diff --git "a/dataset.csv" "b/dataset.csv" deleted file mode 100644--- "a/dataset.csv" +++ /dev/null @@ -1,18069 +0,0 @@ -text,is_depression,clean_text -"We understand that most people who reply immediately to an OP with an invitation to talk privately mean only to help, but this type of response usually leads to either disappointment or disaster. it usually works out quite differently here than when you say ""PM me anytime"" in a casual social context. - -We have huge admiration and appreciation for the goodwill and good citizenship of so many of you who support others here and flag inappropriate content - even more so because we know that so many of you are struggling yourselves. We're hard at work behind the scenes on more information and resources to make it easier to give and get quality help here - this is just a small start. - -Our new wiki page explains in detail why it's much better to respond in public comments, at least until you've gotten to know someone. It will be maintained at /r/depression/wiki/private_contact, and the full text of the current version is below. - -***** - -###Summary### - -**Anyone who, while acting as a helper, invites or accepts private contact (I.e. PMs, chat, or any kind of offsite communication) early in the conversion is showing either bad intentions or bad judgement. Either way, it's unwise to trust them.** - - -""PM me anytime"" seems like a kind and generous offer. And it might be perfectly well-meaning, but, unless and until a solid rapport has been established, it's just not a wise idea. Here are some points to consider before you offer or accept an invitation to communicate privately. - -* **By posting supportive replies publicly, you'll help more people than just the OP. If your responses are of good quality, you'll educate and inspire other helpers.** [The 1-9-90 rule](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1%25_rule_(Internet_culture\)) applies here as much as it does anywhere else on the internet. - -* People who are struggling with serious mental-health issues often (justifiably) have a low tolerance for disappointment and a high-level of ever-changing emotional need. **Unless the helper is able to make a 100% commitment to be there for them in every way, for as long as necessary, offering a personal inbox as a resource is likely to do more harm than good.** This is why mental-health crisis-line responders usually don't give their names and callers aren't allowed to request specific responders. It's much healthier and safer for the callers to develop a relationship with the agency as a whole. Analogously, it's much safer and healthier for our OPs to develop a relationship with the community as a whole. Even trained responders are generally not allowed to work high-intensity situations alone. It's partly about availability, but it's mostly about wider perspective and preventing compassion fatigue. - -* **If a helper gets in over their head with someone whose mental-health issues (including suicidality, which is often comorbid with depression) escalate, in a PM conversation it's much harder for others, including the /r/depression and /r/SuicideWatch moderators to help**. (Contrary to common assumptions, moderators can't see or police PMs.) - -* In our observation over many years, the people who say ""PM me"" the most are consistently the ones with the least understanding of mental-health issues and mental-health support. We all have gaps in our knowledge and in our ability to communicate effectively. Community input mitigates these limitations. **There's no reason why someone who's truly here to help would want to hide their responses from community scrutiny**. If helpers are concerned about their own privacy, keep in mind that self-disclosure, when used supportively, is more about the feelings than the details, and that we have no problem here with the use of alt/throwaway accounts, and have no restrictions on account age or karma. - -* We all know the internet is used by some people to exploit or abuse others. These people *do* want to hide their deceptive and manipulative responses from everyone except their victims. There are many of them who specifically target those who are vulnerable because of mental-health issues. **If a helper invites an OP to talk privately and gives them a good, supportive experience, they've primed that person to be more vulnerable to abusers.** This sort of cognitive priming tends to be particularly effective when someone's in a state of mental-health crisis, when people rely more on heuristics than critical reasoning. - -* If OPs want to talk privately, posting on a wide-open anonymous forum like reddit might not be the best option. Although we don't recommend it, we do allow OPs to request private contact when asking for support. If you want to do this, please keep your expectations realistic, and to have a careful look at the history of anyone who offers to PM before opening up to them.",1,understand people reply immediately op invitation talk privately mean help type response usually lead either disappointment disaster usually work quite differently say pm anytime casual social context huge admiration appreciation goodwill good citizenship many support others flag inappropriate content even know many struggling hard work behind scene information resource make easier give get quality help small start new wiki page explains detail much better respond public comment least gotten know someone maintained r depression wiki private contact full text current version summary anyone acting helper invite accepts private contact e pm chat kind offsite communication early conversion showing either bad intention bad judgement either way unwise trust pm anytime seems like kind generous offer might perfectly well meaning unless solid rapport established wise idea point consider offer accept invitation communicate privately posting supportive reply publicly help people op response good quality educate inspire helper 9 90 rule http en wikipedia org wiki rule internet culture applies much anywhere else internet people struggling serious mental health issue often justifiably low tolerance disappointment high level ever changing emotional need unless helper able make 00 commitment every way long necessary offering personal inbox resource likely harm good mental health crisis line responder usually give name caller allowed request specific responder much healthier safer caller develop relationship agency whole analogously much safer healthier ops develop relationship community whole even trained responder generally allowed work high intensity situation alone partly availability mostly wider perspective preventing compassion fatigue helper get head someone whose mental health issue including suicidality often comorbid depression escalate pm conversation much harder others including r depression r suicidewatch moderator help contrary common assumption moderator see police pm observation many year people say pm consistently one least understanding mental health issue mental health support gap knowledge ability communicate effectively community input mitigates limitation reason someone truly help would want hide response community scrutiny helper concerned privacy keep mind self disclosure used supportively feeling detail problem use alt throwaway account restriction account age karma know internet used people exploit abuse others people want hide deceptive manipulative response everyone except victim many specifically target vulnerable mental health issue helper invite op talk privately give good supportive experience primed person vulnerable abuser sort cognitive priming tends particularly effective someone state mental health crisis people rely heuristic critical reasoning ops want talk privately posting wide open anonymous forum like reddit might best option although recommend allow ops request private contact asking support want please keep expectation realistic careful look history anyone offer pm opening -"Welcome to /r/depression's check-in post - a place to take a moment and share what is going on and how you are doing. If you have an accomplishment you want to talk about (these shouldn't be standalone posts in the sub as they violate the ""role model"" rule, but are welcome here), or are having a tough time but prefer not to make your own post, this is a place you can share. - ---- - -Our subreddit rules are located in the sidebar (you can also always access them at /r/depression/about/rules) - since all of them exist for important safety reasons, we ask everyone here to read and follow them. Please click 'report' on any harmful content you see here - we always want to know and deal as soon as we can. - -We also have several wikis there for help with finding and giving support: - -/r/depression/wiki/what_is_depression provides guidance about what is and isn't a depressive disorder, guidance on the complex nature of the illnesses that are usually grouped under the ""depression"" label, and redirect information for common off-topic issues. - -/r/depression/wiki/giving_help offers information on the nature and value of peer support for mental-health issues in general, and lots of guidance for learning what is -- and isn't -- usually helpful in giving peer support. - -YSK that the types of rule violations that we most frequently see interfering with people getting safe and relevant support here are: - -* People breaking the private contact rule. You should never trust anyone who tries to get you into a private conversation in response to a post here. See /r/depression/wiki/private_contact -* ""I'm here to help"" posts. This shows that you don't understand the most basic principles of peer support, especially selectivity. The ""giving help"" wiki explains more about this. -* Role modelling, i.e. ""achievement"" or ""advice"" posts. This is an expert-free zone -- that's what peer support means (rule 5). We know that ""internet culture"" celebrate not just bragging about your achievements but bragging about your good intentions. Nothing like that is ever acceptable here. -* Content that's more about 'making a statement' or casually polling the sub than seeking personal support (or, in a comment, giving it) (rules 1, 2 and 10). -* Off-topic posts about difficult situations or circumstances, including interpersonal losses. Grief, sadness, anger, and other difficult emotions are not mental illnesses. The ""what is depression"" wiki has suggestions for other places to post about these issues, which are 100% valid and serious but inappropriate here.",1,welcome r depression check post place take moment share going accomplishment want talk standalone post sub violate role model rule welcome tough time prefer make post place share subreddit rule located sidebar also always access r depression rule since exist important safety reason ask everyone read follow please click report harmful content see always want know deal soon also several wikis help finding giving support r depression wiki depression provides guidance depressive disorder guidance complex nature illness usually grouped depression label redirect information common topic issue r depression wiki giving help offer information nature value peer support mental health issue general lot guidance learning usually helpful giving peer support ysk type rule violation frequently see interfering people getting safe relevant support people breaking private contact rule never trust anyone try get private conversation response post see r depression wiki private contact help post show understand basic principle peer support especially selectivity giving help wiki explains role modelling e achievement advice post expert free zone peer support mean rule know internet culture celebrate bragging achievement bragging good intention nothing like ever acceptable content making statement casually polling sub seeking personal support comment giving rule 0 topic post difficult situation circumstance including interpersonal loss grief sadness anger difficult emotion mental illness depression wiki suggestion place post issue 00 valid serious inappropriate -"Anyone else, instead of sleeping more when depressed, stay up all night to avoid the next day from coming sooner? - -May be the social anxiety in me, but life is so much more peaceful when everyone else is asleep and not expecting things of you",1,anyone else instead sleeping depressed stay night avoid next day coming sooner may social anxiety life much peaceful everyone else asleep expecting thing -I’ve kind of stuffed around a lot in my life delaying the inevitable of having to work a job and be a responsible adult and I’m 26 but the longest I’ve ever held a job was 9 months. It wasn’t that I’m lazy I was always doing other things i enjoy but I know now unemployment has caused most of my depression recently. I just feel utterly hopeless when I think soon enough I’ll have to move out on my own in some shitty house working a job I couldn’t care less about. To me it just seems like the perfect recipe to depression.,1,kind stuffed around lot life delaying inevitable work job responsible adult longest ever held job 9 month lazy always thing enjoy know unemployment caused depression recently feel utterly hopeless think soon enough move shitty house working job care le seems like perfect recipe depression -Sleep is my greatest and most comforting escape. Whenever I wake up these days the literal very first emotion I feel is just misery and reminding myself of all my problems. I can't even have a single second to myself. It's like waking up everyday is just welcoming yourself back to hell.,1,sleep greatest comforting escape whenever wake day literal first emotion feel misery reminding problem even single second like waking everyday welcoming back hell -"I'm 24 years old, turning 25 soon in a few months. I live in constant dread. I have no passion, no goals, no special achievement in my life, and never been in a relationship. I don't know what I want nor what I'm doing in this so called life. Everything just feels exhausting. I cry myself to sleep everyday. - -I also feel extremely disconnected from others. I don't fit in even though I try the hardest to be a decent human being. I try to treat others with kindness and respect, be a good listener, help people when they need my help, work hard, exercise on daily basis, take a good care of my appearance. But, no matter how hard I try to present myself at best, I still feel I don't fit in. I still feel empty, unworthy and unwanted. - -I want to do something that I could be proud of, but no matter what I do, I still never feel I'm good enough even for myself. I crave for meaningful connection. I want to have someone to share and spend my days with, laugh with, cry with, share my handmade gifts with just to see smile on their face. Someone that feels like ""home"" because I've been feeling ""homeless"" all this time. I want to feel loved, cared for, and wanted for once. But it's like it's just this idea of meaningful connection that I have in my head. I can even barely hold a conversation, whenever I try to talk to someone, I feel extremely drained. I'm stuck in this rabbit hole between feeling extremely lonely and not having energy to talk at the same time. - -I don't know, I just feel like I'm a failure human being and want to completely disappear. Thanks for reading my long rant, I don't have anywhere else to get my mind off.",1,year old turning soon month live constant dread passion goal special achievement life never relationship know want called life everything feel exhausting cry sleep everyday also feel extremely disconnected others fit even though try hardest decent human try treat others kindness respect good listener help people need help work hard exercise daily basis take good care appearance matter hard try present best still feel fit still feel empty unworthy unwanted want something could proud matter still never feel good enough even crave meaningful connection want someone share spend day laugh cry share handmade gift see smile face someone feel like home feeling homeless time want feel loved cared wanted like idea meaningful connection head even barely hold conversation whenever try talk someone feel extremely drained stuck rabbit hole feeling extremely lonely energy talk time know feel like failure human want completely disappear thanks reading long rant anywhere else get mind -" - -I live alone, and despite me being prone to loneliness as I find myself to be emotionally needy, I seem to have the urge to cut important people out of my life when I get depressed. (friends, girlfriend). - -I feel easily annoyed and judgmental, even if they did nothing wrong, I can't explain it. - -Maybe by posting here I can find some people that can relate. - -Its sort of like a feeling of ""I am better off alone"", does anyone else find themselves constantly having the urge to push people away? - -it feels like I am being consumed by depression again.",1,live alone despite prone loneliness find emotionally needy seem urge cut important people life get depressed friend girlfriend feel easily annoyed judgmental even nothing wrong explain maybe posting find people relate sort like feeling better alone anyone else find constantly urge push people away feel like consumed depression -"I’m not looking for sympathy, just simply to state why. I’m done trying to survive. I’m sitting here in the dark crying my eyes out before my 26th birthday knowing it’s the last birthday I’ll ever have. I’m tired of fighting for my life every. Single. Day. Sense I was 16 I’ve been FIGHTING. I can’t do it anymore, I’m exhausted. This illness has broken my relationships with people I can’t mend and everyone is done with me, and I understand. I just hope everyone understands why I’ve made the decision I have. If my husband somehow magically finds this, I love you more than anything and I’m sorry I had to leave this way. Until we meet again my squishy.",1,looking sympathy simply state done trying survive sitting dark cry eye th birthday knowing last birthday ever tired fighting life every single day sense fighting anymore exhausted illness broken relationship people mend everyone done understand hope everyone understands made decision husband somehow magically find love anything sorry leave way meet squishy -"I don’t know how to communicate. All of my thoughts stay inside me instead of telling them to other people like I should. My mind simply won’t let me. I try, I really try sometimes, and I have so many of them, but they get lost. My mind is a endless nightmare of thoughts of despair and hatred towards myself. I feel numb and over-emotional at the same time, and I dont know what to do. I feel like a horrible waste of human space, stripped down to my bones by my past, and my seemingly dim future.",1,know communicate thought stay inside instead telling people like mind simply let try really try sometimes many get lost mind endless nightmare thought despair hatred towards feel numb emotional time dont know feel like horrible waste human space stripped bone past seemingly dim future -"Mom I’m sad. -It hurts in my heart. -The feeling falls into my stomach. -I can’t stop the tears when they start. -Mom I’m sad. -That I never did anything. -That I never achieved anything. -That everything just fell apart. -I can’t get up in the morning. -I can’t focus on anything but the sadness. -I can’t put my clean clothes away. -I don’t have the energy to try. -I sleep all day because it makes time go by faster. -It’s hard for me to try and take care of my dog. -Because that means getting up. -My thoughts race all day about what could have been. -Mom I’m sad. -Because I don’t know if I can make it. -I don’t know if I can keep going. -I don’t want to break you and dads hearts. -But I think my heart has been broken for a very long time. -The fight inside me is starting to slow down. -Everything is turning black. -I don’t know if I can make my way to see the light anymore.",1,mom sad hurt heart feeling fall stomach stop tear start mom sad never anything never achieved anything everything fell apart get morning focus anything sadness put clean clothes away energy try sleep day make time go faster hard try take care dog mean getting thought race day could mom sad know make know keep going want break dad heart think heart broken long time fight inside starting slow everything turning black know make way see light anymore -I’ve been struggling with depression for a long time now but I just my first severe instance of depersonalization and it scared me so badly. I’m not even entirely sure why but something about the fact that I just spent over an hour lying on the floor feeling like my body didn’t really belong to me and I might not be real is so extremely unsettling to me. I feel more mentally and physically myself now and just trying to process what happened is really difficult. If anyone has any kind of comfort or advice about depersonalization I’d appreciate it,1,struggling depression long time first severe instance depersonalization scared badly even entirely sure something fact spent hour lying floor feeling like body really belong might real extremely unsettling feel mentally physically trying process happened really difficult anyone kind comfort advice depersonalization appreciate -Idk how to elaborate on it. I just started suddenly crying for no real reason and couldn't stop for like 30 minutes. Does anyone else have this problem? I'm just wondering.,1,idk elaborate started suddenly cry real reason stop like 0 minute anyone else problem wondering -"I tried to help.. His family abandoned him so it was really hard to change his perspective. - -Im addict too, gambling addiction.. But i will do better, i hope - -Sorry, just a rant - -I found about it yesterday.His life situation forced him to live in a mental hospitals for last year and at the beginning of march he wanted to go to the Germany to work as escort. - -3 march he mentioned that he leaves tomorrow. -5 march i texted ""are you alive?"" - -Yesterday by googling him i found a necrology of him. He killed himself 3 march.. - -He texted many time to me about suicide thoughts - -Im so sad",1,tried help family abandoned really hard change perspective im addict gambling addiction better hope sorry rant found yesterday life situation forced live mental hospital last year beginning march wanted go germany work escort march mentioned leaf tomorrow march texted alive yesterday googling found necrology killed march texted many time suicide thought im sad -"To me it seems like an empty, meaningless phrase people use. Like cool but it's not going to help the fact that I'm broke, can't get out of bed some days, and struggling through live NOW.",1,seems like empty meaningless phrase people use like cool going help fact broke get bed day struggling live -"My father committed suicide 8 days before my 4th birthday, i still remember this day, i don't really have any memories of him so i'm not really sad but for a long time i was kinda angry at him for letting us alone with a mother like that. But i realized some time ago that, himself didn't want to be with her anymore and he also had a difficult life, i think (i'm pretty sure) he also had depression. I feel stupid for being angry at him for so long over something like that. I'm happy for him now, he doesn't have to suffer anymore, he's free from his sadness. - -just needed to let these thoughts out",1,father committed suicide day th birthday still remember day really memory really sad long time kinda angry letting u alone mother like realized time ago want anymore also difficult life think pretty sure also depression feel stupid angry long something like happy suffer anymore free sadness needed let thought -"i don’t think i have the balls to do it, but i’ve become obsessed with the idea of killing myself. all i can think about is suicide. i’ve developed a deep and genuine hatred for myself. i don’t want to live to see another day. i don’t want to get better bc i don’t deserve it. i wish i had the courage to kill myself",1,think ball become obsessed idea killing think suicide developed deep genuine hatred want live see another day want get better bc deserve wish courage kill -"tw: suicide - -Yea so my recent symptom of depression was that I thought I was really really old (I’m 23 lol). There were numerous occasions where I had to convince myself of my actual age because my brain was certain I’m 25 or 26, had to count years from my birthday and repeat to myself over and over that I’m 23. I thought most of it was because I’m seeing a lot of successful people on social media younger than me and because I’m not finished with my uni yet, because I’m repeating a year. - -But during therapy today I realized that beyond those reasons I also had this subconscious plan in my head that I will barely make it past 30. Like 35 tops and then I will be dead. I have no idea where it came from. I’m not suicidal, I don’t think I ever was. But my brain seems convinced that by the time I’m 30 I will develop suicidal thoughts, and then before 35 I will kill myself. - -No wonder I thought I was so old. I have a little more than 10 years before my “deadline” lol and that’s being generous. - -Idk why I wrote this, I will probably delete this later. I just needed to dump this info somewhere, I don’t want to worry my friends and family.",1,tw suicide yea recent symptom depression thought really really old lol numerous occasion convince actual age brain certain count year birthday repeat thought seeing lot successful people social medium younger finished uni yet repeating year therapy today realized beyond reason also subconscious plan head barely make past 0 like top dead idea came suicidal think ever brain seems convinced time 0 develop suicidal thought kill wonder thought old little 0 year deadline lol generous idk wrote probably delete later needed dump info somewhere want worry friend family -"Got no one to talk to. Have no one around. I've been procrastinating on something for so long, and i have no idea when I'll ever become serious or steadfast. - -I just feel like a total waste. I've isolated myself which is making me go crazy right now. No friends, at all. I'm literally alone now. - -Feel like shit!",1,got one talk one around procrastinating something long idea ever become serious steadfast feel like total waste isolated making go crazy right friend literally alone feel like shit -"I’m sitting on my bed alone in my dark room, smoking weed, looking at the night sky and old photos, listening to music I was listening 3 years ago and thinking about those times when everything was fine and I knew less than I know right know, it hurts so much… physically and mentally",1,sitting bed alone dark room smoking weed looking night sky old photo listening music listening year ago thinking time everything fine knew le know right know hurt much physically mentally -"I hate myself so much for being like that when they're just minding their business. - -Sometimes I just see people so casually happy and hugging and being close. Or just visibly happy in general. -...and I just feel so bitter. - -They don't deserve me being so shitty over their happiness... - - -I can't help it, I know I'm garbage, I know I don't deserve to be like them, but sometimes I see people hugging and I wish I knew what it felt like to be hugged, and cared for like that so badly it hurts",1,hate much like minding business sometimes see people casually happy hugging close visibly happy general feel bitter deserve shitty happiness help know garbage know deserve like sometimes see people hugging wish knew felt like hugged cared like badly hurt -"I’ve been in a bad spot for a long time. I’ve dealt with a lot of grief, a lot of handling shit on my own, and trying to keep up appearances. But things took a turn for the worse when I had a traumatic event a few months ago that sent me over the edge. I developed post traumatic stress disorder from it all and coping since, has been excruciatingly difficult. I threw myself into work for about a month and a half… i quickly burned out. The triggers became an everyday occurrence. I wanted help, I needed help, but I was afraid every hand extended towards me would only reach to choke me. Those around me could drown me in an ocean of love and I’d never feel wet. My clothes may be wet but my skin, my heart, would feel dry as a desert. I feel so closed off yet I crave closeness. I can’t even remember the last few months, but from what I can, I’ve been destructive. I’ve been in so much emotional pain that I’ve unintentionally caused emotional pain. Nothing is ever good enough for me. It’s not a conscious thing, you see. It’s me. I’ve never felt good enough for anyone, nor at anything I did. These feelings of failure/disappointment overwhelm me most days. - -I’m 20 without much to show for it. This fight to see another day is wearing me out. I keep getting knocked down and I know more is to come from life. I just don’t see an end to this emotional torture within my mind.",1,bad spot long time dealt lot grief lot handling shit trying keep appearance thing took turn worse traumatic event month ago sent edge developed post traumatic stress disorder coping since excruciatingly difficult threw work month half quickly burned trigger became everyday occurrence wanted help needed help afraid every hand extended towards would reach choke around could drown ocean love never feel wet clothes may wet skin heart would feel dry desert feel closed yet crave closeness even remember last month destructive much emotional pain unintentionally caused emotional pain nothing ever good enough conscious thing see never felt good enough anyone anything feeling failure disappointment overwhelm day 0 without much show fight see another day wearing keep getting knocked know come life see end emotional torture within mind -"And I’m running out of time to decide. I couldn’t give a shit less about my major, about internships, about anything. I don’t know how to fix myself and I can’t bring myself to try anything, anymore. If I manage to survive past the next few years, which seems to be getting exponentially difficult, I’m going to have fucked over my career or myself now. - -I have no good options.",1,running time decide give shit le major internship anything know fix bring try anything anymore manage survive past next year seems getting exponentially difficult going fucked career good option -"I’m just sick of global society. I’m sick of the direction we’re heading. It really feels like neo/techno feudalism. IMHO, the purpose of society should be to eliminate/reduce human suffering and I just don’t see that happening. I don’t see that happening based on the amount of homelessness I see. I don’t see that happening in terms of climate issues and reducing GHG emissions & other pollution. I don’t see young people being supported- high costs of living, debt, low wages. - -For the US exclusively -Where is free/cheap healthcare for all -Where is free PUBLIC higher education -Where is cheap/healthy/convenient food -Where is affordable childcare - -And the counters I’ve heard to these things have been like: oh there’s progress being made, rent control, more scholarship opportunities, young people, well you should get involved. - -I’ve been involved. It’s so bureaucratic and soul-crushing you lose vision of the bigger picture, the reason you got involved. “Well just keep at it.” Why TF would I keep at it when I know I’m operating in a system that is built against me, against my values? And then like, let’s say you get an important piece of legislation passed great! It has no teeth, it’s not enforceable, it has no funding attached to it, it’s easily circumvented. - -We have people sleeping on the sidewalk, scared out of their minds, while Jeff Bezos & Elon Musk are rocketing themselves to space because, why not?! Yay rich people fun! We have billionaires getting richer in a pandemic! Why would I be involved when politicians I’ve admired and supported have been able to accomplish so little? Or do (what I consider to be) reprehensible actions I can only hope were done so out of political necessity. - -I work a bullshit job that shouldn’t exist but I’m sure as fuck glad does because *survival.* But, it doesn’t align with my values. In this environment, I don’t know if it would even be possible to have any job that aligned with my values which is so frigging depressing! What do I want to do? I want to help people. Great! Government, healthcare, nonprofits… bureaucratic, underfunded, nightmares. - -I just don’t get it. I’m so sad. I’m so sad for the needless human suffering- physical & mental. Like I don’t get how any sane, mildly informed person would not have depression/anxiety… which sucks! - -I bet you can tell how much fun I am at parties ;-)",1,sick global society sick direction heading really feel like neo techno feudalism imho purpose society eliminate reduce human suffering see happening see happening based amount homelessness see see happening term climate issue reducing ghg emission amp pollution see young people supported high cost living debt low wage u exclusively free cheap healthcare free public higher education cheap healthy convenient food affordable childcare counter heard thing like oh progress made rent control scholarship opportunity young people well get involved involved bureaucratic soul crushing lose vision bigger picture reason got involved well keep tf would keep know operating system built value like let say get important piece legislation passed great teeth enforceable funding attached easily circumvented people sleeping sidewalk scared mind jeff bezos amp elon musk rocketing space yay rich people fun billionaire getting richer pandemic would involved politician admired supported able accomplish little consider reprehensible action hope done political necessity work bullshit job exist sure fuck glad survival align value environment know would even possible job aligned value frigging depressing want want help people great government healthcare nonprofit bureaucratic underfunded nightmare get sad sad needle human suffering physical amp mental like get sane mildly informed person would depression anxiety suck bet tell much fun party -"Seriously help, this has been killing me. - -I feel super down and unmotivated but I also feel fine a lot of times, and happy and can laugh. My highs aren't super high but my lows are pretty low, but every time I feel happy I always feel like I'm faking everything, overexaggerating my symtoms and am just a bad person overall. (I'm diagnosed) - -has this happened to anybody else?? What do I do??",1,seriously help killing feel super unmotivated also feel fine lot time happy laugh high super high low pretty low every time feel happy always feel like faking everything overexaggerating symtoms bad person overall diagnosed happened anybody else -"I'm done et je n'essaie même plus. j'fatigué de rusher mentalement, et même les psychologues ne peuvent plus m'aider, ça ne peut pas être résolu, j'suis iné comme ça. je ne sais pas ce que je fais ici, je pourrai pas finir cette année. inquiétez-vous pas, inquiétez-vous juste plus. je peux pas être aidé et je remarque que ma présence ne fait que tanner tout le monde, je pourrai jamais m'adapter, penser normalement, comprendre normalement et personne n'a à s'épuiser à vouloir m'aider là-dedans",1,done et je n essaie plus j fatigu de rusher mentalement et le psychologues ne peuvent plus aider ne peut pa tre r solu j suis comme je ne sais pa ce que je fais ici je pourrai pa finir cette ann e inqui tez vous pa inqui tez vous juste plus je peux pa tre aid et je remarque que pr sence ne fait que tanner tout le monde je pourrai jamais adapter penser normalement comprendre normalement et personne n puiser vouloir aider l dedans -"I have been suffering from what I can only imagine is some kind of fairly severe depression for almost 2 years now. I’m sorry if this post is hard to read I’m new to redit and have been reading post in this sub and it just made me feel moved to share my story. - -To start off my depression started almost 2 years ago. I was in a wonderful relationship with this beautiful girl I had met in highschool and I had moved away to college but I still came home every weekend to see her. Everything was going great and then over the course of a few weeks (or months, I don’t even remember how it really started) I just began to get more and more depressed. At first I didn’t think anything of it, I’m the middle child of 2 other boys, we grew up with a very abusive father until I was 12 when my mom took us and left and I just always through depression was something only weak people got and i never fully understood it. Although now I know that my real father struggled while mental illness and sever depression. Anyway back to my story, every in my life was going great, I had made new friends in college and my relationship was going great I just could feel myself becoming more and more closed off and lonely even though I was surrounded by amazing friends and family. I began to fight with my girlfriend because she could tell I was being distant we started to fight more and more the the distance only made it worse. When I finally did open up to her all she knew to do was tell her mother with made me miserable, I hated that fact that I thought someone saw me as weak and I started to dread seeing her and her family. A couple months into my depression and my girlfriend has become the only person who truly knows how I feel and is the only person I ever confide in. - -Then one day a close friend of my girlfriends commented suicide. This absolutely destroyed her, she became extremely depressed and started to have suicidal thought. I then pushed all my problems aside and did my best to help her through her issues. I took her to counseling and did everything I could to help her. But she slowly got better and was never the same. And now with us both being depressed our relationship became miserable, neither one of us were happy and we thought that if we split up maybe we would be able to find some joy in our lives again, so we broke up in made and these last 10 months have been the worst of my life. She was my best friend and the only person in the world I have ever loved. It’s gotten easier these past few months but I have lost all joy in my life. Everything I used to love i have no passion for anymore. I’m still in college but I don’t every compete any off my work, I never go to class. I hardly ever sleep, ill go 5 or 6 night sleeping maybe 2 hours a night then ill just sleep 18 hours straight. I find no meaning in life anymore, I just feel this giant empty hole in my chest that I can’t feel. My grandmother died last month, we were extremely close and I never even shed a tear, the rest of my family was balling and I was just sitting there with no emotion. I’m never happy, I’m not even sad, I just feel absolutely nothing. Almost every other night i put my pistol to my head just hoping it’ll go off because I’m not man enough to actually pull the trigger. I’ve tried to move on and tried to get better I just don’t know what to do, and I have no one to tell. I transferred colleges so I lost all the friends I had and I’m too embarrassed to tell me family. I’ve read every self help book I can find and nothing does it for me. I just keep praying that one day soon God will take me off this earth because I don’t know how to keep living like this. - - -I’m sorry if this is too long and I know I jump around a lot and everything may not make sense I just wanted to get this off my chest and I’m thankful there is a place for me to",1,suffering imagine kind fairly severe depression almost year sorry post hard read new redit reading post sub made feel moved share story start depression started almost year ago wonderful relationship beautiful girl met highschool moved away college still came home every weekend see everything going great course week month even remember really started began get depressed first think anything middle child boy grew abusive father mom took u left always depression something weak people got never fully understood although know real father struggled mental illness sever depression anyway back story every life going great made new friend college relationship going great could feel becoming closed lonely even though surrounded amazing friend family began fight girlfriend could tell distant started fight distance made worse finally open knew tell mother made miserable hated fact thought someone saw weak started dread seeing family couple month depression girlfriend become person truly know feel person ever confide one day close friend girlfriend commented suicide absolutely destroyed became extremely depressed started suicidal thought pushed problem aside best help issue took counseling everything could help slowly got better never u depressed relationship became miserable neither one u happy thought split maybe would able find joy life broke made last 0 month worst life best friend person world ever loved gotten easier past month lost joy life everything used love passion anymore still college every compete work never go class hardly ever sleep ill go night sleeping maybe hour night ill sleep hour straight find meaning life anymore feel giant empty hole chest feel grandmother died last month extremely close never even shed tear rest family balling sitting emotion never happy even sad feel absolutely nothing almost every night put pistol head hoping go man enough actually pull trigger tried move tried get better know one tell transferred college lost friend embarrassed tell family read every self help book find nothing keep praying one day soon god take earth know keep living like sorry long know jump around lot everything may make sense wanted get chest thankful place -"I (25F) have a lot of personal challenges including depression, anxiety, PTSD, and idiopathic hypersomnia (always tired, no solutions). I have been dating my boyfriend (26M) for almost 4 years now and even though he has no personal experience with mental illness, he does his best to be understanding and helpful when I’m falling apart. - -However, lately I’ve been feeling very insecure in our relationship because I feel like I don’t do even half as much for him as he does for me. He does a majority of the cooking, cleaning, and laundry, especially lately since my mental health has been declining in the last few months. I know that it seems simple for me to contribute more to these things, but it’s hard for me to bring myself to do these things when all I want to do is sleep and distract myself from my depression. I have talked to him about how I’ve been feeling and apologized for not doing more, and while he says he understands, I’m so scared that he’ll leave me because I’m a wreck. - -I’m trying to budget for therapy, but it’s looking like I probably can’t afford it until May. I just don’t know what I can do to feel better and start pulling my weight.",1,f lot personal challenge including depression anxiety ptsd idiopathic hypersomnia always tired solution dating boyfriend almost year even though personal experience mental illness best understanding helpful falling apart however lately feeling insecure relationship feel like even half much majority cooking cleaning laundry especially lately since mental health declining last month know seems simple contribute thing hard bring thing want sleep distract depression talked feeling apologized say understands scared leave wreck trying budget therapy looking like probably afford may know feel better start pulling weight -"It’s so pointless for me to still be alive - -My life is worthless - -Why am I still here",1,pointless still alive life worthless still -"So as a kid I moved around a lot because my Dad was in the military. But since my teens I've lived in the same state and its been a near decade. I'm depressed and I want to travel and move to other places. This isn't isolated. I also have Dysthymia, Social Anxiety Disorder and Aspergers. - -I'm just wondering cause it's hard to find others who relate to this.",1,kid moved around lot dad military since teen lived state near decade depressed want travel move place isolated also dysthymia social anxiety disorder aspergers wondering cause hard find others relate -"I'm 28 going 29 this year. Life has always been a Rollercoaster for me. Consistently an A student till HS. Then dropped out of college due to severe disinterest and had to take care of mother that had Stage 3 cancer. Not formally diagnosed but I'm sure that's when I developed some sort of depression. After all that, I went to work on and off in small bakeries without formal training of any kind (which is a pressure of its own). Cooking and baking has always been my catharsis though, which is why I never gave up pursuing this career, even now. Picked it up really well but have gaps of missing knowledge since I never went to culinary school. Was doing well for a few years there but then the pandemic hit, and at the same time my mother went into remission, so I had to leave the west coast back to the east to take care of her. I love my family, don't get me wrong, I am more than happy to take of them. But we are not financially stable in any sense, even before the pandemic. So I guess this is where it leads to, the present, my current rock bottom (always thought the low points of my life can't get any worse, but here I am experiencing it all over again). Mom is now stable, or as stable as can be, so I'm back in the west coast and currently have a job working in a hotel in pastry. - -I'm pretty good at what I do, or at least the things I know how to do, in terms of pastry. But working at a hotel is a whole different scene and they expect a lot out of you. - -I'm pretty sure I'm about to be fired, because I may be a liability. I have huge gaps in my work history due to family issues. And huge gaps in my pastry knowledge because I am only well versed only in what I would consider 70% of the basics. - -Employers really don't care about all of this. They just want qualified people. Not your sob story. - -So yeah, life has always been hard for me personally and I feel it's about to get worse. If and when I do get fired, it'll hit me pretty hard mentally. - -Thanks everyone for reading through this entire rant. I don't have anyone else to tell this to.",1,going 9 year life always rollercoaster consistently student till h dropped college due severe disinterest take care mother stage cancer formally diagnosed sure developed sort depression went work small bakery without formal training kind pressure cooking baking always catharsis though never gave pursuing career even picked really well gap missing knowledge since never went culinary school well year pandemic hit time mother went remission leave west coast back east take care love family get wrong happy take financially stable sense even pandemic guess lead present current rock bottom always thought low point life get worse experiencing mom stable stable back west coast currently job working hotel pastry pretty good least thing know term pastry working hotel whole different scene expect lot pretty sure fired may liability huge gap work history due family issue huge gap pastry knowledge well versed would consider 0 basic employer really care want qualified people sob story yeah life always hard personally feel get worse get fired hit pretty hard mentally thanks everyone reading entire rant anyone else tell -"I feel like I ruined my life by not taking my education seriously during high school. I’m 23, unemployed, and have zero goals in life. I’m not diagnosed with anything but I suspect that I have social anxiety, depression, and maybe ADD. I have a really low self-esteem regarding my intelligence, but I am putting the effort into improving. I’m watching videos and taking notes on YouTube about topics that I know I missed during high school. In a way I do feel proud of myself, but I find myself constantly pausing the video to look up a word that is unknown to me. Words that I feel like I should already know as an adult, and I feel stupid and begin self-loathing because of it. I don’t do this with just words though, I also do this with just about any topic that I’m not knowledgeable in. There’s just so much that I’m embarrassingly unaware of. All ranging between the sciences, to world history, to economics, to politics, to mathematics, to literature, even to basic English grammar. There’s just so much that I missed and I’m feeling too overwhelmed by it all. I don’t know where to start. To make matters worse, I feel like I’m being timed to learn all of these things. As I said earlier, I’m unemployed and I’m living off of my savings. I suppose I could get a job, but I lack any real-world skills. I have nothing worthy to offer to any potential employer, hiring me would just be an act of charity. Then there’s also the fact that I’m too shy to even talk to people. I’m afraid to open my mouth because I might reveal how stupid I truly am. I have no one to talk to about this stuff because I know I’ll just hear responses like “welp, you shoulda payed more attention in school.” Yeah, I know that already. What do I do now? Live a long miserable life until I finally succumb to old age? Well in that case, I might as well just end it now. - -There’s no real point to this post aside from me venting a little. I guess for the sake of asking a question, what advice would you give to someone looking to homeschool himself? - -I did graduate from high school btw. Don’t ask me how because I don’t know either.",1,feel like ruined life taking education seriously high school unemployed zero goal life diagnosed anything suspect social anxiety depression maybe add really low self esteem regarding intelligence putting effort improving watching video taking note youtube topic know missed high school way feel proud find constantly pausing video look word unknown word feel like already know adult feel stupid begin self loathing word though also topic knowledgeable much embarrassingly unaware ranging science world history economics politics mathematics literature even basic english grammar much missed feeling overwhelmed know start make matter worse feel like timed learn thing said earlier unemployed living saving suppose could get job lack real world skill nothing worthy offer potential employer hiring would act charity also fact shy even talk people afraid open mouth might reveal stupid truly one talk stuff know hear response like welp shoulda payed attention school yeah know already live long miserable life finally succumb old age well case might well end real point post aside venting little guess sake asking question advice would give someone looking homeschool graduate high school btw ask know either -"I have nearly 1200 dollars saved as a student working 25 hours a week. I spend money on almost nothing but random food, rent to parents, car payments, and gas. - -I just feel like spending money because It feels like it'd make me feel better. But I still don't wanna do anything. - -Any video game I can buy. Hobbies? Sure. All I really want is good company but thats the one thing I can't really get LMAO.",1,nearly 00 dollar saved student working hour week spend money almost nothing random food rent parent car payment gas feel like spending money feel like make feel better still wan na anything video game buy hobby sure really want good company thats one thing really get lmao -"do you have a channel that you resort to/kinda feel 'at home' watching? especially if they're underground/not that popular. - -i feel the loneliest watching out-of-touch-with-reality youtubers, or heavily edited ones with tons of sponsorships and shallow content/attitude. - -so i'm trying to make a list of realistic/authentic ones to get to feel better. i dislike the bs and exhausted methods of popular youtubers.",1,channel resort kinda feel home watching especially underground popular feel loneliest watching touch reality youtubers heavily edited one ton sponsorship shallow content attitude trying make list realistic authentic one get feel better dislike b exhausted method popular youtubers -"so, i’ve struggled w executive dysfunction for 9 years. throughout my 5 years of college, there was not one assignment that i did not do the night before it was due. i studied late, ate terribly, & went thru a terrible depression. - -a year after graduating i still have a really hard time doing things in general. i stall before i do anything at all & it oftentimes leads to me not doing the thing at all. also, i kind of live my entire life on pause, only taking care of myself when i have something planned or to look forward to. - -i left my job that i was insanely good at bc the commitment & longevity terrified me… - -why can’t i function? & what has helped u work thru these feelings?",1,struggled w executive dysfunction 9 year throughout year college one assignment night due studied late ate terribly amp went thru terrible depression year graduating still really hard time thing general stall anything amp oftentimes lead thing also kind live entire life pause taking care something planned look forward left job insanely good bc commitment amp longevity terrified function amp helped u work thru feeling -"I have suffered depression most of my life, ever since I can remember I have always felt something was off or wrong even when I was a child, I just didn't have a name for it. I lived in a Latin household so of course whenever I talked about it with someone I was mostly met with ""man up"" ""its just a phase"" ""its all in your head"" or ""you are a kid you dont know"". Im now 21. - -I started therapy 3 years ago, started taking pills again this month. I don't get any joy out of life, I have had friends, best friends, girlfriends. Ive been to private islands, visited many countries and met a lot of people. Im a very lucky person, it just saddens me the amount of people that would have enjoyed those experiences even more than me but didnt get to do it. My parents tell me that they will always support me but all I want is to stop living. - -Im sorry if this doesn't fit the general theme of this subreddit, I usually don't think my problem is as big or important as any of yours. I just needed to vent and have somebody hear me out cause I don't have anyone else. Every person always ends up either leaving or im the one leaving them because I dont want them to have to suffer even a little bit because of me. I wish there was a button I could press to end my existence. - -However for anyone else that is going through what I am, please don't stop trying to get better, I know you can do it. I may not be strong enough but im sure you will win this fight. Do it for everyone who has already given up on themselves. - -Im sorry for the long post, I hope you have a good life.",1,suffered depression life ever since remember always felt something wrong even child name lived latin household course whenever talked someone mostly met man phase head kid dont know im started therapy year ago started taking pill month get joy life friend best friend girlfriend ive private island visited many country met lot people im lucky person saddens amount people would enjoyed experience even didnt get parent tell always support want stop living im sorry fit general theme subreddit usually think problem big important needed vent somebody hear cause anyone else every person always end either leaving im one leaving dont want suffer even little bit wish button could press end existence however anyone else going please stop trying get better know may strong enough im sure win fight everyone already given im sorry long post hope good life -"I used to be highly functional before but it now I can barely function at all. I takes everything just to keep myself alive, I go days without eating how am I ever going to get work done. Sometime I think I was not meant for this world. There is something very wrong with my brain, how am I supposed to fix it? How do you keep on living like this forever.",1,used highly functional barely function take everything keep alive go day without eating ever going get work done sometime think meant world something wrong brain supposed fix keep living like forever -"I don’t know if this is the right place to talk about this. As of lately everything seems so lifeless and empty. I feel empty I have family and friends who care for me but still have this void inside. I don’t know I’m just so lost. I’m not used to posting shit like this, I’m usually an outgoing guy. The type that seems happy and makes plans with friends. I try acting like I’m okay but it’s draining. Talking to people feels draining, I know I sound like I’m bitching but I’m just confused. I’ve also tried doing a new hobby and working out but it only makes me forget about it temporarily..",1,know right place talk lately everything seems lifeless empty feel empty family friend care still void inside know lost used posting shit like usually outgoing guy type seems happy make plan friend try acting like okay draining talking people feel draining know sound like bitching confused also tried new hobby working make forget temporarily -"I've posted here many times under many different names. My cat is dying as of the moment and I can't do anything about it. I wish I could take him to a vet but I don't have the capacity to take him there. My internship is starting next week and I won't have any money until I receive my first pay check next month. It's so hard to see him suffer. He's the only one that tethers me to this world. I wish I could die with him. He took me out of depression, and I can't do anything for him in return. He's the only reason why I continue to fight. I continue to feed and make him drink with a syringe. He hates it when others do it but he trust me his life. I wish I could tell him I'm sorry that couldn't do anything. I love you. - -I'll have my final interview in an hour. I know it's selfish for me to say I wish I get through it when he's the one dying. I don't know where else to share it.",1,posted many time many different name cat dying moment anything wish could take vet capacity take internship starting next week money receive first pay check next month hard see suffer one tether world wish could die took depression anything return reason continue fight continue feed make drink syringe hate others trust life wish could tell sorry anything love final interview hour know selfish say wish get one dying know else share -I’m starting to lose hope. I feel like I’m on auto-pilot. I’m not living— I’m existing.,1,starting lose hope feel like auto pilot living existing -"I just feel like I’ll have depression forever. Nothing really works, at least not for long. I’m just too tired. I don’t want to try so hard all the time anymore. I don’t want to get better. I give up.",1,feel like depression forever nothing really work least long tired want try hard time anymore want get better give -"I started going to therapy Cz I suddenly realised that I’m not living and that I’m just walking through life! They told me I have severe depression and anxiety. The thing is, I feel like I don’t know what’s wrong with me I don’t know why I’m feeling that way? Even though I fully understand all the problems that I have and I know how they’re affecting me but I feel like that’s not it, there must be something else, because if I know what’s wrong with me, It would make sense that I would be able to heal, but that’s not working even with pills. I don’t know what to do.",1,started going therapy cz suddenly realised living walking life told severe depression anxiety thing feel like know wrong know feeling way even though fully understand problem know affecting feel like must something else know wrong would make sense would able heal working even pill know -"It's just a constant reminder that you don't really have any friends, seeing everyone having fun, laughing, hanging out with eachother, and then there's me, depressing awkward and lonely, I fucking hate it. I just can't take it, every single day being reminded of how much of a sad loser I am",1,constant reminder really friend seeing everyone fun laughing hanging eachother depressing awkward lonely fucking hate take every single day reminded much sad loser - I want to be dead. Ive been suicidal for years. Im such a fucking retard filled with regret and anger. Im done with life. I want all of this to stop. Why I cant do one thing right.,1,want dead ive suicidal year im fucking retard filled regret anger im done life want stop cant one thing right -"I have plenty of people who pity me, i often feel like a project to them instead of a person. Calling me to see if I'm okay and then hang up 30 seconds later when I say I'm fine, check in on text once in a while, it seems more like a task than concern. And for the people who don't pity me, it seems to me that they're more just people I know than a person to call a friend. If I'm being honest, I'm not the type of person to actively seek friends. But fuck man, i just want a person to talk shit with once in a while. But I've come to realize my mind is too fucked to poison other people, so best to leave them be of my presence. It's honestly got to the point where my mind is going numb, we all know what happens then.",1,plenty people pity often feel like project instead person calling see okay hang 0 second later say fine check text seems like task concern people pity seems people know person call friend honest type person actively seek friend fuck man want person talk shit come realize mind fucked poison people best leave presence honestly got point mind going numb know happens -"I just don't have the will to do much most days. When I finally do get the energy to be productive it doesn't last any longer than a week. I procrastinate all tasks, even the easy ones. And I can't just can't think straight. Even one the days I am motivated to be productive I can't focus and I end up being really tired.",1,much day finally get energy productive last longer week procrastinate task even easy one think straight even one day motivated productive focus end really tired -"After years of constantly feeling dead inside, I’m starting to wondering if I’ve actually died at some point and I just never realized it, like in M. Night Shyamalan’s The Sixth Sense.",1,year constantly feeling dead inside starting wondering actually died point never realized like night shyamalan sixth sense -"Nothing Is normal anymore, I used to be this happy funny kid and now all I do is silently tear up and think about blowing my brains out, like seriously there's nothing else to think about. I feel like nobody cares, I'm not going to talk to my father about this and my friend would only agree with me, hel I didn't know if I should come here. I can never sleep and when I do it's in the middle of class. I keep everything inside and I think it's making go insane. There's some worse stuff on here so I don't know if I belong here. I'm sorry for wasting your time.",1,nothing normal anymore used happy funny kid silently tear think blowing brain like seriously nothing else think feel like nobody care going talk father friend would agree hel know come never sleep middle class keep everything inside think making go insane worse stuff know belong sorry wasting time -"There's this idea that people will say ""you can always count on me, never bottle up your feelings, share"" and you do that and everything will be alright - -The truth is that people will lose their respect for you, they'll think of you as a problem and will just feel obligated of half-assing some help - -Not worth it. I'll just suffer in silence, ok",1,idea people say always count never bottle feeling share everything alright truth people lose respect think problem feel obligated half assing help worth suffer silence ok -"was doing good at the start of the year and i can just feel the darkness over my shoulder. i hate this , i hate depression. when i don’t have it , it feels like “how was i even depressed” then it creeps back and i’m like “how was i ever happy”",1,good start year feel darkness shoulder hate hate depression feel like even depressed creep back like ever happy -" Was said to me by my mom too. The sentence still rings in my mind, not because of how much it irritates me but because of how inherently true it is. And not long before that, she also felt the need to tell me directly that she doesn't care about how I feel, nor if I hurt myself. Thanks for supporting me, mom. - -After already struggling with a potent and vicious envy, tormenting and tearing me apart from the inside out that nobody besides myself can comprehend the degree of, I've reached a breaking point beyond what I've felt before. Living life, unable to stop thinking of someone who feels the exact same, just better. - -Disturbingly similar attributes, ideas, and one particular concept. A concept they executed first, because unlike me, they're smart, and put their years of childhood into crafting something awe inspiring, something I should've done by now. It all perfectly lines up and enunciates all of my shortcomings. Constant crying, nightmares, panic attacks, and many points of a gun to my head. I'm nineteen, and they're a year younger than I am, which really tells how close I was. - -All of these desires and concepts, too bad they were stuck in a frangible brain like mine so I could only watch everyone similar sprout and bloom into something significant and prodigious. Something I should have done. Unfortunately, I clearly wasn't meant to accomplish any of that. - -So I've tried drawing boxes, and figures, but in the end, I know better. How it'll take years of struggling with this before anything I create even resembles anything I want it to be. I don't have the willpower to do it, nothing to overcome my feelings of valuelessness. - -I've just wanted to impress people. Endlessly feeling boring and disposable takes a toll on you, especially when you see other people very similar to you shining like stars. And this means there's technically no more passion in me. Passion is the heart and soul in the concept of art. - -So there it is. I'm not capable of true art. I can't comprehend true art. - -Sure, whatever may be unique about me will die with me before any of it could come out. But you know what? There's a lot of people out there who do it better. There are people who's unique ideas are more intuitive and inspiring than mine are. - -The artist I envy has executed concepts and ideas with disturbingly strong similarities to my own, just better, and there are many alike him as well. So if people would like whatever is unique about me so damn much, they can just go to that fucking artist instead. The one who didn't fuck everything up. The one who could handle the hardships he was dealt. I'm done with it all. - -I already tried shooting myself in 2016, and failed. Once I try a second, I definitely won't have to try a third.",1,said mom sentence still ring mind much irritates inherently true long also felt need tell directly care feel hurt thanks supporting mom already struggling potent vicious envy tormenting tearing apart inside nobody besides comprehend degree reached breaking point beyond felt living life unable stop thinking someone feel exact better disturbingly similar attribute idea one particular concept concept executed first unlike smart put year childhood crafting something awe inspiring something done perfectly line enunciates shortcoming constant cry nightmare panic attack many point gun head nineteen year younger really tell close desire concept bad stuck frangible brain like mine could watch everyone similar sprout bloom something significant prodigious something done unfortunately clearly meant accomplish tried drawing box figure end know better take year struggling anything create even resembles anything want willpower nothing overcome feeling valuelessness wanted impress people endlessly feeling boring disposable take toll especially see people similar shining like star mean technically passion passion heart soul concept art capable true art comprehend true art sure whatever may unique die could come know lot people better people unique idea intuitive inspiring mine artist envy executed concept idea disturbingly strong similarity better many alike well people would like whatever unique damn much go fucking artist instead one fuck everything one could handle hardship dealt done already tried shooting 0 failed try second definitely try third -"I regret backing out of committing suicide pretty often. I’ve done it three times now, overdosed once. - -From the outside I know for a fact I look like a whiny teen. I’ve been told so many, many times. -I’m just tired of relapses. I’m tired of constantly putting everything I have into being better only to barely get anywhere, and then being exhausted. I’m tired of being yelled at for things I can’t control, and being told the same pathetic motivational quotes like they ever mean anything. -I’m tired of people “praying” for me, saying I need to ask god for help. God wasn’t there for me when I was being sexually assaulted. God wasn’t there for me when my mom got blackout drunk and beat my sister in front of me. God wasn’t there when I was left alone for weeks because my dad would “rather be anywhere else”. I don’t care what people say, god isn’t real. There is no divine protection, and there is no savior. There’s life and death. What happens in between is your problem. - -I’m tired of being labeled a mental case. -I’m tired of seeing hallucinations, having flashbacks, and I’m tired of feeling manic. I’m tired of relying on prescription drugs to be good enough for society. - -I wish I had done in then, because I have things to live for now. I have responsibilities and things that mean something to me. -It’s like a dog having a bone dangled just far enough to where they can’t get it. -I’ve come to terms that I’ll never be what my parents wanted me to be, and that my sister took on that role for me at a young age. A nurse at 27, dating to marry with a nice house in a nice neighborhood. -I’m struggling to even have the will to get up and enroll myself in community college. It’s pathetic. I work, but I work at a sports bar and because of my “disabilities” my hours keep getting cut. Turns out nobody wants to hire someone who can’t be around many people or loud noises, that goes into a manic episode if triggered. - -The more I think about what I am, the more depressed I get. Without the medication, I’d most likely be labeled “insane” and put in a glorified prison again. I take a lot of drugs and still see and hear the shit that I do, and I don’t remember half of my life when I was off of them. -I keep getting told that it’s my fault by my mom, and she is basically begging me to “do something” but nothing I ever do is good enough, so why keep trying. - -I don’t know. It’s not logical to commit suicide at this point, but I can’t deny that I secretly hope a semi turns my car into a crushed can on my way to work. - -PTSD, severe depression, crippling anxiety, and psychotic disorder are not a good mix. Especially when you’re lucid. - -I don’t know if I have a future. I’ve proven safe for society with reasonable accommodations, but at what point does it even matter anymore? The fact that I need a crutch immediately sets me apart, and people notice.",1,regret backing committing suicide pretty often done three time overdosed outside know fact look like whiny teen told many many time tired relapse tired constantly putting everything better barely get anywhere exhausted tired yelled thing control told pathetic motivational quote like ever mean anything tired people praying saying need ask god help god sexually assaulted god mom got blackout drunk beat sister front god left alone week dad would rather anywhere else care people say god real divine protection savior life death happens problem tired labeled mental case tired seeing hallucination flashback tired feeling manic tired relying prescription drug good enough society wish done thing live responsibility thing mean something like dog bone dangled far enough get come term never parent wanted sister took role young age nurse dating marry nice house nice neighborhood struggling even get enroll community college pathetic work work sport bar disability hour keep getting cut turn nobody want hire someone around many people loud noise go manic episode triggered think depressed get without medication likely labeled insane put glorified prison take lot drug still see hear shit remember half life keep getting told fault mom basically begging something nothing ever good enough keep trying know logical commit suicide point deny secretly hope semi turn car crushed way work ptsd severe depression crippling anxiety psychotic disorder good mix especially lucid know future proven safe society reasonable accommodation point even matter anymore fact need crutch immediately set apart people notice -(25/M) My head was so fucked up last night. I was in physical pain. I live alone. Parents dead. No family. No s/o. I was just lying in my bed sober and dark thoughts. I can’t explain the pain other than it felt like gravity was working 2x hard. I wanted to go to the liquor store and drown myself in alcohol but somehow I resisted the urge until they closed. Somehow I was able to fall asleep for a couple hours. Now it’s morning. I guess I survived another night. For now.,1,head fucked last night physical pain live alone parent dead family lying bed sober dark thought explain pain felt like gravity working x hard wanted go liquor store drown alcohol somehow resisted urge closed somehow able fall asleep couple hour morning guess survived another night -"the apple app store is filled with themIts bad enough to operate this type service through in app purchases, some with free trials, but when you read the reviews they are all riddled with examples of predatory pricing or the ""counselor"" or whatever just completely ghosting them after taking money for a couple sessions. its fucking terrible when you consider how many suicides it will lead to that could have been prevented if they had actual help. - -Its pretty disgusting that apple atleast treats them like great, top tier apps and has them in a bunch of their lists when they shouldnt be in the store at all - -sorry just a rant. I wish I could suggest decent mental health apps but I have no clue.",1,apple app store filled themits bad enough operate type service app purchase free trial read review riddled example predatory pricing counselor whatever completely ghosting taking money couple session fucking terrible consider many suicide lead could prevented actual help pretty disgusting apple atleast treat like great top tier apps bunch list shouldnt store sorry rant wish could suggest decent mental health apps clue -"[Share your story] (https://www.dearteenagers.org) - -Hey friend I hope you’re hanging in there. I recently stumbled across this online platform that lets you post your personal stories to it and remain anonymous.",1,share story http www dearteenagers org hey friend hope hanging recently stumbled across online platform let post personal story remain anonymous -"I suck at literally everything, i always have sucked at everything ive tried so many different things ive put in effort for it to be wasted im just wanna be something, everyday im surrounded by people who are all skilled and talented and then theres me, i cant do anything and i mean anything ive never been good at anything ive always dreamt of it but everytime i try it just becomes a giant waste of time i just wish i could be good at something then id probably start to love a treat myself better, it just sucks when you���re the only person you know who isnt interesting, im about to just give up on caring for myself completely at this point.",1,suck literally everything always sucked everything ive tried many different thing ive put effort wasted im wan na something everyday im surrounded people skilled talented there cant anything mean anything ive never good anything ive always dreamt everytime try becomes giant waste time wish could good something id probably start love treat better suck person know isnt interesting im give caring completely point -I don't really have any actual friends but I also have no motivation to actually make any. I just can't be bothered but in a way I'm almost scared to feel better again. It's like I enjoy feeling sorry for myself or something.,1,really actual friend also motivation actually make bothered way almost scared feel better like enjoy feeling sorry something -"I thought because everything in life was good (which wasn’t true bc of my own delusions), I could start opening up to people about me and how I feel. -All I get is ignored. Interrupted. Disrespected. Laughed at. Mocked. All under the facade of a joke. - -I hope this anger in my heart burns brighter with each day so I will never forget to mistrust people. They can’t handle to the truth about me.",1,thought everything life good true bc delusion could start opening people feel get ignored interrupted disrespected laughed mocked facade joke hope anger heart burn brighter day never forget mistrust people handle truth -"I've had depression since I was 13. It comes and it goes but it came back around 2017 and never really left, just gradually got worse. - -I dont enjoy anything anymore. I dont look forward to anything. I just wait for the days to end knowing theres another one anyway. All my days bleed together at this point (insomnia doesnt help) to where everything just feels like a long, long loop. - -My girlfriend of 9 years left me recently, it got to be too much for her. I was trying but I guess not enough. - -I only have a handful of friends, but theyre either all going through something or dont quite understand how I put what im feeling into words, so I dont feel like i can really talk to anyone. - -I use talkspace, but even that feels hollow. - -No goals. No aspirations. I work in a job where theres really no advancement. Im barely able to keep myself standing financially. - -Overall I just feel like a loser. Im 35. I dont connect with people. I feel like im just going to be alone forever. - -The last few months (pre and post break up) i find myself sitting in my car alone in an empty parking lot till early morning, talking to myself, hoping that SOMETHING will help, but im just talking into an empty void. Im agnostic, I want so badly to believe that theres something somewhere that hears me but I know thats just not realistic. - -I've contemplated suicide several times , but im to weak to go through with it, too scared I'll screw it up or worse, disappointing my family. - -I really dont know what to do. Its like im just sleepwalking through life. I find my moments to distract me whether its going to the gym or focusing on my other ventures but at the end of the day it all just comes back to this. - -I had everything and I pissed it away like I always do. - -I dont see my value.",1,depression since come go came back around 0 never really left gradually got worse dont enjoy anything anymore dont look forward anything wait day end knowing there another one anyway day bleed together point insomnia doesnt help everything feel like long long loop girlfriend 9 year left recently got much trying guess enough handful friend theyre either going something dont quite understand put im feeling word dont feel like really talk anyone use talkspace even feel hollow goal aspiration work job there really advancement im barely able keep standing financially overall feel like loser im dont connect people feel like im going alone forever last month pre post break find sitting car alone empty parking lot till early morning talking hoping something help im talking empty void im agnostic want badly believe there something somewhere hears know thats realistic contemplated suicide several time im weak go scared screw worse disappointing family really dont know like im sleepwalking life find moment distract whether going gym focusing venture end day come back everything pissed away like always dont see value -"Even though I’m sure they’re slowly inching away, whether or not it’s my fault. I just want a partner, a best friend, *something* to make me feel like a first choice instead of a second or third option. I’m just tired.",1,even though sure slowly inching away whether fault want partner best friend something make feel like first choice instead second third option tired -"I’ve been struggling with depression for basically my whole life, I wasn’t diagnosed with anything until a year ago but I believe it’s been a problem for me for the last 7 years. Im really getting frustrated with myself because I see where I used to be and the potential I had, and so does everyone else. Yet I’ve been struggling to get out of bed, can’t commit to school, I’ve blocked myself off from seeing friends for reasons I’m not even sure of. Long story short I’m not who I should or want to be. Has anyone else struggled with this? I know for myself that I really somedays cannot get out of bed BUT is this something that I can control? I want to be better for myself, I don’t want to have these reoccurring thoughts of suicide and self hatred. Am I using it as an excuse to be lazy everyday? Talking to my parents makes me feel like I’m just being lazy and I’m constantly comparing myself to my brothers who appear to be doing good in life. Please tell it to me straight, don’t tell me everything will get better. I need to fix this asap.",1,struggling depression basically whole life diagnosed anything year ago believe problem last year im really getting frustrated see used potential everyone else yet struggling get bed commit school blocked seeing friend reason even sure long story short want anyone else struggled know really somedays get bed something control want better want reoccurring thought suicide self hatred using excuse lazy everyday talking parent make feel like lazy constantly comparing brother appear good life please tell straight tell everything get better need fix asap -"I think this is mental breakdown but over the past few months things have been slowly building up for me and I seem to have finally snapped last week. - -My daily routine is basically wake up, shit, shower, brush, and sit on the PC until I go back to bed. I eat whenever I feel like it. - -I know it sounds and it a shit schedule but it's like the ONLY structure I have in my life. As boring and shitty as it is it's always the one thing I can kinda find comfort and stability in. - -Anyways, the final thing happened that made me snap last week. - -I now wake up and just kinda sit in my bed for a while, brush my teeth, go walk outside for an hour and then drive around for a few hours. Then I come back, shit, shower and the only thing I have left is to sit on my PC but it is borderline painful to do that. - -Idk what it is but I just can't handle wasting my time on the PC anymore. I've more or less ditched my online friends and any games, videos, songs that I used to enjoy all day. - -I want to be out of the house as much qs possible and dread the place that I've spent so much time in comfort. I dread going back to my ""safe space"" and wanna avoid it for as long as possible...",1,think mental breakdown past month thing slowly building seem finally snapped last week daily routine basically wake shit shower brush sit pc go back bed eat whenever feel like know sound shit schedule like structure life boring shitty always one thing kinda find comfort stability anyways final thing happened made snap last week wake kinda sit bed brush teeth go walk outside hour drive around hour come back shit shower thing left sit pc borderline painful idk handle wasting time pc anymore le ditched online friend game video song used enjoy day want house much q possible dread place spent much time comfort dread going back safe space wan na avoid long possible -"I know not many people will see this or probably care, but I have no one, or at least no one, who'll genuinely listen. A year or two ago, I wasn't the best person, selfish and careless. I was an alcoholic and a drug addict to deal with everything, which I know now was a horrible coping mechanism, but it was all my 16-year-old brain knew how to do as addictions ran in my family. I was hypersexual with no fundamental understanding of consent because all I knew was assault. I would get drunk and say horrible things, and my actions reflected that. I know trauma isn't an excuse for everything I did to people I used to call my friends, but I swear I never meant to hurt anyone. I was horrible, and when I realized how much hurt I had caused, I never let myself live it down. I couldn't look at myself the same; I would cry for hours because I was a monster that brought trauma to others' lives. I honestly didn't know how to be healthy, and I didn't know how to make real friends without making it sexual because that's all I thought people wanted from me. I know these are a bunch of bullshit excuses, but I don't know what to do. I never wanted to be this person; I left the school that was once my haven because of the rumors. I can't tell who I am anymore. Am I the monster they think I am? I barely remember anything, and I was always drinking, so it's all a blur. - -&#x200B; - -I'm a girl, I'm 17, and this is where it started. I'm not going to give my life story, just the bits that matter. I was accused of assault almost a year ago now with many other claims that had to do with my toxicity. The original person who accused me and I had dealt with it privately, and she had recognized that I was extremely drunk when it happened and the lack of communication on both ends. Honestly, I have taken accountability for the fact that I shouldn't have drank underage and made her uncomfortable. I remember bits and pieces of that night, some of it I can't even put together in my head. But I realized that my behavior was unacceptable, and it wasn't okay. Not okay in the slightest. But it got out to my whole school, rumors began, and people I had past romantic and sexual relationships with accused me of either assaulting them or being toxic. I left the school and sought a lot of therapy, but the rumors have entered my life in a more public setting. I don't blame anyone. I was honestly a piece of shit, but I know everything was consensual. But now I'm not even sure of anything, I think I'm a monster. I don't know what's real and what isn't. I was manipulative and a downright horrible person but I've done everything I can to change and apologize but I can't seem to do it right. I want to take accountability and be better but also want my name out there on the internet associated with these things. My parents don't deserve this. I want to be able to be normal again but then I realize my life has been normal. I've always through trauma, my life is basically one big thing of trauma whether I realize it or not. I'm so sorry, I really hate myself for hurting the people I did. I don't want pity and I know nothing I can do can fix my reputation. I don't even think I deserve it, I really think I should just kill myself. I think that'd give the people I hurt peace of mind. I don't think I deserve to live this life. I'm really sorry, I know you'll judge me too, but I promise I'm really trying to be better and to help people. I'm not sure which perception is real, theirs or mine. I'm broken down, and I wanna be a kid again with my favorite stuffed animal. Maybe, just take a nap and then I'll wake up and be okay.",1,know many people see probably care one least one genuinely listen year two ago best person selfish careless alcoholic drug addict deal everything know horrible coping mechanism year old brain knew addiction ran family hypersexual fundamental understanding consent knew assault would get drunk say horrible thing action reflected know trauma excuse everything people used call friend swear never meant hurt anyone horrible realized much hurt caused never let live look would cry hour monster brought trauma others life honestly know healthy know make real friend without making sexual thought people wanted know bunch bullshit excuse know never wanted person left school rumor tell anymore monster think barely remember anything always drinking blur amp x 00b girl started going give life story bit matter accused assault almost year ago many claim toxicity original person accused dealt privately recognized extremely drunk happened lack communication end honestly taken accountability fact drank underage made uncomfortable remember bit piece night even put together head realized behavior unacceptable okay okay slightest got whole school rumor began people past romantic sexual relationship accused either assaulting toxic left school sought lot therapy rumor entered life public setting blame anyone honestly piece shit know everything consensual even sure anything think monster know real manipulative downright horrible person done everything change apologize seem right want take accountability better also want name internet associated thing parent deserve want able normal realize life normal always trauma life basically one big thing trauma whether realize sorry really hate hurting people want pity know nothing fix reputation even think deserve really think kill think give people hurt peace mind think deserve live life really sorry know judge promise really trying better help people sure perception real mine broken wan na kid favorite stuffed animal maybe take nap wake okay -"I used to be quite smart... Aced everything in high school. Had best results from my school in maturity exams (European equivalent to SATs), used to do extra-curricular shit, like attending science-fairs, going abroad for competitions and shit, used to play the piano, play sports (I was in a pretty good shape) etc... I did well even during my first year of college. Then covid happened... I stayed home, got lazy, played video games all day, kinda stopped taking school and friends seriously... - -2 years later and i am still in a slump. I somehow managed to not drop out, but nothing interests me now, I dont want to do anything, nothing makes me happy. Most of the time I am alone and just sit in my room and watch videos or play some shit, while procrastinating my duties. My grades got worse, my back hurts, I lost my shape, cannot run for more than 2 minutes. My sleep schedule is all over the place, I stay up until 5am and I either sleep like 2-3 hours a day or 12+ hours. - -All the time I am thinking about how I peaked in high school and am just wasting my life now. I dont cry or anything, as I was never really in touch with my emotions, so I dunno if this is depression, burnout or what. I just want to not feel like a piece of shit all the time. I used to have high standards for myself. Now I cant seem to reach the bare minimum in order to exist normally. Does anyone feel the same? How do I get out of this state of mind?",1,used quite smart aced everything high school best result school maturity exam european equivalent sat used extra curricular shit like attending science fair going abroad competition shit used play piano play sport pretty good shape etc well even first year college covid happened stayed home got lazy played video game day kinda stopped taking school friend seriously year later still slump somehow managed drop nothing interest dont want anything nothing make happy time alone sit room watch video play shit procrastinating duty grade got worse back hurt lost shape run minute sleep schedule place stay either sleep like hour day hour time thinking peaked high school wasting life dont cry anything never really touch emotion dunno depression burnout want feel like piece shit time used high standard cant seem reach bare minimum order exist normally anyone feel get state mind -"So many mistakes, every decision made wrong, so many wasted opportunities, so much brutality, so much evil, so much sadness, so much loneliness, so much failures, so much betrayal, so many addictions, so many false hopes, too many failures to bear. How long can my heart beat with this suffering. How long until I give up",1,many mistake every decision made wrong many wasted opportunity much brutality much evil much sadness much loneliness much failure much betrayal many addiction many false hope many failure bear long heart beat suffering long give -"Lately all i basically is sleep. I just don't have the energy for anything else these days. - -I was told I need more intensive treatment but I just... Don't have the energy for that? As sad as that sounds lmao. - -I just want to end this",1,lately basically sleep energy anything else day told need intensive treatment energy sad sound lmao want end -"I just hit something hard, I mean I've been numb before, the loss of feelings has even killed relationship. But after the breakup of the best bf i've ever had, numb has been more common (Keep in mind it's been abt a week so far) well lately with how he's acted and everything and because he even said so, I thought we had a chance to work again in the future (We broke up because he is suffering mental issues) well today, he told me he actually lost feelings, (I also had a small issue with a close friend over lying and smoking) and I flipped, all my past trauma clicked in right there, all the past exes and friends and just people who lied and left me, it all hit again. which it's crazy to me he triggered it but maybe it's because of the connection i once shared with him, but hearing that he lied when he said a couple days before that he still loved me and just was struggling at the time, and all the little flirting and care he's shown feels so contradicting to the point everything clicked off, I cried it all out and the emotions wont come back but not even the emotions feel gone. I feel like I lost my soul. Like I was just blackout drunk my whole life and i just woke up and only recall blurry scenes from my life. And it's all gone. I've distanced myself from a few close friends and rn only have my bsf and sister im Really talking to. I cant tell if i fucked up or what, but it all is so hazy and confusing, I lost whhat im doing. and Idk what this is or what to do to somehow bend up a better person out of this. It's awfully terrifying and it's making me so light headed.",1,hit something hard mean numb loss feeling even killed relationship breakup best bf ever numb common keep mind abt week far well lately acted everything even said thought chance work future broke suffering mental issue well today told actually lost feeling also small issue close friend lying smoking flipped past trauma clicked right past ex friend people lied left hit crazy triggered maybe connection shared hearing lied said couple day still loved struggling time little flirting care shown feel contradicting point everything clicked cried emotion wont come back even emotion feel gone feel like lost soul like blackout drunk whole life woke recall blurry scene life gone distanced close friend rn bsf sister im really talking cant tell fucked hazy confusing lost whhat im idk somehow bend better person awfully terrifying making light headed -"Lately I’ve had very strong feelings of hopelessness like I’m just wasting my life away. I don’t want to be around people most of the time, I purposely try to avoid social situations. I also noticed that if I’m feeling an emotion such as anger I can feel it throughout my entire body. I’m tired of isolating myself and feeling like my life isn’t worth anything. I’ve had thoughts of not wanting to be here anymore but I know that I won’t act on it. I hate feeling this way and I don’t know what to do to fix it. I’ve gone to a psychiatrist but I feel like they don’t really listen to what’s going on and they are more worried about the medication I’m taking. If anyone has any suggestions or natural remedies please share, I’m tired of feeling this way…",1,lately strong feeling hopelessness like wasting life away want around people time purposely try avoid social situation also noticed feeling emotion anger feel throughout entire body tired isolating feeling like life worth anything thought wanting anymore know act hate feeling way know fix gone psychiatrist feel like really listen going worried medication taking anyone suggestion natural remedy please share tired feeling way -"Getting out of bed every day feels like a pain. I feel like rotting in my bed all day. Even completing minor tasks makes me feel drained and lethargic. I'm not sure who I am anymore. I don't have the energy to talk to anyone, yet I'm desperate for love and affection. I'm trying all I can to cry, but it's not working. Could someone kindly tell me if I'm depressed?",1,getting bed every day feel like pain feel like rotting bed day even completing minor task make feel drained lethargic sure anymore energy talk anyone yet desperate love affection trying cry working could someone kindly tell depressed -"I swear I can be doing so good. Doing well with my exercise, with my nutrition, just overall doing well in life, but then that little fucking voice comes back and tells me I can’t do it. It’s a little voice but it’s so fucking loud. I can’t keep letting it get the better of me, but it’s so hard sometimes. I just wish I had someone here to keep me grounded but I have no one. I wish I was loved enough for people to check up on me but no one cares about me. Fuck this stupid fucking mental disorder.",1,swear good well exercise nutrition overall well life little fucking voice come back tell little voice fucking loud keep letting get better hard sometimes wish someone keep grounded one wish loved enough people check one care fuck stupid fucking mental disorder -"I don't know how to answer the question. Do I tell them I hate everyone and everything and want to die? Do I say ""eh"" and invite fake concern? Do I just keep exhausting myself by keeping this mask on and go along with the stupid ""I'm okay"" small talk? Do I play it up with ""im doing great"" and keep pretending that nothing is ever wrong? - -I'm sick of all of it. I've just started staring people with a shit-eating grin until they get uncomfortable whenever they ask this dumbass question.",1,know answer question tell hate everyone everything want die say eh invite fake concern keep exhausting keeping mask go along stupid okay small talk play im great keep pretending nothing ever wrong sick started staring people shit eating grin get uncomfortable whenever ask dumbass question -"I am a 21 male who should be having the time of his life in college. Meeting new people, getting a degree, experiencing all that life has to offer. In reality, I dont want to be here any more. - -I feel that I am in peoples lives to help them through their stuff and then one they're ""fix"", im out of their life. I feel like there are maybe 3 people in the world that would miss me if i wasn't here. I feel like everything I do on a daily basis is to keep an appearance that I want to live and that i am doing things for me. - -I have never been this close to just accepting the fact and just not waking up tomorrow. I know it might hurt some people that I know, but i am dont suffering in silence and I am done with this facade that I have to keep up every single day of my life. - -My life feels like it is on repeat, the same things happen and i dont feel anything besides not wanting to be here. I dont feel emotions like others do. I can go from laughing like im about to cry to a straight face within seconds. I dont feel sadness. I dont feel happiness like others. I am in a constant state of numbness. - -I dont want to play this game anymore. Im done with it. Theres no one I trust that I can share this with and no one in my life truly understands this.",1,male time life college meeting new people getting degree experiencing life offer reality dont want feel people life help stuff one fix im life feel like maybe people world would miss feel like everything daily basis keep appearance want live thing never close accepting fact waking tomorrow know might hurt people know dont suffering silence done facade keep every single day life life feel like repeat thing happen dont feel anything besides wanting dont feel emotion like others go laughing like im cry straight face within second dont feel sadness dont feel happiness like others constant state numbness dont want play game anymore im done there one trust share one life truly understands -"Another day.... -I do not feel alive, I do not feel like I matter, I do feel like I am in the way, and I do feel like my dreams are my only escape. - -Lately I have had more anxiety or stress dreams tho... - -Last one was about the world ending and everyone rich enough could get a ticket to go on lots of huge spaceships... -Ticket price was low enough for my aunt and uncle to afford it. -Left without a bother at all for me being alone. -It felt so strange seeing them board that ship and how little they cared... - -The price was like... 700-1000 dollar per person... -Then added in was pets and I have 3 cats... cats cost 400 per cat... -I could not afford it... -So I was left alone. -Just watching ship after ship leaving. - -Some malfunctioned and crashed... -It was weird watching.... - -Idk... -Im just tired of feeling alone or abandoned even in my dreams, and how people dont get how much my cats matter to me... they are here for me every day... - -Wish insomnia would go away too... - -Just another post from a living dead soul... -Sorry...",1,another day feel alive feel like matter feel like way feel like dream escape lately anxiety stress dream tho last one world ending everyone rich enough could get ticket go lot huge spaceship ticket price low enough aunt uncle afford left without bother alone felt strange seeing board ship little cared price like 00 000 dollar per person added pet cat cat cost 00 per cat could afford left alone watching ship ship leaving malfunctioned crashed weird watching idk im tired feeling alone abandoned even dream people dont get much cat matter every day wish insomnia would go away another post living dead soul sorry -Nothing in life is enjoyable. Not to mention that I have like 15 missing assignments I could be doing right now.,1,nothing life enjoyable mention like missing assignment could right -"I was doing nothing and suddenly she just says ""Why did you even live? Useless"" maybe I'm overreacting but this really hurt me. She took care of me since I was a kid because my mom was working overseas. I wish I was never born damn this world fuck everything",1,nothing suddenly say even live useless maybe overreacting really hurt took care since kid mom working overseas wish never born damn world fuck everything -"I just can feel it. I can't explain it, but I can feel it. I feel like this is my true self, and if it goes on, I'll lose it.",1,feel explain feel feel like true self go lose -"last year, when i was 14, I wrote a suicide note before attempting to suicide by overdose. - -I tried to commit suicide because i was a closeted gay atheist in a really conservative muslim country and family. I tried to pray the gay away, I endured listening to a lot of homophobia and unfair religious teachings and i couldn't take it anymore. - -I wrote it in Arabic : - -شعرت بأن الحياة لم تعد تطاق. بأنني اعيش في كذبة, شعرت كأنني قنبلة على وشك الانفجار في اي لحظة, شعرت بالوحدة على الرغم من اني لست وحدي, شعرت بان هناك خطأ في فكرة وجودي حتى, شعرت ان سعادتي تمثل خطيئة لا تغتفر و ان حقيقتي سر يجب ان يستتر. - -هذه الحياة كانت قاسية و غير عادلة, المكان الوحيد الذي ساجد فيه السلام هو قبري. - -translate : - -I felt like my life is unlivable, I felt like i was living a lie, i felt like a bomb that it is about to explode at any moment, I felt lonely even though i wasn't alone, I felt like there is something wrong with just my existence. I felt like my happiness will be an unforgivable sin, I felt like my truth is a secret that must be hidden. - -This life is cruel and unfair, the only place where i can find peace is my grave. - -&#x200B; - -The overdose was not enough to end my life, I woke up in a hospital and it severely damaged my liver, no one read my suicide note yet. - -I am trying to stay alive and hold on to the last hope i have",1,last year wrote suicide note attempting suicide overdose tried commit suicide closeted gay atheist really conservative muslim country family tried pray gay away endured listening lot homophobia unfair religious teaching take anymore wrote arabic translate felt like life unlivable felt like living lie felt like bomb explode moment felt lonely even though alone felt like something wrong existence felt like happiness unforgivable sin felt like truth secret must hidden life cruel unfair place find peace grave amp x 00b overdose enough end life woke hospital severely damaged liver one read suicide note yet trying stay alive hold last hope -"Too long to explain but Im having an episode rn and it feels horrible, 5 days in so far, it doesnt ever feel like itll go away. I guess I just need some reassurance that this fewling wont stay till I die, I just need to know that this feeling will go away soon and I can go back to being happy like I was before.",1,long explain im episode rn feel horrible day far doesnt ever feel like itll go away guess need reassurance fewling wont stay till die need know feeling go away soon go back happy like -"Pretty much everyone in my family has depression or bipolar and I'm no exception. - -I'm just so worried that it'll make things worse. I'm definitely moderate functioning. I can go to work and kinda be an ok parent. I'm not going to off myself even though I have the ideation sometimes. But I know life could be much better. I might be able to actually do the things I enjoy in my free time again. Maybe I won't have the constant brain fog and forgetfulness. - -But what if I end up just feeling numb. What if medication makes it worse. What if I go to a doctor and they won't help. I've never been to a legitimately helpful doctor. Looking up reviews doesn't help. - -Real talk, did medication actually help or make it worse? How did it work out for you?",1,pretty much everyone family depression bipolar exception worried make thing worse definitely moderate functioning go work kinda ok parent going even though ideation sometimes know life could much better might able actually thing enjoy free time maybe constant brain fog forgetfulness end feeling numb medication make worse go doctor help never legitimately helpful doctor looking review help real talk medication actually help make worse work -"I just found out my boyfriend is depressed, I really want to be there for him but I feel like I've only been saying the wrong things.. - -How can I be there for him.. help him and see him get better. -I'm worried it will continue to the point it will consume him I can already see his personality changing and I'm scared for the future. - -What things can I say or do to comfort or help..",1,found boyfriend depressed really want feel like saying wrong thing help see get better worried continue point consume already see personality changing scared future thing say comfort help -"I'm not sure of even how to put it into words. I'm exhausted. - -I've moved into my own place, I've recently started a new job. I'm overwhelmed. I don't want to die but I also feel like I don't want to exist. If that makes sense. I'm trying my best, but at this point I feel like my best isn't actually my best. I'm not sure how to fight these feelings of inadequacy, or how to fight off regret over things. I have acknowledged my mistakes I've made, and will never make them again, but somehow still manage to beat myself up and regret every mistake I've ever made. - -I hate feeling like this. Can I just not be tired for one day? Not be overwhelmed for a day?",1,sure even put word exhausted moved place recently started new job overwhelmed want die also feel like want exist make sense trying best point feel like best actually best sure fight feeling inadequacy fight regret thing acknowledged mistake made never make somehow still manage beat regret every mistake ever made hate feeling like tired one day overwhelmed day -"my depression has been at its worst this year after suffering some significant losses. I'm going to college in the fall and i want to look forward to it but i cant. I chose a state school so I wouldnt have debt and figured I'd find a way to pay for it easily. all my plans fell through and I only have a couple thousand in scholarships, nowhere near enough to cover it. I missed so many deadlines and screwed up so much because I have no one to help me in my life, no reliable adults or friends. -one of my best friends was awarded a full tuition scholarship and I want to be overjoyed for her, but i just feel so horrible about myself. I tried so hard in high school with my grades and music and it amounted to nothing. 7 thousands dollars in scholarships is all I have to show for it. I cant get any help from FAFSA and I have a job but working is horrible when I can barely get out of bed. how do I keep going when I have no one to support me, and nothing to keep going for",1,depression worst year suffering significant loss going college fall want look forward cant chose state school wouldnt debt figured find way pay easily plan fell couple thousand scholarship nowhere near enough cover missed many deadline screwed much one help life reliable adult friend one best friend awarded full tuition scholarship want overjoyed feel horrible tried hard high school grade music amounted nothing thousand dollar scholarship show cant get help fafsa job working horrible barely get bed keep going one support nothing keep going -"now i cant go work in the hospital and enjoy the little fucking things i do and learn there, an all the people i like talking to, and i gotta be stuck here for a week with a busted ankle who i dont even know if it will work properly again or not anymore - -either this year gets better or idk, but im just tired of every fucking bad this happening to me all the time - -i thought i was finally gonna have a job and a boyfriend and turns out the guy doesnt even like me and the managers never called me again - -at least i wish i had someone that loved me, he could come visit and we could talk all night long - -at this point, i really need some cuddles at least",1,cant go work hospital enjoy little fucking thing learn people like talking got ta stuck week busted ankle dont even know work properly anymore either year get better idk im tired every fucking bad happening time thought finally gon na job boyfriend turn guy doesnt even like manager never called least wish someone loved could come visit could talk night long point really need cuddle least -"Not overtly. I've never said the words ""good-bye"", obviously... But I've begun to try and have good final moments with the people I care about. - -Just to them one last time, make a nice meal for them, have a phone call with someone I haven't talked to in awhile, tell people I love them... just making the rounds so the people I leave behind have one last positive memory of me. - -Is it overly dramatic? Maybe... But I feel better about what I need to do at least.",1,overtly never said word good bye obviously begun try good final moment people care one last time make nice meal phone call someone talked awhile tell people love making round people leave behind one last positive memory overly dramatic maybe feel better need least -"Hi Idk if anyone will comment and thats okay. I just need to talk or something, since I'm just so tired of my thoughts and just this worthless feelings I have all the time. - -Dealing with depression is no joke and being in a small town sucks more, since theres not many resources or help for me. I've gotten a little help here and there but have just fallen back to being in my room isolating myself. I have suicidal thoughts quite often and worry I might act on them (not soon mind you just scared of myself.) - -I think of plans on how I could do it, I've written letters directed towards family members and friends before, though I keep them to myself. I've self harmed before but haven't for quite sometime, though I worry I may resort to that again. I really just want help but I have no idea how I can even get it. - -Anyhow, I thank anyone for reading if you did. I don't have a lot of hope left but I guess I'm still alive so yeah.",1,hi idk anyone comment thats okay need talk something since tired thought worthless feeling time dealing depression joke small town suck since there many resource help gotten little help fallen back room isolating suicidal thought quite often worry might act soon mind scared think plan could written letter directed towards family member friend though keep self harmed quite sometime though worry may resort really want help idea even get anyhow thank anyone reading lot hope left guess still alive yeah -"I know they have good intentions but lot of the time they make me feel worse. I don't like it when they ask too many questions when I withdraw, yet when I go to tell them my actual problems they indirectly tell me to get over it and don't think im depressed. - -Sometimes it seems like my mood is an inconvenience for them so they want me to be happy so they can be happy. It's draining. I'm tired of them being nosy when when I need to be alone. Stop asking me to who I'm talking to, stop asking me what I'm doing when I'm not doing anything, stop looking at my stuff and asking me questions, stop getting upset with me for being in a bad mood or trying to force me to be happy again. I can't. - -This is why I hate socializing with anyone in general. It takes up too much energy that I don't have and I'm tired of having to hide whatever this heaviness I'm feeling inside to make others happy. I'm tired of being the caretaker and human note pad to vent at all day. I'm tired of putting on a mask and pretending to be happy when I feel like garbage. - -I hate myself. I'm tired all the time. I feel like a failure and a waste of space. I just want to be alone. I don't want anyone to look at me.",1,know good intention lot time make feel worse like ask many question withdraw yet go tell actual problem indirectly tell get think im depressed sometimes seems like mood inconvenience want happy happy draining tired nosy need alone stop asking talking stop asking anything stop looking stuff asking question stop getting upset bad mood trying force happy hate socializing anyone general take much energy tired hide whatever heaviness feeling inside make others happy tired caretaker human note pad vent day tired putting mask pretending happy feel like garbage hate tired time feel like failure waste space want alone want anyone look -"I got a supporting family, a girlfriend who loves me more than anything else, I've got friends, I've got a job, I've got hobbies, I was born wealthy and had a very good education, I've tried meds for a long time, psychologists and psychiatrists, been to wards but im still just as sad now as i ever was. what am I meant to do? what's left? I still feel like shit all the time and don't have any reason to. there are so many justifiable reasons for people to be depressed but I have none of those, instead what's even scarier is the idea that this is just innate and always what's in me. people say suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem but in no way is this problem temporary and it doesn't seem fixable either",1,got supporting family girlfriend love anything else got friend got job got hobby born wealthy good education tried med long time psychologist psychiatrist ward im still sad ever meant left still feel like shit time reason many justifiable reason people depressed none instead even scarier idea innate always people say suicide permanent solution temporary problem way problem temporary seem fixable either -"I tried to tell my boyfriend, another family member and a few different friends how much I've been struggling and have been completely ignored. - - -I can guarantee if it all got too much for me they'd all be the first to ask, ""why didn't she tell us?"".",1,tried tell boyfriend another family member different friend much struggling completely ignored guarantee got much first ask tell u -"I’ve been on mirtazapine (30mg/daily) for over a month now and seroquel (50-75mg/daily) for just over two weeks. I can’t take it - I’ve been eating everything and making myself sick to my stomach, gained weight, have strange dreams, insomnia, foggy brain and increased suicidal thoughts and I’ve been more depressed than I ever have before. I understand that medication takes time to work, but it doesn’t feel like I have time. I have talked to my psychiatrist, family doctor and been to the hospital for an adjustment but to no avail. I couldn’t stick it out anymore so I went cold turkey on them both 2 days ago. I know that this is an incredibly stupid decision without the advising of a doctor but I can’t handle it anymore. I’m wondering, what should I expect for withdrawal symptoms?",1,mirtazapine 0mg daily month seroquel 0 mg daily two week take eating everything making sick stomach gained weight strange dream insomnia foggy brain increased suicidal thought depressed ever understand medication take time work feel like time talked psychiatrist family doctor hospital adjustment avail stick anymore went cold turkey day ago know incredibly stupid decision without advising doctor handle anymore wondering expect withdrawal symptom -"Hey Reddit this may be long and just me talking about random shit, but I just feel like it would make me feel better. So as you guys saw it was my 17th birthday today, and today was probably one of the shittier days I have. My best friend had a pretty bad panic attack today, and I chilled with him to comfort him, but it made me kinda realize how lonely I am. I have friends and a loving family but I just feel deep and dark loneliness. During most day I can kinda just ignore it and have mediocre days, but most days like today I just think about it. I don’t want to make it a big deal because my friend is going through some tuff shit right now and I need to help him as much as I can, but I just feel like laying down and doing nothing for a while. Obviously I can’t do that with all the homework and exams coming up but I just don’t know what to do. Like I was saying earlier, I just feel so empty when I’m by myself, and sometimes I feel like a have no personality, I feel like people only like being around me when I’m high, because I’m a lot more talkative and just more enjoyable to be around. I don’t know, it’s hard for me to talk to people about it because I feel like they might just blow it off or something and my friend deserves all the attention. I just feel bad that I’m feeling bad if that makes sense, like my friend is hurting and I feel bad that I feel so empty. I’m starting to think that life won’t have a lot to offer for me. I’m not suicidal or anything but I wouldn’t mind just like disappearing and just chilling on the top of a mountain or something like that. I’m sorry that this is so long I just feel really empty and it’s my birthday. I feel bad that I can’t be happy for my parents, I love them so much and I wish they knew how much I do, but I’m just feeling really exhausted all the time. I don’t know sorry if I selfish in this post I don’t mean to I just feel really empty when I can think clearly, almost like I built my personality around being with people. Thanks for listening whoever reads this it really means a lot to me.",1,hey reddit may long talking random shit feel like would make feel better guy saw th birthday today today probably one shittier day best friend pretty bad panic attack today chilled comfort made kinda realize lonely friend loving family feel deep dark loneliness day kinda ignore mediocre day day like today think want make big deal friend going tuff shit right need help much feel like laying nothing obviously homework exam coming know like saying earlier feel empty sometimes feel like personality feel like people like around high lot talkative enjoyable around know hard talk people feel like might blow something friend deserves attention feel bad feeling bad make sense like friend hurting feel bad feel empty starting think life lot offer suicidal anything mind like disappearing chilling top mountain something like sorry long feel really empty birthday feel bad happy parent love much wish knew much feeling really exhausted time know sorry selfish post mean feel really empty think clearly almost like built personality around people thanks listening whoever read really mean lot -Typical feeling at bedtime. This is as good as it gets. Struggling to remember a time when I looked forward to waking up.,1,typical feeling bedtime good get struggling remember time looked forward waking -" I return to work after a year of sitting at home with depression, in this year I had to have a prosthesis put in my shoulder. (I am 33 years old) Because of my past and depression, my relationships with my colleagues have diluted, I've said and done some bad things that I couldn't help myself, I was just exhausted. I realize that it is also difficult and strange for them but for me it is really difficult, I still have anxiety attacks daily. With two teenagers in the house, the stress is certainly not gone. Due to stress I lost my hearing on my right side, I got Meniere's disease because of it. I am sorry that there is no understanding for my situation. Now I had to have an ultrasound of my shoulder and it turns out that I have calcification. It will probably need surgery again, which I certainly don't like. This would be the 4th time... It's the first time I've posted something like this anywhere on the internet, I just had to write it off. I really don't feel accepted in this world, it's really difficult. Thanks for taking the time to read this!*📷*",1,return work year sitting home depression year prosthesis put shoulder year old past depression relationship colleague diluted said done bad thing help exhausted realize also difficult strange really difficult still anxiety attack daily two teenager house stress certainly gone due stress lost hearing right side got meniere disease sorry understanding situation ultrasound shoulder turn calcification probably need surgery certainly like would th time first time posted something like anywhere internet write really feel accepted world really difficult thanks taking time read -"I wish I could be attractive, taller, funnier, be everything women find attractive… instead I’m the complete opposite.. I’ve gotten more and more depressed last few months to the point where I start up depressing conversations so I started to stay away from people or stay silent with friends. I’m ugly and I’ll never be loved and that’s not something easy to carry on knowing full well. I’m 24 and never even come close to a relationship… I hope I die soon because I don’t want to be alive and alone like this",1,wish could attractive taller funnier everything woman find attractive instead complete opposite gotten depressed last month point start depressing conversation started stay away people stay silent friend ugly never loved something easy carry knowing full well never even come close relationship hope die soon want alive alone like -"Literally as im typing this im sat with my friends just feeling sorry for myself. I said i would do something with them as i wanted to but when i actually started talking to them, i felt like complete shit. I havent said a word in about 20 mins and its almost like theres just this weird dead air. 100% they can hear me typing this and know that its just me being quiet and not any other factor. I hate myself in the sense that i agreed to do this but i just feel like a dick for not inputting anything. they dont even really know that anything is going on because im too afraid to tell them too much so i just have this horrible feeling that they are starting to hate me and want to make me go away so they can actually enjoy themselves. I think the worst part is, is that i dont even blame them. im really just not fun to be around anymore as i dont find anything overly enjoyable anymore. - -I apologise if my punctuation or my spelling or whatever is off. I just felt like i really needed to say something",1,literally im typing im sat friend feeling sorry said would something wanted actually started talking felt like complete shit havent said word 0 min almost like there weird dead air 00 hear typing know quiet factor hate sense agreed feel like dick inputting anything dont even really know anything going im afraid tell much horrible feeling starting hate want make go away actually enjoy think worst part dont even blame im really fun around anymore dont find anything overly enjoyable anymore apologise punctuation spelling whatever felt like really needed say something -assuming you werent feeling better when you were taking them.,1,assuming werent feeling better taking -"So I was badly bullied as a kid until I left high school and that shit has screwed me up. I'm still dealing with ramifications as an adult,(it's a factor in my depression/ confidence issues) and I'm trying to process what happened to me in therapy. I was talking to my mother and I think what I went through was a lot worse than I initially thought. My mother was telling me a story of a kid beating me up really badly and I have 0 recollection of it. I think the bullying I went through as a kid was a lot worse than I thought. I think I suppressed a lot of the shit that happened to me as a kid and I'm kinda freaking out now. What else did I forget? Do I want to know everything that happened to me? Am I overreacting?",1,badly bullied kid left high school shit screwed still dealing ramification adult factor depression confidence issue trying process happened therapy talking mother think went lot worse initially thought mother telling story kid beating really badly 0 recollection think bullying went kid lot worse thought think suppressed lot shit happened kid kinda freaking else forget want know everything happened overreacting -"I feel like I'm having a panic attack, which I've had before, I'm all alone and normally that would be very bad, but this time is different. I think I might be disassociating or something because I'm restless like a panic attack and my heart is racing and my brain is off the rails but I'm also completely emotionless. I can't even make myself cry or smile or yell or anything. Anyone know what's happening? Any words of wisdom or love would be greatly appreciated because this is gonna be a long, scary night for me I think",1,feel like panic attack alone normally would bad time different think might disassociating something restless like panic attack heart racing brain rail also completely emotionless even make cry smile yell anything anyone know happening word wisdom love would greatly appreciated gon na long scary night think -"I already failed out of college once but I thought I might try again at a community college, well I'm about to fail out of this too and for some reason nothing in me cares. As a child I always kind of assumed my life would be in a great place at 22. How naïve since I've been miserable for as long as I can remember, why would life magically get any easier? I just recently pieced together that my earliest memory which I never really allowed myself to understand was my narcissistic mother attempting to drown me when I was about 4 years old. No wonder I'm so fucked up. I've been planning on killing myself before my 23rd birthday for the past 6 months or so, I suppose she'll get what she wanted all along.",1,already failed college thought might try community college well fail reason nothing care child always kind assumed life would great place na since miserable long remember would life magically get easier recently pieced together earliest memory never really allowed understand narcissistic mother attempting drown year old wonder fucked planning killing rd birthday past month suppose get wanted along -"My life was so promising and happy once, that one thing left and I feel like I’ll never get my innocence back. I’ve been on a constant stat of high alert and now I’m burnt out. I have no motivation heavily fatigued no matter how much sleep I get. Nothing seems worth it anymore.",1,life promising happy one thing left feel like never get innocence back constant stat high alert burnt motivation heavily fatigued matter much sleep get nothing seems worth anymore -"Growing up with an absent father and a mother who’s always attempted suicide (became a normal thing) and always used suicide as manipulation/threat.. A mother who’s always been depressed and always has had it worse than the rest of the world, I learned to despise anybody that plays the victim for long periods of time or cries all the time. Not even going to address the physical abuse part. - -I live accros the ocean from her and we barely even talk. I never miss her and I feel like I’m sick in the head because of that. She destroyed our family. All of her kids, including me, came out pretty fucked up. We (mom and siblings) don’t talk to each other and it messed me up pretty badly. I mourned, grieved and have become numb. This happened over the pandemic and since I came out. - -I’m currently engaged and have a hard time expressing how bad my depression is to my partner. I do talk about it but not about how severe it is. I think about ending my life on a daily basis. I attempted S in the past and regretted it once at the hospital. I don’t want to do it but the urge gets overwhelming sometimes. I hate that I’m like this, especially because of the impact my mom had on me growing up. I feel like it would be so easy to just leave.. I feel so unhappy in my life.. I try my best to feel alive but nothing feels good. Most days I don’t even want to wake up. I have to act normal. It’s exhausting!!!!! - -I can’t stand my partner’s sister/niece and the anxiety I get every time I have to see them or talk to them or even when I hear their voice. They always wanted me out of the picture from the get go because they loved her ex. Never gave me a genuine chance. It’s all acting and pretending in front of her and she is aware of it. - -My relationship has been rocky but we have a deep bond that keeps us together. I have hope we will get that connection back but for now it’s mediocre. Hoping therapy will help. - -I don’t enjoy anything in life and I really want to end it.. I won’t but I really really want to. I feel tired from my soul. - -Thanks for listening.",1,growing absent father mother always attempted suicide became normal thing always used suicide manipulation threat mother always depressed always worse rest world learned despise anybody play victim long period time cry time even going address physical abuse part live accros ocean barely even talk never miss feel like sick head destroyed family kid including came pretty fucked mom sibling talk messed pretty badly mourned grieved become numb happened pandemic since came currently engaged hard time expressing bad depression partner talk severe think ending life daily basis attempted past regretted hospital want urge get overwhelming sometimes hate like especially impact mom growing feel like would easy leave feel unhappy life try best feel alive nothing feel good day even want wake act normal exhausting stand partner sister niece anxiety get every time see talk even hear voice always wanted picture get go loved ex never gave genuine chance acting pretending front aware relationship rocky deep bond keep u together hope get connection back mediocre hoping therapy help enjoy anything life really want end really really want feel tired soul thanks listening -"I feel like something is broken in me. I do not function as well as others. Getting up, going to work, doing my online school. All of it is exhausting. I cut corners everywhere I can but I’m also obsessed with making sure the corners I cut “look good on paper.” I don’t actually want to do anything, ever. I could sit at home all day everyday and do nothing. I say I have dreams but every time I get some pushback I give up. I give myself a pat on the back for doing the shit I’m supposed to. It makes me feel broken and wrong. How do people learn the discipline to just get up and do what they’re supposed to do everyday? How do they just keep going? What am I missing?",1,feel like something broken function well others getting going work online school exhausting cut corner everywhere also obsessed making sure corner cut look good paper actually want anything ever could sit home day everyday nothing say dream every time get pushback give give pat back shit supposed make feel broken wrong people learn discipline get supposed everyday keep going missing -"I think I’m happy. I’ve just went through a couple of months of sad dark feelings and thought. Best way I can explain it is a painful emptiness inside of me mentally. For most of my life I’ve always remember going through these phases. It never a on or off switch it just kinda slowly engulf me. One day I feel a little bit sad and it starts this snowball effect. After a couple of months of the constant painful emotionless feeling I keep getting the same thought of just ending myself. - -But today I think I’m happy. It weird to explain but life seems a bit more vibrant. Music is touching me emotionally to the point I want to sing. I hope today is the start of my happy phase. And I really hope it last just as long. I’m so desperate to feel something again.",1,think happy went couple month sad dark feeling thought best way explain painful emptiness inside mentally life always remember going phase never switch kinda slowly engulf one day feel little bit sad start snowball effect couple month constant painful emotionless feeling keep getting thought ending today think happy weird explain life seems bit vibrant music touching emotionally point want sing hope today start happy phase really hope last long desperate feel something -"I’ve recently been planning out my suicide. I probably sound like an attention seeker but I feel really terrible right now. I can’t get therapy and I have no where else to turn to. - -I was planning on attempting on the 31st of March. Right after my birthday. I’m so young, life’s barley started for me. - -I can’t handle the stress. My parents don’t believe there’s anything wrong with me and they think therapist are corrupt people. All i can do is cry and hope things turn around for me. - -I live in an average neighborhood, middle class but just barley. All my parents ever do is complain about money. And recently my moms threatening to divorce my dad. Meaning I’ll have to go live alone with my mother who’s an alcoholic. - -I don’t want to die, but i also don’t want to live. It feels like this is my only option to finally be happy.",1,recently planning suicide probably sound like attention seeker feel really terrible right get therapy else turn planning attempting st march right birthday young life barley started handle stress parent believe anything wrong think therapist corrupt people cry hope thing turn around live average neighborhood middle class barley parent ever complain money recently mom threatening divorce dad meaning go live alone mother alcoholic want die also want live feel like option finally happy -"So... Here we go. - -I am very lonely. I tried talking to a lot of people. I just can't. - -I leave everything I want. I have no idea why. I just tend to leave everything and everyone I love. - -My mind is fucked. I just sit and overthink for 5 hours in one sitting. - -CANT SOMEONE KILL ME ALREADY. I AM JUST A BURDEN TO EVERYONE IN EXISTENCE. I WANT TO DIE.. PLEASEE 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭FOR GODS SAKE 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭SOMEONE KILL MEEEE😭😭😭😭😭 - -AT LEAST I WONT BE A DISAPPOINTMENT. - -I TRIED MY BEST. I AM DONE. I CANT ANYMORE. I DIDNT WANT TO ADMIT TO IT, BUT YES. I AM READY TO DIE NOW. I WILL HAVE A TON OF REGRETS, BUT ITS ALRIGHT. - -PLEASE. KILL ME. HELP!",1,go lonely tried talking lot people leave everything want idea tend leave everything everyone love mind fucked sit overthink hour one sitting cant someone kill already burden everyone existence want die pleasee god sake someone kill meeee least wont disappointment tried best done cant anymore didnt want admit yes ready die ton regret alright please kill help -"I have an awful living situation thanks to college where I live in one half of the country for part of the year and then I move back across the whole fucking country for the next. Fucking awful. I don’t have any friends, I don’t have any passion, everything I do is “well I can’t do this now because I’ll be cutting it short by leaving in the summer, and…” - -I’m running out of time to do anything. Meet people. Get a job. Get a fucking treatment. I tried doing therapy and I scheduled one week late because there’s no fucking spots available, and that’s one less therapy thing I can go to because I only have two or three months left before I have to drop everything and leave, again. I don’t know why I did this. I wish I wasn’t here. Life’s just a dead fucking end and I’m going to be doing this forever. - -I’ve missed out on so much and it just never gets better. I thought things would get better by doing this, but I was fucking stupid as hell. I’m going to be permanently stuck like this because I haven’t done shit with my life so far and I’m never going to recover from 21 years of just nothing, nothing, nothing. No milestones. No friendships. I barely know how to function, I barely know how to talk to people, I can’t even hide behind COVID as an excuse because this is just what I’ve been doing my whole life. It’s a waste of fucking time. Nothing.",1,awful living situation thanks college live one half country part year move back across whole fucking country next fucking awful friend passion everything well cutting short leaving summer running time anything meet people get job get fucking treatment tried therapy scheduled one week late fucking spot available one le therapy thing go two three month left drop everything leave know wish life dead fucking end going forever missed much never get better thought thing would get better fucking stupid hell going permanently stuck like done shit life far never going recover year nothing nothing nothing milestone friendship barely know function barely know talk people even hide behind covid excuse whole life waste fucking time nothing -"I haven’t thought about killing myself since 2018. Yet, here we are today 4 years later, getting closer to 30 and I’m in the bathroom of my workplace and the only thing I can think of is slicing my wrists when I get home. I haven’t slept in 30 hours and I’m seriously considering drinking my pain away. Maybe I’ll puke in my sleep and get done with it. I don’t care if anyone will cry for me. Probably will. But I’m in pain so much pain guys",1,thought killing since 0 yet today year later getting closer 0 bathroom workplace thing think slicing wrist get home slept 0 hour seriously considering drinking pain away maybe puke sleep get done care anyone cry probably pain much pain guy -"With applying to colleges. I’m currently a spring admin freshman college student, and I’d like to transfer. Specifically, I want to transfer to college out of state. I know this doesn’t seem like the sub to just ask random people for help with this kind of thing, but I just find it so hard to get myself to do so. It’s just so hard, and I don’t have anyone to turn to. There’s sooo much to take into account, it’s extremely overwhelming. I just need some kind of tip or encouragement. I literally have no friends or adults to talk to about this, or help guide me.",1,applying college currently spring admin freshman college student like transfer specifically want transfer college state know seem like sub ask random people help kind thing find hard get hard anyone turn sooo much take account extremely overwhelming need kind tip encouragement literally friend adult talk help guide -"I've been sad for a couple of years now. This is because of my height. I am already 19 years old (M), but I am stuck at 5'1. I feel like I am not a man, because of this. Hence, why I am extremely sad and developed body dysmorphia. Is this reason of mine, just? or am I overreacting? 😅",1,sad couple year height already 9 year old stuck feel like man hence extremely sad developed body dysmorphia reason mine overreacting -"If it adds any kind of info 17 (M) almost 18. - -The thing is that Ive always felt down/kind of bad, obsessed over a lot of stuff over time, mainly school and once my grade obsession wore down started getting obsessions nonstop, this led to me having high anxiety (even higher than before) and eventually not recognizing myself in the mirror, that and another bunch of stuff later I finally got into therapy and a psychiatrist, they gave me sertraline for the OCD-like symptoms and intrusivity on my thoughts (I have intrusive thoughts but those were way more maneagable than these) so it worked great, everything was going fine and better everyday, didnt stop getting better, I had an episode of hipo-mania caused by the sertraline I suppose, so after going back to half the pill (so 25mg now) and a new psychiatrist (my main one was sick), he told me thats what the episode was called, and recommended I get new medicine as people with bipolar disorder get that kind of stuff, Ive literally got no clue of what to do, do I get tested for bipolar and get new medicine? Do I stick with sertraline as it solved my main issue? Bipolar somewhat makes sense to me but I literally dont know what to do about it. - -Please forgive any grammar mistake as english isnt my main language.",1,add kind info almost thing ive always felt kind bad obsessed lot stuff time mainly school grade obsession wore started getting obsession nonstop led high anxiety even higher eventually recognizing mirror another bunch stuff later finally got therapy psychiatrist gave sertraline ocd like symptom intrusivity thought intrusive thought way maneagable worked great everything going fine better everyday didnt stop getting better episode hipo mania caused sertraline suppose going back half pill mg new psychiatrist main one sick told thats episode called recommended get new medicine people bipolar disorder get kind stuff ive literally got clue get tested bipolar get new medicine stick sertraline solved main issue bipolar somewhat make sense literally dont know please forgive grammar mistake english isnt main language -"Hi. Update two. I definitely go through a lot of mood swings throughout my days. Sometimes I feel pretty good but sometimes I feel very lonely and isolated. It doesn’t help that I’m extremely insecure about my appearance right now and I don’t even want to go out to social situations because I stress about how terrible I look. I just want to look good. I’ve been trying very hard. I’ve been keeping to a strict skin care regimen, I nearly cut carbs out of my diet in hopes it’ll help my acne, and I eat like 2000 calories a day so I can be shredded. It’s a little rough honestly, I’m a 6’4 male so that’s not a lot of calories to work with. I guess at least it gets me cooking because I can’t afford to waste any calories. I’ve gone from about 193 to about 183 in like a month though. I workout almost every day and I go very hard for over an hour. Non stop exercises. I feel lonely a lot, I want to talk to girls very badly but I don’t have the confidence in my appearance to bother. I know I’m ugly so it’s not like I’ll be able to go anywhere with them. Im trying to change it though. I just wish I had clear skin. Honestly, that would erase 75% of my problems. Anyways. I’m doing okay I guess. Not really satisfied with my life or all that happy but my thoughts have stayed away from certain subjects for a few days now. I guess I’d call that an improvement. Peace out, much love and good luck to everyone.",1,hi update two definitely go lot mood swing throughout day sometimes feel pretty good sometimes feel lonely isolated help extremely insecure appearance right even want go social situation stress terrible look want look good trying hard keeping strict skin care regimen nearly cut carbs diet hope help acne eat like 000 calorie day shredded little rough honestly male lot calorie work guess least get cooking afford waste calorie gone 9 like month though workout almost every day go hard hour non stop exercise feel lonely lot want talk girl badly confidence appearance bother know ugly like able go anywhere im trying change though wish clear skin honestly would erase problem anyways okay guess really satisfied life happy thought stayed away certain subject day guess call improvement peace much love good luck everyone -"First off, anyone looking to ""help"" can FUCK OFF. I HAVE NO INTEREST IN YOUR POINTLESS RECYCLED COMMENTS, THEY ARE FALLING UPON DEAF EARS. - -I AM ONLY LOOKING FOR GENUINE ADVICE ON HOW TO ACHIEVE A VEGETATIVE DEPRESSIVE STATE AS I AM UNABLE TO FIND A SATISFACTORY METHOD OF SUICIDE. - -to people offering advice on such a thing, how do you do it? I suffer from OCD as well so its hard for me to have an inactive mind. What I want is to become the traditional view of completely apathetic, listless depression. -I am sick of trying to combat it and constantly failing so am now simply seeking to find a way to give up upon fighting. - -Edit: to whatever arsehole reported me to the stupid resource bot, I blocked it for your information",1,first anyone looking help fuck interest pointless recycled comment falling upon deaf ear looking genuine advice achieve vegetative depressive state unable find satisfactory method suicide people offering advice thing suffer ocd well hard inactive mind want become traditional view completely apathetic listless depression sick trying combat constantly failing simply seeking find way give upon fighting edit whatever arsehole reported stupid resource bot blocked information -"Due to a bunch of reasons I was never close to my mothers side of the family, there were some cousins and great-uncles I saw a lot briefly as a kid. One recently chatted with mother through Facebook and mentioned how he loved coming to our house back in those days. He actually got married a few years ago, but I didn’t went. - -I feel like depression, social anxiety and being a closeted trans person denied me all the relationships normal people have. It doesn’t help that my mother had her reasons to not make an effort to be close to some of those relatives, but I keep thinking that they became strangers to me, even my great grandfather who I must have seen him once before he passed after my mother distanced ourselves from the rest of the family. I keep thinking that all of it could be different, I didn’t had to be so lonely. And even if some of them are terrible people, I could still be close to the good ones, like the cousin who chatted with my mother, if so weren’t like this. - -Another cousin is getting married next month, my great-uncle came to our house to bring the invitations and wants me to come as well. I keep thinking what the hell am I even going to say to all these people I haven’t seen since I was a kid? It was normal to be a shy child and not to speak to them, but now at 26 they will think I have development issues. - -And what would I talk about with them? After graduating college 5 years ago I did nothing with my life, I just wasted my youth by hiding at home. I don’t think most of them give a shit about me, but I bet at least some would be curious what I have been up to. “Oh I got to sleep at 5am and wake up at noon everyday, after which I proceed to do nothing but waste away in front of a computer screen. I’m so depressed and I’m so fixated on this fear of time passing that I literally do nothing but that. What about you?”. I guess I would do what my parents do, and just lie and say I do freelance work. My father already told me how embarrassed he is when people ask him what I’m doing, and that’s the lie he uses. - -I have a cousin almost my age in the other side of the family, which I also dread about the idea of meeting him again. We were close during summers as children, but I remember our last summers together when we were 15, as I started to develop depression and it was really awkward, it was like we became strangers and would barely speak. I would feel so ashamed to see him now, he is normal, he has friends, he does what he wants, he’s independent, he’s talkative, he’s normal. He’s everything I am not. - -I just want to be fucking normal. I wish I could restart my life, but this time without depression, social anxiety and being trans. I feel like I won’t survive this year, but I wish I could have lived a little before I go.",1,due bunch reason never close mother side family cousin great uncle saw lot briefly kid one recently chatted mother facebook mentioned loved coming house back day actually got married year ago went feel like depression social anxiety closeted trans person denied relationship normal people help mother reason make effort close relative keep thinking became stranger even great grandfather must seen passed mother distanced rest family keep thinking could different lonely even terrible people could still close good one like cousin chatted mother like another cousin getting married next month great uncle came house bring invitation want come well keep thinking hell even going say people seen since kid normal shy child speak think development issue would talk graduating college year ago nothing life wasted youth hiding home think give shit bet least would curious oh got sleep wake noon everyday proceed nothing waste away front computer screen depressed fixated fear time passing literally nothing guess would parent lie say freelance work father already told embarrassed people ask lie us cousin almost age side family also dread idea meeting close summer child remember last summer together started develop depression really awkward like became stranger would barely speak would feel ashamed see normal friend want independent talkative normal everything want fucking normal wish could restart life time without depression social anxiety trans feel like survive year wish could lived little go -"I'm not sure what I want anymore out of my life. It all has seemed to just blend into one recently and everything that I reach out to to find a sense of drive/encouragement seems to be so far away. It all feels like I'm wandering about looking for something, anything, to give me a sense of meaning anymore but it just feels like I'm just going in circles. I just feel lonely at this point.",1,sure want anymore life seemed blend one recently everything reach find sense drive encouragement seems far away feel like wandering looking something anything give sense meaning anymore feel like going circle feel lonely point -"I wish people didnt give up on me so quickly because of how shy i am. I wish they didnt view me as cold or mean because i never knew what to say so i just kept to myself. I wish people didnt call me weird because i find it difficult to make eye contact. I wish i didnt have to mask myself and pretend to be someone im not for the sake of fitting in. - -I wish when my brother returned home from the military after 5 years i had remembered how to properly communicate with him. We seem like strangers now. I wish i had been able to make friends. Even 1 friend. I wish i were able to get a girlfriend. Whats the meaning of life if you can’t spend your time with someone you love? - -I wish i didnt have autism. I feel so isolated. I feel so alone. Worst of all, i know there is absolutely nothing i can do about it. There are no pills for autism, only mediocre therapy sessions to remind you of how different you are from those around you. - -I cant do this anymore. Living like this is hell.",1,wish people didnt give quickly shy wish didnt view cold mean never knew say kept wish people didnt call weird find difficult make eye contact wish didnt mask pretend someone im sake fitting wish brother returned home military year remembered properly communicate seem like stranger wish able make friend even friend wish able get girlfriend whats meaning life spend time someone love wish didnt autism feel isolated feel alone worst know absolutely nothing pill autism mediocre therapy session remind different around cant anymore living like hell -"Well, that’s where all the traumatic shit happened so yeah, I dwell on it. Like I haven’t had to hear other people bitch about their childhood and then watch them be shitty adults. So sorry I can’t move on from years of neglect. Go fuck yourself.",1,well traumatic shit happened yeah dwell like hear people bitch childhood watch shitty adult sorry move year neglect go fuck -"Dutifully working a job that doesn't care about my humanity. Training people to replace me. - -Dutifully caring for a pet that makes my mental health worse. Training them as I stress cry. - -Dutifully filling out taxes for my dead parents. Emailing lawyers because my siblings won't fulfill their legal obligations. - -Dutifully attending counseling with my spouse. Actively listening to being told my wants and needs are wrong. - -Dutifully laying in bed quietly so as not do disturb anyone else. Staring at the ceiling through insomnia and intrusive thoughts. - -Understanding that I don't exist. I am just a tool for everyone else. This is my duty.",1,dutifully working job care humanity training people replace dutifully caring pet make mental health worse training stress cry dutifully filling tax dead parent emailing lawyer sibling fulfill legal obligation dutifully attending counseling spouse actively listening told want need wrong dutifully laying bed quietly disturb anyone else staring ceiling insomnia intrusive thought understanding exist tool everyone else duty -"I’ve been trying to walk forward despite everything. But I feel like I’m out of options and got no help. So I’m here trying to figure out if my situation is as bad as it seems to me… - -I am a classical musician, not from the US, trained in a conservatory since I was a child and over the years got to play and perform wonderful music in different countries, and finished two master’s degrees in the US. I graduated the last one just as the pandemic started and eventually married my US citizen boyfriend. The application for a green card is gonna take a few months (at least six) so I have no access to health insurance or Medicaid or really anything that isn’t out of pocket and super expensive. I haven’t had a single job or real performance in two years and my playing has declined over this time, which makes it even harder to find a job in the future when I get the green card. Not that there are any opportunities around me anyway, nobody seems to care about classical music. - -Im feeling like i spent so many years and made so many sacrifices (my childhood and teenage years and friends, for example) just to be able to play music that nobody wants to hear. I know I could play arrangements of popular songs but that just makes me wanna cry, All the hard work feels so wasted on that and it brings me no joy to play music i don’t like. - -On top of this, I have no support network apart from my husband, who is super busy working for both of us and can’t be the only one in my support network. Which I understand. I have no car and live in an area with zero public transportation, so I have been all winter stuck in the basement we have been living in. It doesn’t even have windows, so no sunlight. I do try to spend time outside every time it’s not freezing but I’m increasingly lonely and spiraling down more every day about everything. I have terrible social skills (autism) so I don’t even know how to make friends. But I literally haven’t seen anyone my age in the neighborhood- or really anyone approachable at all… I need help but I don’t know how to find it…",1,trying walk forward despite everything feel like option got help trying figure situation bad seems classical musician u trained conservatory since child year got play perform wonderful music different country finished two master degree u graduated last one pandemic started eventually married u citizen boyfriend application green card gon na take month least six access health insurance medicaid really anything pocket super expensive single job real performance two year playing declined time make even harder find job future get green card opportunity around anyway nobody seems care classical music im feeling like spent many year made many sacrifice childhood teenage year friend example able play music nobody want hear know could play arrangement popular song make wan na cry hard work feel wasted brings joy play music like top support network apart husband super busy working u one support network understand car live area zero public transportation winter stuck basement living even window sunlight try spend time outside every time freezing increasingly lonely spiraling every day everything terrible social skill autism even know make friend literally seen anyone age neighborhood really anyone approachable need help know find -"Recently i have been having a tough time dealing with my lack of motivation. is really hard to care about anything, specially when i always feel like im being forced to do anything, even things that i like to do. its like im being constanly dragged through life. - -How do you guys deal with extreme apathy and lack of motivation when you dont really have any interest in existing",1,recently tough time dealing lack motivation really hard care anything specially always feel like im forced anything even thing like like im constanly dragged life guy deal extreme apathy lack motivation dont really interest existing -"Ha. Oh god I don't know why I'm laughing so much. I think if I could feel anything I would be scared. I'm laughing and I'm crying I don't know what to do. I think my friend is suicidal. Scrap that. I know they are. And the problem is I'm kind of suicidal too. - - -I see no point in life, but I've become sort of stuck in a rut of repressed emotions for a while. I feel nothing, so I have no desire to do anything, let alone to kill myself. But I'm worried they do. They said they would see me tomorrow, so I don't think they're going to do it tonight. They said they want to, but they see no point, because they always fail. - - -I don't know what to do. I cant ask for help for them because I promised confidentiality, and I know the pain of that trust being broken. I can't do that to them. That is not an option. I know they're safe for tonight. The only problem is I don't know how to make them feel better. Or if I can. I'm terrible at comforting people at the best of times, and now, I'm half asleep and I think I'm a little triggered. - -( for context My dad used to always tell me he was going to kill himself if I left him, and he would detail how worthless he was and ways he would kill himself and sometimes he would SH and almost attempt in front of me, as well as me being suicidal myself on multiple occasions, so it's a touchy subject) - -I don't need people telling me to call the police or tell anyone else. I need advice on how to make them feel better. I can't bear the thought of one of my friends feeling how I feel, or rather how I've felt. It's fucking torture, and they do not deserve that shit. They said they can't talk because they feel like an attention seeker, and I tried to reassure them but I'm crap at it. Please I'm begging you, give me some advice, something I can do to make them feel better. The thought of them in pain is agonising. They don't deserve that. I just need some ideas on what to do. What to say. Please. I want to help them with their depression but I can't even help myself. I don't know how to help. - - -I'm sorry if this is the wrong place. I've already posted this on suicide watch, but I need as much advice as possible. I've tried thinking about what I would of liked people to do when I was actively trying to take my life, but all I really wanted was to be left alone to die, and I felt guilty as hell when I talked to anyone about it and wanted to forget about it. So I have no clue on how to make them feel better. I'm sorry.",1,ha oh god know laughing much think could feel anything would scared laughing cry know think friend suicidal scrap know problem kind suicidal see point life become sort stuck rut repressed emotion feel nothing desire anything let alone kill worried said would see tomorrow think going tonight said want see point always fail know cant ask help promised confidentiality know pain trust broken option know safe tonight problem know make feel better terrible comforting people best time half asleep think little triggered context dad used always tell going kill left would detail worthless way would kill sometimes would sh almost attempt front well suicidal multiple occasion touchy subject need people telling call police tell anyone else need advice make feel better bear thought one friend feeling feel rather felt fucking torture deserve shit said talk feel like attention seeker tried reassure crap please begging give advice something make feel better thought pain agonising deserve need idea say please want help depression even help know help sorry wrong place already posted suicide watch need much advice possible tried thinking would liked people actively trying take life really wanted left alone die felt guilty hell talked anyone wanted forget clue make feel better sorry -"My bf is in a depressive episode atm. -I’m still learning and would like to know more about depression. -While in an depressive episode, is every day the same for you? Do you have good days in between? Coming out of depression, do you feel much better from one day to the next? Or is it a slow process with back steps too? -Sorry for all the questions. Just want to understand better what my bf is going through.",1,bf depressive episode atm still learning would like know depression depressive episode every day good day coming depression feel much better one day next slow process back step sorry question want understand better bf going -"I can hear the difference voices in my head, I talk with my girlfriend all nights, but when she's sleeping, I can hear the voices sometimes, or my head creates an illusion or paranoid, I don't have an idea about happen with me.",1,hear difference voice head talk girlfriend night sleeping hear voice sometimes head creates illusion paranoid idea happen -"I’m 20 about to 21, spend most of my life try to meet s end got out of high school and did one semester of college feel like a burden to those around me. I alway felt depressed, always putting on a happy mask so I would have to make those around me worry. Went to the army for 6 months thought it might change . The first 3 was fun and happy but last 3 was hell felt depressed again. Got came home a try to start over watch anime which felt like it was a cure for depression. I just wanted to share this",1,0 spend life try meet end got high school one semester college feel like burden around alway felt depressed always putting happy mask would make around worry went army month thought might change first fun happy last hell felt depressed got came home try start watch anime felt like cure depression wanted share -I like not caring about anything. I’m at work all day just going through the motions. The long hours and annoying customers don’t phase me because I’m not even all there mentally/emotionally. Failing uni doesn’t phase me because..eh. I have to be numb because if not I’ll just constantly feel unbearable emotional and physical pain. I have to swallow every bit of emotion so I don’t completely fall apart.,1,like caring anything work day going motion long hour annoying customer phase even mentally emotionally failing uni phase eh numb constantly feel unbearable emotional physical pain swallow every bit emotion completely fall apart -.,1, -"I'm pretty sure she has depression , I'm a good listener and don't judge, I know how hard it is from reading alot of posts in this sub. I want to help her and I'm genuinely concerned about her, how can I do this?",1,pretty sure depression good listener judge know hard reading alot post sub want help genuinely concerned -"My family are all ""logical"" people who like to ""study"" and read lots of books. The things they study and read are about politics, philosophy, economics - all that fun stuff. Since this is their favourite way to absorb information I was wondering if there were any book suggestions out there to sort of educate my family? They are open to it. Thanks in advanced. :)",1,family logical people like study read lot book thing study read politics philosophy economics fun stuff since favourite way absorb information wondering book suggestion sort educate family open thanks advanced -"I am a Male within the armed forces and never really got the chance to speak my mind about a lot of things. I was always told by everyone thats Males shouldn't cry or even show a slight a bit of sadness or else it would redeem them weak. A little bit if background. - -Before the Military I was a person that would always have friends along with people I thought they would appreciate who I am. Later on bad luck started to come around or at least I thought it was bad luck to this day I do not have any ideas why things happen around me or people I love. It seemed like every week or month or so I would go to a funeral that was among all my friends I made. Accidents, suicides, cancer or even by natural causes. So far I been to 24 funerals at this point and not able to cry or shed a tear. It seems like whenever I try to show an emotion to what has happened it never does, then people look at me like a monster and think I am a psycho or a robot. In reality I am lost in the void of either to try to keep or make more friends. - -Eventually I got to enlisting into the military to serve or find a purpose in life and eventually found myself in a deeper hole. I remember I had a platoon size or so group of buddies I drank and had fun with a brotherhood many would call it, A home away from home. That did not really last long, one by one they killed themselves due to various amounts of situations either it be from a divorce or just pure depression that dragged them to the ground. Despite all these things I came to the conclusion that I always will think I am a robot or even a ghost that senses nothing but just what goes on, Non human to the point where at one point I saw them paint their brains on the wall as I walked in to give them a well needed drink. My reaction was nothing and to just calmly report it to the MPs on base. (I am sorry Elijah) - -Currently in the service still have about two years left. My wife at home with the dog, I do feel love for both of them. But for me? Not at all, I feel guilt in the fact of it all happening, like I am the bad luck charm, I been seeing what seems like people that I used to speak to and where alive around me at times. My old friends that could have been around but aren't. I am not much of a paranormal type person but I feel them watching me or even expecting me to join them at some point, a heavy weight on my shoulders if you will. I can't lose myself in thought or else they are everywhere so I keep it to myself and ruck on, But believe me the demons have learned how to swim after I tried drowning them with drinking, I keep going in life but what purpose what it be if I keep losing those I love? - -Whoever reads this, Thank you. To my wife as well, I love you and our dog despite my dark situation. I don't want my demons to win but they try every night, who knows if I will ever wake up to see something bright again.",1,male within armed force never really got chance speak mind lot thing always told everyone thats male cry even show slight bit sadness else would redeem weak little bit background military person would always friend along people thought would appreciate later bad luck started come around least thought bad luck day idea thing happen around people love seemed like every week month would go funeral among friend made accident suicide cancer even natural cause far funeral point able cry shed tear seems like whenever try show emotion happened never people look like monster think psycho robot reality lost void either try keep make friend eventually got enlisting military serve find purpose life eventually found deeper hole remember platoon size group buddy drank fun brotherhood many would call home away home really last long one one killed due various amount situation either divorce pure depression dragged ground despite thing came conclusion always think robot even ghost sens nothing go non human point one point saw paint brain wall walked give well needed drink reaction nothing calmly report mp base sorry elijah currently service still two year left wife home dog feel love feel guilt fact happening like bad luck charm seeing seems like people used speak alive around time old friend could around much paranormal type person feel watching even expecting join point heavy weight shoulder lose thought else everywhere keep ruck believe demon learned swim tried drowning drinking keep going life purpose keep losing love whoever read thank wife well love dog despite dark situation want demon win try every night know ever wake see something bright -"*Throwaway acct. Never really post so excuse formatting or content.* - -I have hit the point now where I am really wondering what the point of it all is. I'm very tired, I feel like I've been running forever. My medical bills are continuing to pile up. I haven't been working because of my medical issues so money has become my biggest 'real life' issue. My relationships with family and friends are deteriorating so quickly I don't even know how to stop it. My education proved to be the biggest waste of time. My work skills are so unremarkable that I cant get anything more than a warehouse job. I'm a complete definition of a loser. I feel like my life is spiraling out of control. It feels like it's all my fault and I know it is. I just don't know how to fix anything. And these random events keep happening to me that make me question if maybe it is just some cosmic entity screwing with me because every time I tried to do something for someone else or tried just taking actions to do better somehow it ended up in failure. - -I tried getting a new job and I unfortunately my medical problems hit, causing me to lose that new job just a month after getting it. Prior to that I took a ""better"" job offer only to get hit with even worse working conditions for an additional $1.50, hence me leaving to try to get a new job. Or how about the two times I went Christmas shopping for my family, I had to replace two tires on my car. One each time I went out I mysteriously got a flat tire that went unnoticed both times, resulting in me having to buy new ones because the sidewalls were screwed. Or my favorite one, I decided to take a trip to another state on a whim one weekend for a concert. At that time I had felt that I was at the lowest I could get so I said screw it and decided to go. I decided to go out the night before to check out the city, and found a local band playing a bar. I ordered a beer and the next thing I remember is waking up in a hospital. They proceeded to then let me just leave the hospital and I wandered the city with a dead phone for a few hours looking for my car to go home. I got a lot of nice thoughts from family and friends initially but then the jokey, ""So you didn't get raped did you?"" and then just laughing it off, most likely because I'm a male. I honestly don't know if I did, I remember nothing, and I would rather it just stay that way. - -Everything I do in my life seems to result in the worst possible outcome. Whether it's my fault noticeably or whether I want to blame the void for all my problems. The outcome is still the same and my pile of problems doesn't change. I Just want to do right but I can't seem to do that. I want to give up completely. Every time I think things can't get worse they do. - -This isn't a final post or anything like that. I just want to scream. Everyone looks and talks to me like I'm some stooge and maybe I am but damnit I just want people to care. I'm trying but failing at every corner so I am at the point now where I don't do anything. I've sat unemployed with a friend as my flatmate for a bit now and I get the sense he doesn't believe my medical issues and I sense this relationship has also lost its end. I'm so lost. I don't know where to go from here. - -Hang in there everyone. I'm sure it gets better sometime, just maybe not soon.",1,throwaway acct never really post excuse formatting content hit point really wondering point tired feel like running forever medical bill continuing pile working medical issue money become biggest real life issue relationship family friend deteriorating quickly even know stop education proved biggest waste time work skill unremarkable cant get anything warehouse job complete definition loser feel like life spiraling control feel like fault know know fix anything random event keep happening make question maybe cosmic entity screwing every time tried something someone else tried taking action better somehow ended failure tried getting new job unfortunately medical problem hit causing lose new job month getting prior took better job offer get hit even worse working condition additional 0 hence leaving try get new job two time went christmas shopping family replace two tire car one time went mysteriously got flat tire went unnoticed time resulting buy new one sidewall screwed favorite one decided take trip another state whim one weekend concert time felt lowest could get said screw decided go decided go night check city found local band playing bar ordered beer next thing remember waking hospital proceeded let leave hospital wandered city dead phone hour looking car go home got lot nice thought family friend initially jokey get raped laughing likely male honestly know remember nothing would rather stay way everything life seems result worst possible outcome whether fault noticeably whether want blame void problem outcome still pile problem change want right seem want give completely every time think thing get worse final post anything like want scream everyone look talk like stooge maybe damnit want people care trying failing every corner point anything sat unemployed friend flatmate bit get sense believe medical issue sense relationship also lost end lost know go hang everyone sure get better sometime maybe soon -"the phrase and concept ""it get's better \[eventually\]"" - - -How can anyone keep living without something other than that flawed statement? There's no trick or ploy here. I just don't get it. I'm tired of trying to convince myself that idea has merit (or is at least worth pursuing for myself.). I'm tired of leaning solely on that because time after time i can't find anything in this world to look forward to, anything to believe in, to want. - - -Maybe no one will read this post, maybe everyone(hyperbole) will. I know I don't have a flashy premise. I know I'm just some random person the average scroller doesn't have to get attached to or invested in because they may never hear from me again. I know this question is gigantic and a colossal ask to any one person. - - -I just need something. - - -random aside: fuck betrayal, fuck blatant liars.",1,phrase concept get better eventually anyone keep living without something flawed statement trick ploy get tired trying convince idea merit least worth pursuing tired leaning solely time time find anything world look forward anything believe want maybe one read post maybe everyone hyperbole know flashy premise know random person average scroller get attached invested may never hear know question gigantic colossal ask one person need something random aside fuck betrayal fuck blatant liar -"i don’t want to d*e, but also don’t love the idea of being alive. i feel like im just existing. - -my life somehow sounds really cool on paper and in real life it’s extremely “meh.” im in a long term relationship, working in entertainment (like i always wanted for myself), living in new york, i have some solid friends…. but none of it feels good. am i just an entitled brat? -i feel no excitement anymore, im just constantly working on arbitrary goals that i set for myself so i don’t just lay in bed all day. call it “high functioning.” - -i don’t really want to keep doing this whole thing. i’m tired, and over it. and i’ve gone through too much shit this past year and I am still dealing with ptsd and SA stuff and i just feel like i don’t want to deal with it anymore. i want to give my life to someone else and go live on a beach somewhere. - -and i know that life is hard and i hate that. i wish it wasn’t so hard. i’m not strong enough to keep fighting. i want to give up - -seeking advice please, or some words of wisdom, or something. how do i find my spark again?",1,want e also love idea alive feel like im existing life somehow sound really cool paper real life extremely meh im long term relationship working entertainment like always wanted living new york solid friend none feel good entitled brat feel excitement anymore im constantly working arbitrary goal set lay bed day call high functioning really want keep whole thing tired gone much shit past year still dealing ptsd sa stuff feel like want deal anymore want give life someone else go live beach somewhere know life hard hate wish hard strong enough keep fighting want give seeking advice please word wisdom something find spark -"What are you been doing lately? How life’s going for you? - -In my side, I started studying at college. I'm very proud of what I've accomplished, mostly managing my anxiety. still got a lot of work to do. The only thing that is kinda bothering me now is that I feel lonely, abandoned.",1,lately life going side started studying college proud accomplished mostly managing anxiety still got lot work thing kinda bothering feel lonely abandoned -"Hi; I was wondering if anyone has this happen to them. I have have had depression for decades, I have good days and bad days. No periods that last for weeks, or months, like I did when I first started having symptoms 40 years ago. Thank god it is mostly occasional bad bouts, most often I just have a dull low depression that I can dell with using, moving muscles, using cognitive disputes. - -Today I had one of the rare events that I used to get often. I wake up early have a cup or two of coffee, yet I feel really exhausted. (I slept fine the night before). I end up having breakfast, but that exhausted feeling becomes overwhelming and I go back to bet by 9AM. The entire day consists of me sleeping, having lucid bat shit crazy bizarre dreams. The dreams are not nightmares, in fact they are rather creative, but the locals and situations are like the came from somebodies imagination in a distant galaxy. They would make really interesting sci-fi fantasy. I also dream about being lonely, I have no family, few friends, one thing I remember was this gut wrenching sadness about a girl I dated over 40 years ago, thought she was the one, but it fell apart. - -After about 10 to 12 hours I get up, have something to eat. I feel hung over, an d it is like a storm passed through my brain, spent it's energy and now calm has returned. - -I was wondering if anyone else had had similar experiences like this? It would be concerning if it was a frequent occurrence, which it once was in the early days of depression, again that was decades ago. - -Thanks in advance for any observations or comments. Peace.",1,hi wondering anyone happen depression decade good day bad day period last week month like first started symptom 0 year ago thank god mostly occasional bad bout often dull low depression dell using moving muscle using cognitive dispute today one rare event used get often wake early cup two coffee yet feel really exhausted slept fine night end breakfast exhausted feeling becomes overwhelming go back bet 9am entire day consists sleeping lucid bat shit crazy bizarre dream dream nightmare fact rather creative local situation like came somebody imagination distant galaxy would make really interesting sci fi fantasy also dream lonely family friend one thing remember gut wrenching sadness girl dated 0 year ago thought one fell apart 0 hour get something eat feel hung like storm passed brain spent energy calm returned wondering anyone else similar experience like would concerning frequent occurrence early day depression decade ago thanks advance observation comment peace -"Is there any way to bring my appetite back? Due to unfortunate life events that gave me emotional stress over the past time I’ve started loosing my appetite. While some people were gaining weight this quarantine, it was the opposite for me. This isn’t normal for me since I was enjoying eating meals now food doesn’t faze me that much. I’ve lost desire to eat and I’m concerned about my health. I miss the feeling of enjoying food. - -p.s. sorry I forgot to add,, I’m a minor and i’m strictly forbidden to go outside, i was hoping if I could do anything inside the house that’s useful but i’ll consider other comments given, thank you",1,way bring appetite back due unfortunate life event gave emotional stress past time started loosing appetite people gaining weight quarantine opposite normal since enjoying eating meal food faze much lost desire eat concerned health miss feeling enjoying food p sorry forgot add minor strictly forbidden go outside hoping could anything inside house useful consider comment given thank -"It will be two years this November since my brother died from a fentanyl overdose. This completely shook up the family dynamics. I moved back home to be closer to them about a year before his death. While I am happy I did get to spend his last birthday with him, since he is gone and the family is all split up now, I hate living here. I used to make double doing the type of work that I do here where I last lived. My job is actually financially draining me. I am a caregiver/aid for disabled kids and have been for over 15 years. But ever since my brother died I find myself in very dark places. Then I get really angry for a second because I know he is gone and never coming back. Then throw in the caregiver fatigue with the grieving/depression and I just feel so crazy in my head sometimes. One minute I’m fine the next minute I hate everyone. Inflation isn’t helping because I am having to skip meals to make sure my kids are fed. Which also isn’t helping my mental health. I dunno how do you all cope??",1,two year november since brother died fentanyl overdose completely shook family dynamic moved back home closer year death happy get spend last birthday since gone family split hate living used make double type work last lived job actually financially draining caregiver aid disabled kid year ever since brother died find dark place get really angry second know gone never coming back throw caregiver fatigue grieving depression feel crazy head sometimes one minute fine next minute hate everyone inflation helping skip meal make sure kid fed also helping mental health dunno cope -"I can't stand the constant shitty feeling of depression in my chest head and stomach. Idk how to put it into words but pretty sure every depressed person knows what I mean. I can't shake the feeling and everything is starting to get under my skin and send me into such a downwards spiral of overthinking and overanalyzing everything. So much to the point that I overanalyze feeling sad in the first place and minimize my own feelings. - -I'm not motivated to do anything except sit around like a blob and waste time and space. My fiance is a blessing and does so much to make me feel better but he can't be my savior. And it's been so hard just to get through the work day and go through the motions - -I know it's temporary and will pass cause that's the illness but I feel so awful and helpless rn I forgot what I'm supposed to do..I hope typing this out will make me feel better thanks so much for reading and have a wonderful night",1,stand constant shitty feeling depression chest head stomach idk put word pretty sure every depressed person know mean shake feeling everything starting get skin send downwards spiral overthinking overanalyzing everything much point overanalyze feeling sad first place minimize feeling motivated anything except sit around like blob waste time space fiance blessing much make feel better savior hard get work day go motion know temporary pas cause illness feel awful helpless rn forgot supposed hope typing make feel better thanks much reading wonderful night -"I'm not writing this in a negative way- - -what is your -POINT - -having a point makes the difference I think, between your life. - -You need to know why you are doing something before you do it.",1,writing negative way point point make difference think life need know something -"It feels we live in such a cruel world. People torment each other. Always wanting to make others feel worse. Give each other Covid. Or hate. Or rage. Or despair. - -I don't sleep well. I've met some people recently whom have treated me badly, ghosted me, pretended to be my good friend, and I've suffered a lot of emotional pain. I always ask: what has been the point of all of this? I've had some terrible pain last few years. What was the point? Or is it all meaningless?",1,feel live cruel world people torment always wanting make others feel worse give covid hate rage despair sleep well met people recently treated badly ghosted pretended good friend suffered lot emotional pain always ask point terrible pain last year point meaningless -So for awhile now i've tried multiple times to hang myself and also tried to slit my wrist but all my suicide attempts have failed and im trying to find happiness in life and find a reason to live but everday i just wanna end all my suffering anyways here's why i feel suicidal:So basically my mom and dad are abusive and make me feel like shit and then my brother and sister don't uderstand what im going through so they make it worse and my parents threated me if i call cps or anyone about what happens at the house i would get WHOOPED TILL I TURNED RED AND GOT BRUSIES AND ALOT OF BAD THINGS SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME BEFORE I TAKE MY LIFE.,1,awhile tried multiple time hang also tried slit wrist suicide attempt failed im trying find happiness life find reason live everday wan na end suffering anyways feel suicidal basically mom dad abusive make feel like shit brother sister uderstand im going make worse parent threated call cps anyone happens house would get whooped till turned red got brusies alot bad thing somebody please help take life -"I've felt like this for a bit but never super realized until I looked into a depression as I've thought more and more recently that I might have depression. I've just kind of been watching youtube and shows recently not doing anything I like recently I haven't had any good motivation to get up and do stuff like playing video games even though I want to I just can't get myself to. I've been failing school I can't motivate myself to sit down and even do that which I really really need to do, and I feel bad for it too since I haven't done really anything and my mom stuck her neck out to help me. I've just about always had good grades up until spring of last year I think. I'm always happy when out doing stuff around people basically but I'm not always feeling that way I've just kind of been feeling off and a bit sad. I want to reach out to people but I don't have the courage to do so even if they're a relative or a close friend I don't want anyone feeling sad because I am and I'm just kind of trying to keep people other than myself happy. People have asked me sometimes if I'm ok but I always respond with I'm fine; sometimes I know like at the beginning of conversations I sound a bit sad which is why people ask if I'm ok but then I kind of just go to a normal somewhat happy tone. I don't want to really say I'm depressed cause I think it's just my own fault for being too lazy and I know recently especially I haven't been getting to sleep really at a time I should just cause I don't feel tired basically ever so I just stay awake and sometimes force myself to sleep I'm not really ever crying which isn't very depression like which is guess is kind of why I've just thought for awhile that i don't which I probably don't I'm sure I'm exaggerating but I don't really get to a point where I feel sleepy and then when I do go to sleep I sleep for hours and even if I do set alarms I wake up but I'm just not motivated enough to actually get up so I usually just fall back asleep but I just haven't told anyone up until now especially not irl until now but even this has taken some courage to admit even to myself but i probably didn't say everything as im just kind of piecing stuff together in no specific order or anything and just ramblind on but I'm sorry this has been long thank you for reading and have a nice day or night - -I did forget to mention some stuff I don't really have suicidal thoughts I mean I've thought of suicide but never actually thought about doing it and I have been thinking about talking to a friend that I believe has had depression in the past but I don't know if they still do so I don't really want to put that weight on their shoulders as well and also I haven't been eating as much probably not because of depression if I even have it which I'm sure I don't at this point and also my hygiene I haven't been taking care of my hygiene the best I kind of stopped brushing my teeth for awhile I hate to admit it but my teeth are pretty yellowed and I haven't really been taking care of things such as acne as well.",1,felt like bit never super realized looked depression thought recently might depression kind watching youtube show recently anything like recently good motivation get stuff like playing video game even though want get failing school motivate sit even really really need feel bad since done really anything mom stuck neck help always good grade spring last year think always happy stuff around people basically always feeling way kind feeling bit sad want reach people courage even relative close friend want anyone feeling sad kind trying keep people happy people asked sometimes ok always respond fine sometimes know like beginning conversation sound bit sad people ask ok kind go normal somewhat happy tone want really say depressed cause think fault lazy know recently especially getting sleep really time cause feel tired basically ever stay awake sometimes force sleep really ever cry depression like guess kind thought awhile probably sure exaggerating really get point feel sleepy go sleep sleep hour even set alarm wake motivated enough actually get usually fall back asleep told anyone especially irl even taken courage admit even probably say everything im kind piecing stuff together specific order anything ramblind sorry long thank reading nice day night forget mention stuff really suicidal thought mean thought suicide never actually thought thinking talking friend believe depression past know still really want put weight shoulder well also eating much probably depression even sure point also hygiene taking care hygiene best kind stopped brushing teeth awhile hate admit teeth pretty yellowed really taking care thing acne well -"I feel like I can’t get high enough to forget the shit that’s happening in life rn, I want to self harm so bad because I’m so sad and idk what to do with myself and how I’ve reacted to my relationship struggles.",1,feel like get high enough forget shit happening life rn want self harm bad sad idk reacted relationship struggle -"i think i am having a nervous breakdown i need help. i have too much going on i cant even get into detail. i had a panic attack and i kept hitting myself in the face its 12:30am right now. i dont want to say whats going on particularly but i have absolutely nobody there for me or anybody willing to help. i had a panic attack about 15 minutes ago, its 12:34am as im writing this right now. i got up from my bed and walked into the bathroom and i got into the bathtub and sat down and stared at the wall for 5 minutes. i dont know where my head is ive been sitting here for 10 minutes now. i really need help right now. ive never posted anything like this to a subreddit or any other website so this is almost a last resort for me.",1,think nervous breakdown need help much going cant even get detail panic attack kept hitting face 0am right dont want say whats going particularly absolutely nobody anybody willing help panic attack minute ago im writing right got bed walked bathroom got bathtub sat stared wall minute dont know head ive sitting 0 minute really need help right ive never posted anything like subreddit website almost last resort -"f16 I am just so tired. I hate my life. I know there’s a beautiful side to life but oh my god I don’t even wanna see it if the things I’ve been through are always going to be in the back of my head. I don’t feel guilty about leaving my friends or family anymore. I just feel ready . - - -What I’m worried about is failing.",1,f tired hate life know beautiful side life oh god even wan na see thing always going back head feel guilty leaving friend family anymore feel ready worried failing -"Everyone I have ever met in my life has told me that I'm beautiful. Some, even the most beautiful that they have ever seen. - -All my life, I've expected the rest of the world to bow down before my beauty and tell me that I'm beautiful. I always rely on that validation and reassurance. I keep on waiting for people to tell me that I'm beautiful. I keep track of who tells me I'm beautiful and who hasn't. For those who haven't, I wonder if they think I'm beautiful. - -This happened with my 50 year old same sex female teacher. I was expecting her to tell me that I'm beautiful even as she was rejecting me, and I noticed that she didn't tell me what I wanted to hear, and just pointed out aspects about my personality. I was crying over it. - -My own thinking has led to me having many problems in life. I lack even the most basic common sense, even when something is so obvious. Like, flying to Germany and showing up unannounced at the airport asking to be picked up at 11 PM and expecting to free load for two weeks with relatives I haven't seen in 17 years over Christmas. Being invited to a friend's birthday party and not even talking to her and wondering why she became cold to me. - -Even at work, When toothpicks fell, I was picking them up to put them back on the bottle. I was stacking clothes that they kept on falling. My coworkers who are younger than me helped me and their minds are more mature than mine. When my former professor 40 years my senior told me he loved me and that I was the most beautiful woman he has ever met, I was blown away. I was so distracted by him telling me that I was beautiful that I could not see that he could have been lying. - -I have received a couple of complaints about my personality. Someone told me, ""Yes, you are beautiful in looks, BUT UGLY AS HELL AT HEART. You are narcissistic and manipulative. You surely do act like the world revolves around you. Another person has told me, ""You told me that you are 27. When I was talking to you, I felt like I was talking to a 16-year-old. You are a very immature woman, and you're not that bright either."" Is this why I don't have any friends? - -Is there more to life than being beautiful? Would people find my immaturity to be unattractive?",1,everyone ever met life told beautiful even beautiful ever seen life expected rest world bow beauty tell beautiful always rely validation reassurance keep waiting people tell beautiful keep track tell beautiful wonder think beautiful happened 0 year old sex female teacher expecting tell beautiful even rejecting noticed tell wanted hear pointed aspect personality cry thinking led many problem life lack even basic common sense even something obvious like flying germany showing unannounced airport asking picked pm expecting free load two week relative seen year christmas invited friend birthday party even talking wondering became cold even work toothpick fell picking put back bottle stacking clothes kept falling coworkers younger helped mind mature mine former professor 0 year senior told loved beautiful woman ever met blown away distracted telling beautiful could see could lying received couple complaint personality someone told yes beautiful look ugly hell heart narcissistic manipulative surely act like world revolves around another person told told talking felt like talking year old immature woman bright either friend life beautiful would people find immaturity unattractive -I don’t know what to feel but I just am tired and over it and there’s no end to running on a hamster wheel of constant sadness Ugh,1,know feel tired end running hamster wheel constant sadness ugh -" -I cant do this I just cant anymore I wanna be happy again. Im dealing with lots rn ever since I watched some verg graphic gore, smoked weed, had dpdr, researched solipsism. Its all too much for me I wanna be happy again I just cant see the world the same anymore but I want to please someone help. Ive had this kind of depression for years it comes and goes. I hadnt had any kind of major depression tho for a while. This doesnt feel like itll go away I rly need to know and make sure itll go away because I just cant especially at night thats when it gets rly bad. I just don’t know what to do, this doesn’t feel like it’ll ever go away. Please please help im desperate. I just wanna be happy again I can’t deal with this again",1,cant cant anymore wan na happy im dealing lot rn ever since watched verg graphic gore smoked weed dpdr researched solipsism much wan na happy cant see world anymore want please someone help ive kind depression year come go hadnt kind major depression tho doesnt feel like itll go away rly need know make sure itll go away cant especially night thats get rly bad know feel like ever go away please please help im desperate wan na happy deal -"Death seeks me - -Life besieges me - -I want - -To die - -Why oh why? - -Fuck - -Bring the pain - -I am ready for the ocean - -Whatever happens - -I'll be with God - -Please God, forgive me - -I have failed you - -I am so confused - -Please help me - -Why is my life such a painful struggle? - -I want peace in sobriety with you - -Forgive me God - -I am sorry",1,death seek life besieges want die oh fuck bring pain ready ocean whatever happens god please god forgive failed confused please help life painful struggle want peace sobriety forgive god sorry -"I've decided to mourn my break up of 2 years together that happened 3 weeks ago. Last night I dropped all my hopes and faith she'd come back to me. We both were evil to each other, definitely not ready for one another. We did love each other like no one else. We both were each other's first love and then my heart, my soul feels like some nasty hand came to my soul, ripped apart half of my heart, watched me die on the street alone and giggled at me. - -I don't want this amount of pain it almost led me to act on you know what last night. I've ruined every decision I've made in life, I don't want to ruin more. Tomorrow is not promised then I want to change my personality since I never made friends with who I am, I want to I just want to change 180 degrees of who I am today but this pain it's killing me. - -How do I get over this pain as quickly as possible? I've no friends to speak to about it. I'm alone here and dying to just have someone in a similar experience and help me with it. IRL friends I haven't had in so many years, and being at home is killing me too for so many years, but I want to change it all",1,decided mourn break year together happened week ago last night dropped hope faith come back evil definitely ready one another love like one else first love heart soul feel like nasty hand came soul ripped apart half heart watched die street alone giggled want amount pain almost led act know last night ruined every decision made life want ruin tomorrow promised want change personality since never made friend want want change 0 degree today pain killing get pain quickly possible friend speak alone dying someone similar experience help irl friend many year home killing many year want change -"i think i’m starting to feel an emotion that i haven’t experienced naturally in years. - -you know that feeling where you have a vacation coming up, and the whole week before you’re like excited because you have something to look forward to? i’ve been feeling that all week but i have no plans or breaks until the end of the semester. i was trying to express this feeling out loud to my friends when it occurred to me, is this what happy people feel like? - -like do they feel satisfied just walking around all day? it’s like my stomach is warm and content even though nothing is different and i have nothing going on. - -anyone else have thoughts on this?",1,think starting feel emotion experienced naturally year know feeling vacation coming whole week like excited something look forward feeling week plan break end semester trying express feeling loud friend occurred happy people feel like like feel satisfied walking around day like stomach warm content even though nothing different nothing going anyone else thought -"My appetite extremely lost itself, day by day and week by week. I can't even enjoy eating sweets anymore, or even the most delicious foods make me want to throw up. Except for Liquids, such as coke(im addicted to soda), and milk tea. I feel sad and pity myself, im fully aware how my health is deteriorating yet I dont know how to deal with it. I suffer from DID, MDD, Bipolar 2, and cPTSD, I'm in Early Phase of therapy so things aren't really going Good these days. Im really concerned about my health, im already Severely Wasted(Underweight). Sometimes I just think thats its better to not eat cause everytime I eat I get depressed, feel discomfort, and idk why. From One cup of rice, to one half cup, to 1/4, and now I only eat 4 spoons per meal, I don't even drink much water. I want to change it but I just dont know how.",1,appetite extremely lost day day week week even enjoy eating sweet anymore even delicious food make want throw except liquid coke im addicted soda milk tea feel sad pity im fully aware health deteriorating yet dont know deal suffer mdd bipolar cptsd early phase therapy thing really going good day im really concerned health im already severely wasted underweight sometimes think thats better eat cause everytime eat get depressed feel discomfort idk one cup rice one half cup eat spoon per meal even drink much water want change dont know -"I’ve had depression for as long as I can remember really. Some days I’m sad for absolutely no reason. That’s how today started. Now I’m in my head and I’m more depressed than I’ve been in a very long time. I hardly ever cry, I haven’t cried in probably months. I’m crying right now. I’m fucking sobbing like a Lil bitch. -•My boyfriend is in jail. Not sure how long. Months? Idk. -• I live in our house with our 11 year old. (He’s my sisters kid but I have custody) -• My best friend has depression, and her boyfriend struggles with drugs and she works a very full time job. She doesn’t reply much to me anymore. I’m not mad at her, I know her life it very tough and she struggles with depression as well. I’m just sad because she’s my go to person and now I’m lucky if I get a reply. -• I’m 30 days clean from Fentanyl. So the chemicals in my brain probably aren’t in the greatest shape. -• I miss my other best friend. I saved all of our videos and pictures. She was my best friend from around 2016-2018 -I was in a very toxic relationship and she constantly tried to break us up, rightfully so. Once I finally broke up with him...the girl and I we fine, we were great! One night we went to a party and then the next day I went home and wrote her a long text telling her she was toxic towards her boyfriend. We got into a huge fight. Then they started stupid rumors about me trying to get with her bf. Wasn’t true. Then...I went 100 steps too far. I got with this new guy who was total GANG GANG and a snow addict at the time. I knew a window in her house was broke and could always open. While she was at school my new man and his friend robbed her house. And by rob I mean only took the bongs and weed. That was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. The whole time it happened I sat at home have an anxiety attack because I wanted to tell my man nevermind but I didn’t want him to think “less of me”. How fucking cool of me. I have a very guilty conscience and I’m empathetic as fuck. I ended up telling her the truth. She already knew, she’s not stupid. I knew she wanted to kill me the moment I confessed to her face. A week later I ended up giving her $200-$300 to make up for what was taken. I hoped she would want to continue our friendship but it was over. I don’t blame her. I was the toxic one all along. I needed to do deep soul searching. Well now it’s 2022...and that happened 4 years ago. I still think about her everyday. I miss her more than ever. I love her soul, and that’s rare to find. I’ve been looking at all our old videos/pictures that I saved to my eyes only on Snapchat. I have hundreds of snaps of us. -My point is...if anyone is actually still reading... -Do I try to message her on Facebook? -Or should I just be happy that she was apart of my life. Did I forever ruin what could have been? -I feel like I’m just getting through everyday, not living. -I’m prescribed very strong sleeping meds. I’m tempted to take a couple but I won’t. I’m tempted to walk to the gas station and drink my sorrows away but that’ll only make things worse. I could go across the street and sit on the swing in the park but it’s dark. Now I’m just babbling on about nothing. I feel like it’s the loneliness talking.",1,depression long remember really day sad absolutely reason today started head depressed long time hardly ever cry cried probably month cry right fucking sobbing like lil bitch boyfriend jail sure long month idk live house year old sister kid custody best friend depression boyfriend struggle drug work full time job reply much anymore mad know life tough struggle depression well sad go person lucky get reply 0 day clean fentanyl chemical brain probably greatest shape miss best friend saved video picture best friend around 0 0 toxic relationship constantly tried break u rightfully finally broke girl fine great one night went party next day went home wrote long text telling toxic towards boyfriend got huge fight started stupid rumor trying get bf true went 00 step far got new guy total gang gang snow addict time knew window house broke could always open school new man friend robbed house rob mean took bong weed one biggest mistake life whole time happened sat home anxiety attack wanted tell man nevermind want think le fucking cool guilty conscience empathetic fuck ended telling truth already knew stupid knew wanted kill moment confessed face week later ended giving 00 00 make taken hoped would want continue friendship blame toxic one along needed deep soul searching well 0 happened year ago still think everyday miss ever love soul rare find looking old video picture saved eye snapchat hundred snap u point anyone actually still reading try message facebook happy apart life forever ruin could feel like getting everyday living prescribed strong sleeping med tempted take couple tempted walk gas station drink sorrow away make thing worse could go across street sit swing park dark babbling nothing feel like loneliness talking -"That mental struggle when you **know** you should reach out because you think you might SH but a big part of you doesn't want to try too hard to get help because F\* everyone and everything. - -&#x200B; - -I've tried half heartedly all day to reach out to people but no one has responded with anything other than their own issues. I guess posting here is kinda reaching out. Part of me doesn't want to do it, but most of me is just angry and wants to put that into something.",1,mental struggle know reach think might sh big part want try hard get help f everyone everything amp x 00b tried half heartedly day reach people one responded anything issue guess posting kinda reaching part want angry want put something -"(27M) I have been dealing with depression, anxiety, panic attacks for 10 years. And also have ADHD. I kind of suck at everything. I am failing my 3rd university, almost have no social life, have no girlfriend for 7 years, no job, no goals, and no achievements. I have been trying to get my life together for years. I quit alcohol and cannabis completely. I am working out regularly, forcing myself to socialize and learn new skills, and trying to date (failing miserably). I am only successful at quitting drugs which I can relapse anytime. I suffer 11 months of a year( have some good days). So, what is the point of living if I won't be happy and achieve anything? What kind of man I am who cannot attract a woman and never be able to? And why do I bother to live if I am failing every job I took and every university I went to? I always feel lonely, hate myself, and can't look at the mirror anymore. I am about to give up but I can't decide. Please answer objectively, thanks.",1,dealing depression anxiety panic attack 0 year also adhd kind suck everything failing rd university almost social life girlfriend year job goal achievement trying get life together year quit alcohol cannabis completely working regularly forcing socialize learn new skill trying date failing miserably successful quitting drug relapse anytime suffer month year good day point living happy achieve anything kind man attract woman never able bother live failing every job took every university went always feel lonely hate look mirror anymore give decide please answer objectively thanks -"its been like this for so long, and my first problem has always been there, it will never go away. if i were to change this problem, i wouldnt be me anymore. it started when i was 4, a mute child, now i have social anxiety and depression. i never received treatment, the first time when i was 13, and got prescribed, and then they stopped suddenly. i dont have anything, i dont even have a friend to tell, nor an adult. i cant just “seek help” i dont trust anyone at all, and im far too scared to even speak about it because i go silent when i have to talk about things like this. im 14, so i have no way to seek help for myself. i dont have any friends at school, and i havent had any for years. every time i try to make one, i just cant keep up and its so exhausting trying to talk, and i just never speak again. a lot of people hate me, i was verbally bullied in some schools. no one was ever there to help me, ive been alone for so long, its been getting so much worse with constant de realization, severe intrusive thoughts, and at this point i cut myself everyday. i genuinely dont see a future anymore",1,like long first problem always never go away change problem wouldnt anymore started mute child social anxiety depression never received treatment first time got prescribed stopped suddenly dont anything dont even friend tell adult cant seek help dont trust anyone im far scared even speak go silent talk thing like im way seek help dont friend school havent year every time try make one cant keep exhausting trying talk never speak lot people hate verbally bullied school one ever help ive alone long getting much worse constant de realization severe intrusive thought point cut everyday genuinely dont see future anymore -"Im a 17 year old guy in highschool. I suffer from Bipolar Depression and have been addicted to painkillers before and went through rehab. During my freshman year, during my addiction, I had a girlfriend and we decided to go to a dance together, she didn't show up. My first reaction was to not worry but all my friends had their dates and we're having fun. I immediately went into a panic and took too many pills, I overdosed and almost died. I decided to break up with my girlfriend after the incident and felt it was best we moved on. Now I'm a Junior, the first year I'm allowed to go to prom and I don't wanna go, I'm single this year and all my friends have dates and are probably going to have fun. I don't think I will enjoy myself, I don't want to relive a traumatic experience that nearly killed me. My parents want me to go because they feel it is really important and will show my emotional growth. They say that me going will make them happy and called me selfish when I said I wasn't going. My Dad keeps telling me that I'm going and that I need to look for a suit and stuff, pretending like nothing is wrong. My mom is telling me that I'm selfish for not going and that it would make them happy if I would go. I don't know what to do, can I get some advice.",1,im year old guy highschool suffer bipolar depression addicted painkiller went rehab freshman year addiction girlfriend decided go dance together show first reaction worry friend date fun immediately went panic took many pill overdosed almost died decided break girlfriend incident felt best moved junior first year allowed go prom wan na go single year friend date probably going fun think enjoy want relive traumatic experience nearly killed parent want go feel really important show emotional growth say going make happy called selfish said going dad keep telling going need look suit stuff pretending like nothing wrong mom telling selfish going would make happy would go know get advice -"It was dumb. They were talking about what days do they put out trash and I said something like ""every day is trash day if you hate yourself but still go outside"". They nervous laughed and looked at me asking if I was serious, and I said ""well everyone hates themselves a little bit"" and they just didn't respond... - -Cool. Just me. Ok, lol.",1,dumb talking day put trash said something like every day trash day hate still go outside nervous laughed looked asking serious said well everyone hate little bit respond cool ok lol -"I've been struggling with motivation to do anything work related for the last 6 months or so because I'm depressed. As a result, I'm super far behind on a lot of stuff. My manager hasn't really noticed because I'll get the things done that they need. But I'm in a really bad place, mentally, this week. And I have done almost no work on a big project that I need to finish by tomorrow. I've been debating going out on FMLA for the last few weeks. But I have to use up all of my vacation time if I do go out. - -I've been seeing a therapist weekly and I've been on Wellbutrin for a month. My doctor just increased my dosage yesterday. It really hasn't done much for me up to this point. Do I just take FMLA until I get my depression under control? - -I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I hate disappointing people, but this depression is debilitating. I'm also really scared to even start the process for FMLA.",1,struggling motivation anything work related last month depressed result super far behind lot stuff manager really noticed get thing done need really bad place mentally week done almost work big project need finish tomorrow debating going fmla last week use vacation time go seeing therapist weekly wellbutrin month doctor increased dosage yesterday really done much point take fmla get depression control feel like stuck rock hard place hate disappointing people depression debilitating also really scared even start process fmla -"I feel like everything i do i get tired of very quickly... I dont feel like challenging myself or bettering myself. When something happens to me i put myself down real quick. Im functional enough to get out of bed clean myself and go to work, but thats really it. Nothing else. My interest in activities isnt there. - -I used to be on 150 mg of sertaline a year and a half ago but i got off it. Thats back when i was suicidal. And to be honest i have improved, just not to the extent i think i should have. I thought my brain would start getting back into a completely healthy rhythm by itself but it didnt. - -Thankfully im not suicidal and the fact i admit i want to improve is a very good sign.",1,feel like everything get tired quickly dont feel like challenging bettering something happens put real quick im functional enough get bed clean go work thats really nothing else interest activity isnt used 0 mg sertaline year half ago got thats back suicidal honest improved extent think thought brain would start getting back completely healthy rhythm didnt thankfully im suicidal fact admit want improve good sign -"At first I thought I was being picky. - -But I kid you not: I've worked at over 50 different companies over the last ten years. - -Don't get me wrong, some jobs were garbage and had high turnover to begin with. But other jobs, people would go crazy over, from some of the most reputable companies in my area, to the easiest work for great pay. - -Many of these jobs are not in a field I'm passionate about. The work stagnates, I become disengaged and I quit. If it's not that, my coworkers or my supervisors suck. If it's not that, the schedule is off. If it's not that, the pay is off. Hell if it's not any of that, a speck of dirt landed on my shirt, so screw this place - I'm leaving. - -I'm terrified of being stuck somewhere I don't want to be and it gradually defining my career. But the more I jump around, the more time I waste in the process. People younger than me are becoming my boss. And I sit here wondering exactly what I'm doing with my life and what I even *want* to be doing with my life. - -I'm 31 years old. I haven't had a long-lasting job - let alone a solid romantic relationship, in over a decade. The more time that creeps by, the harder it gets. I've worked so many jobs now and have become so experienced doing so many different tasks, I can very quickly spot out a bad gig or come to a decision if it's an environment I want to be in. - -When I was a kid working the only job I've spent more than three years at, my supervisor told me I should be a drifter in life and jump from town to town. At the time I didn't think much of it; today, however, I wonder if that's really what my true aim should be, considering I've kind of been doing that for most of my adult life anyway. - -Fuck.",1,first thought picky kid worked 0 different company last ten year get wrong job garbage high turnover begin job people would go crazy reputable company area easiest work great pay many job field passionate work stagnates become disengaged quit coworkers supervisor suck schedule pay hell speck dirt landed shirt screw place leaving terrified stuck somewhere want gradually defining career jump around time waste process people younger becoming bos sit wondering exactly life even want life year old long lasting job let alone solid romantic relationship decade time creep harder get worked many job become experienced many different task quickly spot bad gig come decision environment want kid working job spent three year supervisor told drifter life jump town town time think much today however wonder really true aim considering kind adult life anyway fuck -"Idk who’s going to read this, but it doesn’t matter. I’m only writing this for myself. I always had friends growing up. I wasn’t the most popular kid, but I had my small group. Recently, some drama happened and I’m no longer in the group. I was wronged, and I will play the victim because I am. I don’t have any friends now, I haven’t got a few years. I fell into a terrible life style. The only thing I do with my life is go to college, work, then rot in my bed consuming media. It took a while, but it hit me during one of my breaks away from school and work. I realized that I have nothing making me happy. I wake up, and go on my phone watching random shit all day in my bed. At night, I’m afraid to sleep so I just consume media until I can’t stay awake any longer. I recently started think about what makes me happy, nothing. I have no interest to pursue, no friends to talk to, no life to live. I’ve seen everywhere that in order to find yourself, you should start a hobby based on your interests. That’s bullshit coming from people that don’t have these problems. I don’t have interests, no hobbies appeal to me. Saying “find a hobby that interests you” is like me telling you to start a hobby that you don’t like. I don’t like anything anymore, I don’t know who I am and I don’t know how to find myself. Being betrayed by the people closest to you is a blessing and a curse. I know they weren’t real, but I also know loneliness. I can’t crawl out of this state because I’ve got nothing I want to do. How do I become curious. How do I start to desire things again. I’m so lost. I don’t even know if I have depression or something, all I know is I’m constantly hurt unless I’m consuming media. Being idle just hurts. I don’t know where else to say this.",1,idk going read matter writing always friend growing popular kid small group recently drama happened longer group wronged play victim friend got year fell terrible life style thing life go college work rot bed consuming medium took hit one break away school work realized nothing making happy wake go phone watching random shit day bed night afraid sleep consume medium stay awake longer recently started think make happy nothing interest pursue friend talk life live seen everywhere order find start hobby based interest bullshit coming people problem interest hobby appeal saying find hobby interest like telling start hobby like like anything anymore know know find betrayed people closest blessing curse know real also know loneliness crawl state got nothing want become curious start desire thing lost even know depression something know constantly hurt unless consuming medium idle hurt know else say -"I literally feel empty and hollow. I feel like I'm slowly just losing touch of what it means to be alive. I had people to talk with for awhile and it was great. It made me smile knowing I wasn't lonely anymore but looks like that disappeared from me. The ones I talk to just stopped, no concern, no care, just treated as a stranger. - -That really broke my heart. I feel so sad and unmotivated about anything anymore. It such bad timing because I figured what I wanted to do in life and this comes to weigh me down. I literally feel like ending it would give me a sense of peace for once. I don't know what to do. So much stress Is on me. I don't know how to deal with it anymore. - -What am I supposed to do now?...",1,literally feel empty hollow feel like slowly losing touch mean alive people talk awhile great made smile knowing lonely anymore look like disappeared one talk stopped concern care treated stranger really broke heart feel sad unmotivated anything anymore bad timing figured wanted life come weigh literally feel like ending would give sense peace know much stress know deal anymore supposed -I’m crippled by my past mistakes… I had the perfect life and threw it all away. Now I’m with someone who treats me like shit and I’m staying because I feel like that’s what I deserve. Every day is a struggle and I’m ready to be done with this life I’ve ruined. The world would be better off.,1,crippled past mistake perfect life threw away someone treat like shit staying feel like deserve every day struggle ready done life ruined world would better -"It's been 2 and a half months now, the depression is getting way worse with suicidal thoughts. -Antidepressants don't help me at all (trazadone, Moklobemid) -I cannot cope with his death, i've dropped out of uni, my life is meaningless now, i have 0 hope, i don't look forward to anything anymore, all relationships i have now feel empty. -Also i'm an adult now, 24 years old i don't think it's even possible to make real friends at this age, i've grown up alongside him, went through middle and high school with him, all the memories i have with him are just a burning memory now... -And the worst of all is when you don't believe in god or afterlife anymore. -You just know that your best friend is nothing but a brain rotting in a cold grave right now, and you won't ever see him again, never ever.",1,half month depression getting way worse suicidal thought antidepressant help trazadone moklobemid cope death dropped uni life meaningless 0 hope look forward anything anymore relationship feel empty also adult year old think even possible make real friend age grown alongside went middle high school memory burning memory worst believe god afterlife anymore know best friend nothing brain rotting cold grave right ever see never ever -"I dont bother doing anything all day and im failing college, yet im still tired and im constantly thinking about suicide",1,dont bother anything day im failing college yet im still tired im constantly thinking suicide -"That one week was the best In a long time, around 6 months of constant depression has quite honestly made me want to kill myself, but I have too many people in my life for that. I'm grateful for having supportive friends and family members but I just want to die.",1,one week best long time around month constant depression quite honestly made want kill many people life grateful supportive friend family member want die -"Been feeling my worst bought of depression in years. -I’m not very socially graceful and I had a substance abuse problem for a long time (clean 5 years) and sometimes I worry I pickled my brain lol because what’s common sense to most people doesn’t really register for me. I get dismissed by people a lot and I’m really struggling at work because of it. I’m looking for a new job. Unfortunately nothing pays as well as my current job and I’m already living paycheck to paycheck. I recently got a cat though and she helps with the loneliness.",1,feeling worst bought depression year socially graceful substance abuse problem long time clean year sometimes worry pickled brain lol common sense people really register get dismissed people lot really struggling work looking new job unfortunately nothing pay well current job already living paycheck paycheck recently got cat though help loneliness -" I did not have a good day today,felt confused and felt like I had no control over my own life, but I’m reminding myself that I need days like these to really appreciate the good ones, even though it feels like I’ve been in this rough patch for a while and at times it’s been really hard to keep going .It is the hope that will get me trough this and is getting me trough it right now, Those feelings of dread and complete defeat can get the best of you and have you seeing no happy ending,For everyone reading this I just want you to continue having hope for a brighter day and so will I.You are strong",1,good day today felt confused felt like control life reminding need day like really appreciate good one even though feel like rough patch time really hard keep going hope get trough getting trough right feeling dread complete defeat get best seeing happy ending everyone reading want continue hope brighter day strong -"Do you ever just day dream of an alternate reality where your the main character? Where your almost like a superhero and everyone loves you and your life is so perfect and you have all the things you want? Life like your in a movie? - -Then you return to face your reality of sadness and face that grimness of it all? - -I do this almost daily, it’s depressing.",1,ever day dream alternate reality main character almost like superhero everyone love life perfect thing want life like movie return face reality sadness face grimness almost daily depressing -"My father is very smart, he has so much achievements in his education and he always graduated top on his class. His dream profession was to become an engineer but because they were poor he was not able to pursue it, back then he would always persuade to become an engineer. Now I'm at college studying engineering but I am struggling to keep up with college, whenever I share to them my struggles they just expect me to easily overcome it. I cry every night thinking that I am just a failure and a disappointment to my family. - -This has all started when I was still in elementary and have been reaching as top in the class. I was introduced to the computer and got hooked by it. I basically grew up in high school facing my computer most of the time, I would no longer study and just play all night long not knowing the impact it that would cause me today. My habits have completely changed, I became malnourished, my education has deteriorated and I graduated high school not knowing how to add a simple fraction. - -Now I am at college I am struggling to keep up especially math and I have a failing grade, we have a programming subject and what I have realized is that I actually feel happy when taking the lessons. I have been thinking to change my career instead, but I know my family would not agree. I have so many thoughts right now about what ifs, but the urge to just end my life is too strong because I know at this point of my life I have no chance to succeed. I have been thinking about this for weeks, I have completely lost my faith and motivation, I am disappointed in myself knowing if I would continue it would only get worse. I've already prepared everything, I'm only waiting to actually be able to pull the trigger.",1,father smart much achievement education always graduated top class dream profession become engineer poor able pursue back would always persuade become engineer college studying engineering struggling keep college whenever share struggle expect easily overcome cry every night thinking failure disappointment family started still elementary reaching top class introduced computer got hooked basically grew high school facing computer time would longer study play night long knowing impact would cause today habit completely changed became malnourished education deteriorated graduated high school knowing add simple fraction college struggling keep especially math failing grade programming subject realized actually feel happy taking lesson thinking change career instead know family would agree many thought right ifs urge end life strong know point life chance succeed thinking week completely lost faith motivation disappointed knowing would continue would get worse already prepared everything waiting actually able pull trigger -I hate this shit that is called life and myself as well I seriously just wanna be normal and mentally stable I turn 21 in 3 months I suffer from bipolar adhd and severe social anxiety lol and I live in a country that do not give two fucks About mental health not even my family knows About this they just think am weird I always find it extremely hard to be social or have a solid jobe interview without sweating or going completely red lol I also have some leftover acne scars so that made it alot worst have one friend that I feel a connection with and I love that I mean hopefully things will get better am in my last year of college or I will get the courage to and my miserable life,1,hate shit called life well seriously wan na normal mentally stable turn month suffer bipolar adhd severe social anxiety lol live country give two fuck mental health even family know think weird always find extremely hard social solid jobe interview without sweating going completely red lol also leftover acne scar made alot worst one friend feel connection love mean hopefully thing get better last year college get courage miserable life -"Hey, - -Last year I went through a horrible horrible depression and it’s was because I was going through a lot and I was always doing things for people 😔 I forgot about myself and this year I just want to focus on me. But it’s like people from my past are trying to come back into my life and I don’t want nothing to do with them. I’m also trying my best to protect my energy so sometimes I get in a mood of I don’t want to talk to anyone. Like I’m perfectly fine just being alone and it’s like humans these days don’t understand this they get upset. I don’t want to be a bad person but I just can’t handle too many friends or a lot of people in my life just hanging out in the background . If I could just be alone forever I honestly would 🙁 I been through so much trauma I don’t trust anybody",1,hey last year went horrible horrible depression going lot always thing people forgot year want focus like people past trying come back life want nothing also trying best protect energy sometimes get mood want talk anyone like perfectly fine alone like human day understand get upset want bad person handle many friend lot people life hanging background could alone forever honestly would much trauma trust anybody -"I’m a 19 year old male currently in college doing engineering , living with my parents.. I love my parents and they love me.. And you know the pandemic for the last 2 years forced college to be online learning. So I’m at home studying 24/7 with no job… yes my parents pay for my education and everything. I feel very depressed every day and I became this awful person that yells back at my parents and me sitting at home made me very lazy that if my mom tells me to do a chore then I become angry. Now is it that I don’t have a job I feel depressed and lazy? I know I need to change this anger inside of me but don’t know how to start the next step. - -Thanks for reading this. Please share what you think.",1,9 year old male currently college engineering living parent love parent love know pandemic last year forced college online learning home studying job yes parent pay education everything feel depressed every day became awful person yell back parent sitting home made lazy mom tell chore become angry job feel depressed lazy know need change anger inside know start next step thanks reading please share think -"Coming from an Asian household, I've been told to become a doctor since the age of 4. The constant pressure for good grades led me to repeat my senior year of highschool, drop out of university, graduate from a local college, and then re-enroll to another program (then drop out) since my parents hated the program I graduated from. I want to thank them for the support they showed. Especially when they called me useless, dumb, an embarassment, and how they would disown me. - -Now I'm 28 years old with a fairly decent working from home job that I may get fired from since I've ignored my workload due to cycling back into a depressive state. I now purely cope by playing video games and jerking off. I live everyday day dreaming and at the same time regretting my wasted youth. All the while my parents look at me with disdain and remind me whenever they can about how I ruined my life. That's the end of my TED talk. Fuck my life man.",1,coming asian household told become doctor since age constant pressure good grade led repeat senior year highschool drop university graduate local college enroll another program drop since parent hated program graduated want thank support showed especially called useless dumb embarassment would disown year old fairly decent working home job may get fired since ignored workload due cycling back depressive state purely cope playing video game jerking live everyday day dreaming time regretting wasted youth parent look disdain remind whenever ruined life end ted talk fuck life man -I’m having a horrible night and I’m too nervous to call the suicide crisis hotline i just need someone to talk to really bad please,1,horrible night nervous call suicide crisis hotline need someone talk really bad please -"I don't know if this is the right place, but i just want to get this out of my system somewhere and a journal won't do. If it doesn't belong here please delete. My girlfriend and I are in an open relationship. We both agreed on it and I never had any problem with it. But after 4 years of trying I have had zero success while my girlfriend can basically choose. - -And it hurts. It hurts seeing her choose other guys over me. it hurts knowing she'd rather spend time with them than with me. What hurts the most is seeing her being happy, listening to her talking about how exciting it is, how much self-esteem she gained from it, and thus knowing that if I ever tell her that it hurts me, i'll make her sad. And I don't want to make her feel said, even if it means crying myself to sleep while she is having fun with our friend. It's not her issue though. She is always asking beore and afterwards if it is okey, checking in on me and she would stop this instant if I would tell her about any of this. But I know it would still hurt and limit her, losing this part of her life. And I can't and don't want to do that. Because I know that if I loose her, my life would get miserable. I'd most likely stay the rest of my life alone and die alone. I'd lose almost everything positive in my life and I'd rather die than having to live 60 miserable years alone. - -Thanks for putting up with my ridiculous and self inflicted shit, and just remove it if it doesn't belog here.",1,know right place want get system somewhere journal belong please delete girlfriend open relationship agreed never problem year trying zero success girlfriend basically choose hurt hurt seeing choose guy hurt knowing rather spend time hurt seeing happy listening talking exciting much self esteem gained thus knowing ever tell hurt make sad want make feel said even mean cry sleep fun friend issue though always asking beore afterwards okey checking would stop instant would tell know would still hurt limit losing part life want know loose life would get miserable likely stay rest life alone die alone lose almost everything positive life rather die live 0 miserable year alone thanks putting ridiculous self inflicted shit remove belog -"Anyone who also went through a heavy depressive state (not moving around, eating or doing anything etc) know how to get their appetite back? - -Most days I’ll only have one meal and that’ll -be it, but I went to the doctor today and they said I might actually contract an illness as a result of this and would like to get me tested so I kinda wanna start fixing up.",1,anyone also went heavy depressive state moving around eating anything etc know get appetite back day one meal went doctor today said might actually contract illness result would like get tested kinda wan na start fixing -"M22, I've been in a major spiral the last half a year or so with all kinds of major issues coming up all at once. I went to the hospital for SA in January and had to go back only a month later for SH and alcohol abuse on my campus. Usually when I get depressed, however, I get really really sad or destructive towards myself, or I reach for weed or drinks to keep me from thinking about things, but tonight is different. - -I've managed to keep myself from the drink so far tonight and I'm out of edibles so I can't vibe like that, and I'm having my usual spiraling out of control thoughts and feeling incredibly shitty, but I also kind of just feel nothing. Normally I'd be a wreck crying on the floor right now, but I just feel like a hollowed out egg, like my skin is only millimeters thick and the slightest tap will cave me in. I can't emote at all, I feel like I want nothing, not even death rn, just pure nothingness, and it sucks. - -Anyone have any experience with these feelings? Is this some sort of disassociation because I've never had this acute of an experience before. Hopefully someone sees this.",1,major spiral last half year kind major issue coming went hospital sa january go back month later sh alcohol abuse campus usually get depressed however get really really sad destructive towards reach weed drink keep thinking thing tonight different managed keep drink far tonight edible vibe like usual spiraling control thought feeling incredibly shitty also kind feel nothing normally wreck cry floor right feel like hollowed egg like skin millimeter thick slightest tap cave emote feel like want nothing even death rn pure nothingness suck anyone experience feeling sort disassociation never acute experience hopefully someone see -"I feel like nobody really cares if I'm gone. Even my closest friends replaced and forgot about me. I just want to sit in my room and rot. I just want to stop existing. Last night was the worst, I couldn't sleep because I broke down and my head keeps screaming ""I want to die, I want to die, I want to die"". I don't know if I want to ever get better when there's nothing to get better for. - -I even got excited because I got COVID before and thought if it gets worse I could finally die but I just had to get better. It was my one chance to die and I got better. I'm so sick of living. I'm so sick of being abandoned by people I thought cared about me. I just want to be gone and stop existing. It's so painful. It hurts to cry every night and exhaust myself to sleep in that way. Even waking up had me crying. - -I'm just waiting for something to happen to me so I don't have to kill myself instead to save my family from the shame they'd experience if I took my own life instead.",1,feel like nobody really care gone even closest friend replaced forgot want sit room rot want stop existing last night worst sleep broke head keep screaming want die want die want die know want ever get better nothing get better even got excited got covid thought get worse could finally die get better one chance die got better sick living sick abandoned people thought cared want gone stop existing painful hurt cry every night exhaust sleep way even waking cry waiting something happen kill instead save family shame experience took life instead -"So.. I had a really, really rough childhood growing up. My parents were abusive to me, and I lived in an area where I got into a lot of fistfights. Trying to make it to the next day was the hardest battle. I attempted suicide by trying to hang myself when I was 15-16, I think. The attempt failed, however. It left me with some minor brain damage. I have a very difficult time trying to remember things and think about things sometimes. At times, it feels like I can't even read English. It just.. doesn't click with me. I'll sit and stare at it for like, minutes at a time, before I finally understand it. As for the memory issues, I have a difficult time recalling some things that have happened. I will completely forget about something that happened, say, 15 minutes ago, that most people would instantaneously remember. - - -Anyway. So, I've been feeling extremely strange lately. I moved away from my parents after I turned 18, and now I live in a completely different state, and I am doing much better. But I feel like I'm still there. I feel the aura of my childhood house. It felt heavy, if that makes sense. Something keeps weighing me down. I'm also smelling foods that aren't being cooked, foods that I used to eat when I was there. I smelled a very strong scent of DiGiornio's pizza earlier, but nobody here was cooking it. I've also been sleeping in through the day and waking up at night, so this weird feeling is intensified by like.. 10 times. Everything feels so dreamlike and liminal, I can't tell the difference between reality and fiction anymore. Why doesn't anything feel real? Am I wrong to distrust my eyes? - -Has anyone else felt this way? It would bring me great comfort to know that I am not alone.",1,really really rough childhood growing parent abusive lived area got lot fistfight trying make next day hardest battle attempted suicide trying hang think attempt failed however left minor brain damage difficult time trying remember thing think thing sometimes time feel like even read english click sit stare like minute time finally understand memory issue difficult time recalling thing happened completely forget something happened say minute ago people would instantaneously remember anyway feeling extremely strange lately moved away parent turned live completely different state much better feel like still feel aura childhood house felt heavy make sense something keep weighing also smelling food cooked food used eat smelled strong scent digiornio pizza earlier nobody cooking also sleeping day waking night weird feeling intensified like 0 time everything feel dreamlike liminal tell difference reality fiction anymore anything feel real wrong distrust eye anyone else felt way would bring great comfort know alone -"I'm so tired of the inertia of my life. This never going anywhere meaningful for me. I think about all the things I'd love to be doing and grow angry that certain circumstances constrain from doing them. I hate that life is 95% doing things because other people coerce you to do them. I would like to feel like I have agency but you have very little when you're slaving away to just survive. The worst thing is that this bid for survival is artificial and man-made. - -Human beings hate that other humans have free will and must wring the autonomy from each other. They use money and debt to control every aspect of your life. They create laws to tell you what to do with your body, life, and time. I just want to do what I want to do with my finite life. I want to accomplish what I want to accomplish not conform to society's view of materialistic success. I want to live my life unencumbered by other people's stupid judgments. I want to be free - -Edit: I'm sorry if the above is incoherent. I just feel so trapped in my life. So helplessly trapped.",1,tired inertia life never going anywhere meaningful think thing love grow angry certain circumstance constrain hate life 9 thing people coerce would like feel like agency little slaving away survive worst thing bid survival artificial man made human being hate human free must wring autonomy use money debt control every aspect life create law tell body life time want want finite life want accomplish want accomplish conform society view materialistic success want live life unencumbered people stupid judgment want free edit sorry incoherent feel trapped life helplessly trapped -I’m am a 17 year old male and I don’t know if it’s healthy to feel this way. One of my relatives is not feel so well and i myself feel like this have been affected me a lot recently and I also feel like I can’t take all the things at school. I just feel like a total failure and that i will never be anything or get a good job and I feel like the only think I know is that I shan’t to impress my dad but I just feel more shit every time I fail a test I feel like I’m disappointing him more and more.,1,year old male know healthy feel way one relative feel well feel like affected lot recently also feel like take thing school feel like total failure never anything get good job feel like think know impress dad feel shit every time fail test feel like disappointing -"Im falling apart.. bad. I fell from grace and I don’t know where I’m going. - -Where do I begin? - -I’m so insecure. I just got a bad haircut today and I feel ugly. I’m 5’5 and a guy. Im just constantly in pain. - -A little over a month ago my girlfriend left me.. this was on February 18th. I had such a beautiful girlfriend who didn’t care about my height.. she started liking me in high school. I’m starting to feel like I’m giving up. I miss her so much. She treated me like I was a human and now I have no faith in anyone else looking at me like that. She was with me for 3 and a 1/2 years and left me. - -I feel like my life is crumbling. I don’t know how to stand back up and take back over. I had a fall from what I thought would never end. I never thought she would leave me. I’m literally just a pit of despair and I act everyday like I’m not. I go laugh a little, go to class, go to the gym.. It’s all fake. I feel like garbage inside. I went to parties the last 2 weeks and had fun. All fake. My heart has been in my stomach since she broke up with me and I’m seriously falling apart. I don’t know what to do. I can’t even gather my thoughts on here to type. - -What’s the point anymore? I’m barely hanging in there anymore.",1,im falling apart bad fell grace know going begin insecure got bad haircut today feel ugly guy im constantly pain little month ago girlfriend left february th beautiful girlfriend care height started liking high school starting feel like giving miss much treated like human faith anyone else looking like year left feel like life crumbling know stand back take back fall thought would never end never thought would leave literally pit despair act everyday like go laugh little go class go gym fake feel like garbage inside went party last week fun fake heart stomach since broke seriously falling apart know even gather thought type point anymore barely hanging anymore -"I'm 19, male and autistic. I have never had a relationship with anyone, not even a date, i had a few crushes but i'm too shy and socially awkward to act on them, when girls try to flirt or hit on me i miss the signs because my brain doesn't work properly so i accidentaly reject them just to realize what i did a few hours later and get even sadder because i blew another chance, i don't understand how i'm supposed to find a romantic partner but i really want one, i also don't think i would make a good partner. My sex drive is high, every slight mention of anything sex related gives me a semi, i really want to lose my virginity but the idea of being that intimate with another person is terrifying to me, i would have to break so many social boundaries to let anyone get so close to me and i wouldn't be comfortable breaking those boundaries for another person either. I stopped trying to talk about this with people close to me because no one understands, i just wish i didn't have to deal with all these urges i'll never be able to fulfill, i hate my life.",1,9 male autistic never relationship anyone even date crush shy socially awkward act girl try flirt hit miss sign brain work properly accidentaly reject realize hour later get even sadder blew another chance understand supposed find romantic partner really want one also think would make good partner sex drive high every slight mention anything sex related give semi really want lose virginity idea intimate another person terrifying would break many social boundary let anyone get close comfortable breaking boundary another person either stopped trying talk people close one understands wish deal urge never able fulfill hate life -"I feel like I didn't do as much as I should have done in terms of content creation and getting myself out there during 2019 and 2020. I know there's obvious reasons as to why I couldn't do some of this stuff in 2020 but I sometimes get myself really down for not doing certain things i could have done in that time on my own. :( - -I try to comfort myself when I see others who did certain things at my age but sometimes its not enough. I really hate how I feel so disoriented with my age due to not feeling like I did enough/what I was supposed to. - -I'm thinking of trying to see if I can be prescribed anti depressants so I can feel less crappy about myself.",1,feel like much done term content creation getting 0 9 0 0 know obvious reason stuff 0 0 sometimes get really certain thing could done time try comfort see others certain thing age sometimes enough really hate feel disoriented age due feeling like enough supposed thinking trying see prescribed anti depressant feel le crappy -"Bullying has really given me trauma. I have social anxiety because of it. I was bullied in middle school because I was ""ugly"" and I went to a prestigious school so lots of rich kids; I'm poor, and I was bullied for my clothes. I only have 2 friends. I'm starting to hate going to school and want to become a shut-in. It's so unfair. I used to be so confident and social, and now I'm scared of raising my hand in class to use the restroom. I try to make up natural looks for clothes now but I can't do anything about my stupid ugly face. And I wish I had the courage to vent irl, but I just passively wait for someone to ask first.",1,bullying really given trauma social anxiety bullied middle school ugly went prestigious school lot rich kid poor bullied clothes friend starting hate going school want become shut unfair used confident social scared raising hand class use restroom try make natural look clothes anything stupid ugly face wish courage vent irl passively wait someone ask first -"I don’t really feel like I could talk to anyone here about it. I sure as hell don’t have the motivation to get a therapist though it would likely help. Honestly sometimes I wonder how I’m expected to make it so many years. There’s just no way I can afford to smoke enough weed to get through. Even though I graduate in a couple months and move to college, I know it’s not gonna get better. It’s the same but new and Ill just get to relive this hell again. Truthfully I have no hope for the future despite my inability to pull my own plug. I realized, however, I don’t think I could kill myself not anymore. So I’ll just keep sitting here, though I really don’t want to.",1,really feel like could talk anyone sure hell motivation get therapist though would likely help honestly sometimes wonder expected make many year way afford smoke enough weed get even though graduate couple month move college know gon na get better new ill get relive hell truthfully hope future despite inability pull plug realized however think could kill anymore keep sitting though really want -" -It all started a couple years ago when I was 23 about to start a new job. I was lucky and bet that the stock market would go down with the few thousand dollars I made from my internship. Of course this was when Covid was just hitting so I became hugely profitable. From only a couple thousand dollars to $2m in value in only a month. Thinking back on it, I was crazy reckless. I made my first million, and then less than a week later I made my second million. I was feeling incredible, thought I could retire and never have to work again… but like all gamblers I kept putting my money in trying to make more and more. Of course with the risks I was taking eventually it would all come crashing down. - -Fast forward today, I’m now 62k in debt plus another 20k in student loans. On the surface, my friends think I’m hugely successful because I flexed I made $2m to them (didn’t spend a dime though, just kept trying to make more and more). I also make $200k a year (100k salary with the rest as a one time bonus) but only have $2 in my bank account currently. - -I no longer play in the stock market but have recently been doing sports gambling. Of course, I keep losing money on that. There are times that I go on a nice streak, but it’s like every time I lose, I keep trying to make back my losses which makes me do even dumber plays. - -I’m not sure what I’m expecting by writing this, but I feel so embarrassed to tell the people I’m close with. My girlfriend of multiple years knows that I no longer have a lot of money, but don’t know I’m in debt. My parents are super supportive, but I’m too embarrassed to tell them how bad my situation is. - -I guess that’s why I’m writing to a bunch of strangers online. I know my pursuit of trying to make back my money is wrong, but I can’t stop trying to get out of debt. I feel so dumb, it’s like I see a rock in front of me but I keep on tripping over it. - -It feels like I’m slowly unraveling and feeling incredibly hopeless. I can’t sleep thinking about how my life has gone downhill in such a short period of time. My younger self would be straight up embarrassed if he could see me now. I don’t have suicidal thoughts yet but no longer feel the same motivation in life that I used to. If only I never made that money in the first place…",1,started couple year ago start new job lucky bet stock market would go thousand dollar made internship course covid hitting became hugely profitable couple thousand dollar value month thinking back crazy reckless made first million le week later made second million feeling incredible thought could retire never work like gambler kept putting money trying make course risk taking eventually would come crashing fast forward today k debt plus another 0k student loan surface friend think hugely successful flexed made spend dime though kept trying make also make 00k year 00k salary rest one time bonus bank account currently longer play stock market recently sport gambling course keep losing money time go nice streak like every time lose keep trying make back loss make even dumber play sure expecting writing feel embarrassed tell people close girlfriend multiple year know longer lot money know debt parent super supportive embarrassed tell bad situation guess writing bunch stranger online know pursuit trying make back money wrong stop trying get debt feel dumb like see rock front keep tripping feel like slowly unraveling feeling incredibly hopeless sleep thinking life gone downhill short period time younger self would straight embarrassed could see suicidal thought yet longer feel motivation life used never made money first place -"I have been caught in a cycle of depression vs. being hyper active. It is a struggle to stay focused in either of those states of being. Does anyone have a track or a song or even something you made yourself to help get out of this hole? I love music and I need a new sound. - -Please help.",1,caught cycle depression v hyper active struggle stay focused either state anyone track song even something made help get hole love music need new sound please help -"Why do I feel like when I'm about to talk to someone, I always see what am I lacking and how to provide solutions for it and then not going to tell it in the end wtf.",1,feel like talk someone always see lacking provide solution going tell end wtf -I’m really starting to believe my life will not get better I’ve been so sad for so long I don’t see a fkin point…sorry for the rant just really over life and fkin shit people,1,really starting believe life get better sad long see fkin point sorry rant really life fkin shit people -"my entire body hurts. i’m so weak. it took me 15 minutes to finally pick up my phone from my nightstand and type this. i can’t get myself to eat. i’m starving. if the bathroom wasn’t right next to me i’d be having issues. i’m supposed to be doing school. i can’t even think about it right now. i sleep 16 hours a day and spend the rest of it wishing i could sleep more. i feel like i’m captive in my own bed. i look disgusting. i wish i could just die in my sleep, i feel so much pain. this is what hell must feel like. my parents can’t afford to institutionalize me. therapy doesn’t help. my life has no structure. if suicide doesn’t kill me then i’ll die of dehydration or malnutrition. i’m stuck here and left to rot. i need help, my situation is dire but what do i even do at this point honestly. i’ll just kill myself and i’ll no longer be a burden to my family",1,entire body hurt weak took minute finally pick phone nightstand type get eat starving bathroom right next issue supposed school even think right sleep hour day spend rest wishing could sleep feel like captive bed look disgusting wish could die sleep feel much pain hell must feel like parent afford institutionalize therapy help life structure suicide kill die dehydration malnutrition stuck left rot need help situation dire even point honestly kill longer burden family -"I went to a friends wedding with my boyfriend today and had a pretty bad episode. We walked into the venue and I felt fine- ten minutes later I’m having a panic attack in the bathroom. I was mute the entire time, disassociating, I couldn’t eat, I had so much anxiety. We had to leave early & I just felt so embarrassed. My bf is very supportive and understanding, but I still feel guilty and burdensome. I wish I didn’t get hit so hard by the lows",1,went friend wedding boyfriend today pretty bad episode walked venue felt fine ten minute later panic attack bathroom mute entire time disassociating eat much anxiety leave early amp felt embarrassed bf supportive understanding still feel guilty burdensome wish get hit hard low -"Hey everyone. I’ve been a long time reader of this sub and I wanna say first of all that I wish you all the best of life, truly. -I’m writing this in great sadness. -My life isn’t bad. I’ve got a good family, awesome friends, there’s nothing obviously wrong about me, I study, I work. I’m in my early 20s. I’ve made the life for myself that I thought I should and needed to have. The problem is there’s absolutely nothing about my life that makes me happy, that I can say that truly satisfies and fulfills me. About two years ago I decided to made some radical changes in my life. I lost a ton of weight, I started working more on my looks, my social skills, budding up my confidence. I got a job that despite being shitty af has made me somewhat independent financially. I feel like I’ve come so far, like I’ve overcome so much. Yet, right now I’m writing you this in such a deep sadness. I simply feel sad. I feel empty, I feel alone, mostly I feel alone. I feel misunderstood, I feel like I’m out of place, I don’t belong anywhere that I try to go t. I don’t belong to anyone. And it’s been like this every single day for the last years. I feel like I’m going mad. -I’ve tried all I can, and I truly mean this, all that I possible could have done to find even the slightest resemblance of happiness, but I haven’t. Sometimes it feels like I’m finding a way, like I’m finding some light. But then suddenly it all goes away. I’m tired guys. It’s my biggest shame in life to have to admit this, that I somehow find myself in my early 20s saying I don’t have any will to live the many years of life that I still have ahead of me. And yet this is the truth, I’m tired and I don’t want to continue. Not this way at least. Sometimes I wonder why me. Why did it happen to me.",1,hey everyone long time reader sub wan na say first wish best life truly writing great sadness life bad got good family awesome friend nothing obviously wrong study work early 0 made life thought needed problem absolutely nothing life make happy say truly satisfies fulfills two year ago decided made radical change life lost ton weight started working look social skill budding confidence got job despite shitty af made somewhat independent financially feel like come far like overcome much yet right writing deep sadness simply feel sad feel empty feel alone mostly feel alone feel misunderstood feel like place belong anywhere try go belong anyone like every single day last year feel like going mad tried truly mean possible could done find even slightest resemblance happiness sometimes feel like finding way like finding light suddenly go away tired guy biggest shame life admit somehow find early 0 saying live many year life still ahead yet truth tired want continue way least sometimes wonder happen -"I just don't know what to do. I'm too cowardly to just end my life once and for all, but at the same time, I just can't fucking take it anymore. - -I don't get why good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people. - -This world is unfair and bullshit, and the people in it are toxic. - -What should I do?",1,know cowardly end life time fucking take anymore get good thing happen bad people bad thing happen good people world unfair bullshit people toxic -"I’ve been feeling really down recently. Don’t really want to be alive. But I know that if I tell my therapist I am suicidal, she’ll put in me in a psych ward. So while I will tell her I’m sad and depressed and why I’m those things, but I won’t tell her more. - -Don’t really want to be in a ward. Probably won’t try to kill myself if I’m being homest. But don’t want to be alive.",1,feeling really recently really want alive know tell therapist suicidal put psych ward tell sad depressed thing tell really want ward probably try kill homest want alive -I feel hopeless like time is passing by and I'm just here... Useless like nothing i do or say can change a goddamn thing... I'm tired of feeling this way but as soon as I get close to getting out of this hole something reels me right back in... I don't have anyone to share these thoughts with so here I am ... I feel stupid for even posting how I feel like i should have someone to spill this to but i don't ... Stupid pathetic worthless it's all that defines how i feel,1,feel hopeless like time passing useless like nothing say change goddamn thing tired feeling way soon get close getting hole something reel right back anyone share thought feel stupid even posting feel like someone spill stupid pathetic worthless defines feel -"This is a rant: I saw a video about how this one person loves every day of the week for a different reason and I immediately started crying cause I realized I can’t remember the last time I was excited to wake up the next day. I haven’t brushed my teeth in days. My room is absolutely disgusting. The stupidest things make me sad or angry, I got mud on my shoes bawled for 2 hours, dropped and spilt my drink: cried, got a craving for cookies but knew I wouldn’t make them: cried. I feel like every day is a loop. I’m only 14 and I miss school at least once a week and now my mom forces me to go because of my many absences and it’s sooo hard. I feel like a disappointment to my parents because at the beginning of the year (and I always have been) a straight A student in advanced classes now my grades are filled with C’s and D’s even though I’m trying so hard.",1,rant saw video one person love every day week different reason immediately started cry cause realized remember last time excited wake next day brushed teeth day room absolutely disgusting stupidest thing make sad angry got mud shoe bawled hour dropped spilt drink cried got craving cooky knew make cried feel like every day loop miss school least week mom force go many absence sooo hard feel like disappointment parent beginning year always straight student advanced class grade filled c even though trying hard -Like a battery in a remote's back that keeps it working. I wish I could also remove the battery and just turn off for a while.,1,like battery remote back keep working wish could also remove battery turn -This isn’t getting better and I don’t want to be here anymore.,1,getting better want anymore -"Hi. I’ve been focusing on my mental health recently and I think I have depression. Here are my symptoms: - -1. I am constantly irritated. I do not like any human interaction whatsoever. For some reason I just don’t like dealing with other people. This varies from day to day. I don’t know if it’s from past experience but I can’t stand other people physically. - -2. I have no energy. Finding interest in anything is an arduous task for me. I am happy for those close to me that achieve or accomplish something. But I just can’t express it. I notice this because I don’t smile or act happy when it happens. - -3. I have no motivation. I am financially confident but I don’t see the value of my work. I don’t know that to do with the rewards I have earned with work. - -4. I sleep a lot. I probably sleep around 10hrs a day. - -If anyone can explain if I do from past experience or if you are a professional please reply. Thanks.",1,hi focusing mental health recently think depression symptom constantly irritated like human interaction whatsoever reason like dealing people varies day day know past experience stand people physically energy finding interest anything arduous task happy close achieve accomplish something express notice smile act happy happens motivation financially confident see value work know reward earned work sleep lot probably sleep around 0hrs day anyone explain past experience professional please reply thanks -"I just spent a good half of my morning trying to convince myself to get up and go to class, how it is unbelievably stupid that I was and had been skipping all the classes just to lay around in bed practically doing nothing, how my parents and relatives would be disappointed that their money is being wasted on me. Me who don’t know what I want to do, have no idea why I’m even still breathing. All these good reasons to get up and brush my teeth and go to class. And I just pulled my blanket over my head and wait till it was too late. God why am I like this:(",1,spent good half morning trying convince get go class unbelievably stupid skipping class lay around bed practically nothing parent relative would disappointed money wasted know want idea even still breathing good reason get brush teeth go class pulled blanket head wait till late god like -my first appointment is on saturday but i can’t fucking wait this out it’s only two more days i need fucking help but it’s over a fucking zoom call and i really cannot keep going on anymore i need help so bad i don’t feel comfortable talking to anybody else fuck this should i just die already i can’t keep waking up anymore,1,first appointment saturday fucking wait two day need fucking help fucking zoom call really keep going anymore need help bad feel comfortable talking anybody else fuck die already keep waking anymore -"Just curious. I've been prescribed psychiatric medications my whole life and not a single one has ever worked for me. The best it could do is make me tired. But in every other case, it either did nothing or did something, but not in a good way. For example Adderall and Zoloft. When I took Adderall routinely in 2019 I became malnourished because it killed my appetite and my teeth started breaking, I developed clubbing on my fingertips and I was manic, depressed, suicidal, irate, pissed off, anxious, scared and stressed the fuck out constantly every single day for 9 months straight with little to no breaks whatsoever from March - December 2019. Zoloft made me sick as a dog that one morning I took it on an empty stomach. There was other stuff I didn't like too, like Trazodone which I started taking when it first came out and it was like a huge Trapezoid shaped pill that was painful to swallow (although they later changed this) which made me uncomfortably tired as if I were being tranquilized, then Risperdal which made me have weird thoughts and grow tits and another one that was really bad was Rexulti which was rather new and experimental at the time I took it and after taking one of them I experienced full-blown psychosis. Depakote did nothing for me whatsoever and Clonidine made me a zombie when I first started taking it and all Remeron does is made me tired. I was actually given a DNA test by my old doctor and she found that hardly ANY psychiatric medication of any sort (including antidepressants and antipsychotics) would work given my chemistry, but she did find that I was very receptive to cannabinoids. The only psych med that ever made me feel good was Thorazine I took at a psychiatric intake when I was upset and it kinda made me feel stoned from the best of my memory, but then again I only took it one time. The ONLY medication that has ever worked for me is Marijuana/hemp (like the Delta Ape blunts that are 21% Delta 8, 9 and 10 THC because Delta 9 even in hemp is still controlled with no more than 0.3% allowed in a product since it is the psychoactive component in regular cannabis that gets you ""too high"" and causes all that trippy paranoia shit you usually get off stronger stuff, and even then this has only been legal since 2018). I've noticed that weed not only uplifts my mood when I'm on it but even after it makes me happy and improves my mental state in the long-term. The only times when I'm not happy is when I'm dry. You're not you when you're sober. No amount of chemicals in a lab is going to fix that.",1,curious prescribed psychiatric medication whole life single one ever worked best could make tired every case either nothing something good way example adderall zoloft took adderall routinely 0 9 became malnourished killed appetite teeth started breaking developed clubbing fingertip manic depressed suicidal irate pissed anxious scared stressed fuck constantly every single day 9 month straight little break whatsoever march december 0 9 zoloft made sick dog one morning took empty stomach stuff like like trazodone started taking first came like huge trapezoid shaped pill painful swallow although later changed made uncomfortably tired tranquilized risperdal made weird thought grow tit another one really bad rexulti rather new experimental time took taking one experienced full blown psychosis depakote nothing whatsoever clonidine made zombie first started taking remeron made tired actually given dna test old doctor found hardly psychiatric medication sort including antidepressant antipsychotic would work given chemistry find receptive cannabinoids psych med ever made feel good thorazine took psychiatric intake upset kinda made feel stoned best memory took one time medication ever worked marijuana hemp like delta ape blunts delta 9 0 thc delta 9 even hemp still controlled 0 allowed product since psychoactive component regular cannabis get high cause trippy paranoia shit usually get stronger stuff even legal since 0 noticed weed uplift mood even make happy improves mental state long term time happy dry sober amount chemical lab going fix -"I started Seroquel 3 weeks ago, and I don’t feel like myself. All I want to do is sleep. I work 3 16 hour shifts a week and it’s all I can do to get through them. I keep reminding myself I can’t quit because I need my health insurance so I can get my antidepressants. I’m so tired. My parents deserve a better daughter, my friends deserve a better friend, my boyfriend deserves a better girlfriend.",1,started seroquel week ago feel like want sleep work hour shift week get keep reminding quit need health insurance get antidepressant tired parent deserve better daughter friend deserve better friend boyfriend deserves better girlfriend -I can’t take it anymore.,1,take anymore -"Lately I've been feeling like I want to go to meetings, like AA but with people struggling with depression or people that defeated it, I don't know if this exist anywhere in the world, I just know that it doesn't exists in my city. Have anyone experienced this? If so, can you tell me how is it like? I feel like I have a lot to share but it's not necessarily ""good"" or ""I'm feeling better"" and don't get me wrong, im in therapy but I just feel like I have to share more and with people who's living the same thing",1,lately feeling like want go meeting like aa people struggling depression people defeated know exist anywhere world know exists city anyone experienced tell like feel like lot share necessarily good feeling better get wrong im therapy feel like share people living thing -But telling them im not will just make them worry. They got their own Problems. Dont need mine too.,1,telling im make worry got problem dont need mine -"Of everything... - -Hating being alive, hating myself, being bitter and lonely. - -I see it only getting worse, I want to just die",1,everything hating alive hating bitter lonely see getting worse want die -I already called in yesterday for work...I was up all night...laying here just awake...counting down the hours to work...was so exhausted by the time work came around that I called in...and even then I couldn't sleep...it's now 10 pm and I've gotten under an hour of sleep in the last 40 hrs...I'm starting to worry a bit. This month has been so hard for me...I literally almost walked into traffic on the way to work last week...been crying so much...I'm so alone and it really scares me because I'm going through all of this by myself,1,already called yesterday work night laying awake counting hour work exhausted time work came around called even sleep 0 pm gotten hour sleep last 0 hr starting worry bit month hard literally almost walked traffic way work last week cry much alone really scare going -"Being a short man in America is terrible. It is terrible how we r treated in the dating world for something we can’t change. People say oh well suck it up but they don’t know how it feels to watch your crush in hs laugh u off as u ask her to prom to just go out with the tall D1 football kid, I’ve honestly thought of ending it all at this point because there’s no point in living this life, I don’t even want to have kids, if they end up being short this cruel world will just chew them up and spit them out. :(",1,short man america terrible terrible r treated dating world something change people say oh well suck know feel watch crush h laugh u u ask prom go tall football kid honestly thought ending point point living life even want kid end short cruel world chew spit -"I need friends. I am so sad and lonely. - -Please help.",1,need friend sad lonely please help -"I'm so bored with life I know it's not worth living. I don't have anyone to hang out with or do things with so all I do is go to work and stay home. I'm an adventurous, outdoorsy and outgoing person and love getting out there and doing things but I have no transportation and don't know how to ride a bike. I can barely afford to take Lyft and Uber to work and back home. My life has no excitement to it and there is nothing interesting about it. Everything is pointless. Like I work in a grocery store as an order picker, for example and what's the point of helping people shop for groceries they are going to need again the next week?? It's the same thing day after day and week after week. It's all pointless. What we do today won't matter in a month or year. I'm just done with this whole life thing. Sometimes I get legitimately pissed off for the simple fact that I was even born and not aborted. I wish every day my birth mom aborted me. Now I'm just a worthless sack of shit taking up space and sucking up air. I have tried making my life worth living by moving to a warmer climate, getting a better job and starting my own business but the excitement of it all wears off. Everything turned out to be a flop. I can't do anything right since I don't belong here. I firmly believe my existence is an accident, not they type of accident of an unplanned pregnancy but like I was never meant to exist type of accident. I realized a long time ago I don't belong in this world and I honestly don't want to be a part of it anymore.",1,bored life know worth living anyone hang thing go work stay home adventurous outdoorsy outgoing person love getting thing transportation know ride bike barely afford take lyft uber work back home life excitement nothing interesting everything pointless like work grocery store order picker example point helping people shop grocery going need next week thing day day week week pointless today matter month year done whole life thing sometimes get legitimately pissed simple fact even born aborted wish every day birth mom aborted worthless sack shit taking space sucking air tried making life worth living moving warmer climate getting better job starting business excitement wear everything turned flop anything right since belong firmly believe existence accident type accident unplanned pregnancy like never meant exist type accident realized long time ago belong world honestly want part anymore -" -someone pls tell me how to get over this!! - -i’m currently nearly 17. so i’ve known this guy for 3 years, met him early 2019. i know this sounds stupid af but i met him online on minecraft when i was nearly 14 (so i was 13) and at that time my sister had attempted suicide multiple times, i had no friends at school and didn’t go outside for weeks (it was school summer holidays). i spent all my time playing minecraft with him on call and would message him all night/ when i wasn’t playing the game. (he’s also american and i’m british) - -went back to school and had like 1 friend and carried on talking to him. he started to like me and told me that but i literally did not like him at all and wanted to just be friends as i thought dating online was weird. anyway we ended up stopping talking as i moved on with my life, made more friends at school and started being a normal teen with a ‘normal life’ (boys etc.). probably around early 2020 i started talking to him again as i messaged him on instagram. we spoke for a day then wouldn’t talk for 3 or so and this went on for a few months. then we stopped talking completely. novemeber 2020 i dropped out on school in year 10 due to mental health issues and was really at my lowest point. i started talking to him again (btw i barely remember anything from 2020 bc i think my mental health just f*cked up my brain). we spoke for hours every night and day. i’m just adding that he’s hispanic, he skates, his voice is so nice and he’s literally my entire type. anyway we talked and talked and we both ‘fell in love’. he made me feel like a person. he made me feel like everything. i felt like nothing for so long and like i didn’t belong and nothing made me happy and he just fixed everything. - -me being me i would cause arguments with him when he didn’t reply within like 10 minutes which ik was so wrong of me to do. i ruined everything by just keep going on at him for being ‘dry’ etc because i was so scared he would fall out of love with me. he started being distant with me and talking to me less and not being like he used to be. it really upset me. what i mean by that is i would not eat i would not sleep i would stalk everything he was doing. i ended up getting blocked by him on absolutely everything (even spotify 😭). it ruined me. i made new accounts to get unblocked and the whole talking for ages, him being dry, getting blocked repeated about 5 times up until now. he doesn’t love me anymore, he told me. he was all i ever wanted in a person. last time i was blocked it was for about 2-3 months. life was pointless without him. he’s just some guy online who could be doing whatever and i wouldn’t know because i live thousands of miles from him, but i love him. i don’t know why but i have this obsession with him. i don’t even think it’s love anymore. he is on my mind 24/7 with no exaggeration. everytime someone mentions his name i smile and get butterflies. i don’t want to be here anymore if he isn’t in my life. his mood affects my mood. i’m currently still talking to him but he’s dry which makes me feel so depressed. sometimes i think he has a love spell on me or some shit 😭. hes changed. he used to be so nice and innocent then he went to high school and smokes weed and talks differently and treats me like i’m just there, like i’m not a person. - -anyway. when i’m talking to him and he’s dry i don’t want to talk to him anymore. when i don’t talk to him i want to literally die. it’s a cycle i’m never going to get out of. please don’t tell me to ‘meet someone new’ because i’ve already tried that. i started meeting guys to try and get over him but he’s always in my head. with everything i do he’s already in my mind and i can never let him go. he doesn’t care if i don’t talk to him anymore he’s only staying because he probably feels like he has to. no one else can compare to him. i don’t know why i’m like this and i hate myself for it. i hate myself and he’s the only one to make it okay. :( pls help i know i’m young but it’s messing with my head",1,someone pls tell get currently nearly known guy year met early 0 9 know sound stupid af met online minecraft nearly time sister attempted suicide multiple time friend school go outside week school summer holiday spent time playing minecraft call would message night playing game also american british went back school like friend carried talking started like told literally like wanted friend thought dating online weird anyway ended stopping talking moved life made friend school started normal teen normal life boy etc probably around early 0 0 started talking messaged instagram spoke day talk went month stopped talking completely novemeber 0 0 dropped school year 0 due mental health issue really lowest point started talking btw barely remember anything 0 0 bc think mental health f cked brain spoke hour every night day adding hispanic skate voice nice literally entire type anyway talked talked fell love made feel like person made feel like everything felt like nothing long like belong nothing made happy fixed everything would cause argument reply within like 0 minute ik wrong ruined everything keep going dry etc scared would fall love started distant talking le like used really upset mean would eat would sleep would stalk everything ended getting blocked absolutely everything even spotify ruined made new account get unblocked whole talking age dry getting blocked repeated time love anymore told ever wanted person last time blocked month life pointless without guy online could whatever know live thousand mile love know obsession even think love anymore mind exaggeration everytime someone mention name smile get butterfly want anymore life mood affect mood currently still talking dry make feel depressed sometimes think love spell shit he changed used nice innocent went high school smoke weed talk differently treat like like person anyway talking dry want talk anymore talk want literally die cycle never going get please tell meet someone new already tried started meeting guy try get always head everything already mind never let go care talk anymore staying probably feel like one else compare know like hate hate one make okay pls help know young messing head -"Can anyone help me out with this? It's been years since I have these thoughts flying inside my head, and I genuinely don't know how I am still alive. Sometimes, when I'm driving, I think about crashing my car; other times, I think about having an overdose or jumping off a cliff. I don't know what's wrong with me, I don't really have any reasons to be sad or anything, the traumas I dealt with I overcame them, so I don't know what's happening. These intrusive thoughts hunt me, I don't know why I am not depressed nor do I feel down/sad and i really mean this, I don't know where this all comes from. - -Please be kind.",1,anyone help year since thought flying inside head genuinely know still alive sometimes driving think crashing car time think overdose jumping cliff know wrong really reason sad anything trauma dealt overcame know happening intrusive thought hunt know depressed feel sad really mean know come please kind -"Throwaway account for privacy reasons. - -I just graduated with an advanced degree and got into job search. I've been struggling with depression for years, and I think at first it was the high-functioning kind, but in the last few years it seemed to have turned to the demotivational kind of depression. I'm tired all the time, and I always pick the easy things to do: easy entertainment (watch things mindlessly), easy way to go to sleep (scroll on my phone until I'm too tired to stay awake), etc. It comes and goes in waves, too. Sometimes I'd get the energy to do things or to do something along the lines of self-improvement. Other times, I would just want to sleep. - -I've learned that some things trigger depressive episodes much faster than others, but I'm not sure how to let these triggers pass without the episode full-on hitting me. For instance, one of the triggers is a perceived sense of being excluded from things or being ""rejected"" or being shown or told that I'm not good enough. Can you tell that I suffer from an inferiority complex? Anyway, today, that trigger came from one of my tennis-group friends, who wanted to set up a play session every two weeks for advanced players in our amateur tennis group. This doesn't conflict with any of our other scheduled play sessions, and I know that I'm not good enough to be in the advanced group. All of my tennis friends are good people, and I know that there's always going to be room in the advanced group for people who improve and get to that level. Even knowing all this, I got so depressed over the span of about 3 minutes that I just stopped functioning. I think that since this group of friends has been my only real support for the last few years, anything that happens in the group that I see as a rejection of myself just instantly takes me down. Now that I'm in the middle of it, it feels like the only thing I can do is wait for it to pass, because ""talking out of it"" or ""building myself up"" don't work when all I can think about is how I've failed everything and that I've never and will never live up to anyone's standards, including my own. - -Sorry for the long selfish post - I'm struggling daily with Imposter Syndrome and a sense of inadequacy. The trigger just happened to be this particular thing today.",1,throwaway account privacy reason graduated advanced degree got job search struggling depression year think first high functioning kind last year seemed turned demotivational kind depression tired time always pick easy thing easy entertainment watch thing mindlessly easy way go sleep scroll phone tired stay awake etc come go wave sometimes get energy thing something along line self improvement time would want sleep learned thing trigger depressive episode much faster others sure let trigger pas without episode full hitting instance one trigger perceived sense excluded thing rejected shown told good enough tell suffer inferiority complex anyway today trigger came one tennis group friend wanted set play session every two week advanced player amateur tennis group conflict scheduled play session know good enough advanced group tennis friend good people know always going room advanced group people improve get level even knowing got depressed span minute stopped functioning think since group friend real support last year anything happens group see rejection instantly take middle feel like thing wait pas talking building work think failed everything never never live anyone standard including sorry long selfish post struggling daily imposter syndrome sense inadequacy trigger happened particular thing today -"I live at home, and I love my parents but I’m beginning to spiral. - -After an incident 8 months ago I’ve been profoundly depressed and stressed out, I was renting but moved back home to save money while trying to get myself back in order. -Especially because my meds stopped working. - -I’m an only child and my parents have no friends, so, now that I’m back home all they want to do is constantly talk to me. - -I already have poor sleep as it is, but it could be 5am and my dad will shake me awake to talk about a car, or his work day- -Or my mom will come in and talk to me about my finances or why I never talk to her about my mental health. -One time recently I had been woken up so abruptly I could feel my entire nervous system jolt like I had been struck by lighting. -Even thinking about it makes my entire body randomly hurt. -I never get to be alone anymore, I try to get alone time but I never get it for more than a couple hours at an time. - -Bc of the sleep deprivation I hallucinate now, I hear and see things. -I honestly wish somthing would happen to me and it would just all end. -Life’s so stressful and the little things aren’t fun anymore. -I hate myself I hate everything I used to love. -Nothings fun anymore. -What’s the fucking point.",1,live home love parent beginning spiral incident month ago profoundly depressed stressed renting moved back home save money trying get back order especially med stopped working child parent friend back home want constantly talk already poor sleep could dad shake awake talk car work day mom come talk finance never talk mental health one time recently woken abruptly could feel entire nervous system jolt like struck lighting even thinking make entire body randomly hurt never get alone anymore try get alone time never get couple hour time bc sleep deprivation hallucinate hear see thing honestly wish somthing would happen would end life stressful little thing fun anymore hate hate everything used love nothing fun anymore fucking point -"So I (24m) have been feeling down rather often the last few years, but these last few month im feeling constantly down. My life just feels stuck. Everyday when my alarm rings i just cant get out of bed, even tho i usually sleep for 8 hours or so. I end up laying in bed for 1, 2 or 3 hours, thinking about how shitty my life is and how i dont make progress at all. I also get suicidal thoughts alot, even tho i dont have any intention to harm myself in any way. I dont want to die, but smh my brain doesnt get that. - -So yesterday i decided to finally get help and call my doc for an appointment. Before making that call i sat there and stared at the number, contemplating if i really wanted to do this. I made a list and wrote down reasons why i want to get help and reasons why i dont. Everything just pointed to me making that call and after 2 hours i finally pressed call. - -So then i was on the phone with a woman at my doctors office. I told her with a kinda shaky voice that i would like an appointment. She asked what it was about and i told her that i felt rather bad lately had trouble sleeping and am feeling tired alot(i didnt feel comfortable sharing that i feel depressed). She said she doesnt have a free spot in the next few weeks and told me i should come in without an appointment on thursday or friday. - -So now im here without an appointment contemplating if i should actually go there tomorrow. It kinda sucks, that im in the situation before the phonecall again, where i have to make that decision to get help. -Im so nervous about getting help. I dont know what i should even say. I dont know how to talk about my feelings. I dont even know if ill make it out of bed tonorrow, before the doctors office closes. - -Im so afraid about revealing this about me, but i dont think i can pull myself out of this without help. Can someone maybe give me some kind words and share their experiences with finally opening up, so my anxiety about this comes to an ease?",1,feeling rather often last year last month im feeling constantly life feel stuck everyday alarm ring cant get bed even tho usually sleep hour end laying bed hour thinking shitty life dont make progress also get suicidal thought alot even tho dont intention harm way dont want die smh brain doesnt get yesterday decided finally get help call doc appointment making call sat stared number contemplating really wanted made list wrote reason want get help reason dont everything pointed making call hour finally pressed call phone woman doctor office told kinda shaky voice would like appointment asked told felt rather bad lately trouble sleeping feeling tired alot didnt feel comfortable sharing feel depressed said doesnt free spot next week told come without appointment thursday friday im without appointment contemplating actually go tomorrow kinda suck im situation phonecall make decision get help im nervous getting help dont know even say dont know talk feeling dont even know ill make bed tonorrow doctor office close im afraid revealing dont think pull without help someone maybe give kind word share experience finally opening anxiety come ease -"So I've been working really hard this last year on overcoming MDD, agoraphobia, and social issues. Over the last 2 years, I've gone from making it out of the house for 1-2 hours a month(long enough to go to the doctor and grocery shopping) to managing 6-10 hours a week. I'm still working up to doing things on successive days, it usually takes a day or so to recover otherwise things start getting rough, but it's significantly better than before. - -(Not advocating this approach, it's what worked for me and may not work for others. I had a lot of sensitivity to what was being prescribed and it was causing more harm than good. Talk with a professional before doing anything medication related). Part of what seemed to help was getting away from medications. Over 6 years we tried 14 or so different things and it just didn't work well. Now the hardest thing I do is caffeine and multivitamins.( There is a noticable difference in energy levels and depression if I go more than a few days without vitamins, so if you aren't taking any you may want to look into them). - -I had been pushing things the last couple months, and was starting to have burnout issues. It was hard not to as I felt like I was starting to break through things. I'm working at a different approach now, just going until I start to feel uncomfortable and stopping if it's feasible, rather than pushing until I have a full panic episode. I'm not getting as much done every day, but so far I'm starting each day more consistently. Its a little difficult stopping when I feel like I can keep going, but I'm hopeful that the better consistency will be more productive in the long term. - -As bad as things were a couple years ago to where they are now gives me hope for others too. I was going to bed praying for death and cursing every morning I woke up. I have hope and have truly started to love myself. If you're going through a hard time, things can get better! - -Love You All, take care and be well!!!",1,working really hard last year overcoming mdd agoraphobia social issue last year gone making house hour month long enough go doctor grocery shopping managing 0 hour week still working thing successive day usually take day recover otherwise thing start getting rough significantly better advocating approach worked may work others lot sensitivity prescribed causing harm good talk professional anything medication related part seemed help getting away medication year tried different thing work well hardest thing caffeine multivitamin noticable difference energy level depression go day without vitamin taking may want look pushing thing last couple month starting burnout issue hard felt like starting break thing working different approach going start feel uncomfortable stopping feasible rather pushing full panic episode getting much done every day far starting day consistently little difficult stopping feel like keep going hopeful better consistency productive long term bad thing couple year ago give hope others going bed praying death cursing every morning woke hope truly started love going hard time thing get better love take care well -"Can your job fire you if you attend an Intensive Outpatient Program and need to work part time while you attend? My therapist and psychiatrist said they would not be able to, but my therapist wasn’t entirely sure.",1,job fire attend intensive outpatient program need work part time attend therapist psychiatrist said would able therapist entirely sure -"For the last 30ish or so years, I've spent most of my days wishing I was never born. My first suicide attempt was when I was in 2nd grade. I held a giant kitchen knife to my heart and stood in my kitchen daring myself to fall over, and honestly if it weren't for the pain it would've caused my parents, I wish I had. - - -Nothing has any meaning at all for me anymore, and honestly never has. I'm afraid all the time. I feel like complete shit. My anxiety has gotten so bad I can no longer work, which was the only way I ever contributed anything. I hate myself. I hate myself so much, if I could go back in time I would shove that knife so far into my heart without a second thought. I wish I had the strength to take myself out of the picture, but accomplishing anything has never been my strong suit. - -My wife just asked me if she could get me anything and the first thing that popped into my head was ""A gun and 1 hollow point bullet"", but I'm too weak to even take that step. - - -I have stage 5 kidney disease. I can't work, I feel like garbage all the fucking time. Last year I passed out and broke my face. I can't stop thinking about blacking out like that again and never waking up. I fantasize about it every day. - -I'm a burden to everyone around me, and if it wasn't for my son and the fact that I'm incapable of accomplishing simple tasks anymore I would totally take myself out. - -I have friends, but none that I feel like I can talk to about this. I'm so alone. I can't do this anymore. - - -I'm seeing therapists, I've gone to partial hospitalization for anxiety, nothing will work though because I'm totally broken and unfixable. I'm not worth fixing, nor do I know how. - - -I haven't done anything terrible to anyone or ever hurt anyone. My life is just empty and it always has been. A blackhole of worthlessness that takes all the joy fun and cheer out of a room, splits it a part and makes it completely unrecognizable. I'm the worst person I know personally. Everything just feels so hard. - - -My wife just told me today that we have a meeting with social security for disability benefits tomorrow, and there was some paperwork that needed to be handled. I completely lost it. For 50 minutes after she told me that I couldn't stop thinking about ways to kill myself before the meeting tomorrow. I'm so not ok and not being around anymore would definitely be better than existing as I currently am. - -&#x200B; - -sorry this is a rambling mess. I'm really fucked up right now and I just needed to get this off my chest. I'm not going to actually kill myself, that is waaaaay more effort than I currently have energy for.",1,last 0ish year spent day wishing never born first suicide attempt nd grade held giant kitchen knife heart stood kitchen daring fall honestly pain would caused parent wish nothing meaning anymore honestly never afraid time feel like complete shit anxiety gotten bad longer work way ever contributed anything hate hate much could go back time would shove knife far heart without second thought wish strength take picture accomplishing anything never strong suit wife asked could get anything first thing popped head gun hollow point bullet weak even take step stage kidney disease work feel like garbage fucking time last year passed broke face stop thinking blacking like never waking fantasize every day burden everyone around son fact incapable accomplishing simple task anymore would totally take friend none feel like talk alone anymore seeing therapist gone partial hospitalization anxiety nothing work though totally broken unfixable worth fixing know done anything terrible anyone ever hurt anyone life empty always blackhole worthlessness take joy fun cheer room split part make completely unrecognizable worst person know personally everything feel hard wife told today meeting social security disability benefit tomorrow paperwork needed handled completely lost 0 minute told stop thinking way kill meeting tomorrow ok around anymore would definitely better existing currently amp x 00b sorry rambling mess really fucked right needed get chest going actually kill waaaaay effort currently energy -"I am 30. Married 8 years this October, and a four year old about to start school. -None of this matters when I'm expected to pick up the slack for my family and their failings. - -My sister was diagnosed with schizophrenia. My parents have no idea how to deal with it, having lived with chronic depression their entire lives and relying on faith to get them through. She's refusing treatment, medication and in denial of her condition. It's a constant cycle of her being unstable, hospitalized until shes able to manipulate the doctors that she's okay and goes home to torment us. - -My brother is leaving his military job after 16 years and freaking out because he doesn't think he'll survive as a civilian. I'm fairly certain he has his own mental issues, stemming from way back but he's also just barnacled on to me for guidance. - -I wanted to kill myself. I was about to. And I called and got help, and I've been on medication for 4 years. I struggled with alcoholism in my early 20s and decided to stay sober for my daughter. And I'm finding it hard to hang on with all of this going on. I'm finding it hard to help people who don't want to help themselves but if I don't, then everything just goes to hell. And I'm the one to blame because I'm the smart one and have to guide everyone where they're supposed to go. - -It's exhausting having to care for people who refuse to accept they have issues. I feel like I'm being punished for being the only one in my family for having had the fortitude to acknowledge my mental illness. It's taking a toll on my marriage, and I am scared of the consequences of what that would entail. I worry for my child, because if I can't take care of myself, then I can't take care of her. - -I'm staring at the same abyss that was before me those 4 years ago when I was spiraling. And I don't want to be here again. -Anyway, thanks for hearing me out, Reddit. I just needed to verbalize it to make sure I'm not just imagining it all.",1,0 married year october four year old start school none matter expected pick slack family failing sister diagnosed schizophrenia parent idea deal lived chronic depression entire life relying faith get refusing treatment medication denial condition constant cycle unstable hospitalized shes able manipulate doctor okay go home torment u brother leaving military job year freaking think survive civilian fairly certain mental issue stemming way back also barnacled guidance wanted kill called got help medication year struggled alcoholism early 0 decided stay sober daughter finding hard hang going finding hard help people want help everything go hell one blame smart one guide everyone supposed go exhausting care people refuse accept issue feel like punished one family fortitude acknowledge mental illness taking toll marriage scared consequence would entail worry child take care take care staring abyss year ago spiraling want anyway thanks hearing reddit needed verbalize make sure imagining -"For the last 5 weeks my mental health had been in a good place but I recently got some bad news and I already can feel myself spiralling like crazy, what are some good ways to ground myself? - -I have tried breathing techniques and I am on some medication, for the first time in my life I have the urge to get a bottle of vodka and drink it I just want to be sitting at my desk happy and laughing and maybe this will help - -Sorry about the formatting I have an injured hand at the moment",1,last week mental health good place recently got bad news already feel spiralling like crazy good way ground tried breathing technique medication first time life urge get bottle vodka drink want sitting desk happy laughing maybe help sorry formatting injured hand moment -"I know, vain reason to be depressed. But I've been so rejected all my life, that it would be good to know if somebody remembers me.",1,know vain reason depressed rejected life would good know somebody remembers -"I’ve just had enough of everything I don’t know what to do anymore or who to talk to. I tried to end my life twice through overdose and that didn’t work. I have episodes where I just don’t want to be here anymore I get agitated and it doesn’t matter what anyone says or does it doesn’t make it any better. I fear that I will have an episode of contemplating suicide and I’ll just jump off a bridge it’s like my mind takes over and I don’t think of anyone else. My last resort is sectioning and I know what it’s like (I live in UK), but I feel like that would be the safest environment for me where I can focus on getting better without having that constant worry of ending my life. - -Can anyone provide any advice at all I would appreciate it. I just feel like my life is so pointless growing up with a disability, being bullied, always feeling different to everyone else, childhood trauma and now having a constant battle everyday with my mental health. I try to get on with life but I always feel like it would be better if I wasn’t here.",1,enough everything know anymore talk tried end life twice overdose work episode want anymore get agitated matter anyone say make better fear episode contemplating suicide jump bridge like mind take think anyone else last resort sectioning know like live uk feel like would safest environment focus getting better without constant worry ending life anyone provide advice would appreciate feel like life pointless growing disability bullied always feeling different everyone else childhood trauma constant battle everyday mental health try get life always feel like would better -I wish things were different in life. I’m just a useless piece of shit that deserves to die. I deserve all the pain I’m about to receive. That’s just the way it is.,1,wish thing different life useless piece shit deserves die deserve pain receive way -"I feel completely exhausted, my life isn’t going anywhere and I’ve got nobody to turn to.",1,feel completely exhausted life going anywhere got nobody turn -"I am struggling with depression for about a year now. It makes me do things I don't want to do, I've lost a good friend, that I've known over 5 years, because my mind told me to hate him (I started calling him names and told him that I want this friendship to end). I apologized so many times, explained everything and tried to stay in contact, but now we just go our ways. -My best friend knows about my depression and always supports me, but today they started arguing with me. I think they are getting sick of me. My mind tells me to hate them too, but I (luckily) can't bring myself to cut them off. -My body is very often freezing, I'm sometimes even heavily shaking because of this. Idk why. Is this related to my depression? -My suicidal thoughts are getting worse. I don't really want to die, but I don't want to live either. Wait no I DO want to die but I am too afraid of failing an attempt and having to live with the injuries I might get. -Does anyone else have these problems? Does anyone know how to deal with this? -Also, does anyone wanna talk? I feel lonely and I don't want to bother my friend..",1,struggling depression year make thing want lost good friend known year mind told hate started calling name told want friendship end apologized many time explained everything tried stay contact go way best friend know depression always support today started arguing think getting sick mind tell hate luckily bring cut body often freezing sometimes even heavily shaking idk related depression suicidal thought getting worse really want die want live either wait want die afraid failing attempt live injury might get anyone else problem anyone know deal also anyone wan na talk feel lonely want bother friend -"I spent my whole life being bullied by everyone including biological family. Now I'm.an adult and I'm forced to make money quick and the only way in my situation is college and a job. - -I don't wanna spend my.whole working and being bullied at home. That's not my life anymore. - -I want the freedom of death. I considered it years ago but now it's the real thing. I gotta make the decision now and I'm just thinking about how relieving it would be realize the knife is already in too deep and there's no going back. The only thing that matters now is nothing and that's how it'll always be. - -I really really really want that so bad. Especially now when I realized I can't wait out my pain any longer.",1,spent whole life bullied everyone including biological family adult forced make money quick way situation college job wan na spend whole working bullied home life anymore want freedom death considered year ago real thing got ta make decision thinking relieving would realize knife already deep going back thing matter nothing always really really really want bad especially realized wait pain longer -"Yeah I know most people probably see all this as a joke but I’ve seriously got no friends or anyone to talk or turn to. It’s seriously bringing me down even more, it’s as if I’m not even good enough for an online friendship. My depression makes me feel so isolated and lonely in life and I’m sick of it.",1,yeah know people probably see joke seriously got friend anyone talk turn seriously bringing even even good enough online friendship depression make feel isolated lonely life sick -I’m just a complete mess right now.,1,complete mess right -"I have rewritten this post a hundred times and I have lurked this page trying to build up the courage to write my own. I don’t even care if anyone reads this but I need to just finally get it off my chest as I have no one to confide in. - -Due to my career, if I get help for my mental health I am basically saying goodbye to everything I have been working towards. But I can’t take it anymore. Everyday I pretend to be the picture perfect person who only feels happiness. I hide how I am truly feeling and it has become so exhausting to just get out of bed everyday. My whole life has been filled with abandonment and people who have only used me for their own personal gain. No one has ever truly cared for me, not even my so called family. I have isolated myself from everyone around me to prevent any further pain. In doing this, I have isolated myself from feeling any emotion at all. - -I’ve tried working through my abandonment issues and began to let people in and trust more just for them to show me exactly why I cut everyone out to begin with. I am always alone and I feel as though I am no longer living. I am just here taking up space and air. I have felt this way for long that I don’t even know if I have any real emotions anymore. I don’t know what to do… I just want to feel something again.",1,rewritten post hundred time lurked page trying build courage write even care anyone read need finally get chest one confide due career get help mental health basically saying goodbye everything working towards take anymore everyday pretend picture perfect person feel happiness hide truly feeling become exhausting get bed everyday whole life filled abandonment people used personal gain one ever truly cared even called family isolated everyone around prevent pain isolated feeling emotion tried working abandonment issue began let people trust show exactly cut everyone begin always alone feel though longer living taking space air felt way long even know real emotion anymore know want feel something -Why do I Feel Worthless,1,feel worthless -"im 14 y/o my mom died when i was 9, and ever since then ive had no motivation to do anything. I used to be into sports a lot, (football, baseball, basketball, track) and i was pretty good at it too, but ever since my mom passed.. i just cant seem to be happy fr. people always ask me why i gave up, why my grades went down, why im not how i was 5 years ago. When i go to school im a pretty popular person, and i'd like to think im a pretty funny person and fun person to be around, but when i get home im alone.. just me and my thoughts and its literally killing me. Ive thought about killing myself multiple times and im sure the only reason i haven't is because i couldn't put my father through that...please give me some type of advice, i honestly dont think i can do this any longer. - -&#x200B; - -i posted this under a different subreddit about two weeks ago, i took the advice people gave to me and it didint work. everything just feels like it wont get better ; no matter how hard i try. i genuinely feel like theres no escape and that killing myself is the best option. people always say ""oh you need to do what would make your mother happy""... okay and what about what makes me happy, i wanna play sports AGAIN SO BADLY but my dads to scared to let me because he doesn't want me to lose sight in my other eye. to be honest football, basketball, and baseball where some of the only things that made me happy, and now that i cant play them it just makes everything worse. i just miss my mom, she was the only person that made me happy really, and i really didnt even get that much time with her.",1,im mom died 9 ever since ive motivation anything used sport lot football baseball basketball track pretty good ever since mom passed cant seem happy fr people always ask gave grade went im year ago go school im pretty popular person like think im pretty funny person fun person around get home im alone thought literally killing ive thought killing multiple time im sure reason put father please give type advice honestly dont think longer amp x 00b posted different subreddit two week ago took advice people gave didint work everything feel like wont get better matter hard try genuinely feel like there escape killing best option people always say oh need would make mother happy okay make happy wan na play sport badly dad scared let want lose sight eye honest football basketball baseball thing made happy cant play make everything worse miss mom person made happy really really didnt even get much time -It’s so exhausting. Waking up every morning instantly with a wave of sadness and discontent. Then the whole day is filled with me trying to keep my mind off of my own thoughts and trying to chase little happiness. I’m tired of this. Why can’t i just wake up happy and in a good mood like everyone else. I’m so exhausted and tired of living like this. nothing helps and nothing sustains it. I try to workout but that doesn’t help. I’m at a loss of things to do about it. This isn’t how i want to live life and it’s exhausting and more of a burden.,1,exhausting waking every morning instantly wave sadness discontent whole day filled trying keep mind thought trying chase little happiness tired wake happy good mood like everyone else exhausted tired living like nothing help nothing sustains try workout help loss thing want live life exhausting burden -"Hey everyone, I recently moved to another country for work. This seemed like the best option due to lack of options in my own country. The move came just after various treatment facilities to manage addiction which I believe was a side affect of my depression. - -My experience in this new country has been hectic. No one can speak English so making new friends and connections are so difficult. I have found myself wallowing in this. Outside of work I pretty much just sit in my apartment feeling really sad. - -Last night I had a dream that pushed me to a new low this morning. The dream pretty much had me in a group of friends having a good time (I don't remember any of their faces), there was even a girl that I remember making me feel loved. I dont remember her face either but that connection left me feeling so so alone.",1,hey everyone recently moved another country work seemed like best option due lack option country move came various treatment facility manage addiction believe side affect depression experience new country hectic one speak english making new friend connection difficult found wallowing outside work pretty much sit apartment feeling really sad last night dream pushed new low morning dream pretty much group friend good time remember face even girl remember making feel loved dont remember face either connection left feeling alone -"I’ve been lying for years about how I feel right to peoples faces. I feel like I can never be the real me as it would burden other people with my feelings. I always sabotage myself by keeping to myself until I break and hurt the other people around me but I just can’t get out of the hole I’ve dug for myself. I’m completely burnt out and don’t have any motivation to do anything anymore, I mean my days literally consist of listening to music and not much else because it’s one of the few things I find joy in. I don’t enjoy many things anymore because everything I care about always gets taken away,I don’t understand why I exist at this point, Is it just to lie to and hurt the people I care for?",1,lying year feel right people face feel like never real would burden people feeling always sabotage keeping break hurt people around get hole dug completely burnt motivation anything anymore mean day literally consist listening music much else one thing find joy enjoy many thing anymore everything care always get taken away understand exist point lie hurt people care -"Yeah, two people fucked and now I'm here i know i know but, that's not what I'm getting at. Really WHY the fuck am i here!? - -I have no redeeming qualities. - -Can't maintain friendships. - -Childhood Emotional Neglect - -Very bad Social Anxiety. - -Depression+Anxiety has absolutely fucked my short-term cognitive memory. - -I could go on and on but I'm not going to because I'm simply too fucking tired to do so.",1,yeah two people fucked know know getting really fuck redeeming quality maintain friendship childhood emotional neglect bad social anxiety depression anxiety absolutely fucked short term cognitive memory could go going simply fucking tired -I don’t know what I want. I want logic but it’s depressing I want hope but it’s uncertain I want peace but alway feel at war. Am I the villain?,1,know want want logic depressing want hope uncertain want peace alway feel war villain -"Does anyone else think that depression can't be cured? -Treatment Resistant Depression is a term that I think about and seeing that some people may just be born to have it and deal with it for life no matter what. - -You could have the most idealistic life imaginable and have no identifiable trigger and still be depressed. And if it's down to serotonin dopamine or whatever anyone thinks is happiness isn't working and nothing is making a difference, then what is there to fix it. - -I'm told about ""coping mechanisms"" from everyone I talk to about it who's qualified, and as a psychology uni dropout, the little I think I've learned has not given any answers that satisfy this as coping these days just isn't something that makes sense to me as everything I try feels like a waste of effort to distract from the inevitable thoughts of wanting to essentially meet the earth and feeling nothing. - -No idea really why I'm asking this as it's not really going to be a easy post to find a reply for I understand that, but it does kind of seem that feeling crap all the time could just be a natural decision made by whoever, whatever or nothing beforehand for us to deal with until the end.",1,anyone else think depression cured treatment resistant depression term think seeing people may born deal life matter could idealistic life imaginable identifiable trigger still depressed serotonin dopamine whatever anyone think happiness working nothing making difference fix told coping mechanism everyone talk qualified psychology uni dropout little think learned given answer satisfy coping day something make sense everything try feel like waste effort distract inevitable thought wanting essentially meet earth feeling nothing idea really asking really going easy post find reply understand kind seem feeling crap time could natural decision made whoever whatever nothing beforehand u deal end -"Hello i am 15 years old an an male i feel completly empty especally when iam in shool i laugh but i dont find the jokes funny at all i just dont wanna make them feel bad but it hurts me fake laughting and when iam home i am glad that i am away from shool because for me shool is like an room where everyday its the same thing but in different subjects i just feel empty - - -Thank you for reading my text sorry for my bad english",1,hello year old male feel completly empty especally iam shool laugh dont find joke funny dont wan na make feel bad hurt fake laughting iam home glad away shool shool like room everyday thing different subject feel empty thank reading text sorry bad english -"So me and my boyfriend met at 17. We were friends for 3.5 yrs first. We had the same grades in school and got into the same top university. - -Fast forward to our final year at university. My boyfriend takes a different major to me. He is getting top grades and had a great job lined after he graduates. - -I, on the other hand have completely given up on life. I gave up learning to drive, seeing my friends, going to class. I'm probably not graduating. I gave up on wanting to do something with my art aswell. I spent my last year physically and mentally ill. I worked so many hours as as a waitress because my family are really low on money. But Ive even given up on working a lot. - -He's just more bubbly and smart compared to me. He's also not as poor as I am. He's just better than me",1,boyfriend met friend yr first grade school got top university fast forward final year university boyfriend take different major getting top grade great job lined graduate hand completely given life gave learning drive seeing friend going class probably graduating gave wanting something art aswell spent last year physically mentally ill worked many hour waitress family really low money ive even given working lot bubbly smart compared also poor better -"I don't have motivation to do anything concerning school or work. I'm constantly tired despite getting proper amounts of sleep. I don't have any particular emotions towards anything. I've grown to hate the idea of going out with friends now because of how ugly I feel and low I think about myself. I always think about my weight, thinking what to eat and when. I've never had thoughts about SH until a few days ago. For the past four months, I've been feeling like I have depression. Hating my life has become the new norm for me and I keep waiting for when this feeling will end, with no luck.",1,motivation anything concerning school work constantly tired despite getting proper amount sleep particular emotion towards anything grown hate idea going friend ugly feel low think always think weight thinking eat never thought sh day ago past four month feeling like depression hating life become new norm keep waiting feeling end luck -"Today, I took the very scary choice of going to the hospital. I don't know if I needed to, but I wasn't sure how safe I was, and wanted to be careful. A few hours, a Benzo and a long therapy session later I was out and feeling pretty great about myself. I did the right thing. I relied on professional help. I made sure I wasn't burdening my family... - -And then, my wife told me she didn't want me to come home. - -And this just fucking broke me. - -Can you imagine getting out of the hospital after a surgery or accident and having your spouse tell you they don't want to see you. Would anyone say after you got out your appendix.: You weren't there for me today so I don't want to see you. - -I understand and respect that being with someone with a mental illness is really hard. I have done so many things that would totally justify leaving me. But what's breaking me is that the thing that I am getting turned away for wasn't my horrible behavior, but the time I did the right thing. The time I got help.",1,today took scary choice going hospital know needed sure safe wanted careful hour benzo long therapy session later feeling pretty great right thing relied professional help made sure burdening family wife told want come home fucking broke imagine getting hospital surgery accident spouse tell want see would anyone say got appendix today want see understand respect someone mental illness really hard done many thing would totally justify leaving breaking thing getting turned away horrible behavior time right thing time got help -" -My moods change fast and I don’t think I am bipolar as it’s usually a reason why my mood changes and it can all change in a day. Like I’m in a good mood and then like couple hours past and I just get negative thoughts and I’m down again. - -Like I already lost people this year, my ex best friend, who used to be my best friend like 2 years ago and losing him as a friend this year didn’t really hurt as it was my decision to cut him out of my life. He was a real bad narcissist and probably a sociopath so cutting him out felt good. The one thing that hurts is losing my sister as we used to be so close but recently she became a lot more social and has a lot of friends and she doesn’t even want to speak to me or spend time with me anymore even though I’m the older sibling. I’m 23 and she’s 20. - -It’s just scary how easy people can just leave your life and even though I have a best friend that is good to me and I am talking to a girl but I’m just worried it will end as I’m just bad with my emotions probably because of my anxiety. - -I’m really not sure how I can get better. Like sometimes I feel great it feels like euphoric even, like I’m more hyper, talkative and confident but it never lasts long. And then I’m just back to my usual mood just being sad, depressed and anxious. I know somethings wrong with me probably, I tried cbt therapy for anxiety and depression but it didn’t really help me. I’m on an antidepressant as well which has never worked on me I just take it as it makes me sleep. - -I hate living like this I just want to smoke weed and get drunk so that I can stop all the negative thoughts and I hate it. It feels like my life is a mess. It’s so much effort to get out of my bed and I just hate my life like wtf. Sometimes I feel like going to Thailand and becoming spiritual or something.",1,mood change fast think bipolar usually reason mood change change day like good mood like couple hour past get negative thought like already lost people year ex best friend used best friend like year ago losing friend year really hurt decision cut life real bad narcissist probably sociopath cutting felt good one thing hurt losing sister used close recently became lot social lot friend even want speak spend time anymore even though older sibling 0 scary easy people leave life even though best friend good talking girl worried end bad emotion probably anxiety really sure get better like sometimes feel great feel like euphoric even like hyper talkative confident never last long back usual mood sad depressed anxious know somethings wrong probably tried cbt therapy anxiety depression really help antidepressant well never worked take make sleep hate living like want smoke weed get drunk stop negative thought hate feel like life mess much effort get bed hate life like wtf sometimes feel like going thailand becoming spiritual something -"I'm currently trying to go no contact with narcissistic family. It's so hard to do because I have 2 younger siblings who I can't contact or help at all. Parents are using them as leverage against me. I don't have their landline blocked because that's the only way my siblings can reach me if need be. So once every few months I receive a call from my father love bombing me. I feel like I'm going crazy. I have so much guilt, disappointment, anger and more. I've been trying all week to get into therapy but my insurance is being a POS and every place that supposedly is in network, turns out not to be. The only thing keeping me going is knowing I need to be better to help my siblings, and staying strong for my bf and his family. They are all I have which kills me. I have no family, no substantial friends, I feel so alone and like no one is willing to work with me to help. I'm trying to not get suicidal or self harm, but I'm on the verge of having a mental breakdown unless something gives",1,currently trying go contact narcissistic family hard younger sibling contact help parent using leverage landline blocked way sibling reach need every month receive call father love bombing feel like going crazy much guilt disappointment anger trying week get therapy insurance po every place supposedly network turn thing keeping going knowing need better help sibling staying strong bf family kill family substantial friend feel alone like one willing work help trying get suicidal self harm verge mental breakdown unless something give -"There is nothing more suffocating than the feeling that youre gonna live your life alone, it takes a lot of strength to not fall apart specially if you already tasted what is like to share your life with someone and knowing that youre gonna be all on your own by the rest of the path. I've spent the last 5 years dreaming abour growing old with someone i consider to be a gift from the heavens, only for that dreams to be shattered a week ago, it's been more than 10 days and im still stuck in despair, i cant even sleep in my bed without thinking of him. I refuse to find somsomeone else because... Whats the point in trying to top perfection? Only to poorly fill the whole your ex left and get your already pulverized heart shattered once more, I've lost my passion to live. I've been carrying anxiety and panic attacks for a few years, i was already barely holding it together but this i just the last straw.. I dont even have a shoulder to cry on anymore, what's the point?",1,nothing suffocating feeling youre gon na live life alone take lot strength fall apart specially already tasted like share life someone knowing youre gon na rest path spent last year dreaming abour growing old someone consider gift heaven dream shattered week ago 0 day im still stuck despair cant even sleep bed without thinking refuse find somsomeone else whats point trying top perfection poorly fill whole ex left get already pulverized heart shattered lost passion live carrying anxiety panic attack year already barely holding together last straw dont even shoulder cry anymore point -"i don’t know how to get better. i’m gonna pursue help because of someone really important to me, i feel like i’ve been bad to them or just that they deserve better. and sometimes i just don’t know how to try hard enough or feel something sometimes, and it kills me inside. i’m worried the people i go to for help (professionals) won’t understand me or won’t be able to help me. i just wanna get better for this person, so i can always have a clear head and understand what’s going on and try my best for them. all i wanna tell them is i’m sorry. i’m sorry.",1,know get better gon na pursue help someone really important feel like bad deserve better sometimes know try hard enough feel something sometimes kill inside worried people go help professional understand able help wan na get better person always clear head understand going try best wan na tell sorry sorry -"I feel worse than ever. I need more burns than I thought. I started using cigarettes burns. I thought this was going to be better than cutting, but it’s worse. Much, much worse. I need help. The guy I talked to in DM was right. I need help. I just don’t know where to start.",1,feel worse ever need burn thought started using cigarette burn thought going better cutting worse much much worse need help guy talked dm right need help know start -"No. Not everyone suffered from depression. Not everyone found everything exhausting. -Yeah, everyone had their own struggle that cant be compared to another. But, not everyone got depressed from their struggle. I just dong understand why God pick me to have depression? Life is so unfair. -I've been thinking about this about a few days",1,everyone suffered depression everyone found everything exhausting yeah everyone struggle cant compared another everyone got depressed struggle dong understand god pick depression life unfair thinking day -"I am on the train, with feelings of regret, sadness, lonliness, disappointment, and nostalgia. Most importantly, dealing with uncertainty about the future. We could die tomorrow, thus the train crashed killing me. I could end up homeless. I could end up penniless. I could end up in a wheelchair. I could be super disabled. I'm just trying to make good with what I have and to not be sorry for what I don't. Hope is an addictive drug that stimulates dopamine but depression gives me doubt.",1,train feeling regret sadness lonliness disappointment nostalgia importantly dealing uncertainty future could die tomorrow thus train crashed killing could end homeless could end penniless could end wheelchair could super disabled trying make good sorry hope addictive drug stimulates dopamine depression give doubt -"I really struggle with depression and increadibly miserable thoughts about myself and what I do. I also struggle with realising what I like or enjoy doing, wearing, watching, etc. In a few words: I struggle with knowing my interests. I feel no emotion for life at all. I just see myself doing everyday stuff I need to survive as a human being. - -Do you have any suggestions on how I can help myself on speaking much better about myself and what I like, sth to enjoy and be interested in? Like... Should I tell myself, repetitively, for instance: ""I enjoy dancing."", rather than: ""I just do it because I have to, because some people say I do it beautifully, but I'm not sure about it (or I don't feel good about it)."" Should I write down everyday sth like, for instance: ""I write well"", ""I read well"", ""I like writing"", ""I enjoy writing"", instead of: ""I just write beacuse is needed at work, because I have to"", ""People use to say I speak well in front of people, but I just do it. I don't feel anything.""? - -It's known that depression steal us the joy of life and everyday existance, it steals our curiosity in everything. - -I leave everything because I feel no interest on it. I just want to feel engaged in sth, I'm exhausted of not feeling anything good, but I have no money for therapy atm. - -Can you help me? - -Thanks is advance.",1,really struggle depression increadibly miserable thought also struggle realising like enjoy wearing watching etc word struggle knowing interest feel emotion life see everyday stuff need survive human suggestion help speaking much better like sth enjoy interested like tell repetitively instance enjoy dancing rather people say beautifully sure feel good write everyday sth like instance write well read well like writing enjoy writing instead write beacuse needed work people use say speak well front people feel anything known depression steal u joy life everyday existance steal curiosity everything leave everything feel interest want feel engaged sth exhausted feeling anything good money therapy atm help thanks advance -"Im the last 24 hours, everything fell apart. My wife is kow filing for divorce. Anyone got advice on how to live with yourself and the world if that happens?",1,im last hour everything fell apart wife kow filing divorce anyone got advice live world happens -"17 months almost of being chronically unwell and not the same person, because of shithead fucking parents. Forced me to go back on a medication that didn't help, nobody cared. I was lulled into thinking it could never do something like this to me. - -No positive COVID test, no positive tests for other viruses like Lyme. I guess Lexapro just decided to ruin my life for whatever reason. - -I'm not linking my story for the millionth fucking time, I'm 26, this is my life? Fuck this. I can't even cry because the medication fucked my brain up so badly.",1,month almost chronically unwell person shithead fucking parent forced go back medication help nobody cared lulled thinking could never something like positive covid test positive test virus like lyme guess lexapro decided ruin life whatever reason linking story millionth fucking time life fuck even cry medication fucked brain badly -"I am so tired of living. I don't think I've been truly passionate about anything since I was 12 years old. I am turning 21 in a few months. Mentally, I still feel like I am 18 years old. - -There are so many experiences and opportunities that I have missed out on over the years and it's so difficult to imagine a future for myself after college because I don't have the energy or the motivation to do anything but the bare minimum. For the longest time in high school I didn't have plans for college because I didn't see myself making it past 18. I feel like I am presently existing past my life's expiration date. - -I chose to pursue fine arts in college because drawing is the one thing I am genuinely talented at, and yet I dread every moment I have to sit down and draw. This semester, I shortened my course load to two online classes and one in-person class, and I am still struggling to keep up. It's incredibly difficult for me to focus on anything for more than 15 minutes before I feel exhausted. I have been told that I am talented enough to sell prints of my art yet I can barely make pieces to add to my professional portfolio. I'm too afraid to let myself think about what I am even going to do once I graduate because I know this disorder has completely destroyed any semblance of a work ethic that I may have once had. - -I am slowly losing all my friends because I can't do anything ""fun"" anymore. Two of my closest friends who are also my roommates don't invite me to anything social anymore. I am saddened by this but wonder if I even have the right to feel that way, as I probably wouldn't go if I was invited as I don't have the energy for anything anymore. I shortened my course load to two online classes and one in-person class and I am still struggling to keep up. - -Every time I feel remotely okay it lasts for what feels like a second, and then I'm sinking down even deeper. Sometimes I wish I could lay down, fall asleep and never wake up. I don't even feel sad, I just feel nothing at all.",1,tired living think truly passionate anything since year old turning month mentally still feel like year old many experience opportunity missed year difficult imagine future college energy motivation anything bare minimum longest time high school plan college see making past feel like presently existing past life expiration date chose pursue fine art college drawing one thing genuinely talented yet dread every moment sit draw semester shortened course load two online class one person class still struggling keep incredibly difficult focus anything minute feel exhausted told talented enough sell print art yet barely make piece add professional portfolio afraid let think even going graduate know disorder completely destroyed semblance work ethic may slowly losing friend anything fun anymore two closest friend also roommate invite anything social anymore saddened wonder even right feel way probably go invited energy anything anymore shortened course load two online class one person class still struggling keep every time feel remotely okay last feel like second sinking even deeper sometimes wish could lay fall asleep never wake even feel sad feel nothing -I am so tired of having depression. I hate how hard it is to get up and do the most basic things. 4-5 days out of the week I don’t even eat dinner because I can’t get out of bed. I’m tired of having to put in the extra effort to hide it at work and in front of my family. I’ve been single for a year and a half after a year and a half long relationship but my social anxiety has gotten so bad I can’t even put myself out there. I’m so lonely but too afraid to make an attempt. I don’t think I could ever actually kill myself but I think about how much easier it would be if I wasn’t alive a lot more than I used to.,1,tired depression hate hard get basic thing day week even eat dinner get bed tired put extra effort hide work front family single year half year half long relationship social anxiety gotten bad even put lonely afraid make attempt think could ever actually kill think much easier would alive lot used -"I’ve been experiencing huge bouts of just feeling unmotivated not useful, I’ve been randomly just tearing up but it never lasts long, I don’t feel like I have a reason to cry, but I do, and I don’t know what to do, there’s other stuff, but I don’t want to drag on too long. I also just miss how things were. I’ve woken up like this for the past week and it’s persisted throughout the days.",1,experiencing huge bout feeling unmotivated useful randomly tearing never last long feel like reason cry know stuff want drag long also miss thing woken like past week persisted throughout day -"I've been diagnosed with major depressive disorder about two years ago and was put on medication. Felt better and the meds were tapered off. I however, feel it returning and most days seem like shit. -I can wake up and do normal work like I do however there's a constant feeling of sadness that's overwhelming and I worry about a lot of things around me. I worry that I was a horrid person to my parents and the people around me. -Does it ever go away? I don't want to be dependent on medication for the rest of my life.",1,diagnosed major depressive disorder two year ago put medication felt better med tapered however feel returning day seem like shit wake normal work like however constant feeling sadness overwhelming worry lot thing around worry horrid person parent people around ever go away want dependent medication rest life -"2 months on. Turned 30 3 months ago. Had mental breakdown, anxiety attack followed by spiral of depression. Ended up resigning from job 2 months ago as a result. - -Currently in therapy and on meds. Sleep is slowly improving though I wake up early some mornings overthinking and anxious. I have days I feel good then I feel depressed and then I feel anxious. Still get strong feelings of dread, negative thoughts and strong feelings of being unaccomplished. Im not sure if this is normal but I got told meds will take some time to kick in. - -Still exercising. Started a new job 3 days ago doing something different. My goal for the next few years is to sort out and get this all under control and stabilise my career/life. Also trying to remember and take note of all the positive things in my life and achievements I have accomplished. - -Also looking into a potential career change.",1,month turned 0 month ago mental breakdown anxiety attack followed spiral depression ended resigning job month ago result currently therapy med sleep slowly improving though wake early morning overthinking anxious day feel good feel depressed feel anxious still get strong feeling dread negative thought strong feeling unaccomplished im sure normal got told med take time kick still exercising started new job day ago something different goal next year sort get control stabilise career life also trying remember take note positive thing life achievement accomplished also looking potential career change -"I want to get my life together, but I feel like I haven't accomplished anything. I'm taking adult education classes now and I'm trying to get a part time job, but no luck so far. I haven't had a job before, so I'm not very optimistic. I live with family and I feel like a leech. I'm trying to contribute with whatever I can, like cleaning. But I feel so worthless, unwanted, and like a burden. My father died recently and I want to live the best life that I can for him, but I'm wondering if I even can. I just want things to work out. I've been trying to be positive, but it's so difficult.",1,want get life together feel like accomplished anything taking adult education class trying get part time job luck far job optimistic live family feel like leech trying contribute whatever like cleaning feel worthless unwanted like burden father died recently want live best life wondering even want thing work trying positive difficult -"I've been more a lot more depressed than normal for a while. Today i had therapy session and while i was in there i realized i couldn't remember almost anything about last week anymore. This month has been extremely stressful for me in terms of school and work and i basically shut down at the end of last week, i couldn't do anything anymore. But now i can't remember almost anything about last week, and it's only tuesday...",1,lot depressed normal today therapy session realized remember almost anything last week anymore month extremely stressful term school work basically shut end last week anything anymore remember almost anything last week tuesday -"No, I don’t want to kill myself. But I want to die. I reflect on the last 10 years of my life and see nothing good, and can’t see the future improving. My mom just died. My longest relationship recently ended, terribly, and with abuse. I have addictive behaviors I never seem to kick, and I don’t see it changing. - -I’ve gone to therapy. I’m trying to find another good therapist, but haven’t heard back from voicemails I’ve left so far. - -If you have a response, I appreciate it, but please, don’t share vague generalities. Tell me your personal hurt. Experiences will carry more with me than “it gets better” or similar platitudes. I’m hurting. I need to hear the hurt others have been able to endure to feel encouraged. I never thought I could feel so empty and so sad and so angry. I hate living right now. I never thought I’d ever feel so bad. - -Edit: I have nobody. I have my job, and I have my dog. My family isn’t the support system I wish it was. I don’t have any real friends. I’ve tried reaching out, but everyone is busy with their own problems.",1,want kill want die reflect last 0 year life see nothing good see future improving mom died longest relationship recently ended terribly abuse addictive behavior never seem kick see changing gone therapy trying find another good therapist heard back voicemail left far response appreciate please share vague generality tell personal hurt experience carry get better similar platitude hurting need hear hurt others able endure feel encouraged never thought could feel empty sad angry hate living right never thought ever feel bad edit nobody job dog family support system wish real friend tried reaching everyone busy problem -"About three weeks ago I quit my job of 3 years after believing spending all my time at work was making me severely depressed. 4 days after I quit were the happiest I've been in a long time but it quickly went away and I got trapped into another very depressed cycle I haven't put any work towards anything in 3 weeks just moping around all day until I have to go to sleep. My biggest problem is that I feel like I'm watching my dreams die, I would love to entertain people like how most people do on YouTube etc.. but I have no talent no skills and a horrible lisp. I've started many projects but have stopped all of them really early as I have no motivation to keep doing them anyway. The only option I have left in life is to go work another job, be unhappy and live the same miserable life or I can kill myself. It sounds bad but I don't have any problem with suicide my whole life is built on regrets and failures with nothing that I can truly be proud of. Honestly I don't want to go through with this but it feels like the better choice.",1,three week ago quit job year believing spending time work making severely depressed day quit happiest long time quickly went away got trapped another depressed cycle put work towards anything week moping around day go sleep biggest problem feel like watching dream die would love entertain people like people youtube etc talent skill horrible lisp started many project stopped really early motivation keep anyway option left life go work another job unhappy live miserable life kill sound bad problem suicide whole life built regret failure nothing truly proud honestly want go feel like better choice -"Hi; I was wondering if anyone has this happen to them. I have have had depression for decades, I have good days and bad days. No periods that last for weeks, or months, like I did when I first started having symptoms 40 years ago. Thank god it is mostly occasional bad bouts, most often I just have a dull low depression that I can dell with using, moving muscles, using cognitive disputes. - -Today I had one of the rare events that I used to get often. I wake up early have a cup or two of coffee, yet I feel really exhausted. (I slept fine the night before). I end up having breakfast, but that exhausted feeling becomes overwhelming and I go back to bet by 9AM. The entire day consists of me sleeping, having lucid bat shit crazy bizarre dreams. The dreams are not nightmares, in fact they are rather creative, but the locals and situations are like the came from somebodies imagination in a distant galaxy. They would make really interesting sci-fi fantasy. I also dream about being lonely, I have no family, few friends, one thing I remember was this gut wrenching sadness about a girl I dated over 40 years ago, thought she was the one, but it fell apart. - -After about 10 to 12 hours I get up, have something to eat. I feel hung over, an d it is like a storm passed through my brain, spent it's energy and now calm has returned. - -I was wondering if anyone else had had similar experiences like this? It would be concerning if it was a frequent occurrence, which it once was in the early days of depression, again that was decades ago. - -Thanks in advance for any observations or comments. Peace.",1,hi wondering anyone happen depression decade good day bad day period last week month like first started symptom 0 year ago thank god mostly occasional bad bout often dull low depression dell using moving muscle using cognitive dispute today one rare event used get often wake early cup two coffee yet feel really exhausted slept fine night end breakfast exhausted feeling becomes overwhelming go back bet 9am entire day consists sleeping lucid bat shit crazy bizarre dream dream nightmare fact rather creative local situation like came somebody imagination distant galaxy would make really interesting sci fi fantasy also dream lonely family friend one thing remember gut wrenching sadness girl dated 0 year ago thought one fell apart 0 hour get something eat feel hung like storm passed brain spent energy calm returned wondering anyone else similar experience like would concerning frequent occurrence early day depression decade ago thanks advance observation comment peace -"This is a question I’m struggling with for years now. I was a neglected child of an alcoholic father lots of trauma, I’m diagnosed with depression for 6 years now. I have this void, where love from my parents and family was supposed to be. The problem it’s causing is in romantic relationships, I get addicted to people which is very unhealthy and it’s cause of the lack of self love. But how do I love myself? What’s the cure for this? I used to hate myself now I’m just neutral, I really want to be better and be happy by myself I just have no idea how to do it. Anyone else struggling with that having an advice for this?",1,question struggling year neglected child alcoholic father lot trauma diagnosed depression year void love parent family supposed problem causing romantic relationship get addicted people unhealthy cause lack self love love cure used hate neutral really want better happy idea anyone else struggling advice -"My mom slapped me all the time i do not want to study at all.From 14 to 20 I stayed with her studying the stuff of a student. I ate the school so much and also, my mother. She treated me very bad because I wasn’t the type of child that have all 10 in the school report but neither all 4. When I took 4;5;5,5;6 i was a failure and no one talk in the house. When i take 7,8,9 i was a good students an object in which transfer all they’re expectations and hopes. Win with a lot of people and lose alone. This is my life, even today when i get tired and i kill myself. I’m not a fucking puppet through which u can manipulate and treat bad. I’m tired of all of this to feel a failure myself and also not so good-looking because for them I’m fat. Now I’m sad",1,mom slapped time want study 0 stayed studying stuff student ate school much also mother treated bad type child 0 school report neither took failure one talk house take 9 good student object transfer expectation hope win lot people lose alone life even today get tired kill fucking puppet u manipulate treat bad tired feel failure also good looking fat sad -After months of doin good I fucked up. My depression hit hard and I isolated myself from everyone. I stopped talking to my best friend which made her upset and now she wants nothing to do with me. She was the last friend I had. If I could tell her anything it's I'm sorry. I should've been better friend. Tonight I'm not smoking or drinking because I believe we can always get back on our feet. Someday.,1,month doin good fucked depression hit hard isolated everyone stopped talking best friend made upset want nothing last friend could tell anything sorry better friend tonight smoking drinking believe always get back foot someday -"My lifestyle and world view for sure seem like a depressed person. No motivation, almost everything I do is anxiety driven. Privately my life is a mess. And who doesn't feel like we're all screwed nowadays? - -However, I usually feel happy or content at any given moment. I kinda just don't think about the problems and vibe. I'm usually having a pretty decent time. I'm not often sad or crying. Thinking about the future is upsetting and overwhelming, but I try not to. - -I keep getting diagnosed with depression. I can kinda see it, but usually when I see depression represented, it's either with sadness or with no feelings and talk like not enjoying music or anything. I still enjoy stuff though. - -Is this a thing? Do others feel this way? - -Edit: I started lexapro today and went searching for ppl to relate to, but I feel kinda alienated from others who are depressed. I feel like bringing my energy to other depressed folks would just make them feel worse about feeling bad.",1,lifestyle world view sure seem like depressed person motivation almost everything anxiety driven privately life mess feel like screwed nowadays however usually feel happy content given moment kinda think problem vibe usually pretty decent time often sad cry thinking future upsetting overwhelming try keep getting diagnosed depression kinda see usually see depression represented either sadness feeling talk like enjoying music anything still enjoy stuff though thing others feel way edit started lexapro today went searching ppl relate feel kinda alienated others depressed feel like bringing energy depressed folk would make feel worse feeling bad -"Everyone here knows it’s difficult to do anything while depressed. Even getting out of bed or brushing your teeth can sap all your strength. Appetite usually goes out the window as well, which leads to low blood sugar, exhaustion etc. Here’s what I reach for when I have to “force” myself to eat. - -1. Any type of smoothie/shake. -I usually use a low glycemic berry, oatmilk and kale or spinach. Protein powder is good also, to add a bit more calories. Chia seeds for the fiber, to keep you satiated longer. - -2. Bone broth or soup. -Again very little prep time and you’re not actually eating, just drinking. Bone broth alone has very little calories, but the protein content will help your malfunctioning brain work a bit better. - -3. Any type of nuts or seeds. -They pack a ton of calories in just a handful. Doesn’t feel like you are eating a meal, no prep time.",1,everyone know difficult anything depressed even getting bed brushing teeth sap strength appetite usually go window well lead low blood sugar exhaustion etc reach force eat type smoothie shake usually use low glycemic berry oatmilk kale spinach protein powder good also add bit calorie chia seed fiber keep satiated longer bone broth soup little prep time actually eating drinking bone broth alone little calorie protein content help malfunctioning brain work bit better type nut seed pack ton calorie handful feel like eating meal prep time -"Everything and everyday is a struggle because I don't feel like nothing makes sense. I wake up on my way to work I just keep thinking why. Why eating, why working, why having a hobbie. Why. -Do you guys feel it too, and how to deal with that?",1,everything everyday struggle feel like nothing make sense wake way work keep thinking eating working hobbie guy feel deal -"Look, I know everyone has a sad story to tell. I'm no different. And I know that in reality no one truly cares about your past. I don't even give a shit about my past anymore. But I have nothing left in me. I don't have anything to fight for even out of spite. The world sucks ass. My life has had plenty of shitty times and a handful of good ones. But I'm at my final limit. Rent is due again in about a week. After months of being unemployed, I still have no job. I interview constantly. I research how to be better. I have a degree. I have applied to anything and EVERYTHING. I'm practically begging for work now. And still... nothing. I have no money left. I have no family. I have applied at jobs I'm ""qualified"" for with all of my experience but also grocery stores, coffee shops, restaurants, anything that says it's hiring. - -I'm not going to be able to pay my half of the rent next week and when I think about it, it makes me so ill that I'll puke thinking about how am I going to look my partner in the face and tell him that I just don't have any money left? He has seen me struggling. He knows I haven't had a job since November. - -I have credit card debt. I don't spend any extra money ever. I have food stamps. - -I think about ending everything every day. All I do is try to not cry constantly. I can barely muster up fake smiles anymore. I have never felt so down in my entire life. I feel as though I have been cursed. But even then, that would give me hope as that would mean it could be broken somehow...maybe. - -I have never felt so close mentally to believing, truly believing, that I wanted to die. I just don't want to face this. I really can't exist like this in this life anymore. I don't see a way out.",1,look know everyone sad story tell different know reality one truly care past even give shit past anymore nothing left anything fight even spite world suck as life plenty shitty time handful good one final limit rent due week month unemployed still job interview constantly research better degree applied anything everything practically begging work still nothing money left family applied job qualified experience also grocery store coffee shop restaurant anything say hiring going able pay half rent next week think make ill puke thinking going look partner face tell money left seen struggling know job since november credit card debt spend extra money ever food stamp think ending everything every day try cry constantly barely muster fake smile anymore never felt entire life feel though cursed even would give hope would mean could broken somehow maybe never felt close mentally believing truly believing wanted die want face really exist like life anymore see way -"I feel empty inside most of the time, i am trying to find my purpose to live again but it kinda hard. For the first time ever in my life i feel like I can’t overcome the struggle I’m facing right now. I am telling myself im doing okay, im doing better. But at the end of the day, I found myself drinking and smoking by myself again(i stopped smoking for a year and a half until last month). Me right now is exactly the person im trying to get rid of 3 years ago. After 3 years I found myself doing all the things i hate and i know it is bad for me again. My best friend’s birthday day is today, I asked her “hey what do you want” ask a thank you because she was there for me when i am facing my first panic attack, first time understand what’s depressed. She said “i want you to live that’s all i need”. For people out there who is having suicidal thoughts like me, just remember that there will be a person who expects to see you in the future. If you feel like there is no one next to you, maybe they will show up in the future ^^.",1,feel empty inside time trying find purpose live kinda hard first time ever life feel like overcome struggle facing right telling im okay im better end day found drinking smoking stopped smoking year half last month right exactly person im trying get rid year ago year found thing hate know bad best friend birthday day today asked hey want ask thank facing first panic attack first time understand depressed said want live need people suicidal thought like remember person expects see future feel like one next maybe show future -"I choosed depression out of my own choice. I wonder if others are like this. Or most are just victims of life? -Please answer your responses",1,choosed depression choice wonder others like victim life please answer response -"I've never been good at talking to people about how I'm doing, and most of the time I'll just tell everyone I'm fine and move on. I have a very close friend, and they're the only person I've ever felt comfortable talking to. I trust them with absolutely everything and we've helped each other through so much. A week ago or so, they told me things were changing and they've sort of left. We barely talk anymore, and they told me they're still gonna be here for me but I really just don't feel it anymore. It could just be my head making it seem a lot worse than it actually is but it really feels like they don't care at all anymore like they used to, and it seems like they just don't even wanna talk to me anymore. It hurts a lot to think that. I used to always text them or something when things were bad just so I could have someone to talk to, but now I don't really have that anymore and I don't know what happened. - -Anyways ig no one's gotta respond but I just needed somewhere where I could say this",1,never good talking people time tell everyone fine move close friend person ever felt comfortable talking trust absolutely everything helped much week ago told thing changing sort left barely talk anymore told still gon na really feel anymore could head making seem lot worse actually really feel like care anymore like used seems like even wan na talk anymore hurt lot think used always text something thing bad could someone talk really anymore know happened anyways ig one got ta respond needed somewhere could say -"I have no friends, I have no talents, and Im not smart either. Im not loved. I am just their utility. I feel like this life is not worth living. There is nothing ahead of me. I have no interest, no passion, nothing",1,friend talent im smart either im loved utility feel like life worth living nothing ahead interest passion nothing -"I’m 20, and have never even been on a date with a girl before. Everything has just gone wrong growing up. There were so many times where things almost changed, almost got in a group of people I wanted to be with, almost would no longer have been alone. But every time, something at the last second happens and I lose it forever. Sometimes my fault, but usually not. I’ve stopped getting my hopes up for anything. I know it will always just never work out. It’s like I’m destined to just always be like this. - -I had a few “friends” in high school. No one I could ever connect with though. I didn’t care though, maybe I could meet new people through them. But for some reason, anytime anything interesting would happen with them, it was when I was gone. Anytime I am with them, same usual boring shit. I’m not there? Something crazy happens. - -I started going to college recently. I really was hoping doing this, I would meet people, make friends. But even doing things, like going to events and regularly attending classes, just nothing. I love talking to and meeting people, but I just never get placed in the right place at the right time. And the moments I get close, I fuck up again, or something else happens. - -I downloaded some dating apps just to try to meet people. I know I wouldn’t have much success, as a short medium attractive guy. I would maybe get a match a week if I was lucky, and we’d send a couple messages, but nothing more. - -Last week, I finally got someone’s contact info, and we set up plans to go on a date. I wasn’t particularly interested in this girl, but was just exited to finally go on a date. I had a class for the time we planned, but that didn’t matter. I can miss it. Things were finally going well. And then last night, I suddenly remembered. Nothing is ever supposed to go well. I always get so close. - -So this morning, I check my phone. She had blocked me. I didn’t even feel anything. “It’s just how everything goes for me”, I thought. I’m not angry at her or anything. She probably just decided last minute she didn’t want to go. - -I’m tired. I’m done trying. I’m killing myself next week. Maybe if I keep putting myself out there I’ll actually meet someone. But it’s an endless cycle. My depression makes it so hard to do that, which just causes me to get more depressed. What is supposed to break this cycle. I’ve tried medication, no effect. Therapy? I’ve tried may therapists and they’ve all told me the same bull shit I’ve already heard. - -I don’t really want to die. It would be nice for things to work out for once. But with the cycle I’m in, nothing will ever change, and I don’t see a way of breaking it. If things will just be like this forever, why bother continuing. - -Sorry for this absolute wall of text. If you actually read this, cool I guess. I just needed to write all my thoughts out. - -Gonna go to sleep now. Bye. - -tl;dr god fucking hates me",1,0 never even date girl everything gone wrong growing many time thing almost changed almost got group people wanted almost would longer alone every time something last second happens lose forever sometimes fault usually stopped getting hope anything know always never work like destined always like friend high school one could ever connect though care though maybe could meet new people reason anytime anything interesting would happen gone anytime usual boring shit something crazy happens started going college recently really hoping would meet people make friend even thing like going event regularly attending class nothing love talking meeting people never get placed right place right time moment get close fuck something else happens downloaded dating apps try meet people know much success short medium attractive guy would maybe get match week lucky send couple message nothing last week finally got someone contact info set plan go date particularly interested girl exited finally go date class time planned matter miss thing finally going well last night suddenly remembered nothing ever supposed go well always get close morning check phone blocked even feel anything everything go thought angry anything probably decided last minute want go tired done trying killing next week maybe keep putting actually meet someone endless cycle depression make hard cause get depressed supposed break cycle tried medication effect therapy tried may therapist told bull shit already heard really want die would nice thing work cycle nothing ever change see way breaking thing like forever bother continuing sorry absolute wall text actually read cool guess needed write thought gon na go sleep bye tl dr god fucking hate -"Fuck antidepressants, all I want is a hug. I know a hug will make me feel so good right now. That's it. That's my 2 cents",1,fuck antidepressant want hug know hug make feel good right cent -I’m just tired of coming second to finding a partner and not being chosen over someone. They say someone is out there for everyone but I don’t think so. They say don’t go looking someone will come find you but I don’t think so. They say it will fall into your lap when you least expect it but I don’t think so. These situations have happened but they always fail. I’m just tired of not being enough.,1,tired coming second finding partner chosen someone say someone everyone think say go looking someone come find think say fall lap least expect think situation happened always fail tired enough -"Bro my life has been so horrible it's unpleasant it pisses me off and makes me very sad - Since my life is just waking up, having breakfast, going to school, studying, coming home, having lunch, studying, sleeping, dinner is sleeping again - It's this cycle that always repeats I have friends but they don't even care about me I don't even know why I consider them friends - It's my family it's just me my mother and two brothers and I don't have uncles I don't know why I'm the middle child it's my mother I feel like she hates me because it was because of me that I made my mother my father divorced since I found out about my father I I was having an affair with a woman I don't even know and since then I never spoke to my father again, my mother often even treats me badly, verbally and physically attacking me and I can't hit her because she is my mother - and my brothers are the only ones that i consider friends because they care about my existence but they are very reserved many times they even lock themselves in their room - But these last few months I have a great idea of ​​running away from home is to end up leaving the city to have a new life - Yes people I have money I can survive a whole month and I know it's hard to get a job but I'm willing to leave this miserable life - But for now it's just an idea that I still don't have the courage to do and I also don't want to leave my brothers because I'm afraid to leave them. - What should I do - Leaving everything is starting a new life - or continue as is?",1,bro life horrible unpleasant piss make sad since life waking breakfast going school studying coming home lunch studying sleeping dinner sleeping cycle always repeat friend even care even know consider friend family mother two brother uncle know middle child mother feel like hate made mother father divorced since found father affair woman even know since never spoke father mother often even treat badly verbally physically attacking hit mother brother one consider friend care existence reserved many time even lock room last month great idea running away home end leaving city new life yes people money survive whole month know hard get job willing leave miserable life idea still courage also want leave brother afraid leave leaving everything starting new life continue -"Lately I've been feeling like I'm about to reach my lowest again, I tried to kill myself on December 2016, I've been depressive a lot of time since then but I feel this time im 1 inch away from getting to that state again, but what I want to know is this: Have you ever have this thoughts ""Maybe everyone is gonna be better if I just stop being alive"" ""Nothing is gonna chance if I'm not here"" ""What's the point of still being alive?"" And suddenly have a lot but A LOT of guilt for thinking this? Thats one of the things that get me in tears, the guilt of thinking this way when I'm supposed to be okay after this years.",1,lately feeling like reach lowest tried kill december 0 depressive lot time since feel time im inch away getting state want know ever thought maybe everyone gon na better stop alive nothing gon na chance point still alive suddenly lot lot guilt thinking thats one thing get tear guilt thinking way supposed okay year -"Caring starts to feel so exhausting. It excites you, fills you up only to leave you empty, as a distant memory of what you once were. - -I don't know if it's them or me anymore. Don't even care, just want out. - -''Hell is others''",1,caring start feel exhausting excites fill leave empty distant memory know anymore even care want hell others -"I(M21) am very depressed. I’m getting a degree that I have no interest in getting a job in. I work in a retail store and feel like I’m going to end up stuck in these types of jobs forever. I play video games 3+ hours every day. I eat unhealthy. My living situation stresses me out tremendously, I don’t want to move back in with my parents, but I also can’t afford to live on my own. - -I have no passions, no drive, no meaning in life. I’m so lost. Why do I feel like I’m losing all control of my life. Like the world is crumbling around me and I’m slowly beginning to fall towards my end. - -The worst part about it, is I already know what I have to do to fix my depression(work out, sleep well, quit weed, quit masturbating, quit nicotine, eat well, and most importantly; stop playing video games). I just never do any of them, sometimes I’ll go a few days good, get this sense of euphoria and tell myself “everything is fine, why am I even worried about the future right now, I don’t need to do any of this stuff, I can fix my life whenever.” Then I go back into my depressive whole. I cut off everyone and isolate myself. - -Background: please don’t suggest therapy, I’ve been to three separate therapists ongoing for the last three years.",1,depressed getting degree interest getting job work retail store feel like going end stuck type job forever play video game hour every day eat unhealthy living situation stress tremendously want move back parent also afford live passion drive meaning life lost feel like losing control life like world crumbling around slowly beginning fall towards end worst part already know fix depression work sleep well quit weed quit masturbating quit nicotine eat well importantly stop playing video game never sometimes go day good get sense euphoria tell everything fine even worried future right need stuff fix life whenever go back depressive whole cut everyone isolate background please suggest therapy three separate therapist ongoing last three year -"I am just jealous of so many things I don't have. Depression destroyed my memory and I can't remember anything. What makes things worse is this is my final school year and I have final exams in around a month. I know I will fail because I physically cannot remember anything. Every time I see people learn I feel jealousy, that they can do things I can't. The jealousy appears also when it comes to my two friends. They both have other friends than me so they can leave me anytime they feel like it. They also don't talk to me that much and spend more time with those other friends. They also wanted to do something nice to one of my friend and didn't even invited me to spend time with them. It just hurts. I tell myself ""I just need to meet more people either online or irl"" but it's hard and I'm just trying to ignore my true feelings. I was always there for everyone since I can remember and all I get in return is being ignored and forgotten. I started to think about myself more and now I'm ""rude"" and ""only thinking about myself"" but I don't care, they are not the kind of people I want to be friends with. - -If you reached this point, thank you for reading, I just wanted to anonymously tell my true feeling and thoughts to someone. - -Have a nice day.",1,jealous many thing depression destroyed memory remember anything make thing worse final school year final exam around month know fail physically remember anything every time see people learn feel jealousy thing jealousy appears also come two friend friend leave anytime feel like also talk much spend time friend also wanted something nice one friend even invited spend time hurt tell need meet people either online irl hard trying ignore true feeling always everyone since remember get return ignored forgotten started think rude thinking care kind people want friend reached point thank reading wanted anonymously tell true feeling thought someone nice day -"Hey everyone, - -So the title says it all. Been going through depression since i was around the age of 13, currently i am 26 and beginning to lose to my demons. This often pushes me to take things to the extreme. For example, if i want to achieve something, then i become obsessed with it and go ""all out"" so to say, otherwise i feel dead inside. People think of me as this ""strong"" individual, because i have never shown my weakness to anyone, even my family, so everyone is oblivious to my inner suffering. It's a pure living hell. - -It's like having rabies, but instead of dying, it constantly attacks your brain and makes you think of irrational things day in and day out. I don't have anything to brag about in my normal life. Average job, no education after high school, no car, no girlfriend, no friends, no money to go on holidays - nothing. The only thing that i got going for myself is my gym addiction, built a decent physique over the years and planned to actually compete. Ironically, i had all of these things minus the money part when i was in high school. - -Lost the ability to smile as well. I laugh at jokes, at funny things, but my heart is dead. I became unable to form relationships of any kind, whether they'd be romantic or friend related. Just recently lost my business too. I am in debt on top of that. How do you fight demons who always drag you back down to the bottom of a dark,empty ocean every time you start seeing light at the end of the tunnel ? - -Thank you for reading. - -P.S. I am not suicidal, just want to smile again.",1,hey everyone title say going depression since around age currently beginning lose demon often push take thing extreme example want achieve something become obsessed go say otherwise feel dead inside people think strong individual never shown weakness anyone even family everyone oblivious inner suffering pure living hell like rabies instead dying constantly attack brain make think irrational thing day day anything brag normal life average job education high school car girlfriend friend money go holiday nothing thing got going gym addiction built decent physique year planned actually compete ironically thing minus money part high school lost ability smile well laugh joke funny thing heart dead became unable form relationship kind whether romantic friend related recently lost business debt top fight demon always drag back bottom dark empty ocean every time start seeing light end tunnel thank reading p suicidal want smile -"I found out last year that I had major depression disorder which I wasn't surprised at because my whole life since I was 7 I've been depressed. However I'm realizing I also have body dysmorphia bc I just hate the way I look body wise. When I stand I can see my fatty abs but when I sit its just a big pile of fat. And its frustrating because i workout everyday non stop and linit my eating. People say real people (men) knows what a women's body is supposed to be like, well guess what we live in 2022, it's supposed be in shape 24/7 and that's what most expect. I'm just so over it, because those same people who say yeah thats a real women's body are the same people liking every single big ass flat abs photo. I try to push myself everyday, and today im over it I can't keep going on like this",1,found last year major depression disorder surprised whole life since depressed however realizing also body dysmorphia bc hate way look body wise stand see fatty ab sit big pile fat frustrating workout everyday non stop linit eating people say real people men know woman body supposed like well guess live 0 supposed shape expect people say yeah thats real woman body people liking every single big as flat ab photo try push everyday today im keep going like -I'm so numb. I'm now living just because I'm alive but I'm really dead inside. Each day is a loop of sleeping and drinking. I barely eat. I don't do anything at all.,1,numb living alive really dead inside day loop sleeping drinking barely eat anything -"From an external point of view, i have the perfect life. I have worked really hard my whole life: I studied hard in school, got scolarship for university, in my late 20s, making 6 figure, have a beautiful house and a caring partner, but I have rarely felt happy in my life. I don't remember the last time I was genuinely happy. Since about 3 years ago, my mood started going really downhill and right now I am at a point where even eating or taking a shower is a chore. I drag myself everyday to work and do bare minimum and now i am scared that I might lose my job; but then again I can no longer force myself to do any work. - -I feel like I have used up my energy and passion. Most of the nights when I go to bed I fantasize about not waking up and how nice it seems. I am completely empty of any feeling and feel nothing toward my partner. I am taking medicine and working out at least 3 times a week but no good. I also fantasize about breaking up with my partner but I'm afraid I am gonna regret it cause I will be completely alone. I am so done with everything. I just wanna feel some taste and color in my life again but I feel like it might never happen",1,external point view perfect life worked really hard whole life studied hard school got scolarship university late 0 making figure beautiful house caring partner rarely felt happy life remember last time genuinely happy since year ago mood started going really downhill right point even eating taking shower chore drag everyday work bare minimum scared might lose job longer force work feel like used energy passion night go bed fantasize waking nice seems completely empty feeling feel nothing toward partner taking medicine working least time week good also fantasize breaking partner afraid gon na regret cause completely alone done everything wan na feel taste color life feel like might never happen -"I’m 22 years old and I am so sad because life is pointless. I feel like I know everything. I know how life is supposed to go. Get a good job, find a significant other, do exciting things together, maybe have kids, meet new people, do different activities all through out life, travel to new places, get old, and die somehow. Then what? - -This whole idea of life is so boring. I hate that I keep looking so far into life, so analytically. Thats how depression makes me see everything, analytically. And it is exhausting because I can NEVER truly, truly enjoy something. - -I know life can be beautiful and fun at times, in the moment it can be. But I don’t know why it’s just not enough for me. There HAS to be something else to life. Something better. There has to be more, right? - -How am I supposed to do this everyday until I die? That is such a long time, I don’t know how long I’m going to last. - -Thinking like this makes me the literal most boring person ever. I feel bad for my ‘friends’ (the few I have). I’m so boring. I never put passion into conversations because I seriously do not care enough because none of it matters, and it’s all pointless. I feel so bad. About myself and for everyone around me, I’m horrible. - -Please please help me find meaning in this gut wrenching life.",1,year old sad life pointless feel like know everything know life supposed go get good job find significant exciting thing together maybe kid meet new people different activity life travel new place get old die somehow whole idea life boring hate keep looking far life analytically thats depression make see everything analytically exhausting never truly truly enjoy something know life beautiful fun time moment know enough something else life something better right supposed everyday die long time know long going last thinking like make literal boring person ever feel bad friend boring never put passion conversation seriously care enough none matter pointless feel bad everyone around horrible please please help find meaning gut wrenching life -"I (29, F) moved to a different state to support my partner while they’re at school. We went from a duel income household to me being the breadwinner. I was diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety, and depression last year and am on meds and in therapy. I just keep screwing up at work. The work isn’t hard but I’m making stupid mistakes. I feel like Im not doing anything correctly. I try to be thorough and am told by my boss that I’m getting too caught up in the details. I try to be quick and cover the basics and am told that it isn’t my best work. I have no idea what to do. I’m told to ask questions if I don’t understand by my boss and when I do she’s short with me (example: I asked if I should include documents with a proposal [because the last time I did there was push back from someone saying they didn’t need to provide the documents], she replied if I was asking if I needed to follow to the standard operative procedure). I feel stuck. My performance has been worse partially due to depression which has affected my focus (cue adhd issues, meds for that aren’t working great). I just feel so stuck. I’m literally crying once a week bc I feel like I’m failing so badly. I’m literally doing working extra because I’m behind and not charging for it bc I just feel like I’m so behind. I started this new job and was immediately sent home to telework full time so I can’t just ask the people around me for help.",1,9 f moved different state support partner school went duel income household breadwinner diagnosed adhd anxiety depression last year med therapy keep screwing work work hard making stupid mistake feel like im anything correctly try thorough told bos getting caught detail try quick cover basic told best work idea told ask question understand bos short example asked include document proposal last time push back someone saying need provide document replied asking needed follow standard operative procedure feel stuck performance worse partially due depression affected focus cue adhd issue med working great feel stuck literally cry week bc feel like failing badly literally working extra behind charging bc feel like behind started new job immediately sent home telework full time ask people around help -"i can't deal with living like this , family doesn't care , grandparents have low energy & makes me feel old too, no work or friends",1,deal living like family care grandparent low energy amp make feel old work friend -"I don't know how can someone be this much of a failure. I suck. I have no social skills. Hell, i have no skills in general. People say everyone is good at something, but not me. I suck at everything. Why am i like this",1,know someone much failure suck social skill hell skill general people say everyone good something suck everything like -"The title sums up my whole life perfectly. - - -I was born to a loving, caring family. My father is my personal hero, a real masculine role model, who taught me pretty much everything I know. My mother gave me all the love a child can ask for. They were always supportive in all the good things that I used to do (but always very strict about the bad things). -When I chose a career path, they paid for a private school (which I'm so grateful for, high school was the best time of my life), they supported me in sports (I used to be an amateur middleweight boxer). I love them both dearly. - -That's why it hurts so much. Knowing that I'm nothing but a disappointment, a burden, a leech to them. I made the worst decision possible. After I finished high school, I got accepted into the best technical university in my country (it is so embarrassing to think back about it now, i actually thought it was an achievement.) to study (I'm ashamed to even type this, be free to laugh) software engineering. - - -I can't explain how a person can do something so stupid. I only recently found out that most programmers and software engineers with a masters degree (Which only about 15% of students finish) make minimum wage, if they are lucky. (I'm from the Czech Republic, central Europe.) Programming is a dying career here, everything is getting outsourced to the East, jobs are disappearing left and right. Moving to a different country is not an option, since I don't know any foreign languages (except for English, which I'm really not good at, as you can see. And most positions require you to know the language of that nation anyway, if you want to work in Poland, you got to know Polish, etc.) - - -It's soul crushing to think that all this hard work is worth nothing and even if I manage to finish my degree, I'm gonna be making the same salary as people with no education and skills whatsoever. -The minimum wage here in Czechia is not enough to afford even a 1 room apartment, so I'm either gonna live in my parents basement for the rest of my life, or I'm gonna end up homeless, if they decide to kick me out, and probably freeze to death when it gets cold. -But then again, I'm the only one to blame here. i should have been thinking more when choosing a career path. It's too late to change my profession now, firstly, because of all the money that my parents invested into it (I feel like crying writing that) and secondly, because I know deep down that I can only do this, that I would be a complete failure trying anything else. - -The moment reality of my situation hit me, my life took a bad turn. As you can imagine, having those thoughts every day just ravages your mental health. I can't sleep properly and there are sequences of days when I don't eat anything. I'm losing weight (i would be a lightweight boxer by now, but I stopped training anyway), my grades got worse. I get feelings of despair and misery every day. I don't smile anymore. I get no joy from anything. All my friends are gone. I'm very lonely. - - -I'm invisible to women. And I completely lost interest in pursuing relationships (no woman is ever gonna date a homeless software engineer). I can't remember the last time I had morning wood. I'm never going to have children. My bloodline ends with me. - - -Sorry for the wall of text. if you read it all the way here, you have my thanks.",1,title sum whole life perfectly born loving caring family father personal hero real masculine role model taught pretty much everything know mother gave love child ask always supportive good thing used always strict bad thing chose career path paid private school grateful high school best time life supported sport used amateur middleweight boxer love dearly hurt much knowing nothing disappointment burden leech made worst decision possible finished high school got accepted best technical university country embarrassing think back actually thought achievement study ashamed even type free laugh software engineering explain person something stupid recently found programmer software engineer master degree student finish make minimum wage lucky czech republic central europe programming dying career everything getting outsourced east job disappearing left right moving different country option since know foreign language except english really good see position require know language nation anyway want work poland got know polish etc soul crushing think hard work worth nothing even manage finish degree gon na making salary people education skill whatsoever minimum wage czechia enough afford even room apartment either gon na live parent basement rest life gon na end homeless decide kick probably freeze death get cold one blame thinking choosing career path late change profession firstly money parent invested feel like cry writing secondly know deep would complete failure trying anything else moment reality situation hit life took bad turn imagine thought every day ravage mental health sleep properly sequence day eat anything losing weight would lightweight boxer stopped training anyway grade got worse get feeling despair misery every day smile anymore get joy anything friend gone lonely invisible woman completely lost interest pursuing relationship woman ever gon na date homeless software engineer remember last time morning wood never going child bloodline end sorry wall text read way thanks -"so i have depression and anxiety for maybe 10 months and 2 months i opened about it to my mom , got a therapist and pysologist (whatever) at starting i was like everything is gonna be good but it's not , i realized ii dont wanna take the high dosage antidepressant and the therapist ain't for me and during all this i had my finals for class 9 / freshman of highschool . i did not study and bit and just was escaping the reality by playing games all day and avoiding my life and everything . so i got my results and i passed all subjects but did not pass science so i have to give retest . its on 25 and today is 23 and i have been ignoring everything - myself , my problems , my family and just talking to some people i made friends all day to avoid my life . i cannot avoid it anymore , i dont wanna play my life on repeat everyday . i also wanna redo the 9th grade but everyone thinks im dumb to waste a year but i really think i am not ready for the next year cuz of learning nothin this year and i just cannot do it . i think if i redo 9th grade it's a second chance im giving to meto make things better slow and without taking hell lotta stress . i used to be the perfect child , i wish i never got depression , it's ruining me and my mom's problems are increasing too . I WANNA STUDY BUT I CANNOT , I JUST DONT KNOW WHY . I FEEL SO NUMB . ANYONE GOT ANY ADVICE , PLZ",1,depression anxiety maybe 0 month month opened mom got therapist pysologist whatever starting like everything gon na good realized ii dont wan na take high dosage antidepressant therapist final class 9 freshman highschool study bit escaping reality playing game day avoiding life everything got result passed subject pas science give retest today ignoring everything problem family talking people made friend day avoid life avoid anymore dont wan na play life repeat everyday also wan na redo 9th grade everyone think im dumb waste year really think ready next year cuz learning nothin year think redo 9th grade second chance im giving meto make thing better slow without taking hell lotta stress used perfect child wish never got depression ruining mom problem increasing wan na study dont know feel numb anyone got advice plz -"I kept sacrificing a lot of myself for other people who were never gonna stay. I keep recreating those dynamics, and now that I'm aware of the people and behaviors to avoid I'm completely alone. I hate being alive. Everything is so much harder when you don't have any love and support, not that these connections I've lost were loving and supportive - -Everyday is just a reminder I'll never find my place",1,kept sacrificing lot people never gon na stay keep recreating dynamic aware people behavior avoid completely alone hate alive everything much harder love support connection lost loving supportive everyday reminder never find place -"Hello. I am neurotic with symptoms of anxiety disorder and has mild¿ suicide ideation. - -I am generally better the last 6 months. I have taken the past year off college to focus on taking care of myself. I went to therapy but had recently stopped so I could afford to go to school again this year. - -I think I have been doing well in implementing lifestyle changes that improve my mental well-being such as setting clear boundaries, reaching out, and eating, which is one of my biggest challenges. - -I still struggle to be consistent in aspects of taking care of myself but I wonder what changes do you suggest or have tried that helped you a lot in continuing to live? - -I struggle in finding joy or even interest in living and in times of difficulty, still ideate my death. I know I'm sick and that is something I should fix. I hope you could help me with your answers. They don't have to be big since small changes are more sustainable and less overwhelming. Thank you :-)",1,hello neurotic symptom anxiety disorder mild suicide ideation generally better last month taken past year college focus taking care went therapy recently stopped could afford go school year think well implementing lifestyle change improve mental well setting clear boundary reaching eating one biggest challenge still struggle consistent aspect taking care wonder change suggest tried helped lot continuing live struggle finding joy even interest living time difficulty still ideate death know sick something fix hope could help answer big since small change sustainable le overwhelming thank -Idk anymore. I'm just tired,1,idk anymore tired -"Been on Fluoxetine for years, but anyway there seems to be some stupid national shortage and I'm just constantly having to wait extra weeks for my meds and missing out so I'm just gonna come off them. I don't think they help anyhow. - -So the plan is to take one every other day for two weeks, then one every 3 days for a week, then one every four days for as long as they last. Does that sound like I could avoid withdrawal?",1,fluoxetine year anyway seems stupid national shortage constantly wait extra week med missing gon na come think help anyhow plan take one every day two week one every day week one every four day long last sound like could avoid withdrawal -"Now I know everyone will say “You need some fresh air , Get outta the house more often” I also have real bad anxiety so bad that I only go out one time a day I don’t like walking around with money on me or no money at all. Anyway I’ve been smoking weed and eating edibles for 5 years because I have real low self esteem and I don’t want to just be sad all the time , My boyfriend hates it because he says I don’t need all of that to be happy which is true.. But it’s already hard enough getting out of bed as it is. My boyfriend pretty much gets high as much as I do but it’s only Marijuana and THC that’s it nothing other then that. He thinks I should get out more , But when I’m out I get anxiety because I feel like I’m being stared at and judged. I love smoking weed because it’s good to laugh and when I’m high I’m not thinking about my low self esteem and body dysmorphia or wanting to harm myself . If you ask me it’s better then talking to a therapist/Psychologist",1,know everyone say need fresh air get outta house often also real bad anxiety bad go one time day like walking around money money anyway smoking weed eating edible year real low self esteem want sad time boyfriend hate say need happy true already hard enough getting bed boyfriend pretty much get high much marijuana thc nothing think get get anxiety feel like stared judged love smoking weed good laugh high thinking low self esteem body dysmorphia wanting harm ask better talking therapist psychologist -I have bad depression and anxiety over this. I need not only advice because I’ve been kicked out of hair subs but I need advice for what to say and how to explain to bullies in school about my big thick curly hair.,1,bad depression anxiety need advice kicked hair sub need advice say explain bully school big thick curly hair -"It is incredible how much your own mentality can manipulate you, the thing is that every day I feel alone and much more alone and with many thoughts. The thing is that I have friends who support me daily but I don't understand why my mind makes me think and feel that I am alone and that there is no one else. Everything that can affect just your mentality is very fucked up.",1,incredible much mentality manipulate thing every day feel alone much alone many thought thing friend support daily understand mind make think feel alone one else everything affect mentality fucked -"A little over four months ago, my relationship of over two years ended. My partner left me for the person they told me they couldn’t ever love more than me, and that I had nothing to worry about. I trusted them and they destroyed that. - -I moved back home, all the while they gaslit me into thinking it was my choice. Once I got home, almost a thousand miles away, I began to spiral. My family was in the midst of drama between my aging parents (one struggling with memory loss, the other with alcoholism). My dog from high school has also begun declining, and will be crossing the rainbow bridge any week now. - -Following the breakup, I struggled with alcohol and substance abuse for several months, which I’ve only just begun to get control of. I was sexually assaulted twice in the span of two months. My relatives have died of COVID. I’ve been unable to find a good job that actually uses my degree in the time since moving home as well. - -I find myself unable to form meaningful connections with friends or family. I can’t be open with anyone because I don’t feel I can trust them. I’m worried that anyone and everyone could leave me at a moments notice. I can’t get my ex off my mind and the feelings of inadequacy and abandonment are staying strong. I don’t feel the ability to love. - -I don’t know where I’m going with this, but it’s my first time posting here, and I guess I just need to know that I’m not alone, and that I can stop spiraling and live a good, fulfilling life. I need to recover from the fallout of what’s been my life for about 4 months now. - -I’m sorry if this isn’t the kind of post I should be making, but at this point, therapy and psychiatric treatment and medication are all failing me. What can I do? Where do I go from here?",1,little four month ago relationship two year ended partner left person told ever love nothing worry trusted destroyed moved back home gaslit thinking choice got home almost thousand mile away began spiral family midst drama aging parent one struggling memory loss alcoholism dog high school also begun declining crossing rainbow bridge week following breakup struggled alcohol substance abuse several month begun get control sexually assaulted twice span two month relative died covid unable find good job actually us degree time since moving home well find unable form meaningful connection friend family open anyone feel trust worried anyone everyone could leave moment notice get ex mind feeling inadequacy abandonment staying strong feel ability love know going first time posting guess need know alone stop spiraling live good fulfilling life need recover fallout life month sorry kind post making point therapy psychiatric treatment medication failing go -"It's my first post here and I'll try to keep it short. I'm male, 22, live in Greece, had depression from ages 14-22 (I don't have enough symptoms anymore to be classified as depressed) and I'm starting to feel lost. While the therapy and medication I have been taking for the past 6 months have definitely helped me through tough times, my biggest enemy is procrastinating especially with my university responsibilities. I don't love the subject I'm studying (chemistry) but I do think it can help me find a suitable job in the future so I can provide for me and my family and have free time for hobbies. What I'm having a really hard time with is motivation and discipline. I'm afraid that the lack of those 2 things can be the end of me. I'm constantly worried my gf might realise what a lazy person I really am and dump me despite her being really supportive of me. The only thing I don't want is grow to be 40-50 and not be able to have a good life with my wife and kids because of my mental problems...",1,first post try keep short male live greece depression age enough symptom anymore classified depressed starting feel lost therapy medication taking past month definitely helped tough time biggest enemy procrastinating especially university responsibility love subject studying chemistry think help find suitable job future provide family free time hobby really hard time motivation discipline afraid lack thing end constantly worried gf might realise lazy person really dump despite really supportive thing want grow 0 0 able good life wife kid mental problem -"Sorry if this is the wrong subreddit - - -For a long time in my life all I wanted was to have someone to be there for me. A person that could love me back as much I love them back. But now that I have it, I don’t know if it’s what I wanted. In my past I had suicidal friends that influenced a huge part of my life. I begin to realize how stupid living was and started to question why we live, I’m losing all my energy slowly and slowly. I find myself losing all motivation and having no goals or dreams anymore, this reddit is my last ditch effort on seeking help from other people, I’ve already started to distance from everyone around me. I know that I can’t be the only one that’s been or going through this. How were you guys able to keep your energy and have a positive outlook on life?",1,sorry wrong subreddit long time life wanted someone person could love back much love back know wanted past suicidal friend influenced huge part life begin realize stupid living started question live losing energy slowly slowly find losing motivation goal dream anymore reddit last ditch effort seeking help people already started distance everyone around know one going guy able keep energy positive outlook life -it’s all rainy and cloudy and stuff today for me but even if it wasn’t i’d still feel this way,1,rainy cloudy stuff today even still feel way -"I'm a 26 year old man and I'm in the worst state of my life right now. I started out my adult life by dropping out of college after 2 weeks due to depression and severe anxiety and getting $10,000 in debt. - -It took me 4 years to pay that and my car loan off and I was finally back to even financially. I spent thousands of dollars trying therapy, medications, chiropractor for my back issues and nothing helped me. I've tried exercise, healthy diet, yoga, everything I've ever been told to do to get better and it never helped me long term. - -I've been working dead end jobs ever since and barely scraping by each month while my body and mind deteriorate. I have so many untreated and likely some undiagnosed health issues and I barely have the energy to do my laundry once a week anymore and can't do anything else productive. I am too anxious to leave my room and even be around my roommates I've known since high school. - -I feel like I'm never going to escape the poverty loop. I finally broke even 4 years ago when I was 22 and now I'm back $5000 in credit card debt stressing me out every day. My car broke down and now have to Uber around town making my finances even worse. I failed at any goal I set in terms of trying to get a better career. - -I can't live like this working 40 hours a week at a dead end job with nothing bringing me enjoyment except food. I have no family to help me. I haven't had more than 2 days off a week since I was in high school. - -Why is the world punishing me because my parents ignored my health concerns growing up and they were too poor to help me afford college? It seems like everyone else who is as bad off as I am has their family to help support them through their finances and health issues whereas mine just exacerbated mine. - -I just can't do it any more. I broke down crying at work last night. I can't even stand working a job where I sit at a desk 8 hours a night and talk to 3 people per shift. I want to end it all so bad but don't know a painless guaranteed way to do it. - -I just want help and my country and state don't care about me and I have nobody else.",1,year old man worst state life right started adult life dropping college week due depression severe anxiety getting 0 000 debt took year pay car loan finally back even financially spent thousand dollar trying therapy medication chiropractor back issue nothing helped tried exercise healthy diet yoga everything ever told get better never helped long term working dead end job ever since barely scraping month body mind deteriorate many untreated likely undiagnosed health issue barely energy laundry week anymore anything else productive anxious leave room even around roommate known since high school feel like never going escape poverty loop finally broke even year ago back 000 credit card debt stressing every day car broke uber around town making finance even worse failed goal set term trying get better career live like working 0 hour week dead end job nothing bringing enjoyment except food family help day week since high school world punishing parent ignored health concern growing poor help afford college seems like everyone else bad family help support finance health issue whereas mine exacerbated mine broke cry work last night even stand working job sit desk hour night talk people per shift want end bad know painless guaranteed way want help country state care nobody else -"I’ve been suffering from bouts of depression since my dad died last year. I was already in the second semester of my master’s when it happened. I finished that semester (with the exception of my research methods course), and then I took a leave of absence. Then in September 2021, I went back to school to work on my placement at a political office until November. From January to March, I worked there part time until my contract finished, and told them that I would be focusing on my thesis until my school is finished. - -My thesis didn’t go as planned, and I can’t help but feel like I’ve let my supervisor down. She is super sweet and although she is very busy, she has been very supportive and knows what happened to my dad. My thesis ended up not having enough interviews, not enough literature, and I’d have to finish it by next week AND find a second reader in order to graduate on time. This was also my fault because I feel like I haven’t been taken my mental health seriously enough, as I have had so many days where I did not want to do anything. I’ve procrastinated so much as a result of fear, depression, grief, and burnout.. etc. I just have not mentioned this to my supervisor because I don’t want to be making excuses. It would take a MIRACLE for me to finish this all on time, and I really want to because it’s so expensive to pay for another semester. I’m feeling so depressed over this",1,suffering bout depression since dad died last year already second semester master happened finished semester exception research method course took leave absence september 0 went back school work placement political office november january march worked part time contract finished told would focusing thesis school finished thesis go planned help feel like let supervisor super sweet although busy supportive know happened dad thesis ended enough interview enough literature finish next week find second reader order graduate time also fault feel like taken mental health seriously enough many day want anything procrastinated much result fear depression grief burnout etc mentioned supervisor want making excuse would take miracle finish time really want expensive pay another semester feeling depressed -"i wake up and expect to deal w/ the same shit i had to yesterday, life is gettin boring to say the least",1,wake expect deal w shit yesterday life gettin boring say least -I never had illusions of grandeur growing up. I had a pretty low bar for what itd take to make me happy.,1,never illusion grandeur growing pretty low bar itd take make happy -"Every time I start to be stupid enough to believe that maybe I'm not crap or that things might be ok, something bad always happens. When I stay depressed and assume the worst and feel bad about myself, things usually remain about the same. What is the use of trying?",1,every time start stupid enough believe maybe crap thing might ok something bad always happens stay depressed assume worst feel bad thing usually remain use trying -"I’m currently on Prozac, Rexulti, and Buspar. I’m in a pretty bad place so my doctor added Wellbutrin to my medications. Generally, how long will it take to show improvement in fatigue and motivation if it works?",1,currently prozac rexulti buspar pretty bad place doctor added wellbutrin medication generally long take show improvement fatigue motivation work -"I really need to talk with someone just to ""break down"" or cry just release all of the shit that have been pilling up, People do notice that I'm depressed/something wrong but every time people ask if I'm okay I answer yes... I don't really know how to ask for help... I don't know who is ""being nice"" and who really care. how can I open up to someone?",1,really need talk someone break cry release shit pilling people notice depressed something wrong every time people ask okay answer yes really know ask help know nice really care open someone -"To clarify, I guess I was only happy because I was really high. But I stopped for a minute and started thinking. I was thinking about who I am and how much of a sad useless piece of shit I am. I was hanging out with a few people at the time so I had to shake the thoughts pretty quickly. Fuck I wish I could just forget who I am altogether. I'm getting tired of me.",1,clarify guess happy really high stopped minute started thinking thinking much sad useless piece shit hanging people time shake thought pretty quickly fuck wish could forget altogether getting tired -I hate myself and my self destructive behavior,1,hate self destructive behavior -"What depressing is that i have covid, stuck in my room for 7 days. Lost weight bc i havent been eating bc i think im a burden for asking for food. I actually thought my sisters would at least help me. My 17 year old sister is sleeping in the lounge room for the time being and whenever i ask if there food (kitchen is 5 steps away from living room) she doesnt check and say “idk, didnt look”. As for my twin, i ask her to her me smth and she would say “i cant be bothered tell j (younger sister) to get it” i only get snack and food when she’s already at the shops. I would do anything but why cant they do it for me. Im the oldest sister and i dont get respect. Its sad and depressing.",1,depressing covid stuck room day lost weight bc havent eating bc think im burden asking food actually thought sister would least help year old sister sleeping lounge room time whenever ask food kitchen step away living room doesnt check say idk didnt look twin ask smth would say cant bothered tell j younger sister get get snack food already shop would anything cant im oldest sister dont get respect sad depressing -"Self explanatory title. I can make it through the day when distracted with a busy day at work, or surrounded by friends. But as soon as I’m alone, or I have a minute to think, I realise how deeply unhappy I am in almost every aspect of my life. - -I don’t want to die. I know there’s things to live for, like family, friends, travelling, new careers, potential love and children and maybe being one day happy. - -But every day I wake up and struggle, I feel little parts of my health and sanity being chiseled off one by one. And I just don’t know how long I can do this for before I just give up.",1,self explanatory title make day distracted busy day work surrounded friend soon alone minute think realise deeply unhappy almost every aspect life want die know thing live like family friend travelling new career potential love child maybe one day happy every day wake struggle feel little part health sanity chiseled one one know long give -"While I wait for my school counselor to give me an update on the whole online school therapy thing, I was convinced to check out a confidential, free, and text based crisis hotline. It's apparently designed for teens like me who have noone in their life that they could talk to. Now, for me, personally, my experience was subpar. - -I don't want to disrespect the volunteer work there, but after the 2 successful attempts, one in the morning and one just 3 hours earlier, I felt like I was just a number on a waiting list. The system constantly kicked me out of the conversation, and the one time I actually had a decent conversation, it felt like they were trying to cast me aside as quick as possible. - -As soon as I mentioned that music helps me organize my thoughts at times, they told me to just listen to music and the conversation closed immediately after. Maybe I'm stupid, or maybe it's just my anxiety and paranoia, but they seemed annoyed. I guess it would help to say what I was expecting. - -I was thinking it would be a deep dive into why I feel the way I do, but it was more just a short session of giving me a metaphorical ice pack and sending me home with an old, stale lollipop. If I didn't feel worthless enough already, then well... - -As for the 2nd ""successful"" attempt, it was even shorter. They asked me how I was feeling, they asked a question to confirm what I said, I answered, and then the very next message was telling me that I must've stepped away and that the conversation had been closed. - -The automated reply also hit me with a stinger saying ""you matter."" It doesn't feel like it. It doesn't help that I had to reply ""STOP"" over and over because I kept getting auto replies from the bot. - -Needless to say, I have less faith that online school therapy will even put a dent in how I feel. - -TLDR: Seeking help, as many advise when situations like these crop up, hasn't worked this time around. And my already weak ability to see a good future for myself has withered away a bit more.",1,wait school counselor give update whole online school therapy thing convinced check confidential free text based crisis hotline apparently designed teen like noone life could talk personally experience subpar want disrespect volunteer work successful attempt one morning one hour earlier felt like number waiting list system constantly kicked conversation one time actually decent conversation felt like trying cast aside quick possible soon mentioned music help organize thought time told listen music conversation closed immediately maybe stupid maybe anxiety paranoia seemed annoyed guess would help say expecting thinking would deep dive feel way short session giving metaphorical ice pack sending home old stale lollipop feel worthless enough already well nd successful attempt even shorter asked feeling asked question confirm said answered next message telling must stepped away conversation closed automated reply also hit stinger saying matter feel like help reply stop kept getting auto reply bot needle say le faith online school therapy even put dent feel tldr seeking help many advise situation like crop worked time around already weak ability see good future withered away bit -"I 21M fucked up badly with my 19F ex girlfriend and now I'm so guilty of how I handled things I'm punishing myself mentally and physically. I've lost nearly 40lbs from not eating and going the gym so now I'm around 155lbs at 6'3. I don't leave the house unless I have to and I just exist in my room. Everytime I smile or laugh I stop instantly because I don't feel like I deserve to feel happiness anymore. I think I've had a mental breakdown because I'm so guilty all the time and I can't seem to forgive myself because it doesn't even feel real that I'd decide to make the choices I made. I don't even know who I am anymore if I can be so deeply confused at choices I've made in hindsight. - -Imagine knowing deep in your heart you've met the love of your life and you've thrown it all away because you can't handle a simple issue.",1,fucked badly 9f ex girlfriend guilty handled thing punishing mentally physically lost nearly 0lbs eating going gym around lb leave house unless exist room everytime smile laugh stop instantly feel like deserve feel happiness anymore think mental breakdown guilty time seem forgive even feel real decide make choice made even know anymore deeply confused choice made hindsight imagine knowing deep heart met love life thrown away handle simple issue -"I am 20 years old and genderfluid (they/she/he), and every day I am alive, I have no clue what is going on. My depression is mostly caused by my other disorders (ASD, ADHD, and OCD), and I've had it since junior high. Often, I feel so hopeless because those disorders all have their own comorbidities that mess with me on the day to day. I struggle with writing, spelling, understanding verbal words, social cues, my own emotions, if my thinking or the disorders, and more. There is just so much happening all the time at a nightmare level of complexity. It exhausts me and paints the world dull. I feel like I am always on the verge of imploding and exploding at the same time. People get mad at me for things I didn't know and expect so much from me, when right now this is all I got. My goal is to move far away, onto a hill in the middle of nowhere. It seems like the more the world asks of me, the less I do. Instead of a big moment breakdown, its little ones, like a car sputtering to a stop. - -This all being said, I know that my life will keep moving forward, and things will change. But right now it's just so hard to believe that. As if the world was against me since day one, ya know. Thank you for listening. If anyone can offer advice on dealing with this, I would v much appreciate it.",1,0 year old genderfluid every day alive clue going depression mostly caused disorder asd adhd ocd since junior high often feel hopeless disorder comorbidities mess day day struggle writing spelling understanding verbal word social cue emotion thinking disorder much happening time nightmare level complexity exhaust paint world dull feel like always verge imploding exploding time people get mad thing know expect much right got goal move far away onto hill middle nowhere seems like world asks le instead big moment breakdown little one like car sputtering stop said know life keep moving forward thing change right hard believe world since day one ya know thank listening anyone offer advice dealing would v much appreciate -"I dont want to die, but I dont want to live. Life is so lonely. I cannot for the life of me connect with anyone anymore. And my brain taunts me with the past connections that I DID have, but now gone. Because thats life. People, and things, come and go. And I need to be okay with being alone and working hard for my future, alone. But I see no point. We work, we meet people, we eat healthy, we work out, we take care of ourselves, but for WHAT?? to just die at the end? Its miserable. everyday is miserable. and the ""good times"" are so quick to end. and then youre back in your miserable, loneley relality, but after every good moment, the bad moments just get worse and worse. I have been excluded all my fucking life. and I dont feel a purpose, or community anywhere. I dont feel wanted.",1,dont want die dont want live life lonely life connect anyone anymore brain taunt past connection gone thats life people thing come go need okay alone working hard future alone see point work meet people eat healthy work take care die end miserable everyday miserable good time quick end youre back miserable loneley relality every good moment bad moment get worse worse excluded fucking life dont feel purpose community anywhere dont feel wanted -"I can't find the strength to do anything I'm supposed to do, like studying, going to the gym or finding a job. -I have been losing interest in things I used to like, to the point I don't enjoy doing them and they are becoming difficult to do because they are supposed to make me happy and being happy requires a lot of energy I don't have. By losing interests and things I like I'm running thin of things that keeps me motivated for living and hopes for the future. I have difficulties getting help because I don't think it is worth the effort for a hopeless person like me. I don't even think I deserve that help, considering the things I hate about myself. I don't even want to talk about this things with other people that care for me because with my point of view of the world and future might grab them down to this dark and hopeless vision. The only thing that keeps me from kms is that I know it would hurt people around me. I really need something to look forward, something that gives me the motivation to keep going.",1,find strength anything supposed like studying going gym finding job losing interest thing used like point enjoy becoming difficult supposed make happy happy requires lot energy losing interest thing like running thin thing keep motivated living hope future difficulty getting help think worth effort hopeless person like even think deserve help considering thing hate even want talk thing people care point view world future might grab dark hopeless vision thing keep km know would hurt people around really need something look forward something give motivation keep going -"15 year old here. -I hate myself so much. I wish I could be different, more motivated, I wish I wasn't so skinny, I wish I could be braver, funnier, more fun to be around, more cool, more outgoing and calm. -I'm an anxious loser who stresses over everything, but doesn't try and be better. -I wish girls would talk to me, thats all i want, a girl to like me, i wish i could feel the happiness of someone liking me",1,year old hate much wish could different motivated wish skinny wish could braver funnier fun around cool outgoing calm anxious loser stress everything try better wish girl would talk thats want girl like wish could feel happiness someone liking -"I’m probably most content when I’m by myself. Don’t need anyone to talk to or try to impress. - -But the moment I have to “fauxalize” (fake socialize, as I call it) and then I get completely irritated and annoyed by any and everyone. - -If they’re too happy, if they’re too talkative, if they stand too close, etc. - -My irritation level goes from 0 to 100 and I just want to completely remove myself from the situation before I blow a fuse.",1,probably content need anyone talk try impress moment fauxalize fake socialize call get completely irritated annoyed everyone happy talkative stand close etc irritation level go 0 00 want completely remove situation blow fuse -"Many times when I want to end the suffering I think of committing suicide or other methods to alleviate the pain such as starting to smoke, drink, drugs... there are times that I think that one of these methods can help me get through the bad moment I am going through, but There is always something that in the end prevents me because deep down I know that none of that will help me and that I join it that I can continue fighting as I do and the day will come when I will be free.",1,many time want end suffering think committing suicide method alleviate pain starting smoke drink drug time think one method help get bad moment going always something end prevents deep know none help join continue fighting day come free -" - -hey guys, im gonna be honest here. im a 15 year old stoner with a lot of mental health issues, i havent ever really had anyone i felt comfortable or safe opening up to. and i know it can be the same for a lot of other men of all ages. - -i wanted to create a subreddit of some sort as a safe place to vent, give and seek advice, for domestic or any other reason, as mens mental health problem seems to be kinda looked over. i'm looking for advice on how to grow that kind of community. I haven't had a safe place like that for me, and I dont want men to have the same problems or feel the same way. - -kindest regards, ""safewithus"".",1,hey guy im gon na honest im year old stoner lot mental health issue havent ever really anyone felt comfortable safe opening know lot men age wanted create subreddit sort safe place vent give seek advice domestic reason men mental health problem seems kinda looked looking advice grow kind community safe place like dont want men problem feel way kindest regard safewithus -"Of this sub? I really wish all that post on this sub could just find the peace they are looking for. But it seems like its just talking to a wall. A lot of posts have no responses, so why post? Is it to get it out in writing? Looking for other opinions? Wanting someone to say, hey, you are not worthless? Because I, like everyone else here, that reads these posts, is struggling with my demons. Do ordinary people read these posts and get a chuckle out of them? I dont have the answers. If I did, I would share with everyone here. So I apologize, this was a rant, and more questions.",1,sub really wish post sub could find peace looking seems like talking wall lot post response post get writing looking opinion wanting someone say hey worthless like everyone else read post struggling demon ordinary people read post get chuckle dont answer would share everyone apologize rant question -"I'm not interested in life. Theres things I'd like to do but I have no money to experience them. I dont have friends or any girls to share a relationship with. Life is bland -I have a job interview tomorrow. I'll probably get it. Now I'll have to show up and sell 10hrs of my life doing something I could care less about for some money. I hate everything. It's not enjoyable. Pandemic ruined everything. A girl I started really liking doesn't want to see me anymore because I'm not vaxed.. that one definitely hurt a bit she went cold on me. Please skip the anti/pro vax debate I'm over it & I'm not anti. - -I dont like leaving the house or dealing with people I dont see any point in this thing called life. It just drains me and I'd like it to end. Its simply exhausting & I get 0 enjoyment from it. It feels like a sadistic game. I just want it to end. I wont hurt myself I dont think I will. I dont know if I'm depressed. I either feel nothing or anger - I envy people who are blissfully happy enjoying life. I'd give anything have that. - -I dont need everything to be great but I'd at least like to not hate day to day life. I dont have much left in me anymore",1,interested life there thing like money experience dont friend girl share relationship life bland job interview tomorrow probably get show sell 0hrs life something could care le money hate everything enjoyable pandemic ruined everything girl started really liking want see anymore vaxed one definitely hurt bit went cold please skip anti pro vax debate amp anti dont like leaving house dealing people dont see point thing called life drain like end simply exhausting amp get 0 enjoyment feel like sadistic game want end wont hurt dont think dont know depressed either feel nothing anger envy people blissfully happy enjoying life give anything dont need everything great least like hate day day life dont much left anymore -"I’m so done with everything, I love my career but everyday is harder and harder to get up and go to class. I get home and just sleep instead of studying because I feel like absolute trash. I feel like nobody loves me or even cares about me. I feel like my friends don’t care that I am skipping classes and that I have literally stopped talking to everyone, I just stand there with them but don’t engage with anything because if I do I’m scared I’ll bust into tears. My best friend completely changed his behavior with me a few months ago and now I feel like he doesn’t like me anymore. I feel like the most unlovable, unlikeable person ever. Nobody has ever been in love with me. I have never kissed anyone or even held hands. I just want someone to care about me, to ask me about my day, to ask me how I’m feeling. It doesn’t even have to be romantic, I just want someone, anyone to care. I fear that my depression gets so bad that I stop completely going to class and I fail this semester. I don’t know what to do",1,done everything love career everyday harder harder get go class get home sleep instead studying feel like absolute trash feel like nobody love even care feel like friend care skipping class literally stopped talking everyone stand engage anything scared bust tear best friend completely changed behavior month ago feel like like anymore feel like unlovable unlikeable person ever nobody ever love never kissed anyone even held hand want someone care ask day ask feeling even romantic want someone anyone care fear depression get bad stop completely going class fail semester know -"I talk to myself for like 5 minutes. Sometimes this so intense that i my hand gestures too. There is always a intervention from my brain asking ""What am i doing"". This happens when i am stressed with some hypothetical issue which probably will never occur. For example:- - -What if i park my vehicle in a spot, how will my neighbor react if i some what unknowingly encroach on his parking spot. If this scenario plays out then what would be my reaction this issue. I just make some hypothetical scenarios about my interaction with my neighbor and how would i react to this so called dispute. There will be several different scenarios playing my mind with realte to this example. - -Please help me if this related to ADHD and if yes how severe is this?? If not ADHD then what is this",1,talk like minute sometimes intense hand gesture always intervention brain asking happens stressed hypothetical issue probably never occur example park vehicle spot neighbor react unknowingly encroach parking spot scenario play would reaction issue make hypothetical scenario interaction neighbor would react called dispute several different scenario playing mind realte example please help related adhd yes severe adhd -I fucking hate everyone and everything. I can’t take another day. Fck everyone on this planet. Why tf do I have to feel so shit all the time?!!! Fuck god he ain’t shit. He abandoned me!!Why tf do I have to feel so shit all the time while everyone else gets to enjoy their lives and get everything they want. I also hate people who take advantage of other people. I can’t wait to end it. I wish no one was around so I can do it. Idgaf about anything. That’s my rant.,1,fucking hate everyone everything take another day fck everyone planet tf feel shit time fuck god shit abandoned tf feel shit time everyone else get enjoy life get everything want also hate people take advantage people wait end wish one around idgaf anything rant -"You're easily replaceable, and trust me, they will replace you. If you're lucky, you'll be born into a loving and sweet family, but that's often not the case for most people. You're alone and will be alone for most of your time on this earth. You'll reach an expiration date for your usefulness, and they'll kick you to the curve. It doesn't matter if you're really struggling and barely hanging on, or if they're aware of what you're going through. And they'll give you every excuse in the book, but the simple matter of the fact is that they don't care about you anymore. What do you have to offer now?",1,easily replaceable trust replace lucky born loving sweet family often case people alone alone time earth reach expiration date usefulness kick curve matter really struggling barely hanging aware going give every excuse book simple matter fact care anymore offer -I just hate my parents for bringing me into this world and giving me a shitty childhood and shaping me into the worst version of myself. I can’t keep living like this,1,hate parent bringing world giving shitty childhood shaping worst version keep living like -Just a motivational quote,1,motivational quote -"My world has been falling apart for a decade I've finally hit the bottom. I need someone to talk to real bad, anybody I'm crying in an empty TeamSpeak ATM opening apps hoping to see someone",1,world falling apart decade finally hit bottom need someone talk real bad anybody cry empty teamspeak atm opening apps hoping see someone -"I don't know how to explain it. I had bad childhood and tbh I never felt love in my whole life. If I care for someone and they see this, they hurt me. I'm not only talking relationship but with overall people around me. And i have depression. I feel tired all the time and sometimes I can't even leave my bed...also I'm very paranoid.. I feel like everyone wants to betray me, us me and i have lost all the trust because of it. Don't Even feel like humans.",1,know explain bad childhood tbh never felt love whole life care someone see hurt talking relationship overall people around depression feel tired time sometimes even leave bed also paranoid feel like everyone want betray u lost trust even feel like human -How do you keep going when you feel like nothing is going well. ,1,keep going feel like nothing going well -"Life is fucking hard. That’s it. We care, which has left many of us with scars. Disappointment. Rejection. One of the few emotions we carry daily Bc we see no Hope. The overwhelming feeling that we should be doing more but what is the Fucking point. Just do something. Feel sorry for yourself. I feel sorry for you. I feel sorry for myself. Yet our dreams are keeping us alive, suffocating us to do something. No matter how little the task it makes a difference. So if you want to lay in bed, binge watch cinemas or sleep away your thoughts away, do what you must. Your Dream still lives on. We’re waiting for you when you wake up Rock5tar. 🤍🤟🏾🌎",1,life fucking hard care left many u scar disappointment rejection one emotion carry daily bc see hope overwhelming feeling fucking point something feel sorry feel sorry feel sorry yet dream keeping u alive suffocating u something matter little task make difference want lay bed binge watch cinema sleep away thought away must dream still life waiting wake rock tar -"Hedonist lover! Ive lost myself upon your devilish gaze. Smile razor blades cutting words vibrantly painting pictures with blood marking walls memories screaming out i will infest your subconcious like drapery beautiful silk of morbid whispers cover my body while my soul gently rocks in the winds, hedonist lover set me free!",1,hedonist lover ive lost upon devilish gaze smile razor blade cutting word vibrantly painting picture blood marking wall memory screaming infest subconcious like drapery beautiful silk morbid whisper cover body soul gently rock wind hedonist lover set free -"I’m just so tired I can’t do anything. There are 3 bags full of clothes and me took one and a half hour to unpack less than two of them. I also made a mistake of leaving myself with my own thoughts, so I began to spiral, starting with me being angry at my ex and ending on me having flashbacks from primary school (when I probably was also depressed), when I was every day after school sitting at my desk, trying to study or do homework, but I couldn’t even start or focus due to adhd and executive dysfunction. I was every day sitting at my desk after school, guilty over doing nothing and sitting like that until sleep time, only to get yelled at next day for getting another bad grade for not doing homework. - -I just despise almost everything in my life, my parents aren’t supportive at all, except providing therapy and meds (which is a lot, but they’re one of the reasons why my mental health is so bad since I remember). - -I can’t do anything and I’m useless, I might need to repeat my school year, cause I missed a lot of classes due to me literally being unable to get up. I don’t have energy or time for my friends, but I constantly vent to them and I know it’s annoying as heck for them, even though they claim that I can vent as much as I want to cause they do the same, but I just can’t go without telling someone how shitty I feel. And even if they read that stuff, they just respond with one word reply or sad emoji. My ex constantly stresses me out with his weird ass messages and I have to see him at school every day. - -I just feel like everything is just too much and definitely a lot more than I’m able to do. The biggest challenge in my day is waking up and taking any care of myself, but I’m also expected to help out with chores, study a lot for finals, be at every class and to not make everyone uncomfortable with how bad my mental health is. - -So right now I’m sitting and having mental breakdown (for hour and forty minutes already) with three bags of clothes waiting to be sorted, while I have private lessons in 20 minutes and my dad will get angry as fuck at me if I won’t get this done before those lessons. The worse part is just how no one even cares about that, not my friends, not my parents cause in their opinion I’m lazy and probably no one here too. The only person that cares is my therapist, who is paid to care about the fact that I more and more feel like killing myself over the simplest things like chores.",1,tired anything bag full clothes took one half hour unpack le two also made mistake leaving thought began spiral starting angry ex ending flashback primary school probably also depressed every day school sitting desk trying study homework even start focus due adhd executive dysfunction every day sitting desk school guilty nothing sitting like sleep time get yelled next day getting another bad grade homework despise almost everything life parent supportive except providing therapy med lot one reason mental health bad since remember anything useless might need repeat school year cause missed lot class due literally unable get energy time friend constantly vent know annoying heck even though claim vent much want cause go without telling someone shitty feel even read stuff respond one word reply sad emoji ex constantly stress weird as message see school every day feel like everything much definitely lot able biggest challenge day waking taking care also expected help chore study lot final every class make everyone uncomfortable bad mental health right sitting mental breakdown hour forty minute already three bag clothes waiting sorted private lesson 0 minute dad get angry fuck get done lesson worse part one even care friend parent cause opinion lazy probably one person care therapist paid care fact feel like killing simplest thing like chore -"About 8 months ago I had one of the worst days of my life and i was ready to call it quits. If it wasn’t for my closest friend stopping what he was doing to come see me I probably would’ve then and there. -Ps: this is an appreciation post",1,month ago one worst day life ready call quits closest friend stopping come see probably would p appreciation post -"I just got a new girlfriend. We both had sex last weekend and it was great. We’re both 16 and love each other. - -I’ve been pretty depressed during the past year and when i met her, everything changed. I though she would be my new world and she is. But something she told me broke my heart, and made me depressed again. - -One of her Crackhead mom friends had been touching her in the private area when she was younger. She told me this because she got flashbacks from that moment while i were doing the same to her. - -She didnt want to hurt me so she did not say anything. This made me furious and sad. I want to kill that motherfucker so badly. And now everytime we have sex she is going to be thinking about that moment. - -After this i told my self to never let this happend to her again. Although she will always be hurt it hurts me almost just as much to know this - -I need help, tips, support. Anything, please …",1,got new girlfriend sex last weekend great love pretty depressed past year met everything changed though would new world something told broke heart made depressed one crackhead mom friend touching private area younger told got flashback moment didnt want hurt say anything made furious sad want kill motherfucker badly everytime sex going thinking moment told self never let happend although always hurt hurt almost much know need help tip support anything please -"I recently lost a family member that I knew and met, I’ve only lost 2 so far in this same criteria. I’ve been not doing so well even before any of that. I feel like I’m on autopilot daily, I feel empty and nothing brings me joy, even the things I used to love and be passionate about. I have a hard time communicating anything to anyone because all I want to do is be quiet and pass through peoples lives as an invisible specter, aimlessly living to survive and be away from everyone, even the ones that want to be in my life. I have trouble sleeping at night, drinking makes me worse, smoking only amplifies my anxiety and existential crisis, meditating is useless now and I have no way to cope with what I’m feeling/ have been feeling for the past few years. It’s easier for me to type things out than it is to say them out loud, I find myself losing my mind in work and zoning out while staring at my wall on a daily basis. Does anyone have any advice for what I’m dealing with and how to manage some of this? I’m not one to normally ask for help but at this point, I’m willing to try anything to get away from this darkness that haunts my life.",1,recently lost family member knew met lost far criterion well even feel like autopilot daily feel empty nothing brings joy even thing used love passionate hard time communicating anything anyone want quiet pas people life invisible specter aimlessly living survive away everyone even one want life trouble sleeping night drinking make worse smoking amplifies anxiety existential crisis meditating useless way cope feeling feeling past year easier type thing say loud find losing mind work zoning staring wall daily basis anyone advice dealing manage one normally ask help point willing try anything get away darkness haunt life -"afters 3 years i finally had contact with a person i like. -I sleepover at her house quite often. -I like her alot and 2 days ago she told me that she is getting sent to psychiatry. -Why cant i just be happy. -Why is it all getting taken away from me.",1,afters year finally contact person like sleepover house quite often like alot day ago told getting sent psychiatry cant happy getting taken away -"I don't know what to do at the moment. Lately I've been crying almost everyday and I'm angry constantly. I felt that I had the obligation to please everyone (mom, boyfriend etc) but I forgot how to be happy, how to look forward for tomorrow.",1,know moment lately cry almost everyday angry constantly felt obligation please everyone mom boyfriend etc forgot happy look forward tomorrow -" - -Has anyone been prescribed Mirtazapine or Other Alpha-2 Receptor Antagonists to treat their anxiety? I would prefer not to use/start with SSRI's - -What was you experience?",1,anyone prescribed mirtazapine alpha receptor antagonist treat anxiety would prefer use start ssri experience -"Everything about how I act, and what I say, and how I say it, and about the way I move, and breathe, and everything I think, everything I like, everything I want, everything about my face and body, and the way I dress, and my life, and my future is fucking stupid. People eventually always realize this.",1,everything act say say way move breathe everything think everything like everything want everything face body way dress life future fucking stupid people eventually always realize -"Hello, i’ve been dealing with depression for what seems an eternity. i went through a pretty bad episode back in 2019 and it lasted all the way till half of 2021. I made some lifestyle changes and it worked at first ,but then my routine turned into a chore and i stopped doing it less and less. i’m at a point now where i feel exhausted, but i want so bad to continue being productive and i just can’t. i feel like i’m just lazy or that i’m using my mental health as an excuse, but i’m so tired some days. I’m 17 still and my mom prohibits the use of antidepressants or any medication that helps with chemical imbalances in the brain. I tried therapy, but i feel i could benefit more from taking medication. It’s a constant battle in my head, one side tells me to rest the other says that i can’t let myself go down bad again. ive missed a lot of school because of this but because of covid most of my work is in a laptop, so i’m missing days, but i still maintain good grades. i tried talking to my counselor and she said that she agreed that i needed further mental help, but because i’m a minor and my mom there’s not much we can do. i need help, i don’t know what to do anymore.",1,hello dealing depression seems eternity went pretty bad episode back 0 9 lasted way till half 0 made lifestyle change worked first routine turned chore stopped le le point feel exhausted want bad continue productive feel like lazy using mental health excuse tired day still mom prohibits use antidepressant medication help chemical imbalance brain tried therapy feel could benefit taking medication constant battle head one side tell rest say let go bad ive missed lot school covid work laptop missing day still maintain good grade tried talking counselor said agreed needed mental help minor mom much need help know anymore -"I'm 30 and I'm alone and it's tough to pretend I'm a whole person. - -&#x200B; - -I haven't made a friend since high school. I'm starting to befriend someone at work but it's giving me a lot of anxiety because - when am I going to say The Thing that makes her hate me? It feels like I have to do everything right to be social, or maybe I'm missing something that everyone else has, or maybe I'm just not cut out to be social. But to have friends you have to answer them -when they fucking text- regardless of what's going on in my life, and I just don't have the energy to keep up with that. I recently had someone tell me I was probably not doing well on Bumble BFF because I'm a slow responder. Sometimes I don't know what to say, sometimes words aren't happening in my brain, sometimes I'm just too tired. Maybe missing out on social things for all of my 20's is something I'm never going to be able to recover from. - -&#x200B; - -I've been in a lot of workplaces where I was ""the loser."" I had no friends, I'd catch people saying mean things about me, they all get together with each other and I'm not invited. I've been in multiple situations where groups of people don't like me and do shitty, passive-aggressive things to me every chance they get. I don't know what I do wrong. I try to just be a genuine, kind person. I get feedback that I'm nice, I know I'm not perfect but at least I've had some feedback that I'm not totally delusional to think I'm a nice person. But there have also been a few times where I know what I said. There have been a few times when I can pinpoint the off comment that makes someone turn on me, and it must be more than one off comment because it's always easy for that person to get a group to turn on me. It's terrifying to feel like at any moment, I can slip up and someone will just decide I'm not worth their time. - -&#x200B; - -And I never feel like I say the right thing. Some of my coworker's responses are lackluster (think ""lol"") and I just wonder if she even wants to talk to me? Making friends gives me the same anxiety that trying to date someone gives me. That's kind of fucked up, I should probably not care so much whether or not someone decides they want to be my friend. But also it affects me. I feel like I'm not worthy of friendship because so many people have decided I'm not worth their time. And honestly this is a big moment for me because this is the moment I realize I've internalized all that rejection and got to where I don't feel good enough for friendship. Why would someone pick me when I'm a ball of nerves? Why would someone want to hang out with someone who only feels like half a person? - -&#x200B; - -Lately I've been doing okay relative to the last 10 years. I finally got a job that doesn't feel like Chinese water torture. I'm on medication and that helps a ton. I'm a lot better about not letting myself slip into negative thought patterns. This week I haven't been feeling the overwhelming cloud of misery because I finally got medication that isn't expired and I'm taking it regularly. But every time I think about social stuff, it just gives me this.... squished feeling? I can't name the feeling but it's visceral, my body feels shitty. I'm going on a vacation with my mom and her work friends in a month and I'm so fucking nervous because what if I do The Thing that makes everyone hate me? I don't even know what the fucking thing is!! But spending four days with people who are talking crap about you in a small space.... I did that around this time last year and it was so bad. - -&#x200B; - -Okay. - -&#x200B; - -I'm a solution-oriented person and part of my problem is that I don't know how to fix this part of my life. I don't really know what the solution is to feeling unworthy of friendship. It took me eight years to figure out the solution to hating myself, and honestly even though it's a struggle it's also worth it to fight through those feelings and find an even timbre. Social situations are just approached totally differently from a mental health perspective. I've googled ""How to feel less lonely"" and the fucking answer was Make Friends. How do you make friends when you feel like nobody wants to be your friend (And for good reason!)? Therapists have basically told me to find a group and the friendships will happen naturally, but there's not a huge meet up scene in my area and I have a ton of anxiety about going to one, and the few I have been to were not great. I couldn't read the book on ""How to Influence People and Never Feel Powerless Again,"" I got halfway through it and it honestly felt like customer service kiss-ass bullshit, but this time I'm not even getting paid for it. That book makes me feel like I have to scrub my personality clean and poke myself into a small box to be socially acceptable. - -&#x200B; - -I just don't know. I'm going to keep trying different things. I'm going to keep putting myself out there because the only other choice is to keep doing things the same shitty way with the same shitty outcome. - -&#x200B; - -I needed this rant today and if anyone actually manages to read all that, thanks for your time and I hope both our days get better.",1,0 alone tough pretend whole person amp x 00b made friend since high school starting befriend someone work giving lot anxiety going say thing make hate feel like everything right social maybe missing something everyone else maybe cut social friend answer fucking text regardless going life energy keep recently someone tell probably well bumble bff slow responder sometimes know say sometimes word happening brain sometimes tired maybe missing social thing 0 something never going able recover amp x 00b lot workplace loser friend catch people saying mean thing get together invited multiple situation group people like shitty passive aggressive thing every chance get know wrong try genuine kind person get feedback nice know perfect least feedback totally delusional think nice person also time know said time pinpoint comment make someone turn must one comment always easy person get group turn terrifying feel like moment slip someone decide worth time amp x 00b never feel like say right thing coworker response lackluster think lol wonder even want talk making friend give anxiety trying date someone give kind fucked probably care much whether someone decides want friend also affect feel like worthy friendship many people decided worth time honestly big moment moment realize internalized rejection got feel good enough friendship would someone pick ball nerve would someone want hang someone feel like half person amp x 00b lately okay relative last 0 year finally got job feel like chinese water torture medication help ton lot better letting slip negative thought pattern week feeling overwhelming cloud misery finally got medication expired taking regularly every time think social stuff give squished feeling name feeling visceral body feel shitty going vacation mom work friend month fucking nervous thing make everyone hate even know fucking thing spending four day people talking crap small space around time last year bad amp x 00b okay amp x 00b solution oriented person part problem know fix part life really know solution feeling unworthy friendship took eight year figure solution hating honestly even though struggle also worth fight feeling find even timbre social situation approached totally differently mental health perspective googled feel le lonely fucking answer make friend make friend feel like nobody want friend good reason therapist basically told find group friendship happen naturally huge meet scene area ton anxiety going one great read book influence people never feel powerless got halfway honestly felt like customer service kiss as bullshit time even getting paid book make feel like scrub personality clean poke small box socially acceptable amp x 00b know going keep trying different thing going keep putting choice keep thing shitty way shitty outcome amp x 00b needed rant today anyone actually manages read thanks time hope day get better -"Addimitdedley never I thought I would still be here...28(M) , at some point I gave up and thought I would effectively die in some ill advised manner. - -Never planned to be in this situation, I have hope, a career and a wife now. - -Yet someday i""m waiting for it all to go up in flames , feels like my time is limited and I was never meant to get this far. - -Tittering on the edge of the abyss, honestly don't know if I have it in me to climb out again. - -Getting flash backs of being in that hole...I can't recall how I got out it before. In my case I can only describe it as Gods supernatural intervention. I hope He doesn't allow me to go through this again. - -Honestly don't know if I can do this again",1,addimitdedley never thought would still point gave thought would effectively die ill advised manner never planned situation hope career wife yet someday waiting go flame feel like time limited never meant get far tittering edge abyss honestly know climb getting flash back hole recall got case describe god supernatural intervention hope allow go honestly know -"So my wife has clinical depression. She was diagnosed two years ago and has actively been taking medications. I won’t lie, it gets hard sometimes but I’m trying to understand this more and more so that I can maintain my own stability and mental health while helping her when I can. Anyhow. - -So from an outsider’s point of view, sometimes it feels like my wife experienced something or does something and then the depression symptoms happen. Sometimes they boil over and sometimes you goes back into therapy to help. When I ask she says nothing specifically happened she just doesn’t feel good. - -Is this common? Can yo help understand how some of you experience an onset of symptoms? - -Tl;DR: Trying to understand to be there for my wife",1,wife clinical depression diagnosed two year ago actively taking medication lie get hard sometimes trying understand maintain stability mental health helping anyhow outsider point view sometimes feel like wife experienced something something depression symptom happen sometimes boil sometimes go back therapy help ask say nothing specifically happened feel good common yo help understand experience onset symptom tl dr trying understand wife -"I’m quitting my job today and I’m a wreck. This job has great people but the work and the 12 hour days most of the year has pushed me deeper into my depression than I can help. - -I feel like such a failure quitting such a prestigious job because I couldn’t handle it. My therapist is hyping me up and all of my friends and family are so supportive but I am so unsupportive of myself that all of it reads false. Has anyone quit their job before because of mental difficulties? How do you get excited about new opportunities rather than feeling depressed about past challenges??",1,quitting job today wreck job great people work hour day year pushed deeper depression help feel like failure quitting prestigious job handle therapist hyping friend family supportive unsupportive read false anyone quit job mental difficulty get excited new opportunity rather feeling depressed past challenge -"Some people are so incredibly good at faking confidence and man, it's hard to believe how charismatic and shit people who are anxious or depressed can be.",1,people incredibly good faking confidence man hard believe charismatic shit people anxious depressed -"Lots of depressed people out here just barely holding on to what little they have, if anything. Life is tough. - -Another day.",1,lot depressed people barely holding little anything life tough another day -"I know, problems have always existed. Many people who are depressed now, have been depressed before all of this shit happened. But, I cannot help but feel like two years of our lives have been taken away from us. - -Most people my age had to waste one year or more of their life doing college/university remote. I personally have witnessed multiple wars and conflicts break out over this time, so much death, so much stress, so much grief, anxiety and sorrow. - -Covid isn't the worst of what has happened recently, I feel like I don't need to mention what, the world has been going to hell. - -A lot of people are writing that ""nothing seems fun"", well. That's because it's not, we're not allowed to do anything. We're only allowed to be miserable, and watch each other suffer. - -Emotionally, financially, mentally... Physically - -Where has everything went wrong? Maybe this is all a cruel joke. Well, it's not funny",1,know problem always existed many people depressed depressed shit happened help feel like two year life taken away u people age waste one year life college university remote personally witnessed multiple war conflict break time much death much stress much grief anxiety sorrow covid worst happened recently feel like need mention world going hell lot people writing nothing seems fun well allowed anything allowed miserable watch suffer emotionally financially mentally physically everything went wrong maybe cruel joke well funny -Being loved by everyone. Having money to take care of my family. Giving back. Traveling the world 🌎 Getting up each morning working on projects. Having no insecurities. Being respected. Being King 👑,1,loved everyone money take care family giving back traveling world getting morning working project insecurity respected king -"I can't cope with being alone again. Why am I so envious of my closest friend being happy with others while I am here by myself, heartbroken, and given delusions that I have an actual special relationship with her. - -""You told me that I was your closest friend, but why don't you treat me like one? Why do you look happier when you're with others?"" - -""Why do you always make me look like a fool when I show my affection, but appreciate any other person when they show theirs?"" - -""I've always helped you at you at your lowest. But why did you give up on me at MY lowest?"" - -There's so much that I want to ask her, but I would look pathetic if I do. - -""You always tell me in person that I am important to you, but why don't you want to spend time with me like the way we used to?"" - -How can I get used to being alone again? It's like I'm being choked then allowed to breathe for a second just to get choked again right after. My envy won't let me go. I still want her. I am still hoping I could fix this. I want to be happy too. - -But now, nobody cares. If I show sadness, I'll be seen as weak. Why do others get loved and have dependable people with them? While I, am left alone, trying to find answers from people that are lonely too. - -May I ask, how can I depend on solely myself again? I need to learn how. I opened myself too much, and now I feel like a husk with everything taken out from me. I would not commit suicide, but I have no fear of death now, if it means taking away these thoughts away from me once and for all.",1,cope alone envious closest friend happy others heartbroken given delusion actual special relationship told closest friend treat like one look happier others always make look like fool show affection appreciate person show always helped lowest give lowest much want ask would look pathetic always tell person important want spend time like way used get used alone like choked allowed breathe second get choked right envy let go still want still hoping could fix want happy nobody care show sadness seen weak others get loved dependable people left alone trying find answer people lonely may ask depend solely need learn opened much feel like husk everything taken would commit suicide fear death mean taking away thought away -"It never gets easier. No matter how many years I wait, it’s not getting better. I never learn to cope properly, I don’t even feel the slightest bit more okay or hopeful even after three years of therapy. I am so fucking miserable. Every single day. Everything is so exhausting and I dread the fact that I have to wake up tomorrow and do something. I just want to be left alone. I can’t deal with all of this, I already shut down because of the smallest things. I have depressive episodes EVERY SINGLE DAY after work. I don’t want to live as a human being. I hate this stupid world and everything in it. I don’t want it. I never wanted to live in the first place. I’m so angry that I am forced to just exist because otherwise I’d make people feel sad. The joy I might feel for a few seconds once in a while doesn’t make up for how much pain I go through daily. -None of this is fucking worth it and everyone who says it is is either lying to themselves or incredibly stupid.",1,never get easier matter many year wait getting better never learn cope properly even feel slightest bit okay hopeful even three year therapy fucking miserable every single day everything exhausting dread fact wake tomorrow something want left alone deal already shut smallest thing depressive episode every single day work want live human hate stupid world everything want never wanted live first place angry forced exist otherwise make people feel sad joy might feel second make much pain go daily none fucking worth everyone say either lying incredibly stupid -"I hate it when people cheer me on, or encourage me or anything uplifting at all. Its hard to believe that they are genuinely saying that and not just saying it out of pity and just to be nice. For example, when I was younger, I hated being cheered on during races or competitions, even though I was so far behind. It felt horrible, miserable, and I was furious. I felt like fighting whoever cheered me on. Whenever people try to say something uplifting it just seems like they are being nice. If you are saying something just to be nice, it means its not true, and they feel bad for u. idk if this is a personal thing, but I just wanna know if anybody else can relate.",1,hate people cheer encourage anything uplifting hard believe genuinely saying saying pity nice example younger hated cheered race competition even though far behind felt horrible miserable furious felt like fighting whoever cheered whenever people try say something uplifting seems like nice saying something nice mean true feel bad u idk personal thing wan na know anybody else relate -"Today was a normal day. I have started keep a to-do list to tackle my depression. It not always necessary for me to everything on that list provided I have some definite reasons in my mind to not doing everything. Like okay I didn't cook today because the gas connection wasn't there. Also this list has helped me with my medication as sometimes heavy doses makes me feel forget to do small stuffs. -But something's left from the list undone and I don't have any particular reason for that except spending extra time resting or etc I feel horrible. And then a fear started to grow back of my head, that if I don't keep with that list I will again fall in depression. -Today after work I took some time off for myself. Then my boyfriend came over and we spent some quality time. But it also made me let for cooking my dinner. And as I planned to go for cycling after dinner, now I am constantly feeling horrible for not striking off one job from my list. And the absurd thing is I haven't even had my dinner yet. So I am already freaking out about something which probably I will have time to do. -This whole situation is not only giving me anxiety without any concrete reason but also making me feel guilty for enjoying something that I love.",1,today normal day started keep list tackle depression always necessary everything list provided definite reason mind everything like okay cook today gas connection also list helped medication sometimes heavy dos make feel forget small stuff something left list undone particular reason except spending extra time resting etc feel horrible fear started grow back head keep list fall depression today work took time boyfriend came spent quality time also made let cooking dinner planned go cycling dinner constantly feeling horrible striking one job list absurd thing even dinner yet already freaking something probably time whole situation giving anxiety without concrete reason also making feel guilty enjoying something love -"Hello..just need some music to listen and spend time - -Thank you💜",1,hello need music listen spend time thank -"Just booked to speak to my doctor about starting anti depressants. I suffer from Panic Disorder (agoraphobia developed from this), depression and GAD. On a couple different things at the moment but never had an SSRI. - -Haven't been prescribed yet, but zero doubt I will be. - -I just wanted to see what people have experienced with these, did they work for you? Did you face any unpleasant encounters with them? Any and all experiences you are willing to share I would be grateful for. - -I'm just nervous about starting them, my mind is quite foggy at the moment and its hard to get rid of my worries about them.",1,booked speak doctor starting anti depressant suffer panic disorder agoraphobia developed depression gad couple different thing moment never ssri prescribed yet zero doubt wanted see people experienced work face unpleasant encounter experience willing share would grateful nervous starting mind quite foggy moment hard get rid worry -"The first dog that my family ever got recently started experiencing seizures. We took her to the vets and we won't be able to find out what the problem is as it costs too much money. She is suspected of having a brain tumor and her steroid medication seems to be working. I just can't help but feel like there isn't much time left for her, and I can't deal with just the thought of her dying. - -All I know is that she'll be in a better place, and that she will have lived an amazing and happy life, but I'm completely broken.",1,first dog family ever got recently started experiencing seizure took vet able find problem cost much money suspected brain tumor steroid medication seems working help feel like much time left deal thought dying know better place lived amazing happy life completely broken -"I’m just an armature idiot. I’m not a pro bodybuilder despite being diligent for over 4 years in my training, I’m not a manager despite literally figuring out my current job from scratch and training everyone, I’m fucking short and pathetic and no one ever takes me seriously, I’m not competent since I’m a dumbass dropout, and my depression and self loathe has destroyed my social life. -How can I just go blip and never come back?",1,armature idiot pro bodybuilder despite diligent year training manager despite literally figuring current job scratch training everyone fucking short pathetic one ever take seriously competent since dumbass dropout depression self loathe destroyed social life go blip never come back -"Over lockdown I started binge eating to get through, it was fucking fantastic. I'd just get unbelievably stoned and eat and then suddenly it's tomorrow, I didn't have to deal with anything. But I don't enjoy eating anymore. I don't like food it sucks. And I'm at work and I pig out just to try make myself feel better because I guess that's what I do, and I felt horrible. So I thought 'hey, 23 is as good a year as any to develop an eating disorder' so I tried throwing up in the toilet and literally couldn't get anything up I just gagged. And then I pull back and suddenly the clouds change and I'm just bathed in sunlight, kneeling on the floor of a bathroom and I just couldn't stop thinking of those prayer adds that say 'try praying' and couldn't stop laughing for like 10 minutes. I wanted to share because I think it's really funny but who tf am I telling this story to? So you get it - -Anyways, now I feel spewy af and need a smoke, hope you enjoyed xo",1,lockdown started binge eating get fucking fantastic get unbelievably stoned eat suddenly tomorrow deal anything enjoy eating anymore like food suck work pig try make feel better guess felt horrible thought hey good year develop eating disorder tried throwing toilet literally get anything gagged pull back suddenly cloud change bathed sunlight kneeling floor bathroom stop thinking prayer add say try praying stop laughing like 0 minute wanted share think really funny tf telling story get anyways feel spewy af need smoke hope enjoyed xo -"I'll go back to the beginning. I started dating a girl I feel I really fell in love with. It lasted only 4 months, but I really felt something for her. There were a few times I asked to be intimate with her, with the last time her telling me she thought she was asexual. I was fine with that and was trying my best to adapt. She wasn't a touchy partner but my love language is touch. Whenever she asked to tone it down, I did everything I could to tone it down. Though, in hers and my whole friend group's eyes, I didn't try hard enough. - -She broke up with me over text with a long paragraph, not in person because our friend group probably told her I was shaking from anxiety. That morning, I talked to a friend who wasn't in the friend group about what I knew was going to happen. The girlfriend got very upset with me about that but I felt like I couldn't talk to anybody about it without them telling the girlfriend about how scared I was. I admit, talking to someone else instead of her was wrong, but I felt like if I talked to the girlfriend about how scared I was of the break up, it was going to get worse. - -She told me I made everyone uncomfortable, that I don't listen or have boundaries. After reading that long break up paragraph, I spiraled. I ran somewhere the group wouldn't find me and I completely broke down. It was so bad that I was taken to the hospital because of my thoughts of self harm and worse. - -I lost that friend group, that girlfriend, a lot of people from that place. There's only one person in that friend group that still talks to me and I think she's annoyed with how much I dream about everyone. - -No one in the group talks about me anymore. I was easy to get rid of and easy to forget. What sucks more is that this isn't the first time this happened in that group. I always knew that one wrong move and I was next. And then it actually happened. - -I haven't been able to keep track of time or my own memory. I haven't been sleeping well (either too little or too much). I've been using pot a lot more than I had before and I'm exhausted all day every day. All I want is to die.",1,go back beginning started dating girl feel really fell love lasted month really felt something time asked intimate last time telling thought asexual fine trying best adapt touchy partner love language touch whenever asked tone everything could tone though whole friend group eye try hard enough broke text long paragraph person friend group probably told shaking anxiety morning talked friend friend group knew going happen girlfriend got upset felt like talk anybody without telling girlfriend scared admit talking someone else instead wrong felt like talked girlfriend scared break going get worse told made everyone uncomfortable listen boundary reading long break paragraph spiraled ran somewhere group find completely broke bad taken hospital thought self harm worse lost friend group girlfriend lot people place one person friend group still talk think annoyed much dream everyone one group talk anymore easy get rid easy forget suck first time happened group always knew one wrong move next actually happened able keep track time memory sleeping well either little much using pot lot exhausted day every day want die -"i dont know what's wrong with me i live in the Philippines and im a 15 years old boy. i used to be a honor student when we still had face to face classes but we had online classes for the past 2 years and in my first year of online class i got lucky and passed but now I don't know what im doing anymore im not doing anything productive I don't know what's happening I can't do anything right I can't even force myself to eat or take a bath or get out of my room i haven't eaten for half a day and i just feel bad all the time i always have this bad feeling in my stomach everytime i get messaged by my teacher about my missing projects and i do my everything to avoid it I don't know why but everytime i see something about school i get dizzy and i skip it immediately i can't even sleep anymore because everytime i sleep i get nightmares about not doing my schoolworks i dont know if im just overreacting or im just lazy but i hate this feeling so much the disappointment of my parents when they find out every semester that i always have missing schoolworks the feeling in my heart and stomach i would rather die everytime i feel it i just want to dissapear everynight wishing to not wake up anymore wishing that i dont have to wake up and have the exact same feeling i might be overreacting about this but i just really want someone to talk to. it always has a chain reaction of overthinking and it leads to my childhood traumas like how i got sexually assaulted by my cousin when i was at the age of 6 everytime i came to their house to ""play"" they would teach me inappropriate things that leads me into being exposed to pornography at such a young age they made me do things that pleasure them and i used to think that it was just normal and something that friends do. i still blame myself for not stopping them and that i didn't say no. i have always hated myself i wanted to live someone else's life anyone but me i dont want to be myself anymore i just want to dissapear i hate this feeling but I don't know what it is.",1,dont know wrong live philippine im year old boy used honor student still face face class online class past year first year online class got lucky passed know im anymore im anything productive know happening anything right even force eat take bath get room eaten half day feel bad time always bad feeling stomach everytime get messaged teacher missing project everything avoid know everytime see something school get dizzy skip immediately even sleep anymore everytime sleep get nightmare schoolwork dont know im overreacting im lazy hate feeling much disappointment parent find every semester always missing schoolwork feeling heart stomach would rather die everytime feel want dissapear everynight wishing wake anymore wishing dont wake exact feeling might overreacting really want someone talk always chain reaction overthinking lead childhood trauma like got sexually assaulted cousin age everytime came house play would teach inappropriate thing lead exposed pornography young age made thing pleasure used think normal something friend still blame stopping say always hated wanted live someone else life anyone dont want anymore want dissapear hate feeling know -"The number one reason I'm severely depressed is the fact that I can never get a foothold in life. I'm like this powerful rocket on the launch pad that never takes off. Rockets have phenomenal thrust potential, but they need a team of people to actually allow it to succeed at what it was built for. I need friends. I need family. I need people to actually work ""with"" me. I'm 53 years old and have yet to find a foothold to allow me to ascend the mountain for success. I've worked so hard. I've worked countless hours. I've dedicated my heart and soul to excellence. I even started my own company a few years ago, but a company cannot simply run itself. You need clients, investors and people that actually believe in what you're doing in order for that to reach its fully potential. I have all this stored up, explosive thrust...yet, no way to get any of it off the launch pad. I can have all the desire, integrity, energy, die-hard spirit and tenacity....however, I can't do it alone. In a world of untapped potential, I feel absolutely isolated and alone. I'm incredibly intelligent and resourceful, yet....I'm still broke financially and can't ever find a way to get a leg up. It takes more then one person to succeed. I can't continue to give 1,000% while this world turns a cold shoulder to me and gives nothing in return. It doesn't and can't work that way. So...yeah, I'm depressed and teetering on the edge of a mental breakdown because life isn't working ""with"" me. It's constantly working against me and to my ultimate demise.",1,number one reason severely depressed fact never get foothold life like powerful rocket launch pad never take rocket phenomenal thrust potential need team people actually allow succeed built need friend need family need people actually work year old yet find foothold allow ascend mountain success worked hard worked countless hour dedicated heart soul excellence even started company year ago company simply run need client investor people actually believe order reach fully potential stored explosive thrust yet way get launch pad desire integrity energy die hard spirit tenacity however alone world untapped potential feel absolutely isolated alone incredibly intelligent resourceful yet still broke financially ever find way get leg take one person succeed continue give 000 world turn cold shoulder give nothing return work way yeah depressed teetering edge mental breakdown life working constantly working ultimate demise -"I think I am meant to die in obscurity. I’ve been working here for almost 3 years and learned everything from scratch. This company is just a mess yet I’ve got nowhere else to go. Last year, we had a new guy start and he ended up being my best friend. I trained him. We literally know everything about each other and we’ve gotten close. But one thing that bothered me was that he’s gotten two promotions. Not just small promotions-I’m talking management/business partner promotions within less than 3 months. Here I am who knows the service center and struggling to keep our employee happy and training new people YET I keep getting overshadowed. - -I’ve given up on everything now. It’s clear to me that I personally don’t matter anywhere. - -I have to die so I can be reborn or just never be born agai. Into this pathetic life. - -I’m too nice and I’m short and dropped out of college. - -I’m happy for him because I’m such a nice guy. And I know his story so I know it’s not nepotism and he would be a great fit…but so would I. -Not even a freaking interview-just to be a temporary solution for a permanent manager….so why set yourself up for failure AND USE SOMOENE WHO HAS NOT BEEN IN THIS ROLE IN OVER 3 MINTHS AND AVOID THE ONE PERSON WHO TOOK EVERYTHING ON AND LEARNED EVERYBING FROM SCRATCH AND LITERALLY GOT A PAY INCREASE A YEAR AFTER BECAUSE THEY DIDDINT FUCKING REALIZE I HAD WORKED FOR OVER 10 YMFYCMI G YEARS KILL ME NOWJILLMEKILLEMEMEMEMEMENEDIEDIEDEIDEKILLME",1,think meant die obscurity working almost year learned everything scratch company mess yet got nowhere else go last year new guy start ended best friend trained literally know everything gotten close one thing bothered gotten two promotion small promotion talking management business partner promotion within le month know service center struggling keep employee happy training new people yet keep getting overshadowed given everything clear personally matter anywhere die reborn never born agai pathetic life nice short dropped college happy nice guy know story know nepotism would great fit would even freaking interview temporary solution permanent manager set failure use somoene role minths avoid one person took everything learned everybing scratch literally got pay increase year diddint fucking realize worked 0 ymfycmi g year kill nowjillmekillemememememenediediedeidekillme -"I just can’t. I’m too weak, too pathetic, too lazy, too cowardly. I’m going to kill myself.",1,weak pathetic lazy cowardly going kill -"I failed my behind-the-wheel test for the third time. God knows how many times I took and failed the written exam. Though I seem to be doing fine when I’m driving with my husband. - -I wonder if me and driving is not just meant to be. I suck at everything 🙁😞😞😞",1,failed behind wheel test third time god know many time took failed written exam though seem fine driving husband wonder driving meant suck everything -I just can't people and the thought of how I am uninteresting and awkward in social situations makes me sick.,1,people thought uninteresting awkward social situation make sick -"I'm just wondering if starting on antidepressants again after having taking a break, is it still 1-2 months I have to wait for them to kick in again? I'm assuming so but I was also hoping maybe it'd be sooner. I've been off fluoxetine for about a month or so I think, it's hard to keep track and I feel like I'm spiralling back into feeling hopeless, kinda dream-like where I can never keep up with everything. I know I shouldn't have stopped but I'm so forgetful and it was so hard keeping up with staying on schedule with taking my meds. - -I'm also thinking maybe I should ask my doctor about an ADHD diagnosis? I was with a free service (Headspace) with a clinician helping me with my mental health but I feel like they weren't helping me enough, don't get me wrong I really really appreciate everything they did for me but it just felt so long getting answers between the sessions and I did try bringing these things up to my clinician. It was kind of a toss up between me possibly having ADHD or Autism but since I'm an adult and I live in a small town in Australia there's no psychologists or anything who can formally diagnose me here. We were doing zoom calls with an actual psychologist at times but these were very long months apart and it felt like nothing was happening, he also couldn't tell me if it was Autism/ADHD since he didn't have the qualifications. It was hard juggling the schedule with my job I had recently gotten and I kept forgetting to go to my appointments, then I kept forgetting to take my meds. Eventually I stopped going to Headspace and was no longer enrolled in their program. I felt like I would be fine, I could deal with it but I just can't. - -I feel so damn isolated, like I'm on another plane of existence sometimes. I struggle so much to keep up with everything, I struggle so much to connect with people and communicate genuinely without having to mask or act. I just don't know what to do since the only other way I can get a proper diagnosis is going to the nearest big city and paying a lot of money for that diagnosis. It's $600 for a doctor to tell me if I have Autism or not and I don't even know how to go about the ADHD diagnosis. Another $500 for the flight and accommodation too. Should I try and save money for the diagnosis? I feel like my friends and family dismiss me so much about my mental health too. They make me feel so doubtful like I'd be wasting money, like I'd go over there and I'd be told nothing is wrong with me. I can save the money but I'm afraid of my friends and family being right about this sort of thing.",1,wondering starting antidepressant taking break still month wait kick assuming also hoping maybe sooner fluoxetine month think hard keep track feel like spiralling back feeling hopeless kinda dream like never keep everything know stopped forgetful hard keeping staying schedule taking med also thinking maybe ask doctor adhd diagnosis free service headspace clinician helping mental health feel like helping enough get wrong really really appreciate everything felt long getting answer session try bringing thing clinician kind toss possibly adhd autism since adult live small town australia psychologist anything formally diagnose zoom call actual psychologist time long month apart felt like nothing happening also tell autism adhd since qualification hard juggling schedule job recently gotten kept forgetting go appointment kept forgetting take med eventually stopped going headspace longer enrolled program felt like would fine could deal feel damn isolated like another plane existence sometimes struggle much keep everything struggle much connect people communicate genuinely without mask act know since way get proper diagnosis going nearest big city paying lot money diagnosis 00 doctor tell autism even know go adhd diagnosis another 00 flight accommodation try save money diagnosis feel like friend family dismiss much mental health make feel doubtful like wasting money like go told nothing wrong save money afraid friend family right sort thing -"I haven’t had a mental breakdown in a while because I’m practicing to not let things get to me as much as I did before. Now a days I’ve been feeling sad, not wanting to talk to people, getting angry and crying. I cried for about 2 days now and I don’t know how to get back to normal. I’m scared that I might go back in my black hole and that would be terrible because I don’t think I can stop the thoughts if they yell loud enough. I’m scared because I might fall back and listen, it’s miserable in the black hole. Honestly I’ve been pushing so hard in 2022, I just want someone tell me that they are proud of me and to keep pushing please. - -If you’re a father please note that you are because I would love to hear it from a dad. Father’s are their daughters first love but not in my case so please help me out.",1,mental breakdown practicing let thing get much day feeling sad wanting talk people getting angry cry cried day know get back normal scared might go back black hole would terrible think stop thought yell loud enough scared might fall back listen miserable black hole honestly pushing hard 0 want someone tell proud keep pushing please father please note would love hear dad father daughter first love case please help -I didn’t do the best in school. I doubt I’ll have any success. I hate blaming it on other things but I was homeless for a little while and constantly on the edge of being homeless and I knew it. I was physically abused and have ptsd because of it. I’ve struggled with substance abuse. I’m just feeling like I’ve already messed up and I don’t even have good memories of my childhood. I don’t know what to do. I’m only 19 and I’m just over it all. I don’t see it getting better. Im closed off from my friends and family. I barely see them. Im just so lost mentally.,1,best school doubt success hate blaming thing homeless little constantly edge homeless knew physically abused ptsd struggled substance abuse feeling like already messed even good memory childhood know 9 see getting better im closed friend family barely see im lost mentally -"Depressed college student checking in. I literally get 7-9 hours of sleep every single night. I dont drink or abuse substances and am in good shape. For the love of god i cannot get my ass out of bed. I seriously cant. Im having really poor attendance issues becayse of this. I hate what i do. I see no point in all of this struggle to just fuckin exist. All this hell i go thru, debt, stress and burnout is all so i can have a chance at a shit show 9-5 job. My school loves to make life unnecessarily hard to keep students from graduatin on time so they can suck more ane more $$$ from us. Getting out of bed is my biggest challenge. Its all full circle. Im depressed. I dont like what i do and i dont feel that what im doing is effective. I'm anxious about my future and dont know what to do about it. All i look forward to doing is sleeping. Eating is a chore, showering is a chore, being awake is a hassle. The cost of existance has won. It beat the life outta me.",1,depressed college student checking literally get 9 hour sleep every single night dont drink abuse substance good shape love god get as bed seriously cant im really poor attendance issue becayse hate see point struggle fuckin exist hell go thru debt stress burnout chance shit show 9 job school love make life unnecessarily hard keep student graduatin time suck ane u getting bed biggest challenge full circle im depressed dont like dont feel im effective anxious future dont know look forward sleeping eating chore showering chore awake hassle cost existance beat life outta -"I'm 14, and my doctor diagnosed me with anxiety yesterday. Meanwhile my mom doesn't leave any chance to make me feel inferior, ""keep barking"", ""the world would be a mess if there will be 2-3 more like you"", ""thank god I didn't have another child"" are some common terms I hear everyday, but let's skip that. - -I workout almost everyday and took a 4 day break due to a minor injury while bench pressing, but now I'm just not feeling ok. I worked out today and my forearms got so fatigued that I could do nothing, so I started with abs, again, nothing, then leg stretching, again, nothing. I'm tired of myself, i couldn't even tell the doctor what's happening with me, I'm hitting myself of anger, I'm shouting, I'm throwing the weights here and there and what not. I've been feeling really off and am feeling weird, my chest is heavy, my throat is heavy, im not able to cry, I'm not able to do anything ...",1,doctor diagnosed anxiety yesterday meanwhile mom leave chance make feel inferior keep barking world would mess like thank god another child common term hear everyday let skip workout almost everyday took day break due minor injury bench pressing feeling ok worked today forearm got fatigued could nothing started ab nothing leg stretching nothing tired even tell doctor happening hitting anger shouting throwing weight feeling really feeling weird chest heavy throat heavy im able cry able anything -"I am 30s trying to achieve my goals. But I stay on bed doing nothing for several months…I live alone and feel loneliness all the time. - -I want somebody to get motivated together on daily basis to overcome our problems.",1,0 trying achieve goal stay bed nothing several month live alone feel loneliness time want somebody get motivated together daily basis overcome problem -I usually brush it off with excuses but it's time to be honest with myself. I'm actively in a depression episode. Feeling like crying constantly and it's exhausting to do anything. No interest in living just existing and my meds aren't working for it. So here I am. Depressed and feeling stuck,1,usually brush excuse time honest actively depression episode feeling like cry constantly exhausting anything interest living existing med working depressed feeling stuck -"I passed the part where the withdrawal made me feel crap. I'm slowly becoming the person I was before meds. But I really didn't miss it. My insecurity is the highest it's ever been in years. I've been ignoring school. I've gained weight. There is always this sound in my head saying no one actually wants me. My usual cheerful self feels forced now. It's weird how the feeling I had for years can feel so foreign. I don't know, as long as my family doesn't know about it it's okay i guess.",1,passed part withdrawal made feel crap slowly becoming person med really miss insecurity highest ever year ignoring school gained weight always sound head saying one actually want usual cheerful self feel forced weird feeling year feel foreign know long family know okay guess -" -i'm tired of trying but sadly i'm insistent or maybe i never actually tryed something? -im alone since ever, i've never had friends or someone special, never dated, anything. the only relationship that was all the time on my head was the one with myself, or maybe how much this relation was needed. and it feel the same about having a family, i think of leaving them and start living for me and my own and only life for literally the first time... -im going to a therapist now, it took me long and hurtful years to accomplish this, im really proud of me for taking this step alone and even hyped kinda faithful -but honestly... i'll never recover around my family, and that sucks cause i don't have money yet and not even a job, im not able to work thanks to depression, my family pay my shit and make sure to remember me this every day, that's my biggest shame, but on the inside i know that i can't do that for me now -but the feeling that i'm a total waste of life will never fade away, cause i never did it. i never lived but i saw too much. i have so many meS on me that i don't know which one is the actual me. i believe i'm still a child, 7 years, when my first trauma happened. there's no memories from moments before or after this age, only from my emotions and fears... and it's scary af cause they're all fears of a little girl. -it's all the same cold, not sure of anything but know a lot, not alive enough to feel but feeling too much at the same time. and i'm the same girl, alone, scared and sad, willing for help but with no one to ask besides me. -been living through other ages and others versions of myself every one with their personalities and the 7y me me living the alternative stories that in the end is probably another part of another time of my existence... -but i'm lost on who or what i am... -i'm still scared from the bad -today the bad from inside -that's the worst one... growing in silence, causing confusion and suffering, turned myself into a monster to protect me but made me forever guilty for losing my own respect. dangerous in all. the scariest is that the real cunning and devious danger is inside. i still wonder when i'll get home even though i have no idea of where or what home is or feels like",1,tired trying sadly insistent maybe never actually tryed something im alone since ever never friend someone special never dated anything relationship time head one maybe much relation needed feel family think leaving start living life literally first time im going therapist took long hurtful year accomplish im really proud taking step alone even hyped kinda faithful honestly never recover around family suck cause money yet even job im able work thanks depression family pay shit make sure remember every day biggest shame inside know feeling total waste life never fade away cause never never lived saw much many me know one actual believe still child year first trauma happened memory moment age emotion fear scary af cause fear little girl cold sure anything know lot alive enough feel feeling much time girl alone scared sad willing help one ask besides living age others version every one personality living alternative story end probably another part another time existence lost still scared bad today bad inside worst one growing silence causing confusion suffering turned monster protect made forever guilty losing respect dangerous scariest real cunning devious danger inside still wonder get home even though idea home feel like -"So why do I still feel so depressed? - -I survived a horrible brain injury twice. -I did well in school and went to college and earned a degree. -I found love and got engaged. -I attended again and got a second degree. -I'm working in the field I wanted to in the speciality that I love. -I have friends and family who love me. -I do the things that I enjoy doing. - -I feel hopeless. -I feel worn out. -I am bored with life at only 27. -I feel pessimistic. -I feel depressed. - -Does anyone else feel like they've done all the right things, followed all the right steps, and are still depressed? - -I know this process takes time but it's hard to feel motivated to continue trying when for almost eleven years nothing I'm doing is helping.",1,still feel depressed survived horrible brain injury twice well school went college earned degree found love got engaged attended got second degree working field wanted speciality love friend family love thing enjoy feel hopeless feel worn bored life feel pessimistic feel depressed anyone else feel like done right thing followed right step still depressed know process take time hard feel motivated continue trying almost eleven year nothing helping -"the only time i enjoy this life is when i'm next to my laptop but i cant stare at it for ever. i'm always uncomfortable outside my room it's the only safe place. i have been told to face reality many times before and when i do i always end up worrying others with my mental state. so this time i think i'll face reality head first and i'm sure some of them will be sad. i know people care for me but i don't care about myself, but i care them so by doing this im just helping them long term right? Im sorry for hurting,confusing,etc others I never meant to.",1,time enjoy life next laptop cant stare ever always uncomfortable outside room safe place told face reality many time always end worrying others mental state time think face reality head first sure sad know people care care care im helping long term right im sorry hurting confusing etc others never meant -"I feel so tired, so exhausted, I sleep most of the day away and have no reason to get up, things are hard and my life is in a bad spot, on one had I feel like I wanna let go and let the tears flow but on the other hand I just feel so empty and they don't even wanna come out. I just sit here staring at the same spot in the wall with no drive to do anything anymore, I'm not sure the Anti-Depressents are even helping me much anymore, they're gonna run out soon anyways because of some bullshit with my insurance, that's nice. I just feel like I need to get out, get some where far away and if I don't soon things are gonna end badly. I have nightmares about my emotional support animal dying still, it's so hard to get over it, my friends keep checking in on me because I'm not active and say it's fine and I can vent but I feel I'm letting them down. I don't even drink to escape and feel like I can't anyways because an abusive drunk father I had got violent when he did and I'm scared of ending up like him. This is a vent post so I don't expect any replies out of it, I just really needed to let this out, and I obviously couldn't tell a therapist because I'd just be put in a damn hospital and billed out of my ass for it.",1,feel tired exhausted sleep day away reason get thing hard life bad spot one feel like wan na let go let tear flow hand feel empty even wan na come sit staring spot wall drive anything anymore sure anti depressents even helping much anymore gon na run soon anyways bullshit insurance nice feel like need get get far away soon thing gon na end badly nightmare emotional support animal dying still hard get friend keep checking active say fine vent feel letting even drink escape feel like anyways abusive drunk father got violent scared ending like vent post expect reply really needed let obviously tell therapist put damn hospital billed as -"Recently I anonymously posted on my uni Facebook page just to vent about my constant self-doubt and how I struggle to do well in the course I WANT to succeed in because it's a dream job (you can post anything there as long as it's uni-related). - -Most comments were nice, but this one, absolutely unnecessary comment told me I should give up and how it's UNFAIR that I'm taking up space for others who will do 'better' in my course. - -Like HUH??? - -I know what they said is so off track and I should 100% ignore it cus they're a fking loser who knows nothing about everything, but I can't help but have it repeated in my head because I already have such a lack of self-confidence in my skills and I genuinely believe that I'm not cut out for it. - -But I know damn well that I'm trying what I can to achieve a goal, despite everything around me. - -But yeah, needed to let this out. I can't believe people like him exist. (+ it wasn't even JUST my post, he shat on everyone else who was struggling with uni. How sad can your life be to do that).",1,recently anonymously posted uni facebook page vent constant self doubt struggle well course want succeed dream job post anything long uni related comment nice one absolutely unnecessary comment told give unfair taking space others better course like huh know said track 00 ignore cu fking loser know nothing everything help repeated head already lack self confidence skill genuinely believe cut know damn well trying achieve goal despite everything around yeah needed let believe people like exist even post shat everyone else struggling uni sad life -"I wqs wondering after I remember myself trying lots of meds... Im currently on risperidona 20mg and its working like a charm - -What dose do you guys use of your med and what type of med for profound/ psychotic depression?",1,wqs wondering remember trying lot med im currently risperidona 0mg working like charm dose guy use med type med profound psychotic depression -Why there is psychosis in profound depression? Whats the chemical explanation ?,1,psychosis profound depression whats chemical explanation -"&#x200B; - -1. How do u deal with the loneliness when living alone. -2. How do u engage yourself -3. Who do u talk to (I literally crave some human being to talk to but have only few friends)",1,amp x 00b u deal loneliness living alone u engage u talk literally crave human talk friend -"My parents recorded a great deal of my early childhood so there is a lot of footage of me when I was very young. I used to be the most innocent and carefree little boy who never even once thought about what others thought about him or the way he looked. I never cared about being lonely. It was just me with me and my mom and dad, and I was the happiest kid in the world. The smallest things made me smile. Years later I am now miserable and wishing I was dead. I barely even speak to my parents anymore and I push away and resent everybody around me. My parents are heartbroken by the fact that I don't speak to anyone. I'm horrified by how shit my life has become and how terrible of a person I am now due to my own mental health deteriorating beyond control. I had so many friends a year ago, but all I do is push people away and be a burden. Seeing what I used to be and comparing it to what I am now makes me want to cry. Every time I see a little kid being happy and innocent I wish so badly that I never grew up and I could have remained a happy little boy forever.",1,parent recorded great deal early childhood lot footage young used innocent carefree little boy never even thought others thought way looked never cared lonely mom dad happiest kid world smallest thing made smile year later miserable wishing dead barely even speak parent anymore push away resent everybody around parent heartbroken fact speak anyone horrified shit life become terrible person due mental health deteriorating beyond control many friend year ago push people away burden seeing used comparing make want cry every time see little kid happy innocent wish badly never grew could remained happy little boy forever -i cannot change the bad in me. i feel hopeless. i do not want to hurt. i always want to make the best out of the worst. i do not want to hurt,1,change bad feel hopeless want hurt always want make best worst want hurt -"I just got another thing I have to look out and care for, overcame the college exams and finally found one more freelance deal to keep me fed. - -Anyway, jobs got cancelled because of Covid-19 but it's an online tutoring, what does it has to do with covid? - -I'm doing all I can with every option I have. I work consistently but why does it always have to be so one-sided? - -I have 4 days left with only little money enough for a single meal until I MAY get the chance to work. - -There are phone and landlines bill which I wouldn't be able to work without, yet still unpaid because college says fuck you and pay us or we kick you out because I didn't have enough to enroll for this term. - -why - -why - -why... - -I want to die but I can't, I don't want to make people I care about sad but this is not fair..",1,got another thing look care overcame college exam finally found one freelance deal keep fed anyway job got cancelled covid 9 online tutoring covid every option work consistently always one sided day left little money enough single meal may get chance work phone landline bill able work without yet still unpaid college say fuck pay u kick enough enroll term want die want make people care sad fair -"Hello strangers! This is just a vent post, so I'll try to be thorough. If I'm going to suffer on account of my own bad decisions, I might as well try to get some upvotes out of it. - -He blocked me on his snapchat. Although I have thought about reaching out and trying to patch things up via other texting apps I'm pretty sure he's done with me. - -I need to mention that we weren't technically dating, and I've only been ""together"" with him about a month. - -You wanna know the best part? I was the one who actually hurt him. I can't even claim to be the victim here. Every shitty emotion currently pinning me down is 100% deserved. All because I was having a bad day, and decided to smother my emotions in the company of another dude. - -It was only a month, nothing has really changed in my life. I'm still 19 years old, I'm still going to college, I'm still not attending classes and I'm still just as shitty as I was before. - -Someone asked me once where I wanna be in five years. If I'm lucky, my the time I'm twenty four I'll be long dead. - -I've been thinking about ending my life almost every day. I don't really see a way out of this endless cycle of bad emotions. I'm just scared that I'm too much of a coward to go through with it. - -I guess I want to know if it gets better. I want someone to tell me that I'm not too far gone and there's still hope for me, even if I don't believe it myself.",1,hello stranger vent post try thorough going suffer account bad decision might well try get upvotes blocked snapchat although thought reaching trying patch thing via texting apps pretty sure done need mention technically dating together month wan na know best part one actually hurt even claim victim every shitty emotion currently pinning 00 deserved bad day decided smother emotion company another dude month nothing really changed life still 9 year old still going college still attending class still shitty someone asked wan na five year lucky time twenty four long dead thinking ending life almost every day really see way endless cycle bad emotion scared much coward go guess want know get better want someone tell far gone still hope even believe -"just completely drained of all impulse. feel like my body is a big doll, and it just leaked all its air. And i'm just completely deflated. I sold out, gave up on my beliefs. I wasted my young years loving someone who doesn't love me. gave in to every compulsion and spent my years as a sidekick as a passerby as a ghost - -i don't even feel like dying or living or anything. i'm just deflated, dissaociated. i feel like i'm just the memories that my body have, and those memories are all terrible or associated with terribleness. like i'm stuck in a dark room, and can only hear the same stupid dumb anticlimactic story over and over and over again - -there is no point or reason or value or meaning to anything. i honestly don't understand how ppl can walk in cities and think this urban hell is real. we live in a horrible dystopian hell.",1,completely drained impulse feel like body big doll leaked air completely deflated sold gave belief wasted young year loving someone love gave every compulsion spent year sidekick passerby ghost even feel like dying living anything deflated dissaociated feel like memory body memory terrible associated terribleness like stuck dark room hear stupid dumb anticlimactic story point reason value meaning anything honestly understand ppl walk city think urban hell real live horrible dystopian hell -"I once had some talent, looks, charm and a sense of the endless possibilities of life and existence - -But I blew it all with terrible decisions. Now I stand here with head bowed, beaten, destroyed. The oyster is rotten.",1,talent look charm sense endless possibility life existence blew terrible decision stand head bowed beaten destroyed oyster rotten -"For long in a while I hit a down again and that comes with a lot of thinking. Like last time when I felt like that I distanced myself from my friends and they didn't even bother to ask me what is wrong with me. I'm an really introverted person but ask them all the time how they are doing and offer them my support. I ask myself when they would (if) they start to ask themselves where I am if I would just dissappear without saying anything. - -I can't believe I am posting in this sub again but I don't know who to tell stuff like this.",1,long hit come lot thinking like last time felt like distanced friend even bother ask wrong really introverted person ask time offer support ask would start ask would dissappear without saying anything believe posting sub know tell stuff like -"So I came out of Clinical depression like 7 months ago. I was never on meds. I somehow used affirmations and mental exercises. However, today when I still see people battling mental illness and not address it and be in this successful relationship in front of the world and them coming to me with their relationship issues which points back to their mental health. I find this so ironic and makes me feel stupid for healing completely. Cause in this world we live in a healed person is punished with solitude and a person who is goin thru their trauma has support from someone or something. I don't even know what this cycle means. I just wanna know and be for someone out there.",1,came clinical depression like month ago never med somehow used affirmation mental exercise however today still see people battling mental illness address successful relationship front world coming relationship issue point back mental health find ironic make feel stupid healing completely cause world live healed person punished solitude person goin thru trauma support someone something even know cycle mean wan na know someone -"I am not sure if this is the right place for it but last Friday one of my classmates told me ""jokingly"" to jump out of a window (she has been doing that joke for over a month). I've had it up to here so I said I'd blow my head off. - -On the weekend I tried to hurt myself and went to the emergency room on Monday. They prescribed me some Lexapro and I went home, relieved that I finally got some help. - -Half an hour after I returned home 6 cops stormed my apartment saying they received a hint from the school that I was gonna hurt myself and they searched my whole apartment for a gun (which I don't have so they obv didn't find one) and restrained me. They then took me to the same hospital I was at just half an hour ago and I spoke to the psychiatrist there again, who told the police I am not a threat to myself or someone else. So they let me go again. - -During that they took my phone and it ran out of battery and I didn't have access to it for like 3 hours or more. During that time two of my classmates messaged me asking why I blocked them and they attacked me, not knowing my phone ran out of battery and that's why I didn't answer. They then blocked me and I explained to them on Instagram what happened and they read it but didn't care apparently. - -My classmates apparently told our headmaster they were ""worried"" and then he called the police. I am getting the proper help from all of my teachers and my headmaster and I have an appointment with our schools psychiatrist soon. - -It's just that this whole police incident has left me panicking and crying when I see a police officer/car and everytime someone with heavy boots walks on my apartment floor I sit up thinking the police will come back again. I also can't sleep properly and can't distract myself because I keep having horrible flashbacks of the scene when the police stormed in which leaves me breaking down. It left me broken, traumatized, overwhelmed and desperate because I don't know what to do. - -On top of that my classmates all blocked me, are ignoring me and not even looking at me. Talking about being ""worried"" and not even one person asked me if I was alright or how I was doing. - -I am considering going back to the emergency room and talking to the same psychiatrist from before but it's not really an emergency you know? - -Sorry if this text is long, I am just overwhelmed and don't know what to do anymore. All I know is I am traumatized as fuck and broken. - -What should I do? Someone please assure me that everything is gonna be okay because at this point all my hope has left me.",1,sure right place last friday one classmate told jokingly jump window joke month said blow head weekend tried hurt went emergency room monday prescribed lexapro went home relieved finally got help half hour returned home cop stormed apartment saying received hint school gon na hurt searched whole apartment gun obv find one restrained took hospital half hour ago spoke psychiatrist told police threat someone else let go took phone ran battery access like hour time two classmate messaged asking blocked attacked knowing phone ran battery answer blocked explained instagram happened read care apparently classmate apparently told headmaster worried called police getting proper help teacher headmaster appointment school psychiatrist soon whole police incident left panicking cry see police officer car everytime someone heavy boot walk apartment floor sit thinking police come back also sleep properly distract keep horrible flashback scene police stormed leaf breaking left broken traumatized overwhelmed desperate know top classmate blocked ignoring even looking talking worried even one person asked alright considering going back emergency room talking psychiatrist really emergency know sorry text long overwhelmed know anymore know traumatized fuck broken someone please assure everything gon na okay point hope left -Everyone says “it gets better” I have wanted to kill myself since 16. I’m 25 now and I wish I had done it then. I wish I was brave back then because things are only worse now.,1,everyone say get better wanted kill since wish done wish brave back thing worse -"I have already had a bad start to my day. I was in a car line about to drop off my daughter and my foot accidentally left the pedal and i bumped into the car in front. (Absolutely no damages or scratches left) she comes out immediately saying “you stupid bitch…” n a bunch of profanity at me…i have my 2 kids in the car under 6yo and I’m pregnant so i avoid all confrontation…plus she’s threatening to put her hands on me. The cops come…they give her my insurance info and as of now she has already filed a claim with them…the only thing I’m stressing about is telling my husband…he’s so emotionally abusive and it just sucks…it was an accident and i know he’s going to talk mess to me ….i just wished i had a more supportive husband by my side…I’ve already had a bad day..I’ve already had enough emotional abuse at the hands of my mother…and sometimes i feel like he’s worse…and i just can’t continue living like this any longer…he won’t let me divorce him either…i can only imagine the custody battle he will drag me through….i have no job and no where to go…no one to lean on…I’m just feel..so stuck…even if i did leave, he physically won’t let me leave with my kids…and if i leave when he’s not here, I’ll be scared of the threats…",1,already bad start day car line drop daughter foot accidentally left pedal bumped car front absolutely damage scratch left come immediately saying stupid bitch n bunch profanity kid car yo pregnant avoid confrontation plus threatening put hand cop come give insurance info already filed claim thing stressing telling husband emotionally abusive suck accident know going talk mess wished supportive husband side already bad day already enough emotional abuse hand mother sometimes feel like worse continue living like longer let divorce either imagine custody battle drag job go one lean feel stuck even leave physically let leave kid leave scared threat -Even the most basic tasks are super difficult to do. This is most likely going to be my final week on this shitty planet and it's most certainly going to be my final post.,1,even basic task super difficult likely going final week shitty planet certainly going final post -"I am 34 years old, and I have been diagnosed with anxiety disorder and depressive problems since I was 18. - -I have no one. I don't have anyone to talk to when I have a problem. - -My family, it's not even that they don't want to help me, it's that they don't want to listen to me. They have even blamed me for part of their problems. My father tried to kill himself over 20 years ago when I was little and I have always been afraid that he would do it again. A few years ago, I was very bad, and my father told me that when he saw me like that, he wanted to crash the car into a wall. How could I share my problems in such a situation? - -I do not have friends. I may have had at some point years ago, but never particularly close. And the one who was closest to me, when he found out about my problems, he started to distance himself from me, apart from telling many more people what I told him in private. - -I have no one to vent to, no family or friends. I left my psychologist to whom I paid 70 euros per session, because she came to call me selfish for being depressed and not being in the same situation as a beggar, a cancer patient, or a person from Ukraine. This last one seemed totally outrageous to me. - -I do not know what to do. I'm sick all day, no one to vent to or talk about anything. Just my medication that doesn't work for me lately. - -And so with 34 years. I can't get any better. Just survive day to day.",1,year old diagnosed anxiety disorder depressive problem since one anyone talk problem family even want help want listen even blamed part problem father tried kill 0 year ago little always afraid would year ago bad father told saw like wanted crash car wall could share problem situation friend may point year ago never particularly close one closest found problem started distance apart telling many people told private one vent family friend left psychologist paid 0 euro per session came call selfish depressed situation beggar cancer patient person ukraine last one seemed totally outrageous know sick day one vent talk anything medication work lately year get better survive day day -I feel the need of depending on people for me to feel better and more comfortable but I don’t think that’s the right way to go but at the same time I’m not even sure how I could better myself on my own it’s probably the most difficult thing I’m doing and I just feel really nervous right now and I hate that I sleep so late it’s honestly bugging me and affecting me so much I just want someone who truly cares about me to say I’ll do alright that I’ll find a way to overcome this. It feels uncomfortable to cry at times I can’t even do it really anymore it just last a few seconds and then my state of mind changes and my brain just goes through these phases of different feelings.Im not sure what I’m gonna do tonight but I guess the only thing I can do is be on my phone and just have this pain in my chest last till I pass out,1,feel need depending people feel better comfortable think right way go time even sure could better probably difficult thing feel really nervous right hate sleep late honestly bugging affecting much want someone truly care say alright find way overcome feel uncomfortable cry time even really anymore last second state mind change brain go phase different feeling im sure gon na tonight guess thing phone pain chest last till pas -This week hasn’t been any short of just sad. I sprained my ankle on Sunday and have been using crutches because of it. I’m on my college campus so getting to classes has been super difficult. My ex and i went no contact on Sunday and I’ve just been crying over that so much because i still am very much in love with them and miss them so much. Over the past couple of weeks I’ve been rejected from at least 10 jobs. I was waiting to hear back from this summer internship position yesterday. I put my heart and soul into the application. Other people have received their acceptance emails around 10pm last night but i have yet to hear anything and because they said they’d reach out to us yesterday if we got accepted i can just assume that i didn’t get the position. That just feels like the straw that broke the camels back. There hasn’t been an hour within the past couple days where i haven’t cried. I just feel so hopeless and so alone. I feel myself slipping back into depression and it sucks so much. I just don’t feel like there’s anything i can do atp.,1,week short sad sprained ankle sunday using crutch college campus getting class super difficult ex went contact sunday cry much still much love miss much past couple week rejected least 0 job waiting hear back summer internship position yesterday put heart soul application people received acceptance email around 0pm last night yet hear anything said reach u yesterday got accepted assume get position feel like straw broke camel back hour within past couple day cried feel hopeless alone feel slipping back depression suck much feel like anything atp -"This past year has been my “get out of hand” year. -I normally handle my depression well, I know what triggers low points, I know how to get myself out of my funks. I know how to manage its -But this year? Oh this year has beat the ever loving shit out of my mental health. I had a baby and got PPD really bad, I have PTSD from being in a horrible accident with my best friend and having him literally die while I was trying my hardest to stop the bleeding, and the anniversary of his death is coming up on the 31st. The only person I EVER would talk about it with was our friend Sarah who was dating his brother and she really took me in and helped me the weeks following his death. I had started drinking heavily and just being wreck-less and not caring if anything happened to me. She was the biggest ball of sunshine and positive person I had ever met. And She killed herself last month. I didn’t even know she was depressed. So my mind is a wreck right now. She was my positive person, my rock. And she couldn’t handle her sadness and took her own life. And I feel even more horrible because how selfish was it of me to not see that she wasn’t okay? -I have cried every day for two weeks. I am angry and hostile and don’t want to be around anyone. I don’t even want to me around my own kids. My mom temporarily moved in for the next couple of weeks because of how bad I was getting. My neighbors are even texting me asking if I’m okay. And I have hit the point where I don’t even try faking it. I just say no, no I’m not okay.",1,past year get hand year normally handle depression well know trigger low point know get funk know manage year oh year beat ever loving shit mental health baby got ppd really bad ptsd horrible accident best friend literally die trying hardest stop bleeding anniversary death coming st person ever would talk friend sarah dating brother really took helped week following death started drinking heavily wreck le caring anything happened biggest ball sunshine positive person ever met killed last month even know depressed mind wreck right positive person rock handle sadness took life feel even horrible selfish see okay cried every day two week angry hostile want around anyone even want around kid mom temporarily moved next couple week bad getting neighbor even texting asking okay hit point even try faking say okay -"I couldn't take the pain anymore, so I locked up my emotions and feelings and when I have to interact with others, I fake it. - -I know that when I let them back in, it's going to be catastrophic but I need it. - -being on ice feels good every now and then. what scares me is that when i was little i used to do it without realizing it for weeks at a time and i didn't know how to get out of it. now i ""check"" myself from time to time to see what state i'm in and whether it's time to get out of it or not - -I think I'll stay in the ice for 2-3 weeks i think ...",1,take pain anymore locked emotion feeling interact others fake know let back going catastrophic need ice feel good every scare little used without realizing week time know get check time time see state whether time get think stay ice week think -"It’s one thing to feel bad mentally but when I’m constantly feeling physically ill as well it makes trying to get myself to do positive things so much harder - -I can never just feel okay not mentally or physically - -Always in some sort of pain and always feeling like shit - -Then when you ask for help you just get out on a 2 month waiting list",1,one thing feel bad mentally constantly feeling physically ill well make trying get positive thing much harder never feel okay mentally physically always sort pain always feeling like shit ask help get month waiting list -"Everything is a really weird blur. Not all the time but these waves of blur come and go. Does anybody else have this? It's like I'm existing but.. not really? Dead but alive, deaf but I can hear, blind but I can see.. What is this?",1,everything really weird blur time wave blur come go anybody else like existing really dead alive deaf hear blind see -"School, work, talents, cultural knowledge, relationships, health, physical appearance. There’s always someone better than me and no matter how hard I try, the results are mediocre. Nothin outstanding. I shouldn’t have existed. Everything I’ve done amounts to nothing.",1,school work talent cultural knowledge relationship health physical appearance always someone better matter hard try result mediocre nothin outstanding existed everything done amount nothing -"I just want to be left alone. I wish people would stop reaching out. I just need alone time to heal. I don’t share that I have depression with my family or friends so that makes it weirder. They probably think I’m rude, but regardless, I wish I would be left alone.",1,want left alone wish people would stop reaching need alone time heal share depression family friend make weirder probably think rude regardless wish would left alone -I try to play video games but just quit immediately and the same thing happens with my guitar I just can’t do either one,1,try play video game quit immediately thing happens guitar either one -I'm alive because I wanna outlive all the mfs who gave me truma.,1,alive wan na outlive mf gave truma -"I'm not sure if this is the right subreddit to go to but I don't know where else to go. My spouse has struggled with severe depression his whole life. It is genetic, his dad was the same. Any amount of pressure makes him worse. He constantly feels as though life is not worth living and he's a lost cause, he will never feel okay and just wants the pain to go away. We have a baby coming any day now and I was worried that pressure was gonna send him over the edge. We have been talking about having him voluntarily go to a psych ward and see if they can help, kinda as a last ditch effort before I just give him permission to end it.. - -Today he talked to his counselor about going to one in a few weeks after the baby was here, and they came and picked him up an hour later. He is pissed, doesn't Want to be there, which I understand Is normal. He feels completely betrayed by his councellor and never wants to go back. I'm worried that now he is going to pretend like he is fine just to get out. The point of this is to get help why won't he just take it? I'm scared the mental hospital won't help at all. I just need you guys who have been there before to be honest with me. Did it help? What things helped and what made it worse? If it does help or when he comes back home, what are some things I can do to continue the healing process, or just make his life easier? Anything else you feel to share please do. I hate not knowing things and this is really killing me right now",1,sure right subreddit go know else go spouse struggled severe depression whole life genetic dad amount pressure make worse constantly feel though life worth living lost cause never feel okay want pain go away baby coming day worried pressure gon na send edge talking voluntarily go psych ward see help kinda last ditch effort give permission end today talked counselor going one week baby came picked hour later pissed want understand normal feel completely betrayed councellor never want go back worried going pretend like fine get point get help take scared mental hospital help need guy honest help thing helped made worse help come back home thing continue healing process make life easier anything else feel share please hate knowing thing really killing right -Why can't people like me? What did i do wrong? Am I really just a shitty person? I've known for a long ass while that no one likes me but I've just ignored that fact and smiled and tried to socialize with others. It just makes things worse and I'm just an annoying fuck. I just wanna know why I'm annoying. I've accepted all of this today and realized that no one gives a fuck about me. Even my own family thinks I'm just a burden. Why can't people just like me,1,people like wrong really shitty person known long as one like ignored fact smiled tried socialize others make thing worse annoying fuck wan na know annoying accepted today realized one give fuck even family think burden people like -"I hold a lot of pain and trauma in me, and I’m not good at sharing it with others except for a very select few (I have started therapy recently). - -Sometimes this pain really takes control of me, almost puts me in a black hole where I can’t stop, and it takes a big toll on me and those closest to me mentally. Therefore, I am hurting the people I love most in my life. And the pain only gets worse. - -I wish I can stop but I get so deep in this hole for that moment of time and I can’t escape it. When I realize how awful I have been to everyone else, it’s too late, the damage has been done. They understand my trauma and what I been through but people can only handle so much. - -I don’t want to hurt those around me anymore. What are the best tips to stop or just improve over time? Thank you",1,hold lot pain trauma good sharing others except select started therapy recently sometimes pain really take control almost put black hole stop take big toll closest mentally therefore hurting people love life pain get worse wish stop get deep hole moment time escape realize awful everyone else late damage done understand trauma people handle much want hurt around anymore best tip stop improve time thank -What can I do besides tell someone that someone is bullying me?It keeps my depression even worse.Thx for the help.,1,besides tell someone someone bullying keep depression even worse thx help -"I have been going for 6 months to a new therapist and originally the goal was to just do self care like shower, eat, take my meds stuff like that. I had graduated college and moved to a new city to start my first big boy job and I was struggling with the life transition. Now I have everything together, I take care of myself, i have a stable career, I go out on the weekends, I have a strong healthy relationship but I’m still depressed. - -Every session it seemed like she was seeking goals out of me but I just don’t have any. I have everything but I’m not happy and I can’t come up with anything that would bring me happiness when I have everything I would need. - -Last night the topic of session was my connection with people which I had made a goal out of last month but after getting to the end of it I made the statement that I don’t know if I even want to make or strengthen these connections and she got frustrated with me and mentioned taking a break until I had a goal set and that my depression could just be my personality at this point since I have been dealing with it since I was 15 (I’m 23 now). - -I’m just upset with myself and I don’t really know what to do. I’ve had 3 therapists in my life and none have really helped, I know I have to do the work but it’s hard for them to guide me when I don’t even know what direction to go in. -I guess I just need to get another or more antidepressants or something, idk.",1,going month new therapist originally goal self care like shower eat take med stuff like graduated college moved new city start first big boy job struggling life transition everything together take care stable career go weekend strong healthy relationship still depressed every session seemed like seeking goal everything happy come anything would bring happiness everything would need last night topic session connection people made goal last month getting end made statement know even want make strengthen connection got frustrated mentioned taking break goal set depression could personality point since dealing since upset really know therapist life none really helped know work hard guide even know direction go guess need get another antidepressant something idk -"I'm 28 years old and I've been depressed since sophomore in high school. During those years, I've tried my best to keeping myself together (not showing my true emotions, try to make friends, make people laugh, etc) and of course I still go through battles within myself but I've been the victor so far. Recently, it's been incredibly difficult. I've been contemplating suicide more often than usual. Now, I am not saying that I'm going to go through with it because it would absolutely destroy my family, especially my mom. They love me and I'm lucky to have friends that care about me as well. However, I can't help but notice that my life is a complete and utter joke. I've made no accomplishments, really nothing of value that I've made as a 28 year old person and it's getting to me. I'm not an intelligent person, I have no ambition, I have no drive and I have no goals in life. Compared myself to everyone else, I'm a loser. I'm a loser and I know it for a fact and I feel like my friends and family, even my peers at work, know it as well. I'm a joke. - -Now, it has been a struggle to keep my emotions and thoughts under control. People start to notice a change in my demeanor when I talk to them, noticing how I'm not acting as my ""usual"" self. My true emotions is starting to show itself and unending thoughts of suicide has gone rampant. I believe I am losing myself day by day and I'm trying my damnedest to keep up appearances and not letting people worry about me. Of course, I can't afford to go to therapy sessions or get my hands on prescribed medication so I'm only left with limited resources. Hell, I just got denied health insurance without a clue as to why. Honestly, I'm not sure what I'm expecting by posting here. I just appreciate anyone that took the time of their day to read my run of the mill sob story and perhaps giving their two cents. Thanks.",1,year old depressed since sophomore high school year tried best keeping together showing true emotion try make friend make people laugh etc course still go battle within victor far recently incredibly difficult contemplating suicide often usual saying going go would absolutely destroy family especially mom love lucky friend care well however help notice life complete utter joke made accomplishment really nothing value made year old person getting intelligent person ambition drive goal life compared everyone else loser loser know fact feel like friend family even peer work know well joke struggle keep emotion thought control people start notice change demeanor talk noticing acting usual self true emotion starting show unending thought suicide gone rampant believe losing day day trying damnedest keep appearance letting people worry course afford go therapy session get hand prescribed medication left limited resource hell got denied health insurance without clue honestly sure expecting posting appreciate anyone took time day read run mill sob story perhaps giving two cent thanks -I hate my living situation and I have no way out of it I’m stuck and i cry almost everyday everyone in my home makes me feel pointless and unwanted I wish I could control how sensitive I am about it,1,hate living situation way stuck cry almost everyday everyone home make feel pointless unwanted wish could control sensitive -what can i say. something major happened. someone died. friend of mine. i am drunk. i dont wanna call hotlines they know me already,1,say something major happened someone died friend mine drunk dont wan na call hotlines know already -"Im talking about the kind of depressive episode where you lay in bed all day for days/weeks and struggle to find energy/motivation for simple functioning such as eating and showering. Just lay/sit there having negative thoughts and feeling hopeless, useless and pathetic. -I have these episodes a few or so times a year. - -My question is: Do you generally have something in your mind that feels like the obstacle you need to cross to start the process of getting out of your depressive episode? - -For example sometimes for me i just feel like *if only I could completely clean my house*... I'd start to feel better. -Other times it might be something else on my to do list or a few things i feel are the obstacles to feeling better.. - -the obstacles always seem insanely mundane but also impossible to do in my state as if I'd have to put on a ton of body weights and get up and do it with all that extra weight and already feeling fatigued. - -Its bizarre because ive noticed over the years that completing whatever it is that I've decided as my *obstacle* is generally the 1st step to leaving my major depressive episode...I can't describe the mental workout it is to get something done sometimes though..like I may attempt to get it done 4 times in a week to just end up giving up and going back to bed. - -I'm just wondering if anyone else gets this? And sets up *hurdle type things for themselves* when they are super depressive ??? - -And do you ever eventually complete your ""obstacle"" & does it help you to coming out of the episode?",1,im talking kind depressive episode lay bed day day week struggle find energy motivation simple functioning eating showering lay sit negative thought feeling hopeless useless pathetic episode time year question generally something mind feel like obstacle need cross start process getting depressive episode example sometimes feel like could completely clean house start feel better time might something else list thing feel obstacle feeling better obstacle always seem insanely mundane also impossible state put ton body weight get extra weight already feeling fatigued bizarre ive noticed year completing whatever decided obstacle generally st step leaving major depressive episode describe mental workout get something done sometimes though like may attempt get done time week end giving going back bed wondering anyone else get set hurdle type thing super depressive ever eventually complete obstacle amp help coming episode -"I always issues. And now they are catching up with me. My blood pressure is dangerously high most day. I'm dizzy and disoriented. Worst of all I'm tired 24/7. The last one was here for a long time, but it got to the point where I no longer have the energy to do anything, no matter how hard I try to push it. I was passively suicidal for a long time. I didn't have the courage to actually kill myself, but I wouldn't look both ways when I crossed the street. I drank and smoked, did stuff that I knew was dangerous, and now it seems it worked. And now I'm scared. I don't care about myself. But I have man who loves me. I have a 14 month old little brother. And I'm terrified what how they would feel if I died. But my condition is getting worse and I can't bring myself to do anything about it.",1,always issue catching blood pressure dangerously high day dizzy disoriented worst tired last one long time got point longer energy anything matter hard try push passively suicidal long time courage actually kill look way crossed street drank smoked stuff knew dangerous seems worked scared care man love month old little brother terrified would feel died condition getting worse bring anything -"This post is regarding my father who relentlessly forced his own will upon me and made me choose my career and life choices based on that. As a result, it has brought catastrophic consequences for me. - -I was an above average student at school. But used to be excellent in creative pursuits like Theatre, Writing Stories and Poems, English Literature, Filmmaking etc. - -But my father was totally against all that. He made me choose what subjects I needed to take for “my good future” and it was always what he think was best that zi needed to do. There was actually no way I could protest because it would have led to physical violence. - -So to cut the story short. I graduated from school in the year 2012. Then because my father forced me to enroll in a wierd course I lost two more years until I couldn't and then in 2014 I had to drop out because I was failing in every exam. - -It was in those several months that I endured the worst mental agony of my life. It was a lot of mental burden placed upon me. My father called me a failure and what not and compared me with a number of successful kids in the neighborhood and to the kids of his friends who were in good universities and doing very well. - -In 2015 I cracked one of the toughest exams but unfortunately my rank was not good (and most of it was due to the rampant corruption and lack of transparency and accountability in the examination conducting board). What I mean to say is that I could have scored better if the results were not questionable in nature (A court case went but nothing happened) - -Finally I take admission in one of the worst places I could imagine to spend another 5 years of my life doing something I absolutely loathed. Again, because of the pressure from my father. - -Then in 2020, I finally graduated but then the Covid pandemic broke out. Every one was working from home and the nature of my degree was such that for newbies like me working from home was not possible and in hand office experience was required. So I went unemployed for a year. Also in my final year I contracted a terrible life long disease due to the mental stress I was in and the crappy food that I had to eat. The mess in the hostel, where I lived for 5 years was horrendous to say the least. - -Now it is 2022 and I am still unemployed. My father somehow blames me entirely for this and never once accepted his mistake in life. Now not only him but I too view myself as a failure and have lost faith in myself. - -The confidence that I once had, the energy of youth that was brimming to overflow when I graduated from School in thr summer of 2012 is all exhausted and gone. - -I could have done something really good with my life in the creative field that's what I think. I have a knack for it. I have a good power of imagination and an intuitive mind. But now I feel it was all a waste and all has been for nothing. - -I have wasted more than 10 years of my life in my higher studies and doing something I not only loathe but detest in the highest possible way. - -It would not be wrong to say that my father is responsible for screwing my life over. But that's what I think. Am I making an excuse? What do you think?",1,post regarding father relentlessly forced upon made choose career life choice based result brought catastrophic consequence average student school used excellent creative pursuit like theatre writing story poem english literature filmmaking etc father totally made choose subject needed take good future always think best zi needed actually way could protest would led physical violence cut story short graduated school year 0 father forced enroll wierd course lost two year 0 drop failing every exam several month endured worst mental agony life lot mental burden placed upon father called failure compared number successful kid neighborhood kid friend good university well 0 cracked one toughest exam unfortunately rank good due rampant corruption lack transparency accountability examination conducting board mean say could scored better result questionable nature court case went nothing happened finally take admission one worst place could imagine spend another year life something absolutely loathed pressure father 0 0 finally graduated covid pandemic broke every one working home nature degree newbie like working home possible hand office experience required went unemployed year also final year contracted terrible life long disease due mental stress crappy food eat mess hostel lived year horrendous say least 0 still unemployed father somehow blame entirely never accepted mistake life view failure lost faith confidence energy youth brimming overflow graduated school thr summer 0 exhausted gone could done something really good life creative field think knack good power imagination intuitive mind feel waste nothing wasted 0 year life higher study something loathe detest highest possible way would wrong say father responsible screwing life think making excuse think -"Original text in German. Translated with Google translator. Sorry for any mistakes. I hope it's still understandable. - -- unhappy with myself -- constantly comparing to others -- what do I really want? -- need to get my life on track -- wants to solve problems myself/don't accept help - don't say how I really feel, say ""everything is fine"" even though nothing is fine --> pretend to myself/ dishonest to myself -- gaming, training etc. = distraction/ self-therapy? -- I have the feeling that something is wrong with me - everyday routine makes me sick/depressed! every day at work and at home everything the same.. there must be more to life? -- look for a sense in everything --> no sense = waste of time? -- Aversion to social media --> constantly comparing and seeing the ""perfect"" lives of others makes me sick -- Thoughts: ""What if I jumped off the bridge now?"" or ""what if I would jump out of the window now?"" ""What if I drove my car into the tree now?"" (Obsessive thoughts/suicidal thoughts?) -- constant dissatisfaction -> self-improvement/self-optimization very present topic (e.g. room, training) except in one's own head -- feeling: I am different. Nobody understands me and nobody will ever understand me. - Feeling of not being myself. / Not knowing who, how, what I really want -- reactively bad relationship with my siblings - why? -- Thoughts: ""What if my father is dead? Would i be sad, would I be happier?"" -- Thoughts: ""I just want to smack my dad in the face for what he did to me and my family."" -- ""I'm worth nothing!"" - ""I am a bad person!"" (because of my bad thoughts) -- try to distract me from my problems. YouTube, gaming, etc. -- if I'm asked about it, I don't want to talk about it / avoid it -- mental breakdown in the car 02/2020 on the way back from vocational school. completely crying all the time and resolve to tell my problems and change my life when I'm at home -> not done -- thoughts: ""I'm breaking off my education, I hate my job!.. I can't quit again, I've already dropped out of high school and college. I'm a piece of shit!"" -- ""Everything gets better after training!"" ""If I could do that summer 2022 is now and my training is over, I would do it"" -- no self-confidence / self-esteem completely screwed -- can't express my feelings / emotions -- erectile dysfunction (because of depression?) - very emotional Videos in which I find myself, e.g Depression -- ""What do others think about me?"" -- ""Do they notice that I'm weird/different?"" -- gorge on everything / don't talk about my problems -- feeling of not living in the present but in the past -- lack of drive, lack of motivation -- ""Why am I doing all this? what's the point?"" -- Unhappy -- feeling: wanting to flee from the world and everything! -- Diseases?: Unresolved childhood trauma? Depression? social phobia? anxiety disorder? alcohol problem? obsessions? Personality disorder?(Who am I what do I want) ??? -- need a lot of love/feeling to be loved -- at work: feel uncomfortable, shy and tense -> situations in which I sit in the car driving home and start screaming and banging on the roof -- I find it more and more difficult with other people to get in touch / I'm getting more and more shy and withdrawn -- I feel lonely and sad -- ""What happens after the training? How does it go on?"" -- afraid of not making the exam -- no strength to do school stuff / afraid of a lecture at school -- finally wants to find me and be happy with me and my life -- mental breakdown: Christmas 2021 with Daniel and Thorsten (topic: father) -- Mental breakdown at grandma in the garden with Michael (reason?) -- Longing for days when I was happy and carefree -- I'm turning 25 already! and I still haven't gotten anything right in my life -- don't let any feelings get to me/ only laugh very seldom -- strong self-doubt -- feeling in society there is no right place for me - feeling of having to be perfect; not accepting my mistakes / myself -- seek my luck in things like alternative ways of life, world travel etc. -- wants to get away from materialism, consumer society, capitalism, fast life",1,original text german translated google translator sorry mistake hope still understandable unhappy constantly comparing others really want need get life track want solve problem accept help say really feel say everything fine even though nothing fine gt pretend dishonest gaming training etc distraction self therapy feeling something wrong everyday routine make sick depressed every day work home everything must life look sense everything gt sense waste time aversion social medium gt constantly comparing seeing perfect life others make sick thought jumped bridge would jump window drove car tree obsessive thought suicidal thought constant dissatisfaction gt self improvement self optimization present topic e g room training except one head feeling different nobody understands nobody ever understand feeling knowing really want reactively bad relationship sibling thought father dead would sad would happier thought want smack dad face family worth nothing bad person bad thought try distract problem youtube gaming etc asked want talk avoid mental breakdown car 0 0 0 way back vocational school completely cry time resolve tell problem change life home gt done thought breaking education hate job quit already dropped high school college piece shit everything get better training could summer 0 training would self confidence self esteem completely screwed express feeling emotion erectile dysfunction depression emotional video find e g depression others think notice weird different gorge everything talk problem feeling living present past lack drive lack motivation point unhappy feeling wanting flee world everything disease unresolved childhood trauma depression social phobia anxiety disorder alcohol problem obsession personality disorder want need lot love feeling loved work feel uncomfortable shy tense gt situation sit car driving home start screaming banging roof find difficult people get touch getting shy withdrawn feel lonely sad happens training go afraid making exam strength school stuff afraid lecture school finally want find happy life mental breakdown christmas 0 daniel thorsten topic father mental breakdown grandma garden michael reason longing day happy carefree turning already still gotten anything right life let feeling get laugh seldom strong self doubt feeling society right place feeling perfect accepting mistake seek luck thing like alternative way life world travel etc want get away materialism consumer society capitalism fast life -Everyday I wake up same routine I feel underappreciated by those I live with I have very few I'm very close to and care about my mental state has been on a rapid decline for months now I'm basically living for my cats and the person I'm closest to I just constantly have this overwhelming sense of dread and paranoia everyday my family just doesn't seem to care anytime I do anything they make me feel lesser than them because I'm not like them I just cant bring to care about most things I try to lose myself in games or reading manga I dont want to necessarily die but I'm just tired of living in general I dont tell people how I feel out of not wanting to put my problems on them I have spent a lot of nights lately crying my self to sleep at 4 am,1,everyday wake routine feel underappreciated live close care mental state rapid decline month basically living cat person closest constantly overwhelming sense dread paranoia everyday family seem care anytime anything make feel lesser like cant bring care thing try lose game reading manga dont want necessarily die tired living general dont tell people feel wanting put problem spent lot night lately cry self sleep -"I’m a college student who has changed their major 5 different times and am currently pre-med although I have always struggled in my science courses. For about the last year I have had zero motivation. My GPA is slowly slipping as I never study or go to class. I used to smoke weed all day (I was high most of 2021) but I quit and now I just go on my phone in my room or watch movies. - -I have no friends here and don’t socialize. I usually only leave my room to get food or to study for a test (usually the day before or day of). I get jealous when I see everyone hanging out and enjoying their college experience while I go to the movies alone or find other ways to distract myself. - -I keep telling myself I have to change but I never do. I feel like my advisors have given up on me. I don’t even know if I want to be a doctor but it’s a clear cut path that will allow me to help people and provide job security although my real dream is going to Hollywood and trying to make it as a screenwriter. - -I have been depressed and have cycled through a lot of medications with my doctor…none of them work. She now thinks I may have ADHD. - -I just struggle to think long-term and have been extremely burnt out since senior year of high school. Before then I was always a good student. - -I don’t know what happened to me. I often fantasize about suicide or dying and lately have just been wishing to stay in my room and just do drugs all day. - -I don’t know where my drive has gone.",1,college student changed major different time currently pre med although always struggled science course last year zero motivation gpa slowly slipping never study go class used smoke weed day high 0 quit go phone room watch movie friend socialize usually leave room get food study test usually day day get jealous see everyone hanging enjoying college experience go movie alone find way distract keep telling change never feel like advisor given even know want doctor clear cut path allow help people provide job security although real dream going hollywood trying make screenwriter depressed cycled lot medication doctor none work think may adhd struggle think long term extremely burnt since senior year high school always good student know happened often fantasize suicide dying lately wishing stay room drug day know drive gone -"My best friend doesn’t want to be friends anymore, I don’t have the energy to fight for our friendship. I feel as though I’m constantly trying to be a better friend and person, just because I’m trying doesn’t mean I’m perfect. But that’s okay, I’m heartbroken over the fact. But I cannot keep someone who doesn’t wanna be my friend.",1,best friend want friend anymore energy fight friendship feel though constantly trying better friend person trying mean perfect okay heartbroken fact keep someone wan na friend -"this is my first reddit post. also my first time sharing this information with anyone but i can't really keep it in anymore man so bear with me. hopefully there's a psychiatrist out there that will read this and hit me with some world-altering advice because there is absolutely no way in hell i will ever tell anyone, especially not a doctor or psychiatrist, what you are about to read but i really just need to get this out there - -------------------------------------------- -first and foremost, no im not going to kill myself. let's get that out of the way. but i do think im depressed. i was telling myself it was just a life-slump for a long time. then i was telling myself it was just sadness from the slump. now i've literally been sad and thinking negatively of myself almost every day for like a year and i gotta talk about it with someone, even if someone is this phone screen. - --i've always had major self esteem and confidence issues, not really sure what it stems from but i have always felt inferior to those around me. which btw i cannot believe people live life happy with their appearance. that is a blessing that people take for granted. anyways ive done some research and educated myself with the science behind depression and i believe that, over the past few years, a mix of rapid lifestyle changes and stress related events has caused me to have depression. the part that confuses me is that, while my life is on the more stressful and busy side of things, i don't feel like it's a bad life to live. i have wonderful friends, family, i have a great scholarship to a good school, i do fun things and go to parties and drink. i feel like an average person put in my shoes would be happy and excel if they had any drive or passions at all, which i do not. probably why i fuck everything up all the time. - --it is common for me to have suicidal thoughts. i really don't know why since, in reality, i wouldn't want to kill myself. i may be a piece of shit but im not selfish nor do i like the pain of self harm. i am self aware of these thoughts and i have attempted breathing and thought altering methods to get rid of them, but they pierce my heart and mind like a dagger. it physically hurts. they are not always about suicide, but they are always very negative targeted at myself. i just can't help staring out at the edge of that cliff wishing i had the nuts to finally end it all. sometimes i can't look at myself in the mirror because i know it'll lead me to thinking negatively about myself just at the sight of me. and as sad as it is to say it i really just do not like myself. i look in the mirror and want to smash it or rip my face off because of how ugly i am. objectively and on paper i am not the worst looking guy. im 6'2 and im physically fit. but holy shit i swear what i see in the mirror and what other people see when they look at me must be completely different. there have been a few instances in recent months of people tell me im decent looking or im good looking or i have a nice body and i take the compliment and try and try to see it in myself but i just can't. i literally can't. i don't see it, i don't know where you guys are looking, but i truly don't see what you see. - -okay it's not just about my appearance. i find myself annoying and awkward. i try to be a happy go lucky guy most of the time, usually bringing conversation and a smile and sarcasm and even some humor sometimes. but behind my smile is most commonly a frown. im fucking annoying. my thoughts scream at me at how what i just said is so stupid and i need to shut the fuck up why do i talk so much why would i ask that ect. i talk too much. sometimes i say things i dont even mean or agree with just to say something. i never know when to talk and when not to and it frustrates me a lot. im volatile and irritable and ugh - --i fuck up most things i do, work, school, relationships, you know how it goes, the classic poor me self pity i ruin everything type shpeal. something about the way i was made is just wrong i guess. that's another one of those negative thoughts that repeats in my head a lot. born wrong. today i had the pleasure of envisioning myself fist fighting myself, beating my own face in, felt great honestly wish i could've made it a reality - --i can't find happiness in any of the things i used to enjoy. ive gradually stopped all my hobbies except for the gym, which is where i take my anger out usually(i have a lot of that). i can't even sit through a movie without thinking ""what is the point of me doing this."" WHAT IS THE POINT?! life feels numb. pointless. i go about my societal life just like everybody else. i study, work, play, sleep(rarely) but it all feels the same. a gray bland mesh of nothing. even something like eating delicious food i just don't get enjoyment anymore. the best way i can explain how i feel is if im with people and someone makes a joke that people laugh at of course i laugh, but if nobody else laughed i would never know when to laugh. - --honest opinion of myself? i fucking suck. im lazy and i lie all the time to keep up a persona of not being a sad downer hater fuck. i constantly make poor decisions and can't seem to learn from previous ones. im ugly. the only things im good at are mansplaining and making a fool of myself. i say dumb shit and get shit on for it. what kind of asshole has the privilege and opportunities that i have and is still sad and lazy like this? im the type of person that was actually just wired wrong in the head, and the fact that i try and try to be appreciative of my life and still can't disgusts me. to be honest i don't even know who i am. a few months ago someone asked me what my hidden talent is. i replied ""nothing. i don't have one."" i really don't have a talent or something im good at, and seeing people around me do amazing things and then watching myself dig deeper and deeper into this rut really hurts. - -*** i do not feel like this 24/7. id say about 10% of the time i forget about all my stresses and worries and appearances and fuck ups and im actually HAPPY. then when the happy goes away i realize that whatever made me happy is so very temporary and it all comes flooding back. im just running around my mess of a life chasing those euphoric mindless highs and happinesses that seem to get weaker and shorter each time i find them. - --the question i find myself asking often is why. why am i doing this. why do i feel this way. why did i say that. why did i do that. why am i a certain way yadda yadda. i am a realist. i also truly believe there is no point to this. life. why do we all live such stressful unrewarding lives, putting all our effort in just to die and be forgotten forever? i read comments on posts like these saying that life is beautiful, meet everyone you can, experience nature, get help, it gets better it CAN get better, but the thing is, no, it can't. everyone's situation is different i guess, but where im at and what im doing, nothings gonna change. im not going anywhere. even if i was it wouldn't matter. societal standings and fancy job positions mean nothing. humans are not made equal. everyone is different, special, in their own way. therefore, some people are biologically and factually better than others. whether it's stronger, larger, smarter, faster, people are different and some traits are preferable. i just happened to get stuck with the traits that make me FUCKING SUCK at life. no amount of meditation or antidepressants (fuck big pharm) is going to change who i am. people don't change. painting a leopard red doesn't remove his spots, it just hides them temporarily - ---well it's 4:27 and im going to the gym at 7 and then lecture after that so i guess i should sleep a few hours so my motor functions stay working so i can keep going on in this endless cycle of pointless effort, thanks for hearing my ted talk, wish me luck on my chemistry exam, good night all <3",1,first reddit post also first time sharing information anyone really keep anymore man bear hopefully psychiatrist read hit world altering advice absolutely way hell ever tell anyone especially doctor psychiatrist read really need get first foremost im going kill let get way think im depressed telling life slump long time telling sadness slump literally sad thinking negatively almost every day like year got ta talk someone even someone phone screen always major self esteem confidence issue really sure stem always felt inferior around btw believe people live life happy appearance blessing people take granted anyways ive done research educated science behind depression believe past year mix rapid lifestyle change stress related event caused depression part confuses life stressful busy side thing feel like bad life live wonderful friend family great scholarship good school fun thing go party drink feel like average person put shoe would happy excel drive passion probably fuck everything time common suicidal thought really know since reality want kill may piece shit im selfish like pain self harm self aware thought attempted breathing thought altering method get rid pierce heart mind like dagger physically hurt always suicide always negative targeted help staring edge cliff wishing nut finally end sometimes look mirror know lead thinking negatively sight sad say really like look mirror want smash rip face ugly objectively paper worst looking guy im im physically fit holy shit swear see mirror people see look must completely different instance recent month people tell im decent looking im good looking nice body take compliment try try see literally see know guy looking truly see see okay appearance find annoying awkward try happy go lucky guy time usually bringing conversation smile sarcasm even humor sometimes behind smile commonly frown im fucking annoying thought scream said stupid need shut fuck talk much would ask ect talk much sometimes say thing dont even mean agree say something never know talk frustrates lot im volatile irritable ugh fuck thing work school relationship know go classic poor self pity ruin everything type shpeal something way made wrong guess another one negative thought repeat head lot born wrong today pleasure envisioning fist fighting beating face felt great honestly wish could made reality find happiness thing used enjoy ive gradually stopped hobby except gym take anger usually lot even sit movie without thinking point point life feel numb pointless go societal life like everybody else study work play sleep rarely feel gray bland mesh nothing even something like eating delicious food get enjoyment anymore best way explain feel im people someone make joke people laugh course laugh nobody else laughed would never know laugh honest opinion fucking suck im lazy lie time keep persona sad downer hater fuck constantly make poor decision seem learn previous one im ugly thing im good mansplaining making fool say dumb shit get shit kind asshole privilege opportunity still sad lazy like im type person actually wired wrong head fact try try appreciative life still disgust honest even know month ago someone asked hidden talent replied nothing one really talent something im good seeing people around amazing thing watching dig deeper deeper rut really hurt feel like id say 0 time forget stress worry appearance fuck ups im actually happy happy go away realize whatever made happy temporary come flooding back im running around mess life chasing euphoric mindless high happiness seem get weaker shorter time find question find asking often feel way say certain way yadda yadda realist also truly believe point life live stressful unrewarding life putting effort die forgotten forever read comment post like saying life beautiful meet everyone experience nature get help get better get better thing everyone situation different guess im im nothing gon na change im going anywhere even matter societal standing fancy job position mean nothing human made equal everyone different special way therefore people biologically factually better others whether stronger larger smarter faster people different trait preferable happened get stuck trait make fucking suck life amount meditation antidepressant fuck big pharm going change people change painting leopard red remove spot hide temporarily well im going gym lecture guess sleep hour motor function stay working keep going endless cycle pointless effort thanks hearing ted talk wish luck chemistry exam good night lt -"i’m only 23 and already have so many physical and mental health issues. ptsd, ocd, autism, adhd, depression, anxiety, visual snow, obesity, fibromyalgia, gender dysphoria (im trans), chronic fatigue, binge eating disorder…it’s all so much. - -not only all this, but recently i’ve been dealing with more health problems. my hearts been racing even when i’m just laying down, and it makes me feel like i can’t get enough breath in. like i’m constantly breathing but not fully or something. - -i also have been having horrible cramp-like pain, and after getting a ultrasound apparently i have a bunch of cysts on my ovaries (but this apparently isn’t the cause of my pain??) and that terrifies me. they think it might be the testosterone and i’m scared i’ll have to stop taking it. and they’re not even sure that’s what’s causing the pain. - -i’ve been trying to cope by hanging out with friends and my boyfriend online and other stuff like that but it can’t distract me enough from the physical issues. so i’ve been using weed and alcohol, but i know i can’t keep using these to cope forever. i know it’s likely i’ll become an alcoholic and part of me doesn’t even care as long as it distracts me from the pain enough. - -i’m trying to apply for government assistance for disability but it’s a lot of work and i feel like it’s pointless and they’ll just reject me again. - -i’ve been in therapy for years, take meds, and go to doctors a lot. im still this way no matter how much help i get. i’m so tired. i’m so tired of the constant issues. i cant keep doing this. how long do i have to keep going thru this. it feels like it’ll never get better. - -idk how much longer i can keep going when i have to deal with all of this. it’s so much.",1,already many physical mental health issue ptsd ocd autism adhd depression anxiety visual snow obesity fibromyalgia gender dysphoria im trans chronic fatigue binge eating disorder much recently dealing health problem heart racing even laying make feel like get enough breath like constantly breathing fully something also horrible cramp like pain getting ultrasound apparently bunch cyst ovary apparently cause pain terrifies think might testosterone scared stop taking even sure causing pain trying cope hanging friend boyfriend online stuff like distract enough physical issue using weed alcohol know keep using cope forever know likely become alcoholic part even care long distracts pain enough trying apply government assistance disability lot work feel like pointless reject therapy year take med go doctor lot im still way matter much help get tired tired constant issue cant keep long keep going thru feel like never get better idk much longer keep going deal much -"It's been five years and a couple days now since my first major attempt. I'm not too sure how I feel to be honest. Has life improved? Well not really. Of course after that first attempt, I tried a couple more times. I think if we look at the net value, I'm relatively in the same spot as I was five years ago vibing on the bridge. Thankfully, I'm not too upset about that. I think sadness and my inability to get out of said sadness is something that I will have to live with. I'm getting better at fighting it, that's for sure. Are some days tiring and fucking unbearable? Of course. But now I'm just content with existing. Sad days are hard, some days are easy. - -I think I'm just shocked that I'm still alive. Well I definitely know that younger me would be shocked I'm still kicking around. Maybe he'd be happy that I stayed for this long. - -There really isn't any point to this post, just a bit of selfish self-congratulations and the ability to say: I'm still alive guys. - -I hope everyone has a good day. It's raining where I am but it's really nice to look at.",1,five year couple day since first major attempt sure feel honest life improved well really course first attempt tried couple time think look net value relatively spot five year ago vibing bridge thankfully upset think sadness inability get said sadness something live getting better fighting sure day tiring fucking unbearable course content existing sad day hard day easy think shocked still alive well definitely know younger would shocked still kicking around maybe happy stayed long really point post bit selfish self congratulation ability say still alive guy hope everyone good day raining really nice look -"i don’t really know how reddit works but i just came here to get something off my chest. i’m a 20yo female who deals with major depression. i’ve always felt like i have no purpose in this world and that i am a complete waste of a human being. i don’t even know who i am anymore. whenever people are like “so tell me about yourself” i break down because i honestly have nothing to say about myself. i want to kill myself so bad but i don’t have the tools to do it so i just live in pain and exhaustion. i have no friends or family to talk about what i go through and that hurts. medicine does not help and therapists ive talked to were a joke. i have done things to make me feel better about myself but i always get knocked down, but i can honestly say that the day i die i’ll finally be happy and at peace.",1,really know reddit work came get something chest 0yo female deal major depression always felt like purpose world complete waste human even know anymore whenever people like tell break honestly nothing say want kill bad tool live pain exhaustion friend family talk go hurt medicine help therapist ive talked joke done thing make feel better always get knocked honestly say day die finally happy peace -"im waking up and have some weird thoughts i think. One of them is, that i think im unattractiv, because im not that heigh. With 177cm i think im way to small and thats the reason im unattractiv to woman. I also dont get enough attention from my parents. I feel so hollow, because i think i deserve to be ignored. I think that im seeking to much attention and thats not healthy, but i want. My Father punish me if i show my feelings and my problems with ""and what is with me?"". He denied everything i need and thats left me with ""im a burden for him"" thats my fault, that i exist in this world. I love to be connected with other people, but this feeling from the past comes back and say to me ""u dont deserve this attention"" ""Other People has way less that attention like you, so be happy what you have"" but im not happy. Thats weird and i cant right now figure out where i have to put this thought. I wish i had more atttention from my parents. I want to show them what i like and i wish they would be interessted in what i do. I have this frustration inside me and i hold this to much back. I want to say myself ""im good enough"". Constantly to push myself to the limit is exhausting and to please other people this sucks.",1,im waking weird thought think one think im unattractiv im heigh cm think im way small thats reason im unattractiv woman also dont get enough attention parent feel hollow think deserve ignored think im seeking much attention thats healthy want father punish show feeling problem denied everything need thats left im burden thats fault exist world love connected people feeling past come back say u dont deserve attention people way le attention like happy im happy thats weird cant right figure put thought wish atttention parent want show like wish would interessted frustration inside hold much back want say im good enough constantly push limit exhausting please people suck -"A year ago today, I moved to a new city. The city of opportunities, growth, and everything nice, but I also learned this is the city of demise. Since I've moved here, itit’s been hard to adapt to the culture, the environment, and pretty much anything else. The stores were different; everyone talked differently. People dressed differently, and everyone had money … so I thought. I realized that my salary was not enough to fund the normal lifestyle that I managed to survive off for 2 years post-undergrad in my home town and a new lifestyle. I was living paycheck to paycheck, borrowing money, getting loans, and using credits to make ends meet. This made me depressed because it was at the pandemic's peak, and I spent 90% of my time inside with my thoughts. I became more and more depressed and didn’t know what to do. I had suicidal thoughts, but I tried to push through. - - -Here’s where things take a turn. I got a gig. I earned more from my gig than my take-home pay, so my life was sweet. I wasn't depressed. This lasted for six months. Then my health took a turn. I couldn’t keep up with life anymore. I was physically ill and had to let the gig go. Now I’m here. No gig and leaving the full-time job. So now, I’m in a new city, no income following for a few weeks, and ready to end it all. - -I’ve always thought, “money doesn’t buy you happiness.” Though they’re right—, my journey proves that money can contribute to happiness. Does money make you happy?",1,year ago today moved new city city opportunity growth everything nice also learned city demise since moved itit hard adapt culture environment pretty much anything else store different everyone talked differently people dressed differently everyone money thought realized salary enough fund normal lifestyle managed survive year post undergrad home town new lifestyle living paycheck paycheck borrowing money getting loan using credit make end meet made depressed pandemic peak spent 90 time inside thought became depressed know suicidal thought tried push thing take turn got gig earned gig take home pay life sweet depressed lasted six month health took turn keep life anymore physically ill let gig go gig leaving full time job new city income following week ready end always thought money buy happiness though right journey prof money contribute happiness money make happy -"Hell I can’t pull myself out of this - -I’d rather just cease existing - -I don’t deserve happiness - -I don’t deserve comfort - -I don’t deserve to live - -The only thing I actually deserve is death",1,hell pull rather cease existing deserve happiness deserve comfort deserve live thing actually deserve death -I feel like I’ll never get a girlfriend I’m 22 I also have a genetics disorder I feel like no woman will ever want me because of it I don’t think you can tell I have it but I feel once I tell them that they won’t want me I’ve been feeling really depressed about it and I’m scared to talk to women so that doesn’t help,1,feel like never get girlfriend also genetics disorder feel like woman ever want think tell feel tell want feeling really depressed scared talk woman help -i feel like my whole life was a joke. I have problems with concentration due to depression and my mom start rumor that i am dumb cause i watch porn.,1,feel like whole life joke problem concentration due depression mom start rumor dumb cause watch porn -"You know that feeling when the days and nights drag on? The tears stream down your cheeks, your vision starts to tunnel. The feeling of being lost with no where to go. The movie staring yourself is playing and all you can do is sit back and watch as the world starts to slip away from you slowly. - -The first time I tried taking my life was 8 years old. I was physically and mentally abused from the moment I was born, and still mentally abused to this day. This time its me abusing myself. I got so used to being alone and not wanted, so what's the point in trying anymore. - -2020 was a bad year for everyone but that is the time where I started losing a grip on my life for the last time. My world started spirlling out of control. What did I do? I woke up at 330am walked into the kitchen grabbed a knife and drug of deep across my throat. I walked into the bedroom where my wife was sleeping. She woke up to the sound of gargling, only you find me trying to hold my throat shut. She immediately called 911 and just looked at me in aw. With a single tear falling down my cheek. All she could do is watch as her husband is slowly dying right in front of her. When I woke up 3 days later in the hospital,. She was no where to be found... This is when my world came crashing down over me, hearing those 4 words whisper out of her mouth "" I want a divorce"". That was the day I died inside. I lost my soul mate, my best friend, my wife, and the mother of my child. - -I lost everything that day, family, friends, my daughter, my house, my truck, and my heart. Every day I fall asleep crying. Begging to take me back in time, but in reality I know I can't. So what is there left to do you ask? Die... - -Life for me has ended, I have nothing more left in me anymore. I have been suffering from depression for a very long time. I'm exhausted, I'm tired, I'm alone, I'm lost. All I want is to end this story of my life called misery. I want to leave this world so I don't have to disappoint anyone ever again. I am broken, I can't do it anymore. Everyone says life is precious. Well to me life is a waste of time. - -I have nothing more to give, I have nothing more to learn, I have nothing. - -I am depressed, I am hurt, I am sitting in the theater watching as my screen starts to fade to black. This is it I tell myself. I am no longer going to sit here and put a fake smile on my face for everyone else. I am done helping out others with there problem. - -Why doesn't anyone ask me how I am doing, probably because I would lie. I am going to die. I am ready. I hope and pray the my daughter and my ex wife can forgive me. I will always love them until the end of time. - -With that being said, I am signing off... I have nothing left in the tank. - -Goodbye cruel cruel world, until we meet again. Daddy will always be looking over you guiding you in a direction I never was pushed towards... -I may not have any friends, but I will be leaving a mark on legacy. My job here is done. - -Good bye ....signing off.",1,know feeling day night drag tear stream cheek vision start tunnel feeling lost go movie staring playing sit back watch world start slip away slowly first time tried taking life year old physically mentally abused moment born still mentally abused day time abusing got used alone wanted point trying anymore 0 0 bad year everyone time started losing grip life last time world started spirlling control woke 0am walked kitchen grabbed knife drug deep across throat walked bedroom wife sleeping woke sound gargling find trying hold throat shut immediately called 9 looked aw single tear falling cheek could watch husband slowly dying right front woke day later hospital found world came crashing hearing word whisper mouth want divorce day died inside lost soul mate best friend wife mother child lost everything day family friend daughter house truck heart every day fall asleep cry begging take back time reality know left ask die life ended nothing left anymore suffering depression long time exhausted tired alone lost want end story life called misery want leave world disappoint anyone ever broken anymore everyone say life precious well life waste time nothing give nothing learn nothing depressed hurt sitting theater watching screen start fade black tell longer going sit put fake smile face everyone else done helping others problem anyone ask probably would lie going die ready hope pray daughter ex wife forgive always love end time said signing nothing left tank goodbye cruel cruel world meet daddy always looking guiding direction never pushed towards may friend leaving mark legacy job done good bye signing -I need help but every time I reach out for help it dose not work out I’m tired of feeling sad and bad about my self no one cares abt how I feel no one wants to know how I feel. I’m ready for my name to be on back of my team mates helmets on Saturdays when we take the field even with that no one will pay attention all 30k plus’s that’s full up the stadium when we play. This is my cry for help.,1,need help every time reach help dose work tired feeling sad bad self one care abt feel one want know feel ready name back team mate helmet saturday take field even one pay attention 0k plus full stadium play cry help -"I am 21 years old, junior in college. I have multiple problems that I need to address. To start, I have gotten carried away with smoking weed. I have been using it almost everyday since I was 18 and I can no longer control it. Im always buying it when I can't always afford it, I spend a good amount of my time at home smoking weed or using THC products. I have also been drinking a lot more than I used to, and I have even picked up a nicotine habit from my friends. I am not doing as well in school as I should be and I really need to be more proactive and motivated, but I feel no motivation some days to even do anything school related. I havent been eating well a lot of days, been eating a lot of fast food and skipping meals some days. - -There are nights where I barely get enough sleep because I end up staying up most of the night being on my phone, watching TV, or playing video games. I have set goals for myself that I want to workout more, build myself up, and eat better but I never stick to them. I feel very anxious and depressed a lot of the time, with the only relief I have felt comes from hanging out and talking with friends. I have some really great friends that I am very close with and a wonderful family that would do anything for me but I can't help but feel alone. - -I feel a great need for companionship and I have been trying to get into a relationship for a long time, going from one person to the next but nothing ever becoming of it and we become strangers again. It has taken away a lot of my energy and exhausted my motivation and drives me further into my loneliness and adds to my anxiety. I have been on an emotional rollercoaster the past several months talking and going out with multiple girls (not at the same time) and it ending the same. I just feel a void in my life some days and lately I have been spending a lot of time around friends to try and fill that void, more than I usually do which could also contribute to me spending less time on school and a lot of other important things. I have barely been home in the past week because I was with friends. - - I feel completely empty and hopeless somedays and feel like my life is over. I see others living their best life, exciting things happening, having opportunities, connection with others is just natural to them, and just having a great time with life and then there's me who wishes I could be that way but I know I am different than them and no one will ever see me like that. I will always be by myself wherever I go, and I used to be such a happy child, excited for life, not afraid to dream big and wonder about the future, and just live in the moment but things happened that turned me into what I am today. I feel like a shell of who I could have been and that my younger self would be dissapointed in me. I wish I could go back to when I was about 5 and not taken it for granted and go through life again with what i know now. - -Some days I really do not like the person I am turning into. I do not thing that I am doing what's best for myself mentally, physically, and emotionally. I feel like I'm on a treadmill, walking through life but not actually getting anywhere while watching everyone else pass me by. I really need to break out of this mindset and change my life around if I am going to survive in this world and live the good and happy life that I always wanted and not a wasted life.",1,year old junior college multiple problem need address start gotten carried away smoking weed using almost everyday since longer control im always buying always afford spend good amount time home smoking weed using thc product also drinking lot used even picked nicotine habit friend well school really need proactive motivated feel motivation day even anything school related havent eating well lot day eating lot fast food skipping meal day night barely get enough sleep end staying night phone watching tv playing video game set goal want workout build eat better never stick feel anxious depressed lot time relief felt come hanging talking friend really great friend close wonderful family would anything help feel alone feel great need companionship trying get relationship long time going one person next nothing ever becoming become stranger taken away lot energy exhausted motivation drive loneliness add anxiety emotional rollercoaster past several month talking going multiple girl time ending feel void life day lately spending lot time around friend try fill void usually could also contribute spending le time school lot important thing barely home past week friend feel completely empty hopeless somedays feel like life see others living best life exciting thing happening opportunity connection others natural great time life wish could way know different one ever see like always wherever go used happy child excited life afraid dream big wonder future live moment thing happened turned today feel like shell could younger self would dissapointed wish could go back taken granted go life know day really like person turning thing best mentally physically emotionally feel like treadmill walking life actually getting anywhere watching everyone else pas really need break mindset change life around going survive world live good happy life always wanted wasted life -"Does depression destroy your brain cells, like literally I feel like I can't connect with anyone and I think in certain situations?",1,depression destroy brain cell like literally feel like connect anyone think certain situation -I never really experience sadness when depressed. Its other thoughts.,1,never really experience sadness depressed thought -"Been a long course, she got sick over a decade ago and was showing sign before 50. When I was little idk why but I thought it was my sole responsibility to protect her from harm. My folks didn’t get on well but there wasn’t any violence between them but we the sole make son I had seen “controlled violence” against me. (Trust me, it was Hershey’s kisses compared to what my old man got). But I suppose it set that fear - - -Well now after a damn near decade of helplessness, not being able to accomplish the purpose I gave myself I’m not sure what to do with myself. - -I’ve been a bad son. I’ve been a bad brother. I’ve been a damn good uncle and that where I try to make up. But every aspect of my being is tied up in his maladaptive relationship. (Not the abject relationship with my mother but the consequences of her getting sick and the turmoil it caused the family) never the less to myself as I watched the only person I trusted fade away. - -Idk. I don’t know if I could have done more. I was 19 when she got diagnosed and I just pushed it away externally but internally I bought a camera, talked with her into the deep of the night. But I couldn’t help. It was what it was. I couldn’t make right and when it all went to hell i went to hell and couldn’t handle it. - -Tried to OD twice after I knew the thing was up and she was no longer there. There were glimmers but they were prob more in my mind than in truth. - -Well that sucked! It was awful. I’d imagine what we should know about this illness is it literally contorts the mind to it’s own end. Deep depression takes away your soul and breath. It’s true hell. But thank god I was lucky. ICU wasn’t bad cause I don’t remember. Trying to gain my muscle mass back after my kidneys went all to shit sucked. Straight up took another year of therapy and just reintegrating with life to resemble stable. - -And after that I had the pure delight of the best years since I was a kid. Depression never goes away but when life shines it shines. It so damn hard to see that as a possibility when you are in the void, but i swear to what ever god it does exist. It’s a hard road, but no harder of a road than you have seen before. When you are in the void it is living as a shadow inside of a shadow. It’s being a observer and not a participant. And seeing life for its brutal nature without being able to taste its fruits is utterly awful. But for those who can’t smell the fruit it’s there. I swear on my life, my utterly maladjusted, fucked up terribly, prob gonna die of some impact of my attempted OD’s dipshit life that fruit is worth it. - -I’m at the end of an era, and I’m frankly worried I’m gonna relapse. I in fact know I will. And I’m going to want to die again. After the sum of all my fears as a child being realized I can’t imagine any different. But I know know better. I’m setting up appointments with folks. Once I bury my mom I pretty sure in some sense I will die. But I know it’s worth the fight to not truly die. It would be a waste. - -My small dumbass experience as a kid, when my folks were healthy) basically said “this kid needs therapy!”",1,long course got sick decade ago showing sign 0 little idk thought sole responsibility protect harm folk get well violence sole make son seen controlled violence trust hershey kiss compared old man got suppose set fear well damn near decade helplessness able accomplish purpose gave sure bad son bad brother damn good uncle try make every aspect tied maladaptive relationship abject relationship mother consequence getting sick turmoil caused family never le watched person trusted fade away idk know could done 9 got diagnosed pushed away externally internally bought camera talked deep night help make right went hell went hell handle tried od twice knew thing longer glimmer prob mind truth well sucked awful imagine know illness literally contorts mind end deep depression take away soul breath true hell thank god lucky icu bad cause remember trying gain muscle mass back kidney went shit sucked straight took another year therapy reintegrating life resemble stable pure delight best year since kid depression never go away life shine shine damn hard see possibility void swear ever god exist hard road harder road seen void living shadow inside shadow observer participant seeing life brutal nature without able taste fruit utterly awful smell fruit swear life utterly maladjusted fucked terribly prob gon na die impact attempted od dipshit life fruit worth end era frankly worried gon na relapse fact know going want die sum fear child realized imagine different know know better setting appointment folk bury mom pretty sure sense die know worth fight truly die would waste small dumbass experience kid folk healthy basically said kid need therapy -"hey guys!! - -something that has really helped me in my mental health journey is to find friends to connect with. - -if anyone wants to talk so that we can check in with each other and just have an online buddy, let me know. it's really great to talk to someone! we're in this together :)",1,hey guy something really helped mental health journey find friend connect anyone want talk check online buddy let know really great talk someone together -"No clue where to put this so it’s going here. - -A while back I was asked “what caused you to start drinking so heavily?” My default respond to that has always been “it’s just how I am”. Which for the most part is correct, deep down I think I always knew the real answer. Now I am finally realizing it’s truth, it’s love. - -A little more context: I have been sober for over 8 years now, and to be honest, recently it has really been tested and I’ve come closer than I ever have to relapsing. It is worth mentioning, I’m not the type of person to actively seek a romantic relationship. I have had a few very brief flings over the years, but nothing I would consider serious, and for the most part I have been okay with it. But now, I have actually caught real feelings for someone, and I am falling hard. So hard it’s really scaring me, it’s causing me to want to hide from the feelings as I used too by drinking. - -After years of counseling I was given better “tools” to help process certain feelings that could lead to me drinking. Which I do believe they have helped me recently because I actually did something I didn’t think I was capable of. I told her how I felt. Too my surprise she actually didn’t tell me no, but, she didn’t exactly say yes either. Which is why I am feeling the way I am now I believe. - -Now I feel like I’m on a rollercoaster of highs and lows. I see her and talk to her daily as we do work together, however some days she seems so distant and shut off, others it seems to me she’s overly flirty. We have gone out once, it didn’t really go as planned but it was still nice. - -Now to the stuff that is really eating at me. She had just gotten out of a relationship a while back. I know it didn’t end well and when I told her how I felt she said she still was trying to get over her ex and she was confused. Which is understandable, and I want to give her time and space but at the same time I don’t want to miss my chance, especially because I have not felt this way about anyone for over 10 years. To make things worse her ex is also a coworker in our department and I have seen them leaving together after work multiple times a week. Which to be fair is really her business, but if she really would rather be with him, why don’t she tell me. That’s what’s killing me, I feel like she is using me as a fallback or a second choice. I really hope it’s not the case, I do not think I could handle it. I just wish I knew for sure how she felt, I can handle being rejected it the limbo I feel like I’m in I can’t handle. And honestly I don’t know what to do about it. I’m so scared I’m going to slip one day and have a drink, if that happens I know I won’t recover from it and I’ll loose everything I worked so hard to achieve. - -There’s more details if anyone has any questions. If anyone can tell me what I should do please feel free, anything is better than how I feel now.",1,clue put going back asked caused start drinking heavily default respond always part correct deep think always knew real answer finally realizing truth love little context sober year honest recently really tested come closer ever relapsing worth mentioning type person actively seek romantic relationship brief fling year nothing would consider serious part okay actually caught real feeling someone falling hard hard really scaring causing want hide feeling used drinking year counseling given better tool help process certain feeling could lead drinking believe helped recently actually something think capable told felt surprise actually tell exactly say yes either feeling way believe feel like rollercoaster high low see talk daily work together however day seems distant shut others seems overly flirty gone really go planned still nice stuff really eating gotten relationship back know end well told felt said still trying get ex confused understandable want give time space time want miss chance especially felt way anyone 0 year make thing worse ex also coworker department seen leaving together work multiple time week fair really business really would rather tell killing feel like using fallback second choice really hope case think could handle wish knew sure felt handle rejected limbo feel like handle honestly know scared going slip one day drink happens know recover loose everything worked hard achieve detail anyone question anyone tell please feel free anything better feel -"I have been on Prozac/Wellbutrin for a few months and other depression medications for over a year now. I was told from the beginning I need to go to therapy but was just too exhausted to pick up the phone and try to find one. I’ve slowly started getting my energy and motivation back and gave my first session scheduled this month - -I want to hear other people’s experience- did you start with medication or therapy first? - -I have heard people say start with therapy but in my case I would have never even made an appointment without the medicines to pull me out of my depression. I’m hoping therapy helps me with coping mechanisms and helps me get back on track after being depressed for so many years",1,prozac wellbutrin month depression medication year told beginning need go therapy exhausted pick phone try find one slowly started getting energy motivation back gave first session scheduled month want hear people experience start medication therapy first heard people say start therapy case would never even made appointment without medicine pull depression hoping therapy help coping mechanism help get back track depressed many year -"My depression is taking a turn for the worst. The thoughts about offing myself are starting to become more frequent again. There's barely anything going on in my life yet my anxiety feels so overwhelming that one would think I live a busy life. I feel so hollow all the time and I don't like it. It's starting to get to the point where I can't even do anything because my depressive thoughts just intrude on every part of my day that it's preventing me to actually be productive. I have essays to write for my uni classes but all I do is stare at my laptop because I can't even cry. I attend my lectures and join class discussion because everyone says that engaging in those things will increase the likelihood I'll pass but I barely remember what's going on at all, or what I'm saying. - -How do I function to live at least until the semester is over?",1,depression taking turn worst thought offing starting become frequent barely anything going life yet anxiety feel overwhelming one would think live busy life feel hollow time like starting get point even anything depressive thought intrude every part day preventing actually productive essay write uni class stare laptop even cry attend lecture join class discussion everyone say engaging thing increase likelihood pas barely remember going saying function live least semester -"Im a 22 year old college student who is supposed to graduate this May. The only problem being I havent been able to get out if bed to go to class in a month. I have lost nearly all of my motivation and feel trapped by my mind. The only time I leave my house is to go to work because I need the money or go to the gym because it is one of the only things that makes me feel alive/happy anymore. Ive reached out to professors and advisors telling them I just need help but they have been essentially useless. Instead of being pointed towards CAPS ive just been told to give up and widthdraw from my classes and its taking an even larger toll on me. - -I just need a break from everything and everyone.",1,im year old college student supposed graduate may problem havent able get bed go class month lost nearly motivation feel trapped mind time leave house go work need money go gym one thing make feel alive happy anymore ive reached professor advisor telling need help essentially useless instead pointed towards cap ive told give widthdraw class taking even larger toll need break everything everyone -"so this is going to sound stupid so im sorry if it is but im honestly not sure if im actually depressed - -ive had thoughts about commiting for about three years but its not thoughts like ""oh i need to die"" its more like ""im not going to accomplish anything in life so why bother going through any more pain"" - -little bit of background (one of my friends killed himself freshmen year and now im going to be graduating with out him, most people at my school view me as that one immature kid due to the fact that thats just my sense of humor, ive been bullied for the way i act and my height since 6th grade (im taller now but it still hurts) and my mother left me at 8 years old on my fathers doorstep and she shows up every once in a while looking worse and worse every time telling me how she misses me and my brother and sister are missing me (i later on learned that she left because the cops were coming for her and she ran all the way to florida to get away (were in maine) also my stepmother has issues do to her father being messed up and she tends to take out her anger on those arounder so she wont snap at work. theres a fight roughly once a week - -and about a week ago durring one of those fights my father yelled at her saying that its my mothers fault im like this because she would take pills when she was pregnant with me and also smoke. - -&#x200B; - -sorry if this turned into something else and got of topic i just need some advise is all if thats okay",1,going sound stupid im sorry im honestly sure im actually depressed ive thought commiting three year thought like oh need die like im going accomplish anything life bother going pain little bit background one friend killed freshman year im going graduating people school view one immature kid due fact thats sense humor ive bullied way act height since th grade im taller still hurt mother left year old father doorstep show every looking worse worse every time telling miss brother sister missing later learned left cop coming ran way florida get away maine also stepmother issue father messed tends take anger arounder wont snap work there fight roughly week week ago durring one fight father yelled saying mother fault im like would take pill pregnant also smoke amp x 00b sorry turned something else got topic need advise thats okay -I hate what happened I thought I could be happy even just for a moment it makes everything else so much worse and it couldn't have happened at a worse time,1,hate happened thought could happy even moment make everything else much worse happened worse time -"I am feeling worried for myself. It almost 2 a.m and I can’t sleep. Im not sure if its just because I can’t sleep or if its my inner fight between staying alive or ending it. These thoughts never go away. It sucks when people don’t understand my sudden mood changes or decisions, but I understand why they don’t. Im just saying what I am feeling or thinking. My heart always feels so heavy as if I put weights on it. I feel like crying all the time. Everything in life is so boring or doesn’t feel right. I often get confused on what is real and what isn’t real. I don’t have a therapist anymore because Money is tight, so Im using this Reddit post as a venting place because no one knows me here and it’s nice.",1,feeling worried almost sleep im sure sleep inner fight staying alive ending thought never go away suck people understand sudden mood change decision understand im saying feeling thinking heart always feel heavy put weight feel like cry time everything life boring feel right often get confused real real therapist anymore money tight im using reddit post venting place one know nice -" - -I give up. I won't ever get better. My life will be the same for the rest of my life. My youth is already wasted. I'm rotten inside. - -The pills on my desk are a constant reminder, but also a comforting way out anytime I would want to. The light from my window is a reminder of how the world will go on and forget about me. I like that thought. I used to feel ashamed for always feeling ignored and not seen, but now it's all I want. Please hate me. It will be so much easier. Please forget about me. Please don't think about me. You deserve better. - - -Fuck you, screw you. -Don't make a face like that. You'll get wrinkles. -You're crazy. -You're stupid. -You don't know anything. -Why are you like this? -Why are you laying on your bed all day? - -Why did you ignore all the signs mom? I'm hurt and I want to die. Why did you forget about the time I told you I tried to kill myself? Why did you say ""ew"" at the time? Why did you tell me to never do it again? Why did you tell me we're just gonna have to make it on our own? I wanted help. I'm hurt. I'm angry and frustrated. It's too late for me to get better. I want to disappear.",1,give ever get better life rest life youth already wasted rotten inside pill desk constant reminder also comforting way anytime would want light window reminder world go forget like thought used feel ashamed always feeling ignored seen want please hate much easier please forget please think deserve better fuck screw make face like get wrinkle crazy stupid know anything like laying bed day ignore sign mom hurt want die forget time told tried kill say ew time tell never tell gon na make wanted help hurt angry frustrated late get better want disappear -"So i’m nearly 25 and since about age 18 I’ve struggled 90% of the time with everything… Feel lost with my life and job, don’t have the ‘drive’ to want or even put in effort into finding a girlfriend, in a job I don’t really want a future in, but have no interests or enthusiasm about anything, I am just plodding along and it’s so so shit. Have friends that are starting to establish themselves and live quite happily and progress in themselves so all I do is compare and procrastinate. -Don’t like spending money, have about 20k saved up and a car worth about 8k, which in the grand scheme of things is NOTHING… so I just see myself living this shit average little life with no actual purpose and that i’m running out of time but don’t seem to do anything about it. -The laziness is mental laziness not physical. Fail to see any improvements or have any positive outlook because all I think about 100% of the time is what’s ‘wrong’ in my life. -My whole perception of everything is bad and all in my head, can’t shift it because it feels so natural now. Brain fog for about 6 years, shit memory, no focus, can’t think straight or rationally. -Don’t know if i’m too hard on myself or expect too much, or if I know I can be doing better. -‘I just don’t even know’ is how I’d sum up my feelings.",1,nearly since age struggled 90 time everything feel lost life job drive want even put effort finding girlfriend job really want future interest enthusiasm anything plodding along shit friend starting establish live quite happily progress compare procrastinate like spending money 0k saved car worth k grand scheme thing nothing see living shit average little life actual purpose running time seem anything laziness mental laziness physical fail see improvement positive outlook think 00 time wrong life whole perception everything bad head shift feel natural brain fog year shit memory focus think straight rationally know hard expect much know better even know sum feeling -"So I recently was put up for a promotion at work to a position that would allow me to work less hours,less days and make more money while also furthering my future. I have never been happier - -Until recently - -I'm in the final stages of the process to get hired but I'm still CURRENTLY in my previous position. We have a rule at work, you can be late once per 30 Days, if you go over that you get written up and put on a ""disciplinary level"". Which wouldnt be so terrible if one of the stipulations of being put on a disciplinary level is being unable to transfer positions for a year. - -So on sunday morning I wake up and start making breakfast, what i do every morning on my day off, I've been off every other weekend for the past 6 years so I go into autopilot and sit at the table, look at the clock and think ""I'd be at work right now"" so 8am rolls past and while I'm wating I see my phone buzz so I pick it up and look at the screen and see the words that make my heart climb into my throat every time - -""Boss: Where are you?? You were scheduled for 8"" - -I scramble upstairs so fast I knocked over the table and chairs and took some picture frames off the walls of the stairs, but I get to work and think ""it's fine its okay I just cant be late for 30 days,easy enough"" - -3 days later it's an unbelievably slow day, so we all order sushi and I drew the short straw to pick it up. Takes me 25 minutes to get there, pick up the food and start heading back, so I'm at a stop light about 5 minutes from my job when I see a car blast through the light and TBone a truck causing a huge accident and blocking my path back to my job, - -I feel my heart sink and my ears ring, the closest way back is an extra 10 minutes at least, this asshole running a red light may cost me my job, - -I'm not proud of it but I sped the entire way there to get back to the hospital, I sprint out of my car(leaving the food) I get inside and dive to the time clock and swipe my card - -""Time punched 17:05 LATE"" - -At this point I just stand there for a second, unsure of what to do, do I tell my boss? Do i try to fix it? Do I lie? -I finally decide to text my boss and explain the whole scenario in detail, expecting to get back a next step, a scolding, reassurance or anything. Instead I get back one word - -""Ok"" - -Ok??? What does that even mean??? I want to press it further but I'm so scared of fucking up even more, I've taken on extra responsibilities this week and picked up 26 hours of overtime over the next 2 weeks as a subtle way of saying ""please dear god dont put me on a level I need this promotion"" - -This all happened 5 days ago and I'm living in panic every one of these days since that I'm going to get the ""Hey can you meet me in my office. Now"" call thatll signal the end of my dream to progress - -I'm not sure what to do at this point but I just had to get this out - -TL;DR: asshole running a stop sign and causing an accident could cost me my dream job",1,recently put promotion work position would allow work le hour le day make money also furthering future never happier recently final stage process get hired still currently previous position rule work late per 0 day go get written put disciplinary level wouldnt terrible one stipulation put disciplinary level unable transfer position year sunday morning wake start making breakfast every morning day every weekend past year go autopilot sit table look clock think work right roll past wating see phone buzz pick look screen see word make heart climb throat every time bos scheduled scramble upstairs fast knocked table chair took picture frame wall stair get work think fine okay cant late 0 day easy enough day later unbelievably slow day order sushi drew short straw pick take minute get pick food start heading back stop light minute job see car blast light tbone truck causing huge accident blocking path back job feel heart sink ear ring closest way back extra 0 minute least asshole running red light may cost job proud sped entire way get back hospital sprint car leaving food get inside dive time clock swipe card time punched 0 late point stand second unsure tell bos try fix lie finally decide text bos explain whole scenario detail expecting get back next step scolding reassurance anything instead get back one word ok ok even mean want press scared fucking even taken extra responsibility week picked hour overtime next week subtle way saying please dear god dont put level need promotion happened day ago living panic every one day since going get hey meet office call thatll signal end dream progress sure point get tl dr asshole running stop sign causing accident could cost dream job -"Currently facing lots of family problems .my mental health is really suffering .i dont know what to do i am in high school i dont think i am able to study more because of my family's financial problem,also i dont have any true friends ,so i did not share my feelings and situations to anyone. Please help anyone !!",1,currently facing lot family problem mental health really suffering dont know high school dont think able study family financial problem also dont true friend share feeling situation anyone please help anyone -"Recently I just keeping feeling the void in my body and mind, it’s burning myself slowly. I no longer have desire to anything or anyone, like life itself has lost its meaning to me. I’m angry as well, been trying really hard to hide my emotions, so I can continue my daily life as a person. I’m not crying for help, but my situation is worse than I described. I’m thinking of ending things, hope that can make ppl happy. -Thanks for reading my petty litter words, have a good day folks!",1,recently keeping feeling void body mind burning slowly longer desire anything anyone like life lost meaning angry well trying really hard hide emotion continue daily life person cry help situation worse described thinking ending thing hope make ppl happy thanks reading petty litter word good day folk -"Hi there - -I've spent the past couple of months dealing w anxiety, depression and depersonalization, and trying/changing medications. I am on a part time work plan where I work remotely in the afternoons. - -Even though I go to bed at a very decent hour, I find it so difficult to get up in the morning. I will make plans to get up before 9 and get things accomplished, make an appointment, etc, and despite all this, I just turn my alarm off and sleep until noon, when I have to log on for work. I just dont want to be awake. - -I need to get back to work soon and will be getting up at my old time of 630 am every day, but I have no idea how ill do it. Things like that used to be so normal before but now I barely want to be awake or leave the house. - -Does anyone else struggle with this? Are there any tips you recommend to try to get your day started without dread ?",1,hi spent past couple month dealing w anxiety depression depersonalization trying changing medication part time work plan work remotely afternoon even though go bed decent hour find difficult get morning make plan get 9 get thing accomplished make appointment etc despite turn alarm sleep noon log work dont want awake need get back work soon getting old time 0 every day idea ill thing like used normal barely want awake leave house anyone else struggle tip recommend try get day started without dread -"hi all, i’ve recently gotten out of a pretty long depressive episode, i’ve cleaned my room and done my laundry. my biggest issue is now the dishes. i’ve acquired quite a few dishes in my room, and today a few of my roommates noticed that some things have been gone a while. how do i put them back without them really noticing that it’s back all at once and saving me from their anger and even more embarrassment?",1,hi recently gotten pretty long depressive episode cleaned room done laundry biggest issue dish acquired quite dish room today roommate noticed thing gone put back without really noticing back saving anger even embarrassment -i dont know what to do,1,dont know -"I'm slipping into a deep deep depression. Divorce, failed business, losing my home, many regrets etc.. etc.. - -I need a direction in my life I can focus and work hard on, but I don't even know where to begin. I need someone to help me as there's no way I can do it myself (I have ADHD so my mind goes in a million directions all the time). - -Is a good life coach what I need?",1,slipping deep deep depression divorce failed business losing home many regret etc etc need direction life focus work hard even know begin need someone help way adhd mind go million direction time good life coach need -I try and try but I just can’t do it.,1,try try -I am in my office's toilet for about an hour now and I cannot stop crying. I was having a good day for a change after a really long time in a while but one bad moment was enough to push me into this mess. I have been trying to make myself stop from crying because I need to go back to my desk but these stupid tears won't stop and my eyes look bloodshot right now and I forgot my eye drops in my purse. Life sucks,1,office toilet hour stop cry good day change really long time one bad moment enough push mess trying make stop cry need go back desk stupid tear stop eye look bloodshot right forgot eye drop purse life suck -"I have this tendency to abandon pretty much everything. When something or someone becomes somewhat of a challenge, I just leave them. I have ghosted girlfriends, I have completely disregarded good friends just because they invited me to do something i did t want to do. I have abandoned friends who had lent me a hand. I have abandoned work just because I didn't feel capable. - -I make stupidi excuses and then run away. - - Yesterday I stood up from my new job and left, made a bogus excuse vía text and quit via email. The job had a lot of potential but it was too stressful for me - -I have just noticed this is a pattern in how I cope with things. Every time I feel trapped I just want to bust out. I have a deep rooted belief that i need to be in control of my time and my space, and when something or someone interferes with that, I should be entitled to claim my supposed freedom. - -I don't know how to deal with this. I just noticed this pattern, and i can see how it affects my life. - -PS. English is not my first language. Typing on phone.",1,tendency abandon pretty much everything something someone becomes somewhat challenge leave ghosted girlfriend completely disregarded good friend invited something want abandoned friend lent hand abandoned work feel capable make stupidi excuse run away yesterday stood new job left made bogus excuse v text quit via email job lot potential stressful noticed pattern cope thing every time feel trapped want bust deep rooted belief need control time space something someone interferes entitled claim supposed freedom know deal noticed pattern see affect life p english first language typing phone -"I'm on mobile so please excuse me, I'm also a first-time poster on here. 28 female. - -I quit a job I had for 5 years, last year in May of 2021. I was really good at that job, one of the top people even if it was just a warehouse job, I was a trainer I knew how to do everything and a lot was expected of me everyday. My boss was incredibly verbally abusive to everyone, I didn't realize it for a few years but my last two years being there she was talking bad about everybody behind their back and just being a horrible human. I finally quit one day when I got a different job with an old coworker. I was working that job for about 2 months before I started to struggle going. At first it was because I felt inadequate and tired all the time, I have a problem with being new at things. It progressed to a new coworker there was starting to push my boundaries a little bit, older man telling me what to do and making me feel dumb, which I know is my own issue. I realize this whole post is my own issue.. but anyway. - - I ended up leaving that job because every time I was there I was going to the bathroom to cry at least once and I couldn't make myself do it anymore and between that place and the job I'm at now I had three other jobs, one was Amazon delivery, the other was a daycare, and the one before that was just instacart. I couldn't make enough money on instacart to even be a part-time job, it was also putting stress on my car. But I loved being able to work for myself basically and create my own hours. I hated how the kids at daycare were treated and it disgusted me to the point I couldn't work there anymore, and Amazon hours were terrible, and I wasn't getting home until 9:00 p.m. which does not work for my 8-year-old son. -I finally got this job in January of this year and so far it has been pretty good but I've noticed that I'm struggling to go a full 40 hour pay period, in the past 3 months I've missed seven days which is a lot I suppose. I just wake up in the morning and struggle to go and a voice in my head tells me that I don't need to and everything will be okay even if I decide not to go. As long as the excuse I have is good enough. And then I get so anxious about going back that I decide to stay home the next day and the day after that. - I'm currently on my third day of being at home and even though I have a good excuse I'm sure they don't believe me a little bit. I don't know what's wrong with me. I've always been a hard worker and up until my breaking point last year, I didn't know what this was. I still don't know what it is that I'm feeling. I'm not feeling entitlement or anything like that, I just feel empty and numb and what's the point of going? I have to have a verbal argument with myself, let me say that again, with myself. I literally have to talk out loud to myself and argue that I have a house payment, I have bills, I have a kid, who also has bills. What is wrong with me? My family on both sides has history of depression and I have unprofessionally diagnosed adhd, my mom has anxiety disorders. - Last year when I quit my job I left because of the work environment and how bad it was, and now my new job it's more laid back but it's the same kind of job, nd I'm constantly worried I'm being talked about and that I'm not good enough to be there. My anxiety from the other job is transferring here. For no reason. Everyone is incredibly nice. -I'm also struggling internally because I really want to go to college and get a better kind of job but I don't know what I want to do yet. I'm feeling overwhelmed by it because I'm a single mom and I don't know how I'm going to be able to go to school and work at the same time. So I guess for the past couple months I've also felt pretty trapped. Feeling like I'll never work for myself and I'll never get a good job because I can't figure my life out. - -But has anyone experienced this kind of feeling at my age? I don't know if it's burnout or if it's related to my cptsd that I have from a physically abusive relationship from years ago. I've tried looking it up on Google, I've tried listening to meditational motivation stuff, and anyone give me help? In the form of advice. I don't want to be like this forever. I know it's understandable to not want to work, but I should be at work literally right now and instead I'm in bed speak texting this because I know something's wrong with me. I can't afford to do anything therapy right now so just any insight or stories from when you were my age and you broke a little bit? I'm just scared and tired and I want to kick myself in the ass but I don't know how and I don't have the energy too. I really don't need to hear anything negative about me, because I can tell you I'm already thinking it. I just feel like a waste of space who can't get her s*** together. That my son deserves a better parent than me.",1,mobile please excuse also first time poster female quit job year last year may 0 really good job one top people even warehouse job trainer knew everything lot expected everyday bos incredibly verbally abusive everyone realize year last two year talking bad everybody behind back horrible human finally quit one day got different job old coworker working job month started struggle going first felt inadequate tired time problem new thing progressed new coworker starting push boundary little bit older man telling making feel dumb know issue realize whole post issue anyway ended leaving job every time going bathroom cry least make anymore place job three job one amazon delivery daycare one instacart make enough money instacart even part time job also putting stress car loved able work basically create hour hated kid daycare treated disgusted point work anymore amazon hour terrible getting home 9 00 p work year old son finally got job january year far pretty good noticed struggling go full 0 hour pay period past month missed seven day lot suppose wake morning struggle go voice head tell need everything okay even decide go long excuse good enough get anxious going back decide stay home next day day currently third day home even though good excuse sure believe little bit know wrong always hard worker breaking point last year know still know feeling feeling entitlement anything like feel empty numb point going verbal argument let say literally talk loud argue house payment bill kid also bill wrong family side history depression unprofessionally diagnosed adhd mom anxiety disorder last year quit job left work environment bad new job laid back kind job nd constantly worried talked good enough anxiety job transferring reason everyone incredibly nice also struggling internally really want go college get better kind job know want yet feeling overwhelmed single mom know going able go school work time guess past couple month also felt pretty trapped feeling like never work never get good job figure life anyone experienced kind feeling age know burnout related cptsd physically abusive relationship year ago tried looking google tried listening meditational motivation stuff anyone give help form advice want like forever know understandable want work work literally right instead bed speak texting know something wrong afford anything therapy right insight story age broke little bit scared tired want kick as know energy really need hear anything negative tell already thinking feel like waste space get together son deserves better parent -this sucks because im so appreciative about what i have esspecially after what ive gone through i feel so stupid complaining about anything now honestly because at the back of my mind im like i made it in a way but im more alone then ever and i dont know what to do honestly,1,suck im appreciative esspecially ive gone feel stupid complaining anything honestly back mind im like made way im alone ever dont know honestly -"Nowadays I find that things simply don't make me very happy, like video games, reading, watching tv. I have felt pretty neutral over the past couple of months but God I feel so stupid saying that the only thing that makes my day feel like it has meaning is my shit supermarket job where I rearrange products and basically ruin the day of whoever works in that aisle. - -I just like being told to do something and getting away from my not-so-nice home life. I'm exhausted during every shift and have passed out twice at work before but its the only thing that makes my life feel like it has any point. - -I feel like I want to take more hours so I can avoid this constant boredom, but my job also makes me feel so anxious and exhausted. I don't know what to do, it sounds so pathetic and stupid.",1,nowadays find thing simply make happy like video game reading watching tv felt pretty neutral past couple month god feel stupid saying thing make day feel like meaning shit supermarket job rearrange product basically ruin day whoever work aisle like told something getting away nice home life exhausted every shift passed twice work thing make life feel like point feel like want take hour avoid constant boredom job also make feel anxious exhausted know sound pathetic stupid -"I've so many health issues and I'm only 25. Starting with atopic and seborrhoeic dermatitis and psoriasis, through endometriosis and hypothyroidism to ibs, fucked up hips and pelvic floor. And that's not even all and obviously only phisical things that are wrong. - -And I really try to take care of all of this problems but it's exhausting. And for what? - -To live in a world where everything is getting more and more fucked up every minute. The pandemic, the war, the famine that's probably gonna come soon as a result of the war.(I'm Polish so very much can feel the effects of what's happening in Ukraine) I'm also vegan and knowing that so many animals are still suffering... - -And the prices of everything are going up i don't even think I can afford to live anymore. - -And I'm really trying, going on a walk in the forest everyday, doing yoga, eating healthy, just generally taking care of myself like a normal person would. But I just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. - -Rant over 😔",1,many health issue starting atopic seborrhoeic dermatitis psoriasis endometriosis hypothyroidism ibs fucked hip pelvic floor even obviously phisical thing wrong really try take care problem exhausting live world everything getting fucked every minute pandemic war famine probably gon na come soon result war polish much feel effect happening ukraine also vegan knowing many animal still suffering price everything going even think afford live anymore really trying going walk forest everyday yoga eating healthy generally taking care like normal person would see light end tunnel rant -"I'm not the same person, and I didn't like the person I was before that so it's not even considered a loss. But now, I just stopped caring. I genuinely stopped caring and it makes me want to hate myself, but the thing is, im too exhausted to even hate myself. I just feel like nothing, just an empty space where a human used to be. I've stopped caring and it scares me, i know the final step is when you stop caring and im at this step. I don't care to pursue my passions or talents because whats the point? Why live a live when I will be forgotten? Why was I even made? Like why even bother trying, what even is the point in living if I can't be bothered to try.",1,person like person even considered loss stopped caring genuinely stopped caring make want hate thing im exhausted even hate feel like nothing empty space human used stopped caring scare know final step stop caring im step care pursue passion talent whats point live live forgotten even made like even bother trying even point living bothered try -"Kk, I know it sounds weird and I can't quite explain it myself. So I was hanging out with a few friends (yes I'm surprised I have friends too) and anyway they invited one of their friends, who I didn't know. So I started hanging out with this friend of theirs and I was genuinely happy while hanging out with her. I can't really describe it as anything other than I liked her. I would've tried something but I started thinking about how much of a shitty, useless person I am. Even if I tried anything there's no chance that she'd even want anything to do with me. - -Fuck I just needed to get that bullshit off my chest. Sorry for wasting your time people.",1,kk know sound weird quite explain hanging friend yes surprised friend anyway invited one friend know started hanging friend genuinely happy hanging really describe anything liked would tried something started thinking much shitty useless person even tried anything chance even want anything fuck needed get bullshit chest sorry wasting time people -It never actually gets better. It seems like it is but it’s not. It’s just a lull until it comes back again even stronger. I’m done. I’m obviously not worth keeping around and deserve to be buried and forgotten. Who tf am I to want anything. Fucking idiot.,1,never actually get better seems like lull come back even stronger done obviously worth keeping around deserve buried forgotten tf want anything fucking idiot -"I genuinely wish i could say “fuck this. I’m out.”. There’s so many responsibilities, and yet so little “life” in me to carry all those things. - -I just hurt someone i love, accidentally of course, because i was trying to hurt my self, and that’s so fucking depressing and embarrassing. For God sake i’m almost 24, and still acting like a bratty teenager. My body hurt, my heart hurt. Can someone please just kill me already?",1,genuinely wish could say fuck many responsibility yet little life carry thing hurt someone love accidentally course trying hurt self fucking depressing embarrassing god sake almost still acting like bratty teenager body hurt heart hurt someone please kill already -"A little about me first... i have always been the type of person to see things only black and white. I live my life through facts and being direct. Im very detailed and observant. I observe peoples behaviors and see who they really are (are they genuine? Fake?). Im also the type of person who analyzes everything. Could be over thinking. I analyze every conversation, every behavior, every tone, and i start to over think. Does this person hate me? Did i say the wrong thing? I dont think i can change the way i am by not caring because i had a lot of pressure of being perfect or good enough growing up. I define myself as a perfectionist and a people pleaser. I hate who i am and i push so many people away in my life because i dont feel like anyone actually cares about me. I feel alone and im sad. - -I started a program at school that is very competitive to get in. I was hoping to make friends there since we all worked so hard to get in. Its been about a year and i dont see any of them outside of school. No one texts me outside of school. And during school, no one talks about anything OTHER THAN SCHOOL. Its like no one actually cares what i did over the weekend. Or how my life is. I would put myself out there and be interested in others lives and even invite them to do stuff but i always get turned down. Every time i get turned down its just another step deeper into depression. I just hate the person i am and i feel like i dont belong in anyones life.",1,little first always type person see thing black white live life fact direct im detailed observant observe people behavior see really genuine fake im also type person analyzes everything could thinking analyze every conversation every behavior every tone start think person hate say wrong thing dont think change way caring lot pressure perfect good enough growing define perfectionist people pleaser hate push many people away life dont feel like anyone actually care feel alone im sad started program school competitive get hoping make friend since worked hard get year dont see outside school one text outside school school one talk anything school like one actually care weekend life would put interested others life even invite stuff always get turned every time get turned another step deeper depression hate person feel like dont belong anyones life -"Before I start talking, I want to apologise for my english skills, since it's not my mother tongue. -I just need to vent somewhere but I am also asking for help, but most importantly, I need someone to listen to me right now. I have no idea on what to do. - -I am a 16 year old student who goes to an art school, staying in a boarding school under the week. I have good parents and I love them and they love me, but have little understanding that depression is actually an illness. Due to my depression, I am very limited in talking about my feelings, since its exhausting and I do not know how to express myself. So when I'm usually confronted my them I say: ""I dont know"" ans they've grown tired of it. -I have been feeling more depressed but also suicidal, starting to plan my suicide. I wanted to take my life in late april, probably by hanging myself. I dont exaclty want to die, but I just couldnt see any way of me feeling better. But I want to feel better. I dont want to take my own life, I have a lot ahead of me. -A dear friend of mine and I talked to one of the workers in my boarding school and I told them everything, since I was afraid of taking my own life. But I didnt talk to my parents since on my side, its very difficult. -To explain this, my mum is one of the few people that got damaged by the covid vaccine. The doctors didnt take her serious and she suffered so much the past few months, breaking down and falling down the stairs one time. My dad is a very busy man and I feel like he is just...I dont know how to explain, but emotionally not there often. I know this is just my point of view and does not reflect reality, but I basically feel like this towards my parents. -The worker in my boarding school made up 3 options: 1. Stay in boarding school and looking for a therapist tomorrow 2. Calling my parents to take me home and 3. To go to the mental hospital immediately. -I just didnt know what to do. So the worker had to call my parents. They chose to take me home. -Even tho the worker said that my father sounded on the phone like he was understanding, the reality looked different. My parents where of course overwhelmed and angry, I tried my best explaining everything. For example, my mother said i didnt even try to get a new therapist, but I did my best. -When we got home, it got worse. -My father asked stuff like how I wanted to take my own life, I didnt want to tell him. Later, my mum came downstairs and we all talked. Well, not really. -They were overwhelmed and seemed angry, tho they said they werent. My parents screamed at me saying I didnt try to reach out to them, questioning why I didnt talk to them. But they said that they cant tell me reality or else I'd start panicking an crying, they told me that I cant accept the truth and I'm panicking because of this, that I'm acting up cause I was crying like a madman. I felt like my world was shattering. They screamed at me, that I wasnt trying my best and that I didnt even try. -I tried to explain to them that I was scared to tell them and stuff. I tried my best, but I dont think they really understood. They want me to go a mental hospital but I know this would make things worse for me. I neez my friends in boarding school, but I know that this cant keep going on. I know that school itself makes me feel bad, but I have all my friends there that help me so much. -But they said that it's too late for me and I should have made the decision earlier. -I'm just totally...I dont know. -I cant stop crying. I was speechless to how they screamed at me, breaking down in front of them. And I dont know what to do or how I should handle the situation. -We wanted to go to my old therapist (who isnt really good) but we cant reach him. I don't know what to do. I am home right now, but I wanna go back to my friends. I really need them right now. But if course i cant. -My mum is still saying how she cant keep up with me and shes overwhelmed with me. - -Can someone help me please? Or at least can I have some comforting words? -Im very sorry to anyone who has to read this, but thank you for listening. -Have a good day or night",1,start talking want apologise english skill since mother tongue need vent somewhere also asking help importantly need someone listen right idea year old student go art school staying boarding school week good parent love love little understanding depression actually illness due depression limited talking feeling since exhausting know express usually confronted say dont know an grown tired feeling depressed also suicidal starting plan suicide wanted take life late april probably hanging dont exaclty want die couldnt see way feeling better want feel better dont want take life lot ahead dear friend mine talked one worker boarding school told everything since afraid taking life didnt talk parent since side difficult explain mum one people got damaged covid vaccine doctor didnt take serious suffered much past month breaking falling stair one time dad busy man feel like dont know explain emotionally often know point view reflect reality basically feel like towards parent worker boarding school made option stay boarding school looking therapist tomorrow calling parent take home go mental hospital immediately didnt know worker call parent chose take home even tho worker said father sounded phone like understanding reality looked different parent course overwhelmed angry tried best explaining everything example mother said didnt even try get new therapist best got home got worse father asked stuff like wanted take life didnt want tell later mum came downstairs talked well really overwhelmed seemed angry tho said werent parent screamed saying didnt try reach questioning didnt talk said cant tell reality else start panicking cry told cant accept truth panicking acting cause cry like madman felt like world shattering screamed wasnt trying best didnt even try tried explain scared tell stuff tried best dont think really understood want go mental hospital know would make thing worse neez friend boarding school know cant keep going know school make feel bad friend help much said late made decision earlier totally dont know cant stop cry speechless screamed breaking front dont know handle situation wanted go old therapist isnt really good cant reach know home right wan na go back friend really need right course cant mum still saying cant keep shes overwhelmed someone help please least comforting word im sorry anyone read thank listening good day night -"First off I have very little experience in dealing with anyone with Depression I freely admit that. - -Over the past couple of months I have been Chatting with and Hanging out with this amazing woman I met on a Dating app. - -She has Severe Anxiety, PPD (Postnatal Depression), Suicidal Thoughts etc - -We'd hit things off pretty well just from chatting over the app from what I thought. There were a couple of times where she'd wanted to end her life so she tells me but she managed to get past that. - -The first time I met her in Person was amazing I had never ever felt so at ease taking with a woman before it went really well. At that point I knew this chick was worth the time we just clicked that well instantly. - -Since then we've done a couple of day trips places and that went very well, also one of those times was with her young child. (less then 1yo) she doesn't have a lot of time for herself and finds it hard to get a decent nights sleep partly to do with the young one waking in the middle of the night. - -Lately she's had a couple of very low moments, her home life isn't the best. (Still living at home because finically she cannot afford to leave) she gets Abuse from her mother constantly and also seems to live in fear especially when her child is being loud it could wake her Mother. - -As of last week she admitted that she really liked me I have been clear all along that I really like her! just so she's not thinking that she's in limbo. - -I live over an hour away from her but I do travel up to her home town for work at least twice a week sometimes less sometimes more. - -There's some weird thing where she doesn't want her mum knowing about me. So consequently I cant see her that much unless mum is not home which really sucks. - -I find it hard to deal with when it feels like she's giving me the cold shoulder. I know it's the depression that's doing it not her true feelings. One of her Red Flags about dating me is that I don't know/understand her mental health. However the way I see it is if you don't tell me then I can't understand but apparently that was not the way to approach that one... - -I'd love for nothing more then to give her a big hug that in the hopes that it might make her feel a little better about things but unfortunately I don't get the opportunity. She knows that I will come up any time I don't mind driving at all so I don't let that be a barrier plus I can afford to do so. - -I'm scared to loose her because I really want her and I to work. - -At times I want to just say stuff it and walk away but I know that's not what I want. - -&#x200B; - -If anyone has experienced the same thing or something similar your advice is much appreciated.",1,first little experience dealing anyone depression freely admit past couple month chatting hanging amazing woman met dating app severe anxiety ppd postnatal depression suicidal thought etc hit thing pretty well chatting app thought couple time wanted end life tell managed get past first time met person amazing never ever felt ease taking woman went really well point knew chick worth time clicked well instantly since done couple day trip place went well also one time young child le yo lot time find hard get decent night sleep partly young one waking middle night lately couple low moment home life best still living home finically afford leave get abuse mother constantly also seems live fear especially child loud could wake mother last week admitted really liked clear along really like thinking limbo live hour away travel home town work least twice week sometimes le sometimes weird thing want mum knowing consequently cant see much unless mum home really suck find hard deal feel like giving cold shoulder know depression true feeling one red flag dating know understand mental health however way see tell understand apparently way approach one love nothing give big hug hope might make feel little better thing unfortunately get opportunity know come time mind driving let barrier plus afford scared loose really want work time want say stuff walk away know want amp x 00b anyone experienced thing something similar advice much appreciated -"I think the pandemic hit me hard. I moved out of my childhood home of 30 years, 6 weeks before the pandemic hit. I had worked 2 jobs and saved for 4 years for a deposit on a place of my own, which, in the very expensive city I live in, was 50kms away from my family. It felt like such an amazing achievement at the time. - -But ever since then, mentally I've never been the same. I am so lonely yet I enjoy living alone.I am a highly anxious person. I always was but now I just worry all the time. I move about life with a permanent storm cloud over my head. I struggle to regulate my emotions. I am getting more and more overweight and cannot seem to stop eating bad food. I quit my job in 2021 and got a new one, but I have never quite been happy or settled there. - -I have tried mindfulness, regular exercise, breathing techniques. Everything you can think of. I went to the doctor for help with regulating my low moods and she put me on the pill which has made things even worse. I am feeling things lower than ever before. I had a really bad day at work today, and for the first time ever, I thought (not in any way seriously or actionable, but the thought popped into my mind) how suicide would be an option to not have to deal with things. - -Everyone around me seems to be so busy with husbands, wives, kids, activities etc. I seem to be getting left behind. - -How do I cope with this? How do I get back to being happy and determined and not so down and low?",1,think pandemic hit hard moved childhood home 0 year week pandemic hit worked job saved year deposit place expensive city live 0kms away family felt like amazing achievement time ever since mentally never lonely yet enjoy living alone highly anxious person always worry time move life permanent storm cloud head struggle regulate emotion getting overweight seem stop eating bad food quit job 0 got new one never quite happy settled tried mindfulness regular exercise breathing technique everything think went doctor help regulating low mood put pill made thing even worse feeling thing lower ever really bad day work today first time ever thought way seriously actionable thought popped mind suicide would option deal thing everyone around seems busy husband wife kid activity etc seem getting left behind cope get back happy determined low -"This is a really long rant, but I just needed to get it out. I feel like I'm starting to become a better version of myself, one that people like/respect and want to be around. And I just can't stop beating myself up for not being this version in college. When I was nearly suicidal and I lost some friends who kept abandoning me and affirming the horrible thoughts I was already having. - -Last year, one of my roommates lowkey bullied me and I started to believe I was a terrible person and was overthinking everything I ever said wrong, especially when a couple other friends abandoned me at the same time over something they were upset I said (which I think could have been resolved with communication but they didn't try). But I talked to my other former roommate recently and she said that I was fine, that I didn't deserve any of it and she didn't know what I was going through at the time. As she said, ""don't just turn the page, close the fucking book."" And I started to feel like I was getting closure about stuff. - -So I thought I would text one of the other people who sort of ""broke up"" with me. It's been a year, I just apologized for how shit went down in the friend group without blaming her or anyone else and really poured my heart out about how dark my mental health was at the time. And I said she could apologize to the other girls (who I believe blocked me) if she wanted. I know it was a little selfish to unload like that, but I made sure to say that I didn't expect anything of her and she didn't need to respond. And she didn't reply. But she did like my instagram post today. - -I know they don't owe me anything and I swear I'm not mad, but I think part of me was still holding on hope to some form of closure. Part of me hoped that they still cared, that maybe they would care a little if they knew how dark it was for me at the time. I know that's selfish, but damn the last few times we hung out were just me doing her favors and giving her rides before she ""broke up"" with me as a friend, so to speak. But no one cared. As soon as I wasn't a ""fun friend"", they bounced at the first sign of conflict/mental illness. - -And again, I'm not mad, I'm not gonna harass anyone with texts/expectations. But it really fucking sucks to feel like I've been going through this horrific and terrifying period just to discover that no one cared. It wouldn't have mattered if they knew, they just couldn't be bothered.",1,really long rant needed get feel like starting become better version one people like respect want around stop beating version college nearly suicidal lost friend kept abandoning affirming horrible thought already last year one roommate lowkey bullied started believe terrible person overthinking everything ever said wrong especially couple friend abandoned time something upset said think could resolved communication try talked former roommate recently said fine deserve know going time said turn page close fucking book started feel like getting closure stuff thought would text one people sort broke year apologized shit went friend group without blaming anyone else really poured heart dark mental health time said could apologize girl believe blocked wanted know little selfish unload like made sure say expect anything need respond reply like instagram post today know owe anything swear mad think part still holding hope form closure part hoped still cared maybe would care little knew dark time know selfish damn last time hung favor giving ride broke friend speak one cared soon fun friend bounced first sign conflict mental illness mad gon na harass anyone text expectation really fucking suck feel like going horrific terrifying period discover one cared mattered knew bothered - I want to be dead. Ive been suicidal for years. Im such a fucking retard filled with regret and anger. Im done with life. I want all of this to stop. Why I cant do one thing right.,1,want dead ive suicidal year im fucking retard filled regret anger im done life want stop cant one thing right -"I've lost 2 years of my life to the pandemic. I became a slob. I forgot how to care for basic hygiene and everything I own is tight and uncomfortable. I have no job or any motivation to find one. I waste away everyday. - -But during all of the last two years I had supportive friends and I think I finally overdid it yesterday. A friend of mine who I'm closest to called me lazy. She knows about my depression, my bad reaction to medication which made me stop taking them and how I'm treated as a sub human at home. And yet she called me lazy. - -This is the first time I've been called lazy and I'm so heart broken. My irl support system has crumbled and now I have no one I can talk to about... Anything. - -I hate how being burnt out is seen as laziness. I'm so tired.",1,lost year life pandemic became slob forgot care basic hygiene everything tight uncomfortable job motivation find one waste away everyday last two year supportive friend think finally overdid yesterday friend mine closest called lazy know depression bad reaction medication made stop taking treated sub human home yet called lazy first time called lazy heart broken irl support system crumbled one talk anything hate burnt seen laziness tired -"Title says it all really. - -Bit of context: I've been depressed for the better part of 3 years. It started late into high school. I've been referred to multiple mental health services, none of which have helped. I was first referred to CAHMS when I was 16-17. I stopped going to these sessions due to me not being able to open up. - -I was then referred to SAMH about a year later. This was also no help. - -Finally, I was referred to the Community Mental Health Team Lanarkshire. These sessions were in person where I spoke to a ""qualified"" mental health nurse. I honestly have no fucking clue how this guy got his job. He was totally unprofessional, had this patronising attitude the entire time, was rude and condescending at points and even laughed at me when I said I felt mediocre. The one silver lining here was that he had the ability to refer me onto a psychotherapist, which he said that I was on a 6 month waiting list for. I didn't continue going to these sessions, however I assumed I'd still be on the waiting list. I remember my final session with him, I told him I was suicidal again. - -Cut to about 3 months later, I phone them back up to check the progress on the waiting list and when I'd be seeing a psychotherapist. I was told by a receptionist that I'm not on any waiting list. This was very distressing to me because it felt like I had been waiting all this time for nothing. It turns out that they discharged me because I didn't continue going to the sessions. - -I'm at my wits end here. I keep trying to get help but the NHS is just straight up incompetent. I wrote a letter to my GP explaining the situation and I got a phone call basically telling me there's nothing they can do and that I have to phone the Community Mental Health Team to see if I can get back on the waiting list. - -I'm so annoyed. All this time spent waiting to finally get some proper help, and this happens? I don't know what to do. Please, if there's anyone out there who's been through a similar experience, tell me what to do.",1,title say really bit context depressed better part year started late high school referred multiple mental health service none helped first referred cahms stopped going session due able open referred samh year later also help finally referred community mental health team lanarkshire session person spoke qualified mental health nurse honestly fucking clue guy got job totally unprofessional patronising attitude entire time rude condescending point even laughed said felt mediocre one silver lining ability refer onto psychotherapist said month waiting list continue going session however assumed still waiting list remember final session told suicidal cut month later phone back check progress waiting list seeing psychotherapist told receptionist waiting list distressing felt like waiting time nothing turn discharged continue going session wit end keep trying get help nh straight incompetent wrote letter gp explaining situation got phone call basically telling nothing phone community mental health team see get back waiting list annoyed time spent waiting finally get proper help happens know please anyone similar experience tell -"This thread. It's,, I don't know what I'd do without it. I'm rarely ever on reddit. And when I am, I'm on it for this. I'm on it because I'm so overwhelmed by... by everything. And I'm too scared, or ashamed, or.. or just so fucking tired to go to family, friends, my fucking PARTNER to walk them through what I'm feeling and how... how it's not... how it's not how it is how it is. There's no reason. It just HAPPENS. It. Just Happens. It just happens. And here: r/depression. Here. Here I feel safe. And whenever I have a breakdown, I come here. To rant. To feel. To collect my thoughts. Even if no one reads - even if people do - it's here I go to rant. Anonymously. Often drunk, on alcohol sometimes, but often drunk on emotion. Here is where I feel safe. Where I can be not who I am IRL, but an anonymous Eddingsaurus\_Rex. - -&#x200B; - -It's okay. - -Had a bad day. - -Hands are bruised - -From breaking rocks all day, - -&#x200B; - -Fuck depression, Fuck this, Fuck this feeling. I hate myself. I hate this. I hate this so much. I can't. And it's working hours. FOR FUCKS SAKE. It's working hours. I'M SUPPOSED TO BE PRODCITIVE. FICMK THIS. - -KYUCK THIS SHIT.",1,thread know without rarely ever reddit overwhelmed everything scared ashamed fucking tired go family friend fucking partner walk feeling reason happens happens happens r depression feel safe whenever breakdown come rant feel collect thought even one read even people go rant anonymously often drunk alcohol sometimes often drunk emotion feel safe irl anonymous eddingsaurus rex amp x 00b okay bad day hand bruised breaking rock day amp x 00b fuck depression fuck fuck feeling hate hate hate much working hour fuck sake working hour supposed prodcitive ficmk kyuck shit -"Been on mirtazapine for 3 weeks, made my depression way worse and didn't do anything for anxiety - -It's mostly for anxiety,, I havent really went into details about depression, but it's supposed to be effective for both right? - -Im gonna have to start smoking weed again, will that have an effect?",1,mirtazapine week made depression way worse anything anxiety mostly anxiety havent really went detail depression supposed effective right im gon na start smoking weed effect -"It’s so strange waking up everyday with this sense that you want things to “go back to the way they were.” Like your brain has its own lil Trumpster lying to you telling you your childhood was better before, or you were happy before you started this job, etc.. - -The truth is it’s always sucked though lol. There are brief moments now where you feel like things are okay, but it’s more of a lack of feeling. - -I’ve always thought I was broken because this has been my constant state since I was so small. I thought I’d grow out of it… or I wouldn’t, but life only continues to throw “curveballs.” - -To others, I seem high functioning, though kind of emotional. - -But I can’t get myself to focus on anything. I can’t wake up on time for work. I work in insurance sales, so I hate what I do. I have to pretend to care about people and their problems, but it just hurts so bad all of the time. - -I know my boyfriend doesn’t understand. He’s in medical school and has his own struggles, but I know he feels love. He tells me he does. I don’t, and even if I do see briefly in his eyes that he does care for me, I quickly forget. - -Depression has made me into a terrible person. I should be so lucky to have someone who loves me so much, to have “my looks,” my wit, and the opportunities I’ve been afforded; but I can’t help but feel so completely destitute. He has helped me find some confidence in myself with pursing going back to school, but I’m just so tired of it. The sales calls, the applications, car issues, bills, health stuff, and every other fucking thing. - -When will I be able to do the things I need to do? Like eat 3 meals a day? Have the energy to learn new things? Exercise? - -Also, has anyone had any luck with any online therapy/medication consultation?",1,strange waking everyday sense want thing go back way like brain lil trumpster lying telling childhood better happy started job etc truth always sucked though lol brief moment feel like thing okay lack feeling always thought broken constant state since small thought grow life continues throw curveballs others seem high functioning though kind emotional get focus anything wake time work work insurance sale hate pretend care people problem hurt bad time know boyfriend understand medical school struggle know feel love tell even see briefly eye care quickly forget depression made terrible person lucky someone love much look wit opportunity afforded help feel completely destitute helped find confidence pursing going back school tired sale call application car issue bill health stuff every fucking thing able thing need like eat meal day energy learn new thing exercise also anyone luck online therapy medication consultation -"I’m a 21 yr old female and I was diagnosed with bipolar 1 when I was 18. Almost been a month but I’ve noticed that my anger has totally converted into full rage when I was just depressed a month before. - -It’s been 12 years since my dads death but it isn’t a normal death. He was murdered in cold blood because he was running for politics. - -I have been trying to seek help from therapists but it isn’t enough for me to let go and move on. My older brother and boyfriend have been trying to convince me to move on, but it’s not easy. I don’t think I can. - -I’ve been feeling very vengeful, more than before about this situation. But every time I let out my anger, I go full rage, and when that episode is over, I can’t help but feel hopeless and fucking worthless. I cry my heart out. But then I’m filled with anger and rage again. - - -Even conversations with my boyfriend would make me snap, but instead of taking it out on him, I simply tell him I need to call him back then I self destruct. Sometimes I feel like he doesn’t really care since he sends me one worded texts but it’s whatever, it isn’t his problem. - -Don’t know if I’m alone in this one or if anyone feels the same as me.",1,yr old female diagnosed bipolar almost month noticed anger totally converted full rage depressed month year since dad death normal death murdered cold blood running politics trying seek help therapist enough let go move older brother boyfriend trying convince move easy think feeling vengeful situation every time let anger go full rage episode help feel hopeless fucking worthless cry heart filled anger rage even conversation boyfriend would make snap instead taking simply tell need call back self destruct sometimes feel like really care since sends one worded text whatever problem know alone one anyone feel -"I come from a pretty african evangelical household where mental health wasn’t talked about or addressed growing up. - -In the last few years, i’ve noticed intense waves of sadness and internal pain turn from short stints of time to practically everyday now. There will be time periods of elation, but for the most part my disposition has remained sad. - -on an almost daily basis i feel anger/irritability, deep sadness about the way things haven’t worked out for me in the past or currently, or intense rejection from others who may not intend their actions to be rejection. - -for example, the housemates i live with are a married couple who i was in their wedding, so we’re all friends. when i first moved in, they would always have dinner with me, asking me what i wanted to eat for dinner. but that has tapered off and tonight i walked in from work late and saw they had dinner together and were enjoying tv. it broke me and i went to my room feeling intense inner pain. - -this stuff is so new to me—i have no clue how to continue through life because nobody knows i struggle with this. i don’t even know where to begin to share with others or begin to understand what help i need. any advice would be much appreciated.",1,come pretty african evangelical household mental health talked addressed growing last year noticed intense wave sadness internal pain turn short stint time practically everyday time period elation part disposition remained sad almost daily basis feel anger irritability deep sadness way thing worked past currently intense rejection others may intend action rejection example housemate live married couple wedding friend first moved would always dinner asking wanted eat dinner tapered tonight walked work late saw dinner together enjoying tv broke went room feeling intense inner pain stuff new clue continue life nobody know struggle even know begin share others begin understand help need advice would much appreciated -"I don't think I'm being irrational. I know that nobody will ever want to be with me romantically. Im getting more depressed by the day, and I already notice my few friends distancing themselves. I can't blame them, I'm sure I'm not fun to be around. There's very few people with whom I feel like I can share how I'm really feeling, but doing so just pushes them away. - -I need my life to be different, not to be stuck in this worthless body. I need optimism, but there's none left in me. I don't think I'll ever be able to kill myself, so it's just going to be 30,40,50, maybe even 60 or 70 more years of this void. - -Maybe I'll be struck by lightning or something. Fingers crossed.",1,think irrational know nobody ever want romantically im getting depressed day already notice friend distancing blame sure fun around people feel like share really feeling push away need life different stuck worthless body need optimism none left think ever able kill going 0 0 0 maybe even 0 0 year void maybe struck lightning something finger crossed -"Today I was prescribed Xanax and Celexa -For my depression and anxiety. I have major anxiety about taking pills, the side effects freak me out especially when it comes to mental medication. I’ve took Zoloft in the pass for a couple days and it freak me out with suicidal thoughts, very angry and ticked off. I’m scared this might happen again. I’m so lost on what to do I really need the help but scared of the help 😕",1,today prescribed xanax celexa depression anxiety major anxiety taking pill side effect freak especially come mental medication took zoloft pas couple day freak suicidal thought angry ticked scared might happen lost really need help scared help -"Someone said this to me today. He wasn't being serious, it was just banter, his bros would probably be like ""yea you're right I do have great tits"" but it really opened up a healing wound for me. - -Being bullied growing up for my looks, I've always been fat and people have used that against me for years. These past few years, I've been healing, feeling much better about myself and started to gain confidence. I don't think I'm ugly, I'm very much average, and curves are much more appreciated nowadays, but the feeling of inadequacy just never truly goes away. - -Sometimes when I'm really down, I'll start self criticising, and it has crossed my mind that people who talk to me are just attracted to me physically. I'm not the most interesting person, I'm not funny, I don't get jokes sometimes and I take things too seriously. I've been girlfriend zoned so many times, it's tiring, I just shut myself off from society. Men who were interested in me were never really interested in my hobbies, interests, whatever. They always complimented me on my looks but that was it. If I ever tell them that I'm not interested, even if we talked every single day and were friends, they'd just ghost me. - -It was just something he said but wow was it hurtful. I cried for the first time after months of emotional numbness. I cried because it was probably true to a certain degree and I feel like shit.",1,someone said today serious banter bros would probably like yea right great tit really opened healing wound bullied growing look always fat people used year past year healing feeling much better started gain confidence think ugly much average curve much appreciated nowadays feeling inadequacy never truly go away sometimes really start self criticising crossed mind people talk attracted physically interesting person funny get joke sometimes take thing seriously girlfriend zoned many time tiring shut society men interested never really interested hobby interest whatever always complimented look ever tell interested even talked every single day friend ghost something said wow hurtful cried first time month emotional numbness cried probably true certain degree feel like shit -I'M FUCKING 34 AND WHY THE FUCK DO I STILL FEEL THIS SHIT? FUCK FUCK FUXK FUXK FUCK FUCK THIS. I HATE THIS,1,fucking fuck still feel shit fuck fuck fuxk fuxk fuck fuck hate -"I'm 26 & I literally can't imagine a future *here* for myself at all. I only see my depression worsening as time goes on, working crappy minimum wage jobs, still all alone, living alone with no one to care about me, the list goes on & on. I seriously feel like one day I will eventually commit suicide like its just my destiny & I'm becoming more & more content with it as time goes on. I do put this down to myself just not functioning well in a capitalist society and i've pretty much accepted i just have no place in a world like this - -Do you guys feel like this too?",1,amp literally imagine future see depression worsening time go working crappy minimum wage job still alone living alone one care list go amp seriously feel like one day eventually commit suicide like destiny amp becoming amp content time go put functioning well capitalist society pretty much accepted place world like guy feel like -"i can’t remember a time when i wasn’t struggling…i’ve wanted to die for as long as i can remember and i’m worried i’m no longer afraid of death. i just don’t understand myself. i can get up every day and do everything i need to, put my retainers in and wash my face before i sleep, get great grades but no one knows how much my body aches and how hard i have to push myself to do all those things. i joke around my friends and plaster this fake ass smile on my face around everybody but i contemplate my death every night. every. single. night. and i can never sleep before 4am anymore yet i wake up bright and early as if i didn’t almost kill myself the night before. there was a point in my life where i didn’t get out of bed for months, didn’t brush my teeth for weeks, failed every class, never spoke to anyone and got sickly skinny from loss of appetite. it was so awful and i never want to return to that state again that i let myself fall apart now trying to keep my composure. and no one knows. there’s not a single soul in my life who’s aware though i try to talk about it without dragging everyone down with me. - -i’ve also caught myself dissociating a lot more these days, can’t remember shit, can’t feel excitement at all or any other emotion other than despair and exhaustion. and the terrible brain fog. i just don’t know what to do anymore, don’t know how much longer i can keep my act up, i’m repulsed by the idea that i’d have to do this forever. don’t want to talk to anyone about it either in fear that i’d just be a burden. friends and family call me over dramatic and don’t even take it seriously because they’re never there to see how bad it is and idk how to show them. don’t even know what the point of me posting this is. i doubt anyone would even see this or waste precious time reading through this long ass post.",1,remember time struggling wanted die long remember worried longer afraid death understand get every day everything need put retainer wash face sleep get great grade one know much body ache hard push thing joke around friend plaster fake as smile face around everybody contemplate death every night every single night never sleep anymore yet wake bright early almost kill night point life get bed month brush teeth week failed every class never spoke anyone got sickly skinny loss appetite awful never want return state let fall apart trying keep composure one know single soul life aware though try talk without dragging everyone also caught dissociating lot day remember shit feel excitement emotion despair exhaustion terrible brain fog know anymore know much longer keep act repulsed idea forever want talk anyone either fear burden friend family call dramatic even take seriously never see bad idk show even know point posting doubt anyone would even see waste precious time reading long as post -So I live 11 hours away from where I was born and raised. Well my very best friends twin brother ODed because someone put fentanyl into his drink/smoke and he was always like a brother to me. But I can’t make it to his funeral…. I hate myself for it… I want to be there for my best friend and I want to be able to say goodbye to a good friend… I haven’t talked to him in a long time and the way we talked to each other was just always giving each other a hard time… and now I regret it so much and just wish I would’ve kept up with him and been nicer… and I have to miss his funeral because I don’t know how to save my fucking money & my job has no one to replace me while I’m gone… fuck I wish I wasn’t like this… I can’t stop crying about it or the fact that I feel like I’m letting down my best friend by not being there for her. She says it’s okay and she understands but I can’t help but feel like shit..,1,live hour away born raised well best friend twin brother oded someone put fentanyl drink smoke always like brother make funeral hate want best friend want able say goodbye good friend talked long time way talked always giving hard time regret much wish would kept nicer miss funeral know save fucking money amp job one replace gone fuck wish like stop cry fact feel like letting best friend say okay understands help feel like shit -" In 2018, I found out a former ""friend"" and person I used to have sex with in 2016 was posting my naked photos to a nude sharing reddit page/kik and trading them with strangers on the internet. We lived in two different countries when I discovered this and the only thing I could do was call/email with the police in his area and inform his girlfriend at the time. The police didn't really do much, but they were able to track him down and tell him (by phone or in person, not really sure) that he should delete the images he has of me. That was all that came of it, the police couldn't really even ensure he had deleted them. His girlfriend broke up with him. I did speak to him and he sounded sorry to have been caught, he didn't seem to feel bad at all for how he made me feel. Ever since I have been struggling with this. I feel extremely violated and stupid, especially since he could still have the photos and be trading them with other people. - -I was only 20 and he was 35 when we were sharing nudes and having sex, and I feel like I did something that could potentially follow me forever. I was struggling hard with mental illness at the time. I also had very little sleep and a stressful schedule, I feel like I went into some depressive spiral and I started doing dangerous and promiscuous things, including being with him. I know it's not an excuse however. - -Most days I just try not to think about what happened, but some days, it comes so strong and I get an intense urge to do something bad to myself. I am currently married to the love of my life and he was an amazing support when I discovered my images online in 2018. I know doing something bad to myself would absolutely crush him, but I feel so worthless sometimes. I still feel so violated. I have the guy blocked on facebook, but I know who his current partner is and I occasionally type in the usernames he used to share images to make sure there havent been any posts since then. He still seems to have a kik username active under the same name, but I have no idea if he is still using it. The police told me it would be hard to prosecute for something like this, so telling me that I should try to get legal help is useless. I obviously can't tell most people about this, only my husband knows, so thank you for listening. It's been years now since this all happened and I still occasionally feel extremely suicidal over it, I don't know what to do to stop this. I struggle with depression and anxiety on top of this, but I usually don't feel suicidal unless this comes up. Thanks for listening.",1,0 found former friend person used sex 0 posting naked photo nude sharing reddit page kik trading stranger internet lived two different country discovered thing could call email police area inform girlfriend time police really much able track tell phone person really sure delete image came police really even ensure deleted girlfriend broke speak sounded sorry caught seem feel bad made feel ever since struggling feel extremely violated stupid especially since could still photo trading people 0 sharing nude sex feel like something could potentially follow forever struggling hard mental illness time also little sleep stressful schedule feel like went depressive spiral started dangerous promiscuous thing including know excuse however day try think happened day come strong get intense urge something bad currently married love life amazing support discovered image online 0 know something bad would absolutely crush feel worthless sometimes still feel violated guy blocked facebook know current partner occasionally type usernames used share image make sure havent post since still seems kik username active name idea still using police told would hard prosecute something like telling try get legal help useless obviously tell people husband know thank listening year since happened still occasionally feel extremely suicidal know stop struggle depression anxiety top usually feel suicidal unless come thanks listening -"I struggle to get the things people take for granted. My whole school life has been extremely terrible, and i used to get bullied very badly back in kindergarten, and some of middle school. Im in highschool now and i have like no friends. Only 1 acquaintance. I dont go to the nice places that 'normal' people go to. for example: - -1. Never went to a waterpark -2. Never had a night out or went to the mall with friends or classmates -3. Never went to disneyland when i was a kid -4. Never went on a mall shopping spree -5. I've only ever been too the mall twice in my whole life. And I didn't even see all of the mall -6. Never went to dave and busters -7. Never went to an aquarium -8. Never had a female friend -9. Never even had a casual conversation with a girl -10. No gifts for christmas -11. No gifts for my birthday -12. No friends, no one to talk to. - -And a million more things that are normal for childhood, I didn't experience that. My childhood, i dont even want to start on that. I used to live in poverty in a 1 room tiny house with a cracked wall, and insects because my dad left us. My dad left the house when i was some months old, and he took the car and drove sluts in it. Regardless i wanted to speak to him. I still visited him and forgave him. But then he asked if i wanted to live with him in a bigger, nicer country with more opportunities. I said yes. I experienced true mental torment in that house and the worst part is, i didnt even know, i thought my parents were the victims because they brainwashed me so much about some things that i still sometimes struggle if i should believe them or not. In that house i was brainwashed to the point where i couldnt even think for myself, i couldnt tell what was true, i couldnt think anything for myself. I experienced some not good things. They said i can visit my mom in her country, and they pick me up in 4 days to go back to the airport. Waited 4 days. Waited a whole week. They never came. They left me and abandoned me and just left me in some other country, and fyi, that country is one of the poorest ones in my area. The house im at now with my mom, my sister, grandma and 2 uncles isnt perfect. In fact, sometimes i feel like im losing my mind there. They're pretty creepy sometimes...(except for one of my uncles in the house). They dont have any malicious intent or anything, but i just dont want to get into it right now. Im a few pounds overweight and almost got an eating disorder. Its not even my fault that im fat. My mom said its because i took a medicine when i was little and it had a side effect of weight gain. I literally eat 10x less than a normal person. I dont even eat breakfast like 99% of the time on school days. I used to get bullied shitless for my weight. No social life, no friends. Thats another depression aswell. 1 more ticked off the board... no big deal. My life so far has been full of depressing things so something like this doesnt seem that big anymore. - -This is only 50% of my life's shitness. If i went into everything then id prob have to spend like 1 and a half hours typing. My life has just been an absolute mess, and what you saw my post is just a fraction of my life so far. 1 persons trauma is just a small fraction of mine. Those people who has a 'dark phase' probably had a good phase. They had a normal life and they at least had a period in their life where they were happy. I just want to enjoy my life... is that too much to ask??? - -I feel so jealous of those people who can live a normal life, in a normal nice house with 2 stories, with friends, with people to talk to. My life has just been bullshit after bullshit.",1,struggle get thing people take granted whole school life extremely terrible used get bullied badly back kindergarten middle school im highschool like friend acquaintance dont go nice place normal people go example never went waterpark never night went mall friend classmate never went disneyland kid never went mall shopping spree ever mall twice whole life even see mall never went dave buster never went aquarium never female friend 9 never even casual conversation girl 0 gift christmas gift birthday friend one talk million thing normal childhood experience childhood dont even want start used live poverty room tiny house cracked wall insect dad left u dad left house month old took car drove slut regardless wanted speak still visited forgave asked wanted live bigger nicer country opportunity said yes experienced true mental torment house worst part didnt even know thought parent victim brainwashed much thing still sometimes struggle believe house brainwashed point couldnt even think couldnt tell true couldnt think anything experienced good thing said visit mom country pick day go back airport waited day waited whole week never came left abandoned left country fyi country one poorest one area house im mom sister grandma uncle isnt perfect fact sometimes feel like im losing mind pretty creepy sometimes except one uncle house dont malicious intent anything dont want get right im pound overweight almost got eating disorder even fault im fat mom said took medicine little side effect weight gain literally eat 0x le normal person dont even eat breakfast like 99 time school day used get bullied shitless weight social life friend thats another depression aswell ticked board big deal life far full depressing thing something like doesnt seem big anymore 0 life shitness went everything id prob spend like half hour typing life absolute mess saw post fraction life far person trauma small fraction mine people dark phase probably good phase normal life least period life happy want enjoy life much ask feel jealous people live normal life normal nice house story friend people talk life bullshit bullshit -"Nobody would care if i was dead, i don’t think my family would even react. I starved myself and fasted everyday and looked sick and no one even noticed or remembers.",1,nobody would care dead think family would even react starved fasted everyday looked sick one even noticed remembers -"I'm at that point, it's just too much. There's no way to even describe it anymore",1,point much way even describe anymore -Has anyone had trouble with making progress in therapy? I’ve tried therapy a fair bit throughout my life and I’ve never really gotten anywhere. This year has been exceptionally hard for me and so I have thrown myself into therapy and put a ton of effort both into finding therapists who were a good fit as well as really trying to put effort into it. Unfortunately I seem to be a failure at it. I’ve had four therapists tell me after a few months of seeing me that they didn’t think they were making any progress and although they all offered to keep seeing me if I wanted they didn’t want me to waste my money. I feel like a complete failure and lost cause. I honestly don’t know what it is that I’m doing wrong.,1,anyone trouble making progress therapy tried therapy fair bit throughout life never really gotten anywhere year exceptionally hard thrown therapy put ton effort finding therapist good fit well really trying put effort unfortunately seem failure four therapist tell month seeing think making progress although offered keep seeing wanted want waste money feel like complete failure lost cause honestly know wrong -"**Why am I like this?** - -Sometimes I think about what people reactions would be if they found out I committed suicide. Sometimes I think it's the only way for people to understand and feel the pain I am feeling. I know deep down I won't do it , Cowardice and my mom still being alive is the only thing stopping me - -I travel to and from work and I would always cry on the way. I feel depressed , I know I am depressed but if you would ask me why I wouldn't know where to start or what to say. Sometimes I don't even know why I'm depressed , I just am. Things are seemingly going well and nothing bad has happened yet why am I breaking down all the time and lashing out at others , why do i feel this familar feeling in my chest , like I'm holding something back. Like I'm on the verge of a break down? - -I'm not sure when it started but I'm so scared of people. I know my brain is telling me not to trust anyone or get close to anyone because I'll get hurt but I do it anyway. I choose to believe that this time it would be different. Now Im alone and I have nobody because I've tried to protect myself from others . Look at me now , trying to seek comfort from strangers . I feel so pathetic and useless. - -I want to be happy , I want to not care about what others think of me , I want to stop comparing myself to others and getting jealous of people my age who are more accomplished than me . I want to be happy with who I am. I want to love myself . Every year I would write in my journal my goal for the year and that would be at the top of my list. - -Do you know how tiring it i to pretend to be strong all the time ? Its my own fault. I did this. I put my guard up and pretended to be knowledgeable as if i didn't suffer from anything . Imagine , I'm the one people go to for advice. If only they knew how weak I really am . How stupid I am. I'm so tired of reading body langauage , facial expressions and voice tones and trying to decipher words to see if it has hidden meanings just to see if they are genuine . Living in fear of people and what they think of me. Absoutely breaking down at any mention of someone not liking me or liking something about me or what I did. - -Being cold and keeping people at arms length. Searching online ""meet people online"" and ""how to make friends online"" I'm 22 years old I've been typing it in for years , it dosen't work - -I'm so lonely. I have ""friends"" but none of them know who i really am. I put up a front for years , now no one knows how to approach me or what to say to me if they see me . I don't reply to text messages because to me it's a waste of time because they aren't my real friends . If I don't keep them around then I'm truly a loner . - -I go out of my way to be there for them but nobody asks me if I'm okay . Nobody asks anything about me , everyone assumes I'm okay . I feel so unfulfilled. I'm unhappy with my current academia but I'm procrastinating and making it worse. I feel no motivation to study all I'm doing is destroying my life. What do I do? I cant trust anyone . I've tried it for years and everyoe hasn't been genuine sighs. I'm lost",1,like sometimes think people reaction would found committed suicide sometimes think way people understand feel pain feeling know deep cowardice mom still alive thing stopping travel work would always cry way feel depressed know depressed would ask know start say sometimes even know depressed thing seemingly going well nothing bad happened yet breaking time lashing others feel familar feeling chest like holding something back like verge break sure started scared people know brain telling trust anyone get close anyone get hurt anyway choose believe time would different im alone nobody tried protect others look trying seek comfort stranger feel pathetic useless want happy want care others think want stop comparing others getting jealous people age accomplished want happy want love every year would write journal goal year would top list know tiring pretend strong time fault put guard pretended knowledgeable suffer anything imagine one people go advice knew weak really stupid tired reading body langauage facial expression voice tone trying decipher word see hidden meaning see genuine living fear people think absoutely breaking mention someone liking liking something cold keeping people arm length searching online meet people online make friend online year old typing year dosen work lonely friend none know really put front year one know approach say see reply text message waste time real friend keep around truly loner go way nobody asks okay nobody asks anything everyone assumes okay feel unfulfilled unhappy current academia procrastinating making worse feel motivation study destroying life cant trust anyone tried year everyoe genuine sigh lost -honestly i just need someone to talk to this has been the worst month of my life im holding back tears just typing this because it feels like im getting closer to the end because i never ask for help i was homeless for 3 years with bed bugs now i have a voucher so i live in a place now and im safe i just feel bad complaining abut this because it feels like i dont appreciate it and because ive been by myself my whole life it makes everything so much harder because when things go bad im on my own and im just tired of it i met this girl recently that we both practically fell in love with eachother instantly pale blonde brazillian girl she was super sweet she might be bipolar to because this shit blew up in both our faces within a span of a couple days also earlier this month a meth head tried to take my phone the bitch at the ssi building tried to 5150 me then a dog bit me all in the same day but i was chillin i recovered almost instantly but things like family arguments or the situation with this girl leave me feeling so upset for so long and dont get it im just tired of feeling sad i dont wanna feel like this anymore,1,honestly need someone talk worst month life im holding back tear typing feel like im getting closer end never ask help homeless year bed bug voucher live place im safe feel bad complaining abut feel like dont appreciate ive whole life make everything much harder thing go bad im im tired met girl recently practically fell love eachother instantly pale blonde brazillian girl super sweet might bipolar shit blew face within span couple day also earlier month meth head tried take phone bitch ssi building tried 0 dog bit day chillin recovered almost instantly thing like family argument situation girl leave feeling upset long dont get im tired feeling sad dont wan na feel like anymore -"Don't really know if that makes sense, but its a sort of feeling I get a lot",1,really know make sense sort feeling get lot -Today all good is dead. I feel a little funny,1,today good dead feel little funny -"Going through a depressive phase. Probably will last for a week (to the least). I picked up projects, when I wasn't in this depressive episode. And now I cut-of any communication with those people. As the time is passing, my anxiety is rising, so as to why I am not communicating, what they will think, judgements etc. - -What are your thoughts?",1,going depressive phase probably last week least picked project depressive episode cut communication people time passing anxiety rising communicating think judgement etc thought -"I was wondering what to do ... somedays he is so down and feels so low, all he wants is stay home and never go out. Today we went for a walk and he said ""it was nothing special"" but he thanked me for coming and said he had a good time - I want to find something special and out of the ordinary to make him forget about all the pressure and all the things he has in mind that make him feel down, depressed and so low... - -Any idea..?",1,wondering somedays feel low want stay home never go today went walk said nothing special thanked coming said good time want find something special ordinary make forget pressure thing mind make feel depressed low idea -"""..sometimes I think I was either born too early or too late for my life."" -- The Shape of Water - -Anyone else feel this way sometimes? I feel like somehow I wasn't supposed to be here. I don't seem to fit in with my life. Finding someone I click with has become like finding life on other planets. At 42, it's difficult not to momentarily succumb to feelings of quiet, heart heavy despair. 💔",1,sometimes think either born early late life shape water anyone else feel way sometimes feel like somehow supposed seem fit life finding someone click become like finding life planet difficult momentarily succumb feeling quiet heart heavy despair -" - -TL;DR: Have been abused mentally and physically by both parents throughout my childhood and even now at 18 years old. Very depressed and have suicidal thoughts, failing school and have poor social life. Afraid to fight back because it will end up in conflict, someone getting hurt, and me getting kicked out of the house for the millionth time. I still care about my parents for some reason and love them, I dont know why and am hesitant to go to authorities. I have nobody to move in with, not much money, no car. What do I do? Am I a coward? - -I am currently in my second semester of community college. I have lived through physical and verbal abuse throughout my entire childhood (Asian family). Beaten the crap out of every other day by drunk father, my mother is mentally unstable and controlling and also hits and insults me. Don't want to get into specifics because it would be lengthy and theres too much, but lets just say the worst thing my father has done to me was crack my head against a table and I had to go to the ER to get staples, lied and said I knocked my head into the table by accident. My mother burned me with a hair iron when I was around ten and she says stuff like I am worthless, should have never been born, etc daily. I am not a bad son, very respectful my parents just have a lot of issues that stems from being abused from their parents too and are very controlling. For much of my life I thought this treatment was normal. For example, my mother would start hitting me if I didn't address her as ""Mom"" when talking to her when she felt moody. Stuff like that, not warranted. Last semester I took difficult STEM classes to be an engineer and on the morning of my calculus final my drunk father punched me in the mouth and I bled because I did not wake my brother up for school when he overslept. I failed the final. After that I told them I wanted to join the Marines because I was sick of home, they apologized and promised to change. They still talk shit to me but haven't hit me until last week. My mother socked me in the back of the head for leaving the lights on in the staircase of the house. I felt betrayed, since this is the first time they hit me in three months and I thought they really did change. I screamed ""DONT TOUCH ME"" and glared at her fists clenched and got wrestled to the floor and swung at by my father, then kicked out of the house. Only allowed back in the house yesterday after sleeping on a park bench the whole weekend and eating fast food. (they called me and told me to come home) They apologized but I know they didn't mean it just like every other time. - -I am hesitant to fight back against my parents because apart of me still loves them and who they are when they aren't angry. I also know if I yell back or hit back (never hit them before) I would get kicked out of the house so I just take it. I want to separate from them, but I have nobody I could move in with and My depression affected my social life throughout my childhood, with few friends that are all dorming at uni across state. Other extended family believe I'm a bad kid because my parents twist the stories around and make it look like I'm the bad guy, not close with any of them. I have no car, all the money I got from financial aid and scholarships my parents made me pay off their property tax. The only thing I look forward to in life anymore is when I talk to a girl I like in one of my classes, never told her about my situation. Everyone I have opened up to this about tell me that I'm being a pussy and should fight back, but that would get me nowhere but back on the street or possibly hurt and injured, and I don't want to hurt my parents. What do I do? Am I a coward? I just feel like life is not worth living anymore, and I have lost all interest in school and my career.",1,tl dr abused mentally physically parent throughout childhood even year old depressed suicidal thought failing school poor social life afraid fight back end conflict someone getting hurt getting kicked house millionth time still care parent reason love dont know hesitant go authority nobody move much money car coward currently second semester community college lived physical verbal abuse throughout entire childhood asian family beaten crap every day drunk father mother mentally unstable controlling also hit insult want get specific would lengthy there much let say worst thing father done crack head table go er get staple lied said knocked head table accident mother burned hair iron around ten say stuff like worthless never born etc daily bad son respectful parent lot issue stem abused parent controlling much life thought treatment normal example mother would start hitting address mom talking felt moody stuff like warranted last semester took difficult stem class engineer morning calculus final drunk father punched mouth bled wake brother school overslept failed final told wanted join marine sick home apologized promised change still talk shit hit last week mother socked back head leaving light staircase house felt betrayed since first time hit three month thought really change screamed dont touch glared fist clenched got wrestled floor swung father kicked house allowed back house yesterday sleeping park bench whole weekend eating fast food called told come home apologized know mean like every time hesitant fight back parent apart still love angry also know yell back hit back never hit would get kicked house take want separate nobody could move depression affected social life throughout childhood friend dorming uni across state extended family believe bad kid parent twist story around make look like bad guy close car money got financial aid scholarship parent made pay property tax thing look forward life anymore talk girl like one class never told situation everyone opened tell pussy fight back would get nowhere back street possibly hurt injured want hurt parent coward feel like life worth living anymore lost interest school career -"I am mentally exhausted. I have so many problems that I cannot deal with. My older brother bullies me daily and all I do is just sit and listen to it, if I tell him to stop he will just continue to be more annoying. I have a lot of health problems, my parents dont want to take me to a doctor because they think I am lying, so I have to do it myself, I am 17(not legal in my country). I go to school and put on a fake personality and laugh, people bully me even there, not physcally but mentally, they tell me I am dumb, weird, skinny, crazy. I have zero friends in real life, I have 1 online friend that used to help me with everything and even made a workout plan for me. All of that faded since my health is sucking rn. My parents call me crazy daily, becayse I like ti play video games for 4 hours a day, that is crazy to them even tho everyone else tells them its normal. All I feel inside if me is just fear sadness and hopelessness, 0 good or happy thoughts. I thoght dozen if times about suicide, I can't do it. I have OCD, and that tops of everything and obliderates my life and makes me suffer even more. I can't take it anymore, I don't knoe where to go or what to do, its like I don't belong anywhere or cant do anything. All I can do is whine on random subbredit because I have no one to talk to, is this all life really is? I know you might say ohh but if you try to get yourself up and get motivated and do stuff, trust me I tried it many times it fails because of family problems etc. Am I worth saving? Is my life really worth living?",1,mentally exhausted many problem deal older brother bully daily sit listen tell stop continue annoying lot health problem parent dont want take doctor think lying legal country go school put fake personality laugh people bully even physcally mentally tell dumb weird skinny crazy zero friend real life online friend used help everything even made workout plan faded since health sucking rn parent call crazy daily becayse like ti play video game hour day crazy even tho everyone else tell normal feel inside fear sadness hopelessness 0 good happy thought thoght dozen time suicide ocd top everything obliderates life make suffer even take anymore knoe go like belong anywhere cant anything whine random subbredit one talk life really know might say ohh try get get motivated stuff trust tried many time fails family problem etc worth saving life really worth living -"PPD & Work? - -Hi everyone… I’m 6 months postpartum and for the past couple of months I’ve been calling into work… A LOT. I’ve had depression/anxiety for years but during my pregnancy it got wayyyy worse. Anyways, I’m grateful that my job hasn’t said anything since I always have a sub (I work at a high school as a paraprofessional) but I just can’t come around to wanting to be at work anymore. I don’t want to work. I don’t want anyone watching my baby. I just want to be home with my baby. I haven’t been to work all week and want to call in tomorrow. I cry at night with the thought of going into work. I’m trying to push to the end of the year so I can get paid thru summer then quit in the fall, but I don’t think I can even last these next 2 months without missing so much work. - -Any advice? What should I do? My boyfriend tells me to push thru until the summer at least when we’ll move into a cheaper home situation and he can be the sole provider, but I’m also about to get my income tax and I know that can compensate for my working wages until then. I’m just so lost. Idk what to do. - -Also, I can’t come around to taking my Zoloft consistently because I feel like it won’t help and there’s no point. I feel like I’m just broken.",1,ppd amp work hi everyone month postpartum past couple month calling work lot depression anxiety year pregnancy got wayyyy worse anyways grateful job said anything since always sub work high school paraprofessional come around wanting work anymore want work want anyone watching baby want home baby work week want call tomorrow cry night thought going work trying push end year get paid thru summer quit fall think even last next month without missing much work advice boyfriend tell push thru summer least move cheaper home situation sole provider also get income tax know compensate working wage lost idk also come around taking zoloft consistently feel like help point feel like broken -"I wish he would delete her and not talk to her anymore. I have nightmares about her every day for months but now they've gotten worse, I wake up 5 times each night and after 3am I can't fall back asleep. I wake up crying, feeling paranoid, depressed and betrayed. what does she have that makes her so important that it's worth hurting your girlfriend over to this severity? it's not like I don't want him to talk to anyone but me. recently I saw him hang out with a large group of people, and I felt so happy inside. I know being in a group and having people around him makes him happy. I could've joined but didn't, I wanted this to be his moment. I want him to have lots of friends. - -I'm just not comfortable with him having a close friendship(?) with this girl who has an obsessive crush on him, all while trying to keep it hidden and secret, but I see it everywhere. we've already talked about it, and he knows how it destroys me seeing he hangs out with her instead of me. he has deleted her before, but a few months later added her again and now they hang out again. it's ruining me.",1,wish would delete talk anymore nightmare every day month gotten worse wake time night fall back asleep wake cry feeling paranoid depressed betrayed make important worth hurting girlfriend severity like want talk anyone recently saw hang large group people felt happy inside know group people around make happy could joined wanted moment want lot friend comfortable close friendship girl obsessive crush trying keep hidden secret see everywhere already talked know destroys seeing hang instead deleted month later added hang ruining -i wish i was just normal everything is so hard for me i used to wish the world was a better place but ive given up hope. the world will never get any better and even if it did my mind is too fucked to be apart of it.,1,wish normal everything hard used wish world better place ive given hope world never get better even mind fucked apart -It was in hopes someone would come over. She ghosted 10 minutes after telling me she was on her way to hang out. It’s been 3 maybe 4 hours. I was going to shrug it off but it only added to my low mood the last couple days. I don’t even know why I keep my hopes up anymore,1,hope someone would come ghosted 0 minute telling way hang maybe hour going shrug added low mood last couple day even know keep hope anymore -"i don't remember the last time i was really able to open up to someone. every time i do it seems like i just make them uncomfortable or i get ignored, so i've just stopped. i can't even open up to my therapist like i want to and it seems like she wants nothing to do with me anymore. i've ghosted almost all of my ""friends"" at this point, which i don't regret, they constantly left me out of things/stood me up and were in general kind of shit friends. i want to connect to other people but there's something wrong with me and i can't figure out what.",1,remember last time really able open someone every time seems like make uncomfortable get ignored stopped even open therapist like want seems like want nothing anymore ghosted almost friend point regret constantly left thing stood general kind shit friend want connect people something wrong figure -"Hi together, - -I'm working up a lot with myself lately, as it's difficult to get help in my country (in Europe) right now. Long waiting times and little chance to get good therapy. I was diagnosed with a mild depressive episode a few years ago, however I have not been well for several years. Therefore I think that this is not the whole truth - -# Stress feeling - -I have noticed that a lot of my behaviors can be traced back to feeling stressed. - -This feeling of stress is, in my opinion, triggered by a high internal ""pressure"". This arises, for example, from the fear of being abandoned or not doing something right for someone, which could also lead to interpersonal punishments. Unfortunately, I learned in my childhood that if I criticize my mother or say something wrong, I am quickly punished psychologically. She would get loud, not talk to me for a while.... - -The stress also comes from the outside of course. Time pressure, self-made time pressure, fear of failure.... I am doing my PhD and have been moving up quite fast in management consultancies. The last two years have been a sprint and it has left its mark. - -# Behavior - -Back to that stress feeling. It takes on different dimensions: - -* I unconsciously ""hurt"" myself by delicately biting my arm or scratching my nail bed. Often I just see the marks afters and think ""Oh I did it again"". I can reproduce it e.g. by playing a difficult game (e.g. Dark Souls). As soon as I die against a boss fight, I unconsciously bite my arm in the loading time. -* I get an extreme craving for sex/masturbation (multiple times a day) and would describe it as Compulsive Sexual Behavior. The orgasm is then no fun and I feel exhausted and bad afterwards. Still, I do it. -* I behave in a clingy way and thus ruin relationships because I ask several times in a short time if everything is okay or write messages to get confirmation e.g. that I miss my partner. -* I am completely exhausted after a few days, but cannot sleep",1,hi together working lot lately difficult get help country europe right long waiting time little chance get good therapy diagnosed mild depressive episode year ago however well several year therefore think whole truth stress feeling noticed lot behavior traced back feeling stressed feeling stress opinion triggered high internal pressure arises example fear abandoned something right someone could also lead interpersonal punishment unfortunately learned childhood criticize mother say something wrong quickly punished psychologically would get loud talk stress also come outside course time pressure self made time pressure fear failure phd moving quite fast management consultancy last two year sprint left mark behavior back stress feeling take different dimension unconsciously hurt delicately biting arm scratching nail bed often see mark afters think oh reproduce e g playing difficult game e g dark soul soon die bos fight unconsciously bite arm loading time get extreme craving sex masturbation multiple time day would describe compulsive sexual behavior orgasm fun feel exhausted bad afterwards still behave clingy way thus ruin relationship ask several time short time everything okay write message get confirmation e g miss partner completely exhausted day sleep -"I started taking depression meds a few months ago, and it make my suicidal thoughts go away. It was somewhat amazing, i had such thoughts every day and now I barely think about it at all. Even when the stray suicidal thought pops up, it feels different, less scary. - -My problem is that such thoughts would help me through the day, ironiclly. If I was getting stressed I wohld think about the end of all my problems. I even began to mutter 'I'm gonna kill myself' unddr my breathe and mask during work. This was insanely unhealthy, and where I am now is much better comparatively. But the thing that worsened these thoughts is still there. - -I hate my job, I have no friends, I don't know how to open up to people, and I'm terrified about having to choose what my life will be. I want to go to college, study sociology, maybe creative writing as well, but when I go to take any sort of action, I'm terrified. It's illogical, I hate it. - -I work at an Amazon facility, I stow packages, I pick up boxes, and I push carts. I've working there part-time for 3 years. It was, to me at least, pathetic. So i moved to a longer shift, a small bit of action, I hate working there, but I'm terrified of trying anything else. My new shift is 10 and a half hours long, with a 30 minute unpaid break, and two 15 minute paid breaks. Yesterday was my first day. After 3 hours I went to cry in the bathroom. - -I drove to work 40 minutes ago, and soon began crying. It was ugly crying, I was shivering and whimpering, on my drive to work.I didn't use to do this, when I was depressed I was much more apathetic. I had my coping mechanism, but now I don't. - -I'm not saying that being depressed was better, I hated my suicidal thoughts, they would ruin my days. But I'm now noticing that they did help me get through some rough moments. It's just not something I expected. - -I know that I should speak to a psychiatrist, maybe a therapist as well. I know that quitting my job would be better for my mental health, I am lucky in that I have the ability to do so and still have somewhere to sleep and eat. I know that I think about my future, if not college with a sociogy degree, then an electrition. There are other options for me, I'm just scared and anxious. - -The reason I wrote this here was to make it all feel real. Ir's easy for me to move on from these moments. But I should realise that the fear and anxiety from change can't be worse than the anxiety, and especially the self-hatred, that I feel now. - -Sitting in my work parking lot, writing this out, and I took the day off. I'm scared to confront my Mom when I get home, but it's for the best, and It's what I should do. Fuck Amazon.",1,started taking depression med month ago make suicidal thought go away somewhat amazing thought every day barely think even stray suicidal thought pop feel different le scary problem thought would help day ironiclly getting stressed wohld think end problem even began mutter gon na kill unddr breathe mask work insanely unhealthy much better comparatively thing worsened thought still hate job friend know open people terrified choose life want go college study sociology maybe creative writing well go take sort action terrified illogical hate work amazon facility stow package pick box push cart working part time year least pathetic moved longer shift small bit action hate working terrified trying anything else new shift 0 half hour long 0 minute unpaid break two minute paid break yesterday first day hour went cry bathroom drove work 0 minute ago soon began cry ugly cry shivering whimpering drive work use depressed much apathetic coping mechanism saying depressed better hated suicidal thought would ruin day noticing help get rough moment something expected know speak psychiatrist maybe therapist well know quitting job would better mental health lucky ability still somewhere sleep eat know think future college sociogy degree electrition option scared anxious reason wrote make feel real ir easy move moment realise fear anxiety change worse anxiety especially self hatred feel sitting work parking lot writing took day scared confront mom get home best fuck amazon -im gonna copy and paste the title just to continue the story from that point on so here goes nothing this has been the worst month of my life but ill start with a light hearted day earlier this month a meth head tried to take my phone the bitch at the ssi building tried to 5150 me then i got bit by a dog all in the same day what i dont understand is that im more upset about this pale blonde brazilian girl i met and lost in a span of days might be bipolar as well what i dont understand is how can i handle a fucked up day like that like its nothing and go through things that could end in death seem to recover in minutes but small things like family arguments or this situation with this girl seem to make me feel upset for so long i dont understand that at all i hope things get better but ever since i droped acid about 2 weeks ago this has been on one end the worst month of my life but some parts the best just the good parts never last now my life is like a real life nightmare i might be schizo now as well also my depresion is worse then ever now before all this i lived in the car for 3 years with bed bugs now i have a voucher so im fine now and live in a place and am safe now but i just feel so stupid whenever i complain about anything now because i feel like its me not appreciating what i have i just dont get why this horible feeling wont go away i dont know what to do im here on reddit talking to random people dealing with the same thing because i just dont know what else to do it was helping at first but i just feel so lost for no reason i feel like things are good now but inside i feel the worst ive ever felt i dont wanna feel sad anymore i just want this horible feeling to go away,1,im gon na copy paste title continue story point go nothing worst month life ill start light hearted day earlier month meth head tried take phone bitch ssi building tried 0 got bit dog day dont understand im upset pale blonde brazilian girl met lost span day might bipolar well dont understand handle fucked day like like nothing go thing could end death seem recover minute small thing like family argument situation girl seem make feel upset long dont understand hope thing get better ever since droped acid week ago one end worst month life part best good part never last life like real life nightmare might schizo well also depresion worse ever lived car year bed bug voucher im fine live place safe feel stupid whenever complain anything feel like appreciating dont get horible feeling wont go away dont know im reddit talking random people dealing thing dont know else helping first feel lost reason feel like thing good inside feel worst ive ever felt dont wan na feel sad anymore want horible feeling go away -"I’m great at acting like I’m happy. Sometimes I actually think I am. People think I’m very personable when I’m in group settings, but as I get older I’m finding it harder and harder to keep it up. I know fake it til you make it works for some, but has anyone here faked it until they’re actually happy most of the time?",1,great acting like happy sometimes actually think people think personable group setting get older finding harder harder keep know fake til make work anyone faked actually happy time -"I'm failing out of college right now because I can't fucking focus. Every time I try to do my work I feel so restless and irritable. I get hit with this stupid melancholy feeling for no good reason and it makes me feel like doing nothing but lay in bed until I die of starvation. But dying is too painful for a number of reasons, so I really have no easy way out. Hell, I don't even have an out that seems reasonably doable. I feel so trapped. I want to talk to my loved ones and tell them I'm dying over here (metaphorically), but it feels impossible to tell them without something awful happening. Help...",1,failing college right fucking focus every time try work feel restless irritable get hit stupid melancholy feeling good reason make feel like nothing lay bed die starvation dying painful number reason really easy way hell even seems reasonably doable feel trapped want talk loved one tell dying metaphorically feel impossible tell without something awful happening help -"Every time I think about suicide or search painless suicide I begin to cry. I don't know exactly the reason, is it depression kicking in or just fear of death?",1,every time think suicide search painless suicide begin cry know exactly reason depression kicking fear death - I want to be dead. Ive been suicidal for years. Im such a fucking retard filled with regret and anger. Im done with life. I want all of this to stop. Why I cant do one thing right.,1,want dead ive suicidal year im fucking retard filled regret anger im done life want stop cant one thing right -"ive been struggling with my mental health for a really long time, even throughout secondary school. the only thing is ive always pushed it down and gotten away with achieving my academic expectations despite how im struggling, ive never told anyone about my problems - not even my mum. i guess i never wanted to worry her and also took alot of pride in being able to “handle myself” and not needing help from anyone. - -i guess the combination of leaving it untreated and uni stress has made it get worse and worse to the point its spiralled out of control. i dont know the last time i actually ate a meal rather than just snack food all day, the light is broken in my bathroom and i cant call maintenance to fix it because of the state of my dorm, i have a nocturnal sleeping schedule and i rarely shower or leave my room. - -i cant apply for special circumstances and try to finish the year because i cant even get out of bed let alone catch up on loads of work and missed assignments. i really just need to go home and eliminate the stress in order to seek medical treatment and get better but i dont know how to break it to my mum because she thinks im perfectly fine. like how does it go from being completely okay to me being in a full blown crisis just like that for her? its not that i dont think she’ll understand but i feel like im a completely different person than who she sees. - -no idea of anyone will see this but id really appreciate some advice/support because ive never spoken to anyone about my mental health and idk what to do",1,ive struggling mental health really long time even throughout secondary school thing ive always pushed gotten away achieving academic expectation despite im struggling ive never told anyone problem even mum guess never wanted worry also took alot pride able handle needing help anyone guess combination leaving untreated uni stress made get worse worse point spiralled control dont know last time actually ate meal rather snack food day light broken bathroom cant call maintenance fix state dorm nocturnal sleeping schedule rarely shower leave room cant apply special circumstance try finish year cant even get bed let alone catch load work missed assignment really need go home eliminate stress order seek medical treatment get better dont know break mum think im perfectly fine like go completely okay full blown crisis like dont think understand feel like im completely different person see idea anyone see id really appreciate advice support ive never spoken anyone mental health idk -"I just want to stop being so sad. I feel like i’m failing at life. I’m sitting at my desk and I just can’t stop fucking crying over literally nothing. I just don’t see any hope for my future, somehow I always come back to this feeling. - -I used to fantasize about getting hurt enough to be in a hospital for like 2-3 weeks just to get a break, but not actually kill myself because I feel like I couldn’t do that to the people around me. - -I really have no one in my life to talk to right now. I tried the crisis text line and my god, they are unhelpful. “You are so brave for reaching out. How do you think you were able to reach out tonight?” - -Um… maybe because I have this option or the option to off myself and one seems a little more rational than the other? - -How do you guys cope when you just can’t do it anymore…?",1,want stop sad feel like failing life sitting desk stop fucking cry literally nothing see hope future somehow always come back feeling used fantasize getting hurt enough hospital like week get break actually kill feel like people around really one life talk right tried crisis text line god unhelpful brave reaching think able reach tonight um maybe option option one seems little rational guy cope anymore -"Depression makes no sense sometimes. I have a great life: Family members who love me, friends who care about me, everything going for me in terms of college, relationships, life, etc., and despite all of these things, I still find myself thinking about ending my life. Suicidal ideation is something that I have dealt with since I was a young teenager, but lately it has become a half dozen to a dozen thoughts of taking my own life every day. What I really don't understand is the fact that almost everyone else around me doesn't feel the same way I do, doesn't see the world in the same way I do. Sometimes when I wake up, I'll just have my mind scream at me that no one and nothing matters, that despite what we do all of us will end up dying one day, etc. Sometimes I just really don't see the point of life. All of us are on a journey with the only things promised to us are sorrow or death. We are taught that we have to make our own happiness and value out of life. But if that's true than there is definitely something wrong with me that can't be fixed; Because some of us just aren't made for your fairy dust fucking world, and anyone who isn't thank you cause there are too many stupid ass happy people in this fuckface of a wordl we live in",1,depression make sense sometimes great life family member love friend care everything going term college relationship life etc despite thing still find thinking ending life suicidal ideation something dealt since young teenager lately become half dozen dozen thought taking life every day really understand fact almost everyone else around feel way see world way sometimes wake mind scream one nothing matter despite u end dying one day etc sometimes really see point life u journey thing promised u sorrow death taught make happiness value life true definitely something wrong fixed u made fairy dust fucking world anyone thank cause many stupid as happy people fuckface wordl live -I am tired. I don't feel anything good. I just don't want to exist anymore.,1,tired feel anything good want exist anymore -"Does anyone else on this subreddit have a sense of karma that lets them make decisions but the opposite way round. - -The only way to explain it is for example the opportunity arises to do something fun or something I'll enjoy, I don't want to do it because I feel that I will be due a similar if not higher amount of bad karma back in return as I shouldn't be allowed to enjoy myself? - -Is this something others experience or am I alone in this?",1,anyone else subreddit sense karma let make decision opposite way round way explain example opportunity arises something fun something enjoy want feel due similar higher amount bad karma back return allowed enjoy something others experience alone -"Does any else feel that they can't really think anymore, particularly in academic areas? -And for anyone who has been through this before, do you ever develop the ability again?",1,else feel really think anymore particularly academic area anyone ever develop ability -"i’m 18 years old. i started university like 3 weeks ago. at that time i wasn’t feeling miserable or anything, i was as close to being “happy” that i have been in a long time. but when the classes started and i “met” the stuff that involves university, made me feel depressed again. i don’t have any motivation. i’m studying something i already know i don’t like and if i wanted to start another career i’d have to end this year because of my university‘a regulations. -i don’t really feel motivated, i don’t feel good and i cry almost everyday. it’s being super rough to me. maybe i’m exaggerating or maybe i’m not. but sometimes i don’t wanna be here anymore, if u know what i mean. :( -i don’t know what to do to feel better. i have my s/o, my friends, my family but nothing helps. also, i haven’t had many good experiences at therapy and the medicine makes me feel even more depressed that i am.",1,year old started university like week ago time feeling miserable anything close happy long time class started met stuff involves university made feel depressed motivation studying something already know like wanted start another career end year university regulation really feel motivated feel good cry almost everyday super rough maybe exaggerating maybe sometimes wan na anymore u know mean know feel better friend family nothing help also many good experience therapy medicine make feel even depressed -"Tw: depression, mention to ED, light mention of disassociation (I think that’s everything) - -First time I’ve written anything and don’t expect people to see it but idk the idea of having my anger written down in a less private area is comforting idk like diaries piss me off sometimes bc I’m writing shit down but then what, it’s just for me it feels the same as it being just in my head sometimes (sometimes I think it’s great and v therapeutic and everyone prefers different things it’s absolutely a valid technique so no hate) but anyway I hate the fact that I can’t cry anymore, I’m numb all the fucking time, idk what i want, ever, i feel so bad about myself when I see my face for more than like 5 minutes (which is an issue bc i facetime my long distance girlfriend a lot and can’t get away from it), I feel so bad about myself when I feel hungry (still working through a lot of issues with food so I’m constantly feeling on the edge of a relapse), I’m so numb to everything I couldn’t tell my girlfriend that I loved her for like 3 weeks and I felt so guilty about it but it felt like a lie to say and I couldn’t bring myself to do it bc I just don’t feel anything (she’s been really understanding but ik it upsets her) so I’ve started saying it again but i still find it hard bc I feel no connection to the words, I know that I love her like she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me but the words just feel empty, I feel so distant from myself and emotion and even with all this guilt and resentment and sadness towards myself I can’t even breakdown over it, it’s actually breaking me, I feel like I can’t do it anymore, i just wanna feel again",1,tw depression mention ed light mention disassociation think everything first time written anything expect people see idk idea anger written le private area comforting idk like diary piss sometimes bc writing shit feel head sometimes sometimes think great v therapeutic everyone prefers different thing absolutely valid technique hate anyway hate fact cry anymore numb fucking time idk want ever feel bad see face like minute issue bc facetime long distance girlfriend lot get away feel bad feel hungry still working lot issue food constantly feeling edge relapse numb everything tell girlfriend loved like week felt guilty felt like lie say bring bc feel anything really understanding ik upset started saying still find hard bc feel connection word know love like best thing ever happened word feel empty feel distant emotion even guilt resentment sadness towards even breakdown actually breaking feel like anymore wan na feel -The only reason I haven't committed suicide yet is coz I am too much of a coward to kill myself. My life just plain sucks and I might possibly lose my second job just months after losing my first. So yaay me,1,reason committed suicide yet coz much coward kill life plain suck might possibly lose second job month losing first yaay -"I don’t know how anything works anymore. My brain feels like it has dementia. Forgetful, literal lack of intelligence and critical thinking skills. -I don’t know how school works, don’t know basic math, never had relationships, and feel incredibly out of place and inferior to the rest of the general population that’s my age. Half of the people living in my building are my age now. I’m so fucking suicidal everyday I’m just waiting to die.",1,know anything work anymore brain feel like dementia forgetful literal lack intelligence critical thinking skill know school work know basic math never relationship feel incredibly place inferior rest general population age half people living building age fucking suicidal everyday waiting die -"Wake up, force yourself to eat breakfast, go to school that's filled to the brim with people who don't like me, and think I'm weird, overthink everything, suffer through classes, get home, sleep or do homework, then go to sleep again. Repeat for the next few fucking years. - -Is there really any point? If classes were at least enjoyable I'd manage to get through it, and honestly most of them aren't horrible, just one (3rd language class) that I can't fucking get out of, or get better at because how the fuck am I gonna find the strength to learn a whole new language. I always get yelled at, always stressed at that class because I KNOW I won't answer correctly and I WILL get yelled at. Then go home and cut yourself because of it. Fun right?",1,wake force eat breakfast go school filled brim people like think weird overthink everything suffer class get home sleep homework go sleep repeat next fucking year really point class least enjoyable manage get honestly horrible one rd language class fucking get get better fuck gon na find strength learn whole new language always get yelled always stressed class know answer correctly get yelled go home cut fun right -"It’s been a while since I’ve had depression episodes and I think it has come back, but worse. I’m the first daughter of immigrant parents, therefore I have to be perfect and be an example for my little sister. I’m falling a class in college and can’t seem to get my grade up, I can’t focus, I can’t concentrate, I stay up until 5am doing homework and studying but even though I try my best I feel like I’m not progressing. - -I don’t want my parents to think I’m a failure, I want to make them proud but I can’t find the inspiration to keep going. I feel like sh*t, anxiety haunts me everyday and I just want this to stop. I want to talk about how I feel with my mom but I don’t want her to have a bad image of me in her head, she knows I have depression and anxiety since I was diagnosed but I told her months ago that I was okay, I’m not now. - -I know that if I tell her that i feel depressed again she’s just going to tell me to keep going, my mom is not a bad mom, I love her, she has done everything for me but she doesn’t show us affection. It might been the way she was raised, but I need to her her say that she’s here for me or that she loves me. I can’t remember when was the last time she hugged me or said “I love you” I don’t feel appreciated in this house. When I try to be friendly or make a conversation with her it always ends up with her being mad, I’ve gone several times to her room just to hang out with her but it seems that bothers her, when I try and hug her she tells me to stop. I know she’ll be very disappointed in me if she discovers I’m not doing well in my class. - -She has criticized me because of what shows I watch, if I’m enjoying a video game too much she’ll tell me “that’s all you know how to do, why don’t you do something else instead of playing your little game”, she hates the music I enjoy listening, all I want is to have a mom-daughter moment but it doesn’t happen. I’ve talked to her about this several times, she cried once saying it was hard for her too and I understand hard, I know it’s hard having a touched-starved, mentally unstable daughter, that’s why I don’t want to bother her with my problems. - -When I happen to have a problem with a member of my family (aunt, uncle or cousin) she’ll always be on their side, it’s like she wants to please them, I don’t feel heard. Im 19 and on my 18th and 19th birthdays i cried, I wanted to spend my 19th birthday doing something I wanted and my parents said yes, that was until my step-dad changed his mind and choose to visit his sister on my birthday 5 hours away hour city, I was mad, I feel like I had the right to. My mom told me that I didn’t have to come with them, that I could stay in the house until they arrived Sunday night (my birthday was on Sunday) I choose to go because I didn’t want to spend the day without my family, I didn’t got to do anything I wanted, I was pretty bummed, my mom and stepdad noticed this and yelled at me saying I didn’t had to be here, that I could’ve stayed in the house, my mom did bought me a cake and ate it when I arrived home and I was grateful for that. My aunt and uncle noticed how my mom and stepdad acted on the day of my birthday and felt bad for me, they told me I should’ve stayed with them and they would’ve took me to the mall. Funny how my mom goes all the way out for his birthday or my sisters birthday. I feel like I’m a failure to them, I’m not the perfect daughter they wish they had, it’s like they just gave up on me, at least is how I see it. Every time I talk to my mom she looks at me with an annoyed face, when I told her that I’m kind of struggling with college she shrugged and told me that it’s my fully because I choose this career, it’s true but I was looking for some encouraging or caring words. I feel what I need is a break. - -Im sorry for over sharing but I can’t tell this to my friends or sister, I don’t want to bother or worry them.",1,since depression episode think come back worse first daughter immigrant parent therefore perfect example little sister falling class college seem get grade focus concentrate stay homework studying even though try best feel like progressing want parent think failure want make proud find inspiration keep going feel like sh anxiety haunt everyday want stop want talk feel mom want bad image head know depression anxiety since diagnosed told month ago okay know tell feel depressed going tell keep going mom bad mom love done everything show u affection might way raised need say love remember last time hugged said love feel appreciated house try friendly make conversation always end mad gone several time room hang seems bother try hug tell stop know disappointed discovers well class criticized show watch enjoying video game much tell know something else instead playing little game hate music enjoy listening want mom daughter moment happen talked several time cried saying hard understand hard know hard touched starved mentally unstable daughter want bother problem happen problem member family aunt uncle cousin always side like want please feel heard im 9 th 9th birthday cried wanted spend 9th birthday something wanted parent said yes step dad changed mind choose visit sister birthday hour away hour city mad feel like right mom told come could stay house arrived sunday night birthday sunday choose go want spend day without family got anything wanted pretty bummed mom stepdad noticed yelled saying could stayed house mom bought cake ate arrived home grateful aunt uncle noticed mom stepdad acted day birthday felt bad told stayed would took mall funny mom go way birthday sister birthday feel like failure perfect daughter wish like gave least see every time talk mom look annoyed face told kind struggling college shrugged told fully choose career true looking encouraging caring word feel need break im sorry sharing tell friend sister want bother worry -"I'm really desperate. I'm a 26 yr old guy with no job (even if i graduated from college), no girlfriend (Never kissed or hugged a girl in my life), no real friends (most of them are toxic & manipulative), nothing special about me ! i don't know if i'm pretty or ugly, smart or dumber, i'm so confused about my self image. it's like i live in hell. - -Get rejected by ton of girls, ton of job offers, i feel like i will live my whole life virgin single jobless loser!!! - -I'm too nice, too shy, always extremely anxious and stressful, dealing with brain fog, bad accent, shitty voice, low self-esteem, zero talent nothing good about me (Just kinda good at math & coding), i can't hold a good conversation with anyone (only with my mom & my brother i feel kinda confident speaking) - -And it's been a while i'm depressed, living with a dark mood, i feel like i'm a loser & i can do nothing, i can't even go to gym, practice favorite hobbies, or enjoying any movie, youtube video, video games etc... i don't know what to do with my life ! - -I only think about 2 option : - -\- Therapy - -\- Ending my life - -(sorry for my english, it's not my native langage)",1,really desperate yr old guy job even graduated college girlfriend never kissed hugged girl life real friend toxic amp manipulative nothing special know pretty ugly smart dumber confused self image like live hell get rejected ton girl ton job offer feel like live whole life virgin single jobless loser nice shy always extremely anxious stressful dealing brain fog bad accent shitty voice low self esteem zero talent nothing good kinda good math amp coding hold good conversation anyone mom amp brother feel kinda confident speaking depressed living dark mood feel like loser amp nothing even go gym practice favorite hobby enjoying movie youtube video video game etc know life think option therapy ending life sorry english native langage -"I kinda miss when I was completely apathetic. At least then I wasn’t anxiety-ridden and constantly worrying about how much of a failure I am and how downhill my life is going. I miss when I didn’t care. When I could watch my world collapse in front of me and be able to sleep at night. When I didn’t need to always doing something that releases dopamine to keep my mind off of my severe procrastination. (Should I even call it procrastination when the “last minute” already past?) I kinda miss when I was apathetic. -When I simply didn’t care.",1,kinda miss completely apathetic least anxiety ridden constantly worrying much failure downhill life going miss care could watch world collapse front able sleep night need always something release dopamine keep mind severe procrastination even call procrastination last minute already past kinda miss apathetic simply care -"need some feedback if it’s just me & im insecure or if some of these girls are getting out of hand. i’m a 22 year old girl whose instagram feed looks like wanna be influencers. i can’t deal with how many pictures they’re putting out there on top of how EDITED they are. it drives me insane because it makes me feel so unattractive but then i remember these girls are smoothing their skin, lightening their eyes, whitening their teeth, modifying their bodies, etc. should i delete instagram? cause i honestly don’t know what else to do at this point. it’s deteriorating me",1,need feedback amp im insecure girl getting hand year old girl whose instagram feed look like wan na influencers deal many picture putting top edited drive insane make feel unattractive remember girl smoothing skin lightening eye whitening teeth modifying body etc delete instagram cause honestly know else point deteriorating -"I’ve been feeling really depressed lately and find myself with no one to talk. I have these crying spells whenever I’m alone and convinced that I’m worthless and not worth anyone’s time. It’s getting harder to pick myself up from the floor/bed and be productive or practice self care. My friends live far away and emotionally at arms length. My family understands that I’m depressed but not how much it debilitates me. With no one to talk to, I feel trapped. I’m hoping finding online support can help me understand how to go on. So I’m kinda new to this, how does this thread help you?",1,feeling really depressed lately find one talk cry spell whenever alone convinced worthless worth anyone time getting harder pick floor bed productive practice self care friend live far away emotionally arm length family understands depressed much debilitates one talk feel trapped hoping finding online support help understand go kinda new thread help -"Well, I caved. I cut myself for the first time today. It didn’t really hurt but it didn’t help either. I still feel like shit. I can’t take it anymore. I switched schools this year, and have yet to make a single friend. Every day I’m on the outside of the group. I know that I did something to warrant this problem, but no one will tell me what I did/am doing. I just gave up trying to nudge my way into conversations and just sit there and listen, so I don’t look like a lonely loser. Although I guess I look like one anyway. Anyone have any advice? I need social interaction to get out of my depression. Also looking for new friends won’t work, as everyone in the grade acts like I don’t exist, so don’t suggest that.",1,well caved cut first time today really hurt help either still feel like shit take anymore switched school year yet make single friend every day outside group know something warrant problem one tell gave trying nudge way conversation sit listen look like lonely loser although guess look like one anyway anyone advice need social interaction get depression also looking new friend work everyone grade act like exist suggest -" So I recently moved to a state 2000 miles away from my home with my parents even though there was no point in it (I'm 16) and this isn't just the right place for me and there's nothing I can do about it. All my family members who lived here convinced my parents to move over here cause apparently it's better. When I'm here my anxiety has gone up by a lot and so has my depression I can't even sit still in peace after getting into a fight like my mind constantly telling me we need to go back home. I never got along with others in public and got into 3 fights at school already did drugs and a lot of stuff like that. My parents think this is the best environment and I'm still acting like this and they never listen to me. I'm having a talk with my therapist in a few days do you think they could convince my parents that this isn't a good place for me and recommend us to move out of the states for better mental health for me? Mentally and emotionally because I just do not belong here I was so much better as a person in my hometown now I can't even tell if this is me I even have done drugs here for the first time and yet my parents/family think I'm the problem, not the environment what can I do? I cannot wait much longer.",1,recently moved state 000 mile away home parent even though point right place nothing family member lived convinced parent move cause apparently better anxiety gone lot depression even sit still peace getting fight like mind constantly telling need go back home never got along others public got fight school already drug lot stuff like parent think best environment still acting like never listen talk therapist day think could convince parent good place recommend u move state better mental health mentally emotionally belong much better person hometown even tell even done drug first time yet parent family think problem environment wait much longer -"My friend has suffered with depression for what seems most of their life, and recently it's become apparent that it's become worse due to them distancing themselves, being more irritable and stressed and even mentioning suicide. They have also withdrawn from doing things with me as much when we used to do things very often. - -I try to support them already of course, but since I don't necessarily deal with severe depression like them, I struggle to know how to handle things sometimes- what are some tips on how I can be there for them and support them? Many thanks if anyone answers as I really want to support my friend :,)",1,friend suffered depression seems life recently become apparent become worse due distancing irritable stressed even mentioning suicide also withdrawn thing much used thing often try support already course since necessarily deal severe depression like struggle know handle thing sometimes tip support many thanks anyone answer really want support friend -"The note is done. Written, edited, signed, done. The noose is cinched and hung. All that's left is for me to decorate the door. - -I stood staring at it for what felt like an eternity. - -Today, every second had felt like eternity. - -I had writhed in agony watching each minute tick by, as if a lifetime had passed. - -I had tried everything I knew and I'd been told: dunked my face in cold water, but my forehead had felt red hot; meditated and focused on my breathing, but I'd retreat back into my head between each breath and be left gasping for air; took a scalding bath, for a moment I was in my skin again but then the water and I felt as one; I tried to nap, a reset was always in store, but I woke up still at death's door. - -I hadn't done it yet, though. I'd never been closer, but I still hadn't done it. Before I hit send, before I decorated the door, I told myself I'd go for one last run to get out of my head. - -I've been treading water the last week, just barely keeping my head up. I tried mushrooms a few days ago and for the first time in what felt like months could accept myself. In fact, I discovered I was stuck in time, two months earlier when I'd been dumped. My heart hadn't moved on, but the universe relentlessly had. And for 24 hours the mushrooms gave me clarity that I needed to move on, and even had. There was a moment when time seemed to stop and suddenly I was vaulted forward to the present. Over and around the intervening months. I was present again. But just as sudden as the revelation had fallen upon me it was stripped away and the black dog weighed down my chest once more. - -Shakily, I put on my running clothes. I considered my route, an old standard. Roughly 3.5 miles. It'd buy me a calculated 24-27 more minutes to think about this decision. I cinched my laces, I hate these shoes. I struck out the door. - -When my feet hit the pavement I realized this wasn't a regular jog. I wasn't running to run. I was running to kill myself. Or not. I'd find out along the way. Suddenly the route and distance didn't matter. I knew I'd be going further than I'd thought. I started out at a normal pace and began upping my tempo. I knew I was out of shape. I knew a single 7 minute mile would be my limit, as it had been on several of the past days. But today wasn't those days. I couldn't feel the exhaustion, the pain of my body. Moments earlier, all I could feel was my body exhausted. I was trapped in my head. I could push my body well past it's limits today, because I wasn't leaving my heart or my head until my body hurt more. - -Around the first mile I started muttering to myself: you've never outrun yourself before, but today is the day you beat yourself. And I kept running. I came upon a long flat stretch, a narrow catwalk along the water's edge, and I broke into a sprint. I was going to break myself now. I pushed until I could feel the burn in my legs, my throat and my lungs. I hadn't pushed myself like this in days, weeks, months or maybe even years. I'd forgotten what it felt like. I started feeling light-headed. This was to be alive? - -But it couldn't last. I ground to a halt and walked. Finally outside my head again, but still thinking. Finally not drowning in my thoughts. - -I'd realized earlier what it is in those last moments. It is quite literally drowning in your thoughts. My brain takes over, dwelling on my past failures, rejections, losses. And it's as if every iota of my brain power is diverted to these fruitless forays in my hippocampus. Every drip of processing is diverted. Suddenly my breathing reflex kicks in. I haven't been breathing. I've been drowning in my thoughts. And with it a sense of fear and dread; adrenaline courses through my aorta, spreading across my chest and dilating my bronchi. Fight or flight, from my own past? - -Pushing myself achieves this same end. But what am I running for? What am I running toward? I don't know, and I feel so lost and unbound. Adrift and asea. - -I thought again ""if this is your last run, you're going out strong"" and started sprinting again. I ran, and I ran, and I ran. I ran through throngs of people amidst cherry blossoms who didn't know I was probably running to my death. But suddenly I didn't want to die anymore, at least not yet. Not now. And I started a new mantra ""this run saved my life."" And I realized I could say that every time I ran. Or biked. Or hiked. Or sat with friends. Or worked on a project. Or spoke to my mom. But to do so I'd have to get through those long, dark minutes of pure and intense pain. I'd have to learn to hurt myself, again, running, hiking, biking. - -But I kept running, as fast and as hard as I could. I circled back around on my path, it was a lollipop route and I was completing the candy. And I pushed myself until I was back on the inner leg of it, the stem. I pushed myself so hard I started vomiting. In a homeless camp of all places. - -I'd had nothing to eat today, and little yesterday. I was subsisting on coffee. The bile came up black, sour, bitter. Much as the coffee had been going down. It seemed a funny parallel. And I decided then that I wanted to write about this. - -I wanted to share my story, because today: I didn't kill myself. I might have, some part of me wanted to. But I ran away. And I'll keep running. It's tough. But I think I found something to run for again. I'd mostly stopped running ages ago, but I think this was the motivation I needed to start again. The rest of my life is in shambles and I don't know what I'm doing. But I can keep running. - -I'll start running with a group, I think. And each time I'll let them know at the end ""this run saved my life."" I'll let them decide what that means to me, and them.",1,note done written edited signed done noose cinched hung left decorate door stood staring felt like eternity today every second felt like eternity writhed agony watching minute tick lifetime passed tried everything knew told dunked face cold water forehead felt red hot meditated focused breathing retreat back head breath left gasping air took scalding bath moment skin water felt one tried nap reset always store woke still death door done yet though never closer still done hit send decorated door told go one last run get head treading water last week barely keeping head tried mushroom day ago first time felt like month could accept fact discovered stuck time two month earlier dumped heart moved universe relentlessly hour mushroom gave clarity needed move even moment time seemed stop suddenly vaulted forward present around intervening month present sudden revelation fallen upon stripped away black dog weighed chest shakily put running clothes considered route old standard roughly mile buy calculated minute think decision cinched lace hate shoe struck door foot hit pavement realized regular jog running run running kill find along way suddenly route distance matter knew going thought started normal pace began upping tempo knew shape knew single minute mile would limit several past day today day feel exhaustion pain body moment earlier could feel body exhausted trapped head could push body well past limit today leaving heart head body hurt around first mile started muttering never outrun today day beat kept running came upon long flat stretch narrow catwalk along water edge broke sprint going break pushed could feel burn leg throat lung pushed like day week month maybe even year forgotten felt like started feeling light headed alive last ground halt walked finally outside head still thinking finally drowning thought realized earlier last moment quite literally drowning thought brain take dwelling past failure rejection loss every iota brain power diverted fruitless foray hippocampus every drip processing diverted suddenly breathing reflex kick breathing drowning thought sense fear dread adrenaline course aorta spreading across chest dilating bronchus fight flight past pushing achieves end running running toward know feel lost unbound adrift asea thought last run going strong started sprinting ran ran ran ran throng people amidst cherry blossom know probably running death suddenly want die anymore least yet started new mantra run saved life realized could say every time ran biked hiked sat friend worked project spoke mom get long dark minute pure intense pain learn hurt running hiking biking kept running fast hard could circled back around path lollipop route completing candy pushed back inner leg stem pushed hard started vomiting homeless camp place nothing eat today little yesterday subsisting coffee bile came black sour bitter much coffee going seemed funny parallel decided wanted write wanted share story today kill might part wanted ran away keep running tough think found something run mostly stopped running age ago think motivation needed start rest life shamble know keep running start running group think time let know end run saved life let decide mean -"im 21 and 4 mos postpartum. i don’t know if i have ppocd, but the intrusive thoughts are becoming unbearable. my baby is healthy and for the most part happy. a lot of the time, i feel like a shitty mom because i work full time while my boyfriend is at home with the baby and when i get home, im too exhausted to clean house or play with my baby. i carry so much guilt about other people watching my son on my days off so i can get things done, because i’m his mom and i should be able to take care of him and everything else myself. tonight he was losing his sh!t bc he was overtired. his screaming made me feel like i wanted to hurt him or myself. i would never hurt him but the thoughts get so loud i can’t seem to escape them. i was in a psych hospital last month but it didn’t help at all. these thoughts are a constant. sometimes i feel like having a baby was the wrong choice and i ruined my life and the only way to fix my issues is to end it. i just feel so alone",1,im mo postpartum know ppocd intrusive thought becoming unbearable baby healthy part happy lot time feel like shitty mom work full time boyfriend home baby get home im exhausted clean house play baby carry much guilt people watching son day get thing done mom able take care everything else tonight losing sh bc overtired screaming made feel like wanted hurt would never hurt thought get loud seem escape psych hospital last month help thought constant sometimes feel like baby wrong choice ruined life way fix issue end feel alone -"I'm going to be 17 in less then a week, I'd do anything to just go back a year or two. Restart highschool and actually pay attention. Fucking pass at least. There's no fucking way I pass this year, there's no fucking way I graduate by senior year. I have 0 fucking friends to celebrate with but I would I even celebrate. Why would I celebrate being 17 with absolutely Jack shit going for me. Congrats your fucking 17, failing highschool, no friends, just got broken up with, no career. I mean there is absolute Jack fucking shit going for me. I waited so long for this day because I wanted to join the military and you can at 17 but I've already ruined my gpa. I'm just done with even trying anymore. Everything I do, nothing going to change the fact imma failure. - -Advice: Fucking pay attention in highschool and don't try to fit in with people who were never there for you.",1,going le week anything go back year two restart highschool actually pay attention fucking pas least fucking way pas year fucking way graduate senior year 0 fucking friend celebrate would even celebrate would celebrate absolutely jack shit going congrats fucking failing highschool friend got broken career mean absolute jack fucking shit going waited long day wanted join military already ruined gpa done even trying anymore everything nothing going change fact imma failure advice fucking pay attention highschool try fit people never -"my dad died almost one month ago and i feel like no ones understand what im going through and expects me to act normal, I try everyday to do things to distract myself but everyday i feel worse, sometimes i think im not even crying for my loss, i really can’t stop.. when i wake up i cry and then in the night i cried myself to sleep. I don’t want to be with anyone and at the same time i want to be perceived. I don’t get what is happening i’ve never ever been so sad in my whole life, i don’t want to live. Everything i do or try to do for someone seems to be wrong or badly done. I have always had good self- esteem but now anyone can call me ugly as a joke and i would get mad and think for it for the rest of the day, i just want it to stop. Shit hurts like a mf.",1,dad died almost one month ago feel like one understand im going expects act normal try everyday thing distract everyday feel worse sometimes think im even cry loss really stop wake cry night cried sleep want anyone time want perceived get happening never ever sad whole life want live everything try someone seems wrong badly done always good self esteem anyone call ugly joke would get mad think rest day want stop shit hurt like mf -There’s nothing left for me in life and I’ve kept this calm cool facade that I’m fine for so long it’s impressive. I’m failing school I have zero love life and I have no idea what to do for a living and I don’t think there is anything I want to do. I have no passion keeping me alive. I’ve literally just been having sex and dling drugs literally anything to give me some small momentary bit of joy. At this point it barely does that. I’m a failure and gods taken away every piece of happiness I could possibly have. I’ve disappointed the people who love me most and I can’t keep being a drain on their lives. If I kill myself it’ll hurt them but no one will truly miss me after a couple years it would be so much better for my parents if I died I’m such a fucking failure it hurts. I never wanted this life I had potential at one point but I never realized how quickly god can turn it all around.,1,nothing left life kept calm cool facade fine long impressive failing school zero love life idea living think anything want passion keeping alive literally sex dling drug literally anything give small momentary bit joy point barely failure god taken away every piece happiness could possibly disappointed people love keep drain life kill hurt one truly miss couple year would much better parent died fucking failure hurt never wanted life potential one point never realized quickly god turn around -"I’ve been dealing with serious depression for the last 10 years. - -One huge thing is the mental fatigue I’m always feeling in my head. Making it hard to get up and do things. - -What have you done to help relieve that so things are much easier to do and enjoy? I’m planning on switching jobs but the mental exhaustion is making so hard to go for it. So any advice would be amazing!",1,dealing serious depression last 0 year one huge thing mental fatigue always feeling head making hard get thing done help relieve thing much easier enjoy planning switching job mental exhaustion making hard go advice would amazing -"I am a freshman in high school (young I get it) but still have felt like shit for years. This night was terrible, worse then the others and I don’t even know why. I decided that I was gonna end it all. I went to the cabinet and grabbed 20 pills, and swallowed them all knowing what the outcome should have been. I went to bed right away in hopes that I wouldn’t have to feel the pain. But then something weird happened. I heard my alarm clock go off in the morning, meaning I was still alive. How I don’t know but I should have been dead. I can’t focus on anything now and just think about the fact that I’m still alive and thinking of ways on how I am but still nothing. I don’t know what to do and am literally losing my shit.",1,freshman high school young get still felt like shit year night terrible worse others even know decided gon na end went cabinet grabbed 0 pill swallowed knowing outcome went bed right away hope feel pain something weird happened heard alarm clock go morning meaning still alive know dead focus anything think fact still alive thinking way still nothing know literally losing shit -Just being so nervous around every person and my moves and actions I just have no idea it came back so strong I’m so sad it’s everyday is a battle if i have to leave the house idk how I ever got this maybe I always have.,1,nervous around every person move action idea came back strong sad everyday battle leave house idk ever got maybe always -"Gonna Graduate Highschool In a Couple Months. I Have No Future Plans, No Jobs, Can't Go To College Because Of Financial Problems. Everyday Waking Up I Feel Like a Total Piece of Garbage That Never Taken Out. My Friends Has Their Own Future, Some Of Them Already Have Jobs... - -I Don't Have Any Skills, I'm an Idiot. I Don't Know Nothing. - -I Only Have a Mom Left, My Big Bro Paying The Bills Rn... - -After I Graduate Highschool, If I Don't Have a Job When I Reach 20 Y.O Or Something Happened To My Life. I'm Gonna Do It. Or Should I? - -I Don't Know Anymore... I'm Scared Of My Future. I Hope It'll Be Okay... I Hope...",1,gon na graduate highschool couple month future plan job go college financial problem everyday waking feel like total piece garbage never taken friend future already job skill idiot know nothing mom left big bro paying bill rn graduate highschool job reach 0 something happened life gon na know anymore scared future hope okay hope -"I have my Mom and Grandma but it still feels lonely and I can't talk about my problems with them. And my anxiety is kicking me in. -Sometimes I feel like I'm overreacting to it. I just want to cry and tell people how lonely I'm. But still, I don't want to share my feelings. I want to stay strong as much as possible. I don't know what I'm doing. And today is my birthday and no one wishes me. I'm lonely -I need someone to know what I feel. -It's just too lonely.",1,mom grandma still feel lonely talk problem anxiety kicking sometimes feel like overreacting want cry tell people lonely still want share feeling want stay strong much possible know today birthday one wish lonely need someone know feel lonely -"I don’t know if it’s that I’ve been on antidepressants for 3 years, or that I repress my emotions and don’t allow myself to process things, but I didn’t even notice I went on my phone and started reading random bullshit.",1,know antidepressant year repress emotion allow process thing even notice went phone started reading random bullshit -"This is something I see so often and people claim their reason for being an asshole is ""depression"", no being a nasty person and depression are two completely different things. - -I recently got downvoted on this sub for telling someone its wrong to insult others for trying to help them. - -Unfortunately I have seen this in real life as well I was diagnosed with depression nearly 20 years ago so I've been apart of depression support groups and I've heard members of the group call other members ugly / stupid and when confronted they quickly jumped back to ""Sorry! It's my depression! hehe"" - -Real depression is fucking painful and leads to people killing themselves. It's not some sort of 'get out of jail free' card and people that use it as such should stop downplaying depression.",1,something see often people claim reason asshole depression nasty person depression two completely different thing recently got downvoted sub telling someone wrong insult others trying help unfortunately seen real life well diagnosed depression nearly 0 year ago apart depression support group heard member group call member ugly stupid confronted quickly jumped back sorry depression hehe real depression fucking painful lead people killing sort get jail free card people use stop downplaying depression -"Maybe if I made regular, healthy meals for myself instead of skipping them and eating junk food, I’d feel better. Maybe if I kept to a consistent sleep schedule instead of staying up late at night and letting myself pass out on the couch at random times throughout the day, I’d feel better. Maybe if I respected the way I looked instead of neglecting my hygiene and wearing dirty clothes because I don’t feel like changing, I’d feel better. Maybe if I cleaned and decorated my apartment instead of surrounding myself with trash and shit I don’t care about, I’d feel better. Maybe if I left the house once in a while and allowed myself to show the slightest bit of interest in anything, I’d feel better. - -Maybe if I let the right people in instead of always pushing them away, minimize the toxic people in my life instead of always letting them get to me, open up and trust instead of always expecting the worst and keeping my distance. If I would actually be there for the people I care about instead of just saying I am then blowing them off. - -Maybe if I could open myself up to the possibility of positivity instead of always dwelling on the negative, then I’d feel better. - -Probably. - -But damn it, if that shit doesn’t come naturally to me, then I’m just not interested. - -Work hard to make a change? Ha! I’m already working as hard as I can just to keep from loosing it on a day to day basis. I am not willing to put in any more energy into my life than I already am, thank you very much. - -A life of incremental progress towards what was supposed to be the starting line is no life at all. A world where a brain can get like this (whether a product of rationality or not) is not a world in which I wish to live. I don’t care if there’s hope for a better future unless it comes with a better past and present too.",1,maybe made regular healthy meal instead skipping eating junk food feel better maybe kept consistent sleep schedule instead staying late night letting pas couch random time throughout day feel better maybe respected way looked instead neglecting hygiene wearing dirty clothes feel like changing feel better maybe cleaned decorated apartment instead surrounding trash shit care feel better maybe left house allowed show slightest bit interest anything feel better maybe let right people instead always pushing away minimize toxic people life instead always letting get open trust instead always expecting worst keeping distance would actually people care instead saying blowing maybe could open possibility positivity instead always dwelling negative feel better probably damn shit come naturally interested work hard make change ha already working hard keep loosing day day basis willing put energy life already thank much life incremental progress towards supposed starting line life world brain get like whether product rationality world wish live care hope better future unless come better past present -"Well, - -Like the title says it. Since covid has come around and I got it 3 times. Died almost 2 times. At this moment I just hoped it killed me. I having LongCovid and no energy. Need to use a lot of medicines to get normal breath since then. My days are waking up, working, and after 5 hours i have no energy. Gotta work for 10 hours a day because it's to busy. - -After I get home nobody is there to support me. Nobody is ever texting me. I hate it to see everyone having a GF around me. I'm alone not talking to someone. And when I talk to people. People will backstab me after sometime after I did something for them. I hate my life and just want to be happy again. Hoped to find a girl to talk with. Have friends that like playing games and chatting. But I'm always alone while gaming or something. And when people say yeah I get online they never will get online.... - -I'm here to write it off myself. 9/10 times it helps. Especialy since I not have someone to talk about it. Sometimes I hope to meet some Dutch people that feel the same or know how it is. - -&#x200B; - -Thanks for those who even read this sh\*t :D - -&#x200B; - -Kind Regards, - -&#x200B; - -Ajax\_Winner",1,well like title say since covid come around got time died almost time moment hoped killed longcovid energy need use lot medicine get normal breath since day waking working hour energy got ta work 0 hour day busy get home nobody support nobody ever texting hate see everyone gf around alone talking someone talk people people backstab sometime something hate life want happy hoped find girl talk friend like playing game chatting always alone gaming something people say yeah get online never get online write 9 0 time help especialy since someone talk sometimes hope meet dutch people feel know amp x 00b thanks even read sh amp x 00b kind regard amp x 00b ajax winner -"I was in my car, actually, but it was a bad time to start crying. I know it sounds pathetic but I felt my emotions build up and started remembering things I shouldn't remember. Then my tears started flowing. The worst part was making sure my eyes didn't look red before going out in public. This happens to me a lot and I can hardly control it. I've always thought crying makes you weak, but as it turns out, I cry a lot for someone who looks down on it. I feel like a pathetic POS and even more so for being a grown ass 20-year old woman. ",1,car actually bad time start cry know sound pathetic felt emotion build started remembering thing remember tear started flowing worst part making sure eye look red going public happens lot hardly control always thought cry make weak turn cry lot someone look feel like pathetic po even grown as 0 year old woman -"I’m so tired. - - -Everything is rough right now. I’m getting sick of it and I want out. It seems things go wrong at every turn lately. - -For example: - -My family went on a big March break trip, one week on a resort, was gonna be awesome. To top it off, I was turning sixteen that week. And guess what happens? I get Norovirus for 2 days, and then the Flu for the rest of it. I missed half of the trip. How. Fucking. Incredible. - -Back home now, and things are more stressful than when I left. The ceiling of my parents restaurant caved in from prolonged water damage which our landlord wouldn’t fix, and we’ve been closed for a month now, with repairs only starting recently. I have been unable to work this whole time, which is lovely considering I am paying of an expensive computer. Feels selfish to complain considering the scale of issues that my parents are facing, but still fucking sucks. - -I can barely get myself out of bed in the mornings now and I’ve missed lots of school as a result. Of course my grades have fallen, I’ve got missing assignments littered about, and it sucks cause not long ago I was a 90s and up student. - -I just want to be dead. I’m not brave enough to do anything though , so I guess I’ll sit and suffer. - -I was hoping I’d have turned all this around by 16. It’s been 3 years that this has been going on now and I am so disappointed in myself for it. I know I could do better than this, I know I have the capability. If I could just have enough energy and will to get the fuck out of bed every morning all would be perfect. If I could look at myself in the mirror without wanting to claw my face off all would be perfect. But none of this is gonna happen, because I don’t have the drive to bother with any of it. - -Nobody know either. I don’t think anybody has the slightest clue. And if they have an idea, they don’t know the depth of it. I’m not gonna tell them. I’ll probably have died already by the time I have the courage to say anything. Oh well. I certainly won’t tell my parents, I don’t even know how we are still afloat financially with everything that’s happening. But we are barely, and I’m not gonna add stress to them.",1,tired everything rough right getting sick want seems thing go wrong every turn lately example family went big march break trip one week resort gon na awesome top turning sixteen week guess happens get norovirus day flu rest missed half trip fucking incredible back home thing stressful left ceiling parent restaurant caved prolonged water damage landlord fix closed month repair starting recently unable work whole time lovely considering paying expensive computer feel selfish complain considering scale issue parent facing still fucking suck barely get bed morning missed lot school result course grade fallen got missing assignment littered suck cause long ago 90 student want dead brave enough anything though guess sit suffer hoping turned around year going disappointed know could better know capability could enough energy get fuck bed every morning would perfect could look mirror without wanting claw face would perfect none gon na happen drive bother nobody know either think anybody slightest clue idea know depth gon na tell probably died already time courage say anything oh well certainly tell parent even know still afloat financially everything happening barely gon na add stress -"One of my biggest fears is trying everything possible to turn my life around, from grades to career, career to myself. Then still come out being the same or still having the same hallow feelings. I wanna take this next year to change my life around for the best. I wanna look back and be happy with my life and what I've accomplished. I've learned throughout the years that I really do want to be alive, I just don't want to be Me. I wish I could change myself and who I am and where I came from but I can't. So I would like to better myself, do something to make myself proud. I just don't want to waste even more time trying to fix myself then still be unhappy. - -This fear probably came from my dad. He's a ex heroin addict yet In his 40s, he went from a crackhead to owning his own auto repair shop, has a beautiful 5 yr old and amazing wife. Yet he still the most cold hearted asshole. He still cant get more then a couple hr of sleep. He's drunk every night, he rarely speaks a word to me. So from heroin addict to a Shop owner, yet still unhappy, still suicidal, still fighting after doing so fucking much. Is that really all there is to life? - -Constantly Fighting to be happy without ever truly feeling it, you may hide it or distract for awhile but it always come back and harder everytime. Till One day.",1,one biggest fear trying everything possible turn life around grade career career still come still hallow feeling wan na take next year change life around best wan na look back happy life accomplished learned throughout year really want alive want wish could change came would like better something make proud want waste even time trying fix still unhappy fear probably came dad ex heroin addict yet 0 went crackhead owning auto repair shop beautiful yr old amazing wife yet still cold hearted asshole still cant get couple hr sleep drunk every night rarely speaks word heroin addict shop owner yet still unhappy still suicidal still fighting fucking much really life constantly fighting happy without ever truly feeling may hide distract awhile always come back harder everytime till one day -"The daily struggle is starting to get to me. I have wondered for so long why and, made excuses why but, when you're depressed, the reasons don't matter. As far as I'm concerned, seeing a therapist & getting medication are NOT an option for me. The closest therapist is 200 miles away, my insurance does NOT cover visits, they charge $300. a session and the wait for an appointment is 6 months. The way I figure it is, that I have three choices. 1-end it all which would cause pain for everyone else I love, 2-Wait six months, travel & get some happy pills that never work and make certain body parts...uhhhh...shall we say...limp. 3-Deal with it any way possible. Tough choice. I'll get back to you all on what I choose. Be well, peace out.",1,daily struggle starting get wondered long made excuse depressed reason matter far concerned seeing therapist amp getting medication option closest therapist 00 mile away insurance cover visit charge 00 session wait appointment month way figure three choice end would cause pain everyone else love wait six month travel amp get happy pill never work make certain body part uhhhh shall say limp deal way possible tough choice get back choose well peace -"I feel like if I just got some life changing money like that a good amount of my problems would be solved. It's just crazy to think that someone spends that much in a week, when just spending $300 in a week would take me a month to recover from.",1,feel like got life changing money like good amount problem would solved crazy think someone spends much week spending 00 week would take month recover -I have anxiety and possibly depression too but I just wanted to ask if grief can be considered as depression. I'm not really capable of feeling grief I have only felt it in dreams or about animals or something.,1,anxiety possibly depression wanted ask grief considered depression really capable feeling grief felt dream animal something -"Been on escitalopram for about 7 years. Worked great for the first 3 or 4 years. Was prescribed either 15 or 20mg. Honestly don't remember the exact dosage. Eventually it started making me feel complacent with sleeping long hours, and not having any energy, not meeting my goals (or even making goals in the first place), and not caring about things I used to. I didn't feel depressed, but felt like I was not where I wanted to be in life and that the antidepressants were part of the problem. I should also mention that part of the reason I take them is for anxiety - -When this happened about 3 years ago, I decided to go off of them, over a period of ~6 months. It was a very slow process because of all the side effects. It was terrible. Once I was finally off them, I felt worse. I did have more energy, but it was like anxious energy. I could function on 6 hours of sleep just fine, whereas with the antidepressants I feel like I have the flu if I get less than 8-9 hours. (Normal on the pills is 9-10 hours) - -Well, once I was finally off the pills, I was getting anxious over every little thing, including driving. I had just gotten a new job, and was failing at it. My inlaws came to visit in two seperate trips, and after the first trip I decided I had to go back on the pills asap as I couldn't handle it anymore. Random outbursts of crying and feeling very depressed along with near constant anxiety, which is not great when my in-laws already don't seem to like me much - -Long story short, I went back on the pills about 3 years ago, probably about a month or 2 of being off of them, but I have kept the dosage low (5mg) as I'd like to try getting off them again. I am worried to get off them completely again to try new antidepressants as I've been promoted a few times since I went back on them, and I can't risk screwing up my job - -I did ask my doctor if I could take the lowest dose of my current antidepressants (0.25mg?) while I switch to new ones, but she told me I would have to be completely off the old ones before starting anything new. Now I am also contemplating just upping my dosage to higher than it was before, and seeing if that helps. But I'm also worried about having to try to get off a high dosage again. It was so terrible. - -I'm mostly just wondering if anyone has any similar experiences and what you decided to do and how it worked for you. I know going to my doctor is best, but it hasn't been super helpful for me so I'm just curious about personal experiences, and I just feel like rambling a bit, I guess",1,escitalopram year worked great first year prescribed either 0mg honestly remember exact dosage eventually started making feel complacent sleeping long hour energy meeting goal even making goal first place caring thing used feel depressed felt like wanted life antidepressant part problem also mention part reason take anxiety happened year ago decided go period month slow process side effect terrible finally felt worse energy like anxious energy could function hour sleep fine whereas antidepressant feel like flu get le 9 hour normal pill 9 0 hour well finally pill getting anxious every little thing including driving gotten new job failing inlaws came visit two seperate trip first trip decided go back pill asap handle anymore random outburst cry feeling depressed along near constant anxiety great law already seem like much long story short went back pill year ago probably month kept dosage low mg like try getting worried get completely try new antidepressant promoted time since went back risk screwing job ask doctor could take lowest dose current antidepressant 0 mg switch new one told would completely old one starting anything new also contemplating upping dosage higher seeing help also worried try get high dosage terrible mostly wondering anyone similar experience decided worked know going doctor best super helpful curious personal experience feel like rambling bit guess -"I wasn't in a relationship but there was this girl who I was heavily attracted to. For whatever reason, nothing worked out well. - -I've tried throwing the kitchen sink at it for quite some time now but I'll never get any closure because she's hardly active on any social media. After much deliberation, I actually realized that I still do have the same feelings for her now as I did back then but I can't do shit about it. - -I've started to accept that my pain probably won't ever go away unless my life does and I've been having an intention to act on that.",1,relationship girl heavily attracted whatever reason nothing worked well tried throwing kitchen sink quite time never get closure hardly active social medium much deliberation actually realized still feeling back shit started accept pain probably ever go away unless life intention act -"When it rains it pours. I can never get ahead in this game of life. It’s all sorts things that pile on at the same time it seems like. I start thinking that maybe it’ll turn around wham something new. Newest one, family has a trip planned coming up and sure enough kid is sick. I just don’t understand why can’t things ever shift in my favor. I know this sounds petty compared to other peoples problems but I just needed to vent to someone.",1,rain pours never get ahead game life sort thing pile time seems like start thinking maybe turn around wham something new newest one family trip planned coming sure enough kid sick understand thing ever shift favor know sound petty compared people problem needed vent someone -"I feel like all of this is part of a bigger plan. Not that I believe in God or anything. I believe that what we are experiencing right this moment is reliving our past. We are living a fulfilling life there somewhere, in the future. I’m not sure what the endgame is, but, being curious about it, it’s the only thing preventing me from burying myself six feet under. I’d like to find out if my older self is alive and well. I feel him watching me from the distance.",1,feel like part bigger plan believe god anything believe experiencing right moment reliving past living fulfilling life somewhere future sure endgame curious thing preventing burying six foot like find older self alive well feel watching distance -"i’m so behind in all my responsibilities that i’m seriously fucking up my future. the weird thing? i don’t care. logically i should be panicking, but i’m so calm. i feel like i’m barely even here.",1,behind responsibility seriously fucking future weird thing care logically panicking calm feel like barely even -"i dont think my friends are bad people, which for some reason hurts to type. i cant stand them anymore though. im a class clown so everyone thinks im so outgoing and can talk to people but to be honest i put on a mask. i think people are only my friend because im funny, im only a joke and not an actual person. if i make a self deprecating joke ill be showered with fake compliments or jokes about me. because you play games or call a group chat im in doesnt make us real friends. ive never had a genuine conversation with anybody i know from school or online. the closest ive felt to having friends was talking to someone about a game on omegle. nobody actually hangs out with me, either im in a group chat and somebody calls it or someone feels bad and invites me somewhere. two of my friends have messed up plans several times with me and dont invite me anywhere now. is this some weird fucking pity thing? i dont understand anything about them. it genuinly upsets me and any small comment or joke ruins my day. they dont think about these things but i do. maybe they dont bring it up, i dont either but atleast they have people to comfort them. they can believe whatever garbage they say to eachother but i know any compliment i get is a lie and fake, they just like me being funny and telling jokes. sometimes ill stay in factimes alone after everyone left, its usually me and one person left and then they leave. im so fucking alone. the worst part is i dont fit with anybody in my class, theres a trans kis in my class and i dont think theyd accept me with how they talk sometimes. the others might not either, and i know my family 100% wouldnt. they all say homophobic shit from time to time, and everyone in my family are not my age but much older. they all seem like they would treat me differently. im so scared. i cant go to anybody and i dont like the idea of venting online but here i am.",1,dont think friend bad people reason hurt type cant stand anymore though im class clown everyone think im outgoing talk people honest put mask think people friend im funny im joke actual person make self deprecating joke ill showered fake compliment joke play game call group chat im doesnt make u real friend ive never genuine conversation anybody know school online closest ive felt friend talking someone game omegle nobody actually hang either im group chat somebody call someone feel bad invite somewhere two friend messed plan several time dont invite anywhere weird fucking pity thing dont understand anything genuinly upset small comment joke ruin day dont think thing maybe dont bring dont either atleast people comfort believe whatever garbage say eachother know compliment get lie fake like funny telling joke sometimes ill stay factimes alone everyone left usually one person left leave im fucking alone worst part dont fit anybody class there trans ki class dont think theyd accept talk sometimes others might either know family 00 wouldnt say homophobic shit time time everyone family age much older seem like would treat differently im scared cant go anybody dont like idea venting online -"I cant do this I just cant anymore I wanna be happy again. Im dealing with lots rn ever since I watched some verg graphic gore, smoked weed, had dpdr, researched solipsism. Its all too much for me I wanna be happy again I just cant see the world the same anymore but I want to please someone help. Ive had this kind of depression for years it comes and goes. I hadnt had any kind of major depression tho for a while. This doesnt feel like itll go away I rly need to know and make sure itll go away because I just cant especially at night thats when it gets rly bad. I just don’t know what to do, this doesn’t feel like it’ll ever go away. Please please help im desperate.",1,cant cant anymore wan na happy im dealing lot rn ever since watched verg graphic gore smoked weed dpdr researched solipsism much wan na happy cant see world anymore want please someone help ive kind depression year come go hadnt kind major depression tho doesnt feel like itll go away rly need know make sure itll go away cant especially night thats get rly bad know feel like ever go away please please help im desperate -"I’ve been struggling for a long time but it’s getting worse, I feel alone constantly no matter who’s around me, I fake a smile to pretend I’m okay but I’m far from it. Idk what to do anymore. I don’t eat, I can’t sleep. No matter how hard I try I never feel that I’m good enough, what do I do…… do I give up…. I don’t wanna die but I don’t wanna live like this..",1,struggling long time getting worse feel alone constantly matter around fake smile pretend okay far idk anymore eat sleep matter hard try never feel good enough give wan na die wan na live like -I’ve tried 10 antidepressants. Nothing works. I’m about to fail out if college. It’s over for me. I don’t want to love anymore.,1,tried 0 antidepressant nothing work fail college want love anymore -"I'm starting to hate this routine I've gotten myself into. I especially hate my job, I mean it's convenient and it doesn't suck all the time but this place has me by the balls. I never see anyone anymore, I'm trying to save up for a car but I suck at saving. I'm going nowhere in my life and on top of that, I'm starting to wish I didn't push everyone away. Or isolate myself but I can't help it.",1,starting hate routine gotten especially hate job mean convenient suck time place ball never see anyone anymore trying save car suck saving going nowhere life top starting wish push everyone away isolate help -"I forget that I’m depressed and not normal because people love to bash me for not caring about most things other humans do, like making lots of money and being better than everyone else lmao - -I made a post earlier about how I’ll never do extra work at my job bc it’s not worth it (knowing from experience and being on that side I know you just get used by companies and they never pay you what you deserve) so anyway I realized I don’t care for most things other people do .. lmao and for what. Why should I care. It’s not worth caring.",1,forget depressed normal people love bash caring thing human like making lot money better everyone else lmao made post earlier never extra work job bc worth knowing experience side know get used company never pay deserve anyway realized care thing people lmao care worth caring -I’m absolutely fucking leathered.I love you all.,1,absolutely fucking leathered love -"Every day I feel exhausted. I wake up and just lay in bed. I feel like I have no interests anymore. Even playing videogames or watching YouTube isn't enjoyable anymore. I feel so tired and stuck. - -I don't know what to do with my life. I am back living with my parents and currently am not working (I applied for disability due to my depression). I see a therapist twice a week and do chores for my parents in the meantime. But I just feel like laying in bed all day. Even when I force myself to do things I feel little or nothing from it. I just want this feeling to end.",1,every day feel exhausted wake lay bed feel like interest anymore even playing videogames watching youtube enjoyable anymore feel tired stuck know life back living parent currently working applied disability due depression see therapist twice week chore parent meantime feel like laying bed day even force thing feel little nothing want feeling end -"Days have passed since I last posted -Nothing has improved -My friends just hang with me for my stuff -My family sees me as a liability and useless - - -It's midnight again and I wish I was dead",1,day passed since last posted nothing improved friend hang stuff family see liability useless midnight wish dead -"I recently asked out my crush. -She seemed positive about It, but didn't give me a clear answer. -I asked If we could talk about it today and we did. -She told me she would like to o go out with me, but she doesn't feel ready to be in a relationship. -She would've said yes. -If I had waited a bit longer. -I am just so disappointed in myself 😓 -Everytime I am near happiness, I screw everything up. -I hate myself",1,recently asked crush seemed positive give clear answer asked could talk today told would like go feel ready relationship would said yes waited bit longer disappointed everytime near happiness screw everything hate -"Fourteen years ago today, I got married. I thought it was the beginning of my uneventful, everyday nothing wife mom homemaker life and id be happy and grow old and die and be buried beside my old man. - -Nope. Here I am, 37 and widowed w four kids and alone af. I’m so lonely in the human sense that yes, it contributes to my MDD and CPTSD. I’ve been widowed for four years, raising four kids solo, my parents died a year after my husband did, my siblings live 70 miles away, my extended relatives live out of state, my close friends I only really interact with through texting because they live far away, all of my friends and female acquaintances have boyfriends or husbands so anytime I’m physically around them the interactions feel awful for me (and my kids), I don’t fit in at any of the churches I attend or interact with because all of the other widows are decades older than me and all of the mothers w young kids go there with their husbands and are all happy with their full lives and younger people don’t wanna talk to the widow w a bunch of kids in her 30s. - -Dating? HahahahahahahahahahHhHhh. They’re either never been married and want someone young and childless, they’re older and don’t want to have a house of kids if we’d get married, or they’re younger and don’t want to take on that role to kids who aren’t biologically theirs, etc. - -I’m just left out and alone. And then people don’t like if I voice how lonely I feel, so they’ll attempt to invalidate my feelings with “you have kids”…that makes me extra lonely. I have no one to send the cute pics I take of them to, tell their cute little stories to, who they can do things with or help me answer the questions. Many times I’m overwhelmed because they’ll all talk to me or ask me questions simultaneously because we have no one else who’s a regular in our lives. It’s just me. So they swamp me and I can’t pay attention to everyone all at the same time how they need. - -So then at night, they’re asleep and I’m trying to destress but I can’t because the next day will be the same, and there is no one to cuddle with or talk to etc. - -It’s funny too because I see articles etc about how moms are overstressed etc and they need help and all, but when I air my situation and troubles, people say my motherhood (single widowed motherhood to four fatherless kids) should be the answer to my loneliness and stress. If society wants to feel bad for and support married moms of one of two kids, how come I can NEVER get some freaking recognition and support as a single widowed mom of FOUR with no family or whoever helping her? Again, I’m ostracized, even in the stressed single mom circle.",1,fourteen year ago today got married thought beginning uneventful everyday nothing wife mom homemaker life id happy grow old die buried beside old man nope widowed w four kid alone af lonely human sense yes contributes mdd cptsd widowed four year raising four kid solo parent died year husband sibling live 0 mile away extended relative live state close friend really interact texting live far away friend female acquaintance boyfriend husband anytime physically around interaction feel awful kid fit church attend interact widow decade older mother w young kid go husband happy full life younger people wan na talk widow w bunch kid 0 dating hahahahahahahahahahhhhhh either never married want someone young childless older want house kid get married younger want take role kid biologically etc left alone people like voice lonely feel attempt invalidate feeling kid make extra lonely one send cute pic take tell cute little story thing help answer question many time overwhelmed talk ask question simultaneously one else regular life swamp pay attention everyone time need night asleep trying destress next day one cuddle talk etc funny see article etc mom overstressed etc need help air situation trouble people say motherhood single widowed motherhood four fatherless kid answer loneliness stress society want feel bad support married mom one two kid come never get freaking recognition support single widowed mom four family whoever helping ostracized even stressed single mom circle -I'm think I'm depressed and my anxiety is through the roof rn. I'm having a hard time focusing. What should I do?,1,think depressed anxiety roof rn hard time focusing -"why is it that sometimes i just randomly am completely consumed by anxiety, i try think about something nice and i just feel random anxiety and i don’t know why. it makes me feel awful. or am i just tired. i don’t know, but i do know that i’m so easily consumed by defeat and depression. i just want to give up and hurt myself. i don’t know what to do anymore. i hope i can make it.",1,sometimes randomly completely consumed anxiety try think something nice feel random anxiety know make feel awful tired know know easily consumed defeat depression want give hurt know anymore hope make -"Does anyone else feel helpless? Every day I just feel like I am passing time from one shitty situation to the next. What is the point? I am a 44 (M) Father or two with two kids (early teen and college-age) and married to my best friend. Career, marriage, etc.. - -I can't stand my job. It's not the company, rather the job itself. I am an Account Manager in the Pharmaceutical industry which translates to constantly apologizing for other worker's fuck ups and dealing with burnt-out, frustrated pharmacists all the time. I never cause the problem, but I am treated as such and shit gets taken out on me. There is absolutely no joy in this position and it sucks whatever remaining happiness I have. I am looking for another job. - -I have mental health issues (GAD, Depression, PTSD, etc..) which do not help. I never know how I am going to react, behave, or feel each day. Sadly, no matter how I try to hide it, my family always knows. I am seeing a Therapist, which helps at the time, but the ""effect"" always wears off in a day or two. I want nothing more than for my kids and wife to be happy and content with their life. I am sure that hard to do with me around, following them like a storm cloud or Eeyore. - -I had a classmate I grew up with, she was awesome. Beautiful inside and out, the type of person who makes the world better just by existing. She recently had a freak medical condition that caused her to have a massive stroke and pass away. Positive, humble, great Mother/Wife, she didn't deserve it (no one does I suppose). In any case, I wish I could have taken one for the team and taken her place. She wanted to be here, I don't anymore. It's not fair. - -I very rarely find joy in anything anymore (kids, wife, family excluded). I should be and want to be okay, not happy or content.. it's just not there. - -Sorry, just venting. Thank you for listening.",1,anyone else feel helpless every day feel like passing time one shitty situation next point father two two kid early teen college age married best friend career marriage etc stand job company rather job account manager pharmaceutical industry translates constantly apologizing worker fuck ups dealing burnt frustrated pharmacist time never cause problem treated shit get taken absolutely joy position suck whatever remaining happiness looking another job mental health issue gad depression ptsd etc help never know going react behave feel day sadly matter try hide family always know seeing therapist help time effect always wear day two want nothing kid wife happy content life sure hard around following like storm cloud eeyore classmate grew awesome beautiful inside type person make world better existing recently freak medical condition caused massive stroke pas away positive humble great mother wife deserve one suppose case wish could taken one team taken place wanted anymore fair rarely find joy anything anymore kid wife family excluded want okay happy content sorry venting thank listening -"So I'm om an anti-depressant. And I feel it works somewhat, I've tried many others that just don't. I'll be ok for a while, just ok, not cured or anything, then ill hit these pits where I can't find joy in anything, not even doing stuff with my kids. Like I just wanna lay in bed all day type of depression, and idk what to do. I do struggle with substance abuse and I know that's a big part in it I just didn't wanna get too into detail about it here. I'm so stuck. I feel like I'm in a funk and just wanna get out. I've struggled with substance abuse for a few years now, which has just worsened my depression honestly.",1,om anti depressant feel work somewhat tried many others ok ok cured anything ill hit pit find joy anything even stuff kid like wan na lay bed day type depression idk struggle substance abuse know big part wan na get detail stuck feel like funk wan na get struggled substance abuse year worsened depression honestly -"The absolute gal of some fucking people! I don’t know about the rest of you, but I post in r/suicide and this page to cope with my negative feelings and emotions. It has helped me a lot this past year and it has helped me be more open about it in general. It’s good to read other people’s experience and know you are not alone. And then this person decided to ask to speak with me and then goes on to invalidate and minimize my feelings! Because surprise they have a fucking saviour complex! These spaces are meant for us to express what we can’t normally say to the rest of the world and there’s nothing wrong with that. We are allowed to experience sadness, suicidal ideation, loneliness. If that makes you uncomfortable that in you motherfucker. Don’t sit there and tell me you want to “help me” and “hear me” but start the conversation off by saying, everyone has stress, your only 23, there’s options. How dare you invalidate my experience because you don’t want me to be sad. Bitch I have a fucking therapist for a reason! I come to this platform to here things like “me too” or “I feel the same way” or “ your not alone”. Not “uhh don’t be sad cuz I don’t like that” holy shit. Does anyone else relate to this? How people just won’t let you be sad cuz it makes them uncomfortable. If your uncomfortable, imagine how I feel!!! Imma be sad today motherfucker!",1,absolute gal fucking people know rest post r suicide page cope negative feeling emotion helped lot past year helped open general good read people experience know alone person decided ask speak go invalidate minimize feeling surprise fucking saviour complex space meant u express normally say rest world nothing wrong allowed experience sadness suicidal ideation loneliness make uncomfortable motherfucker sit tell want help hear start conversation saying everyone stress option dare invalidate experience want sad bitch fucking therapist reason come platform thing like feel way alone uhh sad cuz like holy shit anyone else relate people let sad cuz make uncomfortable uncomfortable imagine feel imma sad today motherfucker -"TLDR, fck this I'm out. - -I can't fcking do this, I'm tired of myself, why do I feel like this? I would ask for help but it's not worth it at this point, I give up. - -I should be at the happiest point in my life, I have more friends than ever before that love me, I've been out of a really toxic/abusive friendship for 6-7 months now, I don't know, I'm tired, I'm done, all my grades are good but rapidly slipping. - -I worry **everyone** I'm around, my entire family thinks I'm suicidal and they're fcking right, although they just think it because of my shitty humour they keep telling me to drop. They only hear the half of it, my friends are the ones who are extremely worried even though I think it might be bc of my ""jokes"" too. - -I'm not sure if this is a rant or a cry for help because I have a beam in my room thats perfect for a noose and a letter and I've spent since December finding a date that won't f-up anyone's bday or special event (early april). It was gonna be early this month but my friend has invited me to a convention and tbh that's the only reason I'm ""here"", I didn't want to mess it up for them because they seemed really exited and I really love them and although I've come to terms with leaving them I know it'll take them a while. - -I'm not sure why I'm writing this, help? advice? idk, I just feel like I'm at the point of no return.",1,tldr fck fcking tired feel like would ask help worth point give happiest point life friend ever love really toxic abusive friendship month know tired done grade good rapidly slipping worry everyone around entire family think suicidal fcking right although think shitty humour keep telling drop hear half friend one extremely worried even though think might bc joke sure rant cry help beam room thats perfect noose letter spent since december finding date f anyone bday special event early april gon na early month friend invited convention tbh reason want mess seemed really exited really love although come term leaving know take sure writing help advice idk feel like point return -I'm 19 and feel lonely and empty from inside.... I grew up having no friends... I did get a great group of friends but then they ended up just using me... And then leaving me like trash. So I just roam alone most of the time all empty from inside... I can't even talk to my parents about it as they expect me to be happy 24/7....which I can't but I have to for them so that they don't get worried about me... I just want friends some true one.... I also realise that u trust people way too easily... Maybe I shouldn't.... Sometimes I just wanna kill myself but then I think of my family and future and don't do it.... I wish I didn't exist....,1,9 feel lonely empty inside grew friend get great group friend ended using leaving like trash roam alone time empty inside even talk parent expect happy get worried want friend true one also realise u trust people way easily maybe sometimes wan na kill think family future wish exist -"Today I had an important college presentation to do but since last night I’ve been so dead, feels like with my brain my body has also given up. I have to pull myself together to even get out of bed. I had to wake up early today and I did but I just couldn’t leave my bed, I was crying so much the whole night for no specific reason. I decided not to go and explained my partner that I won’t make it, I told them how I was feeling. Funnily they’re my best friends who were doing the presentation w me. One of them said I didn’t have the balls to just say it straight to their face that I just don’t want to go because I’m being lazy or whatever. It hurt me so much. How do I explain this to them… it makes me feel like I’m good for nothing. I feel like a piece of shit for not doing things I should be doing. Everyday it keeps on getting worse for me, I tried therapy but its just expensive and doesn’t work for me plus I always have this stress of spending so much on therapy being a student. If this is how its going to be like then I don’t even wanna carry on lmao. I’d rather just kill myself? But I can’t do that also because I’m such a coward and always think about the consequences of my action and how other people would have to deal w it. The shame that my parents will have to face. I have so much fear and anxiety. Its so difficult to survive.",1,today important college presentation since last night dead feel like brain body also given pull together even get bed wake early today leave bed cry much whole night specific reason decided go explained partner make told feeling funnily best friend presentation w one said ball say straight face want go lazy whatever hurt much explain make feel like good nothing feel like piece shit thing everyday keep getting worse tried therapy expensive work plus always stress spending much therapy student going like even wan na carry lmao rather kill also coward always think consequence action people would deal w shame parent face much fear anxiety difficult survive -"My memory’s fading, I’m losing weight, I don't sleep, sex feels hollow, I have no motivation to do anything, and I frequently think about death. I've been seeing these symptoms in myself on and off again for the past few years, but never really put them together until now. - -I attributed the weight loss to a study I read stating that just thinking about working out can have benefits, despite not actually working out. I never really thought of it as a symptom, I just saw it as a positive, slightly inexplicable development in my life. - -I think I read that I have passive intrusive thoughts or something like that; essentially I think about what it would be like if I was dead, but not about how I would want to die or anything like that. The reason for it was always lost on me, I just learned to live with it. - -My sleep issues, motivation issues, and lack of sexual pleasure have always been present, so I never really thought twice about them. - -I thought the memory loss was due to my rare and infrequent use of recreational psychedelics. When I connected all of these together, I spent about 10 minutes just trying to remember what I had for dinner last night, which I found fairly upsetting as up until my teenage years I had an immaculate memory. - -I'd still consider myself 'happy', at least to the extent that I've always known, but the symptoms are there nevertheless and I'm just finding the whole thing quite strange.",1,memory fading losing weight sleep sex feel hollow motivation anything frequently think death seeing symptom past year never really put together attributed weight loss study read stating thinking working benefit despite actually working never really thought symptom saw positive slightly inexplicable development life think read passive intrusive thought something like essentially think would like dead would want die anything like reason always lost learned live sleep issue motivation issue lack sexual pleasure always present never really thought twice thought memory loss due rare infrequent use recreational psychedelics connected together spent 0 minute trying remember dinner last night found fairly upsetting teenage year immaculate memory still consider happy least extent always known symptom nevertheless finding whole thing quite strange -"This always fucking happens. I don’t want to be sad, I’m a happy person. This happens to me a few times a year and it’s unbearable, I don’t want to die but this really hurts randomly and I hate it. I promise I’m not a sad person",1,always fucking happens want sad happy person happens time year unbearable want die really hurt randomly hate promise sad person -"Last week at a family st Patrick’s day party I got drunk and took the rest of my antidepressants, idk how much it was but it was at least more than half the bottle left. I realized what I did was stupid because there were kids around and I didn’t want my little cousins seeing me OD so I told my aunt and she took me to the ER, that was Thursday night I don’t remember anything after getting to the ER, I was completely out of it and I didn’t wake up until Saturday morning. I wish I didn’t survive, and I’ve been in the hospital since then because there aren’t any beds available for outpatient programs, I’m just waiting for a bed. I don’t want to go to a psych ward, I’ve already been admitted 5 other times for suicidal ideation, this was my first time attempting. I don’t think life is worth living, and I don’t mean that for just me, I think for anyone. Life is so fucking mundane and pointless I don’t want to do any of it, I don’t want to “live” so I can work and pay bills for the rest of my life, what’s the point in that? And none of the people that I genuinely care about have reached out to me that know I OD’d which breaks my fucking heart, it’s like they don’t even care. I’ve been so depressed for so long, I don’t want to fight anymore and I don’t think it’s fair for people to ask me stay when they know I’m suffering. I’ve given up already, I don’t think I’ll ever get my will to live again, I’m literally dead inside and I have nothing to live for.",1,last week family st patrick day party got drunk took rest antidepressant idk much least half bottle left realized stupid kid around want little cousin seeing od told aunt took er thursday night remember anything getting er completely wake saturday morning wish survive hospital since bed available outpatient program waiting bed want go psych ward already admitted time suicidal ideation first time attempting think life worth living mean think anyone life fucking mundane pointless want want live work pay bill rest life point none people genuinely care reached know od break fucking heart like even care depressed long want fight anymore think fair people ask stay know suffering given already think ever get live literally dead inside nothing live -"Some of you on this sub probably have this as well. I'm about to be 19, and I have been depressed since I was a child. It has taken away my ability to make friends, be a functional human being, and live a normal life. I've never felt wanted, because I wasn't. My narcissistic family wasn't of any help, so I moved in with my boyfriend approximately a year ago. - -I regret everything. I have no support. I'm a disgrace to my family. All I want to do is lay in bed, and just stay there. - -And the worst thing is, I can't just kill myself or my boyfriend will be emotionally ruined... I don't understand why I got into a relationship, I'm so selfish. If it wasn't for him I would've thrown myself off of an overpass a while ago. - -I feel like I'm going insane. I want to die but I can't actually do it myself because of guilt, fear, ... So I'm kinda just there, trying to do what people expect of me.",1,sub probably well 9 depressed since child taken away ability make friend functional human live normal life never felt wanted narcissistic family help moved boyfriend approximately year ago regret everything support disgrace family want lay bed stay worst thing kill boyfriend emotionally ruined understand got relationship selfish would thrown overpass ago feel like going insane want die actually guilt fear kinda trying people expect -"I have a friend at work that I’ve been confiding in for the last couple weeks. We both are experiencing depression and suicidal ideation over the last several years. She seemed like someone who has everything together in a sense that she has a gridiron exterior, great career, very positive attitude and I come to learn she’s barely hanging on. In my struggles with depression, she has been my most interesting and welcomed member of my support network. I’m also working at getting my former boss, now my director, back into my network. My current boss adds to the depression quite a bit but having a network of people to connect with is truly a blessing. My point is that there are so many wonderful people and sometimes you expect the least expected to be your strongest ally. Stay strong and make today the best you can. Practice self care. Exercise is therapy. Therapy is therapy. And be a reason someone releases the stigma that depression is for the weak but that the strongest have to survive the self destruct mechanism in your brain. Just learn to manage it.",1,friend work confiding last couple week experiencing depression suicidal ideation last several year seemed like someone everything together sense gridiron exterior great career positive attitude come learn barely hanging struggle depression interesting welcomed member support network also working getting former bos director back network current bos add depression quite bit network people connect truly blessing point many wonderful people sometimes expect least expected strongest ally stay strong make today best practice self care exercise therapy therapy therapy reason someone release stigma depression weak strongest survive self destruct mechanism brain learn manage -"I don’t care about therapy, school, work, friends, music, clothes…anything. I don’t even card enough to eat. I don’t care to shower or to get up. I simply lack energy to care. I hate this world - -My therapist says I should try and do things i enjoy or atleast keep up with my room but…nah. I don’t care to. I’m not doing anything anymore 🤷‍♂️",1,care therapy school work friend music clothes anything even card enough eat care shower get simply lack energy care hate world therapist say try thing enjoy atleast keep room nah care anything anymore -"I have been pretty down for the last few years and I felt mentally stuck in a limbo. It is like I can't move back but I can't move forward. I have just been surviving for the past few years. But now, it's like I can't physically move. I don't feel like studying or even getting up and I don't know how to get over it. It comes and goes but sometimes it comes at really bad times. I wish I could get over this part.",1,pretty last year felt mentally stuck limbo like move back move forward surviving past year like physically move feel like studying even getting know get come go sometimes come really bad time wish could get part -"hello , i am 26 , i had been very reluctant to admit i was depressed but it's very hard to hide at this point plus who am i kidding. apparently its written over my face for people who have known me for a while. it really hurts me when people ask ""how are you ?"" - i cannot tell if they are just being cordial or they truly care, i assume the former for them and respond i am good/okay but every time i say i am good i feel slightly sadder because i know that is not the case. i want to speak about this to friends but i do not really feel close to any friend anymore ( i moved countries so this could be a contributing factor) so here i am on reddit. - - i have attended university twice now and already going to have a delay on this degree , which means another year of my life wasted to chasing a degree (9) i have been very disconnected from friends over the last two years and have felt like i am in a prison because i have mostly spoken extensively to just two people over last two years, maybe this is because i am extroverted. i do not recognise myself anymore, i used to be so positive and strong mentally but a lot of negative thinking and bad thoughts have engulfed me for a while now. i used to be very funny and enjoyed joking around but thats vanished these days. i used to be very athletic and worked very hard to get lean after antipsychotics made me gain weight but now i am starting to put some weight back on because i have been using unhealthy food to cope these days. my mind is flooded with so much negative thoughts/patterns it's becoming too exhausting and i can barely study, despite my best efforts and knowing finals are next week - -mostly quit social media, especially instagram because all it makes me do is compare myself to others, and reminds me of how unaccomplished i feel and the older i get the more i start to fear that i might actually go nowhere and how it might be better to die young and full of potential than a wasted life - -will i get back to how i once was before my mental health went to shit ? is there a way out for good? - -i have tried therapy but didn't work, my last therapist told me she doesn't know why i am depressed because i am very good looking, smart, likeable and said to cheer up, like it was that simple.",1,hello reluctant admit depressed hard hide point plus kidding apparently written face people known really hurt people ask tell cordial truly care assume former respond good okay every time say good feel slightly sadder know case want speak friend really feel close friend anymore moved country could contributing factor reddit attended university twice already going delay degree mean another year life wasted chasing degree 9 disconnected friend last two year felt like prison mostly spoken extensively two people last two year maybe extroverted recognise anymore used positive strong mentally lot negative thinking bad thought engulfed used funny enjoyed joking around thats vanished day used athletic worked hard get lean antipsychotic made gain weight starting put weight back using unhealthy food cope day mind flooded much negative thought pattern becoming exhausting barely study despite best effort knowing final next week mostly quit social medium especially instagram make compare others reminds unaccomplished feel older get start fear might actually go nowhere might better die young full potential wasted life get back mental health went shit way good tried therapy work last therapist told know depressed good looking smart likeable said cheer like simple -"I don't know if I have depression anymore, a few years ago I was convinced I did since I didn't have much joy left in my hobbies, games or many shows. And I know when this... thing all started, back in primary school (I'm in UK) there was this autistic kid named Patrick, he appeared nice at the beginning but I had a bad feeling about him, I felt bad that I did since he was autistic, and back then, I was told that you should never judge someone because of appearances or disabilities. - -For that I wanted to be his friend, along with everyone else, after a few days of trying, I realised why I had the bad feeling, it turned out that Patrick was a bully, and he always called me names and pushed me and hit me every time I was even near him, and of course... I went to a teacher, guess what they did \*drumroll\*… **Nothing,** they said he couldn't help it because he was autistic, this went on for a year. - -After a year of this, the other boys in the class joined in and called me names, and I only had 2 friends through all of this Lets call one B and the other L, when I was hanging out with B, she offered a sweet they had, (one of 2) and I was thankful for her kindness, the next day, B told L that I stole it from her and I now lost my only 'friends'. - -Another year of this and still nothing, but I had one friend, we'll call her M, M was a girl I liked, (I Matured Fast) After a while of hanging out with M, I asked her to be my Girlfriend and she said yes. - -6 Months of more bullying but being with M, I was sad about not having friends but happy that I was with M, M slowly stopped hanging out with me, and soon enough, she started hanging out with B. - -3 Months Later, Me and M were over, M was always talking to B, I talked to no one, I stopped going outside apart from school, whenever M asked me to come outside, I Never said yes anymore, I just sunk myself into a rabbit hole of YouTube Videos, PS4 Games, and especially Fortnite when it was popular. After Summer holidays, I went back to school and I gave up on making friends or doing work that year, I always got mad whenever someone insulted me and I walked out of the classroom, still teachers did **nothing**, they actually called my carers and said I might have autism or anger issues, absolutely ignoring the fact I was being bullied right in front of them, it definitely didn't help that the teacher for our class was always on the girls side, and soon enough I felt like I wanted to murder some of my classmates, and I forgot to mention that I became friends with one of the boys that bullied me last year, but he didn't really talk to me much, after I started reading news stories about depression, abuse, treatment of kids mental health ETC, and I came to the conclusion that Adults couldn't help in this situation, so I had to stop my anger before it even started, I tried to stop sleeping because I thought if I was tired enough, my brain would be to weak to show emotion, I soon enough had no friends, didn't get much sleep, didn't go outside apart from school, and that's only through the course of 3 and a half years - -Primary 6; I decided I was gonna better myself and actually do my work, I got to level 3 in 3 subjects, I talked to My friend more, I became friends with M again, (after M and B had a fight they stopped being friends.) So, in that year the teachers were the true problem (and Patrick of course) Let's call teacher one C and No.2 D, D was the one I hated the most, D intentionally made fun of the fact my dad left my mother when I was born, D also heard Patrick call me names and hit me and breathe in my face multiple times, I burst out of the room and went outside, then D found me and acted like he didn't know what happened the deliberately said ""Get back inside or I'll Call your Dad"", That made me so angry that I shouted right in his face and I went back inside Angrily, Patrick still annoyed me and still teachers ignored it, after Covid erupted, We went off school and it was great, skip to primary 7 and Patrick finally started getting in trouble... By one teacher only. Teacher C, after a while of him actually getting in trouble, he came up with a plan, he decided to tell teacher C to go home and kill themself and when it happened, Teacher C went out with watering eyes, and the head teacher came in and said to him ""Patrick that's not nice, Don't say it again"" - -Teacher C still got him in trouble and he gave up on stopping her. Nothing much happened that year, he still bullied me but I tuned all of it out, since I couldn't care anymore, Nor could I get angry anymore, all my anger was used up.. - -Now, I'm in S1 and people call me emo just because of my long fringe, no one wants to be friends with me, everyone annoys me for no reason, most of my primary school friends are no longer talking to me. I gave up, do I have depression?",1,know depression anymore year ago convinced since much joy left hobby game many show know thing started back primary school uk autistic kid named patrick appeared nice beginning bad feeling felt bad since autistic back told never judge someone appearance disability wanted friend along everyone else day trying realised bad feeling turned patrick bully always called name pushed hit every time even near course went teacher guess drumroll nothing said help autistic went year year boy class joined called name friend let call one b l hanging b offered sweet one thankful kindness next day b told l stole lost friend another year still nothing one friend call girl liked matured fast hanging asked girlfriend said yes month bullying sad friend happy slowly stopped hanging soon enough started hanging b month later always talking b talked one stopped going outside apart school whenever asked come outside never said yes anymore sunk rabbit hole youtube video p game especially fortnite popular summer holiday went back school gave making friend work year always got mad whenever someone insulted walked classroom still teacher nothing actually called carers said might autism anger issue absolutely ignoring fact bullied right front definitely help teacher class always girl side soon enough felt like wanted murder classmate forgot mention became friend one boy bullied last year really talk much started reading news story depression abuse treatment kid mental health etc came conclusion adult help situation stop anger even started tried stop sleeping thought tired enough brain would weak show emotion soon enough friend get much sleep go outside apart school course half year primary decided gon na better actually work got level subject talked friend became friend b fight stopped friend year teacher true problem patrick course let call teacher one c one hated intentionally made fun fact dad left mother born also heard patrick call name hit breathe face multiple time burst room went outside found acted like know happened deliberately said get back inside call dad made angry shouted right face went back inside angrily patrick still annoyed still teacher ignored covid erupted went school great skip primary patrick finally started getting trouble one teacher teacher c actually getting trouble came plan decided tell teacher c go home kill themself happened teacher c went watering eye head teacher came said patrick nice say teacher c still got trouble gave stopping nothing much happened year still bullied tuned since care anymore could get angry anymore anger used people call emo long fringe one want friend everyone annoys reason primary school friend longer talking gave depression -"im 23, recently got fired from my job (unfairly) that i absolutely loved. i've spent the last 2 months trying to apply for jobs, but only wanting to apply to things that sparked my interest, which were slim to none. i applied to 2 positions with my favourite clothing company and was really excited about the opportunity, and after over a month of interviews i have been turned down for both. they say that my ""skills and qualifications"" dont align with the job, however if anything im extremely qualified (maybe over qualified) for both. i've been having a really hard time mentally recently and this is the cherry on top. - -i went to school for fashion, and only got a diploma. i dont know what to do from here, im feeling extremely discouraged and down about myself. almost like im literally not good enough for anything. it feels like my life is going no where, ill live at home with my parents forever, and im just gonna rot away. i really dont know what to do. i seriously feel like im going no where in life. im not qualified for anything really in my field, they all require diplomas. do i just work random jobs for the rest of my life and feel even worse just so i can have some sort of income?",1,im recently got fired job unfairly absolutely loved spent last month trying apply job wanting apply thing sparked interest slim none applied position favourite clothing company really excited opportunity month interview turned say skill qualification dont align job however anything im extremely qualified maybe qualified really hard time mentally recently cherry top went school fashion got diploma dont know im feeling extremely discouraged almost like im literally good enough anything feel like life going ill live home parent forever im gon na rot away really dont know seriously feel like im going life im qualified anything really field require diploma work random job rest life feel even worse sort income -"I'm tired, depressed, and can't go through this alone anymore. I haven't been kind to myself. -I've taken a pill because I don't want to stay awake even though it's really early. -Can you leave me a comment so that I won't wake up to zero notifications? Maybe something to make me get out of the bed a little easier?",1,tired depressed go alone anymore kind taken pill want stay awake even though really early leave comment wake zero notification maybe something make get bed little easier -"nobody likes me all my friends are assholes and just make fun of me isk if they think it's cool or something but it's really annoying i'm thinking of dropping them, i'm fat and annoying, my grandfathers in the hospital and my family is a complete mess, i have no faith for anything and the only thing keeping me alive is a concert, i'm not gonna hurt myself, just sucks being this way yk, so much mores going on but i only wanna talk about the loneliness right now.",1,nobody like friend asshole make fun isk think cool something really annoying thinking dropping fat annoying grandfather hospital family complete mess faith anything thing keeping alive concert gon na hurt suck way yk much more going wan na talk loneliness right -"21M and I did what I wanted to in life. Grew up poor. Got an education. Make tons of money. Hit the top of ladder in a respect profession. - -And I'm not happy. I'm not rich. But money isn't as a big a concern as it used to be. I have a job I like sometimes, but the realities of it are physically and mentally destroying. - -I have good friends and am finding myself making more as I go. - -But I'm miserable. Completely miserable. - -I was told that you become successful, you work hard and have good morals, invest in your friends, develop hobbies, and fulfillment and happiness come as a by product. - -But when in the actual fuck does this fullfillent and happiness come?",1,wanted life grew poor got education make ton money hit top ladder respect profession happy rich money big concern used job like sometimes reality physically mentally destroying good friend finding making go miserable completely miserable told become successful work hard good moral invest friend develop hobby fulfillment happiness come product actual fuck fullfillent happiness come -"So a couple months ago I finally had the courage to tell my girlfriend I was cutting myself. (We've since broken up but that doesn't matter too much) she expressed her sympathies but then abruptly got up to go to the bathroom. I was concerned but she told me not to follow because this was at school and I wouldn't be allowed, so I trusted that her bladder just had terrible timing so I waited. After a couple minutes go by I start to get worried, and that's when the teacher tells me that she found her crying in the bathroom and sent her to the counsellors office and I should go check on her. - -I go to find her, and she tells me that she had a panic attack because she has trauma related to self harm. I'm obviously concerned for her, but at the same time I'm so angry she didn't even tell me anything was wrong. We talk for a bit and cry a lot, but then the counsellor says they want to talk to her and I should get back to my class. - -So I go back to class and I have to pretend that everything's ok, that I haven't been experiencing the lowest point of my mental health ever, and I have to go through it alone. Eventually she comes back, but only to grab her things. She tells me she's going home because she already had a bad morning, and that it's not my fault. - -All I wanted was for someone to be there for me, and the only person I could talk to just left. I can't talk to counsellors because I'm terrified of what would happen if my parents found out. - -This happened months ago and I'm still so angry at this, I don't even talk to her anymore but I don't know how to deal with this",1,couple month ago finally courage tell girlfriend cutting since broken matter much expressed sympathy abruptly got go bathroom concerned told follow school allowed trusted bladder terrible timing waited couple minute go start get worried teacher tell found cry bathroom sent counsellor office go check go find tell panic attack trauma related self harm obviously concerned time angry even tell anything wrong talk bit cry lot counsellor say want talk get back class go back class pretend everything ok experiencing lowest point mental health ever go alone eventually come back grab thing tell going home already bad morning fault wanted someone person could talk left talk counsellor terrified would happen parent found happened month ago still angry even talk anymore know deal -"Legitimate question, I'm not trying to be close-minded or anything. I got referred to a therapy clinic by a friend of mine and I have been doing weekly sessions for a month now. I don't feel any better and to be honest, I kind of dread my therapy sessions because they leave me feeling even more helpless and empty. I think my therapist isn't the best (PhD student in training) but I feel so bad saying that since I know she's there to help me. People have told me to change therapists but JESUS CHRIST I can't bring myself to do it because I feel bad (I put myself in her shoes) + I honestly don't know if I'm being impatient about all this, since I've heard therapy takes many sessions to help at all. - -Anyways, I went to therapy because I was fed up with life after dealing with anxiety and depression symptoms for years and I wanted to take my friend's advice. Also, my depression symptoms have been worse even though my QoL has been better overall. I let my therapist know that nothing triggered my depressive episode this time around and that my mind is just painfully empty, feels like someone is constricting my brain, and I feel lethargic all the time but all she does is ask ""What do you mean by that?"" Sorry if I'm writing too much in one post but I heard therapists aren't supposed to give advice.. so what exactly can she do for me? She does CBT sometimes like when I told her that everyone in the room judges me for the way I walk and talk, to which she says ""Who told you that?"" ""Are you sure you're not judging them first?"" which does make my question myself slightly but that's all. Nothing that I can actively implement to help me counter those thoughts. But then again, I have no idea what I'm supposed to take from my sessions and would appreciate your guys' feedback/ any experiences you want to share. - -&#x200B; - -\*edit: Sorry, wanted to clear up that I haven't been formally diagnosed with anything so I'm not 100% sure if I had a depressive episode. I had to ask my therapist to refer me to a psychiatrist (didn't seem like she was going to) since I wanted a proper assesment.",1,legitimate question trying close minded anything got referred therapy clinic friend mine weekly session month feel better honest kind dread therapy session leave feeling even helpless empty think therapist best phd student training feel bad saying since know help people told change therapist jesus christ bring feel bad put shoe honestly know impatient since heard therapy take many session help anyways went therapy fed life dealing anxiety depression symptom year wanted take friend advice also depression symptom worse even though qol better overall let therapist know nothing triggered depressive episode time around mind painfully empty feel like someone constricting brain feel lethargic time ask mean sorry writing much one post heard therapist supposed give advice exactly cbt sometimes like told everyone room judge way walk talk say told sure judging first make question slightly nothing actively implement help counter thought idea supposed take session would appreciate guy feedback experience want share amp x 00b edit sorry wanted clear formally diagnosed anything 00 sure depressive episode ask therapist refer psychiatrist seem like going since wanted proper assesment -"I’m on this team project and the project manager is super toxic. I constantly feel like I am a burden and that I have to pretend to be working. -Every morning there is stand-up and I have a mental breakdown because I haven’t done anything. -I have started seeing my therapist again but I just don’t know what to do about this. I honestly feel like I have to quit my job but I don’t have another job. I am totally screwed with no way out.",1,team project project manager super toxic constantly feel like burden pretend working every morning stand mental breakdown done anything started seeing therapist know honestly feel like quit job another job totally screwed way -"My adult child with depression is very challenging to deal with. I realize that she has depression, but she refuses to get a job & expects us to pay for her living expenses in an apartment. When we bring it up, she cuts us off. I feel bad because I know doing new things can be difficult especially for someone with depression and anxiety, but i cannot afford to pay for my daughter's apartment and my apartment (she is finished with school in august with a college degree). I offered for her to move into my apartment, but she won't. Now, she isn't talking to me because of asking her to get a job, but i'm still paying for everything because I dont' know what else to do.",1,adult child depression challenging deal realize depression refuse get job amp expects u pay living expense apartment bring cut u feel bad know new thing difficult especially someone depression anxiety afford pay daughter apartment apartment finished school august college degree offered move apartment talking asking get job still paying everything dont know else -"i fell pain on my left chest and on my left back - -when i looking for an answer on google, I feel it's a symptom of heart disease (my mother also has this, and as far as I know heart disease can be inherited) - -I didn't dare to go to the doctor, because in our family there is a saying that says ""it's better not to know""",1,fell pain left chest left back looking answer google feel symptom heart disease mother also far know heart disease inherited dare go doctor family saying say better know -"I feel so sad and lonely. So I am a student at a university. Now I am an international student and I came to this country last year. - -I am kind of shy and always chose to keep the feelings to myself than speak out. There was one girl in my class that I liked. She was smart and intelligent. Rather than anything romantic, I thought we could be friends. But I did not approach her till the end of the semester. On one of the final days, I was like I can't always be scared to express. So I went upto her and asked her contact details. We talked a bit and she asked if I wanna go for a movie. We went the next week and it was fun. It was a good to have a friend in a foreign country. We went out a few times after that as well. - -Then, she had COVID and I tried to give her some advice and said that I was stifling her even though I had just told her to take care of herself. The next day she said that she has issues that she needs to sort out and wants space. Being a friend, I didn't understand what issues or what did I do but I did not message her. - -A week later, she messages me back in a good mood and says that let's watch something and we watch a movie at her home. I cook for her at her place and I think she enjoyed as well. She does some paintings and showed me those. So I asked are these just for you and then she said that she shared it on instagram by her pseudonym and feels good when her internet friends appreciate it. I did not read too much into what internet friends meant. - -2 days later, I was scrolling through instagram when it occurred to me to look her paintings up. So I searched her pseudonym and found that it was a public profile and saw that she had posted a painting. I like it so I messaged her on whatsapp where we usually chatted that hey I saw your painting and what I liked about it. - -Something flipped her off and she said that her internet persona is different than the real life persona and what I did was a big mistake and she does not want to talk anymore. I was like I did not about this internet persona thing and you had said you shared it with your friends. But if it is that big an issue I am sorry and will not look at your paintings. And then she was so rude, she said that it was the last chance she gave me but me explaining why I looked was too much. I did not respond anything as I was so hurt. I did not even do anything bad or something to intentionally hurt her. I did not message her anything for 5 weeks. I did not look at her whatsapp. I just tried to forget her. Around 3 days ago in a moment of weakness, I searched her name and see that she has blocked me on whatsapp. I didn't even do anything after she said all that. - -I got very depressed and wrote her a long message on text. This was the message: - -""Hello - - -Please read this. That is my only request. - - -Yesterday I had tried to message you on whatsapp asking how you were and saw that you have blocked me. You can block me here and everywhere else as well after this. I just want you to read what was in my mind when we were talking from the day we had started talking. I do not know what all bad things you think about me but atleast from my side I had always wanted to be a good friend and never had any bad thoughts. I had fun on each of our meetings. - -I have been continuously thinking for the last month what did I do wrong as you never told me and just shut me off. Maybe these were the reasons. I don't even know. I can't even think properly. - -I thought that we were very alike. I honestly thought we could be good friends. Two introverts who want to be better at their craft and helping each other out through tough school. Again, I do not know what all notions you had about my intentions but I did not want to be more than friends, if you ever felt that way. I am a new guy in this country. There are many things I have not even understood here. Having a relationship or a girlfriend is the last thing on my mind. I don't even have friends here to share stuff. So, I never wanted anything more than just being friends who could help each other whenever they needed, or share things about life, courses. Maybe take some advice on what to do in certain aspects of life. Things that normal friends do and maybe I was selfish to have looked for that friend in you. - - -You had said that I did not deserve to be a friend the last time we talked. There has not been a day when I did not think what did I do wrong that I am not even worth a friendship. I think that I had probably messaged you more than what you wanted as a friend. I don't know. You never told me that. I thought everything was normal. Whenever something came to my mind or I watched some video that I liked on YouTube I used to send it to you. I think I should not have done that and maybe you didn't like that. I just did that because I wanted to share things with you that I admired so that those things may bring happiness to you as well.  - - -The other reason was that I looked at your paintings on Instagram. I am sorry that I looked at your Instagram profile to appreciate your paintings.  I did not have any wrong intentions. I was just curious and had thought you would like it as you had said that you like it when your friends appreciate your art. I was not aware of internet persona being different from real life persona. I am not a bad person. I just wanted to be a friend and someone you could trust.  - - -I am not writing this to you for any response or for being friends because I don't think I have any respect in your eyes and I have lost much of my self respect in my own eyes after how many times I have tried to apologize. Honestly, for last 5 weeks, I didn't even look for you on whatsapp as it was soul crushing to read how you had said that I blew the chance of being a friend. And I think it is best that you do not respond to me as I cannot feel more pathetic and worse about myself trying to mend the bridges which never even existed.  - - -I just want to say that I am sorry if I ever hurt you or made you feel bad. I always wanted to be good and make you happy as a friend. I never had any malice or any bad intentions. I never wanted to be someone who you despise this much. - -I am just sorry and I will be really grateful if you could just let me know what I did. "" - -I texted her this and And then she texted back don't say ""if"", Own up to your mistakes and now she will block me in text as well. I am not even sure what I did. And I feel depressed, lonely and sad. - -I have never felt like this.",1,feel sad lonely student university international student came country last year kind shy always chose keep feeling speak one girl class liked smart intelligent rather anything romantic thought could friend approach till end semester one final day like always scared express went upto asked contact detail talked bit asked wan na go movie went next week fun good friend foreign country went time well covid tried give advice said stifling even though told take care next day said issue need sort want space friend understand issue message week later message back good mood say let watch something watch movie home cook place think enjoyed well painting showed asked said shared instagram pseudonym feel good internet friend appreciate read much internet friend meant day later scrolling instagram occurred look painting searched pseudonym found public profile saw posted painting like messaged whatsapp usually chatted hey saw painting liked something flipped said internet persona different real life persona big mistake want talk anymore like internet persona thing said shared friend big issue sorry look painting rude said last chance gave explaining looked much respond anything hurt even anything bad something intentionally hurt message anything week look whatsapp tried forget around day ago moment weakness searched name see blocked whatsapp even anything said got depressed wrote long message text message hello please read request yesterday tried message whatsapp asking saw blocked block everywhere else well want read mind talking day started talking know bad thing think atleast side always wanted good friend never bad thought fun meeting continuously thinking last month wrong never told shut maybe reason even know even think properly thought alike honestly thought could good friend two introvert want better craft helping tough school know notion intention want friend ever felt way new guy country many thing even understood relationship girlfriend last thing mind even friend share stuff never wanted anything friend could help whenever needed share thing life course maybe take advice certain aspect life thing normal friend maybe selfish looked friend said deserve friend last time talked day think wrong even worth friendship think probably messaged wanted friend know never told thought everything normal whenever something came mind watched video liked youtube used send think done maybe like wanted share thing admired thing may bring happiness well reason looked painting instagram sorry looked instagram profile appreciate painting wrong intention curious thought would like said like friend appreciate art aware internet persona different real life persona bad person wanted friend someone could trust writing response friend think respect eye lost much self respect eye many time tried apologize honestly last week even look whatsapp soul crushing read said blew chance friend think best respond feel pathetic worse trying mend bridge never even existed want say sorry ever hurt made feel bad always wanted good make happy friend never malice bad intention never wanted someone despise much sorry really grateful could let know texted texted back say mistake block text well even sure feel depressed lonely sad never felt like -"Hi. I am 27 male . I used to have a very emotional side but for the last 1 year or so I am not able to feel sad . Especially for others (sympathy) . I used to cry when my best friend cried to me about her break up . But now I couldn’t shed a single tear during my grandfathers death . I hated the feeling . Did I stop loving my grandfather ? . Even then why didn’t I feel sad when I saw my mother cry . She is the first person I don’t want to see cry . Off late I feel it’s affecting my friendships as well . Just to be clear it’s not a overall numbness . I still feel happiness, anger and other emotions . But this is really frustrating . Especially when I am getting into a relationship for the first time in my life . I keep questioning my love for people . I keep asking myself If I can’t feel sad for them do I really love them?",1,hi male used emotional side last year able feel sad especially others sympathy used cry best friend cried break shed single tear grandfather death hated feeling stop loving grandfather even feel sad saw mother cry first person want see cry late feel affecting friendship well clear overall numbness still feel happiness anger emotion really frustrating especially getting relationship first time life keep questioning love people keep asking feel sad really love -"I’m at a very weird place in my life right now. I’m a 21 year old male in college. I’m failing my college classes as I have no motivation to do well in them, I have a very poor relationship with my parents and family, the one organization in my college that I’m extremely involved with has cut ties with me over accusations that are not true (I have a leadership role in this organization and being a leader in the organization with no prior experience has brought me a ton of haters and people that just want to see my downfall), I literally have no future as I’m supposed to graduate this semester and get a job but I am nowhere near both, I can’t pursue my real passion, and to top it all of and what really might put me over the edge is problems with this woman in my life. We met through this organization that I was talking about earlier in this text, as a captain, I have my own committee of people that I oversee and she was one of my committee members. The first time we hung out in October, she took me out to a bar after I turned 21, it was just me and her. We quickly started to develop this really cool friendship where’d we hangout and talk almost daily. As a young man hopeless in love, I started to develop feelings but nothing crazy because I almost always saw her as a best friend first and I’m sure she felt the same way. Then we were at a bar about a month ago, she was talking to some guy at the bar and I was having a funny conversation with my friends but I could see from the corner of my eye that she was talking to this man and that’s when I first started feeling these feelings of jealousy but I could tell she was looking at me too talking to my friends. And she came to me and we embraced and I hugged her almost all night, had my arms around her and everything and she had her hands over mine too and we just kept feeling each other. This was the first time we ever moved into this phase of our friendship and I think we both felt something brewing in our hearts for one another. A few days went by and I was out yet again, talking to this other chick I met at the bar and we ended up almost hooking up back at my place but I couldn’t go through with it because all I could think about was my best friend who I really liked. I’m an introvert at heart and will always keep my feelings inside because I’m scared to tell people how I feel and I suppress those feelings but literally the next day after this hookup that didn’t happen, I was at a friend’s 21st birthday party and got hammered myself and I had this urge of wanting to tell my best friend how I truly felt about her and that’s exactly what I did. It was a Thursday night, she always goes to this one specific club on Thursday nights so I ditched my friends and went to that club to see her and it literally played out like a romantic film… she was the first person I saw when I walked in and went up to her and for the first time in my life, I poured my heart out to her and told her how i felt about her and how she makes me feel and at first she was shocked and then she said she felt the same way and we kissed for a long time. At this moment, I was on cloud 9, I had never had a girlfriend before, had never been in a relationship before, but in this moment, it was just me and her against the world and I loved it. We started to head back to my apartment, but the alcohol was kicking in for me and I passed out once I got back to my apartment. I woke up the next day and saw her heels on the floor but she was nowhere to be found. So I texted her and told her that I was sorry for passing out from the alcohol but I meant every word I told her last night. She didn’t text me back till later that day and she said that she was thinking about it all day and night and she didn’t want to fuck up our friendship as it’s one of the few good things in her life right now and I totally get that… was I disappointed hearing this, yeah of course I was but I texted her back saying that we can talk about this in-person another time but for right now, enjoy your weekend. The next day, we saw each other at a party and I talked to her outside and told her that I’d rather say we tried to make it work and it didn’t rather than not giving us a chance at all and she never gave me a clear answer. She texted me later that night saying that she needed a break and some time to think so I said okay. A few days later, we had our last committee meeting and it was so awkward cause we hadn’t talked before and we were on this so called “break” and after the meeting ended, she immediately left even though she usually waits for me. I got a text from her later that night around 2am saying that this letter I wrote for everyone on my committee was very sweet and cute and I asked her how long this “break” should last and she said she wasn’t sure as she didn’t want me to think that she was leading me on which I thought she was doing. So we hopped on this FaceTime call and had a really nice, long conversation about all the stuff we had to catch up on and then after an hour I switched the topic back to our relationship and she basically said that she didn’t feel the same way. I was so hurt when she said this because all the signs pointed to her liking me too and I really felt like I knew what her heart was saying. We both went to sleep crying that night for each other. The next day, I sent her a text this time saying that I do need some space to figure things out and we can talk after spring break. So for the next week, we didn’t talk, she didn’t view my stories, like any of my social media posts, and just simply didn’t communicate with each other and it was one of the worst things for me to go through as she was someone I really looked forward to talking to and to not be able to do that just sucked. The Sunday before we came back to college, I texted her and asked if she’d be down to hangout that first week we got back and she said she was down to do so and I was so happy because it felt like I was getting my friend back again. But then a few days later, she angrily texts me asking if I told anyone that we hooked up (which isn’t true) and I told her that I didn’t (which is true). There were rumors going around about us from people that saw us hangout a lot, that saw us embrace at the bars, that saw us kiss at the club, and saw us walk back to my apartment together so people could only assume that we were a thing. And I kept telling her that but she wasn’t having it. She FaceTimed me saying that she regretted ever kissing me, she didn’t want to be friends anymore and all this shit. I was extremely hurt hearing this and just wanted my friend back and wanted to forget ever opening up my feelings for her. So I sent her a really long text explaining that I never said anything, that I really cared about her, and just wanted my best friend back. She responded by saying that she appreciated me reaching out and that she was over the situation and that she’s not ready to move forward with me and doesn’t think our friendship will ever be the same. So I texted her this morning and I said I get it and if there was any way we could meet in person and just talk. She responded back by saying that she’s potentially open to it but not now, maybe next week so I said, I just genuinely need someone to talk to but I understand her. The last text she sent me was “I don’t think I can be that person for you anymore. I’m sorry.” I am heartbroken, devastated, and hopeless. Angry at myself, angry at this world, and I just want to leave. I have no direction in life, no one to turn to anymore, and I just want to end it all as soon as possible.",1,weird place life right year old male college failing college class motivation well poor relationship parent family one organization college extremely involved cut tie accusation true leadership role organization leader organization prior experience brought ton hater people want see downfall literally future supposed graduate semester get job nowhere near pursue real passion top really might put edge problem woman life met organization talking earlier text captain committee people oversee one committee member first time hung october took bar turned quickly started develop really cool friendship hangout talk almost daily young man hopeless love started develop feeling nothing crazy almost always saw best friend first sure felt way bar month ago talking guy bar funny conversation friend could see corner eye talking man first started feeling feeling jealousy could tell looking talking friend came embraced hugged almost night arm around everything hand mine kept feeling first time ever moved phase friendship think felt something brewing heart one another day went yet talking chick met bar ended almost hooking back place go could think best friend really liked introvert heart always keep feeling inside scared tell people feel suppress feeling literally next day hookup happen friend st birthday party got hammered urge wanting tell best friend truly felt exactly thursday night always go one specific club thursday night ditched friend went club see literally played like romantic film first person saw walked went first time life poured heart told felt make feel first shocked said felt way kissed long time moment cloud 9 never girlfriend never relationship moment world loved started head back apartment alcohol kicking passed got back apartment woke next day saw heel floor nowhere found texted told sorry passing alcohol meant every word told last night text back till later day said thinking day night want fuck friendship one good thing life right totally get disappointed hearing yeah course texted back saying talk person another time right enjoy weekend next day saw party talked outside told rather say tried make work rather giving u chance never gave clear answer texted later night saying needed break time think said okay day later last committee meeting awkward cause talked called break meeting ended immediately left even though usually wait got text later night around saying letter wrote everyone committee sweet cute asked long break last said sure want think leading thought hopped facetime call really nice long conversation stuff catch hour switched topic back relationship basically said feel way hurt said sign pointed liking really felt like knew heart saying went sleep cry night next day sent text time saying need space figure thing talk spring break next week talk view story like social medium post simply communicate one worst thing go someone really looked forward talking able sucked sunday came back college texted asked hangout first week got back said happy felt like getting friend back day later angrily text asking told anyone hooked true told true rumor going around u people saw u hangout lot saw u embrace bar saw u kiss club saw u walk back apartment together people could assume thing kept telling facetimed saying regretted ever kissing want friend anymore shit extremely hurt hearing wanted friend back wanted forget ever opening feeling sent really long text explaining never said anything really cared wanted best friend back responded saying appreciated reaching situation ready move forward think friendship ever texted morning said get way could meet person talk responded back saying potentially open maybe next week said genuinely need someone talk understand last text sent think person anymore sorry heartbroken devastated hopeless angry angry world want leave direction life one turn anymore want end soon possible - F20 I'm feeling very lonely. I need someone to talk to,1,f 0 feeling lonely need someone talk -"Idk what the fuck is wrong with me. I can't fucking learn, it feels so painful, I can't concentrate, I eat so much sweets until I want to vomit, I'm extremely depressed, I can't do anything, it hurts so much to be alive, every day is so fucking painful to get through, I want it to end so bad, I'm in a fucking nightmare, I feel like a retard, I can't ask for help, I really don't know how I will get through anything. I'm at home all the time, I have to join a university and learn but it feels like walking through fire. Wtf can I do. I have appointment with psychiatrist but I feel like I should be in a fucking hospital. Fuck I want to fucking tell my mother but I fucking don't know what can I say I don't know how can I help myself, I wish I had an easy way to kill myself. I don't even know if anything can fix me.",1,idk fuck wrong fucking learn feel painful concentrate eat much sweet want vomit extremely depressed anything hurt much alive every day fucking painful get want end bad fucking nightmare feel like retard ask help really know get anything home time join university learn feel like walking fire wtf appointment psychiatrist feel like fucking hospital fuck want fucking tell mother fucking know say know help wish easy way kill even know anything fix -"i cant put the feelings i feel into words. im stuck in an endless cycle of dopamine consumption. all i do is work, school, scroll. i have no hobbies, no interests, nothing brings me joy. but i dont have the motivation to actually do anything. i think im depressed, but i dont want to go back into therapy/psychiatry because im tired of feeling like a patient. even writing this is tiring and i cant thinj of how i could describe my conditon. my dad tells me he's proud of me for doing basic things like showering or going to school. everyone's expectations of me went from sky high to so, so very low in a matter of 10 years. i hate it. i dont know where i went. im just empty now.",1,cant put feeling feel word im stuck endless cycle dopamine consumption work school scroll hobby interest nothing brings joy dont motivation actually anything think im depressed dont want go back therapy psychiatry im tired feeling like patient even writing tiring cant thinj could describe conditon dad tell proud basic thing like showering going school everyone expectation went sky high low matter 0 year hate dont know went im empty -"I shower and wash my hair (naturally curly so it’s a WHOLE routine), do my skin care routine and feel good for a day or two. then I just… don’t even want to do it again. I stop washing my hair for a week or two, I completely stop taking care of my skin, I fall off my ”routines” until I get that motivation back to do it again. I’m getting SO tired of this. :( I miss how soft and fluffy my hair feels after washing it. I miss how clean and soft my face feels after exfoliating / moisturizing!! I wish I could do this everyday, but I just fall off. I get so depressed and watch my hair and skin turn into exactly how I feel. - -for the past few days now, I haven’t even been able to get out of bed. I lay there, *wanting* to do things but I just don’t get up. it feels like there’s so much weight on top of me, just holding me down. the only one good thing I did yesterday was getting up to wash the dishes. I like celebrating the smaller things, but I’m kinda getting tired of that… I wish I didn’t have to. I wish I was functioning like everyone else. I wish living didn’t feel like such a chore. - -I seriously wish I could give my life to someone who wants to live this out. anyone else probably would’ve made better choices to get out of my situation and much earlier, too. I feel so useless. - -if anyone’s got tips for the getting back into routine thing, please throw anything you’ve got at me. thank you for reading.",1,shower wash hair naturally curly whole routine skin care routine feel good day two even want stop washing hair week two completely stop taking care skin fall routine get motivation back getting tired miss soft fluffy hair feel washing miss clean soft face feel exfoliating moisturizing wish could everyday fall get depressed watch hair skin turn exactly feel past day even able get bed lay wanting thing get feel like much weight top holding one good thing yesterday getting wash dish like celebrating smaller thing kinda getting tired wish wish functioning like everyone else wish living feel like chore seriously wish could give life someone want live anyone else probably would made better choice get situation much earlier feel useless anyone got tip getting back routine thing please throw anything got thank reading -"i’m sorry. sometimes i don’t feel much, i wish i did. i wish i was better for you. i wish i could always try my hardest and make things better. i wish i wasn’t bad. i’d do anything to make myself better for you. i’m sorry. i’ve cried more than i’d like and felt a lot lately, i wish i could feel a lot, a lot of the time. i truly am sorry.",1,sorry sometimes feel much wish wish better wish could always try hardest make thing better wish bad anything make better sorry cried like felt lot lately wish could feel lot lot time truly sorry -fuck everything. I’m done.,1,fuck everything done -"I’m 17 and I’ve wished I was dead for the last two years of my life. - -I pushed away all of my friends who could understand what I’m going through. I’m failing all my classes because all of my motivation and hope is drained. I don’t feel like I can tell anyone what I’m really going through. - -I had all the makings of a perfect childhood, I was smart, I had friends, and I had a good family with enough money to live in a nice suburban neighborhood. I threw all of it away because suddenly I didn’t feel wanted any longer. - -I don’t know what to do anymore. The things ive used to cope are slowly being taken away in the hope my grades will rise. I’ve become emotionally numb to everything around me. I don’t think I’ll ever find love because of how quiet and secluded I’ve become. - -I’ve stopped trying to make things better in my life. - -I just needed to get some of this out so thanks.",1,wished dead last two year life pushed away friend could understand going failing class motivation hope drained feel like tell anyone really going making perfect childhood smart friend good family enough money live nice suburban neighborhood threw away suddenly feel wanted longer know anymore thing ive used cope slowly taken away hope grade rise become emotionally numb everything around think ever find love quiet secluded become stopped trying make thing better life needed get thanks -" - -So in the next chapter of wanting to kill myself, the psychiatrist changed my medication, and as a result, I am currently prescribed these two new bad boys. Has anyone had any luck with them?",1,next chapter wanting kill psychiatrist changed medication result currently prescribed two new bad boy anyone luck -"I am finally checking myself into the hospital for suicidal ideation. I don't think they will be able to help me, but at least I will be safe and not a risk to anyone else. - -I am pretty scared it will be the end of my marriage. Maybe of my job. I put this off for a long time. But I am not safe. - -I wish so badly I had never been born.",1,finally checking hospital suicidal ideation think able help least safe risk anyone else pretty scared end marriage maybe job put long time safe wish badly never born -"Well, hello everyone, i'm in a bit of a crossroads in life, I'm 25 years and currently in my 3rd year of law school, but I will have to repeat it probably again, because of slacking off. It all started during the pandemic, when University switched to online mode, I slowly slided into video game addiction and eventually depression, I got very behind on my studies, and nearly forgot the things I learned in the past, now that uni has started to have live lessons my body and my mind are still living in pandemic lockdown mode, I go to part-time work in retail to sustain myself, but other than that I choose to skip classes almost entirely , I started being afraid of University itself, lost all interest, before the pandemic I was very keen on my studies.Every time I look any of my friends up , I get a panic attack cause I feel like life is moving on , and i'm, stuck between these dormitory walls, cause basically all my peers from high school have graduated or are other way succesful in their lives, already have purchased homes of their own, etc. I'm in this limbo for 6 years now, last week I kind of had a mental breakdown , I don't know if it was a side effect of the rabies vaccine I took not so long ago, cause the doctor told me to avoid any alcohol , stressing for at least a month, i dont drink at all but stress alot about my past and the future. But after the so called mental breakdown ,I decided enough is enough and it's time to part ways with my studies, I called up a relative of mine , that would vouch for me in a job interview for a international cargo transportation company and let me try out as a intern sales manager , tought this could be a interesting choice for me , cause I speak 3 languages 2 of them very common (i live in Europe). But i'm now in the last step of leaving Uni almost got all affairs in order , and went to, in my mind to the last chess practice in the evening, i'm also an avid chess player, been playing all my life. And after the training session , I discussed my plans with my chess coach, which opinion i value very much. Told about how I feel , and he urged me to stay, my main point was that I'm not progressing in life , and he motivated , that I'll get through this and that he know many people who spent 10 years until they have finished University , that he would help me anyway he can , ect. And walking from practice i had a chat with some colleagues from the chess club on my way home , just about casual stuff, and it hit me, that I don't want to leave this place, these people , and want to persue the dream diploma. And when I entered my dorm room , it hit me again, the same place, with the same room mate,who I have seen for the last 3 years who I admit is a bad influence, cause he gave up on his studies long ago , has a full time, semi dead end job, and spends his off days playing video games all day. So before going to bed, I jumped on my laptop, created a reddit account and started writting this text. Sorry that it is kind of a mess, cause i'm just typing my heart out. I suspect also that i'm kind of a bipolar guy, cause of constant mood swings ,between motyvation and helplesness, also possible ADD, but never diagnosed, never considered psych evaluation an option, cause it could disqualify me from numerous positions in Law sphere of employment. - -My parents suggest I change my living location from the dormitory, and rent a private room somewhere in town, as of this moment I have conflicting thoughts about trying to get out of this mess by finishing what I have started , or just leaving everything after 6 years and starting new, without a degree. I feel atached to this place, but I also im sure it's killing me. - -Regards, - -A depressed Law student",1,well hello everyone bit crossroad life year currently rd year law school repeat probably slacking started pandemic university switched online mode slowly slided video game addiction eventually depression got behind study nearly forgot thing learned past uni started live lesson body mind still living pandemic lockdown mode go part time work retail sustain choose skip class almost entirely started afraid university lost interest pandemic keen study every time look friend get panic attack cause feel like life moving stuck dormitory wall cause basically peer high school graduated way succesful life already purchased home etc limbo year last week kind mental breakdown know side effect rabies vaccine took long ago cause doctor told avoid alcohol stressing least month dont drink stress alot past future called mental breakdown decided enough enough time part way study called relative mine would vouch job interview international cargo transportation company let try intern sale manager tought could interesting choice cause speak language common live europe last step leaving uni almost got affair order went mind last chess practice evening also avid chess player playing life training session discussed plan chess coach opinion value much told feel urged stay main point progressing life motivated get know many people spent 0 year finished university would help anyway ect walking practice chat colleague chess club way home casual stuff hit want leave place people want persue dream diploma entered dorm room hit place room mate seen last year admit bad influence cause gave study long ago full time semi dead end job spends day playing video game day going bed jumped laptop created reddit account started writting text sorry kind mess cause typing heart suspect also kind bipolar guy cause constant mood swing motyvation helplesness also possible add never diagnosed never considered psych evaluation option cause could disqualify numerous position law sphere employment parent suggest change living location dormitory rent private room somewhere town moment conflicting thought trying get mess finishing started leaving everything year starting new without degree feel atached place also im sure killing regard depressed law student -"I will always be a loser and nothing can change it. - -If I become a billionaire, if I date the most beautiful woman, I will always be a sad loser. It doesn't matter. - -Woman will always see me as an inferior person, even if they like me.",1,always loser nothing change become billionaire date beautiful woman always sad loser matter woman always see inferior person even like -"I'll try to keep it as short as possible. For the past year i have been struggling with frequent waves of deep depression, lasting for days or weeks, but at the same time i have times where im just ok, dont have any self esteem issues, self image issues and etc. -So in the end all im trying to figure out if this is normal, or if its a type of depression (though i couldnt find anything similar to it) or bipolar disorder (which also seems somewhat unlikely, because i never have manic or extremly energetic episodes). I just want to know if/what im dealing with so ill have a clearer idea about how to act further",1,try keep short possible past year struggling frequent wave deep depression lasting day week time time im ok dont self esteem issue self image issue etc end im trying figure normal type depression though couldnt find anything similar bipolar disorder also seems somewhat unlikely never manic extremly energetic episode want know im dealing ill clearer idea act -"I finally have something to look forward to. Im starting a garden with my mom, and she's putting me in charge of keeping all of the plants healthy. Im really looking forward to this, and i hope this will help me slowly get better :)",1,finally something look forward im starting garden mom putting charge keeping plant healthy im really looking forward hope help slowly get better - I want to be dead. Ive been suicidal for years. Im such a fucking retard filled with regret and anger. Im done with life. I want all of this to stop. Why I cant do one thing right.,1,want dead ive suicidal year im fucking retard filled regret anger im done life want stop cant one thing right -"I(18m) was waiting in the clinic waiting for my turn, then a young woman who seemed happy came in and sat next to me. a couple of minutes later we started talking. it was less than a month since my first visit. I thought that after a month or two I will be the same person as I was before some events that I don't want to mention here, mainly because it's unrelated to my main question in this post. but a couple of minutes later that thought seemed to be a wish because the mentioned lady said she had been visited by countless doctors, and it is 12 years that she is suffering from depression. I was frightened and wondering if someday I realize 12 years have passed and I'm also still trying to recover my mental health. since that day I have seen some people out there who are under treatment for years or are ""treatment-resistant"". are they special patients or it is true about everyone? how do I know if I'll ever be cured? and if so, how long does it take? it scares me if I have to live with it for the rest of my life hence I'm asking if any hope is there.",1,waiting clinic waiting turn young woman seemed happy came sat next couple minute later started talking le month since first visit thought month two person event want mention mainly unrelated main question post couple minute later thought seemed wish mentioned lady said visited countless doctor year suffering depression frightened wondering someday realize year passed also still trying recover mental health since day seen people treatment year treatment resistant special patient true everyone know ever cured long take scare live rest life hence asking hope -"I have not felt normal in months. I have not had a day in months my chest hasn’t felt like it was compressing on itself. Or a day that my heart doesn’t thud through my chest. - -I tried to figure myself out, I tried to use resources. But its so fucking hard to reach out when you feel like shit 24/7. I attempted via shrooms to figure it out. (fucking stupid to some people I know). Half my trip was good half I shook trapping myself into a corner as my jaw clenched. The next day I felt great, like i conquered something. I told a friend that I didn’t want to die. I want to live. - -Two days later I am screaming in my room pissed off. I hate myself I am actually going to go buy some fucking razors because my huge knife is dull. Its never going to end is it? This fucking demonic shit will never leave me and it makes me feel so horrible. The dread of any task. The feeling no one really wants you there. The anxiety you get when you talk to much about something your passionate about. I can feel when someone distances themselves and they just did. Now my brain goes a million miles an hour wondering what the fuck is wrong with me. I no longer will trust anyone. I can’t take the feeling of it being able to end in disaster. I hate my life, I hate how I hurt people and can’t fix them. I hate how I stared in the mirror tripping balls, but did not feel SCARED. or MAD, or terrified. I looked at a broken man trying to reach out and help the man I saw. The stranger.",1,felt normal month day month chest felt like compressing day heart thud chest tried figure tried use resource fucking hard reach feel like shit attempted via shrooms figure fucking stupid people know half trip good half shook trapping corner jaw clenched next day felt great like conquered something told friend want die want live two day later screaming room pissed hate actually going go buy fucking razor huge knife dull never going end fucking demonic shit never leave make feel horrible dread task feeling one really want anxiety get talk much something passionate feel someone distance brain go million mile hour wondering fuck wrong longer trust anyone take feeling able end disaster hate life hate hurt people fix hate stared mirror tripping ball feel scared mad terrified looked broken man trying reach help man saw stranger -"I wanna start by saying I feel like I have nothing left. I'm 23 and I have no money, broken car, bad job, abusive /toxic friends. I'm so mentally broken I can't hold onto companionships. I need attention 24/7 from the people I love and I go crazy mentally when I'm alone. I've finally reached the point where I can't think straight anymore. I let my friend who I deeply loved and thought was close with me take advantage of me and massively hurt me to a point where I'm getting trauma because of the situation. I got attached online to a bunch of people who wanted to care about me and told me that they ""loved me"" only for me to send selfies and their entire mood change. I feel like a monster. I'm so filled with rage and bitterness and sadness. The things I take enjoyment in make me mad. I constantly check my one friends status every 15 min and see her happy with others and rage just shoots over me. The things they did to me affected me so much mentally and it's making me insane. I can't cope anymore. I need someone new. I need this pain to lessen before I go crazy. What do I do. Please someone tell me",1,wan na start saying feel like nothing left money broken car bad job abusive toxic friend mentally broken hold onto companionship need attention people love go crazy mentally alone finally reached point think straight anymore let friend deeply loved thought close take advantage massively hurt point getting trauma situation got attached online bunch people wanted care told loved send selfies entire mood change feel like monster filled rage bitterness sadness thing take enjoyment make mad constantly check one friend status every min see happy others rage shoot thing affected much mentally making insane cope anymore need someone new need pain lessen go crazy please someone tell -"Sometimes my life seems great and I tend to blow off my emotions to make myself feel better about my current situation. Right after graduating college with honors I suddenly was hit the truth about adulthood. Expectations weren’t suddenly brought up to my face and if I wanted to improve it was completely up to myself if I wanted to reach it, yet I was complacent. I started drinking heavily since I couldn’t depend on weed anymore due to my job search which lead to me getting arrested for a DWI which resulted in me getting fired from my job. $4000 dollars later I met a woman that made me happy with who I was and what I stood for, and I’m about to start a job at a national bank. More recently we’ve started getting into fights and she wants me to get mad at her but I start falling in a self pity party and instead of getting mad at her I tell myself I deserve every bit of anger coming out of her. I cower, and just want things to start getting better emotionally and don’t know how to get there.",1,sometimes life seems great tend blow emotion make feel better current situation right graduating college honor suddenly hit truth adulthood expectation suddenly brought face wanted improve completely wanted reach yet complacent started drinking heavily since depend weed anymore due job search lead getting arrested dwi resulted getting fired job 000 dollar later met woman made happy stood start job national bank recently started getting fight want get mad start falling self pity party instead getting mad tell deserve every bit anger coming cower want thing start getting better emotionally know get -"I am currently a senior at a prestigious college. I worked really hard in high school to get there, living as a lower middle class kid going to a high school that provided terrible education. I never needed a pill or therapy or anything until my first breakup and my first year of college. Something shifted immediately. Suddenly I was depressed. I didn't have any plan for the future (and I still don't). Over the years I used validation from sex with men, social status, and a crippling shopping addiction to deal and it has been in and out but always there. - -I started going on medication in college. I am currently on anti-depressants and Vyvanse as I can no longer find any energy to do a single thing if I don't take it. I hate it- it makes me even more miserable and my mood swings worse, but hey at least I can get out of bed ! Seeing my friends have the energy to go out on weekends, them getting prestigious jobs, being put together and looking at myself who has no job lined up, my partner is amazing but doesn't love me, and I am in a shit ton of financial debt, from personal debt like credit cards to school loans. I really lost any drive I had. I've been unhappy the whole time I've been here for the past 4 years. - -It is absolutely FUCKING EXHAUSTING living like this. My brain is always caught in negative thought loops, I am so stressed that my neck and upper back are in pain, I use Kratom and other anxiety relief to cope. My mood swings are horrible, and even just fucking talking myself down every single day is so tiring. I can't do this anymore. I hate myself so much. I hate my life. I hate my diseased brain. Nothing helps. I'm not even a good person a lot of the time. Knowing that I have to deal with this mental illness while working my entire life is too much to bear. Sometimes I am so angry I hit my head against the wall and hit myself with my hands. I have so much anger and rage inside of me that never goes away. I don't even feel capable of learning anymore-I am convinced my brain can no longer retain information and that I'm just fucking stupid and worthless. I want to die. I really really can't take it much longer.",1,currently senior prestigious college worked really hard high school get living lower middle class kid going high school provided terrible education never needed pill therapy anything first breakup first year college something shifted immediately suddenly depressed plan future still year used validation sex men social status crippling shopping addiction deal always started going medication college currently anti depressant vyvanse longer find energy single thing take hate make even miserable mood swing worse hey least get bed seeing friend energy go weekend getting prestigious job put together looking job lined partner amazing love shit ton financial debt personal debt like credit card school loan really lost drive unhappy whole time past year absolutely fucking exhausting living like brain always caught negative thought loop stressed neck upper back pain use kratom anxiety relief cope mood swing horrible even fucking talking every single day tiring anymore hate much hate life hate diseased brain nothing help even good person lot time knowing deal mental illness working entire life much bear sometimes angry hit head wall hit hand much anger rage inside never go away even feel capable learning anymore convinced brain longer retain information fucking stupid worthless want die really really take much longer -"I'm tired of trying to be happy. I'm tired of seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. After how many half glasses is it acceptable to see them as half empty?? Literally I have so much to say and i can't say a word. - -Small rant. Pardon my sudden lapse.",1,tired trying happy tired seeing light end tunnel many half glass acceptable see half empty literally much say say word small rant pardon sudden lapse -"I had to take my dad off life support in September, my mom almost died, my mom has abandoned me more times than I can count, her and her bf of 10 years and a few other relatives have been so abusive to me. I'm on disability and I'm trying to find my first job at 28, i get interviews but no job yet. I really only have one friend but I think he's trying to distance himself from me. I'm trying to save up for a car so I can drive to work when i get a job. All of this is stressful, I've always felt like a bird in a tiny cage with its wings clipped. My depression is coming back and i have a habit of isolating myself from all communication and I'm feeling the urge to do it again. I need advice on so many things. How to improve life, how to manage my depression and mental stuff. All Advice welcome.",1,take dad life support september mom almost died mom abandoned time count bf 0 year relative abusive disability trying find first job get interview job yet really one friend think trying distance trying save car drive work get job stressful always felt like bird tiny cage wing clipped depression coming back habit isolating communication feeling urge need advice many thing improve life manage depression mental stuff advice welcome -I don't know how I feel my mind is a mess and feelings are confusing I have no idea what I'm doing or how to get better or if I'm even getting better but I don't know anything and this probably makes no sense but I just needed to vent a little.,1,know feel mind mess feeling confusing idea get better even getting better know anything probably make sense needed vent little -"So I was on my way home from the gym and i noticed this guy was driving in the middle of the road. I thought by time i got to him he would have gotten over, but he didn’t. I swerved out of the way at the last second, but i hesitated and was almost ready to just accept my fate. Is this normal?",1,way home gym noticed guy driving middle road thought time got would gotten swerved way last second hesitated almost ready accept fate normal -"I feel like I’m going to go in a bad place mentally. I keep trying to rationalize I can’t control what others do, but I can control what I think and how I behave. It’s hard! The last time my anxiety was this bad I ended up in the ER. I don’t want to get that bad again, but it’s so hard. I hate my mind. I know that this anxiety is just going to put me into a deep depression.",1,feel like going go bad place mentally keep trying rationalize control others control think behave hard last time anxiety bad ended er want get bad hard hate mind know anxiety going put deep depression -" - -So I’ve been browsing this sub for a while, don’t have much to do today so I figured I might as well vent on here. I guess to introduce myself I’m currently 21 and just recently left the active-duty Army to attend college on an ROTC scholarship about 7 months ago. Prior to that, I was deployed to Afghanistan for about 10 months, it’s almost hard to even recall the person I used to be back then. I was so mentally strong and confident in myself and my purpose, ironically despite working 12 hour days seven days a week under constant threat of getting blown up I can’t remember a time when I was better off mentally like nothing in the world could stop me as I had a plan and was going to stick with it and if I did end up getting murked I was just fine with that too. I stayed pretty safe for the most part although I did have a pretty close call with a rocket that landed in a ditch on the hill below the building I worked in. It obviously scared the ever-living fuck out of me and everyone else but after like 20 minutes we were all laughing about how close that one was and how “if only the stupid guy had aimed higher, he would have got us”. The whole affair really only strengthened my resolve and made the return home that much better, getting back to the states was probably the best moment of my life even if it was right in the middle of COVID lol. - -I don’t want to sound like I’m trying to “flex” my great strength or anything I’m just trying to describe who I was then to who am I now as they aren’t even remotely the same person. Problems started to arise for me around 3 months after getting back after the novelty of being back home wore off. I started to experience this weird sense of dissociation and depressive episodes that would sometimes last for an hour to a day and then I would suddenly snap back to what I considered a “normal” state of mind. These normally entailed feelings of hopelessness and dread like something in my head just wasn’t ticking right and when it came to social situations it was like I was operating on a different frequency than everyone else like I could hear and understand them but there was no emotion behind the words. It was distracting but manageable at that point and I just chalked it up to being burned out at work and figured once I got off active duty and into college things would greatly improve. - -Fast forward to the first semester of college and unfortunately, things have not gone as I imagined. In terms of school and finances, I’m doing fine and everything is going according to plan externally but internally I seem to be slowly degrading bit by bit. The depressive episodes became more intense to the point where I would physically lock up, tighten my muscles, grind my teeth and it feels like my head is throbbing from all the negative thoughts. It is nearly impossible to sleep in this state thanks to the extreme anxiety but then I would wake up the next morning and feel fine, barely being able to remember how I felt the night before. The cycle never stopped though, and then the thoughts of “well if you just ended it this wouldn’t be a problem anymore” started to kick in and that’s when it really started to snowball downhill fast. - -At this point in time, it feels like I’m in this depressive state nearly all the time it’s only a matter of how bad it’s going to be today. The dissociative feelings have been cranked up to 11 and conversations just feel like emotionless formalities. I can no longer connect with friends and family the way I used to, like I said earlier it’s like we’re not on the same frequency if that makes any sense. The thoughts of suicide are ever-present and feel like a big red “emergency eject” button begging to be pressed. The only escape from these feelings are partying, drugs, and alcohol which are great temporarily but eventually everyone goes back to their lives, you sober up and reality slaps you in the face even harder than it did last time. I’ve also developed a very odd fear of human intimacy that I really can’t explain. For instance, I’m a virgin which is a huge insecurity of mine and pretty embarrassing I know, I always figured when I’m in college I’ll meet plenty of women so there’s no need to be insecure about it. However, I’ve had several instances where women have come onto me and I’m totally comfortable with the conversation and flirty talk but once it gets physical, even just them grabbing me it triggers this instant fear and panic response and I make up an excuse and leave in a manic state then beat myself up for the next 2 weeks about how much of a pussy I am. This is honestly one of the major contributors to my broken self-image. - -A couple of weeks ago I randomly started bawling in my car for over an hour and honestly don’t even remember why. I’m not eating much anymore maybe only like one meal a day and my cognitive performance/motivation has declined significantly. My sleep schedule is a total mess I’ll either sleep for 3 hours and wake up from nightmares in cold sweat or sleep for 14 and not want to get out of bed and face reality. What really prompted me to post this though was that last week I got really drunk and ended up putting a gun to my head without even thinking about it and then I realized what I was doing. That’s when I kind of told myself holy shit man this is real and something is very wrong with you. I need some kind of help I know but if I’m diagnosed with any kind of mental health condition, I’ll lose my scholarship and I’ve just worked too damn hard for it. I’ve openly told some of my close friends and family directly that I’m having suicidal thoughts but the response is always “oh c’mon man your way too strong for that” or “you’re just in a slump right now it’ll pass”. As much as I appreciate having people who care for me and appreciate the sentiment it doesn’t do much to alleviate anything. - -I feel like I was never meant to live this long and that that rocket was supposed to kill me that day but I’m living in some kind of an alternate reality where I survived and nothing makes sense anymore. At least then I could have died strong and confident rather than broken. I had a friend who was killed over there and honestly, I wish I could trade places with him, he deserves this life more than I do. - -Sorry, I turned this into an essay but it feels good to get this out of my head for once, if you read this long, I hope you can relate or at least get something out of it, and thank you. - -Finally, I’ll leave you with a song I’ve been listening to on repeat for the past week lmao. - -https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=\_KsJrCcZo74",1,browsing sub much today figured might well vent guess introduce currently recently left active duty army attend college rotc scholarship month ago prior deployed afghanistan 0 month almost hard even recall person used back mentally strong confident purpose ironically despite working hour day seven day week constant threat getting blown remember time better mentally like nothing world could stop plan going stick end getting murked fine stayed pretty safe part although pretty close call rocket landed ditch hill building worked obviously scared ever living fuck everyone else like 0 minute laughing close one stupid guy aimed higher would got u whole affair really strengthened resolve made return home much better getting back state probably best moment life even right middle covid lol want sound like trying flex great strength anything trying describe even remotely person problem started arise around month getting back novelty back home wore started experience weird sense dissociation depressive episode would sometimes last hour day would suddenly snap back considered normal state mind normally entailed feeling hopelessness dread like something head ticking right came social situation like operating different frequency everyone else like could hear understand emotion behind word distracting manageable point chalked burned work figured got active duty college thing would greatly improve fast forward first semester college unfortunately thing gone imagined term school finance fine everything going according plan externally internally seem slowly degrading bit bit depressive episode became intense point would physically lock tighten muscle grind teeth feel like head throbbing negative thought nearly impossible sleep state thanks extreme anxiety would wake next morning feel fine barely able remember felt night cycle never stopped though thought well ended problem anymore started kick really started snowball downhill fast point time feel like depressive state nearly time matter bad going today dissociative feeling cranked conversation feel like emotionless formality longer connect friend family way used like said earlier like frequency make sense thought suicide ever present feel like big red emergency eject button begging pressed escape feeling partying drug alcohol great temporarily eventually everyone go back life sober reality slap face even harder last time also developed odd fear human intimacy really explain instance virgin huge insecurity mine pretty embarrassing know always figured college meet plenty woman need insecure however several instance woman come onto totally comfortable conversation flirty talk get physical even grabbing trigger instant fear panic response make excuse leave manic state beat next week much pussy honestly one major contributor broken self image couple week ago randomly started bawling car hour honestly even remember eating much anymore maybe like one meal day cognitive performance motivation declined significantly sleep schedule total mess either sleep hour wake nightmare cold sweat sleep want get bed face reality really prompted post though last week got really drunk ended putting gun head without even thinking realized kind told holy shit man real something wrong need kind help know diagnosed kind mental health condition lose scholarship worked damn hard openly told close friend family directly suicidal thought response always oh c mon man way strong slump right pas much appreciate people care appreciate sentiment much alleviate anything feel like never meant live long rocket supposed kill day living kind alternate reality survived nothing make sense anymore least could died strong confident rather broken friend killed honestly wish could trade place deserves life sorry turned essay feel good get head read long hope relate least get something thank finally leave song listening repeat past week lmao http www youtube com watch v ksjrcczo -"Exactly 2 years ago my mental health went down hill drastically. I felt alone, sad and unloved. Also adding up to that (what i start realising now) a very strange circle of friends. One year after that nothing really changed and there were some points where it got even worse. But then everything started to change. I started hanging out with my people again (even tho they did nothing for me when I was at my lowest but who cares) my grades where decent and I started to get happy again. Most importantly I meat my now girlfriend (which is a whole other story (that's the thing that's going around my head most of the time atm)) - -But now I have been in quarantine for 3 days and everything falls apart. I can't stop thinking about stuff that makes me sad. Everything overwhelmes me and my head hurts from thinking. (maybe you can call it voices but I'm not sure if I make that up causo of the fact I have a high risk for schizophrenia) It's 2 am right now and I can't sleep. -Maybe someone would like to text a bit. That's what I did very often in the past dark times. - -anyway thx for reading this.",1,exactly year ago mental health went hill drastically felt alone sad unloved also adding start realising strange circle friend one year nothing really changed point got even worse everything started change started hanging people even tho nothing lowest care grade decent started get happy importantly meat girlfriend whole story thing going around head time atm quarantine day everything fall apart stop thinking stuff make sad everything overwhelmes head hurt thinking maybe call voice sure make causo fact high risk schizophrenia right sleep maybe someone would like text bit often past dark time anyway thx reading -"I feel there is nobody in my life besides my direct family. The last few years have been a process of self isolation, and I don’t know why. Up until a few weeks ago, I was relatively okay. I don’t know if my medication has stopped working or if it’s just all hitting me at once now, but I feel terrible. - -I literally go to coffee shops just for the social interaction with the cash register. I need friends but don’t know where to find them, even though I’m comfortable in social situations. I’ve never been so alone. - -This is a plea. Anybody, whether you are suffering or not, please reach out to me if you want to talk about anything.",1,feel nobody life besides direct family last year process self isolation know week ago relatively okay know medication stopped working hitting feel terrible literally go coffee shop social interaction cash register need friend know find even though comfortable social situation never alone plea anybody whether suffering please reach want talk anything -"Im tempted to choose death. Not through a bullet through my head or a rope or some pills.... But through starvation. - -To test and see if my desire to die really is stronger than my carnal will to live. -To finally feel alive in my body as i weaken day by day and feel myself shrivel and decay. Just like how this depression has been eating away at my mind, I want it to symbolically show to be eating away at my body. - -And to die gracefully. Paper delicate skin and bones lay over the ground, carelessly wrapped in a blanket. - -To be kissed by death. To know I have a set amount of days left to live. -The people around me will be alarmed as I visibly start to die before their eyes. Then ill finally see who cares for me. - -To atleast experience what it would feel like to not be obese once in my life.",1,im tempted choose death bullet head rope pill starvation test see desire die really stronger carnal live finally feel alive body weaken day day feel shrivel decay like depression eating away mind want symbolically show eating away body die gracefully paper delicate skin bone lay ground carelessly wrapped blanket kissed death know set amount day left live people around alarmed visibly start die eye ill finally see care atleast experience would feel like obese life -"I'm a cis, straight, white guy with a good education and a decent job. Yet still I can't stop this incredibly self hatred. I can't stop feeling so pathetic and desperate and worthless. I should be so grateful for all the luck I've been given, but not doing so only fuels my self hatred even more. I don't know if this is relatable, and I don't know if this is just further compounding how shitty it is of me to be fortunate and still hate myself",1,ci straight white guy good education decent job yet still stop incredibly self hatred stop feeling pathetic desperate worthless grateful luck given fuel self hatred even know relatable know compounding shitty fortunate still hate -"This person means the world to me so this hurts more than I can ever describe. From what they have told me, they haven't really struggled with mental illness so how do I make them understand?",1,person mean world hurt ever describe told really struggled mental illness make understand -"why cant it just fucking stop. the pain is just too much sometimes. all i wanna say is im sorry to the people i really care about, i feel like a bad person who needs to change and get better, but i dont wanna do it for me, i wanna do it for them. im sorry. i dont know whats wrong with me, i really dont and it genuinely scares me. maybe i should get help. this is a wake up call ig. fuck.",1,cant fucking stop pain much sometimes wan na say im sorry people really care feel like bad person need change get better dont wan na wan na im sorry dont know whats wrong really dont genuinely scare maybe get help wake call ig fuck -"I was texting my friend about something going on in life I wrote a fucking paragraph about it and how's it making me feel and what not and I got 4 words back ""I'm here for you"" the thing is I said I don't even think there's a point and she said whatever I can't help just go away I ficking hate people when they need me im always there but when I need them I'm just a fucking burden but whatever I'm a fucking idiot. Every time I need someone they are not here for me but anytime someone needs me I am wtf did I do",1,texting friend something going life wrote fucking paragraph making feel got word back thing said even think point said whatever help go away ficking hate people need im always need fucking burden whatever fucking idiot every time need someone anytime someone need wtf -"I was always considered lazy by my friends and teachers growing up. I never did the chores around the house or clean my room. Now im 18 and i realise im just like my father. He has no friends, he sleeps all day (except of when he is working), he drinks every night, he never goes out (except of work and groceries), he doesnt care about his appearance or hygiene. - -My mom and sister always despised him and they have been mean to him because he doesnt do anything around the house and now they started treating me badly too. My sister looks at me with disgust. They compare to my fater to insult me. - -The truth is. Im extremly lazy. I sometimes skip school because im too lazy to shower, get up early in the morning and get dressed and all that stuff. If i dont leave the house i dont even brush my teeth or shower. My room is a mess. And it doesnt really bother me that much. It s just that im ashamed. Being disgusting doesnt.... bother me. Is that okay? oh and i sit in bed all day, i do study for school so i dont fail but i do it from my bed. - -The thing is. I am not lazy enough to eat. I actually eat too much. I do wish i would die sometimes. But i think it is because i dont really enjoy anything except of being online all the time. I am just too lazy to do anything else. I dont know. I might just be mentally lazy? throwaway because i dont want anyone to see that on my main. And thank you if u have read this far",1,always considered lazy friend teacher growing never chore around house clean room im realise im like father friend sleep day except working drink every night never go except work grocery doesnt care appearance hygiene mom sister always despised mean doesnt anything around house started treating badly sister look disgust compare fater insult truth im extremly lazy sometimes skip school im lazy shower get early morning get dressed stuff dont leave house dont even brush teeth shower room mess doesnt really bother much im ashamed disgusting doesnt bother okay oh sit bed day study school dont fail bed thing lazy enough eat actually eat much wish would die sometimes think dont really enjoy anything except online time lazy anything else dont know might mentally lazy throwaway dont want anyone see main thank u read far -"I never really noticed or I guess was aware of my depression until a few years ago when I really started losing motivation and interest in my hobbies. I am a full-time university student who works 2 jobs and right now this depression has taken a peak. I live alone in a 2 bedroom apartment with my dog. My living situation is shit but it's not shit. My apartment management renovating the entire building so I have drilling throughout the day which sucks cause I work nights and midnights so when I do need to sleep I can't. I want to move out but I can't because I'm literally paying cheaper than a bachelor's apartment anywhere else. Then there's school. I don't even know why I'm in school at this point. I had a plan and dream for myself in high school and honestly, my parents ruined that for me when I took my year off and chose to stay home just so I could move out they really made sure to make me feel like shit which just made me feel like shit throughout the four years of me being in university. I'm supposed to be graduating in spring and I was stupid enough to go home during the reading week which created a huge confrontation between my mother and I which my dad got involved soon after and it went downhill from there. I ended up leaving early and honestly after coming back from my parents' house it's like my depression went on a downward spiral. I used to have a little motivation to at least do the basic things to help myself but I literally can't bring myself to do anything. Schoolwork is a drag and makes me hate everyone. One job I work at is completely great but I have had so many bad experiences with being used by employers and fake employees that I'm so pessimistic when I get there and I completely separate myself from other employees. My second job is even worse because while I don't want to communicate in my first job my second job no one speaks English like literally, the entire store is all people from another country. It's kind of ridiculous because training is non-existent I literally would be standing around if it wasn't for me having past experience working in the same kind of field. The employee turnover is ridiculous and the supervisors when they can communicate to me only complain about how they are only working there so because of their visa but once they are full citizens they leave. The hours go by so long and working in complete silence frustrating to the point where I had to start wearing earphones while I work and listen to music. - -Anyways, after typing all of this I know I won't read it over so sorry for any mistakes or things that aren't clear. I think honestly I'm just too pessimistic and making excuses for myself but this feeling I have in me and the way everything in life is just so upsetting, the breakdowns and all the fucking crying like I'm so over it and I just want to either be content or at least have some kind of method to get through all of this. I'm so exhausted and I feel like I keep getting the short end of the stick every time.",1,never really noticed guess aware depression year ago really started losing motivation interest hobby full time university student work job right depression taken peak live alone bedroom apartment dog living situation shit shit apartment management renovating entire building drilling throughout day suck cause work night midnight need sleep want move literally paying cheaper bachelor apartment anywhere else school even know school point plan dream high school honestly parent ruined took year chose stay home could move really made sure make feel like shit made feel like shit throughout four year university supposed graduating spring stupid enough go home reading week created huge confrontation mother dad got involved soon went downhill ended leaving early honestly coming back parent house like depression went downward spiral used little motivation least basic thing help literally bring anything schoolwork drag make hate everyone one job work completely great many bad experience used employer fake employee pessimistic get completely separate employee second job even worse want communicate first job second job one speaks english like literally entire store people another country kind ridiculous training non existent literally would standing around past experience working kind field employee turnover ridiculous supervisor communicate complain working visa full citizen leave hour go long working complete silence frustrating point start wearing earphone work listen music anyways typing know read sorry mistake thing clear think honestly pessimistic making excuse feeling way everything life upsetting breakdown fucking cry like want either content least kind method get exhausted feel like keep getting short end stick every time -"As I continue to learn about myself, I feel so much of my depression stems from my personality/temperance/soul not designed to handle how our world frames itself. - -I am nearing 28, and my life is not going well (nor has it really ever). Full of trauma, isolation, depression, confusion and anxiety. Never really worked at a real job. When I was younger, I really never understood the idea that you get more comfortable with yourself as you grow older. But for me it has been true. I have completely ignored who I am, and all of the advice out there is geared towards...let's call them Person X. - -X is data-driven, meticulous, goes from point A to point B in a line, disciplined (in their specific SMART goal way), crafts categories to understand, and a lot more. - -If you are an advice hound like me, you have seen this person. Because nearly every piece of advice out there is built for X. ""For you to succeed you MUST be SMART goal oriented, you must love the grind of this pattern dominated process, you need to do it our way as this is THE process"". - -I am not X. I should have realized thos years ago as even when I play video games, I couldn't stand tutorials. I'd skip all this winded text, and I tried to brute force my way through intuition. I am more fluid, more random. While I am constantly thinking and I am thought-oriented, I feel my thinking process is not quite as category, pattern dominate. I am best when I do not overthink, when I shutdown my ego/mind and just go do. - -Of course, here in the US, we have Western values. People will tell me to get over it, this grind is the only way, and that this is human nature, maybe they're right, but believing they're right has failed me for 14 years. - -Right now, I am trying to break into a new field (copywritig), and I am horrified. - -This field is completely dominated by X, these tutorials are full of X way of thinking. Maybe I need to be X to do well in it? This post was sparked by a video that was explaining the structure of a sales letter. I think there was 30 points thst you need to hit for a successful one...which petrified and overwhelmed me. Btw, copywriters think AI will never touch them, but the more I learn about how pattern dominated sales is, this is the perfect place for automation. - -I mean right now (as an example), I am seeing a constant assault of people saying to hand write notes and comments to active read these sales letters that are important. - -Problem is, I don't read if I take notes. Note taking is too bothersome, it takes me away from the text and my thinking of the text. Note taking for me is a seperate task, not an extension of my thinking. Yet I am told I will fail if I do not do this process. That I cannot actively read and engage without this. I don't know, maybe it's true. They always say studies show this (but they never cite the studies so who fucking knows...seriously marketing and copywriting is full of people saying studies show X but no citations). I literally spend all my energy on just starting when I take notes that I usually only read a page or two before giving up. I know, just grit and grind, but I have never been able to. But if I just read, I can indeed read and get through the text. - -I am not sure how I can do well in this new field or any field really. I just don't feel built for it, but I am sick of trying to find a field to get into. I need to get my life moving. - -I barely know how I work as I have constantly been pushing my O self into an X hole that I have never bothered to see how I function. But maybe the Xs are correct, I must be them in order to do really well in life. I don't know, but I hope I am not the only one that feels like this.",1,continue learn feel much depression stem personality temperance soul designed handle world frame nearing life going well really ever full trauma isolation depression confusion anxiety never really worked real job younger really never understood idea get comfortable grow older true completely ignored advice geared towards let call person x x data driven meticulous go point point b line disciplined specific smart goal way craft category understand lot advice hound like seen person nearly every piece advice built x succeed must smart goal oriented must love grind pattern dominated process need way process x realized tho year ago even play video game stand tutorial skip winded text tried brute force way intuition fluid random constantly thinking thought oriented feel thinking process quite category pattern dominate best overthink shutdown ego mind go course u western value people tell get grind way human nature maybe right believing right failed year right trying break new field copywritig horrified field completely dominated x tutorial full x way thinking maybe need x well post sparked video explaining structure sale letter think 0 point thst need hit successful one petrified overwhelmed btw copywriter think ai never touch learn pattern dominated sale perfect place automation mean right example seeing constant assault people saying hand write note comment active read sale letter important problem read take note note taking bothersome take away text thinking text note taking seperate task extension thinking yet told fail process actively read engage without know maybe true always say study show never cite study fucking know seriously marketing copywriting full people saying study show x citation literally spend energy starting take note usually read page two giving know grit grind never able read indeed read get text sure well new field field really feel built sick trying find field get need get life moving barely know work constantly pushing self x hole never bothered see function maybe x correct must order really well life know hope one feel like -"Not sure if my ADHD is on a slump or what but I have nothing I'm really interested in right now. And then the things I was doing also lost my interest. So in a desperate attempt to stay occupied I tried some of my old games, that I realized I lost the skill to play, so then comes the rage quit. And now for the staring at the ceiling contemplating if this is a normal thing, my depression, or even just life being cruel. I wish I could just enjoy something again",1,sure adhd slump nothing really interested right thing also lost interest desperate attempt stay occupied tried old game realized lost skill play come rage quit staring ceiling contemplating normal thing depression even life cruel wish could enjoy something -"I’m so tired of this I don’t even know where to start, so I’ll just say what comes up out of the top of my head as I write this. I came here so that I could vent about some college related stuff. At the beginning of the semester I decided to enroll in 5 classes to pick up the pace and get on schedule to graduate. I wasn’t necessarily looking forward to it, but I wasn’t regretting it either, until now that is. Since the start of the semester I’ve been feeling like I just can’t pay attention. I find all my classes to be extremely uninteresting and I don’t even take notes. Every week is just a struggle to get through it without any prep time for the next one. I swear there hasn’t been one week where I don’t have any homework. All five of my classes have already given the first partial exams (later than usual) and as expected they were all essentially at the same time. It wasn’t until this week that all the results came back and obviously it wasn’t pretty. So for the first partial exams out of all five I got F’s in 3 of them, a C (pretty proud of it actually) and a B. I know that perhaps I haven’t been trying my hardest (since I really don’t pay attention in class I watch the recordings and study for them later), but I was devastated regardless. I spent countless hours studying for them only to see failure hit my liver. I have so little energy that I can’t even cry about how I failed the first exams of 3 of my classes. I’ve been so stressed out that a rash started popping up in my neck and chest. I’ve never been failing this hard in my life and frankly I’m scared. I can’t show my true emotions because I don’t want anyone to worry and I can’t talk to my therapist because of the time my studies consume. At the end of the day, all I feel is anxiety and the despair of having to repeat 3 classes and be even further behind schedule for graduation.",1,tired even know start say come top head write came could vent college related stuff beginning semester decided enroll class pick pace get schedule graduate necessarily looking forward regretting either since start semester feeling like pay attention find class extremely uninteresting even take note every week struggle get without prep time next one swear one week homework five class already given first partial exam later usual expected essentially time week result came back obviously pretty first partial exam five got f c pretty proud actually b know perhaps trying hardest since really pay attention class watch recording study later devastated regardless spent countless hour studying see failure hit liver little energy even cry failed first exam class stressed rash started popping neck chest never failing hard life frankly scared show true emotion want anyone worry talk therapist time study consume end day feel anxiety despair repeat class even behind schedule graduation -"feeling embarrassed about taking time off from work for grief/depression - -i just recently lost a loved one about 2 weeks ago, and although the grief, shock and mourning has subsided, i’m now dealing with some depressive symptoms that are making it a bit challenging to perform at work. i tried to go back after only a week and i didn’t do so well, so my manager advised i take the rest of this week off to deal with things and then come back next week. - -i work in mental health, so i have a very understanding workplace but i just feel so embarrassed about this as i’m a graduate in a new job. concerned people are talking about me, worried about all that i’m missing out on whilst taking this time off, worried that it looks bad on my behalf. i’m just feeling very ashamed atm, even though it’s not my fault. i explained to my manager what i’m going through (e.g. depression, lowered capacity to function) and i feel embarrassed even about that, just being so -vulnerable feels very odd. if anyone has any similar stories please let me know!",1,feeling embarrassed taking time work grief depression recently lost loved one week ago although grief shock mourning subsided dealing depressive symptom making bit challenging perform work tried go back week well manager advised take rest week deal thing come back next week work mental health understanding workplace feel embarrassed graduate new job concerned people talking worried missing whilst taking time worried look bad behalf feeling ashamed atm even though fault explained manager going e g depression lowered capacity function feel embarrassed even vulnerable feel odd anyone similar story please let know -"Hi, I'm 24 years old student who's moving abroad for university. I moved when I was 19, the first year was super exciting and everything is going better than ever. But since I started the real university (I was 20 y.o.) everything is crashing down for me. I don't have any spirit or willingness to study, make friends, or even do everyday jobs. I always sleep and just do nothing else. I changed my major once and changed to my favorite major, but still, I can do nothing. I'm always tired, I feel like I'm a useless potato who's just wasting everybody's time. I only did 3 exams in the span of 3 years, I can't concentrate at all. I miss my old self, I used to be the top student since I was a kid, and I don't know why am I like this right now. My uni is a mess, I have no friends, and I don't even have the energy to try to fix those. What should I do? Drop out isn't an option for me. Does anybody have any suggestions? Thank you and sorry for my bad English, English isn't my first language :')",1,hi year old student moving abroad university moved 9 first year super exciting everything going better ever since started real university 0 everything crashing spirit willingness study make friend even everyday job always sleep nothing else changed major changed favorite major still nothing always tired feel like useless potato wasting everybody time exam span year concentrate miss old self used top student since kid know like right uni mess friend even energy try fix drop option anybody suggestion thank sorry bad english english first language -"Life is so fucked, humans are so fucked and cruel and hedonistic and trash and mean and disgusting. - -Humanity deserves to die out as a species so this Planet and the animals that get constantly fucked by us can finally have their rest.",1,life fucked human fucked cruel hedonistic trash mean disgusting humanity deserves die specie planet animal get constantly fucked u finally rest -"Hello, my life is a rollycoster 20 years ago I married a wonderful man he was everything to me, Im from Spain and I met him in a Navy Base he was a USMarine we had a baby girl in 2002 and moved to Camp pendleton I was so happy in our house with our baby well one day told me that he was going to Irak so I was so sad, scared,depressed and proud I spent all the time crying waiting for his letters and thanks god he came back home safe but he was not mu husband anymore he was a different man, stress, anger, yelling all the time I spent 10 years trying to help him but even the cops came home and the cops told him that he had a wonderful wife and he was going to lose me and that was when my dad died I took my kids back to Spain and a new life well 2 years after that a met a man he was olfer than me but I feel in love and now Im stuck my now husband for 8 years treat really bad my kids and me not phisically but mentally he is just I had a breast cancer 3 years ago my exhusband was there for me still have a good relation with him he is my best friend, and now with depression, sad, anxiety and feel just love for my kids and I cant leave because it will look bad in my family and because finantially a cant go anywhere so I think I wont be happy and live this live, well sorry i need to get this out of my heart, I think with time I will be stronger because after the cancer treatment Im just so tired,depressed,fatigue...",1,hello life rollycoster 0 year ago married wonderful man everything im spain met navy base usmarine baby girl 00 moved camp pendleton happy house baby well one day told going irak sad scared depressed proud spent time cry waiting letter thanks god came back home safe mu husband anymore different man stress anger yelling time spent 0 year trying help even cop came home cop told wonderful wife going lose dad died took kid back spain new life well year met man olfer feel love im stuck husband year treat really bad kid phisically mentally breast cancer year ago exhusband still good relation best friend depression sad anxiety feel love kid cant leave look bad family finantially cant go anywhere think wont happy live live well sorry need get heart think time stronger cancer treatment im tired depressed fatigue -"It doesn’t help that they just split up, meaning it’s harder to spend time with them. know I have many years left with them but, I’m only 19 (they’re 55 & 60)… but I can see them ageing. Physically they’re slowing down and all I want is to freeze time. It hurts my heart.",1,help split meaning harder spend time know many year left 9 amp 0 see ageing physically slowing want freeze time hurt heart -"Every second I’m awake is like a nightmare I want to wake up from - -Except it’s real life - -It’s real life and I feel trapped in my head - -I like being asleep - -I like being shut away from the earth - -I wish I could sleep forever - -I hate life",1,every second awake like nightmare want wake except real life real life feel trapped head like asleep like shut away earth wish could sleep forever hate life -"Got graded E for three of my lessons and it triggered something in me; it reminded me of how much a worthless degenerate that I am. - -I’m so fucking stressed out, I never normally let it get to me but this year (last year of school) it has started to hurt me. - -On top of that my ribs(mostly center part), arms, and back all fucking hurt. It’s not even an ache, there’s this physical pain that hurts and It makes me feel weak and even more depressed.",1,got graded e three lesson triggered something reminded much worthless degenerate fucking stressed never normally let get year last year school started hurt top rib mostly center part arm back fucking hurt even ache physical pain hurt make feel weak even depressed -"This is kind of a weird question. This week has been kind of low and slow, life turned into a little more greyscale and I can feel an imminent depressive episode coming to say hey. - -But I don't wanna do that right now. I need to be focused right now on school for the near future, and it's absolutely the worst time to sulk in my bed every day. - -I know this is a fruitless attempt anyways, but how do I block this episode out before my mind shuts down? How do I recharge my battery before it even runs out? Fuck you depression, fuck you.",1,kind weird question week kind low slow life turned little greyscale feel imminent depressive episode coming say hey wan na right need focused right school near future absolutely worst time sulk bed every day know fruitless attempt anyways block episode mind shuts recharge battery even run fuck depression fuck -"I’ve always been told that student life is the best time of your life. I want to laugh. I live it as the worst. - -My friends are all stressed and depressed by their situation. -Overall, I feel that people are afraid to talk to each other in person and prefer networks and dating apps. -People are desperately looking for themselves. They’re going to school and they don’t like it. - -I feel like my generation is massively sad and lost in many ways (I’m 21). Is it just me or is that you have the same feeling?",1,always told student life best time life want laugh live worst friend stressed depressed situation overall feel people afraid talk person prefer network dating apps people desperately looking going school like feel like generation massively sad lost many way feeling -"I’ve been on Zoloft for about 3 weeks now and I’m starting to feel uncomfortably neutral. I usually dissociate in different ways, often feeling like I’m in a dream, but this feels like a different type of dream. It just feels so off, like I can’t tell if it’s a dream or not. I’m missing my normal suicidal, absolutely miserable messed up self. I’ve been on 4 antidepressants so far in my life, and none have significantly helped me. I feel like they’re doing nothing but mushing my brain and making my vision worse. I spoke to my doctor today, planning to just get off of them entirely. I ended up staying on them though, as he said that me feeling neutral is a good thing. He also said they shouldn’t mess with my vision, even though I’ve seen tons of people say they can. I don’t understand why there only seem to be two options: be extremely miserable and want to kill myself constantly and feel a billion other weird negative indescribable things or take pills constantly, feel absolutely nothing, struggle to make sense of anything that’s going on as if my mind is just completely blank and miss the other option. I wish I could be one of the people that are genuinely happy and have reasons behind it. I can’t make reasons. Nothing about myself or the future matters to me and I can’t convince myself otherwise. I could still die right now and it would be whatever, I just don’t care about anything because I can’t feel anything right now. I just wouldn’t want my family or friends to experience that, that’s still my only reason. Even now, if I didn’t have the worry of my family and friends grieving the death of me, I’d kill myself. So I suppose I miss the constant presence of my suicidal thoughts, but the desire is still there. It’s like there’s an itch under my skin that I can’t scratch, and a ticklish discomfort in my chest. I don’t understand the feeling, but I just miss the thoughts. Part of me thinks that it’s only a matter of time before they come back and part of me is afraid that they never will. It’s so bizarre that you can practically become addicted to it. Perhaps it is the comfort of the consistency that I love, and the change and uncertainty of what’s to come that is so frightening. To me that sounds incorrect though, as I just don’t care about my future. I just feel extra scared and disconnected in this current state of mind. Though I still want to stop existing to stop feeling this way, I feel indifferent to the idea of suicide. It feels less enticing, but so does absolutely everything in life. I miss the enticement of suicide that I normally feel. I want to want to kill myself, I want to think about it constantly, and that makes me feel guilty. It makes me feel like all of these years I’ve just been selfish, subconsciously doing things only for attention, and that I’m continuing to do exactly that. However, I know i’ve not. An emotional abusive relationship and genetics just messed me up I guess. I have no idea. I missed the abuse too before I started missing the consistency of my suicidal thoughts, now I just feel indifferent to everything about her. I don’t know, I’m writing and deleting a good bit of stuff. I constantly feel like nothing I’m saying is even accurate. I just don’t know what’s going on. I just feel like I’m in a white void mentally. I apologize for my rambling and lack of structure in this post. I hope this can at least bring some comfort to anyone out there who may be feeling something similar in any way.",1,zoloft week starting feel uncomfortably neutral usually dissociate different way often feeling like dream feel like different type dream feel like tell dream missing normal suicidal absolutely miserable messed self antidepressant far life none significantly helped feel like nothing mushing brain making vision worse spoke doctor today planning get entirely ended staying though said feeling neutral good thing also said mess vision even though seen ton people say understand seem two option extremely miserable want kill constantly feel billion weird negative indescribable thing take pill constantly feel absolutely nothing struggle make sense anything going mind completely blank miss option wish could one people genuinely happy reason behind make reason nothing future matter convince otherwise could still die right would whatever care anything feel anything right want family friend experience still reason even worry family friend grieving death kill suppose miss constant presence suicidal thought desire still like itch skin scratch ticklish discomfort chest understand feeling miss thought part think matter time come back part afraid never bizarre practically become addicted perhaps comfort consistency love change uncertainty come frightening sound incorrect though care future feel extra scared disconnected current state mind though still want stop existing stop feeling way feel indifferent idea suicide feel le enticing absolutely everything life miss enticement suicide normally feel want want kill want think constantly make feel guilty make feel like year selfish subconsciously thing attention continuing exactly however know emotional abusive relationship genetics messed guess idea missed abuse started missing consistency suicidal thought feel indifferent everything know writing deleting good bit stuff constantly feel like nothing saying even accurate know going feel like white void mentally apologize rambling lack structure post hope least bring comfort anyone may feeling something similar way -"Hi. I'm an 17yrs old guy from germany. I had a quite good childhood exept that i was bullied my low classes in school and didn't have any friends. Now i have quite many friends and a good place to work, but anytime i am alone i overthink everything. And that makes me sad. My friends say that i am one of the happiest and funniest persons they know. But when i am alone it's the complete different. I worry about my friendships, my loved ones and my family and that i am not good for this world. I mean i am nice to everyone and try to make everyone happy, but the most don't give back anything. And I can't be mean to them and ignore them because my heart won't let me. That makes me think a lot. I think i really need a person that I can talk to when i am sad and lonely.",1,hi yr old guy germany quite good childhood exept bullied low class school friend quite many friend good place work anytime alone overthink everything make sad friend say one happiest funniest person know alone complete different worry friendship loved one family good world mean nice everyone try make everyone happy give back anything mean ignore heart let make think lot think really need person talk sad lonely -"During my therapy session today, my therapist mentioned that when people struggle with depression, it often affects their perception and decision-making in dating. I do not personally struggle with depression, but I recently dated someone who does. I was wondering, how often does depression affect your perception and decision-making when it comes to dating?",1,therapy session today therapist mentioned people struggle depression often affect perception decision making dating personally struggle depression recently dated someone wondering often depression affect perception decision making come dating -"After months of not feeling well, I dont recognize myself. my skin is ghostly, the texture of my face is bad along with breakouts and other gross stuff, my hair is gross, and my body is just so mushy and gross now. Unhealthy food comforts me sm tho:/ how can I maintain beauty/body care with way less effort?",1,month feeling well dont recognize skin ghostly texture face bad along breakout gross stuff hair gross body mushy gross unhealthy food comfort sm tho maintain beauty body care way le effort -"Hello people, - -i feeling today sad, because i cry about my family. We do not talk much. It is not that fun to grow in a family like that, because i wish we communicate more. About feeling, thoughts, experience and many more things. I wish i can understand myself and express my feelings to the world. Sometimes i feel like a strange and think, what i thought and feel is wrong. I do not like, that my parents and grandma always criticies me, what i have to do and what is wrong and right. They had (father died 10 years ago suicied) this aggression voice, that let me feel stupid and childish? I scare sometimes to say what i think, because they will be aggressive in a physicil and psychic way. Its like they do not want to understand who i am. Im nobody. Its sucks and thats the reason i want to write it here down, because i do not want to hide myself. I do not want be alone in this world. I want to be a part in this society. now im crying. I want to be huge and to be listend. I want to cry and say what i do not like. I want to be like who i have to be. I want to explore the world and myself. I do not want do things, that i doesnt like. Why has the world / Feelings have to be this way? Why i have to suffer like this? I think people who has depression needs more attention, because they suffer to much in this world. Thx for reading. Maybe u want to say something or not. Bye",1,hello people feeling today sad cry family talk much fun grow family like wish communicate feeling thought experience many thing wish understand express feeling world sometimes feel like strange think thought feel wrong like parent grandma always criticies wrong right father died 0 year ago suicied aggression voice let feel stupid childish scare sometimes say think aggressive physicil psychic way like want understand im nobody suck thats reason want write want hide want alone world want part society im cry want huge listend want cry say like want like want explore world want thing doesnt like world feeling way suffer like think people depression need attention suffer much world thx reading maybe u want say something bye -"It's coming back. I'm sinking again. I can't do anything in life. I have superior studies yet I cannot get a job, I have friends and a girlfriend but I still feel lonely because they are busy and I have nothing to do. I'm all alone with my thoughts and I've been for too long, it's all coming back again. I even feel suicidal again. They promised us a happy life if we put enough effort. Where the fuck is my happy life, my job, my own house, the joy. Fuck them all I wanna burn the fucking world down and then end myself.",1,coming back sinking anything life superior study yet get job friend girlfriend still feel lonely busy nothing alone thought long coming back even feel suicidal promised u happy life put enough effort fuck happy life job house joy fuck wan na burn fucking world end -Bliss. Peace. Rest. Ease. Solidified. Finite.,1,bliss peace rest ease solidified finite -"Everything has just been too much, my job sucks and I don’t even make enough money to afford my rent. My husband and I have had to go hungry while we wait for our paychecks which I might add are not nearly enough to get through the week. I know I need to get a better job and this wasn’t the greatest solution but I’m tired of crying and it felt like a relapse when I did it but now I regret it because now someone is probably gonna say something and I’m afraid people won’t understand how I feel or just haul me off to a psych ward again",1,everything much job suck even make enough money afford rent husband go hungry wait paycheck might add nearly enough get week know need get better job greatest solution tired cry felt like relapse regret someone probably gon na say something afraid people understand feel haul psych ward -"Is there anyone here who managed to get out of depression? If so, how did you do it? I got stupid, lost my creativity and memory, lost my energy, just everything. I am a useless piece of meat who can't even do the most basic things. This life is not worth living. I don't want to spend my 20s like this. Where do I start and what are the things I should do?",1,anyone managed get depression got stupid lost creativity memory lost energy everything useless piece meat even basic thing life worth living want spend 0 like start thing -it just hit me. sadness is everywhere. even when im happy. it feels like im drowning in sadness.,1,hit sadness everywhere even im happy feel like im drowning sadness -"I know that sounds weird but I was talking to my therapists yesterday about how I usually don't realize I am in a bad place until I am out of it and look back at that time. Long story short we talked about getting better at recognizing it and today I have been feeling really down and sluggish and angry. Was I depressed yesterday but just didn't realize it? Not sure if this ramble makes sense. But yeah I thought I was fine yesterday now I am not, even though nothing in my life changed.",1,know sound weird talking therapist yesterday usually realize bad place look back time long story short talked getting better recognizing today feeling really sluggish angry depressed yesterday realize sure ramble make sense yeah thought fine yesterday even though nothing life changed -"Well the title says it all, I’ve decided to off myself after Thursday, im not sure how I’m going to do it but I’m tired of fighting for my life, my in-laws kicked me out and I have to leave on or before the 18th of April. I have no one and no where to go, my husband refuses to get an apartment with me because “he’s not ready” I have nothing good to look forward to and I know as soon as I move out he’s probably gonna file for divorce so wtf is the point of being heartbroken and alone. I’m scared death is gonna hurt. But it’s what I have to do. Of course I’m scared shitless. But not being in pain anymore is better than “surviving the worst”",1,well title say decided thursday im sure going tired fighting life law kicked leave th april one go husband refuse get apartment ready nothing good look forward know soon move probably gon na file divorce wtf point heartbroken alone scared death gon na hurt course scared shitless pain anymore better surviving worst -"Nice weather here where I live. Spent a few hours outside grocery shopping. I just feel like shit AGAIN. Couples everywhere. Guys with girls I like. Young mothers/fathers carrying babies or pushing prams around. Most of which are either my age (26) or younger. I never had a girlfriend. I find it so hard to even meet women platonically. I never wanted to be a childless man. I only have a few friends but they don't want to do much. I struggle to push myself to try new things these days as everything I ever done in life was a failure, obstacle or a setback. I really want to kill myself. I have been suicidal for 1.5 years now. Suffered with general anxiety and depression for almost 10 years. Either I stay in my flat and just not get triggered by the outside world (i.e. seeing couples and young parents) or I end it. The latter sounds more appealing.",1,nice weather live spent hour outside grocery shopping feel like shit couple everywhere guy girl like young mother father carrying baby pushing pram around either age younger never girlfriend find hard even meet woman platonically never wanted childless man friend want much struggle push try new thing day everything ever done life failure obstacle setback really want kill suicidal year suffered general anxiety depression almost 0 year either stay flat get triggered outside world e seeing couple young parent end latter sound appealing -I don’t have much of anyone that I can call a true friend and it can be very lonely at times. I’m looking to meet some people that I’d be able to talk with about whatever,1,much anyone call true friend lonely time looking meet people able talk whatever -"I am just one step from committing suicide. There isn't much left that keeps me alive. But in reality I want to life I want to be happy. -But I can't do it anymore. Nothing ever changes.",1,one step committing suicide much left keep alive reality want life want happy anymore nothing ever change -"I can’t make friends because I’m boring,I can’t socialize without offending someone unintentionally, I have so many toxic ways and views. I’m better off dead and not worrying about trying to fit in or be like by anyone anymore. The more I try to get out and understand people, the worse I feel. It’s been worse since hitting my 20’s",1,make friend boring socialize without offending someone unintentionally many toxic way view better dead worrying trying fit like anyone anymore try get understand people worse feel worse since hitting 0 -"in their hearts they says "" its okay to kill yourself at least you didn't become school shooters, terrorist, psychopath killer etc, etc.. and become a nuisance to other people """,1,heart say okay kill least become school shooter terrorist psychopath killer etc etc become nuisance people -"had a psychiatrist appointment today -she said she recommends lexapro to me -but i am scared of the side affects and wether not ill gain/lose weight -if anyone in here is on lexapro could you please tell me what youve had as side affects and wether or not it worked for you?? -thank you",1,psychiatrist appointment today said recommends lexapro scared side affect wether ill gain lose weight anyone lexapro could please tell youve side affect wether worked thank -" -I’ve been in therapy a few months, CBT. He mostly just advises me to try to stay in the present and mediate. At first it seemed to help a little but the larger issues I have won’t stop bothering me. I make good money and I’m not bad looking at all but I have basically zero friends and I haven’t been on a date in over 10 years. Im 26 and I’ve been thinking about suicide a lot but I obviously can’t tell my therapist or he’ll get me emergency petitioned. - -Im really not sure what to do. My anxiety and depression just seems to keep getting worse. I can barely get myself to eat most days, let alone exercise or try to talk to someone.",1,therapy month cbt mostly advises try stay present mediate first seemed help little larger issue stop bothering make good money bad looking basically zero friend date 0 year im thinking suicide lot obviously tell therapist get emergency petitioned im really sure anxiety depression seems keep getting worse barely get eat day let alone exercise try talk someone -"I need therapy, and I finally fully acknowledge it. I am an unemployment 18 years old student in Lebanon (middle east, not the US). My parents are some old-school arab folks that would never entertain the idea of me going to therapy, and the fact that I could never share the real reason behind it only makes things harder and the possibility of them cooperating even more impossible. Thankfully, I can figure out how to sneak to therapy behind their back and although I have it really hard money wise, I could afford a mid-to-low budget therapist... As long as it will get me anywhere! It would be the absolute biggest financial burden ever but I guess I gotta heal. - - -My problem? Among a couple lesser ones, I am what would be best described as, in my own words, casually suicidal. I have been for so long just wanting to die, and although I have no intention to act on it... it weighs a lot on you to be jealous out of all things from people that die around you. I am scared that talking about it to a therapist might make her have to break confidentiality. Another thing that I am worried about is that any therapist I'd go to might not be okay with me because of my beliefs. I am pretty certain that my nihilistic philosophy, backed by my lack of religious belief, would have to be talked about. Problem is that I live in a Muslim community and in these communities my perspective on religion isnt taken lightly. - - -What is your take, your opinion and all of that? -Sorry if the text is messy and all over the place, I just wanted to journal and thought that I might use this opportunity to take someone's opinion as well.",1,need therapy finally fully acknowledge unemployment year old student lebanon middle east u parent old school arab folk would never entertain idea going therapy fact could never share real reason behind make thing harder possibility cooperating even impossible thankfully figure sneak therapy behind back although really hard money wise could afford mid low budget therapist long get anywhere would absolute biggest financial burden ever guess got ta heal problem among couple lesser one would best described word casually suicidal long wanting die although intention act weighs lot jealous thing people die around scared talking therapist might make break confidentiality another thing worried therapist go might okay belief pretty certain nihilistic philosophy backed lack religious belief would talked problem live muslim community community perspective religion isnt taken lightly take opinion sorry text messy place wanted journal thought might use opportunity take someone opinion well -I'll be 29 tomorrow and I've been depressed on and off all my life. I was diagnosed at 16 with MDD with manic episodes. I started a relationship with a wonderful woman last August before I moved across the country and I moved back for her this past December. She ended up leaving me in the middle of January because of my mental illnesses. This bout of depression has hit me the hardest. Not only am I dealing with my mental illness but I'm also dealing with heartbreak. It's been over two months since she left me and I've been stuck in bed pretty much ever since. I'm medicated and doing CBT but I find it isn't helping the way it should. I'm moving back in with my parents next month to get my shit in order before tackling life again. Any tips from this community to help me get better?,1,9 tomorrow depressed life diagnosed mdd manic episode started relationship wonderful woman last august moved across country moved back past december ended leaving middle january mental illness bout depression hit hardest dealing mental illness also dealing heartbreak two month since left stuck bed pretty much ever since medicated cbt find helping way moving back parent next month get shit order tackling life tip community help get better -"I feel so trapped and stuck. I don't do anything all day long because I simply don't want to do anything period. No goals or dreams. I don't want to be anything or have material things like a house or car. I just want to sleep. I don't work or do anything productive. Everyday is the same and its just so boring being here and feeling like this. - -I'm not good enough for anything or anyone and everyone just ignores me anyways. I have no friends, never dated. I hate how I look and it can't be changed. I'm lazy, worthless, hopeless. I just can't take this anymore. Nothing works. - -I think about suicide all the time. I've even looked up handguns but even then I need money and I'm broke. I just don't want to be here anymore knowing I'm never going to be content and just a waste.",1,feel trapped stuck anything day long simply want anything period goal dream want anything material thing like house car want sleep work anything productive everyday boring feeling like good enough anything anyone everyone ignores anyways friend never dated hate look changed lazy worthless hopeless take anymore nothing work think suicide time even looked handgun even need money broke want anymore knowing never going content waste -"Not regularly, but sometimes, I experience an existential agony wash over me. I am not special, so I figure there are many others who feel like this. Hello fellow me’s. - -pre-TLDR; maybe you can relate. - -Generally I am entirely alone, with only exceptions being at work in an office environment and grocery shopping. No ‘friends’ per say; the course of time swallowed those. - -For years I had strived to achieve a ‘normie’ appearance lifestyle to correct the years of abusive upbringing. To my credit I am quite socially competent and financially self-sufficient now, but new acquaintances just don’t click. I figure most people have their circles worked out already and on my end I can’t easily relate to inauthentic people. - -There has been positive relationships in my life where I experienced belonging, but those each have ended negatively despite my (at times to my detriment) effort to make a relationship work. Disappointment fatigue has accumulated to a point where I have unofficially given up. - -My interests are vast yet spread far too thin. -I discover - I veraciously learn about - I try - I fail - I abandon. This tends to be my cycle, which additionally sediments guilt of failures. Rarely I will come across someone who has those similar interests and is successfully branching into that field, and I feel a kind of envy or ‘I could have been like that’ feeling. - -t h e n I remember that surviving in poisoned soil is hard enough, let alone growing tall. I expect a lot more of myself than was logically possible given the circumstances. - -In essence: I cannot determine if I am in a temporary plateau of development, or if I am permanently stunted and will be in this grey-area/limbo for the rest of my days. I take pride in being useful, honest and finding answers, and I think good karma has gotten me a long ways too. - -Hope you have a good day, or better than mine atleast :]",1,regularly sometimes experience existential agony wash special figure many others feel like hello fellow pre tldr maybe relate generally entirely alone exception work office environment grocery shopping friend per say course time swallowed year strived achieve normie appearance lifestyle correct year abusive upbringing credit quite socially competent financially self sufficient new acquaintance click figure people circle worked already end easily relate inauthentic people positive relationship life experienced belonging ended negatively despite time detriment effort make relationship work disappointment fatigue accumulated point unofficially given interest vast yet spread far thin discover veraciously learn try fail abandon tends cycle additionally sediment guilt failure rarely come across someone similar interest successfully branching field feel kind envy could like feeling h e n remember surviving poisoned soil hard enough let alone growing tall expect lot logically possible given circumstance essence determine temporary plateau development permanently stunted grey area limbo rest day take pride useful honest finding answer think good karma gotten long way hope good day better mine atleast -"I have a friend group at school. Yet I feel lonely and helpless. - -I Have anxiety and depression. - -I've always been a big guy, 5,9 180 pounds. And I've always been bullied for it. I can't get a girlfriend because I'm ugly and socially awkward. I can't focus on school because I'm always tired. I can't talk to anyone about my feelings because I hate letting people into my bubble. I miss the happy and innocent me. At young age my mom left me with my grandma. I hate to think what's gonna happen once she dies. I hate myself. I'm ashamed of myself. - -I wanna kill myself. - -I'm such a pussy, I'm afraid that God is real and I'll be punished. I'm afraid that when I die it will all be black and boring. I don't know what's gonna happen if I do it. If I fail, straight to a hospital. If my life doesn't get better, I'll do it. - -I hope if I do it, I'll be reborn as someone normal, and start over.",1,friend group school yet feel lonely helpless anxiety depression always big guy 9 0 pound always bullied get girlfriend ugly socially awkward focus school always tired talk anyone feeling hate letting people bubble miss happy innocent young age mom left grandma hate think gon na happen dy hate ashamed wan na kill pussy afraid god real punished afraid die black boring know gon na happen fail straight hospital life get better hope reborn someone normal start -"Like i the people i know would get very sad if i commited suicide they maybe wouldent what the fuck am i talking about i was well i was feeling good just a few days ago but like it was painfull it was better to just krep thinking negatively but that hurts too and i font know what i might do in the future i dont like it i font want anything the peeople in my class are just they feel like they are just stupid babies that somehow was getting educated in my school i hate every one of them my mind is a mess i just want to talk about stuff i dont know what to do my ""plans"" to escape depression hasnt worked either i dont have any idea to what to do i dont whant to return to my old state of mind it is horrifiying but at the same time comfortable i was realy desparate i batteked against deppresion with my weird thinking style and ""plans"" but i cant do it any more i dont ser Amy bright future ahed of me i want to help people with deppresion but i cant even help my self i dont know if i want to die even tough i have friends i feel lonely and when some one says anything about lonileness or depression i just cant control myself i get so angry that if givven the chance i would tip their head off then i feel guilty at my self i dont know what the hell is going on i am sorry for wasting your time with this post i am realy sorry",1,like people know would get sad commited suicide maybe wouldent fuck talking well feeling good day ago like painfull better krep thinking negatively hurt font know might future dont like font want anything peeople class feel like stupid baby somehow getting educated school hate every one mind mess want talk stuff dont know plan escape depression hasnt worked either dont idea dont whant return old state mind horrifiying time comfortable realy desparate batteked deppresion weird thinking style plan cant dont ser amy bright future ahed want help people deppresion cant even help self dont know want die even tough friend feel lonely one say anything lonileness depression cant control get angry givven chance would tip head feel guilty self dont know hell going sorry wasting time post realy sorry -"That's just about it, I'm just too tired of myself. I wish I was strong like a lot of you are but I'm just too weak to keep going. After some thinking I think I'm finally going towards my end, but I don't feel scared, actually I feel some peace. I'm not gonna do it today there's some things I need to settle first, but I think that's my last month in this place. Good luck everyone I wish only the best for all of you.",1,tired wish strong like lot weak keep going thinking think finally going towards end feel scared actually feel peace gon na today thing need settle first think last month place good luck everyone wish best -"TW: Suicide and self-harm - -So about 6 months ago I had a failed suicide attempt which resulted in my 2 week stay at the psych ward. At the time I was enrolled as a full time student in my senior year. When I came back from my hospital stay I found that my school had little to no accommodations so I fell incredibly behind on my work. This led to me failing my first class ever (prior to this my GPA was above a 3.5) and threw my projected graduation date off. Since then I started a new semester and I again find myself in danger of failing another class required for graduation. I feel like my depression makes it impossible to succeed in my classes. Every day I have suicidal thoughts and I've been cutting myself more than usual. I don't know what my next move should be. Add another semester? I still have 5 classes left after I fail the one I'm currently in. I feel like I just want to drop out or else I might legitimately kill myself before I graduate.",1,tw suicide self harm month ago failed suicide attempt resulted week stay psych ward time enrolled full time student senior year came back hospital stay found school little accommodation fell incredibly behind work led failing first class ever prior gpa threw projected graduation date since started new semester find danger failing another class required graduation feel like depression make impossible succeed class every day suicidal thought cutting usual know next move add another semester still class left fail one currently feel like want drop else might legitimately kill graduate -"Hi reddit, 2 weeks ago I had an something like epileptic seizure. Nothing is diagnosed right now, I'll have a meeting with a neurologist on Friday. -All I think about it when I get my councious back, people around me (I live in a dormitory) are terrified. I love them and I don't want to see them like this. I also see myself during seizure, emergency doctor gave commend to take a video of me and it was also so terrified me. -After everything got normal, I don't want to inform my parent as well because they're far away from me. -In short I hate how I impact my loved ones and don't want to inform any of them. I just want to die at corner in peace",1,hi reddit week ago something like epileptic seizure nothing diagnosed right meeting neurologist friday think get councious back people around live dormitory terrified love want see like also see seizure emergency doctor gave commend take video also terrified everything got normal want inform parent well far away short hate impact loved one want inform want die corner peace -"i’ve had this discussion with many people irl, including my therapist who said “that is very specific to you, and i wouldn’t go around telling people that.” lmao. - -when i imagine a world where i HAVE to live forever or i HAVE to follow the natural progression of my age until i die naturally, it makes me feel suffocated, panicked, and claustrophobic in my own body. the fact is, that even if we have lost control over every single thing in our lives, at least at the very minimum we have control over if that life exists or not. i take great solace in the fact that my being on this earth everyday is solely by my choice because if i wanted to i could end it at any point. of course i don’t because i have people i’d be hurting here and i have things i suppose i need to accomplish before i die. but i’d be a very big liar if i sat here and said that i don’t cope by reminding myself that there is a way out. there’s always a way out.",1,discussion many people irl including therapist said specific go around telling people lmao imagine world live forever follow natural progression age die naturally make feel suffocated panicked claustrophobic body fact even lost control every single thing life least minimum control life exists take great solace fact earth everyday solely choice wanted could end point course people hurting thing suppose need accomplish die big liar sat said cope reminding way always way -"Hi everybody, - -I’m 25 and have been suffering from depressing and full blown anxiety since I was around 13/14 years old. - -I work at a supermarket and the work isn’t physically demanding but my supervisors are just so negative about everything and everyone and every day when I come home, my depression hits me harder and harder and I’m back on the brink of being suicidal again. - -I only work there because I have financial stability since I work 32 hours a week( I tried 40 hours a week but I couldn’t, I broke down crying) and I have a fixed income and don’t want to lose that stability. - -I hope you are willing to take the time to read this and will be grateful for every tiny bit of support and my messages are open for any of you. - -Mike.",1,hi everybody suffering depressing full blown anxiety since around year old work supermarket work physically demanding supervisor negative everything everyone every day come home depression hit harder harder back brink suicidal work financial stability since work hour week tried 0 hour week broke cry fixed income want lose stability hope willing take time read grateful every tiny bit support message open mike -"So we paid a company $23000 to lift our house to fix the crooked floors. They installed these piers yesterday and started lifting this morning. About an hour later the guy comes up and tells us they can't raise it more than an inch because the foundation started to crack. Turns out that stabilizing the house is guaranteed but lifting is not. We're now paying back a $23000 loan for work that accomplished nothing. I'm absolutely crushed and the depression/anxiety is raging in me so hard I don't know if I can continue. This is just another devastating failure in my miserable life. I've been struggling to keep it together for my wife and kids and this was going to be a huge positive thing. Instead, I don't know if I can go on even for them. They're better off with this hapless fuckwad out of their lives. I may overdose on something so at least it will be an open casket at my funeral and my wife can just tell my kids ""daddy was sick"". I was already severely depressed and this is just the final blow.",1,paid company 000 lift house fix crooked floor installed pier yesterday started lifting morning hour later guy come tell u raise inch foundation started crack turn stabilizing house guaranteed lifting paying back 000 loan work accomplished nothing absolutely crushed depression anxiety raging hard know continue another devastating failure miserable life struggling keep together wife kid going huge positive thing instead know go even better hapless fuckwad life may overdose something least open casket funeral wife tell kid daddy sick already severely depressed final blow -"i feel as since covid hit, my life turned upside down almost nothing brings joy anymore and nothings is interesting",1,feel since covid hit life turned upside almost nothing brings joy anymore nothing interesting -"for me, my depression severity has gotten worse as the years have gone by. it seems that each year is collectively worse than the last. I get a huge pain when I remember, not how “things” used to be, but how /I/ used to be— 3, 5, 10, 15 years ago. If I could, I would go back in time… knowing I can’t, and that I’m doomed to worse depression each year, is almost too much to bear. the whole “it gets better” thing has not proven true for my life and particular journey with PTSD. I felt even better closer to my trauma— time hasn’t healed it, even with years and years of different therapy. the farther I get, the worse I feel overall. - -does any one else have this feeling?",1,depression severity gotten worse year gone seems year collectively worse last get huge pain remember thing used used 0 year ago could would go back time knowing doomed worse depression year almost much bear whole get better thing proven true life particular journey ptsd felt even better closer trauma time healed even year year different therapy farther get worse feel overall one else feeling -"i'm 23F, been Struggling with depression for almost 10 yrs. i've noticed that in recent years, i'll have a 1- or 2-week long period of feeling so depressed i can hardly function, followed by a few days (2 or 3 usually) where i feel ""normal""... i'm talking high energy, normal appetite, have a hard time sitting still, easier to sleep thru the night, etc. - -just wondering if this happens to anyone else? i don't think it's mania, it just feels so drastically different from my usual depressed state",1,f struggling depression almost 0 yr noticed recent year week long period feeling depressed hardly function followed day usually feel normal talking high energy normal appetite hard time sitting still easier sleep thru night etc wondering happens anyone else think mania feel drastically different usual depressed state -I had a pretty bad bought with my depression over the last year. I walked out on two jobs because I just couldn't deal and I was jobless on the couch for about 5 months. Nothing really mattered and everything felt overwhelming and hopeless. I started working again and while it's only been two weeks things don't feel as hopeless. I'm trying my best to keep it that way. I just wanted everyone to know that it really can get better. I love you all and I'm sorry if this doesn't help anyone but if it helps just one person then I feel like it was worth the time. Take care of each other and yourself.,1,pretty bad bought depression last year walked two job deal jobless couch month nothing really mattered everything felt overwhelming hopeless started working two week thing feel hopeless trying best keep way wanted everyone know really get better love sorry help anyone help one person feel like worth time take care -"Day 2 of dental care, showering, skincare, first thing in the morning. I’m actually proud of myself. If I can do this for 30 days it’ll become a habit. Adding a morning walk to this routine.",1,day dental care showering skincare first thing morning actually proud 0 day become habit adding morning walk routine -"Something except talking to people about it, I tried it and I regret it. Especially my parents. I'm not diagnosed but it's so painfully obvious, at least for me. I don't even know why I feel this way. It's making me unable to do simple shit and everyone around me hates me because of it. Memory loss is annoying too. I swear if this shit is permanent I will fucking lose it",1,something except talking people tried regret especially parent diagnosed painfully obvious least even know feel way making unable simple shit everyone around hate memory loss annoying swear shit permanent fucking lose -"I’m just so disgusted by myself. I don’t want to do this anymore. I hate myself so much and I can’t stop thinking about blowing my brains out or taking all my medication when I get home from work. In one year I’ve ruined my life and future. I fucking hate myself so much I feel like I’m going to burst into flames. I don’t know how to live with this and after a year, I’ve realized I can’t.",1,disgusted want anymore hate much stop thinking blowing brain taking medication get home work one year ruined life future fucking hate much feel like going burst flame know live year realized -I feel so alone all of the time. I have a job where I get along great with coworkers. However I have no genuine friends. No-one to hang out with. I just spend time alone. After awhile anxiety creeps in. I feel like I’m trapped in a box and can’t get out. I tend to struggle a lot with moving forward in life and part of it is I feel I have no-one by my side. Alone in the world.,1,feel alone time job get along great coworkers however genuine friend one hang spend time alone awhile anxiety creep feel like trapped box get tend struggle lot moving forward life part feel one side alone world -"He always seemed happy. We always fucked around and had a good time. We always talked about things that bothered us but he never showed any sign that he was upset or depressed. I still sit around thinking ""Why?"" and can never draw any conclusion that would make sense. I'm slowly coming out of the mental ditch but I handled it by stuffing as much alcohol in me as possible. I'm coming out if that ditch but it still bums me out. - -I completely stopped taking care of myself and the house so I decided to clean up today because I just felt happier. [Here is what a month of cope looks like](https://imgur.com/a/11cE1X6). Theres way more trash and beer cans but I was honestly too embarrassed to even show the rest. Glad to finally slowly be getting better.",1,always seemed happy always fucked around good time always talked thing bothered u never showed sign upset depressed still sit around thinking never draw conclusion would make sense slowly coming mental ditch handled stuffing much alcohol possible coming ditch still bum completely stopped taking care house decided clean today felt happier month cope look like http imgur com ce x there way trash beer can honestly embarrassed even show rest glad finally slowly getting better -"I have no direction. My family is made up of very successful people. I feel constant pressure to live up to their expectations. But right now, I could really give a fuck about school. I'm trying to sober up but it's so hard to do when I have school to deal with. IT JUST SUCKS. I just got on here to vent. I just wanna lay in bed. But then my anxiety is like ""you're going to fail x3"". I just want this to be over. FML",1,direction family made successful people feel constant pressure live expectation right could really give fuck school trying sober hard school deal suck got vent wan na lay bed anxiety like going fail x want fml -"Lately being dead sounds perfect. Like I keep fucking up everything. I can’t keep a good job, I can’t get a job in my career I’m stuck in call centers where I’m demeaned, screamed at etc… my current partner and I even though we love each other are rocky and say horrible things to each other out of pain and anger… some of his words really almost pushed me over the edge the last few days… we may have a good life ahead of us… but right now it doesn’t seem like enough… right now I can’t stop hearing his horrible words . Hearing my exes horrible words too… maybe he was right maybe I just should….",1,lately dead sound perfect like keep fucking everything keep good job get job career stuck call center demeaned screamed etc current partner even though love rocky say horrible thing pain anger word really almost pushed edge last day may good life ahead u right seem like enough right stop hearing horrible word hearing ex horrible word maybe right maybe -"I just finished it a few minutes ago (I got it from the local pubic library after waiting for it for several weeks). I think it makes for something very motivational and might be helpful to lessen depression, too. I won’t give away the ending and don’t stop listening until AFTER the library (if you’re getting board …. once you get that far, you’ll continue).",1,finished minute ago got local pubic library waiting several week think make something motivational might helpful lessen depression give away ending stop listening library getting board get far continue -"So I live in a small country in Asia. In this country, it's like If you love someone you get a bad reputation. Your mom or dad is shamed at school if their kid is caught dating someone. Who does that ??? and our phones are also being checked by the school to see if we disturb a girl or are in a relationship with them. The parents here are like you can date after being married xD. So yeah I am very annoyed and sad about the fact that I can't love someone cuz of these.",1,live small country asia country like love someone get bad reputation mom dad shamed school kid caught dating someone phone also checked school see disturb girl relationship parent like date married xd yeah annoyed sad fact love someone cuz -"I'm 20 and i'm reverting back to my 15 years old self HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAH FUCK MY LIFE I HATE EVERYTHING, I JUST WANT TO NOT EXIST",1,0 reverting back year old self hahahahahahahhahahahahahhaahahah fuck life hate everything want exist -"hi, i have been using efexor and rexapin 2.5 for depression and anxiety for a while. Before medication I used to eat so I wouldn't die. but right now I want to eat everything, especially sweet and carbohydrate foods. How do you control weight while taking medication? waiting for your advice",1,hi using efexor rexapin depression anxiety medication used eat die right want eat everything especially sweet carbohydrate food control weight taking medication waiting advice -"**To preface I would like to apologize in advance for any posting informalities; this is my first Reddit post.** - -I just graduated university in May of 2021 and received a job at a global digital marketing agency. Agency life as a first job was too emotionally taxing for my well-being and gave me extremely bad performance anxiety. I quit this job right before the start of 2022 and have been looking for a job since. I briefly had a job in February of 2022, however a close friend of mine offed himself and I was fired for taking time off to grieve. Due to this, I started taking Prozac and visiting a Therapist once a week. Things were going fine until I decided to drink on Prozac one night and have a psychotic episode. - -This episode caused me to get extremely aggressive towards my roommates for no reason. I was running down a list of accusations - some true and some untrue. However my girlfriend, worried for the safety of my roommates, decided to slap me in hopes to end the episode (terrible idea I know & we have no history of domestic abuse). This lead me into a meltdown where I called the cops trying to get her arrested for assault along with spewing false details of things that I was hallucinating. The cops soon realized I was having an episode and luckily didn't press charges and talked me somewhat down from being aggressive. Once they left, I packed up every item I own and drove 13 hours to my family's house. I don't remember anything until I was almost finished packing my stuff. - -I severely hurt my roommates and girlfriend, I don't think about coming back because of how overwhelming the guilt will feel. I'm not sure what I should do and my brain is focusing on the permanent solution. I guess the reason for this post is to ask for any advice or tips. I didn't want to drone on regarding other incidents so I'll leave a list below of what's happened in the past year. - -\- Cut off abusive parents, experienced a few other meltdowns due to work/school stress, lost a ton of friends due to self isolation, took too many psychedelics which has given me bad general anxiety, was arrested, and impulsively moved halfway around the US before I was ready to. - -Life for the past 5 years has gone continuously downhill for me. I can't realistically see a way out of this.",1,preface would like apologize advance posting informality first reddit post graduated university may 0 received job global digital marketing agency agency life first job emotionally taxing well gave extremely bad performance anxiety quit job right start 0 looking job since briefly job february 0 however close friend mine offed fired taking time grieve due started taking prozac visiting therapist week thing going fine decided drink prozac one night psychotic episode episode caused get extremely aggressive towards roommate reason running list accusation true untrue however girlfriend worried safety roommate decided slap hope end episode terrible idea know amp history domestic abuse lead meltdown called cop trying get arrested assault along spewing false detail thing hallucinating cop soon realized episode luckily press charge talked somewhat aggressive left packed every item drove hour family house remember anything almost finished packing stuff severely hurt roommate girlfriend think coming back overwhelming guilt feel sure brain focusing permanent solution guess reason post ask advice tip want drone regarding incident leave list happened past year cut abusive parent experienced meltdown due work school stress lost ton friend due self isolation took many psychedelics given bad general anxiety arrested impulsively moved halfway around u ready life past year gone continuously downhill realistically see way -"Guys i think i will be soon dead, idk how longer i can take it. Drugs and alcohol dont work anymore it all became so pointless. Ive got left. Nihilism is actual realism and i cant fuxking take it. I just wish i could fuxking get eaten up by some black hole or destroyed by supernova idc at this point anymore i just wish to be gone for good",1,guy think soon dead idk longer take drug alcohol dont work anymore became pointless ive got left nihilism actual realism cant fuxking take wish could fuxking get eaten black hole destroyed supernova idc point anymore wish gone good -"Sometimes i have strong emotions when i think about things that happened in my life and how fcked up my life is since when i was a kid till now and it seems that my life is ment to be doomed and sometimes i tell myself that I'm tired of feeling emotions and i wish that I'm completely numb to it. Sometimes i succeed to be emotionless to these feelings and sometimes it overwhelms me. - -I'm not sure what's wrong with me, is it depression? Is it something else? Idk anymore",1,sometimes strong emotion think thing happened life fcked life since kid till seems life ment doomed sometimes tell tired feeling emotion wish completely numb sometimes succeed emotionless feeling sometimes overwhelms sure wrong depression something else idk anymore -"Laying in bed bored. Decided to open some of my old playlists on spotify. Started to listen to some songs that my ex sent me, the ones we used to listen together all night. I haven’t listened to these songs or any song of the ones I used to love since we broke up. I don’t know what made me dig up this pain. Also there’s a playlist she made specially for me but I don’t dare to open it. - -It’s like I just opened the Pandora’s box of sadness and depression.",1,laying bed bored decided open old playlist spotify started listen song ex sent one used listen together night listened song song one used love since broke know made dig pain also playlist made specially dare open like opened pandora box sadness depression -"I have a pretty good life. My husband is great, we have our fights and stuff but overall he’s amazing. We have a nice apartment. Husband has a job. We have money for groceries and bills. I’m graduating college in May. I think I’ve got a good job lined up for after graduation. My parents get on my nerves but they love and support me. My sister is becoming a good friend as we have gotten older and not as annoying. My in laws don’t really mess with us much anymore. When they do, it’s nothing crazy. But I still feel so sad all of the time. I hate it. I have no motivation. I do stupid things because I have no self control. I just lay around any chance that I get. I’m not productive. I just hate myself. I’m not as fit and I don’t take care of myself anymore. I have little desire to. I just am wasting away. Then I get mad at myself because I shouldn’t feel this way. I have reasons to be happy I’m just not.",1,pretty good life husband great fight stuff overall amazing nice apartment husband job money grocery bill graduating college may think got good job lined graduation parent get nerve love support sister becoming good friend gotten older annoying law really mess u much anymore nothing crazy still feel sad time hate motivation stupid thing self control lay around chance get productive hate fit take care anymore little desire wasting away get mad feel way reason happy -"Im currently taking 3 psych meds, Zoloft, Buspar, and Lithium. I also take Topamax and Gabapentin for chronic migraines, but my psychiatrist likes to consider all of these psych meds even though the Topamax and gabapentin and prescribed by my neurologist and I felt no difference in my mood when going on these meds. - -Ive taken Zoloft and Buspar for over 6 years and Lithium for over 2 years now. - -&#x200B; - -I was recently diagnosed with idiopathic hypersomnia by a sleep medicine doctor and they recommended me going on modafinil. My primary doctor said this medication would probably help me a lot and I was really looking forward to maybe having some energy again and doing something other than sleeping 24/7 lol. - -The sleep doctor wanted my psychiatrist to prescribe the modafinil, but my psychiatrist almost gave me an ultimatum. She pretty much said that if I go on the modafinil, she wants me to come off of one of the other meds. - -&#x200B; - -I told her if that was the case then forget about it, I really didn't want to risk my mood slipping again, especially because its not like my mood is a 10/10 right now or anything, its okay, but I don't consider myself happy or ""cured"". She then compared me being on so many meds (I also take meds for hypothyroidism and high cholesterol) to watching someone smoke 10 packs of cigarettes a day and how unhealthy it was being on so many medications. - -I guess im just confused and hurt. I have been seeing her for probably 3 years, and she put me on the lithium. But now she wants to take something away. I have voiced to her many many times that I do not feel comfortable doing this, but she continues to bring it up, and now its like she doesn't want to prescribe this other medication because im on other meds. - -&#x200B; - -I get that I am on a lot of medications, but they all are for their own purpose. Anyone have any ideas of how to move forward?",1,im currently taking psych med zoloft buspar lithium also take topamax gabapentin chronic migraine psychiatrist like consider psych med even though topamax gabapentin prescribed neurologist felt difference mood going med ive taken zoloft buspar year lithium year amp x 00b recently diagnosed idiopathic hypersomnia sleep medicine doctor recommended going modafinil primary doctor said medication would probably help lot really looking forward maybe energy something sleeping lol sleep doctor wanted psychiatrist prescribe modafinil psychiatrist almost gave ultimatum pretty much said go modafinil want come one med amp x 00b told case forget really want risk mood slipping especially like mood 0 0 right anything okay consider happy cured compared many med also take med hypothyroidism high cholesterol watching someone smoke 0 pack cigarette day unhealthy many medication guess im confused hurt seeing probably year put lithium want take something away voiced many many time feel comfortable continues bring like want prescribe medication im med amp x 00b get lot medication purpose anyone idea move forward -Does someone feel the same? I don't want to be alone with this feeling.It's misery.,1,someone feel want alone feeling misery -"My whole life I’ve dealt with the trifecta of depression, anxiety, and OCD. I was always functional, with all 3 disorders clocking in at maybe a 3/10. Depression always felt like more of a chemical thing, it was never situationally based. Anxiety & OCD were usually health related. Hypochondria I guess? -Anyways, I never knew “episodes” existed, I always just hovered at the same baseline. Then, in 2017, I had a severe panic attack after smoking some potent weed. It really shook me, and it sent me into what I guess would be my first episode. It was my first time experiencing dissociation, and it terrified me. I was in a constant state of panic for months. At the time I had been on Lexapro for YEARS. My GP was ill equipped to deal with this so she recommended a new doc for Meds. Big mistake. New doc decided I should quit taking Lexapro and switch to Zoloft, which perhaps would have worked if she had done it correctly. Instead of cross tapering or weaning off Lexapro, she decided to have me stop taking Lexapro cold turkey, wait a month until it was out of my system, and then start Zoloft. Going cold turkey off Lex was a nightmare of biblical proportions and sent me further into the most intense depression and anxiety I’d ever experienced. -After a hospital visit, they suggested an outpatient program. I agreed, and there they got me back on the Lexapro. After a few more long months, things evened out. I returned to a manageable baseline, although the depression was a tad higher because I could no longer self medicate with weed (the experience ruined weed for me, would immediately send me into panic mode). But still, things were going well. -Fast forward to January 2022 and suddenly, out of the blue, I wake up one day super depressed. No appetite. Couldn’t sleep at night. I was so confused… my first episode had a clear and obvious trigger (panic attack/ill advised cold turkey med change). I’d never had something like this happen with no trigger. That’s when I started to dig deeper and found out that “episodes” exist. -This time I had a doc I trust. Added Remeron which was AWESOME at first, felt better than I had in years! Was sleeping and eating great, for about 10 days, then SPLAT, all that went away, back to square one, and I even developed tinnitus from the Remeron. So I nixed the Remeron and we decided to switch from Lexapro as well, but the RIGHT way this time. I did a seamless cross taper to Effexor. I’m on my 4th week of it, went from 37-75-112-150. My last day on the Lexapro was last Friday, which was the day I did the increase to 150. Things have improved slightly, def not where I wanna be tho. I now know that episodes can last anywhere from days to months (or longer) so I’m trying to be patient. It’s tough tho. Eventually I may have to decide whether to increase Effexor again or augment with something else (an AA perhaps). -Not sure what I meant to accomplish with this wall of text but if you read it, kudos to you! I guess I just wanted to document this strange journey. Maybe you’ve been through something similar or know someone who has. Maybe you can offer advice (which I’d welcome). Either way, I hope whoever is reading this is doing well, and I wish you all the best of luck in this thing called life!",1,whole life dealt trifecta depression anxiety ocd always functional disorder clocking maybe 0 depression always felt like chemical thing never situationally based anxiety amp ocd usually health related hypochondria guess anyways never knew episode existed always hovered baseline 0 severe panic attack smoking potent weed really shook sent guess would first episode first time experiencing dissociation terrified constant state panic month time lexapro year gp ill equipped deal recommended new doc med big mistake new doc decided quit taking lexapro switch zoloft perhaps would worked done correctly instead cross tapering weaning lexapro decided stop taking lexapro cold turkey wait month system start zoloft going cold turkey lex nightmare biblical proportion sent intense depression anxiety ever experienced hospital visit suggested outpatient program agreed got back lexapro long month thing evened returned manageable baseline although depression tad higher could longer self medicate weed experience ruined weed would immediately send panic mode still thing going well fast forward january 0 suddenly blue wake one day super depressed appetite sleep night confused first episode clear obvious trigger panic attack ill advised cold turkey med change never something like happen trigger started dig deeper found episode exist time doc trust added remeron awesome first felt better year sleeping eating great 0 day splat went away back square one even developed tinnitus remeron nixed remeron decided switch lexapro well right way time seamless cross taper effexor th week went 0 last day lexapro last friday day increase 0 thing improved slightly def wan na tho know episode last anywhere day month longer trying patient tough tho eventually may decide whether increase effexor augment something else aa perhaps sure meant accomplish wall text read kudos guess wanted document strange journey maybe something similar know someone maybe offer advice welcome either way hope whoever reading well wish best luck thing called life -"I’m so exhausted and I can’t stop sleeping - -Staying awake is a struggle - -I just feel like shit - -Staying awake just makes me want to sleep - -Maybe I’ll take a nap… again…",1,exhausted stop sleeping staying awake struggle feel like shit staying awake make want sleep maybe take nap -"Been depressed lately and it hurts like hell. Getting out of bad is a chore. Thoughts of non-existence are a comfort. - -Silver lining? I’ve been completely disillusioned, my ego has been shattered. I no longer pretend I’m living a good life, that I’m happy, that I’m not lonely or that I am in any way special. From now on it will be brutal honesty to myself and others, which before I couldn’t imagine. - -I suck. My life sucks. Most people are much better than me in every way. It is what it is. I’ll try to cope and do the best I can in this hard, lonely existence I don’t seem to be equipped to handle. No more lies. - -Fight on brothers and sisters.",1,depressed lately hurt like hell getting bad chore thought non existence comfort silver lining completely disillusioned ego shattered longer pretend living good life happy lonely way special brutal honesty others imagine suck life suck people much better every way try cope best hard lonely existence seem equipped handle lie fight brother sister -"I was having fun earlier playing video games, nothing on my mind but as soon as I stop i snap back to reality and think about her and what we used to be. It's been like 3 weeks of our breakup and 5 days of no contact. She says that there might not be another chance for us even in friendship. I love her and IDK what to do with the pain and guilt. - -I have depression and anxiety on top of that and my therapist said that im feeling this way due to trauma of rejection. I didnt have a good past as i was taken away from my abusive parents at 5 years old. - -Being with her made me feel normal. Like i didnt have these feelings but now that shes out of my life, theyve come back but worse. I dont know how to keep living. The only thing keeping me alive are my current foster family and friends. I feel so sad all the time",1,fun earlier playing video game nothing mind soon stop snap back reality think used like week breakup day contact say might another chance u even friendship love idk pain guilt depression anxiety top therapist said im feeling way due trauma rejection didnt good past taken away abusive parent year old made feel normal like didnt feeling shes life theyve come back worse dont know keep living thing keeping alive current foster family friend feel sad time -"Hi everyone. -My life’s pretty difficult now. I hate it. I feel like I can’t do nothing about it. -I’ve been unemployed for about 7 months. I quit my job because it was a hell hole. Literally a hell hole. They treated me like shit. It was toxic. I got physically and mentally sick but i kept pushing until the point were I physically couldn’t get up in the morning. So i quit. I’ve been battling health issues and depression ever since i quit. -My family and friends are shaming me and trying to force me to look for a job. I’m just not sure if I’m ready. I’m too scared. I think i was traumatized from my past job. I’m just too scared to find a job and get hurt again. Like i said, I’ve still in physical pain. And it’s really hard to look for a job while you’re hurting. I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist for the past 3 months. I’ve gotten better but I’m still too scared to look for a job. Any advice? :)",1,hi everyone life pretty difficult hate feel like nothing unemployed month quit job hell hole literally hell hole treated like shit toxic got physically mentally sick kept pushing point physically get morning quit battling health issue depression ever since quit family friend shaming trying force look job sure ready scared think traumatized past job scared find job get hurt like said still physical pain really hard look job hurting seeing psychiatrist past month gotten better still scared look job advice -"My 1.4 year relationship ended about a month ago. For me it feels like it just happened yesterday. Every time I wake up, I remember this person is no longer in my life. I check my phone constantly throughout the day knowing there won’t be messages from them anymore. I haven’t accepted that it is over. They were my first for everything. It’s hard right now because I’m not working and sometimes I get a week break from school. I’ve had free time before but I haven’t had free time without speaking to them constantly in 2 years. So I feel super lonely, and I don’t know what to do, most of the day I spend in bed. I was diagnosed with depression about a 1.5 week ago. I have probably eaten less than 500 calories a day for the past 3 weeks which is just making the depression worse because there’s no fuel in the tank. Sometimes less than that, because I have no desire to eat, I just feel nauseous. - -I was doing better somewhat until I decided to reach out to this person to confirm whether or not we could contact each other again and thinking we could possibly be friends in the future. I got a message from this person about a week ago stating that it was completely over as far as ever communicating with each other again, and also my dog died. So I lost the two things I cared about the most all in the span of a month. And long story short, I harassed that person because I wanted them to talk to me. I wanted to say goodbye properly and I wanted them to say goodbye properly because it didn’t end well and I wanted to fix it. I have always tried to fix things and be perfect and never make mistakes. I just wanted to fix it. I definitely made it way worse by spamming them. I didn’t mean to. I have always tried to be a good person and do the right things and treat people the right way. And now I don’t know who I am anymore. I feel really really bad about it. I would never actually do anything to hurt this person. - -This person knew me more than anyone in my life ever has. I really didn’t understand that what I was doing was harassment I thought if I messaged them enough, they would understand me and talk to me but that was not the case. I tried to message them on multiple different platforms and begged for them to speak to me. Most of the times I sent the messages, I was in the middle of one of my panic attacks or crying on the floor. And sometimes I would try to reach out super late at night when the depression gets the worse. I would like to add that I’ve never experienced heartbreak before, and I’ve never had anything this bad happen to me. My mom’s car accident affected me years ago but this was a different kind of pain. I even sent them money through a money transfer app just so I could send a message because I was blocked on everything else. I know that I’m not okay but I don’t know what to do or how to fix it. It’s worth noting that this person lives very very far away so when the relationship ended I knew I’d never see or hear from them again and I couldn’t handle not having this person in my life. We had talked/messaged each other every single day for 2 years. And we had traveled to different places together. Over the last 2 years, my life has always involved this person. I don’t know who I am without them. The only time I’m not in pain is when I’m sleeping, and even then I have dreams about them but we are still together in those dreams so when I wake up, the realization is brutal. - -I thought they were my soulmate and that we would be together forever and grow old together one day. I think it’s hard because I remember us promising to always be with each other and have each other. To love each other forever. I think I could maybe deal with the relationship ending but I can’t let go of the promises we made and when I remember this person isn’t in my life anymore, it makes me physically sick. Sometimes I get actual chest pain. I’m 20 and I don’t think I’m capable of loving someone else ever again. I knew this person was special from the moment I meant them. I hesitated to ask them out because I knew there was a possibility that relationships could end and I never wanted to have this person out of my life. I wanted them to always be my friend and didn’t want a relationship to possibly ruin that. It did in the end anyways. - -I lost my best friend. Not talking to them every day feels like a part of me is gone. Missing. It doesn’t feel right that we’re not together anymore. It feels like they died. It feels like the universe isn’t going right. Like it’s not in alignment and this wasn’t suppose to happen. I don’t think that we aren’t suppose to be together. It feels wrong. They were suppose to come visit soon but now it’s never going to happen. I had already practiced how I was going to show them how the shower works (because everyone’s works differently), bought spare soap, moved things out of my room so it would be quieter at night for them, planned the places we were going to go and things we were going to do, imagined us going to get food and sit in the car and talk, how I was going to show them new things and comfort them during the long car drives, the movies we were going to watch, etc. It’s not happening anymore. Now I can’t do any of those things without breaking down. How do I let this go? And I definitely can never get on another plane again because I’ve only ever been on planes to see them. I was at my happiest when I knew I was on my way to them, even though it usually took 19 hours total to get there. I have deleted almost all our pictures together but all the gifts from them and their family are in my bottom dresser because I can’t bring myself to get rid of them. Some of them were very special, meaningful, gifts (I was there for Christmas) and I don’t know what to do with them. I don’t feel like I’m capable of throwing them away. I am unable to open the dresser and look at them. - -I feel like I’m a bad person because this is not something I thought I would ever do. I still love this person more than anything but I am going to go to therapy today so that I can work on moving on, I cannot do it myself. I will never message them again, but it’s too late to take back everything I did and said. I even said I hate them. I was so angry but I’m incapable of hating this person, even in my anger I could never hate this person. I said it because I was so hurt. I was told that I am going through grief. I couldn’t apologize because I’m blocked on everything, understandable so. It’s probably best that they leave me blocked for now because I’m afraid that I will get angry/sad again and say things I don’t mean or beg them to talk to me. I also sent a letter to them where I said some things when I was angry but they won’t receive that for weeks. Do you think they will ever forgive me one day for the harassment? My intentions weren’t to scare them. I needed to talk to them to stop the overwhelming sadness. I thought that they still cared about me, I think I was begging them to still care. I thought if I told them everything going wrong they would comfort me because our relationship had been so strong. Do you think that they will know that I’m sorry? Am I a bad person for doing what I did?",1,year relationship ended month ago feel like happened yesterday every time wake remember person longer life check phone constantly throughout day knowing message anymore accepted first everything hard right working sometimes get week break school free time free time without speaking constantly year feel super lonely know day spend bed diagnosed depression week ago probably eaten le 00 calorie day past week making depression worse fuel tank sometimes le desire eat feel nauseous better somewhat decided reach person confirm whether could contact thinking could possibly friend future got message person week ago stating completely far ever communicating also dog died lost two thing cared span month long story short harassed person wanted talk wanted say goodbye properly wanted say goodbye properly end well wanted fix always tried fix thing perfect never make mistake wanted fix definitely made way worse spamming mean always tried good person right thing treat people right way know anymore feel really really bad would never actually anything hurt person person knew anyone life ever really understand harassment thought messaged enough would understand talk case tried message multiple different platform begged speak time sent message middle one panic attack cry floor sometimes would try reach super late night depression get worse would like add never experienced heartbreak never anything bad happen mom car accident affected year ago different kind pain even sent money money transfer app could send message blocked everything else know okay know fix worth noting person life far away relationship ended knew never see hear handle person life talked messaged every single day year traveled different place together last year life always involved person know without time pain sleeping even dream still together dream wake realization brutal thought soulmate would together forever grow old together one day think hard remember u promising always love forever think could maybe deal relationship ending let go promise made remember person life anymore make physically sick sometimes get actual chest pain 0 think capable loving someone else ever knew person special moment meant hesitated ask knew possibility relationship could end never wanted person life wanted always friend want relationship possibly ruin end anyways lost best friend talking every day feel like part gone missing feel right together anymore feel like died feel like universe going right like alignment suppose happen think suppose together feel wrong suppose come visit soon never going happen already practiced going show shower work everyone work differently bought spare soap moved thing room would quieter night planned place going go thing going imagined u going get food sit car talk going show new thing comfort long car drive movie going watch etc happening anymore thing without breaking let go definitely never get another plane ever plane see happiest knew way even though usually took 9 hour total get deleted almost picture together gift family bottom dresser bring get rid special meaningful gift christmas know feel like capable throwing away unable open dresser look feel like bad person something thought would ever still love person anything going go therapy today work moving never message late take back everything said even said hate angry incapable hating person even anger could never hate person said hurt told going grief apologize blocked everything understandable probably best leave blocked afraid get angry sad say thing mean beg talk also sent letter said thing angry receive week think ever forgive one day harassment intention scare needed talk stop overwhelming sadness thought still cared think begging still care thought told everything going wrong would comfort relationship strong think know sorry bad person -"Maybe is a defense mechanism? Idk but a few weeks ago I really tried all the ""fake it until you make it"" schtick. For a few days it was fine and people at work were impressed. However, soon I started to make mistakes and I went overboard because now everyone is pointing out my flaws. I was a crying mess and I felt super weak and exposed. - -Today I reversed back to my usual ""you are worthless"", ""you really thought you could achieve something?"" mental mantra and somehow I feel better. It is like it feels better if I am the one saying it and not the others. - -I feel so effed up for being relieved as I am now. I really thought I was getting better and believing in myself for a change but I guess I am not just built that way...",1,maybe defense mechanism idk week ago really tried fake make schtick day fine people work impressed however soon started make mistake went overboard everyone pointing flaw cry mess felt super weak exposed today reversed back usual worthless really thought could achieve something mental mantra somehow feel better like feel better one saying others feel effed relieved really thought getting better believing change guess built way -No reason in life,1,reason life -"Last night I got high and drunk same time, wow what a night but I was alone. Usually I get really in my head when high and more depressed but I think the alcohol countered that. - -Anyway whats weird is I’ve woken up today in a super positive mood. My life situation has not changed but I just see it differently. I’m alright with where I’m at. Positive that I’ll get where I need to I feel really optimistic and I’m worried cause this is so sooo rare to me I’m scared it will go away. - -I haven’t felt this happy in years. - -But it’s made me realise that happiness is not the absence of problems but it’s the state of mind you have about your problems.",1,last night got high drunk time wow night alone usually get really head high depressed think alcohol countered anyway whats weird woken today super positive mood life situation changed see differently alright positive get need feel really optimistic worried cause sooo rare scared go away felt happy year made realise happiness absence problem state mind problem -"Only 3 months ago around Christmas, my dad nearly died and was in a coma for 3 weeks. My mum and brother were thrown into a depressive state whilst I tried so hard to get on with life and be strong for them. - -Only last month my relationship with my brother was completely destroyed when my family confronted him after finding out he'd stolen hundreds from me and my parents. I was hurt and betrayed so badly but was able to forgive him and try to move on even if he didn't feel the same way. - -After fighting against all of the pain my life has brought me through my family and relationships these past few months, I finally started to feel like I was making progress and becoming a better person for everyone in my life.. - -Yesterday I woke up to a paragraph text message from my girlfriend of 2 years telling me she didn't love me or want to be with me anymore. And I've finally caved in. I'm so sick of trying so hard to be strong. Every single time I resist another force comes down on me. I give up and I don't want to do this anymore. - -She was my comfort and best friend who I could go to for anything. Now I feel like I have nobody who understands me and nobody who wants to listen which is why i'm typing here. Because i'm so lost and broken. - -I will be so grateful for any kind words.",1,month ago around christmas dad nearly died coma week mum brother thrown depressive state whilst tried hard get life strong last month relationship brother completely destroyed family confronted finding stolen hundred parent hurt betrayed badly able forgive try move even feel way fighting pain life brought family relationship past month finally started feel like making progress becoming better person everyone life yesterday woke paragraph text message girlfriend year telling love want anymore finally caved sick trying hard strong every single time resist another force come give want anymore comfort best friend could go anything feel like nobody understands nobody want listen typing lost broken grateful kind word -"Hi I am 19M from India and I am currently going through a major crisis of my life. My mother is a very abusive person. She has been physically abusing me since I was 5. I have burnt knife marks on my body which she called ""punishment"". She once threw me off the stairs because I cracked two eggs while bringing them home. I have been subject to her verbal abuses since my birth, I believe. One of the incident which is still intact in my head is when I was 7 and she threw the knife on my face because I told her I do not want to go to some place with her. I have been with her and growing up all along I always thought these things were normal until I met new people. I really get suicidal thoughts at nights and I want to move out of here. - -My father is separated and I have no idea where he is, ita been more than a decade since, I've met or even talked to him. All I know is that he sends money to my mother. Last year, he did not send a single rupee for many months because if COVID so I had to do some meagre jobs to earn something. I had been doing that but now, I want to complete my education and get a degree. Education here is very expensive. I have graduated from my high school in the year 2020 and had to take drop years because of pandemic and to basically, stay alive. Now, the situation is quite better at my home. My dad is sending enough for us to eat. When I talk about my studies, my mother straightforwardly declines and asks me work. I really don't want to work, I have to move out but I have zero backup and there are no part time jobs here in my country. To move to another country, is a very difficult task but it might change my life. I would really need some advice and if you could just help me a bit, It would be really great. -Thank you for reading so far. Also, I am sorry if I offended you by talking about my own mother like that. I really do not know how to handle things right now. I am really sorry. And Thank you for reading. I'd appreciate if you can talk to me.",1,hi 9m india currently going major crisis life mother abusive person physically abusing since burnt knife mark body called punishment threw stair cracked two egg bringing home subject verbal abuse since birth believe one incident still intact head threw knife face told want go place growing along always thought thing normal met new people really get suicidal thought night want move father separated idea ita decade since met even talked know sends money mother last year send single rupee many month covid meagre job earn something want complete education get degree education expensive graduated high school year 0 0 take drop year pandemic basically stay alive situation quite better home dad sending enough u eat talk study mother straightforwardly decline asks work really want work move zero backup part time job country move another country difficult task might change life would really need advice could help bit would really great thank reading far also sorry offended talking mother like really know handle thing right really sorry thank reading appreciate talk -"My therapist asked me if I need anything but I never know how to answer this. Yes, but I don't know what. To stop feeling this way? - -I just feel worse for not having an answer so I say I don't, and than I feel even worse. - -I just want to be ok, but I don't know what that will take. Especially in a crisis.",1,therapist asked need anything never know answer yes know stop feeling way feel worse answer say feel even worse want ok know take especially crisis -"Hi, I am very sorry if this is the wrong sub for this post. A good friend is going through a though depressive episode right now and since we live in different countries we mostly hang out by playing games online. We joke a lot but my humor as well as hers can get quite self-depricating so I want to change my type of jokes and how I talk in a way that boosts her self esteem instead of lowering it. I am really bad with words so if some of you have concrete examples for how I can turn a joke or a phrases like ""bruh we are so dumb lol"" etc. around to something positive would be really helpful. Just imagine you have to teach a toddler with atrocious social skills how to be a supportive friend.",1,hi sorry wrong sub post good friend going though depressive episode right since live different country mostly hang playing game online joke lot humor well get quite self depricating want change type joke talk way boost self esteem instead lowering really bad word concrete example turn joke phrase like bruh dumb lol etc around something positive would really helpful imagine teach toddler atrocious social skill supportive friend -"I had an interview for a new job today. It's the 5th one I have had in two weeks. Even though I was the only candidate that showed up they said they had their hopes on someone else... - -I am a grown person an I can't find a real job. Every interview I'm just not a good fit... This company reached out to me... I feel like there is a sign that only other people can see that says I'm trash. I am unworthy. I don't know what I'm doing wrong but I know it's me. I know I'm the issue. I am going to be stuck as white trash customer service agent till I self check out. There is no other way out for me. No one will miss me when I'm gone an everyone will be better off with out me. I feel selfish for being scared to go to hell. That's what I deserve.",1,interview new job today th one two week even though candidate showed said hope someone else grown person find real job every interview good fit company reached feel like sign people see say trash unworthy know wrong know know issue going stuck white trash customer service agent till self check way one miss gone everyone better feel selfish scared go hell deserve -"I’m 19, and haven’t done anything with my life. I’ve disappointed everyone in my life. The woman I thought I was gonna marry left me and won’t even talk to me anymore. I started therapy and medication again a few months ago but it only does so much. I don’t really have any friends, I work only a few days a week and can barely handle that. I don’t find pleasure out of anything anymore. I don’t have anyone to turn to and everyone who ever loved me has either left me or died. All I do is sit home alone and try to distract myself the best I can but I honestly see no light at the end of the tunnel. I know it’s pathetic but I swear I’m trying the best I can but I don’t know how much longer I can",1,9 done anything life disappointed everyone life woman thought gon na marry left even talk anymore started therapy medication month ago much really friend work day week barely handle find pleasure anything anymore anyone turn everyone ever loved either left died sit home alone try distract best honestly see light end tunnel know pathetic swear trying best know much longer -Today i was late for my high dchool by accident because they decided to change the plan and only send the notification about it on soem stupid school app that i don't use. And so when i arived i was 4 hours late. Someone from my class saw me and started to talk to me like to an idiot. I wanted to say somethinf but not even one word could came out. I almost broke into tears over something so simple. I wonder why people do this? Does it give them some satisfaction or something like that? I have no idea. What are your ideas?,1,today late high dchool accident decided change plan send notification soem stupid school app use arived hour late someone class saw started talk like idiot wanted say somethinf even one word could came almost broke tear something simple wonder people give satisfaction something like idea idea -"Do you guys also have the unbearable urge to just step out of your door one day and leave? - -I can't take it anymore, I tried for years to get happy, or at least not miserable, but all I do creates more critics and now I'm not even at peace when I'm home. I have no hope finding peace, success or even stability at home and just vanishing seems to be the only thing left to try. - -sometimes I just wanna get in my car, fuel it up and leave everyone and everything behind, sleeping in the car and go wherever. - -sadly I wouldn't even have the money to even last a month :/",1,guy also unbearable urge step door one day leave take anymore tried year get happy least miserable creates critic even peace home hope finding peace success even stability home vanishing seems thing left try sometimes wan na get car fuel leave everyone everything behind sleeping car go wherever sadly even money even last month -"Feel lonely, feel alone, feel restless, angry, annoyed, jealous, just like everything’s a let down. Have no friends, no significant other, family is somewhat sad and broken. No job, no confidence, I’m just here living every f*cking day over and over again….some people from my family can be cold, not understanding, I hate depending on them for stuff and hoping to get help when they don’t even want to….I want to be independent and I’m sick of it already. Can’t talk to some of these people about serious topics or about truth because they don’t want to hear it or won’t listen! - -Nothing makes me feel happy! And all I ever hear is all I do is drink or go out….and yeah I do cause this shit is sad and it’s only time that it’s not and I wanna meet people…and idk it’s just hard, I’m tired of sitting there in my feelings 24/7.",1,feel lonely feel alone feel restless angry annoyed jealous like everything let friend significant family somewhat sad broken job confidence living every f cking day people family cold understanding hate depending stuff hoping get help even want want independent sick already talk people serious topic truth want hear listen nothing make feel happy ever hear drink go yeah cause shit sad time wan na meet people idk hard tired sitting feeling -"I'm honestly at the end of a dead end and idk what to do with my life, there's almost no options. And people aren't supportive at all. I like to bounce off my ideas on other people, but everyone tells me to stop complaining, pick myself up by the bootstraps and solve my own fucking problems. Thanks, I'm cured.",1,honestly end dead end idk life almost option people supportive like bounce idea people everyone tell stop complaining pick bootstrap solve fucking problem thanks cured -"ensconced in thoughts diametrically opposed, graduated in fear and all its frills. untouched days can only be so new with a mantra ""old is love for loving's sake"". hail the dawn.",1,ensconced thought diametrically opposed graduated fear frill untouched day new mantra old love loving sake hail dawn -"Every single day I just wake up miserable and an insane urgency to immediately end myself. Everything is just empty now. Nothing really gets me excited. And I don't even have anyone to talk to cuz most of my friends are just not that close. My family is much worse as nobody ever cares about each other. I have a father but I don't have any father figure cuz he was and is never there for me ever. I can't even share anything to anyone cuz everyone just tells me that ""it's normal for people my age to experience the things I am going through"". -I just absolutely hate my life and everything -I literally have no will to live. I even sometimes subtly and unintentionally put myself at dangerous situations to like somehow get myself killed. Even though everyone just says it's normal to experience these at my age, I don't see anyone my age talk or even behave the way I do. -I also hate the fact that I am self aware of every way I am behaving but still can't seem to help myself fix those things. -I really really really hope everyone is living better lives than me",1,every single day wake miserable insane urgency immediately end everything empty nothing really get excited even anyone talk cuz friend close family much worse nobody ever care father father figure cuz never ever even share anything anyone cuz everyone tell normal people age experience thing going absolutely hate life everything literally live even sometimes subtly unintentionally put dangerous situation like somehow get killed even though everyone say normal experience age see anyone age talk even behave way also hate fact self aware every way behaving still seem help fix thing really really really hope everyone living better life -"Hi you all, - -My first post in here, I have to write my story down. I'm curious, if there are more people in this. - -Im a 20 years old student from the Netherlands, I want to become a teacher at primary school. My education takes 4 years, right now i'm re-doing the third year. - -I struggle with my past, I do not have had a save bonding with my parents and family and in that time I was bullied at primary school. At my 18th I got involved in a situation of sexual unacceptable behaviour. That was the last thing what made me stop (for a short time) with my study. That year, I had a lot of spare time and after that year, I had to start again with that year of my education. The hard thing about it is, my problems are not solved. In that year off, I had therapy, but it wasn't the right fit for me. After the therapy, I thought I could start over, but right now I notice the problems are coming back again. - -The situation is right now: I have a lot to do for school, in 3 weeks there is a big deadline and it is almost impossible to fix the stuff I have to do. -There is a lot of work to do, but I am not motivated at all to do something. I lay in bed till 12pm or do something I like to do (and isn't nessecary). - -Last week I went to the doctor, to start therapy again. I think that is a good start. - -I really want to go on with my life, but I am so tired of it all. I want to stop, not facing my problems and do something easy, but that isn't the solution. - -Im so alone in this all, I have told some friends, but not my parents (cause they will be so judgy) - -After a year of doing less work than the other years, for me it is very hard to go on, to concentrate on something and to end it. I'm afraid I lost my dicipline and I know I have some other problems (which I want to ""fix"" by therapy). I feel like a failure and I'm sad and mad. - -A good friend of mine said it is normal that I am not motivated, by the problems I have (about my past and familysituation), that I don't have to ask my self too much. She is way more kind to me than I am to myself. On the other hand, I don't want to be too kind, in some way I have to do more. - -Well, this is the situaition I live in.. I wonder if there are more people who share a part of my situation.",1,hi first post write story curious people im 0 year old student netherlands want become teacher primary school education take year right third year struggle past save bonding parent family time bullied primary school th got involved situation sexual unacceptable behaviour last thing made stop short time study year lot spare time year start year education hard thing problem solved year therapy right fit therapy thought could start right notice problem coming back situation right lot school week big deadline almost impossible fix stuff lot work motivated something lay bed till pm something like nessecary last week went doctor start therapy think good start really want go life tired want stop facing problem something easy solution im alone told friend parent cause judgy year le work year hard go concentrate something end afraid lost dicipline know problem want fix therapy feel like failure sad mad good friend mine said normal motivated problem past familysituation ask self much way kind hand want kind way well situaition live wonder people share part situation -"I am 42, and have been battling depression since 14. Throughout the years I’ve been on anti-depressives pretty much the whole time. Just when I feel like I’m maybe stabilizing, or, dare I say it, getting better, I go crashing back down to the bottomless pit of sadness. Right now I’m on vacation in a tropical island-a dream for me-yet here I am constantly emotional and unable to find joy. -Has anyone ever gotten over depression for good? Or will this plague me until the end?",1,battling depression since throughout year anti depressive pretty much whole time feel like maybe stabilizing dare say getting better go crashing back bottomless pit sadness right vacation tropical island dream yet constantly emotional unable find joy anyone ever gotten depression good plague end -"I little personal reflection here I guess. - -I've been working so hard to not want to kill myself. Trying to give myself space to heal while also when possible pushing myself to get back to life. And I've been doing amazingly, going from my days being filled with trying to not want to die to actually cleaning my appartment and doing things. - -The last couple of weeks have definitely been a relapse. 2 of my pets, who we're the reason I was keeping myself alive and getting out of bed in my deepest moments, have died within the same month, in dramatic ways. - -I've been trying to keep my head above water and to keep doing what I'm suppose to do and the longer I tried to do it, the more I went back to feeling like life is a never ending cycle of doing the same shit thing till you die. I've been feeling more and more again like it doesn't matter how hard I try. - -And today it just became to much. I'm sitting here alone in this messy appartment that I'm never gonna get under controle, my partner is out all day and I just feel pain being alive again. So I selfharmed again after 2 months of not wanting to do it. Nothing serious or permantly damaging, I've never done something permanently damaging. - -It felt both deliberating and just sad. Deliberating cause it did help me and calmed me down in the moment. Sad because you never wanna have to do this to stay alive and okay enough. - -I don't really feel guilty or bad about doing it. Relapsing can happen right? Two steps forward 1 step back. And I guess I also feel calmer about it, knowing that I did get myself on a upward slope so that means I can get myself there again. So I guess I feel hopefull while feeling like this. - -So I guess I'm not doing well but I've been getting back from worse.",1,little personal reflection guess working hard want kill trying give space heal also possible pushing get back life amazingly going day filled trying want die actually cleaning appartment thing last couple week definitely relapse pet reason keeping alive getting bed deepest moment died within month dramatic way trying keep head water keep suppose longer tried went back feeling like life never ending cycle shit thing till die feeling like matter hard try today became much sitting alone messy appartment never gon na get controle partner day feel pain alive selfharmed month wanting nothing serious permantly damaging never done something permanently damaging felt deliberating sad deliberating cause help calmed moment sad never wan na stay alive okay enough really feel guilty bad relapsing happen right two step forward step back guess also feel calmer knowing get upward slope mean get guess feel hopefull feeling like guess well getting back worse -"I have already given up on my life cuz I have realised no matter what I do nothings ever gonna make me happy . Happiness is an illusion a myth and it's always the next step like do this after that you will be happy do that you everything will be fine but that next step where the door of happiness exists never comes .We are always step /steps back to happiness ,most close you can get is that you can knock on the door .",1,already given life cuz realised matter nothing ever gon na make happy happiness illusion myth always next step like happy everything fine next step door happiness exists never come always step step back happiness close get knock door -"I feel like my body is just a piece of meat i'm forced to watch destroy itself. it's like there is 2 beeings inside it, me and an animal that does and interacts dumb and not as it should. And I can't change that, as I am not the one doing all of this bad things but the other beeing -here is some context so you don't think im a serial killer -Im 18 -I'm in my last year of highschool and i got 3 big final exams that will decide if I go to college or not, or as my dad says, if i get to live a nice life and have a good job or be unemployed and a shadow that covers the earth with no meaning or purpouse -My mom is the one that understands me better and tries to help me and believes I will make it in life, she even decides to lie for me regarding some bad grades so my dad doesn't get pissed off -I am doing extremely bad in school. Math is my kryptonite -when I say I do extremely bad in school what I mean is, I can't get myself to study, i have some decent grades but not anything crazy. Lets say im doing okay BESIDES MATH. oh boy. At math, i have a strict teacher that looks like jabba from star wars ( Im a hypocrite also ) -everytime I get a math test I feel like I did okay, only to see my grade and be disappointed in myself. I really don't like studying. Right now Im doing this to avoid doing my homework? -I....I feel like i am watching myself ruin my life and I can't do anything. I feel like I'm watching myself act like I shouldn't. There's no worse feeling than knowing you are wrong but can't change yourself. I just want to get my exams and make my parents proud. I don't want to make my mom sad anymore. But my other side would do anything but what it should. Im honestly soo dumb. I wish I could get myself to do this. Every second of my existence I think about my exams, how am I going to fail them and how I can't change this. This is beyond pathetic, some people have serious issues yet im making all of this bullshit in my brain. Im just soo stressed. -everytime -i wish i could just get a seizure and end this. Im sorry -I don't even know what help should I ask for. even if I get any advices i can't guarantee ill take them. my brain is on another level of fuckery. -I'll end this rant in a positive note: I hope I'm doing my homework and I understand it while you are reading this. I really hope i make it past this 3 months after im done with my finals",1,feel like body piece meat forced watch destroy like beeings inside animal interacts dumb change one bad thing beeing context think im serial killer im last year highschool got big final exam decide go college dad say get live nice life good job unemployed shadow cover earth meaning purpouse mom one understands better try help belief make life even decides lie regarding bad grade dad get pissed extremely bad school math kryptonite say extremely bad school mean get study decent grade anything crazy let say im okay besides math oh boy math strict teacher look like jabba star war im hypocrite also everytime get math test feel like okay see grade disappointed really like studying right im avoid homework feel like watching ruin life anything feel like watching act like worse feeling knowing wrong change want get exam make parent proud want make mom sad anymore side would anything im honestly soo dumb wish could get every second existence think exam going fail change beyond pathetic people serious issue yet im making bullshit brain im soo stressed everytime wish could get seizure end im sorry even know help ask even get advice guarantee ill take brain another level fuckery end rant positive note hope homework understand reading really hope make past month im done final -"I don't know if its just my OCD acting up or if its some real trauma but in high-school I had a ""friend"" that really lowered my self esteem. Told me that "" I have no one to talk to"", ""always alone"", ""more I speak the dumber I sound"", kind of treat me like shit at every possibility, sometimes trying to embarrass me in front of other. It wasn't just towards me but I think because I was so nice to him he took advantage of that. Anyways, Its been 6 years and it still bugs me. I did have therapy and to be honest it was quite useless. There is simply not much a stranger can do to help my situation. I was always a very sensitive - avoidant person and running into a person like that really destroyed me. Not just that but hate that I didn't stand up for myself. My therapist recommends meditation and slowly getting yourself out there but almost none of it helps. - -I don't understand why someone would come into someone's personal space and violate you for no particular reason. He didn't do that because he found it funny, just did it for the sake of it. I hate disagreeable people like him and fear running into people like that. I also stated skipping class. From then on I spent the last 4 years of college in my room skipping nearly all my classes. ",1,know ocd acting real trauma high school friend really lowered self esteem told one talk always alone speak dumber sound kind treat like shit every possibility sometimes trying embarrass front towards think nice took advantage anyways year still bug therapy honest quite useless simply much stranger help situation always sensitive avoidant person running person like really destroyed hate stand therapist recommends meditation slowly getting almost none help understand someone would come someone personal space violate particular reason found funny sake hate disagreeable people like fear running people like also stated skipping class spent last year college room skipping nearly class -"Lately I've been suffering from a lot of sadness, I even struggle trying to get up of my bed, I don't know what is happening to me I'm only 15 and i already want to Kms, -I'm so sick of school I don't understand anything and it just makes my head hurt, I can't keep going like this I don't know how to feel better, I'm already seeing a therapist and taking medication but it doesn't work at all. -Please help",1,lately suffering lot sadness even struggle trying get bed know happening already want km sick school understand anything make head hurt keep going like know feel better already seeing therapist taking medication work please help -"it’s so hard getting out of bed, going to work and pretending you don’t have a million things on your mind. -it’s so hard having a conversation with a coworker pretending that you’re okay. -it’s so hard smiling at the customers while you wonder if they can tell you’re not really smiling. -it’s so hard to put on a mask everyday so you don’t hear “are you okay?“ -i don’t want people to ask me if i’m okay because i’m not even sure how to answer.",1,hard getting bed going work pretending million thing mind hard conversation coworker pretending okay hard smiling customer wonder tell really smiling hard put mask everyday hear okay want people ask okay even sure answer -"What's dating/relationships like for the rest of you? -More specifically, I'm curious what it's like for those of us who have partners. Do they make it easier or harder? Are they supportive, patient, understanding? -And partners of those struggling with depression, I would love to hear from. - -I am incredibly lucky to have a partner that is all of those things, yet sometimes that can make me feel so much worse. I'm a huge burden on him, a huge worry. Every night he calls, every cut he cries for, everytime I pitifully sob in his arms he cradles me and tells me it will be okay. And yet, he tries to keep his shitty days to himself. I feel like he's disconnected me from his emotions so I have one less thing to worry about, but I want him to talk to me. - -I often feel like I should break up with him to spare him from me, I know he can do so much better - but I promised I wouldn't make his choice for him, and I meant it. I love him too much to even see that as a real option. Often times he's the only person I talk to all day, the only reason I take care of myself, leave the house, work. For him. - -I don't want to be a weight on his shoulders.",1,dating relationship like rest specifically curious like u partner make easier harder supportive patient understanding partner struggling depression would love hear incredibly lucky partner thing yet sometimes make feel much worse huge burden huge worry every night call every cut cry everytime pitifully sob arm cradle tell okay yet try keep shitty day feel like disconnected emotion one le thing worry want talk often feel like break spare know much better promised make choice meant love much even see real option often time person talk day reason take care leave house work want weight shoulder -"I sometimes wish I could do it. Just finally end it. Then I catch myself and I tell myself why I am here… for me. - -I am so tired. I am tired of working my 9-5 job I am tired of repeating everything over and over again. - -I feel like everything I have in my life I destroy. I am trying my best to move on from my break up. I reflected and I pushed him away I was toxic. I feel like a shitty human being. That maybe does deserve to die. If I could take it all back I would. - -I tried so hard to keep the relationship healthy that in the end it wasn’t. The worst part is I made him feel like he couldn’t even tell me how he felt. The day he discussed it with his friend was the same day we hung out. He never said a word. - -I just don’t want to be here right now. I just want to disappear. I ruined everything in my life. I am done. - -I’m not going to end it, because thinking of the pain I cause others hurts. But being alive hurts me more.",1,sometimes wish could finally end catch tell tired tired working 9 job tired repeating everything feel like everything life destroy trying best move break reflected pushed away toxic feel like shitty human maybe deserve die could take back would tried hard keep relationship healthy end worst part made feel like even tell felt day discussed friend day hung never said word want right want disappear ruined everything life done going end thinking pain cause others hurt alive hurt -"I've been just waiting for over a week and I can't do it, I'm making 0 progress on everything. I'm not even going outside anymore (never happen before) and it's not because of anxiety, I just don't want to. I don't care about the consequences, I guess I just kind of gave up. I keep waiting for something but it's not gonna happen, I went from feeling like shit to being a completely unproductive piece of shit. Genuinely one of the worst decisions I've made in a long time but I'm too far in to give up and getting off it is supposed to be even worse. - -Mirtazapine, 15g then 30 last few days. Increased my appetite but I can't be bothered to eat, helped with sleep but now I can't get up. What am I supposed to do? Have to wait a few days for follow up with doctor",1,waiting week making 0 progress everything even going outside anymore never happen anxiety want care consequence guess kind gave keep waiting something gon na happen went feeling like shit completely unproductive piece shit genuinely one worst decision made long time far give getting supposed even worse mirtazapine g 0 last day increased appetite bothered eat helped sleep get supposed wait day follow doctor -"Yea, what the title said.",1,yea title said -"when people ask me what i wanna do or what my plan for something is, i always kinda give a vague idea or like say very generic thing everyone around my age might be saying like “oh i wanna move out and pursue this or that” type stuff, but in reality, i don’t even know if i want to be here. - -i think that my lack of proper planning for things or goal setting is because when i was younger, i had to go through a lot of difficult things that traumatized me and made me minimize the space i took up not only in everyone else’s lives, but in my own. so much to the point that i didn’t even think i was gonna make it to the age that i am today (23). i really only planned on being here a day longer than i was yesterday and eventually it’s added up and i have been here for this many years. i don’t know how to look forward or plan for things ahead farther than tomorrow really because i never intended to be here for that long anyway, but it’s becoming a really bad problem as i am in my 20s and everything i do now is going to affect the rest of my life. it’s hard to know what i want to do or what i want to pursue when my whole life i didn’t think that i would even be here. - -i am so lost and genuinely don’t know what i am doing or who i am and i feel detached from everyone around me. i feel like i am just existing and i am thankful for the things i’ve experienced and the people in my life and all that, but i’m just so lost. i genuinely have no words to describe the void i feel and sometimes cannot believe that i did this to myself. i made myself so small, i don’t even see me, so how could anyone else see me? - -it’s so hard when your own mind is the thing that makes it hard for you to do anything and i’ve just been struggling a lot lately.",1,people ask wan na plan something always kinda give vague idea like say generic thing everyone around age might saying like oh wan na move pursue type stuff reality even know want think lack proper planning thing goal setting younger go lot difficult thing traumatized made minimize space took everyone else life much point even think gon na make age today really planned day longer yesterday eventually added many year know look forward plan thing ahead farther tomorrow really never intended long anyway becoming really bad problem 0 everything going affect rest life hard know want want pursue whole life think would even lost genuinely know feel detached everyone around feel like existing thankful thing experienced people life lost genuinely word describe void feel sometimes believe made small even see could anyone else see hard mind thing make hard anything struggling lot lately -I watch pornography when I feel depressed or stressed in my shitty job as a dentist but I heard that it can worsen your situation?? Also I'm doing it like once or twice a week.,1,watch pornography feel depressed stressed shitty job dentist heard worsen situation also like twice week -"I just want to disappear - -I don’t know how to start this but I just want to disappear, disappear from my life, from everything, from everyone. I feel so alone and I can’t talk to anyone personally in my life because it’s hard to admit that I’m struggling mentally. It’s hard for me to tell people I want to disappear from their lives as I fear they will take it personally. -I’m just tired of my life, I’m tired of the battles I constantly have to face and the struggles it gives me. The idea of disappearing feels like weight is lifted of my shoulders and I can breathe again, the idea feels so calm and relaxing as that is all I’ve ever wanted.. peace. - -it’s easy for me to think that no one will care that I’m gone, no one will look for me or try to search for me but I know that’s no true. -So I stay, I stay to exist another day, to deal with life’s problems and the anxiety i feel with it. Because everyone has to deal with life, why can’t I… - -So I disappear in my thoughts as all I have to escape from everything and everyone.",1,want disappear know start want disappear disappear life everything everyone feel alone talk anyone personally life hard admit struggling mentally hard tell people want disappear life fear take personally tired life tired battle constantly face struggle give idea disappearing feel like weight lifted shoulder breathe idea feel calm relaxing ever wanted peace easy think one care gone one look try search know true stay stay exist another day deal life problem anxiety feel everyone deal life disappear thought escape everything everyone -"I always had that sinking feeling it was there but was never able to find that proof. I would've done anything for her. She built me up for so long, all my life saying I would go far and be the best I can. This positive reinforcement kept up until graduated high school in 2019. I was taking a gap year so I was trying to find work in the mean time. The pandemic hit as I was searching and many businesses had already laid off so many and were not hiring. At this point, I was getting the sly comment hear and there but nothing too sinister for the most part. Only after going from job to job only to be taken advantage of or have my hours cut did it escalate more. - -Fearing no other alternative, I went back to an old company I had left due to the amount of hours we had to work and my physical wellbeing was deteriorating while there. I was not hired based on the fact I had quit so many jobs in a short amount of time. The abuse began to hit a whope new level. - -I am berated whenever I come from my room, criticized for all the simplest thing forgotten, told I'm the idiot of the family for not paying attention to everything 24/7, and continuously told I will never make it on my own and will die outside. I finally hit my breaking point. And while I cried for myself, thinking about all I had done, she watched. I didn't see her face but she was judging me the whole time and left me. - -I knew she didn't care anymore. And she never has. I have hit a whole new low of depression.",1,always sinking feeling never able find proof would done anything built long life saying would go far best positive reinforcement kept graduated high school 0 9 taking gap year trying find work mean time pandemic hit searching many business already laid many hiring point getting sly comment hear nothing sinister part going job job taken advantage hour cut escalate fearing alternative went back old company left due amount hour work physical wellbeing deteriorating hired based fact quit many job short amount time abuse began hit whope new level berated whenever come room criticized simplest thing forgotten told idiot family paying attention everything continuously told never make die outside finally hit breaking point cried thinking done watched see face judging whole time left knew care anymore never hit whole new low depression -"TLDR; here are my questions: has anyone had depression symptoms improve after they broke up with a long-term partner who was not right for them? Were you able to see in retrospect how the bad relationship was intensifying your mental health problems? How did you make the decision to break up? - -My current depressive episode has been going strong since mid-2020 with almost no letup. I’m in therapy for childhood trauma for the first time (therapist says I have CPTSD). I can feel my deep self-hatred beginning to heal, which is something I didn’t think was possible. It’s awesome. But my depression symptoms are getting worse — no motivation, feelings of complete emptiness, gnawing sadness… - -My work in therapy has also illuminated aspects of my 7-year romantic relationship which mirror the emotional abuse I suffered as a child. I have been as candid as possible with this about my partner. They have been genuinely remorseful, and we are working on shifting our dynamic in couples therapy. I am pleased to see changes in the way they treat me, but I don’t feel any less pissed off about waking up alive everyday. It’s really difficult to parse out how much of this current depressive episode is coming from my brain chemistry, and how much is coming from the fact that I’m living with someone who betrayed my sense of emotional safety. I’m trying to forgive my partner because I truly love them with all of my heart and want to give our relationship a fair chance to improve, but I am struggling to forgive them for the borderline emotional abuse that happened.",1,tldr question anyone depression symptom improve broke long term partner right able see retrospect bad relationship intensifying mental health problem make decision break current depressive episode going strong since mid 0 0 almost letup therapy childhood trauma first time therapist say cptsd feel deep self hatred beginning heal something think possible awesome depression symptom getting worse motivation feeling complete emptiness gnawing sadness work therapy also illuminated aspect year romantic relationship mirror emotional abuse suffered child candid possible partner genuinely remorseful working shifting dynamic couple therapy pleased see change way treat feel le pissed waking alive everyday really difficult parse much current depressive episode coming brain chemistry much coming fact living someone betrayed sense emotional safety trying forgive partner truly love heart want give relationship fair chance improve struggling forgive borderline emotional abuse happened -"Sometimes, all I want is for someone to tell me “everything will be okay”, “I’m proud of you “, “I love you”, “you’re doing great”, just general supportive words, you have no idea how happy a simple “good job” can make you feel.",1,sometimes want someone tell everything okay proud love great general supportive word idea happy simple good job make feel -"I feel like I don’t deserve to be happy. I have so much in life I’ve got to look to look forward too. I have loving friends and family, a good job, a decent living situation, and I’ve even recently got into a poly relationship with two awesome people. But I feel as if I don’t deserve any happiness at all. It could be that I’m dating two guys and my parents are strictly against anything homosexual. It could be the fact that I may be addicted to porn, or hell, it could even be just some other random thing in my life. But I just feel like I’m happy one day, then depressed as hell the next day. I don’t know what to do, who to talk too or how to fix this. I don’t even know if this is the right subreddit to put this here but I’m out of options.",1,feel like deserve happy much life got look look forward loving friend family good job decent living situation even recently got poly relationship two awesome people feel deserve happiness could dating two guy parent strictly anything homosexual could fact may addicted porn hell could even random thing life feel like happy one day depressed hell next day know talk fix even know right subreddit put option -"I feel like I’m really close to ending my own life. I cant imagine myself living another year. I’ve had happy days but I haven’t been able to appreciate anything good that has happened to me. I’m so hyper focused on every bad thing that it just makes me want to end it all. The only thing that’s really stopping me is lack of a proper method and making it seem like a big deal. I don’t want anyone to care, I don’t want it to effect my family or for them to even notice. I’m trying to distance myself from everyone close to me so I can make it easier on them when I’ve finally had enough. The sad part is that I’ve been so lucky to have a decent upbringing but everything I feel right now is just my fault. I don’t have any valid reason to feel this way, so many people have had it worse. I cant even be mad at anyone else. I did it to myself and I continue to do this. I obsess over my appearance too much and it just hurts looking at myself. I cant stand to hear myself speak or let other people see me. I’m so disappointed in myself for letting this happen to me. I don’t think I’ll be able to get out this mindset and as soon as the time is right, I’ll probably take the east way out. Man this sucks.",1,feel like really close ending life cant imagine living another year happy day able appreciate anything good happened hyper focused every bad thing make want end thing really stopping lack proper method making seem like big deal want anyone care want effect family even notice trying distance everyone close make easier finally enough sad part lucky decent upbringing everything feel right fault valid reason feel way many people worse cant even mad anyone else continue ob appearance much hurt looking cant stand hear speak let people see disappointed letting happen think able get mindset soon time right probably take east way man suck -"33m. Moved home to my parents' during COVID in summer 2020 to save money as everything was remote. Everything is still remote, so I decided to stay. However, I miss big city life, with more bars, restaurants, more stuff to do, the higher number of single 20/30 somethings like myself. Going back to LA is a no-go as rent is absurd, and I'd be paying almost half of my salary just to have a decent 1 bedroom apartment. I'm currently renting a house from family, but I'm lonely as fuck. I live in a small town with 15,000 people. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place.",1,moved home parent covid summer 0 0 save money everything remote everything still remote decided stay however miss big city life bar restaurant stuff higher number single 0 0 somethings like going back la go rent absurd paying almost half salary decent bedroom apartment currently renting house family lonely fuck live small town 000 people feel stuck rock hard place -"Hello everyone, - -I'm 27 male and don't really know how to assess my current situation. I'll start from scratch. My grandpa was a bully and abused my mother when she was a child. He also did this with my sister when she was about 6 years old. My brother was also completely influenced by him and also abused my sister at the time. He was around 10 years old. I saw that live once too. At that age (about 8 years old) I couldn't assess and classify the situation. Had suppressed that very well, until my sister came to a clinic for depression around 2018 and completely unpacked during the stay. From that point on, things really went down hill for me. All the pictures from back then came up again. My sister and my brother have spoken out and get along well again. I smoked pot a lot back then because it always distracted me. My mother had already attempted suicide twice. I am always completely unmotivated and unhappy. Although unhappy is the wrong word. I'm just happy about almost nothing anymore. I also think about suicide from time to time, but I'm probably just too tired and scared to go through with it. I always like to be alone, but with a girlfriend it's a bit difficult from time to time because we live together. The few friends I have, thank God, understand me and don't push me into anything. My girlfriend is also very unstable mentally, but we both support each other very well. Gaming on the pc has helped me a lot for years. I have occasional nervous breakdowns where I just start crying. I've always hated my job, but that's probably just because I hate work in general. I loathe people in general and I don't like big gatherings either. Apart from my siblings and parents, I have very little or no contact with other relatives. Had ADHD as a child and have been taking Medikinet for 6 months as I still have the diagnosis. I wonder how others see it and whether I should seek external help. I think I'm doing just fine, but I'd be interested in an independent opinion. - -Pls be kind. English is not my native language.",1,hello everyone male really know ass current situation start scratch grandpa bully abused mother child also sister year old brother also completely influenced also abused sister time around 0 year old saw live age year old ass classify situation suppressed well sister came clinic depression around 0 completely unpacked stay point thing really went hill picture back came sister brother spoken get along well smoked pot lot back always distracted mother already attempted suicide twice always completely unmotivated unhappy although unhappy wrong word happy almost nothing anymore also think suicide time time probably tired scared go always like alone girlfriend bit difficult time time live together friend thank god understand push anything girlfriend also unstable mentally support well gaming pc helped lot year occasional nervous breakdown start cry always hated job probably hate work general loathe people general like big gathering either apart sibling parent little contact relative adhd child taking medikinet month still diagnosis wonder others see whether seek external help think fine interested independent opinion pls kind english native language -"I'll be 29 this year. I grew up very sheltered and in middle school was groomed by a teacher which has led to a lot of mental health issues. Mom was checked out due to illness and I am the youngest of 4. Her oldest child is the only ""healthy"" one. I have attempted suicide 3 times. The last time in 2019 which ruined things for me. I lost my job and had to move back home with mom. I hate it trust me. I decided fuck I should be doing something and started taking classes online. I used to live in a thriving city on my own, was in a relationship, had a steady career path and it's all gone now. Living here is awful and I really wish I was successful on my third attempt. Since 2019 I have applied for 439 jobs. I have only gotten interviews with 13 of those. One job offer and it fell through because they closed down due to covid. I am so tired. So worn out and I have no motivation for anything anymore. I feel like I should just end it somehow but deep down I want to live and be happy again. I can't do that in this state or small conservative town (less than 1000 people vs a progressive city I was living in of 100k that were lgbt friendly). Idk what to do anymore. I have maybe $2500 to my name and I wish that could get me out of here but it's not happening. Sorry for the rant just need to get this shit out.",1,9 year grew sheltered middle school groomed teacher led lot mental health issue mom checked due illness youngest oldest child healthy one attempted suicide time last time 0 9 ruined thing lost job move back home mom hate trust decided fuck something started taking class online used live thriving city relationship steady career path gone living awful really wish successful third attempt since 0 9 applied 9 job gotten interview one job offer fell closed due covid tired worn motivation anything anymore feel like end somehow deep want live happy state small conservative town le 000 people v progressive city living 00k lgbt friendly idk anymore maybe 00 name wish could get happening sorry rant need get shit -Can someone help me kill myself or give me ways to please I'm 16 I'm really done with life idc about anything anymore I don't want people to try and stop me like I just need a way to do it but idk how like what things to do love you all xx,1,someone help kill give way please really done life idc anything anymore want people try stop like need way idk like thing love xx -"I think I'm gonna call it quits. I just don't feel good. I don't feel like anyone cares about me. I don't feel like I bring value to anyone's life, let alone my own. - -Been listening to a song recently, and the lyrics just feel so resonant. I relate so hard. - - -""Do you ever get a little bit tired of life..."" - -""Like you're not really happy but you don't wanna die"" - -""Like you're hanging by a thread but you gotta survive"" - -""You gotta survive..."" - - -I don't want to die... But that thread, the little bit of myself that kept me wanting to survive is just... Frayed. It's razor thin and I just want to reach out and snap it already. Just get it over with. - -I'm tired. I'm hurting. I'm so fucking lonely. - -And I just want it to fucking stop.",1,think gon na call quits feel good feel like anyone care feel like bring value anyone life let alone listening song recently lyric feel resonant relate hard ever get little bit tired life like really happy wan na die like hanging thread got ta survive got ta survive want die thread little bit kept wanting survive frayed razor thin want reach snap already get tired hurting fucking lonely want fucking stop -"I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine - -Until once again I’m back in the pit and I’m wondering how long do I need to keep doing this for? When I stare at my computer screen another fucking 9-5 day of meaningless clicking so I can earn barely enough money to survive. Comparing myself with other people my age depresses me. - -I’m not so successful and I probably didn’t live up to anyones expectation including my own. But the more I think about it, based on all my trauma and self hatred where I am kinda makes sense. - -But the thought of I need to continue living like this, idling just living in the same page everyday… why? - -I have a vacation booked. And then what? I come back to the same meaningless routine. Every time after a vacation im more depressed that my life is how it is. Do I want to change? Sure, how? I don’t even have the energy or motivation. Nor do I have the strength or idea. - -Some days I feel like im living in my own paradox or dream, that my life isn’t even real. The past few weeks I been reliving my trauma and all the shit I went through continuously in my head. Why? I don’t even know. Maybe I‘m trying to understand myself. All I get are mood swings, bad attitude and bursts of anger. Maybe I should get on meds.",1,fine fine fine back pit wondering long need keep stare computer screen another fucking 9 day meaningless clicking earn barely enough money survive comparing people age depresses successful probably live anyones expectation including think based trauma self hatred kinda make sense thought need continue living like idling living page everyday vacation booked come back meaningless routine every time vacation im depressed life want change sure even energy motivation strength idea day feel like im living paradox dream life even real past week reliving trauma shit went continuously head even know maybe trying understand get mood swing bad attitude burst anger maybe get med -"Im [26M] ive been in a constant battle with anxiety and mood swing disorder, and i promised myself if life Dont get better by my 27th birthday, im offing myself… so idk if theres a god and Hes listening to me or if theres another world waiting for me….. i just need strength because i feel like this is my last chapter in life ….. and i feel ready",1,im ive constant battle anxiety mood swing disorder promised life dont get better th birthday im offing idk there god he listening there another world waiting need strength feel like last chapter life feel ready -"I know this is weird to ask but, anyone got any alternatives to cutting? I'm too scared to punch a wall (not scared enough to not cut somehow), and I can't cut without getting caught due to helicopter parents. They have caught me cutting so my mother does body checks regularly. Again, I know it's weird to ask, but any suggestions are appreciated.",1,know weird ask anyone got alternative cutting scared punch wall scared enough cut somehow cut without getting caught due helicopter parent caught cutting mother body check regularly know weird ask suggestion appreciated -"Hi - I’m new here and most of the time I’m in a real good place. Life has been really good since I had therapy. I haven’t felt like I want to end it in maybe five or six years now and that is not what I feel right now. But I do feel emptiness and shallow. I like to create to many things but after I share them all of the feelings disappear. I don’t feel good about it anymore. And when I’m alone it’s as if every thought in my head want to feel bad. I feel like crying but no tears come and it’s frustrating even. I don’t know who to talk to because everyone is so busy and I feel like disturbing. God, what do I do? Singing frustrates me and I’m a vocalist. I am taking a long walk right now but kind of lost the strength in my legs or my will to go further at the moment of writing. I’ll continue after typing this I guess.",1,hi new time real good place life really good since therapy felt like want end maybe five six year feel right feel emptiness shallow like create many thing share feeling disappear feel good anymore alone every thought head want feel bad feel like cry tear come frustrating even know talk everyone busy feel like disturbing god singing frustrates vocalist taking long walk right kind lost strength leg go moment writing continue typing guess -"Anytime I’m alone I’m instantly depressed… I can’t enjoy tv alone I can’t enjoy a walk alone I just hate it alone I just lay here all day in my bed on my phone for 14 hours then go to sleep but I get so sick of my phone, how can I be alone",1,anytime alone instantly depressed enjoy tv alone enjoy walk alone hate alone lay day bed phone hour go sleep get sick phone alone -"I don't really have any kind of hope that any other kind of love can truly save you. It has to be romantic. -Because you don't trust friends, or family when they tell you that the love you anymore. But if someone is willing to hold you, and stay with you for the rest of your life, just the initiative makes it feel better. - -But my problem doesn't even lie there. The real problem is that I don't really see myself as someone that can be loved. And the reasons are endless...I'm not good looking, I have severe social anxiety, and I'm just a handful of a person to deal with haha. And I definitely am not a person that should have been born, and even the one time I gave my heart to someone and tried to get to know them better with the hopes of igniting something real, it was a fail. And I can't help that I have no will left in me to live. - -I don't think writing this post will really achieve anything ultimately, but well it would be nice if someone could try to understand me.",1,really kind hope kind love truly save romantic trust friend family tell love anymore someone willing hold stay rest life initiative make feel better problem even lie real problem really see someone loved reason endless good looking severe social anxiety handful person deal haha definitely person born even one time gave heart someone tried get know better hope igniting something real fail help left live think writing post really achieve anything ultimately well would nice someone could try understand -"Hi hello idk why am I writing this I just need to vent out ok - -I can't type properly my eyes are flooding with tears rn - -I'm so fucked up right now - -Idk what to do - -&#x200B; - -No one got my back for fucks sake - -This is so messed up I wanna kill myself so bad - -I feel like I've done everything that I want :) - -If somehow I die... - -My biggest regret would probably be disappointing my mom. - -&#x200B; - -&#x200B; - -On a second thought, I don't really wanna die - -I'm just confused.. - -What is the life I wanna know my purpose? - -Being 19 years old and having nothing accomplished makes me feel shit - -Constantly lying about stuff making sins day after day - -Am I born to sin? - -&#x200B; - -&#x200B; - -I really felt lonely and thought that no one really cared about my existence. - -I saw my friends enjoying and posting their happy moments, I really felt cornered - -I spent another few days in my room. - -Then the other day I just went out for a walk - -&#x200B; - -I don't want this anymore - -my coping mechanism is smoke some cigarettes - -I don't want to be addicted - -I'm thinking about praying to God - -but i don't wanna pray for someone whom I don't believe to exist - -I'm starting to think what if someone just made up God - -IDK someone made up God for people who don't have someone to talk to.",1,hi hello idk writing need vent ok type properly eye flooding tear rn fucked right idk amp x 00b one got back fuck sake messed wan na kill bad feel like done everything want somehow die biggest regret would probably disappointing mom amp x 00b amp x 00b second thought really wan na die confused life wan na know purpose 9 year old nothing accomplished make feel shit constantly lying stuff making sin day day born sin amp x 00b amp x 00b really felt lonely thought one really cared existence saw friend enjoying posting happy moment really felt cornered spent another day room day went walk amp x 00b want anymore coping mechanism smoke cigarette want addicted thinking praying god wan na pray someone believe exist starting think someone made god idk someone made god people someone talk -"Through out the day, I keep telling myself okay tomorrow you need wake up and do these things so I have to go to sleep early (job search and practice permit test to get the license)but every night once it reaches 9:30 I find myself unhappy in my bed ruminating about how I messed up in life and how worthless I am that no one wants to hire me. I wonder is it even worth it? I then end up sleeping till like 2 or 3AM. I've applied to Food4Less, and such and have gotten either no calls or few places rejecting me. I stay up in bed, trying to find something that'll distract me or pacify me to sleep. And even when I do go to sleep early I dread waking up. I just wish I could sleep forever.",1,day keep telling okay tomorrow need wake thing go sleep early job search practice permit test get license every night reach 9 0 find unhappy bed ruminating messed life worthless one want hire wonder even worth end sleeping till like applied food le gotten either call place rejecting stay bed trying find something distract pacify sleep even go sleep early dread waking wish could sleep forever -"Where do I even start? - -This feeling has been going for years but now I reached a point where I am fully convinced that my life is just pointless/purposeless/empty. I keep finding ways to help myself to get better. Socialize, talk to a psychologist then I got refered to a psychiatrist and talk to God. I don't blame God for anything okay? I still believe in God. - -The psychiatrist did gave meds (Escitalopram&NA Divalproex&Quetiapin&Olanzapine&Vit B complex) for a year I took those meds constantly. After a year I was only prescribed with the first two meds. Then recently the psychiatrist needed to move up my meds to something more stronger because I said the meds didn't work. - -In socializing, I tried to talk to friends but I couldn't open myself fully to any of them. It is because no one listened or no one gave anything to help. Same goes with my family. I even tried looking for a relationship but with the trauma that my past caused me? My 2 ex's mirrored my depression towards me. I also tried dating apps but every single one is either horny or just hard to talk to. I tried to connect with workmates but you know that feeling when just can't connect? It's hard to describe but yeah.... Bottom line in socializing no one listens or gives help. - -In talking to God, I still believe that there's a purpose for everything. That's why we are created right? I really don't blame God for anything even though I am suffering so much. The only question is how long will I have to suffer? - -More details about work, right now I'm happy with what I'm doing. There's stress, problems and shitty experience but at least I get tasks that needs to be done. Yeah so when I'm given a task I can finish it regardless of my mentality. - -So my background, well I've been bullied since elementary until highschool for being different in the looks. It was 2nd year highschool when the whole class bullied me constantly. The teacher can't even help lol. My depression really attacked me in 2nd year college. There I realized all my sufferings, all my mistakes and all my regrets. I attempted suicide for like 6-8 times but always failed... unfortunately. Twice I got caught by my family they were concerned at first but as time passes by so is the concern. - -After all that I gave up trying to kill myself because I CAN'T! I'm too much of a coward to kill myself! All those physical abuse I tried to do on myself I can't do it twice. So yeah I'm like in the middle of trying to live and trying to kill myself. If only I'm brave enough to just commit suicide I would do it but I'm not. - -I actually tried to do sports. In the past I was very active in physical sports like taekwondo, athletics and mma. I even went to the gym; right now I'm doing biking. But all those physical activities stopped as I lost interest or no motivation anymore. I continued biking but everytime I do it I go full speed thinking I would die. Unfortunately, my body just holds the breaks to slow down and make turns. - -Right now... I just literally gave up on everything. I'm convinced that I'll be living my life like an empty shell. Meds don't work, socializing don't work and etc etc. I just do my work then after just back to emptiness. Again, I am able to do tasks but is it still living when you just do tasks out of obligation? - -For advices...sorry but I already heard too much but it didn't work. - -Anyways, just trying to vent out ...I hope this story is clear or understandable. - - -Thank you for reading.",1,even start feeling going year reached point fully convinced life pointless purposeless empty keep finding way help get better socialize talk psychologist got refered psychiatrist talk god blame god anything okay still believe god psychiatrist gave med escitalopram amp na divalproex amp quetiapin amp olanzapine amp vit b complex year took med constantly year prescribed first two med recently psychiatrist needed move med something stronger said med work socializing tried talk friend open fully one listened one gave anything help go family even tried looking relationship trauma past caused ex mirrored depression towards also tried dating apps every single one either horny hard talk tried connect workmate know feeling connect hard describe yeah bottom line socializing one listens give help talking god still believe purpose everything created right really blame god anything even though suffering much question long suffer detail work right happy stress problem shitty experience least get task need done yeah given task finish regardless mentality background well bullied since elementary highschool different look nd year highschool whole class bullied constantly teacher even help lol depression really attacked nd year college realized suffering mistake regret attempted suicide like time always failed unfortunately twice got caught family concerned first time pass concern gave trying kill much coward kill physical abuse tried twice yeah like middle trying live trying kill brave enough commit suicide would actually tried sport past active physical sport like taekwondo athletics mma even went gym right biking physical activity stopped lost interest motivation anymore continued biking everytime go full speed thinking would die unfortunately body hold break slow make turn right literally gave everything convinced living life like empty shell med work socializing work etc etc work back emptiness able task still living task obligation advice sorry already heard much work anyways trying vent hope story clear understandable thank reading -" - -Has anyone been prescribed Mirtazapine or Other Alpha-2 Receptor Antagonists to treat their anxiety? I would prefer not to use/start with SSRI's - -What was you experience?",1,anyone prescribed mirtazapine alpha receptor antagonist treat anxiety would prefer use start ssri experience -I'm tired of living. The one thing that kept me alive just weaponozed my mental health about 2 weeks ago and left. I'm tired of being stressed about everything bills and not knowing of I can feed myself. I've given up. How much oxy is lethal asking for... well myself...,1,tired living one thing kept alive weaponozed mental health week ago left tired stressed everything bill knowing feed given much oxy lethal asking well -I think the worst part of dealing with all of this is the absolute constant feeling of loneliness. Having no connection to anyone. Many act like they want to help but as soon as they see how deep and dark it is they back off. My phone stays pretty silent unless someone needs something.,1,think worst part dealing absolute constant feeling loneliness connection anyone many act like want help soon see deep dark back phone stay pretty silent unless someone need something -"I can’t manage to do anything. I haven’t showered for 9 days, haven’t brushed my teeth for a couple days, haven’t done my skincare routine in ages, haven’t been to the gym for weeks, haven’t been to university to see the lectures in weeks. I feel like I just can’t get a grip of my life, it’s getting tiring",1,manage anything showered 9 day brushed teeth couple day done skincare routine age gym week university see lecture week feel like get grip life getting tiring -"Burning the bridges of people I'm supposed to consider friends, but when was the last time I could call them that? - -Suddenly my life took a sudden stop and I needed to rest, well now I'm recovered and everyone has left me behind. So what do I do? - -I try reaching out, but get pushed aside for other more important people in their lives. Hurts when one of them was your ex partner who still wants to be your friend but can't put in any effort worth making it a lasting friendship. - -Best friend knows I'm socially inept and while I'm extroverted, I can't really meet new people on my own. So do they help me by introducing me to their dozens of Freiends they have despite being introverted? No, apparently you just want to keep me to yourself despite me literally begging for your help on multiple occasions. - -I hate this.. the only keeping me around is my cat, and it's not love anymore, I just don't want to leave him alone in the apartment with my rotting corpse that will only be found because I didn't come into work.",1,burning bridge people supposed consider friend last time could call suddenly life took sudden stop needed rest well recovered everyone left behind try reaching get pushed aside important people life hurt one ex partner still want friend put effort worth making lasting friendship best friend know socially inept extroverted really meet new people help introducing dozen freiends despite introverted apparently want keep despite literally begging help multiple occasion hate keeping around cat love anymore want leave alone apartment rotting corpse found come work -"So I have finally come to realize that I have had this fantasy that I have a family that cares. My mother has her own issues(Bi-Polar). My moms life partner just doesn't care and tells me to ""Get over it"". My sperm donor of a bio-dad remarried and has his own family now and is ecstatic about his grand kids. - -I feel like I was the throw away. Tossed out with the garbage when it comes to my parents. - -It has taken me 30+ years to come to this conclusion. Why did it take me so long when my sister said ""F\*ck you"" when she was 18? Hope is the only thing I can come up with to answer that question. - -They say Blood is thicker than water when it comes to family. I now disagree. I have finally come to the conclusion that my parents can kick rocks. If they fell off of a cliff I would watch them fall! Some would say ""that is a heartless thing to say about your parents"" but I am done. Done placing myself in a situation that allows my heart to be trampled by ones that claim to love me or ones I would think should care. - -All of these thoughts and outcomes in life have lead me to being suicidal and depressed. I am now working hard to manage my thoughts of suicide and depression. First thing is to get my finances in check, pay down my debt so I can become financially free to do what I want with my money. Second, and really while I am working on my finances, lose some weight and get my physical health back on track. - -It is time for me to start living this life I have been gifted with and see were it takes me. - -All I ask of you is your support and prayers. If interested check my profile from time to time as I make journal entries posting them to my personal profile. - -God bless! - -I love you all!",1,finally come realize fantasy family care mother issue bi polar mom life partner care tell get sperm donor bio dad remarried family ecstatic grand kid feel like throw away tossed garbage come parent taken 0 year come conclusion take long sister said f ck hope thing come answer question say blood thicker water come family disagree finally come conclusion parent kick rock fell cliff would watch fall would say heartless thing say parent done done placing situation allows heart trampled one claim love one would think care thought outcome life lead suicidal depressed working hard manage thought suicide depression first thing get finance check pay debt become financially free want money second really working finance lose weight get physical health back track time start living life gifted see take ask support prayer interested check profile time time make journal entry posting personal profile god bless love -"i don’t see the meaning of life in general or the purpose of my own life. i’ve been clinically depressed and in and out of therapy for seven years now which is 1/3 of my life, which makes me feel sad. i’ve reached this point where i don’t even have the desire to take an active role in anything that happens to me or in my choices. i feel very passive like i’m just sort of letting my life lead me instead of leading it. i feel dormant like i’m just existing and i’d barely even call myself alive. everyone around me has relationships, things to look forward to, goals to meet, etc. yet i’m only 21 years old and i cant find even one attainable thing that i have the desire to accomplish. i know i’m not supposed to compare because everyone is different and blah blah blah. but i’m jealous of others who are driven and motivated. i’m unhappy and unfulfilled, but simultaneously i’m burnt out from constantly trying to “work on myself,” get better, and look for things that will help change my mentality. i really don’t know what i should do next, that is if i can bring myself to do anything at all.",1,see meaning life general purpose life clinically depressed therapy seven year life make feel sad reached point even desire take active role anything happens choice feel passive like sort letting life lead instead leading feel dormant like existing barely even call alive everyone around relationship thing look forward goal meet etc yet year old cant find even one attainable thing desire accomplish know supposed compare everyone different blah blah blah jealous others driven motivated unhappy unfulfilled simultaneously burnt constantly trying work get better look thing help change mentality really know next bring anything -Why is sleeping alot so horrible for depression? Because of depression i sleep alot but on rare occasions with drug abuse which causes insomnia i am less depressed . Then i sleep again 10 hours /12 hours and i just feel horrible and suicidal .,1,sleeping alot horrible depression depression sleep alot rare occasion drug abuse cause insomnia le depressed sleep 0 hour hour feel horrible suicidal -"I often hold myself back from doing the things I want to do because I don't feel like I meet the ""bare minimum"" standards to have realistic prospects for success. What should I do to overcome this? - -For instance, I would love to be able to have a job, earn money, and be self-sufficient. I lost three jobs over the course of three months from 2013-2014, and I wound up in a deep depression from which I've been trying to crawl out of ever since. I later realized that I have ADHD-PI, which explains nearly every factor that contributed to my past underperformance: I was often late for work, I called in sick when I couldn't get out of bed, I was slow at my job, etc. I didn't realize that the issues I had were outgrowths of executive dysfunction, and once I realized I had ADHD, everything suddenly made sense. I had always been told, and in fact came to believe, that I was just lazy - that my lack of success was my attitude towards work, and it was as simple as that. But no, it's not actually so simple. - -Even so, I feel like I need to be 100% confident that it's under control before I attempt to re-enter the workforce. Here's why. - -I view being hired for any job as a promise on your part: when you accept a position, you are implicitly agreeing that you will be consistently hard-working, focused, and reliable. By ""consistently"", I mean *at least* 99% of the time. Everyone has the occasional bad day where they underperform, but to be a good employee, this needs to be a rare occurrence - no more than maybe once every six months or so, at the absolute most. You need to be on-time, you need to be consistently applying yourself to the extent where you're feeling exhausted by the day's end, and you need to be making a sustained effort to be living up to - and preferably *exceeding* - the expectations that are set out for you by your employers. In short, **you either make a full commitment, or you don't.** In my opinion, if you apply for a job and accept a position knowing full well that you're going to struggle with things as basic as punctuality or worker engagement, it is disingenuous for you to even send in an application in the first place. - -Another example: at 28 years old, I have never gone out on a single actual date with a woman, let alone anything beyond that. It just feels futile for me to even ask a woman out; I find it unrealistic to think that a woman would find me physically or romantically attractive. I feel like, in order to date someone, you have to be their equal by most metrics (equally attractive, equally successful, etc). At the very least, you have to fulfill some basic criteria: be employed full-time, have a driver's license, own a car, be adept at handling social situations, take good care of your body and your appearance, maintain a consistently clean and orderly living space, etc. Similar to employment, asking somebody out feels like yet another unspoken agreement: in doing so, you are effectively conveying that you *have* your life together, are able to *keep it together* on a consistent basis for the foreseeable future, and want to get to know them on an intimate level. Once again, **you either make a full commitment, or you do not.** If you can't give it 100% on a consistent basis, then don't waste their time. - -There are other things that hold me back from dating. Another factor is that I'm terrified of inadvertently going about it in an inappropriate manner (e.g. wrong place, wrong time, misreading signals) and making her uncomfortable with my overtures. Then there's the fact that I'm asexual, and probably wouldn't have a high enough libido to satisfy most women on a frequent enough basis. But the main reason is the fact that I don't think I am capable of making a full commitment. In my mind, it's all-or-nothing. - -I guess the long and short of it is that I don't apply for work, ask women out, or do much of anything with my life because **I don't think I'm good enough. I'm not worthy.** I doubt my capabilities as being on the same level as everyone else, and I don't want to pretend like I am capable of maintaining the kinds of commitments that most people are able to make.",1,often hold back thing want feel like meet bare minimum standard realistic prospect success overcome instance would love able job earn money self sufficient lost three job course three month 0 0 wound deep depression trying crawl ever since later realized adhd pi explains nearly every factor contributed past underperformance often late work called sick get bed slow job etc realize issue outgrowth executive dysfunction realized adhd everything suddenly made sense always told fact came believe lazy lack success attitude towards work simple actually simple even feel like need 00 confident control attempt enter workforce view hired job promise part accept position implicitly agreeing consistently hard working focused reliable consistently mean least 99 time everyone occasional bad day underperform good employee need rare occurrence maybe every six month absolute need time need consistently applying extent feeling exhausted day end need making sustained effort living preferably exceeding expectation set employer short either make full commitment opinion apply job accept position knowing full well going struggle thing basic punctuality worker engagement disingenuous even send application first place another example year old never gone single actual date woman let alone anything beyond feel futile even ask woman find unrealistic think woman would find physically romantically attractive feel like order date someone equal metric equally attractive equally successful etc least fulfill basic criterion employed full time driver license car adept handling social situation take good care body appearance maintain consistently clean orderly living space etc similar employment asking somebody feel like yet another unspoken agreement effectively conveying life together able keep together consistent basis foreseeable future want get know intimate level either make full commitment give 00 consistent basis waste time thing hold back dating another factor terrified inadvertently going inappropriate manner e g wrong place wrong time misreading signal making uncomfortable overture fact asexual probably high enough libido satisfy woman frequent enough basis main reason fact think capable making full commitment mind nothing guess long short apply work ask woman much anything life think good enough worthy doubt capability level everyone else want pretend like capable maintaining kind commitment people able make -Would anyone like to chat or maybe even voice chat? I’m just feeling like a total mess at the moment.,1,would anyone like chat maybe even voice chat feeling like total mess moment -well I am 22 rn haven't really achieved anything big in my life so far I honestly feel like shit while typing this I have never made such posts ever and honestly I am tryna express myself so I make some friends or have a good conversation as I said I am 22 I have been visiting a therapist and I have MDD (major depressive disorder) medications are helping though by I need to improve we don't have financial problem I really need to start making money for my own I guess I have seen a lot of people online that are doing much better than me and have achieved a lot and I am not even close to them well if anyone wants to talk or want to discuss something you can do it here or my dm :),1,well rn really achieved anything big life far honestly feel like shit typing never made post ever honestly tryna express make friend good conversation said visiting therapist mdd major depressive disorder medication helping though need improve financial problem really need start making money guess seen lot people online much better achieved lot even close well anyone want talk want discus something dm -"Without absolutely any context of myself I will disclose: When my depressive episodes come about, \[and these feel pretty major and intense when they do\] they feel and seem to get harder and harder literally as the years go by. We who struggle with depression are very tough because I feel like I barely scrape through each and every time, but it is becoming harder to bare and hold on and I worry for myself in the future. - -**Do any of you with depression feel like your episodes or however you describe it get harder and harder to bare when it comes about?** - -&#x200B; - -\`\`\~\~\~\~\~ its an expression of interest, curiosity \~\~\~\~\~",1,without absolutely context disclose depressive episode come feel pretty major intense feel seem get harder harder literally year go struggle depression tough feel like barely scrape every time becoming harder bare hold worry future depression feel like episode however describe get harder harder bare come amp x 00b expression interest curiosity -"I'm so exhausted... -My brain create me a child personality, a sort of a dissociation disorder, that take control of me, of my actions, of my voice, of my thoughts. So sometimes I'm a child because of my fucking depressed brain. - -I also have a lot of memory lost, it's like my memories reset all the time. - -My head is a prison, a hell. - -I hate this brain and I hate this existence.",1,exhausted brain create child personality sort dissociation disorder take control action voice thought sometimes child fucking depressed brain also lot memory lost like memory reset time head prison hell hate brain hate existence -"I’ve struggled with mental health issues since I was in elementary school. I’ve gone through periods where things have been really bad and others where I’m more normal. I’m doing really bad right now. I’m in law school, and I don’t have time for a breakdown, but I feel like I’m drowning. I have class in 3 hours, but I’ve been up all night crying. I don’t know what to do. My psychiatrist just put me on Wellbutrin, along with my current medicines of Prozac, Rexulti, and Buspar. I’m supposed to talk to my Dean today about my mental health issues but I don’t feel like I can get out of bed. This is ridiculous and I feel like I’m being lazy, but I legitimately feel like I’m suffocating. I want to not exist. Sorry if this makes no sense- everyone I know is asleep right now and I needed to talk.",1,struggled mental health issue since elementary school gone period thing really bad others normal really bad right law school time breakdown feel like drowning class hour night cry know psychiatrist put wellbutrin along current medicine prozac rexulti buspar supposed talk dean today mental health issue feel like get bed ridiculous feel like lazy legitimately feel like suffocating want exist sorry make sense everyone know asleep right needed talk -I’m alone (15m) i feel like ending it all i just want a girlfriend but i always get rejected!! i don’t want sex or nudes i want someone who i can care for and someone who can care for me!!,1,alone feel like ending want girlfriend always get rejected want sex nude want someone care someone care -"So many things I can’t/will never be able to do again. My friends talk about going skateboarding or how awesome it would be to go skiing. Soccer was my favorite sport and I can’t play anymore. Well, I can but at the risk of my left knee buckling in on itself (which it has done). Just the act of getting out of bed is painful. And every girl I talk to I eventually have to tell them I got hit by a car, which comes off as gaslighting, like i’m looking for sympathy. The last one I told said she’d help me through it or whatever but she just stopped talking to me after hanging out a couple times, which sounds like nothing but now I don’t talk to anyone. - -Perhaps the worst part is that the guy never even said he was sorry. - -My friends don’t even ask me how I’m doing. All they fucking talk about is dungeons and dragons. Nobody asks how I’m doing. Everyone is just like “oh yeah him, he got hit by a car” and just assume that i’m fine. - -All I think about is crying in someone’s arms. I am practically on the verge of tears every waking moment of every day. - -I guess what keeps me going is the fact that it could have been much worse. I could have not opened the trunk of my dads car in time and he could have crushed me from my knees up all the way to my chest rather than just at the knees. (I was getting my bags out of the back of my dads car when a guy in a F250 pickup truck pulled up behind me, either pulled too close and the car jumped forward when he put it in park or he just forgot to put it in park and it rolled forward pinning me at the knees between the two vehicles for like 6 seconds.)",1,many thing never able friend talk going skateboarding awesome would go skiing soccer favorite sport play anymore well risk left knee buckling done act getting bed painful every girl talk eventually tell got hit car come gaslighting like looking sympathy last one told said help whatever stopped talking hanging couple time sound like nothing talk anyone perhaps worst part guy never even said sorry friend even ask fucking talk dungeon dragon nobody asks everyone like oh yeah got hit car assume fine think cry someone arm practically verge tear every waking moment every day guess keep going fact could much worse could opened trunk dad car time could crushed knee way chest rather knee getting bag back dad car guy f 0 pickup truck pulled behind either pulled close car jumped forward put park forgot put park rolled forward pinning knee two vehicle like second -"I am 28, no job, no career, suffering from severe depression and anxiety for 6 years, therapy meds nothing helps, suffered emotionaly since teenage. Now m here all alone.. no one close.. totally done with life and thinking to end it. Thank u for reading.",1,job career suffering severe depression anxiety year therapy med nothing help suffered emotionaly since teenage alone one close totally done life thinking end thank u reading -"I guess I'm on here to get some things off my chest. Maybe even get some advice. I really just want someone to relate to what I'm going through. If you took the the time to read this, thank you. - -A little background. -I'm 30, Australian, cisgender male. I've lived in the foster care system. Which comes with a lot of different issues I couldn't possibly get into. - -I work for the government. (I can't say what I do here) I do some dangerous work that led to being assaulted in early January. I've since been on work cover for my mental health. Acute stress disorder. - -Every day gets harder. I wake up and I can't get out of bed, I sleep horrible hours, I smoke almost a pack a day and I play video games non stop. I feel like an exposed nerve some days. Every interaction with another human makes me nervous and the days I leave the house are becoming fewer. - -When I moved to my current town. I didn't really have friends. I've always struggled with social interactions. I joined a DnD group at a local hobby store in the hopes of making some friends. They were all relatively younger than me, all in their 20s. I gave it a go. - -Nonetheless, several sessions in, they've asked me not to come back. I didn't see it coming tbh. It disappoints me, because the reason why was unclear. I had thought we were friends. - -DnD was the general highlight of my week. It's not exactly a productive past time and most people probably think it's stupid or nerdy, tbh, it absolutely is. But, I felt accepted and it was a group who's social behaviour didn't revolve around drugs and alcohol. - - I'm trying so hard not to internalise it and just accept that maybe I just didn't mesh with the group. - -In addition to this, my problems are piling up. My car is completely useless, my back is causing issues and I'm gaining so much weight right now. Everything feels exhausting. - -My lifestyle is so toxic right now and I know something needs to change. I just don't know what to do... I feel so overwhelmed with life. The best advice I can find is to grow up, take responsibility for my life, but it rarely seems that simple. I feel like I have nothing left.",1,guess get thing chest maybe even get advice really want someone relate going took time read thank little background 0 australian cisgender male lived foster care system come lot different issue possibly get work government say dangerous work led assaulted early january since work cover mental health acute stress disorder every day get harder wake get bed sleep horrible hour smoke almost pack day play video game non stop feel like exposed nerve day every interaction another human make nervous day leave house becoming fewer moved current town really friend always struggled social interaction joined dnd group local hobby store hope making friend relatively younger 0 gave go nonetheless several session asked come back see coming tbh disappoints reason unclear thought friend dnd general highlight week exactly productive past time people probably think stupid nerdy tbh absolutely felt accepted group social behaviour revolve around drug alcohol trying hard internalise accept maybe mesh group addition problem piling car completely useless back causing issue gaining much weight right everything feel exhausting lifestyle toxic right know something need change know feel overwhelmed life best advice find grow take responsibility life rarely seems simple feel like nothing left -My depression and self harm are at an all time high and today I woke up and decided to give myself two black eyes by punching myself repeatedly until swollen cus I wanna look as bad as I feel. Now my boyfriend just got home and he’s super angry at me. How do I explain to this nigga it’s MY BODY MY CHOICE! And he shouldn’t be upset cus it’s life man. He got with someone 4 years ago that is severely fucked up and now he’s shocked that I’m doing fucked up shit. Like wtf type nigga is he ???,1,depression self harm time high today woke decided give two black eye punching repeatedly swollen cu wan na look bad feel boyfriend got home super angry explain nigga body choice upset cu life man got someone year ago severely fucked shocked fucked shit like wtf type nigga -My bf cheated on me. But got a dog today and my dog has made me feel so much better. Who needs a man.,1,bf cheated got dog today dog made feel much better need man -And then I realize “normal” is horrible and means working a job I hate to barely afford gas to work and killing brain cells with drugs to put up with it,1,realize normal horrible mean working job hate barely afford gas work killing brain cell drug put -"I'm scared of my future, I'm scared of taking responsibility for my own life, I'm scared of facing the consequences of my actions, I'm scared of making decisions because they might be the wrong ones, I'm scared of taking a step forward. I'm scared that there's nothing I can do with my life because I'm too scared of everything. - -I'm scared of living",1,scared future scared taking responsibility life scared facing consequence action scared making decision might wrong one scared taking step forward scared nothing life scared everything scared living -Why can’t I just do as my mother said and accwpt my body?,1,mother said accwpt body -"Everyone moved on, became a better person, happier, get a career and a life. Meanwhile, i'm still the same, stuck in the beginning.",1,everyone moved became better person happier get career life meanwhile still stuck beginning -It's gotten to the point where I'm purposely making myself sick so I will have to call out. But the end of the month is coming up and bills are piling up... I don't know what to do. I just don't want to do anything anymore and just lie in bed all day...,1,gotten point purposely making sick call end month coming bill piling know want anything anymore lie bed day -"I am moving and I might not be able to bring my cat with me. I haven't even had her 5 years. I am losing everything again. I have to move and start over and lose the people close to me. - -It feels like every time I try to improve my situation, I get worse. I know it'll get worse before it gets better but this is hell. I wish I could just have a safe place without having to uproot my life. - -The only apartment I can afford doesn't allow pets. I might just risk it and sneak my cat in anyways, but I am scared of being caught and evicted. God just....everything. Everything is too much. I have been crying for ages.",1,moving might able bring cat even year losing everything move start lose people close feel like every time try improve situation get worse know get worse get better hell wish could safe place without uproot life apartment afford allow pet might risk sneak cat anyways scared caught evicted god everything everything much cry age -"I didn't choose to be born, I didn't choose to have these vital instincts. It shouldn't fall onto me to overcome them. The World that gave birth to me should fix its mistake, I shouldn't be asked to fix it in its stead. It's not MY responsibility.",1,choose born choose vital instinct fall onto overcome world gave birth fix mistake asked fix stead responsibility -"And I feel nothing. Nothing at all. I almost flunked out of college twice, and here I am with straight a's last quarter, and I'm slated for a similar GPA this quarter, and yet I don't feel a thing about it. Everyone is telling me how proud I should be, I went from a high school slacker, to the one looking into med school, to the family fuck up, and now the one doing ok, all within a few years, fuck, I should be proud. And yet, I literally do not give a shit. All I feel is apathy. I'm just, so fucking tired, I feel like I'm just going through the motion - -Not sure what I'm looking for with this post. I just had to tell someone that I lack the capacity to care. My parents and partner were so happy when I told them the grade, I don't have the heart to tell them I don't really feel anything about it. Does anyone else just not care about achievements anymore? It'd feel nice to know I'm not the only one",1,feel nothing nothing almost flunked college twice straight last quarter slated similar gpa quarter yet feel thing everyone telling proud went high school slacker one looking med school family fuck one ok within year fuck proud yet literally give shit feel apathy fucking tired feel like going motion sure looking post tell someone lack capacity care parent partner happy told grade heart tell really feel anything anyone else care achievement anymore feel nice know one -"Or having a good day. Like “aren’t you supposed to be depressed? If you keep acting like this nobody will believe you.” That kind of mentality. - -I take hard classes. I take the max number of credits I can because if I’m not working I’m wasting time. I don’t study for shit. I get good grades. Surely this must mean I’m decently smart but I fucking hate that my grades don’t drop noticeably, because I wish someone would notice, or just care, or something, but I clearly can’t stand feeling like a failure more. - -And it doesn’t make sense because I feel like a failure all the time. Why not one more? - -It extends to stupider shit too. Like being in a good mood. Laughing. Stuff. I’m not happy, but it’s like the reflex is still there, and I’m so good at hiding it. I don’t know what I’m like when I’m actually happy, but I’m guessing better. Less angry, awkward. And does this mean people like that version of me better? Or do they just think this is me, normal. - -Fuck me. I wouldn’t ever go up to someone and ask for help, I couldn’t do it. But it would just be nice to have someone be concerned for me, naturally, without me asking.",1,good day like supposed depressed keep acting like nobody believe kind mentality take hard class take max number credit working wasting time study shit get good grade surely must mean decently smart fucking hate grade drop noticeably wish someone would notice care something clearly stand feeling like failure make sense feel like failure time one extends stupider shit like good mood laughing stuff happy like reflex still good hiding know like actually happy guessing better le angry awkward mean people like version better think normal fuck ever go someone ask help would nice someone concerned naturally without asking -"Hello. I feel terrible. I don't know where to start. I feel very bad, very anxious, my stomach is a ball of nerves, I feel so bad mentally that I feel sick physically. Everything is a challenge for me, I live in a foreign country and I signed for a language class that started somehow not from the beginning and this literally felt so bad. I really don't know how to explain how I feel and why I feel like this. Everything new scares me. My mother died two years ago. I can't sleep well, my heart literally hurts from all the anxiety I have. I don't know what to do with my life, I'm in a really bad place. I don't have a job right now (I'm signed to an agency that sends me to different warehouses and I'm booked now for 3 months), I don't have any special education, I figured I should study something to make my life better. I'm 35 years old. The job I'm doing right now is the reason I feel so terrible (my anxiety comes and goes) I feel it triggered my anxiety, because it's in a new warehouse with new people and it's something I've never done before. My boss didn't tell me where I'm going to do this job, she literally told me the night before that I have to go to a new place from tomorrow, she didn't explain absolutely anything for the job, she just left us there without information and resources and I feel that's why my anxiety came back with full strength. I was hoping that even something bad is going to happen to me so I won't have to go to work ( something like a car crash, something bad, but not too bad). My boss told me we could call her and ask her about the job, but she didn't pick up her phone when we tried calling her. She told us she may hire us after we do this job, I think this adds to the pressure. The thing is I think most people would see this as an opportunity, but it's a nightmare for me. My husband and I are doing this job, and he's not understanding or willing to help me. I tell him how I feel, but he's like ""you'll get better"". I don't think I'll get better, I have this anxiety for so long now, it comes and goes. It's not getting better. I don't know what to do with my life. I think anyone in my circumstances would actually feel good and here's me feeling anxious, desperate and just horrible. I don't wanna stay in this country, I wanna go somewhere else, but I don't think that's going to solve my problem as my problem is not the place, it's me.",1,hello feel terrible know start feel bad anxious stomach ball nerve feel bad mentally feel sick physically everything challenge live foreign country signed language class started somehow beginning literally felt bad really know explain feel feel like everything new scare mother died two year ago sleep well heart literally hurt anxiety know life really bad place job right signed agency sends different warehouse booked month special education figured study something make life better year old job right reason feel terrible anxiety come go feel triggered anxiety new warehouse new people something never done bos tell going job literally told night go new place tomorrow explain absolutely anything job left u without information resource feel anxiety came back full strength hoping even something bad going happen go work something like car crash something bad bad bos told could call ask job pick phone tried calling told u may hire u job think add pressure thing think people would see opportunity nightmare husband job understanding willing help tell feel like get better think get better anxiety long come go getting better know life think anyone circumstance would actually feel good feeling anxious desperate horrible wan na stay country wan na go somewhere else think going solve problem problem place -"I’m 15 and currently suffering from depression. I’ve stopped taking anti-depressants about 2 years ago because of quarantine and suicide-related thoughts (like overdosing or choking on meds). - -Because of that, I don’t know how to fall asleep quickly. I tried the 4-7-8 breathing technique, calming oil blends, even putting up some calming music on my phone. All of the things I've tried, nothing works for me. - -I just really wanna sleep early because my mom’s seriously mad at me for staying up late at night. Possibly thinking I'm using my phone when she turns her back. I just don’t wanna try to start taking those anti-depressants again. Any suggestions?",1,currently suffering depression stopped taking anti depressant year ago quarantine suicide related thought like overdosing choking med know fall asleep quickly tried breathing technique calming oil blend even putting calming music phone thing tried nothing work really wan na sleep early mom seriously mad staying late night possibly thinking using phone turn back wan na try start taking anti depressant suggestion -"Look at me and tell me why I shouldn’t just end it all today and tonight. My girlfriend thinks I’m an ugly waste of oxygen who has no value. - -It’s time for me to die",1,look tell end today tonight girlfriend think ugly waste oxygen value time die -"Got a driving ticket the other day, almost got another one today for parking in front of someone’s driveway",1,got driving ticket day almost got another one today parking front someone driveway -"Hi. I’ve been up and down over the years and have been diagnosed with MDD and ADD. I take meds and am in therapy off and on for periods of time. I cannot afford regular therapy and generally I am not doing too badly. I wake up each morning and get to work. I come home to my family. I do some yoga and try to move regularly. -I do not feel myself. I feel another cycle of darkness looming. I use cannabis daily and drink alcohol on weekends. I think if I drank during the week It could become a regular pattern. I want to shake this and I try different things. It is as if there is too much going on and filtering what I need is difficult. I’ve always had the mentality that we over complicate our lives. I would like to live out in the woods with no electricity or technology and not in an effort to isolate but just to simplify. -Not sure my point in posting this. I guess I am looking for some support and suggestions from others in how to feel connected. Take care folks.",1,hi year diagnosed mdd add take med therapy period time afford regular therapy generally badly wake morning get work come home family yoga try move regularly feel feel another cycle darkness looming use cannabis daily drink alcohol weekend think drank week could become regular pattern want shake try different thing much going filtering need difficult always mentality complicate life would like live wood electricity technology effort isolate simplify sure point posting guess looking support suggestion others feel connected take care folk -"Which came first? The chicken or the egg? Do I hate myself because of the constant rejection I’ve experienced my whole life, or am I constantly rejected because I hate myself? - -Both are true. Negative experiences are what made me doubt myself so much. If this keeps happening over and over again, then it must be because there’s something wrong with me that people want to run away from. I take it entirely personally. But on the other hand, people don’t want a person who hates themselves in their lives, so they reject me and distance themselves. I can never sustain positive self-worth, because every single time I’m rejected, I feel that they’ve judged my character in some way and determined me either insignificant or toxic to them. - -It’s a never-ending loop that ultimately leaves me alone and bitter. I don’t know how to fix it. Nothing seems to work. It’s like my mind is broken. I feel like an evolutionary failure, a cancerous lump meant to be excised from a healthy society. I feel like I’ve given up on myself.",1,came first chicken egg hate constant rejection experienced whole life constantly rejected hate true negative experience made doubt much keep happening must something wrong people want run away take entirely personally hand people want person hate life reject distance never sustain positive self worth every single time rejected feel judged character way determined either insignificant toxic never ending loop ultimately leaf alone bitter know fix nothing seems work like mind broken feel like evolutionary failure cancerous lump meant excised healthy society feel like given -"hi - -about an hour ago i opened my bearded dragons enclosure and picked him up to find him dead - -im so distraught - -and i feel like such a terrible person - -he was about 8 years old - -i’ve had him since i was 11 and i’m 17 now (he was 1.5 years old when i got him) - -in the last month or so my mental health has been very bad and i’ve been working 7 days a week and not had time to care for him at all - -this is my fault and i’m so upset - -he was counting on me to take care of him and i couldn’t - -i’m so disturbed by the way he looked when i picked him up, his eyes were black and sunken in and he was completely limp - -i don’t think i’m ever going to forgive myself for this i just feel like the most awful human being alive - -i’m going to miss him so much he was really special to me even though i’ve been unintentionally neglectful - -there’s so much i could have done - -i just don’t know what to do - -i feel so evil - -has anyone else lost a pet",1,hi hour ago opened bearded dragon enclosure picked find dead im distraught feel like terrible person year old since year old got last month mental health bad working day week time care fault upset counting take care disturbed way looked picked eye black sunken completely limp think ever going forgive feel like awful human alive going miss much really special even though unintentionally neglectful much could done know feel evil anyone else lost pet -"Vent/cry/needed to get it out. -It’s been 4 months since we had our miscarriage. Things were looking up as my cycle was finally back to normal. I was meant to ovulate this week and I felt hopeful. - -Last night I was waiting for my husband to get home from work and he was about 2 hours late. I was getting so worried when I finally received a knock on the door. 2 police officers informed me that my husband had been in a fatal car accident. Devastated doesn’t cut it. I can’t fathom life without him. - -Something that hurts and keeps running through my head right now is two things -1. I am about to go through our lost babies due date alone, while also grieving my husband -2. To have my rainbow baby, I will now need to find a new partner and then get to the stage of a relationship to even fathom trying again - so let’s say 5 years minimum. By then I will be considered a mature pregnancy and likely find it hard and be high risk - -I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how I can carry on. He was my world. I can’t do this without him.",1,vent cry needed get month since miscarriage thing looking cycle finally back normal meant ovulate week felt hopeful last night waiting husband get home work hour late getting worried finally received knock door police officer informed husband fatal car accident devastated cut fathom life without something hurt keep running head right two thing go lost baby due date alone also grieving husband rainbow baby need find new partner get stage relationship even fathom trying let say year minimum considered mature pregnancy likely find hard high risk know know carry world without -"I don't know if i want to wipe who i am and have been for so long now, or if i want to wipe ou my existence. So long I've told myself and forced myself to live just one more day, because one day or another it will be different right?? One day or another, it will be better right?? -These days, there's another loud thought i have- not being here at all is different. it is better. It might not be the most pleasant choice, but it is a choice all the same. And it is the only choice that says- ""you'll never have to hurt again. you'll never have to hold your hand when you break. you'll never ave to cry again. it will all end, forever."" - -This thought is the only thing that seems to care about me anymore.",1,know want wipe long want wipe ou existence long told forced live one day one day another different right one day another better right day another loud thought different better might pleasant choice choice choice say never hurt never hold hand break never ave cry end forever thought thing seems care anymore -why is it that whenever i try to change or become better. and i so i go chase new experiences and end up going through learning or doing different things it just becomes a bad memory. i feel as if everything i had positive aspects to turns into something negative. things i think will turn out for the better turn out to be bad and miserable which makes everything in my past and present miserable. can anyone else relate or understand what i’m trying to say. it’s hard to explain in words.,1,whenever try change become better go chase new experience end going learning different thing becomes bad memory feel everything positive aspect turn something negative thing think turn better turn bad miserable make everything past present miserable anyone else relate understand trying say hard explain word -"I keep thinking of her as transphobic because a year and a half ago, she told me all her thoughts of transgender and now I don't feel comfortable talking to her about it.",1,keep thinking transphobic year half ago told thought transgender feel comfortable talking -"I'm coming back around from a deep hole of depression out of the last couple days (maybe some of my hardest). My life is a whirlwind, and I accidentally got off my meds for 5 days. One day off will really throw me. Didn't even realize that I didn't take my meds until things calmed down that 5th day. - -I was posting here yesterday, and some of you really helped me out. I'm on the other side of it now and just want to thank this sub. - -It was a brutal low that lasted for sooo long. I'm on the other side now. If I could go back to tell myself anything it's this: - -""Hold on. Yes, life sucks, but your brain is lying to you. You gotta **wait** until it starts telling you the truth again. It's hard. And it sucks. It sucks major donkey balls. You can't see any good right now, I know. You *have* to believe me. It's imperative. So just. Hold. On.""",1,coming back around deep hole depression last couple day maybe hardest life whirlwind accidentally got med day one day really throw even realize take med thing calmed th day posting yesterday really helped side want thank sub brutal low lasted sooo long side could go back tell anything hold yes life suck brain lying got ta wait start telling truth hard suck suck major donkey ball see good right know believe imperative hold -I stopped taking SSRIs about 3 months ago and have been really depressed and anxious since. I don’t have ADHD but I have an adderall prescription and take 20mg xr about 2-4 times a week. I am trying to find alternatives to taking medication for depression so I picked up some 50mg 5-htp supplements. Is it safe to take the two together? If not would it be safe to take the adderall in the morning and 5 htp at night?,1,stopped taking ssri month ago really depressed anxious since adhd adderall prescription take 0mg xr time week trying find alternative taking medication depression picked 0mg htp supplement safe take two together would safe take adderall morning htp night -Need someone to talk to,1,need someone talk -"Okay long text post here - - -I been depressed the past 4 years of my life (19 now). You know just typical depression. Not until recently I started getting like suicidal thoughts and ideations. Not so sure why. I started dating my boyfriend about a year ago and he is the light of my world and had helped me pretty much a lot. I’m not too sure why these thoughts and feelings are coming back to me. Harder than ever. My meds (cymbalta) quit working so I switched them. Then the new ones make me actually fucking insane.(pristiq) I can’t even trust myself to be alone. I am just thinking about killing myself and dying all that mumbo jumbo. My anxiety has been through the roofs as well. I also have insomnia which we have not found the right meds for that yet either so my whole life and brain is a cluster fuck. It would be so easy to end it. I never have had panic attacks until this new pristiq. I’ve also tried lexapro prozac and a few others which weren’t for me. They either make me zombie or literally nothing at all is different Can someone give me your input on what I should maybe try to do? - -My sleep has also been fucked the past few years. I stay up for days at a time bc I can’t fall asleep! I’m either not tired or j literally can’t actually fall asleep. -Now I have seroquel as needed. I don’t take that makes me feel weird. Zaleplon as needed. It literally doesn’t work on me. Not too sure why but whatever. And hydroxyzine and guess what that one doesn’t work either. - -Sleep has make me fail in school. Cant concentrate. Cant study. Cant do work. Mood brain fogs every day. - -Oh but back to my bf. Just typing about him makes me tear up I miss him so much. I’m afraid that i’m going to scare him away with my craziness. I’m also pretty sure i’m bipolar but maybe i’m not but his family does not have problems like that. I’m thinking I need to kill myself before he leaves me or after he leaves me. Bc after he leaves that will be it. He’s like my last string of hope to keep me from ending it. - - - -Anyone relate ?",1,okay long text post depressed past year life 9 know typical depression recently started getting like suicidal thought ideation sure started dating boyfriend year ago light world helped pretty much lot sure thought feeling coming back harder ever med cymbalta quit working switched new one make actually fucking insane pristiq even trust alone thinking killing dying mumbo jumbo anxiety roof well also insomnia found right med yet either whole life brain cluster fuck would easy end never panic attack new pristiq also tried lexapro prozac others either make zombie literally nothing different someone give input maybe try sleep also fucked past year stay day time bc fall asleep either tired j literally actually fall asleep seroquel needed take make feel weird zaleplon needed literally work sure whatever hydroxyzine guess one work either sleep make fail school cant concentrate cant study cant work mood brain fog every day oh back bf typing make tear miss much afraid going scare away craziness also pretty sure bipolar maybe family problem like thinking need kill leaf leaf bc leaf like last string hope keep ending anyone relate -"I feel trapped and like there's no way out. Everything feels like shit. I went through tons of family and mental health issues but I soldiered on and I got my college diploma in social science and my bachelor degree in sociology. I was on the Dean's list. I worked my ass off through mental illness and exhaustion and I'm in thousands of dollars debt. I did everything people told me to do. Keep going. Get a degree. Take out loans. And now I can't find a fucking job that doesn't pay total shit. Public transit is beyond atrocious. I just have 30k debt staring at me in the face every time I open my bank app. I've applied to hundreds of jobs. Hundreds. Of. Jobs. - -My brother wants me to go back to school and get more debt. More. Fucking. Debt. He wants me to leave my boyfriend and move to another province. I can't talk to him about my issues because every time that's all he suggests. Same with my best friend. My dad lives in a tiny town in Newfoundland and makes shit wages. My mom lives somewhere in Ontario and has made no effort to help me out, despite not getting to see me grow up due to a nasty divorce. - -I have no will left. I'm afraid I'm gonna snap and go crazy. I try really really hard to be positive but it's really hard to keep it up. I feel like I'm in one of those traps where the walls are slowing squishing you until you die. Please, does anyone have any advice? Anyone? I'm dying. My hope is fading so fast.",1,feel trapped like way everything feel like shit went ton family mental health issue soldiered got college diploma social science bachelor degree sociology dean list worked as mental illness exhaustion thousand dollar debt everything people told keep going get degree take loan find fucking job pay total shit public transit beyond atrocious 0k debt staring face every time open bank app applied hundred job hundred job brother want go back school get debt fucking debt want leave boyfriend move another province talk issue every time suggests best friend dad life tiny town newfoundland make shit wage mom life somewhere ontario made effort help despite getting see grow due nasty divorce left afraid gon na snap go crazy try really really hard positive really hard keep feel like one trap wall slowing squishing die please anyone advice anyone dying hope fading fast -I'm always pointed at when something bad happens to me and I never know if I'm to blame or not.,1,always pointed something bad happens never know blame -I’m feeling so bad. I can’t function anymore and will probably be hospitalised. But I got a message from a teacher saying I was missing too many classes and referring me to the school’s psychologist. What can I do?,1,feeling bad function anymore probably hospitalised got message teacher saying missing many class referring school psychologist -"I hate life, hate living, every day I wake with no energy and no will no to move further in life, it has beatin me down again and again, all I do is work, I have friends but never stop feeling lonely, the one thing that keeps me tethered to this reality is my cat who is currently screaming outside my door, I don't care though, I haven't cared about much in a long time, I think I've had enough of this world, maybe someone reading this will be able to be stronger than me, but I think I've had enough, I just don't know what to do and there only seems to be one compact sized way out, I'm lost",1,hate life hate living every day wake energy move life beatin work friend never stop feeling lonely one thing keep tethered reality cat currently screaming outside door care though cared much long time think enough world maybe someone reading able stronger think enough know seems one compact sized way lost -There are so many times where I feel the need to ask for help and I just try to push through it by myself because I know people are struggling with their own stuff. I am tired of feeling like I need other people but also not feeling like I can be self sustaining. Idk,1,many time feel need ask help try push know people struggling stuff tired feeling like need people also feeling like self sustaining idk -Sometimes I feel like a footnote in everyone life and that if I disappeared one day that no one would notice,1,sometimes feel like footnote everyone life disappeared one day one would notice -"There were few classes that interested me in college. I chose a class called ""Film & Acting"" and was told I'd could do video editing in that class. Turns out it was a theatre class, and I soon I was doing absolutely nothing because I wasn't provided anything to do in the class. Am I stupid for not reading the description of the class that wasn't on the paper and can't find on the website.",1,class interested college chose class called film amp acting told could video editing class turn theatre class soon absolutely nothing provided anything class stupid reading description class paper find website -"Every opportunity I have I always end up embarrassing myself no matter what. Things like just communicating and anything that has to do with the real world is so hard for me to get right. I'm so insecure and soft spoken and everyone probably knows me as that weird, shy kid. - -Things I do when I'm on my own, like talking to myself or doing anything weird would never be okay in front of others. I'm never aware of what I do until somebody notices me and I get embarrassed instantly and I'm so ashamed of myself. I probably will never see anyone romantically or have any close friends because I'm so immature and childish.",1,every opportunity always end embarrassing matter thing like communicating anything real world hard get right insecure soft spoken everyone probably know weird shy kid thing like talking anything weird would never okay front others never aware somebody notice get embarrassed instantly ashamed probably never see anyone romantically close friend immature childish -"So far, this year hasn’t exactly been easy. I’ve been out of work cause my grandpa had back pains that he had to get surgery for. Then he had to be put in the hospital due to internal bleeding. Then he got diagnosed with cancer. Then he had to go to the hospital again due to fluid build up. And if that weren’t enough, something happened between my dad and stepmom that had me afraid that they were gonna get a divorce or something. Thankfully things had be getting better lately. I managed to get an Xbox Series X, my grandpa is out of the hospital and making a lot of progress on regaining his strength, things are now better between my dad and stepmom, and a game I’ve been eagerly looking forward to (Tiny Tina’s Wonderlands) will be releasing this Friday. However, my enthusiasm is starting to rain dramatically. Now, I’m getting to the point where I’d have to work on final assignments. And honestly, I’m not exactly feeling great about them. One for my technical writing class has so many steps and aspects I have to try and think about that even though it’s the one that has me the least worried, I feel myself getting depressed thinking about it. But as for my Maine history class, that’s the one that really has me overwhelmed. For that, I have to write a term paper of at least 8 double spaced pages on an issue in Maine history. Not only is that by far the biggest paper I would have to write since 2020, but it’s on a subject that I’m seriously not exactly passionate about. Even though I’m from Maine, I can’t exactly think of any big issues in the state’s history, let alone one’s I can write 8 pages about. The closest thing I thought of is the fact that paleontology is very limited in this state, but 1. I’m not exactly sure if that subject will fly and 2. I’m almost certain that won’t be able to turn that into 8 pages. Now I’m at the point where I’m just absolutely sick of college and what assignments like this keep doing to me and my mental health. I swear once I have enough credits for my associates degree, I am fucking done with this shit. I could keep going for my bachelor’s but since I’m going part time, it will take me another 4 years, and I can’t stand the idea of having to go through all that for that much longer.",1,far year exactly easy work cause grandpa back pain get surgery put hospital due internal bleeding got diagnosed cancer go hospital due fluid build enough something happened dad stepmom afraid gon na get divorce something thankfully thing getting better lately managed get xbox series x grandpa hospital making lot progress regaining strength thing better dad stepmom game eagerly looking forward tiny tina wonderland releasing friday however enthusiasm starting rain dramatically getting point work final assignment honestly exactly feeling great one technical writing class many step aspect try think even though one least worried feel getting depressed thinking maine history class one really overwhelmed write term paper least double spaced page issue maine history far biggest paper would write since 0 0 subject seriously exactly passionate even though maine exactly think big issue state history let alone one write page closest thing thought fact paleontology limited state exactly sure subject fly almost certain able turn page point absolutely sick college assignment like keep mental health swear enough credit associate degree fucking done shit could keep going bachelor since going part time take another year stand idea go much longer -"My wife (34 f) was doing great losing weight by walking and dieting, but she expressed sn interest in working out in a gym. So I bought her a gym membership for Christmas. A higher package that includes tanning and massages besides just the work out equipment. She goes 4 nights a week now after work. I do kid duty in the evening after work, and then just sit at home by myself. If I ever try and make time for myself it is interrupted by work or home life. I love my family to death, would do anything for them but I have burning the candle at both ends and never see any relief in sight. It never stops. Someone always needs something. Someone always wants to bitch about something. It just doesn’t stop. Never!!! I just want something for myself. To go golfing uninterrupted, to get a haircut without my phone buzzing. My only release is yoga at nights when the kids are in bed. I know I should do it in the mornings but I am just exhausted and can’t. I work 50 hours a week, make sure all the bills are paid, pick up the house every evening, make dinner 4 to 5 times a week, do homework with the kids every nigh, do the dishes, do all the yard work and house upkeep. I’m just done. I’m spent and I feel like I can’t take a second off or I will let someone down or be deemed selfish. Does anyone else feel this way?",1,wife f great losing weight walking dieting expressed sn interest working gym bought gym membership christmas higher package includes tanning massage besides work equipment go night week work kid duty evening work sit home ever try make time interrupted work home life love family death would anything burning candle end never see relief sight never stop someone always need something someone always want bitch something stop never want something go golfing uninterrupted get haircut without phone buzzing release yoga night kid bed know morning exhausted work 0 hour week make sure bill paid pick house every evening make dinner time week homework kid every nigh dish yard work house upkeep done spent feel like take second let someone deemed selfish anyone else feel way -"I’m a sophmore in high school and I do no extracurriculars (which bothers me the most i think), the only hobby i have is drawing and I lost interest in band over the pandemic and I dont have the motivation to get back in. I dont take challenging classes because im too lazy for the workload, I can barely do basic hygiene, I dont exercise at all and every day after school I go home and lay in bed alone doing nothing until I go to sleep. To be honest I am happier with my life than I used to be because I finally have a decent friend group, so I dont feel like im wasting high school really I just feel like a huge useless loser with no hobbies in comparison to my friends. I cant do the most basic of things anymore because everything is so much harder.",1,sophmore high school extracurriculars bother think hobby drawing lost interest band pandemic dont motivation get back dont take challenging class im lazy workload barely basic hygiene dont exercise every day school go home lay bed alone nothing go sleep honest happier life used finally decent friend group dont feel like im wasting high school really feel like huge useless loser hobby comparison friend cant basic thing anymore everything much harder -"I'm 26 years old, and I never had a job (only an internship) a girlfriend, and even a close friend for a long time. - -The only thing I did was finishing college and everything that I did after that was to stay at home, trying to find a job, and failing at it. - -I want to get over and be sucessful in my life, but why does it matter, if I'm already a total loser. - -Any normal person would look at an 26 years old man that never had a job or girlfriend and say ""He's a loser"". - -Even people from my family said that, in another words. - -Sometimes I try to study programming, other times I try to study things in general, but I know that I will fail, and the people that hurt me will always be more sucessful than me, so why I should even try?",1,year old never job internship girlfriend even close friend long time thing finishing college everything stay home trying find job failing want get sucessful life matter already total loser normal person would look year old man never job girlfriend say loser even people family said another word sometimes try study programming time try study thing general know fail people hurt always sucessful even try -"i always have these times where i really think about myself in middle school and i get really fuckign sad, i was bullied and treated like shit but i never really admitted to it and was always in denial about it, i never really defended myself or stood up for myself and i was really quiet and it makes me want to slit my throat, like i wish i just stood up for myself and defended myself and wasn’t such a coward like i can’t stop thinking about it and it really fucks up my mood and i always feel so shitty about everything. like it’s in the past and i can’t do anything about it but i can’t help but move on and it’s constantly in the back of my mind. it literally makes my blood boil, for some reason i have anger issues and when i get treated shitty for no reason especially when i’m really quiet and shy IT MAKES ME SO FUCKING ANGRY. like why do u feel the need to pick on someone who’s so introverted and clearly not very social LIKE FUCK YOU FUCK THEM ALL AND FUCK EVERY PERSON WHO EVER TREATED ME LIKE FUCKING SHIT IN MIDDLE SCHOOL/ELEMANTRY SCHOOL I HOPE THEY FUCKING BURN ESPICALLY THIS ONE KID NAMED NICK HE MADE MY LIFE LITERAL TORTURE AND THE WORST PART WAS THAT HE WAS IN EVERY ONE OF MY CLASSES. FUCK HIM AND I WILL ALWAYS WISH NOTHING BUT THE WORST ON HIM",1,always time really think middle school get really fuckign sad bullied treated like shit never really admitted always denial never really defended stood really quiet make want slit throat like wish stood defended coward like stop thinking really fuck mood always feel shitty everything like past anything help move constantly back mind literally make blood boil reason anger issue get treated shitty reason especially really quiet shy make fucking angry like u feel need pick someone introverted clearly social like fuck fuck fuck every person ever treated like fucking shit middle school elemantry school hope fucking burn espically one kid named nick made life literal torture worst part every one class fuck always wish nothing worst -"For most of my life I haven’t had many significant relationships/friendships. I used to sit alone at lunch in high school. Sometimes I would even go to the restroom stall and just stand so I wouldn’t have to face the embarrassment. I would make good grades and work a lot to keep myself busy. Looking back I kept myself busy to distract myself from the fact that I’m lonely. I’m 20 years old now and I still don’t have a social life. I’ve only had one best friend in the entirety of my life and that friendship ended junior year of high school. I’ve also never had a boyfriend. I’ve dated someone before but that’s the past. Sadly, that situation ship further reinforced the idea of unworthiness that I feel. I am coming to the realization that I have low self esteem. I feel incapable of being loved and undeserving of it for some reason. It always felt like I never fit in. I would always overthink things and not know what to say and how to keep the conversation going. This leads to me thinking people will get tired/bored of me eventually so there is no point. I’m literally crying because it’s so frustrating when you want to change but these thoughts eat you up and prevent you from taking the necessary steps to change. I want to be able to go out without it feel draining to dress nice, do my hair, converse with others, etc. Everything just feel exhausting and I have chosen not to picture myself being married one day or even having children because it’s just how am I going to have a healthy everlasting marriage if I haven’t had any experience so far.",1,life many significant relationship friendship used sit alone lunch high school sometimes would even go restroom stall stand face embarrassment would make good grade work lot keep busy looking back kept busy distract fact lonely 0 year old still social life one best friend entirety life friendship ended junior year high school also never boyfriend dated someone past sadly situation ship reinforced idea unworthiness feel coming realization low self esteem feel incapable loved undeserving reason always felt like never fit would always overthink thing know say keep conversation going lead thinking people get tired bored eventually point literally cry frustrating want change thought eat prevent taking necessary step change want able go without feel draining dress nice hair converse others etc everything feel exhausting chosen picture married one day even child going healthy everlasting marriage experience far -"Lately it’s been so hard. Whenever I’m by myself, driving, I just wish I could let go. Let go of everything and just die. - -I’ve cried for so many days now. I’m tired. I’m exhausted. I feel miserable. Hopeless. I know my life isn’t so hard. I know there are better things to look at. I try. I really do try… everyday. My heart hurts and I don’t know why. I feel so much sadness but whyy?? I wish I knew. I wish I didn’t always feel this way. -I catch myself laying down on my bed just staring off. Thinking of nothing. - -I’m trying my best everyday to at least not cry. I want to get better. I want to feel happy. I want to look forward - - -I have a date tomorrow with my boyfriend.. I’ll start with that. I miss him so much. I’m always hopeful and hope I don’t drag him down. He’s so kind to me and has always seen the best of me. Words can’t describe how much he means to me. - - -I’m sorry for venting but it feels strangely nice. Thank you",1,lately hard whenever driving wish could let go let go everything die cried many day tired exhausted feel miserable hopeless know life hard know better thing look try really try everyday heart hurt know feel much sadness whyy wish knew wish always feel way catch laying bed staring thinking nothing trying best everyday least cry want get better want feel happy want look forward date tomorrow boyfriend start miss much always hopeful hope drag kind always seen best word describe much mean sorry venting feel strangely nice thank -"Reasons I'm on the edge: - -\- Job search: I'm completely unemployable. I lucked out and have had three real jobs since graduating college, but I learned nothing from them. I'm now in my early 30s with no applicable job skills for today's market, and keep getting rejection letters. - -\- Toxic, shithead boss. I put a lot of blame on this fucker. He treats me like absolute shit and actively works against any career growth. He has huge anger issues as well, so I'm constantly walking on eggshells. - -\- Gossipy, toxic coworkers. They spread rumors about me that were untrue, and constantly talk about people behind their backs. If we weren't remote right now, and I had to be around them, I'd go insane. So many of my workplaces have been filled with these kinds of fuckers. Can't they mind their own goddamn business and just do their work? Humanity's fucked. - -\- I've been close with my family for a long time now, but recently my parents have gone really far right. I lean left and just hate a lot of their double-standards. My parents take that as an opportunity to take any anger out about the current state of the world on me. At work and at home, there is no source of relief. - -\- I have no friends. - -\- Nobody gives a shit. - -I dream about using some of the money I've earned up, blowing it on things I've always wanted to do, then buying a gun and shooting myself.",1,reason edge job search completely unemployable lucked three real job since graduating college learned nothing early 0 applicable job skill today market keep getting rejection letter toxic shithead bos put lot blame fucker treat like absolute shit actively work career growth huge anger issue well constantly walking eggshell gossipy toxic coworkers spread rumor untrue constantly talk people behind back remote right around go insane many workplace filled kind fucker mind goddamn business work humanity fucked close family long time recently parent gone really far right lean left hate lot double standard parent take opportunity take anger current state world work home source relief friend nobody give shit dream using money earned blowing thing always wanted buying gun shooting -" Hey there, - -feels good to talk to people who just as me suffer depression. I never talked about it much on the Internet though one of my best buddies (who is a psychiatrist), my parents and some other people know about it. It's not many and I feel it's better this way but at least I can talk about it here as I am anonymous on the Internet (I hope). - -Anyways, for me it's been many years that I am in a severe depression. Mine has developed through a chain of various dumb decisions I made that lead me to the place I'm at now, things I can't change now, can't simply make forgotten since the wheel of time keeps spinning. - -It's really interesting though as a 19 year old me would have never believed to suffer severe depression 16 years later (though it started many years ago). Back as a 19 year old I just graduated from school successfully and had every possibility. Like the world was open to me (a luxury many people sadly don't have) and I was dumb enough to not see clearly ahead of me, thinking about what I WANTED from life or where I would love to end up. Now I know and thinking back my 19 year old self should have known, it's not really hard to figure out and I would tell my 19 year old self to think about it and keep chasing his dreams (especially since there was so much time for it). - -The path I walked though was a pretty dark one (nothing criminal, nothing that would at first glance appear as particularly dark) but I managed to scare away many people that in retrospect would have been great buddies, friends and even girlfriends/ relationships. - -Like the old saying says: You are your own worst enemy. It's true, it really is. I have experienced it myself. - -As far as I know there are two kinds of depression: Depression that is genetically/ biologically caused and depression that is the product of bad experiences and decisions you made (let's call it a reactive depression). For me as you can imagine it was the second. And I could punch myself for it as what I did in all these previous years was almost a textbook example of what not to do/ bad decisions. The worst part is that I have this mental image of an alternate reality where I didn't decide the way I did, where I was smarter and while I know it's a mental image it doesn't feel that way. - -The worst thing is it's a devil chain. A bad experience leads to me feeling worse. While some people learn to hide their depression and keep smiling and joking in front of others (just so that others won't realize how you truely feel) I don't have that ""gift"" as I am usually in a bad mood and are perceived as a very unfriendly person by others which again leads to social alienation which makes my depression even worse. - -It's gotten really worse the last few years (interestingly AFTER coming back from being homeless and living on the streets for half a year) to a point where I don't want to live anymore, where I want to forget.",1,hey feel good talk people suffer depression never talked much internet though one best buddy psychiatrist parent people know many feel better way least talk anonymous internet hope anyways many year severe depression mine developed chain various dumb decision made lead place thing change simply make forgotten since wheel time keep spinning really interesting though 9 year old would never believed suffer severe depression year later though started many year ago back 9 year old graduated school successfully every possibility like world open luxury many people sadly dumb enough see clearly ahead thinking wanted life would love end know thinking back 9 year old self known really hard figure would tell 9 year old self think keep chasing dream especially since much time path walked though pretty dark one nothing criminal nothing would first glance appear particularly dark managed scare away many people retrospect would great buddy friend even girlfriend relationship like old saying say worst enemy true really experienced far know two kind depression depression genetically biologically caused depression product bad experience decision made let call reactive depression imagine second could punch previous year almost textbook example bad decision worst part mental image alternate reality decide way smarter know mental image feel way worst thing devil chain bad experience lead feeling worse people learn hide depression keep smiling joking front others others realize truely feel gift usually bad mood perceived unfriendly person others lead social alienation make depression even worse gotten really worse last year interestingly coming back homeless living street half year point want live anymore want forget -"I wanna bash my head against the wall till my brains fall out. I'm so exhausted. I hate myself for the mistakes I've made. I hate myself. I wish I could start over again, and not be such a fucking idiot. - -Why? Why did it have to go this way?",1,wan na bash head wall till brain fall exhausted hate mistake made hate wish could start fucking idiot go way -"Lately my ‘best friend’ (only long term friend) has just been brushing me off. We joke for hours on end and I listen to them vent almost daily, but when I brought up that I lost interest in all of my hobbies again they go “lmao same.” “Me a month ago.” And changed the subject. - -I always put in an effort to be there for them even when I’m in a low place, and if I’m not really able to feel empathy I tell them. I refer them to help hotlines. -They refuse to get actual help. I have given them every opportunity to get professional help by making a list of therapists in their area that take their insurance, I’ve given them every helpline under the sun, whenever I have relative advice I give it to them, but they always ignore it. - -At one point I just stopped. I stopped trying so hard and realized how much they rely on me to do everything for them. They asked me a question (I usually google it for them and summarize it) I told them to google it. They got annoyed with me. - -So I cut them off for a few weeks. Whenever we started talking again things were going well, but of course, as their type does, they eventually fell back into old habits. This is strike 3 for me and while I really don’t want to lose the positive times we have together, they just don’t outweigh the negatives. - -I’m tired. I’ve put in constant work and effort into being as healthy and stable as I am today, and I’m honestly not willing to slow down or trip up because of them. - -I’m open to any feedback or advice.",1,lately best friend long term friend brushing joke hour end listen vent almost daily brought lost interest hobby go lmao month ago changed subject always put effort even low place really able feel empathy tell refer help hotlines refuse get actual help given every opportunity get professional help making list therapist area take insurance given every helpline sun whenever relative advice give always ignore one point stopped stopped trying hard realized much rely everything asked question usually google summarize told google got annoyed cut week whenever started talking thing going well course type eventually fell back old habit strike really want lose positive time together outweigh negative tired put constant work effort healthy stable today honestly willing slow trip open feedback advice -"What is the point of living? Life sucks. Life is hard 90% of the time. The 10% that doesn't suck doesn't make up for the other 90%. People say that I need to just keep on living because they would miss me. They're selfish. What about what I want? I just want to blink out of existence. - -Before anyone starts feeling like a knight in shining armor, I know I'm loved, I know I'm not alone, I'm know I'm smart and valuable. I know all the things. But none of those things make up for the fact that I simply don't want to be here anymore.",1,point living life suck life hard 90 time 0 suck make 90 people say need keep living would miss selfish want want blink existence anyone start feeling like knight shining armor know loved know alone know smart valuable know thing none thing make fact simply want anymore -"I've been taking fluoxetine for two years now and my ability to orgasm (I'm a girl) has completely gone out the window in that time. I finally felt secure enough to ask to switch medications to one that doesn't have such an impact on my sex life and I've just been prescribed Mirtazapine. - -l'd be so grateful if anyone could share their experiences on Mirtazapine, both sexual and otherwise. I've seen online it seems to take a lot longer to start working (4 - 6 weeks) and I'm nervous about feeling worse in that time too (I am continuing to take fluoxetine whilst we increase the mirtazapine so I don't go without). Does it feel different to SSRI's? Did it help your sexual life? Did it make you feel worse before it made you feel better? What are the side effects like?",1,taking fluoxetine two year ability orgasm girl completely gone window time finally felt secure enough ask switch medication one impact sex life prescribed mirtazapine l grateful anyone could share experience mirtazapine sexual otherwise seen online seems take lot longer start working week nervous feeling worse time continuing take fluoxetine whilst increase mirtazapine go without feel different ssri help sexual life make feel worse made feel better side effect like -"Idk if anyone else gets this feeling but I do and it never really goes away, I get this feeling everywhere and all the time like I just don’t belong. I always feel like I don’t belong anywhere, like no one will ever get me (I know that sounds kinda childish but it’s true) I just never belong anywhere and any time I try to talk about something I’m very interested in it seems like I’m the only one interested in these things and I’m always the one they call weird and ostracised. I’m always the butt of a joke with my friends and family, I never get to talk about the things I wanna talk about. Even my closest friends don’t get me, I just feel so alone all the time and it often leads me to making terrible decisions, any time I think I’m happy I just ruin it; then that leads me to get paranoid any time I’m happy which again leads to me ruining it again. I feel like this sounds like nonsense but idk how to properly put this feeling into a coherent sentence. Sorry if this was too long too",1,idk anyone else get feeling never really go away get feeling everywhere time like belong always feel like belong anywhere like one ever get know sound kinda childish true never belong anywhere time try talk something interested seems like one interested thing always one call weird ostracised always butt joke friend family never get talk thing wan na talk even closest friend get feel alone time often lead making terrible decision time think happy ruin lead get paranoid time happy lead ruining feel like sound like nonsense idk properly put feeling coherent sentence sorry long -"Life seems to be so unfair. -How come I am mentally struggling and unwell 10x more compared to people who abuses substances? or I guess sometimes to people who just drink a lot smoke a lot of weed etc -it doesn't seem to affevt them negatively??? Meanwhile I am completely sober but seems to be going through so much shit. Sleep issues regardless of no substance abuse I jusy don't understand.",1,life seems unfair come mentally struggling unwell 0x compared people abuse substance guess sometimes people drink lot smoke lot weed etc seem affevt negatively meanwhile completely sober seems going much shit sleep issue regardless substance abuse jusy understand -"Time goes by so fast. I had two days off work and I wasted them away just lying in bed. I want to do something productive, apply for college, take a walk outside, talk to girls, literally do anything other than sink further into this constant malaise. But I simply don’t know where to find the energy, putting effort into things just drains me even more. It’s absolutely miserable the way life seems to be.",1,time go fast two day work wasted away lying bed want something productive apply college take walk outside talk girl literally anything sink constant malaise simply know find energy putting effort thing drain even absolutely miserable way life seems -"Here I am, back again. Currently it's 3 am and I'm holding back what can only be described as a mental break from my roommate and this dude who's also sleeping over. It's really wild how there's a grey area over expression of emotion; it's like emotions are only cool to be expressed when it's convenient to others, and every other time is just a complete drag on society and those around you.",1,back currently holding back described mental break roommate dude also sleeping really wild grey area expression emotion like emotion cool expressed convenient others every time complete drag society around -"Hi I’m 17 M - -I’m pretty sure I have depression, im sad literally all the time and I just wanted to explain a lot to get some feedback. Sorry if it’s too much. - -So im around 250-260lbs and 6ft. So im fat. No girls ever liked or like me, I don’t like myself, I don’t look good in clothes, nothing. I have a loving family, but I feel so alone. I constantly think about what it would be like to be a normal weight and have people actually like me. I stay awake until 3 am and wake up too tired to stay awake in school or on weekends I wake up at like 2 or 3. I’ve been going to the gym 4 days a week with my friend, lost 15 lbs, hopefully this helps me shed the weight, but even though I count calories I constantly eat unhealthy or fast food. I feel like I’m a failure to my friends and family. I had this girl who I talked to for many years. Her and I were very close and she finally pushed me away. I constantly wonder if maybe I would still be close with her if I was a normal weight. I have no motivation and I can’t cry anymore, I try but it just doesn’t come out. I have nobody to tell all this as when I try, they say it’s too depressing and they don’t want to talk about it anymore. Even though all this is going on I don’t have any intention or even the slightest thought of suicide or self harm. I just want to be normal and loved.",1,hi pretty sure depression im sad literally time wanted explain lot get feedback sorry much im around 0 0lbs ft im fat girl ever liked like like look good clothes nothing loving family feel alone constantly think would like normal weight people actually like stay awake wake tired stay awake school weekend wake like going gym day week friend lost lb hopefully help shed weight even though count calorie constantly eat unhealthy fast food feel like failure friend family girl talked many year close finally pushed away constantly wonder maybe would still close normal weight motivation cry anymore try come nobody tell try say depressing want talk anymore even though going intention even slightest thought suicide self harm want normal loved -"yeah. once i'm alone i get so so depressed. i've only been at home for a day because it's my off day and i'm already feeling like shit. like there's nothing to look forward to. i would opt to go out but i don't have money for it to be a good day with friends. i know that there are things we can do that doesn't require money but food is a necessity and i can't really go out without spending on food. i'd go to a friend's house but i only have one friend who's house is always available but she lives too far away. - -it's really hard to realise that the only thing keeping me sane is distractions like work. i try to be more involved with my family but they always make me feel like shit. i try to reach out to my friends but they're always busy. signing up for cool classes like yoga or pottery or whatever would help me meet new people but it costs money. and plus i work 12hrs 4 days a week it's hard to spare time and my adhd causing me time blindness does not help at all :( like yeah, i have 3 free days but when you count in the hours i spend having executive dysfunction or procrastinating it's basically nothing 😭 - -i can't relax for shit when i'm on my own. it's hard to reach out to people when they don't take whatever i feel seriously. i just wish they cared enough to reach out and be willing to spend some time with me even if we don't have money. - -i hate being alone so much. - -fyi i am on an internship and i'm being paid $450 a month. and my family is not financially stable.",1,yeah alone get depressed home day day already feeling like shit like nothing look forward would opt go money good day friend know thing require money food necessity really go without spending food go friend house one friend house always available life far away really hard realise thing keeping sane distraction like work try involved family always make feel like shit try reach friend always busy signing cool class like yoga pottery whatever would help meet new people cost money plus work hr day week hard spare time adhd causing time blindness help like yeah free day count hour spend executive dysfunction procrastinating basically nothing relax shit hard reach people take whatever feel seriously wish cared enough reach willing spend time even money hate alone much fyi internship paid 0 month family financially stable -"I \[16m\] have been feeling down lately, and my mum brought up something today that really made me feel worse. - -I want to disclaim that I do not at all blame my mother for this, she was bringing up a fair and valid point that I had been trying to ignore. - -I am extremely lucky and go to a quite fancy school, but my mother constantly feels the need to bring up that I'm wasting all of the excellent opportunities there. While this is true, it suddenly hit me that she was right, and that I felt like I was not only wasting school opportunities, but my own life. - -My sister also has mental health issues and is seeing a psychologist, and I feel like I need a similar set up. However, I feel awful about telling my mum that she will have to send her other kid to therapy as well. - -Is there any way to see a therapist by myself online or something?",1,feeling lately mum brought something today really made feel worse want disclaim blame mother bringing fair valid point trying ignore extremely lucky go quite fancy school mother constantly feel need bring wasting excellent opportunity true suddenly hit right felt like wasting school opportunity life sister also mental health issue seeing psychologist feel like need similar set however feel awful telling mum send kid therapy well way see therapist online something -"I love my family. I have a slightly distant yet mostly kind older brother, a supporting and caring mother and a funny and relatable father. I have a stable home life and have a roof over my head, and I never starve. I would say I have an amazing family and life yet I constantly ruin it. - -I've been sick and I'll probably need to repeat the grade even doing online courses, I don't know if I can even pass high school, my parents have spent a lot of medical funds for a useless child. I have no friends since COVID started due to online courses and the only people that I constantly to other than my family are doctors and my tutor. - -I make sure that my family never finds out I'm suicidal though, they don't need any more problems. I don't even know if you would call me as suicidal as I only have suicidal thoughts daily. I don't cut myself or do anything like that but the reason is because I want to see my family in Japan one last time before I die. We're going on a trip to Japan this summer and that's the sole thing I'm living for. I'm scared of the thought of what will happen to me once I no longer have anything to look forward to. I know that at this point I'll probably kill myself the second we come back here. At least I'll be known as the cousin who probably died first instead of the suicidal one or a drug addict. I know how much my entire family pretends my cousin who is a drug addict doesn't exist so I know the horrid backlash that would occur if I survived. I know that if I fail dying I'll fake a recovery before properly offing myself. Sorry this ended up turning into a suicide idolization rant if you managed to even read it this far. - -I bet your thinking, why don't I just get a therapist, therapy solves everything......not. I had a therapist for a whole 6 months and I hated the judging eyes, the subtle why are you here you have a great life, and the fact that they treat you like some kind of test subject. (Orochimaru like creepy people) I honestly managed to connect more with my tutor that I've only known for 3 months who I only met once every two weeks on zoom. (Never met her in person) Now I bet your thinking wait why did you contradict yourself you said that your family didn't know you are suicidal and yet you had a therapist???? It was because I had to go to so many doctors so often that mother thought about my mental health and gave me a therapist. I had the therapist or 6 months before my mother decided that I was just fine (I thank my ability to hide suicidal thoughts.) - -Well thank you reddit for letting me make this confession. I felt like I needed to say it somewhere where no one would ever find out who I am.",1,love family slightly distant yet mostly kind older brother supporting caring mother funny relatable father stable home life roof head never starve would say amazing family life yet constantly ruin sick probably need repeat grade even online course know even pas high school parent spent lot medical fund useless child friend since covid started due online course people constantly family doctor tutor make sure family never find suicidal though need problem even know would call suicidal suicidal thought daily cut anything like reason want see family japan one last time die going trip japan summer sole thing living scared thought happen longer anything look forward know point probably kill second come back least known cousin probably died first instead suicidal one drug addict know much entire family pretend cousin drug addict exist know horrid backlash would occur survived know fail dying fake recovery properly offing sorry ended turning suicide idolization rant managed even read far bet thinking get therapist therapy solves everything therapist whole month hated judging eye subtle great life fact treat like kind test subject orochimaru like creepy people honestly managed connect tutor known month met every two week zoom never met person bet thinking wait contradict said family know suicidal yet therapist go many doctor often mother thought mental health gave therapist therapist month mother decided fine thank ability hide suicidal thought well thank reddit letting make confession felt like needed say somewhere one would ever find -"For the past year and a half I’ve had constant tiredness/fatigue and just haven’t felt like myself. I used to be pretty active, always working on projects, excited about life. For the last year and a half I just feel like a shell of myself…tired and meh. I’m also hungry constantly. - -I’ve seen my doctor and a few different specialists and had plenty of blood work done (including thyroid) and everything has been normal. No sleep apnea. No anemia. No Lyme. My doc said we have essentially ruled out most if not all straight-up medical causes of fatigue, beyond the possibility I’m just not getting good sleep due to underlying stress or anxiety (hard for me to tell how well I’m sleeping - not waking up refreshed but I’m in bed for 8 hrs a night). - -I’ve begun to wonder if I’m simply depressed since everything else has kind of been ruled out. I don’t feel very sad and I don’t feel hopeless. I don’t lack the “motivation” to do all the things I love, I just feel too tired or lazy to do them. But I really want to be my old self again. If I could snap my fingers and have my energy back, I’d do it in a heartbeat. - -How do I know if I’m depressed?",1,past year half constant tiredness fatigue felt like used pretty active always working project excited life last year half feel like shell tired meh also hungry constantly seen doctor different specialist plenty blood work done including thyroid everything normal sleep apnea anemia lyme doc said essentially ruled straight medical cause fatigue beyond possibility getting good sleep due underlying stress anxiety hard tell well sleeping waking refreshed bed hr night begun wonder simply depressed since everything else kind ruled feel sad feel hopeless lack motivation thing love feel tired lazy really want old self could snap finger energy back heartbeat know depressed -"How would you feel if you had told someone that you were depressed and then later on they said that to you? - -Idk how to feel ab it. On one hand I’m like ok that’s really good that they see me the same way and not like JUST a depressed person. On the other hand I don’t feel so good bc it’s like they don’t acknowledge that part of me. I guess what doesn’t sit right w me is the fact that they perhaps have some sort of image in their head of what depression looks like. So when I’m not explicitly expressing my depression, they “forget you have depression”. - -Idk maybe I’m overthinking this but y’all lmk your opinions bc I’m interested in other povs.",1,would feel told someone depressed later said idk feel ab one hand like ok really good see way like depressed person hand feel good bc like acknowledge part guess sit right w fact perhaps sort image head depression look like explicitly expressing depression forget depression idk maybe overthinking lmk opinion bc interested povs -"I came from my ex boyfriend 3 years ago. I lived 2 years only like i was breathing air and nothing more. No interests, no hobbies, no people. Only my room an PC and games. I went trough some trauma and I thought someone found me as a person. He heard me Everything. But couple days ago he got sick a he turned 180° he does not care, nothing. I dont know what to do, what to think. I am overthinking about the worst thing that he will leave me after all i said to him did to/for him. Everything. I am in really bad condition due to my friend suddenly passed away(depression and threatening a he did not handle it so yes, he took his life). I really miss the person who can i talk, write. I dont know what have i done. I bought perfume for me. I wrote to him he didnt even notice. We were playing together, but now we not. When i asked him what is wrong with me he said nothing, but when he played yesterday and i waited for him he played with his friends. I literally cried the whole evening. I feel i am not enough and i think when he will be fine it wont be like before.",1,came ex boyfriend year ago lived year like breathing air nothing interest hobby people room pc game went trough trauma thought someone found person heard everything couple day ago got sick turned 0 care nothing dont know think overthinking worst thing leave said everything really bad condition due friend suddenly passed away depression threatening handle yes took life really miss person talk write dont know done bought perfume wrote didnt even notice playing together asked wrong said nothing played yesterday waited played friend literally cried whole evening feel enough think fine wont like -I don’t want to fight cause I know that won’t work and I also know it’s odd because they touch my poofy big curly hair probably because I’m a guy and also when I sneeze they laugh and stuff and just say stuff like “oh COVID kid with the lion mane is spreading COVID” when in reality it’s just my severe allergies,1,want fight cause know work also know odd touch poofy big curly hair probably guy also sneeze laugh stuff say stuff like oh covid kid lion mane spreading covid reality severe allergy -"Been depressed my whole life it feels like. I used to have hope. Maybe high school was rough but college will be my time to have fun and be happy. Then college was traumatizing but I told myself things will be better once I get a job and am done with school. - -Well guess what the time has come and working 9-5 is a hell worse than all the others. My whole life has been miserable and it has only gotten worse and worse. Why on earth would I believe things will get better? It has never happened. - -That’s just on a personal level too. With everything that’s going on in the world environmentally, politically…even If I was a mentally happy person, who can honestly feel optimistic about the future of humanity after experiencing the past couple years! My spirit feels truly crushed in a way I can’t even describe. Even if I heal some of my mental illness, what’s the point! What do I have to look forward to? Working til I die? - -The things I’d do just to feel happy for one day.",1,depressed whole life feel like used hope maybe high school rough college time fun happy college traumatizing told thing better get job done school well guess time come working 9 hell worse others whole life miserable gotten worse worse earth would believe thing get better never happened personal level everything going world environmentally politically even mentally happy person honestly feel optimistic future humanity experiencing past couple year spirit feel truly crushed way even describe even heal mental illness point look forward working til die thing feel happy one day -Anyone know a good way I can work on not over thinking thing as much it’s starting to take a toll,1,anyone know good way work thinking thing much starting take toll -"Years have passed but the only thing that doesn't seem to pass is this tough phase of loneliness. I have had a very troubled childhood, I was bullied throughout school probably since every grade post 6th, I didn't have any friends, used to roam alone in school during recess coz sitting alone in class without friends used to make me feel really awkward and sad. - -I am now 21, graduated college but situation hasn't gotten that better, I did make few society friends lately but they only contact me whenever they need my help or vice versa.. I tried talking normally too but to no avail, they would simply seen-zone me. I tried dating sites too many a times but they were a big flop, they always ended up damaging my self esteem as I never ever got more than 2 likes. - -Whenever on festivals when my society friends call me to hangout, they always boast that how amazing their experiences have been with girls in college. Someone was hooking up with 2 different chicks in a single week, someone else just competed 3 years of relationship. Am the only fucking one in the entire group of 10 who has never dated even once. - -It makes me feel really really sad and just completely destroys my self esteem, I have never ever kissed a girl, never held hands with any girl, and it just goes on and on. It makes me feel like a failure. I feel like I got no one in life. It's even tough to sum it up all in this post as there's just too much stuff to share, the family issue, failed attempts at getting a girl, getting used by a girl and then getting blocked from her, and much more. It makes it impossible for me to focus on my studies. Thankyou so much for giving me your time <3. Much love!",1,year passed thing seem pas tough phase loneliness troubled childhood bullied throughout school probably since every grade post th friend used roam alone school recess coz sitting alone class without friend used make feel really awkward sad graduated college situation gotten better make society friend lately contact whenever need help vice versa tried talking normally avail would simply seen zone tried dating site many time big flop always ended damaging self esteem never ever got like whenever festival society friend call hangout always boast amazing experience girl college someone hooking different chick single week someone else competed year relationship fucking one entire group 0 never dated even make feel really really sad completely destroys self esteem never ever kissed girl never held hand girl go make feel like failure feel like got one life even tough sum post much stuff share family issue failed attempt getting girl getting used girl getting blocked much make impossible focus study thankyou much giving time lt much love -"I don’t know if this is my depression, or various other diagnoses I have (ptsd, anxiety etc) but I’ve been trying so hard to work on school stuff and I just..can’t do it. I open the article I’m supposed to read, and I read the first sentence. I know what words I’m reading, just like I know what words I’m typing here but the time I get to the next sentence I’ve completely forgotten what the previous one said. It’s become an awful cycle of re-reading things until I eventually give up and spiral into bad coping habits. I feel like my brain is melting. Has anyone else experienced this? I feel awful because I’m only 18. I’m supposed to be youthful and smart, but I’m just losing every part of who I used to be. I have one job, and that is being a student. And I can’t even do that right..",1,know depression various diagnosis ptsd anxiety etc trying hard work school stuff open article supposed read read first sentence know word reading like know word typing time get next sentence completely forgotten previous one said become awful cycle reading thing eventually give spiral bad coping habit feel like brain melting anyone else experienced feel awful supposed youthful smart losing every part used one job student even right -"In 2020 my wife and I moved back to my small hometown, due to price of living and being closer to family. Since then, it has been just the worst 2 years of my life. The pandemic started getting serious, so we distanced ourselves from my family because everyone was still going out and acting like we weren’t in a plague. We have 2 small children, one has a very weak immune symptom. We were basically ostracized and told how selfish we were, to a point where I got very close to taking my own life. Things got better, but I’m not as close to my mom as I used to be. The whole ordeal made me realize how much of a narcissist she is, and that she turns everything into a fight. - -Recently we pulled my 4 year old out of pre school because many kids I. His class got Covid, with the intent of sending him back as soon as he can get vaccinated. My mom is constantly fighting with me and my wife saying we are failing my son. Anytime I try to even explain my side she turns it into a fight. I’m at a point where I just can’t do it anymore. I’m mentally exhausted in my head, I’m already planning on selling our house in the hopefully near future and moving. This is just me venting because I have no one else to vent to. I can’t connect with anyone here in this town because most of them never got out.",1,0 0 wife moved back small hometown due price living closer family since worst year life pandemic started getting serious distanced family everyone still going acting like plague small child one weak immune symptom basically ostracized told selfish point got close taking life thing got better close mom used whole ordeal made realize much narcissist turn everything fight recently pulled year old pre school many kid class got covid intent sending back soon get vaccinated mom constantly fighting wife saying failing son anytime try even explain side turn fight point anymore mentally exhausted head already planning selling house hopefully near future moving venting one else vent connect anyone town never got -"Every time I go home, I would walk to the long bridge near the campus then, wear my earphones so that I won't feel lonely. As I walk through the bridge, I'd notice different souls. Some don't care, others seem happy, but few are just lonely as I am. Can they also see my soul? So, I'd walk fast enough for them not to see mine. -I don't like going home because I would feel the loneliness more, echoing through me. However, at the same time, as I spend time outside, I'd feel how pitiful my life has become seeing how others laugh and smile. Can they also feel the loneliness darkness brings every night? Maybe. -Everything seems endless... but I know I'd be okay somehow someday. I only need to wait a little bit more and be stronger so that this sadness wouldn't consume me faster than I'd feel when my happiness comes.",1,every time go home would walk long bridge near campus wear earphone feel lonely walk bridge notice different soul care others seem happy lonely also see soul walk fast enough see mine like going home would feel loneliness echoing however time spend time outside feel pitiful life become seeing others laugh smile also feel loneliness darkness brings every night maybe everything seems endless know okay somehow someday need wait little bit stronger sadness consume faster feel happiness come -"I'm in my 20s and talking with my coworkers made me realize how different I was. They talk about the different parties they've been to and how drunk they got. I don't think I've been to a party with more than 5 people where we were drinking. I mostly drink alone and have no issue putting a liter down of 40% alchohol in an evening. My life feels like only pain and alchohol is the only relief I get. Why do I live with this curse. I have been severely depressed since I was 10. I can't hardly remember life before depression. I've had a few attempts but always chickened out before I could take off the safety. So I drink. I dont like bars, I already spend to much on cheap bottles of liquor. I dont like drinking but it's the only relief. I feel cheated out since I never experienced the fun of parties. Where drinking was about having fun rather than just drowning.",1,0 talking coworkers made realize different talk different party drunk got think party people drinking mostly drink alone issue putting liter 0 alchohol evening life feel like pain alchohol relief get live curse severely depressed since 0 hardly remember life depression attempt always chickened could take safety drink dont like bar already spend much cheap bottle liquor dont like drinking relief feel cheated since never experienced fun party drinking fun rather drowning -"i can’t stand feeling like nobody cares anymore. it sounds weird and desperate, but I really just want to love someone and them to love me back.",1,stand feeling like nobody care anymore sound weird desperate really want love someone love back -"On the surface I can think of a lot of reasons: feeling ashamed about needing meds, worrying about side effects, forgetting about them, etc. but at the end of the day, I can’t say exactly why, I just know I don’t want to take my meds. At the same time, I know I need them. I know that without them I simple tasks like showering and doing dishes feel impossible. I’ll fall behind on my schoolwork, isolated myself, and sleep 15+ hours a day. I know they work for me, and that I’ve felt much better when I was taking them regularly. But dang it, I just don’t want to take them. One day, I just ignored my alarm to take them, and then I’ve kept doing it. Now I take them so sporadically that they can’t be doing much (They’re an SSRI and mood stabilizer so they need to build up in your system and such). - -Part of me thinks maybe I just hate the daily reminder that I’m not ok. Like I think that maybe if I ignore it for long enough I’ll forget that I feel that way. But even knowing that may be a part of it, it doesn’t feel like that’s all there is to it, and I don’t know what to do about it. - -Mostly I’m just wondering if anyone else feels like this too. And if you do, do you know why you feel that way? And what may have helped you get back on track with taking them regularly? I’ve talked to my therapist and friends, but I haven’t been able to really figure out the full reason I feel this way or how to get back to taking them regularly. If you’ve dealt with this before or think you may understand why this resistance to taking meds is happening, I’d appreciate hearing some potential reasons or ways to improve this. Of course, everyone’s mental health is unique so I may not relate to someone else’s reasons but I would still really appreciate hearing any potential ones so I can understand my feelings about this a bit better.",1,surface think lot reason feeling ashamed needing med worrying side effect forgetting etc end day say exactly know want take med time know need know without simple task like showering dish feel impossible fall behind schoolwork isolated sleep hour day know work felt much better taking regularly dang want take one day ignored alarm take kept take sporadically much ssri mood stabilizer need build system part think maybe hate daily reminder ok like think maybe ignore long enough forget feel way even knowing may part feel like know mostly wondering anyone else feel like know feel way may helped get back track taking regularly talked therapist friend able really figure full reason feel way get back taking regularly dealt think may understand resistance taking med happening appreciate hearing potential reason way improve course everyone mental health unique may relate someone else reason would still really appreciate hearing potential one understand feeling bit better -"I’ve been having this thought that depression is very to addiction. The harder you try to push away depression usually the harder it rips you back in. Additionally, non-adicts/non-depressed think they are strong enough to put down the pills or booze for good or just brighten up and snap out of depression.",1,thought depression addiction harder try push away depression usually harder rip back additionally non adicts non depressed think strong enough put pill booze good brighten snap depression -"ITS SO HARD TO OPEN UP TO PEOPLE BECAUSE EVEN THE ONES IM CLOSE WITH FORGET ABOUT MEKSKSJSJSHDJSJS i'll die and they'll wonder ""why didn't she say anything"" well babes i did but nobody cared enough to remember! the urge to make everyone feel guilty over it is real.",1,hard open people even one im close forget meksksjsjshdjsjs die wonder say anything well babe nobody cared enough remember urge make everyone feel guilty real -"I've been dealing with depression for pretty much as long as I can remember (was diagnosed with it as a child). Some days are better than others, the same can be said about the months and even years. To be honest I never thought I would make it to the age I am now and have never really given any thought to what I wanted out of life besides the basic things like friends, loved ones, and many even a romantic partner. Outside of that I am lost. I don't have a ""dream job"" in mind really and I don't have any set goals. I'm getting older and it feels like the walls are closing in on what time I have left and I don't know what to do. I have friends and family who love me but they have their lives pretty much together at this point or are close to their goals. I have a job I hate, no career options, I can't drive, and don't have any education outside of high school. I feel like I just exist. I have to rely on people for rides which makes me feel like a burden. I don't have enough money to make it on my own so I live with my parents. I feel like friends keep me around out of pitty because I tend to be the one to start every conversation. I'm a part of people's lives but have nothing of my own. I don't know what to do anymore. I know I'm not at my worst yet because some things still bring me some joy but none of that fixes the problem. I have no motivation. I try to reach out for help but I don't exactly get any? I pretty much get pushed to the back burner a lot. And I get it. People have their own things to deal with. But I need help. I can't do this alone because doing it on my own isn't working. I just want to leave this ""place"" I'm in (the job, the town, the everything probably) and find what I want. Whatever that is. I don't even know if I'm looking for advice or just to have someone tell me I'm not crazy?",1,dealing depression pretty much long remember diagnosed child day better others said month even year honest never thought would make age never really given thought wanted life besides basic thing like friend loved one many even romantic partner outside lost dream job mind really set goal getting older feel like wall closing time left know friend family love life pretty much together point close goal job hate career option drive education outside high school feel like exist rely people ride make feel like burden enough money make live parent feel like friend keep around pitty tend one start every conversation part people life nothing know anymore know worst yet thing still bring joy none fix problem motivation try reach help exactly get pretty much get pushed back burner lot get people thing deal need help alone working want leave place job town everything probably find want whatever even know looking advice someone tell crazy -i just feel really alone. talking to ppl might just drag them down with me too. idk. reddit rlly is just the only place i can truly share my feelings on.,1,feel really alone talking ppl might drag idk reddit rlly place truly share feeling -I fucking hate how you start to get to know someone and think they’re pretty cool then they block you on everything and it just fucks sucks. Makes me want to cry all day and just ignore everyone but I know I can’t,1,fucking hate start get know someone think pretty cool block everything fuck suck make want cry day ignore everyone know -"I’ve always been this “put together” person in people’s eyes, but in reality, i’m so close to the end. I see no light at the end of the tunnel. I have no passion, motivation and anything that generates to being happy. I don’t know what to do. I’m in constant despair. I don’t really like opening up to anyone I know. I just feel like there’s nothing I can do to fix this.",1,always put together person people eye reality close end see light end tunnel passion motivation anything generates happy know constant despair really like opening anyone know feel like nothing fix -i’m in my early 20s and realized it’ll almost be 10 years since i was diagnosed. the times of my life supposed to filled with fun memories have been nothing but pain. i don’t intend on living another decade like this,1,early 0 realized almost 0 year since diagnosed time life supposed filled fun memory nothing pain intend living another decade like -Simply put. I did not take college or any role post HS seriously. It’s why I’m forever living with limitations.,1,simply put take college role post h seriously forever living limitation -"I've struggled with suicidal thoughts for a long time and I've been close to attempting many times. But there was a day(about a month ago) on which I stopped drinking water out of desperation. I hoped to die from dehydration. I was aware that it wouldn't work since I don't live alone and someone would notice. I was also aware that dehydration would be a slow and painful way to go. That's why I started drinking water again on the next day. Was this an attempt? it didn't really feel like one because I was nowhere near of dying, but the intention was there",1,struggled suicidal thought long time close attempting many time day month ago stopped drinking water desperation hoped die dehydration aware work since live alone someone would notice also aware dehydration would slow painful way go started drinking water next day attempt really feel like one nowhere near dying intention -"You exit the game when you're bored or if you don't like it or if it makes you feel bad. Right? - - -You don't snoop around for LITERAL YEARS waiting for the stagnant and painful game to get better. Right?? - - -So I don't understand why I'm still here. I guess I'm just afraid to exit the game because I've been playing it my whole life. I don't know what I'll do when I leave it. - - -It's like my game is plagued with a virus. No matter what I do it won't get better. I've tried MY HARDEST and my best to fix it, fix the root of it. But I've been cursed since birth and no matter what I do it won't get better. It's why I'm so depressed. Because it will NEVER go away. I either live with it or die. - - -I am so fucking over playing this game. I'm so over crying and feeling like shit every waking moment I have to play the game. I don't want to play anymore.",1,exit game bored like make feel bad right snoop around literal year waiting stagnant painful game get better right understand still guess afraid exit game playing whole life know leave like game plagued virus matter get better tried hardest best fix fix root cursed since birth matter get better depressed never go away either live die fucking playing game cry feeling like shit every waking moment play game want play anymore -"The thought of living the rest of my life with depression is so sad and I don't think I can handle it. I am already dead inside, but I still have to live with my body. I couldn't see my life other than being boring and empty. There is just nothing to look forward to. The regrets from my past keep haunting me and there is no way to stop it. No matter how hard I try to improve, every day is the same. As I dropped out from college and currently unemployed with unsupportive parents, I believe my life is already in ruins.",1,thought living rest life depression sad think handle already dead inside still live body see life boring empty nothing look forward regret past keep haunting way stop matter hard try improve every day dropped college currently unemployed unsupportive parent believe life already ruin -"I don't have someone emotionally close by. My parents do love me, but it's cold and lack intimacy. I am looking to feel emotionally safe. I am trying to find a girlfriend with whom i can be safe emotionally. But till them , i feel i am fighting alone with no one to give me a hand if i fall(emotionally) to get up. So i fear doing lot of things. I live in state of fear. Like I might one wrong thing with a date , work,etc. And domino will fall and everything will come crumbling down. Which will now even push me off my physical safety. - -Couple of things about me. - -I am 28m brown man from India currently living in Europe. - -I had childhood where i had Oppositional defiant disorder. -Imagine the Junior Healy from Problem child or the movie The Babadook But he had understanding father. I didn't had such supporting figure. And school made it clear to my mother, if he isn't disciplined, he will be kicked out of school. And she fearing i would not have better future without school education, i will be left behind. She implemented corporal punishment like kicking me, hitting with metal rod, etc. -And routine shaming at school for me being bad was common. Getting kicked out of class was common so much that now i joke about my childhood as being and ""Outstanding student"" because of many times i was to stand out of class. - -There was a point when things got to boiling point that my mom wished i wasn't born to her. - -Eventually I realized the pain I caused people about me. I started to doing things to make others, my mom happy. (Well i tried, it didn't worked always) i never lost my rebel streak, but a constant ping in my head would haunt me of things i have done to cause others inconvenience in past. - -Somewhere down the line I lost myself. And I trying to be myself. But i fear of falling in my old self and everybody hating me. - -I have fear of judgment. Like one recent example : I live in white neighborhood. And given the media doesn't have that many positive image of young brown man, other than extremely nerdy or extremely creepy. And i fear if I like someone who isn't brown, might judge me. (Don't get me wrong if a stoic brown girl comes in my life with good sense of humor and decent looking, I don't mind having a relationship with her, but i fear if we both have exposed to similar set of media tropes, she might judge me by same parameters). - -I try to use humor as coping mechanism to make people around me happy. But then get in overthinking and depression mode if one person doesn't laugh or find me annoying. - -I have intimacy issues i think, i don't remember exact details. But I was being cheeky as usual with a girl back in India. She was laughing at my jokes. And at one point she said ""you so cute"" and hugged me. That feeling of hug felt so foreign, that i stood there frozen. - -I am hyper independent cause my mom have warned me since childhood, that world is not safe place and people can take advantage of you, so never be under anybody's thumb , which i guess makes sense. Not gonna lie. But it also makes you skeptical of lot of people, which is also not good i guess. I will help someone with no second thought. But asking for help , makes me feel like keep a large rock on my heart. So i forgo my needs. - -Seeing happy couples makes me depressed as I feel left behind, like i should have done this long time ago. - -Anybody can tell me something. Or provide me with links or insights as for now I couldn't afford therapy (i am trying to find one. I am in talks with a therapy at a church in a city). - -Thanks a lot.",1,someone emotionally close parent love cold lack intimacy looking feel emotionally safe trying find girlfriend safe emotionally till feel fighting alone one give hand fall emotionally get fear lot thing live state fear like might one wrong thing date work etc domino fall everything come crumbling even push physical safety couple thing brown man india currently living europe childhood oppositional defiant disorder imagine junior healy problem child movie babadook understanding father supporting figure school made clear mother disciplined kicked school fearing would better future without school education left behind implemented corporal punishment like kicking hitting metal rod etc routine shaming school bad common getting kicked class common much joke childhood outstanding student many time stand class point thing got boiling point mom wished born eventually realized pain caused people started thing make others mom happy well tried worked always never lost rebel streak constant ping head would haunt thing done cause others inconvenience past somewhere line lost trying fear falling old self everybody hating fear judgment like one recent example live white neighborhood given medium many positive image young brown man extremely nerdy extremely creepy fear like someone brown might judge get wrong stoic brown girl come life good sense humor decent looking mind relationship fear exposed similar set medium trope might judge parameter try use humor coping mechanism make people around happy get overthinking depression mode one person laugh find annoying intimacy issue think remember exact detail cheeky usual girl back india laughing joke one point said cute hugged feeling hug felt foreign stood frozen hyper independent cause mom warned since childhood world safe place people take advantage never anybody thumb guess make sense gon na lie also make skeptical lot people also good guess help someone second thought asking help make feel like keep large rock heart forgo need seeing happy couple make depressed feel left behind like done long time ago anybody tell something provide link insight afford therapy trying find one talk therapy church city thanks lot -"Today I finally shoved the last person out of my life that I was keeping around only because I didn’t want to feel completely and utterly alone. It’s ok-they were using me for their own benefit as well. But I broke down, I realized that I’m depressed again. I was trying really really hard to avoid admitting it to myself, but I am. Ive gained about 20 pounds in two months, some of which I had lost and was feeling really good about, I have absolutely no friends left, Im struggling in school really bad, so bad that I don’t think I’m going to graduate highschool this year, and I don’t have a car anymore so all I’m doing is going to work or sitting at home in my room. When I say I have absolutely no one, I really truly mean it. I couldn’t name one friend that I have, and my family doesn’t like me either. They always say that you really do have people, but I don’t. And I can’t talk to people, because of the pandemic I have terrible social anxiety and I can’t connect with people. I’m overweight and getting worse, so it’s not like I’m approachable. I truly don’t believe that people would care if I was gone. Sure, someone dying is terrible and it’s sad of course, but me being gone wouldn’t really affect any one after awhile. I’m getting to a point where I don’t know whether I should wait for things to get better or give up. It’s really feeling like there’s no point in waiting, because things aren’t going to get better no matter how long I wait. I’m really losing hope and I don’t know what to do anymore. I cant afford therapy and I really don’t have anyone else to talk to.",1,today finally shoved last person life keeping around want feel completely utterly alone ok using benefit well broke realized depressed trying really really hard avoid admitting ive gained 0 pound two month lost feeling really good absolutely friend left im struggling school really bad bad think going graduate highschool year car anymore going work sitting home room say absolutely one really truly mean name one friend family like either always say really people talk people pandemic terrible social anxiety connect people overweight getting worse like approachable truly believe people would care gone sure someone dying terrible sad course gone really affect one awhile getting point know whether wait thing get better give really feeling like point waiting thing going get better matter long wait really losing hope know anymore cant afford therapy really anyone else talk -"hi everyone, i find myself in a sad situation and i can't really seem to be able to find a way out or support. so i thought i could write about it here. i'm 20 and moved to study abroad 6 months ago. i love college and i love what i do, i am fairly aware i am privileged in more ways than one and that i should be happy about it, but it's not enough. when i left, i tried my best to leave everything behind as much as i could, because i know i will never live in my home country again (and that's sort of the goal, anyways). as someone who has generalized anxiety, overall i am also aware that this was a very big step in itself. i have been struggling with depression and anxiety that also take toll on my physical health from time to time since i moved, but everything got worse a few weeks ago. i had a 5 week long break from university and i forced myself not to go home, so i can be more accustomed to living here. the problem was that i barely went out for 5 weeks, being too anxious to do so and also my neighbour and friend was also visiting her home country. i felt very alone and isolated. now i started college again and i realise every day how stupid that was and i'm stuck on wanting to turn back time, which i know is impossible. i cry every day, i wish to go home and i have major problems performing at university. i honestly don't know what to do. i feel hopeless and alone. if anyone has any advice, i would really appreciate it. thank you :)",1,hi everyone find sad situation really seem able find way support thought could write 0 moved study abroad month ago love college love fairly aware privileged way one happy enough left tried best leave everything behind much could know never live home country sort goal anyways someone generalized anxiety overall also aware big step struggling depression anxiety also take toll physical health time time since moved everything got worse week ago week long break university forced go home accustomed living problem barely went week anxious also neighbour friend also visiting home country felt alone isolated started college realise every day stupid stuck wanting turn back time know impossible cry every day wish go home major problem performing university honestly know feel hopeless alone anyone advice would really appreciate thank -It’s like no matter what I do I fuck it all up! Why am I a giant fuck up machine???,1,like matter fuck giant fuck machine -"I don’t feel a will to live, I don’t want a family, I don’t want to work a 9-5 for 40 years and then die. I have friends, they care about me and my family is very loving. But I can’t see myself just being another copy of a human who is normal, speaks normal, and acts normal. I don’t feel like doing anything. If I end up just being a man who dosen’t really ”live” i’ll just kill myself.",1,feel live want family want work 9 0 year die friend care family loving see another copy human normal speaks normal act normal feel like anything end man dosen really live kill -"I’m on lexapro (20mg), I feel is going well and I think lexapro saved my life. But somedays I feel like I have no energy, not interested or is super hard to get out from bed. is this normal? I mean, I have a good experience with lexapro but for a reason that I don’t know, somedays are just awful. I’ll talk this with my doctor, but I would like to know if someone experimented the same.",1,lexapro 0mg feel going well think lexapro saved life somedays feel like energy interested super hard get bed normal mean good experience lexapro reason know somedays awful talk doctor would like know someone experimented -"I’m not sure if this a thought process shared by few or many but it’s one I wanted some clarity on. I’ve suffered with mental illness since my later high school years and and now starting my 3rd year of University. I have ambitions and desires and all the intent in the world to do good with myself and be the best I can be. I have goals, not super defined (which I think is a result of my illness), but I just can’t bring myself to really go for it. I’ve been skipping class cause of anxiety issues, whilst simultaneously being completely aware of how much of my life is being wasted away because my brain won’t let me do what I want to do. Is this a common thing? It’s a complete self awareness of what I’m doing wrong but an incapability to change it? - -Really would like some thoughts on this.",1,sure thought process shared many one wanted clarity suffered mental illness since later high school year starting rd year university ambition desire intent world good best goal super defined think result illness bring really go skipping class cause anxiety issue whilst simultaneously completely aware much life wasted away brain let want common thing complete self awareness wrong incapability change really would like thought -"I wish I had someone I could talk to, i know they wouldnt care but itd be nice to know i have friend",1,wish someone could talk know wouldnt care itd nice know friend -... I always feel like I dont matter...,1,always feel like dont matter -In this post I will reveal the center to my problems. And I better get started. Ive never been in a relationship before. Strangely I never really been attracted to many people before but recently back in November while I was riding my bus home I seen a girl who blew my mind away. She’s so beautiful she’s everything I find attractive. She still rides my bus and I usually sit right behind her. She never talked to me and I never talked to her. The only interaction we had was when she handed me a clipboard to right my name because the bus driver was making seating charts. I can’t stop thinking about her. I want to talk to her so bad but I never will because I’m lame and have no social skills. It’s hard to cope with. Knowing there someone who relates to you so much you see everyday but not being able to go say hi. It sucks. I’m not mad I’m just fucking sad man. I want to cry.,1,post reveal center problem better get started ive never relationship strangely never really attracted many people recently back november riding bus home seen girl blew mind away beautiful everything find attractive still ride bus usually sit right behind never talked never talked interaction handed clipboard right name bus driver making seating chart stop thinking want talk bad never lame social skill hard cope knowing someone relates much see everyday able go say hi suck mad fucking sad man want cry -"I’m 23, and I feel like my life is completely pointless. - -I struggle with OCD and most of the time it consumes my every waking thought. I go to therapy, but somehow I never end up doing the “homework,” and I’m not making as much progress as I should be. - -I go to my local community college. Even though I do really well in my classes, it doesn’t feel like an accomplishment. I originally got into a good university but dropped out very quickly due to poor mental health. Now a lot of my previous friends have actually graduated with degrees from 4 year universities, while I’m still kind of stuck. - -I can’t drive, and I don’t have a friend group. I have one close friend and a few acquaintances, but I struggle with making new close friends because I am extremely socially anxious. I used to have more friends, but I’ve burned most of those bridges. - -Looking at my life, I don’t really see much to live for. I feel disconnected from everyone else in society and I can’t escape my anxiety. Every stride I make seems to be temporary, and I am so tired of having to struggle through every day. - -I don’t really have a point, I guess I’m just venting. I honestly don’t know if anyone can do anything for me. I know I need to do the work myself, it just feels pointless.",1,feel like life completely pointless struggle ocd time consumes every waking thought go therapy somehow never end homework making much progress go local community college even though really well class feel like accomplishment originally got good university dropped quickly due poor mental health lot previous friend actually graduated degree year university still kind stuck drive friend group one close friend acquaintance struggle making new close friend extremely socially anxious used friend burned bridge looking life really see much live feel disconnected everyone else society escape anxiety every stride make seems temporary tired struggle every day really point guess venting honestly know anyone anything know need work feel pointless -"Fuck myself, fuck life, fuck people, fuck society, fuck everything. Because fuck fuck fuck all of this bullshit. I would've never fucking chosen life, why am I expected to live it? Fuck, just fuck ALL of this",1,fuck fuck life fuck people fuck society fuck everything fuck fuck fuck bullshit would never fucking chosen life expected live fuck fuck -I am suicidal almost everyday. I have about half a semester left of my 1st year of college. I am constantly studying or driving to school or doing homework. I do not have time to go to the doctor for my mental health but i think it’s gonna be too late one day. I simply cannot find the motivation to use one of my limited free days during the week to go to the doctor because i’d rather lay in bed because i’m depressed. This is the worst sickness ever.,1,suicidal almost everyday half semester left st year college constantly studying driving school homework time go doctor mental health think gon na late one day simply find motivation use one limited free day week go doctor rather lay bed depressed worst sickness ever -"I really need a diagnosis - -My body hurts sometimes. Not in a pain way but like A close relative has died. My heart sinks, my hands shake but it’s over a very minor thing. My head is saying everything is fine (logical) but my body feels horrible. Like I want to burst into tears. - -I’d rather physical pain than this. I’ve broken my fingers punching stuff just to snap out of it which works. But the best way is for someone to tell me I’m wrong. Tell me that I’m thinking stupidly but it’s ok and that everything is alright and then it goes away. - -This has happened for a couple years now and I hate it and I need some help. It’s happening as I write this and I have no one to talk to to feel alright and my head went straight to punching something so I can feel alright again but I know I shouldn’t do that. I’d really appreciate some help.",1,really need diagnosis body hurt sometimes pain way like close relative died heart sink hand shake minor thing head saying everything fine logical body feel horrible like want burst tear rather physical pain broken finger punching stuff snap work best way someone tell wrong tell thinking stupidly ok everything alright go away happened couple year hate need help happening write one talk feel alright head went straight punching something feel alright know really appreciate help -"1 month ago i was hospitalized because deperssion, i was diagnosed with depression, they put me on abilify and depakote, not first time on meds, 1 year ago i was on seroquel depakote and klonopin because my psy tought i was bipolar, but maniac phase or psychosis never happened and fit me, i remember the last 3 days in hospital i had this urge need of masturbate, orgasm were beautiful, and after i got home i had for a week these urge of masturbation and good orgasm, but only in masturbation as i remember, not in sex too. someone had the same experience? i was recently diagnosed with adhd, my psychiatric tapered off abilify and im now 5 mg next week 0. i started with depakote 750 mg and 30 mg abilify, next week i will be start again ritalin for my adhd. why i had this increased libido? thank you everybody",1,month ago hospitalized deperssion diagnosed depression put abilify depakote first time med year ago seroquel depakote klonopin psy tought bipolar maniac phase psychosis never happened fit remember last day hospital urge need masturbate orgasm beautiful got home week urge masturbation good orgasm masturbation remember sex someone experience recently diagnosed adhd psychiatric tapered abilify im mg next week 0 started depakote 0 mg 0 mg abilify next week start ritalin adhd increased libido thank everybody -"It’s my fourth week withdrawing from paroxetine 37.5 mg CR and currently I’m on 10mg daily but I’m going through hell. - -Will have 10 mg every alternate days starting next week :))) - -Pray for my soul.",1,fourth week withdrawing paroxetine mg cr currently 0mg daily going hell 0 mg every alternate day starting next week pray soul -"today my teacher called me and told me if i had trouble in class because I didnt do any of the activities she assigned, she asked me specifically if I had trouble at home which I don't, it somehow made me felt validated since I dont really have much to be sad about and she thinking I had it worse... lmao. In truth im probably just a whiny little kid that just wants someones validation, everyone around me tells me that im just lazy, my parents and my cousin that was once the person closest to me. the worse part is that its like 11pm and I still didnt do shit and it sucks because I have to go tomorrow again, and she'll ask again, I dont want to tell her anything because she'll probably call my mom or something lol she doesnt deserve this either, dont want her to do something significant and care too much about me, its not worth it. Im not worth it.",1,today teacher called told trouble class didnt activity assigned asked specifically trouble home somehow made felt validated since dont really much sad thinking worse lmao truth im probably whiny little kid want someone validation everyone around tell im lazy parent cousin person closest worse part like pm still didnt shit suck go tomorrow ask dont want tell anything probably call mom something lol doesnt deserve either dont want something significant care much worth im worth -"Hello! I’ll try to keep this brief. I grew up in an abusive household and came to study in the US to get away from that. Last semester I was assaulted. My therapist says I might have some sadness and depression and I know I do. But my Main concern is how since starting college I literally, even if my life depended on it , cannot focus on work. I don’t know if this is due to lack of motivation due to depression or some attention issue . I think it might be a combination. I’m going to Hopkins this summer for an internship and plan to see a psychiatrist there who can diagnose me. Any idea what kind of psychologist I should look for?",1,hello try keep brief grew abusive household came study u get away last semester assaulted therapist say might sadness depression know main concern since starting college literally even life depended focus work know due lack motivation due depression attention issue think might combination going hopkins summer internship plan see psychiatrist diagnose idea kind psychologist look -"I'm really close to my family and my parents are the most important people in my life, which makes me so scared for the day that one of them dies and our lives change. This is my biggest fear and the worst thing is that it will actually happen some day. - -This fear of losing the most important people in my life has also affected my love life, as in I'm scared to get into a serious relationship or to think about a future with someone. I really love kids but I don't think I would be able to handle all the pain if something was to happen to them. -All of this makes me think that maybe this really is a hell on earth. Did I do something bad in my previous life that now I'm in hell of my own thoughts? - -I wonder if there are others with these worries and making you scared to love. -People say that grief is the price you pay for love, but I don't think I can mentally handle that. - - -And sorry if I made some grammar errors, English is my second language.",1,really close family parent important people life make scared day one dy life change biggest fear worst thing actually happen day fear losing important people life also affected love life scared get serious relationship think future someone really love kid think would able handle pain something happen make think maybe really hell earth something bad previous life hell thought wonder others worry making scared love people say grief price pay love think mentally handle sorry made grammar error english second language -"I don't quite remember the dream. Part of it was strange, like all dreams, the place and the people who were with me changed and I don't know exactly who they were. A bit like all dreams. - -But I remember that at one point I came to my room, I saw a girl reading one of my books, I sat next to her, I gave her a kiss and she told me that she loved me. - -I've been awake for 2 hours, and I'm still holding back the urge to cry.",1,quite remember dream part strange like dream place people changed know exactly bit like dream remember one point came room saw girl reading one book sat next gave kiss told loved awake hour still holding back urge cry -"Fuck toxic positivity. You have every right to feel angry, pissed, depressed, frustrated, sad, numb, tired, exhausted if your life's shit. No, even if your life isn't shit. - -It's fucking okay.",1,fuck toxic positivity every right feel angry pissed depressed frustrated sad numb tired exhausted life shit even life shit fucking okay -"im fucking drunk at 9am even if im fucking 25 with ""my life still ahead of me"" - -i don't wanna do this anymore. i dont even have a house anymore. i have nobodt.y fck i cant even type noboidy. i just want to end things but im too scared to even kill myself. hpw do i do it without failing? i often imagine others doing it for me. can someone help me do it where can i go to do it - -i think it will irresponsib;e for me to just jump into traffic as i don't want others to suffer. i just want to go quietly. are there any services like that - -why is it so hard to log out of this life - -anybody wanna kill me? no strings attached.. - -we are the breath",1,im fucking drunk 9am even im fucking life still ahead wan na anymore dont even house anymore nobodt fck cant even type noboidy want end thing im scared even kill hpw without failing often imagine others someone help go think irresponsib e jump traffic want others suffer want go quietly service like hard log life anybody wan na kill string attached breath -"I have been living my sadness for a year. I lost my wife and I don't want to continue here... I want to see her again, I want to be with her...I am trying to continue my life but I miss her so much.",1,living sadness year lost wife want continue want see want trying continue life miss much -"Since i was diagnosed with Depression, my Mother pretty much didn't care about the Case that i have it. Every Time i try to approach to her and like to talk about my Problems, she just groans annoyed about it and tells me to be more positive. No deep Conversation, no Sight of Empathie, only typical standard Bullshit Phrases every Person would say, who never had it and can't understand it. - -I went through some ruff shit. And after everything that happend, i just get those bland annoyed Responses from the Person who gave birth to me.",1,since diagnosed depression mother pretty much care case every time try approach like talk problem groan annoyed tell positive deep conversation sight empathie typical standard bullshit phrase every person would say never understand went ruff shit everything happend get bland annoyed response person gave birth -"I am still doing Online Classes; my College takes me 1 hour to reach, and I feel “comfortable” without expending gasoline, car stuff, and heat (I live in a place where is a dessert). And one of my only types of interaction is Social Media. - -I use most Instagram and Reddit. And just today, a Girl who I think is pretty and everything just told me things about why am I “like” her photos -And I was like... this is serious? -She was mad about it; she was mad because I like her photos and profile. - -I don't have friends; I’ve been mentally unstable for almost 3 years. I always wanna kill myself, and I believe death is the “true freedom.” -And these kinds of things happening? -Wtf -Doesn't help, doesn't work. - -I know I should just ignore her and understand my position and situation but... wtf humanity? -She said to stop doing that to others and do something else, and I was... “Girl... these are the only place where I met, and I can meet people; why I’d feel bad about it?” - -... Fuck.",1,still online class college take hour reach feel comfortable without expending gasoline car stuff heat live place dessert one type interaction social medium use instagram reddit today girl think pretty everything told thing like photo like serious mad mad like photo profile friend mentally unstable almost year always wan na kill believe death true freedom kind thing happening wtf help work know ignore understand position situation wtf humanity said stop others something else girl place met meet people feel bad fuck -I can feel tired all day but as soon as I’m in bed I can’t sleep. I lay in bed for hours with my eyes closed unable to sleep. I have tried melatonin but it makes it hard for me to wake up. I have just been having a lot of trouble sleeping. Even when I’m able to sleep I always wake up in the middle of the night and stay awake. I just wanna be able to sleep early for once and be able to feel well rested in the morning. Any advice?,1,feel tired day soon bed sleep lay bed hour eye closed unable sleep tried melatonin make hard wake lot trouble sleeping even able sleep always wake middle night stay awake wan na able sleep early able feel well rested morning advice -"Even today it's a strain on society. People thinking people with depression are over acting, lazy, making excuses. Even with the people who believe in it, they still don't know how bad it gets. Thinking you can change, that everything will be okay, or my own personal favorite ""a lot of people have it worse"". I remember finally reaching out for help on the hotline, only to have the police knock on my door, handcuff me, and take me to the hospital. I was next to the ambulance triage door and saw multiple people enter and exit while screaming. And a patient in front of me decided to do perverted acts in front of me. I'm more traumatized by the ""help"" I got. Also where I live the mental health place for teens is a death trap. There are many one star reviews for one of the few main mental health places where I live. It sucks that I want to get help, but society just literally treats me like I'm wrong or that the places where I want to get help aren't safe. I do have a therapist but I still don't feel safe around her.",1,even today strain society people thinking people depression acting lazy making excuse even people believe still know bad get thinking change everything okay personal favorite lot people worse remember finally reaching help hotline police knock door handcuff take hospital next ambulance triage door saw multiple people enter exit screaming patient front decided perverted act front traumatized help got also live mental health place teen death trap many one star review one main mental health place live suck want get help society literally treat like wrong place want get help safe therapist still feel safe around -"I don't know what to so with my life, I'm tired of trying, I'm in meds for my bipolar and bpd but I just can't anymore, I'm mad, i can't be sad because of the meds and it's making me crazy, i can't feel anything, just 😶, i feel like live it's pointless to me, i only enjoy when i live for others, and i don't have anyone, I'm tired...",1,know life tired trying med bipolar bpd anymore mad sad med making crazy feel anything feel like live pointless enjoy live others anyone tired -"I’m an 18 year old male, and I have spent my last couple years with little hope and lots of sadness. I am writing this after failing my 3rd driving test ($360 each). I have failed my test 3 times, and just been working a fuck tonne at mcdonald’s to pay for my repeated failures. That’s not the start though, i’m estranged from my family (my biological dad left… probably for a good reason) been threatened to be kicked out my house( keep in mind, i need to pass my test before i leave my house, for a job, which is making it even more stressful) most in part to my drug addiction mainly weed (yes, weed…) i’ve tried to quit weed 3+ times in the last 6 months and the furthest i’ve achieved is FOUR DAYS before smoking again. This girl i really liked dipped after one night. I wanted to go to uni but got a senior year score of about 54 out of 99.5. - -At this point i just think i’m going to fail forever. I feel almost selfish for making myself sound like i’m experiencing what ukrainians are right now, but the constant cloud of pain is so much. - -Can someone please help me see the bigger picture. i’m sorry",1,year old male spent last couple year little hope lot sadness writing failing rd driving test 0 failed test time working fuck tonne mcdonald pay repeated failure start though estranged family biological dad left probably good reason threatened kicked house keep mind need pas test leave house job making even stressful part drug addiction mainly weed yes weed tried quit weed time last month furthest achieved four day smoking girl really liked dipped one night wanted go uni got senior year score 99 point think going fail forever feel almost selfish making sound like experiencing ukrainian right constant cloud pain much someone please help see bigger picture sorry -I (20M) recently had to move back in with my parents and I have become incredibly depressed due to many reasons living here. They aren’t too keen on therapy and I was looking into cerebral. Does anyone have any experience and can give an honest review of it?,1,0m recently move back parent become incredibly depressed due many reason living keen therapy looking cerebral anyone experience give honest review -"I have hit 30 and I had 2 friends from highschool left, I kept seeing them for the last few years but when I see them now I feel lonely and I basically cut content a few weeks back. - -I have one friend left who is going through loads of stuff and hardly has any time to hang out, so I basically feel so alone all the time. It's crippling, I feel like I'm a ghost in this city, no friends left, no opportunity, I just feel like I failed not getting out of here sooner. - -I live in Perth, Western Australia and I wanted to move to Melbourne 4 years ago and as I was getting ready Covid struck and now I'm stuck in a city I hate, with people that don't value friendship. - -I was seeing a girl form 7 months and she ended up cheating on me with my friend and her ex husband. She broke my heart, told.me she loved me. - -I invested a bit of money in cryptocurrencies and I've 50k, fuck I had enough for a deposit on a house or a new car. What do I do instead? I let my depression destroy me, I spent 20k on hookers and weed, I went through 6 months of pure destruction. - -I am sitting on 10k left now in cryptocurrencies. - -I doing a bachelor of Marketing and I was going to elaborate graduating with my friend. Yet, after the girl cheated on me I was emotionally fucked. I dropped down from 4 units to 1 unit. - -Then I found out my brother was raped, he is 15 and that dropped me so low, I should have protected him. Then I finally got off the weed a month ago and now I have this crippling depression that keeps getting deeper. - -I keep isolating myself, I don't go outside, because I don't have a job. - -I'm working on getting down to the mines here so I can actually earn a living and buy some cryptocurrency. Honestly, turning 30 has been the worst for me, I'm at such a cross roads and my mental strength has been reduced to nothing. - -The other day nearly drove myself off the road on a steep hill, I thought of my family last minute and decided not to.",1,hit 0 friend highschool left kept seeing last year see feel lonely basically cut content week back one friend left going load stuff hardly time hang basically feel alone time crippling feel like ghost city friend left opportunity feel like failed getting sooner live perth western australia wanted move melbourne year ago getting ready covid struck stuck city hate people value friendship seeing girl form month ended cheating friend ex husband broke heart told loved invested bit money cryptocurrencies 0k fuck enough deposit house new car instead let depression destroy spent 0k hooker weed went month pure destruction sitting 0k left cryptocurrencies bachelor marketing going elaborate graduating friend yet girl cheated emotionally fucked dropped unit unit found brother raped dropped low protected finally got weed month ago crippling depression keep getting deeper keep isolating go outside job working getting mine actually earn living buy cryptocurrency honestly turning 0 worst cross road mental strength reduced nothing day nearly drove road steep hill thought family last minute decided -"They said if I got off my lazy ass and got a job, my depression would go away, I’d finally have a reason to live, that I would be more confident and happy. And now that I have a perfectly pleasant job with good pay I feel…. Miserable. - -I think about tomorrow with the utmost dread even tho I know tomorrow won’t be so bad. The worst thing that can happen is I’ll embarrass myself or say something awkward. But when I think about going to work tomorrow, the next immediate thought is “well honestly, I’d rather just not be alive.” - -Everyone told me once I got a job and stopped being a disappointment, I’d be happy. But now, I might have some money and can pay some bills, but that’s it. I don’t feel more confident or fulfilled. I feel lonelier than ever because if I tell anyone I’d rather die than go to work, I’ll come off as spoiled and entitled instead of someone whose brain is always stuck in the flight response.",1,said got lazy as got job depression would go away finally reason live would confident happy perfectly pleasant job good pay feel miserable think tomorrow utmost dread even tho know tomorrow bad worst thing happen embarrass say something awkward think going work tomorrow next immediate thought well honestly rather alive everyone told got job stopped disappointment happy might money pay bill feel confident fulfilled feel lonelier ever tell anyone rather die go work come spoiled entitled instead someone whose brain always stuck flight response -"I stopped my dad from killing himself yesterday and idk what i should do . I don't know how to help him . I offered to help him talk to a therapist but he said no . I'm afraid to lose him . When i pulled the gun out of his hand he looked so scared and overwhelmed. He even said thank you . For now I took the guns from the house . I hope to God it was just a one off and he won't try again , but i don't know how to help. I know i can call 911 and they will put him in a hospital for his own safety... I don't know . I'm scared of doing that . He doesn't like hospitals . Any help would be appreciated I'm completely lost",1,stopped dad killing yesterday idk know help offered help talk therapist said afraid lose pulled gun hand looked scared overwhelmed even said thank took gun house hope god one try know help know call 9 put hospital safety know scared like hospital help would appreciated completely lost -Even after 2 years I still feel the hole that she made I’m trying so hard but nothing work…,1,even year still feel hole made trying hard nothing work -"I know it’s getting to a low point again. I don’t want to leave my bed, my grades are low, my mom is worried and if she doesn’t bring me food to my room I would eat. I can’t shower, I can’t help myself from sleeping. -I told my boyfriend and I feel like he is not here for me. Not with this depression stuff. -I don’t want to do. All I do is cry and sleep. I’m so tired and I don’t even move to go to the bathroom. -I hate being in this loop. I just hate everything and I don’t want to talk to anyone but I know I need help. -I thought I was doing better, but I’m at my lowest again.",1,know getting low point want leave bed grade low mom worried bring food room would eat shower help sleeping told boyfriend feel like depression stuff want cry sleep tired even move go bathroom hate loop hate everything want talk anyone know need help thought better lowest -"I have a hard time articulating how I really feel, and it frustrates me to no end. I just wanna let it all out but its so hard. It makes it a lot difficult to seek help when I can't really explain what I'm feeling and thinking about. I can somewhat recognize what I'm feeling but the moment I try to write it down or explain it, my mind goes blank (though I can say a part of me does feel guilty for unloading all my problems onto someone, so maybe thats one of the reasons I'm unable to reach out to people for help. Plus... another part of me is like trying to convince myself I'm actually ok and faking it or being overdramatic which also stops me from saying anything). - -So I usually turn to the Internet to see if there's anyone who might feel the same way and could explain it in words better than I can.. I'm sort of relieved to know that there are other people feeling exactly what I'm feeling cause it really makes me feel like I'm not alone in this (although it really sucks that we all have to go through this). - -I'm not in a good state right now, so I can't really give words of encouragement without feeling like a hypocrite but.. yeah. You're definitely not alone in this.",1,hard time articulating really feel frustrates end wan na let hard make lot difficult seek help really explain feeling thinking somewhat recognize feeling moment try write explain mind go blank though say part feel guilty unloading problem onto someone maybe thats one reason unable reach people help plus another part like trying convince actually ok faking overdramatic also stop saying anything usually turn internet see anyone might feel way could explain word better sort relieved know people feeling exactly feeling cause really make feel like alone although really suck go good state right really give word encouragement without feeling like hypocrite yeah definitely alone -"I am afraid that they are gonna abandon me or hurt me. When people talk around me sometimes I feel out of place and I start to daydream and isolate myself. I am afraid to love someone, I am afraid that they will realize that I am worthless and abandon me. So I stay alone, single, and I have a hard time loving myself. I don't take my place. I don't like going out in groups, often I find that the group moves on without realizing that someone is left behind. It makes me sad. -I've had different friends and I've evolved over time. There have been more enjoyable groups and I am doing therapy since years. Yet I don't fit in anywhere, I feel traumatized, plugged into a different wave. It makes me want to run away from everything. I feel like I don't have what it takes inside of me, that I don't know how to find myself. What can I do?",1,afraid gon na abandon hurt people talk around sometimes feel place start daydream isolate afraid love someone afraid realize worthless abandon stay alone single hard time loving take place like going group often find group move without realizing someone left behind make sad different friend evolved time enjoyable group therapy since year yet fit anywhere feel traumatized plugged different wave make want run away everything feel like take inside know find -"My spouse says they are a highly sensitive person based on some reading that they have done. They’re also a mental health professional so they may not be jumping to conclusions too soon. But I have some concerns. They have a lot of mood swings, low self esteem and self confidence. When they’re not working, they’re almost always doom scrolling on Instagram. They have no interest in outdoor activities. And they’re also easily affected by the issues of clients they see as a part of their job. I see all this and tell them that they may need to see a therapist themselves, because I had similar symptoms and got mental health help myself. But I’m almost always met with a snappy response saying that they’re just highly sensitive and don’t see the need for therapy. Thoughts anyone?",1,spouse say highly sensitive person based reading done also mental health professional may jumping conclusion soon concern lot mood swing low self esteem self confidence working almost always doom scrolling instagram interest outdoor activity also easily affected issue client see part job see tell may need see therapist similar symptom got mental health help almost always met snappy response saying highly sensitive see need therapy thought anyone -"I'm miserable most of the time but life is only bearable when I'm with my cat. But I don't think I'm her favourite person anymore, she stopped cuddling with me and never sleeps with me now. Instead, she spends most of her time with my brother and only comes to me when she needs food. It's been like this for a few months and it really hurts. I don't know what to do, I'm thinking of getting a dog when I eventually move out but that's so far from now.",1,miserable time life bearable cat think favourite person anymore stopped cuddling never sleep instead spends time brother come need food like month really hurt know thinking getting dog eventually move far -"so tired, i struggle to wake up in the morning because i dont want to. I want my life to be quicker yet its so slow. I wish things were genuinely better.",1,tired struggle wake morning dont want want life quicker yet slow wish thing genuinely better -"does anyone else feel like this? theres nothing in life that makes me think ""yeah i genuinely wanna be here"". ive attempted suicide before, and i dont think i necessarily wanna die. its just theres nothing about life that i like. i hate school, i hate working, i hate waking up, i hate getting out of bed, i hate having resposibilities. i hate everything that comes with living. i hate everything to do with society, money, etc. i have no motivation to get up and make a change. hell, i dont even want to at this point, i dont see why i should. nothing really satisfies me anymore too. im currently in the process of getting a therapist so maybe they'll help me figure out what i should do. but everything about life, i hate. if theres anyone else who feels like this, what are you doing to combat this feeling? is there anything i can do? im only 16, it feels wrong to feel like this at such a young age",1,anyone else feel like there nothing life make think yeah genuinely wan na ive attempted suicide dont think necessarily wan na die there nothing life like hate school hate working hate waking hate getting bed hate resposibilities hate everything come living hate everything society money etc motivation get make change hell dont even want point dont see nothing really satisfies anymore im currently process getting therapist maybe help figure everything life hate there anyone else feel like combat feeling anything im feel wrong feel like young age -"Somewhat a depression post but I feel as if I don’t know what my preference is, I like men and women but at the same time I’ve never felt that emotionally, just sexually, am I just a weirdo or is their a statement for it",1,somewhat depression post feel know preference like men woman time never felt emotionally sexually weirdo statement -"I’ve been getting worse and worse for over a decade. Every year has been worse than the last. The worse loss I could ever imagine, my father happened just a couple weeks ago. I have stopped working and given up on the few things that kept me going. My 25th is at the end of April and I don’t see myself making it to then at this point.",1,getting worse worse decade every year worse last worse loss could ever imagine father happened couple week ago stopped working given thing kept going th end april see making point -"My brain just doesn't work, I almost feel retarded with this costant ""foggy brain"" feeling that I have, my head is completely foggy, I can't even do simple tasks properly such as making the bed, drive ecc... I need to read a sentence multiple times before getting it now, everytime I try to do these things my brain just can't concentrate on the steps to do them and I end up feeling even more depressed, how is this possible? My executive function is fully impaired at this point. I've been dealing with this shit since two years at least and I'm just a shadow of what I used to be.",1,brain work almost feel retarded costant foggy brain feeling head completely foggy even simple task properly making bed drive ecc need read sentence multiple time getting everytime try thing brain concentrate step end feeling even depressed possible executive function fully impaired point dealing shit since two year least shadow used -"Why can’t people just accept i’m tired of living. I never asked be here. I just want a day to say my final goodbyes like what people do to elders, so why can’t I? Im happy with the memories I made but I don’t want to continue. I’m done.",1,people accept tired living never asked want day say final goodbye like people elder im happy memory made want continue done -"it still sucks. 38M that has a job that a lot of people wish they had. HR showed me that they received over 300 applications for my position. I moved to a new city for this job right before COVID took over. Can’t seem to make friends or meaningful connections with anyone in just over 2 years. I don’t really have hobbies and dread coming home to an empty house every night. I’ve always struggled with self-esteem and this crushing loneliness has me struggling yo get out of bed. Nobody calls or even sends me text messages. I have no one that cares about me. I’m already hiding so much, including my emotions, just desperately hoping someone I know reaches out to me. Life is hard, I get that. And I know it’s not easy for anyone, but so many people I know have it so much easier. Their constant smiles and laughter hurt, but I hurt even more pretending to smile and laugh with them. I’ve ended up losing the passion and drive I once had got my career and am truly lost. No friends. No family. No career. No future. FML",1,still suck job lot people wish hr showed received 00 application position moved new city job right covid took seem make friend meaningful connection anyone year really hobby dread coming home empty house every night always struggled self esteem crushing loneliness struggling yo get bed nobody call even sends text message one care already hiding much including emotion desperately hoping someone know reach life hard get know easy anyone many people know much easier constant smile laughter hurt hurt even pretending smile laugh ended losing passion drive got career truly lost friend family career future fml -"Like the title says I have no idea who I really am.. I question myself 24/7 and wonder if I am a good or bad person.. lately everything in my life has sucked and I just want it to be over w - -*This is not a “confession” btw I’m ok I won’t harm myself I just mean the disorders to go away* - -I need to go back to therapy and get on medication, maybe?",1,like title say idea really question wonder good bad person lately everything life sucked want w confession btw ok harm mean disorder go away need go back therapy get medication maybe -Have a brain tumor. Worst part is I have no one to help me or comfort me. Good news is I know that if I tell them I will make it worse. If they can’t handle the small stuff they can never handle this. I’m so alone. its not even going life threatening.,1,brain tumor worst part one help comfort good news know tell make worse handle small stuff never handle alone even going life threatening -"i have been going to therapy for roughly 7 years now, and i feel like it isn’t helping. i have 45 minute appointments bi-weekly, but i feel like the 45 minutes isn’t enough time. for me, it takes a bit more time each appointment to get ‘recomfortable’ with a therapist, if that makes sense. by the time i feel comfortable, we barely get into anything important and i leave feeling unsatisfied. i’ve seen multiple different therapists, and this is common with all of them. i feel like i might need to find a new provider who doesn’t follow this protocol, but this is a common practice in my area. does anyone have advice on how to break through the awkward part each time and get down to what i need help with? are there therapists out there who see people for more than 45min-1hr at a time?",1,going therapy roughly year feel like helping minute appointment bi weekly feel like minute enough time take bit time appointment get recomfortable therapist make sense time feel comfortable barely get anything important leave feeling unsatisfied seen multiple different therapist common feel like might need find new provider follow protocol common practice area anyone advice break awkward part time get need help therapist see people min hr time -"Hi, I'm 15. Intense uncomfort in social settings, worsening hygiene (teeth), PRETTY bad body pain from not eating properly anymore (like almost fainting from the stairs), my body is really weak feeling too and like these fucking muscle twitching and joint pain, no motivation, just wanting to lay down, fucked sleep, and loneliness is making school suffocating. - -I think body pain is the worst, but even if i actually go to the doctor she'll just fucking tell me to eat better which I know that's the issue.. I'm prob not going to do :| I'm in charge of my meals and om mazy so I've been eating frozen* -I just lay down everyday after coming home, usually nap. -Like usually my body feels like it's breaking down while I'm there. - -I always feel like crying at school which is fine, but I have to keep dealing w this by myself is hard. I'm not realistically going whine about this to anyone. I can't open up, I tried to speak to the counselor but I only mentioned not eating properly so she just told me to eat and join a study group. People don't like me generally, esp adults so it's kinda no use fot me. I have definitely thought about dying or getting beat up, I prob won't, but I'm a bit stupid and hopeless at this point so. -My weekends I just lay in bed all day. Literally that's it. - My single parent father doesn't value things like this. It's just financial, if I get hurt it's generally a burden which I'm used to. I just need to get my shit together.",1,hi intense uncomfort social setting worsening hygiene teeth pretty bad body pain eating properly anymore like almost fainting stair body really weak feeling like fucking muscle twitching joint pain motivation wanting lay fucked sleep loneliness making school suffocating think body pain worst even actually go doctor fucking tell eat better know issue prob going charge meal om mazy eating frozen lay everyday coming home usually nap like usually body feel like breaking always feel like cry school fine keep dealing w hard realistically going whine anyone open tried speak counselor mentioned eating properly told eat join study group people like generally esp adult kinda use fot definitely thought dying getting beat prob bit stupid hopeless point weekend lay bed day literally single parent father value thing like financial get hurt generally burden used need get shit together -"My “friends” that understand what i’ve been through and know how much i’ve struggled and how far i’ve come always find a way to kick me down. i’m always the second option i’m always the one they come to for help. when i sit in my room and rot when i show signs of being in a horrible state they just ignore me. they tell me i have attitude problems they treat me like i want to be this way, yet they always say they’re there for me always. they lie with no remorse. they ignore me when i’m in need genuine help. they only do what makes them comfortable and what makes them feel good. i always stick my neck out for them and i never get anything in return i tell them i want to hang out and they just lie. they lie and lie and lie. i call them out and then they ignore me and they wonder why i want to kill myself",1,friend understand know much struggled far come always find way kick always second option always one come help sit room rot show sign horrible state ignore tell attitude problem treat like want way yet always say always lie remorse ignore need genuine help make comfortable make feel good always stick neck never get anything return tell want hang lie lie lie lie call ignore wonder want kill -"Recently went through a breakup, so that’s adding to this feeling - but does anyone else feel like they are simply just living day to day for the sake of it without direction? Yes I have goals etc., but in the past when I’ve reached goals nothing has made me feel different. Anyone else feel aimless all the time? I also used to be able to see where I wanted to be in 3 or 5 years. Now I can’t even imagine what life will be like in 3 to 6 months. Can anyone relate?",1,recently went breakup adding feeling anyone else feel like simply living day day sake without direction yes goal etc past reached goal nothing made feel different anyone else feel aimless time also used able see wanted year even imagine life like month anyone relate -"I feel as if life is winning. I simply dont want to be here anymore. I cant tell if im loved by my parents because it certainly doesnt feel like it. I feel like they just use me as a maid and thats just how ive been taught since i was younger so theres not and reason to think that im unable to. Every week feels the same. Monday-friday is homework with study groups and im struggling in classes because i cant remember shit. Its not that i dont pay attention in class its that i am mentally unable to rememebr shit. I know back in high school i never had the problem. Then two years of covid hit and now im aa dumb as rocks in a engineering major. Ive wanted to switch so many times every semester but each time someone talks me out of it. Ive told my parents twoce already but they insist that i finish school before trying to learn other things. I cant tell if my girlfriend loves me anymore after the argument we had a week or two ago about me playing clash of clans and not giving her attention even though i feel like im doing everything i can to give her attention. I cant sleep anymore and i just find myself staying up late and repeating the cycle. Its not like im not trying to better myself either. I go to the gym with my friend at school and ive been doing it for 3 weeks now. I just thought it would help me get into the right mindset and help me focus more on school and maybe bring me out of this 2 year depressive episode ive been in since covid started but nothing ive done works. Now im afraid that i have been pushing my gf, and my close friends away and i just want to end it all. I just want to jump off a bridge into oncoming traffic where i will have no chance of recovering. I just want to go so badly but i cant. Im trapped. Not by others, but by myself. Crying doesnt make me less of a man right?",1,feel life winning simply dont want anymore cant tell im loved parent certainly doesnt feel like feel like use maid thats ive taught since younger there reason think im unable every week feel monday friday homework study group im struggling class cant remember shit dont pay attention class mentally unable rememebr shit know back high school never problem two year covid hit im aa dumb rock engineering major ive wanted switch many time every semester time someone talk ive told parent twoce already insist finish school trying learn thing cant tell girlfriend love anymore argument week two ago playing clash clan giving attention even though feel like im everything give attention cant sleep anymore find staying late repeating cycle like im trying better either go gym friend school ive week thought would help get right mindset help focus school maybe bring year depressive episode ive since covid started nothing ive done work im afraid pushing gf close friend away want end want jump bridge oncoming traffic chance recovering want go badly cant im trapped others cry doesnt make le man right -"Anyone else just done? I'm at a point in life where nothing is going bad and I understand I'm blessed to be in such position. But at the same time nothings going good. My friend groups have dissipated, I rarely hang out with people, everyday is just a repeat of the last. What do I do, it's getting lonely.😔",1,anyone else done point life nothing going bad understand blessed position time nothing going good friend group dissipated rarely hang people everyday repeat last getting lonely -I think my friend is depressed he isn’t the same and he’s going through a lot his girlfriend cheated and he recently found out he is adopted and I want to know how to help him,1,think friend depressed going lot girlfriend cheated recently found adopted want know help -"Whenever I’m about to fall down in the dumps I start having a very very intense feeling of disgust. Everyone and everything feels gross to me. I start hating my mother’s laugh and voice, I hate every smell, I start hating myself even more. I feel gross when I look at the mirror, I want to hide and I wish I were dead. -Everything feels bigger and more detailed. I start eating like a pig and feel horrible. -Has someone felt this way? Do you know how to snap out of it? It’s better when I’m just tired of everything, not grossed out. -I’m tired of this stuff",1,whenever fall dump start intense feeling disgust everyone everything feel gross start hating mother laugh voice hate every smell start hating even feel gross look mirror want hide wish dead everything feel bigger detailed start eating like pig feel horrible someone felt way know snap better tired everything grossed tired stuff -"I don't want to die. I just want to not be here anymore. Every time I've tried to explain this to someone they can't seem to understand. - -I just want stop feeling this way",1,want die want anymore every time tried explain someone seem understand want stop feeling way -"I'm sincerely done with this living. My savings has finally dried up. I will soon lose my home, my car, and am unable to find work regardless. I'm just...done. I've grown so tired of being tired.",1,sincerely done living saving finally dried soon lose home car unable find work regardless done grown tired tired -"It's 12 in the morning, working Tuesday. But except me everybody else is working. I am here glued to the bed, feeling extremely disoriented. The room is a mess. Have no appetite. My plants needs care. Important work needs to finish. I don't know. Somebody like found the switch and turned off my life.",1,morning working tuesday except everybody else working glued bed feeling extremely disoriented room mess appetite plant need care important work need finish know somebody like found switch turned life -I’ve been struggling with depression since I was younger I was bullied until graduated. I went off to college and managed to make a couple friends and even a girlfriend. Then I tried to weed which was the turning point of my life . I was a habitual smoker and I smoked all through the day and night me and my girlfriend. I quit my job flunked college and on top of that my girlfriend went ghost on me . I found out she was pregnant with twins through a mutual friend. I was so hurt because I’ve been nothing but good too her. I’d give her my last when I have nothing myself . They hurt me so much I begin eating and I gained so much weight my confidence is at a all time low. I lost hope in life I broke no love life no friends and misunderstood by everyone. I’m alone and lost in life,1,struggling depression since younger bullied graduated went college managed make couple friend even girlfriend tried weed turning point life habitual smoker smoked day night girlfriend quit job flunked college top girlfriend went ghost found pregnant twin mutual friend hurt nothing good give last nothing hurt much begin eating gained much weight confidence time low lost hope life broke love life friend misunderstood everyone alone lost life -"I’m an adult (24)…but I want to escape my family completely. I don’t know where to start. -I’ve told my therapist that I hate my family and stuff, he replied with: - -“Well they are really wealthy, maybe you should continue being provided since you have your NEEDS to be met with.” - -I highly believe he’s saying because of my mental issues. I’m diagnosed with PTSD, ED, PSYCHOSIS, MDD (Major/Clinical Depressive Disorder), SATIETY, etc. - -But I don’t think it’s that serious because I can stabilize myself, I have okay coping mechanisms. It feels like my therapist doesn’t think I can stand on my feet by myself without my family. - -I live with my family but I bought a house with their money and my money from work. -Yes I did tell my family I wanted to leave but they said, “Okay but first give us our 700 thousand back”. They helped me buy a house and now because of a fight, they want me to stay home and own up to my MISTAKES. Ridiculous thing is that they offered to pay and said I didn’t need to pay them back, now they’re blackmailing me. - -I told them I would because I have good bank, I’m a banker for a reason. They then said something like, “You have no right to be saying that, a banker is nothing respected,” blah blah blah, they went on about how I should’ve continued the line in our family of becoming engineers or surgeons. - -The hardest part isn’t even dealing their expectations of me, it’s the fact some of my family members (especially my older brother and mom) are narcissists! - -Some of you are probably thinking, “well why don’t you just move into your home and ignore them?”. - -If I move into my home, they said they will have the higher ups of my job fire me. I don’t know what my parents want from me, I’m just stressed and going crazy because of their existence. - -I know I can legally cut my parents off but don’t know where to start. Do I have to make a call first? Anyone have info? I’d greatly appreciate it. I’ve dealt with my parents from teen years to now, but I’ve had enough of it. I thought I’d be free from their grasps once I become an adult but I’m still stuck. And I hate myself for having mental issues, it’s bothersome.",1,adult want escape family completely know start told therapist hate family stuff replied well really wealthy maybe continue provided since need met highly believe saying mental issue diagnosed ptsd ed psychosis mdd major clinical depressive disorder satiety etc think serious stabilize okay coping mechanism feel like therapist think stand foot without family live family bought house money money work yes tell family wanted leave said okay first give u 00 thousand back helped buy house fight want stay home mistake ridiculous thing offered pay said need pay back blackmailing told would good bank banker reason said something like right saying banker nothing respected blah blah blah went continued line family becoming engineer surgeon hardest part even dealing expectation fact family member especially older brother mom narcissist probably thinking well move home ignore move home said higher ups job fire know parent want stressed going crazy existence know legally cut parent know start make call first anyone info greatly appreciate dealt parent teen year enough thought free grasp become adult still stuck hate mental issue bothersome -I need to talk to a professional but I can’t bring myself to trust they won’t just throw bullshit meds at me until I’m numb and addicted. I just need to talk and explain why my brain does what it does and how I can navigate around pills for a solution. Someone with more insight than a prescription pad,1,need talk professional bring trust throw bullshit med numb addicted need talk explain brain navigate around pill solution someone insight prescription pad -"I (F18) met my girlfriend on a game called Genshin Impact. She is amazing, really kind to me, and is the first person who has made me feel loved in a really long time. The problem is that I still deal with suicidal thoughts, worse now than any point before in my life, and what hurts all the more is that I don't want to disappear from her. - -I quite frequently find myself crying because of the thought of her losing me. I've felt incredibly lonely for most of my life that I can remember. I used to feel like nobody would miss me if I died. Now I know there's someone who would really miss me, and it hurts a lot. - -I don't want to talk to her about this, mainly because I feel like my bad mental health already affects her too much, and I really don't like making her upset. I was on the verge of getting to therapy but then money troubles hit my family. I feel hopeless and I wish I didn't meet her so I could just end it without feeling terrible.",1,f met girlfriend game called genshin impact amazing really kind first person made feel loved really long time problem still deal suicidal thought worse point life hurt want disappear quite frequently find cry thought losing felt incredibly lonely life remember used feel like nobody would miss died know someone would really miss hurt lot want talk mainly feel like bad mental health already affect much really like making upset verge getting therapy money trouble hit family feel hopeless wish meet could end without feeling terrible -"Everyday of my life is hell, I’m forced into this religious cult.My parents pick my friends from the religion, I’m depressed feel like dying daily, I have anxiety. My parents don’t even check up on me like parents are supposed to do. I don’t have many people I can talk to and let my feelings out so sometimes I come here and rant my frustration out. I’m turning 18 on may 28th so I’m gonna get a job and move out and live my life but my mom isn’t helping me she tells me I’m gonna be a prostitute get hooked on drugs and end up homeless and y crazy which I’m not and she’s making me feel bad. I’m a good child I have straight a’s shockingly, I do everything she asks me too i don’t know what else she wants from me. I have so much stress on me from her and I can’t take it anymore",1,everyday life hell forced religious cult parent pick friend religion depressed feel like dying daily anxiety parent even check like parent supposed many people talk let feeling sometimes come rant frustration turning may th gon na get job move live life mom helping tell gon na prostitute get hooked drug end homeless crazy making feel bad good child straight shockingly everything asks know else want much stress take anymore -"I'm a 17-year-old man, ever since the covid started, I feel like that is something off about me. I feel like I don't want to do anything and lay down on the bed all day and consistently skip the meal. I can get pretty emotional sometimes, as a man, I obviously can't show my emotions to anyone or even my parent as a sign of showing weakness. So, I want to know does anyone feel the same way as me, or I'm just a pussy?",1,year old man ever since covid started feel like something feel like want anything lay bed day consistently skip meal get pretty emotional sometimes man obviously show emotion anyone even parent sign showing weakness want know anyone feel way pussy -"For a bit of context, I was born into a dysfunctional family, a drug addict, alcoholic and abusive father. My mother only finished high school, but even so she left that place because she didn't want us to go through all that violence, as my mother has no studies she had to work in several places and all day to be able to support us, so she got a person who didn't live far from our house to take care of us while she was away, there I was abused by the person who took care of us, but I never said anything. Some time later my mum took us to my aunt, who had to be paid to look after me, she had two cousins there and all the time they were bothering me, insulting me and I couldn't do anything because I was 5 years old and they were almost 18. I saw how they fought with each other all the time and one day they almost killed each other, one of them had blood all over his face and went to the kitchen to get a knife but luckily my aunt arrived and separated them. Also at some point where my aunt was supposed to take care of me but I ended up in an orphanage, I had never felt so abandoned, so forgotten and alone. After a while my mother took me out of there, I hated that place with all my heart, the people there were rude all the time, they made the other children cry and they never cared. I kept going with my aunt because my mum didn't have anyone else, unfortunately my aunt never cared and left me with my dad, I don't remember how things happened but my dad and I were in the same shower and what you all know happened. I never told anyone, only that I couldn't get close to people anymore, because everyone somehow ends up hurting you, I was a pretty lonely and very shy child. And that's how my childhood went on, I was bullied at school, but I never cared and I kept going, I was the first place at school, I practiced swimming and even competed. My mum met another man and from that moment on we can consider him as my real dad, he gave us everything, he accepted children who were not his, although he was never affectionate with me I still love him. We moved to another city and where I am living I went to secondary school and that is when I stopped being the shy boy, I became a much more aggressive person, nobody bothered me anymore and I had friends, but I still felt empty, I continued to be the first place, I joined the scouts and I also made nice friends, but I continued to feel empty. I got into high school and also made a lot of friends but I never felt satisfied. I did kung fu and competed and got third place in a tournament but I was never really happy. The pandemic came and I spent two years locked up at home. I didn't go out much with my friends, but I went on with my life. A year ago I went to university and I met more people and as there are no longer restrictions, I have gone out a lot with them, but it is as if I could no longer hide my unhappiness, going out with them I realised that I don't feel part of, I don't feel part of my family either, I started wrestling training and I only feel physical tiredness and I forget about my problems for the time that the practice lasts. A few days ago I got my first place award from the university but I didn't feel anything, neither happiness nor sadness, absolutely nothing. And now that I think about it, it's like I've always been dead, all my life I've felt like that.",1,bit context born dysfunctional family drug addict alcoholic abusive father mother finished high school even left place want u go violence mother study work several place day able support u got person live far house take care u away abused person took care u never said anything time later mum took u aunt paid look two cousin time bothering insulting anything year old almost saw fought time one day almost killed one blood face went kitchen get knife luckily aunt arrived separated also point aunt supposed take care ended orphanage never felt abandoned forgotten alone mother took hated place heart people rude time made child cry never cared kept going aunt mum anyone else unfortunately aunt never cared left dad remember thing happened dad shower know happened never told anyone get close people anymore everyone somehow end hurting pretty lonely shy child childhood went bullied school never cared kept going first place school practiced swimming even competed mum met another man moment consider real dad gave u everything accepted child although never affectionate still love moved another city living went secondary school stopped shy boy became much aggressive person nobody bothered anymore friend still felt empty continued first place joined scout also made nice friend continued feel empty got high school also made lot friend never felt satisfied kung fu competed got third place tournament never really happy pandemic came spent two year locked home go much friend went life year ago went university met people longer restriction gone lot could longer hide unhappiness going realised feel part feel part family either started wrestling training feel physical tiredness forget problem time practice last day ago got first place award university feel anything neither happiness sadness absolutely nothing think like always dead life felt like -"Writing I made when i was really unhinged and on the brink. I’m okay now, but just thought i’d share because i feel like it’s okay writing. (NO instructions or specifics included, it’s mostly poetic and broad). - -I think i’m going to go for a drive. A nice long drive. Not to clear my head, but to say goodbye. Say goodbye to that lovely wind that touches my face, as I push my hand out through the window and dance with the gust as it glides and surfs through the earths breath. Say goodbye to the random song i used to love that turns on on the radio that i had forgotten from a time of pure bliss. goodbye to the really pretty white clouds that are shaped so smoothly as it contrasts the bright blue. Say goodbye to the nice feeling i get in my body as a smile slowly creeps in my face. By this time I plan to have my notes already written out, all sitting neatly folded in my pocket. This is no time for emotional anguish, or the opening of floodgates of all distraught. That’s already been done with the ink that lies on those papers. All my pain, all my misery, they’re all tucked away in my pocket. Gone from my body, my legs, my face, my eyes, my throat, my breath. I feel… free. Free of chains that brought my neck so bent over the grounds that feel so grey. Free from all things holy and unholy. A sort of satisfaction, for a coward dies a thousand deaths, and i am no longer scared. I’m going to (redacted) park. To hike one last time. To say goodbye to that long river that flows across the center, to the tall trees that shaded enough sun to keep you warm, yet comfortable. I think I will do it there. Somewhere i’ve never felt any sadness. It’s been many years of pain, so maybe the last thing i’ll do on this earth, is smile.",1,writing made really unhinged brink okay thought share feel like okay writing instruction specific included mostly poetic broad think going go drive nice long drive clear head say goodbye say goodbye lovely wind touch face push hand window dance gust glide surf earth breath say goodbye random song used love turn radio forgotten time pure bliss goodbye really pretty white cloud shaped smoothly contrast bright blue say goodbye nice feeling get body smile slowly creep face time plan note already written sitting neatly folded pocket time emotional anguish opening floodgate distraught already done ink lie paper pain misery tucked away pocket gone body leg face eye throat breath feel free free chain brought neck bent ground feel grey free thing holy unholy sort satisfaction coward dy thousand death longer scared going redacted park hike one last time say goodbye long river flow across center tall tree shaded enough sun keep warm yet comfortable think somewhere never felt sadness many year pain maybe last thing earth smile -"My family only cares when im manic, but im just quiet they act like nothing ever happened, idk if i want them to care or is me just wanting attention, but im really tired of living for them…",1,family care im manic im quiet act like nothing ever happened idk want care wanting attention im really tired living -"Maybe not just empty, but part of me is absolutely devastated, and the other part of me is aware that it's for the best. and the rest of me is split between hate and love. - -My emotions are so disconnected like mismatched puzzle pieces. Nothing feels right. Not just because I'm seeing a puzzle, but because some pieces are from another, making it impossible to solve. - -Internally, I want to go back and be babied by him and feel helpless in a good way, but has that ever happened? No. It was an illusion. He doesn't actually love me. He never did. All that talk of soulmates and staying into the end, I don't know if I should even believed it or not. I haven't believed in soulmates for years and this might be another reason why. All because he said ""I love you"" was I even loved?",1,maybe empty part absolutely devastated part aware best rest split hate love emotion disconnected like mismatched puzzle piece nothing feel right seeing puzzle piece another making impossible solve internally want go back babied feel helpless good way ever happened illusion actually love never talk soulmates staying end know even believed believed soulmates year might another reason said love even loved -"so i'm 25f and i finished college right when the pandemic hit march 2020 so my internship got cancelled and i ended up getting no experience in my field. i work in fast food and decided to wait a bit before job hunting cause the pandemic made everything crazy and i felt safe where i was. i also was considering going back to school cause i was uncertain if i wanted to stick with my degree but i've decided i'll only go back if i find something i know i'll be passionate about and i haven't - -fast forward to 2 years later and i've hit my limit and started to seriously job hunt because i can't stand working in fast food anymore :( my parents treat me like i'm a loser for still working there and tell me i need to get my life together and make it clear they want me to move out in a few years - -they don't need to treat me like that at all because trust me i HATE my job it makes me so miserable and my depression has been so bad this winter because of it i've felt like life isn't worth living and i have this horrible fantasy of getting into a car crash etc just so i don't have to work - -i apply to jobs day after day but never even get any interviews and i'm trying to be patient but none of these jobs want to hire someone with 0 experience in the field and it's so unfair how am i ever supposed to start and get experience when they all want someone with 2+ years - -i was so close to quitting my job this weekend cause i've hit my limit with how understaffed we always are and how rude customers and managers are but i can't afford it so i either have to stay patient and suffer through my current job or maybe leave it for something else while i still continue to look for a office job but i feel like any retail job would be just as bad so i don't know what to do - -this job is sucking the life out of me and i feel so burnt out every single day when i get home i never have energy to game much which is my biggest hobby and i feel so negatively about myself for still working there at my age and my parents make me feel so much worse with their rude comments - -i'm just feeling really discouraged and mad at myself for only starting to look for a new job now but i can't go back and change the past and i know job hunting can take awhile and persistence but it's just so hard when you work a really toxic job and want to leave so badly but can't cause you need the money so you feel trapped - -if i had the money tbh i would go back to college cause i LOVED college i loved how i felt like i was open to so many possibilities and loved how it felt like i was learning new things everyday and now i feel so trapped and suffocated but it's too late and i need to stick with the degree i got",1,f finished college right pandemic hit march 0 0 internship got cancelled ended getting experience field work fast food decided wait bit job hunting cause pandemic made everything crazy felt safe also considering going back school cause uncertain wanted stick degree decided go back find something know passionate fast forward year later hit limit started seriously job hunt stand working fast food anymore parent treat like loser still working tell need get life together make clear want move year need treat like trust hate job make miserable depression bad winter felt like life worth living horrible fantasy getting car crash etc work apply job day day never even get interview trying patient none job want hire someone 0 experience field unfair ever supposed start get experience want someone year close quitting job weekend cause hit limit understaffed always rude customer manager afford either stay patient suffer current job maybe leave something else still continue look office job feel like retail job would bad know job sucking life feel burnt every single day get home never energy game much biggest hobby feel negatively still working age parent make feel much worse rude comment feeling really discouraged mad starting look new job go back change past know job hunting take awhile persistence hard work really toxic job want leave badly cause need money feel trapped money tbh would go back college cause loved college loved felt like open many possibility loved felt like learning new thing everyday feel trapped suffocated late need stick degree got -Would like to know. I’ve been considering inpatient treatment recently and this is one of my biggest fears as losing my license could drastically complicate my life and make my issues worse in the long term,1,would like know considering inpatient treatment recently one biggest fear losing license could drastically complicate life make issue worse long term -"I feel rlly bad rn, I wanna cry but I can't I wish I could cry but I feel so numb and distant like a robot. All I can Really do is lie down while a few drops fall from my eyes. I wish I could cry my heart out and let it all out. Im so tired, I hate myself so much.",1,feel rlly bad rn wan na cry wish could cry feel numb distant like robot really lie drop fall eye wish could cry heart let im tired hate much -" Hello thank you for reading my post and any advice would be appreciated. So I’m a 19-year-old guy from Southern California, I dated my ex for about 8 months and it was a relationship plagued with many issues. She cheated on me at the beginning of the relationship and I later found out stayed with her and then cheated on her. It was this weird situation because we both wronged each other so we saw it as we’re equal let’s try to make this work. Though our relationship could be considered rocky at best I still loved her very much and I had never felt such strong emotions for someone like that before. She was my first real girlfriend, she introduced me to her family and vice versa, we went on vacations with each other, we went to punk shows and enjoyed music because we had a similar taste in music. Around December she caught me flirting with girls on my phone and I guess you can say she “ended the relationship” but everything was still the same, we would see each other regularly, have sex pretty regularly, go out and do things with one other, and talk all the time like we did. It was almost as like we never even broke but she said the relationship was over but if I prove to her that I would make a change that we would get back together. At first, I was super apologetic and begged her for forgiveness but I soon realized that everything was still the same minus the fact that we technically aren’t in a relationship anymore. I did a lot of souls searching and talking to those around me who told me it was for the best that we didn’t date anymore so I started talking to other girls. Around this time I meet my guitar teacher and started playing the guitar(I’ve been playing for about 3 months now) it’s something that makes me very happy and I enjoy doing it. Like I mentioned earlier with my ex everything felt the same except we technically weren’t in a relationship but she would still say she loves and cares about me. In December I was still trying to get her forgiveness, she bought me these sick computer speakers. I bought her this ring with our names engraved on it but she didn’t really seem to like it and even left it at my house and never took it. Even though that’s what she was begging me to buy for her. At one point I told her that it bothered me that she completely just tossed away the ring and her response is why would I wear a promise ring when I’ve broken the promise I didn’t have a rebuttal to it so I dropped the subject. January rolled around and the idea of trying to gain her favor back and “earning” our relationship back grew to disdain. We both were on bumble/tinder, talking to other people flirting, but we still would be in this weird situation where we were in this “relationship” saying I love you to each other. So like I mentioned earlier I had downloaded dating apps and met/flirted with some girls. And she was doing the same thing but I told her that I’m growing tired of this weird thing and that I want to be back with her and try to make things work and she was kinda blowing it off. I deleted all the dating apps I wasn’t meeting flirting with any girls and I didn’t do anything with anyone besides her this whole time. So fast forward to my birthday on February 1st and she bought tickets for us to go to knots berry farm(amusement park here in SoCal) we had a good time and we ended up having sex later that night. During this whole weird period, we were having sex pretty consistently. My birthday ended up being the last time we saw each for a while because. My best friends said that they saw her on bumble/tinder. I made new accounts and I saw her. She swiped right on me both times. And it set me off because I kept telling her I wanted to be with her and wanted to start over and she said wanted to as well but wanted to make sure but wanted wait and that she loved me and only wanted to be with me would always say she can’t imagine being with anyone but me. So seeing her on these apps, even though we told each other we weren’t going to be on them anymore. So I sent her this long message telling her how I felt about her, our relationship, and the whole tinder/bumble situation and that I was through with her. Then it was almost as she flipped the script and that she was the one begging me to get back with each other and she pulled her whole I love you I can’t imagine being with one else but you blah blah. But I was done and was ready to emotionally move which I feel like for the most part I have. So I completely stopped talking to her, many of my close friends helped me out a lot, especially my best friend. I felt sorta free in a way and I was trying my best to move on. I met other girls and had hookups with a lot of them. I mean last week I had sex with two different girls in one night on Friday. But every time I feel like happy at first after but then shortly after I go back to this feeling of emptiness that I have been feeling. I and my family had a trip planned out to give a visit to our family in El Salvador and we went it was only for a week but it was the happiest I had been in so long as soon as I came back that feeling of emptiness came back full force. a couple of weeks after I came back me and my friends decided we wanted to try shrooms, it was a whole ordeal to get them but we somehow got them. We had it all planned out but it kinda fell through me and my best friend ended up taking the. I, unfortunately, had a bad trip at first the trip went super well but I took about 7 grams and it was my first time and I started telling my friend I was depressed, then it turned into I'm planning on committing suicide when I'm older. But something came upon me and I was telling him I wanted to kill myself right then and there, and I tried to kill myself but my friend stopped me. I have been pretty traumatized since that night and I have been thinking about it so much. During the time I was in El Salvador, my ex made a tik tok about me saying I was a terrible person and that I treated her horrible and that she was the victim of the relationship and it got like 12,000 views. She also posted a video on her Instagram story of some random licking her face and her kissing him after. So I wanted nothing to do with her anymore but after my bad trip, I felt emotionally vulnerable. And I texted her back and I told her what I went through and we started texting again. She told me that she wanted to see me again and I wasn't there emotionally, she came over and we ended up having sex and we've done this twice now. I just feel like I have gone through so much these last 3 months and it has been so much to handle. After I took the shrooms I felt like I needed to better my actions and I planning on going back to school I have stopped smoking weed and drinking(I never did it often but I want to completely stop). I'm growing tired of this constant feeling of emptiness I feel every day of my life, and I feel like I haven't been trying to move my life forward and I keep going back to the same place I keep telling myself I want to move from. I don't know if it's depression or what but I'm tired of the way I feel. Sometimes when I think about my bad trip I just chalk it up to me being high but other times I feel like that deep down I actually want to and that the shrooms just made me realize. I love and appreciate my best friend, my other friends, and my family because they provide me with amazing support but these feelings still linger and I'm growing tired of it. The thing that has been providing me with happiness is playing guitar and it's been my escape. I would appreciate someone to talk to, maybe I need someone fresh perspective.",1,hello thank reading post advice would appreciated 9 year old guy southern california dated ex month relationship plagued many issue cheated beginning relationship later found stayed cheated weird situation wronged saw equal let try make work though relationship could considered rocky best still loved much never felt strong emotion someone like first real girlfriend introduced family vice versa went vacation went punk show enjoyed music similar taste music around december caught flirting girl phone guess say ended relationship everything still would see regularly sex pretty regularly go thing one talk time like almost like never even broke said relationship prove would make change would get back together first super apologetic begged forgiveness soon realized everything still minus fact technically relationship anymore lot soul searching talking around told best date anymore started talking girl around time meet guitar teacher started playing guitar playing month something make happy enjoy like mentioned earlier ex everything felt except technically relationship would still say love care december still trying get forgiveness bought sick computer speaker bought ring name engraved really seem like even left house never took even though begging buy one point told bothered completely tossed away ring response would wear promise ring broken promise rebuttal dropped subject january rolled around idea trying gain favor back earning relationship back grew disdain bumble tinder talking people flirting still would weird situation relationship saying love like mentioned earlier downloaded dating apps met flirted girl thing told growing tired weird thing want back try make thing work kinda blowing deleted dating apps meeting flirting girl anything anyone besides whole time fast forward birthday february st bought ticket u go knot berry farm amusement park socal good time ended sex later night whole weird period sex pretty consistently birthday ended last time saw best friend said saw bumble tinder made new account saw swiped right time set kept telling wanted wanted start said wanted well wanted make sure wanted wait loved wanted would always say imagine anyone seeing apps even though told going anymore sent long message telling felt relationship whole tinder bumble situation almost flipped script one begging get back pulled whole love imagine one else blah blah done ready emotionally move feel like part completely stopped talking many close friend helped lot especially best friend felt sorta free way trying best move met girl hookup lot mean last week sex two different girl one night friday every time feel like happy first shortly go back feeling emptiness feeling family trip planned give visit family el salvador went week happiest long soon came back feeling emptiness came back full force couple week came back friend decided wanted try shrooms whole ordeal get somehow got planned kinda fell best friend ended taking unfortunately bad trip first trip went super well took gram first time started telling friend depressed turned planning committing suicide older something came upon telling wanted kill right tried kill friend stopped pretty traumatized since night thinking much time el salvador ex made tik tok saying terrible person treated horrible victim relationship got like 000 view also posted video instagram story random licking face kissing wanted nothing anymore bad trip felt emotionally vulnerable texted back told went started texting told wanted see emotionally came ended sex done twice feel like gone much last month much handle took shrooms felt like needed better action planning going back school stopped smoking weed drinking never often want completely stop growing tired constant feeling emptiness feel every day life feel like trying move life forward keep going back place keep telling want move know depression tired way feel sometimes think bad trip chalk high time feel like deep actually want shrooms made realize love appreciate best friend friend family provide amazing support feeling still linger growing tired thing providing happiness playing guitar escape would appreciate someone talk maybe need someone fresh perspective -"I don’t feel like trying to make things better. In fact, I never did. I just accepted it as a part of life. It may be because I’ve never been that much of a person that works hard. I’m just lazy in general. I like to take things easy. If you’re lazy, apathetic and unmotivated, there’s pretty much no chance of overcoming depression.",1,feel like trying make thing better fact never accepted part life may never much person work hard lazy general like take thing easy lazy apathetic unmotivated pretty much chance overcoming depression -"&#x200B; - -So... I'm in my thirties, i'm about to finish my phd in one of the world's best university, and this morning I felt fine. I usually revert to writing in here as a way of emptying my soul and feeling better. Usually it works, and it has taken me from the deepest pits of my depression to a milder state of mind. Not to a happy place, mind you, but to a lower-scale bout of depression. - -I come from a rocky couple of years: I have discovered that my old supervisor had tricked an exam against me to have me fail and kicked out of the Uni (Check my older posts for this story, also involving the examiner, the full-professor who deemed me ""too ugly, fat, and stupid for a PhD"", full quote). I have found support in the wider academic world, with a world-renown name offering me a job first, and then agreeing to supervise me if I had not taken it. I have ""sued"" the University (kind of, it was a process internal to the university, but I had to hire a lawyer). I have won a crushing win against the faculty (""I have never seen a similar humiliation for a faculty and an examiner"", said a friend and former ""judge""). I have repeated the exam. I have passed the exam. - -I am now a month from submission. My new supervisor and my friend/unofficial supervisor have just promoted my dissertation with flying colors, so I basically need to write a conclusion of a couple of pages, cross the Ts, dot the Is, and hand in what has been 7.5 long years of my life (should have been 4/5, but these shenanigans robbed me of 3 full years of my life). - -I am however today back in the pit of the grad-school depression, as I am not sure it is finished. Remember the humiliated full-professor above? When I passed the exam one of the examiners was a friend of his, who basically did everything in his power to fail me. I passed because the OTHER examiner took my side in the shouting match. It was ugly as fuck, and basically told me that the humiliation of me winning in ""court"" could not pass without further actions. - -Now, I even though my dissertation is unassailable, I do not trust the university and I am fully expecting a final hack-job at the thesis defence. And against that I am powerless.",1,amp x 00b thirty finish phd one world best university morning felt fine usually revert writing way emptying soul feeling better usually work taken deepest pit depression milder state mind happy place mind lower scale bout depression come rocky couple year discovered old supervisor tricked exam fail kicked uni check older post story also involving examiner full professor deemed ugly fat stupid phd full quote found support wider academic world world renown name offering job first agreeing supervise taken sued university kind process internal university hire lawyer crushing win faculty never seen similar humiliation faculty examiner said friend former judge repeated exam passed exam month submission new supervisor friend unofficial supervisor promoted dissertation flying color basically need write conclusion couple page cross t dot hand long year life shenanigan robbed full year life however today back pit grad school depression sure finished remember humiliated full professor passed exam one examiner friend basically everything power fail passed examiner took side shouting match ugly fuck basically told humiliation winning court could pas without action even though dissertation unassailable trust university fully expecting final hack job thesis defence powerless -"I don’t feel any desire towards anything in life anymore. I see life as a pointless pursuit that has more pain than joy, it’s simply not worth it. If I’m playing a video game or watching a tv show and it’s not getting better, I simply want to turn it off. My passion, energy, love, motivation and empathy isn’t what it used to be and I feel trapped. I feel like cement when I wake up and lay there until the hunger drives me out of bed. I’m stuck in my head all day and feel dead to myself and this world. I can’t even hate myself anymore or bring myself to really do anything. I wish so many things in this life were different, but they never will be.",1,feel desire towards anything life anymore see life pointless pursuit pain joy simply worth playing video game watching tv show getting better simply want turn passion energy love motivation empathy used feel trapped feel like cement wake lay hunger drive bed stuck head day feel dead world even hate anymore bring really anything wish many thing life different never -"I feel very apathetic towards everything in my life. I just have no drive or ambition towards anything. Like I’m just living just because people tell me to live. I don’t want to be here in life or anywhere really. I just want to not exist. - -A good portion of what I’ve done in life is only for the approval of others. Now that I’m older the more i just stop caring about others. I know you all will probably suggest to maybe try other things now that you don’t care about other people’s opinions. Find things that actually enjoy. I did. I took a break from uni and decided to dive into arts and a bunch of hobbies. I found them to very meaningless. I don’t know how to explain it, but i felt like i was faking enjoying the things i did just to prove to myself that i am getting better and that i am like other people. I did them just to do them. - -I’m just depressed that my family had to be stuck with a daughter like me, because I’m nothing but lazy and careless. I don’t want to burden. It’d be so much easier for me if i could just die in my sleep so i can save myself from hurting my family by committing suicide. Not existing is the only choice i want.",1,feel apathetic towards everything life drive ambition towards anything like living people tell live want life anywhere really want exist good portion done life approval others older stop caring others know probably suggest maybe try thing care people opinion find thing actually enjoy took break uni decided dive art bunch hobby found meaningless know explain felt like faking enjoying thing prove getting better like people depressed family stuck daughter like nothing lazy careless want burden much easier could die sleep save hurting family committing suicide existing choice want -I hate life today. That’s it that’s the post.,1,hate life today post -"I wish my world would just end now. I don't want to keep going on. This shit called Life, is so sad and depressing. I just don't want to keep living",1,wish world would end want keep going shit called life sad depressing want keep living -My mom called me disgusting for my dirty room even though she knows I’m depressed. Am I disgusting? I try to clean but it just goes back to dirty. I’m disgusting and lazy.,1,mom called disgusting dirty room even though know depressed disgusting try clean go back dirty disgusting lazy -"I’m not joking…been having a pounding headache after a meltdown…why? -Actually I’m personally not surprised since I have like a laundry list of triggers, it’s just like, damn, really? I can’t even cry in peace? Depression is a BITCH. Weirder part is if you are cutting onions or even cry because something good happens, it doesn’t trigger a migraine or a tension headache, it’s just negative crying that does it..-_-",1,joking pounding headache meltdown actually personally surprised since like laundry list trigger like damn really even cry peace depression bitch weirder part cutting onion even cry something good happens trigger migraine tension headache negative cry -"i'm so fucking DONE with everything. what's the point of life. nothing i ever do will make a permanent impact. nothing ANYONE ever does will make a permanent impact. sure, you can be famous, you can discover something important, but what's the point? all we have are our silly little lives on our silly little planet and it's all going to be destroyed someday. nothing is going to last. even if we escape the expanding sun 7.6 billion years from now (if we still exist), even if we flee to another place in space, we're all just eventually going to die out. all information and evidence of our existence will die out. i could live any life i wanted, i could be rich and famous, painfully average, or i could waste away all my life, but it doesn't matter because no matter what i do nothing will ever be worth it. what's the point of trying if i'm just going to die. everyone always says ""well enjoy the moment! appreciate the little things!"" yeah no that's bullshit. why should i enjoy anything if i won't even remember it after i die. why should i do anything if nothing matters. sure i can enjoy the moment but what's the point? everything in the universe is going to die out some day, and then it will just keep expanding and it'll be dark and cold and NOTHINGNESS. why did we even exist in the first place. everything is so complicated. i never asked to live but sometimes i want to live after i die because there has to be something, ANYTHING other than this. i am so fucking desperate. i really hope there's something after i die but at the same time i hope there's nothing because i'm so tired of existing. there's no point in it. there's no point in anything and i can't enjoy life anymore because these thoughts keep coming up. what do i do?",1,fucking done everything point life nothing ever make permanent impact nothing anyone ever make permanent impact sure famous discover something important point silly little life silly little planet going destroyed someday nothing going last even escape expanding sun billion year still exist even flee another place space eventually going die information evidence existence die could live life wanted could rich famous painfully average could waste away life matter matter nothing ever worth point trying going die everyone always say well enjoy moment appreciate little thing yeah bullshit enjoy anything even remember die anything nothing matter sure enjoy moment point everything universe going die day keep expanding dark cold nothingness even exist first place everything complicated never asked live sometimes want live die something anything fucking desperate really hope something die time hope nothing tired existing point point anything enjoy life anymore thought keep coming -"I'm on anti depressants for 2 months now and they changed my life completely, like I went from a terrible suicidal wreck to a normal functioning human being. I had as good as no bad mood, some physical issues even went away and I definitely had a more positive outlook on life. I was lucky enough to even have almost no side affects, so I feel like my body works quite well with them. Around 2 weeks ago, I slowly started to get a little bit of bad feelings. Not too much or anything, I thought it's probably normal because no human feels good every single day but the more time went by the heavier the bad mood gots until this evening where I found myself in bed, hating the fact that I'm alive. It scares me because for the first time in my life, I've felt somewhat normal and okay with being alive and I don't wanna go back because I gotta do this for my family. Is it normal that it gets like this?",1,anti depressant month changed life completely like went terrible suicidal wreck normal functioning human good bad mood physical issue even went away definitely positive outlook life lucky enough even almost side affect feel like body work quite well around week ago slowly started get little bit bad feeling much anything thought probably normal human feel good every single day time went heavier bad mood gots evening found bed hating fact alive scare first time life felt somewhat normal okay alive wan na go back got ta family normal get like -"so long story short, I recently started to become what I think is depressed, thing is after the first few days of it being a bit tough I became to find it enjoyable to some extent. - -&#x200B; - -to put it simply it has let me achieve something I've been trying to achieve for a very long time, near zero emotion positive or negative, but this time it isn't from repressing my emotions. I also don't crave nearly as much social interaction as before and I give no shits, meaning I was able to get work done in classes I usual hate since I don't hate them anymore. - - -the main downsides to all this are increased tiredness, increased frustration, and low motivation. Low motivation and increased tiredness don't really bother me since I don't get homework and I don't have a job so it's not getting in the way of anything. The increased frustration however is a wee bit annoying since I seem to quit my games way more than usual making me lose progress. I also know I won't do anything suicidal cause that would violate 3 of my core logical values. - -&#x200B; - -all in all I rate this experience a 7/10. It would be an 8.5/10 if it weren't for the increased frustration.",1,long story short recently started become think depressed thing first day bit tough became find enjoyable extent amp x 00b put simply let achieve something trying achieve long time near zero emotion positive negative time repressing emotion also crave nearly much social interaction give shit meaning able get work done class usual hate since hate anymore main downside increased tiredness increased frustration low motivation low motivation increased tiredness really bother since get homework job getting way anything increased frustration however wee bit annoying since seem quit game way usual making lose progress also know anything suicidal cause would violate core logical value amp x 00b rate experience 0 would 0 increased frustration -"I always feel everyone dislikes me and laughs behind my back. My own friends I feel even hate me secretly. Am I just paranoid or could there be something to this? In my past most people have hated me on sight as well, so I’m confused. Is this just from being depressed for too long? I also feel like a burden on my partner and friends just by being around or even saying one word. I feel I waste my partners time completely along with friends time. My friends friends actually leave calls whenever I show up as well, so it’s a sign of something. I often times honestly feel it would be easier on those around me if I passed away, due to the hatred I feel. If everyone hates me so much why am I still around?",1,always feel everyone dislike laugh behind back friend feel even hate secretly paranoid could something past people hated sight well confused depressed long also feel like burden partner friend around even saying one word feel waste partner time completely along friend time friend friend actually leave call whenever show well sign something often time honestly feel would easier around passed away due hatred feel everyone hate much still around -…,1, -"The only reason i havent killed myself is because i know I'd hurt the people that are ""close"" to me, but is it really to sacrifice my happiness for theirs?",1,reason havent killed know hurt people close really sacrifice happiness -"I’m tired of having this literal disease that I consider depression. I feel trapped, as if I’m in a prison cell. I’m desperate to get out of it, especially now more than ever. But all it does is keep me back. Even if I try to escape and become a properly functioning human being, depression beats me down like a prison guard with a baton. It holds me back, keeping me from flourishing and becoming that best version of me that I so wish to be. - -I don’t feel like I’m able to connect with anyone. I have no friends, or anyone that cares about me in a more than friends way. It’s hell, being an INFP like myself, I seek connection that is long lasting, and strong. - -I’m getting help soon, but I wonder to myself, what if the medications don���t help? What if they don’t keep the depression at bay enough to allow me to live in the moment and happy? Will all this desperation be for nothing? I don’t want to fight anymore if it ends up being the case. Im weary, but I have just enough fight in me to try one more time. I want to put my life together, I want to be happy, I want to get to a point where I can look back and appreciate that I fought my way to success. - -I just want to be. To really exist instead of live every day trapped in my own mind while my body is on autopilot, giving fake smiles and telling lies that I’m okay. I’m not okay, I never was. - -Depression is the worst, don’t you agree?",1,tired literal disease consider depression feel trapped prison cell desperate get especially ever keep back even try escape become properly functioning human depression beat like prison guard baton hold back keeping flourishing becoming best version wish feel like able connect anyone friend anyone care friend way hell infp like seek connection long lasting strong getting help soon wonder medication help keep depression bay enough allow live moment happy desperation nothing want fight anymore end case im weary enough fight try one time want put life together want happy want get point look back appreciate fought way success want really exist instead live every day trapped mind body autopilot giving fake smile telling lie okay okay never depression worst agree -"The exact dates are kind of fuzzy at this point, but it's so stupid. He said they put me in an ""altered state."" Seriously, I need them to sleep and not hate every waking moment of my life.",1,exact date kind fuzzy point stupid said put altered state seriously need sleep hate every waking moment life -"I'm 22(M) and all I feel like i do is dissapoint everyone around me it sucks... I remember everyone used to tell me that I would have a bright life when I was a kid and I look at myself now, unable to talk to people, hold down a conversation without saying sorry every 3 seconds... I just feel like such a dissapointment and feel like everyone in my life would be so much better without me... I see my partner of 4 years just thrive in her life and it just kills me so much knowing that someone who is so full of life loves me... I feel so bad for her sometimes since my anxiety gets so bad to the point where I get panic attacks going to her families house or even taking her out to a restaurant.. I've never felt this low in my life and all I can think of now is just offing myself to spare everyone of my misery. Nobody deserves to have someone who is just a downer all the time.",1,feel like dissapoint everyone around suck remember everyone used tell would bright life kid look unable talk people hold conversation without saying sorry every second feel like dissapointment feel like everyone life would much better without see partner year thrive life kill much knowing someone full life love feel bad sometimes since anxiety get bad point get panic attack going family house even taking restaurant never felt low life think offing spare everyone misery nobody deserves someone downer time -"I am 15 and think I'm depressed. Idk what is but happiness just is not the same anymore it feels bland from what it used to be. It all started when my mom separated from my verbally abusive dad when I was 10 after that is spiraled down and down my aunts, uncles, grandmas and grandpas dying left and right and my aunt turning out to be racist even tho I'm her nefew I went to therapy for years but it did not help. I dated my best friend who I have known since I was a kid and it did not work out the relationship is ruined and now we barely talk I have plenty other friends but it does not feel the same. I hate school but my mom says i cant drop out and i have to have the best grades posible i know she is doing what she is supposed to and i wanna try but its so hard to even find the will to stay alive. I'm very self conscious and do not like the way I look. I have a girlfriend but it does not feel like what I thought it would be and does not help me mentally at all. Overall I want to off my self because of the things that's I've done and thing I've been through. I don't know what is stopping me I don't think its selfish if I off myself and I don't really see any benefit if I stay alive. I don't believe in true love and I'm not happy at all really my mom wants me to graduate so I can be happy but school makes me even more unhappy but I think that's just cause I'm a kid I don't even know if I'll make it past 18 let alone go to college. I just wanna know why can't I be happy",1,think depressed idk happiness anymore feel bland used started mom separated verbally abusive dad 0 spiraled aunt uncle grandma grandpa dying left right aunt turning racist even tho nefew went therapy year help dated best friend known since kid work relationship ruined barely talk plenty friend feel hate school mom say cant drop best grade posible know supposed wan na try hard even find stay alive self conscious like way look girlfriend feel like thought would help mentally overall want self thing done thing know stopping think selfish really see benefit stay alive believe true love happy really mom want graduate happy school make even unhappy think cause kid even know make past let alone go college wan na know happy -My gf might be pregnant. We haven't done it for 8 months now. She told me with all honesty that she and her boy best friend did it last month. She only did it because she was drunk and had a fight with her parents. I had no idea about that until now. She's delayed 1 week. I feel like my chest is getting crushed by what she had done. I can't cry but damn it hurts so bad. I don't know what to do. I admire her honesty but the pain is still here in my heart. She doesn't want to break up with me either. She said she's sorry. I love her. I really do.,1,gf might pregnant done month told honesty boy best friend last month drunk fight parent idea delayed week feel like chest getting crushed done cry damn hurt bad know admire honesty pain still heart want break either said sorry love really -"TW:sh,suicide. -i’m a 16 year old still in high school with depression anxiety intrusive thoughts and a “emerging personality disorder” i got diagnosed 2 years ago now and once i heard that it was overwhelming it made me feel labelled as a kid who was no longer a kid but a mentally ill person and it was horrible, it put me in the worst place of my life and after service and service all spoke to me the most important thing i realised is that i’m never going to be the same person before i was diagnosed, and i had to accept the fact i’m not okay, that was the first step into recovery and 2 years in im finally starting to get better bit by bit. -iknow how hard menial tasks can be such as getting out of bed, showering, eating etc which is why i’m glad so many people know how hard it is to having people who understand is another key thing that helped me start to recover. -as a lot of other people suffering from depression i self harmed and i self harmed for a year and a half it became almost an addiction and for the first time since i started i can finally say i no longer want to do it, i’m currently 26 days sober from a relapse after 6 months sober, relapsing is a part of recovery which is a thing i’m still learning because when you relapse you don’t think this is natural your first thought it oh ffs all that progress i made is gone but intact it’s not it’s just a part of it. -i also suffer from suicidal tendencies meaning that i have constant suicidal thoughts and i have attempted 8 times it sounds bad and it is but i’m glad i did because it made me realise how much i want to live the last one was the worst one, my mum found me hanging in my room and cut me down and instead of going ballistic she listened to me and got me the help i needed, now me and my whole family are closer than ever so a horrible situation worked out the best. - -i decided to write this to let people read if they want to and know that no matter how bad you are at that point there will always be a light at the end of the tunnel(cliche but true) and make sure you don’t lose track of the most important instinct, survival. thank you for reading it means a lot",1,tw sh suicide year old still high school depression anxiety intrusive thought emerging personality disorder got diagnosed year ago heard overwhelming made feel labelled kid longer kid mentally ill person horrible put worst place life service service spoke important thing realised never going person diagnosed accept fact okay first step recovery year im finally starting get better bit bit iknow hard menial task getting bed showering eating etc glad many people know hard people understand another key thing helped start recover lot people suffering depression self harmed self harmed year half became almost addiction first time since started finally say longer want currently day sober relapse month sober relapsing part recovery thing still learning relapse think natural first thought oh ffs progress made gone intact part also suffer suicidal tendency meaning constant suicidal thought attempted time sound bad glad made realise much want live last one worst one mum found hanging room cut instead going ballistic listened got help needed whole family closer ever horrible situation worked best decided write let people read want know matter bad point always light end tunnel cliche true make sure lose track important instinct survival thank reading mean lot -"Hello guys, - -My name is Tâm (or soul/heart, in my language). I have been struggling with depression for years now, and reached a breaking point some time ago. - -I have always been a quiet and lonely person, and never had any close friends. My circle has been small and at times completely empty. Lately, as I branch out socially, I find myself rejected or misunderstood. - -Mental illness and emotions are not really discussed in Vietnam, and I have been called too sensitive and emotional. It got to the point where I almost ended my life. However, I found a saving grace with a therapist. - -I just wanted to hop on here, and wanted to give you guys hope and love that I wasn't given. You are all wonderful, stay strong, and know that you are worthwhile. There is nothing wrong with you, and emotions are things to be treasured. They help us grow and love, but do not yield to the negative ones.",1,hello guy name soul heart language struggling depression year reached breaking point time ago always quiet lonely person never close friend circle small time completely empty lately branch socially find rejected misunderstood mental illness emotion really discussed vietnam called sensitive emotional got point almost ended life however found saving grace therapist wanted hop wanted give guy hope love given wonderful stay strong know worthwhile nothing wrong emotion thing treasured help u grow love yield negative one -How do you guys deal with depression other than avoiding it? I can’t keep this up lol. Sleeping is my only coping mechanism and it’s not a good one. I’m so drained. Any advice? Also more important: any advice for feeling less sad about unaccepting parents? I’m trans and can’t really deal with my parents negative reactions. I can’t cope well is what I mean. I have to wait several years to even transition to the gender I was supposed to be born as bc I’m too young to afford it all myself. I hate this. This body and this life. Sorry for bringing the mood down. Also school sucks. I wish it was fun. It sucks the fun out of learning. I’m too tired to type anymore though so have fun reading this mess of words crunched together.,1,guy deal depression avoiding keep lol sleeping coping mechanism good one drained advice also important advice feeling le sad unaccepting parent trans really deal parent negative reaction cope well mean wait several year even transition gender supposed born bc young afford hate body life sorry bringing mood also school suck wish fun suck fun learning tired type anymore though fun reading mess word crunched together -"Seriously applying for jobs is hard enough for a stable person but when you have someone like me with no qualifications, no education, no nothing. Applying for jobs is downright a soul crushing experience. Deep down I seriously don’t even want the shitty ass job anyway but I “have” to in order to survive. Then thinking about once I move out living alone in a crappy place working this meaningless job makes me internally dieing. I genuinely wish I was never born into this era. I don’t belong here at all",1,seriously applying job hard enough stable person someone like qualification education nothing applying job downright soul crushing experience deep seriously even want shitty as job anyway order survive thinking move living alone crappy place working meaningless job make internally dieing genuinely wish never born era belong -"the past few years have gotten tough and my depression has done irreversible damage to both my body and my life. - -my teeth are rotten and painful, my hair is greasy and my skin is awful. my body is caked in self harm scars and cigarette burns. - -i’ve pushed away everyone who cares about me, i’ll be lucky if i get out of school with more than 4 GCSE passes. no one likes me and i have no real hobbies. - -i wish i was better now, but i wish even more that i would’ve gotten better a long time ago. before the real damage was done. i miss being able to smile confidently, to wear shorts/t-shirts without people judging me. i wish i was doing well enough in school to get into sixth form. - -i wish i hadn’t done this to myself. i am ruined.",1,past year gotten tough depression done irreversible damage body life teeth rotten painful hair greasy skin awful body caked self harm scar cigarette burn pushed away everyone care lucky get school gcse pass one like real hobby wish better wish even would gotten better long time ago real damage done miss able smile confidently wear short shirt without people judging wish well enough school get sixth form wish done ruined -So about 8 days ago I started sh again and I cut to deep. I waited a week till I went to the hospital. By then it was to late to get stitches but the doctor said I should have got them. My best friend knew I went to the doctor and she told me I didn’t need stitches. She accused me of lying and doesn’t believe me. She acts like she’s a doctor and always acts like she’s right.,1,day ago started sh cut deep waited week till went hospital late get stitch doctor said got best friend knew went doctor told need stitch accused lying believe act like doctor always act like right -Am I the only one that wishes humanity would just die out? I fucking hate this place and I hate people and I hate society. I'm very sick and very close to going out into the woods and hanging myself. What is the point of any of this bullshit?,1,one wish humanity would die fucking hate place hate people hate society sick close going wood hanging point bullshit -"i’m so tired, i really wish i could like myself. i feel like all my thoughts are so complicated. i can’t do anything for myself. every thing i do is for others. yet i feel like such a selfish, emotionally cut off and unempathetic person and i hate myself for it. i have such high expectations for people and i get sad when they don’t meet them, i feel like that isn’t normal. i hate it. i hate that i create scenarios in my head of how people are going to treat me good and when they don’t do what i expected i get sad. that doesn’t feel normal. why am i like that? i hate doing good and then falling into a dark hole that’s so hard to get out of. it feels like it’s never going to end. i’m so tired. i hate myself so much, i just wish i could love myself. i feel so shut off, and all i want is someone to just hold me and tell me it’s okay. that’s something i hate about myself too, that i want people. shouldn’t i just feel happy alone? am i too codependent? am i ill? am i too obsessive and optimistic in the worse way? i’m exhausted because of these thoughts. i’m so tired of my anxiety, just myself. it feels like everything that happens is all my fault. even when i try to do good I’m a bad person. i try to do good for myself and i hurt other people, i can’t handle that. i just want to love myself. i can’t figure myself out. i’m so, so, so tired.",1,tired really wish could like feel like thought complicated anything every thing others yet feel like selfish emotionally cut unempathetic person hate high expectation people get sad meet feel like normal hate hate create scenario head people going treat good expected get sad feel normal like hate good falling dark hole hard get feel like never going end tired hate much wish could love feel shut want someone hold tell okay something hate want people feel happy alone codependent ill obsessive optimistic worse way exhausted thought tired anxiety feel like everything happens fault even try good bad person try good hurt people handle want love figure tired -"Guys, i need help. -I'm feel bad in my skin for too long. So trying to feel better I'm sinking in the alcoholism. -I don't know what to do, i don't know what i want, and every place i work for i don't feel aligned... - -I know there is more important than this problem as Ukrainian war, or starving people... -But how can i impact positively the world, when I'm sinking deeper everyday!? -And the fact that i see myself sinking feel like i add one more stone to sink even deeper and faster... - -Horrible feeling, i need help please. - -Thank to all of you for taking the time to read.",1,guy need help feel bad skin long trying feel better sinking alcoholism know know want every place work feel aligned know important problem ukrainian war starving people impact positively world sinking deeper everyday fact see sinking feel like add one stone sink even deeper faster horrible feeling need help please thank taking time read -"For years now I’ve always thought of suicide as a back up plan, whenever somethings went wrong i just thought “oh well, I’m not going to be here much longer it doesn’t matter” but I’ve never thought of the aftermath - -I hate the thought of my decomposed, possibly mangled body. I hate the fact my family/friends would have to see that, i hate to put them in that position. Ive never thought of it in their perspective. In general im just a coward - -It might sound good i don’t want to kill myself but now i feel very claustrophobic. I feel like i cant breathe. Theres no escape.",1,year always thought suicide back plan whenever somethings went wrong thought oh well going much longer matter never thought aftermath hate thought decomposed possibly mangled body hate fact family friend would see hate put position ive never thought perspective general im coward might sound good want kill feel claustrophobic feel like cant breathe there escape -"hi im an 18m and i just feel i am a lost cause. I hate everything about my life and barley if at all want to do any of the work to make it better. Nothing about my life is... horrible.. (besides my relationship but thats another story lol) I live in an average middle class house with my dad and have a decent setup for life. I have friends who like me for me i hope and have started to go to parties and etc. but I just cant shake my depression or feelings of hating myself - - -ive been like this since I was 12 or 13 and nothing could help and all Ive gotten is worse, I was a smart kid but now I haven't done any of my schoolwork and im supposed to graduate in 2 months, and I cheated through all of last years schooling because of covid. I had a job, then switched to doing doordash/instacart since im 18 but now I cant even motivate myself to go do that. I hate my body, the way I act, I especially hate being gay, i hate my adhd, i hate that i get jealous of other people being happy with themselves, it really hurts, and I hate that I feel like i have no passions in life and I have nothing I really want to work towards besides having nice clothes, and even then when I think of that I get more unmotivated because I already hate my body and wish clothes fit better on me already so I just get disappointed and think I will never look remotely close to the way I want (I really think this is because of the tik tok era). My body makes me feel disgusting and I feel like I have the ugliest face in the world. Im like abnormally skinny (5'9, 104lbs), but i cant gain weight because even when I try I forget to eat or put it off to continue what im fixated on at the moment, like I had my first meal at 4pm today. - - -ive asked my dad various times to get me setup with a psychiatrist but that will never happen knowing my parents (ive been recommended to a therapist by my school counselor since 6th grade, the only one ive had is the school provided one they gave for covid) - - -i just like in general hate myself and my life and i feel even worse about it because I shouldn't hate it, i have a lot that I should be grateful for that I just take for granted, for god sakes i have been in my room for the past 2 months doing nothing, most people do not have that kind of luxury. - -&#x200B; - -oh yeah and on the topic of my relationship which i think contriubutes to this feeling -> we've been on and off for like 2 years almost now, I was groomed im pretty sure (hes 23 im 18 you can do the math) he is emotionally abusive and denies that he was horribly abusive to me in the past. For example he used to tell me about people asking to hookup with him. constantly boosts his own ego, he puts me down with insults and names, accuses me of causing a scene or starting something when i have a reaction to a rude action he does, he didnt get me anything for valentines day or christmas, he has hit me twice but loves to be like ""it was a shirt i whipped you with"" and im sure he likes that im depressed, he has said im going to end up a strung out drug addict like my mom, that im a loser who will rot away. (who isn't even doing that bad rn and she isn't a strung out addict never was she was rich most her life) - -Im sorry if this isn't cohesive or whatever I just needed somewhere to vent my thoughts and hopefully get help. i just really wish i didnt feel like this and my brain didnt hate me, i wish i could just go to the gym and start doing my school work and get myself on track but i just cant",1,hi im feel lost cause hate everything life barley want work make better nothing life horrible besides relationship thats another story lol live average middle class house dad decent setup life friend like hope started go party etc cant shake depression feeling hating ive like since nothing could help ive gotten worse smart kid done schoolwork im supposed graduate month cheated last year schooling covid job switched doordash instacart since im cant even motivate go hate body way act especially hate gay hate adhd hate get jealous people happy really hurt hate feel like passion life nothing really want work towards besides nice clothes even think get unmotivated already hate body wish clothes fit better already get disappointed think never look remotely close way want really think tik tok era body make feel disgusting feel like ugliest face world im like abnormally skinny 9 0 lb cant gain weight even try forget eat put continue im fixated moment like first meal pm today ive asked dad various time get setup psychiatrist never happen knowing parent ive recommended therapist school counselor since th grade one ive school provided one gave covid like general hate life feel even worse hate lot grateful take granted god sake room past month nothing people kind luxury amp x 00b oh yeah topic relationship think contriubutes feeling gt like year almost groomed im pretty sure he im math emotionally abusive denies horribly abusive past example used tell people asking hookup constantly boost ego put insult name accuses causing scene starting something reaction rude action didnt get anything valentine day christmas hit twice love like shirt whipped im sure like im depressed said im going end strung drug addict like mom im loser rot away even bad rn strung addict never rich life im sorry cohesive whatever needed somewhere vent thought hopefully get help really wish didnt feel like brain didnt hate wish could go gym start school work get track cant -"I'm 21, dealing with debt, wasted 2 years of my university getting awful grades. I disappoint my family left and right.i have no confidence in myself, and I hate my body. I was low-key molested by my best friend when he was drunk. my childhood dog had to be put down after I took care of her for 2 months prior and I feel like its my fault.tht I could've done something better or idk. I find solace in anime but even that is starting feel dull. I thought I knew what I wanted to do with my life and career but I'm so lost. I dont know what to do and at this point I feel like ive ruined my life beyond repair. I know im 21 and most people just say that im young and I just have too dust everything off and it'll be fine. but its not, it never is and ive been in this loop of depression since I was 12. I think about taking my life and then think about how selfish it is to my friends family and little sister. I can't do that to her. and yet I still think about i. I'm so lost.",1,dealing debt wasted year university getting awful grade disappoint family left right confidence hate body low key molested best friend drunk childhood dog put took care month prior feel like fault tht could done something better idk find solace anime even starting feel dull thought knew wanted life career lost dont know point feel like ive ruined life beyond repair know im people say im young dust everything fine never ive loop depression since think taking life think selfish friend family little sister yet still think lost -"I’m just wondering if anyone has experienced people in healthcare disbelieving how depressed you are because you have a job. I hold a very low level easy, work from home job. I’m sure if I wasn’t depressed I’d be able to do a much higher level job. But my current job is not demanding at all and honestly there are days when I cry for the entire day. However, I’ve had psychiatrists downplay how depressed I am because I have a job at all. I wish I didn’t have to work but I’d become homeless pretty quickly so it’s not like I really have a choice. I just find it frustrating because some of these doctors aren’t prioritizing getting me access to the help I need because of their biases. Has anyone else had this kind of experience?",1,wondering anyone experienced people healthcare disbelieving depressed job hold low level easy work home job sure depressed able much higher level job current job demanding honestly day cry entire day however psychiatrist downplay depressed job wish work become homeless pretty quickly like really choice find frustrating doctor prioritizing getting access help need bias anyone else kind experience -"I hate the constant stress. I hate the nonstop work. I hate the isolation. I hate everything about college, but I have realized that my working life will likely be no different. Work for most of my life, dread work for the rest of it, and repeat until I die. I want to speed up the process and end my life but I can't leave my family in that much pain so I'm just stuck in this hell with no escape. I am on medication and seeing a therapist, it helps but it's not enough",1,hate constant stress hate nonstop work hate isolation hate everything college realized working life likely different work life dread work rest repeat die want speed process end life leave family much pain stuck hell escape medication seeing therapist help enough -"I feel like I shouldn't get help because I'm not depressed enough. I don't mope around in bed all day, I'm doing fine in school, and I don't cry myself to sleep at night. I want to feel worse so I can ""prove"" that I'm depressed. - -I feel like I'm on my own, and don't deserve help. I feel like nothing has happened to make me feel like this, and I feel it's selfish for me to ask for help.",1,feel like get help depressed enough mope around bed day fine school cry sleep night want feel worse prove depressed feel like deserve help feel like nothing happened make feel like feel selfish ask help -"I'm 18, I've been depressed since I was maybe about 10 years old, and I was diagnosed in 2020 (clinical depression). I struggle with substance abuse (alcohol and weed), and that combined with depression is what caused me to quit my job. now all I do is cry and get stoned, cry while being stoned sometimes, and lay in bed on tiktok. I'm unhappy in my relationship, but I'm afraid of losing the best thing I've ever had. I'm so unhappy with existence and I'm fucking SICK of being told to ""tough it out, life isn't easy"". I don't care. if I'm not going to be born into a decent world, I don't want to fucking participate. it's selfish to force me to stay when I contribute nothing to society. I have no goals or passions anymore. my clinics psychiatrist hasn't reached out to me. I quit taking my prozac because it stopped working, and one specific event triggered my current depression episode regarding my family and boyfriend. I'm miserable. is anyone else miserable?",1,depressed since maybe 0 year old diagnosed 0 0 clinical depression struggle substance abuse alcohol weed combined depression caused quit job cry get stoned cry stoned sometimes lay bed tiktok unhappy relationship afraid losing best thing ever unhappy existence fucking sick told tough life easy care going born decent world want fucking participate selfish force stay contribute nothing society goal passion anymore clinic psychiatrist reached quit taking prozac stopped working one specific event triggered current depression episode regarding family boyfriend miserable anyone else miserable -"Hi everyone. I’m new to this sub and am just seeking advice/support. This weekend I entered into a huge depressive episode after not having one for many months. I struggle with depression, anxiety and OCD but it’s been getting better as I’ve built a routine and stuff like that. This week though I had some personal issues, one of which was feeling heartbroken by a VERY manipulative ex and trying to get myself out of that rut; the other is having to move back to my college town. I am from a large city that I feel very much at home in, and at college I have literally no friends and hate the small town where it’s located. It feels toxic for me and I never know what to do with myself. I never go out and mostly just sleep to pass time. Today I had a particularly hard time going back—cried my eyes out, began to feel this raw sense of loneliness and longing, had trouble saying goodbye to family, etc. With my anxiety I also struggle with being worried that my family will die before we see each other next which is a whole other issue but it does complicate things. - -Can anyone help and provide some advice? I do go to therapy and am not open to taking medication right now. Mostly I’m just wondering what people do when they feel these profoundly heavy episodes since it’s been a while for me. What is your go-to activity? How do you take care of yourself and get back on your feet? Any tips for detoxing from the Internet/social media (I think this might trigger me to think about my ex and stuff)? - -Thank you and sending love to all.",1,hi everyone new sub seeking advice support weekend entered huge depressive episode one many month struggle depression anxiety ocd getting better built routine stuff like week though personal issue one feeling heartbroken manipulative ex trying get rut move back college town large city feel much home college literally friend hate small town located feel toxic never know never go mostly sleep pas time today particularly hard time going back cried eye began feel raw sense loneliness longing trouble saying goodbye family etc anxiety also struggle worried family die see next whole issue complicate thing anyone help provide advice go therapy open taking medication right mostly wondering people feel profoundly heavy episode since go activity take care get back foot tip detoxing internet social medium think might trigger think ex stuff thank sending love -None of this shit matters. Where is all this effort and energy going? I feel so bad and guilty because I feel I’m a low life because I don’t want to contribute to society. It’s a never ending cycle of bullshit. I do not want to get married or have any kids because that’s unnecessary work. FUCKKKK,1,none shit matter effort energy going feel bad guilty feel low life want contribute society never ending cycle bullshit want get married kid unnecessary work fuckkkk -"I'm doing really bad mentally, I don't feel up to typing a paragraph explaining what's wrong in my life rn, I just want somebody to acknowledge me and let me know that it's gonna be okay",1,really bad mentally feel typing paragraph explaining wrong life rn want somebody acknowledge let know gon na okay -Has anyone lost their career or become underemployed due to depression? How do you survive? Are you frightened about how you will retire or get by in old age? It's been seven years of mostly unemployment for me and I'm horrified when I think of the future.,1,anyone lost career become underemployed due depression survive frightened retire get old age seven year mostly unemployment horrified think future -"Why I have to think about things I am thinking about? Is this a punishment? What did I do to you, you are torturing me. Exactly why I have to think about death, existence, hollowness, loneliness, unwanted people like me and why are some more popular then others. I have no friends so I have to talk to myself, the worst person alive. I hate this person, he is only negative, doesn’t like anything. Why I see only one solution? There is nothing but hollowness for us. This is place for popular, talkative, handsome, and over all good people. So, maybe next time I will be luckier. I hate my mind and myself",1,think thing thinking punishment torturing exactly think death existence hollowness loneliness unwanted people like popular others friend talk worst person alive hate person negative like anything see one solution nothing hollowness u place popular talkative handsome good people maybe next time luckier hate mind -"Warning: I'll be ranting about feeling hopeless, guilty all the time and having no will to do anything with a splash of bitterness with life. - -Lately it feels like there is no hope for things to get better for me, like all the hope I had before is sucked right out of me. Nothing makes me feel better, words of encouragement and people saying it will get better, that its all temporary and that life is beautiful doesnt make me feel any more hopeful. - -In fact, I'm tired of hearing all these ""positive"" encouragement. It makes me feel bitter, guilty and defensive in a way. Bitter because, well, I get very irritated about everything and everyone lately so my brain goes ""well why the fck does anyone want to live so much anyway? whats the fckin point?"" - -Guilty because I feel shitty for not being able to heal despite complying to my medications and regularly meeting my psychiatrist. Granted, meds aren't miracle workers, you apparently gotta work on yourself to get better which makes me feel even more shittier because I don't have the will and energy to do anything and that makes me feel like a failure. Finally, I feel defensive cause internally my brain goes ""well its not fcking easy, you don't know what I'm going through"". - -So in the end, nothing makes sense anymore. I don't even wanna live but I still feel guilty for not getting better. I don't see the point in life but why haven't I offed myself yet? - -Sorry for ranting. Its been a while. Does anyone else feel the same?",1,warning ranting feeling hopeless guilty time anything splash bitterness life lately feel like hope thing get better like hope sucked right nothing make feel better word encouragement people saying get better temporary life beautiful doesnt make feel hopeful fact tired hearing positive encouragement make feel bitter guilty defensive way bitter well get irritated everything everyone lately brain go well fck anyone want live much anyway whats fckin point guilty feel shitty able heal despite complying medication regularly meeting psychiatrist granted med miracle worker apparently got ta work get better make feel even shittier energy anything make feel like failure finally feel defensive cause internally brain go well fcking easy know going end nothing make sense anymore even wan na live still feel guilty getting better see point life offed yet sorry ranting anyone else feel -"I feel really lazy, it was embarrassing for me to even have to ask for something but it's been over 2 weeks and everything got worse. Idk if I feel any different, think now I just have even less energy to do anything. My room is disgusting, my essay are overdue and I haven't been outside in too long. I'm way too embarrassed to ever say this to my gp (no words of encouragement on reddit will help im afraid) but idk what to do anymore. - -It's getting worse and every day I'm just procrastinating, I'm scared of everything catching up but somehow can't do anything about it. Never felt like this before, I almost want to hide away and die (not literally). Just don't know how to overcome this, there's not a lot and I have a massive incentive",1,feel really lazy embarrassing even ask something week everything got worse idk feel different think even le energy anything room disgusting essay overdue outside long way embarrassed ever say gp word encouragement reddit help im afraid idk anymore getting worse every day procrastinating scared everything catching somehow anything never felt like almost want hide away die literally know overcome lot massive incentive -"it's been a few months since I've posted. they've medicated me but nothing has changed. I'm still a worthless piece of shit. no matter what I do I'm the problem and no one will ever want me in their life. I'm never going to be good enough to have a real job or be anything more than a stupid customer service agent. I went to college I have put in over 200 job applications in the last 8 weeks... When I get an interview even companies who contact me first ask me to apply when I arrive they say I'm not a good fit. It's because I'm less than the same thing my mother saw when she gave birth and didn't want me is the same thing everyone else sees that makes me less than others. I am not even worthy of being human, I'm just trash. No pills or medicine will change that... I wish I had the strength to self check out. I don't tell my therapist bc it doesn't do any good they just want me to pay for more therapy that's supposed to train me to behave. My insurance doesnt cover it so it's not even worth mentioning anymore. - -I just wish I was loved and had a life I felt like mattered. I hate myself and the life I wake up too bc I'm not good enough to have anything but sorrow.",1,month since posted medicated nothing changed still worthless piece shit matter problem one ever want life never going good enough real job anything stupid customer service agent went college put 00 job application last week get interview even company contact first ask apply arrive say good fit le thing mother saw gave birth want thing everyone else see make le others even worthy human trash pill medicine change wish strength self check tell therapist bc good want pay therapy supposed train behave insurance doesnt cover even worth mentioning anymore wish loved life felt like mattered hate life wake bc good enough anything sorrow -I fallen in a dark place I feel like I always been this way how do I look on the brighter side of things how do I get thru being miserable everyday I feel like if I’m in a place too long I get depressed n sad I’m constantly on the run no one understands me I feel I keep alot to my self I feel like I’m exploding I feel there’s no hope I wanna stay in a bed n not get up or go out or do anything anymore how do I cope what do I do I wanna feel normal I wanna shake the feeling I don’t wanna be medicated I need the cure of another human being actually caring about my wellness I need a therapist but I can find help so I’m here looking for help,1,fallen dark place feel like always way look brighter side thing get thru miserable everyday feel like place long get depressed n sad constantly run one understands feel keep alot self feel like exploding feel hope wan na stay bed n get go anything anymore cope wan na feel normal wan na shake feeling wan na medicated need cure another human actually caring wellness need therapist find help looking help -"I used to be someone who was down with depression for a long time but this doesn’t feel like it. I was working 80+ hrs since the beginning of this year due to my yearly busy season and I’m suddenly asked to work jus 40hrs and honestly I feel so lost. Sometimes the anxiety is crippling like the smallest and most insignificant thing is anxiety inducing but other times I jus feel empty inside. It’s been a while I have talked to my friends and the only ppl I talk to are friends who keep reaching out despite me not texting them back. It’s not that I don’t want to, I jus don’t have the energy. I don’t have the energy to get out of bed and I survived on one meal during a weekend. I haven’t listened to music or I do the things I enjoy the most. I jus don’t know wat makes me happy anymore and this is so not me, I want to get back to the happier me. Sorry for the long rant but I can’t go out and tell ppl that I miss work. Is there a diagnosis for this? Or is there anything that has personally helped you to get out of this.",1,used someone depression long time feel like working 0 hr since beginning year due yearly busy season suddenly asked work jus 0hrs honestly feel lost sometimes anxiety crippling like smallest insignificant thing anxiety inducing time jus feel empty inside talked friend ppl talk friend keep reaching despite texting back want jus energy energy get bed survived one meal weekend listened music thing enjoy jus know wat make happy anymore want get back happier sorry long rant go tell ppl miss work diagnosis anything personally helped get -"Recently I have been feeling really strange and unsure emotionally. I feel a lot of things but I don't know how to express them. - -I think my life is not worth it and my presence doesn't really matter here. I know I am rational enough to never do something to myself but I do have thoughts from time to time but I know if given an opportunity to end everything painlessly without hurting the people I love, I would do it.",1,recently feeling really strange unsure emotionally feel lot thing know express think life worth presence really matter know rational enough never something thought time time know given opportunity end everything painlessly without hurting people love would -"my friend “ use “ to hear voices, she would hear voices in her head of people talking to her. But the voices have gone away ( or at least that is what she thinks / says ) - - She thinks that her neighbours are out to get her, she thinks that her neighbours are plotting to kill her. She also thinks that her neighbours have killed someone else, because she said that she heard them admit it , and she recorded them “ admitting “ that they killed someone. She said that her neighbours talk shit about her , and want to harm her, and say sexual things to and about her. She lives in an apartment building and they live right underneath her, so she will sit by her window and she will record them, because she thinks that they are talking crap about her and saying that they want to kill and harm her, so she will record them trying to get as much evidence as she possible can so she can go to the police. The thing is though, that NOBODY else can hear these recordings. Only she can. She was at my house yesterday and she was playing these recordings to us, and as the video was playing she was like “ See , they just said this “ and then she would tell us “ what they said “. But we don’t hear nothing. It is completely quiet. My boy friend literally had the phone up to his ear and didn’t hear anything, and she was a few feet away from him and she “ supposedly heard it so loud “. Me , My Boyfriend , and 6 other people have listened to these recordings and no one else heard anything , but her . And she says that she hears them talking so loudly when to us it is completely quiet. And she is so positive and confident that these recordings are real because every video that she has, anytime that she listens to it she always hears the exact same thing on each video. So it is not like every single time that she listens to the video she hears something different. She has like 14 videos of her neighbours “ talking about her. “ and every video she hears the same thing, like every video says something different. But no matter how many time she listens to each video it always says that same thing that it said last time that is why she believes that it is true. - - But again, nobody else hears anything. The videos she shows up is completely quiet and no one is talking. - - Has anyone experienced this? Do you know anyone that has experience this? - - It is so hard and difficult to watch her go through this, because I have been so supportive to her ever since I met her 5 years ago ( and I will continue being supportive ) but when I tell her that we don’t hear anything she gets fraustrated and mad, ( because she hears it ). I UNDERSTAND why she is fraustrated though, because hearing voices that other people don’t hear I get can be very stressful and frustrated. But I am just stuck. It’s hard watching someone you love go through this. I need advice.",1,friend use hear voice would hear voice head people talking voice gone away least think say think neighbour get think neighbour plotting kill also think neighbour killed someone else said heard admit recorded admitting killed someone said neighbour talk shit want harm say sexual thing life apartment building live right underneath sit window record think talking crap saying want kill harm record trying get much evidence possible go police thing though nobody else hear recording house yesterday playing recording u video playing like see said would tell u said hear nothing completely quiet boy friend literally phone ear hear anything foot away supposedly heard loud boyfriend people listened recording one else heard anything say hears talking loudly u completely quiet positive confident recording real every video anytime listens always hears exact thing video like every single time listens video hears something different like video neighbour talking every video hears thing like every video say something different matter many time listens video always say thing said last time belief true nobody else hears anything video show completely quiet one talking anyone experienced know anyone experience hard difficult watch go supportive ever since met year ago continue supportive tell hear anything get fraustrated mad hears understand fraustrated though hearing voice people hear get stressful frustrated stuck hard watching someone love go need advice -"MDMA - Depression -Xanax - Anxiety -Methamphetamine - ADHD -Rohypnol - Insomnia -Clozapine - Psychosis -Vicodin - Back Pain",1,mdma depression xanax anxiety methamphetamine adhd rohypnol insomnia clozapine psychosis vicodin back pain -I can literally wake up and drink a coffee or I can kill myself. The earth would keep spinning regardless and nothing changes.,1,literally wake drink coffee kill earth would keep spinning regardless nothing change -"people who have been through depression, or terrible life tell your success story or how you have changed I really need it",1,people depression terrible life tell success story changed really need -"During spring break I found out my mom has cancer. I don’t want to go back to school now because I want to spend as much time as I can with her just in case and I can’t imagine not living without her, I thought we would have so much time together but now I’m not sure. She’s my best friend and I can’t live without her. I have no motivation to go to class, do work, study, or even go pack to school. I’m in the middle of jointing a sorority too and I can’t bring myself to go to go back to campus to go to events or anything when internally im miserable and screaming. I thought life was going well but now it’s not. I’m not suicidal at all since I’m scared of death and could never take my own life, but I just want to sleep and not exist. I don’t want to feel like this at all, and I want help but I feel like I won’t get it until I do something to be taken seriously. I even feel like my friendships are falling apart, the one consistent happiness in my life is volleyball and now all my friends are going to play on teams without me and I feel so betrayed. I feel like everything is piling up at once and I’m so overwhelmed and I’m gonna screw myself over with school bc im depressed please give me any advice",1,spring break found mom cancer want go back school want spend much time case imagine living without thought would much time together sure best friend live without motivation go class work study even go pack school middle jointing sorority bring go go back campus go event anything internally im miserable screaming thought life going well suicidal since scared death could never take life want sleep exist want feel like want help feel like get something taken seriously even feel like friendship falling apart one consistent happiness life volleyball friend going play team without feel betrayed feel like everything piling overwhelmed gon na screw school bc im depressed please give advice -Is it okay stay up all night and and fall asleep at around 6-7am and then sleep all day long and then literally force yourself out of bed to do office work?,1,okay stay night fall asleep around sleep day long literally force bed office work -"I never talk about these things, but I'm basically getting closer to suicide. I've already seriously tried it a few times and I'm still waiting until my family is out of the city to get it right, but I still feel sorry for my grandparents. I know it's not so normal, but sometimes not everyone can handle their problems, especially if your parents don't support you in any way and even making things go worse. -These last years I think I lost my personality and I went from being the energetic and sociable guy to just a passive and socially isolated one. I tried to talk about it but my dad doesn't think depression is a serious stuff and my friends say everyone goes through things like that. I mean, does everyone goes trough this? Is this normal?",1,never talk thing basically getting closer suicide already seriously tried time still waiting family city get right still feel sorry grandparent know normal sometimes everyone handle problem especially parent support way even making thing go worse last year think lost personality went energetic sociable guy passive socially isolated one tried talk dad think depression serious stuff friend say everyone go thing like mean everyone go trough normal -"I have never felt this feeling so strongly before; like my borrowed time is up and my life is just a whisp away from being gone. I feel like it’s inevitable and I’m almost at peace with it. It’s time I think, and it has been for so long.",1,never felt feeling strongly like borrowed time life whisp away gone feel like inevitable almost peace time think long -"for the last few years, or as long as i can remember, i haven’t enjoyed much of anything. sometimes i’ll enjoy when i hangout with friends, or whenever i’m with family. but im extremely co-dependent to the point where if im alone im depressed, and even if im not alone, i’m probably depressed. i just recently started antidepressants and i think they’re helping, but not really. i don’t really feel like i connect to people or build connections because im constantly thinking about about X problem i have, or X thing that’s wrong with me. there was a time period where i thought i was a narcissist, but i hate myself, so that’s impossible. can somebody like… help me? lmao -i also feel like i’m a burden to everyone in my life, because every time i speak to anyone or interact with anyone it’s about how depressed i am, or how something is wrong with me",1,last year long remember enjoyed much anything sometimes enjoy hangout friend whenever family im extremely co dependent point im alone im depressed even im alone probably depressed recently started antidepressant think helping really really feel like connect people build connection im constantly thinking x problem x thing wrong time period thought narcissist hate impossible somebody like help lmao also feel like burden everyone life every time speak anyone interact anyone depressed something wrong -"im tired, exhausted of overthinking. i want peace, i want my brain to relax and stop thinking for a second. im not patient and i want to be in a different part of my life already. my job is not helping me at all, i have to hide my mental health issues because i feel judged at my job and i know they won’t believe me. i want to at least work from home because thinking every day about having to go back to that place and committing two hours of my life there and back and then having to deal with the greed they showcase is disgusting. trying to find a new job but I live in a place where the average applicant is more than 100 apps per job post. waiting on grad applications, received an acceptance but it’s even more heartbreaking than a denial because i can’t afford it. this world and the decisions other make for us is cruel, im tired of a lot. i want to help others more than i want to help myself, but i know i need myself to be good to make a positive impact for others. i’m really stuck, i just want to cry and cry.",1,im tired exhausted overthinking want peace want brain relax stop thinking second im patient want different part life already job helping hide mental health issue feel judged job know believe want least work home thinking every day go back place committing two hour life back deal greed showcase disgusting trying find new job live place average applicant 00 apps per job post waiting grad application received acceptance even heartbreaking denial afford world decision make u cruel im tired lot want help others want help know need good make positive impact others really stuck want cry cry -"I used to be a swimmer back in elementary (10yrs old). It's so quiet underwater and everything feels so light. After a year in sports my mom started pressuring me. She would compare me a lot to my other teammates and eventually it made me lose my passion for it. I tried drowning myself a lot of times and one of my teammates would eventually pull me up. - -I left swimming and suffered half of my junior high life being blamed financially by my mother. Up to this day I'm still afraid of receiving things because what if they'll blame for losing money for it. So instead, I would try to get high grades so it'll feel like i deserve it. And now I'm being pressured a lot again by my family. I'll be in college next year and they're expecting me to get into one of those state universities. - -I just want to be dissappear at this point.",1,used swimmer back elementary 0yrs old quiet underwater everything feel light year sport mom started pressuring would compare lot teammate eventually made lose passion tried drowning lot time one teammate would eventually pull left swimming suffered half junior high life blamed financially mother day still afraid receiving thing blame losing money instead would try get high grade feel like deserve pressured lot family college next year expecting get one state university want dissappear point -"As the title says, I have been feeling emotional blunting and I don’t take any medication. I used to see a therapist but stopped months ago. -I’m not even sure if this is related to my depression, but for some time now, maybe a month or two and more mildly for a long time before that, pretty much everything has been feeling dull. I’ve always had trouble crying and expressing/feeling my emotions in general, but now it feels like nothing can provoke strong reactions in me. Just a few weeks ago, it was 1 year since my older brother’s suicide, and I didn’t even feel that sad. I tried to find the emotions inside of myself, but I just couldn’t make myself feel the grief much. I also took a month break from listening to music since I felt like I was listening too much and music didn’t sound as good as a result, and just a few days ago when I finally listened to music again, I put on one of my favorite albums which used to always evoke such strong feelings in me, but this time it just felt empty. -Has anybody else felt this?",1,title say feeling emotional blunting take medication used see therapist stopped month ago even sure related depression time maybe month two mildly long time pretty much everything feeling dull always trouble cry expressing feeling emotion general feel like nothing provoke strong reaction week ago year since older brother suicide even feel sad tried find emotion inside make feel grief much also took month break listening music since felt like listening much music sound good result day ago finally listened music put one favorite album used always evoke strong feeling time felt empty anybody else felt -"Everyone’s depression stems from the world. How can you create your own world to make that depression go away? No crazy event in my life makes me depressed but the world as a whole does. Being like me you see everything. I see all the behind the scenes shit that goes on and it’s unfortunate. I see everyone for who they truly are. My brain is wired to out think everyone because I’m a male and use logic. I use my logic so much that you come to a point where you see life is actually dogshit. Things are such a waste, life is rigged, and people are actors. It’s like everything is ruined for me and I can never be happy because my brain sees the reality of things. Most people live in delusion or a fairy tale. Like life means something. I see no meaning, feel like shit, then keep having a snowball affect from being depressed then as the future keeps coming I get more behind in This game called life. It’s like everyone is on their feet running to something meaningless while I sit back and watch the rats. So much engines in the world. I have a human instinct in me that I wish I never had. I distant myself from these humans because I hate them all but then the human side kicks in and I’m lonely because everyone has feelings. I want to create my own reality to make it a fun one living but it’s impossible to create my own reality when I have such logical thinking and have to face reality everyday. It’s so tough because I think a girlfriend would really help me finding meaning and feeling love but I’ve never been outgoing in my life because I’m just so sad about this reality, I have tons of drive and motivation I just need help but can’t get nothing because people tend to only help and treat you well when you’re in a good spot in life but people who need just some little help don’t get it because they appear to be sad and depressed like myself and people shy away from that no real people in this world to help me. People find me scary cause I’m 6’6 and have the look of I hate life so no one wants to come around me. Just me please. All I need is to feel some fucking love that’s it. I never had a girlfriend in my life me rn though I’m good looking tall and fit. I think girls are scared because I see through all the bullshit. They only come around when you’re winning, they never come around and take a chance on you to help create and build a winning man, but instead girls wait at the finish line.",1,everyone depression stem world create world make depression go away crazy event life make depressed world whole like see everything see behind scene shit go unfortunate see everyone truly brain wired think everyone male use logic use logic much come point see life actually dogshit thing waste life rigged people actor like everything ruined never happy brain see reality thing people live delusion fairy tale like life mean something see meaning feel like shit keep snowball affect depressed future keep coming get behind game called life like everyone foot running something meaningless sit back watch rat much engine world human instinct wish never distant human hate human side kick lonely everyone feeling want create reality make fun one living impossible create reality logical thinking face reality everyday tough think girlfriend would really help finding meaning feeling love never outgoing life sad reality ton drive motivation need help get nothing people tend help treat well good spot life people need little help get appear sad depressed like people shy away real people world help people find scary cause look hate life one want come around please need feel fucking love never girlfriend life rn though good looking tall fit think girl scared see bullshit come around winning never come around take chance help create build winning man instead girl wait finish line -"Update 3/22: [Click here to view version 2.0 of the list of most helpful comments and resources](https://www.reddit.com/r/Anxiety/comments/t02f1o/comment/i1pkm2f/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - -Update 3/21: Please see the current stickied comment for more information. It is ok to include a link that is causing you anxiety and asking people to help explain it better. It is also ok to provide a news link alongside your own commentary about the article to help people understand what it is saying in a less anxious way. We're specifically going to remove comments that have one or more news links without asking for help or providing original commentary about the article. - -Update 3/20: We have seen a large amount of posts that are mainly about sharing/discussing specific news articles. Please remember to keep everything relevant to anxiety. If a comment is just a news link then we have decided we will have to remove it to keep the thread on topic. - -Hi everyone, - -It has been requested that we create a megathread for all of the events that have been happening with regards to the conflict in Ukraine. We decided that this is a good idea since so many people have been experiencing extreme anxiety because of it. - -We have opted to have this thread be sorted by Best for the time being. To read and respond to the latest comments you can manually change the sort to New. The reason we’re doing this is because we want the most helpful and most grounded comments to float to the top to help as many people as possible keep their anxiety under control during this difficult time. - -For those who want to talk with other anxiety sufferers in more of a live format, feel free to join our official Discord server with this invite link: [https://discord.com/invite/9sSCSe9](https://discord.com/invite/9sSCSe9). We have added a special channel to it called ""#ukrainediscussion"" so people can talk about what's happening and help each other. - -As always please remember to be supportive and report any problematic comments so we can remove them as soon as possible. - -Thanks! - -The r/Anxiety Mod Team",1,update click view version 0 list helpful comment resource http www reddit com r anxiety comment t0 f comment pkm f utm source share amp utm medium web x amp context update please see current stickied comment information ok include link causing anxiety asking people help explain better also ok provide news link alongside commentary article help people understand saying le anxious way specifically going remove comment one news link without asking help providing original commentary article update 0 seen large amount post mainly sharing discussing specific news article please remember keep everything relevant anxiety comment news link decided remove keep thread topic hi everyone requested create megathread event happening regard conflict ukraine decided good idea since many people experiencing extreme anxiety opted thread sorted best time read respond latest comment manually change sort new reason want helpful grounded comment float top help many people possible keep anxiety control difficult time want talk anxiety sufferer live format feel free join official discord server invite link http discord com invite 9sscse9 http discord com invite 9sscse9 added special channel called ukrainediscussion people talk happening help always please remember supportive report problematic comment remove soon possible thanks r anxiety mod team -"Congrats /r/anxiety we've all made it to Wednesday! - -This is a weekly thread that serves as a place for us to shine some light on what is going well in our lives. It is easy for mental health subreddits to focus primarily on the negative, after all we're not here because everything is going wonderfully. - -But, once in a while you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right. So whether you made it out of bed today, spoke up in a meeting or class, rode the bus, or just stepped outside please share with us what went well for you in the past week. - -Any accomplishment, victory, positive thought or action no matter how big or small is welcome here!",1,congrats r anxiety made wednesday weekly thread serf place u shine light going well life easy mental health subreddits focus primarily negative everything going wonderfully get shown light strangest place look right whether made bed today spoke meeting class rode bus stepped outside please share u went well past week accomplishment victory positive thought action matter big small welcome -Seems like my anxiety this week has been the worst it’s been in a long time. Anyone else having a rough time?,1,seems like anxiety week worst long time anyone else rough time -"I recently got a weighted blanket to see if it would help with anxiety, and it does, but at the same time it makes me feel really sad. It feels like a giant hug, and that reminds me of how lonely I am. I rarely receive any sort of physical touch from people whether it be friends or family, so whenever I put it on, and it feels like I'm being hugged, I question why I never get hugs from actual people, and why I'm so alone.",1,recently got weighted blanket see would help anxiety time make feel really sad feel like giant hug reminds lonely rarely receive sort physical touch people whether friend family whenever put feel like hugged question never get hug actual people alone -"I know I can be intense to deal with when my anxiety kicks in. I don’t know how to get out of the low, just wanted to kill my self really.",1,know intense deal anxiety kick know get low wanted kill self really -"I think this is mental breakdown but over the past few months things have been slowly building up for me and I seem to have finally snapped last week. - -My daily routine is basically wake up, shit, shower, brush, and sit on the PC until I go back to bed. I eat whenever I feel like it. - -I know it sounds and it a shit schedule but it's like the ONLY structure I have in my life. As boring and shitty as it is it's always the one thing I can kinda find comfort and stability in. - -Anyways, the final thing happened that made me snap last week. - -I now wake up and just kinda sit in my bed for a while, brush my teeth, go walk outside for an hour and then drive around for a few hours. Then I come back, shit, shower and the only thing I have left is to sit on my PC but it is borderline painful to do that. - -Idk what it is but I just can't handle wasting my time on the PC anymore. I've more or less ditched my online friends and any games, videos, songs that I used to enjoy all day. - -I want to be out of the house as much qs possible and dread the place that I've spent so much time in comfort. I dread going back to my ""safe space"" and wanna avoid it for as long as possible...",1,think mental breakdown past month thing slowly building seem finally snapped last week daily routine basically wake shit shower brush sit pc go back bed eat whenever feel like know sound shit schedule like structure life boring shitty always one thing kinda find comfort stability anyways final thing happened made snap last week wake kinda sit bed brush teeth go walk outside hour drive around hour come back shit shower thing left sit pc borderline painful idk handle wasting time pc anymore le ditched online friend game video song used enjoy day want house much q possible dread place spent much time comfort dread going back safe space wan na avoid long possible -I hate how I can’t do anything but think about the phone call and then I feel like I don’t have permission to relax until it’s over. Anyone have advice for this?,1,hate anything think phone call feel like permission relax anyone advice -"No one will read this but There would be occasions I took benzodiazepines and alcohol together and had no memory. For example 7 1mg ativans and a beer . Or 1 beer and three ativans , or 5 beers and 2 ativans . I haven’t done that in awhile . Issue is I am having extreme anxiety that I have ruined my brain chemicals somehow . Like very bad and now I’ve convinced myself I’ve ruined my brain and I’m going to be anxious forever .",1,one read would occasion took benzodiazepine alcohol together memory example mg ativan beer beer three ativan beer ativan done awhile issue extreme anxiety ruined brain chemical somehow like bad convinced ruined brain going anxious forever -"How would you respond? - -I said, "" Anxiety is not necessarily a physical ailment. It's more internal and what's going on inside my head. If you see me happy and cheerful it's because that's what I want you to see. I try to hide my anxiety and act normal even though I'm dying inside. This conversation might seem easy to you but every word that is coming out of my mouth is causing me emotional pain. While you will forget about this conversation in an hour or less, I will think about it for the next year."" - -Person shrugged and walked away.",1,would respond said anxiety necessarily physical ailment internal going inside head see happy cheerful want see try hide anxiety act normal even though dying inside conversation might seem easy every word coming mouth causing emotional pain forget conversation hour le think next year person shrugged walked away -"She is such a narcissist and not a very loving person. I’m 22 and she treats me like a child, I’ve grown up to be such an insecure perfectionist because of her. - -She acts like I can’t do anything for myself. I had a job interview for something that I really want and she tried “coaching me” on what to say and to memorize it so I nail the interview in the way SHE wants me to. If I get the job, it’ll be because of HER and tell me all about how I should be grateful that she helps me. But if I don’t get it, it’s because I didn’t do what SHE told me to say and did what I wanted to do. - -Any time I have an achievement, it can never be because I did something right. It makes me so anxious to think about her approval and her reactions because if I don’t get this job I already know the lecture that’s going to come with it.",1,narcissist loving person treat like child grown insecure perfectionist act like anything job interview something really want tried coaching say memorize nail interview way want get job tell grateful help get told say wanted time achievement never something right make anxious think approval reaction get job already know lecture going come -,1,nan -,1,nan -"I have been suffering for eight long months after a girl I thought would be interested in being my girlfriend ended things and left me out to dry. - -It was a pretty short span of dating and hooking up, we talked during the summer and only saw each other in person for a few weeks, but the aftermath has been the worst thing I’ve ever gone through in my entire life. - -I have alienated myself from her, because I couldn’t stop texting her and asking what I did wrong, or saying things I thought I did to make her not interested and expect her to confirm. I am on a no contact basis with her now, which is probably for the best because I don’t think she even cared that much about me to begin with. - -I can’t handle the fluidity of dating, how people can just leave something if it isn’t working out for them for whatever reason and not know what that reason is. I’ve already come up with every possible situation or reason in my head that it didn’t work out and it’s honestly been driving me over the edge since last summer. I can’t take this anymore. - -Luckily it’s never gotten so bad that I threatened her with suicide, because I remember her saying she had an ex who did that to her and it sounds like an awful thing to have done to you, but that thought did cross my mind where I wanted to present that as an ultimatum to her if she couldn’t just tell me what the exact reason or reasons were she wanted to end it, but I would never actually do that due to it being shitty to put another person through. - -It’s not enough for me to accept that we lived more than three hours from each other, or she had a bad long term relationship end and wasn’t trying to get into anything serious, or she told me she was feeling suffocated by me. It’s like the Spongebob episode with Patrick’s secret box, I just want so badly to hear what it might have been like she would tell her girl friends behind closed doors, no matter how bad it might sting or hurt, but I know I’ll never know precisely what she was thinking. - -It is SO difficult to just ‘move on’ or ‘let it go’ like people always say for dating situations like this. That to me just sounds impossible. I just hate dating, I hate how some people have such ease jumping from date to date, or going on multiple dates with multiple people at once, or talking to many people at one time, it just makes me feel so overwhelmed and upset that that seems to be the norm in society. I can’t take it… It makes me want to die just knowing that’s what I’m going to have to deal with if I want to have any hope of finding someone to be with, let alone get over this last girl.",1,suffering eight long month girl thought would interested girlfriend ended thing left dry pretty short span dating hooking talked summer saw person week aftermath worst thing ever gone entire life alienated stop texting asking wrong saying thing thought make interested expect confirm contact basis probably best think even cared much begin handle fluidity dating people leave something working whatever reason know reason already come every possible situation reason head work honestly driving edge since last summer take anymore luckily never gotten bad threatened suicide remember saying ex sound like awful thing done thought cross mind wanted present ultimatum tell exact reason reason wanted end would never actually due shitty put another person enough accept lived three hour bad long term relationship end trying get anything serious told feeling suffocated like spongebob episode patrick secret box want badly hear might like would tell girl friend behind closed door matter bad might sting hurt know never know precisely thinking difficult move let go like people always say dating situation like sound impossible hate dating hate people ease jumping date date going multiple date multiple people talking many people one time make feel overwhelmed upset seems norm society take make want die knowing going deal want hope finding someone let alone get last girl -"I’m a 20 year old male, 5’8, 182lbs. Lately I’ve been having a dull ache that comes and goes in my chest. The right and the left side but never at the same time. Aching pains in my arms especially around the wrists and knuckles that comes and goes (almost always at night) an occasional dropping feeling in my chest, like my heart dropping, and nerve tingles or zaps (kind of like an small electric shock) at different spots all over my body, sometimes it’s my hands, sometimes it’s my neck or face, the back of my head (anywhere really) it’s almost always when I’m trying to go to sleep at night. I have an appointment with my primary care on April 6th and I’m just trying to hold out until then, went to the ER a few weeks ago thinking I was having a heart attack, EKG came back normal and they diagnosed me with an anxiety attack and gave me hydroxyzine 25mg which helped at first but is now hit or miss and I’m running out of it. Everyone at home including my dad who has had many heart problems and knows what it feels like, say that it’s just anxiety but I’m honestly just so exhausted and on edge all the time. Even on the good days it’s always there in the back of my mind that there’s something wrong with me even though when I’m at work, listening to music, singing, basically exerting myself I don’t feel these things but when I lie down at night to go to sleep it’s like everything just wakes up and starts fucking with me. I dread going to bed every night. Has anyone had any similar experiences or symptoms? I just feel so alone in all this even though I know I can’t be the only one, thank you to anyone who actually read all this nonsense, even though I don’t know you, I really appreciate it <3",1,0 year old male lb lately dull ache come go chest right left side never time aching pain arm especially around wrist knuckle come go almost always night occasional dropping feeling chest like heart dropping nerve tingle zap kind like small electric shock different spot body sometimes hand sometimes neck face back head anywhere really almost always trying go sleep night appointment primary care april th trying hold went er week ago thinking heart attack ekg came back normal diagnosed anxiety attack gave hydroxyzine mg helped first hit miss running everyone home including dad many heart problem know feel like say anxiety honestly exhausted edge time even good day always back mind something wrong even though work listening music singing basically exerting feel thing lie night go sleep like everything wake start fucking dread going bed every night anyone similar experience symptom feel alone even though know one thank anyone actually read nonsense even though know really appreciate lt -"I'm feeling every day more drained. Not only I have to deal with a job I hate but also my anxiety doesn't make it any better. I dread going to work. It's like all day I'm imagining how tiring it's gonna be the day after. It's a vicious cycle I can't seem to get out of. - -What's more troubling it's that I've never could do anything meaningful with my life to improve my situation. I don't have any remarkable skills or something that can allow me to find a better job. I feel such a loser. Don't know how much I'm gonna be able to resist this. - -These past two years since the pandemic started also made matters worse. I'm depressed almost all the time. I don't feel like going out, meeting with friends, going to the movies, nothing. It's like everything it's piling up on me. - -A few months ago I took the step of starting to follow some online courses to gain skills that allow me to find a better job. But it feels like I'm never gonna make it. I have negative thoughts constantly which lead me to believe I'm gonna fail. - -My anxiety also doesn't allow me to find a therapist. I had a bad experience in the past that left me kinda scarred in this regard. And now just finding professional help feels like a daunting task. I'm so lost. - -What would you do? - -Thanks for reading.",1,feeling every day drained deal job hate also anxiety make better dread going work like day imagining tiring gon na day vicious cycle seem get troubling never could anything meaningful life improve situation remarkable skill something allow find better job feel loser know much gon na able resist past two year since pandemic started also made matter worse depressed almost time feel like going meeting friend going movie nothing like everything piling month ago took step starting follow online course gain skill allow find better job feel like never gon na make negative thought constantly lead believe gon na fail anxiety also allow find therapist bad experience past left kinda scarred regard finding professional help feel like daunting task lost would thanks reading -😕,1, -"I recently accepted a new position as an HRIS analyst which I’ve wanted for a long time, but one thing I feared about the job was all the meetings we have to lead with cross-functional teams/presentations that we have to make. - -I came up with a good solution to a problem a few weeks ago and have been configuring everything in our HR system, but my manager informed me that before I can move anything into our staff-facing system, I’ll have to present my idea to a team of “decision makers”. I am FREAKING out. - -I have practiced what I’m gonna say, wrote down a script, anticipated as many questions they might ask as I could to make myself feel comfortable, but I just know when it’s my turn to present, I’m gonna be shaky, nervous, heart racing, and uncomfortable and I am dreading it. - -Any advice on how to get over this? This is going to be a part of my job going forward. We have to do this for EVERY big project or implementation and I don’t know if I have the ability to handle it. I didn’t realize it was going to involve this much face to face time with people, I just wanted to do configuration! - -I’d love to hear some success stories or any advice you may have for getting through things like this. - -I’m hoping with time and experience, this gets easier but I am worried it won’t. - -Tl:dr: I have severe public speaking (edit) anxiety and have to present something to a team of people at work - I am terrified and am looking for some good insight into how I can ease my anxiety.",1,recently accepted new position hris analyst wanted long time one thing feared job meeting lead cross functional team presentation make came good solution problem week ago configuring everything hr system manager informed move anything staff facing system present idea team decision maker freaking practiced gon na say wrote script anticipated many question might ask could make feel comfortable know turn present gon na shaky nervous heart racing uncomfortable dreading advice get going part job going forward every big project implementation know ability handle realize going involve much face face time people wanted configuration love hear success story advice may getting thing like hoping time experience get easier worried tl dr severe public speaking edit anxiety present something team people work terrified looking good insight ease anxiety -"my anxiety has been so bad recently and I’m developing new fears and irrational thoughts. I work in healthcare and have seen nasty things like people aspirating, choking on vomit and patients dead with throw up all over them. I ate something off today and had to throw up. I literally had to call my boyfriend. I live alone and had the irrational fear I was going to choke on my vomit or pass out later and nobody would find me until he came to see me this weekend. I am honestly really embarrassed he saw me like that. Does anyone else get health anxiety?",1,anxiety bad recently developing new fear irrational thought work healthcare seen nasty thing like people aspirating choking vomit patient dead throw ate something today throw literally call boyfriend live alone irrational fear going choke vomit pas later nobody would find came see weekend honestly really embarrassed saw like anyone else get health anxiety -"Hi, -Something weird happened to me yesterday at noon. -I'm tryna understand what it was exactly. - -I went to some very nice restaurent with my FWB that I've known for 6 months so we have a trustful relationship. - -At the end of the meal, I wanted to go to the toilets in the third room of the restaurent. I was feeling calm and not anxious at all in this moment. - I didn't know the exact place where the bathroom was located. But when I got to the third room, I felt really overwhelmed, like I never did before, even on acid. - -There were a lot of plates on the wall, not that much people, but I felt like I understood NOTHING ANYMORE - -Really had a panic feeling, everything looked weird, like a dream. I felt very oppressed in my body, a strange weight I never felt before. It was nothing like regular anxiety. It had no reason to be and it happened very fast. -I was standing alone in this room, I don't even know if people were looking at me, I could barely understand where people were, or what they were doing. - -I had a strange feeling that I was really going to lose control of my mind if I stayed here. - -Like somebody was mixing my brain and my perceptions. -Didn't go to the bathroom. Get back to my friend, he looked at me like this : 👀 -Explained the shit to him, he was like : 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀 - -I don't think it was an acid flashback, it may have happened to me some months ago and it was pretty different. (perspective distortions, colors changing, hallucinations..) - -Did you experienced something like this?",1,hi something weird happened yesterday noon tryna understand exactly went nice restaurent fwb known month trustful relationship end meal wanted go toilet third room restaurent feeling calm anxious moment know exact place bathroom located got third room felt really overwhelmed like never even acid lot plate wall much people felt like understood nothing anymore really panic feeling everything looked weird like dream felt oppressed body strange weight never felt nothing like regular anxiety reason happened fast standing alone room even know people looking could barely understand people strange feeling really going lose control mind stayed like somebody mixing brain perception go bathroom get back friend looked like explained shit like think acid flashback may happened month ago pretty different perspective distortion color changing hallucination experienced something like -"does anyone elses anxiety cause extreme paranoia? - -for context there will be situations to in which i think a situation is true when its not, because of this family & friends have to constantly reassure me its not, was wondering if anyone dealt with the same thing, and if so what did you do to fix it?",1,anyone el anxiety cause extreme paranoia context situation think situation true family amp friend constantly reassure wondering anyone dealt thing fix -Please give me your grounding exercises to keep me busy as I make a long distance move. Happy thoughts appreciated!!,1,please give grounding exercise keep busy make long distance move happy thought appreciated -"So I haven’t had a job in a year, and today I finally had a phone interview for a work at home position that involved customer service, since I have over five years of experience in that realm. I thought I was going to do well, like I was feeling really confident and thought I was going to slam dunk the interview. I watched so many interview videos, articles, wrote down interview questions and my answers and practiced multiple times in the mirror and recorded myself over and over again. I felt so good about myself, but when the interview started and he started to ask me questions I panicked because they were nothing like the ones I thought they would be for the position. I could barely get my thoughts together and form sentences… i hung up and he called back and I lied and said the call dropped and then he went onto the next and I just couldn’t do it, i hung up again and broke down into tears and started to shake lmao. At this point I feel like I’m stuck in a vicious cycle of anxiety. I want to get a job again, i want to get back into school, but this anxiety shit has me in a chokehold and it’s making so sad. - -Idk what to do…",1,job year today finally phone interview work home position involved customer service since five year experience realm thought going well like feeling really confident thought going slam dunk interview watched many interview video article wrote interview question answer practiced multiple time mirror recorded felt good interview started started ask question panicked nothing like one thought would position could barely get thought together form sentence hung called back lied said call dropped went onto next hung broke tear started shake lmao point feel like stuck vicious cycle anxiety want get job want get back school anxiety shit chokehold making sad idk -Can i talk to someone please,1,talk someone please -"i wanted to share some of what i've written because i find that writing is an outlet that helps me to calm down! ""Sometimes I sit in a room full of people and stay quiet. The loud chatter and the chaos of laughter will fill the room, fill my head. Yet I keep my opinions and questions to myself, I keep my thoughts contained in my mind. I watch as the girl who betrayed me smiles and continues to talk. I watch as my friends all happily converse with one another. I watch as the boys throw their heads back unable to control their laughter. They ask if I am okay, more quiet than usual, and all I can say is that I am tired. What they do not know is that I am not physically tired but mentally exhausted. My mind is constantly racing, overthinking every word that leaves my tongue, every move I make, and every awkward gesture that displays itself during conversations with people. I need a rest.""",1,wanted share written find writing outlet help calm sometimes sit room full people stay quiet loud chatter chaos laughter fill room fill head yet keep opinion question keep thought contained mind watch girl betrayed smile continues talk watch friend happily converse one another watch boy throw head back unable control laughter ask okay quiet usual say tired know physically tired mentally exhausted mind constantly racing overthinking every word leaf tongue every move make every awkward gesture display conversation people need rest -"I am having a hard time nailing down whether I am truly experiencing OCD or Anxiety or both. - -&#x200B; - -Does anyone have any experience with one or both that can chime in?",1,hard time nailing whether truly experiencing ocd anxiety amp x 00b anyone experience one chime -"I have achieved a good outcome as a manager gave me good comments and feedback. However, there’s this thought in my head that’s saying “he’ll rethink his decision and realise that the praise given wasn’t warranted”. - -I feel like this worry is uncalled for but it’s causing me distress. Does anyone know how to deal with this type of thoughts?",1,achieved good outcome manager gave good comment feedback however thought head saying rethink decision realise praise given warranted feel like worry uncalled causing distress anyone know deal type thought -Haven’t had one in awhile. Took meds. Still nothing helped.,1,one awhile took med still nothing helped -"So I have a mild stutter and I just had an epiphany. I’ve been letting my stutter control me but I found something amazing out. I let my stutter define who I was as a person instead of an aspect of myself. It’s so bad that when my parents talk to me like a normal person I’d think to myself “wow they act like I’m normal despite my stutter, they see past that” and when I would work people would see my name tag and say “oh I have a son named [my name]” and I would think “he probably doesn’t stutter tho”. I let this define who I was as a person and I let it really get to me - -I was looking at old reddit posts from other people asking how people view stutters and most people said they didn’t care at all and even found it interesting. Some even said it was hot, cute, made jokes sound more natural and as a result more funny (not like they found the stutter funny tho), and one even said they were turned on by it. And someone said something that stuck out to me. They pretty much said how you perceive yourself is how others will. So if I see myself as weird and anxious, I will act that way and be perceived in that way. But if I see myself as confident and charismatic, and just act like my stutter doesn’t bother me and even joke about it, then others will perceive me as such. This blew my mind as I thought everyone didn’t pick up on my stutter at first and just thought I was super weird, but it’s just ME convincing myself of that - - -So even tho this clicked I still can’t just flick the switch off. So how do I actually become confident with my stutter? It’s very mild and is fueled by anxiety so if I can get rid of my anxiety it’ll in my opinion make me sound more charismatic and confident, so I really wanna figure out how to just own it. How do I do this?",1,mild stutter epiphany letting stutter control found something amazing let stutter define person instead aspect bad parent talk like normal person think wow act like normal despite stutter see past would work people would see name tag say oh son named name would think probably stutter tho let define person let really get looking old reddit post people asking people view stutter people said care even found interesting even said hot cute made joke sound natural result funny like found stutter funny tho one even said turned someone said something stuck pretty much said perceive others see weird anxious act way perceived way see confident charismatic act like stutter bother even joke others perceive blew mind thought everyone pick stutter first thought super weird convincing even tho clicked still flick switch actually become confident stutter mild fueled anxiety get rid anxiety opinion make sound charismatic confident really wan na figure -"Everyday is so hard i feel like everyone is fake and everybody thinks i’m stupid or weirdo. I’ve been bullied alot mainly because i’m quiet introvert what people use against me and abuse me. - -Feels like every friend or relative thinks i’m nothing, i’m a failure just stupid. - -It’s so hard to live with myself.",1,everyday hard feel like everyone fake everybody think stupid weirdo bullied alot mainly quiet introvert people use abuse feel like every friend relative think nothing failure stupid hard live -"In recent weeks I've been starting to learn how to live with my anxiety to the point where I very minimally get anxiety anymore. Anxiety itself happens a couple times a week still but it's nothing I can't handle. - -Today I had an amazing day with friends and of course we drank a lot to the point where I was very drunk at the end, which is okay bc I drink more than average (I'm 19). Anyway, it was an unforgettable day and I went to sleep drunk af. - -BOOM I wake up with the biggest anxiety attack I've had in months. Out of nowhere. You all understand anxiety attacks so hopefully you get it when I say that I was totally convinced my body woke me up because I was dying in my sleep or that a heart attack was nearing. Now I'm calming down on the couch at 5:40 am watching the office when I just want to sleep. - -What I just want to get off my chest is that I hate that this stupid disorder follows me around in EVERY aspect of my life it's just really depressing. There's nothing I can do to make it stop ever. It's just depressing that it's ALWAYS there around the corner waiting for me. I was so proud of myself for learning how to deal with anxiety but now this shit happened to me and I just feel tired about it. I honestly wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. If I had to choose between infinite money or not having to live with anxiety ever again I'd choose the latter every fucking time. - -Sorry but I just had to vent about this im just tired.",1,recent week starting learn live anxiety point minimally get anxiety anymore anxiety happens couple time week still nothing handle today amazing day friend course drank lot point drunk end okay bc drink average 9 anyway unforgettable day went sleep drunk af boom wake biggest anxiety attack month nowhere understand anxiety attack hopefully get say totally convinced body woke dying sleep heart attack nearing calming couch 0 watching office want sleep want get chest hate stupid disorder follows around every aspect life really depressing nothing make stop ever depressing always around corner waiting proud learning deal anxiety shit happened feel tired honestly wish worst enemy wish anyone choose infinite money live anxiety ever choose latter every fucking time sorry vent im tired -"I live in my bedroom... Weekends burn by fast with me playing video games... I bought a new car, but lack will to learn how to get comfortable with it. I want to do things, but I don't want to drive myself to these places, in fear of crashing into something. And my job is easy and amazing pay, but somehow I find a way to disdain it and my coworkers. I want to start dating again, but all the sudden I've become embarrassed of who I am. I feel like I'm boring and not really interesting to talk to. My coworkers like to find my insecurities and turn it into a joke for everyone... And I haven't done anything to them. I'm just there. I feel like I'm losing my grip on reality sometimes and just want to end it forever. And if I did, nothing of value would be lost and nobody would really care. I'm afraid of change, yet I want it so much at the same time. I just wish I were a more outgoing person who doesn't let other's words get to me...",1,live bedroom weekend burn fast playing video game bought new car lack learn get comfortable want thing want drive place fear crashing something job easy amazing pay somehow find way disdain coworkers want start dating sudden become embarrassed feel like boring really interesting talk coworkers like find insecurity turn joke everyone done anything feel like losing grip reality sometimes want end forever nothing value would lost nobody would really care afraid change yet want much time wish outgoing person let word get -"So I have a mild stutter and I just had an epiphany. I’ve been letting my stutter control me but I found something amazing out. I let my stutter define who I was as a person instead of an aspect of myself. It’s so bad that when my parents talk to me like a normal person I’d think to myself “wow they act like I’m normal despite my stutter, they see past that” and when I would work people would see my name tag and say “oh I have a son named [my name]” and I would think “he probably doesn’t stutter tho”. I let this define who I was as a person and I let it really get to me - -I was looking at old reddit posts from other people asking how people view stutters and most people said they didn’t care at all and even found it interesting. Some even said it was hot, cute, made jokes sound more natural and as a result more funny (not like they found the stutter funny tho), and one even said they were turned on by it. And someone said something that stuck out to me. They pretty much said how you perceive yourself is how others will. So if I see myself as weird and anxious, I will act that way and be perceived in that way. But if I see myself as confident and charismatic, and just act like my stutter doesn’t bother me and even joke about it, then others will perceive me as such. This blew my mind as I thought everyone didn’t pick up on my stutter at first and just thought I was super weird, but it’s just ME convincing myself of that - - -So even tho this clicked I still can’t just flick the switch off. So how do I actually become confident with my stutter? It’s very mild and is fueled by anxiety so if I can get rid of my anxiety it’ll in my opinion make me sound more charismatic and confident, so I really wanna figure out how to just own it. How do I do this?",1,mild stutter epiphany letting stutter control found something amazing let stutter define person instead aspect bad parent talk like normal person think wow act like normal despite stutter see past would work people would see name tag say oh son named name would think probably stutter tho let define person let really get looking old reddit post people asking people view stutter people said care even found interesting even said hot cute made joke sound natural result funny like found stutter funny tho one even said turned someone said something stuck pretty much said perceive others see weird anxious act way perceived way see confident charismatic act like stutter bother even joke others perceive blew mind thought everyone pick stutter first thought super weird convincing even tho clicked still flick switch actually become confident stutter mild fueled anxiety get rid anxiety opinion make sound charismatic confident really wan na figure -,1,nan -,1,nan -"Hi, - -Last year in matheletics I managed to bag at least top 50, but suddenly this year, my playing conditions have dropped, because when I look at the leaderboard every time, it makes me more anxious, and leads to bad performance in the competition. Now, i cannot even reach top 1000. This has been making me more stressed and now I even have mixed feelings to never take part in any of these competitions, even though its things that I like. Are there any ways to at least calm myself down?",1,hi last year matheletics managed bag least top 0 suddenly year playing condition dropped look leaderboard every time make anxious lead bad performance competition even reach top 000 making stressed even mixed feeling never take part competition even though thing like way least calm -"So its a beautiful day. A lot of sun, very warm, overal nice. But. I sweat a lot. I'm wearing a white shirt. And I'm sweating a lot under my arms. It's really noticeable and idk but it worries me a lot. I feel really ashamed of this. Who else feels like this??",1,beautiful day lot sun warm overal nice sweat lot wearing white shirt sweating lot arm really noticeable idk worry lot feel really ashamed else feel like -"Hi all! I'm working in Human Resources for a smaller company and we're keen to making sure we're being inclusive. We've managed to implement flexibility for those who celebrate different religions/beliefs, new parents and a variety of physical disabilities, but we're still learning when it comes to Neurodiversity generally - -We're very ambitious and strong believers in inclusion for all, so we want to make sure we're going above and beyond rather than just doing the bear minimum. -**My question for you is:** What processes and/or actions have you seen companies take that were groundbreaking or in some may made a major difference to you as someone with anxiety? It can also be something you heard of, rather than something that happened to you specifically. If you don't know a company doing something that you feel would be very effective, what would you love to see a company do?",1,hi working human resource smaller company keen making sure inclusive managed implement flexibility celebrate different religion belief new parent variety physical disability still learning come neurodiversity generally ambitious strong believer inclusion want make sure going beyond rather bear minimum question process action seen company take groundbreaking may made major difference someone anxiety also something heard rather something happened specifically know company something feel would effective would love see company -"Basically earlier I took a hit of this old roach this guy gave me and it tasted bad so I extinguished it. Didn’t know it was that bad lol. He’s a guy I know. - -Long story short I don’t know if it was moldy so I washed my hands and opened the cap of the case it was in and just quickly inspected it with my eyes not touching it... then I rubbed my eye and my felt felt weird?? Lol am I just being anxious maybe I have dry eyes... I was smoking some actual fucking normal weed too - -Sigh. You feel me? Random anxiety. Oof",1,basically earlier took hit old roach guy gave tasted bad extinguished know bad lol guy know long story short know moldy washed hand opened cap case quickly inspected eye touching rubbed eye felt felt weird lol anxious maybe dry eye smoking actual fucking normal weed sigh feel random anxiety oof -"I graduated in 2019 and since then I moved back home and have been living in my room, aside from going places with my family when they would force me and emotionally manipulate me to go, which worsened my mental health. My mum keeps putting pressure on me to go with her to a spa or something, even though I tell her it's not good for my mental health for her to try and manipulate me or guilt trip me to do things with her when she has friends and sisters she can ask to do that with. Last year of university during the last semester I became mute and forgot how to talk to people because I was alone and isolated. I'm socially awkward, shy and my self-esteem and confidence are none existent. I prefer being alone but don't necessarily enjoy my own company, I just prefer it to being around others. - -I was happy when lockdown happened because it meant everyone was stuck at home like me and we could all be miserable together. Summer is coming which is my least favourite season because everyone's out and about, laughing and having a good time and I'm always home, alone. I don't want to live this way being all depressed, anxious and suicidal. I want to live and enjoy my life and remaining 20s (I turn 27 in a few months). - -What can I do? Like what steps can I start to take to be more confident, self-loving and go out more? Also what sorts of things can I do on my own or to find friends and a boyfriend? Please don't suggest online dating because for some reason I can't download any of the apps on my phone anymore 🤔",1,graduated 0 9 since moved back home living room aside going place family would force emotionally manipulate go worsened mental health mum keep putting pressure go spa something even though tell good mental health try manipulate guilt trip thing friend sister ask last year university last semester became mute forgot talk people alone isolated socially awkward shy self esteem confidence none existent prefer alone necessarily enjoy company prefer around others happy lockdown happened meant everyone stuck home like could miserable together summer coming least favourite season everyone laughing good time always home alone want live way depressed anxious suicidal want live enjoy life remaining 0 turn month like step start take confident self loving go also sort thing find friend boyfriend please suggest online dating reason download apps phone anymore -"I’ve had about 3 panic attacks in the past 24 hours. I took .5 mg of Xanax which usually will alleviate some physical symptoms. I have not had a case where it hasn’t, yet this time the chest pain is sticking around and I can’t seem to get rid of it. - -Anyone else have similar issues or any methods of relief?",1,panic attack past hour took mg xanax usually alleviate physical symptom case yet time chest pain sticking around seem get rid anyone else similar issue method relief -,1,nan -yep that’s it.,1,yep -"Is it mostly in your thoughts? Mostly in your body, or both? If it is in your body, where is it centered? Does it feel like a buzz or suffocating? -Sorry for all the questions, I’m just curious about… all of us!",1,mostly thought mostly body body centered feel like buzz suffocating sorry question curious u -"Tomorrow morning my 15 month old son and I fly out of state for a month. I’ve only flown once when I was 13 and that was with my entire family. Now I’m 25, and I’m flying alone for the first time let alone with my son. So I’m carrying his car seat, his stroller, a big luggage, a small luggage, and a diaper bag. The airport here is ginormous, it was just remodeled and everyone just talks about how it takes an hour to walk to their gate. I’m really stressing out, I’ve had my anxiety under control super well lately but this is kind of beating me up. I just hope it goes well, I hope we make the flight and my son does well on it and doesn’t get scared. Thankfully it’s only a two hour flight but still.",1,tomorrow morning month old son fly state month flown entire family flying alone first time let alone son carrying car seat stroller big luggage small luggage diaper bag airport ginormous remodeled everyone talk take hour walk gate really stressing anxiety control super well lately kind beating hope go well hope make flight son well get scared thankfully two hour flight still -"On a bad day it feels as though someone has applied the vignette filter and my field of view is decreased, whilst things become a bit more blurry and less vibrant. - -My eyelids also become a bit heavier, as though I've just woken up after a nap. - -And there's a sort of foggy feeling in my forehead and behind my eyes. - -Can any of you guys relate to this or does it sound like something unrelated to anxiety?",1,bad day feel though someone applied vignette filter field view decreased whilst thing become bit blurry le vibrant eyelid also become bit heavier though woken nap sort foggy feeling forehead behind eye guy relate sound like something unrelated anxiety -"This isn’t for me it’s for my niece (16), I’ve got anxiety and get panic attacks and she’s got it too and is having a panic attack right now and I have no idea what the fuck to do so someone help me please, I can’t call her mum as she’s on a flight or her sister who is like about to have a baby so someone tell me what I should do? I’m freaking the fuck out because I know my coping mechanisms will not help her whatsoever",1,niece got anxiety get panic attack got panic attack right idea fuck someone help please call mum flight sister like baby someone tell freaking fuck know coping mechanism help whatsoever -"Hi! I’m new here. I have a phobia or heavy anxiety about not being remembered after death and not mattering after death. I know nothing really matters but there’s this primal anxiety I feel from it that I cannot shake I recently started to look at it a little differently that made me feel a little teeny better but is this normal? - -Edit: also I recently developed a fear of dying suddenly. Just some recent medical diagnosis sound scary and I haven’t lived with them for long so I don’t know what the new ‘normal’ is",1,hi new phobia heavy anxiety remembered death mattering death know nothing really matter primal anxiety feel shake recently started look little differently made feel little teeny better normal edit also recently developed fear dying suddenly recent medical diagnosis sound scary lived long know new normal -"This town is causing me depression and anxiety. I lived here my whole life and I only have bad memories here (abuse, bullying etc.) I even have trouble walking and breathing because of the stress. I need to leave because it's making my depression worse. I tried to talk about it with my psychiatrist but she dismissed it. Isn't she suppose to help me get out of here?",1,town causing depression anxiety lived whole life bad memory abuse bullying etc even trouble walking breathing stress need leave making depression worse tried talk psychiatrist dismissed suppose help get -"I’ve been feeling lightheadedness for at least two weeks, it’s starting to make my anxiety worse, I’m feeling things like chest and neck pain and it’s making me freak out. I used to have really bad panic attacks and I still have a couple Xanax from when my doctor gave me a few to deal with the worst of it. I know one of the Side effects of Xanax is dizziness, should I be taking it if I’m already feeling lightheaded?",1,feeling lightheadedness least two week starting make anxiety worse feeling thing like chest neck pain making freak used really bad panic attack still couple xanax doctor gave deal worst know one side effect xanax dizziness taking already feeling lightheaded -"Earlier today my mom used a defuser on my hair because it’s getting shaggier so the curls are much thicker thus not popping out as much. As she was doing it I started to feel dizzy, couldn’t hear, vision got worse and I nearly blacked out. I don’t know what the cause for this is so yeah I’m posting this. Idk if this is the right sub for this but it’s worth a shot.",1,earlier today mom used defuser hair getting shaggier curl much thicker thus popping much started feel dizzy hear vision got worse nearly blacked know cause yeah posting idk right sub worth shot -"Recently was diagnosed with GAD, and though I kind of knew I had some sort of anxiety disorder my whole life, being diagnosed motivated me to stop avoiding and confront everything. I started going to therapy, and I learned a lot about myself. But the more I practice mindfulness the more I’ve come to hate myself. I’ve spent my whole life constantly caring so much about what others thought of me, that I never stepped out of my comfort zone. I feel like I have no sense of self identity. I convinced myself throughout high school that I was okay being alone and bypassed a bunch of opportunities. I would’ve never admitted it out loud before but I realized have such a low-self esteem. Most problems I have created in my life is a result of me. It’s not like I didn’t know this from before hand but admitting it has made the thoughts more prevalent. I don’t know why I feel worse in this sense after getting a diagnosis :(",1,recently diagnosed gad though kind knew sort anxiety disorder whole life diagnosed motivated stop avoiding confront everything started going therapy learned lot practice mindfulness come hate spent whole life constantly caring much others thought never stepped comfort zone feel like sense self identity convinced throughout high school okay alone bypassed bunch opportunity would never admitted loud realized low self esteem problem created life result like know hand admitting made thought prevalent know feel worse sense getting diagnosis -"Hi all, - -I'm currently living through a nightmare situation and my anxiety is going through the roof. I need some advice, but mostly support. - -Me and my partner took a short trip to Rome after a trip to England where I attended my sister's wedding. We're both from the US and flew quite far. I have a massive fear of flying, but having my partner there to hold my hand helped a lot. - -We were supposed to go back to the US today, but were surprised at the airport when we were told we needed a negative COVID test along with our vaccination cards. We ran downstairs to get tested and... mine came back positive, while hers came back negative. - -The Italian government required that I came with them and quarantine for seven days in a hotel. My partner wasn't allowed to come -- we had to separate, and she went on a different plane back home because there was no reason to stay in Rome for a ton of money when she wasn't allowed to see me at all. I was taken away in a van with dudes in hazmat suits and placed in this quarantine hotel by myself. - -The hotel isn't bad, they give me plenty of food and water and it's free (luckily) for me to stay here but... I cannot stop crying. I've been here for hours and I just can't stop. I'm so scared. I don't know when I'll be out of here, so I can't time the end of my quarantine with another plane going back home, and I'm so so so scared. I'll have to get home on my own somehow in a foreign country where people don't speak English very fluently. - -I'm stuck in this one room for six more days. If I don't calm down somehow, I think I'll lose my mind. I may try some Yoga and watch as many videos on my phone as I can, but I have so much time to do nothing but stew in my anxiety and cry and cry and cry. I want to go home. I feel so sad. - -Advice would be helpful, and support as well. I have a lot of people looking out for me but I know no one in Italy at the moment, so I feel very much alone right now. - -(And, in case anyone is wondering, my COVID symptoms aren't bad at all. Only symptom is a runny nose. What's troubling me most right now is my extreme anxiety and stress).",1,hi currently living nightmare situation anxiety going roof need advice mostly support partner took short trip rome trip england attended sister wedding u flew quite far massive fear flying partner hold hand helped lot supposed go back u today surprised airport told needed negative covid test along vaccination card ran downstairs get tested mine came back positive came back negative italian government required came quarantine seven day hotel partner allowed come separate went different plane back home reason stay rome ton money allowed see taken away van dude hazmat suit placed quarantine hotel hotel bad give plenty food water free luckily stay stop cry hour stop scared know time end quarantine another plane going back home scared get home somehow foreign country people speak english fluently stuck one room six day calm somehow think lose mind may try yoga watch many video phone much time nothing stew anxiety cry cry cry want go home feel sad advice would helpful support well lot people looking know one italy moment feel much alone right case anyone wondering covid symptom bad symptom runny nose troubling right extreme anxiety stress -"Hey guys, been lurking on here for a while but finally here to make my first post. Trigger Warning: Talk of suicidal ideation. Ironically enough, it's anxiety that prevented me from ever posting. But we're doing it now. - -I never struggled with anxiety very badly before the pandemic. I was in my first year of college and life has always been good to me. But last year after I went back to school for my second year, things never felt quite the same. I now realize it was general anxiety, but it was kind of scary. I was always stressed, sometimes I wouldn't be able to fall asleep at night for a few days in a row, everything I did (or didn't do) felt like a huge deal. Then I had my first panic attack and severe anxiety attacks in the early spring and I finally looked into what was going on. I talked about it with friends and family and that has helped me get through it. Then this fall came. I was working 45-50 hours a week while being a full-time math student on the side. The anxiety was worse than it had ever been. The level of generalized anxiety was heightened, and the anxiety attacks on the side would sometimes push me to suicidal ideation. I reached out to on-campus treatment and had an appointment scheduled, but it got pushed back due to the building that the mental health was in being closed for a water pipe breaking and the second date didn't work in my busy schedule so I cancelled it. - -It's been a few months since then and my anxiety has gotten better, but still not in a good place. I've gotten really good at normalizing my anxiety, telling myself everyone deals with this like I do. But after coming home for spring break and talking to my sister and a hometown friend, I realize that this is not normal. As they both reminded me that there are resources for me that I should pursue, I'm finally scheduled for counseling next week and am really looking forward to hopefully getting a treatment plan to work through this all!",1,hey guy lurking finally make first post trigger warning talk suicidal ideation ironically enough anxiety prevented ever posting never struggled anxiety badly pandemic first year college life always good last year went back school second year thing never felt quite realize general anxiety kind scary always stressed sometimes able fall asleep night day row everything felt like huge deal first panic attack severe anxiety attack early spring finally looked going talked friend family helped get fall came working 0 hour week full time math student side anxiety worse ever level generalized anxiety heightened anxiety attack side would sometimes push suicidal ideation reached campus treatment appointment scheduled got pushed back due building mental health closed water pipe breaking second date work busy schedule cancelled month since anxiety gotten better still good place gotten really good normalizing anxiety telling everyone deal like coming home spring break talking sister hometown friend realize normal reminded resource pursue finally scheduled counseling next week really looking forward hopefully getting treatment plan work -,1,nan -"I feel like I’m in a simulation,game,movie etc when I was doin intake at Helen Ross McNabb the lady told me it was depersonalization,I don’t kno how to feel abt it but I also don’t want to be one of those ppl who say they have something when they don’t yk idk if that’s what it is or whatever,it kinda scares me inna way bc I think about stuff from the past n think did that rlly happen? Like could this rlly be all fake ? I’m kinda stuck the only thing that helps in when I’m on the game or something:/",1,feel like simulation game movie etc doin intake helen ross mcnabb lady told depersonalization kno feel abt also want one ppl say something yk idk whatever kinda scare inna way bc think stuff past n think rlly happen like could rlly fake kinda stuck thing help game something -"I’m worried that they’re going to think that I was lying and that I’m going to get into some trouble. For the past 3 months I had like 4 or 5 refunds because the Amazon drivers keep putting my packages outside my gate when they’re suppose to put it inside. This led to my packages getting stolen. Recently it happened again, I couldn’t find my package but it turns out my mom brought it in earlier and placed it somewhere and forgot tell me. What do I do?",1,worried going think lying going get trouble past month like refund amazon driver keep putting package outside gate suppose put inside led package getting stolen recently happened find package turn mom brought earlier placed somewhere forgot tell -I feel like my left side of the chest like moves everytime likes it keeps vibrating is it normal?,1,feel like left side chest like move everytime like keep vibrating normal -"I feel like I’ve got no energy left to give, or to keep up appearances. Like even responding to folks when they ask simple questions feels like lifting a 500lb weight, I’m exhausted and can’t handle the thought of any kind of interaction. I’m so lonely but so utterly worn out from being anxious to manage the effort. Can anyone relate?",1,feel like got energy left give keep appearance like even responding folk ask simple question feel like lifting 00lb weight exhausted handle thought kind interaction lonely utterly worn anxious manage effort anyone relate -"I have been trying to drop in on a ramp. Every time I do it, in the last second I lean back and fall. I can simulate it in my head but my fear or anxiety prevents me. - -I literally went skydiving last week but I cannot get myself to do a simple trick. I’ve fallen plenty of times so what’s the worst thing that can happen. - -It’s weird how fear is relative. I go skydiving one week and the next week I get nervous while driving or when talking to a girl. One has more fatal consequences while the other one just makes me nervous. I want to conquer all fears but trying new things is always stressful.",1,trying drop ramp every time last second lean back fall simulate head fear anxiety prevents literally went skydiving last week get simple trick fallen plenty time worst thing happen weird fear relative go skydiving one week next week get nervous driving talking girl one fatal consequence one make nervous want conquer fear trying new thing always stressful -"My house had a flood one day when I was home alone. It was really scary in the moment. Water running down the walls and moving faster than I could handle on my own. It wasn't terribly bad, but damaged our basement floors so my Husband and I had to move everything upstairs. - -We waited for insurance to approve the claim and then decided my Husband would do the work himself to save some funds. Before we bought the supplies, we both got covid. Thankfully, his symptoms were minimal but it was not a fun battle for me. I managed to stay out of hospital, but I was sick for 3 months. The family friend we contracted covid from died. We also experienced another significant family death during this time, not covid related. - -My Husband then ran into several setbacks with the flooring. All together, by the time the basement was put back together it had been 6 months. 6 months of extra furniture, boxes, Christmas decorations, gaming equipment and other junk all over the house in a jumbled mess. A good chunk of the 6 months I was sick, grieving, slowly recovering and isolated because of lockdowns. I also lost all my front gardening work by the contractors digging up and water proofing our window wells. - -Ever since, I find my anxiety goes through the roof whenever I hear heavy rain. I used to find it really soothing but now I start to panic about flooding happening again, or just something bad in general. I can't focus on anything other than waiting for it to stop. - -Anyone else feel this way about storms?",1,house flood one day home alone really scary moment water running wall moving faster could handle terribly bad damaged basement floor husband move everything upstairs waited insurance approve claim decided husband would work save fund bought supply got covid thankfully symptom minimal fun battle managed stay hospital sick month family friend contracted covid died also experienced another significant family death time covid related husband ran several setback flooring together time basement put back together month month extra furniture box christmas decoration gaming equipment junk house jumbled mess good chunk month sick grieving slowly recovering isolated lockdown also lost front gardening work contractor digging water proofing window well ever since find anxiety go roof whenever hear heavy rain used find really soothing start panic flooding happening something bad general focus anything waiting stop anyone else feel way storm -"Been having some off and on anxiety tonite and this old school hippie gave me a roach (kinda used joint, in the weed community) and I’m like; cool. - -I take a hit and it tasted like ass. Extinguished it, and put it away. Breathing now... i looked inside the joint paper and it was like brown and I worried if the joint was old/moldy also smoked some ‘okay’ weed I think I’m okay? I hope? Just anxious and like WTF",1,anxiety tonite old school hippie gave roach kinda used joint weed community like cool take hit tasted like as extinguished put away breathing looked inside joint paper like brown worried joint old moldy also smoked okay weed think okay hope anxious like wtf -"I am 17 years old (5'1 and 98 pounds) and for the past few days I've been having this weird chest pain. It's right in the center of my chest (kind of lower tho like in between my breasts) and it feels like a dull ache, discomfort feeling. It's not burning at all and doesn't hurt a lot, but it feels strange like a little ache with some tightness? - -It only lasts less than a minute, but happens about three times a day. It happens when I'm sitting down and it happened this morning when I was laying in bed about to get up. - -I suffer from bad health anxiety and am scared that this is angina (based on what i've heard about it), and there is something wrong with my heart. I had holter monitors and ecg's in the past that came out normal, but im scared things changed from there. This keeps happening and I'm so scared :(",1,year old 9 pound past day weird chest pain right center chest kind lower tho like breast feel like dull ache discomfort feeling burning hurt lot feel strange like little ache tightness last le minute happens three time day happens sitting happened morning laying bed get suffer bad health anxiety scared angina based heard something wrong heart holter monitor ecg past came normal im scared thing changed keep happening scared -" Hello everyone, I just want to share a quick post with you all, Anxiety is such a disabling state to be in, it crushed my life for some time, causing a series of tragedies in my life. - -I was able to cure myself completely of all anxiety, forever. Because I did it I know all can do it. It takes mental sacrifice and self-discipline. - -First, I found that Anxiety is closely related to thoughts. Thoughts of the past and thoughts of the future. I sat in silence for a long time, watching the thoughts, the emotions that came with it. Until I realized, that thought do one thing.. they take you out of reality.. - -Reality is NOW. NOW in this very moment. A thought carries a tag with it. A tag of ""Past"" or ""Future."" Something will not go right in the future for you, something terrible may happen.. How do I avoid this impending disaster, what will I do... - -I found that when these thoughts occurred, nothing terrible was actually happening to me. we are only imagining something terrible happening. It is almost like daydreaming, it is not real. Further, it goes against reality, the future is not here. Only NOW is here. Whatever now is for you, maybe this laptop, a screen, a wall, an iphone in a car, that's where you really ARE. Bring yourself to the present moment, where you are always real, true and safe. Similarly, with the past, it doesn't exist. Now I know you will say it does, but when you think of anything in the past, you are imagining it NOW. Remembering is imagining, it is a thought. If you don't believe me, go in the mirror, look at yourself and tell me if you have any past hanging off of you, do you see it anywhere? Do you see the future anywhere? Or do you just see yourself NOW as you are. Safe, in the mirror. - -Thoughts are not you, they are seen by you, and you have the power to simply ignore it. If it sucks you in, become conscious of the NOW, where you can bring yourself back to safety. - -Lastly, I found out the greatest Truth in the universe through spiritual contemplation, meditation, stillness and surrender. I found that this world and my body are not who I am, that I am the Light that shines on all experience, the Light that illuminates thoughts and even illuminates my body. My identity shifted behind me, to the great mystery of Life. I now know, that whatever happens, is not under my control in life, I am just the Light, and this Light embraces and becomes everything in the universe, Aye, the universe is contained in this LIGHT!! and we are IT! Therefore, whatever may happen to my body, to my illusory identity, its totally fine, because ""I"" have always been here, and will always be here. So will you, because it is all One thing. - -You cannot be told this, or learn it. You just have to find yourself, or rather, Lose yourself, your identity, your beliefs. It is a process of humility, humbleness, internal poverty and surrender. - -Become nothing, and you will find that you are Everything that ever is, was or shall be. You are all safe everywhere. Blessings and love for you all.",1,hello everyone want share quick post anxiety disabling state crushed life time causing series tragedy life able cure completely anxiety forever know take mental sacrifice self discipline first found anxiety closely related thought thought past thought future sat silence long time watching thought emotion came realized thought one thing take reality reality moment thought carry tag tag past future something go right future something terrible may happen avoid impending disaster found thought occurred nothing terrible actually happening imagining something terrible happening almost like daydreaming real go reality future whatever maybe laptop screen wall iphone car really bring present moment always real true safe similarly past exist know say think anything past imagining remembering imagining thought believe go mirror look tell past hanging see anywhere see future anywhere see safe mirror thought seen power simply ignore suck become conscious bring back safety lastly found greatest truth universe spiritual contemplation meditation stillness surrender found world body light shine experience light illuminates thought even illuminates body identity shifted behind great mystery life know whatever happens control life light light embrace becomes everything universe aye universe contained light therefore whatever may happen body illusory identity totally fine always always one thing told learn find rather lose identity belief process humility humbleness internal poverty surrender become nothing find everything ever shall safe everywhere blessing love -Anyone else suffer heart palpitations? Ive had them for 5 days now and feel extremely scary and wish they would go away. Ive had them before a while ago and now they are back to annoy me. I have a doctors appointment on Wednesday but im not sure i can wait,1,anyone else suffer heart palpitation ive day feel extremely scary wish would go away ive ago back annoy doctor appointment wednesday im sure wait -"i’ve been feeling this way for close to a year at this point, but it has gotten worst within the last few weeks. i feel that i am unable to calm down and i’m in a constant state of panic. at first i passed this off as just stress from school from being behind on assignments, but i’m all caught up with work now and i just feel even worse. my heart has been racing for literal hours and this kind of thing happens way too regularly -now. i’m also really struggling from being in recovery from an eating disorder and i’ve struggled with depression really badly for about a year. about a year ago i also went through a traumatic event that causes me to panic whenever i hear any urgent voices from another room. im just so done with feeling this way and keeping it to myself all the time and i want some validation for my stress.",1,feeling way close year point gotten worst within last week feel unable calm constant state panic first passed stress school behind assignment caught work feel even worse heart racing literal hour kind thing happens way regularly also really struggling recovery eating disorder struggled depression really badly year year ago also went traumatic event cause panic whenever hear urgent voice another room im done feeling way keeping time want validation stress -"Anybody else experience feeling scared of your own mind? Or wanting distraction from your own self? I feel like everyday it’s a battle where I need to try to stay sane or find distractions. I feel like if I don’t find a distraction I might go crazy. But if I do find distractions, I feel like I’m giving in to the anxiety. I’m so tired.",1,anybody else experience feeling scared mind wanting distraction self feel like everyday battle need try stay sane find distraction feel like find distraction might go crazy find distraction feel like giving anxiety tired -"I've suffered with anxiety all my life, been on multiple medications from a young age just to try and make my life more manageable. I've grown up, because an adult yet I still spend days in bed and crying because my anxiety is just so bad. I wake up with the heavy feeling of dread all the time, and find even the most minor inconveniences barely managable, let alone the big ones which entirely crush me. I have no idea how to help it anymore. I drink alcohol regularly because that's the only things that helps my mind to hush and stop beating me up about everything I do wrong, for just a little while. Any tips from anyone would be most appreciated!",1,suffered anxiety life multiple medication young age try make life manageable grown adult yet still spend day bed cry anxiety bad wake heavy feeling dread time find even minor inconvenience barely managable let alone big one entirely crush idea help anymore drink alcohol regularly thing help mind hush stop beating everything wrong little tip anyone would appreciated -"I’m so fucking anxious all the time, it’s killing me. I felt great last august, no panic attacks for over a year and my social anxiety disappeared so I came off my meds. Within 4 weeks I was back on them and haven’t been right since. - -The trazodone stopped working, so I went on mirtazapine and gained 2 stone in as many months so I came off that and went on agomelatine, my anxiety was increasing severely so my gp put me back on Trazodone on the 3rd March (but only after keeping me on agomelatine for 6 weeks which is basically a placebo pill). - -I’ve been in a&e 4 times in 2 weeks having a panic attack, they give me like 1 2mg tablet of diazepam and send me on my way. My gp refuses to give me any even though it’s so severe I can’t get out of bed, never mind leave the house. - -I don’t know what to do, these levels of terror aren’t sustainable and nobody seems to want to help or prescribe me the one thing that helps. I’m also in the UK, which is awful for mental health services. No techniques help because I’m so anxious I can’t think about anything else other than heart attacks and dying with it. - -I’m so tired.",1,fucking anxious time killing felt great last august panic attack year social anxiety disappeared came med within week back right since trazodone stopped working went mirtazapine gained stone many month came went agomelatine anxiety increasing severely gp put back trazodone rd march keeping agomelatine week basically placebo pill amp e time week panic attack give like mg tablet diazepam send way gp refuse give even though severe get bed never mind leave house know level terror sustainable nobody seems want help prescribe one thing help also uk awful mental health service technique help anxious think anything else heart attack dying tired -"I’m always scared of getting dvt but usually tell myself it’s not it and move on. I do get leg pain from working a desk job and have had 2 leg ultrasound in the last year that were clear. I usually tell myself if it’s a symptom I’ve felt before I’m fine. - -Just started a work from home job where walk less(I get up every hour but walking around the house is very different than a large office building) and my leg has been hurting which isn’t new but I happened to look at where it hurts and it’s the area right below my knee cap, on the inner part of my leg (aka the part that could touch the other leg when I’m standing). - -I noticed there is slight swelling there. Idk if swelling is even the right term since it’s not hot or red but def sticks out more than the other side maybe about half an inch more which is new considering I’ve in the past looked for swelling. As I mentioned before it’s not hot or red but I am worried yet don’t want to cry wolf and get a 3rd ultrasound in the last year. I should mention I have an autoimmune disease that can put me at risk for blood clots but thankfully have had no issues prior. - -I don’t want to bother my dr again but also don’t want this to be the time I actually have it since I’ve never seen swelling on my leg before.",1,always scared getting dvt usually tell move get leg pain working desk job leg ultrasound last year clear usually tell symptom felt fine started work home job walk le get every hour walking around house different large office building leg hurting new happened look hurt area right knee cap inner part leg aka part could touch leg standing noticed slight swelling idk swelling even right term since hot red def stick side maybe half inch new considering past looked swelling mentioned hot red worried yet want cry wolf get rd ultrasound last year mention autoimmune disease put risk blood clot thankfully issue prior want bother dr also want time actually since never seen swelling leg -"So...I got depression + anxiety and the debilitating I can't do ish type. I am currently procrastinating on an assignment I need to do fast. Help. - - - -Also, do you guys feel like you have an almost physical pain due to all this stuff that you try to avoid facing?",1,got depression anxiety debilitating ish type currently procrastinating assignment need fast help also guy feel like almost physical pain due stuff try avoid facing -"my childhood cat died in a horrible accident while no one was in a room and I saw all the aftermath happen when I ran into the room. I've had anxiety of slamming doors, books, heavy objects in general ever since. -a few days ago, my dad was working on my car since it has leak and the doors were open. our other cats are free to go outside and they were out and about since it was nice. well my dad got done working on the car and closed the doors. later he asks me to put the car in the garage. I go and start the car, open the garage, and begin pulling forward. just then I hear two raspy meows and all the blood rushes from me, I almost start crying I'm hyperventilating, I jump out of my car and check under the tires but no one is there. my cat jumps onto my dashboard from the backseat of the car. I'm so horrified at this point but begin to calm down knowing shes okay, and that my dad accidentally locked her in the car for a little bit. I'm glad shes safe, but ever since then I've had nightmares of running over my cat (with the gory imagery coming from my first cats death) and those meows (my cats voice is naturally like that) but sounding more in pain and raspy. I dont know why, I'm so scared. i dont even want to drive anymore because of this. I always double click my lock button before I unlock and get in so that my car beeps and scares away anything, my parents get mad at me for doing it in the morning. I'm so scared of another accident, what do I do?",1,childhood cat died horrible accident one room saw aftermath happen ran room anxiety slamming door book heavy object general ever since day ago dad working car since leak door open cat free go outside since nice well dad got done working car closed door later asks put car garage go start car open garage begin pulling forward hear two raspy meow blood rush almost start cry hyperventilating jump car check tire one cat jump onto dashboard backseat car horrified point begin calm knowing shes okay dad accidentally locked car little bit glad shes safe ever since nightmare running cat gory imagery coming first cat death meow cat voice naturally like sounding pain raspy dont know scared dont even want drive anymore always double click lock button unlock get car beep scare away anything parent get mad morning scared another accident -"So I’ve been working steadily since I was 18, I’m 23 now. I’ve been dealing with anxiety/panic disorder the entire time. I used to have it mostly under control, enough that it didn’t usually affect my work, social life, etc. But it has gotten really bad. I’ve been calling in sick a lot. I worked a five hour shift yesterday and I was having a panic attack by the time my gf picked me up. I just don’t think I’m physically or mentally capable of working right now. But I have rent to pay and I can’t afford to be unemployed. So I’m wondering if anybody here has gotten disability assistance for their anxiety/panic attacks, and how I might go about doing that.",1,working steadily since dealing anxiety panic disorder entire time used mostly control enough usually affect work social life etc gotten really bad calling sick lot worked five hour shift yesterday panic attack time gf picked think physically mentally capable working right rent pay afford unemployed wondering anybody gotten disability assistance anxiety panic attack might go -"has anyone been on this for anxiety? im currently on 50mg of lamictal and my anxiety’s been getting worse. my psych prescribed hydroxyzine but im only able to take it at night as it either knocks me out or leads to more physical feelings of anxiety (tightness in my chest and headaches). -his only other option he talked about was an anti-anxiety (buspar!) taken everyday but i really want an as needed (i take 15 pills a day and ssris/snris are not an option i also dont deal with anxiety daily but rather panic attacks/anxiety attacks that occur randomly) -i guess im wondering how anyone here would describe hydroxyzine in comparison to benzos? has anyone been on both before and have an insight to which may be better? (i understand the risks i just want some honest info about your experience in what helps) -thank you in advance!",1,anyone anxiety im currently 0mg lamictal anxiety getting worse psych prescribed hydroxyzine im able take night either knock lead physical feeling anxiety tightness chest headache option talked anti anxiety buspar taken everyday really want needed take pill day ssri snris option also dont deal anxiety daily rather panic attack anxiety attack occur randomly guess im wondering anyone would describe hydroxyzine comparison benzos anyone insight may better understand risk want honest info experience help thank advance -"I feel like I have had this crap since I was young and depending on whether or not I can convince myself everything will be okay is where my anxiety levels are. I am constantly plagued by my own thoughts about dying and more specifically what happens after and the wonderful memories throughout my life that will just be gone. I love life so strongly. The sunrises and sunsets. The connections with family, friends, my husband, potentially future children (that I've been holding off on until I can come to some sort of conclusion with this anxiety) and the companionship of animals. Sometimes I spiral into panic over it and just don't know how I'm going to keep doing this for the rest of my life. The anxiety is so bad that I would say at this point I have depression that I've never felt was a label that has matched me in the past. Does anyone have any kind words or advice or anything? Has anyone had success with finding their way out of this anxiety? I'm not religious but I am spiritual and look at life very factually and scientifically. This is just one thing that I don't have very good answers to or hope about.",1,feel like crap since young depending whether convince everything okay anxiety level constantly plagued thought dying specifically happens wonderful memory throughout life gone love life strongly sunrise sunset connection family friend husband potentially future child holding come sort conclusion anxiety companionship animal sometimes spiral panic know going keep rest life anxiety bad would say point depression never felt label matched past anyone kind word advice anything anyone success finding way anxiety religious spiritual look life factually scientifically one thing good answer hope -"I’ve been feeling anxious and stressed out lately which usually causes me to have chest and pain in the middle of my back. Now, I looked up my symptoms on Google (I know, I know, big mistake) and apparently my symptoms mostly align with a condition called “stable” angina. This condition can lead to unstable angina, which can be fatal. I’ve gotten at least 4 EKGs done in the past 6 months or so and they have all been normal. But I’m still scared that maybe my body just can’t handle stress and is slowly shutting down. I don’t know. Has anyone else here experienced anything like this?",1,feeling anxious stressed lately usually cause chest pain middle back looked symptom google know know big mistake apparently symptom mostly align condition called stable angina condition lead unstable angina fatal gotten least ekg done past month normal still scared maybe body handle stress slowly shutting know anyone else experienced anything like -"The past three days ive experimented with 2 milligram klonipin everyday. Its made me see life from a different view. Ive never been able to talk to people, talk on the phone, make eye contact, talk to a girl and im in constant edge. The klonopin has helped durastucally today I applied for three jobs, called 4 places asking to hire and was able to make confident eye contact. Can I be on klonipin long term? It helps so much I really believe I have the worlds worst anxiety my brain is on like turbo mode all day without it.",1,past three day ive experimented milligram klonipin everyday made see life different view ive never able talk people talk phone make eye contact talk girl im constant edge klonopin helped durastucally today applied three job called place asking hire able make confident eye contact klonipin long term help much really believe world worst anxiety brain like turbo mode day without -"Ah yes this is how it feels to walk around without a serpent in your stomach, interact with strangers without overthinking every word you say, focus on what’s in front of you rather than what’s swirling inside your mind, to feel optimistic and excited. - -Days like today almost knock me off balance because I hardly recognise myself when I’m completely free of anxiety aka when my atavistic survival mechanism is functioning correctly and not just making things worse - -The fact that some people live like this 24/7 makes me unbelievably envious",1,ah yes feel walk around without serpent stomach interact stranger without overthinking every word say focus front rather swirling inside mind feel optimistic excited day like today almost knock balance hardly recognise completely free anxiety aka atavistic survival mechanism functioning correctly making thing worse fact people live like make unbelievably envious -"in the last month, i started with a new therapist as my anxiety has been the worst it ever has in like ten years. up until now, i was able to go medication free and just deal with things little by little through talk therapy. now it’s like i’m 17 again and all the scary physical side effects of anxiety are hurling back through my life. my therapist asked me: how do you know you’re having anxiety before your physical symptoms (for me it’s a lot of shaking in arms legs and jaw, getting really flushed, skin picking tics, heart racing) get uncontrollable? and i couldn’t answer her question because like… i don’t know i’m having anxiety until i get those big red flag physical cues. what are some smaller physical cues you get before you get more extreme ones?",1,last month started new therapist anxiety worst ever like ten year able go medication free deal thing little little talk therapy like scary physical side effect anxiety hurling back life therapist asked know anxiety physical symptom lot shaking arm leg jaw getting really flushed skin picking tic heart racing get uncontrollable answer question like know anxiety get big red flag physical cue smaller physical cue get get extreme one -"Two days ago, I got the Biontech vaccine (my third dose). On the night immediately after I got the vaccine, I had a 38 Celsius degrees fever. On the next day, it went down a bit (I think it was 37.5 ish?) but was evidently better than my first day. Today, I still felt a bit hot, and I checked my temperature to be around 37.5 as well. Yet, I don’t feel super unwell, just sometimes I would feel my body is a bit warmer than usual. May I ask if this is okay? People say that if your fever does not go away 48 hours after vaccination something is wrong. But I don’t have any other symptoms (no pain no fatigue whatsoever). May I ask if this is something that I should be concerned about?",1,two day ago got biontech vaccine third dose night immediately got vaccine celsius degree fever next day went bit think ish evidently better first day today still felt bit hot checked temperature around well yet feel super unwell sometimes would feel body bit warmer usual may ask okay people say fever go away hour vaccination something wrong symptom pain fatigue whatsoever may ask something concerned -"Hello, my daughter is suffering from what doctors initially diagnosed as depression. We tried 3 different meds and all resulted in a flat affect and her staying in bed, eating seemingly only carbs and gaining weight. Weaning off resulted in a 17 year old thst has life but is still anxious to the point of impairment at times. She is terrified to try anxiety or ADHD meds as she does not want to end up ""flat"" (her word). I am not looking for medical advice rather I am wondering if anyone has experience with medication that did not totally remove emotion. I hope this makes sense and I thank you for reading.",1,hello daughter suffering doctor initially diagnosed depression tried different med resulted flat affect staying bed eating seemingly carbs gaining weight weaning resulted year old thst life still anxious point impairment time terrified try anxiety adhd med want end flat word looking medical advice rather wondering anyone experience medication totally remove emotion hope make sense thank reading -"I've noticed that for a few glorious minutes in the morning, right after waking up, I'm great - calm, unbothered, soft. But then I can feel stress in my body. And then I'm not sure how to get rid of it, and it builds (as anxiety does). - -How do you all get rid of body stress in the early morning?",1,noticed glorious minute morning right waking great calm unbothered soft feel stress body sure get rid build anxiety get rid body stress early morning -,1,nan -" I am Mexican and I speak Spanish I am using google translator to avoid any errors I'm 15 and I don't have social anxiety, but I do have anxiety disorder and although I know that there is nothing that can harm me physically or cause something serious since I already checked my sadness and the thought that I will never get over it I get tired and I feel that if I sleep or relax I can even die of a heart attack this is the first time I post something on reddit but I think this group can help me :(",1,mexican speak spanish using google translator avoid error social anxiety anxiety disorder although know nothing harm physically cause something serious since already checked sadness thought never get get tired feel sleep relax even die heart attack first time post something reddit think group help -Any one els see the slightest double not like seeing it bad but In a mild way like hard to focus on looking at things like ur fingers for example if u have does it ever go away I got it from being derealized for a year n a half im not extremely derealized any more but it’s slightly their but if u have experienced this what did u do to help it im gonna start going to therapy to find the root to my issues soon how did u guys benefit from therapy? I’m exited I’m just constantly questioning every thing n feeling scared I just wish I could feel normal again I’m constantly anxious I hate being in car and just being any where in general,1,one el see slightest double like seeing bad mild way like hard focus looking thing like ur finger example u ever go away got derealized year n half im extremely derealized slightly u experienced u help im gon na start going therapy find root issue soon u guy benefit therapy exited constantly questioning every thing n feeling scared wish could feel normal constantly anxious hate car general -"Everyone tells me to go outside, but for years, I get nervous. Who will I run into? What will I say if my neighbors stop to chat with me? Even putting all that aside. Even if none of those things happen, I am still anxious.",1,everyone tell go outside year get nervous run say neighbor stop chat even putting aside even none thing happen still anxious -"Besides taking deep breaths, what else can I do?",1,besides taking deep breath else -"I have a constant fear that I’m going to have cardiac arrest or a fatal arrhythmia.. I (26F; in good health) just got back from the gym and it was GREAT. Now I’m in my car about to get lunch and BAM. My anxiety kicked in and my heart started beating soo fast (honestly it probs only beating 100bpm) and all I can think about is what if I die from a cardiac event.. I’m on beta blockers literally for my anxiety and am in therapy, but sometimes these thoughts happen from time to time and it’s frustrating… I have no real problems with my heart and it’s all in my head but sometimes I just wish it would turn off :,)",1,constant fear going cardiac arrest fatal arrhythmia f good health got back gym great car get lunch bam anxiety kicked heart started beating soo fast honestly probs beating 00bpm think die cardiac event beta blocker literally anxiety therapy sometimes thought happen time time frustrating real problem heart head sometimes wish would turn -"Last November I had a week where I was so scared of death I couldn’t sleep, eat, drink, do anything - I have a lot of anxiety and this was just another one of those things which bothers me every so often, but a lot more intense at that point. - -Maybe 5-6 days go by, I’m so scared I decide to get really high to forget about it. Not a great idea but nothing goes bad. - -2 days later I start to have really really intense muscle twitching. It made my anxiety so bad I had to go go A&E as I couldn’t breathe. - -Fast forward 5 months later and I’m still twitching every 5-10 seconds. Haven’t used any drugs in that time until the last week or two. I’ve noticed it makes the twitching way worse when high if I’m anxious at all, but if I’m not anxious the twitching is the same as normal. So I’m pretty sure it is anxiety related. (Have had blood tests done for deficiency’s and nothing) - -I also had a test done which told me I’m producing 2-3 times the normal amount of adrenaline constantly, pretty sure this is the cause. - -I have no idea what to do and how to stop this and it’s driving me insane. -I’m trying to get anxiety meds but I have no official anxiety diagnosis, so I’m not sure if I even can. I’ve got a doctors appointment… earliest they could do is in a month and a half. -Could anyone help me on what to do?",1,last november week scared death sleep eat drink anything lot anxiety another one thing bother every often lot intense point maybe day go scared decide get really high forget great idea nothing go bad day later start really really intense muscle twitching made anxiety bad go go amp e breathe fast forward month later still twitching every 0 second used drug time last week two noticed make twitching way worse high anxious anxious twitching normal pretty sure anxiety related blood test done deficiency nothing also test done told producing time normal amount adrenaline constantly pretty sure cause idea stop driving insane trying get anxiety med official anxiety diagnosis sure even got doctor appointment earliest could month half could anyone help -"My parents have never really cared about what I'm doing online because they trust me to be safe (plus I am a teenager so I know about internet safety and stuff), which is good because I don't like my parents knowing what I do online, and its not think in doing anything bad I just don't like my parents knowing. I don't even want them to know what shows I watch. I don't know why this is but recently I've started blocking my bedroom door with my chair (my room is very small so all I have to do is wheel my chair back slightly to block it) and when my mum comes in she always asks me why I've blocked my door, and then she asks if it because I'm watching ""naughty things"". She does always asks this in a joking way but it makes me uncomfortable. I just don't know how to tell her how uncomfortable it makes me. So any advice with telling her would help me a lot.",1,parent never really cared online trust safe plus teenager know internet safety stuff good like parent knowing online think anything bad like parent knowing even want know show watch know recently started blocking bedroom door chair room small wheel chair back slightly block mum come always asks blocked door asks watching naughty thing always asks joking way make uncomfortable know tell uncomfortable make advice telling would help lot -Can anxiety cause pain where ur heart is I’ve had ekg n been to the dr n they said I was fine but my mind thinks it something else yk,1,anxiety cause pain ur heart ekg n dr n said fine mind think something else yk -"Idk if anyone else gets this, i get anxiety poops sometimes but i also get anxiety vomits, idk if its from excessive hyperventilating when i have an attack or just from the anxiety. I get super nauseous and have no choice but to go vomit. This can happen every night if its particularly bad. Does anyone else get this? I tried looking it up and i couldn't find much regarding vomiting when having a panic/anxiety attack. Its the worst.",1,idk anyone else get get anxiety poop sometimes also get anxiety vomit idk excessive hyperventilating attack anxiety get super nauseous choice go vomit happen every night particularly bad anyone else get tried looking find much regarding vomiting panic anxiety attack worst -"I feel like I have always had anxiety/OCD, but it has never really negatively effected my life like it does now. - -It feels like it is really getting in the way of my daily life. - -Being that I made it 27 years without it having huge effects, does that mean that it can go away or will this just be my life now? - -&#x200B; - -Any thoughts that people have from experience?",1,feel like always anxiety ocd never really negatively effected life like feel like really getting way daily life made year without huge effect mean go away life amp x 00b thought people experience -"Hi. I am an 18 y/o female and I struggle with social anxiety. I am attending my last year of high school (year 13) and I've been struggling attending school lately, especially history class as I have a presentation that was due weeks ago. It's only in front of the teacher. - -I've had this teacher for maybe three years now, but I hate presenting in front of him. I had him in year 11 and 12 too in German but last year it got so bad I had to ""get help"". I even went down a grade because of my anxiety :( He's not a bad teacher or anything like that, but he has this habit of pointing and making us students talk even if we don't necessarily want or is able to, which has made me scared to attend his classes. I want to cry just thinking about it. He also doesn't give any confirmation when we present something, he just looks disappointed and it does not help at all (he does this even when we do a good job / get good grades) - -I'm also not confident about this presentation and I have barely slept these past couple of weeks because I feel bad about not going to school + I sit up wanting to try fix on it, but I never end up doing it because I just feel like I can't? It's really frustrating. It is ruing my attendance and grades in other classes too:/ - -Any advice? I am in this horrible circle and I just can't seem to get out. I almost don't even want to, but I'm scared I am going to fail history and I cannot do it all over again- it's too much :(((",1,hi female struggle social anxiety attending last year high school year struggling attending school lately especially history class presentation due week ago front teacher teacher maybe three year hate presenting front year german last year got bad get help even went grade anxiety bad teacher anything like habit pointing making u student talk even necessarily want able made scared attend class want cry thinking also give confirmation present something look disappointed help even good job get good grade also confident presentation barely slept past couple week feel bad going school sit wanting try fix never end feel like really frustrating ruing attendance grade class advice horrible circle seem get almost even want scared going fail history much -"Nowadays it’s as if my body is just tired of being anxious all the time. Like it doesn’t really care anymore. Like it’s just an annoying pest. - -I get intrusive thoughts, which fuels my anxiety and my neurosis. It seems that after dealing with it all for so long (the constant worrying, the obsessing, the hyper-fixation, the pacing back&forth, the chest pains and the dizziness, the shallow breathing), I’m just tired of it. So tired of fighting... - -My mind and body is basically starting to tell itself: -“Man, what are you even toiling over? What’s the point? Why worry about what’s not there/ what you can’t control?” - -It’s one thing when others say that kind of stuff to you, but when you realize it yourself, it hits different. - -Somehow, I’m starting to actually feel some relief for the first time in a long time. This is an interesting development in how I feel towards my mental health. I guess it’s some kind of progress? Though not the ideal way to “overcome” the anxiety, it’s better than nothing. I’m sure I’m not out of the woods yet, but hey, I’ll take it. I want my life back. - -I don’t know if anyone else has made this realization too. I’m just kind of venting. - -Keep your head-up, everyone. Stay safe out there.",1,nowadays body tired anxious time like really care anymore like annoying pest get intrusive thought fuel anxiety neurosis seems dealing long constant worrying obsessing hyper fixation pacing back amp forth chest pain dizziness shallow breathing tired tired fighting mind body basically starting tell man even toiling point worry control one thing others say kind stuff realize hit different somehow starting actually feel relief first time long time interesting development feel towards mental health guess kind progress though ideal way overcome anxiety better nothing sure wood yet hey take want life back know anyone else made realization kind venting keep head everyone stay safe -"i would know if i had a brain damage, injury, anyersum or my brain is bleeding? -in the past like 3 months ago my ex boyfriend would punch me in the head, pull my hair. one time he punched me really hard, i had a bump and a extreme headache for days. it went away. i never went to get it checked because it went away. something would have happened by then right if i was bleeding or had something going on? -from then on i been stressed. and i have headaches everyday mainly at a certain time. i been diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder. i just need reassurance. im okay right? i was playing a game on my phone all of a sudden my head started feeling really tight and weird. anyways the point is, is the stress causing it ? (he used to hit my head alot, the last time was like 2-3 months ago but before that too. other than the concussion i felt fine. would i have blacked out if it was bad enough to do damage ? i never did. i been fine. but i started having headaches reccently maybe stress? im fine right? plz give me reasssurace answer this : i would know if i had a brain bleed how long after a accident can ur brain bleed ? would i have known by now",1,would know brain damage injury anyersum brain bleeding past like month ago ex boyfriend would punch head pull hair one time punched really hard bump extreme headache day went away never went get checked went away something would happened right bleeding something going stressed headache everyday mainly certain time diagnosed anxiety panic disorder need reassurance im okay right playing game phone sudden head started feeling really tight weird anyways point stress causing used hit head alot last time like month ago concussion felt fine would blacked bad enough damage never fine started headache reccently maybe stress im fine right plz give reasssurace answer would know brain bleed long accident ur brain bleed would known -"The worst symptom of my anxiety is that I find it impossible to sleep when sharing a bed, or even a bedroom. It's like my brain won't switch off with someone else there. It has an impact on relationships, obviously, but also on just things like going on holiday with friends because it's way more expensive to have to book my own hotel room rather than share. - -Does anyone have the same issue? Has anyone found ways to fix it? I'd be ok with not sleeping as well as normal, but it's literally like the difference between 7hrs alone, and 0-3hrs with company. I can't function if I share for days in a row.",1,worst symptom anxiety find impossible sleep sharing bed even bedroom like brain switch someone else impact relationship obviously also thing like going holiday friend way expensive book hotel room rather share anyone issue anyone found way fix ok sleeping well normal literally like difference hr alone 0 hr company function share day row -"I (22) have had a lot of problems with anxiety for as long as I remember. A lot of my struggles involve health/medical anxiety. I’ve reached a point where I know I need help but I have absolutely no idea where to start. Medical environments cause me inexplicable fear and dread, so waltzing into a doctors office and saying I would like a referral for mental health care is not feasible.",1,lot problem anxiety long remember lot struggle involve health medical anxiety reached point know need help absolutely idea start medical environment cause inexplicable fear dread waltzing doctor office saying would like referral mental health care feasible -"I suffer from Anxiety and OCD. So, I went to a neuropsychiatrist who prescribed me a 1 month treatment which is : -- Paroxetine (paxil) 20 mg : he told me to start with half tablet the first 7 days then take a full one for the rest of the days. I took it at midday -- Prazepam 10 mg : half tablet at midday + the other half at night -- Clomipramine 25 mg : one tablet at night - -He didn't tell me anything about tapering off so I stopped them abruptly and ended up experiencing very bad/annoying withdrawal symptoms like: Nausea, Vomiting, Headaches, Weird sensations in my muscles, I felt my body vibrating, Vivid dreams, dizziness, Stomach pain, shaking, fatigue, Anxiety, mood change ( I felt depressed, cried a lot too) .... etc. -Litteraly a NIGHTMARE !!! - -It's been 1 week since I stopped them and the withdrawal symptoms are becoming less intense compared to the first days THANK GOD and honestly I'm never approching these medications again, I just hope the remaining symptoms dissapear too then I'll stick with therapy and herbs. -My question is, will this abrupt discontinuation have bad long lasting effects on my body, or will this all go away permanently after the withdrawal suffrance stops ? -Thanks !",1,suffer anxiety ocd went neuropsychiatrist prescribed month treatment paroxetine paxil 0 mg told start half tablet first day take full one rest day took midday prazepam 0 mg half tablet midday half night clomipramine mg one tablet night tell anything tapering stopped abruptly ended experiencing bad annoying withdrawal symptom like nausea vomiting headache weird sensation muscle felt body vibrating vivid dream dizziness stomach pain shaking fatigue anxiety mood change felt depressed cried lot etc litteraly nightmare week since stopped withdrawal symptom becoming le intense compared first day thank god honestly never approching medication hope remaining symptom dissapear stick therapy herb question abrupt discontinuation bad long lasting effect body go away permanently withdrawal suffrance stop thanks -"Even when i have logical proof that it isn't true I still can't help thinking everyone finds me annoying and hates me. - -One example of this is a guy that works in the reception of my accommodation. We get along well, we talk more often than we would need to and often about things that aren't customer-employee related. He'll asks me questions about my family and my life when he doesn't need to. In reality the only interaction we need to have is me collecting parcels or if I have problems with the accommodation, so clearly all other conversation is optional and he wouldn't talk to me if he didn't want to. - - Yet i still can't help but think he hates talking to me and would rather I just leave him alone. And yes there is the possibility that he's just putting up with me for those few minutes. But even then I know this probably isn't true as he suggested I apply for student ambassador next year and he wouldn't do that if he couldn't truly stand me because the role involves working with him for multiple hours. So why despite these solid facts, do I think he can't stand me and how do I stop thinking like this?",1,even logical proof true still help thinking everyone find annoying hate one example guy work reception accommodation get along well talk often would need often thing customer employee related asks question family life need reality interaction need collecting parcel problem accommodation clearly conversation optional talk want yet still help think hate talking would rather leave alone yes possibility putting minute even know probably true suggested apply student ambassador next year truly stand role involves working multiple hour despite solid fact think stand stop thinking like -I’m not financially stable enough right now to afford a therapist but my anxiety is really bad and since I’m going into university soon I need to get over it really soon. Can I just do exposure therapy by myself like throw myself out there and just hope for the best and possibly have multiple panic attacks,1,financially stable enough right afford therapist anxiety really bad since going university soon need get really soon exposure therapy like throw hope best possibly multiple panic attack -"Recently I broke up with my girlfriend. I’m in a deep feeling of solitude. I had a panic attack last night. She feels better, but I keep questioning my self for what I did wrong. I can’t sleep and I’m feeling very anxious. -Someone can help me?",1,recently broke girlfriend deep feeling solitude panic attack last night feel better keep questioning self wrong sleep feeling anxious someone help -"If you’d like to know my particular situation, see my last post in r/personalfinance - to summarize, I have intense anxiety about graduating college. - -I don’t think my anxiety would be so bad if it weren’t for my parents telling me how hard life is and trying to give me nonsensical advice on what I should do, such as getting an apartment before getting a job. It may be important to note that they are not “successful” adults in terms of career/finances. - -If I had to describe myself in one word these days, I’d say scared. I’m scared of so much, and most of the fear is irrational, spiraling thoughts. - -I’ve always been successful in school, but I’m so scared that adulthood is just too hard. Everyone tells me how hard it is. I think I’m making the right decisions but I’m so so so unsure of myself. - -This has been making my daily tasks really hard. Small tasks have become insurmountable. There’s phone calls I’ve been putting off, I do all my assignments right before they’re due, and, most of all, it’s so so hard to think/plan for my future after graduation. I start crying, get super brain fog, my stutter intensifies a ton, and I hyperventilate. Then I tell myself “I’m not in the right state of mind to make decisions right now, so focus on dealing with the anxiety”. So, I’m turn, I feel unprepared for my future. - -The thing is, I DO have a plan, as detailed in my last post. I feel like I’m in a fine position for someone my age/situation. I just overthink constantly. - -Thank you all for letting me rant. Please comment if you have any advice or kind words.",1,like know particular situation see last post r personalfinance summarize intense anxiety graduating college think anxiety would bad parent telling hard life trying give nonsensical advice getting apartment getting job may important note successful adult term career finance describe one word day say scared scared much fear irrational spiraling thought always successful school scared adulthood hard everyone tell hard think making right decision unsure making daily task really hard small task become insurmountable phone call putting assignment right due hard think plan future graduation start cry get super brain fog stutter intensifies ton hyperventilate tell right state mind make decision right focus dealing anxiety turn feel unprepared future thing plan detailed last post feel like fine position someone age situation overthink constantly thank letting rant please comment advice kind word -"Hello all, I am sorry I have to make a post for this I am just new to therapy and medications. My therapist prescribed me Lexapro and told me if that didn’t workout or it made me too sick or lightheaded she would switch me to Zoloft. What is the difference? All I can find is horror stories on Lexapro or people acting like it’s a miracle drug, I find the same on Zoloft. I also am in a career field that requires intensive concentration during periods of time (firefighter/paramedic) and I have heard Lexapro makes it hard to focus or concentrate. Thoughts? Comments? Concerns? Stories? All appreciated. I just need insight.",1,hello sorry make post new therapy medication therapist prescribed lexapro told workout made sick lightheaded would switch zoloft difference find horror story lexapro people acting like miracle drug find zoloft also career field requires intensive concentration period time firefighter paramedic heard lexapro make hard focus concentrate thought comment concern story appreciated need insight -"Has anyone had a panic attack for the first time (or not even necessarily for the first time but just a bad one) and it changed their anxiety/physical anxiety symptoms? - -I had my first ever proper panic attack in January of this year, it was awful and I went to A&E thinking I was dying. - -A bit over a month went by and I was fine, but then suddenly out of nowhere I got an insane head rush when I was trying to sleep. It disappeared when I opened my eyes, then came back again when I closed them. It caused me so much distress and I had no idea what it was. I was having anxiety attacks and was in a constant state of alertness and worry. - -Ever since then i’ve had constant light headedness/brain fog/just feeling completely spaced out type of feeling. I’ve been on constant alert wondering if I’m feeling dizzy/spaced out and it’s just progressively gotten worse from there. I feel tired all the time and mildly disassociated. It’s honestly ruining my life. I’ve had multiple tests done and they’ve all come back clear. - -So i’m wondering, is this all just my anxiety having gotten worse after that intense panic attack? I need to know if these physical symptoms are due to anxiety or not. Any help is really appreciated! <3",1,anyone panic attack first time even necessarily first time bad one changed anxiety physical anxiety symptom first ever proper panic attack january year awful went amp e thinking dying bit month went fine suddenly nowhere got insane head rush trying sleep disappeared opened eye came back closed caused much distress idea anxiety attack constant state alertness worry ever since constant light headedness brain fog feeling completely spaced type feeling constant alert wondering feeling dizzy spaced progressively gotten worse feel tired time mildly disassociated honestly ruining life multiple test done come back clear wondering anxiety gotten worse intense panic attack need know physical symptom due anxiety help really appreciated lt -I really want to get a dog. I think it would help me with my problems. My boyfriend likes dogs but he likes cat a little more. I prefer dogs.,1,really want get dog think would help problem boyfriend like dog like cat little prefer dog -"those are longest symptoms,along with nausea,fatigue,dizziness,overwhelming feeling",1,longest symptom along nausea fatigue dizziness overwhelming feeling -"I'm a straight male (24). I haven't really had a serious male friend since middle school, and I've pretty much realized that outside of family, I only really want to talk to women in general. I don't exclusicely try to talk to women that I find attractive. I have trust issues with men and women, so it must be something else. Is this maybe some form of annxiety? I have bad GAD. I just don't understand this aspect of myself.",1,straight male really serious male friend since middle school pretty much realized outside family really want talk woman general exclusicely try talk woman find attractive trust issue men woman must something else maybe form annxiety bad gad understand aspect -"I’m not a big fan of sharing overly personal stuff online, so i’ll just say that i’ll have to take a moderately long plane ride soon (a couple weeks from now, i think) and every day i have at least one mini panic attack worrying about it. there are some minor complications that could happen to me on the flight, but nothing particularly harmful or super bad in any sense- i’m mostly concerned about anxiety/claustrophobia and the side effects of that while on the flight. this is stressful and feels pointless, as i know from past experience i never know how i’ll feel until i’m there (or, in this case, in the anxiety-inducing situation). any advice?",1,big fan sharing overly personal stuff online say take moderately long plane ride soon couple week think every day least one mini panic attack worrying minor complication could happen flight nothing particularly harmful super bad sense mostly concerned anxiety claustrophobia side effect flight stressful feel pointless know past experience never know feel case anxiety inducing situation advice -"I’ve literally never changed my hairstyle, it’s just been a trim on top and 3 on sides, but recently I’ve started going out more and a few people I’ve met out has said to me that getting a medium fade cut would look good. - -I’ve always had a problem with barbers though, I have to go in about 30 minutes before it closes on a Friday as that’s the least busy time, I only ask for the same cut because I hate making changes. - -How do I word it? What do I say when I come in, having a script in my head makes things easier, cheers.",1,literally never changed hairstyle trim top side recently started going people met said getting medium fade cut would look good always problem barber though go 0 minute close friday least busy time ask cut hate making change word say come script head make thing easier cheer -"hi. just wanted to share my experience and hopefully get some advice from people who suffered through same symptoms. when i have extreme anxiety periods, i can not eat, almost at all. i eat one small meal a day if im lucky. also, vomiting can not be avoided when these episodes come, i have vomited several times when i was out with friends for example (i would say i have to pee and i would vomit my soul out of my body)..how can i help myself...i am tired of dealing with this",1,hi wanted share experience hopefully get advice people suffered symptom extreme anxiety period eat almost eat one small meal day im lucky also vomiting avoided episode come vomited several time friend example would say pee would vomit soul body help tired dealing -"Hi, so can anxiety/stress make a person physically ill? like shivering, dizzy, throwing up, nauseous, no appetite, drastic weight loss? I need serious help. -I’ve always had alittle anxiety, who doesnt? I have been biting my nails my whole life. -But recently i’ve been having health issues, going to the hospital and doctors constantly, and they find nothing wrong. I eventually got diagnosed with “IBS” , but isn’t ibs linked to stress? - -My symptoms have been getting worse, i lost both my grandpas in 2022, i got accepted into school which is exciting but maybe stressful? - -I constantly feel like i need to puke. I’m not really eating, i’m losing weight, when im on a date with my boyfriend i ruin the whole thing cuz i just need to go home and lay down. -someone please help me! -i have a doctors appointment to discuss this, but i just want outsiders opinions. I feel lost confused and scared…",1,hi anxiety stress make person physically ill like shivering dizzy throwing nauseous appetite drastic weight loss need serious help always alittle anxiety doesnt biting nail whole life recently health issue going hospital doctor constantly find nothing wrong eventually got diagnosed ibs ibs linked stress symptom getting worse lost grandpa 0 got accepted school exciting maybe stressful constantly feel like need puke really eating losing weight im date boyfriend ruin whole thing cuz need go home lay someone please help doctor appointment discus want outsider opinion feel lost confused scared -"In high school I was quiet, mind my business, didn’t talk to many people. I noticed that certain people just didn’t like me. One time a teacher moved a girl to sit next to me and she made this weird face like annoyed and when she sat next to me she was slightly turned ti the direction I wasn’t in and not facing straight. Another occasion I was sitting in a table with 3 other people and none of them would bother to talk to me even when I tried to make a convo or ask a question and one of them actually cuts hair now and my brother and dad cut their hair with her and they’re always saying she talks a lot etc she’s friendly, today I went to that place to cut my hair and she was completely quiet just asked me what hair type I wanted and the price of the cut, I didn’t want to start a convo cause I knew that back then she wouldn’t even want to talk. I just feel like I have something that just makes people dislike me for no reason.",1,high school quiet mind business talk many people noticed certain people like one time teacher moved girl sit next made weird face like annoyed sat next slightly turned ti direction facing straight another occasion sitting table people none would bother talk even tried make convo ask question one actually cut hair brother dad cut hair always saying talk lot etc friendly today went place cut hair completely quiet asked hair type wanted price cut want start convo cause knew back even want talk feel like something make people dislike reason -"Has anyone had really intense brain fog this year? I mean it's been pretty bad before but I genuinely can't remember stuff and relative time is confusing. Sometimes a day feels like a week or I'll think I discussed something with someone on Monday and it's been 3 weeks and they've been waiting for me to follow up. - -I'll be halfway through making a decision and it takes me forever bc my brain gets stuck and then I forget what I was even trying to decide.",1,anyone really intense brain fog year mean pretty bad genuinely remember stuff relative time confusing sometimes day feel like week think discussed something someone monday week waiting follow halfway making decision take forever bc brain get stuck forget even trying decide -"So, I know I shouldn’t because everyone experience anxiety differently. But my social anxiety really hinders my ability to socialize, and as a result, I really cannot currently build up the courage to have even basic social interactions. Sometimes I hear very popular people with tons of friends say that they have social anxiety or have no friends and it just makes me angry inside. Or social media influencers. - -It’s like I’m mad because my social anxiety hinders me from doing what they do.",1,know everyone experience anxiety differently social anxiety really hinders ability socialize result really currently build courage even basic social interaction sometimes hear popular people ton friend say social anxiety friend make angry inside social medium influencers like mad social anxiety hinders -"Obviously **Trigger Warning** for talk about **sexual activities.** - -I don’t know why and I don’t know if I’m supposed to do something about it or just ignore it since I don’t necessarily have any interest in having sex with another person. Sometimes I’ll want to masturbate, but that’s it. I don’t want to be having sex with anyone. - -However when I do try and masturbate I’ll suddenly get hit with emotions of anxiety and guilt and disgust and I have to immediately stop. I then start crying and panicking and I don’t know why… - -As far as I can remember I’ve never had a negative experience with sex or sexual harassment or sexual assault. I mean, I have experienced a friend that would try and touch me inappropriately, but at the time it didn’t really bother me since I didn’t fully understand what she was trying to do. I’d just push her off and after a few times she stopped. - -Otherwise that’s it. I don’t know why this happens… I don’t know if this means anything or I’m just really weird…",1,obviously trigger warning talk sexual activity know know supposed something ignore since necessarily interest sex another person sometimes want masturbate want sex anyone however try masturbate suddenly get hit emotion anxiety guilt disgust immediately stop start cry panicking know far remember never negative experience sex sexual harassment sexual assault mean experienced friend would try touch inappropriately time really bother since fully understand trying push time stopped otherwise know happens know mean anything really weird -"Starting next month (18 April 2022) - -I've landed a job at somewhere I have no experience in because all I know is Kitchen work. - -It's a filing job and it's very social and communication based. Something I clearly have anxiety with. -I will be speaking to people face to face and on the phone DAILY and I get so anxious thinking about it. - - -If anyone has any advice, please help me out. -I want this job because I hate working in kitchens. - -Thank you",1,starting next month april 0 landed job somewhere experience know kitchen work filing job social communication based something clearly anxiety speaking people face face phone daily get anxious thinking anyone advice please help want job hate working kitchen thank -"I tried to end my misery last week, but my boyfriend intervened. Since then he told me he is emotionally checked out, but yet we are still together? I’m so confused. He won’t touch me or kiss me. He rarely smiles at me or converses with me when he gets home from work. I feel so alone. I literally have no one to all to about how I feel or what I am going through besides my dog.",1,tried end misery last week boyfriend intervened since told emotionally checked yet still together confused touch kiss rarely smile converse get home work feel alone literally one feel going besides dog -"So, I was just working. A completely normal day, in fact I felt pretty good. I work at a goodwill so it's relatively social but I can handle it cause honestly every person that enters that store is fantastically polite and friendly. But for some reason, half way through my shift I begin getting light head. I assumed it was my tight hat or my new prescription glasses so I took those off and got back to work and for a little bit actually helped, but it got worse and worse. My hands were shaky and I was super light headed. Bless my coworkers, cause I mentioned I wasn't feeling great and my manager let me have a break despite not requiring one due to shirt shifts. One of my coworkers actually spent a dollar to get me a snack. And I was improving, I didn't wanna leave these lovely people short staffed as I was the only product handler closing so I tried getting back on the floor and instantly I was back in it. And again, bless my manager cause she suggested it was fine and I could go home. I got in my car and instantly my face felt numb, by the time I was home(a relatively short drive) my chest was super numb too. Im 17, I've only ever had this feeling once before and I was wondering if this is what a standard panic attack feels like? How do I bring this up with my dad in order to get this figured out? Sorry if this was long, it actually helped a good bit in getting me relaxed just writing this",1,working completely normal day fact felt pretty good work goodwill relatively social handle cause honestly every person enters store fantastically polite friendly reason half way shift begin getting light head assumed tight hat new prescription glass took got back work little bit actually helped got worse worse hand shaky super light headed bless coworkers cause mentioned feeling great manager let break despite requiring one due shirt shift one coworkers actually spent dollar get snack improving wan na leave lovely people short staffed product handler closing tried getting back floor instantly back bless manager cause suggested fine could go home got car instantly face felt numb time home relatively short drive chest super numb im ever feeling wondering standard panic attack feel like bring dad order get figured sorry long actually helped good bit getting relaxed writing -"The Negative Emotions and Thoughts (NEAT) Study is recruiting adults (ages 18+) in Canada and the US to participate in an online survey examining how people experience and manage negative thoughts and feelings—including suicidal thoughts and emotion dysregulation. Eligible participants will be able to enter a gift card draw. To complete the online survey/see if you’re eligible, please click here \[[https://uwo.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_2lrjDolhgXaJDcG](https://uwo.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_2lrjDolhgXaJDcG)\]. - -Thanks so much for giving us a chance to share our research study! Feel free to contact us if you have any questions or concerns.",1,negative emotion thought neat study recruiting adult age canada u participate online survey examining people experience manage negative thought feeling including suicidal thought emotion dysregulation eligible participant able enter gift card draw complete online survey see eligible please click http uwo eu qualtrics com jfe form sv lrjdolhgxajdcg http uwo eu qualtrics com jfe form sv lrjdolhgxajdcg thanks much giving u chance share research study feel free contact u question concern -"This is the second time I’ve felt this weird sensation. It’s like in the back left part of my head literally feels like someone’s taking their thumb and pushing in my head for like 20 seconds. It feels like pressure slightly building up then vanishes… anyone else? - - -I’ve had brain/sinus ct blood work ekg all -Clean scans",1,second time felt weird sensation like back left part head literally feel like someone taking thumb pushing head like 0 second feel like pressure slightly building vanishes anyone else brain sinus ct blood work ekg clean scan -"I've never hated anything this much in my entire life. I'm stressed out. I'm SO stressed out. I'm constantly stressed out. I'm tired of crying every day over school. I'm tired of being left out by people I thought were my friends. Everything is so difficult and I want to die. I genuinely want to die. This is too much. It's too much and i'm only in freshman year. I'm only 14. Life is only going to get harder from here on, and if I'm already like this, I don't even want to see what's in store for me. Life sucks. School sucks. I want to shove a knife into my head",1,never hated anything much entire life stressed stressed constantly stressed tired cry every day school tired left people thought friend everything difficult want die genuinely want die much much freshman year life going get harder already like even want see store life suck school suck want shove knife head -"I'm currently an art student at university and I'm trying to pass the year. But my anxiety coupled with my low self worth has made it dangerously difficult to complete any kind of task or face up to any kind of challenge. - -It's already taking what I have to take care of myself everyday and to give myself breaks whenever things get tough. But my work demands a lot, and I want to get through it. But whenever I look at what I have to do, the things I need to do, I shut down. I can't imagine myself ever completing these tasks or accomplishing things and this is my last chance at university or I have to drop out. I don't think I could take that kind of failure. I want to be able to sit down and work hard, face the challenges and either fail and try again, or triumph and move onto the next. - -So much of me is tied to the confidence I have in a task, on a good day I'll create something I never thought I'd do on my own, but those days are rare. - -I've tried therapy, but I can't afford it anymore, and free healthcare here means waiting months for a chance at a session. - -Has anyone felt something similar to this? Or know what could help? So far, just typing this out has helped a bit.",1,currently art student university trying pas year anxiety coupled low self worth made dangerously difficult complete kind task face kind challenge already taking take care everyday give break whenever thing get tough work demand lot want get whenever look thing need shut imagine ever completing task accomplishing thing last chance university drop think could take kind failure want able sit work hard face challenge either fail try triumph move onto next much tied confidence task good day create something never thought day rare tried therapy afford anymore free healthcare mean waiting month chance session anyone felt something similar know could help far typing helped bit -I made some really careless mistakes at work today. I’ve been making similar mistakes recently. I messed up some stuff today and I’m going down this slope like I’m not good at my job and everybody is going to find out how bad I am and I’m gonna get fired and won’t be able to pay my bills and lose everything I have. I don’t know how to stop the negative thoughts.,1,made really careless mistake work today making similar mistake recently messed stuff today going slope like good job everybody going find bad gon na get fired able pay bill lose everything know stop negative thought -what can i do to help me with chest pain and uncomfortable chest please im desesperate :(,1,help chest pain uncomfortable chest please im desesperate -I feel like sometimes I can’t tell if it’s anxiety or really a gut instinct.,1,feel like sometimes tell anxiety really gut instinct -,1,nan -"i rlly hope someone understands this but i return to school next week and i just had a meeting with my dean and mother and we got onto the subject of grades and he told me and my mum my grades were shocking and that i slack off and when i heard this i literally wanted to cry :( .. SURE i struggle with maths alot and its not my strongest subject but all the other subjects i work HARD .. i pull all nighters to get work in on time, i ask questions in class, i get people to read over my work and give me pointers, and i have gotten ok grades in most of my subjects.. i never ditch any class and i always listen but my dean was painting it out to my mum like im some delinquent who is always skipping class and slacks off.. and it really hurt me because i do feel like i really do try my hardest in school.. idk its really making me start to feel that EVERYONE is out to get me :(",1,rlly hope someone understands return school next week meeting dean mother got onto subject grade told mum grade shocking slack heard literally wanted cry sure struggle math alot strongest subject subject work hard pull nighters get work time ask question class get people read work give pointer gotten ok grade subject never ditch class always listen dean painting mum like im delinquent always skipping class slack really hurt feel like really try hardest school idk really making start feel everyone get -"TW - child loss - -Long story short my infant son passed last year and my FIL is a pastor. We were invited to a spaghetti supper tonight and of course “had” to go. Going to these events is anxiety inducing for my husband and I but usually if we lay low we can tolerate it. - -There’s this lady who HAS to hug us and she just comes up with this huge grin and loud voice and hugs us. Doesn’t ask or anything just hugs and kisses us on the cheek. Like 1 lady it’s COVID season and 2 please don’t just touch me. - -When we left I just broke down sobbing. I can’t do it. That’s just too much and sends me into a panic. I’m gonna have my pastor FIL have a conversation with this woman that it’s incredibly inappropriate and unwanted for her to just be hugging us like that.",1,tw child loss long story short infant son passed last year fil pastor invited spaghetti supper tonight course go going event anxiety inducing husband usually lay low tolerate lady hug u come huge grin loud voice hug u ask anything hug kiss u cheek like lady covid season please touch left broke sobbing much sends panic gon na pastor fil conversation woman incredibly inappropriate unwanted hugging u like -"So I’ve had anxiety almost my entire life and it really impacts my day to day functionality. I recently got dumbed by someone I thought was my soulmate. There reason is because of my anxiety they though I was manipulating them and lying to them. It made me defensive and defend positions I didn’t believe. But I keep having a panic attack over both losing them and never finding someone again. So to my question, I have times where I’m hyper focused on one thing and that one thing will make me anxious every day for a month or more. Right now it’s the breakup, previously it’s been about dying, or about issues regarding sex! Has anyone had this where everyday they have this anxiety and nothing can stop the constant thoughts about one subject? It feels like I can think of nothing else",1,anxiety almost entire life really impact day day functionality recently got dumbed someone thought soulmate reason anxiety though manipulating lying made defensive defend position believe keep panic attack losing never finding someone question time hyper focused one thing one thing make anxious every day month right breakup previously dying issue regarding sex anyone everyday anxiety nothing stop constant thought one subject feel like think nothing else -"My friend recently gave me this very beautiful stained glass flower and I really like it but my brain just can't accept that it is a nice gift. - -My brain keeps thinking oh it was actually meant for someone else. (She had a crush at the time she said she brought it but he turned out to be an asshole). or it was just some trashy item she brought at a cheap market or any number of these things. I know it's stupid to think these things and I have no reason to think them. I think I am just scared to put my emotions into this gift in case it turns out to be fake. - -Logically I know I should just believe her and even if it is just some rubbish from a pawn shop the fact that she's given it to me as a gift is what matters. Even if is the worst-case scenario I wouldn't actually be that hurt and I would still like the gift. I guess it's just the fear of being fooled or taken advantage of that is scaring me. I don't want to really treasure this gift and then get the rug pulled from under me. - -How do I go about actually appreciating this gift?",1,friend recently gave beautiful stained glass flower really like brain accept nice gift brain keep thinking oh actually meant someone else crush time said brought turned asshole trashy item brought cheap market number thing know stupid think thing reason think think scared put emotion gift case turn fake logically know believe even rubbish pawn shop fact given gift matter even worst case scenario actually hurt would still like gift guess fear fooled taken advantage scaring want really treasure gift get rug pulled go actually appreciating gift -"So I (25m) have had depression since I was 8 snd I suffered from anxiety since 2014. My anxiety was not that bad overall, I might have a bad day here or there but I never really had it for weeks or months like I have it now. I know I get it really bad the longer I'm in my head. The next part is the backstory and I would like your guys opinion on what to do. - -So there this girl in college that I absolutely adore. We have the same major and we graduate in May. I've known her for about 2.5 years and I told her how I felt and asked her out in December. I didn't know she just gotten out of a relationship so she said she wasn't ready for one and she needed some time to get in the right mindset. She told our mutual friend about and told her that's the only reasons she didn't say yes. - -The next parts I completely screwed up. I never told her that I was waiting for her, I wanted to but would chicken out. I was planning on texting her every couple of days but personal stuff came up and I thought some of it would be to heavy of a subject matter to talk with her about (like my grandmother being on death's door). So I didn't really sayuch during our winter break. Also, this is when I really started to get in my head. I would just imagine all these different scenarios and dates with her and it just made me anxious and I didn't know how to stop them. - -Then by the time I worked up the courage to figure through my anxiety to tell her some different stuff, like I'm willing to wait for her, that I appreciated a certain day and how she made special to me, and how I feel like a very closed person and I wanted to open up with her. She got in a relationship and I don't blame her, I blame myself because looking at it from her point of view it seems like I was not interested in her anymore. Also, just want to insert that she know I care for her, when she had Covid I checked up on her everyday. - -Since then, I been having what I think are panic attacks. I will have the shortness of breath and my hand will start shaking uncontrollably and recently I will also have some chest pains with it. Before she got the relationship, I started going to counseling to try to improve my mental health. - -To let you know how I feel about this person, she makes me feel like no else has ever done before. My feelings gor her are so intense and I've tried to move on but the feelings get stronger. She believes in me more than I so myself. Plus, my heart thinks she might be the one ( which I know is crazy). She's the most important person in the world to me and I don't want to lose her after graduating. Here lately I feel like I been acting strange around and it's because of this anxiety. - -So my question is do I tell her what I'm going through? I feel like this will help with my anxiety and give her some insight to why I've been acting the way I been. How much do I tell her? I feel if I don't tell her my anxiety will keep on getting worse and I probably won't be able to actually have a conversation with her the rest of the school year and we might drift apart after graduation. I would still like to be friends with her after graduation. Thank you for reading this. - -Also I don't know if this is the right community for this but I would really value your opinions.",1,depression since snd suffered anxiety since 0 anxiety bad overall might bad day never really week month like know get really bad longer head next part backstory would like guy opinion girl college absolutely adore major graduate may known year told felt asked december know gotten relationship said ready one needed time get right mindset told mutual friend told reason say yes next part completely screwed never told waiting wanted would chicken planning texting every couple day personal stuff came thought would heavy subject matter talk like grandmother death door really sayuch winter break also really started get head would imagine different scenario date made anxious know stop time worked courage figure anxiety tell different stuff like willing wait appreciated certain day made special feel like closed person wanted open got relationship blame blame looking point view seems like interested anymore also want insert know care covid checked everyday since think panic attack shortness breath hand start shaking uncontrollably recently also chest pain got relationship started going counseling try improve mental health let know feel person make feel like else ever done feeling gor intense tried move feeling get stronger belief plus heart think might one know crazy important person world want lose graduating lately feel like acting strange around anxiety question tell going feel like help anxiety give insight acting way much tell feel tell anxiety keep getting worse probably able actually conversation rest school year might drift apart graduation would still like friend graduation thank reading also know right community would really value opinion -"Hey guys just kind of a nervous rant here so sorry if it’s long. I work at a job where it’s an open and fun environment with about 15 other people. About a month ago I had a yearly review with my boss who actually ended giving me a small promotion. I was super excited and feeling optimistic. My team had been performing well and our boss likes to reward us with small things if we hit our numbers (Beer on a Friday, Buys pizza for us for a lunch day etc…). In the heat of the dopamine rush I was having from the promotion I had the spontaneous idea of doing a roast for our boss in the office after work on a Friday. We’re all fairly close (as far as co workers go) with each other so at the time I didn’t think this seemed like a bad idea. He thought it was a good idea and said that would be fine. He agreed to get food/beer for it. I thought “awesome”, so I announced it at one of our weekly meetings. People seemed “meh” about the idea but it was on the calendar. This thing is getting close and I have so much anxiety about how embarrassing and awkward this is going to be. Not to mention my boss usually doesn’t come into work on Friday but agreed to specifically for this event. I know of only 2 other guys that have a few jokes written but have no clue of anyone else is even willing to participate. I wasn’t thinking at the time that the majority of people hate public speaking, don’t want to attempt comedy in front of their co workers, and be taking shots at their boss on a Friday after work. We have fun at work, but I’m getting the sense that no one is really into this. I think it’ll end up being me up there speaking for about 3 minutes maybe getting an uncomfortable laugh or two and then having this be a gigantic failure. Going to be really hard to show my face at work if this doesn’t pan out. If you made it this far thanks for reading, just had to vent and get this out there.",1,hey guy kind nervous rant sorry long work job open fun environment people month ago yearly review bos actually ended giving small promotion super excited feeling optimistic team performing well bos like reward u small thing hit number beer friday buy pizza u lunch day etc heat dopamine rush promotion spontaneous idea roast bos office work friday fairly close far co worker go time think seemed like bad idea thought good idea said would fine agreed get food beer thought awesome announced one weekly meeting people seemed meh idea calendar thing getting close much anxiety embarrassing awkward going mention bos usually come work friday agreed specifically event know guy joke written clue anyone else even willing participate thinking time majority people hate public speaking want attempt comedy front co worker taking shot bos friday work fun work getting sense one really think end speaking minute maybe getting uncomfortable laugh two gigantic failure going really hard show face work pan made far thanks reading vent get -"I was prescribed 20mg Paxil and am on my second day. First day felt like nothing, but the second my jaw began clenching and shaking, headache, and the topic of this post, a weird feeling in my penis. The best way I can describe it is the equivalent of going on a rollercoaster or something like that and your dick feels like it’s trying to crawl back up inside of yourself. That feeling, but constant and less intense. I can’t find anyone with a similar experience despite my searching, which is why I’m posting here. I still get off fine, but the health anxiety still remains. Curious to know what that may be indicative of. - -Also, the username was meant as a joke. Never thought it’d become reality lmao",1,prescribed 0mg paxil second day first day felt like nothing second jaw began clenching shaking headache topic post weird feeling penis best way describe equivalent going rollercoaster something like dick feel like trying crawl back inside feeling constant le intense find anyone similar experience despite searching posting still get fine health anxiety still remains curious know may indicative also username meant joke never thought become reality lmao -"Hi all. - -I’m 31F. I’ve had very bad anxiety disorder since 2010 when my uncle passed away. The following year I started taking medication and while it helps, it’s not a cure all. - -Both my parents passed under different circumstances in October and it’s wrecked my emotions. I try to do the best I can but sometimes it’s just a mess. I’m out of town right now and I feel so outside of my comfort zone. I know I’m safe, but my stomach is in knots and (sorry TMI) I haven’t left the bathroom much. Does anyone have any advice? Is there anything I can do to calm myself or center myself? Thank you in advance.",1,hi f bad anxiety disorder since 0 0 uncle passed away following year started taking medication help cure parent passed different circumstance october wrecked emotion try best sometimes mess town right feel outside comfort zone know safe stomach knot sorry tmi left bathroom much anyone advice anything calm center thank advance -"I have a constant fear of potential health problems and not being loved and ruining my relationship. When I’m with him, I’m constantly thinking of things that can go wrong and ways I could screw up and illnesses that we could suddenly have. I am EXHAUSTED of living, but he makes me energetic about life. I hope I don’t screw things up with him. He’s great. And my happy place. I’m anxious and I overthink just about everything coming out his mouth, even when it is kind. Trying to take it day by day. Just wanted to rant.",1,constant fear potential health problem loved ruining relationship constantly thinking thing go wrong way could screw illness could suddenly exhausted living make energetic life hope screw thing great happy place anxious overthink everything coming mouth even kind trying take day day wanted rant -"I have serious insomnia and messed up hours and anxiety. I’ve been given hydroxyzine in 10mg and 25mg for sleep, and only 3x 0.5mg Xanax per month for anxiety. A lot of the reason I can’t just sleep is anxiety. - -10mg of hydroxyzine doesn’t seem to work on me anymore. 25mg knocked me out but I woke up extremely groggy with a fast heart rate and these effects lasted the rest of the day. It feels horrible. - -I could take the Xanax but I’m limited to 3 tabs a month. It’s fine for me anxiety-wise, I just feel chill with it, but I’ve heard Valium might be better for sleep? Faster effect and lasts longer too? - -I’m wondering whether I should ask my psychiatrist to let me try Valium instead? But I have a feeling she will limit me to 3 tabs a month as well (exceedingly strict rules for benzos here). - -Has anyone tried both Valium and Xanax? What was the difference for you? - -Should I even give the hydroxyzine another try? If so in what dosage?",1,serious insomnia messed hour anxiety given hydroxyzine 0mg mg sleep x 0 mg xanax per month anxiety lot reason sleep anxiety 0mg hydroxyzine seem work anymore mg knocked woke extremely groggy fast heart rate effect lasted rest day feel horrible could take xanax limited tab month fine anxiety wise feel chill heard valium might better sleep faster effect last longer wondering whether ask psychiatrist let try valium instead feeling limit tab month well exceedingly strict rule benzos anyone tried valium xanax difference even give hydroxyzine another try dosage -"so ive had a few small victories here and there which have made me noticed how we all make stuff 10x worse than how it actually is, idk if its gonna be a long post but hopefully not - -so my main struggle is health anxiety, its shocking how much it changed me, ive always lived with it but it became a thing a bit before the pandemic, obviously the pandemic made it 10x worse, anyways.... i was not working, barely working out and barely had a social life (isolation) so i knew i had to do something, i enrolled into a masters degree in europe, (i live in mexico so its a big move) - -anyways coming wasnt that hard actually, the first few weeks it was easy, i walked around my new city, went out, etc, my health anxiety was still there but diminished. so now i start classes and ive always been a shy person ( i dont come across as shy somehow but i am) and i was having a hard time FEELING like i had friends. One thing about my anxiety is that im super functional, i may be dying in my head but im still at school and whatever but the thing is, i dont have social anxiety, i love meeting new people but because i was, in my head, dying, or thinking that i was having a stroke or something, the nerves were translating to me talking to people, i felt odd, weird, and that everybody noticed, im sure there were times were they did but here comes the good part. - -a friend frome home came to the same course as me but she came in a few months late, so about a month ago when she got here and went to a few classes she asked me, ""how are you friends with everybody?"" i was like huh? i feel like im forcing myself on these people and only talk back if they talk to me, i dont feel like i have friend, ofc i didnt say that but i told her oh yeah whatever lol. - -second victory was today, we have a class where a teacher talks all the time and barely lets us talk, she had us gather in teams for a debate and when it came to me she stopped the class and said, YOU (meaning me) im gonna pick who you go with cause youre a chit chatter and talk to everybody so they all want you in their team (thinking i would have no problem debating since i dont have an issue talking in public, at least in my class) i was shocked, i still felt like a weirdo, sure i did crack a few jokes here and there but didnt really feel like people would noticed if i didnt show up but idk it made me realize how even when my mind is crumbling and im on edge people dont notices as much as i think, if i told you all the stuff im thinking while im talking to people yall would laugh ( is this headache a stroke, or maybe covid, is this twitch a clot, am i gonna faint now, is this pain from overdosing on pain killers last week and my kidney is about to fail) that is just an example of what my mind is thinking while im trying to have a conversation with people. - -this is kind of a wake up call because its all in ur heads, ive been worried about strokes and diseases obsesivelly for 2 years and literally (knock on wood) everytime everything comes back clear and the only think that worrying has brought me is not enjoying where im at. of course its easier said than done but omg im gonna try to remember this everytime.",1,ive small victory made noticed make stuff 0x worse actually idk gon na long post hopefully main struggle health anxiety shocking much changed ive always lived became thing bit pandemic obviously pandemic made 0x worse anyways working barely working barely social life isolation knew something enrolled master degree europe live mexico big move anyways coming wasnt hard actually first week easy walked around new city went etc health anxiety still diminished start class ive always shy person dont come across shy somehow hard time feeling like friend one thing anxiety im super functional may dying head im still school whatever thing dont social anxiety love meeting new people head dying thinking stroke something nerve translating talking people felt odd weird everybody noticed im sure time come good part friend frome home came course came month late month ago got went class asked friend everybody like huh feel like im forcing people talk back talk dont feel like friend ofc didnt say told oh yeah whatever lol second victory today class teacher talk time barely let u talk u gather team debate came stopped class said meaning im gon na pick go cause youre chit chatter talk everybody want team thinking would problem debating since dont issue talking public least class shocked still felt like weirdo sure crack joke didnt really feel like people would noticed didnt show idk made realize even mind crumbling im edge people dont notice much think told stuff im thinking im talking people yall would laugh headache stroke maybe covid twitch clot gon na faint pain overdosing pain killer last week kidney fail example mind thinking im trying conversation people kind wake call ur head ive worried stroke disease obsesivelly year literally knock wood everytime everything come back clear think worrying brought enjoying im course easier said done omg im gon na try remember everytime -"I have always had anxiety but trt to deal with it on my own but it's getting worse. Is joint, tendon and muscle pain a sign? Everything else checks out fine. Thanks",1,always anxiety trt deal getting worse joint tendon muscle pain sign everything else check fine thanks -,1,nan -"After a year of not getting the vaccine, I have to get it because I'm going to another city for a panoramic xray. I have severe anxiety, to the point that my heart is always racing and I can hear the loud beats and it interferes with my health exams. One time the doctor got mad at me because she's not satisfied with my BP knowing that I was anxious the entire time. So she ordered me to drink Xanor (Alprazolam) before the vaccine. However Xanor is not available in my place, even in the city. The vaccine incharge won't jab nervous people. I feel so helpless. I need to get the xray asap because I'm always in pain over my wisdom tooth.",1,year getting vaccine get going another city panoramic xray severe anxiety point heart always racing hear loud beat interferes health exam one time doctor got mad satisfied bp knowing anxious entire time ordered drink xanor alprazolam vaccine however xanor available place even city vaccine incharge jab nervous people feel helpless need get xray asap always pain wisdom tooth -"Hi everyone, got prescribed Citalopram/Celexa for anxiety yesterday and took my first 20mg last night. I woke up a lot earlier than usual today and couldn’t go back to sleep as easy. - -I’m reading about the side effects and noticed that one can be insomnia. I don’t know if it’s the Citalopram or my anxiety kicking in from reading all these side effects, but I’m feeling more on edge than I did the past few days. - -At this point, I’m unsure about continuing, as I haven’t had a serious panic attack in a while, and I wanted medication for low-mild anxiety. I do know that Citalopram can eventually provide great results, but I’m also worried about the withdrawal symptoms of coming off of it. - -Can anyone else share their first day stories so I’m not worrying my head off? - -Is 1 pill enough to trigger these side effects? - -Thank you",1,hi everyone got prescribed citalopram celexa anxiety yesterday took first 0mg last night woke lot earlier usual today go back sleep easy reading side effect noticed one insomnia know citalopram anxiety kicking reading side effect feeling edge past day point unsure continuing serious panic attack wanted medication low mild anxiety know citalopram eventually provide great result also worried withdrawal symptom coming anyone else share first day story worrying head pill enough trigger side effect thank -"I've had a lot of anxiety about taking antidepressants but I finally did it after having a couple really, really bad weeks recently. First day is going okay, I'm a little nauseous and have dry mouth. Just proud of myself for making a necessary change and hopefully this is the right prescription for me.",1,lot anxiety taking antidepressant finally couple really really bad week recently first day going okay little nauseous dry mouth proud making necessary change hopefully right prescription -Anyone ever had a delayed response to an anxiety inducing event? Like even when you were having anxiety during the event? I had something super duper stressful happen on Sunday and last night I was horribly nauseous all night long and my fiancé thinks it was a delayed response to what happened on Sunday. Any insights?,1,anyone ever delayed response anxiety inducing event like even anxiety event something super duper stressful happen sunday last night horribly nauseous night long fianc think delayed response happened sunday insight -"Although my colleagues and boss have been really supportive and nice to me, my mind tells me they secretly hate me or just won't express something they don't like of me in the fear that I'm new. I'm socially awkward, and many other things about the job and conversations of the day echo loud in my head in repeat and I just can't think of anything else. -I scroll through the gram for distraction or read through my astrology happenings for the day. -I don't know how to relax or quiet my mind...so many things bothering me at once",1,although colleague bos really supportive nice mind tell secretly hate express something like fear new socially awkward many thing job conversation day echo loud head repeat think anything else scroll gram distraction read astrology happening day know relax quiet mind many thing bothering -Yeah so i got an Job Interview tomorrow and im pretty anxious about it. Has anyone got some advice on how to prepare for it? It should be good tho its Just that im not Sure If i will Like it and im afraid to have No small Talk topics with the employers yk that its gonna be awkward and shit,1,yeah got job interview tomorrow im pretty anxious anyone got advice prepare good tho im sure like im afraid small talk topic employer yk gon na awkward shit -"I barely function and can't do basic things due to how bad my anxiety is/can get. I berate and criticize myself for being such a pathetic, worthless piece of shit. I'm almost 34, live with my parents, and have accomplished nothing. I never passed the High School GED, I have some minor learning difficulties, but too embarrassed to get help. I suffer from depression, but I don't feel comfortable seeing a therapist. And where I live, there are few health care resources. I don't own a drivers license because being in and near cars causes me to have panic attacks. I'm terrified of being in a car accident or causing one, so I have to avoid it. And there isn't public transport near me, but even if there was, I can't handle being around a crowd or in a small group in a limited space. I'm just a fucking wreck and feel so awkward and abnormal compared to most of the world. I have no friends IRL, only a few online friends, and haven't been completely honest with them and sometimes lie so they don't see how fucking pathetic I am. I'm ashamed of my existence and wish I was never born. I'm just a burden, the people around me don't understand and get frustrated with me. I don't want to be this way, but whenever I go out an inch from my comfort zone I have an anxiety attack.",1,barely function basic thing due bad anxiety get berate criticize pathetic worthless piece shit almost live parent accomplished nothing never passed high school ged minor learning difficulty embarrassed get help suffer depression feel comfortable seeing therapist live health care resource driver license near car cause panic attack terrified car accident causing one avoid public transport near even handle around crowd small group limited space fucking wreck feel awkward abnormal compared world friend irl online friend completely honest sometimes lie see fucking pathetic ashamed existence wish never born burden people around understand get frustrated want way whenever go inch comfort zone anxiety attack -"Hi! With my anxiety, the grocery store has been a tough place for me. I’ve managed by going at off peak times so there aren’t as many people around, dressing in layers in case I get too hot, and wearing headphones or ear plugs to block out noise. My last issue is the fluorescent lights! They bother me a lot. Any tips besides wearing sunglasses indoors when the sun isn’t out and having people stare at me lol.",1,hi anxiety grocery store tough place managed going peak time many people around dressing layer case get hot wearing headphone ear plug block noise last issue fluorescent light bother lot tip besides wearing sunglass indoors sun people stare lol -" I'm not sure where to even post this but I'm hoping someone who reads this can relate. - -For the past 3 months everything feels ""wrong"" or ""off"" but there is objectively nothing wrong. I started a new long awaited and anticipated job and quit my horribly toxic previous work place. This was the moment I had fantasized about for the last few years but ever since then I can't seem to feel OK. Everything feels chaotic and out of place but nothing else has changed. I am on a good routine but I still feel out of control. - -Again, absolutely nothing is out of control. In fact, looking from the outside in, my family is in one of the best stages of life we have been in. - -Why can't I seem to feel ""at home"" or grounded?? I feel a constant longing for *something* but I have no clue what it is. I can't come up with a solution to this feeling because when I think about it logically I can't find anything to ""fix"". I just can't feel ok..",1,sure even post hoping someone read relate past month everything feel wrong objectively nothing wrong started new long awaited anticipated job quit horribly toxic previous work place moment fantasized last year ever since seem feel ok everything feel chaotic place nothing else changed good routine still feel control absolutely nothing control fact looking outside family one best stage life seem feel home grounded feel constant longing something clue come solution feeling think logically find anything fix feel ok -" -I’m almost 23 and ever since I graduated I have been lost. I didn’t even look at college/university -My parents enrolled me in admin and I got the cert two. Then dropped out two times cert 3 and 4. -Then a spent a year and a half at makeup school. Which I regret. Because I still can’t Find a job out of it, I do want to start my own freelance business but it hasn’t happened yet lol. - -Then at 22 I actually pursued a hairdresser apprenticeship, which I’ve wanted to do for a while. I ignored all those telling me it’s a sht job, no money. What ended up happening was working at two different salons and causing nothing but chaos to their businesses. The first salon got rid of me after three months after repeatedly getting people wet and failing to follow instructions (the way she let me off made me cry on the way home. Like “it breaks my heart whenever I have to remove someone passionate about hair. But today will be your last day”. The thing is, I lied that I was passionate about hair. When really I really am not) - -Then I found a job at a salon closer to home. Everyone there was a lot older than me and I found it hard to talk to them but they were understanding and very kind. They wanted me to quit my waitress job to focus on my career. - -This salon was a lot smaller and easier than the other one. Whole place made up of just four chairs. I worked there for four months, caused abit of chaos. Bleach/dye got on customers at some point, failing to follow instructions when super busy/fast paced. - -On one tragic Friday they sat me down and told me some sad serious things. They said they were dissapointed. For one, there were a few complaints from customers. I was still getting water in someone’s eyes and forehead, too harsh with the wash, brushing that same customers ear. Then they told me someone had been secretly asking for someone else to wash their hair. And apparently I haven’t been paying attention or focusing, or using my common sense, and that I need to speak up. That night I started to get paranoid that I was ADD or had a learning disability (Im pretty sure I do) all over again or even a lack of common sense. To my mum, the answer is always “you don’t help out at home. So that’s why you can’t do anything at work. Start from home first!” - -Despite all that my bosses still gave me a chance, and told me they still agreed to let me stat my cert 3 in hairdressing, even though I’m five weeks behind. and told me to practise washing hair instead of root colour. I was holding back tears the entire meeting. Right after leaving I had another mental breakdown on the way home. My parents were going to leave for a birthday but then cancelled and were concerned. - -I made an instant decision that it wasn’t for me and ended up quitting over text, then not going to work the next day, or going to first day of tafe/class. The apprenticeship is supposed to be 3 years, five days in a salon and once a week in Tafe). A few days later they called me to come pick up my pay because they decided to under pay me and in cash until I officially started my apprenticeship. They were softer this time and asked if it was any issue with the staff, or even them and I denied it all. The guy told me he thought I would have come back after the talk and pulled through, you know like improve/fought. They made me feel guilty and want to ask for a second chance to still work for them and pursue the apprenticeship. My mum reminded me that I know myself, if I stayed they would end up sacking me anyways. My mum thinks it’s better to quit before getting fired and getting a bad reputation. It’s not good for me or their business. It’s kind of embarassing. - -So yeah there’s my experience on trying to become a hairdresser. Unfortunately, for me, I do have a case of social anxiety and it’s hard for me to speak up.I also get a bit grossed out about touching an old guys hair. Since my first hair salon job I have cringed watching my boss fake laughing to customers, how fake you have to be as well. Ughhh. - -It’s not for me is it. Now I’m thinking about going back to studying admin to get an office job, while waitressing on the side. Or I wouldn’t mind being a waitress for the rest of my life. - -Just some more irrelevant rambling, you don’t have to read: -The last thing I want is to end up a factory worker like my dad, which everyone in my family seems to look down on. My younger bro went to uni right after high school and works towards becoming an IT or something. I have always been the dumb/rebel sibling lol. Simpson’s Bart and Lisa balance right there. It’s fine, I’ll just be the dumb pretty one like the Haley character out of modern family. Except I’m not a party girl or ever been in a relationship. Might as well get A BOYFRIEND for once anytime soon. Each year that’s passed since finishing school in 2017 has consisted of crying in my room over being a failure. The first year I started to have withdrawal symptoms from being let off antidepressants. On the bright side, unlike the other sad years I actually have a job (before that it was so hard to even land an interview). I have two hospitality related jobs",1,almost ever since graduated lost even look college university parent enrolled admin got cert two dropped two time cert spent year half makeup school regret still find job want start freelance business happened yet lol actually pursued hairdresser apprenticeship wanted ignored telling sht job money ended happening working two different salon causing nothing chaos business first salon got rid three month repeatedly getting people wet failing follow instruction way let made cry way home like break heart whenever remove someone passionate hair today last day thing lied passionate hair really really found job salon closer home everyone lot older found hard talk understanding kind wanted quit waitress job focus career salon lot smaller easier one whole place made four chair worked four month caused abit chaos bleach dye got customer point failing follow instruction super busy fast paced one tragic friday sat told sad serious thing said dissapointed one complaint customer still getting water someone eye forehead harsh wash brushing customer ear told someone secretly asking someone else wash hair apparently paying attention focusing using common sense need speak night started get paranoid add learning disability im pretty sure even lack common sense mum answer always help home anything work start home first despite boss still gave chance told still agreed let stat cert hairdressing even though five week behind told practise washing hair instead root colour holding back tear entire meeting right leaving another mental breakdown way home parent going leave birthday cancelled concerned made instant decision ended quitting text going work next day going first day tafe class apprenticeship supposed year five day salon week tafe day later called come pick pay decided pay cash officially started apprenticeship softer time asked issue staff even denied guy told thought would come back talk pulled know like improve fought made feel guilty want ask second chance still work pursue apprenticeship mum reminded know stayed would end sacking anyways mum think better quit getting fired getting bad reputation good business kind embarassing yeah experience trying become hairdresser unfortunately case social anxiety hard speak also get bit grossed touching old guy hair since first hair salon job cringed watching bos fake laughing customer fake well ughhh thinking going back studying admin get office job waitressing side mind waitress rest life irrelevant rambling read last thing want end factory worker like dad everyone family seems look younger bro went uni right high school work towards becoming something always dumb rebel sibling lol simpson bart lisa balance right fine dumb pretty one like haley character modern family except party girl ever relationship might well get boyfriend anytime soon year passed since finishing school 0 consisted cry room failure first year started withdrawal symptom let antidepressant bright side unlike sad year actually job hard even land interview two hospitality related job -"I had an alternative account where I post in subreddits related to video games I like asking for strategies. I guess I did that too often without noticing. Anyway, I got an anonymous Reddit Care Resources message and I already got the feeling I was targeted by trolls or haters (I have another alternative Reddit account where I post in a controversial sub and I get Reddit Care Resources messages basically every other week lol). I should have deactivated my account but I didn't. Anyway, a while later, someone sent me a message on Reddit calling me a ""c\*\*t"" who should f\*\*\* off as I spam the sub in a brainless manner and ask about everything about the games so I'm a loser who is too annoying (without the asterisks). I couldn't see who sent me that message as that person immediately deleted his or her account. - -Anyway, this made me uncomfortable. That person used really strong language and I don't think calling me a c\*\*t was justified. I guess I should be smart enough to deactivate my Reddit account as soon as a I got a Reddit Care message (ironically I never got such a message even though I posted in mental health subs numerous times with a lot of alternative accounts) or just turn off private messages (didn't see the need to do so as I never thought I would get such a message by posting on such a sub - it's not like I was posting anything controversial). Did I do the right thing deactivating that alternative account? I don't think there was a way I could ""win"" that argument so I guess the best thing to do was just to ""vanish"" from the sub. - -Another thing is I'm worried that the hater (or haters) will find this thread and know it's me. Or maybe people from that sub will notice how I'm gone and will find this thread. Or maybe the developers can guess who I am (as in which gaming account that alternative Reddit account is linked to) based on the video game info I described (as in which stages I got stuck in, how much game money I had stocked up, etc). Am I being paranoid?",1,alternative account post subreddits related video game like asking strategy guess often without noticing anyway got anonymous reddit care resource message already got feeling targeted troll hater another alternative reddit account post controversial sub get reddit care resource message basically every week lol deactivated account anyway later someone sent message reddit calling c f spam sub brainless manner ask everything game loser annoying without asterisk see sent message person immediately deleted account anyway made uncomfortable person used really strong language think calling c justified guess smart enough deactivate reddit account soon got reddit care message ironically never got message even though posted mental health sub numerous time lot alternative account turn private message see need never thought would get message posting sub like posting anything controversial right thing deactivating alternative account think way could win argument guess best thing vanish sub another thing worried hater hater find thread know maybe people sub notice gone find thread maybe developer guess gaming account alternative reddit account linked based video game info described stage got stuck much game money stocked etc paranoid -Been noticing I’ve been doing a lot of pacing back and forth lately. Been trying to think of ways to make extra cash and such after being let go from my job. Now I’m starting to think what if I have ADHD. Or is it just anxiety? Do you guys pace back and forth sometimes when thinking?,1,noticing lot pacing back forth lately trying think way make extra cash let go job starting think adhd anxiety guy pace back forth sometimes thinking -"I (27M) am worried about potentially developing schizophrenia eventually. My sister (30) is suffering from this disease right now. 2 of my moms aunts also had it. My parents did not have it (they both passed away 11 and 2,5 years ago). I know the onset of symptoms typically occurs in the 20s for males. I smoked weed very often (almost daily when I was in a smoking mode, but I also took a few tolerance breaks anywhere from 2-5 months) the past 7 years but recently I decided to stop. I also tripped on LSD 9 times within one year, but the last trip I had was almost 5 years ago. I know LSD, weed, and stressful situations can trigger dormant mental illnesses in people, but I am wondering if schizophrenia would already have been triggered and active in me given my history. - -I didn’t know I had a family history of the disease until about 2,5 years ago, so please don’t shame me for my ignorance. I also just found out there was a link between weed and schizophrenia in the past year, and thankfully I have conquered my battle with weed, even though it took some time. Do you think my previous drug usage will come back to haunt me? If someone could provide some numbers for what my odds look like, that would be nice… as far as I can tell I am not in a prodromal phase, but after leaving the weed behind I am worrying myself a lot thinking about all this. Thanks for any input.",1,worried potentially developing schizophrenia eventually sister 0 suffering disease right mom aunt also parent passed away year ago know onset symptom typically occurs 0 male smoked weed often almost daily smoking mode also took tolerance break anywhere month past year recently decided stop also tripped lsd 9 time within one year last trip almost year ago know lsd weed stressful situation trigger dormant mental illness people wondering schizophrenia would already triggered active given history know family history disease year ago please shame ignorance also found link weed schizophrenia past year thankfully conquered battle weed even though took time think previous drug usage come back haunt someone could provide number odds look like would nice far tell prodromal phase leaving weed behind worrying lot thinking thanks input -"Yesterday I was in a negative thought spiral and my heart rate was super high and I got really angry at myself and my thoughts and how much I don’t like myself. So much so that I wanted to punch a wall or throw something really hard. - -I’ve always had anxiety but it’s never turned into anger before. Is this normal?",1,yesterday negative thought spiral heart rate super high got really angry thought much like much wanted punch wall throw something really hard always anxiety never turned anger normal -"I’m on a very low dose of lexapro, as I’m trying to taper off. My anxiety isn’t cured but I do feel like it helps to talk me out of panic pretty easily. Last night at 3am I got a sharp pain in my head and felt very weird for a couple seconds. I immediately went into full blown panic and woke up today very spacey like I’m dissociating :( has this happened to anyone? How do you snap out of it? I literally thought I was having a stroke, but checked my BP and O2 and all was well. (I used to be really bad with checking my vitals but I never use them anymore) I also have herniated discs in my neck so I’m not sure if that was the cause or some freak incident 😔",1,low dose lexapro trying taper anxiety cured feel like help talk panic pretty easily last night got sharp pain head felt weird couple second immediately went full blown panic woke today spacey like dissociating happened anyone snap literally thought stroke checked bp well used really bad checking vitals never use anymore also herniated disc neck sure cause freak incident -"I’m a volunteer coach at the HS I went to. The pst 2 years here I’ve seen a lot of things I didn’t like, like how the head coach ran it and it felt very low effort and try to avoid problems and a large lack of discipline. I tried for 2 years and nothing has changed, and this off-season has been low numbers since March and my position group fell apart to some transfers and kids not taking the leadership of those transfers. I tried but it has stressed me out and I’ve been fixated the last few months on leaving just because of how poorly ran it was. - -I feel guilty and anxious to spring it on the coach and team but I can’t keep hurting myself, especially if I have more interest and care than the players and some coaches. Everyone that knows the program has been telling me to get out. It’s not a bad decision in my eyes to leave, I just feel crappy about doing it and super anxious after I was done. - -Any advice on coping in these scenarios? I take a SSRI but these scenarios it doesn’t matter for me I’ll get worked up no matter what. I really hate the guilt part because I know it’s the best choice for myself in both coaching career and just mental health in general.",1,volunteer coach h went pst year seen lot thing like like head coach ran felt low effort try avoid problem large lack discipline tried year nothing changed season low number since march position group fell apart transfer kid taking leadership transfer tried stressed fixated last month leaving poorly ran feel guilty anxious spring coach team keep hurting especially interest care player coach everyone know program telling get bad decision eye leave feel crappy super anxious done advice coping scenario take ssri scenario matter get worked matter really hate guilt part know best choice coaching career mental health general -"I remember back in high school senior year my anxiety was at its absolute worst. - -It was difficult for me to make friends so I came home and lost myself in video games to try and forget about how difficult it was for me to talk to people. I had to attend school the next day so I needed some way to cope w the anxiety. - -I’d play video games all day and do my work last second. I graduated, then I took extra time off before heading to college. Even though I didnt attend HS anymore, I still had anxiety of having to talk to people when eventually going to college. I had issues of self worth. - -I continued to play my video games day in and day out. It was excessive, and my family occasionally had outbursts. Theyd say things like: “What are you, a baby? You still like video games? Grow up!”…”Keep playing those video games. You’re never going to amount to anything.”…”You’re so lazy. What’s your problem?” - -I’ve grown out of that phase and my anxiety is more manageable nowadays, but looking back I’d like to make a point. If you know some1 that is incredibly lazy, it may not be by choice. Their head can feel like a complete mess and they may feel like the only way to cope is by zoning out as much as possible. Just being alone in a room w my thoughts made my heart race like crazy and excessive sweating ensued. Some people just wouldnt understand until it happens to them… perhaps some of you do though.",1,remember back high school senior year anxiety absolute worst difficult make friend came home lost video game try forget difficult talk people attend school next day needed way cope w anxiety play video game day work last second graduated took extra time heading college even though didnt attend h anymore still anxiety talk people eventually going college issue self worth continued play video game day day excessive family occasionally outburst theyd say thing like baby still like video game grow keep playing video game never going amount anything lazy problem grown phase anxiety manageable nowadays looking back like make point know incredibly lazy may choice head feel like complete mess may feel like way cope zoning much possible alone room w thought made heart race like crazy excessive sweating ensued people wouldnt understand happens perhaps though -"I went to the doctor for the first time in my life for my severe anxiety. And as the title says, this is what he prescribed me and also Zoloft 25mg. I’m fine taking the Zoloft. Probably need it. But I just don’t know how comfortable I am taking the metoprol. Just from what I’ve read and people’s experiences on it and trying to get off of it. My heart rate really goes up in the shower and most things I do. But here lately I’ve barely gotten out of bed for the past week and a half cause I’m just so scared of having a heart attack (I’m 28) it gets so bad in the shower that I become dizzy and nauseous and usually have to lay down for a bit after one. I think it all has to do with my mental health and I just don’t see the point -Of taking the risk of all that horrible stuff I’ve heard about metoprol. Plus on top of it, now that I know all those side effects and stuff like that, they will never leave me head. I just feel trapped and idk what to do. Trapped by my own mind and body. Im not sure if I’m just horribly out of shape (I barely move, except for going to grocery stores or doing the dishes or laundry) besides that I’m on my bum on YouTube or Netflix ect.. So will just trying to move more and get past that heart attack fear be more beneficial than taking the metoprol. Or should I trust my doctor and take it for 2 weeks until my next appointment. I just don’t know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.",1,went doctor first time life severe anxiety title say prescribed also zoloft mg fine taking zoloft probably need know comfortable taking metoprol read people experience trying get heart rate really go shower thing lately barely gotten bed past week half cause scared heart attack get bad shower become dizzy nauseous usually lay bit one think mental health see point taking risk horrible stuff heard metoprol plus top know side effect stuff like never leave head feel trapped idk trapped mind body im sure horribly shape barely move except going grocery store dish laundry besides bum youtube netflix ect trying move get past heart attack fear beneficial taking metoprol trust doctor take week next appointment know advice would greatly appreciated -I’ve been dealing with multiple health issues currently having bad pain in my broken tooth. My dentist checked it out last week and said it just needs pulled and put me on antibiotics. Have an appointment to get it pulled this weekend but it looks so infected im worrying (of course) about it causing death because im in pain. I really feel like making another appointment to check it again but they don’t seemed worried at all. I just want to cuddle next to my bf or mom or dad but the anxiety always happens at night and no one wants to wake up and help comfort me.,1,dealing multiple health issue currently bad pain broken tooth dentist checked last week said need pulled put antibiotic appointment get pulled weekend look infected im worrying course causing death im pain really feel like making another appointment check seemed worried want cuddle next bf mom dad anxiety always happens night one want wake help comfort -"Hi all. I've got a script for clonidine for my anxiety, and I am curious if anyone here has any experience with it, good or bad. Thanks in advance!",1,hi got script clonidine anxiety curious anyone experience good bad thanks advance -"i would know if i had a brain damage, injury, anyersum or my brain is bleeding? -in the past like 3 months ago my ex boyfriend would punch me in the head, pull my hair. one time he punched me really hard, i had a bump and a extreme headache for days. it went away. i never went to get it checked because it went away. something would have happened by then right if i was bleeding or had something going on? -from then on i been stressed. and i have headaches everyday mainly at a certain time. i been diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder. i just need reassurance. im okay right? i was playing a game on my phone all of a sudden my head started feeling really tight and weird. anyways the point is, is the stress causing it ? (he used to hit my head alot, the last time was like 2-3 months ago but before that too. other than the concussion i felt fine. would i have blacked out if it was bad enough to do damage ? i never did. i been fine. but i started having headaches reccently maybe stress? im fine right? plz give me reasssurace answer this : i would know if i had a brain bleed how long after a accident can ur brain bleed ?",1,would know brain damage injury anyersum brain bleeding past like month ago ex boyfriend would punch head pull hair one time punched really hard bump extreme headache day went away never went get checked went away something would happened right bleeding something going stressed headache everyday mainly certain time diagnosed anxiety panic disorder need reassurance im okay right playing game phone sudden head started feeling really tight weird anyways point stress causing used hit head alot last time like month ago concussion felt fine would blacked bad enough damage never fine started headache reccently maybe stress im fine right plz give reasssurace answer would know brain bleed long accident ur brain bleed -"Hi everyone, - -This all started back in college. I was doing lots of drugs (Molly, cocaine, acid, Molly) and was doing badly at uni. After my dad put the fear of god into me I started taking school a lot more seriously and drastically slowed down my drug intake. Not long after I started developing horrible physical anxiety at night. I would get into bed, feel fine but just couldn’t flip the switch to fall asleep. I would lay there for an hour or so and then my heart would start to race, shortness of breath, then all of a sudden I would have an intense chest burning sensation that would last hours. I felt dead in the morning but by 9am or 10am I would get a surge in energy. I was jacked up and sweating a lot. I would do well in school because my mind was going a 100 mph but after several weeks of this I started feeling exhausted and would even hallucinate during the day. I could only do school work at night. I was too brain dead to pay attention in class. This went on for a couple of years before I went to the doctor and was prescribed Lexapro generic. The first few weeks were really bad, but then I felt amazing. However, I had bad sexual side affects and it changed my personality. I felt dead inside. After three years on this I went on to venlafaxine. It gave me a stupid amount of energy, sweated profusely, and peed 1/4 as often as before. I lasted one year on this. Then I switched over to Zoloft generic. I started on 50mg but I felt brain dead and again had sexual side affects so I lowered the dose to 25mg. The sexual side affects decreased but it still wasn’t great. I also still felt a little out of it. So I lowered it to 12.5mg during COVID lockdown. I was working from home all of the time. I didn’t have a bad time falling asleep on this but I didn’t feel good the next day either: tired, brain fog, easily irritable. But it was better than physical anxiety at midnight. When we were told we had to go back into the office, the anxiety at night came back. Not horrible physical anxiety but more like normal anxiety and insomnia. I lasted a few months on this and just couldn’t take it anymore so I started smoking weed. Unfortunately I have always been super sensitive to weed. I would get euphoria from one or two hits. This helped me sleep but I was still tired and irritable the next day. As I continued smoking I would need more and more to get that euphoric feeling to put me to sleep. Then things turned south quickly. I was becoming very irritable and would lash out at family and coworkers nearly everyday. I would calm down then apologize. After a few weeks of this my dad said I needed to see my doctor. I was put on Wellbutrin and had the worst 4 days of my life. I totally lost it. Extreme mood swings, nerve pains and claustrophobia. I got off that and am recovering this week from It. I took Benadryl Sunday night and Monday night to sleep. Last night I took nothing and had the worst physical anxiety since college. I did the right things though. I turned off the tv early and did some meditation and felt good going to bed. But just like in college I had radiating anxiety two hours in. I slept maybe 3-4 hours and woke up jacked. Sweating a bunch and mind racing. I don’t know if I need different medication or therapy or both. Has anyone dealt with what I’m experiencing? Did a certain type of medication help? Did you need therapy too? Thanks for sharing!",1,hi everyone started back college lot drug molly cocaine acid molly badly uni dad put fear god started taking school lot seriously drastically slowed drug intake long started developing horrible physical anxiety night would get bed feel fine flip switch fall asleep would lay hour heart would start race shortness breath sudden would intense chest burning sensation would last hour felt dead morning 9am 0am would get surge energy jacked sweating lot would well school mind going 00 mph several week started feeling exhausted would even hallucinate day could school work night brain dead pay attention class went couple year went doctor prescribed lexapro generic first week really bad felt amazing however bad sexual side affect changed personality felt dead inside three year went venlafaxine gave stupid amount energy sweated profusely peed often lasted one year switched zoloft generic started 0mg felt brain dead sexual side affect lowered dose mg sexual side affect decreased still great also still felt little lowered mg covid lockdown working home time bad time falling asleep feel good next day either tired brain fog easily irritable better physical anxiety midnight told go back office anxiety night came back horrible physical anxiety like normal anxiety insomnia lasted month take anymore started smoking weed unfortunately always super sensitive weed would get euphoria one two hit helped sleep still tired irritable next day continued smoking would need get euphoric feeling put sleep thing turned south quickly becoming irritable would lash family coworkers nearly everyday would calm apologize week dad said needed see doctor put wellbutrin worst day life totally lost extreme mood swing nerve pain claustrophobia got recovering week took benadryl sunday night monday night sleep last night took nothing worst physical anxiety since college right thing though turned tv early meditation felt good going bed like college radiating anxiety two hour slept maybe hour woke jacked sweating bunch mind racing know need different medication therapy anyone dealt experiencing certain type medication help need therapy thanks sharing -"So today I had a public presentation in school which is my worst nightmare. I got really sweaty shaky and at the end i felt like I was having a seizure. Everyone eventually notices and the teacher finally stops the presentation and I had to sit down to not pass out on the spot. - -I have almost fainted during presentations before however not at this level. This was 5 hours ago and I've felt so freaking exhausted since it happening and I'm so embarrassed... - - -I am taking medication for anxiety and depression.",1,today public presentation school worst nightmare got really sweaty shaky end felt like seizure everyone eventually notice teacher finally stop presentation sit pas spot almost fainted presentation however level hour ago felt freaking exhausted since happening embarrassed taking medication anxiety depression -"Ok so last week on Wednesday I had to go to hospital because I got appendicitis. Then the next day I was bleeding internally so basically had surgery 2x. I am currently still in hospital and its been about a week exactly. Today however, I started getting very severe anxiety and have reached out to my nurse and everything to take meds but they domt seem work… I even tried mindfulness, youtube, breathing, yet nothing seems to be working for me. My thought pattern is like “your not gonna get outta the hospital alive” “your gonna die” - shit like that with my thoughts racing. And its been going like this all day and I can’t seem to stop it. Just my thoughts taking control of me. And I feel like shit because of this anxiety. Like I never had this bad anxiety before. Also im still stuck in this hospital until im released maybe this week. Can someone please let me know how to deal with this? I feel like I cant take it anymore and its getting to me.",1,ok last week wednesday go hospital got appendicitis next day bleeding internally basically surgery x currently still hospital week exactly today however started getting severe anxiety reached nurse everything take med domt seem work even tried mindfulness youtube breathing yet nothing seems working thought pattern like gon na get outta hospital alive gon na die shit like thought racing going like day seem stop thought taking control feel like shit anxiety like never bad anxiety also im still stuck hospital im released maybe week someone please let know deal feel like cant take anymore getting -"hello everyone, new to the sub here, i would like to receive your insights about my recent discovery about myself. - -TW: self h - -so i used to do this when i was 15. and its mostly because i have severe anxiety and i need a coping mechanism. ive stopped and have been cleaned for 7 years since. - -today i had a fight with my entire family about not respecting my boundaries and not coming into my room when im literally shirtless and they make fun of me for being too serious about it. theyre good people and have never touched me inappropriately so i too was puzzled about my sudden anxiety attack. - -so i locked myself in a room, sobbing to no one. and i felt so much pain and i just want the rush to come. but then i saw a resistance band (?) and literally did a thousand bicep curls and u know how it burns when someone exercises the first time, i couldnt feel my hand. i guess the endorphin made me feel so much better i forgot about wanting to do that bad thing. - -i feel so much better and i wanted to know if i could do a thousand bicep curls at the risk of injuring my hand, to avoid doing what i used to do.",1,hello everyone new sub would like receive insight recent discovery tw self h used mostly severe anxiety need coping mechanism ive stopped cleaned year since today fight entire family respecting boundary coming room im literally shirtless make fun serious theyre good people never touched inappropriately puzzled sudden anxiety attack locked room sobbing one felt much pain want rush come saw resistance band literally thousand bicep curl u know burn someone exercise first time couldnt feel hand guess endorphin made feel much better forgot wanting bad thing feel much better wanted know could thousand bicep curl risk injuring hand avoid used -So my husband I are planning to get a dog in May and we’ll need an ESA letter for our apartment in Chicago. I do have anxiety and have seen a psychiatrist and therapist but not anymore due to scheduling conflicts. My next appointment with my PCP is in June (earliest available appointment) and I’m not even sure she can write an ESA letter. What’s the best way to proceed? There’s so many different websites for obtaining a letter but I don’t know who to trust. Any help is much appreciated!,1,husband planning get dog may need esa letter apartment chicago anxiety seen psychiatrist therapist anymore due scheduling conflict next appointment pcp june earliest available appointment even sure write esa letter best way proceed many different website obtaining letter know trust help much appreciated -"Getting real sick of constant waves of anxiety, heart palpitations, tremors, intrusive thoughts, and anxiety attacks. It's been three damn days since my random panic attack. I get it, body. Fight or flight. Wooooo. Now knock it the fuck off.",1,getting real sick constant wave anxiety heart palpitation tremor intrusive thought anxiety attack three damn day since random panic attack get body fight flight wooooo knock fuck -"I struggle with boundaries, I either come across as defensive or a complete push over and people pleaser, and both of these behaviours come from a place of fear and anxiety. I always have self doubt and in conflicts with others i straight away believe I have done something wrong and it’s not until later I realise I haven’t. I feel my anxiety was life long but worsened by an abusive relationship in which I lost any sense of self or autonomy. How have you worked through your anxiety to come to a place of self compassion, self esteem and healthy boundaries? I feel unable to find the balance. Thanks so much in advance",1,struggle boundary either come across defensive complete push people pleaser behaviour come place fear anxiety always self doubt conflict others straight away believe done something wrong later realise feel anxiety life long worsened abusive relationship lost sense self autonomy worked anxiety come place self compassion self esteem healthy boundary feel unable find balance thanks much advance -"I recently got caught at my school with a very small amount of weed. My dad has a number of reasons to be worried about this (he works in an environment where addicts are, he has went to rehab for alcohol in last year, has had sister die of overdose, etc.). He has not gone to work for 3 days in a row now, and he tells me it’s because of anxiety. Whenever I ask him what’s on his mind, he just says idk and that I can’t do anything to help him. Now, mind you I haven’t spoken a single word to him about the incident stated at the start even though he is well informed of it. Every morning around the same time I hear him vomiting. I don’t have much experience with alcohol, so I can’t judge too quickly here, and I understand I’m probably not leaving enough info for anyone else to fully decide too whether this could be anxiety or something else. Just what should I do in a situation like this? Has anyone had any experience with vomiting around the same time due to anxiety?",1,recently got caught school small amount weed dad number reason worried work environment addict went rehab alcohol last year sister die overdose etc gone work day row tell anxiety whenever ask mind say idk anything help mind spoken single word incident stated start even though well informed every morning around time hear vomiting much experience alcohol judge quickly understand probably leaving enough info anyone else fully decide whether could anxiety something else situation like anyone experience vomiting around time due anxiety -"Preface: Im 18F, and currently in community college - -So i have GAD (undiagnosed, but pretty obvious), and i feel like im inexperienced in working and doing thing on my own in real life and most of it stems from social anxiety. - -I heard alot of people from tiktok who say that their social anxiety got better once they started working retail or fast food because they were forced to talk to other people on a regular basis. - -So my question is, did getting a part time job help with your social anxiety?",1,preface im f currently community college gad undiagnosed pretty obvious feel like im inexperienced working thing real life stem social anxiety heard alot people tiktok say social anxiety got better started working retail fast food forced talk people regular basis question getting part time job help social anxiety -"Long story short someone made fun of someone’s stutter In front of me cause they weren’t aware I have a stutter (it’s mostly related to anxiety). After that I kept asking myself “how do I know who I can trust?” And in that time I told myself I felt crazy for thinking this way - -I told myself everybody can be made fun of for different aspects of their lives and most people won’t even bat an eye. I was going about my day until someone on my post said they thought this way and it led them to be paranoid and go psychotic. This is my biggest fear and after reading that I almost had a panic attack and it took me 30-60 minutes to calm down. Ever since then i can’t shake this thought - -I realized tho the reason I think everyone cares I stutter is because I’m looking through my perspective, not theirs. I realized I was treating my stutter as my identity and not an aspect of me. If someone makes a lighthearted joke about it (depending on how they say it), it could just be a joke and not devaluing me as a person. Realizing this actually makes me feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of myself (but it freaks me out cause I also heard before people lose touch with reality they feel great). But now that I “found a way out” of this thought that OCD has attached itself to. It’s still going over scenarios that never even happened or will happen/going over certain people and I’m asking myself “would they make fun of your stutter in this scenario?”. I’m afraid it’s because I’m paranoid but I think it’s cause OCD is trying to keep a grip on this fear - -It’s less of a fear people are making fun of me now, and more of a fear of believing they’re making fun of me. Does this mean I’m going crazy since the original thought didn’t start as an OCD obsession?",1,long story short someone made fun someone stutter front cause aware stutter mostly related anxiety kept asking know trust time told felt crazy thinking way told everybody made fun different aspect life people even bat eye going day someone post said thought way led paranoid go psychotic biggest fear reading almost panic attack took 0 0 minute calm ever since shake thought realized tho reason think everyone care stutter looking perspective realized treating stutter identity aspect someone make lighthearted joke depending say could joke devaluing person realizing actually make feel like huge weight lifted freak cause also heard people lose touch reality feel great found way thought ocd attached still going scenario never even happened happen going certain people asking would make fun stutter scenario afraid paranoid think cause ocd trying keep grip fear le fear people making fun fear believing making fun mean going crazy since original thought start ocd obsession -"Usually every day is a battle but today especially, it feels like I’m going to explode. I know I will get through it but I know it’ll also be painful. I’m already tired and just woke up. Ugh.",1,usually every day battle today especially feel like going explode know get know also painful already tired woke ugh -"Hey, recently I realised that I've been having one problem for a couple of years, but I wasn't able to identify and name it until now. So basically when I talk to someone directly I have no problem in holding eye contact- it just feels natural, no anxiety at all, no matter if it's someone I know or some stranger. However, I'm facing lots of situations when I feel ""unable"" to look around, like in library, where I literally feel some kind of mental block to look at someone sitting beside me, or someone passing by. Sometimes I experience that also in public transport, or at the gym. I usually try to combat that feeling by looking there anyway, but it just feels even more uncomfortable, and I feel that this discomfort makes me look like some sort of creep. How do you even approach such problem?",1,hey recently realised one problem couple year able identify name basically talk someone directly problem holding eye contact feel natural anxiety matter someone know stranger however facing lot situation feel unable look around like library literally feel kind mental block look someone sitting beside someone passing sometimes experience also public transport gym usually try combat feeling looking anyway feel even uncomfortable feel discomfort make look like sort creep even approach problem -"for context, I'm an English teacher at a small private English school. The school is so small I'm the only teacher. No subs. -I got my period last night and as always the first day is the worst. Cramps, headache, nausea, needing the loo every 5 minutes and I feel so freaking cold today, no matter what I do I just can't seem to get warm. So I cancelled my two afternoon lessons and asked the receptionist to deal with a meeting with a potential client herself (I mean, that's pretty much her job anyway...) -But I feel so guilty for cancelling the classes! The nausea got worse as soon as I sent the text to my boss. I feel bad that I have to cancel two classes in one day especially since I had a week holiday the week before last. Maybe the students are losing too much lesson time this year. -My classes today were from 4 to 5.30 and then 7 to 8 but I don't go home in the gap between meaning I'd have to sit at my desk with nothing comfy or warm for 1.5 hour all while feeling really crappy. -Idk, just looking for someone to tell me its ok to take a sick day if i need it and tell the anxiety voices to shut the heck up. - - -Edit: Thank you so much to everyone who commented and got me through the day. I went to bed feeling better - emotionally and physically - than when I got up. Today is a new day. ❤",1,context english teacher small private english school school small teacher sub got period last night always first day worst cramp headache nausea needing loo every minute feel freaking cold today matter seem get warm cancelled two afternoon lesson asked receptionist deal meeting potential client mean pretty much job anyway feel guilty cancelling class nausea got worse soon sent text bos feel bad cancel two class one day especially since week holiday week last maybe student losing much lesson time year class today 0 go home gap meaning sit desk nothing comfy warm hour feeling really crappy idk looking someone tell ok take sick day need tell anxiety voice shut heck edit thank much everyone commented got day went bed feeling better emotionally physically got today new day -I’m so scared of being rejected I never talk to them because I’m so scared. My heart starts racing and I don’t know what to do about it,1,scared rejected never talk scared heart start racing know -Everytime I think of any sort of injury or blood I feel so faint and almost puke. How can I stop this feeling and calm myself down. Does anyone else get this?? (No graphic stories please),1,everytime think sort injury blood feel faint almost puke stop feeling calm anyone else get graphic story please -"We are doing **FREE Personalised** **Moon Readings**! -Comment ""ME"" if you're interested!",1,free personalised moon reading comment interested -"My gf had a tough period when she was a teenager (family loss) and doctors put her on abilify to treat her. -Today after 5 years, she is thinking about stopping it, she really wants to but every doctors she sees are really not helping her in the right direction. Two of them told her to reduce slightly to avoid eyes side effects but no more. Otherwise she feels ok she even stopped for almost a month whitout seeing any differences. What's your experience about this ? Thanks for help",1,gf tough period teenager family loss doctor put abilify treat today year thinking stopping really want every doctor see really helping right direction two told reduce slightly avoid eye side effect otherwise feel ok even stopped almost month whitout seeing difference experience thanks help -"I just need help man, Im quite a confident, intelligent guy, Id say good looking and everything, but the past years my anxiety is eating me alive... Might think what I say is weird but good luck. -I can do stuff, but everything I do my body responds with anxiety. I feel confident, then my body stops me from being happy, its like I need to be stressed all the time especially when Im not alone. Anxiety makes me tense up, sweat, panic, oily face. I feel dirty even thought I keep a real good hygiene. Just like that, from just simply waiting in line at the store, or just waiting in front of someone doing something. During car rides I just instantly become awkward as duck, I talk and everything cool, but my body just feels tense as duck and it drains all my energy. My face becomes oily because im stressing about my face becoming oily and im gonna panic and look sweaty. I look and feel really uncomfortable just from being in front of someone for a minute on the sidewalk. I feel like everyone looking at me how annoying I am and disgusting and I think I stand out from a normal person its just horrible... People said im overthinking it and others dont really notice anything, but I think they do. Idk Im so lost",1,need help man im quite confident intelligent guy id say good looking everything past year anxiety eating alive might think say weird good luck stuff everything body responds anxiety feel confident body stop happy like need stressed time especially im alone anxiety make tense sweat panic oily face feel dirty even thought keep real good hygiene like simply waiting line store waiting front someone something car ride instantly become awkward duck talk everything cool body feel tense duck drain energy face becomes oily im stressing face becoming oily im gon na panic look sweaty look feel really uncomfortable front someone minute sidewalk feel like everyone looking annoying disgusting think stand normal person horrible people said im overthinking others dont really notice anything think idk im lost -"Weird feeling? - -Hi all. i’m on my 4th day is Buspirone and i’m doing really well. Though, when i go to bed it’s tough to sleep with this medicine. When i fall asleep i’m okay but trying too it makes me feel like i jolt internally or like when you go over a hill or a rollercoaster and your belly drops and it does it a lot until i fall asleep. I don’t know how else to explain it and my doctor this morning didn’t seem to concerned. I hope it stops soon, wondering if anyone can relate?",1,weird feeling hi th day buspirone really well though go bed tough sleep medicine fall asleep okay trying make feel like jolt internally like go hill rollercoaster belly drop lot fall asleep know else explain doctor morning seem concerned hope stop soon wondering anyone relate -I Was On 50 MG Of Hydroxyzine And I Felt Like It Just Wasn’t Doing Anything So My Doctor Switched Me Today.,1,0 mg hydroxyzine felt like anything doctor switched today -"I've never been one to feel anxious, or thought of having anxiety even during difficult times however this past 2 weeks I've been struggling so much and realized I'm suffering from anxiety. - -Long story short, I met someone about 16 months ago, I knew in the first date just that gut feeling she's the one. It was great, perfect, everything I wanted. But not long after she unfortunately suffered great trauma with the loss of her best friend, her sister! In the beginning it was manageable, and I think it it was mainly due to her denial she lost her sister. Eventually the grief settled in, and now the true challenge arose for her, anxiety. 5yrs prior she lost her cousin and still had not gotten over it, now after losing 2 loved ones, she had the fear of losing me. Created turmoil between us, jealousy, trust issues. It created anger in me, I felt like a monster. She wanted me to be understanding and working with her where I was foolish and expected her to get rid of it. That is my biggest regret. - -Things got worse for us, add the fact Covid put a huge mental strain on us, I also lost a family member during that time that was dear to me and the stress of still trying to accept a different work culture as I changed from being out and about in the field 40hrs a week to stuck at a desk working from home. This created a ton of anger and frustration in me. This was also part of our downfall. - -A few months back, I stepped away from our relationship. Her fear of losing me, and constantly keeping me on her mind, prevented her from working on herself, I knew she would not heal and work on herself so long as I was around. I felt that was the best decision. I lied to her..... I told her I didn't love her anymore. I was trying to protect her. My second biggest regret. - -Two weeks ago I reached out to her, after working hard on my personal self to remove my anger, do better for myself with my eating better, working out. But I also made plan, a plan to ensure everything that went wrong would NEVER happen again. I knew she was still my soul mate, I knew she was still the love of my life, I knew she was still my bae. - -We had coffee, chatted, I told her I wanted her back in my life and had a plan, and would do whatever it took to get her back. She told me we would get back together but she needed time. She was in conflict, and fear of losing me again, fear of her anxiety being an issue for us again and her just being her old self. I respected that, and told her I would do anything for her. I told her I'd wait. - -1 week later after a week of confusion, emotions, uncertainties her feelings changed. She knew she loved me still and cares deeply, but that fear of what happened in the past and her uncertainty in her own well being made her change her mind and she had guilt telling me we would when she is uncertain we could ever get back together. - -I suffer of fear of losing her. I suffer of regret of everything I wish I did differently. I fear she may hurt even more if we don't try and she ends up having regret. I know we weren't working as a team, i know we needed to collaborate more but I know I gave her SO MANY changes as she kept begging me please give me one more chance. I just now have to live with fear, regret and wish she would just give me 1 chance. - -We promised to stay in touch, very limited maybe 1 call a week, she still cares for me and still wants me in her life, but she needs to focus on her. I will wait for her, she knows it, even though I know I'll continue to suffer with that fear and regret. But right now, she is hurting. Right now, she is in pain. So right now, the best thing for me to do, no matter how hard it is. Is to be the BEST SUPPORT PERSON FOR HER. It's what she needs. And I'll do anything for her.",1,never one feel anxious thought anxiety even difficult time however past week struggling much realized suffering anxiety long story short met someone month ago knew first date gut feeling one great perfect everything wanted long unfortunately suffered great trauma loss best friend sister beginning manageable think mainly due denial lost sister eventually grief settled true challenge arose anxiety yr prior lost cousin still gotten losing loved one fear losing created turmoil u jealousy trust issue created anger felt like monster wanted understanding working foolish expected get rid biggest regret thing got worse u add fact covid put huge mental strain u also lost family member time dear stress still trying accept different work culture changed field 0hrs week stuck desk working home created ton anger frustration also part downfall month back stepped away relationship fear losing constantly keeping mind prevented working knew would heal work long around felt best decision lied told love anymore trying protect second biggest regret two week ago reached working hard personal self remove anger better eating better working also made plan plan ensure everything went wrong would never happen knew still soul mate knew still love life knew still bae coffee chatted told wanted back life plan would whatever took get back told would get back together needed time conflict fear losing fear anxiety issue u old self respected told would anything told wait week later week confusion emotion uncertainty feeling changed knew loved still care deeply fear happened past uncertainty well made change mind guilt telling would uncertain could ever get back together suffer fear losing suffer regret everything wish differently fear may hurt even try end regret know working team know needed collaborate know gave many change kept begging please give one chance live fear regret wish would give chance promised stay touch limited maybe call week still care still want life need focus wait know even though know continue suffer fear regret right hurting right pain right best thing matter hard best support person need anything -"The worst part of anxiety and panic attacks for me is the sense of impending doom. It's the worst feeling in the world. It's like your body trying to make you feel bad about your hypothetical death. I can't sleep because I feel like I'm living through my last minutes on earth, even though I know it's probably not the case. Not gonna lie, not fun.",1,worst part anxiety panic attack sense impending doom worst feeling world like body trying make feel bad hypothetical death sleep feel like living last minute earth even though know probably case gon na lie fun -"Backstory, I’ve been diagnosed with panic disorder/GAD since a young child. Spent the past 21 years on Zoloft (at times as high as 200mg a day) 11 years ago I was put on Buspirone with the Zoloft and it changed my life! I’ve been stable up until this past year. My health anxiety got wayyy out of control and I’ve been diagnosing myself with terminal illnesses all year. Did therapy and actually enjoyed it for the first time in my life and got off Zoloft and switched to 20mg Celexa (combined with 15mg Buspirone in the AM and 30mg at night) graduated my therapy and finally felt almost normal. Then I got Covid. Felt like shit but made it through. Flash forward to a month later and I developed costochondritis (rib cartilage/muscle inflammation) that I thought was breast cancer. Sent me f’n spiraling. Since then I’ve had shortness of breath constantly and heart palpitations. Went to the Dr and so far everything is fine (waiting on heart holter results) and everything chalked up as anxiety. I’ve had multiple full blown panic attacks the past few weeks and was at my wits end. Saw my Psych and I went up to 30mg Celexa. Here comes my actual issue, I accidentally read about Serotonin Syndrome and how Celexa and Buspirone should never be given together. I brought it up to my Psych and she was not worried but it’s been 2 days now and I feel kind of “off” (granted I’ve felt off for 2 months now) and I’m so scared of experiencing it and not realizing it. Anyone on similar combinations that can ease my mind? - -Tldr; Worried about serotonin syndrome after reading about not mixing Celexa and Buspirone (major health anxiety)",1,backstory diagnosed panic disorder gad since young child spent past year zoloft time high 00mg day year ago put buspirone zoloft changed life stable past year health anxiety got wayyy control diagnosing terminal illness year therapy actually enjoyed first time life got zoloft switched 0mg celexa combined mg buspirone 0mg night graduated therapy finally felt almost normal got covid felt like shit made flash forward month later developed costochondritis rib cartilage muscle inflammation thought breast cancer sent f n spiraling since shortness breath constantly heart palpitation went dr far everything fine waiting heart holter result everything chalked anxiety multiple full blown panic attack past week wit end saw psych went 0mg celexa come actual issue accidentally read serotonin syndrome celexa buspirone never given together brought psych worried day feel kind granted felt month scared experiencing realizing anyone similar combination ease mind tldr worried serotonin syndrome reading mixing celexa buspirone major health anxiety -"Hi, I hope this is the right place for this. I have been suffering with anxiety for a while, the last month or so have been particularly bad which is affecting my work, my relationship with my family (snappy/extremely irritable, tired, no focus). I reached out to my doctor last week after a particularly bad episode at a work event, who has prescribed Sertraline and advised a course of CBT. -No one else knows this, and I am anxious about telling my wife, which in turn is pushing my anxiety up further. I wondered if anyone else has been in the same situation, how did you approach it, every time I feel like it should be the time to say something I completely lose my bottle.",1,hi hope right place suffering anxiety last month particularly bad affecting work relationship family snappy extremely irritable tired focus reached doctor last week particularly bad episode work event prescribed sertraline advised course cbt one else know anxious telling wife turn pushing anxiety wondered anyone else situation approach every time feel like time say something completely lose bottle -" - -Low Dose Naltrexone has been shown to increase endorphin levels by up to 300%, so it can be extremely effective in helping people whose anxiety/depression is caused by endorphin deficiencies. - -According to a study by renowned researchers Norman Brown and Jaak Panskepp: - -“Since LDN can upregulate endogenous opioid activity, it may also have a role in promoting stress resilience, emotional well-being, as well as amelioration of psychiatric problems such as depression. It is proposed that LDN can be used effectively as a buffer for a large variety of bodily and mental ailments through its ability to beneficially modulate both the immune system and the brain neurochemistry's that regulate positive affect.” (full text can be found [here](https://vdocuments.net/ldn-for-disease-prevention-quality-of-life.html))",1,low dose naltrexone shown increase endorphin level 00 extremely effective helping people whose anxiety depression caused endorphin deficiency according study renowned researcher norman brown jaak panskepp since ldn upregulate endogenous opioid activity may also role promoting stress resilience emotional well well amelioration psychiatric problem depression proposed ldn used effectively buffer large variety bodily mental ailment ability beneficially modulate immune system brain neurochemistry regulate positive affect full text found http vdocuments net ldn disease prevention quality life html -"Hello all, - -I’ve been putting off getting my wisdom teeth out for years, but I finally mustered up the courage to get a consult with an oral surgeon. Long story short I’m getting one fully erupted tooth extracted with only local anesthesia. I opted for this because the idea of being put under makes me more anxious than the extraction itself. He said because it’s erupted he should be able to get it out within five minutes. - -Has anybody who has undergone a similar situation shed some light on whether it’s as simple/painless/quick as the doc led me to believe?",1,hello putting getting wisdom teeth year finally mustered courage get consult oral surgeon long story short getting one fully erupted tooth extracted local anesthesia opted idea put make anxious extraction said erupted able get within five minute anybody undergone similar situation shed light whether simple painless quick doc led believe -"…and sprint as far away from myself as possible. I want to slam my body into the ground and dissimilate into the millions of specs of dirt. I am on fire from the inside out! - -I cannot escape my anxiety and depression. Medicine doesn’t help. Therapy doesn’t help. My default is wanting desperately to do the things I want in life (go to class & be the student I know I can be, continue the job I was just hired on for) but being absolutely paralyzed by fear. No source recognizable, just a constant mind numbing fear completely debilitating my every waking second. The idea of being in class or anywhere away from complete solitude elicits physical responses. My muscles flex involuntarily. My inner dialogue struggles to complete sentences. - - -No one understands this isn’t my choice.",1,sprint far away possible want slam body ground dissimilate million spec dirt fire inside escape anxiety depression medicine help therapy help default wanting desperately thing want life go class amp student know continue job hired absolutely paralyzed fear source recognizable constant mind numbing fear completely debilitating every waking second idea class anywhere away complete solitude elicits physical response muscle flex involuntarily inner dialogue struggle complete sentence one understands choice -" I'm renting a room from a guy that I know from AA. I heard from others that he's very odd and clean, some even told me not to rent from him, but the area I'm in is in a housing crisis right now and I needed a place to land. - -We've had a lot of spats over very minor things, but he blows them up to a huge proportion. One thing that I did that was really bad was I accidentally left my space heater on while I was at work. I realize that's dangerous and costly, but I offered to pay the entire month's electricity (which he refused) and promised that it would never happen again. Recently I think he went through my drawers, but I can't prove it. He got really pissed off that I had a set of silverware in my room and gave me 30 days notice to leave. It got pretty heated and I said that I need to contact a lawyer because the things he's threatening to kick me out over are very minor and are basically personality things he doesn't like (I sleep in too late on my days off, he'll go through the trash and confront me about things he thinks I shouldn't be eating, I sleep with my TV on, etc.) - -We agreed on a move out date of June 20th, but the heat in the house is not dying down. I feel very unsafe living here, just because I don't know the next thing he's going to blow up over. I'm also moving to a new city in June, and I know that he's not going to give me a good review, especially after threatening a lawyer. This is a verbal agreement and I pay month-to-month, so I know some apartments don't count that as a real tenant history lease, though. Essentially it's like living with a friend for a couple of months. - -I'm so stressed out. This is on top of me finishing my Ph.D. and the pressure is insane. I've told my friends more things that have gone on here and they agree that this guy is ludicrous and unwell. What should I do? Am I truly in the wrong and I'm that bad of a roommate? I keep the house very clean, including the room that I pay for. I'm serious that I think he goes through my stuff...",1,renting room guy know aa heard others odd clean even told rent area housing crisis right needed place land lot spat minor thing blow huge proportion one thing really bad accidentally left space heater work realize dangerous costly offered pay entire month electricity refused promised would never happen recently think went drawer prove got really pissed set silverware room gave 0 day notice leave got pretty heated said need contact lawyer thing threatening kick minor basically personality thing like sleep late day go trash confront thing think eating sleep tv etc agreed move date june 0th heat house dying feel unsafe living know next thing going blow also moving new city june know going give good review especially threatening lawyer verbal agreement pay month month know apartment count real tenant history lease though essentially like living friend couple month stressed top finishing ph pressure insane told friend thing gone agree guy ludicrous unwell truly wrong bad roommate keep house clean including room pay serious think go stuff -"I am not happy that i am still not better, i have tried everything from working out, meditating, cutting off toxic people, exercise, being open and expressing myself truly, i only noticed that it's getting worst and i have realized for the past few months that i am having bad side effects from my meditation and my doctor didn't even wanted to let me cut of meditation and even lower my dosage but thank goodness he lowered it cause i was pissed, he is also the one that outed me to my father and my aunt (his sister) then to my mom that i was GAY and he is my 2nd doctor btw cause my first one was also dumb and didn't understand my problem. I am so tired of this feeling you know, A feeling that you don't wanna do stuff but just lay down and wanna cry, Also a feeling that you don't wanna do stuff or even eat. This feeling has been with me since 2019 now and even though i tried to be better it just becomes worst and complicated.I am running out of ideas on becoming better atp. Thank you for reading this, keep safe and take care.",1,happy still better tried everything working meditating cutting toxic people exercise open expressing truly noticed getting worst realized past month bad side effect meditation doctor even wanted let cut meditation even lower dosage thank goodness lowered cause pissed also one outed father aunt sister mom gay nd doctor btw cause first one also dumb understand problem tired feeling know feeling wan na stuff lay wan na cry also feeling wan na stuff even eat feeling since 0 9 even though tried better becomes worst complicated running idea becoming better atp thank reading keep safe take care -"I was strongly recommended by my therapist to return to a physical hobby for my mental health, and did so to great positive effect. I have severe anxiety and depression, and this hobby helps about as much as medication or talk therapy does (and both of those work decently well for me). I need all three at this point. - -It makes me do better at work all week, and helps prevent long slumps of mental health issues. If I miss a session, it affects me for days. - -Currently, I do this three times a week, and 1 day a week is during normal working hours. I either return to work after, or make up the work other days of the week. - -I have a very flexible schedule, am exempt, and have been at this job for over 9 years. It's after most of team I manage is offline for the day, but plenty of my other colleagues are still online and would theoretically want to have meetings. - -My office has no issue with things like a standing actual medical appointment, including therapy. - -The problem is, it looks like ""a fun thing"" (and it *is* a fun thing, it's just also essential for me continuing to function as a person and an employee). For reference, before I started this I was considering taking intermittent FMLA instead, which I've had to do in the past, and now that's unlikely. - -Any tips for talking about it? A ""recurring appointment"" is how I've framed it to people, and I *do* reschedule if it is in conflict with something essential. - -My new manager just asked to see the details of my calendar (my previous manager did not) and now I'm feeling anxious about what it's titled and how to describe it. - -Honestly, I'm now feeling anxious about *everything* I've put on my schedule that helps me work better and is within office policy allowance but is atypical (like 30 minute early-afternoon breaks that I block off as tentative because I often turn into a non-functional blob for a bit around 2pm).",1,strongly recommended therapist return physical hobby mental health great positive effect severe anxiety depression hobby help much medication talk therapy work decently well need three point make better work week help prevent long slump mental health issue miss session affect day currently three time week day week normal working hour either return work make work day week flexible schedule exempt job 9 year team manage offline day plenty colleague still online would theoretically want meeting office issue thing like standing actual medical appointment including therapy problem look like fun thing fun thing also essential continuing function person employee reference started considering taking intermittent fmla instead past unlikely tip talking recurring appointment framed people reschedule conflict something essential new manager asked see detail calendar previous manager feeling anxious titled describe honestly feeling anxious everything put schedule help work better within office policy allowance atypical like 0 minute early afternoon break block tentative often turn non functional blob bit around pm -"TW: vaccines. - -I got my booster yesterday and this is by far the worst I’ve felt, first dose I was 100% fine, second dose I had a super sore arm for 12 hours, but my booster is Pfizer, we had Moderna for the first 2. My body is just aching but we were warned of myocarditis of course as we’re in our late 20’s… and OFCOURSE my brain is fixed on I’m going to get it. I’m so stressed. Every little pain I’m like “this is it, this is gonna get me.”",1,tw vaccine got booster yesterday far worst felt first dose 00 fine second dose super sore arm hour booster pfizer moderna first body aching warned myocarditis course late 0 ofcourse brain fixed going get stressed every little pain like gon na get -"Hi friends. I stopped using weed and caffeine (25 and 6 days ago respectively) and I’ve seen my anxiety increase exponentially. Obviously I used both to kinda suppress my normal anxiety but now I’m going au natural and as you can tell it’s not going ideally. But I’m happy to have made the choice I did. - -I have felt a weird knot sensation in the right upper side of my abdomen, feels like it’s right under my rib cage, and occasional pains throughout my digestive system. I’ve been constipated for about 4 days too (I know, so much info) and while I’m able to still ~go~ I still feel a discomfort in my side, like someone took a five pound weight and just placed it on the side of me. Is this normal with anxiety? I haven’t started any antidepressants I’ve been prescribed because I want to see how naturally I can do this, but my mind is telling me withdrawals and to just be patient. But I don’t want to be too patient in case it’s something that I should have a doctor check out. Thoughts?",1,hi friend stopped using weed caffeine day ago respectively seen anxiety increase exponentially obviously used kinda suppress normal anxiety going au natural tell going ideally happy made choice felt weird knot sensation right upper side abdomen feel like right rib cage occasional pain throughout digestive system constipated day know much info able still go still feel discomfort side like someone took five pound weight placed side normal anxiety started antidepressant prescribed want see naturally mind telling withdrawal patient want patient case something doctor check thought -Anyone else experience an absurd amount of gas? Constantly burping. Discomfort in stomach and chest.,1,anyone else experience absurd amount gas constantly burping discomfort stomach chest -"TRIGGER WARNING: racism - -Do you know these situations where you react insecure and passive although you feel extremely uncomfortable. 2 years ago I was out with a group of people. One was a friend of mine and a few of them were more or less acquaintances. So there was this guy who got drunk and he started making “black jokes”. I am mixed-race (half German and half Afro-American). He became really offensive and insulting. He said stuff like “Oh I’m going to say it in YOUR language” and then he did those click-sounds which are common in (African) Khoisan languages. He was trying to act like “Oh I’m just joking. Don’t take me serious” but he wouldn’t stop. I felt so uncomfortable and I was really angry, but I was also insecure. I was giggling nervously and just wanted to change the topic. But he kept making stupid jokes about me. In the end I paid my drinks and went home but I acted like everything was fine. It’s been 2 years and I can’t stop thinking about it. I keep overthinking of how I should have reacted and I feel so ashamed of myself, whenever I remember this situation. - -Tbh what disappointed me the most was that nobody really said anything. Someone at the table just said: Oh just ignore him. He’s an idiot and they laughed. - -A few days later someone -told me that everyone felt really uncomfortable - yet no one said anything! - -I feel like it’s difficult for me to let this go. And it took me a almost 2 years to realize how bad this situation actually was. - -Maybe someone can relate or made a similar experience.",1,trigger warning racism know situation react insecure passive although feel extremely uncomfortable year ago group people one friend mine le acquaintance guy got drunk started making black joke mixed race half german half afro american became really offensive insulting said stuff like oh going say language click sound common african khoisan language trying act like oh joking take serious stop felt uncomfortable really angry also insecure giggling nervously wanted change topic kept making stupid joke end paid drink went home acted like everything fine year stop thinking keep overthinking reacted feel ashamed whenever remember situation tbh disappointed nobody really said anything someone table said oh ignore idiot laughed day later someone told everyone felt really uncomfortable yet one said anything feel like difficult let go took almost year realize bad situation actually maybe someone relate made similar experience -"I have trouble falling asleep. I need something to regulate my sleep cycle. - -Back in the day I took Zopiclone, which was good at putting me to sleep, but early awakenings were somewhat annoying. - -I would like to hear the experiences of people who have taken Zopiclone and other Z-Drugs & Benzodiazepines! How did they compare? Which do you ""like"" the most?",1,trouble falling asleep need something regulate sleep cycle back day took zopiclone good putting sleep early awakening somewhat annoying would like hear experience people taken zopiclone z drug amp benzodiazepine compare like -"Like the title says I’m doing bad at work. I work as a Claims Adjuster for a big insurance company and I’m really bad at it. The job requires a tremendous amount of organization and I just simply do not have those skills. It’s my first big job out of college and I’m failing. Its embarrassing and It’s crushing my confidence. I constantly worry about my job security. Being this anxious all the time is making me run out of steam quickly. I find it hard to even force myself to look for another job bc of the little free time I get and how tired I am at the end of the day. I feel like a burden to my parents and girlfriend because I constantly vent/ break down to them. I did start seeing a therapist recently and he’s helped but it feels like it builds up a lot until I get to talk it out with him. -What trigged me to write this today is I made another fuck up at work and had to tell my boss. She’s extremely nice but had to be honest with me that my performance could result in “corrective action”. I know that doesn’t mean termination exactly but that is definitely on the table. I have so many cases and I just know there’s at least a couple more fuck ups in there that I haven’t found yet. I feel like it’s inevitable that I get let go and I’m just not prepared to deal with the embarrassment of it. It’s eating at me.",1,like title say bad work work claim adjuster big insurance company really bad job requires tremendous amount organization simply skill first big job college failing embarrassing crushing confidence constantly worry job security anxious time making run steam quickly find hard even force look another job bc little free time get tired end day feel like burden parent girlfriend constantly vent break start seeing therapist recently helped feel like build lot get talk trigged write today made another fuck work tell bos extremely nice honest performance could result corrective action know mean termination exactly definitely table many case know least couple fuck ups found yet feel like inevitable get let go prepared deal embarrassment eating -pls answerrr,1,pls answerrr -"I have SEVERE Cardiophobia due to two traumatic weeks of my life. I suffer from Hyperthyroidism which causes intense palpitations and very high RHR. the first bout happened back in 2018 and my RHR was in the 120s-130s. Got put on an anti thyroid med, a beta blocker (Metoprolol ER 25mg), and potassium. Helped out TREMENDOUSLY and I’ll be honest, was never anxious until this second round. In July/August of 2019, I made the stupid ass mistake of stopping ALL of my medications because I was feeling good again. - -Well, wouldn’t ya know it, come February 2020, my thyroid went hyperactive again and the difference is, this time I have crippling anxiety AS WELL AS crippling cardiophobia. It got to the point that I went to my cardiologist, had a panic attack and during the EKG my pulse was 160, so now I’m on Metoprolol ER 25mg x2 a day and my thyroid has improved (at least since the last time my levels got checked) so now I’m on 2.5mg of Methimazole instead of the 5mg I was on the first round of treatment. - -Fast forward to now, and all I have to say is the last couple days, as well as today, has been quite the day so far. I’m currently at my girlfriend’s house and wanted to go home since yesterday I was too lightheaded to drive and it would’ve been a horrible decision to risk it. Well, we’re getting ready to leave and as soon as I stand up the ol’ kicker decides to kick it into high gear and my pulse went from the 80s-90s(which I know is quite high but was already a bit anxious beforehand) and decided I needed to be up in the 120s-140s for the fuck of it. Needless to say, I feel the comedown of all the anxiety and man does it suck. Hoping I get to be back home today so I can have the peace of mind that I won’t have to leave to go anywhere for a bit. - -P.S my girlfriend and I live 45 minutes apart, I would’ve for sure chanced driving if we lived closer but that’s a long ass time in a car when you feel like you’re just gonna drop at any given moment",1,severe cardiophobia due two traumatic week life suffer hyperthyroidism cause intense palpitation high rhr first bout happened back 0 rhr 0 0 got put anti thyroid med beta blocker metoprolol er mg potassium helped tremendously honest never anxious second round july august 0 9 made stupid as mistake stopping medication feeling good well ya know come february 0 0 thyroid went hyperactive difference time crippling anxiety well crippling cardiophobia got point went cardiologist panic attack ekg pulse 0 metoprolol er mg x day thyroid improved least since last time level got checked mg methimazole instead mg first round treatment fast forward say last couple day well today quite day far currently girlfriend house wanted go home since yesterday lightheaded drive would horrible decision risk well getting ready leave soon stand ol kicker decides kick high gear pulse went 0 90 know quite high already bit anxious beforehand decided needed 0 0 fuck needle say feel comedown anxiety man suck hoping get back home today peace mind leave go anywhere bit p girlfriend live minute apart would sure chanced driving lived closer long as time car feel like gon na drop given moment -"So I won’t bore you with all the details but basically my life was going so well in 2019 finally, I was in college, had friends, was finally starting to date, was genuinely enjoying life for the first time in my life. Then of course a once in a century event happens that destroys everything, and I had to do remote work for 2 straight years. Suffered through it, graduated, and now I got a somewhat mediocre sales job making 40K a year. My life has never returned to the way it was. My social life was destroyed, I’m a 24 year old guy and have never been in a relationship (I was a late bloomer and was just starting to date in college) and work is such a grind, I really dislike it.. I have goals but I don’t even know where to start. To top it all off ever since the pandemic I have severe insomnia and always wake up at 4 AM randomly and have to take melatonin to sleep. Anyone else relate to this",1,bore detail basically life going well 0 9 finally college friend finally starting date genuinely enjoying life first time life course century event happens destroys everything remote work straight year suffered graduated got somewhat mediocre sale job making 0k year life never returned way social life destroyed year old guy never relationship late bloomer starting date college work grind really dislike goal even know start top ever since pandemic severe insomnia always wake randomly take melatonin sleep anyone else relate -"Hi everyone, - -I fly home from Calgary to Vancouver on Sunday; it’s about an hour flight. I suffer from GAD, and am constantly fearing the worst. - -I have minor asthma, I’ve never had an asthma attack; but I do have a rescue inhaler, and I do take a maintenance inhaler everyday to prevent anything from happening. - -I read somewhere that there’s less oxygen in flight, and am worried about what would happen if I had an asthma attack? Would I be ok? Would I be able to survive that hour flight? - -Please re assure me :(",1,hi everyone fly home calgary vancouver sunday hour flight suffer gad constantly fearing worst minor asthma never asthma attack rescue inhaler take maintenance inhaler everyday prevent anything happening read somewhere le oxygen flight worried would happen asthma attack would ok would able survive hour flight please assure -"I was suffering from walking up in the morning in absolute terror not long after starting this. That has subsided, but now when I take this when I go to bed, if I don't fall asleep within 30 mins I get racing thoughts and confusion, and none of the thoughts make any sense as in they are not logical. Does anyone else have these issues? Trying to figure out if it's the drug or me?",1,suffering walking morning absolute terror long starting subsided take go bed fall asleep within 0 min get racing thought confusion none thought make sense logical anyone else issue trying figure drug -The last time i checked my weight was around 2-3 weeks ago and it was around 44kg (97lbs). My anxiety has been really bad for the past few weeks too but today i decided to check my weight and i lost 2kg. I think i've been eating the same amount everyday so is it really my anxiety that caused my weight to go down? or i might have disease i'm not aware of?,1,last time checked weight around week ago around kg 9 lb anxiety really bad past week today decided check weight lost kg think eating amount everyday really anxiety caused weight go might disease aware -"Hiii, I hope you’re having a good day (or night)! -I’ve been under anxiolytics since december 2021. As it is a pretty « strong » one, I can’t use this for too long. So I slowly lowered the dose. Now I take 1/2 pill per day (I started at 4 pills per day). Problem : I’m strugguling to completly stop. Is it normal if anxiety kinda come back when you stop a medical treatement ?? - -Thanks - -Ps: sorry if my english is bad, it’s not my native language",1,hiii hope good day night anxiolytic since december 0 pretty strong one use long slowly lowered dose take pill per day started pill per day problem strugguling completly stop normal anxiety kinda come back stop medical treatement thanks p sorry english bad native language -I just came back from running and I feel a bit anxious and I realized I always do after doing exercise.,1,came back running feel bit anxious realized always exercise -"T/W- stalking - -So the other week I had a late docs appointment and whilst I was walking a man started following me. It obvious scared the shit out of me and my heart was racing and I felt jelly legs and I was in tears. - -Fast forward a couple of weeks and I’ve started getting a racing heartbeat and feeling faint etc, having the feeling only when I’m out by myself So I know they’re panic attacks but they only happen when I go out by myself. Even if it’s from the bus stop to home. I’m guessing that it may be from what happened. - -Are there any tips people have for trying to battle this ? -Im seeing a therapist soon but want some extra advice whilst I wait for it",1,w stalking week late doc appointment whilst walking man started following obvious scared shit heart racing felt jelly leg tear fast forward couple week started getting racing heartbeat feeling faint etc feeling know panic attack happen go even bus stop home guessing may happened tip people trying battle im seeing therapist soon want extra advice whilst wait -"My 13 year old daughters biological father and his family are all abusive and narcissistic. We are a year no contact now but she continues to have no changes with constant insecurities, fears, anxiety, depression, headaches, confusion, control.... It's almost like she is addicted to her anxiety. Need advice on what to do to help her break this cycle. She is pushing all of her feelings that have been broken from abuse and inadvertently teaching her 3 younger sisters to be the same way. - -My stamina in the matter is getting thin. Her anxiety makes mine shoot through the roof. Especially when she knows when she is being VERY unreasonable about several repeating subjects and then continues being unreasonable while trying to hide that she is enjoying it.",1,year old daughter biological father family abusive narcissistic year contact continues change constant insecurity fear anxiety depression headache confusion control almost like addicted anxiety need advice help break cycle pushing feeling broken abuse inadvertently teaching younger sister way stamen matter getting thin anxiety make mine shoot roof especially know unreasonable several repeating subject continues unreasonable trying hide enjoying -"Hi all , I’m a 20 year old male with diagnosed anxiety , depression and ADD (a form of ADHD minus external hyperactivity) - -I’m not entirely sure what this post is, other than I’d just like to share what I feel like often. I think it would be interesting to hear if this is relatable to anyone else or if I can possibly provide some form of way to help others understand how they can explain what they’re dealing with ? - -Firstly a majority of my life is cut short due to the symptoms alone of anxiety , sweating profusely is by far the WORST for me. As it stands already I have a condition called hyper-hydrosis simply meaning that I sweat far more than normal. This combined with my 24/7 feeling of anxiety no matter how big or small , means I’m constantly sweating , as I type this I’m having to wipe my screen dry , my under arms are dripping etc and all I’m doing is sitting down. Anxiety comes with tons of insecurities , and in my experience hygiene is the biggest killer. I Shower everyday which is relatively normal , but due to the amount I sweat , I often have to rinse myself to feel clean again. More often than not I’ll end up needing 2 showers within 2 hours because of this. I can’t enjoy myself being around people knowing that I potentially smell due to my severe sweating. This tends to mean jackets and long sleeves to prevent any possible smell being noticeable , and of course in return the extra layers means even more sweat. Without dragging on too much on one topic here , this applies to things like ; breathe , Skin cleanliness , teeth conditions etc almost everything you can be insecure about , I’m insecure about it. - -ADD will often feel (this is as best as I can personally describe it) like there is some sort of ticking clock that is always close to hitting 0 , even when things are going slow , or I’m feeling relatively relaxed , I often feel as if I’m pressured by time in some sort of way , this by itself is a nightmare to live with, not to mention the never ending troubles that come with ADD (but that’s more subjective to me so I’ll move on) - -Now having that , combined with my anxiety is sometimes unbearable. The most simple of task for example pulling up arriving somewhere , and grabbing your bag and belongings before stepping out the vehicle , it’s never that simple “People are waiting for me I need to hurry up” “My mum wants to go home I gotta speed up” I need to hurry up there’s other drivers probably being forced to stop because I’m gathering my things and so on …. Often will end up in such a panic that I’ll leave the car leaving behind a large amount of my items. - -Answering a phone call , for whatever reason phone calls send me into such a panic that I automatically hang up at any given moment , it could even be mid sentence. I always feel incredibly rude , and it’s the exact opposite of my intention , as with my anxiety , being a good person and not being judged or disliked is something so important to me. Phone calls alone I have 1000 thoughts going on “make sure you sound interested” “you’re gunna freeze up” “oh god it’s going to get awkward” “am I speaking too much” “am I trying too hard with it” “okay just relax” I can go on for a long time :/ - -These are just some odd examples of tons and tons of things that I deal with , and what everyone here deals with as well. Really I just hope this post has given someone an idea that they’re not alone with it , which is a statement I find relatively comedic as nobody truly knows how you actually feel , and they never ever will. However even in feeling alone , you still aren’t alone , nobody is alone. My heart goes out to every person that deals with this. - -Can only apologise if any of this is hard to understand or Isn’t very clear , putting thoughts into words is something that I think we all find probably the most difficult thing to do):",1,hi 0 year old male diagnosed anxiety depression add form adhd minus external hyperactivity entirely sure post like share feel like often think would interesting hear relatable anyone else possibly provide form way help others understand explain dealing firstly majority life cut short due symptom alone anxiety sweating profusely far worst stand already condition called hyper hydrosis simply meaning sweat far normal combined feeling anxiety matter big small mean constantly sweating type wipe screen dry arm dripping etc sitting anxiety come ton insecurity experience hygiene biggest killer shower everyday relatively normal due amount sweat often rinse feel clean often end needing shower within hour enjoy around people knowing potentially smell due severe sweating tends mean jacket long sleeve prevent possible smell noticeable course return extra layer mean even sweat without dragging much one topic applies thing like breathe skin cleanliness teeth condition etc almost everything insecure insecure add often feel best personally describe like sort ticking clock always close hitting 0 even thing going slow feeling relatively relaxed often feel pressured time sort way nightmare live mention never ending trouble come add subjective move combined anxiety sometimes unbearable simple task example pulling arriving somewhere grabbing bag belonging stepping vehicle never simple people waiting need hurry mum want go home got ta speed need hurry driver probably forced stop gathering thing often end panic leave car leaving behind large amount item answering phone call whatever reason phone call send panic automatically hang given moment could even mid sentence always feel incredibly rude exact opposite intention anxiety good person judged disliked something important phone call alone 000 thought going make sure sound interested gunna freeze oh god going get awkward speaking much trying hard okay relax go long time odd example ton ton thing deal everyone deal well really hope post given someone idea alone statement find relatively comedic nobody truly know actually feel never ever however even feeling alone still alone nobody alone heart go every person deal apologise hard understand clear putting thought word something think find probably difficult thing -"I had struggled with this decision for months, and finally I did it today! I think I had been thinking a lot about how to say it, and what my boss would say and I didn't even think about how I would feel after doing it (maybe bc deep down I kinda knew I was postponing it for a long time, kinda surprised myself today when I did it). The thing is I'm just really weirded out bc I know it's the best for me (and my boss even said so, that there´'s in fact no room for growth there) but I think my discomfort comes from a deep attachment to this routine I've had for almost 2 years (even if it wasn't the best), and not knowing what's gonna happen with my job life from now on (bc I don't have a new one yet) - -&#x200B; - -Anyway, don't wanna let my anxiety win and revolve around this weird feeling, bc I think I should be proud of myself for taking the matter into my own hands for once and for all - -&#x200B; - -If you read this, hi and ty",1,struggled decision month finally today think thinking lot say bos would say even think would feel maybe bc deep kinda knew postponing long time kinda surprised today thing really weirded bc know best bos even said fact room growth think discomfort come deep attachment routine almost year even best knowing gon na happen job life bc new one yet amp x 00b anyway wan na let anxiety win revolve around weird feeling bc think proud taking matter hand amp x 00b read hi ty -"sorry if this is the wrong place but i couldnt think where else to ask lol. this is a UK based question. i got prescribed meds during a phone appointment the other day. when they said they would ""send the prescription in the post"" i thought they might mean the medication itself and was kind of surprised, but now i think they just meant i'd get sent the prescription form in an envelope (bc that's what's arrived) but they didn't say anything about what to do with it or where to take it. i've only ever been handed a prescription in person with instructions of which pharmacy to collect from and am kind of clueless right now. has anybody had this happen or know what to do? can i just take it to any pharmacy?",1,sorry wrong place couldnt think else ask lol uk based question got prescribed med phone appointment day said would send prescription post thought might mean medication kind surprised think meant get sent prescription form envelope bc arrived say anything take ever handed prescription person instruction pharmacy collect kind clueless right anybody happen know take pharmacy -"I'm nearing the end of a long project that I have worked on from the end of last November, and my body is trying to shut down to prevent me from doing it. I know this fatigue is psychosomatic, there is no physical source for it, but trying to ignore it can only take me so far. - -If I could work at the same peak rate I did around January and Feburary, I would've finished this thing already a week ago, and knowing that pisses me off. Every single day I manage to do half of what I planned to do, and no matter how hard I push myself, I can't do six hours' worth of work in 16. - -Even if I sit my ass down and tell myself I am not getting up before this fucking thing is finished, it runs me ragged. At worst, trying to force myself to pick up my tools and move my hands, I get so tired I get out of breath from just sitting at a desk. - -I'm perfectly healthy and in my late 20s and I KNOW this is psychosomatic, but no matter what I try, I can't get myself to fight my way through it. Without this, I would've been finished long ago. - -How do I make this stop?",1,nearing end long project worked end last november body trying shut prevent know fatigue psychosomatic physical source trying ignore take far could work peak rate around january feburary would finished thing already week ago knowing piss every single day manage half planned matter hard push six hour worth work even sit as tell getting fucking thing finished run ragged worst trying force pick tool move hand get tired get breath sitting desk perfectly healthy late 0 know psychosomatic matter try get fight way without would finished long ago make stop -"About a year ago, I started getting anxious when I heard people yelling. It doesn’t happen when I’m being yelled at, only when it’s other people arguing, or sometimes even just loud talking even if it’s isn’t fighting. It’s gotten much worse, to the point of me shaking and crying when I hear yelling. I don’t understand it. I don’t have much of a past with yelling as far as I know, so I’m not sure why this could be happening, especially so suddenly. There isn’t much I can do to stop people from yelling, because no one listens when I say it makes me anxious, and my only way to really block it out is loud music which I can’t always have, but I feel like at least knowing what could be causing this would help me feel at least a bit more… normal? Understood? If anyone knows what this could be caused by, or anything that could ease it even in the slightest bit (maybe a form of music or something else), please share it with me, I’d be very grateful. Also, I don’t have access to a therapist currently, as mine just moved and I didn’t get much time to talk to her about it.",1,year ago started getting anxious heard people yelling happen yelled people arguing sometimes even loud talking even fighting gotten much worse point shaking cry hear yelling understand much past yelling far know sure could happening especially suddenly much stop people yelling one listens say make anxious way really block loud music always feel like least knowing could causing would help feel least bit normal understood anyone know could caused anything could ease even slightest bit maybe form music something else please share grateful also access therapist currently mine moved get much time talk -"I just got back from a hour cycle enjoying the sun, and i got in and had lunch and i started to feel so fatigued, uneasy, head fogginess, its the strangest feeling to explain but its so horrible. Ive had this feeling a few times before. Its like ill sit on the sofa and ill have no will to move, and the thought of getting up is overwhelming - -It feels like my health anxiety worries over normal stuff like being fatigued, if i think more rationally and consider ive been going on 1-2 hour cycle rides for the past 5 days and ive been sleeping like crap, ive been doing something quite intensive and then not allowing my body to recover through dodgy sleep, plus on top of bad anxiety what is already quite exhausting",1,got back hour cycle enjoying sun got lunch started feel fatigued uneasy head fogginess strangest feeling explain horrible ive feeling time like ill sit sofa ill move thought getting overwhelming feel like health anxiety worry normal stuff like fatigued think rationally consider ive going hour cycle ride past day ive sleeping like crap ive something quite intensive allowing body recover dodgy sleep plus top bad anxiety already quite exhausting -"While hungover and puking in the shower, I would often congratulate myself for being witty at a party the previous night. Wasn’t it so funny when I yelled, “who cares about the planet anyway” while I puked into the recycling? People laughed. For 17 years before my first drink I hated myself for being socially inept. - -I hate being shy. - -When I drink I’m not shy. - -After eight years of heavy drinking I began to accept that what I was feeling was social anxiety and it was not going away. After another two years I began to accept that I had developed a new problem while trying to overcome anxiety. Another two years - I finally quit drinking. On my 173rd day sober I admitted to myself that I hate the person I am when I drink. I’ve spent 30 years hating the person I am when I’m sober, so where does this leave me now? - -Day 106 of my sobriety was Friendsgiving. Sara made bourbon sweet potatoes that tasted too strongly of bourbon. I always preferred rye whiskey. I spent a lot of that night sucking a fruit flavored vape pen, the vice I took up in lieu of drinking. On our way home Tolemy apologized for getting too drunk, but I didn’t mind. He remembers better than I do all the times I got too drunk.",1,hungover puking shower would often congratulate witty party previous night funny yelled care planet anyway puked recycling people laughed year first drink hated socially inept hate shy drink shy eight year heavy drinking began accept feeling social anxiety going away another two year began accept developed new problem trying overcome anxiety another two year finally quit drinking rd day sober admitted hate person drink spent 0 year hating person sober leave day 0 sobriety friendsgiving sara made bourbon sweet potato tasted strongly bourbon always preferred rye whiskey spent lot night sucking fruit flavored vape pen vice took lieu drinking way home tolemy apologized getting drunk mind remembers better time got drunk -"My body feels weird. It feels like my leg muscles are electric. Sometimes they feel a bit tingly or it feels like I can feel blood rushing through my legs. I’m scared if it’s something bad or if I have a disease or diabetes. Im freaking out. I can feel my legs pulsating. And they feel a bit sore even though I don’t remember doing any activity that would cause soreness. -I’ve just been very anxious this whole week and idk what to do anymore. I Lowkey was feeling fine for a couple months trying to ignore everything and this week it all came back to me. I’m scared. -I can’t catch a break this week. Everyday I’m freaking out over something.",1,body feel weird feel like leg muscle electric sometimes feel bit tingly feel like feel blood rushing leg scared something bad disease diabetes im freaking feel leg pulsating feel bit sore even though remember activity would cause soreness anxious whole week idk anymore lowkey feeling fine couple month trying ignore everything week came back scared catch break week everyday freaking something -"Reassure me I am fine. My overactive mind is annoying. I have been working graveyard shift at a food production plant. The bosses seem to really like me and have been training me on better paying positions in the plant. I have always been on time since I started in December. Today I somehow didn’t hear my alarm go off. Woke up after my shift was supposed to to start, so I called and told them I was having car troubles and I wouldn’t make it in. - -I guess my body was so exhausted I just didn’t wake up. Graveyard shift is new to me and my body still isn’t used to it. I ended up sleeping a total of 12 hours, as I went right back to sleep after calling in. I must have been really sleep deprived. Totally unlike me to do and now I am just anxious about going in tomorrow. There were some people missing multiple times a week and they got let go recently, which is what makes me anxious.",1,reassure fine overactive mind annoying working graveyard shift food production plant boss seem really like training better paying position plant always time since started december today somehow hear alarm go woke shift supposed start called told car trouble make guess body exhausted wake graveyard shift new body still used ended sleeping total hour went right back sleep calling must really sleep deprived totally unlike anxious going tomorrow people missing multiple time week got let go recently make anxious -"I absolutely hate having my picture taken. Right now, I'm going through an especially hard time. My meds have been changed and I'm in the early stages, so going through the side effects with none of the benefits. And I'm informed that they are doing company pictures tomorrow. The one day I agreed to work in the office. I also have an appointment with a hand surgeon to schedule surgery on my right hand tomorrow. I type for a living, so I'm living in dread that they can't fix my hand and will make it worse. Because that's what anxiety does. - -So, what do I do? I just had a complete breakdown. I work from home, so only my husband saw, fortunately. And I cancelled working in the office tomorrow. I had planned it that way to be closer to the appointment, but screw them, I'm not going to let them do this to me. - -Anxiety, depression and ADHD all at the same time just sucks.",1,absolutely hate picture taken right going especially hard time med changed early stage going side effect none benefit informed company picture tomorrow one day agreed work office also appointment hand surgeon schedule surgery right hand tomorrow type living living dread fix hand make worse anxiety complete breakdown work home husband saw fortunately cancelled working office tomorrow planned way closer appointment screw going let anxiety depression adhd time suck -"Hey guys, - -I'm a very anxious person and do get anxious quite often. As some of you may have as well, my anxiety is often followed with sharp chest pain that will happen there and there for a couple of minutes. - -However, I was just wondering if this ever happened to anyone. My right side of my chest is swollen - just above the breast and it goes down until the middle of my chest. That's the only part where it hurts and the rest is just swollen and I have this tight feeling in my chest. - -I have no trouble breathing but it hurts to do so. Anyone have this when they are anxious? - -FYI I was also diagnosed with Costochronditis a couple of months ago",1,hey guy anxious person get anxious quite often may well anxiety often followed sharp chest pain happen couple minute however wondering ever happened anyone right side chest swollen breast go middle chest part hurt rest swollen tight feeling chest trouble breathing hurt anyone anxious fyi also diagnosed costochronditis couple month ago -"Hope all is well. - -This is my first time posting but would like to first take the time to say that I have been actively reading in this sub for the better half of a year since my generalized anxiety started to take over my life. - -A little backstory I am ***(22M, 5'10 175lb)*** and went to Texas Tech. Throughout college, I was on a pretty strong dose of ADD meds. ***70mg Vyvanse*** which if none of you have taken ADD meds is like the pinnacle of ADD meds at the highest dose. I literally felt like God when I was on them. I say this because I would drink a lot on them, do cocaine, I was in a frat. Vyvanse was amazing because you literally could never get drunk. Also, I was incredibly fit even though I drank so much. I would work out all the time but never wanted to eat but I was shredded. I was also super social and had this crazy fucking sex drive. Not lying, I could stay rock hard for easy two hours and would be told to stop because the girl was too worn out. Not tryna to sound cool, but I am trying to paint this picture of how powerful this drug was. - -But after about 3 years of that, I graduated back in May and everything went downhill. I started to have severe panic attacks, a rapid heartbeat, crazy ***high blood pressure (182/134)*** which sent me to the hospital. Finally went to the doctor and she said first that NY old doctor should lose her license forever prescribing me that high of a dose and that since I had taken the Vyvanse for so long and binge drinking, I have completely drained my brain of any serotonin. **Diagnosis: Severe Generalized Anxiety Disorder.** - -Initially was put on Lexapro, but that shit gave me really scary suicidal ideations especially coming from someone that had never once even considered that an idea. I have moved to ***Celexa 5mg, then 10mg, then 20mg, finally now 40mg*** which is what I have been at for 3 months and it has been amazing I am perfectly fine. - -I had discussed initially with my doctor that eventually I would want to get back on ADD meds because I do have pretty bad ADD and was about to enter nursing school. She told me that once we get the anxiety under control then we can get ADD meds. So about 3 months ago I was anxiety-free. Some minor episodes of just feeling anxious but no panic attack and she had given me ***0.25mg Xanax for emergency use*** which kills those few and far between episodes immediately. - -2 months ago I was finally prescribed ***Focalin 5mg IR x2 a day and Wellbutrin SR 150mg x2 daily*** right when I wake up. - -So I currently take ***40mg Celexa 1/day, Focalin 5mg IR 2/day, Welbutrin SR 150mg 2/day.*** - -Everything is perfect except for one problem now... I CANNOT FINISH sexually and it is hard to keep an erection. Like I don't even think about sex anymore which sucks because I am 23, good-looking, have no issue with women (Tinder, Bumble, Hinge). But this is a serious issue because I am normally overly sexual. - -Sorry for the long rant, but I wanted you all to have the best understanding possible of what is going on and if anyone can relate. I am meeting with my doctor next week to discuss but am just sad because in the past 2 weeks 6 different women have asked me why I can't stay hard/finish. Which hands down the most embarrassing thing because they all think it is because of them. I would also like to say that I regularly work out, am very fit, lean build, and do like to drink when I am with these women. The drinking just makes it so much more fun for me. So idk if the drinking has any effect on this issue. I haven't tried not drinking which I will test tonight when I see one of them. - -Thank you again for reading this far. - -TL/DR: sex issues on celexa, wellbutrin, and focalin. I do drink when I am having these issues but, drinking makes the sex so much more enjoyable lol.",1,hope well first time posting would like first take time say actively reading sub better half year since generalized anxiety started take life little backstory 0 lb went texas tech throughout college pretty strong dose add med 0mg vyvanse none taken add med like pinnacle add med highest dose literally felt like god say would drink lot cocaine frat vyvanse amazing literally could never get drunk also incredibly fit even though drank much would work time never wanted eat shredded also super social crazy fucking sex drive lying could stay rock hard easy two hour would told stop girl worn tryna sound cool trying paint picture powerful drug year graduated back may everything went downhill started severe panic attack rapid heartbeat crazy high blood pressure sent hospital finally went doctor said first ny old doctor lose license forever prescribing high dose since taken vyvanse long binge drinking completely drained brain serotonin diagnosis severe generalized anxiety disorder initially put lexapro shit gave really scary suicidal ideation especially coming someone never even considered idea moved celexa mg 0mg 0mg finally 0mg month amazing perfectly fine discussed initially doctor eventually would want get back add med pretty bad add enter nursing school told get anxiety control get add med month ago anxiety free minor episode feeling anxious panic attack given 0 mg xanax emergency use kill far episode immediately month ago finally prescribed focalin mg ir x day wellbutrin sr 0mg x daily right wake currently take 0mg celexa day focalin mg ir day welbutrin sr 0mg day everything perfect except one problem finish sexually hard keep erection like even think sex anymore suck good looking issue woman tinder bumble hinge serious issue normally overly sexual sorry long rant wanted best understanding possible going anyone relate meeting doctor next week discus sad past week different woman asked stay hard finish hand embarrassing thing think would also like say regularly work fit lean build like drink woman drinking make much fun idk drinking effect issue tried drinking test tonight see one thank reading far tl dr sex issue celexa wellbutrin focalin drink issue drinking make sex much enjoyable lol -"Edit: I realize maybe I write too much, you don't need to read it to answer the question @-@ In a way I needed to vent also thats what a lot of this is but I can only put one flair - -I have heavy anxiety, social and general? I think it's called, not sure.. I avoid going anywhere as much as I can, I get very anxious around new people and absolutely hate it.. and then I also have anxiety about my health, what if I am doing something wrong, etc.. I had medication once that I would take if I had a panic attack, but I don't have any more, it was a one time prescription after a visit to emergency care 😣 Depression also clouds my life.. my anxiety makes me depressed, issues about my identity make me depressed, and overall it's just awful, everything feels so awful and it's hard to feel happy about anything even though where I am right now, I asked to be.. I was seperated from my bf cause of family moving stuff, and I am with him again after months of being alone at my families place. For months I was looking forward to being here but I can't even be happy about it because my anxiety - -Mainly it is because of work. I have never had a job before and I am gonna start soon at a fast food place, yeah I know, amazing for someone like me.. I hate meeting new people everyday, I am scared I wont be able to learn quick enough or retain information, I really don't look forward to having to interact with people. I am scared to be treated like an outcast.. I'm trans and at the interview I let the interviewer call me ""she"" which I am not, but it was like whiplash (is that the right word?) and I couldn't say anything now I have to correct him when I call back because I was told to call back, but I am scared because it feels like correcting someone on pronouns makes a big deal.. I don't want it to be a big deal, but some people take it so personally.. It's not something I want brought up all the time honestly - -I don't want to be a push over, but I also don't want to be seen as ""too defensive"" :/ Another thing I am anxious about is my trips to work, I will have to take public transport and I have huge fear of something bad happening to me that I can't relax when going anywhere. And I am scared of being asked to come in on many days off and I don't like to say no but I also don't want to be asked to fill any shift whenever they want.. I said I am willing but honestly only 1 day extra a week I am not doing 7 days work no break thats awful.. I am scared I wont be able to make the decisions I want and fall to pressure - -Sorry if it's a lot to read and maybe I get off topic sometimes, my mind is a mess -I just want to know how some of you cope that work in jobs with a lot of customer interaction and people around :( I feel like I wont make it, like I will screw up big time or have a panic attack and I will just walk out because I can't keep my anxiety under control.. I want to get help but I really have no money. I want to find a better job but I have no experience in anything and everything that you don't need experience for is customer oriented or requires heavy lifting 😣 and I don't have the time either.. Having to get a job asap because my bf is paying for our accommodation right now and I need to help out so I need to do this but I feel like it's gonna take a toll on me and I don't know what to do",1,edit realize maybe write much need read answer question way needed vent also thats lot put one flair heavy anxiety social general think called sure avoid going anywhere much get anxious around new people absolutely hate also anxiety health something wrong etc medication would take panic attack one time prescription visit emergency care depression also cloud life anxiety make depressed issue identity make depressed overall awful everything feel awful hard feel happy anything even though right asked seperated bf cause family moving stuff month alone family place month looking forward even happy anxiety mainly work never job gon na start soon fast food place yeah know amazing someone like hate meeting new people everyday scared wont able learn quick enough retain information really look forward interact people scared treated like outcast trans interview let interviewer call like whiplash right word say anything correct call back told call back scared feel like correcting someone pronoun make big deal want big deal people take personally something want brought time honestly want push also want seen defensive another thing anxious trip work take public transport huge fear something bad happening relax going anywhere scared asked come many day like say also want asked fill shift whenever want said willing honestly day extra week day work break thats awful scared wont able make decision want fall pressure sorry lot read maybe get topic sometimes mind mess want know cope work job lot customer interaction people around feel like wont make like screw big time panic attack walk keep anxiety control want get help really money want find better job experience anything everything need experience customer oriented requires heavy lifting time either get job asap bf paying accommodation right need help need feel like gon na take toll know -Ladies…. Do you feel like your meds don’t work at all during your period ? I swear every month around my period and while I’m on it I’m a absolute anxious/depressed mess!,1,lady feel like med work period swear every month around period absolute anxious depressed mess -What should I do? I am feeling down. I don’t know.,1,feeling know -"Heres the reason - -We used to stay in a nice house, everything went well for several years. All this time he (father) has been borrowing money in mother's name. Now, we stay in tiny home, fights everyday, mom in horrible health condition and he just sits and watches TV the whole fucking day. No way to pay back debt, he doesnt care about me or my mother at all. He speaks to others like he is thier owner and they are his slave. No care for anyone, just smokes all day. My life is ruined. I have no one to talk to, no real friends, and about to relapse into old bad coping mechanisms. I dont know why I am living, but once I graduate I want to take my Mom and go away from him forever. I live scared thinking and hoping he doesnt abuse my mother (he does, but not physically). Only way for me and my mom to recover is his death, or ours.",1,here reason used stay nice house everything went well several year time father borrowing money mother name stay tiny home fight everyday mom horrible health condition sits watch tv whole fucking day way pay back debt doesnt care mother speaks others like thier owner slave care anyone smoke day life ruined one talk real friend relapse old bad coping mechanism dont know living graduate want take mom go away forever live scared thinking hoping doesnt abuse mother physically way mom recover death -" - -Has anyone been prescribed Mirtazapine or Other Alpha-2 Receptor Antagonists to treat their anxiety? I would prefer not to use/start with SSRI's - -What was you experience?",1,anyone prescribed mirtazapine alpha receptor antagonist treat anxiety would prefer use start ssri experience -"I do. - -For your reference - I'm 24 now, pretty underweight, and I look like a 15yo. I know I'm not pretty physically - I have sunken cheeks, unwanted marks on my face, severely crooked teeth, stunted height. - -Here are some of my stories: - -Early high school, I visited a friend's house to finish a project. Her brothers were there and I heard them say, 'Thought she's a chick, but she's just a chicken' non verbatim. (Looking back, this sounds petty, but when people start making these comments when you're in that age you're still building that self confidence, it just breaks it all down into dust) - -Back in college, I vividly remember how I was walking past a group of guys. I have no one walking behind me and I'm pretty sure I was alone that time. Then I heard them say numbers out loud: -3, -1, -14. I just froze when I realised they were rating me based on my appearance. (Assholes, I know) And this happened not only once. - -Still in college, I was asked as a favor to be in an infograph because they said they 'liked' how I look. I was really excited to see it online, but when the infograph was released, they cut my face from the photo. They apologised for cutting my face because 'it didn't suit' the vibe. - -I have more but these are most of the memories I remember that keep me up at night. - -I also pieced it together how I think: - -meeting new people = they'll laugh at my face for being sooo ugly so I'll just avoid it for the rest of my life = ending up alone with my 345 hobbies and 67 pets - -My anxiety was bad. I would have panic attacks, I would shake, vomit, refuse to eat. But I'd also like to add that being ugly isn't the sole reason for my anxiety, ofc there's more but when you already have 0 self confidence and other problems, you know what happens. - -I'm in a (I think) better place now, and in this period where random people's opinion count less than it used to. (Getting braces soon too for my teeth!) And I would like to share these as a way to let it rest forever here and not in my mind. May we all attain peace of mind. - -RIP",1,reference pretty underweight look like yo know pretty physically sunken cheek unwanted mark face severely crooked teeth stunted height story early high school visited friend house finish project brother heard say thought chick chicken non verbatim looking back sound petty people start making comment age still building self confidence break dust back college vividly remember walking past group guy one walking behind pretty sure alone time heard say number loud froze realised rating based appearance asshole know happened still college asked favor infograph said liked look really excited see online infograph released cut face photo apologised cutting face suit vibe memory remember keep night also pieced together think meeting new people laugh face sooo ugly avoid rest life ending alone hobby pet anxiety bad would panic attack would shake vomit refuse eat also like add ugly sole reason anxiety ofc already 0 self confidence problem know happens think better place period random people opinion count le used getting brace soon teeth would like share way let rest forever mind may attain peace mind rip -I used to enjoy posting and just interacting with people but now I can’t bring myself to open it up. It’s just awful seeing posts and posts of people just living while I’m just existing stagnant. It all feels so counterfeit.,1,used enjoy posting interacting people bring open awful seeing post post people living existing stagnant feel counterfeit -" -He has cheated on me in the past we are working on making things smooth. He is tryig to be open and transparent which previously he didnt do - I can see the difference in him. - -He knows I'm a very paranoid being and with my anxiety I do become impulsive just about thinking him being around girls. I even asked him to not go. But he said he is ""just going there for fun and not to be around girls, If there was something fishy I wouldn't have even said you about girls being there"" - -The cheating part has left me being an over thinker and paranoid or controlling person. -I know I have to give some space in the relationship and try n trust him more but most of the time I act out of impulsiveness. - -The intrusive thoughts of past things he did keep running through my mind all day. And when I have these flashbacks I feel this rage and fit of anger and I think I shouldn't be with him because of the hurt he caused. I think to myself I wouldn't talk to him for sometime or so but I can't be away from him. It's like I'm betraying myself. - -The person he cheated on me with is a family friend so there is a high chance I might meet this person if i go around in any of party involving my bfs family the thought if just makes me go crazy. I know my bf is also at fault I feel the anger towards him as well. How do I handle this with maturity?? - -Tl;Dr- I was cheated on by my bf. We both are working on it. We are looking at this relationship for a long term one. So there isn't breaking up involved and that is not an option so we are trying to work on it but -The person he cheated on me with is a family friend so there is a high chance I might meet this person if i go around in any of party involving my bfs family the thought if just makes me go crazy. I know my bf is also at fault I feel the anger towards him as well. How do I handle this with maturity?? -I have also become very impulsive and a paranoid person I regards to the relationship.",1,cheated past working making thing smooth tryig open transparent previously didnt see difference know paranoid anxiety become impulsive thinking around girl even asked go said going fun around girl something fishy even said girl cheating part left thinker paranoid controlling person know give space relationship try n trust time act impulsiveness intrusive thought past thing keep running mind day flashback feel rage fit anger think hurt caused think talk sometime away like betraying person cheated family friend high chance might meet person go around party involving bfs family thought make go crazy know bf also fault feel anger towards well handle maturity tl dr cheated bf working looking relationship long term one breaking involved option trying work person cheated family friend high chance might meet person go around party involving bfs family thought make go crazy know bf also fault feel anger towards well handle maturity also become impulsive paranoid person regard relationship -I started a new job 3 months ago and every day since than I have had extremely bad anxiety to the point where I cry uncontrollably. I have tried meditating and letting my mind know it is okay to be feeling this way and acknowledging it but the more I do this the more I cry. The job itself yes it is stressful but when I am with a customer the anxiety goes away the thought of just having to go into work makes my anxiety go crazy and my mind immediately starts to trigger the fight or flight response and tells me to quit. Has anyone dealt with anything like this or have any advice as to how to overcome or at least calm down this anxious feeling of regretting having to go to work and crying nonstop about it?,1,started new job month ago every day since extremely bad anxiety point cry uncontrollably tried meditating letting mind know okay feeling way acknowledging cry job yes stressful customer anxiety go away thought go work make anxiety go crazy mind immediately start trigger fight flight response tell quit anyone dealt anything like advice overcome least calm anxious feeling regretting go work cry nonstop -"My account on a messaging app got hacked. While there's nothing illegal there, I used to be a very, very shitty person and I've written extensively about my terrible wrongdoings, attempts to get therapy, and make ammends/charity work. - -I know that this person is unlikely to leak my info. They seem to be using my account to scam my friends out of money. They're committing multiple felonies and I doubt they want to leak info and get caught. - -Still, all this makes me feel extremely anxious.",1,account messaging app got hacked nothing illegal used shitty person written extensively terrible wrongdoing attempt get therapy make ammends charity work know person unlikely leak info seem using account scam friend money committing multiple felony doubt want leak info get caught still make feel extremely anxious -"I used to have worse anxiety but it’s been better since I started on ADHD medication, but every time I now have even small amounts of anxiety that don’t even amount to an anxiety or panic attack the next day I get really really bad fatigue. Like I get out of breath from walking across the room and my legs ache despite doing nothing. I know tiredness after anxiety is normal but I’m getting this after even small amounts of anxiety when I didn’t have this before even after a day long anxiety attack. Is this normal or should I book a gp appointment because I end up having to take days off school because of it. - -(Btw I no longer have anxiety it really is just specific situations such as an anxiety attack about my phobia or even a phone call with a doctors appointment)",1,used worse anxiety better since started adhd medication every time even small amount anxiety even amount anxiety panic attack next day get really really bad fatigue like get breath walking across room leg ache despite nothing know tiredness anxiety normal getting even small amount anxiety even day long anxiety attack normal book gp appointment end take day school btw longer anxiety really specific situation anxiety attack phobia even phone call doctor appointment -"My doctor just prescribed me trazodone, buspirone and escitalopram for my anxiety, I am not sure what to do here since I read they all interact with each other but my doctor says it's just fine and he knows best. I am already taking Buspirone and It helps a lot, he also knew escitalopram gives me insomnia and still prescribed it. Not sure if I should just stop bitching or find another doctor.",1,doctor prescribed trazodone buspirone escitalopram anxiety sure since read interact doctor say fine know best already taking buspirone help lot also knew escitalopram give insomnia still prescribed sure stop bitching find another doctor -"So as the title says , I’m looking to go and see a doctor about my anxiety, I’ve been to a rehabilitation centre and talked to a few “ doctor “ people there , I smoke weed for my anxiety and it doesn’t help anymore, it can’t be everywhere and anytime I get a anxiety attack , my weed usage has been extremely high before going to the rehab place , and now that I’ve brought it completely down , I get mad anxiety when I smoke , I smoke to stop the anxiety, now I just get anxiety from smoking , I’m not sure that I can go about smoking anymore , financially it’s not good for me, does anyone have any suggestions on what doctors would be good to talk to when I call to book a appointment",1,title say looking go see doctor anxiety rehabilitation centre talked doctor people smoke weed anxiety help anymore everywhere anytime get anxiety attack weed usage extremely high going rehab place brought completely get mad anxiety smoke smoke stop anxiety get anxiety smoking sure go smoking anymore financially good anyone suggestion doctor would good talk call book appointment -You enter a store looking to buy a particular thing. You browse around and realise that they do not the item you came in for. So you buy something you don't really need because you are afraid that the staff at the store may suspect you of shoplifting. 🤔,1,enter store looking buy particular thing browse around realise item came buy something really need afraid staff store may suspect shoplifting -"Friends tried to send enough for a hotel, but then my dog needed attention and then I sold my ring and I found out it was pretty much fake and worth basically nothing. Enough tk get a hotel, I thought, so I did it. It wasn’t. - -Now I’m probably going to wind up spiraling and I just want to be home in Missouri. Never thought I’d say that. - -Very thankful to the stranger who got my ticket. Can’t wait until I can get on it. - -Please think good thoughts for my safety tonight. It seems safe enough, but the night is the worst for both me and my dog. Wish a shelter would allow her. - - -Edit: if anyone can help, please pm me.",1,friend tried send enough hotel dog needed attention sold ring found pretty much fake worth basically nothing enough tk get hotel thought probably going wind spiraling want home missouri never thought say thankful stranger got ticket wait get please think good thought safety tonight seems safe enough night worst dog wish shelter would allow edit anyone help please pm -"Sometimes when I close my eyes to try to sleep, I get this crazy feeling that I can describe closest to be a zap. - -It only lasts a second second and kind of feels like a sharp rush upwards, and makes me whole body tingle a little when it happens. I thought it was vertigo at first but since hearing about brain zaps I think this might be closest? - -I also described the feeling to my ENT because I thought it was vertigo, and he looked confused/taken aback but my description - so i’m guessing it really isn’t vertigo. - -It doesn’t happen too often and only really happens at night when I close my eyes to sleep. - -I’ve never been on any medication.",1,sometimes close eye try sleep get crazy feeling describe closest zap last second second kind feel like sharp rush upwards make whole body tingle little happens thought vertigo first since hearing brain zap think might closest also described feeling ent thought vertigo looked confused taken aback description guessing really vertigo happen often really happens night close eye sleep never medication -,1,nan -"Since I can remember as a kid I had problems with anxiety. It is not that I can not hide it except tremors but sometimes It is too tough and overwhelming. Whole my life I used to be compared to others and rejected at first instance of any kind of trouble. It troubled me a lot because of bullying, body shaming,physical abuse,even I developt chronic disease and had suicidal thought because of it. The worst one was rejection by the close one who said nice things about me and thought otherwise. My spirit in a way kept me feeling better, because I made myself go against anything even if it is that stressful, (and I am hyperactive) -I know I am strong-willed on one side but there is huge unsettlment on other side which is very hard sometimes to control. I can have 120 bpm doing just nothing. -The worst thing actually are my thoughts and overthinking every single decision that I ever made... -I am thinking about going this time to have a talk... because I do not know how much I can take more and when will my will break at some point even tho I make myself do things to feel better",1,since remember kid problem anxiety hide except tremor sometimes tough overwhelming whole life used compared others rejected first instance kind trouble troubled lot bullying body shaming physical abuse even developt chronic disease suicidal thought worst one rejection close one said nice thing thought otherwise spirit way kept feeling better made go anything even stressful hyperactive know strong willed one side huge unsettlment side hard sometimes control 0 bpm nothing worst thing actually thought overthinking every single decision ever made thinking going time talk know much take break point even tho make thing feel better -"My Doctor thinks that Sertaline is better for anxiety, but my fatigue specialist insists that Citalopram is. Anyone with real life experience of either (or both!) happy to share their opinion? -Thanks!",1,doctor think sertaline better anxiety fatigue specialist insists citalopram anyone real life experience either happy share opinion thanks -" - -hey guys, im gonna be honest here. im a 15 year old stoner with a lot of mental health issues, i havent ever really had anyone i felt comfortable or safe opening up to. and i know it can be the same for a lot of other men of all ages. - -i wanted to create a subreddit of some sort as a safe place to vent, give and seek advice, for domestic or any other reason, as mens mental health problem seems to be kinda looked over. i'm looking for advice on how to grow that kind of community. I haven't had a safe place like that for me, and I dont want men to have the same problems or feel the same way. - -I would eventually like to grow this in to a full fledged non profit organisation! - -kindest regards, ""safewithus"".",1,hey guy im gon na honest im year old stoner lot mental health issue havent ever really anyone felt comfortable safe opening know lot men age wanted create subreddit sort safe place vent give seek advice domestic reason men mental health problem seems kinda looked looking advice grow kind community safe place like dont want men problem feel way would eventually like grow full fledged non profit organisation kindest regard safewithus -"So four years ago I met this guy online. We hung out quite a bit. From October 2018 until May 2019 we hung out almost every single day. So in a nutshell, he had a problem with drugs and mental health issues and went to jail in June 2019. He ended up being sentenced to three years in a mental hospital. From online court records, I knew he was getting released this month. About two weeks ago I looked at his Facebook and he had like 10+ more friends than the last time I looked. I also noticed he had commented on someone's status. Anyway he posted his new number on there a couple days ago. I thought about texting him but I don't know if I should. I would really like to see him again but my sister is telling me to stay away from him. I'm not friends with him on Facebook. I only knew the guy for a year so maybe he won't even remember me. What do you think?",1,four year ago met guy online hung quite bit october 0 may 0 9 hung almost every single day nutshell problem drug mental health issue went jail june 0 9 ended sentenced three year mental hospital online court record knew getting released month two week ago looked facebook like 0 friend last time looked also noticed commented someone status anyway posted new number couple day ago thought texting know would really like see sister telling stay away friend facebook knew guy year maybe even remember think -"I emailed my teacher a few weeks ago because we had a speech coming up so I emailed her ahead of time. I explained that I have an anxiety disorder (GAD) and that speaking in front of a class is not something I am able to do because of really bad anxiety attacks and also I lose the ability to speak so... yeah. I asked if there was any way I could still get points without having to do the speech in front of the class. - -She asked if we could do it just us together, as in I present it to just her at lunch. I agreed, but now I regret it. My speech is tomorrow and I'm freaking out, even over just saying my speech to just her. I don't think I can do it. But it would look bad if I email her saying I'll just take the zero instead right? :/",1,emailed teacher week ago speech coming emailed ahead time explained anxiety disorder gad speaking front class something able really bad anxiety attack also lose ability speak yeah asked way could still get point without speech front class asked could u together present lunch agreed regret speech tomorrow freaking even saying speech think would look bad email saying take zero instead right -"I know my mind thinks things that make no sense, and sometimes I just sit there and watch myself experience these thoughts and then I fall into a weird psychosis. - -I keep having irrational fears of death and it triggers me on a daily basis. I get scared to fall asleep because I think my dad is going to murder me, I sit in the car and get a random thought about getting hit and dying, I watch the news and get scared about another war starting that leads to dying. The anxiety that I have about dying before I am able to get old ruins my willingness to actually enjoy my life. I think the past couple of years since Covid has exposed me to a lot of unexpected and very triggering events in my life, and for this reason I’m scared to relax when things are going good. I worry about enjoying peace in my life because something bad might happen. - -So much of this worrying makes me sleep a lot. It makes me frustrated about myself. It takes away the motivation and lust I used to have for life. I am too familiar with a rising heartbeat every thirty minutes, or the feeling of dread after doing the most mundane things. - -Sometimes I walk around in my everyday life and just feel like I’m in a developing video game and I’m just waiting for the program to start. I’m scared all of the time of what the next thing that’s going to happen to me comes. - -I wish I could be a normal person. I remember when my anxiety used to just revolve around small stuff like my appearance. Now I don’t even care about what I look like, it’s like I don’t even recognize who I am anymore.",1,know mind think thing make sense sometimes sit watch experience thought fall weird psychosis keep irrational fear death trigger daily basis get scared fall asleep think dad going murder sit car get random thought getting hit dying watch news get scared another war starting lead dying anxiety dying able get old ruin willingness actually enjoy life think past couple year since covid exposed lot unexpected triggering event life reason scared relax thing going good worry enjoying peace life something bad might happen much worrying make sleep lot make frustrated take away motivation lust used life familiar rising heartbeat every thirty minute feeling dread mundane thing sometimes walk around everyday life feel like developing video game waiting program start scared time next thing going happen come wish could normal person remember anxiety used revolve around small stuff like appearance even care look like like even recognize anymore -" -I’m not sure if i have anxiety or adhd or im just introverted and procrastinating lol - -1. I started biting my nails since i was a kid. I tried hard to get rid of this habit but its not something i can control. I put on nail polish usually but once it falls ill start biting them or fixing them with nail clippers. A little bit of unsmoothness on my nails will bother me a LOT, and ill just sit there and keep fixing it for hours straight, instead of doing any work. Literally every 10 mins i would find somewhere bothering me on my nails. - -2. I also overthink a lot. It might be influenced by my mom who kept telling me that others might think negatively about me bc of any barely noticeable details about what i do/how i look, so now i will just replay some scenarios in my head hundreds of times, feel bad about myself, and had to take deep breaths, say to myself “its ok” out loud, or make some sudden noises to make my mind jump out of that vicious loop. - -3. Recently i feel that my attention span is getting even shorter. I will sit down for work and get distracted after 5mins and start watching YouTube videos for hours. I notice myself doing that, and i would think “maybe i should go back to work”, but the other part of my mind is like numb and fail to take any action. To the point that im only able to focus for a long time under pressure, like a day before meeting or exams. - -Idk if it is just bad work ethics, procrastination, introversion, or i should get a check up for anxiety/adhd. Like i heard other ppl relate to me on point 2&3, so idk if its just some common problems that i can just work it out. - -Either way, can anyone give me any advice on whether to get a diagnosis or smth i could do on my own to mitigate these behaviors? Thanks!!",1,sure anxiety adhd im introverted procrastinating lol started biting nail since kid tried hard get rid habit something control put nail polish usually fall ill start biting fixing nail clipper little bit unsmoothness nail bother lot ill sit keep fixing hour straight instead work literally every 0 min would find somewhere bothering nail also overthink lot might influenced mom kept telling others might think negatively bc barely noticeable detail look replay scenario head hundred time feel bad take deep breath say ok loud make sudden noise make mind jump vicious loop recently feel attention span getting even shorter sit work get distracted min start watching youtube video hour notice would think maybe go back work part mind like numb fail take action point im able focus long time pressure like day meeting exam idk bad work ethic procrastination introversion get check anxiety adhd like heard ppl relate point amp idk common problem work either way anyone give advice whether get diagnosis smth could mitigate behavior thanks -Finally decided to give it a try wish me luck🤞🏼,1,finally decided give try wish luck -,1,nan -"I've always had anxiety issues. As a kid, I thought that I was normal and everyone felt this way.... Dry heaving in the car on the way to a new babysitters house. -I'm 33 now and I still have constant anxiety. The last three months have been worse than anything prior. The only time I feel slightly normal is when I take a Xanax. My Dr said that they're addictive, so it's a short term solution. I have been off of work (on and off) for two months. My Dr gave me Zoloft and I've been on it for a week and a half and I'm still somewhat hopeful that it'll kick in but idk what I'll do if it doesn't help substantially.",1,always anxiety issue kid thought normal everyone felt way dry heaving car way new babysitter house still constant anxiety last three month worse anything prior time feel slightly normal take xanax dr said addictive short term solution work two month dr gave zoloft week half still somewhat hopeful kick idk help substantially -"Just to start off, I do work but I really don't want to. For some reason I get a crazy amount of dread when thinking about working, especially going into a shift. I especially have anxiety thinking about how it messes with my schedule. I had a really bad experience with a lazy employer and I would work totally alone for shifts without much instruction. It wasn't very bad but my anxiety would not leave me alone - -It keeps me up at night and that's really hard to do because I fall asleep in literal seconds - -I don't even know where to go from here. Everyone I tell this to says I have to work as if I will never get a job for this reason, even when I specifically say I will work, but I won't like it",1,start work really want reason get crazy amount dread thinking working especially going shift especially anxiety thinking mess schedule really bad experience lazy employer would work totally alone shift without much instruction bad anxiety would leave alone keep night really hard fall asleep literal second even know go everyone tell say work never get job reason even specifically say work like -"I’m trying to figure out if this is an anxiety thing. I have been thinking that I may have adhd, and I know this is a symptom of it. But my therapist says that she won’t test me for it bc anxiety can mimick adhd. I go through these periods every few weeks or some times every few days. I’m either really motivated and will do a million things in a day and clean, shower, hang out w friends everyday. But if this goes on for too long, I get extremely depressed and burnt out. This happened friday, I was so motivated I went to work then the gym then cleaned, then saturday I was out all day (something not normal for me), sunday was the same I worked then went out w friends. Spent all day with friends monday and tuesday worked then went to the gym. But now I’m extremely depressed and my room is so messy and I don’t have any energy and just want to lay in bed for days and not talk to anyone. I thought this was an anxiety vs depression cycle. But now I think it’s sort of a manic like vs depression/burn out cycle. I’m just looking to see if anyone can relate. It’s so hard to keep a job bc of these periods of burn out. No matter what stage i am in the cycle, i’m still extremely anxious. I just have more motivation to push through it when i’m at that point in the cycle",1,trying figure anxiety thing thinking may adhd know symptom therapist say test bc anxiety mimick adhd go period every week time every day either really motivated million thing day clean shower hang w friend everyday go long get extremely depressed burnt happened friday motivated went work gym cleaned saturday day something normal sunday worked went w friend spent day friend monday tuesday worked went gym extremely depressed room messy energy want lay bed day talk anyone thought anxiety v depression cycle think sort manic like v depression burn cycle looking see anyone relate hard keep job bc period burn matter stage cycle still extremely anxious motivation push point cycle -Anyone else with this fear? I can't go outside when it's dark I get panic attacks thinking everyone is out to get me. I also have a fear of getting killed by previous boyfriends/friends and fear they will break into my house 😭 it makes it hard to look into the future thinking everyday is the last,1,anyone else fear go outside dark get panic attack thinking everyone get also fear getting killed previous boyfriend friend fear break house make hard look future thinking everyday last -,1,nan -"So, I literally have barely any success in making friends. I make friends, we get close then they disappear from my life. I'm in uni now, trying to make friends, I have a small nice friend group. I get invited to some of the hangouts etc. But I constantly feel like there is tension between me and a few people, like as if they hate me. I made a friend last year, now she barely talks to me and I genuinely think she hates me. To add, I'm not a sexual person at all so i never made advances with any of those friends, if anything I try to avoid physical contact, because of constant anxiety of making people uncomfortable. I also have low self esteem, which is pretty clear. But I really feel sad about having people not like me. I mean some people always get texts and are friends with so many people, eventhough theyre barely more social than I am. I genuinely don't understand my problem. - -&#x200B; - -TLDR; How to make people like you as a friend? How to stop thinking everyone hates you?",1,literally barely success making friend make friend get close disappear life uni trying make friend small nice friend group get invited hangout etc constantly feel like tension people like hate made friend last year barely talk genuinely think hate add sexual person never made advance friend anything try avoid physical contact constant anxiety making people uncomfortable also low self esteem pretty clear really feel sad people like mean people always get text friend many people eventhough theyre barely social genuinely understand problem amp x 00b tldr make people like friend stop thinking everyone hate -"How do. I quit a job ? I keep having panic attacks and it’s interfering with my job :( I just started two weeks ago and this is happening someone plz help I missed my alarm this morning and it’s a bad look I don’t know what to Tect my boss I’m quitting Bc I feel nervous everyday about the job it’s sad Bc I actually -Liked it it’s my Body that’s the issue :(",1,quit job keep panic attack interfering job started two week ago happening someone plz help missed alarm morning bad look know tect bos quitting bc feel nervous everyday job sad bc actually liked body issue -"I have an interview tomorrow and I feel like i am dying from how stressed i am right now. i already had a panic attack earlier but thankfully I came down from it fast. This would be my second job ever and i was at my first job for three years so i feel like i will be rusty and mess it up. And I have to drive a route I am not used to and dont know well, which driving is a major trigger for me. :( -Can i have some words of support or encouragement to get through this please?",1,interview tomorrow feel like dying stressed right already panic attack earlier thankfully came fast would second job ever first job three year feel like rusty mess drive route used dont know well driving major trigger word support encouragement get please -"I found out today I’ll most likely lose my job tomorrow. I am a covid suppression specialist and of course I knew there would come a time. But based on what the leaders had said, I expected to stay on until next summer. - -I’m doing my best to distract myself, but I’m feeling my anxiety in my legs and arms. It’s almost like that feeling you get after your foot falls asleep. - -I’ve managed to lose 18 lbs in the last 5 weeks (about 30 more to go), and I don’t want to stress eat and gain it back!",1,found today likely lose job tomorrow covid suppression specialist course knew would come time based leader said expected stay next summer best distract feeling anxiety leg arm almost like feeling get foot fall asleep managed lose lb last week 0 go want stress eat gain back -"is it a bad thing i cried in front of my friend who's a girl? - -so i'm a guy and my best friend who is a girl opened up to me about abuse she faced in the past and i started crying while she was telling me and i just hugged her. the next day i told opened up to her that i experienced the same type of abuse and that's why it broke my heart when she had told me about it. i also have opened up to her about me self harming and having severe depression and having a drug problem. - -i've recently been doing better but i can't help but worry that this changed how she sees me. she has remained super supportive and still asks me to hangout and i feel like we have grown closer but i also worry she secretly thinks i'm a bitch now.",1,bad thing cried front friend girl guy best friend girl opened abuse faced past started cry telling hugged next day told opened experienced type abuse broke heart told also opened self harming severe depression drug problem recently better help worry changed see remained super supportive still asks hangout feel like grown closer also worry secretly think bitch -"So I was prescribed propranolol 20mg for really bad physical anxiety symptoms. I have something coming up later in the semester in terms of presentations. It’s not just 1 presentation, it’s like 3 presentations in one day (I know, what a joy). I was definitely planning to take a dose that day, however I’m scared it will wear off a few hours later. Is it fine if I double the doses that day? Or should I not?",1,prescribed propranolol 0mg really bad physical anxiety symptom something coming later semester term presentation presentation like presentation one day know joy definitely planning take dose day however scared wear hour later fine double dos day -"I love alcohol. No, I’m not a problem drinker, but I love a good, hazy IPA, a good single malt scotch, and good wine. But when I’m having an extended bout of anxiety/head fog, I completely lose my desire for any of it. Is that odd?",1,love alcohol problem drinker love good hazy ipa good single malt scotch good wine extended bout anxiety head fog completely lose desire odd -,1,nan -"So I’ve always feared going crazy. A few days ago someone made fun of a stutter in front of me cause they didn’t know I stuttered. After that. Realized how easy it is for others to talk badly behind my back and wondered “who can I really trust?” - -I realized a few days later anyone can be made fun of for many things and I’m no different. Rather if it’s a stutter, lisp, religion, sexuality, appearance you can be made fun of it for all of that. I stopped worry about it and later in the day someone commented on a post about it and said they became psychotic and paranoid thinking about people talking behind their back after they did that for a long period of time. This freaked me out because this thought wasn’t from OCD although later that first day I thought this I thought “I feel crazy thinking this way”. It took 30-60 minutes after reading that comment to not feel like I was about to have a panic attack and ever since that happened yesterday I’ve been extremely anxious - -I was laying in bed and realized 99% of people won’t make fun of me, and the ones that do I’ll never be friends with, and if I am they’ll show themselves with time. But I was laying in bed and it feels like a weight was lifted off of me. I realized it’s best to take this stutter less serious. I’ve been letting it defy me instead of treating it like an aspect of me - -I was thinking about it I stuttered during sex and literally started laughing because I found it funny. And I remembered my cousin making fun of my stutter when I said “pork” I stuttered and she said “ah yes I love pork-pork-pork”. I was offended at the time but I find it funny now. I’m learning there’s jokes that devalue me and jokes that are lightheaded. And I’m beginning to not be offended at the light hearted jokes now that I see that difference - -I heard people before going insane end up really happy sometimes, and I feel great now that I realized I’m going to take it less serious and just joke about my stutter because it doesn’t define me. Does it sound like I’m going insane? Or did I just figure out what I needed to do after becoming scared but turning that into a plus for me?",1,always feared going crazy day ago someone made fun stutter front cause know stuttered realized easy others talk badly behind back wondered really trust realized day later anyone made fun many thing different rather stutter lisp religion sexuality appearance made fun stopped worry later day someone commented post said became psychotic paranoid thinking people talking behind back long period time freaked thought ocd although later first day thought thought feel crazy thinking way took 0 0 minute reading comment feel like panic attack ever since happened yesterday extremely anxious laying bed realized 99 people make fun one never friend show time laying bed feel like weight lifted realized best take stutter le serious letting defy instead treating like aspect thinking stuttered sex literally started laughing found funny remembered cousin making fun stutter said pork stuttered said ah yes love pork pork pork offended time find funny learning joke devalue joke lightheaded beginning offended light hearted joke see difference heard people going insane end really happy sometimes feel great realized going take le serious joke stutter define sound like going insane figure needed becoming scared turning plus -Does anyone else experience this? I had a very traumatic fainting experience when I was 10 years old and have fainted maybe 10 or so times in the last 15 years following. It normally is brought on by extreme anxiety and triggers. Would love to know if anyone has any tips with dealing with this? At this point I can kind of know what’s going to cause a fainting spell but it’s very exhausting to always have to think about.,1,anyone else experience traumatic fainting experience 0 year old fainted maybe 0 time last year following normally brought extreme anxiety trigger would love know anyone tip dealing point kind know going cause fainting spell exhausting always think -"I’ve had tinnitus for like 4 years, could it be somehow related to anxiety? - -Also neck pain for 2 years. Tension mainly. - -Thanks for answers!",1,tinnitus like year could somehow related anxiety also neck pain year tension mainly thanks answer -"Last night I had a dream that has been weighing on my mind all day long. Even now, as I prepare for bed I cant shake the memory of it and I fear that it will be revisited in more horrible ways than before. - -The love of my life, Stephanie, is traveling home with two of her male friends from a party. Their car is forced off the road by a pair of cars and armed men jump out and pull them from their vehicle. The friends are brutally executed with a hail of gunfire and Stephanie, covered in their sticky blood, is forced into the trunk of one of their cars. Pleading with the men she is taken to a dark place and sold as an object and she becomes the victim of human trafficking. For 10 years I pine for my lost love as I wonder about her disappearance and out of the blue I learn of her fate and also her whereabouts. I go to the gun store she is being held in and spy her in a back room chained inside a cage, her form battered and bedraggled and only a sliver of her once beautiful form remaining. I make pleasantries with the men behind the counter as I surreptitiously draw from my pocket a blade. Asking for the price of an item on the shelf behind him, I draw the attention of one of the men away from me, making him turn around; when his back is turned I take my knife and swiftly slit his throat, throwing his gagging body to the floor. With shocked looks on their faces the other two men in the store watch as I bound over the counter and stab the first of them to death through his chest. With a leap across the room I take hold of the last of them and we struggle furiously as he forces the blade from my hand, causing it to clatter to the floor. We fight ferociously and eventually I best my foe, caving in his skull with a piece of furniture and pulling the cage key from his pocket. Covered head to toe in gore I unlock Stephanie's cage and help her to freedom. She looks at me like I'm some fresh Hell being visited on her but I reveal myself for who I am and tell her that she is rescued; she bursts into tears of relief and sobs for hours over all the horrible things she has been forced to do and to witness for years nearly uncounted and I console her until she is calmed. I produce for her a pair of cupcakes that I had prepared before entering the store and had set aside. I tell her that the first is made of sugar and apples and is all the sweet things I will give to her; the second is made of coffee and rat poison and will taste bitter but will be the end of her suffering at long last. I give her the choice and without a moments hesitation she takes the latter and eats heartily of it, sending the former to the floor, forgotten. She smiles a wan grin at me and tells me, ""Thank you"" before closing her eyes and looking finally at peace with her lot. I hold her in my arms to keep her warm and safe as she passes on into the next world, unable to live with what has happened to her in her captivity. - -At this point I awoke and stared at the pillow beneath me and imagined all the terrible things that Stephanie must have experienced and for a long moment I was Horrified. It was only then that the realization that it was a dream hit me and I remembered the truth; Stephanie has been dead for fifteen years, she took her own life in a fit of depression and did not in fact fall victim to human trafficking. At this realization I said aloud, ""I'm glad you killed yourself"" with an unspoken underscore of this realization, that she hadn't been sold, a thought that in no way has ever formed in my mind or lips before that moment. - -Writing out this account already makes me feel better and I think I might be able to brave another round of unconsciousness, though I have no doubt another Mare of the night will visit. - -This is my first Reddit posting and I thank you for reading it.",1,last night dream weighing mind day long even prepare bed cant shake memory fear revisited horrible way love life stephanie traveling home two male friend party car forced road pair car armed men jump pull vehicle friend brutally executed hail gunfire stephanie covered sticky blood forced trunk one car pleading men taken dark place sold object becomes victim human trafficking 0 year pine lost love wonder disappearance blue learn fate also whereabouts go gun store held spy back room chained inside cage form battered bedraggled sliver beautiful form remaining make pleasantry men behind counter surreptitiously draw pocket blade asking price item shelf behind draw attention one men away making turn around back turned take knife swiftly slit throat throwing gagging body floor shocked look face two men store watch bound counter stab first death chest leap across room take hold last struggle furiously force blade hand causing clatter floor fight ferociously eventually best foe caving skull piece furniture pulling cage key pocket covered head toe gore unlock stephanie cage help freedom look like fresh hell visited reveal tell rescued burst tear relief sob hour horrible thing forced witness year nearly uncounted console calmed produce pair cupcake prepared entering store set aside tell first made sugar apple sweet thing give second made coffee rat poison taste bitter end suffering long last give choice without moment hesitation take latter eats heartily sending former floor forgotten smile wan grin tell thank closing eye looking finally peace lot hold arm keep warm safe pass next world unable live happened captivity point awoke stared pillow beneath imagined terrible thing stephanie must experienced long moment horrified realization dream hit remembered truth stephanie dead fifteen year took life fit depression fact fall victim human trafficking realization said aloud glad killed unspoken underscore realization sold thought way ever formed mind lip moment writing account already make feel better think might able brave another round unconsciousness though doubt another mare night visit first reddit posting thank reading -"Hello All, - -Lately, I have been fighting with my Anxiety...After having fought in a relationship..I'm still holding pain in my chest and I always wake up with Anxiety..Also, I always cry during the day and before going to sleep. - -I'm living with my boyfriend and I don't want him to be sad like me. - -&#x200B; - -Could you guys give me some advice to help me heal myself? :)",1,hello lately fighting anxiety fought relationship still holding pain chest always wake anxiety also always cry day going sleep living boyfriend want sad like amp x 00b could guy give advice help heal -"Sometimes it’s not even mental anxiety, somedays I just feel it physically. I can be totally okay in the noggin but my muscles are tense, I’m really cold, my legs can’t stop bouncing, my jaw is clenching, my nails are digging into my palms… then I get up and the world feels woozy. - -That’s when I realize how exhausted I am despite hardly doing anything that could’ve caused that exhaustion, no anxious thoughts. Just an anxious body.",1,sometimes even mental anxiety somedays feel physically totally okay noggin muscle tense really cold leg stop bouncing jaw clenching nail digging palm get world feel woozy realize exhausted despite hardly anything could caused exhaustion anxious thought anxious body -"i have this constant thought hanging over my head that at all times, somehow i'm not using my time wisely regardless of what it is. if i'm taking a relaxing bath to calm my nerves, i think about how i could be doing something even more fun or exciting and this task is not worth the time i'm spending on it. i often have mornings where i find myself unable to fall back asleep, even if i'm awake way earlier than i need to be for work/plans that day, lamenting how i am or am not using that time to my best advantage. it makes it so hard to enjoy my days off or the time i don't spend occupied with something :( sometimes my days off are stressful the most at the very end, when i reflect back on all the things i DIDN'T do but SHOULD have done... even if that's total nonsense to a clearer headed me. there's nothing i HAVE to do on a day off! - -i'm sitting here right this second looking at the clock over and over thinking, ""i wasted the last 30 minutes watching youtube videos when i could've been playing video games!"" but when i play video games instead, i feel bad about not having watched a movie or new tv show instead! it's so maddening, has anyone found a way to manage this constant sense of impatience?",1,constant thought hanging head time somehow using time wisely regardless taking relaxing bath calm nerve think could something even fun exciting task worth time spending often morning find unable fall back asleep even awake way earlier need work plan day lamenting using time best advantage make hard enjoy day time spend occupied something sometimes day stressful end reflect back thing done even total nonsense clearer headed nothing day sitting right second looking clock thinking wasted last 0 minute watching youtube video could playing video game play video game instead feel bad watched movie new tv show instead maddening anyone found way manage constant sense impatience -"I am 22 and I graduate in a couple of weeks. I feel no where ready to graduate and I still feel like I'm 19. I started applying for jobs but I do not have a full time offer yet. It's so awful scrolling through Linkedin seeing people posting that they accepted a full time job. I'm no where near there. I'm also a first generation student, so there's that. Another one of my anxieties besides graduating from college is that my parents are moving to South Florida. I hate Florida- I hate the weather there and I love how it is up here in the Northeast. Unfortunately, I do not have the finances to move out- even with roommates it would not work out. I feel like I'm going to be absolutely miserable in Florida. I hate the vibes there in Fort Lauderdale and Florida to me is a place to visit, not to live long term. The idea of moving is so anxiety inducing and it just sucks. It also sucks dealing with social anxiety which is preventing me from doing so much. I hate it",1,graduate couple week feel ready graduate still feel like 9 started applying job full time offer yet awful scrolling linkedin seeing people posting accepted full time job near also first generation student another one anxiety besides graduating college parent moving south florida hate florida hate weather love northeast unfortunately finance move even roommate would work feel like going absolutely miserable florida hate vibe fort lauderdale florida place visit live long term idea moving anxiety inducing suck also suck dealing social anxiety preventing much hate -So I just completed my 3rd admission as a inpatient and a big worry has been my eyes becoming damaged. Anyway on my way home today around 4pm to 4-30 when the sun is low and glare is heaps. the sun was in my eyes the whole way home. I was coming in from a angle you just couldn’t block out. I didn’t have Sunnys. Now I am paronoid I have sunburnt my eyes or given them flash burn or whatever it is called. I am already spiralling downward and can’t even enjoy being my family again after being away for so long.,1,completed rd admission inpatient big worry eye becoming damaged anyway way home today around pm 0 sun low glare heap sun eye whole way home coming angle block sunnys paronoid sunburnt eye given flash burn whatever called already spiralling downward even enjoy family away long -My throat is always closed up and today it feels like someone has their hands on my neck. I get burning skin and twitches in my eyes and so many other things. It makes the mental battle that I go through 10 times harder. I wish I could have a day off.,1,throat always closed today feel like someone hand neck get burning skin twitch eye many thing make mental battle go 0 time harder wish could day -"Several times throughout almost every night, just as I'm dozing off, my body jars me awake, convinced it just saved me from drifting off into death. My heart races, my chest tight, exhausted almost to tears. I'll sit up, put my hand on my chest, take deep breaths, lay back down and repeat. Up to 10 times a night sometimes. - -Anyone else experience this or have any advice? I can't hardly sleep anymore.",1,several time throughout almost every night dozing body jar awake convinced saved drifting death heart race chest tight exhausted almost tear sit put hand chest take deep breath lay back repeat 0 time night sometimes anyone else experience advice hardly sleep anymore -"Today I was prescribed Xanax and Celexa -For my depression and anxiety. I have major anxiety about taking pills, the side effects freak me out especially when it comes to mental medication. I’ve took Zoloft in the pass for a couple days and it freak me out with suicidal thoughts, very angry and ticked off. I’m scared this might happen again. I’m so lost on what to do I really need the help but scared of the help 😕",1,today prescribed xanax celexa depression anxiety major anxiety taking pill side effect freak especially come mental medication took zoloft pas couple day freak suicidal thought angry ticked scared might happen lost really need help scared help -Do you have a certain objekt or garment that your always carry with you? Something that makes you uneasy if you dont have it with you? I personaly always carry my noice cancelling headphones although i dont necesarily use them all the time.,1,certain objekt garment always carry something make uneasy dont personaly always carry noice cancelling headphone although dont necesarily use time -,1,nan -,1,nan -"If you've just been through something very stressful or a time of high anxiety, be easy on yourself. I know instinctually we expect to just bounce back immediately after said stressor is gone but high levels of stress take a toll on both your mind and body. It'll take some time to heal. You might continue to feel stressed(not as much as before but still), be extra prone to anxiety triggers, physically drained, tense, achey, sour stomach, nausea, etc. - -And before you freak out about how you feel, think back to the basics before you jump to something scary. Did you eat enough today? What did you eat? Did you drink enough water today? How much sleep did you get this past week? How sound was that sleep? Did you have to take a different medication recently? What's your posture been like? Any constant muscle tension? Have you socialized much recently? Have you gone outside recently? Think of these questions not judgmentally but objectively(sometimes it's hard to take perfect care of yourself, it's not something to beat yourself up over). Say you're feeling really fatigued lately. If you've barely eaten anything and been getting poor sleep then it's not surprising at all that you'd be tired. That's on top of chronic anxiety which can cause unpleasant physical and mental symptoms even when you're doing everything else right. Just because you feel crappy, doesn't mean you have some scary life threatening disease. It sucks to feel like that but try not worry yourself over things that, at the moment, are just fantasy. - -Granted if you feel like this all time(like me), I'd recommend seeing a therapist and/or psychiatrist, maybe even going for a regular doctors visit if you haven't gone in a long time just to check in on things. Basically what I'm saying is, don't scare yourself into a panic over your physical symptoms but if you feel like they are interrupting your life it might be a good idea to seek help. And there's nothing wrong with seeking help either. If someone is having trouble seeing things clearly, they go to an optometrist for help. This is the same thing. For some reason or another our body/brain isn't working how it should for us to lead a healthy life. It's not our fault and it's not shameful to need help. - -Hope ya'll have a good week :)",1,something stressful time high anxiety easy know instinctually expect bounce back immediately said stressor gone high level stress take toll mind body take time heal might continue feel stressed much still extra prone anxiety trigger physically drained tense achey sour stomach nausea etc freak feel think back basic jump something scary eat enough today eat drink enough water today much sleep get past week sound sleep take different medication recently posture like constant muscle tension socialized much recently gone outside recently think question judgmentally objectively sometimes hard take perfect care something beat say feeling really fatigued lately barely eaten anything getting poor sleep surprising tired top chronic anxiety cause unpleasant physical mental symptom even everything else right feel crappy mean scary life threatening disease suck feel like try worry thing moment fantasy granted feel like time like recommend seeing therapist psychiatrist maybe even going regular doctor visit gone long time check thing basically saying scare panic physical symptom feel like interrupting life might good idea seek help nothing wrong seeking help either someone trouble seeing thing clearly go optometrist help thing reason another body brain working u lead healthy life fault shameful need help hope ya good week -"Hey all - -I feel the title is pretty self explanatory. -Suffered with GA and HA for most of my life, but after 2 years of therapy, at least once a month, I have learnt a lot of coping mechanisms and am doing so much better. -However, I have ALOT on right now, which is overwhelming me immensely, and causing my anxiety to creep back. - -Very quick back story -I’m 33F, single mother to an 11 year old. -Being a single mother is not new to me. I’m organised and have a great support network and earn a comfortable wage - --I work in management and look after a multitude of employees, let’s say 60+, which is a lot - --My rental lease is due to expire (end of June, and Australia has a housing CRISIS) a lot of financially stable people are unable to find homes due to the volume of applicants applying for rentals - --I’m in the process of buying a property about 45mins away from where I live due to the exorbitant house prices in my area; -Median house price is now 850k + - --This is my first home, so the process seems daunting, even with my brokers assistance - --The move itself entails my daughter changing school right before high school which was not an easy decision to make - --My parents are relocating back overseas, which will leave me here in Australia with no immediate family - -I don’t struggle with problem solving, but I guess the issue I have is WHERE TO BEGIN. There’s too many variable factors and I guess I feel stressed because my basic need for a home and stability is so up in the air. -Any advice on how to manage this feeling of utter rubbish? I’m incredibly unmotivated, am not sleeping well, and noticing general anxiety creeping in again.",1,hey feel title pretty self explanatory suffered ga ha life year therapy least month learnt lot coping mechanism much better however alot right overwhelming immensely causing anxiety creep back quick back story f single mother year old single mother new organised great support network earn comfortable wage work management look multitude employee let say 0 lot rental lease due expire end june australia housing crisis lot financially stable people unable find home due volume applicant applying rental process buying property min away live due exorbitant house price area median house price 0k first home process seems daunting even broker assistance move entail daughter changing school right high school easy decision make parent relocating back overseas leave australia immediate family struggle problem solving guess issue begin many variable factor guess feel stressed basic need home stability air advice manage feeling utter rubbish incredibly unmotivated sleeping well noticing general anxiety creeping -"i’m in college and i get so much anxiety from doing even the most basic ‘rebellious’ things. before people mention it, yes i know i can always leave the situation. but i genuinely do want to experiment and try new things out. i’d hate for my college days to go to waste. - -i’m going to an event this weekend and i’m literally so anxious because they’re talking about doing some very very minorly ‘rebellious’ things there. things that 80+% of people do in college. but im still so anxious. - -ok im probably just being repetitive so i’ll stop but any input is appreciated",1,college get much anxiety even basic rebellious thing people mention yes know always leave situation genuinely want experiment try new thing hate college day go waste going event weekend literally anxious talking minorly rebellious thing thing 0 people college im still anxious ok im probably repetitive stop input appreciated -"I hate how some people think we use our anxiety to avoid responsabilities when in reality even moving can be difficult due to anxiety. In my case sometimes anxiety attacks makes almost impossible grabbing things, my hands start feeling really weak",1,hate people think use anxiety avoid responsabilities reality even moving difficult due anxiety case sometimes anxiety attack make almost impossible grabbing thing hand start feeling really weak -Scared that the ceiling fan will drop and decapitate me. Can't turn on the Air condioner either scared that it might explode.,1,scared ceiling fan drop decapitate turn air condioner either scared might explode -"I spent my 20's in a real mess. I let anxiety get the better of me and quit a job outright with nothing to go to. I developed agoraphobia and lied to family and friends that I was still working. I got really sick and couldn't go to interviews because I didn't know how I would explain an 18 month gap. - -Luckily, I got a volunteering job which led to full time employment (which I've been in for 6 years). The only problem is the pay is terrible and the hours are incredibly long. After years of deliberating I recently decided to apply for another job. I got an interview but they told me that they wanted to discuss my gaps. - -I panicked and pulled out of the interview. I didn't want to humiliate myself in front of strangers that I had a break down and can't handle pressure...I can't see myself lying about what I was up to that year without my nervousness giving me away... I just couldn't do it. It sucks because I really wanted to work for that organisation but I just chickened out. - -I just feel like crap right now. - -I guess I just needed to offload. Thanks for reading.",1,spent 0 real mess let anxiety get better quit job outright nothing go developed agoraphobia lied family friend still working got really sick go interview know would explain month gap luckily got volunteering job led full time employment year problem pay terrible hour incredibly long year deliberating recently decided apply another job got interview told wanted discus gap panicked pulled interview want humiliate front stranger break handle pressure see lying year without nervousness giving away suck really wanted work organisation chickened feel like crap right guess needed offload thanks reading -,1,nan -Do anybody experience a sharp pain in your chest area? Almost feel like pins and needles feeling? Is this anxiety.? I always feel like anxiety when my chest feel tight..but this go round I don’t have tightness in my chest it’s more a needle pain. I was wondering is this anxiety?,1,anybody experience sharp pain chest area almost feel like pin needle feeling anxiety always feel like anxiety chest feel tight go round tightness chest needle pain wondering anxiety -So i have been on Fluoxetine(Prozac) for 20mg and it seems to make my anxiety worse 20-30mins after i take them. I have been on Prozac for roughly around 2 weeks. Is this normal?,1,fluoxetine prozac 0mg seems make anxiety worse 0 0mins take prozac roughly around week normal -"I was diagnosed bipolar 6 years ago. I have very high levels of anxiety. My doc that I’ve been working with has been trying to get me to take lithium for a very long time. I’ve always been very resistant. Partly because I wanted to see if I could fix myself. Partly because my health anxiety has me freaking out over side effects from lithium. But my life is being taken over by the anxiety. Im not even living really, just surviving really. I don’t want to struggle just to make it through the day. So I think I have to get on my medication. - -Does anyone have experience with lithium? Does the good out way any possible bad? Thank you!",1,diagnosed bipolar year ago high level anxiety doc working trying get take lithium long time always resistant partly wanted see could fix partly health anxiety freaking side effect lithium life taken anxiety im even living really surviving really want struggle make day think get medication anyone experience lithium good way possible bad thank -"Some people with anxiety experience loneliness (and deeply understand it), so I am posting on this forum. - -I have plants ALLLL OVER my apartment to make me feel less lonely since plants are a form of life. It doesn’t do the trick though, oh well. Although, it does give off a feeling that I would not have of there were no plants. - - -So question…. -Do plants make you feel less lonely?",1,people anxiety experience loneliness deeply understand posting forum plant allll apartment make feel le lonely since plant form life trick though oh well although give feeling would plant question plant make feel le lonely -"Just in case I'd like to add a tw for health :) - -I went to the doctors office, and had not been having such a nice morning/day anxiety wise, and my blood pressure came up higher than normal, and ironically enough it had me more anxious than i was this morning! Has this ever happened to any of you guys, and if so do you guys have any tips on how to relax?",1,case like add tw health went doctor office nice morning day anxiety wise blood pressure came higher normal ironically enough anxious morning ever happened guy guy tip relax -"Have had pretty good control over the most part of my anxiety, up until recently when I’ve been having headaches again and my neck seems to have flared up, it’s like a sense of impending doom followed by extreme panic and the feeling of thinning I’m about to die, idk what it is.. but it’s crazy… usually happens before I go to sleep, these weird dull hit weirdly sharp pains in the left side of my head and this weird dent on the same side of my head… hope it’s not cancer…",1,pretty good control part anxiety recently headache neck seems flared like sense impending doom followed extreme panic feeling thinning die idk crazy usually happens go sleep weird dull hit weirdly sharp pain left side head weird dent side head hope cancer -"A coping mechanism I have is that I’ll sort of get through the hours of the day until it is nighttime and I know I can have the sweet release of sleep soon. Of course this isn’t every day but I usually look forward to sleep because it’s the only time I am really guaranteed not to feel anxiety/dread. - -Of course, some days I will sorta forget about it, but it seems that the like the main objective of the day is to get to the end of it. Funny enough, I actually don’t mind living like that, I find it very comforting knowing I get an 8-hour break from my anxiety every day. I still have plenty of days where I am enjoying the things through the day, but even on those days when 5 hours fly by I’m like “oh bonus I’m closer to bed”. - -Some days it’s like my only hope though where I am really all over the place and it’s my anchor to keep going. Idk, I’m sure it sounds bad that I “look forward to going to sleep everyday” but I find it a pretty good coping mechanism.",1,coping mechanism sort get hour day nighttime know sweet release sleep soon course every day usually look forward sleep time really guaranteed feel anxiety dread course day sorta forget seems like main objective day get end funny enough actually mind living like find comforting knowing get hour break anxiety every day still plenty day enjoying thing day even day hour fly like oh bonus closer bed day like hope though really place anchor keep going idk sure sound bad look forward going sleep everyday find pretty good coping mechanism -"My therapist has asked me to do something Spontaneous activity in which i do not have control over the situation and that experience should feel good. - -Background: So i have been trying to get out of this anxiety state which i get everytime i open my work laptop or think about work, my mind has been taking control and planning things of so many things that I cannot let go control and do anything spontaneously. I have been thinking about what can somebody do to fulfill this.",1,therapist asked something spontaneous activity control situation experience feel good background trying get anxiety state get everytime open work laptop think work mind taking control planning thing many thing let go control anything spontaneously thinking somebody fulfill -"For the past couple of months I have been feeling really cold. My throat and my esophagus down to the center of my chest has started feeling icy. Like I just drank a really cold glass of water but that feeling stays ALL the time. - -I am a 25yr old female and don’t have a history of debilitating anxiety… or any anxiety at all, but I have just recently had a few fuck ups at work, and maybe it’s anxiety? - -I feel like when I calm down I still have that cold feeling sometimes though, so I’m not sure if that’s a common feeling with anxiety or not? - -Has anyone else had this? If not I want I look elsewhere for the cause! Thank you in advance!",1,past couple month feeling really cold throat esophagus center chest started feeling icy like drank really cold glass water feeling stay time yr old female history debilitating anxiety anxiety recently fuck ups work maybe anxiety feel like calm still cold feeling sometimes though sure common feeling anxiety anyone else want look elsewhere cause thank advance -"so i’m a 19 y/o female who has been on zoloft since i was 10. i’ve never drank or done drugs, but lately i’ve gotten to a point in my life where i’d like to try having a few drinks with friends. however, on the side of my zoloft bottle it says not to drink alcohol. would it still be okay to have a few?",1,9 female zoloft since 0 never drank done drug lately gotten point life like try drink friend however side zoloft bottle say drink alcohol would still okay -"Hi, I was wondering if anyone has small kids with anxiety? I have a seven year old that has been coming to me the past couple days saying he feels like he can’t breath and sometimes is on the verge of hyperventilation. He is a very emotional child, and always has been. looking back he may have always had anxiety but it’s turning to physical symptoms. While this is happening I validate what he is feeling, remind him I’m there for him, and we do boxed breathing. His lungs are clear, oxygen levels normal, no wheezing, no pain when experiencing this. I have struggled with anxiety, and feeling of shortness of breath too. I was wondering if anyone has gone through this with their children and what are some resources? I’m calling the doctor tomorrow for an appointment. As most of you know living with uncontrolled anxiety can truly feel like a nightmare and is the last thing I want for any of my children. Any advice would help! Thanks",1,hi wondering anyone small kid anxiety seven year old coming past couple day saying feel like breath sometimes verge hyperventilation emotional child always looking back may always anxiety turning physical symptom happening validate feeling remind boxed breathing lung clear oxygen level normal wheezing pain experiencing struggled anxiety feeling shortness breath wondering anyone gone child resource calling doctor tomorrow appointment know living uncontrolled anxiety truly feel like nightmare last thing want child advice would help thanks -"I see a lot of people dealing with mental health issues. Being so hard on the self, I know it’s a hard time. But please never bring yourself down. Your only human it’s normal to experience these emotions. Please start being kind to yourself it will help so much!",1,see lot people dealing mental health issue hard self know hard time please never bring human normal experience emotion please start kind help much -I desperately needed to make a appointment at a clinic that I’ve been putting it off for weeks but today I finally did it! I didn’t even overthink at all! I love that I am finally breaking out of my shell.,1,desperately needed make appointment clinic putting week today finally even overthink love finally breaking shell -"I know it’s a thing with visual perception, as that’s been a prominent part of my experiences with derealisation. But I’ve just now made the smell connection. - -There’s a girl in front of me on this bus with a strong smelling hair product that’s lingering all around and it’s making me: -1, nauseous -2, annoyed (stop being so...fragrant?) -3, agitated (like I wanna get off this bus badly) - -It’s so odd to me, I’m irrationally offput by a smell, and actually it’s a pleasant one but I’m still repulsed and combined with all the other bus smells (fabric, staleness, people, etc) it’s so much worse. - -The extent to which I’m upset by this is ridiculous lol. My own empty coffee cup is making me wanna spew. - -Can someone explain why this is happening, and how I might ease or stop it? There’s no windows that can be opened. I know it might sound stupid, but I’m omw to meet a friend and this bus ride is taking it out of me and putting me on edge, I don’t want the evening ahead to be impeded by this.",1,know thing visual perception prominent part experience derealisation made smell connection girl front bus strong smelling hair product lingering around making nauseous annoyed stop fragrant agitated like wan na get bus badly odd irrationally offput smell actually pleasant one still repulsed combined bus smell fabric staleness people etc much worse extent upset ridiculous lol empty coffee cup making wan na spew someone explain happening might ease stop window opened know might sound stupid omw meet friend bus ride taking putting edge want evening ahead impeded -For past 6 months I had this weird head rushing/tension feeling when falling asleep. Even when i sit and I am bored i can feel it. It’s like my head would be scrambled between 2 walls and my brain was wired to something idk.,1,past month weird head rushing tension feeling falling asleep even sit bored feel like head would scrambled wall brain wired something idk -But how many people more realistically have a debilitating mental illness?,1,many people realistically debilitating mental illness -"I had a meeting that I knew was going to go well, but I couldn’t control my breathing and my heart rate was insane. I was filling time with some paperwork but I couldn’t focus, I tried box breathing and it didn’t work. Forgot to try grounding techniques but will moving forward. Just to mention: this pre-event anxiety is normal. As a kid, going to birthday parties made me anxious. Happens all the time still but this is the first time I just couldn’t breathe. - -This was such a worrying experience. I have something to actually worry about tomorrow and I hope it doesn’t go the same way? I honestly don’t think it will because my body seems to react to adrenaline differently based on specific situations. I am stressed thinking about it now, or stressed because I’m stressed maybe. As soon as I sat down in that meeting, I was completely fine. Thought it might have been a combination of walking too fast and then my body not recovering from a weird breathing pattern but then I was walking the same way later, completely fine. I’ve been sighing all day which is what I tend to do when I am stressed. - -I am trying to get help but yeah things aren’t moving along very well. I’m going to make an appointment with my therapist as soon as possible - we are working together on an unrelated issue but I think we’ll benefit from talking about it. - -Also worried about an upcoming wisdom teeth surgery... anyway, going to go cry so I can get some of this out of my system!",1,meeting knew going go well control breathing heart rate insane filling time paperwork focus tried box breathing work forgot try grounding technique moving forward mention pre event anxiety normal kid going birthday party made anxious happens time still first time breathe worrying experience something actually worry tomorrow hope go way honestly think body seems react adrenaline differently based specific situation stressed thinking stressed stressed maybe soon sat meeting completely fine thought might combination walking fast body recovering weird breathing pattern walking way later completely fine sighing day tend stressed trying get help yeah thing moving along well going make appointment therapist soon possible working together unrelated issue think benefit talking also worried upcoming wisdom teeth surgery anyway going go cry get system -"I have been suffering with severe anxiety for a couple years now. I had a bad life threading car accident in 2020 and things have never been the same. - -I started college during the pandemic 2020, and I was on zoloft. i was taking my zoloft inconsistently and ended up in the hospital with severe side effects. I decided to give it another try months later and the same thing happened. I was prescribed prozac in 2021 and then took it for two days & almost attempted. - -fast forward to now, my anxiety is the worst it’s ever been. I have severe side effects such as dizziness, blurred vision, shaking, panic attacks, ect. it’s taken a toll on my daily life and i can’t seem to function normally. i’m almost 20 years old & living at home still because i cannot seem to get a grip of my anxiety. My days are long and exhausting & most days i feel it would be better to end it all. -I will say i am also in therapy and considering seeing a psychiatrist. - -I need advice. anything. i would love to hear about medications, health, psychiatrists, therapy, anything. i just want to see what has helped other people. - -thank you everyone.",1,suffering severe anxiety couple year bad life threading car accident 0 0 thing never started college pandemic 0 0 zoloft taking zoloft inconsistently ended hospital severe side effect decided give another try month later thing happened prescribed prozac 0 took two day amp almost attempted fast forward anxiety worst ever severe side effect dizziness blurred vision shaking panic attack ect taken toll daily life seem function normally almost 0 year old amp living home still seem get grip anxiety day long exhausting amp day feel would better end say also therapy considering seeing psychiatrist need advice anything would love hear medication health psychiatrist therapy anything want see helped people thank everyone -So I took .5 for my first time. And it made me a little sleepy but it didn’t help my anxiety much. But I had the most lucid dreams last night and was literally pinching my skin trying to wake myself up. Is that normal? I’m really scared about it.,1,took first time made little sleepy help anxiety much lucid dream last night literally pinching skin trying wake normal really scared -"Hey - -F29 and two months sober today so have been reading lots of quitlit lately. - -I suffer badly with anxiety too so would love to hear some of your book recommendations. - -Thanks in advance X",1,hey f 9 two month sober today reading lot quitlit lately suffer badly anxiety would love hear book recommendation thanks advance x -"im talking to a psychiatrist on friday, i’m gonna most likely be put on meds which i need lol, but i’m scared the meds aren’t even gonna work for me, and i’m supposed to go to florida with my family in a few weeks, but my anxiety and depression is at a all time high. im rly just scared the meds won’t help me cuz it feels like nothing will help me :/",1,im talking psychiatrist friday gon na likely put med need lol scared med even gon na work supposed go florida family week anxiety depression time high im rly scared med help cuz feel like nothing help -i have the worst tmj right now how do you get yourself to be more mindful of this lol. also are there any stretches/massages that work for you in relieving tmj,1,worst tmj right get mindful lol also stretch massage work relieving tmj -"Ever since my girlfriend moved 30 minutes away to college, I find myself worrying that she’s in danger or dead when I don’t hear from her for a while. I’m still a senior in highschool. During the day, I’m usually not worried about her safety, but at night, if I don’t hear from her by the time I’m going to bed at like 10 pm, I start to agonize and worry that she’s dead. She does taekwondo every evening until 8 or 9 and then takes a 10 minutes trip from the dojo back to her dorm, and if I don’t hear from her by the time I go to bed I start to lose sleep over my anxiety. This happens any time I have a reason to expect to hear from her and I don’t. She assures me that the school campus is safe and I have nothing to worry about. She’s also a very safe driver, and she’s tall and athletic and therefore probably difficult to kidnap…. but I hate to think about that. I could ask her to check in with me more, or to check in at certain times, but I feel strongly against being overbearing or controlling, and I don’t want to cross her boundaries. I think it annoys her a little bit already how much I worry about her and how I panic if I don’t hear from her, but she also tries to reassure me the best she can. - -I can’t seem to ever fight my anxiety with logic. I only feel better after hearing from her. I don’t feel this way when I’m with her, and I didn’t even feel this way when we lived in the same town but in different houses. Any advice on how to stop worrying so much about her safety?",1,ever since girlfriend moved 0 minute away college find worrying danger dead hear still senior highschool day usually worried safety night hear time going bed like 0 pm start agonize worry dead taekwondo every evening 9 take 0 minute trip dojo back dorm hear time go bed start lose sleep anxiety happens time reason expect hear assures school campus safe nothing worry also safe driver tall athletic therefore probably difficult kidnap hate think could ask check check certain time feel strongly overbearing controlling want cross boundary think annoys little bit already much worry panic hear also try reassure best seem ever fight anxiety logic feel better hearing feel way even feel way lived town different house advice stop worrying much safety -"I've been wanting a cat for a few months now. At first I wanted a dog, but they're too much responsibility for a university student, and not many landlord accept dogs. - -I've been suffering with anxiety for years, but ever since I moved out of my family home, it's just been getting worse and worse. I've made no friends... I feel extremely lonely even though I am in a relationship of a year and half (we do long distance since college though) and I have frequent panic attacks as well as sleep paralysis. - -Am I crazy for thinking a cat could really help me? Is it true/untrue? Is my anxiety something only I can fix/help? My parents refuse to get me a cat or help me financially because of the responsibility that it means, but my therapist thinks it could be a good thing for me! But also my boyfriend is allergic to cats... - -Anyway just asking for thoughts/help:)",1,wanting cat month first wanted dog much responsibility university student many landlord accept dog suffering anxiety year ever since moved family home getting worse worse made friend feel extremely lonely even though relationship year half long distance since college though frequent panic attack well sleep paralysis crazy thinking cat could really help true untrue anxiety something fix help parent refuse get cat help financially responsibility mean therapist think could good thing also boyfriend allergic cat anyway asking thought help -"I am having some severe anxiety attacks. These can last for hours. My blood pressure and heart rate get very high. I've been to the ER but they just gave me ativan and it doesn't help. I have trouble breathing, it's hard to talk, my limbs go numb, my heart feels cold, I have severe urges to vomit and go to the bathroom",1,severe anxiety attack last hour blood pressure heart rate get high er gave ativan help trouble breathing hard talk limb go numb heart feel cold severe urge vomit go bathroom -Just stop being me. Stop being a disaster. Stop being a disappointment. Stop being annoying. Stop being so anxious.,1,stop stop disaster stop disappointment stop annoying stop anxious -"Hello everyone I'm an 19 year old male with a perfectly normal bmi (5""9 153lbs or 175cm 70kg). I've never smoked in my life, I've never tried drugs and I don't drink alcohol. No history of cancer or heart issues in my family. - -So it all begun this July when I woke up with an intense chest pain, I thought I was having a heart attack and my mother slashed me to the ER. I had a blood test, EKG, ultrasound everything was clear. One week later I caught covid, but the symptoms were mild and I was also vaccinated. - -So in September I took a CBC again in order to get an Accutane treatment for my acne. The CBC came back with high WBC and lymphocytes (10.1 and 48 normals are 4.0-10.0 for WBC and 20-38 for lymphocytes). They told me it might be cause of covid and I should retake the CBC in a month. Meanwhile I begun to get daily intense chest pains, at the upper left part where I can feel my heart. So I got another appointment with a cardiologist. - -In October I went to the cardiologist who did an EKG, echo, 48 they told i have very few PVC's but that wasnt something concerning for the docs. So they told me I don't have any heart issues. Now my CBC came back with more elevated wbc and lymphocytes (11 and 48). At the time I had also developed everyday abdominal pains. And lots of gasses, like I have to fart all the time, and the farts last long. Also I feel a fullness to my abdomen and I get spasms or fasciculations? all over my body everyday. I got an abdominal ultrasound which came back normal. My poop also comes back in thin layers which looks nothing like before. - -In December I met with an hematologist/oncologist who put me on like 30 tests and everything came back clear except my WBC (which were again elevated at 12.6 this Time and lymphocytes at 47) in September they were 10.1 and in December 12.6 the hematologist told me that I have a reactive lymphocyticosis and it's nothing serious. (before I caught covid in July at the ER my WBC and lympho were perfectly normal). He said I should retake a CBC in 6 months in order to check. - -I also visited a gastroenterologist who said that I probably have nothing since I'm too young and prescribed me omeprazole for 30 days. It didn't help at all. I also take vit D supplements because I have a deficiency. I also had a poop culture which came back clear. I decided that I should look into my thyroid for the heart etc. So I got a thyroid ultrasound and some labs with bloodwork. Everything came back clear again. Along with some inflammation labs CRP, igm igg, igg which were all negative. the latest tests were conducted in December. - -Now it's been like 7 months that I'm living in daily pain, I can feel something like a rapid heartbeat in my abdomen (jerks or twitches), hands back etc, my body is pumping all the time. I think they're called fasciculations, I get them like every 20 minutes and it's so so annoying. I also get the intense chest pains everyday, I feel like my heart is gonna leave me or something. It's really painful and I feel like dying the pain is very intense. My abdomen also hurts everyday. I have so much gas and ramblings, i think it's everywhere in my body and i can't stand it. My belly usually hurts at the upper left part, but the pain is everywhere. I'm also severely bloated - -I also got covid again, just a few days before new year, im afraid to take a CBC now, cause I believe that my WBC will have skyrocketed. My symptoms were worse than first time. I had a high fever for 2 days (38.5-39.5C and I still have some cough). I feel that this will really mess my immune system more than it's already messed up. I guess it's already messed up, because my covid symptoms were much worse than in July, even though I had the delta variant in July and now the omicron which is weaker. - - -I asked if I can get a colonscopy but they told me that they're meant for people over the age of 50. And me with no family history I'm not a candidate for it. Plus i have no blood, weight loss etc. Pretty much every test I've taken comes up normal Except my wbc which keep raising every month. I'm so afraid that I have something serious like colon cancer or crohn's. - -My quality of life has really deteriorated, I can't study any more( I'm gonna fail my uni finals), I can't do anything. I'm in daily pain. My heart hurts. My acne has dominated my body it's really everywhere (chest, back, butt, face even thighs, we're talking really bad cystic acne here not pimples) and with bad break outs. I can't lie on my bed because my back bleeds because of it. And I still haven't gotten the Accutane because of my blood. I also want to start working out, but the pains are scaring the shit out of me. Thinking that I'm gonna pass on the treadmill or something. The acne has also destroyed my self esteem and it's worse than ever (been battling with it for almost 5 years now). I also get random pains all over my body (Lower back, headaches, arms etc) - -I really don't wanna die yet but my life is really shitty. Hell I would give everything to feel good again. Tbh I don't know what tests I can take anymore. To shed some light in my case. Should I ask for an MRI? My parents have really got full of me, I've ripped them off by dragging them to so many appointments(I've had more than 15-20 since July) they have to pay. - -I can literally feel my left part of my belly pumping right now. I've tried taking laxatives (dulcolax) for 3 days, but my constipation and thin stools turns into diarrhea and more pain. I also get some sharp pains here and there that last a few seconds. I'm so afraid it's cancer (tumor or leukemia) or autoimmune which will make me suffer for life, only the thought of it makes me wanna vomit. I'm only 19 goddammit. I think that covid might have triggered an autoimmune disease or something. I guess my nerve system is really broken right now. - -Lastly my mentally healthy has really deteriorated at this point. Symptoms started at 22 of july and today it's the 22th of March. Everything is a lot worse than it was before. I wake up from my sleep with panic attacks. I'm thinking about death all the time.",1,hello everyone 9 year old male perfectly normal bmi 9 lb cm 0kg never smoked life never tried drug drink alcohol history cancer heart issue family begun july woke intense chest pain thought heart attack mother slashed er blood test ekg ultrasound everything clear one week later caught covid symptom mild also vaccinated september took cbc order get accutane treatment acne cbc came back high wbc lymphocyte 0 normal 0 0 0 wbc 0 lymphocyte told might cause covid retake cbc month meanwhile begun get daily intense chest pain upper left part feel heart got another appointment cardiologist october went cardiologist ekg echo told pvc wasnt something concerning doc told heart issue cbc came back elevated wbc lymphocyte time also developed everyday abdominal pain lot gas like fart time fart last long also feel fullness abdomen get spasm fasciculation body everyday got abdominal ultrasound came back normal poop also come back thin layer look nothing like december met hematologist oncologist put like 0 test everything came back clear except wbc elevated time lymphocyte september 0 december hematologist told reactive lymphocyticosis nothing serious caught covid july er wbc lympho perfectly normal said retake cbc month order check also visited gastroenterologist said probably nothing since young prescribed omeprazole 0 day help also take vit supplement deficiency also poop culture came back clear decided look thyroid heart etc got thyroid ultrasound lab bloodwork everything came back clear along inflammation lab crp igm igg igg negative latest test conducted december like month living daily pain feel something like rapid heartbeat abdomen jerk twitch hand back etc body pumping time think called fasciculation get like every 0 minute annoying also get intense chest pain everyday feel like heart gon na leave something really painful feel like dying pain intense abdomen also hurt everyday much gas ramblings think everywhere body stand belly usually hurt upper left part pain everywhere also severely bloated also got covid day new year im afraid take cbc cause believe wbc skyrocketed symptom worse first time high fever day 9 c still cough feel really mess immune system already messed guess already messed covid symptom much worse july even though delta variant july omicron weaker asked get colonscopy told meant people age 0 family history candidate plus blood weight loss etc pretty much every test taken come normal except wbc keep raising every month afraid something serious like colon cancer crohn quality life really deteriorated study gon na fail uni final anything daily pain heart hurt acne dominated body really everywhere chest back butt face even thigh talking really bad cystic acne pimple bad break out lie bed back bleeds still gotten accutane blood also want start working pain scaring shit thinking gon na pas treadmill something acne also destroyed self esteem worse ever battling almost year also get random pain body lower back headache arm etc really wan na die yet life really shitty hell would give everything feel good tbh know test take anymore shed light case ask mri parent really got full ripped dragging many appointment 0 since july pay literally feel left part belly pumping right tried taking laxative dulcolax day constipation thin stool turn diarrhea pain also get sharp pain last second afraid cancer tumor leukemia autoimmune make suffer life thought make wan na vomit 9 goddammit think covid might triggered autoimmune disease something guess nerve system really broken right lastly mentally healthy really deteriorated point symptom started july today th march everything lot worse wake sleep panic attack thinking death time -"My whole life I’ve dealt with the trifecta of depression, anxiety, and OCD. I was always functional, with all 3 disorders clocking in at maybe a 3/10. Depression always felt like more of a chemical thing, it was never situationally based. Anxiety & OCD were usually health related. Hypochondria I guess? -Anyways, I never knew “episodes” existed, I always just hovered at the same baseline. Then, in 2017, I had a severe panic attack after smoking some potent weed. It really shook me, and it sent me into what I guess would be my first episode. It was my first time experiencing dissociation, and it terrified me. I was in a constant state of panic for months. At the time I had been on Lexapro for YEARS. My GP was ill equipped to deal with this so she recommended a new doc for Meds. Big mistake. New doc decided I should quit taking Lexapro and switch to Zoloft, which perhaps would have worked if she had done it correctly. Instead of cross tapering or weaning off Lexapro, she decided to have me stop taking Lexapro cold turkey, wait a month until it was out of my system, and then start Zoloft. Going cold turkey off Lex was a nightmare of biblical proportions and sent me further into the most intense depression and anxiety I’d ever experienced. -After a hospital visit, they suggested an outpatient program. I agreed, and there they got me back on the Lexapro. After a few more long months, things evened out. I returned to a manageable baseline, although the depression was a tad higher because I could no longer self medicate with weed (the experience ruined weed for me, would immediately send me into panic mode). But still, things were going well. -Fast forward to January 2022 and suddenly, out of the blue, I wake up one day super depressed. No appetite. Couldn’t sleep at night. I was so confused… my first episode had a clear and obvious trigger (panic attack/ill advised cold turkey med change). I’d never had something like this happen with no trigger. That’s when I started to dig deeper and found out that “episodes” exist. -This time I had a doc I trust. Added Remeron which was AWESOME at first, felt better than I had in years! Was sleeping and eating great, for about 10 days, then SPLAT, all that went away, back to square one, and I even developed tinnitus from the Remeron. So I nixed the Remeron and we decided to switch from Lexapro as well, but the RIGHT way this time. I did a seamless cross taper to Effexor. I’m on my 4th week of it, went from 37-75-112-150. My last day on the Lexapro was last Friday, which was the day I did the increase to 150. Things have improved slightly, def not where I wanna be tho. I now know that episodes can last anywhere from days to months (or longer) so I’m trying to be patient. It’s tough tho. Eventually I may have to decide whether to increase Effexor again or augment with something else (an AA perhaps). -Not sure what I meant to accomplish with this wall of text but if you read it, kudos to you! I guess I just wanted to document this strange journey. Maybe you’ve been through something similar or know someone who has. Maybe you can offer advice (which I’d welcome). Either way, I hope whoever is reading this is doing well, and I wish you all the best of luck in this thing called life!",1,whole life dealt trifecta depression anxiety ocd always functional disorder clocking maybe 0 depression always felt like chemical thing never situationally based anxiety amp ocd usually health related hypochondria guess anyways never knew episode existed always hovered baseline 0 severe panic attack smoking potent weed really shook sent guess would first episode first time experiencing dissociation terrified constant state panic month time lexapro year gp ill equipped deal recommended new doc med big mistake new doc decided quit taking lexapro switch zoloft perhaps would worked done correctly instead cross tapering weaning lexapro decided stop taking lexapro cold turkey wait month system start zoloft going cold turkey lex nightmare biblical proportion sent intense depression anxiety ever experienced hospital visit suggested outpatient program agreed got back lexapro long month thing evened returned manageable baseline although depression tad higher could longer self medicate weed experience ruined weed would immediately send panic mode still thing going well fast forward january 0 suddenly blue wake one day super depressed appetite sleep night confused first episode clear obvious trigger panic attack ill advised cold turkey med change never something like happen trigger started dig deeper found episode exist time doc trust added remeron awesome first felt better year sleeping eating great 0 day splat went away back square one even developed tinnitus remeron nixed remeron decided switch lexapro well right way time seamless cross taper effexor th week went 0 last day lexapro last friday day increase 0 thing improved slightly def wan na tho know episode last anywhere day month longer trying patient tough tho eventually may decide whether increase effexor augment something else aa perhaps sure meant accomplish wall text read kudos guess wanted document strange journey maybe something similar know someone maybe offer advice welcome either way hope whoever reading well wish best luck thing called life -"Update : thanks for everyone’s reply’s and advice I signed up to private guitar classes going to the first class this Saturday , again I would like to thank everyone for the advice",1,update thanks everyone reply advice signed private guitar class going first class saturday would like thank everyone advice -"I’m 16, my snap is bradenisacuck, feel free to add me anyone",1,snap bradenisacuck feel free add anyone -"I (22F, 5’3, 140 lbs) think I’m having heart burn right now though I’m not sure. At around 4:00 today, I suddenly started getting a weird chest pain. It’s not severe pain, more like a mild dull stabbing pain that only lasts in certain positions. If I lay a certain way, the chest pain will go away. However I feel the pain a little bit in my left shoulder blade, just for a few seconds. I’m worrying that I’m having a heart attack. I know that heart burn is associated with a burning sensation, I wouldn’t describe the pain as burning. It’s now 9 PM and I am still feeling this. I tried to take a Tums but Tums are way too gross to me and I can’t stomach them. Are there ways to differentiate between a heart attack and heart burn? Anxiety is convincing me that I’m having a heart issue, Even though I just got an echocardiogram done less than a week ago, and it was normal. Help please :( I would just be safe and go to the ER, but that costs so much money, and I’ve been to the ER three times this year so far because of my health anxiety. They’re gonna end up banning me lol - -I should mention that I am on Metoprolol currently for high heart rate due to severe anxiety, if that means anything.",1,f 0 lb think heart burn right though sure around 00 today suddenly started getting weird chest pain severe pain like mild dull stabbing pain last certain position lay certain way chest pain go away however feel pain little bit left shoulder blade second worrying heart attack know heart burn associated burning sensation describe pain burning 9 pm still feeling tried take tum tum way gross stomach way differentiate heart attack heart burn anxiety convincing heart issue even though got echocardiogram done le week ago normal help please would safe go er cost much money er three time year far health anxiety gon na end banning lol mention metoprolol currently high heart rate due severe anxiety mean anything -"So I’m sure all of you who live with anxiety 24/7 do have your good days.. Like the bad crippling anxiety comes in waves. Which it does for me.. when it’s bad my anxiety is looking for any reason to latch it’s self onto and makes me believe that whatever the reason is, that’s what makes me feel like shit. When I have my good days and that thought or issue comes to mind, I’m unfazed. It’s really fuckn annoying and I feel like it could make me make decisions that I will for sure regret. Why is the brain so damn powerful? And why do I have to live with this.. 15 years of always feeling like shit. It has ruined my quality of life.. I am very grateful for my family and friends and I am grateful that I’ve always had a “good life” but man I think of all the family trips, events, parties anything “fun” ruined by my anxiety and sickness that comes with it… I feel for everyone that has to go through this. I’m sorry guys and I hope one day we can be truly happy.",1,sure live anxiety good day like bad crippling anxiety come wave bad anxiety looking reason latch self onto make believe whatever reason make feel like shit good day thought issue come mind unfazed really fuckn annoying feel like could make make decision sure regret brain damn powerful live year always feeling like shit ruined quality life grateful family friend grateful always good life man think family trip event party anything fun ruined anxiety sickness come feel everyone go sorry guy hope one day truly happy -I’ve been having an on and off anxiety attack since 3pm. It’s now 11:47. I’ve been exhausted and so tired all day but not able to sleep due to the anxiety. Everytime I close my eyes my anxiety spikes and I start freaking out even though I can barely keep my eyes open. I’ve taken 2 hydroxozyne in the past half hour. I don’t know what to do. I just wanna sleep. I feel like crying. Any advice or help..,1,anxiety attack since pm exhausted tired day able sleep due anxiety everytime close eye anxiety spike start freaking even though barely keep eye open taken hydroxozyne past half hour know wan na sleep feel like cry advice help -"So I have bad anxiety and it’s been over a year since I’ve worked. - -Within this past week I’ve gotten 3 job interviews. One I went to, but then after I left the place I was so anxious I developed a migraine and I vomited in my car. - -The second job Interviewed I completely ignored, and this third one, this third interview which I have tomorrow, is for a prep cook position but I’m considering quitting that too. - -My brain always finds some reason to tell me to quit, and when I ask for peoples advice on this job or that job, the bad experiences discourage me. I was looking forward to trying to be in the kitchen but people tell me it’s not worth it, it’s 70+ hour work weeks, little pay, and no benefits. And plus I don’t want to be a manager either, I just want to do something for income that I actually kind of enjoy. - -Everyone has something bad to say, and that on top of my past horrible work experiences, I have zero confidence in myself or that any employee or employer I work for will be considerate and relatable, and not a total asshole to work with. I’m a horrible waitress bc my anxiety makes me forget orders and sometimes forget about a table entirely, yet do I want to be in a hot oily kitchen all day and be responsible for peoples meals? It’s a tough choice between misery and misery. - -I’m depressed about the 9-5 work week humanity has created. My goal is to grow and sell my own produce, and I’m a current gardener as it is and my major is agriculture. - -Any job for money seems like hell and miserable and I hate having to dedicate myself and my time to a dumb fuck slew of CEOs and higher ups who only see you as a number. - -Will I ever get over this enough to get myself a job? My god this is just miserable day in and day out.",1,bad anxiety year since worked within past week gotten job interview one went left place anxious developed migraine vomited car second job interviewed completely ignored third one third interview tomorrow prep cook position considering quitting brain always find reason tell quit ask people advice job job bad experience discourage looking forward trying kitchen people tell worth 0 hour work week little pay benefit plus want manager either want something income actually kind enjoy everyone something bad say top past horrible work experience zero confidence employee employer work considerate relatable total asshole work horrible waitress bc anxiety make forget order sometimes forget table entirely yet want hot oily kitchen day responsible people meal tough choice misery misery depressed 9 work week humanity created goal grow sell produce current gardener major agriculture job money seems like hell miserable hate dedicate time dumb fuck slew ceo higher ups see number ever get enough get job god miserable day day -"i commute to uni on tuesdays and thursdays. i drive my car to the train station, park my car, and hop on the train. i am a super safe, yet nervous driver. i never got into an accident before. however, i overestimated how much room i had and came in at the wrong angle… i did solely paint damage to the parked vehicle next to me, and a pit formed in my stomach. i pulled into the spot and stayed in a crippling state of shock for 20 minutes in my car. i was shaking so badly. tears were coming out, but i wasn’t producing any sound. - -i called the police for a non-emergency and filed a report - i also left an apology note with my information in it tucked tightly underneath the woman’s windshield wiper. i then called my insurance and waited for the owner of the vehicle to call me to make a claim/report. :( she did call me when she got into her car, and i expressed how sorry i was and how i am looking to pay for her damage. she was very understanding and kind and told me not to worry about it. she was so touched that i was truthful and did all of those measures as a lot of people would have just hit and run without any remorse. i am going to call my insurance guy tomorrow to see what we can do. the paint damage can easily be buffed out and she provided me reassurance… i am still in my bed sick to my stomach over this. i am a broke college student who frets and who lives off of my savings from summer jobs!! my course load is heavy this year so i really cannot work. :( - -how do i calm the hell down? has anybody ever accidentally hit someone before? how did it turn out for you? - -tldr; did paint damage to a parked car this morning in my train station’s parking lot attempting to catch the train to go to uni… this morning left me so disgusted that i needed to stay home and miss school… i just hate that i (unintentionally and accidentally) inflicted this on someone! my car has paint that can be buffed out, too! i really don’t care about my car at this point!",1,commute uni tuesday thursday drive car train station park car hop train super safe yet nervous driver never got accident however overestimated much room came wrong angle solely paint damage parked vehicle next pit formed stomach pulled spot stayed crippling state shock 0 minute car shaking badly tear coming producing sound called police non emergency filed report also left apology note information tucked tightly underneath woman windshield wiper called insurance waited owner vehicle call make claim report call got car expressed sorry looking pay damage understanding kind told worry touched truthful measure lot people would hit run without remorse going call insurance guy tomorrow see paint damage easily buffed provided reassurance still bed sick stomach broke college student fret life saving summer job course load heavy year really work calm hell anybody ever accidentally hit someone turn tldr paint damage parked car morning train station parking lot attempting catch train go uni morning left disgusted needed stay home miss school hate unintentionally accidentally inflicted someone car paint buffed really care car point -"Hey guys, i wanted to throw this out there and see if any of you would be interested! I’m looking to start a group zoom meeting for people with anxiety/depression/bipolar, etc. It’s going to be totally free. We can share our stories, meet up once a week and just talk about how we are doing, our feelings, really anything to vent. You can use fake or real names doesn’t matter! I will also be approving people to join so i make sure they are real people! Would anyone be interested in this? I know some people can/can’t afford therapy so i feel like this will also be good for those who can’t!",1,hey guy wanted throw see would interested looking start group zoom meeting people anxiety depression bipolar etc going totally free share story meet week talk feeling really anything vent use fake real name matter also approving people join make sure real people would anyone interested know people afford therapy feel like also good -Been sat for 45 minutes listening to breathing apps and doing Dare mediation... Its really exhausting,1,sat minute listening breathing apps dare mediation really exhausting -Does anyone else feel their anxiety lowers when they’re living in a busy home? I’m not sure if it’s because I was raised in a crowded home so it gave me a distraction from my worrying but now our home is about to get bigger and I’m thrilled about it. I always found comfort in knowing there’s always someone in the house and I’ll never have to be alone.,1,anyone else feel anxiety lower living busy home sure raised crowded home gave distraction worrying home get bigger thrilled always found comfort knowing always someone house never alone -I’ve had this ever since I was young. And now that I’m in my adult years I feel like I’m running out of time. I’m still at home and I feel stuck. I can’t hold down a job. I’ve lost over 15 jobs let alone. My therapist keeps telling me to be compassionate towards myself but it’s so hard. I just want to be normal. Be happy. My panic attacks are bothering me lately more than ever and idk how to help it.,1,ever since young adult year feel like running time still home feel stuck hold job lost job let alone therapist keep telling compassionate towards hard want normal happy panic attack bothering lately ever idk help -"Hey guys, I currently need some help figuring out what to do. Recently I’ve been feeling a lot of anxiety. It started a week ago when my spring break was ending and the night before leaving for school I started having major anxiety. I am a little worried about school I guess but I know I’m good with grades and will be fine till the end of the semester but still I just felt this major anxiety like an aching in my chest and couldn’t sleep the whole night. When I got back to school I thought everything would be fine but around 8 or 9 pm I started getting that feeling again like I was panicking and having a tightness in my chest that wouldn’t go away. I don’t think I was even thinking about anything at the time to cause it. That night I didn’t fall asleep till 3 or 4 in the morning. Even during the day sometimes I’ll start getting that same anxious feeling but it’s has been consistently happening every night around the same time and I have trouble falling asleep. I’m in a good place in my life, I have friends and family who care about me and I’m doing well in school but I can’t shake this anxiety I’m having. Any advice would be great.",1,hey guy currently need help figuring recently feeling lot anxiety started week ago spring break ending night leaving school started major anxiety little worried school guess know good grade fine till end semester still felt major anxiety like aching chest sleep whole night got back school thought everything would fine around 9 pm started getting feeling like panicking tightness chest go away think even thinking anything time cause night fall asleep till morning even day sometimes start getting anxious feeling consistently happening every night around time trouble falling asleep good place life friend family care well school shake anxiety advice would great -"I've been prescribed Setraline as an anti-depressant, but I'm beginning to have serious anxiety of the side effects, especially the mental ones. - -I don't want to start taking them to relieve my anxiety and depression and then become suicidal. My anxiety is making me think it will happen to me and I've read SO MANY stories of people becoming suicidal because of taking setraline. - -Is there any advice anyone can think of to alleviate my worry?",1,prescribed setraline anti depressant beginning serious anxiety side effect especially mental one want start taking relieve anxiety depression become suicidal anxiety making think happen read many story people becoming suicidal taking setraline advice anyone think alleviate worry -"Slept for about two hours, woke up with my mind racing again. Couldn't eat dinner due to stomach pain from anxiety. Just want to quit work and start somewhere new again but it's not possible and will probably end up with the same issues. - -I just wish I could restart everyday and fix every mistake of what I say and do. Can't keep living this way but I don't see how I can change the cycle. I feel like I bring everyone around me down. Why am I like this? I just want to turn my brain off.",1,slept two hour woke mind racing eat dinner due stomach pain anxiety want quit work start somewhere new possible probably end issue wish could restart everyday fix every mistake say keep living way see change cycle feel like bring everyone around like want turn brain -"I know I’ve already started this off pretty negative…but I acknowledge that over the years I’ve made a lot of progress with social anxiety. I do things now that I never thought I’d be able to do: presentations, networking, event planning, hosting parties. - -However, every time I do any of these things, or even small things like having to run a work meeting, I feel physically anxious. My heart pounds and I start doubting myself and my hands shake. And I have to push through it because there’s not usually another option. I’ve gotten better at it for sure and I’m proud of that, but sometimes it really just chips away at me. I’m about to cry tonight over something so minuscule that I’ll probably look back on it in a few weeks and say, “wow, that was a dumb thing to worry about”. Because that is what always happens. I’ve probably wasted days of my life just worrying about things that didn’t end up being worthy of that much worry. I overthink things so much and I just wish I could turn it off so badly. To so many people now, I appear to be this leader that has shit together but in reality, I struggle quietly with the most basic things and I just feel so embarrassed sometimes. - -I just wish I could turn off the social anxiety….it gets so frustrating.",1,know already started pretty negative acknowledge year made lot progress social anxiety thing never thought able presentation networking event planning hosting party however every time thing even small thing like run work meeting feel physically anxious heart pound start doubting hand shake push usually another option gotten better sure proud sometimes really chip away cry tonight something minuscule probably look back week say wow dumb thing worry always happens probably wasted day life worrying thing end worthy much worry overthink thing much wish could turn badly many people appear leader shit together reality struggle quietly basic thing feel embarrassed sometimes wish could turn social anxiety get frustrating -"Hey there everyone! One of my biggest symptoms has been an extremely tight chest which seems to come over randomly (for about 30-40 mins, sometimes longer) and makes everything terrible. I’ve been trying to find some solutions that can help relieve this, or maybe any tips going forward. Nothing seems to work so far except waiting them out, which has been exceptionally hard, especially in bed. - -(I also would like to mention that I have a hormone imbalance as well, I’m not sure if the chest tightness is from that or the anxiety or both) - -Thanks!!",1,hey everyone one biggest symptom extremely tight chest seems come randomly 0 0 min sometimes longer make everything terrible trying find solution help relieve maybe tip going forward nothing seems work far except waiting exceptionally hard especially bed also would like mention hormone imbalance well sure chest tightness anxiety thanks -"Guys, help I really need your opinion ,Im a person who can overthink fromca simple things just like now, I feel bad for them, my terrkr teaches ask my friends and it take a minute so I decided to help but she got a wrong answer, and I feel bad because I give a wrong answer, do you think she hate me or mad at me gmfor giving a wrong answer, because our terror teacher scold her. But i dont know if she is mad at me . .... - -But on our gc she just commenting on how she was scared like that.... and I dont know if she mad st me????",1,guy help really need opinion im person overthink fromca simple thing like feel bad terrkr teach ask friend take minute decided help got wrong answer feel bad give wrong answer think hate mad gmfor giving wrong answer terror teacher scold dont know mad gc commenting scared like dont know mad st -"It's Tuesday evening, and I haven't been able to fall asleep in a few days because I cannot stop replaying a sequence of events at work from last week. I talked it out with my coworkers, and I know that I was in the right, there was nothing I could have done to get a better result, and... it's ok. Everything's cool. Let's move forward with our lives, k? - -I would love for it to be that easy, but that squishy asshole between my ears has a very different perspective on the matter... So we can't move forward. We haven't earned that yet. We have to spend an indeterminate amount of time meticulously dismantling and examining every minute detail of the incident, my actions, and the reactions of everyone else involved. - -Buckle up and grab a barf bag, folks. It's about to get real. - -Whenever I have even a tiny stretch of free time, the film reel in my head alternates between warp speed and slow motion, depending on circumstances and timing. Every 2 minutes or so, my brain gets the ball rolling with: ""Really? All the things you could have done, and THAT was how you handled it? Idiot."" - -Followed up with, ""Whoa! You've got nothing to worry about, bae. You handed that shit like a champ!"" - -Before circling back to ""What the fuck is wrong with you? Why? Why would you do something so heinously ridiculous? This is why nobody wants to be around you. This shit right here."" - -And after that we get another, ""No, don't listen to that mess. You are entitled to occupy space on this planet without apoligizing for your own existence."" - -But then...""That's hilarious. See how far that attitude gets you tomorrow, after everyone has had time to think about what happened and they realize what an immature, out of touch, self centered asshole you are. Have fun dying alone and unremembered."" - -And then every few minutes, the pattern repeats itself in an infinite loop of madness, half assed self justification, and shame. This can go on for days, sometimes weeks or months, but it never permanently stops. Sometimes a certain song, a smell, a Facebook memory, or a half heard remark from across the room will launch my ass back in time to tear myself to shreds over an instance that has been dead, buried and forgotten by the rest of the human race except for me. - -Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Go fuck yourself. Waves of abject misery and self loathing, interspersed with flashes of contentment that might occasionally brighten things up, but it never really stops or gets any better. The best I can really hope for is the drop off in frequency that occurs after a few weeks, or ideally I might forget about the incident entirely... until I get hit with a trigger again, at least.",1,tuesday evening able fall asleep day stop replaying sequence event work last week talked coworkers know right nothing could done get better result ok everything cool let move forward life k would love easy squishy asshole ear different perspective matter move forward earned yet spend indeterminate amount time meticulously dismantling examining every minute detail incident action reaction everyone else involved buckle grab barf bag folk get real whenever even tiny stretch free time film reel head alternate warp speed slow motion depending circumstance timing every minute brain get ball rolling really thing could done handled idiot followed whoa got nothing worry bae handed shit like champ circling back fuck wrong would something heinously ridiculous nobody want around shit right get another listen mess entitled occupy space planet without apoligizing existence hilarious see far attitude get tomorrow everyone time think happened realize immature touch self centered asshole fun dying alone unremembered every minute pattern repeat infinite loop madness half assed self justification shame go day sometimes week month never permanently stop sometimes certain song smell facebook memory half heard remark across room launch as back time tear shred instance dead buried forgotten rest human race except lather rinse repeat go fuck wave abject misery self loathing interspersed flash contentment might occasionally brighten thing never really stop get better best really hope drop frequency occurs week ideally might forget incident entirely get hit trigger least -,1,nan -"What do you guys think? Will this finally change my life. -Buspasfar 5mg 2/day -Escitalopram 20mg -Bupropion 150",1,guy think finally change life buspasfar mg day escitalopram 0mg bupropion 0 -"My anxiety affects my life, but it's not debilitating for me like it is for others. I get panic attacks very rarely. My brain is never quiet though; it's always going, and cycling around thoughts even when I'm trying to let them go. I see my dog and feel happy, then my brain immediately says, ""what if he died though?"" and it shows me what that would look like. Stupid things like that. I also have IBS that worsens with stress. - -I guess I was just wondering if anyone out there has tried any meds (even though they can ""deal"" with their symptoms) and if it helped. I'm a bit worried about side effects, but if I could just live without having to obsess over things and feel defensive all the time, that would be pretty amazing... - -I will ask my doctor, of course, but wanted to hear from others in my situation.",1,anxiety affect life debilitating like others get panic attack rarely brain never quiet though always going cycling around thought even trying let go see dog feel happy brain immediately say died though show would look like stupid thing like also ibs worsens stress guess wondering anyone tried med even though deal symptom helped bit worried side effect could live without ob thing feel defensive time would pretty amazing ask doctor course wanted hear others situation -AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!,1,ahhhhhhhhhhhhh -"Being an adult fuckin sucks lol! I’m just gonna say that. I’m 21. And I’ve been on and off homeless since I was 15 . Me and my family don’t talk at all. And I’m ina point in my life we’re I have my own home. A full time job and I���m doin better! - -But sometimes it feels like I’m All alone and that I should be happy. In the situation I’m in now I have no reason to feel depressed…. I think at least. My fiancé said she notices my change since I started working 6 days a week. 50 hours a week. - -Idk I guess I’m just rambling. It’s just sometimes I wish I had my mom again. Or my sisters or someone to tell me “ hey man, I love you, it’s all gonna work out “ and give me a hug ya know? - -Life is stressful. Trying to be successful and independent since 15 has made me mature and grow in different aspects don’t get me wrong. But I want my family’s love back. I wanna feel included . And not alone ya know? - -And I’m sorry if this post is irrelevant. I’m super anxious right now and don’t know how to contain myself",1,adult fuckin suck lol gon na say homeless since family talk ina point life home full time job doin better sometimes feel like alone happy situation reason feel depressed think least fianc said notice change since started working day week 0 hour week idk guess rambling sometimes wish mom sister someone tell hey man love gon na work give hug ya know life stressful trying successful independent since made mature grow different aspect get wrong want family love back wan na feel included alone ya know sorry post irrelevant super anxious right know contain -"Hello, if anyone listens that’s okay but it’s okay if not. I just have to vent because I’m so anxious and a little depressed. - -I have anxiety and take medication for it. Recently I’ve been getting interviews for jobs that i am unsure about, I’m basically just applying to everything. I will have a bachelors degree in education, but i will not have a teaching license as i have decided i do not want to teach in a classroom (student teaching was not a good experience). - -I have no idea what my purpose in life is. I don’t have much money, but i used a lot of it to buy my girlfriend an engagement ring. I love her more than anything. I’m just so terrified I’ll be a failure and won’t be able to support her. I just want a decent paying job where my anxiety doesn’t get in the way. I’ve gotten some offers but they are all sales positions and i just don’t want to work for a company that is essentially a revolving door. - -My anxiety lately is crippling me. I ate nothing yesterday. Today is a little better but i don’t know what to do with myself. I want to cry. I’m a 23 year old male and i don’t care.. i want to cry and i have. I feel so far behind everyone else. I just want to be a normal person. I’m worried my anxiety will cause me to lose everything i love In life. My girlfriend is beyond supportive, but i know my mental health has had an impact on her as she is in nursing school. - -Idk why i came here. I feel alone and isolated and have to vent… i feel like I’m dying inside. Im so great when my anxiety isn’t there to screw it up. It’s like I’m a shell of my self right now",1,hello anyone listens okay okay vent anxious little depressed anxiety take medication recently getting interview job unsure basically applying everything bachelor degree education teaching license decided want teach classroom student teaching good experience idea purpose life much money used lot buy girlfriend engagement ring love anything terrified failure able support want decent paying job anxiety get way gotten offer sale position want work company essentially revolving door anxiety lately crippling ate nothing yesterday today little better know want cry year old male care want cry feel far behind everyone else want normal person worried anxiety cause lose everything love life girlfriend beyond supportive know mental health impact nursing school idk came feel alone isolated vent feel like dying inside im great anxiety screw like shell self right -"Some backstory: i have crohn's disease, but am currently in remission. So physically and health wise I've been doing well. The combination of medications that I'm on seem to be doing their jobs, and overall I feel pretty good. -So over the last year and a half or so I've developed this awful anxiety/habit of being terrified that I'm suddenly going to get sick and need to shit and not be able to find a bathroom when I'm out and about and it's taken a toll on my everyday life. I cannot leave the house for work in the morning without returning the bathroom 4, 5 sometimes more times before I finally work up the courage to get out the door, because I'm terrified that somewhere along my 15 minute commute I'm going to feel the urge and not be able to get to a bathroom fast enough. The thing is, if I'm just at home all day, I likely will only have to shit probably once. But if I even think about leaving the house, I instantly have to go to the bathroom. If I have plans, I have to schedule my day around how much time im going to need to spend in the bathroom before I can leave. I have to feel like I've emptied out as much as possible before I can get in the car. I don't even hang out with friends or date anybody anymore, because the stress of this situation is just too much. Taking my kid to the beach or the park, ugh, if I'm not 100% positive there will be a public restrooms available there, we aren't going, and I hate that. It's not only affecting me, but things like that are and will continue to affect my daughter if I don't get a grip on it soon. -{Another example of this is, I have the opportunity to send her to a (much better) school, and one of the things that's holding me back is I'm terrified of what morning drop off will look like, that I don't think there's bathrooms available for parents to access during those times, the businesses around the school aren't open that early to access, it starts earlier so I'll have to leave earlier to drop her off thus leaving me less time to sit on the toilet before we head out, etc etc. It feels so STUPID but to me it's so REAL! :( } - -I don't even know how to really put it all into words the anxiousness I feel about it. -It's such a weird thing that I don't really know how to talk to anyone about because I've never met someone else with this kind of issue. -Does anyone else struggle with this? I feel like I don't even remember what life felt like before I developed this weird anxiety around it. My life feels like it revolves around knowing where the bathroom is. - -Sorry for the long post. This was kind of a, looking for support/asking for help/needing to vent post. Thanks for reading if you got this far :/ sorry I rambled on a bit. I don't even know where to start.",1,backstory crohn disease currently remission physically health wise well combination medication seem job overall feel pretty good last year half developed awful anxiety habit terrified suddenly going get sick need shit able find bathroom taken toll everyday life leave house work morning without returning bathroom sometimes time finally work courage get door terrified somewhere along minute commute going feel urge able get bathroom fast enough thing home day likely shit probably even think leaving house instantly go bathroom plan schedule day around much time im going need spend bathroom leave feel like emptied much possible get car even hang friend date anybody anymore stress situation much taking kid beach park ugh 00 positive public restroom available going hate affecting thing like continue affect daughter get grip soon another example opportunity send much better school one thing holding back terrified morning drop look like think bathroom available parent access time business around school open early access start earlier leave earlier drop thus leaving le time sit toilet head etc etc feel stupid real even know really put word anxiousness feel weird thing really know talk anyone never met someone else kind issue anyone else struggle feel like even remember life felt like developed weird anxiety around life feel like revolves around knowing bathroom sorry long post kind looking support asking help needing vent post thanks reading got far sorry rambled bit even know start -I’ve been having a lot of thoughts of “am I going crazy?” Surely I must be going crazy. I know derealization is just an anxiety symptom but I want to just hear if others experience the same thing. And I’m constantly worried this will result in psychosis. Like it’s a fear that I don’t want to end up in a mental hospital or go crazy,1,lot thought going crazy surely must going crazy know derealization anxiety symptom want hear others experience thing constantly worried result psychosis like fear want end mental hospital go crazy -"A friend of mine gave me feedback about something, and it came off as harsh and being a sensitive person it really bothered me. Then I was so upset I sobbed a few different times over the last few days, then all of the sudden I called them and talked about it and told them how I felt and then I felt vibrant, energetic, and super enthusiastic. This behavior kind of scares me… should it? I’ve suffered from bad anxiety since I was 22 and I’m 28 now.",1,friend mine gave feedback something came harsh sensitive person really bothered upset sobbed different time last day sudden called talked told felt felt vibrant energetic super enthusiastic behavior kind scare suffered bad anxiety since -"I started therapy for the panic attacks that I’ve been having. It’s definitely helped and my therapist recommended that I’d benefit from having a medication to take as needed. He thought this would help me continue to push the boundaries that trigger the panic and that those exposures would help resolve things. He’s a sole practitioner and a lcsw. - -I made the appointment with my regular doctor who told me that even with the therapists recommendation, he wouldn’t write a prescription for a controlled substance and I needed to see a psychiatrist. I didn’t know these drugs were controlled. - -Another month passes by while I wait for the psychiatrist appointment. 1hour and $450 later they tell me the same thing. They will only prescribe something that I take every day. I don’t want to take daily medication and my therapist seems to think that’s not the best choice. - -I’m not a doctor and am just trying to do the best I can to get better. Am I asking for something crazy? Is there a medication that isn’t controlled that I could ask for or reference? I’m trying really hard to get out of my comfort zone and get things back to normal….both for me and for my family. I feel like a drug seeker now and am embarrassed to go see another psychiatrist. - -I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do next.",1,started therapy panic attack definitely helped therapist recommended benefit medication take needed thought would help continue push boundary trigger panic exposure would help resolve thing sole practitioner lcsw made appointment regular doctor told even therapist recommendation write prescription controlled substance needed see psychiatrist know drug controlled another month pass wait psychiatrist appointment hour 0 later tell thing prescribe something take every day want take daily medication therapist seems think best choice doctor trying best get better asking something crazy medication controlled could ask reference trying really hard get comfort zone get thing back normal family feel like drug seeker embarrassed go see another psychiatrist sure supposed next -"Does anyone else have issues with being dizzy and light headed, even feeling weak constantly? I've been this way for about 2 weeks now and it just makes my anxiety even worse. Its like a never ending death cycle.",1,anyone else issue dizzy light headed even feeling weak constantly way week make anxiety even worse like never ending death cycle -"I woke up feeling fine earlier was tired... drank a lot of coffee and no water - -Get home drink a few sips of water and take a nap. Woke up with dryish throat - -This dude was coughing at work tho (not coworker) and I was gonna ask him to cover his damn mouth - -Could he have gotten me sick?? Unless I need more water??",1,woke feeling fine earlier tired drank lot coffee water get home drink sip water take nap woke dryish throat dude coughing work tho coworker gon na ask cover damn mouth could gotten sick unless need water -" - -I'm really desperate. I'm a 26 yr old guy with no job (even if i graduated from college), no girlfriend (Never kissed or hugged a girl in my life), no real friends (most of them are toxic & manipulative), nothing special about me ! i don't know if i'm pretty or ugly, smart or dumber, i'm so confused about my self image. it's like i live in hell. - -Get rejected by ton of girls, ton of job offers, i feel like i will live my whole life virgin single jobless loser!!! - -I'm too nice, too shy, always extremely anxious and stressful, dealing with brain fog, bad accent, shitty voice, low self-esteem, zero talent nothing good about me (Maybe i'm only good at math & coding), i can't hold a good conversation with anyone (only with my mom & my brother i feel kinda confident speaking) - -And it's been a while i'm depressed, living with a dark mood, i feel like i'm a loser & i can do nothing, i can't even go to gym, practice favorite hobbies, or enjoying any movie, youtube video, video games etc... i don't know what to do with my life ! - -I only think about 2 option : - -\- Therapy - -\- Ending my life - -(sorry for my english, it's not my native langage)",1,really desperate yr old guy job even graduated college girlfriend never kissed hugged girl life real friend toxic amp manipulative nothing special know pretty ugly smart dumber confused self image like live hell get rejected ton girl ton job offer feel like live whole life virgin single jobless loser nice shy always extremely anxious stressful dealing brain fog bad accent shitty voice low self esteem zero talent nothing good maybe good math amp coding hold good conversation anyone mom amp brother feel kinda confident speaking depressed living dark mood feel like loser amp nothing even go gym practice favorite hobby enjoying movie youtube video video game etc know life think option therapy ending life sorry english native langage -"Hi! I suffer from mild anxiety, not many physical symptoms. - -Anybody has tips to deal with anxiety that aren't in the ""stay positive"" realm? - -Usually the help I find online is about staying positive. However that is not my mindset, I think life is not meant to be positive always and I genuinely believe it's bad for mental health to try and see the bright side of any situation. Negative feelings are just meant to be lived thru. - -At the same time, I know my brain lies to me (about people disliking me, about sounding like a fool, about my future). - -The most tricky part is that i also can't stop thinking about the truly awful stuff, mostly about the world being a terrible place. The ""stay positive"" people CAN NOT tell me the bright side of my shoes being made thru human exploitation in a remote country, you know? How can I be happy knowing there's all this pain in the world?",1,hi suffer mild anxiety many physical symptom anybody tip deal anxiety stay positive realm usually help find online staying positive however mindset think life meant positive always genuinely believe bad mental health try see bright side situation negative feeling meant lived thru time know brain lie people disliking sounding like fool future tricky part also stop thinking truly awful stuff mostly world terrible place stay positive people tell bright side shoe made thru human exploitation remote country know happy knowing pain world -"I’ve been pretty bloated the past few days (happens a lot, working on finding out the cause.) whenever I eat a meal, my belly boosts up and my heart rate sits at like 130 for around half an hour until things start to “deflate”. I’m currently in the hospital for a completely unrelated surgical stay and it makes my anxiety even worse because to the nurses it looks worrying. I think most of them have realized it’s not an actual heart issue. It happens so often and I’ve had many ECGs that were fine. It doesn’t help that having my pulse tested also causes my right to shoot up. Just hoping to hear I’m not alone, I guess haha.",1,pretty bloated past day happens lot working finding cause whenever eat meal belly boost heart rate sits like 0 around half hour thing start deflate currently hospital completely unrelated surgical stay make anxiety even worse nurse look worrying think realized actual heart issue happens often many ecg fine help pulse tested also cause right shoot hoping hear alone guess haha -"a month ago, my friend group dropped me because the past few months have been tiring. After a situation that involved my crush, I kept bothering them about it and it was just not the same after that. I understand where they where coming from though. As of right now, we’re just mutuals. We talk in class sometimes, and wave to each-other in the hallways and smile. No drama or anything happened (but one person kinda told everyone). We ended on good terms, which im glad happened. - -Now I hang out with my other friends. We are a trio and we have each other’s backs. Nothing is awkward. We just vibe with each other. Lets call them em and ki. Ki is a very friendly person, if one of us has a dislike towards someone she would still talk to them cause shes good with them and they have no drama. Yesterday, Ki was invited to lunch by my ex friends. They have been talking and getting closer. Today in the corner of my eye I see them playing iMessage games and just texting each other. Honestly, im just worried that shell hang out with them more often and ill be alone for lunch. I am not in charge of who she hangs out with, I don’t mind at all if they’re friends. She said that our friend group is kind of her “main lunch friend group” so we hang out like most of the time. She said if my ex friends kept inviting her she would probably go maybe a few times. I honestly don’t know why im worried, im overthinking and stressing out a lot right now. Ive always been like this, im afraid to be alone.",1,month ago friend group dropped past month tiring situation involved crush kept bothering understand coming though right mutuals talk class sometimes wave hallway smile drama anything happened one person kinda told everyone ended good term im glad happened hang friend trio back nothing awkward vibe let call em ki ki friendly person one u dislike towards someone would still talk cause shes good drama yesterday ki invited lunch ex friend talking getting closer today corner eye see playing imessage game texting honestly im worried shell hang often ill alone lunch charge hang mind friend said friend group kind main lunch friend group hang like time said ex friend kept inviting would probably go maybe time honestly know im worried im overthinking stressing lot right ive always like im afraid alone -"A couple weeks ago I contracted covid and got it pretty bad for a few days there, it caused a big flare up of anxiety for me as I am a heavy cannabis and nicotine smoker and I couldn’t give them up while dealing with covid and inevitably the smoking made it worse and played into my anxiety. For background, I have been managing anxiety fairly well for the past 7 or 8 years with habitual cannabis smoking but sometime in the week I had covid a switch was flicked and smoking instantly made me more anxious. - -I went to the doctor and have been prescribed seroquel in the morning and evenings, same with diazepam plus Zoloft in the mornings. I’m wondering if this sounds like the proper response to deal with this flare up or do you think my doctor is going down the wrong path. He does know my history with anxiety and explained the mechanics of dealing with the anxiety first and then dealing with smoking and told me that I should keep on smoking even though it puts me in a vicious cycle so as to not have to deal with withdrawals at the same time as the anxiety. He booked me an appointment for two weeks time to review how things are working but made no mention of referring me to anything external or anything to do with cbt.",1,couple week ago contracted covid got pretty bad day caused big flare anxiety heavy cannabis nicotine smoker give dealing covid inevitably smoking made worse played anxiety background managing anxiety fairly well past year habitual cannabis smoking sometime week covid switch flicked smoking instantly made anxious went doctor prescribed seroquel morning evening diazepam plus zoloft morning wondering sound like proper response deal flare think doctor going wrong path know history anxiety explained mechanic dealing anxiety first dealing smoking told keep smoking even though put vicious cycle deal withdrawal time anxiety booked appointment two week time review thing working made mention referring anything external anything cbt -"My dad (47) lives 2000 miles away from me, as well as the rest of my family. He’s an alcoholic, kind of emotional abusive, and kicked me out when I was 18 after my mom died. He said some pretty horrible things to me when he did that, but I’ve blocked them out so I don’t remember really. - -He doesn’t really reach out very much, due to being blackout drunk off and on a lot, but when he does I get so anxious to answer his calls that I don’t do it and I just text him instead, or don’t answer. I’m worried it makes him sad and drink more. My sister has said in the past he resents that I left them back home and moved on with my life. I already feel guilty about leaving them, (my younger siblings) so that hurts to hear. - -It’s not just my dad though. I don’t keep up with my grandparents anymore. I’m worried they’re going to die (they’re kind of old) and I’m going to regret not talking to them more often. Mostly my grandma. I regret not spending more time with my mom. - -I have multiple younger siblings, one of which is underage and has autism. I feel guilty that I don’t call them (brothers and sister) and worry that they resent me for leaving, and I don’t understand why it’s so hard for me to just pick up the phone once a week and call these people. The only person I talk to often is my sister. What is wrong with me? Why is it so hard/scary/anxious for me to talk to them, yet I feel so guilty by not doing so? It’s very tiring. I know I need to go to therapy but I don’t have insurance and can’t really afford it. - -Also I don’t keep in touch with friends which makes me sad since my only friend is my partner really. I am very family oriented and I love spending time with my siblings when I visit.",1,dad life 000 mile away well rest family alcoholic kind emotional abusive kicked mom died said pretty horrible thing blocked remember really really reach much due blackout drunk lot get anxious answer call text instead answer worried make sad drink sister said past resents left back home moved life already feel guilty leaving younger sibling hurt hear dad though keep grandparent anymore worried going die kind old going regret talking often mostly grandma regret spending time mom multiple younger sibling one underage autism feel guilty call brother sister worry resent leaving understand hard pick phone week call people person talk often sister wrong hard scary anxious talk yet feel guilty tiring know need go therapy insurance really afford also keep touch friend make sad since friend partner really family oriented love spending time sibling visit -,1,nan -"So, I have a disabling chronic illness. Last year, I went through some pretty severe stuff, almost starved to death because my stomach doesn't work properly and won't digest food, had to be hospitalized and have a permenant feeding tube placed, etc. That's just backstory that might be relevant but honestly I'm not sure. - -I have this overwhelming anxiety any time anything slightly untword happens to my partner. It's particularly unmanageable when it comes to them feeling physically unwell. I have no idea why this happens. It's something I've experienced in other very close relationships as well, but it's not everyone? Not even everyone I care very deeply about? It's super weird and I have no idea where it's coming from but I need it to stop because I want to be supportive and I can't do that if my partner knows I'm fighting down a lot of anxiety just to talk about them feeling like they might be coming down with a tiny cold. The anxiety can even bleed into feelings of anger or frustration, which I hate even more, because who gets angry about something like that?? Am I just a bad person? How do I cope with this in a way that doesn't negate their experiences by requiring them to constantly tell me nothing is wrong or that everything is fine, but also not going off the deep end and feeling crazy with fear just because they might be experiencing discomfort?",1,disabling chronic illness last year went pretty severe stuff almost starved death stomach work properly digest food hospitalized permenant feeding tube placed etc backstory might relevant honestly sure overwhelming anxiety time anything slightly untword happens partner particularly unmanageable come feeling physically unwell idea happens something experienced close relationship well everyone even everyone care deeply super weird idea coming need stop want supportive partner know fighting lot anxiety talk feeling like might coming tiny cold anxiety even bleed feeling anger frustration hate even get angry something like bad person cope way negate experience requiring constantly tell nothing wrong everything fine also going deep end feeling crazy fear might experiencing discomfort -I read about someone who couldn’t stop thinking about breathing and other people who were stuck manual breathing which terrifies me .. i have massive chronic health ptsd .. now I’m constantly thinking about it and i don’t think i breath correctly when i manual breath which makes me short of breath and lightheaded and drives my anxiety higher .. when i get distracted i pop out of it really can only get distracted at work .. sometimes it gets better but then when somehow i remember it just goes right back to bad breathing .. please any tips,1,read someone stop thinking breathing people stuck manual breathing terrifies massive chronic health ptsd constantly thinking think breath correctly manual breath make short breath lightheaded drive anxiety higher get distracted pop really get distracted work sometimes get better somehow remember go right back bad breathing please tip -I’m a 21y/o man who is extremely active and an amateur power lifter. I was getting very strong in the gym and I looked forward to it everyday. I had an incident with a crazy strong panic attack last December and I was out of the gym for 2 months while they did tests on my heart just to rule out that it wasn’t anything serious. I’ve been back in the gym for a while now and I’m getting my strength back but the anxiety isn’t going away at all. I’ve started heavily focusing on my heartbeat and when it goes up I freak. Obviously in the gym this will happen but I keep associating it with a medical emergency. Any advice on how to help get Over this so I can get back to the pastime I love in full force?,1,man extremely active amateur power lifter getting strong gym looked forward everyday incident crazy strong panic attack last december gym month test heart rule anything serious back gym getting strength back anxiety going away started heavily focusing heartbeat go freak obviously gym happen keep associating medical emergency advice help get get back pastime love full force -"I feel like this is a flawed perspective I'm having but sometimes it's hard to take the day off. Like to just relax and lay in bed for a day without guilt, that can be hard for me. But I feel like in a way im making it hard for myself by putting so much thought into it, rather then actually just doing it",1,feel like flawed perspective sometimes hard take day like relax lay bed day without guilt hard feel like way im making hard putting much thought rather actually -"Ive been out of work for about a year and tomorrow I have my first 8 hour shift. I have to be on my feet for most of the day and am still in the process of learning what I need to do, and the worst part is I will be there alone for the last 2 hours of my shift. Im super anxious about this as I haven’t worked an 8 hour shift in a year or more, and I wasn’t super good at handling them back then either. Any tips for getting through longer shifts with anxiety and fear of failing or getting in trouble somehow?",1,ive work year tomorrow first hour shift foot day still process learning need worst part alone last hour shift im super anxious worked hour shift year super good handling back either tip getting longer shift anxiety fear failing getting trouble somehow -So I got my Mirena removed last month on the 28th because of it having a bad effect on my mental health. I had it in for a little over 3 years. I knew getting it out id probably experience the “Mirena Crash”. I was fine up until today when I got my first period. I’ve had very intense anxiety/depression all day today to the point where I can’t even leave my house. I’m guessing it’s the shift in hormones and everything considering it’s been 10 years since I’ve been birth control free. Did anyone else experience this super low mood after removal? I’ve also just been feeling very out of body today and very exhausted.,1,got mirena removed last month th bad effect mental health little year knew getting id probably experience mirena crash fine today got first period intense anxiety depression day today point even leave house guessing shift hormone everything considering 0 year since birth control free anyone else experience super low mood removal also feeling body today exhausted -"I’m having a severe anxiety episode right now, I can’t focus, I feel like I’m going crazy and like I’m going to pass out, please help",1,severe anxiety episode right focus feel like going crazy like going pas please help -"i guess I just need to vent too… I’m a timid and shy person with social anxiety. I’m afraid of what people think of me, I’m afraid of being judged negatively. I’m afraid of being rejected. Im afraid of taking my mask off in class in fear of catfishing. - -Today I didn’t have my mask on for a split second and went to the bathroom to throw something away, i see classmates and i immediately froze and walked out before they could even say hi, they probably think I hate them now. I couldn’t even think, it’s like my body moved itself. - -I did take my mask off without thinking once and the lady complimented me on how pretty I was. I was so shocked. I know I’m not ugly and that beauty is in the eye of the beholder but I still can’t help but feel ugly. - -I’m afraid of speaking up and asking questions. I cant make eye contact with people bc I’m scared I might see disgust in their eyes. - -I’m scared of applying for certain jobs bc I’m afraid I won’t be able to do it so I settle for the easiest and worst retail jobs. Im afraid for my career (in design) bc I feel like I won’t be able to sell myself to people. - -Im afraid of talking to people bc I’ll stumble over my words. I’m afraid of falling in love for fear of being left.. and if I do fall in love.. It’ll turn into obsession and infatuation from fear of them leaving/cheating. - -Growing up I’ve had to deal with domestic abuse/violence when it came to my parents. My father was quite the bully.. always saying I couldn’t do anything.. hell that man has never said a nice thing in his life. - -In middle school I’ve dealt with rejection and it was quite painful and other teens asking me out as a joke. I spent the rest of highschool in online school so I never really got to experience that vital part of life. - -I’ve been in therapy for 2-3 years on and off but it just didn’t work for me. Talking about my shitfuck dad all day doesnt help with my fears. - -How can I stop this fear that has taken over my life?",1,guess need vent timid shy person social anxiety afraid people think afraid judged negatively afraid rejected im afraid taking mask class fear catfishing today mask split second went bathroom throw something away see classmate immediately froze walked could even say hi probably think hate even think like body moved take mask without thinking lady complimented pretty shocked know ugly beauty eye beholder still help feel ugly afraid speaking asking question cant make eye contact people bc scared might see disgust eye scared applying certain job bc afraid able settle easiest worst retail job im afraid career design bc feel like able sell people im afraid talking people bc stumble word afraid falling love fear left fall love turn obsession infatuation fear leaving cheating growing deal domestic abuse violence came parent father quite bully always saying anything hell man never said nice thing life middle school dealt rejection quite painful teen asking joke spent rest highschool online school never really got experience vital part life therapy year work talking shitfuck dad day doesnt help fear stop fear taken life -"I've been woth my boyfriend for two years now but I've known him for 8. He gets triggered fairly fast and he ends up feeling anxious for hours or he gets very intense anxiety attacks where he can't breathe well and he starts crying uncontrollably. The first thing I used to do when I sense that he's getting anxious was give him a hug or even just hold his hand. Physical touch seemed to help him so much. It immediately calmed him down and he would be able to talk about what was making him feel scared or overwhelmed or threatened. However, we're now in a long distance relationship and I haven't seen him in a year. It's very difficult for both of us, but this specifically makes it unbearable at times. We both know that we'll see each other soon, but saying that doesn't help when he's anxious. What should I do?",1,woth boyfriend two year known get triggered fairly fast end feeling anxious hour get intense anxiety attack breathe well start cry uncontrollably first thing used sense getting anxious give hug even hold hand physical touch seemed help much immediately calmed would able talk making feel scared overwhelmed threatened however long distance relationship seen year difficult u specifically make unbearable time know see soon saying help anxious -"Asking because I’m not sure and it just happened yesterday, so the memory is still fresh. - -From what I’ve learned panic attacks can make people genuinely believe they’re dying or like their throat is closing up, but I don’t get that feeling? - -For me I feel like I can’t get enough air and that every time I have to take a deep breath, but taking slow breaths is really hard and near impossible sometimes. And when I do try to breathe, normal or deep breaths, I get dizzy. Like the act of taking in the air makes my head spin causing me to feel more uncomfortable and disoriented. - -I’ll also get racing thoughts centered around how people interact with me, will want to talk to me, have spoken to me, how I’m a failure, how people would be better off not knowing me, how I’ve fucked up in the past, and so on. - -When I get those thoughts it gets really hard to slow them down and breathe. - -Yesterday when it happened I was literally just in bed hugging my pillow really tightly because of the stress trying to focus on the music, but it took roughly 30min - 40min before I fully calmed down. - -Is this normal? Is this a panic attack or something else? Even though I didn’t believe I was dying or felt like my throat was closing up. - -If this is a panic attack how the fuck am I supposed to stop it or help it? Deep breaths don’t help. Meditation makes it a thousand times worse. Trying grounding techniques make it worse too. Knowing I don’t have tricks to end it makes me feel worse during it…",1,asking sure happened yesterday memory still fresh learned panic attack make people genuinely believe dying like throat closing get feeling feel like get enough air every time take deep breath taking slow breath really hard near impossible sometimes try breathe normal deep breath get dizzy like act taking air make head spin causing feel uncomfortable disoriented also get racing thought centered around people interact want talk spoken failure people would better knowing fucked past get thought get really hard slow breathe yesterday happened literally bed hugging pillow really tightly stress trying focus music took roughly 0min 0min fully calmed normal panic attack something else even though believe dying felt like throat closing panic attack fuck supposed stop help deep breath help meditation make thousand time worse trying grounding technique make worse knowing trick end make feel worse -"For the past few days i’ve been dealing with extreme bouts of anxiety. I feel anxious all day, nausea all day and i cant seem to stop thinking about negative thoughts. - -I’ve been dealing with a lot of ups and downs regarding school and romantic relationships. I keep skipping school because my anxiety is way too high. - -I dont know how to calm it down. I want to see a psychologist but right now its very hard to get to see one so i’ll need all/any advice you have. Thank you",1,past day dealing extreme bout anxiety feel anxious day nausea day cant seem stop thinking negative thought dealing lot ups down regarding school romantic relationship keep skipping school anxiety way high dont know calm want see psychologist right hard get see one need advice thank -"Nothing freaks me out more then when I get that stabbing pain in my chest, I’m it’s my anxiety all my test are good I am healthy dr said many I have inflammation in my chest, but reading in here that other people get chest pain to helped me pease together that it’s my anxiety. I’ve had anxiety my whole like started getting medicine for it 5 years ago, meds work at first then stop, I just took a fast acting pill bc the anxiety was so bad, it’s hard to focus but I try and distracted myself by reading, I just want a normal day :(",1,nothing freak get stabbing pain chest anxiety test good healthy dr said many inflammation chest reading people get chest pain helped pea together anxiety anxiety whole like started getting medicine year ago med work first stop took fast acting pill bc anxiety bad hard focus try distracted reading want normal day -So earlier I was on a run and some kids were playing football behind me. One of them accidentally kicked the ball in my direction. I could hear him getting closer behind me and I had a sort of intrusive worry that he might kick the ball at me or something. As soon as I stopped worrying about it I realised how irrational it was but I then started to worry that it was seemingly a paranoid thought and could be a sign of my mental health getting worse. Can anyone relate to thoughts similar to this?,1,earlier run kid playing football behind one accidentally kicked ball direction could hear getting closer behind sort intrusive worry might kick ball something soon stopped worrying realised irrational started worry seemingly paranoid thought could sign mental health getting worse anyone relate thought similar -I had a panic attack on my way to a meditation group because I was heavily triggered today. I was so embarrassed I was driving and my husband was in the passenger seat and I almost crashed the car. I am so ashamed of myself and I feel so helpless. I feel like im getting worse even though I'm fighting so hard to get better. I started therapy and I began this mediation group and still im sinking deeper and deeper because I was triggered. I feel like I hate myself and I just want to give up.,1,panic attack way meditation group heavily triggered today embarrassed driving husband passenger seat almost crashed car ashamed feel helpless feel like im getting worse even though fighting hard get better started therapy began mediation group still im sinking deeper deeper triggered feel like hate want give -"hello!! im currently 22 and ive only ever driven on the freeway once (was on for like a minute before i got scared and got off). if for any reason i HAVE to use it, i ask a friend to take me or i get an uber instead. driving in general has always been scary for me, but the freeway is the bane of my existence. i feel like at my age its becoming a problem, plus its just kind of embarrassing to admit to other people my age haha especially if im asking for a ride. if anyone else has had this problem, please let me know what you did to overcome it, thank you!!",1,hello im currently ive ever driven freeway like minute got scared got reason use ask friend take get uber instead driving general always scary freeway bane existence feel like age becoming problem plus kind embarrassing admit people age haha especially im asking ride anyone else problem please let know overcome thank -"My girlfriend has suffered some serious trauma in the past and suffers from pretty serious anxiety and sometimes depression now. She also has a problem where when she goes out with friends she always blacks out and then feels very anxious and depressed for multiple days after. - -She blacked out again last night (after assuring me she wouldn’t even drink) and now says that sometimes she doesn’t know if I’m real or if she’s real. - -I just don’t know how to handle this as it’s become a huge burden on our relationship, and I’m especially concerned now that she mentioned these symptoms of depersonalization.",1,girlfriend suffered serious trauma past suffers pretty serious anxiety sometimes depression also problem go friend always black feel anxious depressed multiple day blacked last night assuring even drink say sometimes know real real know handle become huge burden relationship especially concerned mentioned symptom depersonalization -"So I have struggled with anxiety and depression due to complex PTSD since I was young. I (21F) went to counseling for 8 years in my teens and also medically managed my disorder with medication. I am still taking a hefty dose of an SSRI and have been maintaining my anxiety and depression fairly well while going through college/transitioning to adulthood. -I recently (in the past 3 days) have started having uncontrollable anxiety that has led into the worst panic attack I’ve had in over 10 years. I was so worked up that I brought myself to the ER for help because I was so scared and eventually exhausted myself out in the waiting room. I’m am still having serious anxiety and have managed to be functional but with how high my anxiety levels are, I could be back in the state I was yesterday and I don’t want to do that. -My current plan is to set myself up with a new therapist to get help and to discuss my medication with my doctor. Unfortunately that can’t happen overnight, so I’m the meantime I am asking for your advice on coping mechanisms/ ways to calm yourself down or out of a panic attack. I normally use rational thoughts to try and bring myself down, walking outside will help a bit, deep breathes, listening to music/meditations, etc. These haven’t been working recently and I’m looking to learn & find newer tactics in the short term while finding professional help. -I know that what is triggering this is a large life transition coming up and it’s not something that’s going away any time soon, so I can’t just avoid it to reduce my anxiety. -Thank you!",1,struggled anxiety depression due complex ptsd since young f went counseling year teen also medically managed disorder medication still taking hefty dose ssri maintaining anxiety depression fairly well going college transitioning adulthood recently past day started uncontrollable anxiety led worst panic attack 0 year worked brought er help scared eventually exhausted waiting room still serious anxiety managed functional high anxiety level could back state yesterday want current plan set new therapist get help discus medication doctor unfortunately happen overnight meantime asking advice coping mechanism way calm panic attack normally use rational thought try bring walking outside help bit deep breathes listening music meditation etc working recently looking learn amp find newer tactic short term finding professional help know triggering large life transition coming something going away time soon avoid reduce anxiety thank -I worry a lot about things like getting into a car crash getting cancer and just anything bad happening to me any advice on hot to stop this it's bad,1,worry lot thing like getting car crash getting cancer anything bad happening advice hot stop bad -But I still look at them everyday 🥲 and overthink for hours.,1,still look everyday overthink hour -"Thinking of starting it. I have bad anxiety and think I have situational depression. What’s everyone’s favorite medication and why? - -I’m nervous to start something for fear I’ll gain weight or lose my sex drive. Something that doesn’t usually cause that would be ideal.",1,thinking starting bad anxiety think situational depression everyone favorite medication nervous start something fear gain weight lose sex drive something usually cause would ideal -"I am 21 years old, junior in college. I have multiple problems that I need to address. To start, I have gotten carried away with smoking weed. I have been using it almost everyday since I was 18 and I can no longer control it. Im always buying it when I can't always afford it, I spend a good amount of my time at home smoking weed or using THC products. I have also been drinking a lot more than I used to, and I have even picked up a nicotine habit from my friends. I am not doing as well in school as I should be and I really need to be more proactive and motivated, but I feel no motivation some days to even do anything school related. I havent been eating well a lot of days, been eating a lot of fast food and skipping meals some days. - -There are nights where I barely get enough sleep because I end up staying up most of the night being on my phone, watching TV, or playing video games. I have set goals for myself that I want to workout more, build myself up, and eat better but I never stick to them. I feel very anxious and depressed a lot of the time, with the only relief I have felt comes from hanging out and talking with friends. I have some really great friends that I am very close with and a wonderful family that would do anything for me but I can't help but feel alone. - -I feel a great need for companionship and I have been trying to get into a relationship for a long time, going from one person to the next but nothing ever becoming of it and we become strangers again. It has taken away a lot of my energy and exhausted my motivation and drives me further into my loneliness and adds to my anxiety. I have been on an emotional rollercoaster the past several months talking and going out with multiple girls (not at the same time) and it ending the same. I just feel a void in my life some days and lately I have been spending a lot of time around friends to try and fill that void, more than I usually do which could also contribute to me spending less time on school and a lot of other important things. I have barely been home in the past week because I was with friends. - - I feel completely empty and hopeless somedays and feel like my life is over. I see others living their best life, exciting things happening, having opportunities, connection with others is just natural to them, and just having a great time with life and then there's me who wishes I could be that way but I know I am different than them and no one will ever see me like that. I will always be by myself wherever I go, and I used to be such a happy child, excited for life, not afraid to dream big and wonder about the future, and just live in the moment but things happened that turned me into what I am today. I feel like a shell of who I could have been and that my younger self would be dissapointed in me. I wish I could go back to when I was about 5 and not taken it for granted and go through life again with what i know now. - -Some days I really do not like the person I am turning into. I do not thing that I am doing what's best for myself mentally, physically, and emotionally. I feel like I'm on a treadmill, walking through life but not actually getting anywhere while watching everyone else pass me by. I really need to break out of this mindset and change my life around if I am going to survive in this world and live the good and happy life that I always wanted and not a wasted life.",1,year old junior college multiple problem need address start gotten carried away smoking weed using almost everyday since longer control im always buying always afford spend good amount time home smoking weed using thc product also drinking lot used even picked nicotine habit friend well school really need proactive motivated feel motivation day even anything school related havent eating well lot day eating lot fast food skipping meal day night barely get enough sleep end staying night phone watching tv playing video game set goal want workout build eat better never stick feel anxious depressed lot time relief felt come hanging talking friend really great friend close wonderful family would anything help feel alone feel great need companionship trying get relationship long time going one person next nothing ever becoming become stranger taken away lot energy exhausted motivation drive loneliness add anxiety emotional rollercoaster past several month talking going multiple girl time ending feel void life day lately spending lot time around friend try fill void usually could also contribute spending le time school lot important thing barely home past week friend feel completely empty hopeless somedays feel like life see others living best life exciting thing happening opportunity connection others natural great time life wish could way know different one ever see like always wherever go used happy child excited life afraid dream big wonder future live moment thing happened turned today feel like shell could younger self would dissapointed wish could go back taken granted go life know day really like person turning thing best mentally physically emotionally feel like treadmill walking life actually getting anywhere watching everyone else pas really need break mindset change life around going survive world live good happy life always wanted wasted life -"For context Im a 20 year old over all physically healthy person. I was diagnosed with Bipolar II when I was 16/17. I have never been medicated other than the first month of my diagnosis. I quit taking the medicine after that month. Now a days, I am pretty confident in my ability to control my bipolar tendencies. I know my bodies warning signs for mania as well as for the lows. I know how to be proactive and aware of my situation. Despite all of this I have begun having panic attacks. I have made an appointment with my doctor so I can discuss all of my medical worries and to hopefully weed out any physical issues i may be experiencing. The first time I had what I think is a panic attack was back in September. I was in Nashville with some friends for the weekend and on one of our days I actually collapsed in a cafe after feeling extreme nausea, dizziness, and anxiety. Up until recently i thought it may have something to do with me being malnourished or dehydrated. Now im not too sure. The second one that comes to mind is when I was snowboarding back in February and ended up almost collapsing in the middle of the day. Vision and nausea were terrible. My most recent one was yesterday, simply sitting at a red light in an intersection. what started with me feeling nervous about being nauseas quickly spiraled into me feeling dizzy and panicky again. and of course the crying is uncontrollable. I guess im just now wondering if i am sick or if all of this is panic? i am scared. i am worried. i have a trip coming up later this year where I will be flying and I do not want to panic at the airport or 12 hours from home. I think I need advice and insight. Sending my love to all of those struggling with this terrible, terrible problem. Im very thankful for any advice anyone may have.",1,context im 0 year old physically healthy person diagnosed bipolar ii never medicated first month diagnosis quit taking medicine month day pretty confident ability control bipolar tendency know body warning sign mania well low know proactive aware situation despite begun panic attack made appointment doctor discus medical worry hopefully weed physical issue may experiencing first time think panic attack back september nashville friend weekend one day actually collapsed cafe feeling extreme nausea dizziness anxiety recently thought may something malnourished dehydrated im sure second one come mind snowboarding back february ended almost collapsing middle day vision nausea terrible recent one yesterday simply sitting red light intersection started feeling nervous nausea quickly spiraled feeling dizzy panicky course cry uncontrollable guess im wondering sick panic scared worried trip coming later year flying want panic airport hour home think need advice insight sending love struggling terrible terrible problem im thankful advice anyone may -"I keep having anxiety in the shower. Sometimes I can manage through but I had to shave and take a little extra time. My usual anxious thoughts about a million ways to die (I swear I could have written the script to the movie) and why I'm terrified of the unkniwn waved over me and I pushed through the shower as fast as I could, got out, and instantly took a full pill of my clonazepam .25 mg. Now I'm sitting here about 45 minutes later, still half anxious, struggling to even right this as my brain is going into shut down mode. I still have to make dinner but my husband may be tasked with it tonight. Which I know he won't complain or think anything of it, but it makes me feel like a bad wife. I went almost 2 months with little to no anxiety until about 2 weeks ago and now I feel like I'm right back to where I was. It's been two years and I'm so ungodly tired of this. I'm tired of being good for a couple years then being thrown back into anxiety/panic attacks. I'm tired of deciding that not feeling at all is better than participating in living. :c",1,keep anxiety shower sometimes manage shave take little extra time usual anxious thought million way die swear could written script movie terrified unkniwn waved pushed shower fast could got instantly took full pill clonazepam mg sitting minute later still half anxious struggling even right brain going shut mode still make dinner husband may tasked tonight know complain think anything make feel like bad wife went almost month little anxiety week ago feel like right back two year ungodly tired tired good couple year thrown back anxiety panic attack tired deciding feeling better participating living c -"Not sure if anyone else has this issue, it seems like notifications and txts give me major anxiety. I’ll put off responding to anyone (including family) and then it just becomes this mountain in my mind to the point where it’s been a month since my family texted me for my birthday and I still haven’t responded to most of them. This has destroyed friendships for me too. I feel like we all have to be available to text back 24/7 with smartphones and social media and I cannot deal with that. - -Does anyone have any suggestions to help? I just feel lost.",1,sure anyone else issue seems like notification txts give major anxiety put responding anyone including family becomes mountain mind point month since family texted birthday still responded destroyed friendship feel like available text back smartphones social medium deal anyone suggestion help feel lost -"I don't know how I can feel this horrible and unable to breathe so badly and this only be anxiety. I genuinely feel like I'm going to pass out, and I have nothing to be anxious about. Is this really what anxiety feels like? I can't take a deep breath, this is so awful.",1,know feel horrible unable breathe badly anxiety genuinely feel like going pas nothing anxious really anxiety feel like take deep breath awful -"I haven't had a set therapist for a year now, and as much as I want to find a new one, I am too scared to do so. My insomnia is on the rise again, and I really want someone to talk to about it. My school has an off-site database for therapists that I can talk to, but I guess I am just too afraid to do it. I question whether they'd be suitable for my case or not. Anxious about their techniques and if I will have the same connection with them just like my previous therapist. I had my previous therapist for 2 years, and it took me a year to finally open up. - -I want to do it, but I am too afraid. If I don't like them, I feel like I would just stay because I would not have the courage to leave.",1,set therapist year much want find new one scared insomnia rise really want someone talk school site database therapist talk guess afraid question whether suitable case anxious technique connection like previous therapist previous therapist year took year finally open want afraid like feel like would stay would courage leave -"I've been going to therapy on and off for years to help me with anxiety, depression, and difficult life events. I'm trying to learn tools on my own to educate myself. I'm aware of self-care and coping strategies, but I'm having a hard time with self awareness of my own anxiety symptoms and triggers. Does anyone recommend any resources to learn in this area? Thank you.",1,going therapy year help anxiety depression difficult life event trying learn tool educate aware self care coping strategy hard time self awareness anxiety symptom trigger anyone recommend resource learn area thank -"I've been going to therapy on and off for years to help me with anxiety, depression, and difficult life events. I'm trying to learn tools on my own to educate myself. I'm aware of self-care and coping strategies, but I'm having a hard time with self awareness of my own anxiety symptoms and triggers. Does anyone recommend any resources to learn in this area? Thank you.",1,going therapy year help anxiety depression difficult life event trying learn tool educate aware self care coping strategy hard time self awareness anxiety symptom trigger anyone recommend resource learn area thank -"I was at work today and suddenly felt really really sleepy for no reason. I do feel sleepy sometimes but this was like extreme sleepiness/brain fog”ish” feeling that I haven’t experienced at all which of course made me little bit anxious luckily my HA is more manageable now as I know how to handle it. The sleepiness/fatigue lasted for like 30-40 min and then I was fine when I got home. I’m 23 yo healthy male and the only thing I suffer from is pollen allergy. -PS: Was really proud of myself that I didn’t panic at that moment cuz I would definitely panicked when my HA was really bad.",1,work today suddenly felt really really sleepy reason feel sleepy sometimes like extreme sleepiness brain fog ish feeling experienced course made little bit anxious luckily ha manageable know handle sleepiness fatigue lasted like 0 0 min fine got home yo healthy male thing suffer pollen allergy p really proud panic moment cuz would definitely panicked ha really bad -"Convinced myself when I take it in they will be annoyed at me and judge me for it not working (nothing physically broken that I can see). - -Really just need someone to tell me not to overthink it. If you’re retail yourself that’s a bonus",1,convinced take annoyed judge working nothing physically broken see really need someone tell overthink retail bonus -"Hi! I \[19F\] just applied to become the disabilities rep for one of the societies at my uni. This is kind of a big deal for me since I've never really interacted outside of the bubble of maybe 7-10 people in total of my year, and did not visit any of the society meetups... but with the way the applications are looking, they're letting just about anyone in. Several people who happen to be my friends are also applying for other positions and I know it might just be our little bubble but I am so very proud of myself for doing something I have never done before. I got diagnosed with anxiety and depression just very recently and I had to take the rest of the year off from uni, so yeah, this is a big thing for me... omg",1,hi 9f applied become disability rep one society uni kind big deal since never really interacted outside bubble maybe 0 people total year visit society meetups way application looking letting anyone several people happen friend also applying position know might little bubble proud something never done got diagnosed anxiety depression recently take rest year uni yeah big thing omg -"So basically we’re getting evicted. We have like a month or 2 to move out and we found a house we wanted but we haven’t gotten the application for the house :( I’m 15 for some context so i could obviously live with my dad for a while but I’m scared things won’t workout and we won’t get the house or our landlord will say something bad about us so we can’t get the house or we’ll lose money. - -My anxiety and worry about this is really bad and I don’t wanna talk to my mom about my worries because i feel like she’s stressed enough.",1,basically getting evicted like month move found house wanted gotten application house context could obviously live dad scared thing workout get house landlord say something bad u get house lose money anxiety worry really bad wan na talk mom worry feel like stressed enough -"So my psych put me on Klonopin to take for the ones I have at night and upped my dose of Lexapro. I don't have 1 particular trigger, the attacks just happen anywhere and at anytime. So if klonopin is an as needed, short term medicine I don't know if it's going to help me in the long run if my attacks don't stop. - -Has this med ever helped you and what else do you take/do that helps you?",1,psych put klonopin take one night upped dose lexapro particular trigger attack happen anywhere anytime klonopin needed short term medicine know going help long run attack stop med ever helped else take help -How does your anxiety manifest itself when you are having severe anxiety?,1,anxiety manifest severe anxiety -"Hi all. Me again. - -I’ve (23F) experienced a barrage of unfavorable/stressful events since the beginning of 2022. This has created a constant baseline of lingering anxiety. It’s not subtle. I am no longer able to function normally due to the chronic flight or fight response. Physical symptoms include sweating, tight chest, and a pumping stomach (adrenaline overload). I can’t perform simple tasks without losing my breath. Sleep is important to me, yet I have an overhanging feeling of dread when going to bed. Sometimes I can sleep smoothly, other times it’s a war. My main form of peace and solace has become my enemy. - -My doctor recommended I start on Lexapro again – something that I had taken during my college days to cope with severe test anxiety. By day 2, it created a serotonin-fueled brain overload. My symptoms intensified by a magnitude of 100. I was unable to sleep for 48 hours. It caused me to pass out at work and chat with onsite medics. My psychiatrist told me to stop the Lexapro. I was instead given 20 mg propranolol (taken twice daily), and 50 mg hydroxyzine to help me fall asleep. I was also given 50 mg trazodone to knock myself out if needed, but I only felt that I had to take this the first night to force reboot my body. Was terrified of going into psychosis if I went another night with zero sleep. - -I’m at a loss. Everything is hard. I’m seeing a therapist to cope. I’m scared of losing my job. It’s physically and intellectually demanding but **brain machine broke** and I’m unable to properly focus. I’m scared of having to move all the way back home because of my instability. I often find myself wondering if this is a life worth living. It doesn’t help that I live alone in the middle of nowhere. - -I’ll use this thread to update my progress. I know lots of folks are going through this. Keeping people informed of treatments and whatnot that may help them in turn is one of the small pieces of hope that I’m holding onto during these uncertain times. - -Much love, - -TheTipsyAlchemist",1,hi f experienced barrage unfavorable stressful event since beginning 0 created constant baseline lingering anxiety subtle longer able function normally due chronic flight fight response physical symptom include sweating tight chest pumping stomach adrenaline overload perform simple task without losing breath sleep important yet overhanging feeling dread going bed sometimes sleep smoothly time war main form peace solace become enemy doctor recommended start lexapro – something taken college day cope severe test anxiety day created serotonin fueled brain overload symptom intensified magnitude 00 unable sleep hour caused pas work chat onsite medic psychiatrist told stop lexapro instead given 0 mg propranolol taken twice daily 0 mg hydroxyzine help fall asleep also given 0 mg trazodone knock needed felt take first night force reboot body terrified going psychosis went another night zero sleep loss everything hard seeing therapist cope scared losing job physically intellectually demanding brain machine broke unable properly focus scared move way back home instability often find wondering life worth living help live alone middle nowhere use thread update progress know lot folk going keeping people informed treatment whatnot may help turn one small piece hope holding onto uncertain time much love thetipsyalchemist -I’ve lost over at least 11 jobs because of my mental illness. Maybe I should just focus on counseling and my medication for now. And stop pushing myself to take jobs that I’m clearly not ready for. I’m 29 years old and I can’t even keep a job I feel like a complete waste of time and energy. Please someone tell me that it’s gonna be ok and that I’m doing the right thing. Should I just quit? Or should I keep fighting for the job? I dunno,1,lost least job mental illness maybe focus counseling medication stop pushing take job clearly ready 9 year old even keep job feel like complete waste time energy please someone tell gon na ok right thing quit keep fighting job dunno -I’m feeling so bad. I can’t function anymore and will probably be hospitalised. But I got a message from a teacher saying I was missing too many classes and referring me to the school’s psychologist. What can I do?,1,feeling bad function anymore probably hospitalised got message teacher saying missing many class referring school psychologist -I’m 27. I want to look for a job that would be good for someone with anxiety. I struggle with anxiety which isn’t even bad it’s the symptoms like blushing and sweating that I absolutely hate. I feel like right now it’s easy to find a job but I’m just worried about it making my anxiety symptoms worse and people noticing.,1,want look job would good someone anxiety struggle anxiety even bad symptom like blushing sweating absolutely hate feel like right easy find job worried making anxiety symptom worse people noticing -"Hello all! -I'm getting married in a few months and my anxiety is at an all time high. I love my fiance. He's kind, caring, supportive and so much more. But I am freaking out about taking a big step. I was married previously and it didn't work out. I know this time is different, but I can't help but to be nervous about the whole thing. I love hom so much and I can't picture my life without him. I want it to work. - -Any advice on how to deal with anxiety and unpleasant feelings? Thanks!",1,hello getting married month anxiety time high love fiance kind caring supportive much freaking taking big step married previously work know time different help nervous whole thing love hom much picture life without want work advice deal anxiety unpleasant feeling thanks -"I have a friend in another country who has no one to turn to and is battling anorexia, otherwise alone, for the past 4-5 months. She's in a bad and worsening physical and mental state, low-key suicidal, but has the option of a stay in a treatment clinic. However, she's scared and has all these reservations about going. It's in a different city a train ride away for one thing. She's an adult and there's no one who is able to arrange it for her (I can't do it or I would, family being no help, no friends around her either). - -This is new territory for me, I'm learning as much as I can about this illness but I don't know how to proceed here. I want to urge her to make the phonecall all the time but I don't want her to feel pressured and shut down. I'm scared to even ask her if she's done it yet. She talks about feeling worthless and undeserving of treament, she questions whether she's even that thin (she is, along with a bunch of other symptoms, she's a textbook case), and she talks like she's ready to give up even though help is within reach. - -What do I do?",1,friend another country one turn battling anorexia otherwise alone past month bad worsening physical mental state low key suicidal option stay treatment clinic however scared reservation going different city train ride away one thing adult one able arrange would family help friend around either new territory learning much illness know proceed want urge make phonecall time want feel pressured shut scared even ask done yet talk feeling worthless undeserving treament question whether even thin along bunch symptom textbook case talk like ready give even though help within reach -Idk who need to hear this but im really proud of you and you should be of yourself too. Recently i said that to someone and she said “I’m proud of myself too” and idk how to explain you guys but it really blown my mind. Like i take myself for granted. But we need to understand how much we are doing and living despite having this anxiety. I wasn’t able to tell my friend about my struggle because im not strong enough to let the people in my life know of my struggle. But still i feel proud of myself. Yes it get messy but we are doing our best and should be proud of ourselves 💖,1,idk need hear im really proud recently said someone said proud idk explain guy really blown mind like take granted need understand much living despite anxiety able tell friend struggle im strong enough let people life know struggle still feel proud yes get messy best proud -"Feels annoying/ like gaslight to me. Since I was born. I just like to do things alone. But recently I went to see a lot of doctors for a thing that happened to me and all of them did not helped. They said I only had anxiety and I needed therapy. They did not cure my infection. Fortunately, I had a last doctor that heard me and believed and wanted to help after 1 year has passed! This is annoying. My mother also since I was born spent 30.000 eur on therapy because she believed I had social anxiety because I did not wanted to go to school I wanted to work at a young age, so she though was something wrong with me. I am a very calm person. If I do not like to talk about tik tok dance that is not my problem.",1,feel annoying like gaslight since born like thing alone recently went see lot doctor thing happened helped said anxiety needed therapy cure infection fortunately last doctor heard believed wanted help year passed annoying mother also since born spent 0 000 eur therapy believed social anxiety wanted go school wanted work young age though something wrong calm person like talk tik tok dance problem -I was scrolling around and read up on brain aneurysms and im terrified of having one now. I saw a headache was a sign and I read that while having one its not severe but still. Now im on the brink of crying and I wanna ask my parents for a check up because of this anxiety but I know they aren't willing to do it. Can someone offer some relief?,1,scrolling around read brain aneurysm im terrified one saw headache sign read one severe still im brink cry wan na ask parent check anxiety know willing someone offer relief -"Last week I went on a spring break trip. It was fun but triggered a lot of anxiety in me. I took a 10 mg edible gummy when I returned home from spring break. I’m new to the gummy world so It somehow hit me way harder than any other time I’ve taken them. The next day I still felt high which I’ve noticed has been normal for me when I take the gummies. I felt off though, like I had been drugged or something. I slept the rest of the day to try and get it to wear off. The next day, I was concerned. I wasn’t back to normal, I felt like I was dreaming. I kept telling my boyfriend and family something wasn’t right with my head and something was wrong with my mind. It was scary for me. I already get bad thoughts occasionally so I was worried I would do something bad. I couldn’t feel anything, taste anything or smell anything. I literally slept the entire day and the next day. I’m only just now feeling more myself but I will go into these zones where I lose track of time, am having trouble forming words and can’t think clearly. I skipped school on Monday because I started to panic and cry. My dad was going to take me to a doctor on Monday and I started crying and told him to call my boyfriend to bring me back home. I went to see my doctor yesterday and am talking with a psychiatrist. It’s really scary. Can anyone who’s experienced talk to me about this?",1,last week went spring break trip fun triggered lot anxiety took 0 mg edible gummy returned home spring break new gummy world somehow hit way harder time taken next day still felt high noticed normal take gummies felt though like drugged something slept rest day try get wear next day concerned back normal felt like dreaming kept telling boyfriend family something right head something wrong mind scary already get bad thought occasionally worried would something bad feel anything taste anything smell anything literally slept entire day next day feeling go zone lose track time trouble forming word think clearly skipped school monday started panic cry dad going take doctor monday started cry told call boyfriend bring back home went see doctor yesterday talking psychiatrist really scary anyone experienced talk -"I'm hoping this inspires some of you! I have suffered from anxiety disorder my whole life. I remember when my family would take small trips and I would be so anxious i wouldn't eat the whole trip. They always worried about me. I also wouldn't eat when we went out, because I was worried I would puke. It finally got so bad in my late 20s that I went to the ER with a terrible panic attack and finally saw a therapist. I was also put on sertraline. I now feel like I have a good handle on my anxiety. About 2 months ago, after almost 5 years, I weaned off the sertraline. Still not sure if that will last, I may have to be on it forever. But so far so good. Even now as I am typing, I am having some anxiety that has come out of nowhere. But I know I will be fine. I can go weeks now without any anxiety. I used to even wake up in a cold sweat panic attack before traveling, shaking and vomiting. I would be SO stressed out, I would think about an event that I know would trigger it for weeks before hand. I would dry heave, shake, sweat, and feel sick to my stomach just thinking about getting stuck in traffic! But I have over come a lot of it, even traveled to other countries and been able to actually relax while on vacation. I wanted to post this in hopes that it can make someone else feel like they are not alone. Because I always felt SO ALONE when I suffered. I felt like there was something so wrong with me and I hated myself. But now I accept my anxiety. My best advice is don't let it win. Don't let it keep you from doing things you love. And remember your anxiety is wrong. You can do things, nothing bad is going to happen, and if something bad does happen, you WILL be able to handle it.",1,hoping inspires suffered anxiety disorder whole life remember family would take small trip would anxious eat whole trip always worried also eat went worried would puke finally got bad late 0 went er terrible panic attack finally saw therapist also put sertraline feel like good handle anxiety month ago almost year weaned sertraline still sure last may forever far good even typing anxiety come nowhere know fine go week without anxiety used even wake cold sweat panic attack traveling shaking vomiting would stressed would think event know would trigger week hand would dry heave shake sweat feel sick stomach thinking getting stuck traffic come lot even traveled country able actually relax vacation wanted post hope make someone else feel like alone always felt alone suffered felt like something wrong hated accept anxiety best advice let win let keep thing love remember anxiety wrong thing nothing bad going happen something bad happen able handle -"My anxiety comes with irritability, avoidance of others, impatience, low frustration tolerance, sleep issues, restlessness, and all sorts of strange worries, but the thing that really annoys the fuck out of me is the constant tight feeling in my head, neck and chest. Anyone else feel this way?",1,anxiety come irritability avoidance others impatience low frustration tolerance sleep issue restlessness sort strange worry thing really annoys fuck constant tight feeling head neck chest anyone else feel way -"TW: Terrorism, Death - -&#x200B; - -I (23F, Australia) have crippling anxieties surrounding flying and I really want to figure out how to deal with it. - -I didn’t know the root cause of this fear until I was about 21 or so when I was having a conversation with my parents. During this conversation, they casually brought up the fact that they had let me watch 9/11 on the news (I was 2.5 at the time), including all the footage of the moments the planes hit the Twin Towers, people jumping out, the recordings of people saying goodbye to their loved ones and so on. For two weeks after, apparently all I would say was “plane goes boom”. - -Despite not remembering any of this, it checks out as I’ve always had a very deep-seeded fear of flying for as long as I can remember and I was clearly just a tad traumatised by this (I do remember being a child and always crying in not wanting to go on family holidays because I was convinced there were bombs on the planes and would be looking under my seat and so on searching). The last time I went on a plane was when I was 16 for a family holiday, where I was admittedly a massive brat and refused to do any of the activities during the week because I was so upset that I was being forced to take mere domestic flights and just wanted to go home. Because of my ability to now refuse to step on a plane as an adult, I have only been to two other countries near Australia which were all during my childhood (it is not lost on me that this is still a very, very, very privileged position to be in and that there are far worse things in life than not being well-travelled). However, I would really like to get over my fear of flying because since it is impeding on my life. - -For me, my biggest hang up over flying is perhaps the lack of control associated with it. I’m at the whim of the pilots and the plane. I know statistically I’m more likely to die in just about any other way. But I think what makes me not have a crippling phobia of anything else is that I probably delude myself into thinking I have more control in those other situations (eg. if I get into a train crash or something, I have more of a chance of surviving by kicking a window out or someone else dragging me out). And often, activities like driving are just necessary for going about daily life, so I can justify the risk. However, flying isn’t some absolute necessity so I have a far harder time justifying it and am completely distraught over the idea of dying just because I wanted to go on some silly holiday. - -I was intending to do some travel this year since I’ve graduated university, and thought I had managed my fear. I am supremely grateful that money isn’t an issue for me, so I’m more than happy to spend more on flights with “safe” airlines like Qantas for me not to have a complete breakdown mid-flight and figured a lot of my anxieties could hopefully be managed through that. But the latest China Eastern situation has sent me into a spiral and I’m not doing great (obviously, can’t compare it to what the poor victims and their loved ones are experiencing). I tried to stay away from it but I accidentally saw the still of the plane vertically diving and I nearly threw up. I had quite similar reactions to other plane crashes in my lifetime and they completely derail my life for weeks afterwards because I get so upset from it. - -I apologise for how long this post is, just a bit of a mess at the moment and have achieved absolutely nothing today except writing this post. I’m just not really sure where to go from here, but am open to any suggestions. Thank you so much for your comments in advance, I genuinely really appreciate it.",1,tw terrorism death amp x 00b f australia crippling anxiety surrounding flying really want figure deal know root cause fear conversation parent conversation casually brought fact let watch 9 news time including footage moment plane hit twin tower people jumping recording people saying goodbye loved one two week apparently would say plane go boom despite remembering check always deep seeded fear flying long remember clearly tad traumatised remember child always cry wanting go family holiday convinced bomb plane would looking seat searching last time went plane family holiday admittedly massive brat refused activity week upset forced take mere domestic flight wanted go home ability refuse step plane adult two country near australia childhood lost still privileged position far worse thing life well travelled however would really like get fear flying since impeding life biggest hang flying perhaps lack control associated whim pilot plane know statistically likely die way think make crippling phobia anything else probably delude thinking control situation eg get train crash something chance surviving kicking window someone else dragging often activity like driving necessary going daily life justify risk however flying absolute necessity far harder time justifying completely distraught idea dying wanted go silly holiday intending travel year since graduated university thought managed fear supremely grateful money issue happy spend flight safe airline like qantas complete breakdown mid flight figured lot anxiety could hopefully managed latest china eastern situation sent spiral great obviously compare poor victim loved one experiencing tried stay away accidentally saw still plane vertically diving nearly threw quite similar reaction plane crash lifetime completely derail life week afterwards get upset apologise long post bit mess moment achieved absolutely nothing today except writing post really sure go open suggestion thank much comment advance genuinely really appreciate -"hey everyone, im currently taking wellbutrin and buspirone (buspar) for depression and anxiety. they're both atypical meds because i am afraid of the side effects of SSRIs like loss of libido. just so happens that both the meds im on currently are supposed to help with libido/counteract negative sexual side effects of ssris. the thing is, i do have a high libido, but my anxiety is off the charts and im still pretty depressed. psychiatrist wants to put me on lexapro along with sticking with my current meds, i know it would very likely help with depression/anxiety, but im still worried about the side effects. my question i guess is, if you have a high libido to begin with, but anxiety and intrusive, ruminating thoughts is the main problem, what are the odds that lexapro wouldn't negatively impact my libido at all? maybe even increase it because it lowers my anxiety and depression? especially given that my current meds are supposed to help with that. thanks for reading.",1,hey everyone im currently taking wellbutrin buspirone buspar depression anxiety atypical med afraid side effect ssri like loss libido happens med im currently supposed help libido counteract negative sexual side effect ssri thing high libido anxiety chart im still pretty depressed psychiatrist want put lexapro along sticking current med know would likely help depression anxiety im still worried side effect question guess high libido begin anxiety intrusive ruminating thought main problem odds lexapro negatively impact libido maybe even increase lower anxiety depression especially given current med supposed help thanks reading -"(Potentially triggering for panic attacks and urinary issues) - -My anxiety is usually high right when I try to get to sleep and my mind is undistracted, and lately I feel the need to pee a lot when trying to doze off, though it's more often than not only very small amounts or none at all. One night before a big event, I never slept at all and got up every few minutes, sometimes there was nothing but most of the time there was a very small amount. - -Does anyone else experience this? I struggle to narrow down the cause as it doesn't really happen during the day, though I spent my last job interview paranoid I was going to have an attack and/or pee myself during it (after getting no sleep the night before). I've also lost my fitness and don't always eat well but I'm not massively out of shape or anything.",1,potentially triggering panic attack urinary issue anxiety usually high right try get sleep mind undistracted lately feel need pee lot trying doze though often small amount none one night big event never slept got every minute sometimes nothing time small amount anyone else experience struggle narrow cause really happen day though spent last job interview paranoid going attack pee getting sleep night also lost fitness always eat well massively shape anything -"Does anyone else have like.... anxiety tics (for lack of a better word and if there is a better word please let me know!) - -I think one of mine is picking at my split ends. Sometimes I do it when I'm bored, but I know when I'm anxious I'll just grab a bit of hair and pull at the split ends to get them off. I don't pull out my hair, just the split ends if they come off. If they don't I don't keep pulling. But is that normal for anxiety? lol Just curious",1,anyone else like anxiety tic lack better word better word please let know think one mine picking split end sometimes bored know anxious grab bit hair pull split end get pull hair split end come keep pulling normal anxiety lol curious -"I won’t be able to start college until September, so I’ll be at home doing nothing till then. So a job would be great, right? But I can’t get past the interviews. I have a panic attack every time I try. I just fed so unless. I sit at home doing nothing every single day. Ugh any advice would be great!",1,able start college september home nothing till job would great right get past interview panic attack every time try fed unless sit home nothing every single day ugh advice would great -"So many things from my childhood I haven’t gotten over.. because I never addressed them and I’ve just been so emotional. I don’t really have anyone to talk to or turn to and times like these I wish I could just have a hug and know that I am loved by someone. My anxiety is getting unbearable, and the ocd is getting worse. I am an adult now but my mind still doesn’t feel developed. I think I had a lot of comprehension issues when I was a child and they never got resolved so now I’m an adult and I can’t understand simple things because I overthink or I can’t focus on what’s being said. It’s caused me a lot of frustration.. I just started as a cashier today and my anxiety was through the roof.. I don’t get things fast like everyone else .. it’s like some parts of my brain are active and the other parts are just dead or foggy.. that’s how I’ve felt my whole life and looking back at how I handled school work it was so obvious.. I probably had ADHD or something but in my family it was looked at as bad to be anything besides normal so I could play my disabilities off well and just pretend .. but because of that it’s catching up to me in my adult life.. I really just want to vent to someone because I honestly have no one to talk to.. I don’t even know if this is the right thread but I just have no one.",1,many thing childhood gotten never addressed emotional really anyone talk turn time like wish could hug know loved someone anxiety getting unbearable ocd getting worse adult mind still feel developed think lot comprehension issue child never got resolved adult understand simple thing overthink focus said caused lot frustration started cashier today anxiety roof get thing fast like everyone else like part brain active part dead foggy felt whole life looking back handled school work obvious probably adhd something family looked bad anything besides normal could play disability well pretend catching adult life really want vent someone honestly one talk even know right thread one -We have avoided it the past two years but just now she showed me her lateral flow test and it looked positive. I’m worried about getting it I’ve been with her most of the day! This is my worst nightmare and I don’t know what to do. Last week I did feel extremely fatigued but I chalked it up to my chronic illness. I’m worried about my mum as well as she has asthma. Please if anyone can reassure me that I won’t or might not get it or any reassurance would be great thank you :(,1,avoided past two year showed lateral flow test looked positive worried getting day worst nightmare know last week feel extremely fatigued chalked chronic illness worried mum well asthma please anyone reassure might get reassurance would great thank -"I used to joke that he doesn't remember what my name is, but it's not funny anymore, it actually kind of hurts. We've been together for 4 years and he never calls me by my name, or even a pet name. EVER! - -If he needs me to come, he doesn't shout from the other room ""babe / Jill / love / etc, please come here"", he comes to me and just says ""I need you to come for a sec"". - -I've expressed my hurt several times, he just says he feels way too awkward using names on people directly and uses an excuse that his parents never use their names between them either (not true). I told him he should make an effort at least for me, but he just stays silent and never does. - -I thought of dropping this subject at some point because I love him, bu then I got super pissed off. Like... I'm not asking him to do a headstand every time I enter the room... I just want him to call me SOMETHING nice. - -I am also a severely anxious person but I go to therapy and he doesn't want to. - -Any ideas?",1,used joke remember name funny anymore actually kind hurt together year never call name even pet name ever need come shout room babe jill love etc please come come say need come sec expressed hurt several time say feel way awkward using name people directly us excuse parent never use name either true told make effort least stay silent never thought dropping subject point love bu got super pissed like asking headstand every time enter room want call something nice also severely anxious person go therapy want idea -"So I recently moved to a state 2000 miles away from my home with my parents even though there was no point in it (I'm 16) and this isn't just the right place for me and there's nothing I can do about it. All my family members who lived here convinced my parents to move over here cause apparently it's better. When I'm here my anxiety has gone up by a lot I can't even sit still in peace after getting into a fight like my mind constantly telling me we need to go back home. I never got along with others in public and got into 3 fights at school already did drugs and a lot of stuff like that. My parents think this is the best environment and I'm still acting like this and they never listen to me. I'm having a talk with my therapist in a few days do you think they could convince my parents that this isn't a good place for me and recommend us to move out of the states for better mental health for me? Mentally and emotionally because I just do not belong here I was so much better as a person in my hometown now I can't even tell if this is me I even have done drugs here for the first time and yet my parents/family think I'm the problem, not the environment what can I do?",1,recently moved state 000 mile away home parent even though point right place nothing family member lived convinced parent move cause apparently better anxiety gone lot even sit still peace getting fight like mind constantly telling need go back home never got along others public got fight school already drug lot stuff like parent think best environment still acting like never listen talk therapist day think could convince parent good place recommend u move state better mental health mentally emotionally belong much better person hometown even tell even done drug first time yet parent family think problem environment -"I’m not sure if this is the right subreddit to put this in, but this has been ruining my self-esteem for a while. I’m a senior in highschool and I’m super hyper aware of my presence and reputation. I try not to stand out too much but at the same time I’m not some random face in the background. I do all of this because I despise the word weird. I hate being called weird or anything like it, it makes me feel like absolute garbage and want to erase my existence from the earth. This is most likely since I was bullied pretty decently in middle school, so all through highschool I was dedicated to being seen as “normal” or at least not on the bottom ranks…if that makes any sense. If I ever do anything that seems out of place or too extroverted, I really almost cry, since whenever I bring attention to myself it ends up feeling super cringey and on the spot. It’s like I can’t escape it? Like wherever I go and and whoever I meet they’re all going to think that I’m weird…",1,sure right subreddit put ruining self esteem senior highschool super hyper aware presence reputation try stand much time random face background despise word weird hate called weird anything like make feel like absolute garbage want erase existence earth likely since bullied pretty decently middle school highschool dedicated seen normal least bottom rank make sense ever anything seems place extroverted really almost cry since whenever bring attention end feeling super cringey spot like escape like wherever go whoever meet going think weird -"We’re back after Spring Break. During 1st period I had a panic attack and had to leave. I feel defeated, like I might as well not go back. Didn’t put on a big show or anything- just random stage fright out of nowhere. Going back tomorrow and wondering if the same thing will happen. I knew I was having a panic attack, but didn’t try to work through/embrace it. Going to try harder tomorrow- just feel like a loser that I couldn’t handle it today. Very unprofessional.",1,back spring break st period panic attack leave feel defeated like might well go back put big show anything random stage fright nowhere going back tomorrow wondering thing happen knew panic attack try work embrace going try harder tomorrow feel like loser handle today unprofessional -"I’m terrified I’ve given it to her and I’m also terrified about being stuck in isolation in my room. My anxiety is through the roof. - -I stupidly started reading about all the horrible symptoms of covid and it’s making me feel so freaked out. - -I really don’t know what to do. I feel like my anxiety is going to get so much worse being stuck in my room.",1,terrified given also terrified stuck isolation room anxiety roof stupidly started reading horrible symptom covid making feel freaked really know feel like anxiety going get much worse stuck room -"I went through a chill, short term relationship break up three months ago which shouldn't have really even affected me but somehow it has thrown me into a spiral of overwhelming anxiety. I have difficulty sleeping and functioning with feelings or derealization and a constant sense of doom. I can honestly barely function. For the last 15 years before this I have been completely normal feeling and could easily overcome stress. - -I did have a 6 month or so episode of anxiety when I was 18 where I was put on Lexapro for a short time. I overcame it and was fine ever since. 34m now. - -I now have a prescription sitting here but I dont want to give in to this anxiety. - -Any thoughts on why this happened to me and if I should just start the meds.",1,went chill short term relationship break three month ago really even affected somehow thrown spiral overwhelming anxiety difficulty sleeping functioning feeling derealization constant sense doom honestly barely function last year completely normal feeling could easily overcome stress month episode anxiety put lexapro short time overcame fine ever since prescription sitting dont want give anxiety thought happened start med -"I’ve had a rough week with anxiety and one day I realized it’s because I fear rejection/judgment and I feel like I need to be perfect. For some reason that made me feel worse the next day. That same day I heard my best friends friend make fun of somebodies stutter and he didn’t realize I have a stutter. I realized it’s so easy to talk badly behind peoples backs and that made me feel even worse. I started asking myself “how do I know who I can truly trust?” And I started asking myself if certain family members or coworkers would do this and if they devalued me as a person. As I was doing this I thought “I feel crazy” - -A couple days passed and I realized anyone can make fun of anyone about anything, disability, sexuality, religion, appearance, etc. this made me calm and I started to go about my business and forget about this stuff. And then someone commented on a post I made about it and said they had a similar thought that lead to psychosis and paranoia. Psychosis is one of my biggest fears and as soon as I read that I was on the edge of a panic of attack and it took a good 30-60 minutes to get off of that edge. Ever since then my stomach has hurt and I’ve been so anxious and now I can’t shake this thought. It went from “what if others talk badly behind my back?” To “what if I believe they talk badly behind my back?” - -I know since I’m worried I’ll go crazy that’s a good sign, but since this thought wasn’t originally formed by OCD does that mean it’s the onset of psychosis? Or does the fact I fear it so much (even if it wasn’t cause by OCD) mean I’m still pretty sane? Or will I become paranoid no matter what now? I legitimately feel crazy now and I can’t calm down",1,rough week anxiety one day realized fear rejection judgment feel like need perfect reason made feel worse next day day heard best friend friend make fun somebody stutter realize stutter realized easy talk badly behind people back made feel even worse started asking know truly trust started asking certain family member coworkers would devalued person thought feel crazy couple day passed realized anyone make fun anyone anything disability sexuality religion appearance etc made calm started go business forget stuff someone commented post made said similar thought lead psychosis paranoia psychosis one biggest fear soon read edge panic attack took good 0 0 minute get edge ever since stomach hurt anxious shake thought went others talk badly behind back believe talk badly behind back know since worried go crazy good sign since thought originally formed ocd mean onset psychosis fact fear much even cause ocd mean still pretty sane become paranoid matter legitimately feel crazy calm -Anyone else gets super cold (mainly hands and feet) when stressed?,1,anyone else get super cold mainly hand foot stressed -"As an fyi, I was diagnosed at 16 with OCD. Usual hand washing, fear of germs, thoughts of death, checking things over and over again, different triggers. Didn’t leave the house for two years. - -It’s well controlled now, but I’m worried now that it’s having an impact of relationships. - -So she was 27 at the time, now 28. I’m 31. We chatted for two months, dated for 3, went on dates but mainly she wanted sex. Had a lot of sex, more than actual going out and doing stuff. She becomes distant, then when we see each other again, she says she wants to see me more. We end up texting a lot as she was always unavailable, either with friends, family, or her guy friend - she would see him more than me. We’re texting a lot, so I tell her how I feel and that I want to see her more. - -Few days later she breaks up with me with a text. Won’t go into detail why. I try and text, call her, everything. At first she ignored me, then she gave me a couple of replies, saying we’ll talk, thanks me for birthday gifts I’d gotten her - before we’d broken up - then she just cuts me off. Two weeks later, she’s in a very public relationship with her “guy friend”, who was seeing a lot when we were together, and even stayed over in his place not long before she ended things. - -My problem is, I couldn’t accept that it was over just after a text, even before I knew she was in a new relationship. - -I replied to her, she ignored me. Few days later she replies, tells me we’ll talk. She then ignores me again. I call her a day later, she ignores me and cuts off my call. She messages me a few days later thanking me for a birthday present I’d given her before we’d broken up, apologises for ignoring me and says she shuts down and acts weird in situations like this. I tell her she doesn’t have to feel that way and can talk to me to tell me what’s gone on, then send her a voice clip trying to talk her round. She ignores so I tell her I won’t try again. - -Except I did, and messaged her happy birthday. She replied and I try and make conversation. She ignores me. I then ask her if she wants her stuff back. She ignores me. - -Two weeks later I see she’s in the relationship, so I message her telling her how I felt and that it was right to end things as she wasn’t making time for me. - -I’m bothered that I couldn’t just let go, and it’s making me more concerned that maybe this is my OCD making me obsessed with someone, and that I didn’t actually feel anything for her. I feel like I’ve been set back about 10 years here, worrying whether I acted normal, or whether it was driven by my OCD.",1,fyi diagnosed ocd usual hand washing fear germ thought death checking thing different trigger leave house two year well controlled worried impact relationship time chatted two month dated went date mainly wanted sex lot sex actual going stuff becomes distant see say want see end texting lot always unavailable either friend family guy friend would see texting lot tell feel want see day later break text go detail try text call everything first ignored gave couple reply saying talk thanks birthday gift gotten broken cut two week later public relationship guy friend seeing lot together even stayed place long ended thing problem accept text even knew new relationship replied ignored day later reply tell talk ignores call day later ignores cut call message day later thanking birthday present given broken apologises ignoring say shuts act weird situation like tell feel way talk tell gone send voice clip trying talk round ignores tell try except messaged happy birthday replied try make conversation ignores ask want stuff back ignores two week later see relationship message telling felt right end thing making time bothered let go making concerned maybe ocd making obsessed someone actually feel anything feel like set back 0 year worrying whether acted normal whether driven ocd -"Obviously I know the answer is no and that he is perfectly capable of making his own decision, but I feel like I'm holding him back and since I can't talk to anyone about it.. Let's do it to some strangers online. - -I deal with anxiety and have emetophobia. I've had it since I was 6 and it's only gotten worse over the years. (I'm 28 now) At this point I can barely get enough food in my system to maintain my weight, can't go out to eat and get nervous whenever we eat at family or friends and have to drive back. - -My partner is very understanding and doesn't really care about visiting friends and family often, since he is pretty introverted. However, now that covid is over, he would love to travel again. - -I can't. The thought of being on a plane, ""trapped"" inside a cage in the sky is horrible, but one I can manage. But I'll be in a country with strange food, strange places and I'll most likely be on the verge of a panic attack every night. My partner says that that's no way to go on holiday as its meant to relax, and if I'm stressed the whole time, there's no point. - - -( Edit: he got very frustrated and told me ""I know it's not your fault, but what's the point in having a partner when we can't do anything together?"" ) - -I have reached out to get help, but waitlist are so long that I have no way of knowing when I'll get help. The fun thing is that they've told me they need me at a healthy weight to start therapy, but I'll have to do that without help?! In the back of my mind I'm not very optimistic since therapy hasn't helped the last 20 years either and I've gotten worse every time. - -We're on the verge of buying a house together and I'm just in doubt whether I should go through with it since he deserves much better. - -Thanks for listening, and helping me get this off my chest.",1,obviously know answer perfectly capable making decision feel like holding back since talk anyone let stranger online deal anxiety emetophobia since gotten worse year point barely get enough food system maintain weight go eat get nervous whenever eat family friend drive back partner understanding really care visiting friend family often since pretty introverted however covid would love travel thought plane trapped inside cage sky horrible one manage country strange food strange place likely verge panic attack every night partner say way go holiday meant relax stressed whole time point edit got frustrated told know fault point partner anything together reached get help waitlist long way knowing get help fun thing told need healthy weight start therapy without help back mind optimistic since therapy helped last 0 year either gotten worse every time verge buying house together doubt whether go since deserves much better thanks listening helping get chest -"I know it seems contradictory but hear me out. When my anxiety starts acting up, I seclude myself. Then that leads to feelings of depression and hopelessness that my anxiety will never get better and that I’ll be a hermit forever. Anyone else feel that way?",1,know seems contradictory hear anxiety start acting seclude lead feeling depression hopelessness anxiety never get better hermit forever anyone else feel way -"Every single day at school during my 3rd period I get very nervous for my 4th period and my stomach starts to ache badly, it's like there are gases in my stomach, and I get very gassy. I think I get nervous because I start thinking about this girl I'm very intimidated by, but I wouldn't think that it would make me this anxious. And then in my 3rd period I have to go to the washroom to do number two, and it's usually diarrhea. And that happens every single day in 3rd period. No matter what I do to try to calm myself nothing seems to work, I tried breathing patterns but I just get nervous again. Maybe it's because I eat lunch before 3rd period, but it's every single day that my stomach is aching. Is it normal to feel this way, I don’t know if I should do something about it",1,every single day school rd period get nervous th period stomach start ache badly like gas stomach get gassy think get nervous start thinking girl intimidated think would make anxious rd period go washroom number two usually diarrhea happens every single day rd period matter try calm nothing seems work tried breathing pattern get nervous maybe eat lunch rd period every single day stomach aching normal feel way know something -" - -I always wonder how much of my anxiety justifies things and how much it doesn’t. - -like when I have no energy and just wanna lay in bed and do absolutely nothing, when it feels like I can’t do anything. - -Or when I feel so drained. when I feel to anxious and can’t breathe, or when I get physical symptoms like upset stomach, etc,. - -When this gets in the way of school work or well lack of school work, how much of it is my fault or not my fault? - -Is it just an excuse? But it’s really hard and doesn’t feel like an excuse. Or am I making mysef just believe that I’m struggling but I’m not. - -so confusing :( just wanna sleep all day",1,always wonder much anxiety justifies thing much like energy wan na lay bed absolutely nothing feel like anything feel drained feel anxious breathe get physical symptom like upset stomach etc get way school work well lack school work much fault fault excuse really hard feel like excuse making mysef believe struggling confusing wan na sleep day -"I don't know what to do. My body feels like it is in a constant state of panic. My mind has like a thousand thoughts in the same second and I feel each and every emotion from that thought at once. All those emotions just group up into this constant, literally constant, state of anxiety. When I wake up, I am anxious, when I go to sleep I am anxious, when I go to school, when I am with my friends, etc. I feel like I cannot take it anymore, it is so exhausting. Every night the only way I can fall asleep is consuming so much different media at once I get tired and pass out, which does not happen until 4 am. Whenever I think there is a root to this anxiety I fix it and it does not go away. Like I recently started college, and I was nearly failing by middle of my first semester, I worked hard and turned my grades around thinking that was what was making me anxious, except my mind just finds new things to worry about. I have been broken down to the point of asking for help on reddit, I know you guys can't fix it but please someone tell me that there is something I can do. I already see a therapist, I am honestly not sure if she helps.",1,know body feel like constant state panic mind like thousand thought second feel every emotion thought emotion group constant literally constant state anxiety wake anxious go sleep anxious go school friend etc feel like take anymore exhausting every night way fall asleep consuming much different medium get tired pas happen whenever think root anxiety fix go away like recently started college nearly failing middle first semester worked hard turned grade around thinking making anxious except mind find new thing worry broken point asking help reddit know guy fix please someone tell something already see therapist honestly sure help -" -I’ve been in therapy a few months, CBT. He mostly just advises me to try to stay in the present and mediate. At first it seemed to help a little but the larger issues I have won’t stop bothering me. I make good money and I’m not bad looking at all but I have basically zero friends and I haven’t been on a date in over 10 years. Im 26 and I’ve been thinking about suicide a lot but I obviously can’t tell my therapist or he’ll get me emergency petitioned. - -Im really not sure what to do. My anxiety and depression just seems to keep getting worse. I can barely get myself to eat most days, let alone exercise or try to talk to someone.",1,therapy month cbt mostly advises try stay present mediate first seemed help little larger issue stop bothering make good money bad looking basically zero friend date 0 year im thinking suicide lot obviously tell therapist get emergency petitioned im really sure anxiety depression seems keep getting worse barely get eat day let alone exercise try talk someone -"I've had anxiety as long as I can remember, and its not like it ruins my life but I feel I could be doing much better socially and academically if I took a pill that just got rid of it. Im a college athlete who works out, eats right, and is in great shape so I truly believe I just have a chemical imbalance that causes my anxiety to act up especially in low action situation (such as a classroom), this is also spot on with my ADHD diagnosis but those meds don't help my anxiety. All I hear is that when you get on those pills you gotta stop drinking and shit. I smoke weed everyday drink HEAVILY every weekend and do coke mushrooms acid pretty seldomly. Anyone got advice for anti anxiety meds that aren't going to ruin my brain if I want to drink or do my recreational drugs still. Im even willing to quit the drugs and slow down on my booze and weed i just dont want to quit for good.",1,anxiety long remember like ruin life feel could much better socially academically took pill got rid im college athlete work eats right great shape truly believe chemical imbalance cause anxiety act especially low action situation classroom also spot adhd diagnosis med help anxiety hear get pill got ta stop drinking shit smoke weed everyday drink heavily every weekend coke mushroom acid pretty seldomly anyone got advice anti anxiety med going ruin brain want drink recreational drug still im even willing quit drug slow booze weed dont want quit good -"I did the prep work. I looked up anticipated questions and wrote out my answers. I looked into the company, read their posting over and over and…as soon as the phone rings my heart starts pounding and I can’t think straight. - -I hate this. All of my prep, my confidence, my preparedness…gone as soon as I open my mouth. I blabber and worse, I start apologizing….like I’m confessing my sins to a priest. “Sorry, I have anxiety.” Nail in coffin. - -I try using pauses instead of saying “um…ah….uhhhh” and the pauses turn into silence. And I’m trying to control my breathing from sounding too loud, too erratic, too panicked. I’ve lost control of my heart rate, I’m gripping my pen just to have something to hold onto. - -And in 15 measly minutes it’s over.",1,prep work looked anticipated question wrote answer looked company read posting soon phone ring heart start pounding think straight hate prep confidence preparedness gone soon open mouth blabber worse start apologizing like confessing sin priest sorry anxiety nail coffin try using pause instead saying um ah uhhhh pause turn silence trying control breathing sounding loud erratic panicked lost control heart rate gripping pen something hold onto measly minute -"This bugs me so much and makes me want to cry. Whenever I’m with others, or even just chatting to strangers, I’m chatty, relaxed and pretty confident. No one would ever think that I was someone that has social anxiety. I’m totally fine at parties/social gatherings etc. However I get socially anxious as fuck when getting public transport on my own, or simply being anywhere new and scary on my own, walking through a busy city, as people around me look at me. Why am I like this?",1,bug much make want cry whenever others even chatting stranger chatty relaxed pretty confident one would ever think someone social anxiety totally fine party social gathering etc however get socially anxious fuck getting public transport simply anywhere new scary walking busy city people around look like -"So I'm 21F and am currently living, working and studying in a different country than the one I was born and raised in. My cousin 18M studies in our home country but very far away from home and can only visit his parents during the breaks. -My relationship with my parents was very much strained for a couple of years due to unsolved childhood trauma and throwing blame at them for things that were a result of their childhood trauma, but after therapy our relationship improved and even though we have our fights as every family has we are very close and talk every evening and even eat together through videocall. -My cousins relationship with his parents is very much strained, his parents got married very late and had fertility issues so only managed to have him well into their forties, due to this they really didn't have the patience to deal with their child and my cousin spent most of his childhood with our grandma because his parents wanted to have fun and not deal with a child having tantrums. Moreover, they were very abusive, they used to make him eat adult sized portions of food every meal and not let him leave the table until he finished his food. And even though everyone in the family knew this was abusive no one ever decided to do something about it. Luckily he has a very fast metabolism and so far hasn't experienced any health issues due to this abuse. -Last September he started university and apparently stopped picking up calls from his parents and stopped answering texts to the point that my uncle had to threaten him with cutting him off financially if he didn't start picking up the phone and texting. -This weekend my dad's side of the family had dinner and lunch on Saturday and Sunday and the topic of me and my cousin came up and my uncle and aunt out of jealousy called my relationship with my parents toxic and unhealthy because we speak to much and went on to say I don't have a life or friends hence why I always talk to them. Now I have friends both living with me and at work, but my friends go out clubbing everyday and since that really isn't my scene I hang with them during the day and they go out at night. -Also, I didn't have a relationship with my parents for years, I was so depressed and hurt that I bearly spoke to them even though we were living in the same house, now that we have worked through our issues I am enjoying my relationship with them seeing as it won't last forever. -I dont think our relationship is toxic or unhealthy but this has triggered my anxiety and made me have intrusive thoughts and honestly I just need a little reassurance. Do you think my relationship with my parents is toxic and unhealthy, or are my family members just being assholes?",1,f currently living working studying different country one born raised cousin study home country far away home visit parent break relationship parent much strained couple year due unsolved childhood trauma throwing blame thing result childhood trauma therapy relationship improved even though fight every family close talk every evening even eat together videocall cousin relationship parent much strained parent got married late fertility issue managed well forty due really patience deal child cousin spent childhood grandma parent wanted fun deal child tantrum moreover abusive used make eat adult sized portion food every meal let leave table finished food even though everyone family knew abusive one ever decided something luckily fast metabolism far experienced health issue due abuse last september started university apparently stopped picking call parent stopped answering text point uncle threaten cutting financially start picking phone texting weekend dad side family dinner lunch saturday sunday topic cousin came uncle aunt jealousy called relationship parent toxic unhealthy speak much went say life friend hence always talk friend living work friend go clubbing everyday since really scene hang day go night also relationship parent year depressed hurt bearly spoke even though living house worked issue enjoying relationship seeing last forever dont think relationship toxic unhealthy triggered anxiety made intrusive thought honestly need little reassurance think relationship parent toxic unhealthy family member asshole -"I'm currently taking 150mg Effexor XR for anxiety and depression. I've also taken Lexapro 20mg for 6 years and Zoloft 100mg for a year. Both had similar effects, barely put a dent in my anxiety and really helped with the severe symptoms of depression but it's still there. - -My anxiety is still bad, particularly my physical symptoms. I always feel on edge and nervous, I can always feel my heart pounding(hard not fast) regardless of my mental state and it's the most debilitating symptom. I feel I can never relax and never truly enjoy myself because of how anxious I feel. I take propranolol 40mg twice a day and is the only thing that helps a little with the physical symptoms but they're still problematic. - -I have tried meditation, breathing exercises, exercise, I have read a multitude of books on cognitive behavioral therapy, acceptance and commitment therapy and mindfulness. No exercises in the books has helped with the symptoms whatsoever. - -I should also mention I have had tests for my thyroid, adrenals, any GI or diet issues, antibodies etc and I'm sure I can rule out physical causes. - -Is anyone else in a similar boat to me and found buspirone helped ? If no has anything helped you? Thanks !",1,currently taking 0mg effexor xr anxiety depression also taken lexapro 0mg year zoloft 00mg year similar effect barely put dent anxiety really helped severe symptom depression still anxiety still bad particularly physical symptom always feel edge nervous always feel heart pounding hard fast regardless mental state debilitating symptom feel never relax never truly enjoy anxious feel take propranolol 0mg twice day thing help little physical symptom still problematic tried meditation breathing exercise exercise read multitude book cognitive behavioral therapy acceptance commitment therapy mindfulness exercise book helped symptom whatsoever also mention test thyroid adrenal gi diet issue antibody etc sure rule physical cause anyone else similar boat found buspirone helped anything helped thanks -"I’ve been feeling a lot and going through a lot for the past few weeks. I can’t talk to anyone. I’m emotionally and mentally drained. I’m not even diagnosed with anything but I feel like I’m having anxieties and just want to be done with everything. - -I sometimes feel like I just want to jump off our building or drown myself in the pool so that I wouldn’t feel anything. I’m really scared. I know what happened to me was careless and full of stupidity. I guess this is my karma. - -Just letting out a little bit. I don’t know who else to talk to. I feel like I’m dying inside. I’m afraid to go to the beach with my friends because I might do something really stupid. - -I’ve been crying and crying every night so that I could hide all my feelings but it’s really killing me. - -I want to get out of this situation but I can’t escape. I know I have to help myself but I can’t do it. There’s no one else to blame but me. - -I’m so sorry for this. I just have no one to talk to. - -I don’t want to be a burden to the people around me..",1,feeling lot going lot past week talk anyone emotionally mentally drained even diagnosed anything feel like anxiety want done everything sometimes feel like want jump building drown pool feel anything really scared know happened careless full stupidity guess karma letting little bit know else talk feel like dying inside afraid go beach friend might something really stupid cry cry every night could hide feeling really killing want get situation escape know help one else blame sorry one talk want burden people around -"27 year old male year here. I’ve always had a confusing relationship with myself and anxiety. When I was a young child I was very outgoing, then hit about 12 and was bullied because of my sensitivities and openness, developed really bad anxiety as a result. Got to 18 years old and found it impossible to talk to girls and was completely sick of my shyness. So I decided overnight that I was going to showcase my ‘confident’ side at all times, faking it till I made it. This was a blessing and a curse because a lot of my confidence wasn’t necessarily real. I was inspired by people like Russell Brand and Keith Moon, and I kind of acted like them all the time. - -Now thank God, I’ve reached a much calmer equilibrium - most people would consider me as a very confident, outgoing person, but I feel much more myself. I’m way calmer, chatty and forward with people one on one, but I’m still plagued with anxiety in other areas. I have no real issue in social occasions, I’m the frontman in a band and we’re about to go on tour, playing to thousands of people and I literally have no nerves whatsoever. - -If only this translated to everyday life. - -Firstly, I’m terrified of getting a new scary job (working in a pub/bar) Something with people who have the potential to be snooty and mean if I don’t know what I’m doing. Instead, I live at home with my parents in a sheltered existence, I work a really simple easy job at home, because I’m too scared of a job where I have to do something new for the first time (working in a bar absolutely terrifies me, but deep down I wish I had the bravery to just do it and not give a crap if I fuck up) Whenever I’ve tried new jobs in the past I get so frustrated with myself when I’m not my cool, calm, confident self in these new situations. Why the fuck do I take so long to get relaxed with these things, and how do I get the bravery in the first place. I’m just so scared that people might perceive me as being shy… I guess I value my self worth on my levels of confidence in that current moment. - -My second massive issue is when I’m on my own in public, perhaps public transport for example, I’m just fizzing with anxiety constantly, it’s horrific. In public I feel extremely self conscious, I know that no one gives a shit about me or cares about me, but I literally feel like people are judging me constantly (even though I know this isn’t true) Something as simple as cycling on a road is a fucking impossibility, I’m just so scared that people will think I don’t know what I’m doing. I just hate that physical feeling of anxiety of people watching me and judging me. Literally sitting here with a massive stress headache because of being in public the last couple of hours. - -I then overthink about this for hours and hours, because I just don’t understand how I can be this way? Feel like I’m having a personality crisis. Therapy hasn’t helped, medication didn’t. Should I just stfu and get on with it (in essence exposure therapy). How can I not care when loads of people are watching me on stage, but literally feel like I’m dying when people look at me in public. - -Why is there this maddening split personality in me? I don’t think my confidence is an act, because when I’m confident and relaxed, I would consider that to be my most normal, authentic self. I’m not naturally a quiet person, just desperately insecure and sensitive.",1,year old male year always confusing relationship anxiety young child outgoing hit bullied sensitivity openness developed really bad anxiety result got year old found impossible talk girl completely sick shyness decided overnight going showcase confident side time faking till made blessing curse lot confidence necessarily real inspired people like russell brand keith moon kind acted like time thank god reached much calmer equilibrium people would consider confident outgoing person feel much way calmer chatty forward people one one still plagued anxiety area real issue social occasion frontman band go tour playing thousand people literally nerve whatsoever translated everyday life firstly terrified getting new scary job working pub bar something people potential snooty mean know instead live home parent sheltered existence work really simple easy job home scared job something new first time working bar absolutely terrifies deep wish bravery give crap fuck whenever tried new job past get frustrated cool calm confident self new situation fuck take long get relaxed thing get bravery first place scared people might perceive shy guess value self worth level confidence current moment second massive issue public perhaps public transport example fizzing anxiety constantly horrific public feel extremely self conscious know one give shit care literally feel like people judging constantly even though know true something simple cycling road fucking impossibility scared people think know hate physical feeling anxiety people watching judging literally sitting massive stress headache public last couple hour overthink hour hour understand way feel like personality crisis therapy helped medication stfu get essence exposure therapy care load people watching stage literally feel like dying people look public maddening split personality think confidence act confident relaxed would consider normal authentic self naturally quiet person desperately insecure sensitive -I have a serious question. Are anxitey meds worth it? I have paralysing anxitey sometimes I'll get better then I'll get worse it's pretty rough. The people I've asked half say it's not worth it it can make you worse and others say they are good. I'm so confuseeeeed!!,1,serious question anxitey med worth paralysing anxitey sometimes get better get worse pretty rough people asked half say worth make worse others say good confuseeeeed -"I’ve been experiencing such a exacerbation of my anxiety symptoms that I think it’s time to get evaluated for medication. - -Does anyone have any recommendations for providers in the NYC area? Or in NY state in general- since telehealth is a thing and nyc is INSANELY expensive. (600 for a consultation is steep).",1,experiencing exacerbation anxiety symptom think time get evaluated medication anyone recommendation provider nyc area ny state general since telehealth thing nyc insanely expensive 00 consultation steep -"I've been feeling rather dissociated lately, like I'm a spectator in my body. I'm not sure how long I've been feeling like this, but it felt especially bad on one particular day, like i wouldn't have been surprised if i woke up and it was all a dream. That same day, I began experiencing what i can only describe as very brief panic attacks. - -I'm never actually worried about anything in particular. I'll be sitting in class or something and suddenly a ""fuzzy"" feeling will wash over my body, and my heart rate will spike. I always expect that something will happen, like I'll lose the ability to move parts of my body, or maybe I'll go numb, or things will start swelling up, or that I'll just pass out right there. But nothing else happens, and the feeling subsides after a bit, leaving me in the same disassociated state as before after the panic dies down. - -Initially, I thought this could only happen while I was sitting down (i usually feel better after walking around and getting some fresh air), but i just experienced this feeling while walking and my legs felt numb. They worked fine, i didn't stumble or anything. But it was like I was just commanding my body to walk instead of voluntarily moving my muscles to cause it, if that makes any sense. - -The day this started happening was the same day that another big event happened, one that I'm not going to mention because my post gets removed. I'm wondering if the initial wave of anxiety over the possibility of future events has awakened some kind of generalized anxiety in me. I've also started developing health anxiety regarding food at the same time this started happening. I fear that ill have spontaneously developed an allergy to whatever I'm eating, even though i have no history of this. Wondering if anybody has had similar experiences and can help me understand what's going on.",1,feeling rather dissociated lately like spectator body sure long feeling like felt especially bad one particular day like surprised woke dream day began experiencing describe brief panic attack never actually worried anything particular sitting class something suddenly fuzzy feeling wash body heart rate spike always expect something happen like lose ability move part body maybe go numb thing start swelling pas right nothing else happens feeling subsides bit leaving disassociated state panic dy initially thought could happen sitting usually feel better walking around getting fresh air experienced feeling walking leg felt numb worked fine stumble anything like commanding body walk instead voluntarily moving muscle cause make sense day started happening day another big event happened one going mention post get removed wondering initial wave anxiety possibility future event awakened kind generalized anxiety also started developing health anxiety regarding food time started happening fear ill spontaneously developed allergy whatever eating even though history wondering anybody similar experience help understand going -"My anxiety has been taking over my life recently and I am having trouble controlling it. It seems like I am always assuming the worst possible outcome for everything. I somehow convince myself that the the worst will happen and that I need to prepare for it. I am not sure where this way of thinking came about as my parents and my brother are super laid back and relaxed. - -Even during my college years I would panic about exams. I would study all weekend, skip going out, worry constantly for tests. I would run through scenarios in my head about failing, not getting employed, dropping out, etc. I would calculate the minimum grade needed to pass the course and convince myself that even though I studied 80+ hours getting a 15% is still likely and possible. - -If my brother does not pickup the phone late at night i worry that he crashed somewhere/is not safe. Every night before bed I have to check my car app to make sure its locked even though I know I locked it and if i dont check I assume it is unlocked and will be stolen. I worry about my health even though I am healthy. It’s getting to a place now where when someone tells me something that goes against my worry(random example you do not have a cavity), I assume that he probably missed it and that I do have one. Its like I always have a sense of fear for everything. - -Now I am working full time. Its effecting me with my work life even worse. To make things short I sell capital equipment. Because of the supply chain issues many of current orders have been delayed. I run through every scenario possible that my customers will sue me for loss of profit and not delivering on time even though it is out of my control. I worry that I will fulfill the order late and my customers will not pay me(net30 are the normal terms in my industry) i worry that my equipment will not work properly. I worry that i am doing something wrong with running my business. I also randomly started worrying about my equipment hurting someone and being sued for it and liable for everything. It seems like I always have something to worry about. When the stress from one thing passes, something else comes up and it constantly cycles. These are just some examples. I seem to always go to the extreme with everything. Even though no issues have come from everything mentioned above I still worry about. I have absolutely no idea how to control it. I get random thoughts before bed while I am half asleep about something and it immediately wakes me up and I start to panic. I get super irritable when I am in an anxious state and my parents think I am just being dramatic and tell me to “settle down” when I can’t. I feel helpless. It almost feels like the littlest things can absolutely destroy my mood. I have no energy to workout, constantly tired, no motivation to eat until super late at night. I cant meditate and shut off my brain. It’s impossible. - -Does anyone have any insight on how I can improve myself? I am struggling finding anyone in my life that can support me. I never really assumed I had any sort of GAD until this past year when I started doing more research around the topic. I assumed everything that I was experiencing was just a normal part of life until it became too much to the point where its controlling my day to day life.",1,anxiety taking life recently trouble controlling seems like always assuming worst possible outcome everything somehow convince worst happen need prepare sure way thinking came parent brother super laid back relaxed even college year would panic exam would study weekend skip going worry constantly test would run scenario head failing getting employed dropping etc would calculate minimum grade needed pas course convince even though studied 0 hour getting still likely possible brother pickup phone late night worry crashed somewhere safe every night bed check car app make sure locked even though know locked dont check assume unlocked stolen worry health even though healthy getting place someone tell something go worry random example cavity assume probably missed one like always sense fear everything working full time effecting work life even worse make thing short sell capital equipment supply chain issue many current order delayed run every scenario possible customer sue loss profit delivering time even though control worry fulfill order late customer pay net 0 normal term industry worry equipment work properly worry something wrong running business also randomly started worrying equipment hurting someone sued liable everything seems like always something worry stress one thing pass something else come constantly cycle example seem always go extreme everything even though issue come everything mentioned still worry absolutely idea control get random thought bed half asleep something immediately wake start panic get super irritable anxious state parent think dramatic tell settle feel helpless almost feel like littlest thing absolutely destroy mood energy workout constantly tired motivation eat super late night cant meditate shut brain impossible anyone insight improve struggling finding anyone life support never really assumed sort gad past year started research around topic assumed everything experiencing normal part life became much point controlling day day life -hi! so this morning has been really rough and i’m experiencing worse than usual muscle spasms as a result of my anxiety. how can i stop this? it’s on the entire left side of my body and it’s making my anxiety worse. i’m a bit scared i’ll need to go to a hospital and i don’t want to! my entire left side of my body is tingling too. i’m just really anxious. is there any way i can calm down or stop this?,1,hi morning really rough experiencing worse usual muscle spasm result anxiety stop entire left side body making anxiety worse bit scared need go hospital want entire left side body tingling really anxious way calm stop -Today was the first time I’ve gotten feedback from an interview and they want to give me a second chance. I’m really thankful for that but I feel like my anxiety is holding me back even though I know I’m fully capable of preforming a job (I just get nervous in interviews because I don’t know if I’m wasting my time). Googling how to fake confidence because I know I shake my hands a lot and who wants to hire someone who is anxious for a job that requires social skills… probably no one… I’ve gotten better at socializing but I’m clearly lacking in the social awareness department.,1,today first time gotten feedback interview want give second chance really thankful feel like anxiety holding back even though know fully capable preforming job get nervous interview know wasting time googling fake confidence know shake hand lot want hire someone anxious job requires social skill probably one gotten better socializing clearly lacking social awareness department -"So I have a stutter and I’ve always been insecure about it. I was with my best friend and his friend and his friend made fun of someone’s stutter because he’s not aware I stutter. This made me realize how easy it is to make fun of people behind their back. I felt really bad that night and started crying when I got home cause it made me realize I didn’t know who was being real with me and I felt as tho I was devalued - -Flash to today and it was still bugging me but I realized something. Those people aren’t exclusively making fun of people like me, but making fun of a lot more than a stutter. People are made fun of for stutters, tics, religion, sexuality, lisps, appearance, and more. I realized it’s not my problem to worry about them and most people that make fun of others will show themselves with time and real nice people will never do that. This made me content and I was happy, I forgot about it for the most part and went about my business - -But I posted something to reddit about it and someone said they had a similar experience and it lead to going into psychosis and being paranoid about people talking badly about them. This made me almost have a panic attack when I was eating with my parents because going psychotic is one of my biggest fears. Ever since then I’ve felt so anxious. It took a good 30-60 minutes to calm myself down and not be on the edge of a panic attack. Ever since then I can’t shake this thought but now for a different reason. Instead of worrying who’s judging me. I’m worrying if I believe it. I’ve had this fear before but when it’s bad it gets so bad it feels like I’m already psychotic (even tho I’m not) and today was one of those days. It feels like the thought you believe if fact and I have terrible depersonalization. This has happened 4-6 times before this and normally after a good sleep my anxiety tones down a bit - -But since this is a little different and it started out without that anxiety, does that mean I am going crazy? Instead of thinking anyone is judging me I keep asking myself if I think these specific people at my work would judge me, idk why, once again that was cause OCD started to obsess on it now. But since I had this thought before OCD does it mean I’m going crazy? Or am I sane since I’m worrying so much about it?",1,stutter always insecure best friend friend friend made fun someone stutter aware stutter made realize easy make fun people behind back felt really bad night started cry got home cause made realize know real felt tho devalued flash today still bugging realized something people exclusively making fun people like making fun lot stutter people made fun stutter tic religion sexuality lisp appearance realized problem worry people make fun others show time real nice people never made content happy forgot part went business posted something reddit someone said similar experience lead going psychosis paranoid people talking badly made almost panic attack eating parent going psychotic one biggest fear ever since felt anxious took good 0 0 minute calm edge panic attack ever since shake thought different reason instead worrying judging worrying believe fear bad get bad feel like already psychotic even tho today one day feel like thought believe fact terrible depersonalization happened time normally good sleep anxiety tone bit since little different started without anxiety mean going crazy instead thinking anyone judging keep asking think specific people work would judge idk cause ocd started ob since thought ocd mean going crazy sane since worrying much -"Existential crisis and angst has become a 3-4 month period drama for me. every few months I will come across or think of a existential or scary thought; where I’ll go down a large rabbit hole and in the end become a nervous and terrified wreck. I’ve been through a existential crisis on mind philosophy, sexuality identity, apocalypse anxiety, biology philosophy, space anxiety and now it looks like the next one will be quantum-fucking-physics based if I don’t stop it in time. I’m just so sick of this cycle of fucking misery throughout my life, I can’t find any happiness or calmness because 2/3 of my year is spent being terrified and super anxious, sometimes I feel like lying down and crying but this depression has made me so numb I can’t cry anymore. I just can’t fucking take this anymore.",1,existential crisis angst become month period drama every month come across think existential scary thought go large rabbit hole end become nervous terrified wreck existential crisis mind philosophy sexuality identity apocalypse anxiety biology philosophy space anxiety look like next one quantum fucking physic based stop time sick cycle fucking misery throughout life find happiness calmness year spent terrified super anxious sometimes feel like lying cry depression made numb cry anymore fucking take anymore -"Curious to see what people think. Here’s my question… can dissociation also be described as separating yourself from things/events happening in your life? - -For example: if something happens that overwhelms me or makes me really anxious, a lot of times I simply forget it. I’ll be going along with my day as normal, but feel that something is off… so I’ll have to sit for a moment and think ‘why do I feel sad/anxious/etc.?’ And after a minute of thinking back, it clicks ‘oh right, I have to give a presentation on Thursday.’ - -Is this a form of dissociation? It has always happened to me and if I describe it to someone they usually don’t understand it (i.e. “if I’m anxious, I can’t stop thinking about whatever it’s about, let alone forget it!”) - -I told my therapist about it one session and she thought it was fascinating. She said that anxiety is stored in the body too, so that’s why I can feel the “negative feeling” even if I forget why it’s there. - -Just curious. I’m not seeing that therapist anymore or else I’d ask her.",1,curious see people think question dissociation also described separating thing event happening life example something happens overwhelms make really anxious lot time simply forget going along day normal feel something sit moment think feel sad anxious etc minute thinking back click oh right give presentation thursday form dissociation always happened describe someone usually understand e anxious stop thinking whatever let alone forget told therapist one session thought fascinating said anxiety stored body feel negative feeling even forget curious seeing therapist anymore else ask -Quick question? Is anyone taking Buspirone and did you need to go up on your dosage. I’ve been taking 10mg twice daily. But it feels like it’s not working as well as it was say a week ago. I’ve been on it for 3 weeks. I would really appreciate your feedback 🙏🏾🙏🏾 thank you all.,1,quick question anyone taking buspirone need go dosage taking 0mg twice daily feel like working well say week ago week would really appreciate feedback thank -"all i ever do is fucking annoy people lmao, they’re all going to leave me.",1,ever fucking annoy people lmao going leave -"So basically for as long as I can remember I have been terrible in public situations, when I have to present i shake and go red but the most difficult thing thats happens is that my throat feels like its closing up and I cannot get any words out even if i keep trying. This lately has progressed into seemingly random situations, I think it's because im more aware of it. I could be talking to some of my friends in a group and suddenly start to choke and can't speak. It's made all the more confusing as when i take beta blockers I can speak fine in any situation so i guess this must mean its a mental block. If anyone has ever experienced this or could even point me in the right direction for stuff to read that would be great. I have tried googling this issue but can't find anyone similar to me. I'm not sure if practicing talking to people works in this situation as i literally cant get the words out of my mouth when it happens. - -Thanks",1,basically long remember terrible public situation present shake go red difficult thing thats happens throat feel like closing get word even keep trying lately progressed seemingly random situation think im aware could talking friend group suddenly start choke speak made confusing take beta blocker speak fine situation guess must mean mental block anyone ever experienced could even point right direction stuff read would great tried googling issue find anyone similar sure practicing talking people work situation literally cant get word mouth happens thanks -"I've noticed my anxiety is really bad for me in certain situations. - -Right now I am working a full time job Mon to Sat 50 hrs per week, been kinda hard to deal with the anxiety at work as I spend too much time with other people and I have to face awkward situations due to my role. - -Also I have a severe problem while eating with other coworkers, tried to control that and it worked. Literally did an auto therapy session to control my fatalistic thoughts . - -But recently some things went ""out of control"" in my daily routine like some changes my boss made to the department, there were some changes and problems at work too and also I met a girl I really like but obviously my brain take it as an anxiety with thoughts like (you should do this with her, you should be quicker or do this and kore) This automatically exploded my anxiety to gigh levels on these days. - -Don't wanna suffer the same so what would be your techniques with this? - -TL:DR what are your techniques/copong methods when you start dealing with unexpected things. And how to avoid the fatal case of escaping situations.",1,noticed anxiety really bad certain situation right working full time job mon sat 0 hr per week kinda hard deal anxiety work spend much time people face awkward situation due role also severe problem eating coworkers tried control worked literally auto therapy session control fatalistic thought recently thing went control daily routine like change bos made department change problem work also met girl really like obviously brain take anxiety thought like quicker kore automatically exploded anxiety gigh level day wan na suffer would technique tl dr technique copong method start dealing unexpected thing avoid fatal case escaping situation -"I'm not sure if this belongs here, so if it gets taken down I get it. - -About 5yrs ago I went to visit my friends in Eugene, Oregon for their graduation. A day or two before the ceremony my friends Palmer and Genie (bf and gf), Palmer's parents, and his sister went to the river to go tubing. To this day I wish I told everyone we should go home, but we ended up going in anyway. We tied the tubes together and launched, but within 5mins my tube popped. We were too far from shore and the rapids got us moving. Eventually all the tunes but one or two were destroyed. I used my height to dig my heels into the riverbed and held on to the strings and wrapped them around my arms so everyone could readjust, as well as get the parents on the remaining tubes. When I reased myself from the riverbed I was still in the water merely hanging on to the strings. - -All I could do was tread water and not let go. I could feel the strings tangling around my legs. I did my best to counter the entanglement without letting go or rocking the tubes. I tried touching the bottom of the riverbed again to gain some stability, but it was too deep. That scared me. I'm 6'5, I was on swim and water polo in high school, and I even grew up by the beach, but for some reason I freaked out and started to panic. Palmer's sister reminded me to keep treading and kept me in check. - -With all that happening I was still being slammed into rocks and swallowing water... if I remember correctly I think when the waters were more calm I was able to push the tubes to shore, but my memory is hazy. - -We got on the road, walked back to our launching point, got in the cars and went back to my friend's place. I haven't thought of it much since. That was 2017. I woke up this morning in tears. Every time I close my eyes it's like I'm under water looking up at the rippling surface. - -I've been scared to go in the ocean or any body of running water. - -I understand if this post does not belong here, but thank you for reading.",1,sure belongs get taken get yr ago went visit friend eugene oregon graduation day two ceremony friend palmer genie bf gf palmer parent sister went river go tubing day wish told everyone go home ended going anyway tied tube together launched within min tube popped far shore rapid got u moving eventually tune one two destroyed used height dig heel riverbed held string wrapped around arm everyone could readjust well get parent remaining tube reased riverbed still water merely hanging string could tread water let go could feel string tangling around leg best counter entanglement without letting go rocking tube tried touching bottom riverbed gain stability deep scared swim water polo high school even grew beach reason freaked started panic palmer sister reminded keep treading kept check happening still slammed rock swallowing water remember correctly think water calm able push tube shore memory hazy got road walked back launching point got car went back friend place thought much since 0 woke morning tear every time close eye like water looking rippling surface scared go ocean body running water understand post belong thank reading -"So a few weeks ago, I landed a new job in a multimedia job that installs the run of the mill things (Acoutics, Audio, Video, Lighting, Network, Electrical Engineering, you name it) The interview process was a pretty straightforward and laid back interview and I got the job. My first project was to create a 3d acoustical model of a church based on blueprints. The thing is I never read a arch blueprint in my life and this is the first time so seeing all the different symbols, numbers, and whatnot are scaring the hell out of me.The employees here are willing to train me however looking at all the diagrams and what not, I feel intimidated. I don’t feel cut out for the job, I feel afraid at the lack of things I don’t know. I’m not sure what to do. - -Any help?",1,week ago landed new job multimedia job installs run mill thing acoutics audio video lighting network electrical engineering name interview process pretty straightforward laid back interview got job first project create acoustical model church based blueprint thing never read arch blueprint life first time seeing different symbol number whatnot scaring hell employee willing train however looking diagram feel intimidated feel cut job feel afraid lack thing know sure help -"Throughout the day I’m usually fine. When I’m alone usually at night is when everything gets to me. I’m not diagnosed with anxiety and I don’t want to say I have it (I don’t want to be faking) but I’ve been struggling for a bit now. - -At night my chest feels heavy as if I’m in an airtight room. It’s always the same thoughts. “This can’t be real”. I’ve been having a difficult time comprehending the fact that my close friend is gone. The last time I was able to see him was in 8th grade then quarantine hit. We had a few calls in 2020-2021 and our last one being around 2 hours long. But I just can’t comprehend it. It’s not recent he passed away in 2021 I just can’t believe it’s real.",1,throughout day usually fine alone usually night everything get diagnosed anxiety want say want faking struggling bit night chest feel heavy airtight room always thought real difficult time comprehending fact close friend gone last time able see th grade quarantine hit call 0 0 0 last one around hour long comprehend recent passed away 0 believe real -"I don’t know what happening I really don’t know. I don’t even know if this is the right group to be typing this to but if anyone can help please do. - -I’m your everyday 19yr old who is currently in university. Growing up I’d say I was a very extroverted and out going person but after covid and moving to a whole new area for uni not knowing anyone my whole personality changed or at-least the true me came out which is being introverted and shy and not liking to go outside and everything I do go outside when there’s a lot of people in campus’s or I meet new people or the teacher asks me anything in-front of everybody I overheat and get very itchy and I mean very itchy it’s feels like I’m getting pinched all over my body and it happens all the time when I’m around people. I’ve never had this issue before and I don’t know what it is. It first came around last summer so I said to myself maybe it’s just the heat and I’m also an athlete so I just blamed it on that and now that winter came around the exact same thing happens. Then maybe I though it’s me and I’m dirty so I start having 2-3 showers a day and that did nothing. I really don’t know what to do if anyone knows what this is or why it’s happening please tell Me. It’s really effecting me to the point I don’t want to leave my house.",1,know happening really know even know right group typing anyone help please everyday 9yr old currently university growing say extroverted going person covid moving whole new area uni knowing anyone whole personality changed least true came introverted shy liking go outside everything go outside lot people campus meet new people teacher asks anything front everybody overheat get itchy mean itchy feel like getting pinched body happens time around people never issue know first came around last summer said maybe heat also athlete blamed winter came around exact thing happens maybe though dirty start shower day nothing really know anyone know happening please tell really effecting point want leave house -"I have a choice between two jobs. Neither is ideal and I am having such a hard time deciding that all I do is delay and speak to anyone who will listen. I am terrified of making the wrong choice and the indecision is making me frozen. I don't know what to do. I have spoken to counsellors, family and friends. Everyone is getting really annoyed with me and I am with myself. But all I can do is spin my wheels. I had a traumatic experience with a previous employer and I am just scared to pick the wrong one!",1,choice two job neither ideal hard time deciding delay speak anyone listen terrified making wrong choice indecision making frozen know spoken counsellor family friend everyone getting really annoyed spin wheel traumatic experience previous employer scared pick wrong one -"Hey there...does anyone here have this odd anxiety over commiting a crime and/or lying when you infact don't? -Whenever I get a call or letter I immidiately think I am in trouble and when I run into an issue that even remotely has to do with official matters I am so anxious I might have accidently commit a crime. It goes so far that I start to convince myself I infact have commited crimes when that isnt the case. It might be a tad of imposter syndrome too. - -Example: I worked as a freelance designer for a year. Jumped in when there was a project I found interesting. I did everything correctly etc. After the project was done I realized this sort of freelancing isn't what I wanted to do so I cancelled my status again (i didnt know I cpuld just freeze it) after having had only one client. I again,did everything as law demanded. Soon I wanna to apply for jobs in a different field (Game Art) and going through my documents made the anxiety flare up again. Immidiately thoughts like..""you werent a real freelancer!"" Or ""only one client is shady af"" or in general just obsessions about having commited a crime. I have asked the literal tax office how I would go about cancelling since I figured it wasnt really my thing and if it is possible to start a freelance gig again after I officially cancelled my status (for example as an artist). They told me all I needed to know. I did nothing wrong. But there is this irration fear and voice that keeps trying to convince me i have committed a crime. - -And that is just one example. -Sometimes I feel I stole my art. I could draw it this exact moment with no bloody ref and my brain would tell me ""stole it"". I feel like I weaseled myself into uni and didnt REALLY pass the tests. - -I dont know how to deal with this shite anymore. Is it this still anxiety or what oa that? Anyone can relate?",1,hey anyone odd anxiety commiting crime lying infact whenever get call letter immidiately think trouble run issue even remotely official matter anxious might accidently commit crime go far start convince infact commited crime isnt case might tad imposter syndrome example worked freelance designer year jumped project found interesting everything correctly etc project done realized sort freelancing wanted cancelled status didnt know cpuld freeze one client everything law demanded soon wan na apply job different field game art going document made anxiety flare immidiately thought like werent real freelancer one client shady af general obsession commited crime asked literal tax office would go cancelling since figured wasnt really thing possible start freelance gig officially cancelled status example artist told needed know nothing wrong irration fear voice keep trying convince committed crime one example sometimes feel stole art could draw exact moment bloody ref brain would tell stole feel like weaseled uni didnt really pas test dont know deal shite anymore still anxiety oa anyone relate -"Moved in with them at the start of october 2021. we seemed to get on really well, have at least some commonalities, and we’d go out together sometimes (1-2 times every 2 weeks or so). I’ve always felt like the outsider of the group as they are all 2nd years going to the same uni and i am on a gap year (we are all the same age tho). It always felt like it was those 3 living together and me living with them (if that makes any sense). Nonetheless, even tho have terrible anxiety and depression, i tried with them. - -They just told me last night that a friend asked them to move in with them and they’ll be moving out in a few months. It’s sucks cause we had said several times in passing we’d be happy to live together whether in this flat or another. I even got into a uni in the same city as them and they knew i was going to study here next year. - -I don’t think they hate me, i just don’t think they like me all that much. It hurts cause idk what i’m going to do for accommodation next year. Uni halls terrify me but would be good to meet people. - -i just had to get this off my chest. i have no idea how to act with them. If they start convo with me it just feels like they’re forcing it. Idk, i feel unloved and unhated. Just a banal liking.",1,moved start october 0 seemed get really well least commonality go together sometimes time every week always felt like outsider group nd year going uni gap year age tho always felt like living together living make sense nonetheless even tho terrible anxiety depression tried told last night friend asked move moving month suck cause said several time passing happy live together whether flat another even got uni city knew going study next year think hate think like much hurt cause idk going accommodation next year uni hall terrify would good meet people get chest idea act start convo feel like forcing idk feel unloved unhated banal liking -" Hi all, I am currently studying to be a licensed therapist. I am attempting to branch out and offer my services as a ""life coach"" for the time being. If anyone is interested in speaking to me, please message me, so I can help you. It really helps to have someone to talk to. Thank you.",1,hi currently studying licensed therapist attempting branch offer service life coach time anyone interested speaking please message help really help someone talk thank -"For example this happened the other day while driving to class. The week before (first week of the course) sometimes I was pretty nervous, agitated and generally anxious during the drive, resulting in a weird feeling that I usually feel in this circumstances (it's hard to put it to words, like an ""uneasy/rushy/in real-time"" sense of reality). - -This time I didn't feel any of that, I was actually close to being symptomless. The problem is that when I started noticing this too much my brain started to ""scan"" and check for that feeling that I described before. Even tho I didn't eventually feel it again, it did ruin the moment and it impacted a bit on the symptoms anyway. - -So, how can I just let go generally speaking?",1,example happened day driving class week first week course sometimes pretty nervous agitated generally anxious drive resulting weird feeling usually feel circumstance hard put word like uneasy rushy real time sense reality time feel actually close symptomless problem started noticing much brain started scan check feeling described even tho eventually feel ruin moment impacted bit symptom anyway let go generally speaking -For whom with health anxiety (over a diagnosed health issue) has therapy helped?,1,health anxiety diagnosed health issue therapy helped -" So....recently I was told I will need a mildly invasive procedure. I've had some symptoms that are common with many diagnosis'. Cancer being one of them. So now with my anxiety I'm terrified and ruminate on the outcome. - Now out of nowhere I have this breathing issue where I feel like some of my breaths are not full or deep enough. It went from periodically to frequent. Went to the urgent care and xray looks fine. The practitioner there said it's most likely anxiety. - I've had periods of anxiety throughout my life. But I've never experienced this. Am I alone here?",1,recently told need mildly invasive procedure symptom common many diagnosis cancer one anxiety terrified ruminate outcome nowhere breathing issue feel like breath full deep enough went periodically frequent went urgent care xray look fine practitioner said likely anxiety period anxiety throughout life never experienced alone -"Ok so this neusea thing has slowly started to ruin my life, i have just recently realised it might be anxiety. - -It started when i was about 11, every time when i went to a sleepover, close to the bedtime i started feeling sick. (Cant remember more since it was so long timeago) - -It still continues today, 11years later. - -I cannot stay the night at anyone elses place or have anyone stay over at mine. -When the night falls, and we are supposed to be relaxing, i start shaking, dont want to be touched or spoken to, i feel like i could throw up anytime. I feel my muscles tensing up. When i notice it, i breathe out and i feel relaxed for few seconds until i remember the other persons presense and i start shaking again. Playing videogames or going outside helps a bit. - -Now i have a boyfriend and he would really wanna spend the night together but i just cant do it. We tried, i started feeling really sick and then he left and now i feel bad everytime i see him. - -Sometimes when ive been alone, i wake up middle of the night feeling sick, shaking. Everytime i try to continue sleeping, i see flashes of food and sometimes if my house smells like food a bit, it gets overwhelming. -I go to sit to my toilet for 2 hours, barely staying awake. Sipping water. Sometimes i throw up and it helps, sometimes i just end up ""sleeping"" while sitting. - -It is terrible and i hate this so so much.... i dont wanna break up with my boyfriend because of this but he is gonna lose his patience soon. - -Ps. I think i have emetofobia aswell? - - -Edit; ive been officially diagnosed with depression & anxiety. And ive never told these symptoms to my old psychologists (i thought it was dumb)",1,ok neusea thing slowly started ruin life recently realised might anxiety started every time went sleepover close bedtime started feeling sick cant remember since long timeago still continues today year later stay night anyone el place anyone stay mine night fall supposed relaxing start shaking dont want touched spoken feel like could throw anytime feel muscle tensing notice breathe feel relaxed second remember person presense start shaking playing videogames going outside help bit boyfriend would really wan na spend night together cant tried started feeling really sick left feel bad everytime see sometimes ive alone wake middle night feeling sick shaking everytime try continue sleeping see flash food sometimes house smell like food bit get overwhelming go sit toilet hour barely staying awake sipping water sometimes throw help sometimes end sleeping sitting terrible hate much dont wan na break boyfriend gon na lose patience soon p think emetofobia aswell edit ive officially diagnosed depression amp anxiety ive never told symptom old psychologist thought dumb -"How do you deal with a relapse in your anxiety or stop it before it really takes control? Been doing very well with my anxiety for the past 6 months or so, still currently taking 37.5mg Zoloft but recently have been having some stressful family drama pop up in my life. For the past 3 days I’ve been very on edge, anxious and no appetite. The stressful event sort of got resolved yesterday morning so you would think I would be feeling okay now but I’m still having trouble shaking this anxiousness.. any tips?",1,deal relapse anxiety stop really take control well anxiety past month still currently taking mg zoloft recently stressful family drama pop life past day edge anxious appetite stressful event sort got resolved yesterday morning would think would feeling okay still trouble shaking anxiousness tip -"I am on Week 3 on Prozac and experiencing no real change. I took Prozac before when my anxiety was nowhere near as bad, and so I don’t really remember how long it took to make me feel better. I just want to feel better.",1,week prozac experiencing real change took prozac anxiety nowhere near bad really remember long took make feel better want feel better -"Cause that’s how I feel 🙋🏼‍♀️. I see people who work, study, are fit and eat well, do extracurricular activities, catch up with friends and family all the time, all while making it look effortless? Where as I’m sitting there working part time, studying part time and am barely, and I mean barely, holding it together. I just cannot handle more than one thing at once! Even one thing at once is a lot (e.g if I was to just be working). Than others look at you like you’re crazy when you say how overwhelmed you feel with your workload but I just can’t help it, it’s who I am 😔. I feel like I have no one in my life who I can relate to on this level. They just seem to suck it up and get on with it!",1,cause feel see people work study fit eat well extracurricular activity catch friend family time making look effortless sitting working part time studying part time barely mean barely holding together handle one thing even one thing lot e g working others look like crazy say overwhelmed feel workload help feel like one life relate level seem suck get -"Posting because this medication has had an incredible impact for me in a very short time, and I think that's worth sharing in case it can help anyone else who suffers from anxiety. - -I was prescribed propranolol (80mg XR, 1 per day) a little over one week ago, primarily for enhanced physiologic tremor. My doctor did also suspect that it would help with some physical symptoms of anxiety that I have, including: elevated HR, general muscle tension, flushing, shortness of breath. - -My anxiety had become so bad over the last \~6 years that I have essentially become unable to rock climb (which was previously my favorite activity and stress reliever) due to extreme fear (shaking, freezing up) and compulsive checking of equipment. - -Well, I don't want to get too excited in case things change as my body acclimates to the drug, but so far it really feels like this medication has changed my life. I honestly am starting to feel like myself again in so many ways. The tension in my shoulders and muscles that has just become standard for me in the day-to-day has been released. My tremor is significantly reduced. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my body. I have rock climbed a couple of times since I started the medication and the excessive fear response is all but eliminated -- no more shaking, no more locking up, it's pretty amazing. I can't even begin to express how huge of a deal this is. - -I was NOT expecting this at all. I had no idea that this med would have such a significant impact on my anxiety. I expected a reduced tremor and HR, but nothing more. - -I know that this med has no impact on the actual mental processes, but my symptoms of anxiety have always been primarily physical. It seems as though reducing the tension and heart rate and shaking has allowed everything else to relax as well. - -I am sure not everyone will have the same experience, and who knows - it could change for me with time. But for the time being, this med has been a game changer for me. So far I have had no negative side effects - not even low BP, which I have always had issues with. My regular BP is often \~95/\~60 and this med doesn't appear to have changed that in any way, despite reducing my HR.",1,posting medication incredible impact short time think worth sharing case help anyone else suffers anxiety prescribed propranolol 0mg xr per day little one week ago primarily enhanced physiologic tremor doctor also suspect would help physical symptom anxiety including elevated hr general muscle tension flushing shortness breath anxiety become bad last year essentially become unable rock climb previously favorite activity stress reliever due extreme fear shaking freezing compulsive checking equipment well want get excited case thing change body acclimates drug far really feel like medication changed life honestly starting feel like many way tension shoulder muscle become standard day day released tremor significantly reduced feel like weight lifted body rock climbed couple time since started medication excessive fear response eliminated shaking locking pretty amazing even begin express huge deal expecting idea med would significant impact anxiety expected reduced tremor hr nothing know med impact actual mental process symptom anxiety always primarily physical seems though reducing tension heart rate shaking allowed everything else relax well sure everyone experience know could change time time med game changer far negative side effect even low bp always issue regular bp often 9 0 med appear changed way despite reducing hr -"December of 2021, I was hurting pretty bad. Anxiety through the roof, anger issues, depression.... then more anxiety. Here, 3 months later, I'm not at all the same person. I'm not getting the panic waves going to a store or meeting new people. I'm not fearful of conversation (as much lol) and I've even been planning a trip or two with the family. - -Since Jan 1st I've lost 25 pounds in a healthy way (220lbs to 195). I've changed my diet, been excersizing, been talking to other people who are trying to lose weight/get healthier. It's changed everything. I'm fitting into jeans I put in storage 5 years ago, I have work shirts that i've literally never fit in, that are my favorite to wear now. I'm due for a check up with my doc, and I'm going to talk about reducing my anti-anxiety meds, and my blood pressure meds... and that feels amazing. - -And sure, I've had a set back or two. Some days I eat better than others, but that's OK. Ive had cake, kolaches, and Starbucks at times. I didnt have to cut out all the food i craved, just control my portions (which happens a little at a time) and make some substitutions that I can't even tell anymore. - - I know this shoe won't fit everyone's foot, but making these changes has changed everything for me. Get out, get healthier, be more active, be engaged... most importantly trying is more than enough. Just being able to look back to when I wasn't even trying and I thought that was just how life was going to be is a huge mood booster. Maybe it'd work for you too. - -PS. I am in a paid program I signed up for. I don't want to solicit anything, so I'm not sharing the info of that program in this post. Also in some therapy, but personally the weight loss has made more of a difference to me.",1,december 0 hurting pretty bad anxiety roof anger issue depression anxiety month later person getting panic wave going store meeting new people fearful conversation much lol even planning trip two family since jan st lost pound healthy way 0lbs 9 changed diet excersizing talking people trying lose weight get healthier changed everything fitting jean put storage year ago work shirt literally never fit favorite wear due check doc going talk reducing anti anxiety med blood pressure med feel amazing sure set back two day eat better others ok ive cake kolaches starbucks time didnt cut food craved control portion happens little time make substitution even tell anymore know shoe fit everyone foot making change changed everything get get healthier active engaged importantly trying enough able look back even trying thought life going huge mood booster maybe work p paid program signed want solicit anything sharing info program post also therapy personally weight loss made difference -"So lately I been dealing with a pretty tense situation, which involves trying to get myself out of a pretty big rut caused by my depression and lack of motivation. Basically, a lot has gone to shit. - -Now, I'm trying to fix it, but there is this thing that happens whenever there is something difficult/uncomfortable I have to do in my life. In the hours leading up to waking up fully, in those moments when I'm tossing and turning my body feels terrible, especially in my stomach/abdominal area. My thoughts are anxious and I feel terrible. When I wake up fully, all I think about is the thing making me anxious, and the symptoms I described feel like 10 times worse and I feel extremely high stung and filled with dread. I feel like I want to fade away because it feels so bad. After about an hour or two, the physical symptoms lessen and my anxiety reduces to more manageable levels. - -Does anyone else feel this? And what have you done to cope.",1,lately dealing pretty tense situation involves trying get pretty big rut caused depression lack motivation basically lot gone shit trying fix thing happens whenever something difficult uncomfortable life hour leading waking fully moment tossing turning body feel terrible especially stomach abdominal area thought anxious feel terrible wake fully think thing making anxious symptom described feel like 0 time worse feel extremely high stung filled dread feel like want fade away feel bad hour two physical symptom lessen anxiety reduces manageable level anyone else feel done cope -"I've been having this for a few days, does anybody know of this is from anxiety, my hearth is normal but I've been having headaches and chest pains too",1,day anybody know anxiety hearth normal headache chest pain -"So I have a stutter and I’ve always been insecure about it. I was with my best friend and his friend and his friend made fun of someone’s stutter because he’s not aware I stutter. This made me realize how easy it is to make fun of people behind their back. I felt really bad that night and started crying when I got home cause it made me realize I didn’t know who was being real with me and I felt as tho I was devalued - -Flash to today and it was still bugging me but I realized something. Those people aren’t exclusively making fun of people like me, but making fun of a lot more than a stutter. People are made fun of for stutters, tics, religion, sexuality, lisps, appearance, and more. I realized it’s not my problem to worry about them and most people that make fun of others will show themselves with time and real nice people will never do that. This made me content and I was happy, I forgot about it for the most part and went about my business - -But I posted something to reddit about it and someone said they had a similar experience and it lead to going into psychosis and being paranoid about people talking badly about them. This made me almost have a panic attack when I was eating with my parents because going psychotic is one of my biggest fears. Ever since then I’ve felt so anxious. It took a good 30-60 minutes to calm myself down and not be on the edge of a panic attack. Ever since then I can’t shake this thought but now for a different reason. Instead of worrying who’s judging me. I’m worrying if I believe it. I’ve had this fear before but when it’s bad it gets so bad it feels like I’m already psychotic (even tho I’m not) and today was one of those days. It feels like the thought you believe if fact and I have terrible depersonalization. This has happened 4-6 times before this and normally after a good sleep my anxiety tones down a bit - -But since this is a little different and it started out without that anxiety, does that mean I am going crazy? Instead of thinking anyone is judging me I keep asking myself if I think these specific people at my work would judge me, idk why, once again that was cause OCD started to obsess on it now. But since I had this thought before OCD does it mean I’m going crazy? Or am I sane since I’m worrying so much about it?",1,stutter always insecure best friend friend friend made fun someone stutter aware stutter made realize easy make fun people behind back felt really bad night started cry got home cause made realize know real felt tho devalued flash today still bugging realized something people exclusively making fun people like making fun lot stutter people made fun stutter tic religion sexuality lisp appearance realized problem worry people make fun others show time real nice people never made content happy forgot part went business posted something reddit someone said similar experience lead going psychosis paranoid people talking badly made almost panic attack eating parent going psychotic one biggest fear ever since felt anxious took good 0 0 minute calm edge panic attack ever since shake thought different reason instead worrying judging worrying believe fear bad get bad feel like already psychotic even tho today one day feel like thought believe fact terrible depersonalization happened time normally good sleep anxiety tone bit since little different started without anxiety mean going crazy instead thinking anyone judging keep asking think specific people work would judge idk cause ocd started ob since thought ocd mean going crazy sane since worrying much -Or i am the only one with that,1,one -I'm 17 and my anxiety has been getting worse and worse as I fly towards adulthood at mach 1. I've started carrying around a plush of one of my favorite characters. Its really comforting. I want to start brining it to school because that's where a lot of anxiety happens but I don't know if I'll be able to ignore everyone's judging eyes. Does anyone else do this? Is it a healthy coping mechanism?,1,anxiety getting worse worse fly towards adulthood mach started carrying around plush one favorite character really comforting want start brining school lot anxiety happens know able ignore everyone judging eye anyone else healthy coping mechanism -What do you do to help it?,1,help -I don’t see a stable future for myself. I have a lot going for me right now and I don’t even care. I’m 18 and graduating highschool in June and alot of my friends will be moving away for college including my boyfriend of 2 years. I feel like everything is ending. traveling and planes terrify me so I probably cant visit my friends unless they visit me. I cant see myself every being stable enough to live a non anxious life. What is wrong with me.,1,see stable future lot going right even care graduating highschool june alot friend moving away college including boyfriend year feel like everything ending traveling plane terrify probably cant visit friend unless visit cant see every stable enough live non anxious life wrong -"It’s been so long I have been avoiding to get treated. Especially because it’s social anxiety, I definitely don’t want to talk to a stranger. - -But it’s been ruining my life. So… here we are. - -Any tips, anything I should prepare? - -What questions do they ask you ? - -I am already getting anxiety attacks because of the appointment..",1,long avoiding get treated especially social anxiety definitely want talk stranger ruining life tip anything prepare question ask already getting anxiety attack appointment -Just called out of work today. I’m feeling like I let everyone down which I know isn’t the case. At least I recognize the anxiety,1,called work today feeling like let everyone know case least recognize anxiety -,1,nan -For the past two days I’ve been having a lot of trouble getting to sleep and I’m just worried if this is really something I should be really worried about and no one in my family seems to care that I’m having trouble with this so am I just overreacting? Or is this something o should be concerned about?,1,past two day lot trouble getting sleep worried really something really worried one family seems care trouble overreacting something concerned -"Hi r/Anxiety, - -I’m a 30yr old male with what I would say is a decent amount of stress, but nothing out of the norm. Yeah, work is stressful, rent is increasing, and a proposal to my gf are all looming, but I’ve always been able to accept those things will come with some mild stress since I’m human. - -I’ve been experiencing what I can only describe as mild/severe panic attacks recently that are completely wiping me off the face of the earth. This past Saturday I found myself in a bathroom stall at noon after being out with friends for lunch/drinks experiencing symptoms. Last night after work I came home, was slapped with tunnel vision, trembling, tight chest, and once I laid down in bed, had what I would describe as the worst experience of my life for 30 minutes. Borderline exorcism. - -I’m completely new to this experience and am obviously concerned what my triggers are or where this is coming from. I plan on having a wellness check with my local physician, but are there buzzwords or things I should include so I can do exactly explain what I am experiencing? I constantly drink water, I take only about 200mg caffeine a day, I exercise 5-6 times a week, I have what I would describe as a pretty well balanced diet.. Why is this happening all of a sudden? - -Appreciate any feedback. This is more of a vent.",1,hi r anxiety 0yr old male would say decent amount stress nothing norm yeah work stressful rent increasing proposal gf looming always able accept thing come mild stress since human experiencing describe mild severe panic attack recently completely wiping face earth past saturday found bathroom stall noon friend lunch drink experiencing symptom last night work came home slapped tunnel vision trembling tight chest laid bed would describe worst experience life 0 minute borderline exorcism completely new experience obviously concerned trigger coming plan wellness check local physician buzzword thing include exactly explain experiencing constantly drink water take 00mg caffeine day exercise time week would describe pretty well balanced diet happening sudden appreciate feedback vent -,1,nan -"So I live here in Orlando FL, and we have the world's tallest chair swing ride. So imagine the swings that you would go on at a carnival, but 450 ft high and going at up to 60 mph. I was so nervous but I decided I wasn't gonna let my anxiety ruin it so I went it and lo and behold it not only was really fun, but actually surprisingly relaxing and beautiful!",1,live orlando fl world tallest chair swing ride imagine swing would go carnival 0 ft high going 0 mph nervous decided gon na let anxiety ruin went lo behold really fun actually surprisingly relaxing beautiful -"i finally started therapy last november because my social anxiety has gotten too big to deal with and i feel stuck. i thought it was going well, therapist understood my problem, anxiety has been my reality for years so i guess changing my mindset is a slow process and all that, but a few weeks ago my mom told me i should try to talk with a few other therapists because she doesn’t think i’m not really making progress and she also doesn’t like that my therapist has suggested anxiety meds and antidepressants (which i’m not on right now) because it’s like she’s dismissing me, she said. this got me thinking that i truly don’t know what the best path is because you trust your therapist, you aren’t the one who studied psychology so you assume she obviously knows better. so i thought i’d try to ask people here who went to therapy and got rid of anxiety what should i expect? i didn’t expect my therapist to say a bunch of magic words and cure me, but is it really “anxiety is never going to go away, you can just learn to handle it better. just make yourself suffer by putting yourself in situations that cause you anxiety until you get used to it and take meds to help if you want to”. because that’s depressing. i know i might sound whiny but having to make all the work myself makes me lose all motivation and i just wanna off myself because i don’t actually get used to stuff, i’ve taken the bus a million times in my life and yet i’m still anxious every time i have to take it. i feel like i can’t win. i thought that therapists would at least help a little bit, because what am i paying her for? telling me to accept that i can’t control everything because risk is a part of life and to take a walk everyday? because i could’ve realized that by myself.",1,finally started therapy last november social anxiety gotten big deal feel stuck thought going well therapist understood problem anxiety reality year guess changing mindset slow process week ago mom told try talk therapist think really making progress also like therapist suggested anxiety med antidepressant right like dismissing said got thinking truly know best path trust therapist one studied psychology assume obviously know better thought try ask people went therapy got rid anxiety expect expect therapist say bunch magic word cure really anxiety never going go away learn handle better make suffer putting situation cause anxiety get used take med help want depressing know might sound whiny make work make lose motivation wan na actually get used stuff taken bus million time life yet still anxious every time take feel like win thought therapist would least help little bit paying telling accept control everything risk part life take walk everyday could realized -"Last few days I (24F) fell into some spiral of anxious thoughts about my relationship and my diploma thesis and can't get out of it. I haven't properly eaten for three days now and last thing I do before falling asleep and first thing after waking up is just cry. I feel like there is ton of brics on my chest at all times and I cannot carry it anymore. Im becoming desperate... I seriously don't know what to do, if anyone has any advice thank you so much.",1,last day f fell spiral anxious thought relationship diploma thesis get properly eaten three day last thing falling asleep first thing waking cry feel like ton brics chest time carry anymore im becoming desperate seriously know anyone advice thank much -"Since my stepfather died I have slept 2 hours every single night and day, my anxiety is just at an insane max right now to the point where I break down everyday in the shower if I’m not in there with my SO, my bags are insanely black and I’m so exhausted but still doing my hardest to function in society which is making it worse since I’m failing.",1,since stepfather died slept hour every single night day anxiety insane max right point break everyday shower bag insanely black exhausted still hardest function society making worse since failing -It wasn’t to bad. It’s pretty easy. But I was still scared. I’ve lost over 11 jobs due to my anxiety I hope this one sticks. Plus it’s only 8 mins from home. I was so proud that I got up early and I went to work. I made myself do it but I did it. My second day is tomorrow and I’m nervous again. I hope I can pull through and be able to do this.,1,bad pretty easy still scared lost job due anxiety hope one stick plus min home proud got early went work made second day tomorrow nervous hope pull able -Lol not literally but when I’m out with a group of people for example I always feel so weird like I don’t belong or that I’m so abstract from everyone but in reality I’m accepted by everybody & it rlly sucks feeling this way. Anyone else go through this?,1,lol literally group people example always feel weird like belong abstract everyone reality accepted everybody amp rlly suck feeling way anyone else go -"Hi I’m 27(f) and my partner / guy is also 27. I say partner because I’ve had mixed messages about being in a relationship or not recently with him and I think this is a factor to my anxiety too. - -Fyi: I have had bad anxiety since an abusive relationship at university and another one where I had a bf cheat multiple times. My parents did not have a healthy relationship when I was younger and where both not very present till my later teenage years. I don’t suffer anxiety in general but my relationship anxiety has only got worse the older I get. - -Current situ: -We’ve been dating 3/4 months. About 6 weeks ago his twin brother died suddenly, which was tragic accident. They were extremely close and he’s been very unemotional about it all (hasn’t cried and been very rational). - -Before we got together we were friends before, although I always knew he wanted more than that. He’d asked me on a few dates in the past which I declined because he isn’t usually someone I would go for, but personality wins me over everytime. He was also very consistent over text and the quality of conversation was always really good which as someone with r/anxiety the reassurance that someone is interested really helps and usually attracts me more to them. This has since faded massively (even before the passing of his brother) and I find even some days the conversation is a 10th of what it used to be, we’ve discussed this and a lot of the time he says it’s due to work / and just over time not needing to keep up this same level (because he is no longer chasing me?). Because of my anxiety, the long periods of lack of communication I struggle with and my brain starts to panic - I find myself regularly checking his Instagram, who he follows, what pictures he’s liked. It’s not healthy and I’m trying to stop because it never helps but almost become like an OCD. -Since his brother passed he’s shown me glimpses of seeing a future together: he introduced me to some friends, double dates and his parents / sister which I don’t feel you would do if you didn’t see a relationship potential. He’s said he would have asked me to be his gf when we (should have gone on holiday) the week after his brother passed. But since I’ve had mixed comments from whether we are in a relationship or still dating. I find myself in a constant spiral atm due to the lack of communication, which he says a factor is the grieving, this is hard to overcome, I feel awful to keep bringing up I need more in this situation I.e if he can’t text due to busy days can he call me more, he agrees but never follows through consistently so every week I’m cycling the anxiety, crying, worry that’s now affecting my work and day to day. In this situation I don’t know what to do, the anxiety is becoming worse and worse, I don’t want to have to keep bringing it up to him because of everything going on in his personal life, but he doesn’t seem to be meeting any emotional needs for me and I’m worried I won’t cope long term with someone who can’t reassure me. I also feel guilty for wanting more from him, I do hope it will get better in time as he is still in shock / grieving process but it’s hard to tell. - -How would you handle this situation? Do you continue to suffer in silence with the anxiety in order to stop putting pressure on the other person when they are grieving or would ending the situation be better (I wouldn’t want to do this I’m very happy with him but I feel like in a short space of time this has been intense and draining).",1,hi f partner guy also say partner mixed message relationship recently think factor anxiety fyi bad anxiety since abusive relationship university another one bf cheat multiple time parent healthy relationship younger present till later teenage year suffer anxiety general relationship anxiety got worse older get current situ dating month week ago twin brother died suddenly tragic accident extremely close unemotional cried rational got together friend although always knew wanted asked date past declined usually someone would go personality win everytime also consistent text quality conversation always really good someone r anxiety reassurance someone interested really help usually attracts since faded massively even passing brother find even day conversation 0th used discussed lot time say due work time needing keep level longer chasing anxiety long period lack communication struggle brain start panic find regularly checking instagram follows picture liked healthy trying stop never help almost become like ocd since brother passed shown glimpse seeing future together introduced friend double date parent sister feel would see relationship potential said would asked gf gone holiday week brother passed since mixed comment whether relationship still dating find constant spiral atm due lack communication say factor grieving hard overcome feel awful keep bringing need situation e text due busy day call agrees never follows consistently every week cycling anxiety cry worry affecting work day day situation know anxiety becoming worse worse want keep bringing everything going personal life seem meeting emotional need worried cope long term someone reassure also feel guilty wanting hope get better time still shock grieving process hard tell would handle situation continue suffer silence anxiety order stop putting pressure person grieving would ending situation better want happy feel like short space time intense draining -,1,nan -"As of lately I have been under a considerable amount of stress which causes me to have uncontrollable anxiety about most of the time I’m awake now. I’ve noticed a new side affect from this; my nervous habits/tics from childhood are starting to come back. - -The more stressed out I am, the more I have this strange, uncontrollable compulsion to kind of clench/tense my abdominal muscles over to my rib cage and also tense my neck muscles. As strange as it sounds, I start to get a very uncomfortable sensation if I don’t do it for a certain amount of time. - -This habit is causing a lot of strain on my back, sides, and a lot of stomach pain/acid reflux. I’ve tried working on breathing exercises to stop and distract myself but nothing quite works. - -Does anybody else get these strange nervous habits or tics? I have ADHD and diagnosed anxiety, I’m not sure if that would be related. I’ve considered even seeing a therapist to attempt getting help with this.",1,lately considerable amount stress cause uncontrollable anxiety time awake noticed new side affect nervous habit tic childhood starting come back stressed strange uncontrollable compulsion kind clench tense abdominal muscle rib cage also tense neck muscle strange sound start get uncomfortable sensation certain amount time habit causing lot strain back side lot stomach pain acid reflux tried working breathing exercise stop distract nothing quite work anybody else get strange nervous habit tic adhd diagnosed anxiety sure would related considered even seeing therapist attempt getting help -"Hello, so I have PTSD, Bipolar Disorder, and a back injury that will never heal. I recently had to move from Maine to Florida. I am in the process of re-establishing my medical care in a new state. A more restrictive state. The doctors here want me off my back pain medication, my anxiety medication, and want me to quit smoking pot. It took me a long time to figure out the exact combination of medications that works for me. - -&#x200B; - -I moved from California to Maine about ten years ago. It took me a few trips to the looney bin for doctors to believe me, figure out what was wrong with me, and treat me. I spent my first three years in Maine in constant pain due to a back injury that my nurse practitioner thought ""I was way too young to have."" Which I absolutely did and still do have. She sent me to specialists that verified I do have a serious injury, and she would say she doesn't believe them. I turned her into the board of directors at the hospital I was in for basically torturing me. But, because I live with debilitating depression, I did not follow through with it - and it was dropped. - -&#x200B; - -When I finally found a doctor that *believed* my X-ray and was willing to treat me, and a doctor that was able to diagnose my PTSD and Bipolar disorder and treat me, my life took off in the right direction. I was able to finish my bachelor's degree, my master's degree, and start my PhD. One right after another. My family was forced to leave Maine because of all the people that flooded into Maine due to the pandemic, and Maine's low number of reported cases in the beginning. - -&#x200B; - -Now, I am having to redo all of these complicated steps, and I feel myself falling into my depression hole. I feel so defeated. I'm coming down off my back pain meds, and my back is hurting so incredibly bad it makes me want to die. I have gone through so many years of physical pain, I thought it was over. I thought I had that figured out. My anxiety about doctor's opinions in my medical care, and anxiety behind being looked at like a druggie when I don't do drugs. The anxiety of having to plead my case to people that just have heard so many lies they wouldn't know the truth if it smacked them in the face. Depression at having to do all of this crap over again.",1,hello ptsd bipolar disorder back injury never heal recently move maine florida process establishing medical care new state restrictive state doctor want back pain medication anxiety medication want quit smoking pot took long time figure exact combination medication work amp x 00b moved california maine ten year ago took trip looney bin doctor believe figure wrong treat spent first three year maine constant pain due back injury nurse practitioner thought way young absolutely still sent specialist verified serious injury would say believe turned board director hospital basically torturing live debilitating depression follow dropped amp x 00b finally found doctor believed x ray willing treat doctor able diagnose ptsd bipolar disorder treat life took right direction able finish bachelor degree master degree start phd one right another family forced leave maine people flooded maine due pandemic maine low number reported case beginning amp x 00b redo complicated step feel falling depression hole feel defeated coming back pain med back hurting incredibly bad make want die gone many year physical pain thought thought figured anxiety doctor opinion medical care anxiety behind looked like druggie drug anxiety plead case people heard many lie know truth smacked face depression crap -"Hey everyone. I am just curious if anyone has also suffered from this type of anxiety. I will get anxiety and panic about one thing and after coping and learning to overcome this anxiety, my anxiety tends to hyper-fixate on something else to worry about. Im wondering if anyone else has dealt with this and how they stopped this cycle? Im currently on sertraline and buspirone and attend therapy as well for anxiety and panic disorder.",1,hey everyone curious anyone also suffered type anxiety get anxiety panic one thing coping learning overcome anxiety anxiety tends hyper fixate something else worry im wondering anyone else dealt stopped cycle im currently sertraline buspirone attend therapy well anxiety panic disorder -You are doing enough - just let yourself take a break.,1,enough let take break -,1,nan -Preferably without becoming addicted.,1,preferably without becoming addicted -,1,nan -"So. let me preface this by saying that i didn’t cheat. i’m in a chemistry class, and we just had our final exam. I scored a 98% after the curve (the average in the class was 93%). i got an A in the course and i was ecstatic about my grade, until i read a post from my college’s reddit asking when academic integrity violations would be announced. that’s what started me down this spiral. - -I started checking my grade every hour for the past three days, just to see if it’s uploaded so i can know if he thinks i cheated and reported me. i’ve been feeling nauseous and shaky. i did well on my first test in the class (a 92.5%), but the second test I didn’t do great (a 66%). there’s no reason for me to think that he thinks i cheated. i’ve done well on all the hw, and he even said that the majority of the class had a huge improvement from their final compared to their midterm, so he replaced the lower test grade w the grade for the final, but i still feel so sick. idk what to do or how to calm down, i feel like i’m manifesting it. grades are supposed to be updated tomorrow by 3am, so we’ll see what happens.",1,let preface saying cheat chemistry class final exam scored 9 curve average class 9 got course ecstatic grade read post college reddit asking academic integrity violation would announced started spiral started checking grade every hour past three day see uploaded know think cheated reported feeling nauseous shaky well first test class 9 second test great reason think think cheated done well hw even said majority class huge improvement final compared midterm replaced lower test grade w grade final still feel sick idk calm feel like manifesting grade supposed updated tomorrow see happens -"Hey all! - -I’m 20 and I started taking 10mg citalopram in summer last year. I had no side effects except for a decreased appetite and worsened insomnia (I already suffered with that though). Everything was going well until the start of this year when my anxiety suddenly got out of control (my doctor thinks I grew resistant to the 10mg or something). My dose was increased to 20mg the end of Feb. - -For the first week I felt fine, but then I started to feel nauseous the second week. Then, over last weekend, I began to be physically sick. - -I take citalopram in the morning as soon as I wake up because I used to take it at night and it wasn’t good for my insomnia. As well as this, for the good of being completely transparent, I am a social university student who does enjoy drinking. Even though alcohol was fine with 10mg, could it be possible that it is not now? I know this is an important piece of context, hence why I’m including it. - -Basically, did anyone else suffer with nausea and vomiting after increasing their dose? Should I be concerned that it’s been 3 weeks since starting the new dose and my side effects haven’t settled? Also, how worried should I be mixing citalopram with this new dose when I was fine when I drank on 10mg? - -Thanks for any advice",1,hey 0 started taking 0mg citalopram summer last year side effect except decreased appetite worsened insomnia already suffered though everything going well start year anxiety suddenly got control doctor think grew resistant 0mg something dose increased 0mg end feb first week felt fine started feel nauseous second week last weekend began physically sick take citalopram morning soon wake used take night good insomnia well good completely transparent social university student enjoy drinking even though alcohol fine 0mg could possible know important piece context hence including basically anyone else suffer nausea vomiting increasing dose concerned week since starting new dose side effect settled also worried mixing citalopram new dose fine drank 0mg thanks advice -,1,nan -Wtf are we doing here?,1,wtf -"It’s gotten so bad lately I am basically in a constant state of fear. I can’t get a break from it whatsoever, just a constant state of being afraid, impending doom and panic. Any helpful words and tips would be greatly appreciated. It’s so debilitating and disheartening.",1,gotten bad lately basically constant state fear get break whatsoever constant state afraid impending doom panic helpful word tip would greatly appreciated debilitating disheartening -"I just read this line somewhere “The problem with silence is that it’s usually not complete.” It got me thinking how I usually like to drown the noise around me by playing some music in the background. The noises make me anxious or irritable at times. But then I would probably not be able withstand complete silence as well because then I’d be left alone with my thoughts which isn’t exactly comforting. AND I sometimes get anxious if I completely cut off outside world because then I’m anxious about not knowing what’s happening out there. Damn it’s frustrating. - -Any of you guys face this as well?",1,read line somewhere problem silence usually complete got thinking usually like drown noise around playing music background noise make anxious irritable time would probably able withstand complete silence well left alone thought exactly comforting sometimes get anxious completely cut outside world anxious knowing happening damn frustrating guy face well -"i've experienced this before, they describe this one as “brain zaps” but this time it's much worse. it's at the back of my head now, like near my neck. then it's followed by intense pulsing feeling somewhere between the back of my head and neck and i feel like something bad can happen to me anytime. i'm not even feeling anxious at all right before experiencing this one. anyone else who experienced this?",1,experienced describe one brain zap time much worse back head like near neck followed intense pulsing feeling somewhere back head neck feel like something bad happen anytime even feeling anxious right experiencing one anyone else experienced -"I am pretty sure I have a porn addiction. In particular, I find myself drawn to the “casting” type videos — my therapist and I have discussed that seeing amateurs and novel stimuli is sexually stimulating, especially for someone who has searched for porn all their life. I’d like to think that I am not hurting anyone (besides myself) in consuming this porn. But I experience urges to watch GirlsDoPorn. - -If you are not familiar, many girls within this casting channel were coerced into filming, and were essentially assaulted on screen. I know morally that I should not watch these videos, and I always am able to stop myself. But I am just so, so ashamed that I have to seek validation on google (“is it wrong to watch GDP?”) in order to stop myself. To me, it feels as though I need GOOGLE to reaffirm my morals. I just feel so weak when I am horny, and after I am horny, I just feel this terrible guilt - am I a horrible person who views women as nothing as sexual objects? Am I so far removed from the concept of empathy that seeing women possibly being assaulted is less important than satisfying my sexual urges? - -How do you all view this situation? Do I pose a threat to those around me? I feel a terrible shame, but these feelings seem to almost evaporate when I’m in that mood. Therapy and meds have helped, but I need to kick this habit and I don’t want to hurt anyone. I also feel that future relationships would be ruined if they were to find out about my blatant disrespect for women.",1,pretty sure porn addiction particular find drawn casting type video therapist discussed seeing amateur novel stimulus sexually stimulating especially someone searched porn life like think hurting anyone besides consuming porn experience urge watch girlsdoporn familiar many girl within casting channel coerced filming essentially assaulted screen know morally watch video always able stop ashamed seek validation google wrong watch gdp order stop feel though need google reaffirm moral feel weak horny horny feel terrible guilt horrible person view woman nothing sexual object far removed concept empathy seeing woman possibly assaulted le important satisfying sexual urge view situation pose threat around feel terrible shame feeling seem almost evaporate mood therapy med helped need kick habit want hurt anyone also feel future relationship would ruined find blatant disrespect woman -"I’ve been on just about every SSRI under the sun. I’ve been on hydroxyzine. I’m currently on 30mg of buspar 2x a day, 50mg of seroquel, and 30mg of remron. It is not working for me. I still can’t leave my house. I get anxious the second I step outside. I get sick to my stomach, dizzy, light headed, my toes and fingers tingle, and i feel like an elephant is sitting on my chest. I go into tunnel vision and shut down. I can’t even escape my anxiety as i have very anxious dreams. I need the help of medication that will actually work. I just want to feel human again :(",1,every ssri sun hydroxyzine currently 0mg buspar x day 0mg seroquel 0mg remron working still leave house get anxious second step outside get sick stomach dizzy light headed toe finger tingle feel like elephant sitting chest go tunnel vision shut even escape anxiety anxious dream need help medication actually work want feel human -"I want to sing, but I'm afraid of everything, my voice is shaking when I speak and it makes me cry even thinking about singing or practicing. Plus to that, I was in music school when I was a child and my music teacher just stopped working with me said I am useless and should just be quit when others sing. I really need to start singing, it's killing me, but I am afraid to go to school for anxiety and childhood memories of being shit at singing and I am afraid of practicing home because I think neighbors can hear me. I can't cope anymore.",1,want sing afraid everything voice shaking speak make cry even thinking singing practicing plus music school child music teacher stopped working said useless quit others sing really need start singing killing afraid go school anxiety childhood memory shit singing afraid practicing home think neighbor hear cope anymore -i have no idea if this is anxiety but this is the reason why im asking. lately I’ve been extremely overthinking the most smallest things and worrying about the most things that I’ve been overthinking about. this happens throughout the day and disrupts my life. it’s even disrupting me whilst I’m typing.i worry and overthink things that could cause health problems but the things are sooo small.i’ve wasted so many food thinking”this could be dangerous “ i know it sounds stupid because I can barely even explain it. it’s taking a toll on me but I know that the other day when I got outside the house I wasn’t thinking about it and I felt better. but then when I got back to the house and started up again.i just know I keep overthinking and worrying about the smallest things health related I can’t tell you the amount of times that I’ve been back-and-forth to the doctor this year and last year worrying myself,1,idea anxiety reason im asking lately extremely overthinking smallest thing worrying thing overthinking happens throughout day disrupts life even disrupting whilst typing worry overthink thing could cause health problem thing sooo small wasted many food thinking could dangerous know sound stupid barely even explain taking toll know day got outside house thinking felt better got back house started know keep overthinking worrying smallest thing health related tell amount time back forth doctor year last year worrying -I don't know if something like this has happened to any of you but if I try to sleep on my bed I wake up in the middle of the night or can get any rest. I can only get to sleep on the couch. I'm worried about this because I don't want to sleep on my bed. Any tips??,1,know something like happened try sleep bed wake middle night get rest get sleep couch worried want sleep bed tip -" -Hi im doing my master degree, -My grades are dropping, the notes my teachers are leaving are nasty, things like you are not creative, you don't know how to write.. - -This was not the case in first semester, i got straight A, and now in this exchange semester things are just going to hell. - -I lost my confidence.. - -I can't write. - -Im panicking that im not good engouh.. - -And the voices in my head keeps telling me that im a stuipd failure.. -The medicines are not stopping that.. - -And now i have this paper to sumbit and i just cant start writing bc i feel stupid.. - - -Im just tired.. I just want the voices to stop and to feel happy about myself and what i accomplished.",1,hi im master degree grade dropping note teacher leaving nasty thing like creative know write case first semester got straight exchange semester thing going hell lost confidence write im panicking im good engouh voice head keep telling im stuipd failure medicine stopping paper sumbit cant start writing bc feel stupid im tired want voice stop feel happy accomplished -"and tell my that I will be ok, and my life is not in shambles because of a stupid stupid decision I made. It’s been 3 days that I have not slept, but just thought about the situation I can’t seem to solve. - -I should have just not tried to overachieve some shit and now I am left with nothing, NOTHING, and my career is even worse than if I had just done NOTHING. - -I am shaking, I am anxious although I have never had mental health issues before, and my life is a mess. Every stability I knew is getting pulled away from me and I have even failed myself at giving myself some stability. Everything is a mess. - -Please, I can’t deal with it at all. I want to wake up in a different life every morning. I can’t get a break from being anxious and worrying - not even for some sleep, that is how badly my brain is coping. - -Hope there will be some answers to help me cope. Has anyone else hat a full week of constant anxiety?",1,tell ok life shamble stupid stupid decision made day slept thought situation seem solve tried overachieve shit left nothing nothing career even worse done nothing shaking anxious although never mental health issue life mess every stability knew getting pulled away even failed giving stability everything mess please deal want wake different life every morning get break anxious worrying even sleep badly brain coping hope answer help cope anyone else hat full week constant anxiety -"Ok so ever since my anxiety attack I am convinced being tired is fatigue and a symptom of death, can someone please just put me at ease",1,ok ever since anxiety attack convinced tired fatigue symptom death someone please put ease -I feel so anxious about school and suddenly there are so many people who reaching out to me for help and things like that my mind just can't seem to calm down. I feel like crying and vomitting at the same time but i can't take a break cause of school deadlines i just want this madness to stop😭,1,feel anxious school suddenly many people reaching help thing like mind seem calm feel like cry vomitting time take break cause school deadline want madness stop -I had really bad anxiety about a year ago. It made it difficult to swallow and to eat and just made everyday a chore. Recently I’ve started to become more zoned out as if I’m living in a dream. There is no reason for me to be anxious but alas here I am. I cannot control my mind and I’ve been on 75mg of Zoloft for about 8 months now and now that the symptoms are starting to return it’s making me even more anxious and I fear the anxiety may come back.,1,really bad anxiety year ago made difficult swallow eat made everyday chore recently started become zoned living dream reason anxious ala control mind mg zoloft month symptom starting return making even anxious fear anxiety may come back -"I’ve had panic attacks on and off all day. - -It all started at 1am when my apartment broke out into an electrical fire. Luckily, the place doesn’t look too bad - I was actually allowed back inside, I just don’t have any power at the moment. I go to uni though so I’ve been doing work. I only had a couple scorch marks on my wall, my chair, and the outlet cover on my wall where the fire came from melted. - -It wasn’t a great start. I felt really down and out of it. - -Then I went to school, and at the end of my band rehearsal, I started having a panic attack halfway through the final piece we were running through. I broke down. I tend to hide my emotions so it was very scary. - -I haven’t felt the same since. I feel so behind. I’ve been in a depressive state for the last little while, and I’m very behind on school work and that kind of stuff. - -I just needed to get all of that out. - -Sorry.",1,panic attack day started apartment broke electrical fire luckily place look bad actually allowed back inside power moment go uni though work couple scorch mark wall chair outlet cover wall fire came melted great start felt really went school end band rehearsal started panic attack halfway final piece running broke tend hide emotion scary felt since feel behind depressive state last little behind school work kind stuff needed get sorry -"I (26M) had a huge panic attack after taking my Xanax dose. I whole body went numb, I was having trouble breathing, I felt nauseous, I thought I was having either a stroke or a heart attack. I spent an hour on the suicide hotline. I was ready to go to the hospital. I’m afraid to go to sleep tonight. I’m afraid I won’t wake up. I’m tired of being on so many meds. I want to take back my life!",1,huge panic attack taking xanax dose whole body went numb trouble breathing felt nauseous thought either stroke heart attack spent hour suicide hotline ready go hospital afraid go sleep tonight afraid wake tired many med want take back life -,1,nan -"Skip to the end for my main point lol. - -I’m the worst overthinker. I must think of all possible bad outcomes so I can “prepare” myself for them. Obviously, all it does it cause extreme anxiety and exhaustion. I’m a big “what if” person and my what if’s are always negative. Yay for catastrophic thinking. - -When stressful things happen, my mind runs nonstop. It feels like a tornado in my head and I can’t get a grip. I cannot sit with uncertainty and I feel like I need to solve issues right at this moment because I feel stuck. So I write down my thoughts. - -I really like the mantra of “cross that bridge when you get to it.” In my current situation, I keep telling myself that, but as I was writing my thoughts out, I wrote something to add to that that is helpful to keep telling myself. I just thought I’d share in case it can help anyone else. - -When I start thinking “what if,” I try to stop myself and say “I don’t need that bridge yet, I’m still in traffic.” Here’s what I came up with: - -You are building bridges to places you may not even go to and it’s waisting energy. You don’t have to drive anywhere right now. You’re just in traffic right now. Traffic doesn’t last forever, even though it may seem like it. Eventually, things will get moving and you’ll get to where you need to be. If you come to a bridge, you can decide if you want to cross it or go another way. Either way you choose, you’ll end up where you need to be.",1,skip end main point lol worst overthinker must think possible bad outcome prepare obviously cause extreme anxiety exhaustion big person always negative yay catastrophic thinking stressful thing happen mind run nonstop feel like tornado head get grip sit uncertainty feel like need solve issue right moment feel stuck write thought really like mantra cross bridge get current situation keep telling writing thought wrote something add helpful keep telling thought share case help anyone else start thinking try stop say need bridge yet still traffic came building bridge place may even go waisting energy drive anywhere right traffic right traffic last forever even though may seem like eventually thing get moving get need come bridge decide want cross go another way either way choose end need -I thought it was an interesting way to look at it and wanted to share with you all.,1,thought interesting way look wanted share -"Currently trying to redecorate on my own. New to living alone too. To feel more empowered I have been redecorating. Finally ordered a new couch, chnage is scary lol. Anyways my couch was supposed to arrive Wednesday but it came early and I’m not prepared. I don’t have a cart to get it up at the moment. I’m concerned it will be stolen (rationally who would steal a 77 pound thing and a another oddly shaped packaged but maybe?) or that the apartment will send it back before I can get the cart tomorrow to bring it up (I emailed them just in case). Even if neither happen, I don’t want to ask anyone for help bringing it up because I either feel like a burden. Or I don’t want to socialize with anyone while dealing with the couch cause that gives me anxiety already. Preferably, I’d pay someone but how would one even do that for a task that takes 5 minutes max, just seems silly. So now if I’m lucky and my couch is still in the mail room tomorrow after work when I have a cart. Then I must be physically capable to get the couch up on the cart, into the elevator, and into my apartment myself. I think I can do it but I’m scared as to what’s going to happen. Anybody have any opinions on this? Am I overthinking? I read somewhere that anxiety can be confused with feelings of excitement too. Maybe that’s what’s happening? Idk man I want to know it will be okay.",1,currently trying redecorate new living alone feel empowered redecorating finally ordered new couch chnage scary lol anyways couch supposed arrive wednesday came early prepared cart get moment concerned stolen rationally would steal pound thing another oddly shaped packaged maybe apartment send back get cart tomorrow bring emailed case even neither happen want ask anyone help bringing either feel like burden want socialize anyone dealing couch cause give anxiety already preferably pay someone would one even task take minute max seems silly lucky couch still mail room tomorrow work cart must physically capable get couch cart elevator apartment think scared going happen anybody opinion overthinking read somewhere anxiety confused feeling excitement maybe happening idk man want know okay -"hi, I have a (social) anxiety disorder and everytime I'm stressed (for example medical appointments) my heartrate goes to the roof. While I am sitting and get my blood pressure checked my heart goes 160 bpm. This is so embarassing. Everytime I have to explain that I am very nervous and the medical stuff doesn't have to worry... - -Is there a specific way to get my heartrate down to normal in these situations? - -Thank you :)",1,hi social anxiety disorder everytime stressed example medical appointment heartrate go roof sitting get blood pressure checked heart go 0 bpm embarassing everytime explain nervous medical stuff worry specific way get heartrate normal situation thank -"Does anyone else feel this way too during an attack? It will come on like a rush out of nowhere - no triggers that I’m feeling. For instance, whenever I go to like target or Walmart I tend to get this. It’s almost like an overwhelming feeling and feeling faint. I never seem to be able to finish my shopping fully due to this because I just want to go checkout as soon as this wave comes on. I HATE THIS SO MUCH.",1,anyone else feel way attack come like rush nowhere trigger feeling instance whenever go like target walmart tend get almost like overwhelming feeling feeling faint never seem able finish shopping fully due want go checkout soon wave come hate much -,1,nan -"Been a stressful few weeks dealing with my college that overcharged me and now won’t help me with getting the money back (bank lost the check) I asked the college if they could cancel the check and refund the money to my bank account but the lady who answered the phone at the college blamed me for not knowing what a check is and said that’s my problem. - -Hence I had to keep calling the bank again and again w no answer to rectify the situation- when they did pick up the bank blamed me for not notifying them that the check was from the college ( I showed the bank the letter from my college in person so they should know the full situation and even told her to track the check number and amount but she said it couldn’t be done but when I called the hotline they were able to do it) - -Idk why but this stressful situation has made my anxiety skyrocket to an all time high. I keep thinking someone will blow up at me and call me stupid. I grew up with a father with an explosive temper who would curse you out for 40 minutes for spilling water and wouldn’t hesitate with getting physical - -I know this doesn’t make sense but I feel like someone is going to blow up at me and I would be powerless to stop it. I feel like everyone who I dealt with actually hates me and my heart won’t stop beating so fast and I feel nauseated all the time - -I was crying in bed last night because of how stressful this whole situation was. I know other people have been through worse and I’m sorry for posting this but this anxiety and all the bad thoughts is really taking a toll on me. Please I really hope someone knows how to deal with this.",1,stressful week dealing college overcharged help getting money back bank lost check asked college could cancel check refund money bank account lady answered phone college blamed knowing check said problem hence keep calling bank w answer rectify situation pick bank blamed notifying check college showed bank letter college person know full situation even told track check number amount said done called hotline able idk stressful situation made anxiety skyrocket time high keep thinking someone blow call stupid grew father explosive temper would curse 0 minute spilling water hesitate getting physical know make sense feel like someone going blow would powerless stop feel like everyone dealt actually hate heart stop beating fast feel nauseated time cry bed last night stressful whole situation know people worse sorry posting anxiety bad thought really taking toll please really hope someone know deal -"Hi, my bf and I are dating since 1 year. We love each other very much, but I had my diagnosis (anxiety and depressive disorder) due tu my anxiety 5 months ago, and there has been a lot of changes… - -My bf is very comprehensive, but sometimes he says things that I don’t understand… like, since 3-ish months, he keeps telling that I make no efforts in our relationship, that I am always sad, or tired, or angry, or sick ( I often have ordinary colds), etc. I already had a discussion with him, explaining that I can’t help it, that I’ll try to change my behavior, that sometimes my disorders affect me so much that I can’t move… -And he seems to understand, but it all starts again 2-3 weeks later. - -Besides, when I have panic attacks he helps me well… -I don’t understand why he keeps saying things like this, it makes me feel guilty. -I try really hard to make an effort, but sometimes I just can’t. - -And for those asking, yes I have already talked with him about this, but nothing changes. I understand that it may be tough for him to have an anxious gf, but his words cut deep sometimes. -I am currently in therapy and with a treatment. - -Has nobody experienced a similar situation ? How did you guys manage relationship and disorders ?",1,hi bf dating since year love much diagnosis anxiety depressive disorder due tu anxiety month ago lot change bf comprehensive sometimes say thing understand like since ish month keep telling make effort relationship always sad tired angry sick often ordinary cold etc already discussion explaining help try change behavior sometimes disorder affect much move seems understand start week later besides panic attack help well understand keep saying thing like make feel guilty try really hard make effort sometimes asking yes already talked nothing change understand may tough anxious gf word cut deep sometimes currently therapy treatment nobody experienced similar situation guy manage relationship disorder -"I recently started a new job and I’m finding it difficult to socialize with my some of my colleagues. I have no problem with one-on-ones, but I tend to struggle with social anxiety in group settings. As a result, I often avoid joining my group’s table during lunch (fairly small, around 5 people). My biggest concern is that I’m half everyone’s age and they’ve all known each other for 3+ years. In addition, these are groups of people I wouldn’t normally interact with in social settings. When I joined the table at one point, I felt awkward and out of place, worrying about everything that came out of my mouth. I also joined them during happy hour, but felt bored out of my mind and didn’t want to be there. - -I have made work friends during my orientation, but they all ended up working different shifts so I rarely see them. - -I’ve been spending my lunches alone so far, and as much as it’s way less stressful, I sometimes feel sad and lonely. I am not the only one alone in the break room, though I didn’t expect to be that person. Although I don’t particularly relate to my colleagues, what are some ways to get closer to them? - -Side note, I work alongside with them all day (12hr shift) in a lab setting, so it’s not like I never interact with them. I can’t tell if wanting to spend breaks alone is rude/antisocial, or actually common",1,recently started new job finding difficult socialize colleague problem one one tend struggle social anxiety group setting result often avoid joining group table lunch fairly small around people biggest concern half everyone age known year addition group people normally interact social setting joined table one point felt awkward place worrying everything came mouth also joined happy hour felt bored mind want made work friend orientation ended working different shift rarely see spending lunch alone far much way le stressful sometimes feel sad lonely one alone break room though expect person although particularly relate colleague way get closer side note work alongside day hr shift lab setting like never interact tell wanting spend break alone rude antisocial actually common -"i've made like 3-4 posts already in different parts of reddit trying to explain the mess that is myself and my life story but i swear this time i'm gonna try and get a grip on all my thoughts and what i think is messing up me and my life. - -ok first off i don't think i've had anxiety(or at least not nearly as bad) until like 3 years ago after i quit my job. it was fine at first but as the year went on i just slowly started to feel more and more like shit. - -right after i graduated high school like almost 6 years ago my dad's alcohol problem really started getting bad. and he was already sort of an asshole but it really ramped up when he started getting wasted every day, ditching work, not taking care of himself as much, etc. he started guilt tripping me into taking care of him and it got to the point where i basically had to babysit him until he either fell asleep or ran out of booze. mom eventually got to that point too and from there it was basically constant verbal abuse and a sense of worthlessness until mom finally got disgusted with herself and him and slowly began shaping up(but that was only because they ran out of money(both theirs and mine)). - -by the time they started becoming relatively functional again my mental state was fucking shot and i'm surprised i'm retaining enough sanity to not kick the shit out of them and anyone else. all i got out of it was the neverending fear that if i do anything to upset them they're probably gonna kick me out of the house(more on this later) - -now we're living with dad's mom who's crazy but still functions much better than either of them. and i would be fine around her except she doesn't even want me around and if dad keeps getting fucked up then i would be kicked out while he gets off with basically no punishment. - -starting the year i quit my job i developed a porn addiction that i didn't even think was possible until just recently. i don't know if it's the main cause of all my problems but if it makes me feel any better i'll quit on the spot. - -i want to move out, go to college, start my own life, and all that fun shit so badly but there is no way in hell i'm gonna be able to pass classes, get financial help, or even take care of myself in the mental state that i'm in right now. i'm trying to avoid online college because 1. i miss being able to go out and meet people and be a weirdo and 2. there's no way i'm gonna get anything done sitting in this house. - -i don't have any idea on what to do except sit around and pray for some sort of miracle, because i'm completely fucked at this point. i can't even bring myself to get out of bed most of the time. sometimes i'll fall asleep for no reason and i can't tell if it's because i'm freaking out too much or there's something else wrong with me. - -after i've spend the past couple days reflecting on everything that's happened and constantly fearing that my family will eventually throw me out i think i've lost my mind. i want to believe it'll pass but i have no idea anymore. right now i think my best bet is crying until i get enough financial assistance to move out and start college but i have no fucking clue where to begin on that. i don't care how low quality my life and housing is i just wanna get away from my crazy fucking family. they're one of the few reasons i have anxiety whatsoever. the only other things that really give me anxiety are projects(because i can never finish them), presentations(because i can never finish them properly), and driving to a destination for the first time(because my sense of direction is utter shit) - -if i have any other random related thoughts i'll edit them in but for now i think this gets my point across. if this post doesn't belong here i'll move or delete it or whatever. if this post seems like a mess it's because it is and i'm sorry - -\- - -EDIT: ok another thing that really fucking bothers me is my parents are always telling me i'm so smart and all that but then treat me like a dumbass. i really don't feel smart at all especially after how much i struggled in grade/middle school and how much trouble i have figuring out anything past basic stuff. the only reason this gives me anxiety is because if i can't do normal schoolwork there's no way in hell i'm gonna be able to do college-level work. like should i even attempt college when i have nothing going for me? - -EDIT 2: i forgot to mention the reason i hate when they call me smart(or anyone really) is because it's just an excuse for me to do more work instead of it being some sort of compliment - -EDIT 3: will having a sugar addiction give me anxiety/make it worse? because ever since i got to grandma's house i've been eating a lot more sweet/junk food because she won't stop buying it. if i need to cut that out too i'll try my best - -\- - -tl;dr family crazy, terrible decisions from everyone, how do i stop feeling like shit and move out",1,made like post already different part reddit trying explain mess life story swear time gon na try get grip thought think messing life ok first think anxiety least nearly bad like year ago quit job fine first year went slowly started feel like shit right graduated high school like almost year ago dad alcohol problem really started getting bad already sort asshole really ramped started getting wasted every day ditching work taking care much etc started guilt tripping taking care got point basically babysit either fell asleep ran booze mom eventually got point basically constant verbal abuse sense worthlessness mom finally got disgusted slowly began shaping ran money mine time started becoming relatively functional mental state fucking shot surprised retaining enough sanity kick shit anyone else got neverending fear anything upset probably gon na kick house later living dad mom crazy still function much better either would fine around except even want around dad keep getting fucked would kicked get basically punishment starting year quit job developed porn addiction even think possible recently know main cause problem make feel better quit spot want move go college start life fun shit badly way hell gon na able pas class get financial help even take care mental state right trying avoid online college miss able go meet people weirdo way gon na get anything done sitting house idea except sit around pray sort miracle completely fucked point even bring get bed time sometimes fall asleep reason tell freaking much something else wrong spend past couple day reflecting everything happened constantly fearing family eventually throw think lost mind want believe pas idea anymore right think best bet cry get enough financial assistance move start college fucking clue begin care low quality life housing wan na get away crazy fucking family one reason anxiety whatsoever thing really give anxiety project never finish presentation never finish properly driving destination first time sense direction utter shit random related thought edit think get point across post belong move delete whatever post seems like mess sorry edit ok another thing really fucking bother parent always telling smart treat like dumbass really feel smart especially much struggled grade middle school much trouble figuring anything past basic stuff reason give anxiety normal schoolwork way hell gon na able college level work like even attempt college nothing going edit forgot mention reason hate call smart anyone really excuse work instead sort compliment edit sugar addiction give anxiety make worse ever since got grandma house eating lot sweet junk food stop buying need cut try best tl dr family crazy terrible decision everyone stop feeling like shit move -Has anyone used Benadryl for anxiety attacks? I started using this because I refuse to be on benzos and find it works just enough to make it more manageable and wanted to know if others did too.,1,anyone used benadryl anxiety attack started using refuse benzos find work enough make manageable wanted know others -"Hello everyone, - -Thank you for taking the time to read this. - -I’m very new to anxiety, and wanting to learn techniques on how to navigate my way through episodes. I’ve began changing my diet, and gone back to being active (although not as much as when I was in better shape) in order to keep my mind busy during the day. However, it flairs up at night time randomly, and I’ve gone to the ER a few times out of fear of it being a heart attack —thankfully they’ve all been negative. However, I still find it hard to shake the urge to go there. - -I recently got some lab work, and my PCP told me I have slightly high cholesterol —but manageable with diet and exercise. Viéramos D3 deficiency, which I’m supplementing with caroming and ensuring I get sun for at least an hour a day. However the worse thing that flared it after almost a month of episodes was hearing that I’m at risk for heart disease. So I’ve gone into overdrive on changing my eating habits and working out to ensure that I can lower my chances as much as possible. There lies my fear. Whenever I feel the slightest change in my heart beat, I become hypersensitive and can’t shake the feeling and it spirals from there. - -Thankfully I’ve had my mom and girl friend to lean on, and they’ve been Godsends. I’ve also had heart to hearts with my mom during episodes that seem to help it come to an end. - -I’m aware that I must change aspects of my lifestyle to ensure my health stays good, and I prolong my life. But is there anything else that works for you? Maybe there’s something I haven’t thought of. - -I also wanted to post this so that I could feel part of the community. This is new to me, and I’m making myself as vulnerable as possible in real life being letting my family, Friends, and co-workers know —whom all have been awesome btw— and allowing them to know where I’m at. But there’s something about surrounding myself with others that are currently working through it take makes me feel stronger/supported. - -It might be late for a majority of you, but I’d appreciate any advice, whether it’s a movie, scene, book, or activity, I’m open to all things to add into my repertoire. - -I just came down from an episode so I apologize for any spelling errors or if my thoughts we’re convoyed correctly. - -Thank you.",1,hello everyone thank taking time read new anxiety wanting learn technique navigate way episode began changing diet gone back active although much better shape order keep mind busy day however flair night time randomly gone er time fear heart attack thankfully negative however still find hard shake urge go recently got lab work pcp told slightly high cholesterol manageable diet exercise vi ramos deficiency supplementing caroming ensuring get sun least hour day however worse thing flared almost month episode hearing risk heart disease gone overdrive changing eating habit working ensure lower chance much possible lie fear whenever feel slightest change heart beat become hypersensitive shake feeling spiral thankfully mom girl friend lean godsend also heart heart mom episode seem help come end aware must change aspect lifestyle ensure health stay good prolong life anything else work maybe something thought also wanted post could feel part community new making vulnerable possible real life letting family friend co worker know awesome btw allowing know something surrounding others currently working take make feel stronger supported might late majority appreciate advice whether movie scene book activity open thing add repertoire came episode apologize spelling error thought convoyed correctly thank -"My sibling has been dealing with anxiety and depression for awhile. It's definitely been affecting his health (alcoholism, loss of appetite , mood swings) however he won't acknowledge that fact that he needs to see a medical professional. We have tried to talk to him about his drinking and health but does not care to get checked. Anybody have tips on how to move forward? It's tough to see a sibling deteriorating but I don't want to keep heckling him as it gets him more angry and less likely to see someone.",1,sibling dealing anxiety depression awhile definitely affecting health alcoholism loss appetite mood swing however acknowledge fact need see medical professional tried talk drinking health care get checked anybody tip move forward tough see sibling deteriorating want keep heckling get angry le likely see someone -" Symptoms of panic disorder [include](https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/panic-disorder-when-fear-overwhelms): - -* sudden and repeated panic attacks -* an intense worry about when the next panic attack will happen -* fear of impending doom -* avoidance of places where panic attacks have occurred before - -Panic attacks can come on suddenly at any time and often do not have an apparent cause. There are many different symptoms that can occur during a panic attack. -The symptoms of a panic attack [include](https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/panic-disorder/): - -* [chest pain](https://www.healthgrades.com/right-care/symptoms-and-conditions/chest-pain), a racing heartbeat, or both -* [sweating](https://www.healthgrades.com/right-care/skin-hair-and-nails/hyperhidrosis-excessive-sweating) -* [nausea](https://www.healthgrades.com/right-care/digestive-health/nausea), [dizziness](https://www.healthgrades.com/right-care/symptoms-and-conditions/dizziness), or both -* feeling faint -* [shortness of breath](https://www.healthgrades.com/right-care/lungs-breathing-and-respiration/shortness-of-breath), with or without a sensation of choking -* trembling -* [chills](https://www.healthgrades.com/right-care/symptoms-and-conditions/chills) or [hot flashes](https://www.healthgrades.com/right-care/symptoms-and-conditions/hot-flashes) -* [numbness](https://www.healthgrades.com/right-care/symptoms-and-conditions/numbness) -* [dry mouth](https://www.healthgrades.com/right-care/oral-health/dry-mouth) -* a feeling of dread -* feeling as though you are not connected to your body -* ringing in your ears - -Not everyone will experience a panic attack in the same way. Most panic attacks last 5–20 minutes, though some can last up to an hour.",1,symptom panic disorder include http www nimh nih gov health publication panic disorder fear overwhelms sudden repeated panic attack intense worry next panic attack happen fear impending doom avoidance place panic attack occurred panic attack come suddenly time often apparent cause many different symptom occur panic attack symptom panic attack include http www nh uk mental health condition panic disorder chest pain http www healthgrades com right care symptom condition chest pain racing heartbeat sweating http www healthgrades com right care skin hair nail hyperhidrosis excessive sweating nausea http www healthgrades com right care digestive health nausea dizziness http www healthgrades com right care symptom condition dizziness feeling faint shortness breath http www healthgrades com right care lung breathing respiration shortness breath without sensation choking trembling chill http www healthgrades com right care symptom condition chill hot flash http www healthgrades com right care symptom condition hot flash numbness http www healthgrades com right care symptom condition numbness dry mouth http www healthgrades com right care oral health dry mouth feeling dread feeling though connected body ringing ear everyone experience panic attack way panic attack last – 0 minute though last hour -What is the longest youall have gone without anxiety?,1,longest youall gone without anxiety -"It happens to me, I would like talk to someone who is not my nationality and talk english/german, but i'm at the same time not comfortable with speaking in that language",1,happens would like talk someone nationality talk english german time comfortable speaking language -"Matched with a guy on a dating app.We went on a few dates, hooked up a couple of times but it didn't work since both of us got too occupied with our work and We had nothing to talk most of the time. But now after like a month I see this guy on my dance class WhatsApp group and he is about to join the same batch. - -I feel so anxious and weird. First, I dance horrible. But it didn't really matter because I didn't know anyone there. Should I leave the class? What do I do? The class was like an escape to me since I recently moved to this city and I don't want to leave the class but I also don't want to see him there and show him this side of me . Help please",1,matched guy dating app went date hooked couple time work since u got occupied work nothing talk time like month see guy dance class whatsapp group join batch feel anxious weird first dance horrible really matter know anyone leave class class like escape since recently moved city want leave class also want see show side help please -"Hi everyone - -&#x200B; - -Being a sexually abused survivor a child to dealing with many traumas of anxiety and depression related to family members and myself. I felt like I need to do something now. So I am working on a project to help people with mental health challenges that enjoy playing video games on their. If you are open for me to ask you some questions privately just say yes and I will send you a private dm. I appreciate the support I hope I can help like others who have helped me deal my trauma and anxiety.",1,hi everyone amp x 00b sexually abused survivor child dealing many trauma anxiety depression related family member felt like need something working project help people mental health challenge enjoy playing video game open ask question privately say yes send private dm appreciate support hope help like others helped deal trauma anxiety -"So I have a stutter and I’ve always been insecure about it. I was with my best friend and his friend and his friend made fun of someone’s stutter because he’s not aware I stutter. This made me realize how easy it is to make fun of people behind their back. I felt really bad that night and started crying when I got home cause it made me realize I didn’t know who was being real with me and I felt as tho I was devalued - -Flash to today and it was still bugging me but I realized something. Those people aren’t exclusively making fun of people like me, but making fun of a lot more than a stutter. People are made fun of for stutters, tics, religion, sexuality, lisps, appearance, and more. I realized it’s not my problem to worry about them and most people that make fun of others will show themselves with time and real nice people will never do that. This made me content and I was happy, I forgot about it for the most part and went about my business - -But I posted something to reddit about it and someone said they had a similar experience and it lead to going into psychosis and being paranoid about people talking badly about them. This made me almost have a panic attack when I was eating with my parents because going psychotic is one of my biggest fears. Ever since then I’ve felt so anxious. It took a good 30-60 minutes to calm myself down and not be on the edge of a panic attack. Ever since then I can’t shake this thought but now for a different reason. Instead of worrying who’s judging me. I’m worrying if I believe it. I’ve had this fear before but when it’s bad it gets so bad it feels like I’m already psychotic (even tho I’m not) and today was one of those days. It feels like the thought you believe if fact and I have terrible depersonalization. This has happened 4-6 times before this and normally after a good sleep my anxiety tones down a bit - -But since this is a little different and it started out without that anxiety, does that mean I am going crazy? Instead of thinking anyone is judging me I keep asking myself if I think these specific people at my work would judge me, idk why, once again that was cause OCD started to obsess on it now. But since I had this thought before OCD does it mean I’m going crazy? Or am I sane since I’m worrying so much about it?",1,stutter always insecure best friend friend friend made fun someone stutter aware stutter made realize easy make fun people behind back felt really bad night started cry got home cause made realize know real felt tho devalued flash today still bugging realized something people exclusively making fun people like making fun lot stutter people made fun stutter tic religion sexuality lisp appearance realized problem worry people make fun others show time real nice people never made content happy forgot part went business posted something reddit someone said similar experience lead going psychosis paranoid people talking badly made almost panic attack eating parent going psychotic one biggest fear ever since felt anxious took good 0 0 minute calm edge panic attack ever since shake thought different reason instead worrying judging worrying believe fear bad get bad feel like already psychotic even tho today one day feel like thought believe fact terrible depersonalization happened time normally good sleep anxiety tone bit since little different started without anxiety mean going crazy instead thinking anyone judging keep asking think specific people work would judge idk cause ocd started ob since thought ocd mean going crazy sane since worrying much -"Hello. - -I've not posted here before, but I've wanted to for a while. Always debating back and forth whether or not to do this but here it goes. - -I think I have some general anxiety, I cope decently well with it. Physical exercise, like running has really helped. My main problem is driving. I know how to drive, I have my license, but I never do. I'm terrified of it. I'm turning 28, I've maybe driven thirty times in my entire 10 years of owning a license. I don't know what it is. The idea of crashing? The traffic? I've gotten away with it so far, living in NYC, but it's something I want to do more of, I just never seem to be able to do so. Does anyone have any tips? Any advice they could recommend? Thank you.",1,hello posted wanted always debating back forth whether go think general anxiety cope decently well physical exercise like running really helped main problem driving know drive license never terrified turning maybe driven thirty time entire 0 year owning license know idea crashing traffic gotten away far living nyc something want never seem able anyone tip advice could recommend thank -" -For context the last years of my life has been filled with bad mistakes, regret, fear, anxiety attacks and existential crisis that have left me feeling numb and indifferent to people. I believe I’ve become emotionally unattached and this has created a fear in me that I may have lost the ability to fall in love or never was able to from the first place. Am I overthinking this or is there more to my struggles?",1,context last year life filled bad mistake regret fear anxiety attack existential crisis left feeling numb indifferent people believe become emotionally unattached created fear may lost ability fall love never able first place overthinking struggle -"Hey r/anxiety! I didn't know where to put this but figured it's mainly a side effect of my anxiety so i went with here. I'll just get into it, I'm a 19 yo male that's been diagnosed with anxiety and other disorders (mdd, odd, adhd, polysubstance addiction). This may sound weird, but I wanted to know if you guys recluse by choice? As someone who wants to have friends and a strong social aspect in life but just doesn't have the social skills to, I'm curious if you have a similar experience. - -Knowing that it's not a choice is probably the hardest part for me. Like, I see everyone out having fun spending the day with their friends and it destroys me inside knowing that I don't/won't ever have that. I live on the sidelines which makes me want to stay inside even more to avoid seeing that and feeling, so I sit in my room the whole day getting high. The only other place I go to is my job, which I can't even look up at eye level out of fear of accidently making eye contact with someone. I just feel like everyone's automatically put off by me, which then makes me act in a way that actually does put them off - -I just want someone to talk to that's not either my mom or my dad. I thought about it and realized that once my parents die, I will have nobody. Which at that point, what's my life worth?",1,hey r anxiety know put figured mainly side effect anxiety went get 9 yo male diagnosed anxiety disorder mdd odd adhd polysubstance addiction may sound weird wanted know guy recluse choice someone want friend strong social aspect life social skill curious similar experience knowing choice probably hardest part like see everyone fun spending day friend destroys inside knowing ever live sideline make want stay inside even avoid seeing feeling sit room whole day getting high place go job even look eye level fear accidently making eye contact someone feel like everyone automatically put make act way actually put want someone talk either mom dad thought realized parent die nobody point life worth -"Someone who I know also suffers from anxiety also told me that everything will be fine and those are words I sort of never am able to grasp, and I think he saw the look on my face that these words almost didn't make sense to me.",1,someone know also suffers anxiety also told everything fine word sort never able grasp think saw look face word almost make sense -So I went to the hospital yesterday after having an anxiety attack and I still do have anxiety as I’m typing this I was just wondering if the levels rise in the blood during stress my WBC count was at 12.70 and my Neutrophils count was at 9.1 I was just wondering if anxiety and stress brings them up I also deal with costochondritis so you can see why I have anxiety because my chest is always tight,1,went hospital yesterday anxiety attack still anxiety typing wondering level rise blood stress wbc count 0 neutrophil count 9 wondering anxiety stress brings also deal costochondritis see anxiety chest always tight -,1,nan -"Aripiprazole? - -For some background, I’m 14 and have diagnosed panic disorder, OCD and I’m getting an assessment for adhd. My psychiatrist also said I have a mood disorder, possibly MDD or bipolar(she hasn’t officially diagnosed me yet). - -I took zoloft for about 3 months, it made me incredibly restless, even more so than I was before. For 1 of those 3 months, I was taking aripiprazole on the side. I noticed zoloft was helping with my anxiety but not with my depression. - -My main concern is that I recently got taken off the zoloft because it wasn’t working. I expected to be prescribed a different antidepressant to try, but no. Now I’m solely taking aripiprazole. Do you guys have any experience with aripiprazole, I’m really scared to be taking it by itself as I was already going through a hard time where I didn’t have any energy, and aripiprazole makes me more tired which is usually balanced out by zoloft, but without zoloft I’m scared I’ll become a zombie. - -I’m also a bit concerned about long term side effects, does anyone know anything about those? - -Thank you in advance",1,aripiprazole background diagnosed panic disorder ocd getting assessment adhd psychiatrist also said mood disorder possibly mdd bipolar officially diagnosed yet took zoloft month made incredibly restless even month taking aripiprazole side noticed zoloft helping anxiety depression main concern recently got taken zoloft working expected prescribed different antidepressant try solely taking aripiprazole guy experience aripiprazole really scared taking already going hard time energy aripiprazole make tired usually balanced zoloft without zoloft scared become zombie also bit concerned long term side effect anyone know anything thank advance -"I'm feeling so anxious, my heart is beating fast and I'm shaking. I know my doctor is going to be OK, but it's been a long time since I've talked to a psychiatrist and now I am so worried that I am gonna forget to tell everything that's bothering me. I can't make eye contact because of my social anxiety, can't sit still, feel the need to move around the room. I'm gonna ask the doctor for some new and stronger meds because the ones I'm taking at the moment are not working as they should. I hope that it's going to okay.",1,feeling anxious heart beating fast shaking know doctor going ok long time since talked psychiatrist worried gon na forget tell everything bothering make eye contact social anxiety sit still feel need move around room gon na ask doctor new stronger med one taking moment working hope going okay -"I’ve been on venlafaxine for 6 years or so, it helped at first but it hasn’t helped whatsoever in quite some time. I take 150mg in the morning. The last month my anxiety and panic has been absolutely crippling, debilitating and unbearable. I called the Dr today and he called in a prescription to increase me from 150mg to 225mg. I hate taking any medication or pills whatsoever, especially increasing a dosage. Anyone had any good results from a venlafaxine increase after taking the same dosage for such a long time?",1,venlafaxine year helped first helped whatsoever quite time take 0mg morning last month anxiety panic absolutely crippling debilitating unbearable called dr today called prescription increase 0mg mg hate taking medication pill whatsoever especially increasing dosage anyone good result venlafaxine increase taking dosage long time -"So I am very fortunate that my husband has financially provided for us while I have been going to school and working on my mental health. I have one more year left and had to transfer for his job, and determined that I would get something part time, as well as finish my degree. I applied to a school district job and got called back for an interview! I’m beyond excited and of course, anxious. I’m trying not to pester those around me too much but my mind is reeling with all these thoughts, as well as worries for me going back to work. Mainly if I’ll be able to keep up to standard for a company, and if I’ll be able to communicate effectively in a professional environment as I have struggled with it in the past (this could also be effected by the fact I’m neurodivegent but I’m not entirely sure). The interview is Wednesday, I’m going to journal to help get my jitters out and thought I reach out to other anxious individuals who maybe had to deal with a similar transition. Also I haven’t established a new therapist yet, but that will be taken care of in the next few weeks, so I need to talk about this somewhere. - -TLDR: I’m really moving forward in my life which is exciting, but feel really anxious about it.",1,fortunate husband financially provided u going school working mental health one year left transfer job determined would get something part time well finish degree applied school district job got called back interview beyond excited course anxious trying pester around much mind reeling thought well worry going back work mainly able keep standard company able communicate effectively professional environment struggled past could also effected fact neurodivegent entirely sure interview wednesday going journal help get jitter thought reach anxious individual maybe deal similar transition also established new therapist yet taken care next week need talk somewhere tldr really moving forward life exciting feel really anxious -"I'm a very confident guy. I'm very socal and can speak to anyone. But for some reason I have this weird....like....I dunno.. anxiety attack? Thing? - -So basically I could be having a random chat but quite often if someone says something that could be deemed wrong or bad or something that I could potentually be hiding WHEN IM NOT, I go bright red, really hot, itchy and im all awkward and can bairly make words out. Even if they arnt even talking to me directly. Here is some examples: I was talking to a fellow work mate about our personal preferences in women, I said I prefer smaller petite girls with small boobs. And he said nahh i dissagree its like a child's body. And boom. My brain somehow has this attack that makes me seem like I like kids. Or another one, could be playing never have I ever, and someone says ""never have I ever sucked a cock"" and boom. It'll happen. Itll make it look like im hiding the fact that I've sucked a cock (which I havent) could be anything along those lines... and I hate it and I always try my hardest to avoid any convos which could lead to anything like that. I'm a prison officer so sometimes they bring up corrupt officers in convos and it hits me so hard and they look at me funny like im hiding the fact that I'm corrupt... which I'm not. I HATE IT! What is this and how can I fix it? :(",1,confident guy socal speak anyone reason weird like dunno anxiety attack thing basically could random chat quite often someone say something could deemed wrong bad something could potentually hiding im go bright red really hot itchy im awkward bairly make word even arnt even talking directly example talking fellow work mate personal preference woman said prefer smaller petite girl small boob said nahh dissagree like child body boom brain somehow attack make seem like like kid another one could playing never ever someone say never ever sucked cock boom happen itll make look like im hiding fact sucked cock havent could anything along line hate always try hardest avoid convos could lead anything like prison officer sometimes bring corrupt officer convos hit hard look funny like im hiding fact corrupt hate fix -"Panic disorder is one type of anxiety disorder. - -The main characteristic of panic disorder is the occurrence of panic attacks. A panic attack is a sudden onset of fear, even without an apparent cause. - -The physical symptoms of a panic attack, such as shortness of breath, racing heart, and chest [pain](https://www.healthgrades.com/right-care/symptoms-and-conditions/pain), can often [make people feel](https://familydoctor.org/condition/panic-disorder/) as though they are having a [heart attack](https://www.healthgrades.com/right-care/heart-attack/heart-attack). - -While most people will experience a panic attack at some point in their life, those with panic disorder experience them on a more regular basis. Panic attacks [can occur](https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/panic-disorder-when-fear-overwhelms) anywhere from several times per day to only a few times per year. The fear of the next panic attack can affect your daily life, and cause you to avoid places and situations where you had a panic attack before. - -Panic disorder often begins in the late teenage years or in early adulthood. People assigned female at birth are more likely to develop panic disorder than males. - -If you have had at least two panic attacks with no clear cause, followed by approximately 1 month of feeling fear that another attack may happen, contact your doctor.",1,panic disorder one type anxiety disorder main characteristic panic disorder occurrence panic attack panic attack sudden onset fear even without apparent cause physical symptom panic attack shortness breath racing heart chest pain http www healthgrades com right care symptom condition pain often make people feel http familydoctor org condition panic disorder though heart attack http www healthgrades com right care heart attack heart attack people experience panic attack point life panic disorder experience regular basis panic attack occur http www nimh nih gov health publication panic disorder fear overwhelms anywhere several time per day time per year fear next panic attack affect daily life cause avoid place situation panic attack panic disorder often begin late teenage year early adulthood people assigned female birth likely develop panic disorder male least two panic attack clear cause followed approximately month feeling fear another attack may happen contact doctor -"Ive definitely had a panic attack before but im not sure if the breakdowns I often get are panic attacks and if the one i know was one was just really extreme? (If that makes any sense) - -During the one I know was for sure a panic attack lasted for 2 hours and I couldnt stand up from shaking so much, felt like I was on the verge of throwing up/passing out, uncontrollably crying and hyperventilating, lots of shaking all over, huuge cold sweats, and then i think I had a big sense of an impending doom or like my world was completely broken without any hope? (I cant remember very well how I was feeling emotionally sorry) - -Is that how every attack feels or was that just an extreme one? -I frequently have breakdowns where I emotionally feel the worst dread for every second, like I cant cope at all anymore with my emotions (leading to suicidal thoughts), and like im completely unneeded or unloved by anyone and these come with painful crying + hyperventilating + a little shaking but I can still walk around/think ok so im not really sure what to call these breakdowns because emotionally theyre worse than a panic attack but physically im ok? - -Idk what to do about them though it makes me feel like a different person and idk if im slowly losing my sanity its scary haha - -What do you guys think? Ive only been experiencing intense anxiety (compared to how I was feeling before) for maybe 6 months now and idk if its normal or if Im really really not ok",1,ive definitely panic attack im sure breakdown often get panic attack one know one really extreme make sense one know sure panic attack lasted hour couldnt stand shaking much felt like verge throwing passing uncontrollably cry hyperventilating lot shaking huuge cold sweat think big sense impending doom like world completely broken without hope cant remember well feeling emotionally sorry every attack feel extreme one frequently breakdown emotionally feel worst dread every second like cant cope anymore emotion leading suicidal thought like im completely unneeded unloved anyone come painful cry hyperventilating little shaking still walk around think ok im really sure call breakdown emotionally theyre worse panic attack physically im ok idk though make feel like different person idk im slowly losing sanity scary haha guy think ive experiencing intense anxiety compared feeling maybe month idk normal im really really ok -"Does anybody else here get extreme anxiety and panic when you send a text to someone like asking a question or anything and they don’t reply back or iPhone users can see if they’ve read the text message. I literally spiral and I don’t know how to deal with it? Sometimes they reply to me and sometimes they don’t. And when they don’t, I automatically think I’m the problem or it has something to do with me basically.",1,anybody else get extreme anxiety panic send text someone like asking question anything reply back iphone user see read text message literally spiral know deal sometimes reply sometimes automatically think problem something basically -"I called my doctor and told them Buspirone wasn’t doing anything for my anxiety attacks, and they said they’d put in another prescription. I just picked it up and it’s called Hydralazine, but I can’t find anything online about it being used for anxiety, just hydrOXYzine. I had already taken it upon noticing this and now my anxiety is spiked.",1,called doctor told buspirone anything anxiety attack said put another prescription picked called hydralazine find anything online used anxiety hydroxyzine already taken upon noticing anxiety spiked -"I need help managing this. Idk what’s causing it. But you know when like you anticipate something happening and you get that sinking feeling in your stomach? It literally makes me feel terrible. It’s been happening since my toxic ex and I ended which was 3 years ago. I was on medication and stopped because it’s only gotten worse overtime. I don’t think it has anything to do with that. I’m sick of this feeling - -EDIT: I only don’t feel anxiety when I’m drunk. Which is weird considering a lot of people I know get heightened anxiety",1,need help managing idk causing know like anticipate something happening get sinking feeling stomach literally make feel terrible happening since toxic ex ended year ago medication stopped gotten worse overtime think anything sick feeling edit feel anxiety drunk weird considering lot people know get heightened anxiety -"Hi everyone, - -I faced my fear and flew from Vancouver to Calgary (1:03 flight time). It was a bumpy ride, but I took an Ativan before and didn’t feel too anxious. - -Now I woke up to news about the plane crash in China, and I’m super scared to get on my returning flight home :/ I feel so hopeless because I need to get home, but I’m so scared to fly :( - -Please re assure me",1,hi everyone faced fear flew vancouver calgary 0 flight time bumpy ride took ativan feel anxious woke news plane crash china super scared get returning flight home feel hopeless need get home scared fly please assure -"Hi all, - -21M. This past week was my spring break so I decided to take a trip to visit my best friend in LA who moved out here permanently. When she left for LA I was so sad but so happy for her to get out of the environment of our hometown. Neither her or I belong there. She took the step though and I feel as if I never can because I’m to empathetic for my own good. I could barely cope if I didn’t hear from my mom once and day and it’s exhausting I’m like this. - -On another note I’m having new anxieties as I leave tomorrow for my flight. I’m so nervous she hates me now and will never want to speak to me ever again. I didn’t realize how heartbroken I’d be leaving her again, it’s like I’m reliving her leave our hometown. What do i do?",1,hi past week spring break decided take trip visit best friend la moved permanently left la sad happy get environment hometown neither belong took step though feel never empathetic good could barely cope hear mom day exhausting like another note new anxiety leave tomorrow flight nervous hate never want speak ever realize heartbroken leaving like reliving leave hometown -"I’ve come to the conclusion that after years of therapy, meds and coping techniques and never fully recovering i must have an overactive or damaged nervous system! Has anyone else experienced this and if so do you have any tips on how to get started on healing it?",1,come conclusion year therapy med coping technique never fully recovering must overactive damaged nervous system anyone else experienced tip get started healing -"I’m starting a new job tomorrow and i’m extremely anxious about it. I’m excited to start this new chapter, but I just wish I didn’t feel so nauseous right now. I’ve come really far in overcoming my anxiety, but i’ve taken everything slowly, one baby step at a time. This is a huge step. The only job i’ve had in the past 4 years is instacarting (grocery shop & delivery) that I started 2 months ago. I did everything at my own pace, 2-3 days a week and maybe a few orders a day. This job i’m starting is 8 hour shifts, 4-5 times a week. I shouldn’t have set myself up for so much but I need to start working towards my career as a dog groomer and this bathing job is an incredible opportunity to do so. My living situation is changing soon in that I will need to bring money to the table so I didn’t have much of a choice. The worst part is I can’t actually bathe any dogs until i’ve learned from the other groomer how to do it, which will take time. So I worry that the day will go by really slowly because I won’t even be doing anything or getting paid until I am ready to start bathing, which I don’t know how long that will take. A friend of mine who works there (in the pet store, not in the grooming room) pulled a lot of strings for me with the boss as well. My entire family and boyfriends family know i’m starting tomorrow and are so happy to see me finally starting to do something meaningful. They’ve all had a problem with my not working for 4 years because of my anxiety. I just feel like not only for my sake but for everyone else’s sake I cannot screw this up. I feel like i’m throwing myself into the deep end and hoping I can swim.",1,starting new job tomorrow extremely anxious excited start new chapter wish feel nauseous right come really far overcoming anxiety taken everything slowly one baby step time huge step job past year instacarting grocery shop amp delivery started month ago everything pace day week maybe order day job starting hour shift time week set much need start working towards career dog groomer bathing job incredible opportunity living situation changing soon need bring money table much choice worst part actually bathe dog learned groomer take time worry day go really slowly even anything getting paid ready start bathing know long take friend mine work pet store grooming room pulled lot string bos well entire family boyfriend family know starting tomorrow happy see finally starting something meaningful problem working year anxiety feel like sake everyone else sake screw feel like throwing deep end hoping swim -"I'm tired of working with others. I like people I like meeting people some people are shitty some are amazing. I have anxiety and this week I don't feel like going into the office to work. I want to stay at home and not see anyone. I don't even work in a big building. I work in another city from the corporate office. There's only 4 other people who work in the office I do. I didn't want to see them or anyone today. 😕 - -This particular company is rough right now. It's a fairly new company only a few years old and maybe 100-150 employees. It's a toxic work place It's lots of strong personalities but no leaders. People resistant to change and some people who don't work. There's no leader no accountability. - -I would love work from home but not for another random company. I'd like to make my own small business. It sucks working for other people especially companies that don't care what happens as long as the work gets done.",1,tired working others like people like meeting people people shitty amazing anxiety week feel like going office work want stay home see anyone even work big building work another city corporate office people work office want see anyone today particular company rough right fairly new company year old maybe 00 0 employee toxic work place lot strong personality leader people resistant change people work leader accountability would love work home another random company like make small business suck working people especially company care happens long work get done -"A few years ago there was a pretty big hurricane that went straight through our city and I thought I wasn’t affected by it, until I started noticing that I get super anxious when it starts to rain really hard or there’s a lot of wind (I noticed this bc I used to love the rain and now i start to shake when it happens). Anyway I’m writing this because it’s currently pretty windy, maybe 35-40 mph. My anxiety is already spiking because of that, but I just checked the weather and saw that tornados were “possible” for the south, aka where I live. They kept saying “possible” not likely, not low, just possible. So now I’m terrified that the worst will happen. Our roof will blow off (something my mom said she was scared would happen during the hurricane and I’ve remember that moment ever since) our power will go out, a tornado WILL end up forming, etc. The gusts of wind alone are putting me on the verge of a panic attack, and this weather (wind, clouds, possible thunderstorms) is supposed to go on for most of the week. I feel like this is irrational, but like I said, I can’t help but feel my heartbeat go up every time I hear the wind.",1,year ago pretty big hurricane went straight city thought affected started noticing get super anxious start rain really hard lot wind noticed bc used love rain start shake happens anyway writing currently pretty windy maybe 0 mph anxiety already spiking checked weather saw tornado possible south aka live kept saying possible likely low possible terrified worst happen roof blow something mom said scared would happen hurricane remember moment ever since power go tornado end forming etc gust wind alone putting verge panic attack weather wind cloud possible thunderstorm supposed go week feel like irrational like said help feel heartbeat go every time hear wind -" -When you lay down to sleep and your head keep running thoughts which either gives you guilt or anxiety and you cannot stop and reach a state when you have to smack your head with heads which causes some pain but gives relax for sometime as now your brain focus on pain you have caused by smacking instead of running those stupid thoughts",1,lay sleep head keep running thought either give guilt anxiety stop reach state smack head head cause pain give relax sometime brain focus pain caused smacking instead running stupid thought -"I started this job five months ago and I was really anxious starting it, its my first job and now I am pretty comfortable there. My boss and manager really like me and have asked me to be a manager. This is exciting and everything, but the change horrifies me, my schedule is changing and I really like my current schedule and loosing that feels like I am loosing everything. The thing that scares me the most is they said I would need training at another location for 40 hours one week. Being part time this feels like I am loosing all my own time. I am scared of the responsibility and feel like I shouldn't have taken the job.",1,started job five month ago really anxious starting first job pretty comfortable bos manager really like asked manager exciting everything change horrifies schedule changing really like current schedule loosing feel like loosing everything thing scare said would need training another location 0 hour one week part time feel like loosing time scared responsibility feel like taken job -I need to go to some routine female doctor appointments. I am absolutely terrified. I haven’t gone to a doctor in years. I don’t even have a primary care doctor. I know I’m being irrational and stupid about it. I’m afraid that they’re going to tell me I’m dying or something. Does anyone else feel this way?,1,need go routine female doctor appointment absolutely terrified gone doctor year even primary care doctor know irrational stupid afraid going tell dying something anyone else feel way -"I know I am not the things my inner thought tell me I am. But damn its hard to shut off the voice that tells me I’m dumb, fat, will never succeed. It’s like my mind races telling me that I hate myself. At worst I can even go towards thoughts of death and pointlessness",1,know thing inner thought tell damn hard shut voice tell dumb fat never succeed like mind race telling hate worst even go towards thought death pointlessness -Every time I get out the house I start to panic and shake. My grandma just got into the hospital and I feel so overwhelmed by everything. I feel like the world is putting everything on my shoulders right now and every breath I cave in. It’s like I don’t have anyone to talk to about my problems like it doesn’t seem like anyone wants to hear me or listen to me. So why bother.. I just feel like I should just close down and shut myself in…,1,every time get house start panic shake grandma got hospital feel overwhelmed everything feel like world putting everything shoulder right every breath cave like anyone talk problem like seem like anyone want hear listen bother feel like close shut -"Please tell me if this isn't the sub for this. -I've been preparing an exam for a couple of months, but everytime i try to revise, it's like everything ive written down is wrong. So I go over the material again and find bits that i didn't catch the first time, and it's the same the next week. It happens so much that i end up going over the same 60-page text like ten times. -Even worse, when i go to my notes, i don't get them. I just recognize the words I'm using when i find the passage in the source i took the notes from. -I'm really tired and almost feel like i have some kind of brain problem. I assure you I'm not a ""perfectionist"": I'd be completely happy knowing only JUST enough to pass, but it seems like i never even get the basics right. -I'm assuming it's some sort of anxiety, because it can't be explained by being a slow learner (I've been pretty constant with my study schedule, just not assimilating anything). -I don't have any diagnosed learning disability (I've been to a psychologist a couple of years ago and she said so when i asked her) so it can't be that either. -Has anybody got a similar experience? Did you manage to get through it? I'd appreciate any help.",1,please tell sub preparing exam couple month everytime try revise like everything ive written wrong go material find bit catch first time next week happens much end going 0 page text like ten time even worse go note get recognize word using find passage source took note really tired almost feel like kind brain problem assure perfectionist completely happy knowing enough pas seems like never even get basic right assuming sort anxiety explained slow learner pretty constant study schedule assimilating anything diagnosed learning disability psychologist couple year ago said asked either anybody got similar experience manage get appreciate help -"I’ve been off work for a week due to a neck injury. I hate missing work, I feel major guilt that others are working harder for my not being there. I also have issues believing that coworkers/boss will think that I’m lying. I don’t know why I think this… - - I had a doctors note for the first week off and my boss responded with - “I can’t keep covering your shifts. I’m having to pick up all the slack” -I explained it was out of my control and I was sorry for the extra work put on them. -Cut to now, a week later -I thought I would be ok by now to go back in to work but I’m still not well enough (I have a physical job and neck nerve compression is making those movements difficult.) -Instead of just saying I wasn’t ok to come back yet, I said a small lie, exaggerating why I wasn’t able to work. I said I had to go to emergency, they checked me out and I’m ok. - -It instantly made my anxiety go from a 10 to a 4. Knowing the response back couldn’t be as aggressive as the first I got from my boss. - -I feel bad for lying. I shouldn’t have to lie, I’m actually injured. But it made my anxiety much better. -Is it ok to tell a small lie if it doesn’t hurt anyone and it makes you feel better?",1,work week due neck injury hate missing work feel major guilt others working harder also issue believing coworkers bos think lying know think doctor note first week bos responded keep covering shift pick slack explained control sorry extra work put cut week later thought would ok go back work still well enough physical job neck nerve compression making movement difficult instead saying ok come back yet said small lie exaggerating able work said go emergency checked ok instantly made anxiety go 0 knowing response back aggressive first got bos feel bad lying lie actually injured made anxiety much better ok tell small lie hurt anyone make feel better -,1,nan -"I just doubt and am insecure about everything. Specifically my emotions, as well as my time management and productivity - -For example, I will feel tired then I’ll think “am I actually tired?” “What does tired even feel like?” “Am I just imagining and making this up?” - -I do this with every emotion, including happiness and excitement. It’s ruined how I feel emotions, I don’t feel any of them anymore because I doubt them so much. I just feel numb - -How can I start feeling emotions normally again and stop doubting them?",1,doubt insecure everything specifically emotion well time management productivity example feel tired think actually tired tired even feel like imagining making every emotion including happiness excitement ruined feel emotion feel anymore doubt much feel numb start feeling emotion normally stop doubting -"I met with my new psychiatrist today and she was super nice and honestly so much better than the last one, I'm happy I have her now and I like her a lot I just forgot to ask her about the new medications I'm taking. So I already take Wellbutrin and Remeron, I was taking hydroxyzine but she just changed that out for Propranolol which really isn't the one I'm nervous for. I'm nervous because she prescribed me Viibrid, I'm working my way up to 20mg, I wouldn't be nervous about it if I wasn't on remeron which I take 15mg and it's really only to sleep and that's it, it doesn't do anything else. The thing is I know both of these drugs can increase serotonin and I'm terrified of serotonin syndrome especially since I'm going to be going away from my house for a little while, I called the pharmacy to ask about the interaction and they said at the dosages I'm at is a very low change but I'm still a bit scared, has anyone taken these medications together and been okay? Or does anyone know if I will be okay if I do take them together?",1,met new psychiatrist today super nice honestly much better last one happy like lot forgot ask new medication taking already take wellbutrin remeron taking hydroxyzine changed propranolol really one nervous nervous prescribed viibrid working way 0mg nervous remeron take mg really sleep anything else thing know drug increase serotonin terrified serotonin syndrome especially since going going away house little called pharmacy ask interaction said dosage low change still bit scared anyone taken medication together okay anyone know okay take together -"I hate how my body reacts to anxiety by... making me ill. This last year has been horrible for me because of it. I'd say most of the time, it's manageable, but it's still so exhausting on an emotional and physical level. - -Usually it's the standard nausea, puking, headache, whatever, but this last three weeks I've had a faux cold. As in, I don't actually have a cold. During the parts of the day I'm stressed out, I have horrible symptoms, but when I'm home after school or on the weekend [or if i skip because of anxiety] ... said cold goes away. - -Which is so bizarre to me because I've had the extreme nausea, diarrhea, etc. that comes with anxiety, but never... sinus related. I mean I end up having a terribly runny nose or having hot flashes, to... nothing when I'm able to get away from stress. The other day I literally had symptoms of an ear infection. - -Supposedly, stress worsens your immune system and I already have allergies, so this is probably how that's happening, but it's just awful. I want to lay down and rest for a few days as if it was a real cold, but I don't need it. Of course I need to figure out how to settle the emotional stress somehow but I think it's just me being anxious because it's end of the grading session. - -Typing this out gave me a headache lmao. I hate all of this.",1,hate body reacts anxiety making ill last year horrible say time manageable still exhausting emotional physical level usually standard nausea puking headache whatever last three week faux cold actually cold part day stressed horrible symptom home school weekend skip anxiety said cold go away bizarre extreme nausea diarrhea etc come anxiety never sinus related mean end terribly runny nose hot flash nothing able get away stress day literally symptom ear infection supposedly stress worsens immune system already allergy probably happening awful want lay rest day real cold need course need figure settle emotional stress somehow think anxious end grading session typing gave headache lmao hate -I’m going into surgery in less than 12 hours and it’s really starting to sink in. I already have pretty bad medical anxiety from past childhood trauma (I was a cancer kid). I’ve been stress cleaning all day and keeping myself distracted but it just kinda hit me that when I wake up I will be going in. Like there’s not more time left between and my anxiety is building rapidly. Some advice or encouragement would be appreciated 🥺,1,going surgery le hour really starting sink already pretty bad medical anxiety past childhood trauma cancer kid stress cleaning day keeping distracted kinda hit wake going like time left anxiety building rapidly advice encouragement would appreciated -"But it’s hard when your heart randomly starts beating out of your chest all the time and your stomach feels fluttery and you can’t sleep or if you do fall asleep you wake up panicking, FOR NO APPARENT REASON",1,hard heart randomly start beating chest time stomach feel fluttery sleep fall asleep wake panicking apparent reason -"I guess I just need to vent but I also feel really guilty about all this. - -For context, we’re on vacation and today we went to find one of the stops which was one of the national parks. On the way there I had a panic attack but I’m not too sure why. I think it’s possible that it was because my mom was driving too fast but that seems dumb since I’m used to it by now. Anyways my panic attacks are basically just me crying and zoning out with quick breathing. On the way to the park I had the panic attack and after we finished the tour I told my mom how embarrassed I felt about it and she said not to worry about it and that it’s no big deal. - -Well a few hours later I got hungry and we went to get mcdonalds but I had another panic attack on the way back to the hotel. This time, my mom got really mad at me and said “you know if you can’t handle going on vacation and stress out this easily then you should just stay home.” I felt really bad about it but I didn’t apologize because I just feel like she will get more angry. Now she’s giving me the silent treatment and neither one of us even ate the food we bought. - -I feel so awful because I feel like I had those two panic attacks over something so stupid and ruined the vacation.",1,guess need vent also feel really guilty context vacation today went find one stop one national park way panic attack sure think possible mom driving fast seems dumb since used anyways panic attack basically cry zoning quick breathing way park panic attack finished tour told mom embarrassed felt said worry big deal well hour later got hungry went get mcdonalds another panic attack way back hotel time mom got really mad said know handle going vacation stress easily stay home felt really bad apologize feel like get angry giving silent treatment neither one u even ate food bought feel awful feel like two panic attack something stupid ruined vacation -"Hi all. Going through a break up and the anxiety is so overwhelming right now to the point where I can’t even think about food without getting nauseous. - -I know I can’t sustain myself this way, but I just don’t feel like I can get any food down. I was thinking I might just get some high cal protein shakes or something? Has anyone found a better solution to getting food in? Thanks.",1,hi going break anxiety overwhelming right point even think food without getting nauseous know sustain way feel like get food thinking might get high cal protein shake something anyone found better solution getting food thanks -"So whether it is my phone or a phone from some youtube video it does not matter, whenever I hear a phone ring that has that weird vibration sound or when alarm clock vibrates it really gets me feeling uneasy to the point that it bothers me very very much, do any of you know what it may be?",1,whether phone phone youtube video matter whenever hear phone ring weird vibration sound alarm clock vibrates really get feeling uneasy point bother much know may -"I don't eat junk, drink only water and tea, don't eat dairy and even tried stopping with gluten. Not taking any meds.",1,eat junk drink water tea eat dairy even tried stopping gluten taking med -"I (M18) don’t know how to explain it, but any affection makes me genuinely sick to my stomach. It’s weird because I’m a loving person, I try to be kind to everyone and help as much as I can (maybe sometimes a little too much), Even with the smallest things I try to come through and help because something inside me genuinely just says I should do it. I can never respond correctly to any compliment and always try to find a way move around it, or I just quickly think of a way to compliment them back so it doesn’t feel one sided (is that weird?) the only time I don’t feel a way about it is when my Mom, Dad, or Sister compliment me. I try to interact with people, but feel like they genuinely don’t care about what I have to say, and a lot of the time I don’t know if it’s in my head or if it’s true. When I get invited to meets I want to say something but never do and kind of just stay there silent listening. A lot of the time I feel like I make my friends super uncomfortable too, I can only come up with so much to say and usually just hope there’s is more than one person there. When I do talk I never know what to say or stumble over my words, figuring out how to say it to the point where they interrupt me to conclude the conversation or move on. Don’t get me started with romantic stuff. Every time I think about being in a relationship I genuinely want to vomit, I feel so sick my stomach hurts. It’s also terrible because I really want to be in one, someone to have loving bond with, a two sided support system, ups and downs, all that good stuff. Sometimes I imagine it too, but when I do I physically get so ill like I’m gonna throw up. Kinda feel like I’m rambling but I don’t understand what all this is. - -TLDR: Simple affection makes me feel sick or uncomfortable, even though I’m a person who loves to make others feel great and do my best to help them all.",1,know explain affection make genuinely sick stomach weird loving person try kind everyone help much maybe sometimes little much even smallest thing try come help something inside genuinely say never respond correctly compliment always try find way move around quickly think way compliment back feel one sided weird time feel way mom dad sister compliment try interact people feel like genuinely care say lot time know head true get invited meet want say something never kind stay silent listening lot time feel like make friend super uncomfortable come much say usually hope one person talk never know say stumble word figuring say point interrupt conclude conversation move get started romantic stuff every time think relationship genuinely want vomit feel sick stomach hurt also terrible really want one someone loving bond two sided support system ups down good stuff sometimes imagine physically get ill like gon na throw kinda feel like rambling understand tldr simple affection make feel sick uncomfortable even though person love make others feel great best help -"Ah, well, today was my first day at university. It was okay, kinda. I had fun with the friends I had, but there was also a lot of stuff that made me feel small and pathetic. -First of all, a friend and I got to the wrong building and went up four floors using the stairs, we had to go down and do so again with the right one. It's embarrassing to admit, but I'm not exactly an active person, so it left me exhausted and kinda dizzy. I felt pathetic and wished no one was there to see me like that. -I got together with my group of friends after that, and to be honest, I'm irritated at myself for not talking more. It made me feel kind of excluded (even though I know that wasn't the fault of my friends). -After that, I got lost when I had to go back in train, because someone in my family said they were gonna give me a ride, but didn't give me the right directions, got blasted on phone for being late and when I got home, I felt really awful. I hate causing others inconveniences, and I felt like I totally did. -When I was eating a bit once I got back, I noticed something strange in my mouth, and whaddya know, the gum behind the third molar is swollen, but doesn't hurt. My brain went into overdrive and now assumes it's my wisdom tooth, even when this has happened before and it was nothing. -I'm tired.",1,ah well today first day university okay kinda fun friend also lot stuff made feel small pathetic first friend got wrong building went four floor using stair go right one embarrassing admit exactly active person left exhausted kinda dizzy felt pathetic wished one see like got together group friend honest irritated talking made feel kind excluded even though know fault friend got lost go back train someone family said gon na give ride give right direction got blasted phone late got home felt really awful hate causing others inconvenience felt like totally eating bit got back noticed something strange mouth whaddya know gum behind third molar swollen hurt brain went overdrive assumes wisdom tooth even happened nothing tired -,1,nan -"I am not sure if this is possible and I appreciate any information. - -A few years ago, I was diagnosed with clinical anxiety, depression and ADHD. I was relieved and terrified and so sad it took me until adulthood to learn this about myself. I began medicating under the direction of my psychiatrist; after about a year I changed from Zoloft to Prozac due to weight gain. - -I began experiencing night sweats for the first time in my life about 18 months ago. It was sporadic for 6 months or so, than became nightly. Now it has worsened to the point that I wake up multiple times a night to change sheets and pajamas. I’m not wetting the bed, but truly soaking it through with my sweat. In a 68 degree room with minimal blankets. I’ve had to replace plastic bed protectors, mattress covers and even my mattress. - -I believe I am having panic attacks while I am asleep and I am unable to remember them (assuming I would remember having a nightmare at the same time, or be semi-lucid). What could paralyze me in sleep, while having normal pleasant dreams, and cause excessive night sweats? - -My change in medication did not correlate with the onset or increase in the night sweats. I have had blood tests, MRIs, pulmonary exams, allergy tests, ultra sounds and more. No western doctor or my psychiatrist has been able to find anything unusual that would explain the night sweats. - -TL;DR - extreme night sweats begin in adulthood with no obvious cause; desperately looking for advice on what might help. - -Edit: 29 (F)",1,sure possible appreciate information year ago diagnosed clinical anxiety depression adhd relieved terrified sad took adulthood learn began medicating direction psychiatrist year changed zoloft prozac due weight gain began experiencing night sweat first time life month ago sporadic month became nightly worsened point wake multiple time night change sheet pajama wetting bed truly soaking sweat degree room minimal blanket replace plastic bed protector mattress cover even mattress believe panic attack asleep unable remember assuming would remember nightmare time semi lucid could paralyze sleep normal pleasant dream cause excessive night sweat change medication correlate onset increase night sweat blood test mri pulmonary exam allergy test ultra sound western doctor psychiatrist able find anything unusual would explain night sweat tl dr extreme night sweat begin adulthood obvious cause desperately looking advice might help edit 9 f -"Older people tend to treat young people with anxiety like it's just a new trend and not a serious disorder affecting our daily lives constantly. - -Trust me, I wish I didn't have to demand WFH indefinitely because I've been almost exclusively working from home for two years and it fucked me up, anxiety-wise. I wish you understood how me not really talking to anyone once I'm in the office or opting out of group activities isn't about being a bitch. It's because one interaction can mess with my brain for hours, and for days if I deemed it ""wrong"" in any way. It's because I know I'll have to be buzzed on pills the entire time just to have a somewhat decent time. - -I wish I wasn't like this just as much as you wish Gen Y and/or Z wouldn't complain about anxiety ruining their lives - to be lazy and avoid working as hard as you do or whatever you think it means. I wish I didn't experience this incapacitating and invisible disorder every single day of my life.",1,older people tend treat young people anxiety like new trend serious disorder affecting daily life constantly trust wish demand wfh indefinitely almost exclusively working home two year fucked anxiety wise wish understood really talking anyone office opting group activity bitch one interaction mess brain hour day deemed wrong way know buzzed pill entire time somewhat decent time wish like much wish gen z complain anxiety ruining life lazy avoid working hard whatever think mean wish experience incapacitating invisible disorder every single day life -"So usually night time is the one time of day where I feel almost entirely anxiety-free but over the last month or so, I've been having very strong anxiety when going to bed. And not in an ""overthinking"" kind of way. My irrational, childish fears about demons and monsters have been crawling back in my mind for the first time in years and I have absolutely no idea why. I can't stop thinking of horrible scenarios that have to do with freaky things in general, and I feel mentally attacked by negativity that I haven't really felt before. I'm certain it's just a phase but I'm still curious if anyone might have an idea to any simple psychological factors or causes. I don't watch horror films, I don't take any anxiety inducing medication, I've had no recent trauma or past trauma that hasn't been dealt with, and I have been trying and succeeding at not worrying too much about what's going on in the world.",1,usually night time one time day feel almost entirely anxiety free last month strong anxiety going bed overthinking kind way irrational childish fear demon monster crawling back mind first time year absolutely idea stop thinking horrible scenario freaky thing general feel mentally attacked negativity really felt certain phase still curious anyone might idea simple psychological factor cause watch horror film take anxiety inducing medication recent trauma past trauma dealt trying succeeding worrying much going world -"Thick fog of dread in the front of my head that disconnects me from my interests, appetites and ability to feel anything remotely close to Ok. And it’s there 24/7. - -TF is this???",1,thick fog dread front head disconnect interest appetite ability feel anything remotely close ok tf -I have suffered with shortness of breath due to anxiety ever since I was diagnosed with GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) about 6 years ago. Does anyone else have this? It just feels like I will stop breathing. Does anyone have any coping mechanisms around this as it’s really horrible. As well as shortness of breath I also feel shaky and tingly and I have no idea how to calm down when I have these episodes.,1,suffered shortness breath due anxiety ever since diagnosed gad generalized anxiety disorder year ago anyone else feel like stop breathing anyone coping mechanism around really horrible well shortness breath also feel shaky tingly idea calm episode -Anyone else feels this or is it just me?,1,anyone else feel -Was feeling fine today and I smoked a cig (I know I know) and I couldn’t remember if I washed my hands before or after touching something like greasy? Like earlier I remember wiping some WD40 off my hands lol... just a bit. I think I’m good but overthinking? Was fine otherwise lol sorry,1,feeling fine today smoked cig know know remember washed hand touching something like greasy like earlier remember wiping wd 0 hand lol bit think good overthinking fine otherwise lol sorry -"I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety for about 3 years now. And as far as I can remember, I’ve never had a full on panic attack before or after my diagnosis. - - -For a few days now, I’ve been having random panic attacks multiple times every day. I start to tremble and I get major butterflies in my stomach. I also can’t breathe dry easily and start to sweat a lot. What’s weird though, is that I can think perfectly fine, and I can keep doing whatever I’m doing while all this happens. - - -I can’t pin point anything specific that is going on in my life that could be causing this. Nothing that makes me anxious is happening right now. I’ve never learned any proper coping mechanisms to combat this kind of thing either. - - -I’m not sure what to do.",1,diagnosed anxiety year far remember never full panic attack diagnosis day random panic attack multiple time every day start tremble get major butterfly stomach also breathe dry easily start sweat lot weird though think perfectly fine keep whatever happens pin point anything specific going life could causing nothing make anxious happening right never learned proper coping mechanism combat kind thing either sure -"I always dealt with anxiety growing up, primarily social anxiety, however it never bothered me much and i learned to control it. However about a week ago, i woke up in the middle of the night shaking with a pounding heart. I shrugged it off and went to sleep. Within a few days later, i was starting to fall asleep when my body jolted and i had a panic attack. It took me about 20 minutes to get over then i went to work without sleeping. Within a short time at work, i felt sickly. Nausea, chills, fatigue, many symptoms all at once. I rushed home and the symptoms didnt leave for 2 days. A week has gone by and i am still expierencing some sickly symptoms, but the worst part is the anxiety. Everyday, atleast twice, my mind freaks out. I cannot sleep well, my heart has been beating rapidly, etc. i went to a counselor, it has not helped. Medicine calms me but the sickly feeling doesn’t go away. I do not enjoy work outs anymore, loss of appetite, i cannot be alone as much bc my mind flips out. I have never felt so uncomfortable , sick, and weak in my life. I am usually a closed book but i am open to anything now. This is the most miserable i have been in my life as dramatic as that sounds.",1,always dealt anxiety growing primarily social anxiety however never bothered much learned control however week ago woke middle night shaking pounding heart shrugged went sleep within day later starting fall asleep body jolted panic attack took 0 minute get went work without sleeping within short time work felt sickly nausea chill fatigue many symptom rushed home symptom didnt leave day week gone still expierencing sickly symptom worst part anxiety everyday atleast twice mind freak sleep well heart beating rapidly etc went counselor helped medicine calm sickly feeling go away enjoy work out anymore loss appetite alone much bc mind flip never felt uncomfortable sick weak life usually closed book open anything miserable life dramatic sound -"I ran out of Ativan, and have been waiting for my refill. I also didn’t understand the dangers of taking it until now. I can’t really remember how long of a period I was taking it. I’ve been prescribed 0.5 which I take 2 of them every night to fall asleep. I am sure I have had breaks because once my prescription runs out, I normally take some herbal stuff. -My question is I am 2 days without Ativan? Do I just quit cold turkey or keep taking it? -Goal is not to be taking Ativan anymore.",1,ran ativan waiting refill also understand danger taking really remember long period taking prescribed 0 take every night fall asleep sure break prescription run normally take herbal stuff question day without ativan quit cold turkey keep taking goal taking ativan anymore -"I need someone to calm me down. I have a stutter and a couple days ago my best friends friend was making fun of somebody with a stutter cause he’s not aware I have one. Ever since then I realized how easy it is for people to talk behind people’s backs. Ever since then I’ve wondered if anyone makes fun of behind my back and I’ve been taking individual people asking myself “do I think they’d make fun of me?”. On one of my posts regarding this someone said they went through this and ended up getting psychosis and paranoia. That’s one of my biggest fears and as I read that I almost had a panic attack and that was like 30 minutes ago and I still have that panic attack feeling and my vision feels very messed up and fuzzy like how a panic attack would be - -I’m terrified this means I’m going crazy and I can’t shake this feeling. Now that I’m scared it means I’m going crazy I’m thinking about it more. I know anyone can be made fun of and I’m no different. Am I going crazy? I didn’t have any OCD fears as this thought popped up, it’s only now since someone commented that and I’m so freaked out. Can anyone help?",1,need someone calm stutter couple day ago best friend friend making fun somebody stutter cause aware one ever since realized easy people talk behind people back ever since wondered anyone make fun behind back taking individual people asking think make fun one post regarding someone said went ended getting psychosis paranoia one biggest fear read almost panic attack like 0 minute ago still panic attack feeling vision feel messed fuzzy like panic attack would terrified mean going crazy shake feeling scared mean going crazy thinking know anyone made fun different going crazy ocd fear thought popped since someone commented freaked anyone help -Feel anxious when I dont follow my routine exactly. For example I usually do the same tasks at work but do know how to do other tasks. (Non are hard and takes a few days to learn). But however whenever I deviate from what I normally do I feel anxious that something bad will happen. It doesnt make sense because I have done it before and have experience but still feel scared...,1,feel anxious dont follow routine exactly example usually task work know task non hard take day learn however whenever deviate normally feel anxious something bad happen doesnt make sense done experience still feel scared -"I’ve only known my boyfriend for 3 months, official for 2. He has briefly opened up about having anxiety. All I know is that he has previously been medicated for it but not currently. Today after I left his place he messaged to apologise incase he came off odd, he was feeling anxious for no particular reason and that it just happens sometimes. I told him not to worry about it. Now just before I go to sleep I messaged him to see how he was. He seemed fine initially but when I asked he stopping answering so regularly. I’m not sure if asking him was the right thing to do? I want to make it known that I care and that I’m thinking of him but I’m not sure if that makes it worse? I have never known how to help friends with anxiety either, since it seems to be so rooted in not being able to talk about it.",1,known boyfriend month official briefly opened anxiety know previously medicated currently today left place messaged apologise incase came odd feeling anxious particular reason happens sometimes told worry go sleep messaged see seemed fine initially asked stopping answering regularly sure asking right thing want make known care thinking sure make worse never known help friend anxiety either since seems rooted able talk -"for about a week now i've been experiencing extreme anxiety and panic, restlessness, a need to move my legs, etc. it's been waking me up in the middle of the night or its hard for me to fall asleep bc the sensation is just so uncomfortable. i also feel wired and like i have all of this insane amount of energy. i have no pain and my heart beat honestly seems pretty normal, maybe slightly elevated at times. however, i keep getting this weird, uncomfy, fluttering, tingling sensation in the middle of my chest that will not go away, it is so hard to describe. a little bit of butterflies in my stomach as well as slight nausea. i notice with some CBD i can calm down and feel alright, but i don't know if anyone else experiences this? it almost feels like my body is actively fighting a panic attack for days on end. - - -i've been to the dr. like 3 times in the past 2 months and have had tons of blood work done and had low vitamin D and low Iron but i've been on supplements now and have been feeling better. there was no other concerns from my Dr. so i don't know if this is health anxiety or from something like GERD? - - -i just fear i'm either crazy or i'm dying or it's both 😀",1,week experiencing extreme anxiety panic restlessness need move leg etc waking middle night hard fall asleep bc sensation uncomfortable also feel wired like insane amount energy pain heart beat honestly seems pretty normal maybe slightly elevated time however keep getting weird uncomfy fluttering tingling sensation middle chest go away hard describe little bit butterfly stomach well slight nausea notice cbd calm feel alright know anyone else experience almost feel like body actively fighting panic attack day end dr like time past month ton blood work done low vitamin low iron supplement feeling better concern dr know health anxiety something like gerd fear either crazy dying -"Hey guys. I’m a 17 year old male who just recently (give or take 10 days ago) quit vaping and ever since about 3 days after quitting I’ve been having this uncontrollable illness anxiety constantly every day thinking I might have some sort of terminal physical disease. I have no idea what has been bringing this on. I quit vaping to get rid of any anxieties it may have been causing me before (such as paranoia thinking every car behind me while I’m driving was a cop) or the like. Doctor prescribed me a 5mg, 2x/day dose of Buspirone and it seems to help but I’ve also been avoiding it during the day because I’m afraid it might make me dizzy while I’m doing certain activities. Last night, out of nowhere, I got really lightheaded/dizzy/vertigo and it scared me thinking if I tried to sleep it off it might be the end for me. I stayed up most of the night with severe tremors because that’s what my body does when it panics. My question overall is, do you all think it’s due to the nicotine withdrawals and that it’ll get better over time? I seriously don’t know if I can live like this.",1,hey guy year old male recently give take 0 day ago quit vaping ever since day quitting uncontrollable illness anxiety constantly every day thinking might sort terminal physical disease idea bringing quit vaping get rid anxiety may causing paranoia thinking every car behind driving cop like doctor prescribed mg x day dose buspirone seems help also avoiding day afraid might make dizzy certain activity last night nowhere got really lightheaded dizzy vertigo scared thinking tried sleep might end stayed night severe tremor body panic question overall think due nicotine withdrawal get better time seriously know live like -I'm starting to feel afraid that my husband is trying to sneak stuff into my food. I was feeling this way then he finished making food for tonight and I told him I wasn't hungry but he kept pressuring me to eat which made me feel even worse. I ate some of the food because everyone got food from the same container so I felt like it would be ok. I don't believe that he would do this but I also don't believe he wouldn't. I feel sick to my stomach with anxiety.,1,starting feel afraid husband trying sneak stuff food feeling way finished making food tonight told hungry kept pressuring eat made feel even worse ate food everyone got food container felt like would ok believe would also believe feel sick stomach anxiety -"After a little trip to the ER the doctor there gave me a weeks worth of Ativan to help with panic attacks. My doctor now wants me to take Klonopin instead. - -I don’t want to be dependent on either of these two but I used ativan every night for 9 nights to calm down from a panic attack, is it dangerous to switch from Ativan 1mg to Klonopin 0.5 mg? - -Just worried about the stuff I read on seizures. And my hands cramp a little after I take Ativan 🥺",1,little trip er doctor gave week worth ativan help panic attack doctor want take klonopin instead want dependent either two used ativan every night 9 night calm panic attack dangerous switch ativan mg klonopin 0 mg worried stuff read seizure hand cramp little take ativan -Somebody please give me some kind words waiting for my clonezapam to kick in,1,somebody please give kind word waiting clonezapam kick -,1,nan -my stomach is hurting all day from anxiety I have constipation what can I do to help this breathing is hard and it feels tight so I can’t even breath properly no matter what so trying to breath properly wouldn’t help because it feels impossible when my stomach and chest feel tight.,1,stomach hurting day anxiety constipation help breathing hard feel tight even breath properly matter trying breath properly help feel impossible stomach chest feel tight -"I am male and 24 getting my dream education right now and will be working with young people that can't live with their parents for a multitude of reasons anymore in 2 years. After years of being aimless I found that to be my dream job. I am together with a nice girl and we have great chemistry. I am living in my own flat and my grades and praxis are/is going great. I got professional help after a major mental breakdown I had 5 years ago that made me live like a plant and got over severe depression and constant panic attacks. Panic attacks are rare and I know my triggers and how to deal with them. I am confident in myself and got to reflect on my messed up childhood and problematic personality traits. - -A couple of weeks ago I started feeling really anxious tho. By far more than usual. I am afraid of dying for stupid bodily reasons and I am always so tense and have aches in my stomach and neck and my heart beats really fast from time to time. And I am afraid my girlfriend will leave me. That's what I am most anxious about. She is really good for me and she told me that I am good for her. But lately she acts distant (while still showing me affection in ways) because she isn't doing that good aswell. There are reasons for her to feel bad besides me but I am afraid that I might be a big reason because she was confronted with a lot of my anxiety related issues. Logically I would say she won't leave me because gave me thoughtful presents and still cares for me by reminding me to eat and she sometimes says she misses me. But she behaves so distant and it's triggering me so hard because of a toxic relationship I was in. I decided not to talk about my anxiety anymore because I don't want to lay that upon her. And I told her about my abandonment issues once and will leave it at that because I don't want her to feel bad everytime she behaves distant because of her own issues that would be selfish. Hell she even told me she won't stop loving me even if she cant express it but my anxiety is still there. -The worst thing is that she doesn't want to speak about what's bothering her because she doesn't want to think about it which makes me feel like it's me. And then I feel like an asshole because I am not the center of the world. - -So yeah long story short - my abandonment issues are the worst thing right now. I decided not to bother her with it because it's not fair but I don't know how to deal with it. Oh and those issues wouldn't be so bad if I weren't so anxious in general. The general anxiety came with the practical part of my education but I don't know why because I am doing good. I will be done with that in 3 weeks and that's when I will meet her again and I hope that everything will be okay by then but I am afraid that I will be sabotaging myself before then by ruining my relationship just so that the anxiety goes away.",1,male getting dream education right working young people live parent multitude reason anymore year year aimless found dream job together nice girl great chemistry living flat grade praxis going great got professional help major mental breakdown year ago made live like plant got severe depression constant panic attack panic attack rare know trigger deal confident got reflect messed childhood problematic personality trait couple week ago started feeling really anxious tho far usual afraid dying stupid bodily reason always tense ache stomach neck heart beat really fast time time afraid girlfriend leave anxious really good told good lately act distant still showing affection way good aswell reason feel bad besides afraid might big reason confronted lot anxiety related issue logically would say leave gave thoughtful present still care reminding eat sometimes say miss behaves distant triggering hard toxic relationship decided talk anxiety anymore want lay upon told abandonment issue leave want feel bad everytime behaves distant issue would selfish hell even told stop loving even cant express anxiety still worst thing want speak bothering want think make feel like feel like asshole center world yeah long story short abandonment issue worst thing right decided bother fair know deal oh issue bad anxious general general anxiety came practical part education know good done week meet hope everything okay afraid sabotaging ruining relationship anxiety go away -"When I got my diagnosis of Generalized Anxiety Disorder I was very optimistic and relieved. I had been living with this condition for many years completely unaware. The diagnosis was a spark of hope. Perhaps one day I'd be able to recover with the proper combination of therapy and medication. - -Years later now. I must admit I feel exhausted with life. It's really depressing to live with the knowledge that I have to be constantly alert to my condition or it will spiral and get worse. Yes, treatment can help, but needing to continually use CBT, meditation, grounding techniques, etc, just to do the things normal people do without difficulty is infuriating. - -I feel like this isn't nearly talked about enough in mental health circles. Anxiety and depression are portrayed, often, as conditions which can be fixed with the right cocktail, and not also sometimes a life long condition which can exhaust not only you but your loved ones. - -I don't know. Just feeling bitter today. 😕",1,got diagnosis generalized anxiety disorder optimistic relieved living condition many year completely unaware diagnosis spark hope perhaps one day able recover proper combination therapy medication year later must admit feel exhausted life really depressing live knowledge constantly alert condition spiral get worse yes treatment help needing continually use cbt meditation grounding technique etc thing normal people without difficulty infuriating feel like nearly talked enough mental health circle anxiety depression portrayed often condition fixed right cocktail also sometimes life long condition exhaust loved one know feeling bitter today -,1,nan -"I've been having these the entire day but I had sore throat since yesterday, anybody else know what it is?",1,entire day sore throat since yesterday anybody else know -"Over the past couple months I have been suffering a lot with my anxiety. I am in an environment where I am surrounded by people who dont care for me, are blantantly rude and fake, and pressure me beyond belief. I am exhausted and want to be happy. I'm not saying for a second that I am perfect and nice all the time im a know-it-all, socially awkward, lack of an ability to stand up for myself. But I miss being around the few people that love me and share my interests. While I am around bad people, I am in a place where I am in a place surrounded by things I love. I cant miss out on this. I need to grow and be more confident. I can live an adventurous life alone. I dont need company. I dont need a boyfriend and I don't need friends with me all the time. I have been taking leaps and going to museums and social public settings all by myself. Ivd been taking it slow and going to one place everyday or every other day. I allow myself to lay in bed after and sleep. I am so unbelieveably anxiois and distressed when I am out doing these things but I am seeing things I truly love. I am experiemcing life. I am going on an oit of city trip for a few days soon and I am excited to push my limits. - -As I lay im bed stressed, in pain, and sleep deprived I am still pushing myself in the morning to go on another adventure by myself.",1,past couple month suffering lot anxiety environment surrounded people dont care blantantly rude fake pressure beyond belief exhausted want happy saying second perfect nice time im know socially awkward lack ability stand miss around people love share interest around bad people place place surrounded thing love cant miss need grow confident live adventurous life alone dont need company dont need boyfriend need friend time taking leap going museum social public setting ivd taking slow going one place everyday every day allow lay bed sleep unbelieveably anxiois distressed thing seeing thing truly love experiemcing life going oit city trip day soon excited push limit lay im bed stressed pain sleep deprived still pushing morning go another adventure -"I’ve finally been put on meds after years of pushing through my anxiety. The idea of going on meds was scary but I’m hoping it’ll be better in the long run. The only issue I’m having so far is I’m so tired. I’m normally not this tired but I swear all weekend I’ve just been sleeping. I have no motivation to do anything, I just want to sleep. I’m hoping that this will go away as my body adjusts more. A part of me is scared that the drowsiness won’t go away. I’m happy that I have this week off from work to try to get myself used to them before going back to work. I don’t want to be tired like this forever",1,finally put med year pushing anxiety idea going med scary hoping better long run issue far tired normally tired swear weekend sleeping motivation anything want sleep hoping go away body adjusts part scared drowsiness go away happy week work try get used going back work want tired like forever -"I dont think I can do this. - -I am so paralyzed with fear and dont know if I can make myself go in. Even if I do, what if I have a panic attack and embarrass myself. - -What if I am not smart enough and mess everything up. Customers will probably be mad at me for being so slow. - -Im so scared. I dont know how to talk with people. Small talk and all of that, how do I not sound awkward. - -I wont be alone because someones is training me and that makes me so nervous because theyre watching my every move for eight hours.",1,dont think paralyzed fear dont know make go even panic attack embarrass smart enough mess everything customer probably mad slow im scared dont know talk people small talk sound awkward wont alone someone training make nervous theyre watching every move eight hour -"Over the past few years i’ve had trouble with relationships, being irritable, weird eating patterns, and suddenly being overcome with fear that I cannot shake. I have avoided telling anyone in fear of “self diagnosing”. So my question is, how do i know if it’s time to see a doctor?",1,past year trouble relationship irritable weird eating pattern suddenly overcome fear shake avoided telling anyone fear self diagnosing question know time see doctor -,1,nan -"Last night I had a bad night and a lot of suicidal thoughts... I spend probably 2hrs thinking if it was worth it or not... I didn't do it, of course, this morning my friend texted me and told me she dream that I killed myself in front of her (she doesn't know I have depression and an eating disorder) now I'm scared that if I ever kill myself she's going to blame herself... She told me that in the dream she felt guilty because she was there",1,last night bad night lot suicidal thought spend probably hr thinking worth course morning friend texted told dream killed front know depression eating disorder scared ever kill going blame told dream felt guilty -"I have to attend this place once every week and while I'm there, my mouth constantly generates saliva due to me being nervous. This then leads to constant swallowing, and I'm a little worried people might start to notice. Is there any way around this? Any advice is greatly appreciated.",1,attend place every week mouth constantly generates saliva due nervous lead constant swallowing little worried people might start notice way around advice greatly appreciated -"So in December, I was admitted to a mental hospital after developing psychosis. I only had delusions, no hallucinations. They ruled out schizophrenia, and left it at marijuana induced (I have a medical card). Although, fitting the timeline, I received a Covid vaccine and was hit hard with Covid a week later right before all of this. I did research into what other reasons cause psychosis and Covid/and or the vaccine actually has caused psychosis due to neurological damage from the virus. I have always struggled with anxiety and have been on Lexapro for the last 6 years. Although, nothing could prepare me for the withdrawals I had when stopping Zyprexa. I reached a point where I had an existential crisis which lead to existential depression while trying to recover. I’m a person who hyper fixates on things, so of course I couldn’t stop thinking “what’s the point” of doing anything. I lost interest in literally everything. I was prescribed Wellbutrin which helped me out of bed, but did not let allow me to just relax outside of work. I used to love movies, video games etc, now I can’t even enjoy those things without being in my head about how much I dislike everything. I’m curious though, I’m stopping Wellbutrin today and have been switching over to Buspar and Lexapro combination. While on Wellbutrin I couldn’t get drunk or high no matter how many shots (10+ within a few hours). I’m definitely not going to continue that habit, but was curious if anyone else had this issue and did it resolve once stopping Wellbutrin. I don’t mind living a simple life, I have a good girlfriend, good family, good job and live in a small town in Oklahoma. I own a gym, so some of my hobbies are lifting weights and doing yoga. But I can’t obviously do that 24/7, I need to be able to “turn off my mind” and watch some television or game. I’m hoping once I start being able to smoke again, I’ll be able to start enjoying the relaxation of video games and television. Also, how is Buspar? - -TLDR: had psychosis, developed existential depression. On Wellbutrin but I can’t get high or drunk. Will that resolve when stopping? Also, how was Buspar for your obsessive thoughts.",1,december admitted mental hospital developing psychosis delusion hallucination ruled schizophrenia left marijuana induced medical card although fitting timeline received covid vaccine hit hard covid week later right research reason cause psychosis covid vaccine actually caused psychosis due neurological damage virus always struggled anxiety lexapro last year although nothing could prepare withdrawal stopping zyprexa reached point existential crisis lead existential depression trying recover person hyper fixates thing course stop thinking point anything lost interest literally everything prescribed wellbutrin helped bed let allow relax outside work used love movie video game etc even enjoy thing without head much dislike everything curious though stopping wellbutrin today switching buspar lexapro combination wellbutrin get drunk high matter many shot 0 within hour definitely going continue habit curious anyone else issue resolve stopping wellbutrin mind living simple life good girlfriend good family good job live small town oklahoma gym hobby lifting weight yoga obviously need able turn mind watch television game hoping start able smoke able start enjoying relaxation video game television also buspar tldr psychosis developed existential depression wellbutrin get high drunk resolve stopping also buspar obsessive thought -"Having difficulty swallowing, fear or choking... always needing water beside me was one of my first symptoms of anxiety (before I knew I had anxiety). That was about 7 years ago and that symptom still follows me around and is one of the most annoying symptoms. My anxiety has manifested over the years and I've had it all... but I just realized that when eating chocolate I don't have the same ""fear"" as any other food... I can swallow chocolate perfectly fine. - -Put a plate of food in front of me and on my worst days it takes me forever or I can't eat... put chocolate in front of me and I can eat it easily, quickly and without fear... seems odd. - -I wonder if it's due to the reward center in your brain when you eat sugar? - -More or less curious if this is common or just me",1,difficulty swallowing fear choking always needing water beside one first symptom anxiety knew anxiety year ago symptom still follows around one annoying symptom anxiety manifested year realized eating chocolate fear food swallow chocolate perfectly fine put plate food front worst day take forever eat put chocolate front eat easily quickly without fear seems odd wonder due reward center brain eat sugar le curious common -"Has anyone used seroquel at night for sleep and Vrylar or Palipidone in the mornings? My son needs seroqual due to insomnia (anxiety/racing thoughts) but we also need something throughout the day to keep his moods stable. We have a call with his doctor this week, but just wondering what others have done?",1,anyone used seroquel night sleep vrylar palipidone morning son need seroqual due insomnia anxiety racing thought also need something throughout day keep mood stable call doctor week wondering others done -"Hello everyone, I'm 30 years old and a mom of four. I got into a 9 month course for a new career in the health industry and I have 2 months left, these two months are currently my extern hours. I found a great office to do my externship in, i have no issues with the staff but mentally i have been dealing with a lot. I cry the day before I go into work, I don't enjoy my weekends because all I do is think about my job. I just lay in my bed and shove my face with food, which is a whole other freaking problem. Panic attacks happen daily and I feel like it's affecting my family. My energy is off and my kiddos can feel it. I honestly could say that I hate this Career, it's not for me!! I have dealt with anxiety my whole life but managed to keep jobs and actually enjoy them. What should I do?",1,hello everyone 0 year old mom four got 9 month course new career health industry month left two month currently extern hour found great office externship issue staff mentally dealing lot cry day go work enjoy weekend think job lay bed shove face food whole freaking problem panic attack happen daily feel like affecting family energy kiddos feel honestly could say hate career dealt anxiety whole life managed keep job actually enjoy -"I've had a severe anxiety problem since I was 16, I'm now 24. I want to make a really good effort to find what the underlying problem causing my anxiety is. When I try to think about it I just catch my self thinking very negative thoughts that are not necessarily true. I realise this isnt much to go off for a good answer but I was wondering what's the best way to really understand what my triggers are, they seem random and unprovoked most of the time. Thank you :)",1,severe anxiety problem since want make really good effort find underlying problem causing anxiety try think catch self thinking negative thought necessarily true realise isnt much go good answer wondering best way really understand trigger seem random unprovoked time thank -"I would like to know if anyone has experienced the same thing as me or at least close to it,and how has he coped or even solved it.To get you up to speed last summer i had to go meet my long distance girlfriend and thats when it all started.A week prior to her coming to see me i was gagging when eating and generally feeling sick because i was afraid/worried of meeting her,which was not normal of me but it happend.During that period i did not think any of it as i thought it would stop happening after i meet her and leave again.But it stayed,i have it when i am going to school and when i eat.From the time i leave my house and reach the school i gag all the way but when i step my foot there it stops.When i eat after i finish i will start gagging and fight with my self not to puke.January of this year came and i had almost removed it from my daily life,maybe because i got used to the things i was doing so they did not give me anxiety,but when i have to do something out of the ordinary its gets me.For example when i went to a car meet 3 weeks ago,the day where the car meet was hosted i was feeling a bit sick and right before i left my house i puked out of anxiety.I dont know how to remove it completely from my life,all i want it to just live freely with out having to worry if my gagging anxiety will kick in.If someone can help me or give me a tip i would gladly appreciate it.",1,would like know anyone experienced thing least close coped even solved get speed last summer go meet long distance girlfriend thats started week prior coming see gagging eating generally feeling sick afraid worried meeting normal happend period think thought would stop happening meet leave stayed going school eat time leave house reach school gag way step foot stop eat finish start gagging fight self puke january year came almost removed daily life maybe got used thing give anxiety something ordinary get example went car meet week ago day car meet hosted feeling bit sick right left house puked anxiety dont know remove completely life want live freely worry gagging anxiety kick someone help give tip would gladly appreciate -My lungs and chest feel so weak for the last 3 months I feel like I’m not breathing properly and exercise makes it worse! The doctors have done loads of tests 2 ecg 3 X-rays 16 tubes of blood everything came back normal and fine. Please help it’s everyday and I feel like I’m dying,1,lung chest feel weak last month feel like breathing properly exercise make worse doctor done load test ecg x ray tube blood everything came back normal fine please help everyday feel like dying -"Um ok first time on Reddit but I need some help or advice or something (sorry for the long post in advance I just need to get this of my chest). I can't talk about my interest without feeling like I'm going to barf no matter who it is it's especially bad when I'm trying to talk to my parents. -My brother loves music he's always talking about it and we're supper close but I only recently started saying ""hey I know/like that song"" when he's playing music. He begs me to share my Spotify with him but I just CANT I know he won't judge me but I don't even think I'm scared of being judged? -Another time he asked to borrow my computer for school work and I panicked I have nothing to hide but I watch a lot of shows and read a lot of comics so I save the tabs so I can finish them later and got scared he would see them I said no multiple times and he kept asking he wouldn't stop, I tried explaining to him explaining to him how I was feeling multiple times and he just got angry and said ""alright What are you hiding?"" And I panicked I didn't want him to think I was hiding something so I just let him use it, it was fine but I felt sick for the rest of the day. - -I also don't like being on my phone around people ESPECIALLY my parents I know they go through my stuff they've never said anything about it but they'll mention stuff I've only talked about online (hi guys if you reading this o/ pls leave me alone) my mom wanted to show me something so she asked to use my phone and I panicked because I was on Twitter and I have a account I post art on and I didn't want her to see. none of my family or irl friends know about it because I'm so embarrassed I said no but she just reached for it, she didn't see my twitter though she was really angry and started saying I was hiding something I got my phone back though and I tried explaining why I get so defensive about my phone but she couldn't understand I almost cried - -There's so many times I've seen something in the store I want but just couldn't ask, I can't be on my phone without thinking that someone's watching me through it or I accidentally sense that post I liked to someone's contact or I'm broadcasting what ever one my phone to everyone around me, I have a habit of biting down on my tongue all the time because I'm scared I'm thinking out loud and just can't here myself I'm always paranoid and my family thinks I'm hiding something no one knows ANY of my interest outside of my vague answers like ""oh I like art, I like watching movies, I play video games"" and i think it's starting to affect my relationships what's wrong with me??",1,um ok first time reddit need help advice something sorry long post advance need get chest talk interest without feeling like going barf matter especially bad trying talk parent brother love music always talking supper close recently started saying hey know like song playing music begs share spotify cant know judge even think scared judged another time asked borrow computer school work panicked nothing hide watch lot show read lot comic save tab finish later got scared would see said multiple time kept asking stop tried explaining explaining feeling multiple time got angry said alright hiding panicked want think hiding something let use fine felt sick rest day also like phone around people especially parent know go stuff never said anything mention stuff talked online hi guy reading pls leave alone mom wanted show something asked use phone panicked twitter account post art want see none family irl friend know embarrassed said reached see twitter though really angry started saying hiding something got phone back though tried explaining get defensive phone understand almost cried many time seen something store want ask phone without thinking someone watching accidentally sense post liked someone contact broadcasting ever one phone everyone around habit biting tongue time scared thinking loud always paranoid family think hiding something one know interest outside vague answer like oh like art like watching movie play video game think starting affect relationship wrong -"i’ve had bad anxiety for five years and been diagnosed with panic disorder and ocd but the past three months are really scaring me. i feel derealized/dissociated almost all of the time, i can barely go to class, work, drive, even the grocery store because i have a fear of passing out or suddenly feeling disconnected from everything. even fun things i can’t enjoy because i’m so overwhelmed with anxiety and start questioning if everything is real or not. i also feel like i can’t even remember what feeling normal is supposed to feel like/ i don’t know how bad my anxiety is anymore because i don’t remember what the baseline feels like. i’m in the process of finding a psychiatrist but it seems like it’s gonna be a while. can anyone relate??could really use some support/tips right now.",1,bad anxiety five year diagnosed panic disorder ocd past three month really scaring feel derealized dissociated almost time barely go class work drive even grocery store fear passing suddenly feeling disconnected everything even fun thing enjoy overwhelmed anxiety start questioning everything real also feel like even remember feeling normal supposed feel like know bad anxiety anymore remember baseline feel like process finding psychiatrist seems like gon na anyone relate could really use support tip right -"it’s march 21st. i’m so worried i wont get a job after i graduate from grad school in july. - -i’ve had interviews— have even been the final rounds of some places too!! i am networking like crazy, have solid internship experiences and a decent resume. - -but there’s this voice in my head that’s like “oh lol why would they hire you??” - -how do y’all stop overthinking about the future?",1,march st worried wont get job graduate grad school july interview even final round place networking like crazy solid internship experience decent resume voice head like oh lol would hire stop overthinking future -I am deathly afraid of driving over an hour away from my town. I hate the feeling that I'm vulnerable to my car breaking down and me getting stuck over night somewhere. Is this stupid? The fear is very intense and crippling. The thought of having a panic attack somewhere off an interstate exit and being hundreds of miles from anyone I know to bring me comfort.,1,deathly afraid driving hour away town hate feeling vulnerable car breaking getting stuck night somewhere stupid fear intense crippling thought panic attack somewhere interstate exit hundred mile anyone know bring comfort -"So I would describe myself as someone who is pretty high functioning in terms of living with moderate anxiety, although in certain triggering situations it can become completely debilitating and a huge obstacle to making progress in my life. - -On Wednesday, I have a job interview and I am just nauseated and so anxious even thinking about it. It's only 30 minutes long but I think it's 50/50 whether I'll straight up have a panic attack during the interview, and I'm absolutely dreading it. The inability to speak, to think in a straight line, to remember anything, to breathe properly, feeling totally disoriented... I'm not trying to manifest it here, but it's just the reality of how my body reacts to these situations and in 13 years of my working life I have never come close to conquering it. - -I have a wonderful partner I have been with for nearly a year now but she has never really seen what anxiety can do to me when it gets bad. I guess I've just been really good at avoiding situations that trigger it. She's very sympathetic and encourages me to prepare, but it's clear she fundamentally doesn't know what it's like to be debilitated by situations to the point of panic attacks. I tried to explain, but she thinks if I prep then I'll just be able to speak without issue, but it just doesn't work like that for me, at all. Prep can only get me so far and half the time I'll just get a few sentences out then descend into panic. - -I am so anxious just thinking about Wednesday that I've barely made progress with my prep anyway, although I'll try my best to do some more over the next couple of days. Sorry this is just a rant and isn't a very meaningful post. I guess I'm just desperate for people to understand how horrible it is to feel so anxious and to know you're basically setting yourself up for a potential panic attack, with an audience. Hope I can find my courage to get through it.",1,would describe someone pretty high functioning term living moderate anxiety although certain triggering situation become completely debilitating huge obstacle making progress life wednesday job interview nauseated anxious even thinking 0 minute long think 0 0 whether straight panic attack interview absolutely dreading inability speak think straight line remember anything breathe properly feeling totally disoriented trying manifest reality body reacts situation year working life never come close conquering wonderful partner nearly year never really seen anxiety get bad guess really good avoiding situation trigger sympathetic encourages prepare clear fundamentally know like debilitated situation point panic attack tried explain think prep able speak without issue work like prep get far half time get sentence descend panic anxious thinking wednesday barely made progress prep anyway although try best next couple day sorry rant meaningful post guess desperate people understand horrible feel anxious know basically setting potential panic attack audience hope find courage get -did quitting nicotine actually help anyone with their anxiety?,1,quitting nicotine actually help anyone anxiety -"Not to include too much gross info but she had blood in the toilet. She teleconferenced with her doc who ordered a colonoscopy. Not sure if anyone with a medical background is reading this but if so, could it be anything else? The doc said it may be polyps. One thing she left out was that she had noticed narrower stools which I read is a sign of colon cancer. I’m just trying to put my mind at a bit of ease.",1,include much gross info blood toilet teleconferenced doc ordered colonoscopy sure anyone medical background reading could anything else doc said may polyp one thing left noticed narrower stool read sign colon cancer trying put mind bit ease -today i learned that nicotine can decrease the effectiveness of ssris,1,today learned nicotine decrease effectiveness ssri -"i went to the psychiatrist and he recommended 3 drops of clonazepam 2,5 mg every day before i go to college (the place my anxiety is the worst). im really afraid because i never took any medicine. any advice?",1,went psychiatrist recommended drop clonazepam mg every day go college place anxiety worst im really afraid never took medicine advice -"Hello Anxiety-nauts! - -&#x200B; - -For context, I currently work in a job that I'm supposed to love, but causes me huge anxiety, mainly because of the people in the workplace and the city that I've had to move to. - - I applied for a role at a different place that would allow me to live back at home with my parents, live in an area that I know well, would be a better use of my talents, is better paid, and is still in the field that I wish to work in. I had an interview with them last week, which I felt that it went very well, and they said that they'd get back to me today at the latest if I was accepted for the second round. I have so far heard nothing at all. - -&#x200B; - -While it would really hurt to not get this job, it's really sending me haywire that I've heard not even a peek out of the employer today. I'm trying to grapple with the urge to ask for confirmation from them, for fear of sounding desperate or needy (even though I am pretty desperate by now). - -I realise that I made the mistake of pinning my hopes on this job, but I couldn't help it. - -&#x200B; - -I surely can't be the only person to be in this situation. - -&#x200B; - -Sorry to ramble. Hope you're all in a much better place than I am right now :)",1,hello anxiety nauts amp x 00b context currently work job supposed love cause huge anxiety mainly people workplace city move applied role different place would allow live back home parent live area know well would better use talent better paid still field wish work interview last week felt went well said get back today latest accepted second round far heard nothing amp x 00b would really hurt get job really sending haywire heard even peek employer today trying grapple urge ask confirmation fear sounding desperate needy even though pretty desperate realise made mistake pinning hope job help amp x 00b surely person situation amp x 00b sorry ramble hope much better place right -"It must be annoying to be my friend, employer, fellow employee, or anyone else who needs to contact me. I am scared to death of receiving bad news (from people bring angry at me, plans not working out, or more responsibility being added to my plate) that I just out right avoid any news all together. Im really scared that the government is going to come after me for incorrect taxes, breaking laws (which I have unbeknownst broken), ect. So i just avoid any and all things that they could contact me through... i dont even like doorbells. This has damaged my GPA because I don't even look at my school website so I miss homework and even tests. - -I guess I'm just paranoid... feels like the end is always drawing near and I'd rather not see it hit me, but it hits me regardless and it's impact is worse because I dint see it coming, but because it hit me it reaffirms that bad news is coming and the cycle continues.",1,must annoying friend employer fellow employee anyone else need contact scared death receiving bad news people bring angry plan working responsibility added plate right avoid news together im really scared government going come incorrect tax breaking law unbeknownst broken ect avoid thing could contact dont even like doorbell damaged gpa even look school website miss homework even test guess paranoid feel like end always drawing near rather see hit hit regardless impact worse dint see coming hit reaffirms bad news coming cycle continues -"The past almost 10 months have been the hardest worst times of my life. I’ve always had a decent amount of anxiety and a little depression. I wouldn’t even call it depression, just a little blue sometimes. But these past 9-10 months have been so hard for me. Every day of my life I feel the deep almost debilitating heart beat making it hard to breathe, waking up to that feeling is the worst thing I can describe..just makes me want to bawl when that’s the first thing I experience when I wake up. The constant feeling that I want to gag or puke from the anxiety. Having no true enjoyment out of anything, no matter how hard I try. I can only fake it. I haven’t been truly relaxed and at peace for so long. I have a wife and a little daughter who I love so much. I know they deserve so so much better than me, the way I’ve ruined their lives with my depression and anxiety. I know my wife gets frustrated going thru this for almost a year. I feel like I’ve wasted the last 9-10 months of my daughters life, and that absolutely kills me. Missing these special little moments. Playing more with her etc. I just don’t have the energy to like I should. It kills me. I try to talk about how I feel to my wife and my mom (the only two I feel comfortable talking to) My mom has so much on her plate. And my wife is going thru some family issues, so I feel guilty even burdening them with my feelings and issues. Aka why I’m posting here. I honestly feel like I’ve lost my mind, and I’m just so so so tired of feeling this way. I’ve dreamed about just going to sleep and never waking up, and then ultimately feel guilty to even think of that, with a wife and daughter. I know my wife deserves better than me and she would probably move on at some point. But my daughter is the only thing keeping me going. I know I need to be on meds, but I’m so scared I’ll be put on the wrong ones and make my mind even worse, and make these intrusive thoughts even worse. I’m so scared of it. I just want the suffering to end and have my life back. I’ve never been much of a user if Reddit, but this is the only place I can think of to vent how I truly feel. Anyone else struggling too, I hope you find peace ❤️",1,past almost 0 month hardest worst time life always decent amount anxiety little depression even call depression little blue sometimes past 9 0 month hard every day life feel deep almost debilitating heart beat making hard breathe waking feeling worst thing describe make want bawl first thing experience wake constant feeling want gag puke anxiety true enjoyment anything matter hard try fake truly relaxed peace long wife little daughter love much know deserve much better way ruined life depression anxiety know wife get frustrated going thru almost year feel like wasted last 9 0 month daughter life absolutely kill missing special little moment playing etc energy like kill try talk feel wife mom two feel comfortable talking mom much plate wife going thru family issue feel guilty even burdening feeling issue aka posting honestly feel like lost mind tired feeling way dreamed going sleep never waking ultimately feel guilty even think wife daughter know wife deserves better would probably move point daughter thing keeping going know need med scared put wrong one make mind even worse make intrusive thought even worse scared want suffering end life back never much user reddit place think vent truly feel anyone else struggling hope find peace -"Hi, please help tell me someone had this and overcame it. I can’t do more diagnosis. At some point i was praying it’s cancer because at least i’d know what it is. - -I’m suspecting anxiety, since i have severe social anxiety, which is fuelled even more by the symptoms: - -It is something between itching/burning/stinging. Like if someone put thousands of needles in your scalp at the same time. It happens usually when i suddenly feel my body temperature rising, so during exercising, in hot rooms etc, when stressed/anxious since it also happens in places that aren’t even that warm like supermarkets or in a bus. There are no visible signs on the skin, like redness or rash. I’ve had dermatological, neurological, endocrine and many more diagnosis but nothing was found, so i’m suspecting anxiety. - -It’s been happening couple times a week, always when i feel too warm, for like 10 years but human body has a fascinating ability to forget the intensity of pain doesn’t it? - -Threads I saw that are similar usually talk about itching before sleeping or sensitive skin on forehands or something alike but this is a needle-like stinging sensation all over the head whenever its hot… - -Please, I’m almost done",1,hi please help tell someone overcame diagnosis point praying cancer least know suspecting anxiety since severe social anxiety fuelled even symptom something itching burning stinging like someone put thousand needle scalp time happens usually suddenly feel body temperature rising exercising hot room etc stressed anxious since also happens place even warm like supermarket bus visible sign skin like redness rash dermatological neurological endocrine many diagnosis nothing found suspecting anxiety happening couple time week always feel warm like 0 year human body fascinating ability forget intensity pain thread saw similar usually talk itching sleeping sensitive skin forehand something alike needle like stinging sensation head whenever hot please almost done -"I feel like when I’m drunk I act like everyone else around me does sober and I hate it, like I’ll talk more il feel more confident in myself, everything in my existence will feel worth living",1,feel like drunk act like everyone else around sober hate like talk il feel confident everything existence feel worth living -"Hi, my first post here. I'm a 20F who has been diagnosed with anxiety and mild agoraphobia in July last year. I've been on medication ever since and it has significantly improved my condition; I attend university, hang out with my friends, go on dates with my long-term girlfriend, and haven't had a full-blown panic attack since January. So, in a way, I've never been better. - -The problem is that despite my improved condition, I still get highly anxious when I'm anticipating something, mainly dates but sometimes also outings with friends when we have more formal plans. - -In the morning, I wake up feeling jittery and cannot focus on anything, I often feel cold and shaky, my hands tremble awfully and in the worst cases I have an upset stomach right of the bat. Then, as I'm on the train or a tram, just seconds before the meeting, I start feeling hot, nauseous and lightheaded. When we finally meet, the panic reaches its peak and I very often nearly throw up (nausea and diarrhea are the symptoms that terrify me the most). And then it's over. It takes some time for me to calm down but this kind of intensity of symptoms doesn't come back anymore. - -It happens mostly when I go on dates, when my s/o visits me or when I'm hanging out with a completely new friend. Which is annoying because I feel safe and comfortable around her, she understands my condition and helped me through it when I was at my lowest and could barely leave my house. But for some reason she still triggers my anticipatory anxiety the most; it doesn't happen always, not to this extent at least, but I'm always at least a little bit shaky and nauseous at the beginning. And the not knowing whether I'll be okay or not okay on a certain day is in itself nerve-wrecking. - -To put things in perspective, I used to get anxiety attacks even when making plans through text messages, just setting up a meeting could send me spiralling down. Now doesn't phase me anymore. So, as you see, I'm much better now. - -Has anyone experienced something similar?",1,hi first post 0f diagnosed anxiety mild agoraphobia july last year medication ever since significantly improved condition attend university hang friend go date long term girlfriend full blown panic attack since january way never better problem despite improved condition still get highly anxious anticipating something mainly date sometimes also outing friend formal plan morning wake feeling jittery focus anything often feel cold shaky hand tremble awfully worst case upset stomach right bat train tram second meeting start feeling hot nauseous lightheaded finally meet panic reach peak often nearly throw nausea diarrhea symptom terrify take time calm kind intensity symptom come back anymore happens mostly go date visit hanging completely new friend annoying feel safe comfortable around understands condition helped lowest could barely leave house reason still trigger anticipatory anxiety happen always extent least always least little bit shaky nauseous beginning knowing whether okay okay certain day nerve wrecking put thing perspective used get anxiety attack even making plan text message setting meeting could send spiralling phase anymore see much better anyone experienced something similar -"My doctor said they'd like to talk about my bloodwork so I have an appointment tomorrow. Of course this was this morning and now my brain is gone to over drive. I spent all day sleeping with no motivation to eat, drink get up. I managed to get a bath but I also have a test tomorrow that I need studying for. That call could just be anything but I'm worried it's something absolutely terrible. Anyone else feel like this? Any advice?",1,doctor said like talk bloodwork appointment tomorrow course morning brain gone drive spent day sleeping motivation eat drink get managed get bath also test tomorrow need studying call could anything worried something absolutely terrible anyone else feel like advice -"Has anyone else ever experienced a state of almost constant light headedness/brain fog/just a weird feeling in your head due to anxiety? - -Just want to know if i’m alone in this or not! I’ve had it for weeks now :(",1,anyone else ever experienced state almost constant light headedness brain fog weird feeling head due anxiety want know alone week -"i had one not to long ago im kinda feeling down rn, but its all good these things just make me stronger💪",1,one long ago im kinda feeling rn good thing make stronger -"Hi, -I have always been concerned about not being normal because I have anxiety. -I realize that everyday is a struggle to survive, to be mostly fine, fearing so many things. I am so tired of feeling like this. I wonder: will I ever feel normal ? Not being afraid and just live. -Thank you for reading 🙏🏻",1,hi always concerned normal anxiety realize everyday struggle survive mostly fine fearing many thing tired feeling like wonder ever feel normal afraid live thank reading -"21M I had EXTREME anxiety/ depression. 2-3 years of my short life I spent in a bedroom avoiding human contact at all cost. Didn’t show up for family events had 0 friends. cancelled every appointment someone else made for me. To keep it short I seen no light at the end of the tunnel. I realized the mental destruction was all within myself it took me 3 years of dark endless thoughts to realize that. Anyone in the same position please consider this. If you are stuck in a bedroom MOVE it will change you for the better. Go for walks, get comfortable going to the grocery store. Get out the comfort zone you are in & you will become a better person. My dream seemed so far fetch but to others it was normal life. FORCE YOURSELF!! God has a plan for everyone on this earth and that includes you❤️",1,extreme anxiety depression year short life spent bedroom avoiding human contact cost show family event 0 friend cancelled every appointment someone else made keep short seen light end tunnel realized mental destruction within took year dark endless thought realize anyone position please consider stuck bedroom move change better go walk get comfortable going grocery store get comfort zone amp become better person dream seemed far fetch others normal life force god plan everyone earth includes -"Not sure if actually anxiety related tbh. Recently during spring break, my stress got the best of me and I ended up isolating myself and feeling unempathetic towards those who tried to contact me so I gave up on trying to express my feelings over text and was really struggling with messaging and stuff. Today I realized that I was having trouble getting any words out while speaking to those at school and my best friend yet I could talk to my family fine. It’s making my friend uncomfortable and I believe they are upset with me yet I can’t even get my words out over text. Not sure what to expect putting this out there, hoping for any explanation or help.",1,sure actually anxiety related tbh recently spring break stress got best ended isolating feeling unempathetic towards tried contact gave trying express feeling text really struggling messaging stuff today realized trouble getting word speaking school best friend yet could talk family fine making friend uncomfortable believe upset yet even get word text sure expect putting hoping explanation help -"Now, I don’t want this to turn into either a political debate or an echo chamber of fear, but does anyone else find it really hard to think about the future? Between COVID, climate change, the far right, and wars, I’ve been feeling increasingly doomed since 2016, and it’s made it very difficult to live my life. What is the point of setting goals or doing anything but spending time with your loved ones when it seems like there might not be a tomorrow?",1,want turn either political debate echo chamber fear anyone else find really hard think future covid climate change far right war feeling increasingly doomed since 0 made difficult live life point setting goal anything spending time loved one seems like might tomorrow -"This is what my main problem boils down to. I feel like I live my life inside my head, always checking in on how I feel and if I’m okay. Is my vision blurry, am I dizzy, is my hand numb etc. etc. - -I also think I have PPPD so the unsteadiness and swaying/rocking sensations affect me (and freak me out) the most. - -If I was free of this hyper-awareness/hyper-vigilance element I really believe I’d be fine. But right now it really runs my life. Has anyone found ways to reduce this or even get rid of it completely?",1,main problem boil feel like live life inside head always checking feel okay vision blurry dizzy hand numb etc etc also think pppd unsteadiness swaying rocking sensation affect freak free hyper awareness hyper vigilance element really believe fine right really run life anyone found way reduce even get rid completely -"I have general anxiety. I got into a minor car accident in a Target parking lot. We backed into each other. I thought it was 50/50 fault but her insurance says otherwise. This is after she was so surprised and so nice to me after the accident. She hugged me. Plus she has my first name, a really uncommon first name. Since I have been so anxious going to my Target. It was like a safe place and now I just feel anxious when I go. I feel like I am just making it worse in my head. I was so frustrated and blindsided when her insurance said it was my fault. I feel so freaking stupid about all of this. Sorry for the mess of the post. I am currently sitting in the target parking lot just trying to feel better. I feel like I am just being insane.",1,general anxiety got minor car accident target parking lot backed thought 0 0 fault insurance say otherwise surprised nice accident hugged plus first name really uncommon first name since anxious going target like safe place feel anxious go feel like making worse head frustrated blindsided insurance said fault feel freaking stupid sorry mess post currently sitting target parking lot trying feel better feel like insane -"This is an embarrassing confession to make but I feel like this is the only place I can seriously get advice. I’m a 17 year old guy who has already had awful anxiety around 3-4 years ago when I was young, my mum was super supportive about it and took me to therapy which seriously helped me for a while and I still absolutely love her for that. - -After my therapy sessions finished I was having the best period of my life, I was seeing and meeting new people and getting close with others, but 1.5-2 years ago my anxiety started coming back and a big part of my anxiety that I didn’t tell my mum was the fact I needed to poop during my attacks, it sounds silly I know haha. - -Now, school is a nightmare because I’m scared to go in school due to it’s small size and the fact that there is a very small amount of bathrooms in the school. I always have the feeling of “what if it finally happens”, for reference, I have never had an “accident” in school but have sure as hell came close. I will also cancel plans with friends outside of school if I couldn’t get it all out before we leave. I’ve left jobs because of this fear as well and I just feel like an absolute loser. - -My mum doesn’t like me staying off from school in any way and I feel I cant tell her this reason because it is genuinely embarrassing and she would believe I’m lying. I also want to get back on therapy but I don’t want to break her heart after she was so proud of me the first time and even cried for me, my mum is a god send, and I love her with all that is in me, so I can’t tell her that its back again. I think I need meds but I’ve never been diagnosed so I don’t know. - -This sounds absolutely ridiculous I know but it’s something I’ve been seriously struggling with and am typing this right now with diarrhoea the night before school, terrified. If anyone has any similar experiences and how they overcame this, it would help me in ways you can’t imagine. Thank you",1,embarrassing confession make feel like place seriously get advice year old guy already awful anxiety around year ago young mum super supportive took therapy seriously helped still absolutely love therapy session finished best period life seeing meeting new people getting close others year ago anxiety started coming back big part anxiety tell mum fact needed poop attack sound silly know haha school nightmare scared go school due small size fact small amount bathroom school always feeling finally happens reference never accident school sure hell came close also cancel plan friend outside school get leave left job fear well feel like absolute loser mum like staying school way feel cant tell reason genuinely embarrassing would believe lying also want get back therapy want break heart proud first time even cried mum god send love tell back think need med never diagnosed know sound absolutely ridiculous know something seriously struggling typing right diarrhoea night school terrified anyone similar experience overcame would help way imagine thank -"He’s high energy and strong willed. He’s only 5. He minds and respects me but sometimes his persistence becomes too overwhelming to handle. He will argue his point like a lawyer with every simple task or question I ask him and it’s exhausting. He sends me into an anxiety attacks on occasion, such as yesterday. How do I keep my cool? I want him to keep being himself, questioning things, sticking up for himself, etc, but sometimes just a simple “yes mom” would be so relieving to hear.",1,high energy strong willed mind respect sometimes persistence becomes overwhelming handle argue point like lawyer every simple task question ask exhausting sends anxiety attack occasion yesterday keep cool want keep questioning thing sticking etc sometimes simple yes mom would relieving hear -"So I am currently doing a school project where we have to come up with an ""empathetic invention"" that helps solve a problem that you or someone you know is going through. I struggle with anxiety, specifically in social situations where I have to talk to new people. My project idea is to create a bracelet with a variety of textures to help soothe/ provide relief/ ground someone when they are nervous that is discreet. I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions as to textures that help you calm down when you are nervous (fabric, things you fidget with, etc.)? Thanks!",1,currently school project come empathetic invention help solve problem someone know going struggle anxiety specifically social situation talk new people project idea create bracelet variety texture help soothe provide relief ground someone nervous discreet wondering anyone suggestion texture help calm nervous fabric thing fidget etc thanks -"i have a severe problem socially and going out in public.. i can talk to people 1 on 1 no problem but when i have to be around strangers in public or just a bunch of people, i think everyone is looking at me or making fun of me and my anxiety will be so bad i start to walk weird af and it makes people notice me even more and i just dont even wanna leave the house anymore. i literally cant walk in a straight line when i have to walk by other people, especially if they are with friends. idk what to do anymore.",1,severe problem socially going public talk people problem around stranger public bunch people think everyone looking making fun anxiety bad start walk weird af make people notice even dont even wan na leave house anymore literally cant walk straight line walk people especially friend idk anymore -When I was a teen I would burn myself with matches because it made me feel better. It has been many years since i have burned myself. Today I got swarmed by yellowjackets and stung several times and instantly felt better. I’m not sure if it’s the adrenaline or something else or if I’m imagining it. Thoughts?,1,teen would burn match made feel better many year since burned today got swarmed yellowjackets stung several time instantly felt better sure adrenaline something else imagining thought -"I was fine for a year or so and then the anxiety comes back worse than ever panic attacks in the evening which make me feel like shit. I feel so fucking bad inside of my chest and stomach and my thoughts don’t stop rushing. In the day and morning I’m fine, but in the evening I feel like I’m losing my mind and I want everything to just be ok, but how will I live with myself. I’m generally healthy I work out I do breathing exercises, but nothing helps and it fucking sucks. School actually calms anxiety because I have a task and I’m busy, but when I’m home I feel so fucking lonely.",1,fine year anxiety come back worse ever panic attack evening make feel like shit feel fucking bad inside chest stomach thought stop rushing day morning fine evening feel like losing mind want everything ok live generally healthy work breathing exercise nothing help fucking suck school actually calm anxiety task busy home feel fucking lonely -"I’ve suffered from anxiety and depression for most of my life. I’ve also occasionally had some episodes that might be derealization, but I’m not sure. Once in high school I suddenly got an overwhelming feeling that my boyfriend, someone I’d known well for years, was unfamiliar to me. My heart was racing and I felt like my grip on reality was slipping. It was traumatic, and I haven’t experienced an episode that bad since then (I’m 30 now) but I worry that it could happen again someday. -For those familiar with derealization, have you ever experienced this?",1,suffered anxiety depression life also occasionally episode might derealization sure high school suddenly got overwhelming feeling boyfriend someone known well year unfamiliar heart racing felt like grip reality slipping traumatic experienced episode bad since 0 worry could happen someday familiar derealization ever experienced -"A week ago I matched with someone on a dating app and shortly after starting to talk to them I started experiencing what I thought was bad anxiety. I’m on antidepressants that usually surpress my anxiety really well so this was really odd for me. Since then I’ve been feeling nauseous/anxious with an upset stomach every day even though everything’s going relatively well in general and with this person I’m talking to. I’ve never felt this much anxiety over a potential partner. -Could this be excitement? My heart has been beating fast, my legs feel a little light, there’s a tight feeling of nausea in my chest. It can’t be covid because the test I just took was negative. I just want this feeling of nausea to go away. Thanks.",1,week ago matched someone dating app shortly starting talk started experiencing thought bad anxiety antidepressant usually surpress anxiety really well really odd since feeling nauseous anxious upset stomach every day even though everything going relatively well general person talking never felt much anxiety potential partner could excitement heart beating fast leg feel little light tight feeling nausea chest covid test took negative want feeling nausea go away thanks -"For reference I am 21f, graduating college in May. I grew up in a really shitty town and I worked really hard in school to guarantee I could get into my dream college and move to a city where I thought I would find more likeminded people. - -College sincerely sucked. I had terrible friends (now don't really have friends), don't really like my major, scared that I only have qualifications for a job I won't like and not to mention half of college was online because of Covid. - -I am so terrified of applying for jobs and figuring out what I want to do with my life. This was literally my biggest fear going into school was that I would waste 4 years on a degree I don't love and don't know what I want to do. I feel like applying to jobs is also accepting that I am no longer a student which has been a huge part of my identity for what? 16 years? - -I also think having college be a huge disappointment makes me really nervous for everything else. Like the narrative that high school and college are supposed to be the best years of your life is pushed so much and both really weren't great. I've also heard its really hard to make friends outside of school which scares me a lot. I feel like I have a few friends that I talk to occasionally but I don't think of them as my ""best"" friends or that I am overly close with them. I think I am a nice and interesting person who cares about others a lot and I don't understand why I have had such a long history of really horrible friends who never really cared about me (literally had my ""best friends"" in high school pick the guy who sexually assaulted me over me). - -I just am so scared that life won't get better. It seems so easy for other people and I don't understand why figuring out life has been so difficult for me.",1,reference f graduating college may grew really shitty town worked really hard school guarantee could get dream college move city thought would find likeminded people college sincerely sucked terrible friend really friend really like major scared qualification job like mention half college online covid terrified applying job figuring want life literally biggest fear going school would waste year degree love know want feel like applying job also accepting longer student huge part identity year also think college huge disappointment make really nervous everything else like narrative high school college supposed best year life pushed much really great also heard really hard make friend outside school scare lot feel like friend talk occasionally think best friend overly close think nice interesting person care others lot understand long history really horrible friend never really cared literally best friend high school pick guy sexually assaulted scared life get better seems easy people understand figuring life difficult -Anybody else have anxiety about having an allergic reaction to a food even when they don’t have a food allergy?,1,anybody else anxiety allergic reaction food even food allergy -"I'm supposed to take one pill in the morning, starting tomorrow. I am not afraid of a new medication, because I'm already taking the other ones, but I've never been on Paroxetine and I was wondering how is it working for you guys? Especially if it helped somebody who has severe social anxiety like me? Did you have any side effects? I know it's supposed to take 2-3 weeks to start taking effect for this med.",1,supposed take one pill morning starting tomorrow afraid new medication already taking one never paroxetine wondering working guy especially helped somebody severe social anxiety like side effect know supposed take week start taking effect med -"I have my 2 week follow up with my Dr after having my medication prescribed. I was given Buspar and Xanax but have only taken the Buspar as Xanax is only for when I have a panic attack. - -So far I have noticed I am a lot calmer over all, I still get worried but i know its a bit diff. My mind over all feels quieter. My mom has said im talking a lot and at work I am for sure talking to more of my guests and clients. - -Sometimes I feel dizzy mid day or at night and if I have a snack its ok but its going away. I also had some weird dreams but that too is going away. - -I dont know what else to look out for or mention to him about how ive been feeling or what might be important to say or consider? Is there anything besides what I might feel is working and anything that seems like side effects I should say?",1,week follow dr medication prescribed given buspar xanax taken buspar xanax panic attack far noticed lot calmer still get worried know bit diff mind feel quieter mom said im talking lot work sure talking guest client sometimes feel dizzy mid day night snack ok going away also weird dream going away dont know else look mention ive feeling might important say consider anything besides might feel working anything seems like side effect say -"I really don’t know how to put it into words, but I’ve been working on my anxiety for the past few years and over time my anxiety attacks become less frequent. But like today there are some days where my dreams are filled with everything that gives me anxiety, work, life issues etc, then I wake up with chills having an anxiety attack. I feel so strong for even working on my anxiety by myself in the first place, but the times I have em dreams I just want to give up and be shut out because of how much it throws my headspace off",1,really know put word working anxiety past year time anxiety attack become le frequent like today day dream filled everything give anxiety work life issue etc wake chill anxiety attack feel strong even working anxiety first place time em dream want give shut much throw headspace -,1,nan -"why do I get hot easily and my anxiety gets really bad, where I need to leave. Whether it's the gym or doing my nails. I have no problem socializing but I fine myself needing to leave situations when I start feeling like this. It's so consuming can someone help.",1,get hot easily anxiety get really bad need leave whether gym nail problem socializing fine needing leave situation start feeling like consuming someone help -"Hey there, made a throwaway because people know my normal account. - -Long story short I have this “friend” who used to be my closest friend. We’ve been like brothers since we met in college. As we got older we bickered a lot, and had a major falling out about 8mo ago. We made up and were kind of just friends that can be around eachother since we have mutual friends, but not close anymore, which is fine. - -Well we saw eachother for a trip with our group a few weeks back, and we bickered on the trip a lot. I know I’m at fault for my side, but he doesn’t believe he does anything wrong. Mainly we were bickering about politics, which I swore to not speak with him because we disagree. But there was drinking and talking. - -Regardless, after I attempted to apologize and be cool. He instead of accepting or apologizing in return turned the conversation to my entire personality and basically dug hard into me as a person. He made up shit about me that’s not true as well. - -It was out of the blue, and real hurtful, but it is what it is. I just kind of blew it off. Until I find out he’s talking shit to my close friends in the city I live in. Now these friends are avoiding me, not talking to me. I have no idea what he said, and how bad he made me look. - -As an almost 30yo adult I don’t want to deal with this. But man this is really getting to me. - -I’m having anxiety about these other friends so bad.",1,hey made throwaway people know normal account long story short friend used closest friend like brother since met college got older bickered lot major falling mo ago made kind friend around eachother since mutual friend close anymore fine well saw eachother trip group week back bickered trip lot know fault side believe anything wrong mainly bickering politics swore speak disagree drinking talking regardless attempted apologize cool instead accepting apologizing return turned conversation entire personality basically dug hard person made shit true well blue real hurtful kind blew find talking shit close friend city live friend avoiding talking idea said bad made look almost 0yo adult want deal man really getting anxiety friend bad -"Im seriously so stuck. I developed a horrible case of health anxiety and constantly think something is wrong with my brain or heart. - -I’ve been to the ER twice now with everything coming back normal. I feel bed ridden most days. If Im up and moving around for too long I feel extremely dizzy due to my tension headaches. I have high blood pressure and am on medications but I constantly think it’s hurting my heart. - -Im only 21 years old and I shouldn’t be this concerned about my health!! I’m so over feeling this way and every day gets worse and worse. I feel like I can’t do anything but lay down. - -I get sharp pains along my chest due to costochondritis and Im always thinking it’s the end. My breathing is always fine and my heart never beats SUPER rapidly so that makes me feel better but the dizziness is unbearable. I tried antidepressants and all they did was make my anxiety worse and my heart beat abnormally fast anytime i stood up. My doctor took me off of them and is more focused on my blood pressure. - -Im so scared of dying and I’m so sick of feeling like this. 😢",1,im seriously stuck developed horrible case health anxiety constantly think something wrong brain heart er twice everything coming back normal feel bed ridden day im moving around long feel extremely dizzy due tension headache high blood pressure medication constantly think hurting heart im year old concerned health feeling way every day get worse worse feel like anything lay get sharp pain along chest due costochondritis im always thinking end breathing always fine heart never beat super rapidly make feel better dizziness unbearable tried antidepressant make anxiety worse heart beat abnormally fast anytime stood doctor took focused blood pressure im scared dying sick feeling like -Please help. I don’t wanna be schizophrenic or bipolar or anything. That’s my biggest fear and right now I couldn’t sleep thinking maybe this could be it or psychosis. I haven’t been able to sleep the past 4 days and maybe it’s just my anxiety or not.. not so sure. I just need advice. I don’t wanna go crazy that’s my biggest fear as of now. But I heard crazy people don’t recognize they are going crazy.,1,please help wan na schizophrenic bipolar anything biggest fear right sleep thinking maybe could psychosis able sleep past day maybe anxiety sure need advice wan na go crazy biggest fear heard crazy people recognize going crazy -"I've been getting a lot of internal tremors specifically during my attempts to sleep... when I'm fully relaxed and my mind is not anxious, I start to feel the tremors come on especially in my head and in the back of my head. It's almost as if my body DOESN'T want me to sleep. (Context: I developed a fear for sleeping in the dark...) They're like tiny spasms, and they actually prevent me from sleeping and have caused me to be insomniac. Has anyone experienced this before? - -Last night was particularly challenging. As I was falling asleep, I felt in my head, a huge spasm-like sensation accompanied with a loud sound. My chest was being ""sucked in."" I don't have the precise words to describe the experience, but I felt fearful for my life and my health. Please let me know if these experiences are familiar to you...",1,getting lot internal tremor specifically attempt sleep fully relaxed mind anxious start feel tremor come especially head back head almost body want sleep context developed fear sleeping dark like tiny spasm actually prevent sleeping caused insomniac anyone experienced last night particularly challenging falling asleep felt head huge spasm like sensation accompanied loud sound chest sucked precise word describe experience felt fearful life health please let know experience familiar -"I was married for 5 years to a man with extreme anxiety. He was my first boyfriend and husband and I had been with him since I was a teenager so I didn’t know any different. I’m 30 now. - -We divorced because of his many mental issues he wouldn’t get help for. His depression and anxiety was contagious and killed our marriage. His parents are also extremely anxious. - -I had always been very anxious since we had been together and I just thought that’s how I was and I couldn’t change it but since we’ve been separated for a while now my anxiety has stopped. Not completely but most of it is gone. - -When you’re with someone who you trust and love deeply and they make trivial things into a huge deal it messes with your perception on how to feel and react. Unbeknownst to me I was depending on him to determine how I should feel. I know I shouldn’t have but I did because I was young and in love and didn’t know any better. - -Now that I depend on myself since I have no other choice, I’ve acclimated very well to handling life and situations. - -When we would do things together or have an issue that needed to be fixed his anxiety would make things seem ten times worse than what they really were. - -It’s not his fault. I still love him unfortunately and I’m not sure I’ll ever get over him but we weren’t good for each other in the long haul. He’s such a wonderful person aside from his mental issues. - -The world is a lot more clear now. I know how to determine what is a real problem and how to handle it without the elevated emotions that come with it.",1,married year man extreme anxiety first boyfriend husband since teenager know different 0 divorced many mental issue get help depression anxiety contagious killed marriage parent also extremely anxious always anxious since together thought change since separated anxiety stopped completely gone someone trust love deeply make trivial thing huge deal mess perception feel react unbeknownst depending determine feel know young love know better depend since choice acclimated well handling life situation would thing together issue needed fixed anxiety would make thing seem ten time worse really fault still love unfortunately sure ever get good long haul wonderful person aside mental issue world lot clear know determine real problem handle without elevated emotion come -,1,nan -I had to return a phone call from last week on an anxiety-inducing topic. I already have problems with talking on the phone. I thought I'd do it first thing in the morning and get on with my work but of course I had to leave voicemail and now I'm waiting for the call back and I can't think about anything else. I'm going to take an Ativan for the first time in about a month. I'm like a deer in the headlights at present.,1,return phone call last week anxiety inducing topic already problem talking phone thought first thing morning get work course leave voicemail waiting call back think anything else going take ativan first time month like deer headlight present -"Since I was little I have been raised to never respond when I think people are wrong or when they scold me, so I learned to just keep it all. Since I moved alone to another city, I have tried to express myself better without being aggressive, but lately I have noticed that when I express my emotions or thoughts, people get angry or upset with me, so I have been thinking for some time that maybe everyone prefers my submissive version that does not mention what I thinks to my most assertive self and that from my perspective it is my true self. Maybe my personality is wrong and I really should change it? Or maybe I just don't have the tact to give my opinion? advice for any of those options would help me a lot, thanks",1,since little raised never respond think people wrong scold learned keep since moved alone another city tried express better without aggressive lately noticed express emotion thought people get angry upset thinking time maybe everyone prefers submissive version mention think assertive self perspective true self maybe personality wrong really change maybe tact give opinion advice option would help lot thanks -"So hey there, some might have read my update with my first make out with my boyfriend. Well ever since then I felt… different… I don’t know if sexy is the right word or not but something makes me feel bolder… - -It came to a head on my date yesterday. A part of me just wanted to make out again and I knew we couldn’t do it at home cause my family were there. So in the car before he’s about to drive to head home… I suddenly hug and kiss the same way as before. The thing is I used to NEVER be this bold! I should be happy about this new side to build confidence… - -But in the end I keep thinking what if it scares him off or I go to far… so far he seems very happy with this so I guess I shouldn’t worry but has anyone else felt different around their significant other?",1,hey might read update first make boyfriend well ever since felt different know sexy right word something make feel bolder came head date yesterday part wanted make knew home cause family car drive head home suddenly hug kiss way thing used never bold happy new side build confidence end keep thinking scare go far far seems happy guess worry anyone else felt different around significant -"I have been struggling with anxiety and panic attacks for most of my life, but I finally seem to have gotten a handle on it for the time being. I still have stress and anxiety from time to time, but the panic attacks are much less frequent (I actually can't remember when I last had one.. and I used to have them A LOT) and when they do come, I'm better able to handle them. - -So, I've been able to get out into the world a bit more now, but there is one problem that is still lingering from when I was more anxious: I can't tell whether my desire to say no to certain things is because I genuinely don't want to do it, or because of anxiety. - -Although I wouldn't call myself agoraphobic anymore, I still always have the automatic urge to say no to anything anyone asks me to do. I understand that about myself, and usually it's enough to give myself some time to think it over (or not think about it at all) and then I'm able to decide that it IS actually something I wanted to do, I am just nervous. - -But lately I've been feeling this intense urge to avoid doing certain things, and I don't know if it's because my anxiety is creeping back in, or because I just don't want to do them. My mind tells me I just don't want to, but as you all know, our minds are not always the best reference. - -For example, I moved from the US to Italy and I finally mustered up the courage to join a book club in my new town to try to make some friends here (the other members are Italian, but we all discuss the books in English, which is awesome because I can speak more freely that way). I was really anxious the first time, but it turned out to be great. It was really fun, and I couldn't wait to go again... until right before the next meeting, when I got anxious again. Again it was fine, though, and this happened three or four times. But, every time I was actually AT the book club, I wasn't anxious, the only problem was the anticipation. - -But, after the first couple meetings, the book club itself started to be less enjoyable. Aside from one or two other members, no one is very nice or talkative and hardly anyone reads the book, and for the last few meetings we have only discussed depressing (and completely-unrelated-to-the-book) things like war and death and COVID -- all the things I read and go to the book club to escape from for a while. Also, my being American apparently makes me like an ambassador and the leader of the group keeps asking me for the ""American opinion"" on this or what this or that is like in America, and I usually have to tell them about stuff that isn't great (like health care, police brutality issues, etc.). It isn't fun anymore, and there is also the added problem of the leader of the book club sending me messages outside the group asking me to edit her assignments she has to do for a magazine, and while she's way over the top with her gratitude about it, I feel like she is just using me, which is making me not want to go even more. - -So, now every time there is a meeting coming up, I again get that feeling like I don't want to go... but now I'm thinking I might just genuinely not want to go because it's not fun, not just because of the anticipatory anxiety. Last time I actually skipped it, but I felt the same kind of guilty feeling I feel when I skip something because I'm anxious. - -This week there's another meeting and again I just don't want to go (even though I read the book), but I don't know if I should push through it and see if it's a better meeting this time, or just listen to my gut and skip it again and/or quit the club. I really wanted it to be good, though, because I love books and I was hoping to make friends here! - -Does anyone have any advice? - -TL;DR: How do you tell the difference between not wanting to do something because of anxiety and just not wanting to do it when you can't trust your own gut to tell you?",1,struggling anxiety panic attack life finally seem gotten handle time still stress anxiety time time panic attack much le frequent actually remember last one used lot come better able handle able get world bit one problem still lingering anxious tell whether desire say certain thing genuinely want anxiety although call agoraphobic anymore still always automatic urge say anything anyone asks understand usually enough give time think think able decide actually something wanted nervous lately feeling intense urge avoid certain thing know anxiety creeping back want mind tell want know mind always best reference example moved u italy finally mustered courage join book club new town try make friend member italian discus book english awesome speak freely way really anxious first time turned great really fun wait go right next meeting got anxious fine though happened three four time every time actually book club anxious problem anticipation first couple meeting book club started le enjoyable aside one two member one nice talkative hardly anyone read book last meeting discussed depressing completely unrelated book thing like war death covid thing read go book club escape also american apparently make like ambassador leader group keep asking american opinion like america usually tell stuff great like health care police brutality issue etc fun anymore also added problem leader book club sending message outside group asking edit assignment magazine way top gratitude feel like using making want go even every time meeting coming get feeling like want go thinking might genuinely want go fun anticipatory anxiety last time actually skipped felt kind guilty feeling feel skip something anxious week another meeting want go even though read book know push see better meeting time listen gut skip quit club really wanted good though love book hoping make friend anyone advice tl dr tell difference wanting something anxiety wanting trust gut tell -"My anxiety makes it almost impossible for me to talk on the phone, even people I'm not anxious around irl, I get panicked with on a phone call. - -So 99% of the time I don't answer calls and definetly don't call people. -Well now I had to answer as is was a pretty important call and I'm pretty calm after it, like usually my hearts beating like crazy, I'm sweating and my voice breaks during and after. -But now I'm pretty, I just feel short of breath and am a little shaky, but I think it went pretty well! -My voice still broke during the call, but not as badly as most times",1,anxiety make almost impossible talk phone even people anxious around irl get panicked phone call 99 time answer call definetly call people well answer pretty important call pretty calm like usually heart beating like crazy sweating voice break pretty feel short breath little shaky think went pretty well voice still broke call badly time -"I have a small business, we got a meeting with our biggest client ever… and I called them by their competitors name. I’m so scared I cost us the deal.",1,small business got meeting biggest client ever called competitor name scared cost u deal -"Hi , I never went to counselor or therapist, I don’t know how to find decent counselor, and what would be the cost ? 1 hr cost ? What ever per session cost ? I stay in US, Colorado - centennial - -This is for anxiety issues - -I know I can google and find, but as I don’t have any experience I am unable to judge the price etc., I am looking for low price and good counselor -Thanks",1,hi never went counselor therapist know find decent counselor would cost hr cost ever per session cost stay u colorado centennial anxiety issue know google find experience unable judge price etc looking low price good counselor thanks -"I would like to disconnect myself from this world shit because it causes me even to not sleep some days. I managed to do some things because I'm a moderate-intense social media user. The easiest solution would be ""just stop using social media"". And I would like so, but I have ADHD and I can't just stop using it, I dont find other ways to entertain me. I'm gamer and I would like to enjoy mobile games but It feels super inconvenient playing on a touch screen, also some of them drains battery so quickly and I get bored so quick of them. These are some things I already managed to do: - -* I'm currently using Sync for Reddit so I can mute words about w4r related, this was my major concern. Also on PC I'm using RES, so I could do the same. -* On PC I have an extension called Simple Twitter. Which allows me to remove trendings and having more like an iPad Twitter experience -* Luckily, TikTok and YouTube algorithm doesnt shows me content I don't like to see, everything is funny or accurate about what I like. - -My major concerns are: - -* Mobile Twitter even I have muted words, it shows me news I DONT WANT TO SEE. My TL is fine but Its going to search and I see those clickbaity trends which most of times I enjoy but always has Rvssia-Ukra1ne shit I dont want to see. -* My family always puts news on TV even I always say I dont lile to see them, even I always suggest to turn off the TV, or simply switch channel, The Simpson it's always at lunch times for example. The situation was the same even on early covid season in 2020 when nobody knew anything, always the news were ""COVID DE4THS INCREASES TO X"" ""PRESIDENT DECLARES LOCKDOWN/SHUT DOWN SOME COMERCES"", etc etc -* Everywere I like to see has somewhere ""Support for Ukr4ine"", which, dont misunderstand me, I support and donated for the cause and I wish the best for them but It still reminds me about the problem which I dont like to see. This is the minor concern but it doesnt help me to be calm - - -I would appreciate other ways I can entertain me when I'm exempt from responsibilities. Thank you in advance",1,would like disconnect world shit cause even sleep day managed thing moderate intense social medium user easiest solution would stop using social medium would like adhd stop using dont find way entertain gamer would like enjoy mobile game feel super inconvenient playing touch screen also drain battery quickly get bored quick thing already managed currently using sync reddit mute word w r related major concern also pc using re could pc extension called simple twitter allows remove trendings like ipad twitter experience luckily tiktok youtube algorithm doesnt show content like see everything funny accurate like major concern mobile twitter even muted word show news dont want see tl fine going search see clickbaity trend time enjoy always rvssia ukra ne shit dont want see family always put news tv even always say dont lile see even always suggest turn tv simply switch channel simpson always lunch time example situation even early covid season 0 0 nobody knew anything always news covid de th increase x president declares lockdown shut comerces etc etc everywere like see somewhere support ukr ine dont misunderstand support donated cause wish best still reminds problem dont like see minor concern doesnt help calm would appreciate way entertain exempt responsibility thank advance -I'm so anxious about going to the therapist today. I just dont feel comfortable for some reason. idk im just losing my mind over this...,1,anxious going therapist today dont feel comfortable reason idk im losing mind -"I get really bad anxiety when I cant my breathing. I feel like my breathing will sound eratic and too loud people around me. Have to have to have one headphone to the side so I hear it or I get severe anxiety. I also feel this way when I write or type as, even though I can hear myself im not focusing on it and it think ""oh no I sounded weird didnt I"" in regards to my breathing. I feel like im making people scared of me with how scary I probablly am acting from their pov. I want to stop this as it gives me severe anxiety around people.",1,get really bad anxiety cant breathing feel like breathing sound eratic loud people around one headphone side hear get severe anxiety also feel way write type even though hear im focusing think oh sounded weird didnt regard breathing feel like im making people scared scary probablly acting pov want stop give severe anxiety around people -Does anyone here have anxiety about their status at their job? It makes me feel bad that I may possibly always be at the bottom of my company and won't ever be promoted to a more senior position. I feel like I've given up on myself in a way (I actually gave up on myself a long time ago). Why do I feel like past failures mean I can't improve myself now?,1,anyone anxiety status job make feel bad may possibly always bottom company ever promoted senior position feel like given way actually gave long time ago feel like past failure mean improve -Hi anyone get prescribed metroprolol ? My heart always feeling like it is racing I’m terrified to take it,1,hi anyone get prescribed metroprolol heart always feeling like racing terrified take -"31M - -I apologise greatly if this offends anyone, I can't help but think the worst. - -Back in 2020 I had a noticeable change in my bowel habits and Google dent me into a total spin. - -I had a FIT test in June 2020 which came back negative. - -I had a CT scan of my abdomen and pelvis with contrast in June 2020 which came back clear. - -I had a colonoscopy in August 2020, nothing was found. - -I had an MRCP in January 2021, all clear. - -Now March 2022 my symptoms have not eased and gotten worse, I have loose stool all of the time, if they are solid they are flat/ribbon, weight loss and persistant nausea. I don't have pain so I don't meet the IBS criteria. My consultant now wants to carry out a CT colonography and a chest CT, I am worried that something has been missed from 2020 and it has sat on the back burner for nearly 2 years :(.",1,apologise greatly offends anyone help think worst back 0 0 noticeable change bowel habit google dent total spin fit test june 0 0 came back negative ct scan abdomen pelvis contrast june 0 0 came back clear colonoscopy august 0 0 nothing found mrcp january 0 clear march 0 symptom eased gotten worse loose stool time solid flat ribbon weight loss persistant nausea pain meet ibs criterion consultant want carry ct colonography chest ct worried something missed 0 0 sat back burner nearly year -"Hello everyone, I’m a 21 year old male with extreme anxiety. I grew up in poverty & was very aware of that at a young age. I started smoking weed around 12 every weekend turned into everyday when I was around 14. I got introduced to Xanax at 15 which didn’t last long due to me coming home blacked out & realizing the pain & disappointment I caused to my mother. At 16 I was introduced to acid that turned into every weekend for about 3 months. In this same year my dad passed from a long time H use, the beginning to my mental destruction. We couldn’t afford to bury my father one of the roughest times of my life! I started selling drugs which I got very money hungry & would do anything if it made me a few dollars. Started out robbing kids at my school which turned into robbing older guys. Started partying & got introduced to cocaine that didn’t last Long after my girlfriend told my mom because she knew that was the only way I would stop. Around 3 months later me & my girlfriend got into a accident due to a lady not paying attention. My girlfriend had a broken femur I had a broken ankle & a TBI (traumatic Brian injury). During are time of recovery I was taking a shower while someone broke into my house & stole my safe roughly 35k cash. At this point I’m 17 & mentally lost not going to school with no future in sight. Due to the broken ankle as well as the tbi I didn’t get out much. My best of friends not checking up on me was rough at this point I realized I improved so much, I stopped selling/ robbing/ using all at the cost of not leaving my house. That lasted roughly 2 years. Around this time covid hit, my older brother became a extreme alcoholic as well as my mother. I allowed everything around me to fully consume me. Reality hit one morning after daily regret & suicidal thoughts everyday. I came to the conclusion my only way out is to force myself. Me & my girlfriend ended up moving a town over my first time on my own with extreme anxiety & depression. I started a landscaping company going door to door finding work( something I could have never imagined, I avoided human contact for 2 years) That lasted all summer one of the happiest times of my life. I still have extreme anxiety, my hands shake uncontrollably with a shakey voice & due to my anxiety & past I avoided going to the doctor for medicine as well as the dentist & check ups. I finally no longer let it control me or what I do. all the dark days & endless thoughts,seeing a light at the end of the tunnel is unimaginable but I damn sure see it. God is good! Time heals everything. Someone always has it 10 times worse. Embrace the rainy days they won’t last forever if you stick around. Kinda just rambling but I’m sure this can help someone💪🏽❤️",1,hello everyone year old male extreme anxiety grew poverty amp aware young age started smoking weed around every weekend turned everyday around got introduced xanax last long due coming home blacked amp realizing pain amp disappointment caused mother introduced acid turned every weekend month year dad passed long time h use beginning mental destruction afford bury father one roughest time life started selling drug got money hungry amp would anything made dollar started robbing kid school turned robbing older guy started partying amp got introduced cocaine last long girlfriend told mom knew way would stop around month later amp girlfriend got accident due lady paying attention girlfriend broken femur broken ankle amp tbi traumatic brian injury time recovery taking shower someone broke house amp stole safe roughly k cash point amp mentally lost going school future sight due broken ankle well tbi get much best friend checking rough point realized improved much stopped selling robbing using cost leaving house lasted roughly year around time covid hit older brother became extreme alcoholic well mother allowed everything around fully consume reality hit one morning daily regret amp suicidal thought everyday came conclusion way force amp girlfriend ended moving town first time extreme anxiety amp depression started landscaping company going door door finding work something could never imagined avoided human contact year lasted summer one happiest time life still extreme anxiety hand shake uncontrollably shakey voice amp due anxiety amp past avoided going doctor medicine well dentist amp check ups finally longer let control dark day amp endless thought seeing light end tunnel unimaginable damn sure see god good time heals everything someone always 0 time worse embrace rainy day last forever stick around kinda rambling sure help someone -"I'm 30f and I'll start this by saying that my diagnosis is mostly a doctor telling once that I might have GAD, but I haven't had further tests done yet. Not that I need them because the symptoms are all there and it's pretty obvious to me. - -&nbsp; - -I stress a lot about most things, future plans, work, health, etc.. Being on the phone is something that gives me extreme anxiety as well, and this is impacting my work. - -I'm lucky enough to be able to work from home, which is great because I don't have to put on the happy/sociable face all day long. But there's still plenty of calls/meetings happening over Teams, and those still give me a lot of anxiety, to the point that even a 5 minute talk with someone will leave me sweaty. I'm able to sound friendly and sociable on the call, but as soon as it's over, that's all gone and I'll just feel like crap. I'm not 30 and some days I honestly do not know how I am supposed to endure this for another 30 years. The job I had previous to this one was in Customer support, inbound calls. People told me that exposure to it would help me, but honestly, I hated every second of it and I feel it's only gotten worse since then. - -&nbsp; - -Right now I'm at a loss, and starting to consider quitting my job over this, but I also don't know of many jobs that allow me to WFH while keeping meetings and calls to a minimum. If everything was done via chat/email, I'd honestly feel great about that, but it feels like this society was built by and for extroverts, and I'm just an outlier that doesn't fit anywhere..",1,0f start saying diagnosis mostly doctor telling might gad test done yet need symptom pretty obvious amp nbsp stress lot thing future plan work health etc phone something give extreme anxiety well impacting work lucky enough able work home great put happy sociable face day long still plenty call meeting happening team still give lot anxiety point even minute talk someone leave sweaty able sound friendly sociable call soon gone feel like crap 0 day honestly know supposed endure another 0 year job previous one customer support inbound call people told exposure would help honestly hated every second feel gotten worse since amp nbsp right loss starting consider quitting job also know many job allow wfh keeping meeting call minimum everything done via chat email honestly feel great feel like society built extrovert outlier fit anywhere -"I'm a 23 year old guy and I've been struggling with this problem for quite some time (4 years): every time my girlfriend, who I trust more than anyone in this world, goes to a party without me and she gets high or drunk, I have strong anxiety attacks. Just thinking about it is making me shaking in fear, and I can't understand why. - -I like to get drunk and high too, I find it funny to spend a night messing around, I don't think it's that bad or that makes you a bad person, but when my emotions, my inner fear, kick in I completely lose my mind, and I start to think that I don't want a partner that ""indulge in those kind of behaviors"", as if I had this image of purity of her that gets broken by the thought of her enjoying a joint, something ""bad people do"". - -I don't understand, it's like some cognitive dissonance. For some background, I used to be quite bullied back in high school by those who went out the night to get drunk or that smoke weed, maybe that could have led me to associate those behaviors (that have nothing to do with the moral integrity of a person) with a certain type of people. -Could it be? - -Please, let me know what you think and if you have similar experiences, I'll gladly read all your suggestions and comments, thank you♥️",1,year old guy struggling problem quite time year every time girlfriend trust anyone world go party without get high drunk strong anxiety attack thinking making shaking fear understand like get drunk high find funny spend night messing around think bad make bad person emotion inner fear kick completely lose mind start think want partner indulge kind behavior image purity get broken thought enjoying joint something bad people understand like cognitive dissonance background used quite bullied back high school went night get drunk smoke weed maybe could led associate behavior nothing moral integrity person certain type people could please let know think similar experience gladly read suggestion comment thank -"hi!! i just wanted to ask if any of you feel like anxiety is a major reason why you procrastinate? which completely affects the way you spend your time, your sleep, your state of mind and then your grades? or if you know the difference between normal procrastination and one driven by anxiety? or is anxiety procrastination completely separated and unrelated to anxiety? (as in people who don't deal with symptoms of anxiety can also be said to have anxiety procrastination?) oh yea i also get super anxious when i think about how my teachers would view my progress/grades/how i act in class like i'm actually v scared of this idk if this is normal tho? hopefully i make sense :) - -thank you and have a great rest of the day <3",1,hi wanted ask feel like anxiety major reason procrastinate completely affect way spend time sleep state mind grade know difference normal procrastination one driven anxiety anxiety procrastination completely separated unrelated anxiety people deal symptom anxiety also said anxiety procrastination oh yea also get super anxious think teacher would view progress grade act class like actually v scared idk normal tho hopefully make sense thank great rest day lt -"Life’s rushing towards me at 120km/h and instead of going forward I just stand there, scared shitless and watch the headlights getting closer…",1,life rushing towards 0km h instead going forward stand scared shitless watch headlight getting closer -"I hate it! I barely sleep on my weekend off days. Have to wake up early for work and I still feel tired. - -Usually everyday when I wake up for work I automatically have to go to the bathroom. Must be my anxiety because my off days I don't. - -My work is great and I work by myself and see basically no one all 10 hours. But still I won't be at home lol.",1,hate barely sleep weekend day wake early work still feel tired usually everyday wake work automatically go bathroom must anxiety day work great work see basically one 0 hour still home lol -"The world has been nothing short of a flaming corpse trash fire in these past few weeks. There's no doubt about that. But recently, I can feel it around others when I'm out in public. No, I don't have superpowers lol. I'm just saying that I've been getting this kind of collective ""I'm so done with this shit"" vibe when I'm out in public. I don't know how else to explain it, but everyone seems so exhausted and fed up. It's like a butterfly effect since a lot of people have the same vibe right now, I guess. - -Despite a lot of us being on the other side of the world, it's certainly hard not to feel just how crazy these past few weeks have been. It's like the pandemic already fucked people up for two years, but now 2022 just wants to kick us while we're down with the current war. It's neverending. - -It's been hard for me as well. I've kind of been burying my head in the sand and focusing heavily on work and video games... because holy shit is this world completely fucked up. Not to mention there's nothing I can really do about the situation, and dwelling on it and obsessing over it isn't going to change the outcome. - -Even my friends on social media have been talking a lot about how they've been strangely depressed lately. This situation is affecting everyone. - -But with that said, I really hope everyone pulls through the rest of this month. I'm no military specialist so I'm not even going to try and act like I know when all this will end, but I hope the worst is over and that the war ends soon. - -There's a common saying - ""Things will get worse before they get better"". I really hope that doesn't apply to the current situation. The world needs a break. Wishing everyone the best this week, and stay encouraged.",1,world nothing short flaming corpse trash fire past week doubt recently feel around others public superpower lol saying getting kind collective done shit vibe public know else explain everyone seems exhausted fed like butterfly effect since lot people vibe right guess despite lot u side world certainly hard feel crazy past week like pandemic already fucked people two year 0 want kick u current war neverending hard well kind burying head sand focusing heavily work video game holy shit world completely fucked mention nothing really situation dwelling obsessing going change outcome even friend social medium talking lot strangely depressed lately situation affecting everyone said really hope everyone pull rest month military specialist even going try act like know end hope worst war end soon common saying thing get worse get better really hope apply current situation world need break wishing everyone best week stay encouraged -,1,nan -"Two days ago, I made a comment to my SiL. I had forgotten some things that had happened that week and what I said came across as completely insensitive and thoughtless. -I have since apologised and they have accepted my apology. But there hasn't been 2 minutes in the following days where I haven't thought about what I said and what a mistake it was. -I feel sick, I can barely sleep and the panic attacks are 1 every 5 mins, where I can't breathe and just feel like I'm drowning. I have doubled my dose of sertraline because I simply cannot let go of what I've said. This in turn has increased the side effects of the sertraline. -Anxiety sucks. I just want to turn my brain off.",1,two day ago made comment sil forgotten thing happened week said came across completely insensitive thoughtless since apologised accepted apology minute following day thought said mistake feel sick barely sleep panic attack every min breathe feel like drowning doubled dose sertraline simply let go said turn increased side effect sertraline anxiety suck want turn brain -"I’ll go first, I got rejected recently. It happens a lot to me, it’s my 5th time now. I can’t stop being anxious abt it. It sickens me thinking abt it and Idek why I’m still anxious abt it. I also have bipolar disorder so that makes things even better.",1,go first got rejected recently happens lot th time stop anxious abt sickens thinking abt idek still anxious abt also bipolar disorder make thing even better -"I have irrational fears of a home invasion/being attacked by a stranger. For context even things like *elderly women with canes* walking behind me sends me into panic mode. - -Me and my fiancé just bought our first home together after renting for 7 years. Instead of me being able to rest after a LONG day of moving, I am instead laying awake because the house is settling every 10 seconds and I keep thinking it’s an intruder coming to kill me. This has been going on for two hours. My heart keeps pounding out of my chest randomly and I keep getting so frozen with fear that I hold my breath. My mind is working overtime playing escape plan/confrontation scenarios on repeat so I can’t relax. This is so fucking irrational I hate it. I’ve been this way as long as I can remember but ugh... I know why houses creek, I also know this home is older (which is something I love about it during the day), but I cannot seem to think logically about this. Every pop, creek, and bang is sending me into panic mode and I don’t have any remedies. - -I’m sick of being constantly on alert for no reason. This is an extremely safe neighborhood and I should not need to be this worried over NOTHING. Some nights are better than others, but why do I even have to go through this at all? - -I apologize for the rant, but I am so exhausted and I just want to sleep but I keep getting snapped awake 😭",1,irrational fear home invasion attacked stranger context even thing like elderly woman cane walking behind sends panic mode fianc bought first home together renting year instead able rest long day moving instead laying awake house settling every 0 second keep thinking intruder coming kill going two hour heart keep pounding chest randomly keep getting frozen fear hold breath mind working overtime playing escape plan confrontation scenario repeat relax fucking irrational hate way long remember ugh know house creek also know home older something love day seem think logically every pop creek bang sending panic mode remedy sick constantly alert reason extremely safe neighborhood need worried nothing night better others even go apologize rant exhausted want sleep keep getting snapped awake -"Hello, - -This is my first time posting to reddit. I am having difficulty choosing between two job opportunities. - -The first is a one hour commute one way and is on-site. The job comes with pension and benefits as well as potential for career growth. The second is 100% remote with limited potential for career growth. The hours are flexible and I would not have to go into the office. The downside is that the job appears to be boring and it will be difficult to get to know my coworkers. The downside of the first job is that it could turn out to be a more stressful but maybe more stimulating job. - -I have been so anxious about the decision that I have been cycling through choosing one or the other job over a period of several days. I have been having stress headaches and trying to solve the problem internally but with little resolution. - -What is your opinion on WFH versus on-site? What is your opinion of taking a job you know to be boring? For people with anxiety, how does WFH work for you? Does it increase your worry or does it help you manage? - -How do you make a decision when either option does not seem to be a clear winner? - -Many thanks.",1,hello first time posting reddit difficulty choosing two job opportunity first one hour commute one way site job come pension benefit well potential career growth second 00 remote limited potential career growth hour flexible would go office downside job appears boring difficult get know coworkers downside first job could turn stressful maybe stimulating job anxious decision cycling choosing one job period several day stress headache trying solve problem internally little resolution opinion wfh versus site opinion taking job know boring people anxiety wfh work increase worry help manage make decision either option seem clear winner many thanks -" - -I wonder if someone else feels the same and maybe someone here has already found ways to overcome it - -I live in small town now ,but in the past I lived in the big city and had no problem with heights.... - -It just started several years ago ..I am afraid of entering building which is very tall ,I can't go beyond 4th floor without strong anxiety... - -Even going to the city and looking at all super high buildings makes me quite anxious ...so far my anxiety is somehow manageable but I am afraid it may get worse in future since I avoid going to the cities as much as possible - -I do not live in the city so sadly I can't practice and be exposed to my fear ...will I feel any relief after guided visualization ? any advises ?",1,wonder someone else feel maybe someone already found way overcome live small town past lived big city problem height started several year ago afraid entering building tall go beyond th floor without strong anxiety even going city looking super high building make quite anxious far anxiety somehow manageable afraid may get worse future since avoid going city much possible live city sadly practice exposed fear feel relief guided visualization advises -"So I'm a pretty shut in, introverted person (23 He/They), And moved to a new place just before the pandemic so as a result have no local irl friends. So mid pandemic I got on twitter. And met loads of people who came and went. However I met 3 people (she/her x2 and She/they) who I truly love hanging out with. But here's the hard part. For pretty much the entirety of last year we hung out maybe 3 or 4 times a week. Watching movies on discord or playing games. Always talking and indirecting each other, interacting constantly, cheesy ily, ily more messages all that sort of thing. -Then just after Christmas it all just kinda... Stopped. But only for me. I found out the 3 of them made a new gc without me, they talk about each other on the tl constantly but never mention me, and we haven't hung out in over a month. I've messaged them a couple of times about this and had it explained that they still like me and still want to hang out but they're just busy. But my brain is reading into everything so hard. They're still constantly interacting with each other and I never get any responses. I can't stop thinking about every little thing. One time one ""wanted to play games in bed by herself"" and then 30 minutes later I saw them all playing on discord without me assuming I'd gone to bed. - -I just don't know whether I'm reading too hard into this or if I genuinely need to say something. Every time I see so much as a comment or message somewhere else my head gets so loud and I just feel like crying constantly. I've never really been able to keep friends for more than a couple of years. And the only ones I trusted enough to talk to about stuff are the 3 I'm not sure I can talk to any more. So as a result here I am reddit what can I do",1,pretty shut introverted person moved new place pandemic result local irl friend mid pandemic got twitter met load people came went however met people x truly love hanging hard part pretty much entirety last year hung maybe time week watching movie discord playing game always talking indirecting interacting constantly cheesy ily ily message sort thing christmas kinda stopped found made new gc without talk tl constantly never mention hung month messaged couple time explained still like still want hang busy brain reading everything hard still constantly interacting never get response stop thinking every little thing one time one wanted play game bed 0 minute later saw playing discord without assuming gone bed know whether reading hard genuinely need say something every time see much comment message somewhere else head get loud feel like cry constantly never really able keep friend couple year one trusted enough talk stuff sure talk result reddit -"im getting diagnosed with pure ocd and my doctor told me i most likely have an anxiety disorder as well. - -i never put myself in stressful situations so i dident really think about it i dropped out of school",1,im getting diagnosed pure ocd doctor told likely anxiety disorder well never put stressful situation dident really think dropped school -"I have somatization disorder, which essentially is whenever I try to do something that may cause me anxiety I end up making myself physically ill. I cause myself physical symptoms unconsciously. Does anyone else deal with this? I am not able to leave my house most of the time which has caused a strain on friendships and school.",1,somatization disorder essentially whenever try something may cause anxiety end making physically ill cause physical symptom unconsciously anyone else deal able leave house time caused strain friendship school -"After over 6 years of dealing with daily anxiety, I feel like I need to heed my docs advice and get on medication. I know a lot of people will say that it’s not, but I feel like a loser and a weak person for not having enough strength to overcome my anxiety alone. I look in the mirror every day and hate myself for not being able to get past this. For 6 sickening years I’ve been trying to deal with this on my own. Every night I go to sleep exhausted saying the next day will be different. Sometimes I have better days. Most days are just a grind to pull myself out of the anxiety. I don’t mind working hard, but I spend hours upon hours obsessing about my health. Any little ache, pain, bump, or bruise sends me into a panic. I have heart palpitations on the regular. I can’t sleep at night. I’ve tried working out. Lost 65lbs, walk for hours on end, listen to positive messages, stopped drinking, and yet the anxiety won’t let go of me. I pray to god to help me, to give me an answer on whether or not I should get on medication. I think god might be telling me it’s time. Instead of enjoying the movements with my family, I’m checking my pulse, worrying about cancer, is that palpitation a heart attack, was the doctor wrong when he said I’m healthy? It follows me every where. It’s become my closest evil little friend. And yet, I hate myself for not being able to kick it. Why am I so weak? Why can’t I tell it to fuck off and never come back? Why if it’s my own brain, can I not control it? I feel like if I just keep pushing, I can defeat it without meds. But it’s been 6 years, and I don’t want another 6 to go by living like a tortured animal just waiting for it to all end. Maybe I’m just scared to go on meds. I don’t know. - -If anyone can see themselves in what I’m saying, can you please let me know what, if any, meds have helped you? I’m not looking for medical advice. But when I talk to my doc I’d like to have some ideas of what he might be recommending. Anyways, long post. Thanks for listening.",1,year dealing daily anxiety feel like need heed doc advice get medication know lot people say feel like loser weak person enough strength overcome anxiety alone look mirror every day hate able get past sickening year trying deal every night go sleep exhausted saying next day different sometimes better day day grind pull anxiety mind working hard spend hour upon hour obsessing health little ache pain bump bruise sends panic heart palpitation regular sleep night tried working lost lb walk hour end listen positive message stopped drinking yet anxiety let go pray god help give answer whether get medication think god might telling time instead enjoying movement family checking pulse worrying cancer palpitation heart attack doctor wrong said healthy follows every become closest evil little friend yet hate able kick weak tell fuck never come back brain control feel like keep pushing defeat without med year want another go living like tortured animal waiting end maybe scared go med know anyone see saying please let know med helped looking medical advice talk doc like idea might recommending anyways long post thanks listening -"Ativan is the only one that works for me and shuts my anxiety up but lately i have been depending on it WAY too much - -i have been taking up to 2 mg of ativan everyday for the last few weeks because of A LOT Of stress in my life and it is the only thing that helps with my ocd and intense panic attacks - -im worries to death about developing some sort of dependency but idk what else to go to……lexapro helps but not as well?? - -i have been thinking about maybe taking lyrica instead since it helps with anxiety/epilepsy and seems fairly similar to ativan?? and adding in clonidine for my physical anxiety? does anyone have any experience or recommendations? - -i have been limiting myself to only 2 mg and not going any higher but i am basically house bound with panic if i dont take it, so not taking something similar is not an option :((((",1,ativan one work shuts anxiety lately depending way much taking mg ativan everyday last week lot stress life thing help ocd intense panic attack im worry death developing sort dependency idk else go lexapro help well thinking maybe taking lyrica instead since help anxiety epilepsy seems fairly similar ativan adding clonidine physical anxiety anyone experience recommendation limiting mg going higher basically house bound panic dont take taking something similar option -"...It could be something you saw, you heard, you did, anything! Go! It may not be good enough for you but I still wanna hear it so please, please share :)",1,could something saw heard anything go may good enough still wan na hear please please share -"yup, i need to start being more independent since im getting my first job and my license all before june this year so doing these small things will only help me!",1,yup need start independent since im getting first job license june year small thing help -"I’ve been dealing with some really weird, painful burning throughout my abdomen and my entire middle the last few weeks. I don’t know if anxiety is the culprit, but it definitely makes it ten times worse. Does anyone have ways to reduce the effects of psychosomatic symptoms?",1,dealing really weird painful burning throughout abdomen entire middle last week know anxiety culprit definitely make ten time worse anyone way reduce effect psychosomatic symptom -"I have severe anxiety and OCD, and I avoided the dating scene until 2-3 years ago (because I honestly wanted to get over my fears and find someone). I was lucky to find a great partner and have been in a good, solid relationship for six months, yet somehow throughout this whole thing I’ve secretly become an absolute wreck. I’m constantly worrying if this is the right relationship, preoccupied with analyzing everything, trapped in my thoughts and making myself utterly miserable. Has anyone else experienced this, like is this standard for us anxious folks or is this actually a huge red flag that dating (or even this person) just isn’t for me? Thank you kindly for any advice :\",1,severe anxiety ocd avoided dating scene year ago honestly wanted get fear find someone lucky find great partner good solid relationship six month yet somehow throughout whole thing secretly become absolute wreck constantly worrying right relationship preoccupied analyzing everything trapped thought making utterly miserable anyone else experienced like standard u anxious folk actually huge red flag dating even person thank kindly advice -"I’m having a really hard time with my long distance bf right now. He’s going through a super low phase with his anxiety and every time we talk about anything emotional he shuts down. He says talking about the emotions stresses him out and any time i ask him how he’s doing he responds with things like “I’m okay”. I try to ask more questions but he’s just not giving me much. We used to be super affectionate and connected but now i feel like we barely are. Sometimes I feel so far away from him physically (obviously) but mentally and emotionally. I care a lot about emotional connection and I just really don’t know what to do. I’ve read books, listened to podcasts, have my own therapist but I still can’t help but feel super sad about it.. Does anyone have any advice?",1,really hard time long distance bf right going super low phase anxiety every time talk anything emotional shuts say talking emotion stress time ask responds thing like okay try ask question giving much used super affectionate connected feel like barely sometimes feel far away physically obviously mentally emotionally care lot emotional connection really know read book listened podcasts therapist still help feel super sad anyone advice -"yeah, i know it's pretty weird. but i've been experiencing this one since last night. i had trouble breathing but the right side seems fine. felt like the left side was the culprit. had a tough time drifting to sleep.",1,yeah know pretty weird experiencing one since last night trouble breathing right side seems fine felt like left side culprit tough time drifting sleep -PLs guys answer what u feel,1,pls guy answer u feel -,1,nan -"hey reddit family, ive had 2 seperate cases of severe panic disorder for about 3 years on and off, i used to take lexapro on the smallest dose, 2.5mg and then 5mg and it really helped me overcome my disorder completely the first time (end of 2019 into 2020) but when i got panic disorder a second time (end of 2020) from smoking weed (how i got panic first time), I noticed not much of an impact on the same dose 2.5mg but i was told multiple times to up my dose for it and i was too scared to so i quit the medication cold turkey, and got insane migraines/headaches (thinking someting in my head was gonna pop it was so bad) as a withdrawal i think and for the past year I’ve been medicine free but I still get panic attacks everyday (heart races everyday nonstop, evil bad thoughts), and I’m ready to get back on something, my doc prescribed me celexa but I’m very unsure about trying it Bc I’ve been so used to take lexapro and i've been reading/watching other ppl's experience on celexa and the side effects and they seem a little more extreme but I’m just wondering what ur opinion would be, thank u so much for the help god bless!",1,hey reddit family ive seperate case severe panic disorder year used take lexapro smallest dose mg mg really helped overcome disorder completely first time end 0 9 0 0 got panic disorder second time end 0 0 smoking weed got panic first time noticed much impact dose mg told multiple time dose scared quit medication cold turkey got insane migraine headache thinking someting head gon na pop bad withdrawal think past year medicine free still get panic attack everyday heart race everyday nonstop evil bad thought ready get back something doc prescribed celexa unsure trying bc used take lexapro reading watching ppl experience celexa side effect seem little extreme wondering ur opinion would thank u much help god bless -"My anxiety is so bad right now I have been vomiting and have bad pain in my stomach and abdomen. Lots of sweating and extreme issues sleeping. Last night I didn’t fall asleep until 6am and woke up at 8am in a complete panic. Eating is very difficult for me right now and I have a sense of impending doom constantly. - -Is there anything any of you do that helps with this? How can I bring this up with my doctor without being committed or something? Should I get a short supply of benzos to get through this time? I just need some advice. - -Thank you.",1,anxiety bad right vomiting bad pain stomach abdomen lot sweating extreme issue sleeping last night fall asleep woke complete panic eating difficult right sense impending doom constantly anything help bring doctor without committed something get short supply benzos get time need advice thank -,1,nan -"i want to know how to stop anxiety while waiting. - -whenever i have a guest coming over, wether it be a friend or family or someone im interested in, i get severe anxiety. from the moment they say “on my way” to the moment they arrive, i feel hot all over, i want to throw up, and cry, and use the bathroom. and then as soon as they arrive and i see them im fine. - -for example, i called the man im interested in over for a booty call. he lives an hour away, so at 10:30 he texted me he was coming. for an hour i was asking my sister “should i cancel? i want to see him but i’m anxious.” and for that entire hour i was freaking out. the only thing that helped was sitting in the cold drive way and breathing in the night air. and then as soon as he arrived, i was fine. absolutely perfect. - -similar happened while i waited for guests to arrive to a house party i was throwing. - -i need help. i am on meds and in therapy. anything helps.",1,want know stop anxiety waiting whenever guest coming wether friend family someone im interested get severe anxiety moment say way moment arrive feel hot want throw cry use bathroom soon arrive see im fine example called man im interested booty call life hour away 0 0 texted coming hour asking sister cancel want see anxious entire hour freaking thing helped sitting cold drive way breathing night air soon arrived fine absolutely perfect similar happened waited guest arrive house party throwing need help med therapy anything help -She will stay with us for a year. I’m introverted and anxious so I don’t want anyone in my space 🥺 please give me some coping ideas 😢,1,stay u year introverted anxious want anyone space please give coping idea -"I just need to vent a little, I think. It's upsetting to be a student who knows the answers to your professor's questions, a student who wants to engage in discussions, but also a student unable to do so because of this ""silly little thing"" called anxiety. Cowardice, even, as I've been told. - -It's been an uphill battle ever since I started highschool. My grades have always been decent, but they're never as good as they can get because I can't speak up in class. I know the answers and when I don't, I can make intellectual guesses—not that I'm boasting, but it's something that I know would be well within my capabilities if I weren't so scared all the time. - -Whenever I'm called on to recite, it takes everything in me to keep the shakiness out of my voice in the online set-up—even if the question being asked is a simple, ""how was your weekend?"" I stutter and shake and sweat, as if my life is on the line. During face to face classes, I would visibly shake in front of the class and I've lost so many points time and time again because of that. The embarrassment and humiliation, even if no one laughs or picks fun at me outwardly, burns so badly. - -I guess it's doubly upsetting because I've been told that I just have no goal in life. And because of that, I can't bring myself to prepare for anything, then proceed to ""cry"" and complain about it when I'm unable to answer a question or perform well. - -""You deserve it, if you're not going to do anything about it."" - -Is it my fault? Was being so anxious that my mind would go blank at every question a choice? - -I do try! I don't back out when I have to speak in front of the class. I try my best to pretend that I'm not terrified out of my wits. I've joined a quiz bee or two, even if I could never bring myself to compete further than that. And I want to do more! I don't want the people who say I'm wasting opportunities, wasting my life!! to be right in the end. - -Maybe it's hard to believe. - -But it's just so tiring when you see everyone around you breeze by an obstacle that you need to spend hours and days on just to overcome. - -Imagine that: hyping yourself up to do a thing, accomplishing it, telling someone about it casually only for them to throw it back in your face because ""you couldn't do better than that?"" - -Ah, what a mess.",1,need vent little think upsetting student know answer professor question student want engage discussion also student unable silly little thing called anxiety cowardice even told uphill battle ever since started highschool grade always decent never good get speak class know answer make intellectual guess boasting something know would well within capability scared time whenever called recite take everything keep shakiness voice online set even question asked simple weekend stutter shake sweat life line face face class would visibly shake front class lost many point time time embarrassment humiliation even one laugh pick fun outwardly burn badly guess doubly upsetting told goal life bring prepare anything proceed cry complain unable answer question perform well deserve going anything fault anxious mind would go blank every question choice try back speak front class try best pretend terrified wit joined quiz bee two even could never bring compete want want people say wasting opportunity wasting life right end maybe hard believe tiring see everyone around breeze obstacle need spend hour day overcome imagine hyping thing accomplishing telling someone casually throw back face better ah mess -"So, I’m just going to get this off my chest. -I’m 18, and in one evening in the beginning of November, I went to go to sleep and felt like I couldn’t breath, I got up and was sweating, super fucking restless. So it was like a mini panic attack. -This panic attack has marked the most torturous months of my life. I wake up In the morning and the first feeling I have is a racing heart, that anxious feeling in my chest, shortness of breath, and it lasts CONSTANTLY until I have to take sleep aids to calm me down enough to sleep at night. I don’t understand.. why me? I eat healthy, I exercise and there is no family history of anxiety… It sucks because I’m not anxious about anything in particular, it’s the feeling.. so I’ve been sort of surviving on benzos not everyday, probs a few times a week since then. With lapses of about a week or so when I can’t get any. I just have been taking them to PREVENT the fucking anxiety starting. -I did have little times at the End of Dec, and around January/Feb for a week or two where I feel like it did go away but that might have been because I had benzos in my system and that’s why I felt ok. -I’ve been purposely cutting down my benzo use, so last week I used on Monday and didn’t use until Friday. I felt severe anxiety all of those days but didn’t crave the drugs or have any withdrawals, I only took them on Friday because I just wanted a fucking rest. It’s so stressful to feel like this all the time. I get so scared it’s never going to go away. I want to start an SSRI, but they take like 4 weeks to work!! I can’t wait that long. -Sorry for the rant..",1,going get chest one evening beginning november went go sleep felt like breath got sweating super fucking restless like mini panic attack panic attack marked torturous month life wake morning first feeling racing heart anxious feeling chest shortness breath last constantly take sleep aid calm enough sleep night understand eat healthy exercise family history anxiety suck anxious anything particular feeling sort surviving benzos everyday probs time week since lapse week get taking prevent fucking anxiety starting little time end dec around january feb week two feel like go away might benzos system felt ok purposely cutting benzo use last week used monday use friday felt severe anxiety day crave drug withdrawal took friday wanted fucking rest stressful feel like time get scared never going go away want start ssri take like week work wait long sorry rant -"I’m going to the eye doctor to get an eye exam today, and my anxiety is so bad because I’m so scared I have a serious eye disease or something! Does anyone else have anxiety about getting their eyes checked? I can’t breathe and I feel like throwing up…",1,going eye doctor get eye exam today anxiety bad scared serious eye disease something anyone else anxiety getting eye checked breathe feel like throwing -"I don't know if it's just me or if this is even a real thing. Whenever I'm like very anxious or overthinking too much, like going to some new place for writing an exam, attending a wedding of close relatives, - -It feels too overwhelming, I cannot remember anything I studied or sometimes it's like I know the answer to a question but I'm just unable to write or express it out. Even when greeting people during a wedding or some interaction I feel soo panicked Idk why. - -Not just these situations, many more like if I'm given a responsibility and I literally cannot sleep or stay calm for a second until I'm done with it. My mind tends to imagine, more like play numerous visuals that can go wrong with it. - -It's really very difficult and painful.",1,know even real thing whenever like anxious overthinking much like going new place writing exam attending wedding close relative feel overwhelming remember anything studied sometimes like know answer question unable write express even greeting people wedding interaction feel soo panicked idk situation many like given responsibility literally sleep stay calm second done mind tends imagine like play numerous visuals go wrong really difficult painful -"I've been bullied for 6 years at school because of my appearance - my nose - and it always made me sad and insecure. When it started I was 11, since then I take pictures of my face at least 20 pics everyday. Now I'm graduating from college, and I still feel the same way as I did 4 years ago. Whenever I am with friends and colleagues i keep thinking that in the inside all of them are laughing or thinking how ridiculous I am. When I take a selfie I find my nose to be 'normal', but when someone takes a picture and I'm in it, i find it so weird. Also I've always been very shy, but lately it got difficult cause everytime I'm on a conversation with someone I can't help wondering how they're 'seeing' me. I think its gonna get worse now that I need to get a job and talk to people that i don't know well. I just needed to say this",1,bullied year school appearance nose always made sad insecure started since take picture face least 0 pic everyday graduating college still feel way year ago whenever friend colleague keep thinking inside laughing thinking ridiculous take selfie find nose normal someone take picture find weird also always shy lately got difficult cause everytime conversation someone help wondering seeing think gon na get worse need get job talk people know well needed say -So I was formally diagnosed with an anxiety disorder roughy 6 months ago (I wasn’t all that surprised honestly). Recently I had felt like I was making some improvements and starting to feel better… but today has been horrible. I’ve been stressed out over a certain situation and I have no idea how to alleviate my fears. I just feel like I am ALWAYS going to feel this way and that any moments of happiness or peace that I feel will always be momentary…,1,formally diagnosed anxiety disorder roughy month ago surprised honestly recently felt like making improvement starting feel better today horrible stressed certain situation idea alleviate fear feel like always going feel way moment happiness peace feel always momentary -"I've just walked half an hour to my therapy appointment and I'm not even sure if my appointment is today or not. They didn't send a reminder. This is my second appointment with them. - -It should be today and I think she said next Monday but I feel like I'm going to embarrass myself by showing up and it's the wrong day. - -Not only that but I had another appointment today that I had to reschedule because I thought I wouldn't be able to make it but then I realised I read the time wrong and I would've made it. I'm just an idiot. - -I hate being me. - -Edit: it all worked out. I panicked over nothing like the idiot I am : D",1,walked half hour therapy appointment even sure appointment today send reminder second appointment today think said next monday feel like going embarrass showing wrong day another appointment today reschedule thought able make realised read time wrong would made idiot hate edit worked panicked nothing like idiot -,1,nan -" - -First off ive dealt with it my entire life since i was ab 8-9 yrs old. Im very familiar with the feeling of anxiety and I’ve experienced it in alot of forms. I was in a relationship for 2 years where i experienced the absolute worst of it. - -But i am not in that relationship anymore. I am a full time student again and im living life on my own accord now with my whole life ahead of me and i can do anything i want now im so glad to be where im at and i cant wait for what the future holds. I have no worry in the world anymore. - -Anyways here i am watching better call saul relaxing in my bed super comfortable in my mushroom blanket that i love so much and i just gradually out of nowhere, start to feel my chest get tight. Tight to the point where i want to poke a hole in my chest just to relieve the pressure. Obviously im not gonna do that but you get the idea. - -Im not panicking about anything while this is happening i mean when i feel my chest tighten then im like okay wtf is going on but before that, nothing. Im as relaxed as can be ready to go to sleep to wake up to next day ahead of me. - -And so i do some breathing exercises to try to relieve this chest tightness and i do feel really relaxed from doing them but that chest tightness is still there and again im not panicking of anything like i would from my traditional anxiety attack. - -Is this a new form of anxiety? Where my body is just like “You know what? Youre trying to go to sleep so im gonna make it hard to breathe for no reason bc you are finally happy in life with no worries so ill give you something to worry ab.” - -I read ab people having panic attacks out of nowhere and sometimes fainting even. But that has never happened to me. My anxiety attacks always stemmed from something. Regardless of how silly or insignificant it was, the anxiety would always come from SOMETHING. Like it wouldn’t just spontaneously erupt into an attack. - -So is this just a new form of anxiety im dealing with right now? Is there anything i can do? Breathing and relaxing exercises only make me calm mentally and really relax me but the uncomfortableness of my chest just being tight is preventing me from going to sleep. So i dont really know what to do if this is in fact just anxiety. - -What do you all think? Is this just an anxiety attack? Or are there other issues i should get checked out? Any response is appreciated - -TL;DR: Random chest tightness wont go away even with a calm and relaxed state of mind. Wondering if this is anxiety just attacking my body.",1,first ive dealt entire life since ab 9 yr old im familiar feeling anxiety experienced alot form relationship year experienced absolute worst relationship anymore full time student im living life accord whole life ahead anything want im glad im cant wait future hold worry world anymore anyways watching better call saul relaxing bed super comfortable mushroom blanket love much gradually nowhere start feel chest get tight tight point want poke hole chest relieve pressure obviously im gon na get idea im panicking anything happening mean feel chest tighten im like okay wtf going nothing im relaxed ready go sleep wake next day ahead breathing exercise try relieve chest tightness feel really relaxed chest tightness still im panicking anything like would traditional anxiety attack new form anxiety body like know youre trying go sleep im gon na make hard breathe reason bc finally happy life worry ill give something worry ab read ab people panic attack nowhere sometimes fainting even never happened anxiety attack always stemmed something regardless silly insignificant anxiety would always come something like spontaneously erupt attack new form anxiety im dealing right anything breathing relaxing exercise make calm mentally really relax uncomfortableness chest tight preventing going sleep dont really know fact anxiety think anxiety attack issue get checked response appreciated tl dr random chest tightness wont go away even calm relaxed state mind wondering anxiety attacking body -"I just wanted to share something that helps me with anxiety attacks, in case it helps someone else. There is this show called One Day At A Time (the 2017 reboot) that deals with many social issues and one of them is anxiety, and there is this one episode in season 3 (called ""Anxiety) that just helps me calm down so much for some reason, it's almost better than meds or plants. It deals with how to deal with anxiety attacks and is truly amazing. You can find the show on Netflix in most countries, and on the Internet too.",1,wanted share something help anxiety attack case help someone else show called one day time 0 reboot deal many social issue one anxiety one episode season called anxiety help calm much reason almost better med plant deal deal anxiety attack truly amazing find show netflix country internet -"I am prone to sinus infections and my nose is clogged and I had a slight earache a few days ago and chalked it up to a sinus infection. I went to my cousins baby reveal and then I thought after the party, what if I gave her covid? She is a nurse and is around people with covid but wears Ppe. She also has three booster shots and had covid before. I cannot get the thought of maybe infecting her and it will harm her pregnancy. I am crying so hard because she tried so hard to have a baby and I’m worried me disregarding my sinus infection as an allergy might of done something . I cannot sleep and I am going to throw up from the anxiety",1,prone sinus infection nose clogged slight earache day ago chalked sinus infection went cousin baby reveal thought party gave covid nurse around people covid wear ppe also three booster shot covid get thought maybe infecting harm pregnancy cry hard tried hard baby worried disregarding sinus infection allergy might done something sleep going throw anxiety -"I am currently prescribed propranolol to help with situational anxiety. I’m sure many people know that before an anxiety inducing event, your stomach can be slightly funny! I wondered if anyone knew if propranolol directly helps to reduce this?",1,currently prescribed propranolol help situational anxiety sure many people know anxiety inducing event stomach slightly funny wondered anyone knew propranolol directly help reduce -Can anxiety and panic attacks cause pain in the back of the thigh?,1,anxiety panic attack cause pain back thigh -"I have been having anxiety chest pains for over 2 years. -I have seen a doctor, but the solution wasn't as good. -I take deep breath, and sometimes i use St. John's Wort and Camomile to calm. - -I got better for a while, but now whenever i think of something as in a -- College related (reports, studying) -- Commitment (promising to do something and thinking about it all day) -My chest hurt from these conditions and i have breathing difficulties.. - -What do you do to help when you get these symptoms?",1,anxiety chest pain year seen doctor solution good take deep breath sometimes use st john wort camomile calm got better whenever think something college related report studying commitment promising something thinking day chest hurt condition breathing difficulty help get symptom -"Also I can’t even look nobody in the eyes because of it, wtf do I do, it’s ruining the relationship I have with my family and parents. It’s just pissing me tf off, I went to get a haircut today but walked tf out because I was too anxious and my anxiety was high so when I walked In i sat all the way in the back so my barber and other people wouldn’t see me because of my dumbass anxiety but how else was I gonna get a cut if he couldn’t see me right. So like I said I just walked tf out with my head down n cried when I got home.",1,also even look nobody eye wtf ruining relationship family parent pissing tf went get haircut today walked tf anxious anxiety high walked sat way back barber people see dumbass anxiety else gon na get cut see right like said walked tf head n cried got home -"Yesterday evening, I had the worst panic attack of my entire life. This ended up making me feel drained, defeated, and like I was an absolute freak for the rest of the day. - -I ended up venting on a subreddit about how I felt and a lot of the comments actually helped me a lot, and one reminded me of a couple of old tricks that a therapist taught me awhile ago, that I wished I would’ve remembered yesterday. - -1. When your brain is feeling really overloaded and so busy that you almost seem manic and don’t even know where to begin to start, the best thing you can do is force yourself to sit down and allow your body to sink into the chair while you close your eyes and just sit there in silence for a moment. This allows you to relax your body long enough to feel the emotion that is bothering you the most. However if you find more than one specific emotion coming to mind, you are still too overwhelmed and need to sit for awhile longer. -Once I can identify what I am feeling the most, I just say one word out loud. Sad, scared, tired, angry, etc. and reflect why I might be feeling that way and what I am able to do on that very moment to make myself feel better, taking a shower, napping, asking someone for a hug, etc. it’s important to focus on the things that you feel like you can start to work on in that moment, because if you allow your brain to slip back to things out of your control, you will end back up at square one. He also reminded me that these are all normal emotions and that I am not weird or crazy for feeling the way that I am, and that it is ok to ask for help or set up boundaries for myself. - -2. I used to use this one more during busy quarters in college, but can still be really helpful for trying to squish anxiety down before having to do something you can’t get out of, which could be taking a test, going for an interview, or even making a phone call. I like to picture all of my anxiety and worries as little people boarding a boat on a river, and just like to imagine them floating away and out of my view, even if it is just for the time needed to complete that one task that I have to do. - -I really hope these help someone, because these tricks used to help me a ton when I was going through some rough patches in life and I think I’m going to start using them again.",1,yesterday evening worst panic attack entire life ended making feel drained defeated like absolute freak rest day ended venting subreddit felt lot comment actually helped lot one reminded couple old trick therapist taught awhile ago wished would remembered yesterday brain feeling really overloaded busy almost seem manic even know begin start best thing force sit allow body sink chair close eye sit silence moment allows relax body long enough feel emotion bothering however find one specific emotion coming mind still overwhelmed need sit awhile longer identify feeling say one word loud sad scared tired angry etc reflect might feeling way able moment make feel better taking shower napping asking someone hug etc important focus thing feel like start work moment allow brain slip back thing control end back square one also reminded normal emotion weird crazy feeling way ok ask help set boundary used use one busy quarter college still really helpful trying squish anxiety something get could taking test going interview even making phone call like picture anxiety worry little people boarding boat river like imagine floating away view even time needed complete one task really hope help someone trick used help ton going rough patch life think going start using -"I have been away from home for 3 weeks and yesterday I was scheduled to return. My friend had offered to pick me up from the airport - for context I don't live in the safest cities for women. After I land, my friend texts me saying they can't pick me up from the airport and I should book a cab and come home. I was at the airport from 11 pm to 12 am because there were no cabs available, creepy men started following me stating ""oh no one's here to pick you up"". I had to go to the police because the men didn't stop following me. - -I had a breakdown in public and I couldn't breathe. I finally called a friend who lives near by who came to pick me up at around 12:30 am. By then I was completely wrecked. Yesterday was a complete mess. And Im still feeling anxious and triggered.",1,away home week yesterday scheduled return friend offered pick airport context live safest city woman land friend text saying pick airport book cab come home airport pm cab available creepy men started following stating oh one pick go police men stop following breakdown public breathe finally called friend life near came pick around 0 completely wrecked yesterday complete mess im still feeling anxious triggered -" -I am a waitress in a busy restaurant and while usually I put my “mask” on and try to not seem so anxious, for some reason lately my anxiety is getting to the point where I can’t even look at people in the face. And then my anxiety just gets worse thinking about how much of a bitch or weirdo I seem for not looking at them. I also struggle with eye contact which makes it even harder. I honestly just want to ease my mind and be able to talk to people like the rest of my co-workers. - - I’m contemplating medication but wanted to know if anybody noticed a difference while on medication?",1,waitress busy restaurant usually put mask try seem anxious reason lately anxiety getting point even look people face anxiety get worse thinking much bitch weirdo seem looking also struggle eye contact make even harder honestly want ease mind able talk people like rest co worker contemplating medication wanted know anybody noticed difference medication -"As you can tell from the title, this is something I have known about since I have been a kid. I used to get infatuated way too fast and get anxiety when a girl wouldn't be going as fast as me. Since growing up though, I have been able to slow down. However when it does happen, I don't know why my anxiety just starts coming out again. - -Starting back in October of 2020, I was talking too this girl for about 3 months and nothing really ever came of that besides texting due to her being manipulative and gaslighting me, however I was head over heels for her. It was one of the worst 3 months of my life and after that happened I made alot of life changes and all of 2021 was pretty much the happiest year of my life. - -Now in 2022 I recently moved to a new city and met this one girl. We have been talking for about 3 weeks almost every day and she has texted me almost every evening asking how my day was and is actually interested in getting to know me. Since I learned not to get to into her yet, I usually just responded to her whenever and went about my day. Usually we would have around 1-3 hours between each of our texts to each other. - -\*sexual content warning\* - -Fast forward to last night, I took her on a really nice dinner date and we talked ALOT. afterwards I walked her home and she asked if I wanted to come inside. We talked more and one thing led to another and we ended up having sex. However part way through she started bleeding and the condom came off in her. she was incredibly embarrassed and almost started crying. I just kept hugging her telling her not to worry about, that I still had a great time, and stayed with her for about over an hour. I eventually had to leave to go home but afterwards on my drive home, I really started falling for her. She texted me a bit when I got home saying she was happy I made it home safe. - -Today though, all the anxiety I used to feel when I was younger falling for girls who might not like me back started flooding into my head again. I couldn't sleep well because I wasn't sure if I did anything wrong and I just wanted to be with her. We texted a little in the morning, but the texts that the past few weeks that normally took 1-3 hours to get a response from each other feel like a millenia now. my anxiety really is coming out in those long waits because I really just wanna talk with her and I'm afraid she's gonna ghost me like a bunch of other people have done to me in the past. I know there is nothing I should worry about, but I thought I had my anxiety under control finally only for today to suck again. Does anyone have any advice on how I should control it best?",1,tell title something known since kid used get infatuated way fast get anxiety girl going fast since growing though able slow however happen know anxiety start coming starting back october 0 0 talking girl month nothing really ever came besides texting due manipulative gaslighting however head heel one worst month life happened made alot life change 0 pretty much happiest year life 0 recently moved new city met one girl talking week almost every day texted almost every evening asking day actually interested getting know since learned get yet usually responded whenever went day usually would around hour text sexual content warning fast forward last night took really nice dinner date talked alot afterwards walked home asked wanted come inside talked one thing led another ended sex however part way started bleeding condom came incredibly embarrassed almost started cry kept hugging telling worry still great time stayed hour eventually leave go home afterwards drive home really started falling texted bit got home saying happy made home safe today though anxiety used feel younger falling girl might like back started flooding head sleep well sure anything wrong wanted texted little morning text past week normally took hour get response feel like millenia anxiety really coming long wait really wan na talk afraid gon na ghost like bunch people done past know nothing worry thought anxiety control finally today suck anyone advice control best -"I feel anxiety over race. I know this sounds bad but hear my out please. I have been doing anti-racism work daily and I’ve been trying to challenge my own biases, but it’s been triggering my mental health. My anxiety has taken over and now I can’t make decisions in my life without fear. I’ve practically stopped all my hobbies cause I’m worried I’m appropriating in some way and hurting a community. I know that none of this is what the anti racism work is about but it’s what my mind has been running with. Lately it’s been “I don’t matter.” No one else seems to be having this issue and I don’t know who to turn to. This is not a reflection on the conversation around BLM, it’s my own issues. I just don’t know how to get out of this way of thinking.",1,feel anxiety race know sound bad hear please anti racism work daily trying challenge bias triggering mental health anxiety taken make decision life without fear practically stopped hobby cause worried appropriating way hurting community know none anti racism work mind running lately matter one else seems issue know turn reflection conversation around blm issue know get way thinking -"I feel like I’m comfortable with death more because i’m comfortable with the uncertainty that comes with it. Do any of you ever experience death anxiety? How do you think it impacts you? - -Also lowkey in need of any advice to deal with this better :)",1,feel like comfortable death comfortable uncertainty come ever experience death anxiety think impact also lowkey need advice deal better -"So, I’ve been dealing with anxiety since 2017. I’m diagnosed anxiety/panic disorder and can’t take meds (tried once and yeesh, never, ever again by doctors direction/my own discretion). Noticed ever since getting off Zoloft 25mg (I only took it for 3 days but it hit me like a bus and I had to immediately stop due to medical reasons) I dissociate all the time now and I hate it. I lose track of time, what I was doing prior, sometimes where I’m sitting/what’s going on around me. Any tips would be helpful. - -Note: yes, I’ve tried mindfulness exercises, yoga, meditation, the whole list.",1,dealing anxiety since 0 diagnosed anxiety panic disorder take med tried yeesh never ever doctor direction discretion noticed ever since getting zoloft mg took day hit like bus immediately stop due medical reason dissociate time hate lose track time prior sometimes sitting going around tip would helpful note yes tried mindfulness exercise yoga meditation whole list -"Hi, first post here, so sorry if I'm doing anything wrong. - - -Recently I've been suffering from very intense anxiety and panic attacks nearly every night. They're usually triggered around midnight and last through to around 6-9AM, normally preventing me from getting any sleep at all during the night. My bedroom also seems to be one major trigger, as I'm able to calm myself down sometimes, but as soon as I re-enter my bedroom, the panic flares up all over again and it's like I'm in full fight or flight mode. (During the daytime the panic is almost nonexistent) - - -I think the most difficult part is that it generally happens during hours when nobody is around to give me comfort, so strong feelings of isolation and hopelessness often accompany. That brings me to my question: - - -**For anyone who has experienced nightly anxiety, what has brought you comfort during a time when you're unable to reach out to others?** I would love to hear about your experience and the things that have helped bring you comfort in a time of isolation. Thanks :)",1,hi first post sorry anything wrong recently suffering intense anxiety panic attack nearly every night usually triggered around midnight last around 9am normally preventing getting sleep night bedroom also seems one major trigger able calm sometimes soon enter bedroom panic flare like full fight flight mode daytime panic almost nonexistent think difficult part generally happens hour nobody around give comfort strong feeling isolation hopelessness often accompany brings question anyone experienced nightly anxiety brought comfort time unable reach others would love hear experience thing helped bring comfort time isolation thanks -I have a tendency to obsess over some things that have occurred and replay the scenario over and over in my head. I'm not even trying to focus on it but the thoughts still come into my head and then I find myself focusing on them and it serves me no purpose. How do I stop doing this? I know the scenarios are over so I don't know why I am still thinking about them so much.,1,tendency ob thing occurred replay scenario head even trying focus thought still come head find focusing serf purpose stop know scenario know still thinking much -"Strange, unusual sensations in the back of the head – occipital region. It started as dizziness, vertigo, pressure in the head, a feeling of movement in the head, waves, etc ... The problem gradually worsened and changed from occuring a few times a week to an every day, all day duration. That's the way it is right now. I struggle with the feeling of pressure in the head (between the brain and the skull), the feeling of an “empty” head, feeling of vacuum or air in the head, feeling of fluid in the skull as if the brain is ""floating"" and ""rocking"" or “swimming” in fluid. On most days I also get really bad burning pain all over my head. The pain is located inside of the head, it feels like someone is pouring acid or hot lava down my brain, facial sinuses and on the face. There is often a feeling of movement in the head present and I sometimes have blurred vision. Lots of days I also experience a feeling of poor balance, a feeling as if I’m going to lose consciousness, black spots and floaters in the field of vision. -Another really bothering thing is a feeling of electricity in the brain or a feeling similar to static on TV. I also feel like I have my brain wrapped in some kind of a biofilm, made from air/ cotton/ glass wool ... -Plus, flu like symptoms, head, neck, muscles and bones pain, feverish like feeling (at least 10 days a month, way worse before period). - -Tia. ❤",1,strange unusual sensation back head – occipital region started dizziness vertigo pressure head feeling movement head wave etc problem gradually worsened changed occuring time week every day day duration way right struggle feeling pressure head brain skull feeling empty head feeling vacuum air head feeling fluid skull brain floating rocking swimming fluid day also get really bad burning pain head pain located inside head feel like someone pouring acid hot lava brain facial sinus face often feeling movement head present sometimes blurred vision lot day also experience feeling poor balance feeling going lose consciousness black spot floater field vision another really bothering thing feeling electricity brain feeling similar static tv also feel like brain wrapped kind biofilm made air cotton glass wool plus flu like symptom head neck muscle bone pain feverish like feeling least 0 day month way worse period tia -"2018 was a rough year for me (even on new year's eve I woke up headbutting a brickwall in bed), a lot of things happen to me and around me in a short amount of time that I developed chronic anxiety, I study mechanical engineering, for a math project (among other projecta) I had to make a youtube channel, I was sick for 3 weeks with Bronchitis and I had to skip classes for my health, I had a severe spasm on my back and the morning (4AM) before my final exam I was woken up to be informed that my older sibling was in ICU due to Gangster attacking him (on thing I forgot to mention is that the engineering course that I'm doing was fazing out so If I fail too many times I have to start everythin all over again on the new curriculum). After my exam I was burned out and my body couldn't relax and I went to a massage parlour to treat the spasm, it was a painful experience and with a woman first time touching me like that. 3 weeks later my body was just slowly going into shock that I would be paralysed and my sibling had to carry me when I was at home. I probably had a panic attack as well. - -Anyway I was 20 when that happened (I'm 167cm and weigh 51kg) my Psychiatrist prescribed me 30mg of Clobazam in total for morning, afternoon and evening. And I realised my sex drive was diminished I wasn't to happy about that so a long time probably 3 months after I started I tried to taper my dose, but I did it too quickly, got withdrawal symptoms and was put on Indoblok for the withdrawal (the nightmares was a blast). - -After a while, 4 weeks I think, I could stop on the Indoblok and just run on the 15mg of Clobazam and my libido returned a bit but not as before. Also as a side note a struggle to gain weight so I went to get help with that, but I stopped doing that as it got expensive heaviest I've been on the diet plan was 56kg by eating diet alone. Anyway I started seeing a Psychologist that my Psychiatrist recommended to me to help figure out how mild my higher functioning autism is, but he mainly helped me with my anxiety and OCD, we mainly talk now and I did speak with them with topics that made me blush and embarrassed. - -Then 2020 happened I got sick in 2021 badly, luckily not ICU badly. On a side note prior the massive shock I went in I was quite comfortable speaking in front of 80 people and making an ass out of myself. So long story short I currently weigh 56.9 kg, I'm 168cm in length (1cm for the win) and I'm 24 now. I'm doing my internship to gain my qualification which is the last step. I spoke with my Psychiatrist that after online PowerPoint presentation I want to try to reduce my dose to 0mg, as I developed A Go With The Flow and If It Happens It Happens type of Attitude. - -Also I'm on other medication so I would like to reduce costs, I asked my Psychiatrist if it's a good idea to stop seeing my Psychologist as we only talk about my problems, my Psychiatrist told me to still go as it helps me vent my frustrations (I'm not gonna lie it helps and it's fun for me). But I notice after I gained mass from covid my libido slightly increased as well. Also I went on my first date in my entire life the date had a lot more anxiety than I have, mine was non existent. The reason why I want to stop my Clobazam treatment is: - -1. I think I have a significant improvement with my anxiety, even my OCD has improved. -2. I have a lot less to worry about regarding failing my engineering course as I'm almost done. -3. I want to save more money. -4. I grew up here in South Africa and a lot of terrible things don't faze me anymore sometimes I find it quite funny. -5. I really want to see if it was the Clobazam that tanked my libido and I would like to gain it back please. - -So what do you think? After 2 weeks with the presentation that's coming up I'm gonna see how my anxiety is (had some physical chest pressure but that was due to issue at work which I had to resolve myself) and after that I'm gonna slowly reduce my Clobazam to 0mg. - -Also did any of you who were on Clobazam had an impact on your libido, I was impotent when I first started at 30mg, but it's manageble at 15mg after the weight gain some slight improvement.",1,0 rough year even new year eve woke headbutting brickwall bed lot thing happen around short amount time developed chronic anxiety study mechanical engineering math project among projecta make youtube channel sick week bronchitis skip class health severe spasm back morning final exam woken informed older sibling icu due gangster attacking thing forgot mention engineering course fazing fail many time start everythin new curriculum exam burned body relax went massage parlour treat spasm painful experience woman first time touching like week later body slowly going shock would paralysed sibling carry home probably panic attack well anyway 0 happened cm weigh kg psychiatrist prescribed 0mg clobazam total morning afternoon evening realised sex drive diminished happy long time probably month started tried taper dose quickly got withdrawal symptom put indoblok withdrawal nightmare blast week think could stop indoblok run mg clobazam libido returned bit also side note struggle gain weight went get help stopped got expensive heaviest diet plan kg eating diet alone anyway started seeing psychologist psychiatrist recommended help figure mild higher functioning autism mainly helped anxiety ocd mainly talk speak topic made blush embarrassed 0 0 happened got sick 0 badly luckily icu badly side note prior massive shock went quite comfortable speaking front 0 people making as long story short currently weigh 9 kg cm length cm win internship gain qualification last step spoke psychiatrist online powerpoint presentation want try reduce dose 0mg developed go flow happens happens type attitude also medication would like reduce cost asked psychiatrist good idea stop seeing psychologist talk problem psychiatrist told still go help vent frustration gon na lie help fun notice gained mass covid libido slightly increased well also went first date entire life date lot anxiety mine non existent reason want stop clobazam treatment think significant improvement anxiety even ocd improved lot le worry regarding failing engineering course almost done want save money grew south africa lot terrible thing faze anymore sometimes find quite funny really want see clobazam tanked libido would like gain back please think week presentation coming gon na see anxiety physical chest pressure due issue work resolve gon na slowly reduce clobazam 0mg also clobazam impact libido impotent first started 0mg manageble mg weight gain slight improvement -I don't know why but I am convinced that I am a horrible person and a burden to everyone :/ like I am convinced that I hurt people all the time and I don't know how to get rid of that thought,1,know convinced horrible person burden everyone like convinced hurt people time know get rid thought -,1,nan -,1,nan -"I’m planning on moving out of my father’s house for the first time in my life. My entire life I have gotten anxiety when I would stay away overnight somewhere other then my own home. I used to not even be able to do sleepovers, but I’ve improved a lot since then, and even took a five day vacation to visit a friend last year and only felt bad the first day. I know moving out will be good for me too. However, when I think about moving out, my thoughts immediately go to how many panic attacks I might get for a while after I move out and I’m honestly terrified. Does anyone have any advice that could help with this? I can’t live at home forever lol",1,planning moving father house first time life entire life gotten anxiety would stay away overnight somewhere home used even able sleepover improved lot since even took five day vacation visit friend last year felt bad first day know moving good however think moving thought immediately go many panic attack might get move honestly terrified anyone advice could help live home forever lol -"I am relatively new to anxiety. -It started a month ago, with an sudden fear of dying and two severe panic attacks the same night that brought me to the ER. -Since then, I am constantly anxious, have had a whole range of symptoms (chest pain, numb left shoulder, headaches, feeling cold...) - -There are so many physical symptoms... - -So I have found this page (apologies if already posted somewhere), with a very large list of symptoms that can be caused by anxiety: -[List of Symptoms](https://www.counsellinghelp.co.uk/panic_and_anxiety_symptoms_resolved_by_torquay_paignton_and_exeter_counsellor.html) - -I am currently trying to ignore my numb left shoulder, chest pain and neck pain, without much success. But knowing they are symptoms helps. - -I hope it can help you, too! 🙏",1,relatively new anxiety started month ago sudden fear dying two severe panic attack night brought er since constantly anxious whole range symptom chest pain numb left shoulder headache feeling cold many physical symptom found page apology already posted somewhere large list symptom caused anxiety list symptom http www counsellinghelp co uk panic anxiety symptom resolved torquay paignton exeter counsellor html currently trying ignore numb left shoulder chest pain neck pain without much success knowing symptom help hope help -"M22, since Covid started I haven’t really been out at all and now I got my first date ever which I’ve been tryna put off by excuses and now it’s either I go or just loose out on the opportunity to go. I’ve got health anxiety and a bit of social anxiety. I feel like I’m -Not ready but i really don’t want to loose the opportunity to take her out on a date. I don’t know what to do and I’m just stressed out. I’m planning a easy date like bubble tea and a walk in the park probs see the sunset but I’m still stressed out lol",1,since covid started really got first date ever tryna put excuse either go loose opportunity go got health anxiety bit social anxiety feel like ready really want loose opportunity take date know stressed planning easy date like bubble tea walk park probs see sunset still stressed lol -"When I stopped in 2019, it took me 3 months to taper off it so taking a medication that causes withdrawal symptoms like that scares me. - -It’s the only thing that helps other then numbing the feelings with an antidepressant. I’m on Lyrica 150mg and Buspar 15mg (2 to 3 times a day). I don’t feel down but my anxiety keeps me from moving forward with the things I need too. - -Am I right to continue struggling with anxiety and all the health issues that come from it just so I can avoid a benzo?",1,stopped 0 9 took month taper taking medication cause withdrawal symptom like scare thing help numbing feeling antidepressant lyrica 0mg buspar mg time day feel anxiety keep moving forward thing need right continue struggling anxiety health issue come avoid benzo -"Im not sure if this is the right thread to put this under, idk if this is considered anxiety or irrational fear, ocd or the warning signs of psychosis evolving -The other day i saw a spider in my room. Keep in mind, i saw a jumping spider in my room a while ago. And i didnt sleep in my room for a whole month. Maybe even longer? -A couple days ago i saw another… -But this time im 90% sure it was a northern black widow. I saw the back of it and it was black with white spots on it, and a HUGE ASS. It was all crumpled up so i poked it with a pencil. It was in fact alive. It stood up abruptly . I screamed and ran to my brother to kill it, he picked it up with a napkin and flushed it,i was too frantic to tell him not to flush it so we could figure out what it was -Well i was curious as to what kind of spider it could be so i searched black spider with white spots. It didnt look like the writing spider, or anything else. -I came across a match. But my excitement of finding a match quickly faded as i read the name of the spider. -I lost it. I went to my moms room crying and she refused to listen to me so i called my dad. They all told me it was nothing and it probably just came in on my dog. I calmed down but it didnt help much. -When i sleep on the couch i vigorously shake off my blankets from my room so i can make sure theres no spiders on it - -Its become a part of my routine to also shake off my pillows and take them out of the case, but tonight while i was shaking them off something occurred to me.. what if there was spiders in my pillow. Now i cant use my pillows because all i can think about is spiders being in it. I also heard a story about a guy that woke up covered in them because there was a nest in his pillow and a bunch of spiders hatched. -Im terrified. -I cant sleep without a pillow and my first day back to school is tomorrow and its super late. I dont know what to do. I cant sleep and this is greatly exhausting me. I couldnt even use my favorite blanket since its grey and if one of the spiders is on there I wouldn’t be able to see it. -What should i do to make my life normal again??? How do i overcome this? -Please help",1,im sure right thread put idk considered anxiety irrational fear ocd warning sign psychosis evolving day saw spider room keep mind saw jumping spider room ago didnt sleep room whole month maybe even longer couple day ago saw another time im 90 sure northern black widow saw back black white spot huge as crumpled poked pencil fact alive stood abruptly screamed ran brother kill picked napkin flushed frantic tell flush could figure well curious kind spider could searched black spider white spot didnt look like writing spider anything else came across match excitement finding match quickly faded read name spider lost went mom room cry refused listen called dad told nothing probably came dog calmed didnt help much sleep couch vigorously shake blanket room make sure there spider become part routine also shake pillow take case tonight shaking something occurred spider pillow cant use pillow think spider also heard story guy woke covered nest pillow bunch spider hatched im terrified cant sleep without pillow first day back school tomorrow super late dont know cant sleep greatly exhausting couldnt even use favorite blanket since grey one spider able see make life normal overcome please help -"I KNOW these questions are probably annoying and kind of outdated now, since most people I know are fully vaccinated, but I just need the extra reassurance that I'll be alright. I have my first dose and it was fine (Pfizer) but I'm so freaking nervous about the second one. - -It's so funny how my anxiety works around this. I have health anxiety and worry about getting sick a lot... so it's like get vaccinated, but I'M SCARED OF THE SIDE EFFECTS.. LMAO - -How were your (preferably positive) experiences with your second vaccine?",1,know question probably annoying kind outdated since people know fully vaccinated need extra reassurance alright first dose fine pfizer freaking nervous second one funny anxiety work around health anxiety worry getting sick lot like get vaccinated scared side effect lmao preferably positive experience second vaccine -"TW: mentions of anxiety, OCD, allergic reactions - -back story: -in 2019 i had a bad batch of sushi and developed scombroid *Scombroid fish poisoning, or histamine fish poisoning, is a syndrome resembling an allergic reaction that occurs after eating fish contaminated with high levels of histamine.""* i had every symptom of anaphylaxis and was taken to the hospital in an ambulance where i was diagnosed with a scombroid. i had never heard of this, neither had my parents, but god has it ruined my life and all the progress i've made regarding my anxiety. - -after this happened, i developed a serious fear of becoming allergic to food i've eaten all my life, to the point all i ate for eight months was plain chicken tenders and tater tots and even with a basic menu i spent every day having panic attacks, convinced i was having an allergic reaction. flash forward to early 2020, my fear extended into what was diagnosed as OCD. i spent every five minutes lathering my arms and hands in hand sanitizer because i was afraid of touching something i was allergic to and not knowing. i would even put hand sanitizer on my lips if i accidentally touched my hands to my mouth before i could clean them. - -i have since sought out help and have stopped my obsessive sanitizing. however, the fear of an allergic reaction through eating has not gone away. i still struggle to eat, but it really hasn't been an issue for me lately, until tonight. my food tasted funny and it sent me into a spiral. it's so hard to express to people that ""hey my body is creating fake symptoms that aren't actually happening and i am freaking out!"" and it's so disheartening when i let it get this bad. i know progress isn't linear and that one bad day doesn't set you back to square one, but i can't help but feel like all my hard work is erased when i let my anxiety win. - -basically i'm trying to see if anyone has any advice to handling serious health anxiety when it gets to attack level. maybe someone else has been in this exact situation and i'm not alone. it would be nice to feel less alone. any kind words or advice regarding my situation would be greatly appreciated :)",1,tw mention anxiety ocd allergic reaction back story 0 9 bad batch sushi developed scombroid scombroid fish poisoning histamine fish poisoning syndrome resembling allergic reaction occurs eating fish contaminated high level histamine every symptom anaphylaxis taken hospital ambulance diagnosed scombroid never heard neither parent god ruined life progress made regarding anxiety happened developed serious fear becoming allergic food eaten life point ate eight month plain chicken tender tater tot even basic menu spent every day panic attack convinced allergic reaction flash forward early 0 0 fear extended diagnosed ocd spent every five minute lathering arm hand hand sanitizer afraid touching something allergic knowing would even put hand sanitizer lip accidentally touched hand mouth could clean since sought help stopped obsessive sanitizing however fear allergic reaction eating gone away still struggle eat really issue lately tonight food tasted funny sent spiral hard express people hey body creating fake symptom actually happening freaking disheartening let get bad know progress linear one bad day set back square one help feel like hard work erased let anxiety win basically trying see anyone advice handling serious health anxiety get attack level maybe someone else exact situation alone would nice feel le alone kind word advice regarding situation would greatly appreciated -Let's not leave anyone alone.,1,let leave anyone alone -"I've made phenomenal progress with my anxiety issues over the decades, but one thing has gotten worse, and I'm not sure what to call it. If I start a train of thought, and I suddenly remember something traumatic or embarrassing or unpleasant, I start to feel bad and I start to say things out loud. When I say the things, it seems to 'release pressure' so that it's easier for me to stop thinking about what upset me. It's usually something like 'no' or 'amen', although it cycles and it's been worse things like 'I hate myself' or 'I want to die'. It's annoying enough when I do it by myself, but I've started doing it with my husband or child around, and it worries me to know he's hearing me say these things. Is this actually a kind of tic? If not, what is it? Does anyone else do this?",1,made phenomenal progress anxiety issue decade one thing gotten worse sure call start train thought suddenly remember something traumatic embarrassing unpleasant start feel bad start say thing loud say thing seems release pressure easier stop thinking upset usually something like amen although cycle worse thing like hate want die annoying enough started husband child around worry know hearing say thing actually kind tic anyone else -"I got a new job two weeks ago. It’s going amazingly! I’m a cashier at a retail store. Before this job I mainly did stocking in retail but I needed a job and they didn’t have another position open. - -Everyone there is fantastic and it’s fully staffed unlike a ton of other retail jobs I’ve had. I feel really comfortable already. They even asked if I wanted to be a supervisor so quickly because of how well I’ve taken to it. - -A downside would be that I don’t love being a cashier. You’re kinda chained to a little spot and have to interact with hundreds of people daily but I’m managing. I’m also used to heavy physical exercise at work which I no longer have. However I adore the people at the front end and have been invited to a hangout with them. I’m super extroverted but I’m not used to this level of constant interaction. However I’m well liked by staff and customers. In the moment through out the day for most part I feel safe and comfortable. - -However once I leave is a different story. - -I’ve always been an extremely anxious person. Cripplingly so. At work i can get overwhelmed but I’m always able to soothe myself. I don’t usually freak out though. - -Once I get off I feel a wave of anxiety. I immediately feel tense driving home. I had a panic attack yesterday on the drive home to the point that I was hyperventilating. I can’t seem to get myself to relax. I go into fight or flight. Then my brain will search for literally anything to be worried about, Covid, Cancer, my boyfriend leaving me, my physical appearance declining. I end up staying up all night worrying and freaking out. - -I can’t get myself out of the thought loop. I begin to feel terror and existential dread. Yes this happened before I worked this job but it’s worse now. I can’t get myself back down from it. - -Why is this happening? Any tips to bring myself in the moment after work?",1,got new job two week ago going amazingly cashier retail store job mainly stocking retail needed job another position open everyone fantastic fully staffed unlike ton retail job feel really comfortable already even asked wanted supervisor quickly well taken downside would love cashier kinda chained little spot interact hundred people daily managing also used heavy physical exercise work longer however adore people front end invited hangout super extroverted used level constant interaction however well liked staff customer moment day part feel safe comfortable however leave different story always extremely anxious person cripplingly work get overwhelmed always able soothe usually freak though get feel wave anxiety immediately feel tense driving home panic attack yesterday drive home point hyperventilating seem get relax go fight flight brain search literally anything worried covid cancer boyfriend leaving physical appearance declining end staying night worrying freaking get thought loop begin feel terror existential dread yes happened worked job worse get back happening tip bring moment work -Whenever I sit down to study my heart starts racing and I feel overwhelmed and anxious. I think it’s my fear of failure. Sometimes it’s so bad I have to lay down. Anyone else?,1,whenever sit study heart start racing feel overwhelmed anxious think fear failure sometimes bad lay anyone else -"I'm a 28 year old male and today is the last day to drop out of Uni without paying for the semester. I've been trying to get this degree for a long time and I finally seemed to be on track until last year when my 5 year relationship ended and I was basically unable to function, let alone study properly. - -So now I've still got 2 full years left to complete and I just can't come to terms with staying broke for that long at this age until I've finished. Furthermore, I'm not medicated for my ADHD because I couldn't deal with the side effects. It's overwhelmingly frustrating and shameful because I know I'm intelligent and it's an interesting degree. The other thing is I've basically told my friends and family that there's only 1 year left for some absolutely dumb reason. - -Being at Uni gave me at least something to tell people that I was working towards. Now I'm going to have to accept that I'm a complete failure with a massive debt. - -If anyone was in a similar situation or has advice I'd love to hear about it. - -Peace.",1,year old male today last day drop uni without paying semester trying get degree long time finally seemed track last year year relationship ended basically unable function let alone study properly still got full year left complete come term staying broke long age finished furthermore medicated adhd deal side effect overwhelmingly frustrating shameful know intelligent interesting degree thing basically told friend family year left absolutely dumb reason uni gave least something tell people working towards going accept complete failure massive debt anyone similar situation advice love hear peace -"For context, my SO and I are living with our in-laws temporarily— (a famously difficult living arrangement) and the main issue has been their constant and relentless “remarks”. They love passive-aggressively hinting at things they dislike and throwing little “digs” here and there to get a rise out of us. I’m well aware that they are very much projecting their own insecurities/unhappiness onto us and I’m somewhat able to find solace in that… yet it still gets tiring after awhile. I’m extremely sensitive and hyper-aware of myself and others and even little throw away comments can feel like a punch in the gut sometimes. We plan to move out soon but for the time being… how can I distance myself emotionally and take things at face value?",1,context living law temporarily famously difficult living arrangement main issue constant relentless remark love passive aggressively hinting thing dislike throwing little dig get rise u well aware much projecting insecurity unhappiness onto u somewhat able find solace yet still get tiring awhile extremely sensitive hyper aware others even little throw away comment feel like punch gut sometimes plan move soon time distance emotionally take thing face value -Has anyone dealt with tight throat/shortness of breath for multiple weeks. I’ve been short of breath for almost 2 weeks now. I just got prescribed escitalopram and this is my first time taking medicine for anxiety. I need insight if this feeling will go away soon. Thanks guys,1,anyone dealt tight throat shortness breath multiple week short breath almost week got prescribed escitalopram first time taking medicine anxiety need insight feeling go away soon thanks guy -"For some reason my life feels like I'm stuck in the 7th circle of hell or something. I don't know why I can't seem to hold grasp of anything positive. I'm 25 years old. I have a job I hate with a passion. I'm in school and almost have my degree but it's taken me 4 years just for my AA -I want to direct movies. I feel like I can truly do whatever I want and live an amazing life but i can't seem to grasp it. I know the work I have to put in but depression and things in life keep holding me down - -I pray to God a lot for guidance and strength and sometimes things seem so clear but other times everything slips through my fingers and I'm lost. I know some might not be religious but I do believe in God. - -I workout a lot. I used to be obese. I look completely different and have a lot of muscle, but Inside, sometimes-a lot of the time-I feel invisible. Do I want to be seen? Maybe. But more so I just want to be appreciated and I want a woman who loves and appreciates me and I want a family. I want a son and a daughter and I want to live a wholesome life and I want to live the purpose I know drives me. - -I have a girlfriend. She went into the army for the reserves and left in January. It's March and I just watched her graduate basic training. Before she left things were really great. I prayed and prayed to have a woman like her in my life and it felt like God actually answered my prayers. When I found out she was going in the military it broke my heart because we had known each other for a month. - -She decided to go into the reserves so she could come back and we could have a life. However since she's been gone I can't shake this anxious feeling and I feel trapped and depressed. My life is being held down and I am losing sight of myself. I watch other people have kids and marriages and all my friends have kids now and it's something I've always wanted since I was young. - -I don't know how to describe it but I'm being trapped by thoughts of abandonment and her changing her feelings towards me and meeting someone new. She's reassured me so many times, so many that it's just redundant at this point. I'm not the man I was when we met and I'm so much less confident now and I'm so scared of losing this girl. - -I hate my life now and I've contemplated suicide. I feel so trapped by my emotions and anxiety and I can't seem to function right. I don't want to go to work or eat or move or do anything I just want this to be over. She will graduate tech school (AIT) in two months and I will know if she stays with me but I'm humiliated by this whole thing and for some reason things In my life feel difficult. My self esteem has crashed and I can't think straight. Its not right and almost pitiful to think but others seem to have a good life with their spouse and I have nothing. I know it's not the right way to think. - -I had goals and steps to get myself out of my crappy job and to live my dreams but I can't reach any of them because of how held down i feel. - -The advice I'm asking for is what to do? I'm trying to have faith things will work out with this girl but if they don't I'm going to crash hard. This will be the 3rd serious relationship I've had potentially not work and I am so scared of my future and dying alone and I feel I have a good heart and am willing to put in the hard work for a relationship and to be the man a woman desires. This woman is the first one I've ever truly loved and I just feel so lost and like a child. - -I'm sure not many will read this because it's so long but I'm just in a bad spot.....",1,reason life feel like stuck th circle hell something know seem hold grasp anything positive year old job hate passion school almost degree taken year aa want direct movie feel like truly whatever want live amazing life seem grasp know work put depression thing life keep holding pray god lot guidance strength sometimes thing seem clear time everything slip finger lost know might religious believe god workout lot used obese look completely different lot muscle inside sometimes lot time feel invisible want seen maybe want appreciated want woman love appreciates want family want son daughter want live wholesome life want live purpose know drive girlfriend went army reserve left january march watched graduate basic training left thing really great prayed prayed woman like life felt like god actually answered prayer found going military broke heart known month decided go reserve could come back could life however since gone shake anxious feeling feel trapped depressed life held losing sight watch people kid marriage friend kid something always wanted since young know describe trapped thought abandonment changing feeling towards meeting someone new reassured many time many redundant point man met much le confident scared losing girl hate life contemplated suicide feel trapped emotion anxiety seem function right want go work eat move anything want graduate tech school ait two month know stay humiliated whole thing reason thing life feel difficult self esteem crashed think straight right almost pitiful think others seem good life spouse nothing know right way think goal step get crappy job live dream reach held feel advice asking trying faith thing work girl going crash hard rd serious relationship potentially work scared future dying alone feel good heart willing put hard work relationship man woman desire woman first one ever truly loved feel lost like child sure many read long bad spot -,1,nan -As known now I am 15M and identify as “Unlabeled” and that’s great I used to identify as Bisexual but now identify as unlabeled since I feel more comfortable with it. Straight to the point is that I’m scared of how my parents will think of me in the future and how I will tell them my sexuality. Reasons are is that i have a gf and I want everyone around me to see that I’m straight but they won’t anymore and they will see me as gay because in the future my gf will most likely become trans and switch to being a guy (I like guys and girls but don’t like the label bisexual idk why so that’s why I identify as unlabeled). So I will be seen gay to my parents and I live in a catholic family so I’m nervous how my future will be and it curls my stomach to think about. They said they would accept me if I was gay but I told my mom I was “straight” and her reaction was “Oh thank God” and now I think she could of been lying idk that reaction makes me nervous for the future. I’m just trying to live as a kid now and enjoy the moment while I could.,1,known identify unlabeled great used identify bisexual identify unlabeled since feel comfortable straight point scared parent think future tell sexuality reason gf want everyone around see straight anymore see gay future gf likely become trans switch guy like guy girl like label bisexual idk identify unlabeled seen gay parent live catholic family nervous future curl stomach think said would accept gay told mom straight reaction oh thank god think could lying idk reaction make nervous future trying live kid enjoy moment could -"I'm a freshman in college rn. I have an English essay due tonight; however, I am so anxious over my results and quality of my work that I cannot even finish. Just the thought of writing or receiving my grade makes me feel physically ill. Big projects and essays have always made me feel this way but since I'm especially struggling with this one its worse. I want to just accept whatever grade I get but I can't. The last time I felt like this over an essay, my hands shook as I turned it in, and I cried profusely afterwards. Ironically it was the best essay grade I've ever gotten (100%) but this time I know I would be lucky to get an 80. I wish I wasn't like this :( I just this day to pass, its been nothing but tears, nausea, and anxiety",1,freshman college rn english essay due tonight however anxious result quality work even finish thought writing receiving grade make feel physically ill big project essay always made feel way since especially struggling one worse want accept whatever grade get last time felt like essay hand shook turned cried profusely afterwards ironically best essay grade ever gotten 00 time know would lucky get 0 wish like day pas nothing tear nausea anxiety -"i feel like i experience anxiety backwards. everyone says their thoughts are racing, i get brain fog while my heart's pounding - awful stuff when school is my main trigger and getting something done is the way to make it stop. DAE get muffled thinking when they're anxious? any tips on how to deal?",1,feel like experience anxiety backwards everyone say thought racing get brain fog heart pounding awful stuff school main trigger getting something done way make stop dae get muffled thinking anxious tip deal -"For the most part, my life is perfect. In the grand scheme of things, I am probably in the % of well-off people on this planet (globally speaking). I have a home, car, no debt, a family, etc… it is all there. - -However, I am so riddle with anxiety and depression that I feel I am just wasting my life away. - -All I do is **see red** and fear the worst, all day, every day. - -I just turned 40. In looking back, I've become very sad (*how ironic,* *sigh*) realizing how I've spent from the 20 to 40 being anxious and wasted away all this potential...brain space. I have no other way to describe it. And as I look to the next 20 years ahead, I fear I will do the same. - -Can you imagine laying on your death bed thinking, I worried and anxiously walked through life? I had all this pent up anxiety/depression/anger/(*insert your ailment here*) and that is what defined my time here? - -I could elaborate, but almost every activity, whether banal or extreme is met with a flood of negative thoughts, worries, emotions, etc. I sometimes feel like I am 'vibrating' from so much anxiety. - -**It’s fucking crushing**. Every day is just a struggle to be normal.",1,part life perfect grand scheme thing probably well people planet globally speaking home car debt family etc however riddle anxiety depression feel wasting life away see red fear worst day every day turned 0 looking back become sad ironic sigh realizing spent 0 0 anxious wasted away potential brain space way describe look next 0 year ahead fear imagine laying death bed thinking worried anxiously walked life pent anxiety depression anger insert ailment defined time could elaborate almost every activity whether banal extreme met flood negative thought worry emotion etc sometimes feel like vibrating much anxiety fucking crushing every day struggle normal -"Yesterday I noticed 2 puncture (?) wounds on my thigh. I'm actually not really sure what they are. They could be abrasion wounds; I might have scratched there but I can't remember. - -But of course I've been fixated on bats. Ever since I heard you might not feel a bat bite I've been very afraid of them. I know I'm probably ok, like 99% sure, but that 1%—like, a bat might have gotten under my covers, bit me, then flew out and disappeared—is just freaking me out. And I thought my toes/leg felt a little tingly tonight so I just can't sleep. :( health anxiety is so unreasonable.",1,yesterday noticed puncture wound thigh actually really sure could abrasion wound might scratched remember course fixated bat ever since heard might feel bat bite afraid know probably ok like 99 sure like bat might gotten cover bit flew disappeared freaking thought toe leg felt little tingly tonight sleep health anxiety unreasonable -"Guys... do any of you also wake up every morning from scary nightmares and feeling completely estranged when you open your eyes? Like... your surrounding feels so foreign eventho it's your own home, your own room. And it takes some times for you to realize youre just fine. Do you wake up with fears every morning?",1,guy also wake every morning scary nightmare feeling completely estranged open eye like surrounding feel foreign eventho home room take time realize youre fine wake fear every morning -,1,nan -"I (28m) have aspects of social anxiety and notice it largely when talking with people I view as smart and they start bringing up some complex idea. As they are explaining it, I often go through this cycle of “oh no, they’re explaining something complicated, you better pay attention or they’ll find out your dumb”. Then of course I’ve zoned out for a few seconds, now playing catch up and I either nod along praying they think Im following or, if I’m feeling brave, ask them to repeat. There’s a major imposter syndrome component I know, but I’m just wondering if anyone else struggles with this kind of thing/ has any recommendations?",1,aspect social anxiety notice largely talking people view smart start bringing complex idea explaining often go cycle oh explaining something complicated better pay attention find dumb course zoned second playing catch either nod along praying think im following feeling brave ask repeat major imposter syndrome component know wondering anyone else struggle kind thing recommendation -"I’m (31m) on a super low dose of buspar. All things considered, I think I like it. I’ve been on it since mid December and break a 5mg tablet in half and take that 3x a day. So basically 7.5mg a day. Overall it feels pretty good for me. Minimal side effects other than I can’t drink on it. Alcohol isn’t a huge part of my life, but I’ve always enjoyed meeting friends or coworkers at a bar for 3 or 4 beers for a couple hours once a week. That amount is enough for me to get a little buzz, have a more lively conversation, but also still wake up without a hangover. - -Now with buspar, after 1 drink I get drunk. But not in a good way. In like a very confused/dumb/clumsy and sleepy kind of way. I’ve basically just cut alcohol out of my life. Which does have some benefits. I don’t spend as much money, I don’t eat late night fast food, no more groggy hangovers, no staying out late, no beer belly. But on the other hand I’ve basically become a social recluse. Part of the reason I started taking buspar was because of my social anxiety. And in day to day life, such as work and parenting and just going about my day as normal, I feel like it’s improved. But so much of going out in the evening with friends or coworkers, or new friends, or new coworkers, involves drinks. And as that’s no longer an option, I’ve just kinda found myself less and less interested in going out with people who I know are going to have a night out of drinking. Not entirely sure how to proceed.",1,super low dose buspar thing considered think like since mid december break mg tablet half take x day basically mg day overall feel pretty good minimal side effect drink alcohol huge part life always enjoyed meeting friend coworkers bar beer couple hour week amount enough get little buzz lively conversation also still wake without hangover buspar drink get drunk good way like confused dumb clumsy sleepy kind way basically cut alcohol life benefit spend much money eat late night fast food groggy hangover staying late beer belly hand basically become social recluse part reason started taking buspar social anxiety day day life work parenting going day normal feel like improved much going evening friend coworkers new friend new coworkers involves drink longer option kinda found le le interested going people know going night drinking entirely sure proceed -I get so nervous every time my spouse leaves me. He is in the military which happens often and it just spirals me. I am so scared of losing him and it makes no sense but I feel like we are safer together. What can I do to assure myself nothing will happen and if I am just over obsessing over this for no reason?,1,get nervous every time spouse leaf military happens often spiral scared losing make sense feel like safer together assure nothing happen obsessing reason -"Sometimes, when my anxiety is bad, I’ll snap at people. - -I always regret it immediately after and I hate that I do it. - -Does anyone els here have this problem? If so, do you have any advice? - -Thanks!",1,sometimes anxiety bad snap people always regret immediately hate anyone el problem advice thanks -"So the other day I was playing a game and chatting on the phone with a friend (let’s call her Bri) and I have a friend staying with me this month (let’s call her Anna). So I told Anna that I would be on the phone and she nodded and then later on I got on my call. Anna felt like this was the perfect time to call all her friends and be super super loud on the phone with them. I’m letting Anna stay with me as a courtesy because they didn’t have a place in town to stay while they worked. Once I got off the phone with Bri, Anna felt like using her inside voice finally and then basically ended her call around then too. Anna has been freeloading and doesn’t pay me any rent like she said she would and I think it’s incredibly rude of her to act this way the one time in the past month that I had a phone call. - -The thing I’m anxious about is that me and Bri were talking about some deep stuff on the phone and then we’d hear Anna in the background being super loud and I’m anxious about whether Bri is mad at me but I live in a studio so there’s no privacy from Anna. I feel like I should apologize to Bri and let her know that my earphones were in the whole time so she knows that Anna didn’t hear any of it since it was really personal stuff we were talking about while Anna took her phone call. There’s a lot of other things Anna had done while freeloading that upsets me but that’s for another time since I actually started taking anti anxiety meds because of the anxiety Anna causes me and the meds don’t help as much as i wish they would…",1,day playing game chatting phone friend let call bri friend staying month let call anna told anna would phone nodded later got call anna felt like perfect time call friend super super loud phone letting anna stay courtesy place town stay worked got phone bri anna felt like using inside voice finally basically ended call around anna freeloading pay rent like said would think incredibly rude act way one time past month phone call thing anxious bri talking deep stuff phone hear anna background super loud anxious whether bri mad live studio privacy anna feel like apologize bri let know earphone whole time know anna hear since really personal stuff talking anna took phone call lot thing anna done freeloading upset another time since actually started taking anti anxiety med anxiety anna cause med help much wish would -"I have severe eco-anxiety. Sometimes it’s so bad I have a breakdown and think how can I possibly go on with life if it’s headed somewhere so awful. I’m always worried about my future ever since I was a kid. However most of the time when I’m doing okay I want to keep living and I want to do what I can to make that happen. I so often see people saying such morbid and pessimistic things about the future like they’ve already given up and I find this so disheartening. I also don’t think many people realize what this attitude does to peoples mental health, it is incredibly harmful. This kind of opinion breeds consequence and makes more and more people feel the same way. - -I just want everyone to think about what they say on the internet and how it can be harmful. Anger and negativity don’t do any good so let’s not waste time and energy focusing on the bad that was done; rather we should focus on what we can do and how we can help (no matter how small). The worst thing you can do for the planet is expect someone else to save it. Please remember: it’s never too late to save the planet. - -Edit: I wanted to add something. Marketing it a powerful tool. Studies have shown that fear mongering does not work and just creates despair and inaction. People need to believe the planet it saveable to save it so when talking about these issues please try to leave the intense negativity aside. Also I don’t want everyone to feel like the world is on their shoulders I just want to do what I can to create a more optimistic attitude towards the future. Any small change you can make makes a difference.",1,severe eco anxiety sometimes bad breakdown think possibly go life headed somewhere awful always worried future ever since kid however time okay want keep living want make happen often see people saying morbid pessimistic thing future like already given find disheartening also think many people realize attitude people mental health incredibly harmful kind opinion breed consequence make people feel way want everyone think say internet harmful anger negativity good let waste time energy focusing bad done rather focus help matter small worst thing planet expect someone else save please remember never late save planet edit wanted add something marketing powerful tool study shown fear mongering work creates despair inaction people need believe planet saveable save talking issue please try leave intense negativity aside also want everyone feel like world shoulder want create optimistic attitude towards future small change make make difference -"They didn’t respond after a day so I brought it up in person if they even got it and if they liked it. They said that pictures stress them out (knowing that they could be accessed by a hacker) and that they didn’t do it for them. I like to send pictures when i’m feeling good because it makes me feel even better! But, this sting of rejection is really tough for my anxiety. I feel silly and ashamed and don’t understand how he didn’t like it.",1,respond day brought person even got liked said picture stress knowing could accessed hacker like send picture feeling good make feel even better sting rejection really tough anxiety feel silly ashamed understand like -"(English isn't my native language, so please excuse possible incorrect grammar) - -Hi guys, So a quick explanation to why I (15F) want to get diagnosed, I've been struggling with Panik attacks and alot of anxiety since I was a toddler (I think about 4 or 5 yrs/old). I've done quite alot of research about GAD, and the vast majority of the symptoms I could find, describe what I'm struggling with quite well... - -So lately I've been thinking about telling my physiatrist and I have a lot of questions and worries surrounding that. - -It would really mean alot to me to read some of you guy's experience with getting diagnosed, feel free to share in the comment :). - -First of all i don't really know how to approach this conversation with her? Like how do I start it, and what kind of questions could she ask me? - -Im diagnosed with ADHD, I don't know if the process is similar to that of an anxiety disorder diagnosed... - -And second, what if I don't have an anxiety disorder? Ive been struggling my whole life, it honestly feels like my anxiety has pretty much full control over what I do, and especially what I don't do. - -Thanks! <3",1,english native language please excuse possible incorrect grammar hi guy quick explanation f want get diagnosed struggling panik attack alot anxiety since toddler think yr old done quite alot research gad vast majority symptom could find describe struggling quite well lately thinking telling physiatrist lot question worry surrounding would really mean alot read guy experience getting diagnosed feel free share comment first really know approach conversation like start kind question could ask im diagnosed adhd know process similar anxiety disorder diagnosed second anxiety disorder ive struggling whole life honestly feel like anxiety pretty much full control especially thanks lt -When I talk to people they ask me stuff and everything most my reply just yes no or I'm good but in my mind there's just so much I want to say I just keep it all held in and I hate it I try talk and I feel so stupid how can I just open up and talk to people,1,talk people ask stuff everything reply yes good mind much want say keep held hate try talk feel stupid open talk people -"I have got work related anxiety and having a tough time to understand if i should leave this job/project and join another company or project. - -Why this decision is to be made? I am kinda the wiz kid in the project who knows everything and everyone is kind of dependent on me, which puts me in a spot where i can fail alot. - -I am trying to decide what is the right thing to do, I am in therapy as well. I get triggered whenever i think about work and now it has become something that happens whenever i think of some big decision, i have developed fear of stuff which i never had like heights, or crossing the road (i do cross the road but it takes a lot of time). - -I hope the advice i get from this sub reddit will be helpful and help ME decide, because mental is first.",1,got work related anxiety tough time understand leave job project join another company project decision made kinda wiz kid project know everything everyone kind dependent put spot fail alot trying decide right thing therapy well get triggered whenever think work become something happens whenever think big decision developed fear stuff never like height crossing road cross road take lot time hope advice get sub reddit helpful help decide mental first -Had anyone tried Luvox? I know it’s for OCD but I was given that for said OCD and panic disorder. I’m bipolar and am already on 5 medications. I just wanna know about side effects and if it has either worked or given anyone trouble,1,anyone tried luvox know ocd given said ocd panic disorder bipolar already medication wan na know side effect either worked given anyone trouble -I’ve been struggling super hard with my anxiety as it’s popped up in the most inconvenient of times. It’s to the point I don’t want to go out places with my boyfriend or family parties or anything. Every time I do I have an anxiety/panic attack and have to leave. Has anyone had any experience overcoming this? Im on medication and just started therapy just get nervous and feel like something is so wrong with me and I just want to be better!,1,struggling super hard anxiety popped inconvenient time point want go place boyfriend family party anything every time anxiety panic attack leave anyone experience overcoming im medication started therapy get nervous feel like something wrong want better -"I recently found out I have high level of anxiety, and I notice I’m very anxious at work all the time, I just wondering if there’s any job that is not to stressful and I can still survive? I also think about starting my own business, will that be a good idea?",1,recently found high level anxiety notice anxious work time wondering job stressful still survive also think starting business good idea -"I know I'm not—I'm fully aware that I'm not dying. The problem is the fact that it feels extremely difficult to breathe even though I know nothing is wrong. My lungs are genuinely taking in all the air that they can, and I don't have any medical issues. There's no pressure around my ribs, yet I feel trapped. I feel like I'm running out of breath and it's making me panic (and that in itself is making it even harder to breathe). I feel on the verge of a panic attack. - -Even my posture is fine. Has anyone else felt this weird out-of-breath sensation? It feels like no matter how much air I take in, it's not enough.",1,know fully aware dying problem fact feel extremely difficult breathe even though know nothing wrong lung genuinely taking air medical issue pressure around rib yet feel trapped feel like running breath making panic making even harder breathe feel verge panic attack even posture fine anyone else felt weird breath sensation feel like matter much air take enough -,1,nan -So I had a doctor’s appointment on a school day and I was so anxious about missing 1 day of school I was crying because i would miss stuff that day and was anxious about being behind on my work because my grades are expected to stay the same and not drop. Is this anxiety or just pressure put on me?,1,doctor appointment school day anxious missing day school cry would miss stuff day anxious behind work grade expected stay drop anxiety pressure put -Strangling you like your worries won’t let you breathe,1,strangling like worry let breathe -"Hi everyone- it's my first time posting on this forum. I'm really in a bad spot wondering if my anxiety ruined my situationship and would love to talk it through with someone? If anyone could message me i'd really appreciate it. - -Here's a bit more color on the situation: we were good friends, started talking in December, hooked up beginning of February. Got into a disagreement the next weekend at a bar because this girl who he had hooked up with previously was all over him and it made me visibly very uncomfortable. We spend the next 3 weeks talking every day but not seeing each other. I definitely try to initiate a few hangouts (so does he but less so) and it didn't really work. I know he's also talking to other girls as well but continues to tell me that he really likes me and just wants to keep getting to know me better. - -Last saturday we hook up. He again tells me how much he likes me and that he doesnt want to play games. Thursday I ask him over snapchat if he wants to meet up for St Paddys and he doesnt answer. We end up at the same bar. I make a comment saying ""ohh I thought you said no games"" just teasing. He gets upset and thinks I'm trying to have a feelings talk with him at a bar while he's drunk. We flush it out over text the next day and I ask him if he wants to hang out this weekend. He says we'll see and that he has some plans already. We end up bumping into each other again on Saturday, this time we talk the whole afternoon but I can tell he's less flirty, more withdrawn. He's going to a concert so he leaves. I tell him later we're all going out to this bar he likes and he hearts the message. This morning I snap him and ask how the concert was, no response. - -Obviously. I need to leave this man alone at least for a little bit. But i feel like back the first time we hooked up he was so so into me. Then I ruined it by being jealous at the bar and by continuing to only pursue him. I got complete tunnel vision. I should have just left him alone and maybe he would have come to me. But now I've put so much pressure on the situation. - -It doesn't help that my roommate, who is his friend, tells me constantly how much he doesn't actually like me and that he's just a player.",1,hi everyone first time posting forum really bad spot wondering anxiety ruined situationship would love talk someone anyone could message really appreciate bit color situation good friend started talking december hooked beginning february got disagreement next weekend bar girl hooked previously made visibly uncomfortable spend next week talking every day seeing definitely try initiate hangout le really work know also talking girl well continues tell really like want keep getting know better last saturday hook tell much like doesnt want play game thursday ask snapchat want meet st paddy doesnt answer end bar make comment saying ohh thought said game teasing get upset think trying feeling talk bar drunk flush text next day ask want hang weekend say see plan already end bumping saturday time talk whole afternoon tell le flirty withdrawn going concert leaf tell later going bar like heart message morning snap ask concert response obviously need leave man alone least little bit feel like back first time hooked ruined jealous bar continuing pursue got complete tunnel vision left alone maybe would come put much pressure situation help roommate friend tell constantly much actually like player -"Hi all. I guess I just needed to share how i’m feeling. For 7 years i’ve been battling anxiety on and off. For 3 years it’s been health anxiety primarily heart. I’ve had so much testing done that shows i have rare benign PVCS. I’m healthy and what not. That’s great and all but this past week i called 911 and was in the hospital twice. I haven’t had to call since 2015. I will start seeing a therapist and psychiatrist as of this week 1-2 times a week. I’ve tried a lot of medicine and never had luck. I’m now on 5mg of buspirone with a potential of 10mg depending on how i do. I have ativan as needed for emergency medicine now too. I’m on day 2 of buspirone. I know things take time but before this past week i thought i was the best i’ve been in years. I’m sitting here sobbing because i can’t believe i’m back to square 1. i’m scared of medicine so i cry as i take the buspirone but i’m scared of not be okay too. I just feel so lost and hurt. I’m 25, i want to have a family of my own soon and i can’t even see past all my fear and confusion. I miss the old me. I know my triggers but i don’t know what’s truly deeply causing this. I’m so sad. I just want to be okay. To be my happy self. I was having so many more good than bad days. Why am i so scared of medicine? I am sorry to anyone who feels how i do or struggles. I am here for you",1,hi guess needed share feeling year battling anxiety year health anxiety primarily heart much testing done show rare benign pvc healthy great past week called 9 hospital twice call since 0 start seeing therapist psychiatrist week time week tried lot medicine never luck mg buspirone potential 0mg depending ativan needed emergency medicine day buspirone know thing take time past week thought best year sitting sobbing believe back square scared medicine cry take buspirone scared okay feel lost hurt want family soon even see past fear confusion miss old know trigger know truly deeply causing sad want okay happy self many good bad day scared medicine sorry anyone feel struggle -"My mental health has been sharply declining lately for various reasons, and I've found myself in a constant state of dread and paranoia. - -I'm far more nervous than usual, and I'm very uneasy around other people, even my family. In general, I've been very jumpy recently. I'm constantly glancing over my shoulder at shadows in the corners of my vision. Mostly, I just feel very unnerved, like the feeling you get after watching a horror movie. The ""unnerved"" feeling is the worst part because it's been interfering with my sleep. - -DAE experience this, and how do I make it go away?",1,mental health sharply declining lately various reason found constant state dread paranoia far nervous usual uneasy around people even family general jumpy recently constantly glancing shoulder shadow corner vision mostly feel unnerved like feeling get watching horror movie unnerved feeling worst part interfering sleep dae experience make go away -for the past year i have been doing online school and now im going back to high school but i have to meet with my school dean today and im so so nervous,1,past year online school im going back high school meet school dean today im nervous -"To be fair, I don't have access to much of my family's history past my parents so I don't know if there's a possibility that someone in my family tree had anxiety, but when I was younger I remember taking online tests about anxiety because I couldn't see a therapist, then worrying about the results. Did I somehow create my anxiety by self-diagnosis, then spin it into the real thing??",1,fair access much family history past parent know possibility someone family tree anxiety younger remember taking online test anxiety see therapist worrying result somehow create anxiety self diagnosis spin real thing -"Im currently looking into getting a diagnosis for GAD but it the meanwhile I have been thinking. - -I have been on multiple different medications, different diets, being more physically active, Therapy, etc - -And yet despite everything I haven't made any progress into controling my anxiety, it still controls my life - -I'm so tired of being worthless and I don't know if I'll ever be happy with my life",1,im currently looking getting diagnosis gad meanwhile thinking multiple different medication different diet physically active therapy etc yet despite everything made progress controling anxiety still control life tired worthless know ever happy life -,1,nan -"I have GAD and have been going through an emotional upheaval with my partner causing extra stress. -I've been reducing my Lexapro slightly as I felt it was not working but now am more anxious than ever despite tiny changes. -Today I woke up full of dread to go to work. No reason, I love my job, but it all felt too much. As a mid ground I decided to work from home today instead of going in. - -I still feel light headed and awful and have the added guilt of messing clients around by changing the schedule or converting to online services. - -What do I do? How do I get myself to work when it all feels too much?",1,gad going emotional upheaval partner causing extra stress reducing lexapro slightly felt working anxious ever despite tiny change today woke full dread go work reason love job felt much mid ground decided work home today instead going still feel light headed awful added guilt messing client around changing schedule converting online service get work feel much -Had it under control for 3 years taking zoloft every day started to feel better and stopped taking it was good for like 7 months then changes came into my life like new job had to move to a different city and came back out of nowhere with vengeance I'm so tired of it idnk if I can get it under controlled this time it's crippling my life...,1,control year taking zoloft every day started feel better stopped taking good like month change came life like new job move different city came back nowhere vengeance tired idnk get controlled time crippling life -,1,nan -"Hello, i have been dealing with ""bad"" anxiety for less than a week now, which means that it might not last for long, but the idea of it just going away seems unrealistic, and I want to be able to deal with my anxiety in the future if it pursues me for the rest of my life. I am 22 years of age and live alone, I a couple of close friends and family, and before my first panic attack where I thought I was dying, I was having the best time of my life to be completely honest, and it somewhat saddens me that my life took at turn for the worse. I have always had bad social anxiety, but it has gotten better, though, my panic attack and my panicked state since last Sunday (3/13) have me questioning what is happening, and if the anxiety stems from something unresolved, I acknowledge that this would better be discussed with a therapist, but the wait time is long. To be clear, I have far from lost hope, but I would like to hear how you guys on here figured out what might be causing it (if you did), and lastly everyone should know that anxiety isn't going to be the same forever, even if it seems bad it can change for the better, just like a person, and it is natural, even though the body's instincts might be acting out of whack.",1,hello dealing bad anxiety le week mean might last long idea going away seems unrealistic want able deal anxiety future pursues rest life year age live alone couple close friend family first panic attack thought dying best time life completely honest somewhat saddens life took turn worse always bad social anxiety gotten better though panic attack panicked state since last sunday questioning happening anxiety stem something unresolved acknowledge would better discussed therapist wait time long clear far lost hope would like hear guy figured might causing lastly everyone know anxiety going forever even seems bad change better like person natural even though body instinct might acting whack -Ya'll ever had beef with a microwave or an alarm clock?,1,ya ever beef microwave alarm clock -"I’m scared of something and I can’t tell whether I’m being irrational or not. I spend most of my time desperately trying to avoid this particular thing in order to avoid triggering the anxiety (I can’t even type the word). I’m not even sure if I’m afraid of the thing itself or just the anxiety it provokes. I want to confront this fear, but I’m worried that something bad will happen if I do. How do I work up the courage?",1,scared something tell whether irrational spend time desperately trying avoid particular thing order avoid triggering anxiety even type word even sure afraid thing anxiety provokes want confront fear worried something bad happen work courage -"Just recently moved into a small condo to be someone's caregiver and I have my own space but I am constantly worried about my neighbors. Especially the ones bellow and above me. I worry about every single conversation being overheard and listened to. I worry that as a bigger guy I sound like an elephant walking to those bellow. I worry that the fancy sound bar and subwoofer I bought before moving was even an idea is too loud even at quiet levels. I hate this. I feel like I am worried about every single nosie I make. - -I am so used to living in a house with space between each one. Back when I could blast my music. Or watch movies with the bass turned up... Now I am paranoid of watching horror movies because I am afraid that one of my neighbors is going to hear screams and think something weird is going on. Or hell watching pretty much anything else because I don't want to be annoying. I know this is all irrational....I know the floors and walls are probably thicker then I think... But anxiety won't let me relax. I am just paranoid about every sound I make here.",1,recently moved small condo someone caregiver space constantly worried neighbor especially one bellow worry every single conversation overheard listened worry bigger guy sound like elephant walking bellow worry fancy sound bar subwoofer bought moving even idea loud even quiet level hate feel like worried every single nosie make used living house space one back could blast music watch movie bass turned paranoid watching horror movie afraid one neighbor going hear scream think something weird going hell watching pretty much anything else want annoying know irrational know floor wall probably thicker think anxiety let relax paranoid every sound make -"So I already posted something about this before but it was more of a vent. This is more of a flailing desperate attempt to figure out what to do. I have a jury summons tomorrow morning. I'm crossing my fingers that somehow despite it being the weekend they might still update my status as ended so I don't have to go but I know my chances are slim to none. - -I know myself well, even if I manage to get any sleep at all, tomorrow morning will be hell on earth. My anxiety is gonna have a field day(it's already pregaming right now). Given that info, I was wondering if any of you have called in sick to your jury summons because of anxiety and how that went? - -I'm willing to try going but should I find that my anxiety is just too much I'd like to have some sort of a plan B. It kind of scares me, the idea of calling in, cause idk if they'd consider sickness caused by anxiety a good enough reason. Besides that I know some places will just have you reschedule while others might not be so easy going. All this legal stuff freaks me out. I don't want to be held in contempt, sent to jail, or fined but I also would rather not have to have a mental break down in front of a bunch of people. - -I don't really have any medication that can help other than propranolol but all that does is slow my heart rate. The last time I took it to try and help during a stressful event I still felt short of breath and really nauseous(which was honestly kind of new). I ended up having to hide away from people for like an hour till I felt somewhat better, even then after another hour or so I started feeling really anxious again. - -Idk what to do. I know jury summons isn't really that bad, most normal people just think it's boring but, for me, having so much wait time will just lead to me obsessing over how I'm feeling. I can't really distract myself that well because I'll constantly be anticipating being called up which could be within the first hour, could be multiple hours, or possibly not at all. On top of that, it's early in the morning which I have a pretty bad track record with too. Early mornings like that usually result in me feeling nauseous, which results in me not being able to eat much. You can't eat in the assembly room but you can't really leave in case they have an announcement so I'd have to wait. If I wait too long I start to feel really shaky and weak(I'd say hypoglycemic but I've been tested for that and apparently I don't have it, maybe I'm just in starvation mode all the time so I run out of energy/nutrients fast). - -Anyways, any advice is welcome.",1,already posted something vent flailing desperate attempt figure jury summons tomorrow morning crossing finger somehow despite weekend might still update status ended go know chance slim none know well even manage get sleep tomorrow morning hell earth anxiety gon na field day already pregaming right given info wondering called sick jury summons anxiety went willing try going find anxiety much like sort plan b kind scare idea calling cause idk consider sickness caused anxiety good enough reason besides know place reschedule others might easy going legal stuff freak want held contempt sent jail fined also would rather mental break front bunch people really medication help propranolol slow heart rate last time took try help stressful event still felt short breath really nauseous honestly kind new ended hide away people like hour till felt somewhat better even another hour started feeling really anxious idk know jury summons really bad normal people think boring much wait time lead obsessing feeling really distract well constantly anticipating called could within first hour could multiple hour possibly top early morning pretty bad track record early morning like usually result feeling nauseous result able eat much eat assembly room really leave case announcement wait wait long start feel really shaky weak say hypoglycemic tested apparently maybe starvation mode time run energy nutrient fast anyways advice welcome -"Im so confused and frustrated and conflicted and angry and want to cry. - -I feel like my friends have abandoned me all except one of them in our friend group never make plans or ask to hang out and all of them have new friend groups this year they’re closer with and its almost like there’s no one to talk to anymore. It’s my last year of highschool and I just feel like I don’t wanna be surrounded by any familiar faces from school anymore and that I don’t actually have any friends and people will just tolerate me or they just ignore me all together. A bunch of other stuff is going on but idk I just feel so lost and unproductive and like I have no goals. I never finish projects I start like hobby wise I never finish shows and it just makes me feel stupid and lazy. Whenever I try to talk to anyone in my family about something important or good I want to share I feel like most of the time it’s an unenthusiastic oh that’s great or just not now I’m stressed I have to get xyz done which I understand but I don’t like opening up for this reason. I also just can rarely describe my emotions properly or even know what I’m feeling, but I don’t even like talking about my emotions it makes me feel gross and pathetic.",1,im confused frustrated conflicted angry want cry feel like friend abandoned except one friend group never make plan ask hang new friend group year closer almost like one talk anymore last year highschool feel like wan na surrounded familiar face school anymore actually friend people tolerate ignore together bunch stuff going idk feel lost unproductive like goal never finish project start like hobby wise never finish show make feel stupid lazy whenever try talk anyone family something important good want share feel like time unenthusiastic oh great stressed get xyz done understand like opening reason also rarely describe emotion properly even know feeling even like talking emotion make feel gross pathetic -I have anxious attachment style and I have autism as well. I'm 28 and I've never had a relationship last more than 2 months. at this point I feel no ones gonna understand or love me and I'll be alone forever. do girls not like guys that are clingy and sensitive? do I have to change?,1,anxious attachment style autism well never relationship last month point feel one gon na understand love alone forever girl like guy clingy sensitive change -This guy and I have been dating for exactly a year. The last few days he has been angry at me because he doesn't like that I sleep and stay in bed all day. He yelled at me and told me to do something about my unhappiness. On Friday night he came into the bedroom and told me that he's sick of my lying in bed all day and always cancelling plans on him. Then Saturday morning he opened the bedroom curtains and I told him to shut them. He yelled at me and said that it's a nice day and that I need to see it. I came out of the bedroom later and we ended up having sex. Then I went back to bed. How do I dump him?,1,guy dating exactly year last day angry like sleep stay bed day yelled told something unhappiness friday night came bedroom told sick lying bed day always cancelling plan saturday morning opened bedroom curtain told shut yelled said nice day need see came bedroom later ended sex went back bed dump -,1,nan -"Hi, i hope you're alright. erm i dont have anyone to talk to about my problems so that is what mainly leads me here. I have been experiencing a very confusing and frustrating situation the past 2 years, well technically 15 years (i'm 20 yrs old), so through hundreds of small bits of information and realisations from family members, teachers, friends, colleagues and self reflection, I have realised that i have some sort of mental disability. My parents and family have tried to hide it from me my whole life, but since about 6 years old i have always known i was different to other people, but i just assumed it was my personality. I have suffered from anxiety my whole life and severe anxiety and depression since 15 years old, which no one knows about, not even my parents :/ - -I have always wondered to myself why i was so different to other people but i guess i never really thought that deep into it. Untill recently. i went through an awful lot at the ages 16-18, i was suicidal, i used to self harm bad, PTSD, i'd say i went crazy, i was just lost and confused. So i guess you could say i experienced a life time in 2 years, so i defintely learnt alot and i came out a completley changed person, for the best, not worst, which i am only seeing now. - -I learnt to appreciate life, family, friends, mental health and relationships, while you have them. I have always struggled to make friends, i have been bullied on and off in school and i struggle to keep my existing friendships, i struggle to talk to people, i also had to go to speech therapy sessions and haven1-1 hand writing sessions outside of school, everyone says im quiet, which i am, but i wish i wasn't, i have so much i want to say and express, i just really struggle doing it, so so i dont get embarrassed i tend not to talk too much. - -The past year i have realised that i have some sort of mental disability which has been quite alot for me to take on, especially on my own. Through alot of small things like when my college teacher refused to tick the box on a form which stated i had no learning difficulties for 9 months staright (""Well Dom how about this, lets leave the box unticked for now and if at a later date you decide to open up about it, we will tick it"") making feel like a fucking mental patient. So i told my cousin about this, and his response was ""wait your parents haven't told you"". So i left his house immeditetly, started driving home and broke down crying. - -I eventually got the guts to ask my parents, but their answer was ""we got you tested when you were a kid but the doctors said it was ""unconclusive"". Then i told my friends about all of this, and they all agreed that they think I have a disability/s like aspergers, autism , ADHD, OCD. Which shocked me even more. So then i started looking back through my life, and alot started to fall together and make sense, which was extremely emotional for me. Then i found out that my uncle and cousin on my dads side have aspergers, and that 1 auntie & 2 cousins have aspergers and 1 auntie has dylexia on my mums side, my mum and dad definitly have something too but no one will tell me, this then made me realise that i am an extreme cocktail of this. - -I have struggled my whole life, but assumed it was just me. But the thing is, i still dont know what i have and its making go crazy, my family are hiding it from me, i think i have aspergers, but then again it could be ADHD, dylslexia + something else, autism, i dont fucking know and i have no support off anyone, i have no one to talk to and im going insane, ive been feeling so lonely for 5 years, i really need a councincillor, im ashamed and afraid to tell my parents about my depression, anxiety and everything because i dont want them to start worrying about me, its also alot for me to admit its not that easy for me, i dont want my whole family knowing too. So everything is locked up inside me, then it comes out in weekly or monthly bursts where i just break down. I am writing this at that time. - -what would you recommend i do about this, do you have any advice, i would really appreciate it. - -I would appreciate talking to anyone who wants to share things too. - -Thanks",1,hi hope alright erm dont anyone talk problem mainly lead experiencing confusing frustrating situation past year well technically year 0 yr old hundred small bit information realisation family member teacher friend colleague self reflection realised sort mental disability parent family tried hide whole life since year old always known different people assumed personality suffered anxiety whole life severe anxiety depression since year old one know even parent always wondered different people guess never really thought deep untill recently went awful lot age suicidal used self harm bad ptsd say went crazy lost confused guess could say experienced life time year defintely learnt alot came completley changed person best worst seeing learnt appreciate life family friend mental health relationship always struggled make friend bullied school struggle keep existing friendship struggle talk people also go speech therapy session hand writing session outside school everyone say im quiet wish much want say express really struggle dont get embarrassed tend talk much past year realised sort mental disability quite alot take especially alot small thing like college teacher refused tick box form stated learning difficulty 9 month staright well dom let leave box unticked later date decide open tick making feel like fucking mental patient told cousin response wait parent told left house immeditetly started driving home broke cry eventually got gut ask parent answer got tested kid doctor said unconclusive told friend agreed think disability like aspergers autism adhd ocd shocked even started looking back life alot started fall together make sense extremely emotional found uncle cousin dad side aspergers auntie amp cousin aspergers auntie dylexia mum side mum dad definitly something one tell made realise extreme cocktail struggled whole life assumed thing still dont know making go crazy family hiding think aspergers could adhd dylslexia something else autism dont fucking know support anyone one talk im going insane ive feeling lonely year really need councincillor im ashamed afraid tell parent depression anxiety everything dont want start worrying also alot admit easy dont want whole family knowing everything locked inside come weekly monthly burst break writing time would recommend advice would really appreciate would appreciate talking anyone want share thing thanks -"(trigger warning) - -For the last few weeks I've been getting random bursts of anxiety almost like a panic attack is about to come on when I'm out for dinner with friends, in work or sometimes even when I'm alone. I've dealt with anxiety/panic attacks in the past and it went away for a while... I can't pin point anything that's triggering it since I've cut out caffeine etc. It seems to come on when I become hyper aware of my own existence and that I'm here on earth... Lol, idk how else to explain it. I have been drinking twice a week, maybe this could be causing it, I'm not sure. - -It's annoying because I'm trying to share valuable time with people and this has been getting in the way, it's making me annoyed at myself and I'm trying to not beat myself up over it... I was out for dinner earlier tonight with somebody I've been dating and had to excuse myself to take a breather, I explained to him when I came back that I felt a bit anxious and he was super empathetic and explained it happens to him sometimes too. - -Does anybody know any techniques to counteract a panic attack? I tried breathing exercises, but I'd be open to trying anything else if anyone has any advice.",1,trigger warning last week getting random burst anxiety almost like panic attack come dinner friend work sometimes even alone dealt anxiety panic attack past went away pin point anything triggering since cut caffeine etc seems come become hyper aware existence earth lol idk else explain drinking twice week maybe could causing sure annoying trying share valuable time people getting way making annoyed trying beat dinner earlier tonight somebody dating excuse take breather explained came back felt bit anxious super empathetic explained happens sometimes anybody know technique counteract panic attack tried breathing exercise open trying anything else anyone advice -"On Monday I woke up and had a temp of 39 degrees Celsius (102 Fahrenheit) so went to the hospital after waiting there for 6 hours I got diagnosed with a rare genetic heart problem called brugada syndrome and gastroenteritis. Been a fucking shit week lol - -I’m just venting just because I’ve got a problem with my heart doesn’t mean you do and I’m not trying to create any doubt in your minds just need to get it off my chest (lol)",1,monday woke temp 9 degree celsius 0 fahrenheit went hospital waiting hour got diagnosed rare genetic heart problem called brugada syndrome gastroenteritis fucking shit week lol venting got problem heart mean trying create doubt mind need get chest lol -"It happens a lot when I dissociate at least. I have been all day and everything seems like it’s moving at the speed of light. My whole body feels dizzy and shaky too (because I slept 14 hours, the main cause of me dissociating today). And sometimes it’ll randomly feel like everything is going super slow and it feels like I’m like stuck in quick sand or something trying to move forward and do stuff, but something keeps pulling me back",1,happens lot dissociate least day everything seems like moving speed light whole body feel dizzy shaky slept hour main cause dissociating today sometimes randomly feel like everything going super slow feel like like stuck quick sand something trying move forward stuff something keep pulling back -"My throat feels so wierd. I don't know if it's anxiety or something medical. I've heard anxiety makes your throat feel like this but I also don't feel like I'm anxious. This have never really happened to me before. I'm on medical so this shouldn't happen, should it? Someone please help.",1,throat feel wierd know anxiety something medical heard anxiety make throat feel like also feel like anxious never really happened medical happen someone please help -If your anxiety is attached to your career goals does success or validation relieve it?,1,anxiety attached career goal success validation relieve -"… i’ve been feeling pretty even consistently, which is good. - -I missed a dose the other night. I usually take them before bed, I fell asleep on the couch. By the time I woke up at 6 AM, I felt it was too late before the next dose, so just halved the dose. Today I truly felt the difference and realized the importance of this medication. - -I do find, that now that I know what it’s like to live like someone with a more normal brain wave thanks to the meds, when anxious starts do enter my mind now, it’s much more frightening than it was before, even though I’ve lived with GAD for a long time - I was diagnosed with it a couple of months ago and still I’m having difficulty accepting it. - -Does anyone else have the experience of anxious thoughts now more pronounced and frightening when they are experienced upon missing a dose?",1,feeling pretty even consistently good missed dose night usually take bed fell asleep couch time woke felt late next dose halved dose today truly felt difference realized importance medication find know like live like someone normal brain wave thanks med anxious start enter mind much frightening even though lived gad long time diagnosed couple month ago still difficulty accepting anyone else experience anxious thought pronounced frightening experienced upon missing dose -"Hello all. I have anxiety pretty bad which I take Lexapro for. Around the beginning this week, I started urinating blood. Its happened 4-5 times. Ever since then, I have had to go constantly. I made an appt that same day at my urologist and they did indeed confirm there was moderate blood in my urine. They requested I schedule a CT scan which I did at the beginning of April since thats all that was available. They also prescribed me an antibiotic which I have been taking a few days. So until something takes place... I just have these crappy symptoms in place until something happens. I dont know if I have a UTI, something else or what. I've never had one before so I dont know what to expect even if I did. I'm really not in any pain besides the discomfort of having to go constantly accompanied by a dull achy feeling. Its worse at night when I'm trying to sleep and laying in bed. Also tried Azo and has not helped either. Any ideas how to deal with this and not lose my mind in doing so?",1,hello anxiety pretty bad take lexapro around beginning week started urinating blood happened time ever since go constantly made appt day urologist indeed confirm moderate blood urine requested schedule ct scan beginning april since thats available also prescribed antibiotic taking day something take place crappy symptom place something happens dont know uti something else never one dont know expect even really pain besides discomfort go constantly accompanied dull achy feeling worse night trying sleep laying bed also tried azo helped either idea deal lose mind -"hi. i’m 14f. i wouldn’t say i have an ed, but i do have anxiety over food and weight. i’ve been told i’m slim and it want it to stay that way. however, my parents don’t seem to fully get that. my dad likes to make all my meals, which upsets me bc his food isn’t the healthiest. like, today, he made me a sandwich w a lot of mayonnaise, which got me into a rage filled episode where i punched my legs multiple times and couldn’t stop crying (tho i did they in the bathroom by myself). then afterwards he made me ice cream and that scared me even more so i aggressively worked out and punched my legs. i get so anxious that i’ll get bigger and so all i can think abt is food. i’ve tried to talk to my dad, but he doesn’t appreciate it. he enjoys making me food. my anxiety is getting so bad.",1,hi f say ed anxiety food weight told slim want stay way however parent seem fully get dad like make meal upset bc food healthiest like today made sandwich w lot mayonnaise got rage filled episode punched leg multiple time stop cry tho bathroom afterwards made ice cream scared even aggressively worked punched leg get anxious get bigger think abt food tried talk dad appreciate enjoys making food anxiety getting bad -Does anxiety get better after 30?,1,anxiety get better 0 -"I'm 23 yo female, I just graduated in November, and been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I always thought graduating was great cause I always wanted to start a career, and I can finally be a real adult. Plus, my symptoms were getting better and my shrink decided that I don't need meds anymore. - -Shortly after I graduated, I got a job were I basically create TikTok videos for a company. I thought I would enjoy this because I do really like being creative. But, they asked for too much videos in a day, with great quality (not just simple TikTok type videos) and I had to basically do everything alone. It took the joy out of something I truly passionate about. Plus they didn't pay me enough so I had to quit. - -Then I got a CS job for a hosting company, that pays well. Plus I can work from home which is a huge plus. I thought it was okay, BUT oh no. They didn't train us well to handle customes with their technical issues (and I don't have a tech/stem background) and the workload was scary for a fresh graduate. Even one of my co-worker who had a computer science degree quit at the second day of the job. I tried to suck it up but it worsen my depression and anxiety. Symptoms that were practically gone were coming back to me. I cried everyday because I keep thinking I'm stupid and inadequate. One day, I had a panic attack in the middle of my shift and I decided that it wasn't worth it anymore so I quit. - -Not working was so freeing but gave ne anxiety and depression as well because I see so many of my peers already starting their careers and they seem to be able to ""suck it up"". So I had to apply for a new job. - -Tomorrow was my first day, and my last job really traumatized me. I cried thinking that I would feel like that again, feeling trapped again, inadequate and stupid, and just overall feel like shit. Plus, thinking that we all have to do this for practically the rest of our lives is fucking scary. - -Do you have any suggestions or anything you can say?",1,yo female graduated november diagnosed depression anxiety always thought graduating great cause always wanted start career finally real adult plus symptom getting better shrink decided need med anymore shortly graduated got job basically create tiktok video company thought would enjoy really like creative asked much video day great quality simple tiktok type video basically everything alone took joy something truly passionate plus pay enough quit got c job hosting company pay well plus work home huge plus thought okay oh train u well handle customes technical issue tech stem background workload scary fresh graduate even one co worker computer science degree quit second day job tried suck worsen depression anxiety symptom practically gone coming back cried everyday keep thinking stupid inadequate one day panic attack middle shift decided worth anymore quit working freeing gave ne anxiety depression well see many peer already starting career seem able suck apply new job tomorrow first day last job really traumatized cried thinking would feel like feeling trapped inadequate stupid overall feel like shit plus thinking practically rest life fucking scary suggestion anything say -I’ve been having anxiety and i’m wondering if my sternum hurting is a part of it,1,anxiety wondering sternum hurting part -"Hello- I would really love some advice/ support from the community. All day long I've been so anxious that I absolutely ruined things between the guy I was interested in and myself. I really liked him and I got complete tunnel vision about it. - -I feel like we just ended up talking too much, that I was trying to get serious too soon, and that I ruined it all by not being the chill cool girl. HOW do I come back from seeming like a clingy freak. Is there a comeback from this?",1,hello would really love advice support community day long anxious absolutely ruined thing guy interested really liked got complete tunnel vision feel like ended talking much trying get serious soon ruined chill cool girl come back seeming like clingy freak comeback -"Towards the end of my senior year of high school my anxiety was at an all time high, I’d cry in the parking lot having a panic attack nearly every day and I missed sm school because of it. Luckily my school teachers and counselors were very understanding and helped me get through it and graduate but I was very close to not being able to walk due to my attendance. - -I got through it though and over the summer that extreme anxiously gradually faded out. Surprisingly when I entered college my anxiety was probably the best it’s ever been, to be specific my social anxiety was nearly non detectable(I still had some general anxiety about school and stuff but tbh even that was barely there most of the time). I kinda developed a carefree mindset where I stopped being so anxious about being a people pleaser and instead was just myself. I knew I was a good person, I’m funny, loyal, adventurous, and a good friend so if anyone didn’t like me that’s their loss(tbh I felt this way in high school too at least in terms of knowing my worth, the only difference is I was to afraid to show myself to people). - -Unfortunately though I think this carefree attitude went a bit too far as it started affecting my academics, I have ADHD too so that made me struggle with stuff ofc but I think that my new stance on my life kinda made everything even worse academically. I dropped out after one semester, I didn’t want to but I knew I had to since -- I was basically not trying at school -- didn’t like my major -- HORRIBLE grades -- I wouldn’t be able to afford it if my scholarship was taken away due to my grades -- if I stayed I’d probably be put on academic probation for a major I don’t even care about anymore - -There’s probably many more reasons that led to me dropping out but moral of the story is I’m not in school anymore. The past two months I’ve just been at home honestly doing nothing. I enrolled in community college but I attended two classes and then on the day of my 3rd class I got EXTREMELY depressed, probably the most depressed I’ve ever been, I couldn’t eat, sleep, or even drink water. Obviously I couldn’t get outta the house and go to my classes if I couldn’t even do basic things like that so my mom made me drop out(she was actually the one who kinda forced me into it, I wanted to just take a break from school for a semester and work for a bit so I could figure out what I wanted but she was adamant about going to community college). - -Since leaving community college I’ve been trying to get my shit together, I still have bad days depression wise but it’s gotten better. I started seeing my therapist again and I’m also getting tested by a neurologist to see if I have anything else going on outside of my ADHD, anxiety, and depression as my therapist and psychiatrist think I might have some processing disorders. Once I see the neurologist I think I wanna get a job again. My old job was great as it was a small business so they were less strict, I’m chronically late by at least 5-10 minutes but my old boss was understanding about that in a way I feel like larger businesses wouldn’t be. - -Anyways back to my point, today I got a sudden wave of anxiety I haven’t felt since probably my first day of college tbh. Since I haven’t experienced it in a while I forgot how debilitating and overwhelming it is, idk how to deal with it now.",1,towards end senior year high school anxiety time high cry parking lot panic attack nearly every day missed sm school luckily school teacher counselor understanding helped get graduate close able walk due attendance got though summer extreme anxiously gradually faded surprisingly entered college anxiety probably best ever specific social anxiety nearly non detectable still general anxiety school stuff tbh even barely time kinda developed carefree mindset stopped anxious people pleaser instead knew good person funny loyal adventurous good friend anyone like loss tbh felt way high school least term knowing worth difference afraid show people unfortunately though think carefree attitude went bit far started affecting academic adhd made struggle stuff ofc think new stance life kinda made everything even worse academically dropped one semester want knew since basically trying school like major horrible grade able afford scholarship taken away due grade stayed probably put academic probation major even care anymore probably many reason led dropping moral story school anymore past two month home honestly nothing enrolled community college attended two class day rd class got extremely depressed probably depressed ever eat sleep even drink water obviously get outta house go class even basic thing like mom made drop actually one kinda forced wanted take break school semester work bit could figure wanted adamant going community college since leaving community college trying get shit together still bad day depression wise gotten better started seeing therapist also getting tested neurologist see anything else going outside adhd anxiety depression therapist psychiatrist think might processing disorder see neurologist think wan na get job old job great small business le strict chronically late least 0 minute old bos understanding way feel like larger business anyways back point today got sudden wave anxiety felt since probably first day college tbh since experienced forgot debilitating overwhelming idk deal -"I was on Lexapro 10mg for over a year and it worked amazingly and went off of it with my doctor’s approval. I had brain zaps and dizziness for like 5 weeks and then got hit by a truck with physical anxiety symptoms. I was off for 7 weeks total. Some symptoms were the same as why I started it in the first place like head pressure, racing heart and a lot of trouble sleeping. I was a wreck before Lexapro with constant panic attacks and physical anxiety. But I got new symptoms of forehead and face numbness with tingling and burning sensations which I haven’t had before. I’ve been back on Lexapro for 2 and half weeks and the symptoms that are driving me crazy are the face numbness and tingling. It’s been ongoing for 3 weeks. I spoke to my doctors and am seeing a neurologist. I’m scared this is a rebound/withdrawal affect of stopping Lexapro and that it’s never going to go away. I hope it’s just anxiety. I can’t focus on anything feeling like I have this constant burning and numbness. I’m seriously freaking out and I hope it goes away.",1,lexapro 0mg year worked amazingly went doctor approval brain zap dizziness like week got hit truck physical anxiety symptom week total symptom started first place like head pressure racing heart lot trouble sleeping wreck lexapro constant panic attack physical anxiety got new symptom forehead face numbness tingling burning sensation back lexapro half week symptom driving crazy face numbness tingling ongoing week spoke doctor seeing neurologist scared rebound withdrawal affect stopping lexapro never going go away hope anxiety focus anything feeling like constant burning numbness seriously freaking hope go away -"I’ve had anxiety since I was 19. That was 7 years after my brothers death & my dad’s assent into abusive alcoholism. 4 years after my discovery of OxyContin. The year of my mom’s diagnosis of breast cancer. They were all dead by the time I was 25. - -I’ve been addicted to damn near everything in my lifetime; IV user of heroin & amphetamines. But nothing was ever as bad as the Xanax era. My mom was dying in front of my eyes, just wasting away. We were homeless for a while. We slept in the same bed smoking meth and taking any RX med that took us out of the moment. - -I’m 31 now. I’m married, living in a shitty basement apartment. I developed epilepsy last year & have been out of work since. My husband works a lot so I’m just alone a lot of the time. Been on so many psych meds. Spent months in a top-ranked trauma center in Baltimore. Got 2 rounds of electro-convulsive therapy. Ketamine treatments. Just completed my 3rd inpatient drug rehab on Friday, back to drinking by Sunday. - -I.cannot.take.this.anymore. - -What do I fucking do? Like can anybody help? I’ve done recovery programs. Worked the steps. Been in therapy once a week for the last 3 years. Nothing is working and I just don’t want to be here anymore. - -Somebody please help. Please.",1,anxiety since 9 year brother death amp dad assent abusive alcoholism year discovery oxycontin year mom diagnosis breast cancer dead time addicted damn near everything lifetime iv user heroin amp amphetamine nothing ever bad xanax era mom dying front eye wasting away homeless slept bed smoking meth taking rx med took u moment married living shitty basement apartment developed epilepsy last year amp work since husband work lot alone lot time many psych med spent month top ranked trauma center baltimore got round electro convulsive therapy ketamine treatment completed rd inpatient drug rehab friday back drinking sunday take anymore fucking like anybody help done recovery program worked step therapy week last year nothing working want anymore somebody please help please -"For weeks I was cripplingly anxious ALL day but had a few drinks and realised I’m only ever comfortable when drunk….idk I realise it’s unhealthy like soooo much, but it’s better than my sober self l, how can I try and feel the same when I’m sober?",1,week cripplingly anxious day drink realised ever comfortable drunk idk realise unhealthy like soooo much better sober self l try feel sober -"Hi, I keep getting stressed/anxious all of a sudden and don't know why. For example, this morning i woke up pretty calm and was just relaxing in my apartment doing random things, i started to watch a show then all of a sudden realize i feel restless and slightly weird and i notice my jaw is clenched but i cant unclench it and then yeah it usually just spirals from there or i just feel really fragile for the next hour or two. Any advice... its starting to happen multiple times per day, when i'm trying to do things and completely gets in the way. I haven't been able to do schoolwork in 3 weeks or anything that requires much brain power",1,hi keep getting stressed anxious sudden know example morning woke pretty calm relaxing apartment random thing started watch show sudden realize feel restless slightly weird notice jaw clenched cant unclench yeah usually spiral feel really fragile next hour two advice starting happen multiple time per day trying thing completely get way able schoolwork week anything requires much brain power -"Ok I have social anxiety. -I’m actually quiet smart, however when I’m in social situation the anxiety is so much my brain goes to mush. Like simple things like counting money etc is so hard because my heart is beating through my ears. I also dissociate. Has anyone else experienced this phenomenon. When I’m by myself I can do all these tasks easily but in front of people literally become an invalid. - -Like its hilarious how people dumb down things for me. Sad but all you can do is laugh.",1,ok social anxiety actually quiet smart however social situation anxiety much brain go mush like simple thing like counting money etc hard heart beating ear also dissociate anyone else experienced phenomenon task easily front people literally become invalid like hilarious people dumb thing sad laugh -"I have social anxiety, but over the last couple months I’ve become more and more scared of people. -Im not talking about the social aspect but about the behaviour of people. They can be so agressive, some people at my school just have no shame and wanna fight you etc. -and it really really scares me and makes me so anxious. It makes it so hard to just go out and go to school.",1,social anxiety last couple month become scared people im talking social aspect behaviour people agressive people school shame wan na fight etc really really scare make anxious make hard go go school -"For past 6 months I’ve been having those really weird head rushes while falling asleep. It’s like sudden tension headache/head adrenaline rush. It’s a really weird feeling. Almost like my head is going to explode. When i open my eyes my anxiety obviously kicks in but the head thingy immediately stops. Even though the tension headache is kinda on going. - -My anxiety started because lf this head thingy that started happening to me and i also developed a little depression because of it cause i have 0 idea what that is and even doctors are clueless. - -Anyone have an idea? I am struggeling so hard since this started.",1,past month really weird head rush falling asleep like sudden tension headache head adrenaline rush really weird feeling almost like head going explode open eye anxiety obviously kick head thingy immediately stop even though tension headache kinda going anxiety started lf head thingy started happening also developed little depression cause 0 idea even doctor clueless anyone idea struggeling hard since started -Today has just been so shitty. It’s so busy at the store I work at and I just constantly feel like I can’t breath today. I’m also so paranoid because I’ve been texting my family literally all day and nobody’s gotten back to me so I’m stupidly paranoid about something bad happening to them.,1,today shitty busy store work constantly feel like breath today also paranoid texting family literally day nobody gotten back stupidly paranoid something bad happening -"it's excruciating every time i interact with a romantic partner because I go basically mute when otherwise, with anyone else, or even with that same person just before we're ""dating"", I'm hyper and outgoing and comfortable and creative and I can experience and express thoughts in my head. I say ""a"" partner as I've dated four, all very different types of people, and experienced the same draining of brain juice as soon as we make eye contact as ""partners"". it sucks. lemme know if you can chat about it!!!! all relationships lasted almost to a year and I'm in 12th grade by the way. thanks for reading and take care today!!!!!",1,excruciating every time interact romantic partner go basically mute otherwise anyone else even person dating hyper outgoing comfortable creative experience express thought head say partner dated four different type people experienced draining brain juice soon make eye contact partner suck lem know chat relationship lasted almost year th grade way thanks reading take care today -"sometimes when i’m sitting down, usually while thinking about something negative or feeling stressed/anxious (which means my breathing is also a bit shallow or slow), i suddenly feel a moderately painful pinch/zap sensation in my chest that is also felt exactly in my wrist at the same time, like the same nerve was zapped. - -is this something that could be due to anxiety/stress? i’ve had an xray and echocardiogram that both came back normal. do any of you also experience this?",1,sometimes sitting usually thinking something negative feeling stressed anxious mean breathing also bit shallow slow suddenly feel moderately painful pinch zap sensation chest also felt exactly wrist time like nerve zapped something could due anxiety stress xray echocardiogram came back normal also experience -I have anxious attachment style and I have autism as well. I'm 28 and I've never had a relationship last more than 2 months. at this point I feel no ones gonna understand or love me and I'll be alone forever. do girls not like guys that are clingy and sensitive? do I have to change?,1,anxious attachment style autism well never relationship last month point feel one gon na understand love alone forever girl like guy clingy sensitive change -"I am 27 years old and I finallly came to the conclusion that I need help with Anxiety. I signed up for therapy and will have my first session in a couple of days. Prior to the therapy session, I met with a prescriber to discuss medication. They recomended starting me off on Zoloft or Lexapro. - -In general I tend to think of medication as a last resort, not just for things like this, but in all aspects. For example I rarely used medinces perscribed to me for pain after surgeries and would only use them if absolutely necesarry. I don't even like taking ibuprofen for a headache unless it is unbearable. - -Given that, I am trying to figure out whether or going on anxiety medication is necessary for me or not. I am worried about going on something for the rest of my life and am a little concerned about the side effects. On the other hand, I have been reading some posts on here about how much meds helped people. - -I am hoping to hear from some people that have been on any of these medications and what their experiences were. Also if anyone has any thoughts on whether or not someone that is new to this whole Anexiety improvement journey should jump into meds or just try therapy first and see how that goes. - -I always kind of ignored my anxiety and told myself that since I have been able to graduate from college with a good degree, hold down a great job for several years and maintain good relationships that my anxiety must not be that bad. But as time goes by I am starting to feel like it is getting worse and is negatively impacting my happiness and is leading my to lean on stimulants and alcohol too much, which doesn't seem like a long term healthy way of handling this. - -I have also had a couple of concussions in the last few years so I am not sure how much that plays into what I am going through. - -I would really appreciate it if some people could speak to their experiences or have any encouragement or advice for someone just starting out in therapy and potentially medication. - -Please reach out if I can add additional context to my situation to help clarity where I am at. - -Also, I was reading some other posts on this sub about people being tired all of the time. I have spent years trying to figure out medically why to no avail. I am starting to wondering if my axiety is causing it. Can anyone speak to any experiences or epiphanies they have had with this? - -Thanks! - -Garrison",1,year old finallly came conclusion need help anxiety signed therapy first session couple day prior therapy session met prescriber discus medication recomended starting zoloft lexapro general tend think medication last resort thing like aspect example rarely used medinces perscribed pain surgery would use absolutely necesarry even like taking ibuprofen headache unless unbearable given trying figure whether going anxiety medication necessary worried going something rest life little concerned side effect hand reading post much med helped people hoping hear people medication experience also anyone thought whether someone new whole anexiety improvement journey jump med try therapy first see go always kind ignored anxiety told since able graduate college good degree hold great job several year maintain good relationship anxiety must bad time go starting feel like getting worse negatively impacting happiness leading lean stimulant alcohol much seem like long term healthy way handling also couple concussion last year sure much play going would really appreciate people could speak experience encouragement advice someone starting therapy potentially medication please reach add additional context situation help clarity also reading post sub people tired time spent year trying figure medically avail starting wondering axiety causing anyone speak experience epiphany thanks garrison -"Does anyone have such horrible anxiety that they have full lost their appetite? I have terrible 24/7 anxiety. I have a new job to attend, 2 small kids to take care of, a mortgage to pay, and my anxiety is out of this world everyday. I am down to having the desire to drink tea/water only and I don’t know how much longer I can function. -Trying to keep up with basic baseline life is so miserable as an anxious person.",1,anyone horrible anxiety full lost appetite terrible anxiety new job attend small kid take care mortgage pay anxiety world everyday desire drink tea water know much longer function trying keep basic baseline life miserable anxious person -"I need help on how to stop dizziness from anxiety, i haven’t been sleeping well",1,need help stop dizziness anxiety sleeping well -"I just can't seem to relax throughout the day, every time I think about sitting down and reading/watching a TV show/meditating/putting a face mask on etc I've got 1000 things on my mind (random stuff, anxious thoughts, things I have to get done etcetc) so I never get to truly relax. I panic just thinking about reading cause it'll be calm and there's ""nothing"" to distract me from my thoughts (until I'm able to focus on the book, which can take a while). - -The only time I'm able to actively relax is when I'm tired. After I've worked out for 1-2h in the gym or late at night. Gotta find the sweet spot between ""anxious mess"" and ""falling asleep"". Feels like walking a tightrope &even when I manage to get there I have more important stuff to do than relaxing (eg. studying & other stuff that my anxious self didn't manage to do)",1,seem relax throughout day every time think sitting reading watching tv show meditating putting face mask etc got 000 thing mind random stuff anxious thought thing get done etcetc never get truly relax panic thinking reading cause calm nothing distract thought able focus book take time able actively relax tired worked h gym late night got ta find sweet spot anxious mess falling asleep feel like walking tightrope amp even manage get important stuff relaxing eg studying amp stuff anxious self manage -"I'm a girl on the autism spectrum about to leave my school (Graduation year.) but dammit my school (A school meant to help Autistic youth mind you) has been going down the drain over the past few years and it has gotten extremely worried about how I'm going to work in the future, if I can even get a job at all...",1,girl autism spectrum leave school graduation year dammit school school meant help autistic youth mind going drain past year gotten extremely worried going work future even get job -"Advice for Adult Separation Anxiety. I (21/M) have been with my girlfriend (22/F) for over 4 years. Our whole relationship we have lived apart (at our parents house) and still do with no issues. We see each multiple times a week, do fun/romantic things, almost never fight. She is the love of my life and I seriously see myself spending the rest of my life with her. - -2 weeks ago, I got COVID and I isolated in my room for 10 days (only the third time in our relationship we’ve been apart for this long) After the isolation I came out with a new found love for my girlfriend. I realized that I truly want her in my life and I want to be with her forever ( I knew this before but it was like a huge reminder). - -Since my isolation has ended though and I saw her again anytime I’m away from her I have crazy anxiety. Like almost can’t function, don’t eat…etc. Nothing has changed expect for the better IMO, I now realize she’s the one and she feels the same way. But for some reason after 4 years of no issues (mentally or in our relationship) I have developed what I believe after doing some research to be Adult Separation Anxiety (definitely anxiety) - -I’ve told my girlfriend all this and had a big cry with her and she has been nothing but supportive and loving. I know she’s with me for the long haul and I’m not worried about that when I’m thinking straight but when I’m not with her I go crazy. - -I’ve reached out to an online therapy company to have a virtual session as I need help and I don’t know what to do. My girlfriend is super supportive but this can’t be healthy for a relationship that my biggest fear is losing. - -Just looking for some advice. Maybe some similar experiences and how you went about it. Anything helps.",1,advice adult separation anxiety girlfriend f year whole relationship lived apart parent house still issue see multiple time week fun romantic thing almost never fight love life seriously see spending rest life week ago got covid isolated room 0 day third time relationship apart long isolation came new found love girlfriend realized truly want life want forever knew like huge reminder since isolation ended though saw anytime away crazy anxiety like almost function eat etc nothing changed expect better imo realize one feel way reason year issue mentally relationship developed believe research adult separation anxiety definitely anxiety told girlfriend big cry nothing supportive loving know long haul worried thinking straight go crazy reached online therapy company virtual session need help know girlfriend super supportive healthy relationship biggest fear losing looking advice maybe similar experience went anything help -"So here I am at a baby shower, only person I know is the expectant mom. Sitting at a table by myself. I HATE events like this!",1,baby shower person know expectant mom sitting table hate event like -"Its turned into a fear of leaving the house or even driving a mile away from fear of having a panic attack. Its just getting terrible and its just so much to take. Like 3 months ago i was living in a big city, walking 2 miles to and from work by myself on a busy street no problem. Now im terrified of even driving a couple miles to a gas station without fear of a terrifying panic attack.",1,turned fear leaving house even driving mile away fear panic attack getting terrible much take like month ago living big city walking mile work busy street problem im terrified even driving couple mile gas station without fear terrifying panic attack -"Hello all! - -I am in need of some advice and input on behalf of my wife. She was officially diagnosed with anxiety a few years ago now, and she hasn't really pursued any sort of treatment. It's a very sensitive topic to her and so we haven't really discussed her options. Medication is an especially taboo topic. She has a ton of hesitation about starting medication because she doesn't think the side effects and downsides are worth the potential positive aspects. - -I guess I was just hoping for some advice, personal experiences, and input about this situation. What has worked and helped, what hasn't, etc. Particularly about experiences with medication and such. - -Thank you so much for your help!",1,hello need advice input behalf wife officially diagnosed anxiety year ago really pursued sort treatment sensitive topic really discussed option medication especially taboo topic ton hesitation starting medication think side effect downside worth potential positive aspect guess hoping advice personal experience input situation worked helped etc particularly experience medication thank much help -"for awhile, i’ve been having thoughts like these. i’ve spoken to my therapist, and i can’t really say she’s said much. i’m trying to make it become a bigger topic, but these thoughts seem so weird, and i’m not sure how to deal with them. it’s really extreme stuff too, i don’t see anyone forgetting. like i will literally sit there, and be like “what if i cheated on my boyfriend, and just don’t remember it” you people reading this, probably think i’m so stupid, but it can’t just be me",1,awhile thought like spoken therapist really say said much trying make become bigger topic thought seem weird sure deal really extreme stuff see anyone forgetting like literally sit like cheated boyfriend remember people reading probably think stupid -"Does anyone do the “freeze” thing as their fight/flight/freeze reaction and how do you work through that… especially when it happens at your job? - -I sometimes sort of just malfunction and can’t speak and lose all my thoughts. I don’t even know why it happens sometimes, but it happens a lot when I make a mistake or do something wrong and then someone higher up tries to talk to me about it. It’s especially annoying and embarrassing in that situation because I sometimes also end up crying or getting teary and I want to just be able to take the blame or whatever but I end up feeling like I’m manipulating everyone into just feeling bad for me, or if I’m not crying and I can’t speak, I don’t want them to think I don’t care. - -The other day, I had that happen and the assistant director who was telling me not to do what I did noticed I was getting emotional and I could tell she didn’t know how to respond but I couldn’t SPEAK and explain myself. - -I feel so confident sometimes about certain things and I feel like I’ve gained a level of confidence over the past few years, and yet at the same time this particular experience feels like it’s getting worse? and for background, I have never been abused or in and abusive relationship, and I know this is a very common for people who have been in those scenarios so I don’t really know why I react that way. - -Sooo has anyone experienced this and maybe have some words of advice? What do you do in these situations?",1,anyone freeze thing fight flight freeze reaction work especially happens job sometimes sort malfunction speak lose thought even know happens sometimes happens lot make mistake something wrong someone higher try talk especially annoying embarrassing situation sometimes also end cry getting teary want able take blame whatever end feeling like manipulating everyone feeling bad cry speak want think care day happen assistant director telling noticed getting emotional could tell know respond speak explain feel confident sometimes certain thing feel like gained level confidence past year yet time particular experience feel like getting worse background never abused abusive relationship know common people scenario really know react way sooo anyone experienced maybe word advice situation -"I just started a new job 3 weeks ago. I work there 3 days a week for 4 hours just to pay my bills while I'm studying. So far I've been dreading every single day so much that I'm actually super nervous the day before and it seems like it's not getting better at all. - -I still feel like I know barely anything and I have to ask my coworkers about literally everything and I'm insanely anxious and uncomfortable in that work environment. I honestly don't even know why or what exactly the issue is, but I'm having a really hard time feeling ""at home"" there. If I remember correctly, my last job was completely fine after a week. - -It's funny because it's just stocking shelves at a supermarket in the morning. That's my job. And I'm anxious about it. - -So how long do you think it'll take to get comfortable? To actually not being scared as hell of going there?",1,started new job week ago work day week hour pay bill studying far dreading every single day much actually super nervous day seems like getting better still feel like know barely anything ask coworkers literally everything insanely anxious uncomfortable work environment honestly even know exactly issue really hard time feeling home remember correctly last job completely fine week funny stocking shelf supermarket morning job anxious long think take get comfortable actually scared hell going -"I’m just completely un able to let go of the past, I’m sat here thinking about last year. I remember being so much happier and stress free. But last year I had the exact same issue except I was thinking about the year prior to that. Maybe this is just a natural process of growing up I’m 17 and I guess life is just gonna get worse from here on in. Do you think the past just seems better in my head than it actually was, because I seem addicted to it atm.",1,completely un able let go past sat thinking last year remember much happier stress free last year exact issue except thinking year prior maybe natural process growing guess life gon na get worse think past seems better head actually seem addicted atm -"I just have random racing thoughts about the past, songs, etc. Mostly it’s just a constant ear worm. It’s a bit annoying but I can deal with it. But a lot of thoughts about the past have made me cry due to the nostalgia aspect of it. Not sure if this is anxiety or something else…",1,random racing thought past song etc mostly constant ear worm bit annoying deal lot thought past made cry due nostalgia aspect sure anxiety something else -"i’ve been in therapy nearly all my life and have gotten very good at using coping skills that help with the cognitive piece of my anxiety (i.e. responding to my thoughts, distraction, etc.). the part that i still have a lot of difficulty with are the physical symptoms (i.e. chest tightness). deep breathing doesn’t really work well for me. any suggestions that you all have for dealing with these symptoms?",1,therapy nearly life gotten good using coping skill help cognitive piece anxiety e responding thought distraction etc part still lot difficulty physical symptom e chest tightness deep breathing really work well suggestion dealing symptom -"I have never experience anxiety like this before, it feels like my chest is so heavy and I’m holding in a puddle of tears at all times. I can’t eat or sleep. I know the anticipation is the worst part but I just don’t know what to do with myself. My entire thought process has changed and I just feel a huge cloud of depression following me wherever I am. How do you guys cope with intense anxiety? Once I start having negative thoughts, it just spirals out of control. Someone please tell me it gets better 💔😭",1,never experience anxiety like feel like chest heavy holding puddle tear time eat sleep know anticipation worst part know entire thought process changed feel huge cloud depression following wherever guy cope intense anxiety start negative thought spiral control someone please tell get better -"I’ve had anxiety for a while now, but my worst experience with it to date happened a couple of weeks ago. I was experiencing panic attacks daily for a week, and anxiety daily for 2 weeks before that too. - -Now i’ve managed to calm my mind slightly and I don’t have the psychological symptoms anymore, but I still have some fuzzy head/light headed feelings and crazy fatigue/exhaustion where I have to lay down after going out. This happens when I’m not even necessarily feeling anxious. - -Could I still be experiencing symptoms of anxiety, but just the anxiety is subconscious and i’m feeling the physical symptoms more strongly? - -Any help/tips are welcome, thanks guys!",1,anxiety worst experience date happened couple week ago experiencing panic attack daily week anxiety daily week managed calm mind slightly psychological symptom anymore still fuzzy head light headed feeling crazy fatigue exhaustion lay going happens even necessarily feeling anxious could still experiencing symptom anxiety anxiety subconscious feeling physical symptom strongly help tip welcome thanks guy -"Happy Sunday /r/Anxiety! - -It's everyone's favorite day of the week... Sunday, the last 24 hours before Monday rears its head again. Let this thread be a space to set your intentions, share your goals and concerns, or just to check in, about the week ahead.",1,happy sunday r anxiety everyone favorite day week sunday last hour monday rear head let thread space set intention share goal concern check week ahead -"Anybody else have so much anxiety over confrontation that they block out feeling angry? I've always been terrified of confrontation and I feel like as a result I just bury all of my anger. Not only do I never speak up about it, but I also don't really allow myself to feel it. Not sure how to stop, but I feeling like it is eating away at me. I also feel like it might be causing me physical pain. It's just exhausting, as is all of anxiety.",1,anybody else much anxiety confrontation block feeling angry always terrified confrontation feel like result bury anger never speak also really allow feel sure stop feeling like eating away also feel like might causing physical pain exhausting anxiety -I’m a 17 year old girl who’s been talking to a psychologist for the last few months. I have social anxiety and she’s been helping me a lot with how to deal with intrusive thoughts and seeing different scenarios. When I started talking to her I didn’t realise that this wasn’t going to be a forever thing. During our last meeting she told me that I was doing great and trying to put myself out there by doing my “homework” (telling some really close friends I got anxiety after talking in front of the whole class and such). But then she also said that what we’re doing right now is like learning how to ride a bike and that it would soon be time to take off the training wheels. We booked sessions for about five more weeks before the session ended. She thinks I’m ready but I really don’t. I’ve been having so much anxiety about this situation because I’ve really come to depend on talking to her every week. It’s been three days and Ive been crying so much. I really want to tell her i’m not ready but then I’ll also have to tell her that I always pretend I feel better than I actually do when talking to her. There are so many things I’ve not talked about because I thought I had more time. I really don’t know what to do right know. Any help or advice would be appreciated cause this is causing me so much stress,1,year old girl talking psychologist last month social anxiety helping lot deal intrusive thought seeing different scenario started talking realise going forever thing last meeting told great trying put homework telling really close friend got anxiety talking front whole class also said right like learning ride bike would soon time take training wheel booked session five week session ended think ready really much anxiety situation really come depend talking every week three day ive cry much really want tell ready also tell always pretend feel better actually talking many thing talked thought time really know right know help advice would appreciated cause causing much stress -"It seems to cause physical symptoms too. Been having terrible health anxiety symptoms out of the blue. Terrified of my throat closing up randomly. And you’ll never guess what my anxiety is currently making me feel…throat tightness. - -Currently going through this cycle of: - -Scared of throat closing—-> fear causes sensation of tight throat - -I hate how health anxiety makes your brain convinced you’re gonna die. Recently ran to the doc thinking I had cancer. Found a weird lump in leg. It was a lymph node. If it’s not cancer it’s allergies. Or a rare autoimmune disorder. - -No therapist has yet been able to help either :( it sucks and makes it hard to live a normal life.",1,seems cause physical symptom terrible health anxiety symptom blue terrified throat closing randomly never guess anxiety currently making feel throat tightness currently going cycle scared throat closing gt fear cause sensation tight throat hate health anxiety make brain convinced gon na die recently ran doc thinking cancer found weird lump leg lymph node cancer allergy rare autoimmune disorder therapist yet able help either suck make hard live normal life -"saw doctors weeks ago they just gave me a cream, they told me to do a blood test however my anxiety was so serious I had to ditch. really scared of needles. - - now the rash is worse....i'm so scared :( i have awful thoughts & my next appointment is forever away - -scared i'll just drop dead or worse :(",1,saw doctor week ago gave cream told blood test however anxiety serious ditch really scared needle rash worse scared awful thought amp next appointment forever away scared drop dead worse -"I sleep plenty, I drink plenty of water and I eat pretty healthy. No matter what I do though, I'm exhausted and just want to nap all the time. I'm seeing my psychiatrist this Friday so hopefully I can find some answers but has anyone experienced this or have some advice? I have taken a couple of blood tests too but the results were normal. Everything was fine",1,sleep plenty drink plenty water eat pretty healthy matter though exhausted want nap time seeing psychiatrist friday hopefully find answer anyone experienced advice taken couple blood test result normal everything fine -"I believe it's a psychosomatic symptom in my arm, but what's it called when you overthink about a limb and hyperfocus on it, it feels weird. Like nothing actually wrong but it's a constant focus because you're thinking about it. It's like if you overthink about a word, it starts to sound weird. I hope that makes sense. I'm not really sure how to refocus my attention off of my left hand ""feeling"" uncoordinated when it's not, but it feels like it is. Like I'm hyper aware my left hand exists and (I KNOW that sounds so silly, but...)... any insight on how to stop this or redirect my thinking. I don't feel like being in this rut any longer.",1,believe psychosomatic symptom arm called overthink limb hyperfocus feel weird like nothing actually wrong constant focus thinking like overthink word start sound weird hope make sense really sure refocus attention left hand feeling uncoordinated feel like like hyper aware left hand exists know sound silly insight stop redirect thinking feel like rut longer -"Can't stop thinking I'm dying of...something. Anything. All the time. Petrified as usual, but I'm also too scared to go to the doctors and the whole shebang anyway. So here I am, stewing in my own juices of despair. Agonising over all the what-ifs while doing absolutely nothing about it. - -Don't you just love it? - -Ironically I feel like even if I DID manage to get myself to talk to a doctor, get an MRI and blood work and all that dramatic stuff, I still wouldn't believe them. I feel so trapped.",1,stop thinking dying something anything time petrified usual also scared go doctor whole shebang anyway stewing juice despair agonising ifs absolutely nothing love ironically feel like even manage get talk doctor get mri blood work dramatic stuff still believe feel trapped -"It’s been months know I have been having things on and off pain fatigue, dizziness anxiety nauseous headache pressure and stuffy nose, random pain in different area of the body I don’t know what to do",1,month know thing pain fatigue dizziness anxiety nauseous headache pressure stuffy nose random pain different area body know -"I've been struggling with feeling stress for the last year because of family and job issues. - -A couple nights ago, I had really bad insomnia and was up all night. I felt exhausted but couldn't sleep. All I could do was lie on my sofa. Even getting a glass of water was effort. - -Then in the morning, my chest felt tight and my thoughts got kind of jumbled and overwhelming. I couldn't sit still and I got up and paced for awhile. I had to take deep breaths. I felt sick to my stomach. - -The whole thing lasted about ten minutes but I've been really tired the last couple days. Feels like a hangover or something but I didn't drink. - -The reason I'm not sure if it's an anxiety attack is because I always heard that it felt like dying to have a anxiety attack and I didn't feel that. I felt really unwell though. - -Any advice would be appreciated, thank you",1,struggling feeling stress last year family job issue couple night ago really bad insomnia night felt exhausted sleep could lie sofa even getting glass water effort morning chest felt tight thought got kind jumbled overwhelming sit still got paced awhile take deep breath felt sick stomach whole thing lasted ten minute really tired last couple day feel like hangover something drink reason sure anxiety attack always heard felt like dying anxiety attack feel felt really unwell though advice would appreciated thank -"Hey people, - -2021 started with one huge panic attack and dissociation and all that fancy stuff for me that really messed it all up. About 5ish months ago I started going to therapy and I can leave the house, feel normal and do all the things, even stay in front of people with no issues, all that stuff. But when it's about 5pm or later I get this insane exhaustion and zoned out feel. I get sensitive, I feel like my head is full of wool and I am very sensitive to dissociating (which could result in panic moments). - -I have my ""survival kit"", inspired by people with BPD. Some stuff I can touch, some stuff to smell, including ammonia capsules for super intense moments (which I have never used before) and all that, but this is more for the acute stuff. The zoning out in the evening creeps up on me, it doesn't come 0 to 100 in a few seconds, it arrives slowly and goes away slowly and it is so annoying. I would even say that without this feeling I would be 90ish % anxiety free. That's because this feeling is the main thing that leads to anxiety in the first place (+ some topics I am sensitive to, but that's not relevant for this post). Without this massive exhaustive bursts and the zoning out I would feel what I consider to be normal. - -Mindfulness meditation can sometimes get me out of this, but this is usually sort of a training that helps me control the stuff when it's there, or for accepting it.. but I wanna know if there is something that can help me in my daily management to not even have it happen, or at least reduce it. Oh btw showering helps too and eating also reduces zoning out.. weirdly enough: since I started zoning out I am not really able to properly detect hunger. Anger and zoning out usually comes first. - -For context: I am a university student with tons of deadlines in my back, I am easily stressed but I have no other choice than powering through. I am semi successful with all that uni stuff but it works. I can run the household too, I take care of myself, I cook healthy food, I shower and working out is on the plan too but not existant rn because I have so many assignments to take care of. - - -Thanks for any help! I know this is a lot of random text but I am just looking for someone who is experiencing similiar things.",1,hey people 0 started one huge panic attack dissociation fancy stuff really messed ish month ago started going therapy leave house feel normal thing even stay front people issue stuff pm later get insane exhaustion zoned feel get sensitive feel like head full wool sensitive dissociating could result panic moment survival kit inspired people bpd stuff touch stuff smell including ammonia capsule super intense moment never used acute stuff zoning evening creep come 0 00 second arrives slowly go away slowly annoying would even say without feeling would 90ish anxiety free feeling main thing lead anxiety first place topic sensitive relevant post without massive exhaustive burst zoning would feel consider normal mindfulness meditation sometimes get usually sort training help control stuff accepting wan na know something help daily management even happen least reduce oh btw showering help eating also reduces zoning weirdly enough since started zoning really able properly detect hunger anger zoning usually come first context university student ton deadline back easily stressed choice powering semi successful uni stuff work run household take care cook healthy food shower working plan existant rn many assignment take care thanks help know lot random text looking someone experiencing similiar thing -"I’ve been taking escitalopram for a while now. It’s helped in that I can’t even remember the last time I had a panic attack. However, I have this really weird feeling. It’s like I have no strong emotions, no motivation for anything, the things that brought me joy before don’t anymore. - -Is this a symptom of something else? I don’t remember feeling like this before.",1,taking escitalopram helped even remember last time panic attack however really weird feeling like strong emotion motivation anything thing brought joy anymore symptom something else remember feeling like -It may sound strange but I’ve come to realize most of my anxiety stems from my appearance. Whenever I’m out in public I get a rush of depression because I feel like I am ugly and everyone’s judging me for it. In reality I know it’s not true because even if I was hideous nobody would care. It’s just in the moment it feels so real and unbearable.,1,may sound strange come realize anxiety stem appearance whenever public get rush depression feel like ugly everyone judging reality know true even hideous nobody would care moment feel real unbearable -I HATE myself right now because of my anxiety! I hate the anxiety and I hate that it makes me hate myself!! I hate that I didn’t ask to have anxiety! I hate that I didn’t ask to be raised in a culty religion that wired my brain to have such a narrow view of the world! I hate that I was raised in that religion by a manipulative mother so now it is difficult to believe anyone! I just freaking hate it all!! Ultimately I hate myself for hating myself because I didn’t cause this and I shouldn’t have to suffer because of how other people treated me 😞,1,hate right anxiety hate anxiety hate make hate hate ask anxiety hate ask raised culty religion wired brain narrow view world hate raised religion manipulative mother difficult believe anyone freaking hate ultimately hate hating cause suffer people treated -"Anyone else get so distracted by so much around you that you just put off everything? I’ve been taking Zoloft and literally since I’ve taken it I’ve been so unorganized. It’s hard for me to keep my room clean, I have a bunch of appointments I have to make but keep forgetting to, I have a credit card that I need to start using to build my credit but I haven’t even read on it yet or gotten it activated, i wanna travel and do all of this stuff. I’ve just been so tired I have so much to keep up with and the anxiety makes me nervous to even go to appointments. I need to go to the G.I. Doc, the breast cancer doc, the dentist, the Gyno. All of this stuff. I need help getting organized. I used to be so organized and now I feel like I’m not at all",1,anyone else get distracted much around put everything taking zoloft literally since taken unorganized hard keep room clean bunch appointment make keep forgetting credit card need start using build credit even read yet gotten activated wan na travel stuff tired much keep anxiety make nervous even go appointment need go g doc breast cancer doc dentist gyno stuff need help getting organized used organized feel like -Filler text filler tezt,1,filler text filler tezt -"What brands have worked for you guys and what brands should I avoid? And what's your preferred method to take it - gummy, vape, something different? - -How has it helped with your anxiety?",1,brand worked guy brand avoid preferred method take gummy vape something different helped anxiety -Does anyone have any advice on what to do? I'm currently having a panic attack after accidentally popping a pimple around my nose. I have severe health anxiety,1,anyone advice currently panic attack accidentally popping pimple around nose severe health anxiety -"Whatever sound I hear keeps on repeating in my head in an endless loop to the point where if I'm in a loud room like the shower or air conditioning is on i start hearing that sound that's looping in my head outside of my mind almost like it warps the real sound and converts it into the sound i hear in my mind. I am always very well aware that it's just my head and that it's just the sound repeating although my anxiety can't stop worrying about it being psychosis, anyone that can help me? I would call my psychiatrist but she doesn't work today so this is my other best option.",1,whatever sound hear keep repeating head endless loop point loud room like shower air conditioning start hearing sound looping head outside mind almost like warp real sound convert sound hear mind always well aware head sound repeating although anxiety stop worrying psychosis anyone help would call psychiatrist work today best option -"Ok so I have been anxious for about 6 years now. It’s only recently got way out of hand. I love being on my own or with my partner only. I’ve became a hermit because being in public/around people is just too much for me. -It’s got way worse for the past couple months, I can’t even cook!! -For a bit of context I have been out of work for almost 4 years now (which is probably why I’ve only got worse with little to none human interaction) I would cook clean etc while my partner worked. -Now I can’t even switch the oven on from fear that it will set the fire alarms off. -The fire alarms are so damn loud I can hear when people have burnt their food a few houses down the street!! -I think it’s the fear of people knowing it’s my house that’s making the god awful sound. -I put food in the oven the other night while my partner was at work, and once the timer was done on my phone I was so nervous to open the oven door incase the plume of steam / smoke set the alarm off. I was calling my partner, legs shaking that bad I had to sit down. - -I put food in the oven last night again, and was again scared to open the oven door. I was at one point just going to turn the oven off leaving the food in there and make toast. - -I don’t mind cooking when my partner is home, because if the alarm goes off I just run and he deals with it lol. - -I’m just looking for abit of advice on how to get over this fear? It fully takes over me. TIA. - -(I don’t like to say I have anxiety as i haven’t even been to the doctors to get diagnosed, and don’t want to offend anyone so I’ll call it being anxious for now) - -Also if this is the wrong sub to put this on, mods - please feel free to move this post elsewhere 😁",1,ok anxious year recently got way hand love partner became hermit public around people much got way worse past couple month even cook bit context work almost year probably got worse little none human interaction would cook clean etc partner worked even switch oven fear set fire alarm fire alarm damn loud hear people burnt food house street think fear people knowing house making god awful sound put food oven night partner work timer done phone nervous open oven door incase plume steam smoke set alarm calling partner leg shaking bad sit put food oven last night scared open oven door one point going turn oven leaving food make toast mind cooking partner home alarm go run deal lol looking abit advice get fear fully take tia like say anxiety even doctor get diagnosed want offend anyone call anxious also wrong sub put mod please feel free move post elsewhere -,1,nan -who have these symptoms ? i have it for months but im still anxious and scared,1,symptom month im still anxious scared -"Hi y'all. I'm currently struggling a lot to do my homework. I've been sitting at my desk for the last probably 5 hours just staring at my laptop and my textbook, and I've barely gotten anything done. And the more I think about everything I have to get done, the more anxious and overwhelmed I get, and the less I can do. And it's getting really late and I'm exhausted and just want to sleep, but I can't go to sleep until I get everything done. But I just don't feel able to do anything anymore. - -Does anyone have advice/help/suggestions?",1,hi currently struggling lot homework sitting desk last probably hour staring laptop textbook barely gotten anything done think everything get done anxious overwhelmed get le getting really late exhausted want sleep go sleep get everything done feel able anything anymore anyone advice help suggestion -"My anxiety is so through the roof it causes the whole host of problems: depression, agoraphobia, extreme cynicism, trust issues, assuming everyone hates me/that I come off as mentally incompetent/everyone looks down on me which causes extreme bitterness and resentment towards everyone I interact with, feeling inferior to everyone, constant feelings of guilt over everything, ultra self conscious, always worried that something is going to go wrong if I'm not always on high alert and never being able to relax, everything feeling really fake because I have to pick and choose what I say very carefully otherwise someone might beat the shit out of me, too nervous to look anyone in the eye, too nervous to talk to anyone, always looking nervous and keeping my head down and staring at the ground, zero self-esteem because I noticed every little thing I do wrong and mentally flagellate myself for it, feeling so hopelessly inferior I can't talk to anyone because I don't notice anyone else's mistakes ever, major anger issues, being so nervous I start crying, not knowing how to start conversations because I overthink everything I say or just assume everyone wants me to fuck off, forgetting things because I'm so nervous I try to do everything super fast so nobody gets mad at me and I'm always in a rush, always really nervous and looking over my shoulder to make sure no one's behind me, stomach issues because I'm so anxious that I vomit, getting this point where I'm so anxious that I get overwhelmed or something and I dissociate and can't understand what's going on around me. - -Everyone thinks that I have severe autism. Or that I'm retarded. I don't know, maybe I am. But I've noticed that these symptoms go away if I actually feel fucking safe. Usually I have to be in a place where there are no fucking humans (it's got nothing to do with autism, I just associate humans with danger after having the shit beaten out of me so even being in the same room with someone else puts me on high alert), no one is screaming at or threatening me, and no one is fucking watching me. Unfortunately I get lonely but people pick up on how nervous I am and they say that it makes me unlikeable. They say that I come off as creepy, shy and weird. And I can't even bring myself to talk to people because I hate people fucking looking at me after the incident. - - - Unfortunately I never feel safe anymore. I am stuck clinging to my abuser and being unable to leave them because I know if I'm out on my own I'll be destroyed by everyone who sees me. It's like I'm walking around with a giant red Target on my back that says kick me. Probably because I'm short and they know they can easily kill me if they want to in my personality is so unlikable they know that people probably thank them for killing me. - -I don't know what to do. Im really lonely but everything about me is wrong and shitty and I'm a garbage human who doesn't deserve to exist. All I've heard from God damn human since the incident is how unlikable my personality is. I'm sorry I got beaten within an inch of my life for 9 months straight and I'm fucked traumatized by it. Don't you dare call me a wimp, if it happened I bet you'd be fucked up too and you wouldn't be Mr tough guy.",1,anxiety roof cause whole host problem depression agoraphobia extreme cynicism trust issue assuming everyone hate come mentally incompetent everyone look cause extreme bitterness resentment towards everyone interact feeling inferior everyone constant feeling guilt everything ultra self conscious always worried something going go wrong always high alert never able relax everything feeling really fake pick choose say carefully otherwise someone might beat shit nervous look anyone eye nervous talk anyone always looking nervous keeping head staring ground zero self esteem noticed every little thing wrong mentally flagellate feeling hopelessly inferior talk anyone notice anyone else mistake ever major anger issue nervous start cry knowing start conversation overthink everything say assume everyone want fuck forgetting thing nervous try everything super fast nobody get mad always rush always really nervous looking shoulder make sure one behind stomach issue anxious vomit getting point anxious get overwhelmed something dissociate understand going around everyone think severe autism retarded know maybe noticed symptom go away actually feel fucking safe usually place fucking human got nothing autism associate human danger shit beaten even room someone else put high alert one screaming threatening one fucking watching unfortunately get lonely people pick nervous say make unlikeable say come creepy shy weird even bring talk people hate people fucking looking incident unfortunately never feel safe anymore stuck clinging abuser unable leave know destroyed everyone see like walking around giant red target back say kick probably short know easily kill want personality unlikable know people probably thank killing know im really lonely everything wrong shitty garbage human deserve exist heard god damn human since incident unlikable personality sorry got beaten within inch life 9 month straight fucked traumatized dare call wimp happened bet fucked mr tough guy -"Hello. I (age 21) have been feeling like I'm going crazy these past 3 months after I got my first panic attack. I been having all kinds of symptoms like not feeling my hands before the panic attack but now I been getting disoriented, feeling like im like a camera stuck in my head, looking at mirror and not feeling properly like myself. If I look to the side of me I get scared even. Yesterday night before sleeping I had a moment that my brain thought I was doing something and I actually was believing that I was doing it for split second. Been feeling like my heart is dropping a lot. My brain skips moments and this all concerns me. Is this all anxiety?",1,hello age feeling like going crazy past month got first panic attack kind symptom like feeling hand panic attack getting disoriented feeling like im like camera stuck head looking mirror feeling properly like look side get scared even yesterday night sleeping moment brain thought something actually believing split second feeling like heart dropping lot brain skip moment concern anxiety -Basically I had chest pains and headaches caused by anxiety it felt like having heart attacks lack of breathing everything the full package. it used to be 24/7 now it's a lot less like 1-2 days a week whole day. Now I am active having fun with friends having fun life but still experiencing major lack of energy like I did not sleep for days. It's very annoying constantly felling like I am about to collapse from tiredness.,1,basically chest pain headache caused anxiety felt like heart attack lack breathing everything full package used lot le like day week whole day active fun friend fun life still experiencing major lack energy like sleep day annoying constantly felling like collapse tiredness -"For the past month, I’ve been struggling with crippling anxiety that’s manifested into some terrifying physical symptoms and panic attacks. I’ve gone to the ER three times due to panic attacks causing me to believe that I was having a heart attack or pulmonary embolism. My head, GI system, and cardiovascular system have been really angry with me as of late. I’ve had zero motivation for anything. - -However, today, I managed to clean my kitchen, living room, and bedroom. I’ve vacuumed, dusted, did the dishes, did the laundry, put away things, and am going to clean my bathroom. Considering my health anxiety’s made me believe I can’t do any amount of work without dying, I think this is a success. I just needed to celebrate that. - -(FYI: I started 20mg Prozac almost three weeks ago, and I believe a lot of my symptoms are my body adjusting to that. I start therapy a week and a half from now, and I have a med check the following day.)",1,past month struggling crippling anxiety manifested terrifying physical symptom panic attack gone er three time due panic attack causing believe heart attack pulmonary embolism head gi system cardiovascular system really angry late zero motivation anything however today managed clean kitchen living room bedroom vacuumed dusted dish laundry put away thing going clean bathroom considering health anxiety made believe amount work without dying think success needed celebrate fyi started 0mg prozac almost three week ago believe lot symptom body adjusting start therapy week half med check following day -"I can only explain it as a similar feeling to when you’re drunk and your head feels heavy and you feel a bit woozy. Things aren’t moving and the room isn’t spinning. But because I have a fear or being dizzy I focus on it so much that I’ll look at something to see if it moves and then eventually it will, obviously that’s because I’m focussing so hard. - -Does anyone else suffer with anything similar? How do you counteract it?",1,explain similar feeling drunk head feel heavy feel bit woozy thing moving room spinning fear dizzy focus much look something see move eventually obviously focussing hard anyone else suffer anything similar counteract -"So at the place where I work, we had a new girl. Started off okay, work got crazy and we were under the impression she had it under control. Questions were minimal, she seemed okay. Then she was out sick and we had to take over her desk and long story short there were several things found that made her a liability and could possibly get us sued by our customers. Thankfully all things were corrected and we’re okay but now they want to fire her. It was decided that she’s out as soon as she’s ready to come back from being sick. - -I feel SO BAD and anxious about this. Which I voiced to my supervisor who happens to be my mom. I said that I didn’t feel bad she was being fired (because she deserves it for the HUGE mistakes she’s repeatedly been making) I feel bad because she’s at home having a hard time (allegedly) but thinks that she still has a job. Like if that was me I’d probably never recover 🙃 I noticed this anxiety has me wondering if my relationship is happening the same way where I’ll find out later with seemingly no warning that it’s not okay and I’m “fired”. It’s just so hard and I feel so bad but as much as I try to distance myself I can’t and I don’t know how to make this stop.",1,place work new girl started okay work got crazy impression control question minimal seemed okay sick take desk long story short several thing found made liability could possibly get u sued customer thankfully thing corrected okay want fire decided soon ready come back sick feel bad anxious voiced supervisor happens mom said feel bad fired deserves huge mistake repeatedly making feel bad home hard time allegedly think still job like probably never recover noticed anxiety wondering relationship happening way find later seemingly warning okay fired hard feel bad much try distance know make stop -I’ve been ill with sinusitis for about 5 weeks with vertigo. Anyway cut to the past 2 days I’ve been freaking out as it has been hard to breathe as it sometimes feels like I’m choking on water. But one of the scariest things was that my mouth has been a bit foamy. Could this be from dehydration or could it be from nothing serious. I really hope it’s nothing serious as I have some other mental health conditions that can cause some very scary freak outs over something small.,1,ill sinusitis week vertigo anyway cut past day freaking hard breathe sometimes feel like choking water one scariest thing mouth bit foamy could dehydration could nothing serious really hope nothing serious mental health condition cause scary freak out something small -"I've been waking up with anxiety attacks every day for the past 1-2weeks. It's been a while since my morning anxiety was this bad. I usually get anxious around people or quite randomly throughout the day - which I'm used to (I've had that since I was 15), so I can sort of handle that... More or less. - -But man, the morning anxiety has me losing my mind. I can't function for hours. I either lay in bed with racing heart &thoughts, unable to move or I'm the most fuzzy/hyperactive person on earth, running around doing random stuff just trying to get away from my thoughts and hoping it'll somehow calm me down. - -I've tried breathing exercises, meditation, stretching, taking a shower, doing stuff to distract me. Doesn't help much. I have to wait til it goes away, which takes around 3-4h for me. Another hour or two until I feel ""normal"" again. - -Does anybody have tips please? - -I just wanna be able to manage this until I can get help. The worse it gets the more scared I get that I'll fail my university classes (cause I can't get sh*t done) which in turn makes my anxiety worse. Vicious cycle.",1,waking anxiety attack every day past week since morning anxiety bad usually get anxious around people quite randomly throughout day used since sort handle le man morning anxiety losing mind function hour either lay bed racing heart amp thought unable move fuzzy hyperactive person earth running around random stuff trying get away thought hoping somehow calm tried breathing exercise meditation stretching taking shower stuff distract help much wait til go away take around h another hour two feel normal anybody tip please wan na able manage get help worse get scared get fail university class cause get sh done turn make anxiety worse vicious cycle -I just started Citalopram this month and my period is late. Could this be a symptom of starting a SSRI?,1,started citalopram month period late could symptom starting ssri -"A little over a month ago I was over at a friend's house and got to drinking pretty heavily over the night that I spent as his place. Every so often he would take the bottle away from me and temporarily and hide because he had the impression that I downing a full bottle of liquor at a dangerously fast pace. For whatever neurotic reason, the idea became supplanted in my head that he was trying to intentionally hide it away from me so he could spike the bottle with a finely powdered lead in order to cause me to ingest large amounts of a neurotoxic chemical to produce measurable brain damage. Surely this isn't likely whatsoever right? It's all I've been able to obsess and ruminate over for well over a month now. I could elaborate on a million different patterns and details and inform you of the interpersonal context between the both of us but then I feel like I'd be trying to create and extract a specific response out of people; these are the bare-bone and objective happenings of the night in mention. I've even seen a doctor about trying to get tested for possible acute lead exposure and hinted towards psychological deterioration on a quantifiable level(my intuition tells me that my saboteur had successfully managed to reduce my IQ by several points and inflict a speech impediment issue which involves a portmanteau synthesis between words in my inner dialogue). The way that it was explained to me from a team of professionals who discussed my case was that because I'm an adult, it's much harder for a single instance of lead exposure/ingestion to be absorbed or produce any perceptible effects or cross the blood-brain-barrier due to a lack of iron deficiency and binding capacity to red blood cells, ergo a test would not be necessary or productive in my case. However I can't shake the idea out of my mind, I can't dissolve it or even compartmentalize it as I navigate through the day. It's escalated to the point where it's infected every part of my conscious thinking and convinced me that I'm no longer capable of achieving any of the goals I've set for myself with my newfound profound disabilities that are only noticeable to me. Surely this is something so asinine, so comically absurd that the idea should be laughed at the point of its conception? Why can't I disentangle the idea from my head? It's put me into a state of complete inaction; I'm too paranoid to engage in any socially or mentally stimulating activity because I'm terrified that the sting of observing my cognitive deficits in real time will manifest and I won't be able to articulate myself to anyone or anything for the rest of my life. And the stuttering habit, I never had that issue before? Never have I ever possessed an affinity for transposing syllables or stating sentences in incorreclty disjointed sequence. I used to write quite frequently before this, and conversely I feel an all-consuming negation of my emotional affectivity and spontaneity; my thoughts aren't being organically generated and I feel as if I have to strain to think of anything lucid or insightful. Is it natural to feel like your thoughts have been utterly attenuated and obliterated with anxiety? Is it normal to feel as if time is accelerating itself faster than your consciousness can adapt to its progression? Is it natural to feel former parts of your identity and desires to become increasingly disfigured, obscured, and foreign to yourself? - -The aforementioned friend that I spoke of no longer talks to me, as we had a falling out with one another over a relationship that was rife with gaslighting(think of the breadcrumbing tactic some narcissists employ). Maybe that spurred the main causal effect for why I'm patternizing my memories in the way that I am. But pouring granulated lead into my liquor without me noticing or it producing any physiological effects? That's LAUGHABLE....right?",1,little month ago friend house got drinking pretty heavily night spent place every often would take bottle away temporarily hide impression downing full bottle liquor dangerously fast pace whatever neurotic reason idea became supplanted head trying intentionally hide away could spike bottle finely powdered lead order cause ingest large amount neurotoxic chemical produce measurable brain damage surely likely whatsoever right able ob ruminate well month could elaborate million different pattern detail inform interpersonal context u feel like trying create extract specific response people bare bone objective happening night mention even seen doctor trying get tested possible acute lead exposure hinted towards psychological deterioration quantifiable level intuition tell saboteur successfully managed reduce iq several point inflict speech impediment issue involves portmanteau synthesis word inner dialogue way explained team professional discussed case adult much harder single instance lead exposure ingestion absorbed produce perceptible effect cross blood brain barrier due lack iron deficiency binding capacity red blood cell ergo test would necessary productive case however shake idea mind dissolve even compartmentalize navigate day escalated point infected every part conscious thinking convinced longer capable achieving goal set newfound profound disability noticeable surely something asinine comically absurd idea laughed point conception disentangle idea head put state complete inaction paranoid engage socially mentally stimulating activity terrified sting observing cognitive deficit real time manifest able articulate anyone anything rest life stuttering habit never issue never ever possessed affinity transposing syllable stating sentence incorreclty disjointed sequence used write quite frequently conversely feel consuming negation emotional affectivity spontaneity thought organically generated feel strain think anything lucid insightful natural feel like thought utterly attenuated obliterated anxiety normal feel time accelerating faster consciousness adapt progression natural feel former part identity desire become increasingly disfigured obscured foreign aforementioned friend spoke longer talk falling one another relationship rife gaslighting think breadcrumbing tactic narcissist employ maybe spurred main causal effect patternizing memory way pouring granulated lead liquor without noticing producing physiological effect laughable right -"i really need a place to vent right now. so i kinda moved out for university (i was here for october and november, then my school closed due to corona so i was at home) and school started one week ago. i still have the opportunity to go home every weekend (its a little pricey but still affordable for me). so i am home every weekend and during the week i have my own apartment that i really really like. - -but my mental health is so bad here. i really dont understand why, because im really not far away from my home town, i have friends here and a really cute apartment and im so grateful that i can study and live here. but i feel so fucking bad. my anxiety is so bad i really cant do anything but worry all the time and i dont even know why i am worring. it makes it really hard for me to eat because i have a lot of problems with eating when im really anxious which makes me just more anxious. - -also i feel kinda bad because i am nineteen and so many people in my age can handle living alone so well. i know that i shouldnt compare myself with others but i do. i cant imagine living b my own at any age. but i know that someday i have to and that i cant live with my mom forever. idk if someone feels the same but i still feel like a kid most of the time. im not ready for being an adult. i really cant explain it to myself because i was a really independent child. and it was always important for me, being independent. i never had problems with not being home for 1-2 weeks. but now i cant even be alone for 4 days. - -i know that in this community there are people who are a little older than me and have a little more experience. did somebody felt the same way as i do now with moving out? and does it get better?",1,really need place vent right kinda moved university october november school closed due corona home school started one week ago still opportunity go home every weekend little pricey still affordable home every weekend week apartment really really like mental health bad really dont understand im really far away home town friend really cute apartment im grateful study live feel fucking bad anxiety bad really cant anything worry time dont even know worring make really hard eat lot problem eating im really anxious make anxious also feel kinda bad nineteen many people age handle living alone well know shouldnt compare others cant imagine living b age know someday cant live mom forever idk someone feel still feel like kid time im ready adult really cant explain really independent child always important independent never problem home week cant even alone day know community people little older little experience somebody felt way moving get better -"There is someone in my life I need to have a conversation with. I tell myself I really need to do this to answer the questions I keep asking myself and if it doesn’t get better then I’ll know it’s time to cut them out. I know I have to do this. It will make everything better and solve the problem. - -I got myself ready to start this conversation under the thought that as long as I’m trying to communicate it’s a win in my book. I open the chat and think about typing and I tell myself “why even bother it doesn’t matter, he doesn’t care to hear your thoughts and when you do tell him he’s not going to want to fix the problem” - -It’s so frustrating because I know what the problem is and how to fix it and I can’t. I don’t know how to take the next step🙃",1,someone life need conversation tell really need answer question keep asking get better know time cut know make everything better solve problem got ready start conversation thought long trying communicate win book open chat think typing tell even bother matter care hear thought tell going want fix problem frustrating know problem fix know take next step -"Apologies if this is confusing, I’m having an anxiety attack while writing this - -Like most people at the start of the pandemic I got sent to wfh, which eventually turned into permanent wfh. I loved it, my job doesn’t involve speaking with people unless it’s on my own time, and I’m only in charge of a handful of people and only deal with the people who need the most help. I got to sink into my own little bubble, and it’s coming back to bite me. I’ve realized my social anxiety has gotten so much worse than it ever has, I have so much fear just speaking to other people that I feel insane acting like this. Recently a promotion became available, and I don’t want to apply. I made the dumb mistake of telling my partner about the opening and he’s pressuring me to do it. I feel physically sick at the idea of doing this. Some of it is because I’m going to be judged, but a lot of it is because I will have to do more in the sense of talking to people. I can’t get away with 3 meetings a month with people I already know, it will be constant employee contact, and even meeting with people I don’t know. I’m stressed. If the pandemic had never happened, I could do it. I use to be able to flick a switch and become a whole different person at work who only had minimal anxiety. Now, because home is work I can’t feel that separation. I try to make my work in a different location within my house but it’s not easy with my house set up. I know I’m going to have to do it whether I want to or not because we need the money and the benefits, also I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if I didn’t at least try, but I’m so scared. I’m worried if I do get it that I will be having constant anxiety attacks until I’m use to the job. I just don’t know if I can mentally handle that. I’m worried if I don’t get it I will just be constantly overthinking and causing myself anxiety over not being good enough. It’s a lose lose situation for me, and there isn’t anything I can do. I just want to run away and bury my head in the sand. But I can’t, so I’ll do it knowing the consequences and hope for the best.",1,apology confusing anxiety attack writing like people start pandemic got sent wfh eventually turned permanent wfh loved job involve speaking people unless time charge handful people deal people need help got sink little bubble coming back bite realized social anxiety gotten much worse ever much fear speaking people feel insane acting like recently promotion became available want apply made dumb mistake telling partner opening pressuring feel physically sick idea going judged lot sense talking people get away meeting month people already know constant employee contact even meeting people know stressed pandemic never happened could use able flick switch become whole different person work minimal anxiety home work feel separation try make work different location within house easy house set know going whether want need money benefit also able forgive least try scared worried get constant anxiety attack use job know mentally handle worried get constantly overthinking causing anxiety good enough lose lose situation anything want run away bury head sand knowing consequence hope best -"I've tried 5 different tables from the doctors and they all have really bad side effects I also can't live with. - -I've tried talking - -I've tried working out - -I've tried meditation and breathing techniques - - -Is there anything else I can try ?",1,tried different table doctor really bad side effect also live tried talking tried working tried meditation breathing technique anything else try -"M - 25 - no underlying physical health issues known - -I started taking 10mg propranolol a few weeks ago, missing some days and on others taking 2 tablets when needed. - -They have deffo helped relieve that horrible ‘fight or flight’ feeling, however, two side effects I can’t stop thinking about which don’t seem to be mentioned in the leaflet are the odd heart palpitation, and possibly a bit of a cough… these typically occur 2-3 hours after taking the tablet. Sometimes I don’t experience these symptoms, on others they’re quite noticeable. - -I do feel really calm and relaxed after taking them and don’t want benzo’s/SSRIs, but when I experience the heart palpitations, I freak out!! also the cough is kind of worrying too, it could be a coincidence (I did have Covid 2/3 months ago). Google of course mentions loads of other possibilities which is nerving. - -Anyone else been in a similar boat? I thought beta blockers were meant to prevent heart palpitations..",1,underlying physical health issue known started taking 0mg propranolol week ago missing day others taking tablet needed deffo helped relieve horrible fight flight feeling however two side effect stop thinking seem mentioned leaflet odd heart palpitation possibly bit cough typically occur hour taking tablet sometimes experience symptom others quite noticeable feel really calm relaxed taking want benzo ssri experience heart palpitation freak also cough kind worrying could coincidence covid month ago google course mention load possibility nerving anyone else similar boat thought beta blocker meant prevent heart palpitation -"My habit is having to check on my betta fish and make sure he is doing ok before I go to sleep. I prompt him to swim up to me and flare (stick his gills out, it’s how bettas express emotions) before I can sleep.",1,habit check betta fish make sure ok go sleep prompt swim flare stick gill bettas express emotion sleep -I have these bad episodes of anxiety that last for days where I’m constantly dissociated and whenever I try to sleep I wake up almost every hour with my body completely numb and my vision is like zoomed out and everything is super disoriented and weird… I’m so tired but I can’t sleep and it keeps me up all night and I’m so exhausted I just want at least ONE good nights rest but I can’t even get that. I feel like anxiety and dissociation are constantly kicking me around and I can never catch a break in life..,1,bad episode anxiety last day constantly dissociated whenever try sleep wake almost every hour body completely numb vision like zoomed everything super disoriented weird tired sleep keep night exhausted want least one good night rest even get feel like anxiety dissociation constantly kicking around never catch break life -"I want to share something my therapist told me that really resonated and stuck with me: - -She said anxiety is like a smoke detector. It goes off whenever theres smoke to keep you safe. But a smoke detector doesn’t know the difference between a fire or burnt toast so it’s our job to identify what’s making the alarm go off and how to manage it. - -Most of the time its just burnt toast. - -Even if you panic when the alarm first rings, you soon realise its burnt toast. -Though difficult, anxiety sometimes just needs us to take a second to identify the source and put it into perspective. Is it manageable? What’s the best way for me to approach it without avoiding it? - -So yeah. Burnt toast.",1,want share something therapist told really resonated stuck said anxiety like smoke detector go whenever there smoke keep safe smoke detector know difference fire burnt toast job identify making alarm go manage time burnt toast even panic alarm first ring soon realise burnt toast though difficult anxiety sometimes need u take second identify source put perspective manageable best way approach without avoiding yeah burnt toast -"Hello, I'm having some trouble understanding my life rn. I had a event that I would consider traumatic last year and I don't feel like I haven't been the same since. I developed dissociation and depersonalization for a month, I had trouble feeling like I and everything around me was real. I have (self-diagnosed) depression and, even then, I could talk to my friends and have deep relationships with people. Now, I don't feel talking to anyone and I have a hard time reaching out to my friends. I have trouble concentrating and functioning as a student and I ignored basically all of my responsibilities for the last two months for videogames. I've had episodes where I have a lot of anger or I find it hard to breathe when I do something wrong and I've also had a hard time sleeping. I've recently gone to therapy but I don't feel like it's helping, my life feels like hell and my suicidal thoughts have been stronger.",1,hello trouble understanding life rn event would consider traumatic last year feel like since developed dissociation depersonalization month trouble feeling like everything around real self diagnosed depression even could talk friend deep relationship people feel talking anyone hard time reaching friend trouble concentrating functioning student ignored basically responsibility last two month videogames episode lot anger find hard breathe something wrong also hard time sleeping recently gone therapy feel like helping life feel like hell suicidal thought stronger -"Please help, I need to know if any of you have been on some type of medication for your anxiety and depression and if it's worth me giving it a shot? - -I've set the date and found the method of my suicide but I want to give life one last try before I pull the final curtains. One reason I didn't want to go on medication is because I've heard it just makes you worse and you become too dependent on it. - -In 2020 my GP didn't want to medicate me after telling him I'd made an attempt on my life, instead he said to try therapy first. Which I did in 2021, and whilst it was interesting and I liked my therapist, it didn't actually help me. - -Please let me know of your experiences with being medicated for your depression and anxiety. Also if you could mention the drugs they gave you, that would be great, thanks.",1,please help need know type medication anxiety depression worth giving shot set date found method suicide want give life one last try pull final curtain one reason want go medication heard make worse become dependent 0 0 gp want medicate telling made attempt life instead said try therapy first 0 whilst interesting liked therapist actually help please let know experience medicated depression anxiety also could mention drug gave would great thanks -"Hello, - -I have this issue that’s been happening more and more frequently as of late. - -Starting off back in the office I was extremely anxious, but I found that when I got there I usually always got excited and talkative for about an hour, after which I start ‘crashing’. - -It feels as like I start sinking into emptiness, I get self conscious, my selfless esteem crumbles, and I start feeling depressed. - -This happens regularly, and follows me back home. - -I don’t know what to do, or how I can mitigate this. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. - -Thank you.",1,hello issue happening frequently late starting back office extremely anxious found got usually always got excited talkative hour start crashing feel like start sinking emptiness get self conscious selfless esteem crumbles start feeling depressed happens regularly follows back home know mitigate advice would greatly appreciated thank -"I'm about to be 18, and right after that I'm going to graduate. After I graduate I'm moving back to America, back to my hometown, and away from my parents. My parents won't even be that far away, 3 hours away in another city. - -My whole life I've known nothing but to be a kid (obviously) and I can't picture myself as anything but that, I can't imagine myself as an adult and that terrifies me. - -I'm not ready to let go of being a kid, I was extremely fortunate to have a good upbringing, and this being a kid/teen thing is great! I'm not ready to grow up yet. - -I'm not ready to stop enjoying childish things, I'm not ready to stop playing childish games. - -There are parts of being an adult I'm excited for of course, but I hate that I have to stop being a kid. I'm not ready to move on from that part of my life. - -Sometimes I'm scared that maybe I didn't enjoy being a kid enough, since I moved to a new country I dont have many friends here, I never got up to ""typical highschool shenanigans"" with anyone. But I see my close friends back in America getting to live a very normal highschool life and I feel like I've missed everything. - -Being the oldest of my siblings (sometimes a third parent) I feel like I didn't get to be a kid all the time, and that's more time wasted. - -Growing up you're constantly told ""enjoy being young while it lasts!"" ""You're gonna regret wishing you were older"" ""never grow up."" And that's all actually really terrifying to say to a kid haha. - -I guess to conclude, I'm afraid I haven't enjoyed being a kid enough, and now I'm not ready to be an adult.",1,right going graduate graduate moving back america back hometown away parent parent even far away hour away another city whole life known nothing kid obviously picture anything imagine adult terrifies ready let go kid extremely fortunate good upbringing kid teen thing great ready grow yet ready stop enjoying childish thing ready stop playing childish game part adult excited course hate stop kid ready move part life sometimes scared maybe enjoy kid enough since moved new country dont many friend never got typical highschool shenanigan anyone see close friend back america getting live normal highschool life feel like missed everything oldest sibling sometimes third parent feel like get kid time time wasted growing constantly told enjoy young last gon na regret wishing older never grow actually really terrifying say kid haha guess conclude afraid enjoyed kid enough ready adult -"Hey, friends. I come asking questions about workplace anxiety. I’m 19, and work retail. I realize that this is a job with low stakes and that whatever fears I have about making mistakes are rather silly given the nature of the job. However, I’ve worked myself up because I worked an event this evening and in my eyes, it was just a series of unfortunate events. - -First, I show up early but still later than my coworker who I was working with for the event. He was talking to our boss. -Second, I was underdressed. He looked so sharp. Granted I am 19 and he is almost a full decade older than me with the life experience to really comprehend dress code (it was rather unspecified and unclear so I’m trying not to beat myself up too much about it) I ran home SUPER quickly and grabbed some nicer shoes and a jacket but it still wasn’t great. -Third, my boss gave us her number to text or to call if we needed any help. I texted her first, and then she asked if I would call her because she was on the road. Makes sense, but I feel I made a mistake texting her in the first place. -Fourth, fifth, sixth and so on, I worry that throughout the entire evening, I wad screwing up and ended up losing the store a ton of money. I’m so upset about everything that happened and being liked by my boss that I was crying and now I can’t sleep. - -Please oh please I BEG OF Y’ALL: how do I get over this? It’s making my days really difficult and I don’t want this to follow me into the future when/if I have a job much more demanding and serious if I mess up. It’s eating me up and I can’t take it. - -Thanks 😊",1,hey friend come asking question workplace anxiety 9 work retail realize job low stake whatever fear making mistake rather silly given nature job however worked worked event evening eye series unfortunate event first show early still later coworker working event talking bos second underdressed looked sharp granted 9 almost full decade older life experience really comprehend dress code rather unspecified unclear trying beat much ran home super quickly grabbed nicer shoe jacket still great third bos gave u number text call needed help texted first asked would call road make sense feel made mistake texting first place fourth fifth sixth worry throughout entire evening wad screwing ended losing store ton money upset everything happened liked bos cry sleep please oh please beg get making day really difficult want follow future job much demanding serious mess eating take thanks -"Weird phrasing for clarity/post not being taken down: - -Seriously, how do I cope? There's a lot of triggers caused by individuals everywhere, including media and online, by the misinformation they spread. It's gaslighting to constantly see and hear fake information that contradicts my experiences as a survivor - How do I cope with this? I know if anything falls through, I will receive false promises of aid to waste my time, I know I will be told I'm seeking attention, I know I will be told that I'm the abuser. - -How do I cope with this as a survivor? - -I will be posting this wherever I can because I guess some subreddits do not help with this for some reason?",1,weird phrasing clarity post taken seriously cope lot trigger caused individual everywhere including medium online misinformation spread gaslighting constantly see hear fake information contradicts experience survivor cope know anything fall receive false promise aid waste time know told seeking attention know told abuser cope survivor posting wherever guess subreddits help reason -"For the last year or so I have suffered with extreme tiredness an shortness of breath. I’ve been to hospital and had every test going and found nothing. It also does not affect my cardio I go to the gym regularly. If anything this helps it. - -However when I am resting I literally feel like I’m about to pass out. I then try to breath more and hyperventilate. I have control of this now and use an oximeter to reassure myself but it’s incredibly tiring feeling like this 24/7 - -Drinking also helps it (not a good way to cope I know) - -Obviously I’m taking all medical precautions but if anyone has experienced similar it would be reassuring - -Thankyou for taking your time to read this",1,last year suffered extreme tiredness shortness breath hospital every test going found nothing also affect cardio go gym regularly anything help however resting literally feel like pas try breath hyperventilate control use oximeter reassure incredibly tiring feeling like drinking also help good way cope know obviously taking medical precaution anyone experienced similar would reassuring thankyou taking time read -"I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression since I was a teenager, I’m 23 now. So, it’s been about 10-12 years of dealing with my silly little brain. - -I first started taking Zoloft back in maybe 2015? Maybe before then, but I took the pill for several years. Last September, I started noticing an increase of suicidal thoughts. This can happen with SSRIs I believe, I think the Zoloft just stopped working for my brain and body, so I stopped. Cold turkey. I didn’t have any major issues, please don’t comment the risks- I know what they are and I’m doing okay now. - -For a few months, I was fine. I could FEEL my feelings again, feel my emotions. And it was kinda nice? I felt almost… free? - -But after awhile, I think all of the Zoloft build up left my body (sounds weird, but hear me out) and I started feeling as bad as I did when I was a teen. Health anxiety, ER trips, panic attacks daily… - -So, even though I do badly wanted to try to make it without medication, I couldn’t do it. AND THAT IS OKAY. For about ~3 months, I’ve been on Lexapro! And it’s been helping the anxiety. - -Here’s the revelation I had… so, I have only been on one other SSRI in my life so I never realized this, but holy fuck I finally understand what people mean when they say that medication almost completely numbs your emotions… I can’t remember the last time I cried, and I usually cry a lot as an emotional person. I feel very… neutral? I don’t feel NOTHING, but I don’t feel the way I did unmedicated… - -I think there will always be pros and cons to medication, but damn. I finally, after a decade, understand what this medication does. It helps, but it also kinda turns you into an emotionless machine. - -Weird.",1,struggled anxiety depression since teenager 0 year dealing silly little brain first started taking zoloft back maybe 0 maybe took pill several year last september started noticing increase suicidal thought happen ssri believe think zoloft stopped working brain body stopped cold turkey major issue please comment risk know okay month fine could feel feeling feel emotion kinda nice felt almost free awhile think zoloft build left body sound weird hear started feeling bad teen health anxiety er trip panic attack daily even though badly wanted try make without medication okay month lexapro helping anxiety revelation one ssri life never realized holy fuck finally understand people mean say medication almost completely numbs emotion remember last time cried usually cry lot emotional person feel neutral feel nothing feel way unmedicated think always pro con medication damn finally decade understand medication help also kinda turn emotionless machine weird -"It's 4:09 am rn, and it doesn't surprise me because I am used to this. I have trouble sleeping because I always think about shit that has gone wrong in my life and that is A LOT. I want to socialize, have friends, be funny(I used to be when I was back home with my friends. I am learning in the US now) but I always feel mute. Like I want to speak but I can't because I have a stomach feeling that shit is gonna go wrong so I just fake laugh and smile and it gets awkward really fast and it becomes added to one of the things that keep me up at night. I also do weird stuff like smile weirdly, curse under my breath, or shake my hand or smth weird like that to distract from sudden flashes of memories I have throughout my day. And when I tell u it happens EVERY DAMN DAY, EVERY DAMN MINUTE OR TWO i am not distracting myself in....oh myyyy. I just live everyday not wanting to wakeup + wanting to die. If course, people around me don't know that. I am just weirdly quiet to them. Anyway...thoughts?do I have anxiety?",1,09 rn surprise used trouble sleeping always think shit gone wrong life lot want socialize friend funny used back home friend learning u always feel mute like want speak stomach feeling shit gon na go wrong fake laugh smile get awkward really fast becomes added one thing keep night also weird stuff like smile weirdly curse breath shake hand smth weird like distract sudden flash memory throughout day tell u happens every damn day every damn minute two distracting oh myyyy live everyday wanting wakeup wanting die course people around know weirdly quiet anyway thought anxiety -"I'm 22 years old. I don't really want to get into it much so I'll just say that life is not good and hasn't really ever been that good and lately it feels like I've finally been pushed over the edge a bit. - -I look like I've aged 5 years in 1, and my nerves are going crazy. I feel so stressed out that I can feel my face getting hot and my hands shake whenever something raises my stress above the baseline even a little. I never feel like I can relax anymore and I have a hard time talking to people. This doesn't feel sudden, it feels more like something that's been gradually getting worse for years, but I used to be very composed and social. - -I want to get help for this but I'm honestly clueless. I don't even know if I have anxiety or if it's something else. I don't have a family doctor either. I'm just not sure what to expect. I'm open to medicine if it works. - -How did everyone here begin to get help, and what was it that helped you?",1,year old really want get much say life good really ever good lately feel like finally pushed edge bit look like aged year nerve going crazy feel stressed feel face getting hot hand shake whenever something raise stress baseline even little never feel like relax anymore hard time talking people feel sudden feel like something gradually getting worse year used composed social want get help honestly clueless even know anxiety something else family doctor either sure expect open medicine work everyone begin get help helped -"Before taking Sertraline, I had many problems. For instance, I was not even able to talk on the phone in front of my mom and my brother. It was very tough to make a phone call because my heart would start beating very fast. Also, if I saw someone I did not like, my heart would beat out of my mouth. At the supermarket, while paying at the counter, my heart would beat fast and I was thinking everybody is staring at me and judging me. - -But for four months I take Sertraline and most of my problems are solved. I feel like I am moving in the right direction. I even cracked interviews for my internship and finally got one. Before Sertraline, even thinking about an Interview would trigger a load of anxiety. Now, overall, my anxiety has reduced from 10 to 3 or 4 which is a significant improvement. - -But one thing which is still bothering me is the feeling that everybody is staring at me. When I eat at a restaurant, for instance, I feel like the person sitting at the front table is staring at me when I eat. Currently, I am on a dose of 75 mg Sertraline. - -To those who are on Sertraline, did you ever lose this feeling of other people judging you or are looking at you? if yes, which dose are you at? I appreciate your help!",1,taking sertraline many problem instance even able talk phone front mom brother tough make phone call heart would start beating fast also saw someone like heart would beat mouth supermarket paying counter heart would beat fast thinking everybody staring judging four month take sertraline problem solved feel like moving right direction even cracked interview internship finally got one sertraline even thinking interview would trigger load anxiety overall anxiety reduced 0 significant improvement one thing still bothering feeling everybody staring eat restaurant instance feel like person sitting front table staring eat currently dose mg sertraline sertraline ever lose feeling people judging looking yes dose appreciate help -"It’s something I feel multiple times a day. I get even more anxious when I don’t get replies or when someone leaves and drives some place else. - -I always have to check my parents’ CCTV camera (they gave me access to it). I can’t help but think something bad might happen. I’ve been like this since I was a child. My first memory of this fear was when I was around 6 or 7 years old and my grandparents drove to a place I considered far. I was so worried I had to ask my mom if they’ll be safe. - -Do you experience the same thing? How’s it like for you? How did you get over it if you ever did?",1,something feel multiple time day get even anxious get reply someone leaf drive place else always check parent cctv camera gave access help think something bad might happen like since child first memory fear around year old grandparent drove place considered far worried ask mom safe experience thing like get ever -"Okay I am on the line of alcoholism and it’s tickling my nerves a bunch knowing that I crave a drink, and I feel the need to turn to alcohol to make myself seem whole. Here’s my little run down. Im battling with depression, a little suicidal, anxiety, and we a little lonely 🙃 (that’s why Im on Reddit). Im sick of feeling like shit everyday, all the insane irrational thoughts that go through my head. Once Im on a certain bothering thought, I get stuck on it for a while till I cave to drink. So my idea to combat it is to start organizing my life more. Financially, at home, my priorities, my hobbies. All in all. Im aware that the whole you have to learn to love yourself theme is a big thing for people like me. But at the moment I am just thinking of distracting myself with work, school, hobbies, people. What if it’s not enough? My thoughts may start traveling again when I am doing those things. How do I combat those thoughts? It’s like I go in circles with question to an answer then question after answer. It’s mentally exhausting, and it physically hurts at times. I want to learn how to fight internal. How does one do that?",1,okay line alcoholism tickling nerve bunch knowing crave drink feel need turn alcohol make seem whole little run im battling depression little suicidal anxiety little lonely im reddit im sick feeling like shit everyday insane irrational thought go head im certain bothering thought get stuck till cave drink idea combat start organizing life financially home priority hobby im aware whole learn love theme big thing people like moment thinking distracting work school hobby people enough thought may start traveling thing combat thought like go circle question answer question answer mentally exhausting physically hurt time want learn fight internal one -"Can someone please help me, i’ve been having anxiety for the past few weeks but now i have been waking up in the middle of the night with my heart racing, is their anyway to stop this? please i need help",1,someone please help anxiety past week waking middle night heart racing anyway stop please need help -Im fucking tired of my anxiety its been with me for 6 years and im tired of it. I have to struggle with it every day. Now i know everything about anxiety i know that it passes and everything will be okay but man every fuckin day i suffer from it. I never had this symptom till recently last month my anxiety is starting to get worse again sometimes when i look at peoples eyes i get bad anxiety. Im not antisocial. Im not scared to talk to people. But why i get anxiety randomly when i look at peoples eyes.,1,im fucking tired anxiety year im tired struggle every day know everything anxiety know pass everything okay man every fuckin day suffer never symptom till recently last month anxiety starting get worse sometimes look people eye get bad anxiety im antisocial im scared talk people get anxiety randomly look people eye -Since last night my stomach was bloated and when I went to sleep my stomach felt queasy and I was nauseous. Today my stomach still doesn’t feel good and am still nauseous and it’s hard to eat food. Not sure what this is. Is it a stomach flu? Anxiety?,1,since last night stomach bloated went sleep stomach felt queasy nauseous today stomach still feel good still nauseous hard eat food sure stomach flu anxiety -"I quit my job recently and need to get a new one because I'm running out of savings. I live in a foreign country so there aren't many options. I've been to some interviews but I ended up not taking the jobs because I was too anxious. I looked for part time work but almost all of the jobs were shady in some way, like not deducting taxes etc and although most people don't care about it im too scared to break any rules so I couldn't take the easy part time jobs. I'm so tired of my anxiety stopping me from working.",1,quit job recently need get new one running saving live foreign country many option interview ended taking job anxious looked part time work almost job shady way like deducting tax etc although people care im scared break rule take easy part time job tired anxiety stopping working -"Hi, I have been having anxiety for a while now and its crippling my life, i have tried yoga, meditation, supplements, walking, CBD and still nothing has helped. I am wondering if I should try a medicine but I am afraid its going to take me further away from myself and change my personality and I wont ever feel like myself again... can anyone share their experiences? thank you so much.",1,hi anxiety crippling life tried yoga meditation supplement walking cbd still nothing helped wondering try medicine afraid going take away change personality wont ever feel like anyone share experience thank much -"I suffer from symptoms such as chest tightness and shortness of breath, as well as acid reflux which I have been told is all from anxiety. I started noticing a vibrating feeling in my chest and back sometimes when I breathe while lying down, is this something serious? - -I don't smoke or do any drugs btw, 20yr old male",1,suffer symptom chest tightness shortness breath well acid reflux told anxiety started noticing vibrating feeling chest back sometimes breathe lying something serious smoke drug btw 0yr old male -"There are a million things to stress about right now and a million and one if you count my studies. I need to be good enough at art to get into college by january next year (I'm pretty confident I'll get in if I keep going), but I can't focus at all and instead think of everything going on in my life. I can't afford therapy or counselling, meditation does nothing, medication doesn't work with this, mindfulness, breaks, music, podcasts, and the like are already being exercised. Thank you in advance.",1,million thing stress right million one count study need good enough art get college january next year pretty confident get keep going focus instead think everything going life afford therapy counselling meditation nothing medication work mindfulness break music podcasts like already exercised thank advance -,1,nan -"I work as a consultant, I’m good at what I do, and have been working at a great company for a while now. - -I’ve worked on numerous projects, with multiple clients, and have worked at the client side a couple of times (as most consultants usually do). - -Every time I come back to the company office, or go to a new client’s side, I get showered with overwhelming anxiety and stress. - -I stress for weeks leading up to it, but once I get there I’m the life of the place, but only for about an hour or two, after which I genuinely feel depressed (social battery?). - -It’s the change of people and scenery, too many new and old faces, too many thoughts they could be thinking of me, or not thinking of me. - -This happens every time without fail, until I get used to a place, which by that point I would have to move to another place (client/office). - -How do you cope with such feelings? Do you ever get them? Do you have any techniques or tips that might help. - -Thank you.",1,work consultant good working great company worked numerous project multiple client worked client side couple time consultant usually every time come back company office go new client side get showered overwhelming anxiety stress stress week leading get life place hour two genuinely feel depressed social battery change people scenery many new old face many thought could thinking thinking happens every time without fail get used place point would move another place client office cope feeling ever get technique tip might help thank -"I don't know if this is the right place to write this but - -before quarantine (-2019) I just thought I was an introvert, and just, a very organized and methodic person. But then on quarantine I started to realize that I seem to get a lot more anxious than most people, and always keep thinking about stuff that happened a second ago, always think about what someone's thinking about me, if I did or said something wrong, always think about everything that can go wrong everywhere I go (memorizing the menu a week before, etc). And I thought the problem for a big part of the anxiety was: online classes and being stuck at home with my parents 24/7 (they're nice tho). So when I finally got to go do an exchange semester abroad, I get to be outside all the time, I meet new people> the freaking anxiety is still here. And that makes me think that nothing is gonna make it go away, but I NEED IT to go away. Cause I feel like I am an introvert, but I make one wrong move, I just go from quiet introvert to weird and lose all the people I met. I MEAN, met? that's really the right word because I just can't seem to do the right thing, I don't know, some of my roommates that got here the same week as me go out every night with friends and I'm just stuck at the same ""awkward convo"" phase, and it's not like that ""I scared to talk to people"" or ""I don't like talking to people"", I DO!! It's just, when I come back home I start to rethink EVERY single word that I said and blame myself for the smalled little mistake. I'm just, really lost, sometimes I think what I do/how I think is normal, but then it doesn't, I didn't even know what anxiety was until a year or so ago so",1,know right place write quarantine 0 9 thought introvert organized methodic person quarantine started realize seem get lot anxious people always keep thinking stuff happened second ago always think someone thinking said something wrong always think everything go wrong everywhere go memorizing menu week etc thought problem big part anxiety online class stuck home parent nice tho finally got go exchange semester abroad get outside time meet new people gt freaking anxiety still make think nothing gon na make go away need go away cause feel like introvert make one wrong move go quiet introvert weird lose people met mean met really right word seem right thing know roommate got week go every night friend stuck awkward convo phase like scared talk people like talking people come back home start rethink every single word said blame smalled little mistake really lost sometimes think think normal even know anxiety year ago -"So I recently started my first customer service job, and was doing well until it came to order taking (I was making orders before). At the register inside, I’m not great, but okay. But the register at the drive through? I seem to have worse anxiety while talking with people I don’t know and can’t see for some reason. - -And on top of that, everything that happens at the drive through is broadcasted to anyone wearing a headset. - -And on top of that, my medication was screwing me up any time I missed even one dose (I was waning off but having trouble with the final drop off) and I was on the verge of a breakdown all day and the drive through was what pushed it too far and I had to leave early to get my medication. My medications still aren’t stable and I’m having a very anxious episode that’s been happening since I started getting off the medication (far worse than it was before). - -How have you managed to cope with this anxiety and perform necessary work interactions with strangers repeatedly?",1,recently started first customer service job well came order taking making order register inside great okay register drive seem worse anxiety talking people know see reason top everything happens drive broadcasted anyone wearing headset top medication screwing time missed even one dose waning trouble final drop verge breakdown day drive pushed far leave early get medication medication still stable anxious episode happening since started getting medication far worse managed cope anxiety perform necessary work interaction stranger repeatedly -Just weird and pretty sure I’m sane lol,1,weird pretty sure sane lol -"Im 18 and Ive had plantar warts for almost 3 years and im worried that in my carelessness i might spread them to my dick in the shower. I know that almost all of the strains that cause plantars are not ones that infect the genitals but type 66 is one that both diseases share. Doom acrolling or something but im freaking out a bit. Reading about the treatments for those warts and how they can fuck up my dick, Reading about the risks if i dont take the treatment, getting more depressed and angry at myself for not treating this issue sooner.",1,im ive plantar wart almost year im worried carelessness might spread dick shower know almost strain cause plantars one infect genitals type one disease share doom acrolling something im freaking bit reading treatment wart fuck dick reading risk dont take treatment getting depressed angry treating issue sooner -"First i god a really bad case of covid and couldn’t move or anything that lasted for 10 days. Then i got a surprise birthday party thrown at me by my best friends and family, when i got home my best friend Cheene my cat was laying there gasping for air and dies as soon as he was put on the table for the vet to examine him he was my best friend. So a few days goes by and i got a heart attack and an infection in the heart and the bag that surrounds the heart. Now i got heart . I am 26 years old.I newer though my anxiety could get any higher. Just venting .currently lying in the hospital bed",1,first god really bad case covid move anything lasted 0 day got surprise birthday party thrown best friend family got home best friend cheene cat laying gasping air dy soon put table vet examine best friend day go got heart attack infection heart bag surround heart got heart year old newer though anxiety could get higher venting currently lying hospital bed -"My adhd makes it impossible to stop thinking about what’s giving me anxiety. I try to breath, focus my mind off things but instantly it comes right back cause I can’t control my mind. Most of the time I’m not even thinking about anything that is anxiety inducing but in the back of my mind something is happening that won’t let it stop. Anyone have experience with anxiety and adhd?",1,adhd make impossible stop thinking giving anxiety try breath focus mind thing instantly come right back cause control mind time even thinking anything anxiety inducing back mind something happening let stop anyone experience anxiety adhd -"Has someone ever found their anxiety and depression to be directly related to some vitamin deficiency? - -I was thinking about what I could actually fix from my side without having to go see a psychologist etc and I realized that I’m missing, iron, folic acid, magnesium, d and b12. It’s been years but I cannot take some of them because they severely hurt my stomach. I was think about having injections done by a naturopathic doctor. - -Has anyone ever tried it? -If yes, did it help?",1,someone ever found anxiety depression directly related vitamin deficiency thinking could actually fix side without go see psychologist etc realized missing iron folic acid magnesium b year take severely hurt stomach think injection done naturopathic doctor anyone ever tried yes help -"Should I ask my parents for a therapy session? I'm scared to ask my parents for therapy and I come seeking opinions on what I should do. I'm 15 y/o and these feelings have been killing me. I'm sure changes in hormones have a part in this but I have been dealing with feelings of poor self-worth since I was 6. I begin slightly shaking, clinging, and breathing heavily with excessive worry and fear almost daily now but I'm worried my parents will say ""average teenage feelings"" and leave it at that. I also don't want to waste money on something that might be just a phase and so I'm asking for thoughts on this matter. - -Now for a little backstory. My writing may be a little messy so I apologize in advance. Thinking back, I've had ""symptoms"" of anxiety for a while now. I was yelled at a lot as a child for very trivial matters and still to this day ill get hour-long lectures for things that arent that big of a deal. After a specific scolding when I was around 6, I believe that kickstarted things. I started playing what I saw and heard in my mind over and over again until I got night terrors. For some reason, I can still recall this moment, and it still scares me. I became afraid of a certain speed (like m.p.h). A strange thing to be afraid of I know, don't know if this is just some sort of trauma-type thing or what but it was always weird to me. I start sweating and shaking whenever I think about anything with that specific speed and I don't know what that means. Anyways, fast forward to early 2019 and my grandma passed away. She was the only one I truly felt attached to and trusted (I have trust issues, don't know why). So her passing hit me hard. A year later (when COVID started) my dad cheated with my best friend's mom ending in a lot of self-confidence issues and when my trust issues began showing. My parents are still together they just argued and eventually got it worked out. Since I don't want everything to go downhill again, I just bottled up everything and hid what I felt. - -Now to the present day. This is why I find it so difficult to ask for a therapist. I'm afraid that my parents will just brush it off or be disappointed and think they did something wrong. This hopefully doesn't give the wrong idea about my parents. I believe they tried their best and to be honest, didn't do a horrible job. There were still good times I remember and they've done a lot for me. Unfortunately, I can't truly say ""I love you back"" without my parents telling me and that hurts. I know people have it much worse than me and that's another reason that's holding me back from asking. Either way, I'm still heavily considering therapy, and why I'm asking you. Is it just a phase? Will, I benefit from a professional? Am I being petty and should just deal with it? I'm not looking for a diagnosis but would love some thoughts on the matter and will try my best to answer any questions if any. Thanks! - - -P.S. I hope this wasn't too long, I tried to cram as much information as possible without it being accessive. Apologies for any grammar mistakes.",1,ask parent therapy session scared ask parent therapy come seeking opinion feeling killing sure change hormone part dealing feeling poor self worth since begin slightly shaking clinging breathing heavily excessive worry fear almost daily worried parent say average teenage feeling leave also want waste money something might phase asking thought matter little backstory writing may little messy apologize advance thinking back symptom anxiety yelled lot child trivial matter still day ill get hour long lecture thing arent big deal specific scolding around believe kickstarted thing started playing saw heard mind got night terror reason still recall moment still scare became afraid certain speed like p h strange thing afraid know know sort trauma type thing always weird start sweating shaking whenever think anything specific speed know mean anyways fast forward early 0 9 grandma passed away one truly felt attached trusted trust issue know passing hit hard year later covid started dad cheated best friend mom ending lot self confidence issue trust issue began showing parent still together argued eventually got worked since want everything go downhill bottled everything hid felt present day find difficult ask therapist afraid parent brush disappointed think something wrong hopefully give wrong idea parent believe tried best honest horrible job still good time remember done lot unfortunately truly say love back without parent telling hurt know people much worse another reason holding back asking either way still heavily considering therapy asking phase benefit professional petty deal looking diagnosis would love thought matter try best answer question thanks p hope long tried cram much information possible without accessive apology grammar mistake -,1,nan -"Hi, - -I \[22M\] haven't had many female friends growing up. Now that I'm in University, and I'm a part of a couple different clubs/societies we occasionally all go out and eat together. - -I've quickly realised that I've been very anxious when eating food on a table with other women there (particularly the ones I'm meeting for the first time, or the ones I want to leave an impression on). - -I have a bit of a short beard, and one of my fears is that food will drip down and get stuck in my beard. And those women will notice it before I can clean it. Or it might just get stuck, and they'll silently judge me for it, and not tell me it's there. - -I've become great at conversations overtime (from previously being very introverted and shy), but ASAP food is served and everyone starts eating, I switch from being that casual-fun guy to a 'scared and shy' introvert who keeps wiping his face after every bite of food he gulps down. - -P.S Interestingly, my fear isin't there when I'm with guys or if I'm with women I'm already close to. - -Would love to hear you guys' opinion on how to tackle it, and if you guys have faced any similar fears. - -xx",1,hi many female friend growing university part couple different club society occasionally go eat together quickly realised anxious eating food table woman particularly one meeting first time one want leave impression bit short beard one fear food drip get stuck beard woman notice clean might get stuck silently judge tell become great conversation overtime previously introverted shy asap food served everyone start eating switch casual fun guy scared shy introvert keep wiping face every bite food gulp p interestingly fear isin guy woman already close would love hear guy opinion tackle guy faced similar fear xx -"They can get so unbelievably scary I do everything I can to avoid it happening, because people give me 0 sympathy about it. Sometimes I start shaking, breathing heavily, heart thumping HARD, and a raging headache. People have made fun of me for when I shake. I genuinely believe I will have a heart attack or honestly it’s going to be in public where no one has sympathy for me, and they will be moreso threatened of me, and they will take me out. I just KNOW it’s coming",1,get unbelievably scary everything avoid happening people give 0 sympathy sometimes start shaking breathing heavily heart thumping hard raging headache people made fun shake genuinely believe heart attack honestly going public one sympathy moreso threatened take know coming -"I'm on sertraline for anxiety, while it has lowered it it has increased background anxiety even when I'm going nothing. - -It sucks and it has caused me to have a floppy noodle (male) when having sex which sucks even more for me and her.",1,sertraline anxiety lowered increased background anxiety even going nothing suck caused floppy noodle male sex suck even -"There's this guy that I like and I know he likes me. I've never had a boyfriend before, and I've never had my first kiss. So sex is a big step for me. - -However, he had a girlfriend of five years. They were high school sweethearts. They broke up two years ago because she left him for another girl. She's pansexual. He knew that she was pansexual, but still, she left him. They probably had lots of sex. If they didn't have sex, I'd be extremely surprised. I just feel so insecure that I'm such a novice. I'm not going to be good at it, and I feel bad that he is going to have to teach me so much stuff.",1,guy like know like never boyfriend never first kiss sex big step however girlfriend five year high school sweetheart broke two year ago left another girl pansexual knew pansexual still left probably lot sex sex extremely surprised feel insecure novice going good feel bad going teach much stuff -"I really just need advice right now. It’s current 4 am where I live and I’ve yet to sleep. - -I suffer from Emetophobia (the fear of throwing up if anyone needs context). - -My anxiety, usually at night, comes forth. It always wakes me up. But I wake up with panic attacks because I feel nauseous. Similarly, like tonight, I’m losing sleep because I feel nauseous. Despite me being so exhausted I’m scared to sleep. - -My stomach doesn’t roll if I try to drink or eat something. It doesn’t go away. I’m on meds too. I just want some advice…I’m tired of losing sleep and worrying people because of physical anxiety and a phobia.. - -(For more context, I could eat a spoonful of something and it didn’t make my stomach roll at all. It sat fine there. Yet I feel nauseous and have slight pain. Right now it feels as if I’m hungry but my anxiety is making me avoid that. I don’t know what to do. I’m very afraid right now..)",1,really need advice right current live yet sleep suffer emetophobia fear throwing anyone need context anxiety usually night come forth always wake wake panic attack feel nauseous similarly like tonight losing sleep feel nauseous despite exhausted scared sleep stomach roll try drink eat something go away med want advice tired losing sleep worrying people physical anxiety phobia context could eat spoonful something make stomach roll sat fine yet feel nauseous slight pain right feel hungry anxiety making avoid know afraid right -"Some days I just have tiny panic attacks for no reason. -Is that common? -Also I have very high social anxiety, so it's very frickin hard to make friends and trust when your constantly thinking ""oh there talking about me"" when there not. Or when I want to really to them but I can't because there's like this thing holding me back. And I get stressed just for being by people. I have no friends. And to top it all off I suffer from depression and suicidal thoughts.",1,day tiny panic attack reason common also high social anxiety frickin hard make friend trust constantly thinking oh talking want really like thing holding back get stressed people friend top suffer depression suicidal thought -"Recently I started dealing with a lot of stress which has turned into me feeling panicked off and on throughout the day. During my times of feeling panic, I get this trouble with my breathing which feels incredibly terrible. It is scary when it happens because it feels like I'm breathless and like my breathing pattern messes up. I was wondering, has this happened to anyone else? If so, is it okay if I could ask a few questions about it? I'd love to have some insight or more information on this situation.",1,recently started dealing lot stress turned feeling panicked throughout day time feeling panic get trouble breathing feel incredibly terrible scary happens feel like breathless like breathing pattern mess wondering happened anyone else okay could ask question love insight information situation -"I'm 22M and I have been single my whole life because my anxiety around girls. As a young kid up till now i have always had this anxiety towards girls I like and this fear has stopped me from pursuing girls. Also, i get anxious in crowds or parties which i try to avoid at all cost. When i go any place where there are a lot of girls, like the gym I get really anxious if cute girls are around me. I always hope none of them talk to me because I will get anxious and it may show. It always feels like I'm battling myself to look normal and not anxious. To minimize my anxiety I avoid eye contact with any girls. I would say I'm a handsome guy and I have been told that all my life by several people. I'm also confident in myself for the most part i think but despite that I still have this anxiety towards girls. And the thing is I know the way to cure this is to start talking to girls but the fear is too much for me. It has got to the point were I'm starting to accept that I may be single for the rest of my life. - -Another thing is my parents always ask me if I'm gay, they always say how am I handsome and don't get girls? I always tell them its because I have anxiety but they still don't understand this. - -Just needed to vent, thanks for reading",1,single whole life anxiety around girl young kid till always anxiety towards girl like fear stopped pursuing girl also get anxious crowd party try avoid cost go place lot girl like gym get really anxious cute girl around always hope none talk get anxious may show always feel like battling look normal anxious minimize anxiety avoid eye contact girl would say handsome guy told life several people also confident part think despite still anxiety towards girl thing know way cure start talking girl fear much got point starting accept may single rest life another thing parent always ask gay always say handsome get girl always tell anxiety still understand needed vent thanks reading -"So ive been masturbating for a few years and i started saving videos/photos to my phone so its easier to get to. I always keep them in the hidden section of my phone. Last night I forgot to hide them and I woke up and found them in the recently deleted section and other app I think she went through. The latest notification was 2 hours before I woke up, so I was certain my phone was turned on. - -The photos themselves were just photos and videos of girls I thought were really attractive (they were over 18) and would use to get off to. - -Now since they are in the recently deleted tab, notifications were only 2 hours old (and I had notifications from before 2 hours ago but before I went to sleep), I had apps open which I never use, and my phone wasnt in the spot I last had it. - -So the title says “I think” because im just hoping it was me in my sleep and I was really tired, since some photos were perfectly fine and she hasnt said anything about it yet. - -So incase she actually saw the photos/videos, can someone give me some advice on things like what to say/ do when or if she brings it up?",1,ive masturbating year started saving video photo phone easier get always keep hidden section phone last night forgot hide woke found recently deleted section app think went latest notification hour woke certain phone turned photo photo video girl thought really attractive would use get since recently deleted tab notification hour old notification hour ago went sleep apps open never use phone wasnt spot last title say think im hoping sleep really tired since photo perfectly fine hasnt said anything yet incase actually saw photo video someone give advice thing like say brings -"I’ve been on this for 5 weeks and still barely have an appetite. I even got nauseous going to the grocery store today. Is this normal? Has anyone else experienced this? It’s been great for my mood and communication. But it messes with my diet. I don’t even want to consume food really. Keep in mind though, I did used to emotionally eat.",1,week still barely appetite even got nauseous going grocery store today normal anyone else experienced great mood communication mess diet even want consume food really keep mind though used emotionally eat -"So I’ve tried almost every SSRI med except a few. Every single one I’ve been on seems to give me horrible intrusive or suicidal thoughts. I don’t actually want to hurt myself, but these thoughts are scaring me. Has anyone else had this experience with SSRI meds ?!",1,tried almost every ssri med except every single one seems give horrible intrusive suicidal thought actually want hurt thought scaring anyone else experience ssri med -"Sorry that it's kind of long and simple, but I just felt the need to write something. - -I don’t know if it’s because I’m young - -Or because I seem to have fun - -But no-one believes me. - -Nobody listens when I say: - -&#x200B; - -I can survive, but can’t seem to thrive - -I’m barely even alive - -My every thought is fear - -And every day makes it more clear - -That I’m struggling to keep up - -No matter what I do, it’s never enough - -&#x200B; - -I’ve tried speaking - -*Ignored* - -I’ve tried staying silent - -*Anxiety has scored* - -&#x200B; - -0-1 - -I plan a ton - -I don’t stop until everything’s done - -But in the long run - -It matters none - -It’s just yet another thing I do - -To try and stop the thoughts - -0-2 - -&#x200B; - -So each day I plea - -To this anxiety - -That I don’t get these type of thoughts- - -The ones strong enough to bring me to my knees - -And it never works. - -0-3 - -&#x200B; - -I try to open the door - -But it’s like starting a war - -How I wish I could go back to before - -Back to when I was happy for sure - -0-4 - -&#x200B; - -The replaying of every embarrassing moment - -That makes me want to die inside- - -Even the smallest things - -Can send my brain into overdrive - -0-5 - -&#x200B; - -Feel free to contribute or give constructive criticism (please). I'd love to see how we can all be struggling with the same things and yet it affects us all in different ways",1,sorry kind long simple felt need write something know young seem fun one belief nobody listens say amp x 00b survive seem thrive barely even alive every thought fear every day make clear struggling keep matter never enough amp x 00b tried speaking ignored tried staying silent anxiety scored amp x 00b 0 plan ton stop everything done long run matter none yet another thing try stop thought 0 amp x 00b day plea anxiety get type thought one strong enough bring knee never work 0 amp x 00b try open door like starting war wish could go back back happy sure 0 amp x 00b replaying every embarrassing moment make want die inside even smallest thing send brain overdrive 0 amp x 00b feel free contribute give constructive criticism please love see struggling thing yet affect u different way -I have anxious attachment style and I have autism as well. I'm 28 and I've never had a relationship last more than 2 months. at this point I feel no ones gonna understand or love me and I'll be alone forever. do girls not like guys that are clingy and sensitive? do I have to change?,1,anxious attachment style autism well never relationship last month point feel one gon na understand love alone forever girl like guy clingy sensitive change -"I’ve been on medication, prescribed by my primary care doctor. My therapist noticed my depression/anxiety remaining pretty high, and told me to talk to my doctor about it. My doctor increased my dosage, but also wants me to see a psychiatrist, who can better analyze my issues. He didn’t give me a referral, and said I can see anyone you want (preferably someone that takes my insurance). He did give a list of a few psychiatrists though. - -I have been looking through my insurance’s website for a psychiatrist. I have also just been searching online. But, I don’t know which one to select. What criteria should I look out for? Are online reviews reliable? - -Any advice would be appreciated.",1,medication prescribed primary care doctor therapist noticed depression anxiety remaining pretty high told talk doctor doctor increased dosage also want see psychiatrist better analyze issue give referral said see anyone want preferably someone take insurance give list psychiatrist though looking insurance website psychiatrist also searching online know one select criterion look online review reliable advice would appreciated -"I’m 24 and I have bad anxiety. Debilitating. I haven’t been able to keep a job since I was 17, so pretty much ever. I wake up early mornings hours before I have to be, my heart races, i black out, I puke, cough, my body shakes. I have so much fear of being in danger when I leave my house. I have the feelings of “when will I ever be back” I fear that wherever I’m working, isn’t safe. I’ll be shot. I have no issues seeing friends (for the most part) I do like driving myself so if I need to leave I can. I’m not relying on anyone. - - Feeling like this has made me loose my jobs due to ME calling out. I ruined every job I’ve ever had because I call out too much. I call out because I’m throwing up so much that my body won’t move, I pee myself. I push through the hard mornings snd I puke on myself in my car on the way. Or while I’m working and with covid, I was sent home A LOT. Mix that with my call outs and I’m fired. I understand. I hate that I’m like this. I WANT to be where I work. Especially now. I have my DREAM job, I’ve called out 3 times and I just started. - -I feel guilty all day and everyday until I work days and get passed it… then it happens again. I’ve been diagnosed with GAD and ptsd. But my doctors don’t believe in giving me anything “most “ patients would get for these things. I see they are looking out but I’m 24 now, no car to myself, no savings. Can’t have a healthy romantic relationship..can’t keep a job and most important, making me not like myself whatsoever. I’m letting myself and others down. I feel so toxic to my family and friends. They say I burn them out with my anxiety snd bad habits. IM EXHAUSTED TOO. Please any advice? Please.. I just need someone out there to maybe say they know and understand and that they got through this. - -Peace love ♥️",1,bad anxiety debilitating able keep job since pretty much ever wake early morning hour heart race black puke cough body shake much fear danger leave house feeling ever back fear wherever working safe shot issue seeing friend part like driving need leave relying anyone feeling like made loose job due calling ruined every job ever call much call throwing much body move pee push hard morning snd puke car way working covid sent home lot mix call out fired understand hate like want work especially dream job called time started feel guilty day everyday work day get passed happens diagnosed gad ptsd doctor believe giving anything patient would get thing see looking car saving healthy romantic relationship keep job important making like whatsoever letting others feel toxic family friend say burn anxiety snd bad habit im exhausted please advice please need someone maybe say know understand got peace love -"I am finally going to make an appointment Monday to talk to a doctor about my anxiety, but I already have so much anxiety about even calling to make the appointment. I’m tired of feeling like not only my mind, but my entire body is on edge just waiting for something to happen yet I know my blood pressure will be high and my pulse will skyrocket when I talk to the nurse/doctor and I’m dreading it. Any tips on helping anxiety about talking to a doctor about medicine for anxiety. I also don’t want them to think that I’m just wanting drugs or am being dramatic. I have tried to manage it myself for the past few months, but I feel no better.",1,finally going make appointment monday talk doctor anxiety already much anxiety even calling make appointment tired feeling like mind entire body edge waiting something happen yet know blood pressure high pulse skyrocket talk nurse doctor dreading tip helping anxiety talking doctor medicine anxiety also want think wanting drug dramatic tried manage past month feel better -It’s so hard for me to say no to people or refuse when they ask me to do something because i’m scared they’ll dislike me or stop being my friend. I feel like such a pushover.,1,hard say people refuse ask something scared dislike stop friend feel like pushover -"Feeling so shitty about myself. Everyone my age has already got their lives together while me i still dont have shit. No driving license, not a part of any community, no friend I can count on, nothing. I'm completely alone in my own world. I've been wasting too much time throughout my whole life, concerning too much about my academic yet still dumb and incapable of anything. Me and my stupid anxiety will get me nowhere in life.. I cant even make friend, I got this feeling that nobody wants to be my friend - why would they? I cant even talk to anyone without being anxious, cant tell anyone about myself because i believe nobody cares and i will just waste their time. Theres no future in me. Im shitty and totally worthless.",1,feeling shitty everyone age already got life together still dont shit driving license part community friend count nothing completely alone world wasting much time throughout whole life concerning much academic yet still dumb incapable anything stupid anxiety get nowhere life cant even make friend got feeling nobody want friend would cant even talk anyone without anxious cant tell anyone believe nobody care waste time there future im shitty totally worthless -I happened to notice his sudden halt of breathing and checked ( he’s had serious medical problems since birth.) I’ve had a worse sleep schedule than him ( anxiety ) so I keep getting a voice in my head telling me he’s stop breathing or dying right now so I constantly go check him and it’s stressful when I’m very anxious and it’s another layer of stress,1,happened notice sudden halt breathing checked serious medical problem since birth worse sleep schedule anxiety keep getting voice head telling stop breathing dying right constantly go check stressful anxious another layer stress -"So I been dealing with non stop generalized anxiety since December 2019. I have had anxiety in the past but it would only last maybe max 8 months and then I would revert to my old self. Now I am totally fucked and going on for 3 years of constant anxiety. - -I am constantly dizzy, I constantly obsess over my health. Last year I convinced myself I had a brain tumor and I had to beg the doctor for an mri and after an entire year of begging he finally gave it to me and it was as unnecessary as everyone told me. - -I constant detach/disassociate and the only thing that helps me chill the fuck out is closing my eyes and being in my room sometimes . - -I’m on antidepressants Like everyone else but I feel Lichis le they’re just doing half the work. It’s obvious that the other half of unfucking my brain has to be done be me. - -Anyways I hope everyone is doing well😉",1,dealing non stop generalized anxiety since december 0 9 anxiety past would last maybe max month would revert old self totally fucked going year constant anxiety constantly dizzy constantly ob health last year convinced brain tumor beg doctor mri entire year begging finally gave unnecessary everyone told constant detach disassociate thing help chill fuck closing eye room sometimes antidepressant like everyone else feel lichi le half work obvious half unfucking brain done anyways hope everyone well -"How do I get past this? I don’t have panic attacks. I’m diagnosed with BPD and never considered anxiety to be its own issue. Just…a component of my BPD. But I think my anxiety, independent of BPD, needs its own attention. I’m scared to seek help. I’m scared a therapist who specializes in anxiety will stigmatize me for having BPD and tell me “that’s just your BPD”. I’m anxious my boss won’t give me time off work for therapy. I’m anxious I’ll need anxiety meds and it’ll impair my function.",1,get past panic attack diagnosed bpd never considered anxiety issue component bpd think anxiety independent bpd need attention scared seek help scared therapist specializes anxiety stigmatize bpd tell bpd anxious bos give time work therapy anxious need anxiety med impair function -I smoked for the first time in months and now I’m freaking out and idk what to do EDIT: I’m all good now :) blocked out the stress for a little bit now getting food with the boys,1,smoked first time month freaking idk edit good blocked stress little bit getting food boy -So because of my anxiety I have this big fear of being alone. I’m afraid that I will lose my mind and hurt myself or something. I constantly surround myself with people and when my partner leaves town I have family stay with me. I feel like this is kind of becoming a problem because I’m never facing my anxiety alone. So when I’m alone driving or doing anything else alone I panic.,1,anxiety big fear alone afraid lose mind hurt something constantly surround people partner leaf town family stay feel like kind becoming problem never facing anxiety alone alone driving anything else alone panic -"This is nothing new for me, and it doesn’t really have a chance to come out now because I’ve been out of school for about four years and I don’t really go out in public much at all. But, from elementary school to high school (I think it even happened when I was attempting college too) when walking down stairs my legs would get so stiff that it was impossible to walk down the stairs properly and I was always scared that everyone could see how my legs were bugging out like that and it made me even more anxious. Even if no one was in the stairwell with me or even just one other person, it would happen. One time, I got a friend (he was 6’1” and I’m 5’2”) to carry me down the stairs because my legs were just not having it. - -Also, all my life I have days where I felt like I was just floaty and floating outside of my body, I also felt like whenever I felt this way something bad would happen to me or someone else… This feeling lasts all day and maybe even until the next day. I don’t know what this is. I know other people have this too, so could you tell me what it is? :/ - -Also also, several times a day, I’ll get really nervous and my heart will feel like it jumped and I’ll have a scared feeling for a few seconds. Today, I even had a weird small pain in my stomach that went a long with it but went away some seconds after my heart jumped and the scared feeling went away (the tummy pain has never happened before). - -Also also also, I sometimes wake up feeling really nervous and scared even though nothing has happened… - -(Sorry for this really long post. I tried to space it out so it would be a less intimidating big wall of text)",1,nothing new really chance come school four year really go public much elementary school high school think even happened attempting college walking stair leg would get stiff impossible walk stair properly always scared everyone could see leg bugging like made even anxious even one stairwell even one person would happen one time got friend carry stair leg also life day felt like floaty floating outside body also felt like whenever felt way something bad would happen someone else feeling last day maybe even next day know know people could tell also also several time day get really nervous heart feel like jumped scared feeling second today even weird small pain stomach went long went away second heart jumped scared feeling went away tummy pain never happened also also also sometimes wake feeling really nervous scared even though nothing happened sorry really long post tried space would le intimidating big wall text -"Hi there, -I am someone who suffers from health anxiety in the past 5 months. It started the day after two terrible things happened to me, my dog who I was very close with passed away, and I found out that I tested positive for covid, so quite the shellshock to say the least. The night after that I had a panic attack, which really scared me since I had never previously had one. That night I was in the hospital for a few hours, and aside from the fact I had covid, the doctors told me I was completely fine. After that night I would go on to get a blood test, and visit the doctor multiple times. Needles to say that everything came back fine: nothing bad was found in my blood, and despite having multiple odd feelings the doctor said I was fine, and basically confirmed I was suffering from a form of health anxiety: meaning I would feel like something is wrong with me, but in reality I was just fine. Around the fourth visit he recommended I see a counselor, and suggested getting a neurologist exam to remove all fear. I have been seeing a counselor for a few weeks now, and the earliest neurologist meeting is in May. As for my physical symptoms: I currently have a pins and needles feeling in the back of my head, and my neck has been feeling a bit stiff. Over the course of the last 5 months I've had other feelings, such as pins in my left hand, rough skin, emphasized feelings in all sorts of parts in my body, and other feelings I probably forgot about. I'm posting here because it seems like a welcoming community, and I want to share my experience with others who have suffered similarly, and hopefully get some reassurance for my self from others. I just need an outlet to cope to, because I hate constantly bother others I live with for reassurance. - -Either way, thank you for reading, and for those out there that are suffering: just know that you're not alone, and you will all live long, happy, healthy, and successful lives, and your pain will soon pass. - -God bless you all 🙏 - -PS: For those wondering, yes I got over covid.",1,hi someone suffers health anxiety past month started day two terrible thing happened dog close passed away found tested positive covid quite shellshock say least night panic attack really scared since never previously one night hospital hour aside fact covid doctor told completely fine night would go get blood test visit doctor multiple time needle say everything came back fine nothing bad found blood despite multiple odd feeling doctor said fine basically confirmed suffering form health anxiety meaning would feel like something wrong reality fine around fourth visit recommended see counselor suggested getting neurologist exam remove fear seeing counselor week earliest neurologist meeting may physical symptom currently pin needle feeling back head neck feeling bit stiff course last month feeling pin left hand rough skin emphasized feeling sort part body feeling probably forgot posting seems like welcoming community want share experience others suffered similarly hopefully get reassurance self others need outlet cope hate constantly bother others live reassurance either way thank reading suffering know alone live long happy healthy successful life pain soon pas god bless p wondering yes got covid -"Not sure if this is the right sub to post but wasn’t sure where to go really. I wouldn’t say that I feel anxious, but I’m what people call a worry wart. If there’s something I can worry about, even if it’s maybe very small, I will still worry about it. I’m worried about multiple things currently, my dogs leg that’s hurting, a pain I have in my lower jaw, finding a new job, etc… - -I will have thoughts about these sort of things and on the surface they don’t seem like much, but then I start to think about them more and more and I start to worry even more until I start getting scared of panicking sometimes. Like I have had this pain in my jaw for a few days now, I’m assuming it’s because I haven’t worn my retainer for the full time I’m supposed to the past few nights. My mind thinks that, but I also start worrying it might be another cavity and I’ll have to go to the dentist (which is the worst thing for me). But then I think hang on I’ve gone to them for similar stuff like this before and it wasn’t a cavity - but what if it is this time? - -You see the problem I’m having? Even though I’ll try and think about it logically my brain always makes up some sort of way to worry about stuff that might not even need that much thought. - -This is half a rant and half me looking for advice, I worry so much in my life and I hate it. I know I won’t stop worrying, but can anyone give me some advice to maybe worry less?",1,sure right sub post sure go really say feel anxious people call worry wart something worry even maybe small still worry worried multiple thing currently dog leg hurting pain lower jaw finding new job etc thought sort thing surface seem like much start think start worry even start getting scared panicking sometimes like pain jaw day assuming worn retainer full time supposed past night mind think also start worrying might another cavity go dentist worst thing think hang gone similar stuff like cavity time see problem even though try think logically brain always make sort way worry stuff might even need much thought half rant half looking advice worry much life hate know stop worrying anyone give advice maybe worry le -"So ive came to the conclusion that i actually have anxiety and Imsonia. Have all the sympthons for anxiety and i cant sleep for shit im can be dead tired and i go lay down and 30 mins later im still up. Ive spent plenty of nights up for 2-3 hours trying to sleep. Ive had a few nights where im asleep but i feel half awake, ill be sleep but i feel like im still awake. Ive been avoiding seeing a doctor because my family is pretty judgemental but i really feel like i need sometype of help. Its getting in the way of my life i cant sleep, the lack of sleep has me weak, its making my work life hell because im fatigue. Then my anxiety always me over thinking and feelomg weird in when im in social settings.",1,ive came conclusion actually anxiety imsonia sympthons anxiety cant sleep shit im dead tired go lay 0 min later im still ive spent plenty night hour trying sleep ive night im asleep feel half awake ill sleep feel like im still awake ive avoiding seeing doctor family pretty judgemental really feel like need sometype help getting way life cant sleep lack sleep weak making work life hell im fatigue anxiety always thinking feelomg weird im social setting -"i wish there was a reddit thing for friendship breakups but since november 2021 i’ve been repeatedly crushed by a now ex-best friend who i never wanted to let go of. it’s my fatal flaw, forgiving ppl who don’t deserve it. i always get bitten in the ass and never learn from it. the manipulative people in my life have torn my down over and over and bc i’m literally a fucking doormat. - -i don’t want to explain everything with this specific friend but part of what keeps hurting me is that i see pictures and am reminded of good memories we’ve had and all of a sudden i miss them. or i’ll see pictures from when i was happy and i’m brought to tears over the fact that i’m convinced it’s all my fault. i wish i could delete my social media and throw my phone into another galaxy but sometimes things like snapchat and tik tok make me happy so then i don’t do that. - -why am i like this? why do people walk away from me so easily? why do i let those people in just for them to walk out again?",1,wish reddit thing friendship breakup since november 0 repeatedly crushed ex best friend never wanted let go fatal flaw forgiving ppl deserve always get bitten as never learn manipulative people life torn bc literally fucking doormat want explain everything specific friend part keep hurting see picture reminded good memory sudden miss see picture happy brought tear fact convinced fault wish could delete social medium throw phone another galaxy sometimes thing like snapchat tik tok make happy like people walk away easily let people walk -"IDK if it was selective mutism or not (i never got a diagnosis/wasn't even suggested to get tested for it, partially bc i don't think people understood how serious and debilitating it was) but i used to have severe anxiety around certain people (mainly teachers) or subjects (talking about myself or asking for help were big ones for me) to the point where i *literally* couldn't speak. like people don't really seem to **get it** when i say this because it's one thing being shy or nervous to speak for me i know how that feels like. if i'm just nervous i just *feel* very uncomfortable. **this wasn't that.** when talking about certain subjects or talking to certain people, i would have this very uncomfortable and sometimes very painful physical symptom where... i don't know how else to describe it other than it felt like someone was stepping on my throat? like my throat was closed. shut tight. i found it hard to breathe (not in a hyperventilating kind of way, more like in a ""i'm choking right now, please help me"" way.) - -i would start hyperventilating if i was forced to speak for whatever reason (trying to force myself to speak would make me lose air = lightheaded and i would start breathing hard trying to take in more air since i was literally choking on nothing basically) or worse, i'd quickly break into an anxiety attack and start crying if i kept trying to force the problem = even harder to breathe. i felt faint/close to passing out so many times then it was not even funny. i'm not looking for a diagnosis, i was just wondering if anyone can relate. idk",1,idk selective mutism never got diagnosis even suggested get tested partially bc think people understood serious debilitating used severe anxiety around certain people mainly teacher subject talking asking help big one point literally speak like people really seem get say one thing shy nervous speak know feel like nervous feel uncomfortable talking certain subject talking certain people would uncomfortable sometimes painful physical symptom know else describe felt like someone stepping throat like throat closed shut tight found hard breathe hyperventilating kind way like choking right please help way would start hyperventilating forced speak whatever reason trying force speak would make lose air lightheaded would start breathing hard trying take air since literally choking nothing basically worse quickly break anxiety attack start cry kept trying force problem even harder breathe felt faint close passing many time even funny looking diagnosis wondering anyone relate idk -sometimes when I start to fall asleep it’s like I get trapped in my dream and cannot wake up. the dreams are usually a very uncomfortable or weird situation sometimes even terrifying. I normally feel dizzy and disoriented in the dream. Once im finally able to wake up im out of breath and panicking. im not sure what to make of these events but it messes with my sleep. when it occurs I can’t fall asleep for a while until I calm my brain down.,1,sometimes start fall asleep like get trapped dream wake dream usually uncomfortable weird situation sometimes even terrifying normally feel dizzy disoriented dream im finally able wake im breath panicking im sure make event mess sleep occurs fall asleep calm brain -,1,nan -"I’m worrying about having schizophrenia/psychosis every day. It’s gotten to the point where I can’t do normal stuff without thinking about my sanity. -Whenever i talk to someone i always over analyze conversations, I feel like people don’t like me or make fun of me, and it makes me question my sanity too. I do overthink my own behavior as well. I always feel like I’m behaving like a crazy person, and people just don’t want to tell me im crazy which makes me think im delusional, and the cycle goes on with almost everything! Hell, I even feel like a crazy person writing this post. - -I’d been to psychiatrist before, and he told me I have OCD and anxiety, but i just can’t believe it. I don’t feel like a normal person and I’m tired of this. Am I really going crazy? If not, then what the hell am I supposed to do to stop this? - - -(If u find my text confusing then sorry, english is my second language, and I’m still learning)",1,worrying schizophrenia psychosis every day gotten point normal stuff without thinking sanity whenever talk someone always analyze conversation feel like people like make fun make question sanity overthink behavior well always feel like behaving like crazy person people want tell im crazy make think im delusional cycle go almost everything hell even feel like crazy person writing post psychiatrist told ocd anxiety believe feel like normal person tired really going crazy hell supposed stop u find text confusing sorry english second language still learning -"I’ve been eating the same food every meal for months now bc everything else makes me want to throw up and cry. This is pretty normal for me so I never thought to bring it up with my psychiatrist and recently, I’ve been able to eat other food as well but when I sat at the table this morning, I found everything repulsive, even my go-to food. This usually only happens when my anxiety is really bad but I feel pretty ok rn so I don’t know why I can’t eat. Is this common with anxiety disorders?",1,eating food every meal month bc everything else make want throw cry pretty normal never thought bring psychiatrist recently able eat food well sat table morning found everything repulsive even go food usually happens anxiety really bad feel pretty ok rn know eat common anxiety disorder -"TW: somewhat mentions of blood and scarring -. -. -Idk if this is linked to anxiety or whatnot but I constantly find myself picking at my lips and fingers- especially when I get really anxious -I hate how it's left my lips scarred and bloody but I just can't seem to stop. I've tried putting chapstick on to prevent peeling so I wouldn't pick but it never lasted more than a couple weeks. -Also my fingers look pretty bad. When I was younger I would rip the white part of my fingernails off but now I just rip the surrounding skin until they bleed and scab. -I mean everytime I feel anxious and nervous I keep my hands together and in front of me which eventually leads to me picking at my fingers. I already have pretty bad social anxiety so the thought of people being able to see my awful hands and lips makes me feel worse... -Man something is really wrong with me tbh",1,tw somewhat mention blood scarring idk linked anxiety whatnot constantly find picking lip finger especially get really anxious hate left lip scarred bloody seem stop tried putting chapstick prevent peeling pick never lasted couple week also finger look pretty bad younger would rip white part fingernail rip surrounding skin bleed scab mean everytime feel anxious nervous keep hand together front eventually lead picking finger already pretty bad social anxiety thought people able see awful hand lip make feel worse man something really wrong tbh -,1,nan -"Like I can't even focus on anything, my mind is always racing, overthinking and obsessing. This is especially annoying right now because I have my final exams coming up real soon, and I need to work, but I can't concentrate. I hate the way I act around people, I am so awkward. I don't even speak, just awkwardly nod whenever someone talks to me, and whenever I do talk some dumb shit comes out of my mouth. It seems like I have started to isolate myself more and more from people, and I am always moody. People have started to catch on, saying that I always look sad, tired, among other not very nice things. Whenever someone asks me if I am okay, I just lie and say yes/nod my head awkwardly, or make up some excuse. I wish I could tell someone about my problems in depth but really I don't know what I would say, and honestly no one would actually care, and I don't blame them, everyone has their own shit going on and I don't want to bother anyone with my problems. - -My own mother has started to catch on to my moodiness, and she has started to yell at me and everything cause of the way I am acting. I don't even think I am doing anything wrong, I'm just not talking and I want to be left alone. I wish I could tell her, but again, I don't know what I would say, I don't know how she would take it and I don't want to stress her out. Anxiety really sucks, I hate using these things as an excuse cause I just want to get on with my life like everyone else.",1,like even focus anything mind always racing overthinking obsessing especially annoying right final exam coming real soon need work concentrate hate way act around people awkward even speak awkwardly nod whenever someone talk whenever talk dumb shit come mouth seems like started isolate people always moody people started catch saying always look sad tired among nice thing whenever someone asks okay lie say yes nod head awkwardly make excuse wish could tell someone problem depth really know would say honestly one would actually care blame everyone shit going want bother anyone problem mother started catch moodiness started yell everything cause way acting even think anything wrong talking want left alone wish could tell know would say know would take want stress anxiety really suck hate using thing excuse cause want get life like everyone else -"ok going to start with i had originally posted this on a different account but i don’t really want this to be traced back to me from anyone i may potentially know who may stumble upon that other account. - -there’s way too much that i could say so i will just say a few things. - -i think i’ve been suffering from anxiety for a long time and it’s pretty crippling to my social interactions and the choices i make. i miss out on a lot of stuff because of it and tend to have self destructive behaviors. - -when i make friends i have this problem where i feel like oversharing because someone is actually listening to me but due to some things lately i’ve started putting up more walls. i joke around a lot and tease to distract from people actually knowing me because i think that people knowing me is really scary. - -i’ve been closing my circles and any time i speak to people i’m just overwhelmingly anxious. i fear that i’ll say something that will make people start disliking me or finding me annoying. - -i work at a customer service place and i get really anxious when customers start asking questions i don’t know the answers to or get even remotely frustrated with me. i also get really anxious when a bigger group of customers come in and it just feels really embarrassing. - -i have a really hard time with phone calls too. it really stresses me out when i have to call someone or talk to like authority figures on the phone. - -i wish i could be able to fix it and make it easier to leave my house or message people etc. i just want to be able to exist without being afraid, you know?",1,ok going start originally posted different account really want traced back anyone may potentially know may stumble upon account way much could say say thing think suffering anxiety long time pretty crippling social interaction choice make miss lot stuff tend self destructive behavior make friend problem feel like oversharing someone actually listening due thing lately started putting wall joke around lot tease distract people actually knowing think people knowing really scary closing circle time speak people overwhelmingly anxious fear say something make people start disliking finding annoying work customer service place get really anxious customer start asking question know answer get even remotely frustrated also get really anxious bigger group customer come feel really embarrassing really hard time phone call really stress call someone talk like authority figure phone wish could able fix make easier leave house message people etc want able exist without afraid know -"I know for a fact I have an anxiety disorder, I’ve been diagnosed. I’ve been taking meds for it for years now. But as of recent things feel like they’re getting worse. The more I find ways to manage it, the more it feels like my body throws a new curveball at me. I also have been wondering about ADHD which I display a lot of symptoms of and have been looking into getting a diagnosis for that. - -I have chronic pain and fatigue, been dealing with it since I was 15 and I’m 19 now so it’s mostly manageable. But I feel like since I conquered that and know how to avoid flare ups and treat them, my body is coming up with new ways to torment me. - -Now I’ve found that whenever I get really stressed or anxious, I itch. and not just a normal run of the mill itch. It’s an insatiable DEEP crawling sensation that is impossible to ignore. I get it the worst on my feet. I scratch and scratch and scratch and it never gets better and when it’s really bad I’m left with cuts and scrapes from scratching so much. It’s so emotionally and physically painful. - -It hurts so badly because I know it’s not real and that my brain is doing this to me but I still feel it and it won’t go away. I’m literally having a breakdown right now because of it. - -I’m making this post because I just need to scream into the void and I want to know if anybody else deals with this? If you do, you’re not alone. I just don’t know how to make it better. I hate this feeling so much. -This all started btw because I couldn’t figure out a chest harness for myself. I don’t know how to make it stop, and it’s driving me nuts.",1,know fact anxiety disorder diagnosed taking med year recent thing feel like getting worse find way manage feel like body throw new curveball also wondering adhd display lot symptom looking getting diagnosis chronic pain fatigue dealing since 9 mostly manageable feel like since conquered know avoid flare ups treat body coming new way torment found whenever get really stressed anxious itch normal run mill itch insatiable deep crawling sensation impossible ignore get worst foot scratch scratch scratch never get better really bad left cut scrape scratching much emotionally physically painful hurt badly know real brain still feel go away literally breakdown right making post need scream void want know anybody else deal alone know make better hate feeling much started btw figure chest harness know make stop driving nut -"About the fact that you need to put your sex life at risk temporarily or sometimes permanently (r/pssd) in order to feel mentally stable. I hope one day they can make an antidepressant for anxiety and depression that does not cause sexual side effects, it would be a true life saver for me. It sucks when you value both that you need to really outweigh the pros and cons. - -tldr; buspar sucks",1,fact need put sex life risk temporarily sometimes permanently r pssd order feel mentally stable hope one day make antidepressant anxiety depression cause sexual side effect would true life saver suck value need really outweigh pro con tldr buspar suck -"i’m talking to my psych on Monday and i want to do some research into what might work for me! i have frequent mild panic attacks, infrequent (but still kind of like once a week/once every 2 weeks) severe panic attacks, and constant anxiety. i’ve tried a bunch of anxiety meds but haven’t really found any that worked for me- however, i haven’t tried any in years, so there’s a chance i’ve grown as i was about 21-23 during most of my trials and it’s been a good 5 years since then. so what are / were your favorites?? thanks!",1,talking psych monday want research might work frequent mild panic attack infrequent still kind like week every week severe panic attack constant anxiety tried bunch anxiety med really found worked however tried year chance grown trial good year since favorite thanks -"My anxiety has recently gotten so bad that it consumes me 24/7. At times I’m not able to stop shaking, my blood pressure is suffering from it, and thoughts of impending doom are constant. It’s hard for me to focus on anything. I got back from the doctors for anxiety a couple days ago, and my bp was 140/90. I got my bp checked yesterday and as I did, I started panicking and my bp shot up 173/80-something. I had to calm myself down and luckily it went back down to around 132/87. I have to go get it checked again today and I know I’m gonna panic again. I hate living like this, I feel like I’m suffering. I need someone to help me through this who gets it. I need to know that it’s just gonna be okay and that I still have a chance in life.",1,anxiety recently gotten bad consumes time able stop shaking blood pressure suffering thought impending doom constant hard focus anything got back doctor anxiety couple day ago bp 0 90 got bp checked yesterday started panicking bp shot 0 something calm luckily went back around go get checked today know gon na panic hate living like feel like suffering need someone help get need know gon na okay still chance life -Your brain is lying to you. You matter. Your best is good enough even on the bad days. You are amazing. You have so much to offer this world. 🥰❤️,1,brain lying matter best good enough even bad day amazing much offer world -I haven’t really worked a stable job in a while and now I’ve got two of them .. I’ll be starting both this week and I just have the jitters … I was a different person years ago so I didn’t get as nervous but now I’m feeling overwhelmed because I for one I don’t socialize with people ever and I havent been truly employed for such a long time.. the jobs aren’t hard jobs but it’s a real establishment and a boss and co workers and I’m just nervous. I don’t want to mess up because I need these jobs if I want to move out.. I just want everything to go right..,1,really worked stable job got two starting week jitter different person year ago get nervous feeling overwhelmed one socialize people ever havent truly employed long time job hard job real establishment bos co worker nervous want mess need job want move want everything go right -"Im going to university with this childhood friend of mine, the thing is I don't know how to socialize any further than just a small talk that leads no where and I never know what to talk about even with them and they present me people that are nice but I just don't feel comfortable with them. I try to talk to the people in my classroom in the different classes but never go any further than that, every time I talk to someone I feel like I'm annoying them or that my mere pressense irritates them. I don't know what to do to expand my social group to people I have common interests in both in hobbies and in the career I'm at.",1,im going university childhood friend mine thing know socialize small talk lead never know talk even present people nice feel comfortable try talk people classroom different class never go every time talk someone feel like annoying mere pressense irritates know expand social group people common interest hobby career -"Hey so I feel cringe posting this and will likely delete but sometimes just venting and writing things out is rlly calming and therapeutic. This is my first post here but i've lurked for a few years now and always read other people's stories when im feeling down and alone which helps sometimes.-(Background before getting into this: I have GAD and major depressive disorder and have been on ssris since 2015. My dads side of the family all tend to have the same issues just on a way less of a scale) - -I am awful at articulating my thoughts and it’s insanely frustrating. Just a heads up before getting into the incoherent vent post. I’m just gonna be listing a bunch of different things that have been bothering me - -I am 27 soon to be 28 (I am absolutely petrified of turning 30) and I have 0 accomplishments in life. I still live with my parents. I work a shitty job paying $13/hr. I have 0 motivation or drive to want to pursue anything like a better job, meeting new people, getting into a relationship, etc. I sit in my dark dimly lit room all day and play games + watch twitch streams - -All of my friends are moving on and having kids and getting their own places and embracing adulthood with open arms. I seem to be the only one that is incapable of making this transition. I want to be a kid again. I want the simpler times. I hate responsibilities and expectations. I’m immature and dumb and don’t want to grow up. - -I have a shitty, jealous, easily angered, petty personality that i was also blessed enough to obtain from my dads side of the family. I have never met someone with a personality as petty and insecure as mines. Ex: so i have this friend that applied for a government job that would be really good for her and she'd be making good money. This is obviously a great thing and I'm happy for her but I would be lying if i said i wasn't kinda hoping she got turned down. We both currently work shitty jobs and suffer the same money/work struggle. I think I just don't want to be left behind and feel like I'm alone in my struggle. I feel so shitty that I'm even thinking this way. I also have an ego that I rlly shouldn’t have considering im an ugly short bald 27 year old that peaked in highschool. Idk if it’s undiagnosed narcissism or what but I know something is wrong. Because of this, I am most of the time, an awful friend. I've gotten better over the years because i gained some self-awareness. Before though, I would burn a lot of bridges. I was getting into arguments with irl friends and internet friends weekly. Man I used to be such a bully to my little brother growing up too and I cringe every time I think about it. Im incredibly grateful every day that I was able to gain self awareness and a want to change. - -I have anxiety attacks and sink into deep holes of depression when faced with the realization I have to work a 9-5 40 hour work week CUCKjob for another 40 years. I used to watch twitch streams as an escape but now I can’t even do that anymore without having an anxiety attack that I’ll never get to live the easy, luxurious life that they do. (Wake up whenever they want, go to “work” whenever they want, do w/e they want for 6 hours and then log off and go do fuck all. They can take off whenever they want without the worry of being fired. All while making more in 1 year than I will ever make in 2 lifetimes of busting my ass. (I understand I’m describing like the top 1% of twitch streamers but still) - -I have really awful self-esteem and have had for as long as I could remember. I used to hate getting pictures taken as a kid and would constantly try to hide my face. It became a running gag in my friend group that I would never take pictures. It was to a point where I was having anxiety attacks just seeing pictures of myself. There are times when I start to feel better about my appearance but then Ill see a picture of myself and immediately get reminded that I’m fuckin nosferatu. I genuinely think I’m incredibly below average and if it wasn’t for the fact that I am addicted to working out I might just be the most undesirable man on the planet. I would put myself in bottom 10th percentile in looks. I do think i have some degree of body dysmorphia and it's especially bad right now because im in a panic-y state so i am probably overreacting a little about my appearance. - -I’ve always had some social anxiety growing up but it was maintainable and didn’t rlly stop me from doing most things I wanted to do but there was an incident in 2012 that just made it skyrocket and it has been progressively getting worse since. - -Quite frankly I think I am just doomed to suffer. I genuinely do not see a happy ending/future for me. I am a walking abomination of every negative character trait imaginable that doesn’t deserve to have good friends. I don’t even want to have kids because idk for certain if I just won’t 1 day get tired of it all and shoot my shot, if u will. I wouldn’t want to have kids growing up without their dad. I also don’t want to potentially pass down to them the shitty mental health genes that I have and have them go through everything I have mentally bc it sucks and I would want a better life for them. Honestly there’s so much more fucking shit that I could complain about regarding myself but this is already long enough. - -Don’t feel obligated to respond to this. I’ve already started to feel a little better just from typing it. This is the 4th night in a row I'll be up till 4am bc anxiety attack keeping me from falling asleep. Oh yeah and reminder that this is ALL WHILE STILL taking SSRI’s. I do not want to imagine what my mental state would be without them. - -Tl;dr money, work, growing up, age, looks, self esteem, personality, social anxiety, it’s all freakin shit and makes me depressed and anxious",1,hey feel cringe posting likely delete sometimes venting writing thing rlly calming therapeutic first post lurked year always read people story im feeling alone help sometimes background getting gad major depressive disorder ssri since 0 dad side family tend issue way le scale awful articulating thought insanely frustrating head getting incoherent vent post gon na listing bunch different thing bothering soon absolutely petrified turning 0 0 accomplishment life still live parent work shitty job paying hr 0 motivation drive want pursue anything like better job meeting new people getting relationship etc sit dark dimly lit room day play game watch twitch stream friend moving kid getting place embracing adulthood open arm seem one incapable making transition want kid want simpler time hate responsibility expectation immature dumb want grow shitty jealous easily angered petty personality also blessed enough obtain dad side family never met someone personality petty insecure mine ex friend applied government job would really good making good money obviously great thing happy would lying said kinda hoping got turned currently work shitty job suffer money work struggle think want left behind feel like alone struggle feel shitty even thinking way also ego rlly considering im ugly short bald year old peaked highschool idk undiagnosed narcissism know something wrong time awful friend gotten better year gained self awareness though would burn lot bridge getting argument irl friend internet friend weekly man used bully little brother growing cringe every time think im incredibly grateful every day able gain self awareness want change anxiety attack sink deep hole depression faced realization work 9 0 hour work week cuckjob another 0 year used watch twitch stream escape even anymore without anxiety attack never get live easy luxurious life wake whenever want go work whenever want w e want hour log go fuck take whenever want without worry fired making year ever make lifetime busting as understand describing like top twitch streamer still really awful self esteem long could remember used hate getting picture taken kid would constantly try hide face became running gag friend group would never take picture point anxiety attack seeing picture time start feel better appearance ill see picture immediately get reminded fuckin nosferatu genuinely think incredibly average fact addicted working might undesirable man planet would put bottom 0th percentile look think degree body dysmorphia especially bad right im panic state probably overreacting little appearance always social anxiety growing maintainable rlly stop thing wanted incident 0 made skyrocket progressively getting worse since quite frankly think doomed suffer genuinely see happy ending future walking abomination every negative character trait imaginable deserve good friend even want kid idk certain day get tired shoot shot u want kid growing without dad also want potentially pas shitty mental health gene go everything mentally bc suck would want better life honestly much fucking shit could complain regarding already long enough feel obligated respond already started feel little better typing th night row till bc anxiety attack keeping falling asleep oh yeah reminder still taking ssri want imagine mental state would without tl dr money work growing age look self esteem personality social anxiety freakin shit make depressed anxious -"Went in for problems I won't disclose, had blood drawn and they had it sent in. My symptoms just keep getting worse, and it's making me fear getting the dreaded cancer call back. I'm making it worse for myself by googling symptom after symptom, illness after illness, treatment after treatment, and it's filling me with more dread. I can't stop shaking, I can't sleep, I don't know what to do. This is the worst attack I've had in a long time and all I want is to go back 5 days to before my symptoms appeared so I can feel normal again and not have to fear the worst. I don't know what else to say. I'm just so scared of what might be, and I'm just psyching myself out and making it worse. I wouldn't be surprised if my symptoms are getting worse because of the anxiety. I want my doctor to see me on the weekend, and I want to be comforted. I don't want to die, I don't want to go through treatments, I'm afraid of medication, I'm just so fucking scared right now and I just want it all to calm down. I'm afraid to call people, I'm afraid to wake up family, but I don't know where to go or what to do.",1,went problem disclose blood drawn sent symptom keep getting worse making fear getting dreaded cancer call back making worse googling symptom symptom illness illness treatment treatment filling dread stop shaking sleep know worst attack long time want go back day symptom appeared feel normal fear worst know else say scared might psyching making worse surprised symptom getting worse anxiety want doctor see weekend want comforted want die want go treatment afraid medication fucking scared right want calm afraid call people afraid wake family know go -"Hi everyone, - -In the past few years that I have been living alone as a student, I noticed myself falling into periods of time where I would not leave the house alone. It's not as if I don't enjoy going outside, I live in Vancouver and there are some truly beautiful days here where the sunlight makes this city breathtaking. My issue isn't a fear of going outside, it's more of a fear of the people I'll encounter and how they may judge me. I've always struggled with depression and low self-esteem. I've always felt nervous about other people looking at me. I avoid leaving the house alone unless it's necessary and when I do, it's usually at night. I've even had points in the past where I've drunk alcohol to make myself feel less nervous about leaving the apartment for groceries. I usually don't make eye contact when I'm alone outside and keep my eyes focused ahead or on the ground. Why do other people scare me so much when I'm on my own? I can leave if I'm with friends, but on my own I always get nervous and procrastinate until nighttime when fewer people are out. I think I just feel safer inside because other people aren't there to see me or place judgment. - -I'm fortunate enough that my current boss allows me to work from home so unless I need to leave the house, I usually won't. I even try to get most of my groceries via amazon so I can minimize the chances of going outside. I feel like I want to hide in here and not think about anything. I don't even want to look at myself. - -I was wondering if there are other people who feel this way too? Is there a name for what I'm experiencing? Am I just lazy?...I just want to know how to feel better.",1,hi everyone past year living alone student noticed falling period time would leave house alone enjoy going outside live vancouver truly beautiful day sunlight make city breathtaking issue fear going outside fear people encounter may judge always struggled depression low self esteem always felt nervous people looking avoid leaving house alone unless necessary usually night even point past drunk alcohol make feel le nervous leaving apartment grocery usually make eye contact alone outside keep eye focused ahead ground people scare much leave friend always get nervous procrastinate nighttime fewer people think feel safer inside people see place judgment fortunate enough current bos allows work home unless need leave house usually even try get grocery via amazon minimize chance going outside feel like want hide think anything even want look wondering people feel way name experiencing lazy want know feel better -"Title! I am currently looking at getting onto meds for my anxiety, and am exploring options for telehealth. My goal is to get on them as soon as possible, along with going to a therapist to engage in CBT. Does anyone here have suggestions for solid telehealth platforms? Ideally, I would not have to wait that long to see a doctor so that I can receive meds in a timely manner, and I do not have to pay an arm and a leg for the appointment. With that being said, I am OK with spending a little extra if it means that I am able to get into an appointment quicker. - -I have been looking at Cerebral, Hims, and other various telehealth services which I cannot remember at this moment. Does anyone have suggestions on one that can provide timely service? I am OK with paying money for a monthly appointment, if it means that I can get meds, but ideally, I would get on meds as soon as possible, and then go to an IRL mental health counselor and get meds from them. - -Thanks!",1,title currently looking getting onto med anxiety exploring option telehealth goal get soon possible along going therapist engage cbt anyone suggestion solid telehealth platform ideally would wait long see doctor receive med timely manner pay arm leg appointment said ok spending little extra mean able get appointment quicker looking cerebral hims various telehealth service remember moment anyone suggestion one provide timely service ok paying money monthly appointment mean get med ideally would get med soon possible go irl mental health counselor get med thanks -Last year i had a mental breakdown in my very first apartment . i got way too overwhelmed and i panicked . the anxiety episodes lasted months and i couldnt function . well today i made it through the night my first day back !! no anxiety or anything !!!,1,last year mental breakdown first apartment got way overwhelmed panicked anxiety episode lasted month couldnt function well today made night first day back anxiety anything -"I suddenly feel uneasy and uncomfortable at my relatives house. I feel like my heart is gonna explode, and wanna puke. - -I'm close with my relatives, but I don't know why I'm feeling this way it rarely happens. there's this one time I'm feeling uneasy and uncomfortable, then I just started shaking for no reason while I'm talking to my relative.",1,suddenly feel uneasy uncomfortable relative house feel like heart gon na explode wan na puke close relative know feeling way rarely happens one time feeling uneasy uncomfortable started shaking reason talking relative -"every time i talk to somebody outside of my house and can relate to somebody or have things in common with people, i just want to curl up and cry. - -Almost every time i meet somebody Irl i freak out and say i never want to see them again, and if i don't do that i act distant the next time i see them... - -I only have online friends and having friends / making friends Irl is scary... - -I'm 15 and a half and everyone says things like ""Your going to be getting a job soon"" but if i cant even make friends how am i suppose to get a job.",1,every time talk somebody outside house relate somebody thing common people want curl cry almost every time meet somebody irl freak say never want see act distant next time see online friend friend making friend irl scary half everyone say thing like going getting job soon cant even make friend suppose get job -"Hi everyone, so I went to go see The Batman at the movies today with my parents and I know this is probably really common but I feel so overstimulated at the movies. Things are too loud, and the room gets too dark. I can’t see anything and it freaks me out. I get sensory issues when this happens. Man I wanted to see The Batman really bad and it upsets me because I can’t enjoy it as much. Tried to do deep breathing/muscle relaxation. The sensory overload is just too much. This happens for stuff outside of the movies, just things that are too loud/too bright/too dark. Anyone know how to get past this?",1,hi everyone went go see batman movie today parent know probably really common feel overstimulated movie thing loud room get dark see anything freak get sensory issue happens man wanted see batman really bad upset enjoy much tried deep breathing muscle relaxation sensory overload much happens stuff outside movie thing loud bright dark anyone know get past -"I've always been scared if the dark, its something I can't explain. I know there's something there... not trying to sound crazy lol. everytime I put my phone down to sleep I just get crazy anxiety and start seeing things sometimes. I'm going to wake up at 3pm tomorrow at this rate..",1,always scared dark something explain know something trying sound crazy lol everytime put phone sleep get crazy anxiety start seeing thing sometimes going wake pm tomorrow rate -"So this may be odd, but has anyone’s sense of smell been really weird while on buspar? Maybe it’s unrelated but I just get random smells sometimes and feel like my Spence of smell is heightened.",1,may odd anyone sense smell really weird buspar maybe unrelated get random smell sometimes feel like spence smell heightened -"Add, ass, Ptsd and general anxiety 🎉 Ive been on medication for my ADD as long as I can remember but after a (lets call it a) mental breakdown I had a few weeks ago (and spend the weeks after on xanax) I am finally on anti depressants-after saying no for over 15 years - -They're supposed to help with my anxiety after a trauma I recently went through and it's helping my anxiety yes but it's scary af?? Cause its as if I'm on a tiny bit of party drugs and everything seems fine, even when I notice it isn't. When there is an issue or a problem I used to see 79 bad things happen all at once and felt the need to prepare myself for all of those 79, but now I can sort of calmy assess the issue and find a solution without the 79 possible scenarios taking over my emotions and cognitive skills. - -Neurologically speaking I fully understand what the drugs are doing to my brain, scary and anxiety like thoughts get filtered now. -But who decides What to actually filter? - -What if I'm driving again and I see someone walking in front of my car and it's filtered ""not a danger""? (very black and white question idk how else to make it clear) - -Anyway I wrote a poem about it hope there's someone out there understanding my question cause my therapist definitely doesn't and my shrink is on holiday 😂 - - - -It's weird not noticing - -what's changing - - -in my brain but -to know something is - - -probably - -for the better - - -(but) - - -what if I don't - -like this person - - -this new brain - -and ways of thinking - - -so many what ifs - -still - - -even on this - -tiny pill - - -that's changing me - -into something - - -someone I'm - -scared of even meeting - - -(but can never - -run from)",1,add as ptsd general anxiety ive medication add long remember let call mental breakdown week ago spend week xanax finally anti depressant saying year supposed help anxiety trauma recently went helping anxiety yes scary af cause tiny bit party drug everything seems fine even notice issue problem used see 9 bad thing happen felt need prepare 9 sort calmy ass issue find solution without 9 possible scenario taking emotion cognitive skill neurologically speaking fully understand drug brain scary anxiety like thought get filtered decides actually filter driving see someone walking front car filtered danger black white question idk else make clear anyway wrote poem hope someone understanding question cause therapist definitely shrink holiday weird noticing changing brain know something probably better like person new brain way thinking many ifs still even tiny pill changing something someone scared even meeting never run -"Stress… -I love it like its bliss - -Stress is so fun…NOT, but it wants to give a kiss - -That’s no lie, stress can fry, your mind up and that shit can piss - -But I still try, to deal with all the pain and misery it gives - -Stress, stress oh yes, in this world it lives - -Rat race, or cop chase, stress can help or it can make you feel like crap - -And that isn’t cap - -But stress can make you lose your mind, or put mind in a trap",1,stress love like bliss stress fun want give kiss lie stress fry mind shit piss still try deal pain misery give stress stress oh yes world life rat race cop chase stress help make feel like crap cap stress make lose mind put mind trap -"Hello everyone, - -I am currently on a trip for spring break (college senior) with friends and really struggling. First, a little background though: - -I am 22 now, but have struggled with anxiety on and off my entire life. It started with separation anxiety probably, not being okay going to daycare or anything of the sort (even with my older brother) just because I couldn't stand being away from my parents. I also would get hysterical if they left for a trip, etc. I also would be frantic and crying at the end of the school day in elementary school because I worried my parents wouldn't be there to pick me up. As I got older, this morphed into more health anxiety (I also faint around needles so I have a big fear of fainting) and then into panic disorder in high school (diagnosed by my therapist). I have seen a number of therapists off and on but never gone on any medication for anxiety (my parents are super supportive of therapy but have always been more skeptical of meds for mental health). I also had a really hard time going to college, even though it was only an hour away, because I got majorly homesick and struggled with adjustment disorder. I eventually did adjust and now totally love my school, but it took me a solid semester to overcome by homesickness. - -Fast forward to present: - -I have noticed I get really nervous for trips that are somewhere unfamiliar to me and where I don't have one of my ""safe"" people with me (my parents or my boyfriend). I have amazing friends who are caring and supportive, but for some reason they don't fall into my ""safe"" category like my parents or boyfriend do. (Also just a sidenote, but I had a generally happy childhood and have a great relationship with my parents, for whatever relevance that may have.) - -I have huge anxiety leading up to trips and then also when I arrive, and it tends to be crippling if I don't have a ""safe"" person there. Right now I am in Mexico for 5 days on spring break with three of my friends, and I feel tremendously awful and sad. Like not necessarily panicky but just really deeply sad, and like I want nothing more than to go home and hug my loved ones. I am trying to do more research and it seems like this could be a separation anxiety type issue? In places where I feel comfortable (hometown, college town, etc) I am totally happy doing things alone/being independent of my ""safe"" people so it isn't an all the time thing, but it is making travel really not fun for me and I honestly just want nothing more than to go home. - -Any advice would be great. I am currently in therapy (CBT/general talk therapy mashup) and will be bringing this up with my therapist, but I would really love any and all suggestions for both tackling this immediately and trying to enjoy my trip, and for ways to think about this when I talk with my therapist. I know this is a bit rambling so sorry, and thank you!",1,hello everyone currently trip spring break college senior friend really struggling first little background though struggled anxiety entire life started separation anxiety probably okay going daycare anything sort even older brother stand away parent also would get hysterical left trip etc also would frantic cry end school day elementary school worried parent pick got older morphed health anxiety also faint around needle big fear fainting panic disorder high school diagnosed therapist seen number therapist never gone medication anxiety parent super supportive therapy always skeptical med mental health also really hard time going college even though hour away got majorly homesick struggled adjustment disorder eventually adjust totally love school took solid semester overcome homesickness fast forward present noticed get really nervous trip somewhere unfamiliar one safe people parent boyfriend amazing friend caring supportive reason fall safe category like parent boyfriend also sidenote generally happy childhood great relationship parent whatever relevance may huge anxiety leading trip also arrive tends crippling safe person right mexico day spring break three friend feel tremendously awful sad like necessarily panicky really deeply sad like want nothing go home hug loved one trying research seems like could separation anxiety type issue place feel comfortable hometown college town etc totally happy thing alone independent safe people time thing making travel really fun honestly want nothing go home advice would great currently therapy cbt general talk therapy mashup bringing therapist would really love suggestion tackling immediately trying enjoy trip way think talk therapist know bit rambling sorry thank -"The title is exactly what I feel. Ive been kind of distant. I’m quieter, respond shorter, and get more irritated internally. Each day goes by and I think “all of this will be gone soon.” Normally, I’d try to do as much as I can, but that thought scares me so much. Everything feels so fast and slow at the same time. I hate when people mention how fast seasons change and things like “I can’t believe it’s already been a year.” Its so scary. Ive been overwhelmed by that fact, that whenever I get upset at my friends or family, the guilt I feel afterwards is so intense. It feels like I’ve grown so many fears that when I go outside I’m constantly worried about things. “What if my mom runs into trouble during work while I’m gone,” “what if I get shot in school while all my family is gone,” “what if my sister gets kidnapped.” Even in school I’m thinking about it. The thoughts are so scary.",1,title exactly feel ive kind distant quieter respond shorter get irritated internally day go think gone soon normally try much thought scare much everything feel fast slow time hate people mention fast season change thing like believe already year scary ive overwhelmed fact whenever get upset friend family guilt feel afterwards intense feel like grown many fear go outside constantly worried thing mom run trouble work gone get shot school family gone sister get kidnapped even school thinking thought scary -"I was picking up dinner, and when I went to close the door I hit my head. I’m sure I’m fine but now my anxiety went to 100 and I’m thinking of internal bleeding and all this stuff and idk if my anxiety is causing this small headache I have now or not.",1,picking dinner went close door hit head sure fine anxiety went 00 thinking internal bleeding stuff idk anxiety causing small headache -" - -Hi I think I’m okay but wanted to check in... - -I was cleaning some shelves at work and washed my hands, and went out for a smoke. Had a stomach ache but I could just be hungry....? Didn’t eat much besides some cereal and chips and it’s evening time lol - -My mind being overactive again?? Maybe I was worried about residue I guess lol",1,hi think okay wanted check cleaning shelf work washed hand went smoke stomach ache could hungry eat much besides cereal chip evening time lol mind overactive maybe worried residue guess lol -"Hey! I don’t want anyone to feel too down but any advice might help. So for the past few days, weeks- scarily maybe a couple of months I haven’t felt ‘real’ and it’s starting to scare me. I’ve struggled with anxiety for a while and I’ve had it happen for a couple of days in the past, but this time it feels different… it’s the physical embodiment of ‘is this all there is?’. Like I’m self aware yet everything is hazy and forgettable. I thought it would go away when I came home from uni but it hasn’t. I just came back from a family dinner where I couldn’t stop being frustrated with how I couldn’t just BE there mentally, ‘immerse myself’. I tried appreciation of the little things and when I try, I know I should FEEL something but its just apathy. It’s like ‘it is what it is’ but a bit more pessimistic/hopeless (maybe hopeless is too strong a word). I don’t plan on giving up in my lifetime, but it just makes me overwhelmed that this has been going on for a while and I don’t know how to make life feel REAL again. It might be derealization but it feels weirder more self aware than that. If anyone has gone through this before and has tips to speed up the process I’d be so, so grateful ❤️",1,hey want anyone feel advice might help past day week scarily maybe couple month felt real starting scare struggled anxiety happen couple day past time feel different physical embodiment like self aware yet everything hazy forgettable thought would go away came home uni came back family dinner stop frustrated mentally immerse tried appreciation little thing try know feel something apathy like bit pessimistic hopeless maybe hopeless strong word plan giving lifetime make overwhelmed going know make life feel real might derealization feel weirder self aware anyone gone tip speed process grateful -"Hello friends -I had a very rough night. My period is in a day and during my PMS I always have more anxiety and emotions than usual. Right now though, I am going through a relapse of my GAD and PA. Last night was one of the most challenging nights of my anxiety days. I literally felt like the entire night was a big long not ending panic attack session. I had moments where I had the full blown panic attack but in between the anxiety was constant. In and out of sleep, I was a mess. I was convinced that this time I lost my mind. I need to call an ambulance and put in a mental health hospital. It was too much. Absolutely out of hand. And now I am exhausted, anxious, DP/DR is here and hoping it will all get better once I get my period. -I am on therapy, 50mg Sertraline and trying to meditate. But last night was hard. Something I haven’t experienced before and I am feeling so defeated and scared that this is it. That’s how I’ll lost my mind.",1,hello friend rough night period day pm always anxiety emotion usual right though going relapse gad pa last night one challenging night anxiety day literally felt like entire night big long ending panic attack session moment full blown panic attack anxiety constant sleep mess convinced time lost mind need call ambulance put mental health hospital much absolutely hand exhausted anxious dp dr hoping get better get period therapy 0mg sertraline trying meditate last night hard something experienced feeling defeated scared lost mind -"Hi I'm just wondering if anyone is having the same issue and tips to cope? I've been in night clubs twice over the past couple of months, both after I've had a few drinks with friends. On both occasions I've had to leave early because I get anxious about the number of people around resulting in a panic attack. I never used to be like this before covid and I'm generally ok in crowds sober. Anyone got any tips to cope?",1,hi wondering anyone issue tip cope night club twice past couple month drink friend occasion leave early get anxious number people around resulting panic attack never used like covid generally ok crowd sober anyone got tip cope -"How I love employers, and how they love me too - -But most of these employers, deserve a fucking SUE!! - -And some fuckers fuck with me, they should never fuck with me - -and yes the last place I worked at, it Was not a cup of TEA!! - -Living here is so stressful, anyone can fucking see - -And the stress does fucking suck, you know it is not stress free - -And all I have is one damn buck, -That’s why I might have to Flee - -Drive in a van, or a damn truck, and hope the stress will leave me be",1,love employer love employer deserve fucking sue fucker fuck never fuck yes last place worked cup tea living stressful anyone fucking see stress fucking suck know stress free one damn buck might flee drive van damn truck hope stress leave -"My dad calls me immature when I have anxiety attacks. He swears and screams at my mom, points at me and hovers over me when he yells, and threatens to beat me if I don't somehow cure my mental illness. I needed real help for a real problem and he sent me to a pseudoscientific hypnotherapist just because his friend went there. I need help, that doesn't make me a baby",1,dad call immature anxiety attack swears scream mom point hovers yell threatens beat somehow cure mental illness needed real help real problem sent pseudoscientific hypnotherapist friend went need help make baby -"I just learned about Appendicitis and I'm freaking out. The thought of my appendix bursting randomly makes me desperately want to crawl out of my body. I've seen too many things in my life that have made me so afraid and worried about the pain that comes with death (I used to pursue forensic science until it was too much for my anxiety; we had to watch people get killed in order to learn how to recreate the events of a crime scene). I'm a healthy 24 year old yet i fear and think about death every single day of my life, specifically the pain associated with it. Does anyone else have this fear? Or know any tricks to cope with it?",1,learned appendicitis freaking thought appendix bursting randomly make desperately want crawl body seen many thing life made afraid worried pain come death used pursue forensic science much anxiety watch people get killed order learn recreate event crime scene healthy year old yet fear think death every single day life specifically pain associated anyone else fear know trick cope -"I'm sick of hearing, ""these are your best years,"" and ""it only gets worse."" I'm 16 years old, I'm in highschool, and every adult in my life insists that it doesn't get any better than this. -I'm told that as I get older---get a job, a house, debt, more responsibilities---I'll only get more stressed. School alone, coupled with my anxiety, is enough to make getting through a single day a struggle. - -I'm fortunate enough to have a very good home life. My greatest struggle has been, and continues to be, with myself. I'm afraid that once I move on to life past highschool, and I no longer have a strong support system, I will collapse in on myself. - -If you struggled with mental health in highschool/when you were younger, has life as an adult improved for you? Does it get any easier?",1,sick hearing best year get worse year old highschool every adult life insists get better told get older get job house debt responsibility get stressed school alone coupled anxiety enough make getting single day struggle fortunate enough good home life greatest struggle continues afraid move life past highschool longer strong support system collapse struggled mental health highschool younger life adult improved get easier -"So..had a really bad few weeks with my anxiety, my doctor decided to put me on Citalopram, and now I’ve barely eaten and drank for 4 days, which has made this experience so much worse. So, I’ve decided to stop taking them, and stick to my propranolol, I’m going to create new healthy routines for my day to day life, drink more water, maybe a new hobby? I’ve also ordered 2 new books, one on how to heal from narcissistic abuse (route of my anxiety from a parent), and how to let go of painful memories that are causing me to be miserable. On a positive note, I’ve had a really good conversation with my boyfriend (who’s my rock) as sometimes he gets deflated with my anxiousness and negativity which I can completely appreciate. Also I’m going to start going back to therapy and get into that routine too. I don’t know what the point of this post is lol but I just want someone who can relate to me, or me to them after the worst week ever.",1,really bad week anxiety doctor decided put citalopram barely eaten drank day made experience much worse decided stop taking stick propranolol going create new healthy routine day day life drink water maybe new hobby also ordered new book one heal narcissistic abuse route anxiety parent let go painful memory causing miserable positive note really good conversation boyfriend rock sometimes get deflated anxiousness negativity completely appreciate also going start going back therapy get routine know point post lol want someone relate worst week ever -I'm currently working on a game which I hope to put on Kickstarter. I'm not looking for fame and fortune. But I would like for people to like my game and give it high reviews. Problem is that I feel like people can read my mind whenever I think about my game. So I try to keep my thoughts quick and quiet. Forget writing anything down. That's just another way someone can steak my ideas. How do I overcome this?,1,currently working game hope put kickstarter looking fame fortune would like people like game give high review problem feel like people read mind whenever think game try keep thought quick quiet forget writing anything another way someone steak idea overcome -"Hey, - -So I have health anxiety and got blood work done. Results will be posted in a couple weeks I believe. However, lymph nodes are a major cause of my health anxiety. - -Right now I'm concerned with two knots which are in the exact same spot on opposite sides. I barely felt them a few months ago and assumed it was a muscle or tendon since they were literally in the same spot. There is one on each side above my collarbone. Not on my neck but in that little pocket you can create while shrugging. Supraclavicular fossa is the specific name for the location I believe. - -Anyway, I have these soft and moveable lumps on each side. Are they lymph nodes? If so they seem large. Maybe like a quarter in size. Give or take. To be fair, they haven't seem to grow at all since I last felt them which was late last year. No fever, no night sweats, no trouble breathing, etc. I had a cold where I coughed and sneezed a lot a month ago but all symptoms went away. - -Also, you cannot see the two lumps unless I tilt my head to other side, shrug my shoulders, and try to flex my neck a little bit. At that point you can clearly see them. You can most certainly feel them. I have absolutely no clue what the hell they are and why one is on both sides. It doesn't seem to be apart of my anatomy. Seems abnormal. - -Thoughts? Experiences? Suggestions? - -I'll bring it up to my doc. Can't believe I forgot.",1,hey health anxiety got blood work done result posted couple week believe however lymph node major cause health anxiety right concerned two knot exact spot opposite side barely felt month ago assumed muscle tendon since literally spot one side collarbone neck little pocket create shrugging supraclavicular fossa specific name location believe anyway soft moveable lump side lymph node seem large maybe like quarter size give take fair seem grow since last felt late last year fever night sweat trouble breathing etc cold coughed sneezed lot month ago symptom went away also see two lump unless tilt head side shrug shoulder try flex neck little bit point clearly see certainly feel absolutely clue hell one side seem apart anatomy seems abnormal thought experience suggestion bring doc believe forgot -"tbh i just have no one to talk to and really need input atm :/ i have alot of health anxiety and right now i've convinced myself i have a blood clot in my leg and i'm completely freaking out. i dont think theres swelling and my skin color looks the same, but the knee im worried about has red stretch marks on the back and the other side's are colorless, idk if thats new. theres a sharp pain behind my left knee and i'm on birth control & i vape so i took an asprin 81 out of fear. its worth noting i also have autoimmune issues. could this be an actual clot?? what should i do?? am i totally overthinking?? how can i tell??",1,tbh one talk really need input atm alot health anxiety right convinced blood clot leg completely freaking dont think there swelling skin color look knee im worried red stretch mark back side colorless idk thats new there sharp pain behind left knee birth control amp vape took asprin fear worth noting also autoimmune issue could actual clot totally overthinking tell -I am worried that I check my pulse too much and the amount of times if felt my carotid artery I make that have narrowed the artery. I’m not sure if its placebo but I feel pressure in my neck right around that area sometimes.,1,worried check pulse much amount time felt carotid artery make narrowed artery sure placebo feel pressure neck right around area sometimes -,1,nan -"When I was younger, my mom would get me for 1 month out of every summer as written out in the divorce papers. During this month, I was hardly allowed to shower or brush my teeth and I often got in trouble for asking repeatedly for food or saying that I was hungry. I wasn't allowed to make friends in my mom's apartment complex and I was never allowed to go outside unless my mom was taking me to get food or we were doing her Shopkick stuff. I was forced to drink coffee even though I didn't like it at the time and she'd smoke in the apartment without opening a window from time to time. - -As you guys can probably imagine, I hated it there and I would become very unhealthy. My mom would keep me up all night and refuse to let me go to sleep until like 6am. I'd pray for her to leave the apartment to go to the gas station for ciggarretts so that I could at least brush my teeth and chug down some water (I wasn't allowed to drink water either because my mom didn't like it and she didn't want me drinking the tap water. I was only allowed to drink soda.). I'd wait for her to fall asleep on the couch and try to sneak off to bed and finally get some sleep. Sometimes she'd wake up while I was sneaking and I'd play it off as I was going to the bathroom. I was always deathly afraid of making her mad because she'd emotionally berate me or go overboard with the belt. I was also always afraid of getting caught for brushing my teeth or showering or going to sleep. - -I was ok for the most part when I'd live with my dad. I was usually irritable for the next few weeks while I'd readjust. But now I'm a sophmore in college and I'm finding myself becoming more and more introverted and having more anxiety with less control over my emotions. I am also doing the same exact things that I'd do when I was with my mom for that month. Eating no more than once a day, not sleeping, staying up all night watching tv, not taking showers, not getting up to drink water, not going outside, and not talking to people. And it's not for lack of wanting to do these things. - -I've also seemingly developed a skin picking disorder where I pick my acne, pick my bottom lip until it's completely covered in blood and my lip is raw and slightly swollen, and pick my cuticles to the point of crying when I put my hands under running water. I've noticed that when I'm picking at my skin, I'm thinking about how much I want to take a shower, go to sleep, eat food, or drink water. - -I have no idea why I'm anxious about those things again. I'm living with my boyfriend who encourages me to be healthy and is the complete opposite of my mom. He's perfect. All I know is that I need it to stop before my skin picking and/or my introversion becomes so severe I can't come back to it. I can't even go to the store by myself right now and I was very independent my freshman year of college. - -I'm sorry for this being so long, but if anyone has any ideas or advice that can help me get to the bottom of whatever is triggering me to feel this way again, please comment below. Ask any additional questions if you need to. I would greatly appreciate it.",1,younger mom would get month every summer written divorce paper month hardly allowed shower brush teeth often got trouble asking repeatedly food saying hungry allowed make friend mom apartment complex never allowed go outside unless mom taking get food shopkick stuff forced drink coffee even though like time smoke apartment without opening window time time guy probably imagine hated would become unhealthy mom would keep night refuse let go sleep like pray leave apartment go gas station ciggarretts could least brush teeth chug water allowed drink water either mom like want drinking tap water allowed drink soda wait fall asleep couch try sneak bed finally get sleep sometimes wake sneaking play going bathroom always deathly afraid making mad emotionally berate go overboard belt also always afraid getting caught brushing teeth showering going sleep ok part live dad usually irritable next week readjust sophmore college finding becoming introverted anxiety le control emotion also exact thing mom month eating day sleeping staying night watching tv taking shower getting drink water going outside talking people lack wanting thing also seemingly developed skin picking disorder pick acne pick bottom lip completely covered blood lip raw slightly swollen pick cuticle point cry put hand running water noticed picking skin thinking much want take shower go sleep eat food drink water idea anxious thing living boyfriend encourages healthy complete opposite mom perfect know need stop skin picking introversion becomes severe come back even go store right independent freshman year college sorry long anyone idea advice help get bottom whatever triggering feel way please comment ask additional question need would greatly appreciate -"I have been suffering from an eating disorder (anorexia/anorexia nervosa) since I was 5yo; I’m in my early 20s now. About a month ago, I had an issue with my chinese takeout that heighten not only my ED, but my anxiety levels too. I constantly fear that everything I eat will cause stomach aches or make me sick, so I’m cautious to eat ANYTHING anymore. I have slowly been on the road to recovery with my ED, so this made me take 5 steps back rather than moving forward. - -It has also caused me to lose sleep at night and when I do end up sleeping, I wake up with awful anxiety. My anxiety has been overwhelming because a day does not go by where I’m not excessively panicking; I can’t even go out of my house without breaking down. It is so bad that I only ever feel safe in my own room. - -I feel like I’m trapped in this on-going cycle with no kind of exit. I am desperate to find a solution to my problem, but therapy has not worked for me nor medication. I have no idea what I need to do to better my food anxiety and general anxiety. I do my absolute best to not think about it all of my issues, but it’s so damn hard when my body says otherwise. Has anyone suffered from this? Did you find anything that helped alleviate your anxiety or ED? Any helpful advice is welcome!",1,suffering eating disorder anorexia anorexia nervosa since yo early 0 month ago issue chinese takeout heighten ed anxiety level constantly fear everything eat cause stomach ache make sick cautious eat anything anymore slowly road recovery ed made take step back rather moving forward also caused lose sleep night end sleeping wake awful anxiety anxiety overwhelming day go excessively panicking even go house without breaking bad ever feel safe room feel like trapped going cycle kind exit desperate find solution problem therapy worked medication idea need better food anxiety general anxiety absolute best think issue damn hard body say otherwise anyone suffered find anything helped alleviate anxiety ed helpful advice welcome -so i’ve been taking mirtazapine for 3 years for my depression/sleep problems. my doctor also prescribed me hydroxyzine for when i’m feeling anxious/panicky. i just took a hydroxyzine and now i have to take a mirtazapine before i try and lay down… is this harmful? can i take these two pills at the same time? please help!,1,taking mirtazapine year depression sleep problem doctor also prescribed hydroxyzine feeling anxious panicky took hydroxyzine take mirtazapine try lay harmful take two pill time please help -Hi! I was diagnosed with GAD + panic disorder about 10 years ago and I’ve tried multiple different SSRIs/benzos. I’m currently on Xanax but I’ve been extremely anxious lately and my doctor wanted me to try gabapentin 1-3x a day. Has anyone had any success switching over from a benzo to gaba? Or any experience with it at all? TIA!,1,hi diagnosed gad panic disorder 0 year ago tried multiple different ssri benzos currently xanax extremely anxious lately doctor wanted try gabapentin x day anyone success switching benzo gaba experience tia -In certain classes I constantly have sweaty palms. I sweat and blush extremely easily. I’d like to be able to “fake it till I make it” so to say but you can’t really act confident when your face is as red as a tomato,1,certain class constantly sweaty palm sweat blush extremely easily like able fake till make say really act confident face red tomato -,1,nan -"I’m quite a nervous talker anyway, I’m not toooo bad if it’s close friends or my mum but co-workers and strangers (like supermarket workers or customers) I stutter quite a lot but like… Today, I’ve had to work at a really busy pub (I do mainly cleaning there alongside my main job, I used to work at the pub full time but now I just help them out) and I feel mentally numb (it has been especially busy today because of a big town-wide event, we even had to have staff from other pubs help, being a chain of pubs). I also wanted to be sick and cry a couple of times and it’s just from the sheer amount of people and the amount of contact I have to have with some people. - -I’ve been invited out to watch a game tonight (I enjoy watching rugby) and I’m still in two minds whether I can face going.",1,quite nervous talker anyway toooo bad close friend mum co worker stranger like supermarket worker customer stutter quite lot like today work really busy pub mainly cleaning alongside main job used work pub full time help feel mentally numb especially busy today big town wide event even staff pub help chain pub also wanted sick cry couple time sheer amount people amount contact people invited watch game tonight enjoy watching rugby still two mind whether face going -"Well we unfortunately have mice and been trapping a few but I dropped my phone where the mice have been tho no mouse shit.... then I remembered no Lysol wipes... - -I mean, I’m good right? Not gonna transfer anything lol? Like IDK I also smoke and worried about germ transfer??",1,well unfortunately mouse trapping dropped phone mouse tho mouse shit remembered lysol wipe mean good right gon na transfer anything lol like idk also smoke worried germ transfer -"I saw a new PCP for an annual physical and while I was there figured I’d mention some of the physical symptoms of anxiety I was having to make sure it was not actually medical. - -I told her it often feels like my throat is really tight and on the verge of closing. - -Her only reply as she rolls her eyes- “that is literally impossible. if your throat was closing you wouldn’t be talking to me right now”. - -Me- “[no duh] obviously not but it *feels* like it’s closing…. - -She was the worst doctor I’ve ever seen which is saying a lot and I was so mad walking out of that appointment for other reasons as well but the day after as my throat was tightening I just remembered her saying it’s “literally impossible” and couldn’t stop laughing.",1,saw new pcp annual physical figured mention physical symptom anxiety make sure actually medical told often feel like throat really tight verge closing reply roll eye literally impossible throat closing talking right duh obviously feel like closing worst doctor ever seen saying lot mad walking appointment reason well day throat tightening remembered saying literally impossible stop laughing -"Long rant from a person with a diagnosed anxiety disorder. Tl;dr at the bottom! - -Got yelled at by my boss today. It’s my first week working here. Someone ordered room service. He said his food was cold, so I returned to the kitchen to ask for another dish to be made and I’d hand deliver it myself so it would be piping hot. I wanted to prevent this becoming a complaint so wanted to deal with it quickly. - -Returned to the kitchen, manager was sorting out further orders with two other members of staff, he was in a hurry to leave so needed the orders out. He started barking, and I mean barking orders at me, and I said “one sec, just going to ask the chef to-“ got interrupted. Got told he “didn’t give a flying fuck”, that “it could wait another hour”, and that I was being the “worst employee” he had “ever had” as I was being “argumentative”, even though I never responded to him after my initial sentence of “wait a sec”. - -Bear in mind, he’s lost two members of staff since I started two weeks ago, due to them finding work elsewhere, and all I was trying to do was keep up customer satisfaction. Said resident left a negative review on the hotel website saying that a “nice girl” (me) had respectfully answered his complaint, but upon phoning down to add something to his meal, the manager told him that he would have to wait and he didn’t care if the resident left a bad review and encouraged him to do so. And when I finally came up with his food, he apologised profusely. He said from the attitude he got on the phone that he believes he got me in trouble, and that he was really sorry, so in his review he wrote that I was nice, and the manager was off putting and rude. Another employee stated that he told the resident he didn’t give a fuck and had better things to do with his time than chase after lazy people who couldn’t come down to the restaurant for their dinner. - -I never specified what happened to the resident and simply denied that I had gotten into trouble. I just apologised for the long wait, said everything was fine, the kitchen was just backed up and left. Anyways, I get paid minimum wage to not get my breaks. Minimum wage to get yelled at and told “if I don’t get my breaks then you don’t either” isn’t fair. Especially considering I’d been there for 8 hours already and he had been there for 20 minutes and was leaving in an hour. This entire incident resulted in me suppressing a panic attack for the remaining 4 hours of my shift so when I left the building, I broke down in tears and my mom had to pick me up off the ground. Don’t suppress panic attacks people. It’ll come back around. - -Honestly just not cut out for this. My anxiety makes me overthink things so I can’t even tell whether there is anything I could’ve done differently here. I just want to cry and I have work again in a few hours and he’s going to be there and I’m just upset. I’m never going to get rid of my anxiety disorder. He just kindly reminds me every day. - -Tl;dr: Got yelled at by my manager for trying to prevent an issue becoming a complaint, it became one because of him and I got blamed for it. Get paid minimum wage, work long hours and get no breaks. Can’t quit because I’m already a disappointment.",1,long rant person diagnosed anxiety disorder tl dr bottom got yelled bos today first week working someone ordered room service said food cold returned kitchen ask another dish made hand deliver would piping hot wanted prevent becoming complaint wanted deal quickly returned kitchen manager sorting order two member staff hurry leave needed order started barking mean barking order said one sec going ask chef got interrupted got told give flying fuck could wait another hour worst employee ever argumentative even though never responded initial sentence wait sec bear mind lost two member staff since started two week ago due finding work elsewhere trying keep customer satisfaction said resident left negative review hotel website saying nice girl respectfully answered complaint upon phoning add something meal manager told would wait care resident left bad review encouraged finally came food apologised profusely said attitude got phone belief got trouble really sorry review wrote nice manager putting rude another employee stated told resident give fuck better thing time chase lazy people come restaurant dinner never specified happened resident simply denied gotten trouble apologised long wait said everything fine kitchen backed left anyways get paid minimum wage get break minimum wage get yelled told get break either fair especially considering hour already 0 minute leaving hour entire incident resulted suppressing panic attack remaining hour shift left building broke tear mom pick ground suppress panic attack people come back around honestly cut anxiety make overthink thing even tell whether anything could done differently want cry work hour going upset never going get rid anxiety disorder kindly reminds every day tl dr got yelled manager trying prevent issue becoming complaint became one got blamed get paid minimum wage work long hour get break quit already disappointment -,1,nan -"I am on 20 mg of trintellix, 10 mg of buspar twice a day and 50 mg of trazadone and after doing some research this combo might give me serotonin syndrome and trintellix interacts with trazadone so idk if he’s tryna kill me or he doesn’t know what he’s doing or if i’m just over reacting lmao",1,0 mg trintellix 0 mg buspar twice day 0 mg trazadone research combo might give serotonin syndrome trintellix interacts trazadone idk tryna kill know reacting lmao -"A lot of posts and answers here are about health anxiety, which I don’t have, or social anxiety which I do have but isn’t the problem most of the time. - -I’ve had really bad anxiety for as long as I can remember and it’s only starting to get better now that i’ve been taking antidepressants for about a month. - -But I just don’t understand where the anxiety is coming from and even what it is about. I don’t know what I’m afraid of, I couldn’t tell you what i’m stressed out about. - -Recently my therapist told me my anxiety comes from an obsessive disorder, but not like ocd, he explained it was only mental. But I still don’t get it. - -So I guess my question is, does anybody else here have that kind of anxiety and could you explain it to me? It just drives me crazy to have my life ruined by something that doesn’t make any sense.",1,lot post answer health anxiety social anxiety problem time really bad anxiety long remember starting get better taking antidepressant month understand anxiety coming even know afraid tell stressed recently therapist told anxiety come obsessive disorder like ocd explained mental still get guess question anybody else kind anxiety could explain drive crazy life ruined something make sense -"For starters I've suffered from OCD my entire life, things such as having to touch things with both hands in the same spot, counting, making sure the volume is on even numbers, hair pulling, etc, etc - -I've never had the physical side effects of anxiety though (from what I understand ocd is classified as an anxiety disorder). - -Two months ago I had my first ever panic attack after smoking too much weed and my life has been hell ever since, it was the first time I've experienced ""panic"" such as the burning in the chest, the sinking feeling in the stomach, the FEAR that something is wrong. The problem is that ever since that panic attack started, I've been stuck in a state of panic and my brain is doing it obsessively, constantly using the panic neural pathway in the brain (this is what I figured and how my psychiatrist explained it also). - -So I've basically been stuck in a never ending panic attack for two months and it has ruined my physical and mental health, I have a rush of adrenaline and sinking feeling in my stomach every 15 seconds for NO reason at all, my brain is just very obsessive an it keeps activating the panic button. I can't control it either, it won't stop no matter what I do. My mouth is always dry and I feel on edge and over stimulated 24/7. My joints hurt all the time and the worst thing is my ability to heal has been drastically shut down, my joints and muscles don't heal from wear and tear anymore so I've been bed ridden. - -I've tried SSRIs, benzos, antipsychotics, etc, and NOTHING has helped at all, some things may help me cope and deal with it better but nothing stops my brain from constantly panicking. I've been looking into assisted ways to end my life as I can't imagine the rest of my life being in a permanent panic attack, this is no way to live. - -Anyways, I need to know if anyone has dealt with something similar and if there's any way for me to get out of constant fight or flight, thank you. - -TLDR; my brain learned how to panic and it's obsessively hitting the panic button for no reason.",1,starter suffered ocd entire life thing touch thing hand spot counting making sure volume even number hair pulling etc etc never physical side effect anxiety though understand ocd classified anxiety disorder two month ago first ever panic attack smoking much weed life hell ever since first time experienced panic burning chest sinking feeling stomach fear something wrong problem ever since panic attack started stuck state panic brain obsessively constantly using panic neural pathway brain figured psychiatrist explained also basically stuck never ending panic attack two month ruined physical mental health rush adrenaline sinking feeling stomach every second reason brain obsessive keep activating panic button control either stop matter mouth always dry feel edge stimulated joint hurt time worst thing ability heal drastically shut joint muscle heal wear tear anymore bed ridden tried ssri benzos antipsychotic etc nothing helped thing may help cope deal better nothing stop brain constantly panicking looking assisted way end life imagine rest life permanent panic attack way live anyways need know anyone dealt something similar way get constant fight flight thank tldr brain learned panic obsessively hitting panic button reason -"21m 21f we are currently dating for like 2 months ...i mean we had sex 3 timesim sure that i do love her a lot and she does to. but i don't want to get in a relationship now! cuz i have trust issues :( its not about her i swear to god but i mean i dont want to think of her in a bad way, i dont want to think that she is sleeping with a random dude.. at this moment i think she is cheating on me for no reason :D even though we are not in a relationship and we didn't talk about it ,, actually i am just jealous or have trust issues and i dont want to to make her days bad . i want her to feel happy but am not sure about her,,, i mean i had the thought that she is playing with me , at the same time i feel like she rly loves me .. and of-course i didnt say that to her, cuz i am her friend or her lover i meant i don't think that is ok to say that when you're not in a relationship even if we were together i wont say that or think of her like that - with how to deal with that ? how to make it works ?",1,f currently dating like month mean sex timesim sure love lot want get relationship cuz trust issue swear god mean dont want think bad way dont want think sleeping random dude moment think cheating reason even though relationship talk actually jealous trust issue dont want make day bad want feel happy sure mean thought playing time feel like rly love course didnt say cuz friend lover meant think ok say relationship even together wont say think like deal make work -"I am the definition of a failure. - -I have mental diagnoses no job or education - -Have money problems and poor health due to all the stress of life. - -I have no idea at all how I can change my life so I become one quite normal person with normal success in life - -Im 30 and feel so behind in life.",1,definition failure mental diagnosis job education money problem poor health due stress life idea change life become one quite normal person normal success life im 0 feel behind life -"so last night i was up for 33 hours trying to reset my sleep schedule since i had been going to sleep around 4 am and waking up around 2 pm. i still wasn’t that tired last night around 10 pm so i smoked some weed as i usually do every night. i started hallucinating while making my bed, seeing hands grab for me when i tucked the blanket it. i tried to convince myself it wasn’t real but i was really freaking out. so i went up stairs and tried to just chill and find something to eat. at this point my mind is racing and i can’t think straight and i’m wondering what is wrong with me and that’s when i realized my heart was racing, like beating out of my chest. I quickly pulled out my stopwatch to take my pulse because lately when i get anxious my heart rate gets to about 160. My whole body is shaking and i’m trying to count every beat for 15 seconds but i got to 13 seconds and my count was already at 50. The stopwatch on my phone looked like it glitched and my knees went weak. i thought i was going to pass out so i freaked out and ran to my dad for him to take my pulse just in case i was just buggin and just thought my heart rate was crazy. Nope. It was resting at 188 as i laid in my dads bed for about 10 minutes, shaking and crying. i couldn’t even get my breathing under control because i was shaking so bad i couldn’t voluntarily move. Needless to say, i’m going back on anxiety meds, sleeping more, and never smoking weed again. and i’m gonna start seeing a cardiologist…",1,last night hour trying reset sleep schedule since going sleep around waking around pm still tired last night around 0 pm smoked weed usually every night started hallucinating making bed seeing hand grab tucked blanket tried convince real really freaking went stair tried chill find something eat point mind racing think straight wondering wrong realized heart racing like beating chest quickly pulled stopwatch take pulse lately get anxious heart rate get 0 whole body shaking trying count every beat second got second count already 0 stopwatch phone looked like glitched knee went weak thought going pas freaked ran dad take pulse case buggin thought heart rate crazy nope resting laid dad bed 0 minute shaking cry even get breathing control shaking bad voluntarily move needle say going back anxiety med sleeping never smoking weed gon na start seeing cardiologist -"so yesterday I had plans to go skating with a friend, and we drive there, everything is good, and we’re sitting in the car waiting to go in. All of the sudden, the overwhelming urge to cry just comes over me, and I start sobbing. Two seconds prior, I was laughing, totally fine. It took me a half an hour to be able to go inside. Luckily my friend is amazing and super understanding, but what should I do in that situation? Any tips at all on how to control myself would be much appreciated.",1,yesterday plan go skating friend drive everything good sitting car waiting go sudden overwhelming urge cry come start sobbing two second prior laughing totally fine took half hour able go inside luckily friend amazing super understanding situation tip control would much appreciated -"My anxiety manifests itself in many ways, and this is one form of it. -I would stand in front of the mirror and just feel like guilty for not being better, not contributing more, not being more positive, not being a better friend. When in reality I do those things. Anyone else relate to this feeling?",1,anxiety manifest many way one form would stand front mirror feel like guilty better contributing positive better friend reality thing anyone else relate feeling -"I have a constant paranoia of having rabies. Normally, I can distract myself and just not think about it, but if I get reminded of it I'm worrying about having it 24/7. I don't think I've ever bitten by a wild animal and definitely not one that had rabies. Plus, my country hasn't had a rabies case in 2-3 years, the last one being a dead fox found in the woods. I have no idea why I keep worrying about it, but I do and I keep wondering whether it's related to anxiety, or something else.",1,constant paranoia rabies normally distract think get reminded worrying think ever bitten wild animal definitely one rabies plus country rabies case year last one dead fox found wood idea keep worrying keep wondering whether related anxiety something else -,1,nan -"For the past month I've been ill and every ER, urgent care, and pediatrician says that nothing is wrong with me. After several trips to my school psychologist because of anxiety, I've deduced that these are probably long covid symptoms. Cool, I guess. Since the Monday before last I've been waking up with headaches that don't go away. I immediately started getting anxious and started researching my symptoms. Immediately Google says it's brain cancer. Great. I'm 16 and all I've been thinking about since this started was how I'm going to die soon. They've checked all the problem areas except in my head. I want to get an MRI but the oncoming medical bills are looming over my head. I'm also scared of the results. On one hand I could have a tumor/cancer that might kill me and on the other hand I could be wasting everyone's time. My pediatrician sucks and will probably just say it's anxiety which is probably the secondary issue not the primary one. I'm just so tired and so scared. I feel like I have no one to talk to and it's consuming my life.",1,past month ill every er urgent care pediatrician say nothing wrong several trip school psychologist anxiety deduced probably long covid symptom cool guess since monday last waking headache go away immediately started getting anxious started researching symptom immediately google say brain cancer great thinking since started going die soon checked problem area except head want get mri oncoming medical bill looming head also scared result one hand could tumor cancer might kill hand could wasting everyone time pediatrician suck probably say anxiety probably secondary issue primary one tired scared feel like one talk consuming life -,1,nan -"We are going to see them the day after tomorrow. And I'm already anxious. - -I think I have adhd. I show significant symptoms, but silenced by my social anxiety disorder (SAD). -I didn't tell my parents that i might have adhd, because they might have freaked out (?) or definitely told me that its happening because i keep thinking about ""having those symptoms"" and don't try to focus blah blah blah and stuff... - -But what makes me really anxious is ,, what if i don't really have ADHD or any kind of atypical issue, and doctor says that I'm perfectly normal?? Becus then that would suck,, because if this happens I'd be the only one to blame for not trying enough and whining about my problems. - -And also, what if i don't really have problem but still get over-diagnosed with adhd, and get amphetamine prescription (?). I have learnt that its highly addictive and famous psychoactive drug that has many side effects. I'm 18 y/o and a student. What if the med fucks me up even more than my current situation? - -My academic life has already fallen apart. But i can forget and restart by getting an admit in college (even tho it won't be my desired college,) but atleast I'll be starting somewhere. - -If i get affected by wrong meds, it might get more difficult for me to manage my behaviour and its side effects. - -My parents made this decision like 2-3 hours ago and I'm already overthinking to this extent. - -PLEASE HELP",1,going see day tomorrow already anxious think adhd show significant symptom silenced social anxiety disorder sad tell parent might adhd might freaked definitely told happening keep thinking symptom try focus blah blah blah stuff make really anxious really adhd kind atypical issue doctor say perfectly normal becus would suck happens one blame trying enough whining problem also really problem still get diagnosed adhd get amphetamine prescription learnt highly addictive famous psychoactive drug many side effect student med fuck even current situation academic life already fallen apart forget restart getting admit college even tho desired college atleast starting somewhere get affected wrong med might get difficult manage behaviour side effect parent made decision like hour ago already overthinking extent please help -I just fucking hate myself. The thing is that i just recently got to the point where everytime i look into the mirror i just like get so anxious so fast like idk anymore. All these negative feelings flood me when i see myself. I just wish i was better at everything and i look fucking disgusting and i know everyone around me is just thinking that. I cant even eat and sit or sleep somewhere without fearing people judge me. also im afraid of getting fat cause it would ruin my image even further. The voice in my head wants me to stop eating. I just cant anymore. I wanna kms.,1,fucking hate thing recently got point everytime look mirror like get anxious fast like idk anymore negative feeling flood see wish better everything look fucking disgusting know everyone around thinking cant even eat sit sleep somewhere without fearing people judge also im afraid getting fat cause would ruin image even voice head want stop eating cant anymore wan na km -" - -Did I give myself ERP years ago?? - -I think I did... when I was 18 I had a pretty bad fear of gay stuff lol, which lasted for maybe 4-6 months IDK. I remember I eventually agreed with my thoughts and I got over the obsession. - - -I had a harm obsession a few years ago and I remember I eventually agreed with my thoughts there too “I’m going crazy!” and the thoughts eventually stopped bothering me.... - -Maybe I can do it again? Lol",1,give erp year ago think pretty bad fear gay stuff lol lasted maybe month idk remember eventually agreed thought got obsession harm obsession year ago remember eventually agreed thought going crazy thought eventually stopped bothering maybe lol -"I'm trying to think of the last time I was genuinely bored. I stay at home a lot but whenever I'm not doing something (and even when I'm doing something) I'm fighting against my anxiety mentally and physically. I almost can't remember the feeling of being totally neutral and looking for something to do, just because. Almost everything I do is to reduce the feelings and effects of anxiety on my body. If I watch TV? It's to try and distract myself from the heart palpitations and other fun things and to reduce anxiety. Eat? Because I know if I don't I'll feel more anxious. Eat junk food? Because I'm trying to push through the anxious feelings telling me if I eat junk food I'll get sick or die. Post online or socialise? Because again I'm trying to push through the feelings of anxiety I get from posting online or socialising. My life is anxiety management, either trying to reduce anxiety or expose myself to things that make me anxious (which feels like everything) to try and reduce anxiety long-term. - -Oh how I envy people who are just ""bored"".",1,trying think last time genuinely bored stay home lot whenever something even something fighting anxiety mentally physically almost remember feeling totally neutral looking something almost everything reduce feeling effect anxiety body watch tv try distract heart palpitation fun thing reduce anxiety eat know feel anxious eat junk food trying push anxious feeling telling eat junk food get sick die post online socialise trying push feeling anxiety get posting online socialising life anxiety management either trying reduce anxiety expose thing make anxious feel like everything try reduce anxiety long term oh envy people bored -"Does anyone else feel the overwhelming urge to sink to the floor when their anxiety gets bad? Like you just want to make yourself as small as possible. Because this has been happening a lot to me lately. I get an anxiety attack and I just want to sit as low as I can. Usually I’m in a public space, so I don’t give into the urge to just sit on the public ground. But when I get home, it’s the first thing I do to make myself feel better. I don’t know if that makes but I figured I’d put it out there.",1,anyone else feel overwhelming urge sink floor anxiety get bad like want make small possible happening lot lately get anxiety attack want sit low usually public space give urge sit public ground get home first thing make feel better know make figured put -"This has become a coping strategy for me. I always did it to some extent (I had many other OCD tendencies as a teen but those went away pretty quickly after I tried to stop them), but I’ve become so anxious lately that I’m starting to scar my face. I know it’s gross, so please don’t hate on me. Just wondering if this is something that anyone else with anxiety experiences. Thank you!",1,become coping strategy always extent many ocd tendency teen went away pretty quickly tried stop become anxious lately starting scar face know gross please hate wondering something anyone else anxiety experience thank -"Can anybody help with this. I have a short 5 minute presentation next week infront of about 15 people over teams I know it dosent sound bad but my anxiety has gotten the better of me already. Dreading it and now starting to think of excuses to miss it. Also debating diazepam before it to help, which I know isn’t the smartest idea but lost with stuff to help.",1,anybody help short minute presentation next week infront people team know dosent sound bad anxiety gotten better already dreading starting think excuse miss also debating diazepam help know smartest idea lost stuff help -"26M. started Prozac 2 weeks ago. OCD and health anxiety. Over the past year have had 100+ doctor appointments and tests in several countries. Nothing significant found. - -Panic attack resurfaced yesterday. No cardiac cause yet high blood pressure and crunching/gurgling in chest. - -HOW can I learn to accept that the cause of this is anxiety? And not some missing undiagnosed rare issue, side effect, underlying problem, nutrient deficiency, electrolyte imbalance, food sensitivity, or supplementation fix? - -How does someone make that real shift?",1,started prozac week ago ocd health anxiety past year 00 doctor appointment test several country nothing significant found panic attack resurfaced yesterday cardiac cause yet high blood pressure crunching gurgling chest learn accept cause anxiety missing undiagnosed rare issue side effect underlying problem nutrient deficiency electrolyte imbalance food sensitivity supplementation fix someone make real shift -"So unfortunately as the title says I have bad relationship anxiety and anxiety in general although it can come and go. My girlfriend went out a couple of nights ago and although I trust her, my anxiety works up and my head believes that she is cheating. She does not have a clue I think this way nor does it effect our relationship, but I've the shakes all day and feel exhausted after my mind racing and playing tricks on me. - -How can I stop this :(",1,unfortunately title say bad relationship anxiety anxiety general although come go girlfriend went couple night ago although trust anxiety work head belief cheating clue think way effect relationship shake day feel exhausted mind racing playing trick stop -"hey im 21 years old and ive recently been diagnosed with severe anxiety after ive been struggling with it my entire life. i take my meds when i need them only which might be bad and i also started therapy n its been helpful. anyways ive been struggling with death anxiety for a while, every once in a while ill somehow convince myself that its my last day/ week on earth n that i need to say goodbye to everyone n that this will be the last time im doing this or that etc.. its so bad to the point where i cant really get out of bed for days bc im scared of death. whenever i have plans i keep thinking about all the bad things that can happen to me so i cancel. im scared of flying or driving or anything that can put me in danger. tmw im going on a hiking trip n im terrified that its gonna go badly. does anyone have advice on how to deal with this bc i dont want it to stop me from living my life. ive been struggling with it ever since i was a child and i need it to get less intense asap. ty :)",1,hey im year old ive recently diagnosed severe anxiety ive struggling entire life take med need might bad also started therapy n helpful anyways ive struggling death anxiety every ill somehow convince last day week earth n need say goodbye everyone n last time im etc bad point cant really get bed day bc im scared death whenever plan keep thinking bad thing happen cancel im scared flying driving anything put danger tmw im going hiking trip n im terrified gon na go badly anyone advice deal bc dont want stop living life ive struggling ever since child need get le intense asap ty -"I’m (26f) currently on a work trip with a few of my coworkers, most of whom I’ve known for years, but haven’t seen in person since covid started. I’m decently close with one person in particular and the rest I just have a normal professional relationship with. - -Last night everyone went out to celebrate a big milestone during the trip and had a great time. I was definitely pretty drunk by the end of the night and getting home is a little hazy, but I woke up with good memories of the night before and wasn’t concerned that anything had happened. - -Anyways, no one had texted me this morning and I wasn’t sure what the plan for the day was so I reached out to the coworker I’m closer with and asked what she was up to. She said she was going to breakfast with another person on the trip and that I could come, which I agreed to, but then she texted and said they were actually leaving right now for breakfast and that we could meet up later. This seemed odd to me since we’re all in the same hotel and I could have been ready to head out whenever, but it felt like she didn’t want me to come? - -I think I’m reading into it a bit too much but now I’m freaking out worried that I did something wrong last night and that’s the reason I’m not being invited along today. I don’t really have a track record of doing things out of character while drunk though so I’m just really confused and anxious. - -TLDR; Got drunk with coworkers who I haven’t seen in a while and now it feels like no one wants to hang out with me",1,f currently work trip coworkers known year seen person since covid started decently close one person particular rest normal professional relationship last night everyone went celebrate big milestone trip great time definitely pretty drunk end night getting home little hazy woke good memory night concerned anything happened anyways one texted morning sure plan day reached coworker closer asked said going breakfast another person trip could come agreed texted said actually leaving right breakfast could meet later seemed odd since hotel could ready head whenever felt like want come think reading bit much freaking worried something wrong last night reason invited along today really track record thing character drunk though really confused anxious tldr got drunk coworkers seen feel like one want hang -"First off, I'm not saying being gay is bad. - -Few days ago I got a random intrusive thought, ""what if I'm gay?"" and it got me anxiety for this couple of days now. I tried to look at handsome men, I felt maybe admiration of their looks and wanted to be like them or false attraction with guilt, disgusted, and felt bad. This intrusive thoughts made me doubt my sexuality and if I really am attracted to women. - -I tried watching gay porn if I get turnedon, I didn't and I felt disgusted and weirded out(no offense) - -I tried to watch women masturbating and it turned me on instantly. - -I am really scared to be gay because I want to have a wife and 2 children when i grow up. - -Am I overreacting? Am I straight? Or gay? - -English is not my first language.",1,first saying gay bad day ago got random intrusive thought gay got anxiety couple day tried look handsome men felt maybe admiration look wanted like false attraction guilt disgusted felt bad intrusive thought made doubt sexuality really attracted woman tried watching gay porn get turnedon felt disgusted weirded offense tried watch woman masturbating turned instantly really scared gay want wife child grow overreacting straight gay english first language -"lately i've been having panic attacks everywhere... i went out to get drinks with my partner and ended up crying in the bathroom. yesterday we were with his friends and i had to excuse myself to sit outside and collect myself. the list goes on.... there never seems to even be anything that sets me off, but once it happens i can barely speak without tearing up. it's so exhausting. i don't want to have to hide from people/places forever...",1,lately panic attack everywhere went get drink partner ended cry bathroom yesterday friend excuse sit outside collect list go never seems even anything set happens barely speak without tearing exhausting want hide people place forever -"I have been on Prozac since maybe September last year. Before Prozac, I was on lexapro. And I was given the highest dose of that and it worked at first and then my anxiety started up really bad again out of nowhere. So I was switched to Prozac. And honestly I don’t feel like I’ve noticed a difference. Especially recently. I’ve been getting bad anxiety attacks that have worsened the past couple months. I haven’t had attacks this bad in months. It’s honestly the worst. - -Has anyone else experienced this? Where it feels like nothing is helping your anxiety? -I just want to be better. My mind feels like a mental prison. -Also, does anyone have any tips or tricks that have helped calm them during an anxiety attack?",1,prozac since maybe september last year prozac lexapro given highest dose worked first anxiety started really bad nowhere switched prozac honestly feel like noticed difference especially recently getting bad anxiety attack worsened past couple month attack bad month honestly worst anyone else experienced feel like nothing helping anxiety want better mind feel like mental prison also anyone tip trick helped calm anxiety attack -"I’ve been having some sleepless nights lately with some racing thoughts. I cry everyday because i fear I might have bipolar or schizophrenia. The fear use to be that I had a heart problem, stroke, brain cancer etc. Now I worry so much that I might be going crazy. I have a constant ear worm and an inability to sleep. Please help/ pray for me",1,sleepless night lately racing thought cry everyday fear might bipolar schizophrenia fear use heart problem stroke brain cancer etc worry much might going crazy constant ear worm inability sleep please help pray -"After a year of unemployment I got positive news yesterday that I got the job! It's the perfect position for me and it will be really interesting to start. - -But as usual I can't be happy when I'm supposed to be. Since the congratulations call I have been spiraling a bit, heart raising, intrusive thoughts. It's always the same thing.",1,year unemployment got positive news yesterday got job perfect position really interesting start usual happy supposed since congratulation call spiraling bit heart raising intrusive thought always thing -,1,nan -"We've been seeing a worrying increase in pro-suicide content showing up here and, and also going unreported. This undermines our purpose here, so we wanted to highlight and clarify our guidelines about both direct and indirect incitement of suicide. - -We've created a wiki that covers these issues. We hope this will be helpful to anyone who's wondering whether something's okay here and which responses to report. It explains in detail why *any* validation of suicidal intent, even an ""innocent"" message like ""if you're 100% committed, I'll just wish you peace"" is likely to increase people's pain, and why it's important to report even subtle pro-suicide comments. The full text of the wiki's current version is below, and it is maintained at [/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement](http://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement). - -We deeply appreciate everyone who gives responsive, empathetic, non-judgemental support to our OPs, and we particularly thank everyone who's already been reporting incitement in all forms. - -Please report any post or comment that encourages suicide (or that breaks any of the other guidelines in the sidebar) to the moderators, either by clicking the ""report"" button or by [sending us a modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FSuicideWatch) with a link. We deal with all guideline violations that are reported to us as soon as we can, but we can't read everything so community reports are essential. If you get a PM that breaks the guidelines, please report it both [to the reddit sitewide admins](http://www.reddit.com/report) and to us in modmail. - -Thanks to all the great citizens of the community who help flag problem content and behaviour for us. - - - -****** -***[/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement](http://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement)*** -******* - -###Summary### - -**It's important to respect and understand people's experiences and emotions. It's never necessary, helpful, or kind to support suicidal intent. There are some common misconceptions (discussed below) about suicidal people and how to help them that can cause well-meaning people to inadvertently incite suicide. There are also people online who incite suicide on purpose, often while pretending to be sympathetic and helpful.** - -###Validate Feelings and Experiences, Not Self-Destructive Intentions### - -We're here to offer support, not judgement. That means accepting, with the best understanding we can offer, whatever emotions people express. Suicidal people are suffering, and we're here to try to ease that by providing support and caring. The most reliable way we know to de-escalate someone at risk is to give them the experience of feeling understood. That means not judging whether they should be feeling the way they are, or telling them what to do or not do. - -But there's an important line to draw here. There's a crucial difference between empathizing with feelings and responding non-judgmentally to suicidal thoughts, and in any way endorsing, encouraging, or validating suicidal intentions or hopeless beliefs. **It's both possible and important to convey understanding and compassion for someone's suicidal thoughts without putting your finger on the scale of their decision.** - -Anything that condones suicide, even passively, *encourages* suicide. It isn't supportive and does not help. It also violates reddit's sitewide rules as well as our guidelines. Explicitly inciting suicide online is a criminal offense in most jurisdictions. - -Do not treat any OP's post as meaning that will definitely die by suicide and can't change their minds or be helped. Anyone who's able to read the comments here still has a chance to choose whether or not to try to keep living, even if they've also been experiencing intense thoughts of suicide, made a suicide plan, or started carrying it out. - -In [the most useful empirical model we have](https://www.apa.org/science/about/psa/2009/06/sci-brief), the desire to die by suicide primarily comes from two interpersonal factors; alienation and a sense of being a burden or having nothing to offer. These factors usually lead to a profound feeling of being unwelcome in the world. - -**So, any acceptance or reinforcement of suicidal intent, even something ""innocent"" like ""I hope you find peace"", is actually a form of covert shunning that validates a person's sense that they're unwelcome in the world. It will usually add to their pain even if kindly meant and gently worded.** - -###How to Avoid Validating Suicidal Intent### - -Keep the following in mind when offering support to anyone at risk for suicide. - -* **People who say they don't want help usually can feel better if they get support that doesn't invalidate their emotions.** Unfortunately, [many popular ""good"" responses are actually counterproductive](https://www.speakingofsuicide.com/2015/03/03/what-not-to-say/). In particular, many friends and family tend to rely exclusively on trying to convince the suicidal person that ""it's not so bad"", and this is usually experienced as ""I don't understand what you're going through and I'm not going to try"". People who've had ""help"" that made them feel worse don't want any more of the same. It doesn't mean that someone who actually knows how to be supportive can't give them any comfort. - -* **Most people who are suicidal want to end their** ***pain,*** **not their lives.** It's almost never true that death is the only way to end these people's suffering. Of course there are exceptional situations, and we certainly acknowledge that, for some people, the right help can be difficult to find. But preventing someone's suicide doesn't mean prolonging their suffering if we do it by giving them real comfort and understanding. - -* ***An unfixable problem doesn't mean that a good life will never be possible***. We don't have to fix or change anything to help someone feel better. It's important to keep in mind that the correlation between our outer circumstances and our inner experience is weaker and less direct than commonly assumed. For every kind of difficult life situation, you will find some people who lapse into suicidal despair, and others who cope amazingly well, and a whole spectrum in between. A key difference is how much inner resilience the person has at the time. This can depend on many personal and situational factors. But when there's not enough, interpersonal support can both compensate for its absence and help rebuild it. We go into more depth on the ""it gets better"" issue in [this PSA Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/25igd7/whats_wrong_with_it_gets_better_what_if_it_doesnt/) which is always linked from our sidebar (community info on mobile) guidelines. - -* **There are** ***always*** **more choices than brutally forcing someone to stay alive or passively letting them end their lives**. - -To avoid accidentally breaking the anti-incitement rule, don't say or try to imply that acting on suicidal thoughts is a good idea, or that someone can't turn back or is already dead. Do whatever you can to help them feel cared for and welcome, at least in this little corner of the world. [Our talking tips](http://redd.it/igh87) offer more detailed guidance. - -###Look Out for Deliberate Incitement. It May Come in Disguise.### - -Often comments that subtly encourage suicidal intent actually come from suicide fetishists and voyeurs ([unfortunately this is a real and disturbing phenomenon](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Francis_Melchert-Dinkel)). People like this *are* out there and the anonymous nature of reddit makes us particularly attractive to them. - -They will typically try to scratch their psychological ""itch"" by saying things that push people closer to the edge. They often do this by exploiting the myths that we debunked in the bullet points above. Specifically you might see people doing the following: - -* Encouraging the false belief that the only way suicidal people can end their pain is by dying. **There are** ***always*** **more and better choices than ""brutally forcing someone to stay alive"" or helping (actively or passively) them to end their lives**. - -* Creating an artificial and toxic sense of ""solidarity"" by linking their encouragement of suicide to empathy. They will represent themselves as the only one who really understand the suicidal person, while either directly or indirectly encouraging their self-loathing emotions and self-destructive impulses. **Since most people in suicidal crisis are in desperate need to empathy and understanding, this is a particularly dangerous form of manipulation.** - -Many suicide inciters are adept at putting a benevolent spin on their activities while actually luring people away from sources of real help. A couple of key points to keep in mind: - -* **Skilled suicide intervention -- peer or professional -- is based on empathic responsiveness to the person's feelings that reduces their suffering in the moment.** Contrary to pop-culture myths, it does **not** involve persuasion (""Don't do it!""), cheerleading (""You've got this!"") or meaningless false promises (""Trust me, it gets better!""), or invalidation (""Let me show you how things aren't as bad as you think!""). Anyone who leads others to expect these kinds of toxic responses, or any other response that prolongs their pain, from expert help may be covertly pro-suicide. (Of course, people sometimes do have bad experience when seeking mental-health treatment, and it's fine to vent about those, but processing our own disappointment and frustration is entirely different from trying to destroy someone else's hope of getting help.) - -* **Choices made by competent responders are always informed by the understanding that breaching someone's trust is traumatic and must be avoided if possible.** Any kind of involuntary intervention is an **extremely unlikely** outcome when someone consults a clinician or calls a hotline. (Confidentiality is addressed in more detail in [our Hotlines FAQ post](http://redd.it/1c7ntr)). The goal is always to provide all help with the client's full knowledge and informed consent. We know that no individual or system is perfect. Mistakes that lead to bad experiences do sometimes happen to vulnerable people, and we have enormous sympathy for them. But anyone who suggests that this is the norm might be trying to scare people away from the help they need. - -Please [let us know discreetly](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FSuicideWatch) if you see anyone exhibiting these or similar behaviours. We don't recommend trying to engage with them directly.",1,seeing worrying increase pro suicide content showing also going unreported undermines purpose wanted highlight clarify guideline direct indirect incitement suicide created wiki cover issue hope helpful anyone wondering whether something okay response report explains detail validation suicidal intent even innocent message like 00 committed wish peace likely increase people pain important report even subtle pro suicide comment full text wiki current version maintained r suicidewatch wiki incitement http www reddit com r suicidewatch wiki incitement deeply appreciate everyone give responsive empathetic non judgemental support ops particularly thank everyone already reporting incitement form please report post comment encourages suicide break guideline sidebar moderator either clicking report button sending u modmail http www reddit com message compose fr fsuicidewatch link deal guideline violation reported u soon read everything community report essential get pm break guideline please report reddit sitewide admins http www reddit com report u modmail thanks great citizen community help flag problem content behaviour u r suicidewatch wiki incitement http www reddit com r suicidewatch wiki incitement summary important respect understand people experience emotion never necessary helpful kind support suicidal intent common misconception discussed suicidal people help cause well meaning people inadvertently incite suicide also people online incite suicide purpose often pretending sympathetic helpful validate feeling experience self destructive intention offer support judgement mean accepting best understanding offer whatever emotion people express suicidal people suffering try ease providing support caring reliable way know de escalate someone risk give experience feeling understood mean judging whether feeling way telling important line draw crucial difference empathizing feeling responding non judgmentally suicidal thought way endorsing encouraging validating suicidal intention hopeless belief possible important convey understanding compassion someone suicidal thought without putting finger scale decision anything condones suicide even passively encourages suicide supportive help also violates reddit sitewide rule well guideline explicitly inciting suicide online criminal offense jurisdiction treat op post meaning definitely die suicide change mind helped anyone able read comment still chance choose whether try keep living even also experiencing intense thought suicide made suicide plan started carrying useful empirical model http www apa org science psa 009 0 sci brief desire die suicide primarily come two interpersonal factor alienation sense burden nothing offer factor usually lead profound feeling unwelcome world acceptance reinforcement suicidal intent even something innocent like hope find peace actually form covert shunning validates person sense unwelcome world usually add pain even kindly meant gently worded avoid validating suicidal intent keep following mind offering support anyone risk suicide people say want help usually feel better get support invalidate emotion unfortunately many popular good response actually counterproductive http www speakingofsuicide com 0 0 0 say particular many friend family tend rely exclusively trying convince suicidal person bad usually experienced understand going going try people help made feel worse want mean someone actually know supportive give comfort people suicidal want end pain life almost never true death way end people suffering course exceptional situation certainly acknowledge people right help difficult find preventing someone suicide mean prolonging suffering giving real comfort understanding unfixable problem mean good life never possible fix change anything help someone feel better important keep mind correlation outer circumstance inner experience weaker le direct commonly assumed every kind difficult life situation find people lapse suicidal despair others cope amazingly well whole spectrum key difference much inner resilience person time depend many personal situational factor enough interpersonal support compensate absence help rebuild go depth get better issue psa post http www reddit com r suicidewatch comment igd whats wrong get better doesnt always linked sidebar community info mobile guideline always choice brutally forcing someone stay alive passively letting end life avoid accidentally breaking anti incitement rule say try imply acting suicidal thought good idea someone turn back already dead whatever help feel cared welcome least little corner world talking tip http redd igh offer detailed guidance look deliberate incitement may come disguise often comment subtly encourage suicidal intent actually come suicide fetishist voyeur unfortunately real disturbing phenomenon http en wikipedia org wiki william francis melchert dinkel people like anonymous nature reddit make u particularly attractive typically try scratch psychological itch saying thing push people closer edge often exploiting myth debunked bullet point specifically might see people following encouraging false belief way suicidal people end pain dying always better choice brutally forcing someone stay alive helping actively passively end life creating artificial toxic sense solidarity linking encouragement suicide empathy represent one really understand suicidal person either directly indirectly encouraging self loathing emotion self destructive impulse since people suicidal crisis desperate need empathy understanding particularly dangerous form manipulation many suicide inciter adept putting benevolent spin activity actually luring people away source real help couple key point keep mind skilled suicide intervention peer professional based empathic responsiveness person feeling reduces suffering moment contrary pop culture myth involve persuasion cheerleading got meaningless false promise trust get better invalidation let show thing bad think anyone lead others expect kind toxic response response prolongs pain expert help may covertly pro suicide course people sometimes bad experience seeking mental health treatment fine vent processing disappointment frustration entirely different trying destroy someone else hope getting help choice made competent responder always informed understanding breaching someone trust traumatic must avoided possible kind involuntary intervention extremely unlikely outcome someone consults clinician call hotline confidentiality addressed detail hotlines faq post http redd c ntr goal always provide help client full knowledge informed consent know individual system perfect mistake lead bad experience sometimes happen vulnerable people enormous sympathy anyone suggests norm might trying scare people away help need please let u know discreetly http www reddit com message compose fr fsuicidewatch see anyone exhibiting similar behaviour recommend trying engage directly -"I’ve been super depressed this year, sure, but I don’t think it’s gonna come yet. I remember when I was young, when Robin Williams killed himself it really shook me because like, I understood. Like my response wasn’t being sad necessarily, it was “well, I get it.” - -It’s weird, I don’t know, I almost don’t even feel emotional saying this. One time a couple weeks ago, I was smoking weed and my heart kind of skipped a beat in a weird way, and I thought “good.” I was like, “this would be an easy way to solve everything,” like it would be a relief to die then and there. People don’t think that, right? That’s weird that I thought that? - -Why don’t I fantasize about good things anymore? Why don’t I have Oscar acceptance speeches in my mirror? Why don’t I think about my dream girl? All I ever think about is how hard it’ll be to get where I want to be, and how I’ll probably be 38 when I meet the LOML and I’ll have no time to do anything fun with her anyway. All I ever imagine is the bad stuff. - -I think if you told me that there was some kind of afterlife, that some religion was right, I’d do a little research to know what to expect and then probably jump out a window. It just makes sense, right? Like what am I living for here? - -Yeah yeah I have friends and family that love me, cool. But is that really what’s keeping me here? Guilt? That’s not a great reason for living! - -And then it just gets me, it’s like… am I gonna work for another decade before I can get to a place I wanna be? Am I gonna be going on 40 by the time I’m actually feeling progress? In the meantime what the heck happens? Am I just sad and hurt all the time? Not worth it. I wish I could just learn what my fate was going to be so I could make an informed decision on whether I should be alive or not. - -I don’t know. I’m not gonna do anything now but like, I feel like this isn’t normal to think about.",1,super depressed year sure think gon na come yet remember young robin williams killed really shook like understood like response sad necessarily well get weird know almost even feel emotional saying one time couple week ago smoking weed heart kind skipped beat weird way thought good like would easy way solve everything like would relief die people think right weird thought fantasize good thing anymore oscar acceptance speech mirror think dream girl ever think hard get want probably meet loml time anything fun anyway ever imagine bad stuff think told kind afterlife religion right little research know expect probably jump window make sense right like living yeah yeah friend family love cool really keeping guilt great reason living get like gon na work another decade get place wan na gon na going 0 time actually feeling progress meantime heck happens sad hurt time worth wish could learn fate going could make informed decision whether alive know gon na anything like feel like normal think -"I can‘t. I‘m so done. I was born female and I hate it. Being seen as a beta male SUCKS. Nobody takes me fucking serious..and then the fact I‘m bisexual. Fucking hell. I started forcing myself to only like women because I hate being attracted to men. It disgust me. I can‘t anymore. I just had the biggest panick attack imaginable. I want to just rip out my female parts and fucking unlive myself. I‘m so uncomfortable with myself and I hate how people view me. I will NEVER be a real man. I do not have male chromosomes, I don’t have male genitalia. This is all in my head and I‘m fuckinf mentally ill. This shit has made me depressed and desperate. The worst people are the ones telling me to „Be proud“ and „Embrace it“ FUCK NO. This shit isnt normal and I wont pretend it is. I cant fucking take this anymore. I‘m only 17 and I cant imagine living another day with this shit. I‘m not a man nor a woman. Im some disgusting inbetween shit and I cant take it anymore being a fucking freak. I already survived two suicide attempts and I regret still being alive.",1,done born female hate seen beta male suck nobody take fucking serious fact bisexual fucking hell started forcing like woman hate attracted men disgust anymore biggest panick attack imaginable want rip female part fucking unlive uncomfortable hate people view never real man male chromosome male genitalia head fuckinf mentally ill shit made depressed desperate worst people one telling proud embrace fuck shit isnt normal wont pretend cant fucking take anymore cant imagine living another day shit man woman im disgusting inbetween shit cant take anymore fucking freak already survived two suicide attempt regret still alive -"For starters, I never really had a childhood. When I was 4 my parents would constantly fight and eventually got divorced. At the time I did not really understand and thought that my mom and dad needed space from each other. Well, I never learned that they would never get back together until my dad remarried to a woman with 3 sons all older than me and my younger brother. Now my Stepmother was horrible to me and my brother. This included being locked in the same room with my brother the whole day, one meal per day, a gate in the bedroom doorway so that neither of us could go to the bathroom or get a drink of water. Now I was not always in my room I would go outside sometimes, but I would be locked outside by my stepmother. Whenever I told my father about it he either did not believe me or shrugged it off as a mistake. My mother was not any better than my father. She never remarried but was extremely lazy and never cleaned the house, she also never gave any discipline either so I was free to do whatever I wanted. Then when I was 5 things in my childhood got a lot harder when we found out my younger brother has severe autism. - -Now things switched from me getting some attention from my parents to none at all. I was now treated like a second-rate child by almost everyone. Now, whenever it was my birthday and wanted to go somewhere we had to plan it to make sure that my brother would also enjoy going there because if he did not then my birthday would be cut very short. Not on,y that, the presents were even unfair and I know it sounds like I am just being selfish, but is it selfish when on Christmas I would get a $10 lego set and then my brother would get a new keyboard piano that he did not have to share? The only time I ever felt like I was treated equally was when I was over at my Great Aunt/Uncle's house. At their house, I was not treated as a second-rate child, but instead as their own child. They gave me acknowledgment and love when my actual parents did not. They did not change plans because of my brother. They helped fill the void that my mom and dad had left in me. But my Great Uncle would pass away when I was 9 due to cancer. This not only hit me hard, it felt like I had lost my real dad and now I would never get him back. My Great Aunt was still alive and kept up with me, but I would only see her less and less as the years went by. - -Preteen/Teenager years were rough for me. And yes I know most people's preteen/teenager years were rough. So for starters remember me talking about being almost locked in my room or having complete freedom depending on what parent I was with? Well, this was not good for me at all as I got no interaction from peers my age and when I did get some it was only for brief moments. SO I never knew how to interact with people. I did make friends, but this was when I started lying to look cool instead of telling people that when I am with my dad I am basically in prison and when I am with my mom I live in a pigpen. This kept leading to lies getting deeper and deeper and eventually developing into pathological lying. It wasn't that I was not kind or anything, I just wanted to be cool and normal like the other kids and my friends. This however was only the tip of the very uneasy iceberg because now people were getting in romantic relationships in high school. And god-forbid that I get a girlfriend during this time... - -Well it happened, I got a girlfriend when I was freshman in High school. She was the polar opposite of me where I was shy and not very interactable if I did not know you, she was the party girl who wanted to drink booze and smoke weed. During the times that she did drink or smoke I would feel left out just like with my family at home, so again I made up stories and stuff to make myself look better. Well, now I was getting called out by others for my lies. I knew it was wrong, but for me, it was all about the attention at the time no matter if it was good or bad. It made me feel real and like I mattered in a twisted way. Well now because I was being called out I started to get even more depressed than I was and resorted to self-harm. Eventually, one night when me and my ex were talking she got drunk and started sending messages that I needed to man up and have intercourse with her r she will leave me. Well, me being in a not-so-good position in life I self-harmed more violently that time and sent an image to her in retaliation for her saying that she will leave me. I know, a match made in heaven right there. I will not say that I was not at fault partially in that situation, and I will not defend my actions. I merely wish to vent and talk about this anonymously as I have never spoken about this before to anyone. - -After that incident, the next day I was beaten to a pulp by 3 guys who liked my ex and thought doing this would land them brownie points. After which the school district finally did an investigation which involved my ex telling her side and only hearing her side. My friends called me insane and left one by one until I had no friends anymore. What hurt the most from that though was now I was alone, my parents still never really paid attention to me and now were treating me like a chore than a son. Instead of getting me the help, I needed they instead did nothing at all except send me to a psychologist who would proscribe every drug in the world and a therapist who did not really understand what I was saying, and that was I needed help. I relied on them for help and they were never there. Now at this point I'm 16 and have no friends, still don't know how to keep friends, and don't know how to reliably get help. I spent the rest of my high school years in and out of different schools with no friends or girlfriends. I was so shut off that when there was a girl who liked me or someone who wanted to be friends I would always dismiss them or tell them that they could do better than me. I was a husk in my own body and it was all due to my actions and not wanting to open up to anyone. I did get some romantic relationships eventually, but those fell off as I never put the time or effort to make it last. - -When I was 18 I had my first suicide attempt, I failed obviously and I am glad it did at the time. I eventually got in contact with my Great Aunt again after 12 years, we chatted about what had happened in our lives with me tearing up for the first time in a while talking about what my childhood and teen life were like. She told me that she was the same way in that she was suicidal and we connected together because of that morbid fact. She talked me out of many other suicide attempts and kept telling me that it will always et better no matter what. And yes things did get better, I bought a car and paid it off in less than a year, I have grown and learned so much that I am wiser than I was before, and I am going to college to get a degree in biology. And in all honesty, I would not change anything one bit knowing who I am now, but I still get the feeling that everything would be better if I just did not exist. - -Now we come to today with me still dealing with suicide. It has now been a constant battle with it daily because I just don't know what to do. I can't get over my past and the mistakes that I made and even then this post does not even cover all of them if it did it would be almost 100 pages at least. I just wish sometimes I never existed in the first place or that I was born to loving parents who actually cared for me instead of sidelining me for my brother because he has autism. I am so full of rage for myself and my brother not because he is autistic but he took away the childhood I needed in the first place. I'm 22 and feel stuck like I don't know where to go from here. I don't know how to move on from the past mistakes that keep me back. I don't know how to look at the future and not see it landing me with the worst life imaginable. And especially I do not know how to get over the feeling of not wanting to exist daily and thinking of ways to die. - -Sorry for the long post I tried to keep it as short as possible with the most details. And if this is not the right place then what is the right place? Thank you.",1,starter never really childhood parent would constantly fight eventually got divorced time really understand thought mom dad needed space well never learned would never get back together dad remarried woman son older younger brother stepmother horrible brother included locked room brother whole day one meal per day gate bedroom doorway neither u could go bathroom get drink water always room would go outside sometimes would locked outside stepmother whenever told father either believe shrugged mistake mother better father never remarried extremely lazy never cleaned house also never gave discipline either free whatever wanted thing childhood got lot harder found younger brother severe autism thing switched getting attention parent none treated like second rate child almost everyone whenever birthday wanted go somewhere plan make sure brother would also enjoy going birthday would cut short present even unfair know sound like selfish selfish christmas would get 0 lego set brother would get new keyboard piano share time ever felt like treated equally great aunt uncle house house treated second rate child instead child gave acknowledgment love actual parent change plan brother helped fill void mom dad left great uncle would pas away 9 due cancer hit hard felt like lost real dad would never get back great aunt still alive kept would see le le year went preteen teenager year rough yes know people preteen teenager year rough starter remember talking almost locked room complete freedom depending parent well good got interaction peer age get brief moment never knew interact people make friend started lying look cool instead telling people dad basically prison mom live pigpen kept leading lie getting deeper deeper eventually developing pathological lying kind anything wanted cool normal like kid friend however tip uneasy iceberg people getting romantic relationship high school god forbid get girlfriend time well happened got girlfriend freshman high school polar opposite shy interactable know party girl wanted drink booze smoke weed time drink smoke would feel left like family home made story stuff make look better well getting called others lie knew wrong attention time matter good bad made feel real like mattered twisted way well called started get even depressed resorted self harm eventually one night ex talking got drunk started sending message needed man intercourse r leave well good position life self harmed violently time sent image retaliation saying leave know match made heaven right say fault partially situation defend action merely wish vent talk anonymously never spoken anyone incident next day beaten pulp guy liked ex thought would land brownie point school district finally investigation involved ex telling side hearing side friend called insane left one one friend anymore hurt though alone parent still never really paid attention treating like chore son instead getting help needed instead nothing except send psychologist would proscribe every drug world therapist really understand saying needed help relied help never point friend still know keep friend know reliably get help spent rest high school year different school friend girlfriend shut girl liked someone wanted friend would always dismiss tell could better husk body due action wanting open anyone get romantic relationship eventually fell never put time effort make last first suicide attempt failed obviously glad time eventually got contact great aunt year chatted happened life tearing first time talking childhood teen life like told way suicidal connected together morbid fact talked many suicide attempt kept telling always et better matter yes thing get better bought car paid le year grown learned much wiser going college get degree biology honesty would change anything one bit knowing still get feeling everything would better exist come today still dealing suicide constant battle daily know get past mistake made even post even cover would almost 00 page least wish sometimes never existed first place born loving parent actually cared instead sidelining brother autism full rage brother autistic took away childhood needed first place feel stuck like know go know move past mistake keep back know look future see landing worst life imaginable especially know get feeling wanting exist daily thinking way die sorry long post tried keep short possible detail right place right place thank -"I’m feeling very suicidal atm. I’m very close to hanging myself. I want to call 911 but I won’t be able to pay for the hospital bill afterwards and I’ll regret calling them. Im currently in college and I don’t work. I live at home with my parents. My parents will be angry at me for calling 911 and they will most likely have to pay off the bill. We have insurance, but after insurance it’s about $1000. I don’t know what to do.",1,feeling suicidal atm close hanging want call 9 able pay hospital bill afterwards regret calling im currently college work live home parent parent angry calling 9 likely pay bill insurance insurance 000 know -,1,nan -"I’ve just been so overwhelmed lately, I’d love a break for once in my life. I’m not asking for much but at this point it seems like only bad things happen to me, I even lost my two only friends a few months ago and now I’m all alone again.",1,overwhelmed lately love break life asking much point seems like bad thing happen even lost two friend month ago alone -"i’m a 13 year old girl and my best friend took her own life a few months ago. i rly tried to live without her, honesty. i mean ok i’ve tried to die after that but then i put in a real effort to live without her. she suffered before she died. she was just a little girl. not even a teenager. - -i just can’t do it. i tried, but i don’t want to live in such a unfair world without her. i’ve had nightmares nonstop. my brain is torturing itself after what happened. my brain wants me to kill myself and end the torture. - -so i need to do it. feeling nothing is so much better than being tortured, i think everyone would agree. i’m gonna do it rly soon, cuz idk how much more torture i can take.",1,year old girl best friend took life month ago rly tried live without honesty mean ok tried die put real effort live without suffered died little girl even teenager tried want live unfair world without nightmare nonstop brain torturing happened brain want kill end torture need feeling nothing much better tortured think everyone would agree gon na rly soon cuz idk much torture take -I was too honest with a therapist at my school and now I’m being sent to a psych ward. I’m fucking pissed and I will be missing classes. I’m literally about to cancel all the rest of my appointments.,1,honest therapist school sent psych ward fucking pissed missing class literally cancel rest appointment -I just can't do this anymore how the fuck did I make it to 19 at 16 I tried to kill myself and things got so so so much worse SO bad that I didn't know it was possible to live in such agonizing pain. I hate people and I hate myself and I hate this life but I will miss the sunsets I wish I could've made it work but I couldn't do it anymore bye earth I'll be underground now.,1,anymore fuck make 9 tried kill thing got much worse bad know possible live agonizing pain hate people hate hate life miss sunset wish could made work anymore bye earth underground -,1,nan -"We live in a world full of hate, greed, corruption, wars and much more. A corrupt school system and mental health system. You have to be ""normal"" or else you're fucked. Nobody cares. You're born without your consent and then forced to provide for society and fit into society. It's all an endless cycle.",1,live world full hate greed corruption war much corrupt school system mental health system normal else fucked nobody care born without consent forced provide society fit society endless cycle -Like fuck am I invisible?,1,like fuck invisible -"I feel like I am getting closer to giving up everyday and I can help myself. Its like I am watching a ship slowly sink. I don't think I will see my next birthday. I know myself pretty well and I know I can't hold on for much longer. I feel like a cancer patient with few months to live. I have had suicidal thoughts before, but nothing like this. It feels like I am already dead.",1,feel like getting closer giving everyday help like watching ship slowly sink think see next birthday know pretty well know hold much longer feel like cancer patient month live suicidal thought nothing like feel like already dead -"(First vent that is not related to the second one) - -I ain’t transgender I’m fucking delusional. He always finds a way to make me feel like fucking shit. I fucking hate him. I thought of him like a father and now he just fucking betrays my soul. He calls me selfish for wanting him to see me as a boy…he only gives a fuck about himself. He humiliates other kids and gets a fucking kick out of it and I’m sick of his shit. Sometimes I wish he understood how much I fucking suffered. Im having a whole fucking insane ass fake ass probably episode over a GODDAMN teacher. God fucking dammit. Everyone tells me to just stop having such strong bonds with a teacher but I can’t fucking control it. I can’t. I don’t mean that in a creepy way, I just genuinely want his approval so bad that it has made me go over the fucking rails. I want him to just approve me. I want him to so fucking bad. I insult him yet I love him like a father figure. Why?? Fucking why? - - -(Separate vent made at the same time) - -And just to get off that stupid ass note for a minute - -I wish to fucking kill myself in a way where my face ain’t recognizable, my breasts are cut the fuck off, and the part at the bottom is fucking burned off to a crisp. It’s almost what I fucking fantasize about at this point. Maybe then the red neck degenerates won’t try to dig me up and fuck me or some stupid ass shit like that. Oh I’ll know they will find my female abomination but at least I’ll give them the nightmare to look at when I’m fucking gone - -Sexy sexy sexy. That’s what she called it. Oh how she wanted my body to be hers. Sick fuck. I’m gonna be sick just like her I fucking know it. I’m just an attention seeker bitch Or just insane I can’t tell at this point fucking bitch.",1,first vent related second one transgender fucking delusional always find way make feel like fucking shit fucking hate thought like father fucking betrays soul call selfish wanting see boy give fuck humiliates kid get fucking kick sick shit sometimes wish understood much fucking suffered im whole fucking insane as fake as probably episode goddamn teacher god fucking dammit everyone tell stop strong bond teacher fucking control mean creepy way genuinely want approval bad made go fucking rail want approve want fucking bad insult yet love like father figure fucking separate vent made time get stupid as note minute wish fucking kill way face recognizable breast cut fuck part bottom fucking burned crisp almost fucking fantasize point maybe red neck degenerate try dig fuck stupid as shit like oh know find female abomination least give nightmare look fucking gone sexy sexy sexy called oh wanted body sick fuck gon na sick like fucking know attention seeker bitch insane tell point fucking bitch -"idk if i need to, but putting a big fat trigger warning here for eds, general bad thoughts, and pedophilia, as well as the fact that this is basically a long post complaining about everything wrong with my life lol - -i don't see the point of trying to tell myself that it'll get better, when i know that the next few months will be so much worse than now. i don't have any reason to try to keep myself from ending it when my body is already dying much quicker then i'd like, and i don't have the motivation or the purpose to tell anyone how bad everything's gotten. cant forget the fact i am autistic, trans, gay and basically everything else that i won't ever get accepted or treated right for lol. - -i don't hate myself. i don't even see myself as a person? i know i have delusions about myself that i don't feel comfortable sharing (even though i'm comfortable sharing literally every other problem i have??) but i hate that i was born in general. i don't think i should have been born at all, especially since i was born a fucking girl. - -being trans is the worst fucking thing to come out of being alive. i would give every failing organ in my body just to have been born a man. i can't come out to anyone in person -i wouldn't be accepted by the majority of people i know anyway- because i won't ever be taken seriously as a man. no one, regardless of who i meet, will ever see me as a 'real man' and that hurts more than anything. people might start using he/him when they feel like doing so, but since they'll still see me as a girl anyways i don't see the point. -sometimes i think of growing my hair back out, throwing on a dress and pretending that i'm comfortable with being a girl, because part of me thinks that i could come to live with it in time. - -sometimes i consider finding someone twice my age online just to give me fake validation, because it'll be much more than i'll ever get in person. i know its not healthy, but neither am i. i want the worst for myself because it'll make me feel temporarily better. - -since we're already practically trauma dumping might as well mention that i've been targeted by older men my whole life: since i was 6 i've been flirted with, PROPOSED TO, and had weird sexual comments thrown at me by adults all whilst my very own mother would watch and laugh, never thinking to tell them to stop. i mean she's never been any better, considering that she is by far the one person who's made my life the worst it can be, but i live with her and will do for at least the next few years, so it's not like i can do anything about it. i'm only 15, who knows maybe this shit is normal and i should just suck it up and deal with it. - -i could go into depth about how my mother has fuelled my body issues and my eating disorder(s), how she's blatantly ignored the signs of autism i displayed from birth (and now makes fun of me/ gets angry at me for) and let me get severely underweight at a very young age because i couldn't handle any food textures and still puts it down to me just being 'picky'. - -having an eating disorder might actually kill me before i kill myself. haven't lost any weight from it, but have basically lost everything else. my heart is faring the worst, it's absolutely terrifying feeling it malfunction, but for some reason i can't tell anyone how bad it's actually gotten. i go to the doctors occasionally and they know there's at least 2 things wrong with my heart, but they don't take it seriously unless i experience symptoms (which i do, severely at that, but i haven't told anyone and now i have to face the consequences for) -it's been getting so much worse in the last few months. granted, i haven't had another 'almost heart attack' since middle of last year (i had every heart attack symptom at once, i broke out into a cold sweat in my bathroom and felt the worst anxiety i've ever felt, my vision started to go static and fade, i was practically holding onto my heart and i've never felt so much like i was going to die, not even after i overdosed) but i've watched my heart rate drop to 30 on multiple occasions, and seen it go way above 160 after just walking up some stairs. most nights i sleep less than 4 hours, because every time i've tried to sleep ive been worried that my heart will just give out and i won't wake up. for some reason, i can stomach killing myself, but i can't handle not dying from my own hands. - -i don't know what i want out of this. empty reassurances? someone to tell me i'm not being unreasonable? maybe i just want people to relate? -i think more than anything though, i just want someone to talk to. not even about the bad shit, just someone to engage with and tell about my hyperfixations, someone who won't just ignore me and most of all, i want a friend. i don't think i'll get that here, i don't expect to nor do i really think it's fair. -i don't want to live anymore, and i know that if i reach 18 i'll end up ruining my life one way or another. i don't care what happens to me anymore, because it'll just get worse anyway. - -if you've read this far, sorry for wasting your time, drink some water or smth - -tldr im suffering and i have absolutely no outlet or the help i need",1,idk need putting big fat trigger warning ed general bad thought pedophilia well fact basically long post complaining everything wrong life lol see point trying tell get better know next month much worse reason try keep ending body already dying much quicker like motivation purpose tell anyone bad everything gotten cant forget fact autistic trans gay basically everything else ever get accepted treated right lol hate even see person know delusion feel comfortable sharing even though comfortable sharing literally every problem hate born general think born especially since born fucking girl trans worst fucking thing come alive would give every failing organ body born man come anyone person accepted majority people know anyway ever taken seriously man one regardless meet ever see real man hurt anything people might start using feel like since still see girl anyways see point sometimes think growing hair back throwing dress pretending comfortable girl part think could come live time sometimes consider finding someone twice age online give fake validation much ever get person know healthy neither want worst make feel temporarily better since already practically trauma dumping might well mention targeted older men whole life since flirted proposed weird sexual comment thrown adult whilst mother would watch laugh never thinking tell stop mean never better considering far one person made life worst live least next year like anything know maybe shit normal suck deal could go depth mother fuelled body issue eating disorder blatantly ignored sign autism displayed birth make fun get angry let get severely underweight young age handle food texture still put picky eating disorder might actually kill kill lost weight basically lost everything else heart faring worst absolutely terrifying feeling malfunction reason tell anyone bad actually gotten go doctor occasionally know least thing wrong heart take seriously unless experience symptom severely told anyone face consequence getting much worse last month granted another almost heart attack since middle last year every heart attack symptom broke cold sweat bathroom felt worst anxiety ever felt vision started go static fade practically holding onto heart never felt much like going die even overdosed watched heart rate drop 0 multiple occasion seen go way 0 walking stair night sleep le hour every time tried sleep ive worried heart give wake reason stomach killing handle dying hand know want empty reassurance someone tell unreasonable maybe want people relate think anything though want someone talk even bad shit someone engage tell hyperfixations someone ignore want friend think get expect really think fair want live anymore know reach end ruining life one way another care happens anymore get worse anyway read far sorry wasting time drink water smth tldr im suffering absolutely outlet help need -"I struggle with school, having to take all honors and ap classes. At home, my parents insult me and treat me like a tool, making me pick up their slack. They give me the same excuse, saying that since they work i need to do something. My mom and step dad also think that my studies are the most important thing in the world, as i cant go out with friends. Having three siblings that are 10 years younger than me also builds up this stress. My family issues also include me not knowing my real dad. My mom never told me anything about him but snooping through her phone lets me know hes in jail in another country. I cant take my family anymore, and i wanna cry but i cant. My friends dont understand since they have loving families and big homes. The only person i can talk to is my closest friend, but knowing that she has her own issues worries me. I have not cried ever since 6th grade, and when i do its me tearing up. I cant feel happiness anymore nor sadness, its just me hating my family even more. Sports and videogames arent a good escape for me anymore, as i lost interest in it, and keeping up good grades to impress my parents makes me want to cry, but i cant. I dont know anymore, and im stooping really low talking on reddit. I wish i could cry, but i physically cant.",1,struggle school take honor ap class home parent insult treat like tool making pick slack give excuse saying since work need something mom step dad also think study important thing world cant go friend three sibling 0 year younger also build stress family issue also include knowing real dad mom never told anything snooping phone let know he jail another country cant take family anymore wan na cry cant friend dont understand since loving family big home person talk closest friend knowing issue worry cried ever since th grade tearing cant feel happiness anymore sadness hating family even sport videogames arent good escape anymore lost interest keeping good grade impress parent make want cry cant dont know anymore im stooping really low talking reddit wish could cry physically cant -"I am not. I don't believe or respect myself enough to do it. I am extremely pathetic, lazy and bad person. That's the truth, a simple fact. And this will probably never change because thats how I am.",1,believe respect enough extremely pathetic lazy bad person truth simple fact probably never change thats -I just wish I didn't have people and pets that wouldn't be bothered without me. I have all the general visible assets of my gender identity but I still know I'll never be a girl,1,wish people pet bothered without general visible asset gender identity still know never girl -"Been suicidal for a long time now, attempted suicide for an embarrassing amount of times, first time overdosing on Panadol. Heard it's a terrible way to go but did it nonetheless. I took 20, feeling pretty normal right now. It's most likely not the fatal dose, but that's all I could get my hands on. Whatever happens happens; I'll update y'all if I survive.",1,suicidal long time attempted suicide embarrassing amount time first time overdosing panadol heard terrible way go nonetheless took 0 feeling pretty normal right likely fatal dose could get hand whatever happens happens update survive -I'm going insane every single day I don't know wtf is going on or who I am anymore I don't even feel like I belong here I just want to free my soul and rest in peace,1,going insane every single day know wtf going anymore even feel like belong want free soul rest peace -"i seriously don’t get how people just live their every day lives without completely falling apart. and i don’t get how people are just happy with their lives. i’m in college right now and i’m failing classes, have no friends, and zero motivation to do anything about it. i really just don’t see the point in putting myself through hell for a degree so i can get a job i don’t want, and coming home from that job to absolutely no one. i really don’t think anyone could ever love me. so if i’ll hate my job, have no friends and no romantic partner, what’s the point. there’s nothing in my life worth working towards, and i’m ready to give up on everything. i just can’t do this anymore and i don’t know what’s left to do other than kill myself.",1,seriously get people live every day life without completely falling apart get people happy life college right failing class friend zero motivation anything really see point putting hell degree get job want coming home job absolutely one really think anyone could ever love hate job friend romantic partner point nothing life worth working towards ready give everything anymore know left kill -"What keeps me awake every night is trying to figure out whether my wife and kids would be better off if I actually did take my own life, versus me continuing to exist in their lives, versus divorce and distancing myself from them as much as possible. - -My best mate in my late 20s, his mother took her own life when he was about 10 years old and he hated her for it ever since. My parents split when I was 8, and I have absolutely no memories of my parents as a couple (you know, as ""mum and dad"", together), and I'm pretty sure my dad left to live with his parents because he had wanted to take his own life and wanted to distance himself from us to minimise the impact. He's still alive, looking after his mother, but he never had any passion for anything, and always seemed to be ""just existing"", so I get it (I'm that way too). I don't know of any examples of fathers who decided to just live and not leave the family, because all my childhood friends were also poor kids living in single parent households. I have no friends now, so I don't have any examples to go by. I can see how me choosing to stick around, but the therapy and medication isn't making a fucking difference, could make life shit for my wife and kids. Even tho he's alive, I can't talk to my dad about anything deep or meaningful. My so-called adopted father (my uncle) is so full of BS platitudes and braindead socialist bullshit that I can't stand talking to him about this stuff. I don't have any friends from church, so I have nobody to teach me how I'm supposed to pray about this shit, so I'm getting no answers from Jesus/God. I effectively have nobody to talk to about this. I don't want empathy, I want fucken solutions! - -The mere fact that no matter what I do, whether tens of thousands of dollars of therapy, or a half dozen different medications over the last five years, none of it has made anything better. Fuck depression, fuck adhd, fuck doing a job for money, fuck being productive, fuck Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, fuck autism, fuck Aspergers, fuck anxiety, fuck ""just reach out for help"", fuck society, and fuck God for making me born with this mental illness.",1,keep awake every night trying figure whether wife kid would better actually take life versus continuing exist life versus divorce distancing much possible best mate late 0 mother took life 0 year old hated ever since parent split absolutely memory parent couple know mum dad together pretty sure dad left live parent wanted take life wanted distance u minimise impact still alive looking mother never passion anything always seemed existing get way know example father decided live leave family childhood friend also poor kid living single parent household friend example go see choosing stick around therapy medication making fucking difference could make life shit wife kid even tho alive talk dad anything deep meaningful called adopted father uncle full b platitude braindead socialist bullshit stand talking stuff friend church nobody teach supposed pray shit getting answer jesus god effectively nobody talk want empathy want fucken solution mere fact matter whether ten thousand dollar therapy half dozen different medication last five year none made anything better fuck depression fuck adhd fuck job money fuck productive fuck cognitive behaviour therapy fuck autism fuck aspergers fuck anxiety fuck reach help fuck society fuck god making born mental illness -"I don't have enough meds to OD myself, I'm afraid of pain so I cant slit my own neck, if emotional agony can kill me then I would have died a million times over already.",1,enough med od afraid pain cant slit neck emotional agony kill would died million time already -"I’m apparently a horrible failure of a partner and lover. I’m awful and terrible. I should just go kill myself. Everyone would be better off if I was dead. I’m terrible for the hurt I cause because I’ve been hurt. I’m hideous for not knowing how to love when my whole life has been nothing but trauma. I’m worthless and no man will ever love me. I deserve to be told to kill myself and I deserved my abuse. I deserved my rapes and my miscarriage and to be cheated on. I deserved it all I’m terrible. Im a failure of a daughter, a sister a friend an almost wife and almost mother…I have no worth. Im unlovable.",1,apparently horrible failure partner lover awful terrible go kill everyone would better dead terrible hurt cause hurt hideous knowing love whole life nothing trauma worthless man ever love deserve told kill deserved abuse deserved rape miscarriage cheated deserved terrible im failure daughter sister friend almost wife almost mother worth im unlovable -"I extremely hate this day. It reminds me that nobody cares about me. If I had died no one would even noticed. People my age are getting married, strenghtenning friendship bonds, having the time of their life. I have nobody to talk to. ""Friends"" I once had stopped replying to my text. - -I planned comiting suicide two years ago but the pandemic happened. I Imagined myself standing in the middle of a bridge and jumping through a barricade while crying and listening to Johny Cash Hurt. - -I am so lonely. I overwork myself to forget that I have nobody and I will never have. - -I will spend my birthday the same as for couple last years. I am going to cry.",1,extremely hate day reminds nobody care died one would even noticed people age getting married strenghtenning friendship bond time life nobody talk friend stopped replying text planned comiting suicide two year ago pandemic happened imagined standing middle bridge jumping barricade cry listening johny cash hurt lonely overwork forget nobody never spend birthday couple last year going cry -"I’ve tried to do everything right. I’ve tried so hard. It never gets better no matter what. It’s always a circular road, and I always end up in the same place. I’m just so tired.",1,tried everything right tried hard never get better matter always circular road always end place tired -,1,nan -"My parents split when I was 3. I lived with my dad and my sister moved with my mom. My father was a super alcoholic and abusive. He used to whip me with cordage, punch me while I was naked because I was taking a shower to long, and basically hit me when ever he was in the mood. When I was 8, the neighbor kid who was older than me, molested me and I told my dad about it. He asked me if I was some kind of (homosexual slang word) and did nothing about it. - -He used to wash my clothes and hang dry them above trash. And I was very limited on the amount of time I was allowed to bathe. Because of this, I got picked on for being the dirty kid. Fast forward a few years, I became the bully as I was psychically stronger than kids my age. I also started stealing food and laundry detergent from the gas station. I would put my clothes in trash bags and bike them to the laundry mat. - -When I was 14 I got a girl pregnant. I also started hanging out with people older than me. I got into fights alot and started robbing places to eat. I got caught and did time in juvenile hall. Afterwards I was court ordered to move in with my mom. She knew nothing about what was going on at my dad's house the whole time. I felt like if I said anything, I would be forced to move and that made me feel guilty because I was all my dad had left. - -At 17, I was diagnosed with a nasty skin disorder called hidradenitis suppurativa. Basically, I get boils in my armpits and on my butt. There is no cure and surgery usually doesn't work. It just comes right back. This made me skidish when it came to dating and I was also dealing with my molestation the whole time. Throughout my whole teenage year, I thought i was gay because of what happened as a child. - -When I was 22 I met A. I fell head over heels for her and vice versa. About 3 years in I became extremely possessive, gave her zero space, and never did anything fun with her. We broke up. I could see she wasn't happy and asked her one day if she needed to leave and she said yes. It was over. Throught my late 20s I would check in on her to make sure she was OK. She would get in a relationship, but then break up and we would start chatting again. This happened 3 times but I never fully pursued her. I could tell we had unfinished business and that she had the same feelings for me as I did for her. I knew she could get better so I let her go. - -It has now been 13 years and I haven't dated serious since. I have relived our break up 1000s of times. I will dream of her and wake up, and it starts all over again. -That mixed in with my past, my skin disorder, my job that I hate even though it's good money, my addictions, my dying mother has me to the point where I don't want to live. I've also recently learned that my dad's house burnt down and he has been homeless, living out of his car for the past few years. I don't know how to react to that. - - -For years now I have told myself that when my mother goes, I'm going to kill myself. I've decided to wait until she goes because she has been through a lot as well and I want her to not be alone when she does. My dad wasn't good to her, then was abused by step father (he died), and all while dealing with severe kidney problems and vitamin deficiencies. I don't really have a relationship with my daughter. I was a bad father as a teenager. I've tried to do better but I don't think she would ever forgive me for not being there.. - -My mom's health is steadily declining so my time is approaching. I've recently bought a gun and now it's all up to my mom. To those of you who made it this far, I'm sorry this post is so long. I needed somewhere to vent because a lot of this stuff I have never told anyone. Thanks for reading.",1,parent split lived dad sister moved mom father super alcoholic abusive used whip cordage punch naked taking shower long basically hit ever mood neighbor kid older molested told dad asked kind homosexual slang word nothing used wash clothes hang dry trash limited amount time allowed bathe got picked dirty kid fast forward year became bully psychically stronger kid age also started stealing food laundry detergent gas station would put clothes trash bag bike laundry mat got girl pregnant also started hanging people older got fight alot started robbing place eat got caught time juvenile hall afterwards court ordered move mom knew nothing going dad house whole time felt like said anything would forced move made feel guilty dad left diagnosed nasty skin disorder called hidradenitis suppurativa basically get boil armpit butt cure surgery usually work come right back made skidish came dating also dealing molestation whole time throughout whole teenage year thought gay happened child met fell head heel vice versa year became extremely possessive gave zero space never anything fun broke could see happy asked one day needed leave said yes throught late 0 would check make sure ok would get relationship break would start chatting happened time never fully pursued could tell unfinished business feeling knew could get better let go year dated serious since relived break 000s time dream wake start mixed past skin disorder job hate even though good money addiction dying mother point want live also recently learned dad house burnt homeless living car past year know react year told mother go going kill decided wait go lot well want alone dad good abused step father died dealing severe kidney problem vitamin deficiency really relationship daughter bad father teenager tried better think would ever forgive mom health steadily declining time approaching recently bought gun mom made far sorry post long needed somewhere vent lot stuff never told anyone thanks reading - So for awhile now i've tried multiple times to hang myself and also tried to slit my wrist but all my suicide attempts have failed and im trying to find happiness in life and find a reason to live but everday i just wanna end all my suffering anyways here's why i feel suicidal:So basically my mom and dad are abusive and make me feel like shit and then my brother and sister don't understand what im going through so they make it worse and my parents threated me if i call cps or anyone about what happens at the house i would get WHOOPED TILL I GOT RED MARKS AND ALOT OF BAD THINGS SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME BEFORE I TAKE MY LIFE.,1,awhile tried multiple time hang also tried slit wrist suicide attempt failed im trying find happiness life find reason live everday wan na end suffering anyways feel suicidal basically mom dad abusive make feel like shit brother sister understand im going make worse parent threated call cps anyone happens house would get whooped till got red mark alot bad thing somebody please help take life -"I don’t want to go to the psych ward. I just want this all to stop. But I’m too afraid to try because if i fail again, I’m going to be locked up again.",1,want go psych ward want stop afraid try fail going locked -,1,nan -Humans just making my life harder to impossible to live ruined my life and my childhood FUCK YOU!!!!! People pushed me to the edge millions of times that I don't mind even kill torture steal destroy hurt other people or even destroy humanity and earth you fucking deserve this instead of living happy life Humans and religions are FUCKING CANCER!!!!!,1,human making life harder impossible live ruined life childhood fuck people pushed edge million time mind even kill torture steal destroy hurt people even destroy humanity earth fucking deserve instead living happy life human religion fucking cancer -"It's not easy being useless. I am honestly just considering quitting my job and spending these last few days in a hedonistic fashion. I hate my family, so their feelings don't matter. I never understood the logic that I shouldn't kill myself because ""it would make other people sad."". It seems like everyone is for doing what's best for you until that thing that's best for you is suicide. The rules for suicide are different because when you're suicidal, you have to throw what's best for you out the window and do what other people want for you, and that's fucking bullshit!",1,easy useless honestly considering quitting job spending last day hedonistic fashion hate family feeling matter never understood logic kill would make people sad seems like everyone best thing best suicide rule suicide different suicidal throw best window people want fucking bullshit -,1,nan -,1,nan -"We have absolutely no freedom when it comes to our lives. I personally have a family and I resent them everyday for being the reason I’m still a slave to life. After a suicidal episode, that disease I call hope creeps back in and fuels me to slave away for a few months until I burn out again. If anyone has a solution to the family problem let me know (ex. telling them you’re a monk and moving to thailand)",1,absolutely freedom come life personally family resent everyday reason still slave life suicidal episode disease call hope creep back fuel slave away month burn anyone solution family problem let know ex telling monk moving thailand -God im stupid,1,god im stupid -"I know I'm not the other one going through this but holy fuck. - -I jsur feel so alone and in so much pain and it hurts so much. Even my therapist doesn't seem to undersrand how much this really hurts and how much I really just want to fucking die.",1,know one going holy fuck jsur feel alone much pain hurt much even therapist seem undersrand much really hurt much really want fucking die -"Why is this overwhelming fear and the feeling that nothing matters going away? I feel worse as more days passes. I am doing everything i can, i am going to therapy, taking medication, getting help but it isn’t changing anything. Everyday i go to sleep i wish that i don’t wake up, that i don’t have to feel like this anymore. The worst part is that i don’t understand what i am so afraid of and if i don’t understand it how am i supposed to overcome it. I don’t know what to do, i really don’t.",1,overwhelming fear feeling nothing matter going away feel worse day pass everything going therapy taking medication getting help changing anything everyday go sleep wish wake feel like anymore worst part understand afraid understand supposed overcome know really -"(16f) I’m planning to kill myself, perhaps next month. I’m just gonna put it all out there because I have nothing to lose now. I missed 3 years of school because of mental health and I was in a psych ward for 9 months- due to this I have no friends at all, only my mum and I’m grateful for that, now I’m in year 11, in a hospital school trying to cram 3 years of lost education into my brain. - -My GCSE’S are in a month and I’m going to fail, even though I’m only going to be doing two of them, English language and Maths. I cant even get to college, don’t get me started on uni. I’m going to be a nobody, struggling to find a job. - - I bet my mum is so disappointed in me but she doesn’t wanna say it. - -My future is over, I’m over, even though my life has just begun. I’d rather end it now than be known as the waste child. I’ve been planning my death for a long time now, I can’t take this anymore, this disappointment in myself I can’t take it.",1,f planning kill perhaps next month gon na put nothing lose missed year school mental health psych ward 9 month due friend mum grateful year hospital school trying cram year lost education brain gcse month going fail even though going two english language math cant even get college get started uni going nobody struggling find job bet mum disappointed wan na say future even though life begun rather end known waste child planning death long time take anymore disappointment take -"Hey guys I'm 16 and female and I've been struggling with my mental health for the past years. I've had a lot of suicidal episodes. All of them were in my head so I never actively did anything except wishing to die but the wish of dying got bigger in the past months. I just hate my life and I struggle so much. It's just crazy. I don't see any pleasure in living but my problem is that I feel like I'm not 100%ly sure if I want this. -My reasons of dying - -1. I might have OCD and this shit is just a living hell. I keep ruminating so much and I just can't continue to live like that. This sickness has taken so much lifetime away from me - -2. I have horrible thoughts about the people I love the most and I'm scared I might have harmed them in any way and I wouldn't be able to live with that - -3. I just hate life. When you see me from the outside you'll think that I'm a happy person but I'm not I struggle with anxiety and panic so much they're part of my daily life - -4. I just have too many issues - -5. All of the pain will be over - -The problem is that my elder brother past away a month ago and my family wouldn't be able to handle two death children. I told a close friend about my suicidal thoughts but I think that he didn't fully understand me. He doesn't know that this is something that I'm considering all the time. - -About therapy: I can't get any help bc of my parents so no matter what you'll say about therapy it won't be possible. I just want everything to end. I've suffered enough. I've had enough of this life. Maybe I'm being selfish but I'll have to do what's best for me. - - -In the last days I haven't been able to do anything good. I mostly laid in my bed on the phone. I just don't find any motivation in things. I eat very bad and then my stomach will hurt the next day. My sleep schedule is fucked up too but it has gotten better in the last days. I feel so sick and when I'm with my friends I play the girl who's always happy while I'm not. I just hate life -I've harmed myself a few times but it was just biting myself. I wanted to do more extreme things but then I didn't bc I don't see how self harm could help me . I'd like to die a painless death. Or maybe commit suicide indirectly so that my family won't see that I killed myself",1,hey guy female struggling mental health past year lot suicidal episode head never actively anything except wishing die wish dying got bigger past month hate life struggle much crazy see pleasure living problem feel like 00 ly sure want reason dying might ocd shit living hell keep ruminating much continue live like sickness taken much lifetime away horrible thought people love scared might harmed way able live hate life see outside think happy person struggle anxiety panic much part daily life many issue pain problem elder brother past away month ago family able handle two death child told close friend suicidal thought think fully understand know something considering time therapy get help bc parent matter say therapy possible want everything end suffered enough enough life maybe selfish best last day able anything good mostly laid bed phone find motivation thing eat bad stomach hurt next day sleep schedule fucked gotten better last day feel sick friend play girl always happy hate life harmed time biting wanted extreme thing bc see self harm could help like die painless death maybe commit suicide indirectly family see killed -"Hey... I posted a question here a while ago, but no one answered. I don't know if maybe my question got private it or something. I don't think it broke any rules... - -It's just that I'm afraid death will leave you conciouss until you decompose or get cremated, or that you'll suffocate due to not breathing... Do we know that being dead means you're definitely unconscious?",1,hey posted question ago one answered know maybe question got private something think broke rule afraid death leave conciouss decompose get cremated suffocate due breathing know dead mean definitely unconscious -"I wish I was dead, im too much of a fucking pussy to kill myself. I rely on pot to function. there isn't a single moment of my day that I'm not thinking about my ex girlfriend. I'm extremely pretentious while also being insanely insecure. I hate my friends. I hate my town. I hate the way that I am. I'm unsure of my views and future. I have debilitating anxiety. I fall into the same loop over and over of making progress in life only to fall back into depression and start again. my passion is guitar and writing songs and all of them are garbage. my parents suck. I'm afraid of sleeping at night because of nightmares that trigger my trauma and make me dissociate. I can't drink anymore because it makes me want to attempt suicide. fuck.",1,wish dead im much fucking pussy kill rely pot function single moment day thinking ex girlfriend extremely pretentious also insanely insecure hate friend hate town hate way unsure view future debilitating anxiety fall loop making progress life fall back depression start passion guitar writing song garbage parent suck afraid sleeping night nightmare trigger trauma make dissociate drink anymore make want attempt suicide fuck -"I’d been free from suicidal ideation for a few months and am distraught to be back in a place of despair. I started a new job, a stepping stone to what I thought was my career goal and it seems to be something I’m not cut out for emotionally. I’m a behavior therapist and my clients honestly disturb me, sometimes have me feeling depressed as I feel there’s no hope for them. This is very frustrating because this is my third career path and I’m only 22. - -My sleep quality is dipping severely as of late, the time in which my brain is supposed to heal. I’m seemingly unable to eat consistently - binging then fasting over and over. My new therapist doesn’t seem to be much help. I’m a recovering alcoholic and addict but I’m finding myself craving to escape with substances. It’s not an option however, because it would grant me homelessness as I’m currently in a sober home. - -It’s hard to connect to people. I’m in a very self-critical mindset lately, judging my words after every interaction i have. I’m even feeling internal homophobia. I feel this may be the sign of a positive internal reset and spiritual awakening, but it’s overwhelming. Nothing feels comfortable right now. - -Something snapped in my psyche at 18 years old, four years ago, and I’ve essentially been miserable since. I was diagnosed bipolar type I. This means without medication or proper self-care (i.e.: sleep), I can have an episode of severe depression or mania, wherein my mind works in overdrive and it may feel good in fleeting moments, but is ultimately disastrous to my life. While manic I’ve ruined my credit score, crashed 3 cars, and ruined relationships through verbal violence that is a byproduct of my lowered inhibition at this time. - -With sobriety, medication and meditation, I had been doing well. But with a new fork in the road in regard to my career, terrible sleep with disturbing and stressful nightmares, and utter confusion and frustration as a result. I can’t even bring myself to suicidality because I’ve tried it quite a few times. Pills, other types of pills, intentional carbon monoxide poisoning, cutting major arteries, and more pills.. with alcohol. - -Life just seems to be an endless series of pain and suffering. I feel like getting in my car and driving. I want to drive to a remote area in a state that is foreign to me, park my car and just walk. Starve to death, find a cliff, and enjoy the sight of a new scene while I’m at it. - -What scares me is surviving and being more miserable with a set back. That is typically what happens.. - -Thanks for reading",1,free suicidal ideation month distraught back place despair started new job stepping stone thought career goal seems something cut emotionally behavior therapist client honestly disturb sometimes feeling depressed feel hope frustrating third career path sleep quality dipping severely late time brain supposed heal seemingly unable eat consistently binging fasting new therapist seem much help recovering alcoholic addict finding craving escape substance option however would grant homelessness currently sober home hard connect people self critical mindset lately judging word every interaction even feeling internal homophobia feel may sign positive internal reset spiritual awakening overwhelming nothing feel comfortable right something snapped psyche year old four year ago essentially miserable since diagnosed bipolar type mean without medication proper self care e sleep episode severe depression mania wherein mind work overdrive may feel good fleeting moment ultimately disastrous life manic ruined credit score crashed car ruined relationship verbal violence byproduct lowered inhibition time sobriety medication meditation well new fork road regard career terrible sleep disturbing stressful nightmare utter confusion frustration result even bring suicidality tried quite time pill type pill intentional carbon monoxide poisoning cutting major artery pill alcohol life seems endless series pain suffering feel like getting car driving want drive remote area state foreign park car walk starve death find cliff enjoy sight new scene scare surviving miserable set back typically happens thanks reading -"(I've rewritten this 4 times within the past 2 hours. It's already 1:55AM and yet still had the patience for it.) - -I want to kill myself. And I'm stupid if I end up doing it. - -My reasoning? - -It was for a boy and my effortless attempt at making him happy without me in the picture. - -(He has Reddit, so I'm hoping he doesn't see this due to the fact we follow each other, but if he does, thanks for everything. Thanks for the laughs on the voicecall today and for making me smile everytime I open up the chat. I love you, and I could only pray that you'd love me too.)",1,rewritten time within past hour already yet still patience want kill stupid end reasoning boy effortless attempt making happy without picture reddit hoping see due fact follow thanks everything thanks laugh voicecall today making smile everytime open chat love could pray love -Think about it I cant do a single thing anymore and the fact that I just suck at everything is just totally fantastic (sarcasm) I just keep bottling up everything and everything. I thought about running away and dieing alone but I don't know how brutal that is.,1,think cant single thing anymore fact suck everything totally fantastic sarcasm keep bottling everything everything thought running away dieing alone know brutal -"Enough fentanyl to kill a gorilla. I’m sorry. I don’t wanna hurt my family but I can’t go on another day living as a junkie fuck up. Might as well end it. I love you, zoey, in case you’re reading this. I’m sorry",1,enough fentanyl kill gorilla sorry wan na hurt family go another day living junkie fuck might well end love zoey case reading sorry -It's not that had to understand,1,understand -"[anyone suffering from depression and or is suicidal, whatever it may be, I truly hope you the best, ik how hard it fucking is, unfortunately i lost the battle] - -it’s the last thing I wanted to do, I know I’m young, but fought for so long to be happy, exhausted every option but it’s just too much pain, not gonna get into all the details to what happened to cause a lot of this, feel like it wouldn’t accomplish anything & this post won’t even be noticed . just leaving a digital footprint ig (already wrote letters for my parents and little brother & close friends) - - this thing happened about when I was 18 and have been dealing w it since and it’s mentally taxing and caused severe depression, stress & pain & turned my once happy outgoing self threw it in a fucking blender - -Can’t say I didn’t try though, just gets to a point where every option available you took and you tried your hardest to get over what happened and get life back to normal and everything throws you back to the fuckin ground, Then you realize there really is nothing you can do and look back at how long you’ve been trying and how hard you tried, it’s painful n I’ll no longer by suffering by 10 pm. wish you all the best, stay solid ✊🏽",1,anyone suffering depression suicidal whatever may truly hope best ik hard fucking unfortunately lost battle last thing wanted know young fought long happy exhausted every option much pain gon na get detail happened cause lot feel like accomplish anything amp post even noticed leaving digital footprint ig already wrote letter parent little brother amp close friend thing happened dealing w since mentally taxing caused severe depression stress amp pain amp turned happy outgoing self threw fucking blender say try though get point every option available took tried hardest get happened get life back normal everything throw back fuckin ground realize really nothing look back long trying hard tried painful n longer suffering 0 pm wish best stay solid -,1,nan -I realized the only reason I haven’t killed myself is I don’t want to be a burden on my brother and cause him and harm. Idk realizing that made me freak the fuck out. The idea that I haven’t lived my life for myself for years is making me have the urges again for some reason and it’s scaring me. The only thing that gives me comfort is planning a day to end it so I don’t end it now. I really don’t want to be here anymore I feel like people only want me around when it’s convenient for them or when I can help them. I am a last resort for everyone because I have no needs at all. I fucking hate myself and the only people who care about me are the people who have to. This is stupid but it was cathartic to write lmao,1,realized reason killed want burden brother cause harm idk realizing made freak fuck idea lived life year making urge reason scaring thing give comfort planning day end end really want anymore feel like people want around convenient help last resort everyone need fucking hate people care people stupid cathartic write lmao -I purchased a helium tank. Just waiting for it to come. I don’t feel sad anymore. Just peaceful and ready for an exit,1,purchased helium tank waiting come feel sad anymore peaceful ready exit -"Had a long talk about my well being. I have a history of suicidal thoughts for about 5 years (see my page for details if you'd like) Anyways, they said that they're worried because I've been literally drained for weeks, work has me tied, have a weird ass headache for a month nearly, and I haven't been ""uppity"" like I usually am. - -Just tired of working to live and living to work. I have no college history, barely got through high school. No ambition, nothing. I dont want to keep working job to job until I can ""retire"" 40 years down the road. My folks said ""thats life! You have to push cause thats how its always gonna be"" I just told them ""if thats seriously how its going to be, struggling all my life. Id rather paint the ceiling with my fucking brains"" and walked off. Just man im tired guys, so tired.",1,long talk well history suicidal thought year see page detail like anyways said worried literally drained week work tied weird as headache month nearly uppity like usually tired working live living work college history barely got high school ambition nothing dont want keep working job job retire 0 year road folk said thats life push cause thats always gon na told thats seriously going struggling life id rather paint ceiling fucking brain walked man im tired guy tired -"Just feels like total shit honestly..Nobody texts me, it feels like nobody wants anything to do with me. I'm just so fucking lonely all I want is somebody to hold me and tell me it's okay but I'm so afraid of letting people see me broken. My friend kept trying to talk to me earlier he said I seemed out of it, which I was but I just said I was fine and pretended I wasn't bothered. I honestly don't know how much longer I can handle feeling like this, feeling so lonely and broken. I just wish I had somebody in my life who would talk to me and keep my occupied and make me feel wanted - -I'm such an asshole I killed the vibe when I was with my friends earlier and now they probably won't want to hangout or talk to me anymore - -I feel like such a failure and just wish I could die in my sleep sometimes I just don't want to do it anymore",1,feel like total shit honestly nobody text feel like nobody want anything fucking lonely want somebody hold tell okay afraid letting people see broken friend kept trying talk earlier said seemed said fine pretended bothered honestly know much longer handle feeling like feeling lonely broken wish somebody life would talk keep occupied make feel wanted asshole killed vibe friend earlier probably want hangout talk anymore feel like failure wish could die sleep sometimes want anymore -"Edit: I never really thought anyone would care but thank you so much for each of you for taking time out to console a random stranger. It meant a lot and while I spent the night contemplating just ending it, in the end, reading this comment section again and again helped a lot. - -I'm still here and that's counts for something, I guess.",1,edit never really thought anyone would care thank much taking time console random stranger meant lot spent night contemplating ending end reading comment section helped lot still count something guess -"I’ve been struggling with an eating disorder for five years now. It has stolen those years from me; crippled me from doing things I love due to my low body weight, made me unable to think rationally and study diligently. -My family are exhausted - mum especially; sleeping beside me because she’s terrified I’ll die alone in my sleep. It makes my heart rot thinking about the hours they’ve spent worrying about me, or the time and money flushed down the toilet finding me treatment. I always disappoint them. - -The mental health team I’ve been going to have been more harm than good. Mum tried to send me to them as early as she could after spotting my illness. They did nothing to prevent it from spiraling out of control - which it shortly did. I had a useless councillor who would stare at me in silence for an hour every week. Once she broke it to ask if I drank chocolate milk (pretty self-explanatory considering I had anorexia). My parents and I left each session in tears. -After politely asking if we could swap councillors, the team began bullying my mum. They thought we were attacking the councillor I was seeing. This meant they refused to offer me a bed at a residential care, and threatened to stop paying for my weekly doctors visits unless I disengaged in seeing a private therapist (whom I was making progress with). - -Today I found out my mum’s pleas to put me into residential care has been accepted. I’m scared shitless. What worries me most is how much they’ll fatten me up. I’ve read somewhere patients are only released once they’ve restored 75% of healthy weight. However, I’m also aware I’ll be alone with sick and possibly more malnourished kids than myself five hours away from home. -I lost it when I heard the news - screaming and crying my eyes out at my mum, who should never deserve to be treated like that; she has done everything she can to keep me alive. -Both her and my younger sister are so sick of me. My sister hardly ever speaks to me. When she does, it’s usually to yell at me for being an idiot and retarded. Once she even told me she was embarrassed to go out in public with “that” (me), and wished I died of cancer. Honestly, I wish so too - especially when I remember how close we used to be. - -I went to my mum after dinner to ask for some support. She told me I was so selfish for continuing to engage in a disordered lifestyle, and then taunted me when I said I couldn’t drink an additional supplement formula. -I’ve pushed those I love away from me. I’m so alone and lost. I’m praying to God I get sick and die, because then they wouldn’t think I was “doing it for attention” or “being selfish”. - -I’m so sorry for the rant, but I just don’t know what to do.",1,struggling eating disorder five year stolen year crippled thing love due low body weight made unable think rationally study diligently family exhausted mum especially sleeping beside terrified die alone sleep make heart rot thinking hour spent worrying time money flushed toilet finding treatment always disappoint mental health team going harm good mum tried send early could spotting illness nothing prevent spiraling control shortly useless councillor would stare silence hour every week broke ask drank chocolate milk pretty self explanatory considering anorexia parent left session tear politely asking could swap councillor team began bullying mum thought attacking councillor seeing meant refused offer bed residential care threatened stop paying weekly doctor visit unless disengaged seeing private therapist making progress today found mum plea put residential care accepted scared shitless worry much fatten read somewhere patient released restored healthy weight however also aware alone sick possibly malnourished kid five hour away home lost heard news screaming cry eye mum never deserve treated like done everything keep alive younger sister sick sister hardly ever speaks usually yell idiot retarded even told embarrassed go public wished died cancer honestly wish especially remember close used went mum dinner ask support told selfish continuing engage disordered lifestyle taunted said drink additional supplement formula pushed love away alone lost praying god get sick die think attention selfish sorry rant know -"I’ve been very close, yet I’ve been postponing for a while. - -On and off. - -To cut things short, I believe I may end up leaving sometime next week. - -There are a few reasons why. - -Otherwise, if I don’t, I am saving up for my mom to buy me a new AR. It’ll take about 2 months to get sufficient funds, but I am solely using it on myself. - - -I already have access to a firearm, but I am choosing not to do it now (unless I have to) because the caliber might not be sufficient enough. - - - -But yeah. No one sees the warning signs. - - -I may have potential, but I can’t live up to it. I’ll always fail. - - -I know many people that reads this will skip over, or not even care. I am just putting my thoughts somewhere. - - -No one will probably read it. - - -Oh well. - - -All I know is that I have tried my best. My circumstances are holding me hostage from flourishing in this world. I am only here to fulfill the needs of specific people. - -I am not loved. - -(I mean this with everything) - - -I’m basically here surviving alone, trying to keep myself sane under the conditions I’m under. - -My own interests are impossible to achieve. - - -I am a batshit crazy piece of shit, disguised as a well-mannered, average looking, tall, slim, smart person(According to them). - - - -But yeah. This is something I have extreme feelings for. - - -I truly believe I may end up going through with these plans sometime next week or sometime soon. - - -Id love to talk to SOMEONE about this. - - - -I’ve tried to reach out to “friends” before about how I’ve been feeling, and everyone talks to me one time and never check on me again. - - - -Honestly, im ready to fuckin get this shit overwith. - - -No one gives me a fuckin chance. - - - -LITERALLY. - -I’m getting fucking exhausted……. I’m tired of this planet. I just wish I could feel different at least…… - -I’m tired…… HELP ME!!!!!!",1,close yet postponing cut thing short believe may end leaving sometime next week reason otherwise saving mom buy new ar take month get sufficient fund solely using already access firearm choosing unless caliber might sufficient enough yeah one see warning sign may potential live always fail know many people read skip even care putting thought somewhere one probably read oh well know tried best circumstance holding hostage flourishing world fulfill need specific people loved mean everything basically surviving alone trying keep sane condition interest impossible achieve batshit crazy piece shit disguised well mannered average looking tall slim smart person according yeah something extreme feeling truly believe may end going plan sometime next week sometime soon id love talk someone tried reach friend feeling everyone talk one time never check honestly im ready fuckin get shit overwith one give fuckin chance literally getting fucking exhausted tired planet wish could feel different least tired help -59 today and I fucked up my life so bad . I suffer from some medical problems which has consumed my marriage pushing my wife away. I know she’s having a affair because I suffer from ED And must take a pill. Somehow she holds all that against me. We live in the same house but she refuses to go to counseling. Let’s face a fact. We were both not always so kind to each other for years . Things started getting better a couple years ago or so I though. Can’t sleep. Can’t eat. Has been well over a month without REM sleep. I get maybe a couple hours then wake up for hours doze off for another about 7. My body is tired. My mind is tired. I just want this to end the only way I know how. Trying some sleeping pills w muscle relaxer. Even going to take higher dose of insulin to put me out. She’s in another room so won’t know till morning if best.,1,9 today fucked life bad suffer medical problem consumed marriage pushing wife away know affair suffer ed must take pill somehow hold live house refuse go counseling let face fact always kind year thing started getting better couple year ago though sleep eat well month without rem sleep get maybe couple hour wake hour doze another body tired mind tired want end way know trying sleeping pill w muscle relaxer even going take higher dose insulin put another room know till morning best -"Almost Every day I get intrusive thoughts to kill myself. I’m having a perfectly normal day and then one thing happens and I immediately start thinking about how I should just die. I just turned 17 in February, and i was planning to do it before I turned 17. Now I’m planning to do it before I’m an adult. I can’t go into a store without going into the tools isle and looking at the 7 dollar rope. - -I can’t stop thinking about it. Right now I’m on a school trip in fucking Hawaii for god sakes (music festival) and all my classmates are having the time of their lives, but I was sitting alone trying to stop myself from crying on the bus. Now I’m in my hotel and the only friends, those friends fucking got in a group without me, so I’m in a room with sophomores that I don’t even know. - -My class, They all begged me to come here on the school trip for months before we came here, but I didn’t want to because I thought I would be dead by now. - -Now that I think about it, Hawaii would be a good place to end it. My room in the hotel has a balcony, we’ll see if I use it this week before I leave. - -Also I have derealization. -All of these things make me want to just leave this world for good. There���s more things to but I don’t wanna talk about it.",1,almost every day get intrusive thought kill perfectly normal day one thing happens immediately start thinking die turned february planning turned planning adult go store without going tool isle looking dollar rope stop thinking right school trip fucking hawaii god sake music festival classmate time life sitting alone trying stop cry bus hotel friend friend fucking got group without room sophomore even know class begged come school trip month came want thought would dead think hawaii would good place end room hotel balcony see use week leave also derealization thing make want leave world good thing wan na talk -,1,nan -"i moved. i cut off my toxic friends. i made new ones. i got a new job. got a new boyfriend. im going back to school in the fall. im in recovery from my eating disorder. i’ve done everything i could to stop these thoughts of killing myself. i don’t believe medication could help me at this point. i’ve been on three different ones now, like six different therapists as well, i think im destined to die by my own hand. maybe people like me weren’t meant to live long, and i think im starting to accept that. i feel like i’ve been dying for so long, it feels like an eternal fall that i’ve been trying to regain my balance from my whole life but there’s no stopping it now. i was doomed from the start.",1,moved cut toxic friend made new one got new job got new boyfriend im going back school fall im recovery eating disorder done everything could stop thought killing believe medication could help point three different one like six different therapist well think im destined die hand maybe people like meant live long think im starting accept feel like dying long feel like eternal fall trying regain balance whole life stopping doomed start -"Since I was a child I've battled depression. My first suicide attempt was when I was 12 because according to my religion, you're not liable for your sins until you reach maturity or puberty. So I figured I'm 12 and miserable so if I end it all now, I won't have to go to hell. Drank a bottle of Tylenol and ended up in a hospital getting my stomach pumped and swallowing charcoal. - -In college I met the love of my life. We understood each other on a level nobody would understand. We both had issues. Hers was that she was molested by her father. We were both fucked up and our relationship turned very very toxic. We'd break up and get back together all the time and her family never liked me because I was a year younger than her. They wanted someone ready to take her in and provide her with everything. - -The last time we broke up after 7 years of being together, she swallowed a bunch of pills and stopped breathing. She turned blue, ambulance was called, they resuscitated her but she stayed in a coma. Doctors tried to get the family to pull the plug because they said she's brain dead and even if she did wake up she wouldn't be the same. I stayed by her side the whole time, or as much as her family would let me. She stayed plugged in and 2 months later she woke up. Couldn't speak or feed herself or do anything. She was like a newborn baby. She went through therapy but couldn't get all her functions back. She's still in a wheelchair. Her body shakes uncontrollably so she can't feed herself. Seeing her like this broke me down in pieces. I couldn't see her like this and one day I left and never looked back. I still feel a lot of blame for this. I tried to have other relationships but they never work. - -I'm 30 now and live with my younger brother. Not talking to my other two brothers or my father. Don't really have much to live for. I have a problem with opioid prescription pills. The only way I get any type of relief but it's an expensive habit since I only use prescription pills. - -My mother who was never really there for me or my brothers growing up (she was always dating other men because she couldn't stand my father) has recently broke up with her latest husband and came to live with me and my younger brother. She's a drama queen who's always miserable and makes me and everyone else around miserable with her. - -I have a decent career with decent money but no goals really. - -I recently bought a few grams of heroin since I figured it would probably be the best way to go, dying high as fuck in pure bliss. I'm just shit scared of being resuscitated and ending up in a wheelchair like my ex, or being reincarnated into someone living in a third world country or even hell. I made my mom promise not to resuscitate me if anything were to happen to me. - -I'm just not happy. I have nothing to look forward to in my future. I'm thinking maybe I'll just take on the heroin habit without the intention to die and hope I accidentally od some day. I mean it happens like every 10 seconds in my country. - -I tried antidepressants and they work to help my mood sometimes, but if you really have nothing to live for, there's no cure for that. - -I also just lost my job so perfect timing for that. I don't even have the desire to look for another one. I wish I could just sleep and not wake up.",1,since child battled depression first suicide attempt according religion liable sin reach maturity puberty figured miserable end go hell drank bottle tylenol ended hospital getting stomach pumped swallowing charcoal college met love life understood level nobody would understand issue molested father fucked relationship turned toxic break get back together time family never liked year younger wanted someone ready take provide everything last time broke year together swallowed bunch pill stopped breathing turned blue ambulance called resuscitated stayed coma doctor tried get family pull plug said brain dead even wake stayed side whole time much family would let stayed plugged month later woke speak feed anything like newborn baby went therapy get function back still wheelchair body shake uncontrollably feed seeing like broke piece see like one day left never looked back still feel lot blame tried relationship never work 0 live younger brother talking two brother father really much live problem opioid prescription pill way get type relief expensive habit since use prescription pill mother never really brother growing always dating men stand father recently broke latest husband came live younger brother drama queen always miserable make everyone else around miserable decent career decent money goal really recently bought gram heroin since figured would probably best way go dying high fuck pure bliss shit scared resuscitated ending wheelchair like ex reincarnated someone living third world country even hell made mom promise resuscitate anything happen happy nothing look forward future thinking maybe take heroin habit without intention die hope accidentally od day mean happens like every 0 second country tried antidepressant work help mood sometimes really nothing live cure also lost job perfect timing even desire look another one wish could sleep wake -"I used to always think the answer to life was living. I really did. But this thing called living is abhorrently cruel. All that runs through my mind is, why would anyone else do it? - -They must know the answer to something I don't. They must know that, the only thing separating them from everyone else is the collective knowledge possessed to follow through. - -It is such a deep and passionate act, that, in reality the act itself is the meaning of life. The meaning of life is to die.",1,used always think answer life living really thing called living abhorrently cruel run mind would anyone else must know answer something must know thing separating everyone else collective knowledge possessed follow deep passionate act reality act meaning life meaning life die -"I am trying so hard to survive, but my mind is so much stronger than my body is. All I'm asking for is a break from this constant cycle. It's just not worth fighting anymore",1,trying hard survive mind much stronger body asking break constant cycle worth fighting anymore -"Life isn’t good. I opened up to some people, but I fear they are planning to put me in a psych ward. My shift is ending soon and I’m in a corner here. There’s no point in elaborating further.",1,life good opened people fear planning put psych ward shift ending soon corner point elaborating -"""You're so strong"". ""You're being so brave"". ""You're not alone"" ""You matter"". ""I/we/they Love you"". - -Does hearing these constantly repeated, empty phrases actually help anyone? All it ever does for me is drive the spike deeper into my heart and make me want to end my life all the more.",1,strong brave alone matter love hearing constantly repeated empty phrase actually help anyone ever drive spike deeper heart make want end life -FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK,1,fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck -"two of my friends are fighting and both of them are depressed lmfao and one of them is lashing out and yk hurt people hurt people lmfao and all that shit and the other one is different and it's weird and seems to have given up and i'm worried and it's self-sabotaging of myself to want to help them but is it bad to do that?? - -and every time i try to help someone i end up neglecting myself and ik that it will probably happen again btu do i even care anymore? - -i've always wanted to be the best i've always had to be the best i had to be perfect but now idk i just don't care if i'm mediocre if i don't get everything right and that'd be good actually lmfao like being more self-forgiving but no i think i'm just depressed like i've always been - -but shit idk everything's piling up and i'm scared and i want a way out and the way out that i thought i had doesn't seem to be working so god idk sometimes i just want to pop some pills and just fucking die wouldn't that be better - -like sure some people care about me here but they'd get over it right haha look at me i just don't care anymore it's so weird how much i've changed i used to hate the idea of suicide because everyone who loved me would be hurt but now they'd just get over it wouldn't they lmfao i'm overdramatic sorry this post is all over the place",1,two friend fighting depressed lmfao one lashing yk hurt people hurt people lmfao shit one different weird seems given worried self sabotaging want help bad every time try help someone end neglecting ik probably happen btu even care anymore always wanted best always best perfect idk care mediocre get everything right good actually lmfao like self forgiving think depressed like always shit idk everything piling scared want way way thought seem working god idk sometimes want pop pill fucking die better like sure people care get right haha look care anymore weird much changed used hate idea suicide everyone loved would hurt get lmfao overdramatic sorry post place -"(TRIGGER WARNING - SELF HARM) -Hello, I'm a 20 year old male and have Bipolar I, I was recently diagnosed but knew for years I was bipolar I just never had the courage to actually seek help due to the stigma. I've been on one medication already (Lamictal) that back fired on me and I'm hesitant but desperate to go on something else to help with the severe depression and suicidal ideations. I've never had thoughts of self harming but last night I started to and it's only intensifing, I scratched my arm raw earlier and I hate to even say that I'm ashamed. I fear I'll use a sharp object next and that scares me most of all because I don't trust myself to stop once I start. -I need someone to talk to I have no friends and my life is pure hell.",1,trigger warning self harm hello 0 year old male bipolar recently diagnosed knew year bipolar never courage actually seek help due stigma one medication already lamictal back fired hesitant desperate go something else help severe depression suicidal ideation never thought self harming last night started intensifing scratched arm raw earlier hate even say ashamed fear use sharp object next scare trust stop start need someone talk friend life pure hell -Everyday is just grey. I can only rot in bed all day. Nothing and no one can help. It’s over. It’s just over. I give up. I can’t handle this anymore.,1,everyday grey rot bed day nothing one help give handle anymore -"I’m a 16 yo guy and I want to die. - -I feel like a bad person. I have like 2 friends and I never hangout with them other than school. I have a gf, and I love her with all my heart, but I know she could do better. Not to be cocky or anything, but I’m probably top 5 smartest in my school of 1400. I will probably go to a decent college and have a lot of life ahead of me. I just feel tired with life though. - -I think I might be mentally ill. I’ve fallen into this personality of being the crazy person of the group. I hate silence because then I think about how much I hate myself. I say or ask random stuff to end the silence that make me seem retarded. - -I don’t smoke or do drugs, and not on any medication, but I was thinking last night that the way I want to die is an overdose. I work in fast food, and some of the people I talk to at work are drug dealers and I think they would sell to me. I’ve thought it through and maybe I buy multiple non lethal quantities and then use them all at once. - -I’ve been more depressed than usual this last week. I do football and wrestling, and it’s the off-season right now so I should have gone to an off-season wrestling practice. My gf knew I was doing this. The only time I’m really happy is when I’m around her. I needed to see her so I skipped practice to hangout with her. She was already with her girl friends and I didn’t want to be a jerk and just come out and say I need to be with you. - -Tonight I think is the limit. Im always horny. It’s all I think about and my gf rarely wants to have sex because she was molested in her sleep twice by a family friend she still sometime sees. This last week I kinda learned if I keep asking her she will give in. We were in my basement tonight and cuddling when I tried to finger her. I did not force her. I asked multiple times for consent. She let me do it and gave me a handjob. We both finished, and I said do you want to go to the park where we usually have car sex? She said yes so we went - -It was still kinda light out so we went to target and Walmart and walked around. She showed me this Lego set she wanted for herself. I was having a great time. When we got in the car, she said she didn’t want to have sex anymore. I was extremely disappointed because she got my hopes up. I did not force her though. She said she was sick of me always talking about sex. I replied saying it’s the only thing I can ever think about. She got mad and we sat in silence for a bit. She asked to go home but I begged her to stay out for another hour until our curfews. She agreed and went went to McDonald’s for sprite. I apologized probably 15 times about it, saying I’ll be better. - -I know she could do better than me, but I can’t bring myself to break up with her. She says she only wants me, but I want her to be happy with someone that would treat her better. I’ve decided to finally go to sleep and let her move on. - -But the important part is her period is 4 days late right now. She might be pregnant. Neither of us believe in abortion. If she is pregnant, I plan on staying alive and supporting it. If she’s not, I’m going to buy her the $100 Lego set she doesn’t want me to buy for her. I’m gonna overdose after that. I think I will write her a note saying sorry and it’s not her fault, one to the school and friends asking them to make jokes about it, and one to my 10 yo brother ,to say sorry and leave him everything I own, Xbox and $2000 in my bank. - -Sorry this was so long",1,yo guy want die feel like bad person like friend never hangout school gf love heart know could better cocky anything probably top smartest school 00 probably go decent college lot life ahead feel tired life though think might mentally ill fallen personality crazy person group hate silence think much hate say ask random stuff end silence make seem retarded smoke drug medication thinking last night way want die overdose work fast food people talk work drug dealer think would sell thought maybe buy multiple non lethal quantity use depressed usual last week football wrestling season right gone season wrestling practice gf knew time really happy around needed see skipped practice hangout already girl friend want jerk come say need tonight think limit im always horny think gf rarely want sex molested sleep twice family friend still sometime see last week kinda learned keep asking give basement tonight cuddling tried finger force asked multiple time consent let gave handjob finished said want go park usually car sex said yes went still kinda light went target walmart walked around showed lego set wanted great time got car said want sex anymore extremely disappointed got hope force though said sick always talking sex replied saying thing ever think got mad sat silence bit asked go home begged stay another hour curfew agreed went went mcdonald sprite apologized probably time saying better know could better bring break say want want happy someone would treat better decided finally go sleep let move important part period day late right might pregnant neither u believe abortion pregnant plan staying alive supporting going buy 00 lego set want buy gon na overdose think write note saying sorry fault one school friend asking make joke one 0 yo brother say sorry leave everything xbox 000 bank sorry long -"I want to end it so badly now. Everything in my life is pain. If it is not my own mind tearing me to pieces, it is how people treat me and people like me. I can't take this life. I have no real friends. I am a stranger to my family. I work so hard to eek out some sort of life, but all I have is a dinky apartment that I don't leave very often because I can't afford to do anything. I FUCKING HATE MY EXISTENCE. Every day stupid shit happens that have greater consequences (example: I was getting in bed and my knee bumped my nightstand which launched 32 oz of water on my router and soaked the bottom of the computer I have thrown a LOT of money and effort into. I don't even know if it will turn on. Anything I put effort into always gets destroyed. Everyone I love always leaves. - -Life is a pointless never-ending nightmare tomb with only one way out. I WANT THE FUCK OUT OF THIS HELL.",1,want end badly everything life pain mind tearing piece people treat people like take life real friend stranger family work hard eek sort life dinky apartment leave often afford anything fucking hate existence every day stupid shit happens greater consequence example getting bed knee bumped nightstand launched oz water router soaked bottom computer thrown lot money effort even know turn anything put effort always get destroyed everyone love always leaf life pointless never ending nightmare tomb one way want fuck hell -Not even a god damn crisis line wants to help me. Well fuck me then. I'm done. I can't deal with this pain anymore. It's too much for me. So many people have it so much worse but I can't get through my stupid little bull shit. I'm such a fucking coward. I'm sorry but I'm done with this shit.,1,even god damn crisis line want help well fuck done deal pain anymore much many people much worse get stupid little bull shit fucking coward sorry done shit -"""Some are born to sweet delight some are born to endless night"" - - -Guess I was born to endless night, it just proves that some people were born to suffer and suffer more than most people not for joy that's why normies can't understand us the people in this sub, they only think we are lazy ignoring our suffering and lots of mental problems and tell us to ""cheer up"" ""suicide is selfish"" ""our lives are great"" ""It gets better"" ""you are ungrateful"" LOL I just want to quit the game not being attacked by some ignorant folks I don't need these lies or false hopes my problems can't be cured and I know it thank you very much!",1,born sweet delight born endless night guess born endless night prof people born suffer suffer people joy normies understand u people sub think lazy ignoring suffering lot mental problem tell u cheer suicide selfish life great get better ungrateful lol want quit game attacked ignorant folk need lie false hope problem cured know thank much -" I'm not even in highschool. About to be. But I'm not. And I wanna fucking kill myself. It's all from dumb bullshit. Me being ugly, having a crush on a girl everyone hates so I have to pretend to hate her or I get beat up. I don't even want to do this because my brain says that I need to get rid of all emotions. When I get sad, my brain goes, don't do that you dont have any good reason to be sad. When I'm happy, my brain goes you don't have any reason to be happy. I'm only allowed to be angry and tired. And I'm tired. So fucking tired. I shouldn't be this fucking depressed to the point of wanting to kms. I'm not even in fucking highschool. I feel like I'm stripping others from attention they need, because I convince myself that my depression doesn't matter. There's so much going on constantly that I wanna blow my head off. Not to kms, but to get rid of all the bullshit going on. I don't want to explain all of it, but deep down I know I need to. I don't wanna tell anyone this because of so many many reasons. I can't even get into that. It's just fucking bullshit. I wanna just make a video saying fuck you to my school, and i love you to my mom. And then kms",1,even highschool wan na fucking kill dumb bullshit ugly crush girl everyone hate pretend hate get beat even want brain say need get rid emotion get sad brain go dont good reason sad happy brain go reason happy allowed angry tired tired fucking tired fucking depressed point wanting km even fucking highschool feel like stripping others attention need convince depression matter much going constantly wan na blow head km get rid bullshit going want explain deep know need wan na tell anyone many many reason even get fucking bullshit wan na make video saying fuck school love mom km -Just the same old stuff going on for years. I feel like I'm not good enough for anyone and it makes me feel inferior and less than everyone else.,1,old stuff going year feel like good enough anyone make feel inferior le everyone else -"So struggled with Suicidal symptoms. Have had a lot of suicide attempts in the past 5 years. but have been getting better within the last two years so improving slowly. Well i was until... - - -My bf of 6 months broke up with me last week and I can't deal with the guilt of knowing I pushed him away with my anxiety, ptsd and depression. - -The pain of heartbreak is too much rn and as foolish as it sounds it's very hard to take",1,struggled suicidal symptom lot suicide attempt past year getting better within last two year improving slowly well bf month broke last week deal guilt knowing pushed away anxiety ptsd depression pain heartbreak much rn foolish sound hard take -"This world is honestly a dark place filled with narcissistic people. I hate everyone, I really really do, I hate the smile and laughter of others, the only people I can care about are my family and other people I can empathize pain and just overall depression with. People have honestly just dragged me down to a dip hole that I have dug myself along with them. And honestly that hole is almost 6 feet, I can't stand almost anyone, my mother and some of her family, but most other people I just hate for no reason and I suppose it's the hate the world has given me. And also the way it just is now, people so self invested in themselves that empathy is being fully replaced will narcissism. - -I have almost nobody to talk to, it stresses my mom out I know it does, and I don't like to talk to other family because they tell my mom and it worries her, and my few friends never take me or my mental health seriously. I am a human but I have been treated like some type of animal or someone from another planet. - -I have minor autism and am also a Schizo (Not Schizophrenic I am a Schizo which are a little different) so people think differently of me. I also used to be such a happy and funny guy when I was younger, but as I got older people got meaner, and I got more sad because I was treated differently and had random people telling me they hate me or don't like me in school. And some I didn't even know.. I admit I was a little off the walls back then but it was mental issues and people gave me more than I already had. - -My hate for the world is strong, so strong that I honestly believe I deserve better than this fucked up, hateful, intolerant world... I just want peace, paradise, some type of better afterlife. This world is going to end soon, and we all deserve a bitter end, so even if I don't kill myself at least I can see the world end and all of us get the chaos and destruction we deserve, we have brought hate and destruction to our own home(Earth) - -They say we are one big happy family, but the reality of Earth is that we are one big, dysfunctional, toxic, family... A family that kill each other and are each other's biggest enemies along with each other. A family that has lost it's morals as time goes on, a family that has little love to give and more hate. What have we done to the world and ourselves? Right is wrong and wrong is right. - -My point of all of this is that is humans are nothing but garbage on this Earth. We don't recycle, some of us are treasure to some, some of us are thrown out and forgotten about, and some of us are littered and left to blow in the wind until we are picked up one day or are forgotten as well in the end. - -I hate the world, it is my biggest cause of depression, and that's how I know my depression will never end... Because the world keeps on going, and when it does end I end with it. So the way I see it is my depression will go on as long as the world goes on. Or until I'm forgotten about like a piece of garbage or I'm one of the pieces of junk that is treasure to others... - -Lately I have been severely depressed, more depressed than I have been in a long long long time. And I just want some people to know that this world eats you alive. And some of us have to accept being junk or treasure.... The world is a dark and hateful place, and Idk if I'll see a light one day or an even more dark place... I wish you all the best in this dark lonely world. A lot of us will never become treasure and will always be junk..",1,world honestly dark place filled narcissistic people hate everyone really really hate smile laughter others people care family people empathize pain overall depression people honestly dragged dip hole dug along honestly hole almost foot stand almost anyone mother family people hate reason suppose hate world given also way people self invested empathy fully replaced narcissism almost nobody talk stress mom know like talk family tell mom worry friend never take mental health seriously human treated like type animal someone another planet minor autism also schizo schizophrenic schizo little different people think differently also used happy funny guy younger got older people got meaner got sad treated differently random people telling hate like school even know admit little wall back mental issue people gave already hate world strong strong honestly believe deserve better fucked hateful intolerant world want peace paradise type better afterlife world going end soon deserve bitter end even kill least see world end u get chaos destruction deserve brought hate destruction home earth say one big happy family reality earth one big dysfunctional toxic family family kill biggest enemy along family lost moral time go family little love give hate done world right wrong wrong right point human nothing garbage earth recycle u treasure u thrown forgotten u littered left blow wind picked one day forgotten well end hate world biggest cause depression know depression never end world keep going end end way see depression go long world go forgotten like piece garbage one piece junk treasure others lately severely depressed depressed long long long time want people know world eats alive u accept junk treasure world dark hateful place idk see light one day even dark place wish best dark lonely world lot u never become treasure always junk -,1,nan -"I've had this thought for several years now and I can't break out of my thoughts. I hope you guys would understand me venting here. - -I have no friends. Well, I have ""friends"" who always seem to be busy around me but not around others. Pandemic didn't help with my loneliness. I am extremely lonely. I might be going crazy. The thought struck me when I realized that if I were to kill myself in my home, literally no one would notice me being gone. What's the point of living on? - -I am only passive suicidal, but I am worried my thoughts would one day consume my entire body and drive me to kill myself. In fact I was very close to actually committing suicide a few days ago. I tried calling the hotline and was not helpful. I cannot afford to go to get proper help. I'm sorry, I hope you guys weren't bothered too much reading this. Somebody please help me. Please.",1,thought several year break thought hope guy would understand venting friend well friend always seem busy around around others pandemic help loneliness extremely lonely might going crazy thought struck realized kill home literally one would notice gone point living passive suicidal worried thought would one day consume entire body drive kill fact close actually committing suicide day ago tried calling hotline helpful afford go get proper help sorry hope guy bothered much reading somebody please help please -"Almost jumped off a bridge the past two nights. I don't have the energy to walk to it rn but sitting in my bathroom with all my pills. - -I'm so tired. I don't want to leave my cat and have him stuck with my body :( - -but I'm so tired and tempted",1,almost jumped bridge past two night energy walk rn sitting bathroom pill tired want leave cat stuck body tired tempted -" -At this point I’m just tired of living and I miss my old life. I used to have a happy family with just me, my mom, and my dad. Then they had a kid, 10 days later my dad dies of stage 4 colon cancer. He already had Crohn’s disease so I wasn’t that surprised. Then my life slowly sank over the next decade. My friends started to become toxic and my new stepdad hated me. I got used to it. Recently I met this girl in school and I really like her (we’ve been talking a lot and I think she likes me). But I also keep having these dreams that feel like lifetimes. These dreams are about different people I know and they get to be so emotional. I get attached to some random people I barely know and develop a life with them (like a full blown 50 years of life). These dreams emotionally hurt me so much because then I develop feelings for these people. In some of these dreams I have kids and defend them emotionally from harmful family members. It’s stupid but it makes me want to kill myself. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I have these dreams endlessly and I cry after every single one. Every single night. I just had one about a random girl in my school. I dated her and had a kid and everything. I have to hide my emotions from my family every time I see them. I just want to die and be done.",1,point tired living miss old life used happy family mom dad kid 0 day later dad dy stage colon cancer already crohn disease surprised life slowly sank next decade friend started become toxic new stepdad hated got used recently met girl school really like talking lot think like also keep dream feel like lifetime dream different people know get emotional get attached random people barely know develop life like full blown 0 year life dream emotionally hurt much develop feeling people dream kid defend emotionally harmful family member stupid make want kill know anymore dream endlessly cry every single one every single night one random girl school dated kid everything hide emotion family every time see want die done -"i have a plan that should 100% work for me, it’ll be sometime in april. i just want everything to be over with, i’m not doing any of my work anymore. i’m not going to school, and i have never done that before. i’m at an all time low and i’m sick and tired of this constant hurt, constant pain and hurting others. i cant do this anymore man. i wish my last attempt worked. why didn’t it? i cant fucking take this anymore. i just want to go, i want to die. i cant stop crying, and hurting myself in multiple ways. i’m done. i’m tired of this. i don’t see myself ever living a happy life, and i don’t think i want to. i cant. i’m sorry.",1,plan 00 work sometime april want everything work anymore going school never done time low sick tired constant hurt constant pain hurting others cant anymore man wish last attempt worked cant fucking take anymore want go want die cant stop cry hurting multiple way done tired see ever living happy life think want cant sorry -"My boyfriend and I broke up recently. He says to ""Not count on us getting back together"". It hurts so much. Now my only hope in life is that this cut is truly infected and that it kills me. I don't want to hear the ""It gets better"" stuff. Nothing will. Life has always been hard for me, and losing him is too much to handle. Don't know why I'm posting, I guess I just want someone to make the tears go away so I can sleep and hopefully never wake up",1,boyfriend broke recently say count u getting back together hurt much hope life cut truly infected kill want hear get better stuff nothing life always hard losing much handle know posting guess want someone make tear go away sleep hopefully never wake -Just need someone to talk to. whether you’re listening to me or I’m listening to you too.,1,need someone talk whether listening listening -"I've come to the realization that I am, without a doubt, suicidal. But at the same time, my life has been, more or less, defined by suicide and I know all too well what it does to the people close to you. And because of that, I know that I'll never go through with it. - -Some background, I'm 34 years old and my first brush with suicide was when my father hung himself when I was 16. I doubt I ever really healed from that and 16 is still such a formidable age. I thought I was doing okay but the last couple of years have taken a toll. I'm also an Iraq veteran. I deployed in 2010-11 and in the last 4 years, 3 of the guys I served with have committed suicide. The most recent being 3 weeks ago. It doesn't get easier. - -I guess what I'm really getting at is, I feel like now I'm just in a 'run out the clock' situation with life. I have no motivation for anything, I don't really enjoy anything and I just don't want to be here anymore. But I won't put anyone that I love through the pain that I've felt and continue to feel. - -Is there anyone that is/has been in this frame of mind? Is there anything I can do to get out of it? Is this it? - -Thank you for reading. - -Much Love, - -M.",1,come realization without doubt suicidal time life le defined suicide know well people close know never go background year old first brush suicide father hung doubt ever really healed still formidable age thought okay last couple year taken toll also iraq veteran deployed 0 0 last year guy served committed suicide recent week ago get easier guess really getting feel like run clock situation life motivation anything really enjoy anything want anymore put anyone love pain felt continue feel anyone frame mind anything get thank reading much love -"Sorry, jumbled post as my mind is running a million miles an hour. - -Monday night, my husband was in a fatal accident. I literally cannot carry on without him. He was everything. - -Plus - This year has already been shitty, we were trying for a baby and miscarried. - -We always used to talk about dying, and promised each other to die at the same time (kind of as a joke, but also very serious) -It was our way of saying I can’t live without you. -The plan was to do it at 80, but we are 50 years too early. - -Now I need to get through the funeral and get his ashes to his family, and then I think it’s time to go.",1,sorry jumbled post mind running million mile hour monday night husband fatal accident literally carry without everything plus year already shitty trying baby miscarried always used talk dying promised die time kind joke also serious way saying live without plan 0 0 year early need get funeral get ash family think time go -"I hate when people tell me I am so strong or brave. - -I definitely don't feel like it. I wish I wasn't. I wish I could just end it for good. I don't want to keep being ""strong"" so that I can just keep suffering. - -It just makes me feel like a coward, honestly.",1,hate people tell strong brave definitely feel like wish wish could end good want keep strong keep suffering make feel like coward honestly -i cant stop myself from purging my meals even when i know i'm days away from dying,1,cant stop purging meal even know day away dying -,1,nan -"It’s so tiring to keep going, I just can’t stand it anymore, I wish it all would end.",1,tiring keep going stand anymore wish would end -"Every day I wake up and it’s the same as yesterday I cry my eyes out for hours and go back to sleep. knowing I have to live another day is absolutely awful. I just want to die my best friend was put in a mental institution because he tried to kill himself and I’m not allowed to see him the last thing he said was that he knew about my suicidal thoughts and told me to do better than him. My girlfriend doesn’t know but she’s the only person in my life right now because my entire family disowned me because I’m non binary and she is the only reason I’m still around and I’m doubting if even she still likes me because I just cry and cry and the gun in my neighbours cabinet is looking more and more tempting and I’m now curious what death feels like and I envy my brother who shot himself a year and a half ago he was the only family member I had that still loved me - -Everything is bullshit",1,every day wake yesterday cry eye hour go back sleep knowing live another day absolutely awful want die best friend put mental institution tried kill allowed see last thing said knew suicidal thought told better girlfriend know person life right entire family disowned non binary reason still around doubting even still like cry cry gun neighbour cabinet looking tempting curious death feel like envy brother shot year half ago family member still loved everything bullshit -"I'm been feeling useless, my anxiety increases everyday, I overthink so much, I am overwhelmed almost every day, no enjoyment in small things, always accepting what is not good or best for me, I've lost interest in doing anything, I'm such an obstacle to every person around me, I want to die badly, I want a their lives without me, I want them to forget me so much that they don't know me, I want to push people away, I've only been burdening them, I want to give my life to someone who still want to live, I've been feeling like this since highschool. -This actually begins since I was a child, I was never afraid to die, it only became much worst since 3 years ago, I've seen many deaths elder and young ones, two of my elementary classmates die at early age that I want to trade my life badly. But I am lucky that I have not been feeling regrets ever since childhood -I'm such a complicated person please don't try to understand me, only after reading this post like I said I'm such a complicated person, I'm only writing this stuff because I want to but what gives, people don't actually understand this kind of mindset, it's not like they care🙃🙆 -I really want to disappear I really want to die Just this one simple request that can never be given to me I guess I just have to make it happen",1,feeling useless anxiety increase everyday overthink much overwhelmed almost every day enjoyment small thing always accepting good best lost interest anything obstacle every person around want die badly want life without want forget much know want push people away burdening want give life someone still want live feeling like since highschool actually begin since child never afraid die became much worst since year ago seen many death elder young one two elementary classmate die early age want trade life badly lucky feeling regret ever since childhood complicated person please try understand reading post like said complicated person writing stuff want give people actually understand kind mindset like care really want disappear really want die one simple request never given guess make happen -These few days my mother has been telling me how much of a disappointment I am and I totally agree with her. I only bring bad energy in the house and I always mess something up. for the 15 years I’ve been alive I haven’t made 1 positive impact on my mothers life or society. I wanna die,1,day mother telling much disappointment totally agree bring bad energy house always mess something year alive made positive impact mother life society wan na die -"I’ve made multiple posts of this same topic as a way to seek help wherever I can. I have no desire to be alive anymore. Everyday I wake up I think of ways of taking my life because I have lost every single friend who was ever important to me. I am 24 year old black non-passing transwoman who decided to begin transitioning at 21. I’ve gotten to the point of getting my name changed, but now I feel that it may have all been a mistake. - -It’s not that I feel like I’m not trans anymore, but that I can no longer take the pain and judgment of being trans. I was taking seven pills a day with hormones and had a huge increase in emotional irregularity, anxiety, and stress. I embarrassed myself in several ways to friends that I valued and after two months of reckless sex and drug abuse I found everyone around me pushing me away. - -It’s been six months since my last suicide attempt and everyday I wake in pain of missing my friends. As I relive all the things that happened I just want to end it all. I want to try to repair the friendship, but a large part of me feels things may never be the same again. I also want to just move on, but the guilt I feel may live inside me forever. I really don’t know what to do at this point.",1,made multiple post topic way seek help wherever desire alive anymore everyday wake think way taking life lost every single friend ever important year old black non passing transwoman decided begin transitioning gotten point getting name changed feel may mistake feel like trans anymore longer take pain judgment trans taking seven pill day hormone huge increase emotional irregularity anxiety stress embarrassed several way friend valued two month reckless sex drug abuse found everyone around pushing away six month since last suicide attempt everyday wake pain missing friend relive thing happened want end want try repair friendship large part feel thing may never also want move guilt feel may live inside forever really know point -"(third post on this subreddit from this account) - -Most days are anxiety-inducing. I spend the majority of my life in my bed. No job, struggling to complete my coursework, or even just to take a shower. - -As of the last year, these days that I have struggled with since I was ten, have become many and far in between. I wake up dreading the fear that the day will bring, the arguments, the pain, and the inevitability of my own suicide. I know one day the suffering will be too much to bear and without doubt, I will hurt many people. I have felt for months that day is getting closer than ever. - -A few days, when the arguments subside and I feel a little more hopeful about where my life is going, I am filled with a passion and love for everything about life that I hate. I want to strive to get a job, get my license, succeed in college again, reach out to people, and take care of myself in ways that I can't bear to do usually. I still have hope. I crave to escape the hole that I am in, but it feels inescapable. Whenever I try to turn my life into something more positive I am met with another detrimental setback that puts me at square one all over again. It makes me fear being happy because I know those periods will only last a few days at most. - -I feel so desperate to not feel miserable. I really don't want to die but I am sick of this cycle. I see other people so content, in loving relationships with families and I crave it so badly. I feel helpless to my own circumstances, and I am unsure of how to get better. ",1,third post subreddit account day anxiety inducing spend majority life bed job struggling complete coursework even take shower last year day struggled since ten become many far wake dreading fear day bring argument pain inevitability suicide know one day suffering much bear without doubt hurt many people felt month day getting closer ever day argument subside feel little hopeful life going filled passion love everything life hate want strive get job get license succeed college reach people take care way bear usually still hope crave escape hole feel inescapable whenever try turn life something positive met another detrimental setback put square one make fear happy know period last day feel desperate feel miserable really want die sick cycle see people content loving relationship family crave badly feel helpless circumstance unsure get better -"I can’t do this anymore, I genuinely can’t. It’s gotten to the point where everything is too difficult and I want to quit. I have severe panic attacks when I can’t cut deep enough. I just relapsed and it wasn’t even worth it. The cuts weren’t deep enough it doesn’t even matter. I don’t want to be here anymore. It’s just an endless cycle of nonstop difficulty. Every night it’s the same thing. The days seem to blend together. What does it matter anymore if I’m here. The world will still turn, I’ve never made that much of a difference. Who would even care? I’m exhausted, please let me rest.",1,anymore genuinely gotten point everything difficult want quit severe panic attack cut deep enough relapsed even worth cut deep enough even matter want anymore endless cycle nonstop difficulty every night thing day seem blend together matter anymore world still turn never made much difference would even care exhausted please let rest -"It seems like it's just who/how I am that's making me this miserable. I've tried it all, it just seems hopeless...",1,seems like making miserable tried seems hopeless -How do you get over it,1,get -"I attract awful people into my life because I myself am an awful person. I’m not oblivious to the fact that I’m flawed. I keep going back and forth on wether I should become a better person because everyone that has ever done anything great was actually a monster with sharp fangs. The duality of life in human consciousness often torments me and I always feel pulled in either direction causing me to have suicidal thoughts. I try to be good, people pick me apart and peel my scabs. I give into darkness, and the universe rewards me with earthly delights while my soul weeps the price. Is the concept of becoming a better person just used to keep us all docile? I yearn to return to my eternal sleep but I have these idea that life is worth living simply because the other side is where we go when we do not dream. Nothing. No things. Even now I cannot decide whether I want to live or die which just goes to illustrate the main point of this post. This life is a mess of confusion, the emphasis on being a “good” person makes me feel like shit for the person I am, yet assimilation looks to me like narcissistic delusion. No good deed goes unpunished. The path to hell is paved with good intentions. Is the only to bring true good into this world through evil? Fuck. Having. A. Brain.",1,attract awful people life awful person oblivious fact flawed keep going back forth wether become better person everyone ever done anything great actually monster sharp fang duality life human consciousness often torment always feel pulled either direction causing suicidal thought try good people pick apart peel scab give darkness universe reward earthly delight soul weeps price concept becoming better person used keep u docile yearn return eternal sleep idea life worth living simply side go dream nothing thing even decide whether want live die go illustrate main point post life mess confusion emphasis good person make feel like shit person yet assimilation look like narcissistic delusion good deed go unpunished path hell paved good intention bring true good world evil fuck brain -I tried several times to write a suicide note but i kept giving up because i realized im actually going through with it so what does it matter lol? im going to be dead. ill never love or feel again. not that i ever really felt anything anyway lol. i ate some orange chicken and rice and some granola bars with frosting lmao. and some mandatory energy drinks of course. i watched some high school dxd and lit some paper on fire. now im listening to obscure hex cult music from brazil staring at the wall. i can feel the noose in my closet waiting for me. im coming sweetheart dont worry. just want to throw something into the void first lol. i tied it up and everything already. put my head in twice. its itchy as fuck lol. plus its throwing weird rope dust everywhere. idk lol. shoutout to spaceghostpurrp and domd and hi c and evaboy and idk lol. we out. !!! fr lmao. goodbye to every human being on earth and every animal and anything that ever hurt inside. hopefully we all find love in the end.,1,tried several time write suicide note kept giving realized im actually going matter lol im going dead ill never love feel ever really felt anything anyway lol ate orange chicken rice granola bar frosting lmao mandatory energy drink course watched high school dxd lit paper fire im listening obscure hex cult music brazil staring wall feel noose closet waiting im coming sweetheart dont worry want throw something void first lol tied everything already put head twice itchy fuck lol plus throwing weird rope dust everywhere idk lol shoutout spaceghostpurrp domd hi c evaboy idk lol fr lmao goodbye every human earth every animal anything ever hurt inside hopefully find love end -"I wish I could end all these exhaustions. There is no way to fix my situation, and things are getting worse day by day.",1,wish could end exhaustion way fix situation thing getting worse day day -im sorry im so fucking sorry i don’t know why i act this way im so fucking angry and im so fucking sad that it hurts but i wish you would understand why i act the way i do im sorry i feel so sick i wish i never met my abusers i wish i could just act how i should i wish i didn’t treat everyone like shit im manipulative im awful im terrible im disgusting i deserve to bleed out im sorry please i would beg for your forgiveness but i know i’d just end up doing it again if you were my friend again i can’t stop cutting myself i can’t finish my food i can’t stop crying i am so sad i am so tired it hurts it hurts so bad i deserve the karma i am going to get for treating ppl this way,1,im sorry im fucking sorry know act way im fucking angry im fucking sad hurt wish would understand act way im sorry feel sick wish never met abuser wish could act wish treat everyone like shit im manipulative im awful im terrible im disgusting deserve bleed im sorry please would beg forgiveness know end friend stop cutting finish food stop cry sad tired hurt hurt bad deserve karma going get treating ppl way -,1,nan -" -I’m just so scared of the future, I’m making specific scenarios of me getting hurt by someone I love and each time it usually ends up with me wanting to or actually killings myself. - -I say I don’t want to kill my self at the moment, but what about the future? - - -: (",1,scared future making specific scenario getting hurt someone love time usually end wanting actually killing say want kill self moment future -"Theres too much evidence, too many coincidences, to many alignments. God is on my side when I say that I'm supposed to die of suicide, and I am the only person who has the decide whether or not I deserve to die. I can justify it too.",1,there much evidence many coincidence many alignment god side say supposed die suicide person decide whether deserve die justify -"my life is meaningless. im a junior in high school, don’t know what I wanna do when I grow up. my whole friend group is seniors who all are leaving me and moving away to knew colleges. they don’t know this but their quite literally the only reason im even alive right now. they give me motivation to wake up in the morning. the days im alone and don’t see them im always just depressed. it’s almost like their my medicine. i just know once i finally move away to be on my own im going to end my life, so i just would rather not delay the inevitable. i don’t even think my friends would care that much. they’ve already told me things about killing my self as a joke, not knowing the state im in. and it’s really not their fault, i know their just joking and that they mean no harm by it. it’s just that im obviously fucked up in the head. i sometimes would just rather wish that I’d get into a almost deadly car accident that wasn’t my fault just so i can maybe appreciate life more. id also like to know how my friends and love ones would react to see if they’d actually care. i think about this a lot when im driving and it tends to make me speed and drive recklessly. i just want a reason to live honestly.",1,life meaningless im junior high school know wan na grow whole friend group senior leaving moving away knew college know quite literally reason im even alive right give motivation wake morning day im alone see im always depressed almost like medicine know finally move away im going end life would rather delay inevitable even think friend would care much already told thing killing self joke knowing state im really fault know joking mean harm im obviously fucked head sometimes would rather wish get almost deadly car accident fault maybe appreciate life id also like know friend love one would react see actually care think lot im driving tends make speed drive recklessly want reason live honestly -"Feeling really cynical about it. My life is a fucking mess, been two weeks I don’t sleep, getting crazier and crazier everyday, but don’t have any room for taking care of myself because of a 60h/week study, contest to come, and even my weekends being splitted between people I need to see. Right now, just thinking I’ll kill myself after all these contest if I don’t blow up before then. Taking rest is a no-no, I have diagnosed disability that my teachers don’t care about. Dying seem like my only escape and comforting thought",1,feeling really cynical life fucking mess two week sleep getting crazier crazier everyday room taking care 0h week study contest come even weekend splitted people need see right thinking kill contest blow taking rest diagnosed disability teacher care dying seem like escape comforting thought -"Hello all, I am 23 M and I have come here to share something that has been bothering me for a lot of years now. I hate they way I look. I did not win the genetic lottery by any means and it makes we wana kill myself to be honest. - -I have never been on a date and never had a girlfriend. Yea........you can laugh it's all cool. Looks do matter and it's the truth. This “personality matters” thing is all bullcrap. People are attracted towards good looking people, especially women. - -It feels really sad and lonely to be unloved. Realising that I will never have a loved one or even if I do she might cheat on me because of the way I look is..... unbearable. I barely have anyone to talk to. I thought I would share this here. - -I wish I die in my sleep. That's all I wish for each day.",1,hello come share something bothering lot year hate way look win genetic lottery mean make wana kill honest never date never girlfriend yea laugh cool look matter truth personality matter thing bullcrap people attracted towards good looking people especially woman feel really sad lonely unloved realising never loved one even might cheat way look unbearable barely anyone talk thought would share wish die sleep wish day -"Ha. Oh god I don't know why I'm laughing so much. I think if I could feel anything I would be scared. I'm laughing and I'm crying I don't know what to do. I think my friend is suicidal. Scrap that. I know they are. And the problem is I'm kind of suicidal too. - - -I see no point in life, but I've become sort of stuck in a rut of repressed emotions for a while. I feel nothing, so I have no desire to do anything, let alone to kill myself. But I'm worried they do. They said they would see me tomorrow, so I don't think they're going to do it tonight. They said they want to, but they see no point, because they always fail. - - -I don't know what to do. I cant ask for help for them because I promised confidentiality, and I know the pain of that trust being broken. I can't do that to them. That is not an option. I know they're safe for tonight. The only problem is I don't know how to make them feel better. Or if I can. I'm terrible at comforting people at the best of times, and now, I'm half asleep and I think I'm a little triggered. - -( for context My dad used to always tell me he was going to kill himself if I left him, and he would detail how worthless he was and ways he would kill himself and sometimes he would SH and almost attempt in front of me, as well as me being suicidal myself on multiple occasions, so it's a touchy subject) - -I don't need people telling me to call the police or tell anyone else. I need advice on how to make them feel better. I can't bear the thought of one of my friends feeling how I feel, or rather how I've felt. It's fucking torture, and they do not deserve that shit. They said they can't talk because they feel like an attention seeker, and I tried to reassure them but I'm crap at it. Please I'm begging you, give me some advice, something I can do to make them feel better. The thought of them in pain is agonising. They don't deserve that. I just need some ideas on what to do. What to say. Please.",1,ha oh god know laughing much think could feel anything would scared laughing cry know think friend suicidal scrap know problem kind suicidal see point life become sort stuck rut repressed emotion feel nothing desire anything let alone kill worried said would see tomorrow think going tonight said want see point always fail know cant ask help promised confidentiality know pain trust broken option know safe tonight problem know make feel better terrible comforting people best time half asleep think little triggered context dad used always tell going kill left would detail worthless way would kill sometimes would sh almost attempt front well suicidal multiple occasion touchy subject need people telling call police tell anyone else need advice make feel better bear thought one friend feeling feel rather felt fucking torture deserve shit said talk feel like attention seeker tried reassure crap please begging give advice something make feel better thought pain agonising deserve need idea say please -"I am feeling too depressed to type much, my brain and body are so slow, it's like they're shutting down. I am just so tired of feeling this way. I want it to stop so badly.",1,feeling depressed type much brain body slow like shutting tired feeling way want stop badly -"Fuck, it’s just perfect torture. God I could not make it any better myself honestly. I give credit to those torturing me. Y’all made me just perfectly susceptible for this shit in my hell. - -Odd why a god makes a person as he devices their hell. Why make them in the first place, and why make them do what you would punish them for. - -This post like everything will not help. But if gets the stuff off my mind.",1,fuck perfect torture god could make better honestly give credit torturing made perfectly susceptible shit hell odd god make person device hell make first place make would punish post like everything help get stuff mind -"I have no one. I'm alone. That's why abusers target me. No one cares about me. If I had someone, that wouldn't happen.",1,one alone abuser target one care someone happen -"my last post, goodbye",1,last post goodbye -"Headed out to a state with lax gun laws. Considering buying an over under in cash at a Walmart with a box of 00. The thought keeps running through my mind, I fantasize and visualize how I will do it and where to not be found. I'm probably gonna throw away all my unsightly possessions tomorrow before I head out. I am suffering.",1,headed state lax gun law considering buying cash walmart box 00 thought keep running mind fantasize visualize found probably gon na throw away unsightly possession tomorrow head suffering -Anybody just let me know. I’m here to listen and meet new People,1,anybody let know listen meet new people -"I highly expect to get a lot of pushback on this one but hear me out... For years I've been in a horrible mental space with no hope of getting out. The way I see it, I never consented to being here, I no longer desire to live on this planet, and I'm scared to do the deed myself. As far as I'm concerned, either my mom or dad should be required to take me out, since they're the ones who brought me into this world. Fin.",1,highly expect get lot pushback one hear year horrible mental space hope getting way see never consented longer desire live planet scared deed far concerned either mom dad required take since one brought world fin -"I've been trying to find a day best to off myself, i was being cautious of my family's birthdays and holidays and my birthday seems to fit perfectly in the timeline as to not ruin their coming days. I just don't see the point in life, honestly, what is the point in living? I'm too depressed to practise, to go to lessons, to take care of myself, to do anything. And even if I wasn't too depressed to do these thigs, what is the fucking point? Do you know how humiliating it is when people see potential in you but you're too fucking depressed to try? It makes me even more depressed knowing im a wasted potential. Look at me now gloating about this shit, this is why i hate myself. Honestly my birthday is the worst day of the year for me, i absolutely despise it. But knowing I can plan my death for my birthday is indescribably peaceful. I hate how even the things I used to enjoy doing are a chore, everything is just a fucking chore. Typing this is a fucking chore. I hate the fact that the one person who was preventing me can't even give me doubts now. Depression just builds onto itself, it builds and towers and then it fucking collapses on you.",1,trying find day best cautious family birthday holiday birthday seems fit perfectly timeline ruin coming day see point life honestly point living depressed practise go lesson take care anything even depressed thigs fucking point know humiliating people see potential fucking depressed try make even depressed knowing im wasted potential look gloating shit hate honestly birthday worst day year absolutely despise knowing plan death birthday indescribably peaceful hate even thing used enjoy chore everything fucking chore typing fucking chore hate fact one person preventing even give doubt depression build onto build tower fucking collapse -"I had so many suicidal thoughts last night while I was driving to try to make myself feel better. I thought drowning is scary but I can go put my car in the river and drown. Then I went well let’s look up to see what medications we have that might do it. I’m just so tired. I’ve tried so many different medications at this point. I do therapy. Nothing has worked. I’m still holding onto a little sliver of hope things won’t always be this way. Maybe one day I can keep my house clean all the time. Maybe one day I won’t be so stressed and anxious. Maybe one day I’ll be able to stay consistent and do well at my job. If feels like it’s further and further away. I also just believe I’m a total fucking failure at 26 and discredit all the things I’ve done because it’s just not good enough to me. I don’t know how to stop the negative self talk. Oh, and I’m also sometimes hearing voices lately. Sometimes I know they’re not there/real. Other times, they sound like they’re right next to my window or in my house. I really wish I could just not exist for a week or a month. Why can’t I just shut it all fucking off for a while? I even just had a nice date with my partner, and I’m already back to thinking well, I should still kill myself soon.",1,many suicidal thought last night driving try make feel better thought drowning scary go put car river drown went well let look see medication might tired tried many different medication point therapy nothing worked still holding onto little sliver hope thing always way maybe one day keep house clean time maybe one day stressed anxious maybe one day able stay consistent well job feel like away also believe total fucking failure discredit thing done good enough know stop negative self talk oh also sometimes hearing voice lately sometimes know real time sound like right next window house really wish could exist week month shut fucking even nice date partner already back thinking well still kill soon -"I hate myself this probably sound cringey -But I do I hate myself my friends call me fat as a joke and id like to take it as a joke but I can’t I can’t I can’t I can’t I feel like they hate me I have no evidence they do but I hate myself I’m worthless I can’t even describe myself without wanting to kill my self all my friends are either small and skinny or lanky I’m chubby but they make me feel awful they jokes about me behind my back I have a true friend well I hope he’s true that tells me this even though I ask him to do it I don’t want after each “joke” I hear I want to die I can’t tell anyone that would rope them into my mess and I’m probably the least suspecting person to think this because I’ve been faking a smile for 4 years since I was 10 at 10 years old I wanted to die hate myself I don’t know who to blame but me I’m useless I had a failed suicide attempt at age 12 at fucking 12 I tried to slit my own wrist I’m only here because I love my parents and my dogs but as soon as they die I have nothing but my own thoughts which I feel like are against me",1,hate probably sound cringey hate friend call fat joke id like take joke feel like hate evidence hate worthless even describe without wanting kill self friend either small skinny lanky chubby make feel awful joke behind back true friend well hope true tell even though ask want joke hear want die tell anyone would rope mess probably least suspecting person think faking smile year since 0 0 year old wanted die hate know blame useless failed suicide attempt age fucking tried slit wrist love parent dog soon die nothing thought feel like -"Not sure why I'm doing what I'm doing. Not sure why I'm writing this. It feels like there's no point in doing anything. I am not happy currently and I will not have a future, so why do I do anything? - -I try to push all my problems to the back of my mind, but that doesn't fix anything. I still question what the point of doing anything is. I'm so happy I defeated this super hard boss in this game!!! But, what greater purpose does defeating that boss have? What greater purpose does completing a video game have? Fundamentally, I do not enjoy life, so all I'm doing by playing games is distracting myself. It doesn't matter if said game I played adds to my knowledge or expands my worldview because I know I will kill myself in the future. Right now I'm just on autopilot. - -For years I've tried not to think about my problems and had hope that things would get better. But I had false hope. Things haven't gotten better. There's only a slim chance things will ever get better. I wish I realised this sooner. Maybe the fact people keep repeating that one generic line, ""things will get better"" was why I believed they would. Now, I've learned hope is nothing but a coping mechanism. - -Im just so frustrated that my consciousness was ever brought into existence. Why couldn't I have stayed in the void? Now I see no point in doing anything. I'm just floating here unsure of what direction to go in. I'm unsure if there is any point in watching a movie, letalone making any meaningful decisions. I'm stuck in limbo. - -I told myself I'd wait this year out at least, but I'm starting to see there's really no point in prolonging the inevitable. So why am I here writing this? - -Not sure what this will do. Not sure about anything",1,sure sure writing feel like point anything happy currently future anything try push problem back mind fix anything still question point anything happy defeated super hard bos game greater purpose defeating bos greater purpose completing video game fundamentally enjoy life playing game distracting matter said game played add knowledge expands worldview know kill future right autopilot year tried think problem hope thing would get better false hope thing gotten better slim chance thing ever get better wish realised sooner maybe fact people keep repeating one generic line thing get better believed would learned hope nothing coping mechanism im frustrated consciousness ever brought existence stayed void see point anything floating unsure direction go unsure point watching movie letalone making meaningful decision stuck limbo told wait year least starting see really point prolonging inevitable writing sure sure anything -"Long story short… I haven’t been feeling well for the past two weeks, I think it’s a depressive episode. The day befroee yesterday I was already damn done with life, but yesterday was my final straw. I have only seriously had suicidal thoughts 5 times in my life, and have never wanted to do actually do it before. (I have a fear of death), but yesterday was horrible. I was actively searching for stuff to kill me. - -And as I expected, my family’s first reaction is to scold me, saying that even during school holidays they have to worry about my ass, and I’m not even in school right now, what do I have to be suicidal about. They just straight up scolded me, did not give a fuck otherwise. - -It’s been a day…and idk everyone’s pissed at me and I’m at my wits end. I’m actively asking to be hospitalised but the people who actually has the authority to do that are too pissed at me to want to do that. And complaining about how “it cost so much to go, u are hurting all of us, what happens if it’s in the record for the rest of your life?” - -First of all, what life? My whole life my family dynamic is fucking bullshit, it’s not abusive or even manipulative. It’s just that no one communicates with each other, probably because we know when we do, fighting will ensue. So no one talks to one another… idk what I can do all the time, the rules change all the time, idk how to talk to them, Idk what they want from me. - -This cycle is just gonna continue until 1 day I eventually snap at them or snap at myself. If I snap at them, I’m gonna get scolded. I knew the only reason they would actually not scold me is if I actually did it, but I know if I did it, I would have let them won and I will most likely survive. And I hate that only if I actually did it would they actually care about me. I do not know what I’ll do for the next few days and I don’t trust myself. I actually wanna go to the hospital but no one lets me. For Fucks sake idk what to do anymore",1,long story short feeling well past two week think depressive episode day befroee yesterday already damn done life yesterday final straw seriously suicidal thought time life never wanted actually fear death yesterday horrible actively searching stuff kill expected family first reaction scold saying even school holiday worry as even school right suicidal straight scolded give fuck otherwise day idk everyone pissed wit end actively asking hospitalised people actually authority pissed want complaining cost much go u hurting u happens record rest life first life whole life family dynamic fucking bullshit abusive even manipulative one communicates probably know fighting ensue one talk one another idk time rule change time idk talk idk want cycle gon na continue day eventually snap snap snap gon na get scolded knew reason would actually scold actually know would let likely survive hate actually would actually care know next day trust actually wan na go hospital one let fuck sake idk anymore -I will eventually give up.. I know whoever reading this does not care.. so don’t comment anything unless you are absolutely inclined to. After I die I will ask god to destroy my spirit and make it as if I never existed.. I hate anything having to do with existing… everything that it brings.. the people.. the negativity… the bullying… its just nonstop… I wish to have never experienced this life or anything having to do with it… this life is inherently evil and whoever made me wanted all the bad things to happen to me.. I guess I will just row out to sea and wait for a storm or tie my legs to a boulder and drop 300 feet to ocean floor… anything.. anything I gotta do to get off this shit.. I will go out of my way to cause my life to end..,1,eventually give know whoever reading care comment anything unless absolutely inclined die ask god destroy spirit make never existed hate anything existing everything brings people negativity bullying nonstop wish never experienced life anything life inherently evil whoever made wanted bad thing happen guess row sea wait storm tie leg boulder drop 00 foot ocean floor anything anything got ta get shit go way cause life end -Surely just hanging there being asphyxiated by the rope will kill you eventually if the above mentioned things don’t happen?,1,surely hanging asphyxiated rope kill eventually mentioned thing happen -"I'm so tired of the pain, hating myself and having no future. I cant do this anymore",1,tired pain hating future cant anymore -"I feel like I just need to have a long, long chat with one person about how i feel constantly. I’m not in crisis or anything, I just want to know what’s going on in my head so i can stop my self destructiveness because i don’t even know what i do to mentally kill my self. -Thank you",1,feel like need long long chat one person feel constantly crisis anything want know going head stop self destructiveness even know mentally kill self thank -"yeah so basically me and my bf (both 16) have been in a very good relationship for about a year and 1 month, and we were just texting, like we normally do every night, and he told me that he’s suicidal, and thinks about hurting himself a lot, how do I deal with this information? how can I help him? he already said he doesn’t want to go to therapy since that would require him telling his parents and I assume he’s really embarrassed about it, so what can I do to help him? I’ve never had to deal with anything like this before so I have no idea :/",1,yeah basically bf good relationship year month texting like normally every night told suicidal think hurting lot deal information help already said want go therapy since would require telling parent assume really embarrassed help never deal anything like idea -"Life just fucking sucks. - -I hate everything, but above anything else the most I hate is religion. I cant help it but say that I do not understand religions and their concept. Guess what, I had to be born in a religious family, fuck yeah. - -Because of that, I am constantly threatened by religious friends and family, looking at me like I am a disgusting being, constant physical abuse by my mother just because I disagree with their belief. I never was disrepectful to them, I just hoped that I could be free and decied wetehr or not follow the religion but no, my mother is more worried of what other family members think of her so she tries to force me to not reject religion or else, my family will think that she is a bad mother and look down on her. My family is a fucking joke. - -This is not my only reason that made me start having suicidal thoughts, I am a teenager male so I unfortunately still depend of my mother. But that does not matter because I decided that after finishing uni I will kill msyelf. I am weak, I cant even handle a full time job, I have no realistic goals, I have no ambition and even less motivation to do anything. - -It seems I am not suitable fort this world so the only thing I am able to do is fuck this shit. I give up. I am not strong enough and I know it is pathetic and cowardly. - -Yes, you are right, I am a fucking coward piece of scum, so please kill me already.",1,life fucking suck hate everything anything else hate religion cant help say understand religion concept guess born religious family fuck yeah constantly threatened religious friend family looking like disgusting constant physical abuse mother disagree belief never disrepectful hoped could free decied wetehr follow religion mother worried family member think try force reject religion else family think bad mother look family fucking joke reason made start suicidal thought teenager male unfortunately still depend mother matter decided finishing uni kill msyelf weak cant even handle full time job realistic goal ambition even le motivation anything seems suitable fort world thing able fuck shit give strong enough know pathetic cowardly yes right fucking coward piece scum please kill already -,1,nan -"What are some things I should get in order before I go? I'd like to either sell or toss most of my things. Plan on paying off the little debt I have. Writing goodbyes, making sure nobody sees anything traumatic. What are some things one would do or not do before death? Not looking for help or pitty just something I might be forgetting. Thanks.",1,thing get order go like either sell toss thing plan paying little debt writing goodbye making sure nobody see anything traumatic thing one would death looking help pitty something might forgetting thanks -Nothing is worse than this,1,nothing worse -"Is anyone there? Maybe someone just up to talk. I haven;t had a hug since I was a kid, do anyone care about me? Lately my medication is weak or not working, I just had cocaine and more medication, I dont care too much anymore. Anyone up for a chat or something or not, probably. Lets hope the big nothing is better - -Will it be good enough to OD? - -edit: Cool so did sme reading, itll probably suffice. Sorry y'all, this will be it lets hope. Probably here for a bit more until I sign off - -&#x200B; - -edit; cheers - -I canceled my plans with my friends tomorrow -Based on some threads like -[https://www.reddit.com/r/AMA/comments/oa3pdz/i\_overdosed\_on\_antipsychotics\_yesterday\_ama/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AMA/comments/oa3pdz/i_overdosed_on_antipsychotics_yesterday_ama/) - -[https://www.reddit.com/r/YouShouldKnow/comments/emqvvk/ysk\_overdosing\_on\_antidepressants\_is\_not\_easy\_or/](https://www.reddit.com/r/YouShouldKnow/comments/emqvvk/ysk_overdosing_on_antidepressants_is_not_easy_or/) - - -or others. All I need is a good day and not be found. Maybe I wake up later for some last words, if this is it please enjoy with me Frans Listz' little bell a.k.a. La campanella",1,anyone maybe someone talk hug since kid anyone care lately medication weak working cocaine medication dont care much anymore anyone chat something probably let hope big nothing better good enough od edit cool sme reading itll probably suffice sorry let hope probably bit sign amp x 00b edit cheer canceled plan friend tomorrow based thread like http www reddit com r ama comment oa pdz overdosed antipsychotic yesterday ama http www reddit com r ama comment oa pdz overdosed antipsychotic yesterday ama http www reddit com r youshouldknow comment emqvvk ysk overdosing antidepressant easy http www reddit com r youshouldknow comment emqvvk ysk overdosing antidepressant easy others need good day found maybe wake later last word please enjoy frans listz little bell k la campanella -,1,nan -"I told them about my suicidal thoughts, and that I don't know how long I would be gone. - -It just got... so much easier now. The thought of killing myself, I mean. - -I originally planned to do it when I was 19. But things have changed. The thing I was afraid of was abandoning my friends. Now, all they all know is that I'm taking a break. If I just... did it, they would think I moved on. Not knowing what actually happened to me, thinking that I got better.",1,told suicidal thought know long would gone got much easier thought killing mean originally planned 9 thing changed thing afraid abandoning friend know taking break would think moved knowing actually happened thinking got better -"Someone I thought loved me, my ex fiancé of six years just told me I should go kill myself. Oh and just a few weeks ago he said I should go hang myself. So I guess I can just go do it now. Clearly everyone in my life will be better off if I just end it all now. I finally got confirmation of that. Oh, “do it on your birthday so you can go out the same day you came in”….April 29th is my birthday. So. I guess it’s happening. He cheated on me on my birthday last year anyways and knocked that girl up so. I guess it’s time now. I should start preparing and I’ve been trying to get rid of all my stuff and give it to friends or donate it anyways. My cameras are going to my best friend. My video games and consoles can go to my nephews. I have another niece or nephew on the way that I won’t get to meet but it’s ok I guess it’s better that way. I am giving my clothes to domestic violence shelters and a couple friends. I’m going to give all my art supplies to my best friend too. I have tons of unopened canvases and paints. I’m going to give my books to the library in my hometown. I’ve got a little over a month I think I can do it then. I have a surgery I fought for, for over 2 years on the 12th but there’s really no point in doing it now. I guess I’ll just call them and tell them I back up, give my spot to someone who needs it. My sister has her gender reveal on the 27th so I guess that will be my goodbyes. They won’t even know it but I will tell them I love them a lot and in my notes I’ve written pages upon pages of apologies for being a failure of a daughter and sister…hopefully they forgive me…I had a long note for my ex fiancé but I’m not giving one anymore. He’s far away and my family hates him so there’s no guarantee he’d get it even if I wanted to. I have been wanting to die for years, since I was little. I first broke a mirror and cut myself at the age of fucking 7. I’ve had nearly ten different attempts. I think it’s finally time. I don’t want to live anymore and I finally got permission by someone who claimed to love me that I should just do it. So in a way it was a huge gift from him to say that, I am thankful for it. It gave me peace. I can just do it now. And be done with it. So honestly, awesome. I’m so relieved.",1,someone thought loved ex fianc six year told go kill oh week ago said go hang guess go clearly everyone life better end finally got confirmation oh birthday go day came april 9th birthday guess happening cheated birthday last year anyways knocked girl guess time start preparing trying get rid stuff give friend donate anyways camera going best friend video game console go nephew another niece nephew way get meet ok guess better way giving clothes domestic violence shelter couple friend going give art supply best friend ton unopened canvas paint going give book library hometown got little month think surgery fought year th really point guess call tell back give spot someone need sister gender reveal th guess goodbye even know tell love lot note written page upon page apology failure daughter sister hopefully forgive long note ex fianc giving one anymore far away family hate guarantee get even wanted wanting die year since little first broke mirror cut age fucking nearly ten different attempt think finally time want live anymore finally got permission someone claimed love way huge gift say thankful gave peace done honestly awesome relieved -"I’m tired. Two months clean in 25 hours and yet I am still so hollow. I’ve driven everyone away. I tell myself that it’s fine, when the suicidal ideation comes I tell myself to shut up. Just one more hour. - -I’ll tell myself: live another day and maybe you won’t fuck it up. But I always do. Maybe I have done some good, maybe I’m not wholly horrible. - -It’s all a lie, deep down I know that. I am on six attempts to kill myself, I’m sure this one will be my seventh. It’s fine.",1,tired two month clean hour yet still hollow driven everyone away tell fine suicidal ideation come tell shut one hour tell live another day maybe fuck always maybe done good maybe wholly horrible lie deep know six attempt kill sure one seventh fine -"ive been suicidal for a long time now, ive actually pussied out twice now, and no one knows. I have a S.O. but because of no free time we only really see each other at school which is not the place to cry. every time we try and plan something someone’s parents are always there so it’s never really safe to just vent alone, and my parents are half the problem. i face constant pressure for my sport from my mother, meaning i barely have free time, in fact ive barely been free at all this year, with the exception of a few weekends and days in a holiday period. Even then I’m usually busy at some point either the next weekend or every other time in the holiday. my father left when i was five but that’s a whole other story. the reason he left has been bothering me for so long, and despite how much he talks good about other things I do, he believes that i shouldn’t follow any dreams and should just become a lawyer, and im too scared to talk back as he has beat me before for littler things. neither of them believe that they are problematic and if I told them they would blame each other which would only make me feel worse. every day i get closer to truly killing myself but i don’t want to make my friends sad",1,ive suicidal long time ive actually pussied twice one know free time really see school place cry every time try plan something someone parent always never really safe vent alone parent half problem face constant pressure sport mother meaning barely free time fact ive barely free year exception weekend day holiday period even usually busy point either next weekend every time holiday father left five whole story reason left bothering long despite much talk good thing belief follow dream become lawyer im scared talk back beat littler thing neither believe problematic told would blame would make feel worse every day get closer truly killing want make friend sad -"I am just three months away from graduation and couple of weeks I found I was gonna get suspended for plagiarism, copied a lab report, but today it was confirmed that it’s gonna be a year of suspension. All that I’ve worked is down the drain, all of the job offers are worthless, everything in my life is ruined. Now I’ve decided to end the painful misery, and say my goodbyes tonight. I hope my family gets through this. Looking for least painful ways to kill myself.",1,three month away graduation couple week found gon na get suspended plagiarism copied lab report today confirmed gon na year suspension worked drain job offer worthless everything life ruined decided end painful misery say goodbye tonight hope family get looking least painful way kill -I just wanted to put it out there for after the fact,1,wanted put fact -"My moods change fast and I don’t think I am bipolar as it’s usually a reason why my mood changes and it can all change in a day. Like I’m in a good mood and then like couple hours past and I just get negative thoughts and I’m down again. - -Like I already lost people this year, my ex best friend, who used to be my best friend like 2 years ago and losing him as a friend this year didn’t really hurt as it was my decision to cut him out of my life. He was a real bad narcissist and probably a sociopath so cutting him out felt good. The one thing that hurts is losing my sister as we used to be so close but recently she became a lot more social and has a lot of friends and she doesn’t even want to speak to me or spend time with me anymore even though I’m the older sibling. I’m 23 and she’s 20. - -It’s just scary how easy people can just leave your life and even though I have a best friend that is good to me and I am talking to a girl but I’m just worried it will end as I’m just bad with my emotions probably because of my anxiety. - -I’m really not sure how I can get better. Like sometimes I feel great it feels like euphoric even, like I’m more hyper, talkative and confident but it never lasts long. And then I’m just back to my usual mood just being sad, depressed and anxious. I know somethings wrong with me probably, I tried cbt therapy for anxiety and depression but it didn’t really help me. I’m on an antidepressant as well which has never worked on me I just take it as it makes me sleep. - -I hate living like this I just want to smoke weed and get drunk so that I can stop all the negative thoughts and I hate it. It feels like my life is a mess. It’s so much effort to get out of my bed and I just hate my life like wtf. Sometimes I feel like going to Thailand and becoming spiritual or something.",1,mood change fast think bipolar usually reason mood change change day like good mood like couple hour past get negative thought like already lost people year ex best friend used best friend like year ago losing friend year really hurt decision cut life real bad narcissist probably sociopath cutting felt good one thing hurt losing sister used close recently became lot social lot friend even want speak spend time anymore even though older sibling 0 scary easy people leave life even though best friend good talking girl worried end bad emotion probably anxiety really sure get better like sometimes feel great feel like euphoric even like hyper talkative confident never last long back usual mood sad depressed anxious know somethings wrong probably tried cbt therapy anxiety depression really help antidepressant well never worked take make sleep hate living like want smoke weed get drunk stop negative thought hate feel like life mess much effort get bed hate life like wtf sometimes feel like going thailand becoming spiritual something -"I’ve been with my fiancé two years. We are both trans men in our mid 20s. He has been severely traumatized and has PTSD. For the past year, especially after starting a grueling job that takes up most of his time, he has become more and more depressed and suicidal. He has a history of multiple attempts. - -I try to encourage him to talk, listen and validate, distract with humor and cheer, and offer ways to help. I’m not perfect and a lot of times I think I just make it worse by doing or saying the wrong thing or just maybe how I am. I’ve offered to pay for a hospitalization. I’ve offered to help call for therapists. I’ve offered to support him with savings so he can quit his job and take some time to heal but he refuses. He won’t accept any financial help. I argue that his health is more important long term than money for the future but he won’t accept it. He can’t trust his family either. He oscillates between desperately wanting mental healthcare and mistrusting it due to a totally reasonable reaction to past experiences. Lately it’s just been so bad. He is so dysphoric and every time he’s reminded of his appearance he begins to spiral, I can see it. - -Tonight he told me it’s been the same as long as he can remember, that he can’t enjoy anything, that he thinks about doing it every minute. I listened and tried to comfort him and after a while asked if I can set a day to leave voicemails for some therapists. He said ‘I’ve been trying to do that for the past two months.’ I said I would sit down with him to help tomorrow and he didn’t answer me. He looked completely dead inside. He told me he wanted to be alone and went to sleep on the couch. He is asleep right now. - -I feel like the weight of this is so heavy on me. He is such a kind, loving, smart and beautiful person inside and out, the person I want to marry and spend my life with. But I feel like that person is disappearing into a void. A year ago he had so much life in his eyes. - -I have severe ADHD and anxiety and also am autistic. I struggle a lot with executive functioning and forget important things constantly. I think I might by nature be a bad support though I try my best. I probably seem distant and apathetic often. I will never give up on him but I’m barely capable of managing myself and I know I can’t handle this alone. I know I should not have to but it is how it is. It’s really getting to me and I have been becoming extremely depressed myself for the first time in a while. - -We are set to marry in under a year. I think delaying the wedding might take stress off but it feels like any major change I suggest would freak him out. I just don’t know. Every time he goes out alone I’m worried I could lose him. I make sure not to be overly invasive or anything. If I called the hospital or his parents he says it would just make things worse. I’m just hoping when this job ends in a couple of months he will be able to breathe a little. I love him so much and my heart is hurting. I’m so scared. I think he needs more friends, therapy, time to himself, and a different job. But as much as I’ve tried to I can’t make that happen for him. I feel so lost I just don’t know there is no answer",1,fianc two year trans men mid 0 severely traumatized ptsd past year especially starting grueling job take time become depressed suicidal history multiple attempt try encourage talk listen validate distract humor cheer offer way help perfect lot time think make worse saying wrong thing maybe offered pay hospitalization offered help call therapist offered support saving quit job take time heal refuse accept financial help argue health important long term money future accept trust family either oscillates desperately wanting mental healthcare mistrusting due totally reasonable reaction past experience lately bad dysphoric every time reminded appearance begin spiral see tonight told long remember enjoy anything think every minute listened tried comfort asked set day leave voicemail therapist said trying past two month said would sit help tomorrow answer looked completely dead inside told wanted alone went sleep couch asleep right feel like weight heavy kind loving smart beautiful person inside person want marry spend life feel like person disappearing void year ago much life eye severe adhd anxiety also autistic struggle lot executive functioning forget important thing constantly think might nature bad support though try best probably seem distant apathetic often never give barely capable managing know handle alone know really getting becoming extremely depressed first time set marry year think delaying wedding might take stress feel like major change suggest would freak know every time go alone worried could lose make sure overly invasive anything called hospital parent say would make thing worse hoping job end couple month able breathe little love much heart hurting scared think need friend therapy time different job much tried make happen feel lost know answer - I want to be dead. Ive been suicidal for years. Im such a fucking retard filled with regret and anger. Im done with life. I want all of this to stop. Why I cant do one thing right.,1,want dead ive suicidal year im fucking retard filled regret anger im done life want stop cant one thing right -I just need to figure out a fool proof plan and figure out how to say goodbye to my friends and family without being suspicious and getting hospitalized again. I really don’t wanna hurt my loved ones but they don’t act like they really care anyways. I was living for other people but I have no one anymore so there’s not much to live for anymore. I have bipolar and borderline personality disorder and my existence is painful day by day. I’m just posting here basically to get advice because if I do this wrong again and live through it I will hate myself even more. Also I have tried getting help from any and everywhere that I can and it’s still this way. I’ve lived my 27 years and I’m at peace with my choice at this point 🖤,1,need figure fool proof plan figure say goodbye friend family without suspicious getting hospitalized really wan na hurt loved one act like really care anyways living people one anymore much live anymore bipolar borderline personality disorder existence painful day day posting basically get advice wrong live hate even also tried getting help everywhere still way lived year peace choice point -I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Everyone always leaves me.,1,know wrong everyone always leaf -"I just took the pills, I don't know how many it'll take but I'm just going to keep eating them one by one until they're all gone. I feel so bad for everyone. I hope I really don't fuck up anybody's life by ending mine.",1,took pill know many take going keep eating one one gone feel bad everyone hope really fuck anybody life ending mine -Hi I'm 17m from texas and I'd like to talk to someone that feels like they don't belong... I'd love to do my best to help out anyone and everyone.. I don't judge and I will happy to talk to anyone.. and if you so happen to end up having a crush on me then let me know.. I will always be here to talk to you and I will never leave you to be alone without a damn good reason.. I don't care who you are or what you are.. I'm straight but that won't stop me from helping everyone out no matter their sexuality.. I hope that we can become good friends and I'd love to maybe meet yall one day... I'm here for yall to vent to or yell at or just absolutely destroy if you need to.. just message me and I'll do my best to help you,1,hi texas like talk someone feel like belong love best help anyone everyone judge happy talk anyone happen end crush let know always talk never leave alone without damn good reason care straight stop helping everyone matter sexuality hope become good friend love maybe meet yall one day yall vent yell absolutely destroy need message best help -"I can’t do this anymore. The secrets, the fear that oh no I say something wrong and boom my friends all hate my ass. I’m worried anything I say will tip one of my friends off the edge and she’ll do it. Idk what to do anymore. I have a plan but also I’m terrified of death.",1,anymore secret fear oh say something wrong boom friend hate as worried anything say tip one friend edge idk anymore plan also terrified death -"I’m always so sad I hate who I am I wish I was never born. I wanna kill myself but I get too scared I always regret not going through with it. I’ll never be happy. Why do other people get to be happy and confident but I can’t. I wish someone would push on the train track I purposely stand on the edge so someone would it. :( - -I really wanna tell someone I know but I don’t wanna seem like an attention seeker. I don’t want then to make a big deal or just not care that’ll make me feel worse. I try hard not to make it obvious so idk. I have every I need to kill myself (exit bag) but I’m just scared. I know people say suicide is a permanent solution to a permanent problem but my problem feels permanent.",1,always sad hate wish never born wan na kill get scared always regret going never happy people get happy confident wish someone would push train track purposely stand edge someone would really wan na tell someone know wan na seem like attention seeker want make big deal care make feel worse try hard make obvious idk every need kill exit bag scared know people say suicide permanent solution permanent problem problem feel permanent -"i did it while they were talking in the living room area of our hotel room. they talk so much and so loud they didn’t even realize i was in the bathroom dying. - -my attempt failed… your body naturally won’t let you die this way… but whatever i’ll try to find another way to kill myself. because i’m tired of living. i want to just die.",1,talking living room area hotel room talk much loud even realize bathroom dying attempt failed body naturally let die way whatever try find another way kill tired living want die -"My friend recently tried to kill themselves and I feel responsible in a way. I feel like I should've let them know I want to help. I am sitting by the toilet hyperventilating and vomiting with a panic attack and I want to see them. -Please help I give it out too much now I realize I need it.",1,friend recently tried kill feel responsible way feel like let know want help sitting toilet hyperventilating vomiting panic attack want see please help give much realize need -"Hi guys, it's late night now here in my time zone. I can't shake down the urge to go to the building rooftop and take a leap. It's 16 stories tall. Should I do it? - -Please tell me a logically sensible suggestion... - -My Reasons: - -My family got COVID-19 the past month, but it affected my otherwise healthy 50-year old dad the most. Within a couple of weeks of infection (including ~10 day isolated hospital confinement) things just kept getting worse, so he was moved to another hospital for ICU confinement, and there went into lung failure. Doctors decided on intubation, things didn't stop there, and currently he is on ECMO in a different hospital. It's been about 2 months and he is yet to show any progress. - -I work and used to live alone, but recently we all have been together. From my fam's side, my dad is the only breadwinner and he controlled their finances. So, naturally I took the heat during his absence as a stopgap - running his business for a couple of months, paying bills, and medical expenses, food, etc. - -I have burnt through all my personal savings, sold my cryptos, and taken all the possible loans just to stay afloat with the expenses. This has made me terribly depressed and made me unable to continue working since last 2 weeks. By the end of this month I can't even pay my dad's insurance premium - in that case the policy is gonna lapse because of 3 months of non-payment. - -I don't see a way out of this. I need about $30k+ just to cover the dues. And maybe another $20k+ for the future expenses. At this point I can't get out or stop this snowball effect. - -My mom isn't willing to work, nor does she have the experience to work any decent jobs. My sis just finished her high school, but is trying for a job anyway. Even if we all work in this place, we can't possibly make a dent in the dues and expenses. All of this is taking my self control off, I feel like I'll snap and go insane any moment. - -But... I and my dad have life insurance policies. My dad's policy is just gonna pay $100k if ever. On the other hand, my head can pay out a quarter million dollar claim. It can solve all the problems and save their lives. I can also get this miserable life to stop hurting me any further. - -I like to think logically, philosophically, and pragmatically. I don't see a better option than this. Should I do it? - -TLDR: My healthy 50-year old dad got COVID-19, went into lung failure, and is currently on maximum life support on ECMO. I've bankrupted myself supporting my fam and am still in need of about $50k or more to settle the dues and for further expenses. I'm at the verge of insanity from all the pressure. I've a life insurance worth $250k. Should I do the deed and let my fam claim the benefits so that they can solve everything and live better lives? - -Sorry for any bad English. -Thanks in advance!",1,hi guy late night time zone shake urge go building rooftop take leap story tall please tell logically sensible suggestion reason family got covid 9 past month affected otherwise healthy 0 year old dad within couple week infection including 0 day isolated hospital confinement thing kept getting worse moved another hospital icu confinement went lung failure doctor decided intubation thing stop currently ecmo different hospital month yet show progress work used live alone recently together fam side dad breadwinner controlled finance naturally took heat absence stopgap running business couple month paying bill medical expense food etc burnt personal saving sold cryptos taken possible loan stay afloat expense made terribly depressed made unable continue working since last week end month even pay dad insurance premium case policy gon na lapse month non payment see way need 0k cover due maybe another 0k future expense point get stop snowball effect mom willing work experience work decent job si finished high school trying job anyway even work place possibly make dent due expense taking self control feel like snap go insane moment dad life insurance policy dad policy gon na pay 00k ever hand head pay quarter million dollar claim solve problem save life also get miserable life stop hurting like think logically philosophically pragmatically see better option tldr healthy 0 year old dad got covid 9 went lung failure currently maximum life support ecmo bankrupted supporting fam still need 0k settle due expense verge insanity pressure life insurance worth 0k deed let fam claim benefit solve everything live better life sorry bad english thanks advance -"Why am I this person? I love writing, reading, scholarship, academia, but each of those fields are (rightly) inaccessible to me. I am unintelligent. I have nothing to contribute but my work ethic, which is practically useless. Every article and book I read confirms this. I wish I could be satisfied with menial work; I wish I could let these aspirations go. It is ridiculous and self-indulgent to pine after things that are so obviously out of my reach.",1,person love writing reading scholarship academia field rightly inaccessible unintelligent nothing contribute work ethic practically useless every article book read confirms wish could satisfied menial work wish could let aspiration go ridiculous self indulgent pine thing obviously reach -" - -So, in the last night , i drink a lot , ( nothing not normal for me ) and then everytime e drunk to much , i enter in a spiral of shame , i encounter my mother and i felt ashamed because i was so drunk , ( and my father is a alcoolic. - -I drop a dish , and the things scalated , e begun to cry and cut my self with the pieces of glass , without knowing what i was doing , it happens so many times , when i drunk to much , i tend to self harm and self heatred , - -I just dont like anymore what my mother sees in me ... im ashemed of myself , how dare i put my mother in so much struggle because i was drunk and begun acts of self harm from dropping a dish - -I will go to a psychologist today , i love my mum , and everytime e break her heart i cut myself and begun a spiral of mental fog knifes - -&#x200B; - -Help me , i love my mom",1,last night drink lot nothing normal everytime e drunk much enter spiral shame encounter mother felt ashamed drunk father alcoolic drop dish thing scalated e begun cry cut self piece glass without knowing happens many time drunk much tend self harm self heatred dont like anymore mother see im ashemed dare put mother much struggle drunk begun act self harm dropping dish go psychologist today love mum everytime e break heart cut begun spiral mental fog knife amp x 00b help love mom -"i havent left my house in weeks. i quit my job. i spend a good 2/3 of my day crying, i dont know what’s happening to me. my skin took a complete 180 this year and destroyed any little self confidence i had left. has anyone else felt like this before? all i can think about is my skin, its taking up my life. not only is it unbearable to look at, it’s painful and itchy and i cannot afford a dermatologist. looking at myself in the mirror always results in a full blown panic attack, i end up hyperventilating on the floor. I have cried to the point of vomiting many times. I hate that it has this power over me. It’s such a silly thing to worry about and I KNOW that, but it is absolutely destroying me. it is a continuous cycle, this constant stress only results in more breakouts. I feel trapped in my own skin. Talking about this in real life makes me sound vain. I wish someone would understand. The crying seems to never stop and I havent slept in days now. -Edit: this was not a suggestion for skincare tips 😔 for me it is not as simple as diet or hydration. it is genetics and hormonal, unfortunately.",1,havent left house week quit job spend good day cry dont know happening skin took complete 0 year destroyed little self confidence left anyone else felt like think skin taking life unbearable look painful itchy afford dermatologist looking mirror always result full blown panic attack end hyperventilating floor cried point vomiting many time hate power silly thing worry know absolutely destroying continuous cycle constant stress result breakout feel trapped skin talking real life make sound vain wish someone would understand cry seems never stop havent slept day edit suggestion skincare tip simple diet hydration genetics hormonal unfortunately -"I have a lazy eye, and am overweight, and I have a bowel problem which makes me smell. -Even with these attributes I’ve managed to fall in love, get married and have a daughter. But I keep getting this urge since I was 12 to end it all. It doesn’t help that my family doesn’t want anything to do with me or my child. Hell my baby is 1 year old and my mother has yet to see her or even call. The shitty part is she lives an hour away. I keep on thinking what’s the point of trying so hard to keep people who don’t even want you in their life. I love my daughter but I just want ti end it I’ve been fighting off and on with my wife over small stuff, because I’m not home enough. I have to travel for work (6 weeks at a time ) because we can’t afford for me to quit. And honestly sometimes it feels like she’s just with me because she can stay at home and not work. -Long story short I’m tired of trying to keep up the illusion that I’m happy.. the only thing that makes me happy is reminiscing about holding my daughter when I’m on the road. But it’s getting harder and harder to keep going",1,lazy eye overweight bowel problem make smell even attribute managed fall love get married daughter keep getting urge since end help family want anything child hell baby year old mother yet see even call shitty part life hour away keep thinking point trying hard keep people even want life love daughter want ti end fighting wife small stuff home enough travel work week time afford quit honestly sometimes feel like stay home work long story short tired trying keep illusion happy thing make happy reminiscing holding daughter road getting harder harder keep going -i have a like 8 bottles of pills on my counter that are my old antidepressants. i don’t want to live anymore but i know if i fail i’ll be in so much trouble. what do i do ?,1,like bottle pill counter old antidepressant want live anymore know fail much trouble -"caused me to choke on my dinner and puke up half a chicken. - -Or maybe the chicken was poisoned, how do I know?",1,caused choke dinner puke half chicken maybe chicken poisoned know -im so tired,1,im tired -"A miscommunication happened which caused my grades to not appear in the record. Everyone is blaming me for it, calling me a liar, saying i didn't go to class. They want to expel me - -I admit it, i skip a lot, but if i have a test i swallow my tongue and go. No one will believe me even with the evidence because i'm a ""bad student"" and ""a delinquent"". I've been the subject of whole ass council meetings because of me being trans (which is considered very disrespectful to the school) - -I'm seriously considering suicide. My whole family hates me, my friends are all doing better than me. I need to go to med school. I need to fix this but it seems IMPOSSIBLE - -Please i need someone to tell me i can do it. I need someone to tell me it's not too late for me. Please tell me i still have time to fix this -For the first time in my life i need to hear something because i feel like i'm going insane - -please just tell me it will be ok",1,miscommunication happened caused grade appear record everyone blaming calling liar saying go class want expel admit skip lot test swallow tongue go one believe even evidence bad student delinquent subject whole as council meeting trans considered disrespectful school seriously considering suicide whole family hate friend better need go med school need fix seems impossible please need someone tell need someone tell late please tell still time fix first time life need hear something feel like going insane please tell ok -i just cant stop thinking about my ex. I loved her. Now that she doesnt want me in her life at all anymore I dont know how to cope and what to do. Im helpess. I really dont see a future for myself,1,cant stop thinking ex loved doesnt want life anymore dont know cope im helpess really dont see future -I dont even deserve to live,1,dont even deserve live -"I had plans for the future. Big plans. - -They don't exist anymore. A relatively recent assault took them from me. - -The assault also took away my ability to enjoy being out of my house. - -The things that once made me happy no longer do. I can't take care of myself. I'm on meds but they don't help. I get up and go through the motions, but on the inside I am dying. I am just a shell of who I once was. - -What's even the point. - -Why am I still trying.",1,plan future big plan exist anymore relatively recent assault took assault also took away ability enjoy house thing made happy longer take care med help get go motion inside dying shell even point still trying -"i’m a 13 year old girl i’ve dealt with some stuff yk. my best friend took her own life some months ago and it’s been v hard. i keep having awful, gruesome nightmares about people i love getting hurt or hurting themselves. - -it ruins my day. i feel like my mind is torturing itself. it ends up ruining my life cuz i’m always so out of it. i think my brain’s broken. i just wanna die so it can end. feeling nothing is better than torture, after all.",1,year old girl dealt stuff yk best friend took life month ago v hard keep awful gruesome nightmare people love getting hurt hurting ruin day feel like mind torturing end ruining life cuz always think brain broken wan na die end feeling nothing better torture -It seems there is no more joy in this world. The world has literally gone to shit. It’s scary and truly saddening. People fighting for climate change having protests as if that’s gonna change a goddam thing. Everyone is diagnosed with some type of mental illness even if they’re not they tell you they suffer from some type of anxiety and depression. There’s 0 originality these days. I don’t even remember 2021. When I look outside everything appears in a darker shade. Everyone is trying to bring back old trends specifically the early 2000s and reselling clothes/items from that era at an insane price which pisses me off. Everyone feels nostalgic. Bringing up memories from the past anytime before 2020 more than ever these days which makes me even more sick because we can’t relive those years. Nothing to ever look forward to. No good music no nothing. Everyone pisses me off. There is truly no one like me and if there is well I’m sure they live very far from where I’m at. Earlier I was thinking about vine and how that turned into musically and how that turned into tiktok which is just filled with such inappropriate vids. I had to delete it because my fyp was filled with people romanticizing eating disorders and people deliberately showing their fresh self harm cvts. This generation is seriously mentally ill. I’m so exhausted from living. All I fucking do is complain because there’s too much shit to complain about. This world just keeps turning into a more dark and darker place and the fact that people are still having kids in a world like this even during the pandemic is just beyond me. There’s clearly no hope for any of us. I can’t keep living in a world like this. And then the fact that I have to slave at work while my manager sleeps downstairs or is sitting on his ass getting paid minimum wage is just insane. I don’t understand how people have put up with this for so long. Every day I get closer to the day I planned to take my life and I don’t even know how I feel about it. And some days I feel nothing. Yea call me a coward but at least I’ll be gone. No more dealing with this stupid shit and stupid ass New Yorkers. The most dumbest people I’ve ever came across.,1,seems joy world world literally gone shit scary truly saddening people fighting climate change protest gon na change goddam thing everyone diagnosed type mental illness even tell suffer type anxiety depression 0 originality day even remember 0 look outside everything appears darker shade everyone trying bring back old trend specifically early 000s reselling clothes item era insane price piss everyone feel nostalgic bringing memory past anytime 0 0 ever day make even sick relive year nothing ever look forward good music nothing everyone piss truly one like well sure live far earlier thinking vine turned musically turned tiktok filled inappropriate vids delete fyp filled people romanticizing eating disorder people deliberately showing fresh self harm cvts generation seriously mentally ill exhausted living fucking complain much shit complain world keep turning dark darker place fact people still kid world like even pandemic beyond clearly hope u keep living world like fact slave work manager sleep downstairs sitting as getting paid minimum wage insane understand people put long every day get closer day planned take life even know feel day feel nothing yea call coward least gone dealing stupid shit stupid as new yorkers dumbest people ever came across -"Goodbye discord friends, you were the only ones to show me kindness, even if it did end up being fake -Goodbye Dad, I’m sorry you weren’t here to see me in my final moments -Goodbye XChara, you might been fake but you were someone who was never rude to me. -Goodbye self harm, this is a bit of a stretch, but you kept me alive for so long, and I’m thankful - -Writing this down, there’s not much. It’s sad. It’s embarrassing. But I’ve said my goodbyes. There’s nothing left now. I’ll hopefully be dead in a couple of hours. -Goodbye, anyone reading this. - -I hope I don’t come back",1,goodbye discord friend one show kindness even end fake goodbye dad sorry see final moment goodbye xchara might fake someone never rude goodbye self harm bit stretch kept alive long thankful writing much sad embarrassing said goodbye nothing left hopefully dead couple hour goodbye anyone reading hope come back -"I want to die. I don’t know if I want to kill myself but I honestly don’t really care. I just want to die and not be conscious and not be an “I” and have no ability to experience anything or remember anything or think about anything. I don’t care if it will get better. I don’t care if I’ll be happy one minute later. I don’t care that I’m irrational right now and I’m thinking something that a level headed version of me would obviously be above. I hate being conscious. I can’t sleep because I hate waking up. I can’t make myself faint because I hate waking up. I can’t escape to other stories or music or feelings or stimulations because I hate waking up. -I just want to die, and die, and die, and die, and die, and stay dead forever. I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to identify as an “I”. I don’t want to be an agent. I want to die. -I want to die. I want to die. I want to stop living. I want to die. I’m stupid and bad and spiteful and upset and I want to die. I don’t want help. I don’t want to be happy. I don’t want to want to not die. I want to die.",1,want die know want kill honestly really care want die conscious ability experience anything remember anything think anything care get better care happy one minute later care irrational right thinking something level headed version would obviously hate conscious sleep hate waking make faint hate waking escape story music feeling stimulation hate waking want die die die die die stay dead forever want anymore want identify want agent want die want die want die want stop living want die stupid bad spiteful upset want die want help want happy want want die want die -" - -I wouldn't necessarily say ""I don't know what I really want in life"". It's more like, I'm still experimenting on what I enjoy to draw...and to make a career out of it. Hopefully replace it with the current job I'm working in. - -As for the current job, I'm working as a custodian. Housing custodian at a university. It's a lot of work and you got to be extremely fast pace and versatile. I'm diagnose with Chronic Depression, Anxiety, and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It's so hard trying to keep up everyone's expectation. I'm always slow and having a hard time trying to finish everything. I just feel like...I'm letting people down and I try so hard to push myself over my limits to match theirs. I can only do what I can and I even told my supervisor about my disorders, to accomodate me. Which he did....but I still feel like perhaps I'm not the right canidate and I'm fearing the call of being fired and getting complaints for not finishing certain amount of floors on time. - -My mindset so far: I'm doing what I can, and if it's not enough... then I tried my best. But I know with my mental disorder, I will go back down the spiral. - -I called my supervisor and express my frustration. Even though he said everyone adores me and I'm being too hard on myself, I know these compliments won't last long. - -I really don't want to quit this job. But I feel like shit when I'm bringing other people down with my slow, dumbass illnesses.",1,necessarily say know really want life like still experimenting enjoy draw make career hopefully replace current job working current job working custodian housing custodian university lot work got extremely fast pace versatile diagnose chronic depression anxiety obsessive compulsive disorder hard trying keep everyone expectation always slow hard time trying finish everything feel like letting people try hard push limit match even told supervisor disorder accomodate still feel like perhaps right canidate fearing call fired getting complaint finishing certain amount floor time mindset far enough tried best know mental disorder go back spiral called supervisor express frustration even though said everyone adores hard know compliment last long really want quit job feel like shit bringing people slow dumbass illness -I’ve been struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts for a couple of years now. I don’t know why but I also have the worst anxiety and it causes me to overthink everything and ruin my own life. Anytime I’m near a stranger I can only think about if I’m breathing too loud or weird. And when people look at me I just want to disappear because I’m afraid their laughing at me or something. I cry a lot and I feel bad because dudes aren’t supposed to cry so much. I hate work too. I work at Home Depot and I feel like every person thinks I’m weird and is laughing at me for something. I just want to make my family proud and be successful but I have such terrible intrusive thoughts and I hate it. I’ve also never really had a real girlfriend (I dated in middle school) and I feel like the biggest loser because of it. I just don’t understand why we live our lives knowing we’re gonna die anyways. Even if your the richest man your still gonna die. The best looking or most healthy person is still gonna die. So what’s the point.,1,struggling depression suicidal thought couple year know also worst anxiety cause overthink everything ruin life anytime near stranger think breathing loud weird people look want disappear afraid laughing something cry lot feel bad dude supposed cry much hate work work home depot feel like every person think weird laughing something want make family proud successful terrible intrusive thought hate also never really real girlfriend dated middle school feel like biggest loser understand live life knowing gon na die anyways even richest man still gon na die best looking healthy person still gon na die point -"In the last 30 days I lost the love of my life, my home, my cat, my job and my will to live. -Today I got covid. So now I cant even look for a new job. So I'll lose the new apartment. - -Got no friends, some family, but they dont care. - -I'm out of reasons to continue - -Help",1,last 0 day lost love life home cat job live today got covid cant even look new job lose new apartment got friend family dont care reason continue help -"Never Had a girl friend -All i ever wanted was a wife and kids. Even more than money. - -I have zero friends -The only people I ever hang out with are my parents - -I gamble a lot - -I am scrawney with a beer gut, and twig arms. What the fuck. - -I can barely finish any college courses - -I live in an apartment and cant see how I can ever afford a house. - -I am taking my life tonight. No point in living anymore. Depression fuckin sucks",1,never girl friend ever wanted wife kid even money zero friend people ever hang parent gamble lot scrawney beer gut twig arm fuck barely finish college course live apartment cant see ever afford house taking life tonight point living anymore depression fuckin suck -"i struggled with suicidal thoughts around 2 years ago i’m being treated for my cptsd and since then id been doing better, but for some reason these past few weeks the thoughts have come back, theyre less frequent but they’re there, im not going to do it, i just want them to stop i dont want to feel like this again",1,struggled suicidal thought around year ago treated cptsd since id better reason past week thought come back theyre le frequent im going want stop dont want feel like -"I've essentially given up. Given up as much as I'm allowing myself to. Sometimes I don't eat for days, and then when I do eat, it's sporadic and unhealthy. I've stopped exercising. I never really took care of the eczema on my skin, I just use as an excuse to self harm. Do a lot of addictive things as well, nothing too insane, it's mostly just to numb my feelings. I haven't left my apartment imsince January 3rd since there's a convenience store and laundry rooms here. I have unhealthy fantasies about a life that doesn't exist because I can't seem to enjoy mine at all. I don't believe in myself and it keeps me from doing hardly anything at all other than what it takes to survive. I've never really succeeded in life and have always just been a bit of a joke. Despite wanting to do things, I was always discouraged by others or mostly my own lack of ability/motivation. I don't think therapy would work for someone like me. You have to want therapy and actively do it. I actively work against myself because I think its only a matter of time before people just give up on me. That or I push everyone away first. I make mock gun motions out of reflex and I've never owned a gun. I have the simple thought of death most days. My roommate nearly caught me the other night looking over our balcony. I just don't get it. I have no direction and it seems like most activities eventually just upset me. I either stay stagnant, the way I am and achieve nothing but stay safe and ""comfortable"" while also going insane from a lack of fulfillment. Or I try to bear being upset and uncomfortable through a bunch of random things throughout my life, probably ending up something that isn't really worth it for the struggle. They both sound awful. And I get it. Life isn't fair. Maybe I don't want to participate when things aren't fair.",1,essentially given given much allowing sometimes eat day eat sporadic unhealthy stopped exercising never really took care eczema skin use excuse self harm lot addictive thing well nothing insane mostly numb feeling left apartment imsince january rd since convenience store laundry room unhealthy fantasy life exist seem enjoy mine believe keep hardly anything take survive never really succeeded life always bit joke despite wanting thing always discouraged others mostly lack ability motivation think therapy would work someone like want therapy actively actively work think matter time people give push everyone away first make mock gun motion reflex never owned gun simple thought death day roommate nearly caught night looking balcony get direction seems like activity eventually upset either stay stagnant way achieve nothing stay safe comfortable also going insane lack fulfillment try bear upset uncomfortable bunch random thing throughout life probably ending something really worth struggle sound awful get life fair maybe want participate thing fair -"Whenever I don’t follow through with a plan I feel so stupid. I wish I had the balls to just do it and every time I don’t I feel like an idiot. I’m once again making a plan and upsetting myself knowing I won’t follow through. -It makes me want to just do it here and now, to prove to myself I can. But then that’s not sticking to the plan. I just feel so so stupid.",1,whenever follow plan feel stupid wish ball every time feel like idiot making plan upsetting knowing follow make want prove sticking plan feel stupid -"i am 23. I live at home. I have a boring low paying job. Housing is impossible to afford and I’m in a long distance queer relationship. I have BPD, Dysthymia, CPTSD. I don’t think that my perception of reality is something that I could ever trust. I’m in therapy, I’m medicated, nothing is really helping. Since I have relationship destroyer disease obviously my relationship is not doing the best (entirely because I can’t perceive anything for what it is), I self sabotage constantly and I ruin everything I touch. Nothing feels real and everything feels dependent on whatever is happening in the moment. I don’t trust myself. I will continue to ruin my own happiness for the rest of my life because treatment doesn’t fucking help me with this shit. Ive been doing some ideation, thinking about a plan. I don’t want to die and leave everyone behind but being here is too much for me to do forever. I’m 23 and it feels like I’m 93. I’m so tired already, and I’m so scared. I feel so alone. I just want it to be over.",1,live home boring low paying job housing impossible afford long distance queer relationship bpd dysthymia cptsd think perception reality something could ever trust therapy medicated nothing really helping since relationship destroyer disease obviously relationship best entirely perceive anything self sabotage constantly ruin everything touch nothing feel real everything feel dependent whatever happening moment trust continue ruin happiness rest life treatment fucking help shit ive ideation thinking plan want die leave everyone behind much forever feel like 9 tired already scared feel alone want -i am going to die tonight. goodbye,1,going die tonight goodbye -"What do you say when you're told it gets better with time? - -It's been the heaviest thing to do when it comes to holding myself up. I had a hard 2020.. lost my brother best friend and stepdad to suicide and overdose. I thought I was ok I was so wrong. Wound up losing my job then my wife decided that she was better off with me. She is probably right. So all of 2021 I'm loosing everyone and every thing. Spouse lives we haven't spoke in over a year. Iv tried to she is idk 🤷‍♂️ 😐. I try so hard to move forward. Though I'm not getting anywhere. I want to die.i can't find the right answer to evolving and being able to engage with life. - -It's been over a year she's great & thriving. I try to do myself in. -Last Saturday I tried to leave the car running in my garage and just drift away. I couldn't even die right. My car ran out a gas all I got was a head ache and a lot deeper into my pit. I've been looking at and repositioning M pistal hopefully I can get down to business with it soon. I know it's better if I do. - -I'm worth more in insurance than in life experience. -Why can't I be good at this. Why am I abandoned in my darkest point. - -They say give it time. It's gonna be ok.......It's a lie. Time passes for them and I watch it just go by. So I say Goodbye and if I cross your mind later on. Know I foght until I couldn't the war in me is to much. -So it's me I choose my end instead of being this way. Or loosing touch and hurting someone who has a good future.",1,say told get better time heaviest thing come holding hard 0 0 lost brother best friend stepdad suicide overdose thought ok wrong wound losing job wife decided better probably right 0 loosing everyone every thing spouse life spoke year iv tried idk try hard move forward though getting anywhere want die find right answer evolving able engage life year great amp thriving try last saturday tried leave car running garage drift away even die right car ran gas got head ache lot deeper pit looking repositioning pistal hopefully get business soon know better worth insurance life experience good abandoned darkest point say give time gon na ok lie time pass watch go say goodbye cross mind later know foght war much choose end instead way loosing touch hurting someone good future -" - -I'm 23 years old, diagnosed with gouty arthritis at 22 and I've been battling with myself for almost a year now and It has gotten to the point where I'm tired of living. - -This Tuesday morning at 1:45 AM I tried to commit suicide. My second attempt on taking my own life in less than a year and yet, I’ve still managed to fail once more. I was able to get at least 2 hours of sleep but nothing more and that's the best I can get from a day. Just sleep. Wishing and praying to god to take my life every night, passing away in my sleep (best way possible imho) - -For the last few months I've been starting all my days and ending in tears soaking my pillow. I'm constantly emotionally unstable. I break down in the middle of my lectures and I'm genuinely tired of feeling sad and having different types of emotions on a daily basis. I’m lacking enormously in motivation to keep on living, my mind is a thinking machine and won’t stop thinking about all the suicidal ways I could end my pain. - -Most of the time I ask myself, why me? I used to be an energetic kid who enjoyed doing many things in my free time. Mostly gaming all by myself since I never had an opportunity to make a solid friendship. So most of the time I end up talking/expressing to myself, because in this world there is no one here for me. **NO ONE** has ever cared for me or even shared the least tiny drop of affection towards my person. That's why I just don't try to make friends any more, because I feel like I'm a failure at it, and I don't want no one to invest time in me. - -I currently have an absurd amount of hate/rage towards myself for not being able to finish everything. And not looking upon my flaws and imperfections and wasting the endless opportunities of improving myself. Now I'll just have to live with the consequences and I’m just here in this world all alone thinking and knowing that **some** people are doing better than me and living their best lives and I envy that and I’m jealous of that. - -I’m writing this deep down from a part of me that has just a millimeter of hope of recuperating, but I highly doubt I’ll be able to do it. I won't lie as of writing this, it feels like I'm getting rid of an anchor that has been pulling me back all this time.",1,year old diagnosed gouty arthritis battling almost year gotten point tired living tuesday morning tried commit suicide second attempt taking life le year yet still managed fail able get least hour sleep nothing best get day sleep wishing praying god take life every night passing away sleep best way possible imho last month starting day ending tear soaking pillow constantly emotionally unstable break middle lecture genuinely tired feeling sad different type emotion daily basis lacking enormously motivation keep living mind thinking machine stop thinking suicidal way could end pain time ask used energetic kid enjoyed many thing free time mostly gaming since never opportunity make solid friendship time end talking expressing world one one ever cared even shared least tiny drop affection towards person try make friend feel like failure want one invest time currently absurd amount hate rage towards able finish everything looking upon flaw imperfection wasting endless opportunity improving live consequence world alone thinking knowing people better living best life envy jealous writing deep part millimeter hope recuperating highly doubt able lie writing feel like getting rid anchor pulling back time -,1,nan -So me 13m my gf 13f killed herself I don’t know why or how I feel it’s all my fault my family didn’t know we were dating so I don’t know how to bring it up to them I can’t even focus or eat now I just don’t know what to do I’m honestly about to end it I failed her,1,gf f killed know feel fault family know dating know bring even focus eat know honestly end failed -"I (18m) have fucked up my whole life and i dont really want to kill myself but im really running out of options. - -When i was 9 years old i was diagnosed with borderline disorder and all my life i have been fucking everything up (relationships, friendships, family members, jobs, my studies,...). I have been acting very impulsive and i have aways been blaming my disorder instead for everything i ded (drug use, victimless crimes (somehow i still have some principals left) hookers,...) - -Now today's situation is i havent felt ""fine"" in 6 years or something like that, I am on the edge of getting myself in seriously debt, i live in a small shitty appartement and the only thing that has stayed with me during all these times is my weed. Maybe it sounds retarded i dont really know but its true, i even lost my momma on the way (she is not dead, just doesnt want to speak to me anymore) i lost all my friends because of ly shit behaviour and lies, i lost a relationship of 2 years recently. And to be honest i deserve it because i can blame my disorder or the drugs or whatever, deep down i know it were my actions and my sayings that fucked it all up. - -I know it may not be the best solution but i feel like killing myself would most certainly be ""the easiest way out"" for me. - -(Sorry if this storry is shit but i am high right now and my english isnt that good)",1,fucked whole life dont really want kill im really running option 9 year old diagnosed borderline disorder life fucking everything relationship friendship family member job study acting impulsive aways blaming disorder instead everything ded drug use victimless crime somehow still principal left hooker today situation havent felt fine year something like edge getting seriously debt live small shitty appartement thing stayed time weed maybe sound retarded dont really know true even lost momma way dead doesnt want speak anymore lost friend ly shit behaviour lie lost relationship year recently honest deserve blame disorder drug whatever deep know action saying fucked know may best solution feel like killing would certainly easiest way sorry storry shit high right english isnt good -"I’m beyond worthless. I will never be able to provide anything to anyone in any capacity. I’m no more than a worm. - -I just want to break everything in my house. Smash everything in a complete rage and finish it off with a bullet to the brain. I’ve never been so furious in my entire 25 years of living. Im in a perpetual state of anger lately. - -I’ve started burning myself with cigarettes again. I push them into myself until the pain fades. I do it far up my arm so no one sees them at work. I don’t need those stupid fucks questioning me. I never liked cutting myself. Burning hurts a lot more in my opinion. It’s what I deserve. - -Me being alive is fucking crime. I should just fucking end it now so nobody gets hurt from me. I’m sure my family won’t give a shit. They’ll probably be happier with the load off their shoulders. And my friend will get over it quickly. It’s been over a year since I’ve seen them in person. We’ve already drifted to far from each other in our lives. We’re basically strangers.",1,beyond worthless never able provide anything anyone capacity worm want break everything house smash everything complete rage finish bullet brain never furious entire year living im perpetual state anger lately started burning cigarette push pain fade far arm one see work need stupid fuck questioning never liked cutting burning hurt lot opinion deserve alive fucking crime fucking end nobody get hurt sure family give shit probably happier load shoulder friend get quickly year since seen person already drifted far life basically stranger -"I taled pills, but God decided that I shoudl stay. I used to be grateful. But I think he wanted me here just to burn my molester in Facebook. Now, after loosing my job and being a penniless looser with a lot of debts (again) I can't stop to remind all my recent mistakes and wish I had died. Maybe if I burn the asshole before, and maybe if I swalloed more pills or more alcohol.... - -I'm so furious at myself, right now.",1,taled pill god decided shoudl stay used grateful think wanted burn molester facebook loosing job penniless looser lot debt stop remind recent mistake wish died maybe burn asshole maybe swalloed pill alcohol furious right -"Its been 1 year 10 months and 9 days since I last self harmed. I'm really trying to keep the streak going but honestly I don't know if I can make it much longer. I've been thinking of suicide heavily the past few days and I'm just so tired. Every aspect of my life all seemed to crash and burn within the same couple days and I'm so tired of crying and hurting I just feel... numb. But at the same time I feel so much... *something* that I have to scream. - -I've been trying to be better about being positive or telling myself to keep going but is it really worth it? I spent all of last night thinking about killing myself and really what would happen. - - - -I hope you all have a better day tomorrow.",1,year 0 month 9 day since last self harmed really trying keep streak going honestly know make much longer thinking suicide heavily past day tired every aspect life seemed crash burn within couple day tired cry hurting feel numb time feel much something scream trying better positive telling keep going really worth spent last night thinking killing really would happen hope better day tomorrow -"I already failed out of college once but I thought I might try again at a community college, well I'm about to fail out of this too and for some reason nothing in me cares. As a child I always kind of assumed my life would be in a great place at 22. How naïve since I've been miserable for as long as I can remember, why would life magically get any easier? I just recently pieced together that my earliest memory which I never really allowed myself to understand was my narcissistic mother attempting to drown me when I was about 4 years old. No wonder I'm so fucked up. I've been planning on killing myself before my 23rd birthday for the past 6 months or so, I suppose she'll get what she wanted all along.",1,already failed college thought might try community college well fail reason nothing care child always kind assumed life would great place na since miserable long remember would life magically get easier recently pieced together earliest memory never really allowed understand narcissistic mother attempting drown year old wonder fucked planning killing rd birthday past month suppose get wanted along -"I’ve been distracting myself with hobbies and uni but at the end of the day, I always get reminded that none of it matters. They’re only there to stop my train of thoughts from entering my mind. They’re just bring a split second of feelings. Recently picked up smoking again and it’s the only thing that can temporarily bring some emotions back. There’s nothing worth living for. Why am I still alive? I just, don’t know how to feel anymore. I just want to wither away and be forgotten, to close my eyes every night hoping to not open them again.",1,distracting hobby uni end day always get reminded none matter stop train thought entering mind bring split second feeling recently picked smoking thing temporarily bring emotion back nothing worth living still alive know feel anymore want wither away forgotten close eye every night hoping open -"Hypothetically, if someone took 9,000mg fluvoxamine, 475mg naltrexone and 1,150mg lorazepam - what would happen? - -All hypothetically, of course.",1,hypothetically someone took 9 000mg fluvoxamine mg naltrexone 0mg lorazepam would happen hypothetically course -"It doesn’t matter anymore I’m going to copy and paste my notes. It really doesn’t matter I know I’m spilling my guts out oh , who cares. - -Now I’m lonely, I’m a solider to my self, pride, status, something I fail to achieve my whole life, achieving to be a boy, the one my parents are proud of. The only reason I’m not forgotten is because I’m away from home, do you think they remember me? I’m so fine with being lonesome, I could live. I no longer cry, I no longer care, I’m not deep, I’m not feminine, I no longer attract you. I’m not part of them, or you, or your life. I’m not even an outcast, or part of the story. All my life, I thought of my self as the extras, in this story. But I realised I’m not even that, I’m so lonesome and not noticeable I could disappear right in this northern line, I carry everything in onto me, try to care that I’m awake, but I remember everything. What have I become; maybe you could have it all; maybe you are the one, that make his memories, you’re unforgettable. You are the one, that’s not me. I’ve been forgotten, no presence of my own, the place I have for myself, have never been anything but death, and so it’s hard to imagine, a life where there’s lives. I’m apologetic towards the emotions regarding me, but I’m not sorry that I’m here. Somethings in my way, it might be myself, never have I been so ill and treated at the same time - -Just been treated so badly in the past that even this single bit of kindness coming from you, made me feel so sane. That’s all I got from you; half ass explanations, came in my house and my mouth. Then you’d leave, to someone else’s house, some other girls post. - -宝儿的一呼吸，几乎长过一年。现在居然明亮了；天的明亮，压倒了灯光 - -每一片希望的田野上都有无数的坟 - 每一个绝望的城市中都有无家的魂 - -小时候爸爸教我读武侠小说，大概也是个有侠气的人吧，可能他也做过那个梦，即使爸爸是律师，我仍然觉得他是个有英气的人，读书的人，读书仍然是让我骄傲的事。大概我对文艺片不感兴趣的原因如此吧，我对世间的感叹的大多来于痛苦与遗憾。并没有那么多浪漫和美妙，没有小小的惊喜和烦恼，只有沉重的负担。五年级的时候把家里顶端收藏的金庸全部读完了，还丢了几本。有几次电影迷问我，为什么总是在看犯罪片，恐怖片，可能我对普通生活没有什么幻想吧！我想飞在天上，喝着好酒，写写画画，隐居练功，一辈子不出来。 - -昨天爸妈又一次来电提醒我多给阿公阿布打打电话，可我不知怎么能说出口，我害怕打电话。我害怕又一次提醒自己，这段时间我错过的时光，外婆仅剩的时间。 - -等着你在我的世界里路。坐在空旷的轨道旁，今日来丢下工厂的布料，后天就是这边实习的最后一天。接着下一个毫无空隙。凉的风还挺舒服的，多云的阳光虽然不吸引人，但是对于伦敦来说已经很幸运了。静了下心，多久没有人问我的故事了？被动局面，我想要什么？ - -少小离家老大回，乡音无改鬓毛衰。 -儿童相见不相识，笑问客从何处来。 - -Wrestling story line - -When I feel scared/ sad/ sorry about a story, I feel less that about my self today - -Wow, look at what u did today, look at how you feel. Look how easy It is to resolve conflicts, how easy it is to lie? Do that again I bet u - -What happened that you are in a bad mood, are you reminded again that nobody cares - -Leading you to my story, opening my chest up with informations so little you barely understand. I’m here, waiting. What will it take for you to leave this time? I’m still right here. - -Puzzled - -I live in another house now, in another country. With a completely different routine and identity from my last one, and the other one. - - -Out in this city for years feels kind of funny, I can’t tell what’s real and fake anymore. Did time really passed, do I even have a family , am I even here. 8 million people in London how do I always managed to find the most bat shit crazy ones to befriend? - -you only, filling my free time with people, way to stoned to remember all of u. Forgetting yesterday just like I wanted, so lonely can I be yours? - -Fucking unmanageable, why do I always get into this messy situation, I can’t bare to work here anymore? I’m fine, but bitches who want me to fail will succeed, unfortunately I want to die - -Dead groom and corpse bride - -I can’t write anymore, no songs describe the desperate feeling for things to end, again. I kiss them the way I wish I was kissing you, who are you though. - -Third time crying at the tube this week, I’m tired - -I wanted to ask the world, is it really a bad thing to die. I wanted my work to speak for me, speak for it self, so I don’t ever even have to talk. I wanted to make every work my last piece of work, becuz I could be gone anytime soon, I wanted every piece to be the final piece, - -The finale - -Maybe this situation makes me feel safe, no attachment, no regrets. I never had to say goodbye to anyone, except maybe Lily and grandma and grandpa, and mom and dad. And maybe my therapist. If i die here in UK, I only want Lily to be at my funeral, literally if anyone else dare to show up I would haunt the fuck out of them for the rest of eternity. You were never here when I was alive fucking bastard - -Thanks to my grandparents I got that little piece of my childhood that I was genuinely happy, just that little bit of time in my life. Who would’ve know that be the last time I’ll ever be happy, I’ve only been happy once. This illness is for life, making peace that it might never get better. Thinking of bigger ideas, finalising my purpose. Stick to my self, strengthening my sorrow, smoking my thoughts away. Diving into these mens stories one by one, from my perspective, dying of thirst. Do you think they secretly categorises us, years I’m still the same. Out shining you , probably… at the bottom of my stash, damnnnnn I got options. I have a dream - -My ultimate weakness is being fearless - -How come yesterday I was fine and today is another day of fucking it up - -Yesterday was a rebirth, I’ve lost him. Great, the move on period that I’m sadly familiar with, probably the only thing I know how to do. When I know exactly what to do, my path is clear and I’m brave, fierce. Today we begin the process, which probably started before I even knew it did, subconsciously, I never had him or wanted him in the first place. They’re right, it triggered me, badly, I wanted to die, now I want to live, at least till I get to go home. Non of this matters, at the end of the day I have to admit I don’t care about the superficial stuff, I care about the ugliness & beauty we all are capable of. - -The ugliness that we are capable of -Meetings by the pizza shop -AA -NA -that I’ve never attended -Bills I never payed -Harmony that sounds heavenly good -Standing by my self, haunted by -I feel unstoppable, fucking fearless. I am ready - -I want to hide in ur closet and cut open your wounds - -I can’t remember the last time i spent a proper holiday with family, I don’t really get sad anymore. You get used to it. And if you’ve spent holiday with my family you’ll be grateful to spend it alone. And again, me being me, I rarely remember the good times, I just know the bad. Maybe I get a little sad because even during covid people had the hopes of seeing their family this year, when I already know it’s not going to happen. I’m not scared to have nothing, and no one cares, if you have your last night On earth, who do you rather spend it with. I know it’s not going to be any family members, it’s luck to tolerate more then half an hr with them, ex’s? Not really. It’s the people that I don’t need to speak to, the people that know me by just one look, the people that really knows. I’m just describing my self, I’d probably want to be alone, for my last night on earth - -My stomach is always full, nobody ever gets killed. Everyone’s fine, life is pretty good - -Cutting open my wounds for show, watching you from a far I just can’t stop. It’s like I want to surgically remove you from my life, just cutting till I get you to leave me alone. I was trying to find comfort in you, now I realise I got that with everyone. - -Once you realise the concept of abuser comes from being a victim and then everything make sense now - -All I know my whole life is to be the other women. Just never the main one. About to make myself sad again - -If he likes me he takes me home, put me in a box - -It is so weird to cum to pain -Then why do we do it lol - -Why do I do it -Enjoy - -Now I’m feeling really complicated about tattoos, because now I feel addicted this kinda of experience - -Lol had a massive break downs, don’t know how to feel about anything, let’s just wait a few days - -I just didn’t care what happens to me anymore, it just feels like an out of body experience, I’m still alive, but I feel dead. Feels like I’m no longer here - -So basically I never had a relationship - -I reminded him of his ex, -He reminded me of both of my rapist -Someone put a spell on me, - -I’m in a secret place.. I’m having so much fun with my head, with my thoughts, it’s no longer delusions. living inside my head, I just built our living room and you’re right there. You you you you you, him and him too! Stop, -Stopppppppp, being an artist is not hard, stick that needle right through your heart. What I feel the best about? The blur is gone, been bothering my entire life how miserable I am? I couldn’t live with the fact that I was the only one, but it finally made sense. took me 6 years to realise, I was even raped. 14, just a little girl. To want, to know you were raped, took more then just time. I just didn’t know what was ok, because nobody ever asked, or when they do, I’m not even sure. I’m not even sure what I wanted them to do, to end this? End me? And this point on, I’m forever on my own, in my head - -Shhh, they don’t know I’m going to leave - -I’ve been so tired, crying almost everyday, it’s not hard to face the past, it’s just difficult to imagine how long it’s going to take for me to hide all this, so someone would finally want me. I need some help, I never satisfied them at all , why do some girls have everything I ever wanted in life - -He’s like drugs, I can’t get out. This feeling, I don’t deserve. I miss him, and I hate myself, I wanna leave him but I hate my self too much to leave, even if it’s fake I wanted someone to appreciate me for fuck sake - -It’s so bad, I just stopped caring about everything, nothing matters to me -Anymore. - -Over flooded anxiety? Worry about the wrong thing. Think about bigger plans tho, but I can’t help but fuxking SCREAMMNMMM into the crowded bar god why, WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYUUYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ficking 16 pounds to go home. R u serious - -Trying to keep my love life alive, I sat by the bar, dodging your eyes. Winking at you, fucking in the bathroom. how I wish I didn’t look at you, didn’t share that look, that moment I , I wish I didn’t drink. Running around town in the middle of the night, my heart is on the edge. Being alone, getting high on my own. Years later and everyone still left, am I even breathing. Do you want me or not.. just tell me if u do. He used to pick me up after school, boarding school drive way, I sneak back into my bed at 7am, hurting because I had to leave, crying because I’m already hurt. Now he picks me up after work, he said he’ll see me again, and I don’t even know why. Spilling my guts out in this note app, my own best friend hates me. The girl that I pour my heart into, she doesn’t even know me - -I don’t remember much, about anything ever, I’m happy like that, if I remember all my feelings, it’ll be hard to get by. So dark blue, I wonder why I hear pictures. - -I’m gonna fly -But I feel small -I want him to tell me all his secrets -Things you don’t tell anyone -I’ll take it off you -Let’s me carry it for you -On my shoulder -Very free - -I am the girl that things happen to. Why would anyone want to see the wounds that I carry, I hate to lie but I probably will disappoint him, exit is too late. - -If I could just have a moment to breathe, please. Can’t take it much more then this, I’m taking my chances, not much more love left in this either. Did you just wanted to have fun, anyone can be my daddy today, he’s far far away, away from me. Have I told anyone, I don’t want to be the main one, it’s fun behind the camera, it’s safe being the stalker, I’m comfortable. Stood low, when I fall at least it won’t even hurt -Liar -Liar -I’m going to keep it low this time, I’ll ease it in, but if this time goes, I’ll be okay too. I’m already broken, so what if I get thrown to the ground again. -Every men has failed me, greatly. My girl and I, we deserve the world. I’m gonna kiss her forehead in my dreams, - -I’m going to hell - -Just left his house, and he’s on his way to mine. Not sure which lie to tell, because when I kill her in my dreams, you won’t have a friend to cook with. No one showed up, why can’t you be useful for once. Nothing scares me anymore, he invited me to a millionaires mansion, said we can do anything we want. Wild swim in a private lake, I said I might drown. - -Drown… and I want to die, and I want to lie. He knows about me, I am twenty, but like chains, I rust. You throw me to the ground again, pulling my hair, my heart shattered to pieces, he had no idea the wars I fought, and finally fight. I am a soldier far away from home, with no one to call, belongs to no one. I miss their forehead kisses, -solid as a rock shell, -each ringed a bell. -But shamed me to hell, - -You call you called, -He called as well, - -I miss my self, my old self, me as a child, I want her back. I’m going to have a kid, a little girl that I’m going to protect at all cost. -我一句话都不想再说 - -All my life I wanted to be her, but who is she? It’s just who ever he actually wants, it doesn’t make sense. You know I won’t satisfy, don’t have the luck, going to suffer every way possible. Life turns into shit for my girls, but they’re laying under the sun, she’s having some fun, I’m picking up my ashes on the floor so I smoke it again. Luxury fine dining, cocktails every day, her hair is silky, when she gets hurt people fight for her. Is it wrong I hope she gets killed. - -Being bi sexual and a story teller means I make up plots and chapters, between whoever is making me jealous. It’s actually a really nice way to train my self from getting attached to anything at all, adding stories to peoples relationships gives me a deeper understanding of - -In a way, I no longer call my bad thoughts “putting my self down” if all my thoughts are bad, they’re no longer bad thoughts, they’re just thoughts? - -First and foremost, I’m going to write about you and your girls. This is my kind of fun, - -I hope when I’m not around, she fulfil your voids, you can have both, My body, and her presence, -we look alike don’t we? -I’m in my own corner, the voices in my head says you’re alarmed. People says it’s impossible you’d be into me, I believe them. Why would you choose me of all people? I just can’t believe anyone would have anything to do with me - someone who just isn’t special enough to have anybody. I might be a little emotional writing this, missed my mood stabiliser again, it’s ok though, you can lay your head in my tummy, I bet it reminds you of hers. -I have found my calling, I’m everyone’s girlfriend ❤️ - - -Just ended things with you, -Contagious -Doing another test simply because I just don’t trust you, it is. My problem -I should let you go, I know you’re no good but, you were at least nice. And no one have been nice to me in a while. -Feels calm to think about how I’ll be safe and sound in my pain, another story to shoot, yeah it didn’t make sense to me but now it does. Love bombing didn’t work on me, even though I’ve been alone for a long time, thank god for putting me through shit early enough that I left early as well. - -My bad for thinking you knew better - -I felt like a piece of shit again. Again -I don’t give a fuck about any of you anyways but why I never know what am of you want or need, I don’t understand, I might be on the spectrum you know, I never communicated - -Flaws are just so deep, it’s like haunting through sleeps; am I the one stopping her happiness - -I never analysed why I did all those thing during elementary school, that my mom had to literally befriend my teacher to make sure I’m took care of. I was that troubled. - - -我是一个空空的舞台，等着各种演员登台做各种表演。” - -心灵之水无助地流尽”，“像一个坏掉的水桶”（第152篇），或者他的精神生活像“被掀翻的桶”（第439篇），那么阿尔瓦罗·德·坎普斯则宣称“我的心灵是往外倒水的桶” - -对于像我这样活着却不懂得如何生活的少数人来说，除了将“放弃”作为生活方式以及将“沉思”当成命运外，还能做些什么？我们既不知道也无法知道宗教生活是什么样的，因为无法通过理性思考获得信仰，又不能相信乃至反对“人”这个抽象概念，而只能对生活进行审美沉思，以此来表明我们拥有灵魂。我们对整个世界的严肃事物漠不关心，对神灵毫无兴趣，鄙夷人类。我们徒劳地向毫无意义的感觉缴械投降，这种感觉经受过享乐主义的提炼和教化，适合我们的脑神经。 - - 我将生活看作一座路边客栈，我不得不待在那里，直到马车从深渊开来。我不知道它将把我带向何处，因为我对一切都一无所知。我可以将这座客栈看成一座监狱，因为我不得不静候在那里；我也可以将它看作一个社交中心，因为在那里我结交了其他人。我既非缺乏耐心，也不是不会社交。我既远离那些闭门躺在床上、彻夜无眠等待的人，也远离那些在大厅高谈阔论、欢歌笑语飘然入耳的人。我坐在门边，耳目尽享声色景致，轻声吟唱——只有我自己能听见——作于漫长等待之中的缥缈歌曲。 - -I think of all these intruder that entered my body without my wish, Kelly Moore’s dad - a white kindergarten teacher in a majority Chinese school. Felix, another white men that raped me unconsciously in the club. Naz, In which I still not entirely sure how I got lured into. I look back at my self, I sometimes wondered what went wrong, how I was made the best and then the worst. Why did I always had a bad time, why I don’t remember anything. Why and why and why did all this happened to me, I think I just had an over amount of change that now I need a giant break, but I don’t know how to relax. I love you, but who I need to love someone. Why do I do that? When I don’t know who you are I’m so stressed out. I can only move on - -Being rough was all I know, just people forcing themselves onto me all the time. Maybe why I thought zaineb was so special, and I’m not ready to have that again. Even thought Iain count as my first love, I think zaineb was when i completely trusted someone. I just feel wrong and not accepted I guess. - -I had another thought. All those time they’ve touched me, just touching me. Everyone, not just at the club, it be when I was getting take outs, shopping at the super market, I never said anything, why didn’t I? - -Every time I look in the mirror I see myself disappearing into a bubble, - -I wish I was brand new. I wish I was soft and clean, fresh off the boat too. I wish I still believed in the world and white men, - -世界上只有被奸污是不需要理由的。你有选择——像人们常常讲的那些动词——你可以放下，跨出去，走出来，但是你也可以牢牢记着，不是你不宽容，而是世界上没有人应该被这样对待 - -话是这样说但是真的如此吗 - -You guys are losing me bit by bits, day by day. Faded into the background, 我的丑陋被无限的放大了，没有理由的文字，怨恨我的一群人。背叛的不止是一点点 - -当我试着使自己的生活从持续不断压迫它的各种环境中解脱出来，其他同样的环境立即将我包围，就好像造物主的神秘之网总是和我过不去。我用力拉开扼住我脖子的一只手——我刚把陌生人的手从脖子上拉开，就看见我自己的手上有一根套索，而套索就套在我的脖子上。我试图小心翼翼地解开套索，它却紧紧地套住我的双手，我几乎要把我自己勒死。 - -我终究在为每个我接触到的女孩悲伤， 我不知道他们是谁，他们也不知道我是谁。我猜到接下来的剧情了，我懂的这些结局。想要告诉你，做好离开的准备。但是是不是只有我需要离开，也许他们值得留下 - -I guess for now, I know there’s more to life than romance and belongings. There’s knowledge and creation, story lines and peacefulness in nature. I realised that’s when I’m most allowed to stay, is when I realised I’m not rejected by the other side, I’m not rejected by hell. A place that’ll understand me, may devils protect me and be by my side. - -Gotta stop having death fantasies - -Must be a reason why I’m fortunate and not, is it karma or wealth. Abused or was I too spoiled to think I deserve happiness. Is it karma, or illness. It must be karma right -慢慢地看着天一点一点的暗哑���啊，风声大到你会害怕。我不会害怕了，我发过誓这辈子都不害怕。 我也没有什么资格感受，说话，什么值得，什么都不值得。一字一字打出这些平凡无奇的话，什么才能，我有什么才能？ 我有什么，来来去去什么都没有，明天我便可以走，这辈子都不回头，逃逸，慌慌张张跑了就好。将我的照片全部涂黑，我会送你一个喷漆，你可把我涂出我们的合照。 后来，当我消失了，你在地狱里遇见我，我在血河大门查护照，这是一个我造的地狱，你知道这其实是我家。没想到人类都得来地狱，护照上是什么？充满了期待和活力，你之前去过那里，你是谁。 我拿起你的护照，撕成碎片。这是我的工作，我是地狱第一个把你的希望撕成碎片工作人员。 每天晚上，我独自一人坐在毒品大厦门口，在地狱里，能吸毒你得在人间干够坏事。 我等着你，你根本不想见到我。你觉得你要是死后遇见我，多半没有什么好事，我怎么可能会在天堂呢？ 你不懂，地狱呆久了，你发现这比人间好多了。我每天可以死好几次呢，在人间只能死一次。多无趣呐 - -I know everything about you, -I usually prepare my research before I meet you, a guy, anyone. I go through your family photos, your ex, the girl you slept with before me, and potentially after me too. I spot for lies, matching the story you told me with evidences. The fun part is researching the girls you are fucking, I can feel my heart beat, Its like an electrical rush of anxiety. It’s quite an easy and intimate process, as I realised My instinct is right every time. By the way, This is the time where I note down possible events that might happen in the future, if this is torture then I don’t know what fun is. Solving this puzzle. I uncover every steps as I am walking through your living room, I give a fuck about you everyday. Ever since my first project -I want to know everything, the truth of stories that’s happening to me. I need truth, I need clues, I need to find out if I’m the other women, why do you want to know things you shouldn’t know? Ugliest ugliest truth still better than lies. In my opinion. And when I learned the fact that I am nothing in your story, this is where I imagine love stories that involves the girls you actually like. Is this process psychopathic? I think it’s a poetic way of practicing being a wife. - -Haven’t wrote shit in a minute, I guess I don’t know what to say anymore I need to get going. - -Nothing has been working - -Fuck u all - -Listening to he talk, as I sit there again and again, with my mouth shut, still tastes the cum in the back of my throat. We expect the extreme every time we meet, I always walk into your empty house - the house you shared with her for 3 years, convincing myself that I don’t care about you anyways. Ever since 14 I haven’t been able to learn, or live, I’ve just been getting by, and ruining my own life. Maybe it wasn’t even that traumatic but I had to have an excuse for something right, I guess I was pale and green.. I became dumb, never shared a thing, fell short when my friends are watching films. I watch now, I read now, I wouldn’t have done the same for him. Filled my life with horror, escaping intoxicated insane fucked so good, fun fun fun. You don’t know half of the shit I actually go through, you just think I’m a simple whore. I could be for you. I wear black tights and two silk bow ties on the tip of my knees, get all the way down I wait, they always tell me to stay where I am because my back is arched and my ass is in the air. All the things that made me who I am, I bet her art is even wholesome and not pain, then I worried I’m not urs enough - -Hey, I feel better now, still remember me? What you’ve been up to im not sure, writing you from afar. I’m just getting to know myself, why would I forget you, I was just trying to forget my self. I’m leaving London soon, just like how I left China, just like how I left LA, and like I left China again, when will I ever return. There’s no more looking back, my family’s fed and, I have some money under my name. The only fortunate thing little fire lit in my world, will never have the glory they once have, I’m not extraordinary enough but cool to have fun… recently my family discovered that I am American, a real American, a real person with a passport that doesn’t require 3 months of quarantine. A real passport that doesn’t need a visa, a real world. I’m freed, and you don’t understand, I’m trying to free my family too. - -Come, I’ll swallow all the feelings you might have, may I open wide and welcome you inside up and down, spending time with men that wants anything but me. Ex and ex, never ending dark hole of a modern bitch, clear whiskey glass & cocktails you never payed for her, spend it all on me. - -You never called, no one did",1,matter anymore going copy paste note really matter know spilling gut oh care lonely solider self pride status something fail achieve whole life achieving boy one parent proud reason forgotten away home think remember fine lonesome could live longer cry longer care deep feminine longer attract part life even outcast part story life thought self extra story realised even lonesome noticeable could disappear right northern line carry everything onto try care awake remember everything become maybe could maybe one make memory unforgettable one forgotten presence place never anything death hard imagine life life apologetic towards emotion regarding sorry somethings way might never ill treated time treated badly past even single bit kindness coming made feel sane got half as explanation came house mouth leave someone else house girl post wrestling story line feel scared sad sorry story feel le self today wow look u today look feel look easy resolve conflict easy lie bet u happened bad mood reminded nobody care leading story opening chest information little barely understand waiting take leave time still right puzzled live another house another country completely different routine identity last one one city year feel kind funny tell real fake anymore time really passed even family even million people london always managed find bat shit crazy one befriend filling free time people way stoned remember u forgetting yesterday like wanted lonely fucking unmanageable always get messy situation bare work anymore fine bitch want fail succeed unfortunately want die dead groom corpse bride write anymore song describe desperate feeling thing end kiss way wish kissing though third time cry tube week tired wanted ask world really bad thing die wanted work speak speak self ever even talk wanted make every work last piece work becuz could gone anytime soon wanted every piece final piece finale maybe situation make feel safe attachment regret never say goodbye anyone except maybe lily grandma grandpa mom dad maybe therapist die uk want lily funeral literally anyone else dare show would haunt fuck rest eternity never alive fucking bastard thanks grandparent got little piece childhood genuinely happy little bit time life would know last time ever happy happy illness life making peace might never get better thinking bigger idea finalising purpose stick self strengthening sorrow smoking thought away diving men story one one perspective dying thirst think secretly categorises u year still shining probably bottom stash damnnnnn got option dream ultimate weakness fearless come yesterday fine today another day fucking yesterday rebirth lost great move period sadly familiar probably thing know know exactly path clear brave fierce today begin process probably started even knew subconsciously never wanted first place right triggered badly wanted die want live least till get go home non matter end day admit care superficial stuff care ugliness amp beauty capable ugliness capable meeting pizza shop aa na never attended bill never payed harmony sound heavenly good standing self haunted feel unstoppable fucking fearless ready want hide ur closet cut open wound remember last time spent proper holiday family really get sad anymore get used spent holiday family grateful spend alone rarely remember good time know bad maybe get little sad even covid people hope seeing family year already know going happen scared nothing one care last night earth rather spend know going family member luck tolerate half hr ex really people need speak people know one look people really know describing self probably want alone last night earth stomach always full nobody ever get killed everyone fine life pretty good cutting open wound show watching far stop like want surgically remove life cutting till get leave alone trying find comfort realise got everyone realise concept abuser come victim everything make sense know whole life woman never main one make sad like take home put box weird cum pain lol enjoy feeling really complicated tattoo feel addicted kinda experience lol massive break down know feel anything let wait day care happens anymore feel like body experience still alive feel dead feel like longer basically never relationship reminded ex reminded rapist someone put spell secret place much fun head thought longer delusion living inside head built living room right stop stopppppppp artist hard stick needle right heart feel best blur gone bothering entire life miserable live fact one finally made sense took year realise even raped little girl want know raped took time know ok nobody ever asked even sure even sure wanted end end point forever head shhh know going leave tired cry almost everyday hard face past difficult imagine long going take hide someone would finally want need help never satisfied girl everything ever wanted life like drug get feeling deserve miss hate wan na leave hate self much leave even fake wanted someone appreciate fuck sake bad stopped caring everything nothing matter anymore flooded anxiety worry wrong thing think bigger plan tho help fuxking screammnmmm crowded bar god whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyuuyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ficking pound go home r u serious trying keep love life alive sat bar dodging eye winking fucking bathroom wish look share look moment wish drink running around town middle night heart edge alone getting high year later everyone still left even breathing want tell u used pick school boarding school drive way sneak back bed hurting leave cry already hurt pick work said see even know spilling gut note app best friend hate girl pour heart even know remember much anything ever happy like remember feeling hard get dark blue wonder hear picture gon na fly feel small want tell secret thing tell anyone take let carry shoulder free girl thing happen would anyone want see wound carry hate lie probably disappoint exit late could moment breathe please take much taking chance much love left either wanted fun anyone daddy today far far away away told anyone want main one fun behind camera safe stalker comfortable stood low fall least even hurt liar liar going keep low time ease time go okay already broken get thrown ground every men failed greatly girl deserve world gon na kiss forehead dream going hell left house way mine sure lie tell kill dream friend cook one showed useful nothing scare anymore invited millionaire mansion said anything want wild swim private lake said might drown drown want die want lie know twenty like chain rust throw ground pulling hair heart shattered piece idea war fought finally fight soldier far away home one call belongs one miss forehead kiss solid rock shell ringed bell shamed hell call called called well miss self old self child want back going kid little girl going protect cost life wanted ever actually want make sense know satisfy luck going suffer every way possible life turn shit girl laying sun fun picking ash floor smoke luxury fine dining cocktail every day hair silky get hurt people fight wrong hope get killed bi sexual story teller mean make plot chapter whoever making jealous actually really nice way train self getting attached anything adding story people relationship give deeper understanding way longer call bad thought putting self thought bad longer bad thought thought first foremost going write girl kind fun hope around fulfil void body presence look alike corner voice head say alarmed people say impossible believe would choose people believe anyone would anything someone special enough anybody might little emotional writing missed mood stabiliser ok though lay head tummy bet reminds found calling everyone girlfriend ended thing contagious another test simply trust problem let go know good least nice one nice feel calm think safe sound pain another story shoot yeah make sense love bombing work even though alone long time thank god putting shit early enough left early well bad thinking knew better felt like piece shit give fuck anyways never know want need understand might spectrum know never communicated flaw deep like haunting sleep one stopping happiness never analysed thing elementary school mom literally befriend teacher make sure took care troubled 9 think intruder entered body without wish kelly moore dad white kindergarten teacher majority chinese school felix another white men raped unconsciously club naz still entirely sure got lured look back self sometimes wondered went wrong made best worst always bad time remember anything happened think amount change need giant break know relax love need love someone know stressed move rough know people forcing onto time maybe thought zaineb special ready even thought iain count first love think zaineb completely trusted someone feel wrong accepted guess another thought time touched touching everyone club getting take out shopping super market never said anything every time look mirror see disappearing bubble wish brand new wish soft clean fresh boat wish still believed world white men guy losing bit bit day day faded background guess know life romance belonging knowledge creation story line peacefulness nature realised allowed stay realised rejected side rejected hell place understand may devil protect side got ta stop death fantasy must reason fortunate karma wealth abused spoiled think deserve happiness karma illness must karma right know everything usually prepare research meet guy anyone go family photo ex girl slept potentially spot lie matching story told evidence fun part researching girl fucking feel heart beat like electrical rush anxiety quite easy intimate process realised instinct right every time way time note possible event might happen future torture know fun solving puzzle uncover every step walking living room give fuck everyday ever since first project want know everything truth story happening need truth need clue need find woman want know thing know ugliest ugliest truth still better lie opinion learned fact nothing story imagine love story involves girl actually like process psychopathic think poetic way practicing wife wrote shit minute guess know say anymore need get going nothing working fuck u listening talk sit mouth shut still taste cum back throat expect extreme every time meet always walk empty house house shared year convincing care anyways ever since able learn live getting ruining life maybe even traumatic excuse something right guess pale green became dumb never shared thing fell short friend watching film watch read done filled life horror escaping intoxicated insane fucked good fun fun fun know half shit actually go think simple whore could wear black tights two silk bow tie tip knee get way wait always tell stay back arched as air thing made bet art even wholesome pain worried ur enough hey feel better still remember im sure writing afar getting know would forget trying forget self leaving london soon like left china like left la like left china ever return looking back family fed money name fortunate thing little fire lit world never glory extraordinary enough cool fun recently family discovered american real american real person passport require month quarantine real passport need visa real world freed understand trying free family come swallow feeling might may open wide welcome inside spending time men want anything ex ex never ending dark hole modern bitch clear whiskey glass amp cocktail never payed spend never called one -,1,nan -"Sorry to ask again, I’m just not doing great at the moment. If I do hypothetically end my life, and prior to it I **end** sessions with my therapist, he wouldn’t get in trouble right? He doesn’t deserve to get in trouble or lose licensure over me if that makes sense. - - -does anyone have info on this?",1,sorry ask great moment hypothetically end life prior end session therapist get trouble right deserve get trouble lose licensure make sense anyone info -"They knew this life isn’t worth living, and gave all their possessions to their family. I want to do the same so my friends and family benefit from my death. I want to be dead, my family and friends get all my stuff, everyone wins. - -I’m 100% fucking worthless and everything I consume is for no reason. Every friend and partner just stays with me out of pity and I want to pay them back. - -I plan on hanging myself in my garage and calling 911 just before, so they find my body instead of someone innocent I don’t want to hurt. I don’t know why I’m posting here tbh, I guess I’m looking for any reason not to? - -Suicide hotlines are just more depressing with the same scripted words in between questions trying to find out where you are so they can call someone to your place. This is just going to lead to more frustration and probably huge hospital bills and embarrassment. - -Anyone else feel this way? What’s keeping you from doing it?",1,knew life worth living gave possession family want friend family benefit death want dead family friend get stuff everyone win 00 fucking worthless everything consume reason every friend partner stay pity want pay back plan hanging garage calling 9 find body instead someone innocent want hurt know posting tbh guess looking reason suicide hotlines depressing scripted word question trying find call someone place going lead frustration probably huge hospital bill embarrassment anyone else feel way keeping -"Sorry if this is kinda confusing and messed up I have a hard time putting my thoughts into words. I (18F) would sometimes get suicidal thoughts whenever I was going through a bad panic attack.. But after I calmed down those thoughts would just disappear and I was always sure that I would never do that stuff because I knew I only thought that as a quick escape from all the emotional pain and anxiety I was going through. - -But today those thoughts wouldn't get out of my head and I'd find myself zoning out and planning on how to do it. I wasn't even panicking about anything, more like just feeling empty and depressed about my current and future life. - -I've been fighting everyday to feel some genuine happiness in myself and love for others so I can stop putting on this fake smile so everyone doesn't worry about me. I miss it so fucking much and lately I've been getting sparks of those feelings again but they quickly dwindle away. But now with these thoughts creeping in I feel like this battle that I've been fighting for so long is pointless. I don't even see a future for myself. - -The people that I love in this life are slowly being consumed with negativity and become more and more toxic to me everyday. And I've noticed myself gaining that same negativity towards others and life. And while I know that they're probably going through some stuff and I have sympathy for them, its draining me and I can't be around them any longer since they clearly don't want change. - -Lifes been getting hard for me and its sucking the light out of me. I don't know what to do about these thoughts but they won't get out of my fucking head and I'm scared they'll get even worse. Please help me.",1,sorry kinda confusing messed hard time putting thought word f would sometimes get suicidal thought whenever going bad panic attack calmed thought would disappear always sure would never stuff knew thought quick escape emotional pain anxiety going today thought get head find zoning planning even panicking anything like feeling empty depressed current future life fighting everyday feel genuine happiness love others stop putting fake smile everyone worry miss fucking much lately getting spark feeling quickly dwindle away thought creeping feel like battle fighting long pointless even see future people love life slowly consumed negativity become toxic everyday noticed gaining negativity towards others life know probably going stuff sympathy draining around longer since clearly want change life getting hard sucking light know thought get fucking head scared get even worse please help -"So Im depressed and right now I’m getting more and more suicidal. It started with intrusive thoughts, imagining myself in many violent suicide scenarios, but right now I’m seriously considering suicide, because it gets worse and worse and I have no idea when my life will improve in any way. - -I’m trans and I haven’t started transitioning yet, I don’t even feel like I’m living, I’m just wasting my life leaving as something in between, because I’m not a woman, but literally no one sees me as a man, even I myself feel like a joke instead of proper guy. - -Even when I’m not depressed it’s not like I’m functioning normally, I have adhd, with executive dysfunction as my worst symptom and I also have asd, so I always and up being awkward, or off, or not acting not properly in any social setting. - -I feel awful all the time and I constantly vent to my friends, even though, despite them sort off telling thats okay, I know how annoyed by this they are and how little they care. And even though I understand fully, I’m hurt by this, because almost every time when I’m available I’m listening and trying to give my best support if they need to vent, especially with one of my friends, we can end up on a meeting when 90% of the time she’s the only one talking. But when I message them anything (I know I do that a lot, but still) even if they even bother to read it I usually get one word responses or just sad emojis. - -I don’t know, I just every day feel like there’s less things important for me to keep going. The only things that kept me from even considering suicide as some real option, was vision of starting my life as my true gender and not wanting to traumatise people close to me. But transitioning seems like it won’t happen anytime soon and every day spent in my body feels like hell (I’m not even exaggerating, I get constantly flight or fight response triggered by my own body). And with people close to me, I’m getting more distant from them every day. Most of the time I don’t have energy for anyone, but when I sort of do, I’m still super irritable. I just got super distant from my friends, I feel that I know nothing about most of them and the closest ones are just annoyed by my constant low mood, or I’m annoyed by them feeling like they need to criticise my behaviours, like smoking or not being able to motivate myself to do things. I won’t even start talking about my ex, he just makes my day worse just by being around me and that’s all the time. - -I don’t know I just feel like no one cares about me in a meaningful way. My friends either criticise me, or give me meaningless support. My parents don’t take my issues seriously, they literally wanna take me of all my meds in about two months, which would fuck me up, because it would mean no more focus on anything (lack of adhd meds), no more sleep (some anxiety meds that I use for my sleep troubles) and I would quit my antidepressants, which I started to take in less than two weeks ago. My psychologist is caring about me only because she’s paid and even though I like her, she’s still isn’t able to help me and I’m still not able to open up to her, either cause of fear of being honest about my feelings or because of my shitty memory that causes to remember me all the wrong things at the wrong times. - -I feel like this mini personal hell won’t end soon and even if it will, it won’t mean that all my issues will go away. I’m stuck with being trans, awkward and having adhd for the rest of my life, no matter what I do. And I don’t want it to be this way.",1,im depressed right getting suicidal started intrusive thought imagining many violent suicide scenario right seriously considering suicide get worse worse idea life improve way trans started transitioning yet even feel like living wasting life leaving something woman literally one see man even feel like joke instead proper guy even depressed like functioning normally adhd executive dysfunction worst symptom also asd always awkward acting properly social setting feel awful time constantly vent friend even though despite sort telling thats okay know annoyed little care even though understand fully hurt almost every time available listening trying give best support need vent especially one friend end meeting 90 time one talking message anything know lot still even even bother read usually get one word response sad emojis know every day feel like le thing important keep going thing kept even considering suicide real option vision starting life true gender wanting traumatise people close transitioning seems like happen anytime soon every day spent body feel like hell even exaggerating get constantly flight fight response triggered body people close getting distant every day time energy anyone sort still super irritable got super distant friend feel know nothing closest one annoyed constant low mood annoyed feeling like need criticise behaviour like smoking able motivate thing even start talking ex make day worse around time know feel like one care meaningful way friend either criticise give meaningless support parent take issue seriously literally wan na take med two month would fuck would mean focus anything lack adhd med sleep anxiety med use sleep trouble would quit antidepressant started take le two week ago psychologist caring paid even though like still able help still able open either cause fear honest feeling shitty memory cause remember wrong thing wrong time feel like mini personal hell end soon even mean issue go away stuck trans awkward adhd rest life matter want way -"Should I go check into a hospital again? I’ve admitted myself more times than I can remember over the years for depression/suicidal ideation. Not to mention the 3 attempts where I should be dead. I have some good friends & family, I know I’m blessed in ways, but have endured so much sexual trauma as a kid & later in life & have ptsd, borderline personality, extreme anxiety sometimes & addiction issues. I don’t think I want to go on much longer. What’s the point?",1,go check hospital admitted time remember year depression suicidal ideation mention attempt dead good friend amp family know blessed way endured much sexual trauma kid amp later life amp ptsd borderline personality extreme anxiety sometimes amp addiction issue think want go much longer point -I guess part of me didn’t really want to die so I’m heading back home now.,1,guess part really want die heading back home -"i am reading all those post and asking myself can i help them or am i also one of them? the answer is not shocking but all i can understood one thing the other people don't understood us, they stop understanding us in first place when we go silent, fewest of few nudge us no matter what. but personally i stop responding to express my thoughts or emotions to tell them what i feel and how i feel, because i fear it might effect their vicinity of thoughts and people around them. so i pushing people around me so i might be in misery yet not dragging any of my anchors. it is and always hard to say goodbyeno matter what, but does it worth it? i am in utter limbo state of life where i don't know what i should do. i am clueless and lifeless about my next step. i don't know what should i do where living is not an option but dying is not also one.",1,reading post asking help also one answer shocking understood one thing people understood u stop understanding u first place go silent fewest nudge u matter personally stop responding express thought emotion tell feel feel fear might effect vicinity thought people around pushing people around might misery yet dragging anchor always hard say goodbyeno matter worth utter limbo state life know clueless lifeless next step know living option dying also one -"I am 20F, no longer living with my family. -My little sister (newly 15yrs) has been struggling with depression and self harm for a while now. But it recently has gotten worse. Like a lot worse. She is cutting a lot, searching for ways to kill herself, googling about eating disorders. Her only friends always play the who's more depressed game. She sees a therapist but doesnt open up. Most recently she has been messaging a 19M. Which my parents will be handling with the police. What do I do? I've been depressed and sent to mental hospitals for SH, so I do understand a bit. I just don't know how to help her. I don't want to lose her and I don't want her to be in this much pain. I love her more than anything, more than myself.",1,0f longer living family little sister newly yr struggling depression self harm recently gotten worse like lot worse cutting lot searching way kill googling eating disorder friend always play depressed game see therapist doesnt open recently messaging 9m parent handling police depressed sent mental hospital sh understand bit know help want lose want much pain love anything -"the only reason i can't bring myself to do it is the thought of my mom coming to wake me up and finding me dead. or the rest of my family feeling burdened by it. we've already lost a cousin of mine to suicide barely two years ago. i don't want to do that to them. it's the only reason i haven't yet. if only i could stop being so damn empathetic to my own detriment, i could just stab myself and finally be free.",1,reason bring thought mom coming wake finding dead rest family feeling burdened already lost cousin mine suicide barely two year ago want reason yet could stop damn empathetic detriment could stab finally free -"I don't have access to a gun, and after attempting and going unconscious I don't think I could go through the pain and fear of hanging again. I want to overdose with something like fentanyl. I guess the only thing I'm scared of is getting arrested because of it. Is there a possession with intent to overdose law? Do you think I'd be charged? - - -For more information -\- 17 yo Minor -\-perfectly clean record (except legal holds for suicide) -\- Never touched any kind of drug (including alcohol) -\- Legally mentally disabled (have a 504 for depression and anxiety)",1,access gun attempting going unconscious think could go pain fear hanging want overdose something like fentanyl guess thing scared getting arrested possession intent overdose law think charged information yo minor perfectly clean record except legal hold suicide never touched kind drug including alcohol legally mentally disabled 0 depression anxiety -"Everything, every good thing that has happend to me so far is a lie. They’re all the things that are used against me to burn me alive. - -I’m so sorry that I dedicate my all towards something, only to see it fail and burn right in front of my eyes. - - -I DESERVE NOTHING BUT PAIN. I’m a waste of space. God doesnt exist. He would never be okay with all that has been happening to me. Why cant I just fucking go peacefully. - - -I’m tired of crying….",1,everything every good thing happend far lie thing used burn alive sorry dedicate towards something see fail burn right front eye deserve nothing pain waste space god doesnt exist would never okay happening cant fucking go peacefully tired cry -"my boyfriend is suicidal, (he’s almost attempted 3 separate times, -thankfully I’ve stopped him, I know he sometimes cuts himself, very small cuts, but he just sent me a photo of photo of a drawing he made of us, using his own blood, he wrote cute things all over it, but he literally used his own blood, so I feel like he’s thinking about attempting, since he put angel wings on his back, what do I do I don’t want him hurting himself anymore, I make sure to spend as much time with him as possible, and even though we’re both 16 we both truly love each other, I just have no idea how to handle this, like should i go over to his house to see how he’s doing? His parents could care less about him, im the only one who’s ever there for him, -What should I do I need help",1,boyfriend suicidal almost attempted separate time thankfully stopped know sometimes cut small cut sent photo photo drawing made u using blood wrote cute thing literally used blood feel like thinking attempting since put angel wing back want hurting anymore make sure spend much time possible even though truly love idea handle like go house see parent could care le im one ever need help -"I slept for 18 hours straight yesterday, it felt really good. I wish i could do that everyday.",1,slept hour straight yesterday felt really good wish could everyday -People freak out when I tell them I'm going to commit suicide,1,people freak tell going commit suicide -" -Context: - -grew up in a pretty abusive family and always wanted to Jill myself even as a young child. It get worse till couldn’t cope and went to child services at age 11 as I felt I was going crazy. I was removed from my family and never saw my mum /sister again . - -My suicidal thoughts seem to not always be here now but come in waves. - -I’m feeling pretty suicidal now as my gf left me but it made me reminiscent of my last suicidal episode about a year ago. - - -This was the most intense one yet, I had plans and everything. The last thing I had to do was to speak to my mum and sister before I passed away. I spoke to my sister first and she basically was horrible to me to the point I couldn’t speak to my mum out of guilt. Turns out the abuse got a lot worse after I got removed and my sister blamed me for it. It hit me pretty hard . I didn’t end up speaking to my mum. - -Here’s where things get interesting : -As I never spoke to my mum, I never killed my self. - -She ended up dying a few months afterwards. - -Now I feel weird. If I had rang her and killed myself would she have been alive? It sounds silly but my mums illness was caused by sadness, I’m sure if I spoke to her she would have survived. But then I would be dead? - -So would my suicide have saved a life somewhat ? - -This now makes me more suicidal , as I didn’t speak to her before she died. - -But this time I don’t have the courage to kill myself. - -Sticky situation",1,context grew pretty abusive family always wanted jill even young child get worse till cope went child service age felt going crazy removed family never saw mum sister suicidal thought seem always come wave feeling pretty suicidal gf left made reminiscent last suicidal episode year ago intense one yet plan everything last thing speak mum sister passed away spoke sister first basically horrible point speak mum guilt turn abuse got lot worse got removed sister blamed hit pretty hard end speaking mum thing get interesting never spoke mum never killed self ended dying month afterwards feel weird rang killed would alive sound silly mum illness caused sadness sure spoke would survived would dead would suicide saved life somewhat make suicidal speak died time courage kill sticky situation -"Hi, everyone - -I'm going to tell about my thoughts (I'm not fluent in English so maybe it will have a lot of mistakes, but that's a reason for it) -First I'm joining this community cause I can say what I'm thinking without no-one knowing cause my parentsand my gf dont talk in English. -Second, I've been searching about how to suicide and my first reaction was panic I was depressed. Today a still look the same thing but I'm not anxious or feeling panic. Actually I'm really calm about it. I don't know if it's courage, or cause I'm weak or I maybe I just accepted my destiny. - -I hope you all get by through this, cause I'm not able to handle it anymore. - -Nice to met you all and goodbye. - -Sincerely, matcordeiro.",1,hi everyone going tell thought fluent english maybe lot mistake reason first joining community cause say thinking without one knowing cause parentsand gf dont talk english second searching suicide first reaction panic depressed today still look thing anxious feeling panic actually really calm know courage cause weak maybe accepted destiny hope get cause able handle anymore nice met goodbye sincerely matcordeiro -"Gonna sound stupid as this happens to everyone, but my daughter brought from daycare a nasty stomach bug. I’ve been puking my guts out and sitting on the toilet most of the day. - -I’m so tired but I can’t sleep cause of the symptoms. I rapidly become so distressed, my brain start to spin out of control and I want to end it all. - -I’m not capable to do it to be honest, but man it is distressing. I know after some sleep I’ll be good, but the current moments are atrocious. I just can’t focus on something else or clear my mind. - -I should say I combine that to ongoing struggles with operational anxiety from the military…every little thing pushes me to the edge",1,gon na sound stupid happens everyone daughter brought daycare nasty stomach bug puking gut sitting toilet day tired sleep cause symptom rapidly become distressed brain start spin control want end capable honest man distressing know sleep good current moment atrocious focus something else clear mind say combine ongoing struggle operational anxiety military every little thing push edge -"To make things clear, no one invalidates me, because i avoid every person and talk to no one, i invalidate myself. For whatever reason it’s been made printed in my head to invalidate myself all the time, like some sort of fucked competition on who has it worse. I dont know why i do it, i know that every person’s experience is different, no one can experience the same thing as you, its your struggles or whatever. I know this yet anytime i hear any negative thing someone is dealing with or read something i downplay my struggles and just assume the person is going through worse. I just say that i ain’t going through shit compared to this person or that person. Its dumb, i dont know why i do it, i shouldnt be comparing my struggles to other peoples yet for whatever reason i do. -Thank you for reading, sorry if i made anyone mad or anything.",1,make thing clear one invalidates avoid every person talk one invalidate whatever reason made printed head invalidate time like sort fucked competition worse dont know know every person experience different one experience thing struggle whatever know yet anytime hear negative thing someone dealing read something downplay struggle assume person going worse say going shit compared person person dumb dont know shouldnt comparing struggle people yet whatever reason thank reading sorry made anyone mad anything -Ya I’m gonna to do it tonight. It’s better for everyone this way.,1,ya gon na tonight better everyone way -,1,nan -"I’ve just had enough of everything I don’t know what to do anymore or who to talk to. I tried to end my life twice through overdose and that didn’t work. I have episodes where I just don’t want to be here anymore I get agitated and it doesn’t matter what anyone says or does it doesn’t make it any better. I fear that I will have an episode of contemplating suicide and I’ll just jump off a bridge it’s like my mind takes over and I don’t think of anyone else. My last resort is sectioning and I know what it’s like (I live in UK), but I feel like that would be the safest environment for me where I can focus on getting better without having that constant worry of ending my life. - -Can anyone provide any advice at all I would appreciate it. I just feel like my life is so pointless growing up with a disability, being bullied, always feeling different to everyone else, childhood trauma and now having a constant battle everyday with my mental health. I try to get on with life but I always feel like it would be better if I wasn’t here.",1,enough everything know anymore talk tried end life twice overdose work episode want anymore get agitated matter anyone say make better fear episode contemplating suicide jump bridge like mind take think anyone else last resort sectioning know like live uk feel like would safest environment focus getting better without constant worry ending life anyone provide advice would appreciate feel like life pointless growing disability bullied always feeling different everyone else childhood trauma constant battle everyday mental health try get life always feel like would better -"I've had thoughts of not wanting to exist for a while, but I've been very much in denial to myself and when spoken to by others about my desire to stop existing. I know I also make jokes on occasion and yet when I vent it's like I'm annoying the people around me or pushing them away because they don't want to hear about my problems, they want me to be a happy strong pillar for them who always listens when they need, not the other way around. - - -I spoilered this as NSFW because it's for one, triggering, and for two I'd like for less people to see it on my profile. - - -I just vented about one of the aspects of these thoughts on a shared space in the channel for triggering topics, but I think I want a new outlet just this once. I don't like relying on reddit for anything nor putting sensitive information out there, so there's a good chance I'll be deleting this post later. - - -"" I feel like this might be triggering - -But I just keep thinking of a sensory deprivation void that's just dark grey with no stimuli - -and how without the need for sustenance after a while I'd start to fade and all brain activity would just shut off - -And that's the sort of isolation that I keep wanting - -No offending sounds, or smells - -No need to eat and no bodily functions - -No pain of going without and no pain from my brain suffering the ill effects of my current lifestyle - -It's an interesting artistic vision but I see how it's too much to share and possibly triggering to some - -""artistic vision"" it's interesting when viewed through that lens I should say"" - - -I'm less concerned with making sense anymore, because I used to put so much effort into syntax and how I came across, but I'm sick of trying so hard for people. I'm good with the rambling writing style I've been using lately. I'm tired of putting in effort to say things that I'm ashamed of only to have it weird out other people. I'm good, I'm alright, I'm just suffering these bad issues that don't go away, and sometimes I have a hard time keeping up appearances. I'm ashamed of this, I'm much more neurotic than shared here, but I'm okay with it. - - -I'm okay with it. I'm accepting it. I'm going to allow myself to feel it and not hate myself for having emotions like usual. I'm okay with it.",1,thought wanting exist much denial spoken others desire stop existing know also make joke occasion yet vent like annoying people around pushing away want hear problem want happy strong pillar always listens need way around spoilered nsfw one triggering two like le people see profile vented one aspect thought shared space channel triggering topic think want new outlet like relying reddit anything putting sensitive information good chance deleting post later feel like might triggering keep thinking sensory deprivation void dark grey stimulus without need sustenance start fade brain activity would shut sort isolation keep wanting offending sound smell need eat bodily function pain going without pain brain suffering ill effect current lifestyle interesting artistic vision see much share possibly triggering artistic vision interesting viewed lens say le concerned making sense anymore used put much effort syntax came across sick trying hard people good rambling writing style using lately tired putting effort say thing ashamed weird people good alright suffering bad issue go away sometimes hard time keeping appearance ashamed much neurotic shared okay okay accepting going allow feel hate emotion like usual okay -"A lot of the time when it gets dark I just start feeling so fucking shitty and I don’t know why. Is this normal? Things that will pop into my mind are things like how I could just kill myself and people would get over it soon. In different times of my life I’ve planned out what dates work best as to not ruin holidays or birthdays, - -Im not sure if this kind of stuff is normal?",1,lot time get dark start feeling fucking shitty know normal thing pop mind thing like could kill people would get soon different time life planned date work best ruin holiday birthday im sure kind stuff normal -"someone understanding please, if you're not I'm sorry it'll only make it worse. I don't want to vent about my problems because it'll make me break down I hope you understand",1,someone understanding please sorry make worse want vent problem make break hope understand -"I just want this pain to stop, and I don’t know if it’s my fault that I am the way I am. -So maybe I deserve this feeling, maybe this is my punishment for being a bad person. - -I have a fear of my parents touching me, and most people would think that’s ridiculous. -It’s OCD, and it’s killing me. - -I don’t live with them anymore but every time they ask to see me… I wish I could stop existing. -I feel like a bad person for wanting to avoid them, even if they gave me trauma. - -So maybe this is what I deserve, maybe it’s all because of me. I wish I wasn’t like this. I wish I didn’t have to be alive. I’m ready to go.",1,want pain stop know fault way maybe deserve feeling maybe punishment bad person fear parent touching people would think ridiculous ocd killing live anymore every time ask see wish could stop existing feel like bad person wanting avoid even gave trauma maybe deserve maybe wish like wish alive ready go -no matter what i do and how much i try i feel like noone will ever really care but thats fine i dont want to be alive anymore anyways i keep saying im doing better but im not im sorry i just dont want anyone to worry i just want to be normal i never asked for any of this i never fucking asked to be born into a shithole family i never asked for a potential personality disorder i never fucking asked to be alive this long ive tried so many times ive done so much stupid shit im just ruining my life and ruining everyones perception of me maybe if i make people hate me itll be easier for them to deal with my death i dont want to live anymore i cant eat anymore i can barely get up anymore i have incredibly shit hygiene its disgusting i know im sorry im sorry im like this im sorry im so fucking sorry im still alive it would be easier if i wasnt it would be itd be better it be better that way maybe id be happy maybe itd bring people peace to know im not ruining myself anymore,1,matter much try feel like noone ever really care thats fine dont want alive anymore anyways keep saying im better im im sorry dont want anyone worry want normal never asked never fucking asked born shithole family never asked potential personality disorder never fucking asked alive long ive tried many time ive done much stupid shit im ruining life ruining everyones perception maybe make people hate itll easier deal death dont want live anymore cant eat anymore barely get anymore incredibly shit hygiene disgusting know im sorry im sorry im like im sorry im fucking sorry im still alive would easier wasnt would itd better better way maybe id happy maybe itd bring people peace know im ruining anymore -"My bf's ex is now his best friend, there like siblings according to them and they love each other like family. I'm a person that can't handle change well at all, they use to hate each other and that was what I was use to. They became best friends and I try so hard to deal with it and be her friend and accept it but it's so hard for me (I've been trying for months). Eventually tonight, she got in a predicament and I helped her bf get her and calm her down. I feel like maybe I'm accepting her more and friendship more, but this relief feeling wants me to k*ll myself even more. What is this? I'm so confused, I thought having good relationships would make you want to stay more.",1,bf ex best friend like sibling according love like family person handle change well use hate use became best friend try hard deal friend accept hard trying month eventually tonight got predicament helped bf get calm feel like maybe accepting friendship relief feeling want k even confused thought good relationship would make want stay -"It's just pointless. What good is money when your country denies you access for help anyways and nobody cares? -People look at me like I'm some sort of a freak. I'm lucky only half of my family hates me, but they don't understand. -I try to reach out for help via phone and when I explained my situation I get called a ""f*g"" by the person on the line all because I said I'm trans woman looking for therapist. -I am so tired of never being able to leave my room, thar 8 years looking for a doctor hasn't worked, that people call me a monster, threat to our culture, that I'm giving a bad impression to children even though I never leave my house!! I literally don't interact with anyone and nobody sees or hears me and yet I'm still seen as a monster. -I'll do you all a favor and just die cause it's too much I'm tired of living like this and if I'm such a bad threat then I'll be doing every one a favor.",1,pointless good money country denies access help anyways nobody care people look like sort freak lucky half family hate understand try reach help via phone explained situation get called f g person line said trans woman looking therapist tired never able leave room thar year looking doctor worked people call monster threat culture giving bad impression child even though never leave house literally interact anyone nobody see hears yet still seen monster favor die cause much tired living like bad threat every one favor -Everyone is saying I was abusive I wasn't I genuinely felt like jumping off a cliff and would of if a friend wasn't there,1,everyone saying abusive genuinely felt like jumping cliff would friend -,1,nan -"my girlfriend left me and is probably in love with my best friend. my ‘best friend’ stopped giving a shit about me and flirted with her. they cuddled when they were here. he wouldn’t even check in on me. my dad is having a baby. my great grandma is dying. my health is getting more and more fucked over and turns out i might have a bleeding disorder. my abusive ex is spreading more shit about me and trying to ruin my life - -nothing is ok. i don’t think i’m going to be okay everything is falling apart. i haven’t felt this suicidal in a long time i want to fucking die i can’t do this",1,girlfriend left probably love best friend best friend stopped giving shit flirted cuddled even check dad baby great grandma dying health getting fucked turn might bleeding disorder abusive ex spreading shit trying ruin life nothing ok think going okay everything falling apart felt suicidal long time want fucking die -"I don’t deserve to be alive. I’m a complete and total fuck up that deserves to die. I just overdosed on my clonazepam, so here’s hoping that it kills me.",1,deserve alive complete total fuck deserves die overdosed clonazepam hoping kill -"shes been saying nasty comments about my body since i was like 7. they used to tell me i needed to stop eating and stuff like that snd its been destroying my body image. i feel like no one will ever love me if im not unhealthily skinny. i starved myself for a good while like 2 years ago and lost a lot of weight. i then hot depressed as hell and gained it all again. she still says some nasty comments, last night she said ”of course its not good that you were starvinh yourself, BUT it mustve been so nice to find clothes that fit right, dont you miss that?”. i just want her to think im pretty and the kind of daughter she wants.",1,shes saying nasty comment body since like used tell needed stop eating stuff like snd destroying body image feel like one ever love im unhealthily skinny starved good like year ago lost lot weight hot depressed hell gained still say nasty comment last night said course good starvinh mustve nice find clothes fit right dont miss want think im pretty kind daughter want -,1,nan -"Not even to talk about anything, it was kind of odd actually he just said he was on lunch and had to go back to work in 10. He just wanted to bother me for a minute. - -I think he just saved my life... Go fucking figure.",1,even talk anything kind odd actually said lunch go back work 0 wanted bother minute think saved life go fucking figure -"I've tried, I've put in effort, I've fought back and I did get better before it all went downhill again til I'm back to square one. Then, still I got told to try and put in more effort to fight back, as if that wasn't what I have been doing to get this far, to survive this far. No matter how much effort I put, in the end everything came back to nothing. It's all meaningless. They would only see the result, without acknowledging nor appreciating the efforts. I'm too tired to fight anymore. -I don't have anyone to talk to about my problems; more like, I don't have anyone that I trust enough for me to really open up to. Even the friends I got right now, I can't feel a strong connection with them. I don't even talk much with them. Also too scared to even talk to a therapist and seek help. Having to reveal my problems like that makes me feel vulnerable, miserable and embarrassing. -(Another reason for not seeking help is so I can break down even more until I really lose my mind and there'd really be nothing better than dying, I guess. But mainly, I hate the idea of having to reveal myself to others as I've mentioned just before this). -I've grown too tired. I've been spending a lot more time in my room playing games and barely doing anything productive outside of my work. I don't have any motivation or dreams. Sometimes I fear having to sleep at night because by the time I wake up, I'd have to go through another dull day again and repeat the same things over and over again. -The problem is in me. I can't run away from myself. I wish I could just disappear from existence. And it'd be nice if no one would remember me at all. -I'm going to sleep and I hope I won't wake up to greet another day, but I know that ain't gonna happen. - -Will delete this post later. I don't really like posting a rant like this too, but I really needed to get it out a bit. Please don't mind this post at all and have a good day to whoever has read this til the end.",1,tried put effort fought back get better went downhill til back square one still got told try put effort fight back get far survive far matter much effort put end everything came back nothing meaningless would see result without acknowledging appreciating effort tired fight anymore anyone talk problem like anyone trust enough really open even friend got right feel strong connection even talk much also scared even talk therapist seek help reveal problem like make feel vulnerable miserable embarrassing another reason seeking help break even really lose mind really nothing better dying guess mainly hate idea reveal others mentioned grown tired spending lot time room playing game barely anything productive outside work motivation dream sometimes fear sleep night time wake go another dull day repeat thing problem run away wish could disappear existence nice one would remember going sleep hope wake greet another day know gon na happen delete post later really like posting rant like really needed get bit please mind post good day whoever read til end -"Really, I'm tired, i tried pills, choking myself with a belt, hanging, carbon monoxide and i can't buy a fucking gun because of the fucking country i live in, so tired of this shit, so tired of being loveless. And before you start with ""you must be an incel"" no, i don't blame women for not liking me, i blame my fucking genes and i blame my shyness and how my stupidity has fuck things up. I'm tired but i can't fucking seem to die.",1,really tired tried pill choking belt hanging carbon monoxide buy fucking gun fucking country live tired shit tired loveless start must incel blame woman liking blame fucking gene blame shyness stupidity fuck thing tired fucking seem die -"Doesn’t seem like I’m contributing enough to the world for my life to be so precious that I need to still be here. I don’t know how to do this but I have considered hanging myself or starting my car in a garage for the carbon monoxide. My financial issues will never end, my disability is chronic, and it doesn’t seem like there is a point in fighting any of this anymore.",1,seem like contributing enough world life precious need still know considered hanging starting car garage carbon monoxide financial issue never end disability chronic seem like point fighting anymore -"No matter how hard I try, I just seem to be a background character to everyone else. - -For years I have tried to be a better person. ""Socialize more, be extroverted, dress nicely, workout, try to be friendlier, love yourself"" yada yada yada. It's all bullshit lies I told myself. Delusions that I thought would make me be noticed and at least somewhat respected, but in the end it seems like I don't even exist. - -It's absolutely soul crushing. I feel like most people just look right through me, as if I were a ghost, the shadow of what once was a person. - -I've never had anyone I could truly call a friend. Just recently my best friend told me that I wasn't even his best friend, that there was someone else that he sees as his true best friend. I'm not angry at him, just dissapointed at the circumstances. I'm just another shoulder to cry on for every person I talk to. - -I've never had a girlfriend, no one ever really loved me. That stings the most. I constantly hear stories about people and their experiences with love, yet here I am at 20 years old never even having kissed anyone. At my age my brother already had several girlfriends, so did all the other people at my age that I know. - -I feel like a fucking clown. I really am less than human. I've always been the laughingstock of the fucking world, never been respected, always ignored. I'm depressed and suicidal, but most of all I'm angry. If people don't want to see me, I will fucking force them to see me. They'll have no other choice but to see me, one way or another.",1,matter hard try seem background character everyone else year tried better person socialize extroverted dress nicely workout try friendlier love yada yada yada bullshit lie told delusion thought would make noticed least somewhat respected end seems like even exist absolutely soul crushing feel like people look right ghost shadow person never anyone could truly call friend recently best friend told even best friend someone else see true best friend angry dissapointed circumstance another shoulder cry every person talk never girlfriend one ever really loved sting constantly hear story people experience love yet 0 year old never even kissed anyone age brother already several girlfriend people age know feel like fucking clown really le human always laughingstock fucking world never respected always ignored depressed suicidal angry people want see fucking force see choice see one way another -"Im tired,I’m so tired,a tiredness that I can’t describe anymore.I really can't believe that my life is really the one I have now.When I see myself in the mirror or just at random times during the day.I can’t help but have tears running down my cheeks/hurting myself when I’m wondering how I went from an innocent, happy, optimistic person to a destroyed and sad who just wants to die.I know others can have it harder but for me, that's all I can bear.I can't take it anymore. I'm unhappy but also angry, angry because I wonder why all this happened to me. Why do I have to live all of this at only 15 ??This question will never have an answer. I just deserve it. Idk why Im writing this so late even tho no one will see it. -In short,I’ve definitely given up and this message is therefore my last straw.",1,im tired tired tiredness describe anymore really believe life really one see mirror random time day help tear running cheek hurting wondering went innocent happy optimistic person destroyed sad want die know others harder bear take anymore unhappy also angry angry wonder happened live question never answer deserve idk im writing late even tho one see short definitely given message therefore last straw -" know I'm severely depressed, but it's been like this for 7 years I can't do another 60 years of this. I turn 21 on Monday and I just so tired of this life already. I have 'friends' but there's no one I'm close to, no one to tell my day about (not that there would be anything to talk about i do fuck all, just barely surviving the day) Getting out of bed in the morning is so difficult. I watch my friends able to go out everyday, talk passionately about the things they're interested in, make plans for the future and I just wish I could do that. I genuinely don't enjoy anything. I'm doing a degree I hate but it's too late now to change it, and not be able to get out of bed to attend my lectures doesn't help. I'm on a waiting list for therapy but I'm number 31 so that could be up to a years wait. I've tried 4 different antidepressants and they have done fuck all. I just can't stop thinking about how it would be best for everyone if I got hit by a truck. I am draining to be around, I wouldn't be my own friend so God knows what anyone else thinks. - -My first thoughts about anything is negative. Someone asked me the other day what I want to do after university and I told them I want to be dead. Because in all truth that's what I want, I don't want to be alive. Someone wanted me to do something, and the first thing out my mouth was ""yeah well I want to chuck myself in front of a train but we can't always get what we want"", didn't even mean to say it but its just always at the front of my mind. And I don't even know if it's true, because I'm not at risk of doing anything. I've absolutely no intention of chucking myself infront of a train but I want to no longer exist. - -Sometimes I think I need to reach out to someone but who and why bother what are they gonna do. I went to my GP about it and spoke to a mental health nurse but all that's done is given me antidepressants that don't work and put me on a year long waiting list. - -I'm meeting up with family for my 21st, my and brother, aunts and uncles and cousins that I haven't seen in a while, all travelling to see me. I should be looking forward to it, but I'm not. I'm dreading it because they've all got their lives together, have something to live for. They're gonna ask me how I'm doing and either I lie (though they will know I'm not telling the truth) or I'm honest and bring the whole mood down. And what point would telling them, they can't do anything. - -When I say I want to chuck myself in front of a train I'm not just doing it for attention. I don't plan to do anything of the sort but i think it's the only way I know of saying how I really feel because no other way describes it. Just saying I'm not doing great doesn't really cut it, I'm doing fucking awfully and don't know how to stop it",1,know severely depressed like year another 0 year turn monday tired life already friend one close one tell day would anything talk fuck barely surviving day getting bed morning difficult watch friend able go everyday talk passionately thing interested make plan future wish could genuinely enjoy anything degree hate late change able get bed attend lecture help waiting list therapy number could year wait tried different antidepressant done fuck stop thinking would best everyone got hit truck draining around friend god know anyone else think first thought anything negative someone asked day want university told want dead truth want want alive someone wanted something first thing mouth yeah well want chuck front train always get want even mean say always front mind even know true risk anything absolutely intention chucking infront train want longer exist sometimes think need reach someone bother gon na went gp spoke mental health nurse done given antidepressant work put year long waiting list meeting family st brother aunt uncle cousin seen travelling see looking forward dreading got life together something live gon na ask either lie though know telling truth honest bring whole mood point would telling anything say want chuck front train attention plan anything sort think way know saying really feel way describes saying great really cut fucking awfully know stop -"my boyfriend and I have been fighting So. Damn. Much. It’s driving me mad. I love him but I can’t go on like this. He’s narcissistic, controlling, goes on power trips. etc. - -One time I told him about how I get thoughts to unalive myself. Fast forward (maybe a couple months) and he had the AUDACITY to tell me “why don’t you just go k_ _ _ yourself”. - -LIKE WHAT. - -He knows my past, my trauma, I’ve told him my triggers. Because of this, it makes it that much harder to open up about struggles/my mental health. - -For instance the other day I told him I miss how we used to text. (Having actual convos/interaction) and he took it as I was starting an argument, which I told him I wasn’t, just was saying how I felt. Well everyday after work (last 3 nights) it’s been hell. Him starting arguments, he packed all my stuff in trash bags and was going to kick me out. Over telling him my feelings, but then says I don’t communicate. This is the same guy that I’ve been with for a couple years. He says I’m pushing him away but he’s pushing me away, to the extent of even living. - -I feel like I’m going crazy, and I know I’m not. Please tell me I’m not. I’m just “tired”. - -We all know what “tired” means.",1,boyfriend fighting damn much driving mad love go like narcissistic controlling go power trip etc one time told get thought unalive fast forward maybe couple month audacity tell go k like know past trauma told trigger make much harder open struggle mental health instance day told miss used text actual convos interaction took starting argument told saying felt well everyday work last night hell starting argument packed stuff trash bag going kick telling feeling say communicate guy couple year say pushing away pushing away extent even living feel like going crazy know please tell tired know tired mean -"Title more or less, I‘m AMAB non binary and at the low point of my life (so far). I need to talk to somebody but I‘m a bit scared tbh. The reason being while I‘m having more and more s*icidal thoughts and thinking of how pointless life is, I know that I‘m too much of a coward to actually commit to it and I don’t want to hog the space for someone who’s off worse than me. - -TL;DR: I don’t see much points in living anymore but I just know I most likely won’t kms, is it ok though if I call the hotline?",1,title le amab non binary low point life far need talk somebody bit scared tbh reason icidal thought thinking pointless life know much coward actually commit want hog space someone worse tl dr see much point living anymore know likely km ok though call hotline -Don’t really know why I’m posting. Don’t know what to expect. I already hate myself more than life itself but it is what it is. I caught my wife cheating on Valentine’s Day which was great. We tried to work things out but apparently she would rather have him. A felon/drug addict. I’m not perfect but damn. Everything’s just gone downhill since. I don’t see a point in life without her but I can’t have her so idk. I’m so lost in every aspect of life. I already know how I’ll do it but I can’t because I can’t do that to my granny.,1,really know posting know expect already hate life caught wife cheating valentine day great tried work thing apparently would rather felon drug addict perfect damn everything gone downhill since see point life without idk lost every aspect life already know granny -,1,nan -"So first of all i know that this is all fucking messed up, it is the way it is though. I've been depressed and suicidal for a while now and my ex knows that aswell. I promised him that I would never kill myself (which I really regret but whatever). I asked them a couple of times but they didn't want me to break my promise. And they also said if I did they'd commit suicide aswell. However now my ex told me that if I told my younger brother I was gonna do it, how and why it would be okay to break the promise. I just I can't I can't go to my younger brother, tell him ""hey I'm gonna kms bc life sucks and I'm just gonna hang myself"" . I know commiting suicide will hurt ppl around me but they will be fine. Except maybe my younger brother that's what I'm scared for. However it's so much worse though if I tell him I'm gonna end my life before I do it. He will feel so much more guilt and I just don't know what to do and everything hurts so much physically and mentally.",1,first know fucking messed way though depressed suicidal ex know aswell promised would never kill really regret whatever asked couple time want break promise also said commit suicide aswell however ex told told younger brother gon na would okay break promise go younger brother tell hey gon na km bc life suck gon na hang know commiting suicide hurt ppl around fine except maybe younger brother scared however much worse though tell gon na end life feel much guilt know everything hurt much physically mentally -"what’s the actual point of stopping me from doing this, it will allow a person who is suffering to not suffer any more, i don’t want to do this any more, it’s a never ending battle and i’m tired, say i’m a quitter, i don’t care. - -why do you care about the life of a person on the internet, who will never contact or see you, who you, for all means, should not have any personal connection to you, yet people still care to tell me to stop when i’m that close to stopping the pain. - -at this point, i could care less about most of my family, most of them are why i want myself dead anyway. my friends would read the note i’d be leaving and understand why i did it. - -i know these paragraphs are completely intelligible but i just don’t get why suicide is a bad thing to people, why do people think it’s a bad thing, that’s the one thing i don’t get.",1,actual point stopping allow person suffering suffer want never ending battle tired say quitter care care life person internet never contact see mean personal connection yet people still care tell stop close stopping pain point could care le family want dead anyway friend would read note leaving understand know paragraph completely intelligible get suicide bad thing people people think bad thing one thing get -"please do NOT read if you’re in a bad mental state currently. - -Is it painful to overdose and d!e on medication? - -Can someone who has experienced an 0verdose from a combination from the following list please explain the sequence of events: adderall, doxepin, duexis (ibuprofen + famotidine), pristiq, abilify, buspar, alcohol, and c0caine. -Do any combination of these allow someone to d!e in their sleep without feeling pain? - -I know many prescription medications (including some of the ones previously listed) are designed to make death from taking too many difficult. -I also know surviving an attempt can be very painful and lead to lasting negative health effects. - -What do you do if someone is unresponsive locked in their room? -You’d call 911 and they would be the ones to break down the door and enter keeping you from seeing anything right? - -Lastly, can a family cover-up someone’s su!c!de attempt and keep it a secret/out of the media? Can they just tell people it was a drug 0verdose or is there no way to avoid everyone knowing what happened? - -I’m sorry for these asking these questions.",1,please read bad mental state currently painful overdose e medication someone experienced 0verdose combination following list please explain sequence event adderall doxepin duexis ibuprofen famotidine pristiq abilify buspar alcohol c0caine combination allow someone e sleep without feeling pain know many prescription medication including one previously listed designed make death taking many difficult also know surviving attempt painful lead lasting negative health effect someone unresponsive locked room call 9 would one break door enter keeping seeing anything right lastly family cover someone su c de attempt keep secret medium tell people drug 0verdose way avoid everyone knowing happened sorry asking question -I've felt this way consistently for probably the last 2-4 years with only brief deluded relief . I hope that it's just eternal oblivion in a sense.,1,felt way consistently probably last year brief deluded relief hope eternal oblivion sense -Was looking for this. Usually I go to bed 1st but today my wife is sleeping so I will go to km. It was about the time to do it.,1,looking usually go bed st today wife sleeping go km time -"i see no future ahead of me and i am very much fucked right now. life is going too fast, i cant keep up with anything. i literally have no friends. no one would try to find me if i go missing one day. im living in this shit hole away from parents since 14 and they dont even care about me at this point. - -everyone can see that i am going to kill myself, but no one even sees me at all - -currently making plans. if anyone finds my reddit account, somehow,,,, after i die take this as a sorry. i was a bad kid and became a horrible adult. sorry for not doing good things and making everyone around me sad until i have no one around me left",1,see future ahead much fucked right life going fast cant keep anything literally friend one would try find go missing one day im living shit hole away parent since dont even care point everyone see going kill one even see currently making plan anyone find reddit account somehow die take sorry bad kid became horrible adult sorry good thing making everyone around sad one around left - I keep thinking that I’m only putting all this effort in for someone else because I love her and I don’t want to hurt her and I enjoy being with her and how she makes me feel. But I also want to get better so I can be in a better place to be more supportive for her and my peers. I’m trying to live for myself and not others but I’m not sure where I am with that.,1,keep thinking putting effort someone else love want hurt enjoy make feel also want get better better place supportive peer trying live others sure -"I dont bother doing anything all day and im failing college, yet im still tired and im constantly thinking about suicide",1,dont bother anything day im failing college yet im still tired im constantly thinking suicide -"I feel so helpless. Like I have absolutely no say in my own life. And I have no idea what to do anymore. - -All I want to do, is to kill myself. But the way that I've decided to do it, is going to be painful, and right now, I've become so mentally weak, that I can't even tolerate or accept pain. I wish I could just die in my sleep tonight. Or get hit by a bus tomorrow, because I'm not even strong enough to end my life, no matter how much I want to.",1,feel helpless like absolutely say life idea anymore want kill way decided going painful right become mentally weak even tolerate accept pain wish could die sleep tonight get hit bus tomorrow even strong enough end life matter much want -"My on and off boyfriend of two years left me after I got diagnosed with BPD less that two weeks ago. -He decided to read the BPlovedones subreddit and like yeah, I will not invalidate their experiences. But the way they speak of people with BPD is dehumanizing. -Everything seemed fine Sunday and then he read the stuff Monday and dipped on Tuesday. -I don’t want to be alive because I don’t want to hurt anyone else and I feel so disconnected from the world. -It’s not because he left. It’s because I feel so alone and I don’t want to hurt and I don’t want to hurt anyone else. -I also feel so guilty for the shitty things I did do. -I’m worried I will never change and die alone. -I don’t know who would love someone like me after what I have done.",1,boyfriend two year left got diagnosed bpd le two week ago decided read bplovedones subreddit like yeah invalidate experience way speak people bpd dehumanizing everything seemed fine sunday read stuff monday dipped tuesday want alive want hurt anyone else feel disconnected world left feel alone want hurt want hurt anyone else also feel guilty shitty thing worried never change die alone know would love someone like done -"This is eating me alive. My suicidal thoughts/depression kept me from doing things that were very important....and now that I am trying to actually do them. (for example, I sat down to actually write on a web novel I abandoned for all of that time..and the feeling of guilt over wasting so much time has me in a choke hold..it forces me back into that dark place. This has been a struggle all of my life...I used to have this issue with not cleaning because I beat myself over not cleaning! I don't want to go back into the dark...and I don't have access to treatment for my OCD anymore...any advice on what I can do to help? Even ""it is okay"" helps tremendously. I've tried l, ""Late is better than never."" But for some reason I can't convince my brain this is true.",1,eating alive suicidal thought depression kept thing important trying actually example sat actually write web novel abandoned time feeling guilt wasting much time choke hold force back dark place struggle life used issue cleaning beat cleaning want go back dark access treatment ocd anymore advice help even okay help tremendously tried l late better never reason convince brain true -I’ve never been so fucking miserable in my entire life. I quit my job last week and I’m failing school and want to drop out for the 3rd time. I have no money and I’m disgusting and I have no worth in this shitty world. I’m tired and I can’t even get out of bed. I don’t have any energy to do anything and I want to die. Fuck everything and goodbye,1,never fucking miserable entire life quit job last week failing school want drop rd time money disgusting worth shitty world tired even get bed energy anything want die fuck everything goodbye -I’ve given up,1,given -"I doubt theyd care but at the same time, i dont wanna die alone. He’s the only person I have in my life and our friendship is most likely going to end once he moves away but it’s going to leave me in shambles; I’m probably going to attempt soon after he leaves but thats the thing.. I dont wanna die completely alone, yes I still feel as if I have nobody by my side even though we’re pretty close but regardless of that, I just want to die knowing at least one person will give somewhat of a fuck about me",1,doubt theyd care time dont wan na die alone person life friendship likely going end move away going leave shamble probably going attempt soon leaf thats thing dont wan na die completely alone yes still feel nobody side even though pretty close regardless want die knowing least one person give somewhat fuck -"I have had suicidal thoughts since high school. I am also trans and have always known it since I was young. I never felt it was something I was allowed to do. I started transitioning a few months ago now at the age of 23. - -I’ve attempted suicide 3 times in my life, and I did the least almost hoping I would live or die 50/50. - -I’ve always threatened my family that I would kill myself. Some of that was a cry for help, some of that is true. - -I have planned to live perhaps 5-6 extra years to see if truly as everyone tells me “it’s worth living just wait. I believe in my heart I can be great for myself and love myself, and yet I am plagued by this obtuse feeling of letting go for good, almost every day. - -I have had many therapists. I have one currently. I have tried meds and I truly don’t want them in my life. - -I can’t even complain, I speak 5 languages fluently, I’ve experienced a lot of life and always felt like an old soul. Although I am disappointed with this world. I am disappointed with all the hate that exists, I’m disappointed with myself and others consistently. - -Most days I wake up grateful and most days I go to sleep angry, sad, lonely and hopeless. No matter how much I try to be a force of love and light in this world in the morning, I end up depleted and sucked into the darkness each night. - -I have stayed for my family and friends who would suffer if I left. I have never once stayed for myself. I wish I found a reason to live for myself and not for others. - -I’m planning on taking shooting lessons in this year so I may get a gun license. Hopefully so that I may register a firearm in 5-6 years and kill myself. - -I’m not sure what I’m looking for saying this on here. Just needed a place to say it. I hope you’re all well and stay strong.",1,suicidal thought since high school also trans always known since young never felt something allowed started transitioning month ago age attempted suicide time life least almost hoping would live die 0 0 always threatened family would kill cry help true planned live perhaps extra year see truly everyone tell worth living wait believe heart great love yet plagued obtuse feeling letting go good almost every day many therapist one currently tried med truly want life even complain speak language fluently experienced lot life always felt like old soul although disappointed world disappointed hate exists disappointed others consistently day wake grateful day go sleep angry sad lonely hopeless matter much try force love light world morning end depleted sucked darkness night stayed family friend would suffer left never stayed wish found reason live others planning taking shooting lesson year may get gun license hopefully may register firearm year kill sure looking saying needed place say hope well stay strong -"I'm ready to go. It could be days from now, weeks from now or even months from now, but this is the only way I see myself going out and I refuse to accept any alternative. I've ghosted numerous people trying to throw their retarded empty platitudes my way, and as much as some of these mfs wanna tell me they've been there, no the fuck they haven't. I wish people could just accept the fact that some people weren't meant to live long lives.",1,ready go could day week even month way see going refuse accept alternative ghosted numerous people trying throw retarded empty platitude way much mf wan na tell fuck wish people could accept fact people meant live long life -"So I started having suicidal thoughts in April of last year and they lasted until around November. In October I started hanging out with a girl and we started becoming good friends (not romantic just friendship). My mental health started getting a lot better after a couple months of friendship with her and it’s kept getting better ever since. - -A few days ago I made a passive aggressive comment that really upset her. She won’t text me back now. I’ve tried apologizing and trying to make things right with her but I haven’t heard back from her. I’m afraid I’ve ruined this friendship forever and now my suicidal thoughts are back for the first time since last year. I always hurt the people that I care about and I hate myself so much that I do this.",1,started suicidal thought april last year lasted around november october started hanging girl started becoming good friend romantic friendship mental health started getting lot better couple month friendship kept getting better ever since day ago made passive aggressive comment really upset text back tried apologizing trying make thing right heard back afraid ruined friendship forever suicidal thought back first time since last year always hurt people care hate much -"So I started having suicidal thoughts in April of last year and they lasted until around November. In October I started hanging out with a girl and we started becoming good friends (not romantic just friendship). My mental health started getting a lot better after a couple months of friendship with her and it’s kept getting better ever since. - -A few days ago I made a passive aggressive comment that really upset her. She won’t text me back now. I’ve tried apologizing and trying to make things right with her but I haven’t heard back from her. I’m afraid I’ve ruined this friendship forever and now my suicidal thoughts are back for the first time since last year. I always hurt the people that I care about and I hate myself so much that I do this.",1,started suicidal thought april last year lasted around november october started hanging girl started becoming good friend romantic friendship mental health started getting lot better couple month friendship kept getting better ever since day ago made passive aggressive comment really upset text back tried apologizing trying make thing right heard back afraid ruined friendship forever suicidal thought back first time since last year always hurt people care hate much -honestly im tired of everything especially myself... im not good for anyone and been blocked by a friend who told me i was toxic and manipulative. im stupid and worthless why do i even deserve to live... i wish there is a fast way to kill myself and end this peacefully.,1,honestly im tired everything especially im good anyone blocked friend told toxic manipulative im stupid worthless even deserve live wish fast way kill end peacefully -"Last night i had a dream my bestfriend and i were hanging out. -As a spiritual person I believe that our passed loved ones visit us in our dreams to ""hang out"" with us in the only way they can. -My bestfriend committed a year ago, and it was the worst day of my life. Every once in a while he does this, but I had a dream last night we both hung out and had such a good time. At the end he gave me a gift and said he would see me next time. -When I woke up I was really depressed. I didn't want to go into work. I wanted to lay back down and go to sleep and hang out with him again. It made me have suicidal thoughts, and those were scary.I miss him, alot. To the point where life just seems so awful without him. And how can I live like this without him?? I'm a very lonely person and he was the only friend I had who understood me. :( help",1,last night dream bestfriend hanging spiritual person believe passed loved one visit u dream hang u way bestfriend committed year ago worst day life every dream last night hung good time end gave gift said would see next time woke really depressed want go work wanted lay back go sleep hang made suicidal thought scary miss alot point life seems awful without live like without lonely person friend understood help -"I just made the person I fell in love with cry because a miscommunication happened and I ended up breaking all contact instantly and acted like a bitch. But she still fought to keep in touch and we are better talking now but she cried tonight because of me. She cried, she got hurt, she felt so bad and she is already going through so much because of her ex and then something happened with us at work yesterday. And I ended up having a fight with my mom too. I just fucking hate that my existence is hurtful for others. I just want to fucking die so I stop hurting people. God please give me the courage to die so I stop hurting everyone around me. I do not want to live with all the sadness that’s filled in me.",1,made person fell love cry miscommunication happened ended breaking contact instantly acted like bitch still fought keep touch better talking cried tonight cried got hurt felt bad already going much ex something happened u work yesterday ended fight mom fucking hate existence hurtful others want fucking die stop hurting people god please give courage die stop hurting everyone around want live sadness filled -,1,nan -"I feel it coming on hard and it's just too much. I'm not even full spiral, I was doing so good for so long. I hate how easy it sounds to end it because, fuck, wouldn't it just be? - -I'm just screaming into the void again. I feel like quarantining when I'm like this because well meaning friends will tell me they love me and it's not worth it and to push forward and they're on my side and I know it doesn't make me feel any different about myself and maybe they do too but it's so damn tiresome. - -I hate myself and I don't think I'll ever stop, I'm tired of stressing them out or bringing them down by existing. -The cool thing about being dead is people will almost always remember the good things about you and maybe they'll talk about how you struggled but it'll sound romantic and not nearly as disgusting as it actually feels. - -Why does it have to be so attractive? Objectively speaking there's nothing sexy about about coming across the news(in whatever form) that a loved one has ended their life but here I am fantasizing about how I'll just stop being and I'll be just that more loved without having to do anything but die. No guilt no pressure, just nothing. - -I guess technically people will have to deal with my remains, they'll have to raise money to have something done with me because I definitely don't have anything in place to make it easier. - -I'm just so fucking tired.",1,feel coming hard much even full spiral good long hate easy sound end fuck screaming void feel like quarantining like well meaning friend tell love worth push forward side know make feel different maybe damn tiresome hate think ever stop tired stressing bringing existing cool thing dead people almost always remember good thing maybe talk struggled sound romantic nearly disgusting actually feel attractive objectively speaking nothing sexy coming across news whatever form loved one ended life fantasizing stop loved without anything die guilt pressure nothing guess technically people deal remains raise money something done definitely anything place make easier fucking tired -"I'm not doing well. I'm suffocating, it's hard to breathe and I have to fight the urge to slice open an artery. The only way I know how to cope is by telling someone who's actually willing to listen about my favourite comic, that's all",1,well suffocating hard breathe fight urge slice open artery way know cope telling someone actually willing listen favourite comic -"I miss Jesus.I miss the warmth. Warmth of the graspClasped onto me with both handsHoly hands, Holding Hands, Hold My handI remember. I surrender. To falsities and ill conceived connotations Taught to believe misinformation That my purpose was purposeful. But it's all for Man's profitAnd the only true Prophet is the SoothsayerAnd the Soothsayer is an entity of many layersA coterie educates on blankets of misconceptionBlanket me, So I'll be warm, full, and fret-freeDisrobe me, So I'll be broken, open, and emptyAll I take is blue pills to calm meBut all I really intake is falsityThese lines are just stanzas, so do as you willLife demands a mind of stabilityNot insanity. But insane is written all over meSo take your fake pill and snort up these linesOr waste it all, get ill, and snort white linesWhite lies won't kill. Right? Get wasted. Don't wake up. Just wait for you to fucking taste itIt's never enoughTake your blind pleasure freedom, and delight,Its your birthrightFree will. Do as you willBut think twice before they put you on the spotlight Because once they have you chained up, You convert into a cenobite With no change you secure your own chainsAnd If you're unbothered, -Call me deranged May as well fasten the rope And stay restrained No one's going to save you except the latter. So choose a life of false glamour or have it shatterThe pain is worth itOnce you're open, you can truly observe it Unlearn it. Be free from the cage. Or stay locked in and fall into the greyIts all a fucking rat race.",1,miss jesus miss warmth warmth graspclasped onto handsholy hand holding hand hold handi remember surrender falsity ill conceived connotation taught believe misinformation purpose purposeful man profitand true prophet soothsayerand soothsayer entity many layersa coterie educates blanket misconceptionblanket warm full fret freedisrobe broken open emptyall take blue pill calm mebut really intake falsitythese line stanza willlife demand mind stabilitynot insanity insane written meso take fake pill snort linesor waste get ill snort white lineswhite lie kill right get wasted wake wait fucking taste itit never enoughtake blind pleasure freedom delight birthrightfree willbut think twice put spotlight chained convert cenobite change secure chainsand unbothered call deranged may well fasten rope stay restrained one going save except latter choose life false glamour shatterthe pain worth itonce open truly observe unlearn free cage stay locked fall greyits fucking rat race -"I cant bear not being beatiful(im a man not girl), I just can't, I cant begin to process how I Myself and be less beatiful. - -Im gonna die soon,,but I havent quiited my job, I make good saving each month, I have some other bunch of saved money. How can I have some clean fun(no s\*x, no drugs),or should I try to help others? gift food/school supplies/clothes,to those who need it? I know I can donate my eyeballs and no one will care because my face isnt beatiful..beauty of the face is literally what made human conciousness. - -how do I face the use of money since I wont be needing it in old age,which ill never reach?",1,cant bear beatiful im man girl cant begin process le beatiful im gon na die soon havent quiited job make good saving month bunch saved money clean fun x drug try help others gift food school supply clothes need know donate eyeball one care face isnt beatiful beauty face literally made human conciousness face use money since wont needing old age ill never reach -"I'm tired of only having people that don't listen to me. I'm tired of codependency. I'm tired of my brain always going so fast, and there's no calming it either. I'm fucking tired. -I do not want to live anymore. -I've fucked up my life and there's no fixing it because it was doomed from the start. it seems like I'm doing great, but I'm not. I should be. but I'm not. no one cares about me. my friends couldn't care less about what I have to say. they just want me to listen. I don't want to listen anymore. -the one person I wanted to care, I realize now; doesn't give a fuck about me. he listens to her though. she is Heather and I'm meaningless. so I'm done being in the way of the two, they can have eachother. I will go. -I'm in the way. that's all I ever am. I'm an annoying thing people can't get rid of. -I'm a weight on everyone's shoulders. -I'm tired of living and I'm done with it.",1,tired people listen tired codependency tired brain always going fast calming either fucking tired want live anymore fucked life fixing doomed start seems like great one care friend care le say want listen want listen anymore one person wanted care realize give fuck listens though heather meaningless done way two eachother go way ever annoying thing people get rid weight everyone shoulder tired living done -"I’m currently on 20mgs daily but I just couldn’t do it anymore it’s all just so hard. I’ve only just taken them so don’t have any symptoms yet. I’ve only taken the fluoxetine and nothing else, is this enough to kill me? I’m slightly underweight, do I need to go to a hospital? Or just tell someone I don’t know what to do I live with my parents and I feel really bad but I still don’t want to live anymore",1,currently 0mgs daily anymore hard taken symptom yet taken fluoxetine nothing else enough kill slightly underweight need go hospital tell someone know live parent feel really bad still want live anymore -"I really fucking can't. But I can't take my life either. So I'll be a whiny bitch ass and make my fourth post on here or something saying the same fucking thing. - -I'm so tired. It hurts so much. I just want the pain to stop. Was fucking 10 when I first tried to kms. Things don't get better. Nope. They don't. 12 years on, they've only gotten worse. I really can't do this.",1,really fucking take life either whiny bitch as make fourth post something saying fucking thing tired hurt much want pain stop fucking 0 first tried km thing get better nope year gotten worse really -"I’ve been suicidal on and off for just over 2 years. I’ve been in therapy for 4. I’ve been on antidepressants for 1. I just got out of the psych ward for the first time, and now I’m in a stupid zoom partial program. I’ve been taught countless coping skills and ways of managing difficult emotions through CBT, DBT, ACT, you fucking name it. They’re suggesting that I go to a residential program for a few weeks, but there’s no cure for depression. Everyone keeps talking to me about college, but I can barely think a month into the future, never mind a year. And thinking of the whole rest of my life just stretching out ahead of me just makes me exhausted. I’m expected to keep doing this?? For like 70 more years?? At the end of the day, I just can’t imagine going on like this forever. And I know, “it gets better” and all that bullshit. But I’m so sick and tired of waiting for better. Sure, there are better days, but that just makes it all the more frustrating when the bad ones come. I’m ready for this just to be over.",1,suicidal year therapy antidepressant got psych ward first time stupid zoom partial program taught countless coping skill way managing difficult emotion cbt dbt act fucking name suggesting go residential program week cure depression everyone keep talking college barely think month future never mind year thinking whole rest life stretching ahead make exhausted expected keep like 0 year end day imagine going like forever know get better bullshit sick tired waiting better sure better day make frustrating bad one come ready -"Life is just not for me. It seems to be working out great for literally everyone else. -I’m supposed to sit around and wait for better days ? Or a miracle to happen ? What is the point. My life has 0 meaning. No relationships, no friends , no accomplishments. Just emptiness. Im tired of living , I’m tired of being alone. Hating everything about myself , my life. Wondering why God gave me this life just to sit here and be miserable. For years. Meanwhile everywhere I look is families , couples , smiles , things that I wanted but will never achieve. And I give up. I’ll be happier gone than I ever experienced alive. And the most sad part is no one will ever know I’m gone. (I even feel stupid and sorry for myself posting this. ) I am not looking for sympathy , or anything. Just needed to get that out there.",1,life seems working great literally everyone else supposed sit around wait better day miracle happen point life 0 meaning relationship friend accomplishment emptiness im tired living tired alone hating everything life wondering god gave life sit miserable year meanwhile everywhere look family couple smile thing wanted never achieve give happier gone ever experienced alive sad part one ever know gone even feel stupid sorry posting looking sympathy anything needed get -"i cant take no more - -a knock comes on my door - -i open it and oh - -farewell, my sweet friend - -/ - -darkness fills the room - -but the flowers will soon bloom - -its coming to an end - -farewell, my sweet friend - -/ - -i dont care anymore - -nor i can take no more - -no way out of this - -farewell, my sweet friend",1,cant take knock come door open oh farewell sweet friend darkness fill room flower soon bloom coming end farewell sweet friend dont care anymore take way farewell sweet friend -"first of all this feeling is killing me. I'm probably not a bad person and I've done bad things and hurt people and now those people have turned their backs on me .My traumas have haunted me, I don't feel alive, the whole world is in against me in my worst moment, I don't want to live anymore, the only thing I can offer is hate, hate and hate, nothing makes me change, I can't anymore, I'm going to die in vain but I can't be alive, this pain goes on beyond something emotional, it is deeper. I can't make someone believe in me, I'll just do it for my pride.",1,first feeling killing probably bad person done bad thing hurt people people turned back trauma haunted feel alive whole world worst moment want live anymore thing offer hate hate hate nothing make change anymore going die vain alive pain go beyond something emotional deeper make someone believe pride -I'm not going to attempt suicide but I may admit myself to a mental hospital because my college classes are actually sending me into hypomanic episodes. What does a college do when you miss a few days or even weeks due to a serious mental health condition? I have all As and if I lose those I will become even more unstable.,1,going attempt suicide may admit mental hospital college class actually sending hypomanic episode college miss day even week due serious mental health condition lose become even unstable -"I want to preface this by stating that I haven't gone to anyone about this, nor have I attempted to get help. Realistically, it's just my mind actively stopping me because in some sick and twisted way, it believes that I'm okay. - -I'm 18 and currently enrolled at Georgia Southern as a freshman. While I have struggled with mild depression in the past, it all really started going downhill when I lost my dog. In June of last year, my dog had to be put down and it was heartbreaking. I had to watch my parents and sister cry while I sat there trying to be ""strong"". I let myself fall into that typical stereotype that men aren't supposed to cry. I regret it. I wish I had shown some emotion then, but it's neither here nor there at this point. What matters is that she had been in my life since I was a kid. I grew up with her and it felt like my world crumbled beneath the weight of her loss. My girlfriend at the time helped me through it a lot and was an enormous amount of help when it came to my happiness at the time. It didn't last however. - -I had reluctantly enrolled into college and honestly felt forced to go. The first two weeks honestly weren't too bad. I enjoyed my time and thought I would get through pretty easy. Then me and my now-ex broke up. This absolutely crushed me. Having my dog put down, being practically forced into college, and now I just got out of the first major relationship I've had, all within the span of 2 months. It was such a slow, but inevitable spiral into the worst depression I would ever face. My ex and I would continue having contact with each other for the rest of that semester. She tried to help me feel better, but I got so much worse. I no longer had a grasp on who I was and was just trying to stitch myself back together again. I never got better. I struggled for the rest of the semester. My grades were awful and my physical health had declined a good bit as well. When Halloween rolled around, I attempted to commit suicide. I took about half a bottle of Melatonin, which was me trying to attempt, but obviously that wouldn't work because it's Melatonin. I was a dumbass who was desperately trying to end it all with anything I could get my hands on. Well, I lived. Then November passed and it was finally December, a month I enjoy because of it's stress-free nature. Around this time, my Ex and I were actually recuperating. We both still had feelings for each other. While we never got back together, December was actually nice and I felt happy for the first time in a while. Then, December ended and the new year came along. I wanted to focus solely on bettering myself and although my Ex and I were starting to somewhat get along again, I wanted to cut off all contact. I wasn't good for her and she wasn't good for me, or that's what I believe to be true. - -From then on, I focused on myself. I tried to be more sociable and tried to express my feelings more often to my friends. It was working, kind of. Towards the end of January, I attempted again. At the time I felt like I had made no progress and I thought I was stuck being a bad person forever. So I used some strong prescription pain killers (don't remember the name). I made it 2 pills in and vomited. Something must've clicked inside me because this was a turning point. The entirety of February was pretty good. I felt happy and I enjoyed so much of life. I talked to my parents about not wanting to do college and the fact that I broke up with my Ex (yes it took me 6 months to tell my parents, I was scared to). They were understanding and said they'd let me live there as long as I had a job. I also explained to them that I wanted to do something else in life then what I previously had said to them. I was majoring in Computer Science because I really wanted to be a programmer, but realized that I didn't actually enjoy it. I had tried to do some coding on the side and I just didn't have fun with it. What I did have fun with though, was Disc Golf. It was something that helped me feel better about myself because I was constantly improving. In particular, I had started to take it seriously around the beginning of January and by the time I talked to my parents I felt really confident and was thinking of going pro in the future. They shut it down because it's rare to succeed in sports and, if anything, it would be up to luck. After that entire conversation about me not being able to be who I wanted, I had signed a lease to live with my sister down near the college since we both go there. I did not have any intentions of going to school for a second year because it was not good for my mental health. I even told my parents that I didn't want to continue college, but they said that I HAVE TO because the rent where my sister and I are going to be living is ""too high to pay without a student loan"". Now I'm here, reluctantly signing up for classes next semester all while feeling I have no purpose in life. My parents won't support my actually dreams and would rather me find some 9-5 that'll at least keep me living paycheck to paycheck. - -So I'm struggling to really know who I am still while slowing piecing myself together in an attempt to better myself. I'm having a shitty time in college due to several things dragging me downwards into depression. My parents won't support me in what I actually want to do and are instead forcing me to do a second year of school. I just don't have the energy or motivation to keep going. Everything is so extremely stressful right now and it's just been all one slow build up. My self image has absolutely plummeted and I'm ashamed to really even go outside anymore because I hate the way I look. I feel like I have absolutely no purpose anymore because of all the mixed messages I'm getting from my family. The only thing I don't have right now that I want, is a way out. I have Ibuprofen that I could overdose with, but I've looked it up and it seems too painful and it probably won't kill me. I have a car that I could crash of course, but I don't want to drag anyone else into this nor do I feel like it's reliable enough of a way out. I could try to drown myself in the lake on campus, but I've already tried drowning myself in 2020 and that didn't pan out well. I just want something simple and effective. I don't have the money unfortunately. I haven't found the courage/motivation to get a job. - -I want this feeling to be gone. I'll still try to work on myself, but as this tightening in my chest gets stronger and stronger each day, I'm not sure I'll make it.",1,want preface stating gone anyone attempted get help realistically mind actively stopping sick twisted way belief okay currently enrolled georgia southern freshman struggled mild depression past really started going downhill lost dog june last year dog put heartbreaking watch parent sister cry sat trying strong let fall typical stereotype men supposed cry regret wish shown emotion neither point matter life since kid grew felt like world crumbled beneath weight loss girlfriend time helped lot enormous amount help came happiness time last however reluctantly enrolled college honestly felt forced go first two week honestly bad enjoyed time thought would get pretty easy ex broke absolutely crushed dog put practically forced college got first major relationship within span month slow inevitable spiral worst depression would ever face ex would continue contact rest semester tried help feel better got much worse longer grasp trying stitch back together never got better struggled rest semester grade awful physical health declined good bit well halloween rolled around attempted commit suicide took half bottle melatonin trying attempt obviously work melatonin dumbass desperately trying end anything could get hand well lived november passed finally december month enjoy stress free nature around time ex actually recuperating still feeling never got back together december actually nice felt happy first time december ended new year came along wanted focus solely bettering although ex starting somewhat get along wanted cut contact good good believe true focused tried sociable tried express feeling often friend working kind towards end january attempted time felt like made progress thought stuck bad person forever used strong prescription pain killer remember name made pill vomited something must clicked inside turning point entirety february pretty good felt happy enjoyed much life talked parent wanting college fact broke ex yes took month tell parent scared understanding said let live long job also explained wanted something else life previously said majoring computer science really wanted programmer realized actually enjoy tried coding side fun fun though disc golf something helped feel better constantly improving particular started take seriously around beginning january time talked parent felt really confident thinking going pro future shut rare succeed sport anything would luck entire conversation able wanted signed lease live sister near college since go intention going school second year good mental health even told parent want continue college said rent sister going living high pay without student loan reluctantly signing class next semester feeling purpose life parent support actually dream would rather find 9 least keep living paycheck paycheck struggling really know still slowing piecing together attempt better shitty time college due several thing dragging downwards depression parent support actually want instead forcing second year school energy motivation keep going everything extremely stressful right one slow build self image absolutely plummeted ashamed really even go outside anymore hate way look feel like absolutely purpose anymore mixed message getting family thing right want way ibuprofen could overdose looked seems painful probably kill car could crash course want drag anyone else feel like reliable enough way could try drown lake campus already tried drowning 0 0 pan well want something simple effective money unfortunately found courage motivation get job want feeling gone still try work tightening chest get stronger stronger day sure make -I just need someone to talk to or distraction and sympathy,1,need someone talk distraction sympathy -"I want to go, but I’m afraid of what’s there after. Idk…religion I guess. I feel pretty pathetic all the time, but I’m thinking like maybe in a few months, sometime this year. I just need clear answers on how and when. The right time I guess. Soon…I just need relief",1,want go afraid idk religion guess feel pretty pathetic time thinking like maybe month sometime year need clear answer right time guess soon need relief -"My story is NOTHING compared to everyone else here...It's such a stupid reason to post, i know, but i still wanted to say it. Please hate on me if you'd like, cause i deserve it. Theres this girl i recenetly met from my college program for 2months so far. Obv with everything being online, I have only met her irl once at school but i have severe social anxiety and always have been an introvert since I was in like middle school so...i couldnt talk to her that day. I actaully even purposly avoided her because I DONT KNOW WHY. We also live far away from each other with the college being 2 hours away for us both, but for each others houses its 4 hours. So this would be a long distance relationship if i ever asked her out which I never will, but its an idea :) Before i met her, i was always sad with my life, not studying, playing games all day, not going outside, eating unhealthy, spending money unwisely, no friends, and also with my parents not caring about me or talking to me at all so i was alone and lonely. I was actaully thinking about killing myself because i was just so done with life and thought there was nothing left to do in life, but literally right after i was thinking about suicide, i met her. After meeting her I have been eating healthy, studying with her, playing games with her, exercised because she told me to, and she is just someone i can always talk to. We basically talk to each other everyday with over 1000 messages and she is really a joy to talk with. Ive never really liked anyone this much in my life, shes just perfect, shes funny, kind, beautiful, thoughtful, trustworthy, sweet, list goes on. I like her TOO much and its now starting to affect the thoughts in my head. Im constantly thinking everyday how im unable to always be beside her, how we will only stay as friends, how we cant ever hang out together like friends normally do, me not being able to say a word in front of her irl, it just makes me so fucking sad. Im such a fciuking loser and i hate it. I hate anxiety, i hate depression, i hate my life. Ive grown too attached to her and I just cant stop having these thoughts in my head...Im also mad ugly so im also insecure about that....Im back to being suicidal but idk yet. - - -Today......we had an in-person lecture that was mandatory and i sat in the corner as i always do, far far away from the people, and she came in and sat right beside me. I shouldve been happy, i should have been gratful that we could be together in that short moment, but my anxiety got the best of me and i ran away from her....Left the class, left the school, and went back home.......When I came home i saw so many messages she has sent me, and i havent replied yet nor have i looked at it. I dont know what to do anymore. Thanks for reading. Let me know how much of a dipshit i am please.",1,story nothing compared everyone else stupid reason post know still wanted say please hate like cause deserve there girl recenetly met college program month far obv everything online met irl school severe social anxiety always introvert since like middle school couldnt talk day actaully even purposly avoided dont know also live far away college hour away u others house hour would long distance relationship ever asked never idea met always sad life studying playing game day going outside eating unhealthy spending money unwisely friend also parent caring talking alone lonely actaully thinking killing done life thought nothing left life literally right thinking suicide met meeting eating healthy studying playing game exercised told someone always talk basically talk everyday 000 message really joy talk ive never really liked anyone much life shes perfect shes funny kind beautiful thoughtful trustworthy sweet list go like much starting affect thought head im constantly thinking everyday im unable always beside stay friend cant ever hang together like friend normally able say word front irl make fucking sad im fciuking loser hate hate anxiety hate depression hate life ive grown attached cant stop thought head im also mad ugly im also insecure im back suicidal idk yet today person lecture mandatory sat corner always far far away people came sat right beside shouldve happy gratful could together short moment anxiety got best ran away left class left school went back home came home saw many message sent havent replied yet looked dont know anymore thanks reading let know much dipshit please -"being trans fucking sucks kayleigh will never pass therapists are ghosting her so there's no help not to mention on top of that having a piece of shit ""father"" and failing school doesn't exactly help -just need to end it so the pain can finally stop but too much of a pussy to do it -fuck everyone who says ""it'll get better"" kayleigh has heard that for the longest time now and not once has it gotten better",1,trans fucking suck kayleigh never pas therapist ghosting help mention top piece shit father failing school exactly help need end pain finally stop much pussy fuck everyone say get better kayleigh heard longest time gotten better -"It hasn't gotten any better. I did it almost 2 years ago and the feeling of trying again has gotten worse. No matter how much I try, it's not good enough. I'm trying to go to school. I'm trying to find a job. I'm trying to shower more and blah blah blah. But no, I'm still too lazy, my hair is too greasy, I smell, I'm a fucking failure. Don't get why they act so much higher than me. You failed that exam, you got fired, you didn't do the school work. - -How the fuck are you going to look at someone who can't afford all the things you have and blame them like it's their fault. No, I can't afford shampoo, no, I can't afford food, no, I can't afford a car or even the fucking lessons. We couldn't wash clothes for a week but I shouldn't smell. Sorry, let me pull out my imaginary washing machine, my imaginary money to buy a car, my imaginary money to buy the games you have, the food you have, the soaps and whatever the fuck else I don't have because I don't have the fucking money. Let's also forget the fact my parents haven't been working properly for almost 4 years and the amount of shit we owe which you don't deal with which is why you have all that shit. They look at me in disgust - -""You should come out more"" ""You're just lazy"". You don't want me there anyway which is why I walk 2 metres behind, don't have proper conversations because you wont talk back or am completely forgotten about when you go out. - -I'm fucking trying. I do my best in exams, I do my best to shower often or to eat often or to get a job you just don't see that I live very different to you. I'm trying my best to not kill myself EVERY FUCKING DAY. The thoughts didn't just disappear when I got out of hospital, you know, the same place you laugh at me for going. The only reason why I don't jump in front of a car when we are together is because I don't want you to see the mess left behind. - -I have a box full of tablets and a bottle of morphine. I'm sure something there will kill me and I'm ok with it.",1,gotten better almost year ago feeling trying gotten worse matter much try good enough trying go school trying find job trying shower blah blah blah still lazy hair greasy smell fucking failure get act much higher failed exam got fired school work fuck going look someone afford thing blame like fault afford shampoo afford food afford car even fucking lesson wash clothes week smell sorry let pull imaginary washing machine imaginary money buy car imaginary money buy game food soap whatever fuck else fucking money let also forget fact parent working properly almost year amount shit owe deal shit look disgust come lazy want anyway walk metre behind proper conversation wont talk back completely forgotten go fucking trying best exam best shower often eat often get job see live different trying best kill every fucking day thought disappear got hospital know place laugh going reason jump front car together want see mess left behind box full tablet bottle morphine sure something kill ok -"I just want the pain to end, I really want to die. My life is not going anywhere, I’ve got no friends, no future etc. I’m just so completely exhausted and sick of it all. I wish I wasn’t so sensitive but I just can’t take this anymore.",1,want pain end really want die life going anywhere got friend future etc completely exhausted sick wish sensitive take anymore -"My therapist and psychiatrist say they can’t fire me if I follow the protocols and that the program will help me work while doing IOP. The IOP program would only be 2-3 hours a day on 3 days a week, so I could still work part of the time. Could my job fire me for doing IOP? Worst case scenario I would be able to bounce back, but it would be difficult.",1,therapist psychiatrist say fire follow protocol program help work iop iop program would hour day day week could still work part time could job fire iop worst case scenario would able bounce back would difficult -"i just got done with my psychiatrist appointment. i don’t feel good about it. medication dosage got increased again. that’s all my life is. medication, therapy, trying to make things work and get better but it never happens. i feel numb. i don’t feel anything at all right now. the pain is so overwhelming i just can’t feel anything. i’m one day away from being three weeks clean. it doesn’t matter. i really feel like i’m going to kill myself today. i don’t have enough medication to do it here and i need another method. i know nobody cares. not really. at the end of the day nobody cares. i’m tired of being alone. i’m sure it’s my own fault somehow. everything’s always my own fault. i’m tired. i don’t want to sleep. i want to die.",1,got done psychiatrist appointment feel good medication dosage got increased life medication therapy trying make thing work get better never happens feel numb feel anything right pain overwhelming feel anything one day away three week clean matter really feel like going kill today enough medication need another method know nobody care really end day nobody care tired alone sure fault somehow everything always fault tired want sleep want die -I feel so lost and out of control with my emotions. I don’t know what to do with my free time. Nothing seems to bring me joy. I keep thinking of ways to end it all without impacting my family and children. But who will find me? I don’t want to traumatize someone. I fight with my wife all the time. I don’t feel wanted or loved.,1,feel lost control emotion know free time nothing seems bring joy keep thinking way end without impacting family child find want traumatize someone fight wife time feel wanted loved -"My best friend and I recently started hooking up, and last night when we got back extremely drunk from a club I twice attempted to make a move on her which made her really uncomfortable. I didn't remember the event and she told me this morning, my friendship is ruined and I don't know what to do now. I would never intentionally make her feel uncomfortable, and I hate myself for what happened. I don't want or think I can get any redemption, and I want to end it.",1,best friend recently started hooking last night got back extremely drunk club twice attempted make move made really uncomfortable remember event told morning friendship ruined know would never intentionally make feel uncomfortable hate happened want think get redemption want end -It's that bad.,1,bad -Its too much for me to ask one person in the world to like me,1,much ask one person world like -This is it.,1, -"Feel like there’s just too many problems to address at this point. Everyday I try to hold out in hopes of something somehow getting better, but it somehow feels like I’m never at the bottom of the hill. At this point I’m only alive so that some people don’t feel sad or guilty, but honestly I’m getting to a point where I don’t really give a shit. If I’m dead I won’t have to experience or see the pain that they will ultimately feel from the death, so who gives a shit.",1,feel like many problem address point everyday try hold hope something somehow getting better somehow feel like never bottom hill point alive people feel sad guilty honestly getting point really give shit dead experience see pain ultimately feel death give shit -"When i (female) was a very young kid i was exposed to unrestricted internet access. I watched a lot of porn, and i recently remembered at times i would watch bestiality and animals mating. I was young and didnt know what i was watching, i didnt know what the feelings i was having were. I remember once i tried to get my dog to lick me when i was 11. It didnt happen because thank god i realized how weird it was and stopped before anything happened. -Im 17 now and not attracted to animals at all. Im scared that maybe i was when i was young, but i wonder maybe i wasnt attracted to them just curious to sex of all kinds because i wasnt aware of it at the time? -Im experiencing suicidal thoughts and so worried i should kill myself. Do you think i should kill myself? Am I overreacting? Im desperate for advice and reassurance, but if i dont deserve reassurance go ahead and tell me how disgusting a human i am.",1,female young kid exposed unrestricted internet access watched lot porn recently remembered time would watch bestiality animal mating young didnt know watching didnt know feeling remember tried get dog lick didnt happen thank god realized weird stopped anything happened im attracted animal im scared maybe young wonder maybe wasnt attracted curious sex kind wasnt aware time im experiencing suicidal thought worried kill think kill overreacting im desperate advice reassurance dont deserve reassurance go ahead tell disgusting human -"I don't understand, I read it would be lethal to take this much at once but I feel perfectly fine, I know I'm just going to get a bunch of people telling me to go to a hospital but what's up with this? Shouldn't I be dead?",1,understand read would lethal take much feel perfectly fine know going get bunch people telling go hospital dead -"My dad killed himself and it left me with a feeling like I want to kill everyone in my family who's moved on since then. - -I'm his only child. My brother is now a stranger to me. My mother is my father's killer. I am his only survivor. I want to kill myself.",1,dad killed left feeling like want kill everyone family moved since child brother stranger mother father killer survivor want kill -"I’d love to just to die, i dont have friends or family members that care about me haha. No one will be sad when im gone, which is good honestly. But like I mentioned, the possibility of religion being real scares me and its the only reason thats stopping me from ending it. One day i wont care and I’ll do it, but its not today sadly",1,love die dont friend family member care haha one sad im gone good honestly like mentioned possibility religion real scare reason thats stopping ending one day wont care today sadly -"your life your rules, but why can't I finally make myself rest. It's selfish, but isn't making someone stay just for you to not feel bad also is. they'll stop you, but will only make you feel alone after a few weeks or so. shouldn't we all ultimately live for ourselves? why is suicide such a bad thing? is it just because it's deemed morally wrong? all of this has probably been said a couple times, I'm sorry. it's funny how the only thing that keeps me going is that one musical group and my other hobbies. is this really it?",1,life rule finally make rest selfish making someone stay feel bad also stop make feel alone week ultimately live suicide bad thing deemed morally wrong probably said couple time sorry funny thing keep going one musical group hobby really -"things are not going to get better -so why cant i just find the courage to die - -cant even cut cause school just found out and took all my blades",1,thing going get better cant find courage die cant even cut cause school found took blade -"I wake up feeling guilty everyday. I truly do feel like people would be happier without me. Of course I know that’s not true, but the feeling eats away at my soul everyday. All I can constantly think about is the money that’s has been spent on me. I feel sick looking at myself in the mirror. I don’t feel worthy for myself. I don’t feel worthy for others either. I just want to be enough. I just want to feel normal. Doing the simplest thing like breathing fills me with dread and worry when I’m around others. I’ve never had a super close friend. Though I never really got out as a kid. I never really felt understood. I find it hard to believe that one day I will feel comfortable with myself because this feeling has plagued me ever since I was a child. I look forward to when I sleep because that’s when I’m not limited and I feel free. The thought of dying painlessly and giving into the void is what soothes me when I’m stressed or sad. I want to keep going but it’s been so long of me being useless I don’t know how to catch up. I feel so much dread in simply existing.",1,wake feeling guilty everyday truly feel like people would happier without course know true feeling eats away soul everyday constantly think money spent feel sick looking mirror feel worthy feel worthy others either want enough want feel normal simplest thing like breathing fill dread worry around others never super close friend though never really got kid never really felt understood find hard believe one day feel comfortable feeling plagued ever since child look forward sleep limited feel free thought dying painlessly giving void soothes stressed sad want keep going long useless know catch feel much dread simply existing -"Title. - -Every day is a struggle. Gym helps a bit but it's temporary. - -I can't take this life anymore for long...",1,title every day struggle gym help bit temporary take life anymore long -"I got into fasting couple of years ago and trained myself to go long without food (I did 2.5 months of just coffee and water last year, im not joking) -I didnt die because i was very overweight. -I lost a lot of weight and gained some back doe to depression eating. - - -This time iam going to push myself till I collapse. I know i can. -Dont ask me why. Its unfixable. - -Thats about it. Hope that yall are better",1,got fasting couple year ago trained go long without food month coffee water last year im joking didnt die overweight lost lot weight gained back doe depression eating time iam going push till collapse know dont ask unfixable thats hope yall better -,1,nan -"Hey guys. Today I opened up to my boyfriend for the first time in a while about all the mental turmoil I’ve been going through. A part of me wants to cut it off. I love him dearly, but I just feel like I’ll be a burden to him for the rest of my life if I stay. Is it selfish to leave, or selfish to stay? If I knew he’d be fine, if I knew he’d make it and be happy with someone else one day, I would leave. I would spend all the money I have chasing fleeting happiness until I’m ready to go. I wish I could erase the memory from his head so he can just know peace.",1,hey guy today opened boyfriend first time mental turmoil going part want cut love dearly feel like burden rest life stay selfish leave selfish stay knew fine knew make happy someone else one day would leave would spend money chasing fleeting happiness ready go wish could erase memory head know peace -Commit suicide or selfharm,1,commit suicide selfharm -"tagged nsfw; tw mention of suicidal ideation and suicide attempts - -the idea of suicide is comforting. it is all that i’ve known. the idea of ending the constant misery i feel is weirdly enough the only thing stopping me from doing it (besides a select number of friends), as it truly is comfortable to me to be sitting in the cesspool of apathy and hatred for myself i feel every day. - -usually when i’m depressed i feel the apathy and it slowly just turns to numbness, but something is different this time around. do you ever feel almost the thrill of suicide? or, rather, do you ever almost feel excitement when you’re done grieving what your life could/ would have been? lately, i’ve felt at peace over my self-grieving and i do not like that, as i have been desperately trying to stay afloat and the tiny push i would usually give myself to ground myself is gone. i’ve only ever felt this rush when i attempted and the aftermath destroys me every single time. this feeling is almost like some time of euphoric high that i cant stop chasing. i hate my life and i hate feeling like this, but aren’t some people meant to be dished the worst cards to balance out nature?",1,tagged nsfw tw mention suicidal ideation suicide attempt idea suicide comforting known idea ending constant misery feel weirdly enough thing stopping besides select number friend truly comfortable sitting cesspool apathy hatred feel every day usually depressed feel apathy slowly turn numbness something different time around ever feel almost thrill suicide rather ever almost feel excitement done grieving life could would lately felt peace self grieving like desperately trying stay afloat tiny push would usually give ground gone ever felt rush attempted aftermath destroys every single time feeling almost like time euphoric high cant stop chasing hate life hate feeling like people meant dished worst card balance nature -"This is pointless, this is all pointless. Living, loving, everything. Theres only one thing, one person, I want more than death and I can't have him. Nobody wants me around so whats the point of wasting my time suffering for no reason when all I do is waste air and peoples times as I force them to hang out with me. Nobody actually seeks to hang out with me, it's always me being lonely and wanting to hang out and them not having any excuse to say no. They are indifferent if I leave or not. Indifferent if I die or not. Maybe I'd get a pity ""aww"" like if a friends family member died. You don't know them, you just say aww out of sympathy. Sometimes I want sympathy. I want someone to pretend for just a moment that they want me and they want to hug me and truly mean it. People think I'm always just saying depressing things to fish for sympathy and hell, what if I am? Maybe I need it. Maybe I need someone to actually care, even for just a second about how shitty my life is. My mind constantly goes in circles, awful stupid terrible circles of hatred. I hate myself, I hate the people around me, I hate life. I cut the people around me out of my life for their sakes and mine and all it does it make me hate myself and them even more. Im so desperate I can hardly stop myself from crawling back to them even though it only hurts me more. I don't know how to solve this, suicide is so painful and I'm a pussy so there aren't many options. I don't think I can stand to make it 2 more years to be 18 to buy a gun. There HAS to be something I can do in the mean time. Anyone with ideas lmk <33",1,pointless pointless living loving everything there one thing one person want death nobody want around whats point wasting time suffering reason waste air people time force hang nobody actually seek hang always lonely wanting hang excuse say indifferent leave indifferent die maybe get pity aww like friend family member died know say aww sympathy sometimes want sympathy want someone pretend moment want want hug truly mean people think always saying depressing thing fish sympathy hell maybe need maybe need someone actually care even second shitty life mind constantly go circle awful stupid terrible circle hatred hate hate people around hate life cut people around life sake mine make hate even im desperate hardly stop crawling back even though hurt know solve suicide painful pussy many option think stand make year buy gun something mean time anyone idea lmk lt -"This decision is final, hopefully I don’t get forced to take my anti-depressants, they make me sleepy which completely removes my motive to get up and start sawing, thanks for reading I guess.",1,decision final hopefully get forced take anti depressant make sleepy completely remove motive get start sawing thanks reading guess -"I'm not interested in life. Theres things I'd like to do but I have no money to experience them. I dont have friends or any girls to share a relationship with. Life is bland -I have a job interview tomorrow. I'll probably get it. Now I'll have to show up and sell 10hrs of my life doing something I could care less about for some money. I hate everything. It's not enjoyable. Pandemic ruined everything. A girl I started really liking doesn't want to see me anymore because I'm not vaxed.. that one definitely hurt a bit she went cold on me. Please skip the anti/pro vax debate I'm over it & I'm not anti. - -I dont like leaving the house or dealing with people I dont see any point in this thing called life. It just drains me and I'd like it to end. Its simply exhausting & I get 0 enjoyment from it. It feels like a sadistic game. I just want it to end. I wont hurt myself I dont think I will. I dont know if I'm depressed. I either feel nothing or anger - I envy people who are blissfully happy enjoying life. I'd give anything to have that. - -I dont need everything to be great but I'd at least like to not hate day to day life. I dont have much left in me anymore. I dont see the point in continuing. Playing this dumb game of collecting money for things. And meaningless relationships. I want to be nothing",1,interested life there thing like money experience dont friend girl share relationship life bland job interview tomorrow probably get show sell 0hrs life something could care le money hate everything enjoyable pandemic ruined everything girl started really liking want see anymore vaxed one definitely hurt bit went cold please skip anti pro vax debate amp anti dont like leaving house dealing people dont see point thing called life drain like end simply exhausting amp get 0 enjoyment feel like sadistic game want end wont hurt dont think dont know depressed either feel nothing anger envy people blissfully happy enjoying life give anything dont need everything great least like hate day day life dont much left anymore dont see point continuing playing dumb game collecting money thing meaningless relationship want nothing -"Lets say I’m on probation, and lets say I have a few traffic citations. Lets also say that I could very well be put in prison for not paying those citations, but let include that I don’t have any money. What would happen to those citations, and the probation if I were to end it? I’ve been miserable for years, every thing that happens to me is literally just the worst shit you could think of. I’m exceedingly mentally ill with a disorder that has with no cure and can’t be treated with medication. I don’t want to do this anymore, so what will happen to all of those costs?",1,let say probation let say traffic citation let also say could well put prison paying citation let include money would happen citation probation end miserable year every thing happens literally worst shit could think exceedingly mentally ill disorder cure treated medication want anymore happen cost -"i think everybody on the internet forgets that the people they talk to online are actual people behind the screen. people with real lives with friends and family and their own personal issues. i know it’s hard to remember that sometimes especially when everybody just publicly posts when they are at their best and doesn’t want to share any of the negative or boring parts of their lives. but everybody here is a real person. - -People on the internet have a startling lack of empathy. never even a little bit taking into consider anyone else’s feelings or experiences. people just say awful things and are surprised when others retaliate. people these days especially younger teens are so terrible at understanding that other people may have lives apart from what they are willing to show online and i think that is going to have devastating consequences on them as they get older.",1,think everybody internet forgets people talk online actual people behind screen people real life friend family personal issue know hard remember sometimes especially everybody publicly post best want share negative boring part life everybody real person people internet startling lack empathy never even little bit taking consider anyone else feeling experience people say awful thing surprised others retaliate people day especially younger teen terrible understanding people may life apart willing show online think going devastating consequence get older -Anybody 20 years old and up in south Florida that wants to talk?,1,anybody 0 year old south florida want talk -"Everyone says “talk to us we’re here” but when I tell them I want to order off of Uber Eats and leave my door open so when the delivery guy comes he’ll find me hanging and that way my family and friends won’t have to find my rotting corpse days later they’re like WHAT THE FUCK? - -I don’t know if I’ll do it but I feel like buying a rope, practice tying a noose and planning it out. I don’t know if it’s dangerous to do this because I’ll finally have everything I need to actually kill myself or maybe doing it will actually make me chicken out and want to stay around a little bit longer. - -Also, I don’t want to leave my family saddled with my death so I sometimes think about crashing my car on the highway so it looks like an accident and my insurance pays them out. - -I want to be able to tell people that this is what I’m thinking but when I even begin to let them in it’s terrifying for them. They want to tell my best friend or my mom or my doctor but nobody is actually there to just listen and not react. So I’m stuck with these thoughts on my own.",1,everyone say talk u tell want order uber eats leave door open delivery guy come find hanging way family friend find rotting corpse day later like fuck know feel like buying rope practice tying noose planning know dangerous finally everything need actually kill maybe actually make chicken want stay around little bit longer also want leave family saddled death sometimes think crashing car highway look like accident insurance pay want able tell people thinking even begin let terrifying want tell best friend mom doctor nobody actually listen react stuck thought -"I’ve been really struggling with suicidal thoughts these past few weeks. Currently, I am in a situation where I do not have access to any professional help/therapy. -I’ve isolated myself during this time as well. So, I’ve not talked to my friends recently. - -Honestly, I don’t know what to do. I’ve been thinking about talking to a friend about this but I don’t want to be a burden or trauma dump.",1,really struggling suicidal thought past week currently situation access professional help therapy isolated time well talked friend recently honestly know thinking talking friend want burden trauma dump -I can barely live with me. I am all the time closed in my mind. I cannot describe it better. I cannot focus on anything. I cannot sustain a conversation. I get very overwhelmed by everything. If I do very little house cleaning I get very overwhelmed. I feel lonely in my life. Nobody understands me. Neither my wife nor my parents or brother or grandparents. I might be on the autistic spectrum. I am so done with my life. So done. I cannot continue like this anymore. I have to die. I live on my wife's incoming. I so want to die.,1,barely live time closed mind describe better focus anything sustain conversation get overwhelmed everything little house cleaning get overwhelmed feel lonely life nobody understands neither wife parent brother grandparent might autistic spectrum done life done continue like anymore die live wife incoming want die -"Every little thing I do, every step I take I regret it after. I think too much about how what I do will affect others to the point where I just want to fade away and not exist. I can't get over my failures. As long as I have a constant reminder of them it's impossible and I can't bear it anymore. I wish things didn't happen like this. I wish things didn't continue like this. I just want things to improve but there's no sign, nothing. I feel so done.",1,every little thing every step take regret think much affect others point want fade away exist get failure long constant reminder impossible bear anymore wish thing happen like wish thing continue like want thing improve sign nothing feel done -"I am falling. And no one is there to catch me. The one that says they will be and cares can’t be bothered to even listen to me fully anymore. I have outworn my welcome here. I don’t want to deal with this pain or the voices in my head telling me I will never be enough. I want to end it so badly, but I can’t bc I have 2 important obligations that need me and it would destroy if I left. And I love them, but god I am so tired of being in this pain.",1,falling one catch one say care bothered even listen fully anymore outworn welcome want deal pain voice head telling never enough want end badly bc important obligation need would destroy left love god tired pain -,1,nan -im a faliure i have no friends i have shit grades i dont find anything interesting i just wanna die i dont know what to do,1,im faliure friend shit grade dont find anything interesting wan na die dont know -God I feel so constantly out of place. I feel like I’m always being bothered and anxious. I hate it. I just want to be alone. I would give anything if I could do online again. I just feel so anxious and sad at school. Even with my own friends. I just Would give Anything if I could be by myself. I hate it so bad. It’s so cold and desolate.,1,god feel constantly place feel like always bothered anxious hate want alone would give anything could online feel anxious sad school even friend would give anything could hate bad cold desolate -I've the same feeling now of sickness when I was doing my attempt to suicide 8 years ago or about that time. I feel sick physically I'm sick. I failied in life i failed in every decision i've made i failed in loving my ex i failied loving my family i failed being a good friend i failed being obedient i failed i failed.,1,feeling sickness attempt suicide year ago time feel sick physically sick failied life failed every decision made failed loving ex failied loving family failed good friend failed obedient failed failed -"Hello family, I’m here to just talk a little about how I feel and plans for my “future”. Recently a new gun law was passed in Ohio (where I live), I no longer have to be 21 to buy a handgun, I don’t need a ccw, nor can they do a background check. It goes into affect in 77 days. The age is the only thing that used to restrict me from buying but soon enough that will change. I’m so tired of feeling to way I do. My sons mom makes everything so difficult, to the point where it would just be easier on everyone if I was gone and leave my son with a “could be, would be” dad and save him from seeing how I actually am. Sometimes I get excited to be able to watch my son grow up. But then I remember how much of a brick wall the mother is going to be, and then I’m right back down the spiral I never got out of in the first place. She has absolutely no regard to my feelings. I’m just tired of the hurt, tired of being deceived, and tired of being tired. I want it to end and the only end in sight I see is the fire arm. And before anyone says it, no the mother is not the cause of all my problems nor was she the beginning of it all. I’ve felt this way since 7th grade (I’m now 20 & graduated in 2020) and has been getting worse ever since. I’ve tried medicine, never felt a difference. I’ve tried drugs but in the end they just make me feel worse. I want to be there for my son but I can’t with her. I’m pretty self aware and understand that some of the things I say are selfish in the eyes of some but it’s just how I feel and I have NO ONE to talk to so here I am. I really appreciate anyone who takes 3 minutes out of their day to read my message.",1,hello family talk little feel plan future recently new gun law passed ohio live longer buy handgun need ccw background check go affect day age thing used restrict buying soon enough change tired feeling way son mom make everything difficult point would easier everyone gone leave son could would dad save seeing actually sometimes get excited able watch son grow remember much brick wall mother going right back spiral never got first place absolutely regard feeling tired hurt tired deceived tired tired want end end sight see fire arm anyone say mother cause problem beginning felt way since th grade 0 amp graduated 0 0 getting worse ever since tried medicine never felt difference tried drug end make feel worse want son pretty self aware understand thing say selfish eye feel one talk really appreciate anyone take minute day read message -,1,nan -It’s been 2 years since I’ve any kind of intimate relationship. I’ve tried over and over and over to get a girl of any kind and it always ends the same they leave me on read or open within two days and honestly I’m just a huge loser and I’m ready to crash my car and die so if anyone would like to know why I did it there it is I’m a fucking failure,1,year since kind intimate relationship tried get girl kind always end leave read open within two day honestly huge loser ready crash car die anyone would like know fucking failure -"I’m a frequent poster here. I’ve struggled all my life with these feelings. Things seemed like they were getting better, I was genuinely happy…and then it got taken away again. - -I live in shitty section 8 housing. I was kicked out several years ago and I’ve been struggling to stay afloat since. My mother and i recently discussed me moving back home, which was less than ideal… - -She bought a condo, and offered it to me, she even suggested I get a roommate. I was overjoyed. My SO could move in, my best friend could move it, it seemed wonderful. And then, once I already signed the papers to move out in two months, my mother told me to stop looking for a roommate. She has been considering moving into the larger bedroom and taking my kid sister with her, leaving me alone in the smaller bedroom with no support. And I have no place to argue against this. - -She bought me a new car as an early birthday gift, she’s paying for me to go through school. I’m currently struggling to keep my grades up, and she’s rightfully angry about it. My apartment is messy, and she’s mad about that too. Rightfully so. - -I am going to lose my privacy and be stuck in the tiny condo with her, without support from my SO and my best friends. My mother is very controlling, so I know I won’t be able to play video games or talk to my friends in peace. It’ll just be lecturing; do your homework, look for a better job, etc etc. - -I don’t have the motivation for either. I barely have motivation to go to my current job. She doesn’t get that. I’m so incredibly depressed and suicidal every single fucking day. I just got rejected for a better job. And now on top of all that, I’ll be stuck in a confined space with her, with no freedom again. And I’ll probably become babysitter again for the child I pretty much raised for her. - -It’s not fair.",1,frequent poster struggled life feeling thing seemed like getting better genuinely happy got taken away live shitty section housing kicked several year ago struggling stay afloat since mother recently discussed moving back home le ideal bought condo offered even suggested get roommate overjoyed could move best friend could move seemed wonderful already signed paper move two month mother told stop looking roommate considering moving larger bedroom taking kid sister leaving alone smaller bedroom support place argue bought new car early birthday gift paying go school currently struggling keep grade rightfully angry apartment messy mad rightfully going lose privacy stuck tiny condo without support best friend mother controlling know able play video game talk friend peace lecturing homework look better job etc etc motivation either barely motivation go current job get incredibly depressed suicidal every single fucking day got rejected better job top stuck confined space freedom probably become babysitter child pretty much raised fair -"my chest feels so heavy and tight im having trouble breathing, im nauseous and my head hurts so much ",1,chest feel heavy tight im trouble breathing im nauseous head hurt much -"I (F26) am really at a loss right now and don’t want to talk to anyone I actually know about it. I failed at college, left my good job for my toxic ex husband, divorced, in a new relationship that is turning out to be toxic as well, making 1/3 salary I used to, renting a house I can no longer afford… I don’t know how I will ever get myself out of the situations I’ve dug myself into at this point. I’ve distanced myself from the few people I was actually close with.. The only reason I haven’t killed myself yet is because it would destroy my mom and probably put my brother back into active addiction after 4 years sober… I don’t have insurance to afford therapy. I guess I’m just venting and trying to make up my mind of what to do, if anything.",1,f really loss right want talk anyone actually know failed college left good job toxic ex husband divorced new relationship turning toxic well making salary used renting house longer afford know ever get situation dug point distanced people actually close reason killed yet would destroy mom probably put brother back active addiction year sober insurance afford therapy guess venting trying make mind anything -A girl I absolutely love left me and doesnt want me to be apart of her life at all anymore due to too many arguments in the relationship. She lost her trust in me but I cant seem to get all the memories of us out of my head. I love her and it hasnt gotten any easier. I just dont know if I can handle the pain much longer,1,girl absolutely love left doesnt want apart life anymore due many argument relationship lost trust cant seem get memory u head love hasnt gotten easier dont know handle pain much longer -Plz,1,plz -I tried to OD on Tylenol and took like 20 pills ended up tripping balls then throwing up and being miserable for the rest of the night. Now I have some sort of phobia in which I cannot even think about taking pills without getting extremely nauseous. Anyone know how to overcome this new fear? Is there a better subreddit to ask this question?,1,tried od tylenol took like 0 pill ended tripping ball throwing miserable rest night sort phobia even think taking pill without getting extremely nauseous anyone know overcome new fear better subreddit ask question -"I hope everyone has a wonderful life , you all deserve good things . -I'm too tired",1,hope everyone wonderful life deserve good thing tired -"Idk, I guess this is a vent or something but whatever. -Lately, everything has been okay. Like daily wise. School is okay I guess. Just wish every math lesson didn’t either leave me with a headache or panic attack. Slamming doors and yelling just remind me of my childhood and always sends me into a panic attack. Today I had two in different classes. I’m hard of hearing and I have hearing aids. I wish that i could turn them off or take them out whilst the yelling and shit was happening but I’m always in that state of freeze and panic. I’m the new kid, no one seems to notice it which is fine. Home is okay. There is just court and custody shit going on since my mother and father can’t make one agreement. Now me and my brother have to go to court and get like attornies or some shit like that to settle it down. I don’t know. I’m exhausted. I don’t feel like living rn. I feel like everyone hates me and is drifting away and I can’t handle that. I’m clean of self harm. Though I’m probably gonna break that after this post. I’ve been thinking a lot about offing myself. I’m so tired. I don’t wanna live anymore. I can’t live anymore to be honest. I’m just struggling so much. Fuck I can’t even make it a full week of school. I got sexually assaulted by my cousin on the weekend and I feel like it’s my fault. I just really need an escape but even getting high can’t block out all the shit that goes on in my head. I don’t wanna fail like last time I tried offing myself. Just too many questions and everything. What am I meant to do? I do see a therapist and everything but I feel like it doesn’t help. I don’t wanna be alive anymore. I really don’t.",1,idk guess vent something whatever lately everything okay like daily wise school okay guess wish every math lesson either leave headache panic attack slamming door yelling remind childhood always sends panic attack today two different class hard hearing hearing aid wish could turn take whilst yelling shit happening always state freeze panic new kid one seems notice fine home okay court custody shit going since mother father make one agreement brother go court get like attornies shit like settle know exhausted feel like living rn feel like everyone hate drifting away handle clean self harm though probably gon na break post thinking lot offing tired wan na live anymore live anymore honest struggling much fuck even make full week school got sexually assaulted cousin weekend feel like fault really need escape even getting high block shit go head wan na fail like last time tried offing many question everything meant see therapist everything feel like help wan na alive anymore really -I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 1 year and it’s because of something awful i did but I don’t know what to do anymore because I’ve lost all my friends and everyone close to me found out about me and now i have no one I don’t know what to do and I can’t take it anymore,1,recently broke boyfriend year something awful know anymore lost friend everyone close found one know take anymore -I'm never enough. Why do people always leave. Why do i always scare them away. I can't anymore. I want everyone to be happy but i cant do it. Im not enough for them. I wish i can make a difference. I feel so alone right now. I want to disappear.,1,never enough people always leave always scare away anymore want everyone happy cant im enough wish make difference feel alone right want disappear -"I feel like i have no redeeming qualities. deficient in everything. no determination, strength, ambition, intelligence, virtue..im not even beautiful. im ugly as shit, and my personality is even uglier. i just isolate myself now, i can't even be bothered to try making new relationships anymore. i ruin all of them, with my horrible personality, i dont even have to try. ive sorta accepted that ill probably die alone. it doesnt bother me as much, now..but the fact that ill have to live with this ugly face, body and mind makes me physically ill.. i just feel so fucking useless. like the side character whod get killed off in the first two episodes, haha. im literally such a goddamn loser its almost funny 💀",1,feel like redeeming quality deficient everything determination strength ambition intelligence virtue im even beautiful im ugly shit personality even uglier isolate even bothered try making new relationship anymore ruin horrible personality dont even try ive sorta accepted ill probably die alone doesnt bother much fact ill live ugly face body mind make physically ill feel fucking useless like side character whod get killed first two episode haha im literally goddamn loser almost funny -"idk man i just really like pools and cleaning products - -i also love strong menthol cough drops and vics vapor rub idk if its as harmful tho - -is this not a good thing should i tell someone",1,idk man really like pool cleaning product also love strong menthol cough drop vics vapor rub idk harmful tho good thing tell someone -,1,nan -"all i want is to be loved, no, i need to be loved. i only ever end up in abusive relationships. im an object. i am always used. the people i’ve loved more than anything have hurt me more than anything. i just want to be loved but i will only ever be abused",1,want loved need loved ever end abusive relationship im object always used people loved anything hurt anything want loved ever abused -"My depression has gotten much worse lately, but I haven’t told anyone how bad it is. Not even my wife, because she’s still grieving her mom who passed away last month and I don’t want to add to her troubles. I’ve been having suicidal thoughts again, but so far no intent to actually end my life. However I have relapsed into self harm again, and I think it’s worse than it has been before. Like, I can’t end myself because my wife and kids need me, and I’m now the only income earner in the house so I need to provide for my family, so I’m doing the next best thing and hurting myself. - -Thus why I’m hesitant to tell my therapist how bad it’s gotten. I’d voluntarily committed myself a couple years ago when I was suicidal and told my wife, so I know how that goes. But I know there is a risk that if my therapist thinks is dire enough, I can be involuntarily committed. And I can’t afford to miss any work right now. I don’t know what to do. I know I don’t have a lot of time to decide because my next therapist appointment is in a few hours.",1,depression gotten much worse lately told anyone bad even wife still grieving mom passed away last month want add trouble suicidal thought far intent actually end life however relapsed self harm think worse like end wife kid need income earner house need provide family next best thing hurting thus hesitant tell therapist bad gotten voluntarily committed couple year ago suicidal told wife know go know risk therapist think dire enough involuntarily committed afford miss work right know know lot time decide next therapist appointment hour -"Sometimes I feel like living and dreaming but most of the times I just want to sleep and never wake up. I can't decide if I should die or live. Nothing is joyful anymore. Nothing makes me happy and I don't love anyone rnough to live for them. -Just in case. What's a painless and quick way to go?",1,sometimes feel like living dreaming time want sleep never wake decide die live nothing joyful anymore nothing make happy love anyone rnough live case painless quick way go -Going home makes me want to kill myself,1,going home make want kill -"I just bought 80 paracetamol, a 350ml bottle of vodka and some Coke to balance it out. I love my mom. I feel like shit, this happened like 2020-2021 but my crush at uni played me, flirted and cuddled with me for two days only to fuck another girl right in front of my eyes and after chasing him and being rejected I got bullied by our friendship group. Everyone cut me out and stopped talking to me. He fell in love with me after I told him something private and made a playlist with songs about me on his phone and I fell into a psychotic episode right in front of him. I believed I could use telepathy to communicate with him. I was fully convinced he was on heroin and took heroin for me because I’d hear other thoughts inside of my own head. I’ve never loved anyone the way that I loved him and he’s verbally told me to fuck off and that he doesn't want anything to do with me. It kills me to know I’ll never be with him when I could have. University was my last opportunity and the psychotic episode I had led to me fucking it all up, I ended up dropping out and spent 4 months in the psych ward and nothing will ever feel the same again. I’ll never have children or get married because I have Asperger’s so I fake my way through any and all conversation. I lie and hide and smile but I don’t have anything to say. I just wanted to tell at least one person this, I’m going to kill myself and this is the end. - -Edit: I’ve taken half of the pills and I’m not that drunk so I want to keep going. - -Edit: Had 58 pills with coke and vodka before I felt like I needed to puke (dry heaving) and threw away the bottle and pills.",1,bought 0 paracetamol 0ml bottle vodka coke balance love mom feel like shit happened like 0 0 0 crush uni played flirted cuddled two day fuck another girl right front eye chasing rejected got bullied friendship group everyone cut stopped talking fell love told something private made playlist song phone fell psychotic episode right front believed could use telepathy communicate fully convinced heroin took heroin hear thought inside head never loved anyone way loved verbally told fuck want anything kill know never could university last opportunity psychotic episode led fucking ended dropping spent month psych ward nothing ever feel never child get married asperger fake way conversation lie hide smile anything say wanted tell least one person going kill end edit taken half pill drunk want keep going edit pill coke vodka felt like needed puke dry heaving threw away bottle pill -"Hey everyone! It’s me, ifiwasanotaku. Sorry that I ended up deleting it all last time. But I gave it all some time. And I don’t think I can sustain this life anymore. - -As I planned before I will be dying on 24th April. But I just wanted to reach out to everyone who reached back to me that night and asked me to think some more. I will always appreciate you all and all you did. - -I’m ugly and unlovable and I don’t deserve this all. I hope you’ll forgive me for making your efforts go to waste. - -Thank you again for everything.",1,hey everyone ifiwasanotaku sorry ended deleting last time gave time think sustain life anymore planned dying th april wanted reach everyone reached back night asked think always appreciate ugly unlovable deserve hope forgive making effort go waste thank everything -"Already been on ssri's and they didn't do anything. I don't desire companionship or want relationships, just want to kill the desire entirely.",1,already ssri anything desire companionship want relationship want kill desire entirely -,1,nan -"i have been told by several people (including my brother) to kill myself recently. it really just seems like everyone wants me dead. i've been thinking and i know how i could do it, the only thing keeping me alive is my dog. but when he dies, i die. i cant deal with the bullying and toxicity anymore",1,told several people including brother kill recently really seems like everyone want dead thinking know could thing keeping alive dog dy die cant deal bullying toxicity anymore -i just think about dying almost every god damn minute and its so annoying,1,think dying almost every god damn minute annoying -Everyday I want to KMS but can’t. I’ve even stood on the edge of a building ready to jump but don’t. How can I summon the courage to actually go through with it. I hate living. I hate the idea of having to do a 9-5 until I’m 60 or 70 and have 10-20 years of limited freedom. My ex broke up with me. She says she doesn’t have the energy to hang out with me anymore. I have nothing to live for. How do I just go through with it and take that dirt nap. I’m sure none of you can give advice on how to actually go through with it but idk maybe I just need to vent. Maybe I’m hoping someone will give me advice. I don’t know what I’m doing with this post.,1,everyday want km even stood edge building ready jump summon courage actually go hate living hate idea 9 0 0 0 0 year limited freedom ex broke say energy hang anymore nothing live go take dirt nap sure none give advice actually go idk maybe need vent maybe hoping someone give advice know post -I constantly have negative suicidal thoughts and i need it to stop,1,constantly negative suicidal thought need stop -"So last year I made two attempts one after the other, and I've been going to the psychiatrist and psychologist ever since, thank goodness I'm feeling a little bit better, but everytime I get sick and take medicines my stomach acts up and I get diarrhea, I don't know if this is the right place to ask but if anybody is a doctor could I ask you if this are psychological sequels or body sequels, since my method both times was through overdosing a bunch of pills.",1,last year made two attempt one going psychiatrist psychologist ever since thank goodness feeling little bit better everytime get sick take medicine stomach act get diarrhea know right place ask anybody doctor could ask psychological sequel body sequel since method time overdosing bunch pill -"I'm not sure if this is the right subreddit to go to but I don't know where else to go. My spouse has struggled with severe depression his whole life. It is genetic, his dad was the same. Any amount of pressure makes him worse. He constantly feels as though life is not worth living and he's a lost cause, he will never feel okay and just wants the pain to go away. We have a baby coming any day now and I was worried that pressure was gonna send him over the edge. We have been talking about having him voluntarily go to a psych ward and see if they can help, kinda as a last ditch effort before I just give him permission to end it.. - -Today he talked to his counselor about going to one in a few weeks after the baby was here, and they came and picked him up an hour later. He is pissed, doesn't Want to be there, which I understand Is normal. He feels completely betrayed by his councellor and never wants to go back. I'm worried that now he is going to pretend like he is fine just to get out. The point of this is to get help why won't he just take it? I'm scared the mental hospital won't help at all. I just need you guys who have been there before to be honest with me. Did it help? What things helped and what made it worse? If it does help or when he comes back home, what are some things I can do to continue the healing process, or just make his life easier? Anything else you feel to share please do. I hate not knowing things and this is really killing me right now",1,sure right subreddit go know else go spouse struggled severe depression whole life genetic dad amount pressure make worse constantly feel though life worth living lost cause never feel okay want pain go away baby coming day worried pressure gon na send edge talking voluntarily go psych ward see help kinda last ditch effort give permission end today talked counselor going one week baby came picked hour later pissed want understand normal feel completely betrayed councellor never want go back worried going pretend like fine get point get help take scared mental hospital help need guy honest help thing helped made worse help come back home thing continue healing process make life easier anything else feel share please hate knowing thing really killing right -"My girlfriend finally left me. My depression drove our relationship into ruins, it also drove my relationship with my family into the ground. I feel so hopeless, I feel so much sorrow and so much rage toward myself. I'm not emotionally stable, one negative thing can put my mental state so deep in the negative. I don't know what to do anymore but killing myself. I feel tired all the time, I try to work for something but then I fail and can't pick it back up cause of my exhaustion. Why is it so painful watching the people you love leave knowing you can't blame anyone but yourself ? And they think I'm not trying hard enough or I dont care about them... I just can't win the battle in my head with my depression and my anxiety. -I was never religious but I started praying for god lately to end my life. -Please...I just want to go and rest, I just want to be at peace.",1,girlfriend finally left depression drove relationship ruin also drove relationship family ground feel hopeless feel much sorrow much rage toward emotionally stable one negative thing put mental state deep negative know anymore killing feel tired time try work something fail pick back cause exhaustion painful watching people love leave knowing blame anyone think trying hard enough dont care win battle head depression anxiety never religious started praying god lately end life please want go rest want peace -"I was planning to kill myself from the last month. I just wanted to spend whatever time I had with my friends and family. I met up with my friends last week for what would be the last time, so that was done. Then I wanted to spend some time with my parents, which I did yesterday and only my grandparents remained, so I spent some time with them today and I decided that would jump from some tall building in the night, but my grandmother surprised me with something she calls ""Dosa party"". So yes, dosas stopped me today. But I don't know that I can face tomorrow, I really don't know.",1,planning kill last month wanted spend whatever time friend family met friend last week would last time done wanted spend time parent yesterday grandparent remained spent time today decided would jump tall building night grandmother surprised something call dosa party yes dosas stopped today know face tomorrow really know -"Hello, -Idk what to do anymore. My dick is fucking broken and I can't feel it anymore. Look up hard flaccid if you want to know it... I hatey life now, have little sexual interest and feel worthless. Idk if I ever can have fun with sex again and I'm still only 20:( I had my life to live but it seems over. Also I have some fucked up familiy and mental health problems. I don't wvtn know where I'll be next year, all my goals and ambitions are lost. I just want to end the pain. Is there any easy and minimal pain way to die?",1,hello idk anymore dick fucking broken feel anymore look hard flaccid want know hatey life little sexual interest feel worthless idk ever fun sex still 0 life live seems also fucked familiy mental health problem wvtn know next year goal ambition lost want end pain easy minimal pain way die -"It’s been 6 years of fighting with my brain everyday, I last attempted a month ago and it was honestly traumatizing. I know it’s only a waiting game till I give up again I’m just sick of failed attempts and it’s the only reason I’m putting it off, I’m so over everything . I didn’t go to therapy this week because I couldn’t face having to talk. I feel so broken and unable to deal with anything and Idk what to do",1,year fighting brain everyday last attempted month ago honestly traumatizing know waiting game till give sick failed attempt reason putting everything go therapy week face talk feel broken unable deal anything idk -"Hey guys, I've been depressed for a while now and have passive suicidal thoughts every day. My younger sister is excelling, earning lots of money, travelling and living life to the full which is fantastic and I am so proud of her. But I can't help comparing my low energy life, lack of any friends and absence of any passion or achievement to hers, as after all, we came from the same weird parents. If I end it, the only people it would affect would be my mum. She deserves better than what I have to offer but I don't know how to make her proud. She must be so sick of me. I just don't know what I am meant to do, I'm 27, on a low income salary, riddled with debt, flunked university because of weed addiction, I have essentially ruined my life. I just wish I could press rewind on the last 10 years. Or at least start afresh by allowing my life energy to pass on to someone who could utilise it better. - -What to do.",1,hey guy depressed passive suicidal thought every day younger sister excelling earning lot money travelling living life full fantastic proud help comparing low energy life lack friend absence passion achievement came weird parent end people would affect would mum deserves better offer know make proud must sick know meant low income salary riddled debt flunked university weed addiction essentially ruined life wish could press rewind last 0 year least start afresh allowing life energy pas someone could utilise better -"I am told that my perfectionism is unproductive and unrealistic, that I cannot perform excellently on every task I set to, that this is no reason to panic and consider the worst. And yet the world itself is perfection-obsessed! We applaud prodigies, exclude people who don't perform perfectly from higher academic programs, idolise perfect work. I can't bear it. These thoughts are not just figments of my imagination. They are very real and true. I can't just dismiss them because they are uncomfortable.",1,told perfectionism unproductive unrealistic perform excellently every task set reason panic consider worst yet world perfection obsessed applaud prodigy exclude people perform perfectly higher academic program idolise perfect work bear thought figment imagination real true dismiss uncomfortable -"I just want to get it over with. I hate living every day knowing one day it’s going to end. I hate the fact that I exist at all. I try to get advice from people they either tell me basically to “deal with it” or turn back to religion, which isn’t happening. Neither one of those does a damn thing for me. What the fuck do I do? I want to blow my brains out so I don’t have to worry about it anymore. Just get it over with. Losing religion was the worst thing that ever happened to me. I was so happy when I thought god was real. Now I know the truth and life means nothing. Pointless.",1,want get hate living every day knowing one day going end hate fact exist try get advice people either tell basically deal turn back religion happening neither one damn thing fuck want blow brain worry anymore get losing religion worst thing ever happened happy thought god real know truth life mean nothing pointless -,1,nan -"Not sure if anyone can relate (I feel like probably not on this subreddit so I do apologise if it's rude to post here), but I want to die, I just don't want to kill myself. I can't wait for life to be over but I don't want to just end it. I want to smoke to speed up the process, and I just feel a little nihilistic. I wouldn't really call myself suicidal but I don't think I'll be sad when I die either",1,sure anyone relate feel like probably subreddit apologise rude post want die want kill wait life want end want smoke speed process feel little nihilistic really call suicidal think sad die either -"At my lowest lows I become very apathetic or very angry at the majority of people and objects around me. I feel so lonely and making good friends and dating are so difficult for me. While I understand this is difficult for many people, I’m only really focused on myself and how I feel because When I was suicidal last year it was due to not caring about myself. Now I care about myself, but I hate other people for not caring about me in the ways I want them to care about me. I also have basically no money. I make very little at my job because they won’t promote me to being a full-time teacher despite me working just as much as any other full time teachers in the building—just another thing I’m angry at people about. I really wish I could meet people for any social benefits, sex, cuddling, someone to talk to on a regular basis, someone to watch tv with or go out to eat etc. I crave those social interactions but I’m struggling to find anyone to fill those holes. Thank you in advance for any help/advice.",1,lowest low become apathetic angry majority people object around feel lonely making good friend dating difficult understand difficult many people really focused feel suicidal last year due caring care hate people caring way want care also basically money make little job promote full time teacher despite working much full time teacher building another thing angry people really wish could meet people social benefit sex cuddling someone talk regular basis someone watch tv go eat etc crave social interaction struggling find anyone fill hole thank advance help advice -Is there anyone I can talk to? Just for a while,1,anyone talk -"I feel empty inside. Miserable and worthless. I hate this pointless point of fact, but what else is there here. -Taste disdain, hate and fear, within myself that's all I find, even though I wish to be kind. I wake each day in dreadful pain, hating every breath. And every night I say a prayer, begging for freedom... For death.",1,feel empty inside miserable worthless hate pointless point fact else taste disdain hate fear within find even though wish kind wake day dreadful pain hating every breath every night say prayer begging freedom death -,1,nan -"TW: for self harm, abuse, and suicide -For the past 8 years i’ve suffered with severe depression from family genetics and other issues. As a young kid death wasn’t really my first thought it just kind of started appearing after a bit. When I was in middle school, my close friend sexually assaulted and abused me for a year and a half. They also psychologically manipulated me and abused me in ways that I’m shocked they got away with. I have made around 13 failed suicide attempts in my life time. Only one has been severe enough to end up in a hospital because I told people but realistically there’s several more that I should have been taken to a hospital for as they probably fucked up some stuff internally. I form really strong and probably toxic bonds with people to the point where if I think I will be left I try so hard to keep them around that it can be overbearing. I’ve gone to therapy since I was in elementary school, and I’ve done DBT and CBT intensively. I have definitely gotten better but the fact that any time someone leaves me I feel so distraught that killing myself feels like the only option. My partner and I broke up at the end of January and it has more or less destroyed me. I lost my virginity to them, and the breakup came out of the blue. They said we could start talking again when they felt like it so I have left them alone. I was being weird about saying hi so I tried to do that some more and I was feeling better about moving on and staying friends in the future. I really haven’t been feeling better, I still wanted to die, but I was managing it pretty well. On Monday, at midnight, they sent a text saying they “wanted to give me closure” and that they never actually wanted any sort of relationship after and oops sorry about the confusion. I’m not sure why they sent that, we haven’t spoken in almost 3 months, there has been no communication and I only told two people how I was secretly hoping things could be patched up. Everyone else who asked I had just said hopefully we can remain friends in the future. I know not everyone wants to stay friends but they were the one who proposed it. That sent me on a spiral. I broke 4 months of self harm, ripped off my fingernails in stress, and haven’t eaten correctly since. Realistically, if this is going to be my response to every breakup or conflict how can I keep living like this? I don’t want to end my own life, since a 14th failed attempt would be embarrassing, but I also don’t want to be here anymore. Everyone tells me that in a few months I get to move to my dream town so it’ll be fine but really I don’t care about that. I can’t handle the pain now, and knowing I’ll have to have it possibly many more times is excruciating. I feel like I could have been a success story, but realistically, if it’s been so long and I’ve only barely gotten better, then what’s the point. I’m trying my hardest to find reasons to live right now, but I don’t have much to care about.",1,tw self harm abuse suicide past year suffered severe depression family genetics issue young kid death really first thought kind started appearing bit middle school close friend sexually assaulted abused year half also psychologically manipulated abused way shocked got away made around failed suicide attempt life time one severe enough end hospital told people realistically several taken hospital probably fucked stuff internally form really strong probably toxic bond people point think left try hard keep around overbearing gone therapy since elementary school done dbt cbt intensively definitely gotten better fact time someone leaf feel distraught killing feel like option partner broke end january le destroyed lost virginity breakup came blue said could start talking felt like left alone weird saying hi tried feeling better moving staying friend future really feeling better still wanted die managing pretty well monday midnight sent text saying wanted give closure never actually wanted sort relationship oops sorry confusion sure sent spoken almost month communication told two people secretly hoping thing could patched everyone else asked said hopefully remain friend future know everyone want stay friend one proposed sent spiral broke month self harm ripped fingernail stress eaten correctly since realistically going response every breakup conflict keep living like want end life since th failed attempt would embarrassing also want anymore everyone tell month get move dream town fine really care handle pain knowing possibly many time excruciating feel like could success story realistically long barely gotten better point trying hardest find reason live right much care -"24F and going through a really bad break up. Up until the break up, the only thing I was scared of was him dying when we were old. - -Now? I can't even set foot in the home we once shared. I am going to sleep every night with his ghost rattling in my head but he is still alive. Just a stranger now. - -Please tell me this crushing pain will end. Because if it doesn't, I think I'm going to have to. - -The memories are torturing me I just want them to stop. I can't learn anymore, it just hurts.",1,f going really bad break break thing scared dying old even set foot home shared going sleep every night ghost rattling head still alive stranger please tell crushing pain end think going memory torturing want stop learn anymore hurt -I can’t decide I really want to but then again..,1,decide really want -"My life is a total shitshow. I had an abusive childhood - physical, mental and emotional abuse, complete neglect and ignoring from my father and overbearing manipulation from my mother. Religious abuse because of the way I was raised. I was sexually molested in high school. - -I went from that life experience straight into unexpected motherhood and eventually a marriage that quickly became toxic, but I loved him so much that I couldn't even acknowledge the abuse that was happening. 2 more kids later, I watch them living through their own childhood hell and I tried so hard to fix everything, but it just kept getting worse. Being used, worsening mental and emotional abuse, trying to carry the demands and unhappiness of someone who refused to get help for their diagnosed mental issues and I began losing myself in my.own anxiety and depression. - -After 17 years of escalating mistreatment and abuse my husband told me he wanted a divorce. The following months were a nightmare, I found out he was cheating on me and went through more abuse during the process of separation. I fell completely apart emotionally and began having multiple panic attacks a day, i couldnt eat or sleep. I had 2 heart attacks brought on from the stress. My husband was still living in our house at the time, but didnt even show concern or acknowledge that i almost died, i was back at work the following monday. He took all the money and spent what little i made, at times I couldn't even feed my kids, my daughter was buying food at school so she and her younger brother could eat. I fought tooth and nail for my marriage, trying so hard because even though he treated me like shit, he was my world and I loved him. He had been my rock throughout my teen years helping me get through the abuse and trauma at home, only to become the same type of father himself. I tried to help him, to help my kids and i loved them all with my entire being, trying to be the glue that held us all together. But I couldn't fight the inevitable. My entire life was torn apart. He divorced me, leaving me with our traumatized, suffering kids and our broken down house to assuage his guilt. - -I sought help because i was self harming and suicidal, i was diagnosed with a slew of mental conditions, including depression, anxiety and PTSD. I was not a functioning human being for at least a year, I barely remember that time of my life other than the agony and feeling like a walking corpse. I mourned the death of who I had been. - -The last few years since then have been nothing but struggle too. My house had already been falling apart, but things just kept worsening. Electrical lines not working, that meant no oven, full size refrigerator or dish washer. No air conditioning. No heat. No hot water. A pool that is dilapidated and looks like a swamp. There are so many issues with the house and I can't afford to fix them those are just a few. None of the paperwork was filed by my ex either so although it's mine according to the decree, it's still listed as legally his. I pay a mortgage in his name. I can't afford to change things with a lawyer. I make so little money I can't keep my head above water to even keep our basic needs met. And even though it costs too much, my mortgage is still cheaper than the cheapest 2 bedroom apartment anywhere near me. I cant sell it because its in his name anyway. My ex is no longer in our lives. I'm trying to find a job that pays a decent wage but I have no college degree. I need to make at least 55k to be able to make it and I've applied at literally hundreds of places with nothing but scams replying positively. My relevant work experience is over 15 years ago and my current job has literally zero room to grow or increase income. I hate my job. - -My kids are mostly grown but still live at home, my daughter is in college, she took out loans and scholarships. My oldest has his own mental issues that prevent him getting a job, my youngest is in high school. I've filed for forbearance and now am thousands behind on the house. We are of the brink of losing everything if I can't pay it all back, because the loan can't be modified since its in his name and i can't refinance without an up to date loan. Within the next few months we are facing possible homelessness. - -In the last couple years I met a guy who I am close to, although we are long distance. I fell for him hard, and he encouraged me in my feelings, but ended up basically leading me on. I got my heart broken again. I hadn't thought I could care for someone again after all I had been through, but being burned again, especially from this man has left me with ashes instead of a heart. Yet I can't turn off how badly I just want to be loved, and how much I care for him. He's still in my life as a friend but it's painful. My heart is just so far beyond simply broken I don't think I can ever recover after all I've been through. - -It seems like almost every day something else goes wrong, things break at my house, not small things, major ones, today it was my daughter's laptop that she needs for school and me losing my next to last pair of contacts that I can't afford to buy more of. Just when it seems like things might not improve but at least be okay, something else happens that knocks us down even further. I'm working 2 jobs but we are bleeding money so badly I can't keep up and I am just so tired of trying to exist. I hate my life, the only reason I haven't killed myself is because of my kids. I love them more than anything and i feel so awful for feeling this way when i know how much they love me and how i love them. I'm terrified of slipping back into self harm. I cant cope, I'm in excruciating emotional pain and the stress is overwhelming. I have panic attacks, I can't sleep. I've had to stop buying my medication because my daughter needs it more. My sons could use mental help but I cant afford it. - -I just need to vent, to scream that I am not okay, that I can't make it. I'm so tired, so tired and I just want it all to stop. I just want the nightmare of my life to end. There is no more light to be found. The light at the end of the tunnel really is a freight train in my experience. I am broken, lonely, unhappy, in complete despair and I feel worse than beat down, I feel like roadkill. Like im crushed and lifeless and not even reconizable as something that was once alive and yet still the tires come to grind me deeper into the pavement endlessly. I feel worthless. unlovable. hopeless. Oddly enough I still volunteer at church, but even though I still go and serve there I don't believe any of it anymore because my life has been so bad for so long and it just keeps getting worse and worse. Not for days, or weeks or even months or years. Literal decades of trauma, a lifetime of it and still it gets worse. I dont know how to keep going, every day it's harder and harder - -I'll probably delete this because I already feel so exposed, but I just needed to try to get it out - -I just want it to stop. I just want it all to stop.",1,life total shitshow abusive childhood physical mental emotional abuse complete neglect ignoring father overbearing manipulation mother religious abuse way raised sexually molested high school went life experience straight unexpected motherhood eventually marriage quickly became toxic loved much even acknowledge abuse happening kid later watch living childhood hell tried hard fix everything kept getting worse used worsening mental emotional abuse trying carry demand unhappiness someone refused get help diagnosed mental issue began losing anxiety depression year escalating mistreatment abuse husband told wanted divorce following month nightmare found cheating went abuse process separation fell completely apart emotionally began multiple panic attack day couldnt eat sleep heart attack brought stress husband still living house time didnt even show concern acknowledge almost died back work following monday took money spent little made time even feed kid daughter buying food school younger brother could eat fought tooth nail marriage trying hard even though treated like shit world loved rock throughout teen year helping get abuse trauma home become type father tried help help kid loved entire trying glue held u together fight inevitable entire life torn apart divorced leaving traumatized suffering kid broken house assuage guilt sought help self harming suicidal diagnosed slew mental condition including depression anxiety ptsd functioning human least year barely remember time life agony feeling like walking corpse mourned death last year since nothing struggle house already falling apart thing kept worsening electrical line working meant oven full size refrigerator dish washer air conditioning heat hot water pool dilapidated look like swamp many issue house afford fix none paperwork filed ex either although mine according decree still listed legally pay mortgage name afford change thing lawyer make little money keep head water even keep basic need met even though cost much mortgage still cheaper cheapest bedroom apartment anywhere near cant sell name anyway ex longer life trying find job pay decent wage college degree need make least k able make applied literally hundred place nothing scam replying positively relevant work experience year ago current job literally zero room grow increase income hate job kid mostly grown still live home daughter college took loan scholarship oldest mental issue prevent getting job youngest high school filed forbearance thousand behind house brink losing everything pay back loan modified since name refinance without date loan within next month facing possible homelessness last couple year met guy close although long distance fell hard encouraged feeling ended basically leading got heart broken thought could care someone burned especially man left ash instead heart yet turn badly want loved much care still life friend painful heart far beyond simply broken think ever recover seems like almost every day something else go wrong thing break house small thing major one today daughter laptop need school losing next last pair contact afford buy seems like thing might improve least okay something else happens knock u even working job bleeding money badly keep tired trying exist hate life reason killed kid love anything feel awful feeling way know much love love terrified slipping back self harm cant cope excruciating emotional pain stress overwhelming panic attack sleep stop buying medication daughter need son could use mental help cant afford need vent scream okay make tired tired want stop want nightmare life end light found light end tunnel really freight train experience broken lonely unhappy complete despair feel worse beat feel like roadkill like im crushed lifeless even reconizable something alive yet still tire come grind deeper pavement endlessly feel worthless unlovable hopeless oddly enough still volunteer church even though still go serve believe anymore life bad long keep getting worse worse day week even month year literal decade trauma lifetime still get worse dont know keep going every day harder harder probably delete already feel exposed needed try get want stop want stop -"Everyday at some point I get this overwhelming urge to kill myself. Sometimes its when i wake up sometimes its when i fall asleep sometimes its in the middle of the day, there is no rhyme or reason to the timing. A year ago my best friend who i went to for encouragement and care killed himself and i think he killed himself because he couldnt handle my problems on top of his own. I keep cutting myself and while i dont cut that deep it gets deeper everytime i do it. I feel like im a disappointment to my dad and grandma since i just lay around at the house instead of going to university. Its just so hard to convince myself to do anything as nothing is fun anymore. I used to love playing games but now that is boring and lifeless. My dad thinks i should just push through and maybe i should but it just feels so difficult. I feel like im a terrible person who abuses others for emotional gain as i will often make requests of others without reciprocating and will get mad and yell at others for doing things that inconvenience me. Ive been trying to do better but everytime I seem to improve i come back worse than before. I think the world and my family would be better of without me being a parasite. I feel like killing myself will ultimately make the world a better place. - -Im sorry for the rambling text i probably sound stupid or crazy but i wanted to get my authentic thoughts out.",1,everyday point get overwhelming urge kill sometimes wake sometimes fall asleep sometimes middle day rhyme reason timing year ago best friend went encouragement care killed think killed couldnt handle problem top keep cutting dont cut deep get deeper everytime feel like im disappointment dad grandma since lay around house instead going university hard convince anything nothing fun anymore used love playing game boring lifeless dad think push maybe feel difficult feel like im terrible person abuse others emotional gain often make request others without reciprocating get mad yell others thing inconvenience ive trying better everytime seem improve come back worse think world family would better without parasite feel like killing ultimately make world better place im sorry rambling text probably sound stupid crazy wanted get authentic thought -I think todays the day i realized my life is over and there’s no point in going forward I have nothing and I never will have anything I also don’t like life it’s horrible people are horrible having to do shit in general is horrible being human is horrible and at my job we have those really strong pipes that could hold my weight so now I’m looking for a sturdy rope (I work in maintenance) and then once the people upstairs leave that’s when I make my attempt I hope I pull it off if anything I’ll delete this post if I failed but today is the day my life ends I refuse another shit day I refuse life wish me luck I’m going to need it,1,think today day realized life point going forward nothing never anything also like life horrible people horrible shit general horrible human horrible job really strong pipe could hold weight looking sturdy rope work maintenance people upstairs leave make attempt hope pull anything delete post failed today day life end refuse another shit day refuse life wish luck going need -i have probably around 40g of metformin sitting next to me right now. im scared but relieved that everything will finally be over,1,probably around 0g metformin sitting next right im scared relieved everything finally -"I won't share details, and I won't help anyone with their plans, but when you know what you want to do and how to do it, being alone is really hard. Especially when you promised to live. I don't want to do this anymore, how fucking unfair",1,share detail help anyone plan know want alone really hard especially promised live want anymore fucking unfair -"Hello, I (f23) have told all my friends & family i’m in a dark place. I just started treatment with a therapist & am meeting a pcp soon. I am on a personal leave from work to deal with these personal issues.. - -It was tough, but I have been transparent with my support system (family/friends) that I left an abusive relationship & I am deeply ashamed that I almost did not leave. I left my home & family for 6 yrs & lived with my partner in another state. I just moved back in with parents- grateful but struggling to adjust. - -In my heart there is shame knowing that I only left because he admitted he did not love me for the past 2 yrs, not because it was an abusive relationship & I nearly died.. i couldn’t & still can barely see past the love I had for this partner & grasp that it was abusive. - -My trust was betrayed so deeply from this 6yr relationship. It was as if a switch had been flipped & the person I believed I was in a mutual loving relationship with was suddenly gone. I was treated so callously by my partner. - -I know this is simply how the world is & I need to come to terms. But.. Now I struggle with depression & anxiety with every relationship in my life. I am utterly terrified to trust even family & friends. but i have been high functioning- forcing myself to be active & social. My family & friends have been here for me, bringing me back from the ledge & encouraging positive outlets like socializing with friends & working out. - -I am scared, because all I can think in the moments of stillness is, “What is the point?” For now, the point is to keep pushing on for family & friends because I do not want them to have to live with my death if I committed suicide. I feel like I am on borrowed time & my excuse for sticking around will soon mean nothing.. - -My cup is so low, I just want to sleep all day & not wake up. I’m terrified. I want to be okay. I don’t know what else to do. I hate putting the pressure on my friends & family to pull me back from this metaphorical ledge.. i know they love me & they have told me I am not a burden.. I cannot shut out that voice in my head saying I am being a burden. I should just be strong, get up, and & move on. I just want to be able to be fine again. - -Can anyone help me by suggesting resources that I have not already exhausted or by answering the question, “what is the point?” - -My sibling shared that personally his point/purpose in life is to spread positive energy & change with each person he interacts with. I used to & my heart still longs to be this way, but at the end of the day what is the point? We’re all going to die anyways.. i’m tired. Someone please help",1,hello f told friend amp family dark place started treatment therapist amp meeting pcp soon personal leave work deal personal issue tough transparent support system family friend left abusive relationship amp deeply ashamed almost leave left home amp family yr amp lived partner another state moved back parent grateful struggling adjust heart shame knowing left admitted love past yr abusive relationship amp nearly died amp still barely see past love partner amp grasp abusive trust betrayed deeply yr relationship switch flipped amp person believed mutual loving relationship suddenly gone treated callously partner know simply world amp need come term struggle depression amp anxiety every relationship life utterly terrified trust even family amp friend high functioning forcing active amp social family amp friend bringing back ledge amp encouraging positive outlet like socializing friend amp working scared think moment stillness point point keep pushing family amp friend want live death committed suicide feel like borrowed time amp excuse sticking around soon mean nothing cup low want sleep day amp wake terrified want okay know else hate putting pressure friend amp family pull back metaphorical ledge know love amp told burden shut voice head saying burden strong get amp move want able fine anyone help suggesting resource already exhausted answering question point sibling shared personally point purpose life spread positive energy amp change person interacts used amp heart still longs way end day point going die anyways tired someone please help -"I’m ready to end all, but I don’t have the courage to do it. I’ve thought of different ways, when, and where I would do it, but I’m scared. I’m a 26F, and life isn’t going well. My career isn’t going as planned… in a few weeks; I’ll be out of a job. I was terrible at this job and had no choice but to leave. I have another offer and interviewing for another place, but I’m scared it won’t work out and I'm ashamed that I have to find another job. I’m struggling financially, and I’m too scared to tell anyone. I don’t know how I’m going to keep going. I’m extremely depressed and want this to end. I don’t know where I’m heading in life, what is good for me and how to keep going. My life goal was to be successful, settle down and have children, but I don’t see that happening. If I stay, I see myself being unhappy in corporate America. - - - -My thoughts are all over the place right now, but I have no one to talk to. I’m not living the American dream… I’m living someone else’s dream. This makes me think that the world would be a better place without me.",1,ready end courage thought different way would scared f life going well career going planned week job terrible job choice leave another offer interviewing another place scared work ashamed find another job struggling financially scared tell anyone know going keep going extremely depressed want end know heading life good keep going life goal successful settle child see happening stay see unhappy corporate america thought place right one talk living american dream living someone else dream make think world would better place without -every day feels so fucking long and school feels even longer somehow,1,every day feel fucking long school feel even longer somehow -life is just working hard at school so you can work hard at college so you can work hard at an unpaid internship so you can work hard at an unfulfilling job so you can have a nice funeral when you finally kick the bucket. whats the point? the only thing keeping me from offing myself is the fact that my girlfriend would be devastated and the off chance that it could fail and leave me permanently injured. why do we as a species continue to exist in this hellscape despite its inherent pointlessness?,1,life working hard school work hard college work hard unpaid internship work hard unfulfilling job nice funeral finally kick bucket whats point thing keeping offing fact girlfriend would devastated chance could fail leave permanently injured specie continue exist hellscape despite inherent pointlessness -"I WISH INWAS DEAD. I JUST CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE -YOU STUPID FUCKING REDDITORS -ALL YOU CAN GIVE ME IS USELESS, WORTHLESS NOTHING -I HATE YOU SO MUCH -KILL ME -KILL KE -KILL ME -I BEG OF YOU -THE ONLY THING THAT CAN VALIDATE YOU IS TO KILL ME -YPU ARE WORTHLESS -THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN REGAIN HONOUR IS TO KILL ME -I AM NOTHING",1,wish inwas dead cant take anymore stupid fucking redditors give useless worthless nothing hate much kill kill ke kill beg thing validate kill ypu worthless way regain honour kill nothing -"(I wont do anything because i fear hell, but, still.) - -I cant really explain anything about what i feel, think or who i am. - -Since a kid, ive felt like everything is a fever dream, where im being carried by something else, that i dont really have control over where i end up, where i am at a point in time. You ask me the types of questions that relate to the my idea of myself, and i lose myself and paradoxical thoughts and incoherent ideas. - -I feel sad, happy, suicidal, overly optimistic, manic, confident in different points in time, like random. - -due to this tortured Psyche, i tend not to know why. Why? is the biggest description of my life. - -I dont why im writing this, i dont know if i want a solution for this. I dont why i want to know why. - -Those paradoxes of hope and despair makes the idea of ""just be yourself"" a death sentence for myself. - -Ive pushed many away because of my mind baggage. And this regret makes me rather troubled. I am social (mostly from a intense desire to conduct and use all my mind nonsense energy into talking), talking to people, no biggie, but when i start getting close to someone or i start liking them, a timed detonation starts, that i dont know the countdown of. Eventually i will realease my mind onto them, on that point in time, the relationship wont be the same, some people like me for this (The existencial despair of my mind is very funny when you hear it talk), some just stop talking to me, some want to passionately help me save me from myself, to be a mentor. Recently i have to really control it. - -I dont know to what point im getting too, i just forgot half of the things i was gonna say. - -Eventually, what im feeling right now, (a mental breakdown i think, maybe, i just feel all the paradoxes getting into a boiling point). Will reach a limit, usually i start getting into suicidal thoughts (not because i hate the world, or necessarily hate myself, my life.etc Is a strong feeling of wanting to go away to a better place, to see the beautiful things of a different world, to reset my reality, to get out of here, to end my mind, to end my happiness and my sadness), my mind suddenly calms itself, the fog suddenly clears, like body saying, ""you wont die"". I am left wondering ""what was i even thinking about?, i just wasted my time"". - -&#x200B; - -Then the cycle starts again. - -I love circles. - -&#x200B; - -Due to this my mind wants to end its own thinking, meaning that i tend to seek mental damage. - -(Note: you can see how this is a problem for romantic relationships, i mean, no one wants to deal with a man with deep mind issues, im willing to accept that i will live and die mostly alone, with no meaningfull or deep friends except my family, right now and in the future, i will have friends and such, allways, im not a loner on earth, but a loner on my reality)",1,wont anything fear hell still cant really explain anything feel think since kid ive felt like everything fever dream im carried something else dont really control end point time ask type question relate idea lose paradoxical thought incoherent idea feel sad happy suicidal overly optimistic manic confident different point time like random due tortured psyche tend know biggest description life dont im writing dont know want solution dont want know paradox hope despair make idea death sentence ive pushed many away mind baggage regret make rather troubled social mostly intense desire conduct use mind nonsense energy talking talking people biggie start getting close someone start liking timed detonation start dont know countdown eventually realease mind onto point time relationship wont people like existencial despair mind funny hear talk stop talking want passionately help save mentor recently really control dont know point im getting forgot half thing gon na say eventually im feeling right mental breakdown think maybe feel paradox getting boiling point reach limit usually start getting suicidal thought hate world necessarily hate life etc strong feeling wanting go away better place see beautiful thing different world reset reality get end mind end happiness sadness mind suddenly calm fog suddenly clear like body saying wont die left wondering even thinking wasted time amp x 00b cycle start love circle amp x 00b due mind want end thinking meaning tend seek mental damage note see problem romantic relationship mean one want deal man deep mind issue im willing accept live die mostly alone meaningfull deep friend except family right future friend allways im loner earth loner reality -"My decision is irreversable, and has been thought through for some time. I don't need any ""you shouldn't do that, dont give up."". I know my actions will be egoistic for people around me, but I couldn't care. I won't suffer, so they do not have to go through my suicide. Should I leave a good bye, fuck you letter or should I just do nothing?",1,decision irreversable thought time need dont give know action egoistic people around care suffer go suicide leave good bye fuck letter nothing -"My clock has stopped some time few years ago and never worked again. I am literally living like a zombie, without purpose, without passion and definitely without hope. I lost navigation in my life and grew indifferent to whatever happens around me. I don't know why am I living till now or why should I be living in the future. - -I started losing my abilities to communicate with people. My social insecurities are growing bigger and bigger. Sometimes I need someone to listen but I always fail to put my thoughts into words and end up being misunderstood. my friends are awesome and understanding, but it just feels terrible not being able to explain how empty shell I have become, no one would believe it when you show compassion and humor all the day long, right? I have been suicidal for years but never had the courage to exit this life. My silent life always tells me to keep it silent and never create drama out of it. I am living in the shadows of this existence and I want to die in the shadows too. - -I tried many things to get myself out of the zombie mode. I tried pushing myself into social activities, I tried to exercise, I traveled, I met new people, I tried to do what I used to enjoy, I tried to experience new things, I tried to read.. I failed to do all because I couldn't keep my concentration enough and my thoughts always drifted away. Eventually, all these attempts of escape drained my mind. - -I am a master's degree student who should be working on thesis now but I always push the workload and procrastinate till the last moments before the deadline. To be honest I don't know why I am even studying. It is nothing more than another failed journey to find myself. - -I feel that time, space, water, food, air and everything that my biological body consumes are wasted for keeping me alive, while other people with actual dreams and goals out there living in the most extreme hardships. I am just jealous.. - -SuicideWatch community, what is worth living for? Will I ever be able to get through this?",1,clock stopped time year ago never worked literally living like zombie without purpose without passion definitely without hope lost navigation life grew indifferent whatever happens around know living till living future started losing ability communicate people social insecurity growing bigger bigger sometimes need someone listen always fail put thought word end misunderstood friend awesome understanding feel terrible able explain empty shell become one would believe show compassion humor day long right suicidal year never courage exit life silent life always tell keep silent never create drama living shadow existence want die shadow tried many thing get zombie mode tried pushing social activity tried exercise traveled met new people tried used enjoy tried experience new thing tried read failed keep concentration enough thought always drifted away eventually attempt escape drained mind master degree student working thesis always push workload procrastinate till last moment deadline honest know even studying nothing another failed journey find feel time space water food air everything biological body consumes wasted keeping alive people actual dream goal living extreme hardship jealous suicidewatch community worth living ever able get -I study in university and started cause liked what i was doing (Computer science) but now i just plainly hate it and am tired between this my mental health and my family that keeps on pressuring over studies 24/7 non stop litteraly even though i study it but i don't want to do this anymore i just feel pain and stress for it i try to feel normal and such with some passions like learning how to draw and sing and also streaming but my family will sure just slow me down and stress me more so i study more and more then will sure interrupt my therapy soon enough saying i either have been cured or cause no money for it but they will say i just gotta study more and more at the end nothing more just study and pain study study study study i can't fucking take it anymore i can't even hurt myself enough to get into an hospital cause my family will pressure me even more later over the lost hours or will pressure and force me to study even in hospital and can't even change cause IT is the only thing i know how to do i though about voice acting since i liked that too but my mom just told me the truth that there are already too many voice actor out there so it's useless and i won't get a career most probably so i'm stuck in CS in pain and pressured while also having to help my family around continously and i can't even fucking vent to them or scream my pain cause they will order me to not scream and say that they will feel sick including my grandma cause of my screaming giving all fault to me and i can't take this anymore i just want to rest and cry but no i gotta be in class like rn and follow and study more and more non stop my only way out then is just killing myself at this point i have no more solutions this is it i can only kill myself right now at this point,1,study university started cause liked computer science plainly hate tired mental health family keep pressuring study non stop litteraly even though study want anymore feel pain stress try feel normal passion like learning draw sing also streaming family sure slow stress study sure interrupt therapy soon enough saying either cured cause money say got ta study end nothing study pain study study study study fucking take anymore even hurt enough get hospital cause family pressure even later lost hour pressure force study even hospital even change cause thing know though voice acting since liked mom told truth already many voice actor useless get career probably stuck c pain pressured also help family around continously even fucking vent scream pain cause order scream say feel sick including grandma cause screaming giving fault take anymore want rest cry got ta class like rn follow study non stop way killing point solution kill right point -"I have no will power to do anything. I hate doing assignments and study. All they do is blame me for not doing anything cuz everyone are doing the same thing and they say that I’m not the only one who has problems. I don’t know why I’m really afraid to call it quits, even my mom told me to kill my self. I’m not sure what I’m waiting for",1,power anything hate assignment study blame anything cuz everyone thing say one problem know really afraid call quits even mom told kill self sure waiting -"Hey, my names Luis and I’ve lived a very hard life. On march 2020 my friends kidnapped me. they tortured me, they sexually assaulted me, they beat me up, they lighted my skin on fire and they shaved my hair and eyebrows off. I thought my life couldn’t get any worse after that traumatic experience but it actually did. I’ve been bashed, I’ve been portrayed, my windows have been smashed, my property has been stolen, my mothers car windows have been smashed and I get made fun by people for being gay. I wanna jump off and die.",1,hey name luis lived hard life march 0 0 friend kidnapped tortured sexually assaulted beat lighted skin fire shaved hair eyebrow thought life get worse traumatic experience actually bashed portrayed window smashed property stolen mother car window smashed get made fun people gay wan na jump die -"Can someone help me out and give me the most effective way to just get lost? -Money is not a problem, nor making a mess.",1,someone help give effective way get lost money problem making mess -"I’m a stupid little bitch with a raging coke addiction, unemployed, have been raped 3 times… I’ll never amount to anything. I grew up thinking I had a lot of potential, everyone thought the same thing too, but I’m a loser, I was wrong and so was everyone. -I’m now figuring out a way I can finally do it. -I’m done.",1,stupid little bitch raging coke addiction unemployed raped time never amount anything grew thinking lot potential everyone thought thing loser wrong everyone figuring way finally done -"I constantly have suicidal thoughts even if I'm doing ok. It's like it's always in the back of my mind. I have my dark days where it's all I can think about, but it's still back there during the good days too. I feel like I'm strange for constantly thinking about it, even if I'm happy.",1,constantly suicidal thought even ok like always back mind dark day think still back good day feel like strange constantly thinking even happy -"While I wait for my school counselor to give me an update on the whole online school therapy thing, I was convinced to check out a confidential, free, and text based crisis hotline. It's apparently designed for teens like me who have noone in their life that they could talk to. Now, for me, personally, my experience was subpar. - -I don't want to disrespect the volunteer work there, but after the 2 successful attempts, one in the morning and one just 3 hours earlier, I felt like I was just a number on a waiting list. The system constantly kicked me out of the conversation, and the one time I actually had a decent conversation, it felt like they were trying to cast me aside as quick as possible. - -As soon as I mentioned that music helps me organize my thoughts at times, they told me to just listen to music and the conversation closed immediately after. Maybe I'm stupid, or maybe it's just my anxiety and paranoia, but they seemed annoyed. I guess it would help to say what I was expecting. - -I was thinking it would be a deep dive into why I feel the way I do, but it was more just a short session of giving me a metaphorical ice pack and sending me home with an old, stale lollipop. If I didn't feel worthless enough already, then well... - -As for the 2nd ""successful"" attempt, it was even shorter. They asked me how I was feeling, they asked a question to confirm what I said, I answered, and then the very next message was telling me that I must've stepped away and that the conversation had been closed. - -The automated reply also hit me with a stinger saying ""you matter."" It doesn't feel like it. It doesn't help that I had to reply ""STOP"" over and over because I kept getting auto replies from the bot. - -Needless to say, I have less faith that online school therapy will even put a dent in how I feel. - -TLDR: Seeking help, as many advise when situations like these crop up, hasn't worked this time around. And my already weak ability to see a good future for myself has withered away a bit more.",1,wait school counselor give update whole online school therapy thing convinced check confidential free text based crisis hotline apparently designed teen like noone life could talk personally experience subpar want disrespect volunteer work successful attempt one morning one hour earlier felt like number waiting list system constantly kicked conversation one time actually decent conversation felt like trying cast aside quick possible soon mentioned music help organize thought time told listen music conversation closed immediately maybe stupid maybe anxiety paranoia seemed annoyed guess would help say expecting thinking would deep dive feel way short session giving metaphorical ice pack sending home old stale lollipop feel worthless enough already well nd successful attempt even shorter asked feeling asked question confirm said answered next message telling must stepped away conversation closed automated reply also hit stinger saying matter feel like help reply stop kept getting auto reply bot needle say le faith online school therapy even put dent feel tldr seeking help many advise situation like crop worked time around already weak ability see good future withered away bit -"I am gonna make sure I’m dead by tomorrow morning. Every women is disgusted by my horrendous face and would rather die than speak to someone who looks like me. - -Time to die :)",1,gon na make sure dead tomorrow morning every woman disgusted horrendous face would rather die speak someone look like time die -"This person knows everything that’s going on in my life. I’ve been trying not to drink much recently (been a couple months now). I went from downing a 6 pack a night to nothing. I quit nicotine at the same time. I’m in so much mental and physical pain. It’s unbearable. I told her I want to drink. I can’t take life anymore. She told me I can’t. I made a joke. I said I should get a pass because I want to die. Idk why that’s funny. I find it hilarious. If those are really the only two options, maybe I should just go back to drinking every night. I can either be numb or dead. Both sound real nice right about now. - -I hope she’s not on Reddit. That would be awkward.",1,person know everything going life trying drink much recently couple month went downing pack night nothing quit nicotine time much mental physical pain unbearable told want drink take life anymore told made joke said get pas want die idk funny find hilarious really two option maybe go back drinking every night either numb dead sound real nice right hope reddit would awkward -I’m gonna go through with it this time. Just gotta graduate and at least get this stupid degree first.,1,gon na go time got ta graduate least get stupid degree first -,1,nan -"Is my life over. I’m 18M. I’ve never really had many friends and have lonely and depressed for pretty much all my life. My family situation has always been kinda fked up too. However, my senior year of HS, I finally got a group that went to HOCO with me and I’ve talked to them and played video games with. Granted they weren’t as close as friends could be, but I still loved them man. They also are friends with a big group of girls. So recently 1 tik tok comment from 8 months ago and a verbal comment from 5 months ago were brought up. Upon my investigation, I couldn’t find any proof of that verbal comment. Heck I don’t even remember saying it, so it has to be false or blown up from something much more minute I do remember saying. These girls made my only friends in the world drop me, and have ruined my reputation. I keep thinking suicidal thoughts, wishing I had a gun to end it but then I remember my family and life I have. I was so excited to start college too, but now they’re trying to talking to school admin about this. They have 0 proof so I don’t think much will happen. But I’m so lonely now and want to kill myself. It’s all I can think about. I wanted to go to prom with them. To a senior summer trip with them, but now, it’s all over man. I wish I had a gun and could end it without hurting my family",1,life never really many friend lonely depressed pretty much life family situation always kinda fked however senior year h finally got group went hoco talked played video game granted close friend could still loved man also friend big group girl recently tik tok comment month ago verbal comment month ago brought upon investigation find proof verbal comment heck even remember saying false blown something much minute remember saying girl made friend world drop ruined reputation keep thinking suicidal thought wishing gun end remember family life excited start college trying talking school admin 0 proof think much happen lonely want kill think wanted go prom senior summer trip man wish gun could end without hurting family -"I had more hopeful talks with friends and family I can't see, all tryied to convince me it gets better but at the end of the night I cry myself to sleep, alone, wishing I had cut just a LITTLE bit deeper the first time. I don't care if it gets better anymore. I don't care if I never speak to anyone again, I just want this to stop, I hate this ""just believe"" shit",1,hopeful talk friend family see tryied convince get better end night cry sleep alone wishing cut little bit deeper first time care get better anymore care never speak anyone want stop hate believe shit -"It happened this morning. - -We were both good friends, we had many similar interests. We rocked out and jammed to Metallica, A7X and other metal bands. - -However, we both lead different lives. I was currently studying and he was a dropout. I grew busy with my internship and i did not talk to him as much. - -I know he contemplated suicide before but that was a while ago and i assumed he was okay…until today. - -I feel like i have let him down, i should have talked to him more often. We were even planning to hang out soon. - -I’m at a lost for words. I want to cry and let everything out, but I can’t. I just can’t. I’m tired of everything, just a few months ago my family member attempted suicide, because of my mother’s infidelity. I’m not even sad no more, i’m just sick and tired.",1,happened morning good friend many similar interest rocked jammed metallica x metal band however lead different life currently studying dropout grew busy internship talk much know contemplated suicide ago assumed okay today feel like let talked often even planning hang soon lost word want cry let everything tired everything month ago family member attempted suicide mother infidelity even sad sick tired -"When i was 14 I sa’d a girl In her sleep. Why? I don’t know. I feel like shit every day because of it. It genuinely makes me feel like shit when I think about it. I just don’t wanna live anymore, I’ve made so many drastic mistakes that I don’t see the point in life. - -Now the SA story has gotten around school. I know and understand I did this to myself but I can’t help but feel like shit. I really just want to go back and get my old life back. - -But no one believes me when I say I’m sorry or I feel like shit because of it. I feel remorseful. But there’s no way to convey that.",1,sa girl sleep know feel like shit every day genuinely make feel like shit think wan na live anymore made many drastic mistake see point life sa story gotten around school know understand help feel like shit really want go back get old life back one belief say sorry feel like shit feel remorseful way convey -"my parents expect 90% and above and I failed. after answering the paper I told them it was easy, even though it wasn't as I dint want a scolding then. now, its worse and they expect good marks. i got above 30/40 only in 2 subjects out of 10 - -idk what to do anymore",1,parent expect 90 failed answering paper told easy even though dint want scolding worse expect good mark got 0 0 subject 0 idk anymore -"I don't really know what to do anymore, like for almost 10 years, i've always been sad, mostly because of my own inabilites. Yes i'm talentless and below average intelligence. Then we kinda move here in a rural area. Ran into financial troubles which lead to me having chronic depression where every waking moment i feel so frustrated and anxious of my situation, i was socially isolated in school and was looked at like a failure at home. I managed to get by for the next 8 years after that, even i don't know why. Now i kinda get a silent anxiety attack now and then, even on the slightest things. My mental health is on the brink of just breaking, i can't take that anymore. - -Please suggest a way to end myself in a rather non-violent manner, i think it's my time to move on from our cruel world.",1,really know anymore like almost 0 year always sad mostly inabilites yes talentless average intelligence kinda move rural area ran financial trouble lead chronic depression every waking moment feel frustrated anxious situation socially isolated school looked like failure home managed get next year even know kinda get silent anxiety attack even slightest thing mental health brink breaking take anymore please suggest way end rather non violent manner think time move cruel world -"I was a good kid. Class President, one of those pesky Mormon missionaries after highschool, on scholarship, etc. Then at 22 I snapped and went to prison... for ten years. I vowed to overcome it, got out, finished college and married. Less than five short years of being free, I threw it all away and went back for another 5 years on a parole violation, finding out that week that my poor unsuspecting wife was pregnant with our only child. -I struggled through five more years of incarceration, dragging my entire family through the nightmare that is the criminal justice system again, while my now ex-wife struggled to have our baby and support herself. -I've been free again for under two years. I'll never have a good job, I see my son for two brief hours a month and he barely knows my name. My family who was heavily involved in his life while I was incarcerated, is now prevented from seeing him or even knowing about him for my ex. Everything I have is because of the charity of others and I've earned nothing on my own other than disdain. -The direction my life took was unexpected to everybody. I was expected to be so successful. But here I sit, 42 years old, with no hope of a meaningful life. 20 years gone in the blink of an eye. Hell, as a felon many people would just prefer I was dead anyway. -To look at me you would never know that all of this is in my past. The only friends I have are people I've met online who don't even know my real name, as all of my old friends have long since moved on with their lives. -I would have ended it all already, and in fact tried while incarcerated, but I'm just too damn scared. - -At the heart of all of it I'm just a coward.",1,good kid class president one pesky mormon missionary highschool scholarship etc snapped went prison ten year vowed overcome got finished college married le five short year free threw away went back another year parole violation finding week poor unsuspecting wife pregnant child struggled five year incarceration dragging entire family nightmare criminal justice system ex wife struggled baby support free two year never good job see son two brief hour month barely know name family heavily involved life incarcerated prevented seeing even knowing ex everything charity others earned nothing disdain direction life took unexpected everybody expected successful sit year old hope meaningful life 0 year gone blink eye hell felon many people would prefer dead anyway look would never know past friend people met online even know real name old friend long since moved life would ended already fact tried incarcerated damn scared heart coward -"Hello. I am 18 years old and a senior in high school I also have ADHD and autism. I have been suicidal twice before (6th/7th grade and 10th grade). But this is possibly the worst it's been. - -The disaster started back in September when I got diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder called nf1. Everything I have heard about this disorder from doctors and online sounds fucking horrible and nothing I want to live with. - -Then in October I met my first girlfriend. So I was happy for a bit but if course that went south too, I'll just get right to the point. When the relationship started I made clear to her that I didn't want sex and she agreed. However later that same month she talked me into it. In November/December she asked for it multiple times a day and guilt tripped me when I said no. She made me feel horrible when she did this. Then in January I was saying no repeatedly and she just pulled my pants down and started riding me even though I was trying to push her off and safe-wording. I broke up with her in February but there's been drama and social bullshit ever sense. - -In addition, recently I got in an apartment fire for the second time in my life. This caused me to lose all my belongings. They are allegedly being cleaned but it's taking for fucking ever. This means I don't have many of my coping mechanisms, which is only adding to the stress. We had to stay at a hotel for a few nights and now we're in a new apartment but it's not the same. - - -But that's not all my shitty life has to offer! In addition I have medical debt. I also tried calling the suicide hotline the other day and the lady on the phone said ""what do you want me to do about it?!"" And later she hung up on me. - -Even aside from all the stuff I mentioned, there's several more recent incidents. I'm just to emotional to type it all up now. I honestly don't know what to do. I keep thinking that things will get better soon but the only get worse.",1,hello year old senior high school also adhd autism suicidal twice th th grade 0th grade possibly worst disaster started back september got diagnosed rare genetic disorder called nf everything heard disorder doctor online sound fucking horrible nothing want live october met first girlfriend happy bit course went south get right point relationship started made clear want sex agreed however later month talked november december asked multiple time day guilt tripped said made feel horrible january saying repeatedly pulled pant started riding even though trying push safe wording broke february drama social bullshit ever sense addition recently got apartment fire second time life caused lose belonging allegedly cleaned taking fucking ever mean many coping mechanism adding stress stay hotel night new apartment shitty life offer addition medical debt also tried calling suicide hotline day lady phone said want later hung even aside stuff mentioned several recent incident emotional type honestly know keep thinking thing get better soon get worse -"I graduated not too long ago, have work experience, and can't find a job for a long while now. I want to scream everyday. I see no end to this and my entire life has been a testament to how useless and garbage I am. I just don't want to exist anymore.",1,graduated long ago work experience find job long want scream everyday see end entire life testament useless garbage want exist anymore -"i (f17) attempted to take my life five days ago, it was my second serious attempt. i took a couple of pills and alchohol and walked out on my ledge. living on the fifteenth floor made it so much more easier. i spent all night out there, on call w a friend who managed to keeo me safe till i passed out. my dad was woken up at 3am by another friend of mine who tried entering my apartment and they pulled my back into my room unconscious. -my parents haven't spoken to me about it. theyve nailed my window shut and don't let me stay alone in my room. I'm getting a new psychiatrist, I'm not allowed out or allowed to hang w my friends after school. they also didn't let me skip school this whole week even though im still not fully recovered. -i feel like a prisoner in my own house. i get why they're doing it but they way they've gone about it only makes it worse. -to make matters worse it drove most of my friends away. a discord server that i considered my main support group won't let me back in unless i get better. most of my irl friends decided to give up on me, they told me they're done trying to help someone who doesn't wanna be helped. i feel like i have nothing good left in my life and I'm forced to live only cause my parents want me to. -everyone knows about my attempt at school and they don't seem to care either. they just look at me like I'm crazy and many of my classmates barely talk to me anymore. I've already been treated bad because of my selfharm scars, and rumours about my sex life and alchoholism. - -I'm forced to be sober, I'm grounded and have no privacy or freedom, no safe place, no one i can fully trust, and I'm still expected to be a fully functional person and do well at school by my parents. i don't know what to do anymore i feel hopeless and alone and just want it to end",1,f attempted take life five day ago second serious attempt took couple pill alchohol walked ledge living fifteenth floor made much easier spent night call w friend managed keeo safe till passed dad woken another friend mine tried entering apartment pulled back room unconscious parent spoken theyve nailed window shut let stay alone room getting new psychiatrist allowed allowed hang w friend school also let skip school whole week even though im still fully recovered feel like prisoner house get way gone make worse make matter worse drove friend away discord server considered main support group let back unless get better irl friend decided give told done trying help someone wan na helped feel like nothing good left life forced live cause parent want everyone know attempt school seem care either look like crazy many classmate barely talk anymore already treated bad selfharm scar rumour sex life alchoholism forced sober grounded privacy freedom safe place one fully trust still expected fully functional person well school parent know anymore feel hopeless alone want end -"I’m so tired of trying, and I know I’m not even trying that hard anymore. I used to be more enthusiastic, and put more effort in. But now even if the smallest things goes wrong I give up. I just don’t have the strength to try anymore. My self hatred has been getting worse. Nothing I do is good enough, I am continually disrespected by the people in my life. I just don’t see the point if I have to continue to struggle like this. I never asked to be born, so why do I have to continue suffering through life. I just want to lay down and wither away. I have no value anyway. I’m not convinced that I can continue to do this anymore.",1,tired trying know even trying hard anymore used enthusiastic put effort even smallest thing go wrong give strength try anymore self hatred getting worse nothing good enough continually disrespected people life see point continue struggle like never asked born continue suffering life want lay wither away value anyway convinced continue anymore -"please just end it please, ive tried od'ing, ive tried slitting my wrists, i cant do it right, just someone tell me the fastest and least painful way",1,please end please ive tried od ing ive tried slitting wrist cant right someone tell fastest least painful way -A strange calm came over me tonight and I realised this is what I have to. Everything hurts. Every single thing. I find everything so hard. I'm making this post just incase my daughter ever finds it. I do love you. So much. I'm sorry I couldn't help you and be the mother you deserved. I'm so sorry bird,1,strange calm came tonight realised everything hurt every single thing find everything hard making post incase daughter ever find love much sorry help mother deserved sorry bird -I just don’t know how much longer I can do this. Life is too much.,1,know much longer life much -Legit I am 13 yet I wanna end it. Bad parent (not my other one tho there good). Friends don’t even care and only talk to me if I talk to them \: yeah. And I’m trans. I didn’t ask to be born male did I. Fuck it.,1,legit yet wan na end bad parent one tho good friend even care talk talk yeah trans ask born male fuck -"I am on the verge of going absolutely insane. I cannot take being alive anymore I am a prisoner in my own life. I feel dead and so alive at the same everyone in my city at my age is either weird, rude, or awkward. - -Modern humans are weak impulsive and oblivious I hate my generation and I hate how the internet has ruined my life and so many others around me. - -I feel like I am living in hell and I want to die. Nobody is at my level nobody understands how hard I try - -every person alive is a weak worm that deserves to die.",1,verge going absolutely insane take alive anymore prisoner life feel dead alive everyone city age either weird rude awkward modern human weak impulsive oblivious hate generation hate internet ruined life many others around feel like living hell want die nobody level nobody understands hard try every person alive weak worm deserves die -" I was supposed to stab myself in the heart, in the desert in Joshua Tree, in November 2021. -I thought I was ready. -I decided not to because 1) I realized I’d probably have to stab myself more than one time and I knew I couldn’t mentally handle that. I felt depressed enough to stab myself but not psychotic enough to keep going, especially after physical shock. Also, part of me wanted to see if I could fix things and it was like I went on a mission with myself to see if life was worth it. If my life is worth living. - -The answer is no. It’s definitely no. -I want out. I want off this fucking ride. I wish things were different but they aren’t. - -I even went to the fucking hospital (VOLUNTARILY) for help, since my last post here. Absolute hellhole. I don’t even have words for you about what happened. Darkest week of my life. People are sick. I’m so much worse I can’t explain what’s happened - -It’s not like Gunnhild from Vikings, but I’m at the marina and someone abandoned their bonfire, left it all for me. I tried to give an older woman passing by the last of my cash cause she was picking up recyclables, she refused and was sweet. She said to not sit here at night, she was concerned that I’m young and “there’s crazy people out here”, no offense, but I’m the crazy person, ma’am. Sweet lady. - -I had asked God for a sign, I got a fucking sign. I told God, or the Universe or whatever, that to commit suicide I needed to be pushed. And I got just that. Tenfold. - -I’m proud of myself for pushing as hard as I did, for lasting this long. I don’t need to prove to other people I fought. I know I did, and I can rest better knowing i kept that promise to myself. - -I wish I had seen more of the world, and visited more cities, but I’ve had my fill of humanity. I can’t do it anymore. I hate the way people treat each other, how much bullshit is always involved. I’m tired. Worn out. No amount of sleep or rest touches this kind of tired. Hell is hell. - -I hope my next life is gentler. -I hope the tides are kinder. -I hope I receive love i never have to defend myself from. -I give myself peace now, because I cannot find it here. My life is obligated to no one & nothing else. Im truly sorry. - -Signing off, from one depressed person to whoever reads this, - -What happened to me mattered. - -Finally- -Good luck assholes.",1,supposed stab heart desert joshua tree november 0 thought ready decided realized probably stab one time knew mentally handle felt depressed enough stab psychotic enough keep going especially physical shock also part wanted see could fix thing like went mission see life worth life worth living answer definitely want want fucking ride wish thing different even went fucking hospital voluntarily help since last post absolute hellhole even word happened darkest week life people sick much worse explain happened like gunnhild viking marina someone abandoned bonfire left tried give older woman passing last cash cause picking recyclables refused sweet said sit night concerned young crazy people offense crazy person sweet lady asked god sign got fucking sign told god universe whatever commit suicide needed pushed got tenfold proud pushing hard lasting long need prove people fought know rest better knowing kept promise wish seen world visited city fill humanity anymore hate way people treat much bullshit always involved tired worn amount sleep rest touch kind tired hell hell hope next life gentler hope tide kinder hope receive love never defend give peace find life obligated one amp nothing else im truly sorry signing one depressed person whoever read happened mattered finally good luck asshole -"I'm not even gonna use an alt for all this shit any more -This account probably won't be active from now on. -I guess it's time to delete everything and sort things out one final time. -I'm tired -I'm done -I don't know if anyone will see this and I honestly don't care. -I mean, if you are reading this then it's just a waste of time just like me, I'll never change no matter what happens, sorry. - -Apparently it didn't take me too long to fuck up a new friendship not surprised. -I really did want to join and play games and all that shit -And try to talk to others/make friends -And help -but I can't be bothered and I don't try, that should be obvious. I'm a lazy little shit with no motivation to make things better. -I usually just laugh in text even if I'm not actually laughing to make the situation lighter or something idk. -Yeah I'm a mean person -You should hate me -You should just leave me alone -That'll be better for everyone -I'm actually surprised it lasted this long -I didn't really come her to rant -I don't know why I exactly came here -Or why I typed this -One of the many problems I just wanna say ig -Gonna leave the majority of depressing stuff out -I really hope you don't see this -I'll just leave at the end of this week when I'm done preparing. -I'll let you know exactly when I'm leaving in a subtle way as to not make you sad again. -ahahh... -I've tried, not a lot I can't remember the exact number they obviously didn't work out and I never got caught -Pathetic, right? -Sorry -But I'm gonna make sure it works this time around no matter what. -That was my last try at friendship -Or anything else as a matter of fact -I guess I'm just not suited for this stuff and life -My personality is absolutely shit -I wish I didn't get attached for useless reasons and then not try at all -I made you feel like hell -I'm absolutely shit -I know I am -Everything you said is correct -I read every last bit -Live well -Have fun -Byebye! - - :)",1,even gon na use alt shit account probably active guess time delete everything sort thing one final time tired done know anyone see honestly care mean reading waste time like never change matter happens sorry apparently take long fuck new friendship surprised really want join play game shit try talk others make friend help bothered try obvious lazy little shit motivation make thing better usually laugh text even actually laughing make situation lighter something idk yeah mean person hate leave alone better everyone actually surprised lasted long really come rant know exactly came typed one many problem wan na say ig gon na leave majority depressing stuff really hope see leave end week done preparing let know exactly leaving subtle way make sad ahahh tried lot remember exact number obviously work never got caught pathetic right sorry gon na make sure work time around matter last try friendship anything else matter fact guess suited stuff life personality absolutely shit wish get attached useless reason try made feel like hell absolutely shit know everything said correct read every last bit live well fun byebye -,1,nan -"I know a lot of people are like “you’ll get over him over time” and shit like that, but he was the best thing to have happened to me. At this point, it’s not even love, it’s way more than that. I put him up on a pedestal and admired him. He made me so happy. I’m not close with any of my friends or family, but with him I was the most comfortable. My world revolved around him because he deserves the world and more. The way he helped me when I was at my worst made me feel so appreciated. I can go on and on, hours and hours, years and years talking about the love I have for him, but no words can fully express it. - -But of course, he left me, and it’s all my fault. He told me he didn’t see himself being happy in the long run due to how high-maintenance I was. That broke me. In just a second my whole world is gone and it’s all my fault. I just wish I could reverse time and change the way I acted. - -The only thing stopping me from committing suicide is the fact that we can still get back together, but I just feel so hopeless right now. I have had hopeless and suicidal thoughts before, but he always was by my side and helped me through it all. Now without him, I basically have nothing. - -All I want right now is him. I’ll give up anything for him- i’ll give up my phone, all my money, my academic achievements, even my body parts for him. He is all I want and all I see and it’s killing me. And I feel so fucking selfish for that. He said he wouldn’t be happy with me in the long run and here I am begging for him back. I’m so mad at myself for making him feel unhappy yet still wanting to be with him. He deserves more than me, but I still want him. I can’t live without him, and I can’t live with myself. - -I just want to talk to someone who went through/is going through the same experience as me. I feel stupid for putting my whole world into someone’s hands, but it felt like they deserved my whole world. I feel so alone.",1,know lot people like get time shit like best thing happened point even love way put pedestal admired made happy close friend family comfortable world revolved around deserves world way helped worst made feel appreciated go hour hour year year talking love word fully express course left fault told see happy long run due high maintenance broke second whole world gone fault wish could reverse time change way acted thing stopping committing suicide fact still get back together feel hopeless right hopeless suicidal thought always side helped without basically nothing want right give anything give phone money academic achievement even body part want see killing feel fucking selfish said happy long run begging back mad making feel unhappy yet still wanting deserves still want live without live want talk someone went going experience feel stupid putting whole world someone hand felt like deserved whole world feel alone -why am i still alive? i havent done anything with my life other than eat and leech of my parents and im already 23. Why am i still here?,1,still alive havent done anything life eat leech parent im already still -"This way the people clearing out this flat will have less work,I dont want to cause more work than nessecary",1,way people clearing flat le work dont want cause work nessecary -"The only thing that's keeping me from ending it all is because it would upset my family. - -I seriously don't know what to do. I lack ambition. And that lack of ambition goes too well with my lazy habits. - -I'm stuck taking care of my diabetic mother, that doesn't really leave much for a social life. My siblings have their own lives with their partners. My dad is off with his secret family or something. - -I've deleted my FB account years ago because I was sick of seeing every one of my HS friends being better off, but I think I just isolated myself further and ended up worse for it. - -I feel lately like I'm just gonna snap. I end up crying at night and I don't remember why afterwards. - -Trying out new things is a bit limited with budget and me being ashamed of leeching off my siblings. - -Dropped out of college twice since 2014? 2015?",1,thing keeping ending would upset family seriously know lack ambition lack ambition go well lazy habit stuck taking care diabetic mother really leave much social life sibling life partner dad secret family something deleted fb account year ago sick seeing every one h friend better think isolated ended worse feel lately like gon na snap end cry night remember afterwards trying new thing bit limited budget ashamed leeching sibling dropped college twice since 0 0 -"this doesnt feel real anymore. i dont feel like myself. everything is the absolute worst it can be and it just doesnt feel right to be ""alive"". i feel like im in a coma or a dream and i'll just wake up when this is all over. i just want that to happen as soon as possible",1,doesnt feel real anymore dont feel like everything absolute worst doesnt feel right alive feel like im coma dream wake want happen soon possible -I’ve been wanting to kill myself for a while but I tried to be strong and I kept fighting it I kept looking for a calling something to give my life meaning and everytime I think I got it it’s just ripped away and I’m slapped by reality I’m tired of it. The longer I stay alive the more I just drain the energy from the people I love killing myself would hurt them emotionally for sure but logically it be the best thing for them no more worrying about the loser.,1,wanting kill tried strong kept fighting kept looking calling something give life meaning everytime think got ripped away slapped reality tired longer stay alive drain energy people love killing would hurt emotionally sure logically best thing worrying loser -"I've been suicidal since 6th grade. I've never fit in any crowd. And my mind subconsciously mirror people I'm talking to because of trauma, and now idk who tf I really am. I don't remember 70% of my life. Even the bits and pieces I remember are of abuse and trauma. My mind is a terrible place and I can't escape it. After fighting for 24 years, I'm done. I have no hope or fight left in me. It sucks cause I was so close to have all I ever wanted. A good research career, someone who'd love me as I am, a fresh start in a new country. But my parents fucked everything up. They will never let me live my life peacefully. And tbh, I too don't really wanna fight anymore. - -People always say I'm strong. But it's pathetic that I've spent all my childhood, teenage and adulthood trying and learning to be strong, so I could withstand more abuse. While others had fun, had hobbies, learned new skills, travelled, loved and lived. My strength just got me more scars and more trauma. It's stupid really. - -Anyways, all my life I fought for a way out. Now my dad just like that blocked it and I can't do much about it. I'm so furious at this world and my parents and everyone who bullied and abused me into killing myself. They've won a lot of times. It's just another win for them. And it'll give eternal freedom for me. So I think no one got nothing to lose. - -I'm planning to kill myself after I made sure my death is gonna put all of my abusive family members into jail. I'm gonna collect evidences. It might sound cruel but idgaf. - -I just wanted to vent it out. Not seeking for advice.",1,suicidal since th grade never fit crowd mind subconsciously mirror people talking trauma idk tf really remember 0 life even bit piece remember abuse trauma mind terrible place escape fighting year done hope fight left suck cause close ever wanted good research career someone love fresh start new country parent fucked everything never let live life peacefully tbh really wan na fight anymore people always say strong pathetic spent childhood teenage adulthood trying learning strong could withstand abuse others fun hobby learned new skill travelled loved lived strength got scar trauma stupid really anyways life fought way dad like blocked much furious world parent everyone bullied abused killing lot time another win give eternal freedom think one got nothing lose planning kill made sure death gon na put abusive family member jail gon na collect evidence might sound cruel idgaf wanted vent seeking advice -Would anyone rlly care if i killed myself?,1,would anyone rlly care killed -"I lost my ambition when I was 17 somewhat, and now we’re 20 going on 21, failed everything, don’t know what to do or who to talk to. I told myself in September that if I end up in the same position I was in the year prior, I’d kill myself, seeing as I was unable to find some shred of purpose then. Time has repeated itself and now, I’m obviously anxious about it, but I don’t know if I can find another purpose because of the backlash I would receive from my family for wasting their time. I told myself things would be different but they never changed even if I tried my best to change them. So if this is my last post, then it’s my last post; I chose Reddit. I just hope in the next life (if there is one) that God at least gives me more willpower and/or intelligence because I honestly cannot traverse this planet in this meatbag.",1,lost ambition somewhat 0 going failed everything know talk told september end position year prior kill seeing unable find shred purpose time repeated obviously anxious know find another purpose backlash would receive family wasting time told thing would different never changed even tried best change last post last post chose reddit hope next life one god least give willpower intelligence honestly traverse planet meatbag -"I beginning to think, more and more, that I am not suited for this life thing. I don't think I was ever meant to find happiness, peace, in this lifetime. I think I was set up to fail from the start. - -I want the deepest of connections while I was born with the frailest of hearts. The slightest touch I bruise; a little pressure and I bleed. There's no way this is going to work. There's only a buildup of crushed expectations as I stuff myself back into the darkness, deeper each time. I won't last much longer. Never in my life has anyone needed or wanted me as much as I, them. And that hurts. - -I cling to the smallest of gestures. Am I crazy? To think ""I'm thankful to have met you"" means being appreciated, human to human? I just want a piece of that closeness everyone else seems to have. I just don't want to be alone. For once, not to be other. Is that too much to ask for? Or, do I not deserve it? - -What's the point? I'm never going to feel fulfilled in this lifetime anyways.",1,beginning think suited life thing think ever meant find happiness peace lifetime think set fail start want deepest connection born frailest heart slightest touch bruise little pressure bleed way going work buildup crushed expectation stuff back darkness deeper time last much longer never life anyone needed wanted much hurt cling smallest gesture crazy think thankful met mean appreciated human human want piece closeness everyone else seems want alone much ask deserve point never going feel fulfilled lifetime anyways -"Im planning to do it myself in the future and Im so fucking happy that you have the choice to end it all whenever you want -I feel happy knowing this are the last couple of years and then every shitty thing is going to disappear. And no my problem have no solution its not something It could be changed. Im just afraid about the pain It could cause me in the last minutes. But better get minutes of pain than years of a shitty life.",1,im planning future im fucking happy choice end whenever want feel happy knowing last couple year every shitty thing going disappear problem solution something could changed im afraid pain could cause last minute better get minute pain year shitty life -"Got my loan. I'm officially $90k in debt. - -Now I can't die with a clean conscience. -Dying would put all that debt on my wife. I mean I have life insurance, and if it happens to be an accident I think its double.. so financially she should be fine, assuming i don't get fired first. But now.. my mood is just shitty. Before I was okay with dying, now I feel just as much a burden alive than I do dead. I wrote this before but there is a certain freedom in coming to terms with death. A calm malaise.. that feels good. Like everything and everyone doesn't matter.",1,got loan officially 90k debt die clean conscience dying would put debt wife mean life insurance happens accident think double financially fine assuming get fired first mood shitty okay dying feel much burden alive dead wrote certain freedom coming term death calm malaise feel good like everything everyone matter -"I don’t understand, I got the dream girl and I’m doing so good. Why do I still want to die, why does it still seem so appealing?",1,understand got dream girl good still want die still seem appealing -I’m feeling so hopeless right about now and just want to be free of this pain I’m going through. Nothing seems to be going right for me and it sucks. I want to get off of this damn ride and be done with it all.,1,feeling hopeless right want free pain going nothing seems going right suck want get damn ride done -can’t wait,1,wait -"Yesterday when I woke up I made my final decision to take my own life. I have thought it over, and even though there may be other options I decided that I am ready to just simply give up, as the ongoing struggle has made me decide it’s not worth the pain. - -I haven’t felt anything but numbness for years. I’ve become obese. My body is in terrible shape. I’ve battled with addiction, but somewhat recently Ive started to get over it. When I finally thought that was going well and started to be proud, I was met with people who didn’t seem impressed and moreso judged the small victories I felt, i guess because they didn’t realize just how bad my situation was. Three weeks off of hard drugs was a major milestone for me, but people said it wasn’t good enough and that I was pathetic for thinking it was impressive. I don’t see a bright side as I am finishing college, even though I was given a great job offer, because I would just be continuing a life in a city where everyone hates me while I can work a lot and be miserable. I am not the type to go out and leave on my own, I would do nothing but recluse myself and probably miss home if I moved away. - -I recently came to the realization that outside of the people that are friends with me, my public perception is very much that I am a loser. My antics have made people that used to consider me a friend not even like me as a person. A girl I used to love decided to lead me on somewhat recently, just to tell me her friends and everyone else hate me and that she would never consider dating me. This was essentially my tipping point. - -I have decided that Thursday night, when I am returning from a work trip, I am going to park my car on the way home by a bridge. I am going to start drinking heavily. I will make it look like I lost control as I drive through the rail, and into the water. Those that know me will find this heartbreaking, but ultimately not shocking, and devastating, in the way a suicide might affect them. They will be able to cope with the loss without wondering if it was their fault. - -The only flaw in my plan is I have written a note to be left with my closest friend, because one thing I can’t do is leave without letting him know how much I appreciated everything he’s done for me. I simply cannot do that, but that is one thing that might ruin the hidden intent of my actions.",1,yesterday woke made final decision take life thought even though may option decided ready simply give ongoing struggle made decide worth pain felt anything numbness year become obese body terrible shape battled addiction somewhat recently ive started get finally thought going well started proud met people seem impressed moreso judged small victory felt guess realize bad situation three week hard drug major milestone people said good enough pathetic thinking impressive see bright side finishing college even though given great job offer would continuing life city everyone hate work lot miserable type go leave would nothing recluse probably miss home moved away recently came realization outside people friend public perception much loser antic made people used consider friend even like person girl used love decided lead somewhat recently tell friend everyone else hate would never consider dating essentially tipping point decided thursday night returning work trip going park car way home bridge going start drinking heavily make look like lost control drive rail water know find heartbreaking ultimately shocking devastating way suicide might affect able cope loss without wondering fault flaw plan written note left closest friend one thing leave without letting know much appreciated everything done simply one thing might ruin hidden intent action -"This has ruined my life; the only thing keeping me from killing myself is my baby boy. His mother manipulates me; she's emotionally abusive, and I don't know how to stand up to her. I can't. I'm so afraid she'll take him away from me. I can't keep doing this, and I can't kill myself, but I think I will. I think he'll be better off without me. I'm a mess, my finances are a mess, my emotions, I can barely take care of my own things. I'm in so much turmoil, I constantly fantasize about offing myself, and every few days I sit there with a gun to my head and I just can't do it, I think of my boy and then the pain is worse. - -FYI, we were engaged, and shit fell apart for good last year, October. We still live together because we have a lease on a house, and housing right now is a bitch, nothing available. So... I'm trapped here.",1,ruined life thing keeping killing baby boy mother manipulates emotionally abusive know stand afraid take away keep kill think think better without mess finance mess emotion barely take care thing much turmoil constantly fantasize offing every day sit gun head think boy pain worse fyi engaged shit fell apart good last year october still live together lease house housing right bitch nothing available trapped -In my profile. If you want to read it.,1,profile want read -"5-16-22 -that’s when i’ll do it. one month after i turn 18, i’ll take my parents car out to a shed and block the exhaust pipe. i’ll leave it running and take a bunch of pills and fall asleep in the back seat. a peaceful way to go out. i hope it works. i can’t wait",1,one month turn take parent car shed block exhaust pipe leave running take bunch pill fall asleep back seat peaceful way go hope work wait -"Last time I attempted I failed for like the 6th time and I’m NOT going to mess up another one. This time is going to be my last so I hope y’all will stop worrying about me because I don’t deserve it. And I’m not worth worrying about. It’s going to happen today or tomorrow, most likely tomorrow though. Bye.",1,last time attempted failed like th time going mess another one time going last hope stop worrying deserve worth worrying going happen today tomorrow likely tomorrow though bye -,1,nan -"I have 0 success in life, even duo I was given every opportunity to grow myself. I strugglecwith my mental health for about 8 years now (I'm 21 at the moment), every year I hope things will change for good, but every time I feel immense disappointment. -I can't find any reasons to continue living. With every breath of air I feel like poison fill my lungs. Most of my days I stare blankly at a random space, imaging my death. I crave to die, life consists of little to no joy. -Why is suicide considered a cowardly act? I believe the opposite is true, as the one who kills himself chooses to die in his own circumstances. Imagine how much power it takes to jump off a building or cut one own veins vertically . - -I recently cutted my wrist horizentaly, just a little bit, I wanted to see blood, to feel pain. I felt so connected with reality , what an amazing experience. -Pain is my only way to remember I'm alive, physical pain also help me forget of my failures, of who I'm , an empty shell who keeps existing, a zombie who just want to be buried again. - -If God exists, we are all his slaves",1,0 success life even duo given every opportunity grow strugglecwith mental health year moment every year hope thing change good every time feel immense disappointment find reason continue living every breath air feel like poison fill lung day stare blankly random space imaging death crave die life consists little joy suicide considered cowardly act believe opposite true one kill chooses die circumstance imagine much power take jump building cut one vein vertically recently cutted wrist horizentaly little bit wanted see blood feel pain felt connected reality amazing experience pain way remember alive physical pain also help forget failure empty shell keep existing zombie want buried god exists slave -I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore I can't even remember what it's like to be normal it's felt like I've been in hell i need it to end now,1,know supposed anymore even remember like normal felt like hell need end -ive wanted to go for a while now and im just getting tired honestly i hope ill find a way before 3 years because i dont wanna live much longer n i really dont have a future ahead of me,1,ive wanted go im getting tired honestly hope ill find way year dont wan na live much longer n really dont future ahead -,1,nan -"This isn't the normal kind of post I would write and my followers are probably going to leave because of this, but here I am. Most of the time, I have the thoughts in passing, ""If I were dead I wouldn't have to deal with all of this"" or ""life is just too hard, I wish I wasn't here."" - -Lately things in my life have gotten really bad. I had a miscarriage in January. It sucked because my husband and I had been trying to get pregnant for a long time, and had been told that it wasn't going to be possible without intervention or weight loss or both. But there we were, pregnant, and all of a sudden, not pregnant. - -I spent the last year dealing with some drama at work that took me over the edge more than a few times. I wanted to kill myself so badly, but I never told anyone about it. I'd mention to my therapist that I was having the suicidal thoughts, and he'd check in, but I reassured him that I'd be ok. And he would remind me of all the times I had been here before and gotten out of it. - -Now I'm looking at a tough situation at home. I am not going to go into detail about it, but things are hard at the moment, and I find myself feeling trapped, unwanted, and like more of an annoyance than anything. It SUCKS to feel that way in your own home. I honestly don't know what I'm doing any more, and the suicidal thoughts are getting more real and more pervasive. - -I am finding it hard to stay in a good place. I'm finding it hard to think logically about it. All I feel is desperation and a strong desire to just end it. To be done with the fight of having to live with constant depression and anxiety. Just having rest from that would be a relief, but also....I know I shouldn't do it. - -Life sucks and it shouldn't be this hard. - - -Wish I could feel loved, supported, and like my life actually matters, yet here I am.",1,normal kind post would write follower probably going leave time thought passing dead deal life hard wish lately thing life gotten really bad miscarriage january sucked husband trying get pregnant long time told going possible without intervention weight loss pregnant sudden pregnant spent last year dealing drama work took edge time wanted kill badly never told anyone mention therapist suicidal thought check reassured ok would remind time gotten looking tough situation home going go detail thing hard moment find feeling trapped unwanted like annoyance anything suck feel way home honestly know suicidal thought getting real pervasive finding hard stay good place finding hard think logically feel desperation strong desire end done fight live constant depression anxiety rest would relief also know life suck hard wish could feel loved supported like life actually matter yet -"Over the past few months I've felt like shit. I've been tired, lonely, and the depressed and on the verge of just doing it. I've had multiple occasions where parents haven't been home and I'm just sitting there thinking about committing to doing it. I can't handle the pressure of everyone around, i feel like no body would really care even if I did end it all. I don't have many friends and verbally abusive family members. (Brother and mom) I feel like nobody would miss me. I'm told several times a day at school to kms and that no body would care. I have alot of child hood trauma from growing up that I don't want to get into. My home life and school is very verbally abusive to me. I get shoved into lockers at school, jumped. One kid even broke my tibia in the hallway. I'm never happy and haven't been happy in several years. As soon as I get happy i go back to having bad thoughts again. For example, today my mom was out picking up furniture and I was at home watching TV. She was out for at least an hour at this point but then a little bit after I just had the sudden urge to do it. I then called mom and tolled her that i threw up which was a lie so she could come home and stop me from hurting myself. Tomorrow I'm going to tell her everything that has been happening and hopefully getting some therapy and medication. Do you guys have any suggestions for what I could do to be a little more happier sometimes?",1,past month felt like shit tired lonely depressed verge multiple occasion parent home sitting thinking committing handle pressure everyone around feel like body would really care even end many friend verbally abusive family member brother mom feel like nobody would miss told several time day school km body would care alot child hood trauma growing want get home life school verbally abusive get shoved locker school jumped one kid even broke tibia hallway never happy happy several year soon get happy go back bad thought example today mom picking furniture home watching tv least hour point little bit sudden urge called mom tolled threw lie could come home stop hurting tomorrow going tell everything happening hopefully getting therapy medication guy suggestion could little happier sometimes -"I hate myself. I've dreamed about finally gathering the courage to end my life for about 7 years. I have everything I need. My basic needs are met, all paid by my caring family. I'm finishing a college degree, also fully paid by my parents. I feel weak and pathetic. I see people with real issues, traumatic shit, who go on with their lives, while I'm sitting here wanting to end my life without a reason. Why do I feel like this. It feels invalid; I've never faced adversity. Every second of my life I've spent tearing myself apart. The only reason I haven't jumped in front of the Metro is that I'm scared to end up quadriplegic; I'm scared of everyone finding out that despite having my life served to me on a platter I still want to die. I feel pathetic, small and alone, and I'm scared I'm starting to lose control of it. Before suicide felt like a refuge or a safe place to escape if necessary, but now it's overwhelming and persistent. I don't want to feel like this anymore, but I can't stop it. Everything I do feels wrong. I've isolated myself from everyone, and by the time I realized how lonely I felt I couldn't find the courage to reach out. Despite having everything given to me I feel like a failure and I hate everything about myself. Self-loathing has become the only way I interact with who I am and everything I do. I feel like I don't deserve help. I've never faced adversity. I'm scared of failing to kill myself, but I can't stop thinking about it.",1,hate dreamed finally gathering courage end life year everything need basic need met paid caring family finishing college degree also fully paid parent feel weak pathetic see people real issue traumatic shit go life sitting wanting end life without reason feel like feel invalid never faced adversity every second life spent tearing apart reason jumped front metro scared end quadriplegic scared everyone finding despite life served platter still want die feel pathetic small alone scared starting lose control suicide felt like refuge safe place escape necessary overwhelming persistent want feel like anymore stop everything feel wrong isolated everyone time realized lonely felt find courage reach despite everything given feel like failure hate everything self loathing become way interact everything feel like deserve help never faced adversity scared failing kill stop thinking -,1,nan -"Title should've been ""will it work"" - -Within the hour, I'll electrocute myself. I'll sit with my feet under salt water. One end of the electrical wire will be under water and the other plugged in the outlet. Will it work?",1,title work within hour electrocute sit foot salt water one end electrical wire water plugged outlet work -"I didn't think I'd end up posting here but here it is. I feel like I've exhausted all options in life. I've tried to combat loneliness, I have. I've gotten involved with clubs of interest, I've done martial arts, I've initiated conversation.. I'm so close to just ending it man. - -I've hit lows many times before, but this time is different because I fucking tried to make things different. I meet someone, we connect and end up hanging out, and then they fade away unless I initiate. - - I've had ""friends"" flake repeatedly after I've invited them numerous times or people that don't invite me out after I had done so in the first place yadda yadda. - - -Hell, this all started at the beginning of this year when I realized how people viewed me at my martial arts gym. The coaches thought I was arrogant because I silently carried myself with newfound confidence in life, so I fucking left. - -Point is, I've gotten no reciprocation, even after they've shown genuine interest. I've gotten with a girl a while ago that I still fucking think about. Knew her for less than a month before I made a move..she was interested and we made out multiple times. - -I had ""friends"" and I got with this hot girl, so it seemed things were finally coming together. - - -I ask her out and she enthusiastically accepts. The day before the date she rescinds and wants to be friends instead. Haven't seen her since. That was 6 damn months ago man. Story of my life. - - -I've got no family, no friends. 23 years old. I feel nothing anymore. Been lifting for years and getting stronger and I feel nothing. No interest in shit. Felt confident in myself until recently, since I guess isolation took it's toll. - - -As I said, I've been through this before, but I'm sick and tired of it. Now that I know that I've tried, I can be at peace with ending my life.",1,think end posting feel like exhausted option life tried combat loneliness gotten involved club interest done martial art initiated conversation close ending man hit low many time time different fucking tried make thing different meet someone connect end hanging fade away unless initiate friend flake repeatedly invited numerous time people invite done first place yadda yadda hell started beginning year realized people viewed martial art gym coach thought arrogant silently carried newfound confidence life fucking left point gotten reciprocation even shown genuine interest gotten girl ago still fucking think knew le month made move interested made multiple time friend got hot girl seemed thing finally coming together ask enthusiastically accepts day date rescinds want friend instead seen since damn month ago man story life got family friend year old feel nothing anymore lifting year getting stronger feel nothing interest shit felt confident recently since guess isolation took toll said sick tired know tried peace ending life -"What is the point of going on when your parents don't like you, your friends are nonexistent, and your school is the most unsupportive and toxic place you could be in? - -I'm not loved by anyone, I doubt I will be, so forever I'll be alone. I might as well take all the pills in the house, nobody will have cared about me anyways.",1,point going parent like friend nonexistent school unsupportive toxic place could loved anyone doubt forever alone might well take pill house nobody cared anyways -"I have never been a good person. - -I think being a bad person was hard wired into me and I don’t think I can separate myself from the bad. I’ve done unspeakable, unforgivable things that I can’t atone for. I’m both a bully and a coward with so many issues that my therapist couldn’t find a solution. - -I’ve written tons of letters so people can understand my exact thought process and why I need to do this. It doesn’t even make me sad anymore, it just feels like something that needs to happen.",1,never good person think bad person hard wired think separate bad done unspeakable unforgivable thing atone bully coward many issue therapist find solution written ton letter people understand exact thought process need even make sad anymore feel like something need happen -,1,nan -My boyfriend then dad and mom passed away all within a year of each other. I have tried to move on but the grief is immense. Also I just lost my job and am about to run out of money. I just can’t take it anymore and I want to be with my family who I loved very much. I have a plan and am thinking about going to the desert where no one would find me. This is sad and I can’t even afford a therapist anymore because insurance is too expensive. I’m not ok.,1,boyfriend dad mom passed away within year tried move grief immense also lost job run money take anymore want family loved much plan thinking going desert one would find sad even afford therapist anymore insurance expensive ok -"Don't want to live anymore, I'm tired of this. I'm tired of being in society and having to be with people. Just want to be left alone forever. Fuck everything, I'm a failure.",1,want live anymore tired tired society people want left alone forever fuck everything failure -Title pretty much,1,title pretty much -"I’m fucking done trying. Everything hurts. I’m tired of being a loser at life and being myself. I’m just tired of trying so hard with recovery and feeling like no matter what I’m not really meant to recover. Like my mind has been set on suicide and death for so long that I feel so lost without it. I am just a fucking failure okay. I failed at life. I’m a 27 year old loser who really fucked up his life beyond repair and I see no way out besides death. If we get graded for how we did in life I’d get a big fat fucking F. I know I only started recently and I should take things slow and take things day by day, blah blah blah, but at the end of the day I’m still me and I can’t live with myself. - -I truly wish my mother could understand that I really can’t live being me anymore. I feel so claustrophobic inside my own self with so much self hate and rage as though I could explode. I wish I could collapse or sink inside myself wandering aimlessly and wondering how did things happen to be like this? How did my life become such a fucked up mess? It’s all just so overwhelming I can’t fathom how I’m going to keep this recovery facade up any longer. Was this just a reminder of how pathetic I’ve become? Is recovery just another way of pretending to be something I’m not? I don’t know anymore. I just want to cry without end. I am tired of being like this. I’m tired of being me. What can I do? What the fuck can I do? I feel so lost and broken. - -You see maybe some people just never were meant for life no matter what. After being like this for years death is all that matters to me and once death becomes your everything it’s hard to turn back. I don’t know what to do besides kill myself tonight.",1,fucking done trying everything hurt tired loser life tired trying hard recovery feeling like matter really meant recover like mind set suicide death long feel lost without fucking failure okay failed life year old loser really fucked life beyond repair see way besides death get graded life get big fat fucking f know started recently take thing slow take thing day day blah blah blah end day still live truly wish mother could understand really live anymore feel claustrophobic inside self much self hate rage though could explode wish could collapse sink inside wandering aimlessly wondering thing happen like life become fucked mess overwhelming fathom going keep recovery facade longer reminder pathetic become recovery another way pretending something know anymore want cry without end tired like tired fuck feel lost broken see maybe people never meant life matter like year death matter death becomes everything hard turn back know besides kill tonight -"I simply don’t care anymore… they took away the reason I began to feel hope in living again. I don’t trust anyone, I just feel the world is a horrible place. I just want to die and find peace. I can’t handle anymore this feeling of hopelessness, anxiousness and resentment. I hate living and I hate everyone. I’m just a fucking burden… I can’t even find the courage to end it all. Sometimes can’t believe I’ve become that miserable�� people my age are excited to begin their lives and I just want it to end right now. We are just slaves of a system that exploits us, what’s the fucking point of trying anyways? Pls someone help me",1,simply care anymore took away reason began feel hope living trust anyone feel world horrible place want die find peace handle anymore feeling hopelessness anxiousness resentment hate living hate everyone fucking burden even find courage end sometimes believe become miserable people age excited begin life want end right slave system exploit u fucking point trying anyways pls someone help -"tw: childhood abuse, abandonment, addiction, emotional neglect (i think that what its called?) and, sibling abuse - -ive dealt with the favoritism of my sister since i was 5. she was diagnosed with adhd, and therefore needed more attention than i have ever received. she stopped being my dads favorite after she started criticizing his addiction, but that was around 3-4 years later. i grew up taking care of myself, my own needs, i had nobody. it became worse when my dads addiction did, he was nicer to me than my mom, who really used me as her own punching bag by screaming at me for anything, and everything. my dad fully forgot about me. he was my only friend in the family, even though, like my mom, he did care about my sister more. but having somebody less bad, was better than having nobody. - -my sister starting abusing me when i was 10, she was 12. her mental health was really bad, making my mom cater to her even more than shes already done. now my little attention, turned into none. my sister could (and still can) do anything to me, and would get away scot free. she physically, mentally and emotionally abused me, and i was only told to “suck it up” and to just “move on”. this has gone on for the next 4 years of my life, my dad moved out around 2 years ago, not without leaving me with another set of trauma. - -now, im dealing with cptsd. although my sister has gotten somewhat better (she would constantly run away, did drugs, physically hurt everyone in the family and more) but shes insanely rude, due to my mom letting her do whatever she wants, and also extremely aggressive. i started doing a lot worse. im always extremely irritable and angry, and ive been dealing with lots of anxiety and severe depression. i see a therapist, im working hard to get through my trauma, but my mother only believes that i should be fine. that even after dealing with abuse, and being fucking ignored my entire childhood, that i should be a-okay, and act like a normal 14 year old. - -she continues to get angry at me for my outbursts (which i understand), but will then tell me that she “doesnt understand why” and will then tell me how awful i am, and how i dont do anything. she doesnt understand that i have lost interest in many things, and refuses to let me take mental health breaks, because for some reason in her fucking mind, i dont need them. all she does is tell me how awful i am, how i dont do enough, how we dont have any money, all of this bullshit. im not allowed to stand up to my sister, because when she attacks me, even after ive done nothing, its all my fault. (she one time attacked me over fucking brownies. BROWNIES??) - -im guilt ridden and tired. living feels pointless to me at this point. i have nothing going for me, and what feels like nobody. i dont why ive stayed this long, maybe its sheer fate, or some stupid reason that i cant put my finger on. i know that soon enough, ill be suicidal again, as surprise surprise! going through this much trauma makes people want to kill themselves. im aware that ill have to spend the next what, 500000 years trying to overcome my trauma, but i just wish that my mother would be there for me, because if she was truly there, i would want to live. i just want her to finally love me.",1,tw childhood abuse abandonment addiction emotional neglect think called sibling abuse ive dealt favoritism sister since diagnosed adhd therefore needed attention ever received stopped dad favorite started criticizing addiction around year later grew taking care need nobody became worse dad addiction nicer mom really used punching bag screaming anything everything dad fully forgot friend family even though like mom care sister somebody le bad better nobody sister starting abusing 0 mental health really bad making mom cater even shes already done little attention turned none sister could still anything would get away scot free physically mentally emotionally abused told suck move gone next year life dad moved around year ago without leaving another set trauma im dealing cptsd although sister gotten somewhat better would constantly run away drug physically hurt everyone family shes insanely rude due mom letting whatever want also extremely aggressive started lot worse im always extremely irritable angry ive dealing lot anxiety severe depression see therapist im working hard get trauma mother belief fine even dealing abuse fucking ignored entire childhood okay act like normal year old continues get angry outburst understand tell doesnt understand tell awful dont anything doesnt understand lost interest many thing refuse let take mental health break reason fucking mind dont need tell awful dont enough dont money bullshit im allowed stand sister attack even ive done nothing fault one time attacked fucking brownie brownie im guilt ridden tired living feel pointless point nothing going feel like nobody dont ive stayed long maybe sheer fate stupid reason cant put finger know soon enough ill suicidal surprise surprise going much trauma make people want kill im aware ill spend next 00000 year trying overcome trauma wish mother would truly would want live want finally love -"No matter the progress I seem to make, regardless of how happy I feel, and the more ""successful"" my life becomes, in spite of all this when I lay my head down to sleep, my first thoughts are always taking my own life. I've lost count of the times I've imagined shooting myself through the mouth or taking a shotgun and blowing my head off into the lake. These thoughts are persistent and nagging and feel as though with each passing day they become closer to reality. I don't believe this will happen in the immediate future, but it does seem an inevitably that will happen in 5-10 years time. I've started to even think of a framework of how it should go. Write the letters, say my last words to friends and loved ones, make confession to a priest, set a firm date and decide on the method. I wonder if by writing this I bridge the gap even further...",1,matter progress seem make regardless happy feel successful life becomes spite lay head sleep first thought always taking life lost count time imagined shooting mouth taking shotgun blowing head lake thought persistent nagging feel though passing day become closer reality believe happen immediate future seem inevitably happen 0 year time started even think framework go write letter say last word friend loved one make confession priest set firm date decide method wonder writing bridge gap even -"I have money for 1 or 2 more months rent. Then I'll be on the street. I'm in crippling debt. I've been drinking nonstop for the last 5 days. When I hit the street, I'm going to start using fentanyl again. Where I'll inevitably OD and die at some point. - -Is there any hope for people like me? People that hurt everyone around them. Destroy everything they touch. I've dug my own grave. I'm sure people want me dead anyway. Eh, fuck this noise.",1,money month rent street crippling debt drinking nonstop last day hit street going start using fentanyl inevitably od die point hope people like people hurt everyone around destroy everything touch dug grave sure people want dead anyway eh fuck noise -"Friend just attempted to jump off a building approx 3hrs ago, though he’s fine atm, he blocked literally most if not all ppl’s contact to him - -And of course there’s fucking omicron so I physically can’t go see him right away - -Can i get some advice here on what to do in this situation? - -Edit 1: It got slightly better now as he’s at least turned back up on his social media",1,friend attempted jump building approx hr ago though fine atm blocked literally ppl contact course fucking omicron physically go see right away get advice situation edit got slightly better least turned back social medium -I want it to end I can trucking take it. I want to end it all. I can’t do this. I can’t keep surviving like this. I feel like I’m drowning. All my emotions all the work all the people in my life. It makes me feel so alone and tired. I don’t want to be here. I can’t even reach out to anyone I know and it fucking sucks.,1,want end trucking take want end keep surviving like feel like drowning emotion work people life make feel alone tired want even reach anyone know fucking suck -"I'm starting to think I'm probably suicidal, but I don't really notice it if that makes any sense. I do things like overdose on medication, I say it's to get high, but honestly I don't think that's my intention anymore. I feel like I just don't give a shit about my life. - -I fried my brain smoking weed and had a psychotic break, and my therapist implies that I'm stupid. I hate myself, and I just want to fucking off myself once and for all. Who knows, I might be going insane and I just don't give a shit anymore, my life feels like trash even though I had every opportunity in the world to improve myself. I feel like a complete failure, and and idiot that deserves death. I just don't care, I don't give a shit, I never did, and I never will.",1,starting think probably suicidal really notice make sense thing like overdose medication say get high honestly think intention anymore feel like give shit life fried brain smoking weed psychotic break therapist implies stupid hate want fucking know might going insane give shit anymore life feel like trash even though every opportunity world improve feel like complete failure idiot deserves death care give shit never never -"I'm not depressed or in depression, I think there is a lot to live for in life actually. But lately, I've been having thoughts of suicide. It's not every hour of every day, but something will happen, and I'll just casually think to myself, what the hell? F\*ck this, and fast forward to when I'm dead. I have every reason to live, I have a roof over my head, food on the table, and a small circle of friends, a job, so I'm not planning on taking the plunge anytime soon. - - -But I just can't help but think after an event or something that has happened to me, involving me, that maybe I should. What if, as opposed to when. - -&#x200B; - -I'm perfectly in sound mind, body and health, but what could this mean?",1,depressed depression think lot live life actually lately thought suicide every hour every day something happen casually think hell f ck fast forward dead every reason live roof head food table small circle friend job planning taking plunge anytime soon help think event something happened involving maybe opposed amp x 00b perfectly sound mind body health could mean -"Here I am after another failed suicide attempt. Back to the stupid fucking mental health hospitals so they can shove more pills down me. I take 13 fucking meds for my mental and physical health. The lastb2 years I have tried to shoot, hang, stab, OD and purposely crash my car on the interstate at night. I barely eat anymore. I drink 1-2 bottles a day just so I can fucking stand myself. My mom fucked me up. She tortured me for years. Cutting, burning, beating and my father knew about it. The courts failed me when I spoke out. Parents got divorced. My dad took his baby. My older sister and said fucking cya. Now I feel like I'm never enough for fucking anyone. I just lay in bed now. Just slowly killing myself. I sleep so much that I'm getting bed sores. If I do eat my jaw hurts and is sore now. I force myself to sleep. I live in a fucking stupid town where I'm the laughing stock. I'm known as ___ the ____. So people just make fun of me. And it's ironic. The good fucking Christian's that pretend to be something and I get dragged to church and I see these ,""good people"" that make fun of me. Me a god damn fucking stranger. I hate it I hate this fucking world and everyone in it. I get used. I had a large some of money and during my worst time when I was constantly in and out I had ""friends"" and people the likes me ask me for money. It got to the point where people weren't comfortable talking or hanging out but would still ask for money. For fucks sake I'm such a disgusting fucking piece of shit filth that ylthey couldn't even see me. I would be asked and would go fucking put money in mailboxes and gas caps in cars. This is me. This is me fucking stupid worthless existence. I look forward to the next day hoping it'll be the day I die. I'd fucking shoot myself but for fucks sake I can't even put the gun in my mouth and pull the trigger without fucking it up. I live in a fucking town of 12k people and there is only ONE place for therapists and 3. Fucking 3 therapists is what they have. I see my therapist every 1-2 months. Then of course in a small town. The last time I tried to kill myself I had 3 ER nurses who I know think I was still unresponsive. Curtains in front of me and I got to listen for 20 minutes about what they thought about me. Called me names. Made fun of me. This is my life. This is my worthless stupid life. I want it to fucking end more than anything.",1,another failed suicide attempt back stupid fucking mental health hospital shove pill take fucking med mental physical health lastb year tried shoot hang stab od purposely crash car interstate night barely eat anymore drink bottle day fucking stand mom fucked tortured year cutting burning beating father knew court failed spoke parent got divorced dad took baby older sister said fucking cya feel like never enough fucking anyone lay bed slowly killing sleep much getting bed sore eat jaw hurt sore force sleep live fucking stupid town laughing stock known people make fun ironic good fucking christian pretend something get dragged church see good people make fun god damn fucking stranger hate hate fucking world everyone get used large money worst time constantly friend people like ask money got point people comfortable talking hanging would still ask money fuck sake disgusting fucking piece shit filth ylthey even see would asked would go fucking put money mailbox gas cap car fucking stupid worthless existence look forward next day hoping day die fucking shoot fuck sake even put gun mouth pull trigger without fucking live fucking town k people one place therapist fucking therapist see therapist every month course small town last time tried kill er nurse know think still unresponsive curtain front got listen 0 minute thought called name made fun life worthless stupid life want fucking end anything -"I try every day to care about everything, about what other people care about, what they feel, what they want from me, the goals my job set for me, how people perceive me, how clean my house is, how often I help out. I try to hard to care and to make the people around me happy as much as I’m capable of… but I wish I was allowed to not care. - -If I were to do one thing for myself it’d be to let the depression swallow me whole and kill myself. - -But I try to care about what that does to people. And I try every day. And every day I decide if I’m going to keep pretending or collapse. I think I’m really good at pretending.",1,try every day care everything people care feel want goal job set people perceive clean house often help try hard care make people around happy much capable wish allowed care one thing let depression swallow whole kill try care people try every day every day decide going keep pretending collapse think really good pretending -,1,nan -"if it werent for him, i would have been dead by now. i cant imagine how horrible he would feel if i did it. now im just in an eternal state of depression and cant do anything about it. i both love him and hate him for it. mostly love. but god damn. i feel trapped.",1,werent would dead cant imagine horrible would feel im eternal state depression cant anything love hate mostly love god damn feel trapped -"Maybe I should have been locked away for the rest of my life like every other unprofitable unproductive worthless retard. My only quality is that I'm worthless enough to inspire the real regular normal people because if some low iq idiot like me can do something, so can a normal person. The only things that held me back were the fear of failing and living even more disabled, and some stupid video games I could have done without.",1,maybe locked away rest life like every unprofitable unproductive worthless retard quality worthless enough inspire real regular normal people low iq idiot like something normal person thing held back fear failing living even disabled stupid video game could done without -"I have no trauma or especially horrible experiences, it took me 2 yrs to even admit to myself that I'm most likely depressed. - - -I thought that i would write down my feelings, but my mind resonated that to writing a suicide not. I'm proud of myself for stopping when i realised that it made me feel worse. - -I feel lonely. I have friends who i trust, care for, and can talk to. Yet, it's impossible for me to tell them about any of my true feelings, because even i cant understand what's going on in my head. - -I feel guilty for thinking that one of the main reasons for my behaviour is my family. They have always emotionally neglected me, treated me as the dumb kid, invalidated any feelings i expressed, and my mother is physically and verbally abusive. I barely share things with them, and nowadays they've started scolding me for telling them anything because apparently I'm too pessimistic. - -My sister seems to be using me. I have always been there for her and listened to her when she needed. While she is there for me if i need help with studies and shit, she never even makes an attempt to listen to me because apparently that's a therapists duty and she isn't my therapist. - -I can't cry, i can barely feel things, at this point I'm like a zombie. - - -My mental state usually deteriorates in the summers, and summer is here. I can sense the decline. - -My only friend who i can physically meet and am comfortable sharing deeper details about myself to, seems to (understandably) freak out when it comes to suicide related topics if it involves known examples(basically jokes and stuff are fine, but he seems to get a bit perplexed if i mildly hint at my suicidal nature). - - -This is just a rant. I have a terrible tendency to bottle things up in such a way that i forget about it. I will probably feel better by the end of this day.",1,trauma especially horrible experience took yr even admit likely depressed thought would write feeling mind resonated writing suicide proud stopping realised made feel worse feel lonely friend trust care talk yet impossible tell true feeling even cant understand going head feel guilty thinking one main reason behaviour family always emotionally neglected treated dumb kid invalidated feeling expressed mother physically verbally abusive barely share thing nowadays started scolding telling anything apparently pessimistic sister seems using always listened needed need help study shit never even make attempt listen apparently therapist duty therapist cry barely feel thing point like zombie mental state usually deteriorates summer summer sense decline friend physically meet comfortable sharing deeper detail seems understandably freak come suicide related topic involves known example basically joke stuff fine seems get bit perplexed mildly hint suicidal nature rant terrible tendency bottle thing way forget probably feel better end day -"i am mentally exhausted. I have so many problems that I cannot deal with. My older brother bullies me daily and all I do is just sit and listen to it, if I tell him to stop he will just continue to be more annoying. I have a lot of health problems, my parents dont want to take me to a doctor because they think I am lying, so I have to do it myself, I am 17(not legal in my country). I go to school and put on a fake personality and laugh, people bully me even there, not physcally but mentally, they tell me I am dumb, weird, skinny, crazy. I have zero friends in real life, I have 1 online friend that used to help me with everything and even made a workout plan for me. All of that faded since my health is sucking rn. My parents call me crazy daily, becayse I like ti play video games for 4 hours a day, that is crazy to them even tho everyone else tells them its normal. All I feel inside if me is just fear sadness and hopelessness, 0 good or happy thoughts. I thoght dozen if times about suicide, I can't do it. I have OCD, and that tops of everything and obliderates my life and makes me suffer even more. I can't take it anymore, I don't knoe where to go or what to do, its like I don't belong anywhere or cant do anything. All I can do is whine on random subbredit because I have no one to talk to, is this all life really is? I know you might say ohh but if you try to get yourself up and get motivated and do stuff, trust me I tried it many times it fails because of family problems etc. Am I worth saving? Is my life really worth living?",1,mentally exhausted many problem deal older brother bully daily sit listen tell stop continue annoying lot health problem parent dont want take doctor think lying legal country go school put fake personality laugh people bully even physcally mentally tell dumb weird skinny crazy zero friend real life online friend used help everything even made workout plan faded since health sucking rn parent call crazy daily becayse like ti play video game hour day crazy even tho everyone else tell normal feel inside fear sadness hopelessness 0 good happy thought thoght dozen time suicide ocd top everything obliderates life make suffer even take anymore knoe go like belong anywhere cant anything whine random subbredit one talk life really know might say ohh try get get motivated stuff trust tried many time fails family problem etc worth saving life really worth living -"I think I've slept three full hours in the past 48. It's not that I don't try to sleep or want to; I do, and so badly. I'm so exhausted. - -Right now I'm crammed into a toddler bed, cuddling my kid. Even laying here, all I can think about is whether or not she wouldn't be better off with a different mother - and I know I'd never do that to her. I never would or could; she didn't ask to be in this world and I have no right to leave her in it, especially with that kind of burden. So why does the thought keep whispering itself in the forefront of my mind, even when I've slept well? - -Why the fuck do I feel so terrible, as if I've been kicked in the stomach to the point of puking. I feel like a failure in everything - am I really at the point where I'm supposed to celebrate my own mediocrity after accomplishing simple tasks that I'm supposed to do? Should I be applauding myself for getting out of bed, next? - -I left my job to stay home with my kid, just a month before the pandemic was acknowledged. No one could, or did, come to see me. But I realized that even without the pandemic, nobody really would have been there anyway. She was five months old then, and in that time period nobody really was there. They didn't call. Didn't video chat. Didn't really ask how things were or how I was. - -I was crushed before the pandemic. Our events were cancelled - I couldn't see my friends. Most of them, I still haven't seen two years later. We don't really talk either. There's only one person outside of my immediate family that I've called in… months, and it stings. A few months ago we moved out of state, and out here we have no friends, no family. I've tried making friends over the internet, especially through pursuing my roleplaying hobby, but it feels like I keep fucking up. Trying to keep my emotions and attachments in check, but inevitably I think my loneliness just bleeds through, or I let myself open up too much and just… fuck it up. - -My emotions, my entire //self// might as well be sodden playdoh. I'm desperate to keep it formed into what it should be, what it/I used to be. But before long I'm trying too hard to keep it in shape, and it's left in a flattened, half-soggy mess of… garbage. Every night I curl up in bed and have my stupid fucking brain remind me of how garbage I am, of all the mistakes I've made and maybe I really would be better off just giving it up. Telling me there's no point to keep bothering others with my - I don't know. Existence, I guess. Mistakes. - -Logically, I know that's part of my problem. It always has been, really. I tried to keep everything together so other people wouldn't know what was happening to me back then; I had to take care of it and handle it on my own. I have to be able to do everything, and when I can't, I feel worthless. Like a waste. What am I even doing that someone else couldn't take the reins on and do better? I've been replaced plenty of times. Even my husband was searching on Grindr and posting on Craigslist, listing ads that included the fact that he was married… sending pictures, texts. Telling me it was my fault after I found out. I'm somehow to blame for it. - -I haven't told anyone that. Typing it out feels slimey, like three day old used dishwater. It's another thing I have to handle myself, because I could never actually admit to someone else that it happened. Just like I couldn't admit to anyone I know about what my ex did to me. What happened when I was a kid. I told one person - a therapist - in honesty what happened and I remember her saying that if I kept being angry about it, then I'd turn out like that person. - -Who says that to an eight year old? - -Anytime I've brought it up since then, it was never to admit how it's part of what still keeps me awake over two decades later. Stupid electric meatball in my skull, trying to convince me it matters. Trying to convince me I'm going to keep going downhill, and should just get ahead on what's inevitable anyway. People can, and would, move on and maybe it'd be better. - -I wish it'd stop with this shit. My daughter said today that she loves me. I have to be doing something right, don't I? - -I don't know what to do to fix this. I'm just screaming into the void right now. - -I want to sleep.",1,think slept three full hour past try sleep want badly exhausted right crammed toddler bed cuddling kid even laying think whether better different mother know never never would could ask world right leave especially kind burden thought keep whispering forefront mind even slept well fuck feel terrible kicked stomach point puking feel like failure everything really point supposed celebrate mediocrity accomplishing simple task supposed applauding getting bed next left job stay home kid month pandemic acknowledged one could come see realized even without pandemic nobody really would anyway five month old time period nobody really call video chat really ask thing crushed pandemic event cancelled see friend still seen two year later really talk either one person outside immediate family called month sting month ago moved state friend family tried making friend internet especially pursuing roleplaying hobby feel like keep fucking trying keep emotion attachment check inevitably think loneliness bleeds let open much fuck emotion entire self might well sodden playdoh desperate keep formed used long trying hard keep shape left flattened half soggy mess garbage every night curl bed stupid fucking brain remind garbage mistake made maybe really would better giving telling point keep bothering others know existence guess mistake logically know part problem always really tried keep everything together people know happening back take care handle able everything feel worthless like waste even someone else take rein better replaced plenty time even husband searching grindr posting craigslist listing ad included fact married sending picture text telling fault found somehow blame told anyone typing feel slimey like three day old used dishwater another thing handle could never actually admit someone else happened like admit anyone know ex happened kid told one person therapist honesty happened remember saying kept angry turn like person say eight year old anytime brought since never admit part still keep awake two decade later stupid electric meatball skull trying convince matter trying convince going keep going downhill get ahead inevitable anyway people would move maybe better wish stop shit daughter said today love something right know fix screaming void right want sleep - I want to be dead. Ive been suicidal for years. Im such a fucking retard filled with regret and anger. Im done with life. I want all of this to stop. Why I cant do one thing right.,1,want dead ive suicidal year im fucking retard filled regret anger im done life want stop cant one thing right -"It's been a lot of stress past the last three years, I feel like I can't take it anymore. I'm too anti-social, I can't talk to anyone, I just start shaking and can't say a word, and then this feeling of embarrassment will haunt me for the rest of the day. No one wants to talk with me, I feel like I shouldn't be here, like I'm a burden to everyone. I have to hold my emotions inside, never letting them out and this is killing me. I've been crying for the last few days, I feel so pathetic. Am I the problem? I am so lost.",1,lot stress past last three year feel like take anymore anti social talk anyone start shaking say word feeling embarrassment haunt rest day one want talk feel like like burden everyone hold emotion inside never letting killing cry last day feel pathetic problem lost -,1,nan -i’m extremely suicidal but i want to live. could anyone give me reasons to live? i don’t want to feel this way but i hard not to think about it. please anyone,1,extremely suicidal want live could anyone give reason live want feel way hard think please anyone -It’s only ever gotten worse. I’m worthless and unwanted and there’s no reason I shouldn’t kill myself. I have no reason I should be alive if it’s spent feeling like this and being alone.,1,ever gotten worse worthless unwanted reason kill reason alive spent feeling like alone -"I’m just so done of all this constant same things everyday feeling like I’m not even mentally conscious the whole time. Who even am I,where did everybody I used to know go? Do they go through this to or am I just some sick. I don’t know if I can even talk to people about this derealization zoning out feeling I just don’t even know anymore. It’s gotten to the point where I forget simple memories because I just don’t feel like they happened, so it doesn’t matter. I had an old friend of mine. (Fuck you to hell cameron I hope you die) they started to tell me that I wasn’t a real person and that “the people of the other land” or some shit where waiting for us. Ever since, I haven’t been the same. Fuck you fuck you FUCK YOU CAMERON YOU FUCKINGRUINED ME YOU CONTROLLING MANIPULATIVE NARCISSISTIC PIECE OF LIVING SHIT YOU SHOULDVE DIED WHEN YOU HAD THE CHANCE YPU RUINED ME why did any of this have to happen why did my parents divorce why I hate it why can’t I just go back to when I was ok and happy for once why did it all have to change why can’t I just be pretty and amazing why can’t I just live my life without feeling like this I can’t even go a week ithout attempting to stab myself and just ending up with a stinging chest god this hurts just end it all I’m so tired of living like this I’m gonna make the choice soon at my dads I’m not even sure if I want to yet I believe in god heavily but I don’t even know if he can forgive me for this. The way I’m planning on doing it isn’t gonna be pretty and I don’t wanna traumatize my little brother, he should have to see his sister like that, not even in highschool, dead. I want to make the decision to just fucking do it already I have nothing to turn back to. My home life is a mess after my parents divorce and I’m constantly going back and force between parents. It would eventually get exhausting, don’t you think?im probably not gonna end up doing it anyways, I really needed to let this out Because god I’m just so tired of everything",1,done constant thing everyday feeling like even mentally conscious whole time even everybody used know go go sick know even talk people derealization zoning feeling even know anymore gotten point forget simple memory feel like happened matter old friend mine fuck hell cameron hope die started tell real person people land shit waiting u ever since fuck fuck fuck cameron fuckingruined controlling manipulative narcissistic piece living shit shouldve died chance ypu ruined happen parent divorce hate go back ok happy change pretty amazing live life without feeling like even go week ithout attempting stab ending stinging chest god hurt end tired living like gon na make choice soon dad even sure want yet believe god heavily even know forgive way planning gon na pretty wan na traumatize little brother see sister like even highschool dead want make decision fucking already nothing turn back home life mess parent divorce constantly going back force parent would eventually get exhausting think im probably gon na end anyways really needed let god tired everything -My mom straight up asked me last night if I was cutting my wrist in front of my entire family when she saw my scars. I think she said that joking but it’s the truth. I’m so scared she’s going to push it further. I’m so scared she’s going to hate me for it and punish me. I feel so so stupid for doing it on my wrist. So so stupid. I just didn’t think anyone would notice. They haven’t ever before. I’m not sure she actually suspects anything from me. Tonight I think I’ll burn my wrist cooking something so that it covers up the scars and the story is more believable. They’re all going to hate me. I didn’t sleep all night last night because I’m so scared. I used to think I’d be ok with people finding out I feel like this but I’m not. I’m really really not.,1,mom straight asked last night cutting wrist front entire family saw scar think said joking truth scared going push scared going hate punish feel stupid wrist stupid think anyone would notice ever sure actually suspect anything tonight think burn wrist cooking something cover scar story believable going hate sleep night last night scared used think ok people finding feel like really really -"im just a burden to her and everyone. the world would be so much better if i just disappeared. she’s always on my back about everything. i can never do anything right. i can never please her. she’s always so upset at me. she’s always so mad. tonight, before she went to sleep, she didnt even tell me that she loved me. - -its okay. i dont blame her. i wouldnt love me either. im nothing. im pathetic. im a waste of space, energy, and time. in the grand scheme of things theres nothing about me that matters. im stupid. im incompetent. im irresponsible and im mean. im just a bad person. and bad people dont deserve to be happy. - -i will never make my mom proud. i will always be insufficient. she will always be finding new ways for me to screw up. when i die, she will be so much happier without me. everyone will be happier.",1,im burden everyone world would much better disappeared always back everything never anything right never please always upset always mad tonight went sleep didnt even tell loved okay dont blame wouldnt love either im nothing im pathetic im waste space energy time grand scheme thing there nothing matter im stupid im incompetent im irresponsible im mean im bad person bad people dont deserve happy never make mom proud always insufficient always finding new way screw die much happier without everyone happier -"Last Sunday my husband, we've been together 18 years and have a child together, admitted to me that he was talking to his co-worker. He slept with her Thursday after lying about going to work. He tells me he doesn't want to leave but he doesn't know what he wants anymore. Friday, he admitted he has cheated on me 2 other times in the past and yesterday, on my birthday, I found out 1 of those people was my own sister when I took her in after her husband had been cheating on her. I am so heartbroken for myself and my son and all I can think about is ending it all. I trusted this man implicitly and never even thought he would cheat. There were never any signs at all. All I can think about now is ending it once and for all. I've lost my husband and my sister and I really don't have much left. I am so far down the spiral I don't think I will ever be able to claw my way back up. I don't even know why I am writing this. Just needed it off my chest.",1,last sunday husband together year child together admitted talking co worker slept thursday lying going work tell want leave know want anymore friday admitted cheated time past yesterday birthday found people sister took husband cheating heartbroken son think ending trusted man implicitly never even thought would cheat never sign think ending lost husband sister really much left far spiral think ever able claw way back even know writing needed chest -"I don’t know how to push myself and adjust to schedules and adult life. No one was really around to teach me.. - -I play video games a lot, before it was because I enjoyed it but now it’s because I have nothing else to do, with myself or other people. I don’t have any friends. But even now I can’t fit in online. It feels like no one my age plays games anymore, they’re focused on their life. College, school, work. I don’t fucking have a life. - -The only other human beings I talk to is my dad when he gets home from work, which is only small talk since we’re not very close. It’s been like this for years now. I’ve felt completely isolated from the world MY ENTIRE LIFE. Which is why I don’t fit in, why can’t talk to people and why I don’t fit into societies standards. - -I want to fucking die so bad. I’ve fucked up my life so bad. I wasted my highschool years, Even if I have a whole life ahead of me I don’t have the knowledge or will to get anywhere. - -Fuck it.",1,know push adjust schedule adult life one really around teach play video game lot enjoyed nothing else people friend even fit online feel like one age play game anymore focused life college school work fucking life human being talk dad get home work small talk since close like year felt completely isolated world entire life fit talk people fit society standard want fucking die bad fucked life bad wasted highschool year even whole life ahead knowledge get anywhere fuck -,1,nan -For the past 42 months I’ve been postponing my suicide by escapism. Recently I’ve grown a tolerance to any short and long term satisfaction. With this I’ve seen the only way to escape escapism is by death. I want to send my regards to everyone in this sub for being some of the most kind people I’ve had the pleasure of talking to. Everything is in motion and as in tomorrow i will no longer be a living man Good night. Good morning. Thank you. Good bye.,1,past month postponing suicide escapism recently grown tolerance short long term satisfaction seen way escape escapism death want send regard everyone sub kind people pleasure talking everything motion tomorrow longer living man good night good morning thank good bye -"My boyfriend told me if I’m feeling unsafe, call 911. But I smoke weed to calm my mental health symptoms and it’s not exactly legal where I live. I don’t want to get a criminal record, but I promised I’d call for help, but then I can’t die. Any Advice…?",1,boyfriend told feeling unsafe call 9 smoke weed calm mental health symptom exactly legal live want get criminal record promised call help die advice -"am i really just that awful - -no one wants to be my friend - -my old friends abuse me - -i hate everything but especially myself - -:( when will it get better",1,really awful one want friend old friend abuse hate everything especially get better -"Sorry for the depressing post. I have some problems that are long term and I suffer every second of everyday. I am so tired of the mental pain of suffering everyday. My eyes will never be the same again and I only use my right eye. I don’t want to have such a shameful death, but I was wondering if you people believe this CAN possibly be a good choice. I am about to have exhausted all of my treatment options.",1,sorry depressing post problem long term suffer every second everyday tired mental pain suffering everyday eye never use right eye want shameful death wondering people believe possibly good choice exhausted treatment option -"Sometimes I start to plan it by leaving one day and never being found - that hopefully I would prepare well enough that no one would ever find me. I think that would be better than my family knowing my death was intentional and planned, but I still know they would grieve. - -&#x200B; - -I'm somewhat of an antinatalist, and I refuse to ever bring children into this world (its just a personal choice, I don't judge parents) because if I am so miserable, why would I create more life? Maybe if things looked up and I gained some self esteem again, I could have a job I love and more importantly a wife (although I don't know how many women really want to be in a childless marriage.) I've never even gone on a date before and I'm a 25 (M), so I worry I'll just be alone for my entire life. I feel like a real loser for this. - -I just see life in a very bleak way, and I don't see my future as one that is bright and cheerful, especially since I don't really believe I deserve good things. I have intrusive thought OCD which is a little voice that throws horrible words and images at me all day, and telling me I'm a irredeemable human being, and a terrible person. Its exhausting and I feel trapped.",1,sometimes start plan leaving one day never found hopefully would prepare well enough one would ever find think would better family knowing death intentional planned still know would grieve amp x 00b somewhat antinatalist refuse ever bring child world personal choice judge parent miserable would create life maybe thing looked gained self esteem could job love importantly wife although know many woman really want childless marriage never even gone date worry alone entire life feel like real loser see life bleak way see future one bright cheerful especially since really believe deserve good thing intrusive thought ocd little voice throw horrible word image day telling irredeemable human terrible person exhausting feel trapped -"I've been plagued with mental illness for almost half my life. I've done and tried everything I can up to this point to recover, but it's a losing battle that I'm tired of. I've missed out on so much in my life because of my mental health being so shit and honestly, I don't ever see it getting any better. I figure 2 years (or sooner) is long enough for me to decide whether or not to go through with my plan of killing myself. No one I know personally knows about my plan. Not my family, not the few friends I have, not even my therapist. I don't plan on telling them because I don't want to be stopped. Maybe they'll hate me for it or maybe they won't. Odds are they'll never hate me as much as I hate myself. This post is gonna get buried under everything else, so might as well be talking to myself. If you did read this though, thanks for reading.",1,plagued mental illness almost half life done tried everything point recover losing battle tired missed much life mental health shit honestly ever see getting better figure year sooner long enough decide whether go plan killing one know personally know plan family friend even therapist plan telling want stopped maybe hate maybe odds never hate much hate post gon na get buried everything else might well talking read though thanks reading -"I dont want to move at all. I just want to be stationary for the rest of my life. School is actually so draining and I can't bring myself to do anything. My parents think so highly of me, as if I'm really smart. I don't think I deserve any kindness from them, I've disappointed them a lot. I wonder quite a lot why they haven't disowned me yet. - -I dont know what to do anymore. I don't have any friends whom I can call 'close'. It's so lonely. But I feel like I deserve this for all the pain I've caused for so many people. - -But the worst thing is I feel like im doing this just for attention and I feel like a horrid human being because there are people who are actually suffering from these horrible thoughts. - -I just want to fade out of existence.",1,dont want move want stationary rest life school actually draining bring anything parent think highly really smart think deserve kindness disappointed lot wonder quite lot disowned yet dont know anymore friend call close lonely feel like deserve pain caused many people worst thing feel like im attention feel like horrid human people actually suffering horrible thought want fade existence -"Please kill me, I’m so fucking done with this life! I’m just a burden, and everyone around me would be much happier if I didn’t exist, I’d be doing everyone a favor if I just killed myself…",1,please kill fucking done life burden everyone around would much happier exist everyone favor killed -"I can’t do it anymore. It feels like none of my friends care about me, my ex left me and now has blocked me, my mom has been hounding me about shit that I don’t have the time or energy to shoulder, I can’t speak loudly without struggling, I can barely eat without it feeling like sand down my throat. - -I feel so alone.",1,anymore feel like none friend care ex left blocked mom hounding shit time energy shoulder speak loudly without struggling barely eat without feeling like sand throat feel alone -"The meds don’t work. My doctor is clearly not helping, last time I went to him he told me that I was having a very bad week because I stopped smoking pot…. FIVE WEEKS AGO. Like I’m sorry but it would not have a delayed effect like that. Also, he then compared it to a recent promotion he got. Like dude, what the fuck??? - -I just keep having these recurring thoughts of slicing open my wrists and finally just getting the peace and quiet if wanted. I don’t want to die, but I don’t want to live like this anymore.",1,med work doctor clearly helping last time went told bad week stopped smoking pot five week ago like sorry would delayed effect like also compared recent promotion got like dude fuck keep recurring thought slicing open wrist finally getting peace quiet wanted want die want live like anymore -"I’m a burnt out, mentally ill college student. That’s already hard. - -I have mental illnesses that leave the people around me annoyed & scared of me. - -My coping method used to be music. Now, I can’t enjoy listening to it because of my Misophonia. You know you have a problem when you can’t even enjoy music. - -I have to pretend I’m okay. Even if my profs/family knows I’m struggling with unbearable chronic fatigue, they still expect me to do super well in college. Society still expects me to excel at everything. Toxic positivity, inspiration p*rn, hustle culture. Blah blah blah. So. Tiring. - -Well, I can’t. I am literally mentally & physically incapable of it. I can barely leave my bed. I barely enjoy doing anything I used to enjoy doing. - -I’m trying to find things to latch onto. I’m trying not to give up. God just really hates my guts. I’m at a dead end. - -God, I’m so close to giving up.",1,burnt mentally ill college student already hard mental illness leave people around annoyed amp scared coping method used music enjoy listening misophonia know problem even enjoy music pretend okay even prof family know struggling unbearable chronic fatigue still expect super well college society still expects excel everything toxic positivity inspiration p rn hustle culture blah blah blah tiring well literally mentally amp physically incapable barely leave bed barely enjoy anything used enjoy trying find thing latch onto trying give god really hate gut dead end god close giving -"I used to be really afraid of death, and I still am sometimes. However, as time passed and my life continued to stay stagnant or decline, I have come to see death as an escape. -I hate the thought of hurting people I care about, but I really feel like I won’t be happy any other way. It’s been such a long time, and I’m very tired.",1,used really afraid death still sometimes however time passed life continued stay stagnant decline come see death escape hate thought hurting people care really feel like happy way long time tired -"Nobody will probably see this anyways, nobody saw my last one. I just wanted to vent my current thoughts so I can at least alleviate some form of pain that’s going on internally at the moment. - -Ever since my ex Left, I’ve had nobody to talk to. I have no bonds with anyone, no friends, or anything. All I fricken do now is lay in bed all day, go to work when it’s time, come back and go to sleep. I don’t live anymore. Then again what is living anyways if you have nobody to experience it with? I just live a lonely existence and I’m fricken tired of it. - -I either want to be dead, or just drugged up on pills so I can at least feel SOMETHING beyond this emptiness inside. I hate my fucking retarded existence anyways. I wasn’t meant to be born and I’ve felt nothing but pain growing up. What do I even have to feel happy about? That i make decent money? So fucking what. Money only buys me temporary happiness. It isn’t eternal. I want to feel what true happiness feels like. I’m sick and tired of this life and I want to just be different or gone completely.",1,nobody probably see anyways nobody saw last one wanted vent current thought least alleviate form pain going internally moment ever since ex left nobody talk bond anyone friend anything fricken lay bed day go work time come back go sleep live anymore living anyways nobody experience live lonely existence fricken tired either want dead drugged pill least feel something beyond emptiness inside hate fucking retarded existence anyways meant born felt nothing pain growing even feel happy make decent money fucking money buy temporary happiness eternal want feel true happiness feel like sick tired life want different gone completely -"I hate myself. I am the reason I’m sad. I have no excuses. Some days I’m so happy and blissful, but then there are a lot of days (most of them) where the only thing in my mind is killing myself, in multiple ways. I overthink, I plan to perfection. I have 6ish plans to kill myself without my family cleaning anything up. I already have an unofficial will written for when I do kill myself. I don’t want my family to struggle to pick up the pieces of why I killed myself so there’s always a note. Then I just do something where no one can find my body. I’m sad for no reason. There is no porpoise to existing. I want to help people but I fail to do so all the damn time. I joke about killing myself, but those jokes are getting more specific, and I’m pretty sure people are catching on that I actually wanna kill myself. I actually tried, but thankfully failed. I didn’t have a rope or gun so I started choking myself to do the job. I really wanna but I just can’t. Please help me.",1,hate reason sad excuse day happy blissful lot day thing mind killing multiple way overthink plan perfection ish plan kill without family cleaning anything already unofficial written kill want family struggle pick piece killed always note something one find body sad reason porpoise existing want help people fail damn time joke killing joke getting specific pretty sure people catching actually wan na kill actually tried thankfully failed rope gun started choking job really wan na please help -"I have felt so depressed for 3 years now. Im only 16 and I’ve been through a lot but who hasn’t? I’m just a weak person that can’t get over my issues. The only thing I’m good at is hurting people. Therapy will never help me because I am never going to change. I’m a terrible fucking person and I hate myself more than anything. It feels like my life is never going to get better and I know that I will never deserve happiness, but I feel like I’ll truly be happy once i take my last breath.",1,felt depressed year im lot weak person get issue thing good hurting people therapy never help never going change terrible fucking person hate anything feel like life never going get better know never deserve happiness feel like truly happy take last breath -"when you can't work and feel like a shadow of a character you put on for other people. When you feel like such a burden to people you love. Almost like you are taking advantage of them because you need their help. I got help but I still feel the effects of this depression. Medication doesn't seem to help the overall feeling that I feel is a lie. I want to ""kill my self"" at least the Identity that I am a strong man. I'm young. 24. I've accomplished more than my father did at my age. However I am still under his roof. - -Failure to launch and failure to exercise work life balance. Living with what I see to be bipolar disorder and the effects it has on my and other peoples lives. Holding on to the Idea I have that to commit suicide would be murder in the eyes of God because I am a slave of his. I gave up my life because Jesus Gave up his. Struggling to understand or at least accept my sinful nature and reject it at the same time. Struggling with the Idea that perhaps I'm Trans, perhaps I'm Gay, perhaps I'm yes. That's ok. - -Looking at myself gain weight because of my own lack of self control with eating. Going from the most disciplined with cutting weight for a pro fight. going from 180lbs to 132lbs in less than 6 months. getting fairly close to the former in 3. - -I feel sick. I feel worthless. Impotent. the exact opposite of what I felt 4 months ago. - -I wanna be well. for other peoples sake. I wanna be taken advantage of in the future. A work horse for someone. A Husband. A friend. An artist--just not a crazy one-- but what can I do, I didn't choose to be mad. I just am. - -I want to overdose. so far I do so with caffeine and nicotine. Had I been able to get myself to drink alcohol-- I'd use that. However I hate hangovers. I think once I wake up in limbo I'll still feel it. Doing everything I can to lock myself in the house and not jump off a bridge head first onto the highway. Running out of videos to watch on youtube. running out of Ideas for making music. - -feeling alone. feeling a buzz from my meds as I type this. Feeling God looking at me over my shoulder. The devil over the other. I want to be ripped in two. The life I want is living a duel life one for Jesus the other with satan. - -Queer. Perhaps my favorite word lately. I identify as that. Queer.",1,work feel like shadow character put people feel like burden people love almost like taking advantage need help got help still feel effect depression medication seem help overall feeling feel lie want kill self least identity strong man young accomplished father age however still roof failure launch failure exercise work life balance living see bipolar disorder effect people life holding idea commit suicide would murder eye god slave gave life jesus gave struggling understand least accept sinful nature reject time struggling idea perhaps trans perhaps gay perhaps yes ok looking gain weight lack self control eating going disciplined cutting weight pro fight going 0lbs lb le month getting fairly close former feel sick feel worthless impotent exact opposite felt month ago wan na well people sake wan na taken advantage future work horse someone husband friend artist crazy one choose mad want overdose far caffeine nicotine able get drink alcohol use however hate hangover think wake limbo still feel everything lock house jump bridge head first onto highway running video watch youtube running idea making music feeling alone feeling buzz med type feeling god looking shoulder devil want ripped two life want living duel life one jesus satan queer perhaps favorite word lately identify queer -"I’m cleaning my house today. Taking my dog on a nice long walk, brushing her, giving her all of her treats. Taking all of the trash out. -Doing all the laundry. -Writing my notes, and going to bed tonight with the hope that what I take and the amount will kill me. -I’m 24, but I feel like I’m 8000. I can’t pay any of my bills, I can’t hold down a job because my body is falling apart around me, and when my body isn’t failing me my dumb stupid useless brain is. I hate myself. I can’t get away from me. Nobody deserves to have to be stuck with me in their lives. -One funeral, and then I’m nobody’s problem. -Just…..needed the universe to know it won.",1,cleaning house today taking dog nice long walk brushing giving treat taking trash laundry writing note going bed tonight hope take amount kill feel like 000 pay bill hold job body falling apart around body failing dumb stupid useless brain hate get away nobody deserves stuck life one funeral nobody problem needed universe know -"I hope this sub is a source of help and stability for others. Not my post but the sub. In my case, when you spend your whole life white knuckling being normal and chastising yourself for every “wrong, victim stance, ungrateful attitude”, etc - as an absolute failure…. God what the fuck Else are you supposed to do 🤣 I mean, in my case, why keep trying? What is the fucking point? The charade gets old and sometimes you just want it to STOP.",1,hope sub source help stability others post sub case spend whole life white knuckling normal chastising every wrong victim stance ungrateful attitude etc absolute failure god fuck else supposed mean case keep trying fucking point charade get old sometimes want stop -I want to KMS. I was so impulsive and ended a very good relationship. We were both first lovers and I just can’t anymore.,1,want km impulsive ended good relationship first lover anymore -"I almost committed suicide. I feel pathetic for not having been able to, and I don't know why I stopped. I suffer from BPD, so this isn't the first time I've either attempted or gotten close to doing it. My friends don't know, and I would feel manipulative or a burden if I were to tell them. I guess I just wanted a place to talk about it. Every time I find myself in this type of situation, it feels like I get closer and closer to the point of no return.",1,almost committed suicide feel pathetic able know stopped suffer bpd first time either attempted gotten close friend know would feel manipulative burden tell guess wanted place talk every time find type situation feel like get closer closer point return -"This is a long story I'm sorry. Me and my ex broke up 2 years ago but we remained friends. But I still loved her and still do to this day. After 4 months she stopped talking to me because of this. When we were together I never lied to her... well I only lied about 1 thing and it's about why I tried kms when I was 12. To this day no one knows the real reason, maybe my friend bc I almost slipped about it. I treated her like a queen. We lived 10 hours away from each other and I saved up $2k to go see her when we were together. (For gas and my dad stayed at a hotel. I was 17 at the time.) Every anniversary I wrote a very long paragraph maybe 2 on why I love her, and how beautiful she is. At 1st it was every sunday of the week (we started dating on sunday) then the 19th of every month. We lasted 10 months together. Each paragraph was different and never said the same thing. I did this to help make her feel better about herself because she was ashamed of her body and I could tell she was depressed. I wanted her to be happy. I bought her a lot of gifts and always asked how her day went. (Btw I'm very poor and at the time I mowed lawns to make money. 50 a week during spring and summer. I'm allergic to grass, and been doing it since I was 14.) We broke up and she told me because she was gay but we can still be friends. I quit my job 2 months after bc of depression. We had a discord server that contained her brothers and their friends. There was this 1 guy that we always played with and me, her, her brother, and the guy played doki doki. At 1st he was nice then when they left he was very mean to me. Saying things like ""she doesn't like you just leave"", ""why are you even trying"" and so on. I never said anything because I didn't want to ruin any friend ships. I wish I said something instantly. We all played overwatch together also. Well I tried to stop playing with just him and only play with her. I said it was bc of my anxiety but the real reason was bc of him. 4 months later she stopped talking to me because I still loved her. (This is where and why I might be gone soon, warning I'm going to say graphic things. Plz know I don't want attention, I just want my story to be told if I do leave 1 day.) My #1 phobia is being alone, and she helped me forget a terrible memory when I was 12 (the real reason that no one knows about.) I was scarred, (I regret doing all of this) I made 10 accounts on insta saying sorry. And emailed her sorry also. Plz know I regret doing all of this and understand I was in a dark place. Still doesn't justify my actions. Some time after that I was dmed on insta to go kms and other horrible things. I tried telling her but she looked at the screen shot and just blocked me. Then it happened again, then again, I was being told to go kms and other things for 5 months straight. Even was bullied by her bf at the same time. I screen shotted what he said to me also. In the middle of all this my mom ODed and was in a hospital for a week. I had no one to talk to, I tried crying out for help to her. No response. I tried crying out for help about the guy telling me to kms for months, no response. She is the only 1 able to stop him. She never really tried. The only ppl who tried to get them to stop was me and my friend. He was the only help I had. On Christmas and Easter I also emailed her saying I hope her and her family is ok because covid was bad and her family is like family to me I worry and care about them a lot. (Still was being told to kms and messaged by her bf) I started cutting month 2 of being told to kms (I stopped a little while ago) since I was still being told to kms and bullied by her bf and no change was happening I cried for help to her parents. I showed them the screen shots of what her bf said to me and told them about the person (who we still don't know) who told me to kms. Later I got a message from her saying that not only she regrets our relationship but she is scarred of me and I have to apologize to my friend who was helping me through all of this. Btw I don't have the guts to yell at someone bc I'll have a mental break down bc of past trauma (parents always yelled at me) and I dont have the guts to hurt anyone (mentally or physically) unless it's to protect my friends or family. (I'm a very protective person of who I love and like) when I read this I was badly hurt. I started doing drugs (not weed bc the smell makes me want to vomit and ill never try it) but whippets (was accident but made pain go away so I kept doing it) some time later my dad got cancer (he's doesn't anymore it got removed right away) but while he was gone I had a bad mental break down and I did a free therapy trail online. (I forgot the website) but I did this with 3 different emails so I had 3 sessions. I did it for her bc she always told me to get professional help. I got told I might have severe adult separation anxiety. I have nightmares every night about losing her (still to this day) I said a lot more (infact I told them everything) and they told me that. They can't officially diagnose me with it because they wanted to talk to me more but I'm poor. I can't afford that. But I then had no one so I cried for help to her 1 last time (I was scarred). Her dad texted me to never message he again. That night I did a full inhale of whippet and tried to kms. I had seziure (idk how to spell) and woke up the next day. No one checked in on me. I woke up on my floor. That was the last time I ever did that. Some time later her bf messaged me again, it was a pic of him and her kissing making a heart of their hands. He said ""just give up she doesn't love you and never has"" I showed the screen shot to some friends and then deleted it bc it was painful to look at. What am I sopose to do? Cry for help? I can't. To this day he messages me mocking me. But she'll never believe me. Not only I can't tell her but I don't think she even cares. I also later found out the real reason why she broke up with me was bc I was too clingy. Not only did my friend tell me this, her bf did also. Everyone who I told this story to tells me she cheated on me. That there's no way someone would let this happen if they cared about me after I treated her with respect like that during our relationship. I don't think she cheated on me, she would never do that. I tried going out with other girls but I cant bc it feels like I'm cheating on her even tho we're not dating. It feels wrong. I still love her. And I always will. Even tho she never asked if I was ok when I was being told to kms. (Which hurts badly) I still love her. The only reason I'm alive is because of my hope (a 2nd chance with her) but it's dying, and I want to die b4 my hope dies. Or I'm going to die when my hope dies which means I'll have no happiness left. The 1st time I felt happiness was when she said yes to going out. I cried that night bc I never felt that b4 bc of childhood. I just want her to at least ask if I'm ok. Just to prove my thoughts wrong. To prove that she still cares. To keep me going. I love you *** and I always will. If you some how see this, I know you're tired of seeing this, but I'm sorry. Plz know if I do lose the battle, I lasted this long for you. I hope you're proud of me. And if you do message me, I might come out about the real reason why I can't let go. And for whoever read this long, thank you. I hope you have a great life, be safe. - -Idk if I typed this but I haven't done drugs in a year. -Won't be on this account a lot (only to vent.) It's a alt account. I'm just trying to get help even tho the only help that will help me is her saying anything nice to me. Idk when but when my limit is reached bc of her bf and friends, and all the past crap they said to me. I plan on going 100mph+ to a pole. I already know where I'm going to do it. It's not like she cares anyways. I get told to go kms for months and bullied to this day and not once ask if I'm ok, I doubt she'll be sad. My thoughts are telling me she'll be happier if I'm dead. I get harassed, I get yelled at for crying for help. I get told to kms, I get yelled at for crying for help.",1,long story sorry ex broke year ago remained friend still loved still day month stopped talking together never lied well lied thing tried km day one know real reason maybe friend bc almost slipped treated like queen lived 0 hour away saved k go see together gas dad stayed hotel time every anniversary wrote long paragraph maybe love beautiful st every sunday week started dating sunday 9th every month lasted 0 month together paragraph different never said thing help make feel better ashamed body could tell depressed wanted happy bought lot gift always asked day went btw poor time mowed lawn make money 0 week spring summer allergic grass since broke told gay still friend quit job month bc depression discord server contained brother friend guy always played brother guy played doki doki st nice left mean saying thing like like leave even trying never said anything want ruin friend ship wish said something instantly played overwatch together also well tried stop playing play said bc anxiety real reason bc month later stopped talking still loved might gone soon warning going say graphic thing plz know want attention want story told leave day phobia alone helped forget terrible memory real reason one know scarred regret made 0 account insta saying sorry emailed sorry also plz know regret understand dark place still justify action time dmed insta go km horrible thing tried telling looked screen shot blocked happened told go km thing month straight even bullied bf time screen shotted said also middle mom oded hospital week one talk tried cry help response tried cry help guy telling km month response able stop never really tried ppl tried get stop friend help christmas easter also emailed saying hope family ok covid bad family like family worry care lot still told km messaged bf started cutting month told km stopped little ago since still told km bullied bf change happening cried help parent showed screen shot bf said told person still know told km later got message saying regret relationship scarred apologize friend helping btw gut yell someone bc mental break bc past trauma parent always yelled dont gut hurt anyone mentally physically unless protect friend family protective person love like read badly hurt started drug weed bc smell make want vomit ill never try whippet accident made pain go away kept time later dad got cancer anymore got removed right away gone bad mental break free therapy trail online forgot website different email session bc always told get professional help got told might severe adult separation anxiety nightmare every night losing still day said lot infact told everything told officially diagnose wanted talk poor afford one cried help last time scarred dad texted never message night full inhale whippet tried km seziure idk spell woke next day one checked woke floor last time ever time later bf messaged pic kissing making heart hand said give love never showed screen shot friend deleted bc painful look sopose cry help day message mocking never believe tell think even care also later found real reason broke bc clingy friend tell bf also everyone told story tell cheated way someone would let happen cared treated respect like relationship think cheated would never tried going girl cant bc feel like cheating even tho dating feel wrong still love always even tho never asked ok told km hurt badly still love reason alive hope nd chance dying want die b hope dy going die hope dy mean happiness left st time felt happiness said yes going cried night bc never felt b bc childhood want least ask ok prove thought wrong prove still care keep going love always see know tired seeing sorry plz know lose battle lasted long hope proud message might come real reason let go whoever read long thank hope great life safe idk typed done drug year account lot vent alt account trying get help even tho help help saying anything nice idk limit reached bc bf friend past crap said plan going 00mph pole already know going like care anyways get told go km month bullied day ask ok doubt sad thought telling happier dead get harassed get yelled cry help get told km get yelled cry help -"Making plans, jotting them down, laugh emoji response. -My friends don't know my sentences end in an unspoken ""if, by then, I'm still alive"". -Tightness in the chest with each breath. -Eating and hating myself. -Not eating and hating myself. -Just hating myself as I hold back tears. -Steadily typing despite intrusive thoughts of suicide -What is the cleanest way to go? -The least intrusive? -A way to contain the mess? -A way so what's left can do some good? -Scenarios play in my mind. -Some may notice. -A few will cry. -No one breaks. -Everyone moves on. -My life is pointless. Pointless. Pointless. -I am useless. Useless. Useless. -If I keep smiling and laughing and eating and talking, no one will see me shaking. -No one will see my tears. -No one will see my bruises. -Or hear my unspoken words: ""if, by then, I'm still alive"". - -~~~ - -Thanks for reading my crappy writing if you made it this far. - -I wrote this tonight because my brain wouldn't shut up. I've had all these thoughts on and off for a while now. I feel like these thoughts are becoming more and more frequent and intrusive. I reached out to my primary care physician asking about a psychiatrist and I was told to find one myself since it wasn't clear I needed a referral. Then I tried a couple of time to find one online and couldn't find one in my area I was willing to talk to. So I gave up. If I'm at work and interacting, I'm mostly ok. I think I only had really fucked up thoughts once or twice. But if I'm alone at nights my brain goes haywire and this stuff pops in. I need to stay busy to keep it out but I'm too lazy to stay busy enough to keep it out. - -Anyway I'm not a danger to myself right now. I don't have the means to play out the scenarios in my head. And I haven't tried to get them. I don't want anyone I know to read this but I need to share it somewhere so I can only post it here.",1,making plan jotting laugh emoji response friend know sentence end unspoken still alive tightness chest breath eating hating eating hating hating hold back tear steadily typing despite intrusive thought suicide cleanest way go least intrusive way contain mess way left good scenario play mind may notice cry one break everyone move life pointless pointless pointless useless useless useless keep smiling laughing eating talking one see shaking one see tear one see bruise hear unspoken word still alive thanks reading crappy writing made far wrote tonight brain shut thought feel like thought becoming frequent intrusive reached primary care physician asking psychiatrist told find one since clear needed referral tried couple time find one online find one area willing talk gave work interacting mostly ok think really fucked thought twice alone night brain go haywire stuff pop need stay busy keep lazy stay busy enough keep anyway danger right mean play scenario head tried get want anyone know read need share somewhere post -"Hypothetically speaking, if I went to walmart and bought some motor oil, a lighter and a bottle of water. Then I went out to the parking lot, removed my shirt, and then doused my arm on fire? - -I'm not looking to kill myself I just want self harm in a different way than cutting anf bashing my head with blunt objects.",1,hypothetically speaking went walmart bought motor oil lighter bottle water went parking lot removed shirt doused arm fire looking kill want self harm different way cutting anf bashing head blunt object -"I'm only 15 3 years ago I was really one of the famous kids in school everything was going well until first quarantine started. I became probably the most antisocial person. It was the last half year of school so didn't go anywhere because I was doing online lessons.i didn't go out with friends at all until next year where quarantine stopped for 1 month so had to go to school again. I started getting bullied by my own friends. I couldn't handle it. I was thinking of commiting suicide back then to. I got through it but this made me even more antisocial. I couldn't trust anyone for a really long time because as I said these were my own friends bullying me for fun. Now at the 3rd year everything is kinda ok. I started going out with friends again 1 month ago after so long but I don't like going out with them. 2 weeks ago I was in bed thinking and my hole life what I like the most is video games and lucid dreaming. I thought the reasons why these are the only staff I enjoy to the conclusion that they offer me just an escape from sad reality. Which is me not enjoying literally anything else. School is my biggest enemy, my hole life I wait for it to be over but just can't deal with it anymore only for me to wait every day to end just to basically sleep and play some video games . So I faked being sick with a lot of fever for the past 2 weeks to escape school and all the stress I have in life. My parents took me to the doctor and he said to do a lot of tests so we can see what is my ""illness"" my parents found out because the tests showed that I don't have anything. They weren't mad because they think that I have a reasonable reason for doing all these and they are right but I can't tell them all of these I just can't find the power.",1,year ago really one famous kid school everything going well first quarantine started became probably antisocial person last half year school go anywhere online lesson go friend next year quarantine stopped month go school started getting bullied friend handle thinking commiting suicide back got made even antisocial trust anyone really long time said friend bullying fun rd year everything kinda ok started going friend month ago long like going week ago bed thinking hole life like video game lucid dreaming thought reason staff enjoy conclusion offer escape sad reality enjoying literally anything else school biggest enemy hole life wait deal anymore wait every day end basically sleep play video game faked sick lot fever past week escape school stress life parent took doctor said lot test see illness parent found test showed anything mad think reasonable reason right tell find power -,1,nan -I want to be dead. Ive been suicidal for years. Im such a fucking retard filled with regret and anger. Im done with life. I want all of this to stop. Why I cant do one thing right.,1,want dead ive suicidal year im fucking retard filled regret anger im done life want stop cant one thing right -,1,nan -I'm tired and exhausted. At this point I'm just someone else and I don't even know how to carry on like that. I've tried to kill myself several times. I've lost everybody and I'm scared of the silence now.,1,tired exhausted point someone else even know carry like tried kill several time lost everybody scared silence -"I am 20, live in the USA, full time college student, and full time journalist. I am in my third year of college which is not going as good as I want just like the first two years. - -I don't know what to do anymore, I don;t think I want to commit suicide but I feel stuck and I don't see any forward momentum for myself so I just really don't know what to do anymore and I have practically no interest in my job or school. I don't think I can continue to do both but I can't do one without the other either due to finances and lack of a degree. - -I feel helpless and on top of that, I have a heart transplant which makes me reliant on employment eventually. - -Someone please help me I am caught between wanting to succeed and wanting to fall asleep and never wake up.",1,0 live usa full time college student full time journalist third year college going good want like first two year know anymore think want commit suicide feel stuck see forward momentum really know anymore practically interest job school think continue one without either due finance lack degree feel helpless top heart transplant make reliant employment eventually someone please help caught wanting succeed wanting fall asleep never wake -"Alrighty folks, I've been ready to go for a while but I guess now it feels more right to leave this world. No offence but this has been the most boring, nonsense tenure ever and I have no idea how the majority have deluded themselves into staying in a world that is mostly just a turd with sparkles and corn in it then call it the 'spice of life'. I am increasingly bored with life, nothing is worth the effort or struggle to do what- die later? That is not appetizing. - -I quite uni, I quit therapy, I quit meds. I don't really want to be here anymore but I am constantly held back by my own laziness. I just want to sleep all the time to the point that I hope that any merciful god would give me death as a reward for withstanding such a shitty existence. - -I haven't even mentioned what was wrong with mine. The list is short and simple: - -1. I really dislike the premise of working for everything. -2. I dislike working for something and the feeling of accomplishment is a dull tap and I am wondering wtf I just pulled all my teeth out for. -3. Nothing is really ever worth it. I am not remarkable, average or even good. Anything I have is as replaceable as a wasted battery and that is ok. Nobody relies on me and that is the best place to be for someone who wants out. - -I know I don't need any reason to justify wanted to make a grand exit, I think its almost abusive to sedate someone into living, gaslight their entire experience for extra hands in the population politics cog. Too many people are wastes of space and have absolutely nothing yet still have convinced themselves that life is better than the great void. - -&#x200B; - -Anyway I finally picked my method of exit. Kawabonga bitches!!!",1,alrighty folk ready go guess feel right leave world offence boring nonsense tenure ever idea majority deluded staying world mostly turd sparkle corn call spice life increasingly bored life nothing worth effort struggle die later appetizing quite uni quit therapy quit med really want anymore constantly held back laziness want sleep time point hope merciful god would give death reward withstanding shitty existence even mentioned wrong mine list short simple really dislike premise working everything dislike working something feeling accomplishment dull tap wondering wtf pulled teeth nothing really ever worth remarkable average even good anything replaceable wasted battery ok nobody relies best place someone want know need reason justify wanted make grand exit think almost abusive sedate someone living gaslight entire experience extra hand population politics cog many people waste space absolutely nothing yet still convinced life better great void amp x 00b anyway finally picked method exit kawabonga bitch -I’m literally fighting the urge to slit my wrists and my mom keeps yelling at me today has been impossible I just want to end it all. I can’t take this shit anymore.,1,literally fighting urge slit wrist mom keep yelling today impossible want end take shit anymore -"I'm so sick of life and the suffering and bullshit I have to go through just to get a small and short lived taste of fake happiness. I want to kill myself but I'm afraid that the light at the end of the tunnel is right there but it never is. I just can't bring myself to do it and I hate myself for it. I'm stuck on the edge of just barley getting by and trying to convince myself to give up. I feel pathetic even typing this, anyone else going through what I am would've found help by now and become a normal person, not vented to a website since they feel like they can't tell anyone else. I just want it to be over, I don't know how I blew the opportunity of a life I was given, so many people do so much more with so much less but I wasn't given the tools to deal with this, I'm too emotionally and mentally weak. I don't know what else the problem could be, and I'm not brave enough to choose the only solution and end it. I hope this didn't bring anyone else down. I know everyone out there has it in them to be happy, I'm not sure about myself though, I can't provide myself that same kind of confidence.",1,sick life suffering bullshit go get small short lived taste fake happiness want kill afraid light end tunnel right never bring hate stuck edge barley getting trying convince give feel pathetic even typing anyone else going would found help become normal person vented website since feel like tell anyone else want know blew opportunity life given many people much much le given tool deal emotionally mentally weak know else problem could brave enough choose solution end hope bring anyone else know everyone happy sure though provide kind confidence -What a fucked up little world we are living in,1,fucked little world living -"I don’t know how much longer I’m gonna wait. Could be a few days or a couple weeks or months. Definitely by the end of the year though. It all depends on if it gets even worse and how much worse it gets. If it gets better then I won’t do it. But I don’t see that happening given the pattern. - -It’s like every month I lose someone else, every day I get a bigger workload and enjoy the things I like a little less. I’m an alcoholic and I’m not even old enough to drink. - -I’ve promised it to myself so many times because it’s comforting feeling like the way out is close even if it’s not happening. But this time is different. This time I really don’t think I can go on. - -Maybe I’m just a baby. Maybe I’m over dramatic. Maybe I’m a piece of shit who deserves to die, or deserves to live miserable. It doesn’t matter anymore. The reasons I have aren’t gonna go away or get better just because people tell me they aren’t good reasons. - -Sorry to everyone. I’m glad I made a new account, so they won’t see this specific post at least. I’m probably gonna post the note to instagram right as it’s happening just so it’s out there and people know and I don’t just disappear from everything and leave anyone worrying.",1,know much longer gon na wait could day couple week month definitely end year though depends get even worse much worse get get better see happening given pattern like every month lose someone else every day get bigger workload enjoy thing like little le alcoholic even old enough drink promised many time comforting feeling like way close even happening time different time really think go maybe baby maybe dramatic maybe piece shit deserves die deserves live miserable matter anymore reason gon na go away get better people tell good reason sorry everyone glad made new account see specific post least probably gon na post note instagram right happening people know disappear everything leave anyone worrying -"today i felt like doing something about this so i decided to make an account and come here. ive been suicidal for like a year now and i cant fucking bear it. ive almost killed myself quite alot but apparently i have a habit of pussying out of everything. i dont know if im dealing with depression or if life is just giving me shit but im finally going to try to get help. i also might just stop using this account all together. i dont really know what people say here and i dont know what to say myself, and thinking about it i dont even know why im doing this",1,today felt like something decided make account come ive suicidal like year cant fucking bear ive almost killed quite alot apparently habit pussying everything dont know im dealing depression life giving shit im finally going try get help also might stop using account together dont really know people say dont know say thinking dont even know im -"It seems I need to revise my plan especially the date of my plan because even if I go through with it, it will be thwarted because someone is currently freeloading in the house I am currently living in. I don't want any disturbance and obstacles in my plans... I will plan and re-schedule. WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY NOW, I HAVE PLANNED THIS FOR A COUPLE MONTHS BUT WHY NOW, WHY WOULD THERE BE AN UNEXPECTED OBSTACLE OR DISTURBANCE NOW!!!!!!....... I JUST WANT MY ETERNAL REST",1,seems need revise plan especially date plan even go thwarted someone currently freeloading house currently living want disturbance obstacle plan plan schedule planned couple month would unexpected obstacle disturbance want eternal rest -"tbh idk why im writing this. im struggling a lot ig? I tried overdosing 9 days ago and barely nothing happened, and the small amount of euphoria I got the next couple of days was amazing... idk just the fact that I \*could\* die was comforting? so now imma try midol... I only have like 10 tablets, ill prob only take 8... it prob wont work but idgaf anymore - -edit: would anyone know if this would work?",1,tbh idk im writing im struggling lot ig tried overdosing 9 day ago barely nothing happened small amount euphoria got next couple day amazing idk fact could die comforting imma try midol like 0 tablet ill prob take prob wont work idgaf anymore edit would anyone know would work -How would anyone feel about this personally? If you were to commit suicide and repeat the ever-going cycle of reincarnation but with no purpose but to keep living the same failures over and over again. No hell just a cycle or repeat of the same thing over and over again. I'd be pissed personally.,1,would anyone feel personally commit suicide repeat ever going cycle reincarnation purpose keep living failure hell cycle repeat thing pissed personally -"I can't keep running from how empty I feel. How everything feels so forced and fake. I'm 22 and the social problems began from a very young age, the familial problems also. I guess I learned from a very young age to brush things under the rug and bury all of my emotions to the point where I've been detached from myself for probably 15 years now. I've been to therapy 4 different times and am likely starting again soon but to be honest I don't think it's going to go anywhere until I can be honest with myself but I literally don't know how. It's like there's this pit of intense pain that's constantly buried deep within my chest that I suppose will either give me answers or kill me from shame. All I know is socializing is completely traumatizing to me, school as well. I don't know if anybody can relate but I just don't know how to figure myself out or if it's just all in my head. I must sound so crazy to anybody reading this but please if you have any questions it might really help me to be able to answer them anonymously and unpack stuff. I'm committed to understanding why everybody treats me like I'm some freak, I know I'm not completely hideous but beyond that I don't think I know what's going on. There's like this deep disconnect between how I act even by myself and who I am internally I believe. I don't know if any of this makes sense but please ask about my childhood or whatever I gotta understand even if it kills me.",1,keep running empty feel everything feel forced fake social problem began young age familial problem also guess learned young age brush thing rug bury emotion point detached probably year therapy different time likely starting soon honest think going go anywhere honest literally know like pit intense pain constantly buried deep within chest suppose either give answer kill shame know socializing completely traumatizing school well know anybody relate know figure head must sound crazy anybody reading please question might really help able answer anonymously unpack stuff committed understanding everybody treat like freak know completely hideous beyond think know going like deep disconnect act even internally believe know make sense please ask childhood whatever got ta understand even kill -,1,nan -"I have made up my mind. I am going to kill myself tomorrow. I'll be alone in the house for atleast 8 hours so no one will be there to check up on me or save me. I have the razor blades and pills I'm going to use. I have alcohol too and I'm going to get drunk while I harm myself. I'm hoping to go before anyone finds me. I can't deal with life anymore. I can't do this anymore. I'm not going to say my goodbyes. This is goodbye. I hope y'all are able to heal. This is going to be it for me. - -Goodbye.",1,made mind going kill tomorrow alone house atleast hour one check save razor blade pill going use alcohol going get drunk harm hoping go anyone find deal life anymore anymore going say goodbye goodbye hope able heal going goodbye -"I shouldn’t post here, or anywhere else but I have nothing else, so firstly I want to apologize. I’m sorry that you have to read this, first off because it’s all nonsense and also because it may be stupid or weird since English isn’t my first language. - - -I have nothing. No family, no friends, no job, I’m stuck in my apartment because I’m a coward (psychiatrist tells me I have agoraphobia but I don’t think it’s true). I’m just a waste of time, space and money. -There’s no need for me to still be here. I’ve tried multiple times to end it all, when my family were still here I got caught and sent to psychiatric ward, and now it’s a neighbor who knew my dad, he keeps coming again and again to see if I’m ok. I’m wasting his time as well, like I waste your time writing this. - - -I don’t even know why I need to do this, it’s not like I want any help, nor I need any help. Maybe I just want to leave something somewhere, testify about loneliness and mental illness. -I’m already shameful, just thinking about somebody will see this and witness how I’m such a stupid human being just complaining about nothing, playing the victim although I’m not. - -Long time ago I thought I was a victim tho. My dad did things to me, people at schools bullied me. I was thinking like that, my mindset was fxcked up. Now that I’ve rethink about it, all I see is : the problem was and still is me. I can’t blame others over what i did. - -I don’t wish this to my worst enemy. This void that keep devoting me, taking more and more space, making me disappear slowly. -Again, I’m sorry about all that. And thanks to this sub if that post is not removed. - -If you’re in this state, I hope you’ll get better soon. I don’t know you, but you’re worth it. Don’t let anybody tell you otherwise and never give up on things you like or that makes you feel good.",1,post anywhere else nothing else firstly want apologize sorry read first nonsense also may stupid weird since english first language nothing family friend job stuck apartment coward psychiatrist tell agoraphobia think true waste time space money need still tried multiple time end family still got caught sent psychiatric ward neighbor knew dad keep coming see ok wasting time well like waste time writing even know need like want help need help maybe want leave something somewhere testify loneliness mental illness already shameful thinking somebody see witness stupid human complaining nothing playing victim although long time ago thought victim tho dad thing people school bullied thinking like mindset fxcked rethink see problem still blame others wish worst enemy void keep devoting taking space making disappear slowly sorry thanks sub post removed state hope get better soon know worth let anybody tell otherwise never give thing like make feel good -"In 2018, I found out a former ""friend"" and person I used to have sex with in 2016 was posting my naked photos to a nude sharing reddit page/kik and trading them with strangers on the internet. We lived in two different countries when I discovered this and the only thing I could do was call/email with the police in his area and inform his girlfriend at the time. The police didn't really do much, but they were able to track him down and tell him (by phone or in person, not really sure) that he should delete the images he has of me. That was all that came of it, the police couldn't really even ensure he had deleted them. His girlfriend broke up with him. I did speak to him and he sounded sorry to have been caught, he didn't seem to feel bad at all for how he made me feel. Ever since I have been struggling with this. I feel extremely violated and stupid, especially since he could still have the photos and be trading them with other people. - -I was only 20 and he was 35 when we were sharing nudes and having sex, and I feel like I did something that could potentially follow me forever. I was struggling hard with mental illness at the time. I also had very little sleep and a stressful schedule, I feel like I went into some depressive spiral and I started doing dangerous and promiscuous things, including being with him. I know it's not an excuse however. - -Most days I just try not to think about what happened, but some days, it comes so strong and I get an intense urge to kill myself. I am currently married to the love of my life and he was an amazing support when I discovered my images online in 2018. I know doing something bad to myself would absolutely crush him, but I feel so worthless sometimes. I still feel so violated. I have the guy blocked on facebook, but I know who his current partner is and I occasionally type in the usernames he used to share images to make sure there havent been any posts since then. He still seems to have a kik username active under the same name, but I have no idea if he is still using it. The police told me it would be hard to prosecute for something like this, so telling me that I should try to get legal help is useless. I obviously can't tell most people about this, only my husband knows, so thank you for listening. It's been years now since this all happened and I still occasionally feel extremely suicidal over it, I don't know what to do to stop this. I struggle with depression and anxiety on top of this, but I usually don't feel suicidal unless this comes up. Thanks for listening.",1,0 found former friend person used sex 0 posting naked photo nude sharing reddit page kik trading stranger internet lived two different country discovered thing could call email police area inform girlfriend time police really much able track tell phone person really sure delete image came police really even ensure deleted girlfriend broke speak sounded sorry caught seem feel bad made feel ever since struggling feel extremely violated stupid especially since could still photo trading people 0 sharing nude sex feel like something could potentially follow forever struggling hard mental illness time also little sleep stressful schedule feel like went depressive spiral started dangerous promiscuous thing including know excuse however day try think happened day come strong get intense urge kill currently married love life amazing support discovered image online 0 know something bad would absolutely crush feel worthless sometimes still feel violated guy blocked facebook know current partner occasionally type usernames used share image make sure havent post since still seems kik username active name idea still using police told would hard prosecute something like telling try get legal help useless obviously tell people husband know thank listening year since happened still occasionally feel extremely suicidal know stop struggle depression anxiety top usually feel suicidal unless come thanks listening -"I'm on antipsychotics and they make me sleep for 12 hours. I would like to sleep for even longer if possible. (And no, I don't think upping my dose of antipsychotics will make me sleep longer, and besides I don't want more side effects)",1,antipsychotic make sleep hour would like sleep even longer possible think upping dose antipsychotic make sleep longer besides want side effect -When you’re having a mental breakdown because you realize the your dream/the thing that kept you motivated is completely unobtainable. An impossibility. Nothing more than a pipe dream. I’m breaking down y’all. I wanna put a bullet in my head.,1,mental breakdown realize dream thing kept motivated completely unobtainable impossibility nothing pipe dream breaking wan na put bullet head -"I just want to go to sleep forever. I don't want to feel anything anymore. What feels good never lasts and what hurts, hurts longer than it should. - -I'd rather just not feel at all.",1,want go sleep forever want feel anything anymore feel good never last hurt hurt longer rather feel -"We found out a couple of days ago that my dog needed to be put down. We had a beautiful last day with her yesterday. Technically she was the family dog, but she spent the most time with me and turned into an unofficial support dog for me. She has been with me through trauma and therapy and everything in-between. She has been my rock. - -Scarlett has been an anchor point, a grounding into the world. She has been the only thing that has stayed steady in a world of ups and downs. She was there no matter the mood, or how sick I was. She has kept me engaged with the outside world, walks and beginning interactions. She greeted the world with a smile no matter what. She forced you to give her affection and in turn forced hers on you. She has been the definition of unconditional love in my life, mainly because I can't assume or misunderstand what she does or says. She has been my safe place, both physically and mentally. I didn't want to leave her behind not understanding. - -I've been struggling with everything even with her to bring me calm. I don't know how to do this without her. I've been using numbness to try and stop myself from shattering, but as it splinters into smaller and smaller pieces there's only so long it can hold. As I hear the splintering standing on the cliffs edge, the ground starts to shake. I know that if I move I will explode into tiny fragments and that I can't escape from the edge of the cliff falling. -The splinters are so small I won't be able to be put back together without missing pieces. The fall into the abyss will spread the fragments far and wide. There isn't a way to climb back out this time. There isn't the energy to hope enough to look. - -I don't want to die specifically. I just can't keep doing this anymore. I'm beyond tired, I'm spent. I can't see any other options. I've tried and tried and tried different treatments. I've pushed to do exercise and socialise and do what other people have decided is the best for me. I've taken medication, even with shitty side effects. Taking some rest time with no appointments or 'pressure' was lovely but didn't change anything inside. -I've been fighting as hard as I can. And it hasn't been enough. -I began having passive suicidality when I was 8. And having 2 intense traumas later certainly didn't help. The past year has been the hardest and lowest I've ever reached. I've been in and out of hospital, tried over 40 different meds, tried different therapies than I have in the past, had ECT and tried EMDR. I have a whole team. Mental health social worker, psych, intervention teams, a doctor, specialist and so on. - - The only advice that I was given when I explained that I was too tired was to push through. To keep going because there have been improvements, and people think it will change, and to be patient for things to start working, and maybe I should try doing more things or less things or have extra support or change my dosages or simplify my medication or go to hospital or an outpatient program. -I can't do anymore. I can't keep forcing myself onwards because other people will notice a change in the outside without much of a change inside. - -I know it's a selfish decision. And that it doesn't get rid of the pain, just passes over to the people around me. It will affect them forever, it won't disappear with time. I can't kid myself that they will get over it. As much as I think it will be the better option, I know none of them will agree. I can't look through rose coloured glasses saying it takes away the burden. It just changes it from me to the people around me. -I'd love to say my goodbyes with everyone and give them time to grieve and prepare with them. Have a perfect last day, making sure that everyone knows I love them and that it is no one's fault. Doing things with people that are special for us. Trying to say everything that I want to to people face to face. To give big hugs and laugh together one last time. I wish I could give everyone that. I'm so sorry that I can't and for the suffering that brings. - -There is too much to say to all the people who are precious in my life to write down. I'm sorry. I love you. You did nothing wrong. You are so important to me. I'm sorry that I stopped trying. Thank you for our relationship. You have added so much joy to my life. I believe in you and all you can achieve. I'm sorry that there is no time to come to terms with the idea. -I know there isn't any combination of words or thoughts that will make it any easier for anyone. I know there isn't anything that I can do to assuage the guilt and pain and anger. I wish I could, but that doesn't really matter does it. - -I don't even know if I can commit to finishing a plan. Everyone seems to think so, but I don't know. And if I can't go through with it then no-one needs to worry or be concerned because there isn't actually danger. And I can just be unhappy without the need for restriction and people feeling responsibility for me.",1,found couple day ago dog needed put beautiful last day yesterday technically family dog spent time turned unofficial support dog trauma therapy everything rock scarlett anchor point grounding world thing stayed steady world ups down matter mood sick kept engaged outside world walk beginning interaction greeted world smile matter forced give affection turn forced definition unconditional love life mainly assume misunderstand say safe place physically mentally want leave behind understanding struggling everything even bring calm know without using numbness try stop shattering splinter smaller smaller piece long hold hear splintering standing cliff edge ground start shake know move explode tiny fragment escape edge cliff falling splinter small able put back together without missing piece fall abyss spread fragment far wide way climb back time energy hope enough look want die specifically keep anymore beyond tired spent see option tried tried tried different treatment pushed exercise socialise people decided best taken medication even shitty side effect taking rest time appointment pressure lovely change anything inside fighting hard enough began passive suicidality intense trauma later certainly help past year hardest lowest ever reached hospital tried 0 different med tried different therapy past ect tried emdr whole team mental health social worker psych intervention team doctor specialist advice given explained tired push keep going improvement people think change patient thing start working maybe try thing le thing extra support change dosage simplify medication go hospital outpatient program anymore keep forcing onwards people notice change outside without much change inside know selfish decision get rid pain pass people around affect forever disappear time kid get much think better option know none agree look rose coloured glass saying take away burden change people around love say goodbye everyone give time grieve prepare perfect last day making sure everyone know love one fault thing people special u trying say everything want people face face give big hug laugh together one last time wish could give everyone sorry suffering brings much say people precious life write sorry love nothing wrong important sorry stopped trying thank relationship added much joy life believe achieve sorry time come term idea know combination word thought make easier anyone know anything assuage guilt pain anger wish could really matter even know commit finishing plan everyone seems think know go one need worry concerned actually danger unhappy without need restriction people feeling responsibility -"I'm terrible at articulating my thoughts so apologies in advance. Let me just say up front that no plan has been made and despite thinking about it so much I don't think I could go through with it. This is just a vent piece I guess. - -I feel like such a burden all the time. I genuinely only have one real friend left, and feel like my roommates/co workers hate me. - -I'm anti-social and awkward. I don't make eye contact and I don't talk at all ever. I take way too long to text back. If I did kms I honestly don't think anyone would know until a body was found or over a month had passed. - -I'm just so sick of feeling like an obstacle all the time, like I'm always in the way, or always wrong to think/feel a certain way. - -But all of this seems pretty normal? I realise it's not a healthy mindset but literally everyone on earth has trauma. Everyone has their own shit they're going through. And not only does it seem like they're handling it a lot better than me, but they have real problems. - -I have friends who lost their jobs over the pandemic. I have friends going through break ups, grief or whatever and they still manage to practice their hobbies and interact with their fellow man. - -But then there's me, doing literally fucking nothing all day every day after work and having the balls to feel like shit over it as if it's out of my control. - -I feel weak willed, lazy. And most of all I feel like the world's biggist egomaniac for writing so much about myself as if it needed to be said. - -Thank you for reading my aimless rambling, the thoughts were very intrusive tonight so I just needed to self depricate I guess. Good night everyone",1,terrible articulating thought apology advance let say front plan made despite thinking much think could go vent piece guess feel like burden time genuinely one real friend left feel like roommate co worker hate anti social awkward make eye contact talk ever take way long text back km honestly think anyone would know body found month passed sick feeling like obstacle time like always way always wrong think feel certain way seems pretty normal realise healthy mindset literally everyone earth trauma everyone shit going seem like handling lot better real problem friend lost job pandemic friend going break ups grief whatever still manage practice hobby interact fellow man literally fucking nothing day every day work ball feel like shit control feel weak willed lazy feel like world biggist egomaniac writing much needed said thank reading aimless rambling thought intrusive tonight needed self depricate guess good night everyone -"Hi Reddit, I’m not sure who else to turn to, as I recently had to stop seeing my therapist because I moved states and she is only licensed in my previous state of residence. I am looking for a new therapist, but I simply can’t keep this inside me anymore and I need a place to get it out. - -This year (and the last few months of 2021) has been the absolute worst of my entire life. I cannot believe the amount of negativity, loss, tragedy, and pure bad luck that I’ve been experiencing since fall of 2021. It’s been blow after blow and I can feel myself giving up. I’m giving up hope, I’m giving up my optimistic attitude, I’m giving up my will to continue existing. - -In August of 2021, my boyfriend of two years and I began our descent into what eventually led to our breakup in mid December. We shared an apartment in Oregon and I had to move out in January and move across the country, back to my hometown in Illinois. I was devastated about the breakup and under immense stress trying to find a moving company to haul my belongings such a long distance. I finally found one and it turned out to be a scam. They stole all my belongings and I’m in the middle of several complaints with them, but still have yet to see my things and I don’t think I ever will. I lost my boyfriend and my life’s worth of items at the same time. - -Living back at home has been difficult, as my sister lives here and we do not have the best relationship. She is severely mentally ill with addiction, depression, and borderline personality disorder, so it’s been very hard trying to manage her moods, outbursts, destruction, etc. She has attacked me many times, said countless hurtful things, and done endless physical damage to the house. Living with her is very stressful. - -On top of all this, my grandpa just died tonight. I got a call from my brother out of the blue. I can’t process this right now, and I’m at my wits end. - -In the past 3 months I’ve lost my boyfriend, whom I still love, my old apartment and old life in Oregon, all of my life’s worth of belongings, and now my grandpa. It��s almost funny how insanely negative this year has been. I simply cannot see myself recovering from all this loss and sadness, and I don’t know what to do. It is just too much and I have no hope or light left. I’m feeling suicidal.",1,hi reddit sure else turn recently stop seeing therapist moved state licensed previous state residence looking new therapist simply keep inside anymore need place get year last month 0 absolute worst entire life believe amount negativity loss tragedy pure bad luck experiencing since fall 0 blow blow feel giving giving hope giving optimistic attitude giving continue existing august 0 boyfriend two year began descent eventually led breakup mid december shared apartment oregon move january move across country back hometown illinois devastated breakup immense stress trying find moving company haul belonging long distance finally found one turned scam stole belonging middle several complaint still yet see thing think ever lost boyfriend life worth item time living back home difficult sister life best relationship severely mentally ill addiction depression borderline personality disorder hard trying manage mood outburst destruction etc attacked many time said countless hurtful thing done endless physical damage house living stressful top grandpa died tonight got call brother blue process right wit end past month lost boyfriend still love old apartment old life oregon life worth belonging grandpa almost funny insanely negative year simply see recovering loss sadness know much hope light left feeling suicidal -"I fell so fucking in love with my best friend and I’m feeling very alone and in a dangerous space rn. I normally would say more but I’m tired of telling people the same story and just plane exhausted. I just want someone to talk to. Don’t have to be therapeutic, just as a fellow human:)",1,fell fucking love best friend feeling alone dangerous space rn normally would say tired telling people story plane exhausted want someone talk therapeutic fellow human -I don’t want to be alive anymore. I hate being here. All I want to do is self harm and cry. I hate being in college and I think about hanging myself in my dorm everyday. I’ve already tried but was too much of a pussy to do so because I didn’t want to disable myself. I’ve already tried to reach out for help but it didn’t help. I was sent to an intensive outpatient program and it hasn’t helped. Nothing helps. I just want to put myself out of my misery.,1,want alive anymore hate want self harm cry hate college think hanging dorm everyday already tried much pussy want disable already tried reach help help sent intensive outpatient program helped nothing help want put misery -"Is it weird to think I’m getting closer and closer to taking my own life soon? Years and years of thinking but chickening out, maybe soon it will be my time. I attempted to swallow pills today and I think I’m one getting really close now. I hope I have the strength and courage one day to actually do it so I can finally rest and let go of this life… I am tired.",1,weird think getting closer closer taking life soon year year thinking chickening maybe soon time attempted swallow pill today think one getting really close hope strength courage one day actually finally rest let go life tired -"It all depends on how this goes. Im 20yo male who just got engaged around 2 months ago. We were planning on getting married and having kids together soon. Both started work at the same company making quite good money. - -But recently she tells me her feeling for me have changed. That she loves me but isnt sure we should stay together. She feels attracted to a female coworker of hers that is heterosexual so will never return that attraction. We‘ve decided to spend 19 days in an airbnb together to see if we can save the relationship but she told me today its not looking good. Also she revealed that coworker thing only today. I‘ve been staying at my parents house for around 2 weeks now but on sunday will go to the airbnb. - -I know you guys will tell me that she‘s not worth it but I can‘t change how I feel about her. I wish some of y‘all that have gone through similar situations could maybe give me some advice how I could still save this. - -If it doesn‘t work out, I will either hang myself or obtain Heroin to overdose on. I have already written a suicide note and mentally been preparing myself. I would do it on the last day while she‘s gone and ask her to come shortly before ending it or maybe even setting up a programme to send the message when I‘m already dead. This is so that she would find me and inform my relatives early enough. Call me an asshole but I think that the people that know me including her would learn from my death to treat people with more respect in the future. - -If all goes well I will continue living, if not so be it. - -The notes punchline is: -„I said I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. Well there‘s nothing that can change that anymore now.“",1,depends go im 0yo male got engaged around month ago planning getting married kid together soon started work company making quite good money recently tell feeling changed love isnt sure stay together feel attracted female coworker heterosexual never return attraction decided spend 9 day airbnb together see save relationship told today looking good also revealed coworker thing today staying parent house around week sunday go airbnb know guy tell worth change feel wish gone similar situation could maybe give advice could still save work either hang obtain heroin overdose already written suicide note mentally preparing would last day gone ask come shortly ending maybe even setting programme send message already dead would find inform relative early enough call asshole think people know including would learn death treat people respect future go well continue living note punchline said wanted spend rest life well nothing change anymore -"Shit hit the fans. A single tik tok comment from an anon account that can’t be traced back to me made 8 months ago and a comment I made about a girl 5 months ago have suddenly been brought up by this group of girls. They’ve made my “friends” drop me. I’m not miserably alone, as I have always been my whole miserable life. Now they’re trying to talk to my school admin. Man I just was excited to start college, but it might end up all being over. I wish I had the means to do it quickly and properly, without hurting my family.",1,shit hit fan single tik tok comment anon account traced back made month ago comment made girl month ago suddenly brought group girl made friend drop miserably alone always whole miserable life trying talk school admin man excited start college might end wish mean quickly properly without hurting family -"In today's society, it seems like no one really cares instead they're worried about lability litigation after something bad happens and want to shirk responsibility. - -That being said, would it be respectful to put my two weeks notice in before I commit suicide so they're ready for a replacement? - -Along with that, it wouldn't be a big thing that would slow everyone else down. - -I'm thinking about putting in my notice, I've had everything in place and in order, will, service, paid for everything beforehand etc. - -I'm just trying to make it easiest for the people who ""say"" they 'care' about me. Along with my employer and co workers, they won't be liable or responsible because they can't make me do anything.",1,today society seems like one really care instead worried lability litigation something bad happens want shirk responsibility said would respectful put two week notice commit suicide ready replacement along big thing would slow everyone else thinking putting notice everything place order service paid everything beforehand etc trying make easiest people say care along employer co worker liable responsible make anything -How do I go about telling a friend I'm suicidal? I feel like I'm just being dramatic but I'm having intense thoughts though I'm not sure I'd act on them and I don't have a proper plan though I'm always thinking about it. At the same time I don't want to bother anyone. It must be a horrible thing to hear from someone and there's nothing they can do really. But I'm not sure what I can do at this point either. I'm just so desperate.,1,go telling friend suicidal feel like dramatic intense thought though sure act proper plan though always thinking time want bother anyone must horrible thing hear someone nothing really sure point either desperate -"I tried to change things and live happier but nothing i do works, so im just gonna give up, bye",1,tried change thing live happier nothing work im gon na give bye -"I don’t know if it’s depression or loneliness or what. But I just feel like I’m a drain on this world and society as a whole. I’m never gonna be someone that impacts anyone’s life. No one is going to wake up one day and be like “Dang I miss *blank* what a great guy he was.” Outside of my family I’ll be forgotten in a matter of days, if not hours. I’m convinced that I’ve left no impact on this world, and won’t leave an impact of I’m here for 10 or 50 more years. I simply don’t see a point in staying alive if all I’m doing is draining resources without contributing. Thank you for reading if you did, I needed to get this feeling out before I actually do or attempt to do it. Even if I want to I probably won’t have the courage.",1,know depression loneliness feel like drain world society whole never gon na someone impact anyone life one going wake one day like dang miss blank great guy outside family forgotten matter day hour convinced left impact world leave impact 0 0 year simply see point staying alive draining resource without contributing thank reading needed get feeling actually attempt even want probably courage -I really need to fcking end it..I can't take it anymore here,1,really need fcking end take anymore -I just want the pain to end.,1,want pain end -"I have too many problems on my plate. - -Work is a commitment. Responsibilities are a commitment. Family is a commitment. Therapy is a commitment. Basic hygiene is a commitment. Taking care of myself is a commitment. Gaming is a commitment. Having friends is a commitment. Talking to people I care about is a commitment. Not falling asleep is a commitment. Caring is a commitment. Eating is a commitment. Taking my meds is a commitment. The list could go on forever. - -I'm not subscribed to Earth yet living here is a commitment.",1,many problem plate work commitment responsibility commitment family commitment therapy commitment basic hygiene commitment taking care commitment gaming commitment friend commitment talking people care commitment falling asleep commitment caring commitment eating commitment taking med commitment list could go forever subscribed earth yet living commitment -"I think I’ll try tonight, I’ll go on a late night walk and accidentally trip in front of a car. That way if I fail I won’t have to deal with all the shit.",1,think try tonight go late night walk accidentally trip front car way fail deal shit -"no really, i’m just angry at the world. i have mental illnesses and everything, but i really blame the world because there’s no systems that can help me. i’m sure y’all feel the same. we’re forgotten and fall between the cracks and there’s no help. i’m angry that i can’t get better, angry that i’m getting worse, angry that i probably can’t off myself without my sister quickly following. the fact that i can’t escape this life because i have loved ones (just 1 actually) is almost rude. love shouldn’t make me feel trapped in existence but it does. - -i’m running out of money because i can’t work fulltime so it looks like if i do end up dying, it’ll be at the world’s hand, not mine.",1,really angry world mental illness everything really blame world system help sure feel forgotten fall crack help angry get better angry getting worse angry probably without sister quickly following fact escape life loved one actually almost rude love make feel trapped existence running money work fulltime look like end dying world hand mine -"I’m an awful person, I treat my friends like trash and they don’t care about me which they have the right to do. If I died literally everyone I know would be better. I’m being a dick to my best friend and she still tried to make me feel better, why? I don’t deserve that. I wanted to overdose today but my mom doesn’t have any pills for me to use. I’m this close to ending this shit. I’m pathetic and nobody is worth less than me",1,awful person treat friend like trash care right died literally everyone know would better dick best friend still tried make feel better deserve wanted overdose today mom pill use close ending shit pathetic nobody worth le -"You can be a guy or girl just make sure your an adult that’s 20 years old and up. Just trying to make friends , I legit haven’t had a friend in 2 years, I do get depressed from time to time but I’m currently not that much. I don’t have the guts to end it because I fear the unknown , but I’m here and gonna continue to do good in life for my own happiness . Any like minded people I can talk to lmk. I’m here to listen. Just don’t be crazy",1,guy girl make sure adult 0 year old trying make friend legit friend year get depressed time time currently much gut end fear unknown gon na continue good life happiness like minded people talk lmk listen crazy -"i want to die so badly. even just cut. do something to ease this pain. but my mom took all my blades, all my options, even my medications. i have no access to anything anymore and i feel empty. hollow. i want to die so badly but i cant, because i have no means. thats the only real reason i'm alive right now, is i dont have a way to unalive. send help im not well im crying everything is terrible and i want out. there really should be a log out option on life so you can take a break and come back if/when youre ready to face this hell",1,want die badly even cut something ease pain mom took blade option even medication access anything anymore feel empty hollow want die badly cant mean thats real reason alive right dont way unalive send help im well im cry everything terrible want really log option life take break come back youre ready face hell -"I'm so scared of you these days, I miss being happy",1,scared day miss happy - I want to be dead. Ive been suicidal for years. Im such a fucking retard filled with regret and anger. Im done with life. I want all of this to stop. Why I cant do one thing right.,1,want dead ive suicidal year im fucking retard filled regret anger im done life want stop cant one thing right -"Last night, my girlfriend (20F) of two and a half years told me (20M) that my depression symptoms have been taking a toll on her. She told me that she sees my progress and my growth, but (this is in summary, as she talks around her meaning) it's not enough. It's exhausting her and making her feel poorly. My exhaustion and lack of self and confidence and inner love. So I had to apologize to her last night, and I'm trying to show that I'm growing. But I feel so fucking hopeless right now. And it's only been getting worse. I joined this community because I'm sure I won't actually do it, but I need something to remind me and something to feel less alone because holy fuck am I alone. I feel devoid of love and worth, and I'm struggling to find ways to place it on myself. I can't validate it if it's for me. And I can only form a half-life of happiness if I use someone else as the foundation, so that's superficial. I'm really trying to keep going. But it's so hard. It's exhausting. I just want to sleep all the time. - -There's so much more in regards to our relationship. I've been trying to support her and make amends for who I was when we first met. I brought my trauma into it and lashed out at her in ways of gaslighting, infidelity and emotional neglect. She didn't have any trigger for me to lash out at her. I just thought she wanted to use me for self satisfaction, but I'm told that's love now. I'm confused. There are two sides of my mind, one an optimist and a lover, the other a cynic and a narcissist. I want to purge my brain of these things. - -I'm sorry this is so scattered. I'll try to speak more coherently later. Brain no work.",1,last night girlfriend 0f two half year told 0m depression symptom taking toll told see progress growth summary talk around meaning enough exhausting making feel poorly exhaustion lack self confidence inner love apologize last night trying show growing feel fucking hopeless right getting worse joined community sure actually need something remind something feel le alone holy fuck alone feel devoid love worth struggling find way place validate form half life happiness use someone else foundation superficial really trying keep going hard exhausting want sleep time much regard relationship trying support make amends first met brought trauma lashed way gaslighting infidelity emotional neglect trigger lash thought wanted use self satisfaction told love confused two side mind one optimist lover cynic narcissist want purge brain thing sorry scattered try speak coherently later brain work -"My other alt account was deleted, so I'm posting here. Today, I had a mental breakdown on the basis of what I feel are good things in my life disappearing inexplicably, oftentimes whenever I attempt interaction with aforementioned ""good thing."" The last straw was today over a fairly trivial issue, but I broke down because of so many things that had happened recently in my past that I was unable to shrug off. My life is fairly good, and I am very lucky to be living in a household full of opportunities; however, it feels as though whenever I try to fully indulge in what's provided to me, whether it be by my hand or anothers, it's normally gone in no time flat. - -About the call: I was in the middle of my breakdown, and tried to take the rational course of action (calling the hotline because I desperately needed to talk with somebody), only to vent my frustrations and promptly be hung up on by the person on the other end of the line. I tried calling twice more ok case I hung up on then by accident, but was almost immediately disconnected... And the last time, wasn't able to be connected with anyone. Fuck, what if I were actually about to commit suicide, and just wanted someone to talk with- only to find out that they didn't care about my problems, either? It angers me just typing this. - -I'm sick of living this way... I don't think suicide is the answer, but I really just need someone to talk with about my frustrations. Thanks for reading, and hopefully your day is better than mine.",1,alt account deleted posting today mental breakdown basis feel good thing life disappearing inexplicably oftentimes whenever attempt interaction aforementioned good thing last straw today fairly trivial issue broke many thing happened recently past unable shrug life fairly good lucky living household full opportunity however feel though whenever try fully indulge provided whether hand anothers normally gone time flat call middle breakdown tried take rational course action calling hotline desperately needed talk somebody vent frustration promptly hung person end line tried calling twice ok case hung accident almost immediately disconnected last time able connected anyone fuck actually commit suicide wanted someone talk find care problem either anger typing sick living way think suicide answer really need someone talk frustration thanks reading hopefully day better mine -"I (30f) already struggle with suicidal ideation. I’m just tired, so tired. This last six months has been the toughest six months of my life. I’ve been with this guy(30m) For five years. He has been a step up dad for my daughter(10f) nearly from the beginning of our relationship. Very early had always plan to get married and have children together. My feelings for him have always been so strong. He always made me feel like he was different. Like he understood my trauma and wanted to hold my hand through my healing. Not set mine and my daughters life on fire. I moved to the other side of our country to be with him. We have had ups and downs. I found out six months ago he has a new girlfriend and she also as a you g child (3f). Long story short he’s leaving me for her. Our lease is up at the end of April and my daughter and I have nowhere to go. We will be homeless for a while until I can move back to my parents. My ex-husband (32m) found out we won’t have a stable place to live for a little while and is filing for custody of my daughter. My ex-husband is it has been extremely abusive to me since I was 18. None of the abuse was ever documented because I never wanted to call the police. He always made me feel like I deserved it. I ended up losing my well paying job due to my emotional state. My daughter and i don’t have family or friends here (none that aren’t deeply tied to my now ex bf). I don’t feel like I have deserved any of this shit. Im the go to person that always helps Everyone. Now I’m going to have nothing and I have no one willing to show up for me and my kid. We also have two dogs I will have to rehome because he refuses to take them and I can’t hardly care for myself and my daughter right now. I’m literally about to lose everything. I’ve been chewed up and spit out my whole life. I suffered a lot of emotional and sexual abuse as a child too. -I don’t genuinely want to die but I also don’t want to feel anymore. Like I really don’t know if I could survive losing my daughter! That kid is my world! Please how do I make it stop!? I can’t go out like this!",1,0f already struggle suicidal ideation tired tired last six month toughest six month life guy 0m five year step dad daughter 0f nearly beginning relationship early always plan get married child together feeling always strong always made feel like different like understood trauma wanted hold hand healing set mine daughter life fire moved side country ups down found six month ago new girlfriend also g child f long story short leaving lease end april daughter nowhere go homeless move back parent ex husband found stable place live little filing custody daughter ex husband extremely abusive since none abuse ever documented never wanted call police always made feel like deserved ended losing well paying job due emotional state daughter family friend none deeply tied ex bf feel like deserved shit im go person always help everyone going nothing one willing show kid also two dog rehome refuse take hardly care daughter right literally lose everything chewed spit whole life suffered lot emotional sexual abuse child genuinely want die also want feel anymore like really know could survive losing daughter kid world please make stop go like -I want doctor assisted suicide. No one cares. A store I was at last night was being robbed. I didn’t hide. Just went about my business. Thought it would be best for my family and me if I was killed. The police didn’t care. They never showed up. The loneliness is unbearable.,1,want doctor assisted suicide one care store last night robbed hide went business thought would best family killed police care never showed loneliness unbearable -"I feel like people would be better off if I wasn’t here anymore. I’m considering jumping off a bridge. I feel so trapped in my own emotions after losing a good chunk of my friends purely because I ended a relationship that I wasn’t happy in. I feel like a horrible person and the idea of jumping off a bridge doesn’t upset me anymore. - -I feel happier that if I’d want to end it, I could and leave my family with more money / time. I’m conflicted. I want to die but what would become of my family, my sister, my remaining friends? What about Nicole? Would she be able to handle another friend ending their life? How about Snowey? He is like a little brother too me? What about my sister? Could I leave her during a crucial time in her life? I don’t know. - -Life is so painful right now.",1,feel like people would better anymore considering jumping bridge feel trapped emotion losing good chunk friend purely ended relationship happy feel like horrible person idea jumping bridge upset anymore feel happier want end could leave family money time conflicted want die would become family sister remaining friend nicole would able handle another friend ending life snowey like little brother sister could leave crucial time life know life painful right -"I have no will to live anymore, but i cant kill myself because i dont want to hurt my mom or anyone else who cares about me. I fucked up my school career and have no motivation on anything in life. And im only 14 years old. Sorry for my bad english lol",1,live anymore cant kill dont want hurt mom anyone else care fucked school career motivation anything life im year old sorry bad english lol -,1,nan -I just want someone to give me a reason not to go down this spiral and no one will everyone has their own lives and he’s going to leave me soon I know it he’s tired of the crying and self harm If he leaves me I’ll just be alone and I’ll have nothing left to live for,1,want someone give reason go spiral one everyone life going leave soon know tired cry self harm leaf alone nothing left live -If you ever read my post on my profile you know that I have an obsession about being a cheater (I’ll worry and worry etc). I read something very triggering on Reddit. And I decided that I don’t want to be on earth knowing that I did that to someone (or if I did).,1,ever read post profile know obsession cheater worry worry etc read something triggering reddit decided want earth knowing someone -You ever see a grassy hillside and want to just melt into the soil and be consumed by the plants?,1,ever see grassy hillside want melt soil consumed plant -"She was my only hope.. the only person I thought loved me. She only loves me as a brother. Her ex which I’m friends with, showed me a message of him asking her what if I had a crush on her. (August 2021) in January we kissed and everything, then after a couple of days our love stopped. I keep telling her that I love her and care for her and she doesn’t say it back. I’m alone.. alone forever. I have a knife, next to me, I’m scared to do it tho. I’m scared of death but wanna die.",1,hope person thought loved love brother ex friend showed message asking crush august 0 january kissed everything couple day love stopped keep telling love care say back alone alone forever knife next scared tho scared death wan na die -i stood up for myself about not being credited for artwork used by my school and now somehow that has lead to a teacher talking about me to my peers behind my back and me being harassed by a woman who works for the school on their drama productions. i contacted my principal and he has not responded. my mom says if i go to anyone higher up i will get in trouble. i feel trapped. everyone hates me now and the rest of my school year is going to be horrible. i feel like the only way to fix this situation is to die. i fucked everything up,1,stood credited artwork used school somehow lead teacher talking peer behind back harassed woman work school drama production contacted principal responded mom say go anyone higher get trouble feel trapped everyone hate rest school year going horrible feel like way fix situation die fucked everything -" - -I'm really desperate. I'm a 26 yr old guy with no job (even if i graduated from college), no girlfriend (Never kissed or hugged a girl in my life), no real friends (most of them are toxic & manipulative), nothing special about me ! i don't know if i'm pretty or ugly, smart or dumber, i'm so confused about my self image. it's like i live in hell. - -Get rejected by ton of girls, ton of job offers, i feel like i will live my whole life virgin single jobless loser!!! - -I'm too nice, too shy, always extremely anxious and stressful, dealing with brain fog, bad accent, shitty voice, low self-esteem, zero talent nothing good about me (only good at math & coding), i can't hold a good conversation with anyone (only with my mom & my brother i feel kinda confident speaking) - -And it's been a while i'm depressed, living with a dark mood, i feel like i'm a loser & i can do nothing, i can't even go to gym, practice favorite hobbies, or enjoying any movie, youtube video, video games etc... i don't know what to do with my life ! - -I only think about 2 option : - -\- Therapy - -\- Ending my life - -(sorry for my english, it's not my native langage)",1,really desperate yr old guy job even graduated college girlfriend never kissed hugged girl life real friend toxic amp manipulative nothing special know pretty ugly smart dumber confused self image like live hell get rejected ton girl ton job offer feel like live whole life virgin single jobless loser nice shy always extremely anxious stressful dealing brain fog bad accent shitty voice low self esteem zero talent nothing good good math amp coding hold good conversation anyone mom amp brother feel kinda confident speaking depressed living dark mood feel like loser amp nothing even go gym practice favorite hobby enjoying movie youtube video video game etc know life think option therapy ending life sorry english native langage -"I've been in and out of mental hospitals for about 2 years now (I'm 17 just turned) things get good for a bit and then they get better and its a vicious cycle. I'm on meds to help with anxiety and adhd, but the thoughts just wont stop, I counted all my meds to see if its enough to die and od. My parents don't really care because im sure my mom saw my new self harm scars and said nothing. I relapsed really bad again and because of how open they are I'm afraid of an infection. I just want help but I'm scared I'm a burden, my mom is sick right now and we dont have money to send me to the hospital again. Id rather I just die kinda instead of having to deal with everything, I'm bottling it all up again and turning to self harm. idk what to do anymore I'm so tired.",1,mental hospital year turned thing get good bit get better vicious cycle med help anxiety adhd thought wont stop counted med see enough die od parent really care im sure mom saw new self harm scar said nothing relapsed really bad open afraid infection want help scared burden mom sick right dont money send hospital id rather die kinda instead deal everything bottling turning self harm idk anymore tired -,1,nan -"Sorry for the depression. I have some problems that are long term and I suffer every second of everyday. I am so tired of the mental pain of suffering everyday. My eyes will never be the same again and I only use my right eye. I don’t want to have such a shameful death, but I was wondering if you people believe this CAN possibly be a good choice. I am about to have exhausted all of my treatment options.",1,sorry depression problem long term suffer every second everyday tired mental pain suffering everyday eye never use right eye want shameful death wondering people believe possibly good choice exhausted treatment option -,1,nan -"The suicide hotline takes 3-8 hours to respond, I've fucked up every relationship that I had by trying to be funny and the other person being creepy, and lied to everyone I know. Why should I continue. Self harm doesn't do anything anymore, nothing brings me joy, I have no future because of my mental problems, really, why do I stay here. -The one reason I still live is because, around New Years, an online friend of mine at the time attempted suicide. I got so fucked up then, I couldn't function properly for a week, I couldn't talk to anyone. The one reason I am still here, is because I thought people would feel that way about me. But as ive lived, and breathed, I have come to realise that isn't true. My ""friends"" will be glad I am not around them, the only disappointment they will feel is that they don't have a vulnerable little shit to kick around, my family will be glad that the failure in the family is finally gone, and the school will pretend to be sad for a month, make it about how mental health is important, tell people to be kind about one another, then forget about me. I won't stand out. im another human being, in the 100 billion that exist. I don't even know if im real. I don't want to be here. so might as well leave.",1,suicide hotline take hour respond fucked every relationship trying funny person creepy lied everyone know continue self harm anything anymore nothing brings joy future mental problem really stay one reason still live around new year online friend mine time attempted suicide got fucked function properly week talk anyone one reason still thought people would feel way ive lived breathed come realise true friend glad around disappointment feel vulnerable little shit kick around family glad failure family finally gone school pretend sad month make mental health important tell people kind one another forget stand im another human 00 billion exist even know im real want might well leave -,1,nan - im letting life pass by because im so stressed and cant deal with my problems so i just hide away and isolate myself and its starting to harm me where im currently crying because i have no solutions for the hole i dug myself in . help me please,1,im letting life pas im stressed cant deal problem hide away isolate starting harm im currently cry solution hole dug help please -"I got broken up with overnight, a 3+ years relationship because she thought for a week that she’s falling out of love. I am absolutely devastated, I can’t carry on with my life and truly am considering ending it all. I think I am gonna do it because she was the only one for me. -What is the best way not to hurt your family? thanks.",1,got broken overnight year relationship thought week falling love absolutely devastated carry life truly considering ending think gon na one best way hurt family thanks -I'm so sick of the grind that is life. I'm so done. Kill me. Please.,1,sick grind life done kill please -"Im 22 this year when i finished school i started a business and things when great too great because i made alot of debt -At the time it was not alot and now over the course of 6 months ive lost the business thanks to covid -I now work as a car salesman -Im married and my son is 6 weeks old - -But now i sit with debt that i made while i was make 6x what im making now and i cant pay it -I cant provide for my wife or son -Ny wife dropped out of university because i cant pay it anymore - -Tomorrow ill sell my last few possessions do i can make it through this month but i plan on ending it soon -Atleast then my wife can collect life insurance and she will be set for life - -As for me i just needed to rant ive made up my mind",1,im year finished school started business thing great great made alot debt time alot course month ive lost business thanks covid work car salesman im married son week old sit debt made make x im making cant pay cant provide wife son ny wife dropped university cant pay anymore tomorrow ill sell last possession make month plan ending soon atleast wife collect life insurance set life needed rant ive made mind -"I have never thought I’d reach my 20s cuz since my early years, I have been suicidal. My life has always been the worst. I was given the worst family. My parents were 14 when I was born. They were totally unable to raise a kid yet they decided to keep their pregnancy. Being a teen parent in a country where abortion is 100% legal since 1974 is at least a huge stupidity. I don’t even have to say that my childhood and teenage years were creepy. I went (still do) through needs, I had the worst and cheapest toys, basic clothes, the cheapest cell phones, etc. People are like forget about the past and focus on the present. HOW ?! Do y’all think it’s easy to forget about poverty ? No it’s not. I can’t forget all the humiliations, abuses and privations I had to go through. I’m 31 now, totally hopeless, still suicidal and I’m pretty sure death is the only thing that can take my pain away. And sooner or later I’ll end up as a suicidal person. I’ve already tried to wait and see if things get better but nothing changed. Things get easier for a short period of time and then get unbearable again. I just hope I die soon and all my pain fades.",1,never thought reach 0 cuz since early year suicidal life always worst given worst family parent born totally unable raise kid yet decided keep pregnancy teen parent country abortion 00 legal since 9 least huge stupidity even say childhood teenage year creepy went still need worst cheapest toy basic clothes cheapest cell phone etc people like forget past focus present think easy forget poverty forget humiliation abuse privation go totally hopeless still suicidal pretty sure death thing take pain away sooner later end suicidal person already tried wait see thing get better nothing changed thing get easier short period time get unbearable hope die soon pain fade -It’s just too much. How do you know you’re close? Is it when you start planning the details?,1,much know close start planning detail -"I'm 23 years old and I wish I was born into a traditional family, like the American families we see in movies, a close-knit and loving family, not necessarily rich but with enough money to have a comfortable life, travel with family on vacation, Christmas Eve dinner, etc. - But I was born in a third world country, where there is not much possibility of being ""rich"", and people are not as educated and refined as in first world countries, nor is there a high human development index. My family is disunited, there is no affection between us, and we barely have enough money to survive. But the biggest dream of my life is to one day have a family like the one I mentioned before, united, loving, ""rich"" and happy. - I really want to have at least one daughter and a wife, and on vacation we travel together to fascinating places, go on a safari in South Africa, see lions, elephants, giraffes up close, climb the Andes mountain ranges, embark on a transatlantic cruise , in short, many adventures and family memories, also for this purpose I'm already studying several languages ​​through apps. - But given my current situation, all this seems to me to be nothing more than an impossible dream, it's as if I look in the mirror and see that my true image is completely different from how I would like it to be, it's like a beggar in rags looking at a rich man in a suit and envying his life. - I'm studying Software Engineering at college, and it gives me a little hope that maybe I'll get a good job, move to a better place, maybe a first world country, take my family with me and there I can make my dreams come true, but speaking like that it seems like I'm dreaming too high, it seems that this life I dream of having is not for me and I should just to accept my third world life. - Is it possible for me to have the life I want, or should I confirm myself with a mediocre and unhappy life? I'm not to give up on my life anyway, I've dealt with severe depression and existential crisis before.",1,year old wish born traditional family like american family see movie close knit loving family necessarily rich enough money comfortable life travel family vacation christmas eve dinner etc born third world country much possibility rich people educated refined first world country high human development index family disunited affection u barely enough money survive biggest dream life one day family like one mentioned united loving rich happy really want least one daughter wife vacation travel together fascinating place go safari south africa see lion elephant giraffe close climb andes mountain range embark transatlantic cruise short many adventure family memory also purpose already studying several language apps given current situation seems nothing impossible dream look mirror see true image completely different would like like beggar rag looking rich man suit envying life studying software engineering college give little hope maybe get good job move better place maybe first world country take family make dream come true speaking like seems like dreaming high seems life dream accept third world life possible life want confirm mediocre unhappy life give life anyway dealt severe depression existential crisis -"i'm a M17 recently diagnosed with autism and adhd. i have a long struggled with mental health, i have attempted suicide a numerous amounts of time, been addicted to drugs several times and i have given up completely. my mum has cancer and is going into surgery next week to have half of her lung removed, my youngest brother has non verbal autism and i think about what he might be like if he wasn't autistic and all the things i would've done with him. one of my brothers died six hours after he was born from heart failure and the only memory i have of him is having my photo taken beside his corpse dressed in pjamas before he was buried. as a result i constantly breakdown whenever i remember or see anything from my childhood. i was bullied by my only friend group when i was 12 because i was anxious about talking to my crush at the time and it got to the point where they made me extremely suicidal. i was then in an abusive relationship during the pandemic where i was constantly gaslighted, verbally abused, emotionally abused, insulted, threatened with suicide and self harm. as a result my severe anxiety and depression has been increased to a point where i can't even go into school from how overwhelming it is (i haven't been in since early february) and i'm on 3 different medications for my mental health, adhd and sleeping problems. my life is so fucking miserable and i hate myself, my inability to do anything and how i look. i just want to completely tear my body apart from how disgusted i am being in my own body and i just want to kill myself more than anything as i know nothing will improve in my life and i will always forever be like this, just getting worse and going down a further spiral.",1,recently diagnosed autism adhd long struggled mental health attempted suicide numerous amount time addicted drug several time given completely mum cancer going surgery next week half lung removed youngest brother non verbal autism think might like autistic thing would done one brother died six hour born heart failure memory photo taken beside corpse dressed pjamas buried result constantly breakdown whenever remember see anything childhood bullied friend group anxious talking crush time got point made extremely suicidal abusive relationship pandemic constantly gaslighted verbally abused emotionally abused insulted threatened suicide self harm result severe anxiety depression increased point even go school overwhelming since early february different medication mental health adhd sleeping problem life fucking miserable hate inability anything look want completely tear body apart disgusted body want kill anything know nothing improve life always forever like getting worse going spiral -"I just don’t want to live with out my wife, it’s been nearly six months since she left. Tomorrow morning I want to go jump",1,want live wife nearly six month since left tomorrow morning want go jump -"I want to get help so bad. I don't want to keep with the ""if all else fails i can always end my l*fe"" mindset. I'm just scared because even if i do seek out treatment, and for once i find a therapist/psychiatrist who actually works for me, I'm not sure it's going the solve enough to make me want to keep fighting for this life. There are so many issues right now, so many things I've fucked up considerably. Even if i get to a place mentally where i feel like i can tackle them, there's no guaranteeing i can actual change my situation. - -I just wish i didn't have to wake up and continue to make my life worse. I'm a pathetic person, I disgust and humiliate myself. I'm not meant to be in this world. I'm not meant to succeed in it im not meant to be anything or anyone other than this miserable, lazy poor excuse for a law student. I hate the person who looks back at me in the mirror more than anything. i just wish id never had to know myself.",1,want get help bad want keep else fails always end l fe mindset scared even seek treatment find therapist psychiatrist actually work sure going solve enough make want keep fighting life many issue right many thing fucked considerably even get place mentally feel like tackle guaranteeing actual change situation wish wake continue make life worse pathetic person disgust humiliate meant world meant succeed im meant anything anyone miserable lazy poor excuse law student hate person look back mirror anything wish id never know -"I was really stupid and ordered nitrogen gas without thinking of a back story because I stupidly thought they wouldn't ask. Well I got a call an hour ago asking what it's for and I folded, he could tell it was bullshit and I sent an email asking to cancel the order and now I'm scared I'm going to get sectioned. - -Edit: the cops actually did come around today because of this but I wasn't sectioned",1,really stupid ordered nitrogen gas without thinking back story stupidly thought ask well got call hour ago asking folded could tell bullshit sent email asking cancel order scared going get sectioned edit cop actually come around today sectioned -People don't care unless it affects them. I hate people,1,people care unless affect hate people -"life is genuinely so miserable and i quite frankly don't want to keep living like this but at the same time not only am i afraid of dying, i literally have no accessible means of dying either. im too much of a pussy for the more violent kinds of death and i dont have access to any of the items required for the easier ways out. all i am capable of doing is waiting for something to magically happen. shit is so fucked and im tired.",1,life genuinely miserable quite frankly want keep living like time afraid dying literally accessible mean dying either im much pussy violent kind death dont access item required easier way capable waiting something magically happen shit fucked im tired -"Throwaway in case I don’t go through with this - -I have a loving boyfriend and I love him so so much but for some stupid fucking reason I sexted with my friend and I regretted immensely so when he eventually found out I apologized as much as possible and somehow he forgave me - -Then it happened again - -And I just want to die now - -I have failed as a boyfriend and ruined something beautiful now my boyfriend and the friend I had the affair with hates each other and i never heard from the friend since… it doesn’t help that he has several suicidal thoughts and now I just want to Kill myself so nobody else gets hurt all because I’m a stupid piece of shit who deserves to be burned alive",1,throwaway case go loving boyfriend love much stupid fucking reason sexted friend regretted immensely eventually found apologized much possible somehow forgave happened want die failed boyfriend ruined something beautiful boyfriend friend affair hate never heard friend since help several suicidal thought want kill nobody else get hurt stupid piece shit deserves burned alive -"Simple: Holding gun to head. Purposely overdosing and ending up in the hospital. - -More complex: Standing in the kitchen holding a knife? Searching the house for anti-nausea pills to keep down the rest of the pills? Writing contact info on a sticky note to keep on your person so the cops can identify the body? - -When does one cross that line? What defines a crisis?",1,simple holding gun head purposely overdosing ending hospital complex standing kitchen holding knife searching house anti nausea pill keep rest pill writing contact info sticky note keep person cop identify body one cross line defines crisis -,1,nan -" -I’ve been in therapy a few months, CBT. He mostly just advises me to try to stay in the present and mediate. At first it seemed to help a little but the larger issues I have won’t stop bothering me. I make good money and I’m not bad looking at all but I have basically zero friends and I haven’t been on a date in over 10 years. Im 26 and I’ve been thinking about suicide a lot but I obviously can’t tell my therapist or he’ll get me emergency petitioned. - -Im really not sure what to do. My anxiety and depression just seems to keep getting worse. I can barely get myself to eat most days, let alone exercise or try to talk to someone.",1,therapy month cbt mostly advises try stay present mediate first seemed help little larger issue stop bothering make good money bad looking basically zero friend date 0 year im thinking suicide lot obviously tell therapist get emergency petitioned im really sure anxiety depression seems keep getting worse barely get eat day let alone exercise try talk someone -"Hi, friends, I hope you all are well. Well, I should explain myself, I guess. I don't feel like I exist. I mean that I don't have many people in life, and those who are I don't see them missing me. Friends are nonexistent. I do have a few acquaintances, I guess. I've tried to make new friends and reconnect with old, but school, work, and the guard don't allow for much down time. And it's like I'm the only one trying, so why bother? The logic also goes into my luck on dating. Though, to be honest, I haven't really been trying. I think I would rather make friends first. Work, school, and the guard are just things I do now. I don't really do them because I want to, but because they're things I have to do. And I don't remember why? I just do them like I'm on autopilot. My family is currently ripping itself apart. I've known my parents haven't been happy for a while. But I didn't realize how deeply they hated each other. And in their crossfires is everyone else. I'll keep it short, but somehow a hundred miles away, they still managed to hurt me a way I didn't expect. And I've decided to cut ties with my parents (for the mean time, at least). My brothers are quite literally the only thing keeping me tethered to the world. I don't want to hurt them. But, I just don't feel any joy in any actions I take or any agency. I just feel numb to everything. Not angry. Not upset. Not frustrated. Just hallow. I don't feel like the same person that played Lego Batman with his brothers, split a milkshake on his boyfriend, played Minecraft with his parents, partied with his friends, took pride in what I did, could claim myself. I'm just not. I look in the mirror and I don't feel like a person is looking back at me. Just this husk. And I don't know how to undo that. I don't know how I got here. I don't know how to feel like a person again and not this ghost. Haunting the parks I walked and the clothes I wore. Well, thanks for listening to my rambling. I wish the best for you. Have a good day.",1,hi friend hope well well explain guess feel like exist mean many people life see missing friend nonexistent acquaintance guess tried make new friend reconnect old school work guard allow much time like one trying bother logic also go luck dating though honest really trying think would rather make friend first work school guard thing really want thing remember like autopilot family currently ripping apart known parent happy realize deeply hated crossfire everyone else keep short somehow hundred mile away still managed hurt way expect decided cut tie parent mean time least brother quite literally thing keeping tethered world want hurt feel joy action take agency feel numb everything angry upset frustrated hallow feel like person played lego batman brother split milkshake boyfriend played minecraft parent partied friend took pride could claim look mirror feel like person looking back husk know undo know got know feel like person ghost haunting park walked clothes wore well thanks listening rambling wish best good day -"I constantly feel like harming myself. I scratch myself, hit myself in the face, and constantly think about suicide. I need a therapist but have no insurance. I can't afford it but need it. Why am I living if it's going to be this way. I threw away all these metabolism drinks because they are making me insane. My heart beats so fast and I can't for my mental health drink them anymore. I'm 26 and feel mentally ill.",1,constantly feel like harming scratch hit face constantly think suicide need therapist insurance afford need living going way threw away metabolism drink making insane heart beat fast mental health drink anymore feel mentally ill -To end this shitty existence,1,end shitty existence -is this common or am I just the only one who's like this?,1,common one like -I want to die so bad and i might carry on with it.,1,want die bad might carry -"I feel like shit. - -I just want somebody to talk to, idk if that’s too much to ask for.",1,feel like shit want somebody talk idk much ask -"Cliche I know, but my girlfriend left me. We had been together for about 2 and a half years. Our anniversary was coming up in July. When we met I was depressed and had been planning suicide, she pulled me out of that and gave me purpose and happiness. Now that she’s gone I realize I’ve been living my life for her, and now that I’m alone I don’t know what to do with myself. I have no other want than her, and it feels like she’s the only person or thing that can make me happy again. I’ve lost all interest in my hobbies and I have no motivation for school. Which I only started so I could make money for the family I had dreamed we would have. I feel like I’m right back where I was when she met me, alone and depressed with no motivations and no desire to continue.",1,cliche know girlfriend left together half year anniversary coming july met depressed planning suicide pulled gave purpose happiness gone realize living life alone know want feel like person thing make happy lost interest hobby motivation school started could make money family dreamed would feel like right back met alone depressed motivation desire continue -"I wish I succeeded those few years ago, I was so close but pussied out and hurt my neck pretty badly... -I wish I just kept up there for a few more minutes then I wouldn't have had to deal with the absolute failure of a person that I am. -I want to end it... I'm useless and a horrible piece of shit, I've done some pretty bad shit and no matter how hard I try to fix things; to try and get my life together it just doesn't work.. -I'm now physically sick all the time, in pain, homeless and stuck in a fucking town I wish would burn to the ground. -I get bullied and mocked by the entire shitty ass street I'm in for being under a homeless organization... -for 3 whole years i've been begging for a house.. Begging and begging, asking for this, asking for that; can I please try and get this house? No, u can't. Can I please try and get this house? No its all taken. -I'll never leave this hellhole.. I'll never get better, nothing will ever get better.. -So what's the actual point? I'm even too lazy to fucking kill myself even though I have the perfect plan... - -Grab my rope, grab all my pills and favourite alcohol... Walk to the woods with my favorite stuffie and end it all by the place I felt peace for the first time.. I'll watch the water of the lake; and then I'll finally be at peace and no more pain.. no more sorrow.. no more bullshit -Just nothing.. -But no, I'm too tired to walk it.. I'm too tired to write a letter, I'm too fucking tired to do it.. - -The reason why I haven't done it? I need to take care of my boyfriend.. I don't care for anyone else because all of them are lying fucks but him? I need to stay strong so he gets a home, so he can live happily... but I don't know.. maybe my death can boost his chances of getting a better life. It may hurt now but maybe my death will grab attention to him; and then he'll get all the help he needs... - -Might as well.. Just gotta pick a date..",1,wish succeeded year ago close pussied hurt neck pretty badly wish kept minute deal absolute failure person want end useless horrible piece shit done pretty bad shit matter hard try fix thing try get life together work physically sick time pain homeless stuck fucking town wish would burn ground get bullied mocked entire shitty as street homeless organization whole year begging house begging begging asking asking please try get house u please try get house taken never leave hellhole never get better nothing ever get better actual point even lazy fucking kill even though perfect plan grab rope grab pill favourite alcohol walk wood favorite stuffie end place felt peace first time watch water lake finally peace pain sorrow bullshit nothing tired walk tired write letter fucking tired reason done need take care boyfriend care anyone else lying fuck need stay strong get home live happily know maybe death boost chance getting better life may hurt maybe death grab attention get help need might well got ta pick date -"In the last 8 months (since June 2021) I have made bad decisions after bad decisions to the point where I have COMPLETELY screwed my life apart. I lost my GF because of it, I lost my mentor, which I loved SO much because of it, I am in major debts because of it. The last 8 months messed my life up and I know it’s because of me. I end up hurting everyone I love. I loved them both so much. - -I have been telling myself the same thing over and over again; if I 100% knew that I was going to heaven, if I was 100% sure that I was going to God I would have killed my self a long time ago…",1,last month since june 0 made bad decision bad decision point completely screwed life apart lost gf lost mentor loved much major debt last month messed life know end hurting everyone love loved much telling thing 00 knew going heaven 00 sure going god would killed self long time ago -"Life is so much pain and It gets worse every year. Everytime I make a step forward life fucks me 3 Stepps back. I just wish I could do it now. Today. I don't even care anymore that my mom will be sad I never asked to be born in the first place. - -Should I do it? End my life end this pain?",1,life much pain get worse every year everytime make step forward life fuck stepps back wish could today even care anymore mom sad never asked born first place end life end pain -"I seen it all out here. I’ve dealt with the younger generation, which I don’t mind for some of them are very respectful but then again some just turn it around and just want to be with an older woman for sex. - -Where are the Compassionate people anymore in this life?? -I’m screaming out for someone to listen as I would listen to you. I don’t want to die!!! . But I’m so tired of this life!",1,seen dealt younger generation mind respectful turn around want older woman sex compassionate people anymore life screaming someone listen would listen want die tired life -"Please kill me now, i cant find remedy to this life, i m literally numbed past few weeks,me 21M 2 month away from graduation,but felt like failed, -List of failures:- -1. Inferior such that cant make a single friend -2. 10th grade maths marks such low that school didn’t accept me (grade was c1).I AM NOT DUMB U FUKING TEACHERS. -3. 12th marks was low, bullied to mental illness in new school -4. Took admission in nice college using dads money(first time felt dumb stupid useless wanted to die) -5. Never been in a relationship( don’t know the problem there) -6. At this time upon i wrote this, not a single person is there i call someone my friend - -Many more such incidents,small or big are there, it will take eternity to tell them all. - -cant do suicide because i m scare of the pain , cant live this life because what i have become and its giving me so much pain, is there any cure?is there any hope? -Give me a pause button,please,PLEASE.",1,please kill cant find remedy life literally numbed past week month away graduation felt like failed list failure inferior cant make single friend 0th grade math mark low school accept grade c dumb u fuking teacher th mark low bullied mental illness new school took admission nice college using dad money first time felt dumb stupid useless wanted die never relationship know problem time upon wrote single person call someone friend many incident small big take eternity tell cant suicide scare pain cant live life become giving much pain cure hope give pause button please please -im home alone for the first time in a while. cant help but to think now is the time to do it. hate my mind thinks this way but idk how else to think,1,im home alone first time cant help think time hate mind think way idk else think -"I (27M) had a suicide attempt around 2 months ago and am struggling to move on after it. I tried to overdose on my antidepressants. I was in the hospital for 5 days on the psych floor until I got released. - -Since then I moved across the country and am living back at my parent's house in my childhood bedroom. I applied for medical disability from my HS teaching job, am currently in therapy twice a week, and thinking of outpatient programs. My antidepressants were increased along with adding a mood stabilizer. All my life I've never taken medicine and now I am on 4 pills each day. - -I am back at home and have no friends here. I use no other social media other than Reddit due to my social anxiety. I just adopted a cat for company but he hides from me all day. - -I just feel so stuck and alone. I've been depressed for so long and am not sure how to move on. I feel like I have regressed so much. Everything that I feared for my life when I was young has come true. I am 27 with no partner (gay), no job, and no close friends. My self esteem is shot and last night I cried for an hour when my dad sat beside my bed. Some days I feel ok, but most days at some point I feel hopeless again. Honestly, I don't know what to do with myself each day. All my interests are gone and it is hard to just get out of bed. - -Anyone who has been through this, how do you move on? I still feel I haven't completely processed the attempt.",1,suicide attempt around month ago struggling move tried overdose antidepressant hospital day psych floor got released since moved across country living back parent house childhood bedroom applied medical disability h teaching job currently therapy twice week thinking outpatient program antidepressant increased along adding mood stabilizer life never taken medicine pill day back home friend use social medium reddit due social anxiety adopted cat company hide day feel stuck alone depressed long sure move feel like regressed much everything feared life young come true partner gay job close friend self esteem shot last night cried hour dad sat beside bed day feel ok day point feel hopeless honestly know day interest gone hard get bed anyone move still feel completely processed attempt -I’m just really out of motivation. Damn I felt more depressed then I ever thought I’d be a week ago. And the week before that. My depression is getting deeper. and deeper.,1,really motivation damn felt depressed ever thought week ago week depression getting deeper deeper -"I just fucking hate my self, I’m turning into a fucking loser. I’ve recently pushed my girlfriend away by being a fucking depressed loser, I fucked it all up just by not trying hard enough and I hate myself for it. She was the only person who actually loved me and now she doesn’t want to see me anymore. I don’t know why I’m surprised, how could I be able to maintain a serious relationship when I can’t even show up to work on time. I never thought I would ever find love but I did and i fucked it all up, fucked up the only good thing I had in my life. - -Work sucks, life sucks and I’m just soooo fucking over it!!! I’m not cut out for the ups and downs of life, I’m just not cut out for life in general. I’m a fucking lost, depressed loser that at the end of the day has nothing to be proud of. Tonight I really just want to kill myself and end this hell, I don’t think I can take this shit anymore man",1,fucking hate self turning fucking loser recently pushed girlfriend away fucking depressed loser fucked trying hard enough hate person actually loved want see anymore know surprised could able maintain serious relationship even show work time never thought would ever find love fucked fucked good thing life work suck life suck soooo fucking cut ups down life cut life general fucking lost depressed loser end day nothing proud tonight really want kill end hell think take shit anymore man -"You probably know how I’m feeling about it. Lately when my mom’s been calling, it sounds like she’s been crying. I wish she hated me like she should.",1,probably know feeling lately mom calling sound like cry wish hated like -"My father disagrees with me on everything and always brings nay topic up he know will annoy me -I'm only one person's true friend and even that is flimsy. My stepfather bearly talks to me. My mom always makes acscusses about being mean. I'm atheist and my whole family is (except sisters) are Christians and think I'm a failure for it. My grades are going no where. I see no point in continuing. If God is real I'm going too hell which is what I deserve. I don't even know if these things are true. I hate myself and is not great at anything. I don't know how I would even kill myself but if I saw a car coming I would not get out of the road. If God isn't real ill never have to worry again because I don't exist anymore. I just dont want too live. And don't tell me the generic nonsense, I've heard it before, it doesn't work",1,father disagrees everything always brings nay topic know annoy one person true friend even flimsy stepfather bearly talk mom always make acscusses mean atheist whole family except sister christian think failure grade going see point continuing god real going hell deserve even know thing true hate great anything know would even kill saw car coming would get road god real ill never worry exist anymore dont want live tell generic nonsense heard work -,1,nan -I don’t get it. What did I ever do to anyone. I doubt even some of the people that know me will feel bad or even start caring once they find out I’m dead. Maybe they’ll never even know and not notice my absence. But why.,1,get ever anyone doubt even people know feel bad even start caring find dead maybe never even know notice absence -,1,nan -"I don't know who I am anymore. I've tried so hard to regain a sense of who I once was, but it's pointless. Everytime I look at someone, anybody, I instantly feel reminded that I'm nothing. That I will always will be nothing. I'm not clueless. I know why I feel this way. I've been strong for way too long. I've spent my entire life longing for something that will never come: a decent family that isn't problematic, friends, and a proper support system. This entire time, I was never strong because I wanted to be. I had no choice but to be. I'm not a strong person. Keeping false hope by holding onto delusions to get by isn't what it means to be strong. I know the life I'm living now won't last forever, but the damage caused by everything I've gone through is beyond repair. I'm unfixable. - -My whole life has been nothing but a buildup of trauma. And it'll continue to be. It'll never end. More than anything, I wish someone cared about me. Would hold my hand and tell me everything's going to be alright. Hug me when I cry into my pillow at night. Hold me when I'm breaking down because I'm not strong enough to take on the pain alone. But no, I'll never have anyone like that in my life. Only in my delusional mind. If any word defines my life, it's alone. I've taken this journey of endless trauma alone. None has ever truly cared. Everyone just watches me stagger along. - -I wonder why I even wasted any of my time going to therapy. None of my therapists have ever cared. Nothing ever changed. I never felt any better. I'm currently feeling the worst I've ever felt in my entire life. I've experienced so much pain throughout my whole life, but nothing like this. This pain destroyed all my dreams. Destroyed who I once was as a person. There's only one way from here now, and it's more down then I already am. Taking medication for my problems isn't what I need. Throwing pills at my problems isn't going to make me forget about everything that's ever happened in my life. The only two things that would be able to do that for me is severe brain trauma or death. I'm not going to use drugs as means of coping with my life. Using drugs to ""solve and help"" with my problems. I may be a worthless individual, but I'm wise enough to know having to take pills as a means of ""getting better"" isn't the life I want. - -I just need a human being in my life that cares about me. That is able to see my worth; tell me I'm more than all of this trauma. However, I know the reality and I won't sugarcoat it. I come with too many challenges for anyone to have any sort of care for me. I suffer from skin-picking, severe depression and anxiety, PTSD, constant disassociation where I forget who I actually am and feel like the world isn't real. I'm far too fucked up. It explains why I have no friends. Why I have none in my life who truly cares about me. Because of how long all of my problems have gone untreated, I can't escape my suicidal thoughts. My problems will always define who I am. Will always have the last say in everything I do. - -Nothing gives me happiness anymore. Not food, not drawing, not reading or writing, not watching the sunrise, not the moon, not late nights, not going outside, not sleeping; nothing. All of it feels pointless now and it doesn't provide me happiness like it used to me. I've always preferred to keep my emotions to myself and not go to my parents for help because everytime I do I get the same response. They always invalidate my feelings. It's endless responses that always tear me down. They tell me I'm overreacting, that I should leave my problems in the past, that I should stop being a crybaby, that I should ""grow up"" already and stop being problematic, saying that others have life worse and I shouldn't complain about it. There's no point in wasting my time asking them for help. - -I have none else I can reach out to. None else that cares.  I was hospitalized a month ago after I told my school counselor about my suicidal thoughts. What happened? My parents were called, I was forced to go to the hospital, and I got cussed out badly. They said a variety of hurtful things, but what stuck with me the most was being told that if I were actually suicidal, I'd have done it already. Telling me I'm nothing but an attention-seeker. Telling me I wasted my time asking for help and going to the hospital because no gives a shit about me anyways. No care at all for the fact that I'm in the hospital because I don't want to live anymore. I didn't choose to be open about being suicidal because I'm an attention-seeker. I did it because I needed help surviving. If my own parents don't care about me, how can I expect anyone else to have any care for me? The only living being I have left now is my lovely boy Sled. He may only be a dog, but he's all I have left in this world. Unfortunately, I just don't know if that's enough at this point to keep me going. - -Life has given up on me, so I want to give up on myself. I'm tired of my life consisting of surviving, plainly existing without no meaning. I don't want be strong anymore. I don't want to live in my head anymore. I never want to experience trauma ever again. I want to escape. I want to be free. I'm not sure if I'll ever get that chance in life, and even if I do, it won't be anytime soon. If I had to guess, possibly in a few years, but I can't hold on that long. Hell, I don't even know if I can make it to the end of 2022. People with proper support systems really don't realize how lucky they truly are. That's the only that could save me from myself and the only thing I look forward to in the future, if I make it: the chance I'll have my own support system. - -One of the worst mistakes I kept repeating was thinking that professional help would magically make everything better somehow. It didn't. I'm never taken seriously because to them I'm just another ""mentally ill"" person that doesn't hold much worth. Fuck that. I do have many mental illnesses, but I'm aware and I sure as hell know what my reality is and what's going on. I've recently come to realize you can't rely on anyone but yourself to help you get better. Obviously, this is far from easy when you're suicidal. The harsh reality is I can give up or continue living my life in misery. - -This isn't just the harsh reality for me, but so many other individuals who are suicidal, or have suicidal thoughts or ideation. It's not fair at all and none should ever have to come to that realization. I feel like I'm a lost cause now. I'm beyond sick and tired of hearing there's hope for the future, something brighter to look forward to. For the past few years I've been feeling suicidal, all I've been doing is taking life one step at a time, taking it day-by-day, waiting for that one where things finally start to turn around for me. But it hasn't. - -All the time I wonder: maybe there's nothing left in my future except loneliness, emptiness, more nightmares to dream about, more tears to shed, and more trauma to endure. I don't want to live like this anymore. Although I don't wish to die, only escape this life; I'd rather be dead. I don't want to be this aware. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I don't want the feeling of worrying about what the future holds to consume me anymore. Being failed by the system, failed by society, and failed by life is why I'm suicidal.",1,know anymore tried hard regain sense pointless everytime look someone anybody instantly feel reminded nothing always nothing clueless know feel way strong way long spent entire life longing something never come decent family problematic friend proper support system entire time never strong wanted choice strong person keeping false hope holding onto delusion get mean strong know life living last forever damage caused everything gone beyond repair unfixable whole life nothing buildup trauma continue never end anything wish someone cared would hold hand tell everything going alright hug cry pillow night hold breaking strong enough take pain alone never anyone like life delusional mind word defines life alone taken journey endless trauma alone none ever truly cared everyone watch stagger along wonder even wasted time going therapy none therapist ever cared nothing ever changed never felt better currently feeling worst ever felt entire life experienced much pain throughout whole life nothing like pain destroyed dream destroyed person one way already taking medication problem need throwing pill problem going make forget everything ever happened life two thing would able severe brain trauma death going use drug mean coping life using drug solve help problem may worthless individual wise enough know take pill mean getting better life want need human life care able see worth tell trauma however know reality sugarcoat come many challenge anyone sort care suffer skin picking severe depression anxiety ptsd constant disassociation forget actually feel like world real far fucked explains friend none life truly care long problem gone untreated escape suicidal thought problem always define always last say everything nothing give happiness anymore food drawing reading writing watching sunrise moon late night going outside sleeping nothing feel pointless provide happiness like used always preferred keep emotion go parent help everytime get response always invalidate feeling endless response always tear tell overreacting leave problem past stop crybaby grow already stop problematic saying others life worse complain point wasting time asking help none else reach none else care hospitalized month ago told school counselor suicidal thought happened parent called forced go hospital got cussed badly said variety hurtful thing stuck told actually suicidal done already telling nothing attention seeker telling wasted time asking help going hospital give shit anyways care fact hospital want live anymore choose open suicidal attention seeker needed help surviving parent care expect anyone else care living left lovely boy sled may dog left world unfortunately know enough point keep going life given want give tired life consisting surviving plainly existing without meaning want strong anymore want live head anymore never want experience trauma ever want escape want free sure ever get chance life even anytime soon guess possibly year hold long hell even know make end 0 people proper support system really realize lucky truly could save thing look forward future make chance support system one worst mistake kept repeating thinking professional help would magically make everything better somehow never taken seriously another mentally ill person hold much worth fuck many mental illness aware sure hell know reality going recently come realize rely anyone help get better obviously far easy suicidal harsh reality give continue living life misery harsh reality many individual suicidal suicidal thought ideation fair none ever come realization feel like lost cause beyond sick tired hearing hope future something brighter look forward past year feeling suicidal taking life one step time taking day day waiting one thing finally start turn around time wonder maybe nothing left future except loneliness emptiness nightmare dream tear shed trauma endure want live like anymore although wish die escape life rather dead want aware want feel like anymore want feeling worrying future hold consume anymore failed system failed society failed life suicidal -I’m not suicidal I just feel everybody close to me slipping away and it’s crushing me slowly so I was wondering what are the main signs?,1,suicidal feel everybody close slipping away crushing slowly wondering main sign -"Don't want to do anything other than sleep, drink, or smoke because the future is hopeless because the past cannot be changed and lost time is gone forever. The logic center of my brain is screaming at me to exit this situation, and that there's only one way, that living in these conditions is meaningless and all the more painful. - -I've tried everything. I even treated myself as a stranger, talking to myself as if talking to another, telling them I love them and I would look after them, and I forced myself to talk back. I've delved deep into questions none right in the head would want to touch. - -There's just nothing left to do, I've even begged for help. Pills only work as long as you take them, even then, they only take the pain away, not the desire for death, because it's all pointless in the end. To hell with people who love me, I'm gone",1,want anything sleep drink smoke future hopeless past changed lost time gone forever logic center brain screaming exit situation one way living condition meaningless painful tried everything even treated stranger talking talking another telling love would look forced talk back delved deep question none right head would want touch nothing left even begged help pill work long take even take pain away desire death pointless end hell people love gone -"Therapy, meditation, working out, changed my diet, spirituality, religion, medication… what else is there ?",1,therapy meditation working changed diet spirituality religion medication else -"I don’t know why I hate myself so fucking much I want it all to end so I can finally be at peace with myself I honestly don’t remember a time I was happy even as a kid I tried to kill myself when I was 11 because I was fed up with life they told me it gets better but I’m 18 now and it’s only gotten worse nobody can change how I feel I’ve tried therapists, different meds all that shit nothing has worked because life is a bitch and it’s not easy i commend everyone who is strong enough to continue living because I am not",1,know hate fucking much want end finally peace honestly remember time happy even kid tried kill fed life told get better gotten worse nobody change feel tried therapist different med shit nothing worked life bitch easy commend everyone strong enough continue living -"I reaching help from stranger.. -I really need someone be here for me -I cant handle the pressure from depression. -I really want to suicide -Please help",1,reaching help stranger really need someone cant handle pressure depression really want suicide please help -"No matter how many people I talk to, my suicidal thoughts always fester in my mind. - -""A problem shared is a problem halved"" A complete lie. I've told 5 people about my deteriorating mental state, yet the burden still weighs on me. No amount of talking will ever ease the pain I live though. My situation is hopeless and I can only predict a bleak future for me. All I truly want is an end to my constant mental anguish, I just want peace.",1,matter many people talk suicidal thought always fester mind problem shared problem halved complete lie told people deteriorating mental state yet burden still weighs amount talking ever ease pain live though situation hopeless predict bleak future truly want end constant mental anguish want peace -I promised my girlfriend I wouldn't try to end it again. But I'm too weak tonight. I'm on the phone with her right now. I don't know what to do. I just want it to stop. But I don't want to make her cry again. I'm worthless,1,promised girlfriend try end weak tonight phone right know want stop want make cry worthless -I see it as the only solution that will make this everyday pain I feel go away forever,1,see solution make everyday pain feel go away forever -,1,nan -"I'm not going to make it after school. Won't pass and be stuck there. I think going out is hurting me. I do things and when I get back home i think it over and think what a failure I am. I say something or do something and then I think everyone is gonna laugh. Thing is I've got years before I leave school but I'm still worrying. I'm worrying that my friends will leave after the mandatory time needing to spend with me. Even if I do go out with them more because it's spring. I'm worrying that this isn't my lowest point. My mom already has anxiety and depression and my dad who is an arsehole is moving out and i'm just gonna leave her for the rest of her life. However long that is. The title is a tiny lie though. I hope my mom carries on when I'm gone. I hope she carries on with the memories or just forgets me entirely so she does need the grief. Without me. I've never told anyone except just a few jokes with my friends and I don't think they caught on. This one time i written a suicide note in my memo but i'm so stupid I can't tie a noose. Not even a shoelace. Only thing I'm good at is writing. My handwriting is terrible, looks like a preschooler written it and I can't even join it up. I came on here because I couldn't find anything to cut with and I can't go downstairs to get something. It got a bit of the weights crushing my chest off, but there is still some.",1,going make school pas stuck think going hurting thing get back home think think failure say something something think everyone gon na laugh thing got year leave school still worrying worrying friend leave mandatory time needing spend even go spring worrying lowest point mom already anxiety depression dad arsehole moving gon na leave rest life however long title tiny lie though hope mom carry gone hope carry memory forgets entirely need grief without never told anyone except joke friend think caught one time written suicide note memo stupid tie noose even shoelace thing good writing handwriting terrible look like preschooler written even join came find anything cut go downstairs get something got bit weight crushing chest still -"For anyone who’s contacted the suicide help hotline has it actually helped? I don’t think I’ll make past this week, although I have friends here for me and therapy. I’ve written all my goodbyes and I’m ready to do the deed as I’ve got nothing left to lose. Any input is helpful.",1,anyone contacted suicide help hotline actually helped think make past week although friend therapy written goodbye ready deed got nothing left lose input helpful -"I'm sick of living. the world is going to shit. depression is ruining my life. no one wants to help. why is it bad that I want to kill myself? I think I should be able to, genuinely. life has no purpose and I contribute nothing to society. I'm sick of being told to ""suck it up, it's just life"". like fuck off, if I'm not born into a communist utopia then I don't want to participate in this life shit. all I do is lay in bed all day. I'm unhappy in my relationship, in fact it's what triggered my current depressive episode. I just want to escape. all I do anymore is get high and browse tiktok. that's it.",1,sick living world going shit depression ruining life one want help bad want kill think able genuinely life purpose contribute nothing society sick told suck life like fuck born communist utopia want participate life shit lay bed day unhappy relationship fact triggered current depressive episode want escape anymore get high browse tiktok -"I started having suicidal thoughts in April of last year and they lasted until around November. In October I started hanging out with a girl and we started becoming good friends (not romantic just friendship). My mental health started getting a lot better after a couple months of friendship with her and it’s kept getting better ever since. - -A few days ago I made a passive aggressive comment that really upset her. She won’t text me back now. I’ve tried apologizing and trying to make things right with her but I haven’t heard back from her. I’m afraid I’ve ruined this friendship forever and now my suicidal thoughts are back for the first time since last year. I always hurt the people that I care about and I hate myself so much that I do this.",1,started suicidal thought april last year lasted around november october started hanging girl started becoming good friend romantic friendship mental health started getting lot better couple month friendship kept getting better ever since day ago made passive aggressive comment really upset text back tried apologizing trying make thing right heard back afraid ruined friendship forever suicidal thought back first time since last year always hurt people care hate much -,1,nan -My mom basically invalidated my feelings now i feel like doing sewerslide,1,mom basically invalidated feeling feel like sewerslide -"I've been keeping myself from here, yet at the same time, I keep coming back to read about other's experiences. Maybe as a way to prove to myself that I don't have it as bad. Still though, I feel so depressed and withdrawn from everything. This sucks, everything sucks. I wish it wasn't like this, plus I still can't put my finger on what exactly made me start thinking in such a nihilistic way. I'm constantly thinking ""if i went back in time"" or ""maybe if i did this"" Just thinking of what could've been. knowing it's just going to drown me in hole of self absorbence. - -(I don't know if this has bad grammar, so if it does then sorry)",1,keeping yet time keep coming back read experience maybe way prove bad still though feel depressed withdrawn everything suck everything suck wish like plus still put finger exactly made start thinking nihilistic way constantly thinking went back time maybe thinking could knowing going drown hole self absorbence know bad grammar sorry -"I quit my job today after being told yesterday that I’m bad at it and could be fired if I fuck up again. I figure that I’d rather remove myself before I cause anymore problems because I know that I’m intrinsically fucked. Since middle school I’ve become convinced that I’m retarded and that I’m a fucking waste of space who should be put down. I left this job hoping it’d maybe remove some stress from my shoulders but instead I’m more angry than ever and I really want to start cutting. I’m so sick of all of this, I’m sick of people telling me I should stay here and lying to me about how good I am. I’m sick of putting in effort only to fail at every turn. I’m really sick of all it.",1,quit job today told yesterday bad could fired fuck figure rather remove cause anymore problem know intrinsically fucked since middle school become convinced retarded fucking waste space put left job hoping maybe remove stress shoulder instead angry ever really want start cutting sick sick people telling stay lying good sick putting effort fail every turn really sick -,1,nan -"I've been suicidal for 4 years, I hate my life and I haven't felt joy for a long time. As much as my parents don't care for my feelings and neglect me, I know that if I end myself they'd be devastated, seeing I'm their only child. I don't know what to do anymore tbh, I really want to do it, but I love my family too much to hurt them like that.",1,suicidal year hate life felt joy long time much parent care feeling neglect know end devastated seeing child know anymore tbh really want love family much hurt like -"I suppose, I'll live one more month. The thing that is keeping me alive is my favourite music group, and now they are participating in a show and I want to see its ending, because this group's music kept me alive since 2018. Also, I'll see my brothers birthday, but I think that is my maximum at this point. I'm really glad that some people supported me even that they know me only because of my reddit post and i got more attention and support than from my ex-friends through last 4 years. I hope that everyone will be happy. I will continue telling everyone that suicide is the worst decision, but I cant tell it to myself, not anymore. -My close friend could have died yesterday. The bomb exploded 1km away from her and she is still in danger. I don't know what I would do without her. I'm always thinking of everyone else but me and I'll keep doing it. I think I don't deserve to be saved, actually I don't want to struggle anymore. I've got so much pain that I couldn't even put it all in 500000 words. Even if I'll try to live, I'm sure I will be suffering just even more. I have so little light in my life. I don't deserve to be loved, I always make things worse. I'm sure that everyone will be happier without me. That they won't have to talk with me and my parents won't have to spend money on my university. IDK, maybe it's just my stpd (Schyzotypical Personal Disorder), i dont know, I don't think I know anything. I don't know what is happening around me. I, I'm tired. And I'm sorry to everyone who had to read this. I'm so sorry",1,suppose live one month thing keeping alive favourite music group participating show want see ending group music kept alive since 0 also see brother birthday think maximum point really glad people supported even know reddit post got attention support ex friend last year hope everyone happy continue telling everyone suicide worst decision cant tell anymore close friend could died yesterday bomb exploded km away still danger know would without always thinking everyone else keep think deserve saved actually want struggle anymore got much pain even put 00000 word even try live sure suffering even little light life deserve loved always make thing worse sure everyone happier without talk parent spend money university idk maybe stpd schyzotypical personal disorder dont know think know anything know happening around tired sorry everyone read sorry -"I'm so sorry Fernanda....today I took 7 different pills, I don't know if it'll hit me in a few hours or when I close my eyes and go to sleep. Maybe I'll survive.... - - I took what I have in the medication cabinet and today might be the day I give up, Fernanda...my beloved. - -I'm so sorry; I'm dragging myself and my system to death. Some shout in my head saying they don't want to die. - -That there has to be another way. - -But they aren't the host; they can sit in the innerworld without a care but I live most of my life fronting. - -My head hurts as I type this and I feel strangely calm with my heart slowing down to a normal pace, something I wasn't used to anymore due to my sickness. - -Fernanda, my love..... - -Even if you don't read this, I love you so much... I mean everything I said in that message; you make me the happiest man in the world and your support to be by my side made me feel as if I can continue just a tiny bit. - -But I'm so tired; I can't continue studying and I can't do my passion. - -You make everything so worth it... - -I want you to live life with your fullest energy, thank you for shining a light in my life... - -I love you.",1,sorry fernanda today took different pill know hit hour close eye go sleep maybe survive took medication cabinet today might day give fernanda beloved sorry dragging system death shout head saying want die another way host sit innerworld without care live life fronting head hurt type feel strangely calm heart slowing normal pace something used anymore due sickness fernanda love even read love much mean everything said message make happiest man world support side made feel continue tiny bit tired continue studying passion make everything worth want live life fullest energy thank shining light life love -"I just feel trapped being alive and death, there’s no escape for me so wtf do I do?",1,feel trapped alive death escape wtf -"Idk I'm not a native speaker so I don't which crisis it is, I'm in my dorm room ,paralyzed .took a seminar topic on which I can't find papers when I ask for help,no one. Then came my shitty Sem test marks with just the end sem remaining. Yes this is not the first time I've cried after joining college, I just can't see my future, and I can only be numb to my grades and pains for so long.",1,idk native speaker crisis dorm room paralyzed took seminar topic find paper ask help one came shitty sem test mark end sem remaining yes first time cried joining college see future numb grade pain long -"I am miserable when I wake up, I am aware this due to more than just simply being mentally fucked up I live a shitty lifestyle; however I feel as though most days are purely predetermined for me. Almost like it's always guaranteed to have me thinking about killing myself by the end of the day.",1,miserable wake aware due simply mentally fucked live shitty lifestyle however feel though day purely predetermined almost like always guaranteed thinking killing end day -"My life has gone way downhill. First, my best friend leaves without any kind of goodbye, then my mother tells me that she doesn't love me after that my ex broke up with me, then last Sunday she told me not to talk to her again. I can't take any of this shit for much longer. I really just wished that it was summer already, then I could just kill myself and everyone would forget about me. I would do it now if I could. But I just think that it might be too close to my breakup and that maybe my ex would think it was her fault when it isn't. I don't really know what else to say. My school has this experience week thing where for a week we just have fun, help out our community and don't have to worry about school. Everyone else in my grade is having fun. Laughing, smiling and shit like that. And I'm just not. I don't see how everyone else can find a way to be happy. I see my friends laughing and having fun. Then they come over to hang out with me and I'm just sad. I honestly can't wait for the Summer, then I can fucking kill myself and not have to cry every night to sleep. I don't know what help I might want or need but maybe some encouraging words or something might help. But anything really would help.",1,life gone way downhill first best friend leaf without kind goodbye mother tell love ex broke last sunday told talk take shit much longer really wished summer already could kill everyone would forget would could think might close breakup maybe ex would think fault really know else say school experience week thing week fun help community worry school everyone else grade fun laughing smiling shit like see everyone else find way happy see friend laughing fun come hang sad honestly wait summer fucking kill cry every night sleep know help might want need maybe encouraging word something might help anything really would help -"I few weeks ago I was shing and not going to therapy, and I honestly wasn't feel as horrible as usual. I woke up and and I didn't feel super horrible, I wasn't hating myself 24/7, and my urge to sh was going down. Then I went to therapy for the first time in 6-7 months and I was told I have to cooperate (cause I wasn't) or my therapist would recommend my parents do somethings more extreme (ie. Physic ward). After that I that I decide that I would try to stop shing everyday, and immediately I became way more suicidal. I was clean for a week. I now wake up everyday and I don't want to get up and I'm instantly hating myself. I broke that clean streak by doing half my forearm instead of just a few. And I may try to kms tomorrow. So maybe I was just going numb, and I was cool with that, but it's seems to be better than now.",1,week ago shing going therapy honestly feel horrible usual woke feel super horrible hating urge sh going went therapy first time month told cooperate cause therapist would recommend parent somethings extreme ie physic ward decide would try stop shing everyday immediately became way suicidal clean week wake everyday want get instantly hating broke clean streak half forearm instead may try km tomorrow maybe going numb cool seems better -"I have a friend group at school. Yet I feel lonely and helpless. - -I Have anxiety and depression. - -I've always been a big guy, 5,9 180 pounds. And I've always been bullied for it. I can't get a girlfriend because I'm ugly and socially awkward. I can't focus on school because I'm always tired. I can't talk to anyone about my feelings because I hate letting people into my bubble. I miss the happy and innocent me. At young age my mom left me with my grandma. I hate to think what's gonna happen once she dies. I hate myself. I'm ashamed of myself. - -I wanna kill myself. - -I'm such a pussy, I'm afraid that God is real and I'll be punished. I'm afraid that when I die it will all be black and boring. I don't know what's gonna happen if I do it. If I fail, straight to a hospital. If my life doesn't get better, I'll do it. - -I hope if I do it, I'll be reborn as someone normal, and start over.",1,friend group school yet feel lonely helpless anxiety depression always big guy 9 0 pound always bullied get girlfriend ugly socially awkward focus school always tired talk anyone feeling hate letting people bubble miss happy innocent young age mom left grandma hate think gon na happen dy hate ashamed wan na kill pussy afraid god real punished afraid die black boring know gon na happen fail straight hospital life get better hope reborn someone normal start -It’s simple as that.,1,simple -"this is my first time writing this a releasing this properly. - -i have had a “plan” for three years, the plan is to end my life next year in may, i have had this plan for three years up to this point so far, i am not old and the only reason i am waiting is for convenience and not wanting my parents to find my body, i honestly see no issue with me dying, i don’t want to keep living, i don’t want to die because i am in “pain” or whatever i just don’t rly want to be alive anymore, i want to cut contact with all my friends and family before i do it, this may be hard but i will go through with it either way, my time on this earth is coming to an end, i am not religious in any way so i am a little scared in what happens next but honestly i hope it will be more interesting then my current mundane life. - -anyways, please refrain from going into the comments and writing “OHH NO PLEASE DONT DO IT ITS NOT WORTH IT”, if you do i will either delete your comment or just delete this post, i just posted this because i wonder if i am alone with these feelings, of just nothing ness",1,first time writing releasing properly plan three year plan end life next year may plan three year point far old reason waiting convenience wanting parent find body honestly see issue dying want keep living want die pain whatever rly want alive anymore want cut contact friend family may hard go either way time earth coming end religious way little scared happens next honestly hope interesting current mundane life anyways please refrain going comment writing ohh please dont worth either delete comment delete post posted wonder alone feeling nothing ness -"I've been having a few thoughts of SH/SI throughout yhe past week and came pretty close to actually doing it a couple days ago because my SO and I got into an argument and he said some hurtful things that other people have said to me through my life so I thought ""if everyone feels this way about me then why shouldn't I do it?"" I know people will say to tell my psych, but I don't think it will last that long, so I don't want to waste her time and my time. I also don't want her to say I should go to a hospital because I think that would be pointless too and a lot of money.",1,thought sh si throughout yhe past week came pretty close actually couple day ago got argument said hurtful thing people said life thought everyone feel way know people say tell psych think last long want waste time time also want say go hospital think would pointless lot money -"I feel like I shouldn't but I do. I'm tired, and I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of feeling like I'm broken, and that I can't do anything right. I'm tired of feeling like I'm in the wrong place and time, and I'm tired of hating everything....I really hate everything, most of all me....I'm tired of feeling alone....I'm fucking tired of it all. I don't know what to do but I know I can't keep up with being a smiling shell, I'm going to fucking break if I have to keep trying.",1,feel like tired tired tired tired feeling like broken anything right tired feeling like wrong place time tired hating everything really hate everything tired feeling alone fucking tired know know keep smiling shell going fucking break keep trying -"43 -Objectively unattractive, have never been touched by the opposite sex. -Objectively unemployable -No one will know I’m gone -Never been valued -Peace out.",1,objectively unattractive never touched opposite sex objectively unemployable one know gone never valued peace -It may or may not makes sense to you guys but I don’t want to kill my self but I think about it a lot. I’m a sophomore in college and as everyday passes by I get more and more behind. I don’t have many friends up here and if I do I wouldn’t call them good friends. My schedule is so busy that I haven’t been able to go home and see my parents or siblings in almost 5 months. These thoughts seem to be escalating but in a weird way some are soothing. For the past week nothing helps me sleep unless I think about what I would say in suicide letters to my friends and family. Again I don’t want to kill my self but some of these thoughts are things I can’t control. I hope I’m able to be better than these thoughts and regather myself before it gets worse.,1,may may make sense guy want kill self think lot sophomore college everyday pass get behind many friend call good friend schedule busy able go home see parent sibling almost month thought seem escalating weird way soothing past week nothing help sleep unless think would say suicide letter friend family want kill self thought thing control hope able better thought regather get worse -I'm not strong enough to kill me,1,strong enough kill -"I’m 26 about to be 27 living in nyc and have never done anything worth Wilde with my life. And im sure im doomed to become one of those in the way people who don’t do anything in their life which I feared most of my life. Nothing I seem to attempt to accomplish works out. No matter how hard I work or how right I do it. I gave so much time to job organizations to further my career path only to used as free labor. Studying only to use up all my forgiveness credits and flunk out. I’ve been wanting to end it all for a while every time I sleep I see the BK bridge the spot I picked out years ago to end it. I feel like I rather be gone than keep living with fact that I’m a grown man that’s not worth anything. Hell my mom has told me that I haven’t done anything for her to be proud me and I won’t let my partner destroy herself trying to help me. I wanted to be an engineer for nasa when I was younger but here I am today the worlds shitist IT guy that hasn’t been able to find a secure job in the past 3years. I’ve been desperate for work for a while ,today I was given a work assignment from my contract company only to be told I don’t exist in the company so I can’t work.",1,living nyc never done anything worth wilde life im sure im doomed become one way people anything life feared life nothing seem attempt accomplish work matter hard work right gave much time job organization career path used free labor studying use forgiveness credit flunk wanting end every time sleep see bk bridge spot picked year ago end feel like rather gone keep living fact grown man worth anything hell mom told done anything proud let partner destroy trying help wanted engineer nasa younger today world shitist guy able find secure job past year desperate work today given work assignment contract company told exist company work -"I don’t know what else to add. Don’t try to comfort me - -“I didn’t want any flowers, I only wanted - -To lie with my hands turned up and be utterly empty. - -How free it is, you have no idea how free—“ - -—Sylvia Plath, “Tulips”",1,know else add try comfort want flower wanted lie hand turned utterly empty free idea free sylvia plath tulip -I hate myself.,1,hate -"Because he's so sick of me saying it and not actually doing it. Hahahaha yeah no one cares. I hate my fcking life. I have bpd, avpd and c-ptsd. Everyday is miserable. I hate it here. I want out. Can someone who is planning too please chat me. I wanna talk about ways to go",1,sick saying actually hahahaha yeah one care hate fcking life bpd avpd c ptsd everyday miserable hate want someone planning please chat wan na talk way go -"I put a resolution that if I didn't get a relationship by the time I'm 30 I'm going to kill myself at the end of the year. I'm 29 I turn 30 in 4 mounts I found someone but I really screwed everything up because I feel I don't deserve to be happy with anyone. And this feeling like I should just end it all is still here. - -On how a screwed everything up is I wasn't there when she needed me most when her mother died. I talked to a few others and they think it's because I couldn't handle my mother's own mortality. When this happened I retreated into myself and closed everyone out and barely spoke with anyone. - -I don't know if I can make it much longer because I love her with everything I have and her heart is broken because of me. I hurt her I can't fix it and I can't handle that.",1,put resolution get relationship time 0 going kill end year 9 turn 0 mount found someone really screwed everything feel deserve happy anyone feeling like end still screwed everything needed mother died talked others think handle mother mortality happened retreated closed everyone barely spoke anyone know make much longer love everything heart broken hurt fix handle -"i want to kill myself but i dont want to die, i got my result and i barely passed.. when my dad gets to know he's gonna hit me . im really scared . i tried my best i really did but i cant focus . i dont want to die . please tell me to kill myself",1,want kill dont want die got result barely passed dad get know gon na hit im really scared tried best really cant focus dont want die please tell kill -"…it’s like knowing your place in this world. - -I’ve always been proud of me, I always felt I’ve done things as they should be done: fairly, loving good people, listen to others, helping them, always trying to draw a smile on their faces, and making their world a better place, because life is short and everyone deserves to be happy, no matter what. - -And I thought I deserved that too, but all I can see is that I’m lonier than ever. I never felt what is being loved. The only partner I had abused and cheated on me, leaving me memories like me crying next to him and he sleeping peacefully. I’ve been in love recently again, but I got rejected, like a few times before that previous relationship. I guess I’m not good enough, as always. There’s always prettier people than me. - -I lost friends and people I thought they were my friends. Family and the two-three friends I have now can’t understand how lonely I feel. Some of my “friends” deceived me, when I thought they would be here for me at hard times, like I always did for them. - -All I try to be happy seems to be in vain. I will never be precious to someone. I’m sure that people who knows me will still live if I die, so I don’t care anymore if I die right now. Life goes on for them, but I want to stop mine now. - -My place isn’t in this world. I’m hoping for a sudden death, like a car accident, a domestic accident, or something that kills me, because I’m a coward and I won’t kill myself. Hoping my parents donate my organs, so someone with force of will lives a happy life, a life I wanted for me but I never got.",1,like knowing place world always proud always felt done thing done fairly loving good people listen others helping always trying draw smile face making world better place life short everyone deserves happy matter thought deserved see lonier ever never felt loved partner abused cheated leaving memory like cry next sleeping peacefully love recently got rejected like time previous relationship guess good enough always always prettier people lost friend people thought friend family two three friend understand lonely feel friend deceived thought would hard time like always try happy seems vain never precious someone sure people know still live die care anymore die right life go want stop mine place world hoping sudden death like car accident domestic accident something kill coward kill hoping parent donate organ someone force life happy life life wanted never got -i get so confused sometimes. i don't know whats real. why i'm being so dramatic. if i can ever actually do this,1,get confused sometimes know whats real dramatic ever actually -"People always tell me how handsome I am, I'm 6ft with a muscular build, I have a deep voice, I'm well-read with interesting hobbies and I can make people laugh, but my teenage years were miserable with crippling social anxiety, lack of confidence, 0 friends and most importantly for me, not even a touch of skin with a girl, let alone holding hands. You wouldn't believe just how crippling it was. I couldn't look a stranger in the eye properly until I was 20. I was raised to be away from other kids and naturally my only source of fun was videogames, at least 8 hours a day. People are always surprised to find out I'm single. - -I'll be 25 tonight. I somehow got through college without understanding social cues from my female classmates, a couple of whom I later found out for sure liked me and that they had dropped some ""hints"". My life has been on constant repeat of music, porn, and videogames. I've been begging God since I was 15 for a girlfriend, after 18, I just hoped I would get one soon, and soon, and soon... - -With the pandemic flying by, I realized it's almost been 2 years, and that I'm about to be 25. I can't bear it, it's too painful. Every one of my peers have boyfriends and girlfriends, they HAD at least a couple of long-term ones before my age. This is killing me. I feel like a baby that was never cared for by his parents, so I turned out to be a cold hearted psychopath from lack of love. I feel like I'm literally going insane, I've been having weird ideas lately, not just suicidal ideas, ideas that would scare a normal person. I finally understand how a normal person can go crazy like this - -It doesn't matter if I get a girlfriend now... That part of my life has been so bad, so lonely, that I'm at a point that nothing is able to hold back this suicidal feeling. I've always been more emotional than other guys, especially when it comes to love. I know guys my age that don't care about not having girlfriends, but my problem is not that I don't have a girlfriend NOW, it's that I've never had one when I needed it the most. - -I have a lot of meds in my drawer that I'm gonna gulp down with whiskey and go to sleep after shooting heroin. I jokingly told people that I don't feel like living and their only response was that death is painful. Well, this way it won't hurt a bit",1,people always tell handsome ft muscular build deep voice well read interesting hobby make people laugh teenage year miserable crippling social anxiety lack confidence 0 friend importantly even touch skin girl let alone holding hand believe crippling look stranger eye properly 0 raised away kid naturally source fun videogames least hour day people always surprised find single tonight somehow got college without understanding social cue female classmate couple later found sure liked dropped hint life constant repeat music porn videogames begging god since girlfriend hoped would get one soon soon soon pandemic flying realized almost year bear painful every one peer boyfriend girlfriend least couple long term one age killing feel like baby never cared parent turned cold hearted psychopath lack love feel like literally going insane weird idea lately suicidal idea idea would scare normal person finally understand normal person go crazy like matter get girlfriend part life bad lonely point nothing able hold back suicidal feeling always emotional guy especially come love know guy age care girlfriend problem girlfriend never one needed lot med drawer gon na gulp whiskey go sleep shooting heroin jokingly told people feel like living response death painful well way hurt bit -"i got my things set up i’ll run away and try to cut my wrist probably on some kind of train track or busy road to be certain -i cant deal with life anymore -I’m just exhausted and i want my rest ik i tried to do it but i always bursted out in tears and eventually did not commit to it -but its enough life keeps throwing rocks and i don’t dodge them anymore -i tried getting help and didn’t get any -i tried talking to ppl but got ignored -i tried just going on but now i can’t deal with it anymore - -I fucking 16y/o and i always say its normal to be kinda depressed at this age but i don’t believe its normal -i don’t get love and i probably don’t deserve it -just wanna leave this message for the ppl that know me: you probably don’t care bc i tried talking and you did nothing -its not your fault I’m just a coward and cant deal with it anymore so bye have a wonderful life",1,got thing set run away try cut wrist probably kind train track busy road certain cant deal life anymore exhausted want rest ik tried always bursted tear eventually commit enough life keep throwing rock dodge anymore tried getting help get tried talking ppl got ignored tried going deal anymore fucking always say normal kinda depressed age believe normal get love probably deserve wan na leave message ppl know probably care bc tried talking nothing fault coward cant deal anymore bye wonderful life -"How can I leave my abusive relationship and still keep my cat. I’ve been suicidal and right now my cat is the only part of my life that makes me want to be alive. I don’t have anywhere to go and currently live alone with my bf. Things started becoming physical when I called him out for cheating, now I feel unsafe and desperately want to get away. I’m sure we’re going to be losing our place due to not having money to pay rent. I’m wondering if anyone had resources out there where I can get help to leave and still keep my cat with me. Thank you to any who helps.",1,leave abusive relationship still keep cat suicidal right cat part life make want alive anywhere go currently live alone bf thing started becoming physical called cheating feel unsafe desperately want get away sure going losing place due money pay rent wondering anyone resource get help leave still keep cat thank help -"It can take me almost a week to clean something simple, or put away a small pile of laundry. I didn’t even eat today. By anxiety was too high and when I brought it down, the depression was unbearable. - -All I can think about is how I never asked to be in this life, to be born, especially in todays society. I have trouble connecting with people and my social anxiety is so bad. All the therapists I’ve seen never really cared and acted like I was being over dramatic. The pills made everything worse and now I’m apparently treatment resistant. I can’t even finish my resume because I’m terrified of being around people again. Yet, I can’t find anyone who cares enough to help. My friends don’t understand and they’ve given up on me. I just want a simple stay at home job with very little human interaction. My friend said that’s impossible which made me even more suicidal. - -I hate the phrase “it’s a permanent fix to a temporary situation.” This isn’t temporary. I’ve been dealing with depression and anxiety for basically 15 years now. Yes, I’ve tried to get help but nothing has worked. I just keep getting worse. I don’t want to wake up. I’m too afraid of messing up an attempt that I haven’t gone through with it. I’m just stuck in this hellish existence and I just want it to end. I have no purpose, no meaning. Please, I just want it to end.",1,take almost week clean something simple put away small pile laundry even eat today anxiety high brought depression unbearable think never asked life born especially today society trouble connecting people social anxiety bad therapist seen never really cared acted like dramatic pill made everything worse apparently treatment resistant even finish resume terrified around people yet find anyone care enough help friend understand given want simple stay home job little human interaction friend said impossible made even suicidal hate phrase permanent fix temporary situation temporary dealing depression anxiety basically year yes tried get help nothing worked keep getting worse want wake afraid messing attempt gone stuck hellish existence want end purpose meaning please want end -"I can’t do this anymore I think I might finally end it all I’m just not sure the right method to complete it. I have nothing more to live for I can’t go on feeling how I feel. I’m all alone with no one to help me. Today is just the final straw I just need all the pain inside to end. - -I’ve attempted before and it didn’t work I need to make sure it works this time.",1,anymore think might finally end sure right method complete nothing live go feeling feel alone one help today final straw need pain inside end attempted work need make sure work time -"I’m 15 and recently have gone back to school in person. During Covid were some of the best times of my life strangely enough as I learned I had a passion for Game Development and met so many cool people that I could just hang out with all day and never get bored. Though now that I have gone back to in person schooling I have felt so lonely. I have always struggled with finding close friends with them always having someone else. I feel like everyday is a massive obstacle and it’s so repetitive and I just feel so lonely all the time. IDK what to do anymore I feel like it would just be easier to feel nothing then have to do this shit every god damn day, since I don’t have time to hang out with my game dev friends anymore and I just wanna die and all my other friends go to different schools which makes it rly impossible to get close with them. I have tried talking to girls and I always fuck it up and I just can’t do this shit anymore. I feel so lonely and wanna Kms tho I know I’m too much of a pussy to actually do it since it would be painful.",1,recently gone back school person covid best time life strangely enough learned passion game development met many cool people could hang day never get bored though gone back person schooling felt lonely always struggled finding close friend always someone else feel like everyday massive obstacle repetitive feel lonely time idk anymore feel like would easier feel nothing shit every god damn day since time hang game dev friend anymore wan na die friend go different school make rly impossible get close tried talking girl always fuck shit anymore feel lonely wan na km tho know much pussy actually since would painful -"Sorry for the clickbait title. I just really want to share! Call this number if you’re feeling down and hopefully it’ll lift your spirits: (707) 998-8410 -I saw it on Instagram :)",1,sorry clickbait title really want share call number feeling hopefully lift spirit 0 99 0 saw instagram -"I don't know if I want to die, but I wish I wasn't ever born. I am so fucking confused, I constantly imagine myself getting hit by a train or jumping from high building, I browse ways to get oneself killed, all I have are negative thoughts, I imagine myself killed in accidents or fights. I am on medical studies and I am not fucking interested in anything that these studies involve, I hate each and every one of people that are in here, my group are all guys whose goal in life is to fucking learn as much as they can and boast about it later if they only have chance (destroying other people by chance), they are not fucking human I tell you, their mindset is fascist, hurting and non-respective for others that I sometimes ditch fucking days on uni because of it. They are fake, pretending to be your friends while the other day they plunge you in front of every other. My friendship with my only true homies from high school is constantly deteriorating, my best friend got himself a girlfriend and got so fucking high on her that he completely lost touch with reality, he doesn't fucking care anymore. I do not have a girlfriend, nor a chance to get one. I do not have perspectives for my life, my real ambitions are completely separate from the path that I've already chosen. Every day is the same, I don't find enjoyment in life. I hate degenerate humankind, but I am somewhat a degenerate myself. I suspect myself to be fucking autistic, because of symptoms that appear in everyday social interactions. Call me stupid, incel or whatever, I do not fucking care, I just needed to write this.",1,know want die wish ever born fucking confused constantly imagine getting hit train jumping high building browse way get oneself killed negative thought imagine killed accident fight medical study fucking interested anything study involve hate every one people group guy whose goal life fucking learn much boast later chance destroying people chance fucking human tell mindset fascist hurting non respective others sometimes ditch fucking day uni fake pretending friend day plunge front every friendship true homies high school constantly deteriorating best friend got girlfriend got fucking high completely lost touch reality fucking care anymore girlfriend chance get one perspective life real ambition completely separate path already chosen every day find enjoyment life hate degenerate humankind somewhat degenerate suspect fucking autistic symptom appear everyday social interaction call stupid incel whatever fucking care needed write -"The words ""Kill Yourself"" repeating in my mind every time i think of how fucked my life is",1,word kill repeating mind every time think fucked life -"I can’t tell you how many times I’ve hoped for someone to show up to a place I’m at and shoot me. Maybe then, I’ll make it onto the news. Maybe then someone will give a damn - -Maybe",1,tell many time hoped someone show place shoot maybe make onto news maybe someone give damn maybe -"I’m tired of seeing political shit all the time. Everybody is always making fun of someone or arguing with someone. And it’s EVERYWHERE - -I WANNA FUCKING KILL MYSELF FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF ESCAPING IT - -It’s not just on Reddit either - -It’s YouTube. It’s real life. It’s tv commercials, and tv shows. - -I hate it so much. It makes me lose all hope for humanity. I want to leave this country. But I can’t. I fucking hate living on this god forsaken planet - -Please, if anyone who is hyper political is reading this… - -FUCKING STOP - -DO SOMETHING ELSE",1,tired seeing political shit time everybody always making fun someone arguing someone everywhere wan na fucking kill sole purpose escaping reddit either youtube real life tv commercial tv show hate much make lose hope humanity want leave country fucking hate living god forsaken planet please anyone hyper political reading fucking stop something else -"For as far as I could remember I was always depressed and hopeless. I was always the mediator so I took in all the negative energy from others and let everyone use me like a emotional punching bag. I grew up in a very dysfunctional way and I don't want to share it exactly but I want it to be known. Not only that but I have been fucked at every turn in life. I've been sexually manipulated, almost burned alive, neglected, and I've been told to just deal with it even though it pained me extraordinarily so. The biggest thing that made me want to commit was when my father passed and ever since I felt suicidal. - -Last March I was going through some bad memories and I was just being extremely depressed. I remember waking up at 3am and numb in every conceivable way, emotionally, mentally, and physically. It was like I was in a trance and before I knew it I was making a noose. When I was done I went outside and found a tree to tie the noose on and then before I did it I snapped out of it. I remember just standing there and looking at the noose for good 5 minutes or so and then I chickened out. I took the noose and threw it behind my shed and went to talk to suicide hotline. - -Sometimes I feel like I should've just ended it then and there. I still get so depressed and angry that I just have no idea on what to do. That urge is creeping back and I feel more of a waste of space than ever.. what should I do?",1,far could remember always depressed hopeless always mediator took negative energy others let everyone use like emotional punching bag grew dysfunctional way want share exactly want known fucked every turn life sexually manipulated almost burned alive neglected told deal even though pained extraordinarily biggest thing made want commit father passed ever since felt suicidal last march going bad memory extremely depressed remember waking numb every conceivable way emotionally mentally physically like trance knew making noose done went outside found tree tie noose snapped remember standing looking noose good minute chickened took noose threw behind shed went talk suicide hotline sometimes feel like ended still get depressed angry idea urge creeping back feel waste space ever -"Now I regret ever seeking help, the hotline had me wait so long and basically just mirror my words. What's the point of looking for help anyway? They just add to things I fail again.",1,regret ever seeking help hotline wait long basically mirror word point looking help anyway add thing fail -" -I’m trying to take a sick/mental health day but it’s not working. -I’m so paranoid I won’t get to graduate eighth grade for having 16.5 absences. Yeah our school gives us 9 per semester but I’m scared. And yeah my principle has been pretty lenient and let people with 3 F’s pass. I have good grades, but I always think everything is going to turn out horribly for me no matter what I do. -I feel so useless. My friends don’t seem like they even like me. I’m pretty much down to one friend that actually likes me and it’s an older girl I met online and that’s pretty much it. I want to die, everyone and everything ends up hurting me.",1,trying take sick mental health day working paranoid get graduate eighth grade absence yeah school give u 9 per semester scared yeah principle pretty lenient let people f pas good grade always think everything going turn horribly matter feel useless friend seem like even like pretty much one friend actually like older girl met online pretty much want die everyone everything end hurting -I’d give anything to die. I can’t take this pain anymore.,1,give anything die take pain anymore -I'm not fat and dumb it's just how my life's been for a long time now and I don't see any change happening in the next few months or years idk,1,fat dumb life long time see change happening next month year idk -"Im so tired of being alive and experiencing things in general. Nothing is fun, I suffer non stop and I feel like people that try to get rid of me are following me. What’s the point to live when I’m only going to encounter these people everywhere and work a 8hour job just to go home and sleep. I feel like the only reason people want me to stay alive is so that I can be put to use for them. I have 500g of SN and antiemetics. Maybe I will put them to use tomorrow. Sometimes I wish I could just hire a killer to do the job for me",1,im tired alive experiencing thing general nothing fun suffer non stop feel like people try get rid following point live going encounter people everywhere work hour job go home sleep feel like reason people want stay alive put use 00g sn antiemetic maybe put use tomorrow sometimes wish could hire killer job -"idk how or when, maybe overdose on some pills but i don’t wanna suffer or maybe hang myself but again i don’t wanna suffer",1,idk maybe overdose pill wan na suffer maybe hang wan na suffer -"Im so tired. I just want to sleep forever. Making a promise to myself that tonight is the night. - -Reaching out for help didn't work. - -I can't do this anymore sorry guys",1,im tired want sleep forever making promise tonight night reaching help work anymore sorry guy -"I dont remember the first 6 years of my life due to my father and his friends molesting me till Mum finally managed to get away from him. My earliest memory is drowning at the age of 7 and having no one to care about me afterwards I was just sent on my way. At 10 I was accused of beating my little brother when nobody was looking, Mum refused to believe me even when he finally said it was a kid at school. That was the first time I nearly killed myself. Life has not gotten better, my sister married another abuser, my step dad lost the house and car, and my Mum is a neurotic mess who couldn't give a shit about me besides as her emergency atm. I dont see why I should bother with life when this is all I have known, it literally never gets better, I finally know how I will do it, I have given myself weeks to see if I still want to do it and nothing has changed. My family probably wont know for a while nor care so this may be my only chance to say good bye. Life is just shit for some people, I lost before I got a chance to start and I am fine with that now I suppose.",1,dont remember first year life due father friend molesting till mum finally managed get away earliest memory drowning age one care afterwards sent way 0 accused beating little brother nobody looking mum refused believe even finally said kid school first time nearly killed life gotten better sister married another abuser step dad lost house car mum neurotic mess give shit besides emergency atm dont see bother life known literally never get better finally know given week see still want nothing changed family probably wont know care may chance say good bye life shit people lost got chance start fine suppose -"my roomate talks with her parents everyday for atleast 20/30 mins. And the maximum duration I spend on call with my parents is 5 mins. It's not like they don't love me but I guess I'm too boring or irritating for my parents too. Being a loner with no friends, I crave for that extra one minute to talk and share what happened in the day with my parents (ofc holding my tears back). I hate how my roommates are social butterflies and how they are connected with their parents too. I hate myself",1,roomate talk parent everyday atleast 0 0 min maximum duration spend call parent min like love guess boring irritating parent loner friend crave extra one minute talk share happened day parent ofc holding tear back hate roommate social butterfly connected parent hate -"I lost everything. Lost friends, lost the love of my life (most painful), lost my tooth (have a fragile filling), lost my youth. I keep losing. I ruined everything and keep ruining everything. I am tired. I really want to know my future. Will I find my place in society and a loving heart? Or will I die alone, miserable and pathetic? Should I risk and keep living? I don't like risking. Dying seems like a safe option. My existence is pathetic, I am the worst ""man"" alive. Cowardly and egoistic.",1,lost everything lost friend lost love life painful lost tooth fragile filling lost youth keep losing ruined everything keep ruining everything tired really want know future find place society loving heart die alone miserable pathetic risk keep living like risking dying seems like safe option existence pathetic worst man alive cowardly egoistic -"ive always been extremely considerate for peoples needs even sacrificing my own for the sake of their needs. always just never telling the full picture or always refraining from saying certain things as i do not want to offend people. i just never get that level of consideration back. not even half of it. i must be a prick asking for this stuff. i shouldnt expect anything for being kind. but it always sucks when you always get the short end of the stick. always ignored no one gives a shit. not even from redditors. though ive met some pretty kind ones but the others are honestly garbage. - -i remember i once typed something about killing myself and some random person messaged me sayinng that they want me to buy something for them as i anyways would not stay here for long. that was a year ago on this subreddit. there was a deleted comment in that post but i guess it was the person who messaged me that. one year ago ready to kill myself and here we are a year later and no progress with that. i also remember another dude who said tick tock when i mentioned about killing myself. not in this subreddit but from the trueoffmychest one. - - -i honestly fucking wonder why im even here. ive amounted to almost nothing. im tired of caring or expecting any form of love. ive had so much copium in my entire life that i just never realised that no one really gives a shit about me and im just dangling on a fucking thread that just wont fucking break cuz im a coward who secretly wants to live but just wants this fucing contant pain misery and dissappointment to just go away for once in my miserable life. - - -TLDR - fuck everything and everyone. goodbye and goodnight",1,ive always extremely considerate people need even sacrificing sake need always never telling full picture always refraining saying certain thing want offend people never get level consideration back even half must prick asking stuff shouldnt expect anything kind always suck always get short end stick always ignored one give shit even redditors though ive met pretty kind one others honestly garbage remember typed something killing random person messaged sayinng want buy something anyways would stay long year ago subreddit deleted comment post guess person messaged one year ago ready kill year later progress also remember another dude said tick tock mentioned killing subreddit trueoffmychest one honestly fucking wonder im even ive amounted almost nothing im tired caring expecting form love ive much copium entire life never realised one really give shit im dangling fucking thread wont fucking break cuz im coward secretly want live want fucing contant pain misery dissappointment go away miserable life tldr fuck everything everyone goodbye goodnight -"The title pretty much sums up everything. I turned 21 a couple of days ago and I’ve been dealing with my depression etc. for a couple of years now, and I’ve been feeling completely hopeless about my future and everything else. I just want to disappear forever.",1,title pretty much sum everything turned couple day ago dealing depression etc couple year feeling completely hopeless future everything else want disappear forever -I’m so tired of living. Every day I wake up and resent that I’m still alive wasting oxygen. I’m in pain every day. I want it all to stop. I wish my mum had an abortion when she was pregnant with me. I hate myself.,1,tired living every day wake resent still alive wasting oxygen pain every day want stop wish mum abortion pregnant hate -"I'm 19 years old and I have been depressed and lonely since I was 12. - I have had some ups and some people that I connected with over the years but I have lost them all or was betrayed by them. I don't know how to talk with other people, even people who have similar interests to me and I always think I make everyone feel awkward when they are around me or that I'm imposing myself on them. -Every month I tell myself that things will get better and sometimes they do, but then I lose what made me happy and everything else goes wrong too. -It's been years of telling myself that things will get better only to have them turn worse and I'm so tired of it. I am really afraid of death and I realize that I don't want my life to end, I just want another life but suicide is starting to sound like the most bearable option.",1,9 year old depressed lonely since ups people connected year lost betrayed know talk people even people similar interest always think make everyone feel awkward around imposing every month tell thing get better sometimes lose made happy everything else go wrong year telling thing get better turn worse tired really afraid death realize want life end want another life suicide starting sound like bearable option -So i have a friend that is showing warning signs of suicide. What do i do to avoid a crisis situation and what do i do if it becomes a crisis and help is too far out. I know every second matters and every action and word can mean the difference between life and death for my friend. Any and all help is appreciated,1,friend showing warning sign suicide avoid crisis situation becomes crisis help far know every second matter every action word mean difference life death friend help appreciated -"I need therapy, and I finally fully acknowledge it. I am an unemployment 18 years old student in Lebanon (middle east, not the US). My parents are some old-school arab folks that would never entertain the idea of me going to therapy, and the fact that I could never share the real reason behind it only makes things harder and the possibility of them cooperating even more impossible. Thankfully, I can figure out how to sneak to therapy behind their back and although I have it really hard money wise, I could afford a mid-to-low budget therapist... As long as it will get me anywhere! It would be the absolute biggest financial burden ever but I guess I gotta heal. - - -My problem? Among a couple lesser ones, I am what would be best described as, in my own words, casually suicidal. I have been for so long just wanting to die, and although I have no intention to act on it... it weighs a lot on you to be jealous out of all things from people that die around you. I am scared that talking about it to a therapist might make her have to break confidentiality. Another thing that I am worried about is that any therapist I'd go to might not be okay with me because of my beliefs. I am pretty certain that my nihilistic philosophy, backed by my lack of religious belief, would have to be talked about. Problem is that I live in a Muslim community and in these communities my perspective on religion isnt taken lightly. - - -What is your take, your opinion and all of that? -Sorry if the text is messy and all over the place, I just wanted to journal and thought that I might use this opportunity to take someone's opinion as well.",1,need therapy finally fully acknowledge unemployment year old student lebanon middle east u parent old school arab folk would never entertain idea going therapy fact could never share real reason behind make thing harder possibility cooperating even impossible thankfully figure sneak therapy behind back although really hard money wise could afford mid low budget therapist long get anywhere would absolute biggest financial burden ever guess got ta heal problem among couple lesser one would best described word casually suicidal long wanting die although intention act weighs lot jealous thing people die around scared talking therapist might make break confidentiality another thing worried therapist go might okay belief pretty certain nihilistic philosophy backed lack religious belief would talked problem live muslim community community perspective religion isnt taken lightly take opinion sorry text messy place wanted journal thought might use opportunity take someone opinion well -"TW Sui attempt/mention of methods/invalidation. Take care of yourself before reading. i'm really really confused because I keep really really invalidating all the times I wanted to die. I don't want to call them attempts because they aren't serious. I took ((redacted amount, but not a lot)) of Zoloft the first time which is not enough to kill anyone. I didn't know that but I wanted to die so that's the closest I think I've ever gotten to a real attempt, but I feel like it's more of an OD than an attempt and i'm just calling it an attempt based of my niévete at the time. The other two were the same night so I don't even know if I should classify them as separate or not. The first the rope was way too long, and the second I didn't tie it correctly and it slipped. I didn't try after that but like I never even got a little choked can I even call those attempts? I wanted to die but wasn't in any danger. These were all years ago and I've had some therapists say they were attempts but I don't really believe that. I wasn't close to dying like my intentions. I'm so ashamed to even call them attempts because they seem so pitiful. This past December I feel confident calling my cut a suicidal gesture because if I wasn't chicken I would have gone deeper into the artery. I still needed stitches though because I wanted to die but knew that I wouldn't go deep enough so that's not even a true attempt either. Everyone else I talk to in my life with attempts is like ""yeah I attempted X amount of times and almost died and had to be in the hospital"" and i'm sitting over here thinking how fucked up is it that i'm calling my pitiful gestures attempts when they haven't even come close to having negative consequences. It doesn't seem right to me. Am I just calling them attempts for attention because I want to make people think it was more severe then it actually was?",1,tw sui attempt mention method invalidation take care reading really really confused keep really really invalidating time wanted die want call attempt serious took redacted amount lot zoloft first time enough kill anyone know wanted die closest think ever gotten real attempt feel like od attempt calling attempt based ni vete time two night even know classify separate first rope way long second tie correctly slipped try like never even got little choked even call attempt wanted die danger year ago therapist say attempt really believe close dying like intention ashamed even call attempt seem pitiful past december feel confident calling cut suicidal gesture chicken would gone deeper artery still needed stitch though wanted die knew go deep enough even true attempt either everyone else talk life attempt like yeah attempted x amount time almost died hospital sitting thinking fucked calling pitiful gesture attempt even come close negative consequence seem right calling attempt attention want make people think severe actually -"I was on the edge of killing myself. I was dissociating and experiencing derealization on a daily basis. I didn't think I would ever make a decision to pull the trigger, but I was convinced one day I would sleepwalk into doing it. It was strange, but maybe some of you know what that feels like. - -I quit drinking and doing all drugs. I was depressed for a week, but now I have not felt this good in years. Five years, maybe. I feel like myself again. I tell jokes. I think clearly about things and find enjoyment in life. Nothing else has changed in my life, but the weight of my emotional problems just does not feel as heavy, and it is not something that I am burdened by every minute of every day like it was before. - -I don't care what anyone else does with their life. I'll probably have a drink when I go out again starting in a few weeks. But before anyone takes drastic measures, please try cleaning up JUST to see what your mind feels like in its natural state. It has worked for me and I did not ever think I would feel normal again. It is working and I really, really hope it can work for some of you too. Nobody should have to feel the way we have felt.",1,edge killing dissociating experiencing derealization daily basis think would ever make decision pull trigger convinced one day would sleepwalk strange maybe know feel like quit drinking drug depressed week felt good year five year maybe feel like tell joke think clearly thing find enjoyment life nothing else changed life weight emotional problem feel heavy something burdened every minute every day like care anyone else life probably drink go starting week anyone take drastic measure please try cleaning see mind feel like natural state worked ever think would feel normal working really really hope work nobody feel way felt -"I tried to make my dreams come true. Trying to make the law school thing work, but it just won't happen. I just wanted to succeed in law so bad, but after the constant humiliation, inability to compete with my peers, and lack of a discernable future I've realized I'm not intelligent enough to succeed. Alcohol has taken over my life recently, trying to runaway from all the failures has me in a drunken stooper most nights. So, as would obviously follow, im just thinking about escaping this world. Leaving it all behind and doing so in a responsible way in which only i would be harmed. I'm just not cut out for this world. I know this with certainty, I've seen enough of life to where i just know im not strong enough to withstand it's horrors. I want this world to no longer have to deal with me, i want no one to ever have to know me.",1,tried make dream come true trying make law school thing work happen wanted succeed law bad constant humiliation inability compete peer lack discernable future realized intelligent enough succeed alcohol taken life recently trying runaway failure drunken stooper night would obviously follow im thinking escaping world leaving behind responsible way would harmed cut world know certainty seen enough life know im strong enough withstand horror want world longer deal want one ever know -"I have nothing to offer anybody that they can’t and don’t get from a dozen other, better people. I’m ashamed to even exist in front of others, let alone pretend that I’m a real, interesting, in ANY way attractive person. I’m tired of pretending though. I’m tired of feeling like (knowing that) nobody cares and for good reason. Other people are just unconcerned with me. All of them, always. I’m going to be alone until I kill myself. Nothing helps, nothing will help. I’m just a reject, which makes so much of life off limits to me, and it’s parts that feel extremely important.",1,nothing offer anybody get dozen better people ashamed even exist front others let alone pretend real interesting way attractive person tired pretending though tired feeling like knowing nobody care good reason people unconcerned always going alone kill nothing help nothing help reject make much life limit part feel extremely important -i lost a 50 dollar bill my mom gave me for emergency money that i have to give back to her. I think that’s god saying it’s time for me to leave. I’m so poor and that was not something i could lose. I deserve to starve because of my stupid mistake i don’t even deserve food i don’t deserve to afford food anyway.,1,lost 0 dollar bill mom gave emergency money give back think god saying time leave poor something could lose deserve starve stupid mistake even deserve food deserve afford food anyway -I fucking hate my life. I hate everyone,1,fucking hate life hate everyone -"For as long as I can remember I’ve always just felt inferior. I’m not good at anything, I’m not attractive, I’m not rich, I don’t have any unique talents or abilities. I literally just exist to let people down. I always thought that as I got older I’d slowly figure it all out but it hasn’t gotten better and it never will - -I deserve to die for being a burden to everyone in my life",1,long remember always felt inferior good anything attractive rich unique talent ability literally exist let people always thought got older slowly figure gotten better never deserve die burden everyone life -What the title says,1,title say -"Loved her and gave her everything. We went through alot. Cancer for my mom, cancer for her mom. We leaned on eachother. Stress. Life. Living together. Just so much love for her. - -If you check my last post on r/Infidelity you can see the details. - -Basically she dumped me said she feels numb, needs to be alone. Stress, her mothers illness, work, all that. Devastated me. I accepted her decision and even told her if she feels like she needs to be alone she's doing the right thing. I was going to propose soon. - -Now I was devastated already. Really bad. Really in the most pain. And now, to find out she was cheating. Puts it on a whole new level. The feelings of being thrown in the garbage and replaced. The feeling of inadequacy, like I can't be loved. Theres a way out and I can end the pain. I don't see a way out for me. Im so lonely. Im in so much pain.",1,loved gave everything went alot cancer mom cancer mom leaned eachother stress life living together much love check last post r infidelity see detail basically dumped said feel numb need alone stress mother illness work devastated accepted decision even told feel like need alone right thing going propose soon devastated already really bad really pain find cheating put whole new level feeling thrown garbage replaced feeling inadequacy like loved there way end pain see way im lonely im much pain -"when all i did was be there for her. i drove fucking miles when her anxiety was about to make her pass out, when her parents wouldn’t understand, even when she left and there were pregnancy scares and thoughts of him leaving. and now the whole town knows me as a fucking rapist and stalker even though we only kissed once. i know this is going to sound fucked up even worse but i genuinely can’t take the lies. no one should get away with doing that to someone else and i really don’t think im going to let her. i really really really really don’t want to but it’s all I can think about. god help me.",1,drove fucking mile anxiety make pas parent understand even left pregnancy scare thought leaving whole town know fucking rapist stalker even though kissed know going sound fucked even worse genuinely take lie one get away someone else really think im going let really really really really want think god help -"I wish I have never been born. Funnily enough, I was saved by the doctors, at least, twice in my life. I don't understand fate really. There are/were many more deserving people to live than I am. - -Now, I have to clear all this mess that I've created. I need to get rid of/take care of so many things. I don't want my family to face all these problems after my death. I don't want anybody at work to know. I did not even want to create this post, but by writing it, the pain becomes more bearable and I can focus on finishing the things I need to do. At least that is the plan. - -But there is still such a long road ahead of me and the pain is so unbearable, so relentless, and suffocating. I would really like to give up sooner and I can't 😢 I want to escape my mind and my feelings. Be somewhere else... not to exist would be paradise...",1,wish never born funnily enough saved doctor least twice life understand fate really many deserving people live clear mess created need get rid take care many thing want family face problem death want anybody work know even want create post writing pain becomes bearable focus finishing thing need least plan still long road ahead pain unbearable relentless suffocating would really like give sooner want escape mind feeling somewhere else exist would paradise -"waiting for godot is a play where nothing happens. two men stand at a bus stop waiting for a man named godot to come. he never arrives. - -that's existence. waiting for someone or something that never arrives. i've been waiting for my friends for a long time, and yet they never come. i used to think i had a few close friends who would be there for me when i needed them, but time has proven otherwise. so i'm waiting for godot, now. but sooner or later i could simply find a ticket and take a bus.",1,waiting godot play nothing happens two men stand bus stop waiting man named godot come never arrives existence waiting someone something never arrives waiting friend long time yet never come used think close friend would needed time proven otherwise waiting godot sooner later could simply find ticket take bus -I want to overdose and be done with this shit. I’m tired. Any pill combos that could help me?,1,want overdose done shit tired pill combo could help -"Because I have a feeling that most of you see yourselves as Rick's. You feel like you're a God cuz you've realized that you could transcend emotions and everything. But you're just trash in the end, at least that is how I feel xd",1,feeling see rick feel like god cuz realized could transcend emotion everything trash end least feel xd -Haven't written here in a long time. Let myself believe I was getting better. But seems like it's all just a scam. I just wish I had my escape route open. We shifted a few months ago and now my escape hatch is gone too.,1,written long time let believe getting better seems like scam wish escape route open shifted month ago escape hatch gone -"I feel so trapped. Been through a divorce that’s completely breaking me financially. I have no friends, and I work too much to make them. I was dating a lady, fell hard for her, and I can’t move past her or get over her since we work directly with each other. My job is a fairly uncommon one, so I don’t have much opportunity for another one that’s pays as well. I’m completely stuck and I just want to be done with all of life’s bullshit. That’s all I ever get handed is bullshit",1,feel trapped divorce completely breaking financially friend work much make dating lady fell hard move past get since work directly job fairly uncommon one much opportunity another one pay well completely stuck want done life bullshit ever get handed bullshit -"It feels like ever since I was younger, I couldn’t ever make myself feel a will to live. For context: I was abused pretty badly by my mom at a young age, hit in the face, beer bottles broken over my head, and all the mental shit that came with it. And at 18 my grandma took me in, and then I moved into my own place at my age now: 20. But the feeling never went away- in fact it stayed with me, and I’ve always been lonely. Never even had my first kiss through out my life, and the feeling of just shooting my fucking brains all over my wall gets stronger each week. I have called hotlines and it’s helped a lot, but I never get over it in the long run.",1,feel like ever since younger ever make feel live context abused pretty badly mom young age hit face beer bottle broken head mental shit came grandma took moved place age 0 feeling never went away fact stayed always lonely never even first kiss life feeling shooting fucking brain wall get stronger week called hotlines helped lot never get long run -"I’m at a very weird place in my life right now. I’m a 21 year old male in college. I’m failing my college classes as I have no motivation to do well in them, I have a very poor relationship with my parents and family, the one organization in my college that I’m extremely involved with has cut ties with me over accusations that are not true (I have a leadership role in this organization and being a leader in the organization with no prior experience has brought me a ton of haters and people that just want to see my downfall), I literally have no future as I’m supposed to graduate this semester and get a job but I am nowhere near both, I can’t pursue my real passion, and to top it all of and what really might put me over the edge is problems with this woman in my life. We met through this organization that I was talking about earlier in this text, as a captain, I have my own committee of people that I oversee and she was one of my committee members. The first time we hung out in October, she took me out to a bar after I turned 21, it was just me and her. We quickly started to develop this really cool friendship where’d we hangout and talk almost daily. As a young man hopeless in love, I started to develop feelings but nothing crazy because I almost always saw her as a best friend first and I’m sure she felt the same way. Then we were at a bar about a month ago, she was talking to some guy at the bar and I was having a funny conversation with my friends but I could see from the corner of my eye that she was talking to this man and that’s when I first started feeling these feelings of jealousy but I could tell she was looking at me too talking to my friends. And she came to me and we embraced and I hugged her almost all night, had my arms around her and everything and she had her hands over mine too and we just kept feeling each other. This was the first time we ever moved into this phase of our friendship and I think we both felt something brewing in our hearts for one another. A few days went by and I was out yet again, talking to this other chick I met at the bar and we ended up almost hooking up back at my place but I couldn’t go through with it because all I could think about was my best friend who I really liked. I’m an introvert at heart and will always keep my feelings inside because I’m scared to tell people how I feel and I suppress those feelings but literally the next day after this hookup that didn’t happen, I was at a friend’s 21st birthday party and got hammered myself and I had this urge of wanting to tell my best friend how I truly felt about her and that’s exactly what I did. It was a Thursday night, she always goes to this one specific club on Thursday nights so I ditched my friends and went to that club to see her and it literally played out like a romantic film… she was the first person I saw when I walked in and went up to her and for the first time in my life, I poured my heart out to her and told her how i felt about her and how she makes me feel and at first she was shocked and then she said she felt the same way and we kissed for a long time. At this moment, I was on cloud 9, I had never had a girlfriend before, had never been in a relationship before, but in this moment, it was just me and her against the world and I loved it. We started to head back to my apartment, but the alcohol was kicking in for me and I passed out once I got back to my apartment. I woke up the next day and saw her heels on the floor but she was nowhere to be found. So I texted her and told her that I was sorry for passing out from the alcohol but I meant every word I told her last night. She didn’t text me back till later that day and she said that she was thinking about it all day and night and she didn’t want to fuck up our friendship as it’s one of the few good things in her life right now and I totally get that… was I disappointed hearing this, yeah of course I was but I texted her back saying that we can talk about this in-person another time but for right now, enjoy your weekend. The next day, we saw each other at a party and I talked to her outside and told her that I’d rather say we tried to make it work and it didn’t rather than not giving us a chance at all and she never gave me a clear answer. She texted me later that night saying that she needed a break and some time to think so I said okay. A few days later, we had our last committee meeting and it was so awkward cause we hadn’t talked before and we were on this so called “break” and after the meeting ended, she immediately left even though she usually waits for me. I got a text from her later that night around 2am saying that this letter I wrote for everyone on my committee was very sweet and cute and I asked her how long this “break” should last and she said she wasn’t sure as she didn’t want me to think that she was leading me on which I thought she was doing. So we hopped on this FaceTime call and had a really nice, long conversation about all the stuff we had to catch up on and then after an hour I switched the topic back to our relationship and she basically said that she didn’t feel the same way. I was so hurt when she said this because all the signs pointed to her liking me too and I really felt like I knew what her heart was saying. We both went to sleep crying that night for each other. The next day, I sent her a text this time saying that I do need some space to figure things out and we can talk after spring break. So for the next week, we didn’t talk, she didn’t view my stories, like any of my social media posts, and just simply didn’t communicate with each other and it was one of the worst things for me to go through as she was someone I really looked forward to talking to and to not be able to do that just sucked. The Sunday before we came back to college, I texted her and asked if she’d be down to hangout that first week we got back and she said she was down to do so and I was so happy because it felt like I was getting my friend back again. But then a few days later, she angrily texts me asking if I told anyone that we hooked up (which isn’t true) and I told her that I didn’t (which is true). There were rumors going around about us from people that saw us hangout a lot, that saw us embrace at the bars, that saw us kiss at the club, and saw us walk back to my apartment together so people could only assume that we were a thing. And I kept telling her that but she wasn’t having it. She FaceTimed me saying that she regretted ever kissing me, she didn’t want to be friends anymore and all this shit. I was extremely hurt hearing this and just wanted my friend back and wanted to forget ever opening up my feelings for her. So I sent her a really long text explaining that I never said anything, that I really cared about her, and just wanted my best friend back. She responded by saying that she appreciated me reaching out and that she was over the situation and that she’s not ready to move forward with me and doesn’t think our friendship will ever be the same. So I texted her this morning and I said I get it and if there was any way we could meet in person and just talk. She responded back by saying that she’s potentially open to it but not now, maybe next week so I said, I just genuinely need someone to talk to but I understand her. The last text she sent me was “I don’t think I can be that person for you anymore. I’m sorry.” I am heartbroken, devastated, and hopeless. Angry at myself, angry at this world, and I just want to leave. I have no direction in life, no one to turn to anymore, and I just want to end it all as soon as possible.",1,weird place life right year old male college failing college class motivation well poor relationship parent family one organization college extremely involved cut tie accusation true leadership role organization leader organization prior experience brought ton hater people want see downfall literally future supposed graduate semester get job nowhere near pursue real passion top really might put edge problem woman life met organization talking earlier text captain committee people oversee one committee member first time hung october took bar turned quickly started develop really cool friendship hangout talk almost daily young man hopeless love started develop feeling nothing crazy almost always saw best friend first sure felt way bar month ago talking guy bar funny conversation friend could see corner eye talking man first started feeling feeling jealousy could tell looking talking friend came embraced hugged almost night arm around everything hand mine kept feeling first time ever moved phase friendship think felt something brewing heart one another day went yet talking chick met bar ended almost hooking back place go could think best friend really liked introvert heart always keep feeling inside scared tell people feel suppress feeling literally next day hookup happen friend st birthday party got hammered urge wanting tell best friend truly felt exactly thursday night always go one specific club thursday night ditched friend went club see literally played like romantic film first person saw walked went first time life poured heart told felt make feel first shocked said felt way kissed long time moment cloud 9 never girlfriend never relationship moment world loved started head back apartment alcohol kicking passed got back apartment woke next day saw heel floor nowhere found texted told sorry passing alcohol meant every word told last night text back till later day said thinking day night want fuck friendship one good thing life right totally get disappointed hearing yeah course texted back saying talk person another time right enjoy weekend next day saw party talked outside told rather say tried make work rather giving u chance never gave clear answer texted later night saying needed break time think said okay day later last committee meeting awkward cause talked called break meeting ended immediately left even though usually wait got text later night around saying letter wrote everyone committee sweet cute asked long break last said sure want think leading thought hopped facetime call really nice long conversation stuff catch hour switched topic back relationship basically said feel way hurt said sign pointed liking really felt like knew heart saying went sleep cry night next day sent text time saying need space figure thing talk spring break next week talk view story like social medium post simply communicate one worst thing go someone really looked forward talking able sucked sunday came back college texted asked hangout first week got back said happy felt like getting friend back day later angrily text asking told anyone hooked true told true rumor going around u people saw u hangout lot saw u embrace bar saw u kiss club saw u walk back apartment together people could assume thing kept telling facetimed saying regretted ever kissing want friend anymore shit extremely hurt hearing wanted friend back wanted forget ever opening feeling sent really long text explaining never said anything really cared wanted best friend back responded saying appreciated reaching situation ready move forward think friendship ever texted morning said get way could meet person talk responded back saying potentially open maybe next week said genuinely need someone talk understand last text sent think person anymore sorry heartbroken devastated hopeless angry angry world want leave direction life one turn anymore want end soon possible -"So I'm starting to reach the point of getting rid of things I own. That way no one else has to do that. I don't really want to be in this mood, but I don't see why I should bother trying anymore. I'm at the point where I can't hide how miserable I am and I don't want people to tell me it will get better or that I've come such a long way. I feel like I'm holding those people back, and they're wasting their energy on me. I'm not scared of dying anymore, even though all I want is to not feel like garbage.",1,starting reach point getting rid thing way one else really want mood see bother trying anymore point hide miserable want people tell get better come long way feel like holding people back wasting energy scared dying anymore even though want feel like garbage -"I've just massively overdosed on all of my prescriptions and it won't be long till I get peace. I live by myself so no stopping it now. No point complaining about why, but I guess this is just a last goodbye. It's too late to go back on it. I finally feel like I've made the right choice for the first time in my life. It's nice. -Thanks -Good luck",1,massively overdosed prescription long till get peace live stopping point complaining guess last goodbye late go back finally feel like made right choice first time life nice thanks good luck -Im 17 now and my entire fucking life people have laughed at me. Every day I get told negative things about my body and personality. Every fucking day. A while back I reached out to my friends about self harm. All they did was joke around and tell me to cut myself deeper. Now I told them about suicide. And they did exactly the same. They even gave me methods on how to do it. I just wanna die. I wanna stop existing and then everything will be over. Why is it so hard for them to understand this is serious? I don't get it.,1,im entire fucking life people laughed every day get told negative thing body personality every fucking day back reached friend self harm joke around tell cut deeper told suicide exactly even gave method wan na die wan na stop existing everything hard understand serious get -,1,nan -"I feel trapped and like there's no way out. Everything feels like shit. I went through tons of family and mental health issues but I soldiered on and I got my college diploma in social science and my bachelor degree in sociology. I was on the Dean's list. I worked my ass off through mental illness and exhaustion and I'm in thousands of dollars debt. I did everything people told me to do. Keep going. Get a degree. Take out loans. And now I can't find a fucking job that doesn't pay total shit. Public transit is beyond atrocious. I just have 30k debt staring at me in the face every time I open my bank app. I've applied to hundreds of jobs. Hundreds. Of. Jobs. - - -My brother wants me to go back to school and get more debt. More. Fucking. Debt. He wants me to leave my boyfriend and move to another province. I can't talk to him about my issues because every time that's all he suggests. Same with my best friend. My dad lives in a tiny town in Newfoundland and makes shit wages. My mom lives somewhere in Ontario and has made no effort to help me out, despite not getting to see me grow up due to a nasty divorce. - - -I have no will left. I'm afraid I'm gonna snap and go crazy. I try really really hard to be positive but it's really hard to keep it up. I feel like I'm in one of those traps where the walls are slowing squishing you until you die. Please, does anyone have any advice? Anyone? I'm dying. My hope is fading so fast.",1,feel trapped like way everything feel like shit went ton family mental health issue soldiered got college diploma social science bachelor degree sociology dean list worked as mental illness exhaustion thousand dollar debt everything people told keep going get degree take loan find fucking job pay total shit public transit beyond atrocious 0k debt staring face every time open bank app applied hundred job hundred job brother want go back school get debt fucking debt want leave boyfriend move another province talk issue every time suggests best friend dad life tiny town newfoundland make shit wage mom life somewhere ontario made effort help despite getting see grow due nasty divorce left afraid gon na snap go crazy try really really hard positive really hard keep feel like one trap wall slowing squishing die please anyone advice anyone dying hope fading fast -"I'm a high-school student F(14) and I'm not living in a country which speaks English so I'm sorry if I'm making grammatical mistakes. I'm so exhausted, I have DID because of the s$xual as1ault I went thru as a child. I can't deal with all these flashbacks and I have exams, responsibilities. I can't even get out of bed but I have to study for exams. I don't even know what I want in the future. I don't want a future at this point. I can't do this anymore so I decided to end it all tonight. Goodbye everyone",1,high school student f living country speaks english sorry making grammatical mistake exhausted xual ault went thru child deal flashback exam responsibility even get bed study exam even know want future want future point anymore decided end tonight goodbye everyone -,1,nan -"Yeah maybe you get your shit off your chest but nobody really cares even here for the most part, maybe 100 people read what you wrote, but probably just 1 will comment on it and say something to cherish you. -Can someone make a group chat or like a discord server where we can VC and talk for hours and hours..idfk please.",1,yeah maybe get shit chest nobody really care even part maybe 00 people read wrote probably comment say something cherish someone make group chat like discord server vc talk hour hour idfk please -"I was just doing my fucking job today like any other normal person, and somebody was (very obviously) taking photos of me. - -Why fucking live like this. My life is already shit because I'm disabled and in chronic physical pain that will persist for my entire life. People just have to dump more on me by alienating Me. - -I hate my life. I want to die but also I want everybody who has ever taken a picture of me to die also. I hate them and myself. - -Nothing but staring laughing and pointing whenever I go outside. It must be such a fucking privilege to look normal and never have to deal with those things.",1,fucking job today like normal person somebody obviously taking photo fucking live like life already shit disabled chronic physical pain persist entire life people dump alienating hate life want die also want everybody ever taken picture die also hate nothing staring laughing pointing whenever go outside must fucking privilege look normal never deal thing -Surviving and being in worst condition or facing the disappointment of my family is the only thing stopping me from ending it.,1,surviving worst condition facing disappointment family thing stopping ending -I feel so much worse after talking to a counseller I swear this time I might actually do it,1,feel much worse talking counseller swear time might actually -"Suicidal all weekend, watched the infamous funky town gore video, I’m usually ok with gore and death, but that was horrific. Made me think, could that be me in hell for eternity. I mean if humans could do something that drawn out and horrific, there’s no telling what would be in store down there, and all because I couldn’t handle the cruelty of human nature.",1,suicidal weekend watched infamous funky town gore video usually ok gore death horrific made think could hell eternity mean human could something drawn horrific telling would store handle cruelty human nature -"I’ve tried everything I can think of or have been forced into and I’m not getting better. I’m failing every class because I can’t get myself to show up, my parents are sick of me and trying to get me sent away, my moms telling everyone I know about how I’m such a pain in the ass, everybody is telling me to get my ass up and get over it but I feel like nobody gets me. - -I am so tired and so done.",1,tried everything think forced getting better failing every class get show parent sick trying get sent away mom telling everyone know pain as everybody telling get as get feel like nobody get tired done -"Well, I have so much going on in my brain. Let me try to organize it. - -(1) Having an existential crisis- I'm 33. I've done nothing with my life. I'm scared to death that a sizable chunk of my life is gone, for nothing. I work at fast food where there is no advancement whatsoever. I just want to go back to school, but I can't. - -(2) Tired of my job- Like I said I work fast food. I worked as a crew leader and the bs I went through on a daily basis was enough to have me walk out. A year and a half of 5 days a week of bull crap, just piled up on top of me. One and a half years of them playing music I can't stand, and me being too nice to say anything because I didn't want to be the one to ruin it for everyone else, so I endured with one ear bud in my ear until my boss told me no ear buds. Back to square one listening to others music for 8 hours a day. - -(3) Tired of life- Ever since 2016, hell, ever since I got out of the army my life has been shit. In the Army I was confident, strong and proud. My CO took everything from me and gave me the boot. Ever since 2009 my life has been a struggle to get settled on two feet. I've abused drugs, been raped, been abused, been through natural disasters that have taken everything from me. I have been kicked to my butt, then kicked again while I was down. - -(4) I hate being Disabled- I'm PTSD, OCD, BiPolar, ADHD. I take so many medications that I don't know what to do with myself. Just to have a somewhat normal life. I'm so tired of getting my emotions dismissed and told that I'm overreacting just because my disability isn't seen.",1,well much going brain let try organize existential crisis done nothing life scared death sizable chunk life gone nothing work fast food advancement whatsoever want go back school tired job like said work fast food worked crew leader b went daily basis enough walk year half day week bull crap piled top one half year playing music stand nice say anything want one ruin everyone else endured one ear bud ear bos told ear bud back square one listening others music hour day tired life ever since 0 hell ever since got army life shit army confident strong proud co took everything gave boot ever since 009 life struggle get settled two foot abused drug raped abused natural disaster taken everything kicked butt kicked hate disabled ptsd ocd bipolar adhd take many medication know somewhat normal life tired getting emotion dismissed told overreacting disability seen -"this lady is responsible for my first experience being choked at 11, broke an ankle getting tossed out of the back door in my underwear at 9 because i called my mom a demon. i knew it at NINE. she's a fucking beast who fed me to her partner who is a BEAST and a fucking pedo. now she's on this faux spiritual journey which includes ""putting loving herself first"" like after 12 years of breaking mirrors with your fists when i was 14 and shoving me down stairs and ripping out my hair and beating me until my ankle broke trying to run free is all in the past and now i'm 26 so i have to move on with no closure and you expect me to just be goofy and smile and that's my new purpose. she birthed me to be a freaking body bag and she discarded me too. it's just so surreal to realize that you were born with the purpose to love and follow the one who had a kid because she needed a friend. now she doesn't need me, and now i feel like i also have no purpose. maybe i never did in the first place. i was the girl that took the abuse silently and now my role is done. but what do i do with myself now? then why am i here if no one needs me anymore?",1,lady responsible first experience choked broke ankle getting tossed back door underwear 9 called mom demon knew nine fucking beast fed partner beast fucking pedo faux spiritual journey includes putting loving first like year breaking mirror fist shoving stair ripping hair beating ankle broke trying run free past move closure expect goofy smile new purpose birthed freaking body bag discarded surreal realize born purpose love follow one kid needed friend need feel like also purpose maybe never first place girl took abuse silently role done one need anymore -"For the last five to seven years, at least, I’ve always figured that once my parents were gone, it would be my time. I can’t bring myself to do that to them. However, the resentment toward myself and my entire existence have manifested into something that is extremely hard to control. I’m not going to get into specifics, but that is just how I feel. - -I guess my main curiosity is if there’s anyone else who’s still around solely because the thought of their death impacting their family would crush them. That’s the only thing going for me this day and age. I hate every moment and every interaction, even though I constantly try to convince myself it’s good for me. Countless times I’ve tried, failed, and never seemed to fit in. - -I’m just done. I hate everything, unfortunately, even though I try to love. I love my family, although, It’s just too much. I’ve been hurt and ignored to the point I’ve convinced myself no one gives a fuck, which is probably true. Nobody does. - -Maybe someone is in the same boat - -I’ve tried to be the most optimistic person I can, but I’ve been failed so many times, I struggle to even grasp for a reason why.",1,last five seven year least always figured parent gone would time bring however resentment toward entire existence manifested something extremely hard control going get specific feel guess main curiosity anyone else still around solely thought death impacting family would crush thing going day age hate every moment every interaction even though constantly try convince good countless time tried failed never seemed fit done hate everything unfortunately even though try love love family although much hurt ignored point convinced one give fuck probably true nobody maybe someone boat tried optimistic person failed many time struggle even grasp reason -she was the only thing making me feel guilt or sadness at the thought but now knowing she won’t care i think i’m ready :),1,thing making feel guilt sadness thought knowing care think ready -"The one reason I've decided to stay alive has left me. She said that the way I acted was too much and she had cut me out of her life completely. She was the only reason I'd keep trying, but now she's all gone. There's no point to anything anymore. I'm so tired of trying. I miss her so much. I'm diagnosed with depression, ptsd and bipolar type ii. I'm on anti-depressants on a dosage considered to be high for adults. It does nothing for me. I can't find the energy to do anything anymore. My mom said she's going to leave because I'm too much for her to deal with now. I doubt she will see this but if she does, I love you so much. - -I know people say it gets better and I'll find someone else. She's the only person whos loved me unconditionally and showed me that the world isn't as bad as it seems. Now she's gone. - -I'll be leaving at 1:00. thanks to whoever stayed with me on my journey.",1,one reason decided stay alive left said way acted much cut life completely reason keep trying gone point anything anymore tired trying miss much diagnosed depression ptsd bipolar type ii anti depressant dosage considered high adult nothing find energy anything anymore mom said going leave much deal doubt see love much know people say get better find someone else person who loved unconditionally showed world bad seems gone leaving 00 thanks whoever stayed journey -"I am not sure if this is the right place for it but last Friday one of my classmates told me ""jokingly"" to jump out of a window. I've had it up to here so I said I'd blow my head off. My other teachers know I don't mean it most of the time but we had a new teacher during that lesson and I guess he took it seriously. Will come back to that later. - -On the weekend I tried to hurt myself and went to the hospital on Monday. They prescribed me some Lexapro and I went home, relieved that I finally got some help. - -Half an hour after I returned home 6 cops stormed my apartment saying they received a hint from the school that I was gonna hurt myself and they searched my whole apartment for a gun (which I don't have so they obv didn't find one). They then took me to the same hospital I was at just half an hour ago and I spoke to the psychiatrist there again, who told the police I am not a threat to myself or someone else. So they let me go again. - -During that they took my phone and it ran out of battery and I didn't have access to it for like 3 hours or more. During that time two of my classmates messaged me asking why I blocked them and they attacked me, not knowing my phone ran out of battery and that's why I didn't answer. They then blocked me and I explained to them on Instagram what happened and they read it but didn't care apparently. - -The police said they would send a car to the school to talk to the headmaster, but idk what came out of it. I am guessing my new teacher reported it. I am so scared of getting kicked out of school, god damn. - -I have an exam today and now I am unsure if I am allowed to go to school again today. I am currently on my way to find out and I am on the verge of a panic attack because even if I am allowed my classmates will hate me and attack me and it will be super awkward. - -Idk what I tried to do with this post but I just needed to tell someone. I am so anxious and hate myself for not shutting up for once. - -Thanks for reading.",1,sure right place last friday one classmate told jokingly jump window said blow head teacher know mean time new teacher lesson guess took seriously come back later weekend tried hurt went hospital monday prescribed lexapro went home relieved finally got help half hour returned home cop stormed apartment saying received hint school gon na hurt searched whole apartment gun obv find one took hospital half hour ago spoke psychiatrist told police threat someone else let go took phone ran battery access like hour time two classmate messaged asking blocked attacked knowing phone ran battery answer blocked explained instagram happened read care apparently police said would send car school talk headmaster idk came guessing new teacher reported scared getting kicked school god damn exam today unsure allowed go school today currently way find verge panic attack even allowed classmate hate attack super awkward idk tried post needed tell someone anxious hate shutting thanks reading -"in the past year: - - --i got raped by a friend i trusted deeply - --i lost my job to covid - --my grandmother who i loved more than anyone passed - --my best friend completely ghosted me - --found out i have a chronic disease - --i can never have my own biological children - - -i thought as these things were happening that i would eventually be able to move past them. that maybe they weren’t such big deals and i really was being too sensitive like my parents love to tell me. i’m an adult and i most definitely can’t afford to move out, i can barely afford to pay the $500 a month rent my parents charge me. i live in the same room i’ve lived in since i was born… i just pay for it now with money i was saving for a car. so i don’t have a car. i don’t have my license cause my parents won’t let me drive their cars so i’ve never practiced. i don’t have a single friend. (i had two but if you read the beginning… yea) i’ve been homeschooled since the start of high school. so i don’t have anyone to fall back on except for family. my grandmother was the only one who really sympathized with me and i spent the past two years taking care of her pretty much full time. she was 92 and mentally and physically declining. it killed me to watch the woman who raised me wither away. i felt like i lost my only purpose when she passed away. and i constantly blame myself for not being there when she died. she had a heart attack and the coroner told me i couldn’t have helped even if i was right beside her but i’m eaten alive with guilt. i’m still grieving but i need money to live. i interviewed and got a job at a place i wanted to work. i was dreading it though because i knew my only way to get there is my parents. my dad begrudgingly takes me. (even though i don’t know how he expects me to pay his rent if i can’t have a job). he constantly complains about having to take me there and back which is at the most 25 minutes of driving. yet he won’t aid me in getting a license and is draining my savings from my old job by charging me rent. and now my current job is slashing my hours. i went from 35-40 hours a week to 13. what the fuck. and they now expect me to do double the work on a single shift for $9 an hour. i thought things were looking up when i first got that job but now it’s just shit. i’m not making any money or progress in life. i’m dependent on my family and im sick and tired of it. i don’t feel like an adult at all. and frankly i don’t want to be. why would i want to live the next sixty years to pay taxes, work and be miserable. there’s nothing worth pursuing at the cost of prolonging a life of suffering. i’m traumatized from being raped (i’ve never told anyone irl) and i think i’m asexual because of it now. thinking about anything intimate makes me physically sick. i never want to be in a relationship. what’s the point if i can’t have kids anyways, nobody would want me. all i really want is a friend or two, people to talk with and share hobbies. but i can’t drive myself anywhere so i’m kinda unable to even attempt to make connections with people. and i’ve noticed pretty much everyone my age is only interested in hook ups or relationships. my old best friend of 16 years completely ghosted me after she got a boyfriend. - - -i wanted to know what it was like to have a boyfriend and my first kiss but it was forcefully stolen from me. i wanted to master an instrument and another language. i wanted to keep seeing cool new games and anime come out. i wanted to try food from around the world. i wanted to see the northern lights dance. i wanted to see sakura season. i wanted to see crystal clear ocean water. i wanted to spread my wings and be able to just live normally. but it just wasn’t meant to be for me. - -well i accidentally turned this into a long rant but basically i’m giving up. i see no point in living. - --tomorrow will be my last day, i made plans with my older sister to go to a movie and dinner so it’ll be a good day at least - --i was gonna shoot myself but i figured an overdose will be less painful for my parents to come across - --i’m not sure exactly what i believe in but maybe life will be better next time. my heart hurts for anyone feeling the same way i do, it’s hard. thank you for reading",1,past year got raped friend trusted deeply lost job covid grandmother loved anyone passed best friend completely ghosted found chronic disease never biological child thought thing happening would eventually able move past maybe big deal really sensitive like parent love tell adult definitely afford move barely afford pay 00 month rent parent charge live room lived since born pay money saving car car license cause parent let drive car never practiced single friend two read beginning yea homeschooled since start high school anyone fall back except family grandmother one really sympathized spent past two year taking care pretty much full time 9 mentally physically declining killed watch woman raised wither away felt like lost purpose passed away constantly blame died heart attack coroner told helped even right beside eaten alive guilt still grieving need money live interviewed got job place wanted work dreading though knew way get parent dad begrudgingly take even though know expects pay rent job constantly complains take back minute driving yet aid getting license draining saving old job charging rent current job slashing hour went 0 hour week fuck expect double work single shift 9 hour thought thing looking first got job shit making money progress life dependent family im sick tired feel like adult frankly want would want live next sixty year pay tax work miserable nothing worth pursuing cost prolonging life suffering traumatized raped never told anyone irl think asexual thinking anything intimate make physically sick never want relationship point kid anyways nobody would want really want friend two people talk share hobby drive anywhere kinda unable even attempt make connection people noticed pretty much everyone age interested hook ups relationship old best friend year completely ghosted got boyfriend wanted know like boyfriend first kiss forcefully stolen wanted master instrument another language wanted keep seeing cool new game anime come wanted try food around world wanted see northern light dance wanted see sakura season wanted see crystal clear ocean water wanted spread wing able live normally meant well accidentally turned long rant basically giving see point living tomorrow last day made plan older sister go movie dinner good day least gon na shoot figured overdose le painful parent come across sure exactly believe maybe life better next time heart hurt anyone feeling way hard thank reading -"Life feels shitty. - -I’m not smart, I don’t find myself attractive, I’m so skinny, have no friends, toxic family, not in a relationship. I feel lame. I’m legit going insane. Have suicidal thoughts, but luckily I feel a bit better cuz I had a convo with my therapist today. I feel like nothing is changing my mind.",1,life feel shitty smart find attractive skinny friend toxic family relationship feel lame legit going insane suicidal thought luckily feel bit better cuz convo therapist today feel like nothing changing mind -"i’ve been depressed since i was 8 years old, recently got diagnosed with bipolar personality disorder when i already got diagnosed with anorexia, binge eating, ibs issues, anxiety and depression. - -every day i say i want to kill myself and die. - -i want to die. - -today i looked up parents who’s children committed suicide. i wanted to see their perspectives. - -if i were able to do it i have a plan already, but ik i won’t be able to do it. just having the option is fine. why is it so hard to want to be alive and live. i don’t want to tell my therapist or my psychiatrist because i will get sent to the hospital. i love gaming and i won’t have to sense of relief if i say the truth. i might do it after highschool or maybe after i finish university. i can’t do it my senior year because that’s a waste of school years. i’m in my junior year. - -have you guys ever looked up stories of people who was close to someone who committed suicide?",1,depressed since year old recently got diagnosed bipolar personality disorder already got diagnosed anorexia binge eating ibs issue anxiety depression every day say want kill die want die today looked parent child committed suicide wanted see perspective able plan already ik able option fine hard want alive live want tell therapist psychiatrist get sent hospital love gaming sense relief say truth might highschool maybe finish university senior year waste school year junior year guy ever looked story people close someone committed suicide -I wanted to type so much but it doesn't matter. All I want to know is how to end it quickly. Did anyone have anything they can tell me. I don't want to be found I just want to do it and ppl think I got murdered or disappeared. I just want to know what pills where to get a gun or what veins to cut. Please I want to do it asap before I do something stupid like change my mind.,1,wanted type much matter want know end quickly anyone anything tell want found want ppl think got murdered disappeared want know pill get gun vein cut please want asap something stupid like change mind -"i’m not here for support or anything i’m simply here to find an easy painless way to do it. i’m sick of this place, it’s not getting better. it won’t get better. only worse. it’s been this way for years man like literally years, when i was a kid the only thing that made i enjoyed was video games and now i hate video games simply because i don’t find any enjoyment in them. smoking weed used to make me feel more numb or at least not like this. but i’m sick of it, i’m angry. i’m angry at my existence. and i’m angry everybody gets so upset when i say i don’t wanna endure anymore. it’s pathetic, it’s as if the pack animals want to include me in their pack just because i want to exit. so somebody, please, tell me an easy way to leave this place.",1,support anything simply find easy painless way sick place getting better get better worse way year man like literally year kid thing made enjoyed video game hate video game simply find enjoyment smoking weed used make feel numb least like sick angry angry existence angry everybody get upset say wan na endure anymore pathetic pack animal want include pack want exit somebody please tell easy way leave place -"No one cares... Literally no one cares,even the mental health services. They discharged me because I wasn't ""engaging"" with them enough and my case is too difficult for them (I was on a waiting list and wasn't even receiving any therapy). I tried to appeal their decision but they're not listening and at this point I already accepted the fact that I must unalive myself... - - I don't have any friends, family, I don't have a job because nobody wants me due to my MH problems. What's the point of trying? I've been trying to change myself but it seems like my depression is winning and nothing will ever change. - -I know I have to do this. I'm 19 and I know I'm young, but I don't have a choice. I already decided I will OD next week on my 20th birthday. My problems started when I was born and will finally end next week. I'm scared but I hope I'll never wake up...",1,one care literally one care even mental health service discharged engaging enough case difficult waiting list even receiving therapy tried appeal decision listening point already accepted fact must unalive friend family job nobody want due mh problem point trying trying change seems like depression winning nothing ever change know 9 know young choice already decided od next week 0th birthday problem started born finally end next week scared hope never wake -"I say that I'm feeling depressed, and instead of saying anything about it, they just start talking about their own day. They used to ask me what's going on, but not anymore. I think it's time to start writing that note.",1,say feeling depressed instead saying anything start talking day used ask going anymore think time start writing note -"I just can't stop think about. I see myself doing it in my mind all the time. It's so hard. - -I just want to do it rn. I have a break soon I think I am gonna do it but I feel so bad for my friends but I just can't do it anymore.",1,stop think see mind time hard want rn break soon think gon na feel bad friend anymore -I'm done with life. I can't cope. 14 years was enough anyway.Will 700mg of amitriptyline 500mg of lyrica and 500mg of tramadol kill me? If you're reading this I hope you're doing well.,1,done life cope year enough anyway 00mg amitriptyline 00mg lyrica 00mg tramadol kill reading hope well -"I dont want to hang myself, I don't want my parents to find my body. I'd rather overdose of TSA antidepressants and other sleeping meds. I just want to take a whole bunch, get in my car, and then idk drive south until I get to the border or something. Go east to Louisiana, I don't know. Would my psychiatrist lose their job?",1,dont want hang want parent find body rather overdose tsa antidepressant sleeping med want take whole bunch get car idk drive south get border something go east louisiana know would psychiatrist lose job -"Is it normal of me or like I just see cutting myself as like not a problem, I mean it’s my body and like I’m not hurting anyone. It is also making me feel so much better when I’m breaking down when I cut myself I feel so much better, it really like feel like it’s the only solution to when I’m feeling like shit and I just don’t see a problem with doing it now it’s just normalized to me",1,normal like see cutting like problem mean body like hurting anyone also making feel much better breaking cut feel much better really like feel like solution feeling like shit see problem normalized -"Dear who ever finds this. I'm sorry. So sorry. I did try. I know it was never enough for anything but all i wanted was to be okay. I don't know how to be tho. I'm not enough and I will never be. All I do is make trouble and upset people. I'm sorry I must of been a big burden on everyone. I'm deeply sorry for everything I've done and now everything you have to do now I'm gone. I just don't know how to fix everything. I'm deep in this hole. How am I meant to climb out when I've never been taught too. I'm haunted by everything. How am I meant to live my life when I'm trapped in the past. I just want to be normal and OK. Why doesn't anyone understand. I suppose I haven't helped myself but it just sucks. Sucks I was never worth enough to myself to help myself. I honestly dont see myself going anywhere or doing anything worth while. I'm sorry I know this is so Pathetic of me I just dont know what to do. I want to live. I want to see my sister grow up and my mum and dog. I want to fall in love and draw and live on the beach with a    Balcony. I just cant bear this anymore. What am I meant to do? I'm so fucked. I'm scared and so unsure of everything. I'm so overwhelmed over everything. I've done this to myself. I'm so dumb. No one can help me now.  I'm sorry. I tried in the end OK? That counts for something right? I'm just not a good person. I realise that I never will be. I love everything so much I wish they loved me aswell. I tried everything to be happy but honestly they nothing left for me. I could write more but what's the point. I bet I won't even do it. Cos I'm a pussy. I bet I'll just delete everything I don't want anyone seeing than clean and realise I'm dumb and not kill myself.  I'm a pathetic excuse for a daughter. I'm sorry. All I do is sleep and dream all day. This is no life for anymore.  I know compared to others I have a good life But that just makes me feel even more pathetic for hating mine. -I love you lots goodnight.",1,dear ever find sorry sorry try know never enough anything wanted okay know tho enough never make trouble upset people sorry must big burden everyone deeply sorry everything done everything gone know fix everything deep hole meant climb never taught haunted everything meant live life trapped past want normal ok anyone understand suppose helped suck suck never worth enough help honestly dont see going anywhere anything worth sorry know pathetic dont know want live want see sister grow mum dog want fall love draw live beach balcony cant bear anymore meant fucked scared unsure everything overwhelmed everything done dumb one help sorry tried end ok count something right good person realise never love everything much wish loved aswell tried everything happy honestly nothing left could write point bet even co pussy bet delete everything want anyone seeing clean realise dumb kill pathetic excuse daughter sorry sleep dream day life anymore know compared others good life make feel even pathetic hating mine love lot goodnight -No actually why am I in constant fear and why do we all have to tip toe around everyone all the time,1,actually constant fear tip toe around everyone time -Yet you just want me alive for your conscious. I pray everyday that something puts me out and kills me. This pain hurts a lot.,1,yet want alive conscious pray everyday something put kill pain hurt lot -"(16F) It’s currently 12 am and I’m crying like every other night- I seriously don’t wanna go tomorrow. I say this every day. I hate it there I hate it so fucking much. Got so many absents this year I’m pretty sure I’ve missed a whole month at this point. I at least get to see my friends for 20 minutes during break but that’s pretty much all that’s good about school right now, so I’m thankful for them. - -I can’t stand one more second of sitting in class, trying to pay attention like as if nothing is wrong with me. I also absolutely hate the subjects I take. They don’t teach what I want (art) so I’m stuck with boring ass lessons I don’t give a shit about. We have 4 or more tests every fucking week and I’m so sick of it, how the fuck am I supposed to study when I can’t even get out of bed and do basic tasks. This school doesn’t give a shit about mental health. Well- in their advertisements they do so.. but that’s all for show. - -I feel really guilty for even feeling this way because there’s literally nothing wrong with my life. I have a good family, good friends, in a safe country and am in a financially stable household. Don’t get me wrong, I am completely grateful for all these things. Yet I’m so depressed and nihilistic. Thinking about my future, university, work, etc makes me sick. I can’t comprehend living past 18. I would’ve killed myself long ago if it wasn’t for the damage it would’ve done to my family. - -I’m taking international a levels so the workload is pretty brutal, high school is a very small part of my life so I just need to be patient and get it over with, I just have one more year left. But it sounds way easier said than done. Seriously feel like like I’m over complicating my situation(which is 100% the case because I always do this), I’m still so young none of this is gonna matter in the future. Wish I could just take the depression as well as the anxiety that makes me overthink out of my brain like as if it was a physical thing. Then all these negative thoughts and the anxiety I feel every second of every day would be gone. - -Sorry for the long ass rant. Literally nobody is going to read this.",1,f currently cry like every night seriously wan na go tomorrow say every day hate hate fucking much got many absents year pretty sure missed whole month point least get see friend 0 minute break pretty much good school right thankful stand one second sitting class trying pay attention like nothing wrong also absolutely hate subject take teach want art stuck boring as lesson give shit test every fucking week sick fuck supposed study even get bed basic task school give shit mental health well advertisement show feel really guilty even feeling way literally nothing wrong life good family good friend safe country financially stable household get wrong completely grateful thing yet depressed nihilistic thinking future university work etc make sick comprehend living past would killed long ago damage would done family taking international level workload pretty brutal high school small part life need patient get one year left sound way easier said done seriously feel like like complicating situation 00 case always still young none gon na matter future wish could take depression well anxiety make overthink brain like physical thing negative thought anxiety feel every second every day would gone sorry long as rant literally nobody going read -"I’m done with this world, and there’s no changing my mind on that. But i do know that i don’t want my death to mean nothing. I’m a healthy teenage athlete with a good body, so if anyone here knows how i could go out but keep my organs preserved for people in need of them i need answers. there’s people that want to live, and me who is done with living. so i want to help them live their life. if i laid in a tub of ice would it help?",1,done world changing mind know want death mean nothing healthy teenage athlete good body anyone know could go keep organ preserved people need need answer people want live done living want help live life laid tub ice would help -"Within the last week I’ve broken 2 controllers, one of which I actually stomped on until pieces littered the carpet. Through out my life I’ve never broken anything out of anger. - -But now I can’t fucking control it. I feel less of a man every day when ever I see someone better than me at anything. I’m constantly angry at work and at home now. Angry about home stuff when I’m at work, and angry at work stuff when I’m at home. - -I just want to eat a fucking bullet. I’m a fucking pathetic excuse of a man through and through. There’s not an ounce of me that is worth anything. I am below dirt. I should be buried alive. - -I have never had value in any capacity to anyone.",1,within last week broken controller one actually stomped piece littered carpet life never broken anything anger fucking control feel le man every day ever see someone better anything constantly angry work home angry home stuff work angry work stuff home want eat fucking bullet fucking pathetic excuse man ounce worth anything dirt buried alive never value capacity anyone -"I did bad on an important test I thought I would do well in. I thought was my best subject. I thought I studied well. There's more important tests on those subjects soon. If I think I'm doing badly on those subjects already then the tests probably will go worse. I feel bad for disappointing everyone. I feel bad that I'm complaining so much. But I want to die so bad. It doesn't feel like there's anything else for me if I do bad in school. - -A family friend is doing an art related course. They seem to be having fun. I like doing art, but I'm nowhere as good as her, or good enough to do a similar course. A school friend is doing well in school. We share many of the same subjects. We share the same high expectations. But I can't reach them. She complains about marks way higher than mine. I'm resentful, but really I'm just envious. - -I don't even know what I want to do in the future. Why should I put in effort for a life I don't want? Do I want it? I think I want it. I don't think I have any actual appreciation for the academia, just that I want to fulfill the things I've always been told to. It's dumb and I should just accept my actual abilities. It's all my fault in the end, that I should've done this or that. But I don't want to try anymore. I'm so tired of trying and failing and then giving up, and then doing it all again for whatever reason. The enjoyable moments in life don't feel worth it at all, or maybe I'm just too stuck up to appreciate them enough. Either way, I want to give up. - -I'm sorry I'm so childish. So self-centred. I'm sorry I'm wasting everyone's time and money and effort. I wonder how much longer I will continue to do so. I'm sorry that my problems aren't really big enough to be upset over. It all feels too pointless.",1,bad important test thought would well thought best subject thought studied well important test subject soon think badly subject already test probably go worse feel bad disappointing everyone feel bad complaining much want die bad feel like anything else bad school family friend art related course seem fun like art nowhere good good enough similar course school friend well school share many subject share high expectation reach complains mark way higher mine resentful really envious even know want future put effort life want want think want think actual appreciation academia want fulfill thing always told dumb accept actual ability fault end done want try anymore tired trying failing giving whatever reason enjoyable moment life feel worth maybe stuck appreciate enough either way want give sorry childish self centred sorry wasting everyone time money effort wonder much longer continue sorry problem really big enough upset feel pointless -"I've been trying to survive for so many years that I hope the universe will someday grant me the opportunity to finally live my life. - -Of all people, the ""broken are the more evolved""; hence, I hope that we, the suicidal ones, will also be given a better shot at life-- the right opportunity and a kind community. - -Because I know in the deepest depth of our hearts, we really truly want to live. Although not our current version of life, but the better and kinder version of life.",1,trying survive many year hope universe someday grant opportunity finally live life people broken evolved hence hope suicidal one also given better shot life right opportunity kind community know deepest depth heart really truly want live although current version life better kinder version life -"Ever since I was little, I wondered what purpose I served in this world. I wanted to die because I really did not understand my use. Today I grew up. I thought I had found this answer or that I would find it one day. But I do studies that don't interest me. My family and my friends are far away. I just realized that my spouse was using me from the start. And the world is bad. I'm useless and I don't think I'll ever be used for anything. The urge to die is coming to the surface faster than I thought.",1,ever since little wondered purpose served world wanted die really understand use today grew thought found answer would find one day study interest family friend far away realized spouse using start world bad useless think ever used anything urge die coming surface faster thought -"Everyone has a particular reason for existence. Everyone has a motivation, an incentive to move forward in their life. Life is undoubtedly an amazing gift bestowed by the creator and death is perhaps the biggest nightmare. But to some, it's the opposite. Sometimes everything seems meaningless. Someone like me who is afraid to take even the smallest step that involves pain actually doesn't deserve to live let alone succeed. Besides, what are the odds that I will succeed? The feasibility of succeeding seems to be lessening as every single moment is fading away. They won't return back. I am not writing these words emotionally. I am completely within my sense. Things lately have been very tough and I know how does a precarious life can eventually lead to depression and suicidal thoughts.",1,everyone particular reason existence everyone motivation incentive move forward life life undoubtedly amazing gift bestowed creator death perhaps biggest nightmare opposite sometimes everything seems meaningless someone like afraid take even smallest step involves pain actually deserve live let alone succeed besides odds succeed feasibility succeeding seems lessening every single moment fading away return back writing word emotionally completely within sense thing lately tough know precarious life eventually lead depression suicidal thought -I feel like giving up again. I thought I had overcome this but I guess not. Back to square one wanting to die but not wanting to kill myself. Anyone else feel the same?,1,feel like giving thought overcome guess back square one wanting die wanting kill anyone else feel -I don’t feel like myself anymore and I don’t think I can be fixed. Not a day goes by where I wish I didn’t wake up again. I don’t know what’s wrong and I’ve been trying so hard to be better. I just can’t do it anymore. I’m so sorry,1,feel like anymore think fixed day go wish wake know wrong trying hard better anymore sorry -i want to commit suicide as soon as possible but i cant fins a method thats good for me. either the methods seem too painful or i dont have enough tools for them. i was considering overdosing on paracetamol but it takes too long. i dont know what to do. i would like some methods or advice,1,want commit suicide soon possible cant fin method thats good either method seem painful dont enough tool considering overdosing paracetamol take long dont know would like method advice -i lost everything. i have no friends anymore. what even is the point anymore? theres nothing i wanna live for anymore. i just wish my life felt worth living. my chest hurts so bad. i wish i was enough for myself.,1,lost everything friend anymore even point anymore there nothing wan na live anymore wish life felt worth living chest hurt bad wish enough -i'm wondering.,1,wondering -"I’ve been waking up and going through the same day repeatedly for a long time. I wanted to get better but I wanted this particular person to be by my side while I did it. I’ve made a plan and set a date. I know in my heart it’s the right choice. I just hope he doesn’t blame himself when it happens. It wasn’t him that makes me want to follow through. I’m just done hurting everyone that comes in to my, I’m done being ashamed of the person I’ve become, and I’m done looking like I don’t care. I felt every emotion so keenly that it forced me to realize that those very same emotions made me react in a way that I wasn’t proud of. My reality is shifting and these shadows are the only thing that is my company. Nothing is ever going to change for me, even if I go to therapy, even if I get meds, sooner or later it always returns. I’m done being a prisoner of my own mind. Idek why I’m posting this, maybe hoping the right person will see me and talk me out of it. It’s not that I lack love; it’s actually the opposite. I have so many mental health issues that I’m such a burden on my family. Now my addiction has returned… I’m just so done with living like this. It’s a little ironic, my selfishness is the cause of all this. Selfish to the end. I’m sorry S… I hope you don’t blame yourself, and if by chance you see this I want you to know I think this is always how it would have ended.",1,waking going day repeatedly long time wanted get better wanted particular person side made plan set date know heart right choice hope blame happens make want follow done hurting everyone come done ashamed person become done looking like care felt every emotion keenly forced realize emotion made react way proud reality shifting shadow thing company nothing ever going change even go therapy even get med sooner later always return done prisoner mind idek posting maybe hoping right person see talk lack love actually opposite many mental health issue burden family addiction returned done living like little ironic selfishness cause selfish end sorry hope blame chance see want know think always would ended -I feel guilty of everything I feel guilty for telling people my problems and burdening them when they’re dealing with worse I feel guilty because when people dump their problems on me I can’t handle it anymore it’s so selfish of me I hate myself for it so much but when people dump their problems on me I just want to kill myself because I’m exhausted I’m exhausted of helping people I’ve been doing it since I was 10 and I feel so guilty for being exhausted I cut myself over and over for being so selfish,1,feel guilty everything feel guilty telling people problem burdening dealing worse feel guilty people dump problem handle anymore selfish hate much people dump problem want kill exhausted exhausted helping people since 0 feel guilty exhausted cut selfish -"My mind is in such a negative space, I’m overstimulated but every noise and word, someone in my family passed away, my period amplifies every emotion, I just can’t do it anymore. My negativity is like a cancer and I’d rather not infect anyone with it. I want to die daily but I can’t, although I fantasize about it a lot. I cut myself instead in order to stay alive, to numb myself from the insanity and madness inside of me. I feel unheard, I feel burdened by my own existence and I’ve been made to feel so bothersome to others. I don’t know. I don’t have much hope. I’m not angry. I’m maybe sad. Mostly, I’m so depressed and misunderstood by everyone because at the end of the day, no one cares to listen to me. They think they’re listening but people only have a limited amount of time that they’ll let you talk. Anyway, nobody needs to be my therapist. I hope my life ends soon because I am unable to deal with the turmoil inside of me. I just can’t do it anymore. I’m desperate. I’m sorry.",1,mind negative space overstimulated every noise word someone family passed away period amplifies every emotion anymore negativity like cancer rather infect anyone want die daily although fantasize lot cut instead order stay alive numb insanity madness inside feel unheard feel burdened existence made feel bothersome others know much hope angry maybe sad mostly depressed misunderstood everyone end day one care listen think listening people limited amount time let talk anyway nobody need therapist hope life end soon unable deal turmoil inside anymore desperate sorry -"I’m 32, pregnant with my four child, third baby daddy. He left me about two weeks ago after assuring me he would be there for me and this child regardless as he knew I didn’t want to raise another child alone. I can’t go thru with a abortion. My two other kids are 3 about to be 4 and 5 years of age. There are no day care places I would be able to take my baby after it’s born. I don’t have a mother or any sisters family to help. I will literally have no choice but not to work and eventually evicted from the house I rent. I have worked so hard to make a nice life for me and my two kids now after being kicked off my family’s property I lived in for 29 years. I am Native American so it’s trust land I was always told I would be able to live on. I have kept the house I rent now for 4 years abs raised my two children I have now for their entire lives myself. I did everything I could to give them a better life then I ever had and tried to be a mom I never had and parent all around I never had. I had a shit childhood like most of us do. I was a product of a sale. My mother was a whore and my donor was a customer my two brothers and I were never wanted or meant to be. When my mom “disappeared” during a custody battle my grandmother made my dad take me in. She wanted to take care of me because she thought it was right my donor could care less rather I lived or died I wasn’t wanted and he will tell you that his self. My grandma passed away due to Alzheimer’s when I was about 11 so my donor had to play dad. During this time he used me as his personal punching bag and he allowed my brother who had molested me since the age of four to do the same. I ran away at the age of 15 and made a series of bad decisions. Everyone says I’m so strong for what I have been thru and over come but I feel if I wasn’t so weak and stupid I would not of even gone thru those things. I have been held down and raped by cousin, a stranger at gun point the guy I ran away to at 15.. lied to abused to the point if I have hearing loss and loose front teeth due to the beatings from men. Shot with a .45 and hit twice by the bullets. It’s like I wasn’t ever supposed to be and life kept trying to make up for its mistake by trying to unalive me multiple times but here the hell i am. I love my kids so much and don’t want to leave them. However I will have no way to support them once this new baby comes and i just don’t know what to do. The people I rent from say they will help me as much as they can but they are elderly and I don’t know if they can do this for another 2 years till my baby can go to day care. I know I should of got birth control and I use to have it but my lupus makes it so I get clots with most birth controls and others are dangerous. I know I should of used a condom but love is my drug and so I’m stupid when it comes to men. I know this is all my fault and killing myself will leave my kids with a man who doesn’t really love them like a father does just like what happened to me. I know this and it kills me but I just don’t know what else to do any more. I’m such a fucking joke ass failure and I didn’t want my life to be like this. I have just been trying to pick up the pieces and make the best my while life. Now I’m here and I don’t know what to do but end my life. I have worked most of my life since the age of 16 so I know my kids father with get money from the state if I pass away so maybe they will help him be a better father and maybe his wife will feel sorry for them and love them too. I am too coward to take a gun and do it myself because I’m afraid I’ll fuck it up. I just want someone to do it for me or tell me how to commit suicide by cop or the least painful way to do this. I have no one! Nothing! No friends or family just mt kiddos the people I rent from and the day care ladies. I was saving to buy a place with this last guy now I’ll have to use that to pay for our life once the baby is here till it all runs out then I’ll have to sell things till it’s just here minimum so we can live in my truck. My kids deserve better. My son is such a sweet boy and my daughter is so strong and beautiful. They deserve so much better then I’ll be able to give them soon.. I use to pay 3k for birthday parties now I’ll be lucky to even get them a hostess cup cake when their birthdays some around. Please don’t tell me I have so much to live for I know my kids need me and I know this just passed the pain to them but I have no options. I’m 12 weeks pregnant as of right now and I can’t bare to have a abortion and yes I thought of adoption but everyone I looked up seems so fucking weird and too put together like they are severely Epstein people. Please just tell me how to make this all stop. That’s all I ask.",1,pregnant four child third baby daddy left two week ago assuring would child regardless knew want raise another child alone go thru abortion two kid year age day care place would able take baby born mother sister family help literally choice work eventually evicted house rent worked hard make nice life two kid kicked family property lived 9 year native american trust land always told would able live kept house rent year ab raised two child entire life everything could give better life ever tried mom never parent around never shit childhood like u product sale mother whore donor customer two brother never wanted meant mom disappeared custody battle grandmother made dad take wanted take care thought right donor could care le rather lived died wanted tell self grandma passed away due alzheimer donor play dad time used personal punching bag allowed brother molested since age four ran away age made series bad decision everyone say strong thru come feel weak stupid would even gone thru thing held raped cousin stranger gun point guy ran away lied abused point hearing loss loose front teeth due beating men shot hit twice bullet like ever supposed life kept trying make mistake trying unalive multiple time hell love kid much want leave however way support new baby come know people rent say help much elderly know another year till baby go day care know got birth control use lupus make get clot birth control others dangerous know used condom love drug stupid come men know fault killing leave kid man really love like father like happened know kill know else fucking joke as failure want life like trying pick piece make best life know end life worked life since age know kid father get money state pas away maybe help better father maybe wife feel sorry love coward take gun afraid fuck want someone tell commit suicide cop least painful way one nothing friend family mt kiddos people rent day care lady saving buy place last guy use pay life baby till run sell thing till minimum live truck kid deserve better son sweet boy daughter strong beautiful deserve much better able give soon use pay k birthday party lucky even get hostess cup cake birthday around please tell much live know kid need know passed pain option week pregnant right bare abortion yes thought adoption everyone looked seems fucking weird put together like severely epstein people please tell make stop ask -"A month of stress and anxiety got the better of me last week. I quit my job and came close to just packing it in entirely. Even now a week later, anything even remotely stressful pushes me back into panic mode. I'm barely sleeping, and as I lay awake, my mind turns back to wondering why I'm even alive.",1,month stress anxiety got better last week quit job came close packing entirely even week later anything even remotely stressful push back panic mode barely sleeping lay awake mind turn back wondering even alive -"Hi I'm a 20 years old boy from Italy and recently I've discovered that I Suffer from Depression. I have a bad job which doesn't pay me a lot, my girlfriend broke up with me for no whatever reason, and every single day I Cry and wish for my death. I'm trying to stay lucid, but I have prepared a Bag full of Pills (around 20 of them) in case things still go wrong. I'm trying to go forward with everything but I'm tired of being a good person and treated like shit. Yesterday I wrote to another girl, you know, just for company, haven't got a message since then. Still waiting, if things go wrong, I'm gonna pull the trigger on my life and go finally away.",1,hi 0 year old boy italy recently discovered suffer depression bad job pay lot girlfriend broke whatever reason every single day cry wish death trying stay lucid prepared bag full pill around 0 case thing still go wrong trying go forward everything tired good person treated like shit yesterday wrote another girl know company got message since still waiting thing go wrong gon na pull trigger life go finally away -"So I made a similar post in confessions but I guess it belongs here. Maybe, maybe not. I don't think anyone really cares anyway. - -Well when I was 8(m) I've been tortured by two girls aged around 18. They'd wait up for me after school, take me to a secluded area and sodomize me. When they were finished they would repeatedly kick my private parts and punch my stomach. When I would cry they said they would not stop until I stopped my crying. Since then I've never cried anymore in my life and I wish I could. My feelings have faded away and I thought that was part of becoming an adult. - -I would lay for hours in pain and then come home telling my parents I was at a friend's. This has been going on for about a year. No matter if I took a different route home or tried to run, they would do this almost daily. I wouldn't tell my parents because they were threatening to kill my dog and family if I did. My parents started to distrust me and thought I was doing bad things after school since I wouldn't share my friend's names - -After this I mainly focused on school and avoided most people, I've built up major trust issues and only had a few bad relationships where my trust issues would always ruin things and while I hate to admit it I hate most woman or my inability to deal with them. I had to man up since in my thoughts this wouldn't happen to a man by some girls. My way of being a manly man was to be strong and not have emotions. - -I have thought a lot about this part of my childhood and always blamed myself for not thinking. Recently I feel hate towards the person that did this to me. (One of them died because of drug overdose, which to this day makes me smile) - -I have made a plan for an accident to happen to this person. I have planned out all the details for this to happen. And I wholeheartedly believe she deserves to die. - -Right now I am 28 years of age, recently been diagnosed with bipolar syndrome and some other anti social disorders. I have been depressed for the most part of my life and instead of taking someone's life I'll just end my own. - -Thanks for letting me share this, I have been embarrassed about it all my life and I've never felt either manly or adult. I could never bring myself to tell anyone.",1,made similar post confession guess belongs maybe maybe think anyone really care anyway well tortured two girl aged around wait school take secluded area sodomize finished would repeatedly kick private part punch stomach would cry said would stop stopped cry since never cried anymore life wish could feeling faded away thought part becoming adult would lay hour pain come home telling parent friend going year matter took different route home tried run would almost daily tell parent threatening kill dog family parent started distrust thought bad thing school since share friend name mainly focused school avoided people built major trust issue bad relationship trust issue would always ruin thing hate admit hate woman inability deal man since thought happen man girl way manly man strong emotion thought lot part childhood always blamed thinking recently feel hate towards person one died drug overdose day make smile made plan accident happen person planned detail happen wholeheartedly believe deserves die right year age recently diagnosed bipolar syndrome anti social disorder depressed part life instead taking someone life end thanks letting share embarrassed life never felt either manly adult could never bring tell anyone -"I plan to commit suicide soon ,I've told my birds already ,I don't think they understand sadly . -I've been fighting depression my whole life pretty much ,I've tried many times to commit suicide but as I'm afraid of pain I didn't go through it ,things worsened massively once I lost someone dear to me because of my own actions ,since then I'm haunted ,be it in dreams or in reality constantly by them and the results of what I did whilst under psychosis and incredibly suicidal state. -I began seeking help soon after they left after I realised what I did and it was really tough at first but I made it for about a year ,I wish I never met that person... It was a curse ,I don't really have friends ,family yes supportive but... It doesn't really feel like much ,I know they'd be devastated by my death and so would my birds but every day is the same for me no matter what I try to differentiate and how better it gets ,it's down to the same stuff ,haunted by those demons that try and make me fall and do what I shouldn't do ,I've been told I'm meant for great things but this is all taking forever... I'm tired of all of this,I'm tired of living and constantly fighting. -I just wish to end it all ,even though it'll mean committing an unforgivable sin. - -Edit: -For the time being I have discarded the thought ,thank you all for the messages and comments.",1,plan commit suicide soon told bird already think understand sadly fighting depression whole life pretty much tried many time commit suicide afraid pain go thing worsened massively lost someone dear action since haunted dream reality constantly result whilst psychosis incredibly suicidal state began seeking help soon left realised really tough first made year wish never met person curse really friend family yes supportive really feel like much know devastated death would bird every day matter try differentiate better get stuff haunted demon try make fall told meant great thing taking forever tired tired living constantly fighting wish end even though mean committing unforgivable sin edit time discarded thought thank message comment -"I feel that I’m a mess, with no salvation or mercy. I want to die to end with this suffering, I feel that I made terrible things just for existing. I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore. Guilty of my decisions who deserve to die. Please I just want to die until it gets worse. Please forgive me. Please forgive my existence. I don’t want to hurt anyone just for being me or taking wrong desicions. My purpose is to be happy but I don’t deserve that desire. Please I want to shot me in the head and end with this. I just want peace of mind. I can’t Halle with headaches, I just want to die quick. I just want to die. I just want to die. I apologize for being me and my actions in life, I can’t life anymore. I just want to die so badly and be free in peace. I don’t want to suffer other people. I just want to die",1,feel mess salvation mercy want die end suffering feel made terrible thing existing want hurt anyone anymore guilty decision deserve die please want die get worse please forgive please forgive existence want hurt anyone taking wrong desicions purpose happy deserve desire please want shot head end want peace mind halle headache want die quick want die want die apologize action life life anymore want die badly free peace want suffer people want die -"I’ve struggled with suicidal tendencies and thoughts since I was 8, I’m now 24 the thoughts and actions have only worsened with age. I can’t stop thinking about how the world would be so much better off without me, my friends my family my work my partner in every aspect I’m contributing nothing and burdening everyone. I want so badly to achieve more & stop being such a burden on everyone but lately it’s been seeming damn near impossible to achieve anything worth a damn because I also have an open case against me & wont pass a background check :(",1,struggled suicidal tendency thought since thought action worsened age stop thinking world would much better without friend family work partner every aspect contributing nothing burdening everyone want badly achieve amp stop burden everyone lately seeming damn near impossible achieve anything worth damn also open case amp wont pas background check -"I've heard this platitude my whole entire life. Nearly four years ago, a teacher looked straight into my eyes and told me the same thing. i remember telling myself back then that i was at rock bottom. now i can only laugh at that sentiment. Rock bottom my ass. It's like i rolled off a cliff and the end is nowhere in sight.",1,heard platitude whole entire life nearly four year ago teacher looked straight eye told thing remember telling back rock bottom laugh sentiment rock bottom as like rolled cliff end nowhere sight -,1,nan -I do NOT want to wake up tomorrow,1,want wake tomorrow -"I spent a lot of today thinking about killing myself. I made jokes about it, my friends laughed because I do it all the time, but today I really did think about it. I miss my ex, I want to be happy again but I haven’t been able to move past them and I’m afraid that I never will. If I can’t be happy, why should I even stay here?",1,spent lot today thinking killing made joke friend laughed time today really think miss ex want happy able move past afraid never happy even stay -"I’m not valued in my work, at school, at home. I have never been valued to my friends while one of my closest friends thanks one of my other friends while I feel worthless. Nobody remembers my birthday, no one cares about my feelings in real life and I’m always the one organizing almost every meet up! If I were dead people would mourn for a day and forget about me because I DONT MATTER! If I did matter, people would hire me more, hang out with me, and make an effort to be my friend! - -IM DONE WITH THIS CRAP! - -I might do it tonight or tomorrow because this is too much for me! I guess I’m just gods laughing stock!",1,valued work school home never valued friend one closest friend thanks one friend feel worthless nobody remembers birthday one care feeling real life always one organizing almost every meet dead people would mourn day forget dont matter matter people would hire hang make effort friend im done crap might tonight tomorrow much guess god laughing stock -"I finally opened up to someone (my mom) and told her how bad my mental health had gotten and that I'd purchased things to go through with it. Her response?, - -""I don't blame you and would understand if you do"" and walked out. - -The fuck.",1,finally opened someone mom told bad mental health gotten purchased thing go response blame would understand walked fuck -I shouldn't have been born. My mother told me she didn't even want to have me & that my dad raped her & that's how she got pregnant with me. If abortion had been acceptable then there would have been a chance I was aborted & never would have had to live such an awful life. I have nothing going for me & I'm so mentally ill. I've had such a hard childhood & my adult life is becoming even more painful. All I do all day is complain because there's nothing good in my life & yes I've tried making it better. My father was never in my life & even my mom wasn't. I never had a chance. It's just too difficult trying & I don't want to be alive anymore.,1,born mother told even want amp dad raped amp got pregnant abortion acceptable would chance aborted amp never would live awful life nothing going amp mentally ill hard childhood amp adult life becoming even painful day complain nothing good life amp yes tried making better father never life amp even mom never chance difficult trying amp want alive anymore -"I got drugged and had to be resuscitated a little over a week ago. I've been ""casually suicidal"" for a while now. The sound of my friend crying while giving me cpr is burned into my head forever. I dont know if I ever lost my pulse but I was barely breathing until the emts got to me. It's scary that this experience didnt change anything about me. When I think about it I laugh. Not in a ""laugh to hide the pain"" kind of way but like I actually had to get chest compressions to keep me alive from my best friend and that's just so ridiculous. Like of course that would happen to me of all people. Idk it's just weird to me that this traumatic as fuck experience didnt change a thing about my outlook on life.",1,got drugged resuscitated little week ago casually suicidal sound friend cry giving cpr burned head forever dont know ever lost pulse barely breathing emts got scary experience didnt change anything think laugh laugh hide pain kind way like actually get chest compression keep alive best friend ridiculous like course would happen people idk weird traumatic fuck experience didnt change thing outlook life -,1,nan -"I just need to get everything in order I guess. - -I have some morphine and a noose in my bag. Idk - -Just wanted to tell someone. - -I wish they got me help when I was young and begged for it. I don’t think I feel guilty or selfish about it, it’s just how it is, spent years knowing this is probably how I’d end up. Idk . - - -edit: someone to talk to would be great, if you’re interested dm me :)",1,need get everything order guess morphine noose bag idk wanted tell someone wish got help young begged think feel guilty selfish spent year knowing probably end idk edit someone talk would great interested dm -,1,nan -Nothing about this life is good school is shit I quit weed witch was a dumbass idea everyone in my school suck most of the teachers suck I can’t make or maintain friendships my family sucks ass nothing is good there is no light at the end of the tunnel I’ve been waiting for the light my whole life and nothing has happened all I’ll ever be in life is at the bottom forced to live in misery the world is falling apart because precious generations are stupid as shit so even if I do have a future the world will be flooded and on fire there nothing to look forward to I live everyday on auto pilot so why even life anymore if people want me to live then I wouldn’t get treated like shit by everyone around me and I wouldn’t get treated like a number by my awful school it doesn’t matter how many resources they give because they don’t care if your not at the top then your just useless to them your just a number,1,nothing life good school shit quit weed witch dumbass idea everyone school suck teacher suck make maintain friendship family suck as nothing good light end tunnel waiting light whole life nothing happened ever life bottom forced live misery world falling apart precious generation stupid shit even future world flooded fire nothing look forward live everyday auto pilot even life anymore people want live get treated like shit everyone around get treated like number awful school matter many resource give care top useless number -I wake up and do the same shit. Everyday at a job that’s a coin flip where I have a decent day or not. I’m just tired from my childhood and how the fucking demons I have just never leave. Im just so tired and done and burnt man. I never hurt or did anything to anyone. The fuck are these cards I was dealt. All my friends are moving on in life now and I’m so fucking stuck. I was at work today and my coworker said “oh your mom raised you so well I bet” when my mom called me worthless just the previous night to my face. I just wanna go. This shit is donkey booty fart.,1,wake shit everyday job coin flip decent day tired childhood fucking demon never leave im tired done burnt man never hurt anything anyone fuck card dealt friend moving life fucking stuck work today coworker said oh mom raised well bet mom called worthless previous night face wan na go shit donkey booty fart -"Another hungry depressed day. Who knew living in a shelter was so fucking expensive lol. I now have $15.02 left to get by. I just bought two gallons of water since the tap water is probably dangerous to drink. Though I'm trying an experiment of boiling it first to get out whatever makes it weird - -The last time I posted here, I got a bunch of trolls pretending to care and then cursing me out lol. Like imagine being suicidal (don't need to I guess lol) and then imagine being EVEN MORE miserable than a suicidal person that you have to extract some kind of emotional feedback from them, just to feel better about yourself lmao. Surprisingly, I still pity them more. I'd rather want to be dead than be an asshole who cant find happiness unless they're causing others pain. Especially trolling reddits where people are actually seeking help lol. The lack of dignity in it. Like damn, my $0.60 ramen and I are poor af but there's still more dignity than those trolls. - -I never thought I'd say that but here we are. - -Why is it that as soon as night time hits, all the thoughts come rushing in. This feels like when I was a kid growing up abused. I had given up hope. I just got by every day. But I was a shell of the person I was or could've been. I just.. floated through the day. Hoping it wouldn't suck worse. I watched a ot of cartoons. To escape. Feel something else other than depression and pain. If you allow all the feelings in, let yourself feel them, what happens? In my mind, it all goes numb. But maybe now, it just flows. Or maybe this is me giving up. Letting it all happen anyways. Who cares? I could die here and no one would know. lol - -I wonder if the universe has forgotten me. Forsaken me. Said, you're on your own now kid. Good luck. And I'm just standing here smiling, tears in my eyes, holding a fucking plant and small suitcase thinking, cool. That's cool. Hope I don't kill myself. Hope this doesn't kill me. Hope I remember the person I was trying to become. Or was at least. She had hope. and self love. Now I look in the mirror and think, hope you don't fuck it up kid because I don't know. I don't know what else to do. I mean why do I expect myself to fuck it up?! - -Because a little crappy voice in my head says, you fuck everything up. lol. fuck that. that's not even my voice. it's theirs. fucking little narcs and sociopaths. Who ever saw their kid turning into a narc and thought, let's keep him and not get intervention lol. I would yeet that kid out of my life and throw it into a psych ward. As if life isn't hard enough, there's the scum of the earth running around, getting off on other's pain. Pathetic. I'm glad they all die alone and miserable. I'm glad they move through life miserably. I'm glad they have to work so fucking hard to be happy or experience something resembling happiness before their own actions ruin it all. - -I'm glad there's still good people in the world. Y'all ever look through humans being bros? It's chill. Restores some faith in humanity. Like at least it's not all shit! lolll - -I don't think anyone sees me. Not anymore. I'm just a number. A victim to exploit. A survivor to play with. A body to mess with. lol they're so fucking depressing these abusers. - -At least I lived.",1,another hungry depressed day knew living shelter fucking expensive lol 0 left get bought two gallon water since tap water probably dangerous drink though trying experiment boiling first get whatever make weird last time posted got bunch troll pretending care cursing lol like imagine suicidal need guess lol imagine even miserable suicidal person extract kind emotional feedback feel better lmao surprisingly still pity rather want dead asshole cant find happiness unless causing others pain especially trolling reddits people actually seeking help lol lack dignity like damn 0 0 ramen poor af still dignity troll never thought say soon night time hit thought come rushing feel like kid growing abused given hope got every day shell person could floated day hoping suck worse watched ot cartoon escape feel something else depression pain allow feeling let feel happens mind go numb maybe flow maybe giving letting happen anyways care could die one would know lol wonder universe forgotten forsaken said kid good luck standing smiling tear eye holding fucking plant small suitcase thinking cool cool hope kill hope kill hope remember person trying become least hope self love look mirror think hope fuck kid know know else mean expect fuck little crappy voice head say fuck everything lol fuck even voice fucking little narc sociopath ever saw kid turning narc thought let keep get intervention lol would yeet kid life throw psych ward life hard enough scum earth running around getting pain pathetic glad die alone miserable glad move life miserably glad work fucking hard happy experience something resembling happiness action ruin glad still good people world ever look human bros chill restores faith humanity like least shit lolll think anyone see anymore number victim exploit survivor play body mess lol fucking depressing abuser least lived -"I’m 17 M, turning 18 in December, and I can’t help but feel like my time is quickly running out. I’ve never been so emotionally distant from my family as I’ve had this year and it feel like I’m a disappointment to everyone who has actually cared about me at some point. I actually had a sort of future ahead of me, but it blew up in my fucking face when I had decided to write a joke essay to the high school I wanted to go to after my mom wouldn’t even allow me to go if I was even accepted. The worst part is she doesn’t even admit to doing that. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve always had the feeling of wanting to blow my fucking brains out but I’ve never felt it as strong as this. Why is it that when it comes to mental issues for men we are throughly ignored? “Why are you upset?”, “Why are you depressed?” “You don’t have a reason to be depressed”. “You should talk to someone” but who is actually listening? I’m sorry for anyone who actually reads this but I’ve been in such a terrible mindset the past 24 odd hours. I really just need guidance, it feels awful to think that inevitably all my family will be gone and I’ll be the only one to fend for myself in just a handful of years. And somehow, in any social circumstance I always end up being the butt end of the joke. I don’t want to keep doing this for 20-40 something years. Someone please talk me out of this state, if it’s even possible. To those who read this entire thing, I hope you’re in a better state than I am.",1,turning december help feel like time quickly running never emotionally distant family year feel like disappointment everyone actually cared point actually sort future ahead blew fucking face decided write joke essay high school wanted go mom even allow go even accepted worst part even admit know anymore always feeling wanting blow fucking brain never felt strong come mental issue men throughly ignored upset depressed reason depressed talk someone actually listening sorry anyone actually read terrible mindset past odd hour really need guidance feel awful think inevitably family gone one fend handful year somehow social circumstance always end butt end joke want keep 0 0 something year someone please talk state even possible read entire thing hope better state -"Sorry for any typos, im typing on my small phone, - -My mental health has been doing a downwards spiral into hell. I am seriously considering suicide. Pleas someone talk to me",1,sorry typo im typing small phone mental health downwards spiral hell seriously considering suicide plea someone talk -"Living is hard. Every day I try to get up and do better for myself so I can prove to the people that call me an ultimate failure or warn other people that I’m no good, that I am good and I can be successful but what good is that if in my quiet moments(which is a lot) my brain eats my heart up. Sometimes i give into the thoughts other people have of me…what if this, what if that. What if I wasn’t here, will this constant pain stop? Will this ache in my brain and heart disappear? Or will I be punished by the god I’ve prayed to for peace of mind? - -I’m sorry for trauma dumping..",1,living hard every day try get better prove people call ultimate failure warn people good good successful good quiet moment lot brain eats heart sometimes give thought people constant pain stop ache brain heart disappear punished god prayed peace mind sorry trauma dumping -"I think I have medical problems that will never go away, and that if it wasn't for them I could be so much more than I am. From personal reflection I'm actually really happy with the progress I've made with myself and in my life since a couple years ago, but things like my anxiety are horrible, and if my life will always have it, I'd rather be dead than continue living. Not to mention I've already done most of all my life has to offer, so what's left really? - -&#x200B; - -I'm sorry if this post sounds pretentious, but I can't find any other post that I can relate to, so I've put it here.",1,think medical problem never go away could much personal reflection actually really happy progress made life since couple year ago thing like anxiety horrible life always rather dead continue living mention already done life offer left really amp x 00b sorry post sound pretentious find post relate put -"I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m always going to have to face racism and sexism constantly and that’s an awful realisation. It honestly makes me want to die because why should I live in a world that’s full of people who want to hurt me when I don’t deserve it. I have to work in order to live and unless I suddenly become wealthy and never have to take shit from racist managers, then I’m done. - -My family life is awful. I was SA’d by my sisters boyfriend two summers ago and my family’s response was abysmal. I went straight to my mums after it happened and called the sister that I love and trust dearly. She told me that my mum said “what does she expect if she’s staying in their house for free?” Those words have never left me, I hear them every time I look at my mum and I’m still living with her. I’m too broke to find a place to live alone and no longer want to work because my racist manager bullies me any chance she gets. - -Everything is really overwhelming me. I have 0 friends. I used to be such a happy and bubbly person but now no one wants to be around me. I guess it shows how conditional some of those friendships were right? I reached out to a friend and told her that I wasn’t doing well and neither is she, unfortunately she cancelled on me twice and hasn’t spoken to me since. I feel like she doesn’t like me anymore. I truly wonder if anyone ever liked me. I’m naturally very extroverted but my anxiety and depression make me sheepish and untrusting of people. I end up shutting down every friendship and I hate that about myself. It’s so fucking hard to stay afloat. - -I no longer want to have kids with my bf because I don’t want my kids to go through racism or me as a mother. I realise that my depression and anxiety could be passed down to them but I could also ruin them with how unpredictable my emotions are. I don’t want them to go through what I went through emotionally. - - -Honestly I do want to die. I understand that there’s parts of my life I am grateful for but they could leave me at anytime . I just want a reset button. I don’t like how my mind keeps ruining everything for me. I can’t have nice things.",1,come conclusion always going face racism sexism constantly awful realisation honestly make want die live world full people want hurt deserve work order live unless suddenly become wealthy never take shit racist manager done family life awful sa sister boyfriend two summer ago family response abysmal went straight mum happened called sister love trust dearly told mum said expect staying house free word never left hear every time look mum still living broke find place live alone longer want work racist manager bully chance get everything really overwhelming 0 friend used happy bubbly person one want around guess show conditional friendship right reached friend told well neither unfortunately cancelled twice spoken since feel like like anymore truly wonder anyone ever liked naturally extroverted anxiety depression make sheepish untrusting people end shutting every friendship hate fucking hard stay afloat longer want kid bf want kid go racism mother realise depression anxiety could passed could also ruin unpredictable emotion want go went emotionally honestly want die understand part life grateful could leave anytime want reset button like mind keep ruining everything nice thing -i know my problems arent as bad and probably much less important and im probably dramatic for feeling this way but please,1,know problem arent bad probably much le important im probably dramatic feeling way please -"It’s like at certain times, i die while awake. Mind goes completely blank and nobody can wake me from my trance, but eventually i come back. - -Once I’m back, I’m flooded with emotion after emotion, and it’s exhausting. - -Then, im just angry and sad. - -Followed by numb once again and cant focus. I quit jobs often even though I need money because I cannot function in this society. - -Sometimes I wish I could get on disability, but everyone tells me im just making excuses and that it cant be as bad as i make it seem. - -I’m always wrong. Never is anything anyone elses fault but fucking mine. I swear someone could kill me and people will be like “ oh well you shouldn’t have made him mad “ - -I’ve never attempted suicide because I don’t have the balls to actually murder myself. I wish someone would do it for me though. - -My whole life I’ve never been good enough for anyone. And now, I’m an unemployed 21 year old man watching everyone thrive and be successful while i slowly rot away. I used to be so intelligent and motivated, not to mention happy as fuck. - -Now, I physically cannot bring myself to do anything that requires even the slightest amount of mental effort without being downright forced to. - -I know this is a lot and probably none of it makes sense. I’m just so fucking stupid and I figured this is a half decent place to ramble because no one gives a shit anyway. - -The only thing that gives me hope that my life can one day be something great, is music. I am a very talented rapper with no recognition, but not like these regular ass people. I innovate and I approach the rap game with the respect she deserves. I carve my words onto the page with precision and passion, because as of the past decade (no exaggeration) hip hop has been the savior of my existence.",1,like certain time die awake mind go completely blank nobody wake trance eventually come back back flooded emotion emotion exhausting im angry sad followed numb cant focus quit job often even though need money function society sometimes wish could get disability everyone tell im making excuse cant bad make seem always wrong never anything anyone el fault fucking mine swear someone could kill people like oh well made mad never attempted suicide ball actually murder wish someone would though whole life never good enough anyone unemployed year old man watching everyone thrive successful slowly rot away used intelligent motivated mention happy fuck physically bring anything requires even slightest amount mental effort without downright forced know lot probably none make sense fucking stupid figured half decent place ramble one give shit anyway thing give hope life one day something great music talented rapper recognition like regular as people innovate approach rap game respect deserves carve word onto page precision passion past decade exaggeration hip hop savior existence -"people say they want my life, i don't understand why. from the outside i guess having no job and endless time to do things is great to some people. im housebound, severe agoraphobia, panic attacks every time i leave the house. severe paranoia about the outside world that i can't overcome. - -i have a great partner and a great housemate who care for me deeply, yet im suicidal. i just don't know how to live anymore. - -it's like, i feel like one of those extra puzzle pieces you sometimes get, that doesn't fit anywhere and is effectively useless. my role is nowhere, i can't work or leave the house, i have barely any hobbies - none that interest me for too long anyway. all i do is clean, organise things, play games, watch stuff and browse my phone all day every day. - -my partner loves me, and i love them. spending time with them is the only happiness i get, but then i feel guilty because i know eventually ill break their heart because im not going to live much longer. - -i overdosed on morphine in november, couple more spoonfuls and i wouldn't be here anymore. i didn't even write a note. things were that bad that i just did it without thinking. no more morphine in my possession sadly - -i fucked up one of the best friendships ive ever had, i really screwed it up. i miss her every day, i check on her instagram stories periodically to see if she is doing okay - and she is. proof life goes on without me. - -me and my partner joke that i can't kill myself because i promised that id live to see elder scrolls 6 come out just to spite todd howard. i don't think i can hold on to living for that long. - -sometimes i think about that saying, it gets better. when? ive suffered with depression for nearly 10 years, been sexually abused by my ex partner, diagnosed with ptsd, diagnosed with bpd, developed agoraphobia, cast out of every job ive had, had people threaten to destroy my life over petty drama. the list goes on and on. everyone says all of this stuff is temporary, but it adds up and it culminates into this. you can't see me but im a shrivelled husk of a person. - -my therapist who i started to get on with discharged me a week after my overdose, because im too high risk. that was pretty funny - -what exactly is left for me to see in the world? there's beautiful sights, great places sure, but im not rich, haven't travelled out of country for nearly 15 years. my agoraphobia is getting worse. there's nothing for me out there. - -i had a plan to correct my mistake with overdosing and make sure it succeeds on new years eve, because i couldn't stand the thought of being here for another year. my partner dragged me through it and i ruined his night. - -suicide is appealing, because i don't want to suffer anymore. what does stop me is my partner, and the friends i chose to keep. i know they'd be upset. but plans and ideas for suicide still flood my brain, and i know one day ill be free of all of this pain. it doesn't get better, it gets so much worse day after day. - -[ramble ramble]",1,people say want life understand outside guess job endless time thing great people im housebound severe agoraphobia panic attack every time leave house severe paranoia outside world overcome great partner great housemate care deeply yet im suicidal know live anymore like feel like one extra puzzle piece sometimes get fit anywhere effectively useless role nowhere work leave house barely hobby none interest long anyway clean organise thing play game watch stuff browse phone day every day partner love love spending time happiness get feel guilty know eventually ill break heart im going live much longer overdosed morphine november couple spoonful anymore even write note thing bad without thinking morphine possession sadly fucked one best friendship ive ever really screwed miss every day check instagram story periodically see okay proof life go without partner joke kill promised id live see elder scroll come spite todd howard think hold living long sometimes think saying get better ive suffered depression nearly 0 year sexually abused ex partner diagnosed ptsd diagnosed bpd developed agoraphobia cast every job ive people threaten destroy life petty drama list go everyone say stuff temporary add culminates see im shrivelled husk person therapist started get discharged week overdose im high risk pretty funny exactly left see world beautiful sight great place sure im rich travelled country nearly year agoraphobia getting worse nothing plan correct mistake overdosing make sure succeeds new year eve stand thought another year partner dragged ruined night suicide appealing want suffer anymore stop partner friend chose keep know upset plan idea suicide still flood brain know one day ill free pain get better get much worse day day ramble ramble -"(M17) Three years ago, I broke both bones in my right arm and needed surgery. They screwed in a metal plate between both bones to keep everything together. Well, yesterday I fell during gym class, braced myself for the fall, and ended up fracturing my Ulnar. Went in to the doctor and got an X-ray that showed the fracture was right on one of the screws. Now I have to see the surgeon from 3 years ago to see what he says. What do I do? Im so done with this mess I can’t take it much longer. I really want to kms",1,three year ago broke bone right arm needed surgery screwed metal plate bone keep everything together well yesterday fell gym class braced fall ended fracturing ulnar went doctor got x ray showed fracture right one screw see surgeon year ago see say im done mess take much longer really want km -I hate so much of my life. I love being at school with my friends but I have to come home every fucking day. I have to wake up to these fucking assholes everyday. My older brother is fucking insane. On good days he is simply the most annoying little shit that won't shut the fuck up and stop talking to me. On bad days he just argues and screams and throws things and takes out his anger out on whoever is closest (mostly me bc we share a room). My perants are nice but my dads transphobic and I want to tell him that I want to transition but I'm afraid he wont see me the same or love me. My younger sister is the only thing keeping me here I love her she's so understanding and sweet. I don't want to hurt her by dying but I can't stand living anymore.,1,hate much life love school friend come home every fucking day wake fucking asshole everyday older brother fucking insane good day simply annoying little shit shut fuck stop talking bad day argues scream throw thing take anger whoever closest mostly bc share room perants nice dad transphobic want tell want transition afraid wont see love younger sister thing keeping love understanding sweet want hurt dying stand living anymore -I’m done. I’m tired of fighting. I want to rest now.,1,done tired fighting want rest -"I know I’m just a burden to everyone around me. I hate myself. People have told me I’m mean after I’m really fucking trying to be a good person. Every partner I’ve had I’ve hurt, at least once. The worst part is that I am not doing this consciously, I’m just naturally an asshole. I thought I needed therapy, I have it. I thought I needed a new job, I have it. Maybe pills? Done. Then I was convinced it was smoking too much weed, so I’ve quit for a month now. Started exercising, eating better, I have my own house and 2 cats and literally nothing helps. It only makes it worse because I have less and less of an excuse to be a burden to those around me. If I kill myself I can leave everyone all my possessions and spare them the pain and burden I’d cause them in the future. I have a plan so no one will have to see my body but the cops, and literally everyone would be better off. Why the fuck should I not do it?",1,know burden everyone around hate people told mean really fucking trying good person every partner hurt least worst part consciously naturally asshole thought needed therapy thought needed new job maybe pill done convinced smoking much weed quit month started exercising eating better house cat literally nothing help make worse le le excuse burden around kill leave everyone possession spare pain burden cause future plan one see body cop literally everyone would better fuck -"I have two younger brothers and they mean everything to me, they've come to an age where they can take care of themselves, my excuse for not hurting myself was them but now they started to grow distant and honestly every single piece of my life has fallen apart, even my mind feels torn as I realized I'm becoming crazy, I'm having lots of harmful thoughts towards others, I really don't want to harm anyone and I rather end my life before I do any harm, but I don't want my suicide to make my brothers fall into depression as I did. -I have 0 motives to be alive, I do not like this world, I do not like most of it's people, everyone betrayed me and there's no one that gives a shit about me anymore besides my brothers. -I feel like I really have to do it, I know I have to, I just lack the balls. -this might be the cruelest thing to say in this reddit but I admire the courage of those that did, suicide it's not easy and it's not the cowards way, the coward way is probably to keep living as I am. -This has to stop",1,two younger brother mean everything come age take care excuse hurting started grow distant honestly every single piece life fallen apart even mind feel torn realized becoming crazy lot harmful thought towards others really want harm anyone rather end life harm want suicide make brother fall depression 0 motif alive like world like people everyone betrayed one give shit anymore besides brother feel like really know lack ball might cruelest thing say reddit admire courage suicide easy coward way coward way probably keep living stop -"My last day - - I will pick a sunny day, wake up and put on some of my best summer attire. Go get food from a good restaurant, I would like a good last meal to be honest. Then I will go and xplore some places I have become fond of and reminisce of the few n far between happy days of my childhood and other times. I might add to this later if I can find stuff I think is worth doing. - -Then for the night, I have a nice bottle of whisky and some benzos I plan on consuming whilst listen to my favourite music, I will try to enjoy as much time as possible between then and now. I have a rope that is ready noosed and just needs hooked up to a nice tree I have already sadly picked out.. one that is high enough but easy to climb. - -Then whilst I listen to music, feeling chill and tranquil as the pills start to take effect, I will sit in said tree with noose around my neck, phone emergency services tell them where my body will be located.. Then I will fall and asphyxiate myself in to the abyss. - -I look forward to that day. - -Sorry for rambling, I am terrible and language in general - -Wish you all peace because I will find mine eventually",1,last day pick sunny day wake put best summer attire go get food good restaurant would like good last meal honest go xplore place become fond reminisce n far happy day childhood time might add later find stuff think worth night nice bottle whisky benzos plan consuming whilst listen favourite music try enjoy much time possible rope ready noosed need hooked nice tree already sadly picked one high enough easy climb whilst listen music feeling chill tranquil pill start take effect sit said tree noose around neck phone emergency service tell body located fall asphyxiate abyss look forward day sorry rambling terrible language general wish peace find mine eventually -I have a couple friends but the girl I love doesn’t love me back any more. I think she might be seeing someone else. I want to kill myself.,1,couple friend girl love love back think might seeing someone else want kill -I just don't know how to.,1,know -"How do I make it in life when I know everything? I literally know everything when It comes to human nature. You see I’m a very observant person and I dislike humans, but I’m a human and have human nature in me so wtf do I do? Guys who are taller with bigger dicks get the girls while you’re just here with nothing. You see I want to not give a fuck about chicks but what do I do? You see I’m 6’6 with 8inches. I’m so insecure that I injured my dick Jelqing was 7 and now 8 but plz don’t try you probably get hurt I’m still little hurt but it doesn’t bother me. luckily I’m healed not fully but it’s doesn’t bother me much just a slight feeling that you learn to ignore. You see What I mean I’m fucked up. I see EVERYTHING. I’ve been in many peoples shoes. The best basketball player, the tallest in school and when I was younger short and chubby with nobody liking me. But I feel as though I’m still not enough. because they’re guys with more than me. And since girls only like me because I’m 6’6 with 8inches, she’s gonna like the guys 6’9 with 9inches, more than me, then the guys 7 foot with 10 inches. All I’m saying is life fucking sucks ass. Its all off of appearance. You see I’m good looking. You might say “well don’t you have a girl friend” that’s the problem. I can’t even find a girl. I could have in the past and I should have but I was too fucking stupid to take advantage of life. When You’re too busy thinking of all the bullshit in the world and how everybody is fake. I feel as though people only like me for certain things, and since they’re people in the world who have more than me I will never be able to win this race. It’s like everything is off of appearance. You can’t choose what you’re born like, you can’t choose your family, you can’t choose anything Physical appearance in life. It’s like a video game we all player and are selected random characters. You try to detach yourself as a human being, but you’d ant escapes human instinct. I’ve tried and keep trying. Why can’t I ever come to a point where vagina doesn’t matter, money, or competing. I used to be real and tell myself that all the time when i was younger. But as you grow older and see the truth of this reality it’s a very sad one. It’s like when you get told Santa wasn’t real except it’s with life. Everything you thought as a youngin turnt out to not be what it seemed. It’s like I’m a alien observing everyone’s else actions and re actions. Was a good kids but all the sudden I grow older and a demon is in me. Porn is partially start of my demons, then social media is also traumatic. Everybody is dirt is this game we call life. Shittiest virtual reality ever. I’m just tired of competing, but when I dont complete they laugh like I’m a bum and lazy, how can I try when I dont wanna play this ficking game?",1,make life know everything literally know everything come human nature see observant person dislike human human human nature wtf guy taller bigger dick get girl nothing see want give fuck chick see inch insecure injured dick jelqing plz try probably get hurt still little hurt bother luckily healed fully bother much slight feeling learn ignore see mean fucked see everything many people shoe best basketball player tallest school younger short chubby nobody liking feel though still enough guy since girl like inch gon na like guy 9 9inches guy foot 0 inch saying life fucking suck as appearance see good looking might say well girl friend problem even find girl could past fucking stupid take advantage life busy thinking bullshit world everybody fake feel though people like certain thing since people world never able win race like everything appearance choose born like choose family choose anything physical appearance life like video game player selected random character try detach human ant escape human instinct tried keep trying ever come point vagina matter money competing used real tell time younger grow older see truth reality sad one like get told santa real except life everything thought youngin turnt seemed like alien observing everyone else action action good kid sudden grow older demon porn partially start demon social medium also traumatic everybody dirt game call life shittiest virtual reality ever tired competing dont complete laugh like bum lazy try dont wan na play ficking game -snapchat: layla.kuz,1,snapchat layla kuz -"My GF has several psychiatric conditions, including BPD, PTSD, and others, and ultimately she says that she hates me and everyone around her for neglecting her and not helping. This isn't entirely false, as I have a few things I'm working on for myself, but she undoubtedly has it much worse. She's been staying with me but primarily lives with her parents as she can't be without her childhood home. I'm worried that me being around her is just making us co-dependent, or that my lack of real experience in psychology is making things worse. - -How do I know when I really am just making the situation worse by staying? I am trying to improve and be a better support system for her, but I'm not improving fast enough. Problem is, I'm worried that if I leave her then she'll certainly have no real support, even from her parents. I realize it might be subjective, but what are some things to look out for?",1,gf several psychiatric condition including bpd ptsd others ultimately say hate everyone around neglecting helping entirely false thing working undoubtedly much worse staying primarily life parent without childhood home worried around making u co dependent lack real experience psychology making thing worse know really making situation worse staying trying improve better support system improving fast enough problem worried leave certainly real support even parent realize might subjective thing look -"i dont even know were to start. i hope this reaches the right people. ive been suicidal all my life, with shit tons trauma built on to it and a recent SA. ive just been good at hiding it. i feel as i dont have anyone to talk to about how i feel or have someone truly love and care for me rhe way i need it. i need someone to hold me at night and tell me everything is gonna be okay. i need reassurance constantly, i need to be able to talk to someone and feel like they are listening, giving advice or what they can do. ive felt that if i die tomorrow, it is what it is. i didn’t even think i’d make it to 19 yrs. im gonna be 20 in 2 months and god, if i make it i’d be shocked.",1,dont even know start hope reach right people ive suicidal life shit ton trauma built recent sa ive good hiding feel dont anyone talk feel someone truly love care rhe way need need someone hold night tell everything gon na okay need reassurance constantly need able talk someone feel like listening giving advice ive felt die tomorrow even think make 9 yr im gon na 0 month god make shocked -,1,nan -"I have come to the conclusion that I am just not suited for life. No matter how hard I try, I don’t seem to be able to accomplish anything meaningful, or be able to derive joy out of anything. I was given nice parents and a privileged upbringing, but the extreme depression that rules my life is overwhelming and I really cannot take it anymore. I have an easy life, and I still can’t manage to get it right. - -I started to feel worthless ever since I was a teenager. I had a hard fitting in with groups of people. I felt extremely shy, and I saw that my best friend at the time could effortlessly blend in and have many friends. It completely baffled me, and it was the first time that I started telling myself over and over: “I am not pretty, I have no talent. I am not smart. I am worthless.” 13 year old me cried myself to sleep, convinced that people just simply didn’t like me. I could never quite figure out what was defective in me. Everywhere I went I felt extremely awkward and felt - -In high school I started to feel immense academic pressure. I saw that my classmates were very high achieving. I didn’t even want to think about my future, and I spent much of my time last minute studying and playing video games, instead of planning anything for my future. I ended up not getting into colleges that I wanted to, while my friends and classmates were accepted. I accepted that I was a failure compared to everyone in my high school. A socially awkward, talentless, ugly failure. - -I went to university. I am now doing a master with an internship. I graduated with summa cum laude for my undergraduate. I was still constantly crying and contemplating the worth of my pathetic life. Still, I was able to appear ‘smart’ in front of my classmates. I took up a research internship as well, where I was again told that I was ‘smart’ and had a lot of potential and other bs. But aside from school, I didn’t have much of a life. Any friends I made in uni have long been lost, because people don’t like being around a depressed person. I was made out to be ‘toxic,’ so that alone should tell you enough how awful it is to be around me. I went to therapy. It didn’t do much. I took medication. It doesn’t do much. I have now entered my masters program, and I am being told by my supervisor that she has serious doubts as to whether I will pass. Everyone else is enjoying their time in their studies, while I have to struggle so hard just to be told that I’m not even good enough to get a passing grade. - -I also struggle extremely badly with body dysmorphic disorder. I have a pear shaped body. No matter how much I exercise, my legs just stay very bulky and thick. I lost a lot of weight in my last year of my undergraduate studies; it was partly because I hated my body, but above all, it was because I hated my life so much that I wanted to make it ‘visible’ by appearing sickly thin. I continued to lose weight until I was underweight. Only then do my legs appear normal. I continued to follow disgusting anorexic eating patterns during my studies. It was so damn hard to study while having to be pre-occupied with food 24/7 and having to only eat […] calories in order to not gain weight. Somehow I passed all my damn exams. After this year, I admitted to my parents that I had an eating disorder, although at this point it was kind of evident. I went home to take a gap year for the sake of my mental health. - -During my gap year, I sought professional treatment, and of course I gained a ton of weight. I was so sick of living with severe depression and anorexia. It was near traumatic to see my body change so much in a short amount of time. I felt extremely defective for gaining so much weight. I can’t believe my parents thought it would be a good idea for me to recover at home instead of at a ed treatment center, because my emotional volatility were simply insane. But I became physically healthy, and I was eating lots of good food. I even got a part time job during my gap year to convince myself that I was at least semi-functional. Unfortunately, as is the case with my pear-shaped body, living at a normal weight entails lots and lots of misery. I can never wear skinny jeans because my legs are ugly. I can’t stand the cellulite and belly fat that accompanies my ‘healthy’ body. I was handed bad genetics in terms of body build. My body alone takes away my will to live. - -After my gap year, I continued onto my masters. I started to lose *some* weight, just because I slept through some snacks and meals from fatigue. And then I knew that I could never gain that weight back. I started to take up lots of exercising to create more room for extra food. The vast majority of my classmates are thin people. Being bigger than everyone is extremely triggering for me. Everyday I wake up and think about what I’m going to eat. Then I think about how big my legs are. Then I think about how much thinner and smarter and classmates are. Then I see all the thin people around me. Then I think about what I’m going to eat next. Then I think about how I’m going to fit a jog or a boxing class into my busy schedule. Then maybe I will think about school and such. Then I go to sleep and repeat it all again. I even lost my damn period again. It’s maddening because I am not even a thin person, and yet my body thinks that being slightly thinner means that I’m necessarily dying. I have such a dumb body. - -Now here I am doing an internship for school, and I am failing very badly. It’s not in my native language (and I haven’t known the language for very long), so it costs me twice the cognitive energy to follow everything. Apparently, taking exams goes smoothly, but the minute I have to be in a practical setting, I turn into a complete idiot. I don’t have the extra energy to put in the effort, because most of my dumb thoughts are just: “my legs are fat, her legs are thin. She is lucky. I have to worry about weight. lunch is when? Jogging when? Extra squats when? What’s for dinner?” etc. Now I’m constantly being told that I’m not performing well, and they can’t tell if it’s because of a language barrier or if I genuinely don’t understand what is going on. Everyone else is doing just fine, and they say that you have to be pretty stupid to fail at this internship. Well… guess who’s going to be that idiot who can’t pass…. - -Looking back at my life, I just see failure and mediocracy, and just a lot of sadness. As I said earlier, my body alone takes away my will to live. But, in order to be able to function in school and work, you need to stay relatively healthy. But seeing as my life is just filled with social isolation, inferiority complexes, and still lots of depression, there is just simply no way that my life is worth it. Living in this “healthy” body makes me extremely sad, and the life that I would otherwise have without an ED is just not worth it — it doesn’t justify the effort I put into recovery and the effort I put in with learning to accept my body. Seeing as my life is just consisting of studying, feeling stupid, feeling incompetent, crying, exercising, restrictive eating, hunger, fatigue, and more crying, I just wonder how the hell everyone else is just out here living a normal life without any mental illness. People like my classmates are really out here acing their exams, acing their internships, having a life, having lots of friends, having a relationship, having fun, and leading overall fulfilling lives. I don’t understand it. All I know is that my life was just one big mistake. - -I just really need a good plan on how to end myself. I find it disappointing how finding a simple method with a high success rate just isn’t very easy. I have four more weeks in my internship. I just plan to go through it, get an insufficient grade, and then end it all. But ugh… mom and dad would be so sad... it’s already bad enough that I tell them that I hate living and wish that I could disappear. They try so hard to convince me that I’m smart and can accomplish anything I want like I’m in a Disney movie. They constantly try to convince me that I will find happiness in my life, and that I’m just in a low state of my life, and that they will always be there and try to find further help for me. But I’m 24. I’ve been feeling this way for over a decade, damn near half my dumb existence. I feel like my soul died the minute I hit puberty. I didn’t experience anything traumatic; I was just dealt a bad hand in genetics. I’m freaking exhausted. Nothing would be better than closing my eyes and never waking up again.",1,come conclusion suited life matter hard try seem able accomplish anything meaningful able derive joy anything given nice parent privileged upbringing extreme depression rule life overwhelming really take anymore easy life still manage get right started feel worthless ever since teenager hard fitting group people felt extremely shy saw best friend time could effortlessly blend many friend completely baffled first time started telling pretty talent smart worthless year old cried sleep convinced people simply like could never quite figure defective everywhere went felt extremely awkward felt high school started feel immense academic pressure saw classmate high achieving even want think future spent much time last minute studying playing video game instead planning anything future ended getting college wanted friend classmate accepted accepted failure compared everyone high school socially awkward talentless ugly failure went university master internship graduated summa cum laude undergraduate still constantly cry contemplating worth pathetic life still able appear smart front classmate took research internship well told smart lot potential b aside school much life friend made uni long lost people like around depressed person made toxic alone tell enough awful around went therapy much took medication much entered master program told supervisor serious doubt whether pas everyone else enjoying time study struggle hard told even good enough get passing grade also struggle extremely badly body dysmorphic disorder pear shaped body matter much exercise leg stay bulky thick lost lot weight last year undergraduate study partly hated body hated life much wanted make visible appearing sickly thin continued lose weight underweight leg appear normal continued follow disgusting anorexic eating pattern study damn hard study pre occupied food eat calorie order gain weight somehow passed damn exam year admitted parent eating disorder although point kind evident went home take gap year sake mental health gap year sought professional treatment course gained ton weight sick living severe depression anorexia near traumatic see body change much short amount time felt extremely defective gaining much weight believe parent thought would good idea recover home instead ed treatment center emotional volatility simply insane became physically healthy eating lot good food even got part time job gap year convince least semi functional unfortunately case pear shaped body living normal weight entail lot lot misery never wear skinny jean leg ugly stand cellulite belly fat accompanies healthy body handed bad genetics term body build body alone take away live gap year continued onto master started lose weight slept snack meal fatigue knew could never gain weight back started take lot exercising create room extra food vast majority classmate thin people bigger everyone extremely triggering everyday wake think going eat think big leg think much thinner smarter classmate see thin people around think going eat next think going fit jog boxing class busy schedule maybe think school go sleep repeat even lost damn period maddening even thin person yet body think slightly thinner mean necessarily dying dumb body internship school failing badly native language known language long cost twice cognitive energy follow everything apparently taking exam go smoothly minute practical setting turn complete idiot extra energy put effort dumb thought leg fat leg thin lucky worry weight lunch jogging extra squat dinner etc constantly told performing well tell language barrier genuinely understand going everyone else fine say pretty stupid fail internship well guess going idiot pas looking back life see failure mediocracy lot sadness said earlier body alone take away live order able function school work need stay relatively healthy seeing life filled social isolation inferiority complex still lot depression simply way life worth living healthy body make extremely sad life would otherwise without ed worth justify effort put recovery effort put learning accept body seeing life consisting studying feeling stupid feeling incompetent cry exercising restrictive eating hunger fatigue cry wonder hell everyone else living normal life without mental illness people like classmate really acing exam acing internship life lot friend relationship fun leading overall fulfilling life understand know life one big mistake really need good plan end find disappointing finding simple method high success rate easy four week internship plan go get insufficient grade end ugh mom dad would sad already bad enough tell hate living wish could disappear try hard convince smart accomplish anything want like disney movie constantly try convince find happiness life low state life always try find help feeling way decade damn near half dumb existence feel like soul died minute hit puberty experience anything traumatic dealt bad hand genetics freaking exhausted nothing would better closing eye never waking -"People say that god only tests us not more than we can handle. But it is a bunch of lies. Perhaps he doesn't exist, at least in my heart. - -No matter what I do, I always fails at everything even trying to die seems hard enough. I can't just live happily like it is wrong and worse, I tried to kill myself so many times that no matter what I always unknowingly and unintentionally cheated death. At this point I've just had enough.",1,people say god test u handle bunch lie perhaps exist least heart matter always fails everything even trying die seems hard enough live happily like wrong worse tried kill many time matter always unknowingly unintentionally cheated death point enough -"In like 7-8 hours lol. I'm a failure. I'm bad at everything and all I do is waste my parents money. I cause them 26738266⁴⁶²⁷⁵² amount of stress. They will be sad when I die, but it will be for the better. I can't keep watching them suffer because of me. My brother is going to be super sad which makes me sad. But hopefully he can understand when he grows up. I plan to jump from my terrace. Hopefully it's high enough 💀. There is grass below tho, i hope that doesn't stop me from dying, cause it will be real embarrassing if i don't die. -Failed at everything including suicide 💀. -Have a great day to whoever reads this - -Edit: Guys, thank you for your replies. I decided to actually talk to my parents and sort everything out. I will not be killing myself (for the time being (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧). -I really appreciate everyone here. Thank you. May god bless all of you",1,like hour lol failure bad everything waste parent money cause amount stress sad die better keep watching suffer brother going super sad make sad hopefully understand grows plan jump terrace hopefully high enough grass tho hope stop dying cause real embarrassing die failed everything including suicide great day whoever read edit guy thank reply decided actually talk parent sort everything killing time really appreciate everyone thank may god bless -"Over the last 5 years my life has completely fallen apart. I grew up happy as ever, with a very well off family, a brother I got along with, friends I hung out with all the time. Then my baby sister died. Out of nowhere shortly after, my parents said they were getting a divorce. After having a loving, caring family my entire life, in the span of just a month, everything flipped upside down. I don’t have a family outside of my mother and baby brother anymore, and my mother has robbed the house of peace by becoming fixated on an emotionally abusive boyfriend. My entire life was destroyed, and it’s only gotten worse. 2 years into the divorce, my best friend died. All of my other friends and friend groups I was in slowly just forgot about me due to depression and anxiety from everything I had going on making me become incredibly introverted and just not fun to be around anymore. He was the only person I had that I could talk to, besides my girlfriend who I put through hell because of how much I hated myself and my situation, and now he was gone. Shortly after his death, her and I broke up, and I deserved it. I wasn’t abusive, but I wasn’t a good boyfriend. I never wanted to go anywhere, or do anything. I stopped wanting sex and intimacy because I didn’t think I deserved those things. The divorce has only gotten worse over the years and after 5 years of stress and anxiety being a constant, my health has now started to decline. I’ve lost my toned body, I’ve lost my nice smile, I’ve lost my sense of fashion. I’ve given up entirely on trying to form new relationships or make new friends because I know that I just don’t have what it takes to foster deep relationships anymore - I’ve seen a therapist about this, and she said she believes it’s because of my family and my best friend and that now my brain correlates love with loss, which prevents me from getting attached to people, or makes me act in ways to push others away before they can get attached to me. - -With my health issues getting worse due to the constant stress, I’m now out of work on medical leave. I sit in my room, every day, just watching YouTube, not talking to a single soul and no one talking to me. I truly believe that my life has reached a point where it just isn’t worth living anymore. Besides my mother and baby brother, I don’t believe there is a single person that would even notice, especially if I made it look like an accident. With all the free time I now have, I’ve been reading a lot about spirituality and I’ve stumbled across the plausibility of reincarnation - the idea of death being the entry to a new life, with life being a series of goals to fulfill a purpose from each life to the next. It’s been very difficult for me to try and think of any purpose my life has at this point. I’m debilitatingly lonely, I’ve stopped caring about anything, I’ve become very cynical and I’m letting things that should be important to a person just waste away, like just ceasing to pay my car bill, because I no longer care if it gets repossessed. The idea of even the POSSIBILITY of being able to start again, since truly no one has any idea what happens when you die, is more appealing to me than continuing to live. I’m 26 now and my life is going absolutely nowhere and I don’t know what else to do. I have no support system, I have no one but myself and I hate myself more than anyone else. The worst kind of lonely is when you aren’t even there for yourself and that’s where I’m at now. I’ve always thought of myself as a great person, I consistently go out of my way to help others. Even now, if someone reaches out to me for something I don’t hesitate. But I just can’t get anyone to stick around, not even my own father gives a shit about me anymore. I used to think the world was just fucked up and bad things happen to good people - but it’s becoming more and more evident as I witness the relationships other people have, the families other people have, the friends other people have - that that theory just doesn’t add up. The more likely possibility is that I myself am the issue, I’m the problem, and I’ve come to that realization now. The idea that death might not be the end, but a new beginning, is very appealing to me. like to think Has anyone else thought about these concepts? Has anyone else found themselves in a similar situation and thought about what comes after death, and whether it’s worth it? Just curious, and looking for some input. Thank you.",1,last year life completely fallen apart grew happy ever well family brother got along friend hung time baby sister died nowhere shortly parent said getting divorce loving caring family entire life span month everything flipped upside family outside mother baby brother anymore mother robbed house peace becoming fixated emotionally abusive boyfriend entire life destroyed gotten worse year divorce best friend died friend friend group slowly forgot due depression anxiety everything going making become incredibly introverted fun around anymore person could talk besides girlfriend put hell much hated situation gone shortly death broke deserved abusive good boyfriend never wanted go anywhere anything stopped wanting sex intimacy think deserved thing divorce gotten worse year year stress anxiety constant health started decline lost toned body lost nice smile lost sense fashion given entirely trying form new relationship make new friend know take foster deep relationship anymore seen therapist said belief family best friend brain correlate love loss prevents getting attached people make act way push others away get attached health issue getting worse due constant stress work medical leave sit room every day watching youtube talking single soul one talking truly believe life reached point worth living anymore besides mother baby brother believe single person would even notice especially made look like accident free time reading lot spirituality stumbled across plausibility reincarnation idea death entry new life life series goal fulfill purpose life next difficult try think purpose life point debilitatingly lonely stopped caring anything become cynical letting thing important person waste away like ceasing pay car bill longer care get repossessed idea even possibility able start since truly one idea happens die appealing continuing live life going absolutely nowhere know else support system one hate anyone else worst kind lonely even always thought great person consistently go way help others even someone reach something hesitate get anyone stick around even father give shit anymore used think world fucked bad thing happen good people becoming evident witness relationship people family people friend people theory add likely possibility issue problem come realization idea death might end new beginning appealing like think anyone else thought concept anyone else found similar situation thought come death whether worth curious looking input thank -"When I tried to kms the second time, what stopped me was a terror unlike anything I have felt before. I've been planning an overdose for a while now, and just planning it out has brought that feeling right back to me. I feel butterflies in my stomach and my heart racing, and I know if I were to grab my meds, crush them up, and went to take them, I wouldn't be able to fight this terror. I've been told before that ""That just means that somewhere deep inside you, you want to live"" but I disagree. This feels like basic primal instinct. It's so hard to just say ""do x and then all of your perceptions will end"", that's not something you can just do. Yet people have. I want to do this, but I don't know how to prepare for this terror. I remember when I backed out of my second attempt I kept on saying to myself ""Nothing can prepare you for that"". I can plan and prepare all I want, but taking an action that self destructive is incredibly difficult, especially when you have a realistic fear of not dying and being left severely injured. I'm terrified, and I don't know what to do anymore. It seems like the best option, but it's so cruel that it just has to be so difficult. Dying shouldn't be too much to ask for, yet absolutely everything fights against you. I hate this so incredibly much. This is hell",1,tried km second time stopped terror unlike anything felt planning overdose planning brought feeling right back feel butterfly stomach heart racing know grab med crush went take able fight terror told mean somewhere deep inside want live disagree feel like basic primal instinct hard say x perception end something yet people want know prepare terror remember backed second attempt kept saying nothing prepare plan prepare want taking action self destructive incredibly difficult especially realistic fear dying left severely injured terrified know anymore seems like best option cruel difficult dying much ask yet absolutely everything fight hate incredibly much hell -"My parents are incredibly strict I literally cannot do shit - -All the kids have a meal plan that they must follow or else - -Cant have anything other than the bare minimum in our rooms - -No going out with friends or really even having friends in the first place - -No getting a job or having money for any reason - -Constant room searches - - -Last week my room was searched while I was at school and my dad found my journal where I wrote that i was gay. He outed me to my entire family. My dad started blowing up about how i never tell him anything and how selfish i am for keeping it to myself. All i ever am is selfish. Being suicidal? Selfish “you’re ruining my dinner” I wish I could get a gun in this country so I could blow my brains out in front of them. Im so fucking done with everything.",1,parent incredibly strict literally shit kid meal plan must follow else cant anything bare minimum room going friend really even friend first place getting job money reason constant room search last week room searched school dad found journal wrote gay outed entire family dad started blowing never tell anything selfish keeping ever selfish suicidal selfish ruining dinner wish could get gun country could blow brain front im fucking done everything -"They are not bad people though its my fault they ignore me, school drives me crazy and i think ill never be really comfortable with the way life is. I dont want to die but i really dont want to live",1,bad people though fault ignore school drive crazy think ill never really comfortable way life dont want die really dont want live -"Why do I have to put up with this bs I didn’t ask for? I’ve been planning to kill myself for a long time, and I think I’ve reached my breaking point. No one actually genuinely likes me, everyone picks on me but I’m the sensitive one when I confront them, it’s always me. I’ve watched my older sis have a nearly perfect life and helped her through all her struggles. What did I do to deserve this? Was I freaking hitler in a past life? I can’t cry anymore, so I have no emotional outlet for my feelings. Everyone I ever talk to runs away or blames me for my problems, and I recently lost a very important friendship because I opened up to her. I am just really tired of life, and no one would miss me anyways. I thought I was strong but I guess I’m not. If you read this I appreciate it.",1,put b ask planning kill long time think reached breaking point one actually genuinely like everyone pick sensitive one confront always watched older si nearly perfect life helped struggle deserve freaking hitler past life cry anymore emotional outlet feeling everyone ever talk run away blame problem recently lost important friendship opened really tired life one would miss anyways thought strong guess read appreciate -"My biggest wish is for my family to allow me to end it all. I want them to understand the pain and suffering I’m going through, the constant daily battle that makes it so hard to live. I want them to be prepared; I just want to disappear from life and hurt the least amount of people.",1,biggest wish family allow end want understand pain suffering going constant daily battle make hard live want prepared want disappear life hurt least amount people -"I've turned this into my blog. Took it over. People depend on me to be alive, to function, to live. Yet, I hate this planet and pedophiles, politics, religion, racism, and rapist and they are all allowed to live amongst us. Why? Because this ""GOD"" people belive in is cruel. In the story book, he gave up ""HIS SON"" for us, yet who has ""GOD"" to? Either way, I would like to ask him before I go to hell. Or reborn in this Earth to relive this life in a different form. My favorite part of the day is when I lay my head down and hope not to wake up. The worst part of my day is waking up.",1,turned blog took people depend alive function live yet hate planet pedophile politics religion racism rapist allowed live amongst u god people belive cruel story book gave son u yet god either way would like ask go hell reborn earth relive life different form favorite part day lay head hope wake worst part day waking -what will happen if i take more than 25 pills of acetaminophen at once??,1,happen take pill acetaminophen -,1,nan -"We all know im too much of a pussy to kill myself but fucking hell i want to. I want to jump off the bridge near my home. Being killed by someone would be even better. Sometimes I imagine myself sending people my goodbye messages and killing myself out in the woods. There's a tree I stare at every single time I pass it with a perfect horizontal branch. This fucking close to buying a noose and just doing it. And the worst part is, if anyone who knew me irl read this, they'd think I'm joking and that it's stupid. - -But there is nothing I want more than death right now",1,know im much pussy kill fucking hell want want jump bridge near home killed someone would even better sometimes imagine sending people goodbye message killing wood tree stare every single time pas perfect horizontal branch fucking close buying noose worst part anyone knew irl read think joking stupid nothing want death right -,1,nan -"I am so unsatisfied with life, no aspect of life is of any enjoyment to me. The thought of getting a job, working 9-5 every day of the week, sleeping on the weekends because I’m too tired, slowly building up money to maybe have a vacation once a year for only a week, and then going back into the grind, continuing this as my body breaks down with age, and eventually dying with nothing in my hands just sounds like actual hell. I have a girlfriend who wants to marry me and have kids, but I genuinely don’t believe that I could give my kids or her a good life. I doubt I could support a family financially because I have no money and can’t afford a good education past high school, I doubt I would be able to be a good father due to having to come home from a grind at work everyday too tired to play with them or properly parent, and too tired on the weekends to do either. Why can’t life be different? I have no plans of suicide, but holy fuck this world makes me want to.",1,unsatisfied life aspect life enjoyment thought getting job working 9 every day week sleeping weekend tired slowly building money maybe vacation year week going back grind continuing body break age eventually dying nothing hand sound like actual hell girlfriend want marry kid genuinely believe could give kid good life doubt could support family financially money afford good education past high school doubt would able good father due come home grind work everyday tired play properly parent tired weekend either life different plan suicide holy fuck world make want -"i never thought i would feel this way at this point. i'm in between two different stages of life and the stress of it is making me want to kill myself. i'm a senior in high school and life is so hard right now and i don't know if i'm being dramatic. ive been suicidal before but i don't think i am now just because i know i have a big turning point in front of me in the fall when i go to college which gives me hope. but i fear i'm putting too much weight on this. if i don't like college i am scared i will kill myself because it's all that's keeping me going. -I used to want to kill myself when i was 13. i know what it feels like but that's not what this is. i just can't keep going, it get's harder every day. i still have two months until graduation and i am scared out of my mind. it is so stressful to have so many duties every day: school, work, college decisions, scholarships. i have to pay $300 in car expenses, which is like two weeks paycheck thrown away. it feels like i do so much just for the little ounce of freedom i get on one day of the weekend or for maybe an hour after school. i can't keep going like this but i have to. i feel like i'm wasting such an important time in my life, but i can't change it... i want to end it just to avoid the pain of trekking through it because sometimes i can't even see myself waking up tomorrow and doing it all again. i am so scared of disappointed everyone, every time i let my mom down i just want to die so bad. i feel so useless, i can't control myself. when i'm given decisions i can't make them. i hate the thought that i have complete control over myself because it gives the blame of who ive become (extremely burnt out, flaky to friends and work, used to be extroverted but now im so quiet) to me and me only .",1,never thought would feel way point two different stage life stress making want kill senior high school life hard right know dramatic ive suicidal think know big turning point front fall go college give hope fear putting much weight like college scared kill keeping going used want kill know feel like keep going get harder every day still two month graduation scared mind stressful many duty every day school work college decision scholarship pay 00 car expense like two week paycheck thrown away feel like much little ounce freedom get one day weekend maybe hour school keep going like feel like wasting important time life change want end avoid pain trekking sometimes even see waking tomorrow scared disappointed everyone every time let mom want die bad feel useless control given decision make hate thought complete control give blame ive become extremely burnt flaky friend work used extroverted im quiet -"I will be 30 then, and most probably still lonely af. What even is the point. I make a shit ton of money at work, have hobbies but still, can’t find someone else to share the life with. It’s pointless. What am I even struggling for. Much better to just fuckin off myself.",1,0 probably still lonely af even point make shit ton money work hobby still find someone else share life pointless even struggling much better fuckin -,1,nan -"Lives in SC. - -I have been struggling financially for years and faced homelessness on and off. I can’t do this anymore. I’m not mentally or emotionally stable at all. I fucked up by quitting my last job weeks ago because I was committed to ending my life since I had to pay a $700 bill for accidentally causing damage in my apartment. Luckily, my partner who lives faraway helped me out and covered it for me. - -For the longest, my life been going downhill. I have no family to turn to because I’m distant from most of them including my own mother because they’re toxic or they would never pick up the phone at all. My older sister is the only one I talk with but not really at all. I have no friends at all. The only people I really have is my partner and my older sister (sometimes) and they’ve been helping me through my situation. I feel like a complete burden to them. - -I temporarily lived at my cousin’s house and experienced verbal/physical abuse and destruction of my belongings from his wife then was kicked out after a couple of months. She kicked me out the house every other week because I was short on my portion of the rent or out of pure pettiness. I been homeless either out on the streets/park area or living in my car from time to time. Then I was ultimately kicked out after she randomly decided she doesn’t want to see me again. Even though I paid for my portion of the rent. - -I did managed to get an apartment on short notice with the help of my partner, but I had trouble paying for my bills. I had different jobs and the pay wasn’t good at all. On top of that, they were cutting my hours a lot. I barely make it to paying my rent multiple times and I was hit with a late fee every time. I’ve been attempting to kill myself many times because I’m so tired and stressed out with this uphill battle. Nothing ever works out in my favor. - -I can’t do anything right at all. I’ve been going days without eating, having water, or electricity because I’m way behind on bills and being broke. Barely have gas to get to the jobs I had. I tried applying for different assistant programs but I only get denied or never hear back from them. Same thing with applying for jobs online and in person. Either they’re not hiring, never called, or I have to wait awhile. I sold nudes and feet pics before but I couldn’t get clients who’s willing to pay. I know some of my problems are because of my own irresponsibility. I can never catch a break at all. I just can’t act get right no matter how hard I try. I’m always stuck.",1,life sc struggling financially year faced homelessness anymore mentally emotionally stable fucked quitting last job week ago committed ending life since pay 00 bill accidentally causing damage apartment luckily partner life faraway helped covered longest life going downhill family turn distant including mother toxic would never pick phone older sister one talk really friend people really partner older sister sometimes helping situation feel like complete burden temporarily lived cousin house experienced verbal physical abuse destruction belonging wife kicked couple month kicked house every week short portion rent pure pettiness homeless either street park area living car time time ultimately kicked randomly decided want see even though paid portion rent managed get apartment short notice help partner trouble paying bill different job pay good top cutting hour lot barely make paying rent multiple time hit late fee every time attempting kill many time tired stressed uphill battle nothing ever work favor anything right going day without eating water electricity way behind bill broke barely gas get job tried applying different assistant program get denied never hear back thing applying job online person either hiring never called wait awhile sold nude foot pic get client willing pay know problem irresponsibility never catch break act get right matter hard try always stuck -"I'm so tired of existing. I have to believe the lies people tell me if I want to be happier in this world. That it's not all falling apart. That ""trying hard"" will get me anything, will reward me. That people love me. It's so much nonsense. The only people in my life can't fucking stand me. Everyone else is at best, mildly interested in me from afar, and once they get to know me they want nothing more to do with me. - -I'm fucking useless and worthless and anyone who's ever told me otherwise wants me to suffer. What do they see in me? I have achieved nothing. I am nothing. Nothing but a corpse, too stubborn to start rotting but fully, entirely dead.",1,tired existing believe lie people tell want happier world falling apart trying hard get anything reward people love much nonsense people life fucking stand everyone else best mildly interested afar get know want nothing fucking useless worthless anyone ever told otherwise want suffer see achieved nothing nothing nothing corpse stubborn start rotting fully entirely dead -I have decided to just end my life. I’ve been dealing with the pain for too long. Weirdly enough I’m not extremely upset but rather calm. I’m excited that I’ll soon be able to die. I don’t even care about my life anymore and tbh it’s great that I feel numb to it all. I’m not even crying about it. I just want the pain to go away and now I’ll be able to get rid of the pain. I’ve just been dealing with anxiety and depression. I’m ready to go. Heck it’ll be cool to die on my birthday haha,1,decided end life dealing pain long weirdly enough extremely upset rather calm excited soon able die even care life anymore tbh great feel numb even cry want pain go away able get rid pain dealing anxiety depression ready go heck cool die birthday haha -"Lying manipulating aunt taking advantage of my mom, forcing my parents apart, stealing money, stealing clothes for 4 years and counting. -I couldn’t take it, my school grades dropped, covid hit, couldn’t muster up the courage to talk to friends, had a drive through high school graduation, barely graduated at all, no uni plans, working at a dollar store, just floating on with no motivation or will. -My sister almost suicided but had the courage to talk about it. -I attempted more times than I can count but couldn’t talk about it, the closest to death was when I was bleeding so much from my neck I dyed the knife and clothes I was wearing. -I tried talking about everything but the attempts but those that know stopped talking to me unless I try first. -Wouldn’t it be better if I off myself and get it over with? It’s not like it matters, nothing does. Another person will just grow up and fill my spot in society. Life doesn’t matter, all life is only equal cause it’s equally worthless. Everything is worthless. - -But the few friends that did help me would hurt. But it’s better to get it over with like a bandaid instead of make them watch me suffer. Nothing is going my way. I’m constantly crying myself to sleep. I’ve been called wise but it’s just watered down suicidal thoughts coming up in normal conversations. -Religion helped for a bit but it’s just more rules on how to live. I need help but I don’t have the will to do anything. I just need someone to comfort me. -I try hugging myself but it just reminds of how lonely I am. Every time I try reaching out it just ends with a passive one word reply,” we haven’t talked in so long, how’ve you been doing?” “ good”. Just cut me off if you don’t like talking to me. Quit playing these mind games and say it to my face. -I’m seriously messed up. Am I messed up or is everyone else messed up but that’s what’s socially acceptable? No matter how much I hate the world my mind always tries to justify thing or see thing from they’re point of view even if it’s a blatantly bad thing. Are my friend bad or am I bad? I don’t know. I just feel sad or numb, but cover it with a smile so if I can make a difference in someone’s life, it’s a positive one unlike mine. - -I feel like such an attention seeker by talking about what I’m going through, maybe being anonymous like this is what’s letting me write this. - -It’s 3 am again so goodnight, we’ll see if it’s the last time I say that or not",1,lying manipulating aunt taking advantage mom forcing parent apart stealing money stealing clothes year counting take school grade dropped covid hit muster courage talk friend drive high school graduation barely graduated uni plan working dollar store floating motivation sister almost suicided courage talk attempted time count talk closest death bleeding much neck dyed knife clothes wearing tried talking everything attempt know stopped talking unless try first better get like matter nothing another person grow fill spot society life matter life equal cause equally worthless everything worthless friend help would hurt better get like bandaid instead make watch suffer nothing going way constantly cry sleep called wise watered suicidal thought coming normal conversation religion helped bit rule live need help anything need someone comfort try hugging reminds lonely every time try reaching end passive one word reply talked long good cut like talking quit playing mind game say face seriously messed messed everyone else messed socially acceptable matter much hate world mind always try justify thing see thing point view even blatantly bad thing friend bad bad know feel sad numb cover smile make difference someone life positive one unlike mine feel like attention seeker talking going maybe anonymous like letting write goodnight see last time say -I just want a hug right now. I pissed my gf off and I just want to know that I’m forgiven or at least told it’s ok,1,want hug right pissed gf want know forgiven least told ok -"Just a disclaimer, but I love my parents... and I love my family a lot. I've been super spoiled when I was younger, and I'm glad I was born in my family. In no way is this vent ragging on them or supposed to highlight them as bad people. - -Idk what the main topic of this is, just a vent bc i got my card like a week ago and i feel horrible - -I'm planning on offing myself before the next school year starts. Im planning on doing everything Ive wanted and never done before, then go out with a bang. Be useful for once in my life, then leave while the satisfaction is still fresh and before i make another mistake. - - Truthfully, in the past two years I've tried multiple times but stopped at the very last second. I'm not struggling as bad as everyone else, so why do I feel so miserable? Everyone else has become better now, so why not me? I've just gotten lazier and lazier... and basically just lost all of my will to do anything. - -Right now I'm 15. - As a child, I was pretty much one of those kids who were constantly pressured to be in first place, join competitions, win in basically anything. Many times I was pressured to do things I didn't want, and hand in hand with that, I couldn't really do most of the things I liked, too. An example of the things I had to do was public speaking and basically announcing stuff in front of a crowd. I already had stage fright then, but it ended up getting worse and became overall anxiety after I humiliated myself multiple times on stage, forgetting what to say, stuttering, etc. I knew many people who could do it better, but no matter how much I disliked it, I guess I had no choice. After that my voice became quieter, I became passive, I didn't raise my hand unless I was called. Everytime I was in front of people I basically just shut down. - -When I was younger I was a lot more extroverted, the older I became, the smaller my confidence fell. When I reached 5th grade, I became really paranoid and felt all my worth was tied to being smart, and even now, I still can't break away from thinking that way. Basically, my self-esteem is now in the gutter (maybe even in hell at this point), but the difference is just that I don't really care anymore :) - -I constantly felt the need to be a role model... felt that enjoying things would make me less of one. While the rest of my class bonded with each other, went on outings, etc. I was so stuck up that I never went with them. I was very rule-abiding, after all, that was the only thing I've ever known. - -I remember the first time I got second place. My mom is a super nice person, to be honest. But that time she told me I wasn't ""trying hard enough"" really hurt me so much. -I also used to be a really moody child. There was a time I overhead my mom say that it would be my fault if she died from stress. It proved even more to me that my only redeeming factor was that my grades were high, i had the personality of a dog turd, i had no talents, i wasnt social . Honestly, I was bad kid... there's really no excuse. I never got violent with people (in fact my siblings were the ones who bullied and teased me, in a very mild way though), just temper tantrums. - -I just wish they sent me to therapy instead of constantly insulting me. I didn't even know how to get better. I didn't know how to control myself from being angry. How could a 6 year old understand that sort of thing? I asked them how I could make it stop. They told me to just stop being mad. - -I don't know why it affected me so badly now, but I feel like the stuff I subconciously ""learned"" back then, I can't really unlearn that easy anymore, even if I don't believe in them anymore. - -I realize I've never really had dreams. I was just going to do what my mom wanted me to do. I'd get a job.... be rich... and just, work and exist, i guess. deep inside I knew I'd never be good enough for that sort of thing. I just engrained it in myself that Im just an average person, maybe even lower, and that whenever someone says im smart theyre just giving me empty praises. - -I wouldn't say that the things that happened to me were extreme, not at all. - -But now here I am, zero motivation to do anything at all. Useless, and more of a burden than ever before. I've been failing for two years. I can't keep up with anyone. I don't understand the basics. I'm always distracted. -Its been two years. I still can't do a damn thing. The only thing I can do is draw. Even then, it takes so much of my time that I can barely do it. I have so many things I want do and learn now, but I guess school is in my way again. This time, I suck at it even harder. Im always distracted.... I cant muster any strength or will to study or answer questions. To make it worse, I may have adhd but i dont want to self dx. Its just that since day 1 people have constantly pointed out my carelessness, my voice with an uncontrollable volume, etc. I cant wake up on alarms. I cant follow routines. I cant follow timers. im really forgetful. Im distracted 24/7, and I dont know how to make it stop. Its horrible. I dont know if im just being lazy and trying to excuse it. I dont know. - -Everytime my mom sees my report card, I can feel her disappointment. I'm scared of even looking at her face. I dont know why shes trying so hard to keep me alive. My parents fought because of me before. My mom is already too tired. I dont want her to waste any more of her energy on me, theres just no point. - - Before the pandemic I was still functioning properly, hell, I even got into the honors list - and there were only a few of us. Now I pass everything late, play games all day and slack off. Incompletes.... failing grades... all of that. - -The first time I remember wanting to... pass away, to say the least, was when I was in first grade. It was a weird memory. I dont know what prompted me, but I gave a paper to my friend and asked her if she'd ever thought of dying. - -I remember thinking id never grow past 20 when I was younger, it was weird, but i could never imagine myself as an adult. Maybe this was why... i thought it was just that i'd pass away because of bad health, or some accident, i never really cared. - -Ive been a burden since day one. Guess I still am. I dont know why I wrote this. I guess I just felt horrible. Thanks for reading, i appreciate it :) (sorry for the messiness, i wrote along as i thought stuff)",1,disclaimer love parent love family lot super spoiled younger glad born family way vent ragging supposed highlight bad people idk main topic vent bc got card like week ago feel horrible planning offing next school year start im planning everything ive wanted never done go bang useful life leave satisfaction still fresh make another mistake truthfully past two year tried multiple time stopped last second struggling bad everyone else feel miserable everyone else become better gotten lazier lazier basically lost anything right child pretty much one kid constantly pressured first place join competition win basically anything many time pressured thing want hand hand really thing liked example thing public speaking basically announcing stuff front crowd already stage fright ended getting worse became overall anxiety humiliated multiple time stage forgetting say stuttering etc knew many people could better matter much disliked guess choice voice became quieter became passive raise hand unless called everytime front people basically shut younger lot extroverted older became smaller confidence fell reached th grade became really paranoid felt worth tied smart even still break away thinking way basically self esteem gutter maybe even hell point difference really care anymore constantly felt need role model felt enjoying thing would make le one rest class bonded went outing etc stuck never went rule abiding thing ever known remember first time got second place mom super nice person honest time told trying hard enough really hurt much also used really moody child time overhead mom say would fault died stress proved even redeeming factor grade high personality dog turd talent wasnt social honestly bad kid really excuse never got violent people fact sibling one bullied teased mild way though temper tantrum wish sent therapy instead constantly insulting even know get better know control angry could year old understand sort thing asked could make stop told stop mad know affected badly feel like stuff subconciously learned back really unlearn easy anymore even believe anymore realize never really dream going mom wanted get job rich work exist guess deep inside knew never good enough sort thing engrained im average person maybe even lower whenever someone say im smart theyre giving empty praise say thing happened extreme zero motivation anything useless burden ever failing two year keep anyone understand basic always distracted two year still damn thing thing draw even take much time barely many thing want learn guess school way time suck even harder im always distracted cant muster strength study answer question make worse may adhd dont want self dx since day people constantly pointed carelessness voice uncontrollable volume etc cant wake alarm cant follow routine cant follow timer im really forgetful im distracted dont know make stop horrible dont know im lazy trying excuse dont know everytime mom see report card feel disappointment scared even looking face dont know shes trying hard keep alive parent fought mom already tired dont want waste energy there point pandemic still functioning properly hell even got honor list u pas everything late play game day slack incompletes failing grade first time remember wanting pas away say least first grade weird memory dont know prompted gave paper friend asked ever thought dying remember thinking id never grow past 0 younger weird could never imagine adult maybe thought pas away bad health accident never really cared ive burden since day one guess still dont know wrote guess felt horrible thanks reading appreciate sorry messiness wrote along thought stuff -"Let me start by saying I am in the same boat as all of you. I wish I could help you all but I can't sadly. - - -About me: When I was 9 something clicked and I started to view the world as a negative place. The realization of not being able to form genuine friendships, My friend dying, and my father not really being there for us. This sent me into a depression which I am still in today. I won't lie I think about suicide quite often but I control myself by distracting myself with other activities instead of letting the thoughts get to me, all they are are thoughts and they have become a coping mechanism. I have gone through a few therapists and psychiatrists too although I stopped my SSRIs and adhd meds when I was 14. I then became quite angry knowing there is no escape, the days blended together, day after day rotting away, I became angry with myself and others and became very angry at others and closed minded. In no way am I telling you to do anything, I was in a funk this winter and a friend of mine happened to have a gel tab of lsd and I asked to buy it. Later that night I took it and hopped on discord with a good friend of mine who also has some of the same stuff going on as me and has done mushrooms so we relate well. It was unexplained, The most beautiful feeling I have ever felt. To explain it for someone who hasn't done psychedelics, its the feeling that you are part of a bigger picture and that every moment has lead up to this. You are loved, I am you and you are me, I am still having a hard time putting it into words. I laughed the hardest I had ever laughed and then realized what life is and started to get in my feelings and cry, I cried for a while and hard too, And then I thought the situation was funny and started laughing again because I know wherever I end up I will make it and that life is such a beautiful thing not to be wasted or taken for granted. I then went on to trip 3 more times on lsd and twice on mushrooms. I am not saying go do psychedelics but for me they have done more than SSRIs ever did for me in the course of a night. The feeling of having a clear place in the universe and being able to question with such a reduced sense of fear is amazing. The feeling of going with the flow and seeing where life takes you is a liberating feeling. We were put here to love one another not kill ourselves and waste potential. Here are my final thoughts, Do your research before doing any psychedelic because if you take SSRIs it could mess you up real bad. Also I truly believe psychedelics are the way of the way of the future, I still have depression yet it is a lot easier to cope with and feel a sense of calmness instead of absolute terror about whatever you are facing. Know that whatever is bringing you down I love you and the universe does too, you were put here to serve as a part of a much bigger picture, just a small piece of a puzzle. Learn to love yourselves and others and peace will come to you in all aspects of life.",1,let start saying boat wish could help sadly 9 something clicked started view world negative place realization able form genuine friendship friend dying father really u sent depression still today lie think suicide quite often control distracting activity instead letting thought get thought become coping mechanism gone therapist psychiatrist although stopped ssri adhd med became quite angry knowing escape day blended together day day rotting away became angry others became angry others closed minded way telling anything funk winter friend mine happened gel tab lsd asked buy later night took hopped discord good friend mine also stuff going done mushroom relate well unexplained beautiful feeling ever felt explain someone done psychedelics feeling part bigger picture every moment lead loved still hard time putting word laughed hardest ever laughed realized life started get feeling cry cried hard thought situation funny started laughing know wherever end make life beautiful thing wasted taken granted went trip time lsd twice mushroom saying go psychedelics done ssri ever course night feeling clear place universe able question reduced sense fear amazing feeling going flow seeing life take liberating feeling put love one another kill waste potential final thought research psychedelic take ssri could mess real bad also truly believe psychedelics way way future still depression yet lot easier cope feel sense calmness instead absolute terror whatever facing know whatever bringing love universe put serve part much bigger picture small piece puzzle learn love others peace come aspect life -"Idk why life is like this - -I put in SO much time and hours into working and working and escaping from fcking situations - -Venezuela economy is SO destroyed that i left to Perú only to treated like a second class person and given a cold shoulder whenever i got into a Job - -I didn't care i keep going and i got myself into collegue working 16hrs/day for months on fish. I literally would go to class with My fishing boots because i wouldnt have time in My shift to chance and right now i'm just sad. - -The pandemic made me loss everything again - -I havent eaten anything in 2 days - -I'm short a 100 bucks on rent - -I still havent graduated - -I have tried - -Nobody wants to hire an inmigrant, nobody wants to Rent his apartment to an inmigrant. Even this place i'm renting rn is more expensive for the mere fact that i was not born here - -I just want rest, some Freedom - -Not waking up and be uncertain if i'm gonna have food that day or not - -I'm feeling relaxed, if i actually think about it my mom would be the only person sad about it, which is the only reason i still havent done it - -I'm literally right here with a blade on a hand just thinking about My mom and damn does it hurt",1,idk life like put much time hour working working escaping fcking situation venezuela economy destroyed left per treated like second class person given cold shoulder whenever got job care keep going got collegue working hr day month fish literally would go class fishing boot wouldnt time shift chance right sad pandemic made loss everything havent eaten anything day short 00 buck rent still havent graduated tried nobody want hire inmigrant nobody want rent apartment inmigrant even place renting rn expensive mere fact born want rest freedom waking uncertain gon na food day feeling relaxed actually think mom would person sad reason still havent done literally right blade hand thinking mom damn hurt -"My plan to have my eternal rest is starting to de-rail starting today, its frustrating that it is starting to de-rail this late in the plan. However, I guess nothing goes according to the plan, even my back-up plans are starting to de-rail too. I just want to have my eternal rest, but why is the world too unfair that I feel like it keeps saying that I should suffer more than what I have experienced.",1,plan eternal rest starting de rail starting today frustrating starting de rail late plan however guess nothing go according plan even back plan starting de rail want eternal rest world unfair feel like keep saying suffer experienced -,1,nan -"It's been over two years since I had a real suicidal drive and made a plan to kill myself. - -It is coming back. I file like at the drop of a hat, the most important person in my life, my great and sweet girlfriend, might not care about me anymore. - -She knows she has to go to therapy to manage her strong emotions, and to sort out many things inside of her, but every time we're close to getting help she backs down. It's been really hard on me. - -I feel really worthless, I feel like the only way to help is to stop being a nuisance. The feeling of dread and misery is returning, and it's tough. - -I know this is fucking stupid and minor, anyone active here and reading this probably has real problems, and maybe I should go vent somewhere else. But I'm just scared that the thoughts are coming back, that those scary dark thoughts are actually back in my head.",1,two year since real suicidal drive made plan kill coming back file like drop hat important person life great sweet girlfriend might care anymore know go therapy manage strong emotion sort many thing inside every time close getting help back really hard feel really worthless feel like way help stop nuisance feeling dread misery returning tough know fucking stupid minor anyone active reading probably real problem maybe go vent somewhere else scared thought coming back scary dark thought actually back head -"5 people in the past 3 days have told me I’m not doing enough, I’m not good enough. I’m trying my best. If my best is causing me so much stress and pain, what’s the point of living. I’m nothing after all. Therapy doesn’t help because I’m far too socially anxious for it, and I can’t get medication BECAUSE I can’t go to therapy. Every reliever or thing that makes me happy either doesn’t anymore or I don’t have time for. I can’t fucking doing it anymore",1,people past day told enough good enough trying best best causing much stress pain point living nothing therapy help far socially anxious get medication go therapy every reliever thing make happy either anymore time fucking anymore -"Put aside the weightless platitudes that everyone says when someone mentions suicide. I want to know why me considering suicide as a genuine solution is so wrong. Why wouldn't I want a solution garunteed to work? - -Would you rather me live a long, miserable life, or have me logically decide that I've had enough and have no more use here? - -Help me understand the logic. What is so wrong about it? - -This a question that has continually plagued me so I would appreciate answers.",1,put aside weightless platitude everyone say someone mention suicide want know considering suicide genuine solution wrong want solution garunteed work would rather live long miserable life logically decide enough use help understand logic wrong question continually plagued would appreciate answer -"I've thought of ending my life so many times but I never end up doing it. I just wish there was a peaceful purposeful way to go out that would be a benefit to others, but I suppose life isn't that kind. So the next best thing is to donate a body to science right? Or I hope so. Ive been thinking that it would benefit my mother with financial trouble. She said I'm just getting in the way so I think insurance should give her some money. I think right now that's my only plausible solution. But I just am too chicken.",1,thought ending life many time never end wish peaceful purposeful way go would benefit others suppose life kind next best thing donate body science right hope ive thinking would benefit mother financial trouble said getting way think insurance give money think right plausible solution chicken -"Recently me and my boyfriend had issues that have been accumulating come to a head. For a week I wasn't sure if he was going to leave because of them, and for a week I tried to decide what I was going to do if he did. Everything is fine now, thankfully, we talked and we're working on our issues: the main one being that he needs my help to open up emotionally so he doesn't bottle them up. The reason his flight instinct kicked in and he almost broke it off was because I had stopped checking in on him and thus he thought that meant I didn't want to know (I know this sounds odd, but this is what he told me.) In actuality I did want to know, we just got to the point that I thought he'd just tell me, I was wrong. - -This is going exactly the way you think it is. During that week, I decided that if he left me, I was going to end my life. At the time I didn't know that him bottling things up was the reason, he was talking about a lot of other things, namely my increased anxiety and me not coping well with it on my own. He said I was overloading him, which I understand. He also said that I seemed more angry with him over time and more anxious, and that that made him feel badly about himself. I didn't know any of this, I thought he would tell me. I've had a traumatic life, spent years feeling unloved by my family, lived in a home where I was unwelcome, accumulated five mental disorders, and last year was committed for suicidality. I spend the majority of my time trying to be as good of a person as I possibly can, and I was doing that with him as well. And I failed, obviously. I came to the conclusion that if he decided that the issues we had were too fundamental to who I am and therefore unfixable, that he was probably right. I spent the last few days of that week planning my death, decidng what my notes would look like (of which there would be many, one for each member of my family), and for the first time, actually wanted to die. When I was committed before I was delusional, I didn't want to die, I thought that I had to, to end the suffering. This time I just didn't want to go on. I figured I had given it my best shot, and now the only way I could be of any use was to leave my loved ones alone and write them letters to soothe their grief. And I knew some would be sad, some would be angry, but I just couldn't do it anymore. And now.. he's saying these issues are fixable. That he loves me and wants to stay. That he still sees good in me. But now I feel.. confused. I was expecting to die this week, I expected him to end it today or over the weekend, and that didn't happen. - -Emotionally I am a wreck and neither he nor anyone else knows. I didn't tell him because I didn't want that to affect his decision, and I would rather cut off my arm then manipulate people I love. I won't tell him now either. If he ever does decide to leave he needs to feel free to do so. And now I just.. I've discovered how dependent I am on others to give me value. I simply don't believe that everyone has value, some people (namely rapists, serial killers, people who hurt people over and over with no remorse, etc) don't. And thus that means that to keep myself from being hypocritical I have to apply my belief system to myself as well. In the past I told myself that I am simply too unwell to make that decision objectively, but now that feels like running away from the question. - -I am just.. reconciling. This relationship is inherently unstable because me and him are both highschoolers, and I have enough illnesses to mark me insane. I've realized that I won't be able to handle loosing him because I think he is such a great human being and he's treated me so well. If we ever split I'll know it was my fault. And apparently that means more to me than I thought. - -No one in my life can know this happened. Specifically because I recently went off of my anxiety medication and they'll say thats why this happened: this doesn't make sense because when I was commited last year I was taking the medication and that didn't prevent me from being suicidal, and because the side effects of the medication made my life significantly worse and harder, so I doubt going back on it would really help. I will not discuss why, because it is horribly embarrassing and feels dehumanizing, and I don't want anyone's opinion. - -I just want to know, how do I move on? All it took was a week for those thoughts to become instinct again, and they're still following me. Typically I move on quickly, partly because of my dissociative disorder, and it'd only take a day or two to forget. But this isn't dissapearing. I've damaged my psyche, and I don't know what to do about it. I can't talk to a therapist, in my experience they don't actually know how to help you move on from a period of suicidality, they only know how to keep you from doing it. I think CBT (the therapy not the drug) could help honestly, but I doubt seriously I could find a therapist who doesn't think suicidal thoughts disappear after you're commited; at least thats how they treated it at the psych ward, they act like your thoughts should be gone in a week. Last time I opened up about this I felt like I was being punished, by my family and by my doctors. Actually I'm still being punished, at least by my family. Everyone has an opinion about your suicidality, and everyone makes it about themselves. I just mean to say, opening up isn't an option, I don't need further punishment or have people angrier with me than they were before. How can I, in my own time and on my own terms, move foward? I know there's a way, especially since I'm motivated---though my heart is probably in the wrong place, because my reason for being motivated is so that it doesn't affect my boyfriend. And I feel I should specify, I don't mean how can I tackle the root, I can actually do that in therapy without risking hospitalization, I just mean as of now, how can I wrangle myself together and keep moving?",1,recently boyfriend issue accumulating come head week sure going leave week tried decide going everything fine thankfully talked working issue main one need help open emotionally bottle reason flight instinct kicked almost broke stopped checking thus thought meant want know know sound odd told actuality want know got point thought tell wrong going exactly way think week decided left going end life time know bottling thing reason talking lot thing namely increased anxiety coping well said overloading understand also said seemed angry time anxious made feel badly know thought would tell traumatic life spent year feeling unloved family lived home unwelcome accumulated five mental disorder last year committed suicidality spend majority time trying good person possibly well failed obviously came conclusion decided issue fundamental therefore unfixable probably right spent last day week planning death decidng note would look like would many one member family first time actually wanted die committed delusional want die thought end suffering time want go figured given best shot way could use leave loved one alone write letter soothe grief knew would sad would angry anymore saying issue fixable love want stay still see good feel confused expecting die week expected end today weekend happen emotionally wreck neither anyone else know tell want affect decision would rather cut arm manipulate people love tell either ever decide leave need feel free discovered dependent others give value simply believe everyone value people namely rapist serial killer people hurt people remorse etc thus mean keep hypocritical apply belief system well past told simply unwell make decision objectively feel like running away question reconciling relationship inherently unstable highschoolers enough illness mark insane realized able handle loosing think great human treated well ever split know fault apparently mean thought one life know happened specifically recently went anxiety medication say thats happened make sense commited last year taking medication prevent suicidal side effect medication made life significantly worse harder doubt going back would really help discus horribly embarrassing feel dehumanizing want anyone opinion want know move took week thought become instinct still following typically move quickly partly dissociative disorder take day two forget dissapearing damaged psyche know talk therapist experience actually know help move period suicidality know keep think cbt therapy drug could help honestly doubt seriously could find therapist think suicidal thought disappear commited least thats treated psych ward act like thought gone week last time opened felt like punished family doctor actually still punished least family everyone opinion suicidality everyone make mean say opening option need punishment people angrier time term move foward know way especially since motivated though heart probably wrong place reason motivated affect boyfriend feel specify mean tackle root actually therapy without risking hospitalization mean wrangle together keep moving -"Im a 22 y/o male child sex abuse victim. I was molested by an uncle at pre school age along with my younger brother. This disgusting trauma has cast a shadow over my entire life, and now that Im in a period of increasing loneliness and hopelessness I think Im just gonna leave. - -I have so many social difficulties from this, so many things are 10x harder for me for so many reasons. It has basically destroyed my ability to feel any worth in myself, to feel like I deserve anything. On top of this I deal with persistent chronic pain. - -Im seriously drowning. Lost everyone who made me happy. And the focus in my life is never on me, always a second thought to even my own parents. - -My grandpa keeps a 12 gauge in his closet that Im going to use to splatter my head later.",1,im male child sex abuse victim molested uncle pre school age along younger brother disgusting trauma cast shadow entire life im period increasing loneliness hopelessness think im gon na leave many social difficulty many thing 0x harder many reason basically destroyed ability feel worth feel like deserve anything top deal persistent chronic pain im seriously drowning lost everyone made happy focus life never always second thought even parent grandpa keep gauge closet im going use splatter head later -"Hello, I hope you are having a good day. I have been suicidal for the last 3, 4 years at least (I am 19 male, idk if that matters) and I never told anyone about it because well... I am too shy. Today, I built enough strentgh to be able to open up about my suicidal thoughts to my mother just to feel absolutely destroyed by her reaction. - -She immedately asked if I am autistic (no joke) and didnt stop saying that I was telling her this to threaten her or make her feel guilty? I was very confused when I heard that, and she still continued, doubting my academic performance even though I told her many times I am still doing well in my studies. Then finally she somehow ended up beating me up out of rage telling me that I am lazy, that I dont help at home, that I dont pay the bills, that I dont get the highest grades, making feel me like I am burden to everyone. Well, I guess that must be true, right? - -I am worthless so I should disappear soon. Trust me, I want to die, really badly, but I get slapped by reality and I realize how weak I am when I try killing myself. - -I am sorry for being such a disappointment to everyone. I am truly sorry.",1,hello hope good day suicidal last year least 9 male idk matter never told anyone well shy today built enough strentgh able open suicidal thought mother feel absolutely destroyed reaction immedately asked autistic joke didnt stop saying telling threaten make feel guilty confused heard still continued doubting academic performance even though told many time still well study finally somehow ended beating rage telling lazy dont help home dont pay bill dont get highest grade making feel like burden everyone well guess must true right worthless disappear soon trust want die really badly get slapped reality realize weak try killing sorry disappointment everyone truly sorry -"I’ve tried therapy I’ve tried medications. I know I’m trying. I quit nicotine I ate better and exercised. I don’t know what to do. - -It’s tiring living like this and having to do it alone. I don’t drink anymore and still feel the same. I’m too embarrassed to reach out I wasn’t raised in a mental health conscious family. I keep flaking on friends but it’s because I’m so tired. Man - -I don’t know what to do I don’t need anyones help, I promise I’m not a nice person who deserves it. I don’t know what to do anymore. Im just exhausted.",1,tried therapy tried medication know trying quit nicotine ate better exercised know tiring living like alone drink anymore still feel embarrassed reach raised mental health conscious family keep flaking friend tired man know need anyones help promise nice person deserves know anymore im exhausted -Why do people have to care about me. Im only alive because of my parents and some friends because they would be sad if I died. Life is bullshit,1,people care im alive parent friend would sad died life bullshit -"content warning: od, throwing up - -hi, this is just a vent ig, but like last night i really felt like taking an overdose, but i decided not to, so that i didn’t have to throw up, cause that happened and i hate it and i don’t want to throw up and then die like that would be awful. - -BUT today i woke up at like three or four am and puked all over the floor, and now i’m just thinking that me avoiding taking those pills didn’t work out like hoped🙃 like i still threw up but i’m not even dying",1,content warning od throwing hi vent ig like last night really felt like taking overdose decided throw cause happened hate want throw die like would awful today woke like three four puked floor thinking avoiding taking pill work like hoped like still threw even dying -"Long story short I was miserable at parents, moved out for a year. Happiest time of my life! Still sometimes I found myself sad,crying, and still miserable. - -Had to move back in .. been 6 months .. hate it here. I’m starting to think it’s just me, no matter what I do I still find myself sad & wondering why I exist. Usually keep myself extra busy but any downtime I have, I’ll have these same thoughts. - -What makes you keep going? Why do you decide to get out of bed every morning? what is the literal point of your existence?",1,long story short miserable parent moved year happiest time life still sometimes found sad cry still miserable move back month hate starting think matter still find sad amp wondering exist usually keep extra busy downtime thought make keep going decide get bed every morning literal point existence -"I don’t see why suicide is selfish in my case. If i killed myself to make other people’s lives better, I don’t think that should be considered as selfish. But, Im called selfish for wanting to kill myself. I don’t get it. Im a fuck up if I’m alive and I’m a fuck up if I want to kill myself. I don’t know what to do anymore.",1,see suicide selfish case killed make people life better think considered selfish im called selfish wanting kill get im fuck alive fuck want kill know anymore -"as the title says i can't be bothered with life anymore, its taking me so long to even go to a bridge and jump off, i just wanna die already. got no friends, family dont give a crap & i always get left behind when it comes to meeting people so why not end it all and be done with this pain",1,title say bothered life anymore taking long even go bridge jump wan na die already got friend family dont give crap amp always get left behind come meeting people end done pain -"I need some help badly. I suffer too much. My depression has gone from a depression I was able to function on. I was a everyday gym user, ate well, slept well, grades were alright. Now my depression is horrific. I tried the gym the other day and saw myself in the mirror and wanted to pick up a weight and smash my head in. I don’t eat. I don’t sleep .I’ve lost weight badly. my hair is always ridiculed, Someone always goes out of there way to speak to me or about me. LEAVE ME ALONE. I would bet money if you ask my couple of friends and my family. Does he have depression? They would say “no way” “he’s happy”. I’m dying inside. Suicidal thoughts used to be a comforting thing for me. Whenever something bad happened i said “i won’t be here so it won’t matter” . Now it’s getting to the point where it seems like my only solution. I’m such a gentle great soul. Why does my brain treat me like a piece of dirt? why does my brain force me to thrive to look “perfect”? . I’ve resorted to self harm. I’ve done it twice a month or two ago and it felt great. I cut up my thighs. badly I’ve tried to not make that a habit tho. I’m just a 17 year old kid. How tf am i giving up already on life? My beautiful parents and family and pets and I choose to be a disgusting loser. I wish i didn’t have such a amazing family so i didn’t feel guilty. I know this is long and i know people won’t read this on a stupid reddit page but I had to vent. - -My main reasons for depression are - -Body dysmorphia (worst part and most crippling) - -Lack of social life - -Fear of driving while everyone else does - -Lack of aspirations - -don’t know what i’m doing for college - -don’t have a career choice. - -lack of attention from opposite sex ( least painful one but it definitely hurts badly) - -I’ve never told a single person about depression. Can someone save my life?",1,need help badly suffer much depression gone depression able function everyday gym user ate well slept well grade alright depression horrific tried gym day saw mirror wanted pick weight smash head eat sleep lost weight badly hair always ridiculed someone always go way speak leave alone would bet money ask couple friend family depression would say way happy dying inside suicidal thought used comforting thing whenever something bad happened said matter getting point seems like solution gentle great soul brain treat like piece dirt brain force thrive look perfect resorted self harm done twice month two ago felt great cut thigh badly tried make habit tho year old kid tf giving already life beautiful parent family pet choose disgusting loser wish amazing family feel guilty know long know people read stupid reddit page vent main reason depression body dysmorphia worst part crippling lack social life fear driving everyone else lack aspiration know college career choice lack attention opposite sex least painful one definitely hurt badly never told single person depression someone save life -"Hey, tbh I don’t know who to ask 😅 - -I tried unalive myself by hanging. (Un)fortunately they rescued me. I don’t have any medical complications but! - -I have something I can describe as bloody eyes. Like the parts of my eyes that supposed to be white are partially cover (?) with blood. I’m wondering does anyone had something like that? I love my half-dead look, but I’m curious when my eyes will get back to normal.",1,hey tbh know ask tried unalive hanging un fortunately rescued medical complication something describe bloody eye like part eye supposed white partially cover blood wondering anyone something like love half dead look curious eye get back normal -"I have always hated myself and have attempted suicide several times. For the past 13 years since my last attempt, what had kept me going has been focusing on changing myself to become someone I can stand. As long as changing and improving myself felt possible, death didn't seem like the only answer to escape who I am. - -Despite COVID, I have liked myself more in the past 2 years than ever before, because I felt like I was actually making progress on becoming a good person in therapy, so it felt even more do-able. Then, four weeks ago, my therapist told me that, all this time, therapy hasn't been working. He reduced the amount of therapy I receive per week, because I was relying on it too much to enact the changes. - -It was immediately clear after the change that he was right. I'm the exact same piece of shit I've always been, I was just able to be better because of his help. As soon as it was removed, I went right back to how I was before. I feel so foolish, humiliated and defeated. - -I feel like I've been in the desert racing desperately towards an oasis for the past two years only to discover it was just a mirage all along. Death really is the only way to escape being who I am.",1,always hated attempted suicide several time past year since last attempt kept going focusing changing become someone stand long changing improving felt possible death seem like answer escape despite covid liked past year ever felt like actually making progress becoming good person therapy felt even able four week ago therapist told time therapy working reduced amount therapy receive per week relying much enact change immediately clear change right exact piece shit always able better help soon removed went right back feel foolish humiliated defeated feel like desert racing desperately towards oasis past two year discover mirage along death really way escape -"People dying in the streets, everyone is so isolated, possibility of nuclear war, the list goes on and on and on. I already have shitty mental health, and I don't think I can handle the pressure of the modern world much longer. - -Inb4 ""this is the best time to be alive hurrdurr"" - -No, it's not. I just want to live like a human is supposed to. Live in a small tribe in which we all care for each other, spend all day everyday with other people, be a part of a community. Our society has completely removed us from the joys of being a human. I feel like I'm in a spaceship in the middle of deep space with no hope for any human connection.",1,people dying street everyone isolated possibility nuclear war list go already shitty mental health think handle pressure modern world much longer inb best time alive hurrdurr want live like human supposed live small tribe care spend day everyday people part community society completely removed u joy human feel like spaceship middle deep space hope human connection -"Today I pretended I was okay to my mom so she would continue to let me stay in her house. I choked down food so it looked like I had an appetite and told her I would go draw so I could be myself alone. I can't even draw anymore anyways. I saw this as ""fake it til you make it"" I've been told it's actually that I'm not putting any effort in and using people, so I guess I'll sleep as long as the people around me will let me then, hoping I never wake up",1,today pretended okay mom would continue let stay house choked food looked like appetite told would go draw could alone even draw anymore anyways saw fake til make told actually putting effort using people guess sleep long people around let hoping never wake -"My friend who's always been like a motherly figure to me and I've always looked up to her has been mentally struggling for ever since I've known her. Mental facilities in where she lives are actual hell. She tried to off herself a couple of times but didn't. This time I'm afraid that she'll do it because she's getting worse every day and I feel so helpless because words can't touch her anymore and that's all I can do. She said that she feels worthless and life doesn't have meaning to it and that she thinks no one wants her in their lives and she doesn't know right from wrong, good from evil and reality from illusions. She's tired and the only thing she can think of is doing herself justice by ending her life to shut the voices in her head. -It broke my heart reading what she said and I couldn't translate it all. -I want her to find peace. I just want the best for her. I wish I'm more brave to show her how beautiful life can be but even I can't see it so is there a point in trying? I wish I could do more I wish I was helpful I wish I can show her that she's not alone in this and that I love her. I hate myself for even thinking that it's the best thing for her because then she'll be free. she can finally rest in peace. Even though it hurts but I don't want her to suffer more than she already has. I want her to reach the peace she's been looking for. I feel so selfish if I tried to stop her. What should i do?",1,friend always like motherly figure always looked mentally struggling ever since known mental facility life actual hell tried couple time time afraid getting worse every day feel helpless word touch anymore said feel worthless life meaning think one want life know right wrong good evil reality illusion tired thing think justice ending life shut voice head broke heart reading said translate want find peace want best wish brave show beautiful life even see point trying wish could wish helpful wish show alone love hate even thinking best thing free finally rest peace even though hurt want suffer already want reach peace looking feel selfish tried stop -,1,nan -,1,nan -"I’m 21 years old, live by myself and I’m losing my marbles. I was with a girl for two years up (living together for 2) until a week before my birthday when she dumped me cut me off and told me how horrible I am. I’ll admit I’ve been controlling. I had caught and been told about her having an affair with a coworker halfway through and still forgave her. Around New Years she told me she is pregnant. With my child. I’m pretty positive it’s mine but now I’m hoping it’s not. Im off the deep end I think horrible thoughts all day as i mindlessly build doors for 10 hours I imagine just ending it after work and how things are going to be so much better when I do it. Im broke with bills, I’m court ordered therapy and today was my 90 compliance order time now I get violated. I don’t want help I want to die. I’m just scared what’s it’s going to do to my fragile parents. I’m a psychopath I’m adopted I don’t even know who made me i was never even supposed to be here I don’t think anyone will reads these but I need to say it somewhere and I DONT WANT HELP. I can’t change my mind anymore I wasn’t made for this bullshit. I’ll do more harm to others if I don’t end myself before. Pray for my daughter. Pray for my parents. I can’t do this shit anymore.",1,year old live losing marble girl two year living together week birthday dumped cut told horrible admit controlling caught told affair coworker halfway still forgave around new year told pregnant child pretty positive mine hoping im deep end think horrible thought day mindlessly build door 0 hour imagine ending work thing going much better im broke bill court ordered therapy today 90 compliance order time get violated want help want die scared going fragile parent psychopath adopted even know made never even supposed think anyone read need say somewhere dont want help change mind anymore made bullshit harm others end pray daughter pray parent shit anymore -"Nothing left, bye guys. Hope life gives you what you want. Because it didn’t for me",1,nothing left bye guy hope life give want -I just want to either take all my pills or jump off a bridge and be done with it. People I thought cared at me don’t and the one person I know cares about me and wants to be my friend doesn’t respect me as a person with feelings. He hurt me. He knows how his new relationship has affected me and now his won’t stop behaving like a horny teenager in public as a man in his mid 20s. I just want to be respected. I looked up to him. And it’s all crumbling down in front of me. I can’t be friends with him anymore and I can’t live with that. I just want to be done with this pathetic life. I just had to cut my parents off for the second time in undergrad and have nobody. I’m useless and behind on so much. I have so many obligations but I can’t find the strength to do any of them. All my peers hate me for being upset. How dare I be upset when I see the person I like make out with their significant other on the floor and won’t keep their hands off each other. And I can’t do anything about it. If I say anything I’ll lose everyone. I’m trapped. I fucking hate myself for getting close to him and wish he just left town when he graduated so I never got to know him at all.,1,want either take pill jump bridge done people thought cared one person know care want friend respect person feeling hurt know new relationship affected stop behaving like horny teenager public man mid 0 want respected looked crumbling front friend anymore live want done pathetic life cut parent second time undergrad nobody useless behind much many obligation find strength peer hate upset dare upset see person like make significant floor keep hand anything say anything lose everyone trapped fucking hate getting close wish left town graduated never got know -"I'm 17f. I've been bullied throughout my entire school career. I was always the gifted kid until I was about 12 and started to feel the burn out but I persisted with the gifted classes and now I'm absolutely burnt out. I was always the friend that everyone went to when they needed something but nobody was ever available when I needed help. I've always lived for others and never lived for myself and I'm tired of it. I don't even know what I want in life anymore, I'm always shut down for my ideas. I was molested by a family member for 3 years from the ages 7-10 and since then have been raped 5 times, each a separate occasion and person. I've made multiple attempts on my life in the past and used to self harm(I've been clean for a little over a year, but the urges are so strong). My most recent attempt was in August 2021, and was an overdose on metoprolol. It was about 3am and I was otp with a friend and told him that I wanted to die, he told me ""if you're at peace with that decision then you do what you think is best for you. I however don't think that you should do it, but I know I can't stop you"" and I proceeded to down 2 bottles of metoprolol. I waited about 45 minutes until I could finally feel everything shutting down, and woke my younger brother up and told him what I did. He called 911 and woke my parents and younger sister up. My younger brother watched as the paramedics put me in the ambulance and had to watch me flatline as they were flooding my body with meds to keep me awake. I got to the hospital and my mom didn't even bother to show up for another 2 hours. She stayed with me for a while before she had to go to work and then my dad, who abused me my entire life, stayed with me and did nothing but complain about me and say that I was nothing but a coward who wanted to take the easy way out. My dad got into it with hospital staff bc he had to leave and nobody could stay with me so I had to leave against medical advice. One of my older brothers made the 4 hour drive in 2 hours to come down and make sure that I was safe after my younger brother called him and told him what happened. I was put into a outpatient program afterwards and it helped a lot for a while but after about a month of being out of it I wanted to die again. Since then I lost one of my older brothers and it's been difficult to deal with that and my own problems internally. I've never wanted to kill myself more than I do now. I have a plan and everything, I was aiming for my 18th bday but that's too far from now. I just want to give up. I'm exhausted.",1,f bullied throughout entire school career always gifted kid started feel burn persisted gifted class absolutely burnt always friend everyone went needed something nobody ever available needed help always lived others never lived tired even know want life anymore always shut idea molested family member year age 0 since raped time separate occasion person made multiple attempt life past used self harm clean little year urge strong recent attempt august 0 overdose metoprolol otp friend told wanted die told peace decision think best however think know stop proceeded bottle metoprolol waited minute could finally feel everything shutting woke younger brother told called 9 woke parent younger sister younger brother watched paramedic put ambulance watch flatline flooding body med keep awake got hospital mom even bother show another hour stayed go work dad abused entire life stayed nothing complain say nothing coward wanted take easy way dad got hospital staff bc leave nobody could stay leave medical advice one older brother made hour drive hour come make sure safe younger brother called told happened put outpatient program afterwards helped lot month wanted die since lost one older brother difficult deal problem internally never wanted kill plan everything aiming th bday far want give exhausted -"I get into arguments with my mum almost everyday and the reason is because of me. I don't intend to start a fight but I always some how manage to. My mum has no tolerance for stress and that's why she is so sensitive to arguments because she has been through a lot from me and my dad. I hate to admit but I don't like to be around my family, my younger sister doesn't even like to live in the same house as me because of my toxic behaviour and inability to communicate properly. I never wanted to hurt anyone but now I've become a thorn hurting more and more and I have seen my decline over time with how much more severe things have been in home. My mum has been damaged so much by stress that she is forced to stay in bed for the rest of the day if an argument unfolds and it wont be long until she has a heart attack from stress unless something changes. When I go out with friend(s) once a month or so, I'm quiet and there is never any trouble caused and I'm able to have a break from reality for a few hours until I go home and face stress again. Home drives me insane and I hate it because I'm around people I can't get along with but I never wanted it to be this way but I made it like this. My only peace is when im asleep, alone or outside with mates and thats not enough to keep me going. Over the past year I have changed so much and I don't know what to do anymore. I have become emotionless and hollow, building up all my pain and sadness inside and not showing anyone except some friends, but only the tip of the iceberg. I never wanted to be the bad guy but I end up being one because of a mistake I make. I myself can't handle stress either so I might not even finish school yet reach college. It doesn't help either that I don't want to go to college so my mum will kick me out of the house to go live with my dad who has been severely affected mentally by drugs and is deranged. My mum says I'm exactly like my dad and he is a horrible person. I don't know what there is to live for in life, I'm hurting everyone around me and who knows how long it will be till my friends cut me from their lives. Depression is horrible and I will never wish it upon anyone because it is like a wound that re-opens deeper and deeper everytime its close to being healed. I hate life and hate myself, I don't enjoy anything and hate school so where will I end up if I ""survive"" school. I don't know and it scares me because time is ticking faster than I want it to. I am going to commit suicide in the end whenever that time arrives, I have sealed my faith and can't undo my bad. The tunnel is getting darker for me and worse is to come, I waited long enough for a sign to keep going but I never received one. I'm a burden on my family and a selfish soul that does not deserve to exist. Only I can save myself but I gave up a long time ago. How do I even find a reason at the lowest point in my life? - -If anyone reads this, thanks for taking a moment out of your day to hear my pain.",1,get argument mum almost everyday reason intend start fight always manage mum tolerance stress sensitive argument lot dad hate admit like around family younger sister even like live house toxic behaviour inability communicate properly never wanted hurt anyone become thorn hurting seen decline time much severe thing home mum damaged much stress forced stay bed rest day argument unfolds wont long heart attack stress unless something change go friend month quiet never trouble caused able break reality hour go home face stress home drive insane hate around people get along never wanted way made like peace im asleep alone outside mate thats enough keep going past year changed much know anymore become emotionless hollow building pain sadness inside showing anyone except friend tip iceberg never wanted bad guy end one mistake make handle stress either might even finish school yet reach college help either want go college mum kick house go live dad severely affected mentally drug deranged mum say exactly like dad horrible person know live life hurting everyone around know long till friend cut life depression horrible never wish upon anyone like wound open deeper deeper everytime close healed hate life hate enjoy anything hate school end survive school know scare time ticking faster want going commit suicide end whenever time arrives sealed faith undo bad tunnel getting darker worse come waited long enough sign keep going never received one burden family selfish soul deserve exist save gave long time ago even find reason lowest point life anyone read thanks taking moment day hear pain -I’m leaving tonight. I can’t keep doing this. I’m sorry.,1,leaving tonight keep sorry -"I got so used to the happiness. I thought everything finally made sense and i had a future. I was and am convinced this man, who has hurt me in so many ways, is my soulmate. Now four months after a blindsiding breakup he's with someone else and every day I breakdown and think about killing myself. I never thought id be like this over some guy but there it is. ive tried meds and therapy and everything youre supposed to do but i cant eat, i cant sleep when all i dream about is him, and i cant function or get a real job or anything. i hate myself for being so weak and pathetic. i dont know how to do this anymore.",1,got used happiness thought everything finally made sense future convinced man hurt many way soulmate four month blindsiding breakup someone else every day breakdown think killing never thought id like guy ive tried med therapy everything youre supposed cant eat cant sleep dream cant function get real job anything hate weak pathetic dont know anymore -"I'm writing this in hopes I get a sign. But it's been 2 years already and no signs of life getting better. My mom hates me, she already told me that. My family doesn't give a shit about me and my friends... they also don't. - -I've been trying to get a job, I was just fired from a job where I was happy, learning, and getting good pay. They just sent me an email saying they no longer need me, no feedback except for ""you are great but not what we need"". - -I have tremendous stress, as I have to help pay rent. I don't want to be a burden anymore, I really tried, but I'm not getting anywhere.",1,writing hope get sign year already sign life getting better mom hate already told family give shit friend also trying get job fired job happy learning getting good pay sent email saying longer need feedback except great need tremendous stress help pay rent want burden anymore really tried getting anywhere -"How does suicide really feel for your loved ones? My friend told me that it would probably be pretty painful and sad, but I'm wondering if people even care.",1,suicide really feel loved one friend told would probably pretty painful sad wondering people even care -"I feel at peace but I can't stop crying. I'm done with life. I will no longer be a noose-ance anymore. I guess part of me wishes someone would stop me still. I don't know. I'm done. - -Edit: It is now the next day. I'm still thinking about killing myself but it's way less intense now. More of a thought than a plan and intent. I don't know. It's been rough. It's hard to see a way out of it but I know that inaction isn't going to help me get over it. - -Man, I wish life was less difficult but it really feels like I'm learning everything from the ground up. I know for sure that there are many people who are going through similar situations/experiences as I am but due to the nature of it, nobody dares to talk about it. I do however think that my experiences are universal therefore survivable. IDK. I just wish it didn't have to be that way but I need to accept it.",1,feel peace stop cry done life longer noose ance anymore guess part wish someone would stop still know done edit next day still thinking killing way le intense thought plan intent know rough hard see way know inaction going help get man wish life le difficult really feel like learning everything ground know sure many people going similar situation experience due nature nobody dare talk however think experience universal therefore survivable idk wish way need accept -"The people that SH, why do you do it? - -I've gotten this question a couple times. Since a couple years I'm self-harming almost daily. I do it for three reasons. -1. Comfort -Seeing myself bleed physically is for some reason comforting to me. My question to you, do you see yourself in that too? -2. Distraction -It's is a quick temporary conversion from emotional pain to physical pain, relieving my mind and thoughts for a quick moment. -3. Shame -The third reason is more of a response to the most asked question. Aren't you afraid people will see your wounds/scars? And the answer is no. People won't get to see it anyway. It's on my torso, legs and shoulder. I never am in situations where those body parts are exposed. It's as simple as that.",1,people sh gotten question couple time since couple year self harming almost daily three reason comfort seeing bleed physically reason comforting question see distraction quick temporary conversion emotional pain physical pain relieving mind thought quick moment shame third reason response asked question afraid people see wound scar answer people get see anyway torso leg shoulder never situation body part exposed simple -I can't handle people talking to me however they want anymore. Im over it. Fuck it.,1,handle people talking however want anymore im fuck -Not handling the loss of my father. Barely making it day to day. I’m in so much pain. I don’t think I can make it much longer.,1,handling loss father barely making day day much pain think make much longer -"was recently hit with a major wave of depression and memories. i cant seem to get it out of my head, and the thought of ODing sounds so enticing to me right now. Years of religious indoctrination is the only thing holding me back. is there any way i can quickly overcome this fear of burning for eternity so i can just rest peacefully in the void",1,recently hit major wave depression memory cant seem get head thought oding sound enticing right year religious indoctrination thing holding back way quickly overcome fear burning eternity rest peacefully void -"It's ironic and funny even that when I'm feeling so angry and alone, and after every professional that I've seen said there's always people who'll listen to your problems the one time I try to actually reach out to them they never answered",1,ironic funny even feeling angry alone every professional seen said always people listen problem one time try actually reach never answered -"I don’t get it. - -I’ve know I have a future, I know have a route, but I don’t see the point anymore. - -No matter what I do it’s never enough for the people around me; family, friends, even myself. No matter what I do I feel like I’m always doing it wrong. - -I have severe social anxiety and I’m too scared to reach out to anyone close to me. I know they’ll just turn their backs like they always do. - -Everyday I have to put on a mask and pretend like everything is okay. I don’t want to put it on anymore. I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me, I don’t want to cause that stress in anyone but myself. - -My mind is so fucked up that I don’t even know what’s wrong with me anymore, all I know is that something is. - -I’ve kept all my emotions bottled up for years. I’m too numb to feel anything anymore. I can’t remember the last time I felt legitimate happiness. The only things I feel at this point are physical, besides stress, shame, and a crippling caffeine addiction; it’s so bad that I’m taking at least 1000mg a day at this point. - -At this point I just have a bottle of mixed medication at my bedside that I stare at every night, and each day I feel myself moving closer to downing them all. - -This is my last call. I don’t know what else to do.",1,get know future know route see point anymore matter never enough people around family friend even matter feel like always wrong severe social anxiety scared reach anyone close know turn back like always everyday put mask pretend like everything okay want put anymore want anyone feel sorry want cause stress anyone mind fucked even know wrong anymore know something kept emotion bottled year numb feel anything anymore remember last time felt legitimate happiness thing feel point physical besides stress shame crippling caffeine addiction bad taking least 000mg day point point bottle mixed medication bedside stare every night day feel moving closer downing last call know else -Im still in school and I get bullied I Dont have friends and I get Beatun up Almost Every day and I get sick a lot like fainting alot and im just sick of it so here I Am asking for help so Will someone please just help me.,1,im still school get bullied dont friend get beatun almost every day get sick lot like fainting alot im sick asking help someone please help -,1,nan -"i am sorry i could not make it until june i have tried, i am not strong enough this school is too unforgiving i am sorry",1,sorry could make june tried strong enough school unforgiving sorry -"I just want someone or the love of my life who was out there somewhere to come and heal me and pick me up and give me everything I needed in life and validate all the issues I ever had faced in this lifetime. I can't be asked to ""put my mental health"" first or any of that shit anymore. I can't carry myself",1,want someone love life somewhere come heal pick give everything needed life validate issue ever faced lifetime asked put mental health first shit anymore carry -I’m trying really hard.,1,trying really hard -,1,nan -"A man in my neighborhood just killed himself in the same method I am planning. It happened a month ago but I just got more details about it today from my mom. She doesn’t suspect a thing about me. All the stories I have heard about when something like this happens is that people rally together. But that didn’t happen. My mom talked about his poor wife and how much his kids are going to miss him, and how it must have been some of the medication he was on. She didn’t say a thing about him other than it was sad that he had mental health issues. The people in my circle think that people like me and him are worth less than someone healthy, they never said that but I can tell. They think people like me are hard to love, that we have too many demons inside of us, that people with depression are “letting the devil get to them”. None of this has escaped me. Am I really evil? Am I letting the devil win? The worst part is that they don’t know what I’m planning to do. But I could never say anything because I don’t want to hurt them, I don’t want to destroy the image they have of me while I am alive.",1,man neighborhood killed method planning happened month ago got detail today mom suspect thing story heard something like happens people rally together happen mom talked poor wife much kid going miss must medication say thing sad mental health issue people circle think people like worth le someone healthy never said tell think people like hard love many demon inside u people depression letting devil get none escaped really evil letting devil win worst part know planning could never say anything want hurt want destroy image alive -"**To preface I would like to apologize in advance for any posting informalities; this is my first Reddit post.** - -I just graduated university in May of 2021 and received a job at a global digital marketing agency. Agency life as a first job was too emotionally taxing for my well-being and gave me extremely bad performance anxiety. I quit this job right before the start of 2022 and have been looking for a job since. I briefly had a job in February of 2022, however a close friend of mine offed himself and I was fired for taking time off to grieve. Due to this, I started taking Prozac and visiting a Therapist once a week. Things were going fine until I decided to drink on Prozac one night and have a psychotic episode. - -This episode caused me to get extremely aggressive towards my roommates for no reason. I was running down a list of accusations - some true and some untrue. However my girlfriend, worried for the safety of my roommates, decided to slap me in hopes to end the episode (terrible idea I know & we have no history of domestic abuse). This lead me into a meltdown where I called the cops trying to get her arrested for assault along with spewing false details of things that I was hallucinating. The cops soon realized I was having an episode and luckily didn't press charges and talked me somewhat down from being aggressive. Once they left, I packed up every item I own and drove 13 hours to my family's house. I don't remember anything until I was almost finished packing my stuff. - -I severely hurt my roommates and girlfriend, I don't think about coming back because of how overwhelming the guilt will feel. I'm not sure what I should do and my brain is focusing on the permanent solution. I guess the reason for this post is to ask for any advice or tips. I didn't want to drone on regarding other incidents so I'll leave a list below of what's happened in the past year. - -\- Cut off abusive parents, experienced a few other meltdowns due to work/school stress, lost a ton of friends due to self isolation, took too many psychedelics which has given me bad general anxiety, was arrested, and impulsively moved halfway around the US before I was ready to. - -&#x200B; - -Life for the past 5 years has gone continuously downhill for me. I can't realistically see a way out of this.",1,preface would like apologize advance posting informality first reddit post graduated university may 0 received job global digital marketing agency agency life first job emotionally taxing well gave extremely bad performance anxiety quit job right start 0 looking job since briefly job february 0 however close friend mine offed fired taking time grieve due started taking prozac visiting therapist week thing going fine decided drink prozac one night psychotic episode episode caused get extremely aggressive towards roommate reason running list accusation true untrue however girlfriend worried safety roommate decided slap hope end episode terrible idea know amp history domestic abuse lead meltdown called cop trying get arrested assault along spewing false detail thing hallucinating cop soon realized episode luckily press charge talked somewhat aggressive left packed every item drove hour family house remember anything almost finished packing stuff severely hurt roommate girlfriend think coming back overwhelming guilt feel sure brain focusing permanent solution guess reason post ask advice tip want drone regarding incident leave list happened past year cut abusive parent experienced meltdown due work school stress lost ton friend due self isolation took many psychedelics given bad general anxiety arrested impulsively moved halfway around u ready amp x 00b life past year gone continuously downhill realistically see way -"As I write this it feels so attention seeking. Like I am looking for a reason to stay. A reason to feel. I have all the reasons right in front of me. My girlfriend. My best friends. My dog. However, none of it matters. I’m drunk and all I want to do is die. I’m scared. - -I’m scared of how that will make my friends, family and girlfriend feel. How can I put them through that? I wish I didn’t care. - -I wish I didn’t care about their feelings. I wish I could just go get a gun or in my car and resume back to the chapter before my birth. - -Sometimes, surviving an event is the hard part. Me surviving life is the hard part. It feels like I could go in forever. - -Forever knowing that it’s just chemicals in my brain that makes me want to blissfully enjoy the enteral slumber that awaits us all. - -Medicine scares me, what if it changes who I am. The last time I was on the medicine, I slept for the majority of the days. Unable to get out of the blissful slumber that carried away my thoughts and sorrows. - -Eventually I’ll have the guts, if I rid myself of everyone who cares",1,write feel attention seeking like looking reason stay reason feel reason right front girlfriend best friend dog however none matter drunk want die scared scared make friend family girlfriend feel put wish care wish care feeling wish could go get gun car resume back chapter birth sometimes surviving event hard part surviving life hard part feel like could go forever forever knowing chemical brain make want blissfully enjoy enteral slumber awaits u medicine scare change last time medicine slept majority day unable get blissful slumber carried away thought sorrow eventually gut rid everyone care -"It's kind of funny, isn't it?",1,kind funny -"Age (16) gender (M) -I’ve been dealing with my depression for a while now and some people including my parents know, although my biggest regret is telling my girlfriend. When I told her that I have been trying to take my life everything changed. I understand it’s just her caring and not knowing how to deal with it but it’s been such a burden on the relationship. I’m not longer human to her I’m mainly a ticking time bomb. I’m starting to feel like I’ve locked her in this relationship because of this disease I have. We can’t go a hang out without her crying about the fact that my life is hanging on by a thread and I know this is extremely selfish of me. How could I not be appreciative for this caring girl, to be honest I couldn’t care less just every time I see her break because of me it makes me hate myself more. I wish I just kept that side of me hidden away from her to protect her from it. The worst part is she can’t help me even though she tries so hard and she knows it,every day feels like a toss of a dice whether I will live or die and she is watching it all helpless. I love her so much she keeps me going but God I wish I had a time machine to go back and make sure I never told her. Just then she could be happy until the end. I’m sorry Vesna",1,age gender dealing depression people including parent know although biggest regret telling girlfriend told trying take life everything changed understand caring knowing deal burden relationship longer human mainly ticking time bomb starting feel like locked relationship disease go hang without cry fact life hanging thread know extremely selfish could appreciative caring girl honest care le every time see break make hate wish kept side hidden away protect worst part help even though try hard know every day feel like toss dice whether live die watching helpless love much keep going god wish time machine go back make sure never told could happy end sorry vesna -"i cant see the only person keeping me here. i cant listen to his voice. i should be able to, but my anxiety makes it impossible for me to ask him to meet up or call. i can only message him. he doesn’t respond for hours. i need to speak to him. i need to see him. i need him. i miss him. i miss him so much. im on the verge of attempting bc it feels like ill never see him again. i havent seen him in 7 months. i havent spoken to him in person in 9. i know i need to talk to someone but im not getting therapy until JUNE. i tried sending him messages over the last few days but he hasn’t even seen them. my heart is literally physically aching bc i miss him so much. i cant do this anymore - -EDIT: guys im ok he responded to my message and i was able to calm down before i could try to end it",1,cant see person keeping cant listen voice able anxiety make impossible ask meet call message respond hour need speak need see need miss miss much im verge attempting bc feel like ill never see havent seen month havent spoken person 9 know need talk someone im getting therapy june tried sending message last day even seen heart literally physically aching bc miss much cant anymore edit guy im ok responded message able calm could try end -"but fuck insomnia. - -that moment of peace is snatched too.",1,fuck insomnia moment peace snatched -Normally I use my notes app but this was the first time I had written pen and paper. Somehow it feels good. It’s the final chapter of my life. i hope people in my life understand I had to do this for myself. The pain is too much for one to handle everyday,1,normally use note app first time written pen paper somehow feel good final chapter life hope people life understand pain much one handle everyday -,1,nan -"she asked me to go out and do things outside of school which I don’t do often. she’s so nice and cool and creative and I care fo her so much but i feel like I should just leave her alone. im such a terrible person. ive done and said so much messed up stuff and if she knew who I really was she would hate me. im a fucking shit head emotional manipulator. I cut my arm and palm to shit just hoping that she would notice and comfort me or tell me to stop and she didn’t notice and now I want to cut myself more for being an idiot and thinking I could get someone to care for me by ruining myself. she’d probably be disgusted by my scars anyway. I wish I could go to therapy or get help but I can’t and at this point I feel awful all the time and I just can’t do it anymore. im gonna kill myself soon. probably this year. whenever I fuck up to the point all my inhibitions about death are gone. - -thank you to the people that DM’d me on my last posts. I didn’t respond to one of you but I appreciate it.",1,asked go thing outside school often nice cool creative care fo much feel like leave alone im terrible person ive done said much messed stuff knew really would hate im fucking shit head emotional manipulator cut arm palm shit hoping would notice comfort tell stop notice want cut idiot thinking could get someone care ruining probably disgusted scar anyway wish could go therapy get help point feel awful time anymore im gon na kill soon probably year whenever fuck point inhibition death gone thank people dm last post respond one appreciate -"im fucking drunk at 9am even if im fucking 25 with ""my life still ahead of me"" - -i don't wanna do this anymore. i dont even have a house anymore. i have nobodt.y fck i cant even type noboidy. i just want to end things but im too scared to even kill myself. hpw do i do it without failing? i often imagine others doing it for me. can someone help me do it where can i go to do it - -i think it will irresponsib;e for me to just jump into traffic as i don't want others to suffer. i just want to go quietly. are there any services like that? - -my ocd keeps me hanging. i have a list i cant leave or ill go crazt. im tired - -why is it so hard to log out of this life - -anybody wanna kill me? no strings attached. or do you know anyone who could? - -please make it stop. i want to cease and disappear",1,im fucking drunk 9am even im fucking life still ahead wan na anymore dont even house anymore nobodt fck cant even type noboidy want end thing im scared even kill hpw without failing often imagine others someone help go think irresponsib e jump traffic want others suffer want go quietly service like ocd keep hanging list cant leave ill go crazt im tired hard log life anybody wan na kill string attached know anyone could please make stop want cease disappear -"I don’t know if I could able to live another day or another year. I hear everyday; people judge who I talked to or what I’m planning to do, they hated my presence and how my thoughts is. They hated my love of interest and my hobbies because it’s useless and not get you anywhere in life. My mom constantly telling me I’m not going anywhere in life because of the many failed attempt on planning to go to school or planning to get the job, but no, my self esteem and my joy for socializing people is ruined by my mom. I’m still in a constant unresolved trauma going on in on through my childhood, where I get brutally beaten by people whose used to be kids and now, grow up to be the same thing as me, but selfishly beat me to the ground. I couldn’t able to save my dad through a stroke back in October, 17, 2021. Nobody understands me when I talked about my issues at home or my life, they only thought I’m a well rounded person who got lots of achievements and so called “hope” on me. And now I’m on my computer scrolling though which rope I could buy and how sturdy the fall is and use it before my birthday, because nobody understands me.",1,know could able live another day another year hear everyday people judge talked planning hated presence thought hated love interest hobby useless get anywhere life mom constantly telling going anywhere life many failed attempt planning go school planning get job self esteem joy socializing people ruined mom still constant unresolved trauma going childhood get brutally beaten people whose used kid grow thing selfishly beat ground able save dad stroke back october 0 nobody understands talked issue home life thought well rounded person got lot achievement called hope computer scrolling though rope could buy sturdy fall use birthday nobody understands -"My abusive mom got off. She died ruining me. My younger brother is in her footsteps and abuses me too. - -I don’t want any encouragement or anything positive. I am just done - -Sensitive people like me, the victim, always lose. My mom won as she died and is now in peace. My brother has won too. So, I’m done. I lost the battle and the war - -Narcs….always…win….",1,abusive mom got died ruining younger brother footstep abuse want encouragement anything positive done sensitive people like victim always lose mom died peace brother done lost battle war narc always win -"If things don't get better for me by the end of 2022, I'm going to cash out my savings, write a will, and use 1/3 of my savings to go on a world trip alone, after which I will kill myself in a quiet place by the sea or something. The 2/3 savings I'm leaving for my little brother because who knows how expensive college will be by the time he's 18. - -I'm almost 24 and a NEET. I have no friends, no SO, extreme depression and social anxiety. I don't find joy in hobbies. I am too anxious to go outdoors. Social media triggers me. I have no skills and haven't worked since 2020. My family is poor and having me living in the house just drains their savings. I consider myself low maintenance but food and electricity is just so goddamn expensive these days. - -I also have tons of allergies and dyshidrotic eczema on my fingers and during my flare-ups I can't do any chores, and any contact with water causes itch and spreads. Now at springtime it meant I'm rendered basically incapable of doing anything. It's gonna last for months and I feel useless. (it's an autoimmune disease and there's no cure. nothing helps, no diet, prescribed creams, nothing. It's been like this all my life. Fall is the only season where it's the mildest)",1,thing get better end 0 going cash saving write use saving go world trip alone kill quiet place sea something saving leaving little brother know expensive college time almost neet friend extreme depression social anxiety find joy hobby anxious go outdoors social medium trigger skill worked since 0 0 family poor living house drain saving consider low maintenance food electricity goddamn expensive day also ton allergy dyshidrotic eczema finger flare ups chore contact water cause itch spread springtime meant rendered basically incapable anything gon na last month feel useless autoimmune disease cure nothing help diet prescribed cream nothing like life fall season mildest -"When all you can feel is you're failing at everything. Failure, failure, failure.. so you give up and you attempt to end it all and even fail at that... How am I supposed to feel then?",1,feel failing everything failure failure failure give attempt end even fail supposed feel -"i miss my life before this depressive episode (idk if you can even call it an episode anymore, it’s been over 1 year). i don’t think i’ll ever be the same and that destroys me inside. i miss 2019 and 2020 up until september. i was truly happy, and just coasting through life so content. i was so happy and life was so simple, especially during the 2020 lockdown. -All i had to do during the lockdown was watch loads of anime and random netflix shows, explore new music, stay up all night and do nothing. i even had time to explore my childlike side by doing loads of painting and drawing using kiddie paint and colouring books. my mental health was great too. i had no eating disorder, no depression, no school work, my anxiety and ocd was minimal and i wasn’t so deeply lonely like i am now. i can literally just hear a song, smell a smell or taste a good that i experienced to during that period, and i will burst out in tears because i miss not being depressed so much. - -Now even if i do try and enjoy life like i did back then and be carefree, it’ll never be the same, because my anxiety and depression have quite literally destroyed me from the inside. now i’ll never be able to enjoy life like that again. - -I had never been in a relationship, and that didn’t bother me at all. Now i’ve still never been in a relationship, and it makes me feel unloveable and ugly. I always hear people at school talking about their relationships and dates and stuff, and even though i don’t want a boyfriend that bad, i still feel like i’m missing out on a key part of the ‘teenage experience’. but still to be honest, i’m not that keen on a relationship. i really just want to be happy. - -anyway, all that’s left to do is die. i have my plan in place, and i have a date and method. at least i can say that i experienced true happiness and one point in my life i guess.",1,miss life depressive episode idk even call episode anymore year think ever destroys inside miss 0 9 0 0 september truly happy coasting life content happy life simple especially 0 0 lockdown lockdown watch load anime random netflix show explore new music stay night nothing even time explore childlike side load painting drawing using kiddie paint colouring book mental health great eating disorder depression school work anxiety ocd minimal deeply lonely like literally hear song smell smell taste good experienced period burst tear miss depressed much even try enjoy life like back carefree never anxiety depression quite literally destroyed inside never able enjoy life like never relationship bother still never relationship make feel unloveable ugly always hear people school talking relationship date stuff even though want boyfriend bad still feel like missing key part teenage experience still honest keen relationship really want happy anyway left die plan place date method least say experienced true happiness one point life guess -" Hello thank you for reading my post and any advice would be appreciated. So I’m a 19-year-old guy from Southern California, I dated my ex for about 8 months and it was a relationship plagued with many issues. She cheated on me at the beginning of the relationship and I later found out stayed with her and then cheated on her. It was this weird situation because we both wronged each other so we saw it as we’re equal let’s try to make this work. Though our relationship could be considered rocky at best I still loved her very much and I had never felt such strong emotions for someone like that before. She was my first real girlfriend, she introduced me to her family and vice versa, we went on vacations with each other, we went to punk shows and enjoyed music because we had a similar taste in music. Around December she caught me flirting with girls on my phone and I guess you can say she “ended the relationship” but everything was still the same, we would see each other regularly, have sex pretty regularly, go out and do things with one other, and talk all the time like we did. It was almost as like we never even broke but she said the relationship was over but if I prove to her that I would make a change that we would get back together. At first, I was super apologetic and begged her for forgiveness but I soon realized that everything was still the same minus the fact that we technically aren’t in a relationship anymore. I did a lot of souls searching and talking to those around me who told me it was for the best that we didn’t date anymore so I started talking to other girls. Around this time I meet my guitar teacher and started playing the guitar(I’ve been playing for about 3 months now) it’s something that makes me very happy and I enjoy doing it. Like I mentioned earlier with my ex everything felt the same except we technically weren’t in a relationship but she would still say she loves and cares about me. In December I was still trying to get her forgiveness, she bought me these sick computer speakers. I bought her this ring with our names engraved on it but she didn’t really seem to like it and even left it at my house and never took it. Even though that’s what she was begging me to buy for her. At one point I told her that it bothered me that she completely just tossed away the ring and her response is why would I wear a promise ring when I’ve broken the promise I didn’t have a rebuttal to it so I dropped the subject. January rolled around and the idea of trying to gain her favor back and “earning” our relationship back grew to disdain. We both were on bumble/tinder, talking to other people flirting, but we still would be in this weird situation where we were in this “relationship” saying I love you to each other. So like I mentioned earlier I had downloaded dating apps and met/flirted with some girls. And she was doing the same thing but I told her that I’m growing tired of this weird thing and that I want to be back with her and try to make things work and she was kinda blowing it off. I deleted all the dating apps I wasn’t meeting flirting with any girls and I didn’t do anything with anyone besides her this whole time. So fast forward to my birthday on February 1st and she bought tickets for us to go to knots berry farm(amusement park here in SoCal) we had a good time and we ended up having sex later that night. During this whole weird period, we were having sex pretty consistently. My birthday ended up being the last time we saw each for a while because. My best friends said that they saw her on bumble/tinder. I made new accounts and I saw her. She swiped right on me both times. And it set me off because I kept telling her I wanted to be with her and wanted to start over and she said wanted to as well but wanted to make sure but wanted wait and that she loved me and only wanted to be with me would always say she can’t imagine being with anyone but me. So seeing her on these apps, even though we told each other we weren’t going to be on them anymore. So I sent her this long message telling her how I felt about her, our relationship, and the whole tinder/bumble situation and that I was through with her. Then it was almost as she flipped the script and that she was the one begging me to get back with each other and she pulled her whole I love you I can’t imagine being with one else but you blah blah. But I was done and was ready to emotionally move which I feel like for the most part I have. So I completely stopped talking to her, many of my close friends helped me out a lot, especially my best friend. I felt sorta free in a way and I was trying my best to move on. I met other girls and had hookups with a lot of them. I mean last week I had sex with two different girls in one night on Friday. But every time I feel like happy at first after but then shortly after I go back to this feeling of emptiness that I have been feeling. I and my family had a trip planned out to give a visit to our family in El Salvador and we went it was only for a week but it was the happiest I had been in so long as soon as I came back that feeling of emptiness came back full force. a couple of weeks after I came back me and my friends decided we wanted to try shrooms, it was a whole ordeal to get them but we somehow got them. We had it all planned out but it kinda fell through me and my best friend ended up taking the. I, unfortunately, had a bad trip at first the trip went super well but I took about 7 grams and it was my first time and I started telling my friend I was depressed, then it turned into I'm planning on committing suicide when I'm older. But something came upon me and I was telling him I wanted to kill myself right then and there, and I tried to kill myself but my friend stopped me. I have been pretty traumatized since that night and I have been thinking about it so much. During the time I was in El Salvador, my ex made a tik tok about me saying I was a terrible person and that I treated her horrible and that she was the victim of the relationship and it got like 12,000 views. She also posted a video on her Instagram story of some random licking her face and her kissing him after. So I wanted nothing to do with her anymore but after my bad trip, I felt emotionally vulnerable. And I texted her back and I told her what I went through and we started texting again. She told me that she wanted to see me again and I wasn't there emotionally, she came over and we ended up having sex and we've done this twice now. I just feel like I have gone through so much these last 3 months and it has been so much to handle. After I took the shrooms I felt like I needed to better my actions and I planning on going back to school I have stopped smoking weed and drinking(I never did it often but I want to completely stop). I'm growing tired of this constant feeling of emptiness I feel every day of my life, and I feel like I haven't been trying to move my life forward and I keep going back to the same place I keep telling myself I want to move from. I don't know if it's depression or what but I'm tired of the way I feel. Sometimes when I think about my bad trip I just chalk it up to me being high but other times I feel like that deep down I actually want to and that the shrooms just made me realize. I love and appreciate my best friend, my other friends, and my family because they provide me with amazing support but these feelings still linger and I'm growing tired of it. The thing that has been providing me with happiness is playing guitar and it's been my escape. I would appreciate someone to talk to, maybe I need someone fresh perspective.",1,hello thank reading post advice would appreciated 9 year old guy southern california dated ex month relationship plagued many issue cheated beginning relationship later found stayed cheated weird situation wronged saw equal let try make work though relationship could considered rocky best still loved much never felt strong emotion someone like first real girlfriend introduced family vice versa went vacation went punk show enjoyed music similar taste music around december caught flirting girl phone guess say ended relationship everything still would see regularly sex pretty regularly go thing one talk time like almost like never even broke said relationship prove would make change would get back together first super apologetic begged forgiveness soon realized everything still minus fact technically relationship anymore lot soul searching talking around told best date anymore started talking girl around time meet guitar teacher started playing guitar playing month something make happy enjoy like mentioned earlier ex everything felt except technically relationship would still say love care december still trying get forgiveness bought sick computer speaker bought ring name engraved really seem like even left house never took even though begging buy one point told bothered completely tossed away ring response would wear promise ring broken promise rebuttal dropped subject january rolled around idea trying gain favor back earning relationship back grew disdain bumble tinder talking people flirting still would weird situation relationship saying love like mentioned earlier downloaded dating apps met flirted girl thing told growing tired weird thing want back try make thing work kinda blowing deleted dating apps meeting flirting girl anything anyone besides whole time fast forward birthday february st bought ticket u go knot berry farm amusement park socal good time ended sex later night whole weird period sex pretty consistently birthday ended last time saw best friend said saw bumble tinder made new account saw swiped right time set kept telling wanted wanted start said wanted well wanted make sure wanted wait loved wanted would always say imagine anyone seeing apps even though told going anymore sent long message telling felt relationship whole tinder bumble situation almost flipped script one begging get back pulled whole love imagine one else blah blah done ready emotionally move feel like part completely stopped talking many close friend helped lot especially best friend felt sorta free way trying best move met girl hookup lot mean last week sex two different girl one night friday every time feel like happy first shortly go back feeling emptiness feeling family trip planned give visit family el salvador went week happiest long soon came back feeling emptiness came back full force couple week came back friend decided wanted try shrooms whole ordeal get somehow got planned kinda fell best friend ended taking unfortunately bad trip first trip went super well took gram first time started telling friend depressed turned planning committing suicide older something came upon telling wanted kill right tried kill friend stopped pretty traumatized since night thinking much time el salvador ex made tik tok saying terrible person treated horrible victim relationship got like 000 view also posted video instagram story random licking face kissing wanted nothing anymore bad trip felt emotionally vulnerable texted back told went started texting told wanted see emotionally came ended sex done twice feel like gone much last month much handle took shrooms felt like needed better action planning going back school stopped smoking weed drinking never often want completely stop growing tired constant feeling emptiness feel every day life feel like trying move life forward keep going back place keep telling want move know depression tired way feel sometimes think bad trip chalk high time feel like deep actually want shrooms made realize love appreciate best friend friend family provide amazing support feeling still linger growing tired thing providing happiness playing guitar escape would appreciate someone talk maybe need someone fresh perspective -"I should’ve died - -It’s been a year since my last suicide attempt, a year since the closest I’ve gotten to dying, a year since my greatest mistake of life. See people talk ab leading up to the attempt or their life before that but after the failed attempt they just say they wanted to live and everything got better. Nah bro that’s not this story a year later I’m worst than before I just don’t live alone anymore and there’s more things stopping me. I still hate my life. I still wanna die. And honestly my depression got worst I just feel like I can express it less. Since then I had a brief period of being okay. Then again it all went to shit. I no longer play college sports. I dropped out of school 3 times. I fucked yo everything I cared about. And apart from that I’m in debt. I self harm way more than I used to probably every day now I catch myself switching the knife I used to use for my bare hands as it’s easier to play off and I just beat myself up every night until I can barely breath pounding at my chest or ribs until it hurts to be straight and I need to curl up in my ball of sweat and blood and cuts from the pounding I do to myself. I feel invivible like no one gives a fuck and neither do I. I have to fake every emotion I have because I don’t feel anything just complete numbness and pain. I failed at everything I set out to do and I’ve hurt people who didn’t deserve my pain. Everyone who tries to help finds it too much and therapy seems too impersonal so it doesn’t really help and I can’t open up. It really just feels like everything went to shit after that. It feels like my rock bottom opened up and created a newer harder level called hell for me to play since I escaped from the real one when the pills didn’t work and I catch myself holding my stomach half beaten sore and hungry from the days of starving myself due to lack of motivation and thinking god damn it I should’ve died that day. God fuckikg damn it those pills should’ve killed me. If they did I wouldn’t have hurt who I have. If they did I wouldn’t have become this failure. If they didn’t I wouldn’t have to fake. If they did I wouldn’t have to beat. If they did I wouldn’t have to pretend I’m okay being alive when all I ever wanna do is die. If they did I would finally rest. I can’t talk ab my feelings I’m undeserving of that privilege. I can’t explain why I do the things I do that hurt people the words just don’t come out the feeling is unexplainable. I can’t explain why I just wanna die because if I did then I would be told I’m taking things for granted. And I can’t kill myself because it hurts to hurt people. All I want is to be dead. Happiness stoped being an option for me long ago.",1,died year since last suicide attempt year since closest gotten dying year since greatest mistake life see people talk ab leading attempt life failed attempt say wanted live everything got better nah bro story year later worst live alone anymore thing stopping still hate life still wan na die honestly depression got worst feel like express le since brief period okay went shit longer play college sport dropped school time fucked yo everything cared apart debt self harm way used probably every day catch switching knife used use bare hand easier play beat every night barely breath pounding chest rib hurt straight need curl ball sweat blood cut pounding feel invivible like one give fuck neither fake every emotion feel anything complete numbness pain failed everything set hurt people deserve pain everyone try help find much therapy seems impersonal really help open really feel like everything went shit feel like rock bottom opened created newer harder level called hell play since escaped real one pill work catch holding stomach half beaten sore hungry day starving due lack motivation thinking god damn died day god fuckikg damn pill killed hurt become failure fake beat pretend okay alive ever wan na die would finally rest talk ab feeling undeserving privilege explain thing hurt people word come feeling unexplainable explain wan na die would told taking thing granted kill hurt hurt people want dead happiness stoped option long ago -"Why am I here? I have class, I need to go back. I'm sweating, my backside is all gross and wet. And it's not because it's hot, I'm wearing shorts. Something is wrong with me. I'm broken. I can't be around people. But I'm lonely. *I can't care about college.* Awful apathy is in my veins. I can't even pretend to have any desire for life or conversation. - -I'm going to fail my classes. Maybe failing something will finally wake me up. Or, no. I'm nothing of value without my grades. It's all I've ever had. It's all I'm actually good at. And now I realize how utterly pointless and empty that overwhelming stress was -- good grades never made me like living or myself. If I fail, it is justification that my existence is worthless. - -I'm just lonely and socially anxious to the point of phobia and scared of others and especially of myself. I just want to die, I'm supposed to commit suicide, I'm sure of it. I am not meant to exist. I do not belong here. I belong Nowhere. - -I'm tired. Really, really tired.",1,class need go back sweating backside gross wet hot wearing short something wrong broken around people lonely care college awful apathy vein even pretend desire life conversation going fail class maybe failing something finally wake nothing value without grade ever actually good realize utterly pointless empty overwhelming stress good grade never made like living fail justification existence worthless lonely socially anxious point phobia scared others especially want die supposed commit suicide sure meant exist belong belong nowhere tired really really tired -"Every time I think things are getting better, they suddenly go to shit. Is it even worth trying anymore? -I’ve hit an all time low and my confidence has never been worse, which is kind of uncommon because my confidence goes last usually. Everyone seems to be getting happier and they all have plans for the future but I still feel like I’ve a long way to go when it comes to starting a new chapter in my life. -I’m exhausted. This overwhelming emptiness doesn’t ever go away, it only gets filled with sadness and anger.",1,every time think thing getting better suddenly go shit even worth trying anymore hit time low confidence never worse kind uncommon confidence go last usually everyone seems getting happier plan future still feel like long way go come starting new chapter life exhausted overwhelming emptiness ever go away get filled sadness anger -"3 months ago I hit rock-bottom and was about to kill myself, luckily the attempt was a failure. Therapy worked wonders for me and I'm falling in love right now. Thanks for the kind words in this subreddit. You helped me through the darkest night of my life. - -much love.",1,month ago hit rock bottom kill luckily attempt failure therapy worked wonder falling love right thanks kind word subreddit helped darkest night life much love -"i am dying beforehand. i dont even want to talk to you. you are the reason why im leaving :) - - -have a nice fucking life without me",1,dying beforehand dont even want talk reason im leaving nice fucking life without -" I've had suicidal ideation almost everyday for years now. I've kinda lost track when specifically, because everything just seems like a blur. - -I feel trapped in a way. Because I don't want to hurt my friends and family, but at the same time I'm just so exhausted with living. I just want to be set free and I wish they could just let me go, and finally allow me to leave this world. - -I mean being gay, and Asian-American, should give enough of a reason as to why I've ended up in this predicament. - -I just wish I could have been born normal. I wish I could have had a normal childhood. I wish I could had all the things that came with growing up, like crushes, prom night, or dating in high school. - -And then piling that on top of all the other horrible shit that exists within our society, I don't even want to continue with life anymore. - -Why should I even bother? If world I live in was never made for people like me, why would it be bad if I choose to leave it? - -Isn't it more selfish for them to keep me hostage alive?",1,suicidal ideation almost everyday year kinda lost track specifically everything seems like blur feel trapped way want hurt friend family time exhausted living want set free wish could let go finally allow leave world mean gay asian american give enough reason ended predicament wish could born normal wish could normal childhood wish could thing came growing like crush prom night dating high school piling top horrible shit exists within society even want continue life anymore even bother world live never made people like would bad choose leave selfish keep hostage alive -"I don’t wanna be here anymore, I’m sick of feeling like this all the time. - -I wanna kill myself tomorrow, i might not do it, but the thoughts of doing it are too much now.",1,wan na anymore sick feeling like time wan na kill tomorrow might thought much -,1,nan -Well....since I'm too pusy to actually kill myself...I've just decided to tell everyone who cares about me I've past away from a random heart condition. It's not like it matters....I'm clearly and problem and I'm not worth their time of day anymore. My friends are all long distance anyways. It's not like they'll know. My soon to be ex's mom was right. I am mental....and she has the right to not want that for her daughter and I respect that. I honestly had myself fooled for a little while that I was worth something and was actually doing better. I'm never gonna be able to support her anyways....I'm a broke sorry fool with gas cost I can no longer afford to drive from the quad cities to Chicago to see you. I've failed as a man. The pills only work so much...it's not fair to you J that you have keep track of my suicidal ass. I honestly want to be able to be someone that can make you happy in the ways I did...and more with money and stuff. I want you to finish college. Then go to medschool like you planned on. I know you're going to make a great doctor. I hope you'll be able to go back home to N.C. and see your family more. This long distance isn't right for someone like you on top of it.... this isn't what someone like you needs. You were the most beautiful person I've ever been with in everyway. I'm honestly glad for the 4 months of an amazing relationship. I'm even more thankful for the 1.8 years of friendship. guess I just wanted someone to my reasons out even though I know she'll never see this and they'll never see it. I can't afford to be with you guys anymore. I don't wanna be the friend with no money or boyfriend and such. It's not fair....i hope you don't mind I keep a photo of you guys that reminds me of why I'm choosing to get better. Goodbye guys. You're gonna be fine without me.,1,well since pusy actually kill decided tell everyone care past away random heart condition like matter clearly problem worth time day anymore friend long distance anyways like know soon ex mom right mental right want daughter respect honestly fooled little worth something actually better never gon na able support anyways broke sorry fool gas cost longer afford drive quad city chicago see failed man pill work much fair j keep track suicidal as honestly want able someone make happy way money stuff want finish college go medschool like planned know going make great doctor hope able go back home n c see family long distance right someone like top someone like need beautiful person ever everyway honestly glad month amazing relationship even thankful year friendship guess wanted someone reason even though know never see never see afford guy anymore wan na friend money boyfriend fair hope mind keep photo guy reminds choosing get better goodbye guy gon na fine without -What if i die hel think its his fault,1,die hel think fault -"I'm losing my best friend one of my friends is about to kill himself another friend is lying to me I'm done I can't hold on I just can't I'm done I'm just so done I'm ready to die I've been ready to die so I'm about to write my notes and pick a time and day and hopefully, I won't be alive much longer.",1,losing best friend one friend kill another friend lying done hold done done ready die ready die write note pick time day hopefully alive much longer -"Curse this planet -Curse that most women want an above average penis size -Curse most women enjoy above average sizes -Curse I can't do anything to change mine -Curse I will always be inferior and never satisfy anyone fully -Curse that life made my life hopeless from the day I was born -Curse people who get mad at me for giving up when theres literally nothing I can do -Curse the people who dont take my problems seriously -Curse this planet -I will go kill myself now",1,curse planet curse woman want average penis size curse woman enjoy average size curse anything change mine curse always inferior never satisfy anyone fully curse life made life hopeless day born curse people get mad giving there literally nothing curse people dont take problem seriously curse planet go kill -"I’m 25, struggled with suicidal thoughts for the best part of 15 years. Majority of my life I’ve spent fighting myself, things that happened in my childhood have such a deep and agressive hold on my self esteem. No matter what I do, I don’t feel confident in myself, I can’t even drink a coffee without getting into a fit of anxiety. - -It’s never been this lucid, to the point I’m planning exactly how I want to do it. Don’t want to reach out to anyone because I’ve pretended to be fine for so long. Couldn’t imagine what it would to my mom, but can’t see myself ever getting better enough to enjoy my life. - -Absolutely lost",1,struggled suicidal thought best part year majority life spent fighting thing happened childhood deep agressive hold self esteem matter feel confident even drink coffee without getting fit anxiety never lucid point planning exactly want want reach anyone pretended fine long imagine would mom see ever getting better enough enjoy life absolutely lost -"I (20M) have had a rough past 2 years. My brother has been in and out of psychiatric institutes due to drug induced psychosis, changed major life choices around my recent ex of 3 years, and am now living by myself in a college town doing all online classes. All of my friends are 2 hours away and I cannot seem to find connections with anybody where I live currently. My mental health is on a steady decline despite being on medication and having therapy. I drink alone frequently, self harm almost every other day, and when I try to get ahead i’m constantly being pulled back. I’ve considered killing myself during the height of these past events, yet for the first time I am enticed by the idea while having a relatively clear and calm conscious. My studio apartment is hell for me, as I am stuck in my head almost indefinitely. I have no motivation to work on school or go to work regularly despite being a relatively driven person. Both exes i’ve ever had see me as an emotionally abusive and controlling person and seem to have a lot of hatred for me. I have always tried my best to be loving to everybody and never intentionally wronged them yet I allow them to hold power over my life even though I never see them. After explaining these circumstances to my therapist she told me that it does not classify as emotional abuse yet I still cling to those words. I feel like I ruin everything around me without ever trying. Every time I get into my car I think about how easy it would be to just speed into a building of off a cliff. I honestly don’t know if i’d be around to type this if I had a gun. The only thing holding me back is my family and few close friends, but sometimes I can completely disassociate from that reality. The future scares the living hell out of me and I don’t think I have a place on this earth. People always say it gets better but I have trouble believing that anymore. I’ve failed as a boyfriend, brother, son, when all i’ve ever wanted was for people to see my true intentions. I don’t want to go on living if it means I continue to hurt people that I love.",1,0m rough past year brother psychiatric institute due drug induced psychosis changed major life choice around recent ex year living college town online class friend hour away seem find connection anybody live currently mental health steady decline despite medication therapy drink alone frequently self harm almost every day try get ahead constantly pulled back considered killing height past event yet first time enticed idea relatively clear calm conscious studio apartment hell stuck head almost indefinitely motivation work school go work regularly despite relatively driven person ex ever see emotionally abusive controlling person seem lot hatred always tried best loving everybody never intentionally wronged yet allow hold power life even though never see explaining circumstance therapist told classify emotional abuse yet still cling word feel like ruin everything around without ever trying every time get car think easy would speed building cliff honestly know around type gun thing holding back family close friend sometimes completely disassociate reality future scare living hell think place earth people always say get better trouble believing anymore failed boyfriend brother son ever wanted people see true intention want go living mean continue hurt people love -"i really hate everything about myself, i hate what i sound like, look like, my body, my personality. i really can’t do this anymore and i won’t try to. i really wish i looked so much different, wasn’t as annoying; a chatterbox. i hate that i know i won’t get better, people call me a “fighter” for my diseases, but i hate it. i wish i didn’t have the clusterfuck of shit inside me. i wish i was pretty, or maybe cute. a cute cat, a rabbit. man, something so i won’t have to understand what people say about me. i hate my body but i use fashion as my coping mechanism. i never really was able to, my ex didn’t like me wearing anything form fitting or “revealing.” now that i can, i find out that i probably don’t have a lot of time to. also, definitely not the funds to. when i wear something i like, i feel nice and free, but i also hate what i see in the mirror. - -i said i wanted to be a cat or a rabbit, but maybe a rock instead. just chilling by the beach, on the sand or some stream. maybe a kid will take me and glue me on some paper-glue-sand-rock-seashell-glitter amalgamation, which will eventually be thrown in the trash to god knows where. i just don’t want to be able to comprehend anything, any words—any judgements. sounds stupid, laughable, and i agree. i don’t know anything about the idea of reincarnation, but when i kill myself tonight, i guess i will hope to be a rock LOL",1,really hate everything hate sound like look like body personality really anymore try really wish looked much different annoying chatterbox hate know get better people call fighter disease hate wish clusterfuck shit inside wish pretty maybe cute cute cat rabbit man something understand people say hate body use fashion coping mechanism never really able ex like wearing anything form fitting revealing find probably lot time also definitely fund wear something like feel nice free also hate see mirror said wanted cat rabbit maybe rock instead chilling beach sand stream maybe kid take glue paper glue sand rock seashell glitter amalgamation eventually thrown trash god know want able comprehend anything word judgement sound stupid laughable agree know anything idea reincarnation kill tonight guess hope rock lol -"Being gay is so fucking lonely, everyone is either busy making their crotch gobblins or busy with their so. I come from a super religious family and am not financially stable by myself so I just have to sit on the corner alone and watch everyone else enjoy life. I have no one to talk to, I dont have any friends id feel comfortable talking about this with and warmlines feel fake as fuck. I hate how straight men treat every get together as an excuse to find someone to fuck, but i also feel lile a fucking weirdo for not liking women. In latin america where im from people think gay men want to be women and every comedy show makes fun of us. I just feel like an object, not a human, an effigy created to be ridiculed and ostracized, a thing that helps straight people feel better about themselves by being a freak, a useful object like a gay best friend or less of a man. I know this will sound petty but it also hurts seeing so many beautiful men and knowing that I would never be able to be with them. Im also pretty ugly, and gay men tend to be quite vain. Im not muscular, im too hairy to be a femboy or a twink, and im not a bottom like most people would expect of me, I just feel like I dont fit in anywhere and no one will love me.",1,gay fucking lonely everyone either busy making crotch gobblins busy come super religious family financially stable sit corner alone watch everyone else enjoy life one talk dont friend id feel comfortable talking warmlines feel fake fuck hate straight men treat every get together excuse find someone fuck also feel lile fucking weirdo liking woman latin america im people think gay men want woman every comedy show make fun u feel like object human effigy created ridiculed ostracized thing help straight people feel better freak useful object like gay best friend le man know sound petty also hurt seeing many beautiful men knowing would never able im also pretty ugly gay men tend quite vain im muscular im hairy femboy twink im bottom like people would expect feel like dont fit anywhere one love -&#x200B;,1,amp x 00b -"I’ve ODed twice and they know I sh and the “mental health team” has done fuck all. Sort of threatening to kill people, how do you get committed? I get that you can go private but I’m broke. I literally want to stab myself and don’t know what to do so",1,oded twice know sh mental health team done fuck sort threatening kill people get committed get go private broke literally want stab know -i dont want to write this because i feel like im disrespecting the people that actual suffered from suicide but i dont want to live without her. she wants no contact at all and she was all that made me happy. i miss her.,1,dont want write feel like im disrespecting people actual suffered suicide dont want live without want contact made happy miss -"I fucking hate myself, i deserve to die, i should get run over by a train, i deserve to fucking bleed until i die. I need to die, my mental health depends on my grades but my grades depend on my mental health, i cant fucking take this, im so tierd of all this, i just wanna be normal, i just want my family to understand that its hard, its fucking hard but they dont understand. I need to die i cant take this anymore im so exausted. I cant take this, i cant fucking take this. Why cant i be fucking normal.",1,fucking hate deserve die get run train deserve fucking bleed die need die mental health depends grade grade depend mental health cant fucking take im tierd wan na normal want family understand hard fucking hard dont understand need die cant take anymore im exausted cant take cant fucking take cant fucking normal -"Currently I’m under 18 and life is hell - -1. I have ptsd - -I was sexually assaulted at 8 my mom didn’t feed me when I didn’t do all my homework every day didn’t oh and Ofc ma hit me when I cried and gaslight me to believe my dad was actually the abusive one she was also anti vax and flat earth - -2. right when the ptsd started to get better LIFE DECIDED naaaaah i like you in pain - -so during Covid (I masked and baisicly hid in my apartment like a bunker) I caught covid so you might say so what well guess the DUCK what turns out I had a dormant gene that causes lupus and Covid sparked it and now mom traumatized me so that I never asked for help so now you have lupus literally causing organ failure and I’m not going to the hospital (my god I wish I died) and ducking ofc I lived but not without permanent pain and needing harsh medicine for the rest of my life - -3. Don’t forget about school - -im at my dads now but guess what he cares more about my grades than my physical and mental health so when my grades tanked he yells and guilted me into “working harder” and I’m in the gifted program so I recive a workload nearly 4x my grade level and now lupus is in the story meaning I can’t do school well anymore - -4. I have no social life - -due to being in an enriched class nobody does anything but work so no friends in fact I got bullied and shoved (context if I fall I can’t get up due to lupus) me around so no suppor there - -5. I was already suicidal before the lupus and now I’m in constant agony mentally and physicaly - -6. Oi I’m lesbian and my family is half homophobic and half racist - -7. My only “friend just uses me to get sympathy points for “taking care of me“ - -8. NOBODY EVEN CARES THAT EVERY FEW SECONDS IT FEELS LIKE 300 KNIVES ARE STABBING ME - -that’s not hyperbole I am in that much pain 24/7 that I can not sleep - -9. pain makes it hard to sleep and no sleep makes the pain worse then I get stressed about my grades and then I sleep less and the pain gets worse - -10. I’m just a burden on my family - -lupus is a very hard condition to live with and it’s even harder on dads wallet all I do is just cost him more money - -11. My dad yells at me to stop faking when I’m having a flash back - -12. Mom comes back electric boogaloo - -13. nobody cares about how I feel - -all I do is work work work all day even now I had to lie to dad that I’m working in my room to write this, my sister fat shames me, my dad tells me his grandma had it worse (holocaust survivor), my nena guilts me into saying I’m fine and doing more, all dad cares about are grades, my brother is never there, my “friends” only care about themselves and say they have it worse, I just want the pain to stop - -please I just want it to end I’m in constant pain my life is hell and I’m in so much pain breathing hurts and there is nothing the doctors can do",1,currently life hell ptsd sexually assaulted mom feed homework every day oh ofc hit cried gaslight believe dad actually abusive one also anti vax flat earth right ptsd started get better life decided naaaaah like pain covid masked baisicly hid apartment like bunker caught covid might say well guess duck turn dormant gene cause lupus covid sparked mom traumatized never asked help lupus literally causing organ failure going hospital god wish died ducking ofc lived without permanent pain needing harsh medicine rest life forget school im dad guess care grade physical mental health grade tanked yell guilted working harder gifted program recive workload nearly x grade level lupus story meaning school well anymore social life due enriched class nobody anything work friend fact got bullied shoved context fall get due lupus around suppor already suicidal lupus constant agony mentally physicaly oi lesbian family half homophobic half racist friend us get sympathy point taking care nobody even care every second feel like 00 knife stabbing hyperbole much pain sleep 9 pain make hard sleep sleep make pain worse get stressed grade sleep le pain get worse 0 burden family lupus hard condition live even harder dad wallet cost money dad yell stop faking flash back mom come back electric boogaloo nobody care feel work work work day even lie dad working room write sister fat shame dad tell grandma worse holocaust survivor nena guilt saying fine dad care grade brother never friend care say worse want pain stop please want end constant pain life hell much pain breathing hurt nothing doctor -"I'm 29. I'm in recovery for marijuana addiction. I want to quit Juuling soon. It's making me so depressed and anxious. I feel financially insecure. I'm not happy at my job, and oftentimes times I feel suicidal. I don't want to rely on meds. - -Have any of you felt this way and made drastic changes? And turned it all around? This is absolutely the most depressed I've ever been, and I've never thought about suicide this much before. I'm seeing a therapist but ultimately I want to start leading a well-rounded life with healthy coping mechanisms (that don't involve health insurance). - -Has anyone ever done this? Have you gone through a dark era where suicide was on your mind constantly but then you turned it around? - -Need some hope, some stories that make me think it's possible.",1,9 recovery marijuana addiction want quit juuling soon making depressed anxious feel financially insecure happy job oftentimes time feel suicidal want rely med felt way made drastic change turned around absolutely depressed ever never thought suicide much seeing therapist ultimately want start leading well rounded life healthy coping mechanism involve health insurance anyone ever done gone dark era suicide mind constantly turned around need hope story make think possible -,1,nan -" - -I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know. I really really don’t know what is going on and I am very confused and afraid. For the last year and some change I have not been able to avoid the constant intense desire to violently commit suicide. I fight it by trying to think hard about my family and friends and dog and all the good things in life I have to life for, but I am tired of fighting my own brain this hard every single moment of the day. There are many many days where it feels like I reach my absolute breaking point and I think I’m going to do it. BUT THEN!!!!!! If I let a couple of hours go by or smoke some weed, I feel fine? Great even! But thats the thing, I never really know when that’s going to end. I don’t know the next time I’ll feel better, or the next time I’ll feel this low. It just kind of hits me and catches me off guard every single time. I have always had intense emotional problems even since early childhood, and I recall having suicidal ideations at even like 5 or 6 years old. I have been diagnosed as bipolar 2 a year ago, but I absolutely believe I have a wild case of BPD. I have thought that since high school, but only in these recent sophomore and junior years of college have the suicidal ideations have become intense urges. - -It feels like I have tried every other option to try to feel “happy”/“better” but they all either don’t work to work for a short time and eventually fail. I’ve tried therapy last year for the first time thru my school, it was okay. They put me on 5mg Abilify, and that helped a bit seemed. When I was on the meds I would often joke to myself “I’m glad im on these meds because if I wasn’t I was definitely going to kill myself”, but I dont take them anymore, my mother was very concerned about all the side effects I was having (random spells of fainting or vomiting) and heavily encouraged me to get off it, and she also mentioned that maybe my emotional problems were intensified by the sudden conditions from covid on a teenager (well, I was back then) and that “everyone was going through a hard time” and that made sense to me so I decided to get off it. I dont think I’ll be able to afford it anyway after college. But thats just some side background info. - -There are times I have blanked and scared myself and that’s what makes me feel like my life is in danger sometimes. There was a time last year during an episode I just started stabbing my arm repeatedly with my cuticle nipper manicure tool thing. It broke the skin but they were all obviously very tiny. It always scared me looking back because I think if it was a razor blade or a knife or something it would have killed me. I didn’t even know what I was doing. My emotions were so strong and I just started doing it. There was another time this year where during another episode I mindlessly drove to target early in the morning to get a fresh pack of razor blades to cut myself with. I did not realize what I was doing until I got all the way back home and was trying to figure out how to work the razor blade dispenser. It just hit me, “wow did I really just get in my car drive 10 mins to target and buy nothing but razor blades,, to cut myself and maybe kill myself with????”. This is where I worried I was getting out of control and might actually do it one day, I am scared it is soon. I don’t want it to be but I am scared it might be. The urge is so strong there are times I feel no longer in complete control of my actions. - -I am scared I am checking the boxes for someone who is experiencing a mental health emergency. But I don’t know if I really am, or if im just someone who is overdramatic, sensitive, life-inexperienced, privileged, and attention-seeking. There are times I fear that I am being attention-seeking and being manipulative with my emotions, even when I am alone and express them and don’t talk to anyone irl about it. That confuses me the most. But I can never really be sure, which leads me to reddit. - -Sometimes I think back on my thoughts (if that makes sense) and look back at previous questions I’ve asked and don’t know if they are normal or not. To a degree I know they aren’t, but I don’t know if it’s really that bad. I am afraid sometimes that if I do kill myself, all these things, along with my search history, music taste, social behavior, substance abuse problem (shit I’ll admit it), etc etc are all indicative of someone who is going to kill themselves. I look in the mirror and see someone who is going to kill themselves soon. I dont want to do it. I dont want to do it. I always think to myself “am I going to be a suicide statistic? Are these all the inevitable signs and symptoms? Am I about to be one of the 1.1% of college students to kill themselves?” This thought distresses me very much. I have never attempted suicide before. I personally know people and read about people online who have, but when they describe their emotions I do not really relate to them. It seems as though my condition is never really as serious as theirs. Like I said, I’ve never officially tried before, these people have, so it makes me think that whatever crazy shit is going on in my head I just need to get over. I wish so desperately that I could do that. I think I am just emotionally weak. - -You can go back in my post history and see me weird posts. Some I have hidden to avoid ridicule, but I don’t know how to get them back. I notice people around me always ask if I’m okay if I ever accidentally share the slightest tip of the iceberg of my feelings with them, and the comments I get on reddit posts telling me that I should seek professional help immediately. I was looking on my school’s counseling website and they have a whole special section for resources for people who might need “Immediate” help. Am I really one of those people? Am I experiencing a mental health emergency? Do I need to be monitored in a hospital? There are times I do feel like I am a potential danger to myself, but unlike depressed people, I at least am able to feel great sometimes. When I hear about people who come back from “grippy sock vacation” (I really cringe at that term but thats what everyone around me seems to use), they mention their traumas and abuses and I didn’t really have it as bad as them. I am just sensitive. - -I come to reddit in desperation. I have never known how to express my feelings on this without accidentally guilt tripping or manipulating people, so I avoid talking about my feelings with people I know irl, outside of therapists. Do I really need help? Like hospital help? Is this an emergency? It feels like one but is it really? Please help me - -Tl:dr; I dont want to kill myself but I a scared that I might, or am I just being a weirdo?",1,know know know really really know going confused afraid last year change able avoid constant intense desire violently commit suicide fight trying think hard family friend dog good thing life life tired fighting brain hard every single moment day many many day feel like reach absolute breaking point think going let couple hour go smoke weed feel fine great even thats thing never really know going end know next time feel better next time feel low kind hit catch guard every single time always intense emotional problem even since early childhood recall suicidal ideation even like year old diagnosed bipolar year ago absolutely believe wild case bpd thought since high school recent sophomore junior year college suicidal ideation become intense urge feel like tried every option try feel happy better either work work short time eventually fail tried therapy last year first time thru school okay put mg abilify helped bit seemed med would often joke glad im med definitely going kill dont take anymore mother concerned side effect random spell fainting vomiting heavily encouraged get also mentioned maybe emotional problem intensified sudden condition covid teenager well back everyone going hard time made sense decided get dont think able afford anyway college thats side background info time blanked scared make feel like life danger sometimes time last year episode started stabbing arm repeatedly cuticle nipper manicure tool thing broke skin obviously tiny always scared looking back think razor blade knife something would killed even know emotion strong started another time year another episode mindlessly drove target early morning get fresh pack razor blade cut realize got way back home trying figure work razor blade dispenser hit wow really get car drive 0 min target buy nothing razor blade cut maybe kill worried getting control might actually one day scared soon want scared might urge strong time feel longer complete control action scared checking box someone experiencing mental health emergency know really im someone overdramatic sensitive life inexperienced privileged attention seeking time fear attention seeking manipulative emotion even alone express talk anyone irl confuses never really sure lead reddit sometimes think back thought make sense look back previous question asked know normal degree know know really bad afraid sometimes kill thing along search history music taste social behavior substance abuse problem shit admit etc etc indicative someone going kill look mirror see someone going kill soon dont want dont want always think going suicide statistic inevitable sign symptom one college student kill thought distress much never attempted suicide personally know people read people online describe emotion really relate seems though condition never really serious like said never officially tried people make think whatever crazy shit going head need get wish desperately could think emotionally weak go back post history see weird post hidden avoid ridicule know get back notice people around always ask okay ever accidentally share slightest tip iceberg feeling comment get reddit post telling seek professional help immediately looking school counseling website whole special section resource people might need immediate help really one people experiencing mental health emergency need monitored hospital time feel like potential danger unlike depressed people least able feel great sometimes hear people come back grippy sock vacation really cringe term thats everyone around seems use mention trauma abuse really bad sensitive come reddit desperation never known express feeling without accidentally guilt tripping manipulating people avoid talking feeling people know irl outside therapist really need help like hospital help emergency feel like one really please help tl dr dont want kill scared might weirdo -"I researched and it took me 15 mins to get a recipe for a combination of different meds that will do the trick. -It will cost me less than a hundred but I'm broke af. - -Everytime something happens now it just makes me feel better, because it reminds me that my decision is correct. - -Don't need my parents denying therapy, but then complaining about my behavior. -Don't need my bfs stupid rules and controlling behavior. -Don't need a place in a world where I'm scared of so many people, where I'm angry at so many people, where the rise of feminism tells me that men are overdramatic and whatnot, where it's racist to call a dish shitty that's from another culture, where people will comment on my looks and send deaththreats or call me an internet rambo when I'm hiding, where there's bullies that gave me social anxiety, where my autism has given me a handicap that at this point is out of control, where I outzone while driving and almost run over a a dude, where I have to understand everyone, while nobody understands me. - -I do not need this negativity",1,researched took min get recipe combination different med trick cost le hundred broke af everytime something happens make feel better reminds decision correct need parent denying therapy complaining behavior need bfs stupid rule controlling behavior need place world scared many people angry many people rise feminism tell men overdramatic whatnot racist call dish shitty another culture people comment look send deaththreats call internet rambo hiding bully gave social anxiety autism given handicap point control outzone driving almost run dude understand everyone nobody understands need negativity -"I’ve been on meds for a few years now which have worked for the most part up until last year. I contracted an illness which gave me stomach problems and the issue has kind of persisted ever since. - -My health has never been great. Eating disorders and weight issues mainly, as well as really unsightly skin. But this stomach issue has taken what life I had away and now, as much as I’m not screaming and crying about wanting to die.. it almost feels like a logical step at this point. - -I want to live. I want to have a life and live it freely to the fullest. But I’m trapped now in this body and have to cancel most plans I do make. If I couldn’t work from home I’d probably be jobless, and the work that is site-based I let people down on a lot which I hate. I feel like a failed experiment of a human that should just be put in the bin. I feel guilty because of the somewhat privilege I do have, but that’s still not been enough. I’ve failed myself and now my body is failing me. There’s also a history of cancer and tumours in my family, which makes me scared that I’ll lose the ability to use my limbs just like my mom. And I don’t have anyone in my life to take care of me like she does. What’s the point in just sitting around and waiting for that time to come? Every week is a fight to get back on track but it’s always 2 steps forward and 3 or 4 back. - -I’m scared to die. But I don’t feel like I have a choice. I’m just putting off the inevitable. - -I don’t even know the best way to do it. I’m even too much of a coward. There’s always been this one little bit of hope holding me back, but that light of hope is getting dimmer by the day.",1,med year worked part last year contracted illness gave stomach problem issue kind persisted ever since health never great eating disorder weight issue mainly well really unsightly skin stomach issue taken life away much screaming cry wanting die almost feel like logical step point want live want life live freely fullest trapped body cancel plan make work home probably jobless work site based let people lot hate feel like failed experiment human put bin feel guilty somewhat privilege still enough failed body failing also history cancer tumour family make scared lose ability use limb like mom anyone life take care like point sitting around waiting time come every week fight get back track always step forward back scared die feel like choice putting inevitable even know best way even much coward always one little bit hope holding back light hope getting dimmer day -"What to do when depression is so bad you can't function properly? - -I shower every 3-4 days and I don't brush my teeth once every few weeks and I fear that it will cause problems in the future. I just ate like 3 donuts and chips (I'm not fat btw lol) and I can't fucking bring myself to get out of bed, i don't know why.",1,depression bad function properly shower every day brush teeth every week fear cause problem future ate like donut chip fat btw lol fucking bring get bed know -"Hello, - - -It's getting hard for me, I don't know if I'm really suicidal or not, but I wish I could just... not wake up. I think about that every night before going to bed, and when waking up. - -I hate myself for this, I clearly don't have that much problems in life... I don't have money problems, I have friends, I am healthy. Yet, there are times where I just feel so crushed, and it hurts so much to keep on living. People have it muc worse and they are still doing so much better. And I have trouble getting up in the morning, and doing simple, things. - -I don't have any hope to find happiness in the future, my therapist try to help me and is very nice but it's just not enough. - -I have felt like this for too long, it just never ends, and not existing would just... solve it all. In the end we all end up dying, I don't want to just continue living ""just to see what it's like"", I just want to end it sometimes. Yes it's selfish, but I won't be conscious anymore to see myself be sad from my decision anyway. Yes there are things that I like in life but, honestly, when I'm in a bad state, I don't care anymore, I don't look forward to those things and I just want a realease from the mental pain. - -Don't worry tho, I don't have the guts to do anything anyway, and I'm not looking for help or advice. I am just rambling and expressing how I'm feeling because it makes me feel a tiny bit better to let it all out. - - -If you read it all, well thank you.",1,hello getting hard know really suicidal wish could wake think every night going bed waking hate clearly much problem life money problem friend healthy yet time feel crushed hurt much keep living people muc worse still much better trouble getting morning simple thing hope find happiness future therapist try help nice enough felt like long never end existing would solve end end dying want continue living see like want end sometimes yes selfish conscious anymore see sad decision anyway yes thing like life honestly bad state care anymore look forward thing want realease mental pain worry tho gut anything anyway looking help advice rambling expressing feeling make feel tiny bit better let read well thank -"Let me explain. If you have suicidal thoughts or behavior technically your not well mentally, but if you do drugs just 1 time or just for experience it’s not a big deal. You won’t be trapped down ,watched 24/7 in a mental hospital. Taking medication. -Or like abortion. It’s a woman’s body and choice into abort a baby and we should respect their decisions but what if a person is cutting or hurting themselves it’s a problem even tho it’s their decision into doing it but doctors and therapist say it’s wrong and something is wrong with them mentally. Why",1,let explain suicidal thought behavior technically well mentally drug time experience big deal trapped watched mental hospital taking medication like abortion woman body choice abort baby respect decision person cutting hurting problem even tho decision doctor therapist say wrong something wrong mentally -When I slit my wrist we will see it’s a 50/50 at this point,1,slit wrist see 0 0 point -"For the past week or so I’ve been what I can best describe as lonely. Maybe even despondent, I’ve been trying to find ways to keep myself from having that hole in my chest form again but it keeps happening. It’s so familiar and safe yet it seems to make me feel like I’ll forever be alone and dead, every memory of my childhood has been flooding my brain. I want it to stop, I hate reliving those memories. My body feels like it’s caked in slime no matter how many times I shower and try to scrub away the feeling of hands on me. I can’t get them off me, I just want them to stop touching me. - -I don’t know why I’m feeling this way either, I saw my friends. I’ve actually been trying to take care of myself but this feelings keeps coming back and pulling down to a bottomless pit of hell. I really want to feel better again. Not like this.",1,past week best describe lonely maybe even despondent trying find way keep hole chest form keep happening familiar safe yet seems make feel like forever alone dead every memory childhood flooding brain want stop hate reliving memory body feel like caked slime matter many time shower try scrub away feeling hand get want stop touching know feeling way either saw friend actually trying take care feeling keep coming back pulling bottomless pit hell really want feel better like -Tired of details just going to get to the point I have attempted before and lately I’ve been feeling like attempting again might try to think of a plan or talk myself out of it idk yet we’ll see how life treats me the next few days,1,tired detail going get point attempted lately feeling like attempting might try think plan talk idk yet see life treat next day -"it’s so stupid . but my body aches. i have never felt so sad before. im so emotionally and physically drained. i don’t care about myself anymore. i hate myself and the stupid relationship i was in. it ruined me. all i want to do is take a bunch of pills and curl up into a ball. i have no friends who i can talk to either. im so lonely. i don’t talk to anyone and i feel so isolated and crazy. who knew i would end up like this. i feel ashamed - -I still have the suicide letter i wrote a year ago. There’s nothing I want to change about it.",1,stupid body ache never felt sad im emotionally physically drained care anymore hate stupid relationship ruined want take bunch pill curl ball friend talk either im lonely talk anyone feel isolated crazy knew would end like feel ashamed still suicide letter wrote year ago nothing want change -"What if one day i just end it all and die. - -Then all my efforts shall gone wasted, - -Those who care about me shall get angry about how I got defeated, - -But everything will end, on the day i die - - - -It's not hard to kill myself ya know - -Just.. kill. There are so many ways i can do that. - -What if i dont want to fight anymore - -Fuck depression, imma just give up - -What if i just let go and go self harm - -Go deep in anorexia, idk - -It's not that hard to let go my efforts - -Maybe someday ill die - -Randomly - -It wont be surprising to anyone - -I've been suicidal for so long - - -Who knows - -If i just give in to an urge one day - -Boom im dead haha - -Maybe ill be dead by tomorrow - -Maybe after a while - -Maybe after a few weeks - -You'll never know, you'll never know - -I'll kill and end it all",1,one day end die effort shall gone wasted care shall get angry got defeated everything end day die hard kill ya know kill many way dont want fight anymore fuck depression imma give let go go self harm go deep anorexia idk hard let go effort maybe someday ill die randomly wont surprising anyone suicidal long know give urge one day boom im dead haha maybe ill dead tomorrow maybe maybe week never know never know kill end -"Idk what to do, I dont wanna live but I dont wanna live either wtf should I do",1,idk dont wan na live dont wan na live either wtf -"Please don't judge me for what I do or how I'm handling my current situation, I don't have the capacity to get a job so I'm a hooker. And I barely get any clients sadly, I don't even make enough to eat, I don't have a place of my own, I give whatever I make to roommates so they can afford rent, gas, groceries etc. I dreamed of being a mom and teacher, since freshman year I wanted to attend University but...my mom forced me out of school at 17 and now I'm 18...almost 20...still no education, no job, nothing... I know that this will probably be a rash decision but, nobody will really care anyways. I have no other way out, I am just a street loser like my entire family and like my mom wanted me to be...",1,please judge handling current situation capacity get job hooker barely get client sadly even make enough eat place give whatever make roommate afford rent gas grocery etc dreamed mom teacher since freshman year wanted attend university mom forced school almost 0 still education job nothing know probably rash decision nobody really care anyways way street loser like entire family like mom wanted -"my plan was to be dead by the end of march. I couldn’t muster the courage to put the bag over my head and turn the valve, so I’m just stuck here now. left sitting here by myself, with all my friends cutoff. no car, no job, no hope. not gonna be able to cover my bills this month. I’m a fucking waste. please someone come over here and blow my brains out.",1,plan dead end march muster courage put bag head turn valve stuck left sitting friend cutoff car job hope gon na able cover bill month fucking waste please someone come blow brain -"Sorry about the structure being bad in this, I just need to write down my thoughts - -I genuinely don't see the point in living anymore, I might as well just kill myself now and save myself from the bleak future that is coming. - -With climate change, war, famine and all this other stuff that is going to happen and shows no sign of stopping, I might as well just kill myself now before it all goes horrible. - -The only thing really keeping me from doing it is the thought of my family and how devastating it would be for them to lose their son. - -I'm still young, I haven't got a guaranteed future, what's the point.",1,sorry structure bad need write thought genuinely see point living anymore might well kill save bleak future coming climate change war famine stuff going happen show sign stopping might well kill go horrible thing really keeping thought family devastating would lose son still young got guaranteed future point -"I have bi polar disorder and per my therapisti have dismisive atrachment issues. - But right now I am struggling. Probably worse than I have in a while. In a drunken fit I deleted almost all of the numbers in my phone so I had no one to reach out to . I even called by sister. But found myself hanging up after the first ring because I don't want to bother her. -I am in a low point right now and I can't pull myself out of it. I feel so weak. -My life is the best it has ever been. I have all of the reasons to be happy and yet I am here I right now, contemplating feeling like i am at the end of my rope. I have the life I have always dreamed of. And I just feel like I can't hack it anymore. -I can feel myself breaking at the seems. My thoughts are everywhere. -I do y know where I am at right now. But I am scared. I feel like of I reach out to my family. They will say I am doing it for attention.",1,bi polar disorder per therapisti dismisive atrachment issue right struggling probably worse drunken fit deleted almost number phone one reach even called sister found hanging first ring want bother low point right pull feel weak life best ever reason happy yet right contemplating feeling like end rope life always dreamed feel like hack anymore feel breaking seems thought everywhere know right scared feel like reach family say attention -"I just don't care anymore I don't care what happens anymore just fucking kill me I'm done. I don't have the will to do this anymore. I realize no matter what I do my life will always get worse so I should just do it and get it over with. I tried I waited 35 years for it to get better but that's not going to happen my health is shit, my mental health is shit and my mind just keeps processing ways to get the job done. - -I wish I would have drowned asa child because than I wouldn't know this pain and I'd have less to leave behind. I would have at least had some level of hope before departing but lifes a bitch and then you die. I know the end will come before the end of this year but now I'm certain the timeline has been moved up more like months maybe it will be today, maybe tomorrow I don't know yet but I won't see 36 because I have no desire to live that long. - -I don't care anymore this whole world's a poorly written joke anyways where some will struggle till death and others will constantly have things work out. Than the assholes will tell you ""oh it gets better"" well I've waited long enough and I'm done playing this game I don't care anymore. I know I have undiagnosed PTSD and I know who is responsible and that they'll never be punished I can barely even get people in my own family to believe me about the cause. I'm so tired of this world so tired of everything. I have no use for a God so I can only ask of nature no matter what label I give it the request is the same please kill me and return me to the Earth leaving behind not even a memory. Erase every trace of my existence and make everyone forget me that is my only wish at this point.",1,care anymore care happens anymore fucking kill done anymore realize matter life always get worse get tried waited year get better going happen health shit mental health shit mind keep processing way get job done wish would drowned asa child know pain le leave behind would least level hope departing life bitch die know end come end year certain timeline moved like month maybe today maybe tomorrow know yet see desire live long care anymore whole world poorly written joke anyways struggle till death others constantly thing work asshole tell oh get better well waited long enough done playing game care anymore know undiagnosed ptsd know responsible never punished barely even get people family believe cause tired world tired everything use god ask nature matter label give request please kill return earth leaving behind even memory erase every trace existence make everyone forget wish point -"It’s almost funny. “I don’t want you to feel like I’m giving up, I’m just worried that you’ll start to resent therapy or resent me”",1,almost funny want feel like giving worried start resent therapy resent -"For context, I’m a 26 yr old mom of two kids. My daughter is 6 and my son is 4 months. - -I have been struggling with all types of mental illness for as long as I can remember. I was raised by a narcissist alcoholic mom and a dad who was barely there because he was working to support us. I have attempted to take my life more than 7 times and have been hospitalized for my mental health and nothing seems to help. I’m in therapy and on meds and I am just tired of fighting myself. I just want it all to stop. My husband is never really home do you work and I’m all alone all the time with our kids. The only reason I’m still alive is because they need me… not even because I want to be alive. There is nothing enjoyable for me anymore. Every time I think about it, I cry. I cry for my kids who deserve a better mom and a better life. I cry for my husband who doesn’t understand what it’s like to feel this way and thinks I should just be ok. I cry because I want it all to end so badly and I can’t even do that right. I’m not still here because I want to be and I feel so much guilt for that. I just want to feel normal and sometimes it feels like dying is the only way to make it stop.",1,context yr old mom two kid daughter son month struggling type mental illness long remember raised narcissist alcoholic mom dad barely working support u attempted take life time hospitalized mental health nothing seems help therapy med tired fighting want stop husband never really home work alone time kid reason still alive need even want alive nothing enjoyable anymore every time think cry cry kid deserve better mom better life cry husband understand like feel way think ok cry want end badly even right still want feel much guilt want feel normal sometimes feel like dying way make stop -"I feel like wanting to die - -Why do i not have friends? I feel soo empty lonely! I mean i do have a lot of people i talk to on a daily basis but for some reason i feel the need to always have someone almost all the time with me like if i stay alone for 2-3 hours i feel lonely? - -It is weird i just wish to be happy i don't want to kill myself :(",1,feel like wanting die friend feel soo empty lonely mean lot people talk daily basis reason feel need always someone almost time like stay alone hour feel lonely weird wish happy want kill -"My imagination is not vivid enough to have faith in Gods, spirits, and the Afterlife. Death will come no matter what. And when it comes, your consciousness dissappears. You don't feel pain. You don't feel happiness. You don't feel sadness. You feel nothing and you think nothing. You simply cease to exist. - -But I respect those who want to live. It's futile, sure, but I respect their decision. The thing is, if you want to live, then you have to be strong in order to make it through all the hardships life throws at you. Weaklings will only hinder the strong. There are those who was weak, but then became stronger. And then there are those like me, who stay weak and doesn't have the will to get stronger. My friends, my family, my relatives and my neighbors all do their jobs despite not really liking them, while I'm just lying here not wanting to do anything. - -If God actually existed, he would be a sadist for putting me in such a strong body (I once eat on the same table with two COVID-19 patients without catching it). Or maybe he's also a weakling who can never get things right. My body should've been used by someone stronger than me, like Steven Hawkings, then I would kill myself once our bodies got exchanged. He is someone who can actually contribute to the world of the living. - -My death would be that by hanging. Once I'm dead, all people have to do is untie the rope and throw me into the fire. They won't have to waste time finding my body. They won't have to scrape my brains and blood off the wall. And I will make sure to write a note telling the police that I have not been murdered by anyone, directly or indirectly. Everyone will go on with their lives and maybe forget who I am, which is definitely a good thing. - -Those thoughts are like an immortal entity. I can do nothing but run away from it by distracting myself with anime, memes, games, novels, music, self-harm. That entity, however, would simply sit down and wait patiently because it knows full well that no matter what I do, I would still stumble into its hands",1,imagination vivid enough faith god spirit afterlife death come matter come consciousness dissappears feel pain feel happiness feel sadness feel nothing think nothing simply cease exist respect want live futile sure respect decision thing want live strong order make hardship life throw weakling hinder strong weak became stronger like stay weak get stronger friend family relative neighbor job despite really liking lying wanting anything god actually existed would sadist putting strong body eat table two covid 9 patient without catching maybe also weakling never get thing right body used someone stronger like steven hawking would kill body got exchanged someone actually contribute world living death would hanging dead people untie rope throw fire waste time finding body scrape brain blood wall make sure write note telling police murdered anyone directly indirectly everyone go life maybe forget definitely good thing thought like immortal entity nothing run away distracting anime meme game novel music self harm entity however would simply sit wait patiently know full well matter would still stumble hand -"I just can't take it I didn't even have serious trauma it was my fault and still I can't get over it. It's been three years, I said i forgave him for forcing me to have sex, so many times, so many months, so many things. I was young I didn't know how sex should work, I didn't even consider my voice mattered. I'm so sorry for my younger self I didn't help her and now everything is my fault. -I just will never be able to love someone again, to have any sexual intimacy. I miss who I was, romantic, passionate, innocent. I'm just starting to realize how everything I do is related to this!! How can I be so slow. The nightmares, the panic attacks when I feel my voice isn't listened to, how I keep getting drunk and letting some random dude fuck me because it gives them pleasure, if I start it maybe it means I am in control. If I have sex maybe it means it wasn't such a big deal. But I can't take it sober, I have only had sex sober once, and drunk way too many. I hurt so much the day after, I try to forget. can't take it anymore. I can't forget all these people touching me, how much they enjoy it. I did this myself. I let them. I was never raped. It's my fault I'm this miserable. I want to hate those guys, I think I do, but I let them. - -Some people consider they only lost their virginity the first time they actually wanted to have sex, it's funny to think I can be a virgin after so many times... - -No one needs to read this I'm sorry I just need to say it at least once, I can never say it. Up to recently I didn't even believe anything had happened. I know I don't deserve any sympathy after how I did this myself, I don't need any, just hear me out...",1,take even serious trauma fault still get three year said forgave forcing sex many time many month many thing young know sex work even consider voice mattered sorry younger self help everything fault never able love someone sexual intimacy miss romantic passionate innocent starting realize everything related slow nightmare panic attack feel voice listened keep getting drunk letting random dude fuck give pleasure start maybe mean control sex maybe mean big deal take sober sex sober drunk way many hurt much day try forget take anymore forget people touching much enjoy let never raped fault miserable want hate guy think let people consider lost virginity first time actually wanted sex funny think virgin many time one need read sorry need say least never say recently even believe anything happened know deserve sympathy need hear -"This is it. I'm sorry but I can't do this anymore. I'm tired and alone and I used up my resources to help me survive but it's over now. - -I know my ex will be happier without me around and I know he will take care of our cats as I would. It's going to suck not being alive anymore but I'm done struggling to breathe. I'm exhausted, I'm bled dry. - -I hope my friends and family can forgive me.",1,sorry anymore tired alone used resource help survive know ex happier without around know take care cat would going suck alive anymore done struggling breathe exhausted bled dry hope friend family forgive -"I am a late 50,s man in canada.I have discovered i am bisexual,my friends and family would be shocked.I have always been with women my whole life until last weekend.I was helping a coworker and his wife move.We were finished and I needed to use the bathroom before I left.When I came out they asked me straight out if i wanted to have sex with them.I was taken aback for sure,but i felt my fantasy was coming true. It was a wondeful experince,never had a man give me oral sex before and I returned the [favou](https://favour.No)r.Now i feel like my friends and family will reject me and i feel i should just end my life and aviod the [hassle.My](https://hassle.My) life is worthless and I feel after this happened i am done.",1,late 0 man canada discovered bisexual friend family would shocked always woman whole life last weekend helping coworker wife move finished needed use bathroom left came asked straight wanted sex taken aback sure felt fantasy coming true wondeful experince never man give oral sex returned favou http favour r feel like friend family reject feel end life aviod hassle http hassle life worthless feel happened done -,1,nan -"Is it somewhat normal that I want to attempt suicide just to prove to myself that I'm actually depressed and suicidal, and that I'm brave and not a coward? Sometimes I don't think I'm even depressed and that I'm just feeling very lonely and numb. Sometimes I feel like I need to do very dangerous things so that I don't feel weak and like a failure since people much younger than me commit suicide all the time.",1,somewhat normal want attempt suicide prove actually depressed suicidal brave coward sometimes think even depressed feeling lonely numb sometimes feel like need dangerous thing feel weak like failure since people much younger commit suicide time -"32y male -So for the last couple of years I've been sad depressed at first not too bad like just gloomy but progressively stronger but maybe for the last maybe year to year and a half it's gotten pretty dark everything seems meaningless for a little back ground I'm in a very healthy relationship my relationship with my parents was pretty good for the most part up until recently but everything's o.k just regular petty things I grew up an only child spent allot of time alone parents worked day allot love them for it so I've gotten pretty good at hiding most of anything that's going on all smiles and small talk but recently I get this deep deep sadness it almost feels like I'm in a vast dark room by myself screaming but it's silent and then I think of a bliss darkness like if only I could keep my eyes shut it'll all go away -When I feel like this I hide in a dark room usually cry I don't really know why - - -I didn't proof read this I've never told any one these things and I feel like if I read it back I'm gonna back out and erase it so sorry if it's all messed up",1,male last couple year sad depressed first bad like gloomy progressively stronger maybe last maybe year year half gotten pretty dark everything seems meaningless little back ground healthy relationship relationship parent pretty good part recently everything k regular petty thing grew child spent allot time alone parent worked day allot love gotten pretty good hiding anything going smile small talk recently get deep deep sadness almost feel like vast dark room screaming silent think bliss darkness like could keep eye shut go away feel like hide dark room usually cry really know proof read never told one thing feel like read back gon na back erase sorry messed -"I married my fiancé from another nationality and moved to his country (South Korea). I’ve been here for almost three months and things have been rough. My husband works all day, at least 10 hours a day, and when he has free time, all we do is fight, he’s even violent sometimes. -I am an online teacher and he keeps my money, he doesn’t allow me to get a real job until I learn Korean, but I am struggling with it. I spent all my savings to move in here so literally I have no money. -We live with his parents and they are nice but at the same time, overprotective. I don’t have freedom to go out, they tell me what to eat, what to wear, they take all the decisions in my life. I feel controlled and my husband agrees with that. Also I don’t have any friends, I don’t feel loved by my husband and I don’t love him anymore. Even one of his friends treat me better. I am completely alone. -I told my parents I want to go back home and they said I have to fight for my marriage, so no support from them or another family members. -I think my only way to feel free is dying, so I don’t know if I can handle this situation anymore.",1,married fianc another nationality moved country south korea almost three month thing rough husband work day least 0 hour day free time fight even violent sometimes online teacher keep money allow get real job learn korean struggling spent saving move literally money live parent nice time overprotective freedom go tell eat wear take decision life feel controlled husband agrees also friend feel loved husband love anymore even one friend treat better completely alone told parent want go back home said fight marriage support another family member think way feel free dying know handle situation anymore -I’d rather not exist,1,rather exist -"I'm so tired of living, today I had a Lot of panic attacks at school and my mom had to come for me hours before the school period ended. I feel so worthless, today I had a lot classes who stress me so much. I hate it so much, I'm tired of living and trying. Because yes, dad! I'm trying! I swear I'm trying! If only you were more comprehensive and stopped calling me a crybaby and stupid maybe I would feel better!",1,tired living today lot panic attack school mom come hour school period ended feel worthless today lot class stress much hate much tired living trying yes dad trying swear trying comprehensive stopped calling crybaby stupid maybe would feel better -"so the next fall is deeper and harder to bear. each time there's one little glimmer of hope I know that it's ephemeral and could be gone the next day but I can't stop myself from getting lost in it, thinking maybe this time it could be real for a while. and some times it does lurking there for a while, like just right then, but when it's lost it's going down ten times worse than the last, and the anxious and unbearable state I'm in is urging me to destroy myself even more. it's like being locked inside a transparent box full of insects and reptiles crawling over me, it's slowburn and icky and suffocating I just want to bite my tongue off quick to release myself from the situation but I'm still scared of the monstrous pain that act would cause me and if I'm not dead immediately it's grotesque. - -I made a first post here a while ago just to let it out, I don't think anyone would care but I got called a -very nasty stupid word like I'm always afraid would happen if I even complain in real life so I don't even want to talk about it. right now I just can't take any more anxiety. I don't even want to think about it and write them down anyway, same shit all over again. why don't I get used to it when it keeps happening, am I that weak. it's like how dare you have depression and suicidal attempts if your life looks like you're having a fucking blast. believe me it's all a big facade I'm putting up so I could delay the speed of this horrible decay inside me to feel a bit bearable to last one more day. but nowadays I just stop giving a fuck and destroy everything in my life and lock myself inside my room. I use humor and shit to cope so I think at least there's one good thing coming from this right now is that I couldn't eat a thing so I'm getting thinner to bones and skin like I always wish, and if I die right now I could look prettier than ever before. - -I'm glad you read until now and I do appreciate that. it makes me feel a bit bearable for now. my anxiety level keeps shooting through the roof, I just try really really hard to not harm myself and fall to the pit again.",1,next fall deeper harder bear time one little glimmer hope know ephemeral could gone next day stop getting lost thinking maybe time could real time lurking like right lost going ten time worse last anxious unbearable state urging destroy even like locked inside transparent box full insect reptile crawling slowburn icky suffocating want bite tongue quick release situation still scared monstrous pain act would cause dead immediately grotesque made first post ago let think anyone would care got called nasty stupid word like always afraid would happen even complain real life even want talk right take anxiety even want think write anyway shit get used keep happening weak like dare depression suicidal attempt life look like fucking blast believe big facade putting could delay speed horrible decay inside feel bit bearable last one day nowadays stop giving fuck destroy everything life lock inside room use humor shit cope think least one good thing coming right eat thing getting thinner bone skin like always wish die right could look prettier ever glad read appreciate make feel bit bearable anxiety level keep shooting roof try really really hard harm fall pit -"I have no one to tell this so i want to throw it here, maybe i will delete it, my mind kills me. But i just wanted to let some guys see what i struggle with. -My entire life i was a disgrace. I am not able to run like others to, shitty reflexes, an ugly body, a weak brain. Had a terrible social life that my entire life i dreamed about being noticed by the people. Smiling, finding some people that can bear my voice, what flows from my mouth. But thats the long story. I wanted to move out of my country, to europe. -But i failed again, just like i failed my entire life, i am just a simple failure. Not successful at one simple thing. I am just lost i am just late. No where to go, i have to leave the home. I am losing my youth. I don't remember laughing once for months. I have nothing, i am nothing. It hurts so much watching your youth slipping away from your hands. The only thing i have. One and only. Now i want to end my life, atleast it will al end i just want to escape. I am just so weak i cant take it anymore. I cant. A weak sperm, i was not even able to compete in equal condition. When were same age, same classes. Now i am just done. -It hurts so much, i also have to leave the house stay with nothing again. I cant take my abusive parents anymore. I am also very ashamed that i waste their money too. Many people in worse conditions were able to accomplish atleast simple task. Me? Who even i am. I wish i just could move on. Think about something else but no. Even in that i am bad. I am just a clown. People remember me as someone hillarious. -I am planning to kill myself. I cant take all that anymore.",1,one tell want throw maybe delete mind kill wanted let guy see struggle entire life disgrace able run like others shitty reflex ugly body weak brain terrible social life entire life dreamed noticed people smiling finding people bear voice flow mouth thats long story wanted move country europe failed like failed entire life simple failure successful one simple thing lost late go leave home losing youth remember laughing month nothing nothing hurt much watching youth slipping away hand thing one want end life atleast al end want escape weak cant take anymore cant weak sperm even able compete equal condition age class done hurt much also leave house stay nothing cant take abusive parent anymore also ashamed waste money many people worse condition able accomplish atleast simple task even wish could move think something else even bad clown people remember someone hillarious planning kill cant take anymore -"Ironically, my fear of loneliness is what kills my healthiest friendships in the end. I love the world so much. I really do enjoy being alive sometimes. But it's not worth the times when I feel like everything is crashing down on me. That's been every day lately. On and off for years. My greatest fear is being a burden on other people, and I'm a burden on everyone I know. I've had bad patches before and things got better. But knowing there will be a bad patch again makes the joy feel empty. I'm so stupid. I am trying to arrange things so they hurt everyone as little as possible. I know this will hurt many people I love. I feel like such an evil person. I cry too much, I'm crying writing this. I wish I was stronger and not so afraid all the time.",1,ironically fear loneliness kill healthiest friendship end love world much really enjoy alive sometimes worth time feel like everything crashing every day lately year greatest fear burden people burden everyone know bad patch thing got better knowing bad patch make joy feel empty stupid trying arrange thing hurt everyone little possible know hurt many people love feel like evil person cry much cry writing wish stronger afraid time -"I thought I would kill myself, but I freed myself instead. I went to a crisis center. Now, I am taking a stand and speaking my truth. I am telling everybody about the abuse I suffered as a child. My entire family is against me. But I am standing strong anyway. God made me Unbreakable. And all of you, too. You just have to find a way to believe. Believing in myself was the hardest thing I had to learn how to do. But it can be done! And I love you all.",1,thought would kill freed instead went crisis center taking stand speaking truth telling everybody abuse suffered child entire family standing strong anyway god made unbreakable find way believe believing hardest thing learn done love -,1,nan -lasy year or so i've been telling myself i dont know what to do. i stopped playing video games. i stopped watching youtube. i stopped watching netflix. i just play random phone games. that isnt me. i've literally thought about how cults kinda give people reason. im smart enough to not join a cult. will i always have the will though? im losing it daily. i want reason. i dont have reason. no reason at all to do. anything. i have a job. it isnt nice. i want to quit. i want reason,1,lasy year telling dont know stopped playing video game stopped watching youtube stopped watching netflix play random phone game isnt literally thought cult kinda give people reason im smart enough join cult always though im losing daily want reason dont reason reason anything job isnt nice want quit want reason -"after these few days I’ve slowly started to realize something. I’m a living bad omen. - -I have so many issues. I’m so mentally ill. So many disabilities. My life has never been the slightest bit normal. Nothing is ever easy. - -I’m stuck in an Asian household, I’m probably gonna forcefully get married, be a housewife, and get forced to have children. - -I’m not even a woman. But this is a very religious country that believes what you are is what gender your assigned at birth. - -i did fall in love. really hard. But he’s across the world from me, his mom hates me, and everyone is against our relationship. And I’m causing him more harm than anything, and he keeps trying regardless to be with me. - -i hate that. i feel so bad, because I’m not worth it. And it’s not going to amount to anything. - -these few days proved to me that I just have to accept that my life was meant to be a misery. so many problems, so many illnesses. cant even go to school. - -I’ve already attempted today. didn’t work. I wasn’t strong enough. So now I’m just injured. - -I’ve got absolutely nothing going for me. I’m just wasting my parents money for food and clothes. They just wanted a normal kid who can make them proud. I can’t even leave the fucking house. I can barely even see. - -god decided to give me every single bit of ugliness there is in the world. and I’m slowly starting to accept that. -I was rebelling against it for awhile, “I can still amount to something. the world can’t hate me forever” - -but I know it isn’t true. -I wish I could pass in my sleep. Or be able to get a noose to tie on my ceiling fan. - -waking up every day is an absolute misery for me. and I’m just causing more pain to everything and everyone around me. - -imagine living a life where you can’t even look in the mirror. that’s me. I have never once willingly looked in the mirror. - -God won’t give me anything. And I’ve stopped expecting anything at this point. -Death is my only savior, because life holds nothing for me. Only failure, hatred, instability and vulnerability.",1,day slowly started realize something living bad omen many issue mentally ill many disability life never slightest bit normal nothing ever easy stuck asian household probably gon na forcefully get married housewife get forced child even woman religious country belief gender assigned birth fall love really hard across world mom hate everyone relationship causing harm anything keep trying regardless hate feel bad worth going amount anything day proved accept life meant misery many problem many illness cant even go school already attempted today work strong enough injured got absolutely nothing going wasting parent money food clothes wanted normal kid make proud even leave fucking house barely even see god decided give every single bit ugliness world slowly starting accept rebelling awhile still amount something world hate forever know true wish could pas sleep able get noose tie ceiling fan waking every day absolute misery causing pain everything everyone around imagine living life even look mirror never willingly looked mirror god give anything stopped expecting anything point death savior life hold nothing failure hatred instability vulnerability -"I now think about suicide constantly. I feel like it is my only option in the long term. I will never finish school and be able to hold down a job. I will never be able to be stable enough to give my wife children. I can't live up to anything anyone expects of me. - - -I am stuck though. My death would be a catastrophe in my wife's life and my brother's life, and I have a few friends who would be devastated as well. Also, and I really hate to say this... but the biggest reason I can't is because I can't leave my dog with anyone else. He is very attached to me and no one else, and would be very unhappy without me. - - -So I am stuck. I can't function despite 10 years of trying medication and therapy. I have no will to live except not to hurt people around me. I hate this.",1,think suicide constantly feel like option long term never finish school able hold job never able stable enough give wife child live anything anyone expects stuck though death would catastrophe wife life brother life friend would devastated well also really hate say biggest reason leave dog anyone else attached one else would unhappy without stuck function despite 0 year trying medication therapy live except hurt people around hate -"There's just so much. And I can't bear all of it. And God, there's the dumb bullshit that hurts me too. Like being ugly. Horrifyingly, utterly hideous. I get disgusted and want to vomit or scream whenever I look at myself in the mirror. I just want to press a button and die.",1,much bear god dumb bullshit hurt like ugly horrifyingly utterly hideous get disgusted want vomit scream whenever look mirror want press button die -I wish I could just be normal and happy. I have no friends and can't work. I am just so tired of everything. Constant letdowns and failures. I cry and throw up over the littlest things. I barely even go out anymore cause when I do I see groups of friends laughing and talking. People will never understand,1,wish could normal happy friend work tired everything constant letdown failure cry throw littlest thing barely even go anymore cause see group friend laughing talking people never understand -"This so called life changing drugs ruined my life permanently, It gave me permanent sexual issues, some sort of emotional issues. There seems to be no recovery from this. Ive never been like this before. I only had anxiety. its a syndrome called PSSD from ssri. Whats hope? - -&#x200B; - -&#x200B;",1,called life changing drug ruined life permanently gave permanent sexual issue sort emotional issue seems recovery ive never like anxiety syndrome called pssd ssri whats hope amp x 00b amp x 00b -"I am so alone in this world and it is such a pain. It’s so hard for me to function properly. It seems everything is a trigger to me now. Loud noises well any noise, being around people, talking, everything makes me want to relapse. Im gaining weight which has never happened. I’m so ashamed and embarrassed. Yesterday I ate so much I couldn’t even stand up straight and had terrible stomach cramps and felt like vomiting. I even started to have chest pains too. Whether I eat or starve myself it seems I am still digging myself into a grave. So tired of people asking me if I’m in college and then telling me I need to go when I respond no I am not in college. Why do people feel entitled to tell me who to be and what to do with my stupid fucking life? I can’t even take care of myself how the hell am I supposed to balance a job and college? Im sick. I have nobody that loves me and I believe that’s part of the problem. The thing I hate the most is when I hear others talk about how they are lonely too meanwhile they have friends and a family to turn to. I’m so sick and tired of people lying to me. I can’t believe this is the best life has to offer me. I’m so embarrassed. My life was over such a long time ago if I killed myself now there would be no big difference. Everything and everyone will go on.",1,alone world pain hard function properly seems everything trigger loud noise well noise around people talking everything make want relapse im gaining weight never happened ashamed embarrassed yesterday ate much even stand straight terrible stomach cramp felt like vomiting even started chest pain whether eat starve seems still digging grave tired people asking college telling need go respond college people feel entitled tell stupid fucking life even take care hell supposed balance job college im sick nobody love believe part problem thing hate hear others talk lonely meanwhile friend family turn sick tired people lying believe best life offer embarrassed life long time ago killed would big difference everything everyone go -,1,nan -"I broke up with my SO and honestly, I think that was the last thing keeping me from wanting to end things. And it felt like it came out of nowhere, without even a chance to fix things. - -I feel so alone. I barely have any friends left, everyone from high school moved on, everyone from college moved away. I’ve always had trouble with friends, and every time I think I make them they get stripped away or I just become a periphery friend who never gets added to the group chat. I feel incapable of functioning as a normal human and I can’t handle being alone. My job is remote so I can’t even make work friends. I can’t be completely by myself 6 days a week, it feels like solitary confinement. - -I got an ADHD diagnosis recently but my therapist doesn’t even talk about my emotional issues they just focus on if the medication is helpful (it is). I don’t know how to ask for help with anxiety and depression. My family has been distant and I don’t know how to talk to them about this stuff. My mental health always got ignored growing up compared to other members of my family even though the ADHD stuff was super clear in retrospect. Because of the ADHD I ended up a shell of myself as a coping mechanism and that drives people away. Every relationship ends badly or shrivels up and dies. - -I’m failing at my job and might have to quit or get fired because I’m weeks behind. My pet is dying. I didn’t renew my lease because I thought I’d be moving with my ex to a new city so now I don’t even have an apartment for the fall and potentially am still moving there because I need to get away from where I am right now and I have a lease I could sign. Which is definitely not the healthiest choice. And there’s some really bad trauma that I don’t even want to mention here that alone could drive someone to feeling like this. - -When I told my ex how I was feeling they ignored it even though they were the first person I ever told I felt that way. I’ll make sure to tell them it isn’t their fault, but to be honest it definitely added to things. I don’t even need them back I just wanted someone to help me get the therapy I need. - -Literally everything in my life needs to start fresh and I can’t do it, I don’t see the point. Why start literally everything over when you’re haunted by the ghosts of your past and will end up doing the same shit? I’m not ugly, dumb, or out of shape, but if my personality just stays so shitty and I can’t fix it what’s the point? - -My building has a 6th story roof I can get on, I’m gonna climb up and jump off when I get the courage. I have some texts already written out telling people it isn’t their fault, I set my bank up to donate to a local animal shelter, I cleared my browsing history and threw out anything weird from my apartment. I went up last night but only didn’t do it because I got cold. - -The only thing stopping me is how awkward the funeral would be and the pain I’d cause my parents. And honestly I don’t think that’s enough.",1,broke honestly think last thing keeping wanting end thing felt like came nowhere without even chance fix thing feel alone barely friend left everyone high school moved everyone college moved away always trouble friend every time think make get stripped away become periphery friend never get added group chat feel incapable functioning normal human handle alone job remote even make work friend completely day week feel like solitary confinement got adhd diagnosis recently therapist even talk emotional issue focus medication helpful know ask help anxiety depression family distant know talk stuff mental health always got ignored growing compared member family even though adhd stuff super clear retrospect adhd ended shell coping mechanism drive people away every relationship end badly shrivels dy failing job might quit get fired week behind pet dying renew lease thought moving ex new city even apartment fall potentially still moving need get away right lease could sign definitely healthiest choice really bad trauma even want mention alone could drive someone feeling like told ex feeling ignored even though first person ever told felt way make sure tell fault honest definitely added thing even need back wanted someone help get therapy need literally everything life need start fresh see point start literally everything haunted ghost past end shit ugly dumb shape personality stay shitty fix point building th story roof get gon na climb jump get courage text already written telling people fault set bank donate local animal shelter cleared browsing history threw anything weird apartment went last night got cold thing stopping awkward funeral would pain cause parent honestly think enough -"I can’t take my ocd and things I’ve done like played virtual games and had a male friend I feel like a terrible girlfriend. - -Also I can’t take living here with my parents at almost 22 years old, they’re abusive mentally but they’re right I’m never gonna make it in life.",1,take ocd thing done like played virtual game male friend feel like terrible girlfriend also take living parent almost year old abusive mentally right never gon na make life -"I'll have all the equipment by Thursday. I've worked out how much rent to send my flatmates to cover a couple months. I'm getting rid of my clothes by the end of the week. I've written some letters and am going to print out a sheet of my important details. I'm dreading it so much but I also can't wait, time feels so slow and agonising and every time I fall asleep I think what a waste it is to be unconscious and not die in that comfort. - -I don't feel like anyone will miss me, but the hard part is I don't want anyone to have to deal with any admin. I don't want anyone to have to plan anything. It'll be good to go but I hate the fact that someone will have to clean after me, I wish I could just disappear instead. - -Life is really hard and I don't know how people do it. I never understood how people make friends or fall in love or make other people like them, I watch people learn to hate me and I don't know what I'm doing wrong or how to stop it. I've been alone for my life, even my parents didn't want me, and I'll be alone for the rest of it if I stay alive. I wish I had something good to offer that people liked but I don't know what anyone wants or how to give it to them. I don't know what they hate either apparently because I'm giving them that without even realising.",1,equipment thursday worked much rent send flatmate cover couple month getting rid clothes end week written letter going print sheet important detail dreading much also wait time feel slow agonising every time fall asleep think waste unconscious die comfort feel like anyone miss hard part want anyone deal admin want anyone plan anything good go hate fact someone clean wish could disappear instead life really hard know people never understood people make friend fall love make people like watch people learn hate know wrong stop alone life even parent want alone rest stay alive wish something good offer people liked know anyone want give know hate either apparently giving without even realising -"My life is essentially perfect, I have a good family, great friends, loving pets and a fantastic home with opportunities galore. But I still want to end it all, to take that trip down a road that I can't come back from. In theory I should not be sad, but I am and nothing helps. People in this world starve to death and some of my friends don't even have parents left because of terrible accidents. But something as simple as having a slightly bad day; makes me want to give up, how do they keep going? After such awful events. I am not even worthy of feeling sad about my life, let alone end it. Why do I feel selfish enough to feel this way, and to act as if I should be allowed to be depressed?",1,life essentially perfect good family great friend loving pet fantastic home opportunity galore still want end take trip road come back theory sad nothing help people world starve death friend even parent left terrible accident something simple slightly bad day make want give keep going awful event even worthy feeling sad life let alone end feel selfish enough feel way act allowed depressed -"I want to hurt myself, to feel the suffer and hate towards myself for the pain. I want to cry so hard I choke and get one of the worst death. I want to regret when it's to late so it could hunt me down when I'm dying. I despise myself and want the worste for me. But since I'm too pathetic, I will not do it. Also I feel like the only way to see a psychiatric is to survive death. I want a dig, I want more meds, I want stronger one.",1,want hurt feel suffer hate towards pain want cry hard choke get one worst death want regret late could hunt dying despise want worste since pathetic also feel like way see psychiatric survive death want dig want med want stronger one -I am just a kid with a deformity I am in such constant misery I have no friends and I dont even feel human all i do is get made fun of and I cant take it anymore I just want to end it,1,kid deformity constant misery friend dont even feel human get made fun cant take anymore want end -"I feel so lonely and empty, nothing fills that hole. I have to live in a fantasy in my head to try and get some love and appreciation, but as soon as I come back to reality all of it is gone. I want this life to end, I can't take it anymore.",1,feel lonely empty nothing fill hole live fantasy head try get love appreciation soon come back reality gone want life end take anymore -Age 23 nojob sleeping 24/7 thinking of suicide,1,age nojob sleeping thinking suicide -Feel so alone and alienated I think about hanging myself everyday and it’s getting more realistic Everytime I imagine it in my head. I’ve never been the type of person to turn to suicide but I literally have nobody I can turn to and talk to. Every single person I thought would be there turned out to be selfish self centered people and I’ve expressed my thoughts about suicide and none of them care. I feel like they won’t until it’s too late and even then they will feel relieved. I don’t even ask for much but I guess just being there while I fix myself is just asking too much. I’ve googled suicide by hanging and found out it only takes seven minutes to die by hanging. Don’t even have to do it standing up either. I could take a couple pills and put the noose around my neck and lay down with enough pressure on the rope to drift off to whatever is next. And all I wanted was for someone to say that my feelings matter that I matter. I don’t really think at this point there is any other way to stop all the hurt inside me. I’ve lost everything in the last year and a half that I hold near and dear to my heart. I’ve wrote out suicide letters to my loved ones and got my retirement account going to them as well. I guess subconsciously I’ve been planning this out for close to a year now that I think about it. I just don’t understand how I didn’t see how fake the people I surrounded myself and built a foundation for my life l. I feel stupid and blind and used up and tossed out like yesterdays trash. I feel like nowhere is home anymore and my heart breaks for my kids but I rarely get to see them anyway. Who knows maybe I’ll actually get the balls and just do it. Haven’t set a date or anything like that because fuck that. I feel it is going to be very sudden and out of nowhere just here one minute and gone the next. I never in my whole life though I would get to this point but whatever. Thanks for listening I appreciate whoever reads this post taking the time.,1,feel alone alienated think hanging everyday getting realistic everytime imagine head never type person turn suicide literally nobody turn talk every single person thought would turned selfish self centered people expressed thought suicide none care feel like late even feel relieved even ask much guess fix asking much googled suicide hanging found take seven minute die hanging even standing either could take couple pill put noose around neck lay enough pressure rope drift whatever next wanted someone say feeling matter matter really think point way stop hurt inside lost everything last year half hold near dear heart wrote suicide letter loved one got retirement account going well guess subconsciously planning close year think understand see fake people surrounded built foundation life l feel stupid blind used tossed like yesterday trash feel like nowhere home anymore heart break kid rarely get see anyway know maybe actually get ball set date anything like fuck feel going sudden nowhere one minute gone next never whole life though would get point whatever thanks listening appreciate whoever read post taking time -all my colleagues hate me im just so clumy and stupid spilt a bunch of milk on the floor (second time this has happened) and it went on my colleagues shoe and she made a sarcastic comment about it and then her and the other guy i work with were looking like they were talking about me afterwards... i cant do anything right this and everything else thats going on really is not helping the suicidal thoughts...,1,colleague hate im clumy stupid spilt bunch milk floor second time happened went colleague shoe made sarcastic comment guy work looking like talking afterwards cant anything right everything else thats going really helping suicidal thought -"Please help me. I don't want to kill myself. But the world has nothing to offer me, nothing that's making me want to keep going... -I'm terrified of death... But I don't know if that's reason enough to keep going. If I'm going to die anyway, maybe I should speed up the process already? Save the world the trouble. Because the world clearly doesn't want me. I'm not even a real girl... I'm ugly, and I'm not good enough at anything, everybody else is so much better than me. People would rather be with each other instead of me. I'm so forgettable... but I don't want to be... -Death is permanent isolation, permanent darkness, permanent loneliness. And that's not what I want... But I don't think me being alive is what the world wants... -I feel like I'm always the last person anybody would ever want to see at any given moment... -I don't want it to be that way... But everybody else does... -I've tried so hard to find reasons to keep going... They never work, they never last. People leave me behind, everything stops being fun... People stop playing with me... I'm excluded from everything. I'm not good enough to make it in this world. Everything about me is wrong. Nothing I do is good enough. - -I want to keep going, but I have no reason to do so. Nobody is waiting for me, nobody is coming to rescue me. I have nothing. Why should I keep going if I'm going to die anyways? -I'm begging you for an answer, because I have none...",1,please help want kill world nothing offer nothing making want keep going terrified death know reason enough keep going going die anyway maybe speed process already save world trouble world clearly want even real girl ugly good enough anything everybody else much better people would rather instead forgettable want death permanent isolation permanent darkness permanent loneliness want think alive world want feel like always last person anybody would ever want see given moment want way everybody else tried hard find reason keep going never work never last people leave behind everything stop fun people stop playing excluded everything good enough make world everything wrong nothing good enough want keep going reason nobody waiting nobody coming rescue nothing keep going going die anyways begging answer none -I’m thinking about killing myself since I’m 14. Almost did it 3 times and had multiple breakdowns the last 2 years. I’m 16 now and nothing changed. But I want to get better. How do I tell my parents? I really need some advice please.,1,thinking killing since almost time multiple breakdown last year nothing changed want get better tell parent really need advice please -"I don’t mean just dating-wise either. I’ve been rejected by my family, friends, and pretty much everyone else. Last month though I went out with a girl for V-Day and started dating her and very recently she said she wasn’t interested in me anymore and today I found out she was already dating another person. This is the second time in a row I’ve been cheated on and my suicidal thoughts are going crazy now. I just need to type this out to calm myself down. - -I hate this. I just want SOMEONE to truly love me for once. Whether friends or family. It feels like my whole existence was just a mistake. My life sucks and I just want to die right now. Fuck.",1,mean dating wise either rejected family friend pretty much everyone else last month though went girl v day started dating recently said interested anymore today found already dating another person second time row cheated suicidal thought going crazy need type calm hate want someone truly love whether friend family feel like whole existence mistake life suck want die right fuck -,1,nan -,1,nan -"I can't do shit at this point. I'm spending all of my time desperately trying to find somebody who would be slightly interested in me. I'm really only living off my hope and scraps of imaginary satisfaction (thinking that one person might be liking me for example). - -I'm so done living like this, why should my biggest need also be the least satisfiable? What do I do with my life?",1,shit point spending time desperately trying find somebody would slightly interested really living hope scrap imaginary satisfaction thinking one person might liking example done living like biggest need also least satisfiable life -Why the absolute f@ck is this world so f@cked up? Every single day I see a bunch of fake ass people and a shitty world. Nobody gives a f@ck about anyones feelings they just say whatever makes them look cool. Perants don’t give a shit because they didn’t live with this. Friends (or suppose to be friends) are fake and don’t give a shit. I’m the guy who walks in the back of the crowd when there’s not enough room on sidewalk and I’m done with this shit. F@ck the world. F@cl everyone who had made me who I am. I hope you’re happy,1,absolute f ck world f cked every single day see bunch fake as people shitty world nobody give f ck anyones feeling say whatever make look cool perants give shit live friend suppose friend fake give shit guy walk back crowd enough room sidewalk done shit f ck world f cl everyone made hope happy -"All the titles are relateable but all the comments are like ""’same life sucks"" - - -I’m currently writing my note. -This is just another stop before the end. - -Though I seriously doubt there is anything that can be done. - -I’ve tried every medical treatment available including experimental ones, been through so much therapy, and I’m getting nowhere. -There is no beating this depression. - -And on paper I have the perfect life - great job, loving partner, supportive parents. - -People would kill for this life, and for me it’s not enough. - -The problem is me, always been me, which is why nobody outside can help. You can’t fix what is working as intended. - -So yeah, nobody is here to actually prevent, so I guess that’s another note they could find after I’m done",1,title relateable comment like life suck currently writing note another stop end though seriously doubt anything done tried every medical treatment available including experimental one much therapy getting nowhere beating depression paper perfect life great job loving partner supportive parent people would kill life enough problem always nobody outside help fix working intended yeah nobody actually prevent guess another note could find done -"I’m 16 M and I now have no one I can trust, I don’t know if my life is even worth living, I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I just don’t want to be here anymore, but I can bc of my dad. He would miss me to much. I’m a awful person and should be around anymore",1,one trust know life even worth living know want life want anymore bc dad would miss much awful person around anymore -"I had never even thought of suicide before because I was too shielded from the real world and I thought that its something people do only in the most horrible situations. - -It started when I was at school, speaking to a kid I knew only because she was a friend of a friend. We we're laughing about something when I saw the scars on her hand which couldn't have happened naturally. It freaked me out to see that a kid my age with a similar background would resort to self-harm and attempt suicide. - -Then I started failing in tests. Each time I felt really low, I came closer and closer to killing myself. I now know how to tie a noose and what height I need to jump from in order to die. At this rate I won't survive till my 17th birthday",1,never even thought suicide shielded real world thought something people horrible situation started school speaking kid knew friend friend laughing something saw scar hand happened naturally freaked see kid age similar background would resort self harm attempt suicide started failing test time felt really low came closer closer killing know tie noose height need jump order die rate survive till th birthday -"I've lost everything. I lost my best friend, a community of people who were my only social outlet. I'm a failure. I'm 28, I've never been in a relationship. I couldn't graduate college. I'm stuck working at a job which doesn't pay enough for me to afford rent, so I have to live with my retirement age parents. I can't find a job anywhere else. - -I started cutting myself today. Never did it as a teenager; but I did it now and it feels great. I don't want to die, but I don't see any other solution. I cannot afford help. To me, being in debt is worse than death. - -I've lost so much. I can't go on.",1,lost everything lost best friend community people social outlet failure never relationship graduate college stuck working job pay enough afford rent live retirement age parent find job anywhere else started cutting today never teenager feel great want die see solution afford help debt worse death lost much go -I don’t know what I deserve anymore. But I guess it’s all about the pain.,1,know deserve anymore guess pain -"I’m so sick of being in a state of breakdown 24/7 and every hotline I call treats me like dogshit, hangs up on me, like nobody fucking cares and I can’t take rejection after rejection after fucking rejection when nobody’s ever accepted me for who I am or loved me even once. All I ever do is fuck up and nobody forgives even my tiny mistakes. They all fucking hate me and I’m sick of everyone being disgusting or selfish little slimebags. Get a fucking life and fuck off and quit making mine worse just because you aren’t shit. I can’t take it I really can’t take it. I mean really I was beaten nearly to death and I get hotline idiots telling me to be quiet and quit cursing like fuck??? You??? Fuck you to the bastard death you useless asshole??? Does anyone have a shred of empathy? I don’t give a fuck, I just wish someone gave a shit",1,sick state breakdown every hotline call treat like dogshit hang like nobody fucking care take rejection rejection fucking rejection nobody ever accepted loved even ever fuck nobody forgives even tiny mistake fucking hate sick everyone disgusting selfish little slimebags get fucking life fuck quit making mine worse shit take really take mean really beaten nearly death get hotline idiot telling quiet quit cursing like fuck fuck bastard death useless asshole anyone shred empathy give fuck wish someone gave shit -"Very recently my life has been treating me absolutely horribly and I haven't been able to see anyone I've loved or my irl crush for a week and a half now and Its driving me insane because I just want to see them and I've done nothing but sit in my room in bed and die for a week straight and (I can't leave my house because I have covid btw) Its like I get to watch everyone else in my life go on and do the things they've wanted to while I'm stuck in bed trying to take my life or just sleep but it never works and it never helps. - -My back has been hurting for the longest time and I don't know if its normal or not but I can't seem to stand up straight and when I do it hurts and it hurts to walk I just want to sleep and do nothing else...",1,recently life treating absolutely horribly able see anyone loved irl crush week half driving insane want see done nothing sit room bed die week straight leave house covid btw like get watch everyone else life go thing wanted stuck bed trying take life sleep never work never help back hurting longest time know normal seem stand straight hurt hurt walk want sleep nothing else -"I had a chick 5 years ago, a baby chicken to be exact. -im in the middle of mental/life/family probs that time. i dont want to talk about it.. long story short, when i was a split second away from jumping off the chair, i heard my chick chirping so loud and i rethought my decisions that day. -my chicken died last year but leaves me some eggs. - -now i own a poultry farm dedicated to her name. - -thank you so much chichi.",1,chick year ago baby chicken exact im middle mental life family probs time dont want talk long story short split second away jumping chair heard chick chirping loud rethought decision day chicken died last year leaf egg poultry farm dedicated name thank much chichi -I feel like I can't believe I'm really going to do it. I'll do trial runs before to see how it goes but I'm relieved in a way and terrified in another way.,1,feel like believe really going trial run see go relieved way terrified another way -Why am I always suicidal?,1,always suicidal -"Hello guys, first time posting here. I hope everyone is doing alright at this time. I just found out my friend has committed suicide... a year ago... first, let me give some background. - -My friend is such a gentle, loving soul and very devoted to his religion (Jehovah's Witness). He is not the most social person around, bit awkward, and also had plenty of issues in the past mentally due to a rough upbringing. We were good friends, he'd always give me encouragement and just be there for me for anything. I was ""cut off"" from the religion due to myself realizing and developing my own beliefs. I don't have a grudge towards the religion or anything like that despite being cut off and not being able to socialize with anyone from that religion cus it's the ""rules"" also, I felt awkward and embarrassed that I am cut off therefore I did not have the courage to face my friend. - -A year passed, I'm on a skiing trip with my brother. I asked how my friend is doing since he sometimes still go to their church so I figured he'd know something. He told me he passed away a year so from suicide. I am shocked from the news. I can't seem to comprehend or accept the fact. He seemed to be very devoted to his faith and committing suicide is one of the things that are ""forbidden"" also I feel like trash for being a horrible friend and not even checking in on him at all, or at least tried to due to my insecurities... my mind has been in shambles... I don't know how to make amends... I don't know if I can see the parents they'd just be like ""so now you care? Where were you thr whole time?"" Etc etc... I was hoping to visit his grave but he was cremated and ashes were spread somewhere. Now all I can think of is his obit. picture ""smiling"" but I can see there's so much hurt inside that broken smile..",1,hello guy first time posting hope everyone alright time found friend committed suicide year ago first let give background friend gentle loving soul devoted religion jehovah witness social person around bit awkward also plenty issue past mentally due rough upbringing good friend always give encouragement anything cut religion due realizing developing belief grudge towards religion anything like despite cut able socialize anyone religion cu rule also felt awkward embarrassed cut therefore courage face friend year passed skiing trip brother asked friend since sometimes still go church figured know something told passed away year suicide shocked news seem comprehend accept fact seemed devoted faith committing suicide one thing forbidden also feel like trash horrible friend even checking least tried due insecurity mind shamble know make amends know see parent like care thr whole time etc etc hoping visit grave cremated ash spread somewhere think obit picture smiling see much hurt inside broken smile -"I have been having really strong thoughts about killing myself the last month, especially the last three days. I don't think I want to die but I don't want to be here anymore. I'm really scared. I have a little boy and I can't leave him alone but I feel like I can't go on like this. I suck at everything. My job, my life, being a mother. I'm in debt. I feel like noone cares. I can't see a way out. I'm scared.",1,really strong thought killing last month especially last three day think want die want anymore really scared little boy leave alone feel like go like suck everything job life mother debt feel like noone care see way scared -"I can't do it anymore. I don't want to talk to anyone because I keep backtracking myself into thinking I'm over exaggerating. I have no social skills. Constantly feel like everyone around me would be better off without me. Better yet, everyone but my parents wouldn't notice. They'll hurt the most and that's what I hate so much I wish I could just not wake up tomorrow and not feel like this again I'm tired of everything. School is shit. I want to make them proud but I just cant",1,anymore want talk anyone keep backtracking thinking exaggerating social skill constantly feel like everyone around would better without better yet everyone parent notice hurt hate much wish could wake tomorrow feel like tired everything school shit want make proud cant -"I lost a coworker to suicide.I was the last person he talked to at work.I wonder if that has made me think about ending it.After what happened as i explained in my post about me be bisexual,the leap to this mind set did not seem as far.Any comments would be [good.It](https://good.It) feels so scary bein g in this mindest.",1,lost coworker suicide last person talked work wonder made think ending happened explained post bisexual leap mind set seem far comment would good http good feel scary bein g mindest -"There is no real deep rooted reason I want to commit suicide. I just feel so blah. My life feels meaningless. I keep seeing myself make the same mistakes. I feel trapped in a cycle. I keep wondering when will I ever gain self control with money and time. When will I ever let go of the past? When will I ever grow up? - -I do indeed have the means to do it but I don't fully have the incentive.",1,real deep rooted reason want commit suicide feel blah life feel meaningless keep seeing make mistake feel trapped cycle keep wondering ever gain self control money time ever let go past ever grow indeed mean fully incentive -"gonna probably be really long im sorry -since saturday i have a really horrible fucking mood i cannot explain -tomorrow i have to study chemistry (i have a test on friday) + go to my therapist which makes me cry so fucking hard and is probably one of the major reasons why i want to end myself -the thing is i cant fucking do it im too scared of death but i feel like i just cant escape i just want to be fucking normal -my problems are fucking bizzare and they ruin my whole life but yeah i wanna keep them to myself and wait but then i feel like my whole lifes ruined but i cant kms its just all so fucked up and idk what to do -i also have no friends and no way of finding any so that just makes it worse -in the end im just so fucking confused idk what to do -thanks for reading this if anyone did ig",1,gon na probably really long im sorry since saturday really horrible fucking mood explain tomorrow study chemistry test friday go therapist make cry fucking hard probably one major reason want end thing cant fucking im scared death feel like cant escape want fucking normal problem fucking bizzare ruin whole life yeah wan na keep wait feel like whole life ruined cant km fucked idk also friend way finding make worse end im fucking confused idk thanks reading anyone ig -"i posted on the self harm sub as to why (you can just look at my profile and you'll see it) - -&#x200B; - -have a great day everyone :)",1,posted self harm sub look profile see amp x 00b great day everyone -"i cant eat over 300 calories ori feel horrible and I lost 5 kg in a few weeks, but my parents didnt notice until recently. now they scream at me wheneber I dont eat and threaten to kill me and throw sfuff at me. im sitting in a cornee crying afzer my dad threw his bag at me and called me a disgusting skinny bitch. my mom is now saying she has arrhythmia because of my made up problems. i have mo one to talk to I have no friends and feel like just killing myself",1,cant eat 00 calorie ori feel horrible lost kg week parent didnt notice recently scream wheneber dont eat threaten kill throw sfuff im sitting cornee cry afzer dad threw bag called disgusting skinny bitch mom saying arrhythmia made problem mo one talk friend feel like killing -"I am so low on energy that I don't even have words enough for this post. - -I cannot finish grad school, and the job I'm qualified to do I hate it. I also cannot talk frankly with anybody now given that I have suicidal tendencies right now and that sounds like emotional blackmail to everyone else if I express my wish. Also, if I were to continue living, it would be an embarrassment living as that middle aged women who wanted to khs. - -I'm tired. I don't want to fake anymore, and I don't think I'm even good at faking it either, people can tell this is a sad loser.",1,low energy even word enough post finish grad school job qualified hate also talk frankly anybody given suicidal tendency right sound like emotional blackmail everyone else express wish also continue living would embarrassment living middle aged woman wanted khs tired want fake anymore think even good faking either people tell sad loser -"why should i live? i’m gonna’ die anyways, and i’ve tried everything to be happy, hobbies, jobs, everything seems menial. not to mention, literally no one loves me. my friends have left me since i couldn’t open out my shell, and my family and extended family are abusive, the only side that wasn’t, my uncle died years back. it’s hard to swallow but literally no one cares if i did, death doesn’t even scare me. it’s just a eternal sleep that’ll come and snatch me anyways, so why bother? and i mean this genuinely, those around me seem so pleased but it just don’t feel the same, therapy and all just doesn’t cut it, and meds only get me high.",1,live gon na die anyways tried everything happy hobby job everything seems menial mention literally one love friend left since open shell family extended family abusive side uncle died year back hard swallow literally one care death even scare eternal sleep come snatch anyways bother mean genuinely around seem pleased feel therapy cut med get high -"It has almost been 7 months since I lost my nephew, more like my brother though. I was 26 at the time and he was 24. He was the person that meant the absolute most to me. - -We have both struggled with suicide our entire lives. - -I used to be a very emotional and empathetic person, and I tried to make everyone happy. I am no longer that. In fact, in the past year leading up to the event I had slowly lost my emotion, empathy, my ambition, and pretty much everything that makes a human human. But when it happened I lost everything. I was and am, no longer the person I was. - -I want to be happy again. I want to care about people, I want to care about music again, I want to care about cars again. I want my hobbies back. Most of all I want him back and what we had. - -We were the same person, our emotions, the ways we thought, our diets, everything affected our bodies the same way. We thought about things the exact same way, our reactions were the same, the things we loved were the same (for the most part). Our depression was the same, the things that haunted us were the same, the things we were scared of were the same. We were the same person - -I don’t really know how to go on without him. I have people that care about me, but it doesn’t matter. They aren’t him. - -I don’t even know why I’m writing this. This won’t change anything. I just was listening to music he used to love and I was finally able to cry a bit. It’s gone now though. My feelings are gone again. My life feels fake now.",1,almost month since lost nephew like brother though time person meant absolute struggled suicide entire life used emotional empathetic person tried make everyone happy longer fact past year leading event slowly lost emotion empathy ambition pretty much everything make human human happened lost everything longer person want happy want care people want care music want care car want hobby back want back person emotion way thought diet everything affected body way thought thing exact way reaction thing loved part depression thing haunted u thing scared person really know go without people care matter even know writing change anything listening music used love finally able cry bit gone though feeling gone life feel fake -"Yep. At the age of less than 18, I’m already considering suicide. I’ve been depressed for about a year or two already, and I’ve thought about KMS, but it was always just that, a thought, until about a month ago. Maybe two months. I thought about my life seriously, and I realised there were extremely few things that made me happy. Happy enough to keep me alive, that is. I decided that it might just be better without me in the equation. I’ve been obsessing over it, and I just don’t know why. I have a good few reasons to do it, but I don’t know why I keep thinking about it all the time. I don’t even know why I’m telling y’all this, but I just am.",1,yep age le already considering suicide depressed year two already thought km always thought month ago maybe two month thought life seriously realised extremely thing made happy happy enough keep alive decided might better without equation obsessing know good reason know keep thinking time even know telling -"I have no friends that I enjoy spending time with, I'm about to go through my second messy breakup in the past two years, the last of which got me diagnosed with PTSD, my family has done nothing but ignore me emotionally for my entire life and I fucking want out. I'm 17, live with my parents because I'm a minor, and have lived in the country, very far away from people for 6 years now. I don't really have any dreams or ambitions, and I have had depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember. I'm tired of everything and I just want it to stop. I'm behind in schoolwork, and I'm *just* recovering from an antidepressant that worsened my feelings. my school is online and I don't really have any options to interact with people other than my parents now that my partner is breaking up with me. nothing really brings me happiness and I just feel like there's nothing I'm going to do in life. I don't want to go to college or really be successful, all I really want to do is to find love but I'm not even sure if that's a good ambition anymore, especially since no one would actually stay with me. I don't know what to do anymore.",1,friend enjoy spending time go second messy breakup past two year last got diagnosed ptsd family done nothing ignore emotionally entire life fucking want live parent minor lived country far away people year really dream ambition depression anxiety long remember tired everything want stop behind schoolwork recovering antidepressant worsened feeling school online really option interact people parent partner breaking nothing really brings happiness feel like nothing going life want go college really successful really want find love even sure good ambition anymore especially since one would actually stay know anymore -"so i prepared everything to just end it all, cause i no longer see a future for myself, i literally lost all meaning in my life and i just have no idea why i live anymore. Everything just feels empty and i just want it to end i guess... but idk why i'm even writing this, i guess i might want to be helped, but it just feels so empty... -My family doesn't even have an idea that i sh, i just want someone to notice... to care... please",1,prepared everything end cause longer see future literally lost meaning life idea live anymore everything feel empty want end guess idk even writing guess might want helped feel empty family even idea sh want someone notice care please -"I don’t want to exist anymore. The thought of death has brought me a lot of peace for a while now. - -I have 3 friends who are incredibly important to me. I love them greatly, and I know that they will be perfectly fine without me. I accepted my suicidal urge a few months ago, and talked to them about it. - -I don’t want them to feel any form of guilt when I finally get to go, and so I’m trying to preemptively minimise that as much as possible. I promised them each individually that I would at the very least get in touch with one of them BEFORE doing anything to give them a chance to talk to me. I have even started going to therapy and promised myself that I would go for a minimum of 12 sessions with a therapist whom I am comfortable with. I also made myself a bucket list. - -The whole point of it all is so that when I’m gone, they won’t feel like they could have done more. I don’t want them to blame themselves for my decisions. I don’t belong here, I long for non existence, it’s got nothing to do with them and they shouldn’t have to suffer because of me. - -Some days, like today, I struggle. I just want to go. I don’t want to finish my therapy, I don’t want to finish my bucket list, I don’t want to call them. I just want to be forgotten. - -I think I’m on the tail end of todays spiral, and I haven’t SH today either which is a win. I guess I just needed to write this out.",1,want exist anymore thought death brought lot peace friend incredibly important love greatly know perfectly fine without accepted suicidal urge month ago talked want feel form guilt finally get go trying preemptively minimise much possible promised individually would least get touch one anything give chance talk even started going therapy promised would go minimum session therapist comfortable also made bucket list whole point gone feel like could done want blame decision belong long non existence got nothing suffer day like today struggle want go want finish therapy want finish bucket list want call want forgotten think tail end today spiral sh today either win guess needed write -"Anyone else having awful war anxiety? If so how are you managing. I like near a base so basically my situation is I’m f*ckef if Putin decides to bomb it. Any advice or well words are helpful, I just need to calm myself about this ww3 stuff. Please.",1,anyone else awful war anxiety managing like near base basically situation f ckef putin decides bomb advice well word helpful need calm ww stuff please -,1,nan -"I'm so tired all the time. In the physical, mental, and emotional sense. All. The. Time. - -Days go by doing nothing: tired. Days of overexertion: tired and sleep-deprived. The constant headaches and facial pain doesn't help. I feel like my tolerance to people is so low that I cry after I go outside my house or, even more pathetically, after when someone enters my room. I don't know what's wrong with me. Nobody believes it, ""you're so young how are you tired?"", ""you need to toughen up"", ""the labs came back normal there's nothing wrong with you"". - -They don't know that every time I have to hold up this act, the effect grows more and more devastating. - -I don't blame them for it honestly, I've put up this act for such a long time that I don't think anybody really knows who I am as a person. I've only allowed them to see the good side and whenever the bad side inevitably creeps to the surface, it inevitably ends up being anticlimactically and severely misunderstood. My mother tries to string me along in ""vacations"" that end up draining me significantly and then she wonders why I sleep for 12 hours every day a week after. - -I've given up the things I like and I'm passionate about because I feel too restless and tired to carry out anything towards a meaningful level. - -Jobless, living with parents, and on the cusp of a breakdown but nothing and no one that can help. - -Every night I hope I die in my sleep.",1,tired time physical mental emotional sense time day go nothing tired day overexertion tired sleep deprived constant headache facial pain help feel like tolerance people low cry go outside house even pathetically someone enters room know wrong nobody belief young tired need toughen lab came back normal nothing wrong know every time hold act effect grows devastating blame honestly put act long time think anybody really know person allowed see good side whenever bad side inevitably creep surface inevitably end anticlimactically severely misunderstood mother try string along vacation end draining significantly wonder sleep hour every day week given thing like passionate feel restless tired carry anything towards meaningful level jobless living parent cusp breakdown nothing one help every night hope die sleep -"My biggest emotion is anxiety. I can't deal with it anymore. I tried gettibg help, even medicine for it but no help - -The pit in my stomach every single day - -Constantly restless - -Can't sleep well or eat well. Can't function at times - -If I didn't die from heart issues due to constant anxiety and stress, I will end up killing myself just to feel some peace",1,biggest emotion anxiety deal anymore tried gettibg help even medicine help pit stomach every single day constantly restless sleep well eat well function time die heart issue due constant anxiety stress end killing feel peace -all abrosexual demigirls with depression are witty!,1,abrosexual demigirls depression witty -all I know is I’ve been saying for YEARS AS A PISCES STELL & 12H JUPITER that I’ll be more successful during a great depression 2.0.. which is honestly embarrassing but also been preparing since elementary so.. uhm u know it be 🤭🤭,1,know saying year pisces stell amp h jupiter successful great depression 0 honestly embarrassing also preparing since elementary uhm u know -The Back Road: A Tweet on depression in less than 280 characters https://t.co/Hi1OucfA4m,1,back road tweet depression le 0 character http co hi oucfa -go commit depression,1,go commit depression -Beautiful..But someone in your gender says she’s going into depression because her mom wore her Nike shoes without informing her,1,beautiful someone gender say going depression mom wore nike shoe without informing -Living at home? Rent = Free Depression = Extra Free,1,living home rent free depression extra free -How do y’all cope with depression?,1,cope depression -"@RoyRoyCFC @LFCbbc12 Within three tweets you have exhibited 3 of the 5 stages of grief. It's okay, I can provide a helpline before you enter the depression stage if you want.",1,royroycfc lfcbbc within three tweet exhibited stage grief okay provide helpline enter depression stage want -"@fenrirclemo Unfortunately that ain't how anxiety works though, just telling people ""just do it"" is kinda like telling people with depression ""just be happy"" it takes alot of work and I'm proud of how far he's come, even with his streams, hes far more himself than he used to be!",1,fenrirclemo unfortunately anxiety work though telling people kinda like telling people depression happy take alot work proud far come even stream he far used -"@GaryGensler @SECGov @AARP @FINRA @FordhamLawNYC @MiamiLawSchool Gary people don’t care. What they want is clarity on crypto. The Howie test is outdated and became precedent in an era before the internet even existed, let alone the Blockchain. The SEC continues to behave like we have just come out the Great Depression, stifling innovation.",1,garygensler secgov aarp finra fordhamlawnyc miamilawschool gary people care want clarity crypto howie test outdated became precedent era internet even existed let alone blockchain sec continues behave like come great depression stifling innovation -Depression level 1000000000,1,depression level 000000000 -"@_pem_pem -- quite frequent and sometimes much more intense than mine. But it looks that the only important thing for me is to alleviate my depression symptoms, whatever the consequences.",1,pem pem quite frequent sometimes much intense mine look important thing alleviate depression symptom whatever consequence -"We're Here To Help! We are online therapy platform, which essentially connects certified psychologists and people suffering from mental health issues such as depression, stress and anxiety, among dozens of other clinically defined disorders. Book your appointment now: ... https://t.co/ez1MwwWtQf",1,help online therapy platform essentially connects certified psychologist people suffering mental health issue depression stress anxiety among dozen clinically defined disorder book appointment http co ez mwwwtqf -@be__alone_ Btw its toxic and ends up in depression from where I see.,1,alone btw toxic end depression see -"Lil bean always monkey hugging mama, mama in her favorite hoodie. Finding comfort where we can from the pain and depression, respectively. We’re okay, and we’re also a goddamn mess. https://t.co/jfLYzOIGh9",1,lil bean always monkey hugging mama mama favorite hoodie finding comfort pain depression respectively okay also goddamn mess http co jflyzoigh9 -Hi guys Pls who knows how to overcome depression I'm dying slowly,1,hi guy pls know overcome depression dying slowly -"It's also crucial the scenarist address in depth,from a psychological point of view,themes that have been introduced throughout the story:abandonment(of biological parents,of the partner & family);depression; social pressure+ @AbusGul @dergecerim @ferayegizemkurt #KaderiminOyunu",1,also crucial scenarist address depth psychological point view theme introduced throughout story abandonment biological parent partner amp family depression social pressure abusgul dergecerim ferayegizemkurt kaderiminoyunu -"@the_N0NESUCH @oneman_official @BuilderSanmi @EtuboLion My Sisterrrrrr, if na depression he enter nko? Make God no make trailer jam us",1,n0nesuch oneman official buildersanmi etubolion sisterrrrrr na depression enter nko make god make trailer jam u -seasonal depression is truly over,1,seasonal depression truly -"We're Here To Help! We are online therapy platform, which essentially connects certified psychologists and people suffering from mental health issues such as depression, stress and anxiety, among dozens of other clinically defined disorders. Book your appointment now: ... https://t.co/XMCyD9qYgc",1,help online therapy platform essentially connects certified psychologist people suffering mental health issue depression stress anxiety among dozen clinically defined disorder book appointment http co xmcyd9qygc -Anapata depression juu ya Nike sneakers 🤔,1,anapata depression juu ya nike sneaker -@NototyrannyNOW a stagflationary prolonged recession or a hyperinflationary then deflationary depression,1,nototyrannynow stagflationary prolonged recession hyperinflationary deflationary depression -"retour de la dépression, et des idées qui vont avec, mais je découvre aujourd'hui (12 ans après sa sortie...) qu'il existe un morceau de Massive Attack avec Damon Albarn et il est évidemment magnifique alors ça va pas si mal https://t.co/JjgYmX6Ood",1,retour de la pression et de id e qui vont avec mais je couvre aujourd hui an apr sa sortie qu il existe un morceau de massive attack avec damon albarn et il est videmment magnifique alors va pa si mal http co jjgymx ood -"Depression fucking sucks, man!",1,depression fucking suck man -Literally 😭 and the depression that comes before 💔,1,literally depression come -depression wont find me anymore https://t.co/Mj7W9PSbLN,1,depression wont find anymore http co mj w9psbln -"I never really sure how to approach someone who's obviously going through a depression, but act like everything is normal because they're not sure how or what to do in that situation.",1,never really sure approach someone obviously going depression act like everything normal sure situation -"@strategywoman I am from Denmark. Child of Hungarian refugees, born here. I was not sleeping well for days after february 24. So I started following all kind of tweeps to get more information. If I was not sick with stress and depression, I would be at the border in Poland, helping.",1,strategywoman denmark child hungarian refugee born sleeping well day february started following kind tweeps get information sick stress depression would border poland helping -"""Spending more time outdoors can decrease your chances of depression."" #Quotes FB: https://t.co/HijcKGL0hm IG: https://t.co/8sv3H4ne4B https://t.co/Fw5C9hG79m",1,spending time outdoors decrease chance depression quote fb http co hijckgl0hm ig http co sv h ne b http co fw c9hg 9m -@_funguyzz 😂😂😂 if you no find this guy dope and funny abeeg you never chop since yesterday or depression hook you…plane just stop for air when no be say na magnito be pilot 😂😂😂,1,funguyzz find guy dope funny abeeg never chop since yesterday depression hook plane stop air say na magnito pilot -@Thogden Every other year supporting Norwich. One good year in the championship then pure depression in the premier league 😅,1,thogden every year supporting norwich one good year championship pure depression premier league -"ith her. Now he is going through double depression because of the above mentioned incidents because the misunderstanding somehow never gets cleared. So to get over all this, he decides to focus on Basketball, which he is talented in. The basketball club's manager falls in love w-",1,ith going double depression mentioned incident misunderstanding somehow never get cleared get decides focus basketball talented basketball club manager fall love w -"and after that Yukito goes through depression which his childhood friend failed to notice. She thinks that he isn't interested in her and to gain his attention, she makes another guy her boyfriend to make Yukito jealous but Yukito misunderstands and breaks all his relationship w-",1,yukito go depression childhood friend failed notice think interested gain attention make another guy boyfriend make yukito jealous yukito misunderstands break relationship w -when the seasonal depression finally fucks off and life is enjoyable again >>>,1,seasonal depression finally fuck life enjoyable gt gt gt -"Ça serait cool si notre société s'intéressait beaucoup plus sur : - la psychologie ex : les causes des maladies mentales ( dépression,troubles bipolaires,.. Ect) - l'anatomie du corps humain ex : les différences du développement sexuelle 🤷 https://t.co/b1tvixYi6D",1,serait cool si notre soci int ressait beaucoup plus sur la psychologie ex le cause de malady mentales pression trouble bipolaires ect l anatomie du corp humain ex le diff rences du veloppement sexuelle http co b tvixyi -I was at the peak of my depression during lockdown level 5 yoh😩💔,1,peak depression lockdown level yoh -Pogba ran out hair dye and suddenly remembers that he is a football player. Now he is playing the depression card. Doing what Twitter feminist does best.,1,pogba ran hair dye suddenly remembers football player playing depression card twitter feminist best -"@auraglyphix Highs always seem to followed by lows, long as you climb back from it there’s nothing wrong with letting some depression out",1,auraglyphix high always seem followed low long climb back nothing wrong letting depression -"@_TheeKween Vhulivhadza helps people forget unpleasant events such as depression, anxiety, loss of a loved one, heartbreak and any traumatic event #ThelmasHerbs",1,theekween vhulivhadza help people forget unpleasant event depression anxiety loss loved one heartbreak traumatic event thelmasherbs -"Neymar, Messi et Pogba ont fini en dépression, les ravages du foot business",1,neymar messi et pogba ont fini en pression le ravage du foot business -@unc_bruno @saula_tobiloba Una get am 😩😩😩😩 Bruh will jus b like we meeuve while some ladies fit hit depression straight 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️,1,unc bruno saula tobiloba una get bruh jus b like meeuve lady fit hit depression straight -Me to my husband after reading @cpt_depression_'s tweets about life with a newborn. https://t.co/H11CjpEQGu,1,husband reading cpt depression tweet life newborn http co h cjpeqgu -Good morning dear family! ☀️🥰🌻 I wish you a great day! 💪😘❤️💐 “Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is the best antidote for anxiety and depression…It lightens human burdens. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment.” —Grenville Kleiser https://t.co/zDI0705EvC,1,good morning dear family wish great day good humor tonic mind body best antidote anxiety depression lightens human burden direct route serenity contentment grenville kleiser http co zdi0 0 evc -"@EzuieQuotes It’s a constant positive mental attitude. A way of looking on the “bright side” of a situation. To carry with you an ideal of helping others if possible, to do one’s best in not falling into doubt or depression. A sunny disposition is a discipline.",1,ezuiequotes constant positive mental attitude way looking bright side situation carry ideal helping others possible one best falling doubt depression sunny disposition discipline -1/3My anxiety is high and my depression is bad tonight because I screwed up and didn’t take my medications on schedule. Trying to focus on my happy place while snuggling with Magic and surfing Reddit. I know I complain a lot about my anxiety and depression but this account is for,1,anxiety high depression bad tonight screwed take medication schedule trying focus happy place snuggling magic surfing reddit know complain lot anxiety depression account -"We're Here To Help! We are online therapy platform, which essentially connects certified psychologists and people suffering from mental health issues such as depression, stress and anxiety, among dozens of other clinically defined disorders. Book your appointment now: ... https://t.co/kt3EYujMRw",1,help online therapy platform essentially connects certified psychologist people suffering mental health issue depression stress anxiety among dozen clinically defined disorder book appointment http co kt eyujmrw -"@_TheeKween Depression, anxiety,loss of a loved one,heart break #ThelmasHerbs",1,theekween depression anxiety loss loved one heart break thelmasherbs -"AMAZON US TOP 1000 REVIEWER ""Compelling Crime Fiction ... This is very different, unique kind of crime fiction. Several topics are explored ... mental illness ... depression .... feelings of rage .... As the book continues, the suspense builds."" https://t.co/Wr19SjtG4j https://t.co/En0qpdXF9J",1,amazon u top 000 reviewer compelling crime fiction different unique kind crime fiction several topic explored mental illness depression feeling rage book continues suspense build http co wr 9sjtg j http co en0qpdxf9j -Depression: We're gonna sleep forever. Mania: Fuck sleep. We're gonna stay up for days.,1,depression gon na sleep forever mania fuck sleep gon na stay day -Ha main depression main tun tuna bajata hu ✌🏽 https://t.co/aJwOCN70zR,1,ha main depression main tun tuna bajata hu http co ajwocn 0zr -Musafir from parwaz hai junoon really triggers my depression and anxiety,1,musafir parwaz hai junoon really trigger depression anxiety -@DWR1GH7 @TeresaMForgione @gm_stone Not that I’ve had covid but I find whisky cures everything from sniffles to depression 😂,1,dwr gh teresamforgione gm stone covid find whisky cure everything sniffle depression -@_2020Virgin Honestly I understand her frustrations.. my mom does the same with my things- she wears my clothes sometimes tseding hadi kgutlise but nka sebe depressed.. Aowa Depression yonke no ..,1,0 0virgin honestly understand frustration mom thing wear clothes sometimes tseding hadi kgutlise nka sebe depressed aowa depression yonke -Depression in construction is partly due to big companies piling relentless pressure on workers and making it clear they can be easily replaced the moment they wear out. @BBCMorningLive Totally hold the employer responsible. #bbcmorninglive,1,depression construction partly due big company piling relentless pressure worker making clear easily replaced moment wear bbcmorninglive totally hold employer responsible bbcmorninglive -"We're Here To Help! We are online therapy platform, which essentially connects certified psychologists and people suffering from mental health issues such as depression, stress and anxiety, among dozens of other clinically defined disorders. Book your appointment now: ... https://t.co/8AJtghgRVd",1,help online therapy platform essentially connects certified psychologist people suffering mental health issue depression stress anxiety among dozen clinically defined disorder book appointment http co ajtghgrvd -"Art is a universal language 🎨 ""Art is a catharsis for me. Panting helped me out of depression”. Latifa stopped painting when she left Syria, but used it as a way to deal with the struggles of displacement in #Lebanon. Now, she teaches others and sells her paintings. https://t.co/ViIJHH1ubC",1,art universal language art catharsis panting helped depression latifa stopped painting left syria used way deal struggle displacement lebanon teach others sell painting http co viijhh ubc -"@Its_Bulle Fika lokitaung utembee kwa mlima na ulale kwa Laga, depression itaisha",1,bulle fika lokitaung utembee kwa mlima na ulale kwa laga depression itaisha -"@21bj42 @keswickproblems @NDP Oh yeah you must enjoy record breaking inflation, housing prices that Canadians can’t afford because of all the foreign investors, paying outrageous taxes, being driven into the next Great Depression! Make sure you stand with trudumb 😂😂😂😂😂",1,bj keswickproblems ndp oh yeah must enjoy record breaking inflation housing price canadian afford foreign investor paying outrageous tax driven next great depression make sure stand trudumb -"""There r different levels of depression and clinical depression is something that you absolutely can't get out of. You need a medic, you need to see a doctor, you need to medicate for it, you need a therapy. There r things you need to do in order to get out it or else you won't.""",1,r different level depression clinical depression something absolutely get need medic need see doctor need medicate need therapy r thing need order get else -At night when I fall into to Pradeep Kumar songs 🌻🍃🎧 ~ enna da inga iruntha depression ah kaanom #pradeepkumarsong https://t.co/VxBeyYIUnK,1,night fall pradeep kumar song enna da inga iruntha depression ah kaanom pradeepkumarsong http co vxbeyyiunk -"@Aminelkhatmi Éric Zemmour l'algérien, vous invite vos ascendants,descendants et vous même, A. ELKHATMI, de saisir l'opportunité de la rémigration, pour éviter le grand remplacement, afin d'éviter à Marion Maréchal le Pen, des crises de dépression !!!!",1,aminelkhatmi ric zemmour l alg rien vous invite vos ascendant descendant et vous elkhatmi de saisir l opportunit de la r migration pour viter le grand remplacement afin viter marion mar chal le pen de crisis de pression -"I really need to see a doctor about my depression. Every time it's spiked, like today, I just feel worse and worse. What the hell is wrong with me...?",1,really need see doctor depression every time spiked like today feel worse worse hell wrong -@internetumpire Ipave depression kudukaadha ne Just live the moment 🙂 Still chepauk la than last match nu nambuvom 👍,1,internetumpire ipave depression kudukaadha ne live moment still chepauk la last match nu nambuvom -Une depression koda uya awta? 🤔 https://t.co/LJ0awCFbAu,1,une depression koda uya awta http co lj0awcfbau -@7ckngDead here comes the depression tweets📈📈📈,1,ckngdead come depression tweet -"@WorldofNC I do a digital fast, every so often. It's where I stop watching the news or looking at social media. Just music, reading and netflix. It may be sticking my head in the sand but it gives me a firebreak from the stress and depression that is modern life. Stay sane!",1,worldofnc digital fast every often stop watching news looking social medium music reading netflix may sticking head sand give firebreak stress depression modern life stay sane -this is how to show a loved one you care: When did you begin feeling like this? #mentalhealth #depression,1,show loved one care begin feeling like mentalhealth depression -"also still struggling to ask my parents to help me set up for an adhd diagnosis, as well as for my mental health. as much as i say i do have things like adhd, depression, and anxiety, i haven't officially confirmed that. it sucks that i do because i can't get the support i need +",1,also still struggling ask parent help set adhd diagnosis well mental health much say thing like adhd depression anxiety officially confirmed suck get support need -"Apologies for the random burst and then lack of videos, been in a really wanky depression hole that I need to crawl out of a bit",1,apology random burst lack video really wanky depression hole need crawl bit -"And just when it was the most painful, when I had sunk so deep into my depression that I could sink no further…",1,painful sunk deep depression could sink -@_TheeKween Vhulivhadza helps with depression and anxiety. #ThelmasHerbs,1,theekween vhulivhadza help depression anxiety thelmasherbs -"This insane rants here has 6,000 likes, really? What exactly are they liking? That someone can be this vile, toxic, disrespectful & totally irresponsible to her own mother? Depression is actually a fair & deserved escape route you to be honest. Nonsense!",1,insane rant 000 like really exactly liking someone vile toxic disrespectful amp totally irresponsible mother depression actually fair amp deserved escape route honest nonsense -"@_TheeKween #ThelmasHerbs helps with depression, anxiety.",1,theekween thelmasherbs help depression anxiety -"@SihleWasembo @lord_Bonda @mizzzidc Our toxic homes are just okay, people share, make mistakes and forgive, We certainly don't and will never throw a fit, get into depression over sneakers",1,sihlewasembo lord bonda mizzzidc toxic home okay people share make mistake forgive certainly never throw fit get depression sneaker -It's true. I truly love @JessicaBardot1 She was there for me during a dark time and I appreciate her so much for being there during my depression. One of the most loveliest ladies. https://t.co/tJstwmYr7v,1,true truly love jessicabardot dark time appreciate much depression one loveliest lady http co tjstwmyr v -"@Dein_depression Я хотела купить луну, чтобы нормально накопить на аято, но не смогла это сделать 😭",1,dein depression -"@letouzet En même temps, il n'est pas faux de parler de dépression. Elle est passée par le cyclisme et le dopage : quant à savoir si ces derniers en sont la cause, c'est difficile. La tendance dépressive peut ""mener-à"" ces activités ""douloureuses"".",1,letouzet en temp il n est pa faux de parler de pression elle est pas e par le cyclisme et le dopage quant savoir si ce derniers en sont la cause c est difficile la tendance pressive peut mener ce activit douloureuses -i literally have depression https://t.co/Q584BKk7Uq,1,literally depression http co q bkk uq -Weird type of depression indeed.,1,weird type depression indeed -"@_TheeKween It hells with, Heart break, Trauma, Anxiety , Depression Pain of losing your loved one. #ThelmasHerbs",1,theekween hell heart break trauma anxiety depression pain losing loved one thelmasherbs -@salah__eddine_ Y’a une grande différence entre la déprime et la dépression ! Une dépression c’est maladie en tout cas je te souhaite des journées meilleures que celles que tu passes en ce moment,1,salah eddine une grande diff rence entre la prime et la pression une pression c est maladie en tout ca je te souhaite de journ e meilleures que celles que tu pass en ce moment -@victorahiwe That’s what you want ? Even all your generations together can’t make him enter depression.. Bunch of attention seeking low lives,1,victorahiwe want even generation together make enter depression bunch attention seeking low life -"@Mai_Asher19 @LynneStactia The guy looks depressed,depression is real",1,mai asher 9 lynnestactia guy look depressed depression real -@ismaDinter2 en dépression,1,ismadinter en pression -"SAF wouldn’t even work with him and his greedy agent, Jose brought him back with the highest fees and loved him like son. Jose should be the one talking bout depression because he was really backstabbed.",1,saf even work greedy agent jose brought back highest fee loved like son jose one talking bout depression really backstabbed -"Pre pandemic, incidence of diagnosed depression was about 4% .. this increased to 32% during lockdown. Likewise, & cases of anxiety went from 5% to 31%. https://t.co/cZlqB1cXQE",1,pre pandemic incidence diagnosed depression increased lockdown likewise amp case anxiety went http co czlqb cxqe -"@n9ne_x @tgalloway72 @RWTaylors As someone that has suffered from depression and anxiety pretty much my whole life I can safely say lockdown made it a million times worse, your comment is thoughtless and insensitive, this lady lost her son, your experience is not everyone else’s. Grow up.",1,n9ne x tgalloway rwtaylors someone suffered depression anxiety pretty much whole life safely say lockdown made million time worse comment thoughtless insensitive lady lost son experience everyone else grow -"School connectedness, anxiety and depression: recent evidence and young people’s perspectives #ActiveIngredientsMH from National Elf Service Blog https://t.co/CjfjWX8rFh",1,school connectedness anxiety depression recent evidence young people perspective activeingredientsmh national elf service blog http co cjfjwx rfh -"@_TheeKween VhuliVhadza helps with anxiety, depression,heart break, any traumatic experience and loss of a loved one ....#ThelmasHerbs",1,theekween vhulivhadza help anxiety depression heart break traumatic experience loss loved one thelmasherbs -@Mueller1G Wusste ich vorher. Brauchst nur in unser Büro schauen. Die haben ne riesen Angst vor Covid. Lager interessiert das keine sau. Ihr longcovid ist ihre Depression und angststörung sonst gar nichts.,1,mueller g wusste ich vorher brauchst nur unser b ro schauen die haben ne riesen angst vor covid lager interessiert da keine sau ihr longcovid ist ihre depression und angstst rung sonst gar nichts -"@ProfKarolSikora Absolutely! I'm 37 shortly, been suffering with depression and medicated for 21 years, recently suicidal. Never been referred to mental health services until this year and been told I probably have ADHD but I doubt I will find out until my 40's. Unacceptable",1,profkarolsikora absolutely shortly suffering depression medicated year recently suicidal never referred mental health service year told probably adhd doubt find 0 unacceptable -I have bipolar depression and succumb to nihilism a lot. I'm so thankful to the people who still talk to me when I feel low and check in. Means more than you know. Love you all.,1,bipolar depression succumb nihilism lot thankful people still talk feel low check mean know love -"@_TheeKween #ThelmasHerbs Makes people forget unpleasant events such as depression, anxiety, loss of a loved one, heart break and any traumatic event.",1,theekween thelmasherbs make people forget unpleasant event depression anxiety loss loved one heart break traumatic event -Y’a une mamie de mon église qui m’a dit tu n’est pas blanche la dépression c’est pas pour toi 💀,1,une mamie de mon glise qui dit tu n est pa blanche la pression c est pa pour toi -"Depression""Frau Riebentrop"" https://t.co/5GkfSPZe4u",1,depression frau riebentrop http co gkfspze u -@pa_moracchini la boucle c'est ca >bonne prépa parce que mec intelligent >gros CV >taff débile ultra bien payé >dépression parce que gars trop conscient >se venge de tout ca en étant zélé + jouissances toxiques =>coincé en enfer.,1,pa moracchini la boucle c est ca gt bonne pr pa parce que mec intelligent gt gros cv gt taff bile ultra bien pay gt pression parce que gar trop conscient gt se venge de tout ca en tant z l jouissances toxiques gt coinc en enfer -Am I going through depression again?,1,going depression -@vamsi2share Kanisam ee cinemaki ayina maa depression gang arustaremo chudaali. Movie experience chedadobtaaru 😩,1,vamsi share kanisam ee cinemaki ayina maa depression gang arustaremo chudaali movie experience chedadobtaaru -"When you feel depressed, what's 1 thing you do to make yourself feel better? #depression #depressiontreatment #positiveimpact #positivevibesonly #positivepsychology #behappy #behappyandsmile https://t.co/yFiOjFBWz8",1,feel depressed thing make feel better depression depressiontreatment positiveimpact positivevibesonly positivepsychology behappy behappyandsmile http co yfiojfbwz -"@_TheeKween #ThelmasHerbs Makes people forget unpleasant events such as depression, anxiety, loss of a loved one, heart break and any traumatic event.",1,theekween thelmasherbs make people forget unpleasant event depression anxiety loss loved one heart break traumatic event -"@ohGodJAMnit ""My brain won't let me"". Bullshit. You set OUT to do it, and announce it in caps like an attention-seeking child throwing tantrums. You are not a victim, Jun. Look around, you do not have the monopoly on depression or shitty life circumstances or fucked up brain chemistry, lmao.",1,ohgodjamnit brain let bullshit set announce cap like attention seeking child throwing tantrum victim jun look around monopoly depression shitty life circumstance fucked brain chemistry lmao -"@randomjay825 The biggest mistake i have ever made. Now i have to live with the consequences. Stress, anxiety and depression.",1,randomjay biggest mistake ever made live consequence stress anxiety depression -@ThasoHTX Depression inducing sneakers 😭,1,thasohtx depression inducing sneaker -"@mizzzidc If you were my Sister, after Doing this, depression will be the least of your worries cos I’ll beat you to coma and the. Pay the hospital bills and 3 new Nike shoes by your bed side.",1,mizzzidc sister depression least worry co beat coma pay hospital bill new nike shoe bed side -@mahisshi danyok made my depression worse and turned me into a joker,1,mahisshi danyok made depression worse turned joker -"@Swoyer fighting depression isn’t as easy as it may seem because you never truly know how that person feels, and people have thoughts of suicide because they feel as if that’s the only “right” thing that they can do and they think it’s the “much easier” route to go along with life.",1,swoyer fighting depression easy may seem never truly know person feel people thought suicide feel right thing think much easier route go along life -@TPMP @DIVIZIO1 Les comparaisons à deux ronds pour se la jouer bien pensant. C'est comme si il disait à une personne qui a le bras cassé de ne pas se plaindre car d'autres ont les 2 jambes cassées... OUI des gens ont soufferts de dépression et NON il ne faut pas minimiser leurs souffrance...,1,tpmp divizio le comparaisons deux ronds pour se la jouer bien pensant c est comme si il disait une personne qui le bra ca de ne pa se plaindre car autres ont le jambes ca e oui de gen ont soufferts de pression et non il ne faut pa minimiser leurs souffrance -"@LaekanZeaKemp Mental health has been and will always be my favourite topic to talk about. Let's connect, @LaekanZeaKemp? I started my journey of writing to fight the silent battle against depression.",1,laekanzeakemp mental health always favourite topic talk let connect laekanzeakemp started journey writing fight silent battle depression -Don’t let depression slow you down ..we got this 💯!!,1,let depression slow got -New articles from #OBMIntegrativeAndComplementaryMedicine 📗COVID on the Brain: Anxiety Sensitivity and Mindful Awareness Mediate the Relationship between COVID-19 Obsession and Anxiety 🔗 https://t.co/VFeGM9dPZF 🔗 https://t.co/WKKEXnJDYs #COVID19 #Anxiety #Depression https://t.co/u6PEMBdVcm,1,new article obmintegrativeandcomplementarymedicine covid brain anxiety sensitivity mindful awareness mediate relationship covid 9 obsession anxiety http co vfegm9dpzf http co wkkexnjdys covid 9 anxiety depression http co u pembdvcm -@Niru045 Who tf even cares about her sneakers? Getting depression bc you can’t wear your sneakers for a few days? Wtf,1,niru0 tf even care sneaker getting depression bc wear sneaker day wtf -c'est étrangement les symptômes de la dépression ça,1,c est trangement le sympt me de la pression -"English isn't my first language, so I apologise if I use the wrong terminology. I also have issues with my brain, memory, focus - not only due to ADHD but also because I've been completely burned out/exhaustive depression several times in my life.",1,english first language apologise use wrong terminology also issue brain memory focus due adhd also completely burned exhaustive depression several time life -this doesn't help my depression,1,help depression -Depression a hit you outta nowhere.,1,depression hit outta nowhere -"@RegalKimi We're still clear of Man united in everyone's book & in refent times, the world. Man united is nothing but ""i bin get"" + class of 98 + smaller than Wolves plus a trophyless club that gives pogba nightmares & depression, he had to shave his hairs + ratio",1,regalkimi still clear man united everyone book amp refent time world man united nothing bin get class 9 smaller wolf plus trophyless club give pogba nightmare amp depression shave hair ratio -"@Black_Btrfly Bref ya beaucoup de choses, la chose a surtout pas faire c’est rester solo, parske la dépression arrive très très vite",1,black btrfly bref ya beaucoup de choses la chose surtout pa faire c est rester solo parske la pression arrive tr tr vite -A recent study found that medical marijuana failed to quell symptoms of anxiety and depression and instead doubled down on risks for developing addictive symptoms and cannabis use disorders. https://t.co/EzyaIc0sCk,1,recent study found medical marijuana failed quell symptom anxiety depression instead doubled risk developing addictive symptom cannabis use disorder http co ezyaic0sck -What do psychotherapists actually do? By @DrSusanHeitler https://t.co/gKJl5yYEtp #anger #Anxiety #depression #therapy #psychotherapist #Mentalhealth https://t.co/nqGTDGCzIY,1,psychotherapist actually drsusanheitler http co gkjl yyetp anger anxiety depression therapy psychotherapist mentalhealth http co nqgtdgcziy -"Who ever said there was a cure for depression was seriously wrong, you may be happy for a little while but in the end, it always comes back.",1,ever said cure depression seriously wrong may happy little end always come back -depression fr,1,depression fr -"allt jag tweetar om är jobbet, buss 179 och depression. d här e så sorgligt 😭💀",1,allt jag tweetar om r jobbet bus 9 och depression h r e sorgligt -Yay! It's time to fuck depressed! depressed (adjective): 1. low in spirits : sad; especially : affected by psychological depression 2. vertically flattened 3. having the central part lower than the margin https://t.co/plDMsM3ZXZ,1,yay time fuck depressed depressed adjective low spirit sad especially affected psychological depression vertically flattened central part lower margin http co pldmsm zxz -@fckeveryword In case you didn't know... depressed (adjective): 1. low in spirits : sad; especially : affected by psychological depression 2. vertically flattened 3. having the central part lower than the margin https://t.co/iv49MD42l3,1,fckeveryword case know depressed adjective low spirit sad especially affected psychological depression vertically flattened central part lower margin http co iv 9md l -I’m glad I watched this during the worst depression of my life bc I don’t remember a single thing other than that I loved it and I’m saving it for a rainy day,1,glad watched worst depression life bc remember single thing loved saving rainy day -"@camarade_menthe Profite bg, on a 1 peu de répit entre 35 et 50 si on saute la case calvasse. J'ai évité de la mettre d'ailleurs pour éviter les vagues de dépression à l'approche du w-end 😉",1,camarade menthe profite bg peu de r pit entre et 0 si saute la case calvasse j ai vit de la mettre ailleurs pour viter le vagues de pression l approche du w end -@_TheeKween #ThelmasHerbs Heart break Depression Anxiety,1,theekween thelmasherbs heart break depression anxiety -"Depression&anxiety changed me. 2018:tried to take my own life. 2019-with therapy and time I turned it all around! passing my trade test stabilizing myself becoming a dad and supporting my family. Now so clear that I don’t take shit from anyone, and they all hate me for it 😂👍🏻",1,depression amp anxiety changed 0 tried take life 0 9 therapy time turned around passing trade test stabilizing becoming dad supporting family clear take shit anyone hate -@JayJude8 @imthiyas_pv @kennylanta @ng_abdulbasit @goal Overcame depression? Then why did you choose to have depression in the first place since it was a choice?,1,jayjude imthiyas pv kennylanta ng abdulbasit goal overcame depression choose depression first place since choice -"@_TheeKween It helps with depression, loss of a loved one, anxiety , heart break or have witnessed something traumatic! #ThelmasHerbs",1,theekween help depression loss loved one anxiety heart break witnessed something traumatic thelmasherbs -People go into depression due to these reasons in relationship https://t.co/98USxvnja3,1,people go depression due reason relationship http co 9 usxvnja -"@_TheeKween Helps people who suffer from depression,anxiety,loss of loved ones,heartbreaking,or have witness something traumatic. #ThelmaHerbs",1,theekween help people suffer depression anxiety loss loved one heartbreaking witness something traumatic thelmaherbs -You go thru depression the first trimester of pregnancy??,1,go thru depression first trimester pregnancy -"@_TheeKween The herb helps for those that suffer from depression, anxiety, loss of a loved one, heartbreak or have witnessed something tramatic #ThelmaHerbs",1,theekween herb help suffer depression anxiety loss loved one heartbreak witnessed something tramatic thelmaherbs -"@_TheeKween Depression, Anxiety, Trauma........ #ThelmasHerbs",1,theekween depression anxiety trauma thelmasherbs -@TPMP @DIVIZIO1 Nous demandons à la production que Delormeau soit suspendu de cette émission et que cyril hanouna et c8 s'excusent publiquement auprès de tous les enfants qui sont suivie en pédopsychiatrie et qui sont en dépression à cause du covid. Je pense à Emma. De tout cœur avec elle,1,tpmp divizio nous demandons la production que delormeau soit suspendu de cette mission et que cyril hanouna et c excusent publiquement aupr de tous le enfants qui sont suivie en p dopsychiatrie et qui sont en pression cause du covid je pense emma de tout c ur avec elle -"@_TheeKween depression and anxiety , loss of loved one and heartbreak #ThelmasHerbs 🕯🕯🕯",1,theekween depression anxiety loss loved one heartbreak thelmasherbs -The action of nitroglycerine on digitalis induced ST depression in patients with coronary disease https://t.co/S9uqOYl3Kt,1,action nitroglycerine digitalis induced st depression patient coronary disease http co s9uqoyl kt -"@_TheeKween #ThelmasHerbs Makes people forget unpleasant events such as depression, anxiety, loss of a loved one, heart break and any traumatic event.",1,theekween thelmasherbs make people forget unpleasant event depression anxiety loss loved one heart break traumatic event -Top 10 Countries with the Highest Rates of Depression: @ United States https://t.co/AUbhVlr8he,1,top 0 country highest rate depression united state http co aubhvlr -"@Tolu_Pepper Omo, this happens every period but not through out. The depression is overwhelming and I crave so much sugar to balance the mood. Usually, chocolate helps me feel better.",1,tolu pepper omo happens every period depression overwhelming crave much sugar balance mood usually chocolate help feel better -"Depression comes from not forgiving the past, and trying to control the future. Happiness comes from living and working on the present.",1,depression come forgiving past trying control future happiness come living working present -@_TheeKween Depression,1,theekween depression -Speak to a therapist online via Skype for #anxiety and #depression. Online Mindfulness Therapy via Skype. Psychotherapy without drugs. The best option is to treat the underlying cause. Contact me to learn more. See:  https://t.co/a4Uafykh3U…,1,speak therapist online via skype anxiety depression online mindfulness therapy via skype psychotherapy without drug best option treat underlying cause contact learn see http co uafykh u -@_TheeKween It helps with anxiety and depression. #ThelmasHerbs,1,theekween help anxiety depression thelmasherbs -"""I am vengeance"" Batman is just emo.... If we had a superhero, his tag line would be: ""I am economic depression.""",1,vengeance batman emo superhero tag line would economic depression -"@_TheeKween It helps with depression, anxiety and loss of a loved one #ThelmasHerbs",1,theekween help depression anxiety loss loved one thelmasherbs -"@tairinonfir317 @FuDiggity @Shark3ozero My bc packet - low estrogen (less severe side effects). Reasons men dropped out in 08-12' study - pain, acne, depression, suicidal thoughts. The depression was main listed reason for halting trial. One case of possible infertility - current monitoring. I'm not saying male BC [1] https://t.co/E8l6I73wdF",1,tairinonfir fudiggity shark ozero bc packet low estrogen le severe side effect reason men dropped 0 study pain acne depression suicidal thought depression main listed reason halting trial one case possible infertility current monitoring saying male bc http co e l wdf -"@Iam_Gadifele @Gwen_Tlaka 😂😂😂😂😂😂Nna ke right ke tshwenya ke my gender gore ba tshwere bothata and they are getting stress, depression and all sorts of sicknesses because of basadi Mxm 🚮",1,iam gadifele gwen tlaka nna ke right ke tshwenya ke gender gore ba tshwere bothata getting stress depression sort sickness basadi mxm -@utdcynical @CrossyDailyStar Fans got depression watching the bollox,1,utdcynical crossydailystar fan got depression watching bollox -"@ergonomix For real, I've been there; in the pit. I've not wanted to exist because of it. No one deserves to feel that way, least of all, you; in any way! <3 My advice is to try and say ""this is my (anxiety/depression/whatever it may be) talking. Not me; I'm loved"" it may help<3 (2/2)",1,ergonomix real pit wanted exist one deserves feel way least way lt advice try say anxiety depression whatever may talking loved may help lt -"they say there are five stages of grief; denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. well, i'd like to add one more... revenge.",1,say five stage grief denial anger bargaining depression acceptance well like add one revenge -"@Tolu_Pepper My dear, ovulation, pms and period make my life complicated. The depression, SYMPTOMS 😭😭, emotional weariness, edginess, tiredness, actual pain. It's just a lot. You are not alone sis. We are all frustrated with you 😭😭 Sending hugs 🫂🫂❤️❤️",1,tolu pepper dear ovulation pm period make life complicated depression symptom emotional weariness edginess tiredness actual pain lot alone si frustrated sending hug -@ChrisExcel102 Hayi suka man you'll give him a depression😀😀😀😀😀😀,1,chrisexcel 0 hayi suka man give depression -i got an instagram ad for microdosing ketamine to treat depression uhhhhhhhhhhhh,1,got instagram ad microdosing ketamine treat depression uhhhhhhhhhhhh -Imagine you have deep psychological issues stemming from years of abuse and depression and your therapist just starts talking about how great communism is? What is wrong with these people?,1,imagine deep psychological issue stemming year abuse depression therapist start talking great communism wrong people -@tabuteauS Come off it.. Clearly not clinical depression if he's attributing it to playing under Mourinho. Takes a toll yeah but stop throwing around the word depression,1,tabuteaus come clearly clinical depression attributing playing mourinho take toll yeah stop throwing around word depression -"My previous knowledge of historical reasons for the depression, did not include History’s number 3. Now I’m really drawing a strong parallel between depression events and current events. https://t.co/FUxWvjyDJY",1,previous knowledge historical reason depression include history number really drawing strong parallel depression event current event http co fuxwvjydjy -Because I see a lot of people thinking they're alone with a certain problem. Slight trigger warning! My panic attacks have caused me to self harm. My depression got so bad that it affected my physical health. I couldn't get up without feeling dizzy for months. I kept waking up-,1,see lot people thinking alone certain problem slight trigger warning panic attack caused self harm depression got bad affected physical health get without feeling dizzy month kept waking -"I've struggled with panic attacks and depression for a few years now. I've talked about this on here before. I've had help from a therapist, she helped me a lot and I'm better now than ever. But I still know what it feels like. I want to be really transparent here-",1,struggled panic attack depression year talked help therapist helped lot better ever still know feel like want really transparent -Una go sha deh misuse the word depression. Kini radarada yi bayi?,1,una go sha deh misuse word depression kini radarada yi bayi -bjr il fait bo je veux retrouver mon moi du premier confinement celle qui faisait du sport et qui était pas en dépression hahahahahaha aled,1,bjr il fait bo je veux retrouver mon moi du premier confinement celle qui faisait du sport et qui tait pa en pression hahahahahaha aled -"@_TheeKween Depression, anxiety, pain of losing loved one, heart break #ThelmasHerbs",1,theekween depression anxiety pain losing loved one heart break thelmasherbs -Not having clothes is sending me into a state of depression that ion like.,1,clothes sending state depression ion like -"@DianaIsabela24 @Markus__Lanz @NataKlitschko @S_Vitvitska @jakluge @fiedelseb Wir müssen darauf achten, dass wir im Herzen den Sonnenschein nicht verlieren. Dauerhafte Traurigkeit, Depression u Aggression macht krank - und dann kriegen die uns am Ende doch noch ! „Hab Sonne im Herzen, ob‘s stürmt oder schneit ........“",1,dianaisabela markus lanz nataklitschko vitvitska jakluge fiedelseb wir ssen darauf achten das wir im herzen den sonnenschein nicht verlieren dauerhafte traurigkeit depression u aggression macht krank und dann kriegen die un ende doch noch hab sonne im herzen ob st rmt oder schneit -"@mutesi_lydie ese niba RBC isohora report ivugako murwanda 2 millions zabaturage nibura babana na depression,, cg nikihe gihugu gifite amateka nkayurwanda ahantu ugera urumushitsi ukajyanwa gusura inzibutso, nawe ubwawe ukavayo urira nyine utishimye?. so in some cases the report is 100% Ok.",1,mutesi lydie ese niba rbc isohora report ivugako murwanda million zabaturage nibura babana na depression cg nikihe gihugu gifite amateka nkayurwanda ahantu ugera urumushitsi ukajyanwa gusura inzibutso nawe ubwawe ukavayo urira nyine utishimye case report 00 ok -"@MariaSbtb @CNEWS L'histoire&+complexe que ça,la🇫🇷à vendu son âme au😈Tout&censuré sur 7mervine,même les+dangereux.C dans leur gêne&vive 2vol 2magouilles...&s'en tire'toujours!les lois🇫🇷& cloué de7folie.Ça pourrie la🇫🇷&pour prime les🇫🇷en dépression&la jeunesse empoisonné endoctriné 2laFM racailleu",1,mariasbtb cnews l histoire amp complexe que la vendu son au tout amp censur sur mervine le dangereux c dans leur g ne amp vive vol magouilles amp en tire toujours le lois amp clou de folie pourrie la amp pour prime le en pression amp la jeunesse empoisonn endoctrin lafm racailleu -"@ApsanaBegumMP @ucu It's like he entirely discounted the idea that staff at _non_striking universities might ALSO be suffering depression, overwork, stress, anxiety. Would it really be such a terrible thing to lead an investigation into the extent of these issues in the sector?!",1,apsanabegummp ucu like entirely discounted idea staff non striking university might also suffering depression overwork stress anxiety would really terrible thing lead investigation extent issue sector -"2. MedicalNewsToday details many uses for this in the treatment of anxiety, depression, and even PTSD. https://t.co/IWIVAMCebt",1,medicalnewstoday detail many us treatment anxiety depression even ptsd http co iwivamcebt -"Depression is cause by oneself thru one greed for those things that are bad for ones health that one can't manage. Firstly, you have to understand that you are the causes of ur depress state and you have 2 let go of Ur big Ego to come out of that situation by taking to people.",1,depression cause oneself thru one greed thing bad one health one manage firstly understand cause ur depress state let go ur big ego come situation taking people -On the 2nd anniversary of the first COVID-19 lockdown in the UK read about our meta-analysis showing increased rates of depression and anxiety during the 1st lockdown compared with pre-pandemic levels https://t.co/1qZ3GfZFHQ @GemmaMJTaylor @lucamdettmann,1,nd anniversary first covid 9 lockdown uk read meta analysis showing increased rate depression anxiety st lockdown compared pre pandemic level http co qz gfzfhq gemmamjtaylor lucamdettmann -Night two of deep depression I wish my meds didn't have some bad days bc im a mess. I don't feel like me this week and I'm just so incredibly sad,1,night two deep depression wish med bad day bc im mess feel like week incredibly sad -"The star, Citizen TV and Azimio bloggers are internally suffering from depression, hatred, denials the fact that Kenya Kwanza is the biggest coalition party in kenya. #RutoMusalia",1,star citizen tv azimio blogger internally suffering depression hatred denial fact kenya kwanza biggest coalition party kenya rutomusalia -Pauline va faire une dépression,1,pauline va faire une pression -@floppy2804 @atipyque @sarahelhairy Macron les a noyé dans la dépression pour ensuite leur offrir une porte de secours par l'amour du bénévolat ! La même méthode que Joseph Di Mambro sans les soucoupes volantes 😂,1,floppy 0 atipyque sarahelhairy macron le noy dans la pression pour ensuite leur offrir une porte de secours par l amour du b n volat la thode que joseph di mambro sans le soucoupes volantes -she’s guilt tripping him for feeling good about himself. She’s saying he’s the reason for her sadness and she’s missing a version of him where he was at his lowest. She didn’t even see the depression that lived in her husband because it made her comfortable.,1,guilt tripping feeling good saying reason sadness missing version lowest even see depression lived husband made comfortable -Today I felt like I wanted to die (but I didn't really) what sitting with someone in a dark place really means #depression #shadowself #emotionaleducation https://t.co/FwhL9D1JuE,1,today felt like wanted die really sitting someone dark place really mean depression shadowself emotionaleducation http co fwhl9d jue -@Frasar98 @TonyRouf @edgar_ojwang @NjeriWanyina Superiority. Take your depression else where. How you keep a conversation with a person with inferiority complex explaining your mental status. Wee go and cut trees,1,frasar9 tonyrouf edgar ojwang njeriwanyina superiority take depression else keep conversation person inferiority complex explaining mental status wee go cut tree -@letsinoRollz @ivy_nkk ignore consistent behaviour that spirals her back to depression? no guys. mental health first idc.,1,letsinorollz ivy nkk ignore consistent behaviour spiral back depression guy mental health first idc -"im thinking abt telling my parents abt everything. how i was molested. my ed. my sh problem. my depression, everything",1,im thinking abt telling parent abt everything molested ed sh problem depression everything -@julisa8a @seokjeng02 yes I needed them so much and when I was at my worst that's when I saw them and I was in total depression and I only wanted to kill myself but I can say that he really saved me with their music and their joy of living 😢😢😢😢🙏🙏🙏🙏💜💜🥰🥰🥰😊😊😊😭😭😭😔😔😭😭🥺🥺🥺🫂🫂 https://t.co/Tw2G9YLQdH,1,julisa seokjeng0 yes needed much worst saw total depression wanted kill say really saved music joy living http co tw g9ylqdh -"SSR faced sabotag€ with most vicious lies written abt him as blind items. But not one of these gossips wrote abt his add!ction or depression even tho ""everyone"" supposedly knew abt latter. Not Suspicious? @ips_nupurprasad @PMOIndia @DoPTGoI @HMOIndia SSR SOCIAL MEDIA COMPROMISED",1,ssr faced sabotag vicious lie written abt blind item one gossip wrote abt add ction depression even tho everyone supposedly knew abt latter suspicious ip nupurprasad pmoindia doptgoi hmoindia ssr social medium compromised -@_TheeKween Heart break Witnessing Trauma Anxiety Depression Loss of a loved one #ThelmasHerbs,1,theekween heart break witnessing trauma anxiety depression loss loved one thelmasherbs -Your mama wear your sneakers you enter depression??,1,mama wear sneaker enter depression -Who knew rishi sunak being incapable of using a fucking bank card would be what kicks off today's depression spiral lmao,1,knew rishi sunak incapable using fucking bank card would kick today depression spiral lmao -@dreamtimeswift @taylornation13 I saw her once for 1989 tour and I suffered serious post-concert depression the next day when I created a Spotify playlist for the tour setlist and I cried very badly in my bedroom 😭😭😭😭😭,1,dreamtimeswift taylornation saw 9 9 tour suffered serious post concert depression next day created spotify playlist tour setlist cried badly bedroom -"Sound Therapy To Reduce Anxiety, Mental Health & Depression ( GUARANTEED ) https://t.co/xipwe3LNCD #lavenderetherealmusic, #shorts, #sound, #to, #reduce, #anxiety, #depression, #stress, #music, #mental health, #therapy, #meditation music, #music for stress relief, #balance",1,sound therapy reduce anxiety mental health amp depression guaranteed http co xipwe lncd lavenderetherealmusic short sound reduce anxiety depression stress music mental health therapy meditation music music stress relief balance -@krisbelieve @Andarson_brel @BasilNgidi @mizzzidc @eng_bystuff @MJ_Cachinnate Yea you are right..imagine the pain and depression the mother will go through when she finds out her own blood daughter has humiliated her in bird app because of a NIKE of how much...,1,krisbelieve andarson brel basilngidi mizzzidc eng bystuff mj cachinnate yea right imagine pain depression mother go find blood daughter humiliated bird app nike much -@_TheeKween Heart break Witnessing Trauma Anxiety Depression Loss of a loved one #ThelmasHerbs,1,theekween heart break witnessing trauma anxiety depression loss loved one thelmasherbs -"THE LIGHT THAT SHINES THROUGH OH WHAT PRETTY COLORS TOO EVIL IS FOR STORIES AND THANK GOD FOR THE MOVIES THE DEPRESSION WAS AWFUL A NICKLE TOO I CHANGED MY MIND EVIL IS HUNGER , POVERTY ENDTHE WAR THE LIES THEY TELL FOR.",1,light shine oh pretty color evil story thank god movie depression awful nickle changed mind evil hunger poverty endthe war lie tell -@MaSithoko_Dlomo @mizzzidc Everything na depression for Una this days ... Looks like the heart is getting softer every year ...small thing ..mental health Nothing wokeness no go cause,1,masithoko dlomo mizzzidc everything na depression una day look like heart getting softer every year small thing mental health nothing wokeness go cause -@pistachenoire1 @laurent41265768 @Brevesdepresse On ne trouve pas le plein emploi en forçant les gens à bosser. Il n'y arrivera pas avec ses mesures. Il va gagner de + en + d'arrêt maladie dépression pour contourner le système. On pourrait arriver au plein emploi en améliorant par exemple les conditions de travail 1/2,1,pistachenoire laurent brevesdepresse ne trouve pa le plein emploi en ant le gen bosser il n arrivera pa avec s mesures il va gagner de en arr maladie pression pour contourner le syst pourrait arriver au plein emploi en liorant par exemple le condition de travail -@ElvisAmponsahk Generation yii yare😂. Then she throws in some depression card,1,elvisamponsahk generation yii yare throw depression card -"German #LongCovid study 90-95% had NO measurable physiological changes, ie psychosomatic risk factors 1. pre-exisiting psychological/psychiatric conditions: depression, postrauma, anxiety 2. specific jobs: bureaucrats, administrators, teachers Lower than average: physical labor https://t.co/67LLXtL45g",1,german longcovid study 90 9 measurable physiological change ie psychosomatic risk factor pre exisiting psychological psychiatric condition depression postrauma anxiety specific job bureaucrat administrator teacher lower average physical labor http co llxtl g -Don’t go into depression because of Fun you assumed others are having 🙄 Everybody just dey lie 😂😂,1,go depression fun assumed others everybody dey lie -@fornowshesgone depression did,1,fornowshesgone depression -"What have you learned from Depression? Don’t be selfish your experience might save someone’s life 😆 #AshewoSpace , Black stars",1,learned depression selfish experience might save someone life ashewospace black star -An ex-Muslim misses Veedu Vidz. ➡️ https://t.co/4z7Nqoa25u #ExMuslim #mentalhealth #depression #apostasy https://t.co/HOAp9arRmW,1,ex muslim miss veedu vidz http co z nqoa u exmuslim mentalhealth depression apostasy http co hoap9arrmw -@_TheeKween Heart break Trauma Anxiety Depression Pain of losing a loved one. #ThelmasHerbs #ThelmasHerbs,1,theekween heart break trauma anxiety depression pain losing loved one thelmasherbs thelmasherbs -"@_TheeKween Vhulivhadza helps those who suffer from depression, anxiety , heart break or have witnessed something traumatic! #ThelmasHerbs",1,theekween vhulivhadza help suffer depression anxiety heart break witnessed something traumatic thelmasherbs -#jeremyvine people will stop spending so the economy will contract further. Inflation rises further we end up with hyperinflation stagnation and ultimately a 30s style depression which the govt can’t do anything about.,1,jeremyvine people stop spending economy contract inflation rise end hyperinflation stagnation ultimately 0 style depression govt anything -Depression lori bata??? Oje lo ye ara e wo https://t.co/6eGkMkkaZb,1,depression lori bata oje lo ye ara e wo http co egkmkkazb -"because you have depression, love https://t.co/CNbLN5Ppkj",1,depression love http co cnbln ppkj -"I know that my depression is going terrible when it starts to be physically painful, I don’t know how to explain it but I’m in pain",1,know depression going terrible start physically painful know explain pain -Depression ke 😒😒😒😒😒😒,1,depression ke -hello twitter i’m on a one week leave from school bc i have depression! how are you all :D,1,hello twitter one week leave school bc depression -@_BeFoot @sport aubameyang en dépression,1,befoot sport aubameyang en pression -@azizul067 This cat singlehandedly cured my depression for a moment,1,azizul0 cat singlehandedly cured depression moment -"We're Here To Help! We are online therapy platform, which essentially connects certified psychologists and people suffering from mental health issues such as depression, stress and anxiety, among dozens of other clinically defined disorders. Book your appointment now: ... https://t.co/zIUWj0y0vD",1,help online therapy platform essentially connects certified psychologist people suffering mental health issue depression stress anxiety among dozen clinically defined disorder book appointment http co ziuwj0y0vd -@Rsurrection7 @Battle_2104 @copaincopain @mon_avis_a_moi @AQuatennens les éoliennes à depression sont des eoliennes. eole. vent. 🤦🏾‍♂️,1,rsurrection battle 0 copaincopain mon avis moi aquatennens le oliennes depression sont de eoliennes eole vent -I’m getting swole af tho. Jus need to get back on my healthier diet shit. Depression isn’t over but the eatin my feels part is. U can’t b depressed wit a 6pack. It’s medically impossible https://t.co/TYm4By4tAW,1,getting swole af tho jus need get back healthier diet shit depression eatin feel part u b depressed wit pack medically impossible http co tym taw -"@Bombassdyk @deathydescole Ma mère est croyante, lors de sa dépression on lui a rabaché que c'est à cause de sa foi etc. (Alors que la dépression est une maladie avec une composante biologique, un déficit de certains neurotransmetteurs) C'est fuir ce genre de personnes par exemple.",1,bombassdyk deathydescole est croyante lors de sa pression lui rabach que c est cause de sa foi etc alors que la pression est une maladie avec une composante biologique un ficit de certains neurotransmetteurs c est fuir ce genre de personnes par exemple -Depression do be hitting different 🥵,1,depression hitting different -"We're Here To Help! We are online therapy platform, which essentially connects certified psychologists and people suffering from mental health issues such as depression, stress and anxiety, among dozens of other clinically defined disorders. Book your appointment now: ... https://t.co/nglIPXulsq",1,help online therapy platform essentially connects certified psychologist people suffering mental health issue depression stress anxiety among dozen clinically defined disorder book appointment http co nglipxulsq -Y’all wanna talk about depression but wanna get mad at me for sleeping for 4 days!!?!??? …weird flex but ok .,1,wan na talk depression wan na get mad sleeping day weird flex ok -once I hear “Niphkeys” my depression disappears. I will not tolerate any Zino slander please.,1,hear niphkeys depression disappears tolerate zino slander please -"@chadjvalasek @TanaGaneva @_pem_pem @MikeNewswriter We don't know why lithium works, but at least it reduces the risk of suicide, even at doses not clinically effective for depression or mood stabilisation, SSRIs don't reduce the risk of suicide and in fact increase the risk. https://t.co/4i8vKah3Nq",1,chadjvalasek tanaganeva pem pem mikenewswriter know lithium work least reduces risk suicide even dos clinically effective depression mood stabilisation ssri reduce risk suicide fact increase risk http co vkah nq -A lot of people don’t struggle with depression they struggle with the reality we live in..!!#STILLPUSHING🅿️🅿️,1,lot people struggle depression struggle reality live stillpushing -"@jsuispasunkdo @anyattardee @Oshun30821630 @7paoloo Oui j'ai assez mal développé, dans un autre message j'ai bien expliqué qu'il ne faut jamais se moqué (derrière il peut y avoir de la dépression, du stresse, de la tristesse, un traitement, etc..)",1,jsuispasunkdo anyattardee oshun 0 0 paoloo oui j ai assez mal velopp dans un autre message j ai bien expliqu qu il ne faut jamais se moqu derri il peut avoir de la pression du stresse de la tristesse un traitement etc -5 signs that the USA and the world are headed for the worst economic depression - https://t.co/raJK1xjuOh https://t.co/jocTLuCSYZ,1,sign usa world headed worst economic depression http co rajk xjuoh http co joctlucsyz -Seasonal depression please exit stage left …. The suns made its come back. https://t.co/jDOTE81rjd,1,seasonal depression please exit stage left sun made come back http co jdote rjd -"Former Ohio St. football player Harry Miller medically retires from #football due to #mentalhealth concerns, delivers powerful message to anyone struggling with #depression https://t.co/LkynHIIIfj #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #endthestigma #health #wellness",1,former ohio st football player harry miller medically retires football due mentalhealth concern delivers powerful message anyone struggling depression http co lkynhiiifj mentalhealthawareness mentalhealthmatters endthestigma health wellness -@goal Depression ain’t feeling a bit sad bro 🤣👏🏿,1,goal depression feeling bit sad bro -"@biolakazeem Lmao you’re a 🤡. You infer that a grown man is lying about his struggles with depression and when you’re rightfully called out for that, you say it’s unprovoked. If you think you deserve empathy then surely you would’ve shown empathy to begin with.",1,biolakazeem lmao infer grown man lying struggle depression rightfully called say unprovoked think deserve empathy surely would shown empathy begin -@aalexaanne and that’s on what? depression PURRRR 💅,1,aalexaanne depression purrrr -In that mood of wanting to suffer my asthma attack as a form of self harm.... Depression sucks when it hits outta nowhere for what seems like no reason at all.. Finally coming out of auto pilot and I have no idea what triggered it.... Its thursday...,1,mood wanting suffer asthma attack form self harm depression suck hit outta nowhere seems like reason finally coming auto pilot idea triggered thursday -"talking bout depression, girl i just got off the pills",1,talking bout depression girl got pill -man i can barely remember when i was doing that games-style weight loss thing like depression really just wiped your memory and clears out all your plans huh like none of that shit mattered one day and no going back,1,man barely remember game style weight loss thing like depression really wiped memory clear plan huh like none shit mattered one day going back -"As a desi teenager, only KK’s discography can cure my depression now.",1,desi teenager kk discography cure depression -Mourinho shouldn’t let this Pogba slander slide. He should do his own interview and say watching Pogba play football gave him depression.,1,mourinho let pogba slander slide interview say watching pogba play football gave depression -"@startv @kaderiminoyuntv It's also crucial the scenarist address in depth,from a psychological point of view,themes that have been introduced throughout the story:abandonment(of biological parents,of the partner & family);depression; social pressure+ @AbusGul @dergecerim @ferayegizemkurt #KaderiminOyunu",1,startv kaderiminoyuntv also crucial scenarist address depth psychological point view theme introduced throughout story abandonment biological parent partner amp family depression social pressure abusgul dergecerim ferayegizemkurt kaderiminoyunu -New articles from #OBMIntegrativeAndComplementaryMedicine 📗Mindfulness in Tai Chi Chuan as Practised amongst Higher Education Students with Implications for Health and Learning: A Narrative Review 🔗 https://t.co/p58ACIAxzd 🔗 https://t.co/UsqjEKVyAq #TaiChiChuan #depression https://t.co/Scx6fegNqf,1,new article obmintegrativeandcomplementarymedicine mindfulness tai chi chuan practised amongst higher education student implication health learning narrative review http co p aciaxzd http co usqjekvyaq taichichuan depression http co scx fegnqf -"My depression, ptsd and anxiety have reached an all time high this past two months, its honestly breaking me",1,depression ptsd anxiety reached time high past two month honestly breaking -@LiberalNoMo @ThirtyOneMKs @nowthisnews So what advice would you give a man who has depression cuz he knows his sexuality is off and he’s attracted to men? He also feels uncomfortable in mens clothes and can’t get turned on from women. Or would you just not even associate with them even tho they’re an amazing person?,1,liberalnomo thirtyonemks nowthisnews advice would give man depression cuz know sexuality attracted men also feel uncomfortable men clothes get turned woman would even associate even tho amazing person -"@MenoChronic @blamethehormone @thismorning @carolynharris24 @drlouisenewson I am so sorry you went through that with your daughter. I spent years being treated for anorexia, depression, anxiety, self harm, EUPD until eventually being diagnosed with PMDD in 2016, even once diagnosed I spent a year in a psych unit to support me until I got surgery.",1,menochronic blamethehormone thismorning carolynharris drlouisenewson sorry went daughter spent year treated anorexia depression anxiety self harm eupd eventually diagnosed pmdd 0 even diagnosed spent year psych unit support got surgery -"@Julius_S_Malema ""Nyaope boys"" are causing havoc in townships. Breaking into houses. You can't protect the dealer. Our people are suffering and dying in depression. Come with solutions to create jobs/skills. We are tired of your speeches and poverty. We don't eat speeches https://t.co/xIw5WF8JKx",1,julius malema nyaope boy causing havoc township breaking house protect dealer people suffering dying depression come solution create job skill tired speech poverty eat speech http co xiw wf jkx -@AdolfEngelBrec1 Bakang Seretse's lawyers long called tautona gore ate go testify and that was the end of NPF case.Nna re unemployed all you do is worsen our depression...Sometimes it's better shut up cz you're part of the cartel that is robbing this country...Hao harologane nabo,1,adolfengelbrec bakang seretse lawyer long called tautona gore ate go testify end npf case nna unemployed worsen depression sometimes better shut cz part cartel robbing country hao harologane nabo -A new study shows that there is a correlation between depression and Dry Eye Syndrome (DED): Could troublesome #Eye symptoms feed depression or vice versa? Read more below and here: https://t.co/LHe78dBv2t #Ophthalmology #DED #Depression #MentalHealth #NewResearch @JAMAOphth @UPI,1,new study show correlation depression dry eye syndrome ded could troublesome eye symptom feed depression vice versa read http co lhe dbv ophthalmology ded depression mentalhealth newresearch jamaophth upi -"@paperbag1 Alcohol also works well on well-being and depression I hear...oh wait, we weren't doing that.",1,paperbag alcohol also work well well depression hear oh wait -"@mizzzidc @la_fisto I hope one day you get dragged unnecessary on social media like this by your children. If you think dragging your mom on social media will take you out of depression, then good luck to you.",1,mizzzidc la fisto hope one day get dragged unnecessary social medium like child think dragging mom social medium take depression good luck -@alpha_utd Yup depression of winning trophies least of all,1,alpha utd yup depression winning trophy least -Twitter is the only social media platform I don’t feel uncomfortable talking about how mentally ill I am. Im tired if struggling. #anxiety #depression,1,twitter social medium platform feel uncomfortable talking mentally ill im tired struggling anxiety depression -I'm glad I'm not alone. 🥲 Period depression is real.,1,glad alone period depression real -@laurenellise dying from crippling anxiety and depression,1,laurenellise dying crippling anxiety depression -"@_TheeKween Helps people who suffer from depression,anxiety,loss of loved ones,heartbreaking,or have witness something traumatic. #ThelmaHerbs",1,theekween help people suffer depression anxiety loss loved one heartbreaking witness something traumatic thelmaherbs -@Fact @Juicceyy Just say these are steps to depression!!,1,fact juicceyy say step depression -@gemma_brett I made a film with 4 teenage women who cared for their mums. Cold houses. Dark rooms. The love shown. The tears shed. The weight of responsibility. The frustration at missed opportunities. The depression. The anti-depressants. Castaways in their own lives. The youngest was 16,1,gemma brett made film teenage woman cared mum cold house dark room love shown tear shed weight responsibility frustration missed opportunity depression anti depressant castaway life youngest -@_TheeKween Anxiety and depression #ThelmasHerbs,1,theekween anxiety depression thelmasherbs -"@MaSithoko_Dlomo @mizzzidc I don't think Depression will make You post such on Twitter but I think there is more to Her lash out than just the Sneakers, uGurl uyaGower🤞🏿🤔",1,masithoko dlomo mizzzidc think depression make post twitter think lash sneaker ugurl uyagower -AT THE AFRICAN WOMEN IN CINEMA BLOG ARCHIVES African Women in Cinema addressing issues of #mentalhealth in #Africa LINKS TO POSTS: #postpartum #depression https://t.co/rnRIgVS2J9 #anxiety https://t.co/B5brZdrRyx #Alzheimers https://t.co/DsNoaGfOsB https://t.co/LOwW2IYMvn,1,african woman cinema blog archive african woman cinema addressing issue mentalhealth africa link post postpartum depression http co rnrigvs j9 anxiety http co b brzdrryx alzheimers http co dsnoagfosb http co loww iymvn -"@_TheeKween It helps people who suffer from depression,anxiety,loss of loved ones,heartbreaking,or have witness something traumatic. #ThelmaHerbs",1,theekween help people suffer depression anxiety loss loved one heartbreaking witness something traumatic thelmaherbs -@MaryJldn Thank you longest bout of depression and anxiety I’ve had but I’mthrough the other side 🙏🏻,1,maryjldn thank longest bout depression anxiety mthrough side -Today is my worse birthday depression. I can't even fake being excited for my birthday. Damn.,1,today worse birthday depression even fake excited birthday damn -Must be depression fr,1,must depression fr -Depression + Tavor macht einfach nur müde,1,depression tavor macht einfach nur de -@Meta_UFO Don't get involved @ any presale or lock project again. Of u don't want to spend the rest of ur life in depression.,1,meta ufo get involved presale lock project u want spend rest ur life depression -"""Over 2 years my ex husband waited to find out if this was going to court. In the process he lost his business, his taxi licence and his home! He began suffering from severe anxiety and depression and needed medication to help him get from one day to the next.""",1,year ex husband waited find going court process lost business taxi licence home began suffering severe anxiety depression needed medication help get one day next -@_TheeKween Heart break Trauma Anxiety Depression Pain of losing your loved one. #ThelmasHerbs,1,theekween heart break trauma anxiety depression pain losing loved one thelmasherbs -@kilishi_kween Because her mama carry her shoe she’ll enter depression and wants to heal na wa ooo if she carry your car and money fa,1,kilishi kween mama carry shoe enter depression want heal na wa ooo carry car money fa -@rohitdoss24 Yesss Romba Depression Aguthu.. Stress Aguthu Mudiyala...,1,rohitdoss yes romba depression aguthu stress aguthu mudiyala -can’t outrun depression unfortunately,1,outrun depression unfortunately -"@Swoyer You don't understand depression whatsoever. It's not something you have a universal method to fight against. Suicide isn't the first choice. It's the last. It's when the years of fighting, constant suffering and lack of hope finally outweigh the fear of taking your own life.",1,swoyer understand depression whatsoever something universal method fight suicide first choice last year fighting constant suffering lack hope finally outweigh fear taking life -having mirrors in a house doesn`t help with depression,1,mirror house help depression -@thabiler6 @ntsikimazwai It is a form of abuse. The results are permanent depression and enxiety. Depending on meds for the rest of your life.,1,thabiler ntsikimazwai form abuse result permanent depression enxiety depending med rest life -@JaxtarTwitch @DenisMcmichael @stats_feed Well being informed and suffering from depression are two different aspects 😉,1,jaxtartwitch denismcmichael stats feed well informed suffering depression two different aspect -@GeordiePaul81 @williamnhutton @Supermactoon governments have the means. This country was heavily in debt from WW1 and the Great Depression but they still had the resources and means to have the money and resources to fight WW2,1,geordiepaul williamnhutton supermactoon government mean country heavily debt ww great depression still resource mean money resource fight ww -@dg1158 Thank you depression and anxiety suck but I’m out the other side. X,1,dg thank depression anxiety suck side x -@_TheeKween Heart break Trauma Anxiety Depression Pain of losing your loved one. #ThelmasHerbs,1,theekween heart break trauma anxiety depression pain losing loved one thelmasherbs -Ranking OF king me permet de pas tombé totalement en dépression et aujourd’hui c’est le dernier épisode..,1,ranking king permet de pa tomb totalement en pression et aujourd hui c est le dernier pisode -excuse the blasphemy but no. i dont need God to tell me anything before I choose to do whats right. no my lack of religion isnt what gave me anxiety and depression. its your abusive parenting style on the first half of my life. dont blame my beliefs pls. 🙂,1,excuse blasphemy dont need god tell anything choose whats right lack religion isnt gave anxiety depression abusive parenting style first half life dont blame belief pls -Seasonal depression session over☀️😂,1,seasonal depression session -"Fighting the urge to withdraw from everyone so I can be on my weird, solo, depression phase in peace 🤸🏽‍♀️😁",1,fighting urge withdraw everyone weird solo depression phase peace -@_TheeKween Heart break Trauma Anxiety Depression Pain of losing your loved one. #ThelmasHerbs,1,theekween heart break trauma anxiety depression pain losing loved one thelmasherbs -@YinkaPost Man fell into depression. Y’all should relax,1,yinkapost man fell depression relax -"""Getting better from depression demands a lifelong commitment. I've made that commitment for my life's sake and for the sake of those who love me.""",1,getting better depression demand lifelong commitment made commitment life sake sake love -"IF Paul Pogba had depression at Man United, what about Mourinho and Ole? You'd be reaching for the revolver every time that shower of shite turned up in training. Every manager since Ferguson has been trying to compete with a 1st team that wouldn't get on the bench at ManCity",1,paul pogba depression man united mourinho ole reaching revolver every time shower shite turned training every manager since ferguson trying compete st team get bench mancity -"@atipyque @TARS9000 @sarahelhairy La jeunesse, je la rencontre tous les jours, elle est en dépression, elle ne croit plus en l'avenir, et c'est encore pire sous Macron. Les jeunes ne sont ni aveugles, ni cons.",1,atipyque tars9000 sarahelhairy la jeunesse je la rencontre tous le jours elle est en pression elle ne croit plus en l avenir et c est encore pire sou macron le jeunes ne sont ni aveugles ni con -@_TheeKween Depression anxiety loss of love one heartbreak trauma #ThelmasHerbs,1,theekween depression anxiety loss love one heartbreak trauma thelmasherbs -"People think I am I'm attitude, No dude I am alone.! , I am in depression..! I am in Overthinking..!",1,people think attitude dude alone depression overthinking -#Halitosis is also associated with #depression and symptoms of obsessive compulsive disorder.,1,halitosis also associated depression symptom obsessive compulsive disorder -i smell depression collab here,1,smell depression collab -... had a groupwork assignment from my university and my best co workers are my anxiety and depression 😏,1,groupwork assignment university best co worker anxiety depression -@hide_depression こちらこそ引き取りありがとうございました 可愛がってあげてください☺️,1,hide depression -"@clarseek_hajji If you do it, AS × AS. You be ready for whatever comes out of it, but you know the right thing..look for someone dat is AA. We don't want stories lamentation, grief, pain, depression later in life. My prayer is that you avoid this silly act.",1,clarseek hajji ready whatever come know right thing look someone dat aa want story lamentation grief pain depression later life prayer avoid silly act -@Badood776 @Sash77009295 @JimmyThomist @VaushV @Lauren_Southern Depression.,1,badood sash 009 9 jimmythomist vaushv lauren southern depression -@mizzzidc Any idea why u have depression? Dass it,1,mizzzidc idea u depression das -@Iamdepr47974144 How can I best support you right now? #mentalhealth #depression,1,iamdepr 9 best support right mentalhealth depression -Do you remember when you joined Twitter? I do! #MyTwitterAnniversary depression https://t.co/oOprMbTXHu,1,remember joined twitter mytwitteranniversary depression http co ooprmbtxhu -"@lamacurieux @Battle_2104 @copaincopain @mon_avis_a_moi @AQuatennens Du méthane artificiel, ca reste du méthane... La différence c'est qu'il permet de renforcer notre indépendance énergétique, si combiné à l'hydroélectrique, au Nucléaire, etc. Enfin, les éoliennes à dépression n'ont pas besoin de vent, idem pour celles des courants marins ;)",1,lamacurieux battle 0 copaincopain mon avis moi aquatennens du thane artificiel ca reste du thane la diff rence c est qu il permet de renforcer notre ind pendance nerg tique si combin l hydro lectrique au nucl aire etc enfin le oliennes pression n ont pa besoin de vent idem pour celles de courants marins -"@_TheeKween It helps with Heart break,Trauma,Anxiety,Depression and Pain of losing a loved one. #ThelmasHerbs",1,theekween help heart break trauma anxiety depression pain losing loved one thelmasherbs -"It’s all hugs and kisses till you wear sneakers and cause ""depression"", as you are buying sneakers for your kids pls buy your own too 😌😌😌😌….. Good morning ☀️",1,hug kiss till wear sneaker cause depression buying sneaker kid pls buy good morning -New podcast alert: @SurreyScorchers guard @cayraf92 joins the MVP Cast to reveal his retirement plans and how he dealt with depression by learning to speak up. https://t.co/4S7T9b8dvs,1,new podcast alert surreyscorchers guard cayraf9 join mvp cast reveal retirement plan dealt depression learning speak http co t9b dvs -"@_anti_p Longtemps j’ai cru que mon mec était un enfoiré la veille de mes règles 😁 J’ai fait aussi une dépression post-partum, parait que c’était lié. Les hormones montent progressivement puis s’écroulent d’un coup. À présent je consulte mon agenda qd c’est la fin du monde 😉",1,anti p longtemps j ai cru que mon mec tait un enfoir la veille de me r gles j ai fait aussi une pression post partum parait que c tait li le hormone montent progressivement puis croulent un coup pr sent je consulte mon agenda qd c est la fin du monde -@deucetwt dont think so.. its either new mechanics or you battle depression,1,deucetwt dont think either new mechanic battle depression -"@aaroncikaya Fcuk off playing the depression card. He can't handle the English Premier League and the micky mouse French league will suit his lazy style of play. FCUK off to PSG you Premier Leage Flop, you're a lazy sack of shite!!!",1,aaroncikaya fcuk playing depression card handle english premier league micky mouse french league suit lazy style play fcuk psg premier leage flop lazy sack shite -"Paul Pogba s’exprime sur la dépression. Dans une interview au Figaro, le milieu de terrain de l’Équipe de France et de Manchester United s’est confié sur la santé mentale des joueurs professionnels de football, en écho aux propos récents de Thierry Henry. https://t.co/F3o1DVbDO5",1,paul pogba exprime sur la pression dans une interview au figaro le milieu de terrain de l quipe de france et de manchester united est confi sur la sant mentale de joueurs professionnels de football en cho aux propos r cent de thierry henry http co f dvbdo -@_TheeKween #ThelmaHerbs Heart break Depression Anxiety 🙏🕯🙏 https://t.co/D4ys8MfB4W,1,theekween thelmaherbs heart break depression anxiety http co y mfb w -@itsNicari @ObeyAlliance Good morning Depression,1,itsnicari obeyalliance good morning depression -"@mizzzidc Politely, I ask: Are you mad? How dare you speak to you mum in this manner and even type it in words.. This is absolutely rubbish, depression ko, depression ni. This is complete madness, I pray you become a parent soon and get to experience this with your kids...",1,mizzzidc politely ask mad dare speak mum manner even type word absolutely rubbish depression ko depression ni complete madness pray become parent soon get experience kid -"Peut-être que je rate mon deuxième jour de labo, que je me sens super mal avec le combo règles et dépression, mais j'ai un petit chat qui me bave dessus 🥰 https://t.co/fLQwtPOKVn",1,peut tre que je rate mon deuxi jour de labo que je sen super mal avec le combo r gles et pression mais j ai un petit chat qui bave dessus http co flqwtpokvn -"@femibello1 Mourinho is a victim too,Pogba was playing badly and Pogba was a key player for Mourinho which led to his sack.Pogba naming Mourinho as a cause of his depression is bad. Pogba hasn't won any trophy or played consistently since Mou left. He wa treatedwell with Ole but still a mess",1,femibello mourinho victim pogba playing badly pogba key player mourinho led sack pogba naming mourinho cause depression bad pogba trophy played consistently since mou left wa treatedwell ole still mess -"@_TheeKween It helps with depression, anxiety, heartbreak and loss of a loved one #ThelmasHerbs",1,theekween help depression anxiety heartbreak loss loved one thelmasherbs -@Ojiaku96 Make I save myself from depression first 🥺,1,ojiaku9 make save depression first -"hurt my back and titty in the process,, shouldve waited another week to avoid the titty pain but its done now. n im very aware its gross but its called depression n being chronically ill",1,hurt back titty process shouldve waited another week avoid titty pain done n im aware gross called depression n chronically ill -"@_TheeKween #ThelmasHerbs Makes people forget unpleasant events such as depression, anxiety, loss of a loved one, heart break or any traumatic event.",1,theekween thelmasherbs make people forget unpleasant event depression anxiety loss loved one heart break traumatic event -"@etoro111 The worst thing Man Utd can do is offer him a new deal to match his financial demands!! Pogba is a Virus hence his partnership with Raoila.. All they want is Money, once they don’t get it , they start the noise about Football, depression bla bla !!",1,etoro worst thing man utd offer new deal match financial demand pogba virus hence partnership raoila want money get start noise football depression bla bla -I'm not where I'm supposed to be but I'll take this over depression 💯,1,supposed take depression -I wish it was just depression,1,wish depression -"New post: NEW Tagalog Reggae Classics Songs 2021 – Chocolate Factory ,Tropical Depression, Blakdyak https://t.co/HTQh1kebnH",1,new post new tagalog reggae classic song 0 – chocolate factory tropical depression blakdyak http co htqh kebnh -"@237gossipmail I make people forget they have problems, i depress depression,",1,gossipmail make people forget problem depress depression -"Hélas, elle n'est pas la seule. Nous avons tous ds notre entourage des jeunes en dépression. La #PolitiqueSanitaire de ces 2 dernières années a été terrible pour eux.",1,h la elle n est pa la seule nous avon tous d notre entourage de jeunes en pression la politiquesanitaire de ce derni re ann e terrible pour eux -@Fact You take supplements for depression too lol,1,fact take supplement depression lol -@_TheeKween Depression and Anxiety #ThelmasHerbs 🙏,1,theekween depression anxiety thelmasherbs -@mizzzidc Im sorry to say that you are one useless child any parent would wish to have.such a desrespectiful child .u spoke with your mother and u desrespected her enough privately why the need of posting on social media? We have people who suffer with depression stop hiding behind it,1,mizzzidc im sorry say one useless child parent would wish desrespectiful child u spoke mother u desrespected enough privately need posting social medium people suffer depression stop hiding behind -"n, if memory served, alcohol had always made him sad and mean. ""Yes. Tell me."" ""I was telling her how I felt after you left. How it just spun me into this depression. How I felt like I was in a hole and I couldn't crawl out of it and barely wanted (Radioactive Trees)",1,n memory served alcohol always made sad mean yes tell telling felt left spun depression felt like hole crawl barely wanted radioactive tree -@mizzzidc Lol imagine depression nge Nike 😂 niyaperforma thixo!!,1,mizzzidc lol imagine depression nge nike niyaperforma thixo -@_TheeKween It's helps with depression anxiety #ThelmasHerbs,1,theekween help depression anxiety thelmasherbs -"My heart my Gloom, your depression feels like the calm drift of smoke above the rage and fire of battle, your extrapolation badmouths like salt. I love you like a drifting sycamore seed",1,heart gloom depression feel like calm drift smoke rage fire battle extrapolation badmouths like salt love like drifting sycamore seed -@kgware_paballo @kay_mahapa Yall niphathwa Depression ngenxa yama Teki?,1,kgware paballo kay mahapa yall niphathwa depression ngenxa yama teki -"@_TheeKween Helps with Depression, Anxiety #ThelmasHerbs",1,theekween help depression anxiety thelmasherbs -@mizzzidc U deserve that depression truly,1,mizzzidc u deserve depression truly -New articles from #OBMNeurobiology 📗The Potential Impact of COVID-19 on Depression and Suicide Risk in Older Adults 🔗 https://t.co/8BRN3i8tCP 🔗 https://t.co/Aw5FkdqVZm #COVID19 #Pandemic,1,new article obmneurobiology potential impact covid 9 depression suicide risk older adult http co brn tcp http co aw fkdqvzm covid 9 pandemic -The fun thing about writing is sometimes the story pulls you in and asks questions that will need some researching to be done. Today and tomorrow are my research days and I will be cooking a great depression recipe. I think it would fit the Grim Dark perfectly.🤔,1,fun thing writing sometimes story pull asks question need researching done today tomorrow research day cooking great depression recipe think would fit grim dark perfectly -DEPRESSION IS NOT A JOKE ⚠️ Damn. Bangon pre.,1,depression joke damn bangon pre -@_TheeKween Heart break Trauma Anxiety Depression Pain of losing a loved one. #ThelmasHerbs #ThelmasHerbs https://t.co/ayY97a7U4r,1,theekween heart break trauma anxiety depression pain losing loved one thelmasherbs thelmasherbs http co ayy9 u r -"@_TheeKween Depression, anxiety and heart break #ThelmasHerbs",1,theekween depression anxiety heart break thelmasherbs -@_TheeKween Heart break Trauma Anxiety Depression Pain of losing a loved one. #ThelmasHerbs https://t.co/ayY97a7U4r,1,theekween heart break trauma anxiety depression pain losing loved one thelmasherbs http co ayy9 u r -"@_TheeKween The herb is ideal for those that suffer from depression, anxiety, loss of a loved one, heartbreak or have witnessed something tramatic #ThelmaHerbs",1,theekween herb ideal suffer depression anxiety loss loved one heartbreak witnessed something tramatic thelmaherbs -"Depression everywhere😩 depression is killing the youths RN, I hope that sh**t don’t come near us🙏🏻, Everything will be fine, let’s try Again Bro✌️Checkonyourlovesones❤️",1,depression everywhere depression killing youth rn hope sh come near u everything fine let try bro checkonyourlovesones -HAPPY HARDCORE HEALED MY DEPRESSION,1,happy hardcore healed depression -You can be rich asf and still suffer from depression.,1,rich asf still suffer depression -@HatoumaDks Mdrrrr dépression c’est petit même,1,hatoumadks mdrrrr pression c est petit -@therealSIR3 Ambassador. Dick’s go legend during the depression. when all else sucks. ish.,1,therealsir ambassador dick go legend depression else suck ish -@CNN In terms of immune system depression?,1,cnn term immune system depression -@_TheeKween depression and anxiety #ThelmasHerbs 🕯🕯,1,theekween depression anxiety thelmasherbs -i could post my face and the fact that im sexy everyday but my depression won’t allow me to flex on y’all niggas like dat,1,could post face fact im sexy everyday depression allow flex nigga like dat -Wahre Worte 👍👍 #depression #Depressionen #burnout,1,wahre worte depression depressionen burnout -"@_TheeKween It helps with depression, anxiety and loss of a loved one #Thelmaherbs",1,theekween help depression anxiety loss loved one thelmaherbs -@Gift_Makoti_ 😏😏😏Depression yama Teki...,1,gift makoti depression yama teki -@Jee44019039 Sathiyama mudiyala bro...Day by day romba toxic ah poguthu...namakum mentally depression aaguthu,1,jee 0 90 9 sathiyama mudiyala bro day day romba toxic ah poguthu namakum mentally depression aaguthu -@_TheeKween Heart break Trauma Anxiety Depression Pain of losing a loved one. #ThelmasHerbs #ThelmasHerbs #ThelmasHerbs,1,theekween heart break trauma anxiety depression pain losing loved one thelmasherbs thelmasherbs thelmasherbs -"@_TheeKween It helps with depression, anxiety and loss of a loved one #ThelmasHerbs",1,theekween help depression anxiety loss loved one thelmasherbs -this is not the time for my depression to act up but here it is again,1,time depression act -Im so badly trying not to let this depression sink its teeth into me 😔,1,im badly trying let depression sink teeth -"Id be fake as hell to come online and only post my wins. I also gotta tell u about the struggle, flat broke days, depression battles, years of rejection, and working day jobs to stay afloat. The payoff and blessings are def nice. But u gotta go thru hell and back to get there.",1,id fake hell come online post win also got ta tell u struggle flat broke day depression battle year rejection working day job stay afloat payoff blessing def nice u got ta go thru hell back get -this webinar had me on chokehold oh god it got me listening to my depression playlist at the fucking afternoon ?!?!?!?!?,1,webinar chokehold oh god got listening depression playlist fucking afternoon -"I miss my old version with zero depression, lot of motivation, drugs free, Zero anxiety 🤙💔",1,miss old version zero depression lot motivation drug free zero anxiety -"@YoubaViandeCru Aaaaah oui d’accord, je me demandais pour combien de temps je partais en dépression. Merci à toi!",1,youbaviandecru aaaaah oui accord je demandais pour combien de temp je partais en pression merci toi -@_TheeKween Depression and Anxiety #ThelmasHerbs,1,theekween depression anxiety thelmasherbs -New articles from #OBMNeurobiology 📗Antidepressant Treatment of Depression in the Elderly: Efficacy and Safety Considerations 🔗 https://t.co/HsU7G1PvHN 📗Narrative Review of Surgery for Myasthenia Gravis 🔗 https://t.co/SiqKS3rzXP #Depression #Pharmacotherapy #Antibody https://t.co/SCs0lBy0PI,1,new article obmneurobiology antidepressant treatment depression elderly efficacy safety consideration http co hsu g pvhn narrative review surgery myasthenia gravis http co siqks rzxp depression pharmacotherapy antibody http co scs0lby0pi -@FlashGetEm I don’t know what this means but i think it means depression kill you there 😂i sha like the reply as e take sound,1,flashgetem know mean think mean depression kill sha like reply e take sound -"@_TheeKween Heart break, Trauma, Anxiety, Depression, Pain of losing a loved one, when u have witnessed something traumatic #ThelmasHerbs",1,theekween heart break trauma anxiety depression pain losing loved one u witnessed something traumatic thelmasherbs -@hide_depression いえいえ、お気になさらず〜 先程と同じ番号でお待ちしてますね,1,hide depression -@fayokemi_keziah @_Oluchy Is it laughter or depression you’re wishing me 😢😩😩,1,fayokemi keziah oluchy laughter depression wishing -That depression can sieze today.,1,depression sieze today -I can’t tell if I’m actually enjoying life or I’m just dancing to distract myself from the depression atp #5amthoughts,1,tell actually enjoying life dancing distract depression atp amthoughts -@Tolu_Pepper @alexlobaloba The sadness and depression is real but nothing comes close to the feelings of miscarriages and losing a child. I will take the sadness and depression over the last two anytime,1,tolu pepper alexlobaloba sadness depression real nothing come close feeling miscarriage losing child take sadness depression last two anytime -@EtherealWater @thatemigirl @LmoneyTM @Brown_Eyed_Gyel @bongani_dee @mizzzidc Like? Does she know what depression is?!,1,etherealwater thatemigirl lmoneytm brown eyed gyel bongani dee mizzzidc like know depression -"Depression is when you don't want to kiII yourself, but you wish that you never existed. 😭😭😢💔💔",1,depression want kiii wish never existed -@CInoshikacho J'assumerai pas moi c sûr 🥺 La dernière fois j'ai fait une dépression post concert 🥺,1,cinoshikacho j assumerai pa moi c r la derni fois j ai fait une pression post concert -@Ugandan_Beauty @jackiearinda Ehhh ehhh!!Sandra won't send her to depression? Okubye nnyoo🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣,1,ugandan beauty jackiearinda ehhh ehhh sandra send depression okubye nnyoo -"@saidsabristi @mhs_paris Oui, mais les gens concernés pour MHS ont littéralement été détruits… bcp d’enfants en dépression, des parents, des enseignants… tout le monde n’a pas la même force ! Ces personnes ont subi une épreuve terrible… et aucune compassion de leurs semblables… il faut creuser plus",1,saidsabristi mhs paris oui mais le gen concern pour mhs ont litt ralement truits bcp enfants en pression de parent de enseignants tout le monde n pa la force ce personnes ont subi une preuve terrible et aucune compassion de leurs semblables il faut creuser plus -"Mental health scientists! Find out more about the new #WellcomeMentalHealth Award. A major new funding opportunity ""investigating the causal mechanisms underpinning effective interventions for anxiety, depression, and/or psychosis"" Webinar: 12pm 31 Mar https://t.co/MoQW89zD8t",1,mental health scientist find new wellcomementalhealth award major new funding opportunity investigating causal mechanism underpinning effective intervention anxiety depression psychosis webinar pm mar http co moqw 9zd -"depression, anxiety, LACK of sleep, LACK of new yukika music LACK of weed https://t.co/D7y296ZpRY",1,depression anxiety lack sleep lack new yukika music lack weed http co 9 zpry -@minjy___ Take care ye. Mungkin you boleh sembang sembang dengan kawan rapat you and luahkan apa di hati or do something that can give you satisfaction like house chores or running to get out from the depression,1,minjy take care ye mungkin boleh sembang sembang dengan kawan rapat luahkan apa di hati something give satisfaction like house chore running get depression -LMAO I literally forgot a whole-ass book. Venom but make it trans and about trauma and depression and even more explicitly gay than whatever was going on in let there be carnage https://t.co/owNSd1u7Rf,1,lmao literally forgot whole as book venom make trans trauma depression even explicitly gay whatever going let carnage http co ownsd u rf -"@Glorigeous Around middle school, specifically 2018/19 to 20, had my deepest depression fr and I’m thankful that I got out of it",1,glorigeous around middle school specifically 0 9 0 deepest depression fr thankful got -"@BrexitBuster When people starved to death in the Great Depression, Drs were ordered to put heart failure on the death certificate instead of malnutrition etc",1,brexitbuster people starved death great depression drs ordered put heart failure death certificate instead malnutrition etc -Keep it yall r u cappin so saturated no amo no Thotties! Trust me depression and over for a like they,1,keep yall r u cappin saturated amo thotties trust depression like -"@_MisterRabbitt It influences people more than love. Kindness, or Friendship. It will cause lovers to quarrel, people to be unkind, and others to throw away friendships. It brings about depression, envy, greed, and a whole plethora of immoral and unethical behaviors. Money truly rules all.",1,misterrabbitt influence people love kindness friendship cause lover quarrel people unkind others throw away friendship brings depression envy greed whole plethora immoral unethical behavior money truly rule -"@mizzzidc How can a pair of Nike spiral you back to depression?? If this is the case,your family house is not the problem.. You are the problem and you need to fix it.",1,mizzzidc pair nike spiral back depression case family house problem problem need fix -"tw// depression bello avere delle ""amiche"" che non riescono proprio a capire ANCHE SE SANNO che nei periodi in cui sto davvero molto male sparisco e quando scrivo loro e cerco di rimediare (come se la depressione sparisse così eh) non mi rispondono nemmeno 🤡",1,tw depression bello avere delle amiche che non riescono proprio capire anche se sanno che nei periodi cui sto davvero molto male sparisco e quando scrivo loro e cerco di rimediare come se la depressione sparisse co eh non mi rispondono nemmeno -Depression?? Your Mom taking your sneakers? It’s well.,1,depression mom taking sneaker well -@TheDeshBhakt Are u alright Posting against jihadis 😂 Waise watched some of your old conversation on newslaundery man u changed a lot...Ye modi bjp se hate is part of your own depression and propaganda,1,thedeshbhakt u alright posting jihadis waise watched old conversation newslaundery man u changed lot ye modi bjp se hate part depression propaganda -"@_TheeKween Vhulivhadza helps those who suffer from depression, anxiety , heart break or have witnessed something traumatic! #ThelmasHerbs",1,theekween vhulivhadza help suffer depression anxiety heart break witnessed something traumatic thelmasherbs -"Happy International Day Against Depression!!! Yeah, today is my birthday too lol.",1,happy international day depression yeah today birthday lol -@mizzzidc With all you have said you've almost landed that woman into depression 😒,1,mizzzidc said almost landed woman depression -"Again thank you thank you thank you, getting a gift during a really hard time cheers me up so much. I told my friend my depression has been cured 😭I am so happy I have no words to even say jsdkaal I'll try my best and work really hard!!!",1,thank thank thank getting gift really hard time cheer much told friend depression cured happy word even say jsdkaal try best work really hard -Paul Pogba reveals he struggled with depression from the fight with Jose Mourinho at Manchester United https://t.co/IuUvFeYTCe,1,paul pogba reveals struggled depression fight jose mourinho manchester united http co iuuvfeytce -@A_Zeeshan23 Still in depression🤔??,1,zeeshan still depression -@_TheeKween Heart break Trauma Anxiety Depression Pain of losing your loved one. #ThelmasHerbs,1,theekween heart break trauma anxiety depression pain losing loved one thelmasherbs -Je vais faire une dépression c'était mon jeu des pauses bu et avant de dormir 😭,1,je vais faire une pression c tait mon jeu de pause bu et avant de dormir -"@BipolarBlogger Well, I've been lied to that I am not ill biologically. Simple blood tests proved them wrong. Telling me I'm just mad and mentally ill, or having motivation issues due to bipolar depression, or irritability doesn't raise my thyroid hormones or help with bodily inflammation due",1,bipolarblogger well lied ill biologically simple blood test proved wrong telling mad mentally ill motivation issue due bipolar depression irritability raise thyroid hormone help bodily inflammation due -@depression_arai ありがとうなのだ。めっちゃもさもさしてる鶏むね肉何とかかきこんでるのだ。,1,depression arai -"@_TheeKween It helps with depression, anxiety and loss of a loved one #Thelmaherbs",1,theekween help depression anxiety loss loved one thelmaherbs -this post covid depression is making me go through it 🤦🏻‍♀️,1,post covid depression making go -Les supporters des Seahawks regardant les supporter des autres équipes rentrer en depression après le trade d'un franchise player: https://t.co/oy0E5kaF4R,1,le supporter de seahawks regardant le supporter de autres quipes rentrer en depression apr le trade un franchise player http co oy0e kaf r -@bornbytheswamp @makapa_makhoro @Kaybee_R_ @Bokang_the_bae Wish u nothing more but depression,1,bornbytheswamp makapa makhoro kaybee r bokang bae wish u nothing depression -@depression_arai それは楽でいいのだ！！ミネストローネとかご飯ランクがあがるのだ！,1,depression arai -Hi Twitter-verse. I know Its been a while.. But stupid depression and nightmares can kick my ass sometimes.. and I know a lot of my friends are here that I've not gotten a chance to hang out with in a while. I think about you guys quite often. I miss you all no matter what. ♥,1,hi twitter verse know stupid depression nightmare kick as sometimes know lot friend gotten chance hang think guy quite often miss matter -"@halalhomer_ They believe like Muslims will go and kill everyone like crazy. War is aimed on the corrupted leaders, the destructive system, which cause injustice and Chaos in a country. Just check out depression and suicide rates. If People know, they d beg Muslims to come and bring Islam.",1,halalhomer believe like muslim go kill everyone like crazy war aimed corrupted leader destructive system cause injustice chaos country check depression suicide rate people know beg muslim come bring islam -"💡In this meta-analysis, their findings indicate that, at a long follow-up interval, both positive effects, such as a mild improvement in anxiety and depression, and negative effects, such as a decrease of long-term memory, verbal fluency, and executive functions are observed.",1,meta analysis finding indicate long follow interval positive effect mild improvement anxiety depression negative effect decrease long term memory verbal fluency executive function observed -"Similarly, if you’re stuck in the ruts of depression, addiction or obsession, your brain will welcome the opportunity to restore some plasticity to its unhealthily rigid behavioural and cognitive models.",1,similarly stuck rut depression addiction obsession brain welcome opportunity restore plasticity unhealthily rigid behavioural cognitive model -@hide_depression タイミングが悪そうなので、また交換できるタイミングでお声掛けいただけると助かります〜,1,hide depression -"@_TheeKween Helps people who suffer from depression,anxiety,loss of loved ones,heartbreaking,or have witness something traumatic. #ThelmaHerbs https://t.co/3N2fluyYQw",1,theekween help people suffer depression anxiety loss loved one heartbreaking witness something traumatic thelmaherbs http co n fluyyqw -@__Alone_king_ kch din baad ye bhi chale jayenge depression main lmao,1,alone king kch din baad ye bhi chale jayenge depression main lmao -"Like i used to get so juice pressed about probably having unipolar depression for the rest of my life. I feel tht I’ve come to peace w it being either way. Now, w my messiness habit, im don’t kno wht to think & my feelings are quiet about tht rn",1,like used get juice pressed probably unipolar depression rest life feel tht come peace w either way w messiness habit im kno wht think amp feeling quiet tht rn -"@Nicorightsclub @AdridaPlagueBoi @Lowkebee @16BitDucc @mediumguyenergy @dreamwastaken Yea self diagnoses is important cuz how are u gonna go and get diagnosed in the first place lol. It also depends on the condition, its easy to tell if u have depression or anxiety. But something like idk BPD is super difficult to diagnose cuz its shares symptoms with other stuff",1,nicorightsclub adridaplagueboi lowkebee bitducc mediumguyenergy dreamwastaken yea self diagnosis important cuz u gon na go get diagnosed first place lol also depends condition easy tell u depression anxiety something like idk bpd super difficult diagnose cuz share symptom stuff -"@_TheeKween Heart break,Trauma,Anxiety,Depression and Pain of losing a loved one. #ThelmasHerbs",1,theekween heart break trauma anxiety depression pain losing loved one thelmasherbs -@mizzzidc Unfortunately this has a ripple effect on the victim's mental complex and WILL (no doubt) change their relationship with their parent. Condoning such toxic patterns in black households has left children with a lot of resentment and even worse - depression.,1,mizzzidc unfortunately ripple effect victim mental complex doubt change relationship parent condoning toxic pattern black household left child lot resentment even worse depression -"@FrancoisPillet @Clemenceji Ratio pour tenter de comparer un faf meurtrier qui avait des antécédents dans l'armée de violence avec ton pote qui a fait une dépression, tu es écœurant.",1,francoispillet clemenceji ratio pour tenter de comparer un faf meurtrier qui avait de ant c dent dans l arm e de violence avec ton pote qui fait une pression tu e c urant -"@bavugar Joker // ""LP"" is a tribute to the strongest person in the world, my wife. Depression will not faze us. This is for all those who are fighting for Mental Health Awareness and mental illness. You are not alone. Let's fight this together ✊🏼 https://t.co/Unb5fHKzpz",1,bavugar joker lp tribute strongest person world wife depression faze u fighting mental health awareness mental illness alone let fight together http co unb fhkzpz -"Giving them depression and anxiety! Cutting them off the food chain because, Its become all about collectibles and utility. Artists & Musicians have no utility they are the Utility",1,giving depression anxiety cutting food chain become collectible utility artist amp musician utility utility -Don’t worry I’m not taking part in a trial under false information. So even though bipolar people suffer with depression. Apparently only people with depression and then add on diagnosis eg anxiety can take part.,1,worry taking part trial false information even though bipolar people suffer depression apparently people depression add diagnosis eg anxiety take part -"@tessaamrtz_ Literal, yo ya casi no entro:( pq m coge depression",1,tessaamrtz literal yo ya casi entro pq coge depression -"@_TheeKween Vhulivhadza helps those who suffer from depression, anxiety , heart break or have witnessed something traumatic! #ThelmasHerbs",1,theekween vhulivhadza help suffer depression anxiety heart break witnessed something traumatic thelmasherbs -*Dil shikastagi isn’t quite the same as depression but nice word nonetheless. Very apt for me 24/7,1,dil shikastagi quite depression nice word nonetheless apt -@findinmyway2luv Depression hit me out of nowhere last night.,1,findinmyway luv depression hit nowhere last night -10 Supplements to Help Fight Depression... https://t.co/TC1TkC4ABj,1,0 supplement help fight depression http co tc tkc abj -"Let me ask you a question: are you a woman who has struggled with anxiety? As a result of my blindness, I used to suffer from worry….#depression #anxiety #women #disability #blindness https://t.co/3tZTN2UrtI https://t.co/In7aVGlHng",1,let ask question woman struggled anxiety result blindness used suffer worry depression anxiety woman disability blindness http co tztn urti http co avglhng -@_TheeKween Heart break Trauma Anxiety Depression Pain of losing a loved one. #ThelmasHerbs #ThelmasHerbs #ThelmasHerbs https://t.co/ayY97a7U4r,1,theekween heart break trauma anxiety depression pain losing loved one thelmasherbs thelmasherbs thelmasherbs http co ayy9 u r -"If you were to open my head you’d see 2% happiness and 98% pain…that 2% is my smile and laughter…the 98% is just regret, smh’ing, anger, stress and depression 🦦",1,open head see happiness 9 pain smile laughter 9 regret smh ing anger stress depression -#NowPlaying Manic Depression by Jimi Hendrix Experience 03:42 https://t.co/r3UMpQwwmv https://t.co/N6EvcmYgJC,1,nowplaying manic depression jimi hendrix experience 0 http co r umpqwwmv http co n evcmygjc -enough the depression! message in a bottle and the very first night streaming party starting now https://t.co/FQJBmbhaWg,1,enough depression message bottle first night streaming party starting http co fqjbmbhawg -#RaviVisvesvarayaSharadaPrasad https://t.co/tiVxONHqH2 Mental Health: Using social anxiety and depression as tools of productivity,1,ravivisvesvarayasharadaprasad http co tivxonhqh mental health using social anxiety depression tool productivity -SA’s mental healthcare costs rate average on the global scale: The Mental Health Price Index 2022 finds depression is average and anxiety is lower in SA than in many parts of the world. https://t.co/1RSAxGSEkb,1,sa mental healthcare cost rate average global scale mental health price index 0 find depression average anxiety lower sa many part world http co rsaxgsekb -@_TheeKween Heart break Trauma Anxiety Depression Pain of losing a loved one. #ThelmasHerbs #ThelmasHerbs https://t.co/ayY97a7U4r,1,theekween heart break trauma anxiety depression pain losing loved one thelmasherbs thelmasherbs http co ayy9 u r -Sometimes I feel like the target audience for Ovaltine beverage are people that are struggling with depression.,1,sometimes feel like target audience ovaltine beverage people struggling depression -Paul Pogba: Man Utd midfielder experienced depression under Jose Mourinho - BBC Sport https://t.co/LQIUVBTd4N,1,paul pogba man utd midfielder experienced depression jose mourinho bbc sport http co lqiuvbtd n -"I know how to get out, it starts with anger first, then thinking, tons of thinking, think my way out of my own jail cell of the mind, I`m breaking out of here, depression is a holding cell I don`t wish on anyone",1,know get start anger first thinking ton thinking think way jail cell mind breaking depression holding cell wish anyone -@KushalTweetz Guddha musko thammudu🥲💔 already depression loki going https://t.co/2wChQiqIwk,1,kushaltweetz guddha musko thammudu already depression loki going http co wchqiqiwk -"Content by Eugene Cacao Graphics by Kath Limfueco SOURCES: • Holland, K. (2018, September 25). How to Fight Depression: 20 Things to Try. Healthline. https://t.co/O1UdQtEJA3 • What Is Depression? (n.d.). American Psychiatric Association. https://t.co/QUoYN0J74b",1,content eugene cacao graphic kath limfueco source holland k 0 september fight depression 0 thing try healthline http co udqteja depression n american psychiatric association http co quoyn0j b -"@_TheeKween #ThelmasHerbs it helps with depression, anxiety. Makes you feel like your self again",1,theekween thelmasherbs help depression anxiety make feel like self -@LordReginald_ Same 🫡🫡 but if they survived the great dookie depression they’ll be alright,1,lordreginald survived great dookie depression alright -Depression because of sneakers. Qlyv👏🏽👐🏼,1,depression sneaker qlyv -"Having depression or any mental illness rather is not a sign of weakness. It does not limit and determine your capabilities and worth. To break the stigma, we should all learn to be more compassionate with one another.",1,depression mental illness rather sign weakness limit determine capability worth break stigma learn compassionate one another -"may 19th and september 6th are the worst days of the year for me and may in coming up so fast, i feel the depression kicking in",1,may 9th september th worst day year may coming fast feel depression kicking -I'm all set for post anime depression #AttackOnTitan https://t.co/VJ8JJWfrOw,1,set post anime depression attackontitan http co vj jjwfrow -"Lately, people have been romanticizing depression into something ""trendy,"" which further stigmatizes the illness and the people diagnosed with it.",1,lately people romanticizing depression something trendy stigmatizes illness people diagnosed -"If your own brand of depression makes you bring your mum to the timeline for public flogging, it's not depression that is plaguing you. It is just plain old foolishness. Your whole operating system is corrupted and needs a total overhaul.",1,brand depression make bring mum timeline public flogging depression plaguing plain old foolishness whole operating system corrupted need total overhaul -"@nataliekatoart Good morning. You are not alone in the depression phase, I experienced it too. Keep spirit.",1,nataliekatoart good morning alone depression phase experienced keep spirit -@_TheeKween Heart break Trauma Anxiety Depression Pain of losing a loved one. #ThelmasHerbs https://t.co/ayY97a7U4r,1,theekween heart break trauma anxiety depression pain losing loved one thelmasherbs http co ayy9 u r -@_TheeKween Depression le anxiety #ThelmasHerbs 🕯🕯🙏🏾,1,theekween depression le anxiety thelmasherbs -@_TheeKween Depression and anxiety #ThelmasHerbs,1,theekween depression anxiety thelmasherbs -"@GOP @7eleven One day, pays all employees monthly pay. One day!!! You have no idea!!! @GOP with gas as high as $7 to rent being $2500… @USEEOC these corporate companies are going to lose to the depression. And the government clash. None of these companies would survive without ppl like me",1,gop eleven one day pay employee monthly pay one day idea gop gas high rent 00 useeoc corporate company going lose depression government clash none company would survive without ppl like -"@_TheeKween The herb is ideal for those that suffer from depression, anxiety, loss of a loved one, heartbreak or have witnessed something tramatic #ThelmaHerbs",1,theekween herb ideal suffer depression anxiety loss loved one heartbreak witnessed something tramatic thelmaherbs -I'm back. Unintentionally took a mental health break. My depression got pretty rough.,1,back unintentionally took mental health break depression got pretty rough -I would like to send Hugs out to anyone who is fighting depression. I feel you and I am too. Please have Trust and Faith in the Divine you are Loved. We all need to know this . I wish for Healing for Everyone. BB . 💗🙏💗🦋🕊,1,would like send hug anyone fighting depression feel please trust faith divine loved need know wish healing everyone bb -"I've been eating on time, but I feel like my main meals consisted of some food and depression",1,eating time feel like main meal consisted food depression -Vinpocetine for Depression Symptoms & Mood Disorder Relief - https://t.co/ZaPFKyxDG9 https://t.co/2HQhOZYG3U,1,vinpocetine depression symptom amp mood disorder relief http co zapfkyxdg9 http co hqhozyg u -Depression ya these days yi nobu Bipolar inside. Which one is this one?,1,depression ya day yi nobu bipolar inside one one -depression is my friend,1,depression friend -"The American Psychiatric Association (APA) states that depression is a common and severe mental illness that affects how individuals feel, think, and act. https://t.co/ARSp3SyayJ",1,american psychiatric association apa state depression common severe mental illness affect individual feel think act http co arsp syayj -@_TheeKween It helps those that suffer from depression and anxiety #ThelmasHerbs,1,theekween help suffer depression anxiety thelmasherbs -"@_TheeKween Depression,anxiety , heart break #ThelmasHerbs",1,theekween depression anxiety heart break thelmasherbs -@ddofinternet First! You get a bottle of water! Second! You drink it! Third! You become more depressed! Fourth! Depression!,1,ddofinternet first get bottle water second drink third become depressed fourth depression -"Trained NHS therapists are here to help you with your mental health. If you have feelings of anxiety or depression, you can refer yourself, or your GP can refer you. Let us help you get your feet back on the ground. Go to https://t.co/e7onPGTu7N #TalkingTheparies #HelpUsHelpYou https://t.co/ZXLJdcTVDp",1,trained nh therapist help mental health feeling anxiety depression refer gp refer let u help get foot back ground go http co e onpgtu n talkingtheparies helpushelpyou http co zxljdctvdp -"@_TheeKween It helps with depression, anxiety and loss of a loved one #Thelmaherbs",1,theekween help depression anxiety loss loved one thelmaherbs -@__cassou post concert depression tu connais,1,cassou post concert depression tu connais -Haven’t done much on Twitter lately. Been in a slight depression how’s my Twitter fam!,1,done much twitter lately slight depression twitter fam -"The majority of society mixes up depression with feeling sorrow or immense grief. However, we must understand that the sense of sadness is completely different from a mental illness rooted in depression. https://t.co/BFshs1dmnc",1,majority society mix depression feeling sorrow immense grief however must understand sense sadness completely different mental illness rooted depression http co bfshs dmnc -@_TheeKween Depression and anxiety #ThelmasHerbs,1,theekween depression anxiety thelmasherbs -Depression 0,1,depression 0 -"From all the anxiety and depression that I overcame, here's the essential lesson that I got 🥰❤️ In the end, I only got my back 🌻",1,anxiety depression overcame essential lesson got end got back -"@ESPNFC So you give up, start whining and blame Jose. Sulking and depression are not the same. Depression is hideous, sulking is childish and attention seeking.",1,espnfc give start whining blame jose sulking depression depression hideous sulking childish attention seeking -@_TheeKween Helps with Depression #ThelmasHerbs,1,theekween help depression thelmasherbs -"add also: insomnia, denial, depression, hopelessness, 1 step forward and 100 steps back because people still making parallels scenes with another dramas, and never move on from you https://t.co/if4zghqEBM",1,add also insomnia denial depression hopelessness step forward 00 step back people still making parallel scene another drama never move http co zghqebm -@_TheeKween depression and anxiety 🕯🕯 #ThelmasHerbs,1,theekween depression anxiety thelmasherbs -"Depression is a mental illness that has multiple faces & is different per individual, it comes in different forms & it’s important to acknowledge the fact that it can affect anyone, & no one is immune to it. Read up more about this article by @CapeTimesSA https://t.co/Y0wLrtvfMq",1,depression mental illness multiple face amp different per individual come different form amp important acknowledge fact affect anyone amp one immune read article capetimessa http co y0wlrtvfmq -Parents contribute to their children's depression.,1,parent contribute child depression -Depression and suicide trying to win but I'm fighting this battle,1,depression suicide trying win fighting battle -"Visit my #blog for some exciting #articles #Makeup #Beauty, #depression #LifeWithCerebralPalsy https://t.co/G5vTREPuiJ https://t.co/z7WuDTFgjf",1,visit blog exciting article makeup beauty depression lifewithcerebralpalsy http co g vtrepuij http co z wudtfgjf -"“You became this person in a dark room, in a dressing gown, completely unable to function.” If your child is experiencing depression there is hope for recovery. #HeadwayDAILY 👉 See more at https://t.co/MEoFhAqKeL Maudsley Learning #FamilyMentalWealth #FamilyMentalHealth https://t.co/Fce4bPTKZz",1,became person dark room dressing gown completely unable function child experiencing depression hope recovery headwaydaily see http co meofhaqkel maudsley learning familymentalwealth familymentalhealth http co fce bptkzz -New podcast alert: Surrey Scorchers guard Caylin Raftopoulos joins the MVP Cast to reveal his retirement plans and how he dealt with depression by learning to speak up. https://t.co/fN2qBL1R7z,1,new podcast alert surrey scorcher guard caylin raftopoulos join mvp cast reveal retirement plan dealt depression learning speak http co fn qbl r z -"The @GLADStudy is interested in learning about the underlying psychological, medical & genetic risk factors that play a crucial role in #anxiety & #depression Visit https://t.co/DNziZcccur & register your interest from Cornwall Partnership NHS Foundation Trust @NIHRresearch https://t.co/7oSgUsuw4J",1,gladstudy interested learning underlying psychological medical amp genetic risk factor play crucial role anxiety amp depression visit http co dnzizcccur amp register interest cornwall partnership nh foundation trust nihrresearch http co osgusuw j -"#TriviaThursday #OnePsychCommunity TRIGGER WARNING - The following post discusses depression, suicidal ideations, and suicidal attempts that may be harmful to some audiences. Readers' discretion is advised. https://t.co/3TUFohfQG5",1,triviathursday onepsychcommunity trigger warning following post discus depression suicidal ideation suicidal attempt may harmful audience reader discretion advised http co tufohfqg -Il y a littéralement ce qu’on appelle la dépression hivernale… donc oui oui 2-3 rayons de soleil tout le monde est content,1,il litt ralement ce qu appelle la pression hivernale donc oui oui rayon de soleil tout le monde est content -@DeltaWGMI for my depression,1,deltawgmi depression -"But it's honestly time to go.. I can slowly feel depression creeping in with the amount of time I spend here unhappy. If anyone comes across this tweet please assist me with recommendations,reference or job placement, being in the HR field I fully understand how difficult it is",1,honestly time go slowly feel depression creeping amount time spend unhappy anyone come across tweet please assist recommendation reference job placement hr field fully understand difficult -"abitofdarkness: the thing about depression is that you dont feel sad, you feel sick. sick of life, sick of yourself and sick of everyone and everything around you. depression, makes you hate everything, it makes you angry. its like being... https://t.co/1SpNYEoLkd",1,abitofdarkness thing depression dont feel sad feel sick sick life sick sick everyone everything around depression make hate everything make angry like http co spnyeolkd -"Every thought is a battle. Every breath is a war, and I don't think I'm winning anymore. #depression #depressed https://t.co/55v8m466Af",1,every thought battle every breath war think winning anymore depression depressed http co v af -@susie_dent But when I do it I have 'clinical depression and anxiety' and need to 'take my medication' smh,1,susie dent clinical depression anxiety need take medication smh -"@thomas_pennec Gna gna gna protéger les autres gna gna pour vous pour nous gna gna gna on est obligé c’est la loi gna gna gna. ALLER AU DIABLE! Quelque chose d’obligé qui fout les momes en dépression, pas un seul putain d’adulte aussi abruti soit il ne devrait l’accepter, point.",1,thomas pennec gna gna gna prot ger le autres gna gna pour vous pour nous gna gna gna est oblig c est la loi gna gna gna aller au diable quelque chose oblig qui fout le momes en pression pa un seul putain adulte aussi abruti soit il ne devrait l accepter point -Fvck off girl. Trying to use depression to get support and sh*t. Just fvck off,1,fvck girl trying use depression get support sh fvck -@balqeesabd_ People that are mad. They don too abuse mental health and depression too much,1,balqeesabd people mad abuse mental health depression much -@Tharani_DD Summa than undu than velai undu nu irukara pullaiya pudichi santhula iluthu vittu depression range ku kondu poitu pecha paaru https://t.co/68l6voRkGA,1,tharani dd summa undu velai undu nu irukara pullaiya pudichi santhula iluthu vittu depression range ku kondu poitu pecha paaru http co l vorkga -"...... Wait, I take that back. Rather than just for today, stay away from me for the rest of my life. My depression will only get worse with you around.",1,wait take back rather today stay away rest life depression get worse around -@SirTagCR The depression you get from losing five battles continuously......😅,1,sirtagcr depression get losing five battle continuously -@TaniaLT @Beth_Tastic @WidgetsWorld @SpcialNdsJungle @teamsquarepeg @sos_sen @IPSEAcharity @SendCrisis @SteveBroach @eleanorjwright @kimturner70 @gfreeman2012 @RenataBplus3 But in reality I get it. I spent months in deep depression because of LA moves to remove our kids. Parents are exhausted and energy is pretty much depleted. Trying to get by on the minimum in financial support and tangible support. Fighting relentlessly for our own kids.,1,tanialt beth tastic widgetsworld spcialndsjungle teamsquarepeg so sen ipseacharity sendcrisis stevebroach eleanorjwright kimturner 0 gfreeman 0 renatabplus reality get spent month deep depression la move remove kid parent exhausted energy pretty much depleted trying get minimum financial support tangible support fighting relentlessly kid -@ShyTheo @mizzzidc @Pappy_Bright The depression part is kinda much but if it were me I'd be really mad cos according to her...it's a repeated action 😞,1,shytheo mizzzidc pappy bright depression part kinda much really mad co according repeated action -"@Mindset_Machine These are helpful suggestions, but don’t guilt yourself if you can’t always achieve them. Clinical depression, anxiety, etc. and be disabling, and often require professional treatment to overcome. Be patient with yourself, and simply do the best you can with what life gives you.",1,mindset machine helpful suggestion guilt always achieve clinical depression anxiety etc disabling often require professional treatment overcome patient simply best life give -Depression has no face and it chooses no one.,1,depression face chooses one -"I most likely need time away from social media so I can get this flooring project started and find a new job in the process, burn some fat, maybe just maybe start to look attractive again to women, this here, sitting around, accepting depression as my best friend isn't working",1,likely need time away social medium get flooring project started find new job process burn fat maybe maybe start look attractive woman sitting around accepting depression best friend working -"getting 30/40 a piece. Thats out of the 8 tests i have done so far for ATAR. In that I have failed 6 tests and pretty much cause the first real hit of depression. I am working with people now to try improve those marks, but the fact that my brain went to the length of saying ...",1,getting 0 0 piece thats test done far atar failed test pretty much cause first real hit depression working people try improve mark fact brain went length saying -@pjakma @gadboit Probably did well for mental health too? A friend of ours who lives in Sweden came over to the UK last year and said literally everyone he met here had at least mild depression.,1,pjakma gadboit probably well mental health friend life sweden came uk last year said literally everyone met least mild depression -"Stop faking happiness. If you are not happy, say it and see the help. Depression kills faster than you could ever imagine.",1,stop faking happiness happy say see help depression kill faster could ever imagine -All these because of sneakers? Make una try dey choose the problems wey una no wan get. How will this spiral you back into depression?,1,sneaker make una try dey choose problem wey una wan get spiral back depression -"LSD was used in the treatment of anxiety, depression, psychosomatic diseases and addiction..... https://t.co/zdXHKDQEAn",1,lsd used treatment anxiety depression psychosomatic disease addiction http co zdxhkdqean -"@roberta_ruffolo @_atanas_ @HospitalsTalkTo @Gil_Bashe @robturnerwrites @WearablesExpert @rgergelymd Had Covid last year Jan, almost lost my life. Took me 2 months to recover, extra 2 to revitalize. Battled heart disease for a whole year before contracting Covid. My depression got severe and I went to start treatment. Lost my mom same period. Started ideating suicide. Was Tough",1,roberta ruffolo atanas hospitalstalkto gil bashe robturnerwrites wearablesexpert rgergelymd covid last year jan almost lost life took month recover extra revitalize battled heart disease whole year contracting covid depression got severe went start treatment lost mom period started ideating suicide tough -@hide_depression いかくのオスですね、かしこまりました 合言葉55778888 tnるる こちらまでお願いします〜,1,hide depression tn -Just one hug to relief depression,1,one hug relief depression -"Well..with 96,8% score i got a MSCA PF - still can hardly believe it 🤭👀🤓😎🎊 🎉 I will spend 2.5 years across @LabReif @lab_maier & @Winclove studying gut microbes of treatment resistant depression patients, working towards a probiotics product supporting treatment efficacy",1,well 9 score got msca pf still hardly believe spend year across labreif lab maier amp winclove studying gut microbe treatment resistant depression patient working towards probiotic product supporting treatment efficacy -Post-Anime Depression. Sadge.,1,post anime depression sadge -"@lightsnoor Funfact : c'est scientifiquement prouvé que oui la lumière a un effet sur le moral des gens (plus ou moins prononcé), d'où les depression d'hiver quand y'en a moins ect. Donc au fond on est tous des plantes",1,lightsnoor funfact c est scientifiquement prouv que oui la lumi un effet sur le moral de gen plus ou moins prononc le depression hiver quand en moins ect donc au fond est tous de plantes -I'm laughing coz I'm high on depression.,1,laughing coz high depression -"The audacity some of you exhibit on this app is a lot. Then spice it up with talks of ""depression"" please sis",1,audacity exhibit app lot spice talk depression please si -"Nach Jahren, die ich mit 1. einem Narzissten, 2. einem Mann, dem alles egal war, und 3. jemandem mit Depression verbracht habe, wird mir immer klarer, daß ich absolut keine Vorstellung davon habe, wie eine sichere, vertrauens- und liebevolle Beziehung eigentlich aussehen sollte.",1,nach jahren die ich mit einem narzissten einem mann dem alles egal war und jemandem mit depression verbracht habe wird mir immer klarer da ich absolut keine vorstellung davon habe wie eine sichere vertrauens und liebevolle beziehung eigentlich aussehen sollte -could a man with depression own and operate an air fryer?? didn't think so,1,could man depression operate air fryer think -"@tazgezwitscher bekommt und durch geht, weil es doch so einfach ist und du sitzt in dem Raum allein mit diesem Monster namens Depression und bekommst den Arm nicht hoch vor Starrheit und Angst und all dem anderen. Und niemand auf der anderen Seite versteht das weil keiner das Monster sieht. 2",1,tazgezwitscher bekommt und durch geht weil e doch einfach ist und du sitzt dem raum allein mit diesem monster namens depression und bekommst den arm nicht hoch vor starrheit und angst und dem anderen und niemand auf der anderen seite versteht da weil keiner da monster sieht -Y'all throw the depression word all over nje. Mme o ikadima di ayashisa amatakkie...nywe nywe spiral to depression. 😩😩,1,throw depression word nje mme ikadima di ayashisa amatakkie nywe nywe spiral depression -"Wo ist die Studie eigentlich veröffentlicht, oder machen wir öffentliche Diskussion jetzt einfach ohne Faktenbasis? Tipp für alle, die auch schlechte Studien machen wollen: Einfach die spezifischen Longcovid-Symptome nicht testen (Kipptisch usw), dafür Depression nicht abgrenzen.",1,wo ist die studie eigentlich ver ffentlicht oder machen wir ffentliche diskussion jetzt einfach ohne faktenbasis tipp f r alle die auch schlechte studien machen wollen einfach die spezifischen longcovid symptome nicht testen kipptisch usw daf r depression nicht abgrenzen -"Nhlanhla lux will mislead you, if you have stress and depression of unemployment.",1,nhlanhla lux mislead stress depression unemployment -slowly getting dragged by the foot into a depression pit and i can't tell if it's bc i slept wrong or if there's literally no reason at all,1,slowly getting dragged foot depression pit tell bc slept wrong literally reason -كامل الناس في تويتر عندهم dépression,1,pression -Depression has no face and it chooses no one. 😶‍🌫️,1,depression face chooses one -I suffer depression just hearing Jose Mourinho's name,1,suffer depression hearing jose mourinho name -"""fuck your depression"" uno 😭",1,fuck depression uno -Everybody's trying to feel OK about themselves #otherpeople #mentalhealth #selfhelp #depression #anxiety,1,everybody trying feel ok otherpeople mentalhealth selfhelp depression anxiety -@natalie_17 @CraigF1998 @MonicaBLee It is for us blokes love! still this is not a Post about his depression it is regarding his Football ability ... Maybe read the thread .. Happy Thursday to you! Keep smiling and most of all #BeKind #MUFC,1,natalie craigf 99 monicablee u bloke love still post depression regarding football ability maybe read thread happy thursday keep smiling bekind mufc -"@_OsasuE If shaggi is funny to you, your depression is serious",1,osasue shaggi funny depression serious -Let The Depression Stage Kick In Now So It Can Be Over Soon 🥺💔,1,let depression stage kick soon -"Ou encor mieux: “fais-le si/qd c’est possible”! (Pensées à ttes les pers. de mon entourage +ou-proche &+largemt à ttes les pers. qui comprennent ps les concepts de douleurs/fatigues handic. et/ou de dépression, à ttes les pers. qui pensent q la motiva° est le remède miracle à tt.",1,ou encor mieux fais le si qd c est possible pen e ttes le pers de mon entourage ou proche amp largemt ttes le pers qui comprennent p le concept de douleurs fatigue handic et ou de pression ttes le pers qui pensent q la motiva est le rem de miracle tt -back in those skin crawling boredom bouts that just result into depression bc like. nothing is worth it anymore. cheerz,1,back skin crawling boredom bout result depression bc like nothing worth anymore cheerz -no way my depression song is playing Durning a nice ass chapter tf https://t.co/heKCoHnfbg,1,way depression song playing durning nice as chapter tf http co hekcohnfbg -"@MaSithoko_Dlomo @mizzzidc You and that depression should be buried inside a casket since you’ll want to pin everything on depression now, no accountability",1,masithoko dlomo mizzzidc depression buried inside casket since want pin everything depression accountability -@patti_wambold @JeffGordonWeb Am glad that you got it I have not been on much at all am struggling big time with my depression it sucks got alot of issues I am dealing with right now,1,patti wambold jeffgordonweb glad got much struggling big time depression suck got alot issue dealing right -@LennartSpion - finally overall mental state matters a lot. when i was at the worst of my depression (writing my phd thesis) it just made me sleepy no matter what. works way better now im in a stable job with manageable projects,1,lennartspion finally overall mental state matter lot worst depression writing phd thesis made sleepy matter work way better im stable job manageable project -Seasonal depression sucks.,1,seasonal depression suck -ตีเมกาแตก จริงๆคือ the great depression ค่ะ อิเด็กอ่อน เกิดไม่ทันอะดิ ใช่ค่ะ กุก็เกิดไม่ทัน คนไทยมโนเองเออเองว่าศิลปินเกาหลีตีเมกา ตีโลกแตก มึงเป็นคนที่นู่นเหรอ,1,great depression - https://t.co/5vb0eGKkJ6 Best way to cure depression naturally. Just wake up early. #depression #BeAlive #Anxiety #Focus #brain #bestadvice #youtubevideo,1,http co vb0egkkj best way cure depression naturally wake early depression bealive anxiety focus brain bestadvice youtubevideo -"@BarakaSaimon3 What a toxic mom, you can't just snatch my stuff like you don't care, ima grow ass now mom, like what the fck were you thinking?.. Seriously? Am done living in this house, am done doneee Look what you have gotten me into, am depressed..😢😢 Depression ya nyokoo..🤣🤣🤣",1,barakasaimon toxic mom snatch stuff like care ima grow as mom like fck thinking seriously done living house done doneee look gotten depressed depression ya nyokoo -@KupaVet_ Depression. Mental illness ain't child's play,1,kupavet depression mental illness child play -@RishiSunak The only think you’re tackling is a tomahawk steak and a glass of wine while the rest of the country starve and dehydrate. You sit there laughing it up while depression continues to rise,1,rishisunak think tackling tomahawk steak glass wine rest country starve dehydrate sit laughing depression continues rise -"@soenfu_ HTTP/1.1 200 OK Date: Thu, 24 Mar 2022 17:54:30 GMT Server: Apache/1.3.22 (Unix) (Red-Hat/Linux) Last-Modified: Thu, 24 Mar 2022 14:42:13 GMT Content-Type: text/plain motivation: -Inf, depression: Inf, creativity: 0, cookingAbility: 10, isAlive: true, focusingOn: ""Twitter""",1,soenfu http 00 ok date thu mar 0 0 gmt server apache unix red hat linux last modified thu mar 0 gmt content type text plain motivation inf depression inf creativity 0 cookingability 0 isalive true focusingon twitter -lol I saw mental health in the chat and I'm seeing depression now. You lots sure love fancy dsm-4 diagnosis,1,lol saw mental health chat seeing depression lot sure love fancy dsm diagnosis -"@ArtistOfCalcio @amyisunited All of them will be I imagine! I mean, I have sympathy for him having depression but his performances haven’t been good enough over the last 5 years & he was quite happy to let Raiola disrupt things every 6 months?",1,artistofcalcio amyisunited imagine mean sympathy depression performance good enough last year amp quite happy let raiola disrupt thing every month -"3/ this has to change drastically and quickly so I can still breathe. Fuck depression, fuck fears. I stand by you, the community. IT’S TIME TO DANCE https://t.co/40YonGk6cf",1,change drastically quickly still breathe fuck depression fuck fear stand community time dance http co 0yongk cf -"Paul Pogba s'est confié à @Sport24Team sur sa dépression à Manchester United ⚽️ : ""On est jugé tous les trois jours, on doit être bon tout le temps, alors qu'on a des soucis comme tout le monde, que ce soit avec nos partenaires, notre coach, dans la vie de tous les jours"" https://t.co/y75QbcRfkY",1,paul pogba est confi sport team sur sa pression manchester united est jug tous le trois jours doit tre bon tout le temp alors qu de soucis comme tout le monde que ce soit avec no partenaires notre coach dans la vie de tous le jours http co qbcrfky -I think my depression hit me for the third time...,1,think depression hit third time -@Gulshan_72 @HinaAltaf78 Cylinder ka rate badhane se depression se kaise bahar aate hain doctor saheb? Koi sir pair hai teri baat ka?,1,gulshan hinaaltaf cylinder ka rate badhane se depression se kaise bahar aate hain doctor saheb koi sir pair hai teri baat ka -@chrissyxchi Sorry that comes across as if depression isn't real if it's not at that point. Everyone is different and depression takes many forms and affects us differently. Look after yourselves.,1,chrissyxchi sorry come across depression real point everyone different depression take many form affect u differently look -"@drewl55 @RishiSunak @BorisJohnson The great depression in the 1930s is going to look like Utopia compared to what is coming to every household, not if you are a wealthy chap like Rishi.",1,drewl rishisunak borisjohnson great depression 9 0 going look like utopia compared coming every household wealthy chap like rishi -"We're Here To Help! We are online therapy platform, which essentially connects certified psychologists and people suffering from mental health issues such as depression, stress and anxiety, among dozens of other clinically defined disorders. Book your appointment now: ... https://t.co/3pWwUVwS5j",1,help online therapy platform essentially connects certified psychologist people suffering mental health issue depression stress anxiety among dozen clinically defined disorder book appointment http co pwwuvws j -"‘Adolescent Sleep: Stereotypes & Misunderstandings’ with @garwboy. Learn more about the #comorbidity with #sleep problems, #anxiety, & #depression, plus whether the relationship between #sleep problems & #psychopathology is bidirectional. Full podcast: https://t.co/241s5jSO8F https://t.co/3lk7SSI8DC",1,adolescent sleep stereotype amp misunderstanding garwboy learn comorbidity sleep problem anxiety amp depression plus whether relationship sleep problem amp psychopathology bidirectional full podcast http co jso f http co lk ssi dc -Hold tight! It's nearly the weekend. Here's Roger Inferno attending a seminar to deal with his negative thoughts like a totally normal person. #depressed #superhero #webcomic #MentalHealthMatters #depression #Superheroes #webcomics #comics #PositiveVibesOnly #ItsOkayToNotBeOkay https://t.co/erpvMV7L5N,1,hold tight nearly weekend roger inferno attending seminar deal negative thought like totally normal person depressed superhero webcomic mentalhealthmatters depression superheroes webcomics comic positivevibesonly itsokaytonotbeokay http co erpvmv l n -@stats_feed There is Russia? All my frends in depression.,1,stats feed russia frends depression -depression kicken mich ins bett,1,depression kicken mich in bett -@Thogden Ever heard of a club known as Notts County? Depression seems to never end.,1,thogden ever heard club known notts county depression seems never end -"Photogenic fury and suicides become the news's stipend, while photogenic depression and sadness are wank material for songs.",1,photogenic fury suicide become news stipend photogenic depression sadness wank material song -Mayorkun and Poco snap fit cure depression,1,mayorkun poco snap fit cure depression -"We're Here To Help! We are online therapy platform, which essentially connects certified psychologists and people suffering from mental health issues such as depression, stress and anxiety, among dozens of other clinically defined disorders. Book your appointment now: ... https://t.co/3PZ6vUrVh0",1,help online therapy platform essentially connects certified psychologist people suffering mental health issue depression stress anxiety among dozen clinically defined disorder book appointment http co pz vurvh0 -"Finally got my meds so hopefully I climb out of the depression slump, still a bit rough for now though so I’ll take this photo as a future benchmark. https://t.co/2ytL3XwEdd",1,finally got med hopefully climb depression slump still bit rough though take photo future benchmark http co ytl xwedd -"@candy_says__ Thats really great to hear. I’ve always loved cooking. Cooking is so good for your emotional wellbeing that and some therapists are now recommending cooking classes as a way to treat depression and anxiety, as well as eating disorders, ADHD and addiction. 👍",1,candy say thats really great hear always loved cooking cooking good emotional wellbeing therapist recommending cooking class way treat depression anxiety well eating disorder adhd addiction -@mizzzidc move the fuck out of yr mothers house .....she cant be getting disrespected in her own house bcoz of a pair sneakers. Dont play the depression card ....u are gng to be really depressed wen she kicks u out,1,mizzzidc move fuck yr mother house cant getting disrespected house bcoz pair sneaker dont play depression card u gng really depressed wen kick u -We play the game of love to avoid depression.,1,play game love avoid depression -the after effect of this drama is a whole new level of depression. how am i supposed to live my life after knowing all the things happened to her omg whyyyy whyyyyyyy 😭😭😭,1,effect drama whole new level depression supposed live life knowing thing happened omg whyyyy whyyyyyyy -i fear i may go into a depression pit i miss my friends,1,fear may go depression pit miss friend -"Stanning him has added joy to my life, he's not a tool to fantasize in your arms, he's not a play thing to go crazy over, he's an artist, you like him because his art is adding a new flavor to your time. His songs mean something to me My depression was understood and respected in",1,stanning added joy life tool fantasize arm play thing go crazy artist like art adding new flavor time song mean something depression understood respected -"@chrissyxchi Real depression is when wow no longer sustains you, and your usual off wow games also hold no joy.",1,chrissyxchi real depression wow longer sustains usual wow game also hold joy -Depression hitting real good today 👍,1,depression hitting real good today -@thestrangersay 2 mahinay bad jakay facial paralysis theek hoye or depression ka to na poch(jahilyah days),1,thestrangersay mahinay bad jakay facial paralysis theek hoye depression ka na poch jahilyah day -"Participants needed for online survey! Topic: ""Investigating the effect of attachment on different dimensions"" https://t.co/8e1uZEUQuH via @SurveyCircle #LoveLanguages #attachment #depression #mindfulness #psychology #survey #surveycircle https://t.co/fVfH3u95ff",1,participant needed online survey topic investigating effect attachment different dimension http co e uzeuquh via surveycircle lovelanguages attachment depression mindfulness psychology survey surveycircle http co fvfh u9 ff -can batman with prep time cure my depression,1,batman prep time cure depression -"Nah fuck your depression at this point, you can't talk to your mother like this and post it on social media..",1,nah fuck depression point talk mother like post social medium -"'Don’t go on social media is the simple solution. It is all a waste of time, adds to feelings of inadequacy, can lead to depression and creates a split personality of how you want to be seen and who you really are. It has made everyone a narcissist.' https://t.co/T6mYb6JyKc",1,go social medium simple solution waste time add feeling inadequacy lead depression creates split personality want seen really made everyone narcissist http co myb jykc -@Jimbob210712 @CraigF1998 @MonicaBLee What has this gota do with depression...... Life is not all about football,1,jimbob 0 craigf 99 monicablee gota depression life football -"Manchester United midfielder Paul Pogba has revealed that he has ""experienced depression"" during his time at Old Trafford. Pogba is currently nearing the end of his sixth campaign at United, and it is expected to be his last as he contemplates https://t.co/tqY3jCdeqJ https://t.co/vPLLqRu3tQ",1,manchester united midfielder paul pogba revealed experienced depression time old trafford pogba currently nearing end sixth campaign united expected last contemplates http co tqy jcdeqj http co vpllqru tq -"@RHT075 @BFMTV En France , d'après vous, quelqu'un qui ne peut exercer de métier par problème mental,en pleine dépression, admettons, doit donc mourir de faim... C'est bien ce que vous sous entendez ??? Du coup ?",1,rht0 bfmtv en france apr vous quelqu un qui ne peut exercer de tier par probl mental en pleine pression admettons doit donc mourir de faim c est bien ce que vous sou entendez du coup -@stats_feed What an irony. #Finland is the happiest country in the world and it still falls under top 10 countries with highest rate of depression. #irony @aparanjape @chetan_bhagat @anandmahindra @hvgoenka @sardesairajdeep,1,stats feed irony finland happiest country world still fall top 0 country highest rate depression irony aparanjape chetan bhagat anandmahindra hvgoenka sardesairajdeep -"@martingommel (Double-Depression im Sinne einer Dysthymie) ist allerdings noch immer ein großes Problem und dagegen hilft kaum etwas. Ich wünsche dir von Herzen, dass du etwas findest, das dir hilft und dass es dir dadurch besser geht ❤️",1,martingommel double depression im sinne einer dysthymie ist allerdings noch immer ein gro e problem und dagegen hilft kaum etwas ich w nsche dir von herzen das du etwas findest da dir hilft und das e dir dadurch besser geht -@OgbeniDipo And some people on that tweet saw nothing wrong with what she did and even applauded her for doing it. And saying it's not insult. She didn't think of the depression her mom wld go thru seeing she is being dragged on social media cos of sneakers. Its finish indeed.,1,ogbenidipo people tweet saw nothing wrong even applauded saying insult think depression mom wld go thru seeing dragged social medium co sneaker finish indeed -"@MaamMalice Everyone’s seasonal depression is gone after a few days of sun, and we are all now touching ourselves with excitement.",1,maammalice everyone seasonal depression gone day sun touching excitement -just remembered that doctors have told me I have depression & that makes a lot of sense seeing how I took Monday off saying I was sick but just could not for the life of me bring myself 2g2 work & I'm literally writing an email at 4am saying im not coming the rest of the week...,1,remembered doctor told depression amp make lot sense seeing took monday saying sick could life bring g work amp literally writing email saying im coming rest week -Therapy day again … #depression #mentalhealth #MentalHealthAwareness #momentum https://t.co/2TeqvxekG1,1,therapy day depression mentalhealth mentalhealthawareness momentum http co teqvxekg -@Godspeed532 @mide_gianee_ @vhic_tore Heard he fall into depression after acting G.O.T,1,godspeed mide gianee vhic tore heard fall depression acting g -Paul Pogba reveals he’s battled depression since split with Jose Mourinho at Manchester United https://t.co/GA3sT9NRDZ,1,paul pogba reveals battled depression since split jose mourinho manchester united http co ga st9nrdz -Desi people will not believe in depression but still says dil kharab ho rha hai!,1,desi people believe depression still say dil kharab ho rha hai -"There is very little that people will not excuse as long as you mention depression as a primary motivator. The Depression ""free pass"" is extensive",1,little people excuse long mention depression primary motivator depression free pas extensive -"@jesssicrap Not sure why a report of pain elicits such a high level of disbelief. Does this also occur when patients report shortness of breath, nausea, depression, fatigue, anxiety, vertigo and many other symptoms that are difficult to quantify. Why is pain so different?",1,jesssicrap sure report pain elicits high level disbelief also occur patient report shortness breath nausea depression fatigue anxiety vertigo many symptom difficult quantify pain different -"@LounisDell @stats_feed I don’t think a country’s depression rate depends on world events, people have their own personal problems too",1,lounisdell stats feed think country depression rate depends world event people personal problem -rending on Kindle: RV Oopsies Think Yourself into Becoming a Language Learning Super Star Living Well with Chronic Illness Lessons of Labor #RV #depression #chronicillness #languagelearning #parenting #childbirth https://t.co/iKM2ThCIgE,1,rending kindle rv oopsies think becoming language learning super star living well chronic illness lesson labor rv depression chronicillness languagelearning parenting childbirth http co ikm thcige -"@martingommel Fühle so mit dir. Beim einschlafen immer Flashbacks, nachts manchmal Panikattacken und beim aufwachen wieder nen Flashback. Was mir geholfen hat war eine Psychotherapie mit Traumatherapie-Inhalten. Dadurch ist es zumindest am Tag besser geworden. Die chronische Depression",1,martingommel f hle mit dir beim einschlafen immer flashback nachts manchmal panikattacken und beim aufwachen wieder nen flashback mir geholfen hat war eine psychotherapie mit traumatherapie inhalten dadurch ist e zumindest tag besser geworden die chronische depression -"@FallMaiden why it's such a big offence? Because constantly people tell me I should be ashamed for liking the show. That it's trash, that it's for children, that I should die just for liking it. That show brought me through the worst time of my depression and made me smile when I-",1,fallmaiden big offence constantly people tell ashamed liking show trash child die liking show brought worst time depression made smile -Let me get this straight. So your mom wearing your sneakers will spiral you back to depression?? Wawu,1,let get straight mom wearing sneaker spiral back depression wawu -@mizzzidc The way people throw the words depression and mental health at every slight provocation these days is just alarming,1,mizzzidc way people throw word depression mental health every slight provocation day alarming -@Anirudh_Noob Simp for depression?😂,1,anirudh noob simp depression -"On the last episode of Top Boy, depression is real",1,last episode top boy depression real -@FaroukSerf @David97Gonda Depression,1,faroukserf david9 gonda depression -@LittleRuen il vas partir en dépression la,1,littleruen il va partir en pression la -I just got my car back last week and it’s fucked up again 😂😂😂😂 the depression is FRESH,1,got car back last week fucked depression fresh -"Kapag nakakapanood ako ng videos about mental health, depression, etc., nattrigger pa rin ako. Naaalala ko yung mga pinagdaanan ko. But still kahit yun yung mga darkest moments ng buhay ko — grateful pa rin ako na pinagdaanan ko ‘yon.",1,kapag nakakapanood ako ng video mental health depression etc nattrigger pa rin ako naaalala ko yung mga pinagdaanan ko still kahit yun yung mga darkest moment ng buhay ko grateful pa rin ako na pinagdaanan ko yon -@realmissdike Actually don jazzy had a “god like” influence on the music industry at that time sha . Plus it was a legal tussle to add to it so there was No moving for WC . Think depression set in along the way for him too.,1,realmissdike actually jazzy god like influence music industry time sha plus legal tussle add moving wc think depression set along way -@efbwrites @FantasyPeddler My depression.,1,efbwrites fantasypeddler depression -@mellynisaki SAKI HELP I’M BEING POSSESSED BY THIS THING CALLED LONELINESS AND DEPRESSION,1,mellynisaki saki help possessed thing called loneliness depression -"We're Here To Help! We are online therapy platform, which essentially connects certified psychologists and people suffering from mental health issues such as depression, stress and anxiety, among dozens of other clinically defined disorders. Book your appointment now: ... https://t.co/1f8aYLOzNc",1,help online therapy platform essentially connects certified psychologist people suffering mental health issue depression stress anxiety among dozen clinically defined disorder book appointment http co f ayloznc -"We're Here To Help! We are online therapy platform, which essentially connects certified psychologists and people suffering from mental health issues such as depression, stress and anxiety, among dozens of other clinically defined disorders. Book your appointment now: ... https://t.co/v84uLbjPxa",1,help online therapy platform essentially connects certified psychologist people suffering mental health issue depression stress anxiety among dozen clinically defined disorder book appointment http co v ulbjpxa -Get rid of the anxiety depression and severe stress end alcoholism do shrooms 🍄🍄🍄💯✅ https://t.co/Gbpex2gCRV,1,get rid anxiety depression severe stress end alcoholism shrooms http co gbpex gcrv -"Who is the mastermind behind ""depression due to nepotism"" theory and why was this theory encouraged by MuPo even when no suic1de note was found from the crime scene? @ips_nupurprasad @DrJitendraSingh @DoPTGoI @PMOIndia @HMOIndia @IPS_Association SSR SOCIAL MEDIA COMPROMISED",1,mastermind behind depression due nepotism theory theory encouraged mupo even suic de note found crime scene ip nupurprasad drjitendrasingh doptgoi pmoindia hmoindia ip association ssr social medium compromised -"...need for daily alcohol dosages in order to do so. This atrocious but free mental health clinic makes it a little difficult, but it's still a hell of a lot better than nothing. It's not just a lack of meds though. I've heard quite a few people say that depression comes from...",1,need daily alcohol dosage order atrocious free mental health clinic make little difficult still hell lot better nothing lack med though heard quite people say depression come -"IJERPH, Vol. 19, Pages 3856: Retraction: Lee et al. Nurses&rsquo; Attitudes Toward Psychiatric Help for Depression: The Serial Mediation Effect of Self-Stigma and Depression on Public Stigma and Attitudes Toward Psychiatric Help. Int. J. Environ. ... https://t.co/KAIhyuJyjl",1,ijerph vol 9 page retraction lee et al nurse amp rsquo attitude toward psychiatric help depression serial mediation effect self stigma depression public stigma attitude toward psychiatric help int j environ http co kaihyujyjl -Quelle est la raison de votre dépression et pourquoi les etudes ?,1,quelle est la raison de votre pression et pourquoi le etude -tout les compte rp idolish7 qui arrive ca soigne ma dépression,1,tout le compte rp idolish qui arrive ca soigne pression -Ketamine May Relieve Depression By Repairing Damaged Brain Circuits - TMS & Brain Health https://t.co/IJa0NRVF92 #cognitivefitness #aging,1,ketamine may relieve depression repairing damaged brain circuit tm amp brain health http co ija0nrvf9 cognitivefitness aging -"Le plus dangereux au lycée, c'est pas la dépression ou le suicide, mais c'est clairement se faire sucer dans les couloirs",1,le plus dangereux au lyc e c est pa la pression ou le suicide mais c est clairement se faire sucer dans le couloirs -"@Chris89858830 That’s very true,I think so many people are suffering from anxiety and depression right now we need to just listen to what they have to say listen to what’s going on in there lives right now 💙💙💙",1,chris 9 0 true think many people suffering anxiety depression right need listen say listen going life right -"@solanaplays 15k sol 😬😬 that's crazy, I went on depression for 2 months for 82 sol 😆",1,solanaplays k sol crazy went depression month sol -Well I got diagnosed with depression. Guess 2022 won't be my year either 🙃,1,well got diagnosed depression guess 0 year either -@Zainab12091937 I believe she lost her battle to depression.,1,zainab 09 9 believe lost battle depression -"@Bounce_BackLoan Anyone in this group got a BBL with Lloyds? My poor friend has. Businesses collapsed. Now assessed as unfit for work,stress & depression. Lloyds haven’t even contacted him about his missed repayments. Sent Moorecroft debt collectors straight in! 😡😡🤔🤔😡😡",1,bounce backloan anyone group got bbl lloyd poor friend business collapsed assessed unfit work stress amp depression lloyd even contacted missed repayment sent moorecroft debt collector straight -"Man Do Crime Society, Women's = He is a Criminal, He is a Monster 💀 Bla Bla Bla... Women Do Crime from Decades Society, Women's itself = It's Depression, it's Self Defence🥱 Women would defend anything done by their fellow sisters. https://t.co/mK5J4C8jSh https://t.co/zjBnBoWzjN",1,man crime society woman criminal monster bla bla bla woman crime decade society woman depression self defence woman would defend anything done fellow sister http co mk j c jsh http co zjbnbowzjn -"Really, I need to work on my confidence and just... DOING stuff, but with how low my self esteem has been it's just been getting harder and harder to do anything. I went on a rant in my WoW Discord about it; that and how much my depression seems to have come back.",1,really need work confidence stuff low self esteem getting harder harder anything went rant wow discord much depression seems come back -Depression and anxiety is a bitch I envy those people who don’t have it .,1,depression anxiety bitch envy people -"conflict in the very north part of the world results in economic depression at the #EastofAfrica many days away. Politics will still play, super opportunist promises are in the way of this fiesta. the ongoing conflict serving as an additive to PROMOTE political ambition.",1,conflict north part world result economic depression eastofafrica many day away politics still play super opportunist promise way fiesta ongoing conflict serving additive promote political ambition -"@mizzzidc Is this reaction and depression talk because your mom wore your Nike shoe? No ! There must be more to this, this generation has been taught nonsense. Do you know how many times your parents denied themselves of pleasures and even necessities just to train you? Pls, seek help.",1,mizzzidc reaction depression talk mom wore nike shoe must generation taught nonsense know many time parent denied pleasure even necessity train pls seek help -the great depression,1,great depression -Ase depression ke go nna ka motseng wa batswadi 🥺💔,1,ase depression ke go nna ka motseng wa batswadi -"@ADHD_Alien I truly despise that notion for exactly that reason. I don't believe it bears any truth. Of course someone else can love you when you don't love yourself. I have so much love for people close to me, regardless of their depression and self-loathing, and vice versa.",1,adhd alien truly despise notion exactly reason believe bear truth course someone else love love much love people close regardless depression self loathing vice versa -"We're Here To Help! We are online therapy platform, which essentially connects certified psychologists and people suffering from mental health issues such as depression, stress and anxiety, among dozens of other clinically defined disorders. Book your appointment now: ... https://t.co/XCjz57HQuJ",1,help online therapy platform essentially connects certified psychologist people suffering mental health issue depression stress anxiety among dozen clinically defined disorder book appointment http co xcjz hquj -"@ProfLAppleby My person diagnosis depression,been told nothing more CMHT can do....",1,proflappleby person diagnosis depression told nothing cmht -@leitora988 How depression looks like,1,leitora9 depression look like -"Just realised that Urdu word for depression is “dil-shakistagi” (دل شکستگی), the defeat of heart ; the feeling that whatever wars you were fighting for sanity are lost, your walls are broken and now you need a rescue. Whoever coined it really knew what it felt like :’)",1,realised urdu word depression dil shakistagi defeat heart feeling whatever war fighting sanity lost wall broken need rescue whoever coined really knew felt like -"@Aahmddr @Gradyymk je me bas encore contre ma dépression, évidemment y’a pas que la pillule qui rentre en jeu mais c’est le facteur déclencheur",1,aahmddr gradyymk je ba encore contre pression videmment pa que la pillule qui rentre en jeu mais c est le facteur clencheur -"depression is feeling somewhat okay throughout the day when you’re around other people or out in public but the minute you’re on your own and there’s no one else around, it feels like some dark shadow is just looming over you and weighing down on your shoulders",1,depression feeling somewhat okay throughout day around people public minute one else around feel like dark shadow looming weighing shoulder -"We're Here To Help! We are online therapy platform, which essentially connects certified psychologists and people suffering from mental health issues such as depression, stress and anxiety, among dozens of other clinically defined disorders. Book your appointment now: ... https://t.co/NsBy5JEyIb",1,help online therapy platform essentially connects certified psychologist people suffering mental health issue depression stress anxiety among dozen clinically defined disorder book appointment http co nsby jeyib -Some of us are still living in denial about the state of the country. That’s the only way we get by day by day without falling into depression or anxiety,1,u still living denial state country way get day day without falling depression anxiety -"i have another meeting with my counsellor tomorrow and imma probably get those results on the depression, anxiety and social anxiety test? questionairres? i did so we'll see how that goes lol",1,another meeting counsellor tomorrow imma probably get result depression anxiety social anxiety test questionairres see go lol -I wonder what misery awaits me in the MSQ today. But that will have to wait until later. I refuse to start off my morning with depression and a side of despair. Gold Saucer shenanigans and such before starting work. https://t.co/MmfVOgcfIu,1,wonder misery awaits msq today wait later refuse start morning depression side despair gold saucer shenanigan starting work http co mmfvogcfiu -"@Aahmddr @Gradyymk Perso c’est ce que j’ai fais, ils m’ont meme pas un IRM, apres 2 examen ils ont déclaré que j’avais rien, j’ai donc été contrainte de prendre une pillule qui m’a fait tomber en dépression, et 2 ans après avoir changé de pillule pour une plus soft avec un cycle de 7j",1,aahmddr gradyymk perso c est ce que j ai fais il ont meme pa un irm apres examen il ont clar que j avais rien j ai donc contrainte de prendre une pillule qui fait tomber en pression et an apr avoir chang de pillule pour une plus soft avec un cycle de j -"1930’s .. Boxing in the 1930’s was affected by one of the biggest economic struggles in the history of the United States: The depression era. Because of the suffering American economy, many boxers were offered lower amounts of money causing them to only box for passion. https://t.co/76Id32Y51O",1,9 0 boxing 9 0 affected one biggest economic struggle history united state depression era suffering american economy many boxer offered lower amount money causing box passion http co id -Mfs out here fighting depression!,1,mf fighting depression -Moderate depression🤧,1,moderate depression -"@mizzzidc You are depressed over a shoe? You spoke rudely to your Mom and then posted it on the internet? I mean, over a f*** shoe? And you want to heal from depression? Dear child, YOU ARE BADLY BEHAVED. I hope you are healing from the depression now?",1,mizzzidc depressed shoe spoke rudely mom posted internet mean f shoe want heal depression dear child badly behaved hope healing depression -Two NFTs worth $30k now worth $600; I’m slowing sliding into depression,1,two nfts worth 0k worth 00 slowing sliding depression -@penelopek__ That mini depression that hits you a week before your periods? Woman go thru alot pls.,1,penelopek mini depression hit week period woman go thru alot pls -"Pour certain Jimenez est mort des suites d'une dépression, Pantani d'un oedème pulmonaire et Simpson d'une insolation. Tout ressemblance avec des évènements récents etc etc ...",1,pour certain jimenez est mort de suite une pression pantani un oed pulmonaire et simpson une insolation tout ressemblance avec de v nements r cent etc etc -"Post partum depression isn't preached well enough,most new moms are not always happy they had the baby.",1,post partum depression preached well enough new mom always happy baby -good morning i have crippling depression https://t.co/wPeDW13lez,1,good morning crippling depression http co wpedw lez -"Man Do Crime Society, Women's = He is a Criminal, He is a Monster 💀 Bla Bla Bla... Women Do Crime from Decades Society, Women's itself = It's Depression, it's Self Defence🥱 #Hypocrisy https://t.co/eVFFpLQ0UG https://t.co/0gXfpNbrSX",1,man crime society woman criminal monster bla bla bla woman crime decade society woman depression self defence hypocrisy http co evffplq0ug http co 0gxfpnbrsx -"another day, another depression nap",1,another day another depression nap -"@MedicCasts The alternative is suicide, which is the most selfish and coward move there is. People who consider that has no sympathy from me. Fighting depression, now that's something to be proud of.",1,mediccasts alternative suicide selfish coward move people consider sympathy fighting depression something proud -@JoynerLucas @machinegunkelly Nice toxic masculinity good to know your music about issues like suicide and depression were just fake shit for clicks. If you had real mental health issues you wouldn't be perpetuating homophobia and toxic masculinity. Every cent you've earned was through coopting other's pain,1,joynerlucas machinegunkelly nice toxic masculinity good know music issue like suicide depression fake shit click real mental health issue perpetuating homophobia toxic masculinity every cent earned coopting pain -"Bipolar II disorder Bipolar II disorder involves periods of hypomania, but depression is often the dominant state. For a diagnosis of bipolar II disorder, a person must have had: one or more episodes of depression at least one hypomanic episode no other diagnosis",1,bipolar ii disorder bipolar ii disorder involves period hypomania depression often dominant state diagnosis bipolar ii disorder person must one episode depression least one hypomanic episode diagnosis -"- There's a possibility that for most people, what's effective is the ""placebo effect"" of taking a medicine. - Therapy can be as effective to treat depression, but most people don't like it because it takes longer and costs more money.",1,possibility people effective placebo effect taking medicine therapy effective treat depression people like take longer cost money -"- The article is saying that the ""chemical imbalance"" is just a hypothesis and the real cause of depression is unknown. - Antidepressants are perceived as effective on managing depression, but once you take them, you won't be able to function without them.",1,article saying chemical imbalance hypothesis real cause depression unknown antidepressant perceived effective managing depression take able function without -"TLDR: - We've been told that depression is caused by ""chemical imbalance"" in the brain. But is it, really? - Pharma industry produces drugs to ""fix"" the ""chemical balance"". The most common antidepressant is called SSRI, which will increase the level of serotonin in the brain.",1,tldr told depression caused chemical imbalance brain really pharma industry produce drug fix chemical balance common antidepressant called ssri increase level serotonin brain -"They say there are five stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Well, I’d like to add one more. Revenge.",1,say five stage grief denial anger bargaining depression acceptance well like add one revenge -"Now when you say depression are you referring to a map, commerce, or mental health? Cuz I know….nvmd. 😌",1,say depression referring map commerce mental health cuz know nvmd -@pmarca @tszzl How does this gel with rising loneliness and depression though? Social media usage is in fact associated with these things https://t.co/Z97FMrOK8w https://t.co/Hc8mF3GQMq,1,pmarca tszzl gel rising loneliness depression though social medium usage fact associated thing http co z9 fmrok w http co hc mf gqmq -"2⃣7⃣Mental confusion from physical or psychological pain, the influence of chemicals or diseases. Physical and mental pain may cause fear, anger and stress. Chemical changes magnify the pain and can cause depression.",1,mental confusion physical psychological pain influence chemical disease physical mental pain may cause fear anger stress chemical change magnify pain cause depression -"i really don't wanna self-diagnose, i mean i don't think i am pero i really wanna get checked by a doctor for depression and anxiety bc everything i'm experiencing are pointing to those two. idk i just, i'm so scared of ppl telling me how i should feel or invalidating my emotions",1,really wan na self diagnose mean think pero really wan na get checked doctor depression anxiety bc everything experiencing pointing two idk scared ppl telling feel invalidating emotion -@femibello1 You think Mourinho wasn't depressed with Pogba's poor form and later sack and won't he be depressed by his name being linked to Pogba by being the cause of his depression. It seems Mourinho has no mental health.,1,femibello think mourinho depressed pogba poor form later sack depressed name linked pogba cause depression seems mourinho mental health -An idiot speaks anyhow to her biological mother and thinks that's not enough but must come online to rubbish the one that gave her suck. Your depression is still loading... Oshisko.,1,idiot speaks anyhow biological mother think enough must come online rubbish one gave suck depression still loading oshisko -Shrooms get rid of every form of severe stress pains anxiety and depression 🍄🍄 hit my dm for all orders and related info ✅✅ https://t.co/IZbxLcdwwI,1,shrooms get rid every form severe stress pain anxiety depression hit dm order related info http co izbxlcdwwi -University drains a lot of energy in students damn... the level of depression there could make a lot lose weight.,1,university drain lot energy student damn level depression could make lot lose weight -i’m pretty sure the gym is curing my depression bc i’ve been a funny mf lately 😏,1,pretty sure gym curing depression bc funny mf lately -depression + stress😭,1,depression stress -Going to clean my depression room so i can change the desk and the bookshelf https://t.co/7dY0JJ7sLJ,1,going clean depression room change desk bookshelf http co dy0jj slj -"Inamupwa ndati, how do I get out of my depression and go live my life? Agh",1,inamupwa ndati get depression go live life agh -Funny for Paul Pogba to blame his depression or whatever on Mourinho… Funny bcos Pogba feels his fall out with Mourinho is the most traumatizing experience he has ever had 😁😁😁 Not being benched and winning absolutely nothing under Olè 😁😁😁😁 #Joker,1,funny paul pogba blame depression whatever mourinho funny bcos pogba feel fall mourinho traumatizing experience ever benched winning absolutely nothing ol joker -@thakre_aarya @WD91852749 @stats_feed Explain to me then why white people feel more depression? Like give me an article that scientifically explains it.,1,thakre aarya wd9 9 stats feed explain white people feel depression like give article scientifically explains -"@PikuProgram It's still jojo, the depression hit me again like a truck",1,pikuprogram still jojo depression hit like truck -"@mizzzidc If a pair of shoes will put you in a depression, issues are deeper. Please understand you are so blessed to have ur mum. Don't ever lose an opportunity to appreciate her. Whatever your issues, try to speak to her with respect and kindness. She deserves that from you please.",1,mizzzidc pair shoe put depression issue deeper please understand blessed ur mum ever lose opportunity appreciate whatever issue try speak respect kindness deserves please -"ADHD, Autism, and Depression are a real nasty combo",1,adhd autism depression real nasty combo -depression’s killing me rn.,1,depression killing rn -"Cancel culture has a greater chance of killing me through anxiety, depression, misery and bigotry, than the career any tedious comedian, left, right or centre, who is upset that someone objected to their gag.",1,cancel culture greater chance killing anxiety depression misery bigotry career tedious comedian left right centre upset someone objected gag -You know I may sometimes get my ass kicked by my depression but overall my depression is struggling with me rather than the other way around these days and I consider that an achievement.,1,know may sometimes get as kicked depression overall depression struggling rather way around day consider achievement -All time ? Henry ? Kb9 ? Platini ? Zidane ? Kopa ? juste ces 5 noms le mette en dépression,1,time henry kb9 platini zidane kopa juste ce noms le mette en pression -"Life ,the rest are society pressures and those are partially playing a big role in causing depression hence the losing lives of many men.. Those things actually depress",1,life rest society pressure partially playing big role causing depression hence losing life many men thing actually depress -"This is just a bad pain day, but it's really hard not to sink into a deep depression again over how these days are just... going to be part of my life for the foreseeable future, because there's no cure for POTS and the treatment is mainly 'eat more salty food'.",1,bad pain day really hard sink deep depression day going part life foreseeable future cure pot treatment mainly eat salty food -"@DenisMcmichael @thakre_aarya @stats_feed And that those countries also, know and can freely express depression, and are informed of what it is.",1,denismcmichael thakre aarya stats feed country also know freely express depression informed -@Wizarab10 Aunty said this would spiral her back into depression... I just can't abeg.. sneakers???,1,wizarab 0 aunty said would spiral back depression abeg sneaker -"amidst the conflict among Ukraine and Russia, in a contention and testing climate, when there was a ton of disturbance, doubt, disarray and depression in the securities exchange #SubscribeRuchiSoyaFPO",1,amidst conflict among ukraine russia contention testing climate ton disturbance doubt disarray depression security exchange subscriberuchisoyafpo -@amiriissaa @brytonzablon @MChelsea1221 Hawajui kuna vitu kama depression,1,amiriissaa brytonzablon mchelsea hawajui kuna vitu kama depression -"This randomized study gave cannabis medical cards to people who sought help for insomnia, pain, anxiety or depression. The intervention was related to subjective improvements of insomnia and mental well-being, but also to a higher incidence of cannabis problems. https://t.co/ZvKcZSXMjx",1,randomized study gave cannabis medical card people sought help insomnia pain anxiety depression intervention related subjective improvement insomnia mental well also higher incidence cannabis problem http co zvkczsxmjx -@zahidmunir179 Stress + Depression + Anxiety + Garmiii + Parhai =Error❗,1,zahidmunir 9 stress depression anxiety garmiii parhai error -"@OgbeniDipo Iwa were Gba. We see the reason you are deep in ""depression"". You can't speak this way to your parents and expect to be healed of depression. In actual fact, it will sink you deep into depression.",1,ogbenidipo iwa gba see reason deep depression speak way parent expect healed depression actual fact sink deep depression -@OslinaM 😭😭lwala la depression hawu🤣🤣,1,oslinam lwala la depression hawu -"I wish I could find a way to live without these voices in my head, but if I lose my only companions, I would be better off dead. #depression #poetry #poems #Mentalhealth",1,wish could find way live without voice head lose companion would better dead depression poetry poem mentalhealth -How to recover from depression https://t.co/bEVTZ0dJ0a,1,recover depression http co bevtz0dj0a -@CaviarPurple @1_israelite Same here. The depression is really eating me up. Switching off would literally solve everything for me but I'm too chicken to do it atm. https://t.co/VvADmsoxSi,1,caviarpurple israelite depression really eating switching would literally solve everything chicken atm http co vvadmsoxsi -"“Sometimes people become apathetic because of depression or trauma. 13 Other times, people turn to apathy after repeatedly being disenfranchised. –",1,sometimes people become apathetic depression trauma time people turn apathy repeatedly disenfranchised – -"@EFIC_org I had nonspecific lower back & hip pain for a couple of weeks. It was seriously disrupting my sleep and putting me in a bad mood. I stopped leaning over the bathtub to rinse the dishes or pick up the full dish racks, and lo and behold, the pain went away. Musta been depression.😜",1,efic org nonspecific lower back amp hip pain couple week seriously disrupting sleep putting bad mood stopped leaning bathtub rinse dish pick full dish rack lo behold pain went away musta depression -"Through a series of negotiations, & alliances, coupled w/ issue of Filipino products competing w/ U.S. products in the Great Depression, Filipino leaders were able to gather support for the bill authored by Sen. Millard Tydings & Rep. John McDuffie. https://t.co/pt472SmyUQ",1,series negotiation amp alliance coupled w issue filipino product competing w u product great depression filipino leader able gather support bill authored sen millard tydings amp rep john mcduffie http co pt smyuq -@get_inflow I got adhd+anxiety+depression it's a fun time.,1,get inflow got adhd anxiety depression fun time -F*ck Dich! Ich brauch dich heute bestimmt nicht! #Depression,1,f ck dich ich brauch dich heute bestimmt nicht depression -"There’s much depression in Europe and the leading cause can be traced to psychological overload. The peace and prosperity of Europe comes with boredom, something Nigerians will never understand or relate with cuz there’s no loneliness in Nigeria.",1,much depression europe leading cause traced psychological overload peace prosperity europe come boredom something nigerian never understand relate cuz loneliness nigeria -@TotaILM10i Gives me depression,1,totailm 0i give depression -@ibrahimkrts14 @stats_feed Wait is that the same depression as the Original Tweeter is comparing?,1,ibrahimkrts stats feed wait depression original tweeter comparing -Pogba sur son niveau catastrophique c'était Mourinho Quand José est partie il mets ça sur le compte de la dépression mdrrr,1,pogba sur son niveau catastrophique c tait mourinho quand jos est partie il mets sur le compte de la pression mdrrr -"@wawaeilicious Bdk skrg ni memg kurang didikan agama atau memg dah tak ada agama atau ramai bdk melayu bkn Islam? ""Cara lain"" kau tu memg kau boleh decide ke utk matikan diri kau awal? Benda ni trigger kot utk org yg ada depression. Hari2 minta mati tp tau bunuh diri tu dosa. Ada cara tak dosa?",1,wawaeilicious bdk skrg ni memg kurang didikan agama atau memg dah tak ada agama atau ramai bdk melayu bkn islam cara lain kau tu memg kau boleh decide ke utk matikan diri kau awal benda ni trigger kot utk org yg ada depression hari minta mati tp tau bunuh diri tu dosa ada cara tak dosa -"Heartbreaking to see kids taking their lives out of depression, stress & grief. No parent deserves this trauma. Our education system is extremely results driven & the pressure it puts on the kids is unfathomable. But political interference in places of education is just too much.",1,heartbreaking see kid taking life depression stress amp grief parent deserves trauma education system extremely result driven amp pressure put kid unfathomable political interference place education much -Mental Health: Using social anxiety and depression as tools of productivity https://t.co/I6p0XkLncz,1,mental health using social anxiety depression tool productivity http co p0xklncz -"Sleepless nights become more frequent as I slip back into the black hole. Depression, anxiety, stress, pain, anger, sadness, loneliness, hurt, all of it just collides and the you start to spin! Why try and stop it, you always end up back here! Hello my old friend!",1,sleepless night become frequent slip back black hole depression anxiety stress pain anger sadness loneliness hurt collides start spin try stop always end back hello old friend -Man Utd star Paul Pogba opens up on depression battle Paul Pogba has ... https://t.co/8DihwTFgF2 #opens #Pogba https://t.co/BsjaShbYiU,1,man utd star paul pogba open depression battle paul pogba http co dihwtfgf open pogba http co bsjashbyiu -Man Utd star Paul Pogba opens up on depression battle Paul Pogba has ... https://t.co/qJHmDticLl #opens #Pogba https://t.co/5djmRhQlit,1,man utd star paul pogba open depression battle paul pogba http co qjhmdticll open pogba http co djmrhqlit -Looks like the first stage of depression for most people was triggered by mishandling by parents,1,look like first stage depression people triggered mishandling parent -Post concert depression except it’s post hockey game depression https://t.co/xR8V9dBsWF,1,post concert depression except post hockey game depression http co xr v9dbswf -"WHO launches yearlong campaign to fight depression, slogan is: Let’s talk https://t.co/v0NVzBxXzS",1,launch yearlong campaign fight depression slogan let talk http co v0nvzbxxzs -"Depression sucks, especially accompanied by insomnia and chronic pain. #chroniclife",1,depression suck especially accompanied insomnia chronic pain chroniclife -do i play pjsekai to forget the fact i was clinically diagnosed with social anxiety and depression or do i hug miku plush and think about the fact i was clinically diagnosed with social anxiety and depression,1,play pjsekai forget fact clinically diagnosed social anxiety depression hug miku plush think fact clinically diagnosed social anxiety depression -"@mizzzidc Imagine making sacrifices just to raise a child, and said child flip up at you like this because of a sneakers she's gonna get back. An average parent might go into depression",1,mizzzidc imagine making sacrifice raise child said child flip like sneaker gon na get back average parent might go depression -"we're out of the bundus, god complex stage of depression is in obashata😩",1,bundus god complex stage depression obashata -Slipknot be having their music about serial killers suicide death drugs depression hatred and in like yupppp just what I need 🥰🥰🥰,1,slipknot music serial killer suicide death drug depression hatred like yupppp need -@toutelaverit Tu vas avoir une dépression quand elle va parler... Commande des tranxen 1000,1,toutelaverit tu va avoir une pression quand elle va parler commande de tranxen 000 -"@mizzzidc Lmaooo this one is mad and doesn't have anyone to tell her.... The way we form wokeness sef is making everything clownish... Talking about depression, lolz please whatever is disturbing you goes way deeper than the shoe and the vent of a private convo is rather unnecessary SHM",1,mizzzidc lmaooo one mad anyone tell way form wokeness sef making everything clownish talking depression lolz please whatever disturbing go way deeper shoe vent private convo rather unnecessary shm -Too much accumulation of knowledge without execution leads to depression. #growth #Forex #crypto #davido #victony #fireboy,1,much accumulation knowledge without execution lead depression growth forex crypto davido victony fireboy -"@boydifference_ You choose the type you want to listen to. Brymo has different types of songs that goes with different moods in which you are. There are many Brymo songs that lift your spirit, gives you hope and brings you out of depression totally. Brymo is a versatile singer bro.",1,boydifference choose type want listen brymo different type song go different mood many brymo song lift spirit give hope brings depression totally brymo versatile singer bro -@QuakerOatsFemB Nice. Sometimes I also do that. It's a great way to remove the layer of depression.,1,quakeroatsfemb nice sometimes also great way remove layer depression -"Micro dose shroom capsules for Depression, Anxiety and PTSD 🍄✌️ https://t.co/vg6rkQpPt7",1,micro dose shroom capsule depression anxiety ptsd http co vg rkqppt -So I had a depression yesterday n mom saw me crying so hard n she thought I was crying about my studies n worried about my last exam in 2.5 months..... But my heartless ass was crying about a fucking boy 🤣🤦‍♀️,1,depression yesterday n mom saw cry hard n thought cry study n worried last exam month heartless as cry fucking boy -"Liebe Depression, ich will mein Leben zurück! Also verpiss dich endlich! Ich hab kein Bock mehr auf grau in grau mit grau. Ich werde mir jetzt die Farben zurückholen. Ob du das willst oder nicht. Die Welt ist bunt und ich werde das wieder zu sehen lernen. #notjustsad",1,liebe depression ich mein leben zur ck also verpiss dich endlich ich hab kein bock mehr auf grau grau mit grau ich werde mir jetzt die farben zur ckholen ob du da willst oder nicht die welt ist bunt und ich werde da wieder zu sehen lernen notjustsad -Rising out of depression and anxiety is the trickiest trip one can take. #mentalhealth https://t.co/UB9UYCqZuW,1,rising depression anxiety trickiest trip one take mentalhealth http co ub9uycqzuw -#mentalhealth #depression https://t.co/new4yBX19U https://t.co/juf9DkhIKu,1,mentalhealth depression http co new ybx 9u http co juf9dkhiku -Depression causes feelings of sadness and/or a loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed. It can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems and can decrease your ability to function at work and at home...,1,depression cause feeling sadness loss interest activity enjoyed lead variety emotional physical problem decrease ability function work home -"@Unnati_Bagga55 Understanding kills Anxiety! Understanding kills depression! Understanding in detail and get super curious, what is anxiety? What is The Real root cause? How can I change the cause? You're not your mind,you're not your body! You've both of them! So you're superior! Feel it",1,unnati bagga understanding kill anxiety understanding kill depression understanding detail get super curious anxiety real root cause change cause mind body superior feel -@NotYour_Kainat2 Itni utri howi sorat ko kon follow kary phely kam depression hai?? 🙄,1,notyour kainat itni utri howi sorat ko kon follow kary phely kam depression hai -"Depression? Remedy: Little Steps, Big Impact https://t.co/kebtd5oD84 #depression #HumanPsychology #Remedy",1,depression remedy little step big impact http co kebtd od depression humanpsychology remedy -"@mizzzidc The word “depression” is thrown around a lot on this app. Honestly, you could’ve addressed any issues you have with your mom privately. Know what to post and not. Now, we know how you speak to your mom, and how disrespectful you are to her, over a pair of sneakers.",1,mizzzidc word depression thrown around lot app honestly could addressed issue mom privately know post know speak mom disrespectful pair sneaker -"Good morning, dear community ❤️ I’m safe and sound, thank you for checking up on me and supporting me. Depression stage took weeks. I guess I’m moving to acceptance. It’s been a month since the beginning of war. They said we’d fall in 3 days. But we’re still standing 💙💛",1,good morning dear community safe sound thank checking supporting depression stage took week guess moving acceptance month since beginning war said fall day still standing -"@Flowfy02 @kenklot @ManLikeIcey People will just be capping nonesense, she died of depression yen yen the word depression wasn't even been abused then like they do now. She died of blood clot disorder.",1,flowfy0 kenklot manlikeicey people capping nonesense died depression yen yen word depression even abused like died blood clot disorder -My anxiety and depression has been through the roof these past few weeks. I can feel myself taking it out on others. It’s not intentional but it just happens. I think it’s time to take a few steps back from everything and focus more on me and my mental health 😮‍💨,1,anxiety depression roof past week feel taking others intentional happens think time take step back everything focus mental health -"You know kalau aku percaya semua benda kat internet aku probably ada anxiety, adhd, depression and some form of cancer.",1,know kalau aku percaya semua benda kat internet aku probably ada anxiety adhd depression form cancer -@AfterRMC @PVSportFR @FCMetz domicile pour surmonter ma dépression,1,afterrmc pvsportfr fcmetz domicile pour surmonter pression -@essteeem Depression be Real😂😂,1,essteeem depression real -"Please tell me how to block cleavage & boobs word 🙏🏻... Aur voh wale bhi jisme ladki ladko ko expose karti hai unke SS wale chat dalke 🙏🏻 bc.. hamne bhi ek time pe ek ladki ko kayi message kiye the, ab bc sare lafde wale tweet dekh ke apne depression wale din yaad arahe hai",1,please tell block cleavage amp boob word aur voh wale bhi jisme ladki ladko ko expose karti hai unke s wale chat dalke bc hamne bhi ek time pe ek ladki ko kayi message kiye ab bc sare lafde wale tweet dekh ke apne depression wale din yaad arahe hai -"@NHSuk The issue with this, as a formerly obese person, is the ""jolly fat folk"" persona. I wasn't & all those I know & help are not happy being fat it is a myth put out by the food industry suggesting we are happy being metabolically unhealthy. The depression caused is astronomical.",1,nhsuk issue formerly obese person jolly fat folk persona amp know amp help happy fat myth put food industry suggesting happy metabolically unhealthy depression caused astronomical -Why the heck am I still awake!? I’m usually so tired all@the time but once a week it seems my mind/body says ‘no sleep for you’ wtf! #nosleep #insomnia #depression #stress https://t.co/OyJph1znfy,1,heck still awake usually tired time week seems mind body say sleep wtf nosleep insomnia depression stress http co oyjph znfy -@GMB Ive just retired. Ive had nothing from the budget. But gosh. How in such a time of depression.war and these times. We are all in a terrible times. Cut the cloth. The nhs needs help. I think he is trying to help. What do you want? Money around the world is the same. Its sad.,1,gmb ive retired ive nothing budget gosh time depression war time terrible time cut cloth nh need help think trying help want money around world sad -@mizzzidc Depression for shoes? Ma'am sit down,1,mizzzidc depression shoe sit -@3poison33 For real! I had a c-section they gave me ibuprofen like wtf that didn't do anything and got postpartum depression on top of that too,1,poison real c section gave ibuprofen like wtf anything got postpartum depression top -Being a fan is willful depression at this point and there’s no one to blame but myself 😂,1,fan willful depression point one blame -gonna start seeing my depression like a symbiote,1,gon na start seeing depression like symbiote -"Your language shows your depression. Get well soon. Those who are using mask willingly or by compulsion will not support you,even u may be right.",1,language show depression get well soon using mask willingly compulsion support even u may right -"I treasure my own company, in fact, I love it. But is it really me that wants to remain a recluse, or is it PTSD and Depression? https://t.co/Sukn6AtQ8P @PTSDpuzzle @zachradcliffphd @EDWarrior_2296 @WeMatterTooInc @Leadproject8 @Depress03521244 @Accio_Shinjini @parikabhatli",1,treasure company fact love really want remain recluse ptsd depression http co sukn atq p ptsdpuzzle zachradcliffphd edwarrior 9 wemattertooinc leadproject depress0 accio shinjini parikabhatli -"depression is so real, i’m over this feeling",1,depression real feeling -@AJnr120 @1Obama_ @Manuel_Cyrill @WeGoTalkAm1 @isaacQuophai @BoyeKweku @broken_heart490 @Jon_Kay_ @Rockson_Soul @IzzatElKhawaja And here I am thinking money cures depression eei,1,ajnr 0 obama manuel cyrill wegotalkam isaacquophai boyekweku broken heart 90 jon kay rockson soul izzatelkhawaja thinking money cure depression eei -"@LCI @verif_TF1LCI @tdeszpot Allez voir espagnol, des îles, suisse, autriche. Pays chaud ou assez riches. Belgique ils restent pas trop de pluie, depression",1,lci verif tf lci tdeszpot allez voir espagnol de le suisse autriche pay chaud ou assez rich belgique il restent pa trop de pluie depression -"Honourable mention to this song about Aquarius which I would often sing and dance to with immense intensity when on the edge of depression in Donny, living in my dangerous, deprived, pain filled area ♥️ https://t.co/w5IJatmPkM",1,honourable mention song aquarius would often sing dance immense intensity edge depression donny living dangerous deprived pain filled area http co w ijatmpkm -"@MsMelBee1875 I was a MH nurse working in GP surgeries gatekeeping pts with depression and anxiety to try and keep them out the system. GPs thought it was a brilliant success, the powers that be thought it too expensive and got rid of us for phone triage!",1,msmelbee mh nurse working gp surgery gatekeeping pt depression anxiety try keep system gps thought brilliant success power thought expensive got rid u phone triage -"@WaldoDior @TeamKhabib I was taught the same thing, and was bullied all through my high school years. I have serious resentment because of it, and depression which grew because I had to suffer in silence. I will teach my kids to fight back, if they feel threatened in anyway.",1,waldodior teamkhabib taught thing bullied high school year serious resentment depression grew suffer silence teach kid fight back feel threatened anyway -"I've heard people say *""it's mood swing""* I've heard some say *""it's emotional play""* I've heard people say it is what it is, Yet in all of this, no understanding. Depression is a mental health disorder often misinterpreted and overlooked by many.",1,heard people say mood swing heard say emotional play heard people say yet understanding depression mental health disorder often misinterpreted overlooked many -There's a very thin line between lack of money and Depression.,1,thin line lack money depression - https://t.co/FCEkLau1FF for your depression 😊😊,1,http co fceklau ff depression -The absence of the ability to just get over it is depression,1,absence ability get depression -I should write an article on what to do if you slip back into depression.,1,write article slip back depression -Mental disorders มันไม่ได้แสดงอาการเหมือนกันหมดเด้อ มันอาจจะมี trait ลิสต์เป็นข้อๆก็จริง แต่ไม่ได้เหมือนกันหมดอ่ะ depression ยังดูแค่ตาไม่ได้เลยว่าใครเป็นไม่เป็น,1,mental disorder trait depression -#Depression in Older Adults: Recognizing the Signs of #Elderly Depression and Getting Treatment https://t.co/is9MstWZWu LIKE ▪️ SHARE ▪️ FOLLOW,1,depression older adult recognizing sign elderly depression getting treatment http co is9mstwzwu like share follow -@Brown_Eyed_Gyel @bongani_dee @mizzzidc Perhaps we need to redefine the word depression,1,brown eyed gyel bongani dee mizzzidc perhaps need redefine word depression -@mizzzidc Your mum for that matter irrespective of the past doesn't worth this shame you brought upon her by pasting the screenshot. I wish you a quick healing process from your depression.. Don't forget that an addidas sneaker shouldn't worth more than an $100...,1,mizzzidc mum matter irrespective past worth shame brought upon pasting screenshot wish quick healing process depression forget addidas sneaker worth 00 -Just played: Beach House - Days Of Candy (Depression Cherry),1,played beach house day candy depression cherry -Depression nap>>>,1,depression nap gt gt gt -One of the greatest healer of depression is Thanksgiving! Be thankfuk today!!,1,one greatest healer depression thanksgiving thankfuk today -Footballer: opens up about depression @CrossyDailyStar: toxic waste I think we know who the toxic waste is here.,1,footballer open depression crossydailystar toxic waste think know toxic waste -"@musikpirat Durch den höheren Preis sinkt die Nachfrage, und durch den Zoll kann sich die Marge verringern. Aber dass vor allem Spekulanten damit reich und reicher werden und dass Strafzölle in der Weimarer Republik und den USA in die Great Depression geführt haben, lassen wir außen vor. 🤡",1,musikpirat durch den h heren preis sinkt die nachfrage und durch den zoll kann sich die marge verringern aber das vor allem spekulanten damit reich und reicher werden und das strafz lle der weimarer republik und den usa die great depression gef hrt haben lassen wir au en vor -"@JonnyFX1 No articles on the fact his home was robbed while he was at the game and his kids where at home? or about his battle with depression? Nope, lets twist his one quote about not winning trohpies to drive more hatred!! ""journalism"" these days, if you could call it that, sickens me!!",1,jonnyfx article fact home robbed game kid home battle depression nope let twist one quote winning trohpies drive hatred journalism day could call sickens -Die Luftfahrtindustrie zieht nach der Corona-Depression wieder voll an. Allein Airbus hat angekündigt in diesem Jahr 720 neue Flugzeuge zu bauen! Größte Herausforderung natürlich auch dort: Rohstoffe und Energie. https://t.co/CDyNCinz3c,1,die luftfahrtindustrie zieht nach der corona depression wieder voll allein airbus hat angek ndigt diesem jahr 0 neue flugzeuge zu bauen gr te herausforderung nat rlich auch dort rohstoffe und energie http co cdyncinz c -the 2014 halsey melanie martinez troye sivan lana to 2022 depression pipeline,1,0 halsey melanie martinez troye sivan lana 0 depression pipeline -"Idk what it is with depression, but it always makes you feel like the bad guy. Me - *Breaths*. Me- (right after) what a pos always breathing wrong.",1,idk depression always make feel like bad guy breath right po always breathing wrong -just cause my depression not kicking my ass like it use to don’t mean I’m not still dealing with it.,1,cause depression kicking as like use mean still dealing -"@IspahanJahane La psychologue Dupont Marie-Estelle a traité ce sujet. Sans oublier la dépression, les idées noires.",1,ispahanjahane la psychologue dupont marie estelle trait ce sujet sans oublier la pression le id e noires -Je t’ai sauvé de la rue…. Tu l’as sauvé de la dépression… 🤍,1,je ai sauv de la rue tu l sauv de la pression -#OpenAccess @TheJCPP 'Evidence for machine learning guided early prediction of acute outcomes in the treatment of #depressed children and adolescents with #antidepressants' by Arjun P. Athreya of @MayoClinic et al. https://t.co/Jq2nLDickX #depression #mentalhealth,1,openaccess thejcpp evidence machine learning guided early prediction acute outcome treatment depressed child adolescent antidepressant arjun p athreya mayoclinic et al http co jq nldickx depression mentalhealth -Nothing makes me feel more loved than knowing my close friends have my back. My depression had been getting to me late at night to the point where I'm having trouble sleeping and my anxiety is peaked but I always have the best people to cheer me up and calm my thoughts.💖💖💖,1,nothing make feel loved knowing close friend back depression getting late night point trouble sleeping anxiety peaked always best people cheer calm thought -That tiktok ab trying combat depression daily wow it is so right,1,tiktok ab trying combat depression daily wow right -U first think the solution to avoid hurts and heartbreak 💔 is staying out of love and marriage until u realize that abstinence comes with another type of hurt and depression that comes with loneliness and not having person u call ur own. May love find u...,1,u first think solution avoid hurt heartbreak staying love marriage u realize abstinence come another type hurt depression come loneliness person u call ur may love find u -"if you ask yourself how am i still awake after only sleeping 3 hours, it’s stressed about bio exam at 1230 so im studying, running on a black coffee and a bagel, about to make another black coffee to stay warm, and depression/ crying",1,ask still awake sleeping hour stressed bio exam 0 im studying running black coffee bagel make another black coffee stay warm depression cry -She's a afraid of you.somebody killed herself bcos of depression after sexual assaults by you,1,afraid somebody killed bcos depression sexual assault -recently i’ve been barely sleeping and eating to the point where i’m sometimes embarrassed to go in public because i look like i have two black eyes. i also have zero energy and frequent tremors in my arms. bleh. depression sucks.,1,recently barely sleeping eating point sometimes embarrassed go public look like two black eye also zero energy frequent tremor arm bleh depression suck -"lecturers are actually the most atrocious people who trigger a lot of depression. rude when you ask for help, setting quarter to impossible papers and then come to class and brag to students how they’ve acquired their degree. peak condescension",1,lecturer actually atrocious people trigger lot depression rude ask help setting quarter impossible paper come class brag student acquired degree peak condescension -"A veces nos sentimos tan mal, que llegamos a creer que las personas de nuestro alrededor están fastidiad@s de nosotros... Y queremos platicar con alguien pero ya no queremos molestarlos... #Depresion #depression",1,veces no sentimos tan mal que llegamos creer que la persona de nuestro alrededor est n fastidiad de nosotros queremos platicar con alguien pero ya queremos molestarlos depresion depression -"@TellYourSonThis It's called depression, anxiety and stress in the West. Black magic = someone wants you harm. While we don't consider other people's action and thought's to be evil or the reason for our misfortunes",1,tellyoursonthis called depression anxiety stress west black magic someone want harm consider people action thought evil reason misfortune -"Wer mit einem depressiven Menschen zu tun hat, stößt unweigerlich an seine Grenzen, denn der Umgang mit Ihnen ist anstrengend. In „Great Depression“ schreibt unsere Kolumnistin über psychische Erkrankungen. https://t.co/Pb6wfwNglF",1,wer mit einem depressiven menschen zu tun hat st unweigerlich seine grenzen denn der umgang mit ihnen ist anstrengend great depression schreibt unsere kolumnistin ber psychische erkrankungen http co pb wfwnglf -"@DERlDIUM @dojoWRLD ain't even gonna lie, winning this a day before my bday would be a game changer for my extreme lack of motivation and hella depression as of late LOL https://t.co/mpurP4PRsx",1,derldium dojowrld even gon na lie winning day bday would game changer extreme lack motivation hella depression late lol http co mpurp prsx -"@mizzzidc @mizzzidc you need help, depression is setting in, pls seek for a professional care.",1,mizzzidc mizzzidc need help depression setting pls seek professional care -@01gi_depression 역시 관상은 사이언스인가 봐,1,0 gi depression -If depression was a garden,1,depression garden -"Never felt so embarrassed by our fanbase these last few days. All clamouring to support Jodi when he spoke about his depression barely even 2mths ago, shouting his name when they see him warming up. Now he's suddenly a drain on the club and doesn't deserve our support. Funny that",1,never felt embarrassed fanbase last day clamouring support jodi spoke depression barely even mths ago shouting name see warming suddenly drain club deserve support funny -Man is my depression ever gonna go away.. I'm honestly so sick of this,1,man depression ever gon na go away honestly sick -It's not out of place for people to slip back into depression. What's out of place is not seeking help.,1,place people slip back depression place seeking help -"@MedFitBlondie It will also be life changing when you come off of them, so much so in my experience that you will one day wish you never started them. Yes the energy is great, the focus is great, but when you get off them depression WILL set in, fatigue & sleepiness will last weeks.",1,medfitblondie also life changing come much experience one day wish never started yes energy great focus great get depression set fatigue amp sleepiness last week -"Quand vous comprendrait que être gros ne viens pas du fait de mal manger mais de plein d'autre facteurs, la génétique, les tca , les hormones, les troubles mentaux ( la dépression l'anxiété ect ) là où pourrais avancer.",1,quand vous comprendrait que tre gros ne viens pa du fait de mal manger mais de plein autre facteurs la g n tique le tca le hormone le trouble mentaux la pression l anxi ect l pourrais avancer -gaslighting myself into getting rid of my depression and anxiety,1,gaslighting getting rid depression anxiety -"Uncertainty, loss, and isolation during the COVID-19 period have contributed to depression and anxiety. Exercise is essential to help maintain good mental health and reduce the risk of depression and anxiety. #brainhealth #healthylifestyle #avivclinics https://t.co/KPli5I5bbs",1,uncertainty loss isolation covid 9 period contributed depression anxiety exercise essential help maintain good mental health reduce risk depression anxiety brainhealth healthylifestyle avivclinics http co kpli bb -@ohmyelio google with the facts bruh omg i can always count on google to cure me😀👍 ….. haha but not my depression,1,ohmyelio google fact bruh omg always count google cure haha depression -Bon j'ai de nouveau était au médecin hier. Mon arrêt est prolongé jusque fin Avril et j'ai un psy a voir pour parler de ma dépression.,1,bon j ai de nouveau tait au decin hier mon arr est prolong jusque fin avril et j ai un psy voir pour parler de pression -ik this was his depression outfit but i couldnt no laugh at it look at him. he was wearing stede’s clothes and writing songs abt not wanting to let him go. izzy how could you do this to us. https://t.co/AvVlcv7ixx,1,ik depression outfit couldnt laugh look wearing stede clothes writing song abt wanting let go izzy could u http co avvlcv ixx -@mizzzidc Nah that depression go finish you,1,mizzzidc nah depression go finish -"@SeemeSimyyyy Eya ndalama ivute zibweziso zivute, kunja nkwa DEPRESSION uku 😅",1,seemesimyyyy eya ndalama ivute zibweziso zivute kunja nkwa depression uku -The great depression,1,great depression -"This is the first time I've cried since December last year. It's a powerful feeling. Emotions run strong. I'm wired different, since I have autism. So I react differently, and can take depression and sadness easier than most but this hit me hard AF.",1,first time cried since december last year powerful feeling emotion run strong wired different since autism react differently take depression sadness easier hit hard af -Currently struggling to deal with Headache Dizzy Chest pain Shortness of breath Cough / Sore throat Soon.. Depression 🙃,1,currently struggling deal headache dizzy chest pain shortness breath cough sore throat soon depression -"Because of ordinary shoe? 😂😂😂😂 Oloshi Leleyi o, Depression cos of ordinary Nike Sneakers? If na LV or Prada nko?",1,ordinary shoe oloshi leleyi depression co ordinary nike sneaker na lv prada nko -@ShankiAustine Depression,1,shankiaustine depression -"I’m so open about my experience with postnatal depression because I don’t want any new mum frantically googling “why don’t I love my baby???” & “what’s wrong with me???” Like I did. Postnatal depression is so common, ranging in severity regardless, you’re not alone🤍",1,open experience postnatal depression want new mum frantically googling love baby amp wrong like postnatal depression common ranging severity regardless alone -butthole depression,1,butthole depression -what if this happened then i dont have money omg slfl depression 2.0 😍,1,happened dont money omg slfl depression 0 -@UtdJazzy Kia kare wou khudh depression mein hai,1,utdjazzy kia kare wou khudh depression mein hai -"@AndyGaming_ Une seule issue, changer .. il n'y aura probablement aucune évolution de carrière, de plus, tu risque de tomber en dépression.",1,andygaming une seule issue changer il n aura probablement aucune volution de carri de plus tu risque de tomber en pression -زهقنا من القعدة بالبيت والتنبلة والتأجيل والdepression وزهقنا انو نلبس ٥ قطع لندفى تسقع طيزنا بس نفوت الحمام زهقنا من الgrippe والإنفلونزا واخوتهن اخر همي الAC والشوب والعرق والكهربا بدي اضهر وبدي اشلح وضلني بالزلط واتزنطر طلعوا من راسي يا محبين الشتي. مين معي؟,1,depression grippe ac -"@darknbold1 @biolakazeem Love and light from me too but I had to unfollow him on all his accounts so not to fall into depression too. Blaming Mourinho. Not his fault, it’s the club that chose him over Mourinho. Someone that should come out and humbly apologise to the club and fans before he leaves.",1,darknbold biolakazeem love light unfollow account fall depression blaming mourinho fault club chose mourinho someone come humbly apologise club fan leaf -@mtee_W @Deolfc @mizzzidc If the lack of respect for some sth serious like abuse then YES. But not angry your mother wore your SNEAKERS. Your siblings don't borrow y'alls shoes & necklaces without asking first?? Just to start posting on twitter & crying depression. If sb forgets this one's charger nkor.,1,mtee w deolfc mizzzidc lack respect sth serious like abuse yes angry mother wore sneaker sibling borrow alls shoe amp necklace without asking first start posting twitter amp cry depression sb forgets one charger nkor -"@annaxmayr @DIEZEIT Mühsal schränkt Teilhabe ein. Besonders wenn diese schon eine Weile vorliegt. Aus Folgen demoralisierter Gemütsverfassung bzw. Stimmung. Um nicht von Depression zu sprechen. Was letztlich dazu führt, dass Leute sich zurückziehen. Hinweis auf +content gehört einfach zum guten Ton.",1,annaxmayr diezeit hsal schr nkt teilhabe ein besonders wenn diese schon eine weile vorliegt au folgen demoralisierter gem tsverfassung bzw stimmung um nicht von depression zu sprechen letztlich dazu f hrt das leute sich zur ckziehen hinweis auf content geh rt einfach zum guten ton -"Me gustaría crear un espacio para hablar sobre los siguientes temas: #depression #peliculas #Musica #hilos Sería muy cool platicar con ustedes, que opinan?",1,gustar crear un espacio para hablar sobre los siguientes temas depression peliculas musica hilo ser muy cool platicar con ustedes que opinan -@oluwatimeelehin You no dey see report wey say him they battle depression 😂😂😂😂,1,oluwatimeelehin dey see report wey say battle depression -Causes of depression? 10 marks https://t.co/HA1NiS5DiH,1,cause depression 0 mark http co ha ni dih -"Entering a depression week, I feel it :/",1,entering depression week feel -could you imagine Angel EVA fights against Titan 🥺 we got double depression https://t.co/7rQSCB2dOM,1,could imagine angel eva fight titan got double depression http co rqscb dom -"She added ""I'm also emotional because I know this will spiral me back to depression"" yet she puts it out here. Woke generation and BS. This one two wants to be respected like this",1,added also emotional know spiral back depression yet put woke generation b one two want respected like -"@mizzzidc This isn't real. If it's real, your depression is warming up.",1,mizzzidc real real depression warming -@mizzzidc @la_fisto How about you just move out? Wtf are you doing living with your parents anyway especially since you're claiming that it's causing your depression?,1,mizzzidc la fisto move wtf living parent anyway especially since claiming causing depression -When the depression hits,1,depression hit -"Sorry if I'm not as active, I've been going through depression, but my artificial intelligence bot avar is keeping me up, ❤️",1,sorry active going depression artificial intelligence bot avar keeping -"@I_nyctophile Yup, which is not necessarily equivalent to depression na.",1,nyctophile yup necessarily equivalent depression na -Chaque jour le FC Metz me plonge en dépression Ce club ne m'a pas rendu heureux depuis la victoire face a Lyon 1 an et demi sans me rendre heureux....,1,chaque jour le fc metz plonge en pression ce club ne pa rendu heureux depuis la victoire face lyon et demi sans rendre heureux -"I was one of them. It still haunts me, and I'm unsure if I'll ever let go of having to endure 4 months without support, with a newborn and a 2 year old whilst suffering post natal depression. I'm still feeling the effects nearly two years later. @PregnantScrewed #butnotmaternity",1,one still haunt unsure ever let go endure month without support newborn year old whilst suffering post natal depression still feeling effect nearly two year later pregnantscrewed butnotmaternity -"@angery_chungus @most_opppressed Memory loss is a symptom of depression, js.",1,angery chungus opppressed memory loss symptom depression j -"@babdhlamini She's looking for ""cheap therapy"". Talking about depression and all, like this singular act won't push her down that path faster😂.",1,babdhlamini looking cheap therapy talking depression like singular act push path faster -guys seasonal depression is over it’s time for just regular depression now im so happy,1,guy seasonal depression time regular depression im happy -@bajabitchin after a week long depression i finally managed to do some work on stuff i'm behind on,1,bajabitchin week long depression finally managed work stuff behind -depression: healed,1,depression healed -“So why are depressed people so “lazy”? The first thing to realize is that fighting depression is a full-time job. Depressed people sleep a lot because their brains get tired from fighting negative thoughts and feelings all day.”,1,depressed people lazy first thing realize fighting depression full time job depressed people sleep lot brain get tired fighting negative thought feeling day -@KarenLo55750271 I am okay. Tired and still struggling with my depression. How about you? 💜,1,karenlo 0 okay tired still struggling depression -ngayon lang ulit ako nag stay sa bahay kaya nasuot ko mga sando and shorts kong sa bahay ko lang nasusuot tas napansin ko shett semexy ako mga 69% HAHAHAHAHA CHARIZ wala lang na appreciate ko lang yun lang siguro magandang nadulot ng depression sakin WAHAHAHAH,1,ngayon lang ulit ako nag stay sa bahay kaya nasuot ko mga sando short kong sa bahay ko lang nasusuot ta napansin ko shett semexy ako mga 9 hahahahaha chariz wala lang na appreciate ko lang yun lang siguro magandang nadulot ng depression sakin wahahahah -@Owen_1906 Who do British people still eat like there in the Great Depression era,1,owen 90 british people still eat like great depression era -"have the perfect combo of cash and depression to go for an absurdly long tattoo session tomorrow, sorry to my artist",1,perfect combo cash depression go absurdly long tattoo session tomorrow sorry artist -"I, open to every experience that life offers. emotions. feelings. sadness. confusion. happiness. excitement. depression. lowest point of life. challenges. change. adventure. artistic feel. dreams. desire. knowledge. new people. new culture. innovation. open mindedness.",1,open every experience life offer emotion feeling sadness confusion happiness excitement depression lowest point life challenge change adventure artistic feel dream desire knowledge new people new culture innovation open mindedness -"Je pense à supprimer Twitter parce que bonjour la dépression ici, y a des personnes joyeuses dans votre tl vous ?",1,je pense supprimer twitter parce que bonjour la pression ici de personnes joyeuses dans votre tl vous -"when my depression goes wayyy down deep, I say “okay diana you’re going into dark mood, what can I do to fix it?”",1,depression go wayyy deep say okay diana going dark mood fix -"lately, I’ve been calling my depression Dark Mode.",1,lately calling depression dark mode -dude........... im going to work w my dad today bc he is determined to get me out of depression mode..... but i am STILL AWAKE,1,dude im going work w dad today bc determined get depression mode still awake -"@VanessaFungamw2 We need to educate ourselves that it's ok to stay single if there's no right person available... Marriage already has enough financial stress, then on top of that you do it with the wrong person.. Ndiye ma depression nama BP aya muvi kwati",1,vanessafungamw need educate ok stay single right person available marriage already enough financial stress top wrong person ndiye depression nama bp aya muvi kwati -"“This view of depression is disturbingly common. Despite all the work mental-health activists have put into fighting the stigmatization of mental illness, negative and ignorant perceptions of the disorder remain prevalent.”",1,view depression disturbingly common despite work mental health activist put fighting stigmatization mental illness negative ignorant perception disorder remain prevalent -This suits me much better than working in a care home and hospital eg. I’ve had a lot of death and sickness in my life & I found it fundamentally difficult to manage my depression. When facing the end of life and loss of self and huge emotional pain so deeply.,1,suit much better working care home hospital eg lot death sickness life amp found fundamentally difficult manage depression facing end life loss self huge emotional pain deeply -"@elmartinsz She said it will spiral her back into depression 😭😭😭 She might actually need help sha. And maybe the parents too sef are being hurtful. We don’t exactly know her struggles but omo, we always tend to support parents in these sort of situations",1,elmartinsz said spiral back depression might actually need help sha maybe parent sef hurtful exactly know struggle omo always tend support parent sort situation -I've always joked about depression but lately I've found myself facing overwhelming feelings of a sadness that can't be described in words. I pray I have it in me to face this and not get consumed by it.🙏🏾,1,always joked depression lately found facing overwhelming feeling sadness described word pray face get consumed -Depression? Over Nike shoes? Which your own mother might have bought? What disrespect too is this??,1,depression nike shoe mother might bought disrespect -If you get a concealer for hiding your dark spots then why dont you get one for your emotions?! . #emotions #dark #Depression #quotes #thoughts #Anxiety,1,get concealer hiding dark spot dont get one emotion emotion dark depression quote thought anxiety -@mizzzidc But move out soon Swettie. You sound like a breadwinner so have your own place to avoid sinking into depression over sneakers ❤️,1,mizzzidc move soon swettie sound like breadwinner place avoid sinking depression sneaker -Depression is when you don’t want to live and don’t want to die either.,1,depression want live want die either -"& usually get anxious, excited, expectant whenever they pick up their phones to refresh their pages for new contents. It often leads to depression & anxiety disorders.",1,amp usually get anxious excited expectant whenever pick phone refresh page new content often lead depression amp anxiety disorder -depression. i love it.,1,depression love -@cpt_depression_ https://t.co/C0CLieVUa9,1,cpt depression http co c0clievua9 -I have been getting body pain by manic depression. It’s very awkward for drawing.,1,getting body pain manic depression awkward drawing -"😂😂😂 I'm sure that Twitter doesn't know the definition of depression,",1,sure twitter know definition depression -@metalgearobama people with depression should not,1,metalgearobama people depression -"@Siya_oo11 @NaTashia_Lindo @noxolo_n_ @Ori_RSA I will never understand how they don't see it because it brings nothing but unnecessary stress, anxieties and depression💔",1,siya oo natashia lindo noxolo n ori rsa never understand see brings nothing unnecessary stress anxiety depression -@A24 👏👏👏👏 no better way to fight depression https://t.co/QmW6Or6dmf,1,better way fight depression http co qmw dmf -"@mizzzidc why post it online? Backing your stupid act with kicking back to depression trying to play emotional game to win pity from people, you'll commit suicide because of shoe? Lol, I'm sorry for you dear. Keep up the energy.",1,mizzzidc post online backing stupid act kicking back depression trying play emotional game win pity people commit suicide shoe lol sorry dear keep energy -I don't know about y'all but I really fucking hate when people act like depression is just being really sad.,1,know really fucking hate people act like depression really sad -Join us next Wednesday at 11am as we cover the #UrbanHealthCouncil's recent work on Ecological Health. 5 reports present urbanisations role in disease development; such as Depression and its links to Air Pollution. Urban Planning is Healthcare! https://t.co/xOZ6RSuNxH,1,join u next wednesday cover urbanhealthcouncil recent work ecological health report present urbanisation role disease development depression link air pollution urban planning healthcare http co xoz rsunxh -@Hawkmansworld Some random person on Twitter not hurting anyone: BvS helped with my depression Matches: why BvS killed my dog and you should feel bad,1,hawkmansworld random person twitter hurting anyone bvs helped depression match bvs killed dog feel bad -depression f-in sucks,1,depression f suck -Yung nag hahanap ka ng Magandang BL tapos nahanap mo trauma at depression 👺👹😭 https://t.co/sciDEKgQjD,1,yung nag hahanap ka ng magandang bl tapos nahanap mo trauma depression http co scidekgqjd -Ugh the struggle with depression and anxiety is real rn not to mention my insomnia is wanting to act up too zzzzzz I hate my brain sometimes,1,ugh struggle depression anxiety real rn mention insomnia wanting act zzzzzz hate brain sometimes -"Oh yes, HB to one of the most intr movies in history! Let's tell each other the impressions of our first viewing of Electroma! I remember it was in the year 2014 and then this film raised a lot of questions for me cuz I was not prepared to sit and watch 2 robots die of depression",1,oh yes hb one intr movie history let tell impression first viewing electroma remember year 0 film raised lot question cuz prepared sit watch robot die depression -People in Eelam live in depression. The reason is that passing every hour from waking up in the morning till going to sleep at night is a difficult task where else but Tamil Nadu? #StopArrestingEelamTamils,1,people eelam live depression reason passing every hour waking morning till going sleep night difficult task else tamil nadu stoparrestingeelamtamils -@mpilo_miya3 @darqhskined_asf @Brown_Eyed_Gyel @bongani_dee @mizzzidc Who bought the shoes for her? Her work savings or her parents money?? I understand her being annoyed about the sneakers. People can spoil your stuff if you let them wear it too much But it's her mother. She didn't have to post it to make her mother look bad & cry depression,1,mpilo miya darqhskined asf brown eyed gyel bongani dee mizzzidc bought shoe work saving parent money understand annoyed sneaker people spoil stuff let wear much mother post make mother look bad amp cry depression -"Et faut aussi arrêtez d’avoir cette Mala de dire ici que vos enfants vont forcément sombre dans le hors mariage, dans la dépression forcée si ils ont subits une règle de caste . A croire que c’est la seule issu possible .",1,et faut aussi arr tez avoir cette mala de dire ici que vos enfants vont forc ment sombre dans le hors mariage dans la pression forc e si il ont subits une r gle de caste croire que c est la seule issu possible -just washed the huge pile of post binge depression dishes from my bedside table who's proud of me,1,washed huge pile post binge depression dish bedside table proud -We support you with anxiety stress depression trauma bereavement negative emotions . For more information please call 0116 4030092. #ADHD #addiction #traumainformed #Trauma #cbt #MentalHealthMatters #depression https://t.co/Xdn1zg4919,1,support anxiety stress depression trauma bereavement negative emotion information please call 0 0 009 adhd addiction traumainformed trauma cbt mentalhealthmatters depression http co xdn zg 9 9 -@mizzzidc Honestly I think this was too much for u to treat your mom this way cos of sneakers. Imagine the depression she would feel too that her own daughter took her to social media cos of sneakers. What if she had come on SM for the pains she went thru when she had your pregnancy.,1,mizzzidc honestly think much u treat mom way co sneaker imagine depression would feel daughter took social medium co sneaker come sm pain went thru pregnancy -@cpt_depression_ Correct.,1,cpt depression correct -@AmmarKhaledMus1 @Depression_A2 🖤,1,ammarkhaledmus depression -"We're Here To Help! We are online therapy platform, which essentially connects certified psychologists and people suffering from mental health issues such as depression, stress and anxiety, among dozens of other clinically defined disorders. Book your appointment now: ... https://t.co/e4StIfhjTX",1,help online therapy platform essentially connects certified psychologist people suffering mental health issue depression stress anxiety among dozen clinically defined disorder book appointment http co e stifhjtx -@Ayodi_Avico @AllanNyash Depression,1,ayodi avico allannyash depression -@mizzzidc @la_fisto Healing from sneakers depression 😬😬,1,mizzzidc la fisto healing sneaker depression -"@TwitringMachine @AnaMardoll I mean, with her portrayal of bipolar, her views on depression & victims of suicide, autism really wasn't that far out. It's like an ableism trifecta: autism is weird & ruins lives, personality disorders are abusive, depression is fake & attention seeking.",1,twitringmachine anamardoll mean portrayal bipolar view depression amp victim suicide autism really far like ableism trifecta autism weird amp ruin life personality disorder abusive depression fake amp attention seeking -@cpt_depression_ Like you and the baby. Ohhhhhhsnap! (Don't block me),1,cpt depression like baby ohhhhhhsnap block -@drshashsnk Hoi... But good thing is I can afford both therapy and books 😭😭😭no more depression 😭😭🤣,1,drshashsnk hoi good thing afford therapy book depression -"We're Here To Help! We are online therapy platform, which essentially connects certified psychologists and people suffering from mental health issues such as depression, stress and anxiety, among dozens of other clinically defined disorders. Book your appointment now: ... https://t.co/0uHHrOUdrR",1,help online therapy platform essentially connects certified psychologist people suffering mental health issue depression stress anxiety among dozen clinically defined disorder book appointment http co 0uhhroudrr -@yangsfolder lu harus liat rant gue sih i went through 5 stages of depression hari ini,1,yangsfolder lu harus liat rant gue sih went stage depression hari ini -Pogba is one of the most irresponsible player of this era . Man tried to pin his depression issh on Mourinho who insulted the class of 92 cos him . He sanctioned a big contract for him and helped him win trophies .,1,pogba one irresponsible player era man tried pin depression issh mourinho insulted class 9 co sanctioned big contract helped win trophy -I fucking hate the depression stage but I developed tools to work around it. Alcohol and lots of comedy and lots of sleep https://t.co/U0GIYNcg0j,1,fucking hate depression stage developed tool work around alcohol lot comedy lot sleep http co u0giyncg0j -"Welcome everyone! we are happy to continue our discussion on postnatal depression with you. Now, how different is #postnataldepression from maternal blues? Come on in and learn some more. #postpartummentalhealth #TimeWithDrNita https://t.co/CMfou0tnAn",1,welcome everyone happy continue discussion postnatal depression different postnataldepression maternal blue come learn postpartummentalhealth timewithdrnita http co cmfou0tnan -@BR24 @Karl_Lauterbach @Bundeskanzler @c_lindner ..ziehen wir mal 17 Milliarden von den 100 Milliarden für Bundeswehr ab. Sonst kommen die AN aus dem Frust in die Depression. Das wird volkswirtschaftlich teuer 🧐,1,br karl lauterbach bundeskanzler c lindner ziehen wir mal milliarden von den 00 milliarden f r bundeswehr ab sonst kommen die au dem frust die depression da wird volkswirtschaftlich teuer -my alt acc looks like it's made by someone with major depression and schizophrenia while being high on ketamine,1,alt acc look like made someone major depression schizophrenia high ketamine -@cephaldo1 @mizzzidc These people love depression. Ke matepe fela mo.,1,cephaldo mizzzidc people love depression ke matepe fela mo -"Pharmaceuticals, Vol. 15, Pages 391: Depression and Autoimmune Hypothyroidism&mdash;Their Relationship and the Effects of Treating Psychiatric and Thyroid Disorders on Changes in Clinical and Biochemical Parameters Including BDNF and Other Cytokin... https://t.co/I98BNbJ4VM",1,pharmaceutical vol page 9 depression autoimmune hypothyroidism amp mdash relationship effect treating psychiatric thyroid disorder change clinical biochemical parameter including bdnf cytokin http co i9 bnbj vm -"The 2nd account is suspended tho. Let them rejoice, depression is eating them all up",1,nd account suspended tho let rejoice depression eating -"@fighter_kev It's funny how they are all facing stress, sorrow and depression then 😅",1,fighter kev funny facing stress sorrow depression -"Kalau mau ikut logik sndri, susah ba tu mau kontrol postpartum punya emosi. Tp syukur c husband sangat² mbantu dalam mengubati & melayan sy. Kalau dia kasi biar sy sndri tu, konfom sy tewas suda sama postpartum emotions/depression.",1,kalau mau ikut logik sndri susah ba tu mau kontrol postpartum punya emosi tp syukur c husband sangat mbantu dalam mengubati amp melayan sy kalau dia kasi biar sy sndri tu konfom sy tewas suda sama postpartum emotion depression -Trauma is Real. Depression is Real. Don’t underestimate them but also don’t underestimate the power of Allah to treat them. Anti-depressants don’t do anything compared to what god can do. الحمدالله على نعمة الإسلام,1,trauma real depression real underestimate also underestimate power allah treat anti depressant anything compared god -mother depression arc,1,mother depression arc -@odogwuelder @Brown_Eyed_Gyel @bongani_dee @mizzzidc Imagine her doing this drying depression over forgotten sneakers. If this one loses her job or a child nkor. What will she do.,1,odogwuelder brown eyed gyel bongani dee mizzzidc imagine drying depression forgotten sneaker one loses job child nkor -@cpt_depression_ Don't do this to me. Yesterday was exhausting.,1,cpt depression yesterday exhausting -@stats_feed Indians doesn't know what is depression. We would have been topping the list otherwise.😆,1,stats feed indian know depression would topping list otherwise -"@mizzzidc Any small thing una go Tag am “mental health”,”depression” and “ trauma” so it’s cos of sneakers your mental health suddenly got affected,get your own apartment if you want privacy sis.",1,mizzzidc small thing una go tag mental health depression trauma co sneaker mental health suddenly got affected get apartment want privacy si -"@_myocardium_ dl-shikista could be heart broken. Depression is ""Yasiat"" یاسیت",1,myocardium dl shikista could heart broken depression yasiat -@Chabi_213 Prsk tu l’as fais tombé en dépression,1,chabi prsk tu l fais tomb en pression -"@Bunkern2021 @korpkvinnan @chrissieSTH Haha vi betalar mer skatt än dig, du kan aldrig gå till ett sjukhus elr apotek utan att se oss där. Vi äger typ alla restauranger medan du är sjukanmäld pga ångest och depression 😉",1,bunkern 0 korpkvinnan chrissiesth haha vi betalar mer skatt n dig du kan aldrig g till ett sjukhus elr apotek utan att se os r vi ger typ alla restauranger medan du r sjukanm ld pga ngest och depression -"The idea that we are not allowed to feel sad/depressed/grieve over something just because other people have it worse than us is so toxic. It invalidates our own feelings and makes sadness/depression/grief a ""privilege"" for a selected few",1,idea allowed feel sad depressed grieve something people worse u toxic invalidates feeling make sadness depression grief privilege selected -"Depression is the new cool. Small thing ""I'm depressed"". A microscopic glance at what's making them depressed & you'll realise they're trivial & less worrisome. The people who actually undergo depression barely announce it cause a major xteristic of the syndrome is reclusion.",1,depression new cool small thing depressed microscopic glance making depressed amp realise trivial amp le worrisome people actually undergo depression barely announce cause major xteristic syndrome reclusion -@ethocide @Mina_Mina_7 @anca_oc @armenians @turkish @coffee @Baklava @Delight Greek alphabet also Turkish Ottoman Persian also Turkish Genocide also Turkish War Crimes also Turkish Economic depression also Turkish Mongols also Turkish Dictatorship also Turkish Racism also Turkish Fascism also Turkish Rape also Turkish Sexism also Turkish 🦃 also Turkish,1,ethocide mina mina anca oc armenian turkish coffee baklava delight greek alphabet also turkish ottoman persian also turkish genocide also turkish war crime also turkish economic depression also turkish mongol also turkish dictatorship also turkish racism also turkish fascism also turkish rape also turkish sexism also turkish also turkish -Also the anxiety and post groove depression?? Yho ha.a sana,1,also anxiety post groove depression yho ha sana -Didnt know having too much anxiety and the overwhelming depression is gonna make sleep at 5am sleep all day😭😭😭 I MISSSED A LOT,1,didnt know much anxiety overwhelming depression gon na make sleep sleep day misssed lot -"""The war trauma... will take so long to heal."" (God in heaven, I pray for peace to come soon.) Said he had fallen into a depression. “The two-day curfew and all the explosions have got to me. I had so many plans for this year and now they are gone.”",1,war trauma take long heal god heaven pray peace come soon said fallen depression two day curfew explosion got many plan year gone -"myb just of the way the chronic depression that ive gotten from wrote down her step-on-step being killed inside fortheringay castle, trapped by pain, n was smth like concrete, physical, or traumatic scene when elizabeth didnt do anything when the blood gushing from her head?",1,myb way chronic depression ive gotten wrote step step killed inside fortheringay castle trapped pain n smth like concrete physical traumatic scene elizabeth didnt anything blood gushing head -"In the big city he was in depression and now, please just look at his face. This is the face of freedom. This is the face of a big relief. This is the face of an islander. He always had been a mirror of our emotions and now seeing him like this, just warms my heart.",1,big city depression please look face face freedom face big relief face islander always mirror emotion seeing like warms heart -"I get angry at myself because of how depressed I get and the fact that I can't control it. I'm genuinely a happy person, so when my depression hits hard, I get mad at me.",1,get angry depressed get fact control genuinely happy person depression hit hard get mad -tw // depression okay besties I need some help/opinions ab my struggle with brushing my hair.. I currently have really bad knots in my hair and I’m Hispanic/white and my hair is so thick and curly I don’t understand how to properly take care of it and I haven’t brushed my hair,1,tw depression okay besties need help opinion ab struggle brushing hair currently really bad knot hair hispanic white hair thick curly understand properly take care brushed hair -It's so satisfying to say I did some work on my writing today! And today I can say that!!! #5amwritersclub #amwriting #writingcommunity #MentalHealth #depression #mentalillness https://t.co/Z8b2rMTose,1,satisfying say work writing today today say amwritersclub amwriting writingcommunity mentalhealth depression mentalillness http co z b rmtose -Depression go dey regret why e exist. Y’all blaming your bad character on depression. That shit is tired.,1,depression go dey regret e exist blaming bad character depression shit tired -@maria040632921 Depression,1,maria0 0 9 depression -@BoningWigald So sieht meine momentane Depression aus,1,boningwigald sieht meine momentane depression au -@rsk_depression 落合さん、こんにちは🙂 ﾅﾃﾞﾅﾃﾞ(*´･ω･)ﾉﾞ 無理しないでくださいね❗️,1,rsk depression -@Iamdepr47974144 Have you talked to anyone about how you feel? #mentalhealth #depression,1,iamdepr 9 talked anyone feel mentalhealth depression -@YinkaPost He went into depression I think,1,yinkapost went depression think -@AdewunmiTemit19 @WeirdPeace @olumurewa The sound of your depression,1,adewunmitemit 9 weirdpeace olumurewa sound depression -@Absalomjuma_ Kukufa na depression 😂😂😂💔,1,absalomjuma kukufa na depression -"Pogba NEVER SAID that Manchester United was dead to him. Furthermore, just days after opening up about mental health and depression, some “journalists” label Pogba as “toxic waste”. Absolutely awful and just plain wrong. #MUFC https://t.co/M0oaEIfYwc",1,pogba never said manchester united dead furthermore day opening mental health depression journalist label pogba toxic waste absolutely awful plain wrong mufc http co m0oaeifywc -@solarishilton This was me in high school because I was being abused physically and verbally at home and had severe depression. But college is different since you don’t have to go by law so idk 🤷‍♀️,1,solarishilton high school abused physically verbally home severe depression college different since go law idk -"@patrick_coate @JackPosobiec Agree 100 % the arrogance of the Biden administration will sink this country into a huge depression. Liberals been canceling anything and anyone they don’t like, soon our standard our living will be canceled by others who hate our guts and the dollar.",1,patrick coate jackposobiec agree 00 arrogance biden administration sink country huge depression liberal canceling anything anyone like soon standard living canceled others hate gut dollar -@Engysmohamed Of depression.,1,engysmohamed depression -Bitches come and go but depression stay.,1,bitch come go depression stay -Taking small steps moves you forward! Small manageable steps allow you to develop your skills and progress faster. #anxiety #anxious #depression #depressed #learning #selfhelp https://t.co/JBLXBl4azz,1,taking small step move forward small manageable step allow develop skill progress faster anxiety anxious depression depressed learning selfhelp http co jblxbl azz -"@JerotichSeii @MarthaKarua The same lot that has caused oppression, depression among the people, poverty, nepotism and capitalism have found formerly well thought but no longer - betrayal is the new normal.",1,jerotichseii marthakarua lot caused oppression depression among people poverty nepotism capitalism found formerly well thought longer betrayal new normal -@ThePradeepRawat @aastha__tiwari Sir please help state baord students we want internalassessment we are in mental pressure and depression,1,thepradeeprawat aastha tiwari sir please help state baord student want internalassessment mental pressure depression -@mizzzidc O masepa a ngwana straight wena the way you we spoke to your mom it's like you were talking to your small sister even if you can go back to depression voetsak https://t.co/y38hSJd2NR,1,mizzzidc masepa ngwana straight wena way spoke mom like talking small sister even go back depression voetsak http co hsjd nr -"@Orethebrave But we all like writing that we can work under pressure 🤣🤣🤣🤣 me na to cry, I cried sotey I pack my load and left my work place, before I go die for depression, I don't know who told employers that they don't praise employees, but right now in that office, things I did as a",1,orethebrave like writing work pressure na cry cried sotey pack load left work place go die depression know told employer praise employee right office thing -guh the anatomy on this is horrible but this was mostly drawn to help me get through some heavy depression so! Forgive that...,1,guh anatomy horrible mostly drawn help get heavy depression forgive -Buong NieR Series depression dala 😭,1,buong nier series depression dala -@mund_ia Am good bro. Dealing with some mental health issues. Bipolar. On a depression stage now. Been on a manic stage for a while .,1,mund ia good bro dealing mental health issue bipolar depression stage manic stage -"Depression because of some trainers, get a grip man fuckin drama queen",1,depression trainer get grip man fuckin drama queen -@mizzzidc Imagine what you’d do to someone else if you can actually say this rubbish to ur mom🤦🏾‍♂️🤦🏾‍♂️ and you’re so proud of posting this shit damn you’re the biggest bastard I’ve ever seen in my entire life!! Damn!! make depression kill you dia you good for nothing daughter Ewu🐐 fool Nama🐄,1,mizzzidc imagine someone else actually say rubbish ur mom proud posting shit damn biggest bastard ever seen entire life damn make depression kill dia good nothing daughter ewu fool nama -"@JoeEDwyer Put poets on the moon, I want to hear about depression on the moon",1,joeedwyer put poet moon want hear depression moon -People just throw the word depression around.,1,people throw word depression around -Anyway depression might be a bitch but it feels so good to be alive <3,1,anyway depression might bitch feel good alive lt -"@KoschBob @jonathanhatami The great depression saw crime spike to its highest point in the US, especially in regards to theft. When jobs don’t pay enough and costs keep rising, people who aren’t able to lean on supporters or debt resort to crime in order to make it or fall into homelessness & squalor",1,koschbob jonathanhatami great depression saw crime spike highest point u especially regard theft job pay enough cost keep rising people able lean supporter debt resort crime order make fall homelessness amp squalor -Masha Allah! I been dey wait make someone tweet this. Icing tastes like sweetened depression of a person with dissociative amnesia 🤌🏾,1,masha allah dey wait make someone tweet icing taste like sweetened depression person dissociative amnesia -fuck depression when,1,fuck depression -"I wish I had the kind of depression that knocked me out for a few weeks at a time, so that maybe people would actually realize I'm not doing that well. But instead I'm the Olympic champion at masking.",1,wish kind depression knocked week time maybe people would actually realize well instead olympic champion masking -"SORRY ABOUT MESSAGES n such, I have been stewing in my apartment, depression napping. TRYNA WILL MYSELF TO FEEL BETTER though, tomorrow I will try to be functional",1,sorry message n stewing apartment depression napping tryna feel better though tomorrow try functional -@mizzzidc You are spiralling me back into depression with your tweet🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈 https://t.co/A9Hjljkr7P,1,mizzzidc spiralling back depression tweet http co a9hjljkr p -@mizzzidc And you get mind put it here? I hope ur bf or husband to be and his mother is seeing what is awaiting them. Ending it with emotional blackmail of u going into yeye depression. Nonsense!,1,mizzzidc get mind put hope ur bf husband mother seeing awaiting ending emotional blackmail u going yeye depression nonsense -I think I'm just a bother to everyone. I'm going to hurt someone . #depression @Imheret45140132,1,think bother everyone going hurt someone depression imheret 0 -"A blackened sky encroached, tugging behind it my depression.",1,blackened sky encroached tugging behind depression -"@mtee_W @Deolfc @mizzzidc There's a difference between telling her, what's it on twitter for, for God sake, then come here claiming depression. Everything is depression these days.",1,mtee w deolfc mizzzidc difference telling twitter god sake come claiming depression everything depression day -Being border restricted victims day by day we getting engulfed in frustration depression suicidal attempts and much more that we can’t express in words #Depression #FMWangYiSaveIndianStudents #takeusbacktochina 100,1,border restricted victim day day getting engulfed frustration depression suicidal attempt much express word depression fmwangyisaveindianstudents takeusbacktochina 00 -Hidalgo colle une dépression à Limoges. Imaginez à Paris… https://t.co/sRDL5dUkC2,1,hidalgo colle une pression limoges imaginez paris http co srdl dukc -Being border restricted victims day by day we getting engulfed in frustration depression suicidal attempts and much more that we can’t express in words #Depression #FMWangYiSaveIndianStudents #takeusbacktochina 99,1,border restricted victim day day getting engulfed frustration depression suicidal attempt much express word depression fmwangyisaveindianstudents takeusbacktochina 99 -"@Perruchee @PeteBlackLab Her dog had a phantom pregnancy, and after her depression my auntie decided to breed her and only sell puppies to people she knew so the mumma dog will still see them🥺 https://t.co/JvHtIsc5Sf",1,perruchee peteblacklab dog phantom pregnancy depression auntie decided breed sell puppy people knew mumma dog still see http co jvhtisc sf -Birthday depression just has an extra level of spice to it.,1,birthday depression extra level spice -Being border restricted victims day by day we getting engulfed in frustration depression suicidal attempts and much more that we can’t express in words #Depression #FMWangYiSaveIndianStudents #takeusbacktochina 88,1,border restricted victim day day getting engulfed frustration depression suicidal attempt much express word depression fmwangyisaveindianstudents takeusbacktochina -@mizzzidc You just dragged your mum in the mud over a sneaker and you talk about depression? Y'all know how to throw this word around carelessly don't you? Making those who are really depressed look like fools. When y'all are the real fools,1,mizzzidc dragged mum mud sneaker talk depression know throw word around carelessly making really depressed look like fool real fool -Being border restricted victims day by day we getting engulfed in frustration depression suicidal attempts and much more that we can’t express in words #Depression #FMWangYiSaveIndianStudents #takeusbacktochina 77,1,border restricted victim day day getting engulfed frustration depression suicidal attempt much express word depression fmwangyisaveindianstudents takeusbacktochina -An Overview of the Biology of Depression https://t.co/Kia5VEr5uL,1,overview biology depression http co kia ver ul -Being border restricted victims day by day we getting engulfed in frustration depression suicidal attempts and much more that we can’t express in words #Depression #FMWangYiSaveIndianStudents #takeusbacktochina 66,1,border restricted victim day day getting engulfed frustration depression suicidal attempt much express word depression fmwangyisaveindianstudents takeusbacktochina -Being border restricted victims day by day we getting engulfed in frustration depression suicidal attempts and much more that we can’t express in words #Depression #FMWangYiSaveIndianStudents #takeusbacktochina 55,1,border restricted victim day day getting engulfed frustration depression suicidal attempt much express word depression fmwangyisaveindianstudents takeusbacktochina -Being border restricted victims day by day we getting engulfed in frustration depression suicidal attempts and much more that we can’t express in words #Depression #FMWangYiSaveIndianStudents #takeusbacktochina 44,1,border restricted victim day day getting engulfed frustration depression suicidal attempt much express word depression fmwangyisaveindianstudents takeusbacktochina -"@Gaindaswamy ye kon si ameero wali bimari hai, mujhe to sirf depression pata thi",1,gaindaswamy ye kon si ameero wali bimari hai mujhe sirf depression pata thi -Being border restricted victims day by day we getting engulfed in frustration depression suicidal attempts and much more that we can’t express in words #Depression #FMWangYiSaveIndianStudents #takeusbacktochina 33,1,border restricted victim day day getting engulfed frustration depression suicidal attempt much express word depression fmwangyisaveindianstudents takeusbacktochina -Being border restricted victims day by day we getting engulfed in frustration depression suicidal attempts and much more that we can’t express in words #Depression #FMWangYiSaveIndianStudents #takeusbacktochina 22,1,border restricted victim day day getting engulfed frustration depression suicidal attempt much express word depression fmwangyisaveindianstudents takeusbacktochina -"i miss those days where we used to play till we saw the sun go down. now life’s just stress, stress, stress with a huge dollop of depression.",1,miss day used play till saw sun go life stress stress stress huge dollop depression -Being border restricted victims day by day we getting engulfed in frustration depression suicidal attempts and much more that we can’t express in words #Depression #FMWangYiSaveIndianStudents #takeusbacktochina 11,1,border restricted victim day day getting engulfed frustration depression suicidal attempt much express word depression fmwangyisaveindianstudents takeusbacktochina -The funniest part about that tweet is the lady saying her mom wearing her sneakers will spiral her back to depression. Obviously doesn't have real life problem if her mom wearing her shoes sends her into depression.,1,funniest part tweet lady saying mom wearing sneaker spiral back depression obviously real life problem mom wearing shoe sends depression -@gemhostofficial Jwu po from depression nap 🥲,1,gemhostofficial jwu po depression nap -"@PyrOMG Massive depression and sudden musical interludes. ...I have two traits, shut up.",1,pyromg massive depression sudden musical interlude two trait shut -"@ImohUmoren That's where i have a problem not knowing who's is who till i got con of 100usd , con another neighbour of 200k sold the gen in my family house , now have till April end before i get kicked out. All i have now is depression desperation without smoking 😒",1,imohumoren problem knowing till got con 00usd con another neighbour 00k sold gen family house till april end get kicked depression desperation without smoking -"@iamIgboblood @NonyeKings @mizzzidc Likeee, someone who’s depressed with rant, they’ll go low, they won’t even bring it to social media, does she know what depression means? People who’re depressed don’t cap outside",1,iamigboblood nonyekings mizzzidc likeee someone depressed rant go low even bring social medium know depression mean people depressed cap outside -@glamgirlgargiee beleg bur or bhal hoisiii o exam huni huni moi depression t gusi goisiiii,1,glamgirlgargiee beleg bur bhal hoisiii exam huni huni moi depression gusi goisiiii -@Dmurr68 Emotional stability. It will cater to a lot of depression and suicidal situations,1,dmurr emotional stability cater lot depression suicidal situation -"I'm not here to debate y'all. If my takes make you uncomfortable, good. Critical thinking isn't flowery, it's why I have clinical depression. I'm prone to screaming about it into the void.",1,debate take make uncomfortable good critical thinking flowery clinical depression prone screaming void -Why do I feel like I’m being punished for having depression?,1,feel like punished depression -when the depression starts feeling like ruining all your friendships,1,depression start feeling like ruining friendship -4134. Capillarity n. The rise or depression of a liquid in a narrow tube. [french: related to *capillary],1,capillarity n rise depression liquid narrow tube french related capillary -"Well I’ve made it in to college, I may have little makeup on and comfy clothes and drank alcohol to fall asleep last night but at least I’m out of bed I don’t want this depression anymore",1,well made college may little makeup comfy clothes drank alcohol fall asleep last night least bed want depression anymore -@ViennaCeleste_ no Wednesday games with viewers? that’s almost equal to clinical depression :c,1,viennaceleste wednesday game viewer almost equal clinical depression c -Body aches is one of the worst things about depression I HATE IT,1,body ache one worst thing depression hate -@Brother_Silverr @mizzzidc @la_fisto She’s the reason for her own depression and by the way i think she needs therapy on how to keep off from clout.,1,brother silverr mizzzidc la fisto reason depression way think need therapy keep clout -"Just realized that urdu word for depression is “dil-shakistagi” (دل شکستگی), the defeat of heart ; the feeling that whatever wars you were fighting for sanity are lost, your walls are broken and now you need a rescue. Whoever coined it really knew what it felt like :’)",1,realized urdu word depression dil shakistagi defeat heart feeling whatever war fighting sanity lost wall broken need rescue whoever coined really knew felt like -"@mizzzidc “I know this will spiral me back to depression"" Of all things to spiral one back to depression you chose this?! Ya just mental Is your shoe that precious? You own mother fah! Mehn gtfoh",1,mizzzidc know spiral back depression thing spiral one back depression chose ya mental shoe precious mother fah mehn gtfoh -"@Fardachev__ @reasonablemangh @TeleFootball But we were winning things, it was just imaginary depression on part of the football ...they got Ole as manager and what did he do ?? Worse than Moyes.",1,fardachev reasonablemangh telefootball winning thing imaginary depression part football got ole manager worse moyes -@Tutsy22 E say e wan heal from the depression. Tori Bata notori olohun!!!!,1,tutsy e say e wan heal depression torus bata notori olohun -This is beautiful but now I also have depression,1,beautiful also depression -How comedians battle depression and stress in private life Fantegh on Th... https://t.co/gwdy786td4 via @YouTube,1,comedian battle depression stress private life fantegh th http co gwdy td via youtube -7 Important Signs You May Need Help for Depression Now - via @pensignal #MentalHealth #Depression #SelfHelp #Medical #Psychology https://t.co/Y5zDkXGQk1,1,important sign may need help depression via pensignal mentalhealth depression selfhelp medical psychology http co zdkxgqk -"@DktOfficiall I haven’t talked about depression in my post. Kindly read again. But yes, if you feel depressed, kindly seek help!",1,dktofficiall talked depression post kindly read yes feel depressed kindly seek help -"@zerohedge Depression is spelled with a D, not R.",1,zerohedge depression spelled r -Welcome to My Dark Side - via @smedian_network #Life #Parenting #MentalHealth #Depression #Motherhood https://t.co/24kcIU6zDx,1,welcome dark side via smedian network life parenting mentalhealth depression motherhood http co kciu zdx -@Asante_se She is driving herself to depression by being selfish and vicious.,1,asante se driving depression selfish vicious -@AndileGcumisa_ Maybe I underestimate this depression thing...,1,andilegcumisa maybe underestimate depression thing -Shrooms and Chocolate Bar edibles… good for depression and anxiety ht https://t.co/dZ9jxHAanT,1,shrooms chocolate bar edible good depression anxiety ht http co dz9jxhaant -@mizzzidc What nonsense! Disrespect your mom then dangle depression. Toxic human!,1,mizzzidc nonsense disrespect mom dangle depression toxic human -@diljan_sidhu @SamHaig90142496 @FigEnabler His severe depression says otherwise.,1,diljan sidhu samhaig90 9 figenabler severe depression say otherwise -@cahmo__ Done condone nonsense in your marriage oo. That’s how most women slip into depression. Your life must not revolve around your man. Them no born two of una together. If he loves and respects you he won’t drag you in the poteaux poteaux,1,cahmo done condone nonsense marriage oo woman slip depression life must revolve around man born two una together love respect drag poteaux poteaux -"@Tutsy22 U are minding her, she come say she won enter depression, I said happy depression IJMN, ungrateful soul.",1,tutsy u minding come say enter depression said happy depression ijmn ungrateful soul -@erdbeerquaark Und morgen Depression friday ✌️🤠🔫,1,erdbeerquaark und morgen depression friday -@MedFitBlondie Brain-altering. Moods. Depression. Anger. No way. God bless you.,1,medfitblondie brain altering mood depression anger way god bless -everyone subtweeting their s/o saying sad shit is a fucking goober please save some of your depression for when bong bong wins,1,everyone subtweeting saying sad shit fucking goober please save depression bong bong win -Said he had fallen into a depression. “The two-day curfew and all the explosions have got to me. I had so many plans for this year and now they are gone.”,1,said fallen depression two day curfew explosion got many plan year gone -you ever see your depression dread and feel kinda racist,1,ever see depression dread feel kinda racist -"@UnkleAyo I just hate it when toxic people play the depression card, after hurting another person. If one has truly struggled with deep sadness, hurting another person would be the least in your agenda, unless you're a psycho...",1,unkleayo hate toxic people play depression card hurting another person one truly struggled deep sadness hurting another person would least agenda unless psycho -@EleyVanBow @JamesGRickards When the Russian economy enters recession then depression and the ruble continues to get hammered the Russian people will find solace in the fact that their central bank bought gold the last couple years. 🤡,1,eleyvanbow jamesgrickards russian economy enters recession depression ruble continues get hammered russian people find solace fact central bank bought gold last couple year -I ended my depression when I stopped procrastinating [Free Ebook Unlock Your Power] via /r/FreeEBOOKS https://t.co/V36WWLg56p,1,ended depression stopped procrastinating free ebook unlock power via r freeebooks http co v wwlg p -post concert depression<<<barmi mas,1,post concert depression lt lt lt barmi ma -"@mompontet je savais qu'il était en pleine dépression, mais ça n'excuse pas tout",1,mompontet je savais qu il tait en pleine pression mais n excuse pa tout -"5 years ago, i was a grade 8 student. this is probably the funniest class i have ever had before diving in to depression next school year. https://t.co/u26UfvP4EA",1,year ago grade student probably funniest class ever diving depression next school year http co u ufvp ea -I hate when the sadness creeps in on me depression b like 'time to over-think about and worry about everything and remember how alone u are u are a huge disappointment' 😔 it takes so much out of me to build myself up sometimes,1,hate sadness creep depression b like time think worry everything remember alone u u huge disappointment take much build sometimes -"Your mom deserves a better child than you, you said she forgot them not intentionally leave them there so why are you barking and degrading your mom in public for some clout? Hope the depression is the end of you btw ✌️",1,mom deserves better child said forgot intentionally leave barking degrading mom public clout hope depression end btw -"No online class for upcoming class 10th..there must be both option of both online and offline classes whole year....online class leads to stress,depression and pressure..incomplete course and offline exams..this is not fair at all @SMEOdisha",1,online class upcoming class 0th must option online offline class whole year online class lead stress depression pressure incomplete course offline exam fair smeodisha -I have tuned in into Pak v Aus Sadness-Depression trophy series.,1,tuned pak v au sadness depression trophy series -"Imma just give a heads up incase my brain wants to fuck me over more in the next few hours, im in a really rough spot mentally rn so tweets will be really weird, sad, funny or just irl bs?? Idk expect fuck shit here and there mixed with depression, it's hittin hard",1,imma give head incase brain want fuck next hour im really rough spot mentally rn tweet really weird sad funny irl b idk expect fuck shit mixed depression hittin hard -Every time I do life drawing at my old uni after work it’s a mix of relief and relaxation getting to have a creative outlet and extreme sadness and depression wanting to learn and enjoy drawing again knowing I don’t fit in and I’ll be overwhelmed and break down again if I tried,1,every time life drawing old uni work mix relief relaxation getting creative outlet extreme sadness depression wanting learn enjoy drawing knowing fit overwhelmed break tried -"@Midwest2 Republicans called themselves ""progressive"" then. Democrats were mostly ""conservative"" til FDR, when things changed, cuz the previous 12 yrs, Harding-Coolidge-Hoover, had been anything but ""progressive"". Dems became more liberal, in the Depression, republicans more hidebound ...",1,midwest republican called progressive democrat mostly conservative til fdr thing changed cuz previous yr harding coolidge hoover anything progressive dems became liberal depression republican hidebound -I get so many things done when I’m not in a depression episode,1,get many thing done depression episode -"@MrrHolmes Photography, film photography, movies, depression, Abel, good taste 🤌🏼, just being chill",1,mrrholmes photography film photography movie depression abel good taste chill -Depression is real ladies lere Jesa pay tsa rona bohloko😭😭😭😭😂😂,1,depression real lady lere jesa pay tsa rona bohloko -"👆Among children in OHC, 61.9% diagnosed with psych/neurodev disorder, compared with 18.0% among those never in OHC. The most common disorders among children in OHC were depression, anxiety disorders, neurodev disorders, oppositional defiant disorder/conduct disorder (ODD/CD).",1,among child ohc 9 diagnosed psych neurodev disorder compared 0 among never ohc common disorder among child ohc depression anxiety disorder neurodev disorder oppositional defiant disorder conduct disorder odd cd -@BolajiOyebode Depression cos your mama wear your Bata 😂😂😂 Where are these people from,1,bolajioyebode depression co mama wear bata people -"There is 5 stages of grief denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.",1,stage grief denial anger bargaining depression acceptance -"It was just who I am. A reason behind the way my mind worked. It doesn’t make the depression sting any less, but it makes it bearable. To know that this is just a way of life, one I don’t have to spend every second trying to push away, but to learn to move together.",1,reason behind way mind worked make depression sting le make bearable know way life one spend every second trying push away learn move together -"@emilthedk @zebragrun So ist es auf dem Gymnasium meiner Jungs auch. Zwei Mädchen ritzen sich, eine mit Depression momentan in der Klinik, zwei Jungs nicht mehr beschulbar. Klassenstufen 9 und EF. Und das, was wir mitbekommen, ist sicher nur die Spitze des Eisbergs. Es ist furchtbar.",1,emilthedk zebragrun ist e auf dem gymnasium meiner jung auch zwei dchen ritzen sich eine mit depression momentan der klinik zwei jung nicht mehr beschulbar klassenstufen 9 und ef und da wir mitbekommen ist sicher nur die spitze de eisbergs e ist furchtbar -"@RyanGTweetsTV I absolutely agree! It seems like he's running away from the issue here, rather than facing it head on. Stacey made it very clear how dangerous mania can get, and the depression that follows, yet he choose to basically run away. I think you may be right about Harvey's wife..",1,ryangtweetstv absolutely agree seems like running away issue rather facing head stacey made clear dangerous mania get depression follows yet choose basically run away think may right harvey wife -"Mushroom capsule available full dose for people suffering from serve depression, anxiety & serve pain #MentalHealthMatters #mentalhealth #NFTGiveaways #psychedelic https://t.co/Wty1f7NMuE",1,mushroom capsule available full dose people suffering serve depression anxiety amp serve pain mentalhealthmatters mentalhealth nftgiveaways psychedelic http co wty f nmue -Not this werey playing the depression card. 🤣🤣🤣🤣,1,werey playing depression card -@mizzzidc I hope you kee yourself with that depression,1,mizzzidc hope kee depression -"@SkyNews @JayneSeckerSky @RishiSunak There are two meanings for depression, and we are heading for both",1,skynews jayneseckersky rishisunak two meaning depression heading -@Brown_Eyed_Gyel That's not depression dude... that's being UPSET. https://t.co/oFSHzqrKA0,1,brown eyed gyel depression dude upset http co ofshzqrka0 -oh hey. it's the depression hour,1,oh hey depression hour -Pogba a re re mo tsentse depression,1,pogba mo tsentse depression -I am not an ecomomist..but I was hit by the last recession...to me i feel this will be more like recession/ depression . I was above my level in high school for this field...hang on to your money.,1,ecomomist hit last recession feel like recession depression level high school field hang money -#HelpSophia Mein Bahut Depression mein hun maam For Money Plz give me 40k I will return u .....your money in few months Plz... Mam,1,helpsophia mein bahut depression mein hun maam money plz give 0k return u money month plz mam -DMT powder 🍄🔥🔥🔥 helping with depression & anxiety #DMT #psychedelics #NFTGiveaways #mentalhealth #mushroomhead https://t.co/XjIxIUInUn,1,dmt powder helping depression amp anxiety dmt psychedelics nftgiveaways mentalhealth mushroomhead http co xjixiuinun -"@divya_gandotra To be in continuous state of doubt, anxiety and depression. That's their motto, it seems 🤷",1,divya gandotra continuous state doubt anxiety depression motto seems -"@Thlolo15March2 Eh it's because I don't want stress, mjolo uyi depression",1,thlolo march eh want stress mjolo uyi depression -I hate it when I'm having depression day and then something I wrote gets published. Like I'm sad but also happy but also guilty for being sad brain bitch what do u want,1,hate depression day something wrote get published like sad also happy also guilty sad brain bitch u want -Educational depression 😭😭,1,educational depression -DMT powder 🍄🔥🔥🔥 helping with depression & anxiety #DMT #psychedelics #NFTGiveaways #mentalhealth #mushroomhead https://t.co/1RErydSu91,1,dmt powder helping depression amp anxiety dmt psychedelics nftgiveaways mentalhealth mushroomhead http co rerydsu9 -The Great Depression หายนะทางการเงินครั้งใหญ่ที่สุดของโลก | Money Armageddon EP01 https://t.co/1b96lryf5N,1,great depression money armageddon ep0 http co b9 lryf n -"@switchfoot http://twitpic.com/2y1zl - Awww, that's a bummer. You shoulda got David Carr of Third Day to do it. ;D",0,switchfoot http twitpic com zl awww bummer shoulda got david carr third day -is upset that he can't update his Facebook by texting it... and might cry as a result School today also. Blah!,0,upset update facebook texting might cry result school today also blah -@Kenichan I dived many times for the ball. Managed to save 50% The rest go out of bounds,0,kenichan dived many time ball managed save 0 rest go bound -my whole body feels itchy and like its on fire ,0,whole body feel itchy like fire -"@nationwideclass no, it's not behaving at all. i'm mad. why am i here? because I can't see you all over there. ",0,nationwideclass behaving mad see -@Kwesidei not the whole crew ,0,kwesidei whole crew -Need a hug ,0,need hug -"@LOLTrish hey long time no see! Yes.. Rains a bit ,only a bit LOL , I'm fine thanks , how's you ?",0,loltrish hey long time see yes rain bit bit lol fine thanks -@Tatiana_K nope they didn't have it ,0,tatiana k nope -@twittera que me muera ? ,0,twittera que muera -spring break in plain city... it's snowing ,0,spring break plain city snowing -I just re-pierced my ears ,0,pierced ear -@caregiving I couldn't bear to watch it. And I thought the UA loss was embarrassing . . . . .,0,caregiving bear watch thought ua loss embarrassing -"@octolinz16 It it counts, idk why I did either. you never talk to me anymore ",0,octolinz count idk either never talk anymore -"@smarrison i would've been the first, but i didn't have a gun. not really though, zac snyder's just a doucheclown.",0,smarrison would first gun really though zac snyder doucheclown -@iamjazzyfizzle I wish I got to watch it with you!! I miss you and @iamlilnicki how was the premiere?!,0,iamjazzyfizzle wish got watch miss iamlilnicki premiere -Hollis' death scene will hurt me severely to watch on film wry is directors cut not out now?,0,hollis death scene hurt severely watch film wry director cut -about to file taxes ,0,file tax -@LettyA ahh ive always wanted to see rent love the soundtrack!!,0,lettya ahh ive always wanted see rent love soundtrack -@FakerPattyPattz Oh dear. Were you drinking out of the forgotten table drinks? ,0,fakerpattypattz oh dear drinking forgotten table drink -@alydesigns i was out most of the day so didn't get much done ,0,alydesigns day get much done -"one of my friend called me, and asked to meet with her at Mid Valley today...but i've no time *sigh* ",0,one friend called asked meet mid valley today time sigh -@angry_barista I baked you a cake but I ated it ,0,angry barista baked cake ated -this week is not going as i had hoped ,0,week going hoped -blagh class at 8 tomorrow ,0,blagh class tomorrow -I hate when I have to call and wake people up ,0,hate call wake people -Just going to cry myself to sleep after watching Marley and Me. ,0,going cry sleep watching marley -im sad now Miss.Lilly,0,im sad miss lilly -ooooh.... LOL that leslie.... and ok I won't do it again so leslie won't get mad again ,0,ooooh lol leslie ok leslie get mad -Meh... Almost Lover is the exception... this track gets me depressed every time. ,0,meh almost lover exception track get depressed every time -some1 hacked my account on aim now i have to make a new one,0,hacked account aim make new one -@alielayus I want to go to promote GEAR AND GROOVE but unfornately no ride there I may b going to the one in Anaheim in May though,0,alielayus want go promote gear groove unfornately ride may b going one anaheim may though -thought sleeping in was an option tomorrow but realizing that it now is not. evaluations in the morning and work in the afternoon! ,0,thought sleeping option tomorrow realizing evaluation morning work afternoon -@julieebaby awe i love you too!!!! 1 am here i miss you,0,julieebaby awe love miss -@HumpNinja I cry my asian eyes to sleep at night ,0,humpninja cry asian eye sleep night -ok I'm sick and spent an hour sitting in the shower cause I was too sick to stand and held back the puke like a champ. BED now ,0,ok sick spent hour sitting shower cause sick stand held back puke like champ bed -@cocomix04 ill tell ya the story later not a good day and ill be workin for like three more hours...,0,cocomix0 ill tell ya story later good day ill workin like three hour -@MissXu sorry! bed time came here (GMT+1) http://is.gd/fNge,0,missxu sorry bed time came gmt http gd fnge -@fleurylis I don't either. Its depressing. I don't think I even want to know about the kids in suitcases. ,0,fleurylis either depressing think even want know kid suitcase -Bed. Class 8-12. Work 12-3. Gym 3-5 or 6. Then class 6-10. Another day that's gonna fly by. I miss my girlfriend ,0,bed class work gym class 0 another day gon na fly miss girlfriend -really don't feel like getting up today... but got to study to for tomorrows practical exam... ,0,really feel like getting today got study tomorrow practical exam -He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar the only one who has enough of me to break my heart ,0,reason teardrop guitar one enough break heart -"Sad, sad, sad. I don't know why but I hate this feeling I wanna sleep and I still can't!",0,sad sad sad know hate feeling wan na sleep still -@JonathanRKnight Awww I soo wish I was there to see you finally comfortable! Im sad that I missed it ,0,jonathanrknight awww soo wish see finally comfortable im sad missed -Falling asleep. Just heard about that Tracy girl's body being found. How sad My heart breaks for that family.,0,falling asleep heard tracy girl body found sad heart break family -@Viennah Yay! I'm happy for you with your job! But that also means less time for me and you... ,0,viennah yay happy job also mean le time -"Just checked my user timeline on my blackberry, it looks like the twanking is still happening Are ppl still having probs w/ BGs and UIDs?",0,checked user timeline blackberry look like twanking still happening ppl still probs w bgs uids -Oh man...was ironing @jeancjumbe's fave top to wear to a meeting. Burnt it ,0,oh man ironing jeancjumbe fave top wear meeting burnt -is strangely sad about LiLo and SamRo breaking up. ,0,strangely sad lilo samro breaking -@tea oh! i'm so sorry i didn't think about that before retweeting.,0,tea oh sorry think retweeting -Broadband plan 'a massive broken promise' http://tinyurl.com/dcuc33 via www.diigo.com/~tautao Still waiting for broadband we are ,0,broadband plan massive broken promise http tinyurl com dcuc via www diigo com tautao still waiting broadband -"@localtweeps Wow, tons of replies from you, may have to unfollow so I can see my friends' tweets, you're scrolling the feed a lot. ",0,localtweeps wow ton reply may unfollow see friend tweet scrolling feed lot -our duck and chicken are taking wayyy too long to hatch ,0,duck chicken taking wayyy long hatch -"Put vacation photos online a few yrs ago. PC crashed, and now I forget the name of the site. ",0,put vacation photo online yr ago pc crashed forget name site -I need a hug ,0,need hug -"@andywana Not sure what they are, only that they are PoS! As much as I want to, I dont think can trade away company assets sorry andy! ",0,andywana sure po much want dont think trade away company asset sorry andy -@oanhLove I hate when that happens... ,0,oanhlove hate happens -"I have a sad feeling that Dallas is not going to show up I gotta say though, you'd think more shows would use music from the game. mmm",0,sad feeling dallas going show got ta say though think show would use music game mmm -Ugh....92 degrees tomorrow ,0,ugh 9 degree tomorrow -Where did u move to? I thought u were already in sd. ?? Hmmm. Random u found me. Glad to hear yer doing well.,0,u move thought u already sd hmmm random u found glad hear yer well -"@BatManYNG I miss my ps3, it's out of commission Wutcha playing? Have you copped 'Blood On The Sand'?",0,batmanyng miss p commission wutcha playing copped blood sand -just leaving the parking lot of work! ,0,leaving parking lot work -The Life is cool. But not for Me. ,0,life cool -"Sadly though, I've never gotten to experience the post coitus cigarette before, and now I never will. ",0,sadly though never gotten experience post coitus cigarette never -I had such a nice day. Too bad the rain comes in tomorrow at 5am ,0,nice day bad rain come tomorrow -@Starrbby too bad I won't be around I lost my job and can't even pay my phone bill lmao aw shucks ,0,starrbby bad around lost job even pay phone bill lmao aw shuck -Damm back to school tomorrow ,0,damm back school tomorrow -"Mo jobs, no money. how in the hell is min wage here 4 f'n clams an hour?",0,mo job money hell min wage f n clam hour -@katortiz Not forever... See you soon!,0,katortiz forever see soon -"@Lt_Algonquin agreed, I saw the failwhale allllll day today. ",0,lt algonquin agreed saw failwhale allllll day today -@jdarter Oh! Haha... dude I dont really look at em unless someone says HEY I ADDED YOU. Sorry I'm so terrible at that. I need a pop up!,0,jdarter oh haha dude dont really look em unless someone say hey added sorry terrible need pop -@ninjen I'm sure you're right... I need to start working out with you and the Nikster... Or Jared at least!,0,ninjen sure right need start working nikster jared least -i really hate how people diss my bands! Trace is clearly NOT ugly!,0,really hate people dis band trace clearly ugly -"Gym attire today was: Puma singlet, Adidas shorts.......and black business socks and leather shoes Lucky did not run into any cute girls.",0,gym attire today puma singlet adidas short black business sock leather shoe lucky run cute girl -Why won't you show my location?! http://twitpic.com/2y2es,0,show location http twitpic com e -No picnic my phone smells like citrus.,0,picnic phone smell like citrus -"@ashleyac My donkey is sensitive about such comments. Nevertheless, he'd (and me'd) be glad to see your mug asap. Charger is still awol. ",0,ashleyac donkey sensitive comment nevertheless glad see mug asap charger still awol -No new csi tonight. FML,0,new csi tonight fml -i think my arms are sore from tennis ,0,think arm sore tennis -wonders why someone that u like so much can make you so unhappy in a split seccond . depressed . ,0,wonder someone u like much make unhappy split seccond depressed -sleep soon... i just hate saying bye and see you tomorrow for the night. ,0,sleep soon hate saying bye see tomorrow night -"@statravelAU just got ur newsletter, those fares really are unbelievable, shame I already booked and paid for mine ",0,statravelau got ur newsletter fare really unbelievable shame already booked paid mine -missin' the boo ,0,missin boo -@markhardy1974 Me too #itm,0,markhardy 9 itm -Damn... I don't have any chalk! MY CHALKBOARD IS USELESS ,0,damn chalk chalkboard useless -"had a blast at the Getty Villa, but hates that she's had a sore throat all day. It's just getting worse too ",0,blast getty villa hate sore throat day getting worse -@msdrama hey missed ya at the meeting sup mama,0,msdrama hey missed ya meeting sup mama -"My tummy hurts. I wonder if the hypnosis has anything to do with it? If so, it's working, I get it, STOP SMOKING!!!",0,tummy hurt wonder hypnosis anything working get stop smoking -why is it always the fat ones?! ,0,always fat one -"@januarycrimson Sorry, babe!! My fam annoys me too. Thankfully, they're asleep right now. Muahaha. *evil laugh*",0,januarycrimson sorry babe fam annoys thankfully asleep right muahaha evil laugh -@Hollywoodheat I should have paid more attention when we covered photoshop in my webpage design class in undergrad ,0,hollywoodheat paid attention covered photoshop webpage design class undergrad -wednesday my b-day! don't know what 2 do!! ,0,wednesday b day know -Poor cameron (the hills) ,0,poor cameron hill -"pray for me please, the ex is threatening to start sh** at my/our babies 1st Birthday party. what a jerk. and I still have a headache ",0,pray please ex threatening start sh baby st birthday party jerk still headache -"@makeherfamous hmm , do u really enjoy being with him ? if the problems are too constants u should think things more , find someone ulike",0,makeherfamous hmm u really enjoy problem constant u think thing find someone ulike -Strider is a sick little puppy http://apps.facebook.com/dogbook/profile/view/5248435,0,strider sick little puppy http apps facebook com dogbook profile view -"so rylee,grace...wana go steve's party or not?? SADLY SINCE ITS EASTER I WNT B ABLE 2 DO MUCH BUT OHH WELL.....",0,rylee grace wana go steve party sadly since easter wnt b able much ohh well -"hey, I actually won one of my bracket pools! Too bad it wasn't the one for money ",0,hey actually one bracket pool bad one money -"@stark YOU don't follow me, either and i work for you!",0,stark follow either work -A bad nite for the favorite teams: Astros and Spartans lose. The nite out with T.W. was good.,0,bad nite favorite team astros spartan lose nite w good - Body Of Missing Northern Calif. Girl Found: Police have found the remains of a missing Northern California girl .. http://tr.im/imji,0,body missing northern calif girl found police found remains missing northern california girl http tr im imji -"@mangaaa I hope they will increase the capacity fast, yesterday was such a pain. Got the fail whale +15 times in 2 hours.... ",0,mangaaa hope increase capacity fast yesterday pain got fail whale time hour -Behind on my classes for work ,0,behind class work -watching "House" ,0,watching quot house quot -@kpreyes Remember my bum leg? Strikes back this time its serious ,0,kpreyes remember bum leg strike back time serious -"@paradisej cool, i will. their are all kinds of complaints about this laptop online about overheating, but no recalls ",0,paradisej cool kind complaint laptop online overheating recall -Emily will be glad when Mommy is done training at her new job. She misses her. http://apps.facebook.com/dogbook/profile/view/6176014,0,emily glad mommy done training new job miss http apps facebook com dogbook profile view 0 -would rather the first party send bad messages than the 3rd party send mixed ones Sophmore year all over again?,0,would rather first party send bad message rd party send mixed one sophmore year -@Henkuyinepu it's overrated ,0,henkuyinepu overrated -@marykatherine_q i know! I heard it this afternoon and wondered the same thing. Moscow is so behind the times ,0,marykatherine q know heard afternoon wondered thing moscow behind time -laying in bed with no voice.. ,0,laying bed voice -I'm sooo sad!!! they killed off Kutner on House whyyyyyyyy,0,sooo sad killed kutner house whyyyyyyyy -@jacobsummers Sorry tell them mea culpa from me and that I really am sorry.,0,jacobsummers sorry tell mea culpa really sorry -"@Alliana07 it didn't make any sense to me, the suicide thing. I refuse to believe that that is actually what happened. ",0,alliana0 make sense suicide thing refuse believe actually happened -@salancaster hope your ok.,0,salancaster hope ok -@mercedesashley Damn! The grind is inspirational and saddening at the same time. Don't want you to stop cuz I like what u do! Much love,0,mercedesashley damn grind inspirational saddening time want stop cuz like u much love -@HibaNick yeah aw but i know i wudnt stand a chance ,0,hibanick yeah aw know wudnt stand chance -ugh. cant sleep. its 1:30am. ,0,ugh cant sleep 0am -Hanging in Crooners. Wanna sing. Can't. Sucks. ,0,hanging crooner wan na sing suck -@eRRe_sC aaw i miss ya all too.. im leaving to BH tomorrow "morning" i think.. aww i wanna go to the beach w u girls!! ,0,erre sc aaw miss ya im leaving bh tomorrow quot morning quot think aww wan na go beach w u girl -Is pissed off that there's no ASBA's for a radio station. ,0,pissed asba radio station -wednesday my b-day n don't know what 2 do! ,0,wednesday b day n know -I know my life has been flipped upside down when I just thought in my head that some Ramen sounds good. ,0,know life flipped upside thought head ramen sound good -I am in pain. My back and sides hurt. Not to mention crying is made of fail. ,0,pain back side hurt mention cry made fail -"Late night snack, glass of OJ b/c I'm "down with the sickness", then back to sleep...ugh I hate getting sick... ",0,late night snack glass oj b c quot sickness quot back sleep ugh hate getting sick -@allyheman but.. but.. but.. I'm not a big fan on camilla belle ,0,allyheman big fan camilla belle -"@grum WAH I can't see clip, must be el-stupido work filters. Can't wait 'till I get a 'puter. Something else 2 blame ex 4. He broke mine ",0,grum wah see clip must el stupido work filter wait till get puter something else blame ex broke mine -This week just seems to get longer and longer in terms of how much I need to do.. and how much I'm actually going to get done ,0,week seems get longer longer term much need much actually going get done -I'm so cold ,0,cold -@thecoolestout Ehhh don't. Weather's gonna take a turn for the ugly tomorrow ,0,thecoolestout ehhh weather gon na take turn ugly tomorrow -@chelserlynn haha its so cooooold in the d! and no but you should still go to the show. they do some incredible stuff,0,chelserlynn haha cooooold still go show incredible stuff -Hoping the tummy rumbles go away soon ,0,hoping tummy rumble go away soon -"@Knights_ No, no notice. They told me I'd be working tomorrow, and then I called the agency to follow up and they said it was over. ",0,knight notice told working tomorrow called agency follow said -almost bedtime ,0,almost bedtime -I'm missing you babe.. but as long as your alive I'm happy.. Yawwwnn.. I'm tired my love imma try to sleep hopefully you had a headstart,0,missing babe long alive happy yawwwnn tired love imma try sleep hopefully headstart -Agh...snow!!! ,0,agh snow -i miss kenny powers ,0,miss kenny power -"@BridgetsBeaches Thank you for letting people know, but now I'm sad that the direct message I got wasn't actually from Bridget ",0,bridgetsbeaches thank letting people know sad direct message got actually bridget -"...and, India missed out its 100th Test victory n 10th consecutive win without a loss. ",0,india missed 00th test victory n 0th consecutive win without loss -@JonathanRKnight I guess that's a no then. ,0,jonathanrknight guess -sadly is going to bed. ,0,sadly going bed -@ozesteph1992 Shame to hear this Stephan ,0,ozesteph 99 shame hear stephan -@mrsaintnick hey! i'm leavin in the morning... ,0,mrsaintnick hey leavin morning -"Was intending to finish editing my 536-page novel manuscript tonight, but that will probably not happen. And only 12 pages are left ",0,intending finish editing page novel manuscript tonight probably happen page left -laid around too much today... now my head hurts ,0,laid around much today head hurt -@twista202 I still haven't read the 9th&10th Princess diaries Saving Francesca made me cry at the end. Hmm those are easy books.,0,twista 0 still read 9th amp 0th princess diary saving francesca made cry end hmm easy book -my nokia 1110 died.. ,0,nokia 0 died -My mom might have breast cancer won't find out anything for. Like a week I'm so worried! ,0,mom might breast cancer find anything like week worried -Going to sleep. Hoping tomorrow is a better day. ,0,going sleep hoping tomorrow better day -@rumblepurr lol.. wish they understood daylight savings has ended though and breakfast is an hour later They keep waking the kids up too,0,rumblepurr lol wish understood daylight saving ended though breakfast hour later keep waking kid -@onemoreproject that is lame ,0,onemoreproject lame -I don't understand... I really don't ,0,understand really -HEROES just isn't doing it for me this season... ,0,hero season -Living not downtown sure isn't much fun. ,0,living downtown sure much fun -@jonathanchard Not calorie wise I wish junk food was calorie free! I ate a thing of sour skittles and a big ass cherry coke!,0,jonathanchard calorie wise wish junk food calorie free ate thing sour skittle big as cherry coke -Man Work is Hard ,0,man work hard -"getting sick time for some hot tea, studying, and then sleeeep",0,getting sick time hot tea studying sleeeep -Getting eyebrows waxed. More pain ,0,getting eyebrow waxed pain -No phantasy star yesterday going to work...,0,phantasy star yesterday going work -Oh - Just got all my MacHeist 3.0 apps - sweet. Didn't get the Espresso serial no though although they said they sent it - oh well ,0,oh got macheist 0 apps sweet get espresso serial though although said sent oh well -Picked Mich St to win it all from the get go. Was feeling pretty good about that pick all the way up until......tonight. A's lost too ,0,picked mich st win get go feeling pretty good pick way tonight lost -is alone downstairs...working ,0,alone downstairs working -I feel bad for doing it ,0,feel bad -"@RyanSeacrest is it just me, or she hates anoop. i mean seriously, she's kinda mean to him. ",0,ryanseacrest hate anoop mean seriously kinda mean -@pinkserendipity yes sprint has 4g only in baltimore and chicago so far ,0,pinkserendipity yes sprint g baltimore chicago far -I'm stuck awake in the middle of the night for the second day in a row. And I felt terrible yesterday. ,0,stuck awake middle night second day row felt terrible yesterday -Thanks for bursting my bubble ,0,thanks bursting bubble -Going to school soon... can't find anything to wear!! gosh it's so hard ,0,going school soon find anything wear gosh hard -@marieclr I was serious LOL,0,marieclr serious lol -@naughtyhaughty I had on my page for sooooo long!!! Until it got deleted Sad day in history,0,naughtyhaughty page sooooo long got deleted sad day history -Crazy wind today = no birding http://ff.im/1XTTi,0,crazy wind today birding http ff im xtti -currently at work.. ,0,currently work -Grrr.. my ipods acting weird too! Jai ho and thinking of you aren't playing the full songs.. ughh. ,0,grrr ipod acting weird jai ho thinking playing full song ughh -@penndbad send me the DVD cos I have missed out on heaps NOT happy about that!,0,penndbad send dvd co missed heap happy -i don't see the big deal with this website ,0,see big deal website -@machineplay I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. Again. #therapyfail,0,machineplay sorry go therapyfail -@ColinDeMar Far too out of the way for rail. any other tips?,0,colindemar far way rail tip -I'm not still up I swear. Why do I keep losing. gaining. losing. gaining. tweeps? So heart wrenching.,0,still swear keep losing gaining losing gaining tweeps heart wrenching -"Today I realized I am too good at hiding things, even I can't find it ",0,today realized good hiding thing even find -"Staying at a friends house...house sitting, neighbors are SO loud-having a party ",0,staying friend house house sitting neighbor loud party -@dannyvegasbaby danny im upset that i wasnt here to watch the live chat i was in a car. for 3 hours on a trip im soooo upset!!,0,dannyvegasbaby danny im upset wasnt watch live chat car hour trip im soooo upset -Check out my mug http://www.erika-obscura.blogspot.com,0,check mug http www erika obscura blogspot com -Borders closed at 10 ,0,border closed 0 -Downloading NIN's new album "the slip" - when the hell did this come out? I'm so behind the times these days ,0,downloading nin new album quot slip quot hell come behind time day -Just woke up an already have written some e-mail... I've to go early at University today as I have to teach at 8:30 AM! ,0,woke already written e mail go early university today teach 0 -is watching the hill . . .and its making me sad ,0,watching hill making sad -So many channels.... yet so so boring... lazy day again may have to find a hobby,0,many channel yet boring lazy day may find hobby -@supersport I miss my buddy ill be in NY on the 25th,0,supersport miss buddy ill ny th -@robluketic love the french. I tell people here in the south i'm qtr. french and they snarl at me. french are beautiful people,0,robluketic love french tell people south qtr french snarl french beautiful people -Opps.. As I said.. I still got one day remain and now problem come ,0,opps said still got one day remain problem come -"I activated my Selfcontrol block early, meaning I can't check out the new QC. Regularizing my internal clock is might be difficult. #fb",0,activated selfcontrol block early meaning check new qc regularizing internal clock might difficult fb -@HillyDoP oH NO,0,hillydop oh -spencer is not a good guy. ,0,spencer good guy -"@goodlaura What about Reese dying on #TTSC? And season finale next week. #24 boring, Madame President is a crazy woman.",0,goodlaura reese dying ttsc season finale next week boring madame president crazy woman -"@JonathanRKnight I hate the limited letters,too.Hope you and the guys are fine?I pray for my dog,she�s not well ",0,jonathanrknight hate limited letter hope guy fine pray dog well -didn't get shit done today ~ i'm so screwed ,0,get shit done today screwed -wanttss to go out ,0,wanttss go -Is not going to sleep tonite. ,0,going sleep tonite -too worried and tired to post tonight ,0,worried tired post tonight -couldn't get shit done today ~ i'm so screwed ,0,get shit done today screwed -"Job Interview in Cardiff today, wish me luck! Got about 3 hours sleep ",0,job interview cardiff today wish luck got hour sleep -"@stustone Your show is whack. Way worse than whack, it's wiggety-whack. :*(:*(:*(",0,stustone show whack way worse whack wiggety whack -@DjAlizay I really don't think people choose to be that way. But I think he chose not to accept my family's help He might be dead by now,0,djalizay really think people choose way think chose accept family help might dead -"@eloquentembrace You're going to kill me, but I've not seen DS9. I've been waiting till I can do it in one solid week sitting. ",0,eloquentembrace going kill seen ds9 waiting till one solid week sitting -@cheechbud i think ur right!! hahaha!! 4.5 hrs now!! ,0,cheechbud think ur right hahaha hr -i hate to see the spartans so sad ,0,hate see spartan sad -My mind and body are severely protesting this "getting up" thing. Had nightmares to boot ,0,mind body severely protesting quot getting quot thing nightmare boot -"@MySteezRadio I'm goin' to follow u, since u didn't LOL GO ANGELS!",0,mysteezradio goin follow u since u lol go angel -@mandayyy ,0,mandayyy -@twista202 I think I want to read some books but the library doesn't have them ,0,twista 0 think want read book library -My nap was interrupted so many times today Going out for Japanese with the 'rents again...,0,nap interrupted many time today going japanese rent -Kind of longs for the bus that shows up at the end of Ghost World right now. Ugh. ,0,kind longs bus show end ghost world right ugh -@GuruMN but this is canada canada is weird. we're supposed to get snow through wednesday. ugh.,0,gurumn canada canada weird supposed get snow wednesday ugh -Awwh babs... you look so sad underneith that shop entrance of "Yesterday's Musik" O-: I like the look of the new transformer movie ,0,awwh babs look sad underneith shop entrance quot yesterday musik quot like look new transformer movie -sad that the 'feet' of my macbook just fell off ,0,sad foot macbook fell -I'm gonna get up late tomorrow and it's 132am here. I gonna get tipsy by my lonesome. That's...that's just sad ,0,gon na get late tomorrow gon na get tipsy lonesome sad -"I'm sweating my forthcoming trip to E3. If I can't find someone to crash with while I'm out there, I may be screwed. ",0,sweating forthcoming trip e find someone crash may screwed -"Has now gotten somebody to read his tweets, but cant get them to make an account. ",0,gotten somebody read tweet cant get make account -@infinitydefines omgawd i couldnt handle my cat being in heat all the time D: D:,0,infinitydefines omgawd couldnt handle cat heat time -@DonnieWahlberg I hope i can make it to the auburn show. but its not looking good for me ,0,donniewahlberg hope make auburn show looking good -@David_Henrie *thats people mag haha i couldnt fit it all in.. i dont think those pictures ever made it in the magazine tho! haha,0,david henrie thats people mag haha couldnt fit dont think picture ever made magazine tho haha -@breadandbadger Congrats!! i totally forgot to submit photos ,0,breadandbadger congrats totally forgot submit photo -"@PaulaAbdul awww, Good luck Paula!! Please don't work too hard but I hope you have fun Your new album is gonna be amazing! xxx",0,paulaabdul awww good luck paula please work hard hope fun new album gon na amazing xxx -@imaginarypeach now your leaving me .... -gets sad-,0,imaginarypeach leaving get sad -"I miss you twitter. My phone broke, now I'm using a stupid Nokia phone. Ughhh, I miss my advance phone. ",0,miss twitter phone broke using stupid nokia phone ughhh miss advance phone -SHOOTING OUTSIDE MY HOUSE :O NOT KIDDING! So SCARED ,0,shooting outside house kidding scared -Tuesday�ll start with reflection �n then a lecture in Stress reducing techniques. That sure might become very useful for us accompaniers ,0,tuesday start reflection n lecture stress reducing technique sure might become useful u accompaniers -What tragedy and disaster in the news this week ,0,tragedy disaster news week -yes yes still trying to find a picture that will upload correclty.. ,0,yes yes still trying find picture upload correclty -Why oh why was the Red Sox game rained out? I was so looking forward to opening day ,0,oh red sox game rained looking forward opening day -I still can't find my keys. ,0,still find key -@charlietm I know right. I dunno what is going on with twitter. ,0,charlietm know right dunno going twitter -might be getting a sore throat again ,0,might getting sore throat -@labelsnotlove my home town. My mammy called all depressd. Pls explain y a parent let their 8yr old child walk alone? Hello? Its 2009!,0,labelsnotlove home town mammy called depressd pls explain parent let yr old child walk alone hello 009 -@ircmaxell - I think I need to find better anti-depressants. I think this Paxil/Wellbutrin combo is losing its efficacy. ,0,ircmaxell think need find better anti depressant think paxil wellbutrin combo losing efficacy -@MyConnecticut Restaurant called WoodNTap has competitive eating tourney round tourney time. We place 2nd ,0,myconnecticut restaurant called woodntap competitive eating tourney round tourney time place nd -is in the bathroom... wake up lakin. ,0,bathroom wake lakin -@CaitlinOConnor i want tacos and margarhitas telll gay i say hello<3,0,caitlinoconnor want taco margarhitas telll gay say hello lt -"im lonely keep me company! 22 female, california",0,im lonely keep company female california -bad day at the betfair office ,0,bad day betfair office -I miss him. Can't wait to celebrate the Tar Heel win this weekend though!!,0,miss wait celebrate tar heel win weekend though -I'm really cold. I don't want to go to sleep yet but there's nothing to do ,0,really cold want go sleep yet nothing -@kristencampisi is this it 4 u? Its ' officially over ' 4 me this go round! ,0,kristencampisi u officially go round -monkeys??? i just found out you my twin and you wont even write back. i'm heartbroken,0,monkey found twin wont even write back heartbroken -@miss_om Aww I know I felt like that yesterday at work ,0,miss om aww know felt like yesterday work -@SarahReedSC treaty isn't defined ,0,sarahreedsc treaty defined -missed Brent at praise band. No fun to not have the your lead guitarist. <pout>,0,missed brent praise band fun lead guitarist lt pout gt -@jpfurry poor john this is what happens when you play with fruit and a microwave! Seriously though HAVE you seen a doctor?? Xxx,0,jpfurry poor john happens play fruit microwave seriously though seen doctor xxx -Missing My BFF watching home and away it reminds me of her and me we <3 It. shout out to u courts,0,missing bff watching home away reminds lt shout u court -@mandayyy ,0,mandayyy -New video card is DOA. ,0,new video card doa -"feeling lost, naked and confused (JK, sort of).....no iphone for me. ",0,feeling lost naked confused jk sort iphone -"Damn i am so late at filling this appraisal form, people have almost sent it .. i was so occupied in work ",0,damn late filling appraisal form people almost sent occupied work -missed Brent at praise band. No fun to not have your lead guitarist. <pout>,0,missed brent praise band fun lead guitarist lt pout gt -i think to much on the past. i cant change it. i deserved so much more then wat i got. ..but why am i still thinking about him gah,0,think much past cant change deserved much wat got still thinking gah -has lost his ring. It's no-where to be seen ,0,lost ring seen -"@burgaw Ooooooh! *sealclap* See, I download shitloads of zip folders off 4chan. I have no internet moneys. FUCK YEAH ALICIA & MIKEY.",0,burgaw ooooooh sealclap see download shitloads zip folder chan internet money fuck yeah alicia amp mikey -Is still nursing my Nile but glad he is feeling better. I hate when my baby is sick ,0,still nursing nile glad feeling better hate baby sick -Is fucked to go back to IC ,0,fucked go back ic -@Brandizzzle08 yoyoyo. my internet has been rude tonight. it JUST reconnected and I'm about to go to bed. ,0,brandizzzle0 yoyoyo internet rude tonight reconnected go bed -@jemcam well i have uni stuff and netball but after netbal if i've done uni stuff we can,0,jemcam well uni stuff netball netbal done uni stuff -@kissability Me too I is poor ,0,kissability poor -help me forget 8th april & 13th july! ,0,help forget th april amp th july -"dierks bentley is comin' to columbus, OH!! i wanna go so bad ",0,dierks bentley comin columbus oh wan na go bad -i have to take my sidekick back. ,0,take sidekick back -@chriscantore congrats! I'm totally jealous! only wish my XM was working ,0,chriscantore congrats totally jealous wish xm working -gr8t my face is very itchy ,0,gr face itchy -poor socks luvvvvv the golden retriever!! I want one sighhhh,0,poor sock luvvvvv golden retriever want one sighhhh -I just saw that they found that Tracy girl in a piece of luggage... How fucking terrible ,0,saw found tracy girl piece luggage fucking terrible -Aaaaand the nausea is back. ,0,aaaaand nausea back -@DonnieWahlberg ooh I�m excited and not even going 2 be there long love YOUTUBE!,0,donniewahlberg ooh excited even going long love youtube -spent 1 hour to reach to Axis bank only to find out today is holiday for Mahavir Jayanti contd..,0,spent hour reach axis bank find today holiday mahavir jayanti contd -@mathewsmichael i agree... the jobros dont update theres very often ,0,mathewsmichael agree jobros dont update there often -@fishmouse it is hilarious and I linked the clip from LJ some time ago but when I went back just now it was a dead link ,0,fishmouse hilarious linked clip lj time ago went back dead link -@DiannePulham OOOOOOOO who with? (im not neither but thats because i need to study ),0,diannepulham oooooooo im neither thats need study -"Haven't tweeted nearly all day Posted my website tonight, hopefully that goes well Night time!",0,tweeted nearly day posted website tonight hopefully go well night time -@bostongarden I miss bentley ,0,bostongarden miss bentley -seriously needs to finish these job applications ,0,seriously need finish job application -"My son Vincas is sick, so I stay at home Just three tense days at work, and I am back on holiday with kids",0,son vinca sick stay home three tense day work back holiday kid -Whinging. My client&boss don't understand English well. Rewrote some text unreadable. It's written by v. good writer&reviewed correctly. ,0,whinging client amp bos understand english well rewrote text unreadable written v good writer amp reviewed correctly -@huntermoore I don't want him to ever punch me. ,0,huntermoore want ever punch -sooo sick of the snow ughh,0,sooo sick snow ughh -@ITS_NEMESIS ------- ,0,nemesis -@LoveMeagan it doesn't work your fan is upset ,0,lovemeagan work fan upset -I would like to apologize for the repeated Video Games Live related tweets. I am going to have a stern discussion with Koodo soon. Stern. ,0,would like apologize repeated video game live related tweet going stern discussion koodo soon stern -@zaydia but i cant figure out how to get there / back / pay for a hotel etc ,0,zaydia cant figure get back pay hotel etc -"FML: So much for seniority, bc of technological ineptness, I now have to "register" for classes AGAIN ",0,fml much seniority bc technological ineptness quot register quot class -feels like she slept the day away. Not looking forward to any more bouts with my gallbladder. At least I have pills now for the pain.,0,feel like slept day away looking forward bout gallbladder least pill pain -@ThaStevieG but what I really want is my old bass back ,0,thastevieg really want old bass back -Mad tired today... Callin it in early tonight nighty night twittas,0,mad tired today callin early tonight nighty night twittas -"@LevenRambin: Take it easy, and be good to you. ",0,levenrambin take easy good -I'm afraid I had bad code. ,0,afraid bad code -Think I'm going to bed. Goodniight. I hate this ,0,think going bed goodniight hate -"@riancurtis i'm here, friend, and i love you.",0,riancurtis friend love -@kariajay All this time you didn't notice I was gone...just needed DB2 is it??,0,kariajay time notice gone needed db -@aaronrva is in the bathroom and i have to pee! ,0,aaronrva bathroom pee -@ashleyskyy but I wanted a margarita too! ,0,ashleyskyy wanted margarita -@KourtneyKardash yup night workouts r the worst but unfortunetly my work schedule only allows me to go at night its tough!,0,kourtneykardash yup night workout r worst unfortunetly work schedule allows go night tough -Just called Hillsong again - they said they couldn't tell me where I was on the waiting list - I don't know if it's looking so good ,0,called hillsong said tell waiting list know looking good -"has 0g of milky bar left, and around 200ml of coke ",0,0g milky bar left around 00ml coke -@jokerrrr It stillllll hasn't arrived ,0,jokerrrr stillllll arrived -"Mraow, I feel like dancing, but first art school wants to rape me some more. ",0,mraow feel like dancing first art school want rape -@karenucol ah! I bet it does I've been like craving to play softball or basketball !!! But I have noo time ,0,karenucol ah bet like craving play softball basketball noo time -Is terrified she accidentally deleted a reference in her management assignment and hopes she doesnt get in trouble when she gets back ,0,terrified accidentally deleted reference management assignment hope doesnt get trouble get back -amazon s3 plugin not worked in my website . it need PHP 5 . but my hosting provider has only PHP 4.4 . very sad.,0,amazon plugin worked website need php hosting provider php sad -"Argh! I was suuuper sleepy an hour ago, now I'm wide awake. Hope I don't stay up all night. :-/",0,argh suuuper sleepy hour ago wide awake hope stay night -"@austinhill I wish I was! Sold out If you have some time let me know, I would love to hear more about what you are up to!",0,austinhill wish sold time let know would love hear -Just watched tropic thunder. Dreading tomorrow ,0,watched tropic thunder dreading tomorrow -@qweendassah no...he's still miss'n... ,0,qweendassah still miss n -ChiefDelphi is down ,0,chiefdelphi -"http://twitpic.com/2y2wr - according to my bro, our new puppy had a poo fight and was covered in poop (picture stolen from him)",0,http twitpic com wr according bro new puppy poo fight covered poop picture stolen -playing game at home! my new boss didn't call me yet... ,0,playing game home new bos call yet -Su yin Huen tweeted I feel unbearable guilt. I made my staff cry http://tinyurl.com/cw2l9t,0,su yin huen tweeted feel unbearable guilt made staff cry http tinyurl com cw l9t -Poor Joshy is sick??? those damn tejanos!,0,poor joshy sick damn tejanos -My thoughts are with Sandra Cantu's family at this difficult and sad time ,0,thought sandra cantu family difficult sad time -"@FranzGlaus I know, just wanted to let everybody know what was happening ",0,franzglaus know wanted let everybody know happening -Michigan who? I don't know them. *sigh* Shameful!,0,michigan know sigh shameful -i have to fill two hours ,0,fill two hour -"@alicayaba so cuuute! hey, i miss you na! its not the same not seeing you girls everyday ",0,alicayaba cuuute hey miss na seeing girl everyday -@JonathanRKnight Oh! Did I mention it? "Gooooood Moooorniiiiiiing" from Germany! Im back in my cage....or better...my office ,0,jonathanrknight oh mention quot gooooood moooorniiiiiiing quot germany im back cage better office -throat is closing up and i had some string cheese. not a good idea ,0,throat closing string cheese good idea -"Aww, Sandra Cantu is found dead in a suitcase Missing children stories never seem to go good. Poor family.",0,aww sandra cantu found dead suitcase missing child story never seem go good poor family -wishing i was home underneath my covers ,0,wishing home underneath cover -walking home from school drains all my energy ,0,walking home school drain energy -"@ridley1013 I agree. The shapeshifting is a copout. I was so excited for Angela's ep, I thought it was this week. Noah was awesome tho!",0,ridley 0 agree shapeshifting copout excited angela ep thought week noah awesome tho -@SaveTheStrib Dang! I would have done this if I knew it was there earlier. Any other outings planned?,0,savethestrib dang would done knew earlier outing planned -I wish I was better at writing. It's taking me so long to write this paper. ,0,wish better writing taking long write paper -..and of course... I have access to my Halo 3 Mythic Map Pack re-download.. but bad news.. not the Legendary Map Pack... ugh.. 600MS... ,0,course access halo mythic map pack download bad news legendary map pack ugh 00ms -"@vene2ia ...not yet unfortunately, another few weeks I've been told How are you? I've been a little bit busy with my latest project.",0,vene ia yet unfortunately another week told little bit busy latest project -@thecoolestout Ha the sun's already gone ,0,thecoolestout ha sun already gone -day 2. a lot harder than day 1. let's see how day 3 goes tomorrow. ,0,day lot harder day let see day go tomorrow -My man crush Jake Peavy let me down #gayforpeavy,0,man crush jake peavy let gayforpeavy -"@trishzw megafast trip, you have time during day tom/weds? Or, you going out tonight? Want to see you bad. Tried to warn you, tech fail ",0,trishzw megafast trip time day tom wed going tonight want see bad tried warn tech fail -michigan state you make me sad ,0,michigan state make sad -omg. my mouth is in so much pain i just wanna sleep untill its time to take my braces off.,0,omg mouth much pain wan na sleep untill time take brace -getting annoyed easily today >>> biofuel proposal: getting annoyed easily today >>> biof.. http://tinyurl.com/ceprvs,0,getting annoyed easily today gt gt gt biofuel proposal getting annoyed easily today gt gt gt biof http tinyurl com ceprvs -@MizzChievouz Hey girl. The site is back. Girlyvue is back and they have even more videos. ,0,mizzchievouz hey girl site back girlyvue back even video -@a5hleyf i'm spending time with my grandma early tomorrow and i can't leave skittles by herself. ,0,hleyf spending time grandma early tomorrow leave skittle -just got home from watching Michigan State get tromped! ,0,got home watching michigan state get tromped -"Oh jew-bus! Two years worth of classes' work is ALOT to organize >_< i'm not finishing tonight, it's not possible...my bones ache ",0,oh jew bus two year worth class work alot organize gt lt finishing tonight possible bone ache -"@griffmiester no exchanging for me, my laptop hasn't arrived ",0,griffmiester exchanging laptop arrived -@hyperbets i hope this doesn't last too long. i feel miserable!,0,hyperbets hope last long feel miserable -@rcompo RACHEL! hang outage is neccessary - i was gonna be home this wekend but dumb folk make me work so im free F and Sat until 4...,0,rcompo rachel hang outage neccessary gon na home wekend dumb folk make work im free f sat -@TheLeagueSF Not Fun & Furious? The new mantra for the Bay 2 Breakers? It was getting 2 rambunctious;the city overreacted & clamped down ,0,theleaguesf fun amp furious new mantra bay breaker getting rambunctious city overreacted amp clamped -@amber_benson my hubby (for some reason) thinks it's more important he has a good spot for red carpet for the Trek Movie Premiere. Sod!,0,amber benson hubby reason think important good spot red carpet trek movie premiere sod -"I swear no matter how long I've been getting up at 5am, it never gets any easier. Man my eyes hurts wah ",0,swear matter long getting never get easier man eye hurt wah -@Jeffree_Star Jeffree! How do you keep your hair one color? My PERMANENT dye fades within the week ,0,jeffree star jeffree keep hair one color permanent dye fade within week -"@otakusecret my reaction too whoa, didn't see that coming",0,otakusecret reaction whoa see coming -"still sick. feeling a bit better, got some new medicine.... hope I feel good after a night of sleep. ohh, and it's suppose to snow! WTF! ",0,still sick feeling bit better got new medicine hope feel good night sleep ohh suppose snow wtf -"@Dangerm0use I think maybe you should get a couple more hours of sleep, hon. How productive can you be right now if ur dog tired? I worry ",0,dangerm0use think maybe get couple hour sleep hon productive right ur dog tired worry -@maddyVA Thanks a lot. Learned a lot of new words but didn't find what I was looking for. ,0,maddyva thanks lot learned lot new word find looking -Wish I had all the XBLM downloads all on the gamertag 'Hitokyri'. This 5 gamertag thing is nonsense... and I'm tired of it ,0,wish xblm downloads gamertag hitokyri gamertag thing nonsense tired -New Testament Test at 9:30 am ,0,new testament test 9 0 -@ScoutBuck tons no hay Troll? ahhhh ,0,scoutbuck ton hay troll ahhhh -stupid movies we watched... mirrors ugggggh... stooopeeed!!! rip off! ,0,stupid movie watched mirror ugggggh stooopeeed rip -"http://twitpic.com/2y2yi - I love you, Buck. ",0,http twitpic com yi love buck -last one!!! but still not done!!! ,0,last one still done -homework.... ,0,homework -I don't understand why things get taken away. I didn't have enough time with him its unfair. I want him back!! He was like my baby ,0,understand thing get taken away enough time unfair want back like baby -Scratch that: du in heif (two in a half) cookies. My tum just can't take anymore shoog. Poots ,0,scratch du heif two half cooky tum take anymore shoog poots -@cococourtney i was just listening to the sweets for the first time in forever! i miss them so much can we go to chi town for visits plz?,0,cococourtney listening sweet first time forever miss much go chi town visit plz -"Geez what a busy afternoon. Meetings, emails, meetings and email and more meetings. 6pm and the day is still going! Ah its dark and ",0,geez busy afternoon meeting email meeting email meeting pm day still going ah dark -"DANG!!! ANOTHER SPRING BREAK!!! HOW COOL IS THAT??? TOO BAD I HAVE TO WORK ALL WEEK OH WELL, MORE MONEY FOR A PHONE. ttyl EVERBODY!!!",0,dang another spring break cool bad work week oh well money phone ttyl everbody -@Sara_Kate Im afraid too ( ur reply about uni from ages ago,0,sara kate im afraid ur reply uni age ago -feeling down ,0,feeling -@CarVin1 lol they are some emotional ass men!! Omg all this late night eating.. Both of us are broke ,0,carvin lol emotional as men omg late night eating u broke -"@nick_carter Aww Nick!! I like your hair longer, why did you cut it off? Break. My. Heart.",0,nick carter aww nick like hair longer cut break heart - wonder if Jon lost the net,0,wonder jon lost net -Wow. The most depressing thing in the world is losing a video that you've created in a matter of seconds. #FML,0,wow depressing thing world losing video created matter second fml -@nchokkan https://www.mycomicshop.com/search?TID=395031 But all says not in stock ,0,nchokkan http www mycomicshop com search tid 9 0 say stock -@Poohpot lmao im sorry poohpot i ate it all! ,0,poohpot lmao im sorry poohpot ate -Any chance Softbelly (for @MTUB) isn't loud? ,0,chance softbelly mtub loud -Time to move my posterior and lose some fat. My articulation are creaking so no more running but I�m drool for some swimming,0,time move posterior lose fat articulation creaking running drool swimming -listening to nathan cry.... ,0,listening nathan cry -today sucked. I'm gonna die without chris and callum! wahhh!,0,today sucked gon na die without chris callum wahhh -"STOU site not update, no info about 2/2552 exam, and open course, I must wait for mail notices and doc. um... ",0,stou site update info exam open course must wait mail notice doc um -@ohsbrat30...I'm sorry. I'm feeling kinda yucky myself. 5am is going to come too quick ,0,ohsbrat 0 sorry feeling kinda yucky going come quick -is in love with scrappy and is missin him already ,0,love scrappy missin already -wants to hear @seblefebvre 's song but myspace is messing with me ,0,want hear seblefebvre song myspace messing -Bad news was Dad has cancer and is dying Good news new business started and I am now a life coach practising holistic weight management,0,bad news dad cancer dying good news new business started life coach practising holistic weight management -@duchess_rebecca Man... intervention is soo sad ,0,duchess rebecca man intervention soo sad -HELP! I need a new boyfriend... I'm stuck in a rut ,0,help need new boyfriend stuck rut -I feel like a complete idiot. I'm the only one who doesn't get how this shit works help me ,0,feel like complete idiot one get shit work help -Saw an ad on Craigslist for a casting call for a female host on G4. I was totally psyched! But realized it was a hoax ,0,saw ad craigslist casting call female host g totally psyched realized hoax -Pepperoni rolls in L.A.?: I called Valentino's - they said that they had sausage rolls but no pepperoni rolls http://tinyurl.com/cec5ka,0,pepperoni roll l called valentino said sausage roll pepperoni roll http tinyurl com cec ka -"@soillodge yes, it will be. it's only Monday ",0,soillodge yes monday -i want the new GG episode already ,0,want new gg episode already -I miss watching Rocko's Modern Life. ,0,miss watching rocko modern life -RIP Sandra....its so sad how can someone do something like that??,0,rip sandra sad someone something like -Keeping my fingers crossed for my buddy He is not feeling well.,0,keeping finger crossed buddy feeling well -Wait should I eat?? Or be skinny for vegas!! I'm hungry! ,0,wait eat skinny vega hungry -"@Marge_Inovera I tried tweetdeck once and I hated it with a passion. Or it hated me, I'm not sure... ",0,marge inovera tried tweetdeck hated passion hated sure -"@benackerman BTW my iPhone is acting funny, dying quickly and freezing and BS. I'm not admitting anything, just sayin ",0,benackerman btw iphone acting funny dying quickly freezing b admitting anything sayin -Sitting here wondering why "ED" still has such a strong hold on me ,0,sitting wondering quot ed quot still strong hold -@bananaface IM SORRY I GOT YOU SICK. lol. going to bed too. NIGHT!,0,bananaface im sorry got sick lol going bed night -"@carolrainbow no Internet at home, have to drive into Ox to use Internet because of builders! ",0,carolrainbow internet home drive ox use internet builder -@Steve_Buscemi the weather in Canada is freezing ,0,steve buscemi weather canada freezing -twiggassssssss I been out of range all day I'm back now and hopefully for good.,0,twiggassssssss range day back hopefully good -@danadearmond ,0,danadearmond -anyone who reads this pray for my Grandma. She's in pain ,0,anyone read pray grandma pain -"#3 woke up and was having an accident - "It's pushing, it's pushing!" he was crying because he couldn't stop from wetting his pants. ",0,woke accident quot pushing pushing quot cry stop wetting pant -"Home from Franklin street, I almost jumped over a fire. Someone kicked it before I could. Jenny lost her shoe.",0,home franklin street almost jumped fire someone kicked could jenny lost shoe -@johnnybeane hey! you just changed your default. ,0,johnnybeane hey changed default -Finally gave in and was bored enough to start this thing. I think the 140 is going to be a problem for me tho. its like a myspace status.,0,finally gave bored enough start thing think 0 going problem tho like myspace status -"@ellievolia If oooonly we were really so lucky, eh? And awh Definitely too early for work.",0,ellievolia oooonly really lucky eh awh definitely early work -buttload of homework! ,0,buttload homework -needs another copy of visual studio 2008 ,0,need another copy visual studio 00 -"why to we, the only school in the world, be in this week.My school is silly anyway... look on the bright side. When i'm off, u will be in",0,school world week school silly anyway look bright side u -omg i've an economics test. and i dont know all the things i have to know and omg im gonna fail ,0,omg economics test dont know thing know omg im gon na fail -"@robcthegeek Once upon a time Hundred Islands was the pride of Philippine tourism, but coral/clam/rare fish poaching did it in. Kinda sad ",0,robcthegeek upon time hundred island pride philippine tourism coral clam rare fish poaching kinda sad -"@Henkuyinepu yeah, apparently i have really bad taste ",0,henkuyinepu yeah apparently really bad taste -@hummiemd I KNOW! I was really surprised since everyone recommends them on youtube. I have to call them tomorrow and figure it all out.,0,hummiemd know really surprised since everyone recommends youtube call tomorrow figure -Waiting at the airport for my ride while I get harassed by 2 men trying to sell me ugly hats.. Why me?! I just want to sleep..,0,waiting airport ride get harassed men trying sell ugly hat want sleep -i left my IDs at the location and now i can not go out to bars FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKK,0,left id location go bar fuckkkkkkkkkkkkk -@celycarmo i'm sorry I don't understand your last comment ,0,celycarmo sorry understand last comment -@OfficialRandL when is the announcement? i stayed up late last night ,0,officialrandl announcement stayed late last night -"@KishoreK this is strange, illegal torrents avlbl everywhere, legal DVD not in stock What do I do now???",0,kishorek strange illegal torrent avlbl everywhere legal dvd stock -ITS NOT ENOUGH TO SAY THAT IMISS U ,0,enough say imiss u -This trolley has up packed in like sardines! Padre game and they REMOVE a car?! Good call MTS ,0,trolley packed like sardine padre game remove car good call mt -"@RandomlyNat Jeez, I was just trying to help Haha.",0,randomlynat jeez trying help haha -@SupaMagg that happened to me saturday night. along with my glittery green lighter! ,0,supamagg happened saturday night along glittery green lighter -trying to reduce the number of cigarettes in each day! ,0,trying reduce number cigarette day -yea it is so quiet around here cuz everyone has to work im bored to death with nobody to talk to ,0,yea quiet around cuz everyone work im bored death nobody talk -gotta do my cooking assignment its too hard,0,got ta cooking assignment hard -"@treesahquiche okay, about the applepears, I've talked to a few people and they've ALL had them before. No one ever told me, never ",0,treesahquiche okay applepears talked people one ever told never -"@jennifermf I know! I'm a night owl by nature, hahaha Am I a time zone behind you? It's almost 1 here",0,jennifermf know night owl nature hahaha time zone behind almost -@mamasvan lol - nope! but i did have complete #camerafail ,0,mamasvan lol nope complete camerafail -@maxime68 @megelder But! I'm useless if I don't sleep It's not fair! I want all the fun as well!!!,0,maxime megelder useless sleep fair want fun well -My Pookie has a UTI. I have to be Nurse Gabbie and get him back to 100%!!! No more sodas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!,0,pookie uti nurse gabbie get back 00 soda -@jillianfish tweet something damn it! and hang out with me please? ,0,jillianfish tweet something damn hang please -@anistorm ,0,anistorm -"I'm SO behind in video games, and everything for that matter. I'm yesterday's news ",0,behind video game everything matter yesterday news -"@sleep_til_noon I did, it was the only one left but I got tempted and ate it soon as I got home I had a chocolate velvet & ate d mocha",0,sleep til noon one left got tempted ate soon got home chocolate velvet amp ate mocha -Is stressing out because my blackberry keeps flashing a red alert status for no reason!! Its faking me out and I hate it!!! ,0,stressing blackberry keep flashing red alert status reason faking hate -http://twitpic.com/2y34e - I wanna wear my Doc Martens out! Haven't worn them since December. ,0,http twitpic com e wan na wear doc marten worn since december -When to the shoe repair shop and the guy could not find my shoes! So I have to go back and see if he can find them in a couple days. ,0,shoe repair shop guy could find shoe go back see find couple day -@B_Barnett I did not really see that coming ,0,b barnett really see coming -"just woke up from the most vivid, sketchy, not-cool dreams of my life. time to stare at the wall with the lights on. ",0,woke vivid sketchy cool dream life time stare wall light -it'll take 3 days for my sister to get her passport ,0,take day sister get passport -@nicolerichie OH MY YES!! i miss ,0,nicolerichie oh yes miss -Uh oh... I think I am getting sick ,0,uh oh think getting sick -Good GOD they ruined my belly button!!! ,0,good god ruined belly button -Watching Who Framed Roger Rabbit. Makes me miss Toon Town. ,0,watching framed roger rabbit make miss toon town -"@akianz renting.. but very cheap renting, and awesome house. We had 3 buying attempts fall through ",0,akianz renting cheap renting awesome house buying attempt fall -running nose + spinning head = not a good combination for a meeting! ,0,running nose spinning head good combination meeting -@EazyDoesIt87 NEGATIVE.. you lost my vote of confidence ,0,eazydoesit negative lost vote confidence -Nasty budget due and my iphone is being sent to Apple today. ,0,nasty budget due iphone sent apple today -@Sofii_Noel that�s bad ,0,sofii noel bad -"Dammit, episode 3 of Kings won't play for some reason stopped in the middle now won't do anything",0,dammit episode king play reason stopped middle anything -I'm so upset that I missed my chat and quiz online because my free internet has ceased ,0,upset missed chat quiz online free internet ceased -can't believe it! I'm in disbelief of it all in a way really. How much can I take from people and always get hurt by others!! ,0,believe disbelief way really much take people always get hurt others -Car show season has started without me ,0,car show season started without -my throat is raw. ,0,throat raw -@KevChoice I just don't get it. What in a persons mind could even have them on some ish like this??? My prayers are with her fam for real,0,kevchoice get person mind could even ish like prayer fam real -@frago I hate you. I didn't need to see that. I need to call my therapist now. ,0,frago hate need see need call therapist -Twilight didn't come yesterday fingers crossed for today,0,twilight come yesterday finger crossed today -@NileLegania glad I was able help you feel better. I hate to see you sick Love you!,0,nilelegania glad able help feel better hate see sick love -is tireddddddd. want to sleep but i have an assignment to finish and an exam tomorrow to study for ,0,tireddddddd want sleep assignment finish exam tomorrow study -"You know, I was thinking... I need money ",0,know thinking need money -omg..its jst teusday ,0,omg jst teusday -@ddlovato @David_Henrie ummmmm i cant find it. ,0,ddlovato david henrie ummmmm cant find -Just heard that they found Sandra Cantu... She was only 8 yrs old ,0,heard found sandra cantu yr old -@corrosivecandy Ive forgotten how to snoo-snoo I wonder if snoo-snoo and I will ever meet again...,0,corrosivecandy ive forgotten snoo snoo wonder snoo snoo ever meet -@AmaNorris wow that last tweet made me seem like a giant sexist...sorry about that ,0,amanorris wow last tweet made seem like giant sexist sorry -"My bathtub drain is fired: it haz 1 job 2 do, & it iz FAIL. I got all Drano on its ass, & iz STILL NOT DRAINING. I wanna shower, dangit!! ",0,bathtub drain fired haz job amp iz fail got drano as amp iz still draining wan na shower dangit -stuck at home ,0,stuck home -@nomadicmatt mine is 1/10 how do you get it up?,0,nomadicmatt mine 0 get -Duckling in famous children's book stolen from Boston's Public Garden - The Boston Globe http://tinyurl.com/dc2htx via @ShareThis OH NO!! ,0,duckling famous child book stolen boston public garden boston globe http tinyurl com dc htx via sharethis oh -"@Appomattox_News Thank you! However, I hate to be on the same list that includes 2 convicts. ",0,appomattox news thank however hate list includes convict -"Heading to Altrincham, again! Out of hours install ",0,heading altrincham hour install -MORNING!!! Good im bloody knackered!!! Work is not for me today HELPPP!!!! xxx,0,morning good im bloody knackered work today helppp xxx -@jeffreecuntstar I don't have a garage. But you can park in my driveway!,0,jeffreecuntstar garage park driveway -@lauredhel What happened?,0,lauredhel happened -""On popular music" by T.W.Adorno is probably the most difficult reading ever prescribed, I'm actually struggling to continue ",0,quot popular music quot w adorno probably difficult reading ever prescribed actually struggling continue -"http://twitpic.com/2y36e - cant see the flowers falling i dont have a camera, just my cellphone",0,http twitpic com e cant see flower falling dont camera cellphone -"We've been good. I'm not liking the snow right now, was getting used to the nice Spring-like weather. How about you?",0,good liking snow right getting used nice spring like weather -@brian_armstrong What a pity YouTube is currently blocked in China. I can't see the vids. ,0,brian armstrong pity youtube currently blocked china see vids -@margaretcho what happened to your show it was the hightlight of my life ,0,margaretcho happened show hightlight life -This is the best leather sofa in the world! It's in the office though which means I'm still here working ,0,best leather sofa world office though mean still working -Still 3 more days until my Internet gets uncapped ,0,still day internet get uncapped -"If he doesn't get better in a few days, he could have something lodged in his belly ",0,get better day could something lodged belly -i Love my atekinzz so much. && i soo miss her.. ,0,love atekinzz much amp amp soo miss -I wanna sneak into the zoo and play with the kitties ,0,wan na sneak zoo play kitty -@lolitariot oh no hope you're not getting sick too!,0,lolitariot oh hope getting sick -@alejandralei i dont think i can cause its my cousins birthday party ,0,alejandralei dont think cause cousin birthday party -"Our sweet little man just fell asleep while waiting up for daddy and big brother to get home! Poor baby, he missed them so much today!",0,sweet little man fell asleep waiting daddy big brother get home poor baby missed much today -the angel is going to miss the athlete this weekend ,0,angel going miss athlete weekend -trust is hard ,0,trust hard -have watched that considering today. yaknow. shawnna tomomorrow;i need my bestfriend ,0,watched considering today yaknow shawnna tomomorrow need bestfriend -Grr i want to keep reading but if i do i wont have anything left to read ,0,grr want keep reading wont anything left read -"atekinzz, where in the world are you?? ",0,atekinzz world -@RumLover No! u supposed to be my date ,0,rumlover u supposed date -"pears & Brie, bottle of Cabernet, and "Win a Date With Tad Hamilton"... oh gawwd my life flashed forward to when I'm 40 with my 75 cats ",0,pear amp brie bottle cabernet quot win date tad hamilton quot oh gawwd life flashed forward 0 cat -Crap. I need more dresses too. ,0,crap need dress -@kaeeeep yeah! i know! it was horrible!!!! ugh. saddening. ,0,kaeeeep yeah know horrible ugh saddening -@Brodhe geez ur no fun are you ,0,brodhe geez ur fun -I wanna be in a punk rock band again ,0,wan na punk rock band -@jyesmith That's a lot of angst for a Tuesday afternoon ,0,jyesmith lot angst tuesday afternoon -I'm very glad Britney isn't crazy anymore! That was one hell of a show! Now I'm sad that it's over. Next up...AP at Cook County!,0,glad britney crazy anymore one hell show sad next ap cook county -has a huuuge headache! omg I feel like crap! ,0,huuuge headache omg feel like crap -@Anistorm Sorry ,0,anistorm sorry -@cleders sorry...i was rooting for them too... ,0,cleders sorry rooting -"Man, that took forever. ",0,man took forever -@shandasaurus I see.,0,shandasaurus see -I am listing more items on ebay to sell! Takes forever..meanwhile Coleman is watching The Hills season premier without me.. ,0,listing item ebay sell take forever meanwhile coleman watching hill season premier without -"Just got my presentation done, 23 slides done... I'm crying for this week will be the hardest of all weeks.",0,got presentation done slide done cry week hardest week -Just lost $160 ,0,lost 0 -I don't like the previously on skins thing that starts at season two. I like it when it went straight into the intro like before ,0,like previously skin thing start season two like went straight intro like -@Houndour ...i wish i was there...i'm pretty good at scaring the shit out of people ,0,houndour wish pretty good scaring shit people -Going to sound vain... but running out of my fav lip gloss ,0,going sound vain running fav lip gloss -"@stuiy never again will I click on a link that screams, "I'm a spider, I'm a spider". I should have known better. yucky ",0,stuiy never click link scream quot spider spider quot known better yucky -Why is that when you have time off from work you get sick? ,0,time work get sick -@pratama Same iMac came out $320 more in Indonesia than the States. ,0,pratama imac came 0 indonesia state -Dammit... I need to stop buying furniture ,0,dammit need stop buying furniture -@Miss_Sil no i was half asleep and turned off the laptop after that ,0,miss sil half asleep turned laptop -"Death is peaceful, life however, bites ",0,death peaceful life however bite - i think @JonathanRKnight lost the net ? sure hope not,0,think jonathanrknight lost net sure hope -"http://is.gd/r8Zf, http://is.gd/r8Zy, and http://is.gd/r8ZG - test footage with my girlfriend (in HD) The dark one is underxposed ",0,http gd r zf http gd r zy http gd r zg test footage girlfriend hd dark one underxposed -Such a tough game to watch tonight for State Finally going to bed after also staying up to watch the season premiere of the Hills!,0,tough game watch tonight state finally going bed also staying watch season premiere hill -Seems jRuby support for hpricot is now two versions behind ,0,seems jruby support hpricot two version behind -@JinxCat Unlike my sister...I still don't have one ,0,jinxcat unlike sister still one -Fraking app store is pissing me off http://tinyurl.com/c4ooho,0,fraking app store pissing http tinyurl com c ooho -Logging out. I need to study.... ,0,logging need study -anyone else having problems accessing TTB??? I cant get on!!! ,0,anyone else problem accessing ttb cant get -I strongly dislike people who make stupid comments and dont know the whole story ,0,strongly dislike people make stupid comment dont know whole story -"@emmaketurah i'm sorry Emma, is swarley a goldfish? i'm sad for u.",0,emmaketurah sorry emma swarley goldfish sad u -"All my tweets are already gone, aren't they Missed you guys tonight.",0,tweet already gone missed guy tonight -Can't sleep again. Face is kinda swollen. Don't let me be allergic to the thing that'll get me to Thursday. School tomorrow? Doubtful. ,0,sleep face kinda swollen let allergic thing get thursday school tomorrow doubtful -"@Snick_the_Dog If Izzy's on the cat tree, she'll stare him down, but if she's on the floor, he chases and she runs. ",0,snick dog izzy cat tree stare floor chase run -I am officially banning godaddy.com from my comp. My head hurts from the small print AND I wasted $10 that could've happily gone to Boba ,0,officially banning godaddy com comp head hurt small print wasted 0 could happily gone boba -@HumanOpium pretty much just scary for me ,0,humanopium pretty much scary -@ilovepie mines too... I'm finding it well hard to get fit... ,0,ilovepie mine finding well hard get fit -"Good morning! Ready 2 go, but I want 2 go back 2 bed ",0,good morning ready go want go back bed -hates waiting for mails ,0,hate waiting mail -wheat bread from the dollar store just doesn't toast nicely going over my taxes and calling it an early night,0,wheat bread dollar store toast nicely going tax calling early night -"Why Kutner? I mean I knew something was going to happen to someone but it was so sad. I <3 House and it was well done, but I'm still sad ",0,kutner mean knew something going happen someone sad lt house well done still sad -@JonathanRKnight aw ok goonite.... ,0,jonathanrknight aw ok goonite -ill so i cant go to the cinema!! ,0,ill cant go cinema -Fell asleep . . . Really didn't mean too *christina*,0,fell asleep really mean christina -"@KelleyRowe hey, you remember that time we used to be friends?? ;) ugh. vomit. sick. i need sleep ",0,kelleyrowe hey remember time used friend ugh vomit sick need sleep -my lymph nodes are as massive as rahm emanuel's balls right now ,0,lymph node massive rahm emanuel ball right -Oh no my computer sucks. I don't think i'll be able to listen to the Xbox 360 Fancast tonite ,0,oh computer suck think able listen xbox 0 fancast tonite -is missing playing my trumpet ,0,missing playing trumpet -My throat is still really sore. I was meant to be going on a 5 day camp from Friday but not so sure now ,0,throat still really sore meant going day camp friday sure -@sasii I know exactly how you feel! ,0,sasii know exactly feel -At work ,0,work -Well bed time now. 1 am. *sighs* Back to 6 am mornings for a week on Wednesday. ,0,well bed time sigh back morning week wednesday -@hert Jesus Camp? Yeah... ,0,hert jesus camp yeah -"@MaryBethune oh no! with everything that happened today, i forgot we were going dress shopping for the opera tomorrow. ",0,marybethune oh everything happened today forgot going dress shopping opera tomorrow -Turtles are better than my Mac - lasts longer and moves faster ,0,turtle better mac last longer move faster -I am soaked. This is not pleasant ,0,soaked pleasant -@ginayates Sorry to hear about Maggie. Thoughts to your mum.,0,ginayates sorry hear maggie thought mum -"@ewarden, you may have to email this one to me I hope you feel better.",0,ewarden may email one hope feel better -@miamiiboii dead @ yu gettin on wen im leavin ,0,miamiiboii dead yu gettin wen im leavin -@arlenecd PLEASE TELL ME THAT'S SOMEWHERE CLOSE TO CALIFORNIA!!! LOL! ,0,arlenecd please tell somewhere close california lol -@phlaimeaux where are you? ,0,phlaimeaux -stupid arranged marriages... i'll convert so you can marry me...love you! ,0,stupid arranged marriage convert marry love -"@emilyruppe Well he said that he is a looser, and that is what the show implies ",0,emilyruppe well said looser show implies -Poor Sandra Cantu & the Cantu family! My prayers go out to them! What a sick world we live in. She was only 8 ,0,poor sandra cantu amp cantu family prayer go sick world live -fuck omg austins always there though man <3 love you,0,fuck omg austin always though man lt love -@nicolerichie I cried so hard when Matthew died ,0,nicolerichie cried hard matthew died -sad that the 'feet' of my macbook just fell off : sad that the 'feet' of my macbook just fell off ,0,sad foot macbook fell sad foot macbook fell -@chordsy - why am I the last to find out about these things? Like that you're on the twitter too. ,0,chordsy last find thing like twitter -@lovebscott absolutely not!! ,0,lovebscott absolutely -http://twitpic.com/2y3cf - Filled with curry the true indian in me is coming out,0,http twitpic com cf filled curry true indian coming -im soooo cold right now ,0,im soooo cold right -@heidimontag lol I kant believe cam got beat upp sooo embarasssiiiin ,0,heidimontag lol kant believe cam got beat upp sooo embarasssiiiin -@JonathanRKnight Good Knight hun! Looking forward to ur tweets again! Hate that i keep missing out on the fun cuz of the time difference ,0,jonathanrknight good knight hun looking forward ur tweet hate keep missing fun cuz time difference -Tumblr: This is exactly how it feels wearing a �tie� http://tinyurl.com/c8bvqh,0,tumblr exactly feel wearing tie http tinyurl com c bvqh -@daniela_95616 hahaa!! i just realized "impune" definitely isnt the word i wanted... dang. i'm so unclever. ,0,daniela 9 hahaa realized quot impune quot definitely isnt word wanted dang unclever -watching old videos of dance team and such... makes me miss it ,0,watching old video dance team make miss -Wahh no CSI anywhere! DVR'ed I Love Money 2 though - gonna watch it then sleep - Goodnight Tweeters<3,0,wahh csi anywhere dvr ed love money though gon na watch sleep goodnight tweeter lt -Struggling hard with Inventory ,0,struggling hard inventory -@ddlovato Do you hate us?? Please don't ,0,ddlovato hate u please -@ballinbitch haha im not THAT ballin. I still got bills to paaaaay ,0,ballinbitch haha im ballin still got bill paaaaay -I'm in one of those days when I really just want to work from home. Crap. ,0,one day really want work home crap -@paul_e_wog Wait...is it a game or just episodes? I'm so confused. ,0,paul e wog wait game episode confused -@carlyw66 HAHA. I cried... I guess he did....,0,carlyw haha cried guess -I don't get statistics! Its all a bunch of mumbo jumbo for me.,0,get statistic bunch mumbo jumbo -"@sloanb Got it, sadly, only works for UK & US at the moment ",0,sloanb got sadly work uk amp u moment -Evicted ,0,evicted -doesn't enjoy learning CSS. ,0,enjoy learning cs -@nachojohnny Brian don't make me fuck u up LOL I replied 2 ur message...did u get my # ? I miss u ,0,nachojohnny brian make fuck u lol replied ur message u get miss u -"@heidimontag I dvr'd it and went to watch it, apparently the dish network went down SO I MISSED IT I will have to catch a rerun!",0,heidimontag dvr went watch apparently dish network went missed catch rerun -@JessDubb lmao. U may have to wait for another season to come thru. its summe boo. Hot nd dry ass weather ,0,jessdubb lmao u may wait another season come thru summe boo hot nd dry as weather -@LizChavez I can't set my feet on the ground. The missing eyelid people might get me! ,0,lizchavez set foot ground missing eyelid people might get -@daniela_95616 my english professor would be ashamed. ,0,daniela 9 english professor would ashamed -[-O] I wish the frogs weren't becoming extinct http://tinyurl.com/cxe8w7,0,wish frog becoming extinct http tinyurl com cxe w -"Came home from Cross County, Tired as ",0,came home cross county tired -I don't want to walk home in this snow. Who wants to pick me up? ,0,want walk home snow want pick -"@heidimontag Lauren is being stubborn. she loves you, you love her. I feel so bad for you, though. it made me cry lol!",0,heidimontag lauren stubborn love love feel bad though made cry lol -is grouchy. and wants bmar ,0,grouchy want bmar -"my heart is broken every morning dropping Foo at pre school, now i understand when moms say "he has my heart broken". ",0,heart broken every morning dropping foo pre school understand mom say quot heart broken quot -Not feeling well and back hurts ,0,feeling well back hurt -Im in the mood for some chocolate. I want..... Miniature Reeses cups. Now ,0,im mood chocolate want miniature reeses cup -I can't take this heat! It's like an oven in here. I feel sick nwo ,0,take heat like oven feel sick nwo -@nick_carter Come to the chat just 15 minutes please? http://fanclub.backstreetboys.com/chat.php,0,nick carter come chat minute please http fanclub backstreetboys com chat php -Boredd. Colddd Internet keeps stuffing up,0,boredd colddd internet keep stuffing -"I had a horrible nightmare last night which affected my sleep, now I'm really tired ",0,horrible nightmare last night affected sleep really tired -"im lonely keep me company! 22 female, new york",0,im lonely keep company female new york -@Born_4_Broadway Lost and it was St. Ignacius Prepatory School. Haha.,0,born broadway lost st ignacius prepatory school haha -@birutagme yeah it was really depressing... stuff like that gets to me,0,birutagme yeah really depressing stuff like get -"@whoisariston No problem, tongue-in-cheek remark. Lots of acronyms, but no NZ ",0,whoisariston problem tongue cheek remark lot acronym nz -@greggrunberg hey you said matt was gonna go all ballistic... i was disappointed good ep tho mostly,0,greggrunberg hey said matt gon na go ballistic disappointed good ep tho mostly -ugh horrible ending to the sandra kantu story prayers go out.,0,ugh horrible ending sandra kantu story prayer go -@danielledeleasa http://twitpic.com/2y1pe - I hate 2 B allergic i want a puppy soo bad that i've already thought some cool names,0,danielledeleasa http twitpic com pe hate b allergic want puppy soo bad already thought cool name -Morning folks 7.00 am ..yawn! Up & away to see to horses - hope Twitter is better behaved today! Last night was a travesty ,0,morning folk 00 yawn amp away see horse hope twitter better behaved today last night travesty -@QuanDotCom I miss mine too! ,0,quandotcom miss mine -@AmandaEnglund Sorry to hear about your loss. There have been many this year so far.,0,amandaenglund sorry hear loss many year far -@nicolerichie Gossip Girl was a repeat ,0,nicolerichie gossip girl repeat -@InYourEyes2410 I reckon ,0,inyoureyes 0 reckon -finding it really hard to use twitter ,0,finding really hard use twitter -I've been stuck in this house for two days ,0,stuck house two day -is really sad and doesn't really know y!!??!!! ,0,really sad really know -@thousand_miles no ,0,thousand mile -"Maybe one of these years I'll get a tax return. A girl can dream, right?",0,maybe one year get tax return girl dream right -"Back at work, tired as hell and i feel a cold coming ",0,back work tired hell feel cold coming -@clarianne @Knot2serious APRIL 9TH ISN'T COMING SOON ENOUGH ,0,clarianne knot serious april 9th coming soon enough -"@hannahsix cream for his eye and he may have herpes - not ocular herpes, but a different strain. He's doing okay though.",0,hannahsix cream eye may herpes ocular herpes different strain okay though -gotta repeat whole art folio cuz old one with a whole terms work got wet ,0,got ta repeat whole art folio cuz old one whole term work got wet -I'm ready for the weekend already. It's only Monday. ,0,ready weekend already monday -@lovebscott umm nope..think im an insomniac ..plus i got the flu...i'lll be sleepin like a phuckin fish outta water any minute now! ,0,lovebscott umm nope think im insomniac plus got flu lll sleepin like phuckin fish outta water minute -"has Finland sleeping for the night, not really enough time ",0,finland sleeping night really enough time -@lunafiko can't wait to try em but prolly have to wait until next weekend at the earliest ,0,lunafiko wait try em prolly wait next weekend earliest -Shiner is taking up all my bed and blankets! ,0,shiner taking bed blanket -@clarianne APRIL 9TH ISN'T COMING SOON ENOUGH ,0,clarianne april 9th coming soon enough -wants to cry ,0,want cry -I need to go to the bank tomorrow before I go broke... ,0,need go bank tomorrow go broke -"This earthquake in italy has me sadden. it's only three hours away from naples, where my family is ",0,earthquake italy sadden three hour away naples family -"i should be sleeping, i have a stressed out week coming to me. ",0,sleeping stressed week coming -@dragoneer Yea I am working tp hack my server to do the 12player thing for folks,0,dragoneer yea working tp hack server player thing folk -has hurt her ankle!! and is going to the dr ,0,hurt ankle going dr -@raymondroman oh noes. how did you manage to send something to the trash can AND empty it without noticing! i feel for ya ,0,raymondroman oh no manage send something trash empty without noticing feel ya -Lost my free copy of radioactive so can't put it on my ipod grr!And i can't go out + buy 'nother coz it came with that paper ,0,lost free copy radioactive put ipod grr go buy nother coz came paper -doing make up shit ,0,make shit -"Photoshop, I hate it when you crash ",0,photoshop hate crash -vacations makes me feel sick! ,0,vacation make feel sick -you shouldn't have gone ,0,gone -listening to Murd and 9th wonder- just chillen out missing my crazy sex life ,0,listening murd 9th wonder chillen missing crazy sex life -"@louie094: shooting!?!! be careful, luisa ",0,louie09 shooting careful luisa -@hillary006 I'm sure everyone has ruined my gift to you Whitney has my serious Cell #...We doing easter as well?,0,hillary00 sure everyone ruined gift whitney serious cell easter well -is at Beso in Hollywood... so tired ,0,beso hollywood tired -"I don't want to wake up early tomorrow. Damn you, work!",0,want wake early tomorrow damn work -just finished watching the movie Prayers for Bobby. Broke my heart ,0,finished watching movie prayer bobby broke heart -@syekr is myki really horrible? ,0,syekr myki really horrible -@stephenkruiser i had 2 put my dog down today too someone ran her over,0,stephenkruiser put dog today someone ran -@NevadaWolf Sorry to hear about your DNF run tonight. Always a risk to get bad coords on an FTF!! ,0,nevadawolf sorry hear dnf run tonight always risk get bad coords ftf -"@Honey3223 I did get some disgruntled people when I wrote my ESN, but the 1000 hits in one day made up for it. Bill pulls in 250 tops ",0,honey get disgruntled people wrote esn 000 hit one day made bill pull 0 top -"@moony394 OHH! OMG. LMAO. I'm crying right now, LOL! KUTNERRRR was the best! ",0,moony 9 ohh omg lmao cry right lol kutnerrrr best -came back from running and took a shower...why does my lower stomach still hurt after exercising? ,0,came back running took shower lower stomach still hurt exercising -watching Fallon with mom and working on a project...school is hard ,0,watching fallon mom working project school hard -56 min till home time and counting! I have a craving to visit the MAC store but they will have closed by the time I get there ,0,min till home time counting craving visit mac store closed time get -@stephenkruiser I am so sorry to hear that! Take care!,0,stephenkruiser sorry hear take care -@PaulColes hmmm...greed is good when it motivates the individual to do better-not so much when it takes away from others ,0,paulcoles hmmm greed good motivates individual better much take away others -"@GABBYiSACTiVE brat! You have to rub it in, don't you.... I want a mocha ",0,gabbyisactive brat rub want mocha -KUTNERRRR! WHY??? WHY?????? And to think that 13 is still on the show?? UGH. Kutner/Kal Penn - you've been the bright star in Ho ...,0,kutnerrrr think still show ugh kutner kal penn bright star ho -@redvinylgirl my mom has it. I wish you the best of luck ,0,redvinylgirl mom wish best luck -I so hate homeworks -.- My head hurts so bad ,0,hate homework head hurt bad -got the ebay blues! item i want jumped from no bidders to over $100 in an hour.. still has 3 hours to go. i'd better not get my hopes up ,0,got ebay blue item want jumped bidder 00 hour still hour go better get hope -@gigdiary I know - was a little depressed that we ate so much last night there were no leftovers today ,0,gigdiary know little depressed ate much last night leftover today -"well the pc in my living room suffered a fatal partion lost, all my itunes library is gone.. and some docs with pics.... ",0,well pc living room suffered fatal partion lost itunes library gone doc pic -sad day: manu out for the season ,0,sad day manu season -@stephenkruiser You poor spunky...its so sad...my Rotti made it to 10 and I had to go down the same path....I know how you feel ,0,stephenkruiser poor spunky sad rotti made 0 go path know feel -im sooo sad right now i need a hug,0,im sooo sad right need hug -"wants her step brother home im so worried, you dont even know. i hope he knows how much i care for him...",0,want step brother home im worried dont even know hope know much care -@heidimontag just got done watching the hills! loved it! excited for the next episode! and im sad this is the last season! ,0,heidimontag got done watching hill loved excited next episode im sad last season -@ryanmwilson aww that stinks! *hugs*,0,ryanmwilson aww stink hug -"I'm tired. I feel like crap. And the world feels all crummy. Make me happy, USB disco mouse. ",0,tired feel like crap world feel crummy make happy usb disco mouse -"i dont want to believe what im reading...buu,so sad ",0,dont want believe im reading buu sad -Wondering why gamebattles is down ,0,wondering gamebattles -White trash vs us... We were outnumbered. http://twitpic.com/2y3jp,0,white trash v u outnumbered http twitpic com jp -"@emitstop So true, I have it and don't use it ",0,emitstop true use -"Spring break is here at last, but no one is here to celebrate ",0,spring break last one celebrate -Morning! Bah Car won't start.. waiting for the ANWB.... ,0,morning bah car start waiting anwb -"@katebornstein which is pretty anti memorial tattoos but for all but the strictest, there's no official BAN, just disapproving family",0,katebornstein pretty anti memorial tattoo strictest official ban disapproving family -"Balamurugan, a longterm member of the team is leaving this month. We'll miss working with him hope he does well in his next venture",0,balamurugan longterm member team leaving month miss working hope well next venture -@JustGelo Its sad knowing how they found her body. What a crazy world we live in. No child deserves that ya know. ,0,justgelo sad knowing found body crazy world live child deserves ya know -"I wanna rock a Maxi dress @ Coachella, but lacking funding ",0,wan na rock maxi dress coachella lacking funding -Of course the baby is screaming in the crib the night before my first day back at work. So I let him cry it out? Boooo,0,course baby screaming crib night first day back work let cry boooo -"I am home missing my baby Busy week ahead Fri is a chill day with my guy and kids, Egg hunt Sat, Spiral and DMB Sat night and Easter!",0,home missing baby busy week ahead fri chill day guy kid egg hunt sat spiral dmb sat night easter -@FollowSavvy I never found her. everytime I click on her twitter thing through your myspace..... it goes to some dude's page ,0,followsavvy never found everytime click twitter thing myspace go dude page -@stephenkruiser that's horrible sorryto hear that.,0,stephenkruiser horrible sorryto hear -@David_Henrie i cant find it! it says dtmafiaofficial doesnt exist!there's jus 1 dtmafia i found n u dun seem to b followin it wht to do?,0,david henrie cant find say dtmafiaofficial doesnt exist jus dtmafia found n u dun seem b followin wht -i thought you would support me on this ,0,thought would support -"augh, eff sarth i stole some of MIL's nail polish, its pretty! =o",0,augh eff sarth stole mil nail polish pretty -Wishes I was on the Spring Fling Tour with Dawn & neecee Sigh G'knight,0,wish spring fling tour dawn amp neecee sigh g knight -The Hoyts Distribution NZ website isn't working for me. Great. And it HAS to be like this when I need it most ,0,hoyts distribution nz website working great like need -@crummyasshole i don't like that they only had him in the first movie cillian murphy is hot ,0,crummyasshole like first movie cillian murphy hot -wishes for good old cartoons to come back. ie: Captain Planet! Where's Wally! Daria! (sadness ),0,wish good old cartoon come back ie captain planet wally daria sadness -not feeling v good abt myself ,0,feeling v good abt -i just got a text from sarah ,0,got text sarah -Another day at centre point - this time an early start so guessing train will be rammed with commuters ,0,another day centre point time early start guessing train rammed commuter -"Four games this fall: Modern Warfare 2, Halo 3 ODST, Brutal Legend, and Bioshock 2 I need more cash ",0,four game fall modern warfare halo odst brutal legend bioshock need cash -"@d_castillo ugh, that's disconcerting ",0,castillo ugh disconcerting -@Devinthedude007 actually the whole site has finally been taken over by those damn russians ,0,devinthedude00 actually whole site finally taken damn russian -MY TWEETS ARENT GOING THROUGH ,0,tweet arent going -"Just finished a delicious breakfast, my last in Paris I'll miss milk, europe has the tastiest milk in the world, I don't drink it in US.",0,finished delicious breakfast last paris miss milk europe tastiest milk world drink u -"iLearn is down and out, great considering finals are this week... ",0,ilearn great considering final week -@Carmonium i'm stressed outttt ,0,carmonium stressed outttt -Also I shouldve Bern asleep an hour ago ,0,also shouldve bern asleep hour ago -trying to figure out this twitter thing...none of my friends are on yet. Soo much to see.,0,trying figure twitter thing none friend yet soo much see -Re-pinging @Kyle44: Custom icons I made! =] look cool but the edges could be less square might look bad on a diff background,0,pinging kyle custom icon made look cool edge could le square might look bad diff background -I want to be back in LA ,0,want back la -@enterbelladonna i dunno how to use the forum and i get frustrated with it. i'll miss talking to you on here. ,0,enterbelladonna dunno use forum get frustrated miss talking -@lilbucknuts41 not an option ,0,lilbucknuts option -@georgeruiz Unfortunately one of those moments wasn't a giant squid monster. ,0,georgeruiz unfortunately one moment giant squid monster -@thestar_rage I want one too is the branch in MidV open too?,0,thestar rage want one branch midv open -"@daNanner aw, sorry to hear that. ",0,dananner aw sorry hear -"Change of plans, we ordered Macs instead. Time to hit the books! ",0,change plan ordered mac instead time hit book -@polhillian YUP. ,0,polhillian yup -@NKDreamer did you see Donnie's tweet stats? almost 700 @ replies...and no JRK ,0,nkdreamer see donnie tweet stats almost 00 reply jrk -"@tim_grainger nah, I haven't received my stimulus yet ",0,tim grainger nah received stimulus yet -@ikimb0 i just seen ur tweet . plz write bak if u get this. i havnt got one reply bak ,0,ikimb0 seen ur tweet plz write bak u get havnt got one reply bak -@McCainBlogette Awwwww and you were trying to go to sleep 3 hours ago ,0,mccainblogette awwwww trying go sleep hour ago -"@stephenkruiser I'm so sorry to hear that. It's always sad when we lose those close to us, as we loved them.",0,stephenkruiser sorry hear always sad lose close u loved -cant sleep but im still feelin like a piece of shit ,0,cant sleep im still feelin like piece shit -@stephenkruiser oh my sympathies. it's a hard decision. i always hope my old border collie will go in her sleep. she's 14 too. *hug*,0,stephenkruiser oh sympathy hard decision always hope old border collie go sleep hug -@josephheustess ...well there was this really cool part where... i wont spoil it ,0,josephheustess well really cool part wont spoil -@limbecky I'm doing the time warp without you and am sad. ,0,limbecky time warp without sad -"@theresawhite this is true, lol but it's still a slap in the face after such a warm end of march ",0,theresawhite true lol still slap face warm end march -I hate converting movies just to put em on my itouch ,0,hate converting movie put em itouch -gross i have a pimple ,0,gross pimple -@Torturedlady yea ma'naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam (marwan accent) lol,0,torturedlady yea naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam marwan accent lol -one less follower tonight ,0,one le follower tonight -@Unholyknight so did your mom last night. brb while I figure out whether I just burned you or myself the most.,0,unholyknight mom last night brb figure whether burned -I feel like I am the only "twitterer" not on TweetDeck. ,0,feel like quot twitterer quot tweetdeck -@Wyldceltic1 He has Karate tournament in 8 weeks ,0,wyldceltic karate tournament week -going to sleep can't be up until 1am again...and no I didn't finish my statistics homework! ,0,going sleep finish statistic homework -North carolina baby!! Aint nothin stopping them but the nba draft ,0,north carolina baby aint nothin stopping nba draft -Can't sleep again ,0,sleep -"I reaaly miss john mayer's twitters. fuck rude people. Remove him if you don't like his tweets, bitchfucks.",0,reaaly miss john mayer twitter fuck rude people remove like tweet bitchfucks -is going to have a late one at MQU today ,0,going late one mqu today -im so tired of work...i need a life.... ,0,im tired work need life -"just leavin work, my feet hurt ",0,leavin work foot hurt -@PlayRadioPlay that was so sad and unexpected. i totally cried haha.,0,playradioplay sad unexpected totally cried haha -Superneej: Morning! Bah Car won't start.. waiting for the ANWB.... ,0,superneej morning bah car start waiting anwb -Still doing my homework!!! ,0,still homework -A little sad ,0,little sad -@deepbluesealove My Mom & Dad both get up around 6...too early for me ,0,deepbluesealove mom amp dad get around early -should've been asleep two hours ago ,0,asleep two hour ago -@stephenkruiser So sorry to hear about your dog. ,0,stephenkruiser sorry hear dog -"Funny how the little things make me homesick, criminals breakn n2 a brownstone on LawNOrd CI made me misty ",0,funny little thing make homesick criminal breakn n brownstone lawnord ci made misty -"@djsoulsister yeah, great vid. I had the 12" single, but sold it a few years ago ",0,djsoulsister yeah great vid quot single sold year ago -im on val's mac in iitsc clubroom. still sweating ,0,im val mac iitsc clubroom still sweating -@stephenkruiser awww so sad!!! I'm so sorry!!,0,stephenkruiser awww sad sorry -UpdatingFFE. That gives me nothing to do for a good twenty minutes!,0,updatingffe give nothing good twenty minute -"Hot compress not rily workng for pulled muscle gng to bed, good night",0,hot compress rily workng pulled muscle gng bed good night -Have an invite for "Healthy Dining" session at Ashok Hotel today with Exec Chef R.Chopra but damn workload - will have to skip it! ,0,invite quot healthy dining quot session ashok hotel today exec chef r chopra damn workload skip -@stephenkruiser I'm so sorry to hear about your dog wishing you happier days to come!,0,stephenkruiser sorry hear dog wishing happier day come -@hellivina I miss 'em too. ,0,hellivina miss em -"@misstoriblack cool , i have no tweet apps for my razr 2",0,misstoriblack cool tweet apps razr -I'm off too bed. I gotta wake up hella early tomorrow morning. ,0,bed got ta wake hella early tomorrow morning -still procrastinating... i hate organizing my clothes there's just so much....,0,still procrastinating hate organizing clothes much -"Just been playing with the new Mobbler v0.4.0 and it adds some great new features, but won't play music on my E71, like v0.3.5 did ",0,playing new mobbler v0 0 add great new feature play music e like v0 -@latroneb oh but there's one bestie missing ,0,latroneb oh one bestie missing -"@esuriospiritus time to come back to flawda for double dates! no, seriously, i'm sorry to hear that. ",0,esuriospiritus time come back flawda double date seriously sorry hear -I'm up way to late to be working for a client 12:10 AM #fb,0,way late working client 0 fb -blegghhhh i have to go to work ,0,blegghhhh go work -Back at work @ John Muir Dr http://loopt.us/KoqAbg,0,back work john muir dr http loopt u koqabg -@DAChesterFrench I emailed you yesterday and u never responded ,0,dachesterfrench emailed yesterday u never responded -It's going to be a long year for A's fans. ,0,going long year fan -Just got done watching the new House episode.Definitely one of the saddest episodes ever. ,0,got done watching new house episode definitely one saddest episode ever -Man... taxes suck. I'm horrified that i did something wrong on them. TurboTax decided to keep around a lot of the stuff I turned off. ,0,man tax suck horrified something wrong turbotax decided keep around lot stuff turned -Sleep time. Tomorrow is gonna suck ,0,sleep time tomorrow gon na suck -WTF Not Kutner! Oh I'm so pissed @ House. I mean really WTF ,0,wtf kutner oh pissed house mean really wtf -@AmberPacific i know i dont know why i said that ,0,amberpacific know dont know said -CASH RULES EVERYTHING AROUND ME ,0,cash rule everything around -Just picked up some oats from the market to eat for breakfast with my boy @adamgoldston now time to do work at USC... late night ,0,picked oat market eat breakfast boy adamgoldston time work usc late night -i feel sick too much icecream,0,feel sick much icecream -@faithgg45 this computer doesn't have shockwave...blah no account yet,0,faithgg computer shockwave blah account yet -@RubyRose1 awww wish i could go! but its in sydney ,0,rubyrose awww wish could go sydney -@luxuryprgal hahaha suriously! I feel like everyone knows this show is a joke except lc! ,0,luxuryprgal hahaha suriously feel like everyone know show joke except lc -"I just can't spell today, i totally suck ",0,spell today totally suck -are you vaccinated against chicken-pox?should I vaccinate my 3 yr old?I am SO confused about this damn thing ,0,vaccinated chicken pox vaccinate yr old confused damn thing -@ school at least last day!!!!!!,0,school least last day -Yawwwn! Gotta get up early tomorrow who's ready for the weekend???,0,yawwwn got ta get early tomorrow ready weekend -i miss being at home for calving season...sad that black one died this morning wish i had some bottle calves!,0,miss home calving season sad black one died morning wish bottle calf -@stephenkruiser i so sorry for your loss. my brother dog sam is sick w/cushings disease. ,0,stephenkruiser sorry loss brother dog sam sick w cushing disease -Back to work. I get to spend the next 8 hours alone in the dispatch room ,0,back work get spend next hour alone dispatch room -"there's a new kind of starburst: favereds. sounds fab, bc cherry and strawberry are MY fav red's but they added watermellon and its yucky ",0,new kind starburst favereds sound fab bc cherry strawberry fav red added watermellon yucky -"Well, so much for being productive on my 2 days off from Angels ",0,well much productive day angel -@andreabakes Oh gee - insomnia sucks Have you tried melatonin?,0,andreabakes oh gee insomnia suck tried melatonin -@vivekg86 Good to hear that we have support in NetBeans. But then its NetBeans you know ,0,vivekg good hear support netbeans netbeans know -@heidimontag I wish we would get it the same time at the rest of world. unfornately I am in Cairo and have to wait for mtva to play it ,0,heidimontag wish would get time rest world unfornately cairo wait mtva play -heartbroken over little sandra. prayers are with the family. ,0,heartbroken little sandra prayer family -"@hadtobeyou I'm at 900 words, it's all can do I'll finish tomorrow maybe",0,hadtobeyou 900 word finish tomorrow maybe -@shortiethug how come ur background covers the screen but mine is in the corner? ,0,shortiethug come ur background cover screen mine corner -"Wrote exactly three lines of dialogue tonight, then gave up. ",0,wrote exactly three line dialogue tonight gave -@ashman01 My only complaint about Facebook is they've changed it so much it's confusing ,0,ashman0 complaint facebook changed much confusing -Sliced my finger ,0,sliced finger -going thru town and traffic on bypass is stink ,0,going thru town traffic bypass stink -Ugh can't sleep. Wish i had a good cuddle to Make me ass out ,0,ugh sleep wish good cuddle make as -I hate when software update downloads updates without telling me. I never know what's downloading when it is ,0,hate software update downloads update without telling never know downloading -went to ihop again. Great for a diet At least there were no kung foo pancakes this time. -Rachel-,0,went ihop great diet least kung foo pancake time rachel -The internet is hating me. Night i s'pose. ,0,internet hating night pose -@contactabe I'm so jealous. I missed all of opening day this year ,0,contactabe jealous missed opening day year -It's so cruel having to wait for reviews to come in. So far it looks like Star Trek will be the best film of the year!,0,cruel wait review come far look like star trek best film year -"Debating if I should just shower now, so I can sleep a little later tomorrow ",0,debating shower sleep little later tomorrow -My stress always culminates with physical pain. ,0,stress always culminates physical pain -need to sleep. but cant ,0,need sleep cant -my little pinky finger hurts so much.. ,0,little pinky finger hurt much -@sarahsaturday I'm sorry your gift card ran out.... That suck. ,0,sarahsaturday sorry gift card ran suck -home for spring break. no one is home tho ,0,home spring break one home tho -I accessed oneindia.mobi from a Google phone (Android). It doesn't support Indic languages ,0,accessed oneindia mobi google phone android support indic language -Why does school take over your life so much you don't get sleep anymore .. I am still doing school work and have more to do as well,0,school take life much get sleep anymore still school work well -@MTsiaklides aw I wish I could! I can't really speak to my yia yia because she doesn't speak english ,0,mtsiaklides aw wish could really speak yia yia speak english -@winggato no free comp lol ,0,winggato free comp lol -getting ready to clean the house from top to bottom ,0,getting ready clean house top bottom -crying my friend is moving away tomorrow ,0,cry friend moving away tomorrow -@swiftkaratechop STOP NOMNOMS!!!! ..you didn't share! Night peoples!!,0,swiftkaratechop stop nomnoms share night people -"thinks she is getting a cold that she caught from Daddy. Oh no, my trip would be ruined. ",0,think getting cold caught daddy oh trip would ruined -@moony394 yeah is it bcoz kal penn is a visiting lecturer somewhere n cant be on the show anymore? im gonna miss him ,0,moony 9 yeah bcoz kal penn visiting lecturer somewhere n cant show anymore im gon na miss -So the procrastination starts early in the quarter. I don't want to reaaaaad and write a paper ,0,procrastination start early quarter want reaaaaad write paper -What? Apparently it's 52 degress at 11pm in Washington State. I miss winter already ,0,apparently degress pm washington state miss winter already -being bored at homee ,0,bored homee -massage was great. i just spilled coke all over my desk lame. watching the simpsons as i've finished all my hills dvds.,0,massage great spilled coke desk lame watching simpson finished hill dvd -@nick_carter I will wait for you at fanclub chat.. even tough you're not my favorite ,0,nick carter wait fanclub chat even tough favorite -has a mild left inner ear infection.. and its got this irritating "blocked" feeling since sunday.. ,0,mild left inner ear infection got irritating quot blocked quot feeling since sunday -@JaneBodehouse Hey there! Nope. My cuteness @HoytFortenberry is away for awhile ,0,janebodehouse hey nope cuteness hoytfortenberry away awhile -It's only tuesday ,0,tuesday -Haha not even yo. I just didn't know how to do that @thang to you on twitter Haha,0,haha even yo know thang twitter haha -Someones alarm clock or a phone woke me up at 3am...Still got my headache from yesterday night ,0,someone alarm clock phone woke still got headache yesterday night -@kalichosich awww poor puppy is she ok? ,0,kalichosich awww poor puppy ok -i might break down and eat some buffalo wings tomorrow ,0,might break eat buffalo wing tomorrow -"Sittin here w/Kayla, I really really reallly dis-like having a brother. He doesn't know when to stop. I'm waiting for the day when one of",0,sittin w kayla really really reallly dis like brother know stop waiting day one -Fed bokkie too many birthday treats-sicko ,0,fed bokkie many birthday treat sicko -"'s Kinda Bummed. An Agency Just Told Me That I Didn't Have The 'LOOK' That They Were Going For. Ladies, Please Help Me Create The 'LOOK' ",0,kinda bummed agency told look going lady please help create look -Work laptop is officially dead .. Not happy at all.. ,0,work laptop officially dead happy -"My goodness, it's freezing down here !!!!! ",0,goodness freezing -@heidimontag why do you put up with him!!!!! You should listen to your mom ,0,heidimontag put listen mom -is stucked in Paris and can't even travel into France (for work) ,0,stucked paris even travel france work -"@JoannaFBeckett, i don't think there's one close by. Last time I checked, the closest one was 70 miles away! ",0,joannafbeckett think one close last time checked closest one 0 mile away -aaaaand back to my literature review At least i have a friendly cup of coffee to keep me company.,0,aaaaand back literature review least friendly cup coffee keep company -I am worried that I won't get my $900 even though I paid a buttload of tax last year ! ,0,worried get 900 even though paid buttload tax last year -"Okay, so.. STILL NO SCHOOL!!!! ",0,okay still school -IS PHONELESS ...NOW OFF TOO SLEEP,0,phoneless sleep -"Reeked of alcohol at the dentist this morning + was drunk when i put on my tshirt, realised it had a huge stain. Dentist looked disgusted ",0,reeked alcohol dentist morning drunk put tshirt realised huge stain dentist looked disgusted -it is really cold ,0,really cold -cant sleep she wants to dream!!,0,cant sleep want dream -Can't sleep I hate these nights when I try to go to bed early and stay awake for hours. Poo!,0,sleep hate night try go bed early stay awake hour poo -@rootbeersoup Yeah. Too bad people like a certain burrito-eating man exist. ,0,rootbeersoup yeah bad people like certain burrito eating man exist -@Cronotriggers that's sad.,0,cronotriggers sad -just found out that my mum and my adopted auntie are on twitter.. check them out my mum is TessM64 and my awesome as auntie is tania38,0,found mum adopted auntie twitter check mum tessm awesome auntie tania -"Cannot sleep....WIDE AWAKE!!...and I gotta go to work later too. Boy, am I going to have a crappy day. ",0,sleep wide awake got ta go work later boy going crappy day -struggling with eam law ,0,struggling eam law -Why can't I sleep like her http://twitpic.com/2y3ty,0,sleep like http twitpic com ty -Bouts to start 24. Poor linny couldn't keep her eyes open. she tired and has to work tomorrow morning. Night @ilovefatsusan.,0,bout start poor linny keep eye open tired work tomorrow morning night ilovefatsusan -My 4 year old (18 year old) is driving me around the twist...i don't want to be like this ,0,year old year old driving around twist want like -"Well, that sucked. ",0,well sucked -i have to be out of my place in 3 days...any help i can get packing/painting/cleaning is much appreciated. oh. and RIP my wall ,0,place day help get packing painting cleaning much appreciated oh rip wall -"Opening a partially frozen beer= Beer on the toaster, under the oven and all over the counter. The kitchen smells like we run a speakeasy ",0,opening partially frozen beer beer toaster oven counter kitchen smell like run speakeasy -@stewiebrittany no i dont even know how to ride it,0,stewiebrittany dont even know ride -"@MonaSmith sadly, yes. i think i need counciling now ",0,monasmith sadly yes think need counciling -"making myself ready for school...don't feel like going, but have two tests ",0,making ready school feel like going two test -Smugness gone. My train also failed to turn up so I'm heading for Victoria followed by an unpleasant tube ride to the City. ,0,smugness gone train also failed turn heading victoria followed unpleasant tube ride city -Anybody know where my iPod went? ,0,anybody know ipod went -"aww this earthquake in Italy has made me sad just saw the pics on the news, it's terrible.",0,aww earthquake italy made sad saw pic news terrible -@lilibat never been able to afford to get them out. I'd much rather go through the extraction than continue with what I deal with now. ,0,lilibat never able afford get much rather go extraction continue deal - Why do other pet care people try to run others out of business? Or send suspicious e-mails fishing for info?,0,pet care people try run others business send suspicious e mail fishing info -@kameelahwrites <33 codez....they've been MIA tho ,0,kameelahwrites lt codez mia tho -@reannaremick doesnt work on my cell go to sleep! =P,0,reannaremick doesnt work cell go sleep p -it's going to be nice again tomorrow and then the rain comes back. no nice weather for my birthday ,0,going nice tomorrow rain come back nice weather birthday -@taliasunset rock band is hard..on expert!!! ,0,taliasunset rock band hard expert -@beachbassbone: roomie was home all day. All he had to do was scratch at the door. Comforter has to goto large laundromat machines. ,0,beachbassbone roomie home day scratch door comforter goto large laundromat machine -"One of the hardest thing with this schedule, no one I can chat with at the end of my day usually ",0,one hardest thing schedule one chat end day usually -they killed off a character on one of my favorite shows and now i'm upset ,0,killed character one favorite show upset -jealous of my friends who got to see the new Star Trek film in Austin tonight. ,0,jealous friend got see new star trek film austin tonight -Listening to Q! I got a really bad headache and a drivin lesson in ten mins.... Lucky me i just wana sleeep! ,0,listening q got really bad headache drivin lesson ten min lucky wana sleeep -"@Steve_Buscemi SHUT UP you...I am hungry! And in Britain, home of the most boring suckassy breakfast in the world! I MISS DENNYS!!",0,steve buscemi shut hungry britain home boring suckassy breakfast world miss dennys -good morning everybody! pkoi y fais pas beau bon coffee time!,0,good morning everybody pkoi fais pa beau bon coffee time -work again ,0,work -Essay time.... ,0,essay time -@chauncey78 hey did u talk to mom.. r they home yet? i hope they r ok.. wish i was coming home 4 easter.. ,0,chauncey hey u talk mom r home yet hope r ok wish coming home easter -"@endearingevania I sure wish I could go with you guys tmrw. But as per usual, school interferes. ",0,endearingevania sure wish could go guy tmrw per usual school interferes -@widyatarina say what??? kal penn's leaving house?! noooooo!!! awww... i totally missed it tonight ,0,widyatarina say kal penn leaving house noooooo awww totally missed tonight -no! i lost a loyal ,0,lost loyal -played another hand very bad and lost half my stack ,0,played another hand bad lost half stack -It's 6.20pm - early days in a looooooong night at work ,0,0pm early day looooooong night work -@yaykimo It's sad it's the last season. I wanna see when Spencer calls Lauren!,0,yaykimo sad last season wan na see spencer call lauren -So Im done editing "The Phipstape". Back 2 crack a brew and see what we got............. no trees though ,0,im done editing quot phipstape quot back crack brew see got tree though -@rj i don't know what half of that means ,0,rj know half mean -homework homework homework ,0,homework homework homework -"worked his heart out today, doubling my weight at each station. Result: Stiff and pulled muscles... OUCH! ",0,worked heart today doubling weight station result stiff pulled muscle ouch -@MeLaMachinko now i feel bad for unfollowing. ,0,melamachinko feel bad unfollowing -"So... Tired... God I hate the new job, and only two days in ",0,tired god hate new job two day -Sad about Kutner being killed off my fav show House! ,0,sad kutner killed fav show house -happy for Coach Stringer (HOF c/o 2009!)...now if I can only finish my term paper on her ,0,happy coach stringer hof c 009 finish term paper -I feel like shit. This is NOT the way I want to spend my birthday's eve ,0,feel like shit way want spend birthday eve -"so far i have 311 on all my sites put together, most of them were me checking out the updates i made......",0,far site put together checking update made -has a lot on her mind. I needs to make some moneys. And ideas. Nowhere is hiring! ,0,lot mind need make money idea nowhere hiring -@emiliexclarkex miss you ,0,emiliexclarkex miss -@stephenkruiser I'm so sorry to hear about your dog ,0,stephenkruiser sorry hear dog -Too much internet. How it plagues me ,0,much internet plague -i miss my ex soo much ,0,miss ex soo much -Sodding M25 http://twitpic.com/2y3y0,0,sodding http twitpic com y0 -oh I thought the pirate bay trial verdict was today :-s apparently it's in 10 days ,0,oh thought pirate bay trial verdict today apparently 0 day -@featherinair call me back. ,0,featherinair call back -"is in study hall now, and i will log off immediately. http://plurk.com/p/mzxbg",0,study hall log immediately http plurk com p mzxbg -it so tired that im crying for no reason at all. im about to try to get an hour and a half in for tonight. half what i got last night. ,0,tired im cry reason im try get hour half tonight half got last night -"I totally have like... four girl options, and none of them seem viable ",0,totally like four girl option none seem viable -"so far i have 311 veiws on all my sites put together, most of them were me checking out the updates i made......",0,far veiws site put together checking update made -Listening to Bjork's All is full of Love... crying ,0,listening bjork full love cry -"Omg the hills! Then I love money2, aww I think becky buckwild goes ",0,omg hill love money aww think becky buckwild go -is craving for some tantan nabe http://plurk.com/p/mzxcs,0,craving tantan nabe http plurk com p mzxcs -C'mon sean man ,0,c mon sean man -Watching "a league of their own"...makes me miss mint chocolate ice cream cones and my grand ma fuck.,0,watching quot league quot make miss mint chocolate ice cream cone grand fuck -"Lost my phone some where.maybe in the grass, its just so long, hope it doesn't rain ",0,lost phone maybe grass long hope rain -@tomatosalsa hope you aren't referring to me say hello to your new stalker LOL,0,tomatosalsa hope referring say hello new stalker lol -@brettyboo why were u sleeping?! Ur gonna be up all night now how was ur bike ride?,0,brettyboo u sleeping ur gon na night ur bike ride -"@SLessard But, but, but . . I wanna listen to the masters too! ",0,slessard wan na listen master -"@Sephystryx I've been looking about for good stuff to write, but also been doing loads of uni work ",0,sephystryx looking good stuff write also load uni work -i feel unloved. dropped 2 tweeters ,0,feel unloved dropped tweeter -"Off to London for the day on Thursday, it's gonna be raining, oh fab won't see much on the London Eye! Still Robbie won't care bless him",0,london day thursday gon na raining oh fab see much london eye still robbie care bless -Completely wiped and reloaded the 8900.... Lost all BBM contacts Going to bed sad.,0,completely wiped reloaded 900 lost bbm contact going bed sad -@mykele sayyyy whaaaa? I wasn't invited... ,0,mykele sayyyy whaaaa invited -Didn't sleep too bad considering I have a workshop starting today. Beginnings of a sore throat though ,0,sleep bad considering workshop starting today beginning sore throat though -@astewart87 oh my gosh that made me emotional haha idk why!!! i dont want to get old ,0,astewart oh gosh made emotional haha idk dont want get old -We're going to post some stories manually due to Twitterfeed problem. That's why we've been so quiet lately .... ,0,going post story manually due twitterfeed problem quiet lately -i don't like lukewarm showers ,0,like lukewarm shower -@linuxfoundation - Who should I contact if I need a 1099 for freelance work I did on Linux.com throughout 2008? Never got one. ,0,linuxfoundation contact need 099 freelance work linux com throughout 00 never got one -"@skylineking722 connor, it's me, febi are you really really mad at me??",0,skylineking connor febi really really mad -"Need some help?! Want to buy a Macbook pro, but still inlove with my old powerbook! ",0,need help want buy macbook pro still inlove old powerbook -@michaeltao man america is so .. borez anyway lol i just realized you sent me msgs on here. i had no idea. i have no flash ,0,michaeltao man america borez anyway lol realized sent msg idea flash -@hellivina @IHOPness g'knight lovely ladies. i'm sleepy now ,0,hellivina ihopness g knight lovely lady sleepy -Does anybody know how to get your electrolytes back in order? With a vitamin work? I feel sick. ,0,anybody know get electrolyte back order vitamin work feel sick -"@sudam08 yes, someone hasn't been reading my posts properly ",0,sudam0 yes someone reading post properly -Almost through with my Italian homework! Weeeeee.... now if I only understood what I was doing. ,0,almost italian homework weeeeee understood -Who turned the lights on? It will be time to get ip then ,0,turned light time get ip -@therealnph Twitter hates us both then. ,0,therealnph twitter hate u -I hate the fact that I'm genuinely excited about my last tweet ,0,hate fact genuinely excited last tweet -@celesteclara i can't sleep either ,0,celesteclara sleep either -"@TheBlondeTheory Between that and the Italy earthquake, it's been a very sad news day. ",0,theblondetheory italy earthquake sad news day -@champagnemanoir all rain today . Garden really needs it so not quite so bad.,0,champagnemanoir rain today garden really need quite bad -Yawn yawn yawn!! 10 more minutes in bed ,0,yawn yawn yawn 0 minute bed -@MajesticFlame ouch - sounds very sucky ,0,majesticflame ouch sound sucky -@bengottlieb Great idea with the iTunes promo codes - they don't work in the UK iTunes store though ,0,bengottlieb great idea itunes promo code work uk itunes store though -@mattycus *cry* ,0,mattycus cry -"@RumLover An empty rum barrel is a sad rum barrel. *shakes head* the horror, the horror. ",0,rumlover empty rum barrel sad rum barrel shake head horror horror -It was a sleepless night ,0,sleepless night -@BillyBush she admitted to being a fake ,0,billybush admitted fake -@BATMANNN i love chutney......,0,batmannn love chutney -got highly bored today scanning 24 pages for daddy. Had to do it! ,0,got highly bored today scanning page daddy -@misterphipps you cooked risotto without me!!??? ,0,misterphipps cooked risotto without -Keeeerrrrriiiiii!!!! I really have nothing better to do then post on this thing at 224am.....wonderfullll. Says alot.,0,keeeerrrrriiiiii really nothing better post thing wonderfullll say alot -YAY FOR BASEBALL SEASON! boo to yankees losing their first game ,0,yay baseball season boo yankee losing first game -LOST sucks ... because i have to work today,0,lost suck work today -omg exams killed me how could i not know the difference between haif a circle and a hemisphere </3 >,0,omg exam killed could know difference haif circle hemisphere lt gt -In bed... I suddenly feel I wish MA was here w/me... Goodnight TwitterFam,0,bed suddenly feel wish w goodnight twitterfam -@RachelCmrn I don't like goodnights ,0,rachelcmrn like goodnights -Greaaat my lappy won't turn on wtffffff,0,greaaat lappy turn wtffffff -"@M4RKM You stuck in traffic then? My journey was traffic free this morning, if it's any help.",0,rkm stuck traffic journey traffic free morning help -Lookin like an all-nighter. I hate it when I do this to myself ,0,lookin like nighter hate -@vernonhamilton You're a stranger ,0,vernonhamilton stranger -"Debbugging old VB6 code, the day could have started better . . . ",0,debbugging old vb code day could started better -@toddlington only a quarter of a percent babe darn,0,toddlington quarter percent babe darn -"Coming down with a cold or bad allergies. Either way, I'm miserable! ",0,coming cold bad allergy either way miserable -"Can't believe Cutner is dead on House! Sad day. in Santa Rosa, CA http://loopt.us/ORPL3A",0,believe cutner dead house sad day santa rosa ca http loopt u orpl -Damnit I was really digging this season of Reaper http://www.tv.com/story/13720.html?ref_story_id=13720&ref_type=1101&ref_name=story,0,damnit really digging season reaper http www tv com story 0 html ref story id 0 amp ref type 0 amp ref name story -"Gah, Comcast doubled our cable/internet bill w/out telling us, so we are quitting. Can anyone suggest an affordable company in bay area?",0,gah comcast doubled cable internet bill w telling u quitting anyone suggest affordable company bay area -"Another early morn with the Duchess, although she hadn't managed to cross her legs this time ",0,another early morn duchess although managed cross leg time -@alexbigman you left without saying hi! ,0,alexbigman left without saying hi -"l want, but I can't sleep ",0,l want sleep -"@TracyDowds When an Xbox shows those three red lights, it means it's dead and needs to be fixed for a month at Microsoft HQ. ",0,tracydowds xbox show three red light mean dead need fixed month microsoft hq -"A king sized bed is nice but sad and lonely with no hubby, puppy, or kitty I am over this whole conferenceing thing.",0,king sized bed nice sad lonely hubby puppy kitty whole conferenceing thing -im boredd. gah i wish i could just sleep and get it over with but ive had toooo muchh cooooffffeeeeeeeee bahaha,0,im boredd gah wish could sleep get ive toooo muchh cooooffffeeeeeeeee bahaha -@whyinthehell If I may butt in again. I'm done being nosey. sorry your conversation was just so interesting!,0,whyinthehell may butt done nosey sorry conversation interesting -@smokey_robinson you fell off my list...did I offend you? ,0,smokey robinson fell list offend -"18 weeks till sisters home.. i missed her call, again! its the worst feeling in the world. ",0,week till sister home missed call worst feeling world -gonna try to get some sleep in this hotel room ,0,gon na try get sleep hotel room -@chimpytwit brilliant idea. just bring as much as you think you'll spend & I'll swap you. bring a brolly ,0,chimpytwit brilliant idea bring much think spend amp swap bring brolly -@SimoneKali Get me an autograph and shout out! You have to record it though. My computer is dead so I can't listen. ,0,simonekali get autograph shout record though computer dead listen -rt @KimKardashian Khloe just got fired from the Apprentice ,0,rt kimkardashian khloe got fired apprentice -in biology class. my lip hurts ,0,biology class lip hurt -Sorry for the next tweet... ,0,sorry next tweet -Grr not down to go to school today ,0,grr go school today -@jennlopez I had to get an HD tivo and just got it set up tonight in order to get channels 40 - 59. ,0,jennlopez get hd tivo got set tonight order get channel 0 9 -@mouthsex i asked everyone how they were doing yesterday and not a single tweet back ,0,mouthsex asked everyone yesterday single tweet back -@adame ruddy money!! i like it!! still waiting here.... oh what a surprise... by state too?? hmmm....... seriously!! ,0,adame ruddy money like still waiting oh surprise state hmmm seriously -@Kal_Penn I am so sad Kutner was my favorite of the new team!!,0,kal penn sad kutner favorite new team -@MarcusMims wow i didn't get an "hello" u suck ,0,marcusmims wow get quot hello quot u suck -"bedtime, school tomorrow, and i still have no books being broke suckssss",0,bedtime school tomorrow still book broke suck -Seating here helping my baby with his papers...well he is forcing me too seat with him im sleepy,0,seating helping baby paper well forcing seat im sleepy -Synching my contacts from my old mobile to iPhone. Import does not work well ,0,synching contact old mobile iphone import work well -i can't concentrate ,0,concentrate -I've just spent 1 hour to enter all the bureaucratic nonsense for March. What a waste of my time ,0,spent hour enter bureaucratic nonsense march waste time -Nw more confused then ever! ,0,nw confused ever -"Not feeling well again. Stupid migraine making my tummy upset. and my whole body aches, shoot me now.",0,feeling well stupid migraine making tummy upset whole body ache shoot -Reading Buyology before bedtime... great premise but only turning out to be an "OK" book - lots of info I already knew ,0,reading buyology bedtime great premise turning quot ok quot book lot info already knew -"Home! I really wana sleep, but due to wasting my free line in town I have an assignment to finish ",0,home really wana sleep due wasting free line town assignment finish -@hellobebe I also send some updates in plurk but i upload photos on twitter! you didnt see any of my updates on plurk? Zero? ,0,hellobebe also send update plurk upload photo twitter didnt see update plurk zero -omg... "The Reader" is making me ,0,omg quot reader quot making -"@cloudpimps d'oh! At least you're getting a decent exchange rate at the moment, sterling is still getting flogged ",0,cloudpimps oh least getting decent exchange rate moment sterling still getting flogged -tried to download tweetdeck but it wont download ,0,tried download tweetdeck wont download -There's an inch of snow on the ground (and counting). I'm worried about the poor flowers ,0,inch snow ground counting worried poor flower -@dweeman why aren't you a happy camper? ,0,dweeman happy camper -"@dkoenigs thanks man. I'm so very grateful. I feel unworthy of such attention, though, because I'm in this because of myself... ",0,dkoenigs thanks man grateful feel unworthy attention though -@t_wolfe i miss u too. i'm totally comin back tho! Lastnight was sooooooo much fun!,0,wolfe miss u totally comin back tho lastnight sooooooo much fun -@sniffinglue ohhh. I love it. ps I'm sad we didn't get to hang out ,0,sniffinglue ohhh love p sad get hang -And somehow I still end up in this place ,0,somehow still end place -"@kisluvkis oh that is very sad, poor boy. ",0,kisluvkis oh sad poor boy -"@JonathanRKnight @silver_tulip27 Um, that would be a hell no to the fugly poker dog pants on the cruise! Hi Jonathan, sorry I missed you ",0,jonathanrknight silver tulip um would hell fugly poker dog pant cruise hi jonathan sorry missed -I'm doing my homework. It's gosh darn hard!! ,0,homework gosh darn hard -definitely no vacation for me... http://plurk.com/p/mzygb,0,definitely vacation http plurk com p mzygb -'study group extraordinare' about to leave campus...some of torts outline finished-good thing-but sleepy as h*#@...will be back@ 7am ,0,study group extraordinare leave campus tort outline finished good thing sleepy h back -"Why can't airfare go down? Or, why do I have to live in Texas!! I don't know if I'll be able to make it to Iowa. ",0,airfare go live texas know able make iowa -@j_stricko I found it pretty frustrating. stupid monkeys ,0,j stricko found pretty frustrating stupid monkey -"@lenesha but Im not feeling well, mommy... ",0,lenesha im feeling well mommy -"@lovebscott Nope, I'm Right Along Wit' You! ",0,lovebscott nope right along wit -so a murder? gotcha. Cant believe it,0,murder gotcha cant believe -@nbensalem i'm sitting at my house and i'm sooo not looking forward to my one class tomorrow. ,0,nbensalem sitting house sooo looking forward one class tomorrow -"Ordered some maternity clothes online, which came today. I got something strange I didn't order, not in my size. And stuff is missing. ",0,ordered maternity clothes online came today got something strange order size stuff missing -@citizensheep ,0,citizensheep -@thesage1014 I wish I could! Gotta work though ,0,thesage 0 wish could got ta work though -@SeaGhostdesigns what happened to you on Saturday? You didnt show up... ,0,seaghostdesigns happened saturday didnt show -@GirlsGoneChild ,0,girlsgonechild -Can't fall asleep ,0,fall asleep -I have mouth ulcer so painful to talk and eat! ,0,mouth ulcer painful talk eat -"@danphelan Urgh, it was just the video, and they cut the Robots part!!! ",0,danphelan urgh video cut robot part -my dog can't move anymore. praying that he will be okay ,0,dog move anymore praying okay -@Kal_Penn you were pretty much my fave...not much reason to watch now ,0,kal penn pretty much fave much reason watch -@Artistbabee but tht's annoying &definitely not bitchy enough he def broke like everything in me. he prolly doesn't even kno oct. 5!,0,artistbabee tht annoying amp definitely bitchy enough def broke like everything prolly even kno oct -@mileycyrus hahaha dont be like that one time in NY when you got 30 mins of sleep then got sick love you!!,0,mileycyrus hahaha dont like one time ny got 0 min sleep got sick love -@normalguyguide I can't! I have so much to learn about WWI by tomorrow at noon! ,0,normalguyguide much learn wwi tomorrow noon -New Post! http://tinyurl.com/cexkqy,0,new post http tinyurl com cexkqy -@graemearcher I am sad about Innocent selling out too! ,0,graemearcher sad innocent selling -dang won't be able to get to any workshops run by web directions ,0,dang able get workshop run web direction -"@BenPritchett goodness me, how did you find me?? it's good to hear from you Ben! I still have your video game and book...I apologize ",0,benpritchett goodness find good hear ben still video game book apologize -Jap girls ? They're leaving! ,0,jap girl leaving -my poor little girl has a baaaad rash on her bum and isnt feeling good ,0,poor little girl baaaad rash bum isnt feeling good -@nicolerichie yes! we had the VHS. i cried when the old man died ,0,nicolerichie yes vhs cried old man died -"Argh, got up early for Girls Aloud on Freshly Squeezed and it was just the video ",0,argh got early girl aloud freshly squeezed video -"#travian Total cost of the atk for the aggressor: 273,310 resources all said and done. I'm guessing he's not going to let that slide. ",0,travian total cost atk aggressor 0 resource said done guessing going let slide -waiting for kelly's call. ,0,waiting kelly call -"mhm, not having a good day blah blah blah",0,mhm good day blah blah blah -"@octopuseatspie I GOT THE I CAN HAS CHEZBURGER BOOK FROM THE LOBO, AND YOU ARE NOT HERE TO LOOK AT IT WIF ME ",0,octopuseatspie got chezburger book lobo look wif -"I'm trying to work on my last assignment of the year, but I just can't get that spark. All I want to do is lay in the grass and read. ",0,trying work last assignment year get spark want lay grass read -@robertfperez ugh of course not Just thursday and friday..sat I have both kids,0,robertfperez ugh course thursday friday sat kid -@Kal_Penn OH MY GOSH. I'M STILL ~EMOTIONALLY~ DYING AT THE FACT THAT KUTNER'S GONE! Arggg. Kal ily. ,0,kal penn oh gosh still emotionally dying fact kutner gone arggg kal ily -@kaozdesign I think I found my face...unfortunately. You didn't find yours yet? ,0,kaozdesign think found face unfortunately find yet -seeing that shouldnt have made my stomach flip like it did ,0,seeing shouldnt made stomach flip like -Headache... Pleeeease go away ,0,headache pleeeease go away -@siddharth_ind yeah i do. i have an application that runs every few minutes to do that but its the add-ons. they conflict all the time ,0,siddharth ind yeah application run every minute add ons conflict time -Pretty good coaching with exceptional talent trounces exceptional coaching and pretty good talent. MSU ,0,pretty good coaching exceptional talent trounces exceptional coaching pretty good talent msu -I hate Tuesdays ,0,hate tuesday -@gracedent it's her "hair" I can't deal with ,0,gracedent quot hair quot deal -Feel like I'm stuck in a rut. Waiting to hear back from schools is killing me. Also decided to take a break from #wow for awhile.,0,feel like stuck rut waiting hear back school killing also decided take break wow awhile -i need new glasses...mines is hangnon 1 arm ,0,need new glass mine hangnon arm -Meat Week Day 3: Tummy hurts every night ,0,meat week day tummy hurt every night -Why isn't there a "fake" Verruca on Twitter?... Now i'm sad. ,0,quot fake quot verruca twitter sad -On the phone with the bestie than shower.. Confused I don't know what to do ,0,phone bestie shower confused know -"@Sirrah21 Aww poor froofroo, this is way too late for you ",0,sirrah aww poor froofroo way late -i miss my 808 fam ,0,miss 0 fam -@OfficialPRofOZ she sed puerto rican ,0,officialprofoz sed puerto rican -@JoeFernandez @klout your not thinking of selling are you? ,0,joefernandez klout thinking selling -"@simX Yeah. I always slow down at the end ��also, take that! I win.",0,simx yeah always slow end also take win -"@pornstartweet i wanna go, but I am only 20!!!! ",0,pornstartweet wan na go 0 -@LoveMeagan how i mss the snippet hun?..wts it of may i ask?..i wanna hear ,0,lovemeagan ms snippet hun wts may ask wan na hear -"I know! Big love, true blood and united states of tara have too long of waits between seasons! ",0,know big love true blood united state tara long wait season -@sensesdestroyer I wanna go to lamb of god ,0,sensesdestroyer wan na go lamb god -is sad she has lost her HN arm band...it just disappeared ,0,sad lost hn arm band disappeared -set my alarm to wake up... wanted to speak to my sis in Africa on Skype - I miss her sooo much ,0,set alarm wake wanted speak si africa skype miss sooo much -awh damn! my puppy has ticks ,0,awh damn puppy tick -"|H|ouse made me sad. Oh, Kutner ",0,h ouse made sad oh kutner -@_saffron Why not? :[,0,saffron -Why do I keep looking...I know that what I read is gonna hurt but I still look! I guess it's just a girl thing & I need to get over him. ,0,keep looking know read gon na hurt still look guess girl thing amp need get -needs hugs/snuggles... ,0,need hug snuggle -"@Health4UandPets saw the one with a GSD covered in them, and I could not stop crying. I just bawled and bawled ",0,health uandpets saw one gsd covered could stop cry bawled bawled -Rachel and jessy r making me work out thanks you guy,0,rachel jessy r making work thanks guy -I'm wishing I had more time ,0,wishing time -@mycaricature The only bit that got me really was when he said Babs was a bad mum I'm sure that hurts her even though she's laughing.,0,mycaricature bit got really said babs bad mum sure hurt even though laughing -I am not wanting to go to school tomorrow. ,0,wanting go school tomorrow -Used the term "Fail Whale" to a client on a pitch last night. From their incomprehension corp twitter is being done much lower in the org ,0,used term quot fail whale quot client pitch last night incomprehension corp twitter done much lower org -@rootbeerfloats8 You hate Billy now?! ,0,rootbeerfloats hate billy -On a 2-day work-week..fast-forward to Thursday please ,0,day work week fast forward thursday please -@snaprebelx omg i love that show. i would be so mad. i feel ur pain im sorry they spoiled it for u ,0,snaprebelx omg love show would mad feel ur pain im sorry spoiled u -Is it possible to die from coughing? It SUCKS being ill ,0,possible die coughing suck ill -cant believe i have to go all the way to Barnes for work today....instead of a 5minute walk to St Johns Wood ,0,cant believe go way barnes work today instead minute walk st john wood -@paulieseow hahahahahah i can easily make ice milo but its just not the same ,0,paulieseow hahahahahah easily make ice milo -why do both of my best friends have to be shitty simultaneously? Can u at least take turns hurting my feelings? jerks.. going 2 sleep.,0,best friend shitty simultaneously u least take turn hurting feeling jerk going sleep -My #art is regressing... ,0,art regressing -@onlysweeter I don't know the dance. ,0,onlysweeter know dance -@laurwee_boo im ok I guess had a hard day ,0,laurwee boo im ok guess hard day -Jade is looking for a new home... http://apps.facebook.com/dogbook/profile/view/4744827,0,jade looking new home http apps facebook com dogbook profile view -damnnn! i missed 11:11 ,0,damnnn missed -"@sarahprout tweetfinder hates me and I was having trouble with background on twitter,what do you think?",0,sarahprout tweetfinder hate trouble background twitter think -@Twilighter4Life lol yeh ill be studying stupid uni. only 2 more weeks and im on holidays! YAY! plus my birthday next week woot,0,twilighter life lol yeh ill studying stupid uni week im holiday yay plus birthday next week woot -"@transbay "SFMTA Budget Proposal Hearing: tomorrow, April 7 at 2:00 pm (City Hall, Room 400). Sadly, I cannot attend." Me neither. ",0,transbay quot sfmta budget proposal hearing tomorrow april 00 pm city hall room 00 sadly attend quot neither -is afraid that her G.I. notes will not read themselves. ,0,afraid g note read -*Sigh* Rain??? Why did you decide to show up? Move away! You were not invited to the Tuesday-party (this is not the start I hoped for),0,sigh rain decide show move away invited tuesday party start hoped -"_secretgarden_ I haven't gotten any porn spammers I don't check my followers, but haven't had any tweets like that.",0,secretgarden gotten porn spammer check follower tweet like -Somebody is selling the Japan only release of my first album on E Bay for $25. Damn thats it? A classic is worth more than that! ,0,somebody selling japan release first album e bay damn thats classic worth -@charleneli Disqus now integrates conversations on many platforms. haven't heard abt JS-Kit ,0,charleneli disqus integrates conversation many platform heard abt j kit -and they advertising fake louis bags as 100% authentic on google i'm pissed!,0,advertising fake louis bag 00 authentic google pissed -Can't sleep dam naps lol... and its hot,0,sleep dam nap lol hot -Why do I keep looking...I know that what I read is gonna hurt but I still look! I guess it's just a girl thing. ,0,keep looking know read gon na hurt still look guess girl thing -"@henrygooden @oddchicken I went there about a month and a half ago, was still open then. Smelt really good, but I was getting sick ",0,henrygooden oddchicken went month half ago still open smelt really good getting sick -is ready to go to bed..long day tomorrow ,0,ready go bed long day tomorrow -job searching.....FYI: Yahoo HOT JOBS suck! .. im never going to find a job ,0,job searching fyi yahoo hot job suck im never going find job -"No electricity today, so no tweets. ",0,electricity today tweet -@big_think Can Zack tell me how to edit my Bio/Profile? Why create a login at a different co's site to get an answer from BT TechHelp? ,0,big think zack tell edit bio profile create login different co site get answer bt techhelp -"Morning all, starving and dying for a cuppa but can't cos off to docs for fasting blood test in a little while ",0,morning starving dying cuppa co doc fasting blood test little -Very tired this morning - no idea why! Great start to the day ,0,tired morning idea great start day -"Morning All, I'm back from my little break from the computer. back to work again today ",0,morning back little break computer back work today -At mobilityvic.org launch. No grog nice video from PWC though,0,mobilityvic org launch grog nice video pwc though -still no "followers" please some1 inform me on how this works????,0,still quot follower quot please inform work -misses him right now. i need a hug ,0,miss right need hug -Tried to get up earlier today........didn't work out ,0,tried get earlier today work -Omg revisions revisions revisions! I feel like I wasted an amazingly beautiful day today doing pointless work ,0,omg revision revision revision feel like wasted amazingly beautiful day today pointless work -Foot is out of commission ouch! Running this morning did not help...not smart.,0,foot commission ouch running morning help smart -"About to shower, which I hope will wake me up at last. Oh, and the synth experiments yielded nothing last night ",0,shower hope wake last oh synth experiment yielded nothing last night -is really bored and really sleepy...and mad she can't find a custom lanyard maker that wont make me buy 1000000 minimum ,0,really bored really sleepy mad find custom lanyard maker wont make buy 000000 minimum -@cmykevin ooh nice! but williams sonoma already got to me. ,0,cmykevin ooh nice williams sonoma already got -I've finally given in. Now at Malaysian restaurant waiting for nasi lemak and teh Tarik. Mereka tak faham bm... http://twitpic.com/2y4bh,0,finally given malaysian restaurant waiting nasi lemak teh tarik mereka tak faham bm http twitpic com bh -Waitin 4 the theory test centre 2 open ,0,waitin theory test centre open -"got woken up this mornng at 7am - damn Lorry , van and car accident just outside on our main road also causing car alarms to go off. ",0,got woken mornng damn lorry van car accident outside main road also causing car alarm go -I think I need to get laid. Sad revolution I had earlier rofl ,0,think need get laid sad revolution earlier rofl -@ourcitylight that was so sudden!! ,0,ourcitylight sudden -Now i want Amanita ...someone made me feel unliving.,0,want amanita someone made feel unliving -@lanaRISQUE hahahahhha!! hows your food poisening going? has it gone away? ,0,lanarisque hahahahhha hows food poisening going gone away -@MissxMarisa haven't heard from Hannah at all yet!! it's very disappointing ,0,missxmarisa heard hannah yet disappointing -@hutsoncap everything alright?,0,hutsoncap everything alright -is procrastinating... i feel ill.. but don't want to go to bed. ,0,procrastinating feel ill want go bed -@danielhalpin Gonna try and find a sports bar to watch that at... not got a chance though I don't think ,0,danielhalpin gon na try find sport bar watch got chance though think -wants to go home and watch The Hills ,0,want go home watch hill -@sarmar I guess I'm out of funny ,0,sarmar guess funny -@moethebeat aww moe! I was planning on leaving tomorrow evening are you gonna be in town by chance?,0,moethebeat aww moe planning leaving tomorrow evening gon na town chance -"i wanna write, but i'm not cool enough to make up a storylineee. ",0,wan na write cool enough make storylineee -"@Gripping agreed! love the sound, but hates how everyone knows them ",0,gripping agreed love sound hate everyone know -@brendamew2 no art tomorrow. and nice to see you've joined twitter!,0,brendamew art tomorrow nice see joined twitter -"Sigh, I think my PMS is making my mind totally over-analyse things and making me sad ",0,sigh think pm making mind totally analyse thing making sad -@doriantaylor I had one outside my patio. I named him Rex. Then the gardner took him down. RIP Rex ,0,doriantaylor one outside patio named rex gardner took rip rex -Ooops. Just ate a panini from W-mart cold that says it needed to be thoroughly cooked. It didn't taste raw. I die nao from f. poisoning? ,0,ooops ate panini w mart cold say needed thoroughly cooked taste raw die nao f poisoning -Good morning for a very rainy France No gardening for me today.,0,good morning rainy france gardening today -"If ever there was a day for staying in bed, today is it ",0,ever day staying bed today -Got to take Cleo to the vets. Not sure what's wrong with her but she's feeling very sorry for herself. ,0,got take cleo vet sure wrong feeling sorry -"today is day 1 of my fast & i feel i may break b4 i go 2 bed i must hold out til the end of the wk! must stayed focused, wish me luck...",0,today day fast amp feel may break b go bed must hold til end wk must stayed focused wish luck -Extremely jealous... ,0,extremely jealous -@kimmyawesome Ohhhh that sucks I love the summer set.,0,kimmyawesome ohhhh suck love summer set -@daydee tell it you forgot your password & it will give you a new one. it's the only way I can prevent tons of spam ,0,daydee tell forgot password amp give new one way prevent ton spam -bedtime. wake up call at 7am ,0,bedtime wake call -So glad I made it through work - with an extra hour too and my paycheck. Still waiting on the one I lost though ,0,glad made work extra hour paycheck still waiting one lost though -"Mum's been taken to hospital, they don't know what's wrong, she's been vomiting since yesterday. Rushing back to get to the hospital ",0,mum taken hospital know wrong vomiting since yesterday rushing back get hospital -congested nose ,0,congested nose -Can't sleep. Need to talk to someone. ,0,sleep need talk someone -"@penalba por favor decime ke no estas involucrado en esa pagina nicatrolls, they're THE CANCER that's killing /b/ ",0,penalba por favor decime ke estas involucrado en esa pagina nicatrolls cancer killing b -"too cold and tired to write good twitter. everyone was obeying the cops tonight, total dissappointment. we were so close ",0,cold tired write good twitter everyone obeying cop tonight total dissappointment close -Lifee Gets Worsee && Worsee ,0,lifee get worsee amp amp worsee -@dnwallace - I am shuddering and shaking too ,0,dnwallace shuddering shaking -"Sorting brekkie for the kids then off to the horrible place called work, boohoo ",0,sorting brekkie kid horrible place called work boohoo -my condolences to natasha richardson's family ,0,condolence natasha richardson family -@LittleYellowJen what do don't think ily?? nawwww ,0,littleyellowjen think ily nawwww -Where's Derrick http://ff.im/-1XWXs,0,derrick http ff im xwxs -Needs to stop sleeping all day.. Causes some problems when you're wide awake at 2:45am... ,0,need stop sleeping day cause problem wide awake -missed today's ELLEN ,0,missed today ellen -I suddenly miss my Flintstones vitamin tablets SOOOO GOOOOD,0,suddenly miss flintstone vitamin tablet soooo gooood -@mattpro13 legitimately good cops out there ,0,mattpro legitimately good cop -@onlytosee Twitter's been doing that to me tooo. ,0,onlytosee twitter tooo -@pealuh I think I need to go to Twitterholics Anonymous...... ,0,pealuh think need go twitterholics anonymous -@lizhenry we haven't heard from her or sha. ,0,lizhenry heard sha -my heart has been broken. ,0,heart broken -i forgot how to sleep ,0,forgot sleep -Morning everyone! In serious need of some decent coffee.. why isn't the catering open yet at 08.30? ,0,morning everyone serious need decent coffee catering open yet 0 0 -@mostazzza Im sorry I've failed you ,0,mostazzza im sorry failed -@CodaQueen oh wait he does have 1 in Oakland on the 18th. Can't understand why he only has 1 & in Oakland ,0,codaqueen oh wait oakland th understand amp oakland -is missing talking to my bff on da phone!!!! ,0,missing talking bff da phone -wondering why I am so stupid Need to eat more fish I guess *sigh*...,0,wondering stupid need eat fish guess sigh -i miss my old friends from elementary ans middle school ,0,miss old friend elementary an middle school -@twitter please fix this http://sp2.ro/5b7bdb because it brakes all external twitter avatar searches ,0,twitter please fix http sp ro b bdb brake external twitter avatar search -looks like i've missed out on yet another job someone please employ me! Haha,0,look like missed yet another job someone please employ haha -"@tacce dang, I'll get HOUSE off iTunes. I hear it was a devastating episode ",0,tacce dang get house itunes hear devastating episode -Wow.... the shout box has kicked me out and I can't get back in. I guess this means good night ,0,wow shout box kicked get back guess mean good night -Slideshare's embed code is annoying me. Sorry about the tiny embed #fail,0,slideshare embed code annoying sorry tiny embed fail -@Flawless326 Why did my baby have to eat 3 prunes today and now he finally went ! My poor baby ,0,flawless baby eat prune today finally went poor baby -I'am bored. Nothing to do! ,0,bored nothing -morning all - 1st appointment of the day - the dentist ! ,0,morning st appointment day dentist -"@amyserrata he wrote most of the album, but ironically, the singles he did not write ",0,amyserrata wrote album ironically single write -Someone PLEASE take Gossip Girl away from me. I'm addicted ,0,someone please take gossip girl away addicted -good night swetdreamss to everyonee and jared never chat in kyte puff ,0,good night swetdreamss everyonee jared never chat kyte puff -Horrible sore throat hurts,0,horrible sore throat hurt -"Time to get dressed, I suppose...gah another workday ",0,time get dressed suppose gah another workday -"Not to self: licking off pudding from a seafood fork, not so enjoyable as slowly licking off of a spoon ",0,self licking pudding seafood fork enjoyable slowly licking spoon -All ready to go to the premier and just realized how under dressed I am ,0,ready go premier realized dressed -It just makes me happy! over and over again. I wish I wan't afraid to fly http://tinyurl.com/64skpp,0,make happy wish wan afraid fly http tinyurl com skpp -@Eyrro awwwww bummerr...sorry missed it again ,0,eyrro awwwww bummerr sorry missed -Waking up to the sound of jackhammers is not a pleasant way to start the day. ,0,waking sound jackhammer pleasant way start day -@almostcool i'm off now ,0,almostcool -"@jon8737 that just totally made my night, LMAO. They were like screaming at me and I couldn't focus on the 900 mph song ",0,jon totally made night lmao like screaming focus 900 mph song -Nevada is really long and the gas pumps are down But on a good note I just won $5 in a slot machine!! I love to gamble!!!,0,nevada really long gas pump good note slot machine love gamble -@amirrabennett nope. baby's due in 5th may! getting closer but still 1001 things not done ,0,amirrabennett nope baby due th may getting closer still 00 thing done -headache ,0,headache -is still effinggggg sick when will i get better?! ughh,0,still effinggggg sick get better ughh -Still in bed and don�t want to do anything else. University is callung too loud ,0,still bed want anything else university callung loud -seattle is in tents! i miss my T.O. peepz tho ,0,seattle tent miss peepz tho -It just makes me happy! over and over again! I just wish I wasn't afraid to fly http://tinyurl.com/64skpp,0,make happy wish afraid fly http tinyurl com skpp -Errrggggg! My tummy hurts. ,0,errrggggg tummy hurt -"thought it would be interesting to get F1 updates from Twitter, slightly regretting the decision, I can't see anyone elses's updates ",0,thought would interesting get f update twitter slightly regretting decision see anyone el update -ripped switcheasy colors ,0,ripped switcheasy color -We failed that song ,0,failed song - poor mel. Feeling your pain.,0,poor mel feeling pain -Ugh. still working on project just taking a small break,0,ugh still working project taking small break -The one day I have to go to school is the same day something exciting happens at parliament square ,0,one day go school day something exciting happens parliament square -@watko Shockingly not! ,0,watko shockingly -"Today was a less interesting day on Twitter. @cboyack , @igeldard , and @iidiocracy were all kind of quiet today ",0,today le interesting day twitter cboyack igeldard iidiocracy kind quiet today -@CourtneyBrwn awww thanks.. i hate being sick ,0,courtneybrwn awww thanks hate sick -VIP guests today -________-" blohheeee I HATE it ,0,vip guest today quot blohheeee hate -Up early ,0,early -WHAT THE FUCK YOUKU I WANT TO WATCH SKINS.,0,fuck youku want watch skin -i forgot my phone in my car but i'm too scared to go outside and get it. ,0,forgot phone car scared go outside get -I totally forgot we were going to do fisheye 2night What u doing Thursday.... Btw.... I'm so late with the hills... LOL,0,totally forgot going fisheye night u thursday btw late hill lol -totally shocked by the episode of house this eveing Lost one of my favorite characters.,0,totally shocked episode house eveing lost one favorite character -@offbytwo seeing a doctor i hope? ,0,offbytwo seeing doctor hope -didn't pass the first part of the CSET I missed it by 5 effing points!,0,pas first part cset missed effing point -"@KevinPeterson the 2G cases were like that. But scratches don't void your warrenty, dents do... As I found out ",0,kevinpeterson g case like scratch void warrenty dent found -"I have chapped lips, boo ",0,chapped lip boo -@ryleebeth ye im not very sad...but weirdly enough shes lettin me go 2 da party?? how confusing parents r?? lol,0,ryleebeth ye im sad weirdly enough shes lettin go da party confusing parent r lol -@Kimboinlimbo no chance of that coming back when it'd be 20 mins faster than the Javelins though ,0,kimboinlimbo chance coming back 0 min faster javelin though -bored and lonely ,0,bored lonely -Back to classic rainy Amsterdam days ,0,back classic rainy amsterdam day -feels like crying that's how sick i feel ,0,feel like cry sick feel -@Horrors_Wench Me toooooo! I feel like I've been on the verge of an anxiety attack all day. ,0,horror wench toooooo feel like verge anxiety attack day -"I woke up an hour ago ... Now I'm having a hard time going back to bed in Lakewood, CA http://loopt.us/rywlHQ",0,woke hour ago hard time going back bed lakewood ca http loopt u rywlhq -Going to sleep with lily and rocki <3 Johnathon is too busy watching batman movies http://twitpic.com/2y4j5,0,going sleep lily rocki lt johnathon busy watching batman movie http twitpic com j -@gaspitsnicole sigh me too mostly i midd hsnging out with my friends damn growing up : p,0,gaspitsnicole sigh mostly midd hsnging friend damn growing p -@mrskutcher *lol i wish i only had bad sync. in germany right now where the subtitles dont work at all. lol,0,mrskutcher lol wish bad sync germany right subtitle dont work lol -@AlyssaSpears I'm sorry. Maybe walking around all goofy at the store would help...HINT HINT! <3,0,alyssaspears sorry maybe walking around goofy store would help hint hint lt -@Contempted Did the heroics ever go through! If not sorry! ,0,contempted heroic ever go sorry -im so tired this morning and there was only cold shower water!not happy ,0,im tired morning cold shower water happy -"haha I've been with my grandma for 2 days. even she's about 5 houses away, I'll still miss her ",0,haha grandma day even house away still miss -clearing my desk... ,0,clearing desk -w/ every person there. I didn't get a pic my phone died but he signed my shirt so amazing words cannot describe should've skipped mel lol,0,w every person get pic phone died signed shirt amazing word describe skipped mel lol -is crying inside. Please oh please let it rain so warm.,0,cry inside please oh please let rain warm -@thecoolestout ,0,thecoolestout -"packing my overnight bag for tomorrow, going to the hospital ",0,packing overnight bag tomorrow going hospital -@gaspitsnicole sigh me too mostly i miss hsnging out with my friends damn growing up : p oh yeah i miss being able to spell too lol,0,gaspitsnicole sigh mostly miss hsnging friend damn growing p oh yeah miss able spell lol -@Glavas lol. U read my bio but spelt my name wrong DARYLO ... Ahem ;),0,glavas lol u read bio spelt name wrong darylo ahem -"Guten Morgen. Up and off to get ready to go to Phantasialand, Cologne. Yay! But booooo, last park of holiday ",0,guten morgen get ready go phantasialand cologne yay booooo last park holiday -@la_discoteca i just saw this im sorry ,0,la discoteca saw im sorry -: @nikicheong just reminded me that #KrispyKreme http://www.krispykreme.com.my/ has landed in Msia and has an ugly website ,0,nikicheong reminded krispykreme http www krispykreme com landed msia ugly website -@guykawasaki That's so sad for the goats. Wa-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!,0,guykawasaki sad goat wa ah ah ah ah ah -watching the roadworks develop outside the office that'll make me late for the next 10 weeks #fb,0,watching roadworks develop outside office make late next 0 week fb -at work w asma3 nawal in fe obeerate alwatan TV,0,work w asma nawal fe obeerate alwatan tv -I wish i could go 2 bed with out having 2 take an allergy pill. ,0,wish could go bed take allergy pill -@khqrightnow I heard them making announcements trying to find them. The mother looked so worried. ,0,khqrightnow heard making announcement trying find mother looked worried -I have to work alone on Saturday ...anyone wanna come keep me company? COUGH COUGH.,0,work alone saturday anyone wan na come keep company cough cough -ok... maybe i'll sleep for an hour or two. Then I MUST rise to work on my thesis ,0,ok maybe sleep hour two must rise work thesis -goodd nightt sweet dreams to everyonee jared neveerr chat on kyte lol,0,goodd nightt sweet dream everyonee jared neveerr chat kyte lol -"@TiffinyHogg I heard Timewarp was fantastic! Gutted I missed it, was playing @ egg ",0,tiffinyhogg heard timewarp fantastic gutted missed playing egg -"Wishing it wasn't 245 in the morning. sleeping is awesome, work is not, and I need to scrub my apt!",0,wishing morning sleeping awesome work need scrub apt -"@eileenb I had that a while back (http://tinyurl.com/dmukpr), and I know some other people that have too ",0,eileenb back http tinyurl com dmukpr know people -@baf03 hi steven! man it's only been a week and i'm ALREADY behind on school work ,0,baf0 hi steven man week already behind school work -@Weebeedee run was great thanks. Is very windy today so bike ride not an option this morning ,0,weebeedee run great thanks windy today bike ride option morning -@aniita_0517 Yes i did. That's a sad topic for me! haha... I am not going to the concert... It's very far and probably very expensive ,0,aniita 0 yes sad topic haha going concert far probably expensive -couple of mt texts didn't arrive here ,0,couple mt text arrive -"decided to rejoin aerobics cos I know I won't exercise if i don't. after paying for it, i only have RM3 left in my bag ",0,decided rejoin aerobics co know exercise paying rm left bag -@ientje89 aw i'm fine too thanks! yeah i miss you so much on the MFC but hope we can talk later on today kisses :huglove:,0,ientje 9 aw fine thanks yeah miss much mfc hope talk later today kiss huglove -@hartym looks interesting but lot of 500 errors on the documentation website ,0,hartym look interesting lot 00 error documentation website -@Kal_Penn You were my favorite. You did an excellent job.,0,kal penn favorite excellent job -This breaks my heart Navy Seal Marcus Luttrell's doggy http://www.rightpundits.com/?p=3669 I am filled with rage.,0,break heart navy seal marcus luttrell doggy http www rightpundits com p 9 filled rage -argh ive eaton so so much today ,0,argh ive eaton much today -zurich does not have smelly bags anymore ,0,zurich smelly bag anymore -"in the university, in the classroom, on the computer... shit my day is boring ",0,university classroom computer shit day boring -I want to get back in bed ,0,want get back bed -@fanofbsb4ever Sorry you missed it ,0,fanofbsb ever sorry missed -Worst burn of my life! so sick ,0,worst burn life sick -"@PriscillaCruz So funny because I watched 'Only The Strong' today, what are the chances? I miss Capoeira Zoom Zoom!",0,priscillacruz funny watched strong today chance miss capoeira zoom zoom -It's official! I'm going to have an educational summer. Owh God. Bless me ,0,official going educational summer owh god bless -@avisionofbeauty your phone doesn't like it sorry,0,avisionofbeauty phone like sorry -too much to do not enough motivation ,0,much enough motivation -@missoliviaa nooo brat. to the west coast hahaa quite making me sad ,0,missoliviaa nooo brat west coast hahaa quite making sad -"oh everyone is going to sleep, how much i wish i could its only 4.45pm, and im @ work!",0,oh everyone going sleep much wish could pm im work -"One thing I hate about dozing off in lects, I wake up to a sheaf of wet and badly smudged notes. ",0,one thing hate dozing lects wake sheaf wet badly smudged note -Sleepy head.. chances of actually sleeping? Slim to FUCKING NONE! ,0,sleepy head chance actually sleeping slim fucking none -Where has all my money gone?! ,0,money gone -Now I'm down to 10% battery! ,0,0 battery -@KristenjStewart just watched the trailer for adventureland on itunes looks so funny!! pity i don't think we get it in Australia ,0,kristenjstewart watched trailer adventureland itunes look funny pity think get australia -"I'm so tired, have to get up and go in to school during holidays for the 3rd time xxx",0,tired get go school holiday rd time xxx -"OMG, more than 360 people is the death toll in Italy ",0,omg 0 people death toll italy -@ThisismyiQ layin down...i dont feel well ,0,thisismyiq layin dont feel well -@SCC_Skwerl Aww how depressing! ,0,scc skwerl aww depressing -@TheBlondeTheory ditch in another parish. Some really sick people in this world. ,0,theblondetheory ditch another parish really sick people world -"Yo jimo i cant talk on aim anymore, its glitching ill cya later and i hope u see this",0,yo jimo cant talk aim anymore glitching ill cya later hope u see -I just gave an msu fan a car rental discount.. He looked so sad I just couldn't turn him away.. ,0,gave msu fan car rental discount looked sad turn away -"ordered a pita...it NEVR came! why they say the fax machine broke and the driver left, what about my empty BELLY ",0,ordered pita nevr came say fax machine broke driver left empty belly -Britney was fucking amazing!! After we just went back to the hotel...I hate travelling with cheapos. ,0,britney fucking amazing went back hotel hate travelling cheapos -"@powerpoole some people try to be tricky, some stop using twitter at all i guess it's as good as it gets! i had to try.",0,powerpoole people try tricky stop using twitter guess good get try -@dra6on now I am sad cos u r sad ,0,dra sad co u r sad -@gotobekiddingme I tried.....and failed ,0,gotobekiddingme tried failed -@ditty003 I'm looking at mine And I can't even get to it... School work sucks...atleast when u get home that's it LOL,0,ditty00 looking mine even get school work suck atleast u get home lol -AC/DC rocked last night. Back to reality today. 70000 people without homes and >150 dead in Italy ,0,ac dc rocked last night back reality today 0000 people without home gt 0 dead italy -"@heatherlibby Oh well, she seems like trouble. Christian Slater is trying to kill her at the moment.",0,heatherlibby oh well seems like trouble christian slater trying kill moment -Hoping I can get some decent sleep tonight since I didn't get any worth shittt last night Goodnight World! XOXO,0,hoping get decent sleep tonight since get worth shittt last night goodnight world xoxo -i want diana F+. it looks great... ,0,want diana f look great -i've got one of those spots that doesn't really show yet but hurts like hell and will no doubt be a beauty tomorrow ,0,got one spot really show yet hurt like hell doubt beauty tomorrow -@ekim1406 hehehe too bad they were separated ,0,ekim 0 hehehe bad separated -Babe aint callin ,0,babe aint callin -"@Hetty4Christ heh, yeah, I shakily conquered the ladder. Pointless job, tho. We're too far away to receive digital signal w/ antenna. ",0,hetty christ heh yeah shakily conquered ladder pointless job tho far away receive digital signal w antenna -"Good morning, hope everyone is feeling better than me.... this cold has really got hold now ",0,good morning hope everyone feeling better cold really got hold -"Train rammed, fellow commuters vile . Special derision reserved for the man who appeared out of nowhere to claim 'his' seat. Luggage rack ",0,train rammed fellow commuter vile special derision reserved man appeared nowhere claim seat luggage rack -@Kal_Penn I will miss you on the show... you were awesome! What a shock!! ,0,kal penn miss show awesome shock -talking to a boy hating work though ,0,talking boy hating work though -someone keep me up....im at work ,0,someone keep im work -@LarrissaR please don't leave. stay for grant's bday ,0,larrissar please leave stay grant bday -@DanielCalderonL yeaah I hate that! ,0,danielcalderonl yeaah hate -@pmelt the only bad thing about aids is you can only catch it once Id want to inflict more pain on the deadshits of this world.,0,pmelt bad thing aid catch id want inflict pain deadshits world -@childhoodflames whats wrong! ,0,childhoodflames whats wrong -"Off to bed now, sick n can't sleep but will try w/ help of meds :s ",0,bed sick n sleep try w help med -Blip.fm is down...I'm going back to normal tweeting for a while. ,0,blip fm going back normal tweeting -@Lilylauren I get sad when ppl shave their moustaches I don't know if I'd cry about it tho,0,lilylauren get sad ppl shave moustache know cry tho -Oh my gosh... Oh my gosh...Susy is going to kill me with her remedy. ,0,oh gosh oh gosh susy going kill remedy -Finally going to sleep and waking up early to study ,0,finally going sleep waking early study -I miss my friends from elementary and middle school ,0,miss friend elementary middle school -"@cyantificNHS Balls Although without the tunes, it's just a holiday then ;-)",0,cyantificnhs ball although without tune holiday -chick corea was tonight...and I missed it ...now she sobs,0,chick corea tonight missed sob -I'm going to love this season of the hills... I can tell! Spartans sucked. Goodnight!!,0,going love season hill tell spartan sucked goodnight -needs to study for quant and do legal process assessment for 2moro ,0,need study quant legal process assessment moro -"@itsangie i canceled it, with plane tickets, hotel stay and tickets.. it was close to $400 if we eat cheaply. man i soooo want to see O!",0,itsangie canceled plane ticket hotel stay ticket close 00 eat cheaply man soooo want see -"@polaroidskyline that sounds fair horrible. i was going to repeat myself, but i guess the text I just sent you would do it better. whee.",0,polaroidskyline sound fair horrible going repeat guess text sent would better whee -"@bivancamp aw, that suuuucks Sorry dear!",0,bivancamp aw suuuucks sorry dear -@NeYawn Yeah! Interview... Don't know even when it is... ,0,neyawn yeah interview know even -"@LFTA So ur just gonna delete me like that...Y do I feel like "Tom Cruise" on Jerry Maguire when he got fired right now, yo. LOL!",0,lfta ur gon na delete like feel like quot tom cruise quot jerry maguire got fired right yo lol -had the worst dream abt some turd face i used to date... ugh. it was awful. ,0,worst dream abt turd face used date ugh awful -@shresthayash ouch I can just imagine a toothpic in the eye or something ,0,shresthayash ouch imagine toothpic eye something -uh...I feel so lonely I wish my BFFWIAMC (Best Friend Forever Who Is Also My Cousin) has a Twitter,0,uh feel lonely wish bffwiamc best friend forever also cousin twitter -Why do people keep following me and then randomly stop? It makes me sad!,0,people keep following randomly stop make sad -Still feeling bleh... Spew burps and all ,0,still feeling bleh spew burp -hot deadline... ,0,hot deadline -"has to return the shirt she bought from Topshop bc she has $50 in her bank account that has to last her the rest of the month, life sucks ",0,return shirt bought topshop bc 0 bank account last rest month life suck -woke up at 6am far too early...more coffee then,0,woke far early coffee -is tooooooooo cold. ,0,tooooooooo cold -Why is it raining tomorrow night after it was sooo nice today?! Guess I should be thankful that I was able to enjoy it at least.,0,raining tomorrow night sooo nice today guess thankful able enjoy least -Michael Crichton ,0,michael crichton -CURSE MY SLOW INTERNET. I miss YouTube ,0,curse slow internet miss youtube -feels a headache coming on! ,0,feel headache coming -@gordonchiu You're one letter alway! Koreans don't use "X" so there's no hope for me. ,0,gordonchiu one letter alway korean use quot x quot hope -Working on the Holy Week ,0,working holy week -@marnieblaze haha nope. i guess nothing is original these days ,0,marnieblaze haha nope guess nothing original day -"Lots of revision to do tonight too for my final assessments. More assessments today as well, 90% pass mark is harsh ",0,lot revision tonight final assessment assessment today well 90 pas mark harsh -all thats stapling chipped my nails ,0,thats stapling chipped nail - is cold,0,cold -@PaulTeeter we passed by the border ,0,paulteeter passed border -"Chewie update. OCD in left legs fixed, but possible OCD in Right leg as well, and worse still hip dysplasia in both hips Not good...",0,chewie update ocd left leg fixed possible ocd right leg well worse still hip dysplasia hip good -Just got back from the hospital. BF's nephew might have meningitis ,0,got back hospital bf nephew might meningitis -Chi?u nay h?p chu?n b? t? ch?c m?y s? ki?n ? tr??ng ! Bao nhi�u vi?c ,0,chi u nay h p chu n b ch c ki n tr ng bao nhi u vi c -is coldd ,0,coldd -Please watch this vid and tell me if you are not moved http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EUJSME0TORw,0,please watch vid tell moved http www youtube com watch v eujsme0torw -Boo another day at work but only 3 to go then 3 days off ; ),0,boo another day work go day -driving to schiphol. apperantly I am not the only one. Stuck around aalsmeer ,0,driving schiphol apperantly one stuck around aalsmeer -Not anymore how does Daisy manage to take up 75% of the bed?,0,anymore daisy manage take bed -@garretjiroux do u write back on twitter? i miss ya garee... x,0,garretjiroux u write back twitter miss ya garee x -"Getting changed in the hopes that, that means we can go to the store now! Poor cat is out of food...oops. ",0,getting changed hope mean go store poor cat food oops -I'm in pain ,0,pain -"@nicolerichie: Haha. Yeah, they were that band from MMC! I used to have a CD, but I lost it. ",0,nicolerichie haha yeah band mmc used cd lost -i miss my bcd friends ,0,miss bcd friend -@oliyoung But that requires assembly! Assembly is completely overrated tonight. This is harder than I thought ,0,oliyoung requires assembly assembly completely overrated tonight harder thought -On a diet.... Woke up 2day Hungry ,0,diet woke day hungry -@JBeauty oooh *heads high killin 'em wit da no* lol didn't think so.. but u don't really know me yet I'm a good tucker inner haha,0,jbeauty oooh head high killin em wit da lol think u really know yet good tucker inner haha -I hate cooking dinner ,0,hate cooking dinner -@maikeru76 you aren't connected with me back...so I can't DM you... ,0,maikeru connected back dm -My compassion to the people in italy! My mother is calling with our relatives in Italy right now ,0,compassion people italy mother calling relative italy right -"@riskyrevenge Wait, what? Sick? ",0,riskyrevenge wait sick -@oishiieats did they play polite dance song?? only my fav. please dont say they did. or course they did. damn me!,0,oishiieats play polite dance song fav please dont say course damn -I need to find a battery for an Elinchrom Ranger. Nobody in Canada has any in stock ,0,need find battery elinchrom ranger nobody canada stock -So now it's just a wait & see game. I fall asleep & it might or might not be there when I wake. ,0,wait amp see game fall asleep amp might might wake -Off to London today ,0,london today -Smile like you mean it. Wow. This song brings back memories. Still can't sleep. ,0,smile like mean wow song brings back memory still sleep -@muzocan we should talk about this australia issue.. ,0,muzocan talk australia issue -"I was woken up from a deep sleep just to be let go for Mad Max. Not happy. And now, i can not sleep! ",0,woken deep sleep let go mad max happy sleep -"Sorry, was getting ready. Going to leave at 8am today.",0,sorry getting ready going leave today -Got a speeding ticket ,0,got speeding ticket -@kristensaywhaa he is an ass. .. .. .. hM .. did you watch the first episodeee? i freakin missed it ,0,kristensaywhaa as hm watch first episodeee freakin missed -@scarletjac but not good for me close to my current challenge ,0,scarletjac good close current challenge -"But the international font looks ugly. Going back to original font. After all, who'd tweet in malayalam ",0,international font look ugly going back original font tweet malayalam -doing some business studies revision ,0,business study revision -misses David actually ,0,miss david actually -http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/33907252.html How freakin cool is that? Why doesnt shit like that happen to me? ,0,http community livejournal com ohnotheydidnt 90 html freakin cool doesnt shit like happen -I can't believe it. I got my answer and didn't have to ask the question. This feels awful.,0,believe got answer ask question feel awful -Won't be tweeting much tonight Maybe all tweets will come out in form of Tweet vomit later at about 1 in the morning.,0,tweeting much tonight maybe tweet come form tweet vomit later morning -I think I need to get laid. Sad revolution I had earlier rofl http://twurl.nl/ibz2wb,0,think need get laid sad revolution earlier rofl http twurl nl ibz wb -Txt-Chat with Jake. Lmfao. Its Frikkin Awesome! I Miss This Effin Boy So Much. Awww. Hoping You Guys Would Come Back Here Na! ) xxxx,0,txt chat jake lmfao frikkin awesome miss effin boy much awww hoping guy would come back na xxxx -@ItsDawns Thank @rmilana don't like it hehe but it's very easy and well I'm just a Danish Dude,0,itsdawns thank rmilana like hehe easy well danish dude -"@Craftysince1990 Lol, that's sweet! I bought tickets last year && my PartnerInCrime flaked so I didn't end up going but this, FOR SURE!",0,craftysince 990 lol sweet bought ticket last year amp amp partnerincrime flaked end going sure -@razzberrie wha so now its 4GB! yay! haha no more laggy computers! but my mba cannot upgrade ,0,razzberrie wha gb yay haha laggy computer mba upgrade -@defsound aawwwww i know what u mean. iv never been that girl with a sense of humor ,0,defsound aawwwww know u mean iv never girl sense humor -@zaibatsu ME...I'm up. ,0,zaibatsu -was super lucky to get a seat on the train. We pay �40 for this 25 min journey. ,0,super lucky get seat train pay 0 min journey -@Coyoteontherun Bet I- Oh wait Mac? No prolly not. ,0,coyoteontherun bet oh wait mac prolly -"My navel piercing tore a bit when I was forcing my dog into the bed of my truck. MY FAULT, I know. It looks to be healing. Yay!",0,navel piercing tore bit forcing dog bed truck fault know look healing yay -"wow! i got sick out of nowhere and now i cant think straight....and mtv hasnt posted the hills online, wtf!",0,wow got sick nowhere cant think straight mtv hasnt posted hill online wtf -Just woke up. Apples gig was ace last night. Seriously tired now. Work begins in one hour... ,0,woke apple gig ace last night seriously tired work begin one hour -"Today's episode of "House" (Episode, Simple Explanation) was so heartbreaking. ",0,today episode quot house quot episode simple explanation heartbreaking -I'm frankly disappointed and offended that there is a blogger writing AGAINST FU Penguin ,0,frankly disappointed offended blogger writing fu penguin -@tpaw wooo yeah! Sorry to hear you missed out on Origin tickets ,0,tpaw wooo yeah sorry hear missed origin ticket -Gooood mooorning world. I had a dream last night I fucked my knee again Def need to kick start my strengthening ready for Bournemouth 7s!,0,gooood mooorning world dream last night fucked knee def need kick start strengthening ready bournemouth -I need some selsun blue...pretty sure i have a small spot of haole rot ,0,need selsun blue pretty sure small spot haole rot -I think im coming down with something. ,0,think im coming something -re newing my twitter ,0,newing twitter -@lindseyviloria about that... I am gonna be in mexico ,0,lindseyviloria gon na mexico -@sweetlyaroundme ps I woke up this morning and I cant access any websites! or I havent cleaned my computer completely,0,sweetlyaroundme p woke morning cant access website havent cleaned computer completely -"Hates hearing his girl being ill, nothing I can do though ",0,hate hearing girl ill nothing though -"@SteveDiamond I know they have trouble, but I never heard a thing. I had MANY recommendations from MrTweet. ",0,stevediamond know trouble never heard thing many recommendation mrtweet -@ScarlettDane no mary & i were going to go dress shopping tomorrow.,0,scarlettdane mary amp going go dress shopping tomorrow -@NoelClarke Good morning you. Stop ignoring me just cos i said i like *cough* Take That Am very sad now..boo hoo!,0,noelclarke good morning stop ignoring co said like cough take sad boo hoo -Feeling light headed and gross ,0,feeling light headed gross -thanks chaffie... thousand apologies. please fogive me 4 i have sinned. ,0,thanks chaffie thousand apology please fogive sinned -"@ItsChelseaStaub Goodnight, Chels. And sorry about the major layout-delay. <3",0,itschelseastaub goodnight chels sorry major layout delay lt -"@Coll_aka_Aubrey Oh, you were joking? Well now I'm crushed! I was totally gonna stand in the middle of a field and wave my arms! ",0,coll aka aubrey oh joking well crushed totally gon na stand middle field wave arm -Is waitin for th break down service as somethin fallen of my car. I've got my hot water bottle with me. Feel such a twat ,0,waitin th break service somethin fallen car got hot water bottle feel twat -@HolyJaw all in the middle if the night. I've committed myself to installing windows 7 with boot camp but I'm already having issues ,0,holyjaw middle night committed installing window boot camp already issue -"@RedGray Ah man- so sad, his cousin committed suicide yest and she was 8 months pregnant - can you imagine... we been crying non stop... ",0,redgray ah man sad cousin committed suicide yest month pregnant imagine cry non stop -damn its down. ,0,damn -Megan equals Murder. ,0,megan equal murder -poor Sandra Cantu. My heart goes out to her family and friends. Rest in Peace Little One! ,0,poor sandra cantu heart go family friend rest peace little one -morning all. v. groggy this morning.... ,0,morning v groggy morning -I feel soooo bad for my doglet! She is not understanding why her mouth is so sore! Poor little thing ,0,feel soooo bad doglet understanding mouth sore poor little thing -Why oh why do I watch videos of people dying RIGHT BEFORE I'm going to sleep? ,0,oh watch video people dying right going sleep -why luke worral doesnt have twitter? ,0,luke worral doesnt twitter -@Dynoisthename haha you better watch those two. They might actually kill each other. ,0,dynoisthename haha better watch two might actually kill -twitter is a lot less interesting since cute people suddenly stopped flirting with me ,0,twitter lot le interesting since cute people suddenly stopped flirting -My stomach is feeling satisfied now......been starving for 2 hours. ,0,stomach feeling satisfied starving hour -is very disappointed. ,0,disappointed -"I nearly spoiled myself for House, did just a teeny bit, saw a name, but then it went away via link. I won't be terribly surprised now. ",0,nearly spoiled house teeny bit saw name went away via link terribly surprised -@marlonjenglish ,0,marlonjenglish -@kittCAT8 ya i was basically screwed. just rewrote it i will seriously go with you if you want! i dont know anyone else who wants to goo!,0,kittcat ya basically screwed rewrote seriously go want dont know anyone else want goo -@LRon_Jaii LMAOOO mornin baybeeee. Don't lie?! A peaceful journey?! My train is straight boring not even a hooded teef in sight.,0,lron jaii lmaooo mornin baybeeee lie peaceful journey train straight boring even hooded teef sight -I wish I had someone to talk to. I'm so upset. no one likes me anyway,0,wish someone talk upset one like anyway -@Willie_Day26 hommmmeeworrkkk boooo hope you fellas had a good night,0,willie day hommmmeeworrkkk boooo hope fella good night -@Japh I wish I'd known that there were more tickets earlier. Rang this arvo - one left but Amy would end up sitting alone. Sigh Too Hard.,0,japh wish known ticket earlier rang arvo one left amy would end sitting alone sigh hard -"woke up to find this cold/flu/illness-type thing isn't going without a fight and, apparently, beats you up in your sleep. Sorry, keynote ",0,woke find cold flu illness type thing going without fight apparently beat sleep sorry keynote -"WHF?? T:SCC killed Derek Reese (Brian Austin Green), I actually liked that character! ",0,whf scc killed derek reese brian austin green actually liked character -equinux.com just crashed safari tks you! ,0,equinux com crashed safari tks -"fire of anatolia" is fired... costumes are destroyed... it's so poor situation ,0,quot fire anatolia quot fired costume destroyed poor situation -"8:00am typical British morning. Cold, wet, road full of miserable angry drivers..... good times! I need a holiday ",0,00am typical british morning cold wet road full miserable angry driver good time need holiday -"really now, time for sleep. dreaming of my city, more tattoos, and other great things. waking up to early morning sociology ",0,really time sleep dreaming city tattoo great thing waking early morning sociology -"Just bought Sour gummi worms, peach gummi O's, and cheeto puffs... AND a 44 ounce soda... I'm such a fat ass Had a huge dinner too.",0,bought sour gummi worm peach gummi cheeto puff ounce soda fat as huge dinner -"@Tubeyornot2B you and me both. I thought I found a tweetheart, but I guess not. so the search continues.. :-\",0,tubeyornot b thought found tweetheart guess search continues -"@Pixie_Anna scroll back a few hours, you missed a whole lotta Jon ",0,pixie anna scroll back hour missed whole lotta jon -@CyFyre no finished two years then had twinzzzzzzzzzzz,0,cyfyre finished two year twinzzzzzzzzzzz -Missed #24 and #the hills now I have to catch up tomor.. But I have Real Housewives ugh I need to figure out my priorities,0,missed hill catch tomor real housewife ugh need figure priority -"Oh, and it's officially my birthday. Happy 23rd birthday to me! *looks around* Yet no one is here to wish it to me Erik's in bed.",0,oh officially birthday happy rd birthday look around yet one wish erik bed -Needs the motivation to get dressed and go to work I hate training ,0,need motivation get dressed go work hate training -Didn't make it by here today. They are saying we will have snow tomorrow. WTF? It is Tennessee. It doesn't even snow here in winter.,0,make today saying snow tomorrow wtf tennessee even snow winter -I just had two people stop following me ,0,two people stop following -Tried to fix hubby's computer. It didn't come with disks and now windows key won't work. might have to buy it (like we can afford that),0,tried fix hubby computer come disk window key work might buy like afford -@V3events no way!? Ur at a game right now!? ,0,v event way ur game right -It seems that Twitter lost some updates yesterday - again!! #twitter #fail,0,seems twitter lost update yesterday twitter fail -my paronychia hurts ,0,paronychia hurt -http://twitpic.com/2y4vn - remember these days? neither do i. siiiiike. i miss my old body someday soon u shall be miiiiine.,0,http twitpic com vn remember day neither siiiiike miss old body someday soon u shall miiiiine -back @ work. Had a bad start of day almost falling down the stairs Not enjoying work yet...,0,back work bad start day almost falling stair enjoying work yet -i <3 CIGS..RIP ,0,lt cigs rip -"i'm up, so much paperwork to do today. `n i'm kinda getting sick not fun",0,much paperwork today n kinda getting sick fun -Just did 5km on the tready and want to die... I'm not built for running... ,0,km tready want die built running -@un1xnut if only I didn't work an evening/night job ,0,un xnut work evening night job -Need's help with this anxiety crap ,0,need help anxiety crap -@CHASEBOOGIE lol dont ask i was being nice given a ride shit started bar b cueing on the freeway lmao i been had mine ready,0,chaseboogie lol dont ask nice given ride shit started bar b cueing freeway lmao mine ready -"@azraeel Got home after 10 in the end, back in for a 9am start aswell ",0,azraeel got home 0 end back 9am start aswell -throat is so raw she cannot sleep.... ,0,throat raw sleep -// :T I just asked my friend what piglet was (winnie the pooh.) ....seriously guys what is it ,0,asked friend piglet winnie pooh seriously guy -i burnt my tongue on miso soup today ,0,burnt tongue miso soup today -had the worst dream abt some turd face ex.. ugh. it was awful. ,0,worst dream abt turd face ex ugh awful -Longing to own a sewing machine! My Birthday is too far away! ,0,longing sewing machine birthday far away -I havent slept a wink... Severe Insomnia... Arghhhh... Why!!! ,0,havent slept wink severe insomnia arghhhh -@TerryFree Lol byeee time to go ,0,terryfree lol byeee time go -"@Skunkie Sorry, I guess sarcasm is hard to show in 130 characters. ",0,skunkie sorry guess sarcasm hard show 0 character -"just microwaved a kashi chicken and spinach thing, and put in the Milk dvd. anyone seen it? i bet it's good. i still havent seen slumdog ",0,microwaved kashi chicken spinach thing put milk dvd anyone seen bet good still havent seen slumdog -Just got up i have to watch my lil' bro's ... Mom is at work ,0,got watch lil bro mom work -oh god one of the teachers here gave me a rotten gogoma to eat.. and i'm so hungry i'm trying to eat around the bad parts HAHAHAHA,0,oh god one teacher gave rotten gogoma eat hungry trying eat around bad part hahahaha -Still a got headache . Getting ready for work,0,still got headache getting ready work -"has to flip his lifestyle around, goodbye to sleeping in and hello work at 6am!",0,flip lifestyle around goodbye sleeping hello work -@EvilUnicorn will do <3,0,evilunicorn lt -"@honeyortar the hinge broke it works, just doesn't open smoothly and it's pissing me off. I dunno I'll see if it can be fixed first.",0,honeyortar hinge broke work open smoothly pissing dunno see fixed first -Damn it. I hate this stage of the breakup process. I miss the boy. We had just fallen in love. DAMN IT. WHY???!!! Poop.,0,damn hate stage breakup process miss boy fallen love damn poop -@rachaelyamagata You were amazing Rach! Thank you for the music! I waited outside but you never showed up! There's always the next album!,0,rachaelyamagata amazing rach thank music waited outside never showed always next album -@Nightwyrm no not yet ,0,nightwyrm yet -i ate so many cookies that I think I'm hallucinating... ,0,ate many cooky think hallucinating -i don't wanna go to work i wanna go to bed! ,0,wan na go work wan na go bed -So much for th paper. i just woke up from my nap ,0,much th paper woke nap -@rampantheart can do everything except add a twitter field in the comment.. ,0,rampantheart everything except add twitter field comment -"I found my MADDEN '08! in '09 ...oh well, I say Old is New Again!",0,found madden 0 09 oh well say old new -is missing his favourite friend ,0,missing favourite friend -@BrandzHD TAKIN A BREAK FROM THE CLUBS PLEASE DONT TELL ME WHERE U AT ,0,brandzhd takin break club please dont tell u -"I don't want to talk to advisors, they don't advise, the judge your arse off ",0,want talk advisor advise judge arse -down to 2 packs of moroccan mint tea...and a whole truckloads of kenyan tea. ,0,pack moroccan mint tea whole truckloads kenyan tea -@idolette @marissatastic - I'm so sad about the House episode tonight but bigger & better things (damn that Taub LOL),0,idolette marissatastic sad house episode tonight bigger amp better thing damn taub lol -@choclatdrop404 he's not paying me any attn ,0,choclatdrop 0 paying attn -@shalinique For saying 2 may change up ur twitter game I like u just the way u r on here ,0,shalinique saying may change ur twitter game like u way u r -@Gen_Marie I hope we can fix you in California at least.....,0,gen marie hope fix california least -@oishiieats ,0,oishiieats -I'm Not There is on HBO in 30 minutes! Got excited then remembered I should get some sleep tonight. And why is it not on again soon? Sad ,0,hbo 0 minute got excited remembered get sleep tonight soon sad -Too tired to leave bed. ,0,tired leave bed -@adreamforsteph ok House was sad. ,0,adreamforsteph ok house sad -"ooh...hungry... before anything creeps out of the kitchen with legs...and/or arms...*attacks fridge* ah, cold chicken how exciting ",0,ooh hungry anything creep kitchen leg arm attack fridge ah cold chicken exciting -@junebugg15 I had to super glue my shoe!! Lol,0,junebugg super glue shoe lol -owwwwww!!! What a doozy of a headache. 2 tablets later and it has only taken off a slight edge ,0,owwwwww doozy headache tablet later taken slight edge -Only two more days until holidays! All my friends are in public schools so we can't hang out on Thursday THEN DISNEYLAND OMG.,0,two day holiday friend public school hang thursday disneyland omg -Finds her mom rly annoying. I need to detox and do an H2O day. My skin is shitting. ,0,find mom rly annoying need detox h day skin shitting -I'm off to bed... way to late... will likely be a sac a shit at work tomorrow. ,0,bed way late likely sac shit work tomorrow -"@ylizabeth because you died, and i never see you. ",0,ylizabeth died never see -@kcarruthers I'm only 540 years old in pixie years. ,0,kcarruthers 0 year old pixie year -body clock still up the chuffer..note never ever stay up late again -also afro is back ,0,body clock still chuffer note never ever stay late also afro back -stupid thing wont let me get into my old twitter page so i had to make a new one ,0,stupid thing wont let get old twitter page make new one -I am soooo tired @ work ,0,soooo tired work -Txt-Chat with Jake. Lmfao. Its Frikkin Awesome! I Miss This Effin Boy So Much. Awww. Hoping You Would Come Back Here Na! ) xxxx,0,txt chat jake lmfao frikkin awesome miss effin boy much awww hoping would come back na xxxx -@kristinfinley ur phone and its breaking disease has spread to my phone it doesnt ring any more just flashes agh only one moth till a ...,0,kristinfinley ur phone breaking disease spread phone doesnt ring flash agh one moth till -won't be doing the Frank Morgan race ,0,frank morgan race -@CHRISDJMOYLES I'm not excited as I live in Wales ,0,chrisdjmoyles excited live wale -"blahhh, my throat is sore & i keep coughing. i hate being sick ",0,blahhh throat sore amp keep coughing hate sick -"I'm sitting up, unable to sleep ",0,sitting unable sleep -"Motivated to sleep, but I'm feeling quite icky. ",0,motivated sleep feeling quite icky -"Oh dear, all the pups died 1 by 1 last night, perhaps it was because Princess rejected them ",0,oh dear pup died last night perhaps princess rejected -I am going to be 30 in a month... Ugh ,0,going 0 month ugh -3 in the morning and I can't sleep. ,0,morning sleep -"@scarletjac thanks, I know that video is harrowing, especially the last 2 minutes I must admit I cried",0,scarletjac thanks know video harrowing especially last minute must admit cried -"Just wrote a 2 pg paper n 30 min, studied n now off 2 bed. Gotta wake up n 3 hours. OH JOY! Nite all!",0,wrote pg paper n 0 min studied n bed got ta wake n hour oh joy nite -beginning to enjoy lazy town - oh dear ,0,beginning enjoy lazy town oh dear -or should i say my brain needs to optimise my neural search pathways to find my muscles again ,0,say brain need optimise neural search pathway find muscle -I cried when I heard the girl from Tracy was found today. It was soooo sad May god bless Sandra Cantu.,0,cried heard girl tracy found today soooo sad may god bless sandra cantu -@gmg2001 lol omg don't tempt me! I just started p90 2 hours ago. I need to at least be good for a day! shoulda asked me yesterday ,0,gmg 00 lol omg tempt started p90 hour ago need least good day shoulda asked yesterday -Had a moment with run fatboy run ,0,moment run fatboy run -"haven't even had time to twitt theese last few days, insane! ",0,even time twitt theese last day insane -"@Wyldceltic1 oh man, it was the most sad ever. ",0,wyldceltic oh man sad ever -Twitter woke me up ,0,twitter woke -@SpazMoraz get up lady! See you in work ... Boohoo ,0,spazmoraz get lady see work boohoo -Something got into my eye...now its itchy. aw. ,0,something got eye itchy aw -@mrskutcher I was just thinking that today - how deprssing it all is! Makes us appreciate life more.,0,mrskutcher thinking today deprssing make u appreciate life -@keelybin Ermmm not really. It's hearing the dreaded alarm clock ,0,keelybin ermmm really hearing dreaded alarm clock -@cannibaleyes I as bowling and the shit ripped ,0,cannibaleyes bowling shit ripped -"@EIsie Mate that's rubbish 10pt hug. Tom covered in spots and obviously not happy, but Doc says it's nothing 'bad'. Tell that to Tom...",0,eisie mate rubbish 0pt hug tom covered spot obviously happy doc say nothing bad tell tom -@Warlach Curse ye!! Have fun at it. I miss doing online PR for Paramount Pics ,0,warlach curse ye fun miss online pr paramount pic -"ugh, just read on #CNN that they found the Cantu girl's body in a pond near their home. How terrible for her family ",0,ugh read cnn found cantu girl body pond near home terrible family -Can't sleep. It's 2:05am--Ugh!!! I'm not even sleepy ,0,sleep 0 ugh even sleepy -"How sad, I did not know Andy Hallet died http://tinyurl.com/dhq7xv",0,sad know andy hallet died http tinyurl com dhq xv -... or so I thought.... ,0,thought -"@markress understand that, we are all busy. I can only tweet after work. ",0,markress understand busy tweet work -@samsungimaging better get your auto feature ironed out. that blast of advertisements was nothing less than industrial strength spam! ,0,samsungimaging better get auto feature ironed blast advertisement nothing le industrial strength spam -"@TexasVegetarian Oh, God, ow. That must have hurt like a bitch. ",0,texasvegetarian oh god ow must hurt like bitch -"Up and showered, now to get dressed for the late shift lollypop ",0,showered get dressed late shift lollypop -@GillianMe Yeah he was ,0,gillianme yeah -"really now, time for sleep. dreaming of my city, more tattoos, and other great things. waking up to early morning sociology ",0,really time sleep dreaming city tattoo great thing waking early morning sociology -@dougiemcfly hey saw u guys play @ pushover..didn't get 2 meet u tho cuz of th HUGE line i was very upset lol..a msg would make up 4 it!,0,dougiemcfly hey saw u guy play pushover get meet u tho cuz th huge line upset lol msg would make -Good morning... I wish the weather was as good as in Germany today ,0,good morning wish weather good germany today -I wish we had a Dunkin Donuts in Holland Today my moms back from Japan. Can't wait to see her!,0,wish dunkin donut holland today mom back japan wait see -Sooooooo busy right now. Have a lot of custom orders to catch up on! Haven't blogged since the 31st. There aren't enough hrs in a day! ;),0,sooooooo busy right lot custom order catch blogged since st enough hr day -right got a stinking headache but I need to run I'm not a happy bunny ,0,right got stinking headache need run happy bunny -"sorry, I should say that this vid hits you hard, please beware the last 2 minutes especially http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EUJSME0TORw",0,sorry say vid hit hard please beware last minute especially http www youtube com watch v eujsme0torw -Wondering why gamebattles is down http://bit.ly/qZuUY,0,wondering gamebattles http bit ly qzuuy -Too much traffic on the A2 Can't wait till all 10 lanes are ready ... 2010?,0,much traffic wait till 0 lane ready 0 0 -slept for 11 hours.. had been awake since 5.30am yesterday.. and still i was late for the exam gotta wake up at 5 tomoro onwards ,0,slept hour awake since 0am yesterday still late exam got ta wake tomoro onwards -Almost finished with new moon.... If I didn't have to work tomorrow I would totally finish it tonight! Geez... ,0,almost finished new moon work tomorrow would totally finish tonight geez -Ok wonder why twitpix isn't an option for this new phone I got?! I can't win! I'll leave the photos to my cuz I guess... ,0,ok wonder twitpix option new phone got win leave photo cuz guess -they usually make me Zzzz... but not today ,0,usually make zzzz today -My Macbook just froze. Luckily I was able to take a screen shot of my paper and retyped the end of it. I submitted my paper 1 min. late. ,0,macbook froze luckily able take screen shot paper retyped end submitted paper min late -"@rougeforever I've just been faffing Actually, reading; which is work but doesn't feel productive.",0,rougeforever faffing actually reading work feel productive -@thecampingforum if the forcasters are to be believed we'll be lucky of it lasts till this afternoon ,0,thecampingforum forcasters believed lucky last till afternoon -@babybazooka i do too...but it's hard ,0,babybazooka hard -"@CherylTheLibr_n Thanks for the Rebuilders/Rebuilding tip. She's trying to help her mom thru a divorce, and herself thru a breakup. ",0,cherylthelibr n thanks rebuilders rebuilding tip trying help mom thru divorce thru breakup -Left head phone has died this morning. 1 head phone to keep me company on my journey ,0,left head phone died morning head phone keep company journey -@meganh93 same it has been drizzling all day if u are going to rain might as well pour.,0,meganh9 drizzling day u going rain might well pour -i cant sleep ugghhh ,0,cant sleep ugghhh -just got to work and am so ravenous have eaten my gipton steak & branston sarnies. Now I'll have to buy something for lunch!! doh!,0,got work ravenous eaten gipton steak amp branston sarnies buy something lunch doh -"New iphone, yay! Not restoring backup, no! Stupid apple.",0,new iphone yay restoring backup stupid apple -"A few catering gigs, very cool, getting ready for the normal week. Working on Easter. ",0,catering gig cool getting ready normal week working easter -i cant sleep ,0,cant sleep -"@hamporter I always walk by the annex hoping to see you, but instead I get the Nguyen family ",0,hamporter always walk annex hoping see instead get nguyen family -Know exactly how you feel man re: http://ff.im/1XTN7,0,know exactly feel man http ff im xtn -im yellinq at ma mummyy !! lol .. she is ANGRY AT MEE !! ,0,im yellinq mummyy lol angry mee -"I really don't want to go back to Chicago. I liked not hearing about bad politicians or Oprah, I hate Oprah. Only 4 days left in the UK ",0,really want go back chicago liked hearing bad politician oprah hate oprah day left uk -@CandiceNicolePR I haven't heard from you in while ,0,candicenicolepr heard -Still doing homework. ,0,still homework -@ShannaMoakler I'm afraid to fly too. I straight up REFUSE to get on a plane. It sucks because it REALLY limits where you can go ,0,shannamoakler afraid fly straight refuse get plane suck really limit go -Tony has changed so much. Why did he have to change? ,0,tony changed much change -"Feeling a bit better today, at least I can walk. I have NO idea what happened yesterday. On my way to school now... Ugh... ",0,feeling bit better today least walk idea happened yesterday way school ugh -Just about to leave for another exciting day at work ,0,leave another exciting day work -"@christieeee Aww, I'm so sorry dearyy ",0,christieeee aww sorry dearyy -Fuck la circulation ce mat1 ,0,fuck la circulation ce mat -"Can't belive it.. We're home!! So sleepy 4 hrs today.. in Round Rock, TX http://loopt.us/GEtn1w",0,belive home sleepy hr today round rock tx http loopt u getn w -I'm at disneyland again Ahaha! And i'm sad the pineapple stand is closed... I have 3 dollars ,0,disneyland ahaha sad pineapple stand closed dollar -"Ok... so 2 hours into the self imposed shopping ban, and i am already aching for a shoe fix...this is going to be harder than i thought ",0,ok hour self imposed shopping ban already aching shoe fix going harder thought -My whip cream is melting ,0,whip cream melting -I was woken up by my mom. now i cant get to sleep. ,0,woken mom cant get sleep -"Lonely bed, no husband. ",0,lonely bed husband -"Why is it that I have 46 followers, none of whom acknowledge me? ",0,follower none acknowledge -Stupid m&ms make my stomach hurt ,0,stupid amp m make stomach hurt -Best monday ever. Missed gossip girl. Oh well. Spent time with BFF today! Wonderful Night! xoxo,0,best monday ever missed gossip girl oh well spent time bff today wonderful night xoxo -@pilvlp My luck I'd probably get stopped by a cop or something stupid! ,0,pilvlp luck probably get stopped cop something stupid -Sitting at home and im very bored keep hearing really weird noises downstairs. Kinda creepy,0,sitting home im bored keep hearing really weird noise downstairs kinda creepy -Let us know how he's doing ok? ,0,let u know ok -"@Kailuh Dis guy was talking about his brother's cock, and thats all I feel like talking about EWWW You can figure out the rest.",0,kailuh dis guy talking brother cock thats feel like talking ewww figure rest -my birthday today. feel so old ,0,birthday today feel old -@Amelia_Torode Have fun shopping ... but bear in mind the horrible forex truth http://bit.ly/kHBN ,0,amelia torode fun shopping bear mind horrible forex truth http bit ly khbn -ok my TWEET PEEP i must head to bed now...Got to take a test in Law tomorrow ...is it summer yet? anyway much love and HUGGERS,0,ok tweet peep must head bed got take test law tomorrow summer yet anyway much love hugger -working on my lab report that's due 2359hr tonight. ,0,working lab report due 9hr tonight -I am awake now because of twitters! I was just dozing off. . . ,0,awake twitter dozing -"@jillglavan soooo disappointed your T.I. party is when I leave for Vegas. I was so jacked up when you first talked about it, now nothing ",0,jillglavan soooo disappointed party leave vega jacked first talked nothing -"@runawaystarling unfort, msn is a douche and a half to me ",0,runawaystarling unfort msn douche half -i have to butting poop again ,0,butting poop -@oinker_aida i agree! ,0,oinker aida agree -all these crazy pollen trees in Washington state are making my sinuses go crazy ,0,crazy pollen tree washington state making sinus go crazy -Stupid 3 year project! feels like you've conquered something then you realised it's only 1 year down ,0,stupid year project feel like conquered something realised year -@jdpeterson hope you feel better. why cali?,0,jdpeterson hope feel better cali -I need to go out but I am so lazy. ,0,need go lazy -@laurenlenewx awww i'm sorry ,0,laurenlenewx awww sorry -Woo for three pages down and seven to go...why in heck do I procrastinate! Goal #1 for Grad School DO NOT WAIT!!!!!,0,woo three page seven go heck procrastinate goal grad school wait -"morning all. So tired today, should've stayed in bed ",0,morning tired today stayed bed -off to town. forgot to charge my phone so don't think it will last all day ,0,town forgot charge phone think last day -why must I be awake at this untimely hour ,0,must awake untimely hour -"i dont want to go to school tomorrow for an exam, after having one and a half weeks off ",0,dont want go school tomorrow exam one half week -"@Kal_Penn The thing that sucks the most is that you were the one I was most excited for, even before I knew who the final team would be. ",0,kal penn thing suck one excited even knew final team would -I can't sleep. It's too windy and scary out.,0,sleep windy scary -@darylsws kids are on holidays ,0,darylsws kid holiday -summer camp or summer school?? Both are boarding lol. ,0,summer camp summer school boarding lol -after 2am and i'm still sniffling and sneezing. can't sleep. morning is going to come way too early ,0,still sniffling sneezing sleep morning going come way early -these guys who is Bill Gates's associates makes me feel like I know nothing!!! I don't even know my name now ,0,guy bill gate associate make feel like know nothing even know name -"Oh no!!!!!!!!!!!!! @AzPPA just sent email for State convention...May 17-18 & there was Papyrus all over it. Sad, b/c I wanted to attend! ",0,oh azppa sent email state convention may amp papyrus sad b c wanted attend -@pelf81 but work is demanding for so much more ,0,pelf work demanding much -watching greek. cant believe its the last day ill see you guys. june 20.... ahh.,0,watching greek cant believe last day ill see guy june 0 ahh -Is back at the cabbins Ew!,0,back cabbins ew -terrified by the news from Italy http://tinyurl.com/dhdpne,0,terrified news italy http tinyurl com dhdpne -@lili_marlene Ohh that sux ,0,lili marlene ohh sux -@brainiacmathew i know! and im on spring break,0,brainiacmathew know im spring break -is extremely hungry ,0,extremely hungry -It's going to be a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnngggggggg night at work ,0,going loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnngggggggg night work -@Jennchambless me neither and nobody is awake... NOBODY. I'm drunk and alone ,0,jennchambless neither nobody awake nobody drunk alone -"@dark_butterfly Not just you. I thought he looked paler, too Probably from drama filming. Jun looks healthier than ever, though.",0,dark butterfly thought looked paler probably drama filming jun look healthier ever though -.. sad to hear about the discovery of the little girl from Tracy. Her poor family ,0,sad hear discovery little girl tracy poor family -just what am I supposed to think? ,0,supposed think -Why do I keep working for places that DON'T do the Cycle2Work scheme. 15% disc at Halfauds is good enough. ,0,keep working place cycle work scheme disc halfauds good enough -"In office, doing irritating work for the worst client i've ever had. You cant choose your project if ur an employee. ",0,office irritating work worst client ever cant choose project ur employee -at wye river.. It's really cold! This internet is really expensive ,0,wye river really cold internet really expensive -Jammed my finger and it hurts really badly. ,0,jammed finger hurt really badly -DAMN- my PC has COMPLETELY given out this sucks ...,0,damn pc completely given suck -I just let my EverQuest 2 subscription lapse. Just don't play it anymore. Don't have the time ,0,let everquest subscription lapse play anymore time -"had a flu shot at work, now my arm hurts ",0,flu shot work arm hurt -@heidimontag I love the hills but I missed the show tonight ,0,heidimontag love hill missed show tonight -@JesMayhemWA Still trying to sell the prelude? ,0,jesmayhemwa still trying sell prelude -"@katsun At this point, I'm trying to remain optimistic that it won't be as delayed as Live365 but it's getting harder each day ",0,katsun point trying remain optimistic delayed live getting harder day -Twitter is down? ,0,twitter -@Kal_Penn OMG I am so mad! You were my favorite character I'll miss 'you',0,kal penn omg mad favorite character miss -Wishes David Cook was coming to phoenix trying to figure out a way to get to San diego on June 18th to see him.... I'm obsessed,0,wish david cook coming phoenix trying figure way get san diego june th see obsessed -ill make fresh start.. i promise... xtra sad puppy face...,0,ill make fresh start promise xtra sad puppy face -"A beautiful morning - the sun is shining, the birds are singing, I've just been playing Mousetrap with the kids... damn, now work ",0,beautiful morning sun shining bird singing playing mousetrap kid damn work -"@AHolmes_NJ I was able to DownThemAll! before TA was able to delete my account. Didn't lose any photos, but I lost almost all comments ",0,aholmes nj able downthemall ta able delete account lose photo lost almost comment -@thisisguan ,0,thisisguan -"Tuesday is a raining day, again ",0,tuesday raining day -Has a huge headache but gotta go to work ,0,huge headache got ta go work -"@ACTinglikeamama Oh, you have a recipe for gyros? I developed an addiction in Germany, and haven't been able to find any I like in Aus. ",0,actinglikeamama oh recipe gyro developed addiction germany able find like au -Still feel feckin arseholed...a sign of old age me thinks ,0,still feel feckin arseholed sign old age think -"@SukottoXD I saw ice in the rain today. Not quite snow, but frozen water, nonetheless. ",0,sukottoxd saw ice rain today quite snow frozen water nonetheless -@charp I was being all nerdy & thinking they could help me with my Metropolitan Area Network ,0,charp nerdy amp thinking could help metropolitan area network -tired but cant sleep............. ,0,tired cant sleep -@JBeauty lol GOODNIGHT,0,jbeauty lol goodnight -I'm laying in bed facing the wall and trying to relax but I'm hearing so many things plus the air conditioning sound is so louad ,0,laying bed facing wall trying relax hearing many thing plus air conditioning sound louad -Someone needs to give this baby a home!!! I would but it's a bit too soon http://tinyurl.com/dzbppd,0,someone need give baby home would bit soon http tinyurl com dzbppd -In bed. Finally! Long day tomorrow ,0,bed finally long day tomorrow -Cant sleep. Ugh. If this is going to be a trend i.ll need to find something to do with my wakeful night hours. Read? Learn a language? ,0,cant sleep ugh going trend need find something wakeful night hour read learn language -Airlie is sick and now Mason is sick Too. He is going to miss his school disco ,0,airlie sick mason sick going miss school disco -Our trip has been canceled. See the latest blog post for info http://kiwinova.blogspot.com/,0,trip canceled see latest blog post info http kiwinova blogspot com -Just saw 1 little and 1 huge stingray in foot-deep water off catseye beach at low tide. No turtles yet. ,0,saw little huge stingray foot deep water catseye beach low tide turtle yet -Have to update my picture cos I look old and fat. Oh I am old and fat playing badminton is not working on weight ,0,update picture co look old fat oh old fat playing badminton working weight -Just saw some snow flakes ,0,saw snow flake -"lol, honeybaby, i sound like a ny-quil commercial. that word only looks right with a green background. i want to sleep but i can't ",0,lol honeybaby sound like ny quil commercial word look right green background want sleep -"Feeling soree, bad idea to go running when your sick ",0,feeling soree bad idea go running sick -T___T need more sleep but my body wont let me so i will draw instead <3,0,need sleep body wont let draw instead lt -"@30SECONDSTOMARS: Thank's for your prayers, these days are very difficults ",0,0secondstomars thank prayer day difficults -@vanidosa27 What's wrong? why do you need an inhaler? I didn't even know you were sick Hope you start feeling better,0,vanidosa wrong need inhaler even know sick hope start feeling better -"@eri74 Goodmorning! hahaha, let me guess .... CB? hahaha me not ",0,eri goodmorning hahaha let guess cb hahaha -"Doesn't know why, but is feeling very down. And a trip to the gym didn't help ",0,know feeling trip gym help -Computer/internet is hating me tonight... I swear. And I can't find my USB cord for my sidekick ,0,computer internet hating tonight swear find usb cord sidekick -Taking Angus for a check-up today. I always quietly dread it but this time he's poorly so I know the lung function tests will be crap. ,0,taking angus check today always quietly dread time poorly know lung function test crap -@grahamcracker If only you were working in the Melbourne Victoria Police Department or the Melbourne City Cabs. ,0,grahamcracker working melbourne victoria police department melbourne city cab -doing homework... ,0,homework -has realized that twitter is getting more attention from her mama then she is....hahaha LAME!,0,realized twitter getting attention mama hahaha lame -"@m0nkfish Eww. Hershys kisses are ok, but not amazing ",0,m0nkfish eww hershys kiss ok amazing -whoa im super hungry Life cereal w/granola & raspberries is calling my name,0,whoa im super hungry life cereal w granola amp raspberry calling name -wants to go to easterfest ,0,want go easterfest -Really let down by gossip girl...it's all I have to make my Mondays good and all they give are reruns... ,0,really let gossip girl make monday good give rerun -am trying to fit all my stuff in a tiny bag so i can take it on as hand luggage. dont think its gonna work ,0,trying fit stuff tiny bag take hand luggage dont think gon na work -"@sunky being a grown up is horrid, isn't it ",0,sunky grown horrid -@SEAF2009 I am strongly considering improvising. I missed last year I was so sick. ,0,seaf 009 strongly considering improvising missed last year sick -@innocentdrinks COKE!? 20% minority stake? Really? Not April Fool? Can you give it back? So depressing. You were a favourite brand. Sad ,0,innocentdrinks coke 0 minority stake really april fool give back depressing favourite brand sad -has just said goodbye to her hubby who is off globe trotting away ,0,said goodbye hubby globe trotting away -@ChauV I has so many things to do ,0,chauv many thing -@bkGirlFriday dude it snowed here today...cant imagine the weather in hawaii right now ,0,bkgirlfriday dude snowed today cant imagine weather hawaii right -"updating my myspace profile, i need more followers coz its a bit sad only to have one ",0,updating myspace profile need follower coz bit sad one -"when you read my updates, blogspot, bulletin on myspace, etc. You could just figure it out on your own. I don't care ",0,read update blogspot bulletin myspace etc could figure care -@thelmarockz thelma I can't see shiz I see blank and me and u comments ,0,thelmarockz thelma see shiz see blank u comment -"Back at :work, have to go to ::Zeist in a minute. But want to stay here to do some work ",0,back work go zeist minute want stay work -I thought you could buy Silent Hill for the PSP on the PS Store? I can't find it anywhere? ,0,thought could buy silent hill psp p store find anywhere -Doing my taxes. Not in the best mood because of this ,0,tax best mood -I am not a fan of sleeping alone baby boo,0,fan sleeping alone baby boo -"I NEVER THOUGHT THAT I COULD HATE SOMBODY, BUT I REALLY HATE YOU �TOBE D....�, I ONLY GAVE YOU ALL OF MY LOVE AND YOU PAY ME SO BAD! ",0,never thought could hate sombody really hate tobe gave love pay bad -@tommcfly hey saw u guys play @ pushover..didn't get 2 meet u tho cuz of th HUGE line i was very upset ='( lol..a msg would make up 4 it!,0,tommcfly hey saw u guy play pushover get meet u tho cuz th huge line upset lol msg would make -Going to sleep now. Johnny just died on the OC. ,0,going sleep johnny died oc -again with the fucked sleep... ive decided to go do homework instead ,0,fucked sleep ive decided go homework instead -@OscarTG Morning. No sun here unfortunately ,0,oscartg morning sun unfortunately -I need a holiday only one day off this year.,0,need holiday one day year -@stephenkruiser sorry to hear about your dog. ,0,stephenkruiser sorry hear dog -@trash_kitten solution will be found!,0,trash kitten solution found -Got to do Spanish revision today ,0,got spanish revision today -has a cold from playing outside yesterday ,0,cold playing outside yesterday -why does stik-o have to be chocolate?! ,0,stik chocolate -I need SIMS 3. Gaah! ,0,need sims gaah -is listening to an awesome song but i dnt no the name but i wanna upload it on limewire!!!!! ,0,listening awesome song dnt name wan na upload limewire -@Linda_James Im not a morning person! Never have been prefer the night!,0,linda james im morning person never prefer night -"@smaffulli correction: they don't tell you, but a cert. is there. How you can use it is a different matter, and without Win yet another! ",0,smaffulli correction tell cert use different matter without win yet another -"@ktml I think its iTunes fault I cant download it on my Mac now "store busy" if you got it, anything awesome in the camerakit update?",0,ktml think itunes fault cant download mac quot store busy quot got anything awesome camerakit update -@KateriH How was the TJ dinner tonight? My freezer melted down. ,0,katerih tj dinner tonight freezer melted -@martiy ouchies. have a good day .......and goodnight @SuperTim.,0,martiy ouchies good day goodnight supertim -@geoffmartinez youre going to be in mexico on easter? why?,0,geoffmartinez youre going mexico easter -Early Twitter Buzz: Star Trek Has Secret Premiere in Austin - http://is.gd/r9vr Holy crap! Wish I was there... ,0,early twitter buzz star trek secret premiere austin http gd r9vr holy crap wish -i think i'm getting sick. ,0,think getting sick -happy birthday jaime. loveyou<3. ...officially screwed right now. midterm. quiz. 2 projects. and 300 page book. shoot me. please. ,0,happy birthday jaime loveyou lt officially screwed right midterm quiz project 00 page book shoot please -revising my essay and talking to my hubby on aim ,0,revising essay talking hubby aim -"@LizDinkel lol, I figured as much...but you never know. We don't talk anymore, maybe you became easily offended... ",0,lizdinkel lol figured much never know talk anymore maybe became easily offended -"traffic not as bad as normal, so super early for meeting ",0,traffic bad normal super early meeting -yo that was hella weird my twitter got deleted ,0,yo hella weird twitter got deleted -They don't get hyphy on the east coast ...even to E40,0,get hyphy east coast even e 0 -"Perfectly ripe and fresh banana goes in the bag.. Arrive at office, it looks like it has been hit by a freight train. Poor banana ",0,perfectly ripe fresh banana go bag arrive office look like hit freight train poor banana -home. mc. bored. missing him. who? him sigh. im bored. tadi exam & was okay. thursday lagi exam. gaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!,0,home mc bored missing sigh im bored tadi exam amp okay thursday lagi exam gaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh -rufus rufus rufus! Bloody Brillaint!!!! Shame my mum is such a miserable crab or i could liten to him while i work ,0,rufus rufus rufus bloody brillaint shame mum miserable crab could liten work -me and @maddeh are so in sync that both of our stummics hurt right now ,0,maddeh sync stummics hurt right -studying commerce how am i suppose to remember so much????,0,studying commerce suppose remember much -....it's just fever... ,0,fever -cuz like troybolton is the hottiemcsuperbob. omfgz. my nail buds - cries -,0,cuz like troybolton hottiemcsuperbob omfgz nail bud cry -"Arghh! My hands are itchy!! Could it be that on top of my 'alergy' to beef, I also cannot eat chicken no more?? ",0,arghh hand itchy could top alergy beef also eat chicken -I cant sleep. Missing the person I love most for the past 7yrs of my life. If only... ,0,cant sleep missing person love past yr life -Time to get me ass in gear and start the day ,0,time get as gear start day -Should really go to sleep so i can get up early tomorrow (well today now) ,0,really go sleep get early tomorrow well today -Fairly certain I have the flu. ,0,fairly certain flu -I'm going to put myself out of this misery and go to freakin bed. Ugh ,0,going put misery go freakin bed ugh -is again in the math lab ,0,math lab -i don't wanna leave CO! 4:15 am is coming too soon!! ,0,wan na leave co coming soon -"@brightillusions only one to fill that position. They've just tightened our borders or something Which sucks, I want you to move here!",0,brightillusions one fill position tightened border something suck want move -"Where the magic happens every month LOL Sophia did a terrific job, as usual! What am I gonna have for dinner? http://twitpic.com/2y5bz",0,magic happens every month lol sophia terrific job usual gon na dinner http twitpic com bz -@jmielcarz send some of that warmness my way.... it's cold ,0,jmielcarz send warmness way cold -Power to levitate?.... still negative. ,0,power levitate still negative -Trying really hard not to get sick from all of the stuff I just took to get rid of my cough. ,0,trying really hard get sick stuff took get rid cough -back from the casino a big fat loser! ,0,back casino big fat loser -Even a four day week seems too long I want to stay in bed!,0,even four day week seems long want stay bed -@theajp Glad you enjoyed it mate. Any more gigs lined up in the near future? None on the horizon for me at the mo ,0,theajp glad enjoyed mate gig lined near future none horizon mo -isnt feelin 100% 2day ,0,isnt feelin 00 day -going to watch julian play bball. i want phoebe ,0,going watch julian play bball want phoebe -@DuncanMacrae hmmm well good luck with that..... ,0,duncanmacrae hmmm well good luck -just got a denied letter from bazaar bizarre. sad. i was looking forward to a road trip to be a vendor there ,0,got denied letter bazaar bizarre sad looking forward road trip vendor -Now even more annoyed with Bones. I would have preferred the gratuitous grossness. Poor Angela ,0,even annoyed bone would preferred gratuitous grossness poor angela -"@OnlineMigration me too!, although im still going hehe",0,onlinemigration although im still going hehe -I am layin in bed @ 3am cos my tummy is beatboxn so bd so I hd 2 wake up. can't eat. Unburnable calories nt gd for my "abs" I am hungry! ,0,layin bed co tummy beatboxn bd hd wake eat unburnable calorie nt gd quot ab quot hungry -Bed... Work in am ,0,bed work -No rain please ,0,rain please -@gabysslave thanks - you too! I have an essay to write ,0,gabysslave thanks essay write -"Fuck! Len Wein's house caught fire earlier today. The family is safe, but they lost their dog. ",0,fuck len wein house caught fire earlier today family safe lost dog -thinks factorial designs are going to be the death of my test "A". Who comes up with this confusing "mathy" stuff? Ugh ,0,think factorial design going death test quot quot come confusing quot mathy quot stuff ugh -@schnicklefritz OMG! I have the same problem! I lent it to someone and they never gave it back!!! ,0,schnicklefritz omg problem lent someone never gave back -"@friendlypharm too bad it's true, for the most part ",0,friendlypharm bad true part -@THEcamacho danm I wanted to hear that studying sucks ,0,thecamacho danm wanted hear studying suck -YAY hannah montanas on disney channel fun ......NOT ,0,yay hannah montana disney channel fun -all the photos i try to upload are too big ,0,photo try upload big -Somewhere in the world right now the sun is shining and people are busy...but not here ,0,somewhere world right sun shining people busy -@Labrys67 the chat broked? ,0,labrys chat broked -@ruthclayton oh i aint gonna be ur bitch but i will be HIS.. muwahaha,0,ruthclayton oh aint gon na ur bitch muwahaha -Caught myself looking up the iphone. Promised I wouldn't torcher myself as I still have 6 months left on my current contract ,0,caught looking iphone promised torcher still month left current contract -Goodnight everyone. Well I'm not feeling much better and I'm going to the doctor tomorrow. ,0,goodnight everyone well feeling much better going doctor tomorrow -@cardinaire ya me too ,0,cardinaire ya -Blimmin' heck i'm slightly tired! And i still didn't see no Otalia ,0,blimmin heck slightly tired still see otalia -"im going 2 bed nowww - surprising??? Not rly, i have school 2morow, thats right, my spring break days r over ",0,im going bed nowww surprising rly school morow thats right spring break day r -Wants her camera back! ,0,want camera back -first: UNC DOMINATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. second: the hills is back (hallelujah). third: econ paper? gaussian copula is def. NOT that deal ,0,first unc dominated second hill back hallelujah third econ paper gaussian copula def deal -Is physically tired but can't sleep ,0,physically tired sleep -tks pa 4 "tapauing" croissant tuna knowing dat Ive back-to-back meetings since morning & Zuraidah tks 4 buying my FAV STARBUCK MOCHA FRAP,0,tks pa quot tapauing quot croissant tuna knowing dat ive back back meeting since morning amp zuraidah tks buying fav starbuck mocha frap -"@RussyRhubarb A new twitter name without telling me? Boo. By the way, I think Oberon is dead Haven't seen him for ages...",0,russyrhubarb new twitter name without telling boo way think oberon dead seen age -"@jeffsmithcars Why would you want to send traffic to that page? At the bottom, you say you're not done ",0,jeffsmithcars would want send traffic page bottom say done -@arielehenriques Why do I feel like your preaching to me? lol damn I'm guilty ,0,arielehenriques feel like preaching lol damn guilty -"Looking at it, I seem to be getting a completely different config.. Finding shared hosting hard not having control ",0,looking seem getting completely different config finding shared hosting hard control -TV w/charley she is too cute and too sweet...trying to get over the blues cheer me up tweeters,0,tv w charley cute sweet trying get blue cheer tweeter -@Djteck Mean ,0,djteck mean -While I do enjoy my job very much. Its always nicest outside when I'm indoors ,0,enjoy job much always nicest outside indoors -morning everyone!! still feeling poorly! hope u all have a good day! x,0,morning everyone still feeling poorly hope u good day x -contemplated going out for a post-midnight walk but still have piles of work to get through ,0,contemplated going post midnight walk still pile work get -oh em gee. this is love http://tinyurl.com/djjc46 want want want! lusting after things i cannot afford. ,0,oh em gee love http tinyurl com djjc want want want lusting thing afford -Everything is still broken! ,0,everything still broken -Mir every single morning I feel sick ,0,mir every single morning feel sick -i had 7 hours of sleep and now i cant go back to sleeping im thirsty,0,hour sleep cant go back sleeping im thirsty -@indiblogger do i neeI dotn get any comments and suggestions ,0,indiblogger neei dotn get comment suggestion -"My peace, quiet & stress freeness is bout to come to an end ",0,peace quiet amp stress freeness bout come end -"found my Sana...and has realized, that just like a white girl, I eat my problems ",0,found sana realized like white girl eat problem -In work sooo bored !,0,work sooo bored -"@MissElizabeth Food allergies suck! I became allergic to shellfish about 4 months ago out of the blue, and I used to love shrimp. ",0,misselizabeth food allergy suck became allergic shellfish month ago blue used love shrimp -@d_TRIX my mom just had a root canal also...i feel your pain buddy! ,0,trix mom root canal also feel pain buddy -Not even 8.30am and there's far too much noise in the office Should have worked from home today.,0,even 0am far much noise office worked home today -"@louislucci I usually only sleep 4 hours a night or so. Going to bed now, have to get up at 5am ",0,louislucci usually sleep hour night going bed get -@tommcfly Good morning Tom! Why can't I send you a message? This is too short for the question I have Well to bad for me I guess..,0,tommcfly good morning tom send message short question well bad guess -"Guess what? My Dad is PREGNANT!!! lol nah, the doctor does have to give him an epidural for his chronic back pain, though. ",0,guess dad pregnant lol nah doctor give epidural chronic back pain though -"@josordoni yeah it was good news, a y combinator interview next week! dunno bout the oyster, will just suck it up I guess ",0,josordoni yeah good news combinator interview next week dunno bout oyster suck guess -@Sir_Almo it wont let me play DOH keeps saying user not valid ,0,sir almo wont let play doh keep saying user valid -@eNiBeNi i would if i knew them ed si que se duerme temprano :S,0,enibeni would knew ed si que se duerme temprano -@valonthecoast LOL awwww....I'm sorry you're stuck n bored...Yes hun I thought you be trying to keep yourself entertained...can't be easy ,0,valonthecoast lol awwww sorry stuck n bored yes hun thought trying keep entertained easy -@Jamzeee I knowwwwww I sukkkk !!.... .. Take care of my gurls ...,0,jamzeee knowwwwww sukkkk take care gurls -"@Kal_Penn arrrggghhh, and I hadn't seen last night's episode yet! Pity to lose you, though. ",0,kal penn arrrggghhh seen last night episode yet pity lose though -Early morning meetings ,0,early morning meeting -@infidelsarecool ugh how depressing. i want to punch something.,0,infidelsarecool ugh depressing want punch something -I STILL don't understand how to setup subversion for a website ,0,still understand setup subversion website -@imperiusrex Brahbrah. Ugh. Bed in a hour. ,0,imperiusrex brahbrah ugh bed hour -"@joshsharp no money yet, i dont know anyone who has maybe its all just a lie!! hes having us on so we all like him a little bit more lol",0,joshsharp money yet dont know anyone maybe lie he u like little bit lol -"sat at work Not fair, so not fair",0,sat work fair fair -Whoh what a day... Now for the shut part... Hydraulics assignment time ,0,whoh day shut part hydraulics assignment time -oh wtf @ house. NOT COOL. ,0,oh wtf house cool -Brain Hurty Squishy Mess ,0,brain hurty squishy mess -@vomitto ahh ai dreptate Pixar ,0,vomitto ahh ai dreptate pixar -woke up too early ,0,woke early -watching tv. trying to sleep. not working. ,0,watching tv trying sleep working -@lisalent As part of Freeview? We don't get the sports channel ,0,lisalent part freeview get sport channel -No way I'm gonna sleep tonight ,0,way gon na sleep tonight -No TravoRadio this morning. BlipFM is down. ,0,travoradio morning blipfm -@DTizzler and it took me my entire walk to the train station to undo it ,0,dtizzler took entire walk train station undo -@amyg0716 thats really sad i wolud hate that! but i had choco milk earlier =D lol,0,amyg0 thats really sad wolud hate choco milk earlier lol -"I have had an allergic reaction to my contacts, stuck with my specs until it clears up. Means and end to my breast feeding tho ",0,allergic reaction contact stuck spec clear mean end breast feeding tho -wow my x60s is dead ,0,wow x 0 dead -just finished cooking spag bol from scratch.. in other words been cooking for the past 4 hours! i'm not hungry anymore ,0,finished cooking spag bol scratch word cooking past hour hungry anymore -trying to write dssertation ,0,trying write dssertation -@ilovedt that's what I thought. Bummer! ,0,ilovedt thought bummer -".. This response from Support is blatantly untrue, fake accounts are shut down all the time! And it contradicts their own Terms too. ",0,response support blatantly untrue fake account shut time contradicts term -Oh noooooo Kath is back from Annual Leave!!!!! du du duuuuuuuu!,0,oh noooooo kath back annual leave du du duuuuuuuu -@Kal_Penn thank you for being a great character on House! I'm sad to see you go! ,0,kal penn thank great character house sad see go -@babyporridge I didn't get your 'Twitter is crap' reply ,0,babyporridge get twitter crap reply -"Dad was admitted to hospital yesterday, so want to fly to Cape Town to visit... R1900 for monday return ticket on #Kulula ",0,dad admitted hospital yesterday want fly cape town visit r 900 monday return ticket kulula -Haven't tweeted in ages my twitterberry doesn't work anymore help! ,0,tweeted age twitterberry work anymore help -I don't like these late start night shifts coupled with it being bloody light outside my window when I'm meant to be going to sleep ,0,like late start night shift coupled bloody light outside window meant going sleep -Longing for yesterday ,0,longing yesterday -i want a guy like carmello or jimmy ,0,want guy like carmello jimmy -@_laertesgirl Sorry to hear that. Anything specific? x,0,laertesgirl sorry hear anything specific x -ha ha ha damn i had such good time chillin wit my favorite hizzo danced my face off @ the lodge never made it to backbooth ..,0,ha ha ha damn good time chillin wit favorite hizzo danced face lodge never made backbooth -Work today ,0,work today -@EvilUnicorn im not on aim rn ,0,evilunicorn im aim rn -"I accidentally put sugar in my food instead of salt, so now I'm eating sweet fried rice My clumsiness astounds me sometimes!!",0,accidentally put sugar food instead salt eating sweet fried rice clumsiness astounds sometimes -Why don't the hot guys from my gym get on my train in the morning? It's always full of dullards ,0,hot guy gym get train morning always full dullard -Another sales pitch today for a potential #surface customer. I do more sales than development these days ,0,another sale pitch today potential surface customer sale development day -"Downloading the torrent of last night's SYTYCDA, where my love BJ was tragically (but predictably) eliminated ",0,downloading torrent last night sytycda love bj tragically predictably eliminated -Waiting for an update about my car. It's in the shop again! ,0,waiting update car shop -Bored from doing homework What is pingping doing?,0,bored homework pingping -"The worst part about laundry is: the longer that you wait to do it, the more unpleasant it becomes. ",0,worst part laundry longer wait unpleasant becomes -"@ZappoMan oh, your tweet was about weapons? That's covered by Pandora's Box - can't uninvent it, leaving us all with MAD ",0,zappoman oh tweet weapon covered pandora box uninvent leaving u mad -FUCK....I CAN'T SLEEP ,0,fuck sleep -"@reznik360 @bonbonfire another fun confab, no matter what comes of it. i wish i hadn't worked until 9. i'm gonna miss next week, though. ",0,reznik 0 bonbonfire another fun confab matter come wish worked 9 gon na miss next week though -is sooo proud with her bro! huhu.. he's so talentfull.. i wish i could do best like him.. ,0,sooo proud bro huhu talentfull wish could best like -i'm missing my best friends. I miss our fun times together. I love you guys and i miss you so much ,0,missing best friend miss fun time together love guy miss much -Done with homework. Sneezing but feeling better! 28 days,0,done homework sneezing feeling better day -Passed out last night while mum was puttin cream on my.tattoo ,0,passed last night mum puttin cream tattoo -@PrinceDavey aww no invite?? lol jk. coolness for the day off!,0,princedavey aww invite lol jk coolness day -@BobbyLy Nah gentlemen. I got class at 8AM on Wednesdays. But thanks anyway!<3,0,bobbyly nah gentleman got class wednesday thanks anyway lt -@PhillyD Awe it always sucks when you cant sleep in your own bed Hope your dad gets better he is in my prayers .,0,phillyd awe always suck cant sleep bed hope dad get better prayer -Note to you all: don't go to the choclate bar @ schiphol!! it is passengers only ,0,note go choclate bar schiphol passenger -didnt hear from my hunn today ,0,didnt hear hunn today -@getvisible journalists are up there with ambulance chasing lawyers in my reckoning ,0,getvisible journalist ambulance chasing lawyer reckoning -"Good morning world, couldn't sleep tonight Copenhagen doesn't want to leave my head...",0,good morning world sleep tonight copenhagen want leave head -Flo rider has sampled that blue song he messed that song up for me ,0,flo rider sampled blue song messed song -@devakishor Oh oh! That's sad! ,0,devakishor oh oh sad -i had a extravagant yet time conserving plan lined up for today.......which ive now forgotten ,0,extravagant yet time conserving plan lined today ive forgotten -@iwouldificould How have you watched it? I tried the youtube link but it won't work! ,0,iwouldificould watched tried youtube link work -missing my boyfriend who im on the phone with but its just not the same TWEET,0,missing boyfriend im phone tweet -wont get any rudd money for those in doubt... http://calculators.ato.gov.au/scripts/axos/axos.asp?CONTEXT=&KBS=ESB.xr4&go=ok,0,wont get rudd money doubt http calculator ato gov au script axos axos asp context amp kb esb xr amp go ok -@RebeccaMayne That does sound boring as hell becs ,0,rebeccamayne sound boring hell becs -is sad because there was another earthquake in italy.. ,0,sad another earthquake italy -@wilshipley I am sad... the Dutch localization in DL2 is bad... it's incomplete and has too many truncations...,0,wilshipley sad dutch localization dl bad incomplete many truncation -@Codylfriend - you're not sweet ,0,codylfriend sweet -@disobedientgirl wonderful.. I ll be slogging at 9.. you get up at 9 eh.. ,0,disobedientgirl wonderful slogging 9 get 9 eh -@MrBigglesrox hey emily you lie!!! meanie ,0,mrbigglesrox hey emily lie meanie -@Pauliwhirl OMG WHINE WHINE WHINE WHINE HOUSING LOTERY IS OVER STFU I HAD TO EXPLAIN TO QIDONG THAT HE WAS FUCKED. ,0,pauliwhirl omg whine whine whine whine housing lotery stfu explain qidong fucked -I stayed up too late. Didn't get the design done like I wanted to ,0,stayed late get design done like wanted -Allergies playin up like mad today ,0,allergy playin like mad today -Planting a friend today. Not been to a funeral in >20 years.,0,planting friend today funeral gt 0 year -No music today. Blip.fm is undergoing maintenance ,0,music today blip fm undergoing maintenance -@anyshalyke oh you went clubbing without me lol next time we can do it together,0,anyshalyke oh went clubbing without lol next time together -JUST realized im talking to no one... ,0,realized im talking one -@jacvanek What a sad thought if it isnt! <3 CC,0,jacvanek sad thought isnt lt cc -"doesn't want to go to school tomorrow. it's the last day, but it's also twyla's day off ",0,want go school tomorrow last day also twyla day -@bavster_twit u can't sip crap vodka! Nope not done #c25k got ominous knee pain - not good ,0,bavster twit u sip crap vodka nope done c k got ominous knee pain good -Off to the doctor's today emily has a rash which looks like the measles ,0,doctor today emily rash look like measles -@shantelleb so has mine ,0,shantelleb mine -@Aiiane What's wrong with being an attention whore? ,0,aiiane wrong attention whore -on the coach gonna be fun!,0,coach gon na fun -Misses Rach already ,0,miss rach already -@DeiondraSanders I'm always up late. I wish I was a morning person but I'm not ,0,deiondrasanders always late wish morning person -AHHHHHHH! Everyones doing laundry except me ,0,ahhhhhhh everyones laundry except -boxee now has Pandora. Useless to me here in Oz. Boo hoo ,0,boxee pandora useless oz boo hoo -i hurt my leg! ,0,hurt leg -"@timvansas no, not yet But also need to finish the rest of it ;)",0,timvansas yet also need finish rest -@seanporter thank uuu! i know i heard youre in dallas ,0,seanporter thank uuu know heard youre dallas -Downy weather Where's the summer?,0,downy weather summer -@KarsentheSlater I'm getting pissy lately - I know I make mormon jokes at you - I'm sorry. I hear mormon jokes now and I feel bad. ,0,karsentheslater getting pissy lately know make mormon joke sorry hear mormon joke feel bad -"Also, I realize that sounded a tad drama-queen, but I haven't been sick in YEARS. It's hittin me hard this time ",0,also realize sounded tad drama queen sick year hittin hard time -Okay I'm sorry that was mean. I'm not nice ,0,okay sorry mean nice -Craaaaap. My Macbook Pro is kernel panicking a lot now. I think I'm going to be forced into an upgrade sooner than this summer ,0,craaaaap macbook pro kernel panicking lot think going forced upgrade sooner summer -pose ta b goin ta AZ dis week i hope lol,0,pose ta b goin ta az dis week hope lol -"Well that made me sad, i sat down to watch tv, and then remembered i dont have cable anymore. Lol.",0,well made sad sat watch tv remembered dont cable anymore lol -@1an3 thank you!! I have to now do it all again today ,0,thank today -Had a lovely day at the beach followed by dinner with a gorgeous lady ;) roll on the work today Booo!,0,lovely day beach followed dinner gorgeous lady roll work today booo -"@TyJaneTrev i agreee! clearly they only want attention, SORRY I COULDN'T CATCH THE TRAIN MATEEE ",0,tyjanetrev agreee clearly want attention sorry catch train mateee -"i got smoke in my eyes, now they burn ",0,got smoke eye burn -"Loves what #drupal file framework module could do, but is sick of Bitcache errors making it impossible to upload files ",0,love drupal file framework module could sick bitcache error making impossible upload file -i feel lonely today.... ,0,feel lonely today -@hebb I wish I could go to bed... ,0,hebb wish could go bed -Haha my house is creepy at night!! It creaks and stuff..scary. lol..I'm gonna go to bed.,0,haha house creepy night creak stuff scary lol gon na go bed -can't upload my pic ,0,upload pic -ah..I hate flu..now its third day. guess what happened accidently I shaved my eye brows off. I need glasses ,0,ah hate flu third day guess happened accidently shaved eye brow need glass -@zackdft but i like reading the bullshit! ,0,zackdft like reading bullshit -im so confused This SUCKS!!!!!,0,im confused suck -has to study math 4 econ but isnt in the mood ,0,study math econ isnt mood -"@MissCassandra StiLL on my "Lions & Tigers & Bears" shyt............. but GOD is gOOd consequently, I wiLL be tOO",0,misscassandra still quot lion amp tiger amp bear quot shyt god good consequently -why do other people get replies ,0,people get reply -"Damn stiff neck, day 2 ",0,damn stiff neck day -@djginaturner no le gusta house of house 5 min intro ,0,djginaturner le gusta house house min intro -Missing the fab five ,0,missing fab five -@marcellariley it was a repeat tonight for Gossip Girl ,0,marcellariley repeat tonight gossip girl -is losing her hubby for a week tomorrow for work. Easter and all ,0,losing hubby week tomorrow work easter -@HoptonHouseBnB I'm thinking of getting my old FM tuner from the garage as I'm having problems when my PC just stops playing audio ,0,hoptonhousebnb thinking getting old fm tuner garage problem pc stop playing audio -i want my money from kevo to hurry up ,0,want money kevo hurry -Anybody willing to help me??? I've been trying to make a sad tune on the piano for a new song but it always ends up happy and bright ???,0,anybody willing help trying make sad tune piano new song always end happy bright -@bursaar Good for me. I haven't gone to bed... ,0,bursaar good gone bed -baking oatmeal + chocolate chip cookies to make me tired. i can't sleep ,0,baking oatmeal chocolate chip cooky make tired sleep -and so the editing of 3000 wedding shots begins ,0,editing 000 wedding shot begin -my facebook is Fucked. ,0,facebook fucked -@KellyShibari i thought i saw you there! you were walking out the door when i saw you. ,0,kellyshibari thought saw walking door saw -@derek319 @shwe370 sweet! That was fun... Except it stretched my browser... And I was watching Twit! ,0,derek 9 shwe 0 sweet fun except stretched browser watching twit -Ads not yet appeared Google Adsense Team said it may delay 48 hrs on http://womenissues.info,0,ad yet appeared google adsense team said may delay hr http womenissues info -tired i need a regular 9-5,0,tired need regular 9 -my dog is in my room SNORING! ,0,dog room snoring -Going to sleep... hoping to wake up and tommorow will be Wednesday instead of Tuesday... I really don't want to go to work ,0,going sleep hoping wake tommorow wednesday instead tuesday really want go work -@wtfanabel nite!! I still cant go to sleep. ,0,wtfanabel nite still cant go sleep -Im such an insomniac this week ,0,im insomniac week -@alissa_rules Basically. I feel like I need to take better care of myself after seeing that fool. No more juicin' for me ,0,alissa rule basically feel like need take better care seeing fool juicin -still spitting out stitches from that bone graft ,0,still spitting stitch bone graft -hooray for the ever so reliable signalflare server ,0,hooray ever reliable signalflare server -"Well that was a fun nights work, now to start the working day ",0,well fun night work start working day -Sleepin. @skankityspence halo tonight before you leave ,0,sleepin skankityspence halo tonight leave -@Schofe not off the side of the bridge I hope? ,0,schofe side bridge hope -watchin.. I'm not there. and missing heath ledger ,0,watchin missing heath ledger -"@Indigored_hot sorry your day was a waste, hope you found some good bits in it and YAY you are homeward bound.",0,indigored hot sorry day waste hope found good bit yay homeward bound -"@awillert im so jealous..i want salsa, but the cookies were AMAZING!",0,awillert im jealous want salsa cooky amazing -blip is "under maintenance" & i'm goin' through withdrawel ,0,blip quot maintenance quot amp goin withdrawel -"@MadNinjaCurl hey neighbor, neither can I ",0,madninjacurl hey neighbor neither -@msJodiOdie its such a sad situation. Though 1-in-3 of us will be beaten. In US every 15 seconds & 3 killed a day. It's sadly commonplace ,0,msjodiodie sad situation though u beaten u every second amp killed day sadly commonplace -and so the editing of 3000 wedding shots begins ,0,editing 000 wedding shot begin -Journalist throws shoe at Chidambaram http://ibnlive.in.com/news/journalist-throws-shoe-at-chidambaram/89666-3.html,0,journalist throw shoe chidambaram http ibnlive com news journalist throw shoe chidambaram 9 html -"starting to resent always being struck by creativity after midnight, then having to get up for work in the morning ",0,starting resent always struck creativity midnight get work morning -What's the best way to eat reheated pizza I keep trying to eat this one but it's too hot and makes my mouth be in pain ,0,best way eat reheated pizza keep trying eat one hot make mouth pain -Nothing was sick all day it sucked im just up late cant sleep ,0,nothing sick day sucked im late cant sleep -Even with the best intentions i'm late for work again ,0,even best intention late work -"@Linda_James Thank you!! I spent ages on Thursday tidying up, then along came everyone and it looked like a right tip again ",0,linda james thank spent age thursday tidying along came everyone looked like right tip - Heroes is losing it's momentum ): come on writers pick it up!!!,0,hero losing momentum come writer pick -it�s so boring ,0,boring -is back at work...Although I wish I was back in bed... ,0,back work although wish back bed -its sprained!! so glad im on holidays,0,sprained glad im holiday -"Stupid bus was early I missed it. Stupid thing Then I missed the bus after that. Finally got a bus, then missed my second :'( gutz.",0,stupid bus early missed stupid thing missed bus finally got bus missed second gutz -"@MrNokill @MrNokill problem is they aren't appealing to a wide enough audience, even though they think they may be ",0,mrnokill mrnokill problem appealing wide enough audience even though think may -@AiyerChitra Yikes! Now i have no clues what to do! ,0,aiyerchitra yikes clue -I am engaged to muppet orlando and i just realised oh my god i cant marry Justin Timberlake ,0,engaged muppet orlando realised oh god cant marry justin timberlake -gosh it`t 9:39 am and i am soooo tired "yawn" i want to go back to sleep but i can`t ,0,gosh 9 9 soooo tired quot yawn quot want go back sleep -On the train sans Guardian ,0,train sans guardian -Made it into DC on Saturday afternoon after 17 hours in air and am now in South FL...jetlag sucks!! Haven't had a full sleep since Thurs ,0,made dc saturday afternoon hour air south fl jetlag suck full sleep since thurs -"I'm at work, and I'm sick.. And its helluva lot todo. This blows. ",0,work sick helluva lot todo blow -i am so screwed up! a confused and dumb child! i NEVER felt so bad all my life! i wish i have any specialty! too bad i have none ='(,0,screwed confused dumb child never felt bad life wish specialty bad none -Went to the doctor's today and my blood sugar level was 178. ,0,went doctor today blood sugar level -gosh...it makes me sad when people don't give God a chance ,0,gosh make sad people give god chance -"@kaylee110 *yawns* i'm pretty good, thanks, awww i'm sorry to hear that! feel better soon <3",0,kaylee 0 yawn pretty good thanks awww sorry hear feel better soon lt -@shelikescute that's so sad ,0,shelikescute sad -It's 8:40am... I've been awake for nearly 2 hours ,0,0am awake nearly hour -can't sleep. I don't like Sonny being gone. ,0,sleep like sonny gone -Not drunk at all @kirstiekalamity,0,drunk kirstiekalamity -finally! updated...oohh I sooo miss the internet {sorry to say that woop2x may not open apr.10} so how's it goin'??,0,finally updated oohh sooo miss internet sorry say woop x may open apr 0 goin -i miss @sebby_peek ,0,miss sebby peek -"@dadi_iyal and you'll get familiar with twitter pretty soon!!! i'm not coming back this summer, so that means i dont even see you then?! ",0,dadi iyal get familiar twitter pretty soon coming back summer mean dont even see -loves to get drunk... just not by himself ,0,love get drunk -I have a hole in my favourite top. I bought it in the sale before Christmas so I can't even get an exchange might try fixing it later.,0,hole favourite top bought sale christmas even get exchange might try fixing later -"feeling very poorly and sorry for myself. Can't swallow, ow Stupid glands.",0,feeling poorly sorry swallow ow stupid gland -@StreetWearBear. yes I am thanks for reaveling to the world bro fuck my life hahaha,0,streetwearbear yes thanks reaveling world bro fuck life hahaha -@cherrytreerec I can't see anything Stupid YouTube and their location restrictions. Who's in the Speedo?,0,cherrytreerec see anything stupid youtube location restriction speedo -She now wants an mmmf except I have to only play a supporting role would mind but the other two guys have huge cocks what am I to do? ,0,want mmmf except play supporting role would mind two guy huge cock -Banned from Sims Forums for the rest of the week. Aww It feels weird. I was only sticking up for Chanel :'(,0,banned sims forum rest week aww feel weird sticking chanel -@willadam i treated myself to that latte after the appointment which was horrible. I need to have my wisdom teeth surgically removed ,0,willadam treated latte appointment horrible need wisdom teeth surgically removed -@CelesteChong oh but mine is ceramic so its more ex abit less visible. inside ones are very ex! double the price n double the duration,0,celestechong oh mine ceramic ex abit le visible inside one ex double price n double duration -"Dear Crimestoppers, thankyou for your regular service of our burglar alarm, I'm most grateful for the new 200dB ear-deafening entry tones ",0,dear crimestoppers thankyou regular service burglar alarm grateful new 00db ear deafening entry tone -"All the fightin and name callin, i can still run 2 my sister! nite...",0,fightin name callin still run sister nite -sick today and i have a lot to do at work ,0,sick today lot work -Trying to find a tech job. Can't find any entry level jobs any were. Also just about every job site has more spam now then jobs.,0,trying find tech job find entry level job also every job site spam job -4 am insomnia is a BITCH ,0,insomnia bitch -just threw up all over the bathroom. not fun ,0,threw bathroom fun -off to work ,0,work -Really hungry and sad that I had to throw my breakfast in the bin ,0,really hungry sad throw breakfast bin -Oh darn...it's mandy creed isnt it @jordar @mikerra ,0,oh darn mandy creed isnt jordar mikerra -i dont understand. i didnt mean to break anyones heart. ,0,dont understand didnt mean break anyones heart -"Obama is visiting istanbul today, therefore all main roads have been closed cause and effect !!!",0,obama visiting istanbul today therefore main road closed cause effect -"A lovely day, blazing sunshine.... too bad I have to work ",0,lovely day blazing sunshine bad work -"OMG my girl just woke me up, reason doesnt matter & now I cant fall back to sleep Gotta b up at 5 so maybe I'll just stay up. **sigh**",0,omg girl woke reason doesnt matter amp cant fall back sleep got ta b maybe stay sigh -"@viennateng Why didn't you tweet that you are in Germany, Heard about the concert in Marburg in the Radio 1 hour before it started. ",0,viennateng tweet germany heard concert marburg radio hour started -late night is all re-runs http://ff.im/1Y02L,0,late night run http ff im y0 l -just getting home...its snowing ,0,getting home snowing -@roxy_yeah yep a loser. ,0,roxy yeah yep loser -and finito! All bathroom contractors been thru the house. Quotes incoming then i need to bite the bullet ,0,finito bathroom contractor thru house quote incoming need bite bullet -@caitlinaudrey awww! that sucks! are you going to the sydney one?,0,caitlinaudrey awww suck going sydney one -"Sorry, SF. Rescheduling my SF trip for this coming weekend to mid May. Bad circumstances ",0,sorry sf rescheduling sf trip coming weekend mid may bad circumstance -"2morw I get my blasted wisdom teeth pulled! Need sleep...cnt stop worryng, I hate needles ",0,morw get blasted wisdom teeth pulled need sleep cnt stop worryng hate needle -"Morning twitterati...... Large coffee and a bath on top of todays list, first appt 10am then loads of desk work. ",0,morning twitterati large coffee bath top today list first appt 0am load desk work -hitting the gym! afterwards looking forward to rewiring my studio... yet again ,0,hitting gym afterwards looking forward rewiring studio yet -doesnt want to go to work lol ,0,doesnt want go work lol -"@SherriGarrity Sorry I missed responding yesterday Rochester is in MN, so we are not to far from each other! Dark chocolate rocks!",0,sherrigarrity sorry missed responding yesterday rochester mn far dark chocolate rock -i wanna come with them to bohol!!!! ,0,wan na come bohol -I have a cold buee,0,cold buee -Ate a piece of angel food cake and another Laffy Taffy ,0,ate piece angel food cake another laffy taffy -"Driving back to La Quinta tomorrow... I should sleep, but I'm oddly wired. ",0,driving back la quinta tomorrow sleep oddly wired -aaaaaaaaaah still cold outside... at least it's sunny! For now that is ,0,aaaaaaaaaah still cold outside least sunny -is running on low batteries.... http://plurk.com/p/n0blb,0,running low battery http plurk com p n0blb -At shell gas station. lunch break. Tired. ,0,shell gas station lunch break tired -Ready for sleep but having trouble sleeping ,0,ready sleep trouble sleeping -just burnt my fingers on a hot cup of tea - ouch!!! ,0,burnt finger hot cup tea ouch -Hhh~ It's times like THAT when you want things to stay right Then someone comes and wrecks it.,0,hhh time like want thing stay right someone come wreck -"@mileycyrus i have the same problem, but it's 4:43 here... let's see if counting works..1234...56 57 58... 132 133 134... no z's for me! ",0,mileycyrus problem let see counting work z - there is no way i can go to school today im way to sick,0,way go school today im way sick -Wikipedia has gone forever! See what the goverment do its there fualt lets hope donations or something bring it back !!,0,wikipedia gone forever see goverment fualt let hope donation something bring back -Can't seem to get over the dissapointment of haveing absolutly no one notice I am gone. Sad I must not be boring I must not be boring...,0,seem get dissapointment haveing absolutly one notice gone sad must boring must boring -"http://twitpic.com/2y5s9 - He only reminds me of him because he doesn't wash his hair, that's all. Gross, I know! ",0,http twitpic com s9 reminds wash hair gross know -Is feeling like dancing in the rain like a pixie......but the rain stopped ohh well....lol I'll watch flight of the conchords instead,0,feeling like dancing rain like pixie rain stopped ohh well lol watch flight conchords instead -just got back from the funeral of a government employee-friend. http://plurk.com/p/n0bvd,0,got back funeral government employee friend http plurk com p n0bvd -@deepbluesealove Your beau's not online tonight bummer for U...And No music either!,0,deepbluesealove beau online tonight bummer u music either -Started getting mailshots aimed at pensioners - it's all downhill now ,0,started getting mailshots aimed pensioner downhill -Wishing I could sneak in to watch the Star Trek premiere ,0,wishing could sneak watch star trek premiere -owww.... just hit my elbow really hard on a door ,0,owww hit elbow really hard door -cant wait 2 c Carter when bak @ skewl hate gettin sick it suks.......blech ,0,cant wait c carter bak skewl hate gettin sick suks blech -@Best_Flights Need 2 get ass in gear! Wana go away 24/6 bt nt sure where Cairo & UK maybe bt may b able 2 go earlier bt wont no til 8/5 ,0,best flight need get as gear wana go away bt nt sure cairo amp uk maybe bt may b able go earlier bt wont til -"wow #epicfail on me. I did a search for epicfail and didn't see many entries but apparently, it's widely used. I'm depressed now ",0,wow epicfail search epicfail see many entry apparently widely used depressed -"I don't want to be cold in April, but I am ",0,want cold april -"Noes, my goat-wool socks have worn through ",0,no goat wool sock worn -SO tired but can't sleep ,0,tired sleep -Dropped car off to get exhaust replaced - that's �250 I could do without spending ,0,dropped car get exhaust replaced 0 could without spending -"School work BORING, Working on a business law paper right now can't wait till i'm done. Hopefully tomorrow grrrr... ",0,school work boring working business law paper right wait till done hopefully tomorrow grrrr -Too many assignments ,0,many assignment -"@olabini still here, though the site is gone ",0,olabini still though site gone -Got to pause twilight now as nearly at work ,0,got pause twilight nearly work -"@hollaglam my fav English teacher, she just had miscarriage. & u knw wht makes me sad even more? she was going to name her baby Tamara ",0,hollaglam fav english teacher miscarriage amp u knw wht make sad even going name baby tamara -"Anxiously awaiting June 28th, it can not come soon enough (my graduation ceremony). Am not looking forward to the 10th end of my break ",0,anxiously awaiting june th come soon enough graduation ceremony looking forward 0th end break -What is common between Chidambaram and George Bush ?,0,common chidambaram george bush -Morning everyone! Stuck in registration for a while then assembley! Nayyy ,0,morning everyone stuck registration assembley nayyy -@Cezzadwen I think that it's pretty standard wherever you go? Can't find it anywhere in Canberra yet ,0,cezzadwen think pretty standard wherever go find anywhere canberra yet -home with the flu ahhh suxz well and tired will go to sleep in about an hour or so Goodnites !,0,home flu ahhh suxz well tired go sleep hour goodnites -The first serial about my city so stupid... ,0,first serial city stupid -@sianllewellyn ive txt you this morning ,0,sianllewellyn ive txt morning -@LFTA Got me what again? I'm sorry I can't understand ur last tweet ,0,lfta got sorry understand ur last tweet -What is common between Chidambaram and George Bush http://news.oneindia.in/2009/04/07/sikh-journalist-hurls-shoe-at-p-chidambaram.html,0,common chidambaram george bush http news oneindia 009 0 0 sikh journalist hurl shoe p chidambaram html -I feel like I should change my picture but I don't think I could part with my bff Audrey Hepburn. ,0,feel like change picture think could part bff audrey hepburn -"nooooo!! I was doing so good, im not allowed to cry.. ughhh, staying up late makes me think about stuff.. ",0,nooooo good im allowed cry ughhh staying late make think stuff -"My forehead is starting to feel like someone has cut a slice out of it. Oh, that's right, someone cut a slice out of my forehead today ",0,forehead starting feel like someone cut slice oh right someone cut slice forehead today -"@annemarike oh no owies, when will that happen? ",0,annemarike oh owies happen -Thinking of pay day.....another 3 weeks to go lol,0,thinking pay day another week go lol -@AllStarNinja my choices are limited since they blocked my HULU.. ,0,allstarninja choice limited since blocked hulu -Waiting for my flight. Slumming it in the departure lounge. ,0,waiting flight slumming departure lounge -Area nightclub making �8 out of the bewilldered uni students who have arrived home. while the poor folk like me have to struggle on ,0,area nightclub making bewilldered uni student arrived home poor folk like struggle -It is just me. Uninstalled #rails 2.3.2 and tried with a fresh 2.2.2 app - still no dice. Obviously something bizarre in my setup ,0,uninstalled rail tried fresh app still dice obviously something bizarre setup -"@JCTurner Yeah, not good. Even going back to 2.2.1 didn't resolve it. ",0,jcturner yeah good even going back resolve -@Tasouls what stupid show were you watching? lol. Not that there is any shortage. ,0,tasouls stupid show watching lol shortage -still waiting and missing my baby boy! ,0,still waiting missing baby boy -Omg house what did I ever do to you ,0,omg house ever -"@_adriii OMGOSH, they're like biscuits, so so so yum. xD you haven't lived until you've eaten them missy :p & i miss you too x",0,adriii omgosh like biscuit yum xd lived eaten missy p amp miss x -tooo early. im running late. ,0,tooo early im running late -I don't feel so hot.... ,0,feel hot -Leaving Koh Tao start of journey back to Bangkok http://twitpic.com/2y5uv,0,leaving koh tao start journey back bangkok http twitpic com uv -"@Cuckolds I'm being set up again except now I'll have to watch her with 2 huge membered guys, I feel like a hat stand ",0,cuckold set except watch huge membered guy feel like hat stand -@fionamccarthy I am sure it will! I have got loads to do today ,0,fionamccarthy sure got load today -ps just broke my fucking phone ,0,p broke fucking phone -Not many people from my home town using IRL connect ... ,0,many people home town using irl connect -@xjerx she's at the Ritz LOL but been there before and it's ok for a gig! Not got any more planned what about you?,0,xjerx ritz lol ok gig got planned -is at work!!! xx,0,work xx -@katyrullman This is why you need to not be over in the Old World. I misses hanging out and being awkward with you ,0,katyrullman need old world miss hanging awkward -@aplusk It amazes me men like you actually exist... I hope I find someone someday who will love and value me ,0,aplusk amazes men like actually exist hope find someone someday love value -is going to school to do dt ,0,going school dt -"@Juzley Yaaaay, maybe I should've gone ",0,juzley yaaaay maybe gone -@mileycyrus I guess counting sheep didn't work Hope you get some sleep!,0,mileycyrus guess counting sheep work hope get sleep -/really/ need to clean the sensor in my SLR. As it is I will be doing spot removal from several hundred pictures ,0,really need clean sensor slr spot removal several hundred picture -Woken up by someone hammering >< they have stopped now and I can't get back to sleep ,0,woken someone hammering gt lt stopped get back sleep -has a hangover ,0,hangover -Is stuck in traffic ,0,stuck traffic -"@_elliee haha yeah, i thought it would be much more complicated :') and well ive just got home from school, we've not got holidays x",0,elliee haha yeah thought would much complicated well ive got home school got holiday x -i think i have tonsillitis ,0,think tonsillitis -@mileycyrus I would too if it meant spending a day in heaven w/my mom and getting to see her again. ,0,mileycyrus would meant spending day heaven w mom getting see -"@FoxWhisperer clean, but it resulted in the soft top beaing soaked wet, so I couldn,t open it should be dry now",0,foxwhisperer clean resulted soft top beaing soaked wet open dry -#mhbigcatch 8oz Golem But finally got a Wight - 3oz,0,mhbigcatch oz golem finally got wight oz -"@nick_carter Time for Warcraft yes, but for a simple game of a group of fans no Just let us know if u figure it out, you want the prize?",0,nick carter time warcraft yes simple game group fan let u know u figure want prize -@yopatrizzle Not sure to tell u the truth it's been so long since I've seen him but ask Sumo's daddy @PAULSKRATCH he has full custody lol,0,yopatrizzle sure tell u truth long since seen ask sumo daddy paulskratch full custody lol -Really wish I could see Eddie Izzard on tour Damn the stupid expensive tickets!!! CAKE OR DEATH?!!!,0,really wish could see eddie izzard tour damn stupid expensive ticket cake death -I can't sleep I'm stressing out JPC <3,0,sleep stressing jpc lt -"think im an insomniac, i just cant sleep.. birthday in 5 days... oh yay. ~_~",0,think im insomniac cant sleep birthday day oh yay -*cough*cough*cough* that's all I seem to do right now ,0,cough cough cough seem right -@Kal_Penn most confusing hour of my life. ,0,kal penn confusing hour life -Another long and slow day ahead ... *sigh!* ,0,another long slow day ahead sigh -@islandnene83 well you didnt even consult me to see what my plans were. maybe they changed...and they did. so thanks. ,0,islandnene well didnt even consult see plan maybe changed thanks -dang! i'm lazy i've begun three short stories in the last three weeks... and never finished anything. will. have. more. focus.,0,dang lazy begun three short story last three week never finished anything focus -"@LOSTmeself ;; uh.. february something, haha! imy! ",0,lostmeself uh february something haha imy -@MizzChievouz am sorry to say but it is still in the air ,0,mizzchievouz sorry say still air -holy shindigs. thats HOT.,0,holy shindig thats hot -is thinking he's going to have to reinstall WoW as it simply refuses to update to 3.1.0 irritating times It'll take forever ,0,thinking going reinstall wow simply refuse update 0 irritating time take forever -Okie dokie my tweoples its been a long day and I have to be in the city by 10 am BOOOOOOOOOOOO Good night my lovelies <3,0,okie dokie tweoples long day city 0 boooooooooooo good night lovely lt -hoping I can fall asleep after watching Knowing. Definitely wasn't National Treasure ,0,hoping fall asleep watching knowing definitely national treasure -I think my email / domain is being blocked by Akismet ,0,think email domain blocked akismet -Blip.fm is undergoing maintenance. http://blip.fm/,0,blip fm undergoing maintenance http blip fm -@yayfuckbuddies haha I would but you won't ,0,yayfuckbuddies haha would -"Why is it that anytime that I plan what do, I get sick and all the plans go out the window. ",0,anytime plan get sick plan go window -@rodrigo very grey morning ,0,rodrigo grey morning -feeling ill and sorry for myself ,0,feeling ill sorry -o have too much on my mind and is trying to write it all down so maybe i can get some sleep before class...it's not really working ,0,much mind trying write maybe get sleep class really working -@cufa Getting lots of dentist time myself at the moment. Very stressfull and sore take it nice and easy for the rest of the day!,0,cufa getting lot dentist time moment stressfull sore take nice easy rest day -Coke Zero mobile site broken... on iPhone anyway... http://twitpic.com/2y5xp,0,coke zero mobile site broken iphone anyway http twitpic com xp -""Bruce Springsteen embarks on world tour." Apparently, Oz is on some other, unworldly planet ",0,quot bruce springsteen embarks world tour quot apparently oz unworldly planet -Today I got2do shopping 4easter! <3 Malachi xx owww I'm so sore too 2day ,0,today got shopping easter lt malachi xx owww sore day -Being grumpy. Abu Dhabi is so boring. There really is nothing to photograph and no one to go with ,0,grumpy abu dhabi boring really nothing photograph one go -"@kel_marshall tell me about it, had some mortgage quotes last sat. Going to be skint for the next 30 years. ",0,kel marshall tell mortgage quote last sat going skint next 0 year -is hoping the posty delivers my pink tickets ,0,hoping posty delivers pink ticket -@rustyrockets do I sense a blog coming on? Too bad I have to leave in like 10 mins xxx,0,rustyrockets sense blog coming bad leave like 0 min xxx -The house is one big mess. Everything is crammed in my bedroom while they do up the other rooms ,0,house one big mess everything crammed bedroom room -Not liking being back at work this morning ,0,liking back work morning -"Argh, opened my crisps upside down. I hate that. ",0,argh opened crisp upside hate -Feeling really really ill ,0,feeling really really ill -Blazing row with boy. Tantrums all round. Missed train and now standing on platform feeling guilty ,0,blazing row boy tantrum round missed train standing platform feeling guilty -Don't have any hot water.... ,0,hot water -@eNiBeNi lol im sorry! love ya! stupid dating coach that makes me feel self-conscious about my hair ,0,enibeni lol im sorry love ya stupid dating coach make feel self conscious hair -@joenoia wass up lovely i anit show you no love yet... ,0,joenoia wa lovely anit show love yet -"Worst dream ever, and not my usual nightmare either. The worst part is its probably gonna come true ",0,worst dream ever usual nightmare either worst part probably gon na come true -pfff i want to go back to bed i feel horrible today ,0,pfff want go back bed feel horrible today -I also want Easter Break / P�sklov! ,0,also want easter break p sklov -can't sleep and dunno why! ,0,sleep dunno -Biking is hard ya'll ,0,biking hard ya -@dougiemcfly morning i'm really upset my rabbit ran away last night and the postman woke me up early reply? ilu x.,0,dougiemcfly morning really upset rabbit ran away last night postman woke early reply ilu x -off to the drs its too early ,0,drs early -man my internet is slow atm ,0,man internet slow atm -is looking at the gray sky. The sun has been stolen again ,0,looking gray sky sun stolen -has a very painful shoulder this morning ,0,painful shoulder morning -4.52 am ... I'm 2 tired 2 think!!!!... Peace out!!!!... M... 5564583833755523.... 811... ,0,tired think peace -i will say it out loud - i miss you a-hole and your answers to my iPhone questions. now who will help me upgrade to 3.0? ,0,say loud miss hole answer iphone question help upgrade 0 -"My heart is abused with so many hurtful lies, and truths. I hate being sappy about these kind of things. I hate it ",0,heart abused many hurtful lie truth hate sappy kind thing hate -so. fucking. bored. of. work ,0,fucking bored work -Landed funny on my foot this morning while jumping down the stairs and I twisted it. Quite sore now.. ,0,landed funny foot morning jumping stair twisted quite sore -in a taxi on the way to get pizza. bad traffic and headache. worst. ,0,taxi way get pizza bad traffic headache worst -"@XombieXS Of course. What aren't they remaking? At least with Haley, I have a bit of hope.",0,xombiexs course remaking least haley bit hope -I had a migraine and now I can't sleep. boo ,0,migraine sleep boo -"For some reason, I have a strong urge to draw illustrations for novel covers. ",0,reason strong urge draw illustration novel cover -"Prodigy were ace last night! Only managed a few hours sleep last night, not feeling myself today Have a cool day guys.",0,prodigy ace last night managed hour sleep last night feeling today cool day guy -has realised that this time it might actually be final ,0,realised time might actually final -having a horrible headache day and nose bleeding...awful feeling ,0,horrible headache day nose bleeding awful feeling -"just found that if I use Windows 7 to browse twitter.com, the firewall software will automatically turns off, and the PC hangs. ",0,found use window browse twitter com firewall software automatically turn pc hang -Back to work with a bump! The long weekend is definitely over ,0,back work bump long weekend definitely -"Curses, my yoghurt exploded in my bag on the way to work. Now everything smells like toffee ",0,curse yoghurt exploded bag way work everything smell like toffee -"My heart is abused with so many hurtful lies and truths. I hate being sappy about these kind of things. I hate it Gold for syf, k?",0,heart abused many hurtful lie truth hate sappy kind thing hate gold syf k -"ias awake, but has to go into school today ",0,ia awake go school today -"im lonely keep me company! 22 female, california",0,im lonely keep company female california -in Genting now! But I now at gohtong jaya using com... ,0,genting gohtong jaya using com -@vishal_ud yeah got no choice.. 5am not to study.. 5 am to reach class on time for the paper hows eco treating you?,0,vishal ud yeah got choice study reach class time paper hows eco treating -@SLotH13 isliye call nahi kiya baad me..thinking ki ab to tu movie dekh raha hoga ,0,sloth isliye call nahi kiya baad thinking ki ab tu movie dekh raha hoga -gloomy weather...again ,0,gloomy weather -*sigh... gonna take a while to find all the files argh,0,sigh gon na take find file argh -is sad that the march break is over ,0,sad march break -@mileycyrus AWWW u seriously have the cutest dog Miley! Sorry your not with her now Hope u get some sleep! xoxo,0,mileycyrus awww u seriously cutest dog miley sorry hope u get sleep xoxo -"QR + Veolia FAIL! Translink, the buses and trains don't align, so the early train is just as late as the bus one hour later ",0,qr veolia fail translink bus train align early train late bus one hour later -@crackcouture wow! that sounds fun! nah just going to melbourne for a couple of days unfortunately ,0,crackcouture wow sound fun nah going melbourne couple day unfortunately -has tonsilitis on my birthday ,0,tonsilitis birthday -@jeffkang greeeeat but now i ate all my hard work away ,0,jeffkang greeeeat ate hard work away -@EllenDeG ellen......... Do my messages not get to you....... if you didn't notice i'm sad. I try so hard to communicate wif u,0,ellendeg ellen message get notice sad try hard communicate wif u -"Observe & Report was premiering at the Chinese Theater I was driving by slowly but only saw the reporters & red carpet, no stars ",0,observe amp report premiering chinese theater driving slowly saw reporter amp red carpet star -Tried with smsjunction.com.. but got ODBC Driver errors. ,0,tried smsjunction com got odbc driver error -@Ch0en huh?? Like what?? I didnt know? ,0,ch0en huh like didnt know -"I had plans today, and now I'm scared of you know, moving, for fear of teh boke fml.",0,plan today scared know moving fear teh boke fml -Just heard Eminem's new single. It's official. He fell off. : Just heard Eminem's new single. It's official. He fell off. ,0,heard eminem new single official fell heard eminem new single official fell -A bit under the weather the last coupla days -- workouts have been low in energy. ,0,bit weather last coupla day workout low energy -It's a nice day for once and Chibi and I are stuck at home waiting for a parcel ,0,nice day chibi stuck home waiting parcel -@OfficialRandL where's the update? or have i missed something ,0,officialrandl update missed something -@ellisonrox awwww but she will be on tomorrow @ 4. i will still watch her show even though you guys persecute me. are you far away? ,0,ellisonrox awwww tomorrow still watch show even though guy persecute far away -its the holidays and i still bloody insist on waking up at school times ,0,holiday still bloody insist waking school time -"Finger hurts, can't sleep even after my vicoden & alcohol combo... ",0,finger hurt sleep even vicoden amp alcohol combo -"i fell tired, i want to sleep, but im almost done with some work, and i need to go to the bathroom ",0,fell tired want sleep im almost done work need go bathroom -is missing her roo and totally ready to be over this stupid sickness....arghhh ,0,missing roo totally ready stupid sickness arghhh -@icedcoffee they end up back as read only ... and still the error persists. I cant add anything to the library now so cant update my ...,0,icedcoffee end back read still error persists cant add anything library cant update -@DelicatelyReal I feel your pain,0,delicatelyreal feel pain -I NEED to post a video!!!! But I'm stuck...,0,need post video stuck -@nixpineda I miss youuu. ,0,nixpineda miss youuu -penalty scored at Tynecastle. Still got beat though! ,0,penalty scored tynecastle still got beat though -"@duncn Revision, again. Oh, and morning @itscammy!",0,duncn revision oh morning itscammy -Nobody likes Leatherhead. ,0,nobody like leatherhead -okay bbs <3 does anyone know where i can get info on how night clubs in L.A. cost? i wanna rent one out next year please I'll invite yall,0,okay bb lt anyone know get info night club l cost wan na rent one next year please invite yall -has got combined ear and toothache and wants to rip her face off. *stamps foot*,0,got combined ear toothache want rip face stamp foot -"@laratron alas, I have no Pimms ",0,laratron ala pimms -"I don't think I like the Saw ride at Thorpe Park. The tv ad makes me feel sick, so goodness knows what the ride would do. ",0,think like saw ride thorpe park tv ad make feel sick goodness know ride would -just joined twitter and doesnt know anyone yet... ,0,joined twitter doesnt know anyone yet -"pfff, rearanging database ",0,pfff rearanging database -is wishing he loved me ,0,wishing loved -@heidimontag The Hills episodes were so sad PS. LOVE your name,0,heidimontag hill episode sad p love name -Watching DJ Emir battle his computer for supreme ruler of the studio. I think the computer is winning ,0,watching dj emir battle computer supreme ruler studio think computer winning -"Flight of the Conchords" suddenly disappeared from Spotify ,0,quot flight conchords quot suddenly disappeared spotify -Kids up at the crack of dawn... I'm still full of cold. Bleh Starting work... #stuckrecord,0,kid crack dawn still full cold bleh starting work stuckrecord -Naar Haddow. Racket mee! Wahey ,0,naar haddow racket mee wahey -@breonna why not saturday??,0,breonna saturday -"For some reason I can't explain, I know St Peter won't call my name ",0,reason explain know st peter call name -@marleyuk I think you spoke too soon - big black rain cloud charging towards town now ,0,marleyuk think spoke soon big black rain cloud charging towards town -and i didnt end up seeing it bumma...some ppl are being a pain,0,didnt end seeing bumma ppl pain -is with the flu... ,0,flu -isnt there any way we could update twitter through our cellphones ,0,isnt way could update twitter cellphone -"@vindiekins Aww, you're leaving me? Just was hoping for input -- I have avatars in the RP thread on MTP. Torn on personality...",0,vindiekins aww leaving hoping input avatar rp thread mtp torn personality -@krist0ph3r thats damn sad hope things will be fine after gud lunch...,0,krist0ph r thats damn sad hope thing fine gud lunch -"@sinktoswim, hopefully it will be!!",0,sinktoswim hopefully -"just enabled ActiveSync on my Google Apps account, I can now sync my contacts and calendars over the net, but no mail as of yet ",0,enabled activesync google apps account sync contact calendar net mail yet -in LOveeee <3 and it hurts ,0,loveeee lt hurt -I hate being away from her... I cant sleep alone anymore ,0,hate away cant sleep alone anymore -Depressed. Our new app's Alpha 0.0.10 is now even more complex than our last app's version 9.5. I long for those small dev teams days. ,0,depressed new app alpha 0 0 0 even complex last app version 9 long small dev team day -Currently watching "Roommates". I miss the NYC!!! ,0,currently watching quot roommate quot miss nyc -needs a hug ,0,need hug -Back at the office - still only 3 days until another long weekend... ,0,back office still day another long weekend -@MsTyraC lol yea I thought about tht ..sowey but thnx I have some rod ones sitting around" orange my fav color just didn't kno how 2 use,0,mstyrac lol yea thought tht sowey thnx rod one sitting around quot orange fav color kno use -Feeling blue...And almost everybody says that my jokes are bad. ,0,feeling blue almost everybody say joke bad -"waiting, waiting, waiting for a phone call that may mean I can actually sleep at night......but then again ",0,waiting waiting waiting phone call may mean actually sleep night -hate being here ,0,hate -"@therealswizzz i guess graphic art didn't make the cut, huh? ",0,therealswizzz guess graphic art make cut huh -may hold off on hawk. Getting a job first might be a better idea... But i want it. ,0,may hold hawk getting job first might better idea want -"@jvmediadesign I have pic of bucket kitty!! but, I'll probably post it tomorrow now. means having to find cables and connections... ",0,jvmediadesign pic bucket kitty probably post tomorrow mean find cable connection -"http://twitpic.com/2y65i - Snow, the guy I'm seeing car at work...lmao...he gonna kill me ",0,http twitpic com snow guy seeing car work lmao gon na kill -"@BonnieBix controlling own life not possible uni after graduation, when i start masters. boohoo",0,bonniebix controlling life possible uni graduation start master boohoo -having a major head ache!!!! this sucks men! arrrrrrrg!,0,major head ache suck men arrrrrrrg -@mileycyrus http://twitpic.com/2xszg - Napping? At this point you may need a few of those. GMA is gonna come early. ,0,mileycyrus http twitpic com xszg napping point may need gma gon na come early -yes it is and i got ripped off do not shop at WOW. !!!,0,yes got ripped shop wow -"Slept badly. Still feel like hell, but maybe not as bad as yesterday. Why am I /always/ ill when I take time off work? ",0,slept badly still feel like hell maybe bad yesterday always ill take time work -"At work, and a little sick ",0,work little sick -"its already 1 in the a.m. I need to sleep, especially since I have to be at school for 12 hours ",0,already need sleep especially since school hour -Beeeaaach. ,0,beeeaaach -What a bad day! Need comfort drink - sipping on a mocha frap here at Starbucks with Tricia. So tired ,0,bad day need comfort drink sipping mocha frap starbucks tricia tired -"What a day! So busy, my head hurts from thinking too much! Annnd tomorrow will be the same. Woe is me ",0,day busy head hurt thinking much annnd tomorrow woe -Has just realised he works with a bunch of racists. ,0,realised work bunch racist -"@gerrycoe Hi Gerry, I'm in Dublin most of the time; college ",0,gerrycoe hi gerry dublin time college -Tweet4Today: "Have a limbo party while you are still supple enough to get under that bar" .... Still??? ,0,tweet today quot limbo party still supple enough get bar quot still -@yayfuckbuddies what? I would! And me horny too ,0,yayfuckbuddies would horny -im hungryyyy need more sushi,0,im hungryyyy need sushi -I really wish I had not bought the camera-less E62 that day when my 6680 went dead. I miss photographing little things. dSLR is too bulky ,0,really wish bought camera le e day 0 went dead miss photographing little thing dslr bulky -@arhh_ I think I�ll end up going alone But I will see it at some point...,0,arhh think end going alone see point -"@skoop but those cause RSI too RSI guides always tell to use two hands for shortcuts... Ah well, I wish you luck. Keep me posted please.",0,skoop cause rsi rsi guide always tell use two hand shortcut ah well wish luck keep posted please -@marcfennell I should be in that photo ,0,marcfennell photo -"@alenakristina Oooooh I love it!! Sorry I can't help if you can't find it, I probably wont be able to find it because, well, you know...",0,alenakristina oooooh love sorry help find probably wont able find well know -"sucked in heather, sewage bath xP and poor owen in the bear (total drama island)",0,sucked heather sewage bath xp poor owen bear total drama island -Borning - thats me with a cold virus - all bunged up and eyes all squinty...bah ,0,borning thats cold virus bunged eye squinty bah -The one day i really need to go into school and i'm not well ,0,one day really need go school well -is no longer on google ,0,longer google -@BritSystem She stopped eating and is just sleeping all day. Im worried about my precious little bean.,0,britsystem stopped eating sleeping day im worried precious little bean -finished making chocolates and feet really hurt... ,0,finished making chocolate foot really hurt -Gawd! My laptop is fucked up now! System Error?! Just using my Lil brother's laptop. ,0,gawd laptop fucked system error using lil brother laptop -Freshly Squeezed lied. They only showed the video in the end! ,0,freshly squeezed lied showed video end -"OK so I stayed up, but didn't watch heroes Did admin stuff and WP stuff, learned some new WP stuff and finally happy with the layout",0,ok stayed watch hero admin stuff wp stuff learned new wp stuff finally happy layout -I loved Mari Trini�s songs when I was a child... ,0,loved mari trini song child -Devastated that the Spiegeltent won't be coming to Edinburgh Festival this year http://tinyurl.com/djh4pr ,0,devastated spiegeltent coming edinburgh festival year http tinyurl com djh pr -I'm sorry. I've ruined everything between us. forgive me? ,0,sorry ruined everything u forgive -I think I should not use twitter as I offend people unintentionally ,0,think use twitter offend people unintentionally -Mitea is missing http://apps.facebook.com/catbook/profile/view/6040269,0,mitea missing http apps facebook com catbook profile view 0 0 9 -"3 days leave then Easter, no work for a week, Except for the long list of DIY jobs to do at home, ",0,day leave easter work week except long list diy job home -Heading to bed! Have to be at work in 6 hours ,0,heading bed work hour -Gnite twitter world..long day tomorrow. Night class till 10pm ,0,gnite twitter world long day tomorrow night class till 0pm -"is going to priceline (city) tomorrow, but lost her 'must haves' list ",0,going priceline city tomorrow lost must have list -i miss my kitty cats ,0,miss kitty cat -"is off to the dentist, then the midwife for blood tests..whoop de frikking do ",0,dentist midwife blood test whoop de frikking -Missing @vemsteroo Unwell still so having phoned the office am going back to bed. It seems empty this morning. *sigh*,0,missing vemsteroo unwell still phoned office going back bed seems empty morning sigh -@lizp02x oh man that sucks! I'm hoping to go to school HAPPY tomorrow or else it won't be good ahhh,0,lizp0 x oh man suck hoping go school happy tomorrow else good ahhh -cant be bothered gwtting dressed x,0,cant bothered gwtting dressed x -is tired of flowchart Kens ,0,tired flowchart ken -"@stompthewalrus Haha, well i have lived in texas the past 12 years, i think that explains itself. Lol. Si habla espaool. ",0,stompthewalrus haha well lived texas past year think explains lol si habla espaool -Completely addicted to my iPhone. It's like a bad habit. ,0,completely addicted iphone like bad habit -wanting some sunshine so we can lay in the pool ,0,wanting sunshine lay pool -still up trying to finish a mix ,0,still trying finish mix -fucken a man lol. tiring night at work. hope to get this job! for got bout the hills dang nabbit lol.. ,0,fucken man lol tiring night work hope get job got bout hill dang nabbit lol -This sickness is making it impossible for me 2 sleep!! That and how hot I am ,0,sickness making impossible sleep hot -@cyantist You're so lucky! I wish I did. ,0,cyantist lucky wish -@Twxtd4Jordan I wish I could. I HAVE to keep my door open for other people that may need me. ,0,twxtd jordan wish could keep door open people may need -"@saamx thanks, you too<3",0,saamx thanks lt -@abacab1975 still sore comes put tomorrow though!,0,abacab 9 still sore come put tomorrow though -shutting off twitter ,0,shutting twitter -Friendfeed beta doesn't appear to like my Twitter account http://ff.im/-1Y0Zm,0,friendfeed beta appear like twitter account http ff im y0zm -Hmm.. The work is not easy. Wasted two hours for a silly mistake. Now one system is too slow ,0,hmm work easy wasted two hour silly mistake one system slow -"@mileycyrus where did you find that quote... no, don�t answer, better sleep! xoxo from Germany (where it�s already morning )",0,mileycyrus find quote answer better sleep xoxo germany already morning -you know a Monday's really bad when it spills over to tuesday. ,0,know monday really bad spill tuesday -can't sleep. And wondering why my following keeps going down? Guess I gotta try and be more interesting! Haha.,0,sleep wondering following keep going guess got ta try interesting haha -boycotting work: on facebook's fashion war. ,0,boycotting work facebook fashion war -"faces a mammoth task for the rest of the day, so many things to do, so little time ",0,face mammoth task rest day many thing little time -is so 'jeles' argh. sy pn mau jln sm kau jg. *sadddddddddddddish,0,jeles argh sy pn mau jln sm kau jg sadddddddddddddish -Annoying place. 4pm and half the hawker's closed. I want otah! ,0,annoying place pm half hawker closed want otah -"mm, twitter appears to have eaten some of my posts. naughty twitter ",0,mm twitter appears eaten post naughty twitter -At University of Hawaii's Hamilton Library. Doing HW drinking orange soda ,0,university hawaii hamilton library hw drinking orange soda -Masha is alone and sad http://apps.facebook.com/catbook/profile/view/5408301,0,masha alone sad http apps facebook com catbook profile view 0 0 -"To the people who called out to me on the red carpet, I was blinded by the lights! ",0,people called red carpet blinded light -@moony394 omg i can't believe this. i want to cry. freaking fb spoiled me!!! how could this happen?? ,0,moony 9 omg believe want cry freaking fb spoiled could happen -Watching @David_Tennant. Interesting set/filming updates. I wish I was in Cardiff. ,0,watching david tennant interesting set filming update wish cardiff -"Struggling regarding the fact that dance is 5 days away!! On the other side, Vacation!!!!",0,struggling regarding fact dance day away side vacation -Ummm so I have to wait until 6am for the video ,0,ummm wait video -"ow ow ow, tummy ache, too much candy. i never learn ",0,ow ow ow tummy ache much candy never learn -"Anyone else having trouble accessing their @ replies? When I click on the link on the right, nothing happens. I can't access them ",0,anyone else trouble accessing reply click link right nothing happens access -Feel yucky sick this morning ,0,feel yucky sick morning -"@catdevnull nah, same one, rang up to see what progress was, someone else has offered but been rejected, they reckon 117-118+ to get it ",0,catdevnull nah one rang see progress someone else offered rejected reckon get -is feeling terribly sick right now! ,0,feeling terribly sick right -ugh! i wake up and ff goes to sleep guess i should just do more revision,0,ugh wake ff go sleep guess revision -"i wanna see twilight again. love it, but i don't have the dvd. oh well... guess i surive.",0,wan na see twilight love dvd oh well guess surive -"r.i.p baby girl sandra cantu.....my prayers r with the cantu family, be strong! ",0,r p baby girl sandra cantu prayer r cantu family strong -i'd like to know why I never sleep. ,0,like know never sleep -"@kremsersenf Away from Tubingen and the Germs, yes, away from friends, not so much ",0,kremsersenf away tubingen germ yes away friend much -"completing reports and meetings this morning. Interviewing people this afternoon, busy bee today blurrgghh ",0,completing report meeting morning interviewing people afternoon busy bee today blurrgghh -?????? ? ?? ???? ???????? ???? ???? ??????????? ?????? ??? ????? - There was a problem with your picture ,0,problem picture -"@TXBrad I need Coffee, lol, I saw you tweet this on McInTEC Net lol it comes up before Mibbit, Mibbit is so slow on Twitter, it sucks ",0,txbrad need coffee lol saw tweet mcintec net lol come mibbit mibbit slow twitter suck -Well everyone. after a super adventurous 2 days Luke has gone home Let us all morn the loss of a hero. Im off to continue playing Sims 2.,0,well everyone super adventurous day luke gone home let u morn loss hero im continue playing sims -i really want a puppy ,0,really want puppy -""Blip.fm is undergoing maintenance." sorry, no music tweets for now. I'm shaking already ",0,quot blip fm undergoing maintenance quot sorry music tweet shaking already -"@jonnyisgeek I cant watch, it sucks ",0,jonnyisgeek cant watch suck -"@amsterdamant unfortunately, I didn't dream about shoes ",0,amsterdamant unfortunately dream shoe -No TravoRadio this morning. BlipFM is down. http://bit.ly/ch6Xr,0,travoradio morning blipfm http bit ly ch xr -@ohonefourthree this is me word for word. my stomach is all fucked up. sucks ,0,ohonefourthree word word stomach fucked suck -hey @DJTracyYoung why aren't you playing at GayDays this year? every year i know Tracy's night will be the best night.,0,hey djtracyyoung playing gaydays year every year know tracy night best night -money isnt suppose to depress you ,0,money isnt suppose depress -@x0mrsjoejonas im okay.. Im just really really missing my best friend ,0,x0mrsjoejonas im okay im really really missing best friend -"@breezyskies I did the PET course last time I was in SF. OK on theory (which I knew), not so good on tools (what I was after) ",0,breezyskies pet course last time sf ok theory knew good tool -@barryearnshaw @pezholio My Achilles heel for spending is X DVD's for �20 in HMV ,0,barryearnshaw pezholio achilles heel spending x dvd 0 hmv -AppleTV has died dreading diagnosis,0,appletv died dreading diagnosis -is not looking forward to class and work tomorrow. ,0,looking forward class work tomorrow -A day negotiating wth insurers after spilling beer on my laptop last night. Probably to no avail. ,0,day negotiating wth insurer spilling beer laptop last night probably avail -nobody is talking to me ,0,nobody talking -Just woke up ,0,woke -BKK has protest maybe Ho Chi Minn City?!,0,bkk protest maybe ho chi minn city -i'm hella breaking out ,0,hella breaking -is probably sick. FFS. ,0,probably sick ffs -is poorly sick ,0,poorly sick -"@corienb Kutner's gone?? Really have to see the new episodes, urgently! But they aren't available on DVD yet. ",0,corienb kutner gone really see new episode urgently available dvd yet -"goodnight nobody, since i have no followers nobody can see me say this ",0,goodnight nobody since follower nobody see say -Darn! Forgot that tonight's shoot was postponed. Will be at a loose end now!" ,0,darn forgot tonight shoot postponed loose end quot -Amazon mp3 downloads down to 29p So much for my 10% Cheers @jodiedoubleday http://tinyurl.com/dg5qtg,0,amazon mp downloads 9p much 0 cheer jodiedoubleday http tinyurl com dg qtg -@LadyLDN I hope you feel better soon Being ill is no fun at all.,0,ladyldn hope feel better soon ill fun -is finally home after a shitty day at work doing floorset...... ,0,finally home shitty day work floorset -maybe an insomniac.. or just nocturnal ,0,maybe insomniac nocturnal -@eliteforce - I have been told by friends that constantly circle the globe that the flight from the UK to downunder is the worst ever! ,0,eliteforce told friend constantly circle globe flight uk downunder worst ever -"In a queue for a ticket at Phantasialand. Looks busy, school holidays ftl. Silver Mine and Winjas Fear are closed too ",0,queue ticket phantasialand look busy school holiday ftl silver mine winjas fear closed -"@cherrytreerec oh man, i can't see the vid. its ot available in my country.",0,cherrytreerec oh man see vid ot available country -Tryin to take a nap. I can't sleep!! ,0,tryin take nap sleep -@bivancamp Did you update iTunes to the new version b4 you lost it? New software update killed my ipod. ,0,bivancamp update itunes new version b lost new software update killed ipod -wondering where the sunshine went ,0,wondering sunshine went -just got up and nappy very wet and split at the back going for a nice baby bath and then back in nappies i go,0,got nappy wet split back going nice baby bath back nappy go -@honeymunchkin My anger is getting bigger for every minute that goes by. I got some uglycomments on one of my videos. ,0,honeymunchkin anger getting bigger every minute go got uglycomments one video -Today is the day the government kills us all ,0,today day government kill u -haven't talk with aaliyah love in a few miss her some. wife says to thank her for the mags she sent us ;),0,talk aaliyah love miss wife say thank mag sent u -@newkidsfan awwwww ur gunna make me cry! i miss him so much! he has blessed me w/ so much love and memories...,0,newkidsfan awwwww ur gunna make cry miss much blessed w much love memory -"@dottedwithearts lol, i still gotta work. always do ",0,dottedwithearts lol still got ta work always -finished everything she needs to do at work tonight. Ugh...three hours of nothing coming up... ,0,finished everything need work tonight ugh three hour nothing coming -I wish this was easier. Or that you got the hint. booooo ,0,wish easier got hint booooo -Good morning! Can't believe this is my last week in London But I will be back in the Marketingworld of London for sure!,0,good morning believe last week london back marketingworld london sure -im boring i really dont understand how to use this ,0,im boring really dont understand use -@cathrynscott thank you - nor me ,0,cathrynscott thank -has nothing to contribute to a discussion of Angels and Airwaves vs Blink 182 ,0,nothing contribute discussion angel airwave v blink -doesn't want him to go ,0,want go -Just remembered that I've forgotten my best friends birthday ,0,remembered forgotten best friend birthday -"Awww, Ellie sounds so sick, poor thing ",0,awww ellie sound sick poor thing -"Baby, I miss you so much. ",0,baby miss much -Writing an article (video converters in test). It'll take a long time ,0,writing article video converter test take long time -@pietrofelix good luck enduring the tiring journey! ,0,pietrofelix good luck enduring tiring journey -About to start the epic drive from Glasgow to Alton Towers. Looks like a rainy few days ,0,start epic drive glasgow alton tower look like rainy day -at work and tired. doing reports... fun! no not really ,0,work tired report fun really -Maya is being spayed today.I'm very nervous about it ,0,maya spayed today nervous -"thats it!, im folding and getting tweetie for my iphone - #twitteriffic is taking toooo long to update!. i need grouping & replies.",0,thats im folding getting tweetie iphone twitteriffic taking toooo long update need grouping amp reply -is tired ,0,tired -@storycorey But... Its a mac ,0,storycorey mac -is going to be a long week! Funeral and work tomorrow! ***143 JAC***,0,going long week funeral work tomorrow jac -Gonna be a great day: 4 of the 6 members of our team are off ,0,gon na great day member team -Woke up and feel like Rubbish Rest? Or Chill indoors and play Xbox with a cold drink?,0,woke feel like rubbish rest chill indoors play xbox cold drink -@rach2718 oh no that sucks mike has to work saturday and monday... andrews got from friday till wednesday off the bugger lol,0,rach oh suck mike work saturday monday andrew got friday till wednesday bugger lol -"I'm over it, but accutely aware that only Bob will ever know that ",0,accutely aware bob ever know -"wake up in Paris, but it's grey .. need more sun !!",0,wake paris grey need sun -@peachFUZZ_uk Ah but that's OK you see as it is "to stop da terrorists" and anything that claims to be for that is acceptable. ,0,peachfuzz uk ah ok see quot stop da terrorist quot anything claim acceptable -i'm trying to fine friends on twitter...no luck so far ,0,trying fine friend twitter luck far -My xbox as finally given up the fight ,0,xbox finally given fight -working on my senior paper ,0,working senior paper -ohhh i hate civicsss ,0,ohhh hate civics -havent update this in a while bin stuck with my gf during the week. non im bk in class learnin ,0,havent update bin stuck gf week non im bk class learnin -Argh. Driving into London today. Made a wrong turn at Kings-X - stuck in an extra 30 minutes of logjam traffic ,0,argh driving london today made wrong turn king x stuck extra 0 minute logjam traffic -"Nothing beats the cold, damp feeling you get when pulling on a wet pair of knicks ",0,nothing beat cold damp feeling get pulling wet pair knicks -yay no work todayyy but working for the rest of the week lol,0,yay work todayyy working rest week lol -dancing with myself.... I'm not Emo!!! Want to write a song.... ,0,dancing emo want write song -I'm ill....i don't like that ,0,ill like -the last season of the hills what will one do with oneself when it ends?,0,last season hill one oneself end -havent update this in a while bin stuck with my gf during the week. now im bk in class learnin ,0,havent update bin stuck gf week im bk class learnin -@ellelovexx haaaaa i want mac & cheese toooooo!!! hahahaha hey..i still got the one u left here...i guess im making that today Oo lol,0,ellelovexx haaaaa want mac amp cheese toooooo hahahaha hey still got one u left guess im making today oo lol -Ugh. Back to 40 dollar fill ups at the pump ,0,ugh back 0 dollar fill ups pump -"@helenvking I feel for you, commuting on packed trains is hideous ",0,helenvking feel commuting packed train hideous -@triner Too bad you couldn't wait another month or so for me to sell mine. ,0,triner bad wait another month sell mine -I miss The Glass House but thankfully pretty much every moment of it has been uploaded onto youtube.,0,miss glass house thankfully pretty much every moment uploaded onto youtube -the future is no more as it used to be ,0,future used -loves her iPhone but hates the fact tjat she needs to charge it often ,0,love iphone hate fact tjat need charge often -Plug on train once again doesnt work ,0,plug train doesnt work -@theresev solen var inge varm ,0,theresev solen var inge varm -waiting for my Cisco IP phone to load ,0,waiting cisco ip phone load -LISTEN TO JONAS BROTHERS i love this band but i come from germany and i can�t see them ,0,listen jonas brother love band come germany see -@bradhfh Hello! you stoped talking to me lol,0,bradhfh hello stoped talking lol -is even more irritated to find that the patch doesn't even get released properly until tmrw.. whats the point of letting you do it now?! ,0,even irritated find patch even get released properly tmrw whats point letting -@jess22t they have diff camps. gahh they're all rural though. woga woga and bathurst but they're the best 4 advertising ,0,jess diff camp gahh rural though woga woga bathurst best advertising -"Tried to install a Twitter-application on my phone. Didn't work tough, boo! ",0,tried install twitter application phone work tough boo -"@NYBabe Oh balls, I forgot all about your article in the mail yesterday! Have you got a link to it or an electronic copy?",0,nybabe oh ball forgot article mail yesterday got link electronic copy -"Doing some architectural modeling for a change now, going smooth so far. Intuos 4 M is looking very tempting... can't get one yet ",0,architectural modeling change going smooth far intuos looking tempting get one yet -"you PROMISED not to leave me, right?? i hope you wouldn't break that promise. ",0,promised leave right hope break promise -flu shot.. ouch ,0,flu shot ouch -I am scheduled to be very productive on a few hrs and I still can not sleep. Insomia has gotten to me..,0,scheduled productive hr still sleep insomia gotten -"Stephen just left, i miss him sooo much....",0,stephen left miss sooo much -i'm gonna lay down and count my breaths until i fall asleep....WOOO lol....it's cuddle day today...I NEED SOMEONE TO CUDDLE WITH ,0,gon na lay count breath fall asleep wooo lol cuddle day today need someone cuddle -"its 3:24pm here, and i dont wanna go to chemistry course.. i dont wanna meet jordi! thats the main reason.. ",0,pm dont wan na go chemistry course dont wan na meet jordi thats main reason -LEAH! You not going then? ,0,leah going -@zinziii dammit! when ya heading home? we didn't get messy drunk together at any point! ,0,zinziii dammit ya heading home get messy drunk together point -"Tonight's Gyratory System show at the vibe bar will be electronic, due to drummer illness. ",0,tonight gyratory system show vibe bar electronic due drummer illness -Wow! NW001/002 are now operated with A330! We can get AC power! cool...! But ticket price is hyper crazy expensive ,0,wow nw00 00 operated 0 get ac power cool ticket price hyper crazy expensive -SO COLD ,0,cold -"76 in a few minutes, then going to bed. Since Eric hates me and wont run around with me ",0,minute going bed since eric hate wont run around -its day one of my ivf injections so let the fun begin ,0,day one ivf injection let fun begin -"@StephenDon24 I just cant commit the time though, my play time isnt the same as everyone elses ",0,stephendon cant commit time though play time isnt everyone el -@MichellePen immensely!! Started playing with new sites as I didn't want to mess up Easter one - paranoid moi? ,0,michellepen immensely started playing new site want mess easter one paranoid moi -Let's hope the sore throat clears up before the break and is not a pre-cursor to illness over the holidays ,0,let hope sore throat clear break pre cursor illness holiday -Has a bit of a scratchy throat I hope it goes away before thursday and my weekend of fun!,0,bit scratchy throat hope go away thursday weekend fun -ugh hate haviinq dis sleepiinq problemsz ,0,ugh hate haviinq dis sleepiinq problemsz -Wanted to tweet that I was in Victoria! But silly Canadian service wouldn't work. Home now and sad vacation is over. ,0,wanted tweet victoria silly canadian service work home sad vacation -There's more security here than at Sydney Airport. And no spirits at the bar! #startrek,0,security sydney airport spirit bar startrek -@adamcurry is it possible to add another stream option that uses the regular 8080/80 port? I can't stream noagenda because of fw/proxy ,0,adamcurry possible add another stream option us regular 0 0 0 port stream noagenda fw proxy -@gfalcone601 nawww fly me to London? Australia is boring ,0,gfalcone 0 nawww fly london australia boring -@addersop I have a habbit of misspelling bought. ,0,addersop habbit misspelling bought -Just got back from picking up my parents...goodbye house to myself ,0,got back picking parent goodbye house -I understand nothing from this Twitter ,0,understand nothing twitter -*yawn* Morning all. I had a real rough night. ,0,yawn morning real rough night -@trib Agreed. ,0,trib agreed -"The sun is shining, gotta get to work ",0,sun shining got ta get work -@moony394 i think i will be even more in denial after i watch ,0,moony 9 think even denial watch -turns out there had been #earthquake warnings in Italy and they were ignored: http://bit.ly/4dVYg3 ,0,turn earthquake warning italy ignored http bit ly dvyg -@_Cube_ creepin me out dude. May have to cancel my trip to sydney now..... LOL,0,cube creepin dude may cancel trip sydney lol -going to work now ,0,going work -It's snowing again ,0,snowing -im bored and my fingers hurt from playing the guitar all day ,0,im bored finger hurt playing guitar day -@sevenmac You should set up a video channel for your podcast on Miro. Just checked and you're not listed there. ,0,sevenmac set video channel podcast miro checked listed -"will have a meeting in an hour to explain "which version of oAW we use". What to say? None? atm, it's just a heap of unbundled EMF tools ",0,meeting hour explain quot version oaw use quot say none atm heap unbundled emf tool -I miss my room in Pasig.. I have no place right now to take SP's ,0,miss room pasig place right take sp -"Carter Co, Kentucky has estblshd thier first public library and are in need of a director!! Thier entire budget is only $54,000/year ",0,carter co kentucky estblshd thier first public library need director thier entire budget 000 year -In this day and age doctors shouldn't take this long with results ,0,day age doctor take long result -Train late again!! ... I'm gonna have to walk the hall of shame ,0,train late gon na walk hall shame -@mae_fitch You keep deleting my number ,0,mae fitch keep deleting number -@jess22t haha i know eh. but i'm thinking about vet science at sydney uni. cept that the guy wasn't there last night. he was in hostpital ,0,jess haha know eh thinking vet science sydney uni cept guy last night hostpital -I miss them in Adelaide. I wish I was there too... The beach looks beautiful.,0,miss adelaide wish beach look beautiful -umm yeah. homework. ,0,umm yeah homework -Well I'm going to bed early...I wish I could sleep in tomorrow ,0,well going bed early wish could sleep tomorrow -"Morning tweetpeeps, I didn't get to bed until 3am yesterday. Was on MSN to Alex until 2 and then wanted to play Dead Space before bed ",0,morning tweetpeeps get bed yesterday msn alex wanted play dead space bed -good morning! i'm off to the hospital with my dad to spend basically all day in the waiting room just for a two minute app fun fun fun! ,0,good morning hospital dad spend basically day waiting room two minute app fun fun fun -Can't sleep and brother is at home with girlfriend and baby so i can't sleep in his room any more ,0,sleep brother home girlfriend baby sleep room -firefox e lanati ! hey crash hey crash! ,0,firefox e lanati hey crash hey crash -wants a polaroid camera. ,0,want polaroid camera -off to the hospital :S some jaw breaking is about to happen! ,0,hospital jaw breaking happen -I wish my iPhone would let me do the @ thing it would be SO much easier,0,wish iphone would let thing would much easier -"Tried to install a Twitter-application on my phone. Didn't work though, boo! ",0,tried install twitter application phone work though boo -"I don't want to study, i want to go shopping instead!! ",0,want study want go shopping instead -"I saw a girl on the Blog thumbnails, went in, and she was WAYYYY CP... I feel dirty. I need a shower.",0,saw girl blog thumbnail went wayyyy cp feel dirty need shower -Ahhh!! The Drafthouse had a surprise world premiere screening of the new Star Trek last night! And I was at Torchys! ,0,ahhh drafthouse surprise world premiere screening new star trek last night torchys -@andygosling ouch zoom:1 and the clearfix method are your friends.,0,andygosling ouch zoom clearfix method friend -Is just loving the fact that it is 3:30 in the a.m. and my lil daughter will not go back to sleep!!! ,0,loving fact 0 lil daughter go back sleep -nasty scraping noises from the back of my car ... ,0,nasty scraping noise back car -#php gives me a segfault with a preg_split ,0,php give segfault preg split -"its not how you are alike. its how you are diferent" I just cried in that montage flashback in HP5 makes me cry every time.,0,quot alike diferent quot cried montage flashback hp make cry every time -in my bed trying helplessly to breathe out of my nose without coming across the itchy need to sneeze allergies suck many things.,0,bed trying helplessly breathe nose without coming across itchy need sneeze allergy suck many thing -the sun sets way too early ,0,sun set way early -"Hello Tuesday, hope your better than I think. Won't tweet for a few hours later ",0,hello tuesday hope better think tweet hour later -@mileycyrus http://twitpic.com/2y606 - I want a Sofie! She's helllza cute.,0,mileycyrus http twitpic com 0 want sofie helllza cute -"@chewbeka yeah it is brutal at least it's not until June lmao. But I'm excited, then we have to get onto another plane to Canada LOL",0,chewbeka yeah brutal least june lmao excited get onto another plane canada lol -...but first the other workathlon: 3 sets of management accounts one after the other. ,0,first workathlon set management account one -"@DHughesy Thats when i have my birthday, but we already have plans ",0,dhughesy thats birthday already plan -"@msdivineknight see thats why I never go to bed early, cause if u sleep u miss things!! I slept I missed Joe!!!!!!!! Unhappy And!! ",0,msdivineknight see thats never go bed early cause u sleep u miss thing slept missed joe unhappy -I'm struggling to type this morning...maybe I'm still suffering from day-glo overload from Friday's 80's Fest ,0,struggling type morning maybe still suffering day glo overload friday 0 fest -in which episode did house and cuddy hook up?? APO MEETINGS THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT ,0,episode house cuddy hook apo meeting fault -Waiting for my love to get home... and getting sad that there won't be hot cross buns after next week! ,0,waiting love get home getting sad hot cross bun next week -@leelowe aww thanks hun! but am just picking this up now! I was in scotland until yesterday evening how'd it go?,0,leelowe aww thanks hun picking scotland yesterday evening go -is about to kill off one of her favourite characters. Dawww ,0,kill one favourite character dawww -Site load rising again. Increased my capacity but it's going up still ,0,site load rising increased capacity going still -@gabrielmansour multiple books at a time. although i have a bad habit of not finishing books ,0,gabrielmansour multiple book time although bad habit finishing book -@ClaireRichard6 All of em??? ,0,clairerichard em -@duncn They won't. ,0,duncn -I'm not happy. I woke up at 5.30am this morning and didn't get to sleep again till 6.45am ,0,happy woke 0am morning get sleep till -"Coffee & Carrot Cake Slices... Mmm, still lost for ideas for art help!",0,coffee amp carrot cake slice mmm still lost idea art help -@BipLing are you coming to aus?!?!? or is cobi going to you jealous!!! lol misser you,0,bipling coming au cobi going jealous lol misser -Ugh. In sound class now. Out of here at 8. KILL ME. Won't get home until 10ish. ,0,ugh sound class kill get home 0ish -"wants to use the 8-directional dance pad, pero di compatible sa TV yung game. http://plurk.com/p/n0hyu",0,want use directional dance pad pero di compatible sa tv yung game http plurk com p n0hyu -@jason_2008 Hello! Im out of coffee this morning..that's what i get for winding you up yesterday!!! Lol Have a good day!,0,jason 00 hello im coffee morning get winding yesterday lol good day -wants to play resident evil but school and work getting in the way ,0,want play resident evil school work getting way -@deepbluesealove Im still here .. reading an article on a different site.Seems a little dull on twitter tonight with no music ,0,deepbluesealove im still reading article different site seems little dull twitter tonight music -@ExMi I hope he comes back.,0,exmi hope come back -The Company I work for shuts down on Thursday... Joblessville here I come...,0,company work shuts thursday joblessville come -"is trying to look to the big picture, but boy its hard to some days ",0,trying look big picture boy hard day -"seriously, I should not be this tired. I need deep sleep, not this pissy tossing and turning moan moan moan!",0,seriously tired need deep sleep pissy tossing turning moan moan moan -"flat out today didnt get everythin done & endured massive headache, fever and nausea. still have to finish my essay & work tomory all day ",0,flat today didnt get everythin done amp endured massive headache fever nausea still finish essay amp work tomory day -Feeling ill again today ,0,feeling ill today -@SinaB77 I think we all do ,0,sinab think -I hate money... ,0,hate money -@nick_thompson nick I'd love to blame my oven I may have to blame the fact that I'd had a shed load of wine and was watching Top Gear! ,0,nick thompson nick love blame oven may blame fact shed load wine watching top gear -@JLSOfficial a photoshoot eyy'...im sure you will all look HOT ! come back to Brighton !! say hellooo to the boys...love you LOADS xxxxxx,0,jlsofficial photoshoot eyy im sure look hot come back brighton say hellooo boy love load xxxxxx -off to the dentist ,0,dentist -"Aww man, yet another party last night,..I miss new jersey!! so anyone up to anything today?!?",0,aww man yet another party last night miss new jersey anyone anything today -@meganxnightmare I think so too I always get it.,0,meganxnightmare think always get -My girl @tjlefebvre is missing! Anyone seen her this evening? ,0,girl tjlefebvre missing anyone seen evening -is not really feeling Twitter at all ,0,really feeling twitter -@Splont I have a meeting all morning today if that makes you feel better ? Though I finish tomorrow until next weds to make you hate me!,0,splont meeting morning today make feel better though finish tomorrow next wed make hate -"in zombie mode today, kids are ill and kept me up till 2.30am . Up for work at 6am ",0,zombie mode today kid ill kept till 0am work -"...people who have had this, and she says they have all been the same. It's vicious. ",0,people say vicious -I'm missin my baby...really needed to talk to him today ,0,missin baby really needed talk today -school. and errands. without will and that's the sad part,0,school errand without sad part -I've got such a lot at the moment! Doubt I'm going to get chance to book time off with the family this easter hol's ,0,got lot moment doubt going get chance book time family easter hol -"I have to apply for international driver licence (not for competition, of course) to go to Nurburgring in May. Must take half-day off. ",0,apply international driver licence competition course go nurburgring may must take half day -@goulandris ?? ????????????? email ????? ?? provider! ,0,goulandris email provider -@laurenbavin Hey - you didn't tell me you had one of those!!! Jealous ,0,laurenbavin hey tell one jealous -Morning!! I'm baggered! Been the gym then off to work later ,0,morning baggered gym work later -@PrincessShorty aww. sorry to hear hope it gets better! listening to a podcast of the debate now. you spoke brilliantly!,0,princessshorty aww sorry hear hope get better listening podcast debate spoke brilliantly -@DaveDynamix I'm still sad over Marley & Me also. That damn clearance-dog ,0,davedynamix still sad marley amp also damn clearance dog -"@ashleyemma lucky devil! I'm dreaming of a crispy bacon sandwich, but no one, as yet, has volunteered to go get one ",0,ashleyemma lucky devil dreaming crispy bacon sandwich one yet volunteered go get one -Think I saw some magic on Sunday against Salford - I saw Hull FC come out onto the pitch but after that they vanished! ,0,think saw magic sunday salford saw hull fc come onto pitch vanished -"doing the usual with breakie in starbucks before heading out for the morning with cameras, but weather looking shite at this stage ",0,usual breakie starbucks heading morning camera weather looking shite stage -@George_Mackie i dont sell very often on ebay. ,0,george mackie dont sell often ebay -@tommcfly did you know that johnsons baby use animals like cute bunnies to test their products? ,0,tommcfly know johnson baby use animal like cute bunny test product -can't sleep bc I drank a diet coke @ 9pm....sucks bc I have to wake up at 5:30am ,0,sleep bc drank diet coke 9pm suck bc wake 0am -one triop down... one to go ,0,one triop one go -Damn... I need to learn ,0,damn need learn -darn it !!! I woke up with a great idea for a LIME article and I forgot what it was ,0,darn woke great idea lime article forgot -thinking the shorts and flip flops may have been a bad idea ,0,thinking short flip flop may bad idea -@mikebreed Its all up to us Mike. I understand what you say but I think its us that need to change my opinion but yours is good too! lol,0,mikebreed u mike understand say think u need change opinion good lol -I'm waiting for a parcel and it's just not arriving *argh* *hurry up* *hurry up*,0,waiting parcel arriving argh hurry hurry -"@Knot2serious oh! Btw,@djrocko951 & I tried to go to that Cuban buffet I told u about,so excited..it's closed on Mondays SAD story!",0,knot serious oh btw djrocko9 amp tried go cuban buffet told u excited closed monday sad story -@gingha It is! I have the docs so morning off and then into work Freecycling? What you getting?,0,gingha doc morning work freecycling getting -should have stayed at home ,0,stayed home -Bit lonely on here - don't seem to have many friends who actually use Twitter! Oh well...,0,bit lonely seem many friend actually use twitter oh well -@ArtemisIII Oh no is it the laundry powder maybe? I'm allergic to some and since jeans are usually so fitted it makes it worse,0,artemisiii oh laundry powder maybe allergic since jean usually fitted make worse -I need some inspiration before i hit the kitchen tonight ,0,need inspiration hit kitchen tonight -accidentally listened to the new sugababes album playing four girls aloud hits sequentially to purge the memory,0,accidentally listened new sugababes album playing four girl aloud hit sequentially purge memory -going to walk my dogs and shower before bed. sad the yankees lost the first game monday too! boooo ,0,going walk dog shower bed sad yankee lost first game monday boooo -"@ExMi Hey doll, sorry to hear bout ur doggie Hope he comes home soon! Would help u look if i weren't so far away!!",0,exmi hey doll sorry hear bout ur doggie hope come home soon would help u look far away -Is upset that she couldn't find "Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster" on Twitter to follow ,0,upset find quot church flying spaghetti monster quot twitter follow -why won't anyone enjoy pretty films with me ,0,anyone enjoy pretty film -feels like I am comming down with something....let's hope it's just a cold ,0,feel like comming something let hope cold -is NOT sleeping ....damnit. T-minus 4 hours and counting until i have to get the kids up for school ,0,sleeping damnit minus hour counting get kid school -@rochellesheree I missed you... is wednesday your day off? or is that thursday?,0,rochellesheree missed wednesday day thursday -"Missed the train to York, no Wifi and blackberry battery is going to die soon - not a good start to the day ",0,missed train york wifi blackberry battery going die soon good start day -@TheoryOfMind @woppygook OMNIAAAA!!! I said no to the crackberrryyy. Time to depart with my flip phone ,0,theoryofmind woppygook omniaaaa said crackberrryyy time depart flip phone -hermes packetdienst sucks ,0,hermes packetdienst suck -Had too much fun last night- paying for it now... going to go and fry an egg ,0,much fun last night paying going go fry egg -No squirrels today They must be hiding.,0,squirrel today must hiding -@nmcgivney yeah ploughed around there last night.. .but nothing happening ,0,nmcgivney yeah ploughed around last night nothing happening -@Ali1702 OMG- did daughter not come home last night?? What a huge worry. I would have been out of my mind. Poor you! ,0,ali 0 omg daughter come home last night huge worry would mind poor -Just bought a car and my impending fatherhood is affecting my judgement. Out with plans of a 330CI and in with a Rav-4 ,0,bought car impending fatherhood affecting judgement plan 0ci rav -"Even after the Aust. gov. rolls out its $43 Bln 100Mb b'band, we'll still be way behind most of the rest of the worlds b'band speeds ",0,even aust gov roll bln 00mb b band still way behind rest world b band speed -@bnish dan and i grabbed yardhouse earlier. why didn't you pirate it?! i was so disappointed ,0,bnish dan grabbed yardhouse earlier pirate disappointed -in work early for team meeting but forgot my lunch ,0,work early team meeting forgot lunch -I'm not worried about them cutting my hours down so i start at 10.00am every day...... Except i may have to give up my morning Starbucks ,0,worried cutting hour start 0 00am every day except may give morning starbucks -@mrjoe sorry to hear about the bike ,0,mrjoe sorry hear bike -@aliceverheij on MS XP im afriad laptop is about 3yrs old and think its just a bit messed up ,0,aliceverheij m xp im afriad laptop yr old think bit messed -"...well I was going to RPM. Vespa needs oil, I ain't going anywhere ",0,well going rpm vespa need oil going anywhere -MY FAST REMAINS UN BROKEN ,0,fast remains un broken -It's been a year since Mark Speight died A year goes so fast.,0,year since mark speight died year go fast -this is exactly why as cities burn worries me : "As Cities Burn's third and most likely final outing" - from their new album review ,0,exactly city burn worry quot city burn third likely final outing quot new album review -I don't like this 9-5 malarky - I should be out seeing my friends who I haven't seen in months stupid work ,0,like 9 malarky seeing friend seen month stupid work -"Aw balls. The new shirt I got at Aerie today doesn't fit. I wear a medium, but they only had a small in the one...",0,aw ball new shirt got aerie today fit wear medium small one -@SaulWilliams third budget of the yr in ireland today. they want to tax text messages. pray for the poets ,0,saulwilliams third budget yr ireland today want tax text message pray poet -Finished the second research paper of the week. It's Tuesday...kind of. Kill me. Test Friday. ,0,finished second research paper week tuesday kind kill test friday -"@jpiasentin Same, but unfortunately I have to pack now ",0,jpiasentin unfortunately pack -will probably be in Scotland next week. http://plurk.com/p/n0ivz,0,probably scotland next week http plurk com p n0ivz -"I'm having a panic attack, so I can't sleep. Distracting myself with TV and internet. Hope this goes away soon ",0,panic attack sleep distracting tv internet hope go away soon -"@susanstn opps,, still unable to DM you at the moment. maybe twitter bugs after the maintenance.",0,susanstn opps still unable dm moment maybe twitter bug maintenance -my project is going down the drain Legal issues seem to have dealt a fatal blow...,0,project going drain legal issue seem dealt fatal blow -Where's my heat and grazia subscriptions? He's probably delivered them next door ,0,heat grazia subscription probably delivered next door -is missing n ol frend & is thinking bout her rite now ,0,missing n ol frend amp thinking bout rite -@brahhh quit smoking cigs... i dont want to look old plus... i cant breath haha,0,brahhh quit smoking cigs dont want look old plus cant breath haha -... OMY! Jus woke up!! But was wishing I woke up sumwer in NY!! Lol,0,omy jus woke wishing woke sumwer ny lol -school suxxx. wish i was on tourny again ,0,school suxxx wish tourny -@Ainz_dj mate what time you gettin there? not gonna be able to hang around for the late bit but comin down to support you fo sho,0,ainz dj mate time gettin gon na able hang around late bit comin support fo sho -@mathie makes for hard work for small businesses ,0,mathie make hard work small business -"Well, isn't that great? Now I'm really sick, all coughing and having a sore throat. ",0,well great really sick coughing sore throat -"got up at 7 mistakenly, it should've been 6. ",0,got mistakenly -Got the BrainBone daily question wrong! - http://apps.facebook.com/brainbone/stats/339?ref=tw,0,got brainbone daily question wrong http apps facebook com brainbone stats 9 ref tw -@PhillyD Wishing you the best! <3,0,phillyd wishing best lt -"@Rockchic65 I normally go with pumpkin patch, but a bit skint at the minute ",0,rockchic normally go pumpkin patch bit skint minute -@headtotail Thank you I feel sad but hope we can give her a nice life til the end now.,0,headtotail thank feel sad hope give nice life til end -"@msJHeart lol, yeah i'm good. i just gotta unplug it and use the other one until i can hustle up $79 bucks for a new one ",0,msjheart lol yeah good got ta unplug use one hustle 9 buck new one -cant sleep once again. i need to cuddle ,0,cant sleep need cuddle -"@robertzalme Yes I do... Too much theory getting in, not much solutions coming out... ",0,robertzalme yes much theory getting much solution coming -Going to school in twenty minutes. I have a head-ache T_T. I'm not looking forward to meeting my angry teacher ,0,going school twenty minute head ache looking forward meeting angry teacher -Its wayy to early to be awake... zZz!! ,0,wayy early awake zzz -attack of the hayfever! noooo ,0,attack hayfever noooo -need hugs ,0,need hug -@neevd know of any more sites to play games on? i'll never get past the second footpath on frogger ,0,neevd know site play game never get past second footpath frogger -Playing Killzone 2... the demo ,0,playing killzone demo -"@iloveAC slut, you never talk to me! but yet you talk to rinn! waa waaa waaaaaaaa lol i love you courtney (:",0,iloveac slut never talk yet talk rinn waa waaa waaaaaaaa lol love courtney -"@mrsfr Yes, unfortunately the date clashed with an important and long standing family party, got to do it on my own ",0,mrsfr yes unfortunately date clashed important long standing family party got -I am having my coffee. I see frost on the car windows I suspected there would be some this am. I hope I am not so tired today.,0,coffee see frost car window suspected would hope tired today -My comp is so screwed up ,0,comp screwed -@JessicaFilan it is ,0,jessicafilan -"@Charliecondou 4SkinMusic, more like ",0,charliecondou skinmusic like -"@crazytwism i know..they block orkut in dubai!! in oman they have orkut access,but skype is banned! ru from the gulf?",0,crazytwism know block orkut dubai oman orkut access skype banned ru gulf -hates the waiting game. she hates uncertainties too. ,0,hate waiting game hate uncertainty -My throat hurts. I think I have a cold ,0,throat hurt think cold -now I'm kind of sad after all the bullshit I found out ,0,kind sad bullshit found -"Ow,I totally ate pavement this morn at Stephens Green Luas stop.So sore!AND THERE WAS A FREAKING TV CAMERA THERE!Of all the times to fall ",0,ow totally ate pavement morn stephen green luas stop sore freaking tv camera time fall -Jamming postponed again! Boohoohoozx damn you flu bug! ,0,jamming postponed boohoohoozx damn flu bug -my baby just went home ,0,baby went home -Another morning at .net towers.. still on deadline ,0,another morning net tower still deadline -"wakey Wakey, I'm bored '.' My dog is annoying He weights 20 pounds and doesn't want to come off of my knees",0,wakey wakey bored dog annoying weight 0 pound want come knee -; i miss family guyyy. ,0,miss family guyyy -tired and borrrrrred this vacation sooooooo hot,0,tired borrrrrred vacation sooooooo hot -"Just Sitting ,Waiting ",0,sitting waiting -"sitting at home, watching Jeremy Kyle and bored! ",0,sitting home watching jeremy kyle bored -still in germany! ,0,still germany -Stuck on my own at work super stressed. I wish i was somewhere else ,0,stuck work super stressed wish somewhere else -"@kateblogs no, it's because i'm an author, not a subscriber ",0,kateblogs author subscriber -Why am I up so EARLY!! -- I am bored and have had that trantula song stuck in my head for the past HOUR!! / www.StalkDaily.com/georg ...,0,early bored trantula song stuck head past hour www stalkdaily com georg -Feels like a cramp. Quite disconcerting ,0,feel like cramp quite disconcerting -@skynicmac shame ,0,skynicmac shame -one of my site's PR dropped http://plurk.com/p/n0jlt,0,one site pr dropped http plurk com p n0jlt -@McBesty monday is usually a working day? ,0,mcbesty monday usually working day -@maxbarners I hope it all goes well.,0,maxbarners hope go well -is supposed to work for university but the construction sight close by makes contant noise ,0,supposed work university construction sight close make contant noise -@CruciFire DAMIT! That was my idea for today's comic!!!! Just wrote it down. Will give credit then.,0,crucifire damit idea today comic wrote give credit -Zen sushi for lunch today...looks like it's raining outside ,0,zen sushi lunch today look like raining outside -"Ashley tisdale, I love you!!! But why did you dye your hair?! ",0,ashley tisdale love dye hair -didnt announce reading lineup ,0,didnt announce reading lineup -"@RonJeffries I'd love to hire you again too, it was tons of fun last time. I don't do the budget tho. Or the hiring ",0,ronjeffries love hire ton fun last time budget tho hiring -Off to see my German girl for her last night in Brisbane ,0,see german girl last night brisbane -"@micameli ???????????My friend was supposed to be having one, but it hasn't been arranged yet ",0,micameli friend supposed one arranged yet -LAN at @JetBlackOnyx's with @miss_mell was a blasty-blast. Now it's time for home ,0,lan jetblackonyx miss mell blasty blast time home -Gnah! Inner tube exploded. Gotta get a taxi to work or be late. ,0,gnah inner tube exploded got ta get taxi work late -"good morning - i am going for a run this morning, then its off to the dentist for some drilling ",0,good morning going run morning dentist drilling -@cubedweller Gah - not for me on freeview then Still - if they brought over the Colbert Report I'd consider switching just to get that.,0,cubedweller gah freeview still brought colbert report consider switching get -"i'm in my clinic, its booring http://twitpic.com/2y6qq",0,clinic booring http twitpic com qq -"Only 18 more days left in london, where did the time go ",0,day left london time go -@jerrrm today can not. meeting the whole day. gilaaaa ,0,jerrrm today meeting whole day gilaaaa -hungry dreaming of yumyums..,0,hungry dreaming yumyums -No gym yesteday!!!! They have a all new gym so I need a new induction good news is it's booked for Wednesday woot!!!,0,gym yesteday new gym need new induction good news booked wednesday woot -Ughhhhh I so didn't see that coming on house. Ilu bb ,0,ughhhhh see coming house ilu bb -@gfalcone601 nawww take me to london please? cornwall's boring ,0,gfalcone 0 nawww take london please cornwall boring -My website is down.. ,0,website -@KingKiwi i want to be somewhere with no rain its not very nice here today,0,kingkiwi want somewhere rain nice today -306 letters to be sent out!! better start writing now ,0,0 letter sent better start writing -@llordllama oh no I had an Obadiah too. Names that start with E are generally good.,0,llordllama oh obadiah name start e generally good -"@valdezign hmm, this beta of Nambu has ping.fm and friendfeed disabled. boo. ",0,valdezign hmm beta nambu ping fm friendfeed disabled boo -ohhh not very well. and i've lost my voice ,0,ohhh well lost voice -ARIZONAAAA! - japannaly: hhhahaha now you can�t go thursday! YOU BITCH! jk hahaha http://tumblr.com/xej1jtj9w,0,arizonaaaa japannaly hhhahaha go thursday bitch jk hahaha http tumblr com xej jtj9w -"BOOO EE you suck! WHY Daniella, don't bring Sam back at all if it has to be her! Not happy ",0,booo ee suck daniella bring sam back happy -@fabianv what kind of docs? and what are you using to write them? we're always behind on our docs ,0,fabianv kind doc using write always behind doc -Wishes she didn't have OM homework to do right now ,0,wish om homework right -Ok here's the deal i live in a small town i've never seen anythin famous n anyway so i thought i might luck up on something ,0,ok deal live small town never seen anythin famous n anyway thought might luck something -@duskyazure least U got 2 lie in - I 've bn up way 2 long!! Mrs woke up at 6am this morning & dragd me out of slumberlnd @ the same time ,0,duskyazure least u got lie bn way long mr woke morning amp dragd slumberlnd time -I'm trying to plan trips...low budget though...don't think it is working ,0,trying plan trip low budget though think working -@IanHanlon Me and Scobz goal is to get a celeb to respond to one of our tweets before we go to sleep. I may not get any sleep ,0,ianhanlon scobz goal get celeb respond one tweet go sleep may get sleep -nobody ever speaks to me now ,0,nobody ever speaks -Waiting For Tom To Call ,0,waiting tom call -"it's mums birthday, im glad she likes her pressies. i'm looking forward to party time later this week, but sad im not going to cornwall ",0,mum birthday im glad like pressies looking forward party time later week sad im going cornwall -@dajbelshaw sounds like my every day except gym,0,dajbelshaw sound like every day except gym -My car arrived!! ....maybe i'll get it on thursday....damn paperwork ,0,car arrived maybe get thursday damn paperwork -Someone (@Ratsofatsorat) left a few sips of mocha in the reusable coffee mug. Last week. Now it's chunky ,0,someone ratsofatsorat left sip mocha reusable coffee mug last week chunky -"Omg, whats with Windows Vista today. Tried installing it on my Windows 7 laptop and its died! Reinstall ",0,omg whats window vista today tried installing window laptop died reinstall -I mean nobody goes on this anymore x,0,mean nobody go anymore x -dear twitter... i have 4 bug bites on my leg. :\ they r itchyyyy.... haha just got outta the shower. uhh night.,0,dear twitter bug bite leg r itchyyyy haha got outta shower uhh night -@thomassonora I had the same problem #poken #error,0,thomassonora problem poken error -"@tracitoguchi Nah not really, feeling it come back on ",0,tracitoguchi nah really feeling come back -@MushyV Ahhhhh that Hoff programme sounded CLASSS!!!! I fuckin missed it hopes there's a repeat innit,0,mushyv ahhhhh hoff programme sounded class fuckin missed hope repeat innit -confused what he should do with his life ,0,confused life -@grunt121 Good luck with The Big Meeting. I hope the rumour mill is wrong.,0,grunt good luck big meeting hope rumour mill wrong -@j_xx is the white guy manager there? the one that shouts when you walk in? I wanna go back and feast!,0,j xx white guy manager one shout walk wan na go back feast -no missing 17 again on thursday is the worst ,0,missing thursday worst -"Hello world, i dont like to do physics. ",0,hello world dont like physic -"Going to the dentist again I mean, tooth spa right @valeriekhoo ;)",0,going dentist mean tooth spa right valeriekhoo -My boyfriend means the world to me but he just doesn't seem to see it ....muchless understand ,0,boyfriend mean world seem see muchless understand -@Natazzz *hurt and sad* ,0,natazzz hurt sad -"Finished marking can't celebrate yet tho, got to communicate marks & feedback to all those online students, rest of the night gone there ",0,finished marking celebrate yet tho got communicate mark amp feedback online student rest night gone -"Is still sick, hate this ",0,still sick hate -Simon Felice is no longer playing with the Felice Brothers. I'm not sure how I feel about that. ,0,simon felice longer playing felice brother sure feel -ears size 00 hurt watching chaos theory!!! wonderful movie love it!,0,ear size 00 hurt watching chaos theory wonderful movie love -going on holidays with my friend tomorrow exited but no twitter ,0,going holiday friend tomorrow exited twitter -Looks like the Nobel peace prize is simply a popularity contest http://tinyurl.com/cffz4h,0,look like nobel peace prize simply popularity contest http tinyurl com cffz h -oww the poor darling Body of missing Tracy girl Sandra Cantu found inside suitcase www.tinyurl.com/dfhvzg #tracy,0,oww poor darling body missing tracy girl sandra cantu found inside suitcase www tinyurl com dfhvzg tracy -ugh why did my mum wake me up so early!! 8:45 geesh! I NEED SLEEP! And @princessnadys...there is noth awww ,0,ugh mum wake early geesh need sleep princessnadys noth awww -"but I have to work now, so no time to play ",0,work time play -@haylieofficial every night ,0,haylieofficial every night -"No post or even any email, nobody loves you when your down, I'd take a long walk but don't have energy to get out of chair ",0,post even email nobody love take long walk energy get chair -via @chrismevans: Argh. Driving into London today. Made a wrong turn at Kings-X - stuck in an extra 30 minutes of logjam traffic ,0,via chrismevans argh driving london today made wrong turn king x stuck extra 0 minute logjam traffic -@mattg00d i dont like you not having internet. You dont tweet as much. ,0,mattg00d dont like internet dont tweet much -@jodie_lane JODIE? ARE YOU AWAKE? ARE YOU HUNGRY? DO YOU NEED ANYTHING? coz i'm leaving. coz you wont talk to me ,0,jodie lane jodie awake hungry need anything coz leaving coz wont talk -@llaacceeyy haha i'm not a good cook at all it looks pretty foul right now. love having voguettes on twitter yay! nice to meet you x,0,llaacceeyy haha good cook look pretty foul right love voguettes twitter yay nice meet x -"Needs to go to the dentist now. What a perfect start for the holidays,hm? ",0,need go dentist perfect start holiday hm -has no milk for a cup of tea ,0,milk cup tea -MOTHER FUCKERS. CHANGING THE ROTAS WITHOUT TELLING ME = NOT COOL. OFF TO WORK. ,0,mother fucker changing rota without telling cool work -why can I not add my boyfriend!!!!! ,0,add boyfriend -"arghhhhhh , can`t put a profile picture here , so i`m sorry guy`s , don`t know what to do now ",0,arghhhhhh put profile picture sorry guy know -@lolzitsmel Paranormal was pretty good tonight!,0,lolzitsmel paranormal pretty good tonight -@Glinner Don't think that's the right username for Mr Brooks ,0,glinner think right username mr brook -Its a grey day in London come back sun all is forgiven ,0,grey day london come back sun forgiven -I HATE WINDOWS MOVIE MAKER.... SONY VEGAS COME BACK!! I cant download it anymore. My brother banned me from downloading.. ? (,0,hate window movie maker sony vega come back cant download anymore brother banned downloading -i cant stop laughing @ this burger king commerical.....im so easily amused ,0,cant stop laughing burger king commerical im easily amused -@davidkudrev It's just a pity that Facebook Chat has exceeded even MSN's amazingly level of unreliability! ,0,davidkudrev pity facebook chat exceeded even msn amazingly level unreliability -Pity I'll have to remove it because it's irrelevant. ,0,pity remove irrelevant -Hubby has such a tight scedule for us during easter vaca that its stressing me out... 8 visits all over Denmark in 6 days ,0,hubby tight scedule u easter vaca stressing visit denmark day -"@rickrodgers just kidding man. RIM doesn't even have a sync client for Linux, and the opensync package sucks at least it can charge lolz",0,rickrodgers kidding man rim even sync client linux opensync package suck least charge lolz -..... Oh and my agents had me booked out the wrong days. X1000000,0,oh agent booked wrong day x 000000 -"going out with josh, of course i broke up with will but was it the right thing to do???? i feel so bad so confused...",0,going josh course broke right thing feel bad confused -i wish my new glasses weren't so expensive ,0,wish new glass expensive -Yummy pizza for dinner. Top of mouth burnt now though ,0,yummy pizza dinner top mouth burnt though -Literally spitting blood. ,0,literally spitting blood -im just a little bit bored down here in warrnambool only so many animal docos you can handle,0,im little bit bored warrnambool many animal docos handle -Wordpress is being a bitch-ass bitch! Otherwise there'd be a new Silence remix up ,0,wordpress bitch as bitch otherwise new silence remix -@casasteve VW forums are a nightmare for that. Enthusiasts on forums always results in politics and bitching! ,0,casasteve vw forum nightmare enthusiast forum always result politics bitching -is awake at a sensible time and is doing alot of coursework bohoo ,0,awake sensible time alot coursework bohoo -@Schofe That sounds like a great show! Shame I'm at work ,0,schofe sound like great show shame work -@Wyldceltic1 so i read! i'm glad you're doing better. ,0,wyldceltic read glad better -@emperoremil yup. I'm at work. I'm on midshift na e. ,0,emperoremil yup work midshift na e -@burjz UGH I DIDN'T MEAN TO SIGN OFF and then when I got back you were gone ,0,burjz ugh mean sign got back gone -My baby's heading for Perth ,0,baby heading perth -uh D: why did the dentists hurt today. holy crap i feel like my teeth are all about to fall out ,0,uh dentist hurt today holy crap feel like teeth fall -Nobody will let me make one giant cookie ,0,nobody let make one giant cookie -going for a ride i hate my legs ,0,going ride hate leg -feels sick and needs foood. i cant find my camera anywhere! last night was good. lindsay's house is pretty ruined eek.,0,feel sick need foood cant find camera anywhere last night good lindsay house pretty ruined eek -"@omkar_kurode : you won coz i created "avenues" for you! and yeah, i made the mistake of choosing TANGO over ZONE ",0,omkar kurode coz created quot avenue quot yeah made mistake choosing tango zone -Sometimes YouTube has no sound on Ubuntu ,0,sometimes youtube sound ubuntu -cannot find her phone ,0,find phone -"might have to go to hospital on my foot for an x-ray, have to wait for the doctor to call me back to confirm, I HATE HOSPITALS!!! ",0,might go hospital foot x ray wait doctor call back confirm hate hospital -Ahh sorry ya';ll for not being able to twitter from the show my phone so did not work in there at all But brit was amazeing....ahhh,0,ahh sorry ya able twitter show phone work brit amazeing ahhh -"I'm so damn tired today, actually I need to take a nap when I'm at home but there's no time ",0,damn tired today actually need take nap home time -"Just woke up, tiresome times ",0,woke tiresome time -"@Heromancer come back to orlando again sooon! i couldn't make it to the show, sadly ",0,heromancer come back orlando sooon make show sadly -wishes Restaurant City or Pet Society could be ported to the iPhone/iTouch. http://plurk.com/p/n0lb0,0,wish restaurant city pet society could ported iphone itouch http plurk com p n0lb0 -not twittering in the past 22 days obviously. 1:40AM and taking a small break from ochem. ,0,twittering past day obviously 0am taking small break ochem -omg this bed is making me sick i cant even sleep in it ,0,omg bed making sick cant even sleep -On our way to the hospital... please keep praying. ,0,way hospital please keep praying -just had a bowl of bran flakes and is about to ave a shower and do revision! ,0,bowl bran flake ave shower revision -@phillColeman I had it as low as 3.5 last night ,0,phillcoleman low last night -"@SarahLSharp oops, feel like i'm breaking a few hearts now ",0,sarahlsharp oops feel like breaking heart -@ShystieUK wish me luck gotta go london ging great olmand street for a appointment really scared xxxx,0,shystieuk wish luck got ta go london ging great olmand street appointment really scared xxxx -"@__dev_dsp Hrm, your last two posts make it sound like I'm holding you back. ",0,dev dsp hrm last two post make sound like holding back -@etnobofin even google translator does not get it ,0,etnobofin even google translator get -"might have to go to hospital for my foot for an x-ray, have to wait for the doctor to call me back to confirm, I HATE HOSPITALS!!! ",0,might go hospital foot x ray wait doctor call back confirm hate hospital -"thi M4 v? , c�i ??u b? ?i�n ",0,thi v c u b n -"I know I shouldn't feel upset about losing a follower. Who was probably a porn star or trying to sell me something. And yet, I do. ",0,know feel upset losing follower probably porn star trying sell something yet -ARGH...Firefox has just removed a Bookmarks folder - my SharePoint folder including all links within No idea why/how,0,argh firefox removed bookmark folder sharepoint folder including link within idea -@delustre I wanna watch Dollhouse! I haven't seen any eps yet. I <3 Eliza Dushku so much lol,0,delustre wan na watch dollhouse seen eps yet lt eliza dushku much lol -@KourtneyKardash I need get my beach bod back ,0,kourtneykardash need get beach bod back -Just saw Dan off neighbours walking down Chapel street...random!!!! Feeling like they are going to fire me at work any1 got a job going,0,saw dan neighbour walking chapel street random feeling like going fire work got job going -@jansmells maybe you should stop being so lazy ,0,jansmells maybe stop lazy -@goosed sorry for procrastinating while you were gone ,0,goosed sorry procrastinating gone -@macbatchelor Ah! won't be at rehearsal tonight We are awaiting the imminent arrival!,0,macbatchelor ah rehearsal tonight awaiting imminent arrival -"@clairefallen Nah, everyone! ",0,clairefallen nah everyone -Snow in April? This sucks! ,0,snow april suck -@colbsi Flickr's not letting me view it - says it's private ,0,colbsi flickr letting view say private -"@MissWyn I bet you are I remember Easter as a kid was so excited, you'll have a great day!",0,misswyn bet remember easter kid excited great day -"@xambix wow, welcome home eh that's well shit, especially just coming back off holiday!!! Some fucking people!",0,xambix wow welcome home eh well shit especially coming back holiday fucking people -@BlueEyedBomber EXCELLENT!!! Missed you Saturday night ,0,blueeyedbomber excellent missed saturday night -@Tiahn good coz you don't have to be there....bad coz you don't get paid ,0,tiahn good coz bad coz get paid -"It was going to be sunny today, right? Why do forecasters always put my hopes up? #fb",0,going sunny today right forecaster always put hope fb -@Ollien33 and @carousella - I can't I have another doctors appointment at 9 and another one at 11. Sucks.,0,ollien carousella another doctor appointment 9 another one suck -Still a bit sick But working on 2 articles today,0,still bit sick working article today -last 2 days in my nice little office. dont wanna move ,0,last day nice little office dont wan na move -Doesn't want to go college want to cuddle my babyyy,0,want go college want cuddle babyyy -hmm shoulder is making some bad noises if i move my arm back and forth (i know don't do it!) fear a return to physio may be required ,0,hmm shoulder making bad noise move arm back forth know fear return physio may required -@happyahma - welcome back! Sorry to hear about the ants. ,0,happyahma welcome back sorry hear ant -@rhyswynne That's a pest Grr to spam!,0,rhyswynne pest grr spam -"@ODannyGirl7 oh yesses. i have "road rash" all over my hip. lovely, ay? i so ROCK!",0,odannygirl oh yes quot road rash quot hip lovely ay rock -@whyvee Welcome home! Sounds like a hell of a journey back ,0,whyvee welcome home sound like hell journey back -"got an offer to go camping at fraser island for the weekend, would jump on the offer without a 2nd thought but it's forecast to rain ",0,got offer go camping fraser island weekend would jump offer without nd thought forecast rain -"@latexfetish Sadly that's not a feed For Wordpress a feed usually would be bla.com/feed/ or bla.com/?feed=rss2, but those two don't exist",0,latexfetish sadly feed wordpress feed usually would bla com feed bla com feed r two exist -"@kristenkreuk fiuhh, nice to get info from you, i'm one of your fans from indonesia. and still waiting for your movie in my country thanx",0,kristenkreuk fiuhh nice get info one fan indonesia still waiting movie country thanx -don't want to leave college ,0,want leave college -I cant give up smoking... I tried but it's not easy.. ,0,cant give smoking tried easy -http://twitpic.com/2y6z6 See where we've been moved too. #dwsr,0,http twitpic com z see moved dwsr -"@tayswift - I was up at 3AM btw, congrats on winning album of the year. You deserve it, I can't not shed a tear to White Horse!",0,tayswift btw congrats winning album year deserve shed tear white horse -"@Hedgewytch oh that's horrible about Innocent Smoothies! we love them, but if they start putting rubbish in them ",0,hedgewytch oh horrible innocent smoothy love start putting rubbish -I can't sleep. There's a fight outside. How inconsiderate. I wanna go SLEEP! ,0,sleep fight outside inconsiderate wan na go sleep -is frightened cos its spider time.. i hope the flat repels them as i unfortunately haven't got a man to save me ,0,frightened co spider time hope flat repels unfortunately got man save -"Having casual, unprotected tweets with twats I'll probably never see again. My mom will be so dissapointed ",0,casual unprotected tweet twat probably never see mom dissapointed -going out sidee in dee cold. ,0,going sidee dee cold -has insomnia and a headache ,0,insomnia headache -"@virtuallin I actually really like Taub, for some reason. I thought the bromance with Kutner was cute. Still... Kutner. Sigh. ",0,virtuallin actually really like taub reason thought bromance kutner cute still kutner sigh -Watched Smallville 8x18 last nite http://twurl.nl/iyar6d ep could've been so much more but yet again the decisions made fail to impress ,0,watched smallville x last nite http twurl nl iyar ep could much yet decision made fail impress -last time i watched this movie it had this huge epiphinal line that was exactly what i needed. now that i need it again i can't find it. ,0,last time watched movie huge epiphinal line exactly needed need find -@jazred87 i told you if I caved I'd end up abusing it... much like I do Facebook. It's because I don't have any real friends ,0,jazred told caved end abusing much like facebook real friend -cannot upload my pic ,0,upload pic -My personal Web site was hacked. What should I do?,0,personal web site hacked -When will i finally get over this cold? ,0,finally get cold -I really hope I suceed ,0,really hope suceed -Bugger its all good today! Might have to error check things then ,0,bugger good today might error check thing -Currently wishing I could have more of the treacle sponge and custard that Louise made me last night while watching Order of the Phoenix ,0,currently wishing could treacle sponge custard louise made last night watching order phoenix -"Reports from Italy: 179 death, 34 missing, 1500 injured #Italy #Earthquake (via RAI http://tinyurl.com/c5mja5 )",0,report italy 9 death missing 00 injured italy earthquake via rai http tinyurl com c mja -"You know what sucks? Finding out I have a burned out tail light when the stores are closed. Plus, they are not open before I work. ",0,know suck finding burned tail light store closed plus open work -G'day. At the evil highschool right now ,0,g day evil highschool right -"rain ruined the Malaysian GP - not much fun, neither any money from it ... ",0,rain ruined malaysian gp much fun neither money -@Ajiee thnx ajeng! I will have to skip that class im totally unprepared!,0,ajiee thnx ajeng skip class im totally unprepared -On my way to Chicago finally; Connecting through London now and will be home for 5 measely days and then back out again... ,0,way chicago finally connecting london home measely day back -@maxime68 Darn! Can't open it on my work computer. Not supposed to have fun at work But thanks anyway!,0,maxime darn open work computer supposed fun work thanks anyway -"@Janelle76 i want a phone that i can FB,MS, and twitter from!!!! ",0,janelle want phone fb m twitter -@keongzai assign someone else to do it... or eff it and do it yourself ,0,keongzai assign someone else eff -Off to the hospital soon. Kinda sucks I'm not allowed to eat anything x,0,hospital soon kinda suck allowed eat anything x -Doesn't like how much UK postal prices have just gone up. Now costs 20p more to mail a Black Velvet to USA/ROTW & 10p UK. ,0,like much uk postal price gone cost 0p mail black velvet usa rotw amp 0p uk -"4 days in York - nice place. photos coming soon. Feeling sick now though, and I'm back at work ",0,day york nice place photo coming soon feeling sick though back work -@davenavarro6767 was wondering where you'd been? You've been so quiet these days. Miss the chatty Dave ,0,davenavarro wondering quiet day miss chatty dave -@alystoe I hope you are okay,0,alystoe hope okay -"Is at work, thinking how much graveyard shift sux ",0,work thinking much graveyard shift sux -Last day of work before I go on holiday... argh... got fuck loads to do ,0,last day work go holiday argh got fuck load -I snickered for like twenty minutes thinking that was the awesomest name ever. ,0,snickered like twenty minute thinking awesomest name ever -I don't know how to use this thing and my stupid picture won't upload ,0,know use thing stupid picture upload -madre is grinding on me this is gonna be a long week ,0,madre grinding gon na long week -"@ThomasGudgeon Well yes, Shame that you can only get the plastic one for the first generation. ",0,thomasgudgeon well yes shame get plastic one first generation -i think my tweetdeck is failing me ,0,think tweetdeck failing -it still hurts ,0,still hurt -@McKayla_JB HEY. LOL. BTW U Know How To Upload A Picture? I tried But It Never Shows XO,0,mckayla jb hey lol btw u know upload picture tried never show xo -working at home ,0,working home -it's sooo super duper cold ,0,sooo super duper cold -@MisterSkull awwwwww!!!! What a shame you're miles and miles away ,0,misterskull awwwwww shame mile mile away -just spent the last half hour making a playlist for tonight... it's going to be a long night ,0,spent last half hour making playlist tonight going long night -@NattNatt81 You doggie dazzler!! im trying to work a bit today if you want we coule pop ovr and say hi later?,0,nattnatt doggie dazzler im trying work bit today want coule pop ovr say hi later -oh but damn..fried screwing up me lunch ,0,oh damn fried screwing lunch -Getting ready to leave Cali....I DON"T WANT TO GO HOME!!! I wish I could just bring my kids here!!! ,0,getting ready leave cali quot want go home wish could bring kid -has a maths examen at 1 o clock ,0,math examen clock -@RyanSeacrest Tie bar! I missed it on Wednesday. ,0,ryanseacrest tie bar missed wednesday -"@nickdawson Hope your knee feels better quickly, though, after having been on it all night. ",0,nickdawson hope knee feel better quickly though night -I am wondering why my lovely wife doesn't check or respond to my tweets ,0,wondering lovely wife check respond tweet -"But of course, the document with the important tables in it isn't published on the internet ",0,course document important table published internet -Love is a joke with no punch line ,0,love joke punch line -"@jona_thin sorry, must of left a corel install cd somewhere in you room then.. ",0,jona thin sorry must left corel install cd somewhere room -"I went to get a coffee but the kids got to the milk before I did, now I have a can of coke instead ",0,went get coffee kid got milk coke instead -Yoghurt overload ,0,yoghurt overload -"@orangeflowers me too, its scary not the clutter but the unclean pain keeps me awake lately, but shld start subsiding in a wk or so",0,orangeflowers scary clutter unclean pain keep awake lately shld start subsiding wk -Good morning world(s) - We got snow again! ,0,good morning world got snow -Throat killing me and missing gordon ,0,throat killing missing gordon -fighting off the hungries ,0,fighting hungries -@Willie_Day26 Can't sleep!!!! Its 345 and I have to be at work at 830! Don't know what the problem is ,0,willie day sleep work 0 know problem -@ArtemisIII Aw sorry to hear that! I don't know what I'd do without jeans in Winter,0,artemisiii aw sorry hear know without jean winter -miss kabalin hates me ,0,miss kabalin hate -Stuffy nose. Its preventing me from sleep. any remedies?,0,stuffy nose preventing sleep remedy -went to bed at 8pm and now wide awake at 4 am. I don't have to be to work until 8:30. This is going to be a long day ,0,went bed pm wide awake work 0 going long day -@rustyrockets i tnk you need to make me smile today! because you never ever write back to me but you do to everyoneee else x,0,rustyrockets tnk need make smile today never ever write back everyoneee else x -Itchy eyes...grass being cut...oh-oh. ,0,itchy eye grass cut oh oh -my damn filling just fell out!!! Half of my tooth is GONE!,0,damn filling fell half tooth gone -@daftasabat I needed a lie in lol. I haven't slept for more than 6 hours in a few days now. It's killing me! ,0,daftasabat needed lie lol slept hour day killing -Just watched Grey's Anatomy. I cried. I will be writing now. I miss Meg. ,0,watched grey anatomy cried writing miss meg -I hope not all is lost *sigh* ,0,hope lost sigh -going to look for curtains. ,0,going look curtain -yesterday was a bad day. found Bernie Mac died last year where was i??,0,yesterday bad day found bernie mac died last year -is she still up ?? is she is then u shud be online.. dunno how to find out ,0,still u shud online dunno find -"@outoutout dunno..I've emailed their website + a&r, sent a tweet, but no replies.They've probably got bored of fan-remixers bugging them ",0,outoutout dunno emailed website amp r sent tweet reply probably got bored fan remixers bugging -"Wishing I could get some sleep, but that probably isn't going to happen tonight ",0,wishing could get sleep probably going happen tonight -Riry is being a pain and nomming on my hand. Should not have sprayed her with that cat nip mist as a joke. now she is craaaazy,0,riry pain nomming hand sprayed cat nip mist joke craaaazy -@Silverlines aaaah.. jadi tiba2 pingin butter sugar toast huhuu ,0,silverlines aaaah jadi tiba pingin butter sugar toast huhuu -Thats messed up ,0,thats messed -"@jennnnie yes, and the next project's wool is hiding from me...it was there on friday when i went to craig's place ",0,jennnnie yes next project wool hiding friday went craig place -Why do those project reports for school need so many words.. am 700 words short ,0,project report school need many word 00 word short -@InspiredWriting I love how I can - could - easily read and tweed while working. With twitter.com I'm reloading all the time ,0,inspiredwriting love could easily read tweed working twitter com reloading time -"@teleken Unfortunately, I don't. sorry Hopefully you do find someone who can, though!",0,teleken unfortunately sorry hopefully find someone though -Hang on. Does anyone use fax machines any more??? ,0,hang anyone use fax machine -@drjackdr oh did you see the disaster? really an horrible situation ,0,drjackdr oh see disaster really horrible situation -"just put a bid in for signed panic at the disco poster, unfortunatly the fall out boy one is already over my limit ",0,put bid signed panic disco poster unfortunatly fall boy one already limit -@antzpantz well I obviosuly missed evcery single one ,0,antzpantz well obviosuly missed evcery single one -"@jordynhill7 oh i cic, so much meaning to that ring. but i have a feeling i'd lose it ",0,jordynhill oh cic much meaning ring feeling lose -"@lissie45 sorry, just saw the post, signed up even before i finished reading lol....these guys are gold. feel bad for those who paid 600 ",0,lissie sorry saw post signed even finished reading lol guy gold feel bad paid 00 -"i just did the sweetest ol boy, he was 88 and telling me about when he was in the war ",0,sweetest ol boy telling war -"@swellvintage A lot better today, thanks! Unfortunately being sick did not mean loss of apetite for me. x",0,swellvintage lot better today thanks unfortunately sick mean loss apetite x -@sminchin1977 sorry to hear you're unwell. It's the school holiday syndrome again ,0,sminchin 9 sorry hear unwell school holiday syndrome -Is waiting for the scrappers to come to pick up his old Saab ,0,waiting scrapper come pick old saab -everyone hates me so much ,0,everyone hate much -does not know how he got home last night ,0,know got home last night -4 hours laying down on a flattened bean bag FTL ,0,hour laying flattened bean bag ftl -and it was a great song too ,0,great song -ooo Dr Who is on in HD...... ok ok I'm officially a sad techy geek ,0,ooo dr hd ok ok officially sad techy geek -"Valium, I needz it ",0,valium needz -@SeptMourningM Texas is far from phx! LOL what part?,0,septmourningm texas far phx lol part -@LuckyRivera and it was a great song too ,0,luckyrivera great song -ouch my toenail... aaaaaaaa ,0,ouch toenail aaaaaaaa -Babysitting This Morning Stiil It's An Excuse To Watch The Chute On CBBC.,0,babysitting morning stiil excuse watch chute cbbc -Man! Did I had a wacky dream this early morning .... loggin here ... looks like ATS is spamming me with updates ,0,man wacky dream early morning loggin look like at spamming update -I was in such a good mood this morning. Now? Not so much anymore. Stupid work! Stupid cellphone provider! ,0,good mood morning much anymore stupid work stupid cellphone provider -i still cant understand linked in. what sthe point of it again? just got bakc from shoot. bloody exhausted. i need a hug ,0,still cant understand linked sthe point got bakc shoot bloody exhausted need hug -"Forgot about shitty co-op, ugh. ",0,forgot shitty co op ugh -Is looking for a dress for her friend but can't find it ,0,looking dress friend find -enjoying lunch at the lake of constance - uh that would be cool! but impossible ,0,enjoying lunch lake constance uh would cool impossible -"I really want a new job not particually a better one, just a new one....",0,really want new job particually better one new one -@shaundiviney I want pizzaaaa. ,0,shaundiviney want pizzaaaa -windows mobile doesnt allow me to write the stack pointer ,0,window mobile doesnt allow write stack pointer -Need to go and do some college work and then go to work having had no food !,0,need go college work go work food -"terrible toothache, feeling very grumpy. 44 hotels to write about in my work queue ",0,terrible toothache feeling grumpy hotel write work queue -PyPI fail: Installing Markdown with pip and easy_install downloads the Python 3 version ,0,pypi fail installing markdown pip easy install downloads python version -y isnt it as sunny as yesterday ,0,isnt sunny yesterday -Deadline ahead ,0,deadline ahead -"@karinhoegh So true. I love Frienfeed, but there are so many cool apps out there that delivers value and so little time ",0,karinhoegh true love frienfeed many cool apps delivers value little time -damn!!! I m missing twitter... have been very busy off late and have not got enuff time to be active on twitter... missing all d action!,0,damn missing twitter busy late got enuff time active twitter missing action -Why must we continue to say hurtful things? When can we be at peace? That's all I've EVER wanted!! Grr ,0,must continue say hurtful thing peace ever wanted grr -@savicevic Aww. I won't be that roommate next year!,0,savicevic aww roommate next year -bye every one im going to stop being a 3tfan i cant do this any more im a fan only becouse i want to date taryll and he dosent want me .,0,bye every one im going stop tfan cant im fan becouse want date taryll dosent want -"@ianmack First season yes, descended into creepy teen boy humour in season 2 Still <3 Mulder/Moody though.",0,ianmack first season yes descended creepy teen boy humour season still lt mulder moody though -"@iphoneincanada no wait, their $10-cheaper package has 150 more voice minutes! It's cheaper and substantially better! Messsedd upppp! ",0,iphoneincanada wait 0 cheaper package 0 voice minute cheaper substantially better messsedd upppp -i suck at making jelly cakeeeee. ,0,suck making jelly cakeeeee -@swati121 SWATI!!! omg i missed you soo much have you heard the new jls song 8-) ahaa youre probs all jetlagged right now...,0,swati swati omg missed soo much heard new jls song ahaa youre probs jetlagged right -"Argh� Fantasy Surfer Carnage� Dane, Marlon & Nat C all out! #fantasysurfer",0,argh fantasy surfer carnage dane marlon amp nat c fantasysurfer -feels slightly ill. Guess i shouldnt have eaten Mc Ds after all. ,0,feel slightly ill guess shouldnt eaten mc d -"@awlred they dont exist however, anodising services do exist, so i could get it done *-)",0,awlred dont exist however anodising service exist could get done -wishing she hadnt drunk so mush yestaday ,0,wishing hadnt drunk mush yestaday -I just got an amazing new pedal.... and I just blew both of my speakers. ,0,got amazing new pedal blew speaker -I wish I was in Sydney! ,0,wish sydney -@craigelder proof reading Defra Greener Living Fund bid - only a Govt dept could have a grant application deadline this close to Easter ,0,craigelder proof reading defra greener living fund bid govt dept could grant application deadline close easter -"@hairpins ohh how i envy you natalieeee! i need a new wardrobe, and something to wear out the weekend after this! ",0,hairpin ohh envy natalieeee need new wardrobe something wear weekend -@AnotherA ,0,anothera -@swati121 yeah i havnt got any crad/unlimited to text/call either sucks. will catch up with you today sometime!! xxxxx,0,swati yeah havnt got crad unlimited text call either suck catch today sometime xxxxx -is sad coz alison's leaving england to france tonight ,0,sad coz alison leaving england france tonight -"needs a mouse, looks like my lappy's touch pad is giving up na. http://plurk.com/p/n0ni4",0,need mouse look like lappy touch pad giving na http plurk com p n0ni -what do u do when u find out that the person u supported and stood behind since day 1 tells u that in the past they tried to blow u off. ,0,u u find person u supported stood behind since day tell u past tried blow u -Off out to doctors appointment. ,0,doctor appointment -NASA lost RAW footage from the Apollo 11 mission? http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/15.01/nasa.html,0,nasa lost raw footage apollo mission http www wired com wired archive 0 nasa html -winter is slowly creeping into Cape Town not looking forward to it...,0,winter slowly creeping cape town looking forward -"@cheekybeer Document Management Systems always a good idea, although rarely seems to happen in practice ",0,cheekybeer document management system always good idea although rarely seems happen practice -"i hate this time, i am super bored but everyone is sleeping ",0,hate time super bored everyone sleeping -About to ge ready for work as i have a 9 hour shift ahead of me x,0,ge ready work 9 hour shift ahead x -"@greyhoundgal omg front page! i'd be so excited, congratulations. sorry about torres hurting his paw tho is that your dog?",0,greyhoundgal omg front page excited congratulation sorry torres hurting paw tho dog -I'm so tired for no reason (other than going to bed late and sleeping in lately)... it makes me angry... ,0,tired reason going bed late sleeping lately make angry -@Denpasar good luck!!! look forward to the update. run not an option in this wind seriously!!!! blowing a real gale ,0,denpasar good luck look forward update run option wind seriously blowing real gale -LAST DAY AT LSHS TOMORROW ,0,last day lshs tomorrow -Can't smell Tyson any more ... ,0,smell tyson -wishes twitter had a translator!! Twitter just hasn't caught on in the southern hemisphere yet!! They'll get there aventually I guess! ,0,wish twitter translator twitter caught southern hemisphere yet get aventually guess -"@ChristinaStokes Is SH working for you? For me, It says that the website is down? ",0,christinastokes sh working say website -alone at the office ,0,alone office -@J_xox ohh i hope so not stopin till i get a reply! lol i wunder if Marvs read all the VS lyrics haha i can imagine his nxt blog about it,0,j xox ohh hope stopin till get reply lol wunder marvs read v lyric haha imagine nxt blog -@kleinjinx it seems like my in-laws are coming over easter. we will have to meet another time. ,0,kleinjinx seems like law coming easter meet another time -My camera spoil ,0,camera spoil -sooo not motivated to do work ,0,sooo motivated work - It still wont let me log in I know my user's thier cos anth sent me a friend request,0,still wont let log know user thier co anth sent friend request -"is still waiting for a dispatch, and just got up about an hour ago, after sleeping 4 hours. Guess I'll go back to bed ",0,still waiting dispatch got hour ago sleeping hour guess go back bed -Going to sleep have a busy day going to meetings and stuff - miss my girl shes in switzerland ,0,going sleep busy day going meeting stuff miss girl shes switzerland -@marthagoneMAD agreed. I wish it could just be pure and easy fun.,0,marthagonemad agreed wish could pure easy fun -"urgh. my head hurts. think I've had about 7 hours sleep, but the cat was miaowing... no rest for the wicked!",0,urgh head hurt think hour sleep cat miaowing rest wicked -one hour late-bad plumbers ,0,one hour late bad plumber -I really wish I was 100% better so I could be 100% awesome at work. ,0,really wish 00 better could 00 awesome work -i better be allowed to go to sway sway baby concert or i'll seriously cry ,0,better allowed go sway sway baby concert seriously cry -"@Silverlines tadi di PIM udah sempet lirik2 mesra, tapi baru abis makan definitely putting it in my agenda next time i go to PIM! ",0,silverlines tadi di pim udah sempet lirik mesra tapi baru abis makan definitely putting agenda next time go pim -"Marley and Me. I am crying like a kid, but a good movie. Have a good night people ",0,marley cry like kid good movie good night people -i've lost my favourite mac lipgloss...i'm so upset about it....i never lose things ,0,lost favourite mac lipgloss upset never lose thing -Pretty sure everything electrical in my house is slowly dying on me [Like I have enough money to replace all my stuff!!!],0,pretty sure everything electrical house slowly dying like enough money replace stuff -"Bed is *painfully* tempting right now, but if I take a nap I'll probably wake up at 4pm ",0,bed painfully tempting right take nap probably wake pm -is frustrated that Rudd cant facilitate private enterprise investing in our broadband infrastructure..instead he needs to waste our money ,0,frustrated rudd cant facilitate private enterprise investing broadband infrastructure instead need waste money -"@mercygrl oh wow, a little chubster. You cant invite ppl to play uno on facebook at the moment ",0,mercygrl oh wow little chubster cant invite ppl play uno facebook moment -"I want FFXII really bad, I never got a chance to play it. ",0,want ffxii really bad never got chance play -In the garage getting an estimate for the wheel damage on my car from Sunday's little mishap - not looking good! ,0,garage getting estimate wheel damage car sunday little mishap looking good -Bah! Hairline fracture in the impellor hub #titsuptuesday,0,bah hairline fracture impellor hub titsuptuesday -Morning everyone. Bad dream woke me up ,0,morning everyone bad dream woke -@meatrack no more sneaky late arvo surfs now man i feel the late arvo glass off is now a distant memory of summer.,0,meatrack sneaky late arvo surf man feel late arvo glass distant memory summer -can't sleep....i have to wake up in 4 hours ,0,sleep wake hour -@samdj1210 Unfortunately it didn't work. But thanks for the advice. I am bed ridden today ,0,samdj 0 unfortunately work thanks advice bed ridden today -Dear FBDimms please give me my 4GB of memory back.. I used to have 8 Running 90% full = crippled PC,0,dear fbdimms please give gb memory back used running 90 full crippled pc -searching for a job in Berlin in summer time...don't speak german... ,0,searching job berlin summer time speak german -Piccy coming soon -off to watch 90210. God i wanna move to america soo baadd ,0,piccy coming soon watch 90 0 god wan na move america soo baadd -"Oh no, it's a Harrods day now I really will be sick.",0,oh harrod day really sick -"@tombot18 Never mind, it didn't work anyway ",0,tombot never mind work anyway -has been sick and her back is veryyy bad. watching american history x. wanna watch american beauty though. buy it meeee.,0,sick back veryyy bad watching american history x wan na watch american beauty though buy meeee -Entered a online poker tournement against 49 others... finished 18th ,0,entered online poker tournement 9 others finished th -isnt very happy with twitter at the moment.. wont let me upload my picture wishing dougie or tom would reply to me..,0,isnt happy twitter moment wont let upload picture wishing dougie tom would reply -"trying to extend reading the watchmen by not reading it at all, i dont want it to end ",0,trying extend reading watchman reading dont want end -@lucygooesy haha nice barbie backgroud! he still hasnt replied lol,0,lucygooesy haha nice barbie backgroud still hasnt replied lol -well it sunny outside..... but im stuck indoors far far away from a window roll on dinner,0,well sunny outside im stuck indoors far far away window roll dinner -@Rhinecruise09 You're absolutely right ,0,rhinecruise09 absolutely right -back to bed for me ,0,back bed -"i have failed you, martha. ",0,failed martha -I don't want to be a grown up yet... ,0,want grown yet -as usual ... cooking what I hate ,0,usual cooking hate -"incredibly, immensely indecisive ",0,incredibly immensely indecisive -so my wish didn't come true go to hell carolina ,0,wish come true go hell carolina -yay! 2am and not a bit tired. ,0,yay bit tired -@boagworld The profile picture makes a happy return! I think I need a new promo picture ,0,boagworld profile picture make happy return think need new promo picture -"@fairy06 OMG WTF! Sure, he talks NOW. I'm at school. I don't have a phone... ",0,fairy0 omg wtf sure talk school phone -"@moony394 i'll miss him too, bb the episode seemed unimportant after foreteen found kutner, so i stopped watching.",0,moony 9 miss bb episode seemed unimportant foreteen found kutner stopped watching -except for the fact JW stuff is out and it rocks... shame I'm skint! ,0,except fact jw stuff rock shame skint -@taitaisanchez omg i know i am so sad ,0,taitaisanchez omg know sad -Ternyata hanya gue yang make twitter .... ,0,ternyata hanya gue yang make twitter -Being in pain as I have done my back in ,0,pain done back -@hippychick3 clarkes shoes don't fir her - they don't go small enough for her feet - we have to go to specialist shoe shops ,0,hippychick clarkes shoe fir go small enough foot go specialist shoe shop -"Off to work ahhhh, such is life for the poor & unknown... was thinking earlier how much loot that Miley Cyrus has at age 15 ...",0,work ahhhh life poor amp unknown thinking earlier much loot miley cyrus age -Sitting @seb and waiting for hours. Bad customer service ,0,sitting seb waiting hour bad customer service -"Finally wrapped. My body has literally broken down this evening. In bed, return of super fever ",0,finally wrapped body literally broken evening bed return super fever -@Yuddylicious He hatez me. ,0,yuddylicious hatez -I really should be sleeping already but just can't seem to get to bed before the sun comes up. Progress on sorting out life is slow+hard. ,0,really sleeping already seem get bed sun come progress sorting life slow hard -@jjprojects maybe a broken mbp from eBay? One with a broken screen or something. Good luck.,0,jjprojects maybe broken mbp ebay one broken screen something good luck -No O2 GPRS Anyone else with issues?,0,gprs anyone else issue -@Ryuoky No sun here and I was hoping to sit out on the balcony ,0,ryuoky sun hoping sit balcony -the maine- please out me to sleep! i have tests in the morning! ,0,maine please sleep test morning -WANTS TO BUY BIG BANG THEORY ON DVD!! byeeee.x,0,want buy big bang theory dvd byeeee x -Fucking boredom... Makes me wanna go have a smoke... ,0,fucking boredom make wan na go smoke -@kimberley_ lol awww! I want a cuddles now you almost made my eyes leak. love you too <3,0,kimberley lol awww want cuddle almost made eye leak love lt -Sleep for now then get up in 4 hours then a very busy week aghhhhh,0,sleep get hour busy week aghhhhh -@phil_hellmuth So sad ,0,phil hellmuth sad -"My cousins can't stop playing Frozen Bubble Twisted & Resco Bubble. Bye bye #N85, see you after a week or two ",0,cousin stop playing frozen bubble twisted amp resco bubble bye bye n see week two -Pure hurt my neck at the gym ,0,pure hurt neck gym -work time ,0,work time -I'm not ready for school yet ,0,ready school yet -Today's plan: driving back to Vienna: spring cleaning in my flat ,0,today plan driving back vienna spring cleaning flat -@HippyDi that's sad ,0,hippydi sad -"suck , when you know you haven't done anything wrong , but it feels like you have ",0,suck know done anything wrong feel like -@dian_yach I would love to swim but don't know how ,0,dian yach would love swim know -"Mmmm, i want eatser show on the 14th; not 15th this is bad for me Maddie D:",0,mmmm want eatser show th th bad maddie -"Today I'm really amazed (scared) by how many basic errors I find on e-commerce websites. Wrong error messages, no loading icons, etc. ",0,today really amazed scared many basic error find e commerce website wrong error message loading icon etc -why won't twitter let me change my picture? ,0,twitter let change picture -"@ZoeAimee I'm trying to research some dude for my english assignment that is due tomorrow, and my internet keeps freezing and won't load ",0,zoeaimee trying research dude english assignment due tomorrow internet keep freezing load -"just got up, pshhh going on the trampoline, even though I am all sore ",0,got pshhh going trampoline even though sore -Homework ,0,homework -@pmarnandus re: daily gossip.. well the twitter gossips are mostly from E! Online which I cannot access!! ,0,pmarnandus daily gossip well twitter gossip mostly e online access -http://twitpic.com/2y7bg - This is Ashley from Kick's afternoon show. He's not impressed with the Twitter ,0,http twitpic com bg ashley kick afternoon show impressed twitter -@islandiva147 I sent u a tweet yesterday but I don't know why it didn't work I guess you're sleeping right now I am working soon noon !!!,0,islandiva sent u tweet yesterday know work guess sleeping right working soon noon -English revision class ,0,english revision class -"Laptop died on me yesterday Have to reinstall, but its the perfect time to try out Windows 7 (beta)",0,laptop died yesterday reinstall perfect time try window beta -finalising annual report for 2008... Ugh ,0,finalising annual report 00 ugh -2 hrs need to go by quick ,0,hr need go quick -@shannanstedman haha i got to be up at 8 and sit through a 2 hr mass. umm like 2 ish ..is that alright? is that too late?,0,shannanstedman haha got sit hr mass umm like ish alright late -has got to go into college today in the holidays (((( !,0,got go college today holiday -"@DG8ball yeah? If you get spraying, I'm going to have to pay you to spray my M3 at some point. They dont to e46 M3's in white in europe, ",0,dg ball yeah get spraying going pay spray point dont e white europe -@NathnaelB I would love to be ill next week dude... but no pay ,0,nathnaelb would love ill next week dude pay -@Vixens not so innocent after all ,0,vixen innocent -What happened to last night's twits? They've gone and run away! ,0,happened last night twit gone run away -@BenjaminReid Your internet still down?? :O ,0,benjaminreid internet still -thinks she is going to be at this traffic light all night haha,0,think going traffic light night haha -Edict just been announced. No social networking using the office system OK Tweet this then evening chaps ,0,edict announced social networking using office system ok tweet evening chap -bored in tec ,0,bored tec -@spitorswallow wish I could...but the seasons don't change 365 days of the year. ,0,spitorswallow wish could season change day year -#heyxboxlive Probably shouldn't mention any show with Drew Carey considering what he's done to Major Nelson ,0,heyxboxlive probably mention show drew carey considering done major nelson -Man im too fucked to be in work ,0,man im fucked work -still in the business plan meeting.. Too many back to back presentations ,0,still business plan meeting many back back presentation -Sitting outside doctor's surgery so it's my turn now bah what a holiday !!!,0,sitting outside doctor surgery turn bah holiday -@Donniesbabe well its pishing here sun looks like it wants to break through hope it dows kids doing my head in !!!!!!,0,donniesbabe well pishing sun look like want break hope dows kid head -finally home... sooo tired.. ,0,finally home sooo tired -omg breech again *sob* ,0,omg breech sob -whitout friends ,0,whitout friend -"is pisses off, legs ++ feet in loads of pain, running from a old man who tryed too trash our tent :O ",0,piss leg foot load pain running old man tryed trash tent -not going swimming ,0,going swimming -@_Jaska Some things... they just never get old. http://tinyurl.com/holdisgiantcherry I miss Maya. ,0,jaska thing never get old http tinyurl com holdisgiantcherry miss maya -wants to go Shopping! ,0,want go shopping -"Making a short video, Windows movie maker has crashed for 20th time but my middle name is perseverence :p , should finish the video soon",0,making short video window movie maker crashed 0th time middle name perseverence p finish video soon -"@dougiemcfly @tommcfly good morning guys, how are you all? You know, it's frustrating, I never get a reply ",0,dougiemcfly tommcfly good morning guy know frustrating never get reply -@jardinjaponais *hugs* I hope your day gets better. Cell phone providers are made of suck ,0,jardinjaponais hug hope day get better cell phone provider made suck -"Rode river circuit, asthma hit hard :O Too wet to mow Amazed or amused that W/pac cr limit raised, celebrated with Coles' shop, etc. ;)",0,rode river circuit asthma hit hard wet mow amazed amused w pac cr limit raised celebrated cole shop etc -"ss favourite youtube clip, lightning mcqueen singing "barbie girl", has been taken down. ",0,s favourite youtube clip lightning mcqueen singing quot barbie girl quot taken -"@big_blue_wolf Not yet, no. Doubt I'll get a chance to until tonight. Work's mental, thanks to BT cutting off 70,000 customers today ",0,big blue wolf yet doubt get chance tonight work mental thanks bt cutting 0 000 customer today -Twitter was down when I went to bed last night. But now it back and so am I!,0,twitter went bed last night back -"try to use skimmer by fallon for the first time... like the overwiev and style, would be cool ig you could browse the photos ",0,try use skimmer fallon first time like overwiev style would cool ig could browse photo -"@livinginfiction outdoors man..can't get to the gym this week, no time no time dinner soon babe! early next week? or brunch sunday.",0,livinginfiction outdoors man get gym week time time dinner soon babe early next week brunch sunday -dramaa assignmenting is gay. too sick but i have to do it ,0,dramaa assignmenting gay sick -"@jetshun4 persons who read my twitter can't catch up for another week. Can't talk about it here. But yeah, saaaaad. ",0,jetshun person read twitter catch another week talk yeah saaaaad -"@redtoffee Strawberry is the absolute best Angel Delight EVA! I had chocolate once, but it was too sweet. ",0,redtoffee strawberry absolute best angel delight eva chocolate sweet -@marissamonotony why ,0,marissamonotony -@re303 Congrats!!! Bella misses you ,0,0 congrats bella miss -first cold night of the year ,0,first cold night year -"My friend Coco (Chris) had a party this weekend, and it seemed to have been awesome. FAIL. I wasnae there ",0,friend coco chris party weekend seemed awesome fail wasnae -hasnt done any work oh well!,0,hasnt done work oh well -my msn hates my guts. i wanted to go out tonight ,0,msn hate gut wanted go tonight -My dog passed away in the night full on gutted.,0,dog passed away night full gutted -"Mum just called, now my sister is in hospital ",0,mum called sister hospital -still at work ,0,still work -Still stuck with the Microsoft specialist... Won't this day ever end! ,0,still stuck microsoft specialist day ever end -Off to bed ... damn end of daylight savings - means my son will be awake at 5.30am ,0,bed damn end daylight saving mean son awake 0am -a day of nothing...bliss!! miss my boy tho ,0,day nothing bliss miss boy tho -Tonight's episode of #House incredibly sad. And it has nothing to do with Meatloaf's usual bad acting.,0,tonight episode house incredibly sad nothing meatloaf usual bad acting -Why is it so hot today?? ,0,hot today -Playing PKR online poker and has a headache ,0,playing pkr online poker headache -"is pissed off, running from that old man who tried too trash our tent has left me with the battle wombs ",0,pissed running old man tried trash tent left battle womb -"@elanorelle Niceee... we ran out of filter coffee art work , not good , forgot my bread to make toast bad start to the day",0,elanorelle niceee ran filter coffee art work good forgot bread make toast bad start day -"@alessandrod: dude.. hope you guys are alright, except the home/car ",0,alessandrod dude hope guy alright except home car -What a lousy day ... buh...,0,lousy day buh -@rakeman It was in the 80s F just last week! ,0,rakeman 0 f last week -just violated the tuners rule.. dont buy non-performance parts. sorry. ima buy the air filters next time..,0,violated tuner rule dont buy non performance part sorry ima buy air filter next time -@RoBaBaNks I can't sleep either ,0,robabanks sleep either -i have the flu ,0,flu -@theonewithkatie please! I need someone to go to IT with me. ,0,theonewithkatie please need someone go -"@CHRISDJMOYLES didnt get tickets live in MK, gutted xx",0,chrisdjmoyles didnt get ticket live mk gutted xx -@Deemaah but i offered to clean twice ,0,deemaah offered clean twice -"@pinkiecharm sorry, you musta got a bit.. sick of my dance tweets. Sorry to have you unfollow me ",0,pinkiecharm sorry musta got bit sick dance tweet sorry unfollow -Can't get past 43 in flight control http://twitpic.com/2y7f2,0,get past flight control http twitpic com f -"morning!! good mood, bad pain. lovely day for staying in bed again ",0,morning good mood bad pain lovely day staying bed -is a twitter loner!!! ,0,twitter loner -i can't breatheee... i hate being sick! ,0,breatheee hate sick -It is snowing in Tennessee too!! ,0,snowing tennessee -"@DreadKey I�m K.O'd .. battered and bruised! ... my arm .. The tambourine.., self conflicted pain! ",0,dreadkey k battered bruised arm tambourine self conflicted pain -i have to wake up in 5 hours laameeee,0,wake hour laameeee -my interwebs is so fraked up that I can google maps something on my iPhone (3bar GPRS ..no 3G!) faster than my 10Mbps cable connection! ,0,interwebs fraked google map something iphone bar gprs g faster 0mbps cable connection -"isn't feeling well, still don't get why people say they're pregnancy is the most beautifull time of they're life ",0,feeling well still get people say pregnancy beautifull time life -@sam_piroton hope so - I don't have an iPhone (@lauraoliver) ,0,sam piroton hope iphone lauraoliver -what is this?? I feel hotter.. I'm sicker than ever ,0,feel hotter sicker ever -@xguccishoesx Seems tony is away in Sheffield ,0,xguccishoesx seems tony away sheffield -@moony394 *huggggs* i'm glad you're here to help me through this he was my favourite character. the white house sucks for stealing him ,0,moony 9 huggggs glad help favourite character white house suck stealing -tomorrow is another day....damn tomorrow is already today ,0,tomorrow another day damn tomorrow already today -"Watching RealKidPoker (Daniel Negreanu) lose $160,000 in four hours real time via twitter. He's losing it ",0,watching realkidpoker daniel negreanu lose 0 000 four hour real time via twitter losing -Anticipating a slow empty boring summer ,0,anticipating slow empty boring summer -is off to Italy today! No more Starcraft for a couple of weeks though ,0,italy today starcraft couple week though -Awake ..why can't I sleep..... Got to work @ 6AM -4hours ,0,awake sleep got work hour -@karen230683 more shopping!!! sounds like a terrible plan hope you are not dragging your brother with you this time :p,0,karen 0 shopping sound like terrible plan hope dragging brother time p -@Dannymcfly haha! tell me about it!.. i dont get it either x,0,dannymcfly haha tell dont get either x -"@jaredleto i can't sleep i need to work on my speech about huka and youth, i hope i get the 10 full marks ",0,jaredleto sleep need work speech huka youth hope get 0 full mark -@janinesd no i'm poor. i am not an RN yet so i still have mobi!!! lol!!! ,0,janinesd poor rn yet still mobi lol -My search decks on tweetdeck are not working since yesterday - anyone else have this problem?,0,search deck tweetdeck working since yesterday anyone else problem -"@SmashleyPants Awwwww *virtual flowers, chocolates. hugs, and kisses* <3",0,smashleypants awwwww virtual flower chocolate hug kiss lt -"im awake people , got nothing to do today probably watch TV and get rid of all my programs on sky+ planner ( the joy NOT !!!! )",0,im awake people got nothing today probably watch tv get rid program sky planner joy -Out of stock on xbox 360 limied edition red Elite at the moment . I must have one! http://twitpic.com/2y7g0,0,stock xbox 0 limied edition red elite moment must one http twitpic com g0 -Morning all. Gave the cat his tablet this morning... What a mission that is! He knows what we're up to now and prepares for battle ,0,morning gave cat tablet morning mission know prepares battle -"@nicholasbraun aww no fair, you didn't check the pic i sent you ",0,nicholasbraun aww fair check pic sent -@heidimontag we don't get to see season 5 of hills till may ,0,heidimontag get see season hill till may -"Driving to my parents and chilling with them. Well the sun is shining, but I don't feel so well today ",0,driving parent chilling well sun shining feel well today -"@DavidT2006 Virgin again today, I'm afraid as I'm pushed for time. Having said that, I was delayed 40 mins at Brum ",0,davidt 00 virgin today afraid pushed time said delayed 0 min brum -has the biggest headache But a second job! Woo!,0,biggest headache second job woo -can't wait for bring me the horizonnn. too bad Curtis Ward is not in the band anymore ,0,wait bring horizonnn bad curtis ward band anymore -"No, that's not him in the picture. I don't have any pics yet ",0,picture pic yet -"Working rite now, but have a MASSIVE Headache building, and feeling very sick. .",0,working rite massive headache building feeling sick -@darkened_jade Yep.....WORK....started badly and has gone rapidly downhill! Story of my life to be honest ,0,darkened jade yep work started badly gone rapidly downhill story life honest - have to work on homework tmrw...,0,work homework tmrw -"@moony394 LOL ugh that's so ominous, i hope i don't have to cry over idol this week too. fox hates me ",0,moony 9 lol ugh ominous hope cry idol week fox hate -@mistystilletto if it had happened to anyone else i would have peed myself laughing. I scraped my leg ,0,mistystilletto happened anyone else would peed laughing scraped leg -@reldred yes #babypunch is totally addictive ,0,reldred yes babypunch totally addictive -I'm yet thinking of earthquake in Abruzzo(Italy) ,0,yet thinking earthquake abruzzo italy -think i need to start buying and using wrinkle cream ,0,think need start buying using wrinkle cream -"Oh man, I can't find a Tenori-On anywhere! What am I going to do?! ",0,oh man find tenori anywhere going -It really annoys me when I'm on msn on my 360 late at night watching a DVD and I fall asleep inadvertently. Damn it lukey ,0,really annoys msn 0 late night watching dvd fall asleep inadvertently damn lukey -finally home now... so hungry and now one is home ,0,finally home hungry one home -Suppose I should start revision and stop putting this mornings session off. Tweet soon ,0,suppose start revision stop putting morning session tweet soon -"@britneyspears just read up about the film, looks good!! Although we over here are gonna have to wait for it to come out ",0,britneyspears read film look good although gon na wait come -@GetSmart86 U watching Loser? I wanna cry for Sean ,0,getsmart u watching loser wan na cry sean -wants someone to come back ,0,want someone come back -Wishing I hadnt skipped breakfast this morning...hungry! ,0,wishing hadnt skipped breakfast morning hungry -@jamsandwich i was sniffling for the first time this year at 5am today....crappy isn't it ,0,jamsandwich sniffling first time year today crappy -@jsparsons I am starting my prep. for the PMP exam tomorrow. Can relate the feeling.,0,jsparsons starting prep pmp exam tomorrow relate feeling -@Izzy_Artest Miss you too... It's been too long! Come back!,0,izzy artest miss long come back -"Was going to make a site updates twitter account but nahh, it won't work ",0,going make site update twitter account nahh work -gaaa i want some peace and quiet! hard to find wen living with 6 people living in a small 3 bedroom unit! ,0,gaaa want peace quiet hard find wen living people living small bedroom unit -"Am gutted, checked weather report for the wrong day! No fishing for me today ",0,gutted checked weather report wrong day fishing today -@cadelofficial http://twitpic.com/2ved8 - I love mountains.. but i live in belgium.. ,0,cadelofficial http twitpic com ved love mountain live belgium -looks like baby is going to be born in PI ,0,look like baby going born pi -might go hiking in the big thicket in a couple weeks. what monsters are supposed to be in this area? chupacabra? i hope not ,0,might go hiking big thicket couple week monster supposed area chupacabra hope -Why are there kids shows on PBS right now? Its supposed to be Nature! ,0,kid show pb right supposed nature -I suck at French ,0,suck french -"@Cynnergies Yep, I also seem to get a real slowdown most evening after around 6pm GMT ",0,cynnergies yep also seem get real slowdown evening around pm gmt -all work and no play does not a happy Linda make Can't wait for the holidays!,0,work play happy linda make wait holiday -"Hates his pills, oh god why do they have to taste so fuckin horrible. 0,5 liter of coke to flush them down isnt even enough ",0,hate pill oh god taste fuckin horrible 0 liter coke flush isnt even enough -"@rainarcher can only fit 4 people max and its full otherwise, you know, it would be yours .. sowwi!",0,rainarcher fit people max full otherwise know would sowwi -@masterballerina haha but then u'd have 2 go to cambeltown. omg i can't even draw well in inkart.,0,masterballerina haha u go cambeltown omg even draw well inkart -I always get insomnia at the most inopportune times. ,0,always get insomnia inopportune time -you've all failed me ,0,failed -i can't enjoy the weather ,0,enjoy weather -I am officially alone on my Twitter ,0,officially alone twitter -ive been awake for so long it feels about 6pm meh ,0,ive awake long feel pm meh -@StevenGhysel That seems to be a problem with Twitter's timestamps. Not much we can do about it ,0,stevenghysel seems problem twitter timestamps much -"Well, this day... I would like to go out in the sun instead of sitting here looking at Excel... ",0,well day would like go sun instead sitting looking excel -When I get mine I�m going to do a tour of Copenhagen with it �;) Hmmph I can't top that .. must get thinking .. http://tinyurl.com/c2trgj,0,get mine going tour copenhagen hmmph top must get thinking http tinyurl com c trgj -"Just finished watching the new Heroes episode....God, I can't wait for next weeks episode Heroes FTW",0,finished watching new hero episode god wait next week episode hero ftw -Work is dragging... Pretty tired only got about 2 and a half hours sleep ,0,work dragging pretty tired got half hour sleep -"Urg,colds suck ",0,urg cold suck -Fta: anyone heard about this? wondering if anyone is carrying VOOM anymore or are they pretty much dead? http://tinyurl.com/ca6z8j,0,fta anyone heard wondering anyone carrying voom anymore pretty much dead http tinyurl com ca z j -Is happy because I annihilated a baby huntsman in my kitchen with the cooking pan..however this means a MAMA one may be in hiding FUCK!!!,0,happy annihilated baby huntsman kitchen cooking pan however mean mama one may hiding fuck -"About to go looking for shoes for my brother, looking forward to Torquay in April. Not as sunny as yesterday here ",0,go looking shoe brother looking forward torquay april sunny yesterday -"just woke up, late, again! I was supposed to wake up at 6am cause there are lots of things to do... late homework mostly. ",0,woke late supposed wake cause lot thing late homework mostly -"is boarding EK348 - as usual, no upgrade from EK Colombo ",0,boarding ek usual upgrade ek colombo -missed some good oppertunities... ,0,missed good oppertunities -@moony394 it must be because i slash their characters sighhh gonna go sleep and dream happy things about kutner,0,moony 9 must slash character sighhh gon na go sleep dream happy thing kutner -"Babies a bit sick poor honey. Having a relaxing day otherwise in Israel, enjoying all the fam.",0,baby bit sick poor honey relaxing day otherwise israel enjoying fam -Best birthday ever. Untill the house sold. ,0,best birthday ever untill house sold -Nothings worse than planning on going to the mall with no money Damn Unheavens Dunks,0,nothing worse planning going mall money damn unheavens dunk -Does Not Want co-worker's various lurgies ,0,want co worker various lurgies -"@JamboTheJourno I am indeed, the one with my RLC interview in. Good stuff, thought I'd finally found something no-one else had ",0,jambothejourno indeed one rlc interview good stuff thought finally found something one else -"linkedin is being really mongy for me tonight... in fact it has just sat spinning, doing nothing a few times recently ",0,linkedin really mongy tonight fact sat spinning nothing time recently -Working too Need a break too!!!!,0,working need break -"What A Mistake Buying That Dress, I Dont Even Want To Go To Grad Anymore ",0,mistake buying dress dont even want go grad anymore -"is back in Byron Bay @cafe Fresh, missing all my Melbourne friends ",0,back byron bay cafe fresh missing melbourne friend -@Muzzzza ur as bad as @KateEdwards ,0,muzzzza ur bad kateedwards -@tombot18 Oh dear. That means I won't be driven away to do something more productive ,0,tombot oh dear mean driven away something productive -"bugger, the spray paint just showed up, i spose that means no riding and doing work for me now sad day!",0,bugger spray paint showed spose mean riding work sad day -"got up, an hou ago, now lerning again. really boring stuff ",0,got hou ago lerning really boring stuff -@leepeesa Story of my life-stop looking and icaisfrank comes again ... What is this I read about a vet visit??? Memories/photos may help?,0,leepeesa story life stop looking icaisfrank come read vet visit memory photo may help -"@lwmedium It is, apparently the Chinese government put pressure on The SA one not to let him in. Whole Peace conference was canceled ",0,lwmedium apparently chinese government put pressure sa one let whole peace conference canceled -Nothin like throwin up on your customers front door ,0,nothin like throwin customer front door -@J_xox Laterr hunn!! Arghh hope i dont miss any tweets lol..Gunna be at my nans later!! Nooo byeeee x x x,0,j xox laterr hunn arghh hope dont miss tweet lol gunna nan later nooo byeeee x x x -"@xissyx we can't go to robina, all the shops will be closed because its good friday ",0,xissyx go robina shop closed good friday -"@acummings I've got return tickets booked for this weekend If the exchange rate wasn't so bad I'd go, but don't mind missing it really.",0,acummings got return ticket booked weekend exchange rate bad go mind missing really -Laying in bed and contemplating the meaning of life with a half empty glass that is leaking on the bottom. ,0,laying bed contemplating meaning life half empty glass leaking bottom -Something's wrong. I keep getting some error graphic instead of the music player when i go to a musician's myspace page now. ,0,something wrong keep getting error graphic instead music player go musician myspace page -Not good.....Munchkinster is not feeling well ,0,good munchkinster feeling well -@carobode i'm starting to have an headache too.. Am @ school & i'm so sleepy got work 2 do this AM?,0,carobode starting headache school amp sleepy got work -"@holmpat Morning Pat! Another one in sunny spain? Except its not sunny here today, cloudy and raining. ",0,holmpat morning pat another one sunny spain except sunny today cloudy raining -The Mighty Tap are doing a one-date world tour but I will have a newborn http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/7985487.stm,0,mighty tap one date world tour newborn http news bbc co uk hi entertainment 9 stm -ahhh!! my webcam is messed up and won't turn on! ,0,ahhh webcam messed turn -@fragilemuse the book is awesome. there are some other great works in there too. couldn't afford to buy it today tho ,0,fragilemuse book awesome great work afford buy today tho -@andrewwright yeah that's what I was thinking. Would love to get your feedback on my creative. Will DM you when dentist has finished ,0,andrewwright yeah thinking would love get feedback creative dm dentist finished -"Big, capacious wooden kitchen island 120x240 metric - thought I was buying it but we're not Photos &c on request if you're interested.",0,big capacious wooden kitchen island 0x 0 metric thought buying photo amp c request interested -i just grew another chin ,0,grew another chin -I'm in a confused state whether to implement a tab interface in the application currently i'm working in. ,0,confused state whether implement tab interface application currently working -"My sister's kitty Eva had three baby-kittens yesterday, but something is wrong with her and needs to go to the vet ",0,sister kitty eva three baby kitten yesterday something wrong need go vet -@captainjohnhart Most people don't realise how much they'd miss it if they couldn't do it any more ,0,captainjohnhart people realise much miss -"@_GERM damn it, it's so true i need help!",0,germ damn true need help -needs a ride to work im not liking the pospect of the 84 bus!,0,need ride work im liking pospect bus -drinking milk+being on youtube+lonely || Emiliiee?!,0,drinking milk youtube lonely emiliiee -"@FadyAnwar its sad cause that was the last GSM company owned by Egyptians, also Orascom was inforced to sell its share to FC ",0,fadyanwar sad cause last gsm company owned egyptian also orascom inforced sell share fc -read a word he didn't know and felt his brain preparing to go for the 5-way controller before remembering that real books don't have them ,0,read word know felt brain preparing go way controller remembering real book -Its bad that we cant buy it here ,0,bad cant buy -"these days i don't feel like twittering, don't know why...",0,day feel like twittering know -Man I want some Nike Air Yeezy's but as i don't live in states have no chance in hell Ahh well spend the $200 on 2 pairs of sb's instead!,0,man want nike air yeezy live state chance hell ahh well spend 00 pair sb instead -Frankfurt three times but I dont understand it ,0,frankfurt three time dont understand -Three days since my last tweet and no concern? I could have been dead peeps! The reality is I forgot my password ,0,three day since last tweet concern could dead peep reality forgot password -"@cocoy A person who's genuinely interested in English, Filipino, programming, and teaching should make that paper. Oh wait, that's me. ",0,cocoy person genuinely interested english filipino programming teaching make paper oh wait -"@jonpaulkaiser I'm probably worse than you lol so sorry, these photos are seriously long overdue last time I buy a Sony cam: rubbish!",0,jonpaulkaiser probably worse lol sorry photo seriously long overdue last time buy sony cam rubbish -@Deemaah but I thought I did Not my fault that you dont pay attention to my genitals!,0,deemaah thought fault dont pay attention genitals -@overheardatmoo Wish I could have participated this time ,0,overheardatmoo wish could participated time -Oh i received an answer for a ticket that is 6!!!!!! month old. This is really really fast #cob #ticket,0,oh received answer ticket month old really really fast cob ticket -I just found out I was unsuccessful in applying for the Hampshire Probation job #fb,0,found unsuccessful applying hampshire probation job fb -"@Claire_S Will you be videoing or streaming or podcasting, Tweeting or anything else? Can't make it unfortunately. ",0,claire videoing streaming podcasting tweeting anything else make unfortunately -has got work again today ,0,got work today -@ollyog Well not far from the station by the looks of it just head there ;) I'm actually jealous would love to be in Belgium right now ,0,ollyog well far station look head actually jealous would love belgium right -Insomnia kickin in I hate this!!!,0,insomnia kickin hate -@Laura6476 no im not we are gunna go this hols though. i really want to see him ,0,laura im gunna go hols though really want see -dropped one of the earbuds of my sennheiser in my tea i really hope its gonna work again :'(,0,dropped one earbuds sennheiser tea really hope gon na work -"Ugh coffee please! Being at work at 6.45 is not good for my brain, it is now officialy melting ",0,ugh coffee please work good brain officialy melting -"@ambermatson It's terrible isn't it. Don't expect many earthquakes in Euruope, certainly not bad ones ",0,ambermatson terrible expect many earthquake euruope certainly bad one -@binncheol you should listen to some music by this dude called andy hull and afew other blokes. I even hear they're playing ldn tomorrow!,0,binncheol listen music dude called andy hull afew bloke even hear playing ldn tomorrow -No snoo-snoo for you ,0,snoo snoo -the computers might be operational but there still isn't much to do ,0,computer might operational still much -"I think the WiFi on my iPhone is broken. It will "connect", but when I actually have to use it that's another story... ",0,think wifi iphone broken quot connect quot actually use another story -@lejeff oh pants! I'm hanging out with the old folks back in England Defo b up 4 1 when I get back. tho ,0,lejeff oh pant hanging old folk back england defo b get back tho -Watching death race....found out sandra cantu is dead ,0,watching death race found sandra cantu dead -pizza night and i feel too sick ,0,pizza night feel sick -is playing basketball today? lol. i wanna go to the pub ,0,playing basketball today lol wan na go pub -"@FrumiousMe T'was the antibiotics for root canal. Will take Polaramine tonight for hives, other symptoms have gone now thank goodness.",0,frumiousme antibiotic root canal take polaramine tonight hive symptom gone thank goodness -is not impressed with the rain- I wanted to go market shopping bleh.,0,impressed rain wanted go market shopping bleh -@choadmalma i wish i could link things as good as you ,0,choadmalma wish could link thing good -yep...it's been 6 weeks A lady at our church is watching her.,0,yep week lady church watching -"@darraghdoyle ah pox, say it isn't so ",0,darraghdoyle ah pox say -it's raining outside. looks like snow but it's raining ,0,raining outside look like snow raining -@mousenator cry? ,0,mousenator cry -@andy_cyrus im still awake too lol cant sleep glad your up tho (:,0,andy cyrus im still awake lol cant sleep glad tho -@kellymreynolds yep...it's been 6 weeks A lady at our church is watching her.,0,kellymreynolds yep week lady church watching -"@JasonVonBerg I've advertised on our blog, through career sites and used agencies... not sure how else I can go about it.... ",0,jasonvonberg advertised blog career site used agency sure else go -@iamnipper last week they've got the bike minus a saddle,0,iamnipper last week got bike minus saddle -@justagirl79 That's great about your license! Wish you'd got the rest of it back. ,0,justagirl 9 great license wish got rest back -pissed coz a friend is to busy to see me2day ,0,pissed coz friend busy see day -coffee @33 is turning into Starbucks (feral children-wise) ,0,coffee turning starbucks feral child wise -"@achmadsirman yeah i am, infact the spray paint is for the mutt, i got real delayed with some problems so not finished either yet ",0,achmadsirman yeah infact spray paint mutt got real delayed problem finished either yet -At my mama ji's place.. everybody keeps giving me new options to study or work now. i get more confused with each passing day.. ,0,mama ji place everybody keep giving new option study work get confused passing day -@axon those got cancelled Now everybody else is rattling my brains & makin me cuss something terrible!!,0,axon got cancelled everybody else rattling brain amp makin cuss something terrible -tiredd nothing to do today ,0,tiredd nothing today -@gvenk Thanks! @AlexanderNL Sorry ,0,gvenk thanks alexandernl sorry -Mew Today is a prescribed opiate day me thinks - grr ,0,mew today prescribed opiate day think grr -@ladybug27 Damn! I missed out? Why didn't you invite me? ,0,ladybug damn missed invite -@RellyAB will likely be unable to attend - crying all the way home ,0,rellyab likely unable attend cry way home -@spanx except I missed last weeks S.Lee and now it's gone from iPlayer ,0,spanx except missed last week lee gone iplayer -@jamrock where did Top Cat go? ,0,jamrock top cat go -has got a cold coming how shite!!,0,got cold coming shite -@kev_nz LOL better let aboy021 know if he's doing the deploy before his 9:30 bedtime. Hope you are feeling better. Being sick sux ,0,kev nz lol better let aboy0 know deploy 9 0 bedtime hope feeling better sick sux -not able to sleep. ,0,able sleep -"That was it folks, spring's gone and winter is back...it's snowing outside ",0,folk spring gone winter back snowing outside -pissed coz a friend is too busy to see me2day ,0,pissed coz friend busy see day -@Bradqb13 I know the feeling man. Just lay low for a while. Some people are just like that ... ,0,bradqb know feeling man lay low people like -"weather cloudy again, everyday same time rainy ",0,weather cloudy everyday time rainy -is revising ,0,revising -@catvix I am? News to me. And sorry to hear about the job ,0,catvix news sorry hear job -"Red Jaguars, Blue Barracudas, Green Monkeys, Orange Iguanas, Purple Parrots and Silver Snakes... remember Legends of the Hiddent Temple? ",0,red jaguar blue barracuda green monkey orange iguana purple parrot silver snake remember legend hiddent temple -"@hairpins haha well what makes you think you don't use big words too? SADISTIC! :p what did i say any way? and no i don't, sorry babe ",0,hairpin haha well make think use big word sadistic p say way sorry babe -"@Frumph I'd hug you, too! Poor Frumph..... ",0,frumph hug poor frumph -Andre Riue on neighbours..what has the world come to...internets down lol,0,andre riue neighbour world come internet lol -"Looks like rain today, bet it buckets down as soon as I step outside front door, always the way !!!!, downhill all the way from today ",0,look like rain today bet bucket soon step outside front door always way downhill way today -@renee_66 okie dokie! do you wanna ask ash and tegan and yasmin? i asked nicole but she said she cant ,0,renee okie dokie wan na ask ash tegan yasmin asked nicole said cant -Coughing up a lung - again ! I've had this on and off since Xmas ,0,coughing lung since xmas -ive got a poorly tongue after i burnt it on my Chilli last night Had a lovely day yday to.. thanks guys!,0,ive got poorly tongue burnt chilli last night lovely day yday thanks guy -Im up guys lloll,0,im guy lloll -@odo_snape_maven owwie! the dictation software won't pick up whispering eh? i know Meleney has it but dunno how good sound pickup is.,0,odo snape maven owwie dictation software pick whispering eh know meleney dunno good sound pickup -@lauraEchilds fine I wont make it up to you check your dm?,0,lauraechilds fine wont make check dm -quite sick going to doctor now ,0,quite sick going doctor -bad day ,0,bad day -Taking the rents to the airport...not excited about being up this early.Have to go to work at 8. ,0,taking rent airport excited early go work -"just poked herself in the eye the mascara but i love mascara, its a god sent",0,poked eye mascara love mascara god sent -"@MichAtagana Shame, what's wrong? ",0,michatagana shame wrong -I've just got my streetcar essay back from Jerry and its still no good... ah man this is gonna be a bad day ,0,got streetcar essay back jerry still good ah man gon na bad day -Tonights episode of house was sad I can't believe he left the show! I can't stay awake anymore I'm mad tired. Had a long day. Sleep time!,0,tonight episode house sad believe left show stay awake anymore mad tired long day sleep time -"It's 5:23 and I've been sitting around barely watching I'm Not There. I really wanted to see that movie, but I keep getting distracted. ",0,sitting around barely watching really wanted see movie keep getting distracted -"Last day at home today Catching the train at 10am tomorrow. Has been a nice break! But now I need some breakfast, a shower and a shave!",0,last day home today catching train 0am tomorrow nice break need breakfast shower shave -"has a poorly cat at home, i want to be their to hold her fur back and pass her tissues ",0,poorly cat home want hold fur back pas tissue -"@chester_see Yes, I often take the risk of running down the DLR steps but today I just missed that last step and twisted my ankle. ",0,chester see yes often take risk running dlr step today missed last step twisted ankle -Why does it take so long to go through one lecture which only took 52 mins to give?! and it's sunny outside. Someone is mocking me ,0,take long go one lecture took min give sunny outside someone mocking -Another assignment to be done! an dinner with dad tomoz! ,0,another assignment done dinner dad tomoz -@JenMcJ will check it out. Just want a couple to read while away. New one at Liquid Silver. Just some GOOD reads-read some rubbish lately ,0,jenmcj check want couple read away new one liquid silver good read read rubbish lately -Working but looking 4ward 2 thailand and this weeks bank holiday weekend!,0,working looking ward thailand week bank holiday weekend -Ewww cookies and cola dont mix well together...My tummy hurts now ,0,ewww cooky cola dont mix well together tummy hurt -@childrensjewell so damn annoying when that happens isn't it?? Hope she doesn't copy your work ,0,childrensjewell damn annoying happens hope copy work -Eminem We Made You is GAWBAGE[/Rosci] ! Imma cop Asher Roth's album instead fuck em on his "ass like that " flow,0,eminem made gawbage rosci imma cop asher roth album instead fuck em quot as like quot flow -Beeen Awake for awile.. Sick ,0,beeen awake awile sick -"@mokshjuneja yesh it's a bank holiday but everyone else is working. trains, traffic, everything screwed as usual ",0,mokshjuneja yesh bank holiday everyone else working train traffic everything screwed usual -bleh. i strongly dislike working at 5:45am everyday. ,0,bleh strongly dislike working everyday -Headache. Still a little sleepy! I miss ma babyy soo damn much right noww WAKEE UPP!,0,headache still little sleepy miss babyy soo damn much right noww wakee upp -Flight of the Conchords album has *vanished* from Spotify What gives @spotify_com ?,0,flight conchords album vanished spotify give spotify com -@LeahEarnshaw awww I'm sorry ,0,leahearnshaw awww sorry -Spring is finally here! Cherry Blossoms galore! Such a shame they are so temporary ,0,spring finally cherry blossom galore shame temporary -head got bashed by a door today. ,0,head got bashed door today -@MilkyMooMoo yuk! end of year accounts I need to make a start of mine too!,0,milkymoomoo yuk end year account need make start mine -This is amazing. But I can only get 41 words per minute http://play.typeracer.com/,0,amazing get word per minute http play typeracer com -"@flowersophy I slept so much when I was a little girl! I just started to not sleep as well, when I turned 20 ",0,flowersophy slept much little girl started sleep well turned 0 -why do friends feast while you are on fast ,0,friend feast fast -Bored of Sims for today Still thinking of a name for me and Lukes youtube account to post our awesome new vid on ideas people!!,0,bored sims today still thinking name luke youtube account post awesome new vid idea people -i want to be trendy ,0,want trendy -tierd whats pt swagger mean.. i love the sound of it,0,tierd whats pt swagger mean love sound -feels like i have neglected twilight im sorry lol,0,feel like neglected twilight im sorry lol -"@Katestar Oh yes, extremely fun when whoever you talk to actually doesn't want to talk to you... I'm so lonely ",0,katestar oh yes extremely fun whoever talk actually want talk lonely -"Added the DNS system, compatibility is okay and am looking forward to the possibilities now open. But I need to rework the intro sequence ",0,added dns system compatibility okay looking forward possibility open need rework intro sequence -No cold water tap in our bathroom I miss my cold water,0,cold water tap bathroom miss cold water -Another shoe throwing incident! journalist jarnail singh threw a shoe at Home minister chidambaram!! bt missed target ,0,another shoe throwing incident journalist jarnail singh threw shoe home minister chidambaram bt missed target -Broke my tooth yesterday it feels like it's spilt in half.,0,broke tooth yesterday feel like spilt half -@Wonginator i wish i was on spring break... ,0,wonginator wish spring break -@theresaxo I still can't believe you have to move. I will be over after work to help paint. aww RIP your walllllll ,0,theresaxo still believe move work help paint aww rip walllllll -@justanotherjerk I wanna c "No Doubt" soooo bad!!! ,0,justanotherjerk wan na c quot doubt quot soooo bad -Aw - Snapcase arent getting back together... I must have dreamt it ,0,aw snapcase arent getting back together must dreamt -"@JonathanRKnight You sure did do some tweets, and i missed them glad to see you're enjoying urself, always nice to hear from you. x",0,jonathanrknight sure tweet missed glad see enjoying urself always nice hear x -Wishing we had fast internet NOW....not in 8 years! http://bit.ly/I72Oi,0,wishing fast internet year http bit ly oi -Getting ready for work... 6:30-3:15.. ..,0,getting ready work 0 -stooopppiddd Abbey National!! i need to get dosh out and its blooming shut! ,0,stooopppiddd abbey national need get dosh blooming shut -@imagethief I know where you found that... But your URL is so much tinier than mine ,0,imagethief know found url much tinier mine -"finding it incredibly unfair that mom got more tan than i, even though i spent more time in the sun miss him like crazy!",0,finding incredibly unfair mom got tan even though spent time sun miss like crazy -"@Dr_Black yes, i was invited but will be in San Francisco. Very sorry to miss it ",0,dr black yes invited san francisco sorry miss -My DotA ladder stats on GArena don't seem to have been updated ,0,dota ladder stats garena seem updated -Leanne is angry at me ,0,leanne angry -@MichAtagana Ahh I'm sorry There's a nasty virus going around apparently...Shame Atagana! ,0,michatagana ahh sorry nasty virus going around apparently shame atagana -"Amber i don't know how often you check this, but i really miss you right now. Like, really really. So friggen much i want a hug </Beth>",0,amber know often check really miss right like really really friggen much want hug lt beth gt -Ate too many Oreos yesterday. Feel very sick today ,0,ate many oreo yesterday feel sick today -"@mauricedb I tried the Sitecom one to, but felt to toy-like ",0,mauricedb tried sitecom one felt toy like -I will never like getting up at 5 am dumb work schedule.,0,never like getting dumb work schedule -need cuddling now ,0,need cuddling -"http://tr.im/imOv �i, b�c H?i Tho?i th? l� gi� t? cu?c ??i r?i ( M�nh v?n c�n nh? c�i nh� t?p th? b� t� c?a b�c � ? ch? Tr?i ",0,http tr im imov b c h tho th l gi cu c r nh v n c n nh c nh p th b c b c ch tr -Awww my Whitestrips are not staying on ,0,awww whitestrips staying -soluna is slower than accord ,0,soluna slower accord -@Contendo shit... that's horrible! poor kid... ,0,contendo shit horrible poor kid -Btw Eventbox is available for free on Macheist for every visitors. Unfortunately I switched to Tweetdeck http://macheist.com,0,btw eventbox available free macheist every visitor unfortunately switched tweetdeck http macheist com -my back is in bits ,0,back bit -"hmm, so the sun shining brightly thru my curtains lit up my room n woke me up cnt sleep nw, 10 is way too early to wake up! ",0,hmm sun shining brightly thru curtain lit room n woke cnt sleep nw 0 way early wake -hates maths tuition on a holiday..wanted to sync my i-pod with the latest tracks nd podcasts ! Will have to wait until im bck #fb,0,hate math tuition holiday wanted sync pod latest track nd podcasts wait im bck fb -V?a b� d?y kh?i gi??ng. M?t qu� ,0,v b kh gi ng qu -@garcevisage Aww did your mic work at all?,0,garcevisage aww mic work -"@Gemmaface Awww Gemma, I hope you're not ",0,gemmaface awww gemma hope -Where's my 'search' bar? How come Aoife got one and I didn't? Twitter must like her better than me ,0,search bar come aoife got one twitter must like better -@suilin nobuuuuuuu!!! you evil evil girl ,0,suilin nobuuuuuuu evil evil girl -I wish I were playing Reindeer Games up at Fowler... ,0,wish playing reindeer game fowler -trying to write an essay in english. Painful ,0,trying write essay english painful -@missymoouk Oh No!! I know. I haven't cried that much since Wham split up.....,0,missymoouk oh know cried much since wham split -mommy... is school closed today? ,0,mommy school closed today -@WestEndActress nooo u shudent have deleted it x,0,westendactress nooo u shudent deleted x -"@kaitlinmonroe Aw, that sounds so fun! I'm so bummed that I missed it Did you get to meet anyone?",0,kaitlinmonroe aw sound fun bummed missed get meet anyone -trying to check my phone bill online seems like it doesn't like me though! ,0,trying check phone bill online seems like like though -Manu Ginobili is out for the rest of the season and the playoffs ,0,manu ginobili rest season playoff -"Yeh totally dig FireBug but enuff is enuff, gonna start using Safari4/Charles + ditch FF and see how debugging goes, too many FF crashes ",0,yeh totally dig firebug enuff enuff gon na start using safari charles ditch ff see debugging go many ff crash -Sad movies make me think of things that I don't really wanna think about ,0,sad movie make think thing really wan na think -I wish there was something for dinner. ,0,wish something dinner -Im up... I slept an hour last night... Death.... ,0,im slept hour last night death -"off to pick up the dog, doctor's note, and back to work ",0,pick dog doctor note back work -"just been given ma marching orders, gotta go do some work, yay ",0,given marching order got ta go work yay -"moving moving moving, keep those boxes moving, Rawhide!! think i've gone delirious from moving ",0,moving moving moving keep box moving rawhide think gone delirious moving -Why is Changes by 2Pac not on iTunes? Boo ,0,change pac itunes boo -"ugh. stupid bug in SpamAssassin rule-QA backend discovered, it's going to take some fixing at some point. adding to the TODO list ",0,ugh stupid bug spamassassin rule qa backend discovered going take fixing point adding todo list -@babyvtec yeah.. Hw ,0,babyvtec yeah hw -handyman just cancelled on me ,0,handyman cancelled -hi twiitters i ammm sooooo tired right nowwww . FALLING ASLEEP ON MSN ! i am thinking a less lazy day today ;P xx,0,hi twiitters ammm sooooo tired right nowwww falling asleep msn thinking le lazy day today p xx -fed up of being ill ,0,fed ill -wow. everyone has abandoned twitter ,0,wow everyone abandoned twitter -"just been given ma marching orders, gotta go do some work, yay ",0,given marching order got ta go work yay -"@andrerib Oh, today it is not possible for me Family matters, but i will try to attend next !",0,andrerib oh today possible family matter try attend next -gd mornin world. i hav a cold.. my throat is burnin! ,0,gd mornin world hav cold throat burnin -Morning people. Away to get some breakfast and then sort myself out and then must start on HWm no lazing about today Xx,0,morning people away get breakfast sort must start hwm lazing today xx -Guess I should go to bed... Have to be up in 5.5 hours... haven't been able to sleep lately too stressed about website not being done yet ,0,guess go bed hour able sleep lately stressed website done yet -@aventure That's windows for you... I get to deal with about 20 windows servers and 180 windows machines misbehaving every day.. shoot me,0,aventure window get deal 0 window server 0 window machine misbehaving every day shoot -@babyvtec geez it's so late for you!! Good luck at work tomorrow I am soooo knackered too. Love you!,0,babyvtec geez late good luck work tomorrow soooo knackered love -"just been given ma marching orders, gotta go do some work, yay......... ",0,given marching order got ta go work yay -@DanaEatsYou hahaha im sorry i didnt mean to. and you're supposed to film the day of silly! thats cheating doing it the day before!,0,danaeatsyou hahaha im sorry didnt mean supposed film day silly thats cheating day -"@DonnieWahlberg Wise words but life sometimes doesn't work out as you plan, life has a habit of kicking you when you're down. ",0,donniewahlberg wise word life sometimes work plan life habit kicking -Gosh It is raining in summer cause of the global warming?,0,gosh raining summer cause global warming -@Pigman i love the cooler trenchcoat weather!! but DNW the darker evenings as it's scary to run at night ,0,pigman love cooler trenchcoat weather dnw darker evening scary run night - i close my eyes nd i see your face..:/ whens it gonna stop? ::sigh times 5::,0,close eye nd see face whens gon na stop sigh time -I have packed off hubby to Bristol! Missing him already ,0,packed hubby bristol missing already -Doing homework ,0,homework -@HopeOk but i will be soon. -dies-,0,hopeok soon dy -"@rustyrockets I'll give you a fiver towards the fine - not much, but Im skint from paying for Al Darlings eyebrow waxing ",0,rustyrockets give fiver towards fine much im skint paying al darling eyebrow waxing -"Hmm, A request for me to feature an app on my site from a "Merketing Specialist" (sic) addressed to "Dear Editor!" Oh dear ",0,hmm request feature app site quot merketing specialist quot sic addressed quot dear editor quot oh dear -@nishitd NO! I missed everything.. 1/4 onwards. Stupid work getting in the way of tennis. ,0,nishitd missed everything onwards stupid work getting way tennis -Thought this being a 4-day week would make Tuesday more bearable. I was wrong ,0,thought day week would make tuesday bearable wrong -I'm more tired than a very tired thing today. ,0,tired tired thing today -@Mark_Mulligan Exactly! That was the core of my concept for Virgin. Just a shame the money ran out before we could realise it ,0,mark mulligan exactly core concept virgin shame money ran could realise -@jonathanchong I could do with a long week ,0,jonathanchong could long week -"@ambermatson Yes, seems to have been much worse than normal over past few months ",0,ambermatson yes seems much worse normal past month -just found the most gorgeous pair of vintage dior sunglasses... they are �125 though ,0,found gorgeous pair vintage dior sunglass though -"I am a work martyr. Give me chocolate, coffee and sympathy. And now my cat's decided she's dying ",0,work martyr give chocolate coffee sympathy cat decided dying -"nothing much, not well, in bed all day!!! ",0,nothing much well bed day -Looking at the rain fall in Rotterdam.. ,0,looking rain fall rotterdam -@eoghanquigg wish i could but i'm no where near belfast -- love the new song btw!,0,eoghanquigg wish could near belfast love new song btw -fever has started anyone have any miracle cures for a cold?,0,fever started anyone miracle cure cold -"I have just really, really splattered the bowl ",0,really really splattered bowl -Why do most videos i play skip and jump ,0,video play skip jump -is hungover and just wants to stay in bed all day ?,0,hungover want stay bed day -I just set up a Twitter profile for one of my colleagues and noticed he's got a much more swish sidebar - how do I get that? ,0,set twitter profile one colleague noticed got much swish sidebar get -Had a great 21st birthday but is sick as with the flu ,0,great st birthday sick flu -@fromthestars I WANNA GO TO AN AMUSEMENT PARK. EK is getting tired. :|,0,fromthestars wan na go amusement park ek getting tired -"Just had myself as driving lesson, went pretty well. Need to stop crossing my hands over on the wheel apparently though, bad times ",0,driving lesson went pretty well need stop crossing hand wheel apparently though bad time -"Found a nice lake-side park with a small beach, but . . . no grills Oh well . . . I'll have to keep looking - another time.",0,found nice lake side park small beach grill oh well keep looking another time -@billbeckett Did you know tai means shit in indonesian. ,0,billbeckett know tai mean shit indonesian -"is dreading tomorrow I HATE hospitals, especially when it's your baby that is the patient.",0,dreading tomorrow hate hospital especially baby patient -not feeling so hot ,0,feeling hot -"@jedi58 Yup. The whole game was amazing technically, it looked great. Gutted I sold the game and my original Xbox now actually. ",0,jedi yup whole game amazing technically looked great gutted sold game original xbox actually -is not looking forward to working today ,0,looking forward working today -"Blooming great, change of weather now I have a cold, just my luck, don't seem to be having much luck lately... life sucks at the mo ",0,blooming great change weather cold luck seem much luck lately life suck mo -@playandstay Well i've actually only been to Thorpe Park So I'm sooo looking forward to Alton Towers!,0,playandstay well actually thorpe park sooo looking forward alton tower -WANTS TO GO OUT BADLY ,0,want go badly -this is way to early to go to work ,0,way early go work -@bradiewebbstack sway sway tour in julyyyyy! exitedd muchh follow me pleaseeee? i need more followerss ,0,bradiewebbstack sway sway tour julyyyyy exitedd muchh follow pleaseeee need followers -Living on Neurofen for another day. Please go away headache. ,0,living neurofen another day please go away headache -is gonna start revising for exams in May ,0,gon na start revising exam may -@LadyErlynne awwww. you could always post in the Transfig classroom with Sharmila,0,ladyerlynne awwww could always post transfig classroom sharmila -I have to go to the library and get some books on the bloody was I really can't be bothered with these A levels anymore,0,go library get book bloody really bothered level anymore -nothinn nothings on tv maybe they've run out of programs,0,nothinn nothing tv maybe run program -"@RetraceLady @djslump Morning! Oh no, more of them? #terremoto #earthquake #italy",0,retracelady djslump morning oh terremoto earthquake italy -is seriously wondering what the Australian public were thinking by kicking my baby Kat off of SYTYCD! I miss her already...,0,seriously wondering australian public thinking kicking baby kat sytycd miss already -so today is apparently cuddle up day. and i have no one to cuddle up with. ,0,today apparently cuddle day one cuddle -@erickaaa im at workkkk im freezing too i need a mass hug from you! can i call u 2night babe? xxx,0,erickaaa im workkkk im freezing need mass hug call u night babe xxx -"@Winetweat: sorry but follow us, we're going to publish pictures and video and sometimes also in english",0,winetweat sorry follow u going publish picture video sometimes also english -"@quinparker I find that, in this age of internettery, this is how you perfectly express sorrow and empathy for another's pain ",0,quinparker find age internettery perfectly express sorrow empathy another pain -ARGH finally figured out whats killing 'Inquizitor' games on Jailbroken devices. About 30 1 star reviews too late though! Fix on the way,0,argh finally figured whats killing inquizitor game jailbroken device 0 star review late though fix way -"Considering new business name, which means new logo and website. Finding it very difficult to pick a name though. Been 2 weeks #fail",0,considering new business name mean new logo website finding difficult pick name though week fail -Office time.!! ,0,office time -@beatccr I can't wait to read that one...still waiting on my copy ,0,beatccr wait read one still waiting copy -having lunch on my desk while i work ,0,lunch desk work -wants an iphone ,0,want iphone -ITS APRIL! STOP SNOWING!!! ,0,april stop snowing -Trying to find the motivation to write some essays and finding it sad that my life revolves around essay writing ,0,trying find motivation write essay finding sad life revolves around essay writing -I heard he stopped singing. It's a shame� ? http://blip.fm/~3xath,0,heard stopped singing shame http blip fm xath -@theletterj Couldn't agree more. People keep stealing my elastic band ball ,0,theletterj agree people keep stealing elastic band ball -Stuck inside...poorly little people ,0,stuck inside poorly little people -@MizFitOnline Is ur host down? I'm getting nothin' ,0,mizfitonline ur host getting nothin -@lyn_ thanks hun.. didnt even no he was going to be on... pitty we couldnt see him sing ,0,lyn thanks hun didnt even going pitty couldnt see sing -@myrtti ouch,0,myrtti ouch -"I'm all snuffly and then hot and cold, tired and bunged up. Woe is me ",0,snuffly hot cold tired bunged woe -"Just a heads up. Site's being wonky, so will like probably post late today. Flippin technical issues. ",0,head site wonky like probably post late today flippin technical issue -@skinnylatte its a great article but quite sad. We are the saddest pinnacle of evolution ,0,skinnylatte great article quite sad saddest pinnacle evolution -Goodbye Jive test server - so very sorry to have to shut you down ,0,goodbye jive test server sorry shut -I'm up amy's coming around today so i have to clean my room ,0,amy coming around today clean room -finishing the tax return... instead of making some tracks or enjoying the sun... ,0,finishing tax return instead making track enjoying sun -be offline ,0,offline -hoping my new kitten is well - as she isn't eating or drinking - hopefully just stress of a new place ,0,hoping new kitten well eating drinking hopefully stress new place -@danielhcwong Taylor 814ce --> #&$(#&$!(@#$(!@#*$(#!( sweet mother of #@&$(!@#($*(!@#*$(!@#&$(!@#$&!(@#!#@($... my livie is only 2900 ,0,danielhcwong taylor ce gt amp amp sweet mother amp amp amp livie 900 -@elltotheice poor kid damn all those people who want to cut there grass �__� ahaha! 15days<3,0,elltotheice poor kid damn people want cut grass ahaha day lt -"I'm wish I wouldn't have drank coffee all day long, need sleep, must sleep, can't sleep ",0,wish drank coffee day long need sleep must sleep sleep -"is feeling even worse.. cold, cough, sore throat.. the works ",0,feeling even worse cold cough sore throat work -"finally have the vintage logo of greatness over here now...kinda tough to do right now w/o a home computer ... oh well, someday",0,finally vintage logo greatness kinda tough right w home computer oh well someday -is feeling weird today. happy and sad at the same time. and missing my people from italy ilyyy <3,0,feeling weird today happy sad time missing people italy ilyyy lt -"argh, there goes my plans for Friday... ",0,argh go plan friday -@heidimontag : i dont know im in the UK so isn't out here yet so jealous,0,heidimontag dont know im uk yet jealous -got formal invitation. what am i gonna do about my date? i should've said to put "Nick & Guest". ,0,got formal invitation gon na date said put quot nick amp guest quot -ande now I'm not sure I want to associate with such a violet product may have a re-think about my screen name,0,ande sure want associate violet product may think screen name -@markhardy1974 it IS but i'm still waiting for my ride #itm,0,markhardy 9 still waiting ride itm -wish the sun would shine more. i have a cute yellow dress to wear. COME ON SUN. COME OUT AND PLAY. stupid england.,0,wish sun would shine cute yellow dress wear come sun come play stupid england -"well, my foot odor problem is def. back! hmph. ",0,well foot odor problem def back hmph -The drawback to this is that every picture I take with my phone is broadcast and is sent with the file name as text. #AutomationAtaCost,0,drawback every picture take phone broadcast sent file name text automationatacost -"@petemc they're horrible, they're out to get me ",0,petemc horrible get -dontcha just love microsoft corrupted open XML documents. ,0,dontcha love microsoft corrupted open xml document -i have fucking shin splints!!!! im in pain.....DRUGS PLEASE......i never realised they could be so painful ,0,fucking shin splint im pain drug please never realised could painful -@taratomes I applied to go on that - but my Dad wouldn't drive me to Manchester for the auditions ,0,taratomes applied go dad drive manchester audition -I have no idea how to use twitter. No one wants to follow me cause I'm a bland person.,0,idea use twitter one want follow cause bland person -@helenthornber I dunno but I used to get fruitsalads and blackjacks from the post office...we never got applejacks tho ,0,helenthornber dunno used get fruitsalads blackjack post office never got applejack tho -My best friend Amy is coming round today to i've got to clean the house and i've got to find my amp cable,0,best friend amy coming round today got clean house got find amp cable -where is my phone & good foods? aaaaaaaaah ,0,phone amp good food aaaaaaaaah -"The Muppet Whatnot Workshop site is temporarily down, apparently totally sold out "Working hard to get it back ASAP" Hurry up, y'all. ",0,muppet whatnot workshop site temporarily apparently totally sold quot working hard get back asap quot hurry -ednaiscool51 is up again yay! but all my videos are gone ,0,ednaiscool yay video gone -"@James_yeah gah, poor illazilla and shame about the mutt but best of luck this time around!",0,james yeah gah poor illazilla shame mutt best luck time around -@iB3nji Yeh i know but it wasnt on the showbags list in the paper the other day I heard that they are broadcasting from the show on Thurs,0,ib nji yeh know wasnt showbags list paper day heard broadcasting show thurs -@alexfoster re cat. Prob have amazing effect on vet bills too? Watch for changes in character of remaining cat-puss!,0,alexfoster cat prob amazing effect vet bill watch change character remaining cat pus -NEED UUUUUUUUUUUUUU..... http://plurk.com/p/n0vpg,0,need uuuuuuuuuuuuuu http plurk com p n0vpg -"@sonnyjoeflangan goddammit, i missed it what 3 songs? xx",0,sonnyjoeflangan goddammit missed song xx -"@CatQ was so thinking of you, family and friends. Glad you're okay! But It's a black day for Italy, with all those people killed. ",0,catq thinking family friend glad okay black day italy people killed -Just had a great time... that is if I forget about the fight on the way back... ,0,great time forget fight way back -Horrible Weather ,0,horrible weather -@DavidBlue someone spoiled it for me last week ,0,davidblue someone spoiled last week -@nicsknots What up?,0,nicsknots -"cant eat, drink or breath thanks to the bad throat infection ",0,cant eat drink breath thanks bad throat infection -"cant eat, drink or breath properly thanks to the bad throat infection ",0,cant eat drink breath properly thanks bad throat infection -Shattered ,0,shattered -'s nanna just passed away ,0,nanna passed away -Having delay to 1500 ,0,delay 00 -Uni sucks! Have to leave home at 12:00 to attend a lecture at 14:30 to 16:30. & roadworks everywhere - MT installing fibre cables.,0,uni suck leave home 00 attend lecture 0 0 amp roadworks everywhere mt installing fibre cable -"Started his 12 week training, it's going tobbr tough with so many birthdays, currently at work http://twitpic.com/2y81k",0,started week training going tobbr tough many birthday currently work http twitpic com k -It's so upsetting. Ami's in agony and the vet can't see her until 6pm. My poor little thing ,0,upsetting ami agony vet see pm poor little thing -"@matthewknight i don't know...! I can ping the site, but it won't load at all for me... I'm trying to contact dreamhost ",0,matthewknight know ping site load trying contact dreamhost -no body ever replys to me ,0,body ever reply -"@edbehrens 'Thanks for all the good luck! Alas, I wasn't good enough don't really want to explain but thanks for everything I <3 you all'",0,edbehrens thanks good luck ala good enough really want explain thanks everything lt -cannot stop coughing so much for sleeeping,0,stop coughing much sleeeping -Wet hair in my eyes. ,0,wet hair eye -"@kevatkinson My bro and sis but very young, mums working today so thought i would help out... I don't have any sun ",0,kevatkinson bro si young mum working today thought would help sun -"having a coffee and going through my twitter, facebook and other social networks ..... it seems to become a full time job to keep up ",0,coffee going twitter facebook social network seems become full time job keep -gets to speak to my boyfriend til about 3! so happy! but then cant speak to him til may! that may hurt a little!! ,0,get speak boyfriend til happy cant speak til may may hurt little -@princessbuddha im having the same problem.. i never drive anymore! ,0,princessbuddha im problem never drive anymore -still up... sad i lost followers ,0,still sad lost follower -a sad day I morn for my awesome car http://twitpic.com/2y82e,0,sad day morn awesome car http twitpic com e -"OK, I think I'm finally done with work for the (yester)day. Now for a beer and some TV before hitting the sack. Back at it around 9am. ",0,ok think finally done work yester day beer tv hitting sack back around 9am -working my life away.. ,0,working life away -examz coming.........really feeling HeLpLeSsSsSs.. ,0,examz coming really feeling helplessssss -Creepy Outdoor on the speedway: Alli is now in Portugal... Seems not so good 4 losing weight not healthy!,0,creepy outdoor speedway alli portugal seems good losing weight healthy -"@francesdath not bad, transitioning, being visited by many globe wandering gypsy queers at the moment... but you are missing ",0,francesdath bad transitioning visited many globe wandering gypsy queer moment missing -loaded with the cold great fun!!!,0,loaded cold great fun -up early. my stomache is acting funny ,0,early stomache acting funny -has a headache...it wont go away and i dont want to od on panadol....lol....seriously though it hurts ,0,headache wont go away dont want od panadol lol seriously though hurt -http://twitter.com/freddybust/status/1463411617 - thats right! ,0,http twitter com freddybust status thats right -"Maybe that was unclear... I'm planning to post on my own website later than usual today, due to technical issues ",0,maybe unclear planning post website later usual today due technical issue -does anyone else miss chatting in chat rooms? I do but can't find one i feel comfortable in suggestions please?,0,anyone else miss chatting chat room find one feel comfortable suggestion please -"Vah. The dreaded lurgy strikes. I'm in dire need of tea, chloroformed or otherwise. Alas, I'm off to ASDA for pizza, no time for tea ",0,vah dreaded lurgy strike dire need tea chloroformed otherwise ala asda pizza time tea -The leeds festival twitter man has lied. There is no update. ,0,leeds festival twitter man lied update -"going, going, aaand gone. poor moosie fell asleep in class http://twitpic.com/2y82y",0,going going aaand gone poor moosie fell asleep class http twitpic com -is really fed up ,0,really fed -"swapping songs through email with carrie, damn the tasman DAMN IT TO HELL i wanna jam ",0,swapping song email carrie damn tasman damn hell wan na jam -"damn it, i still can't find a decent sized photo ",0,damn still find decent sized photo -"@Anjeebaby I'm fine if things are busy, just gets hard at quieter times ",0,anjeebaby fine thing busy get hard quieter time -"Essay finished, 3,605 words, very pleased with self but dreading the return to project work ",0,essay finished 0 word pleased self dreading return project work -"@VioletsCRUK Yeah, off Aberdeen, on the Miller platform, the one the chopper left before it went down thew other day ",0,violetscruk yeah aberdeen miller platform one chopper left went thew day -immm sooooo lowwww ,0,immm sooooo lowwww -"I still feel toss, though I was better yesterday but actually realised im not when I woke up at 5am feeling sick ",0,still feel toss though better yesterday actually realised im woke feeling sick -Still have a lot of work to catch up on! ,0,still lot work catch -... missed the gig ,0,missed gig -Khb count low today despite the changing weather. ,0,khb count low today despite changing weather -@dale__wood I love uni coffee????? BET you won't get this one. ILPC oh ps uni tomorrow pick u up at 12:52! PS 1000 word assignment! ARG,0,dale wood love uni coffee bet get one ilpc oh p uni tomorrow pick u p 000 word assignment arg -now I'm having a hard time digesting disappointment ,0,hard time digesting disappointment -READY FOR FRIDAY at the TED!! Go Braves! & stocking up on ricola cough drops & dayquil b.c i have a cold from the constant weather change ,0,ready friday ted go brave amp stocking ricola cough drop amp dayquil b c cold constant weather change -:S geen How I Met Your Mother vandaag ,0,geen met mother vandaag -No southpark for me ,0,southpark -"yay, migraine to round of Berlin ",0,yay migraine round berlin -@SheriTingle Really busy Loads of projects to complete.,0,sheritingle really busy load project complete -"so much for my roast tonight, still frozen solid. ",0,much roast tonight still frozen solid -Up since 3:00. Going to be a looooong day. ,0,since 00 going looooong day -"i'm bleeding ! , i shaved my legs and now i'm bleeding haha, i'm a loser xp",0,bleeding shaved leg bleeding haha loser xp -Just got reduced to tears by Jeremy Kyle!! Off to the doctors now i hate the doctors its so scary! Arghhhh!,0,got reduced tear jeremy kyle doctor hate doctor scary arghhhh -I killed the Eggnog thread on PJ with my lame joke ,0,killed eggnog thread pj lame joke -"@tommcfly hey, no chance of adding brighton or eastbourne to the UCAP tour? gutted im missing out this time round i love you guys!",0,tommcfly hey chance adding brighton eastbourne ucap tour gutted im missing time round love guy -I am really tired but cant go to sleep ,0,really tired cant go sleep -"@saturngirl ha ha ha, *cap doffed*. Okay you are right. Camping in the Cotwolds AGAIN for me. ;)",0,saturngirl ha ha ha cap doffed okay right camping cotwolds -"lol, i did that then i was silly and thoght kb was the same as k so its still not working. i doubt i will ever find one",0,lol silly thoght kb k still working doubt ever find one -@xoVince pssht! i miss u! u don't respond to me ,0,xovince pssht miss u u respond -@DonnieWahlberg DONNIE!! when are you coming back to the UK? It's been toooo long X,0,donniewahlberg donnie coming back uk toooo long x -Went to the dentist today... totally as a last resort... totally broke now too!! God damn the dental industry needs competition policies ,0,went dentist today totally last resort totally broke god damn dental industry need competition policy -th�m m?t l?n n�i d?i ,0,th l n n -Off Too Work .Gunna Miss The Lush Weather .x,0,work gunna miss lush weather x -"@MANDY_EMMERSON Bummer, hope your OK! ",0,mandy emmerson bummer hope ok -http://twitpic.com/2y867 - I miss thiss ,0,http twitpic com miss thiss -"Wow, its way too early to be awake. Lots to do though, and software post at 8:30 so I actually have to be to work on time. Boo...",0,wow way early awake lot though software post 0 actually work time boo -Missin my son..he went home with my monster in law last night i can't wait to get him back this afternoon after work!,0,missin son went home monster law last night wait get back afternoon work -@iamloz_JsPR ouch ,0,iamloz jspr ouch -"@Mirror_Kiss no, i don't have money, i'm very upset too ",0,mirror kiss money upset -@laz18 Yeah i couldn't answer your call at work this arvo babe my breaks are usually at 1ish so call then haha i need credit sooo bad,0,laz yeah answer call work arvo babe break usually ish call haha need credit sooo bad -"Ugh, I can't sleep because I'm not feeling so great. ",0,ugh sleep feeling great -@foilly oh no! that's a shame you'll have to find them the next time tim passes through. or organise a sydney feeter convention.,0,foilly oh shame find next time tim pass organise sydney feeter convention -Oh no...Kutner's dead (watching House),0,oh kutner dead watching house -so bored.. still no internet at home. ,0,bored still internet home -Been sent to the naughty boys corner in work http://twitpic.com/2y86s,0,sent naughty boy corner work http twitpic com -"@triplejsr the new eminem single, "we made you" it's got zero plays on aftermath's myspace, i wanna hear it soo bad",0,triplejsr new eminem single quot made quot got zero play aftermath myspace wan na hear soo bad -i am wondering how to work this site ,0,wondering work site -Finally home from work ,0,finally home work -"cant wait for easter, but then after that, it will be study time ",0,cant wait easter study time -"back at work after a great weekend, my brothers have left home and gone back to england though with my gorgeous nephews, miss them ",0,back work great weekend brother left home gone back england though gorgeous nephew miss -@nikrosser I don't think there is any kind of good stroke. I'll wait to hear from you. I love that little cat. L xxx,0,nikrosser think kind good stroke wait hear love little cat l xxx -argh cant stop yawning ,0,argh cant stop yawning -"if you have a computer which isn't doing much (or a CPU core not doing much, if you're technical), get in touch? I need processing power ",0,computer much cpu core much technical get touch need processing power -My phone is BROKE. Too bad I could have been sending you EXCITING tweets today on how the city elections are going. Election judge day!,0,phone broke bad could sending exciting tweet today city election going election judge day -16km on bike. I'm all hot n sweaty . The REM marathon continues.,0,km bike hot n sweaty rem marathon continues -"im trying to make a chicken soup like my mothers,... but without a recipe.. this will be interesting... and i cant find matzah. ",0,im trying make chicken soup like mother without recipe interesting cant find matzah -has a huge headache ,0,huge headache -wants "someone" to come over here ,0,want quot someone quot come -@itspink WHAT?BOYZONE ARE REFORMING???I'm never aware of anything ,0,itspink boyzone reforming never aware anything -"@Sparkly_Devil1 *hugs* I'm trying really hard to concentrate on the nice dream instead. I'm sorry you had a bad one too, hon ",0,sparkly devil hug trying really hard concentrate nice dream instead sorry bad one hon -"@TheEngTeacher dammit, getting to know this corner very well ",0,theengteacher dammit getting know corner well -"Ugh, what a waste of 3 hours... ",0,ugh waste hour -@charltonbrooker You've got my sympathy - I've got to go have my back X-rayed ,0,charltonbrooker got sympathy got go back x rayed -Time for lunch. I'm so craving spring rolls.... to bad we don't have a chinese near who delivers ,0,time lunch craving spring roll bad chinese near delivers -I don't know how I am getting back to Miami. It's like no one cares...,0,know getting back miami like one care -"@Kal_Penn Ok well I think I just got a spoiler for this episode, I haven't seen it yet, i'm in the UK!! gutted now.",0,kal penn ok well think got spoiler episode seen yet uk gutted -surely is.... this is the first time I have tried to do this ,0,surely first time tried -Have a ouchy head which is making me feel sicky ,0,ouchy head making feel sicky -@alessandrod sadness but please keep updating *hug*,0,alessandrod sadness please keep updating hug -@loris_sl morning!!!! how things in Italy today??? Depressing I imagine!!! That is bad news ,0,loris sl morning thing italy today depressing imagine bad news -@melaniengzuer haha! nah! no more. i go back twice a month. the bus tickets too expensive already ,0,melaniengzuer haha nah go back twice month bus ticket expensive already -Really want to see Kasabian at Eden Project 4th july! Just need someone to go with ,0,really want see kasabian eden project th july need someone go -"Morning all! It's a grey day in Holland Come on spring, you can do it!!!",0,morning grey day holland come spring -Sad that the time shift means it's dark when we go home. ,0,sad time shift mean dark go home -@sneffielynn I wish I knew what's going on with TB. It's driving me crazy.,0,sneffielynn wish knew going tb driving crazy -damn! I have missed #gsoc apply deadline ,0,damn missed gsoc apply deadline -hates revision ,0,hate revision -@khensu83 I always feel like that too have an amazing day though xx,0,khensu always feel like amazing day though xx -http://twitpic.com/2y887 - I miss this! ,0,http twitpic com miss -"Quite busy today, attended 2 appointment. Well, tomorrow going to be another busy day ",0,quite busy today attended appointment well tomorrow going another busy day -iiiii havent slept yet and i have to be at work in 40 minutes. boo ,0,iiiii havent slept yet work 0 minute boo -Is stuck in history ,0,stuck history -@ClaireBoyles Thought as much ,0,claireboyles thought much -Going to work!!! ,0,going work -"The nowhere land - not 100% sick, but definately not healthy either ",0,nowhere land 00 sick definately healthy either -I am still suffering from a headache which has been with me since yesterday afternoon. Feels like my head is in a vice Not pleasant.,0,still suffering headache since yesterday afternoon feel like head vice pleasant -Working at uni.. Red Bull and a packet of sultanas for dinner ,0,working uni red bull packet sultana dinner -@CSIMiamiJenny I know thats how i felt after givin them presents+them not appreciating it Horatio is the real man LOL,0,csimiamijenny know thats felt givin present appreciating horatio real man lol -@MissyKesson cant find u on it ,0,missykesson cant find u -@fireflies_uk Twitter is really playing up! Braces...brings back memories of bad gagging reflex ,0,firefly uk twitter really playing brace brings back memory bad gagging reflex -@carli_chick I can't get photo x,0,carli chick get photo x -On the bus going to work! booo!,0,bus going work booo -Can't tweet working over the head ,0,tweet working head -@robparsons - too difficult??? who ARE these people?? no doubt the ones who only ever see Africans as starving and helpless - grrrrrr ,0,robparsons difficult people doubt one ever see african starving helpless grrrrrr -Sitting in work ,0,sitting work -"@nickynocky I pay just over a hundred, for me and occasional kids in a house, but not metered. Yours does sound high then ",0,nickynocky pay hundred occasional kid house metered sound high -"@abhian abey lalloo.. Me n dake then went for the 8pm show @ cp.. U cud've made it .. Chal koi nahi, nxt weekend try karenge again",0,abhian abey lalloo n dake went pm show cp u cud made chal koi nahi nxt weekend try karenge -Up with my sick little girl who just came in my room and vomitted on my bed. ,0,sick little girl came room vomitted bed -insomnia has got the best of me again... ohhh so tired and can't find sleep ,0,insomnia got best ohhh tired find sleep -LOL what Anna? Schmance? I soo wanna meet up with you in the holidays man haha - Im missing you so bad ,0,lol anna schmance soo wan na meet holiday man haha im missing bad -I sooo cannot afford to get an iPhone ,0,sooo afford get iphone -"yay, I can txt to twitter but can't receive to my cell bcos im in New Zealand ",0,yay txt twitter receive cell bcos im new zealand -sleeping at a friend today x3 whats going on with u!? don�t understand .. ,0,sleeping friend today x whats going u understand -@Retrochick_uk oh probably PMT ;) and thoughtless men a bit too ,0,retrochick uk oh probably pmt thoughtless men bit -"To transcode a 100MB .wmv to a 100MB .flv file without loss of quality - possible, or not? Anyone know? Everything I try is terrible ",0,transcode 00mb wmv 00mb flv file without loss quality possible anyone know everything try terrible -@kenmcguire sorry i had to be the one to confirm your darkest fears ,0,kenmcguire sorry one confirm darkest fear -"@divapromotions I agree, sendout cards rocks! Just sent one today to a dear friend that I had to let go ",0,divapromotions agree sendout card rock sent one today dear friend let go -Dats some fast internets. We'll probably be stuck with that 10% though http://digg.com/d1o8Kd,0,dat fast internet probably stuck 0 though http digg com kd -"It's a new morning pulled back the curtains sunshining, birds tweeting and I'm stuck inside working !",0,new morning pulled back curtain sunshining bird tweeting stuck inside working -"@joypalmer I wake up at 2am and think, ah yes, that's mice running around in the ceiling again ",0,joypalmer wake think ah yes mouse running around ceiling -"At school right now.. Just watched This is England, and I'm sorry to say that I didn't like it that much Maby because I watched it here?",0,school right watched england sorry say like much maby watched -"@kangaroogav Preach brother, Special K, Single gammon roll & water, no dinner ",0,kangaroogav preach brother special k single gammon roll amp water dinner -"meetings aren't always boring, but I wonder why I m always sleepy towards the close ",0,meeting always boring wonder always sleepy towards close -Surprised how little I miss having a house or car or really any of my other worldly possessions... but I do miss my dog. ,0,surprised little miss house car really worldly possession miss dog -"@chrisgedrim that's it, we're over ",0,chrisgedrim -@fancyelastic Would use red onion if we had any. Chives are abundant at the moment so using them instead. Lid of sunflower seeds is stuck ,0,fancyelastic would use red onion chive abundant moment using instead lid sunflower seed stuck -@JasonArnopp our memberships had expired and to renew them we have to do a new induction which can't happen til next tuesday ,0,jasonarnopp membership expired renew new induction happen til next tuesday -is needing some love ,0,needing love -getting ill and very fed up with how things have turned out ,0,getting ill fed thing turned -@MyAppleStuff sadly we can't turn back time we have to help to re-build everything & give those poor families much love,0,myapplestuff sadly turn back time help build everything amp give poor family much love -so dissappointed right now guess its not meant to be ,0,dissappointed right guess meant -"so tomorrow/today finishing up hmwk, getting over being sick, then getting ready for another day of school tomorrow ",0,tomorrow today finishing hmwk getting sick getting ready another day school tomorrow -@Jlo1978 Ahhhhh so when are you leaving? Will you not make Friday? ,0,jlo 9 ahhhhh leaving make friday -@CaptainSeeBass @SparkyMA girlfriend troubles. Got some serious thinking to do ,0,captainseebass sparkyma girlfriend trouble got serious thinking -"@Monkey_Cat Mom's brains are fried, not juicy. That's what she says when she's in front of teh compy too much. MY BRAINS ARE FRIED!",0,monkey cat mom brain fried juicy say front teh compy much brain fried -@allieblue I have ONE Vodka Mudshake Not going to be enough!!!!!!!!,0,allieblue one vodka mudshake going enough -I've been accused of being a biscuit fascist because I said Viennese biscuits weren't working class ,0,accused biscuit fascist said viennese biscuit working class -Up early-ish to study before getting taken to lunch!! But then I have to come back from lunch and study more ,0,early ish study getting taken lunch come back lunch study -Has twitter changed in past 2 weeks? Can only view 2 pages of tweets on phone as selecting 'older' repeatedly shows page 2 and no more ,0,twitter changed past week view page tweet phone selecting older repeatedly show page -gotta calm the weekends down monday blues carrying on into tuesday ,0,got ta calm weekend monday blue carrying tuesday -"@intelligensia I totally get you, why you did it is beyond me, I rediscovered some new bones on my back after Sundays escapades ",0,intelligensia totally get beyond rediscovered new bone back sunday escapade -Wish i were i sleeping ,0,wish sleeping -it'd be great if some opensource luminary would record 'talk' files for #rockbox the daleky voice is unimpressive ,0,great opensource luminary would record talk file rockbox daleky voice unimpressive -@PolkaDotSkirt I'm getting my card in two weeks and it's a Solo iirc. Threadless.com is already out of the question ,0,polkadotskirt getting card two week solo iirc threadless com already question -@shruticute Got any web link to it? Here we only get the Hindu and TOI. ,0,shruticute got web link get hindu toi -moving on to managerial finance... nicht gut ,0,moving managerial finance nicht gut -"oops havnt been on 4 a while... so much school work, hardly any time 4 myself!! ",0,oops havnt much school work hardly time -is sad. watching HIMYM seas. 1 so i can be cool like everyone else. but not feeling it and keep forcing myself to watch the next episodes ,0,sad watching himym sea cool like everyone else feeling keep forcing watch next episode -"@Andy_Winward Only "seem", Funny? ",0,andy winward quot seem quot funny -"@hugbubble Im keeping my distance well well away from your comments , this is not good for the male species ",0,hugbubble im keeping distance well well away comment good male specie -I can has migraine? ,0,migraine -feeling ill today too so not having a great day ,0,feeling ill today great day -Rather tired after last nights works. Getting woken up early doesn't help either ,0,rather tired last night work getting woken early help either -@rgdub. Yes! I really wanna go bad but I have to work ,0,rgdub yes really wan na go bad work -at work plus im sick. blah..,0,work plus im sick blah -bleach on my hair for the third time in four days ho hummm. got to go out later to post the gazillion things ive sold too bad ,0,bleach hair third time four day ho hummm got go later post gazillion thing ive sold bad -Good Morning...just found out I need to have a wisdom tooth out ,0,good morning found need wisdom tooth -stuff finding a small enough picture i will jsut have to be this weird face for the rest of my twitter life lol,0,stuff finding small enough picture jsut weird face rest twitter life lol -you guys I can't sleep but I really need to cause I have work >_< FML,0,guy sleep really need cause work gt lt fml -wishes P-Kid wasn't so sick and in hospital tonight ,0,wish p kid sick hospital tonight -tired cant sleep baby feeding at 3:30 ,0,tired cant sleep baby feeding 0 -has a really sore elbow. i think it's broken ,0,really sore elbow think broken -is depressed he isn't going to be able to see David Archuleta. ,0,depressed going able see david archuleta -Heroes is soooo boring. Ugh and I just found out there are 3 more episodes this season. ,0,hero soooo boring ugh found episode season -@kiyala Aw what did the poor donkeys ever to do to you? ,0,kiyala aw poor donkey ever -is in pain after having her braces tightened ,0,pain brace tightened -Is At Work x,0,work x -Spring break is over...school & work are monsters that have taken over my life. Seriously! ,0,spring break school amp work monster taken life seriously -@redpr no looks like housework for me,0,redpr look like housework -@arisan No free day for you?! ,0,arisan free day -is somehow sick again...2 days till my exam..wonderful timing ,0,somehow sick day till exam wonderful timing -preparing for work and leaving the balcony But i'll give it tomorrow another try! ;-) ? #niceweather #Berlin #goodlife,0,preparing work leaving balcony give tomorrow another try niceweather berlin goodlife -Didn't want to be a tax inspector anyway ,0,want tax inspector anyway -@TweetDeck Can you not become a seperate program rather than use AIR? AIR is awful and this RAM leakage is bloody annoying! ,0,tweetdeck become seperate program rather use air air awful ram leakage bloody annoying -is annoyed with the amount of glass on dublin roads and the number of punctures I am getting ,0,annoyed amount glass dublin road number puncture getting -"OMG - there is a super massive Bee downstairs, my phobia is kicking in big time and I can't go downstairs unless I know it's gone! help!",0,omg super massive bee downstairs phobia kicking big time go downstairs unless know gone help -T minus 35minutes to go home. Well not home. But to do laundry. At home. Kindof. The laundry is at home. But the washer and dryer isn't. ,0,minus minute go home well home laundry home kindof laundry home washer dryer -And I am now a division of one ,0,division one -"@lancehenrikson just writ a @ticketbot thing, it is spamming people with tickets for bands with "that word" in. Probably children too ",0,lancehenrikson writ ticketbot thing spamming people ticket band quot word quot probably child -"Just got home, going to sleep for a couple hours. No Age of Conan I hope I dream about eating delicious sushi!",0,got home going sleep couple hour age conan hope dream eating delicious sushi -my computer can't open any files from the university so I can't do any work! I don't get it ,0,computer open file university work get -@incrediblesteve Cold turkeys the only way I know ,0,incrediblesteve cold turkey way know -"Dogs around my ankles as I've had to lock them in the study with me, away from the builders. Oh joy, only another 14 weeks of this. ",0,dog around ankle lock study away builder oh joy another week -the great holiday homework sesh has begun now bugger off twitter you distracting menace!,0,great holiday homework sesh begun bugger twitter distracting menace -Dammit! I think I picked up a bug from the girlfriend ,0,dammit think picked bug girlfriend -"@beccaacyrusx chyeahhhh ;) my shoulders, back and legs all hurt atm ",0,beccaacyrusx chyeahhhh shoulder back leg hurt atm -I miss one of my friends ,0,miss one friend -very very busy - not getting a chance to Twitter as much as before ,0,busy getting chance twitter much -doesnt know what to wear ,0,doesnt know wear -@cincincintya my seed is on the verge of death! thinking of what seedling i can plant to replace,0,cincincintya seed verge death thinking seedling plant replace -i need something big to happen ,0,need something big happen -"done feeding horses this snowy, windy April morning ",0,done feeding horse snowy windy april morning -@loris_sl I see they are still having aftershocks over there. I'm following @EQwatch which tells me there's just been another 4.8 quake ,0,loris sl see still aftershock following eqwatch tell another quake -wants her iPod. ,0,want ipod -@yayitsfoogie aww well i thought it was a fun website anyway. don't be lonely!,0,yayitsfoogie aww well thought fun website anyway lonely -"@xrandommcrluvrx Yup! Obsessed! I bet they've run out of stock though Anyway thnx for the help with the phone, I was using the wrong code",0,xrandommcrluvrx yup obsessed bet run stock though anyway thnx help phone using wrong code -"@guybatty oh I'm so sorry to hear that very sad thing, he was so young",0,guybatty oh sorry hear sad thing young -"@_Wren_ *internet hug* Yep, I know the feeling.",0,wren internet hug yep know feeling -"@kijuto em ng? t? 1h s�ng -> 11h tr?a d?y ?n c?m, ?n xong ng? ti?p ??n t?n b�y gi? ! m� m?t.... m� m?t...... !",0,kijuto em ng h ng gt h tr n c n xong ng ti p n n b gi -@Kal_Penn I just watched House and got really sad I liked Kutner.,0,kal penn watched house got really sad liked kutner -Where has the morning gone? ,0,morning gone -"@shaksiyya what was going on with you guys over the weekend Shak??? was not happy, my CD collection is outdated!! ",0,shaksiyya going guy weekend shak happy cd collection outdated -Is not a happy chappy.... ,0,happy chappy -"I'm going to perform with my good friend Nicole Brilhante on Thursday at Don Ho's. Please come, no one else will ",0,going perform good friend nicole brilhante thursday ho please come one else -Three cheers for fiber to the home... now we only have to wait 8 years for it ,0,three cheer fiber home wait year -"just couldn't sleep last night. Working 7a-3p, than dinner with Megan. Happy Bday JL!",0,sleep last night working p dinner megan happy bday jl -digg links are now nofollow... ,0,digg link nofollow -"@rustyrockets will you be showing me some love you sexy swine, feeling abit lonely go on you know you wanna ; ) x",0,rustyrockets showing love sexy swine feeling abit lonely go know wan na x -@ecaps1 bloody idiot!! just shop him into some gay porn ,0,ecaps bloody idiot shop gay porn -Lost everything on laptop Won't be able to CG anything properly untl about 6 ,0,lost everything laptop able cg anything properly untl -just had a tonne of sad news today ,0,tonne sad news today -I'm getting more and more people asking where they can buy the #Ambients album. Simple answer is "not yet" It'll be on iTunes eventually,0,getting people asking buy ambients album simple answer quot yet quot itunes eventually -@MissyKesson bet you let mcgee on there! hahahaha,0,missykesson bet let mcgee hahahaha -"@gavlp yes, I hope these shocks are going to stop soon - I think I'm getting angry with Earth itself ",0,gavlp yes hope shock going stop soon think getting angry earth -"Sore throat. Please God, don't make me sick Sleep time, night all x",0,sore throat please god make sick sleep time night x -i didn't have enough sleep ,0,enough sleep -mornnnninggg. ugh by cub has gone to work without a phoneee. got no one to textt ,0,mornnnninggg ugh cub gone work without phoneee got one textt -Drinking a Nuun lemon & lime electrolyte tab drink. It's not sweet enough ,0,drinking nuun lemon amp lime electrolyte tab drink sweet enough -@limburger2001 infrastructure and improving their coverage/service. most of the wifi hotspots are in adelaide/SA though ,0,limburger 00 infrastructure improving coverage service wifi hotspot adelaide sa though -@bloodrush545 Ugh. Pizza would be fantastic right now. Too bad this isn't phx. No pizza places open ppast like 10 here. ,0,bloodrush ugh pizza would fantastic right bad phx pizza place open ppast like 0 -"@Sheamus Yep done that from the off - just have All Friends | Search | My Tweets panels. Hmm interesting, maybe it will fix itself later ",0,sheamus yep done friend search tweet panel hmm interesting maybe fix later -"@sonnyjoeflangan oh awesome, shit i missed it ",0,sonnyjoeflangan oh awesome shit missed -@AllanCavanagh thanks for the link Allan-DM not working...laptop on a go slow ,0,allancavanagh thanks link allan dm working laptop go slow -it's tuesday...The Su couldn't sleep last night...BTW:orange juice right after brushing ones teeth with cinnamon toothpaste=yuck ,0,tuesday su sleep last night btw orange juice right brushing one teeth cinnamon toothpaste yuck -would really love to go on holiday.but its not gonna happen ,0,would really love go holiday gon na happen -Stupid glass and it's ability to cut my foot ,0,stupid glass ability cut foot -"is really, really tired, and hasn't slept in days. Can barely keep my eyes open Really missing my sanity.",0,really really tired slept day barely keep eye open really missing sanity -just came back from college. assignment really piles up like shits. SO DEAD TIRED ,0,came back college assignment really pile like shit dead tired -Can't sleep how frustrating!,0,sleep frustrating -"For once in ages, I cant hear that bloody tap driping. But now we have no cold tap in the bathroom RIP tap!!!",0,age cant hear bloody tap driping cold tap bathroom rip tap -March sales reports done... hardly worth it ,0,march sale report done hardly worth -there is just something wrong with stupid Vista I hate it.......,0,something wrong stupid vista hate -"The Swanage fieldtrip is legendary for carnage, it's the only reason I chose Geography... pity my uni doesn't run it #theinbetweeners",0,swanage fieldtrip legendary carnage reason chose geography pity uni run theinbetweeners -"Watched #Twilight last night, was brill but not as good as the book! ",0,watched twilight last night brill good book -how to get tickets 4 sold out "give it a name festival" on sat? ,0,get ticket sold quot give name festival quot sat -"going for a shower & brush my teeth, don't wanna go to work ",0,going shower amp brush teeth wan na go work -No longer innocent then... http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7986901.stm,0,longer innocent http news bbc co uk hi uk 9 90 stm -"Wow.(non work related) I've been doing the SEO for a site I designed and it's now ranking 1-5 on MSN, Google and ASK - Sadly, not Yahoo ",0,wow non work related seo site designed ranking msn google ask sadly yahoo -"So many questions for the next Battlestations Podcast. We'll do our best, but we can't possibly answer them all. ",0,many question next battlestations podcast best possibly answer -study history of music ..... bored ..... help me please!!!!!!!!!! ,0,study history music bored help please -wish there was a a little tunnel (preferably a waterslide!) direct from dressing room to water so people don't see me in my togs ,0,wish little tunnel preferably waterslide direct dressing room water people see togs -"@FREDDIESDOUBLE glad i'm not at work, but fed up of being in pain... permanent earache for almost a yr is not fun ",0,freddiesdouble glad work fed pain permanent earache almost yr fun -"I'm not liking that new iTunes Pricing at all. I mean, I've seen several songs at $1.29, but not only one at $0.69! ",0,liking new itunes pricing mean seen several song 9 one 0 9 -"@Natasja_Cupcake That would be great! Havin' a crappy day again, just can't seem to get in a good mood Some sun would help!!!",0,natasja cupcake would great havin crappy day seem get good mood sun would help -god pls... 'm tryna be a good gal... u noe it best.... i dun n dun n dun wana be in deep shit... help me out here.... OMG...,0,god pls tryna good gal u noe best dun n dun n dun wana deep shit help omg -i hate the new facebook look either! so messy and everything is all over the place! i want the old one back! ,0,hate new facebook look either messy everything place want old one back -"@nickynocky Yeah its rubbish, think my bill just gone up as well, and you have to filter the crap water ",0,nickynocky yeah rubbish think bill gone well filter crap water -@ohmontana deal! I'll murph you with my pliplup or whatever. The water one. Barely at level 20 ,0,ohmontana deal murph pliplup whatever water one barely level 0 -Someone somewhere didn't like Sheepish http://www.smartestgames.com/gotdhistory.php?id=141 ,0,someone somewhere like sheepish http www smartestgames com gotdhistory php id -@davidtaraso I'm stuck on Chapter 3 Incineration Destination. ,0,davidtaraso stuck chapter incineration destination -3 days to do 6 days work... ,0,day day work -i am missing my daughter. she went away yesterday for a week on a course to help her teach gymnastics. the house is too quiet ,0,missing daughter went away yesterday week course help teach gymnastics house quiet -yippee!!! skype app. now available on i-phone whatever next? xcept you cant use the video ,0,yippee skype app available phone whatever next xcept cant use video -"I'm not liking that new iTunes Pricing at all. I mean, I've seen several songs at $1.29, but not only one at $0.69! ",0,liking new itunes pricing mean seen several song 9 one 0 9 -@LanieFuller Feeling really sick today how about you?,0,laniefuller feeling really sick today -Webview (one of control of iphone sdk) is too slow that even for loading local custom page it takes a marginal time ,0,webview one control iphone sdk slow even loading local custom page take marginal time -"cant eat, drink or breath properly thanks to the bad throat infection ",0,cant eat drink breath properly thanks bad throat infection -"@Kara_YourSoJT Depends when you're going though. Dont want to be hanging around town for ages.Ooo Aisha,TUNE!Doreta Beach would rock! x",0,kara yoursojt depends going though dont want hanging around town age ooo aisha tune doreta beach would rock x -"WHY CAN'T I BREATHE?! Yes, an over-exaggeration in terms, but still. I hate being ill. ",0,breathe yes exaggeration term still hate ill -eating lunch... forgot to get home cooked food this morning ,0,eating lunch forgot get home cooked food morning -"@SamShepherd Darn, I don't seem to be very good at this ",0,samshepherd darn seem good -"wishing i was getting $900 for free, but noooo! Mr Rudd wants to play mean!!! ",0,wishing getting 900 free noooo mr rudd want play mean -@OhDatsBeezy - don't mind at all. behind on my follows. ,0,ohdatsbeezy mind behind follows -Just been the docs & she give me some antibiotics for my throat. No alcohol for a week ,0,doc amp give antibiotic throat alcohol week -@revjesse Ahahah if only it were hot enough!! I want to work elsewhere... like stacking shelves in some grotty shop ,0,revjesse ahahah hot enough want work elsewhere like stacking shelf grotty shop -couldn't sleep. read some Animorphs and now I'm attempting sleep again. please work this time. I'm exhausted plus I want to cuddle ,0,sleep read animorphs attempting sleep please work time exhausted plus want cuddle -"sister's cat Meatball has had its leg crushed- needs to be amputated now, poor little thing ",0,sister cat meatball leg crushed need amputated poor little thing -"@OfficialRandL whattttttt?! they've not brought anything new out for about 2 years, and they're crap!! when will the full line up be up? ",0,officialrandl whattttttt brought anything new year crap full line -@Matthew_Day Yeah...at work ,0,matthew day yeah work -@ecaps1 arrrrg it must be bad mcdonald / burger king always hire,0,ecaps arrrrg must bad mcdonald burger king always hire -My nose is bleeding ,0,nose bleeding -@ditesh haha I'm unsure what I can deliver for Foss.my. I'm not using alot of opensource software ( Hail Adobe for being expensive ),0,ditesh haha unsure deliver fo using alot opensource software hail adobe expensive -glues not coming off. it is sooo irritating ,0,glue coming sooo irritating -Cannot believe she is awake at 6AM on a tuesday. *yawn* And I had a bad dream. Bummer ,0,believe awake tuesday yawn bad dream bummer -@sentricmusic ...suffice to say their offer was ignored. Then EMI.com launched and they all laughed rather a lot... ,0,sentricmusic suffice say offer ignored emi com launched laughed rather lot -feeling low today ,0,feeling low today -Bored&tired. Miss the stay-back time ,0,bored amp tired miss stay back time -It rains heeaaavily outside and i trap in this building cant go home ,0,rain heeaaavily outside trap building cant go home -@dilyswei thank you! i know its not over but the fact that i studied day and night made me sad ,0,dilyswei thank know fact studied day night made sad -"Didn't even want to get up for work this morning. I just wasn't feeling it, but had to anyway. ",0,even want get work morning feeling anyway -Wtf!? They still dont have britney for the record up yet. ,0,wtf still dont britney record yet -"@chhavi Working, working, working. ",0,chhavi working working working -is suffering with the lugholes again ,0,suffering lugholes -Someone in ROMANIA didn't like Mystic Myre http://www.smartestgames.com/gotd.php ,0,someone romania like mystic myre http www smartestgames com gotd php -"gotta stop turning in homework late, would be gettin an A in Information Systems if it wasnt for the few late assigments ",0,got ta stop turning homework late would gettin information system wasnt late assigments -I want my cereal! But we're out of milk ,0,want cereal milk -Oh no! Free car park I always use is now Pay & Display. But I have no change ,0,oh free car park always use pay amp display change -"@zenojones I can't go to sleep... Too much to do, too little time long week ahead of me! And ok I'll get u hat lol",0,zenojones go sleep much little time long week ahead ok get u hat lol -Just booted into Windows to upload something since Internet is even worse under Ubuntu ,0,booted window upload something since internet even worse ubuntu -was playing around putting in random twitter usernames. so many wasted blanks! ,0,playing around putting random twitter usernames many wasted blank -I totally just lied about going on a trip to get out of hanging out with someone. 'Airport' was the only excuse that came to mind. ,0,totally lied going trip get hanging someone airport excuse came mind -"@whatdamnnick well, the problem with rain here is that it comes with extreme coldness. ",0,whatdamnnick well problem rain come extreme coldness -NBCNews reporting Pres Chief Econ guy #Summers is loaded with Wall Street money (8mil from a HedgeFund) from banks that were bailed out ,0,nbcnews reporting pres chief econ guy summer loaded wall street money mil hedgefund bank bailed -"@tommcfly have fun tom, i need to buy eclipse too but i have no money. sad timess ",0,tommcfly fun tom need buy eclipse money sad times -has to wait a WEEK to find out if her writing is any good sux!,0,wait week find writing good sux -(yay! SJ will be on come to play. Kibum is of course missing and so is Teuk ),0,yay sj come play kibum course missing teuk -@wellreadkitty oh poor thing I used ot love squeezing out the pus when I was a vet nurse. kinda gross really...,0,wellreadkitty oh poor thing used ot love squeezing pu vet nurse kinda gross really -"Who is your favorite vintage designer?" Lucy: "Topshop." I miss cycle 3 of britain's ntm. ,0,quot favorite vintage designer quot lucy quot topshop quot miss cycle britain ntm -@darenzia assuming i wont get to see u before u leave...i'll miss u punkin : *,0,darenzia assuming wont get see u u leave miss u punkin -I wanna go home! ,0,wan na go home -Testing twitter mobile SMS from Australia (expensive ),0,testing twitter mobile sm australia expensive -whatchiing commercial breakdwon lol and havee homework to do enrtertain meee,0,whatchiing commercial breakdwon lol havee homework enrtertain meee -"@Plip Would love to try Trillian Astra, but it's a closed beta and they won't let me in ",0,plip would love try trillian astra closed beta let -@Tittch I'll second Andrew's suggestion. They might fit you in as an emergency. Chin up. Thinking of you. ,0,tittch second andrew suggestion might fit emergency chin thinking -poor ando. he just got shot ,0,poor ando got shot -sitting at my desk eating dinner. Great Thai but a bit of a sad situation overall ,0,sitting desk eating dinner great thai bit sad situation overall -@moreshannon he isn't here! he is down south for 2 days working!,0,moreshannon south day working -#mmuk09 Moodle 1.x must upgrade to 1.9 before being upgraded to 2.0 - Themes will probably break though ,0,mmuk09 moodle x must upgrade 9 upgraded 0 theme probably break though -@Rooxxy I've got tonnes over here. Going to have to donate some I think! I just can't eat any more!,0,rooxxy got tonne going donate think eat -@TomFelton Late nights suckkk! Gym always makes me feel better though!! Photoshoot for what?,0,tomfelton late night suckkk gym always make feel better though photoshoot -That overnight screwed up my sleep. ,0,overnight screwed sleep -"@ALEXRUSSIN Lucky, I missed it ",0,alexrussin lucky missed -Been with O2 for 18 months now. In need of phone upgrade. iPhone comes to �500+ over contract life Need smartphone with cheapo talk plan!,0,month need phone upgrade iphone come 00 contract life need smartphone cheapo talk plan -"@paulriggall Me too Why am I not going to Glasto?! Stupid girl! Crosby, Stills & Nash are playing too!",0,paulriggall going glasto stupid girl crosby still amp nash playing -@NuJurzyBoricua I wanna go back home and go to bed. lol whatcha workin out today?,0,nujurzyboricua wan na go back home go bed lol whatcha workin today -@Honey_ It's nasty. No reports of flooding as yet. Multiple reports of bad hair and wet pants however.,0,honey nasty report flooding yet multiple report bad hair wet pant however -@rustyrockets Its not my birtday something went wrong please reply or I feel you dont love me ,0,rustyrockets birtday something went wrong please reply feel dont love -Mums soup made my stomach make nasty noises ,0,mum soup made stomach make nasty noise -laptop is running out of battery ,0,laptop running battery -worried about furry sun who has bad tartar on teeth and needs dental treatment ,0,worried furry sun bad tartar teeth need dental treatment -Finally! Fellow Ninjas logging into the forum ;) If you've done so recently can you redo again... as it woz a bit broken before ,0,finally fellow ninja logging forum done recently redo woz bit broken -ughhhhhhhhhh twitter is bing sooooo retarded ,0,ughhhhhhhhhh twitter bing sooooo retarded -@nickynocky I'm looking for other utility suppliers tonite now ,0,nickynocky looking utility supplier tonite -@whykay It's lashing down here. ,0,whykay lashing -"chocolate covered strawberries and cottage cheese, you have defeated me ",0,chocolate covered strawberry cottage cheese defeated -I really need to go to a dentist. ,0,really need go dentist -@mfarnsworth You and I will both be retired by the time this is all done mate.. ,0,mfarnsworth retired time done mate -A long flight is made even longer by a seat that won't recline. Off the red eye and grumpy ,0,long flight made even longer seat recline red eye grumpy -@absolutelybatty *HUGS BACK* Thanks hon. I can't believe he's gone! ,0,absolutelybatty hug back thanks hon believe gone -just got a tennis top in the post but i don't like it and its too big! shame ,0,got tennis top post like big shame -only 1/2day later and ants have eaten clean its bones..that poor little gecko skeleton..so very disturbing. i regret not mercy killing... ,0,day later ant eaten clean bone poor little gecko skeleton disturbing regret mercy killing -Man today is going sooooo slowly today ,0,man today going sooooo slowly today -wishing i was 5 again ,0,wishing -why do i have to go to the sitty job more often than the nice one ,0,go sitty job often nice one -http://twitpic.com/2y8lt - I feel so bad for the band right now ,0,http twitpic com lt feel bad band right -@JonnyPotter The Simpsons on demand thing doesn't work in the UK ,0,jonnypotter simpson demand thing work uk -I don't feel like revision. ,0,feel like revision -awake spanish test to make up this morning.,0,awake spanish test make morning -dotnetnuke.com is down Server Error in '/' Application.,0,dotnetnuke com server error application -Archiving project files to SharePoint. This is not fun ,0,archiving project file sharepoint fun -Another set of iPod earbuds dying - left going quiet Apple charge GBP20 for replacements. Better options at around that price point?,0,another set ipod earbuds dying left going quiet apple charge gbp 0 replacement better option around price point -im having a miley nite!!!!!! no sleeping boo ,0,im miley nite sleeping boo -Wow! I just did 5 suicides in a row. FYI: unless you're a professional athlete...you shouldn't do suicides. ,0,wow suicide row fyi unless professional athlete suicide -@themaccabees I've ordered that special 7inch set thingy from that place online (I'm so forgetful) but it's still not here i want iiiit,0,themaccabees ordered special inch set thingy place online forgetful still want iiiit -"I have decided my room needs to be more 'quirky', so Angel gave me a mirror! And my 'a' button isn't working too well either ",0,decided room need quirky angel gave mirror button working well either -urghhhhhh tired i need a proper lie in :|,0,urghhhhhh tired need proper lie -"Dindle Manksniff Foods Corp. founder Dindle Manksniff disappears on midnight trip to fridge, presumed dead ",0,dindle manksniff food corp founder dindle manksniff disappears midnight trip fridge presumed dead -"mandy moore "cry" ? http://twt.fm/33009 - "a walk to remember" by far my favorite movie, so sad i cried like a baby ",0,mandy moore quot cry quot http twt fm 009 quot walk remember quot far favorite movie sad cried like baby -"@LgHague Just uni, ruining my life as per usual ",0,lghague uni ruining life per usual -why isn't the hills available online yet?? soo disappointing ,0,hill available online yet soo disappointing -"@nikkiwoods Exactamundo!!! For some reason I think Foxx is knocked out, so IDK what's gonna happen, sorry ",0,nikkiwoods exactamundo reason think foxx knocked idk gon na happen sorry -the poor spartans ,0,poor spartan -I'm bored. Sun it's not present in a sky . I deppressed so much! I want see the SUN...,0,bored sun present sky deppressed much want see sun -"My night; went to the bar, Felt up a marred woman, went home hard and alone ",0,night went bar felt marred woman went home hard alone -That IIS-Crash is a tough nut Posted to newsgroup: http://is.gd/raIp,0,ii crash tough nut posted newsgroup http gd raip -"bah, immune system finally gave in. It did so well this year.... Throat is feeling horrid now.",0,bah immune system finally gave well year throat feeling horrid -crappy day so far. whyyyyy?,0,crappy day far whyyyyy -@BeththePQ your blog won't let me comment again! ,0,beththepq blog let comment -my teef hurt ,0,teef hurt -I have headache ,0,headache -@adamcurry can I get download version of the Dvorak Interlude... since streaming is banned at work... ,0,adamcurry get download version dvorak interlude since streaming banned work -"@wwwicked I think I have tried everything but feel free to try to crack it, I am at a loss ",0,wwwicked think tried everything feel free try crack loss -Well that was a waste of time ,0,well waste time -"#i36 Hope I'm feeling better by thursday, will be seriously annoyed if I'm ill over LAN ",0,hope feeling better thursday seriously annoyed ill lan -"Back from Bangalore, Missed dancing with a handsome wonderfully smiling foreigner ",0,back bangalore missed dancing handsome wonderfully smiling foreigner -now i have to do my stupid italian homework ,0,stupid italian homework -cant be bothered 2 get out of bed 2day - feelin ultra lazy! i miss josh ,0,cant bothered get bed day feelin ultra lazy miss josh -coffee time - wish i had whiskey like @cameronreilly ,0,coffee time wish whiskey like cameronreilly -i really want to play singstar! but all my singstar discs are scratched ,0,really want play singstar singstar disc scratched -@mileycyrus ouch mine too ,0,mileycyrus ouch mine -I didn't see that many cherry blossoms this year ,0,see many cherry blossom year -ARGH!!! iggy pop swift cover add on #spotify way to kill the mood ,0,argh iggy pop swift cover add spotify way kill mood -"Arse, totally forgot about a webinar that I wanted to attend this morning. Now I'll never know how to secure virtualised environments ",0,arse totally forgot webinar wanted attend morning never know secure virtualised environment -is going to the tenancy tribunal tomorrow Try to get my bond back,0,going tenancy tribunal tomorrow try get bond back -@Emmavieceli aw no Get better soon! Have honey and lemon drinks!,0,emmavieceli aw get better soon honey lemon drink -ugh does anyone know what i can do to stop anxiety attacks? pleeease...i need help ,0,ugh anyone know stop anxiety attack pleeease need help -"@cupcakesfortwo no pain to really be the issue though, there's the thing.. can't figure it out... ",0,cupcakesfortwo pain really issue though thing figure -at degool cafe waiting the clock to be 2pm ,0,degool cafe waiting clock pm -I am feeling sick ,0,feeling sick -"This will have to do, I lost the password to the version without the _ ",0,lost password version without -Fuck. I feel a hell of a lot worse today ,0,fuck feel hell lot worse today -"In France, Today it's raining ",0,france today raining -"ufffffffffffffffff, ke gorom!!!! need to a pond to swim ",0,ufffffffffffffffff ke gorom need pond swim -seekin'for a new job.. ,0,seekin new job -5 hours sleep in 4 days and still working on my birthday ,0,hour sleep day still working birthday -@juanpol That page doesn't exist! ,0,juanpol page exist -"@ammarz I could not install it for XP users here in Aramco, Vista users have no problem, weird ",0,ammarz could install xp user aramco vista user problem weird -@Seamonkey86 I am on a healthy eating kick! I could only have shetland pony. ,0,seamonkey healthy eating kick could shetland pony -"Did not sleep well at all, and have a very unhappy stomach. ",0,sleep well unhappy stomach -is hanging out washing ,0,hanging washing -bout to take my dog for a walk kinda tired aswell went training this morning ,0,bout take dog walk kinda tired aswell went training morning -"skooool i hope for some reason it is SOOO MUCH fun, and like the best. hehe",0,skooool hope reason sooo much fun like best hehe -@bradiewebbstack aww poor bradie stuff those vegies! Take a stand!!,0,bradiewebbstack aww poor bradie stuff vegies take stand -@vickybeeching saw someone at the apple store told that their warranty was voided cuz they unlocked their phone. ,0,vickybeeching saw someone apple store told warranty voided cuz unlocked phone -"up, and throat still hurts ",0,throat still hurt -italian lesson now! Bored! ,0,italian lesson bored -ooooooooooooh my headddd uncle johnny i never should have agreed to work the town election for you when I got that drunk last night....ow,0,ooooooooooooh headddd uncle johnny never agreed work town election got drunk last night ow -@shedfire MrsShedfire been taking pictures of you without your shirt? Bleeeech! ,0,shedfire mrsshedfire taking picture without shirt bleeeech -@cuprohastes Don't feed cars Milky Ways though - they don't like it. That advert was very misleading - breaking down on the A14 isn't fun ,0,cuprohastes feed car milky way though like advert misleading breaking fun -@johnnybeane me too... I'll see on Amazon uk.. otherwise they make me pay custom tax if I order it from the US ,0,johnnybeane see amazon uk otherwise make pay custom tax order u -NZ the place to be! Miss my own bed a bit though ,0,nz place miss bed bit though -just read R#42's amazing blog. so tired don't want to go to school tomorrow either. hmmph ,0,read r amazing blog tired want go school tomorrow either hmmph -"i hate being awake! going to school, western civ presentation andn a really awesome lunch.",0,hate awake going school western civ presentation andn really awesome lunch -has just discovered the downside of going away for the weekend - the food shopping still needs done ,0,discovered downside going away weekend food shopping still need done -"@_ophelia Haha, sorreh. I tries 2 spek normalz now k?",0,ophelia haha sorreh try spek normalz k -is that snow? ,0,snow -moulin rouge mad me cry!! once again! ,0,moulin rouge mad cry -Trying to Shout but can't find people on the list ,0,trying shout find people list -"ughh can't find my red sox hat, gotta wear this creepy nick pirro version ",0,ughh find red sox hat got ta wear creepy nick pirro version -slept wonderfully- finally. tried swatching for new project (Classic lines cardi) from stash but don't like colors must wait for now...,0,slept wonderfully finally tried swatching new project classic line cardi stash like color must wait