, but they won't help me forever, and it feels like im on the final straw in the hand, and it's the short straw. Peace and stay sober.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel overwhelmed without drinking,,True,220 eju759,a pit of hopelessness,1a,help-seeking,1,"recently have been feeling completely hopeless and useless. i’ve tried to fill this void by doing things that usually help, but now i feel like i’ve hit a wall. nothing i do seems to help, it’s like a constant cycle of nothingness. i constantly feel empty and have no desire to do anything at all, to the point where i’ve given up putting any effort into anything or talk to my friends about it. it just seems meaningless at this point. i have a good support system, my family is more supportive than ever, my life seems to be going well. i just can’t shake this feeling. any tips?",victoriabones,4,0,4,2020-01-04 08:40:03,sad,"recently have been feeling completely hopeless and useless. i’ve tried to fill this void by doing things that usually help, but now i feel like i’ve hit a wall. nothing i do seems to help, it’s like a constant cycle of nothingness. i constantly feel empty and have no desire to do anything at all, to the point where i’ve given up putting any effort into anything or talk to my friends about it. it just seems meaningless at this point. i have a good support system, my family is more supportive than ever, my life seems to be going well. i just can’t shake this feeling. any tips?",1,2,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you are feeling hopeless,,,,,,True,122 f25uln,Translucent Anger,1a,rant,1,"I don’t like who I am because of how angry I am and can become. The slightest thing can just set me off. Maybe my significant other is taking to long to reply or maybe class is taking to long, maybe I dropped some food. Whatever it is I find myself angry. Most people would probably call me high energy or very outgoing but whenever I’m alone I curse or scream a lot while winning fake arguments in my head. Most of the things in my car are broken from how much I just beat and punch everything in there. I’m not happy with who I am and I don’t know how to change.",Tellophone,1,0,5,2020-02-11 09:06:31,Anger,"I don’t like who I am because of how angry I am and can become. The slightest thing can just set me off. Maybe my significant other is taking to long to reply or maybe class is taking to long, maybe I dropped some food. Whatever it is I find myself angry. Most people would probably call me high energy or very outgoing but whenever I’m alone I curse or scream a lot while winning fake arguments in my head. Most of the things in my car are broken from how much I just beat and punch everything in there.I’m not happy with who I am and I don’t know how to change.",2,1,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel about your anger,What do you need help with now that X?,you are unable to control your anger,,True,210 eoyyna,"I dunno, I mean when your mental illness is your defining characteristic, it just really fucking sucks",1c,rant,1,,Woodtraynexttome,1,0,23,2020-01-15 07:02:00,mentalillness,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,repeated,True,000 eqhuvz,Withdrawl,1a,help-seeking,1,"Hi, F22 here I've been taking 20mg methadone daily for 4 years now for my backpain, and I'm finally down to like 1-0.5mg, which is basically nothing and I feel no effect, except it helps with my back pain very little. Everything feels empty and hard. When I wake up I'm instantly annoyed. I can't lay down, stand up or sit down for longer periods and I can't sleep at night. Does it get better? Will I feel happy again? Has anyone here tried quitting methadone sucessfully? or have any motivational tips etc.? Will probably delete this post later, since i feel an incredible shame around the subject",AlbertEinswine,1,0,9,2020-01-18 15:42:55,OpiatesRecovery,"Hi, F22 here I've been taking 20mg methadone daily for 4 years now for my backpain, and I'm finally down to like 1-0.5mg, which is basically nothing and I feel no effect, except it helps with my back pain very little. Everything feels empty and hard. When I wake up I'm instantly annoyed. I can't lay down, stand up or sit down for longer periods and I can't sleep at night. Does it get better? Will I feel happy again? Has anyone here tried quitting methadone sucessfully? or have any motivational tips etc.? Will probably delete this post later, since i feel an incredible shame around the subject",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ej9ah3,When did you start self harming?,1a,survey,1,Just curious how old you guys were when you began self harming. I’ve been intentionally hurting myself for as long as I can remember and I didn’t even realize. I remember it started when I was around 7 and I would stutter so badly so I’d dig my nails into my skin until I bled and I didn’t know why and I guess it just progressed from there. I’m curious to here anyone else’s story.,hammymami69,7,0,77,2020-01-03 03:14:40,selfharm,Just curious how old you guys were when you began self harming. I’ve been intentionally hurting myself for as long as I can remember and I didn’t even realize. I remember it started when I was around 7 and I would stutter so badly so I’d dig my nails into my skin until I bled and I didn’t know why and I guess it just progressed from there. I’m curious to here anyone else’s story.,1,0,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why did you hurt yourself,How did X make you feel?,hurting yourself,,,,True,102 ek66ow,"“And though perhaps he came to scoff, he may remain to pray”",0,chitchat,3,"In ten days, with the grace of my Higher Power, I will celebrate nine months sober. I attended a meeting I regularly attend today, and was joyed to find out that we were reading from “A Doctor’s Opinion”. I didn’t get the opportunity to share in the meeting, so I thought this would be an appropriate place to share my thoughts. This is my favorite chapter in the book, as it is the chapter that convinced me that AA and all it offers was for me. It allowed me to recognize that though my story doesn’t include losing absolutely everything prior to recovery, I am an alcoholic simply because I suffer the phenomenon of craving. I previously had an air of superiority that allowed me to believe that because I never drank in the morning, because I had never been to jail, because I had never had a DWI, because I had never faced tangible consequences while drinking and using, that I wasn’t truly an alcoholic. I was a skeptic in every sense, thinking I was the exception to the rule. This chapter proved me wrong, and I am so grateful it did. This program has blessed my life beyond measure, and my gratitude is overwhelming. Currently, my grandmother is battling cancer, and it is indescribable how painful it is to watch someone you love face their own mortality. Yesterday, however, I was blessed with an opportunity that highlighted the gifts this program has brought into my life. My mother trusted me enough to ask me to bring my grandmother to an appointment to have her head shaved and get her wig styled, as her hair has begun falling out due to chemotherapy. She is currently very sick, and while it was difficult to bear witness to, I found myself shocked that I sat with her during the process and I prayed for her. Had someone told me nine months ago that I would be using prayer (and not alcohol and various substances) to cope in difficult times, I would have told them they were absolutely insane. You see, my Higher Power is not the God I was introduced to in my childhood, as religion and prayer often had a negative connotation for me based on being a queer woman who was “impure” at a young age due to molestation. I never felt at home in the church I was raised in, and frankly the “God” word scared me. Thanks to this program, I have been able to gain an understanding of what spirituality looks like for me, and I pray constantly now. It brings me serenity and quiets my mind. Simply being trusted to show up for my family and do something so important for someone I love so dearly is a gift of this program. Finding myself praying throughout the process is a gift of this program. Coping with this difficult situation without being inebriated is a gift of this program. Among the many other gifts I have been blessed with in my recovery, today I recognize the gravity of these gifts. Though I certainly came to scoff, I am so grateful I have remained to pray.",jmgreen5,11,0,6,2020-01-05 01:51:09,alcoholicsanonymous,"In ten days, with the grace of my Higher Power, I will celebrate nine months sober. I attended a meeting I regularly attend today, and was joyed to find out that we were reading from “A Doctor’s Opinion”. I didn’t get the opportunity to share in the meeting, so I thought this would be an appropriate place to share my thoughts. This is my favorite chapter in the book, as it is the chapter that convinced me that AA and all it offers was for me. It allowed me to recognize that though my story doesn’t include losing absolutely everything prior to recovery, I am an alcoholic simply because I suffer the phenomenon of craving. I previously had an air of superiority that allowed me to believe that because I never drank in the morning, because I had never been to jail, because I had never had a DWI, because I had never faced tangible consequences while drinking and using, that I wasn’t truly an alcoholic. I was a skeptic in every sense, thinking I was the exception to the rule. This chapter proved me wrong, and I am so grateful it did. This program has blessed my life beyond measure, and my gratitude is overwhelming. Currently, my grandmother is battling cancer, and it is indescribable how painful it is to watch someone you love face their own mortality. Yesterday, however, I was blessed with an opportunity that highlighted the gifts this program has brought into my life. My mother trusted me enough to ask me to bring my grandmother to an appointment to have her head shaved and get her wig styled, as her hair has begun falling out due to chemotherapy. She is currently very sick, and while it was difficult to bear witness to, I found myself shocked that I sat with her during the process and I prayed for her. Had someone told me nine months ago that I would be using prayer (and not alcohol and various substances) to cope in difficult times, I would have told them they were absolutely insane. You see, my Higher Power is not the God I was introduced to in my childhood, as religion and prayer often had a negative connotation for me based on being a queer woman who was “impure” at a young age due to molestation. I never felt at home in the church I was raised in, and frankly the “God” word scared me. Thanks to this program, I have been able to gain an understanding of what spirituality looks like for me, and I pray constantly now. It brings me serenity and quiets my mind. Simply being trusted to show up for my family and do something so important for someone I love so dearly is a gift of this program. Finding myself praying throughout the process is a gift of this program. Coping with this difficult situation without being inebriated is a gift of this program. Among the many other gifts I have been blessed with in my recovery, today I recognize the gravity of these gifts. Though I certainly came to scoff, I am so grateful I have remained to pray.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 et9xmv,Mother owes me money for helping her cover the rent. This was back in the beginning of 2019 when I gave her the money. She said she'll pay me back....it's 2020.,1b,help-seeking,1,"My mother has borrowed some money from me and said she'll pay me back because she knew I was going to use it for college. It's a year later and in this long year I've heard her say I never help her( on a good paycheck I gave her an 100 dollars plus the rent just because I was being nice.) and that I'm basically Lazy. Every time we argue she uses the defense of "" well who is paying rent or who gave birth to you?"" and I respond with "" mom you owe me money and you know it was for college"". Idk what to do. Is that a good excuse as to why I'm not getting the money back?",Kimxoz,1,0,5,2020-01-24 12:44:38,selfhelp,"My mother has borrowed some money from me and said she'll pay me back because she knew I was going to use it for college. It's a year later and in this long year I've heard her say I never help her( on a good paycheck I gave her an 100 dollars plus the rent just because I was being nice.) and that I'm basically Lazy. Every time we argue she uses the defense of "" well who is paying rent or who gave birth to you?"" and I respond with "" mom you owe me money and you know it was for college"". Idk what to do. Is that a good excuse as to why I'm not getting the money back?",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,your mother not returning your money,,,,True,202 ejs2xv,Race Based Social Anxiety?,1b,rant,3,"My social anxiety is rooted in a lot of different things (such as believing I'm ugly, my low toned voice, my smile, etc.), but today I remembered one of them, being my anxiety of being a different race, mainly around upper class white people/hipsters. I believe it stems from internalized racism I got from my dad, who also has his own issues with internalized racism. I'm East Asian, my dad grew up here in NYC as one of the few asian kids in his class, his neighborhood, etc. However, the world of NYC that my dad grew up in is different than today's, as racism was open back then, and just about every other non-PC thing you could think of. My dad's a racist (and sexist himself, oh boy internalized sexism issues too but that's for another post), and growing up he told me a lot of things about how white people would never accept asians as equal, that we're different and that's that. Yes it is true that one cannot assimilate and shouldn't purposefully try to assimilate and erase their cultural heritage. But the way my dad put it made it sound like every well off white person was looking down at me because I'm just another asian who isn't sophisticated and is stealing their kids good schools, jobs, etc, etc. I go to school in a very white hipster, upper class neighborhood and only today has this paranoia of people looking down at me and judging me for my looks (my brain holds this irrational belief that I'm a stupid ugly asian person who people will assume I won't get cultural references and that I'll never be a part of their world aka thanks dad for instilling this belief in me), just really come out of nowhere and affected me. It was when I went to Barnes & Noble and bought a school required book and a self-help book on Perfectionism that triggered this comeback. (my social anxiety has been relatively on the low down for the past 2 years, it was horrific in middle school and 9th grade, never got treatment and I am still not being treated for any of my mental health struggles). I went to the register with $30 prepared in my hand so that I wouldn't have to awkwardly fish it out of my wallet when the total actually came out to $50 for 2 books. Idiot me left about $100 in a red envelope in my book bag from Christmas and my mind was telling me the whole time ""wow, white dude probably thinks you're from another neighborhood and just another awkward asian lmao you're so ugly right now btw, I bet he thinks all asians dress bad like you"". I was slightly dissociated/zoned out from my surroundings so I didn't hear his initial greeting asking ""Did you find what you were looking for?"" so I assumed he said if I had a membership so I nodded no. Which turned out to be very awkward....Anyway after grabbing 3 $20 bills I realized I overpaid him by $20, and that was another hit to my psyche. 3 awkward incidents with my brain mocking me for proving to myself I haven't changed and 'validating' all those irrational beliefs I hold. I went home today and obsessively examined every photo of myself I have from the start of high school and just felt disgusted by my appearance and physical differences. &#x200B; &#x200B; Anyway sorry this post is sort of disorganized, but I really don't know how to deal with this racial-based social anxiety, and idk where to find resources on dealing with this. Has anyone ever researched this, created specific methods on dealing with it, etc.? Is there even a name for this besides what I'm calling it? And has anyone else on this subreddit experienced racial social anxiety?",skyvex1,2,0,24,2020-01-04 05:03:21,socialanxiety,"My social anxiety is rooted in a lot of different things (such as believing I'm ugly, my low toned voice, my smile, etc.), but today I remembered one of them, being my anxiety of being a different race, mainly around upper class white people/hipsters. I believe it stems from internalized racism I got from my dad, who also has his own issues with internalized racism. I'm East Asian, my dad grew up here in NYC as one of the few asian kids in his class, his neighborhood, etc. However, the world of NYC that my dad grew up in is different than today's, as racism was open back then, and just about every other non-PC thing you could think of. My dad's a racist (and sexist himself, oh boy internalized sexism issues too but that's for another post), and growing up he told me a lot of things about how white people would never accept asians as equal, that we're different and that's that. Yes it is true that one cannot assimilate and shouldn't purposefully try to assimilate and erase their cultural heritage. But the way my dad put it made it sound like every well off white person was looking down at me because I'm just another asian who isn't sophisticated and is stealing their kids good schools, jobs, etc, etc. I go to school in a very white hipster, upper class neighborhood and only today has this paranoia of people looking down at me and judging me for my looks (my brain holds this irrational belief that I'm a stupid ugly asian person who people will assume I won't get cultural references and that I'll never be a part of their world aka thanks dad for instilling this belief in me), just really come out of nowhere and affected me. It was when I went to Barnes & Noble and bought a school required book and a self-help book on Perfectionism that triggered this comeback. (my social anxiety has been relatively on the low down for the past 2 years, it was horrific in middle school and 9th grade, never got treatment and I am still not being treated for any of my mental health struggles). I went to the register with $30 prepared in my hand so that I wouldn't have to awkwardly fish it out of my wallet when the total actually came out to $50 for 2 books. Idiot me left about $100 in a red envelope in my book bag from Christmas and my mind was telling me the whole time ""wow, white dude probably thinks you're from another neighborhood and just another awkward asian lmao you're so ugly right now btw, I bet he thinks all asians dress bad like you"". I was slightly dissociated/zoned out from my surroundings so I didn't hear his initial greeting asking ""Did you find what you were looking for?"" so I assumed he said if I had a membership so I nodded no. Which turned out to be very awkward....Anyway after grabbing 3 $20 bills I realized I overpaid him by $20, and that was another hit to my psyche. 3 awkward incidents with my brain mocking me for proving to myself I haven't changed and 'validating' all those irrational beliefs I hold. I went home today and obsessively examined every photo of myself I have from the start of high school and just felt disgusted by my appearance and physical differences. &#x200B; &#x200B; Anyway sorry this post is sort of disorganized, but I really don't know how to deal with this racial-based social anxiety, and idk where to find resources on dealing with this. Has anyone ever researched this, created specific methods on dealing with it, etc.? Is there even a name for this besides what I'm calling it? And has anyone else on this subreddit experienced racial social anxiety?",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 eiqbr1,I bought an old army medical kit,0,rant,1,I was showing it to some co-workers just as like a cool piece of military kit and I wanted to have one for my van. Well while I was unpacking it I noticed some surgical blades. I instantly put them back but they hung around in the back of my head. I can't take it anymore. I was at such a low and with no drugs to help numb it I turned to the kit. Thankfully it had some bandages in it but if course now I have a big camo bandage on my arm and I have to go into work tomorrow with a short sleeve shirt,Grognak_the_Orc,1,0,0,2020-01-02 00:25:39,selfharm,I was showing it to some co-workers just as like a cool piece of military kit and I wanted to have one for my van. Well while I was unpacking it I noticed some surgical blades. I instantly put them back but they hung around in the back of my head. I can't take it anymore. I was at such a low and with no drugs to help numb it I turned to the kit. Thankfully it had some bandages in it but if course now I have a big camo bandage on my arm and I have to go into work tomorrow with a short sleeve shirt,1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you were at a low,How did X make you feel?,harming yourself,What do you need help with now that X?,you are at a low point and cut again,,True,100 eloelb,Plane crash in Iran. RIP.,0,chitchat,1,https://youtu.be/szLgYZlLopE,kennyS696969,1,0,0,2020-01-08 05:35:08,sad,https://youtu.be/szLgYZlLopE,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eiam88,"It’s Gonna Be A New Year, I’m Gonna Be 19, And I Could Honestly Care Less",1a,rant,2,"So tomorrow’s a near year, huh? Sure doesn’t feel like it. This year was so uneventful and miserable that it feels like it never even happened. I also turn 19 tomorrow, but I really don’t care. I’ve never celebrated my birthday anyway and I never will. I have absolutely no interest. So if anyone bothers to comment on this don’t say ‘happy birthday’, please and thank you. All I really know is that now I’m gonna be one year older and I genuinely don’t give a crap. I’m not even old yet, but I already could care less about aging. Everyday is just so meaningless and consists of a monotonous routine. And all I hear is jokes/real advice from people saying, “Don’t get old anytime soon! It sucks!” “Enjoy being young while you can! It only gets harder from here!” Thanks. I really needed to be reminded that I’m gonna be old, decrepit, and dead soon. Really makes me look forward to the “life” ahead of me! Speaking of which, that too is a joke. People saying things like, “Look froward to seeing all the great things you do in the future!” “I’m sure you have great plans ahead of you!” No I don’t. I don’t know what I’m gonna do and everyday feels more and more hopeless, pointless, worthless, almost vomit inducing. Genuinely, I feel sick. In every way possible! Everyone else gets to do great things and have great lives. They have a future, I do not. But whatever. I’m getting older and I have absolutely nothing to look forward to. I just don’t care that’s it’s a “new year.” No year has meant anything to me, and I really don’t think one will anytime soon. If anything I want the years to just...end. And soon. Every year that goes by I become more and more desperate. For what? I’m not even really sure myself anymore. I’ve literally had people say they don’t know what I want sometimes. And I don’t either. Do I wanna die? Perhaps. Do I want life to get better? Maybe? Does any of it matter? Doesn’t seem like it. Either way, I hope everyone else has a better year than I ever well.",testamentsofanguish,1,0,3,2019-12-31 23:29:09,depression,"So tomorrow’s a near year, huh? Sure doesn’t feel like it. This year was so uneventful and miserable that it feels like it never even happened. I also turn 19 tomorrow, but I really don’t care. I’ve never celebrated my birthday anyway and I never will. I have absolutely no interest. So if anyone bothers to comment on this don’t say ‘happy birthday’, please and thank you. All I really know is that now I’m gonna be one year older and I genuinely don’t give a crap. I’m not even old yet, but I already could care less about aging. Everyday is just so meaningless and consists of a monotonous routine. And all I hear is jokes/real advice from people saying, “Don’t get old anytime soon! It sucks!” “Enjoy being young while you can! It only gets harder from here!” Thanks. I really needed to be reminded that I’m gonna be old, decrepit, and dead soon. Really makes me look forward to the “life” ahead of me! Speaking of which, that too is a joke. People saying things like, “Look froward to seeing all the great things you do in the future!” “I’m sure you have great plans ahead of you!” No I don’t. I don’t know what I’m gonna do and everyday feels more and more hopeless, pointless, worthless, almost vomit inducing. Genuinely, I feel sick. In every way possible! Everyone else gets to do great things and have great lives. They have a future, I do not. But whatever. I’m getting older and I have absolutely nothing to look forward to. I just don’t care that’s it’s a “new year.” No year has meant anything to me, and I really don’t think one will anytime soon. If anything I want the years to just...end. And soon. Every year that goes by I become more and more desperate. For what? I’m not even really sure myself anymore. I’ve literally had people say they don’t know what I want sometimes. And I don’t either. Do I wanna die? Perhaps. Do I want life to get better? Maybe? Does any of it matter? Doesn’t seem like it. Either way, I hope everyone else has a better year than I ever well.",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you have a monotonous life and feel hopeless about the future,,True,220 emd0k9,Anger when my SO is feeling sick,1b,rant,2,"We're both late teens if age is important. Almost every morning, we have plans for breakfast together. At least one morning each week, I'll wake up and call him, and he says that he's too tired and feeling too sick to go. We see eachother every other morning, so its not a huge deal. However, I can't help but feel a little bit resentful afterwards. Even if I woke up feeling like absolute shit, I'd still get up because I find it incredibly rude to cancel on someone. Today was one of those mornings, except now he's skipping school because he feels sick. Every time I ask him to explain what his ""sickness"" feels like, it doesn't sound like he's actually sick. It just sounds like the typical ""ughhhh im still so tired and I don't want to get out of bed yet"" grogginess and perhaps minimal nausea. He just needs to sit up and turn the lights on, and he'll wake up just fine, but he seems to be under the impression that he's sick and stays in bed, which doesn't help. This is a really stupid thing to get mad over, and maybe he is feeling genuinely sick. Im just getting so upset that I can always deal with a little bit of discomfort in order to not ruin someone elses plans, but he just can't seem to deal with it. We probably just have diffefent pain tolerances, butvim irrationally angry that his is not the same as mine, and I need help to not be a bitch about it. (I should mention that ive never mentioned this to him, or called him out for it, and I've been nothing but supportive when it happens. These are just the thoughts I think when it happens, and I hate how it makes me resent my boyfriend.)",gofuckyourselfsandi,1,0,5,2020-01-09 17:38:27,Anger,"We're both late teens if age is important. Almost every morning, we have plans for breakfast together. At least one morning each week, I'll wake up and call him, and he says that he's too tired and feeling too sick to go. We see eachother every other morning, so its not a huge deal. However, I can't help but feel a little bit resentful afterwards. Even if I woke up feeling like absolute shit, I'd still get up because I find it incredibly rude to cancel on someone. Today was one of those mornings, except now he's skipping school because he feels sick. Every time I ask him to explain what his ""sickness"" feels like, it doesn't sound like he's actually sick. It just sounds like the typical ""ughhhh im still so tired and I don't want to get out of bed yet"" grogginess and perhaps minimal nausea. He just needs to sit up and turn the lights on, and he'll wake up just fine, but he seems to be under the impression that he's sick and stays in bed, which doesn't help. This is a really stupid thing to get mad over, and maybe he is feeling genuinely sick. Im just getting so upset that I can always deal with a little bit of discomfort in order to not ruin someone elses plans, but he just can't seem to deal with it. We probably just have diffefent pain tolerances, butvim irrationally angry that his is not the same as mine, and I need help to not be a bitch about it. (I should mention that ive never mentioned this to him, or called him out for it, and I've been nothing but supportive when it happens. These are just the thoughts I think when it happens, and I hate how it makes me resent my boyfriend.)",2,2,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,the help you need,,True,221 emzxa5,The A Word,0,survey,2,"Today I stopped by the liquor store to get some cigarettes and a two-liter of soda. I really should steer clear of there because I was thinking the whole time about alcohol and how I could easily but just a tiny bit(but I stayed strong thinking I don't want to reset my sober date and reverse the progress I was making) As I was paying, a guy walks in asking if they had Hennessy, which they didn't. He walks out, and I finish up at the register. As I walk outside, the guy is posted by the door and asks me if I was single. I am not really interested in dating right now, and I usually make that clear but he was cute so I told him I was single. Then he asked me why I was drinking so early in the day (although he just tried buying Henesey?? and it was 3 PM) I explained how I just bought soda. That I actually don't drink because I’m an alcoholic. He asked me for my number, and I took his although I'm a hot mess. I wouldn't want to date me right now. The question I have for you guys is: Do you announce right away that you don't drink to possible love interests or new friends? Afterwards I felt somewhat stupid and ashamed. Not everyone is understanding of mental illness and disease, but I also don't want to be friends with someone who isn't open-minded.",Ne0ntreez88,1,0,4,2020-01-11 00:29:18,alcoholicsanonymous,"Today I stopped by the liquor store to get some cigarettes and a two-liter of soda. I really should steer clear of there because I was thinking the whole time about alcohol and how I could easily but just a tiny bit(but I stayed strong thinking I don't want to reset my sober date and reverse the progress I was making) As I was paying, a guy walks in asking if they had Hennessy, which they didn't. He walks out, and I finish up at the register. As I walk outside, the guy is posted by the door and asks me if I was single. I am not really interested in dating right now, and I usually make that clear but he was cute so I told him I was single. Then he asked me why I was drinking so early in the day (although he just tried buying Henesey?? and it was 3 PM) I explained how I just bought soda. That I actually don't drink because I’m an alcoholic. He asked me for my number, and I took his although I'm a hot mess. I wouldn't want to date me right now. The question I have for you guys is: Do you announce right away that you don't drink to possible love interests or new friends? Afterwards I felt somewhat stupid and ashamed. Not everyone is understanding of mental illness and disease, but I also don't want to be friends with someone who isn't open-minded.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ekue4e,Work frustration. Just venting.,1b,rant,1,"I have coworkers who constantly talk behind each other’s backs, especially about my supervisor. It’s incredibly anxiety inducing, since they speak in whispers. The likelihood that they are talking about me is low, but my anxiety tells me that they’re crap talking me behind my back as well. Sometimes I can deal. Others I just can’t keep my mind quiet and rational.",del869,1,0,1,2020-01-06 13:50:42,socialanxiety,"I have coworkers who constantly talk behind each other’s backs, especially about my supervisor. It’s incredibly anxiety inducing, since they speak in whispers. The likelihood that they are talking about me is low, but my anxiety tells me that they’re crap talking me behind my back as well. Sometimes I can deal. Others I just can’t keep my mind quiet and rational.",2,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,your coworkers behaviour,What do you need help with now that X?,your coworkers gossiping makes you anxious,,True,200 eong4m,My Story,1a,rant,2,"Okay, I've been self-medicating with over counter codeine (Solpadeine) since I had open heart surgery in 2003 aged 16. They helped with the PTSD I was left with after such invasive surgery. Depression and anxiety followed and took over my life. I met my partner in 2009 and we married in 2016. My use since then had become an addiction which I never shared fully and I have been heavily taking them for I would say the last two years. We sadly suffered a miscarriage last year following 3 years on a fertility program. My wife has had enough of the anger and mood swings which the drugs leave me with and has said her love for me has changed. In an attempt to get honest at last I told her the truth what I was abusing myself with and I have for the last 3 days been back living with my Mum to give her some space. I've not dealt with the miscarriage and we have not had face to conversation about it and the grief and loss we have experienced and how we have changed. I deeply love my wife and the contact since I left has been her feelings have changed and I should not hold onto any hope of a reconciliation. She did visit my GP with me on Saturday where it all came out and I start addiction therapy tomorrow where I hope I can also explore other aspects of my mental health. My desire for change to become the person she fell in love with is so strong and I just pray for her to see this and help me on my journey. I know she is so angry at me but I can't see a future with her in. I'm not sure what I hope to achieve with this ramble of thoughts but I need to put it out there for comments and the hope I desperately need that others have survived such things. Thank you for reading.",minter1986,1,0,2,2020-01-14 16:23:08,addiction,"Okay, I've been self-medicating with over counter codeine (Solpadeine) since I had open heart surgery in 2003 aged 16. They helped with the PTSD I was left with after such invasive surgery. Depression and anxiety followed and took over my life. I met my partner in 2009 and we married in 2016. My use since then had become an addiction which I never shared fully and I have been heavily taking them for I would say the last two years. We sadly suffered a miscarriage last year following 3 years on a fertility program. My wife has had enough of the anger and mood swings which the drugs leave me with and has said her love for me has changed. In an attempt to get honest at last I told her the truth what I was abusing myself with and I have for the last 3 days been back living with my Mum to give her some space. I've not dealt with the miscarriage and we have not had face to conversation about it and the grief and loss we have experienced and how we have changed. I deeply love my wife and the contact since I left has been her feelings have changed and I should not hold onto any hope of a reconciliation. She did visit my GP with me on Saturday where it all came out and I start addiction therapy tomorrow where I hope I can also explore other aspects of my mental health. My desire for change to become the person she fell in love with is so strong and I just pray for her to see this and help me on my journey. I know she is so angry at me but I can't see a future with her in. I'm not sure what I hope to achieve with this ramble of thoughts but I need to put it out there for comments and the hope I desperately need that others have survived such things. Thank you for reading.",2,1,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how drugs make you feel,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you get clean,,True,211 elcx68,Goodbye little guy,0,chitchat,2,,ominoushusband,1,0,3,2020-01-07 15:24:32,sad,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eo6jxr,Homicidal thoughts are getting out of control,1a,rant,1,"I have anxiety and mild OCD, due to which I cannot act accordingly at the moment of confrontation. But, I get regular homicidal thoughts about those people months or even years after the event. I feel like I'm about to snap. I know life is unfair, but here in India, damn... People and organizations are fucked up. Some people treat me like shit and I don't seem to forget or forgive. Sometimes, I get thoughts of forgiveness and love (I have this obsession of feeding homeless people and animals as much as I can, as soon as I get placed), moments later bammm!! Shooting people in the head or punching their brains out (whereas in real life I've never even killed a cockroach). Medicine corrects this issue by making my brain foggy, I hate that. I can't be productive while on medication. Posting stuff online among anonymous people ease the problem, somehow.",kutta_panchod44,1,0,3,2020-01-13 16:41:14,mentalillness,"I have anxiety and mild OCD, due to which I cannot act accordingly at the moment of confrontation. But, I get regular homicidal thoughts about those people months or even years after the event. I feel like I'm about to snap. I know life is unfair, but here in India, damn... People and organizations are fucked up. Some people treat me like shit and I don't seem to forget or forgive. Sometimes, I get thoughts of forgiveness and love (I have this obsession of feeding homeless people and animals as much as I can, as soon as I get placed), moments later bammm!! Shooting people in the head or punching their brains out (whereas in real life I've never even killed a cockroach). Medicine corrects this issue by making my brain foggy, I hate that. I can't be productive while on medication. Posting stuff online among anonymous people ease the problem, somehow.",2,1,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how the homicidal thoughts make you feel,What do you need help with now that X?,your homicidal thoughts are getting out of control,,True,210 ezmdwz,Twice and I'm only 18 .,1b,rant,2,"I don't care if I'm just screaming into the void; I just need to talk about it. When I was 15, I was assaulted by someone who I thought was my friend, in my home. He was 18 at the time and was one of the best hockey players in the state. I couldn't say no. I wanted to, but the words wouldn't come out of my mouth. I blamed myself so much for it, even though I rationally knew it wasn't my fault. I have been able to look myself in the mirror for almost 3 years now. I haven't felt pretty since that night. I learned to cope through nicotine, alcohol, and eventually sex. I hate that I have to use boys to validate myself. &#x200B; About a month ago, I went over to this boy's house. We had been on a date a couple months earlier and I thought he was really nice. We hadn't ever been on a second date because we live 30 minutes a part and we are both very busy. Nonetheless, I thought he was a good guy. I went over to his house knowing what he wanted, but I changed my mind. I told him I didn't want to have sex but I was okay with fooling around a little bit. At this point, I'm practically naked in his bed. He then tries to penetrate me. I tell him that I said no. He tries again. And again. And again. I kept telling him that I said **no.** I was trying to push him off me but he still kept trying. He did eventually give up, but he still had hurt me. I feel guilty because I went over knowing what he wanted and was doing other things with him, but I still made it very clear that I didn't want to have sex. Now I'm traumatized all over again. I feel so sick. &#x200B; I don't know what I did for this to happen to me twice before I even graduated high school. I don't know what to do.",environmentalheat01,1,0,2,2020-02-06 03:55:26,rapecounseling,"I don't care if I'm just screaming into the void; I just need to talk about it. When I was 15, I was assaulted by someone who I thought was my friend, in my home. He was 18 at the time and was one of the best hockey players in the state. I couldn't say no. I wanted to, but the words wouldn't come out of my mouth. I blamed myself so much for it, even though I rationally knew it wasn't my fault. I have been able to look myself in the mirror for almost 3 years now. I haven't felt pretty since that night. I learned to cope through nicotine, alcohol, and eventually sex. I hate that I have to use boys to validate myself. &#x200B; About a month ago, I went over to this boy's house. We had been on a date a couple months earlier and I thought he was really nice. We hadn't ever been on a second date because we live 30 minutes a part and we are both very busy. Nonetheless, I thought he was a good guy. I went over to his house knowing what he wanted, but I changed my mind. I told him I didn't want to have sex but I was okay with fooling around a little bit. At this point, I'm practically naked in his bed. He then tries to penetrate me. I tell him that I said no. He tries again. And again. And again. I kept telling him that I said **no.** I was trying to push him off me but he still kept trying. He did eventually give up, but he still had hurt me. I feel guilty because I went over knowing what he wanted and was doing other things with him, but I still made it very clear that I didn't want to have sex. Now I'm traumatized all over again. I feel so sick. &#x200B; I don't know what I did for this to happen to me twice before I even graduated high school. I don't know what to do.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eq8hd2,5 panel test and suboxone,0,help-seeking,1,"So I gotta take a drug test for the next few months due to legal troubles. My first one Tuesday of next week. I used fent Wednesday of this week and decided the next day to goto the clinic to get on Suboxone. Should the fent be out of my system by then? I have to take a 5 panel piss test idk how accurate they are, also will Suboxone show up on the test, is there a way to differentiate on the test?",Axeington,1,0,8,2020-01-17 23:34:50,OpiatesRecovery,"So I gotta take a drug test for the next few months due to legal troubles. My first one Tuesday of next week. I used fent Wednesday of this week and decided the next day to goto the clinic to get on Suboxone. Should the fent be out of my system by then? I have to take a 5 panel piss test idk how accurate they are, also will Suboxone show up on the test, is there a way to differentiate on the test?",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,using fent,,,,True,202 elql71,Messed up sleep schedule,1a,help-seeking,1,"I’ve come back to school from winter break and I have been constantly exhausted. I usually am tired most of the time so that didn’t concern me. What I’m most concerned about is that I’ve been falling asleep at 4-6 PM and waking up at 12-2AM. After waking up, I can’t go back to sleep. I struggle with insomnia so I never have a great sleep. I have had this before but a new symptom of mine is falling asleep with no recollection of laying down in the first place. If anyone has advice or questions that could help figure out what I need to do next (seek medical help, meds ect.) just let me know.",deardiary-by-k,1,0,2,2020-01-08 09:37:09,mentalillness,"I’ve come back to school from winter break and I have been constantly exhausted. I usually am tired most of the time so that didn’t concern me. What I’m most concerned about is that I’ve been falling asleep at 4-6 PM and waking up at 12-2AM. After waking up, I can’t go back to sleep. I struggle with insomnia so I never have a great sleep. I have had this before but a new symptom of mine is falling asleep with no recollection of laying down in the first place. If anyone has advice or questions that could help figure out what I need to do next (seek medical help, meds ect.) just let me know.",2,0,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,insomnia and involuntary sleeping,,,,True,202 ei9xh3,fuck 2020,1a,rant,1,"just relapsed,it's new year's and i am alone again and its my birthday..everyone forgot,and my gf doesn't even care..i hate everything and everyone fuck new year's and fuck my birthday",dumbie_x,1,0,3,2019-12-31 22:33:58,selfharm,"just relapsed,it's new year's and i am alone again and its my birthday..everyone forgot,and my gf doesn't even care..i hate everything and everyone fuck new year's and fuck my birthday",1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you relapsed,How did X make you feel?,the relapse ,What do you need help with now that X?,you relapsed again and feel alone,,True,100 ezeyv9,Can someone point me in the right direction? (Domestic Abuse),1b,help-seeking,1,"Hello, a female family member of mine is being abused by her spouse. It has been happening for a long time. It escalated yesterday and she had to run away. She will not report it to the police because she says he's a good guy, and he only acts this way when he is drunk. She also said that it's just her that sets him off. I tried to report it to police yesterday, but was told that because I am outside the city limits of where it occurred, they couldn't take a report. What can I do? I've been trying to find a way this morning to report it to someone, but there does not appear to be a mechanism for it anywhere. This has gone on long enough, but unless she reports it is doesn't seem like there is anything that can be done. Or is there? What can I do? She isn't making rational choices and she going to get hurt alot worse. Can someone please help?",RASCAL-TOUGH,1,0,3,2020-02-05 19:33:36,domesticviolence,"Hello, a female family member of mine is being abused by her spouse. It has been happening for a long time. It escalated yesterday and she had to run away. She will not report it to the police because she says he's a good guy, and he only acts this way when he is drunk. She also said that it's just her that sets him off. I tried to report it to police yesterday, but was told that because I am outside the city limits of where it occurred, they couldn't take a report. What can I do? I've been trying to find a way this morning to report it to someone, but there does not appear to be a mechanism for it anywhere. This has gone on long enough, but unless she reports it is doesn't seem like there is anything that can be done. Or is there? What can I do? She isn't making rational choices and she going to get hurt alot worse. Can someone please help?",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,the situation of your family member,,,,True,202 elwm8v,relapse,1a,help-seeking,1,i relapsed yesterday after a month of soberiety. i need words of encouragement and sorry for my typos. took my anxiety medication cause im super anxious and feel like shit. no meetings in my area so this is my meeting. help?,SpicyLuis,1,0,11,2020-01-08 18:26:19,alcoholicsanonymous,i relapsed yesterday after a month of sobriety. i need words of encouragement and sorry for my typos. took my anxiety medication cause im super anxious and feel like shit. no meetings in my area so this is my meeting. help?,1,2,1,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you relapsed,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you stay sober,,True,121 es7zvx,"I can’t actually remember it happening, but know it did",1a,help-seeking,3,"CW for somewhat graphic discussion of CSA I’m an FTM transgender man struggling with the realisation that a big ball of previously unexplained and rather concerning behaviours, memories and attitudes in my life were because I had been raped as a child. I’m in ongoing counselling about it all but I’m getting very messed up by the fact that I can’t remember exactly what happened. All I have are memories of the aftermath, and of what it did to me emotionally and mentally, but the rape itself is just a big blank. Not being able to remember the details is making me feel like I have no right to be having panic attacks when something sets me off thinking about it, and no matter how much concrete evidence I have that it happened (aside from the psychological effects CSA has, there were physical injuries to my genitalia that a sibling blithely confirmed as real and not misremembered) I can’t seem to wrap my head around what was done to me. I’ve been working through trigger logs with my therapist, noting what sets me off and what it does to me, but it’s still having effects on my life and relationships. I managed to tell my partner (also FTM) after three months, but while he’s very supportive and comforting, there’s only so much I can actually discuss before triggering his PTSD from his own rape. My best friend knows that there’s something serious that’s fucking me up and has calmly said she’ll help however she can and if I ever want a listening ear, she’s here for me, but I can’t bring myself to even begin to think of telling her because it’s such a taboo thing. It’s building up and having to wake from nightmares of being raped and then spend days feeling like my body is being touched all over again without any ways of alleviating it is wearing me down more than anything I know how to handle. My main coping mechanism is to just write everything I think and feel about this down as it happens, so I’ll remember it after the dissociation ends and I’ll know what happened during that time. Most things, like distractions or grounding techniques, just don’t work. I’ve even found myself deliberately resorting to coping mechanisms my younger self used to cope with the onset of puberty and sex drive (deliberately seeking out triggering material so that I can make my trauma feel real even if I can’t remember it). Is there anything anyone can recommend to just make this stop, even for a little while?",arcadia-road,1,0,1,2020-01-22 06:20:02,rapecounseling,"CW for somewhat graphic discussion of CSA I’m an FTM transgender man struggling with the realisation that a big ball of previously unexplained and rather concerning behaviours, memories and attitudes in my life were because I had been raped as a child. I’m in ongoing counselling about it all but I’m getting very messed up by the fact that I can’t remember exactly what happened. All I have are memories of the aftermath, and of what it did to me emotionally and mentally, but the rape itself is just a big blank. Not being able to remember the details is making me feel like I have no right to be having panic attacks when something sets me off thinking about it, and no matter how much concrete evidence I have that it happened (aside from the psychological effects CSA has, there were physical injuries to my genitalia that a sibling blithely confirmed as real and not misremembered) I can’t seem to wrap my head around what was done to me. I’ve been working through trigger logs with my therapist, noting what sets me off and what it does to me, but it’s still having effects on my life and relationships. I managed to tell my partner (also FTM) after three months, but while he’s very supportive and comforting, there’s only so much I can actually discuss before triggering his PTSD from his own rape. My best friend knows that there’s something serious that’s fucking me up and has calmly said she’ll help however she can and if I ever want a listening ear, she’s here for me, but I can’t bring myself to even begin to think of telling her because it’s such a taboo thing. It’s building up and having to wake from nightmares of being raped and then spend days feeling like my body is being touched all over again without any ways of alleviating it is wearing me down more than anything I know how to handle. My main coping mechanism is to just write everything I think and feel about this down as it happens, so I’ll remember it after the dissociation ends and I’ll know what happened during that time. Most things, like distractions or grounding techniques, just don’t work. I’ve even found myself deliberately resorting to coping mechanisms my younger self used to cope with the onset of puberty and sex drive (deliberately seeking out triggering material so that I can make my trauma feel real even if I can’t remember it). Is there anything anyone can recommend to just make this stop, even for a little while?",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eiol4c,IMO why VYVANSE is the king of ADHD medication,0,chitchat,3,"This is my own personal opinion and experience with the ADHD medication ""Vyvanse"" and why I belive it is the king of adhd medication. Sorry for the really long story but I wanted everyone to know the story of how and why it's so great for me. So I have been diagnosed with serious ADHD for about four years now, before that I was mis-diagnosed with severe hyper active anxiety disorder and was put on all of the Benzos you could think of, and yes they worked for the most part but not fully I mean why wouldn't it take your anxiety away when most of the bezo based anti anxiety medications put you on a different planet at certain dosages. Well finally my psychiatrist sent me to have behavioral health tests done and no I did not have anxiety stemming from anxiety based diagnosis it was from severe ADHD and at the time I did not belive ADHD could be causing this dreadful anxiety that I have dealt with for 5 years (I am 25 years old now). So here we go, my psychiatrist started me out on regular instant release ritalin and it worked but it didn't last long enough so on to concerta we went, it worked even better for my focus and anxiety but they are supposed to last 8-10 hours I swear I could have eaten 5 56mg capsules a day and it still would have barely gotten me through my work day (12 hour days as an industrial/commercial electrician very fast paced job) so by the time I was switched to the adderall side of the amphetamine family I was over the max dose recommended for concerta and it still wasnt cutting it. So next was adderall 20mg XR 2x a day and then 30mg xr 2x a day and this was the best thing yet this family was working so much better than the Methylphenidates and they lasted me about 6 hours a pill and I stuck with them for about 8 months but I still had residual symptoms of anxiety and lack of focus and motivation which got worse the more I built a tolerance to them. I won't go through the rest of the stimulant meds I tried but it was alot of them, the only one I know of that I haven't actually tried is ""Dexosyn"" which is 5mg of YES pharmaceutical Methamphetamine!! (If you have had dexosyn could you possibly leave a story/comment on your experience with them) Oh geez how I would love to have one prescription of those just one time for recreational use. But anyways after all of that here comes VYVANSE. He prescribed me the 50mg to start off with so I went to the pharmacy and filled them and took one. Well fuck I'm disappointed, it's been almost an hour and I dont feel a thing these must be worthless. I didn't know they can take anywhere between one to three hours to take effect. (One of the few downsides to this medication for me) Well I finally made it home and sat down on the couch and started watching tv and then BOOM it hit me. My focus became something out of this world and I had absolutely zero anxiety and not a worry in the world I had this enate feeling of wholesomeness and peace that I hadn't felt since I was a little kid. (This was what made me fall in love with vyvanse the way that I did) I just couldn't belive it my life has been changed I have found my miracle pill is what I instantly thought to myself. The next day I took my dose before work and I swear it was the most productive and awesome day I've ever had since I started working at 15 it was just unbelievable, I wanted to engage conversations, I wanted to go above and beyond on my work, I actually WANTED to work. Vyvanse is one capsule a day its comes in 10 20 30 40 50 60 70mg dosages I started on 50 and am now on the 70's two years later. Vyvanse will last me 12 hours after taking it and for 10 of those hours it's the exact same feeling at hour 10 as it was when it first kicked in, that's just amazing. The last 2 hours is a very slow and comfortable ""come down"" you're eyelids just get a little heavy and you could snuggle up with your blanket and go right to sleep. This is awesome for me as well because with concerta the come down was the most horrible thing I've ever experienced with a prescription medication come down and adderall wasnt as bad but was still bad. But vyvanse is just smooth sailing. The same goes for the ""come up"" it comes in so smoothly and easily that you barely notice it, everything just kind of changes at the snap of a finger when it kicks in but it's so smooth it's not all jittery and scattered like adderall and ritalin. My two biggest downsides to this medication is 1. The amount of time it takes to kick in, it's kind of unpredictable sometimes. Most of the time it's an hour to and hour and a half but I have had quite a few times that it's been two to three hours so I dont like that because of work. 2. It either makes me pee like a mad man or it makes it to where I'm so dehydrated it's not even funny theres no in between for some reason even with proper water intake. My Three favorite things are 1. The amount of time that it consistently works from start to beginning. 2. The ""comedown"" at the end of the day is barely noticeable no horrible mood swings and irritation or depression. 3. How well all around in general it has worked for me and taking away my anxiety and giving me focus and motivation. I've been taking it for 2.5 years I belive and I've noticed almost no tolerance gain to it like all the others I have tried. So this is my story of vyvanse, I would love to see some of your stories and experiences with this medication as well. For all those who are still trying to find there perfect adhd med, you will get there it takes time. I highly suggest talking to your DR about vyvanse If you haven't tried it",Stimzman,1,0,1,2020-01-01 22:06:22,ADHD,"This is my own personal opinion and experience with the ADHD medication ""Vyvanse"" and why I belive it is the king of adhd medication. Sorry for the really long story but I wanted everyone to know the story of how and why it's so great for me. So I have been diagnosed with serious ADHD for about four years now, before that I was mis-diagnosed with severe hyper active anxiety disorder and was put on all of the Benzos you could think of, and yes they worked for the most part but not fully I mean why wouldn't it take your anxiety away when most of the bezo based anti anxiety medications put you on a different planet at certain dosages. Well finally my psychiatrist sent me to have behavioral health tests done and no I did not have anxiety stemming from anxiety based diagnosis it was from severe ADHD and at the time I did not belive ADHD could be causing this dreadful anxiety that I have dealt with for 5 years (I am 25 years old now). So here we go, my psychiatrist started me out on regular instant release ritalin and it worked but it didn't last long enough so on to concerta we went, it worked even better for my focus and anxiety but they are supposed to last 8-10 hours I swear I could have eaten 5 56mg capsules a day and it still would have barely gotten me through my work day (12 hour days as an industrial/commercial electrician very fast paced job) so by the time I was switched to the adderall side of the amphetamine family I was over the max dose recommended for concerta and it still wasnt cutting it. So next was adderall 20mg XR 2x a day and then 30mg xr 2x a day and this was the best thing yet this family was working so much better than the Methylphenidates and they lasted me about 6 hours a pill and I stuck with them for about 8 months but I still had residual symptoms of anxiety and lack of focus and motivation which got worse the more I built a tolerance to them. I won't go through the rest of the stimulant meds I tried but it was alot of them, the only one I know of that I haven't actually tried is ""Dexosyn"" which is 5mg of YES pharmaceutical Methamphetamine!! (If you have had dexosyn could you possibly leave a story/comment on your experience with them) Oh geez how I would love to have one prescription of those just one time for recreational use. But anyways after all of that here comes VYVANSE. He prescribed me the 50mg to start off with so I went to the pharmacy and filled them and took one. Well fuck I'm disappointed, it's been almost an hour and I dont feel a thing these must be worthless. I didn't know they can take anywhere between one to three hours to take effect. (One of the few downsides to this medication for me) Well I finally made it home and sat down on the couch and started watching tv and then BOOM it hit me. My focus became something out of this world and I had absolutely zero anxiety and not a worry in the world I had this enate feeling of wholesomeness and peace that I hadn't felt since I was a little kid. (This was what made me fall in love with vyvanse the way that I did) I just couldn't belive it my life has been changed I have found my miracle pill is what I instantly thought to myself. The next day I took my dose before work and I swear it was the most productive and awesome day I've ever had since I started working at 15 it was just unbelievable, I wanted to engage conversations, I wanted to go above and beyond on my work, I actually WANTED to work. Vyvanse is one capsule a day its comes in 10 20 30 40 50 60 70mg dosages I started on 50 and am now on the 70's two years later. Vyvanse will last me 12 hours after taking it and for 10 of those hours it's the exact same feeling at hour 10 as it was when it first kicked in, that's just amazing. The last 2 hours is a very slow and comfortable ""come down"" you're eyelids just get a little heavy and you could snuggle up with your blanket and go right to sleep. This is awesome for me as well because with concerta the come down was the most horrible thing I've ever experienced with a prescription medication come down and adderall wasnt as bad but was still bad. But vyvanse is just smooth sailing. The same goes for the ""come up"" it comes in so smoothly and easily that you barely notice it, everything just kind of changes at the snap of a finger when it kicks in but it's so smooth it's not all jittery and scattered like adderall and ritalin. My two biggest downsides to this medication is 1. The amount of time it takes to kick in, it's kind of unpredictable sometimes. Most of the time it's an hour to and hour and a half but I have had quite a few times that it's been two to three hours so I dont like that because of work. 2. It either makes me pee like a mad man or it makes it to where I'm so dehydrated it's not even funny theres no in between for some reason even with proper water intake. My Three favorite things are 1. The amount of time that it consistently works from start to beginning. 2. The ""comedown"" at the end of the day is barely noticeable no horrible mood swings and irritation or depression. 3. How well all around in general it has worked for me and taking away my anxiety and giving me focus and motivation. I've been taking it for 2.5 years I belive and I've noticed almost no tolerance gain to it like all the others I have tried. So this is my story of vyvanse, I would love to see some of your stories and experiences with this medication as well. For all those who are still trying to find there perfect adhd med, you will get there it takes time. I highly suggest talking to your DR about vyvanse If you haven't tried it",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 eihllm,I wonder how many of our New Year's resolutions will involve not wasting time on Reddit?,0,chitchat,1,"Not me this year, though. This year, I'm setting myself up for success. My resolution is to pick up miniature alcohol bottles on my walks. I started today and I already found 20. It's going to be a great year.",ratrat1595,1,0,7,2020-01-01 11:51:38,ADHD,"Not me this year, though. This year, I'm setting myself up for success. My resolution is to pick up miniature alcohol bottles on my walks. I started today and I already found 20. It's going to be a great year.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 emqt5e,Self-improvement Overconsumption - is self-help really helping us?,0,survey,2,"Hey guys, I would like to share something I have been thinking about lately and that is how when we get into self-improvement we tend to focus too much on information instead of actually putting the work in. Watching another video, reading another article, reading another book, we get bogged down in this ""tips and tricks"" accumulation, and we fail to put them into practice. To get anything out of what we accumulate, we have to turn consumption into action. I wrote a more extensive discussion of this on my blog, if you would like to check it out you can do so here: [https://ramblingandrej.com/uncategorized/from-consumption-to-action-how-self-help-is-not-helping-you/](https://ramblingandrej.com/uncategorized/from-consumption-to-action-how-self-help-is-not-helping-you/) So, I wanted to ask you, what is your method of actually applying what you learn? Do you minimize how much you consume? Do you take breaks when reading? Do you make notes and then go through them regularly? Do you focus on one habit at a time? I found note-taking and consumption minimization extremely helpful. It puts you into the right frame of mind when you decide to read or watch something. You listen attentively, note down your thoughts as they hit you, go through them again, try to run the ideas home, remind yourself of them later. This deliberate approach, however, allows you to consume only so much and sometimes the fear of missing out can hit you. But I had to realize that to get going you need only so much information, and after action is always better than consumption. So what do you think? Andrej",AndJurg,1,0,4,2020-01-10 13:19:03,selfhelp,"Hey guys, I would like to share something I have been thinking about lately and that is how when we get into self-improvement we tend to focus too much on information instead of actually putting the work in. Watching another video, reading another article, reading another book, we get bogged down in this ""tips and tricks"" accumulation, and we fail to put them into practice. To get anything out of what we accumulate, we have to turn consumption into action. I wrote a more extensive discussion of this on my blog, if you would like to check it out you can do so here: [https://ramblingandrej.com/uncategorized/from-consumption-to-action-how-self-help-is-not-helping-you/](https://ramblingandrej.com/uncategorized/from-consumption-to-action-how-self-help-is-not-helping-you/) So, I wanted to ask you, what is your method of actually applying what you learn? Do you minimize how much you consume? Do you take breaks when reading? Do you make notes and then go through them regularly? Do you focus on one habit at a time? I found note-taking and consumption minimization extremely helpful. It puts you into the right frame of mind when you decide to read or watch something. You listen attentively, note down your thoughts as they hit you, go through them again, try to run the ideas home, remind yourself of them later. This deliberate approach, however, allows you to consume only so much and sometimes the fear of missing out can hit you. But I had to realize that to get going you need only so much information, and after action is always better than consumption. So what do you think? Andrej",2,0,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,your ideology about self help,,,,True,202 ejg7gq,Dreaming about ppl seeing my scars,0,rant,2,"Not in the way of like “hm I kinda wish ppl would see my scars” but like, I actually dream about being in a situation where I can’t hide my scars or they’re right in plain view of someone like a family member or something and there’s no going back on that. Not really questioning why I got this dream, just felt like mentioning it/seeing how many ppl relate (probs quite a lot I’d imagine) bcus I’ve been thinking about it lately and realized how much (for me, anyways) dreams reflect a lot of the psyche and perhaps the subconscious. Feel like this dream/type of dream is a reflection of my current insecurity over ppl seeing my scars - I’ve been getting back into working out at the gym lately and have been wearing short sleeves since I don’t want to sweat/look even weirder for working out in a hoodie, and even tho the scars on my arm aren’t big they can be visible and I don’t really want to draw attention to myself ;;;; (even tho I know that really it doesn’t matter and I should wear what I want, I don’t like having attention drawn to myself much in general, or at least I don’t like it when I’m uncertain if it will go well or not)",SpiderHighwayToSpace,9,0,7,2020-01-03 14:37:46,selfharm,"Not in the way of like “hm I kinda wish ppl would see my scars” but like, I actually dream about being in a situation where I can’t hide my scars or they’re right in plain view of someone like a family member or something and there’s no going back on that. Not really questioning why I got this dream, just felt like mentioning it/seeing how many ppl relate (probs quite a lot I’d imagine) bcus I’ve been thinking about it lately and realized how much (for me, anyways) dreams reflect a lot of the psyche and perhaps the subconscious. Feel like this dream/type of dream is a reflection of my current insecurity over ppl seeing my scars - I’ve been getting back into working out at the gym lately and have been wearing short sleeves since I don’t want to sweat/look even weirder for working out in a hoodie, and even tho the scars on my arm aren’t big they can be visible and I don’t really want to draw attention to myself ;;;; (even tho I know that really it doesn’t matter and I should wear what I want, I don’t like having attention drawn to myself much in general, or at least I don’t like it when I’m uncertain if it will go well or not)",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are having dreams about people seeing you scars,,True,220 eiiw1z,Beating a cocaine addiction,1a,chitchat,2,"I was heavily dependent on cocaine for a good 2 years. Started off using it gradually then got involved in the drugs trade witch didn’t help having it around me all the time I ended up doing about 3.5 grams a day completely ruined my nose and dropped about 4 stone in weight that’s about 56 pounds. The come downs became so severe it left me with crippling anxiety. Took about a year of telling myself I need to stop this before I managed to kick the habit the day I stopped being involved with cocaine was the last time I did any that was last June so been free of drugs for 7 months now. Was the hardest thing I’ve ever done but it’s possible with the right support. Happy to give anyone advice going through addiction or to discus.",BD9416,1,0,6,2020-01-01 14:31:42,addiction,I was heavily dependent on cocaine for a good 2 years. Started off using it gradually then got involved in the drugs trade witch didn’t help having it around me all the time I ended up doing about 3.5 grams a day completely ruined my nose and dropped about 4 stone in weight that’s about 56 pounds. The come downs became so severe it left me with crippling anxiety. Took about a year of telling myself I need to stop this before I managed to kick the habit the day I stopped being involved with cocaine was the last time I did any that was last June so been free of drugs for 7 months now. Was the hardest thing I’ve ever done but it’s possible with the right support. Happy to give anyone advice going through addiction or to discus.,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 eisqmr,[TW] God... damn it...,1a,rant,2,"I spent the first night of the year crying and cutting myself. I hate this. I'm 20. I shouldn't be bawling my eyes out like a child. Why the fuck am I like this? My parents keep pressing that I need to learn to drive--I totally agree--need to get a job--also agree--and get my last class out of the way--again, agree. I'm right on the verge of finally getting over a horrible sickness that lasted more than a month, trying desperately to not stress myself out since I've been practically tearing my hair out recently with anxiety. I still need to get a neurology appointment to see if I can even legally drive, and I'm waiting on that. Every day it's ""When are you going to learn to drive!? When are you going to get a job!?"" I don't blame them though. I've never had a real job in their eyes and I'm fucking 20. I'm such a loser and a failure. And now that my stupid Crohn's has come back, I break physically when I break mentally. I have to do shit at a snail's pace or else my health goes to complete shit and I end up in the hospital. I fucking hate myself. This world wasn't made for disgusting disease ridden retards like me. I wish my past attempts worked. I'm letting everyone down. I want to fucking die.",schwenomorph,1,0,9,2020-01-02 03:40:35,mentalillness,"I spent the first night of the year crying and cutting myself. I hate this. I'm 20. I shouldn't be bawling my eyes out like a child. Why the fuck am I like this? My parents keep pressing that I need to learn to drive--I totally agree--need to get a job--also agree--and get my last class out of the way--again, agree. I'm right on the verge of finally getting over a horrible sickness that lasted more than a month, trying desperately to not stress myself out since I've been practically tearing my hair out recently with anxiety. I still need to get a neurology appointment to see if I can even legally drive, and I'm waiting on that. Every day it's ""When are you going to learn to drive!? When are you going to get a job!?"" I don't blame them though. I've never had a real job in their eyes and I'm fucking 20. I'm such a loser and a failure. And now that my stupid Crohn's has come back, I break physically when I break mentally. I have to do shit at a snail's pace or else my health goes to complete shit and I end up in the hospital. I fucking hate myself. This world wasn't made for disgusting disease ridden retards like me. I wish my past attempts worked. I'm letting everyone down. I want to fucking die.",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you break mentally due to relapsing of Crohn's,suicidal,True,220 f58grp,Neighbour is abused how can I help her?,1b,help-seeking,2,"I live in a set of apartments. A couple live right next to me and the walls are paper thin I can hear everything. I'm not home much during the day but I always hear them arguing in late afternoon into the night. On days I have off I don't hear much so I think they're both gone all day and are only home in afternoons. When I listen to them arguing (and I'm not trying to pry but they're pretty loud so it's harder not to listen) it's clear that the guy is abusing her. I can hear her begging for him to stop hitting her. Things like that. When I first moved and heard them I knocked on there door to make sure everything was ok. The girl answered the door and said she was fine. So I left it alone But the other night I woke to what I thought was someone knocking on my door and crying? I went outside and it was the lady next door but she wasent knockin on my door she was knocking on her own door. Turns out her boyfriend had kicked her out at nearly 2 in the morning in freezing cold and she was only in her undies and a shirt. Not even any socks or shoes or anything right and ive got a jumper on and everything and I'm still cold so she must've been freezing. She told me he had her phone and keys and everything in her and wasent letting her back in. I offered her to come in to my place out of the cold. But she dident want to which is understandable since I'm a guy who lives alone and she dident know me. She also dident want to take anything from me I offered her clothes and to use my phone but I think she was a bit scared of me so didn't want anything from me. Anyway he eventually let her back in and I went back to sleep. But woke up later to the guy screaming at her and I could hear things being broken. That morning when I was on my way out to work I saw the girl again she looked very messed up had a swollen face and everything. I told her I could ring the police so she can get help. She told me not to. I asked her why and she just said to leave her alone basically. So I've been leaving her alone but the arguing seems to be getting worse it honestly sounds like the guy is gonna kill her or something. Is there anything I can do to help ? I know she dosent want help but I feel bad not doing anything I'm moving out of the complex soon and I feel so bad that I haven't helped this girl yet. I was thinking of just calling the police but I know they can't do anything if the girl refuses help right? And I also don't want to make things worse for the poor girl. Advice?",MaleficentCapital5,1,0,10,2020-02-17 13:05:33,domesticviolence,I live in a set of apartments. A couple live right next to me and the walls are paper thin I can hear everything. I'm not home much during the day but I always hear them arguing in late afternoon into the night. On days I have off I don't hear much so I think they're both gone all day and are only home in afternoons. When I listen to them arguing (and I'm not trying to pry but they're pretty loud so it's harder not to listen) it's clear that the guy is abusing her. I can hear her begging for him to stop hitting her. Things like that. When I first moved and heard them I knocked on there door to make sure everything was ok. The girl answered the door and said she was fine. So I left it alone But the other night I woke to what I thought was someone knocking on my door and crying? I went outside and it was the lady next door but she wasent knockin on my door she was knocking on her own door. Turns out her boyfriend had kicked her out at nearly 2 in the morning in freezing cold and she was only in her undies and a shirt. Not even any socks or shoes or anything right and ive got a jumper on and everything and I'm still cold so she must've been freezing. She told me he had her phone and keys and everything in her and wasent letting her back in. I offered her to come in to my place out of the cold. But she dident want to which is understandable since I'm a guy who lives alone and she dident know me. She also dident want to take anything from me I offered her clothes and to use my phone but I think she was a bit scared of me so didn't want anything from me. Anyway he eventually let her back in and I went back to sleep. But woke up later to the guy screaming at her and I could hear things being broken. That morning when I was on my way out to work I saw the girl again she looked very messed up had a swollen face and everything. I told her I could ring the police so she can get help. She told me not to. I asked her why and she just said to leave her alone basically. So I've been leaving her alone but the arguing seems to be getting worse it honestly sounds like the guy is gonna kill her or something. Is there anything I can do to help ? I know she dosent want help but I feel bad not doing anything I'm moving out of the complex soon and I feel so bad that I haven't helped this girl yet. I was thinking of just calling the police but I know they can't do anything if the girl refuses help right? And I also don't want to make things worse for the poor girl. Advice?,2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 elixcj,"Phone addiction, need help!",1a,help-seeking,1,"So I thought once I stopped using social media, I would be able to stay off of my phone. It’s been a week and I still can’t put the thing down. I don’t even miss social media, it was easy to give up. Something about having it in my hand, playing games, or even flipping through my home screen apps... I can’t stop. I can’t even watch movies. I don’t know what to do. I know this sounds so stupid. I’ve never been addicted to anything, not drugs, cigarettes, food, etc. I hate this compulsion. I know most of the posts on here are about drugs but I can’t find a better place to ask.",dogtitts,1,0,4,2020-01-07 22:27:13,addiction,"So I thought once I stopped using social media, I would be able to stay off of my phone. It’s been a week and I still can’t put the thing down. I don’t even miss social media, it was easy to give up. Something about having it in my hand, playing games, or even flipping through my home screen apps... I can’t stop. I can’t even watch movies. I don’t know what to do. I know this sounds so stupid. I’ve never been addicted to anything, not drugs, cigarettes, food, etc. I hate this compulsion. I know most of the posts on here are about drugs but I can’t find a better place to ask.",2,1,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel without your phone,What do you need help with now that X?,you hate your phone addiction,,True,210 eu076p,How do you know if you should go to therapy?,0,help-seeking,1,"Quite self explanatory question, but wanted to know what's a good pointer that you should get help before your mental health declines further?",Ekblackshaw,1,0,4,2020-01-26 01:44:00,selfhelp,"How do you know if you should go to therapy? Quite self explanatory question, but wanted to know what's a good pointer that you should get help before your mental health declines further?",0,0,2,What happened that you want X ?,to go to therapy,Why are you wanting X ?,to get help for your mental health,,,,True,002 elf384,Tips for Improving Concentration?,1a,help-seeking,1,"For the past year-ish, I've been struggling more and more with my memory and concentration. It took several months to finally get a PTSD diagnosis and start treatment, but my memory/concentration still feel like they're deteriorating. I'm about to medically retire from the Navy so I've been working more on writing, but the lack of focus makes it VERY difficult. I've tried working in spurts or switching between projects like I used to do at work, but it hasn't been productive. (It has taken me 6 hours total to edit two pages of my current manuscript...) I'd love some ideas on how to boost my concentration!",jazzyjbox,1,0,1,2020-01-07 18:01:58,ptsd,"For the past year-ish, I've been struggling more and more with my memory and concentration. It took several months to finally get a PTSD diagnosis and start treatment, but my memory/concentration still feel like they're deteriorating. I'm about to medically retire from the Navy so I've been working more on writing, but the lack of focus makes it VERY difficult. I've tried working in spurts or switching between projects like I used to do at work, but it hasn't been productive. (It has taken me 6 hours total to edit two pages of my current manuscript...) I'd love some ideas on how to boost my concentration!",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,your lack of concentration,,,,True,202 eisas5,Do nightmares/flashbacks ever stop?,1a,help-seeking,2,"It feels unbearable. I was sexually abused and forced into prostitution as a child and it took me so many years to get out of that situation, and now it's like I can't stop reliving it. The nightmares I have when I sleep are so terrible, people who have slept next to me before have told me that I move really violently in my sleep and mumble things like the words 'no' and 'stop' and sound like I'm in pain, and waking up from them is always the worst, sometimes I'll wake up in the middle of hyperventilating, thinking that I'm going to die and it takes me ages to calm down and be reassured that I'm somewhere safe, other times I'll feel so shocked and sick to my stomach that I'll just go to the bathroom and throw up. They're always so vivid and that's what I hate about them the most, it feels like I go right back to that place again every time I go to sleep. There are times where I don't sleep for days just to avoid having one and it's so miserable, forcing myself to stay up for such long periods of time, but it's all I can do. Sometimes I don't eat for days too because I feel so sick from it all and don't know how else to deal with anything. Flashbacks are the worst, sometimes I'll have days where I just have one after the other and it feels nonstop and like I'll never get out. It makes me feel helpless and paralyzed, like I can't move or speak even after it's over. It's so scary because I'll get stuck in these states where I'll be going through everything again and I can't get out of it, and all anyone else sees is me dissociating and rocking back and forth, sometimes crying, and it probably makes me look completely insane but I can't control it, they just hit me and I can't stop it and I don't know what to do. Sometimes I genuinely can't separate what's happening from what's not and it's so fucking scary, I feel like my life is just one big flashback and nightmare sometimes, I'm so busy being thrown back into my past and having to relive it over and over that I hardly get to take in the life that I currently have. It's so hard. Surely I can't live like this forever. I was diagnosed with PTSD at 14 but it got super bad at the beginning of 2019 and just has not stopped. Please tell me things will get easier eventually.",grangersthrowaway,1,0,3,2020-01-02 03:03:51,ptsd,"It feels unbearable. I was sexually abused and forced into prostitution as a child and it took me so many years to get out of that situation, and now it's like I can't stop reliving it. The nightmares I have when I sleep are so terrible. people who have slept next to me before have told me that I move really violently in my sleep and mumble things like the words 'no' and 'stop' and sound like I'm in pain, and waking up from them is always the worst. sometimes I'll wake up in the middle of hyperventilating, thinking that I'm going to die and it takes me ages to calm down and be reassured that I'm somewhere safe. other times I'll feel so shocked and sick to my stomach that I'll just go to the bathroom and throw up. They're always so vivid and that's what I hate about them the most, it feels like I go right back to that place again every time I go to sleep. There are times where I don't sleep for days just to avoid having one and it's so miserable, forcing myself to stay up for such long periods of time, but it's all I can do. Sometimes I don't eat for days too because I feel so sick from it all and don't know how else to deal with anything. Flashbacks are the worst, sometimes I'll have days where I just have one after the other and it feels nonstop and like I'll never get out. It makes me feel helpless and paralyzed, like I can't move or speak even after it's over. It's so scary because I'll get stuck in these states where I'll be going through everything again and I can't get out of it, and all anyone else sees is me dissociating and rocking back and forth, sometimes crying, and it probably makes me look completely insane but I can't control it. they just hit me and I can't stop it and I don't know what to do. Sometimes I genuinely can't separate what's happening from what's not and it's so fucking scary.I feel like my life is just one big flashback and nightmare sometimes. I'm so busy being thrown back into my past and having to relive it over and over that I hardly get to take in the life that I currently have. It's so hard. Surely I can't live like this forever. I was diagnosed with PTSD at 14 but it got super bad at the beginning of 2019 and just has not stopped. Please tell me things will get easier eventually.",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you control the flashbacks,,True,221 emcxd3,Subs 8mg 2 times a day,0,help-seeking,1,Went to the doctor yesterday to stop using heroin and oxy. I was snorting like 3 bags a day or 2 30s a day if i didn't have H. I obviously went to get subs and he put me on 8mg films 2 times daily. Does that seem like a high dose? Im feeling kinda better...not sick but my anxiety is sky high. Any imput? Would less do more or does this seem like an adequate dose.,lizzikins85,1,0,16,2020-01-09 17:32:22,OpiatesRecovery,Went to the doctor yesterday to stop using heroin and oxy. I was snorting like 3 bags a day or 2 30s a day if i didn't have H. I obviously went to get subs and he put me on 8mg films 2 times daily. Does that seem like a high dose? Im feeling kinda better...not sick but my anxiety is sky high. Any input? Would less do more or does this seem like an adequate dose.,2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 elntoc,....,1a,rant,1,"My life isn’t bad. I shouldn’t complain. I just feel unloved sometimes. I just take everything to heart.(What a fucking blessing and curse.) I’m just overly sensitive, exaggerative, immature, irresponsible, stubborn, and fucking stupid. I hate myself. Gah. That’s it.",pongobongomongo,1,0,4,2020-01-08 04:43:01,sad,"My life isn’t bad. I shouldn’t complain. I just feel unloved sometimes. I just take everything to heart.(What a fucking blessing and curse.) I’m just overly sensitive, exaggerative, immature, irresponsible, stubborn, and fucking stupid. I hate myself. Gah. That’s it.",1,2,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you feel unloved,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel unloved,,True,120 eoxlip,Day one,1b,rant,2,"So I went out with a girl friend last night for drinks and dinner, got completely wasted, made out with some random guy and drove home. My boyfriend had followed me to the bar and he saw it all. Needless to say, he broke up with me. I guess he followed me home and confronted me and I said some awful things and got physical with him but I don’t remember any of that. I am honestly not that upset about the relationship- it’s toxic (in case you hadn’t realized that by now) and he has his share of issues so it’s good it’s over. I have also broken up with him four times before and he always gets me to come back so I think this will keep him away. (He is a stalker though) I wrote him a note apologizing and let him tell me how awful I was - not sure I can do much else. I’m 41. I have been drinking heavily since my late teens. I have blacked out three times in the past month and one time we were in Vegas and I had to be carried to the room. In my head I am a good person but I am really hating myself and what I have become. I do not know how to stop drinking though - I was supposed to be sober this whole month. I can’t get through one day w/o drinking. I spend my life hungover. Guess I’m just venting so thanks for reading.",taytayboy,1,0,6,2020-01-15 04:46:16,alcoholicsanonymous,"So I went out with a girl friend last night for drinks and dinner, got completely wasted, made out with some random guy and drove home. My boyfriend had followed me to the bar and he saw it all. Needless to say, he broke up with me. I guess he followed me home and confronted me and I said some awful things and got physical with him but I don’t remember any of that. I am honestly not that upset about the relationship- it’s toxic (in case you hadn’t realized that by now) and he has his share of issues so it’s good it’s over. I have also broken up with him four times before and he always gets me to come back so I think this will keep him away. (He is a stalker though) I wrote him a note apologizing and let him tell me how awful I was - not sure I can do much else. I’m 41. I have been drinking heavily since my late teens. I have blacked out three times in the past month and one time we were in Vegas and I had to be carried to the room. In my head I am a good person but I am really hating myself and what I have become. I do not know how to stop drinking though - I was supposed to be sober this whole month. I can’t get through one day w/o drinking. I spend my life hungover. Guess I’m just venting so thanks for reading.",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,being seen drunk by your boyfriend,,,,True,202 ekz6sa,I can't be the only one right?,0,rant,1,,Akihi_,1,0,0,2020-01-06 19:48:45,socialanxiety,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ei8lb1,"We come into this world alone , go through life alone , die alone",0,rant,1,"Yes we meet people throughout our life but they’re not with us all the time . The only person that’s always with you ... is yourself , it’s weird to think about .",jay-sid-,1,0,0,2019-12-31 20:46:23,depression,"Yes we meet people throughout our life but they’re not with us all the time . The only person that’s always with you ... is yourself , it’s weird to think about .",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,thought,True,000 ekfocd,There’s nothing I can do,0,rant,2,"I can’t change the way waves crash on the shore. I can’t stop the sun from setting. I can’t stop you from moving on, from finding a new happiness without me. I can’t stop you. I won’t stop you. I can’t make it hard on you in this transition...but i can’t make it easy either. I refuse to just let you walk away like what we have isn’t special. It is. I know you see it. Even if you don’t want it anymore. I KNOW that we both know the weight our love brings. What we have is special. I truly hope you find everything you search for. I wish nothing but blessings unto you. It’s all love because real love doesn’t stop. Some days I can’t take this pain..some days I get through it. I’ll go through what I need as long as you’re doing what’s best for you. I am strong. And even when I truly do not feel it...I am okay. I’ll love you through it all...even with a knife in my heart. These tears won’t last forever. Eventually it will make sense again. I’ll find peace again. Understanding. I’ll keep walking.",mixedboybangedbylife,1,0,0,2020-01-05 17:05:44,sad,"I can’t change the way waves crash on the shore. I can’t stop the sun from setting. I can’t stop you from moving on, from finding a new happiness without me. I can’t stop you. I won’t stop you. I can’t make it hard on you in this transition...but i can’t make it easy either. I refuse to just let you walk away like what we have isn’t special. It is. I know you see it. Even if you don’t want it anymore. I KNOW that we both know the weight our love brings. What we have is special. I truly hope you find everything you search for. I wish nothing but blessings unto you. It’s all love because real love doesn’t stop. Some days I can’t take this pain..some days I get through it. I’ll go through what I need as long as you’re doing what’s best for you. I am strong. And even when I truly do not feel it...I am okay. I’ll love you through it all...even with a knife in my heart. These tears won’t last forever. Eventually it will make sense again. I’ll find peace again. Understanding. I’ll keep walking.",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you aren't able to move on from the relationship,,True,220 f8jb5a,My Anger Cost Me What Could Have Been a Very Good Relationship (xpost /r/relationships),0,help-seeking,3,"Hello all, I have already posted this in /r/relationships however it was removed due to the mods thinking it belonged here. Because I feel like I was getting some very good advice I'd like to keep the post alive. Also I hope that maybe this will resonate with someone in this sub and discussion can help some of you also. I would finally like to include that I have never visited this sub before so I apologize in advance if this doesn't quite fit here, either. I was introduced to a girl about a week ago. I've been single for a little over a year now, and for the past few months have been actively seeking a relationship. So I go out with this girl, not really knowing what to expect but I'm game for anything. We hit it off REALLY well, and actually ended up making out in my truck for about an hour. I was definitely dtf but I could tell that she didn't seem like she wanted to go that far on a first date so I didn't bring it up other than to make a joke about sex being more of a 3rd or 4th date kind of thing. Because we hit it off so well, we agreed to meet up a couple days later for lunch while she was between classes (She is a college student). At the end of it we kissed a bit but not as much as the first date. This was fine with me as we were in a kind of public place with a lot of traffic going by and I'm not big on PDA. We ended up going on a third date a couple days later, and at the end of that date I brought up the idea of us being in a relationship. It was probably a bit soon for that, seeing as how we'd only known each other for about a week at that point, but I was genuinely excited about this girl and I can honestly say that doesn't happen very often. She seemed agreeable to the idea of a relationship, which I interpreted as her being willing at that point to become exclusive with each other. Turns out I was wrong about that, but nbd, she wanted to keep seeing me for a while and I was totally fine with her needing more time because like I said we had only known each other for about a week. That brings us to yesterday. She had mentioned earlier in the week that she'd be spending her saturday at her grandparent's new house getting her new room set up. I asked if she was ok with me stopping by on my way to visit some of my family, and she told me that was fine, she would need some help moving stuff around. So I showed up at her house that morning, her grandparents were there and I helped them take care of some things to get the house ready to live in. At lunch, we went to go eat at a local restaurant, while her grandparents stayed behind to work some more. When we got back, she expressed some dismay at her grandparents still being present, which I interpreted as her wanting some time alone. I helped her grandfather move her mattress and box spring to her room upstairs, as she had made a big deal about wanting to get her bed set up. After we had everything moved, she kind of shoo'd her grandparents out of the house and asked me to help her get her bed made. At this point, my past experience is telling me that she probably wants to have sex. We end up on her bed, making out and getting pretty handsy (the handsiness was admittedly mostly on my end). During this, she made a remark to the effect that I might be surprised at her level of sexual experience. I said that I doubted I would be, which I didn't at all intend to mean that I was calling her a hoe. She asked what I meant by that, and got upset. I told her that I ""didn't mean it like that"", and that I meant that I didn't expect her to be completely inexperienced sexually. She didn't seem to believe me, and I really think that this is where she probably changed her mind about wanting to have sex, as she became much less enthusiastic about making out after this point. I continued to try and be handsy, which she promptly shut down. I point blank asked her is she wanted to have sex, to which she said no. I got upset, grabbed my stuff, and left. A few miles down the road I stopped to get some gas. While I was pumping, and sent her a text basically explaining that I was fine with her wanting to wait to have sex, but that I thought she had been leading me on all day and that I was NOT happy about that. She replied back saying that she had never once brought up the subject of sex that day (which is true), and that she didn't understand why I had even assumed that's what we would be doing. I didn't reply to that message. I got back in my truck and drove another few miles, eventually stopping at another gas station to get a bottle of water, which I had forgotten about in my anger. I returned to my truck only to find that I had managed to lock myself out of my vehicle with the keys in the ignition. At this point I was mad enough that my initial plan was to just break a window and get back in (I am not physically violent with people when I am angry but I do have a rather unhealthy history of breaking things when i get mad. I fully understand that this is a toxic trait and I have been actively working to control my anger). The gas station I was at didn't have a hammer, so, with my tail tucked between my legs, I called the girl and asked her to bring me one. I then called my grandfather and asked for advice, to which he responded to call a pop-a-lock, as it would be much cheaper than breaking my window. He also said that he would bring me my spare key from the house (I live about an hour and a half from the town I was in, so I went ahead and called my insurance to get a locksmith headed my way in case there was one closer). The girl showed up a few minutes later and basically echoed what my grandfather had told me. I asked her if she didn't mind waiting with me, to which she responded that it didn't make a difference to her either way. I apologized for getting mad like I did, but repeated that I felt like she led me on, due to my past experience with similar situations that had led to sex. She basically said that any girl that slept with a guy after only going out with him four times was a hoe. I told her I disagreed but I didn't really press the issue. She then added that I had crossed a line, and kind of implied that she had at this point lost interest in me (which I think is fair). I ended up sending her away so I could wait by myself, because I knew I was about to cry. I don't really cry often but I was extremely upset at having blown an opportunity with a girl that I really liked. I ended up deleting her from my facebook and snapchat because I didn't want to be tempted to try and contact her again (I am already very sad and being rejected twice would really fuck me up). Before I deleted her on snap I sent her a message apologizing again and thanking her for being willing to wait with me. She replied back saying it was ok, and thanked me for apologizing. My grandfather eventually showed up with my spare key, and I got back on the road, deciding to head back home and go to sleep because of how shitty I felt. Not long after I got home, she texted me (I forgot to block her number) and asked why I had deleted her on snap. I told her that I didn't think she'd want to talk to me again, and that not being able to reach out to her would make it easier for me. She never replied back. I still have not blocked her number in the hopes that maybe this situation is salvageable, although her lack of response thus far leads me to believe otherwise. I apologize for the lengthy post, this is a very upsetting situation for me as this is the first girl I've met in several years that I feel so attracted to. I pretty well feel like the best thing to do at this point is to cut my losses and move on, but part of me wants to reach out again and see if she would be willing to give me a second chance. I am hesitant, like I said above, because her saying no would probably make me even more sad, and I think it would be easier emotionally to just move on. Also please understand that during all of saturday's events I was EXTREMELY sleep deprived. I do not use this to excuse my behavior, but to provide some understanding of why my thoughts and behavior might seem irrational. ~~I guess my question is whether or not I should try and fix the situation and cut my losses and move on.~~ (The decision has already been made to cut my losses and move on. After posting this to /r/relationships I wrote her a rather long-winded apology and told her that I would be seeking professional help. She responded back that she appreciated the apology. Afterwards I deleted the conversation and blocked her number so that I wouldn't be able to drunk text her and potentially make a fool of myself. Following this community's rules, I am of course open to further suggestions and advice.) TL;DR: I got angry because I felt like a girl I've been seeing for a week led me on about sex. Girl insists that she was not trying to have sex. Stormed out and probably seem super melodramatic at this point.",cishet_white_male,1,0,4,2020-02-24 01:12:58,Anger,"Hello all, I have already posted this in /r/relationships however it was removed due to the mods thinking it belonged here. Because I feel like I was getting some very good advice I'd like to keep the post alive. Also I hope that maybe this will resonate with someone in this sub and discussion can help some of you also. I would finally like to include that I have never visited this sub before so I apologize in advance if this doesn't quite fit here, either. I was introduced to a girl about a week ago. I've been single for a little over a year now, and for the past few months have been actively seeking a relationship. So I go out with this girl, not really knowing what to expect but I'm game for anything. We hit it off REALLY well, and actually ended up making out in my truck for about an hour. I was definitely dtf but I could tell that she didn't seem like she wanted to go that far on a first date so I didn't bring it up other than to make a joke about sex being more of a 3rd or 4th date kind of thing. Because we hit it off so well, we agreed to meet up a couple days later for lunch while she was between classes (She is a college student). At the end of it we kissed a bit but not as much as the first date. This was fine with me as we were in a kind of public place with a lot of traffic going by and I'm not big on PDA. We ended up going on a third date a couple days later, and at the end of that date I brought up the idea of us being in a relationship. It was probably a bit soon for that, seeing as how we'd only known each other for about a week at that point, but I was genuinely excited about this girl and I can honestly say that doesn't happen very often. She seemed agreeable to the idea of a relationship, which I interpreted as her being willing at that point to become exclusive with each other. Turns out I was wrong about that, but nbd, she wanted to keep seeing me for a while and I was totally fine with her needing more time because like I said we had only known each other for about a week. That brings us to yesterday. She had mentioned earlier in the week that she'd be spending her saturday at her grandparent's new house getting her new room set up. I asked if she was ok with me stopping by on my way to visit some of my family, and she told me that was fine, she would need some help moving stuff around. So I showed up at her house that morning, her grandparents were there and I helped them take care of some things to get the house ready to live in. At lunch, we went to go eat at a local restaurant, while her grandparents stayed behind to work some more. When we got back, she expressed some dismay at her grandparents still being present, which I interpreted as her wanting some time alone. I helped her grandfather move her mattress and box spring to her room upstairs, as she had made a big deal about wanting to get her bed set up. After we had everything moved, she kind of shoo'd her grandparents out of the house and asked me to help her get her bed made. At this point, my past experience is telling me that she probably wants to have sex. We end up on her bed, making out and getting pretty handsy (the handsiness was admittedly mostly on my end). During this, she made a remark to the effect that I might be surprised at her level of sexual experience. I said that I doubted I would be, which I didn't at all intend to mean that I was calling her a hoe. She asked what I meant by that, and got upset. I told her that I ""didn't mean it like that"", and that I meant that I didn't expect her to be completely inexperienced sexually. She didn't seem to believe me, and I really think that this is where she probably changed her mind about wanting to have sex, as she became much less enthusiastic about making out after this point. I continued to try and be handsy, which she promptly shut down. I point blank asked her is she wanted to have sex, to which she said no. I got upset, grabbed my stuff, and left. A few miles down the road I stopped to get some gas. While I was pumping, and sent her a text basically explaining that I was fine with her wanting to wait to have sex, but that I thought she had been leading me on all day and that I was NOT happy about that. She replied back saying that she had never once brought up the subject of sex that day (which is true), and that she didn't understand why I had even assumed that's what we would be doing. I didn't reply to that message. I got back in my truck and drove another few miles, eventually stopping at another gas station to get a bottle of water, which I had forgotten about in my anger. I returned to my truck only to find that I had managed to lock myself out of my vehicle with the keys in the ignition. At this point I was mad enough that my initial plan was to just break a window and get back in (I am not physically violent with people when I am angry but I do have a rather unhealthy history of breaking things when i get mad. I fully understand that this is a toxic trait and I have been actively working to control my anger). The gas station I was at didn't have a hammer, so, with my tail tucked between my legs, I called the girl and asked her to bring me one. I then called my grandfather and asked for advice, to which he responded to call a pop-a-lock, as it would be much cheaper than breaking my window. He also said that he would bring me my spare key from the house (I live about an hour and a half from the town I was in, so I went ahead and called my insurance to get a locksmith headed my way in case there was one closer). The girl showed up a few minutes later and basically echoed what my grandfather had told me. I asked her if she didn't mind waiting with me, to which she responded that it didn't make a difference to her either way. I apologized for getting mad like I did, but repeated that I felt like she led me on, due to my past experience with similar situations that had led to sex. She basically said that any girl that slept with a guy after only going out with him four times was a hoe. I told her I disagreed but I didn't really press the issue. She then added that I had crossed a line, and kind of implied that she had at this point lost interest in me (which I think is fair). I ended up sending her away so I could wait by myself, because I knew I was about to cry. I don't really cry often but I was extremely upset at having blown an opportunity with a girl that I really liked. I ended up deleting her from my facebook and snapchat because I didn't want to be tempted to try and contact her again (I am already very sad and being rejected twice would really fuck me up). Before I deleted her on snap I sent her a message apologizing again and thanking her for being willing to wait with me. She replied back saying it was ok, and thanked me for apologizing. My grandfather eventually showed up with my spare key, and I got back on the road, deciding to head back home and go to sleep because of how shitty I felt. Not long after I got home, she texted me (I forgot to block her number) and asked why I had deleted her on snap. I told her that I didn't think she'd want to talk to me again, and that not being able to reach out to her would make it easier for me. She never replied back. I still have not blocked her number in the hopes that maybe this situation is salvageable, although her lack of response thus far leads me to believe otherwise. I apologize for the lengthy post, this is a very upsetting situation for me as this is the first girl I've met in several years that I feel so attracted to. I pretty well feel like the best thing to do at this point is to cut my losses and move on, but part of me wants to reach out again and see if she would be willing to give me a second chance. I am hesitant, like I said above, because her saying no would probably make me even more sad, and I think it would be easier emotionally to just move on. Also please understand that during all of saturday's events I was EXTREMELY sleep deprived. I do not use this to excuse my behavior, but to provide some understanding of why my thoughts and behavior might seem irrational. ~~I guess my question is whether or not I should try and fix the situation and cut my losses and move on.~~ (The decision has already been made to cut my losses and move on. After posting this to /r/relationships I wrote her a rather long-winded apology and told her that I would be seeking professional help. She responded back that she appreciated the apology. Afterwards I deleted the conversation and blocked her number so that I wouldn't be able to drunk text her and potentially make a fool of myself. Following this community's rules, I am of course open to further suggestions and advice.) TL;DR: I got angry because I felt like a girl I've been seeing for a week led me on about sex. Girl insists that she was not trying to have sex. Stormed out and probably seem super melodramatic at this point.",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 f00ryz,I get triggered even when my dog licks me.... vent? DAE?,1b,rant,1,"This is probably gonna sound really dumb, I don’t even know why I’m posting this maybe it’s just to get it out I guess, but I recently got a dog and he loves licking me... licking really triggers me and every time he does it my skin crawls. I feel horrible because it’s adorable but I can’t stand it. Getting a dog has definitely helped with breaking down boundaries and dogs have always helped with my anxiety/depression/dissociation. I hate that some things he does though triggers me... Fuck the people who made me this way. I can’t even have my dog lick me and it’s embarrassing as hell to admit. I don’t think I’d even talk to a therapist about it, I don’t want to tell people how disgusting and creepy my abusers were with me... it’s just embarrassing.",chasingneverland76,1,0,0,2020-02-06 22:55:44,rapecounseling,"This is probably gonna sound really dumb, I don’t even know why I’m posting this maybe it’s just to get it out I guess, but I recently got a dog and he loves licking me... licking really triggers me and every time he does it my skin crawls. I feel horrible because it’s adorable but I can’t stand it. Getting a dog has definitely helped with breaking down boundaries and dogs have always helped with my anxiety/depression/dissociation. I hate that some things he does though triggers me... Fuck the people who made me this way. I can’t even have my dog lick me and it’s embarrassing as hell to admit. I don’t think I’d even talk to a therapist about it, I don’t want to tell people how disgusting and creepy my abusers were with me... it’s just embarrassing.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,your dog licking you triggers you,,True,220 emhryl,"I need advice on how best to help my friend, who is a victim of both sexual assault and domestic violence",1b,help-seeking,3," Hello! I met the friend in question a few months ago when I started university - she is a third year and I am a first year. Obviously I haven't known her very long but she is easily the closest friend I have here and she means a great deal to me. I find it hard to connect with people sometimes but it was just one of those friendships where the two of you click instantly. I hung out with her and her family for new years, we go to the library together, cook dinner together (because we're flatmates and both vegan), you get the gist, etc etc. I have suffered from my own mental health problems in the past and still do to this day, but my situation has improved a huge amount in comparison to hers. I thought my life had been pretty rough before I got to uni but life has chewed my friend up and just spit her out. She has had an extremely tough go of it the past few years, and I cannot even begin to contemplate the kind of pain she must be in when her mental health deteriorates. Without sharing explicit details, because I don't feel it's my place to say on her behalf, she has suffered both violent sexual assault and domestic abuse. When I first learnt about this, and learnt that she sometimes communicates with her ex, it was one of those situations in which me and our friends gave the ol' ""leave the boy behind!"", ""he ain't worth it!"", etc. May as well have been quoting good as hell by lizzo to be fair. The more I've thought about it the more I realise what a stupid and unhelpful comment that is - she's not an idiot, she knows she should not communicate with him, but when her mental health is bad and she's in a crisis the actual communication with him is not as much of a choice as it is a sign of her breaking down. It's also occurred to me that the trauma from her sexual assault must be very hard to deal with, hence why she can't sleep without a night light or some other form of light on. While I've dealt with mental health problems in the past, I feel completely out of depth dealing with someone else's and the potential fallout of failing, as she has been suicidal in the past and also committed self-harm. She sees a therapist but obviously when we're at university her family are not here alongside her therapist to provide the specific support she needs, and the university are useless if I'm being honest. I am her friend and I do everything I can for her, but I really need specific advice on how to help her best, especially in relation to her previous sexual assault and domestic violence. If there is anyone who knows how best to deal with victims of both of these acts effectively, I would be so so grateful. Any help would be massively appreciated, because I wasn't really sure where else to turn. TL;DR: My friend has been a victim of both sexual assault and domestic violence, and I need advice on how to support her as a victim of both acts, as she does not receive adequate support at university and I worry about the potential for her to harm herself.",teganfruit,1,0,0,2020-01-09 23:11:19,rapecounseling," Hello! I met the friend in question a few months ago when I started university - she is a third year and I am a first year. Obviously I haven't known her very long but she is easily the closest friend I have here and she means a great deal to me. I find it hard to connect with people sometimes but it was just one of those friendships where the two of you click instantly. I hung out with her and her family for new years, we go to the library together, cook dinner together (because we're flatmates and both vegan), you get the gist, etc etc. I have suffered from my own mental health problems in the past and still do to this day, but my situation has improved a huge amount in comparison to hers. I thought my life had been pretty rough before I got to uni but life has chewed my friend up and just spit her out. She has had an extremely tough go of it the past few years, and I cannot even begin to contemplate the kind of pain she must be in when her mental health deteriorates. Without sharing explicit details, because I don't feel it's my place to say on her behalf, she has suffered both violent sexual assault and domestic abuse. When I first learnt about this, and learnt that she sometimes communicates with her ex, it was one of those situations in which me and our friends gave the ol' ""leave the boy behind!"", ""he ain't worth it!"", etc. May as well have been quoting good as hell by lizzo to be fair. The more I've thought about it the more I realise what a stupid and unhelpful comment that is - she's not an idiot, she knows she should not communicate with him, but when her mental health is bad and she's in a crisis the actual communication with him is not as much of a choice as it is a sign of her breaking down. It's also occurred to me that the trauma from her sexual assault must be very hard to deal with, hence why she can't sleep without a night light or some other form of light on. While I've dealt with mental health problems in the past, I feel completely out of depth dealing with someone else's and the potential fallout of failing, as she has been suicidal in the past and also committed self-harm. She sees a therapist but obviously when we're at university her family are not here alongside her therapist to provide the specific support she needs, and the university are useless if I'm being honest. I am her friend and I do everything I can for her, but I really need specific advice on how to help her best, especially in relation to her previous sexual assault and domestic violence. If there is anyone who knows how best to deal with victims of both of these acts effectively, I would be so so grateful. Any help would be massively appreciated, because I wasn't really sure where else to turn. TL;DR: My friend has been a victim of both sexual assault and domestic violence. I need advice on how to support her as a victim of both acts, as she does not receive adequate support at university. I worry about the potential for her to harm herself.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ekkiww,Gofundme page I'm asking for as much support for my partner glenn the mental health system failed him repeatedly leaving him unsupported please please share and leave a donation to get him as much support as possible biggest thanks xx,0,chitchat,1,,swin20,1,0,2,2020-01-05 22:58:13,socialanxiety,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 f3zdo9,Valentine's Day reminds me that I experienced violence before any partner said I love you. It makes me feel like I'm incapable of being loved.,1b,rant,2,"Just at 18, I experienced repeated sexual violence. I've been groped, forced, choked, dragged, held down, and overall treated like a dam limp sex doll. For those of you who don't know, after that, you no longer feel like a human but an object. You crave love and affection so much because even just a second of it can make you feel slightly more human. I've tried to date, By the way, I'm a lesbian. Queer dating is incredibly difficult when you live in one of the reddest states in the US. I've dated both men and women, and while some lasted a few months, none of them ever said: ""I love you."" This week I was dating this woman but I think I scared her off because I craved that love and affection so much I lost track of the reality of the situation. On Valentine's Day especially I hear that voice screaming ""You aren't capable of being loved. You're used up goods. Nobody will want a mentally ill, socially awkward, rag doll that has been torn to pieces.""",OddEggplant,1,0,3,2020-02-14 21:46:58,rapecounseling,"Just at 18, I experienced repeated sexual violence. I've been groped, forced, choked, dragged, held down, and overall treated like a dam limp sex doll. For those of you who don't know, after that, you no longer feel like a human but an object. You crave love and affection so much because even just a second of it can make you feel slightly more human. I've tried to date, By the way, I'm a lesbian. Queer dating is incredibly difficult when you live in one of the reddest states in the US. I've dated both men and women, and while some lasted a few months, none of them ever said: ""I love you."" This week I was dating this woman but I think I scared her off because I craved that love and affection so much I lost track of the reality of the situation. On Valentine's Day especially I hear that voice screaming ""You aren't capable of being loved. You're used up goods. Nobody will want a mentally ill, socially awkward, rag doll that has been torn to pieces.""",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are unable to date normally,,True,220 eo0cq7,Anyone recovering from opiates in New Orleans?,0,survey,1,Anyone else trying to kick opiates and living in New Orleans?,BrahBrahBrownSheep,1,0,0,2020-01-13 06:23:28,OpiatesRecovery,Anyone else trying to kick opiates and living in New Orleans?,1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,your opiate usage,How did X make you feel?,consuming opiates,What do you need help with now that X?,you are trying to stop using opiates,,True,100 eka47q,I feel like I failed in life...,1a,rant,1,"I know it's not much to be worried about, but I'm genuinely worried about my life.. I'm 28, no bf, no decent career, not in shape... My life is living with my mom in an apartment that's 50 bucks more than her salary, I work in a GameStop with well over 100,000 bucks in loans for a degree I couldn't finish because my mom's credit is bad. We have no family to help, we have no friends for support. I don't have a car and hers could blow up if we're not careful. I've tried getting a job in what I was studying and tried getting into accounting like the job I had before I went to school, but apparently I still very much underqualified to get anywhere... My mom also wants me to lose weight since she keeps telling me I'm fat but I feel like I can't lose weight if we're not ok financially so I have to sacrifice sleep and the idea of working out to try and look for something.. While I look at people my age, everyone is successful, married, starting a family, has friends and family to be there for them.. I know my life isn't as bad as other people and I shouldn't be worried, but all I want is to make my mom happy so she can retire feeling ok and not worrying about debt anymore.. I just don't know what to do anymore...",littlenerd916,7,0,29,2020-01-05 07:57:50,getting_over_it,"I know it's not much to be worried about, but I'm genuinely worried about my life.. I'm 28, no bf, no decent career, not in shape... My life is living with my mom in an apartment that's 50 bucks more than her salary, I work in a GameStop with well over 100,000 bucks in loans for a degree I couldn't finish because my mom's credit is bad. We have no family to help, we have no friends for support. I don't have a car and hers could blow up if we're not careful. I've tried getting a job in what I was studying and tried getting into accounting like the job I had before I went to school, but apparently I still very much underqualified to get anywhere... My mom also wants me to lose weight since she keeps telling me I'm fat but I feel like I can't lose weight if we're not ok financially so I have to sacrifice sleep and the idea of working out to try and look for something.. While I look at people my age, everyone is successful, married, starting a family, has friends and family to be there for them.. I know my life isn't as bad as other people and I shouldn't be worried, but all I want is to make my mom happy so she can retire feeling ok and not worrying about debt anymore.. I just don't know what to do anymore...",2,1,0,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel about your situation,What do you need help with now that X?,you are worried about the debt,,True,210 eighvj,Don't know if it belongs here but,1b,rant,1,"(Throwaway). I don't eat meat for like 10 years. And while there are medical benefits for that. I think the reason is very bad. When I was very young my bio father showed me those videos of animals suffering and told me horrible stories. We are no longer with contact. Not me. Not my family. I know he is a bad person even if he hadn't done that. But I can't get the image of animals suffering out of my head. I'm going to talk to my therapist about it, but I want other devices.",1234trowaway1234,1,0,4,2020-01-01 09:18:37,ptsd,"(Throwaway). I don't eat meat for like 10 years. And while there are medical benefits for that. I think the reason is very bad. When I was very young my bio father showed me those videos of animals suffering and told me horrible stories. We are no longer with contact. Not me. Not my family. I know he is a bad person even if he hadn't done that. But I can't get the image of animals suffering out of my head. I'm going to talk to my therapist about it, but I want other devices.",2,1,1,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how the image of animal suffering makes you feel,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you clear your head of the images,,True,211 ek5tmt,We have two years today!!!,0,chitchat,3,,mdizzle1985,46,0,32,2020-01-05 01:21:35,alcoholicsanonymous,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 f5ew5u,I stopped liking him. But then I saw something about him and it messed me up a little. I just want to stop feeling anything about it,1b,rant,2,"I don’t like him anymore. I haven’t since dec of last year when I saw he had a new gf. She’s also Chinese and looks similar to me, of course, bc looks like he has a fetish. I know he’s not the one, and I can do better. But for reasons idk, when I went into the Venmo app on Vday, his profile popped up in my feed and it said he sent money to this girl for edc. I didn’t want to know anything about his life, or that he’s also going to edc. I don’t want my experience at edc to be tainted by this asshole. I hate that I now know, that I had to see that stupid post, and that seeing that made me feel a certain way. I had already deleted his number and from all social platforms, so Idk why it came up. I just wanted to vent to y’all & seek support.. This guy got so deep into my head, made me feel all kinds of things (without even actually dating, just hooking up & hanging out), and I was devastated to lose him. I had a mental breakdown last year when he let me go because “things were moving too fast” for him. I’m going to list the things that I loved about him. And then the things that did not sit right. I liked him because he was a delight to be around. Every moment felt like an adventure, and he was so much fun to party with and hang out with. He was a good singer and played music, and was the best in bed. & we loved the same music and festivals. Together, I felt like we were two weirdos having the best times. But here’s what I didn’t like: he spent all his money on alcohol, had no intentions of paying his loans, was super active on tinder, superficial/ emotionally unavailable, had no intentions of career advancement, did not prioritize education, history of being a home wrecker, weird fascination with asian girls that all look similar, really full of himself. Agree with me that be sucks?",throwaway2019june21,1,0,7,2020-02-17 20:18:26,getting_over_it,"I don’t like him anymore. I haven’t since dec of last year when I saw he had a new gf. She’s also Chinese and looks similar to me, of course, bc looks like he has a fetish. I know he’s not the one, and I can do better. But for reasons idk, when I went into the Venmo app on Vday, his profile popped up in my feed and it said he sent money to this girl for edc. I didn’t want to know anything about his life, or that he’s also going to edc. I don’t want my experience at edc to be tainted by this asshole. I hate that I now know, that I had to see that stupid post, and that seeing that made me feel a certain way. I had already deleted his number and from all social platforms, so Idk why it came up. I just wanted to vent to y’all & seek support.. This guy got so deep into my head, made me feel all kinds of things (without even actually dating, just hooking up & hanging out), and I was devastated to lose him. I had a mental breakdown last year when he let me go because “things were moving too fast” for him. I’m going to list the things that I loved about him. And then the things that did not sit right. I liked him because he was a delight to be around. Every moment felt like an adventure, and he was so much fun to party with and hang out with. He was a good singer and played music, and was the best in bed. & we loved the same music and festivals. Together, I felt like we were two weirdos having the best times. But here’s what I didn’t like: he spent all his money on alcohol, had no intentions of paying his loans, was super active on tinder, superficial/ emotionally unavailable, had no intentions of career advancement, did not prioritize education, history of being a home wrecker, weird fascination with asian girls that all look similar, really full of himself. Agree with me that be sucks?",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you deal with your ex,,True,221 en586l,Is it possible to get addicted to nicotine without smoking?,0,help-seeking,2,"This may sound like a dumb question, but ever since i was little whenever stressed or anxious, id start to shake and my lungs would just enhale rapidly, i would always end up with a world taste in my mouth, my mother claims to never have smoked during any of her pregnancies, thought was a smoker at her early teens and mid 20s, quit when she had my older sister whom is 4 years older than i, and she doesn't seem to have the same symptoms of me, I've never smoked, and I've never been tempted to smoke, nor will i ever start, but why does both my mind and body crave it so desperately? This may be a bit much for this subreddit and i apologize, if you have any other platform you think could answer this, please leave a comment.",_brolett_,1,0,9,2020-01-11 09:03:12,addiction,"This may sound like a dumb question, but ever since i was little whenever stressed or anxious, id start to shake and my lungs would just enhale rapidly, i would always end up with a world taste in my mouth, my mother claims to never have smoked during any of her pregnancies, thought was a smoker at her early teens and mid 20s, quit when she had my older sister whom is 4 years older than i, and she doesn't seem to have the same symptoms of me, I've never smoked, and I've never been tempted to smoke, nor will i ever start, but why does both my mind and body crave it so desperately? This may be a bit much for this subreddit and i apologize, if you have any other platform you think could answer this, please leave a comment.",1,2,1,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what makes you anxious,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you control the urge to smoke,,True,121 eif5y8,spending NYE alone,0,survey,1,"i get tonight is the night to go out with friends and be social but...i’m so much more content being in my home & alone right now (i say alone lightly because my cat and dog are with me). it’s not bumming me out, i have a few friends who invited me out so i could go if i wanted to...i just don’t. i don’t see how people have the energy for it tbh. anyone else? also- happy new year! may 2020 bring you lots of blessings. i’ll be ringing it in with a nice personal jay hehe",VegLuvingUnicorn,1,0,1,2020-01-01 06:32:51,socialanxiety,"i get tonight is the night to go out with friends and be social but...i’m so much more content being in my home & alone right now (i say alone lightly because my cat and dog are with me). it’s not bumming me out, i have a few friends who invited me out so i could go if i wanted to...i just don’t. i don’t see how people have the energy for it tbh. anyone else? also- happy new year! may 2020 bring you lots of blessings. i’ll be ringing it in with a nice personal jay hehe",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ejl214,New Years was the hardest thing I’ve had to experience and I managed to survive,1a,rant,2,"I was alone this New Years, very high on mushrooms, weed and a lot of alcohol. I remember staring into this darkness when it struck midnight and thought “tonight I’m gonna kill myself, this is how I’ll start and end my decade”. After a moment passed I remember staring back into that darkness and thinking in the back of my head “breath, walk into that darkness and get out” and I just started walking. Left the bar I was in and wondered for about an hour until I was standing on a coulee edge for a while thinking that if I breathe and walk I’ll be okay, that the only thing I have to do right now is breathe and walk another day. So I left that dark cold frozen edge and wandered back to where I was staying. It took every ounce of my being to recoup myself and drag my body away from all the harm I was doing myself. And so I live another day, and I’m just thankful I’m alive.",Scvmbagx,31,0,4,2020-01-03 20:17:53,selfharm,"I was alone this New Years, very high on mushrooms, weed and a lot of alcohol. I remember staring into this darkness when it struck midnight and thought “tonight I’m gonna kill myself, this is how I’ll start and end my decade”. After a moment passed I remember staring back into that darkness and thinking in the back of my head “breath, walk into that darkness and get out” and I just started walking. Left the bar I was in and wondered for about an hour until I was standing on a coulee edge for a while thinking that if I breathe and walk I’ll be okay, that the only thing I have to do right now is breathe and walk another day. So I left that dark cold frozen edge and wandered back to where I was staying. It took every ounce of my being to recoup myself and drag my body away from all the harm I was doing myself. And so I live another day, and I’m just thankful I’m alive.",2,0,0,,,How did X make you feel?,the harm you did on New Year,What do you need help with now that X?,you harmed yourself on the New Year,,True,200 epfe6r,Advice lowering my dose/taking a tolerance break as a chronic pain patient?,1a,help-seeking,2,"I don't THINK this is in violation of the rules against talking about active drug use since I want to quit recreationally, but I apologize if it is and I'll delete if necessary. *Very long post incoming, sorry for the length but I really need some advice and not sure who else to turn to. Also, not to sound like a whiny little bitch but I already feel guilty and like shit that I've let things get far so I ask for sympathy if possible instead of telling me that I've been a moron.* I'm a chronic pain patient due to having Crohn's disease (recent colectomy resulting in adhesions), degenerative disc disease (complicated by post-laminectomy syndrome aka a botched surgery on my lower spine) and suspected endometriosis. I also have a feeding tube. Currently, I am prescribed Percocet (10-325) up to 4 times a day, so 120 a month. I use it for my legitimate pain, but I also binge with it all the time and take a recreational dose, or even when I DONT binge I take more than 4 pills a day, so my prescription has been running out up to 2 weeks early. I've been a chronic pain patient for so long that I don't remember the last time I had NO painkillers for the entire day, whether it was Percocet, Vicodin, tramadol, or morphine (when hospitalized.) I have a crazy high tolerance, and in the past six months I've had a daily dose of anywhere from 10 to 100mg of oxycodone (in a one day period, not all at once). So because of the tolerance, my prescribed dose of tens don't really help my pain very much, so even when I take it when my pain is actually unbearable I have to take 15mg to get some relief. The problem is that this is starting to catch up to me. I've been running out early, and I also spend way too much time worried about if I have enough, planning my doses for the day, counting pills, feeling chained to it etc, and I'm really tired of it. But because of all my medical conditions, I don't want to stop taking it altogether because being in pain management makes me much more productive and helps me live a normal life without all my pain. I want to be able to take my pain medicine normally, as prescribed, and stop running out early and having it determine my activities. So I think I should take a tolerance break and see if I can get to the point where I can just take a normal dose and use it as prescribed, to allow me to live normally without suffering all the time. But for me to do that, I have to get my tolerance back to a normal level at least a little bit, or get my body used to taking normal scheduled doses again, since I'm so used to bingeing. Please tell me that's possible - can I go from using them to get high to just using them to function? Does anyone have any advice? I'm running low now, but I have enough for a comfortable 3 to 5 day taper if that would help instead of going cold turkey. My goal is to go without taking anything whatsoever for at least a few days, maybe a week, and then start taking it normally when needed, no bingeing at all. When my pain is too bad, take a pill, let it help, and don't take another pill until it's due and only if I need it. *That* is how I want to function. I'm miserable wasting it all the time and then obsessing over when I can get more. - What does withdrawal from oxy feel like, and how long does it last? Will I experience it even if I do a taper? - What helps you get through it? I'm in pain management, so I get randomly drug tested and I can't have anything in my system I don't have a prescription for. (I'll list what I have access to below). - Is having another person help you useful/necessary? I DO NOT want to involve my doctor in this in any way because with my medical history I dont want ""concerns about substance abuse"" anywhere near my medical file. But if I need another person, I could involve my mom or sister. They're both cool and totally understanding. Any other words of wisdom? Medicines I have prescriptions for: Bentyl (dicyclomene), Neurontin (gabapentin), Zofran (ondonsteron), Phenergan (promethazine), Reglan (metoclopramide), Compazine, Zanaflex (tizanidine), Effexor (venlafaxine), laxatives like Miralax and peri-colace, Sumatriptan (migraine med, forget the brand name), and of course over the counter stuff like Benadryl, tylenol, Imodium, etc. Would any of those help? I have some other stuff like antibiotics and prednisone that J can't see helping at all, but if you guys have a suggestion for a med that might help I can try to get it prescribed (no benzos). Thank you so so so much if you've read it this far. I just want to be a normal human again, and also not be in pain all the time. I know I've been stupid, and I just want to stop doing this and causing myself so much stress and harm and be responsible and able to function. I hate the way things are now, I hate that I let just get this far. Part of me just wants to quit altogether, stop taking any pain medicine, but my health issues have been especially bad lately with multiple surgeries and feeding tube issues and my inability to do anything when I'm in so much pain; real chronic pain, not just wishing to get high. Help :( Please tell me I can be normal again. I feel so shitty and stupid. My chronic pain doctor always says ""The point of you having a continuous prescription for Percocet is to increase your function and productivity while decreasing your pain."" That's what I want again. That's what I want my only goal to be. And I'm afraid someone is going to tell me no, your only choice is to be in pain all the time, you can *never* have a normal life, you can *never* be responsible again.",SorrowFloats91,1,0,0,2020-01-16 06:16:01,OpiatesRecovery,"I don't THINK this is in violation of the rules against talking about active drug use since I want to quit recreationally, but I apologize if it is and I'll delete if necessary. *Very long post incoming, sorry for the length but I really need some advice and not sure who else to turn to. Also, not to sound like a whiny little bitch but I already feel guilty and like shit that I've let things get far so I ask for sympathy if possible instead of telling me that I've been a moron.* I'm a chronic pain patient due to having Crohn's disease (recent colectomy resulting in adhesions), degenerative disc disease (complicated by post-laminectomy syndrome aka a botched surgery on my lower spine) and suspected endometriosis. I also have a feeding tube. Currently, I am prescribed Percocet (10-325) up to 4 times a day, so 120 a month. I use it for my legitimate pain, but I also binge with it all the time and take a recreational dose, or even when I DONT binge I take more than 4 pills a day, so my prescription has been running out up to 2 weeks early. I've been a chronic pain patient for so long that I don't remember the last time I had NO painkillers for the entire day, whether it was Percocet, Vicodin, tramadol, or morphine (when hospitalized.) I have a crazy high tolerance, and in the past six months I've had a daily dose of anywhere from 10 to 100mg of oxycodone (in a one day period, not all at once). So because of the tolerance, my prescribed dose of tens don't really help my pain very much, so even when I take it when my pain is actually unbearable I have to take 15mg to get some relief. The problem is that this is starting to catch up to me. I've been running out early, and I also spend way too much time worried about if I have enough, planning my doses for the day, counting pills, feeling chained to it etc, and I'm really tired of it. But because of all my medical conditions, I don't want to stop taking it altogether because being in pain management makes me much more productive and helps me live a normal life without all my pain. I want to be able to take my pain medicine normally, as prescribed, and stop running out early and having it determine my activities. So I think I should take a tolerance break and see if I can get to the point where I can just take a normal dose and use it as prescribed, to allow me to live normally without suffering all the time. But for me to do that, I have to get my tolerance back to a normal level at least a little bit, or get my body used to taking normal scheduled doses again, since I'm so used to bingeing. Please tell me that's possible - can I go from using them to get high to just using them to function? Does anyone have any advice? I'm running low now, but I have enough for a comfortable 3 to 5 day taper if that would help instead of going cold turkey. My goal is to go without taking anything whatsoever for at least a few days, maybe a week, and then start taking it normally when needed, no bingeing at all. When my pain is too bad, take a pill, let it help, and don't take another pill until it's due and only if I need it. *That* is how I want to function. I'm miserable wasting it all the time and then obsessing over when I can get more. - What does withdrawal from oxy feel like, and how long does it last? Will I experience it even if I do a taper? - What helps you get through it? I'm in pain management, so I get randomly drug tested and I can't have anything in my system I don't have a prescription for. (I'll list what I have access to below). - Is having another person help you useful/necessary? I DO NOT want to involve my doctor in this in any way because with my medical history I dont want ""concerns about substance abuse"" anywhere near my medical file. But if I need another person, I could involve my mom or sister. They're both cool and totally understanding. Any other words of wisdom? Medicines I have prescriptions for: Bentyl (dicyclomene), Neurontin (gabapentin), Zofran (ondonsteron), Phenergan (promethazine), Reglan (metoclopramide), Compazine, Zanaflex (tizanidine), Effexor (venlafaxine), laxatives like Miralax and peri-colace, Sumatriptan (migraine med, forget the brand name), and of course over the counter stuff like Benadryl, tylenol, Imodium, etc. Would any of those help? I have some other stuff like antibiotics and prednisone that J can't see helping at all, but if you guys have a suggestion for a med that might help I can try to get it prescribed (no benzos). Thank you so so so much if you've read it this far. I just want to be a normal human again, and also not be in pain all the time. I know I've been stupid, and I just want to stop doing this and causing myself so much stress and harm and be responsible and able to function. I hate the way things are now, I hate that I let just get this far. Part of me just wants to quit altogether, stop taking any pain medicine, but my health issues have been especially bad lately with multiple surgeries and feeding tube issues and my inability to do anything when I'm in so much pain; real chronic pain, not just wishing to get high. Help :( Please tell me I can be normal again. I feel so shitty and stupid. My chronic pain doctor always says ""The point of you having a continuous prescription for Percocet is to increase your function and productivity while decreasing your pain."" That's what I want again. That's what I want my only goal to be. And I'm afraid someone is going to tell me no, your only choice is to be in pain all the time, you can *never* have a normal life, you can *never* be responsible again.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eik82t,My body hurts,1b,rant,2,"He slammed a bag of dog food on my head . He got me from behind, I was looking at my phone and was using my hand to hold my head up.I moved quickly and he threw at me 2-3 times. He then grabbed my foot and dragged me out of bed. I have a small bruise on my arm. Has to be from last nights incident but I dont recall him grabbing my arm. But then again everything happens so fast, who knows. Im really small and bruise easily. I thought my neck pain was from sleeping in my kids bed. I’ve slept on that bed before uncomfortable, but not all this pain. As I think more about it, it’s because of what he did to me. My neck fucking hurts and I have a headache. I think to myself how can you” love” or “care” about someone and yet hurt them. Then you continue when you see their fear see /hear them cry & they beg you to stop. That’s not love . He’s a monster an evil fucking monster! I begged and begged my father to take me with him. (He’s no longer with us) I am scared and I cant do it, but my wish is to die!",IamMermaid07,1,0,5,2020-01-01 16:35:44,domesticviolence,"He slammed a bag of dog food on my head . He got me from behind, I was looking at my phone and was using my hand to hold my head up.I moved quickly and he threw at me 2-3 times. He then grabbed my foot and dragged me out of bed. I have a small bruise on my arm. Has to be from last nights incident but I dont recall him grabbing my arm. But then again everything happens so fast, who knows. Im really small and bruise easily. I thought my neck pain was from sleeping in my kids bed. I’ve slept on that bed before uncomfortable, but not all this pain. As I think more about it, it’s because of what he did to me. My neck fucking hurts and I have a headache. I think to myself how can you” love” or “care” about someone and yet hurt them. Then you continue when you see their fear see /hear them cry & they beg you to stop. That’s not love . He’s a monster an evil fucking monster! I begged and begged my father to take me with him. (He’s no longer with us) I am scared and I cant do it, but my wish is to die!",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,your husband is hurting you,,True,220 ela85g,Here's a fun positive site. Had a great time walking my dog and following the color I was given. Put a smile on my face,0,chitchat,1,,stibgock,1,0,0,2020-01-07 11:14:08,selfhelp,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 ejeuol,Please I need help to find a therapist,0,help-seeking,1,"Hello, I am from france and I'm going crazy. I do not understand how insurance and finding therapy works. I need help.",Nausicaateso,7,0,19,2020-01-03 12:36:13,getting_over_it,"Hello, I am from france and I'm going crazy. I do not understand how insurance and finding therapy works. I need help.",1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,the reason behind your need for therapy,How did X make you feel?,the process of searching for a therapist,What do you need help with now that X ?,need therapy,,True,100 eivvsf,Should I push myself?,1b,help-seeking,1,"I have been having the same conflict with my partner for awhile now. 4 years ago I was with someone who assaulted me with a kitchen knife and strangled me until I blacked out. That was just what ended our relationship but it had been 2 years of physical, sexual and emotional abuse. I have terrible flashbacks, and triggers, and they usually go on through the night. I live in the basement of my mom's house now; it is the only place I feel safe enough to live. My boyfriend now is a wonderful guy, but he really wants me to spend the night with him, at his place, and I am really terrified to go there right now. I have too many nightmares and flashbacks and am not wanting to have them anywhere else but my/ mother's house. I think my boyfriend is getting frustrated, and I wonder am I overreacting? Should I push myself?",hannah2lovely,1,0,3,2020-01-02 08:57:46,ptsd,"I have been having the same conflict with my partner for awhile now. 4 years ago I was with someone who assaulted me with a kitchen knife and strangled me until I blacked out. That was just what ended our relationship but it had been 2 years of physical, sexual and emotional abuse. I have terrible flashbacks, and triggers, and they usually go on through the night. I live in the basement of my mom's house now; it is the only place I feel safe enough to live. My boyfriend now is a wonderful guy, but he really wants me to spend the night with him, at his place, and I am really terrified to go there right now. I have too many nightmares and flashbacks and am not wanting to have them anywhere else but my/ mother's house. I think my boyfriend is getting frustrated, and I wonder am I overreacting? Should I push myself?",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ej1kqk,Fucking things up in relationships,1a,help-seeking,2,"I can’t stop fucking things up between my Bf and I. Things I do that drains energy in the relationship: 1) Spy on my partner’s phone in search of evidence he is cheating when he is not. 2) Demand too much attention. 3) A slight change in my partner’s mood makes me think he is seeing someone else or texting someone else. 4) can’t stand looking at him on his phone, browsing social media, it gives me anxiety. 5) I can get very paranoid. I can go from happy and lovely to serial killer in seconds. I’m in love with him but we fight a lot thanks to my mood swings and my mental shit that doesn’t let me act like a normal partner. Help! Advice me.",instarookie,4,0,4,2020-01-02 17:56:52,BPD,"I can’t stop fucking things up between my Bf and I. Things I do that drains energy in the relationship: 1) Spy on my partner’s phone in search of evidence he is cheating when he is not. 2) Demand too much attention. 3) A slight change in my partner’s mood makes me think he is seeing someone else or texting someone else. 4) can’t stand looking at him on his phone, browsing social media, it gives me anxiety. 5) I can get very paranoid. I can go from happy and lovely to serial killer in seconds. I’m in love with him but we fight a lot thanks to my mood swings and my mental shit that doesn’t let me act like a normal partner. Help! Advice me.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,your mood swings are affecting your relationship,,True,220 emoqf2,"Read My Journal! Spiritual awakening, self love, acceptance...",0,chitchat,2,,a_human_experience,1,0,0,2020-01-10 09:39:31,selfhelp,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 ei9r85,I hope I kill myself this year,1c,rant,2,"I am so fucking done with this bullshit. Fuck everything, fuck the politics, fuck the relatives with their bullshit, fuck me - fuck everything. I'm a steaming pile of garbage of a person, I've been a mess all my ""life"" or rather existence - that's the correct word probably. Keeping straight face when talking to my parents takes all my fucking energy. I can't just tell them that I think that they should've fucking aborted me. I don't think that, I fucking know that. All my fucking life was misery wrapped in suffering. Now its reaching new heights though, I'm starting to realize how fucked my own life is. How I'm fucked really. How I need to do something about, specifically stop procrastinating figuring out a way to kill myself and really fucking figure this shit. I should probably really apply myself to it, the way I apply myself to my job. I should get myself a second job to save up as much as possible for my relatives and then apply myself to solving this problem. Its not even that I'm tired or that, the reality of it is that if I have certain health problem - it would better for me to die, rather than live. I don't want to live like that myself even and above all else it would be meaning one more mouth to feed and spent funds on. Either way, I kinda maybe feel like I'm nearing my breaking point. I want to be released from this life of servitude. I want to fucking vanish into void. I fucking hope atheists are right (I'm an agnostic).",ivan0x32,1,0,0,2019-12-31 22:19:52,depression,"I am so fucking done with this bullshit. Fuck everything, fuck the politics, fuck the relatives with their bullshit, fuck me - fuck everything. I'm a steaming pile of garbage of a person, I've been a mess all my ""life"" or rather existence - that's the correct word probably. Keeping straight face when talking to my parents takes all my fucking energy. I can't just tell them that I think that they should've fucking aborted me. I don't think that, I fucking know that. All my fucking life was misery wrapped in suffering. Now its reaching new heights though, I'm starting to realize how fucked my own life is. How I'm fucked really. How I need to do something about, specifically stop procrastinating figuring out a way to kill myself and really fucking figure this shit. I should probably really apply myself to it, the way I apply myself to my job. I should get myself a second job to save up as much as possible for my relatives and then apply myself to solving this problem. Its not even that I'm tired or that, the reality of it is that if I have certain health problem - it would better for me to die, rather than live. I don't want to live like that myself even and above all else it would be meaning one more mouth to feed and spent funds on. Either way, I kinda maybe feel like I'm nearing my breaking point. I want to be released from this life of servitude. I want to fucking vanish into void. I fucking hope atheists are right (I'm an agnostic).",1,1,1,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what caused you reach your breaking point,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel about life,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you want to work on yourself,,True,111 eip56g,Performance Anxiety,1a,rant,1,"I suffer from pretty bad performance anxiety, when I was in school it was regarding tests and now when I work it's about doing a job. I'm constantly anxious about making mistakes so that I'll end up fired. Due to this I over compensate by being generally very good at what I do. In school I got very good graders and I'm doing very well at my job (just started 3 months ago). This sucks and keeps me from actually being able to enjoy my job and whenever I make a mistake I over think it and get super anxious about it.",swedishgirl1234,1,0,2,2020-01-01 22:52:44,Anxiety,"I suffer from pretty bad performance anxiety, when I was in school it was regarding tests and now when I work it's about doing a job. I'm constantly anxious about making mistakes so that I'll end up fired. Due to this I over compensate by being generally very good at what I do. In school I got very good graders and I'm doing very well at my job (just started 3 months ago). This sucks and keeps me from actually being able to enjoy my job and whenever I make a mistake I over think it and get super anxious about it.",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are unable to enjoy your job,,True,220 eiava9,It's boring,1a,rant,1,"Everything now just seems.....boring. A lot of things I used to enjoy are just so dull now. Whether it be playing games or going out with friends. Going to school or working out. Nothing really seems to be enjoyable anymore. Back in grade school I was feeling it but I always ignored it. I tried to make myself happy as much as I could. As the end of the near came to a close, my mental state has been decreasing ever so slowly. But between me getting dumped to my mother being really suicidal and then losing a whole bunch of my ""friends,"" it's just really hard to be happy anymore. Thanksgiving was a bust. I drank until I forgot. Christmas was wack, nobody showed up. And now I'm here at home on New Year's Eve. I cant force myself to be happy anymore. Where did it all go wrong?",throwaway93637282,1,0,1,2019-12-31 23:49:26,depression,"Everything now just seems.....boring. A lot of things I used to enjoy are just so dull now. Whether it be playing games or going out with friends. Going to school or working out. Nothing really seems to be enjoyable anymore. Back in grade school I was feeling it but I always ignored it. I tried to make myself happy as much as I could. As the end of the near came to a close, my mental state has been decreasing ever so slowly. But between me getting dumped to my mother being really suicidal and then losing a whole bunch of my ""friends,"" it's just really hard to be happy anymore. Thanksgiving was a bust. I drank until I forgot. Christmas was wack, nobody showed up. And now I'm here at home on New Year's Eve. I cant force myself to be happy anymore. Where did it all go wrong?",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are unhappy with everything,,True,220 fna5yz,How do I live again?,1a,help-seeking,1,"I want to know how to gain the will and the ability to just do what I want and live again, I want some sort of real solution because I'm so tired of this horrible cycle. I hate it and I enjoy it. My life is slowly swirling downwards and every day is worse and I just feel like if it doesn't get under control now I'll drown. Thanks in advance",DYJacket,1,0,8,2020-03-23 00:05:09,getting_over_it,I want to know how to gain the will and the ability to just do what I want and live again. I want some sort of real solution because I'm so tired of this horrible cycle. I hate it and I enjoy it. My life is slowly swirling downwards and every day is worse I just feel like if it doesn't get under control now I'll drown. Thanks in advance,1,2,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you are tired of the horrible cycle,,,,,,True,122 ek8b1i,Drank after 10 months,1a,rant,1,"Relapsed after 10 months and can’t seem to put more than 27 days together at the most, mainly last a few days or a week then drink. I hate being alone and I’m very lonely. Idk why, I’m not ugly or stupid. Just at the point where idc anymore, again. Wtf is wrong with me man",hotbabesthrowaway,3,0,19,2020-01-05 04:53:10,alcoholicsanonymous,"Relapsed after 10 months and can’t seem to put more than 27 days together at the most, mainly last a few days or a week then drink. I hate being alone and I’m very lonely. Idk why, I’m not ugly or stupid. Just at the point where idc anymore, again. Wtf is wrong with me man",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you not relapse again,,True,221 eijuf1,Anyone else intentionally pushing everyone away?,0,survey,1,"If they run, they wont get hurt. I know I am going to feel shitty and alone, but better to ruin My unimportant life then theirs.",medusa_in_the_mirror,1,0,15,2020-01-01 16:03:31,BPD," Anyone else intentionally pushing everyone away? If they run, they wont get hurt. I know I am going to feel shitty and alone, but better to ruin My unimportant life then theirs.",1,2,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you are pushing everyone away,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel lonely,,True,120 f4urue,Idk what to do.,1b,help-seeking,2,"This is a really bad and hard situation I am in. I moved to a new state with a guy I been dating. He lives here and has been letting me stay at his house to get on my feet, at least that’s what he made me think. Once I started working, he wanted all of my money since he’s been taking care of me and will keep doing so, as he says. I work as a dancer, so this is just a different lifestyle than most people. So the other night I stayed later at work because there was an after party. And came back in the morning to all my things packed up and in the car. He found and took my social security card and my birth certificate. He made me get in and took my phone and went through my all messages. I’ve been having a hard time here so I been venting a lot to my best friend and I’ve still been talking to this guy who I’ve fallen in love with, he took that all personal. He drove me around all day, threatened to drop me off to some pimps. He spit of me and called me all types of names and abusive shit. Then finally dropped me off at a Motel 6, got me a new phone that he won’t let me connect my iCloud to so I have no numbers. And said all I’m going to do is work and come back until I deserve to be back in the house. When he left, he took my ID and debit card. So I literally have nothing and I’m stuck in a state with no friends or family. I don’t want to call the cops because I’m scared and I don’t know if they’d be able to retrieve all my stuff back from him. I just want to go back home but I can’t even get on a plane without my identification documents. I feel so trapped. He’s making it seem like he’s trying to help me but I just want to go home. He said I have to work back all the money he’s spent on me. Please someone give me some sound advice. Should I go to the cops? Will they be able to help me get my stuff back? I don’t even want to press charges I just want out of this situation.",Novel-Occasion,1,0,6,2020-02-16 18:29:53,domesticviolence,"This is a really bad and hard situation I am in. I moved to a new state with a guy I been dating. He lives here and has been letting me stay at his house to get on my feet, at least that’s what he made me think. Once I started working, he wanted all of my money since he’s been taking care of me and will keep doing so, as he says. I work as a dancer, so this is just a different lifestyle than most people. So the other night I stayed later at work because there was an after party. And came back in the morning to all my things packed up and in the car. He found and took my social security card and my birth certificate. He made me get in and took my phone and went through my all messages. I’ve been having a hard time here so I been venting a lot to my best friend and I’ve still been talking to this guy who I’ve fallen in love with, he took that all personal. He drove me around all day, threatened to drop me off to some pimps. He spit of me and called me all types of names and abusive shit. Then finally dropped me off at a Motel 6, got me a new phone that he won’t let me connect my iCloud to so I have no numbers. And said all I’m going to do is work and come back until I deserve to be back in the house. When he left, he took my ID and debit card. So I literally have nothing and I’m stuck in a state with no friends or family. I don’t want to call the cops because I’m scared and I don’t know if they’d be able to retrieve all my stuff back from him. I just want to go back home but I can’t even get on a plane without my identification documents. I feel so trapped. He’s making it seem like he’s trying to help me but I just want to go home. He said I have to work back all the money he’s spent on me. Please someone give me some sound advice. Should I go to the cops? Will they be able to help me get my stuff back? I don’t even want to press charges I just want out of this situation.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ei7311,To the lady at Great Clips who cut my hair...,0,chitchat,1,"THANK YOU. I didn’t even brush it for several months because I was so depressed over my mom’s passing. Several salons refused to work with me due to the bugs in my hair, and I used dog shampoo several times. Thank you for giving me a managable style, pampering me while I cried, and helping me feel beautiful again. :) Happy NYE.",PigeonCherisher,1,0,4,2019-12-31 18:54:18,depression,"THANK YOU. I didn’t even brush it for several months because I was so depressed over my mom’s passing. Several salons refused to work with me due to the bugs in my hair, and I used dog shampoo several times. Thank you for giving me a managable style, pampering me while I cried, and helping me feel beautiful again. :) Happy NYE.",2,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,your mom's passing away ,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel depressed,the post was a thank you post,True,200 ekq9t0,Anybody hanging around this hour? I hope so,0,survey,1,"Feeling very reflective and needing to express just, anything. Ya know? I hope so",gatsby06,1,0,4,2020-01-06 06:45:23,OpiatesRecovery,"Feeling very reflective and needing to express just, anything. Ya know? I hope so",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 elm3g6,"I grabbed the gun that I keep in my drawer, Put it to your head and said ""I don't love you anymore.""",0,rant,1,,-sad_boy_hours-,1,0,0,2020-01-08 02:25:01,sad,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 el00sb,How do you know,0,help-seeking,1,How do you know if you’re an alcoholic? I like to drink but I don’t crave it. I enjoy a nice bourbon. I just don’t want to over do it.,AvengerGuardian,1,0,7,2020-01-06 20:45:25,alcoholicsanonymous,How do you know if you’re an alcoholic? I like to drink but I don’t crave it. I enjoy a nice bourbon. I just don’t want to over do it.,2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,drinking,,,,True,202 ei8ncs,"I really really hate hangers, and drawers",0,survey,2,"But I love clothes! I CAN throw something on and be out the door in a hurry, especially when I'm medicated, but that's just no fun. I really want to keep my clothes off the floor, and also have them somewhat easy to access I LOVE getting dressed in fun outfits and changing up my look, I've collected quite a wardrobe that I really enjoy and it tends to take me awhile to decide on (and then FIND T.T) what I'm going to wear, if I'm enjoying myself. When I get in the zone, drawers and hangers will irritate me and snap me out of it, so when I do get in the zone, things that get pulled out and then rejected don't get put back away. So even on the few miraculous occasions that I've gotten everything put away, just one day of allowing myself to actually enjoy my wardrobe ends up destroying all that work. Are there any clothes lovers here that have figured out how to handle some aspect of this problem in their own life? Ideas are good too, but I'd really really like to hear from someone who has DEALT with something similar.",AceTrainerLulu,1,0,2,2019-12-31 20:50:56,ADHD,"I really really hate hangers, and drawers But I love clothes! I CAN throw something on and be out the door in a hurry, especially when I'm medicated, but that's just no fun. I really want to keep my clothes off the floor, and also have them somewhat easy to access I LOVE getting dressed in fun outfits and changing up my look, I've collected quite a wardrobe that I really enjoy and it tends to take me awhile to decide on (and then FIND T.T) what I'm going to wear, if I'm enjoying myself. When I get in the zone, drawers and hangers will irritate me and snap me out of it, so when I do get in the zone, things that get pulled out and then rejected don't get put back away. So even on the few miraculous occasions that I've gotten everything put away, just one day of allowing myself to actually enjoy my wardrobe ends up destroying all that work. Are there any clothes lovers here that have figured out how to handle some aspect of this problem in their own life? Ideas are good too, but I'd really really like to hear from someone who has DEALT with something similar.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eiukyl,Just quickly excused myself from my friend's house to go take a diarrhea shit at home.,0,help-seeking,1,Anyone have poop anxiety?,ginwithbutts,1,0,1,2020-01-02 06:28:06,socialanxiety,Just quickly excused myself from my friend's house to go take a diarrhea shit at home. Anyone have poop anxiety?,1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what caused the anxiety,How did X make you feel?,anxiety,What do you need help with now that X?,you felt anxious with your friend,,True,100 f38vos,Sometimes I want to make myself too intoxicated to consent and just see what happens,1a,rant,2,"It's so tempting to get loaded in public and act slutty at concerts and leave my drink unattended. The thought flashed across my mind at a punk show I went to a few months ago. The main gig even had a lyric about being groped while moshing. In practice, though, I only feel safe drinking much in front of friends and family, so that's why I bring them with me to make sure I keep my risk-taking tendencies in check. I pretty obviously wouldn't be this way if I wasn't sexually abused. I hate that I'm so morbidly tempted to put myself in danger. I hate that I'm so self-aware about it too. It's as though I'm compelled by something visceral inside me to just put a big sign on my head that reads ""violate me"". I've never done it, but only through sheer force of will and my self-respect. But the urge to self-destruct is still there. Still programmed inside me by my abuse. It wasn't there before. It's like my abuser made a home inside my head and can visit me telepathically at any time. I hear her voice inside my head a lot. ""Why don't you trust me?"" ""Bend over, babe."" Et cetera. I fear deep down that all I need is one shitty day at work for me to spiral then get plastered and slutty at a gay bar. That's all it took when I was breaking down this time last year, 6 months after I was raped. This is why i still have that voice that tells me it's my fault. All my life I've done shit to put myself in harm's way. That's how I met my rapist in the first place. Why can't I stop letting abusers run my life?",SW96,1,0,2,2020-02-13 11:55:25,rapecounseling,"It's so tempting to get loaded in public and act slutty at concerts and leave my drink unattended. The thought flashed across my mind at a punk show I went to a few months ago. The main gig even had a lyric about being groped while moshing. In practice, though, I only feel safe drinking much in front of friends and family, so that's why I bring them with me to make sure I keep my risk-taking tendencies in check. I pretty obviously wouldn't be this way if I wasn't sexually abused. I hate that I'm so morbidly tempted to put myself in danger. I hate that I'm so self-aware about it too. It's as though I'm compelled by something visceral inside me to just put a big sign on my head that reads ""violate me"". I've never done it, but only through sheer force of will and my self-respect. But the urge to self-destruct is still there. Still programmed inside me by my abuse. It wasn't there before. It's like my abuser made a home inside my head and can visit me telepathically at any time. I hear her voice inside my head a lot. ""Why don't you trust me?"" ""Bend over, babe."" Et cetera. I fear deep down that all I need is one shitty day at work for me to spiral then get plastered and slutty at a gay bar. That's all it took when I was breaking down this time last year, 6 months after I was raped. This is why i still have that voice that tells me it's my fault. All my life I've done shit to put myself in harm's way. That's how I met my rapist in the first place. Why can't I stop letting abusers run my life?",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you control your self destructive tendencies,,True,221 elrp53,Found another one that fits me :''(,0,chitchat,2,,i-am-sad-and-alone,1,0,2,2020-01-08 11:49:16,sad,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 epzl55,Check In: 1/17/20,0,chitchat,1,"I am doing good, I couldn't sleep for shit last night but that isn't new. I grabbed a few hours and might be able to drop an hour or two after this. Program is solid right now. Really plugged in again and its working. I am glad that I have previous clean time to pull on. Also, I have had Mexican food 3 times this week and want more.",c0mm0nSenseplz,1,0,4,2020-01-17 12:12:51,OpiatesRecovery,"I am doing good, I couldn't sleep for shit last night but that isn't new. I grabbed a few hours and might be able to drop an hour or two after this. Program is solid right now. Really plugged in again and its working. I am glad that I have previous clean time to pull on. Also, I have had Mexican food 3 times this week and want more.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eyf2yx,Homeless and seeking immediate employment. Please help,0,help-seeking,2,"Hello, I am hoping someone can help by referring resources. I'll try to make my very long story short. I was in a very violent relationship (suffered concussions and injuries to legs and arms) and forced to quit my job and move out of my apartment bc I feared my ex doing more harm to me-threats were made that I would be killed. I have been hit in the head with a gun by my ex, so I did not take those threats lightly. My ex has since been arrested and sentenced to years in prison. Here's the problem, when you are a domestic violence survivor, battered women shelters offer you a place to live, but once the abuser has been convicted and detained, you're out of luck and the shelters will not help you because ""you're no longer in danger"". I am now homeless and unemployed in Los Angeles, and although I have contacted 211 for help, the organizations are overwhelmed and cannot help. I am college educated and just need an opportunity to get back on my feet. I have a car, but if I do not find a job soon, it may be repossessed. I never thought I would experience something this painful and traumatic. I am a very private person, so posting this is humiliating, but I am out of options. I grew up in foster care, so do not have support from family or friends. This is depressing and I am ready to give up. I am posting this on different groups bc I am not sure where to go for help. If anyone knows of any solutions, please help. Thank you!",ajet1212,1,0,27,2020-02-03 22:14:50,domesticviolence,"Hello, I am hoping someone can help by referring resources. I'll try to make my very long story short. I was in a very violent relationship (suffered concussions and injuries to legs and arms) and forced to quit my job and move out of my apartment. I feared my ex doing more harm to me-threats were made that I would be killed. I have been hit in the head with a gun by my ex, so I did not take those threats lightly. My ex has since been arrested and sentenced to years in prison. Here's the problem, when you are a domestic violence survivor, battered women shelters offer you a place to live, but once the abuser has been convicted and detained, you're out of luck and the shelters will not help you because ""you're no longer in danger"". I am now homeless and unemployed in Los Angeles, and although I have contacted 211 for help, the organizations are overwhelmed and cannot help. I am college educated and just need an opportunity to get back on my feet. I have a car, but if I do not find a job soon, it may be repossessed. I never thought I would experience something this painful and traumatic. I am a very private person, so posting this is humiliating, but I am out of options. I grew up in foster care, so do not have support from family or friends. This is depressing and I am ready to give up. I am posting this on different groups bc I am not sure where to go for help. If anyone knows of any solutions, please help. Thank you!",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 enrjei,"Any folks in here have experience with ibogaine? I am very interested in this and would like to hear some first hand experiences. Also, if you could clarify what country you are in? Ty",0,survey,1,,foggymaria,1,0,9,2020-01-12 18:53:52,OpiatesRecovery,"Any folks in here have experience with ibogaine? I am very interested in this and would like to hear some first hand experiences. Also, if you could clarify what country you are in? Ty nan",0,0,2,What happened that you want X ?,to take ibogaine,Why are you wanting X ?,to consume ibogaine,,,,True,002 ejpwhw,Relapsed after 1 month,1a,rant,1,"After a month of fighting urges, my dad finally pushed me over the edge. I couldn't take it, I hate my family more then I could ever even say. I feel so pathetic and wasted, I put in so much effort to stop sh but I can't, not with my family the way it is. Normally I talk to my friend on discord if he bothers me, but I burden her to much. I told my gf I'd stop after she said ""if you don't stop we're over"" but I can't, and she means to much to me to lose.",toasty-chan-uwu,2,0,6,2020-01-04 02:08:59,selfharm,"After a month of fighting urges, my dad finally pushed me over the edge. I couldn't take it. I hate my family more then I could ever even say. I feel so pathetic and wasted, I put in so much effort to stop sh but I can't, not with my family the way it is. Normally I talk to my friend on discord if he bothers me, but I burden her to much. I told my gf I'd stop after she said ""if you don't stop we're over"" but I can't, and she means to much to me to lose.",1,2,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how your dad pushed you over the edge,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you relapsed again due to your dad,,True,120 ej2w2g,Observations when driving,1a,help-seeking,2,"I am currently learning to drive (and taking a long arse time because of my lack of focus - 60 hours and counting). Besides my concentration obviously an issue, I'm physically not too bad at driving (learning in a manual), there are just a few potentially major issues. One being not watching what I'm doing, where I'm driving and either over- or under-reacting. My instructor has to constantly remind me to make my observations before moving off because I rarely remember, and of course it's dangerous so he puts his foot on the brake until he's positive I've looked, but when I'm driving alone I won't be able to have him there with me so it makes me anxious. I know I should do it, and I do do it sometimes, but never very well. It's even worse when I'm reversing because I should really be observing more and I observe A LOT less, but only because it takes so much focus. I hate bay parking. Does anyone have any tips to help me remember? I know I should just think safety first but that has never worked for me, even for years riding my bike, I nearly have so many accidents like (almost) hitting cars and people and other stuff. I act without thinking, and now that the driving is becoming second nature to me I'm a little worse with my observations because I'm beginning to drive on automatic since I don't need to pay as much attention to what I'm doing like gears and braking, etc. Thanks.",JustMe11-11,1,0,8,2020-01-02 19:29:48,ADHD,"I am currently learning to drive (and taking a long arse time because of my lack of focus - 60 hours and counting). Besides my concentration obviously an issue, I'm physically not too bad at driving (learning in a manual), there are just a few potentially major issues. One being not watching what I'm doing, where I'm driving and either over- or under-reacting. My instructor has to constantly remind me to make my observations before moving off because I rarely remember, and of course it's dangerous so he puts his foot on the brake until he's positive I've looked, but when I'm driving alone I won't be able to have him there with me so it makes me anxious. I know I should do it, and I do do it sometimes, but never very well. It's even worse when I'm reversing because I should really be observing more and I observe A LOT less, but only because it takes so much focus. I hate bay parking. Does anyone have any tips to help me remember? I know I should just think safety first but that has never worked for me, even for years riding my bike, I nearly have so many accidents like (almost) hitting cars and people and other stuff. I act without thinking, and now that the driving is becoming second nature to me I'm a little worse with my observations because I'm beginning to drive on automatic since I don't need to pay as much attention to what I'm doing like gears and braking, etc. Thanks.",2,1,2,,,,,,,,True,212 eikuna,"Does anyone else feel awful when everything that read about ADHD is ""Children with ADHD....""?",1c,survey,1,It makes me feel like I should've grown out of it by now or something.,Gamerguywon,1,0,2,2020-01-01 17:25:58,ADHD,"Does anyone else feel awful when everything that read about ADHD is ""Children with ADHD....""? It makes me feel like I should've grown out of it by now or something.",2,1,0,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how your ADHD makes you feel,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel awful reading about children with adhd,,True,210 eiokwz,Experiences with internalizing ADHD?,0,survey,2,"I am 36 years old and I think I may have ADHD. I am not looking for an official diagnosis here, but I wanted to see what experiences others have had with anxiety/depression/stress related to internalizing ADHD struggles and how family/doctors were able to detect your ADHD? Some of my symptoms are: social withdrawal, restlessness, scattered thinking, chronic list/schedule/idea developer with little or no follow through, hypervigilance, escaping to future/past thoughts and my creative imagination constantly, internalized lack of patience (eg, I complete other people’s sentences in my head or try to understand where the conversation is headed), difficulty focusing during conversations (too many thoughts), 1000 ideas for hobbies and if I try one for a little while I wonder why I didn’t select the other 999, “push” through work (eg, if I make a list of 3 top tasks at work I will sometimes procrastinate and then I think I use performance anxiety to push through the necessary work quickly, I procrastinate getting up and ready until last minute, low motivation, fidgeting/doodling...usually when in deep thought, etc. I was diagnosed with ADHD as a teen by a counselor, but the family doctor said I didn’t have it when my family got a 2nd opinion...I think this was due to lack of outward behaviors such as acting out in school. Has anyone had a similar experience where you aren’t externalizing or doing risky behaviors?",That_Guy2019,1,0,4,2020-01-01 22:05:56,ADHD,"I am 36 years old and I think I may have ADHD. I am not looking for an official diagnosis here, but I wanted to see what experiences others have had with anxiety/depression/stress related to internalizing ADHD struggles and how family/doctors were able to detect your ADHD? Some of my symptoms are: social withdrawal, restlessness, scattered thinking, chronic list/schedule/idea developer with little or no follow through, hypervigilance, escaping to future/past thoughts and my creative imagination constantly, internalized lack of patience (eg, I complete other people’s sentences in my head or try to understand where the conversation is headed), difficulty focusing during conversations (too many thoughts), 1000 ideas for hobbies and if I try one for a little while I wonder why I didn’t select the other 999, “push” through work (eg, if I make a list of 3 top tasks at work I will sometimes procrastinate and then I think I use performance anxiety to push through the necessary work quickly, I procrastinate getting up and ready until last minute, low motivation, fidgeting/doodling...usually when in deep thought, etc. I was diagnosed with ADHD as a teen by a counselor, but the family doctor said I didn’t have it when my family got a 2nd opinion...I think this was due to lack of outward behaviors such as acting out in school. Has anyone had a similar experience where you aren’t externalizing or doing risky behaviors?",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eilimt,Embracing BPD,0,rant,1,"I'm tired of pretending to be someone else. It's embarrassing and it's boring. I don't care what I'm 'supposed to be'. When I allow my BPD to direct my life I feel happier. It's a risky business ..",sniffing_dog,1,0,0,2020-01-01 18:16:54,BPD,I'm tired of pretending to be someone else. It's embarrassing and it's boring. I don't care what I'm 'supposed to be'. When I allow my BPD to direct my life I feel happier. It's a risky business ..,1,2,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you are pretending to be someone else,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel embarrassed pretending to be someone else,,True,120 eiwllr,i just hurt myself and i really really regret it,1a,rant,1,"its toxic, but they're not bad enough to be worth it. i hate scars and these weak little ones are just going to further clutter my body. i feel very disgusted in myself,, i have things to do tomorrow and i dread going through the fear of hiding it, the bleeding through, everything. just wish that i could take it back",begrudginglyneutral,1,0,0,2020-01-02 10:25:43,selfharm,"i just hurt myself. i really really regret it . its toxic, but they're not bad enough to be worth it. i hate scars and these weak little ones are just going to further clutter my body. i feel very disgusted in myself,, i have things to do tomorrow and i dread going through the fear of hiding it, the bleeding through, everything. just wish that i could take it back",1,2,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you hurt yourself,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you regret hurting yourself,,True,120 eiqaf8,"ADHD is having a library's worth of interesting books full of knowledge and wisdom on your bookshelf, but it not meaning a damn thing because you can't retain any information.",1a,rant,1,"Or at least that's how it is with me. The books I have are useless to me because I could read them all front to back 100 times each and not retain a single piece of information. Really fun living with this.",EarthMotherFucker,1,0,4,2020-01-02 00:22:30,ADHD,Or at least that's how it is with me. The books I have are useless to me because I could read them all front to back 100 times each and not retain a single piece of information. Really fun living with this.,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 eiup28,Social anxiety and stuttering.,1a,rant,2,"Sorry guys. This is basically just a rant. I just needed to vent. But maybe someone could relate. So basically my whole life I have delt with a stutter that comes and goes depending on if I am anxious or depressed. It can get really bad to the point where I am almost unable to communicate with even close friends and family. But its not the kind of stutter where i get caught on a sound and people know im stuttering. Its the kind of stutter where i cant get any sound out at the beginning of a sentance or statment. For example: if someone were to ask me for my name when placing an order i almost always freeze and there is a long awkward pause where I am trying to say my name. It's totally humiliating. Especially when trying to make a goof first impression.. BUT on the other hand if I'm feeling relaxed and things are okay I can sometimes go long periods of time without stuttering entirely. And infact can be fairly quick with small talk as long as im in the right setting/ mood with the right people. Recently though this had not been the case. I have been feeling as though I am digging myself deeper and deeper into a hole I won't be able to get out of. Here is kinda where I am at now. I'm 23 and single but I havnt had a girlfriend since basically my junior year of high school. in over 6 years. I have had 2 random hook ups in that time though.. spaced out between years. So defiently rare but maybe I'm not totally lost and i guess it could happen again. I am not the best looking dude around in my opinion. I unfortunately started rapidly balding at around 20 and now i am completely bald. And I honestly still havnt come to accept it. It totally bums me out actually because I feel like l not that long ago was in high school with really nice hair. And now it's all gone. But I'm more lonely than ever now . It's been years since any physical or emotional contact with a female. I feel like I don't have the capability to go out and meet new people like i used too. I always feel like I'm a follower and not a leader. I feel as though i have nothing to offer and no future in sight. I am now working the most dead end pest control job. Its the least sexy job. I dont feel valued. It seems as though my relationships with my closest friends are dying out faster and faster and I slide deeper and deeper into this hole. And now Leading to this point now where I just stayed home alone for the past 3 days sitting in the same spot on my couch watching tv. New years was terrible. Christmas sucked too. Sorry this is such a lame rant.",gmccleery,1,0,10,2020-01-02 06:40:05,socialanxiety,Sorry guys. This is basically just a rant. I just needed to vent. But maybe someone could relate. So basically my whole life I have delt with a stutter that comes and goes depending on if I am anxious or depressed. It can get really bad to the point where I am almost unable to communicate with even close friends and family. But its not the kind of stutter where i get caught on a sound and people know im stuttering. Its the kind of stutter where i cant get any sound out at the beginning of a sentance or statment. For example: if someone were to ask me for my name when placing an order i almost always freeze and there is a long awkward pause where I am trying to say my name. It's totally humiliating. Especially when trying to make a goof first impression.. BUT on the other hand if I'm feeling relaxed and things are okay I can sometimes go long periods of time without stuttering entirely. And infact can be fairly quick with small talk as long as im in the right setting/ mood with the right people. Recently though this had not been the case. I have been feeling as though I am digging myself deeper and deeper into a hole I won't be able to get out of. Here is kinda where I am at now. I'm 23 and single but I havnt had a girlfriend since basically my junior year of high school. in over 6 years. I have had 2 random hook ups in that time though.. spaced out between years. So defiently rare but maybe I'm not totally lost and i guess it could happen again. I am not the best looking dude around in my opinion. I unfortunately started rapidly balding at around 20 and now i am completely bald. And I honestly still havnt come to accept it. It totally bums me out actually because I feel like l not that long ago was in high school with really nice hair. And now it's all gone. But I'm more lonely than ever now . It's been years since any physical or emotional contact with a female. I feel like I don't have the capability to go out and meet new people like i used too. I always feel like I'm a follower and not a leader. I feel as though i have nothing to offer and no future in sight. I am now working the most dead end pest control job. Its the least sexy job. I dont feel valued. It seems as though my relationships with my closest friends are dying out faster and faster and I slide deeper and deeper into this hole. And now Leading to this point now where I just stayed home alone for the past 3 days sitting in the same spot on my couch watching tv. New years was terrible. Christmas sucked too. Sorry this is such a lame rant.,2,2,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,221 ez48cj,Chances of my(25/F) getting prosecuted?,0,help-seeking,1,"I was raped a few months agi. I had given up on justice until one day out of a hutch I looked up his address amd first name amd found out he's a registered sex offender for sexual acts against a child under 14 years of age. I decided to file a police report amd now the detective is questioning my ex and friemd whom I told. She already spoke to the suspect. Simce he's already a registered sex offender, is he more likely to be prosecuted?",HumanError94,1,0,2,2020-02-05 05:09:46,rapecounseling,"I was raped a few months agi. I had given up on justice until one day out of a hutch I looked up his address amd first name amd found out he's a registered sex offender for sexual acts against a child under 14 years of age. I decided to file a police report amd now the detective is questioning my ex and friemd whom I told. She already spoke to the suspect. Simce he's already a registered sex offender, is he more likely to be prosecuted?",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,how did finding out he is a registered sex offender,,,,True,202 el6dy0,"Hi, I’m currently dealing with some mental health issues. I have no friends at school, I’m an introvert, and have social anxiety (not for sure but after a year I’ve come to that conclusion). Any advice on how I could get help. How do I talk to my family about my issues.",1a,help-seeking,1,,whyyy_mee,1,0,4,2020-01-07 04:37:36,mentalillness,"Hi, I’m currently dealing with some mental health issues. I have no friends at school, I’m an introvert, and have social anxiety (not for sure but after a year I’ve come to that conclusion). Any advice on how I could get help. How do I talk to my family about my issues. nan",1,0,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what mental health issues you have,How did X make you feel?,social anxiety and mental issues,,,,True,102 ejecv4,Magnesium importance on chemical dependence - A brief overview of glutamate role on addiction,0,help-seeking,2,"so I’ve been researching a lot everything about addiction/psychopharmacology for a long time now. I have an extremely compulsive drug-seeking behavior. I had 6 main addictions over my life; the most serious being opiates, cocaine and JWH - followed by tobacco, benzos and weed. there is massive research about the role of glutamate activation on drug-seeking behavior ([reference 1](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4633516/) , [reference 2](https://www.drugabuse.gov/news-events/latest-science/unraveling-mystery-glutamate-dopamine-connection) NMDA receptor antagonists are relative new targets for treating addiction. ( [reference 3](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3816684/) , [reference 4](https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/gbb.12348) when you abuse certain drugs like opiates, your body is depleted from water-soluble vitamins and minerals. the main issue here is the B complex, which is completely essential for proper brain function. [[reference 5](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4772032/) another important one is magnesium, a natural NMDA antagonist, calcium channels and GABA modulator ( [reference 6 ](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/30714574/) , [reference 7](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK507260/) [[reference 8](https://canprev.ca/all/magnesium-anxiety-depression-and-the-brain/) I’m 20 days clean, and am currently suffering from psychological addiction. all this new year’s partying are a strong trigger for someone like me. on desperation 6 days ago I bought magnesium chloride powder and started taking a teaspoon on the morning and another at night. yesterday I woke up feeling much lighter and overall feeling good. I didn’t even connected one thing to another, I thought it was just my mind recovering, and today I noticed a huge mood-stabilizer activity from taking the magnesium. ***I took magnesium only after consulting my doctor. this is an experience report and not a medical advice, always talk to your doc before ingesting any pharmaceuticals*** it really is working like a light general tranquilizer. i’m not having the compulsive and intrusive thoughts I usually get, im smoking way less and overall enhanced mental clarity. in conclusion it is doing wonders for me. if any of you reading this decide to take magnesium make sure you don’t consume the laxative formulations (mainly oxide and hydroxide). if you are quitting opiates and take a laxative you gonna have a shitty time (pun intended) magnesium chloride is not the best formulation, it is in the middle ground between the best and the worst, but it’s what I have access to. peace and a happy new year",zilbra,30,0,51,2020-01-03 11:46:02,addiction,"so I’ve been researching a lot everything about addiction/psychopharmacology for a long time now. I have an extremely compulsive drug-seeking behavior. I had 6 main addictions over my life; the most serious being opiates, cocaine and JWH - followed by tobacco, benzos and weed. there is massive research about the role of glutamate activation on drug-seeking behavior ([reference 1](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4633516/) , [reference 2](https://www.drugabuse.gov/news-events/latest-science/unraveling-mystery-glutamate-dopamine-connection) NMDA receptor antagonists are relative new targets for treating addiction. ( [reference 3](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3816684/) , [reference 4](https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/gbb.12348) when you abuse certain drugs like opiates, your body is depleted from water-soluble vitamins and minerals. the main issue here is the B complex, which is completely essential for proper brain function. [[reference 5](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4772032/) another important one is magnesium, a natural NMDA antagonist, calcium channels and GABA modulator ( [reference 6 ](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/30714574/) , [reference 7](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK507260/) [[reference 8](https://canprev.ca/all/magnesium-anxiety-depression-and-the-brain/) I’m 20 days clean, and am currently suffering from psychological addiction. all this new year’s partying are a strong trigger for someone like me. on desperation 6 days ago I bought magnesium chloride powder and started taking a teaspoon on the morning and another at night. yesterday I woke up feeling much lighter and overall feeling good. I didn’t even connected one thing to another, I thought it was just my mind recovering, and today I noticed a huge mood-stabilizer activity from taking the magnesium. ***I took magnesium only after consulting my doctor. this is an experience report and not a medical advice, always talk to your doc before ingesting any pharmaceuticals*** it really is working like a light general tranquilizer. i’m not having the compulsive and intrusive thoughts I usually get, im smoking way less and overall enhanced mental clarity. in conclusion it is doing wonders for me. if any of you reading this decide to take magnesium make sure you don’t consume the laxative formulations (mainly oxide and hydroxide). if you are quitting opiates and take a laxative you gonna have a shitty time (pun intended) magnesium chloride is not the best formulation, it is in the middle ground between the best and the worst, but it’s what I have access to. peace and a happy new year",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 f8nwor,I have goals but I'm scared at the same time if I reach them,1a,rant,1,"I'm a 28 y/o f, been feeling lost in life recently. By now, I thought I would have a decent career, be married and the world would be my oyster. My career is decent but my job security is low, I'm always worrying if I could get work elsewhere if my firm let go. I used to have long term relationships but not it's only short term. Here I am, heart broken again, with jo guy willing to fight for me. I have small groups of friends but I'm the one usually getting us together. I'm a 3rd culture kid until my parents settled in a country. I moved cities for work, but I cant see a future here anymore...as if I dont belong. So, I've put my love life on the back burner and decided to focus on my career AND move to another country for a fresh start. Feels exciting. My family is really supportive of the idea. Until, my anxiety kicks in that 28 is too late for me to be wanting to be settling elsewhere. What if I dont meet anyone. What if I make no new friends, find something I can call a tribe. What if I dont fit in the culture. What if I'm never meant to be happy. What if I go well into my 30s (and this is an awful mindset I know) feeling just as lost. What if I meet someone just before leaving? But I also know it wouldn't sit right if I spent my life in the same place as I am right now.",booloosha,1,0,1,2020-02-24 07:44:49,getting_over_it,"I'm a 28 y/o f, been feeling lost in life recently. By now, I thought I would have a decent career, be married and the world would be my oyster. My career is decent but my job security is low, I'm always worrying if I could get work elsewhere if my firm let go. I used to have long term relationships but not it's only short term. Here I am, heart broken again, with jo guy willing to fight for me. I have small groups of friends but I'm the one usually getting us together. I'm a 3rd culture kid until my parents settled in a country. I moved cities for work, but I cant see a future here anymore...as if I dont belong. So, I've put my love life on the back burner and decided to focus on my career AND move to another country for a fresh start. Feels exciting. My family is really supportive of the idea. Until, my anxiety kicks in that 28 is too late for me to be wanting to be settling elsewhere. What if I dont meet anyone. What if I make no new friends, find something I can call a tribe. What if I dont fit in the culture. What if I'm never meant to be happy. What if I go well into my 30s (and this is an awful mindset I know) feeling just as lost. What if I meet someone just before leaving? But I also know it wouldn't sit right if I spent my life in the same place as I am right now.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are nervous about moving to another place,,True,220 ekx7eb,Any strategies to overcome morning/daytime crying,1a,help-seeking,1,"I have MDD and I’m trying like hell to get out of this episode. I run five miles daily, adhere to Mediterranean diet, take bupropion, psychotherapy, etc etc. I’m sure many of you are familiar with this protocol. I’ve seen some improvement in symptoms/wanting to constantly die but I can’t stop crying all morning and day. I can finally do things now like get out of bed, shower, grocery shop, clean, and exercise but I do it all while tears are streaming down my face. My therapist has provided me with the good ole grounding and mindfulness techniques as well as some distress tolerance but little stops my crying. It may end briefly if I put my face in ice water then it resumes. It usually ends around 5-6 p.m. I don’t have this crying problem in the evening. This isn’t socially acceptable behavior and I’m unemployable right now because I can’t stop crying (crying while being otherwise poised through an interview was awkward. I tried to blame it on allergies). My family and friends are very concerned even though I assure them I’m doing much better since my hospitalization and truly I am. Has anyone dealt with this? Any strategies to overcome it?",DustyMcSnareSnare,1,0,14,2020-01-06 17:28:00,getting_over_it,"I have MDD and I’m trying like hell to get out of this episode. I run five miles daily, adhere to Mediterranean diet, take bupropion, psychotherapy, etc etc. I’m sure many of you are familiar with this protocol. I’ve seen some improvement in symptoms/wanting to constantly die but I can’t stop crying all morning and day. I can finally do things now like get out of bed, shower, grocery shop, clean, and exercise but I do it all while tears are streaming down my face. My therapist has provided me with the good ole grounding and mindfulness techniques as well as some distress tolerance but little stops my crying. It may end briefly if I put my face in ice water then it resumes. It usually ends around 5-6 p.m. I don’t have this crying problem in the evening. This isn’t socially acceptable behavior and I’m unemployable right now because I can’t stop crying (crying while being otherwise poised through an interview was awkward. I tried to blame it on allergies). My family and friends are very concerned even though I assure them I’m doing much better since my hospitalization and truly I am. Has anyone dealt with this? Any strategies to overcome it?",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,crying ,,,,True,202 eljz36,URGENT HELP/COUNSELLING,1a,help-seeking,1," I NEED SOME URGENT COUNSEELING,HELP TO HELP ME WITH AN ISSUE , I CALLED THEM TOAY AND SAID TO WAIT FOR A LETTER FOR AN APPOINTMENT BUT I DONT THINK I WILL HAVE THAT OPTION IN A WEEK CAN ANYBODY HELP ME WITH SOME DRUGS CHARITES WHO CAN HELP in the uk, i had to ask somebody today to save my life cuse i fucked up an overdosed on the drug , was the most out of body experiance ive ever had and i want the buzz again but i no that i would probbably have to ask for help again .",Djkaijones91,1,0,8,2020-01-07 23:42:40,addiction," I NEED SOME URGENT COUNSEELING,HELP TO HELP ME WITH AN ISSUE , I CALLED THEM TOAY AND SAID TO WAIT FOR A LETTER FOR AN APPOINTMENT BUT I DONT THINK I WILL HAVE THAT OPTION IN A WEEK. CAN ANYBODY HELP ME WITH SOME DRUGS CHARITES WHO CAN HELP in the uk. i had to ask somebody today to save my life cuse i fucked up an overdosed on the drug. was the most out of body experiance ive ever had and i want the buzz again but i no that i would probbably have to ask for help again .",1,1,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you overdosed,Can you elaborate more on X ?,the out of body experience you felt,,,,True,112 esl5bh,OVERCOME INSECURITIES and BOOST SELF CONFIDENCE (15 Ways to Stop Feeling...,0,chitchat,2,,EmyG28,1,0,0,2020-01-23 00:37:51,selfhelp,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 ekv6ag,Alchohol depleting vitamins & nutrients?,0,help-seeking,1,"I am 10 days clean off Hydromorphone. I'm feeling wonderful, actually filled with energy these last two days. I don't have a problem with alcohol anymore beyond the odd time getting drunk. I don't really find the feeling addictive like I did before opiates. What I don't know is how much it will deplete my body of the vitamins and nutrients I have been shovelling into it via food as well as supplements. Does anyone know the science behind it and if it would counteract the shit I've been shovelling into my body to help it heal?",CanadianBPD,1,0,4,2020-01-06 14:57:40,OpiatesRecovery,"I am 10 days clean off Hydromorphone. I'm feeling wonderful, actually filled with energy these last two days. I don't have a problem with alcohol anymore beyond the odd time getting drunk. I don't really find the feeling addictive like I did before opiates. What I don't know is how much it will deplete my body of the vitamins and nutrients I have been shovelling into it via food as well as supplements. Does anyone know the science behind it and if it would counteract the shit I've been shovelling into my body to help it heal?",2,1,2,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel without the hydromorphone,,,,True,212 ei97pm,I just feel like I’m worthless (vent kind of),1a,rant,1,I use hate myself so much and I always feel like a pussy cause when I cut I don’t go super deep and I feel like I’m always alone despite being with my family or friends I don’t even know if I like being around them like I don’t go out I always have an excuse to sit in my room and I just feel like no one cares about me like they wouldn’t even stop to think like damn he’s dead not even my friends idk if I can even call them that they keep saying they’re tired of my shit and that it doesn’t even seem like I’m trying to be happy and then they call me an asshole and just degrade me and make me feel even more worthless like the one out of my “friend group” the one I trust the most says that everyone says that I ruin everything when I’m around them it’s just I know no one cares not even the one person that I would want to care I’m just alone and I deserve nothing but pain and death,MemeyGameyBoi,1,0,3,2019-12-31 21:35:59,selfharm,I use hate myself so much and I always feel like a pussy cause when I cut I don’t go super deep and I feel like I’m always alone despite being with my family or friends I don’t even know if I like being around them like I don’t go out I always have an excuse to sit in my room and I just feel like no one cares about me like they wouldn’t even stop to think like damn he’s dead not even my friends idk if I can even call them that they keep saying they’re tired of my shit and that it doesn’t even seem like I’m trying to be happy and then they call me an asshole and just degrade me and make me feel even more worthless like the one out of my “friend group” the one I trust the most says that everyone says that I ruin everything when I’m around them it’s just I know no one cares not even the one person that I would want to care I’m just alone and I deserve nothing but pain and death,2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel no one cares about you,,True,220 ejjzb3,[TW] Hallucinations during intimacy. How to deal,1a,help-seeking,1,"Question: How do I stop seeing my abusers face when I'm with a loved and safe romantic partner? Backstory/ Explanation My ex left me partially because I made a disgusted face at him, and because needed lights on when we were going to have it. This only started several years into our relationship and over a decade after the abuse. Yesterday I took off my glasses while face timing a friend. Suddenly I saw the wrong face. I clutched my chest and started rapid, shallow breathing. I don't know how long I was like that before my friend asked if I was ok. It was probably only a few seconds but I was not so aware of my surroundings and when I came back I was in a fog like I'd just woken up. He has PTSD so I am sure he knew what he saw. How can I stop this from happening? I used to get triggered from really small things-- like having a computer in the bedroom-- but that's mostly over albeit I haven't tried another real relationship since my ex 2.5 years ago.",turkaturkat,2,0,2,2020-01-03 19:04:49,rapecounseling,"Question: How do I stop seeing my abusers face when I'm with a loved and safe romantic partner? Backstory/ Explanation My ex left me partially because I made a disgusted face at him, and because needed lights on when we were going to have it. This only started several years into our relationship and over a decade after the abuse. Yesterday I took off my glasses while face timing a friend. Suddenly I saw the wrong face. I clutched my chest and started rapid, shallow breathing. I don't know how long I was like that before my friend asked if I was ok . It was probably only a few seconds but I was not so aware of my surroundings and when I came back I was in a fog like I'd just woken up. He has PTSD so I am sure he knew what he saw. How can I stop this from happening? I used to get triggered from really small things-- like having a computer in the bedroom-- but that's mostly over albeit I haven't tried another real relationship since my ex 2.5 years ago.",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,the ptsd,,,,True,202 eiw66e,*TW* Death threat from relative,1b,help-seeking,1,"A survivor received a death threat from a close relative: “If I were you I’d be worried about my future. Very worried.” The survivor reported it to the police but the police didn’t take action. They told the survivor that the threat was too vague. The person who made the threat has slapped, punched, kicked and strangled the survivor in the past. They also pointed a rifle in the survivor’s face. They have a history of battering their partners. They were fined and never served time. Without police protection the survivor is on their own. Does anyone have any advice on how this survivor can protect themselves?",narcabuserehab,1,0,3,2020-01-02 09:33:25,domesticviolence,"A survivor received a death threat from a close relative: “If I were you I’d be worried about my future. Very worried.” The survivor reported it to the police but the police didn’t take action. They told the survivor that the threat was too vague. The person who made the threat has slapped, punched, kicked and strangled the survivor in the past. They also pointed a rifle in the survivor’s face. They have a history of battering their partners. They were fined and never served time. Without police protection the survivor is on their own. Does anyone have any advice on how this survivor can protect themselves?",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,the survivor receiving the threat,,,,True,202 eide41,Idk. Fuck this shit,1a,rant,1,I didn’t know where to post it. But I had to get it out. I didn’t think I would make it to 2020. I thought I would of ended it this year. And as it gets closer and closer. I want to end it. But I want to make it at the same time. I just am not doing well rn.,mypuppy6,1,0,0,2020-01-01 03:34:09,selfharm,I didn’t know where to post it. But I had to get it out. I didn’t think I would make it to 2020. I thought I would of ended it this year. And as it gets closer and closer. I want to end it. But I want to make it at the same time. I just am not doing well rn.,1,0,1,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you thought you wouldn't make it to 2020,How did X make you feel?,having a bad year,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you get better,,True,101 eimft2,Facebook Scenario Question,0,help-seeking,1,Picture this you can see someone’s status one day and another day you unfriend them and cannot see the status anymore and you want to see the status to satisfy your OCD but every conceivable way to retrieve said status is unreliable. How do you deal with this situation?,SmithProduction,1,0,4,2020-01-01 19:26:13,Anxiety,Picture this you can see someone’s status one day and another day you unfriend them and cannot see the status anymore and you want to see the status to satisfy your OCD but every conceivable way to retrieve said status is unreliable. How do you deal with this situation?,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 em5gmb,Been sober two years. Stopped working steps about a year and a half ago. Revisited AA recently and I'm thinking maybe it's not for me? Any suggestions or related experience?,0,help-seeking,2,"TLDR at end I've been sober almost two years. After finishing rehab, I lived at a sober living house where we were pretty much required to work steps. After I moved out, I stopped working steps and going to meetings. I worked the steps up through some of my amends. My life is great. I have a decent job, am in school, and have a good relationship with my family and significant other. I just started feeling that I have so much to lose now, I really wanted to ensure my sobriety -- Working steps and going to AA seems to work for a lot of people. I hit up someone I've been friends with on facebook since the first time I got sober years ago and asked her to sponsor me. She's been sober this whole time, and has had experience with ""outside issues,"" as have I. She asked me to buy an AA workbook called Big Book Awakening ($27!!! I wasn't happy with the price, but I use to spend much more than that a day on my habit.) After an hour of annotating, underlining and answering questions pertaining to the Big Book, I still wasn't to the official ""page 1"" of the Big Book. (I was still on the xxvvVIiiXi pages.) I thought -- Damn I'm doing all this work, I might as well take a look at the big bad hard step for me: step 2. When I was sober for about a year in 2013, I tried the praying my first sponsor told me to. It just didn't feel true to myself. It felt so fake. Once I relapsed, I was disgusted with how I had acted. Not only am I not religious. I'm not spiritual. I don't believe in any ""all powerful, guiding, creative intelligence."" Really, I don't identify as anything. It isn't a subject that interests me at all. When forced to identify with something, I choose atheist. There's a version of the 12 steps for atheists and my sponsor while I was living in the sober house worked with me on this. She's into magical rocks and shit like that. If that's your thing, cool. I mean, it's working for her. Again, not my thing. I haven't had a problem staying sober since I went to rehab about two years ago, but I've been to multiple rehabs, psych wards, and jails in the past and obviously had a lot of trouble staying sober then. I don't have any desire to drink or use drugs, and my life is really pretty good. Again, I just have so much to lose and I really want to ensure my sobriety. I just texted my (recently ex?)sponsor and canceled our meeting tomorrow. I said the workbook is too thorough and I'm not sure I can make it through the second step. TLDR; How do people that identify as atheist usually work the 12 steps? Has anyone else used the Big Book Awakening workbook?",cutthroat12,1,0,10,2020-01-09 05:51:07,alcoholicsanonymous,"TLDR at end I've been sober almost two years. After finishing rehab, I lived at a sober living house where we were pretty much required to work steps. After I moved out, I stopped working steps and going to meetings. I worked the steps up through some of my amends. My life is great. I have a decent job, am in school, and have a good relationship with my family and significant other. I just started feeling that I have so much to lose now, I really wanted to ensure my sobriety -- Working steps and going to AA seems to work for a lot of people. I hit up someone I've been friends with on facebook since the first time I got sober years ago and asked her to sponsor me. She's been sober this whole time, and has had experience with ""outside issues,"" as have I. She asked me to buy an AA workbook called Big Book Awakening ($27!!! I wasn't happy with the price, but I use to spend much more than that a day on my habit.) After an hour of annotating, underlining and answering questions pertaining to the Big Book, I still wasn't to the official ""page 1"" of the Big Book. (I was still on the xxvvVIiiXi pages.) I thought -- Damn I'm doing all this work, I might as well take a look at the big bad hard step for me: step 2. When I was sober for about a year in 2013, I tried the praying my first sponsor told me to. It just didn't feel true to myself. It felt so fake. Once I relapsed. I was disgusted with how I had acted. Not only am I not religious. I'm not spiritual. I don't believe in any ""all powerful, guiding, creative intelligence."" Really, I don't identify as anything. It isn't a subject that interests me at all. When forced to identify with something, I choose atheist. There's a version of the 12 steps for atheists and my sponsor while I was living in the sober house worked with me on this. She's into magical rocks and shit like that. If that's your thing, cool. I mean, it's working for her. Again, not my thing. I haven't had a problem staying sober since I went to rehab about two years ago, but I've been to multiple rehabs, psych wards, and jails in the past and obviously had a lot of trouble staying sober then. I don't have any desire to drink or use drugs, and my life is really pretty good. Again, I just have so much to lose and I really want to ensure my sobriety. I just texted my (recently ex?)sponsor and canceled our meeting tomorrow. I said the workbook is too thorough and I'm not sure I can make it through the second step. TLDR; How do people that identify as atheist usually work the 12 steps? Has anyone else used the Big Book Awakening workbook?",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ek8wfm,PTSD / triggering nightmares?,1b,help-seeking,1,Does anyone have any tips on how to cope with traumatic nightmares? They’re so upsetting and really set me back when I’m trying to not think about what happened to me. Starting to give me sleep anxiety.,ASingularFrenchFry,11,0,11,2020-01-05 05:47:48,ptsd,Does anyone have any tips on how to cope with traumatic nightmares? They’re so upsetting and really set me back when I’m trying to not think about what happened to me. Starting to give me sleep anxiety.,1,2,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,your nightmares,,,,,,True,122 ejnwpb,About propranolol,1a,rant,3,"Hi, i have social anxiety and recently i have developed sort of a phobia of going to college. When i am there i feel always anxious and any conversation with classmates or friends, especially girls would trigger a panic attack. And it's worst during a class or when i have to do a presentation. My anxiety is physical, my phobia now got worse and it became the fear of shaking in front of people. I took days off college and went back home and i feel better now. Leaving hometown to university this Sunday and i am very scared it happens again.... I started testing propranolol this week before i go out to .meet friends, i usually get nervous and sometimes my lips start twitching when i am the center of attention or arguing with someone with people around and suddenly all of that went away. I experimented with 10mg and it was good to eliminate the shaking, i have anxiety, and my heart rate is high even when at rest, high 70's sometimes i measure it in bed and could be up to 82bpm at rest... On 10mg, i feel nervous stomach and i still could feel hot under social pressure, if that even made sense, my English is not that well when expressing my self and lack some vocabulary.. 20mg is good, 30mg was perfect, very chill but made me feel slight chest pain in the heart area when i breaty but went away eventually.. after few hours from taking the dose. Still, i am at home with friends and it's my comfort zone, so i don't think 10mg will be enough when i leave my city, away from all my friends and family, and be in college and surrounded by extremely extroverted people every day for 8+ hours... I plan to take 20mg twice a day 5 times a week. One in the morning, and one at noon for my afternoon classes.. These panic attacks are really holding me back, i want to study and have a good career, but my anxiety, plus this new phobia that never been there.. destroyed my confidence, i couldn't study anymore, my last days before i decided to take days off were horrible, i got anxiety attacks even in the street or paying for groceries waiting in line, i spent all day in bed, my heart felt like it would pop out my chest, and my whole body felt numb, something like if a panic attack is about to get triggered.. The point of me posting this, i want your opinions of how safe it is to use propranolol. Google says it's safe, some posts here on Reddit say it's safe, but what made me panic more and be scared to use this daily is some articles saying that it can cause sudden death and heart failure. I am 26 years old by the way. My usual blood pressure is 130 50~60",R3Tr0tt,3,0,10,2020-01-03 23:40:43,socialanxiety,"Hi, i have social anxiety and recently i have developed sort of a phobia of going to college. When i am there i feel always anxious and any conversation with classmates or friends, especially girls would trigger a panic attack. And it's worst during a class or when i have to do a presentation. My anxiety is physical, my phobia now got worse and it became the fear of shaking in front of people. I took days off college and went back home and i feel better now. Leaving hometown to university this Sunday and i am very scared it happens again.... I started testing propranolol this week before i go out to .meet friends, i usually get nervous and sometimes my lips start twitching when i am the center of attention or arguing with someone with people around and suddenly all of that went away. I experimented with 10mg and it was good to eliminate the shaking, i have anxiety, and my heart rate is high even when at rest, high 70's sometimes i measure it in bed and could be up to 82bpm at rest... On 10mg, i feel nervous stomach and i still could feel hot under social pressure, if that even made sense, my English is not that well when expressing my self and lack some vocabulary.. 20mg is good, 30mg was perfect, very chill but made me feel slight chest pain in the heart area when i breaty but went away eventually.. after few hours from taking the dose. Still, i am at home with friends and it's my comfort zone, so i don't think 10mg will be enough when i leave my city, away from all my friends and family, and be in college and surrounded by extremely extroverted people every day for 8+ hours... I plan to take 20mg twice a day 5 times a week. One in the morning, and one at noon for my afternoon classes.. These panic attacks are really holding me back, i want to study and have a good career, but my anxiety, plus this new phobia that never been there.. destroyed my confidence, i couldn't study anymore, my last days before i decided to take days off were horrible, i got anxiety attacks even in the street or paying for groceries waiting in line, i spent all day in bed, my heart felt like it would pop out my chest, and my whole body felt numb, something like if a panic attack is about to get triggered.. The point of me posting this, i want your opinions of how safe it is to use propranolol. Google says it's safe, some posts here on Reddit say it's safe, but what made me panic more and be scared to use this daily is some articles saying that it can cause sudden death and heart failure. I am 26 years old by the way. My usual blood pressure is 130 50~60",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 eiu2by,Does it look like PTSD?,1a,help-seeking,2,"So I’m 17 F, and I think I might have PTSD and will very probably try and consult a therapist about it sooner than later. So, I’ve never liked to drive, I’ve always been scared and stressed about it and thought I wasn’t ever liking the feeling of controlling a deadly weapon. But, I live in a region where there’s only common transportation in the bigger cities and so, my parents still wanted me to have my license. I’ve failed my theorical test to get my driver’s license 2 times before succeeding the third time. I’ve failed 2 times the practical exam and still not practiced for the third try, that I still haven’t scheduled. The thing is that I was involved in a car crash back in September as my father lost control during heavy rain and we hit the rock on the side of the road. Happily, the impact happened on the back of the car and we didn’t have any injuries or felt any impact. But still, if we had hit the rock on the side or front, it would have been way way worse. So, I’ve been terrified of either being in a car, especially when there’s rain/ snow/ slippery road and I panic very easily. And so, I’ve also been terrified of driving. So, dear redditers, I’d like to hear from you, either being your story or an opinion :)",arichou04,1,0,1,2020-01-02 05:38:15,ptsd,"So I’m 17 F, and I think I might have PTSD and will very probably try and consult a therapist about it sooner than later. So, I’ve never liked to drive, I’ve always been scared and stressed about it and thought I wasn’t ever liking the feeling of controlling a deadly weapon. But, I live in a region where there’s only common transportation in the bigger cities and so, my parents still wanted me to have my license. I’ve failed my theorical test to get my driver’s license 2 times before succeeding the third time. I’ve failed 2 times the practical exam and still not practiced for the third try, that I still haven’t scheduled. The thing is that I was involved in a car crash back in September as my father lost control during heavy rain and we hit the rock on the side of the road. Happily, the impact happened on the back of the car and we didn’t have any injuries or felt any impact. But still, if we had hit the rock on the side or front, it would have been way way worse. So, I’ve been terrified of either being in a car, especially when there’s rain/ snow/ slippery road and I panic very easily. And so, I’ve also been terrified of driving. So, dear redditers, I’d like to hear from you, either being your story or an opinion :)",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help deal with your trauma,,True,221 eiksmj,Sad truth,0,chitchat,4,,Eri_the_catgirl,1,0,40,2020-01-01 17:21:36,socialanxiety,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ej0ige,Every time,0,chitchat,5,,i_am_meee,1,0,82,2020-01-02 16:39:35,socialanxiety,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eluduj,To those who suffer PTSD from war and are suffering right now with the tensions between Iran vs US,0,chitchat,2,"I am 19 and I have ptsd. It’s not from war and I know it can’t be as bad as yours. Mine is from domestic violence. I’ve never been through or been part of a war and I hope I never will. I want to commend you on your service and to your fellow brothers who served. Know that it’s okay to feel like this. You aren’t being a burden and you aren’t over reacting. It’s NOT YOUR FAULT. Keep repeating that. I know you didn’t say anything about these topics, but I know it’s how I feel when I have an attack and I want to tell you what I needed to hear. If you need to talk, feel free to message me, any time, any day. I don’t think I could offer very good advice, but I CAN be there just to listen and make sure you have company. You aren’t alone. You are never alone. Remember that. You are brave, you are strong, and you are worth it. I know it’s hard. I can’t imagine how hard because I simply haven’t been in your shoes and while I can try to imagine, I can not replicate those feelings without being there. No one can. You can get through this. Lean on your friends, your family, those you care about or love, and lean on this community. It’s what we are here for. You aren’t alone. You are never alone. We share this burden and we will help you carry it. Anyone who is struggling can feel free to message me, I don’t care what time or day it is. I may not respond right away, but I will respond as soon as possible. Hang in there. Sending virtual comfort your way.",Gamer0921,1,0,2,2020-01-08 15:44:42,ptsd,"I am 19 and I have ptsd. It’s not from war and I know it can’t be as bad as yours. Mine is from domestic violence. I’ve never been through or been part of a war and I hope I never will. I want to commend you on your service and to your fellow brothers who served. Know that it’s okay to feel like this. You aren’t being a burden and you aren’t over reacting. It’s NOT YOUR FAULT. Keep repeating that. I know you didn’t say anything about these topics, but I know it’s how I feel when I have an attack and I want to tell you what I needed to hear. If you need to talk, feel free to message me, any time, any day. I don’t think I could offer very good advice, but I CAN be there just to listen and make sure you have company. You aren’t alone. You are never alone. Remember that. You are brave, you are strong, and you are worth it. I know it’s hard. I can’t imagine how hard because I simply haven’t been in your shoes and while I can try to imagine, I can not replicate those feelings without being there. No one can. You can get through this. Lean on your friends, your family, those you care about or love, and lean on this community. It’s what we are here for. You aren’t alone. You are never alone. We share this burden and we will help you carry it. Anyone who is struggling can feel free to message me, I don’t care what time or day it is. I may not respond right away, but I will respond as soon as possible. Hang in there. Sending virtual comfort your way.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eia0xh,How do you live with yourself when you regret so much?,1a,help-seeking,1,I find myself constantly thinking about the past year and how much of a fool I made out of myself. Doing things that I now deeply regret and feeling like I tore my family apart or at least made them hate me. I don’t want to go into detail but how do I live with the constant guilt of what I did? All I can do is think about the mistakes I made and wish I could go back and change everything. But I know now nothing will ever be the same. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.,ilikeacid123,1,0,3,2019-12-31 22:41:25,depression,I find myself constantly thinking about the past year and how much of a fool I made out of myself. Doing things that I now deeply regret and feeling like I tore my family apart or at least made them hate me. I don’t want to go into detail but how do I live with the constant guilt of what I did? All I can do is think about the mistakes I made and wish I could go back and change everything. But I know now nothing will ever be the same. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.,1,2,1,Can you elaborate more on X ?,the things you regret doing,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you want to correct your mistakes,,True,121 eiqql7,An empty lonely feeling,1b,help-seeking,2,"Hey reddit, I don't know where to post about this. Al anon is mostly for alcoholism type issues, but I just lost someone close to me because of opiate use. He didn't actually die(not yet anyway) but I had to go no contact with him because the way he was acting was destroying my mental health. He was my boyfriend, my best friend, and the person I shared everything with. Now that he is out of my life I feel so empty and lonely. I cried for days, but now I just sit in my room all day blankly staring at nothing. I am so depressed. I don't even have anyone to talk about this with. Part of me just wants to take heroin myself to see what all the fuss is about...so I can find out why he ultimately chose substances over our relationship. I have never felt so unloved in my life. By the time I left him he wasn't even acting like himself anymore. I no longer trust him in any capacity. Even to this day he will defend his usage of pain pills. He has called me abusive, manipulative and controlling for creating this boundary for myself. I don't understand opiate addiction at all, but I grew up with alcoholics and developed a disorganized attachment style due to the confusing way I was treated as a child. I feel so sad right now. My relationship was fine before any of this happened and I have no criticism of him as a person. I feel like addiction stole something precious from me and feel so angry hurt and confused. Can someone who has gone though this type of situation please tell me something to make me feel better? Thanks",Jamika1,1,0,17,2020-01-02 00:57:45,OpiatesRecovery,"Hey reddit, I don't know where to post about this. Al anon is mostly for alcoholism type issues, but I just lost someone close to me because of opiate use. He didn't actually die(not yet anyway) but I had to go no contact with him because the way he was acting was destroying my mental health. He was my boyfriend, my best friend, and the person I shared everything with. Now that he is out of my life I feel so empty and lonely. I cried for days, but now I just sit in my room all day blankly staring at nothing. I am so depressed. I don't even have anyone to talk about this with. Part of me just wants to take heroin myself to see what all the fuss is about...so I can find out why he ultimately chose substances over our relationship. I have never felt so unloved in my life. By the time I left him he wasn't even acting like himself anymore. I no longer trust him in any capacity. Even to this day he will defend his usage of pain pills. He has called me abusive, manipulative and controlling for creating this boundary for myself. I don't understand opiate addiction at all, but I grew up with alcoholics and developed a disorganized attachment style due to the confusing way I was treated as a child. I feel so sad right now. My relationship was fine before any of this happened and I have no criticism of him as a person. I feel like addiction stole something precious from me and feel so angry hurt and confused. Can someone who has gone though this type of situation please tell me something to make me feel better? Thanks",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ejdmr7,I can’t communicate unless I’m f*cked up,1a,help-seeking,1,"Hi y’all just need to get this off my chest. I was diagnosed nearly a year ago and have slowly come to realizations once I’ve tried to figure out the root of my problems. I can’t speak to anyone in a meaningful manner unless I’ve altered my mind state until the point I’m either drunk/high beyond recognition. I’ve gotten better at sharing myself with others once I came to this realization, but I’m curious how other have broken out of this dangerous cycle.",menageonmybday,4,0,7,2020-01-03 10:24:45,BPD,"Hi y’all just need to get this off my chest. I was diagnosed nearly a year ago and have slowly come to realizations once I’ve tried to figure out the root of my problems. I can’t speak to anyone in a meaningful manner unless I’ve altered my mind state until the point I’m either drunk/high beyond recognition. I’ve gotten better at sharing myself with others once I came to this realization, but I’m curious how other have broken out of this dangerous cycle.",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,speaking to people while being sober,,,,True,202 eicfj2,Jan 1st is just like any other day.,0,chitchat,1,"It’s been a tough year for me and even tougher last week going into the new year. Being the end of a decade makes it even worse. But Jan 1st is just like any other day. If you’re not feeling the way you want to or in a position that you wanted to be in by this time, don’t worry. You have many more months ahead of you to better yourself. Don’t be so hard on yourself and self evaluate to the point where you put yourself down. Be easy on yourself. I am sure there’s plenty of things you did that you’re proud of. Just gotta think hard on it and not let the negativity cloud your mind. I hope for a better year for myself and I hope 2020 is a great year for everyone. Stay safe and take care.",torrentialsnow,1,0,2,2020-01-01 02:01:36,depression,"It’s been a tough year for me and even tougher last week going into the new year. Being the end of a decade makes it even worse. But Jan 1st is just like any other day. If you’re not feeling the way you want to or in a position that you wanted to be in by this time, don’t worry. You have many more months ahead of you to better yourself. Don’t be so hard on yourself and self evaluate to the point where you put yourself down. Be easy on yourself. I am sure there’s plenty of things you did that you’re proud of. Just gotta think hard on it and not let the negativity cloud your mind. I hope for a better year for myself and I hope 2020 is a great year for everyone. Stay safe and take care.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 fjzio7,What to do next time I am attacked?,1b,help-seeking,1,"I'm still pissed for something that happened on a server. I post a link, a guy who did not understand an idea I had (I kept explaining him to his request), starts getting angry and attacks me, starts yelling (all caps) and call me names. At one point he says something really terrible, to which my only reply was ""oh my, I had enough, gonna report you"". This is where things start to get worse: some admins DEMAND that I explain myself better, to whom I said ""no, that would be positive reinforcement, he's being aggressive"" once. Soon after, they tell me to stop, soothe the guy, and threaten to ban me. Angry, I ask to be banned and convince them somehow. When I explained part of why I acted like this, I got banned from their subreddit and yet again met with harsh words. What do I do next time, should someone randomly attack me?",95girl,1,0,3,2020-03-17 05:03:33,getting_over_it,"I'm still pissed for something that happened on a server. I post a link, a guy who did not understand an idea I had (I kept explaining him to his request), starts getting angry and attacks me, starts yelling (all caps) and call me names. At one point he says something really terrible, to which my only reply was ""oh my, I had enough, gonna report you"". This is where things start to get worse: some admins DEMAND that I explain myself better, to whom I said ""no, that would be positive reinforcement, he's being aggressive"" once. Soon after, they tell me to stop, soothe the guy, and threaten to ban me. Angry, I ask to be banned and convince them somehow. When I explained part of why I acted like this, I got banned from their subreddit and yet again met with harsh words. What do I do next time, should someone randomly attack me?",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eian9p,Refreshing Read For A Very Dark New Year's,0,chitchat,1,"I don't have anything personal that's positive or uplifting to share with you. Today I feel pretty awful. I'm definitely not in a celebratory mood to say ""*happy* new year!"" However, I did come across a very refreshing article that someone in a similar place I'm in may appreciate... <3 [I am not always very attached to being alive...](https://theoutline.com/post/7267/living-with-passive-suicidal-ideation)",Neufun,1,0,0,2019-12-31 23:31:30,depression,"I don't have anything personal that's positive or uplifting to share with you. Today I feel pretty awful. I'm definitely not in a celebratory mood to say ""*happy* new year!"" However, I did come across a very refreshing article that someone in a similar place I'm in may appreciate... <3 [I am not always very attached to being alive...](https://theoutline.com/post/7267/living-with-passive-suicidal-ideation)",0,1,0,What made you feel X ?,awful,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you felt on new year,What can help you overcome X ?,this awful feeling,,True,010 eihb1y,University rise my anxiety,1a,rant,2,"In my country we have a period to study from 15th December to the 6th January. Then we have exam till February. I hate this period of the year and especially this year is the worst. Missing Christmas, missing new year eve's, refusing all my relatives invitation because I know if I have to go out, I can't study all day long even if it is on the evening I'm doing a master in computer science and the mass of work is just insane! From the start we had a lot of assignments and at the beginning of my exams I'm already tired and I feel burn out. I have an other assignment for 5th January and I can't study and work for it. I know I have to work half it, half other courses but my head is not good at multitasking. If I have to go out in the evenings, I can forget working in the morning. If I have two thing to do, I can forget the other one. I have 8 exams to study and I have studied none of it... I know I have to work all day long but I can't manage to do it. Everytime I think about it, I just want to cry and bury myself. I can't wrap my head around this idea. A whole day in front of my work? How?? I just feel tired. I've tried to lookup on advice online but what I have found don't satisfy me at all. People talk about working from 8am to 11pm. Just reading their schedule made me want to cry. I'm feeling depressed with all this work. I don't know what to do, normies afraid me.",Sousana9617,1,0,0,2020-01-01 11:10:52,ADHD,"In my country we have a period to study from 15th December to the 6th January. Then we have exam till February. I hate this period of the year and especially this year is the worst. Missing Christmas, missing new year eve's, refusing all my relatives invitation because I know if I have to go out, I can't study all day long even if it is on the evening I'm doing a master in computer science and the mass of work is just insane! From the start we had a lot of assignments and at the beginning of my exams I'm already tired and I feel burn out. I have an other assignment for 5th January and I can't study and work for it. I know I have to work half it, half other courses but my head is not good at multitasking. If I have to go out in the evenings, I can forget working in the morning. If I have two thing to do, I can forget the other one. I have 8 exams to study and I have studied none of it... I know I have to work all day long but I can't manage to do it. Everytime I think about it, I just want to cry and bury myself. I can't wrap my head around this idea. A whole day in front of my work? How?? I just feel tired. I've tried to lookup on advice online but what I have found don't satisfy me at all. People talk about working from 8am to 11pm. Just reading their schedule made me want to cry. I'm feeling depressed with all this work. I don't know what to do, normies afraid me.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eojobw,2 weeks clean today,0,chitchat,1,"Still struggling with motivation, anxiety attacks and low mood but I am trying to remind myself things will take time to heal. I think I've realised to aim for peace rather than happiness. I'm reminding myself of the good things about being clean. I am thankful to not need pills before getting out of/into bed. I am thankful to be able to shit normally every day. I am thankful to be over the physical withdrawals. I am thankful to be able to feel a broader set of emotions.",diedro,1,0,17,2020-01-14 10:43:04,OpiatesRecovery,"Still struggling with motivation, anxiety attacks and low mood but I am trying to remind myself things will take time to heal. I think I've realised to aim for peace rather than happiness. I'm reminding myself of the good things about being clean. I am thankful to not need pills before getting out of/into bed. I am thankful to be able to shit normally every day. I am thankful to be over the physical withdrawals. I am thankful to be able to feel a broader set of emotions.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 elzkh7,5 days heroin free cold turkey,0,help-seeking,2,"So I'm.a 10 year Oxy (250mg a day) user who switch to H about a year ago when my doc suddenly retired. (Its impossible to find docs who will prescribe the dosage I need since new FDA guidelines. They're all scared of the DEA and rightly so, but I digress). I've always been a functional user, even when I started H. There would be the occasional sick day here or there when I was out and WD, but nothing I couldn't manage. Recently, there was an issue with my supplier, so it's been 5 days since I've done any. I'm basically over the physical dependency, which was very rough. I'm now just tired all time and can't seem to find any energy, but I seem to be getting better every day. I figure since the roughest part is over, I might as well quit. But how do you guys deal with the cravings? They're almost worse than WD. To top it off, my guy called and is all good. I don't ever want to go through the physical WD again but its tough knowing its just a phone call away. So far, I haven't caved, but just knowing its there its like its calling to me. I guess I can just delete his number, but I haven't had the strength to do that yet, even knowing if I don't I'll probably relapse, which I don't want to do. I know, its a conundrum. I appreciate any feedback or advice. Thanks for reading.",Patrick_C_Loffin,1,0,28,2020-01-08 21:52:23,OpiatesRecovery,"So I'm.a 10 year Oxy (250mg a day) user who switch to H about a year ago when my doc suddenly retired. (Its impossible to find docs who will prescribe the dosage I need since new FDA guidelines. They're all scared of the DEA and rightly so, but I digress). I've always been a functional user, even when I started H. There would be the occasional sick day here or there when I was out and WD, but nothing I couldn't manage. Recently, there was an issue with my supplier, so it's been 5 days since I've done any. I'm basically over the physical dependency, which was very rough. I'm now just tired all time and can't seem to find any energy, but I seem to be getting better every day. I figure since the roughest part is over, I might as well quit. But how do you guys deal with the cravings? They're almost worse than WD. To top it off, my guy called and is all good. I don't ever want to go through the physical WD again but its tough knowing its just a phone call away. So far, I haven't caved, but just knowing its there its like its calling to me. I guess I can just delete his number, but I haven't had the strength to do that yet, even knowing if I don't I'll probably relapse, which I don't want to do. I know, its a conundrum. I appreciate any feedback or advice. Thanks for reading.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eivuok,dae force themselves to watch gore and trigger themselves?,0,rant,1,"I don’t actively seek them out but whenever I see gory/graphic videos pop up I force myself to watch them. I feel weak for cringing away and getting upset aka how I had nightmares of hanging corpses for weeks :) same with triggering content. if I see a tw self-harm or tw eating disorder anywhere you bet I’m gonna click that shit lmfao",elllxvi,1,0,0,2020-01-02 08:54:02,selfharm,I don’t actively seek them out but whenever I see gory/graphic videos pop up I force myself to watch them. I feel weak for cringing away and getting upset aka how I had nightmares of hanging corpses for weeks :) same with triggering content. if I see a tw self-harm or tw eating disorder anywhere you bet I’m gonna click that shit lmfao,1,2,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you force yourself to watch gory videos,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you have nightmares after watching gory videos,,True,120 f0hldg,"We should be lifting each other up, not tearing each other down.",1b,chitchat,1,,PvtRyan963,1,0,11,2020-02-07 21:52:59,Anger,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,thought,True,000 eiaxvw,"I’m sad, exhausted and alone at the end of the worst year of my life, and 2020 is already looking worse.",1c,rant,1,"I’m finding more and more it’s hard to wake up and live every day. It’s all too much. And what’s it all for anyway? Fuck. I’m just so sick of it all. Fuck this year, fuck this life. Fuck being me.",drulenarendes,1,0,1,2019-12-31 23:55:24,depression,"I’m sad, exhausted and alone at the end of the worst year of my life, and 2020 is already looking worse. I’m finding more and more it’s hard to wake up and live every day. It’s all too much. And what’s it all for anyway? Fuck. I’m just so sick of it all. Fuck this year, fuck this life. Fuck being me.",1,2,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why 2019 was the worst year of your life,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel sad and exhausted with life,,True,120 exzq8b,Abuser hurts me when we sleep together. (TW),1b,rant,1,Since moving out I've still continued seeing him and since my last post I saw him again which I feel so stupid for. The last few days he has kept telling me that I'm welcome to move back in which I didn't. Well whenever I see him when we sleep together he purposely hurts me and does things that I've told him many times to not do. He didn't use to do this all the time. it's only since I've moved out. During arguments while living together he choked me so for that reason I'm scared of my head or neck being touched. While sleeping together lately he's started choking me. I've told him beforehand each time to not even touch that area at all and he says he won't and still does it. I'm not sure why as he's not even angry and we aren't fighting when this happens. He hurt my throat really bad the other night so I left quickly in the middle of it. He didn't even apologize. I'm not sure why.,Throwawayox1,1,0,20,2020-02-03 02:20:32,domesticviolence,Since moving out I've still continued seeing him and since my last post I saw him again which I feel so stupid for. The last few days he has kept telling me that I'm welcome to move back in which I didn't. Well whenever I see him when we sleep together he purposely hurts me and does things that I've told him many times to not do. He didn't use to do this all the time. it's only since I've moved out. During arguments while living together he choked me. so for that reason I'm scared of my head or neck being touched. While sleeping together lately he's started choking me. I've told him beforehand each time to not even touch that area at all and he says he won't and still does it. I'm not sure why as he's not even angry and we aren't fighting when this happens. He hurt my throat really bad the other night so I left quickly in the middle of it. He didn't even apologize. I'm not sure why.,2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,your abuser choked you,,True,220 eicelf,Got some cleaning done before the new year,0,chitchat,1,"So I did some cleaning around the house today and yesterday since I had a little downtime. Yesterday I swept the living room (it's a hardwood floor), mopped the bathroom floor, did the dishes, cleaned the kitchen countertops, and started to organize my bedroom. I even found a lightbulb laying around which I used to replace an old one that was burnt out. Today I did laundry, and backed up all my files from my old laptop, which I will organize later. I have a lot more on my list left to go, but that will have to wait until tomorrow. I just wanted to post this to motivate people for the new year!",Dances_with_Bucks,1,0,0,2020-01-01 01:59:17,ADHD,"So I did some cleaning around the house today and yesterday since I had a little downtime. Yesterday I swept the living room (it's a hardwood floor), mopped the bathroom floor, did the dishes, cleaned the kitchen countertops, and started to organize my bedroom. I even found a lightbulb laying around which I used to replace an old one that was burnt out. Today I did laundry, and backed up all my files from my old laptop, which I will organize later. I have a lot more on my list left to go, but that will have to wait until tomorrow. I just wanted to post this to motivate people for the new year!",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eiuuqh,You are so valuable (xpost front page),0,chitchat,2,https://i.imgur.com/xFzMGv5.jpg,Pupisthegreatest,1,0,0,2020-01-02 06:56:38,Anxiety,https://i.imgur.com/xFzMGv5.jpg,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 em8nqz,I was sexually coerced but sometimes feel weird about calling it assault. Anyone else relate?,1b,help-seeking,2,"It was a weird situation. First I said yes to unprotected sex but then changed my mind and said no. I consented to doing other things but then he kept asking again and again to have unprotected sex. I just gave in and said ok. I was exhausted and it was late. I felt pressured to have unprotected sex even though I didn’t want it. By definition, asking again and again even after someone says no counts as sexual assault. But I feel weird saying I was sexually abused. I still talked to this guy after it happened. I felt like shit about it but I still think about him sometimes. He was one of my biggest, most intense crushes to date. He’s so attractive and probably was never told “no” in his life so he thought what he did was okay (even when it wasn’t). I know deep in my heart that he treated me badly and that I deserved to have 100% full control of my body. But I can’t help but think my case sounds more mild compared to other cases. My therapist said even though he gave me the option to say no, he put me in a position where my no wasn’t respected. Even though I said no, he still kept begging and saying “I really want to” again and again. When I tell this incident to other people, a lot of them don’t think it sounds very serious. But the trauma I felt the next day was definitely real and serious. I know some people who have been raped by boyfriends and I don’t feel comfortable sharing this with them because my case still sounds less severe than theirs. I know in my heart that I was assaulted. But there’s always a voice in the back of my head that says “it wasn’t as severe as others” “you could’ve said no more times - he wasn’t the type to physically force you to do something” Anyone relate to this? How do you get these doubts to stop?",cupiddelocke-,1,0,6,2020-01-09 11:58:24,rapecounseling,"It was a weird situation. First I said yes to unprotected sex but then changed my mind and said no. I consented to doing other things but then he kept asking again and again to have unprotected sex. I just gave in and said ok. I was exhausted and it was late. I felt pressured to have unprotected sex even though I didn’t want it. By definition, asking again and again even after someone says no counts as sexual assault. But I feel weird saying I was sexually abused. I still talked to this guy after it happened. I felt like shit about it but I still think about him sometimes. He was one of my biggest, most intense crushes to date. He’s so attractive and probably was never told “no” in his life so he thought what he did was okay (even when it wasn’t). I know deep in my heart that he treated me badly and that I deserved to have 100% full control of my body. But I can’t help but think my case sounds more mild compared to other cases. My therapist said even though he gave me the option to say no, he put me in a position where my no wasn’t respected. Even though I said no, he still kept begging and saying “I really want to” again and again. When I tell this incident to other people, a lot of them don’t think it sounds very serious. But the trauma I felt the next day was definitely real and serious. I know some people who have been raped by boyfriends and I don’t feel comfortable sharing this with them because my case still sounds less severe than theirs. I know in my heart that I was assaulted. But there’s always a voice in the back of my head that says “it wasn’t as severe as others” “you could’ve said no more times - he wasn’t the type to physically force you to do something” Anyone relate to this? How do you get these doubts to stop?",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ejtlqa,My friend’s brother died from cancer. He really liked LOZ so my friend put this song on during his passing. Saddest thing ever.,0,rant,1,,0neMemeyBoy,18,0,2,2020-01-04 07:32:11,sad,My friend’s brother died from cancer. He really liked LOZ so my friend put this song on during his passing. Saddest thing ever. nan,2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel sad about your friend's brother passing away,,True,220 ekn9s5,"Even when something good happens, I'm still not good enough",1a,rant,2,"At the end of August, my tennis coach (I'm a highschool student) asked me to make a Junior Tennis Team. After a lot of asking around, I recruited enough people to make a team. We had a great season; I won all but 1 of my matches. My parents rarely told me they were happy about it. No ""Good job"" or ""I'm proud of you."" They would only say, ""You won because you played bad opponents, not that you were good."" No matter how good I felt, they made me feel like it was nothing. This weekend, our team went to sectionals. I played in the first round and lost pretty terribly. In my mind during the match, I kept beating myself up for every mistake because I felt like I wasn't good enough like my parents kept reminding me. None of my team came to watch my match or cheer me on. The coach didn't give me any pointers like he did to the other players. He shows up when I'm at 0-5 and tells me, ""Your opponent is the best person on this court. Your loss takes away from the hard work and victory of your teammates."" Now that I feel like a burden on the team, I get even more stressed out and lose the game. I get subbed out and don't get to play for the rest of the tournament. The coach gives me the responsibility of supporting my teammates and keeping track of how many games we won. Knowing how hard the silence is to deal with in a stressful tennis match, I pour my heart out into clapping and cheering on my team. My teammates do well and the team ends up winning the championship. When I get in the car with my dad, he tells me he's disappointed in me for not playing in the final. Now my trophy feels worthless and I feel like shit. I'm not a tennis champion. I'm just the loudmouth that tagged along, weighing the team down. My parents have nothing to be proud about. I'm just a disappointment and a failure. I text my friends about it, but I get ignored and no one replies. Now I'm crying in the car and hiding it behind Reddit.",UpvoteBringer,1,0,2,2020-01-06 02:23:26,sad,"At the end of August, my tennis coach (I'm a highschool student) asked me to make a Junior Tennis Team. After a lot of asking around, I recruited enough people to make a team. We had a great season; I won all but 1 of my matches. My parents rarely told me they were happy about it. No ""Good job"" or ""I'm proud of you."" They would only say, ""You won because you played bad opponents, not that you were good."" No matter how good I felt, they made me feel like it was nothing. This weekend, our team went to sectionals. I played in the first round and lost pretty terribly. In my mind during the match, I kept beating myself up for every mistake because I felt like I wasn't good enough like my parents kept reminding me. None of my team came to watch my match or cheer me on. The coach didn't give me any pointers like he did to the other players. He shows up when I'm at 0-5 and tells me, ""Your opponent is the best person on this court. Your loss takes away from the hard work and victory of your teammates."" Now that I feel like a burden on the team, I get even more stressed out and lose the game. I get subbed out and don't get to play for the rest of the tournament. The coach gives me the responsibility of supporting my teammates and keeping track of how many games we won. Knowing how hard the silence is to deal with in a stressful tennis match, I pour my heart out into clapping and cheering on my team. My teammates do well and the team ends up winning the championship. When I get in the car with my dad, he tells me he's disappointed in me for not playing in the final. Now my trophy feels worthless and I feel like shit. I'm not a tennis champion. I'm just the loudmouth that tagged along, weighing the team down. My parents have nothing to be proud about. I'm just a disappointment and a failure. I text my friends about it, but I get ignored and no one replies. Now I'm crying in the car and hiding it behind Reddit.",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel upset that nobody supported you,,True,220 eoba7r,How soon do symptoms of psychosis come back after stopping antipsychotics?,0,help-seeking,1,I stopped my meds and some strange stuff is going on. I am not sure what is going on. How long does it take for symptoms to come back? I only stopped recently.,Nerdiant,1,0,1,2020-01-13 22:09:06,mentalillness,How soon do symptoms of psychosis come back after stopping antipsychotics? I stopped my meds and some strange stuff is going on. I am not sure what is going on. How long does it take for symptoms to come back? I only stopped recently.,1,0,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why did you stop taking your meds,How did X make you feel?,stopping the meds,,,,True,102 eknavi,Mental Illness and Family,0,survey,1,"When suffering with a mental illness, did you feel as if you had strong support systems and healthy relationships with your family ?",Alyssa_Haughian,1,0,1,2020-01-06 02:26:01,mentalillness,"When suffering with a mental illness, did you feel as if you had strong support systems and healthy relationships with your family ?",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 etremm,A referral for counseling from Hell. Long story. Essentially a vent.,1b,help-seeking,3,"I am in The Netherlands. Here, a visit to your GP for a referral is required to go to a therapist. The basis of my request for counseling was that I was raped in marriage repeatedly and even though I’m an ocean away and a two years removed from my abuser, I’m still having a hard time trusting or being touched even casually by men. I had told the receptionist I was having female problems (because it often is a female problem) and she assigned me to the resident in the office. I am a new patient to this practice. If the female resident is able to give me allergy medicine and rash cream and tell me I didn’t need a gynecological referral quite yet that she otherwise could give me, she should be able to legally write a referral. She told me this was her first one to write so she wanted to make sure she did it correctly so she was going to talk to the GP. Surely, given her excellent bedside manner, she didn’t want to traumatize me further with a poorly composed referral. If I could come back maybe tomorrow to pick it up? Fine. I’m all for doctors learning. She calls me to tell me the GP needs to see me. I ask why? She says he needs more information for the referral and as he’s never met me, he insists he needs to do so to make sure I am requesting the correct therapist, blah, blah, I smell bullshit, blah, blah. I ask her what she reported to him and how he needed more information than rape? She’s very sympathetic but he has power over her, too. I called my insurance company to inquire if this was normal. They said no but we’re powerless to help. He has the power over my referrals. I begged the receptionist to get him to see the logic. How it is compounding trauma to make me tell a strange man, who knows I distrust men, intimate details and reminiscent of the power dynamic that traumatized me. And still, no. I promised I was angry... His desk is next to a gynecological examination table. On his shelf sits the DSM-III, last published in 1994 and insidious for making homosexuality a disorder. (DSM-V was published in 2013...) He first gets offended that I won’t shake his hand, even though he’s been informed I’m revolted by even casual touch. Then he asks me, “so you think you were raped?” And then, “why do you think he raped you?” “Was your sex life normal before the rapes?” The best one was when he told a woman scared of men because she sees them as potential rapists that “you know, women get raped all the time!” I was triggered into a panic attack followed by a migraine punctuated by flashbacks. I got my referral. Besides the sexually inappropriate questions, He also lied to me and said he needed to make a diagnosis or insurance wouldn’t cover it. My referral letter has no such diagnosis. I had already asked what specifically needed to be included for my referral and he gets pissy that I’m telling him how to do his job. Logic and protocol says that diagnosis is not what a GP does but rather the specialist. He tells me I’m wrong and I’m in a new country and I have to trust him. When he asks why I chose a male GP, I told him the Dutch law requiring a GP in your post code limited me and for months now I’ve been trying to find anyone. You had an opening and a female resident. He told me that this not true. There are openings everywhere. I guess his usual gaslighting victims are easier prey. I feel abused and traumatized by my doctor. I am in a new country and alone. I have therapy intake next week, thankfully - and the Dutch amongst us will know that this is nothing short of a miracle. As I live in the Netherlands and a few doors down from a coffee shop, so basically I have smoked myself stupid all week long. I’ve had great distracting Reddit conversations but this is the first time I’ve come here. And my seething anger wants me to get this doctor removed. Any Dutchies out there with ideas of how to proceed? I know I can register complaints but I mean activism. He’s not the only doctor with an egotistical God complex that is likely preventing many women from getting the help they deserve. In my case, he didn’t realize I was in the man-hating, ball-crushing stage. Or at least I was that day... maybe today, too. At very least I want to figure out a protocol for this. My doctor is an asshole but some well meaning doctor with zero training in rape trauma might say the wrong thing, too. Rape = Referral. No questions asked. It was already hard enough to say, “I’ve been raped, and I need help.” It also made me think of Virginia Woolf: ““as a woman I have no country. As a woman I want no country. As a woman my country is the whole world.” Doctor JML Dopper, Vlaardingen. Naming and shaming.",Clio-Boeken,1,0,6,2020-01-25 14:29:12,rapecounseling,"I am in The Netherlands. Here, a visit to your GP for a referral is required to go to a therapist. The basis of my request for counseling was that I was raped in marriage repeatedly and even though I’m an ocean away and a two years removed from my abuser, I’m still having a hard time trusting or being touched even casually by men. I had told the receptionist I was having female problems (because it often is a female problem) and she assigned me to the resident in the office. I am a new patient to this practice. If the female resident is able to give me allergy medicine and rash cream and tell me I didn’t need a gynecological referral quite yet that she otherwise could give me, she should be able to legally write a referral. She told me this was her first one to write so she wanted to make sure she did it correctly so she was going to talk to the GP. Surely, given her excellent bedside manner, she didn’t want to traumatize me further with a poorly composed referral. If I could come back maybe tomorrow to pick it up? Fine. I’m all for doctors learning. She calls me to tell me the GP needs to see me. I ask why? She says he needs more information for the referral and as he’s never met me, he insists he needs to do so to make sure I am requesting the correct therapist, blah, blah, I smell bullshit, blah, blah. I ask her what she reported to him and how he needed more information than rape? She’s very sympathetic but he has power over her, too. I called my insurance company to inquire if this was normal. They said no but we’re powerless to help. He has the power over my referrals. I begged the receptionist to get him to see the logic. How it is compounding trauma to make me tell a strange man, who knows I distrust men, intimate details and reminiscent of the power dynamic that traumatized me. And still, no. I promised I was angry... His desk is next to a gynecological examination table. On his shelf sits the DSM-III, last published in 1994 and insidious for making homosexuality a disorder. (DSM-V was published in 2013...) He first gets offended that I won’t shake his hand, even though he’s been informed I’m revolted by even casual touch. Then he asks me, “so you think you were raped?” And then, “why do you think he raped you?” “Was your sex life normal before the rapes?” The best one was when he told a woman scared of men because she sees them as potential rapists that “you know, women get raped all the time!” I was triggered into a panic attack followed by a migraine punctuated by flashbacks. I got my referral. Besides the sexually inappropriate questions, He also lied to me and said he needed to make a diagnosis or insurance wouldn’t cover it. My referral letter has no such diagnosis. I had already asked what specifically needed to be included for my referral and he gets pissy that I’m telling him how to do his job. Logic and protocol says that diagnosis is not what a GP does but rather the specialist. He tells me I’m wrong and I’m in a new country and I have to trust him. When he asks why I chose a male GP, I told him the Dutch law requiring a GP in your post code limited me and for months now I’ve been trying to find anyone. You had an opening and a female resident. He told me that this not true. There are openings everywhere. I guess his usual gaslighting victims are easier prey. I feel abused and traumatized by my doctor. I am in a new country and alone. I have therapy intake next week, thankfully - and the Dutch amongst us will know that this is nothing short of a miracle. As I live in the Netherlands and a few doors down from a coffee shop, so basically I have smoked myself stupid all week long. I’ve had great distracting Reddit conversations but this is the first time I’ve come here. And my seething anger wants me to get this doctor removed. Any Dutchies out there with ideas of how to proceed? I know I can register complaints but I mean activism. He’s not the only doctor with an egotistical God complex that is likely preventing many women from getting the help they deserve. In my case, he didn’t realize I was in the man-hating, ball-crushing stage. Or at least I was that day... maybe today, too. At very least I want to figure out a protocol for this. My doctor is an asshole but some well meaning doctor with zero training in rape trauma might say the wrong thing, too. Rape = Referral. No questions asked. It was already hard enough to say, “I’ve been raped, and I need help.” It also made me think of Virginia Woolf: ““as a woman I have no country. As a woman I want no country. As a woman my country is the whole world.” Doctor JML Dopper, Vlaardingen. Naming and shaming.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eriip1,Helping an acquaintance escape,0,help-seeking,1,"A former employer called me today, asking if I couldn’t remember any stories of his wife acting “crazy“. It was a small business that he ran out of his house, so I spent a lot of time with his wife and his kids in the general area, and interacted with them sometimes. He said they were getting divorced, and he wanted to build a case that she had some kind of undiagnosed mental illness. This felt off to me, from the short time that I had known and worked with them, so I reached out to her separately. She sent me back photos and videos documenting a pattern of ongoing abuse that were frankly horrifying. So my basic question is: now what? Obviously I don’t know the whole situation so I want to follow her lead and not make any decisions without her, but if there are shelters, legal aid groups, or other organizations that could help i’d like to at least have names and phone numbers to give her. What are the options on the table? She was born in England, Moved here for him, not sure if she got her citizenship here or not",Squirrelous,1,0,11,2020-01-20 19:50:20,domesticviolence,"A former employer called me today, asking if I couldn’t remember any stories of his wife acting “crazy“. It was a small business that he ran out of his house, so I spent a lot of time with his wife and his kids in the general area, and interacted with them sometimes. He said they were getting divorced, and he wanted to build a case that she had some kind of undiagnosed mental illness. This felt off to me, from the short time that I had known and worked with them, so I reached out to her separately. She sent me back photos and videos documenting a pattern of ongoing abuse that were frankly horrifying. So my basic question is: now what? Obviously I don’t know the whole situation so I want to follow her lead and not make any decisions without her, but if there are shelters, legal aid groups, or other organizations that could help i’d like to at least have names and phone numbers to give her. What are the options on the table? She was born in England, Moved here for him, not sure if she got her citizenship here or not",2,1,2,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how did you feel about your employer's request,,,,True,212 eolo5m,....,1b,rant,1,"Hey everyone, I'm new to the group. 8 days sober today, hubby can't quit drinking tho. He said I had a problem with alcohol yet he can't stop. Alcohol has been a problem for us both. I think it's time to reevaluate us staying together. It's not right to call ur spouse out on their demon n still do it urself n act like an angel when ur just as bad. It's got me feeling some kinda way. I've let him control me, break me down emotionally, n mentally. I'm trying to put myself back together, and if he can't give it up then I'll need to take our son and walk away from the marriage. It's gut wrenching n truly heartbreaking when u are really shown the truth of how little ur spouse prioritizes u, if at all",Dollfayce82,1,0,5,2020-01-14 14:04:17,alcoholicsanonymous,"Hey everyone, I'm new to the group. 8 days sober today, hubby can't quit drinking tho. He said I had a problem with alcohol yet he can't stop. Alcohol has been a problem for us both. I think it's time to reevaluate us staying together. It's not right to call ur spouse out on their demon n still do it urself n act like an angel when ur just as bad. It's got me feeling some kinda way. I've let him control me, break me down emotionally, n mentally. I'm trying to put myself back together, and if he can't give it up then I'll need to take our son and walk away from the marriage. It's gut wrenching n truly heartbreaking when u are really shown the truth of how little ur spouse prioritizes u, if at all",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,your husband broke you emotionally and mentally,,True,220 eiqphc,Is a successful relationship possible?,1b,rant,1,"I was dumped July 2019. In November 2019, I found out he was back with his ex, and most likely cheating on me with her while we were together. My world has been turned upside down. I didn’t get any closure, and this is the first relationship that has ended where I haven’t made any desperate pleas or acted irrationally. I’ve just been sitting with it (even though i had to be hospitalized after finding out—couldn’t emotionally handle it). What I’m scared of is not being able to find someone who will love me and be able to work with me and my BPD symptoms. I’m terrified of it. I have always been left—never the one to initiate a breakup, even if the red flags are violently waving in my face. I only feel validated when I’m with someone, but feel completely worthless in everyone’s eyes due to one person’s opinion. Thank you for reading. I know this was scattered, but I’m in a bad place and still can’t make sense of things.",nlsimon,1,0,6,2020-01-02 00:55:10,BPD,"Is a successful relationship possible? I was dumped July 2019. In November 2019, I found out he was back with his ex, and most likely cheating on me with her while we were together. My world has been turned upside down. I didn’t get any closure, and this is the first relationship that has ended where I haven’t made any desperate pleas or acted irrationally. I’ve just been sitting with it (even though i had to be hospitalized after finding out—couldn’t emotionally handle it). What I’m scared of is not being able to find someone who will love me and be able to work with me and my BPD symptoms. I’m terrified of it. I have always been left—never the one to initiate a breakup, even if the red flags are violently waving in my face. I only feel validated when I’m with someone, but feel completely worthless in everyone’s eyes due to one person’s opinion. Thank you for reading. I know this was scattered, but I’m in a bad place and still can’t make sense of things.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ei8aey,new years eve; 3 times loneliness record,1a,rant,1,"i said i wanted to be alone for new years, but instead i've a stomach ache and deep deep depression thought again. like to the point i want to drink myself to sleep, selfharm and just do shit ton of stupid things. i can't talk to anyone really about the pangs of suicidal thoughts that has been prevalent the last few days. i'm usually really good with being alone, even prefer it, but now??? i can't stop thinking about not wanting to be alone, even if it was with just one friend, sitting in the living room and drinking quietly. fuck ...",dietcokeangel,1,0,5,2019-12-31 20:23:00,BPD,"i said i wanted to be alone for new years, but instead i've a stomach ache and deep deep depression thought again. like to the point i want to drink myself to sleep, selfharm and just do shit ton of stupid things. i can't talk to anyone really about the pangs of suicidal thoughts that has been prevalent the last few days. i'm usually really good with being alone, even prefer it, but now??? i can't stop thinking about not wanting to be alone, even if it was with just one friend, sitting in the living room and drinking quietly. fuck ...",2,0,0,,,How did X make you feel?,how the suicidal thoughts,What do you need help with now that X?,you are having suicidal thoughts,,True,200 ejmfgv,I don’t know what’s wrong with me anymore,1a,rant,1," Let start with I’m 14 (M) diagnosed with ptsd child hood bipolar disorder tourettes neurological movement disorder and extreme anxiety and depression and in therapy I self harm small but is noticeable and don’t know what is right and wrong I don’t know what my emotions are I’m just there spiratic and have some violent thoughts and are starting to break mentally I’m yelling at people more and want to murder my grandparents and might because they stole 260,000 dollars from my family after my dad died when I was 5 and stalked us and attempted to use dcfs as a way to as well as molesting my sisters I know where they live and I know there still out there that’s all I hear in my head now is just arguing and yelling and anger that’s it I just wear a mask and pretend and no one will listen no one",xboxlordz,1,0,2,2020-01-03 21:53:27,selfhelp,"Let start with I’m 14 (M) diagnosed with ptsd child hood bipolar disorder tourettes neurological movement disorder and extreme anxiety and depression and in therapy I self harm small but is noticeable and don’t know what is right and wrong. I don’t know what my emotions are I’m just there spiratic and have some violent thoughts and are starting to break mentally I’m yelling at people more. I want to murder my grandparents and might because they stole 260,000 dollars from my family after my dad died when I was 5 and stalked us and attempted to use dcfs as a way to as well as molesting my sisters. I know where they live and I know there still out there that’s all I hear in my head now is just arguing and yelling and anger that’s it I just wear a mask and pretend and no one will listen no one.",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are battling so many conditions and having violent thoughts,,True,220 ezc977,A letter to my rapist,1b,rant,2,"**if this isn’t allowed or goes against any rules please delete it** You raped me when I was 14. Except, it didn’t feel like rape. Not at all. One of my biggest regrets of that night is not being good for you. Why do I want to be good for you? You raped me. Except it didn’t feel like rape. My mind was in conflict with itself. Part of me was like ‘hey, you’re losing your virginity. This is good experience’. And the other part of me was saying ‘wrong. This is wrong. You gotta stop this. It’s illegal and wrong’. Unfortunately, my morals won that night. But not completely because I kissed you back as you were making me promise not to tell anyone. I broke that promise. I feel so guilty for breaking that promise. You didn’t rape me. It didn’t feel like rape. It felt like sex. But not good sex because I was scared. Not of you, just of sex in general because I was 14 and it was my first time. It’s okay because you talked me through it. You were nice like that. And that’s what fucked with me the most. You were so patient, so gentle with me. You even ate me out. It felt great. And after everything, when I finally said ‘stop’, you stopped. For that reason, I don’t feel like I was raped. I wish I was raped. Maybe it would have been easier. Maybe I could hate you like everyone else hates their rapist. Maybe I wouldn’t be writing this letter. Maybe I wouldn’t be defending you every time someone tells me you’re a bad person. You could have hurt me. You could have played out your fantasies perfectly. But you didn’t. And that’s why I don’t believe you’re a bad person. I felt so guilty putting you in prison because even though you have sick, twisted fantasies, you never actually hurt anyone. Except me. You didn’t hurt me. Maybe you never would have hurt anybody. But now we’ll never know. People always tell me “He hurt you, that’s enough”, but he didn’t hurt me. I don’t feel hurt. “He has a journal filled with horrible fantasies!”. Okay? It’s good he has a journal. That means he’s expressing himself in a healthy way. Having fantasies doesn’t make someone a bad person. I have fantasies. Everyone has probably fantasized about something bad sometime in their life. I fantasize about meeting you again, and telling you all of this in person. But you’re in prison for life. Because of me. And there’s no way I’m spilling all of this in a recorded room. So this letter will have to do. I fantasize about you breaking out of prison and coming to see me. I don’t know why you came to see me. I hoped it was to see me. I wanted to go with you. I don’t know why I want to go with you. I don’t know why I want to be good for you. I fantasize about us living together. I ask “Am I too old for you now?” and hope the answer is no. Why do I want to be with you? Maybe to ease my guilty conscience. Maybe this is a weird version of stockholm syndrome. Maybe because we’re the same. You were my favourite uncle. And surprisingly, you still are. (Don’t tell your brother I said that). We had a connection. When your mom would tell me stories about you as a child, I could really relate to everything she said. Am I going to turn out like you? That’s one of my biggest fears. I want to talk to you. I’ve wanted to talk to you for 10 years, ever since I put you away. What would I say? “I’m sorry for sending you to prison, how are you doing? I hope you didn’t get raped for being a child molester”. Oh god. What if he got raped? I don’t want him to get raped. I wish I was raped. Uncle? Do you think about me as much as I think about you? Probably not. To you, I was probably just a risky fuck. But to me, you’re my world. I think about you almost every night. Uncle...? Why didn’t you rape me? I wish you would have raped me. Please no negative comments. I know saying ‘I wish I was raped’ is a loaded statement. I was raped. I was 14, he was in his late 30s. He is my uncle. It was rape. But it doesn’t feel like rape. Lots of rape victims tell me I was lucky or I had it easy because he didn’t hurt me but the emotional turmoil doesn’t feel easy. It wasn’t easy 10 years ago and it’s not easy now.",Youre_Grounded,1,0,7,2020-02-05 16:40:09,rapecounseling,"**if this isn’t allowed or goes against any rules please delete it** You raped me when I was 14. Except, it didn’t feel like rape. Not at all. One of my biggest regrets of that night is not being good for you. Why do I want to be good for you? You raped me. Except it didn’t feel like rape. My mind was in conflict with itself. Part of me was like ‘hey, you’re losing your virginity. This is good experience’. And the other part of me was saying ‘wrong. This is wrong. You gotta stop this. It’s illegal and wrong’. Unfortunately, my morals won that night. But not completely because I kissed you back as you were making me promise not to tell anyone. I broke that promise. I feel so guilty for breaking that promise. You didn’t rape me. It didn’t feel like rape. It felt like sex. But not good sex because I was scared. Not of you, just of sex in general because I was 14 and it was my first time. It’s okay because you talked me through it. You were nice like that. And that’s what fucked with me the most. You were so patient, so gentle with me. You even ate me out. It felt great. And after everything, when I finally said ‘stop’, you stopped. For that reason, I don’t feel like I was raped. I wish I was raped. Maybe it would have been easier. Maybe I could hate you like everyone else hates their rapist. Maybe I wouldn’t be writing this letter. Maybe I wouldn’t be defending you every time someone tells me you’re a bad person. You could have hurt me. You could have played out your fantasies perfectly. But you didn’t. And that’s why I don’t believe you’re a bad person. I felt so guilty putting you in prison because even though you have sick, twisted fantasies, you never actually hurt anyone. Except me. You didn’t hurt me. Maybe you never would have hurt anybody. But now we’ll never know. People always tell me “He hurt you, that’s enough”, but he didn’t hurt me. I don’t feel hurt. “He has a journal filled with horrible fantasies!”. Okay? It’s good he has a journal. That means he’s expressing himself in a healthy way. Having fantasies doesn’t make someone a bad person. I have fantasies. Everyone has probably fantasized about something bad sometime in their life. I fantasize about meeting you again, and telling you all of this in person. But you’re in prison for life. Because of me. And there’s no way I’m spilling all of this in a recorded room. So this letter will have to do. I fantasize about you breaking out of prison and coming to see me. I don’t know why you came to see me. I hoped it was to see me. I wanted to go with you. I don’t know why I want to go with you. I don’t know why I want to be good for you. I fantasize about us living together. I ask “Am I too old for you now?” and hope the answer is no. Why do I want to be with you? Maybe to ease my guilty conscience. Maybe this is a weird version of stockholm syndrome. Maybe because we’re the same. You were my favourite uncle. And surprisingly, you still are. (Don’t tell your brother I said that). We had a connection. When your mom would tell me stories about you as a child, I could really relate to everything she said. Am I going to turn out like you? That’s one of my biggest fears. I want to talk to you. I’ve wanted to talk to you for 10 years, ever since I put you away. What would I say? “I’m sorry for sending you to prison, how are you doing? I hope you didn’t get raped for being a child molester”. Oh god. What if he got raped? I don’t want him to get raped. I wish I was raped. Uncle? Do you think about me as much as I think about you? Probably not. To you, I was probably just a risky fuck. But to me, you’re my world. I think about you almost every night. Uncle...? Why didn’t you rape me? I wish you would have raped me. Please no negative comments. I know saying ‘I wish I was raped’ is a loaded statement. I was raped. I was 14, he was in his late 30s. He is my uncle. It was rape. But it doesn’t feel like rape. Lots of rape victims tell me I was lucky or I had it easy because he didn’t hurt me but the emotional turmoil doesn’t feel easy. It wasn’t easy 10 years ago and it’s not easy now.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 eo9d7g,Zoloft withdrawal,1a,survey,1,"Has anyone ever experienced this? How do you cope? I *seriously* regret ever getting on this to begin with 🙄",Smurkio,1,0,3,2020-01-13 20:01:21,mentalillness,Has anyone ever experienced this? How do you cope? I *seriously* regret ever getting on this to begin with 🙄,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eibbwq,we made it to 2020 my dudes,0,chitchat,1,"well done to all of you for making it, I'm proud <3",puppypopcornpizza,1,0,12,2020-01-01 00:26:11,depression,"well done to all of you for making it, I'm proud <3",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 ei8q77,I wish I had a rational person to talk to,1b,rant,3,"My mother is borderline insane, she probably has a serious personality disorder. Her behavior and delusions keep me financially and emotionally trapped with her. She won't accept obvious realities even as proven by numbers, ie the profitability of a her business, the actual amount of taxes paid etc. She will get explosively angry and unbearably aggressive if she's requested to face a fact she's uncomfortable with. My father is an alcoholic and he's also a bad listener but not nearly as bad as she is. He will listen sometimes, although we don't talk that often. And at least he's rational. Despite all his flaws I'm glad he was part of my life during my childhood because he would often at least validate logical observations I made and reinforce believing in reality and stop my mothers perturbation of facts to suit her wishes. This is getting too long and derailing. More to the point: I'm financially and emotionally stuck with my mother. She has a personality disorder, and if I want to keep living with her/stay clear of emotional and physical blackmail (as in:threatened to be kicked out before saving up money, suddenly requiring any of my savings as debt to her, constantly harassed to run errands, do housework, cancel up job interviews to serve her etc) I have to remain this subservient being, denying my perception of things, never speaking up about observations, and generally being a yes man, smiling when she wants me to smile etc. It's just fucking pathetic, and I'm mostly typing this out to force my self to really process it. Things really are this way. I'm doing this, and doing this out of fear for my life. I'm doing this consciously and, given decades of conditioning, I often do is subconsciously as well. I've been programmed to be a moron and unfortunately in the past 5 years my depression and isolation from the world made me a lot more susceptible to her brainwashing. Here's a more concrete example: Yesterday she hinted I should retake the national exams and enter medical school and become a doctor. Sounds hopeful and positive right? Except I'm 26, not 17, I have clearly stated many times before that I hate medicine, I was always an average student in terms of grades, and 2 years ago I dropped out of a STEM program I also hated with passion; the program she forced me into when I was 18 and didn't let me drop out of. She literally didn't allow me to return home though she knew I was extremely depressed and socially withdrawn and too poor buy new clothes (looked like a hobo) or decent food. She insists to this day that sending me to study something I despise in a town I (or she) could not afford and ignoring my objections for years was all my fault because I was too lazy to push through. Anyway, this is where this rant ends. I hope you have a happy new year and I hope this new year miraculously fixes my life as well. Cheers.",stupid-suggestion,1,0,5,2019-12-31 20:57:09,depression,"My mother is borderline insane, she probably has a serious personality disorder. Her behavior and delusions keep me financially and emotionally trapped with her. She won't accept obvious realities even as proven by numbers, ie the profitability of a her business, the actual amount of taxes paid etc. She will get explosively angry and unbearably aggressive if she's requested to face a fact she's uncomfortable with. My father is an alcoholic and he's also a bad listener but not nearly as bad as she is. He will listen sometimes, although we don't talk that often. And at least he's rational. Despite all his flaws I'm glad he was part of my life during my childhood because he would often at least validate logical observations I made and reinforce believing in reality and stop my mothers perturbation of facts to suit her wishes. This is getting too long and derailing. More to the point: I'm financially and emotionally stuck with my mother. She has a personality disorder, and if I want to keep living with her/stay clear of emotional and physical blackmail (as in:threatened to be kicked out before saving up money, suddenly requiring any of my savings as debt to her, constantly harassed to run errands, do housework, cancel up job interviews to serve her etc) I have to remain this subservient being, denying my perception of things, never speaking up about observations, and generally being a yes man, smiling when she wants me to smile etc. It's just fucking pathetic, and I'm mostly typing this out to force my self to really process it. Things really are this way. I'm doing this, and doing this out of fear for my life. I'm doing this consciously and, given decades of conditioning, I often do is subconsciously as well. I've been programmed to be a moron and unfortunately in the past 5 years my depression and isolation from the world made me a lot more susceptible to her brainwashing. Here's a more concrete example: Yesterday she hinted I should retake the national exams and enter medical school and become a doctor. Sounds hopeful and positive right? Except I'm 26, not 17, I have clearly stated many times before that I hate medicine, I was always an average student in terms of grades, and 2 years ago I dropped out of a STEM program I also hated with passion; the program she forced me into when I was 18 and didn't let me drop out of. She literally didn't allow me to return home though she knew I was extremely depressed and socially withdrawn and too poor buy new clothes (looked like a hobo) or decent food. She insists to this day that sending me to study something I despise in a town I (or she) could not afford and ignoring my objections for years was all my fault because I was too lazy to push through. Anyway, this is where this rant ends. I hope you have a happy new year and I hope this new year miraculously fixes my life as well. Cheers.",2,1,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,feel about your mother's personality disorder,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel trapped with your mother,,True,210 eiffnl,How I found my secret drug of choice (disputable),0,rant,2,"I can’t picture life without ever having a beer on Canada day again. I can’t picture it without getting baked a little and watching rick and Morty. I can picture it without cocaine: and fuck it would be HEAVEN vs what it is now. I don’t crave it. I’m not in withdrawal. I hate it. But once a girl from my past gets calling or a lavish party gets into gear, the lights turn on and it’s all I ever wanted. More than the thought of heaven itself. Well in thecontext of sex at least. I’m a love, sex coke addicted piece of shit and love you all. Happy New Years",xxCaptainCoolxx,1,0,1,2020-01-01 07:03:12,addiction,"I can’t picture life without ever having a beer on Canada day again. I can’t picture it without getting baked a little and watching rick and Morty. I can picture it without cocaine: and fuck it would be HEAVEN vs what it is now. I don’t crave it. I’m not in withdrawal. I hate it. But once a girl from my past gets calling or a lavish party gets into gear, the lights turn on and it’s all I ever wanted. More than the thought of heaven itself. Well in thecontext of sex at least. I’m a love, sex coke addicted piece of shit and love you all. Happy New Years",2,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,drinking beer,What do you need help with now that X?,you are addicted to beer,,True,200 elvxz4,Talking with yourself and using positive words in the talking by doing so the stress gets very strained and it can be done at least once a day for better mental health.,0,chitchat,1,,yadavneuropsychiatry,1,0,0,2020-01-08 17:38:29,mentalillness,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,thought,True,000 enx434,Bloom,0,chitchat,5,,abbsrett,1,0,0,2020-01-13 01:37:26,selfhelp,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 ep31ct,3 days clean on the forth,0,help-seeking,1,"I have very mild withdrawal symptoms left just exhausted and haven’t been able to sleep from couple months usage by snorting, if I dose now just once to sleep will I go back into full blown withdrawal?",Ill-Plenty,1,0,28,2020-01-15 14:33:28,OpiatesRecovery,3 days clean on the forth I have very mild withdrawal symptoms left. just exhausted and haven’t been able to sleep from couple months usage by snorting. if I dose now just once to sleep will I go back into full blown withdrawal?,1,2,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what you are clean from,,,,,,True,122 eqck83,I need some advice...,0,help-seeking,1,"My mom is a recovering alcoholic and has been through rehab a couple of times within the past few years. She has been sober for over a year. Due to nerve damage, she has her medical marijuana card. Recently she has been exhibiting behavior akin to before her sobriety. My step dad and I have excused it on her being too high. However, tonight I found a stash of bottles in the garage. Its a precarious situation and I am not sure who I should turn to. Any ideas?",alloylmao,1,0,6,2020-01-18 05:44:04,alcoholicsanonymous,"My mom is a recovering alcoholic and has been through rehab a couple of times within the past few years. She has been sober for over a year. Due to nerve damage, she has her medical marijuana card. Recently she has been exhibiting behavior akin to before her sobriety. My step dad and I have excused it on her being too high. However, tonight I found a stash of bottles in the garage. Its a precarious situation and I am not sure who I should turn to. Any ideas?",2,0,1,,,How did X make you feel?,your mom drinking again,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help your mother stay sober,,True,201 ei7446,NYE THREAD!,0,chitchat,1,If you're lonely or feeling alone on NYE this year please comment. I'd love to have a place to talk and feel uplifted when this is a tough time for so many of us.,bam8595,1,0,3,2019-12-31 18:56:27,depression,If you're lonely or feeling alone on NYE this year please comment. I'd love to have a place to talk and feel uplifted when this is a tough time for so many of us.,0,1,2,What made you feel X ?,lonely,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you feel alone,,,,True,012 es0q0e,"How To Boost Your Self-Esteem and Heal Your Mind, Body, and Soul.",0,chitchat,1,,drc2602,1,0,0,2020-01-21 20:43:50,selfhelp,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 esrxr0,Detective says she wants to arrest him,1b,chitchat,1,"It's been 4.5 years. This is Sydney, Australia. Thankfully she is really empathetic and makes this process easier than I thought She says there's enough evidence to charge him. Because it was my boss. With all the people I've told, the other boss who I told 2 years ago, doctor and psychologist records, the fact he recently tried to make a move on another girl (also from his staff) and because his lips touched hers it's also assault. And she's a witness. I still don't know what he could say when they interview him. But this feels good at least. Work are also ""investigating"" with their own lawyer, and she said some super victim blamey things to me. So I'm so happy I got a detective who knows how to handle it.",anonymous_monkey2,1,0,5,2020-01-23 11:42:13,rapecounseling,"It's been 4.5 years. This is Sydney, Australia. Thankfully she is really empathetic and makes this process easier than I thought She says there's enough evidence to charge him. Because it was my boss. With all the people I've told, the other boss who I told 2 years ago, doctor and psychologist records, the fact he recently tried to make a move on another girl (also from his staff) and because his lips touched hers it's also assault. And she's a witness. I still don't know what he could say when they interview him. But this feels good at least. Work are also ""investigating"" with their own lawyer, and she said some super victim blamey things to me. So I'm so happy I got a detective who knows how to handle it.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 fgapnw,getting nowhere in life,1a,rant,1,"I know bc im still in college the typical response should be that this is normal etc but I just feel so helpless. I spent my first two years wasting time drinking and doing stuff I didn't even want to impress people I didn't even like. I messed up my grades and didn't focus on the right things. I couldn't keep up with it anymore and cut contact, leaving me completely alone. I want to change my life, so badly, but it feels way too late. I suck at studying, I can't focus on anything. all I want is some real friends, a hobby, a sense of purpose, some direction in terms of my career, a sense of belonging. but any time I try, I just get sucked into that vortex of loneliness/emptiness/meaninglessness, leaving me numb and even more exhausted. it would help to say that I have depression. but it feels like the depression is a direct cause of me not being able to live the life I want. im desperate for some kind of structure, some kind of meaning, anything.",throwaway3248203,1,0,2,2020-03-10 08:39:42,getting_over_it,"getting nowhere in life I know bc im still in college the typical response should be that this is normal etc but I just feel so helpless. I messed up my grades and didn't focus on the right things. I couldn't keep up with it anymore and cut contact, leaving me completely alone. I want to change my life, so badly, but it feels way too late. I suck at studying, I can't focus on anything. all I want is some real friends, a hobby, a sense of purpose, some direction in terms of my career, a sense of belonging. but any time I try, I just get sucked into that vortex of loneliness/emptiness/meaninglessness, leaving me numb and even more exhausted. it would help to say that I have depression. but it feels like the depression is a direct cause of me not being able to live the life I want. im desperate for some kind of structure, some kind of meaning, anything.",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what kind of structure you want,,True,221 eur7q6,I hate myself..,1a,rant,1,"I hadn't been sad in a long while. Lately I've been focusing on how I can try to get my life together career wide. Going back to school, finding a new job, making sure my mom and I can survive together. We hang out together, and recently met up with her coworker and friend and we hung out. Took pictures and all (all the pics I didn't even see). I hadn't been in a depression.. Until my mom sent me the photos of from that day... I hadn't realized how fucking ugly I was. The reason why I never look at myself ever... I know why people don't want me, how I'm easily forgotten, why people use me and then leave me. I'm so fat and ugly, there's no point in trying to lose weight of I'm still a fucking ugly piece of shit with no life. There's no point in living myself if I'm so fucking disgusting looking. I hate my face I hate my body I hate my existence I hate me....",littlenerd916,1,0,29,2020-01-27 17:36:10,selfhelp,"I hadn't been sad in a long while. Lately I've been focusing on how I can try to get my life together career wide. Going back to school, finding a new job, making sure my mom and I can survive together. We hang out together, and recently met up with her coworker and friend and we hung out. Took pictures and all (all the pics I didn't even see). I hadn't been in a depression.. Until my mom sent me the photos of from that day... I hadn't realized how fucking ugly I was. The reason why I never look at myself ever... I know why people don't want me, how I'm easily forgotten, why people use me and then leave me. I'm so fat and ugly, there's no point in trying to lose weight of I'm still a fucking ugly piece of shit with no life. There's no point in living myself if I'm so fucking disgusting looking. I hate my face I hate my body I hate my existence I hate me....",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are unable to accept your own body,,True,220 eowdgq,I'm a mess right now and it's the milk's fault.,1a,rant,1,"I've been struggling with self harm for about 3 or 4 years, and eating disorder stuff for about 6 months. I've been in a constant cycle of being clean for a week or 2 then relapsing. This week my bulimia and cutting decided to come back. I've been having a hard time making myself throw up so I've just been chugging a bunch of milk after I binge eat. After I throw up I usually cut. I've recently started carving words into my legs like ""ugly"" and ""problem"" and some other stuff. So now I can't stop thinking about milk and I just had a really bad breakdown and hallucinated milk. My hallucinating were pretty bad a few weeks ago when I almost killed myself, I thought I was getting better but I'm a big mess this week. All I can think about is milk. I'm pretty sure I'm scared of milk, this morning when I woke up and got some water from my fridge I almost cried when I saw the milk carton. I'm obsessed with M I L K. I keep hearing the voices and now they are just talking about milk!",Im-In-Your-Stairs,1,0,0,2020-01-15 03:04:16,mentalillness,"I've been struggling with self harm for about 3 or 4 years, and eating disorder stuff for about 6 months. I've been in a constant cycle of being clean for a week or 2 then relapsing. This week my bulimia and cutting decided to come back. I've been having a hard time making myself throw up so I've just been chugging a bunch of milk after I binge eat. After I throw up I usually cut. I've recently started carving words into my legs like ""ugly"" and ""problem"" and some other stuff. So now I can't stop thinking about milk and I just had a really bad breakdown and hallucinated milk. My hallucinating were pretty bad a few weeks ago when I almost killed myself, I thought I was getting better but I'm a big mess this week. All I can think about is milk. I'm pretty sure I'm scared of milk, this morning when I woke up and got some water from my fridge I almost cried when I saw the milk carton. I'm obsessed with M I L K. I keep hearing the voices and now they are just talking about milk!",2,1,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how the hallucinations make you feel,What do you need help with now that X?,the hallucinations about milk are unbearable,,True,210 eio811,I haven't self harmed,1a,help-seeking,1,"I haven't self harmed in a while, I can't recall how long. Probably 7/8M-1YR. But I'm having really bad urges. My mind keeps saying when my husband goes to work tomorrow I'll do it, but I dont want to. I really don't want to, but my mind keeps saying, ""do it, you'll feel better."" How do you get rid of the urges, fight against them and not do it? :(",AmberConsoso,1,0,1,2020-01-01 21:39:10,selfharm,"I haven't self harmed in a while, I can't recall how long. Probably 7/8M-1YR. But I'm having really bad urges. My mind keeps saying when my husband goes to work tomorrow I'll do it, but I dont want to. I really don't want to, but my mind keeps saying, ""do it, you'll feel better."" How do you get rid of the urges, fight against them and not do it? :(",1,0,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you self harm,How did X make you feel?,the urge to self harm,,,,True,102 ekgrhs,I'm never enough,1a,rant,2,,adamslife98,1,0,35,2020-01-05 18:21:52,sad,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 elmgf4,Miss you so bad,0,rant,1,I can't do it I miss you. I remember seeing your eyes every day and just being encapsulated in them. I can't do it... you're gone...,yellowmajorboi,1,0,0,2020-01-08 02:53:30,sad,I can't do it I miss you. I remember seeing your eyes every day and just being encapsulated in them. I can't do it... you're gone...,0,2,0,What made you feel X ?,you miss her,,,What can help you overcome X ?,the breakup,,True,020 eic2u3,Well abandoned again,1b,rant,1,Well I was supposed to go out and have fun for new years eve but all my so called friends have abandon me. I read all these post from people who are you young talking about feeling lonely but try being a 33 year old who can't make a real friend or find a real relationship. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother being here. Oh well time to ring in the new year alone again. Happy New Year to all the rest of you with lives and love ones.,vallour2,1,0,2,2020-01-01 01:29:14,depression,Well I was supposed to go out and have fun for new years eve but all my so called friends have abandon me. I read all these post from people who are you young talking about feeling lonely but try being a 33 year old who can't make a real friend or find a real relationship. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother being here. Oh well time to ring in the new year alone again. Happy New Year to all the rest of you with lives and love ones.,1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why your friends abandoned you,How did X make you feel?,being left out,What do you need help with now that X?,your are spending new year alone,,True,100 eiayt7,I need serious help please,1b,help-seeking,1,"I’ve had depression for a while now and now I’m thinking of committing suicide because of my father is treating me. He’s always called me a piece of shit because he’s a huge prick to me and now he’s saying he’s spent 15 years of his life embarrassed by me and now he’s saying he doesn’t care about what happens to me so I told him then I’ll commit suicide and see what happens next and he said, “good then I’m free from hell” my mother is upset with the fact this happened but now I’m in a deep depression and thinking of killing myself please any help will save a life🙏",151406,1,0,20,2019-12-31 23:57:26,depression,"I’ve had depression for a while now and now I’m thinking of committing suicide because of my father is treating me. He’s always called me a piece of shit because he’s a huge prick to me and now he’s saying he’s spent 15 years of his life embarrassed by me and now he’s saying he doesn’t care about what happens to me so I told him then I’ll commit suicide and see what happens next and he said, “good then I’m free from hell” my mother is upset with the fact this happened but now I’m in a deep depression and thinking of killing myself please any help will save a life🙏",2,0,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,depression,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you overcome depression,suicidal,True,201 ej5d46,"Losing a coworker, friend, and crush",1b,rant,2,"This feels bad man Around a month ago we got news that 2 people are no longer required for our role, so they decided to move my coworker(I'll call her S) to another department. S and I have been working very closely together for the past 8 months and we became friends and I developed a crush on her(didn't act on it and never will because she's married with 3 kids) We would always work together, and go on smoke breaks together and talk. Until the last days of us working together we were quite close, we even exchanged Christmas gifts, she even gave me 3 hugs for the great gift I got her, and I felt like we were genuinely friends. In the last days we kept saying how well still be friends and hang out and smoke together, how shell Skype me to go downstairs together. This week she started her new role and I feel like all we spoke in the past month went down the drain. She hasn't messaged me once in the past 3 days, I went down to her once because I genuinely missed her and she wasn't her usual happy cheery self with me, she was kinda cold. I've also seen her downstairs smoking with her new team(understandable) but it just made me really sad The final straw that killed me was today when she came upstairs to our department and hung out with one of her other friends that sits 3 desks behind me. I only saw her there because I got up to go to the bathroom. She was lowering her voice a lot(which is out of the usual) and didn't even pass by me to say hi. It kinda felt like she was avoiding me. Her leaving has gotten me so depressed that I barely want to get out of bed and go to work. Her avoiding me is sending me into a downward spiral. I don't know what I can do to help",bigfriendyo,2,0,6,2020-01-02 22:20:42,sad,"This feels bad man Around a month ago we got news that 2 people are no longer required for our role, so they decided to move my coworker(I'll call her S) to another department. S and I have been working very closely together for the past 8 months and we became friends and I developed a crush on her(didn't act on it and never will because she's married with 3 kids) We would always work together, and go on smoke breaks together and talk. Until the last days of us working together we were quite close, we even exchanged Christmas gifts, she even gave me 3 hugs for the great gift I got her, and I felt like we were genuinely friends. In the last days we kept saying how well still be friends and hang out and smoke together, how shell Skype me to go downstairs together. This week she started her new role and I feel like all we spoke in the past month went down the drain. She hasn't messaged me once in the past 3 days, I went down to her once because I genuinely missed her and she wasn't her usual happy cheery self with me, she was kinda cold. I've also seen her downstairs smoking with her new team(understandable) but it just made me really sad The final straw that killed me was today when she came upstairs to our department and hung out with one of her other friends that sits 3 desks behind me. I only saw her there because I got up to go to the bathroom. She was lowering her voice a lot(which is out of the usual) and didn't even pass by me to say hi. It kinda felt like she was avoiding me. Her leaving has gotten me so depressed that I barely want to get out of bed and go to work. Her avoiding me is sending me into a downward spiral. I don't know what I can do to help",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel upset by her avoiding you,,True,220 eouw0e,I thought they said it was going to take a week... First antidepressant,0,help-seeking,1,"I got prescribed a generic antidepressant; took the first dose this morning. I already get daily headaches but at least I could still function. They said it was going to take a week for an effect. B, I got home feeling like I was going to be killed by this headache. I had to get in bed and try to sleep. It was really weird. I forced myself to get up after hours. Just really dizzy now. This is normal, I assume?",mariaj97,1,0,1,2020-01-15 01:07:42,mentalillness,"I got prescribed a generic antidepressant; took the first dose this morning. I already get daily headaches but at least I could still function. They said it was going to take a week for an effect. B, I got home feeling like I was going to be killed by this headache. I had to get in bed and try to sleep. It was really weird. I forced myself to get up after hours. Just really dizzy now. This is normal, I assume?",2,1,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,the effects of the antidepressant,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what help do you need,,True,211 eotq4b,Methods for overcoming in socially abnormal individuals,1a,help-seeking,2,"I know I won’t be able to keep my marriage much longer if my addiction continues. On top of having poor motivation, my personality won’t work well with social support systems. I have ADHD and most would describe my as a social recluse, quiet, shy, and awkward to some extent, but I’m not problematic enough to be thought of as autistic. I have limited capacity to feel guilt or empathy, so I know many accountability programs won’t be motivating for me. Once I’ve opened up to someone I don’t care if they know about future failures. I can’t tell if I’m narcissistic or just have a big mix of mildish symptoms of ADHD, anxiety, depression, and other social problems. What I’m wanting to know is if any of you know of more effective methods for treating addiction in people with different types of emotional/personality disorders. Thank you for your time.",nastynate14597,1,0,0,2020-01-14 23:40:04,addiction,"I know I won’t be able to keep my marriage much longer if my addiction continues. On top of having poor motivation, my personality won’t work well with social support systems. I have ADHD and most would describe my as a social recluse, quiet, shy, and awkward to some extent, but I’m not problematic enough to be thought of as autistic. I have limited capacity to feel guilt or empathy, so I know many accountability programs won’t be motivating for me. Once I’ve opened up to someone I don’t care if they know about future failures. I can’t tell if I’m narcissistic or just have a big mix of mildish symptoms of ADHD, anxiety, depression, and other social problems. What I’m wanting to know is if any of you know of more effective methods for treating addiction in people with different types of emotional/personality disorders. Thank you for your time.",1,0,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,your addiction,How did X make you feel?,your addiction,,,,True,102 ei9ecy,Ah,1a,rant,1,"Im done with all this. I haven’t cut yet in a while but i’m being mentally abused at home and im almost gonna snap. I want to die i cant take it. I cant stay at home but theres nowhere else for me To go..",Gothangelsinnxer,1,0,1,2019-12-31 21:50:57,selfharm,Im done with all this. I haven’t cut yet in a while but i’m being mentally abused at home and im almost gonna snap. I want to die i cant take it. I cant stay at home but theres nowhere else for me To go..,1,1,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,who's mentally abusing you,Can you elaborate more on X ?,the abuse at home makes you feel,What do you need help with now that X?,you are unable to handle the abuse,,True,110 evy0om,Anxiety with new relationship,1b,rant,2,"I left my abusive drug addicted soon to be ex hubby over 7 months ago. I've been with a new guy, the first time I've felt anything since my ex. Sometimes I get anxious when he is in a bad mood tho. It's normal for every everyone to experience all moods. But my exes bad moods were so bad that now when my new guy seems in a mood I get so much anxiety. How can I help myself work through this? Ik its past hurt and almost a ptsd type of thing. Ots not my new gus fault.",DarkPheonix44,1,0,9,2020-01-30 02:22:49,domesticviolence,"I left my abusive drug addicted soon to be ex hubby over 7 months ago. I've been with a new guy, the first time I've felt anything since my ex. Sometimes I get anxious when he is in a bad mood tho. It's normal for every everyone to experience all moods. But my exes bad moods were so bad that now when my new guy seems in a mood I get so much anxiety. How can I help myself work through this? Ik its past hurt and almost a ptsd type of thing. Ots not my new gus fault.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eigim5,I need to forget for a while,1a,rant,1,"I've been trying to get high from smoking and intoxicated from drinking. I even smashed pills and sniffed them. But not for fun, it was to not feel the pain anymore I'm sick and tired of feeling undesirable and unattractive and just sad for seemingly no reason. If that's all there is to life then why live at all. I say that but I'm scared to pull the plug, I'll just kill my self slowly using drugs.",femaleking51,1,0,0,2020-01-01 09:21:24,BPD,"I've been trying to get high from smoking and intoxicated from drinking. I even smashed pills and sniffed them. But not for fun, it was to not feel the pain anymore I'm sick and tired of feeling undesirable and unattractive and just sad for seemingly no reason. If that's all there is to life then why live at all. I say that but I'm scared to pull the plug, I'll just kill my self slowly using drugs.",1,2,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what made you feel the pain,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you need to forget about the pain,,True,120 eixw0n,Adderall IR to EX?,0,help-seeking,1,"I've been taking 2 5 mg tabs of IR a day, I think it might give me some reflux issues (though I think I might be developing lactose intolerance ATM, but I can't tell just yet) so my doc has switched me to 10mg XR. The IR works sorta, I get around 1.5 hrs of ADHD control from it, not great by any means but it helps with my job enough for now. Should I expect maybe similar results from the XR? or even better, I wish the IR was longer acting, I thought it was allegedly effective for 3-5 hrs. I probably need a higher dose, but my doc will not give it to me since I weigh 98lbs and have a hard time putting weight on even though I eat on the pill, I am a short active young female with a healthy lifestyle, I eat but it's a clean diet",S-viv,1,0,2,2020-01-02 12:54:06,ADHD,"I've been taking 2 5 mg tabs of IR a day, I think it might give me some reflux issues (though I think I might be developing lactose intolerance ATM, but I can't tell just yet) so my doc has switched me to 10mg XR. The IR works sorta, I get around 1.5 hrs of ADHD control from it, not great by any means but it helps with my job enough for now. Should I expect maybe similar results from the XR? or even better, I wish the IR was longer acting, I thought it was allegedly effective for 3-5 hrs. I probably need a higher dose, but my doc will not give it to me since I weigh 98lbs and have a hard time putting weight on even though I eat on the pill, I am a short active young female with a healthy lifestyle, I eat but it's a clean diet",2,0,2,,,,,,,,True,202 em5dhr,"He is in jail, she wants to stay. Do I testify?",1b,help-seeking,2,"My sister (32 y.o.) has been in an abusive relationship for about 10 years. Her husband (30 y.o.) won’t let her have a job or a car and physically and verbally abuses her regularly. Every time I try to type the specifics the answer seems obvious but I need some help. He is in jail for felony assault after she called me, my other sister, and her friend and asked us to call the cops. They came and took her husband to jail. This is his first offense, but she keeps calling and screaming that we have ruined her life and she will never speak to us again. We all spoke to the cops about the history of abuse. She is now begging us to retract our statements, saying we are ruining his life and hers. She is asking us to lie to the police, say we were wrong, and says it is the only way she will speak to us again. All of the abuse sites say to let her be in control and don’t force her and don’t take control away. How do I explain that I am going to tell the truth even though she doesn’t want me to and has no control over this situation? He is a white male of means just finishing his PhD and all history makes me believe he will likely get off for this no matter what. What if I testify and he still gets off and then this makes it worse for her??",CJandMushu,1,0,5,2020-01-09 05:42:32,domesticviolence,"My sister (32 y.o.) has been in an abusive relationship for about 10 years. Her husband (30 y.o.) won’t let her have a job or a car and physically and verbally abuses her regularly. Every time I try to type the specifics the answer seems obvious but I need some help. He is in jail for felony assault after she called me, my other sister, and her friend and asked us to call the cops. They came and took her husband to jail. This is his first offense, but she keeps calling and screaming that we have ruined her life and she will never speak to us again. We all spoke to the cops about the history of abuse. She is now begging us to retract our statements, saying we are ruining his life and hers. She is asking us to lie to the police, say we were wrong, and says it is the only way she will speak to us again. All of the abuse sites say to let her be in control and don’t force her and don’t take control away. How do I explain that I am going to tell the truth even though she doesn’t want me to and has no control over this situation? He is a white male of means just finishing his PhD and all history makes me believe he will likely get off for this no matter what. What if I testify and he still gets off and then this makes it worse for her??",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,you sister's husband's actions,,,,True,202 eibh2g,What should I do?,1b,help-seeking,1,I’ve (19F) been talking to someone (25M) for a few weeks and really like him and wanted to commit kind of soon. We’d expressed how we both struggle with anxiety and depression. But I’d say I’m more of an anxious person at times not someone who has anxiety. And I’m more of a quiet sufferer of my depression. So I figured that we’d be able to handle each other’s anxiety because we know what it feels like. Then I realized how bad his anxiety was. I’ve never experienced it and honestly don’t know how to go about it. Having anxiety is not a deal breaker! At all! I am just a little less willing to commit right now because I don’t know how capable I am of being a good partner to him. Because I know there will be times where his anxiety takes over and it will make me feel like He doesn’t trust or believe what I say. So I guess my question is are some of you guys in relationships? How do you navigate your relationship having a severe form of anxiety? What are some tips for me? How could I prepare to be a better partner so that when he is going through anxiety I’m not making it worse or making him feel unsupported?,rownezza,1,0,3,2020-01-01 00:37:14,Anxiety,I’ve (19F) been talking to someone (25M) for a few weeks and really like him and wanted to commit kind of soon. We’d expressed how we both struggle with anxiety and depression. But I’d say I’m more of an anxious person at times not someone who has anxiety. And I’m more of a quiet sufferer of my depression. So I figured that we’d be able to handle each other’s anxiety because we know what it feels like. Then I realized how bad his anxiety was. I’ve never experienced it and honestly don’t know how to go about it. Having anxiety is not a deal breaker! At all! I am just a little less willing to commit right now because I don’t know how capable I am of being a good partner to him. Because I know there will be times where his anxiety takes over and it will make me feel like He doesn’t trust or believe what I say. So I guess my question is are some of you guys in relationships? How do you navigate your relationship having a severe form of anxiety? What are some tips for me? How could I prepare to be a better partner so that when he is going through anxiety I’m not making it worse or making him feel unsupported?,2,1,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel about your partner's anxiety,,,,True,212 ek5lty,Sober 4 years! It's keeping me alive!,0,chitchat,1,"4 years ago, I went to the ER and ended up in the ICU for six weeks. I was drinking heavily to self medicate and was able to quit just once and for just a few months. At this point I had been blacking out, it was so bad. And there I was with pancreatitus, a block in my speenic Artery, and an embolism around my spleen. Long story short, I was supposed to die, but didn't. Four years later, I'm left to celebrate my life without alcohol and tobacco, and I'm still working on my mental health. It is a long journey, but it's much easier without the booze. I am now able to find the motivation to be kinder to myself, and to make my life a little better daily. Thanks for listening, reddit!",blixafritz,6,0,2,2020-01-05 01:03:51,mentalillness,"4 years ago, I went to the ER and ended up in the ICU for six weeks. I was drinking heavily to self medicate and was able to quit just once and for just a few months. At this point I had been blacking out, it was so bad. And there I was with pancreatitus, a block in my speenic Artery, and an embolism around my spleen. Long story short, I was supposed to die, but didn't. Four years later, I'm left to celebrate my life without alcohol and tobacco, and I'm still working on my mental health. It is a long journey, but it's much easier without the booze. I am now able to find the motivation to be kinder to myself, and to make my life a little better daily. Thanks for listening, reddit!",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,thought,True,000 elpqzn,PTSD or trauma stemming from harrassment?,1b,help-seeking,3,"Hi. I don't know if this is the right subreddit to post in, but just looking for some advice and opinions. So, last year I spent four months in a psych ward. Most people on the ward were nice and friendly, other than this one lad, who I will refer to as S. S was admitted not long after me. At first, I spoke a bit to him because he seemed alright and I was trying to get to know the ward because he'd been there in the past. S was schizophrenic, psychotic and talked a lot about wanting to hurt people. I quickly realised how uncomfortable I'd feel around him since he'd often speak to people that weren't there, start throwing things around and talking about wanting to hurt or kill people. I stayed out of his way best I could but he genuinely would never leave me alone, and I couldn't really escape him because the ward was mixed genders and I was locked out of my bedroom until 6pm every day to stop me napping and isolating myself. Whenever I had to do group activities (forced to attend or I wouldn't get overnight leave), he'd always sit right next to me when he could and would try speaking to me, but most of the time he'd just say my name over and over, literally for like an hour straight, try to get my attention etc. I'd never speak to him and always acted like he wasn't there but this just frustrated him and he's try harder. Staff would see that he wasn't leaving me alone and I was obviously uncomfortable, but they couldn't exactly do anything because he wasn't really doing anything wrong and he was mentally ill. One time I was eating dinner alone at a table because I didn't really speak much to the other patients cos I was so shy, and S immediately came over to my table, sat right next to me and tried saying my name multiple times, asking me why I was ignoring him and tried to get my attention by shoving his hands in my face. He even grabbed my wrist and tried pulling me towards him but a nurse saw this and made him move, thankfully. I was trying to go back to my room one time, and he cornered me at the door (it was locked), telling me he loved me about yelling why wouldn't I speak to him. One other time I was sat in the thin corridor outside my bedroom (he wasn't even allowed to be in this corridor because it was the girls' bedrooms down there) and I was just chilling by a table on my own, no staff around, and he came over to me, got real close and kept trying to speak to me, calling out my name loads and rambling incoherently about hurting people. I genuinely was afraid that he was going to do something to me there but was scared to leave the corridor because I had to walk close to him to get past. Thankfully after about 10/15 minutes, I plucked up the courage to run past him and he didn't follow me, but I could still hear him rambling back in the corridor. When I was coming back onto the ward from being on leave, he'd bang on the doors trying to get to me, and the nurse had to take me through this secret entrance kind of thing because he just wouldn't stop. Honeslty, I feel stupid even just typing this out because it's not exactly ""traumatising"" is it? It was just some mentally unstable lad who had an obsession with me. It's a bit scary to think about it all and my heart races. Last night he was in my nightmare - it was so vivid and frightening and I was close to tears when I woke. In the nightmare, he kept trying to attack me and staple me to the ground and nobody could stop him from attacking me it was so horrible. I have nightmares pretty much every night anyway, but the one with S in was just horrible. Was I ""harrassed""? Or am I just overreacting and being stupid here? I don't know what to think to be honest, just needed to type it out I guess and hear what others have to say about it. Sorry about the long post, I don't blame you if you don't read it all.",Paper182186902,1,0,2,2020-01-08 07:54:35,ptsd,"Hi. I don't know if this is the right subreddit to post in, but just looking for some advice and opinions. So, last year I spent four months in a psych ward. Most people on the ward were nice and friendly, other than this one lad, who I will refer to as S. S was admitted not long after me. At first, I spoke a bit to him because he seemed alright and I was trying to get to know the ward because he'd been there in the past. S was schizophrenic, psychotic and talked a lot about wanting to hurt people. I quickly realised how uncomfortable I'd feel around him since he'd often speak to people that weren't there, start throwing things around and talking about wanting to hurt or kill people. I stayed out of his way best I could but he genuinely would never leave me alone, and I couldn't really escape him because the ward was mixed genders and I was locked out of my bedroom until 6pm every day to stop me napping and isolating myself. Whenever I had to do group activities (forced to attend or I wouldn't get overnight leave), he'd always sit right next to me when he could and would try speaking to me, but most of the time he'd just say my name over and over, literally for like an hour straight, try to get my attention etc. I'd never speak to him and always acted like he wasn't there but this just frustrated him and he's try harder. Staff would see that he wasn't leaving me alone and I was obviously uncomfortable, but they couldn't exactly do anything because he wasn't really doing anything wrong and he was mentally ill. One time I was eating dinner alone at a table because I didn't really speak much to the other patients cos I was so shy, and S immediately came over to my table, sat right next to me and tried saying my name multiple times, asking me why I was ignoring him and tried to get my attention by shoving his hands in my face. He even grabbed my wrist and tried pulling me towards him but a nurse saw this and made him move, thankfully. I was trying to go back to my room one time, and he cornered me at the door (it was locked), telling me he loved me about yelling why wouldn't I speak to him. One other time I was sat in the thin corridor outside my bedroom (he wasn't even allowed to be in this corridor because it was the girls' bedrooms down there) and I was just chilling by a table on my own, no staff around, and he came over to me, got real close and kept trying to speak to me, calling out my name loads and rambling incoherently about hurting people. I genuinely was afraid that he was going to do something to me there but was scared to leave the corridor because I had to walk close to him to get past. Thankfully after about 10/15 minutes, I plucked up the courage to run past him and he didn't follow me, but I could still hear him rambling back in the corridor. When I was coming back onto the ward from being on leave, he'd bang on the doors trying to get to me, and the nurse had to take me through this secret entrance kind of thing because he just wouldn't stop. Honeslty, I feel stupid even just typing this out because it's not exactly ""traumatising"" is it? It was just some mentally unstable lad who had an obsession with me. It's a bit scary to think about it all and my heart races. Last night he was in my nightmare. it was so vivid and frightening and I was close to tears when I woke. In the nightmare, he kept trying to attack me and staple me to the ground and nobody could stop him from attacking me it was so horrible. I have nightmares pretty much every night anyway, but the one with S in was just horrible. Was I ""harrassed""? Or am I just overreacting and being stupid here? I don't know what to think to be honest, just needed to type it out I guess and hear what others have to say about it. Sorry about the long post, I don't blame you if you don't read it all.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eiqstt,2 years clean!,0,chitchat,1,As of today I am officially 2 years clean from cutting! Here's to hoping I can finally get therapy this year cause Lord knows I've needed it for awhile 🥂,Thatsa_spicy_meatbal,1,0,2,2020-01-02 01:02:48,selfharm,As of today I am officially 2 years clean from cutting! Here's to hoping I can finally get therapy this year cause Lord knows I've needed it for awhile 🥂,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 eknuv8,Getting out of bed,1a,help-seeking,1,"I have trouble getting out of bed: I wake up and then spend hours in bed, on my phone scrolling through social media/news, or just staring at the ceiling. This is usually a lot worse when I don't have anything planned for the day (friends, school, work etc.) and leads to me getting out of bed past 4 pm. To anyone in a similar situation, how do you deal with this? I'd love to hear some tips or experiences.",doctorqwill,1,0,5,2020-01-06 03:09:50,mentalillness,"I have trouble getting out of bed: I wake up and then spend hours in bed, on my phone scrolling through social media/news, or just staring at the ceiling. This is usually a lot worse when I don't have anything planned for the day (friends, school, work etc.) and leads to me getting out of bed past 4 pm. To anyone in a similar situation, how do you deal with this? I'd love to hear some tips or experiences.",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,spending hours in the bed after waking up,,,,True,202 eizamy,What do you love about your ADHD?,0,survey,1,"It’s easy to name 99 things that you hate about your ADHD, but if you have to pick just one thing that you LOVE about it, what would it be and why?",KavenG9,1,0,17,2020-01-02 15:04:45,ADHD,"It’s easy to name 99 things that you hate about your ADHD, but if you have to pick just one thing that you LOVE about it, what would it be and why?",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 eicmjt,Life Partner sometimes would “rather die” to escape the hurt in her brain,1b,help-seeking,2,"The love of my life has been diagnosed with moderate anxiety not long ago. For the most part, she is highly functional and does well and does not take any medication. She occasionally suffers from panic attacks, feelings of being overwhelmed, or extreme guilt. However what concerns me is that once in a blue moon, when she is faced with a difficult situation, she gets so overwhelmed and says she feels like she “wants to die” and that her brain “hurts so much” from being overwhelmed. I can only imagine the struggle and I try to relate as much as I can. It alarms me when she uses the term “wants to die” and I have her clarify if that means she is suicidal. She always assured me that no, she doesn’t want to kill herself, and that her thought process is just that it seems easier to just want to fade away or be dead than have to face the realities of being overwhelmed. Can anyone relate to this and help me understand better? Any advice is helpful on what I can do to help her when we are faced with this situation again. She does assure me that she doesn’t want to kill herself, but I worry. And I want to help ease whatever she is going through. I love her too much and like with any Larson you love, you go through the pain with them. Thanks in advance!",Akio83,1,0,5,2020-01-01 02:19:38,Anxiety,"The love of my life has been diagnosed with moderate anxiety not long ago. For the most part, she is highly functional and does well and does not take any medication. She occasionally suffers from panic attacks, feelings of being overwhelmed, or extreme guilt. However what concerns me is that once in a blue moon, when she is faced with a difficult situation, she gets so overwhelmed and says she feels like she “wants to die” and that her brain “hurts so much” from being overwhelmed. I can only imagine the struggle and I try to relate as much as I can. It alarms me when she uses the term “wants to die” and I have her clarify if that means she is suicidal. She always assured me that no, she doesn’t want to kill herself, and that her thought process is just that it seems easier to just want to fade away or be dead than have to face the realities of being overwhelmed. Can anyone relate to this and help me understand better? Any advice is helpful on what I can do to help her when we are faced with this situation again. She does assure me that she doesn’t want to kill herself, but I worry. And I want to help ease whatever she is going through. I love her too much and like with any Larson you love, you go through the pain with them. Thanks in advance!",1,2,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what makes her anxious,,,,,,True,122 ep0a3w,I feel the need for some advice,1b,help-seeking,3,"Hello all, I'm feeling a bit stuck at the moment and just wanted to recount some of what's happened in my life to see what people may have to say about it. This is quite a long post. I know a lot of issues I have today stem from some early childhood trauma. For some background before I start, my mother's side grandparents were both psychiatric nurses at the same mental hospital and my Grandfather was the head nurse for many years. My grandparents divorced and each remarried long before I was born. My grandmother kept their house which also functioned as a halfway house for recovering patients and unfortunately remarried a man who ended up being abusive to her. The house was outfitted with a ""pink room"" in the basement for patients who might become violent during their stay there. The idea being that pink is a calming colour. She also had 25+ year long battle with cancer and was bedridden for the last few years of her life before dying in 2006. I'm 19 now, and in 2005 when I was 4 my mother sent me to stay with my Grandmother and step-Grandfather over the weekend. I ended up staying there for almost 2 weeks. I only have one memory from then which is of being locked in the pink room in the dark and seeing my step-Grandfather waving at me in the illuminated hallway through the one-way glass. Apparently after returning home I didn't speak for weeks and I had a busted lip and black eye. Despite always being a very energetic and outgoing child before this event, everyone in my family always notes that at around 4 I became very reserved and have been ever since. When I was first sent to school in Kindergarten I could not socialize with the other kids. I was evaluated and deemed developmentally delayed and was subsequently expelled from the school. They told my parents I needed to be in a special needs program. Spoiler alert: I am not developmentally delayed. My mother didn't believe them and I was homeschooled with the ""unschooling"" direction until Grade 10. No formal education of any kind, and pretty much no friends or socialization outside of my parents. Skipping many years, I relive being locked in that room very often. When I was sent to highschool I was completely unfamiliar with the environment, starting school in September I didn't meet anyone until January. Some cool dudes took me in and I'm still good friends with them. Amazingly rather, I am still good friends with them. I didn't go back to school for Grade 11, I got a girlfriend. I can't explain very much but she was manipulative, I was extremely angry throughout this relationship. It began May 2017 and ended in April 2019. The extent of my problem at this time led me to extreme outbursts of anger leading to violent self harm (slamming my head into tiled walls for example) and extreme insomnia. I went to a doctor and was prescribed Trazodone to help me sleep. The next little while is gone from my memory. I took it a few nights and then woke up 3 weeks later in the psych ward of my municipal hospital. Apparently I became extremely paranoid, psychotic, and suicidal. I was put on other medications, sedatives of some kind, while at the hospital for 5 days and became basically catatonic. Since then the idea of Panic Disorder came up, negative reactions to almost all medications is a not yet proven but proposed occasional effect coinciding with Panic Disorder. After this I have had an extreme fear of hospitals and Doctors. To the point of breaking down when I got a minor cut on my hand, terrified of stitches I obviously didn't need. My girlfriend ended up cheating on me with a close mutual friend who actually helped get us together in the first place. That sucked and still sucks. I didn't see my friends at all for over 2 years and basically got manipulated into thinking ""well at least I'm alone with someone instead of alone by myself"". I lived with her for almost the entire time we were together. Right now my issue can be summed up into a few parts: depression, panic attacks, visual hallucinations, occasional suicidal thoughts, fear that people don't like me, I can't be assed to find a job, I just smoke weed (thanks Canada) and browse YouTube all day. I don't know if the extent I'm not functioning really comes across. It's just constant terror and stress. I've used harder drugs a few times, and I can thankfully say firmly I do not want to do any again. Other things that have faded over time include Agoraphobia, a fear of eyes, and a fear that someone I know would kill me or I would have to kill them. I don't know how to end this. Any advice would be appreciated or questions. Anything at all, I just need to talk to someone without the fear of being hated.",Aloysius_TBS,1,0,1,2020-01-15 09:45:23,mentalillness,"Hello all, I'm feeling a bit stuck at the moment and just wanted to recount some of what's happened in my life to see what people may have to say about it. This is quite a long post. I know a lot of issues I have today stem from some early childhood trauma. For some background before I start, my mother's side grandparents were both psychiatric nurses at the same mental hospital and my Grandfather was the head nurse for many years. My grandparents divorced and each remarried long before I was born. My grandmother kept their house which also functioned as a halfway house for recovering patients and unfortunately remarried a man who ended up being abusive to her. The house was outfitted with a ""pink room"" in the basement for patients who might become violent during their stay there. The idea being that pink is a calming colour. She also had 25+ year long battle with cancer and was bedridden for the last few years of her life before dying in 2006. I'm 19 now, and in 2005 when I was 4 my mother sent me to stay with my Grandmother and step-Grandfather over the weekend. I ended up staying there for almost 2 weeks. I only have one memory from then which is of being locked in the pink room in the dark and seeing my step-Grandfather waving at me in the illuminated hallway through the one-way glass. Apparently after returning home I didn't speak for weeks and I had a busted lip and black eye. Despite always being a very energetic and outgoing child before this event, everyone in my family always notes that at around 4 I became very reserved and have been ever since. When I was first sent to school in Kindergarten I could not socialize with the other kids. I was evaluated and deemed developmentally delayed and was subsequently expelled from the school. They told my parents I needed to be in a special needs program. Spoiler alert: I am not developmentally delayed. My mother didn't believe them and I was homeschooled with the ""unschooling"" direction until Grade 10. No formal education of any kind, and pretty much no friends or socialization outside of my parents. Skipping many years, I relive being locked in that room very often. When I was sent to highschool I was completely unfamiliar with the environment, starting school in September I didn't meet anyone until January. Some cool dudes took me in and I'm still good friends with them. Amazingly rather, I am still good friends with them. I didn't go back to school for Grade 11, I got a girlfriend. I can't explain very much but she was manipulative, I was extremely angry throughout this relationship. It began May 2017 and ended in April 2019. The extent of my problem at this time led me to extreme outbursts of anger leading to violent self harm (slamming my head into tiled walls for example) and extreme insomnia. I went to a doctor and was prescribed Trazodone to help me sleep. The next little while is gone from my memory. I took it a few nights and then woke up 3 weeks later in the psych ward of my municipal hospital. Apparently I became extremely paranoid, psychotic, and suicidal. I was put on other medications, sedatives of some kind, while at the hospital for 5 days and became basically catatonic. Since then the idea of Panic Disorder came up, negative reactions to almost all medications is a not yet proven but proposed occasional effect coinciding with Panic Disorder. After this I have had an extreme fear of hospitals and Doctors. To the point of breaking down when I got a minor cut on my hand, terrified of stitches I obviously didn't need. My girlfriend ended up cheating on me with a close mutual friend who actually helped get us together in the first place. That sucked and still sucks. I didn't see my friends at all for over 2 years and basically got manipulated into thinking ""well at least I'm alone with someone instead of alone by myself"". I lived with her for almost the entire time we were together. Right now my issue can be summed up into a few parts: depression, panic attacks, visual hallucinations, occasional suicidal thoughts, fear that people don't like me, I can't be assed to find a job, I just smoke weed (thanks Canada) and browse YouTube all day. I don't know if the extent I'm not functioning really comes across. It's just constant terror and stress. I've used harder drugs a few times, and I can thankfully say firmly I do not want to do any again. Other things that have faded over time include Agoraphobia, a fear of eyes, and a fear that someone I know would kill me or I would have to kill them. I don't know how to end this. Any advice would be appreciated or questions. Anything at all, I just need to talk to someone without the fear of being hated.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 epttyo,I have a tro hearing coming up on Tuesday,1b,rant,1,"I have hired a lawyer but I’m afraid because I called the cops and didn’t get the order at first and during that time I called him 10 times and texted him. He didn’t answer the phone and I left one message asking for my keys backs The texts were over all nasty but he did write do not text me or I’m pressing harassment charges. He was texting me back He will probably say I got the tro because I wanted revenge. I don’t know why I called him. But I don’t even want to show up now.",Js10241024,1,0,1,2020-01-17 02:18:41,domesticviolence,I have hired a lawyer but I’m afraid because I called the cops and didn’t get the order at first and during that time I called him 10 times and texted him. He didn’t answer the phone and I left one message asking for my keys backs The texts were over all nasty but he did write do not text me or I’m pressing harassment charges. He was texting me back He will probably say I got the tro because I wanted revenge. I don’t know why I called him. But I don’t even want to show up now.,2,0,0,,,How did X make you feel?,talking to him,What do you need help with now that X?,you don't want to show up at the hearing,,True,200 ekqrl4,Going to the movies alone,1a,survey,1,I've been thinking about going to the movie theaters alone but I'm too scared. I feel like everyone is going to see me going there and make fun of me. I have people who I can go with but I heard people say that going alone is actually really nice. All I want is to experience it so has anyone else have done it before? If yes how was it?,FishNega,1,0,3,2020-01-06 07:36:14,socialanxiety,I've been thinking about going to the movie theaters alone but I'm too scared. I feel like everyone is going to see me going there and make fun of me. I have people who I can go with but I heard people say that going alone is actually really nice. All I want is to experience it so has anyone else have done it before? If yes how was it?,2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 elpoi8,First Week Without Nicotine,1a,help-seeking,2,"I’ve been vaping every dat since I was 16/17 probably... I’m 21 now. Until this week, I don’t remember the last time I even went a day or two without it. I lost my vape at a New Years Eve party and because I’m not in the best financial situation, I wasn’t able to afford a new one. The first 2-3 days were terrible, I’ve never experienced a worse feeling in my life. But now, I feel much better. No headaches or physical pain, just a huge desire to smoke. I also have a bit more money now. I’m extremely tempted to go back to the smoke shop and buy another one. I’m telling myself that now that I’ve gotten the worst part over with, I can have limits. I can treat it more like alcohol (which I consume very responsibly), not bring it everywhere with me. Is this a terrible idea? I just crave it so much I don’t know how much longer I can go with out it.",qualliamson,1,0,5,2020-01-08 07:46:33,addiction,"I’ve been vaping every dat since I was 16/17 probably... I’m 21 now. Until this week, I don’t remember the last time I even went a day or two without it. I lost my vape at a New Years Eve party and because I’m not in the best financial situation, I wasn’t able to afford a new one. The first 2-3 days were terrible, I’ve never experienced a worse feeling in my life. But now, I feel much better. No headaches or physical pain, just a huge desire to smoke. I also have a bit more money now. I’m extremely tempted to go back to the smoke shop and buy another one. I’m telling myself that now that I’ve gotten the worst part over with, I can have limits. I can treat it more like alcohol (which I consume very responsibly), not bring it everywhere with me. Is this a terrible idea? I just crave it so much I don’t know how much longer I can go with out it.",2,1,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel about the cravings,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you control your cravings,,True,211 ej2os3,Self Punishment,1a,rant,1,"I cannot love myself.... I ruined an amazing friendship a few days ago. I've been trying to punish myself for it All mamaged to d today is eat breakfasted clean up my room. I'm supposed to work out later but....what does it matter All I am to society is just a punching bag Bad things always happen to me and I will never happy I wish I was an abortion. Then I wouldn't be suffering like the way I do",fulffmeetspan,2,0,23,2020-01-02 19:15:44,BPD,I cannot love myself.... I ruined an amazing friendship a few days ago. I've been trying to punish myself for it All mamaged to d today is eat breakfasted clean up my room. I'm supposed to work out later but....what does it matter All I am to society is just a punching bag Bad things always happen to me and I will never happy I wish I was an abortion. Then I wouldn't be suffering like the way I do,1,1,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,your friendship,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how did parting with your friend make you feel,What do you need help with now that X?,you lost your friendship with someone,,True,110 eotk2y,Nobody shows up?,1b,rant,1,I’m a little pissed off. I am outside the meeting. And no one has shown up. Seriously? What if I really needed a meeting? And it’s a no show. FFS.,smartchic65,1,0,11,2020-01-14 23:28:00,alcoholicsanonymous,I’m a little pissed off. I am outside the meeting. And no one has shown up. Seriously? What if I really needed a meeting? And it’s a no show. FFS.,1,2,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you are going to the meetings,,,What do you need help with now that X?,nobody showed up at the meeting,,True,120 fsnbws,Getting over a guy who didn’t love me,1b,rant,2,"Though he said it to me often, his actions proved differently. He cheated on me often and projected that I was cheating when I wasn’t. Lied all the time about everything. Ignored me when I was away. Asked me to share my location but turned his off conveniently. We broke up and got together a few times. This was the last straw for me when I read this text that he wrote to a friend “What went through my head? I thought yeah he’s kind of annoying as fuck but his hole is good and I’ll prolly break up with him 5 more times before it’s finally over. Then I blew in his hole and fell asleep” I broke up with him and haven’t talked to him since. Well yesterday I noticed him stalking me on Grindr and Scruff looking at my profiles constantly for a few hours and then he tried to be “cute” by sending me a YouTube video to my email (since he’s blocked everywhere else) Of the frozen2 song “lost in the woods” a song about missing his love. Ha! I replied to him hours later with “razor blade kiss” by HIM a song about toxic love. Some people are so vile. No advice needed just wanted to let others know that when you give yourself completely to someone and they cheat and project on to you and break your heart. Know your worth and never take them back. It was a mistake I made a few times with this cruel human. Now JB, go enjoy the ghost of me.",itslukeperry,3,0,7,2020-03-31 22:53:24,getting_over_it,"Though he said it to me often, his actions proved differently. He cheated on me often and projected that I was cheating when I wasn’t. Lied all the time about everything. Ignored me when I was away. Asked me to share my location but turned his off conveniently. We broke up and got together a few times. This was the last straw for me when I read this text that he wrote to a friend “What went through my head? I thought yeah he’s kind of annoying as fuck but his hole is good and I’ll prolly break up with him 5 more times before it’s finally over. Then I blew in his hole and fell asleep” I broke up with him and haven’t talked to him since. Well yesterday I noticed him stalking me on Grindr and Scruff looking at my profiles constantly for a few hours and then he tried to be “cute” by sending me a YouTube video to my email (since he’s blocked everywhere else) Of the frozen2 song “lost in the woods” a song about missing his love. Ha! I replied to him hours later with “razor blade kiss” by HIM a song about toxic love. Some people are so vile. No advice needed just wanted to let others know that when you give yourself completely to someone and they cheat and project on to you and break your heart. Know your worth and never take them back. It was a mistake I made a few times with this cruel human. Now JB, go enjoy the ghost of me.",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,the guy cheating on you and lying ,,,,True,202 eicbuh,Alone for the first hours of 2020,0,chitchat,1,"Hey there Maybe youre alone tonight. I am also alone. But thats ok, tbh. Not a big deal. Since were both alone, why dont we be alone together. Have a happy new year.",ZiggyZebulon,1,0,1,2020-01-01 01:51:59,depression,"Hey there Maybe youre alone tonight. I am also alone. But thats ok, tbh. Not a big deal. Since were both alone, why dont we be alone together. Have a happy new year.",1,0,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you were alone on new year,How did X make you feel?,being alone,,,,True,102 ej6d8j,hit styro for the first time,0,rant,1,"I should hate myself, I should feel terrible for doing it but there's genuine pride in me. I genuinely proud of it and I don't get it",puppypopcornpizza,1,0,0,2020-01-02 23:32:31,selfharm,"hit styro for the first time I should hate myself, I should feel terrible for doing it but there's genuine pride in me. I genuinely proud of it and I don't get it",1,2,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why did you hit styro,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel terrible for your hitting your styro,,True,120 eu2ujs,Accepting Limitations while Planning for Adaptations,0,rant,1,"Today I realized that there are very basic needs that I tend to forget. Basic needs like going to the bathroom, drinking water, eating meals, and moving. With this information, I know more about how I can support myself and care for myself. That self care is really making sure I am eating enough and drinking water and sleeping. This is so basic. I am struggling to understand how I am just now learning this.",embersparke,1,0,1,2020-01-26 05:44:25,selfhelp,"Today I realized that there are very basic needs that I tend to forget. Basic needs like going to the bathroom, drinking water, eating meals, and moving. With this information, I know more about how I can support myself and care for myself. That self care is really making sure I am eating enough and drinking water and sleeping. This is so basic. I am struggling to understand how I am just now learning this.",2,0,0,,,How did X make you feel?,forgetting even the basic needs,What do you need help with now that X?,you forget even basic survival needs,,True,200 ei919m,My life is falling apart,1a,rant,1,"They say life has it's ups and downs. I feel like my life has been going down hill since 2012/13. 2019 has been my all time low. Everything I tried failed miserably, everything. I don't know what to do. I don't have anyone to talk to. The future seems to be even tougher and I really don't know if I can carry on.",sad_boi_99,1,0,0,2019-12-31 21:21:29,depression,"They say life has it's ups and downs. I feel like my life has been going down hill since 2012/13. 2019 has been my all time low. Everything I tried failed miserably, everything. I don't know what to do. I don't have anyone to talk to. The future seems to be even tougher and I really don't know if I can carry on.",1,1,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how 2019 has been,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel after a bad year,What do you need help with now that X?,2019 has been a bad year,,True,110 ejak5g,"I never feel truly sorry or remorseful for my actions, despite regretting the things I did",1a,rant,1,"I feel regret about things, I wish I hadn't done things because maybe now a situation is tense, or someone is mad at me, and I can recognize that I made someone upset, and sometimes it hurts me that I did that to someone else. I never feel truly remorseful, like empathizing with someone else and feeling the way I hurt them. I have been told many times I have no empathy. I rarely learn from my mistakes and often do things I regret again and again.",we_dont_eat_horses,5,0,2,2020-01-03 05:00:15,BPD,"I feel regret about things, I wish I hadn't done things because maybe now a situation is tense, or someone is mad at me, and I can recognize that I made someone upset, and sometimes it hurts me that I did that to someone else. I never feel truly remorseful, like empathizing with someone else and feeling the way I hurt them. I have been told many times I have no empathy. I rarely learn from my mistakes and often do things I regret again and again.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel regret about the things you did,,True,220 ekuq1j,Relapsed after a week (had a week before that too...) what to expect,1a,help-seeking,2,"So Id originally made it 8 days without dope/fent and then relapsed right before the holidays on powders. The days after using i took 1mg of sub (hadnt touched subs in a few months) I was able to go in vacation right after that and strung together another 8 days, though my brain kept saying the WDs were still around cause of that one minor sub. Sure enough after getting home and getting hit by the cold weather I bought a bag and used - feels bad. Question is: should I forego a single 0.5-1mg of a sub tomorrow? Will a single sub dose like that prolong a withdrawal? I do feel the first time taking one day of dope/fent then a single sliver of sub next day made WDs overall seem longer. Ive done my bag rn and just wonder if I should take any sub this time within then next day or so or just try to white knuckle it? Just wondering if anyone's been a similar weekly relapse situation and has any advice to spare. Many thanks",TiredOffTheCycleSMH,1,0,5,2020-01-06 14:20:04,OpiatesRecovery,"So Id originally made it 8 days without dope/fent and then relapsed right before the holidays on powders. The days after using i took 1mg of sub (hadnt touched subs in a few months) I was able to go in vacation right after that and strung together another 8 days, though my brain kept saying the WDs were still around cause of that one minor sub. Sure enough after getting home and getting hit by the cold weather I bought a bag and used - feels bad. Question is: should I forego a single 0.5-1mg of a sub tomorrow? Will a single sub dose like that prolong a withdrawal? I do feel the first time taking one day of dope/fent then a single sliver of sub next day made WDs overall seem longer. Ive done my bag rn and just wonder if I should take any sub this time within then next day or so or just try to white knuckle it? Just wondering if anyone's been a similar weekly relapse situation and has any advice to spare. Many thanks",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 elgo6t,Help for and from seafarers!,1a,help-seeking,1,"I am a trainee engineer and this is my first time ever on a merchant vessel. The vessel had been berthed for the last year and is practically dead. No system works, the machineries have been overhauled and their parts have been kept scattered around. Is this how bad every blue collar job is? I have been undergoing therapy since the last year and have been diagnosed with anxiety. I am having panic attacks on a daily basis and all I want to do is run away and get back to my home. At times I have been suicidal and the thoughts inside my head are making it very hard to be at peace. There are constant voices inside my head telling me to quit, get back home and choose some other line of work. My contract is for ten months and this has been my very first week. I do not know how I am going to make it through. Please help me. Please.",okchinmayarawat,1,0,0,2020-01-07 19:52:31,mentalillness,"I am a trainee engineer and this is my first time ever on a merchant vessel. The vessel had been berthed for the last year and is practically dead. No system works, the machineries have been overhauled and their parts have been kept scattered around. Is this how bad every blue collar job is? I have been undergoing therapy since the last year and have been diagnosed with anxiety. I am having panic attacks on a daily basis and all I want to do is run away and get back to my home. At times I have been suicidal and the thoughts inside my head are making it very hard to be at peace. There are constant voices inside my head telling me to quit, get back home and choose some other line of work. My contract is for ten months and this has been my very first week. I do not know how I am going to make it through. Please help me. Please.",2,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,panic attacks,What do you need help with now that X?,you have anxiety and panic attacks,,True,200 eig35u,Anyone here need someone to talk to??,0,help-seeking,1,Same..,sortadark,1,0,6,2020-01-01 08:23:00,BPD,Same..,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ei8e0f,I hope 2020 will be better,0,chitchat,1,I wish you all a very good year and I hope that all your wishes come true!,slim_lx,1,0,0,2019-12-31 20:30:46,depression,I wish you all a very good year and I hope that all your wishes come true!,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 eiayh3,Mother's partner of 4 years abusive,1b,help-seeking,1,"[AUSTRALIA] Hi, I live with my mother and her partner - they now have a baby. My mother's partner has been emotionally abusing my mother for 3 years. He is constantly name-dropping demeaning titles like b****, stupid b****, useless b****, etc.. My mother's partner hurts her frequently like twisting her hand, punching her arm and very recently, hit her head so hard blood spewed out. My mother's partner hit my grandmother in the eye and as a result she bled and currently has permanent vision impairment. My blood has been boiling for a long time now. My mother doesn't want the police involved because she needs someone to take care of both her work and the baby and she can't do both with my help. We are planning to have my grandmother come to Australia and having my extended family involved in taking care of my baby brother. I'm assuming if she presses charges this man's going to jail or at the very least, will have a restraining order placed against him. What would people suggest? Because if nothing works I'll face jail time.",Inhesion1,1,0,2,2019-12-31 23:56:39,domesticviolence,"[AUSTRALIA] Hi, I live with my mother and her partner - they now have a baby. My mother's partner has been emotionally abusing my mother for 3 years. He is constantly name-dropping demeaning titles like b****, stupid b****, useless b****, etc.. My mother's partner hurts her frequently like twisting her hand, punching her arm and very recently, hit her head so hard blood spewed out. My mother's partner hit my grandmother in the eye and as a result she bled and currently has permanent vision impairment. My blood has been boiling for a long time now. My mother doesn't want the police involved because she needs someone to take care of both her work and the baby and she can't do both with my help. We are planning to have my grandmother come to Australia and having my extended family involved in taking care of my baby brother. I'm assuming if she presses charges this man's going to jail or at the very least, will have a restraining order placed against him. What would people suggest? Because if nothing works I'll face jail time.",2,1,2,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how feel about your mother's situation,,,,True,212 f60etx,Stalkerware/spyware,0,help-seeking,1,"Hi, I work at a shelter and I find a lot of residents that are worried that their abuser is secretly watching everything they do on their phones. While we always make sure residents turn off GPS tracking, it hasn’t become policy to check for spy apps and things on residents’ phones. If people could share what they know about methods used to track people and watch their phones, as well as any apps on the market that I could tell residents to look out for, that would be great. Thank you.",Poopface2113,1,0,9,2020-02-18 22:48:02,domesticviolence,"Hi, I work at a shelter and I find a lot of residents that are worried that their abuser is secretly watching everything they do on their phones. While we always make sure residents turn off GPS tracking, it hasn’t become policy to check for spy apps and things on residents’ phones. If people could share what they know about methods used to track people and watch their phones, as well as any apps on the market that I could tell residents to look out for, that would be great. Thank you.",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,the residents worries,,,,True,202 elug86,I replaced drugs/alcohol with food...,1a,survey,1,"Eventually, I got to a point in my sobriety where some things weren’t going so well in my life, so I started overeating as a form of comfort. Anyone else here experienced this? I have a significant amount of weight to lose now...",Digiornopizzas,1,0,9,2020-01-08 15:49:56,addiction,"I replaced drugs/alcohol with food... Eventually, I got to a point in my sobriety where some things weren’t going so well in my life, so I started overeating as a form of comfort. Anyone else here experienced this? I have a significant amount of weight to lose now...",1,0,1,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what made you start overeating,How did X make you feel?,overeating,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you control overeating,title,True,101 eit1wh,Anyone else feel like their anxiety will be the downfall to their relationship?,0,survey,1,,starpathos,1,0,76,2020-01-02 04:07:18,Anxiety,Anyone else feel like their anxiety will be the downfall to their relationship? nan,0,2,0,What made you feel X ?,your anxiety would affect your relationship,,,What can help you overcome X ?,the anxiety,,True,020 eia18g,What is the best drug to die from,0,help-seeking,1,"I’m against weed, but what is the best drug to die from",imalittlekitten1,1,0,4,2019-12-31 22:42:09,addiction,"I’m against weed, but what is the best drug to die from",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 ejpqan,"Every mistake I make, I feel like punishing my body for.",1a,rant,1,"It could be the tiniest thing I’ve done wrong, I just feel like hurting myself for it. There I go again making another mistake, letting everyone down.",Lonetraveler87,2,0,0,2020-01-04 01:55:50,selfharm,"Every mistake I make, I feel like punishing my body for. It could be the tiniest thing I’ve done wrong, I just feel like hurting myself for it. There I go again making another mistake, letting everyone down.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you want to hurt yourself for every mistake you make,,True,220 eis0pl,"Is digging my nails into my skin selfharm? The sign would stay for 1 day, and the arm will burn after i leave my nails from the arm. Can that bring me to cutting myself? I am hust worried.",0,help-seeking,1,,mattiaKbah,1,0,10,2020-01-02 02:41:10,selfharm,"Is digging my nails into my skin selfharm? The sign would stay for 1 day, and the arm will burn after i leave my nails from the arm. Can that bring me to cutting myself? I am hust worried.",1,2,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you dig your nails into your skin,,,,,,True,122 enwzlg,I don't feel safe anymore,1a,help-seeking,1,"I don't know what to do, I hate living in a perpetual state of fear, of myself and others I don't know anymore and I don't know what to say I guess this is really a vent or in need of help I'm scared and that's all",gayfroggs,1,0,3,2020-01-13 01:27:18,mentalillness,"I don't feel safe anymore I don't know what to do, I hate living in a perpetual state of fear, of myself and others I don't know anymore and I don't know what to say I guess this is really a vent or in need of help I'm scared and that's all",0,2,0,What made you feel X ?,unsafe and fearful,,,What can help you overcome X ?,the fear of everyone around you,,True,020 ei9gr8,I don’t know,0,rant,1,I really don’t know if I got depression or not... There’s just those sudden waves of sadness that usually happen for no reason. Today is New Years.. around this time every year I get sad or depressed but I don’t know why.. I have a loving family but for some reason I don’t feel excited .. same thing happens when it’s my birthday .. I just don’t enjoy it as much as others,KnowledgeSeeker-,1,0,0,2019-12-31 21:56:26,depression,I really don’t know if I got depression or not... There’s just those sudden waves of sadness that usually happen for no reason. Today is New Years.. around this time every year I get sad or depressed but I don’t know why.. I have a loving family but for some reason I don’t feel excited .. same thing happens when it’s my birthday .. I just don’t enjoy it as much as others,1,2,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you feel you have depression,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel sad and depressed,,True,120 elaa2x,Any good tips on managing PTSD?,0,help-seeking,1,,bouncingbenji,1,0,2,2020-01-07 11:20:12,ptsd,Any good tips on managing PTSD? nan,0,0,2,What happened that you want X ?,to manage your PTSD,Why are you wanting X ?,tips for dealing with your PTSD,,,,True,002 eig2qi,20 cuts to ring in the new year,0,rant,1,I missed the countdown... due to extreme stupidity on my dad's part. Everyone was downstairs toasting except me. This year is already off to a shitty start.,MetatronCubeG92,1,0,1,2020-01-01 08:21:24,selfharm,20 cuts to ring in the new year I missed the countdown... due to extreme stupidity on my dad's part. Everyone was downstairs toasting except me. This year is already off to a shitty start.,1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you cut yourself,How did X make you feel?,missing the countdown,What do you need help with now that X?,you had a bad start to the new year,,True,100 eiox63,Deciding if one needs mental health services when you know the root problem isn't mental health related ?,1a,help-seeking,3,"Basically I've found there's done mhs in the city(small rural town) on a slide scale. It has mixed low reviews overall , basically I'm curious if I'm blocking myself but don't see it or if i need help or not. My frustrations/anxiety/living situation all things are at root induced , influenced or directly caused by employment and economics. I only make x amount that's so low that even section 8 housing is a stretch for the reality even though i do work 28-35 hrs weekly with random days but general hours. A second job isn't logical - I'd lose hours with this employer and what I'd make with the 2nd master is basically compensating what I'm loosing and the little positive isn't of significant value at current wage level it's barely an extra 6k a year for full-time and still not a profit on my time over cost of living. I've been born to low scale poverty week to week pay and haven't truly found a professional employer and in the found most businesses act like minimum wage mandates are a crime(only because they can't pay 1$ per hour) or otherwise undercut an employee. I'm fighting myself as many jobs I'm gloriously unqualified for Anna realize my limitations my back for example is too touchy i can without constant exercise to my own limitations and stretching can go out if i over work so labor is out, same for military (for ethics too). I know i can go on about all of it , unable to relocate(3k minimum cost) not counting time to find employment. Networking sincerely for a living wage job Relocation Educational options (i have an associate's which i know = toilet paper) All of it is tied to economics - time to educate ,time to practice , time to hunt for a job in a field i can excel in and am interested in etc. (Note not interested in trades talk or military as they've been addressed in why they're not in consideration not accounting for viral impairment via color alignment my frequencies are incorrect )",StarkAspirations0842,1,0,2,2020-01-01 22:35:32,selfhelp,"Basically I've found there's done mhs in the city(small rural town) on a slide scale. It has mixed low reviews overall , basically I'm curious if I'm blocking myself but don't see it or if i need help or not. My frustrations/anxiety/living situation all things are at root induced , influenced or directly caused by employment and economics. I only make x amount that's so low that even section 8 housing is a stretch for the reality even though i do work 28-35 hrs weekly with random days but general hours. A second job isn't logical - I'd lose hours with this employer and what I'd make with the 2nd master is basically compensating what I'm loosing and the little positive isn't of significant value at current wage level it's barely an extra 6k a year for full-time and still not a profit on my time over cost of living. I've been born to low scale poverty week to week pay and haven't truly found a professional employer and in the found most businesses act like minimum wage mandates are a crime(only because they can't pay 1$ per hour) or otherwise undercut an employee. I'm fighting myself as many jobs I'm gloriously unqualified for Anna realize my limitations my back for example is too touchy i can without constant exercise to my own limitations and stretching can go out if i over work so labor is out, same for military (for ethics too). I know i can go on about all of it , unable to relocate(3k minimum cost) not counting time to find employment. Networking sincerely for a living wage job Relocation Educational options (i have an associate's which i know = toilet paper) All of it is tied to economics - time to educate ,time to practice , time to hunt for a job in a field i can excel in and am interested in etc. (Note not interested in trades talk or military as they've been addressed in why they're not in consideration not accounting for viral impairment via color alignment my frequencies are incorrect )",2,1,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,your frustrations and anxiety,,,,True,212 em6rp2,Recommendations?,0,help-seeking,1,"Hello! I hope this is the right place to post this. Lately, I have been thinking about this question: how can you be at peace without being ignorant? I don't like the saying ""ignorance is bliss"", because I don't want to be ignorant, and I don't want to ""get used"" to all the suffering in the world. But when I read the news, when I encounter human suffering every day, I find it hard to feel at peace while being so hyperaware of the things going on around me. Any recommendations for some clarity on this? Books, philosophies, your personal thoughts? Thank you :)",castro_oil,1,0,1,2020-01-09 08:13:25,selfhelp,"Hello! I hope this is the right place to post this. Lately, I have been thinking about this question: how can you be at peace without being ignorant? I don't like the saying ""ignorance is bliss"", because I don't want to be ignorant, and I don't want to ""get used"" to all the suffering in the world. But when I read the news, when I encounter human suffering every day, I find it hard to feel at peace while being so hyperaware of the things going on around me. Any recommendations for some clarity on this? Books, philosophies, your personal thoughts? Thank you :)",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 eic6jf,"New decade, new life.",0,chitchat,1,"Last ten years? Fuck em! Fuck 2010 - 2019. The 20's are ours! I hope everyone that reads this has a better 10 years than the last. Shits gotta get better otherwise why are we still here? We're for eachother. We vent to eachother to know we matter or at least that someone cares or knows how we feel. Here's to surviving the next ten years and not giving into that bullshit depression. I hope you guys find that thing that gives your life meaning. Stay strong, you got this shit!",jacob7574,1,0,5,2020-01-01 01:38:21,depression,"Last ten years? Fuck em! Fuck 2010 - 2019. The 20's are ours! I hope everyone that reads this has a better 10 years than the last. Shits gotta get better otherwise why are we still here? We're for eachother. We vent to eachother to know we matter or at least that someone cares or knows how we feel. Here's to surviving the next ten years and not giving into that bullshit depression. I hope you guys find that thing that gives your life meaning. Stay strong, you got this shit!",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 ezl0rb,Triggers on dating aps,0,help-seeking,1,"I've been struggling with this strange a moral condundrum on dating aps after being triggered by profiles of a few guys that remind me of my rapist. The conundrum is that when I exclude a certain race to avoid being triggered, it feels inherently wrong (ie racist). But also, it feels like trying to avoid images of spiders for someone who is afraid of spiders. Both irrational fears. Should I try and expose myself to images that trigger me or avoid them altogether?",stoic_catlady,1,0,2,2020-02-06 02:11:50,rapecounseling,"I've been struggling with this strange a moral condundrum on dating aps after being triggered by profiles of a few guys that remind me of my rapist. The conundrum is that when I exclude a certain race to avoid being triggered, it feels inherently wrong (ie racist). But also, it feels like trying to avoid images of spiders for someone who is afraid of spiders. Both irrational fears. Should I try and expose myself to images that trigger me or avoid them altogether?",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eqb77e,Honesty,0,chitchat,1,"Hi I just left my regular Friday night meeting. When I speak at large meetings I don’t tend to get too specific about my personal life because I don’t think it’s appropriate. I tend to keep that stuff between my sponsor and I and my close friends. However during my share I mentioned some recent feelings of guilt and shame. After the meeting a guy came up to me and asked me if I wanted to tell him the source of the those feelings. So I got completely honest with him and we talked for almost half and hour. Holy cow I feel better. Unless you’re ax murdering children or a serial rapist or something seriously just get honest with another alcoholic about what’s going on in your life and mind. Working with others is truly my only medicine.",LostintheSauce229,1,0,3,2020-01-18 03:28:34,alcoholicsanonymous,Hi I just left my regular Friday night meeting. When I speak at large meetings I don’t tend to get too specific about my personal life because I don’t think it’s appropriate. I tend to keep that stuff between my sponsor and I and my close friends. However during my share I mentioned some recent feelings of guilt and shame. After the meeting a guy came up to me and asked me if I wanted to tell him the source of the those feelings. So I got completely honest with him and we talked for almost half and hour. Holy cow I feel better. Unless you’re ax murdering children or a serial rapist or something seriously just get honest with another alcoholic about what’s going on in your life and mind. Working with others is truly my only medicine.,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 f2l9hq,is this considered rape?,1b,help-seeking,2,"Hey guys. I've always wondering if I've been in the wrong for considered this ""rape"" or not and I've never talked to anyone about this and I just need to ease my mind. So my junior year of high school after a football game all of my cheerleader friends and I went to a party, I had a couple of drinks and was a bit tipsy. I had a crush on this football player and we would flirt with each other over text but would never hangout. So that night we were texting while at the same party and he asked if I wanted to come over after and cuddle with him. I was like yes!!!! so I told all of my friends he wanted to hangout with me, they dropped my off at his house, and he started to kiss and then he wanted to have sex, touching me and trying to take my clothes off and I kept saying ""no, I don't want to"" while trying to push him off. he kept saying yes and kept continuing, after saying no get off of me a good 20 times he was getting his way with me, so I just let him. after that, the same night I had my friends come pick me up again, I never said a peep. two weeks later my friend was dating his close friend, she begged me to come with her to his house to go swimming so I was like okay ill go. the guy who I slept with two weeks before was there. the guys were pushing drinks on us so we started drinking. I had one beer I was not tipsy drunk not anything. my friend and her boyfriend went into his bedroom... I was left with the guy I had slept with, he started kissing me and trying to hug and hold me and I yet again told him no I don't want to... he kept trying so I let him have sex with me again. please help me get my mind right about this. did he ""rape"" me the first time if I let him have sex with me again??? this was almost four years ago, he has a family now and is in the military.. I don't want him to get in trouble I just need to forget about this.",Carefulthinking21,1,0,13,2020-02-12 04:09:38,rapecounseling,"Hey guys. I've always wondering if I've been in the wrong for considered this ""rape"" or not and I've never talked to anyone about this and I just need to ease my mind. So my junior year of high school after a football game all of my cheerleader friends and I went to a party, I had a couple of drinks and was a bit tipsy. I had a crush on this football player and we would flirt with each other over text but would never hangout. So that night we were texting while at the same party and he asked if I wanted to come over after and cuddle with him. I was like yes!!!! so I told all of my friends he wanted to hangout with me, they dropped my off at his house, and he started to kiss and then he wanted to have sex, touching me and trying to take my clothes off and I kept saying ""no, I don't want to"" while trying to push him off. he kept saying yes and kept continuing, after saying no get off of me a good 20 times he was getting his way with me, so I just let him. after that, the same night I had my friends come pick me up again, I never said a peep. two weeks later my friend was dating his close friend, she begged me to come with her to his house to go swimming so I was like okay ill go. the guy who I slept with two weeks before was there. the guys were pushing drinks on us so we started drinking. I had one beer I was not tipsy drunk not anything. my friend and her boyfriend went into his bedroom... I was left with the guy I had slept with, he started kissing me and trying to hug and hold me and I yet again told him no I don't want to... he kept trying so I let him have sex with me again. please help me get my mind right about this. did he ""rape"" me the first time if I let him have sex with me again??? this was almost four years ago, he has a family now and is in the military.. I don't want him to get in trouble I just need to forget about this.",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,your crush's actions,,,,True,202 eiyy85,"Even the balloons couldn't lift his spirits. (Loei, Thailand)",0,chitchat,1,,SarcandIron,1,0,1,2020-01-02 14:35:20,sad,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ej149r,"My mom(57) and I(27) 15 yrs after leaving her narc hub that sexually abused me aswell. I had 2 other siblings that staid. Still heartbroken, shes says, ""at least I got *you* out"". To those who lost children or siblings to their Narcs, never give up",1b,chitchat,1,,ashhtreeee,1,0,1,2020-01-02 17:23:58,mentalillness,"My mom(57) and I(27) 15 yrs after leaving her narc hub that sexually abused me aswell. I had 2 other siblings that staid. Still heartbroken, shes says, ""at least I got you out"". To those who lost children or siblings to their Narcs, never give up nan",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,"positive,title",True,000 evzhyf,I need to help my best friend's GF (15F),1b,help-seeking,2,"So about three months ago my best friend (16M) got a new girlfriend (soon to be 15) and last night she told him that she's getting physically and emotionally abused by her mother and her dad who's in the military or something like that doesn't give a flip about what is happening. Her mother's mom died at 16. Her dad's mom is the only one in her family that's actually pretty cool with her. My friend can't take her in his house due to his strict mother but I've offered to take them in mine so they can at least get a bit of privacy. She told him a lot of horrible stuff about her past and current life but I'm not going to go into that, just going to call her mom less of a human being and more of an animal. Another problem is that she has a sister that's about ~7 years old and she's the one getting beaten up and yelled up for days if her sibling lies about something while her sibling doesn't have any domestic violence trouble related to it. We know that she's been beaten up since she was just a kid and all the abuse just increased with time, her mom would make her do stupid and gross things if she would cry. Last night specifically she laid on the floor while getting the belt so she wouldn't get bruises on her front parts and to make her mother stop quicker. The worst part of all of this is that she thinks what she's going through is normal and didn't try to seek out any help thinking that everyone was like her. After her escaping her mom what we're afraid of are possible suicide attempts, using drugs, getting STIs, start smoking and getting drunk, and generally trying to live the life she never had. Child protection services and foster care system in our country isn't quite great but is absolutely not terrible. I'll update and/or edit as I get more info, advice and as time goes on. Any advice or help will be greatly appreciated.",Banana-9,1,0,1,2020-01-30 04:11:14,domesticviolence,"I need to help my best friend's So about three months ago my best friend (16M) got a new girlfriend (soon to be 15) and last night she told him that she's getting physically and emotionally abused by her mother and her dad who's in the military or something like that doesn't give a flip about what is happening. Her mother's mom died at 16. Her dad's mom is the only one in her family that's actually pretty cool with her. My friend can't take her in his house due to his strict mother but I've offered to take them in mine so they can at least get a bit of privacy. She told him a lot of horrible stuff about her past and current life but I'm not going to go into that, just going to call her mom less of a human being and more of an animal. Another problem is that she has a sister that's about ~7 years old and she's the one getting beaten up and yelled up for days if her sibling lies about something while her sibling doesn't have any domestic violence trouble related to it. We know that she's been beaten up since she was just a kid and all the abuse just increased with time, her mom would make her do stupid and gross things if she would cry. Last night specifically she laid on the floor while getting the belt so she wouldn't get bruises on her front parts and to make her mother stop quicker. The worst part of all of this is that she thinks what she's going through is normal and didn't try to seek out any help thinking that everyone was like her. After her escaping her mom what we're afraid of are possible suicide attempts, using drugs, getting STIs, start smoking and getting drunk, and generally trying to live the life she never had. Child protection services and foster care system in our country isn't quite great but is absolutely not terrible. I'll update and/or edit as I get more info, advice and as time goes on. Any advice or help will be greatly appreciated.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eqtpjq,"Still getting triggered, but recovering quickly",1a,rant,2,"I find that I'm identifying my anger triggers more quickly now, and managing to get things under control more quickly. I got pissed off tonight on the way home because I was in the right lane going slowly, with 3 lanes empty to my left. (Right lane is slow lane in the US, for non-US people). Someone gets right on my ass and flashes their high beams at me, so I brake-checked them. Then I let it get me so worked up I took off at over 100 mph down the road. These behaviors aren't new. About 25 years ago someone ended up rear-ending me hard when I brake checked them, and I've been clocked at 107 mph and the officer was nice enough not to impound my car and give me a felony, and wrote the ticket for 100mph. Tonight's anger, I realized was stress over a woman that had come back into my life. Thinking somehow that I was better equipped to handle things with her, I decided to try to make a go at it again, but I knew that it was a bad idea and would only get me hurt. I ended up telling her that I made a bad judgment call, and we would be better parting ways. I feel a lot better already. I think that I have unhealthy motivations for things such as loneliness, and I end up in unhealthy situations to try to fix loneliness but then end up creating several other problems. Thanks for listening. I hope you all are doing well.",entitledpetulance,1,0,6,2020-01-19 08:15:35,Anger,"I find that I'm identifying my anger triggers more quickly now, and managing to get things under control more quickly. I got pissed off tonight on the way home because I was in the right lane going slowly, with 3 lanes empty to my left. (Right lane is slow lane in the US, for non-US people). Someone gets right on my ass and flashes their high beams at me, so I brake-checked them. Then I let it get me so worked up I took off at over 100 mph down the road. These behaviors aren't new. About 25 years ago someone ended up rear-ending me hard when I brake checked them, and I've been clocked at 107 mph and the officer was nice enough not to impound my car and give me a felony, and wrote the ticket for 100mph. Tonight's anger, I realized was stress over a woman that had come back into my life. Thinking somehow that I was better equipped to handle things with her, I decided to try to make a go at it again, but I knew that it was a bad idea and would only get me hurt. I ended up telling her that I made a bad judgment call, and we would be better parting ways. I feel a lot better already. I think that I have unhealthy motivations for things such as loneliness, and I end up in unhealthy situations to try to fix loneliness but then end up creating several other problems. Thanks for listening. I hope you all are doing well.",2,1,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel,What do you need help with now that X?,you are unable to fix the loneliness,,True,210 eif8i1,Questions around diagnosis and BPD in general,0,help-seeking,1,"I've been subscribed to the subreddit for a while but haven't posted at all and I have a few questions. I can relate to a lot of the things that people talk about in posts on this sub, but I have no formal diagnosis of any mental health issues or personality disorders. Are the majority of things brought up on this sub unique to people struggling with BPD? I'm also curious about people's process about being diagnosed in the first place and what you went through to do that. I am currently seeing a psychologist however he seems a little reluctant to formally diagnose me with anything.",natso2001,1,0,5,2020-01-01 06:40:59,BPD,"I've been subscribed to the subreddit for a while but haven't posted at all and I have a few questions. I can relate to a lot of the things that people talk about in posts on this sub, but I have no formal diagnosis of any mental health issues or personality disorders. Are the majority of things brought up on this sub unique to people struggling with BPD? I'm also curious about people's process about being diagnosed in the first place and what you went through to do that. I am currently seeing a psychologist however he seems a little reluctant to formally diagnose me with anything.",1,0,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,your symptoms,How did X make you feel?,your symptoms,,,,True,102 ei93tk,Who else is excited and looking forward to the day they die?,0,survey,1,"Just wondering, i couldn't be more excited.",makeeh,1,0,3,2019-12-31 21:27:18,depression,"Just wondering, i couldn't be more excited.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,suicidal,True,000 ei9rmu,i already hate 2020 and it hasnt even started,1a,rant,1,"2019 wasnt much of an eventful life for me. had 3 suicide attempts, quit school (once again, 3rd time i tried to get a high school degree) quit work, got into an ldr (which is really nice but i have bpd and it is so awful combined with ldr) and basically just trie dto exist through 2019 and now its going to be 2020 and the cycle will repeat once again. im so tried of all of this. im tired of drinking until i pass out, im tired of always waiting to see my beloved one.. idk man, sorry for this sad vent but this time isnt for me",kokedgy,1,0,3,2019-12-31 22:20:52,depression,"i already hate 2020 and it hasnt even started 2019 wasnt much of an eventful life for me. had 3 suicide attempts, quit school (once again, 3rd time i tried to get a high school degree) quit work, got into an ldr (which is really nice but i have bpd and it is so awful combined with ldr) and basically just trie dto exist through 2019 and now its going to be 2020 and the cycle will repeat once again. im so tried of all of this. im tired of drinking until i pass out, im tired of always waiting to see my beloved one.. idk man, sorry for this sad vent but this time isnt for me",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel the cycle will repeat in 2020,"suicidal,title",True,220 eidqef,Thoughts and reminders -new to this whole thing,0,help-seeking,1,"Hi all Thoughts , just bombarding me at times , mostly seeming to be negative against me , Bringing up old memories it’s like part of my mentality is attacking me and I need to know how to redirect them. Any thing you have tried I’d be open to hear about as I need take steps to build myself back up after demolishing myself confidence from some poor decisions in life.",cdoubleu1987,1,0,2,2020-01-01 04:07:59,ADHD,"Hi all Thoughts , just bombarding me at times , mostly seeming to be negative against me , Bringing up old memories it’s like part of my mentality is attacking me. I need to know how to redirect them. Any thing you have tried I’d be open to hear about as I need take steps to build myself back up after demolishing myself confidence from some poor decisions in life.",1,0,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,the thoughts that are bombarding you,How did X make you feel?,the bombardment of thoughts,,,,True,102 eioy9t,"Ending the year cutting, starting the year cutting",0,rant,1,"I went a good week without doing it, my arm was starting to heal. I just can't take the abuse anymore. It's the only way for me to cope with it. It makes me feel better. It feels like this is what I deserve.",margot___tenenbaum,1,0,0,2020-01-01 22:37:55,selfharm,"I went a good week without doing it, my arm was starting to heal. I just can't take the abuse anymore. It's the only way for me to cope with it. It makes me feel better. It feels like this is what I deserve.",1,1,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,the abuse you are facing,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how did the abuse,What do you need help with now that X?,you can't handle the abuse anymore,,True,110 em4tmn,Ibogaine treatment tomorrow after 10 year habit,0,help-seeking,1,"Hey! I've tried everything in my recovery and have been trying for years to put together a substantial amount of clean time. I've gotten close to a year once and months here and there but always get pulled back to doing heroin. I recently came into a little amount of money and instead of using it to keep running I decided to check my self into an ibogaine clinic in Cancun because I'm so tired and fed up with California rehabs/ detoxes. I'm hoping this treatment will help but I'm incredibly nervous about tomorrow and was looking for some support. I've been following this sub for months and it's helped me make the decision to put myself into this radical treatment. Any support welcome. Love and support to everyone trying to get off this disgusting junk.",bishopwatts,1,0,25,2020-01-09 04:49:33,OpiatesRecovery,Hey! I've tried everything in my recovery and have been trying for years to put together a substantial amount of clean time. I've gotten close to a year once and months here and there but always get pulled back to doing heroin. I recently came into a little amount of money and instead of using it to keep running I decided to check my self into an ibogaine clinic in Cancun because I'm so tired and fed up with California rehabs/ detoxes. I'm hoping this treatment will help but I'm incredibly nervous about tomorrow and was looking for some support. I've been following this sub for months and it's helped me make the decision to put myself into this radical treatment. Any support welcome. Love and support to everyone trying to get off this disgusting junk.,2,1,1,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you are feeling about the treatment,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you calm down,,True,211 eu6nds,Do you need help with motivation?,0,help-seeking,1,"Visit [https://www.schoolyourbrain.com/new-cover-page](https://www.schoolyourbrain.com/new-cover-page) Here is a blog with free resources: [https://www.schoolyourbrain.com/motivation101](https://www.schoolyourbrain.com/motivation101)",L1feLongLearner,1,0,0,2020-01-26 13:24:33,selfhelp,Visit [https://www.schoolyourbrain.com/new-cover-page](https://www.schoolyourbrain.com/new-cover-page) Here is a blog with free resources: [https://www.schoolyourbrain.com/motivation101](https://www.schoolyourbrain.com/motivation101),0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 eugaz0,Can't control myself and acknowledging I have a problem,0,rant,1,"About 2 weeks now I've been extremely depressed and very very irritated. I snap at every annoyance and afterwards I'm like fuck. Right before something happens I tell myself to calm the fuck down and I'm usually successful but this past 2 weeks it's like I'm a new person and in a bad way. I feel psychotic and not right in the head. I'm filled with so much anger for no reason and feel like killing someone. In the state I'm in right now I don't trust myself to be around people. Just 10 mins ago I yelled at my mom because she was slightly annoyed about something. The weirdest thing is that I have moments of calmness then I remember something that annoyed me then go 0-100 real quick. Not even 3 hours later it's like nothing happened and I'm optimistic about life and shit then get depressed if I remember something else. Want to make an appointment with a doctor but I leave the country in 2 days and come back like next month. TLDR; I think I've gone insane",Tr3Way_fu,1,0,4,2020-01-27 01:03:25,Anger,About 2 weeks now I've been extremely depressed and very very irritated. I snap at every annoyance and afterwards I'm like fuck. Right before something happens I tell myself to calm the fuck down and I'm usually successful but this past 2 weeks it's like I'm a new person and in a bad way. I feel psychotic and not right in the head. I'm filled with so much anger for no reason and feel like killing someone. In the state I'm in right now I don't trust myself to be around people. Just 10 mins ago I yelled at my mom because she was slightly annoyed about something. The weirdest thing is that I have moments of calmness then I remember something that annoyed me then go 0-100 real quick. Not even 3 hours later it's like nothing happened and I'm optimistic about life and shit then get depressed if I remember something else. Want to make an appointment with a doctor but I leave the country in 2 days and come back like next month. TLDR; I think I've gone insane,2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are unable to control your anger,,True,220 ek73v2,"Do you have close relatives that could actually help you but you can't have normal convos with them, let alone reaching for help??",1b,help-seeking,1,"My dad, my siblings(all adults) are like heroes for pretty much everyone they meet. People see them as saviors, people who give great advice and counsel, and they go around helping bringing comfort to everyone. While I'm here, feeling like they're total strangers to me. I am unable to reach out to them, and it's not like they try to reach me back. Every time I try to talk they're like ""Oh you'll get over it when you grow up"". 24 years and I've come to believe that not even my own family gives a f about me and my feelings. Honestly, if my hope was 100% on them, I would have given up on life years ago. hbu?",brittleflowers,2,0,0,2020-01-05 03:08:21,socialanxiety,"My dad, my siblings(all adults) are like heroes for pretty much everyone they meet. People see them as saviors, people who give great advice and counsel, and they go around helping bringing comfort to everyone. While I'm here, feeling like they're total strangers to me. I am unable to reach out to them, and it's not like they try to reach me back. Every time I try to talk they're like ""Oh you'll get over it when you grow up"". 24 years and I've come to believe that not even my own family gives a f about me and my feelings. Honestly, if my hope was 100% on them, I would have given up on life years ago. hbu?",1,1,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you feel your family are strangers to you,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how being with your family makes you feel,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel your family doesn't care about you,,True,110 ek4b7c,Had a traumatic childhood and not sure if I have ptsd?,0,help-seeking,1,"As the title says, I had a very traumatic childhood due an abusive father that was alcoholic and every day my house would become a battlefield that I felt I had to survive to. This happened almost daily until I was 16 that I left that house to never see him again. I'm 26 now and I have very vivid images of the memories I have from back then, even from when I was a little girl, I can remember it like a picture. I don't have flashbacks per se but I can get stuck remembering the same moment for a bit. I also tend to have vivid dreams and sometimes have nightmares where my dad is the protagonist and wake up crying. Any insight on it would help loads as I always tend to brush it off, my family and friends don't really understand it and it can be difficult to talk about it. I do not want to be diagnosed but I've been dealing with it for so long that I downplay it constantly, just keen ears and opinions will be really appreciated.",Cacarosa,2,0,12,2020-01-04 23:21:40,ptsd,"As the title says, I had a very traumatic childhood due an abusive father that was alcoholic and every day my house would become a battlefield that I felt I had to survive to. This happened almost daily until I was 16 that I left that house to never see him again. I'm 26 now and I have very vivid images of the memories I have from back then, even from when I was a little girl, I can remember it like a picture. I don't have flashbacks per se but I can get stuck remembering the same moment for a bit. I also tend to have vivid dreams and sometimes have nightmares where my dad is the protagonist and wake up crying. Any insight on it would help loads as I always tend to brush it off, my family and friends don't really understand it and it can be difficult to talk about it. I do not want to be diagnosed but I've been dealing with it for so long that I downplay it constantly, just keen ears and opinions will be really appreciated.",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,the vivid dreams of your traumatic childhood,,,,True,202 eif3x6,Outshining the SA monster,1a,survey,2,"I've felt as if I've come a long way in dealing with social anxiety, although I still have my moments of being shy or socially awkward, I've accepted it's just a part of who I am. Currently 24 years old and I've been on 100 mg zoloft for the most of the year. I've been diagnosed with moderate anxiety and mild depression. I wish I could do therapy as well but unfortunately it's not in the funds. I just wanted to share my story in how I haven't had any social anxiety attacks in some time and that I wasnt fully aware that that's what I was having . I remember as a teenager in middle school being afraid to cough in front of the class for fear of everyone looking at me. When I turned 18 and got a job at a gas station, it helped with social skills and also having friends helped . Although , I remember a few times feeling panicked, face turning red , and heart palpitations and just having to remember to breathe and that it will pass. This would happen whenever there was slight conflict with customers or just when I wouldnt know what to say . I had no idea this was considered an anxiety attack and isn't just ""normal"" for everyone depending on the circumstances. I thought I was just easily embarrased. Anyways I've noticed a change in my anxiety where I only get shy or embarrassed in appropriate settings whereas before I would become anxious in settings other people would just brush off. Anyone else ever experience a social anxiety attack and what was the situation?",knicole_sadboi,1,0,0,2020-01-01 06:26:21,socialanxiety,"I've felt as if I've come a long way in dealing with social anxiety, although I still have my moments of being shy or socially awkward, I've accepted it's just a part of who I am. Currently 24 years old and I've been on 100 mg zoloft for the most of the year. I've been diagnosed with moderate anxiety and mild depression. I wish I could do therapy as well but unfortunately it's not in the funds. I just wanted to share my story in how I haven't had any social anxiety attacks in some time and that I wasnt fully aware that that's what I was having . I remember as a teenager in middle school being afraid to cough in front of the class for fear of everyone looking at me. When I turned 18 and got a job at a gas station, it helped with social skills and also having friends helped . Although , I remember a few times feeling panicked, face turning red , and heart palpitations and just having to remember to breathe and that it will pass. This would happen whenever there was slight conflict with customers or just when I wouldnt know what to say . I had no idea this was considered an anxiety attack and isn't just ""normal"" for everyone depending on the circumstances. I thought I was just easily embarrased. Anyways I've noticed a change in my anxiety where I only get shy or embarrassed in appropriate settings whereas before I would become anxious in settings other people would just brush off. Anyone else ever experience a social anxiety attack and what was the situation?",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 eio3ru,Stopped cutting but now I bang my head on hard surfaces,1a,rant,1,During this winter break I’ve had three instances when I’ve been so filled with hysteric emotion that I’ve banged my head on the floor/wall. Now I have a huge bruise on my forehead and I’m so embarrassed and anxious to go back to school. I hate that place.,stanicmanic,1,0,0,2020-01-01 21:30:04,selfharm,During this winter break I’ve had three instances when I’ve been so filled with hysteric emotion that I’ve banged my head on the floor/wall. Now I have a huge bruise on my forehead and I’m so embarrassed and anxious to go back to school. I hate that place.,1,2,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,the three instances which made you hysterical,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel embarrassed to go back to school,,True,120 eoxpo2,Prozac making me numb in all ways,1a,rant,1,"I have been taking 10 mg Prozac since July 2019. I met a man recently and decided to get off prozac since it messes with my sex drive. Ever since being off of it I feel no emotions and have such a dry personality and I feel so bad for him. It’s like lose lose either way, taking it or not. I don’t know what to do",gooberdog69,1,0,6,2020-01-15 04:56:35,mentalillness,"I have been taking 10 mg Prozac since July 2019. I met a man recently and decided to get off prozac since it messes with my sex drive. Ever since being off of it I feel no emotions and have such a dry personality and I feel so bad for him. It’s like lose lose either way, taking it or not. I don’t know what to do",2,1,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how not taking prozac makes you feel,What do you need help with now that X?,not taking prozac makes you emotionless,,True,210 ekky7t,"""This is valuable practice""",0,chitchat,4,You need to learn how to tolerate the duress through practice.,Teh-Voice-of-Reason,1,0,3,2020-01-05 23:28:09,addiction,You need to learn how to tolerate the duress through practice.,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ekrfu8,Appearing uninterested to cope up,1b,rant,1,"Reflecting on myself, sometimes when I'm not an anxious mess or having a good day. I intentionally pretend not to care about the world around me to cope up with social anxiety. Like I'm afraid to make connections with people. When the office is having a banter like finding someone to represent the team in a dance showdown. Logically unless people are jerks they would choose someone who is good at this or their friend rather than someone who is not a close colleague. I become quiet and stoic as possible to avoid being ""selected"" and legitly hope they forget about me. When asked about personal questions I either answer one liners or think up the most cliche and generic answer but still true to me.",WhySoQuiet36,1,0,4,2020-01-06 08:49:00,socialanxiety,"Reflecting on myself, sometimes when I'm not an anxious mess or having a good day. I intentionally pretend not to care about the world around me to cope up with social anxiety. Like I'm afraid to make connections with people. When the office is having a banter like finding someone to represent the team in a dance showdown. Logically unless people are jerks they would choose someone who is good at this or their friend rather than someone who is not a close colleague. I become quiet and stoic as possible to avoid being ""selected"" and legitly hope they forget about me. When asked about personal questions I either answer one liners or think up the most cliche and generic answer but still true to me.",2,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,your anxiety,What do you need help with now that X?,you are afraid to interact with people,,True,200 fei04o,I secretly don’t want my antidepressant medication to work,0,survey,1,"Why? Because if it does work, then I have to leave my depressed self behind. I’m so used to being depressed, it’s really comforting. Not talking to anyone for weeks, not leaving the house for weeks, not eating any food, staying up late every night, not doing self-care things like showering, brushing teeth, etc. Honestly I don’t want to get better, I want to stay depressed if that makes sense. Anyone else relate?",ease330,1,0,7,2020-03-06 18:43:15,getting_over_it,"I secretly don’t want my antidepressant medication to work Why? Because if it does work, then I have to leave my depressed self behind. I’m so used to being depressed, it’s really comforting. Not talking to anyone for weeks, not leaving the house for weeks, not eating any food, staying up late every night, not doing self-care things like showering, brushing teeth, etc. Honestly I don’t want to get better, I want to stay depressed if that makes sense. Anyone else relate?",1,1,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,depression,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how not being depressed makes you feel,,,,True,112 eitl87,Should I quit my job?,1a,help-seeking,2,"TLDR: I moved country to be happier but my job is giving me intense anxiety. Should I find a new job? So I'm in need of some advice. I moved to Australia over two years ago now and before that I was always just a really nervous person. When I moved I became so much more chilled and overall much more happy. I started College studying film and business, met an awesom group of friends, met my girlfriend who is amazing etc. A few months ago months ago I got a job as a waitress in a busy resteraunt, the pay is amazing and the hours work really well around my college times. However, something about this job is giving me an insufferable amount of nervousness and anxiety. So much so that I throw up every day before work. I've suffered anxiety in the past and it's never been like this before. My doctor couldn't do anything but give me supplements and I can't really afford counselling. I'd hate to give up my job but I also didn't move to a new country to feel this shit all the time. Has anyone been in this situation before and have any advice. Should I look for a new job?",MeloCityChaos,1,0,2,2020-01-02 04:55:27,Anxiety,"TLDR: I moved country to be happier but my job is giving me intense anxiety. Should I find a new job? So I'm in need of some advice. I moved to Australia over two years ago now and before that I was always just a really nervous person. When I moved I became so much more chilled and overall much more happy. I started College studying film and business, met an awesom group of friends, met my girlfriend who is amazing etc. A few months ago months ago I got a job as a waitress in a busy resteraunt, the pay is amazing and the hours work really well around my college times. However, something about this job is giving me an insufferable amount of nervousness and anxiety. So much so that I throw up every day before work. I've suffered anxiety in the past and it's never been like this before. My doctor couldn't do anything but give me supplements and I can't really afford counselling. I'd hate to give up my job but I also didn't move to a new country to feel this shit all the time. Has anyone been in this situation before and have any advice. Should I look for a new job?",2,1,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how the anxiety makes you feel,,,,True,212 ejelc0,Not being able to cut deeply?,1a,rant,1,"Hi this is my first post, I'm new here today. I've been self harming for about 5 years now, almost 6. I go in and out phases where I have an urge to cut that interrupts quite a few things and I can't think straight. But when I cut, I've never done it deep enough that it draws lots of blood. The ones I do are always rather light and when I try to put pressure on the blade, nothing happens. It's like I'm not strong enough physically to do it. I'm not saying I'd like to cut deeper, but I just find it weird that considering how used I am to it I can't really do it any deeper? Sorry for the small wall of text, thanks for reading.",Sieregii,6,0,2,2020-01-03 12:09:54,selfharm,"Hi this is my first post, I'm new here today. I've been self harming for about 5 years now, almost 6. I go in and out phases where I have an urge to cut that interrupts quite a few things and I can't think straight. But when I cut, I've never done it deep enough that it draws lots of blood. The ones I do are always rather light and when I try to put pressure on the blade, nothing happens. It's like I'm not strong enough physically to do it. I'm not saying I'd like to cut deeper, but I just find it weird that considering how used I am to it I can't really do it any deeper? Sorry for the small wall of text, thanks for reading.",1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you do self harm,How did X make you feel?,self harm,What do you need help with now that X?,you have phases in which you have urges to cut,,True,100 ev2e7v,I've been living with unattended trauma for the past 6 years,1a,rant,2,"Six years ago, I had a friend whom I had a crush on. We were both 16. He knew I liked him and he took advantage of that. I didn't want him to touch me but I let him because I thought he would like me back. I was so naive and unlearned. I blame myself for it because now the question of consent is in a grey area. I said no at first but then I would say yes. I wouldn't want it but my body loved it. And I let this go on for months. I had no one to confide in for the past six years because I was scared being ridiculed by my peers. I couldn't trust my family. I had no money or time for a therapist. I was all alone. Now I'm 21, still reminded of him at least a few times a month. He comes to me in my dreams and I wake up longing for his touch when I know it's wrong. I hate him yet I want him. I have a boyfriend who loves and cares for me now but he just doesn't understand this weird internal struggle I'm going through. My trauma is ruining my relationship like it has my other relationships. With my ridiculous rape kink and craving for toxic men that developed six years ago.",sickmonkey98,1,0,2,2020-01-28 07:34:13,rapecounseling,"Six years ago, I had a friend whom I had a crush on. We were both 16. He knew I liked him and he took advantage of that. I didn't want him to touch me but I let him because I thought he would like me back. I was so naive and unlearned. I blame myself for it because now the question of consent is in a grey area. I said no at first but then I would say yes. I wouldn't want it but my body loved it. And I let this go on for months. I had no one to confide in for the past six years because I was scared being ridiculed by my peers. I couldn't trust my family. I had no money or time for a therapist. I was all alone. Now I'm 21, still reminded of him at least a few times a month. He comes to me in my dreams and I wake up longing for his touch when I know it's wrong. I hate him yet I want him. I have a boyfriend who loves and cares for me now but he just doesn't understand this weird internal struggle I'm going through. My trauma is ruining my relationship like it has my other relationships. With my ridiculous rape kink and craving for toxic men that developed six years ago.",2,1,0,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how he coming in your dreams make you feel,What do you need help with now that X?,your trauma is ruining your relationship,,True,210 ekvs1q,I feel like everyone are miles ahead and its impossible to me,1a,help-seeking,1,Is it really worth fighting for anything when you keep disappointing everyone?,Midnight_CoffeeBreak,1,0,0,2020-01-06 15:44:27,socialanxiety,I feel like everyone are miles ahead and its impossible to me. Is it really worth fighting for anything when you keep disappointing everyone?,0,2,2,What made you feel X ?,that everyone is miles ahead of you,,,,,,True,022 eiikv3,Thankful for small things.,0,chitchat,1,"I texted my former FP Happy New Year. She responded in kind. That tells me that she didn't block me, and she doesn't hate me. And now I'm ok with how things turned out.",TheNarrMaster,1,0,0,2020-01-01 13:57:50,BPD,"I texted my former FP Happy New Year. She responded in kind. That tells me that she didn't block me, and she doesn't hate me. And now I'm ok with how things turned out.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ep6cxc,"Experience, strength and hope!",0,chitchat,2,"Two nights ago I got engaged to the woman I love most in this world! I’m posting this here for a few reasons. Back in the beginning of 2015 if you would of told me I would be working a full time job mon-fri. I would of called you a liar If you would of told me my mother would trust me again and come to ME for advice, I would of laughed at you. If you would of told me I’d be debt free, fully support myself and never miss a payment of a bill I’d of told you no, that’ll never be me. If you would of told me that by 2020 I’d join a community of loving friends and mentors who only want the best for me, I’d finally figure out how to stop jamming needles in my arms and that I would get down on one knee and ask the woman who I love more than anyone in this world to spend her life with me. I would of told you to stop giving me hope, I’m going to die like a junkie. But you guys did not lie to me. I did exactly what you asked me to do when you asked me to do it. And I made mistakes, plenty of mistakes. But I was honest and you guys picked me back up dusted me off and told me to try again. So here I sit, with over 4 years sober, crying while I write this. I write this to let the universe know how grateful I am to AA, and in the hopes that someone reads this and thinks “maybe.... just maybe if this spiritually broken, run down junkie can do it, maybe I can too”. I love everyone of you and wish the best for you on this journey. This thing works if you fully give yourself to it.",sober_stillcrazy,1,0,11,2020-01-15 18:42:43,alcoholicsanonymous,"Two nights ago I got engaged to the woman I love most in this world! I’m posting this here for a few reasons. Back in the beginning of 2015 if you would of told me I would be working a full time job mon-fri. I would of called you a liar If you would of told me my mother would trust me again and come to ME for advice, I would of laughed at you. If you would of told me I’d be debt free, fully support myself and never miss a payment of a bill I’d of told you no, that’ll never be me. If you would of told me that by 2020 I’d join a community of loving friends and mentors who only want the best for me, I’d finally figure out how to stop jamming needles in my arms and that I would get down on one knee and ask the woman who I love more than anyone in this world to spend her life with me. I would of told you to stop giving me hope, I’m going to die like a junkie. But you guys did not lie to me. I did exactly what you asked me to do when you asked me to do it. And I made mistakes, plenty of mistakes. But I was honest and you guys picked me back up dusted me off and told me to try again. So here I sit, with over 4 years sober, crying while I write this. I write this to let the universe know how grateful I am to AA, and in the hopes that someone reads this and thinks “maybe.... just maybe if this spiritually broken, run down junkie can do it, maybe I can too”. I love everyone of you and wish the best for you on this journey. This thing works if you fully give yourself to it.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 ejjhil,Stopping Drinking creates Questions,1b,rant,2,"I am in the process of renewing my life insurance. My last drink with alcohol was 19 months ago. My last cigarette was 16 months ago. I find it funny that when you quit smoking, people praise you. But when you quit drinking alcohol, people want to know why. I have had to fill out 2 additional suppliimental questionaires for the life insurance inquiring why I quit drinking. They dont ask why I changed my smoking habits, but they do ask ""Why do you change your drinking habits"". They don't ask if I ever had employment, financial or family issue about stopping smoking, but they do about the alcohol. They don't ask questions if your ever consulted a physician, receive treatment or advise or been hospitalized because of cigarettes - which I have for my smoking but not my drinking which they are asking about. They don't ask if I attend any self-help groups about quitting smoking, but they do specifically ask if I attend Alcoholics Anonymous. Why isn't stopping drinking alcohol not praised as much as quitting smoking? Why does this insurance company's questionaires make me feel like it is such an unusual event that something must be wrong with me? I know my friends in AA give praise all the time, but people outside of AA just don't understand. I have found out that my life has received many benefits by not having that drink today.",Zorphia11,6,0,31,2020-01-03 18:30:43,alcoholicsanonymous,"I am in the process of renewing my life insurance. My last drink with alcohol was 19 months ago. My last cigarette was 16 months ago. I find it funny that when you quit smoking, people praise you. But when you quit drinking alcohol, people want to know why. I have had to fill out 2 additional suppliimental questionaires for the life insurance inquiring why I quit drinking. They dont ask why I changed my smoking habits, but they do ask ""Why do you change your drinking habits"". They don't ask if I ever had employment, financial or family issue about stopping smoking, but they do about the alcohol. They don't ask questions if your ever consulted a physician, receive treatment or advise or been hospitalized because of cigarettes - which I have for my smoking but not my drinking which they are asking about. They don't ask if I attend any self-help groups about quitting smoking, but they do specifically ask if I attend Alcoholics Anonymous. Why isn't stopping drinking alcohol not praised as much as quitting smoking? Why does this insurance company's questionaires make me feel like it is such an unusual event that something must be wrong with me? I know my friends in AA give praise all the time, but people outside of AA just don't understand. I have found out that my life has received many benefits by not having that drink today.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 emasli,Would like to know where the 5 suggestions are in the literature- please help a new guy out.,0,help-seeking,1,Thanks in advance.,mikeydisco,1,0,24,2020-01-09 15:02:40,alcoholicsanonymous,Would like to know where the 5 suggestions are in the literature- please help a new guy out. Thanks in advance.,0,0,2,What happened that you want X ?,you want the 5 suggestions in the literature,Why are you wanting X ?,the 5 suggestions in the literature,,,,True,002 ej8l0e,Therapy 2.0,0,help-seeking,1,"Different cities means new environment, new stressors, new therapist. I have a fear of being judged, tho I know honesty (in theory) will help me manage my PTSD. Any tips to help my anxiety?",ahomslice,3,0,1,2020-01-03 02:19:37,ptsd,"Different cities means new environment, new stressors, new therapist. I have a fear of being judged, tho I know honesty (in theory) will help me manage my PTSD. Any tips to help my anxiety?",1,1,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,your anxiety,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how the judgements make you feel,,,,True,112 ej1vmz,Teenager feeling overwhelmed by addctions [Help?],1a,help-seeking,3,"So, I've been dealing with these addictions for the past 4 years. Started them around 13, and I'm now 17, soon to be 18. Some of the worst things I was addicted to was MDMA, snorting pills, and Alcohol. Nothing crazy, but nothing minor like caffeine. After getting rid of the ""harder"" drugs from my life, I'm now overwhelmed by these 4 main addictions that seem to keep me enslaved to my depression, anxiety, and lethargy in life. I'm a highly ambitious and motivated individual, but these 4 things really chain me down from my full potential and cause me so much stress, unhappiness, and lack of motivation. These 4 things are weed, nicotine, caffeine, and porn. I've been on and off with quitting these things, picking them back up, quitting again, you get the loop. I've went through periods were I've abstained from some, or all of these things for a month. But I always seem to relapse on one thing, then the another, then I'm back into a full-blown loop of these addictions. Drink coffee to brush away the fogginess and tiredness brought about by weed. Hit nicotine to deal with my anxiety and mood swings. Smoke weed to brush away the anxiety and over-stimulation brought on by the caffeine; and to brush away the boredom I experience with life. Then watch porn to relax and take my mind elsewhere than my mental issues. Wake up the next morning, and do it all again. I hate this loop I'm stuck in, but for the last 4 years I can't seem to escape the loop. I am consistently involved in support groups for my addictions here on reddit, but I always struggle at staying on my path. It's so hard to quit one thing, because all my addictions trigger me to want to use the other drug. If I get rid of weed, I can't sleep at night because of the nicotine and caffeine. If I get rid of nicotine or caffeine, then I can't barely get through the day because the weed has me slumped all day. I don't know where to start, and how to tackle my addictions one at a time. Could somebody please help me find a way to get on my path and stick to it? I want to be completely sober and away from these things, as I recognize I have problems with them. Any advice would help, please! Thank you for reading my post and have a great day:)",Spirit_Zay,3,0,4,2020-01-02 18:18:45,addiction,"So, I've been dealing with these addictions for the past 4 years. Started them around 13, and I'm now 17, soon to be 18. Some of the worst things I was addicted to was MDMA, snorting pills, and Alcohol. Nothing crazy, but nothing minor like caffeine. After getting rid of the ""harder"" drugs from my life, I'm now overwhelmed by these 4 main addictions that seem to keep me enslaved to my depression, anxiety, and lethargy in life. I'm a highly ambitious and motivated individual, but these 4 things really chain me down from my full potential and cause me so much stress, unhappiness, and lack of motivation. These 4 things are weed, nicotine, caffeine, and porn. I've been on and off with quitting these things, picking them back up, quitting again, you get the loop. I've went through periods were I've abstained from some, or all of these things for a month. But I always seem to relapse on one thing, then the another, then I'm back into a full-blown loop of these addictions. Drink coffee to brush away the fogginess and tiredness brought about by weed. Hit nicotine to deal with my anxiety and mood swings. Smoke weed to brush away the anxiety and over-stimulation brought on by the caffeine; and to brush away the boredom I experience with life. Then watch porn to relax and take my mind elsewhere than my mental issues. Wake up the next morning, and do it all again. I hate this loop I'm stuck in, but for the last 4 years I can't seem to escape the loop. I am consistently involved in support groups for my addictions here on reddit, but I always struggle at staying on my path. It's so hard to quit one thing, because all my addictions trigger me to want to use the other drug. If I get rid of weed, I can't sleep at night because of the nicotine and caffeine. If I get rid of nicotine or caffeine, then I can't barely get through the day because the weed has me slumped all day. I don't know where to start, and how to tackle my addictions one at a time. Could somebody please help me find a way to get on my path and stick to it? I want to be completely sober and away from these things, as I recognize I have problems with them. Any advice would help, please! Thank you for reading my post and have a great day:)",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 eyrj05,BF hurt himself when angry - one time thing?,1b,help-seeking,2,"We've been together for a while, and early on we asked how each of us reacts in fights, and he was very honest with me and said that he would never ever hit someone, but it had happened a couple of times before when he was extremely frustrated in an endless fight with his family that he resorted to hitting himself. I didn't think anything of it at the time, because I have family problems myself that caused me to self harm at some point. Without going into much detail- he is living with a very abusive person right now, Let's call them M. (trying to move but it's hard for many reasons). M emotionally abuses him all the time. He keeps ignoring and taking all the hurt until it blows up, he gets angry, yells back, and hits himself, the worst it got before this was banging his head. Last time though- he hurt himself with a knife. It didn't end up being serious, but still. He is going to talk to a psychologist, and that he will do his best for this to never happen (without me asking), but he told me that if I am going to be with him I have to accept that it's possible this is something that is a part of him and he might be unable to change it. Now, I know him to be a very mellow person, we both are, and we've gotten in arguments but it barely ever reaches to someone's voice even being raised, I've also seen him get angry with multiple other people and he is always so in control of himself, I'm convinced that it is because of the situation he is in that this is happening. But do you think this is something I really should consider as a stable trait if I am thinking about the long term? If this would be a consistent ongoing thing I am not sure I can handle it so I don't know if I should just assume the worst.. TLDR: BF hurt himself seriously once in an extremely stressful situation, and says this might be just how he reacts - is this 'normal'?",adviceseekerlol,1,0,5,2020-02-04 15:19:24,Anger,"We've been together for a while, and early on we asked how each of us reacts in fights, and he was very honest with me and said that he would never ever hit someone, but it had happened a couple of times before when he was extremely frustrated in an endless fight with his family that he resorted to hitting himself. I didn't think anything of it at the time, because I have family problems myself that caused me to self harm at some point. Without going into much detail- he is living with a very abusive person right now, Let's call them M. (trying to move but it's hard for many reasons). M emotionally abuses him all the time. He keeps ignoring and taking all the hurt until it blows up, he gets angry, yells back, and hits himself, the worst it got before this was banging his head. Last time though- he hurt himself with a knife. It didn't end up being serious, but still. He is going to talk to a psychologist, and that he will do his best for this to never happen (without me asking), but he told me that if I am going to be with him I have to accept that it's possible this is something that is a part of him and he might be unable to change it. Now, I know him to be a very mellow person, we both are, and we've gotten in arguments but it barely ever reaches to someone's voice even being raised, I've also seen him get angry with multiple other people and he is always so in control of himself, I'm convinced that it is because of the situation he is in that this is happening. But do you think this is something I really should consider as a stable trait if I am thinking about the long term? If this would be a consistent ongoing thing I am not sure I can handle it so I don't know if I should just assume the worst.. TLDR: BF hurt himself seriously once in an extremely stressful situation, and says this might be just how he reacts - is this 'normal'?",2,0,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,your boyfriend's hitting himself,,,,True,202 ejandy,DAE feel very aware of their disorder and yet so unable to control it?,0,survey,1,I know many people in particular my dad who have personality disorders he has NPD. Many of them just seem to act out but never feel ashamed or guilty of their actions. It’s like Michael Scott from the office he never even knows he’s being cringey. I constantly will act a certain way and then when I’m normal again I just cringe at the way I acted and am extremely ashamed. It’s like I have a logical me that can see everything for what it is and judge but then there’s this uncontrollable monster in me that acts out and I just struggle to stop it.,shadynasty_reynolds,303,0,119,2020-01-03 05:07:41,BPD,I know many people in particular my dad who have personality disorders he has NPD. Many of them just seem to act out but never feel ashamed or guilty of their actions. It’s like Michael Scott from the office he never even knows he’s being cringey. I constantly will act a certain way and then when I’m normal again I just cringe at the way I acted and am extremely ashamed. It’s like I have a logical me that can see everything for what it is and judge but then there’s this uncontrollable monster in me that acts out and I just struggle to stop it.,2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel ashamed about how you act a certain way,,True,220 eijjsn,ADHD: A Snapshot,1a,rant,3,"# Frantic The fifth alarm of the morning rings in my ears. It's fairly light out, even for December. Time!? What time's it? I search for my phone in a sudden panic, finding it squished between the wall and my mattress. I click the button on its back. Nothing. I meant to charge it last night, but things happen. I dash to the kitchen, throwing on one of the plaid button-ups I'd left on one of the kitchen chairs several days ago. I put on the same pair of pants I've worn for the past four days. I note that someone at work will notice, that it'll make me look dirty, not put together. A tinge of guilt, a bit of concern, but mostly apathy. I washed them the day before, after all. Keys, Wallet. Luckily for me, I've got beepers on my keys and wallet. All I've got to do to find them in the morning is open an app on my phone, press a button, and they make sound. They’re literally impossible to lose, thank god. I take my phone out of my pocket, clicking the power button. The screen stays blank. Phone's dead, of course it is, why wouldn't it be? My eyes shoot up to the kitchen countertop, scanning it for my keys. I spy them hidden in the bottles and plates I've stored there for the past week, and I stuff them into my pocket. My wallet's likely in my work pants, which I took off before bed. I head to my room, tossing the clothes strewn on the floor in a frantic effort to find my chocolate-brown kakis, I grab an abnormally-heavy pair of sweatpants. Sweatpants. Wallet. I grab the wallet from my sweatpants, realizing with a smile that I'm already wearing my workpants. I make a mental note to tell my girlfriend later that day. I open the door, heading out to my car. I freeze. ID. I'd forgotten my ID the day before. I run around the house, searching for the ID. I've found the temporary ID the security guard gave me yesterday, but I need the actual freaking ID. I refuse to forget my ID for the fourth time in a month. I eventually find it stuffed in my bedside cabinet, underneath an empty amazon box and a glass hedgehog my Mom gave me as a housewarming gift. I must've put it there while cleaning at 1AM the night before. &#x200B; # History It takes some time for me to start working. Three cups of coffee. Waiting for my meds to kick in. I took them over the span of a few red lights while commuting. If I remember that I've got to do something, I try to do it, right then and there. If I don't, there's a good chance it won't get done. I'm still adjusting to the medication. While my current meds are from a doctor who I'd heard was ADHD-friendly, I'd first managed to get them my senior year of college from the university psychiatrist. Fortunately, the appointment was free; at the time, I'd been without insurance for two months, and had yet to complete my application for state-sponsored insurance. It took three months for the psych to see me. Not too bad of a wait time for psychiatrist standards. He was an older man, probably in his 60s. White tufts of hair sprout from the sides of his bald head, He's wearing a half-tucked-in checkered-blue shirt and jeans without a belt. We sit, me on a couch, him on a chair. We get talking. He seemed friendly enough, but I'm fidgety, and feel a bit hot, and the chair's uncomfortable so I shift, and sit, and shift. He asked me about why I was there, so I explained my life. I told him of my countless forgotten homeworks, of my terrible memory, of my simultaneous apathy and anxiety towards homework and deadlines and calling family and really anything that wasn't all too interesting, and even some things that were. I told him of my drinking ""solution"". I knew it was a problem, but it didn't feel like one. Drinking a few beers each night stopped the constant mental chatter, and the restless boredom, and the anxiety, and it felt pretty good, too. He asked me why my grades were still decent, if I was having all of these problems. I explained how I finish everything at the final hour, and that somehow, it doesn't end up half-bad. And also, my grades weren't half decent, actually; they were all-or-nothing, because some classes I'd passed with flying colors, while others were a shitshow from the start. It's been like that since my middle-school gifted program. He asked me if I had been officially diagnosed. I hadn't. Honestly, I was afraid they'd tell me nothing was wrong with me, and that made sense. After all, it didn't feel like anything was wrong with me. It felt like I was wrong. He gave me a screening test. Of the 40 points required to have ""a significant likelihood of ADHD"", I scored 60. I walked out of the university psychiatrist's office with a prescription for Ritalin. I'm surprised; it's frequently abused on campus. I'd seen it myself-- coworkers and friends alike have asked me for medication I didn't have. My parents had warned me about stimulants like Ritalin; they'd refused to give it to me out of fear I'd get addicted. When I went to fill the prescription, the pharmacist must've felt the same way; she let me know, apologetically, that she needed a written letter from my psych. Another pharmacist turned me down before I found a local pharmacy willing to hand me my medication. The pharmacist turning me down, well, it bothers me. What did I do wrong? Was it my eye contact, my unkempt hair, or my unwashed clothes? I never did find out, but it must've been something. I make a mental note to talk about it with my girlfriend, after she gets back from work. Work. I drag my focus back to work. It takes quite some time to get started. After an hour of reddit, software blogs, and organizing my daily priorities, I started my day. Three hours later, I began writing this post. The medication, for better or worse, helps me focus on what I want to work on, and on that particular day, writing seemed irresistible. I make a mental note to talk about it with my therapist. # Trust It's strange, not being able to trust yourself. Remembering a task from a few hours ago, only to realize it's a memory from last week. Constantly monitoring your conversations, making sure you're not cutting anyone off or rambling aimlessly. Getting lost in thought in the middle of a task. Losing the same things over and over again, resulting in a cascade of problems you don't care enough to solve. It's enough to make you worry, especially when it comes to important things. The worrying keeps you alert, but it only grows and grows as mistakes are made, until you become too worried, too anxious to actually start anything. And this worries you too, but you don't know what to do, but still, you do nothing until the deadline approaches, whether it be from school, work, or a social event. Then, it's there. The do-or-die moment looms over you… and suddenly, miraculously, you spring into a whirlwind of action. It's like you’re a different person. The person you've always dreamed of being. Sometimes, you're just in time, and everything's alright. Other times, you begin to realize how truly you've fucked yourself, and you simply give up. When it's all said and done, you commit to changes that never seem to stick, habits that decay after a promising few weeks. Your panic-induced progress gives you confidence, and that confidence makes your problems less of a concern. So, you give yourself a break because honestly, you don't care as much as you did a few weeks ago, and you're doing fine, and suddenly that special hell you've meticulously crafted for yourself starts anew. Each and every time, this vicious cycle reinforces your worry, reinforces that the only way to get anything done is to wait for the anxiety to reach its peak, for the deadline to loom over your neck like the steel blade of a guillotine before you stumble upon the willpower to pull your neck out. This repeats. It repeats and repeats, over and over again until you muster enough hope and cash and rage and tears to find an affordable therapist which believes that your medical condition actually exists, or you outright kill yourself with shots of vodka, shots to the head, binge eating, the works. Pick your poison. Of those choices, alcohol's my preference. I can always change later, right? People need a sense of agency, a sense that they can trust themselves, that they are in control of some meaningful portion of their life, no matter how small it may be. Of all the things ADHD robs from me, this is the greatest. Every single day, I face a reality where I can't trust my thoughts, my feelings, my decisions, and I must find the strength to remember what I can control. But I can't even remember my fucking keys. How, exactly, am I supposed to learn my course material? How can I hope to do my job? How can I be a decent boyfriend? The answer, I think, is to try my best. As long as I know I tried my best, despite my ADHD, I can sleep at night. Well, mostly. If I'm tired enough, at least. I try to talk to people about my problems. People I trust. They seem to relate, perhaps a little too well for comfort. Everyone forgets things, after all. Everyone has things they don't want to do. Everyone gets nervous, has worries, feels bad after rejection. Everyone feels helpless sometimes, so what, exactly is my excuse? What is it that I'm not doing? What is it that everyone else has figured out? What am I doing wrong? # Silver Linings I've gotten in the habit of ending things on positive notes. Spinning the twists and turns of ADHD into empowering strengths. It helps give me agency. Feeling like I have agency makes my life easier. There are some advantages to ADHD, few though they may be. Sometimes, I can focus on a task for hours without end. ""Hyperfocusing"", it's called, or as normal people know it, ""focusing"". My wandering thought process enables creativity. Turns out that when you wander through ten thoughts every two seconds, you stumble upon some interesting ones. My complete intolerance for boredom has led me to be an engineer, which might not have happened if I'd been able to deal with boredom for the sake of doing something easier. My inherent messiness has given me a trial-by-fire on effective organization techniques, both for cleaning and for organizing ideas. I always feel lost, and this has bred in me the confidence to be lost, to find my way when there's no direction to be had. It's a rare skill, and one that's managed to get me the software engineering job I have today. I take great pride in these strengths. I have to. If I didn't, what, exactly, would I have to think of myself? That I'm mentally ill? I refuse to feel helpless, to feel ill, to feel out of control. I work hard to make sure I’m in control, that I’m accepting what I can and cannot change, that I’m not being too hard on myself. It's exhausting. My therapist tells me that ADHD can be managed quite well compared to other mental illnesses, but it is ultimately incurable. Exhausted or not, I will deal with this until I die. I'll probably pass this baton onto my kids, just as it's been passed on to me. But I will use my strength to deal with these obstacles, as I have before. It's just… exhausting. I'm getting a cup of coffee. Afterwards, I’ll finish up this article. I'm sure I'll come up with something.",squigleywrites,1,0,1,2020-01-01 15:36:51,ADHD,"# Frantic The fifth alarm of the morning rings in my ears. It's fairly light out, even for December. Time!? What time's it? I search for my phone in a sudden panic, finding it squished between the wall and my mattress. I click the button on its back. Nothing. I meant to charge it last night, but things happen. I dash to the kitchen, throwing on one of the plaid button-ups I'd left on one of the kitchen chairs several days ago. I put on the same pair of pants I've worn for the past four days. I note that someone at work will notice, that it'll make me look dirty, not put together. A tinge of guilt, a bit of concern, but mostly apathy. I washed them the day before, after all. Keys, Wallet. Luckily for me, I've got beepers on my keys and wallet. All I've got to do to find them in the morning is open an app on my phone, press a button, and they make sound. They’re literally impossible to lose, thank god. I take my phone out of my pocket, clicking the power button. The screen stays blank. Phone's dead, of course it is, why wouldn't it be? My eyes shoot up to the kitchen countertop, scanning it for my keys. I spy them hidden in the bottles and plates I've stored there for the past week, and I stuff them into my pocket. My wallet's likely in my work pants, which I took off before bed. I head to my room, tossing the clothes strewn on the floor in a frantic effort to find my chocolate-brown kakis, I grab an abnormally-heavy pair of sweatpants. Sweatpants. Wallet. I grab the wallet from my sweatpants, realizing with a smile that I'm already wearing my workpants. I make a mental note to tell my girlfriend later that day. I open the door, heading out to my car. I freeze. ID. I'd forgotten my ID the day before. I run around the house, searching for the ID. I've found the temporary ID the security guard gave me yesterday, but I need the actual freaking ID. I refuse to forget my ID for the fourth time in a month. I eventually find it stuffed in my bedside cabinet, underneath an empty amazon box and a glass hedgehog my Mom gave me as a housewarming gift. I must've put it there while cleaning at 1AM the night before. &#x200B; # History It takes some time for me to start working. Three cups of coffee. Waiting for my meds to kick in. I took them over the span of a few red lights while commuting. If I remember that I've got to do something, I try to do it, right then and there. If I don't, there's a good chance it won't get done. I'm still adjusting to the medication. While my current meds are from a doctor who I'd heard was ADHD-friendly, I'd first managed to get them my senior year of college from the university psychiatrist. Fortunately, the appointment was free; at the time, I'd been without insurance for two months, and had yet to complete my application for state-sponsored insurance. It took three months for the psych to see me. Not too bad of a wait time for psychiatrist standards. He was an older man, probably in his 60s. White tufts of hair sprout from the sides of his bald head, He's wearing a half-tucked-in checkered-blue shirt and jeans without a belt. We sit, me on a couch, him on a chair. We get talking. He seemed friendly enough, but I'm fidgety, and feel a bit hot, and the chair's uncomfortable so I shift, and sit, and shift. He asked me about why I was there, so I explained my life. I told him of my countless forgotten homeworks, of my terrible memory, of my simultaneous apathy and anxiety towards homework and deadlines and calling family and really anything that wasn't all too interesting, and even some things that were. I told him of my drinking ""solution"". I knew it was a problem, but it didn't feel like one. Drinking a few beers each night stopped the constant mental chatter, and the restless boredom, and the anxiety, and it felt pretty good, too. He asked me why my grades were still decent, if I was having all of these problems. I explained how I finish everything at the final hour, and that somehow, it doesn't end up half-bad. And also, my grades weren't half decent, actually; they were all-or-nothing, because some classes I'd passed with flying colors, while others were a shitshow from the start. It's been like that since my middle-school gifted program. He asked me if I had been officially diagnosed. I hadn't. Honestly, I was afraid they'd tell me nothing was wrong with me, and that made sense. After all, it didn't feel like anything was wrong with me. It felt like I was wrong. He gave me a screening test. Of the 40 points required to have ""a significant likelihood of ADHD"", I scored 60. I walked out of the university psychiatrist's office with a prescription for Ritalin. I'm surprised; it's frequently abused on campus. I'd seen it myself-- coworkers and friends alike have asked me for medication I didn't have. My parents had warned me about stimulants like Ritalin; they'd refused to give it to me out of fear I'd get addicted. When I went to fill the prescription, the pharmacist must've felt the same way; she let me know, apologetically, that she needed a written letter from my psych. Another pharmacist turned me down before I found a local pharmacy willing to hand me my medication. The pharmacist turning me down, well, it bothers me. What did I do wrong? Was it my eye contact, my unkempt hair, or my unwashed clothes? I never did find out, but it must've been something. I make a mental note to talk about it with my girlfriend, after she gets back from work. Work. I drag my focus back to work. It takes quite some time to get started. After an hour of reddit, software blogs, and organizing my daily priorities, I started my day. Three hours later, I began writing this post. The medication, for better or worse, helps me focus on what I want to work on, and on that particular day, writing seemed irresistible. I make a mental note to talk about it with my therapist. # Trust It's strange, not being able to trust yourself. Remembering a task from a few hours ago, only to realize it's a memory from last week. Constantly monitoring your conversations, making sure you're not cutting anyone off or rambling aimlessly. Getting lost in thought in the middle of a task. Losing the same things over and over again, resulting in a cascade of problems you don't care enough to solve. It's enough to make you worry, especially when it comes to important things. The worrying keeps you alert, but it only grows and grows as mistakes are made, until you become too worried, too anxious to actually start anything. And this worries you too, but you don't know what to do, but still, you do nothing until the deadline approaches, whether it be from school, work, or a social event. Then, it's there. The do-or-die moment looms over you… and suddenly, miraculously, you spring into a whirlwind of action. It's like you’re a different person. The person you've always dreamed of being. Sometimes, you're just in time, and everything's alright. Other times, you begin to realize how truly you've fucked yourself, and you simply give up. When it's all said and done, you commit to changes that never seem to stick, habits that decay after a promising few weeks. Your panic-induced progress gives you confidence, and that confidence makes your problems less of a concern. So, you give yourself a break because honestly, you don't care as much as you did a few weeks ago, and you're doing fine, and suddenly that special hell you've meticulously crafted for yourself starts anew. Each and every time, this vicious cycle reinforces your worry, reinforces that the only way to get anything done is to wait for the anxiety to reach its peak, for the deadline to loom over your neck like the steel blade of a guillotine before you stumble upon the willpower to pull your neck out. This repeats. It repeats and repeats, over and over again until you muster enough hope and cash and rage and tears to find an affordable therapist which believes that your medical condition actually exists, or you outright kill yourself with shots of vodka, shots to the head, binge eating, the works. Pick your poison. Of those choices, alcohol's my preference. I can always change later, right? People need a sense of agency, a sense that they can trust themselves, that they are in control of some meaningful portion of their life, no matter how small it may be. Of all the things ADHD robs from me, this is the greatest. Every single day, I face a reality where I can't trust my thoughts, my feelings, my decisions, and I must find the strength to remember what I can control. But I can't even remember my fucking keys. How, exactly, am I supposed to learn my course material? How can I hope to do my job? How can I be a decent boyfriend? The answer, I think, is to try my best. As long as I know I tried my best, despite my ADHD, I can sleep at night. Well, mostly. If I'm tired enough, at least. I try to talk to people about my problems. People I trust. They seem to relate, perhaps a little too well for comfort. Everyone forgets things, after all. Everyone has things they don't want to do. Everyone gets nervous, has worries, feels bad after rejection. Everyone feels helpless sometimes, so what, exactly is my excuse? What is it that I'm not doing? What is it that everyone else has figured out? What am I doing wrong? # Silver Linings I've gotten in the habit of ending things on positive notes. Spinning the twists and turns of ADHD into empowering strengths. It helps give me agency. Feeling like I have agency makes my life easier. There are some advantages to ADHD, few though they may be. Sometimes, I can focus on a task for hours without end. ""Hyperfocusing"", it's called, or as normal people know it, ""focusing"". My wandering thought process enables creativity. Turns out that when you wander through ten thoughts every two seconds, you stumble upon some interesting ones. My complete intolerance for boredom has led me to be an engineer, which might not have happened if I'd been able to deal with boredom for the sake of doing something easier. My inherent messiness has given me a trial-by-fire on effective organization techniques, both for cleaning and for organizing ideas. I always feel lost, and this has bred in me the confidence to be lost, to find my way when there's no direction to be had. It's a rare skill, and one that's managed to get me the software engineering job I have today. I take great pride in these strengths. I have to. If I didn't, what, exactly, would I have to think of myself? That I'm mentally ill? I refuse to feel helpless, to feel ill, to feel out of control. I work hard to make sure I’m in control, that I’m accepting what I can and cannot change, that I’m not being too hard on myself. It's exhausting. My therapist tells me that ADHD can be managed quite well compared to other mental illnesses, but it is ultimately incurable. Exhausted or not, I will deal with this until I die. I'll probably pass this baton onto my kids, just as it's been passed on to me. But I will use my strength to deal with these obstacles, as I have before. It's just… exhausting. I'm getting a cup of coffee. Afterwards, I’ll finish up this article. I'm sure I'll come up with something.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eiy001,Partial Hospitalization Program,1a,help-seeking,1,"Hey all. Cross posted from r/mentalhealth - hoping to get more responses here! Has anyone here done a partial hospitalization for anxiety/depression? I have GAD and depression. I have been receiving treatment from a psychiatrist and a counselor for about 8 months. I haven't had luck with finding a medication that works for my anxiety. My new counselor is great (and specializes in CBT), but I sometimes wonder if I need more support. I still have severe anxiety nearly every day which impairs my ability to function normally. I cry nearly every day including at work, I sometimes self harm, my appetite fluctuates wildly and I sometimes lose weight unintentionally, I self medicate with alcohol. My symptoms have been this severe for at least a year, probably closer to two years. And I have had anxiety and depression for about 8 years. If you do a PHP, can you still work? How does that all work? Are such programs beneficial for anxiety? I plan to discuss this with my counselor but was hoping to get some insight here. Thanks!",throwitaway7133,1,0,2,2020-01-02 13:05:14,Anxiety,"Hey all. Cross posted from r/mentalhealth - hoping to get more responses here! Has anyone here done a partial hospitalization for anxiety/depression? I have GAD and depression. I have been receiving treatment from a psychiatrist and a counselor for about 8 months. I haven't had luck with finding a medication that works for my anxiety. My new counselor is great (and specializes in CBT), but I sometimes wonder if I need more support. I still have severe anxiety nearly every day which impairs my ability to function normally. I cry nearly every day including at work, I sometimes self harm, my appetite fluctuates wildly and I sometimes lose weight unintentionally, I self medicate with alcohol. My symptoms have been this severe for at least a year, probably closer to two years. And I have had anxiety and depression for about 8 years. If you do a PHP, can you still work? How does that all work? Are such programs beneficial for anxiety? I plan to discuss this with my counselor but was hoping to get some insight here. Thanks!",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 eiswnu,"Probably got plenty of these right around holidays like new year's n such, but here goes...",1a,rant,2,"I'm just fucking...sad. I've been cooped up in my house for the past week, as I'm on spring break, but I can't go anywhere or do anything. I spent a bit of time at my cousin's house,and with one of my friends, and that was fun. But the happiness is fleeting. So, for the past week and a half, I've had next to nothing to do. And then, about an hour ago, I got a Snapchat notification. My close friends all came together without me to celebrate new year's. I'll be honest, I've never really been one to get invited to things. I don't really expect that people automatically put me on their invite list. But this year is the first I've ever been inside a friend group with people who seem to..like..enjoy my presence. I've even made breakfast for 'em. So everything just hurts, I guess. Anyway, that's my contribution, I suppose. I hope at least a couple of you read this and respond. I need human interaction outside of my mother and siblings, desperately.",Biggie_Moose,1,0,1,2020-01-02 03:54:33,sad,"I'm just fucking...sad. I've been cooped up in my house for the past week, as I'm on spring break, but I can't go anywhere or do anything. I spent a bit of time at my cousin's house,and with one of my friends, and that was fun. But the happiness is fleeting. So, for the past week and a half, I've had next to nothing to do. And then, about an hour ago, I got a Snapchat notification. My close friends all came together without me to celebrate new year's. I'll be honest, I've never really been one to get invited to things. I don't really expect that people automatically put me on their invite list. But this year is the first I've ever been inside a friend group with people who seem to..like..enjoy my presence. I've even made breakfast for 'em. So everything just hurts, I guess. Anyway, that's my contribution, I suppose. I hope at least a couple of you read this and respond. I need human interaction outside of my mother and siblings, desperately.",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 eiryay,My best friend doesn’t give a shit,1b,help-seeking,1,He doesn’t know I sh but I finally had the guts to tell him I’m not feeling ok mentally and he just laughed and made some joke. Does he even notice it was a cry for help?!,justanothersadgirlx,1,0,3,2020-01-02 02:35:41,selfharm,My best friend doesn’t give a shit He doesn’t know I sh but I finally had the guts to tell him I’m not feeling ok mentally and he just laughed and made some joke. Does he even notice it was a cry for help?!,1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,your mental health,How did X make you feel?,your best friend's ignorance,What do you need help with now that X?,your best friend ignored your deteriorating mental health,,True,100 eiw8w9,pls help i don’t wanna die,1a,help-seeking,1,"is taking five aspirin ok?? like,, ik it’s not lethal but my stomach is kinda really sensitive to medicine,,, i just downed five pills of aspirin and i’m feeling woozy, my tum hurts,, i’m not trying to do anything dangerous but like, i’ve taken three or four tabs of aspirin before bed and felt slightly wonky and i wanna feel weird as heck and just vibe with it. i just wanna make sure i’m not gonna vomit everywhere,,, even tho i’d kinda be ok with that tbh,, but ew barf am i gonna be good?",saddolls,1,0,2,2020-01-02 09:42:14,sad,"is taking five aspirin ok?? like,, ik it’s not lethal but my stomach is kinda really sensitive to medicine,,, i just downed five pills of aspirin and i’m feeling woozy, my tum hurts,, i’m not trying to do anything dangerous but like, i’ve taken three or four tabs of aspirin before bed and felt slightly wonky and i wanna feel weird as heck and just vibe with it. i just wanna make sure i’m not gonna vomit everywhere,,, even tho i’d kinda be ok with that tbh,, but ew barf am i gonna be good?",1,2,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you took so much aspirin,,,,,,True,122 f127om,Adrenaline rush and shaking with anger from WhatsApp conversion.,1b,rant,2,"I'm a manager in a call centre. A member of my team was dismissed for stealing from the company. He was straight up about the whole thing. Acknowledged his mistake, said he was stupid. accepted that he was going to get fired thanked us for not contacting the police. Honestly never had trouble with him in the 2 years he was in my team. Would never say a bad word about him. A member of my team, older lady, found out why he was dismissed and at 2am decided that she was going to call him all the names she could think of in a group chat I set up to talk to the team outside of work with a few of his closer friends and call me out for saying he was a gentleman. I was getting ready for bed at this stage so I try to calm things down but half the team has already seen it and an argument is underway. Lots of mean words and dragging up old rumours. I try to talk sense into her but she just starts with personal attacks against me. I advise it I can put her back in the chat tomorrow when she comes to her senses and remove her. The problem is that I have so many things I want to call her on. There is an argument I am dying to have but I didn't because its part of my job to be the voice of reason in order to protect team harmony. So now I'm lying here unable to sleep because I have the adrenaline shot as of I was in a physical fight and I'm shaking with anger. Fuck I hate this feeling.",Half-blind-bear,1,0,5,2020-02-09 02:36:31,Anger,"I'm a manager in a call centre. A member of my team was dismissed for stealing from the company. He was straight up about the whole thing. Acknowledged his mistake, said he was stupid. accepted that he was going to get fired thanked us for not contacting the police. Honestly never had trouble with him in the 2 years he was in my team. Would never say a bad word about him. A member of my team, older lady, found out why he was dismissed and at 2am decided that she was going to call him all the names she could think of in a group chat I set up to talk to the team outside of work with a few of his closer friends and call me out for saying he was a gentleman. I was getting ready for bed at this stage so I try to calm things down but half the team has already seen it and an argument is underway. Lots of mean words and dragging up old rumours. I try to talk sense into her but she just starts with personal attacks against me. I advise it I can put her back in the chat tomorrow when she comes to her senses and remove her. The problem is that I have so many things I want to call her on. There is an argument I am dying to have but I didn't because its part of my job to be the voice of reason in order to protect team harmony. So now I'm lying here unable to sleep because I have the adrenaline shot as of I was in a physical fight and I'm shaking with anger. Fuck I hate this feeling.",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,the old lady's personal comments made you angry,,True,220 eim6v7,"Happy New Year! I'm hungover as shit and sensitive to light and sounds, would taking adderall today be a bad idea? If my brains hypersensitive rn idk if it'd calm me back down or make me more hypersensitive and hyperactive",0,help-seeking,2,What do you think,ajdctx12,1,0,2,2020-01-01 19:07:16,ADHD,Happy New Year! I'm hungover as shit and sensitive to light and sounds. would taking adderall today be a bad idea? If my brains hypersensitive rn idk if it'd calm me back down or make me more hypersensitive and hyperactive What do you think,2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,being hungover,,,,True,202 ei9hyl,I want to change,1a,help-seeking,1,"I wasted four years of my life. Every year is the same. At the beginning, I either hope or doubt a good year. Doubt leads to a bad year. Hope leads to an even worse year. I can't get out of this slump. I knew dark times were ahead of me but I thought it would just be a phase that'd be over in a year. It never did. I wasted my high school years and now college is approaching fast. I have these thoughts all the time without changing. But how do you even change? I mean, I want to become a whole new person. Reborn. Nobody will recognize me for who I am now.",PersonaTheGuise,1,0,1,2019-12-31 21:59:13,getting_over_it,"I wasted four years of my life. Every year is the same. At the beginning, I either hope or doubt a good year. Doubt leads to a bad year. Hope leads to an even worse year. I can't get out of this slump. I knew dark times were ahead of me but I thought it would just be a phase that'd be over in a year. It never did. I wasted my high school years and now college is approaching fast. I have these thoughts all the time without changing. But how do you even change? I mean, I want to become a whole new person. Reborn. Nobody will recognize me for who I am now.",1,1,1,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you feel like you wasted four years,Can you elaborate more on X ?,this slump you are currently experiencing?,Can you elaborate more on X ?,your desire to be reborn and transform yourself,,True,111 ej0942,did anyone elses parent also think you're lying when you say you have adhd,0,survey,1,despite my psychologist already saying that I have attention deficit they still think I'm just being lazy because I can focus on games and stuff and that's why I don't even have a proper diagnosis,isasbel,1,0,4,2020-01-02 16:20:06,ADHD,did anyone elses parent also think you're lying when you say you have adhd despite my psychologist already saying that I have attention deficit they still think I'm just being lazy because I can focus on games and stuff and that's why I don't even have a proper diagnosis,2,0,0,,,,,,,,True,200 el6dj6,"This is my cat Luna. She was only three years old. Now she’s gone. One day, we accidentally left the door open and she got out. We have been looking for her for a couple of days now, but we can’t find her. I didn’t know where to say this so I’ll post it here. I just wanted to make a small tribute.",0,chitchat,1,,idk-what-to-put-lol6,1,0,3,2020-01-07 04:36:38,sad,"This is my cat Luna. She was only three years old. Now she’s gone. One day, we accidentally left the door open and she got out. We have been looking for her for a couple of days now, but we can’t find her. I didn’t know where to say this so I’ll post it here. I just wanted to make a small tribute. nan",2,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,the cat leaving the home,What do you need help with now that X?,your cat left the home,,True,200 eibqja,The soul sucking lack of motivation after opiate addiction.,1a,survey,1,44 year old male.does anyone ever get their energy back???? Zest for life? Anything????,phenibutbackfired,1,0,10,2020-01-01 00:59:25,OpiatesRecovery,The soul sucking lack of motivation after opiate addiction. 44 year old male.does anyone ever get their energy back???? Zest for life? Anything????,1,0,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,your opiate addiction,How did X make you feel?,your opiate addiction,,,title,True,102 emyglh,What fuels you to be sober?,0,help-seeking,1,"What’s making you want to work towards sobriety, and what is that one driving force for keeping you sober?",Dannixfresh,1,0,12,2020-01-10 22:37:36,OpiatesRecovery,"What’s making you want to work towards sobriety, and what is that one driving force for keeping you sober?",0,0,2,What happened that you want X ?,to work towards sobriety,Why are you wanting X ?,tips for being sober,,,,True,002 ej832d,Thinking about going through the steps again,1a,rant,1,"So almost 4 years ago I had my last drink. More specifically on the 24th of Jan 2016. I went through the big book and the 12 steps with two different sponsors. Over the last 5 months or so I have been questioning myself if I was completely honest the first time I began getting sober. Did I really give myself to my higher power. Did i really make amends. I am not an extrovert. I do not open up easily and share easily, though I do participate regularly at my meeting s (if that makes any sense). I'm not close with anyone in any of my meeting groups who has as much sobriety or more soberly that I feel comfortable going to. I guess I am just putting this out there to help me find guidance. TIA for allowing my rant",crookedfun1124,2,0,10,2020-01-03 01:41:04,alcoholicsanonymous,"So almost 4 years ago I had my last drink. More specifically on the 24th of Jan 2016. I went through the big book and the 12 steps with two different sponsors. Over the last 5 months or so I have been questioning myself if I was completely honest the first time I began getting sober. Did I really give myself to my higher power. Did i really make amends. I am not an extrovert. I do not open up easily and share easily, though I do participate regularly at my meeting s (if that makes any sense). I'm not close with anyone in any of my meeting groups who has as much sobriety or more soberly that I feel comfortable going to. I guess I am just putting this out there to help me find guidance. TIA for allowing my rant",2,0,1,,,How did X make you feel?,staying sober,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you engage more in the meetings,,True,201 ely38q,Has anyone ever meet someone who doesn't get withdrawal from opiates,0,survey,1,,ramiz314,1,0,2,2020-01-08 20:10:36,OpiatesRecovery,Has anyone ever meet someone who doesn't get withdrawal from opiates nan,0,0,2,What happened that you want X ?,someone who doesn't get withdrawls,Why are you wanting X ?,someone who doesn't get withdrawls,,,,True,002 eza53w,Male sports concussions vs. female domestic violence concussions,1b,chitchat,1,"I want to know why men in sports have a movie made and social media support for their concussions, when they have doctors on standby at all times, are paid millions of dollars a year, are playing against others their own size. All the while, women in a domestic violence situation, who don’t have access to doctors, who’s money is being controlled by their abuser, who’s abuser is twice their size, get completely ignored? Why does society accept this horrific double standard? What has to happen for society to become realistic about this situation?",rlhurd2017,1,0,4,2020-02-05 14:13:53,domesticviolence,"I want to know why men in sports have a movie made and social media support for their concussions, when they have doctors on standby at all times, are paid millions of dollars a year, are playing against others their own size. All the while, women in a domestic violence situation, who don’t have access to doctors, who’s money is being controlled by their abuser, who’s abuser is twice their size, get completely ignored? Why does society accept this horrific double standard? What has to happen for society to become realistic about this situation?",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ej1lub,(NSFW) I think I'm becoming agoraphobic,1b,help-seeking,2,"My PTSD stems from repeated sexual abuse from different abusers starting at a young age (6) and parental & caregiver abuse/neglect. I had SEVERE androphobia (fear of men). I feel like I had worked very hard and mostly gotten over it, until I started working a ""legit"" job. Holy moly. Literally every other (sleazy!) guy at work hits on me, in predatory ways, and it triggers me into panic/flight. (I mean predatory like, they only approach me when nobody is around, find me on social media when I don't tell them my name, harass me verbally. They discuss sexual acts with me when I tell them I'm not interested. When people are around, they act like it never happened and I'm crazy/making it up. Then continue to harass me privately and at unexpected times.) I'm becoming afraid to go anywhere. I'm scared to do anything outside of my house. And what's worse, if I report them, I'm the one who gets in trouble. Not them. They lie and say I'm making it up. Then my bosses bully and punish me because they think I'm trouble. I've even been harassed as a teen by college professors, like who does that? How am I supposed to go to college if I'm afraid the professor will try to touch me again? I was harassed at church by a creepy pastor, I'm not making this up. I luckily had witnesses to the pastor and the professor, so I know I'm not overreacting. I think I'm just plagued to attract the attention of awful people. I have 2 dogs, one I raised when I was in HS and he took on a guardian-like role to stop my parents from beating us both. He creates a barrier between me and anyone I don't ""ok"", including other dogs or cats. (I can also revoke the consent and he will separate them from me. I can even revoke consent for him to be near me, and he will willingly separate me from my other dog if I so wish. Imagine: a DOG understands consent better than the vast majority of men I've met.) The other dog I raised when I was being essentially held hostage in my house for 2 yrs, and he took on the role of emotional/mental service, like helping stop panic attacks or breakdowns. Both dogs stop me from self injuring or strange repetitive behaviors. I honestly do not feel safe going anywhere without my dogs anymore. When I'm out, all I want to do is go home and get my dogs. I know it's bad to be so dependent, but I feel so vulnerable without them. What in the world do I do? I can't just bring my 2 dogs everywhere with me and claim ""service"" and not get fired from my job. But at the same time, the constant stress from my job is now making me very ill. (I literally got pneumonia and almost died from self-neglect and fever! Great little hospital bill I've gotten for Christmas.) As for the next step, I'm looking into different jobs that I'd maybe be able to bring my dogs, but my health issues clash with almost every job that I imagine I'd be allowed to bring a service animal. (For example, a desk job would be difficult because I have a lower spine injury that makes it painful to sit. I can lay, and I can stand, but sitting hurts after too long. I'm more in the market for physical labor, music & arts, animal care, those are my strengths.) It's really putting me down... I'm really starting to feel like there's no hope, everywhere is just dangerous and the world is no place for me. Every experience just validates the feeling... This was really just a vent, to sort of put my thoughts together to help me think it out, but advice is more than welcome. It's not like I've got any ideas, lol.",dougdimmado,11,0,9,2020-01-02 17:59:15,ptsd,"My PTSD stems from repeated sexual abuse from different abusers starting at a young age (6) and parental & caregiver abuse/neglect. I had SEVERE androphobia (fear of men). I feel like I had worked very hard and mostly gotten over it, until I started working a ""legit"" job. Holy moly. Literally every other (sleazy!) guy at work hits on me, in predatory ways, and it triggers me into panic/flight. (I mean predatory like, they only approach me when nobody is around, find me on social media when I don't tell them my name, harass me verbally. They discuss sexual acts with me when I tell them I'm not interested. When people are around, they act like it never happened and I'm crazy/making it up. Then continue to harass me privately and at unexpected times.) I'm becoming afraid to go anywhere. I'm scared to do anything outside of my house. And what's worse, if I report them, I'm the one who gets in trouble. Not them. They lie and say I'm making it up. Then my bosses bully and punish me because they think I'm trouble. I've even been harassed as a teen by college professors, like who does that? How am I supposed to go to college if I'm afraid the professor will try to touch me again? I was harassed at church by a creepy pastor, I'm not making this up. I luckily had witnesses to the pastor and the professor, so I know I'm not overreacting. I think I'm just plagued to attract the attention of awful people. I have 2 dogs, one I raised when I was in HS and he took on a guardian-like role to stop my parents from beating us both. He creates a barrier between me and anyone I don't ""ok"", including other dogs or cats. (I can also revoke the consent and he will separate them from me. I can even revoke consent for him to be near me, and he will willingly separate me from my other dog if I so wish. Imagine: a DOG understands consent better than the vast majority of men I've met.) The other dog I raised when I was being essentially held hostage in my house for 2 yrs, and he took on the role of emotional/mental service, like helping stop panic attacks or breakdowns. Both dogs stop me from self injuring or strange repetitive behaviors. I honestly do not feel safe going anywhere without my dogs anymore. When I'm out, all I want to do is go home and get my dogs. I know it's bad to be so dependent, but I feel so vulnerable without them. What in the world do I do? I can't just bring my 2 dogs everywhere with me and claim ""service"" and not get fired from my job. But at the same time, the constant stress from my job is now making me very ill. (I literally got pneumonia and almost died from self-neglect and fever! Great little hospital bill I've gotten for Christmas.) As for the next step, I'm looking into different jobs that I'd maybe be able to bring my dogs, but my health issues clash with almost every job that I imagine I'd be allowed to bring a service animal. (For example, a desk job would be difficult because I have a lower spine injury that makes it painful to sit. I can lay, and I can stand, but sitting hurts after too long. I'm more in the market for physical labor, music & arts, animal care, those are my strengths.) It's really putting me down... I'm really starting to feel like there's no hope, everywhere is just dangerous and the world is no place for me. Every experience just validates the feeling... This was really just a vent, to sort of put my thoughts together to help me think it out, but advice is more than welcome. It's not like I've got any ideas, lol.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eklhy4,Nice guys finish last isnt that how it goes,0,rant,1,,adamslife98,1,0,1,2020-01-06 00:08:22,sad,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eia7wm,My boyfriend doesn’t know what to do during my dissociation periods,1a,help-seeking,1,"When i dissociate, feel lost and depressed while i’m with my boyfriend he tells me he really wants to help me but doesn’t know how to do it correctly or what to say. I can see that my dark mood affects him and i feel so guilty and feel even worse for making him feel hopeless and it turns into a drowning cycle. Now i don’t even want to show my sadness because it always comes with a sense of shame and guilt. But i know it’s not a long-term solution. What do you guys do/ how do you feel when your loved ones want to help you but don’t know what to do?",clooudey,1,0,3,2019-12-31 22:57:18,BPD,"My boyfriend doesn’t know what to do during my dissociation periods When i dissociate, feel lost and depressed while i’m with my boyfriend he tells me he really wants to help me but doesn’t know how to do it correctly or what to say. I can see that my dark mood affects him and i feel so guilty and feel even worse for making him feel hopeless and it turns into a drowning cycle. Now i don’t even want to show my sadness because it always comes with a sense of shame and guilt. But i know it’s not a long-term solution. What do you guys do/ how do you feel when your loved ones want to help you but don’t know what to do?",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eo1rvy,"I'm addicted to ""wrongdoing""",0,rant,1,"While my girlfriend is asleep on the phone and snoring in my ear... probably having romantic dreams about us... I'm on Reddit at 4am posting a pic of my clitoris. 😩 She would fly to my state and strangle me if she knew I was even on Reddit, let alone posting images of myself here. https://i.imgur.com/znMSQog.jpg",1dennaB,1,0,2,2020-01-13 09:10:20,addiction,"While my girlfriend is asleep on the phone and snoring in my ear... probably having romantic dreams about us... I'm on Reddit at 4am posting a pic of my clitoris. 😩 She would fly to my state and strangle me if she knew I was even on Reddit, let alone posting images of myself here. https://i.imgur.com/znMSQog.jpg",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 erj8s3,Psychotic ex boyfriend keeps using google voice phone numbers to call me. I have a restraining order in place but no hard proof it’s actually him calling because I never pick up. What do I do?,1b,help-seeking,2,"I know it’s him because when I trace the numbers I’m able to find out it’s a google voice number, I just can’t get ahold of hard info with his name attached to it. Back when we were together he would do this all the time. He would get mad about something stupid and start hitting me, I would get sick of it and block him, and he would call me using different google voice numbers over and over. He eventually sexually assaulted me in a parking garage, I had to have an abortion, and then he tried to kill me when he found out I got rid of the baby. I filed a restraining order and basically went into hiding after that. Deleted most of my social media, changed my number, and moved back home because he would always pop up at my apartment. I was scared to be there alone when my roommate wasn’t home. I have changed my phone number so many times over the years and he still keeps finding it. There was even one point when I stopped using regular phone service and only used apps because I figured it was the best way to hide from him. you can only rely on that so for long though before it becomes an inconvenience and people start wondering why you don’t have a regular phone number. I don’t know how he keeps finding my number but I’m sick of it. The reason I don’t want to just change my number yet again is because 1) I’m in the middle of job hunting for a career change. My current number is what I have listed on my resume and all the applications I did. and 2) - my current boyfriend is going to find it weird that I changed my number with no good explanation. He kind of knows about this situation but he doesn’t know how severe it actually was. I don’t want to have to explain this to him or my family who doesn’t know about this and who will also wonder why I changed my number yet again.",nothanksitstoocold,1,0,0,2020-01-20 20:37:28,domesticviolence,"Psychotic ex boyfriend keeps using google voice phone numbers to call me. I have a restraining order in place but no hard proof it’s actually him calling because I never pick up. What do I do? I know it’s him because when I trace the numbers I’m able to find out it’s a google voice number, I just can’t get ahold of hard info with his name attached to it. Back when we were together he would do this all the time. He would get mad about something stupid and start hitting me, I would get sick of it and block him, and he would call me using different google voice numbers over and over. He eventually sexually assaulted me in a parking garage, I had to have an abortion, and then he tried to kill me when he found out I got rid of the baby. I filed a restraining order and basically went into hiding after that. Deleted most of my social media, changed my number, and moved back home because he would always pop up at my apartment. I was scared to be there alone when my roommate wasn’t home. I have changed my phone number so many times over the years and he still keeps finding it. There was even one point when I stopped using regular phone service and only used apps because I figured it was the best way to hide from him. you can only rely on that so for long though before it becomes an inconvenience and people start wondering why you don’t have a regular phone number. I don’t know how he keeps finding my number but I’m sick of it. The reason I don’t want to just change my number yet again is because 1) I’m in the middle of job hunting for a career change. My current number is what I have listed on my resume and all the applications I did. and 2) - my current boyfriend is going to find it weird that I changed my number with no good explanation. He kind of knows about this situation but he doesn’t know how severe it actually was. I don’t want to have to explain this to him or my family who doesn’t know about this and who will also wonder why I changed my number yet again.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eilje7,"I took a sick day due to anxiety, now I'm having anxiety about taking a sick day...",1a,rant,1,"When will my brain just stop.... I was driving to work and a series of things going wrong caused one of the most horrific panic attacks I've ever had. I almost crashed and had to pull over while violently hyperventilating. It took 30 mins before I was able to consider driving home. I've only been able to text my boss not call in, she hasn't replied much and I'm having waves of guilt about not going in. My job is customer service so i know I couldn't hack it, but a part of me feels like I should be pushing myself harder. If I had flu I wouldnt have this anxiety about not going in...",bbyrats,1,0,6,2020-01-01 18:18:30,Anxiety,"When will my brain just stop.... I was driving to work and a series of things going wrong caused one of the most horrific panic attacks I've ever had. I almost crashed and had to pull over while violently hyperventilating. It took 30 mins before I was able to consider driving home. I've only been able to text my boss not call in, she hasn't replied much and I'm having waves of guilt about not going in. My job is customer service so i know I couldn't hack it, but a part of me feels like I should be pushing myself harder. If I had flu I wouldnt have this anxiety about not going in...",1,1,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what caused your panic attack,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you felt after the panic attack,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel guilty about not going in ,,True,110 ei9rda,The year I turn 27,0,rant,1,"I used to joke that I kill myself, when I turn 27. Next year, actually in a couple month, I turn 27 and I feel like I am at the end of the road. Not that I will die or commit suicide, but that there is nothing left for me, that I won't get any further in anything and I am just waiting for the end.",WhoCaresIII,1,0,0,2019-12-31 22:20:12,depression,"I used to joke that I kill myself, when I turn 27. Next year, actually in a couple month, I turn 27 and I feel like I am at the end of the road. Not that I will die or commit suicide, but that there is nothing left for me, that I won't get any further in anything and I am just waiting for the end.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,thought,True,000 ffvdkm,"I watched ""A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood"" today and I cried",0,chitchat,1,"A very touching and beautiful film, but I really lost it when Lloyd started singing Mr. Rogers song to his little son: *I like you as you are,* *Exactly and precisely.* *I think you turned out nicely* *And I like you as you are* It's just that I got so used to feeling unlovable, not worthy of anyone's affection (even my own), that these words shook the to the core. So... that's that. I thought some of you might appreciate them too.",northaestas,1,0,3,2020-03-09 14:22:07,getting_over_it,"A very touching and beautiful film, but I really lost it when Lloyd started singing Mr. Rogers song to his little son: *I like you as you are,* *Exactly and precisely.* *I think you turned out nicely* *And I like you as you are* It's just that I got so used to feeling unlovable, not worthy of anyone's affection (even my own), that these words shook the to the core. So... that's that. I thought some of you might appreciate them too.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ezcm4x,Boyfriend strangled me (continuation post),1b,help-seeking,1,I made a post earlier about my boyfriend strangling me. I have been super conflicted about whether or not to give him a second chance or not. I am scared and I feel bad to leave him because we have been together for 8 years and we just moved in together on Saturday. Am I right for wanting to file a police report? I know that right now I’m feeling a whole lot of emotions at this point. He made me feel bad last night by telling me that I would end his life (we are both in our mid 20’s) by calling the cops on him. I’m sorry I keep coming on here for advice but I need some advice.,Vo0doomamajuju_,1,0,16,2020-02-05 17:03:13,domesticviolence,I made a post earlier about my boyfriend strangling me. I have been super conflicted about whether or not to give him a second chance or not. I am scared and I feel bad to leave him because we have been together for 8 years and we just moved in together on Saturday. Am I right for wanting to file a police report? I know that right now I’m feeling a whole lot of emotions at this point. He made me feel bad last night by telling me that I would end his life (we are both in our mid 20’s) by calling the cops on him. I’m sorry I keep coming on here for advice but I need some advice.,2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 en5z0u,It’s only January 11 and I’ve had so much “accidental immersion therapy” (ie constant triggers) it’s almost funny,1b,rant,2,"December 30th-Jan 2nd was spent in the middle of rural butt fucking n o w h e r e Colorado. I booked what was supposed to be a relaxing all-inclusive vacation (horseback riding, skiing, hot springs) with seven other people and it turned out to be JUST ME and the 70 year old ranch owner who believed in doomsday prepping, Walmart being a corporate spy for the Illuminati among many MANY other crazy things. Constant flashback episodes about my dad during this time. Last night, I went to this god fucking awful event with my partner who has a very fancy white collar job in foreign policy. It was a typical DC bullshit fest with everyone sucking each other’s sweater-vested dicks but here’s what really took the cake: this fucking frat boy reject *filmed me while we were sitting at the same table*. I’ve gone over and over and over again trying to figure out why he’d do that and I can’t—I wasn’t drunk, I’m 99% sure I looked fine, etc. So when I notice this bitch filming me, I make a cute lil joke out of it and pose for the camera, etc. Once he got called out he acted all embarrassed and left. I went up to him afterwards and acted like a hard bitch and got up in his face and all that but the truth is I’ve been awake for seven goddamn hours crying about it. Having a camera in my face is one of my biggest triggers, *especially* when someone’s being sneaky about it. Thank you for letting me vent. I’m mad that I have so much clean time behind me and this is the first time I’ve thought about suicide in literally years. I don’t think I’m ever going to fit in fucking anywhere and I’m so tired of it.",SOfoundmyotherone,1,0,8,2020-01-11 10:40:07,ptsd,"December 30th-Jan 2nd was spent in the middle of rural butt fucking n o w h e r e Colorado. I booked what was supposed to be a relaxing all-inclusive vacation (horseback riding, skiing, hot springs) with seven other people and it turned out to be JUST ME and the 70 year old ranch owner who believed in doomsday prepping, Walmart being a corporate spy for the Illuminati among many MANY other crazy things. Constant flashback episodes about my dad during this time. Last night, I went to this god fucking awful event with my partner who has a very fancy white collar job in foreign policy. It was a typical DC bullshit fest with everyone sucking each other’s sweater-vested dicks but here’s what really took the cake: this fucking frat boy reject *filmed me while we were sitting at the same table*. I’ve gone over and over and over again trying to figure out why he’d do that and I can’t—I wasn’t drunk, I’m 99% sure I looked fine, etc. So when I notice this bitch filming me, I make a cute lil joke out of it and pose for the camera, etc. Once he got called out he acted all embarrassed and left. I went up to him afterwards and acted like a hard bitch and got up in his face and all that but the truth is I’ve been awake for seven goddamn hours crying about it. Having a camera in my face is one of my biggest triggers, *especially* when someone’s being sneaky about it. Thank you for letting me vent. I’m mad that I have so much clean time behind me and this is the first time I’ve thought about suicide in literally years. I don’t think I’m ever going to fit in fucking anywhere and I’m so tired of it.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are having suicidal thoughts,,True,220 eileiu,If you're having issues say at work or in a group environment such as a club or friend group how do you unveil and confront people on their petty actions?,1b,help-seeking,2,"I work as a nurse and the place I'm at is filled with drama and emotional queens who want to let out drama when they want to only to get a high 5 from their friends for making fun of the person its fine to make fun of when that shouldn't be the case. Or do it to create more drama for the sake of it since they're bored. A newer co-worker who I'll name Sara has become a target of workplace bullying. Sara doesn't like getting involved or talk to the other girls in our department because within her first days of working there she noticed the drama and didn't want to involve herself. Through this she became a target of mockery, ridicule, and at times some girls would even go out of their way to try and ""accidentally"" shove Sara. It doesn't get any better as there are some girls in HR who participate in causing these problems with my department. Issue is Sara has trouble standing up for herself and I'd like to help her confront the other girls but the problem is when you confront someone on their shitty behavior they either deny it or they'll say ""sorry I didn't know you felt that way"" or ""I didn't know I, my action, or that word made you feel like that..."". It's in that they use those deceptive tactics to truly hid their intentions. In our work environment it's like an unspoken secret to target Sara to make life hell at work and to create drama with me. I get tired of it and cry for both my sake and Sara's. It's even a catch 22 as we try to be nice and cordial yet they fuck with us for doing that. We avoid them and then they fuck with us for doing that. I can't really look for another job as I need this one for my career. I want to stop this type of environment, the problem is that people will only stop doing something when given an incentive yet I find it hypocritical in that they preach to treat others with respect yet do the opposite and they know they're deliberately doing it just to make life amusing for themselves while miserable for others to boos their self-esteem. What can I do to unveil this unspoken secret of targeting Sara and I also how do we confront them to unveil the truth?",giannaruth29-378,1,0,2,2020-01-01 18:08:09,socialanxiety,"I work as a nurse and the place I'm at is filled with drama and emotional queens who want to let out drama when they want to only to get a high 5 from their friends for making fun of the person its fine to make fun of when that shouldn't be the case. Or do it to create more drama for the sake of it since they're bored. A newer co-worker who I'll name Sara has become a target of workplace bullying. Sara doesn't like getting involved or talk to the other girls in our department because within her first days of working there she noticed the drama and didn't want to involve herself. Through this she became a target of mockery, ridicule, and at times some girls would even go out of their way to try and ""accidentally"" shove Sara. It doesn't get any better as there are some girls in HR who participate in causing these problems with my department. Issue is Sara has trouble standing up for herself and I'd like to help her confront the other girls but the problem is when you confront someone on their shitty behavior they either deny it or they'll say ""sorry I didn't know you felt that way"" or ""I didn't know I, my action, or that word made you feel like that..."". It's in that they use those deceptive tactics to truly hid their intentions. In our work environment it's like an unspoken secret to target Sara to make life hell at work and to create drama with me. I get tired of it and cry for both my sake and Sara's. It's even a catch 22 as we try to be nice and cordial yet they fuck with us for doing that. We avoid them and then they fuck with us for doing that. I can't really look for another job as I need this one for my career. I want to stop this type of environment, the problem is that people will only stop doing something when given an incentive yet I find it hypocritical in that they preach to treat others with respect yet do the opposite and they know they're deliberately doing it just to make life amusing for themselves while miserable for others to boos their self-esteem. What can I do to unveil this unspoken secret of targeting Sara and I also how do we confront them to unveil the truth?",2,1,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how did the workplace bullying make you feel,,,,True,212 elmou0,"Uplifting: I realized my abuser sabotaged my relationships, but now that I know, I'm doing so much better!",1b,rant,3,"Long story I believe is worth the read Trigger warning for rape, molestation, abuse, and manipulation Note: my step dad was my abuser, but we refer to him almost exclusively as ""the asshole"" 17F My story (back story): I lived with my mom and my step dad from when was about 2 until I was 9. The summer after my ninth birthday, I got run over by a car and I was immobile for many months. My mom and I moved out later that year when I could function better. My step dad didn't move out with us, but he and my mom stayed together. When I was 11, I started spending the night at my step dad's house every Friday because we wanted to spend time together and my weekly art class was near his house. The three of us called them our ""dad/daughter dates."" He started to molest me after a few weeks and he molested and raped me almost every Friday for about a year. At the time, I didn't know it was wrong and I believed it was consensual on my part. (I still have a very hard time convincing myself it wasn't my fault.) He manipulated me into believing the acts were somehow educational and that they were a natural part of our relationship. The sexual abuse ended because I wanted it to stop (I didn't tell him that) and so I quit art class. He never sexually abused me again, but the emotional manipulation continued until I finally reported him when I was 16. He is now in prison for molestation and rape of a child. 10 to Life Nobody knew about the abuse while it was happening. During this time, my relationships with everyone around me became strained and I acted like a bitch a lot. My mother and I fought routinely and I believed I hated her. I yelled and got into fights with anyone who annoyed me and I was usually angry. At the time, my mom and I lived together in a house with another girl my age, T, and her mom and grandmother. T and I loved each other and considered ourselves sisters. (We lived there for 6 years, so we got to know one another very well.) Despite the sisterly love T and I shared, we fought a lot. Yes, sisters fight, I know, but it was like there was something stopping me from really committing to our bond. I had always thought she was actually a bitch, that she didn't really like me, that she thought I was ugly and rude and mean. T's family loved me too, but I fought with them a lot as well and until recently had branded them as ""people I never wanted to hang out with again."" I had also branded myself as a ""bitch who doesn't like anyone."" My mom and I moved out of their house in 2018 and I had no intention of rekindling my relationship with T, her mother, or her grandmother. Recently: My relationship with my mom is great now and couple of weeks ago, I was talking to my mom about an incident of abuse by my step dad. (We have an agreement that if I have an intrusive thought, I tell her about it so I don't have to hold onto it by myself.) We got to discussing how much better our relationship is now and soon discovered how much the asshole had contributed to our aggravated relationship. I told her that he would tell me she was rude and mean and that she would get mad at me if I said anything about the abuse to her. He would take my side whenever I told him about a fight we were having and would verbally bash my mom. He even went as far as telling me my mom and my bio dad were having an affair, which is not possible for so many reasons. The asshole made me believe my mother was a rude liar. We also discovered how much he had manipulated his relationship with me before the abuse. I was a smart, feminist kid, so that's why I always blamed myself for the abuse, but my mom and I finally realized that he was planning the abuse for a long time. He was making me believe he was a kind and nurturing father figure even though I originally didn't like him. (He yelled at my mom and I all the time while I was growing up. Multiple times, my mom told me to pack my bags after an argument they'd had and we'd stay at a friends house for a few days.) The asshole found his way into my heart after I got run over. My mom was tired from taking care of me all the time and so he began taking on a bigger role in my life. He read me stories each night and sung me lullabys. He took on a bigger parenting role. My mom and I moved out shortly after the accident, but he continued to act fatherly. A couple years later, he was the one who suggested I spend the night after art class. All of this is what my mom and I came to find out while we talked. I was so upset that he'd wormed his way into my life like that. I wondered how else he had manipulated my relationships. I wanted to reconnect with T to talk to her about this and because we used to be so close. So we met up and talked. We discovered that the asshole had sabotaged our relationship most of all! He wanted to separate me from her because he knew I'd tell her every thing. He told me not to trust her. He told me that things I'd lost had actually been stolen by her and that she was out to get me. He told her I stole things of hers I'd never even touched. He called her dumb and told her I was mean and that I didn't like her. He told me I shouldn't be friends with her cause she was a ""stuck up, dumb, bitch"" These are just a few of the things we found out he did to tear us apart. We also realized he'd done the same to ruin my relationships with T's family. It all came together. He was a master manipulator and had done everything he could to make sure I felt lonely and angry so I would find solace in him. I hate him and everything he did. The good stuff: Because of all these realizations, I have actually been much happier. T and I have a bond like we never had before and we are once again considered sisters. We still have to tell each other constantly that we love one another! He made us believe we could never be close. We laugh and cry and convince each other that any negative thoughts we have about the other are purely what he made us believe and literally aren't, and were never fucking true! (Currently crying tears of joy/rage while I write this.) I also explained the manipulation to T's family. They were incredibly receptive and were happy to ""restart"" our relationship and love one another like we never had before. I don't actually hate them! The asshole just made me believe they hated me! What a fucking dickwad! I've also un-branded myself as an ""everyone hating bitch."" I don't have to hate people and isolate myself to stay safe. He made me believe that any negative thought I had about someone was a reason to end my relationship with them or, if I couldn't, to hate them and be rude with them. Despite how horrible it was to find out how much he had manipulated me, it has made me realize that I get to re-define myself and that I don't actually hate everyone! I was just groomed to do so. My mental health is still shoddy, but I feel so much better about my life now. I have a chance to restart and feel good about myself for the first time in forever. I know taking about abuse is hard (it's so much easier to write about it) and that it can be maddening and triggering and horribly vivid, but I hope that others can find some hope in my story of healing from discussing my abuse.",Kellymbm,1,0,2,2020-01-08 03:11:38,ptsd,"Long story I believe is worth the read Trigger warning for rape, molestation, abuse, and manipulation Note: my step dad was my abuser, but we refer to him almost exclusively as ""the asshole"" 17F My story (back story): I lived with my mom and my step dad from when was about 2 until I was 9. The summer after my ninth birthday, I got run over by a car and I was immobile for many months. My mom and I moved out later that year when I could function better. My step dad didn't move out with us, but he and my mom stayed together. When I was 11, I started spending the night at my step dad's house every Friday because we wanted to spend time together and my weekly art class was near his house. The three of us called them our ""dad/daughter dates."" He started to molest me after a few weeks and he molested and raped me almost every Friday for about a year. At the time, I didn't know it was wrong and I believed it was consensual on my part. (I still have a very hard time convincing myself it wasn't my fault.) He manipulated me into believing the acts were somehow educational and that they were a natural part of our relationship. The sexual abuse ended because I wanted it to stop (I didn't tell him that) and so I quit art class. He never sexually abused me again, but the emotional manipulation continued until I finally reported him when I was 16. He is now in prison for molestation and rape of a child. 10 to Life Nobody knew about the abuse while it was happening. During this time, my relationships with everyone around me became strained and I acted like a bitch a lot. My mother and I fought routinely and I believed I hated her. I yelled and got into fights with anyone who annoyed me and I was usually angry. At the time, my mom and I lived together in a house with another girl my age, T, and her mom and grandmother. T and I loved each other and considered ourselves sisters. (We lived there for 6 years, so we got to know one another very well.) Despite the sisterly love T and I shared, we fought a lot. Yes, sisters fight, I know, but it was like there was something stopping me from really committing to our bond. I had always thought she was actually a bitch, that she didn't really like me, that she thought I was ugly and rude and mean. T's family loved me too, but I fought with them a lot as well and until recently had branded them as ""people I never wanted to hang out with again."" I had also branded myself as a ""bitch who doesn't like anyone."" My mom and I moved out of their house in 2018 and I had no intention of rekindling my relationship with T, her mother, or her grandmother. Recently: My relationship with my mom is great now and couple of weeks ago, I was talking to my mom about an incident of abuse by my step dad. (We have an agreement that if I have an intrusive thought, I tell her about it so I don't have to hold onto it by myself.) We got to discussing how much better our relationship is now and soon discovered how much the asshole had contributed to our aggravated relationship. I told her that he would tell me she was rude and mean and that she would get mad at me if I said anything about the abuse to her. He would take my side whenever I told him about a fight we were having and would verbally bash my mom. He even went as far as telling me my mom and my bio dad were having an affair, which is not possible for so many reasons. The asshole made me believe my mother was a rude liar. We also discovered how much he had manipulated his relationship with me before the abuse. I was a smart, feminist kid, so that's why I always blamed myself for the abuse, but my mom and I finally realized that he was planning the abuse for a long time. He was making me believe he was a kind and nurturing father figure even though I originally didn't like him. (He yelled at my mom and I all the time while I was growing up. Multiple times, my mom told me to pack my bags after an argument they'd had and we'd stay at a friends house for a few days.) The asshole found his way into my heart after I got run over. My mom was tired from taking care of me all the time and so he began taking on a bigger role in my life. He read me stories each night and sung me lullabys. He took on a bigger parenting role. My mom and I moved out shortly after the accident, but he continued to act fatherly. A couple years later, he was the one who suggested I spend the night after art class. All of this is what my mom and I came to find out while we talked. I was so upset that he'd wormed his way into my life like that. I wondered how else he had manipulated my relationships. I wanted to reconnect with T to talk to her about this and because we used to be so close. So we met up and talked. We discovered that the asshole had sabotaged our relationship most of all! He wanted to separate me from her because he knew I'd tell her every thing. He told me not to trust her. He told me that things I'd lost had actually been stolen by her and that she was out to get me. He told her I stole things of hers I'd never even touched. He called her dumb and told her I was mean and that I didn't like her. He told me I shouldn't be friends with her cause she was a ""stuck up, dumb, bitch"" These are just a few of the things we found out he did to tear us apart. We also realized he'd done the same to ruin my relationships with T's family. It all came together. He was a master manipulator and had done everything he could to make sure I felt lonely and angry so I would find solace in him. I hate him and everything he did. The good stuff: Because of all these realizations, I have actually been much happier. T and I have a bond like we never had before and we are once again considered sisters. We still have to tell each other constantly that we love one another! He made us believe we could never be close. We laugh and cry and convince each other that any negative thoughts we have about the other are purely what he made us believe and literally aren't, and were never fucking true! (Currently crying tears of joy/rage while I write this.) I also explained the manipulation to T's family. They were incredibly receptive and were happy to ""restart"" our relationship and love one another like we never had before. I don't actually hate them! The asshole just made me believe they hated me! What a fucking dickwad! I've also un-branded myself as an ""everyone hating bitch."" I don't have to hate people and isolate myself to stay safe. He made me believe that any negative thought I had about someone was a reason to end my relationship with them or, if I couldn't, to hate them and be rude with them. Despite how horrible it was to find out how much he had manipulated me, it has made me realize that I get to re-define myself and that I don't actually hate everyone! I was just groomed to do so. My mental health is still shoddy, but I feel so much better about my life now. I have a chance to restart and feel good about myself for the first time in forever. I know taking about abuse is hard (it's so much easier to write about it) and that it can be maddening and triggering and horribly vivid, but I hope that others can find some hope in my story of healing from discussing my abuse.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 ek57r9,.,0,chitchat,5,,Mysteriously7,682,0,90,2020-01-05 00:32:08,socialanxiety,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ew6t9t,Starting an Anger support group,0,survey,1,"I'm (48m) thinking of starting an anger support group in Berlin, Germany. From my own long term experience with anger I think that anger (the sort of anger that we experience in this sub) is a serious issue for society. The effects of anger are catastrophic to relationships for all those involved. I feel society doesnt understand the difficulty of overcoming and controlling the type of anger that we feel The idea of the group would be to offer support in a safe, non-judgemental way. Where strategies for coping can be shared amongst the group. Anyway I would like ask the amazing community at r/anger if they have any thoughts, ideas and even criticisms about what I am trying to do.",MrBanjomango,1,0,3,2020-01-30 15:10:36,Anger,"I'm (48m) thinking of starting an anger support group in Berlin, Germany. From my own long term experience with anger I think that anger (the sort of anger that we experience in this sub) is a serious issue for society. The effects of anger are catastrophic to relationships for all those involved. I feel society doesnt understand the difficulty of overcoming and controlling the type of anger that we feel The idea of the group would be to offer support in a safe, non-judgemental way. Where strategies for coping can be shared amongst the group. Anyway I would like ask the amazing community at r/anger if they have any thoughts, ideas and even criticisms about what I am trying to do.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,thought,True,000 eu0ofe,My crush [F27] was sitting with her group and while I was walking by she called me and when I came she started talking to someone else and completely ignored me at all. I felt embarrassed standing there doing nothing while others having conversation with someone else. I felt awkward,1b,rant,2,,sabucoush,1,0,7,2020-01-26 02:24:29,getting_over_it,My crush [F27] was sitting with her group and while I was walking by she called me and when I came she started talking to someone else and completely ignored me at all. I felt embarrassed standing there doing nothing while others having conversation with someone else. I felt awkward nan,2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you felt embarrased by your crush's actions,,True,220 ei7ixq,Yay,0,rant,1,i was always told “things will get better.” Years later nothing has gotten better. I have a feeling it never will :),macdemarcosgirl,3,0,11,2019-12-31 19:25:26,depression,i was always told “things will get better.” Years later nothing has gotten better. I have a feeling it never will :),1,1,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how things are not good,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel about things not getting better,What do you need help with now that X?,things have become worse,,True,110 eitmru,Is _____ considered self-harm?,0,survey,1,"I see this question throughout this sub multiple times a day. It's simple. Are you inflicting an action, or sabotaging yourself with the intention of hurting yourself? Then yes. That's why it's called ""Self"" harm.",trashraider,1,0,12,2020-01-02 04:59:23,selfharm,"I see this question throughout this sub multiple times a day. It's simple. Are you inflicting an action, or sabotaging yourself with the intention of hurting yourself? Then yes. That's why it's called ""Self"" harm.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 eprdjc,I’m selfish and won’t change!,0,help-seeking,1,"PLOT TWIST! To keep things short, I’m selfish BUT I don’t want to change that. It’s my character (Who I am) to its core so how do I take that “negative” trait and turn it into something productive? I promise I’m not crazy, just a college student looking for answers!",Jserrano19,1,0,12,2020-01-16 23:08:49,selfhelp,"PLOT TWIST! To keep things short, I’m selfish BUT I don’t want to change that. It’s my character (Who I am) to its core so how do I take that “negative” trait and turn it into something productive? I promise I’m not crazy, just a college student looking for answers!",1,0,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,selfish tendencies,How did X make you feel?,being selfish,,,,True,102 ei8vn1,Can't get my place cleaned up and friend is coming over,1a,help-seeking,2,"I've been friends with this person for years and now she finally wants to meet me in person by coming to visit me at my place. Ignoring my anxiety and RSD telling me I won't be fun irl and that she'll be put off, my biggest obstacle is getting my place cleaned up and organized before she gets here. She made plans for this a couple of months ago, and yet in that time I still haven't been able to force myself clean up. Everything just seems so overwhelming. She'll be coming in three weeks and that still doesn't seem like enough time and I'm panicking. I know I'm being irrational, but what do I do? I feel like if I clean up now it'll get dirty again in time for her to come over, but if I keep putting it off I won't do it in time. tl;dr Unconventional tips for getting motivated/encouragement? I feel like I've been through every ADHD Tips & Tricks article to no avail.",timeroulettego,1,0,4,2019-12-31 21:09:11,ADHD,"I've been friends with this person for years and now she finally wants to meet me in person by coming to visit me at my place. Ignoring my anxiety and RSD telling me I won't be fun irl and that she'll be put off, my biggest obstacle is getting my place cleaned up and organized before she gets here. She made plans for this a couple of months ago, and yet in that time I still haven't been able to force myself clean up. Everything just seems so overwhelming. She'll be coming in three weeks and that still doesn't seem like enough time and I'm panicking. I know I'm being irrational, but what do I do? I feel like if I clean up now it'll get dirty again in time for her to come over, but if I keep putting it off I won't do it in time. tl;dr Unconventional tips for getting motivated/encouragement? I feel like I've been through every ADHD Tips & Tricks article to no avail.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ej7qce,I feel weirded out by my sponsor?,1b,rant,2,"I have had my current sponsor for about three months now, and I am almost six months sober. She has been really nice and we bonded after my 5th step and stuff. However, lately I feel uncomfortable with some of her behaviors. She was out of town for a couple days and texted that she was anxious to see me. She tells me she loves me and misses me every day. She brags about me to her friends saying I'm a star student AA sponsee and makes me tell her friends about the internships I'm applying for. She called me an Oriental. She told me that I can't hide from her because she will find me. She told me that this guy shouldn't be wearing a spandex shirt because he's fat. Maybe it's issues in my past that are skewing my perspective (my parents never told me they loved me so I'm turned off by affectionate words like that, my parents only see me as my GPA, scholarships, career path and makes bragging a toxic competition with their friends, past abusive relationships I'm reminded of by her ""you can't hide from me"" sentence..). Or is this actually abnormal sponsor behavior? Also, I feel like she looks down on mental health treatment and thinks my depression/suicidal ideations can be solved with prayer. I don't know if she is a good fit for me as a sponsor anymore, but I don't know if these are stupid reasons to switch sponsors because she has helped me so much these past months. I've been acting distant from her because I just feel really weirded out by her attachment to me.",crotchetandclank,11,0,75,2020-01-03 01:13:43,alcoholicsanonymous,"I have had my current sponsor for about three months now, and I am almost six months sober. She has been really nice and we bonded after my 5th step and stuff. However, lately I feel uncomfortable with some of her behaviors. She was out of town for a couple days and texted that she was anxious to see me. She tells me she loves me and misses me every day. She brags about me to her friends saying I'm a star student AA sponsee and makes me tell her friends about the internships I'm applying for. She called me an Oriental. She told me that I can't hide from her because she will find me. She told me that this guy shouldn't be wearing a spandex shirt because he's fat. Maybe it's issues in my past that are skewing my perspective (my parents never told me they loved me so I'm turned off by affectionate words like that, my parents only see me as my GPA, scholarships, career path and makes bragging a toxic competition with their friends, past abusive relationships I'm reminded of by her ""you can't hide from me"" sentence..). Or is this actually abnormal sponsor behavior? Also, I feel like she looks down on mental health treatment and thinks my depression/suicidal ideations can be solved with prayer. I don't know if she is a good fit for me as a sponsor anymore, but I don't know if these are stupid reasons to switch sponsors because she has helped me so much these past months. I've been acting distant from her because I just feel really weirded out by her attachment to me.",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help deal with your sponser's behaviour,,True,221 ek9hw1,"According to Wikihow, the first step to being likeable is to like yourself. Guess I'll be stuck on step one forever :')",0,chitchat,1,,Pringle26,17,0,10,2020-01-05 06:48:08,socialanxiety,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 enqjxz,Has a dog or other pet helped you heal after leaving?,0,survey,1,"About a year after I left I adopted a dog. She’s sweet but turned out to be a pretty particular guard dog- very vocal about letting me know if anyone is approaching my residence at all hours of the day. She’s also not a small dog and does make me feel more protected. I’ve only had her a few months but I think I’ve healed substantially more since then. She’s aware of what’s going on outside so I don’t worry about it, and petting her is calming. My mood and interaction with others has definitely improved, I’m way less nervous. Has anyone else had a pet really help them?",justpeachy7777,1,0,9,2020-01-12 17:43:56,domesticviolence,"About a year after I left I adopted a dog. She’s sweet but turned out to be a pretty particular guard dog- very vocal about letting me know if anyone is approaching my residence at all hours of the day. She’s also not a small dog and does make me feel more protected. I’ve only had her a few months but I think I’ve healed substantially more since then. She’s aware of what’s going on outside so I don’t worry about it, and petting her is calming. My mood and interaction with others has definitely improved, I’m way less nervous. Has anyone else had a pet really help them?",1,2,2,Can you elaborate more on X ?,who you left before adopting the dog,,,,,,True,122 eidxaz,my own sister didn’t invite me to her siblings only party :(,1b,rant,1,,nxthvn,1,0,0,2020-01-01 04:27:58,sad,my own sister didn’t invite me to her siblings only party :( nan,1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why your sister didn't invite you,How did X make you feel?,your sister's actions,What do you need help with now that X?,your sister didn't invite you,,True,100 ektw0x,"As Bill Sees It, 1.6",0,chitchat,3,"Circle and Triangle, p. 307 Above us, at the International Convention at St. Louis in 1955, floated a banner on which was inscribed the then new symbol for A.A., a circle enclosing a triangle. The circle stands for the whole world of A.A., and the triangle stands for A.A.'s Three Legacies: Recovery, Unity, and Service. It is perhaps no accident that priests and seers of antiquity regarded this symbol as a means of warding off spirits of evil. When, in 1955, we old-timers turned over our Three Legacies to the whole movement, nostalgia for the old days blended with gratitude for the great day in which I was now living. No more would it be necessary for me to act for, decide for, or protect A.A. For a moment, I dreaded the coming change. But this mood quickly passed. The conscience of A.A. as moved by the guidance of God could be depended upon to insure A.A.'s future. Clearly my job henceforth was to let go and let God. A.A. Comes of Age, p. 39; 46-48",Whtsox,1,0,0,2020-01-06 13:04:02,alcoholicsanonymous,"Circle and Triangle, p. 307 Above us, at the International Convention at St. Louis in 1955, floated a banner on which was inscribed the then new symbol for A.A., a circle enclosing a triangle. The circle stands for the whole world of A.A., and the triangle stands for A.A.'s Three Legacies: Recovery, Unity, and Service. It is perhaps no accident that priests and seers of antiquity regarded this symbol as a means of warding off spirits of evil. When, in 1955, we old-timers turned over our Three Legacies to the whole movement, nostalgia for the old days blended with gratitude for the great day in which I was now living. No more would it be necessary for me to act for, decide for, or protect A.A. For a moment, I dreaded the coming change. But this mood quickly passed. The conscience of A.A. as moved by the guidance of God could be depended upon to insure A.A.'s future. Clearly my job henceforth was to let go and let God. A.A. Comes of Age, p. 39; 46-48",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 emj5j3,I’ve never told anyone my story...so...here it is.,0,chitchat,3,,kennyzmum,1,0,0,2020-01-10 00:53:24,domesticviolence,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 eis326,Why does literally everyone have anxiety disorders now?,1b,rant,1,"The average person seems to think that feeling anxious is something extreme and debilitating yet they don’t even know what it’s like to have an anxiety disorder. Although I’m happy that there is so much awareness, this awareness has led to a society that doesn’t take the words “mental illness” as seriously as before because everyone seems to have anxiety disorders when really all they are experiencing is anxiety, a natural feeling that is often a sign of healthy functioning. I don’t know if this is communicating 100% what I want it to, but fuck I’m tired of everyone thinking they’re sick.",wtfyuh,1,0,21,2020-01-02 02:46:22,Anxiety,"The average person seems to think that feeling anxious is something extreme and debilitating yet they don’t even know what it’s like to have an anxiety disorder. Although I’m happy that there is so much awareness, this awareness has led to a society that doesn’t take the words “mental illness” as seriously as before because everyone seems to have anxiety disorders when really all they are experiencing is anxiety, a natural feeling that is often a sign of healthy functioning. I don’t know if this is communicating 100% what I want it to, but fuck I’m tired of everyone thinking they’re sick.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 f1yqd3,"I need some advice, familiarity with New Hampshire law would help immensely.",1b,help-seeking,1,"The short of it is I was legally living at my mom's house. I've been staying at my dad's for about three months because me and my mom had a falling out. She told me I could come back whenever and theres no hard feelings. Two days later (today) she went into psycho mode and smashed my door to shit with a hammer and stole a bunch of my stuff including my security cameras. She never formally evicted me. I also had a dead bolt lock that she technically allowed and footage of her going mental on it to get into the room is on the cameras. This is a crime, correct?",IAppreciatesReality,1,0,2,2020-02-10 23:03:53,domesticviolence,"I need some advice, familiarity with New Hampshire law would help immensely. The short of it is I was legally living at my mom's house. I've been staying at my dad's for about three months because me and my mom had a falling out. She told me I could come back whenever and theres no hard feelings. Two days later (today) she went into psycho mode and smashed my door to shit with a hammer and stole a bunch of my stuff including my security cameras. She never formally evicted me. I also had a dead bolt lock that she technically allowed and footage of her going mental on it to get into the room is on the cameras. This is a crime, correct?",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,your mom's agression,,,,True,202 eicx0r,Am I the only one who HATES New Years Eve?,1c,survey,1,,paoluchsinger,1,0,5,2020-01-01 02:47:14,Anxiety,Am I the only one who HATES New Years Eve? nan,0,1,0,What made you feel X ?,hates towards new year's eve,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you feel on new year's eve,What can help you overcome X ?,this hatred towards new year,title,True,010 ekp8m4,Sponcee went out,0,chitchat,3,"Sponcee went out last night. Forgot what we had talked about, you know, if you're in crisis reach out. Received a text, followed up with a phone call they didn't answer so went back to meeting I was attending. This morning their husband text me to say they drank a bottle of wine; 43 days of sobriety and they think they might be a burden. I have always said, the most important work in the phrase, Remember, alcohol is cunning, baffling and powerful is ""remember"". Alcohol is working at all times to pull you back. Warned in the doctor's opinion of restless, irritable and discontent, until once again experience the ease and comfort of a few drinks. Well, it looks like her momentary ease and comfort wrecked havoc today. Last night she made the decision to put her disease over and above her children and husband. She made the decision the life she said she wanted wasn't really that important to her. I do not condone this behavior, I do not support it by saying, ""its a part of your program"", again from the doctor's opinion, ""frothy emotional appeal seldom suffices"". I will love her when she calls. I will support her to get right with her higher power and get this cleaned up. I will help her to find the message she needs to hear so she truly understands that the ""lack power is her dilemma"" and only a connection to and conscious contact to a higher power can give her things no one in the world can. Today, I am grateful for the desperation given to me by alcoholism. I am grateful for good sponsorship and men who came before me. I am grateful I can reach out to the husband and let him know to love his wife but hate the disease. And when she reaches out for me, yes, I will jerk a knot in her tail because she needs to hear that. But I will explain to her, in a loving compassionate way, that her relapse, is the cunning baffling powerful nature of alcoholism and she needs to guard against it every day and every night.",Ext1809,1,0,6,2020-01-06 05:07:15,alcoholicsanonymous,"Sponcee went out last night. Forgot what we had talked about, you know, if you're in crisis reach out. Received a text, followed up with a phone call they didn't answer so went back to meeting I was attending. This morning their husband text me to say they drank a bottle of wine; 43 days of sobriety and they think they might be a burden. I have always said, the most important work in the phrase, Remember, alcohol is cunning, baffling and powerful is ""remember"". Alcohol is working at all times to pull you back. Warned in the doctor's opinion of restless, irritable and discontent, until once again experience the ease and comfort of a few drinks. Well, it looks like her momentary ease and comfort wrecked havoc today. Last night she made the decision to put her disease over and above her children and husband. She made the decision the life she said she wanted wasn't really that important to her. I do not condone this behavior, I do not support it by saying, ""its a part of your program"", again from the doctor's opinion, ""frothy emotional appeal seldom suffices"". I will love her when she calls. I will support her to get right with her higher power and get this cleaned up. I will help her to find the message she needs to hear so she truly understands that the ""lack power is her dilemma"" and only a connection to and conscious contact to a higher power can give her things no one in the world can. Today, I am grateful for the desperation given to me by alcoholism. I am grateful for good sponsorship and men who came before me. I am grateful I can reach out to the husband and let him know to love his wife but hate the disease. And when she reaches out for me, yes, I will jerk a knot in her tail because she needs to hear that. But I will explain to her, in a loving compassionate way, that her relapse, is the cunning baffling powerful nature of alcoholism and she needs to guard against it every day and every night.",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 eyw7ju,Eating disorders and link to domestic violence/abuse,1b,help-seeking,1,"A friend of mine is dating a man who was previously married to a woman with an eating disorder. The disorder was so significant that it required hospitalizations on and off for a number of years throughout their marriage. This fact, along with a few other things make me worry that this man that my friend is dating may have been abusive toward his ex. I don't know this for a fact, but I understand there this is sometimes a link between eating disorders and domestic violence. Since I have had my own experience with domestic violence, I don't want to bring my own crap into this situation...but I worry about it for her. I don't plan to do anything at this point with the information, but I wanted to gain some insight for my own knowledge. Few other things about him make me a little nervous, like jealous behavior, ""opinions"" about how to do things the right way, and the fact that he painted himself the victim of a controlling wife also concern me. Any thoughts?",CarlyDZ,1,0,5,2020-02-04 20:11:42,domesticviolence,"A friend of mine is dating a man who was previously married to a woman with an eating disorder. The disorder was so significant that it required hospitalizations on and off for a number of years throughout their marriage. This fact, along with a few other things make me worry that this man that my friend is dating may have been abusive toward his ex. I don't know this for a fact, but I understand there this is sometimes a link between eating disorders and domestic violence. Since I have had my own experience with domestic violence, I don't want to bring my own crap into this situation...but I worry about it for her. I don't plan to do anything at this point with the information, but I wanted to gain some insight for my own knowledge. Few other things about him make me a little nervous, like jealous behavior, ""opinions"" about how to do things the right way, and the fact that he painted himself the victim of a controlling wife also concern me. Any thoughts?",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,you are worried that your friend's boyfriend was abusive,,True,221 eo7ypy,1/3th Life Crisis,1a,rant,3,"This is definitely different than the quarter life crisis. After turning 30 a few years ago, I went through a few changes: * got a dog * dropped my beer buddies * went through some legal drama * went through job loss and loss of reputation In a larger perspective, in my 20's when I had fight/flight instinct about life circumstances I ran. I ran to some new city, I ran home to family. This time, I fought. I came to understand just who my friends were (and weren't!), and I came to understand the true nature of cooperation vs. competition. I think I put a lot of my education behind me, and I began a long process of getting over dating defenses I had long put up to work on my career. Let's see, so if I began to develop real adult friendships at 26 / 27, by 28 I realized relationships meant being open to getting hurt. By 31 I had forced myself in a position to almost completely not care what others think and to actively question people when they portrayed benevolence. I probably began to question more displays of good nature than those who simply carried on. I redefined what friendship meant to me. These a friend is simply someone going in the same direction, and an old friend is worth a lot more because you can't change the past; it's too bad I just don't keep up with many people! Let me to get the point. I thought at 28 I'd have saved up enough to put down on a $450k condo. It didn't happen. It still hasn't happened! I'm still a month or two from clearing all my debts!!! At my current income (which I can earn in a stable way) I put away a lot of money per month. Still, my job is hardly satisfying and it just doesn't make me feel alive, even if the circumstances of my job would inspire jealousy I'm sure (I'm earning money typing a Reddit post, after all). For all that work I did on really being open to getting hurt in relationships, I hardly maintain a social life any longer. I find most friendships to be a waste of time and I'm almost completely over the conversations I had in my 20's of, ""what are you going to do with your life???"" My world view has almost completely devolved from the progressivism school tried to teach me. These days I am so in the camp of traditional gender views. Outside work, hobbies and sports if I want a social hour that means finding a girlfriend who orchestrates that. I've replaced community involvement almost completely with work, replacing the humanitarian ideal of volunteering with trying to create a job for someone else in starting a business. On the dating side, because everything else has gone much more slowly than I'd like, I am probably one of the most boring creatures on the planet. Not only this, but I still have much of my drive in tact and I'm not very accepting of my financial or career circumstances! This at least makes me a complicated dating prospect, not to mention my current job duties is working as a line working (in software). Some day, I'll run a company but it's challenging in dating when I'm still a mere line worker forced to maintain a high level of focus (which means not a lot of fun distractions). To round this all out, in my boring life these days I am utterly overwhelmed! I basically work two jobs between my day job and building a business on the side. Due to my self employment I have to do a crazy amount of extra work in providing my own health insurance, my own accounting, etc. Then there's taking care of aging parents, dealing with a sibling who is older and arguably further ""behind"" than I am. A lot of this stuff has made me have a very cold world view. What I deal with in this 1/3rd life crisis perhaps is that I feel like for all my ambition and clever ideas in my 20's, I am not only caught up in the hampster wheel but worse the market has punished me for creative decisions in my 20's. I see a path toward running a business and have decent prospects there, but there's no one coaching me along to win because people are self-serving -- and it seems like I have to draw on some supernatural force to make it happen. Worse still, most of the problems in my life are dramatically alleviated at this point by money (aging parents, dating, enrichment, self-fulfillment). This is a shoddy place to be, as though I have reached some maxim of materialism and yet I feel perhaps more in touch with the irony that it all eventually comes to an end (we all die). I feel on the other side of the 20-something idealism, and yet I feel so small compared to anyone who has managed to build a real financial base (earning an annual bonus + stock options, getting a graduate degree and advancing into middle management). Perhaps my dilemma is this: in my 1/3rd life crisis, the actions of the 20's add up and become accounted for, and my accounts don't look too awesome and even though I'd really like to start a family being over age 30 it's a short sell to promise the ""dream"" any longer now that some time has allowed that to play out a bit. Argh! Can't say I expect advice here or have any specific advice to solicit. I presume I'm a bit older than many here!",soggyluckycharm,1,0,2,2020-01-13 18:21:29,selfhelp,"This is definitely different than the quarter life crisis. After turning 30 a few years ago, I went through a few changes: * got a dog * dropped my beer buddies * went through some legal drama * went through job loss and loss of reputation In a larger perspective, in my 20's when I had fight/flight instinct about life circumstances I ran. I ran to some new city, I ran home to family. This time, I fought. I came to understand just who my friends were (and weren't!), and I came to understand the true nature of cooperation vs. competition. I think I put a lot of my education behind me, and I began a long process of getting over dating defenses I had long put up to work on my career. Let's see, so if I began to develop real adult friendships at 26 / 27, by 28 I realized relationships meant being open to getting hurt. By 31 I had forced myself in a position to almost completely not care what others think and to actively question people when they portrayed benevolence. I probably began to question more displays of good nature than those who simply carried on. I redefined what friendship meant to me. These a friend is simply someone going in the same direction, and an old friend is worth a lot more because you can't change the past; it's too bad I just don't keep up with many people! Let me to get the point. I thought at 28 I'd have saved up enough to put down on a $450k condo. It didn't happen. It still hasn't happened! I'm still a month or two from clearing all my debts!!! At my current income (which I can earn in a stable way) I put away a lot of money per month. Still, my job is hardly satisfying and it just doesn't make me feel alive, even if the circumstances of my job would inspire jealousy I'm sure (I'm earning money typing a Reddit post, after all). For all that work I did on really being open to getting hurt in relationships, I hardly maintain a social life any longer. I find most friendships to be a waste of time and I'm almost completely over the conversations I had in my 20's of, ""what are you going to do with your life???"" My world view has almost completely devolved from the progressivism school tried to teach me. These days I am so in the camp of traditional gender views. Outside work, hobbies and sports if I want a social hour that means finding a girlfriend who orchestrates that. I've replaced community involvement almost completely with work, replacing the humanitarian ideal of volunteering with trying to create a job for someone else in starting a business. On the dating side, because everything else has gone much more slowly than I'd like, I am probably one of the most boring creatures on the planet. Not only this, but I still have much of my drive in tact and I'm not very accepting of my financial or career circumstances! This at least makes me a complicated dating prospect, not to mention my current job duties is working as a line working (in software). Some day, I'll run a company but it's challenging in dating when I'm still a mere line worker forced to maintain a high level of focus (which means not a lot of fun distractions). To round this all out, in my boring life these days I am utterly overwhelmed! I basically work two jobs between my day job and building a business on the side. Due to my self employment I have to do a crazy amount of extra work in providing my own health insurance, my own accounting, etc. Then there's taking care of aging parents, dealing with a sibling who is older and arguably further ""behind"" than I am. A lot of this stuff has made me have a very cold world view. What I deal with in this 1/3rd life crisis perhaps is that I feel like for all my ambition and clever ideas in my 20's, I am not only caught up in the hampster wheel but worse the market has punished me for creative decisions in my 20's. I see a path toward running a business and have decent prospects there, but there's no one coaching me along to win because people are self-serving -- and it seems like I have to draw on some supernatural force to make it happen. Worse still, most of the problems in my life are dramatically alleviated at this point by money (aging parents, dating, enrichment, self-fulfillment). This is a shoddy place to be, as though I have reached some maxim of materialism and yet I feel perhaps more in touch with the irony that it all eventually comes to an end (we all die). I feel on the other side of the 20-something idealism, and yet I feel so small compared to anyone who has managed to build a real financial base (earning an annual bonus + stock options, getting a graduate degree and advancing into middle management). Perhaps my dilemma is this: in my 1/3rd life crisis, the actions of the 20's add up and become accounted for, and my accounts don't look too awesome and even though I'd really like to start a family being over age 30 it's a short sell to promise the ""dream"" any longer now that some time has allowed that to play out a bit. Argh! Can't say I expect advice here or have any specific advice to solicit. I presume I'm a bit older than many here!",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you with your crisis,,True,221 elzfux,Update after a long time,1a,rant,2,"Day three cold turkey... Day three cold turkey from snorting fentanyl laced heroin for 9 months. The hot and cold sweats are still lingering, restlessness still full tilt... no sleep yet. First poop this morning. I can't believe I'm enduring this. I never want to be controlled by this drug again. (UPDATE) Day 4 I've actually somehow pulled the courage out of my ass to go to my old club and do a half assed boxing workout. I then went to a friends house and sat in a hot epsom salt bath for 20 minutes. I picked up some red vein kratom at a local shop. Had a hot cup of that and staggered a few doses of gabapentin. All three Ended up working like a charm to be honest and I slept pretty damn well! (Update) The next day I picked up and used. Once I realized Kratom could ease withdrawals and not have to deal with the blocker crap... I went in hard until November 8th 2018. I got kicked out of my house, was living in my car, attempted suicide. And after living in what felt like hell, an old friend from high school came to where I was parking to sleep and asked me if I wanted help. I went to a detox, then a rehab, then a sober house and finally was accepted back home. I’ve been clean and sober for over a year (absolutely no substances) thanks to aa. I can’t believe I’m saying something like this... but I’m literally glad I went through all that hell because I’m now living a better life than I could ever imagined. Feel free to ask me anything if I can help, I will.",Curtmando,1,0,1,2020-01-08 21:43:43,OpiatesRecovery,"Day three cold turkey... Day three cold turkey from snorting fentanyl laced heroin for 9 months. The hot and cold sweats are still lingering, restlessness still full tilt... no sleep yet. First poop this morning. I can't believe I'm enduring this. I never want to be controlled by this drug again. (UPDATE) Day 4 I've actually somehow pulled the courage out of my ass to go to my old club and do a half assed boxing workout. I then went to a friends house and sat in a hot epsom salt bath for 20 minutes. I picked up some red vein kratom at a local shop. Had a hot cup of that and staggered a few doses of gabapentin. All three Ended up working like a charm to be honest and I slept pretty damn well! (Update) The next day I picked up and used. Once I realized Kratom could ease withdrawals and not have to deal with the blocker crap... I went in hard until November 8th 2018. I got kicked out of my house, was living in my car, attempted suicide. And after living in what felt like hell, an old friend from high school came to where I was parking to sleep and asked me if I wanted help. I went to a detox, then a rehab, then a sober house and finally was accepted back home. I’ve been clean and sober for over a year (absolutely no substances) thanks to aa. I can’t believe I’m saying something like this... but I’m literally glad I went through all that hell because I’m now living a better life than I could ever imagined. Feel free to ask me anything if I can help, I will.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you are having withdrawls from quitting,,True,220 es445s,"(Long post) Grey area, not sure if this was or wasn't and need help for the next steps",0,help-seeking,3,"This is one of those stories where I feel like you need a lot of detail to understand it so this might get a tiny bit graphic and is going to be a very long story. Here's some background, I started dating this guy (we'll call him ex 2) very soon after the break up of a 2 year relationship with another guy (ex 1). Everyone involved (including me) is aged 18-19 This guy (ex 2) seemed to be a pretty perfect match for me, we had similar hobbies and interests to the point of some overlap but not too much, we both loved each other's personalities and bodies, he was kind and caring but strong, sex was great for both of us (he was the first person to manage to overcome the barrier from sexual assault at a much younger age that stopped me from enjoying sex as much), etc. The only noticeable issues were that the relationship moved a bit too quickly for me and he wasn't as cautious of boundaries as he probably should have been but nothing that set off any alarm bells, and it was his first actual relationship. Fast forward a month into the relationship and we were getting ready to go out when I told him that if I consented to sex later on (when drunk), it counted as consent (I am obviously aware that's not how it works with most people but I felt comfortable with that). We went out, had drinks with friends (I drank more than him because his meds meant he couldn't) and came back to my house and went to the bedroom. He tried to initiate sex for a few minutes before realising that it wouldn't go in without some lube. I think I said something like ""Its too cold, can we just have hugs?"" just before it went in. He had sex with me for about 2 or 3 minutes before I tapped out (we had a safe word but I struggle to speak during sex, I don't think he was fully aware of that at the time). He stopped and asked me if I tapped out, I nodded, then he asked what was wrong, I think I repeated what I said earlier. He then mentioned that he'd struggle to sleep if he didn't orgasm (this is a legitimate issue he has). I suggested he jerked off on me to which he replied that it would make a lot of mess so I said he could continue having sex with me. At some point soon after he started again he put a blanket over my top half (he has consistently said afterwards that this was to keep me warm because I complained I was cold, I believe he's being truthful about this). This however had the inadvertent effect of somewhat restraining me even though I only remember him holding down the blanket closest to him due to him needing to hold himself up. I believe him when he says it wasn't meant to restrain me in any way but it did and that meant that when I wanted to tap out again a minute or so later, I couldn't and therefore he kept going. I also found myself unable to say the safe word for the second time. After he finished he must have seen that I was a tiny bit unresponsive and asked how I was. I think I said it hurt a bit at first but felt good towards the end (I have difficulty orgasming to the point where it's a gamble and you have to do absolutely everything right but enjoy sex so it's normal for me to not finish). He said he was sorry it hurt at first but glad it felt good afterwards and after a few minutes we went to sleep. The next morning I brought it up with him but I think I downplayed it a lot to the point where it didn't seem too serious. He said/seemed sorry to have upset me but was under the impression it wasn't that severe, I don't think he'd realised exactly what had happened either so we both shrugged it off after a brief conversation and pretty much went about as normal though he definitely seemed a lot more cautious regarding whether or not I wanted sex after that incident. This wasn't to say everything was perfect (he crossed a boundary within one of our kinks a lot later on but it was an understandable mistake) but he definitely seemed to make an effort to not make the same mistake ever again. Fast forward to about a week into the new year and I haven't seen him since the 2nd of January. The effect that the incident had on me suddenly started to materialise and I broke down. I reached out to ex 1 (who was still friends with me) to talk about what happened in confidence because I didn't feel I could approach ex 2 about it and ex 1 never pushed anything I didn't want but we weren't the best match. Ex 1 really hates ex 2 because he feels like he broke up our relationship (he didn't really, though he did unintentionally catalyse the break up by just being there) so I knew he wouldn't be unbiased but I like ex 2 so much that I'm probably biased towards him myself. After speaking with him I decide to break up with ex 2 so I can both overcome the trauma that the incident has brought up (both from when I was sexually assaulted by an older child when I was still in primary school and from when I felt trapped and unable to do anything from the more recent unwanted experience) and fully get over my previous relationship which I realised I wasn't completely over around the same time. Ex 2 seemed upset but said he understood my reasoning and he agreed it was for the best. At the time I think I stressed me not being over my previous relationship (I don't want to restart it but I'm not ready to date others just yet) more than the incident so I think he saw that as the main reason. I don't really feel like myself anymore, I feel pretty helpless since I didn't feel like I could have done anything to stop that situation and it just happened. It feels like a part of me was taken away. I don't remember exactly how it happened but at some point I talked to him about how much the incident had actually affected me and he seemed genuinely devastated that he could have done something to hurt me like that. I mentioned from the beginning that it definitely feels like a grey area and there didn't seem to be any intent behind it therefore I'm not going to the police about it so he's not just pretending to be sorry to avoid that. He's normally fairly calm and collected but he's been a bit all over the place since, I even discovered recently that he was so upset with himself that he had self harmed the same night I told him how it had hurt me. There have been times where he seems certain he's effectively guilty of rape and times when he seems certain it doesn't fit the definition but makes a point of saying that doesn't mean what he did wasn't wrong and that it doesn't diminish the severity of the pain its caused me in any way. To add to all this he's also said countless times that he's willing to do literally anything to help me or make it up to me, even if it only helps a little bit and requires excessive effort on his part. We're still on friendly terms but have agreed to not message or see each other in private for a while so we can get our thoughts straight because I still feel like him being around influences me too much. I've had to hide his contact on my phone otherwise it's too tempting to talk with him. I'm currently trying to collect and make notes of my thoughts to take into counselling/therapy which I recently signed up for. To make things slightly more tricky, he's said that if I'm comfortable with him after therapy that he wants to try again. He's stated that he'd only want this to happen if I'm comfortable with it/want it and only after I've gone through therapy. He said the same thing about accepting forgiveness from me, he'll only accept it as true after I've been through therapy. I feel like the whole thing is in a grey area and don't know what to do about it. I'm going to therapy regardless and have suggested the idea of both going to therapy together (he agreed he'd definitely go if I wanted him to) but am still slightly unsure. If I do feel comfortable with him after therapy (I'm not now and don't know if I will be) should I give him a second chance? His promises to ensure nothing remotely like this happens again seem sincere and so do all of his apologies and offers to try and help but all that'll really help at the moment is giving me some space which is difficult for both of us to maintain. If anyone could offer any advice that would be greatly appreciated as I'm really unsure of everything at the moment.",MeganW71,1,0,0,2020-01-22 00:45:06,rapecounseling,"This is one of those stories where I feel like you need a lot of detail to understand it so this might get a tiny bit graphic and is going to be a very long story. Here's some background, I started dating this guy (we'll call him ex 2) very soon after the break up of a 2 year relationship with another guy (ex 1). Everyone involved (including me) is aged 18-19 This guy (ex 2) seemed to be a pretty perfect match for me, we had similar hobbies and interests to the point of some overlap but not too much, we both loved each other's personalities and bodies, he was kind and caring but strong, sex was great for both of us (he was the first person to manage to overcome the barrier from sexual assault at a much younger age that stopped me from enjoying sex as much), etc. The only noticeable issues were that the relationship moved a bit too quickly for me and he wasn't as cautious of boundaries as he probably should have been but nothing that set off any alarm bells, and it was his first actual relationship. Fast forward a month into the relationship and we were getting ready to go out when I told him that if I consented to sex later on (when drunk), it counted as consent (I am obviously aware that's not how it works with most people but I felt comfortable with that). We went out, had drinks with friends (I drank more than him because his meds meant he couldn't) and came back to my house and went to the bedroom. He tried to initiate sex for a few minutes before realising that it wouldn't go in without some lube. I think I said something like ""Its too cold, can we just have hugs?"" just before it went in. He had sex with me for about 2 or 3 minutes before I tapped out (we had a safe word but I struggle to speak during sex, I don't think he was fully aware of that at the time). He stopped and asked me if I tapped out, I nodded, then he asked what was wrong, I think I repeated what I said earlier. He then mentioned that he'd struggle to sleep if he didn't orgasm (this is a legitimate issue he has). I suggested he jerked off on me to which he replied that it would make a lot of mess so I said he could continue having sex with me. At some point soon after he started again he put a blanket over my top half (he has consistently said afterwards that this was to keep me warm because I complained I was cold, I believe he's being truthful about this). This however had the inadvertent effect of somewhat restraining me even though I only remember him holding down the blanket closest to him due to him needing to hold himself up. I believe him when he says it wasn't meant to restrain me in any way but it did and that meant that when I wanted to tap out again a minute or so later, I couldn't and therefore he kept going. I also found myself unable to say the safe word for the second time. After he finished he must have seen that I was a tiny bit unresponsive and asked how I was. I think I said it hurt a bit at first but felt good towards the end (I have difficulty orgasming to the point where it's a gamble and you have to do absolutely everything right but enjoy sex so it's normal for me to not finish). He said he was sorry it hurt at first but glad it felt good afterwards and after a few minutes we went to sleep. The next morning I brought it up with him but I think I downplayed it a lot to the point where it didn't seem too serious. He said/seemed sorry to have upset me but was under the impression it wasn't that severe, I don't think he'd realised exactly what had happened either so we both shrugged it off after a brief conversation and pretty much went about as normal though he definitely seemed a lot more cautious regarding whether or not I wanted sex after that incident. This wasn't to say everything was perfect (he crossed a boundary within one of our kinks a lot later on but it was an understandable mistake) but he definitely seemed to make an effort to not make the same mistake ever again. Fast forward to about a week into the new year and I haven't seen him since the 2nd of January. The effect that the incident had on me suddenly started to materialise and I broke down. I reached out to ex 1 (who was still friends with me) to talk about what happened in confidence because I didn't feel I could approach ex 2 about it and ex 1 never pushed anything I didn't want but we weren't the best match. Ex 1 really hates ex 2 because he feels like he broke up our relationship (he didn't really, though he did unintentionally catalyse the break up by just being there) so I knew he wouldn't be unbiased but I like ex 2 so much that I'm probably biased towards him myself. After speaking with him I decide to break up with ex 2 so I can both overcome the trauma that the incident has brought up (both from when I was sexually assaulted by an older child when I was still in primary school and from when I felt trapped and unable to do anything from the more recent unwanted experience) and fully get over my previous relationship which I realised I wasn't completely over around the same time. Ex 2 seemed upset but said he understood my reasoning and he agreed it was for the best. At the time I think I stressed me not being over my previous relationship (I don't want to restart it but I'm not ready to date others just yet) more than the incident so I think he saw that as the main reason. I don't really feel like myself anymore, I feel pretty helpless since I didn't feel like I could have done anything to stop that situation and it just happened. It feels like a part of me was taken away. I don't remember exactly how it happened but at some point I talked to him about how much the incident had actually affected me and he seemed genuinely devastated that he could have done something to hurt me like that. I mentioned from the beginning that it definitely feels like a grey area and there didn't seem to be any intent behind it therefore I'm not going to the police about it so he's not just pretending to be sorry to avoid that. He's normally fairly calm and collected but he's been a bit all over the place since, I even discovered recently that he was so upset with himself that he had self harmed the same night I told him how it had hurt me. There have been times where he seems certain he's effectively guilty of rape and times when he seems certain it doesn't fit the definition but makes a point of saying that doesn't mean what he did wasn't wrong and that it doesn't diminish the severity of the pain its caused me in any way. To add to all this he's also said countless times that he's willing to do literally anything to help me or make it up to me, even if it only helps a little bit and requires excessive effort on his part. We're still on friendly terms but have agreed to not message or see each other in private for a while so we can get our thoughts straight because I still feel like him being around influences me too much. I've had to hide his contact on my phone otherwise it's too tempting to talk with him. I'm currently trying to collect and make notes of my thoughts to take into counselling/therapy which I recently signed up for. To make things slightly more tricky, he's said that if I'm comfortable with him after therapy that he wants to try again. He's stated that he'd only want this to happen if I'm comfortable with it/want it and only after I've gone through therapy. He said the same thing about accepting forgiveness from me, he'll only accept it as true after I've been through therapy. I feel like the whole thing is in a grey area and don't know what to do about it. I'm going to therapy regardless and have suggested the idea of both going to therapy together (he agreed he'd definitely go if I wanted him to) but am still slightly unsure. If I do feel comfortable with him after therapy (I'm not now and don't know if I will be) should I give him a second chance? His promises to ensure nothing remotely like this happens again seem sincere and so do all of his apologies and offers to try and help but all that'll really help at the moment is giving me some space which is difficult for both of us to maintain. If anyone could offer any advice that would be greatly appreciated as I'm really unsure of everything at the moment.",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 eia52w,I stopped SH for a while and,1a,rant,1,It crescendoed (sp?!) my wife clocked on and banned me Essentially but I got a hammer and hit my ankle repeatedly . I want to hurt and feel I need to hurt but there’s no release. My therapist is okay with SH provided I m not extreme,chipperr_p,1,0,0,2019-12-31 22:50:47,selfharm,It crescendoed (sp?!) my wife clocked on and banned me Essentially but I got a hammer and hit my ankle repeatedly . I want to hurt and feel I need to hurt but there’s no release. My therapist is okay with SH provided I m not extreme,1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what made you do self harm,How did X make you feel?,harming yourself with the hammer,What do you need help with now that X?,you are unable to stop hurting yourself,,True,100 ensvyk,Locked fiance's computer... Help!,1b,help-seeking,3,"I hope you can give me some ideas/perspective. I just don't know what else to do anymore. I (F 35) am pregnant (33 weeks), we are getting married in 3 weeks and moving into our first house in 4 weeks. Since Christmas I've been in terrible pain and can hardly walk due to some medical issues with the pregnancy. I knew already that everything would be a bit too much with the wedding and the move but at least the pregnancy was okay until recently. My fiance (M 36) has had a gaming problem for quite a few years (we've been together 3 years, it was already bad when we started). He usually plays at least 6 hours each day and up to 14 hours. He has been trying to finish his MA degree for 6 years (only the thesis is left, this is possible where we live). He used to work a bit (just enough to barely support himself) but in April I offered to pay for all our expenses so he could concentrate on and finish his thesis. He has completed one big paper which was the only other requirement so the thesis is the only thing left. We moved in together a year and a half ago and are excited for this baby (it was planned, it is his first and my third (I have two kids from my previous marriage)). I do understand that his inability to finish his degree is paralyzing him (but he has made a lot of progress this past year) and I understand that baby, first house, marriage is a lot. But I can't take any more gaming. I work full time, I take care of my older kids, the pregnancy issues are driving me insane and I am organizing the whole wedding and move by myself. Today I made him promise to focus on his work and not spend all day gaming while I kept packing etc. I checked in on him every hour or so (to ask if he was hungry, to cuddle a bit, to ask him to help carry up a box) and all he did was play video games. After 6 hours I told him in a nice way that I am about to lose it. We have talked so many times about gaming less and I tried to support him/ yell / cry / try to show interest / ignore it... nothing has ever worked. He then went to sleep for two hours because this stressed him out too much. When I woke him up I told him I was scared to marry and have a baby with a gaming addict and that we need to work this out. I asked him what we should do and suggested we put the computer stuff and the play station away for a few days so he could either help with the packing or focus on his thesis (I know that is hard to do without a computer but maybe he could go to a library or something). Since I am gone most of the day that was the only idea I had to keep him from gaming. He still has his phone on which he can play but I hope it is not quite as entertaining. He thinks all of this is ridiculous and has left the house to go on a walk an hour ago. So here we are and I hope you have some insights on what I should do. I will not break up with him. I really really love him and he is a wonderful, smart, caring and great guy apart from this gaming addiction. I know I sound absolutely stupid and enabling etc. I have told him quite often that I would post on reddit and he said you would all say to ""drop that zero and get a hero"" but I really want to make this work. I believe in him and in our relationship and I think we can work this out, I just need some ideas on how to do that. I don't have any addictions and I never play video games so I just don't know how to help him limit it or if it needs to be cold turkey. He says he is so stressed out about this thesis that he has been playing video games to calm him down. But it's been SIX YEARS and he is super smart , a great writer and will get an A on it for sure. And he is almost finished. He has thought about just quitting but after all that money that we put into it and all the fights and worries etc., I would feel so horrible if he quit right at the finish line. Especially since I don't think it is just the thesis. What happens if he gives up and then just keeps playing video games 24/7. There is enough other stuff in our lives to keep stressing him so I think he needs to quit gaming before being able to help with the baby etc. So my questions are: Is it ridiculous/mean/controlling to lock his laptop and some equipment from his PC so he can't use it? What else can I do to help him? How do we proceed from here?",lockedcomputer,1,0,2,2020-01-12 20:27:55,addiction,"I hope you can give me some ideas/perspective. I just don't know what else to do anymore. I (F 35) am pregnant (33 weeks), we are getting married in 3 weeks and moving into our first house in 4 weeks. Since Christmas I've been in terrible pain and can hardly walk due to some medical issues with the pregnancy. I knew already that everything would be a bit too much with the wedding and the move but at least the pregnancy was okay until recently. My fiance (M 36) has had a gaming problem for quite a few years (we've been together 3 years, it was already bad when we started). He usually plays at least 6 hours each day and up to 14 hours. He has been trying to finish his MA degree for 6 years (only the thesis is left, this is possible where we live). He used to work a bit (just enough to barely support himself) but in April I offered to pay for all our expenses so he could concentrate on and finish his thesis. He has completed one big paper which was the only other requirement so the thesis is the only thing left. We moved in together a year and a half ago and are excited for this baby (it was planned, it is his first and my third (I have two kids from my previous marriage)). I do understand that his inability to finish his degree is paralyzing him (but he has made a lot of progress this past year) and I understand that baby, first house, marriage is a lot. But I can't take any more gaming. I work full time, I take care of my older kids, the pregnancy issues are driving me insane and I am organizing the whole wedding and move by myself. Today I made him promise to focus on his work and not spend all day gaming while I kept packing etc. I checked in on him every hour or so (to ask if he was hungry, to cuddle a bit, to ask him to help carry up a box) and all he did was play video games. After 6 hours I told him in a nice way that I am about to lose it. We have talked so many times about gaming less and I tried to support him/ yell / cry / try to show interest / ignore it... nothing has ever worked. He then went to sleep for two hours because this stressed him out too much. When I woke him up I told him I was scared to marry and have a baby with a gaming addict and that we need to work this out. I asked him what we should do and suggested we put the computer stuff and the play station away for a few days so he could either help with the packing or focus on his thesis (I know that is hard to do without a computer but maybe he could go to a library or something). Since I am gone most of the day that was the only idea I had to keep him from gaming. He still has his phone on which he can play but I hope it is not quite as entertaining. He thinks all of this is ridiculous and has left the house to go on a walk an hour ago. So here we are and I hope you have some insights on what I should do. I will not break up with him. I really really love him and he is a wonderful, smart, caring and great guy apart from this gaming addiction. I know I sound absolutely stupid and enabling etc. I have told him quite often that I would post on reddit and he said you would all say to ""drop that zero and get a hero"" but I really want to make this work. I believe in him and in our relationship and I think we can work this out, I just need some ideas on how to do that. I don't have any addictions and I never play video games so I just don't know how to help him limit it or if it needs to be cold turkey. He says he is so stressed out about this thesis that he has been playing video games to calm him down. But it's been SIX YEARS and he is super smart , a great writer and will get an A on it for sure. And he is almost finished. He has thought about just quitting but after all that money that we put into it and all the fights and worries etc., I would feel so horrible if he quit right at the finish line. Especially since I don't think it is just the thesis. What happens if he gives up and then just keeps playing video games 24/7. There is enough other stuff in our lives to keep stressing him so I think he needs to quit gaming before being able to help with the baby etc. So my questions are: Is it ridiculous/mean/controlling to lock his laptop and some equipment from his PC so he can't use it? What else can I do to help him? How do we proceed from here?",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 ej8mje,"Well, I got 5150’ed again",0,chitchat,1,I’m finally home from my trip through hell and back. I kind of just wanted to tell some strangers. I hope everyone is okay tonight.,holysmokesj,2,0,6,2020-01-03 02:23:04,BPD,I’m finally home from my trip through hell and back. I kind of just wanted to tell some strangers. I hope everyone is okay tonight.,1,0,1,Can you elaborate more on X ?,your trip through hell and back,How did X make you feel?,the incident,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you feel better,,True,101 ei92t3,Can anyone share their propanolol experience?,0,survey,2,"33 year old, pretty healthy male, first time poster in this sub. Never really considered myself an anxious person, but I'm always not in tune with that kind of stuff. I am borderline OCD (self-diagnosis) with stuff around the house and tend to get upper back/neck pain from what I always thought was poor posture and not tensing up. Anyhow, things kind of came to a head before Christmas. Woke up one morning with discomfort in my chest, left shoulder and arm. Mulled the idea of a heart attack over awhile, didn't think I was having one, but decided to go in anyway. Negative EKG, X-ray and Troponin tests. Still felt funny the Friday after Christmas (was having occasional palpitations and increase in HR, nothing crazy, talking 90-100 max and I'm normally around 70-75 ish I think). Went back in and they did more blood work, which was all normal. I still would have bouts of feeling ""off"" is how I would describe it. Pounding in my chest, not dizzy or lightheaded, but kind of off-balance or in a fish bowl type feeling. This came to a head at random times (meeting my fiance's parents, who I have known for years, for dinner and at the mall). I would typically always be fine when at home, outside of waking up a few times with a pounding/increased HR. Currently I'm about 24 hours into a 48-hour holter monitoring period. I went in to speak with a PA-C today and she prescribed me with 80mg extended release propanolol. Was kind of nervous about taking a ""heart medication"" and asked why I wasn't being prescribed something more traditional to anxiety. She mentioned not being ready to say that I had an anxiety disorder and that this was a good place to start. She said I could take it as needed or daily (but advised to wait until after the holter monitoring results came back unless I really needed to take it). From what I've seen in a few other threads, it looks like a lot of people here were on much smaller doses. 80mg seems like a lot. Long story short: So far, based on all the tests, they don't think it's a heart issue. Holter monitoring will help confirm. So that basically leaves some form of anxiety, but I have no idea what triggered it suddenly. I have a had a big life-changing moment recently (getting engaged), but that's about all I can attribute as far as changes. Anyhow, just wondering if anyone can share their propanolol experiences. How long did you need to take it? Any bad side effects? Did you take it daily or as needed? Anything else I should know? Thanks much!",hellomynameisjordan,1,0,4,2019-12-31 21:25:03,Anxiety,"33 year old, pretty healthy male, first time poster in this sub. Never really considered myself an anxious person, but I'm always not in tune with that kind of stuff. I am borderline OCD (self-diagnosis) with stuff around the house and tend to get upper back/neck pain from what I always thought was poor posture and not tensing up. Anyhow, things kind of came to a head before Christmas. Woke up one morning with discomfort in my chest, left shoulder and arm. Mulled the idea of a heart attack over awhile, didn't think I was having one, but decided to go in anyway. Negative EKG, X-ray and Troponin tests. Still felt funny the Friday after Christmas (was having occasional palpitations and increase in HR, nothing crazy, talking 90-100 max and I'm normally around 70-75 ish I think). Went back in and they did more blood work, which was all normal. I still would have bouts of feeling ""off"" is how I would describe it. Pounding in my chest, not dizzy or lightheaded, but kind of off-balance or in a fish bowl type feeling. This came to a head at random times (meeting my fiance's parents, who I have known for years, for dinner and at the mall). would typically always be fine when at home, outside of waking up a few times with a pounding/increased HR. Currently I'm about 24 hours into a 48-hour holter monitoring period. I went in to speak with a PA-C today and she prescribed me with 80mg extended release propanolol. Was kind of nervous about taking a ""heart medication"" and asked why I wasn't being prescribed something more traditional to anxiety. She mentioned not being ready to say that I had an anxiety disorder and that this was a good place to start. She said I could take it as needed or daily (but advised to wait until after the holter monitoring results came back unless I really needed to take it). From what I've seen in a few other threads, it looks like a lot of people here were on much smaller doses. 80mg seems like a lot. Long story short: So far, based on all the tests, they don't think it's a heart issue. Holter monitoring will help confirm. So that basically leaves some form of anxiety, but I have no idea what triggered it suddenly. I have a had a big life-changing moment recently (getting engaged), but that's about all I can attribute as far as changes. Anyhow, just wondering if anyone can share their propanolol experiences. How long did you need to take it? Any bad side effects? Did you take it daily or as needed? Anything else I should know? Thanks much!",2,2,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,222 f77qq6,Am I a bad person?,1a,help-seeking,2,"Throwaway account for obvious reasons. I've been abusive, twice now. Not to my girlfriend, but to her son whom I've helped raise for almost 3 years now. It has always been frustrating trying to get him to be comfortable, or relax and be playful in the way he is with his mom (he is now almost 5). But in the last month, on two occasions my anger at him closing himself off, and not being comfortable (out of his control I know) has led to bruises on two occasions. They were short outbursts, I didn't sit there and think he deserves a spanking (second time not a spanking but his face). But my rage in the moment led to violent outbursts. I've read comments in this community saying it's ok to feel all different emotions towards your kids (not my kid, but damn close, and I was ready to propose before this month). Comments saying as long as you don't act on your anger you're not a bad person. I've never been violent in any other relationship. I have had anger issues that I guess I suppressed and should have dealt with earlier, but nothing like this. Now the love of my life wants to leave not because she doesn't love me anymore but because she and her son both can't trust me. I can't blame them. But I just want to prove I'm not a bad person. I already got a second chance. I don't deserve another one but I'm begging her for it. I needed to vent and hopefully find some help. Thank you for taking the time to read this M, 25",myangerisaproblem,1,0,14,2020-02-21 07:32:32,Anger,"Throwaway account for obvious reasons. I've been abusive, twice now. Not to my girlfriend, but to her son whom I've helped raise for almost 3 years now. It has always been frustrating trying to get him to be comfortable, or relax and be playful in the way he is with his mom (he is now almost 5). But in the last month, on two occasions my anger at him closing himself off, and not being comfortable (out of his control I know) has led to bruises on two occasions. They were short outbursts, I didn't sit there and think he deserves a spanking (second time not a spanking but his face). But my rage in the moment led to violent outbursts. I've read comments in this community saying it's ok to feel all different emotions towards your kids (not my kid, but damn close, and I was ready to propose before this month). Comments saying as long as you don't act on your anger you're not a bad person. I've never been violent in any other relationship. I have had anger issues that I guess I suppressed and should have dealt with earlier, but nothing like this. Now the love of my life wants to leave not because she doesn't love me anymore but because she and her son both can't trust me. I can't blame them. But I just want to prove I'm not a bad person. I already got a second chance. I don't deserve another one but I'm begging her for it. I needed to vent and hopefully find some help. Thank you for taking the time to read this M, 25",2,0,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,the anger outbursts on the child,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help control the anger,,True,201 favyka,How can I stop being angry and bitter at my parents?,1a,help-seeking,3,"My parents tried their best but there are a number of ways in which they utterly failed to prepare me for the world. I feel like I'm spending all of my 20's working to fill in the gaps and I find myself so angry and bitter that so many of my friends got so much help from their parents while I'm having to struggle to do it on my own. I don't want to sound like a spoiled brat, because I'm fully aware there are people who had it way worse than me, there are people with abusive parents, kids who had to raise their siblings, who had to drop out of high school to work, foster kids, my story is not like that but I still feel like my parents have failed me. I am 27 years old and I want to bike to work because I never get any exercise. Well for the past month I have been trying to teach myself how to ride a bike because I never learned. I remember having a bike when I was little and thought I had just forgot how to ride. Well I asked my dad and it turns out according to him I never learned and he said in a gentle mocking way that I couldn't steer. I asked why he didn't help me learn and he said it was ""self-guided"" learning. What the fuck does that mean? How do you expect a little kid to learn skills without help? Why wasn't he willing to give me the help I needed? And now I have to spend all this time making up for it just so I can learn something I should already know so I can just be equal playing field with my peers. It goes on and on. Asked my dad to get me a new mattress because my old one had exposed springs poking me in the ass and he made my brother do it. Basically teaching me that if I ever ask for help it will be a burden on other people struggling. Asked either parent for money for school activities and they would fret and sometimes produce it sometimes not, grill me about what the money was for, eventually I stopped asking for it. I feel like I was expected to be an adult way too early but without any of the resources adults need. As I got older I learned to not ask for help even though they kept telling me to ask for help when I needed it because they would never give me the help I needed. Dad would offer to drive me then act like it was a huge burden to do so. Mom would offer help but then lecture me about how dangerous whatever I was doing was when I asked. Paid for college myself. Dad offers to help sometimes but when I ask for money he says he'll give it to me but then never does. Mom is a constant stream of worry about me commuting into the city and only advice she can give me is to not go into alleys at night, over and over, nothing actually useful. No health insurance, asked my dad to put me on his work insurance, he wants me to pay the difference that would cost and I don't have that money, but i can't have state insurance because he makes too much money. Stop going to the doctor. Gave myself sex ed with Wikipedia because neither parent nor school will do it beyond abstinence only and even if they did they would probably do a bad job. Looking up words like ""labia"" and ""clitoris"" because I am tired of not knowing. Tired of being ignorant and unprepared. Taking myself to the gynecologist for the first time, alone, at age 23. When I told my mom she asked how they could perform a pap smear when my hymen was still intact, then almost started crying at the thought that maybe my hymen *wasn't* intact. Couldn't learn how to drive because my dad made me learn on a stick shift and the learning curve was too steep in an area with many many hills. Got my license almost instantly as soon as he got a new car (automatic) because the handicap was gone. Had to learn how to manage money myself because they got a six-figure inheritance when I was in middle school and pissed it away by the time I was in high school. Had to learn how to eat healthy on my own because my mom is severely overweight and my dad gave himself diabetes from eating junk. Had to learn how to cook myself because my dad insists cooking raw chicken in the microwave is fine. Had to learn about sex and relationships completely on my own because all my parents wanted to do was warn me away from abusive relationships without actually teaching me how to interact with people in a positive way. Only taught me how to be suspicious and fearful of other people. Had to learn how to be professional and get a job myself because they both have trouble holding down a job and gave me career advice that would have gotten me blacklisted from my university's career network. My dad keeps advising me to buy a house when I know I am not in a position to pay a mortgage. Had to learn how to travel on my own because neither of them have even seen a US passport. It just goes on and on. I feel like everything I am now is because I decided to buck the fuck up and decide for myself without any help from anyone else. It has given me a wonderful sense of self-determination and independence but I get so bitter thinking about how far I could be in life right now if only I had gotten the help I needed, the resources that could have made everything so much easier for me. And I don't want to be mad at them. Because they tried their best. They really did. And being angry isn't going to help anything. It's just going to make me a depressed and bitter person, and I don't want to be that. I want to be a positive and steady person for other people to depend on. How can I get over it?",Lady_Groudon,1,0,2,2020-02-28 15:01:52,getting_over_it,"My parents tried their best but there are a number of ways in which they utterly failed to prepare me for the world. I feel like I'm spending all of my 20's working to fill in the gaps and I find myself so angry and bitter that so many of my friends got so much help from their parents while I'm having to struggle to do it on my own. I don't want to sound like a spoiled brat, because I'm fully aware there are people who had it way worse than me, there are people with abusive parents, kids who had to raise their siblings, who had to drop out of high school to work, foster kids, my story is not like that but I still feel like my parents have failed me. I am 27 years old and I want to bike to work because I never get any exercise. Well for the past month I have been trying to teach myself how to ride a bike because I never learned. I remember having a bike when I was little and thought I had just forgot how to ride. Well I asked my dad and it turns out according to him I never learned and he said in a gentle mocking way that I couldn't steer. I asked why he didn't help me learn and he said it was ""self-guided"" learning. What the fuck does that mean? How do you expect a little kid to learn skills without help? Why wasn't he willing to give me the help I needed? And now I have to spend all this time making up for it just so I can learn something I should already know so I can just be equal playing field with my peers. It goes on and on. Asked my dad to get me a new mattress because my old one had exposed springs poking me in the ass and he made my brother do it. Basically teaching me that if I ever ask for help it will be a burden on other people struggling. Asked either parent for money for school activities and they would fret and sometimes produce it sometimes not, grill me about what the money was for, eventually I stopped asking for it. I feel like I was expected to be an adult way too early but without any of the resources adults need. As I got older I learned to not ask for help even though they kept telling me to ask for help when I needed it because they would never give me the help I needed. Dad would offer to drive me then act like it was a huge burden to do so. Mom would offer help but then lecture me about how dangerous whatever I was doing was when I asked. Paid for college myself. Dad offers to help sometimes but when I ask for money he says he'll give it to me but then never does. Mom is a constant stream of worry about me commuting into the city and only advice she can give me is to not go into alleys at night, over and over, nothing actually useful. No health insurance, asked my dad to put me on his work insurance, he wants me to pay the difference that would cost and I don't have that money, but i can't have state insurance because he makes too much money. Stop going to the doctor. Gave myself sex ed with Wikipedia because neither parent nor school will do it beyond abstinence only and even if they did they would probably do a bad job. Looking up words like ""labia"" and ""clitoris"" because I am tired of not knowing. Tired of being ignorant and unprepared. Taking myself to the gynecologist for the first time, alone, at age 23. When I told my mom she asked how they could perform a pap smear when my hymen was still intact, then almost started crying at the thought that maybe my hymen *wasn't* intact. Couldn't learn how to drive because my dad made me learn on a stick shift and the learning curve was too steep in an area with many many hills. Got my license almost instantly as soon as he got a new car (automatic) because the handicap was gone. Had to learn how to manage money myself because they got a six-figure inheritance when I was in middle school and pissed it away by the time I was in high school. Had to learn how to eat healthy on my own because my mom is severely overweight and my dad gave himself diabetes from eating junk. Had to learn how to cook myself because my dad insists cooking raw chicken in the microwave is fine. Had to learn about sex and relationships completely on my own because all my parents wanted to do was warn me away from abusive relationships without actually teaching me how to interact with people in a positive way. Only taught me how to be suspicious and fearful of other people. Had to learn how to be professional and get a job myself because they both have trouble holding down a job and gave me career advice that would have gotten me blacklisted from my university's career network. My dad keeps advising me to buy a house when I know I am not in a position to pay a mortgage. Had to learn how to travel on my own because neither of them have even seen a US passport. It just goes on and on. I feel like everything I am now is because I decided to buck the fuck up and decide for myself without any help from anyone else. It has given me a wonderful sense of self-determination and independence but I get so bitter thinking about how far I could be in life right now if only I had gotten the help I needed, the resources that could have made everything so much easier for me. And I don't want to be mad at them. Because they tried their best. They really did. And being angry isn't going to help anything. It's just going to make me a depressed and bitter person, and I don't want to be that. I want to be a positive and steady person for other people to depend on. How can I get over it?",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 emry1e,How do I feel catharsis again?,1b,help-seeking,1,"I'm literally feeling 24/7 pain for 5 years straight now over how empty my life feels (Been striving to fix it to the point of constant exhaustion and losing sleep, but no results yet) and how much people tell me the world is horrible and not worth living in (Getting new friends hasn't helped, and keeping on top of hobbies online like film and games people are either focusing their work on these issues or screaming about them in despair on Twitter and in essays on news sites). Jokes, comics, or humorous videos and the like about these issues make me feel worse, as does positivity and encouragement regarding them because I don't believe them and think we're all fucked. Therapy (Both single and group) haven't helped, nor has hospitalization, meditation, medication, or yoga. Brain and blood tests show no chemical imbalances. Family doesn't want to talk to me any more because apparently I'm so down it's impacted their mental health. What am I doing wrong by this point?",artistress,1,0,1,2020-01-10 14:51:04,getting_over_it,"I'm literally feeling 24/7 pain for 5 years straight now over how empty my life feels (Been striving to fix it to the point of constant exhaustion and losing sleep, but no results yet) and how much people tell me the world is horrible and not worth living in (Getting new friends hasn't helped, and keeping on top of hobbies online like film and games people are either focusing their work on these issues or screaming about them in despair on Twitter and in essays on news sites). Jokes, comics, or humorous videos and the like about these issues make me feel worse, as does positivity and encouragement regarding them because I don't believe them and think we're all fucked. Therapy (Both single and group) haven't helped, nor has hospitalization, meditation, medication, or yoga. Brain and blood tests show no chemical imbalances. Family doesn't want to talk to me any more because apparently I'm so down it's impacted their mental health. What am I doing wrong by this point?",1,2,1,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why your life feels empty,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you improve your life,,True,121 emp5i5,Does anyone else get a sudden fear that you’re drunk when you’re completely sober and haven’t had a drink in ages?,0,survey,1,It’s odd - it’s just a sudden “oh no” and a wave of “the fear” at random moments when I’m carrying about my day and haven’t even thought of alcohol. It’s only been 5 days but it’s unsettling to say the least. Does anyone else experience this/does it go away after a longer period?,bowlbysaur,1,0,31,2020-01-10 10:27:18,alcoholicsanonymous,Does anyone else get a sudden fear that you’re drunk when you’re completely sober and haven’t had a drink in ages? It’s odd - it’s just a sudden “oh no” and a wave of “the fear” at random moments when I’m carrying about my day and haven’t even thought of alcohol. It’s only been 5 days but it’s unsettling to say the least. Does anyone else experience this/does it go away after a longer period?,2,1,2,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how the wave of fear makes you feel,,,,True,212 f4k3h1,Girlfriend cheated on me and now I have no one to talk to,1b,help-seeking,2," So my girlfriend and I finished our relationship of over 3 years a few months ago and it was very amicable. We continued talking on the phone often and that connection is exactly as much interaction as I needed to stave off my loneliness. Then I found out she was cheating on me the last few months of our relationship and my world blew up. She was the second girl in my entire life that I ever trusted and I never thought she could do this to me. I didn’t confront her but I did break off all contact with her. So far, it has been hard and I keep thinking that I should go back to talking to her because at least it’s better than nothing. Some background: I have always dealt with loneliness and when I was with her that feeling almost completely left. And then even after we broke up, just having her to talk to everyday kept that loneliness at bay. Now that I don’t have her to talk to I am finding myself back to where I am constantly lonely and depressed. I forgot how bad it was for me and I don’t know how I will handle this again. I am currently in school doing clinical rotations at a hospital living in a tiny town of 15,000 where I know no one and my nearest friend is 4 hours away. I’ve lost contact with my old close friends and I don’t want my parents to worry. So I fell that I have no one right now.",breskin1,1,0,10,2020-02-16 02:30:54,getting_over_it," So my girlfriend and I finished our relationship of over 3 years a few months ago and it was very amicable. We continued talking on the phone often and that connection is exactly as much interaction as I needed to stave off my loneliness. Then I found out she was cheating on me the last few months of our relationship and my world blew up. She was the second girl in my entire life that I ever trusted and I never thought she could do this to me. I didn’t confront her but I did break off all contact with her. So far, it has been hard and I keep thinking that I should go back to talking to her because at least it’s better than nothing. Some background: I have always dealt with loneliness and when I was with her that feeling almost completely left. And then even after we broke up, just having her to talk to everyday kept that loneliness at bay. Now that I don’t have her to talk to I am finding myself back to where I am constantly lonely and depressed. I forgot how bad it was for me and I don’t know how I will handle this again. I am currently in school doing clinical rotations at a hospital living in a tiny town of 15,000 where I know no one and my nearest friend is 4 hours away. I’ve lost contact with my old close friends and I don’t want my parents to worry. So I fell that I have no one right no.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel very lonely,,True,220 es10xn,I can't stop talking about my pain to everyone.,1a,rant,1,"I don't know how to stop, but it's what I think of ANY time I don't have something immediately preoccupying my thoughts. It's just a big spiral. Maybe I need to write more, but I just feel wronged and want to be heard. I do want to get better.",throw-throw-no-catch,1,0,19,2020-01-21 21:04:19,selfhelp,"I can't stop talking about my pain to everyone. I don't know how to stop, but it's what I think of ANY time I don't have something immediately preoccupying my thoughts. It's just a big spiral. Maybe I need to write more, but I just feel wronged and want to be heard. I do want to get better.",2,1,1,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how did talking about your pain,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you get better,,True,211 esxwm4,"Always stressed about things, how do you manage your stress?",0,help-seeking,1,,Nandamarks,1,0,5,2020-01-23 19:20:43,selfhelp,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,,True,000 ejvgzk,Lecture du 4 Janvier - Réflexions Quotidiennes,0,chitchat,5,,RisingChadows,1,0,0,2020-01-04 11:14:01,alcoholicsanonymous,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eimk1o,My FP isn’t my SO and I feel like it’s cheating,1a,survey,1,"i’ve been with my SO for a year now and I am so in love with him and I want to be with him forever, but he isn’t my FP? I am obsessed with him obviously but there’s some things I can’t tell him because I know he doesn’t understand or relate. My FP is an internet/irl friend who also suffers from mental illness so we both bond and share our experiences over it and I am obsessed with my FP and I get really chaotic when he doesn’t reply when I need him. It’s almost as if I’m CLINGING to him. I don’t feel any attraction to him at all, but I still feel like I’m like emotionally cheating on my SO even though I’m not. I just feel if my SO was my FP I would fall apart if anything went wrong. I just feel really bad about it and I know it’s because I’m overthinking but I always see that most people’s FP is there SOs and I feel like what i’m doing is wrong almost? Is anyone else’s FP not there SO?",nintemdogs,1,0,5,2020-01-01 19:35:01,BPD,"i’ve been with my SO for a year now and I am so in love with him and I want to be with him forever, but he isn’t my FP? I am obsessed with him obviously but there’s some things I can’t tell him because I know he doesn’t understand or relate. My FP is an internet/irl friend who also suffers from mental illness so we both bond and share our experiences over it and I am obsessed with my FP and I get really chaotic when he doesn’t reply when I need him. It’s almost as if I’m CLINGING to him. I don’t feel any attraction to him at all, but I still feel like I’m like emotionally cheating on my SO even though I’m not. I just feel if my SO was my FP I would fall apart if anything went wrong. I just feel really bad about it and I know it’s because I’m overthinking but I always see that most people’s FP is there SOs and I feel like what i’m doing is wrong almost? Is anyone else’s FP not there SO?",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you not feel you are emotionally cheating,,True,221 elfocq,"I feel my PCP has failed me, am I wrong? [22F]",1b,help-seeking,2,"I got to review my medical records today, for the very first time, and noticed that my primary care physician recorded several entries of depression during my adolescence (from 2012-2017)... Please take into account that the records only dated back to 2012, they didn't go further back and I had been seen for several years prior as well. The records note that I had psychotherapy 9 times, of which I have no recollection at all... I'm told by my mother that they had recommended putting me on antidepressants but she decided not to. I started going to therapy in 2017 after I had my daughter but found it extremely difficult to form a trusting relationship with clinicians so I was going on and off, very few amount of times, until this past year. My marriage fell apart after I had my daughter because I'd be constantly irritated in general, I dreaded affection, and ESPECIALLY hated anything that included other people around me. Everything has slowly left me to say the truth. I don't know who I am today (except being a mother and wife), I don't know who I want to be, what I want to do, I don't know what I believe in. I remember being so spiritual when I was a child, and I've tried going back to church but I don't feel anything whatsoever. At all. It kind of breaks my heart to know that I used to be this loving, caring, sweet, selfless girl, and now I hate everyone and everything (except my daughter). The last couple of months of 2019 were just a big throbbing headache with constant, unwanted thoughts of suicide, just not being here honestly. So things got really heavy and I decided to go to a counselor because I feared for what I could do if I didn't get help. So, I went to my ""first"" session and this time, I did have a lot to talk about. He said that from only this first session, he got the impression that it was possible that the sexual abuse in my past from multiple people including a family member that assaulted me while I was asleep when I was 12 (2009) was just breaking through. ""Trauma lives in the body"". I guess that did answer why I hate people so much and distrust everyone. Anyway, I guess my point here is I am so upset and I feel that I was uncared for and/or given up on by my parents and my PCP. In regards to my PCP, they noted that I had PPD in 2017, and yet they never addressed anything or even tell me wtf I was going through. Alas, they are a community clinic... My counselor referred me to a psychiatrist for anti-depressants but it'll be a couple weeks until I see her. I'm looking for feedback on this, because otherwise I will spiral. I have so much resentment to the adults that were around me.",mariaj97,1,0,0,2020-01-07 18:42:49,mentalillness,"I got to review my medical records today, for the very first time, and noticed that my primary care physician recorded several entries of depression during my adolescence (from 2012-2017)... Please take into account that the records only dated back to 2012, they didn't go further back and I had been seen for several years prior as well. The records note that I had psychotherapy 9 times, of which I have no recollection at all... I'm told by my mother that they had recommended putting me on antidepressants but she decided not to. I started going to therapy in 2017 after I had my daughter but found it extremely difficult to form a trusting relationship with clinicians so I was going on and off, very few amount of times, until this past year. My marriage fell apart after I had my daughter because I'd be constantly irritated in general, I dreaded affection, and ESPECIALLY hated anything that included other people around me. Everything has slowly left me to say the truth. I don't know who I am today (except being a mother and wife), I don't know who I want to be, what I want to do, I don't know what I believe in. I remember being so spiritual when I was a child, and I've tried going back to church but I don't feel anything whatsoever. At all. It kind of breaks my heart to know that I used to be this loving, caring, sweet, selfless girl, and now I hate everyone and everything (except my daughter). The last couple of months of 2019 were just a big throbbing headache with constant, unwanted thoughts of suicide, just not being here honestly. So things got really heavy and I decided to go to a counselor because I feared for what I could do if I didn't get help. So, I went to my ""first"" session and this time, I did have a lot to talk about. He said that from only this first session, he got the impression that it was possible that the sexual abuse in my past from multiple people including a family member that assaulted me while I was asleep when I was 12 (2009) was just breaking through. ""Trauma lives in the body"". I guess that did answer why I hate people so much and distrust everyone. Anyway, I guess my point here is I am so upset and I feel that I was uncared for and/or given up on by my parents and my PCP. In regards to my PCP, they noted that I had PPD in 2017, and yet they never addressed anything or even tell me wtf I was going through. Alas, they are a community clinic... My counselor referred me to a psychiatrist for anti-depressants but it'll be a couple weeks until I see her. I'm looking for feedback on this, because otherwise I will spiral. I have so much resentment to the adults that were around me.",2,2,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what could help relieve your depression,,True,221 ekfhvw,"TRIGGERS: Academic paper in comic form explores ethics of treating torturer with PTSD - It's part of a growing academic movement called ""graphic medicine.""",0,chitchat,2,">Is it possible to ethically treat someone with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) developed as a result of inflicting torture on others? That's the question posed in a paper published last summer in AJOB Neuroscience, but there's a twist. The paper is written and illustrated as a comic book by Lehigh University artist and neuroscientist Ann E. Fink. > >Fink is part of a growing movement called ""graphic medicine,"" a term coined back in 2007 by physician and comics artist Ian Williams to describe the use of comics to enhance both professional and general public discourse on healthcare issues. Comics may be a form of visual rhetoric ideal for medical education and patient care, and proponents include M.K. Czerwiec, aka ""Comic Nurse,"" who worked in an HIV hospice at the height of the AIDS epidemic. When the clinic closed in 2000, she struggled to find an outlet to express the bittersweet emotions she was feeling, but she found the comic format was perfect. https://arstechnica.com/science/2020/01/revisiting-franz-fanons-police-inspector-ptsd-case-study-in-comic-form/",BlueAzzure,1,0,0,2020-01-05 16:52:49,ptsd,">Is it possible to ethically treat someone with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) developed as a result of inflicting torture on others? That's the question posed in a paper published last summer in AJOB Neuroscience, but there's a twist. The paper is written and illustrated as a comic book by Lehigh University artist and neuroscientist Ann E. Fink. > >Fink is part of a growing movement called ""graphic medicine,"" a term coined back in 2007 by physician and comics artist Ian Williams to describe the use of comics to enhance both professional and general public discourse on healthcare issues. Comics may be a form of visual rhetoric ideal for medical education and patient care, and proponents include M.K. Czerwiec, aka ""Comic Nurse,"" who worked in an HIV hospice at the height of the AIDS epidemic. When the clinic closed in 2000, she struggled to find an outlet to express the bittersweet emotions she was feeling, but she found the comic format was perfect. https://arstechnica.com/science/2020/01/revisiting-franz-fanons-police-inspector-ptsd-case-study-in-comic-form/",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 f47vif,Give me one good reason why I shouldn't want to beat the absolute shit out of tryhard gamers,1c,rant,1,Title. one of these day's I'll find one of them and beat the absolute piss out of one of them. I'll b edoing their parents a favor honestly,ydtd1234,1,0,26,2020-02-15 10:47:00,Anger,Give me one good reason why I shouldn't want to beat the absolute shit out of tryhard gamers Title. one of these day's I'll find one of them and beat the absolute piss out of one of them. I'll b edoing their parents a favor honestly,0,0,2,What happened that you want X ?,want to beat try hard gamers,Why are you wanting X ?,to beat try hard gamers,,,,True,002 eo04se,To those who knew him...,0,chitchat,1,Recently we lost a fellow redditor. HiAnxiety passed away. I know he was frequently in this sub as well as several others for many years.,AvaAdoreSmashing,1,0,10,2020-01-13 06:01:31,OpiatesRecovery,Recently we lost a fellow redditor. HiAnxiety passed away. I know he was frequently in this sub as well as several others for many years.,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ejlzzn,Anyone knows what this is,1a,help-seeking,1,Since i was like 12 i had thoughts about dying and killing myself but i never really tried anything. I thought it could be the passive suicidal ideation but that usually comes with depression or bipolar d. That i dont have. I dont even think i want to be dead its more like i think i should be? Anyone knows what this could be? Thankyou:),tespu123,1,0,4,2020-01-03 21:23:15,mentalillness,Since i was like 12 i had thoughts about dying and killing myself but i never really tried anything. I thought it could be the passive suicidal ideation but that usually comes with depression or bipolar d. That i dont have. I dont even think i want to be dead its more like i think i should be? Anyone knows what this could be? Thankyou:),1,0,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,the suicidal thoughts,,,suicidal,True,102 ektbv3,"How did you come to accept you might need to take meds to help you get better, and that that's okay?",1b,help-seeking,1,"I come from a long history of depression and anxiety, took antidepressants/ansiolitics for about 5 years (from 18-23) and have been off meds for about 3 years now. Then last September I experienced the traumatic experience and haven't been able to be myself since then. My therapist said I might need to see a psychiatrist again (I stopped going to the one who prescribed me the meds back when I was younger) and I'm beating myself up for the possibility of needing meds again. I know they can help but i can't help but feel contaminated by everyone who says pills are bad for you, that I should just suck it up and blah blah blah even though I know, consciously, that that's bullshit. I think most people who had to take meds understand the feeling. I was proud for going on 3 years without having to take pills and I'm afraid this kind of thinking will prevent me from getting better. How do you deal with this?",wholesomemememes,1,0,7,2020-01-06 12:10:23,ptsd,"I come from a long history of depression and anxiety, took antidepressants/ansiolitics for about 5 years (from 18-23) and have been off meds for about 3 years now. Then last September I experienced the traumatic experience and haven't been able to be myself since then. My therapist said I might need to see a psychiatrist again (I stopped going to the one who prescribed me the meds back when I was younger) and I'm beating myself up for the possibility of needing meds again. I know they can help but i can't help but feel contaminated by everyone who says pills are bad for you, that I should just suck it up and blah blah blah even though I know, consciously, that that's bullshit. I think most people who had to take meds understand the feeling. I was proud for going on 3 years without having to take pills and I'm afraid this kind of thinking will prevent me from getting better. How do you deal with this?",2,2,2,,,,,,,,True,222 ekwden,Day 6!,0,chitchat,1,Yesssss! c: I'm almost to a week! I'm super proud of myself. I almost can't believe that I've made it this far. I was shooting up at least a half G for the past year on the daily. Fuck. It feels good to be clean. I'm through the worst of withdrawals. Yesss! c:,each_ranch,1,0,11,2020-01-06 16:28:48,OpiatesRecovery,Yesssss! c: I'm almost to a week! I'm super proud of myself. I almost can't believe that I've made it this far. I was shooting up at least a half G for the past year on the daily. Fuck. It feels good to be clean. I'm through the worst of withdrawals. Yesss! c:,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ei9n36,Don't let the darkness in your mind change your feelings,0,chitchat,1,It's a quote someone said to me a long ago. Maybe some of you can find it useful,Brutankara,1,0,2,2019-12-31 22:10:37,depression,It's a quote someone said to me a long ago. Maybe some of you can find it useful,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 f2atts,Feeling like I'm failing at recovery—,1b,help-seeking,3,"(TW: sexual abuse, physical violence, suicidal ideation) Hey all. This is my first time posting here, but I'd love to get perspectives from both survivors of sexual violence and romantic partners of survivors. Thank you in advance if you read the whole spiel. I really didn't mean to write out my whole fucking story, but I haven't shared it in a long time. 😅 I'm (24f) currently living on my own. I have been in a wonderfully healthy, communicative, and committed relationship for the past 2 years with a lovely partner, but I have a lot of wounds that I'm still trying to heal from my past. On a rational level, I do not like to compare trauma, or believe that one's feelings are less valid because what happened to them was ""not as bad"" as the next person over. However, on an emotional level, I still struggle with seeing what happened to me as something that was completely undeserved, and I struggle to validate my pain. I was coerced into having sex for the first time at the age of 16 by an older schoolmate, and I subsequently had many issues relating to PTSD and attachment issues that affected my future relationships. One high school relationship that continued through my first year of college was with a guy who I truly believe had some issues of his own— I used to dissociate at times during sex while experiencing flashbacks and become physically unresponsive. He would continue having sex with me during those moments, telling me I needed to ""learn how to say no"" because another guy could take advantage of me when he wasn't around and wouldn't ""understand"" my issues. Sometimes, I became incredibly distressed or suicidal when re-experiencing my trauma and I would inevitably claw at myself. He used to try to stop me, but then eventually he scratched me to try to get me to ""snap out of"" my flashbacks or suicidal spells, and eventually, tried choking me as a means of ""grounding"" me or ""scaring"" me out of wanting to die. Pain during sex triggered me, and I tried to do exposure sessions in which he'd pinch me and inflict minor pain in order to desensitise me to pain, which he deemed was ""normal."" Even now, I believe he genuinely thought he was helping me, I really think he was that sick. And so was I. I feel incredibly ashamed of bringing up these incidents, especially the choking, because I didn't try to stop him at first. I was so depressed and desperate, I went along with anything. Eventually, when I got to college away from him, I did tell him that choking me didn't help, and that I thought we should stop. He agreed. But, it was only a month or two later when one night, I woke up, panicking, (I realize now) craving comfort, and begging him to let me die. He woke up to this, and started choking me again. I was caught off-guard. I... I'm sure many of you know the feeling, but the world became strangely silent, and I started seeing stars (or sparkles). I think i was about to black out, but suddenly, he stopped. At the time, I'll admit that I had started cheating on him with a college friend of mine. After that incident, I told the friend and he simply said, ""You could have died."" Somehow, that brought me to reality, and I knew I had to let him go. I returned home at the end of my freshman year and tried to break up with him. He ended up coercing me into having sex one last time with him. It felt like rape to me; he physically stopped me from going up the stairs after I told him to leave with a subtle touch from his hands, and by that point, I didn't feel like I had a choice. I think I was just so brainwashed and conditioned. But I still blame myself for not being aggressive. (Then again, I shouldn't have to punch or yell at someone to get them to respect me?) Anyway, this was all to say that while I had another boyfriend after him, then many dates, and finally my current partner, I have realized that I am fine in relationships until they get serious. I have no intention of leaving my partner, but the thought of sexual intimacy now terrifies me, and even making out sets me off. I know that healing can be a lifelong process, but I can't help but feel like I'm doing it ""wrong"" and that it shouldn't take me so much time to ""get over"" it. I don't feel like what happened to me merits my current issues with PTSD and intimacy, and I just feel an incredible amount of shame and guilt. I've been seeing a therapist for years that I click with, yet I still feel so broken. My partner is incredibly patient and supportive, yet I can't get myself to fully trust him with my body. I'd love to hear from other survivors on if any of you experience similar things where hookups aren't a problem, but committed relationships are, and I'd also love to hear from any partners of survivors on how they support their partners and practice self care in situations like these. If you got this far in my post, thank you so much for taking the time to read this!",nunzkat1257,1,0,1,2020-02-11 16:34:53,domesticviolence,"(TW: sexual abuse, physical violence, suicidal ideation) Hey all. This is my first time posting here, but I'd love to get perspectives from both survivors of sexual violence and romantic partners of survivors. Thank you in advance if you read the whole spiel. I really didn't mean to write out my whole fucking story, but I haven't shared it in a long time. 😅 I'm (24f) currently living on my own. I have been in a wonderfully healthy, communicative, and committed relationship for the past 2 years with a lovely partner, but I have a lot of wounds that I'm still trying to heal from my past. On a rational level, I do not like to compare trauma, or believe that one's feelings are less valid because what happened to them was ""not as bad"" as the next person over. However, on an emotional level, I still struggle with seeing what happened to me as something that was completely undeserved, and I struggle to validate my pain. I was coerced into having sex for the first time at the age of 16 by an older schoolmate, and I subsequently had many issues relating to PTSD and attachment issues that affected my future relationships. One high school relationship that continued through my first year of college was with a guy who I truly believe had some issues of his own— I used to dissociate at times during sex while experiencing flashbacks and become physically unresponsive. He would continue having sex with me during those moments, telling me I needed to ""learn how to say no"" because another guy could take advantage of me when he wasn't around and wouldn't ""understand"" my issues. Sometimes, I became incredibly distressed or suicidal when re-experiencing my trauma and I would inevitably claw at myself. He used to try to stop me, but then eventually he scratched me to try to get me to ""snap out of"" my flashbacks or suicidal spells, and eventually, tried choking me as a means of ""grounding"" me or ""scaring"" me out of wanting to die. Pain during sex triggered me, and I tried to do exposure sessions in which he'd pinch me and inflict minor pain in order to desensitise me to pain, which he deemed was ""normal."" Even now, I believe he genuinely thought he was helping me, I really think he was that sick. And so was I. I feel incredibly ashamed of bringing up these incidents, especially the choking, because I didn't try to stop him at first. I was so depressed and desperate, I went along with anything. Eventually, when I got to college away from him, I did tell him that choking me didn't help, and that I thought we should stop. He agreed. But, it was only a month or two later when one night, I woke up, panicking, (I realize now) craving comfort, and begging him to let me die. He woke up to this, and started choking me again. I was caught off-guard. I... I'm sure many of you know the feeling, but the world became strangely silent, and I started seeing stars (or sparkles). I think i was about to black out, but suddenly, he stopped. At the time, I'll admit that I had started cheating on him with a college friend of mine. After that incident, I told the friend and he simply said, ""You could have died."" Somehow, that brought me to reality, and I knew I had to let him go. I returned home at the end of my freshman year and tried to break up with him. He ended up coercing me into having sex one last time with him. It felt like rape to me; he physically stopped me from going up the stairs after I told him to leave with a subtle touch from his hands, and by that point, I didn't feel like I had a choice. I think I was just so brainwashed and conditioned. But I still blame myself for not being aggressive. (Then again, I shouldn't have to punch or yell at someone to get them to respect me?) Anyway, this was all to say that while I had another boyfriend after him, then many dates, and finally my current partner, I have realized that I am fine in relationships until they get serious. I have no intention of leaving my partner, but the thought of sexual intimacy now terrifies me, and even making out sets me off. I know that healing can be a lifelong process, but I can't help but feel like I'm doing it ""wrong"" and that it shouldn't take me so much time to ""get over"" it. I don't feel like what happened to me merits my current issues with PTSD and intimacy, and I just feel an incredible amount of shame and guilt. I've been seeing a therapist for years that I click with, yet I still feel so broken. My partner is incredibly patient and supportive, yet I can't get myself to fully trust him with my body. I'd love to hear from other survivors on if any of you experience similar things where hookups aren't a problem, but committed relationships are, and I'd also love to hear from any partners of survivors on how they support their partners and practice self care in situations like these. If you got this far in my post, thank you so much for taking the time to read this!",2,2,2,,,,,,,random,True,222 ejn928,Nobody listens (vent),1b,rant,1,"I just got back from vacation and nothing has changed. When I try to come out of my shell and talk to people nobody listens. It doesn’t matter what I’m talking about, everyone knows I’m the “quiet awkward girl” so they don’t even bother. They judge me before they even try to get to know me. It’s pointless to try and befriend these people but I feel so alone.",jaemk2,6,0,4,2020-01-03 22:52:28,socialanxiety,"I just got back from vacation and nothing has changed. When I try to come out of my shell and talk to people nobody listens. It doesn’t matter what I’m talking about, everyone knows I’m the “quiet awkward girl” so they don’t even bother. They judge me before they even try to get to know me. It’s pointless to try and befriend these people but I feel so alone.",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you're lonely from constant judgment,,True,220 eib74p,New Year,1b,rant,1,Spending New Years with my cheap piece of shit asshole boss who wouldn’t stop yelling!,Alpha_Mask,1,0,0,2020-01-01 00:15:31,depression,Spending New Years with my cheap piece of shit asshole boss who wouldn’t stop yelling!,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random comment,True,000 eio6y9,I made a short cover video for “If You Want Love” by NF and it’s amateur recording and editing (I Know-_-)but I hope you guys get the message and understand that telling someone who’s depressed the same thing is overwhelming and is overpowered by the worst thoughts. Hope you enjoyed and relate.,0,chitchat,1,,bigbunny2717,1,0,1,2020-01-01 21:36:52,sad,,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 ek4c3j,I Was Sober,1a,rant,1,"I was sober for almost 2.5 years. My marriage has not been well. I gave in months ago and have been drinking regularly. My wife had our first child 3 months ago. I love being a parent, but I do not feel worthy. I can't stop drinking. I don't want my child to grow up seeing me drink. The years I managed to remain sober, I was miserable. I was bored and angry. I am at a loss. Life doesn't seem worth living without alcohol. I have severe anxiety and depression that I was diagnosed with when I was 15 (I am now 31). Alcohol is the only way I've ever been able to feel normal. I take antidepressants and got to therapy bi-weekly. Nothing helps like alcohol does. I am at a loss. I wish I could come to terms with feeling badly and not feel the need to make it go away with alcohol. I have never went to an AA meeting but have come close many times. I get too afraid.",Porcupine88,2,0,16,2020-01-04 23:23:29,alcoholicsanonymous,"I was sober for almost 2.5 years. My marriage has not been well. I gave in months ago and have been drinking regularly. My wife had our first child 3 months ago. I love being a parent, but I do not feel worthy. I can't stop drinking. I don't want my child to grow up seeing me drink. The years I managed to remain sober, I was miserable. I was bored and angry. I am at a loss. Life doesn't seem worth living without alcohol. I have severe anxiety and depression that I was diagnosed with when I was 15 (I am now 31). Alcohol is the only way I've ever been able to feel normal. I take antidepressants and got to therapy bi-weekly. Nothing helps like alcohol does. I am at a loss. I wish I could come to terms with feeling badly and not feel the need to make it go away with alcohol. I have never went to an AA meeting but have come close many times. I get too afraid.",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you get sober,,True,221 ek8pp1,Please help me :(,1b,help-seeking,1,"Scared and confused Someone in my family a cousin who is exactly one year older than me was the person who assisted me when we were little and one day I finally told him stop. We work together and he showed no signs of that behavior at all.It’s been like 10 years and he’s at my house for a family gathering. He was acting normal and I noticed him trying to get closer to the back of me not bad close but it made me not comfortable and scared cus of the past so I was very alert. I stayed to see if he would do it again if I moved and he kinda did stand behind me (maybe 3 feet away each time.) so I left the room and have been keeping away from him. I’m so angry and confused I feel anxious and almost suicidal",tweetygang,2,0,6,2020-01-05 05:30:19,ptsd,Scared and confused Someone in my family a cousin who is exactly one year older than me was the person who assisted me when we were little and one day I finally told him stop. We work together and he showed no signs of that behavior at all.It’s been like 10 years and he’s at my house for a family gathering. He was acting normal and I noticed him trying to get closer to the back of me not bad close but it made me not comfortable and scared cus of the past so I was very alert. I stayed to see if he would do it again if I moved and he kinda did stand behind me (maybe 3 feet away each time.) so I left the room and have been keeping away from him. I’m so angry and confused I feel anxious and almost suicidal,2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,your cousin made you uncomfortable,,True,220 eipknd,Scared of not having any money while going to college (UK),1a,rant,1,"I'm 19 and taking a gap year, but this September I was going to go back to college. The things is, I don't want to waste my early twenties living in poverty with my Dad and not being able to buy or do anything. But getting a job now would only pay me minimum wage and lead me no where. It'd also be a waste of education. I have no idea what to do and it freaks me out so much.",jldkrocks,1,0,1,2020-01-01 23:25:09,Anxiety,"I'm 19 and taking a gap year, but this September I was going to go back to college. The things is, I don't want to waste my early twenties living in poverty with my Dad and not being able to buy or do anything. But getting a job now would only pay me minimum wage and lead me no where. It'd also be a waste of education. I have no idea what to do and it freaks me out so much.",2,1,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you are feeling,,,,True,212 eorpf3,very lonely,0,chitchat,1,"please use me, msg me",illbleed_,1,0,0,2020-01-14 21:20:09,mentalillness,"very lonely please use me, msg me",1,0,1,Can you elaborate more on X ?,why you are lonely,How did X make you feel?,being alone,Can you elaborate more on X ?,how you want to relieve your loneliness,,True,101 eipn9s,Hadn’t even made it a day,1a,rant,1,Just relapsed for the 5th time in 30 days. I’m sure I’ll get it this time though. It’s so damn hard sometimes. It started as a way to cope but it became a daily thing. I’m only 18 guys. I was never supposed to turn out like my mom but here I am. Nobody but a few close friends even know. Fuck this shit. Good luck to everyone else in the new year.,MushroomEagle,1,0,1,2020-01-01 23:30:57,addiction,Just relapsed for the 5th time in 30 days. I’m sure I’ll get it this time though. It’s so damn hard sometimes. It started as a way to cope but it became a daily thing. I’m only 18 guys. I was never supposed to turn out like my mom but here I am. Nobody but a few close friends even know. Fuck this shit. Good luck to everyone else in the new year.,1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what was the relapse about,How did X make you feel?,the relapse,What do you need help with now that X?,you have relapsed again,,True,100 elnpg3,I went to a meditation class and they read a poem with the r*pe in it. WTF???,1b,rant,2,"So I was really excited to go to this meditation class and work on my mindfulness skills to help with my PTSD, and I loved it and we did this walking meditation to. I felt really good and relaxed. The last section was a woman reading a poem and talked about facing your suffering. And even before her poem she shares how she suffered after hearing a woman’s experience of sexual abuse at a retreat and felt like she took it on herself. And then she reads this poem and it uses the r word (I hate hearing or saying it out loud) And it wasn’t even like about someone’s experience, it was used as a metaphor for shock value. So not only was it said but it wasn’t even explaining a survivor’s experience. It made me so angry! And I could feel the heart palpitations drumming in my chest and I tried to breathe through them but for those of you who’ve been there it takes a while to come back down after being triggered. And some may say I’m being overly sensitive but seriously why the fuck do you have to bring rape/sexual abuse up in meditation?? See I can sometimes handle hearing about sexual violence, if I know it’s coming and I’ve mentally prepared myself for it. Like before watching any movie I go to Christian moms movie review, where it tells you all the adult content for a movie to check if there is going to be a potentially triggering scene. And if I’m in a stable place to watch it, I at least know it’s coming. But if that shit comes out of nowhere that fucks with me. I just don’t think bringing that kind of stuff up is appropriate for a meditation class. If I go back I think I’ll leave for the last section.",OddEggplant,1,0,0,2020-01-08 04:32:56,ptsd,"So I was really excited to go to this meditation class and work on my mindfulness skills to help with my PTSD, and I loved it and we did this walking meditation to. I felt really good and relaxed. The last section was a woman reading a poem and talked about facing your suffering. And even before her poem she shares how she suffered after hearing a woman’s experience of sexual abuse at a retreat and felt like she took it on herself. And then she reads this poem and it uses the r word (I hate hearing or saying it out loud) And it wasn’t even like about someone’s experience, it was used as a metaphor for shock value. So not only was it said but it wasn’t even explaining a survivor’s experience. It made me so angry! And I could feel the heart palpitations drumming in my chest and I tried to breathe through them but for those of you who’ve been there it takes a while to come back down after being triggered. And some may say I’m being overly sensitive but seriously why the fuck do you have to bring rape/sexual abuse up in meditation?? See I can sometimes handle hearing about sexual violence, if I know it’s coming and I’ve mentally prepared myself for it. Like before watching any movie I go to Christian moms movie review, where it tells you all the adult content for a movie to check if there is going to be a potentially triggering scene. And if I’m in a stable place to watch it, I at least know it’s coming. But if that shit comes out of nowhere that fucks with me. I just don’t think bringing that kind of stuff up is appropriate for a meditation class. If I go back I think I’ll leave for the last section.",2,2,1,,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you calm down after being triggered,,True,221 er4dia,Not being allowed to be angry,1b,survey,1,"Does anyone else find people around them are stunting their emotional expression? I can get angry pretty easily, but it’s always short and I never hold grudges. Part of my healing process, if you want to call it that, is to let out my emotions. I do this by venting. But often I can tell that no one cares, so I keep it bottled up which makes me more angry. And when I say “Don’t care,” I mean, I can tell they have no interest in what I have to say. When I stop talking all together, they don’t even notice. Another thing people do, is try to mitigate my feelings. My friends will make a joke, or change the subject. I know it comes from a place of love, but its also frustrating. Please, just let me be mad for 2 minutes without interrupting me, or ignoring me. It’s like you gotta sneeze but no one is letting you.",atobe85,1,0,9,2020-01-19 23:34:11,Anger,"Does anyone else find people around them are stunting their emotional expression? I can get angry pretty easily, but it’s always short and I never hold grudges. Part of my healing process, if you want to call it that, is to let out my emotions. I do this by venting. But often I can tell that no one cares, so I keep it bottled up which makes me more angry. And when I say “Don’t care,” I mean, I can tell they have no interest in what I have to say. When I stop talking all together, they don’t even notice. Another thing people do, is try to mitigate my feelings. My friends will make a joke, or change the subject. I know it comes from a place of love, but its also frustrating. Please, just let me be mad for 2 minutes without interrupting me, or ignoring me. It’s like you gotta sneeze but no one is letting you.",2,1,2,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,your frustration from lack of venting opportunities,,,,True,212 elshaf,It hurts,1a,rant,1,Knowing the he’ll never like me because he likes someone else.,Meow-Max_1984,1,0,2,2020-01-08 13:08:39,sad,It hurts Knowing the he’ll never like me because he likes someone else.,2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel hurt that he likes someone else,,True,220 enrlpx,Realizing I dislike being alone,1a,help-seeking,1,"My fiancé works overnight. It sucks when he’s asleep and I’m off but i used to make plans with friends or just spend some time with myself. I usually love a little alone time. I love to read, go to Target or a farmer’s market, watch a movie, walk the dog, take pictures around town, figure out a new hobby. Well, I’m on day two of a three day weekend, he works every night during the weekend. We’re still pretty new to our city so no real friends. I’m bored! The house needs cleaning, I have a book to read. Lots to do. But I’m parked in front of Netflix bored and not knowing what to do or having the will to do it. Any advice?",JerseysLittleDevil,1,0,3,2020-01-12 18:58:19,selfhelp,"My fiancé works overnight. It sucks when he’s asleep and I’m off but i used to make plans with friends or just spend some time with myself. I usually love a little alone time. I love to read, go to Target or a farmer’s market, watch a movie, walk the dog, take pictures around town, figure out a new hobby. Well, I’m on day two of a three day weekend, he works every night during the weekend. We’re still pretty new to our city so no real friends. I’m bored! The house needs cleaning, I have a book to read. Lots to do. But I’m parked in front of Netflix bored and not knowing what to do or having the will to do it. Any advice?",2,2,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you not feel bored,,True,221 en85cj,Trying something new...,1b,help-seeking,1,"Angry, worked up at home alone today. Need advice to calm down. Combat Vet, with PTSD, and my anger gets out of control. The VA just jerks me around all the time. Tired there bullshit meds, with bad reactions. Been doing weekly therapy, thats not doing shit. Need some kind of help, cause i keep circling the drain.",J99Pwrangler,1,0,4,2020-01-11 14:39:14,Anger,"Angry, worked up at home alone today. Need advice to calm down. Combat Vet, with PTSD, and my anger gets out of control. The VA just jerks me around all the time. Tired there bullshit meds, with bad reactions. Been doing weekly therapy, thats not doing shit. Need some kind of help, cause i keep circling the drain.",2,0,1,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,How did X make you feel?,all the anger and loneliness,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what would help you calm down,,True,201 ein9mc,oops,0,rant,1,accidentally took 40 mg of adderall last night instead of zanaflex. adhd brain. i woke up at four am with all this motivation and these brilliant ideas. i didn’t realize i took the wrong meds until hours later,professionalsadpersn,1,0,1,2020-01-01 20:27:30,ADHD,accidentally took 40 mg of adderall last night instead of zanaflex. adhd brain. i woke up at four am with all this motivation and these brilliant ideas. i didn’t realize i took the wrong meds until hours later,2,0,0,,,How did X make you feel?,taking the wrong medicines,What do you need help with now that X?,you took the wrong medicines accidently,,True,200 ejyv03,4 years a grateful alcoholic!,0,chitchat,3,"Celebrating 1461 days, one day at a time. Thank you all for making the fellowship what it is. IWNDWYT",thatluckyfox,8,0,13,2020-01-04 16:42:21,alcoholicsanonymous,"Celebrating 1461 days, one day at a time. Thank you all for making the fellowship what it is. IWNDWYT",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,positive,True,000 ek7tk9,rain,0,chitchat,2,"[its still raining](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=osxJ5-_Ccp0) &#x200B; https://preview.redd.it/d1c5tw5oxv841.jpg?width=504&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=904ce4a0b4179387aaf264a939adf3523b300c70",redlion0097,3,0,2,2020-01-05 04:10:44,sad,[its still raining](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=osxJ5-_Ccp0) &#x200B; https://preview.redd.it/d1c5tw5oxv841.jpg?width=504&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=904ce4a0b4179387aaf264a939adf3523b300c70,0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eiatg9,"I understand social anxiety from personal experience. I don't understand why, though, if you know someone wants to see you, wants to spend time with you, and they've specifically told you so, you still worry that people don't want to see you?",1b,help-seeking,2,"I get it. I've said yes, changed my mind a million times, and followed up with ""sorry I can't make it after all."" I get it. I GET IT. The social anxiety drama ... I just don't understand it anymore. If I personally ask you to join me for something, that means I want to see you. I am telling you I want to see you. Why are you still anxious about whether I want to see you? If you keep flaking on me, I'll just get annoyed and stop asking... is that really what you're shooting for?",allofthisisbullshit,1,0,3,2019-12-31 23:45:22,Anxiety,"I get it. I've said yes, changed my mind a million times, and followed up with ""sorry I can't make it after all."" I get it. I GET IT. The social anxiety drama ... I just don't understand it anymore. If I personally ask you to join me for something, that means I want to see you. I am telling you I want to see you. Why are you still anxious about whether I want to see you? If you keep flaking on me, I'll just get annoyed and stop asking... is that really what you're shooting for?",0,0,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,,,random,True,000 eib6k5,Death of my father,1b,rant,1,My father died in the beginning of December. While he was not a great father he was the only person I felt I could even talk to. I was extremely upset but later on found out that he apparently never told his own brother that we existed. Everyday I am either angry or upset. I feel so alone and being around my mother is worse who constantly talks over me or criticizes me. There is nothing positive in my life at the moment. The only thing that keeps me going is my dog or reading.,artic_turtle1,1,0,1,2020-01-01 00:14:13,depression,My father died in the beginning of December. While he was not a great father he was the only person I felt I could even talk to. I was extremely upset but later on found out that he apparently never told his own brother that we existed. Everyday I am either angry or upset. I feel so alone and being around my mother is worse who constantly talks over me or criticizes me. There is nothing positive in my life at the moment. The only thing that keeps me going is my dog or reading.,2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel so alone and upset,,True,220 eiunl3,ah wellps,0,chitchat,3,man thought id be having a clean streak but w h o o p s 🤧,redjbeans,1,0,0,2020-01-02 06:35:42,selfharm,man thought id be having a clean streak but w h o o p s ,1,0,0,Can you elaborate more on X ?,what ruined the clean streak,How did X make you feel?,breaking your streak,What do you need help with now that X?,you broke your clean streak,,True,100 ei9bzu,"Very very anxious, truama?",1a,rant,1,"I don't know if this is related to anxiety, but I've been damn bullied when I was young. It's been good, more than 5 if not 6 years but the person still seems to keep an eye on me. Well, not in the real life but on the internet. I'm scared to even use my real name on the internet or even disclose the location I'm in, I wouldn't do it even if the person wouldn't be here, but yeah.. I don't know how to cope with, I'm very scared, I'm not a popular but I work in a big company and I'm scared of them writing some article about me, that would include my name and the people would find me again. I don't know what to do, I might have to change my name. Such stressful shit I live in.",Acrobatic-Comparison,1,0,1,2019-12-31 21:45:28,Anxiety,"I don't know if this is related to anxiety, but I've been damn bullied when I was young. It's been good, more than 5 if not 6 years but the person still seems to keep an eye on me. Well, not in the real life but on the internet. I'm scared to even use my real name on the internet or even disclose the location I'm in, I wouldn't do it even if the person wouldn't be here, but yeah.. I don't know how to cope with, I'm very scared, I'm not a popular but I work in a big company and I'm scared of them writing some article about me, that would include my name and the people would find me again. I don't know what to do, I might have to change my name. Such stressful shit I live in.",2,2,0,,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,the past bullying is making you afraid,,True,220 eib762,Need Help as the Spouse,1b,help-seeking,1,"My wife was raped about as a teenager, before we started dating. Fast forward and her assailant is now facing multiple charges from other girls within the past few years (my wife was attacked nearly 15 years ago). She is not an accuser in the trial. She is dealing with a mess of emotions that i am trying my best to help with. The recently diagnosed PTSD from the attack (nightmares, panic attacks), guilt for not speaking up 15 years ago, stress with the possible outcome of the trial, and others. Two over arching questions. 1) What can i do that a non victim wouldn't think of to help her cope/get through hard patches? 2) I need help dealing with her dealing with it. She is coping by going out more often and sometimes real late (latest 5am). She frequents a local pub. I can get it intellectually; being in a bustling crowd with people untethered to the issue can help to forget, feel normal, and the like. I'm having trouble though. Is this a normal coping mechanism and should I be concerned?",wubbalubbadubdub_1,1,0,6,2020-01-01 00:15:37,rapecounseling,"My wife was raped about as a teenager, before we started dating. Fast forward and her assailant is now facing multiple charges from other girls within the past few years (my wife was attacked nearly 15 years ago). She is not an accuser in the trial. She is dealing with a mess of emotions that i am trying my best to help with. The recently diagnosed PTSD from the attack (nightmares, panic attacks), guilt for not speaking up 15 years ago, stress with the possible outcome of the trial, and others. Two over arching questions. 1) What can i do that a non victim wouldn't think of to help her cope/get through hard patches? 2) I need help dealing with her dealing with it. She is coping by going out more often and sometimes real late (latest 5am). She frequents a local pub. I can get it intellectually; being in a bustling crowd with people untethered to the issue can help to forget, feel normal, and the like. I'm having trouble though. Is this a normal coping mechanism and should I be concerned?",2,0,2,,,How did X make you feel?,your wife's mess of emotions,,,,True,202 eilyml,Got used for my NYE plans and then got fucked over,1a,rant,2,"What’s up folks, starting off 2020 sad, at least it’s hopefully only up from here. I had some options for last night but ultimately wanted to go to this party out of town a bit because a girl I’ve been talking to was going there and wanted me to come. Overjoyed at the possibility of not spending another year alone I was pumped. Then my friends who didn’t plan shit for themselves tried to get an invite to the party, I hate asking to bring more people to others parties because guest lists get bigger and shit gets harder to control but I figured it would be nice for my old and new friends to meet. Well, that didn’t happen. See this party was about 30 minutes away from my place via car, and I had no options for drives so I figured I’d just cab over and back with my friends and split the cost. Unfortunately my friend who asked to be invited told me an hour before we were set to leave that he didn’t want to cab, so we tried to figure something out and it didn’t work, although we had a free ride over now thanks to my friend’s dad who didn’t mind giving us a ride. But he still wasn’t willing to pay the $15 for the cab, which sucks because if he didn’t come now I’d have to spend $60 each way just to get over there. Eventually he just outright says no and it’s an hour after the party started. Just gave up and stayed home and got high, but it sucked man, I feel like I let down my friend who was throwing the party by repeatedly telling him I’d be there. I feel bad for just abandoning the girl I’ve been talking to for the last while. I also just feel like shit because my friend literally just used me for plans on New Years and then dipped when it was mildly inconvenient and then I was kind of fucked over.",Drizztopher_isabusta,1,0,3,2020-01-01 18:50:25,sad,"What’s up folks, starting off 2020 sad, at least it’s hopefully only up from here. I had some options for last night but ultimately wanted to go to this party out of town a bit because a girl I’ve been talking to was going there and wanted me to come. Overjoyed at the possibility of not spending another year alone I was pumped. Then my friends who didn’t plan shit for themselves tried to get an invite to the party, I hate asking to bring more people to others parties because guest lists get bigger and shit gets harder to control but I figured it would be nice for my old and new friends to meet. Well, that didn’t happen. See this party was about 30 minutes away from my place via car, and I had no options for drives so I figured I’d just cab over and back with my friends and split the cost. Unfortunately my friend who asked to be invited told me an hour before we were set to leave that he didn’t want to cab, so we tried to figure something out and it didn’t work, although we had a free ride over now thanks to my friend’s dad who didn’t mind giving us a ride. But he still wasn’t willing to pay the $15 for the cab, which sucks because if he didn’t come now I’d have to spend $60 each way just to get over there. Eventually he just outright says no and it’s an hour after the party started. Just gave up and stayed home and got high, but it sucked man, I feel like I let down my friend who was throwing the party by repeatedly telling him I’d be there. I feel bad for just abandoning the girl I’ve been talking to for the last while. I also just feel like shit because my friend literally just used me for plans on New Years and then dipped when it was mildly inconvenient and then I was kind of fucked over.",2,2,0,Can you tell me what happened? You can be as specific as you like.,,,,What do you need help with now that X?,you feel upset by your friend's actions,,True,220 eiihp9,Day 1.,0,chitchat,1,I have had close to 3 years of sobriety in the past. With a few stretches of a couple months. I’m back at it for good. I’m not a huge fan of AA. I’m going to use church and the sacraments for help. Wish me luck.,coolmike903,1,0,8,2020-01-01 13:47:31,alcoholicsanonymous,I have had close to 3 years of sobriety in the past. With a few stretches of a couple months. I’m back at it for good. I’m not a huge fan of AA. I’m going to use church and the sacraments for help. Wish me luck.,2,0,0,,,How did X make you feel?,being sober,What do you need help with now that X?,you started drinking again,,True,200