question_id,question_text,final_labels Question 1,"Title: Workplace Sexual Harassment while WFH Text: Hi, Hope it's ok to post here, but please let me know if not! I was wondering whether anyone has experienced sexual harassment from a colleague while working from home i.e. inappropriate texts, messages/comments during Zoom calls and Slack etc. Also looking to speak to anyone who reported a colleague for sexual harassment before or during lockdown and had their case delayed or poorly handled. I'm currently working on a sensitive article to highlight issues women are facing while working from home and would like to amplify women's voices while doing so. If you feel comfortable doing so, please message me or email: [scarletemily.hannington@gmail.com](mailto:scarletemily.hannington@gmail.com). You can remain completely anonymous. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2,"Title: Is my supervisor harassing me? Text: I am (20F) at a retail job. I love my job, and at first, he (31M) was my go to manager because he is the most knowledgeable. However he makes more and more comments, and makes me uncomfortable whenever we work shifts alone. For example, during an 8 hour weekend shift with just the two of us, he asked me the entire day how many men I've slept with, if I was virgin while looking me up and down. I told him it's none of his business and inappropriate, so I'd help customers, but as soon as they'd leave he'd get right back at it. I asked if I could grab lunch, he said not unless i told him. I went anyway. He still brings it up when we're alone, and argue that he'll tell his (he having 5 kids and a girlfriend ) to which I tell him I'm not interested. The day I met his girlfriend who came in to buy some things, he asked me if I thought he was the hottest in the couple; I responded no. Bending over once, he saw my tattoo on my hip and creepily asked ""are there more anywhere else?"" I just walked away. Then he told me ""you know, I am getting a vasectomy"" in a hinting way and I shut him down saying ""thank god your line can't grow anymore."" More recently he told me I'd look better blonde, and then other male coworkers ( I am the only young girl-the only other girl is married and 50) agreed and then told me to ""shake it"" outside to get customers. He also while alone asked if he was my type, to which i said no.And all the men there are best friends that I don't feel like I can speak up-not real sure if there's much to speak up about. I tell my best friend who tells me to leave and wants to fight him for me, but I just want support while I figure this out because I genuinely love my job, I'm good at it, but I dread having to work alone with him. He doesn't even recognize when customers make me uncomfortable. I complained after a transaction about a guy continually telling me to smile for him and making me feel unsafe and he said ""its smiling, it's your job."" There's only one guy who sticks up for me about creepy customers and kicks them out, but I can't talk to him about my higher up because they've been besties for about 10 years. Am I being harassed? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 3,"Title: [URGENT] I think a friend committed suicide. Please help. Text: *******IMPORTANT EDIT******* I NEED TO COME CLEAN WITH ALL OF YOU GUYS, THIS PERSON IS NOT JUST A FRIEND BUT A PAID THERAPIST. THE COMPANY THEY ARE EMPLOYED WITH DOES NOT TOLERATE NO SHOWS WELL SO THIS IS WHY IT IS CONCERNING. EVERYTHING ELSE IS ACCURATE IN MU POST. ******They have been talking about it last week but let me know they sought out crisis help and for a therapist. Today we were supposed to virtually meet up and they did not show up. Not answering texts either. I’m praying to God that this did not happen. I don’t know what to do. I don’t have any other way to contact them or their family. I feel like a piece of shit for not checking up on them or doing anything. I’m praying that this didn’t happen. Oh God Edit 1: still no reply from them. It’s been ~10 hours since I’ve first reached out to them. I was able to find what I assume their address. Attempted to call their local PD for a welfare check but they are closed on the weekends. No social media of theirs was found. I found their old cell phone number which is either off or disconnected (most likely). I found what I assume their wife’s or daughter’s cell phone which goes directly to voicemail as well. Please don’t spend your money to give me awards. Edit 2: Wanted to give you guys a quick update and thank all of you for the well wishes, advice, and just plain support you have provided me in these times. This morning I got an email from the company he works for. They told me that he is away due to a medical emergency. This means he is ALIVE. I am so happy all of my and your prayers have been answered. I do not know more details except those from the email but I will try to update you guys with the whole story when I can. I am also not aware if the medical emergency is due to a suicide attempt. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 4,"Title: Feel socially incompetent and anxious many days a week Text: I'm not sure if this is the place to ask this, if not, please tell me which sub would be better. Right now I'm feeling amazing, I feel fully aware of myself and my surroundings, confident and capable. Which only makes me wonder why most of the other time I feel so shitty (for no apparent reason). There're many days when my mind just feels clouded, I feel tired and sleepy, and I struggle with social interactions often being very akward. Activities that I can perform perfectly fine, such as driving or cooking don't come natural to me and make me feel very nervous. I often find myself being distracted very easyly On good days I feel fully confident of myself. I feel happier, more capable of performing my daily activities, and I think I could even pass as kind of charismatic when interacting with others. I've attributed it maybe to a bad sleep schedule, but even on days when I get plenty of sleep I can still feel shitty. So, I was just wondering what could possibly cause such a hard difference on my... mood?, personality?, from day to day. I really have no idea if this is something that I should consult with a psychologist or a psychiatrist, or if this is a change that most people can experience to this degree For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 5,"Title: Still suffering 12 years later? Text: I'm having a pretty bad day, and not sure why I'm so emotional, but I just navigated to this sub 30 mins ago and now posting. I've been physically free from my abusive relationship for about 12 years now. But whenever I'm having a particularly stressful time or feeling unwell (I have a chronic illness), I get nightmares and there he is, chasing me, attacking me or worse. I don't know if I need to get help for this? I don't know if I can ever leave it all behind, I don't really know the effect it's had on me. I had therapy whilst it was happening, and I've had therapy for other stuff afterwards, but never really addressed everything that actually happened. All kinds of abuse. Emotional, mental, physical, financial, sexual. I'm not sure what I'm asking here, but is this something that ever goes away? Lately when I'm feeling down about other stuff or just really run down, I think about what I went through and it still makes me cry. Do I need to look into this? I have so many other things I am dealing with in therapy it just seems like I will be totally overwhelmed. I think maybe I just needed to tell someone that on difficult days I am still struggling with the aftermath of this this, because I feel too ashamed to bring it up with people. Anyway, thank you for reading. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 6,"Title: After several years of therapy I no longer hate myself. I now hate everyone else though 🤨 Text: Not sure which is worse. Is it normal to feel like this ? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 7,"Title: I hate how I switch between wanting more scars and hating what I’m doing to my body. It’s so hard to stop, even though I want to so badly. Text: Self harm is the only thing that distracts from the pain and brings me pleasure anymore. I wish I could just turn off my addiction for more cuts and wounds and leave my body alone. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 8,"Title: Attention self harmers Text: So yesterday I actually came here to post the same bla-bla-bla about how I am indeed self-harming for attention and it makes me feel so fake and superficial, but I was surprised to find out that it’s in fact a very common post here. So I thought I would share an article that, it seems like, captures exactly the type of behavior that often is disregarded (number 4). https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/6-reasons-why-people-self-injure/ All reasons are valid. It’s okay, none of us fully understand ourselves. Have a safe day ❤︎ For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 9,"Title: all of my relationships are hollow and meaningless Text: I'm done... For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 10,"Title: I was about a year clean, but I can't find satisfaction in my life anymore, other than self harm. Text: My life is monotonous, my friends don't invite me to spend time, they don't reply to me, I don't find satisfaction in women, sex, alchohol, or drugs. Antidepressants don't work and my weight fluctuates constantly. My gut is killing me, I have constant issues with my bowels, I can't eat in the morning, I eat to survive, I don't enjoy it. I idealize and plan suicide. Days go by slowly, but I don't remember anything. I don't know what happened last week, or even yesterday. My only enjoyment and satisfaction comes from cutting my skin, wanting to just go ever deeper. I'm addicted to cutting myself, I can't talk to anyone about it. I just wish I could enjoy anything else. It sounds cliché, I enjoy pain, and only pain. What the fuck do I do when everything feels like nothing? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_active_ongoing" Question 11,"Title: Sexual Harassment Questionnaire Text: Selective Insurance is the lowest bid for local governments (towns, cities, boroughs) to buy for their government employees. (So, as we all know the lowest bidder wins the contract.) S.I. has these insured people (eg. council members, cops, garbage people, etc.) take a sexual harassment questionnaire, (sounds great, right?) however it is impossible to fail it, because when a question is answered incorrectly, they will tell you to pick another answer, so you can go onto the next question. Thus, not failing the questionnaire. This false security from sexual harassment. Why even have it at all? Anyone else experience this questionnaire??? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 12,"Title: Coping Text: hi, this a throwaway account. But I just don't know what else to do. I'm exhausted by the pain, for near a year I'm in constant pain and am so frustrated by the fact that I can't do or feel the things others can. I don't know where to go, and I feel like I can't go on. I just can't imagine continuing on like this, no doctor knows what's going on with me or why I'm in pain as I outwardly look like a healthy young adult, but just feel worn down and depressed. I am looking for advice on what to do. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 13,"Title: I just want some intimacy Text: I don’t mean sex. I just want someone to hold me lovingly. I want someone to cuddle with me. I want someone so wipe my tears away. I want to have heart-to-heart conversation or just sit together. I want someone’s fingers interlaced with mine. I want someone to tell me it’ll all be okay But I have no one. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 14,"Title: Rejecting someone in distress is damaging Text: Here you are, in another depressive state. You're struggling with your depression and anxiety again. You sleep more. You eat more. You isolate more. Maybe you shower more. You do more of whatever that easy comfort is. After some time in this state, you surely will meet someone. This person might be going through something similar to yourself or just genuinely cares about you. This may be an old friend, a new friend, a stranger, a coworker, or even a family member. At last, you're going to try to engage with this person. You've finally worked up the courage to ask them for that small human interaction like a walk, a coffee, a video game, a discord chat, something. But here it is: They reject you. They may know what is going on with you, but they still reject you. They may know it is incredibly difficult for you to be comfortable enough to interact with someone. They reject you anyway. As social creatures, we try this over and over again. It hurts even more each time and the climb to reach that courageous point is even further away each time. After each instance, your illness will question you, ""Has enough been enough yet?"" And, yet, you keep trying. Why do we keep trying? This game is getting harder and harder to play each time. The difficulty is increasing the longer we play. And, we aren't getting any better at the game. We are simply struggling harder and harder. You don't want to end the game, but where is that one moment where the game gets fun again? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 15,"Title: Should I get myself diagnosed? Text: I (F 16) am nearly certain I have ADHD. I've had almost all of the symptoms for all my life, and I just found out what ADHD was about a year ago. Ever since I was little, my family has always made jokes about my symptoms without realising, I've always been known as the lazy, forgetful, easily distracted one. And I used to get in a ton of crap for it, especially when I was being ""lazy"", ""forgetful"", etc. Now that I realise there's an explanation as to why, I'm wondering whether I tell my parents and go get help for it. My parents grew up in different countries where mental disorders weren't really a ""thing"", so they don't really believe in them and it's never been a conversation for us. I'm worried if I tell them about it, they'll just think I'm making up an excuse as to why my grades are dropping (I used to always be top of the class but because of the pandemic, my mental health has been declining and my ADHD is just getting worse.) I only have a few years left of school, and I don't think mine makes any accommodations for people with ADHD. Is going to get help for my ADHD worth having to tell my parents or will it be too late? I really love my parents and I don't want to potentially mess up my relationship with them. What do I do? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 16,"Title: I miss physical affection Text: Been single for a long time because I’m not very good at making relationships last or feeling safe and deserving enough of one to keep it going. Been cheated on in most of them, some of them I deserved it but I don’t think all of them. I don’t feel like I need one but it would he nice to have someone to hold or be held by once in a while, back rubs, head scratches, face touches. I just wish it was easy to have like a physical comfort FWB, not even needing to be sexual. I miss it but I don’t always feel like I deserve it. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 17,"Title: (tw: description of sexual assault) Me and my best friend were raped last night. What now? Text: I never really post on reddit but something happened last night and I don't know who else to tell other than some internet strangers. Last night, one of my close guy friends came over to hang out with me and my roommate. We all got really drunk and he was starting to get pushy. He was in the room with my roommate when I left to go get something from the kitchen. When I came back her door was locked. She was calling out for me and I couldn't hear her. I went back to what I was doing and then he came out and sent me in there because she was asking for me. She started crying like crazy and couldn't tell me why so I chalked it up to being drunk and helped her calm down and go to bed. After she was asleep he kept trying to get me to come closer and cuddle with him. I was okay with it. I told him I didn't want to do it but he choked me, held me down and forced himself on me for hours while I told him to stop. When I woke up I felt okay but when I saw my best friend's face I could tell that we both knew what happened. I just don't know where to start. I feel like it is my fault for allowing him in the house and introducing him to my friend. It hurts so much that he could come here and do that to both of us. I don't understand. And I just don't know what to do or who to talk to or how I can help my friend. I want to care for her but I'm having a hard time caring for myself. I need to figure out what to do next? How can I move on from this? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_ongoing Question 18,"Title: I think my sister just saw my freshly new cut Text: What do I do I don't want her to know that im cutting what should I do? Edit:She is healing my cut right know. 5:40 pm We had a talk. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 19,"Title: I've got nothing left Text: I've ruined my whole life. I'm a disappointment I have nothing left to live for. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 20,"Title: Does it ever stop Text: Does physical abuse actually ever end ? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 21,"Title: How do I support my younger brother? Text: For context: my brother was tested for ADHD /ASD/SEN as a child and all came back negative. We grew up in a single parent household, loving, able to do everything we wanted. Perhaps even spoilt at times. He rarely saw his dad as lived a life of poverty and petty crime. My brother (M24) was kicked out of high school (bad behaviour) & lost touch with his friends. He went to college but dropped out. Then, he managed to get onto a university course (thanks to our neighbour at the time) doing a practical subject he loved. He didn’t attend, didn’t write his essays and dropped out. During covid, we had many chats on how to support him; he was diagnosed with depression, given medication but only took it for a month and then stopped. He also stopped taking the meds for his insomnia. We’ve tried CBT, he went once and then wouldn’t get out of bed to go again. Post covid I managed to get him back onto the course but his attendance is currently below 15%. I tired to organise for him to stay on student accommodation but he chose to live with his dad who sick and in and out of hospital with serious diabetes. He has spent and continues to spend all of his time indoors speaking with ‘friends in America.’ He doesn’t respond to calls/texts/visits, doesn’t go to university, doesn’t have a job and seemingly doesn’t want to do anything to improve his circumstances, despite being openly unhappy. My mum and I (F29) have tried everything we can but he is often rude and in denial about his actions/choices/behaviour. He empathy is 0. Please help - I don’t know what’s going on with him or what else to do to support him For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 22,"Title: Surviving after leaving Text: Hey guys. Tomorrow will mark 4 months since I’ve left my sons father/abuser. How do you guys survive after the fact mentally and actually physically as well? I’m currently living in a DV shelter. I started off doing good, getting a job and having full time daycare. But my son got exposed to Covid at daycare and I got fired. So I’ve been trying to find a new job, but I’ve been taking my son out of daycare more since I’m not work and the daycare that I had full time hours cut my hours, since I’m not working. But it’s also preventing me from finding a new job now. I’m looking for a new daycare as well. Meanwhile, also looking for a place of my own. And trying to get legal aid for full custody. I’m a single mom of a baby boy who’s going to turn one this month. I have no family at all. I have little to no friends. Two of my best friends live out of state and I just reconnected finally with one other friend. I just feel so burnt out. I have no help at all. I try to coparent with my sons father as civilly as I can. But he’s such a flake. He’ll go two weeks without seeing his son and won’t care. But will hmu to talk about what’s going on in his day or try to get me back. What do you guys do to help with your mental state? I go to therapy already. But I feel so burnt out due to trying my best to get back up on my feet, but life keeps throwing punches my way. What helps you refresh? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 23,"Title: Help for my sister’s friend Text: As the title suggests, my sister has made a friend from an incredibly religious community. Anyways, my sister’s friend’s husband has been abusing her and I was wondering if there were any resources especially for someone that’s in the US not legally? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 24,"Title: Idk what I’m talking abt Text: So I had recently just started using razor blades and not the ones from the sharpeners, but the ones I’m usually intimidated by, well it’s whatever, but it started raining today and I’m at school and it’s pouring for a cool minute there my legs and arms stung from all the water and how cold the water was, it was so painful For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 25,"Title: My friend ran into my abuser Text: A friend saw my abuser at a store and said he looked old and withered and it made me happy. Am I a horrible person for that? She also yelled at him as she walked by. She was with me in court for my restraining order against him so she hates him possibly more than I do. Just wanted to tell someone. I wish I could go a day without thinking about his mean nasty voice in my head. It plagues me. It’s been over three years. But I have a little satisfaction knowing he’s not thriving. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 26,"Title: Sad on my birthday Text: Yesterday was my birthday. I (now 22F) woke up alone, as my boyfriend (23M) was still at work. He came home and didn't lay with me for the hour that we had before I had to get ready for work I went to work and no one really talked to me. My dad didn't bother to call me and say happy birthday. Every year I feel more and more lonely. I don't know why I have such a hard time making friends. People are friendly with me, but no one ever gets close enough for me to consider them a good friend. Sad to think that when my boyfriend and I get married, I won't have any bridesmaids. Today when the Taylor Swift tour was announced, I was so excited and couldn't wait to order tickets, and then realized I will have no one to go with. My boyfriend refuses to go with me, saying he wouldn't have a good time because he doesn't like her music, and that would be a huge waste of time. I have no one else that I can go with. I either go alone, or I don't go at all. I am so incredibly lonely in life. I fear that I'm only with my boyfriend because if I'm not, then I will truly be all alone. Does it ever get better? How do you make friends when you're not in college, and the only one in your work place in their twenties? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 27,"Title: Posted earlier here today and honestly it's only getting worse Text: I'm looking for where I want to end it because if I'm going to then might as well spend the money I'll have for the rest of my life to do it in style and to make it easier. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 28,"Title: UNDOING KARMA / IMPOSTERS SYNDROME Text: Sometimes i get sad thinking about how much intensity from years of negative thinking patterns i must free myself from. I can barely afford any treatment right now, and I’m championed for doing as well as i have been. but i wonder how much i neglect my mental health to be productive. Me taking a 2 year break to focus on my mind seems nice but unrealistic. I don’t want to be 31 with no income or property, although i can admit a lot of that is matrix driven peer pressure. I get imposters syndrome when i take an adderall and feel better. I think about how many people don’t have access to meds and therapy and get brought to tears sometimes. I feel lazy. I work hard with inspiration but after years of my brain creating delusions that kept me in bed and away from things i know i should be doing.. it can be difficult to get out of my head and into things For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 29,"Title: why are rape victims more likely to be assaulted again? Text: is this even true? it’s so scary to think about. especially since i’ve had to deal with forceful men since i was raped and it makes me near incapable of saying no or defending myself. i start to get frozen just like when it happened. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 30,"Title: why do my ""freinds"" act like this? Text: why do my freinds say things like this? Not just the constant use of the R word but basically anything deeper than ""look how big this girl on Instagrams boobs are!"" Anything deeper and more meaningful than that gets made fun of. They were watching a meme compilation where someone started singing ""this land is your land"" by Woody Guthrie. They were making fun of the song and I brought up it was made by woody Guthrie. ""Woody? From toy story!"" ""Yeah woody from toy story!"" And I'm like no... woody Guthrie. They immediately called him the R word and me the r word. Saying me and him are both worthless and not even worth being memorized. Wtf. My argument was obviously someone found worth in memorizing his words if it's sung in schools, national events, and holidays. One of my freinds thinks he's a rapper too so to make fun of another musician for... whatever reason I thought was silly. Same thing happened with Oppenheimer the nuclear guy. They were watching a video of a nuclear detonation and Oppenheimer saying the quote about being the destroyer of worlds. They questioned who the quote was from so I said ""Oppenheimer"" and they went ""gayheimen? I heard gayheimen!"" Then again said he'd be remembered for nothing, that I store useless information in my head and that I'm the R word and so is Oppenheimer. What is going on here? I'm not even saying I'm particularly smart but I know who Oppenheimer and Woody are. I have deeper thoughts than just thirsting over Instagram girls. Constantly I'm called gay for not thirsting over the girls they look at. They literally follow underage high school girls on Instagram. All day they spend talking shit and criticizing me for everything I do. Or anyone does, as if they're the most superior men on the planet or something. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 31,"Title: How did you cope with being harassed by a co-worker? Text: 2 weeks ago I worked a special event for my job. My coworker (48/M) was blatantly sexually harassing me (22/F). Asking if I wanted a 3 way with him and his fiancé, little touches, hugs without consent or interest in them, other inappropriate words. I didn’t report it because he’s been with my company for 3 years and is held in high regards with our busiest station and is genuinely amazing at his job. Today I worked another special event and he was my partner. His words escalated. His comments a lot more crude and blatant. I was going to roll over again and tell my scheduler when I work another special event, I didn’t want to be with him. The next two he told me he wouldn’t be working and I was relieved. He walked out to my car with me today before the rest of the team came out to theirs. He hugged me without consent. And then, as I turned away to get in my car and try to forget the day, he smacked my butt very hard. I sent an email to HR explaining with little detail that I was harassed two weeks ago and was scared to say anything, but today it escaped to inappropriate physical contact and I’d like to come in tomorrow to file a sexual harassment report. How did you cope with this? I feel guilty when I shouldn’t because he’ll lose his job (we work in EMS. he doesn’t deserve a job at all if he’s doing this, let alone one caring foe those in their most vulnerable state). I feel scared to file a claim against a co worker. I did this years ago when I was assaulted at a gas station and this is bringing up the same feelings I felt when I reported my assailant. Only now it’s much more personal because this isn’t a stranger, this is a man I work with who many people respect. Does anyone have any advice to help me cope with this and get through the process as best as possible? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 32,"Title: Awkward situation at work Text: I was hoping I could share my experience here, and get some feedback. Full disclosure, I am a 25 year old male. So I work in a law office. I’m sitting at my desk, doing my work, when my married female coworker comes and and lays a magazine on my dest (I share my office with another person, and the magazine was for them). While she is in there, I ask her about some polo shirts that were laid out in my chair before I came in this morning, specifically if they were for me. She said they were, and asked me about my shirt size. Apparently, they were originally for her, but they were too small. She ended up saying to me, “you look nice in these shirts” to which I reply, as she is walking out “oh gosh, thank you!” She glanced back at me, and she did not respond. I’m afraid my thanks may have made her uncomfortable. I’m afraid it was interpreted as something it was not meant to be. I never intended anything by it. I haven’t gotten any complaints or anything, but I still feel weird about what happened. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 33,"Title: I used to love Halloween Text: I'm ready to end it all at 16, no fucking way am I going through 70+ more years. I can't enjoy anything anymore, I feel passionate about nothing. I think I'm a schizoid since I don't want to make or like maintaining friends either. I can't even celebrate my favourite Holiday anymore since I'm a teen that doesn't get invited to shit. I can't brush my teeth, I'm severely depressed, I skip school. Can't stand the people there. I would be able to enjoy tomorrow with a fun costume and would've counted the days up to Halloween with a horror movie if I was still sane. I wanted to buy one with my Dad today, but he said no. He's celebrating that All-Saint's-Day Filipino tradition *today* for some reason with my extended family to visit my cousin who committed suicide. Hah. Irony, right? I'm gonna do something extreme tomorrow so either I finally lay down and or they actually wise the fuck up and realize how miserable this place this. My only regret is that I wish I'd seen the ocean more. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 34,"Title: i treat cutting myself like it’s a fun hobby Text: help. it’s seriously being a very bad addiction but i don’t know how to stop. today when i woke up, the first thing i did was cut myself. then i had somewhere to go, and once i came back home i cut myself. and just now i came back from something else and i literally ate a snack while cutting myself. i treat it like it’s a hobby or something, and i don’t know how to stop. i’ve tried other forms of self harm already, like rubber bands, punching a pillow, drawing on my skin, but nothing really works except for cutting because it’s the fact that i’m willingly making myself hurt and bleed that does it for me. i know this is really bad and i need to stop but i don’t know how. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 35,"Title: I made myself lonely on purpose. Text: I had two best friends, A and B. I was friends with them for years on end, and I shared literally EVERYTHING with them, from embarrassing experiences to cute boys to makeup. We could have a whole conversation about cheese and enjoy ourselves. We would fall asleep on Facetime together and wake up together. We would walk to Target, we would go out to eat, paint, have picnics. And it was mutual, if I listened to A and B's problems they would be happy to listen to mine. Its stuff many people on here would only dream of. But I felt like I was going in a different path than them, and they were the best people I met in my whole entire life. They still are, they didnt do anything wrong. The problem was, I wanted to meet other people and lessen my social anxiety because I used them as support so I didnt have to move forward, and I was B's support too. I wanted to go forward in life, but it was impossible to do so in that friend group. I ended up removing their number, and call me a bitch or someone who doesnt belong on this subreddit. Part of why I did it was my mom, she couldn't stand either of them. But I decided to do it because I found myself becoming B in the flesh. Her hobbies became my hobbies, stuff she was doing became stuff I wanted to do. We talked just like one another. It was mirroring but on a whole other level. I lacked an identity. I didnt want to be anyone else, I wanted to be me, but who was me. Now, as someone who has zero nada zilch friends, i understand my hobbies and likes a lot more clearer, but I miss them a lot. I vowed to talk to them again, well if they even want to talk to me again, once I achieved my goal of overcoming my social anxiety. If you read this far, then thank you! TL;DR, left my friends to find myself. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 36,"Title: Is it wrong for me to get urges the most when it’s other people who are in a bad place? Text: Not sure if the title is worded well, but yeah. I’ve found that I always wanna hurt myself the most after my friends tell me that they’re not doing well. I don’t think it’s because of mental health competitiveness.. even if it is I’d still feel this guilt. I think it might be because I never reach out to my friends, and when they reach out to me I wanna make sure I put no extra stress on them and lock up my own feelings even tighter, but then I just end up making myself feel ignored and ig when I cut it’s like... reaffirming I’m allowed to be upset? I’m not really sure. I feel like I’m bashing them or something if I self harm after they cry to me because I feel like that would be seen as sort of blaming them for it. Does anybody else feel anything similar? Am I just not a nice person and making their pain about myself? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 37,"Title: Need advice Text: My husband is very abusive and attacks me weekly. He threatens me that if I call the cops he will lie and tell them I hit him or I started it when that is not true at all. What do I do? Do I take the risk? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 38,"Title: I don’t want to die, but I no longer want to exist. Text: There is no point to this. Society has made it almost impossible to not live in a damn cycle of work come home, get 2 hours to yourself, go to sleep. And then you get to do it again. If that’s all there is, why even continue on. I’m never getting married or having kids, for personal reasons..So I don’t have a responsibility to continue on either, but I know I could never kill myself, which makes it even harder. I know there will be no relief for the pain I feel every god damn day. I’m jealous of everyone who is content living like a damn robot slaved to society doing the exact same thing everyday. I wish I could be happy doing that, but I just feel like I’m wasting my damn life away. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 39,"Title: its stupid but i just ordered a pizza from dominos and I'm proud for 2 reasons a) i now know how to order a pizza and b) I'm eating Text: (also this applies here because i purposefully barely eat as a way to harm myself) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 40,"Title: sometimes I just want to be heard Text: They don't fucking listen unless you say you wanna kill yourself. Music is my only escape from the outside miseries or life For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 41,"Title: Am I a bad person for wanting my rapist to die? Text: I knew him since we were little kids, and he decided to rape me about a year ago. It happened after a party, and we were both drunk. I just couldn't report him after it happened, I felt broken for months. And when I gathered my courage, nobody took me seriously. Not even my friends. It was horrible. He's still out there, and no one believes what he did to me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 42,"Title: Help Text: I live in a group home, so I'm usually kept safe. But ummm, last night I scratched my leg and left a wound. I'm having lots of trouble fighting my impulses to self harm and it's hurting my boyfriend more than it is me. What should I do? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 43,"Title: My English teacher called me out for being a loner Infront of a class of 65 excluding me. Text: She was taking a test. And then it was my turn. When I was going to her desk, she asked something to the whole class. ""Is she always this silent?"".Everybody said yes. Then she asked me, multiple times the same question. I said no but I wasn't audible. I wasn't speaking. I was just moving my mouth because I was nervous and when I'm nervous I cannot speak audibly. This fueled the situation even more. She asked me one more time the same question before moving on to the test as I had the same answer which was no. She asked me the question for the test and I was able to answer it. I thought it died down but then as I was going back to my seat, she asked me ""Who is your best friend?"". I did not answer till I reached my desk and when I did and got in, I answered ""No one"" She then started to ask me a ton of questions with concern. ""Do you seriously not have a single friend in this class of 65?!"", ""Are you uncomfortable with your classmates?"", ""Do you not like your classmates""?, ""What about your bench mate?"" The girl I was sitting to was not my friend. We never talk and I just met her this year. And I can guarantee she dislikes me too. So, I didn't answer. If I would have said yes, it would be a total lie and I hate lies like that and if I would have said no, it would seem rude. She then started lecturing me on how friends was very important. ""This is not your age to be so reserved. You need to open up more, speak more. What if you need help one day in the future but you have no one to call up?"" and so on. I was about to cry and she noticed it. She asked me ""Now, why are you crying?"" I did not answer. I did manage to hold my tears in and she kept on going on. Then finally, she told me to try to make friends and let me sit down. Everybody kept staring at me. She saw me yesterday, sitting alone on the floor in a corner away from others in our lunch break time. I was studying. And that's why she probably called me out but I know she's going to tell this to every teacher now and they're all going to call me out. I don't wan to leave my house even more now. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 44,"Title: I’m going to hang myself Text: Idk when but it will be soon. Good bye everyone. Whatever happens to me after this, who gives a shit. As long as I don’t have to live this life anymore. I was born to suffer and live in despair. I’m done with the games god and the universe are trying to play with me. IM DONE. IM DONE PLAYING THIS STUPID FUCKING GAME. I hope my neck fucking snaps when I hang myself too. I deserve it for being such a worthless piece of shit. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 45,"Title: I Was Blamed For My Own Sexual Harassment...By My Father Text: Hello all, So I’ve never posted here before but last night I was in the shower and I remembered something that made me feel instantly sick to my stomach. I think my brain actually blocked out this memory for a while because it was too painful to dwell on but for some reason-not sure if it’s part of my depression or what-I remembered what happened that day and I hope you don’t mind me sharing. It’s hard to talk about, and I never spoke to a therapist about it even though I know I should. I’ll give you the short version. Basically a couple years ago I was temping as a receptionist at my dads office. The regular receptionist went on vacation a lot so they would call me in to fill in for her. I was happy to do it. The pay was good, and once I got the hang of the email and phone system it was pretty simple. Most days I was bored out of my mind watching people pass by every hour, but one day this guy notices me sitting there and says he’s never seen me before. I smiled and told him I was just filling in for (let’s call her Debbie) and that my dad works there. He said something like “Oh that’s cool! Nice to meet you!” And walked away. Cut to about an hour later, he comes back to the front desk and offers me some cash. He says he might as well give it to me cause he’s not gonna spend it. My initial reaction was shock but I honestly was so shocked that I wasn’t really thinking properly. He also came closer to me and asked if he could hug me, again this has never happened to me before so I really wasn’t sure how to react. I said “Okay...” and he hugged me and gave me a total of $8.00. I honestly didn’t want to accept the money at all, but I was also scared of what his reaction would be if I tried to protest so I took the money, hoping he would leave me alone. A while later I told my dad about it on the car ride home and all he said was “Why did you take the money?” I found it hard to answer but I told him I really just wanted it to be over. He tells me if I had called the police I would have been asked why I took the money, and not taken seriously by the officer. I remember being speechless. I was in shock that my dad would blame me for something like this...to this day it still makes me sick to think about it and I guess that’s why I blocked it from my memory... I’m really sorry if this doesn’t count as sexual harassment but I felt like I was taken advantage of that day and to have my dad blame me for the entire thing still hurts... I don’t know what I should do with this information, like if I should take it public and let everyone know what a massive misogynist my dad apparently is...I don’t want to, I really don’t know what to do so that’s why I’m posting here anonymously. I just need to get my words out and get this out of my system. Side note: I was super uncomfortable with keeping the money, so I gave it to my dad to return to the guy and asked if he could ask the regular receptionist to have a word with him about inappropriate office behavior. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 46,"Title: Please Avoid This Site Text: So I was depressed Thursday night. I had used BlahTherapy before to vent, let some stuff out. It's pretty anonymous. So the listener I got seemed nice at first. Then he suggested exchanging nudes on Snapchat to help me feel better. I called him out on it, something along the lines of ""I'm having a mental health struggle. And you're asking me for nudes?"" And he said ""no, I'm not asking for nudes. I suggested we could."" That's still just as awful. I was so tired, angry and shocked that I unfortunately didn't even screenshot or report him. So later, I Googled it and turns out there's lots of issues on this site with that kind of stuff. If I had known, I wouldn't have gone on it in the first place. So please please avoid this site. Be careful if you're having a struggle. I am so disgusted and upset by people who are trolls and predators that would try to take advantage of mentally fragile people. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 47,"Title: Is it normal to just easily forget things, have trouble sleeping, feel paranoid, and feel like everyday you aren’t quite on this earth when you are depressed Text: I struggle w being “present” and this is something that adults in my life have actually noticed more recently For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 48,"Title: I have never felt this numb Text: I have never in my life felt this numb, i don’t really go out anymore and i don’t have energy to do anything else than watch tv. I quit drinking about a month ago which has kind of made my depression worse since i feel like i ”don’t” have a reason to go out to bars and stuff. I know it’s stupid to think so but i used to go out more when i drank For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 49,"Title: I feel so stupid Text: Basically my family is forcing me to attend college even though I'll be the one paying it all back. I asked for advice on some subreddits and got told I didn't have a plan when I thought I did. I relapsed over it all so much. Like my leg is covered all over again. Idk where else to go bc all the other subreddits mocked me and called me stupid and whiny basically. I know no one will read but it's a rant post ig. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 50,"Title: I can't wait Text: I want to die so so so bad I need to die I can't handle this good fucking god I really need to die I hate this so much aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 51,"Title: Need help for suicidal brother Text: Yesterday my brother talked to me and told me that there is a really high chance that he will commit suicide in the next 10 years. So he gave me the suicide letters for our mom , my brother and one for me. A little bit of context to understand my brother is needed to understand him and why he thinks that there is a really high chance. He suffers from some kind of chronic suicide headache which is currently treatable but only as long as his body can handle the pills (according to him 5-10years) + he has schizoid personality disorder and other minor health issues. I mean he will suffer unimaginable pain and he told me that the pain will definetly break him. I barely have any contact to him (due to his personality disorder and i live about 400km away) and he has no one except my mom. However he is the nicest person i will probably ever know. Whenever i struggled or i needed something he would figure out how to help me without expecting anything from me. He just helped me because he wanted to help me. So on one hand i want to help him somehow but on the other hand i understand why he struggles and that he wants to go while he still has some dignity. Now my question is how do i help him and what am i supposed to do ? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 52,"Title: this is frustrating Text: I started self harming a couple months ago, started out pretty deep (to me atleast) it was a coping mechanism to me, using shaving razor blades that didn’t belong to me and stuff on my upper thigh. but all of a fucking sudden, for some reason I can’t cut as deep anymore, it’s really fucking frustrating, like a month ago I could cut to the fat and now I can’t, and I want to, I can’t though. help me achieve this ability I had again, what can I do? I have one idea tho, that my blade I’m using is just getting jagged, I remember it was easier and felt like a hot knife through butter using new blades, it probably is that. well, thanks for the help For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 53,"Title: Found out today my dad is a pervert Text: (I'm new to reddit so I'm not really familiar with the ""r/"" thingy?? so I apologize if I put it wrong.) Hi Reddit, this has been stuck on my mind for a few hours now and I can't sleep. My dad and I went to go fetch my mom in front of a Drug Store. When my mom's service van arrived, she went in to buy some medicines while I was left with my dad in the car. His phone brightness was on the max and I bet even the aliens from the other planet can see it. He was scrolling on facebook when he showed me a photo of a dog then scrolled again. Photos of girls with sexy outfits appeared continuously while he tried to cover it using his hands lmao. And then, my friend's photo appeared saying that she just changed her profile picture. She was wearing a white short-sleeved cropped top with jeans. She was just standing there, and only half of her body was included in the photo. My dad just looked at it. I didn't mind. But he was LOOKING at it for too long now. It has been like around 20 seconds now and normally, people would just scroll after like 5 seconds idk?? I was honestly getting really uncomfortable. THEN, he freaking clicked it. and. STARED AT IT. I thought he would finally scroll but his sudden remark made me really, uncomfortable, and DISGUSTED. He said, ""Oh, dalaga na nga siya oh. Malaki na din hinaharap."" Which translates to, ""Oh, she's already grown up oh. Her chest also got big."" LIKE?? WTF?! WHO SAYS THAT TO A 15-YEAR-OLD GIRL?! So I replied, ""Bakit ka tumitingin!? 'Wag mo ngang tignan 'yan! Respeto na lang sa tao eh!"" (Why are you looking at that!? Don't look at it! Just respect the person!) I honestly didn't know what to say. I just feel really uncomfortable. Should I tell my mom? Should I tell anyone? But one thing is for sure, I ain't lettin' any of my friends near my house because of this. Ever. This one remark made me change the way I view him. And one of the reasons I dress conservatively is because of the cat callers and perverts on the street, then I just found out my dad acts like that, too? What if it's more than just staring at it when no one's there with him? I want to know your opinions about this, 'cause right now, I'm really overthinking. Do you think I should tell my mom? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 54,"Title: Anyone else not react to it for years after it happened, then get all the emotions at once? Text: When I was 14 I was gang raped. And then I just moved on with my life. I knew I'd been raped, but I barely even thought about it, and if I did, it was like ""huh. That was f*cked. Oh well."" I wasn't really upset or anything. Well, I'm 17 now, and for no reason whatsoever I feel like it happened yesterday and I can't handle it. I'm freaking out and I feel so stupid because I don't know why I'm so upset all of a sudden after all this time. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 55,"Title: I hate myself and i want to die Text: Im stupid i cant create anything, I’m doing an art course and I cant even make any fucking art let alone good art I feel like shit I just want to cut myself for days all I do is hurt my boyfriend and hes the only thing that keeps me alive and happy I need to go back on meds but none of them fucking work For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 56,"Title: Growing up without a father. Text: Hey guys, I am one of the many (black) man that grew up without a father figure. I think this plays a big part in the conditioning of my mental health today, because I tend to spend a lot of time on the taught of how life would’ve been if I had my father play a role in my life. Sometimes when I see my friends with their father; “I be like damn bro you’re spoiled” because they actually get help in areas I could’ve dreamed of being helped. Does anyone else without a father gets feelings like this? I wouldn’t call it jealousy because I am happy for them but I feel down bad a lot of times in life because it gets hard and I have this feeling that no one really understand how much it sucks to be doing/learning a lot of stuff by yourself. Shit is hard and I feel terrible today. I wish it could all be better. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 57,"Title: I wonder what it feels like to have never considered suicide Text: It's unfathomable to me. How do they do it? Are they lying? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 58,"Title: I hate people saying ""Don't kill yourself, some people will be sad about you"" Text: Their happiness is not more important than mines, saying this is like saying ""Your happiness (which is 0) is not important, you have to suffer and cry every day so some people won't be sad"" For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 59,"Title: I'm in love with my bestie and don't know what to do(im a girl lol) it’s so stupid lmao Text: I don’t know I was attached to her when she left for another country and posted her stories with other friends, I was so sad, I don’t understand myself, but I cut my own veins, yes it’s so stupid but it’s a habit . Sometimes you just want to run away from it and die For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 60,"Title: 16m, just want companions. Text: I am 16 years old; however, I look older. I would consider myself a very taciturn young man. I have recently had my house raided by the FBI, bomb squad and the Pennsylvania state police, I have been involved in some not so positive groups. I recently had my girlfriend break up with me; she had stated that she loved to many other guys to be with me, it's shitty it is and it is heartbreaking, to say the least. I would get so lonely I used to offer girls money just to date me; nothing sexual, it is still sad and pathetic for an individual to try and do that however. I have been becoming very frustrated by others and have found myself easily irritable, I just want someone to talk to. I have tried numerous therapists; however, I never can actually form a well structured relationship with them. I just want socialization; although, I do not wish for oversocialization to the point that I become hedonistic and begin to hate life. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 61,"Title: ""Hey wait a minute! "" Text: Yeah today a girl said that to me when i got out of class. She probablly just didnt want to go out of class alone but it still felt nice to know someone apriciates your time a little bit. I mean the fact that i recognized such a small thing is probablly very sad, but it made my day. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 62,"Title: i hate myself so much… i just cut myself Text: it’s not even as bad as i used to do it. i know that going deeper won’t solve anything if not making things worse… i hate my body too, i hate having to pee and having to poop. i try to postpone the latest as much as i can. i see my therapist once a week and i don’t know what to do anymore i wish someone would punch me in the guts and never see them again. the cuts are stinging a bit, i already took care of them For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 63,"Title: I’m broken and I can’t be fixed. Text: I can’t undo what was done to me, I can’t get my childhood back, and I’ll never just be a nice, normal girl. I must have been a proper cunt in a past life. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 64,"Title: Anonymous but please help Text: I got raped at a theme park around 15 years ago. I was 10. All this time I thought it was like a dream or something until I searched up the person and I saw his face and I am so lost but it was him. It all happened. Makes so much sense for the mess my mind is and how my life is gone. I don’t know what to do. I’m scared to tell any police and I don’t want people to call me a liar I just need help. I feel like I have to do something because I saw he’s still working at the park and around kids. I really can’t handle this so please help I’m lost. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 65,"Title: Sexual Harassment at Work Text: I’m a passive kind of guy (m50). I don’t bother anyone. I do my work and I keep to myself. I’ve been verbally and sexually harassed by this male coworker and his friend. They make lewd and crude sexual remarks that assail my masculinity to me privately and sometimes within earshot of other workers which is meant to humiliate me. On a few occasions they made unwanted sexual advances and I’m glad no one saw that. When I threatened to report them they started leaving crudely drawn sexual pictures of me around the office. That was meant for me to not report them. I’m so sick and upset about this. They even put these drawings on the windshield of my car. I’m not gay but they think I am. They call me a girl and they say I walk like a girl. I don’t know what to do. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 66,"Title: TW: SH and Un*living Self(Why don’t we have the freedom to do to our bodies as we wish?) Text: I am mentally ill. I have had chronic major depressive disorder my entire life. I’m 22 now. Something I want to know is why I am not allowed to have ownership of my own autonomy and be able to be allowed to do to it as I please? Why can’t I hurt myself and/or un*live myself if I want to? Why can’t I have control over my own body without being locked up in a mental institute for trying or doing so? As long as it isn’t physically harming someone else other than oneself, I don’t see the issue. I’m not trying to promote sh and/or un*living oneself, these are just genuine questions for myself. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 67,"Title: And here I am. Text: Another diary shit. You guessed it right, I did it again (+10 poin-)! There was much nore blood, but the cuts are not even that deep, I'm confused. Well, I guess my brain is just to dumb to understand simple to things ('Thanks, bro'), so I won't even try to precess this shit. Spent half an hour just cleaning and that was.. irritating? Annoying? Not satisfying at all? ('These are synonyms, you stupid bi-) And I'm tired. And I don't wanna sleep. Life is confusing Jeeesus Kristus. Welp, yeah. My mother let me stay at home for a week and she thinks I'm getting better because I simply don't wanna break her heart again, I love her too much and she doesn't deserves this kind of pain. I'll try my best to successfully wake up and go to school. Oh, and I finished reading 'This is going to hurt' and it feels like it gave me even more depression than life overall. Like, I cried so hard over it (Thanks, Adam) that my eyes are dryer than the Sahara desert. Now I'm about to go watch something funny again. Damn, it feels like YouTube is too small for my needs. It feels like I've managed to watch every single funny video there. Hopefully, I'll find something and spend the rest of this (not really) beautiful night smiling and laughing. Maybe I should watch 5-minutes-craft instead? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 68,"Title: I can't keep going. Text: I'm so fucking scared all the time. I'm 26 and so unhealthy and obese and my health problems due to that (sleep apnea) are keeping me awake at night. I've been dissociated nearly every moment of every day for 2 months. All I do is google the same things over and over again looking for a possible solution. I feel like I'm going insane. I've switched meds countless times because all of this started when I tried to get off lexapro over a year ago. I'm back on it now but it's only been like.....5(??) days and I was taking a stupidly low dose because I forgot that 10mg is the normal starting dose. This is just so stupid. I'm so dumb for letting my weight and my health get this bad. I don't even know how I'm going to lose the 40+ pounds I need to lose in order to qualify to get a device that could help with my sleep apnea. I wish I didn't hate CPAP masks. They're so uncomfortable. Hell, I've even been considering surgery, lord knows I know nearly everything about them by now because I've only googled it 12 million times. I dropped out of school to focus on my health. I don't have a job because I'm chronically tired. I basically live off my parents. I'm a mooch. A stupid, crappy mooch. And every day is torture and getting doctor's appointments takes too long. I just....I don't want to die but I don't want to be alive anymore. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 69,"Title: Was this sexual harassment? Text: I was camping with my friends (me, 1 girl and 4 boys) for my friends birthday. On the 16th we were all so tired and too lazy to do anything so we all decided to spend the day in the tent (that was like a 6 man) and we were all laying close to each other and all getting along, and this boy (who I guess I was friends with) rested his head on my stomach (with a pillow behind his head on my stomach) and he laid on his side, as he was doing that he was resting his arm across my thighs (a bit above my knee) at the start I thought nothing of it and he was just resting his arm. Then he began to stroke my thigh a bit (at the time I had no idea what to do, and a friend whispered to me if I was okay with it, and I just didn’t know what to say) then he began to move his hand up the outer end of my thigh as to further up and squeeze it a bit. I wanted to say something in the tent I just felt like me and my whole body froze with fear, and couldn’t move, and I felt so sick. It felt like I forgot what was happening and went somewhere else for a few seconds. And now thinking about it makes me feel so sick and disgusting. I wanted to do something so bad but it meant I’d have to acknowledge it was happening and I just couldn’t. After my two girl best friends got me to message him, and luckily my other guy friend said we’d avoid him. What annoys me the most is someone could have said something. There was this guy there who literally had a massive crush on me and said nothing. He even defended the guy and was like “maybe he didn’t know what he was doing”. What’s scared me the most was the fact I always thought I’d be the kind of person to get angry at someone touching me, but I didn’t I just froze. It’s now two years later and I don’t think about it all the time but when I do it still makes me feel upset. I also haven’t been in a tent since - the thought of it makes my chest feel tight and I want to panic. I also thought the guy looked like Evan Peters from American horror story so for the last two years I haven’t watched any episodes even though I really want to. Also idk if this is me being dramatic or not and idek know if I should be feeling this way. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 70,"Title: Just talking Text: The so-called 'psychotically depressed' person who tries to kill themself doesn't do so out of quote 'hopelessness' or any abstract conviction that life's assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill themselves the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire's flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It's not desiring the fall; it's a terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling 'Don't!' and 'Hang on!', can understand the jump. Not really. You'd have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 71,"Title: Every time something remotely negative happens I want to sh Text: It’s so annoying and impossible to quite self harming because of it. It doesn’t matter if I’m just tired, or if I got into a fight with someone. Anytime my brain feels anything that’s not happy I want to hurt myself. The more I sh the worse the urges get, and it’s driving me insane. Even when I go months without it I still think about it some. I’ve been self harming for two years now and I don’t think it’s ever going to end. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 72,"Title: Why anal rape? Text: Rape is horrible enough, but why do they then rape you in your backside? Do they not understand how horrible and painful and gross and humiliating it is? They have already devastated my life, so why do that to? I don't understand. I don't understand why any rape happens. It should something that doesn't exist For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 73,"Title: No one wants to help Text: I scream for help everyday and no one cares. People just don’t care about me. They care about “doing the right thing”, which is keeping me alive. Life is pain i say, use your meds they say. It’s all fake. No one is real anymore. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 74,"Title: Workplace sexual harassment? Text: So I’m a 28 year old male working at a bank. I have a woman coworker I’m very close with. I consider us to be best work friends. She’s married with children and I’m gay, she and everyone knows this. However when I go to her office and just chat, multiple times she stares and looks at my crotch. It makes me uncomfortable because I notice it every time. I just need to get it off of my chest, I couldn’t possible rat her out to HR and cause a scene. I just don’t understand why? And shes not the only woman I’ve notice doing it, there’s one other. Has anyone had this problem? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 75,"Title: I'm so, so tired Text: I'm so tired of seeing people my age doing all the things I wish I could do and have. It hurts so fucking much. I'm in so much pain please let me die For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 76,"Title: Somebody get attached to me Text: I don’t care to lie I miss being needed tf. I miss caring about somebody,supporting somebody,being there,I really fucking miss someone being so attached that their anxious when we aren’t together I know it sounds toxic but it’s true. I’m tired of being the only anxious one I miss being missed and obsessed over 😭 “you sound narcissistic” so lol For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 77,"Title: I don't care about money or material things Text: I graduated in business and I don't care about money or material things. I don't care if I have $400 or $400,000 in my bank account. I don't care if I have a porsche vs. a honda or the latest iphone. It's messed up. I see other people who need five cars and three homes and all this other stuff and I could care less. I also feel like I can't hold down a stable relationship with anyone or I'm not compatible with many people because of it. The one girl I knew from hs was the opposite of me - take, take, take, until I had nothing left to give. She was so toxic that I don't even care if I get laid anymore. My social life sucks. I've never had a gf, but I don't even know if I can function in a relationship. My family is good and I've had a better upbringing then most people. I got a new job out of college, and the people there seem nice. But I don't care about the money and the people outside of my family are always toxic. I have nothing to work towards or strive for. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 78,"Title: Can I be put away for having suicidal thoughts? Text: My mom said she can call and have me put somewhere for mentally ill people. I’m 18 years old. There’s no way people can just legally hold me somewhere against my will. If so then that’s fucked up. I’m not insane, I can still be reasoned with. I’m not a threat to others. There’s just no way. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 79,"Title: Need an internet pro to help with harassment Text: A fake Instagram account is messaging me with my nudes threatening to “expose” me. Is anybody in here an internet whiz who can see if that person has any other Instagram accounts? Or can point me in the right direction? Thanks so much in advance For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 80,"Title: Old scars visible after exfoliating Text: I've been clean from self harming for probably 8 years now. I would say I'm fully recovered! I've started getting back into skin care and got a sugar scrub to exfoliate all the dead skin. I just noticed that old scars on my tummy are visible for the first time in a long time. Has anyone else experienced this? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 81,"Title: Next week my sister will marry my rapist. Text: And I will go to the wedding and smile and pretend nothing is wrong because I'm a goddamn coward. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 82,"Title: It’s not fair that it’s on my mind 24/7 Text: I hate how debilitating it is to have to think about it constantly. I get away from it for a second if I think about something else bad, but I feel like what happened to me is always in the back of my head. It’s especially not fair because I’m almost 100% sure he doesn’t even remember me at all. He can just go on in his day to day life. It’s so evil that rapists can just feel like they want to get off one day and ruin your life forever. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 83,"Title: Self-Harming for seemingly no reason Text: I tend to cut myself for no reason, just randomly decide to go get my pocket knife and cut myself (Somewhere Private). Not for any specific reason, just get the urge to cut whenever I think about it. I might have BPD if that changes anything. Am I alone? Does anyone know why? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 84,"Title: Ex is in jail for felony DV and a private investigator came to my house Text: My ex has been in jail for about two weeks after a very violent fight. I have been staying with friends for a few days and when I came home today, there was a private investigators card in my door. The court advocate said that this would likely happen and that I’m not required to talk to them. He and I have a long history of him abusing me, most of which I haven’t reported. He was arrested 12 years ago on a misdemeanor DV in a different state but I didn’t cooperate so he plead out to probation. Last year I got a civil restraining order against him but later dropped it after we “reconciled.” This past week he beat me so bad and then kept me in the house for four days because my bruises were awful. I ended up leaving through the bedroom window and begging neighbors for help when he continued to threaten me. This time I told the police what happened and allowed them to take pictures. He was arrested and charged with three felonies and a misdemeanor. What exactly is this PI looking for? Has anyone else dealt with this? Feels like it’s an insurmountable mountain at this moment. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 85,"Title: Relapse after 5 years Text: Okay… hi everyone! My name is Austin, I am 22 years old, and I was previously 5 years self harm free before today. I never stopped being depressed, I have struggled with depression for roughly 10 years now (being Borderline Personality Disorder probably doesn’t help that either). But recently it’s been extremely difficult. As I said previously, it has been 5 years since I last self harmed. I decided to dedicate my energy to quitting self harm when I was 17, as I had lost my daughter only 3 months after her birth due to SIDS. I tattooed my arm with a Violet (her name was Violet) as a constant reminder that I am bettering myself in memory of her. Flash forward 5 years, I am now in a new (not new) relationship of 2 years. I am happy for the most part. The depression and anxiety doesn’t prevent me from feeling happy on a daily basis, it just prevents me from being happy in a long term sense, and my overall mood and health have suffered. Today I just had one of those really bad days. The kind where everywhere you turn it feels like the universe is kicking you down and keeping you there. I do have some superficial cuts on my arm as of right now, and I don’t want my current partner to know about it. I do not plan on falling back into cutting, this was just a temporary setback… it happens, and I’m not going to let it get me down. However, I am out of practice in hiding cuts. I haven’t cut since I was a teen after all… and I can’t exactly wear a hoodie for the next week. It’s 80+ degrees outside and she will know something is up. How can I conceal these cuts until they heal? Will makeup work? Or will it irritate the wounds and make it worse? Any advice is helpful and appreciated! Thank you for taking the time to read this, I know it’s long and boring, and please know that I am not in any danger, nor do I have current self harm tendencies or a plan to continue self harming. Thank you! -Austin For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 86,"Title: Sexual exploitation Text: Hey I’m in a bad situation with someone having nude pictures of me and threatening to leak them if I don’t give them money. What can I do? I know the location they live and there name, no address though or photo. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 87,"Title: Neighbor's Abusive Ex Threatened Me Text: I'll keep this brief: my new neighbor is getting out of what she described to me as a domestic violence situation. Somehow, her ex-partner got hold of her phone, and through it, my contact information. He has since blown up my phone -- every time I block him, he calls from another number -- and in one voicemail, threatened to kill me and burn my home down. I have no idea how serious he is, or why he is targeting me alongside her, but I'm pretty rattled. Do I have grounds to file for a restraining order? What is the best course of action here, both for me and for her? Really grateful for any advice. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 88,"Title: Idk if I was raped or not Text: I was raped a couple of years ago…I think. My friend and I went out for drinks (I was 19 btw). A stranger guy came up to us (he was maybe 30) with his friend. We went back to their place within maybe a minute of talking. I’d had maybe 6 or 7 shots and was a lightweight. The guy’s friend took my friend downstairs. I *might* have consented to have sex with him, but I wasn’t in my right element since I’d never do that sober. I remember telling him I was a virgin He proceeded to: 1. Push me on the bed 2. Bite me 3. Suffocate me by putting his chest across my mouth 4. Ordering me to do things to him without asking what I was comfortable with, giving commands 5. Didn’t stop even when I said I was bleeding 6. Told me to get into different positions 7. Told me to say things to him and got angry when I didn’t say them. 8. Tried to take pics of me. My friend and his friend came back and he said to me ‘hey X, he hasn’t seen your breasts yet’ and drunk me flashed him. They were both giving me dirty looks. My friend and the guy and I all got into the same bed. He wrapped my hand around his junk and kept touching me even after I’d put my clothes on. We left in the night. Turns out the guy’s friend and the guy also fingered her while we were in bed. Anyway, was this rape? I always worry that 1. I was into it or ok with it 2. Maybe the guy didn’t mean to hurt me? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 89,"Title: My rapist raped again Text: I was raped 2.5 months ago. I was too afraid to report it and ashamed. I finally worked up the courage today to confront his girlfriend so that I could warn her. She immediately believed me (much to my surprise) and confessed he's been raping her too. We're going to go to the police together today. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 90,"Title: How do I make myself leave Text: I keep doing things I don’t want to do and staying with my abuser, despite having multiple ways out and safety plans, because I’m scared to tell him no and scared to tell him I want to leave. Even though I know he’s eventually going to be mad at me anyway as always; we’re just in the honeymoon phase of the cycle right now. I waited for this, the calm between the storms, for my chance to go. And instead, I tell myself 100 times a day how mad at him I am and how much I want to leave, but then I cherish every nice moment with him; procrastinating the inevitable. Eventually I’ll wait too long and he’ll be angry again. Threatening me, punishing me, telling me he’ll kill himself if I leave so I’ll have to stay for months until it calms down, again. Kicking myself for not doing this when things were calm, just like always. I guess I’m trauma bonded or whatever. I don’t really know. I just know I want out, but I want things to be okay. I’m scared he’ll get madder than ever if I leave, based on how mad he’s gotten any time I tell him I want to leave. I’m scared he’ll either actually kill himself or show up at my moms house where he’ll know I’ll be with guns or something until I come out, or what if I’m not there and he holds my mom hostage until I agree to go with him? Maybe I’m overthinking, but I truly believe he is one of the ones capable of anything. Any time I tell anyone they just say to get cops involved, but I don’t like how cops handle these situations, plus he has told me explicitly many times that he will kill me and then himself if I call cops or otherwise cause them to come, like screaming too loud or something. He hasn’t been violent with me in a long time. But he knows I don’t want to be here and he knows I don’t want to do the things he tells me to do. I just stopped saying no so we don’t really argue anymore, until I ask for something or I say no to him. If he can’t even handle the word no, how will he handle the ultimate rejection of me leaving? If I can’t even say no, how will I ever be able to say goodbye? Then if I leave, do I just leave a letter? I know I’ll probs never have the courage to do it face to face. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 91,"Title: Having a moment❤️ Text: Happy new year everyone. I feel pretty good right now. My ex is in jail. I’ve decided to move out of my current apartment before his release. I may go as far as moving hours away from my current city. I can always come back to visit and when I do I’ll be too busy with friends to worry about running into him. I know with enough time running into him won’t even bother me... it’ll be like walking past a piece of dog shit on the sidewalk. Anyways, I’m just pretty proud of myself right now. It took me a very long time to be able to physically defend myself from him. I had gotten in a couple fights when I was a kid and had always been able to hold my own until him. It took a very long time for me to be able to fight back with any success. It feels great to be sitting here in this nail salon getting my toes done, imagining him sitting in jail, replaying the last time he showed up at my front door and tried to over power me. I bit him so hard part of his tattoo came out in my mouth, I tore his clothes, I gave him a bloody lip and sent his ass scrambling out the door of my apartment building. He was scared and desperate to get away from me. I don’t consider myself a violent person but it’s just so satisfying to think about. I never thought I would be okay and I’m actually almost there and I hope no matter where you’re at in the saga, that you make it out.❤️ For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 92,"Title: i really wanna hang myself rn. Im not going to do it, but i really want to Text: im not feeling good this morning so im cutting up my leg rn ): but it happens u know sometimes things suck and u gotta cutt (i already know cutting is bad so please dont mindlessly spew taht out in the comments. i also know how to take care of my cuts) ~~~~~~~ *edit: hey, i noticed the comments have been getting spicy and i would like to put my thoughts here instead of repeating them in the comments- please DONT comment something along the lines of ""i care about you"" or ""i love you"". we are strangers on the internet. you dont know me, i dont know you, we dont know them. that means nothing to the receiving end. please DO share your own experiences and how they may compare or contrast! i and others would much rather like to hear that we are not alone. theres also no harm in wishing others well rather than telling them things WILL get well. also, please dont be toxic to each other. i can handle toxic comments, but idk other people's headspaces right now and id rather this post be a chill space than a nasty one. thank you.* For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_active_ongoing" Question 93,"Title: I think im gonna do it soon Text: Ion know. I guess i js been cruising through life w a “its gonna get better if i wait” or “fuck it we ball” mentality. Its not really working though 🤷‍♂️ i mean life’s been getting better but at the same time it feels like my mental state been getting worse. I cant enjoy the things i have without thinking about other things. It feels like everything negative has just been piling up in my head, and ive been getting closer and closer to js ending it. Iono what to do about it but i felt like putting it here for some reason 😱 doesnt matter tho. Ill be outta everyones hair soon lol For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 94,"Title: Sh playlizt? Text: I listen to songs when i cut sometimes and im wondering if any one else does the same here as well so if yes then what songs do you listen? My kist has random songs i just like the vibe of tbh like little dark age (mgmt), false priest?(nightspace), miss you (southpark), for the best (gregory and the hawk), rhine stone eyes (gorillaz) and choking on flowers (fox academy). Like they help keep my head cool and stop me from going overdoing For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 95,"Title: my friends get mad when I talk about me self harming Text: I opened up to my friend group of 5 other people and told them that I cut myself. But whenever I try to talk about it they just try and avoid it. I know that they can't really understand it or help a lot other then just saying ""you need to get help"" but I really need someone to talk to. Is this selfish to want them to care more? I can't talk to my mom or dad for other reasons but bottling up everything just fucking sucks. One of my friends say stuff like ""you shouldn't talk about it to the rest of our friend group cuz they think it's annoying."" Or that they think I just bring it up for attention. I feel guilty for putting my problems on other people so I have just kind of dropped it and keep to myself more. The last time I talked to any of them was I think 12 days ago. I think I ruined my relationship with my friends and now I don't know what to do. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 96,"Title: Don’t feel a thing Text: TW: descriptions of depth, SH etc. So I’ve been self harming for a long time, & have been pretty obsessed with going deeper. I do it on my legs/ hips so it’s not as dangerous since I’m not super thin or anything. I always go pretty deep like to the hypodermis (fat) usually, or at least that’s the “goal” in my head. But sometimes I don’t even feel it? Like today I couldn’t feel it at all when I was doing it, so i went rly deep, just cause I could & didn’t rly feel it? I could feel cat scratches a bit, but not the fat wounds much at all, sometimes they’ll hurt rly bad, sometimes it’ll feel similar to how it looks, but not today. It was like I wasn’t even fazed by what I was doing, sometimes that freaks me out, others curse & wince at a paper cut or cooking burn making a big deal over it but I just cut myself purposefully pretty deep (sometimes) without moving a muscle, it just doesn’t feel like anything, physically or mentally (in the moment) sometimes, & I’ll often zone out, like I’m turning off my mind to do it more efficient & calmly, sometimes it makes me feel strange, like I am not a normal person. After awhile I felt pain inside my leg, like internally? Idk if that’s related or not but the wounds don’t hurt much at all. Idk why? Is that weird? I know self harmers say it doesn’t hurt normally often but sometimes it does? & geez that’s a hell of a pain tolerance if it’s as simple as that. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 97,"Title: I don't want to be happy Text: I am often told that I need to figure out how to be happy. And then work towards it. The truth is, at this point, I don't want to be happy. I just wanna die For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 98,"Title: Nobody but self harmers seem to have any understanding of this Text: I just need to have a bit of a rant for a bit. I've be talking to a lot of close friends, my therapist, and too a small extent my parents about my self harm and I'm completely shocked out how it seems to just go straight over their heads. The worst is my therapist because she should know better. She said instead of self harming I should use a rubber band or write on my arm and every other replacement that isn't even remotely effective. I explained how much this has a grip over me and how doing that is akin to telling a heroin addict to substitute it with weed. All she did was nod her head and move on to the next topic. My family and my friends are even worse. My parents just straight up don't understand and make no effort to try while my with my friends it goes in one ear and out the other. I explain to them how hard it is to deal with emotional flash backs day in, day out and that this is one of my only methods to relax without just decompressing for 30 minutes to 12 hours. But they act like I should just use a bit of self control and just deal with my emotions. I tell them to imagine the time they experienced the most difficult and powerful emotion they've ever experienced and ask them what it would be like if they experienced that every single day for 12 years. Nope. Nothing. They literally just don't get it. I'm frustrated because it feels like I'm alone in all this. I can't depend on anyone for the help with this whatsoever other than doing PTSD therapy, but that'll take years and years to become emotionally stable through that. This is basically the only place I can come to were people actually understand this. Frustrates the absolute hell out of me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 99,"Title: Fake Therapist used my story to rape me [Update] Text: [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/rape/comments/jkflcg/fake_therapist_used_my_story_to_rape_me/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) I really appreciate all the kind comments and helpful information you all provided me. I’m not convinced yet, but I especially appreciate your insistence that I’m not an idiot. Here’s what I learned so far: The name he provided me was real, but he looks nothing like the photo when i look the guy up online The office space he used was real, but was supposed to be closed for COVID-19 and the actual employees of the location have been doing Zoom appointments only. This explains why he was so rigid with scheduling. I suppose he found a way to access the building but only during a specific time He did the same to someone else, ultimately raping her less than 24hrs before he got me. We found each other by chance and have since discovered we came across him initially in a similar way. We are going to work together to track him down and seek justice as he’s kinda just disappeared. Finding her and realizing how elaborate a scheme this all was has helped a bit but I still feel like a fool. Lastly, I’d like to remind some of you, that the rapekink sub still exists and that is not where I posted my story. Thanks so much everyone For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 100,"Title: Is it normal to “write something“ Text: So I sh today and normally just do like lines or whatever but today I kinda wrote something idk if wrote is the right word but I like cut a word onto my arm. Idk if this is normal or if anyone else has ever done it? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 101,"Title: ive become so sensitive that even the most miniscule things make me suicidal. Text: like i cojld be having an okay day and something small comes along, like i get a bad grade or i disagree with a friend, and boom: i want to end it. and you know what the worst part is? i dont want to get better. i dont know how to exist any other way. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 102,"Title: I caved after 5 years Text: Im tired of people not listening to me, or not taking me seriously, or thinking i know nothing. Im constantly doubted, (wrongfully) corrected, and when they find out im right, gaslighted. Is it so impossible to believe i can know things? When others say the exact same thing as me theyre not questioned so why the hell cant i know shit? Just because i look like a pushover doesnt mean you can just decide im wrong. Usually this stuff pisses me off but i dont act on it cause a quick google search usually shuts people down. But this guy was so obnoxious just now ive absolutely had it. I was telling a story about a memory i have and they so fucking confidently told me MY memory was wrong. They dont even share the fucking memory and it wasnt even anything unbelievable. ""I dont think so. That sounds wrong. What probably happened was-"" shut the fuck up you werent even there what the hell do you know. I havent cut in 5 years (completely different reason) but this has been going on for so long and that was my last straw. I grouped up every fucking memory of me being overlooked, underestimated, gaslighted and silenced and put it on my arms. Im not proud of it, and what makes it worse is that i enjoyed it. Now i gotta wait for these to heal again. Good thing is winter. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 103,"Title: Craving human connection Text: I’m so beyond touch starved. It just adds to my depression. I wish I had someone to just lay with and feel the warmth next to. Everything feels so cold. I think about people I’ve slept with in the past and how there was no love there or how I was the only one who felt love. I think about having been asked on a date in 2 years and how most men don’t give me the time of day. I want human connection but can’t seem to find any. Everything just feels so bad. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 104,"Title: I just want to shout out that I am 36 days clean Text: that is all :) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 105,"Title: Money Text: I’m 19 and I’m at my lowest point in life. Growing up Mormon I always had such a strong belief and grit and so I could get through a lot. About a year ago I decided that mormonism probably wasn’t true, and so I honestly didn’t know what my purpose in life is. I believe that nothing you is good or bad unless you have some objective. I now don’t have any objective or path in life. This lead me to start making horrible financial decisions. Uncharacteristic of me because my whole life I was always disciplined and logical when it came to financial decisions. I’m now $75,000 in debt, my dreams of becoming a d1 athlete never panned out, I have no job, and I need to come up with $1500 today or I’ll loose my car. If I were talking to my 15 year old self, he would have told me to get back to work and fix my life. But since I have no longer see a path that I’d be happy in life, I just want to end it. I also feel really bad because all of my friends and family help me too much and I don’t really reciprocate anything. I’m kind of a just a lazy sack of shit For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 106,"Title: Why doesn’t my high school do something about people being sexually harassed or raped in school? Text: My high school is in Pennsylvania, United States. There has been possibly about 30 people that have claimed/have proof went to court for being sexually harassed or raped. Someone went to court and filed rape, sexual harassment, etc. A few months later he pled guilty. And the school did nothing about it even when proof was shown. They also schedule the next classes with the person that got raped with the rapist. I just think this is completely wrong. I want your guys opinions though! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 107,"Title: Rapist has a Girlfriend, Should I text her? Text: **\*\*\*Trigger warning, sexual assault, r\*pe\*\*\*** *Dear Reddit,* The details of my sexual assault are not important for this discussion, but I do have a question about the aftermath. **The Story:** After 2.5 years, I ran into my rapist at a party. I had noticed he had been awful friendly with a girl so I asked someone at the party and they informed me that woman is his girlfriend. He approached me at the party and asked, ""are we good?"" (so immature IMO.) After answering ""no"" I asked,""have you told your girlfriend about me?"" To which he answered ""sort of."" **My Question:** Is it my duty as a woman to talk to my rapist's girlfriend? **A thing to keep in mind:** I did not report him but he does admit fault. **My thoughts:** What if he twisted the story to where he doesn't sound like a bad guy? What if he told the story as is, and she doesn't think it was sexual assault? What if he lied about telling her? **Conclusion:** Should I talk to her, or let them live their lives since it's been so long? Thank you for your time to read my post. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 108,"Title: I’m going to off myself FUCKKK Text: The pain of dying can’t outweigh the pain of living For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 109,"Title: “I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone“ Text: This quote by Robin Williams has destroyed me. I’ve realized why I hate being with people more than being alone, even if I’m smiling and having fun. *EDIT* wow, thanks so much to every single supportive comment. means more than the world to feel supported. to everyone suggesting social media is a cause of this- is not the case here. i don’t use social media, because I know the conversations on there don’t follow me to my grave ❤️ real life human connection does. today was a good day, thankyou everyone for your love. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 110,"Title: insufficient evidence Text: after a year of suffering because of his actions, he gets away with it. he assaulted four women in one night. he raped me. and he will have no repercussions. his friends lied for him and they took their words as truth. fuck the system. fuck him. fuck my university. idk what to do, i’m just so incredibly devastated For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 111,"Title: I had my first therapy appointment ✨ Text: Haha, that was absolutely terrifying, but I did it so. I have gone to therapy before, a few years, but I didn't want to be there and wasn't ready to honest. But today I saw (via zoom) a university therapist and she was really nice. I even told her that I self harm and my gender confusion, and I didn't get in trouble or anything. Haha, I don't even know what I'm feeling right now (kinda overwhelmed) but I know my one friend who know I made this appointment is proud of me. Ah that was so scary. I have another appointment scheduled for the 14th. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 112,"Title: My very abusive ex and rapist moved back to my small town Text: After the court proceedings, I moved out of state. I was running away from everything and didn’t want to accidentally run into him. A year later he moved away from my town to over an hour away. I moved back home and felt happy knowing he wasn’t here anymore. Now 4 years later he has moved back to my hometown. I hate this. I know it is inevitable that I will run into him. I hate him, I hate this. I wish he would die . The very least he could do was stay away from my town forever. My sister had to serve him coffee today at the hospital. He’s having his second kid with his new women. His third baby momma. He has 3 previous kids which he has no contact with because of DV and him being an evil person. He makes me sick. I saw someone that looked like him while walking downtown and started gagging and freaking out. I want to move but this is MY hometown. He grew up in a differenty state. My family lives here. I have an affordable home here. And he’s ruining it AGAIN. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","domesticviolence_past, rape_past" Question 113,"Title: Help prevent harassment! Text: Hi everyone - Knowing this is a safe place to discuss harassment, I know many of us may have stories of our own, whether we've been victims or bystanders - my heart breaks for everyone affected. In an effort to prevent future occurrences, a friend's company is about to launch ""All In"" to help eradicate sexual harassment 'in the workplace.' If this resonates on any level, I invite you to learn more about the project and share your story (100% anonymously) to help be a part of the solution. Feel free to share it with anyone you think might like to participate! Learn more & share your story here: https://www.allin.community/share-your-story Thanks in advance, Whitney For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 114,"Title: Looking back at old photos and finding pictures of my bruises Text: The difference between then and now is that I’m no longer deluded into believing he cares at all about me. I would send him photos of the bruises he put on my body because I actually thought it would make him realize how much he’s hurting me and work on the abusive behaviors. Now I realize that HE COMPLETELY KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING. He yelled at me and beat me because it was a way to break me down. He didn’t want me to feel proud or beautiful or smart or powerful. GOD he didn’t want me to ever feel like I had any power. Not only was he beating me, he talked shit about my friends and family, talked shit about my therapy. He is not a good person and he didn’t love me at all. But I’m not bitter 🌹 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 115,"Title: I don't know if I'll make it to age 15. Help please. Text: Hi. Recently I've been having this fear of being watched. Its gotten to the point where whenever I have to do just about everything in the dark. Getting dressed, having a shower, going to the bathroom. I have this fear that I have a stalker and cameras are placed around my room. I even had a thought today when I was going to a hotel for a big NHL hockey tournament where people booked in there about a week before,(When I booked the hotel) and placed cameras around the room. A big part of my fear also revolves around all the horrible things people do in the world. I'm also having this issue where now I'm just always scared of the internet and all the bad things that happen on there. It's getting to the point where I'm considering suicide and I just want the world to end. I'm currently trying to get a therapist. My parents are very supportive of it and are doing everything they can to help me. This is ruining me. I'm only 14 years old and I still want to do a lot of things in my life. This all started because I had a fear because I thought my computer webcam was watching me because I had installed a lot of ""Free games"" on it, which probably was malware. If I was being watched, it probably was watching me for about 2 years. It would see me getting dressed and all that stuff. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 116,"Title: So here's a question and I hope that its appropriate… Text: If some male actually did the awful thing of sexually approaching a few or couple of females inappropriately and uninvited or sexually harassing them when he was too drunk (not that that's an excuse,as he chose to get that drunk) before in life (and he stopped after the no and/or more clearer -perhaps including even physical- no's to his absolutely drunken mind at the times and then that was it as in he did not do something like that again after those times, to whoever)… Does that mean that he deserves to be falsely accused (either officially to the authorities or while being the victim of false rumors,gossips and slander) later on in life by another female or other females of sexual harassment or assault or rape or having sex or doing something sexual with or to them when he did nothing of the sort with or to them? It's an obvious no to me but would some people perhaps think that he deserves it? I think that even if one not only approached and stopped after the rejection but actually insistently sexually harassed someone or raped them then that doesn't mean that that person deserves to be falsely accused of other things by whoever… For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 117,"Title: I feel so lonely and depressed Text: I 23M I have no friends I have no one to talk with, I just sometimes talk to myself like an idiot so I can be less depressed but, I am getting tired of this. People use me, broke me, I an now exhausted by this, I want change, I want loyal people I really want to be in a relationship, but why would anyone date me? I am not good looking I am somewhere average, I am not all buffed, I am not 6 ft tall, I am just a regular guy. I want love, but it seems like I will never get it. I want somebody to tell me how much they love me while I look into their eyes and say I really wanna spend my last days with you. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 118,"Title: To all my self-conscious folks with self harm scars Text: Fuck what anybody thinks about ‘em — fuck what your inner asshole is saying — get out and enjoy the weather if you can. (Don’t forget to reapply sunscreen and stay hydrated darling) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 119,"Title: What is wrong with me ? Text: I have thoughts that I'm acting weird all the time, that something is wrong with me and I am somehow changing. I fear my thoughts of going crazy and schizophrenic are already delusions. I ruminate all day about thoughts that pops into my mind. I fear I will be instutionalised. I can not fuction properly because those thoughts are present every second. I dont feel like myself. I fear I am losing touch with reality. I question every decision and every thought. I am already 6th week on Lexapro 20 mgs but it looks like it's not working. I am browsing on internet for symptoms of mental illness to be sure nothing is happening. Than out of nowhere I get thoughts like you are crazy, you are depressed and this cycle continous endlessly. Help me please I can not rest. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 120,"Title: people are giving up on me. Text: I jus want support, I want someone to be there for me, I want them o hug me and tell me is going to be ok. My only two friends gave up. My online friend didn't and I luv her sm but I can't see her irl I just want a hug, I want help I want someone to be there for me. I started self harming again badly, alot worse then I used too, it's now like kinda deep stryos on my arms and the blood is alot worse.i know it may not be that bad to other people but it's a lot worse than what my sh used to be. I have very skinny arms so I don't rlly have fat to cut through probs. I have been self harming for 4 years and it's so tiring I just want someone to hug me and tell me is going to be ok so bad, I've done it for my friends but I've never got a hug because I'm sad. My friend knew, she knew I as doing such a shitty job at hiding it but she didn't say shit. She knew what was going on. She said she can't make me stop and I need to stop myself, but I've noticed I am clean for maybe atleast a week when I get the right support from my online friend. I'm self harming everyday again, I want someone to tell I know it will be hell but I need help and I want people to fucking care or atleast be there for me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 121,"Title: 66 YO Dad in Depression? Don't know what to do, PLEASE HELP Text: My dad was in the merchant navy all his life but had a heart issue in 2014 after which he had to stop sailing (after almost 30 years). He was never someone who had a lot of friends because he was always out of the country for 6-9 months of the year. Then covid hit and he was restricted to just our home - 5 members in the family (3 working). His health has deteriorated drastically in the last few months - we got his blood work and other tests done and almost all the organs and every parameter is okay for his age (66 years old). When you talk to him he randomly starts laughing and finds it harder to even talk because he is laughing and sometimes while laughing he'll have tears in his eyes. Is this depression? I'm not sure what to do. He was always in control and after retirement he literally has nothing to do, all he does is play poker online - almost every waking hour. What can I do? He also has a problem with one of his legs so he finds it hard to walk for more than 50 steps at a time.... I just don't know what to do and would really really appreciate some help. He's not someone who will talk to a doctor, psychiatrist or psychologist about his condition. If we suggest that he'll just flip and get angry at everything. His appetite is also gone but all the liver function reports and everything are fine. HELP! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 122,"Title: After more than 2 years working on a relationship with a person suffering with mental illness, I can say I've reached a place where we both feel deeply happy and in love Text: I have a 2 year long relationship with someone diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder. Things have been very hard in the past, but right now, I feel really happy on my relationship and I do envision a long term future with this person. I don't exactly know why I am writing this, but since I feel like sharing a little of my story with the world, I thought it might be useful to someone to read my statement about my experience and journey to where I am now. Things were really hard in the beginning. My partner was very unstable and deeply depressed, simple things like sleeping or eating were herculean tasks to him that demanded a lot. Huge anxiety was easily triggered, that led to paranoid and intrusive thoughts, specially at night. Sometimes it lasted a couple of days, sometimes it lasted weeks, or a month. I really felt like on the more ""happy"" and stable days I had to take the best advantage out of it so that he felt like ""coming back"" from the pit hole was worth it. I felt like every time we cycled back into a depressive episode he was further and further away from me. I knew I couldn't really do much more than support him and maintain the bare minimum communication he allowed me to have with him but I just kept insisting and insisting because I thought that if I stopped doing so he would just detach completely from everything and everyone. It was rough. Sometimes the emotional distance between us was so big that I thought I was in love with a man that would never love me. I felt neglected emotionally a lot of the times because I was supporting everything I could but I couldn't really have that back because my partner was living in a ""survival"" mode. When he became more willing to share, our communication also improved, he shared more with me and I learned how to help him better and also how to help myself to not take things too personally sometimes. Also, therapy and medical treatment were of main importance for his progress of course. There's no partner that can cure an illness, it can make it less difficult, for sure, but only the right treatment can really make it better. Fast forward to nowadays my partner works a full time job with quite some responsibility, he has plans for the future with me, he's stable, for the most part, he keeps his medical and therapy appointments on check, and he's happy. I wouldn't be with anyone else but him. I'm more confident than I have ever been, for the first time I feel someone truly sees me. and values me. We're both on our early 20s and starting our careers, I hope we can move in together in the near future, of course there are still bad times, but I do think we are more prepared now to manage the hard times. I love him deeply, I'm so so proud of him for overcoming so much and that he's no longer suicidal. I am beyond happy he hang on long enough to embrace the person he's becoming and let himself love and be loved too. There's no better feeling in the world than just laying on his chest listening to his heart beating at night before falling asleep, I now it sounds very cheesy, but it's really the truth for me, it does feel like heaven. If you're on a relationship going with a hard time understanding and dealing with your partner's mental health, I don't mean with this that you should stay and that you should endure all of it because I know how brutal and lonely it can be. Mental illness is devastating for the ones suffering with it, but also to others close to them. On a relationship, it can indeed became unhealthy for both parts to stay together, so, by no means I believe that the answer is always to stay. I only want to say that sometimes, it takes time and work, but things do get better, a lot better. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 123,"Title: Recently relapsed Text: I was clean for about a year and a half, but since I started college I've relapsed. Before id sh almost every day and would draw a lot of blood (none of my cuts have ever been too deep, they just bled a lot) but now I've started again they barely bleed and I hate it. I have changed the blade I use a couple of times to see if I get a different result but nothing. It's very upsetting as watching the blood drip was the most compelling part of sh to me. I don't want to cut too deep as I don't want to deal with possible infections or going to the hospital. So I'm just in a dilemma about what to do. I just want to feel better. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 124,"Title: just quit my job Text: I quit my job today, I don't know if I should wait till my money runs out or give it all away and kill myself. I just don't want my parents to inherit it For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 125,"Title: Frightened to go to work Text: I work in a nursery kitchen, as an assistant to a chef. I get on great with him and the rest of the nursery team. Whenever the chef or I need to take a day off we are replaced by a contract chef, the majority of the time I get on well with the replacement chefs. However there is one who is excellent at his job, comes across as friendly and generous as he always has gifts to give staff, especially me. Which I have come to observe as a form of grooming, to which he seems to find it acceptable to say inappropriate things to me eg. Complimenting my body, touching me inappropriately or glairing at me in an uncomfortable way. I voiced my concern to the main chef hoping that I would not have to work with that replacement chef ever again, but I have just been told I will be again on Friday. I feel like I have not been taken seriously and considering resigning from my job. I am terrified of working with the contract chef as I believe he is very manipulative and I fear for my safety. Regardless of his behavour when he returns it won’t take away what he’s alreay done, two members of staff said they would look out for me, but Im furious he is being allowed back, when it is obvious it has affected me. TLDR: substitute co worker has acted inappropriately, I voiced my concern to work. But they are still hiring him to work with me and I want to quit my job because of it. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 126,"Title: Anybody else? Text: Does anyone else just stay quiet because they feel like they are annoying? I choose to stay quiet because in the past I always just felt like I am annoying or making someone feel uncomfortable so I choose to just stay quiet. Anyone else feel or do this? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 127,"Title: I’m going to die soon. Text: I can’t do it anymore. I have a plan in place that is pretty much fool proof. It will happen when I have money and can afford the means to do this. My main worry is police coming to my house once I have purchased the items. I don’t want to upset people, hell I’m even upset I’m gonna die soon but it has to happen I am in too much pain. I have accepted this is just the way things will be. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 128,"Title: Self harm is self harm. Text: It does not matter how you did it, how often it was, how long you struggled with it, or if it left scars. It's still self harm. Your pain and your experiences are just as valid as anyone else's. Your struggle with self harm is just as real as anyone else's. I literally don't care if you did it one time and it wasn't deep and it didn't scar and you never did it again. It was self harm. It counts. You deserve support and care and recovery. Your voice is a valuable part of this community, and never let anyone tell you otherwise. DISCLAIMER: I read this on [tiktok](https://www.tiktok.com/@half_a_mile_away/video/6957915507609685253?sender_device=pc&sender_web_id=6959652772874667525&is_from_webapp=v1&is_copy_url=0) and thought it belonged here, not my words. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 129,"Title: All I ever want is to cuddle and talk, at least once in a while Text: I’m not the least bit interested in a relationship right now or being anymore intimidate than this but I wish I had both friends open to snuggling up, playing with my hair, lay on my lap while I talk to them and/or play video games, etc., and the confidence to ask if they’d like that/seek out people who need physical comfort. At this point I wouldn’t be too picky about it because I’m so freaking touch starved. All I have are pillows. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 130,"Title: Workplace SA Text: Need advice. I’m a 27f and I’m being harassed/assaulted by a 60m. At first it started with him making jokes about him taking me on a date but I always laughed it off because he did the same thing with everyone else my age. Fast forward to two years later, he’s newly widowed and has become more bold with coming up to me; touching me kissing me etc. I went to my manager the first time it happened but he told me that it was my fault and that I was in the wrong because by not standing up for myself I was encouraging the behavior. Basically told me that he wouldn’t do anything about it and that it was my problem to deal with because it would make me grow as a person. This is the same manager who knows about my sexual assault as a child and that my response to unwanted advances is to shut down and let it happen. I mentioned it to some other coworkers and they just laughed it off and said “yeah he’s in love with you good luck.” Flash forward to today he side hugged me and made a comment about me not wearing a bra and that “I was bad but he loved me anyway.” Nobody around really commented on it because “that’s just how he is.” But besides going to our director I don’t really know how to handle the situation. Yes I could tell him off but every time I go to say something I just shut down and end up talking about something else. Im absolutely terrified that if I reject him that I’ll end up getting backlash or hurt. He’s already found my private social medias; I didn’t accept the friend requests, but he found a photo of when I was 15 and made the comment that he wasn’t lonely because he could look at his girlfriend all the time now. I don’t want him to loose his job, but i just want to be left alone. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","sexualharassment_ongoing, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 131,"Title: My cousin self harmed Text: I saw that my cousin self harmed a month ago, whenever he posted a TikTok vent about it and I just now saw it, I’m not sure what to do, I live with his sister currently, I’m not sure if I tell her or keep it a secret, I texted him and told him that I’m there for him, but he has self harmed and has been in the hospital twice in the past, what do I do? Should I tell his sister? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 132,"Title: ppl don’t talk enough about how when you lived in a “depression room” on and off for many years it starts to feel like ur room can never be truly clean again no matter how clean it is in actuality Text: yes i’m deep cleaning my depression room rn how did u know For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 133,"Title: i’m getting forensics tomorrow Text: i’m scared. i don’t know what’s going to happen, not even sure if anything’s going to show up because it was a few days ago. my close friends know what happened and they’re great but the second i’m alone i cant help but feel like the world is caving in on me. i don’t know how to tell my parents that this happened to me, i don’t know how to tell my brother, i don’t know how to even process this. i moved out a few weeks ago and everything changed for me and just as i was getting used to living away from my family this happens to me and i can’t wrap my head around it. i trusted him. this probably makes no sense but i just needed to try and organise my thoughts somehow For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_ongoing Question 134,"Title: Have you ever thought to yourself while meeting a new person ""if we met when we were little kids, we would have been best friends"" but you're not that same kid anymore and it just makes you all sad and nostalgic as you totally don't get along with the other person even though you really want to? Text: I think about that often For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 135,"Title: Am I in the wrong? Text: I don’t know how to feel about this right now. The individual Im copy/pasting our conversation with below has been warned by me and several other in our friend group to not touch or act inappropriatly around (as well has been fired from several jobs for sexual harassment) Me: man I like hanging out with you but I have to ask that you cool it with the touching and the sexual stuff. I respect the way you live but touching is already a hard barrier for me and the innuendos and gestures are not ok. I don't want this to be a divide or risk causing tension in the friend group so I'm asking you nicely as a man to respect my space so that way we can still be friends and hangout Him: You are such a beautiful soul no matter how tough you try to be, I love you and how about we meet in the middle what if I sexually assault brody instead from now on and you know that I care enough about you to settle for him instead. Me: Not cool I've set the the boundary and if you refuse to respect it I won't treat this as comradely but as a direct sign of disrespect Him: Ok well that is a respectable but what if brody actually wants it? Me: That's between you and him. I don't feel comfortable with the invasion of my personal space if he decides for himself that's for him and you nothing to do with what's going on here. Him: Ok well just know I love you baby and I can't wait to have a completely fun platonic time at renfest tomorrow. But to be fair I literally saw brody grapple you and bring you to the ground so if that hasn't been a 10 times greater abuse of personal space that you didn't address tonight then I am going to not believe a complete word you are saying because it's incredibly hypothetical unless it's OK for me to get physical with you if I just use far more excessive force. Me: No don't try that bullshit. context and trust went into me being ok with that. I've asked you multiple time to stay out of my personal space and you've ignored me. I know if I feel uncomfortable and ask Brody to stop he will especially because it wasn't sexual. This ain't a one size fits all deal. And this shouldn't be a big deal, ""hey please don't sexually harass/assault me"" ""ok I won't do it again and I didn't realize it was an issue at the time"" Im a straight male and although I have no problem with anyone of different sexuality I’ve made it clear that is not how I roll or how I view this acquaintance. I’m just confused and angry right now because after I got out of the Marine Corps I decided I didn’t like who I was and didn’t want to use violence or force to solve my problems. I’m just so angry because I’m trapped between a rock and a hard place because I have to choose between leaving my only friends, putting up with this, and being someone I hate and I’m afraid will consume me again. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 136,"Title: the feeling/emotion that never go away Text: I (F16) is having a hard time to deal with this feelings. There's always been time that I feel numbness for a long time, I got irritated easily by other people, prefer to be alone and always want to cry... Idk why and idk what this feelings... I just want it go away cuz there's been a time I self **** myself and I don't want to do it again... I just want to be normal and happy teenagers... Why does it always have to come and happened again, I'm tired of it I just want it all to end for good... For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_past, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 137,"Title: showed my scars to a stranger for the first time today. Text: hi everyone, i (20m) unfortunately had to go grocery shopping today. wearing my long sleeves like usual. as i was waiting in line i noticed a girl behind me, (i think about 15 years old) visibly uncomfortable because of her scars and the fact that she's wearing short sleeves. i have never pulled up my sleeves in public before and it's something i am usually very hesitant on, but today i decided to do so in an effort to hopefully make a fellow sufferer feel a little bit better. the girl noticed and instantly looked a lot more comfortable. almost like she realized she's not alone. it was nice seeing her slightly smile instead of that really anxious expression on her face. edit: wow! thanks so much for the awards and nice comments, really made my day! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 138,"Title: my friend told me he plans to kill himself in a couple days Text: My best friend asked me tp gp check up on our really good friend because no one had heard from him in a week and i live in the same apartment building as him. He told me he doesn't have long left and that he has one more thing to get in order. I tried to talk to him about it but he didn't want to. Just gave me his reasons and said he didn't want to live anymore. Then told me to please not tell anybody. I told my friend who asked me to check on him and we're both going to talk to him. I've never had to deal with this before does anyone here have advice? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 139,"Title: What if I can't remember if I told this person to stop Text: What do you do if you were really close to someone and they would sometimes say things that made you really uncomfortably. Some of these things were of a sexual nature, but the purely sexual things were not about you. For example, taking about sexual things they did. One time you got so triggered by it you had terrible nightmares about it for weeks. You are 90% sure you had told this person to stop, but they did not. You told no one about this. You haven't talked to this person for forever, but some things are still bothering you. Everything was minimal and not that frequent even if NSFW, but you are 90% sure you told them to STOP very clearly. You are still bothered, but don't know what to do or say. I mean, did you make it clear for them not to? You think so, but you aren't sure. How should someone talk to someone about this? You want to be able to talk about it, but how? What should yo say? You are confused. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 140,"Title: Today I found out that my rapist is going to get away with everything because of incompetent law enforcement and a DA who cares more about his conviction rate than actually helping people. Text: I read the report and the detective that took my original report wrote that it was a “regrettable sexual encounter” and because of this one line, the entire case is botched. They left out the part where they made gay jokes and insinuated that I was in an intimate relationship with him. They said that I should’ve came forward earlier instead of waiting 2 days. They said that I’m a man and that I should’ve fought back. Men get raped too. Men get drugged too. It doesn’t happen as often but when it does, this is why men don’t report it. Because we’re embarrassed of it. Fuck the law for protecting the rapists. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 141,"Title: Leaving husband during pregnancy Text: Thinking about divorce during pregnancy Hey so I posted before about the T.J.maxx incident where I got screamed at for taking too long in the store because he was hungry etc in a past post if you want to look through my previous posts in the pregnancy thread, but Since then some more stuff has transpired and it’s really opened my eyes to things I’ve tolerated in the past that I now will no longer tolerate due to the clarity I’m getting while pregnant. I spoke to my mom and a close support group and after I told my mom what I’ve been going through she cried and we cried together because she doesn’t want this for me and says I don’t deserve any of this. She confessed she never trusted him and has been trying to put on a face to make me happy because she loves me. So lately I have been thinking about divorce which is terrible timing due to me being pregnant with our first child. But then again if I didn’t get this clarity from being pregnant, I probably would continue to tolerate such things. I’m posting to see if anyone has been through divorce while pregnant. I’m not perfect and no one is, and I do love my husband. He is great in every other way but then he randomly says or does things that make me go wtf. Sometimes I wonder if I’m blowing up my life for no reason because of my hormones. And other times I feel I need to think for two and start thinking of a plan. While I’m not being beaten like a red headed step child daily or berated constantly, here are just some examples of what I consider red flags: -cutting up my clothes and throwing them away when I’m not home because he finds them inappropriate. (A button down skirt and flowy boho pants that obviously make my ass look great) -pinching me hard when I don’t do what he asks -punch me in the arm because he thinks I slammed his car door on purpose -policing my food while pregnant (vocally only- I do what I want anyways) -shutting off the power to stop me from playing piano and threatening to cut the power cord to my piano if I try to play again -threatening to turn my data and wifi off so I can’t stay up later than him -won’t let me go to the couch to stay up late since it bothers him so much. I have to be in bed -telling me our baby will hate me because of how I treat him ??? -saying I am a bad mom and wife -asking if I can do anything right -called me a stupid fucking idiot in front of my brother because it took me a minute to understand how to drive the tractor -telling his whole family I’m an alcoholic because he doesn’t want me to drink (pre pregnancy) but they don’t believe him and told me he’s too controlling over me -refuses to have friends. And won’t see his family unless I go with. Will also not go to a store or down the road etc. Unless I go with. -talks shit about my friends and family -has canceled numerous couple therapists and therapy sessions in my effort to work things out And more. I know that he talks intensely always so I always just summed it up to having to differentiate what he really means but now I’ve realized no, he means what he says. I also want to know if theres any instances of these scenarios where the person isn’t actually abusive and it’s somewhat normal given the situation? Nobody is perfect right? I guess I just want to know has anyone kind of gone through separation during pregnancy as well? And if maybe I’m blowing this out of proportion? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 142,"Title: I'm going to die why don't they care Text: More and more I can feel it and still everyone I care about continues to ghost me, mock me, treat me like shit and obviously not give a damn about me. I like myself and I try my best to be a good person but apparently all I am to anyone is a burden, something they have the displeasure of dealing with and once they're tired of this supposedly horrible THING that is me im not worth even a single word, im just to be thrown aside and forgotten like I never meant anything to them. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 143,"Title: I need help Text: I’m very lonely and have been that way for years now. I’m autistic and have an extremely hard time communicating with others without coming off as rude or awkward. I’ve tried reaching out to people at school, in public, at work, at the gym and every time it just ends in embarrassment for some reason. I haven’t had a really good friend since my buddy John died 4 years ago and everyone else is either off at college, too busy with work or took the wrong path in life. I’ve tried counciling but it’s very expensive and never really got me that far. I really don’t like myself and wish I was a better person. I feel like I’m in an endless loop of misery, I keep getting told that good times are ahead but I’ve been told that for 7 fuckin years now and I’m getting frustrated and tired. Please help me For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 144,"Title: Do you guys fantasize about your suicide? Text: I think about it a lot. Like I imagine how it'll play out. Who would find me, the mess it would make, how my apartment would likely smell of my decomposing corpse and how that would likely give away what actually happened. The process of distributing my stuff and the pain my father and boyfriend would be going through. My co workers finding out, how they would all act surprised and pretend they never saw this coming. Do you guys go through the same thing? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 145,"Title: What does the ""escape"" of the outdoors do for your overall wellbeing? Text: Hello, I am an Industrial Design Student at the University of Houston working on a design thesis focused on the ""escape"" we experience when we go outdoors. I have attached a link to a survey to get your input on the topic. Thank you for your help! [https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdRqSwBA8bJhiQJvFJ91Ysoyxx8SBaRCxgDKKGFu1NQI7KMrg/viewform?usp=sf\_link](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdRqSwBA8bJhiQJvFJ91Ysoyxx8SBaRCxgDKKGFu1NQI7KMrg/viewform?usp=sf_link) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 146,"Title: For two years police in Basalt, CO have gone to my job sites as well as driven past my house daily. Text: Hello, I moved to Basalt Colorado two years ago from Tennessee. I began noticing in Tennessee whenever I would go out for a drive police cars would drive past me at traffic lights. Or they would park idly in parking lots by stores I would visit. This harassment continued into Colorado as I found a job at a supermarket and every single day they would arrive and walk around the store aimlessly. I would work night shift at this supermarket and walk home in the day. Whenever I would walk home these harassing cowards would drive past me on my walk home in their police cars. Eventually I found a new job at a drive thru window. This corrupt government would send officers to drive past the drive thru window daily. I would close the store and so they would pass by the window 10 minutes before we would close at 11pm. They would also arrive and order behind cars driven by my family members. At this store they would cause us to have 1 - 2 health inspections per month for the entire year I worked there. As well as stalking me on my way home/to work. They parked on the highway by my home for an entire week and stopped me for going 5mph over the speed limit. Again they waited an entire week in the same spot at midnight and stopped me after getting out of work. For two years now, they have driven sirens past my house every day. They also have people drive past my home and honk their horns for no specific reason. For instance, I was just in my backyard when a gray truck drove by and honked. There was no car in front of him or any pedestrians on the sidewalk. Again this has gone on every single day for the two years I have lived in Basalt, CO. I'm currently reporting these issues to human rights activists/journalists but I haven't had a response. I want these criminal officers to face war crimes. Specifically, crimes against humanity as well Conspiracy against Rights. And also Deprivation of Rights Under Color of Law. These harassers drive past me every day in their sheriff cars whenever I go out for anything. They also arrive to places I'm about to visit such as a supermarket and then go inside and act as customers. I also visited a family member in their new apartment in El Jebel, CO by Starbucks and they will park a police officers in a parking spot. They have also had two sheriffs parked nearby when I left this apartment. They acted as though they were just eating at a restaurant. As you can see they are using PSYOP as well as gaslighting me to make me appear insane. Please help report these criminal officers. I wish to remain anonymous for my personal safety. Thank you for reading. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 147,"Title: Riding the emotional roller-coaster. This gets better, right? Text: I seperated from my husband almost a week ago. Yesterday I felt great - strong and determined and angry. Today I feel my heart will break. I've booked a Zoom chat with him in a couple of weeks, to give him a final chance. But in my heart I miss him and yet, I don't trust him. I don't want this to end. I love him. But I don't ever want to go back either. And I'm scared I'll latch on to the slightest glimmer of hope. This gets better, right? Please share some positive stories! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 148,"Title: named officially changed today Text: I'm just like ugh Idk if this a good thing or what. But at least now I can say my name without looking around ya know what I mean , mow just to figure out how to move to a new state in a cpl weeks. Have zero clue what I'm doing lol but i know this is a step in the right direction. I just wanna feel safe enough to sleep without a handful of meds basically For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 149,"Title: On Trauma Bonding Text: Stockholm Syndrome is an interesting thing. During a hostage situation in Stockholm in a bank robbery, one victim came out with a rope around her neck asking the police to not hurt the captors. Then days later the victims were speaking highly of their captors, how they didn’t mean to hurt them, how they took care of their victims. How does that even happen? How can they defend someone who did that to them? They can’t all be wrong or insane, can they? Abusers spend so long abusing and being nice and abusing and being nice that you start to think that you play a role in the abuse and the only reason he/she is nice to you again is because of some demand you met. And your will to live/be safe/feel secure will override any trauma you have been through. You will do anything to make them nice again, because that means you get to be safe/secure. It's not contingent upon you, but on them, but you forget this. It doesn't matter what you do. They’d be the same to anyone else. But you don’t see this. This is exactly how Stockholm Syndrome and trauma bonding happen. All 4 of those captives came out begging their abusers not to be hurt. No one is tortured all the time. And the victims see humanity in their abuser when they stop abusing and start to feel empathy because their will to live is so strong. This is why victims stay. This is why victims come back. This is why they are gentle during court proceedings or even defend their abuser… if they go to court at all. This is why victims don’t tell anyone during the abuse, because they don’t want their abuser questioned or defamed or judged. They also know they won’t leave and don’t want to be judged for staying with someone they care about so much who is a danger to them. And then they finally have to leave and choose their life and safety over their partner. They don’t want to. But they know they have to. And it turns out it’s impossible to relate to anyone upon leaving. The guilt of having to do this is overwhelming, the missing the good times, the sense of responsibility for him/her. That if you had just acquiesced to their demands they wouldn’t be in the trouble they are in. Everyone is speaking badly about your abuser and you want to protect them from the judgement and consequences of their actions, which you still think are your fault. The courts are speaking badly about them too so you stop court proceedings, or you don’t share everything so it’s not so bad for you abuser, or you straight up go back to them (and then sometimes lose your kids for putting them back in an abusive environment). You regret ever “hurting” or “causing trouble” for your partner by leaving and for sharing anything negative about them, because they weren’t bad all the time, they are just stressed/sick/worn out, right? It’s not their fault. Or the victim is somehow convinced that they did something to cause the abuse, that if you just met his/her demands the abuse would not have occurred. Ask anyone who has ever gotten out if the abuse or the bonding was the worst and they will probably tell you that the hardest part was not living with the abuse but living with the bonding and undoing it. The abuse was probably infrequent, but the feelings of love, worry, care, and empathy for the person hurting you are constant. The victim spends years lying to themselves that this is actually happening, that this is not as bad as she/he thinks it is, and that their abuser will change. It’s hard to see the sum of it when you are in it day to day, and don’t forget, your abuser loves you, he is just tired/cranky/upset with your behavior that you should work harder on changing. It’s not really his fault, it’s all these external forcing that are causing the abuse to happen. But you are also tired/cranky/sick/being hurt…and you aren’t hurting him, so why is he hurting you? Victims don’t often leave because they want to. They leave because they have to. It’s not always about having more resources, more shelters, etc. They simply don’t have to run yet. And they keep going back not because they are dumb, not always because they don’t have resources, and not because they are immature. It’s because they have been brainwashed into thinking their abuser is the glue holding them together, the one who saves them from the abuse because he/she is also the one that stops it, instead of the one breaking them apart. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 150,"Title: I really need to get this off my chest Text: I honestly don’t know why i’ve come here to say these things. I suppose the anonymity helps, because I can’t stand for those in my life to view me differently. I pretty much want to be dead. Life just hasn’t been going my way for years now. I feel like everyone else is progressing and reaching their goals and surpassing achievements. I feel stagnant, little to no motivation for much of anything. And yet I still have so many ambitions I want to pursue. I just want to disappear. I’ve been thinking about suicide for years now. I don’t know if I really considered going through with it although I now feel myself creeping ever so slowly towards it as time goes on. I’m 23, male, in great shape, on my own, attractive. I don’t do well with women at all and yet everyone is else around me seems to be having luck or in serious relationships. There’s something about me that is completely undesirable. I don’t feel like I deserve someone to love, I don’t feel like I’m good enough. I don’t know what to do about anything anymore. I don’t even know what I’m expecting everyone on here to say or why I’m even doing this. Does anyone out there understand where I’m coming from? I constantly feel alone inwardly. I feel like a complete failure in life. I just want this pain to leave me so bad. No wonder why so many people turn to drugs. I fucking hate this. I haven’t cried in so long. The only feelings i have anymore are negative ones. Does it get better? I can’t do this much longer. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 151,"Title: Is this sexual harassment Text: So this guy, I’ll call him T, has a major crush on me. It was obvious. My best friend (P) and I started to hang out with him on the weekends. We all became really good friends. It wasn’t long before T started checking my location all the time. He would ask where I was and what I was doing. He claimed he just wanted to make sure I was safe. Eventually, he only invited me over. I tried to get my friend P to also come, but he didn’t want her there for some reason. I have an issue with wanting to please everyone, so I would go hang with him. He also would guilt trip me if I said I couldn’t. He never took “no” as an answer. Every time I was with him, I felt like he was trying to get closer. One day, he begged me to drink with him. I did. He was also drunk. He kept trying to grab my hand. He then put my arm around him. I was nervous and didn’t say anything. I tried to keep my arm far off of him. Then, he laid right on top of me. I was panicked. He would always try to hand feed me food too. One day we were both drinking and I wanted to go home. He tried to beg me to stay the night. I said “no” and came up with a million excuses to get me out of it. He just kept arguing. I had no choice but to get up and try to leave. He then followed me home to make sure “I was safe.” I want him to leave me alone. He has caused me several panic attacks and I don’t know what to do. Especially because P and I have started dating. We told him with hopes to get him off my back. He was upset and said he had planned to confess his feelings for me. But he promised that he would back off. Now, he’s still asking me to go get food and I don’t want to hurt his feelings (because I’m a people pleaser) but I can’t do this anymore. Also, he has made several comments about my ass. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 152,"Title: is it possible ive damaged some nerves ? Text: i dont mean to sound dramatic but im wondering if its possible to damage nerves from cutting. ive been cutting in the same area for a good couple years now and at this point theres more scar tissue there than unharmed skin, and it feels a bit numb. cutting there almost doesnt hurt at all now and i feel things a lot less in that area than i do on other parts of my body. its not completely numb though i cant still feel things, just not as much. so i was wondering if anyone would know if i just ""got used to"" the pain or if i maybe damaged some nerve endings For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 153,"Title: I know life will get better but it's so unbearable right now Text: I don't know if I can take it for that much longer For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 154,"Title: Dysphoria is so confusing… Text: Posting on an alternate account for privacy reasons. I don’t even know anymore. I have no idea who I am, what I am, what I want to be or how I want to be. My brain keeps giving me mixed signals about what I fit in as and what I don’t but it never settles down and fits to one idea, it always has to bounce around like a pinball machine. I was a trans mtf for 3 years but than thought I was non-binary for the longest of time. But now all that is out the window and im back to where I was 6 years ago.. confused, angry, lost, upset, full of anxiety for not knowing what I want, or what to do. Every day its like this. The confusion, the people around me telling me to get over myself and just choose something. Seeing others be safe in their identity while I struggle to find my own. It all angers me, and drives me back to the places I haven’t been for months.. it drives me insane. It makes me wanna pick up that blade again.. I just wanna be me again. I just wanna find pride in something for who I am, I want to be able to understand why I feel this way and not feel everyday as if I woke up and am getting stabbed as soon as I look at myself in the mirror. I need an escape. I need help. I don’t want to do this whole thing all over again.. I’ve come so far- for what? To be struck down because of my own stupid head? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 155,"Title: Yup it happened. I was finally flashed. Text: Hi. Today I got flashed by a young black man, his dick hanging out disgusting and gross and long. I was on a narrow sidewalk and he was smoking and basically taking it up. A few feet away he suddenly faces me and pulls down his pants to reveal the ugly black dick. Of course I started cursing him out, and yelling profanities at him while I maneuvered myself out of the situation. It happened to be in the afternoon, so there were people around but not close enough to witness. Surprisingly he promptly apologized and went ahead to pack his shit off the sidewalk. I’ve been cat called, I’ve been coerced sexually, this isn’t my first “show.” But I’m also fucking tired. I’m fucking FURIOUS. I hesitated to call the police even and threatening him because I don’t want another black man’s death. And yet I know that maybe I should have. I don’t fucking know anymore. As a lesbian I already hated seeing dicks in the first place. This shit is just fucking demeaning to women and I won’t fucking take this bull shit anymore. Thanks for reading through this rant. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 156,"Title: the girl who loves my scars Text: i was talking to my gf and i was talking about how much i love her and her insecurities and such and she replies with “i love your cuts too”. she knows they tell a story and its so sweet. i think she’s a keeper :$ For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 157,"Title: Boyfriend said he didn’t want to keep seeing me getting hurt Text: I told him to break up with me so he wouldn’t have to watch. I fell of the wagon last week. I was at 73 days clean. Today was day 6. Now I’m back to day 0 again. I started self harming when I was 14. 10 years ago. Here’s to hoping tomorrow goes better! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 158,"Title: It's time for me to go Text: I've lived for 20 years constantly squandering every opportunity I had, spending ungodly amounts of time playing video games and jerking off, playing the victim in every situation and taking the easy way out. Now here I am with nothing, nobody and no reason to live. I have nothing but constant pain, endless emotional torment. Not enough to cry but just enough to make existence agony. I'm sick of seeing everyone around me make new friends, date, grow as people, etc. and here I am at square one. No skills, no friends, no money and no will to continue. The worst part about all this is that I did it to myself. Instead of trying new things, meeting new people and putting in the work necessary to reap success, I secluded myself, choosing only to live in comfort. I have no one to blame for my situation but myself, my worst enemy. And don't even get me started with that hippy-dippy, ""it's gonna get better"" bullshit. It won't get better, it never has, life is getting worse every day. You don't actually care anyway. You don't know a thing about me. Why would you care if I dropped off the face of the earth? The world's better off without me in it, I'm a waste of life. Goodbye. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 159,"Title: ptsd has gotten the best of me. Text: i’m lost. have a .357 in my lap. $10 fifth of gin, let’s see how far it can get into this bottle before i do it For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 160,"Title: My wife (30F) keeps getting physical with me (32M). How can I fix this? Text: Idk where to begin. We are a normal couple that gets into heated arguments sure. But it for the most part ends with us saying sorry to each other. However 3 months ago, when an argument got too heated I wanted to walk out the house to avoid it escalating, and for some reason she snatched me by my backpack that I had on and told me ""come back here you're not going anywhere""...It broke my heart cause she also tore my favorite backpack and it made me feel like she had no respect for me if she could do that. I'm 300+ pounds and she's 170. I'm obviously bigger than her so I didn't feel threatened. However I did have a convo with her afterwards abt her putting her hands on me and asked her to never do that again. Cause I respect her enough to NEVER desire to do that to her I expect the same type of respect. Fast forward to today, she's attacked me twice since then. And the worse of them all was tonight. We got into a heated argument over her hanging up the phone on me because I didn't confront someone that owed me money from a freelance job I did. I told her it was rude and we can disagree but it hurts my feelings when u treat me like that and hang up on me. She responded with ""I don't feel like it deserves an apology"" so I go off on her about how my feelings matter too and blah blah blah. It's get too heated and I decide to put my backpack on and leave.. then she decided to try to stop the door from opening. So I told her to move and once she didn't NO PROBLEM I'm stronger anyway ill just open it and walk out. As soon as she saw I was able to get it open she started pulling my collar, scratching me, pushing me and soccking me in the chest and arm so I can't leave. So I sweep her feet and walk out....I'm furious. I know maybe my perspective is more skewed towards me being right because ...well it's my perspective. But I keep replaying it in my head..has she lost respect for me? To make it worse, she follows me out and taunts me abt I'm not gonna shit and blah blah blah. So I turn around and tear her shirt down the middle with ease and she begins to CRY. It broke my heart. She kept saying how could I do that.. I just want an honest opinion, should I be worried or am I partly to blame for taking lightly the first time she did it. Do I just need to man up and deal with it cause I'm technically stronger than her? Or do I walk away. She's the love of my life. This pains me to think she doesn't love me or respect how I do her. But I feel like maybe I really am the issue here or maybe it's not that big of a deal and I'm being dramatic. Like it's not like I have bruises or anything. Just my feelings are hurt. Thanks in advance, ARCHIE For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 161,"Title: I let my social anxiety stop me from seeing my Dad for the last time Text: My Dad had been fighting cancer for a couple of years and had been going downhill recently. He was admitted to hospital several weeks ago and, due to COVID restrictions, only one person could visit him a day. I have severe anxiety about going into new places, that is manageable when I’m with my boyfriend, but when I’m by myself.... I just cannot cope. The thought of going to the hospital and having to navigate it myself was far too much. My dad got moved to a hospice last Thursday for palliative care. 2 people could now visit at a time! But we were so busy with work.... I had planned on going to visit on the Monday but we received a phone call Sunday evening saying he was now unconscious and likely wouldn’t wake up. Immediately, we rushed u but he more than likely had no idea we were there.... he passed away on Wednesday. If I had gone to the hospital I would’ve been able to tel him one last time that I loved him. Due to COVID I haven’t hugged this man since February, as even when the restrictions were slackened I didn’t want to risk passing anything onto a shielding person. If I had went to the hospital I could have wrapped my arms around him one last time. But my social anxiety held me back. And now I don’t know if I can live with myself. Edit: I did not expect this to take off even half as much as it has. I want you all to know I have read every single reply and I will respond to each. I have had a pretty rough day and these uplifting messages have really gotten me through it. I’m going to try and get some sleep but I will definitely aim to respond to each of you tomorrow! Thank you all, seriously. This is such a kind, thoughtful community. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 162,"Title: I fucking hate people Text: It makes me want to kill myself to spite everyone For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 163,"Title: I survived. Text: *In honor of domestic violence awareness month.* *Posting just for me to reflect.* After the assault and years of abuse, I lost myself. My entire identity. I never thought I’d get to the other side of it. I never thought I’d make it out alive, not just physically but also emotionally. I used this group as a major coping point for nearly a year. 2 years later and I survived. I’m happy again. I have so many friends. I feel connected to people. I have tons of time for my hobbies. I’m doing well financially and started seeing someone who treats me so well. I’m very blessed I was afforded the therapy to get through it and that I made it out. I can live again. I never thought I could hear this song again. Although from one of my favorite albums, the references to trauma bonding being like addiction was too close for comfort. Now, on the other side of it, with pain subsided, I’m hearing the positive lines for the first time. I can only keep advocating for others who are still stuck in their own personal nightmare. You **can** make it out. Be encouraged- there **is** another side to this and my inbox is open for anyone who needs to talk. *I bet you laugh, at the thought of me thinking for myself. I bet you believe, that I'm better off with you than someone else.* *Your face arrives again. A hope I had become surreal. But under your covers there’s more torture than pleasure. & just past your lips, there’s more anger than laughter. Not now or forever will I ever change you.* *I know I will go on. I'll break you, my habit.* *(-My Heroine, Silverstein)* For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 164,"Title: I just wanna die. Text: Ive been struggling with depression my whole life. People tell me to ""hike up my bootstraps"" and a friend told me im being dramatic and its so inauthentic (wtf does that even mean?) He even said""if you really wanna do it youd do it"" no one believes me. I cant fucking wait until im off this planet. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 165,"Title: I’m completely addicted to my phone and I hate it Text: But wtf else am I meant to do- nobody texts me or invites me anywhere For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 166,"Title: i want to gouge my eyes out Text: So I can sleep For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 167,"Title: I’m back! Text: Right where I belong. Missed u guys! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 168,"Title: First of all I’m alone, not lonely Text: I know this “loneliness” will pass with time. I can never know for sure where I’ll be in two years, but right now I am not in the best (socially-wise). Who can relate 😆 👍?! It’s a good thing that the universe is an ever-changing quantum fluctuating living system of pure beauty and horror 😍 I’m ready for the ride bichesss For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 169,"Title: I dont know how to carry on Text: I'm scared and I don't know how I'm meant to carry on, it hasn't been like this for a long time not to the point that nothing really set it off. I feel like im suffocating and I just want this to end so so bad, I want someone to hug me and say they understand and that it'll be okay. I feel like im going insane why won't it end??? I keep having to pretend and I hate it. Nothing is working anymore I can't stop thinking that it's going to be like this forever and there's nothing I can do, like im just pathetically grasping at straws and I'm just pretending to myself. I don't know what to believe. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 170,"Title: Does this count? Text: Do scratches that break the skin still count as self harm? I guess I want to feel validated because I feel like it isn’t bad enough or nearly as serious because I don’t cut. I would if I could but I can’t find anything to use. I mean I can definitely find something if I look hard enough but at this point I’m just choosing not to as a way to try and stop myself from harming myself worse. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 171,"Title: do i need stitches? Text: i was really frustrated and when i cut my self it was white on the inside. ive never had that happen before it’s bleeding a lot and i know i haven’t hit a vein or artery but idk what to do besides putting on a band aid. is it going to scar? its on the middle of my thigh and i have a kinda of revealing halloween costume this year (tinkerbell) and i dont want my scar showing. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 172,"Title: Was this sexual harassment? Text: I'm not sure if this was, nor do I know if I should even post here but here I go. Back when I was about 4 or 5, this teen cornered me on a school bus and started humping me and saying, ""we should have babies together"" over and over, then proceeded to bend my fingers backwards. It was 5 minutes from school to my home. I did try to tell my mother about this after it happened, but she just said boys will be boys and left it at that. I'm a boy. I'm 18 now, and I still haven't been able to get over it. I have never told anyone about this after, but I'm just wondering if that would be sexual harassment because I'm just not sure anymore. Sorry if I wasted anyone's time For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","sexualharassment_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 173,"Title: My family is too poor to pay for college tuition. Text: No college leads to no degree, and that leads to a no job. I really desire to immigrate to the States (really fancy and delusional dream) by getting EB3 visa or whatever but that needs a bachelor's degree first. I'd rather die rather than living extremely poor in this stupid country without even a job. (This is never, never my parent's fault. I just hate this poverty and the unfortunate situations my parents had to go through.) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 174,"Title: It's always the fucking evenings Text: Is it just me or are the evenings the worst? That is the time I start missing the people I once had a deeper connection with and where I feel empty, sad and so lonely. I don't know how to cope and I can't ""work on myself"" or ""learn how to be on my own"", because those things don't cure my loneliness and while I'm lonely I can't find the motivation to do those things any more anyway. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 175,"Title: Sharing my story on ABC actionnews Text: Few weeks ago I shared part of my story ! October is bring awareness to domestic violence! I know there’s a victim out there who hasn’t saved Herself. Its airing on abc action news through spectrum channel 28. You may also see it live at 11 via the live option through their website Here’s the link to the them: https://www.abcactionnews.com/video/abc-action-news-now :) Link : Pretrial hearing Tomorrow is the first Pretrial hearing of my abuser, aka my soon to be my ex husband, he is being charged for second degree murder and for shooting into an occupied home. It’s a miracle I survived, the bullets entered through my nostrils . I’ve prepared myself for this, it will be the first time I see my abuser. My mom and brother will bd going with me. One bullet was removed and the other one fragmented and it remains around my right eye and. Upper right side of my skull. This happened April 2022 in Florida the morning of his 30th birthday.I will see my in-laws for the first time. I’ve cut contact with them , as they believe it was an accident and it was no accident. Ladies: if you see red flags, act on them. I didn’t because I never imagined he was capable of hurting me. Married for 5 years, together 10. I paid for everything over three years to put him through school. He was going to graduate this December. We have a beautiful home, two beautiful dogs, nice cars. He had everything!!! I am college educated, hard Worker, loved by the community , and have a big heart- Domestic violence doesn’t discriminate. I was a normal girl , who shined light in every room when I walked in. Tomorrow is the first Pretrial hearing of my abuser, aka my soon to be my ex husband, he is being charged for second degree murder and for shooting into an occupied home. It’s a miracle I survived, the bullets entered through my nostrils . I’ve prepared myself for this, it will be the first time I see my abuser. My mom and brother will bd going with me. One bullet was removed and the other one fragmented and it remains around my right eye and. Upper right side of my skull. This happened April 2022 in Florida the morning of his 30th birthday.I will see my in-laws for the first time. I’ve cut contact with them , as they believe it was an accident and it was no accident. Ladies: if you see red flags, act on them. I didn’t because I never imagined he was capable of hurting me. Married for 5 years, together 10. I paid for everything over three years to put him through school. He was going to graduate this December. We have a beautiful home, two beautiful dogs, nice cars. He had everything!!! I am college educated, hard Worker, loved by the community , and have a big heart- Domestic violence doesn’t discriminate. I was a normal girl , who shined light in every room when I walked in. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 176,"Title: Friend’s sending me suicidal messages what do I do?? Urgent Text: This is it “I think that tonight will end very badly for me :( Once again, thank you for your time and in general for your friendship and support I'm probably insane 🤷🏻‍♂️” Before I talked like 2hours with him trying to cheer him up. He’s successful in life , but depressed For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 177,"Title: Do I have the right to be sad? Text: Hi. I am a 13 year old and I seemingly livd a very good life. I have wealthy parents who both have high ranking jobs in financial fields and I live in an expensive, modern apartment building on the riverside in a nice neighborhood. I go to nice trips and I overall have a lot of luxuries that upper/upper-middle class have and I would consider myself a gifted and smart and analytical person. All this being said, I fucking hate this shit. I feel like everything is just a pile of shit. And I feel like I don’t have the right to since I live such a privileged life. I didn’t get into the school I wanted after elementary school and went to a zone school for 6th and most of 7th, and there it was just a fucking waste of my damn time and I barely did any homework nor did I make friends and have any fun experiences. It was so miserable. I transferred to my current school in late 7th and now am in the same school in 8th, and it is definitely an improvement from last year but I still feel so empty. My friends situation is weird since everyone there knows each other well and I feel awkward when I hang around others who are really close, and I just don’t feel that comfortable there as I would with my old friends that I’ve known since I was little. And not only is school bad, but I don’t do jack shit at home either. I’m studying for an upcoming highschool exam and I practice guitar I guess but that’s all the “good” things I do. Aside from that I just walk around in circles and play autistic ass roblox games and watch depressing tv show, so basically I just do absolutely nothing. Other kids are doing all these sports and have events and see their friends after school but when I get home I just lay on my bed and sigh and look at social media and see everyone else being so much happier than me. I’ve just been feeling so empty and lonely and I needed some fucking help in this shithole of a planet. I take meds and do therapy and talk to my parents about it but I’ve still kept my same miserable habits and I’ve gone nowhere and I don’t know if it ever gets better. Please someone help me please I don’t want to be sad I want to be genuinely happy for once I can’t remember the last fucking time I’ve been actually fucking happy Jesus Christ 😐 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 178,"Title: I’m definitely getting stupider Text: Long lasting chronic depression + anxiety + stress of living in covidland + school in covidland has genuinely been making me feel stupid. I’m stumbling over my words when speaking, I’m forgetting how to spell words when writing, my already abysmal memory has gotten worse and overall I feel like my cognitive ability has gone down the trash. I can’t be alone feeling like this right? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 179,"Title: Does anyone know how to hide sh scars that are on your arms and thighs? Text: I’ve relapsed and i can’t let my parents see as they make me feel worse when they find out (they cry and make me feel bad for doing it). I really need to find a way to cover up. Please help For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 180,"Title: I'm so alone Text: No matter what I do. I always end up alone.. I thought I had a good thing going and I just got ghosted out of nowhere. Our last conversation was pleasant so I don't know what I did wrong. It happens all the time so the issue is me... things would be better if I was dead For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 181,"Title: If guns were easier to obtain in Canada I'd be dead Text: I just can't find a relatively painless and sensible way to go. My brother jumped off a bridge and died but he was alive for like four hours afterwards and that doesn't sound very fun. There's such stigma around suicide and it's stupid. Even if I type into google about suicide methods all I get is suicide hotline phone numbers and therapy numbers. I'm perfectly sane and I'm not depressed. Life is literally just so bad that the juice isn't worth the squeeze. The wages are shit, I can't even find a job, and all my family members keep fucking dying. I don't understand what the purpose of being alive is. Every human on the planet suffers. Animals just casually kill and eat each other. This planet is so vicious and mean. How could anyone not want to die? What is the selling point to existing on Earth for a few more years when a painful and terrifying death eventually awaits you anyway? There's no way to win. You can lose stylishly like Elon Musk but you can't win. There are no win conditions. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 182,"Title: I don’t know if this is sexual harassment Text: Someone keeps trying to get me to see their nude pictures. I’ve mentioned that I’m a minor multiple times, and said no multiple times, too For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 183,"Title: Stuck Text: My boyfriend owns a lot of knives. Theyre all over his room. We’ve only been together for a few weeks and this is the first time the urge has been so strong when im at his place. He knows I’ve struggled with sh but i cant bring myself to tell him how it is rn. I want to tear my skin open but i dont want him feeling sad or guilty when he sees. He keeps asking me to talk to him when im crying but idek what to say. I just plain feel shit and dull and in need of pain. I wish i was in my own bed where itll take longer for the sh guilt to hit For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 184,"Title: Saving Face in Customer Service Text: I work at a bank in a store. We have had multiple customer come in and bring us food before (one guy brings in a tray of cookies for the whole team every year for Christmas, etc). This one customer in particular who has been coming in and bringing the Team occasional snacks has started directing the “gifts” directly to one of my colleagues. He is very clearly infatuated with her to the point where she does not feel comfortable. She was at a teller pod one day and was capable of being in a position where he would rub her shoulder while she helped with something. (She will not work at that station anymore). A second colleague and myself have tried to take him so she doesn’t have to work with him when he comes in but he insists on going to her. We are in customer service, we still have to be decent people but this guy is very close to crossing lines. But he hasn’t done anything to get banned from the bank or the grocery store. What should we do? TL;DR We’re in customer service. Asshole guy is creepy but not enough to be banned. How do we proceed? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 185,"Title: Everything looks so cruel.. Text: I don’t know where to start, each part of my life drags me to suicide. I say to myself ‘this time things will change and you’re gonna be ok’ but I’m just going worse day by day. I’ve had not even a bit of support from my family when someone tried to kill me whilst I was studying away from them. I had to change my school every 1-2 years due to my family. They didn’t even allow me to choose the major I want when I was going to apply for university. Gave loan to a friend and he didn’t pay it back. I was going to open a shop with that money. Even though my family didn’t want me to open. Then I locked myself at home and tried to find a way. Always thought about suicide again and again. Even opened a Reddit account and wrote this subreddit before. Many people told me that suicide is not a solution but it always seems to me like it’s the only solution. Then I decided to go abroad. And tried to find a job but no one accepted. Whilst I was searching about studying Australia with scholarship a friend offered me to open a cafe together, he told me that I cannot go abroad, and made me believe him. Then we started and I took huge amount of money from my relatives and friends. Just six months later (last week) things didn’t go well and I had to quit due to landlord of the cafe and a mafia. I locked myself at home again and thought maybe I can find a job in Finland, Sweden, Germany, Ireland, Australia and so on. Thought I can pay my debts back easily in those countries thanks to strong currency. Also to live in another country was going to be a perfect start for my new life. But seems I’m not qualified for none of it. Then I’ve fallen again in the suicide hole. I’ve no one who can help me, support me with my situation. I feel so alone. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 186,"Title: FUCK spending friday nights alone in your room because literally no one wants to be with you Text: Shit sucks. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 187,"Title: Ok so… Text: Idk how exactly to talk about this, but I kinda… cut myself on purpose the other day. I don’t know why, I just had some kind of uncontrollable urge to. I’ve done it a few times, but nothing ever happened. This time though, I got like, a rush after. That was something… I guess. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 188,"Title: My mum is very depressive, anxious and suicidal everyday but she refuses to seek help. What can I do? Text: Hi, ⚠️ Warning: suicides related topics mentioned. So I have been suffering a lot recently because of my family situation. My mum has recently been very depressive and anxious to a point that she is suicidal everyday. (actually, probably not “recently”, she has been like this for a long time already, but no one dares to point that out.) She yells and cries pretty much everyday and she is very emotionally unstable, I don’t know what could upset her now. The tiniest thing can result in her screaming and yelling for hours. It’s causing me to suffer as well because I am living with an unpredictable bomb, who just regularly attempts suicide and talks about suicidal thoughts EVERY GOD DAMN MORNING. My dad is also suicidal and is starting to have mental problems by living with my mum. I am afraid I might be the next to break down as I am living in constant fear and anxiety while having stress with my academic performance. However, as a very typical Asian mother, she cares more about how she looks in others eyes than her own life and refuses to receive any kind of help. Last weekend my dad and my mum were attempting to jump off the balcony and I was on the verge of calling the cops, but my mum said if I called the cops she would hate me forever even if she dies. My elder sister called the cops before and my mum always talks about this whenever she is unhappy with my sister. She doesn’t believe in psychology and thinks it’s a waste of money and it will not help at all. After my mum was trying to jump off the balcony with my dad, my elder sister suggested that my mum should visit her and she can take our mum on a trip to relax and calm down. I thought everything was fine until today morning I heard from my sister that my mum is suicidal again and she said she is visiting my sister only because she wants to see my sister living a good life before she ends her life. At this point I just feel furious and hopeless with my parents. As a 21 years old University student, I really don’t know what I can do now. Everyday I am living in the fear of becoming an orphan and can’t afford my college until I graduate. Any suggestions on what I can do? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 189,"Title: dropped out of school cause i hate myself Text: i’m 16. junior. stopped going to school at the beginning of sophomore year. i went one day this year. i cannot go to school because i’m so ugly and fat that i’m embarrassed to show myself. i don’t want to keep missing school but i can’t overcome this self hatred. it’s ruining my life For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 190,"Title: i cant Text: i feel like im losing my shit.. i feel like the end is near… For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 191,"Title: I found out this weekend just how alone i really am Text: I honestly get such an urge to kill myself so i can hurt everyone who has ignored me and made me fight to feel seen at all. I wish i could do it publicly and with a letter for everyone to read so they know exactly how bad they should feel For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 192,"Title: Goodbye Text: I have silently watched. I made my mistakes. I am not a bad man but I can’t live with the consequences again. Theese days My life will end… For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 193,"Title: sucks being alone Text: Anybody wanna chat text me For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 194,"Title: Having no friends at 26 has killed every aspect of my life Text: Creatively, even the simplest of things are impossible (I'm an artist). *Need a picture of myself for artwork?* Forget about it. *Need someone to help film a short clip with me?* Nope. Romantically, any girl that likes me *always* ends up losing interest, then eventually ignoring me and deleting me off their socials. Probably because I never have anything interesting to post. Unlike everyone else my age, you never see me with friends or family doing activities, drinking or just hanging out. I'm boring by default And career wise I have no connections, recommendations or references. It really fucking sucks being held back in life due to having no friends Now I just sit in my room and watch life go by **EDIT:** I wanna say thank you to everyone writing kind messages and advice. I honestly wasn't expecting this to get a response at all *(there was only 1 reply when I went to sleep)*. Now I've come back 13 hours later to all this positivity and it's made my week, thanks again For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 195,"Title: HELLO PLEASR HELP Text: IT WAS IN THE MOMENT BUT I REALLY DO NOT WANT TO DIE. I SLIT MY THROAT WTF DO I DO???? I DIONT WANT TI DIE OKAY!! PLEASSE For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_active_ongoing" Question 196,"Title: Existential Terror Text: Hi. I suffer from. Well let's not go diagnostic too much I don't want to taint your opinions. Brief historical data possibly of relevance: Childhood-irrational screaming mother to the point the walls seemed to melt before my eyes. Preteen: parents circle around me weeping I a chair degrading me using words like flunk and failure because I got an F on a major project I didn't do under protest of violating my privacy. Otherwise straight a student until after that. 18th birthday: come home happy from work to my mom ""where the hell have you been? Pack your shit and get out!"" Homeless Back on my feet Alcoholic Married. Father a son. Son dies of neuroblastoma age 4 Divorce Marry the girl I loved in hs Almost die of complications of alcoholism Detox Separation Die twice from an apparent overdose I don't remember Recovery. Memories all messed up skill performance degraded. Today: I have trouble sleeping. Awful nightmares and post alcoholic insomnia. Sometimes I can't get any good sleep at all because I wake up in fear as soon as I hit a rem cycle. During the day I am often struck with an overwhelming feeling of dread, everything is not what it appears to be. The truth though. Somehow I know it's too horrifying to handle. When it's really bad it comes with an olfactory hallucination. An unidentifiable mix of something like decay and . I don't even know. It stinks. It's like underneath the world that exists only to my senses, which are easy to fool, there's something really really bad going on at a level beyond experiential reality. This existence feels like not just a lie, but towards a truly nefarious purpose of incomprehensible proportions. Thoughts? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 197,"Title: HR Text: How was peoples experience with HR successfully resolving sexual harassment at work? We’re they In favor of you? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 198,"Title: My ex girlfriend killed herself a few day ago Text: She always looked so happy, now i can’t stop thinking about it. Had not seen her in two months when I got the news. She broke up with me cause She wanted to be single. We got along well and She seemed like a happy person. Now I can’t stop thinking about all the little signals. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 199,"Title: Men in Hollywood Have Failed To Apologize For Acts of Sexual Harassment Text: https://medium.com/hack-for-chayn/8-ways-men-in-hollywood-have-failed-to-apologize-36f2d397d5dd For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 200,"Title: was i really raped? would i have been normal if i wasn't? Text: i have no one to talk to about this and honestly, i think i'd prefer to talk about this with strangers. Hi, i am Dan, 22, male, and when i was 6, i (believed (i've kept this memory by myself and pretended it was a normal thing so basically i have no idea if it even happened because i can barely remember it.) ) i was sexually ""assaulted"", i am not really sure if it was an assault because i dont remember any crying or violence, but i was 6 so i have no idea what was happening. so yeah, this dude got me into a room and, as what i remembered, he fuck faced me. i have actually no idea who he was because i have this thing where i can't remember faces unless i try to. but that's not actually the point of this post. i actually want to talk about this late realization i had. i wondered... if that incident did not happen to me when i was a child, could i have experience having a ""normal"" sexual/self identification. if that thing did not happen, would i have been more reserved, instead of being hypersexual. also, would i have been straight if that thing did not happened? or was i always a homo? i dont know. i feel like i was robbed from my own experience on exploring my identity, my sexual identity. i am not really sure if y'all understand what i'm asking? i am not really sure what i am doing here. i am just trying to spill all of these thoughts before these get buried again and become another one of my ""did that thought even occured to me before? or did that even happened to me before?"" ​ so yeah. do what you want with this post. if someone has an answer to one of my stupid questions, please let me know. if someone experienced this before, let me know. Thanks. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 201,"Title: Exposing my cuts Text: Today at the doctor I was getting an IV and they couldn’t find a good vein in my usual spots (left hand and arm).. for the first time ever, I had to lift the sleeve of my right arm with all my cut scars. The nurses saw.. everyone who sees tries not to say anything.. which I understand because it’s awkward and personal, and sad. But they just carried on as normal, but one nurse wanted to acknowledge the cuts. I won’t forget how she placed her hand on my scars and looked at me and asked “is it ok we that go in this arm?”. That made me feel comfortable and ok with it. That made me want to come here and share my experience. I experience so much shame because of my scars. I’m not proud of what I’ve done to myself. But I feel a sense of strength and resilience in this moment because other people understand too. I’m not alone, and the fact that I’m still here is inspiring to myself. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 202,"Title: psychopath Text: lately, I have been feeling lesser emotions, it's like no matter what happens I just don't seem to care. Anyone, how can resonate? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 203,"Title: my ex is becoming a General Manger of a community radio station. Text: My abusive ex is extremely good at lying and acting. Hes so good that not one person has questioned him about the abuse.. now he's climbing the social ladder, he even got a 30k grant from the national endowment for humanities.. I wish there was a way for people to take domestic violence seriously that way both the victim and the victimizer can get help and support. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 204,"Title: Has anybody ever had a case where their abuser pled guilty and the case didnt go to trial? Text: What were the charges? The plea deal? And u didnt have to testify? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 205,"Title: I'm lost Text: When we met 6 years ago - I thought he was the man of my dreams. The first time he hit me I figured it was because I was being a bitch. I do have a problem keeping my mouth shut. The first time he stole from me... i figured it was just a mistake. We were struggling - i admit, I thought it was just him coping. When I got pregnant I thought we would be so happy. It was all he ever wanted. A family. When he isolated me from my friends, I thought he was looking out for me. Weeding out all the bad apples. When he refused to help me with bills..I just assumed he needed time to catch up... for 6years. When I caught him cheating the first time... it was my fault for questioning him. I was so happy to feel the baby kick again after he strangled me til I saw stars. Now shes 3 and shes scared of him. He yells at us all the time. Yells at her for being a normal toddler. Yells at me for not being perfect. Now hes cheating on me again. After a month of silent treatment that I'm used to. Every other month like clockwork. Walking on eggshells, just accepting that everything I do is wrong. Won't touch me or even say anything civil. I cant do it anymore. Stay alive for my daughter because I cant imagine him being her only parent. But something tells me she'd be better without me. Im just a loser who stayed with her abuser too long. I cant let her have such a pathetic mother. I just want to give up. Ill never be able to leave him. Im so weak now. I dont know where else to turn. Everyone in my life must be so sick of me. I give up... For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","domesticviolence_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 206,"Title: June 17th 2023/2024. Text: I want it to be on my birthday. Depends how long I can last. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 207,"Title: self harm: a comfort to me Text: Ive come to terms with why I majorly self harm and its always my repeated process of cutting, not feeling like its not ""enough"" to bandage but doing so anyways. And through this the comfort after momentary pain is my own form of consoling myself and giving myself care when no one else in my life can. Especially with my parent who rejects all assets of who I am and neglects me emotionally, self harm picks up on it and allows for myself to be both the patient and the doctor. was wondering if anyone else feels this way. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 208,"Title: crying Text: currently crying because I miss my ex/rapist I miss how sweet he was...I miss our conversations I miss everything I wish he never did what he did I wish I was still with him I fucking miss him fml For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 209,"Title: How to deal with failure? Text: got fired months ago because of sth that not about my performance. job hunting for months, interviewed with >20 company, all failed. today i fail an interview again. i have prepared it for over a week and still fail. everytime i fail, i lose control and start yelling. I really hate myself for being such a loser. But i know this feeling can't help, it just make things worse. But it is really hard to not think that way. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 210,"Title: my mom found a way to get me to stop cutting Text: she checks my legs everyday and if there’s new ones she slaps me as hard as she can and then cries and makes me feel bad! edit: she also does the same thing when i don’t eat except there’s a lot more screaming at me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, childabuse_endangerment_ongoing" Question 211,"Title: Physical pain? Text: I noticed I've been experiencing headaches for the past week and now I'm feeling chest pain ( mainly on the right side in the middle?). Is this all normal with grief? When should I be concerned? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 212,"Title: My friend can't survive on her own if she were to leave... And might not survive at all if she were to stay... What do I do? Text: My friend is in an extremely abusive relationship. Things have took a turn for the worst, and after a life threatening incident, she's finally come around to the idea of leaving him. It's a long story... But to make it short... Her family moved here from a country that doesn't really believe in giving women rights and lives under strict religious doctrine. She doesn't have a lot of autonomy, but through circumstance, we've managed to become quite close friends. I'm literally one of the only people she can confide in... But I'm also a guy. Even though it's strictly platonic between us, it's a very secretive relationship to avoid any domestic repercussions. I've always been there for her, and have given as much support I can give. But there's only so much I can do without risking her safety. For the last year I've been trying to convince her to reach out and talk to a professional that deals with women looking to leave abusive relationships. After this last incident, I pretty much broke down in tears begging her to reach out to one of the many services I've been suggesting to her. She did... And I am so fucking proud of her for doing so. But we live in a very high cost of living area... She has two kids to look after... The two of them are just barely getting by to support their family. Her husband controls everything... Her paycheques go directly to him. She doesn't really have a concept of the current economy. Even if she works full time, she couldn't afford to leave her husband and support her kids with her current job. Now that she's reached out, she's been confronted with this financial dilemma. It took her so much courage to reach out and make a change, only to be hit with the reality that she cannot survive and provide without a second income. I spent a lot of time just pleading for her to get help, and never really considered what would happen afterwards. How do you convince someone in this situation that everything will be ok? She's now trying to tell herself that she can tough it out for a few more years until the kids are old enough to live on their own... She's literally being torn between suffering life threatening abuse and being homeless. It's not right. It's heartbreaking. It's keeping me up at night. I want to help her. I want to make sure she's safe. I can give her financial support, and get her headed in the right direction.... But again, I'm worried my continued involvement will only make things worse if he were to find out. I'm sorry for the long post, but I'm at a total loss on how to handle this. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 213,"Title: I just got out of the mental hospital Text: I just came home from the mental hospital for the first time, and after multiple days of feeling happy and looking forward to leaving, I get in the car my dissociation starts up again. That was at 2 pm. It is 7 pm. I am not feeling better no matter what I do. I'm actually feeling worse and less connected to the world than I was before my trip to the hospital. Is this normal? I just want to feel better. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 214,"Title: My rapist finally died( my mother is the only other person that knows about this ) Text: When I was in elementary a male teacher had assaulted me He use to help the math teacher with tutorial if they were to many students with teachers so he would take and teach them in his class he had been really nice to be at the beginning like he was with the other students but I did notice he was getting touchy with me like he would touch my shoulder and pet or play with my hair and one day he ended up wanting to have a “private tutoring” and he only wanted to focus on me because I was gaveling the hardest time getting the math he was teaching for a while then he sat next to and touched my thigh (it was honestly worse because I wore a skirt that day) and he ended touching my private area and those “private tutoring” got to be two-three times a week at first he would just use his finger the then he moved to foreign objects this lasted two years but stopped when I got to old for him (I was in the fourth grade when he stopped) now how I found out how he died was because I found out his actual name and stalked his social media idk why and this past week when I checked it I saw his wife had posted that he died due to cancer I felt like so relieved he died a slow death in a way For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 215,"Title: Avoiding the psych ward Text: In the past week I’ve gotten 34 stitches in two separate visits to the er. I barely managed to avoid getting sent to the Psych ward but my parents don’t want me to go-(there’s nowhere in our area that deals with eating disorders and psychiatric illness and they don’t want my Ed to get worse). The doctor said they’re “very concerned” about my “very severe self harm” (I don’t think it’s as bad as they make it sound). I’m just trying to make it to thursday because I have a psych evaluation that I don’t want to miss, but honestly I’m struggling a ton. I can’t control myself at all- I know it’s only a matter of time before the place a hold on me. Idk what to do. I don’t want to go but also a part of me wants to be hospitalized again, as bad as that sounds. It’s like the world saying “it IS bad enough, you are sick enough”, idk. They’re putting me on some medication for drug addicts to try and curb the “reward cycle”. I’ve been on medication after medication since I was first hospitalized at 12, 4 years ago. I’ve been cutting since I was 8 and self harming since I can remember. Idk what to do, at this point. I couldn’t stop even if I wanted to. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 216,"Title: Loneliness Text: Loneliness is horrible its like a pain that puts a hole in your chest and the hole never leaves wtf For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 217,"Title: I started a new job and feel lonely Text: So, I arrived home from work at Target yesterday feeling down for no reason. Thie morning started off fantastic; I was joyful, energized, and productive; however, after my lunch break I began to feel depressed. It was like a switch was flipped, and I have no idea why. Nothing had happened, and no one had said anything to cause this. Have other people experienced this? Do you do anything to keep you feeling motivated and positive? Despite the fact that I've only been there for 5 days, I've already established a routine for when I arrive at work. I don't like to feel rushed, therefore I always make sure to arrive early. Occasionally I'll go to the restroom first, then collect my equipment (Zebra Device, Walkie Talkie, etc.), grab a cup of coffee, and settle in to work. I usually arrive at work a little frazzled, take a seat to collect my thoughts, and then punch in on the clock. In terms of my mental and physical health, I feel that some days are better than others. Questions like how productive I am or how well I interact with my coworkers and the guests are examples. I'm an introvert and I get nervous talking to people. I feel like I come across as shy or awkward. Sometimes after talking to somebody I think to myself ""That was a stupid thing to say"". Not that I say anything rude but just my response feels like it could have been better. My coworkers aren't rude; in fact, they're all very kind and helpful. Nonetheless, I never feel like I truly ""fit in"" with the group. In the same breath, I have no interest in altering who I am merely to be accepted. I'm standing next to them as they talk, and I can't decide if I should join in or remain silent. They were discussing the Targets in Hawaii the other day, and the topic naturally shifted to the very first Target store. Then I started remembering along with them about the old Target, complete with neon lights and a red and yellow french fry carpet, and they were all like ""I don't remember that,"" making me feel like the idiot. It's possible that they're not trying to exclude me at all; perhaps I just need to make more of an effort to engage with them. Even as I type this, I feel like I'm providing an answer to my own question. Anyways, sorry for the lengthy book chapter response, haha. But i'm hoping you read all of it and would like to hear your thoughts. I sincerely appreciate it. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 218,"Title: I just want to stop existing Text: I m tried of the every day grind.... I m tried of the boring life.... I m tried of just existing..... Wish I had the courage to end it all for once. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 219,"Title: Finally Have Exit Plan Text: Throwaway for obvious reasons. ​ As the title says, I finally have an exit plan. To make a long story short, my BF is an abuser. He drinks until he gets blackout drunk, and does things like give me black eyes, break ribs, and even put a cigarette out on my chest. Then doesn't remember the next morning and so he swears he would never do something like that. He makes me feel like I'm making it all up or if it's true, it MUST be my fault. ​ I kept quiet for two long years, until this morning I snapped. I finally called my mom and confessed everything to her, and together we came up with an exit strategy. Leaving won't be immediate. It can't be. He's got full financial control over me. He's gotten me fired from every job I've ever had. And no shelter will take me because of my exotic pets (I will not leave them. He will kill them to spite me). She helped me set up a secret bank account with statements going to her PO box so I can put away money to leave. ​ The thing that really makes me mad, though, is how much I still love him. I love who he is SOBER. I want him to get help. But I'm finally realizing that won't happen. That may never happen. So for now I'm saving money. I enrolled in online courses, and I just got a call for a second interview for a 40hr, $3000/mo job. I told him I would make less than that so he won't question. I'm going to set up direct deposit to my secret account and only pull out $1,000/mo. In 2 or 3 months I should have enough to get out. ​ Sorry this post is so scattered. Today has been emotionally draining. Update: https://www.reddit.com/r/domesticviolence/comments/chs9lw/i_had_him_arrested/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 220,"Title: my rapist gave birth to my child after i was raped in february Text: i’ve explained everything in the last two posts i’ve made, but on tuesday my rapist gave birth to our child. i took your advice and i decided to tell my parents a few days after i made my last post, they talked with her family and decided we should get a test, the test said it was mine. we then all met up and i said i didn’t want to have anything to do with the child. my rapist asked if she could speak to me so i said yes, she spoke to me in her room and apologised, i asked her if she realised what she’d done and what she’d done to me and she didn’t answer, i don’t know why, but i started to feel sorry for her and started to feel like i messed things up for her. i know i shouldn’t but that’s how i feel. she tried to sit down next to me but i told her that i didn’t want her to sit near me. she said she planned on giving the child up for adoption. on tuesday she gave birth and she told me on thursday, i don’t know what’s happened to the child but i don’t want anything to do with it, she asked to meet up soon on our own to discuss everything, i don’t know if i can or if i should. there’s still a part of me that feels sorry for her and that loves her and i hate it because i know i shouldn’t. im sorry if this isn’t clear, i’m writing it before going to school. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 221,"Title: There is a troll Text: So i posted about my rape before and that i would be charged, so as you know on reddit when someone comments it gives you a notification. And there for on my notifications SOMEONE commented saying that im a silly girl and should never have sex, excuse me. Who the fuck do u think you are COMMENTING ON MY POST ABOUT MY RAPE. They obviously deleted their commented and out of shock i deleted my post. And i would just like to say, im alot more sensible and i didnt take much offence to this. But someone else who has been through my issue would have. So before you comment just think, am i that shitty of a human being to comment it. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 222,"Title: I feel like I started my life too late. Text: I spent most of my high school years during the pandemic, and my grades sucked and my goals were cancelled because of it. Since I was the class of 2022, I really lost the most important years of my life over an unpredictable event that really prevented me from doing well in school. Now that I'm in my first year of college, I am scared that the same thing is going to happen all over again and I can't even think about it. Graduating in 2026 feels scary every day because I am nervous that there could be another big event along the way that could really harm my chances of still going to school halfway upon graduating. As someone who grew up wanting to do well in high school, I'm just full of anxiety every day as I cannot comprehend how bad life is going to get by the time I am done with college in 4 years because of the devastating global events lately. I feel like the year I was born in is just going to put my life on the most uncontrollable timeline ever, and there is nothing I can do about it. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 223,"Title: I found an apartment..please encourage me into signing on it.. Text: I'm so scared and so happy.. I found a place I like. I want to live there. It's a little expensive but I have my mother's support financially and emotionally. But somehow, I'm having doubts if it's the best thing to move forward with.. I just keep doubting every plan I make for escape right now.. I'm looking at ~50 days left on my lease with my abuser boyfriend and the apt is open on the 3rd. I want to escape so badly but he thinks were going to sign on a new place together (even though he tells me know much he hates me and doesn't want to be with me, fucking bdp).. Please help me overcome my guilt and move forward with signing tomorrow. I feel like I'm going to trigger his BPD by moving out silently and secretively but I also know it's the safest way for me to escape. I'm so scared for my family and myself.. It's stupid but I need validation right now..any advice and encouragement to keep walking this path of freedom would be loved.. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 224,"Title: Am I also the abuser for reacting? Text: For example, if you punch me, I’m going to punch you harder because I was raised to not take shit. If you say something verbally unjust, I’m going to respond Things like this. I am slowly learning to be quiet and let him hear himself but I am wondering if reacting to his initial abuse makes me also an abuser? Or a victim who isn’t going to sit back and do nothing? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 225,"Title: I have trouble forming intimate relationships with people and a complete lack of trust. Text: I was raped as a 5 year old. I've repressed most of my feelings and memories from those experiences but I've always felt something was wrong with me in the way I deal with people. I can't discuss it with my therapist yet, its impossible for me to verbalise my problems without getting a panic attack. And that extends to most of my regular relationships, I trust no one with my personal experiences (though I am always willing to listen to theirs). But that has caused most of my friendships to be just at acquaintance-level at best since I'm emotionally a stranger to most people. Is this something other people have experienced or am I trying to connect separate things? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 226,"Title: I can't fucking live like this Text: This isn't just a vent post or me feeling depressed, I can't do this anymore. I don't want to do this anymore. I have no friends, no hobbies and no social life. Everyday in my spare time I lock myself up at home and just waste time on video games and the internet. It's because I am socially utterly braindead. You could give me the most detailed, step by step breakdown on how to socialize and I still wouldn't even be able to say hi. I have been this way for my entire life, and after 21 years I desperately want it to come to a halt. I've had enough. I am throwing my life away at 21 while the average 15 y/o is having a blast with their friends and daily activities. My breaking point was my crush. For about the trillionth time today I had to observe her from a distance as she gave zero fucks about me due to me being the utter failure I am at basic interaction. I've had a crush on her for 4 months and during that time period I've been nothing but a fucking background character to her. A ghost, an irrelevant, invisible, intangible NPC. One day she move on, live her life, go through beautiful moments, find her one and only and forget I ever existed, just like like every other person that's come into contact with me will. Someone, please talk to me. I don't expect you to solve my problems but I want to get at least SOMETHING out of this post. Like I said, this isn't the usual blowing off steam. I've done that before a couple of times and while the words of comfort were nice, I need some kind of help now because I truly cannot handle it anymore, at this point any sort of continuation of my life is just pure torture. I am EXHAUSTED of being a complete WASTE OF SPACE for over 2 decades. I want to fucking die. Please, if you're willing, talk to me. I will thoroughly appreciate any attempt at advice or help. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 227,"Title: Traumatized by a past suicide attempt. Text: Everytime i see a date and time, I always judge it on whether it was before or after my suicide attempt. Everytime I see a picture of myself before my suicide attempt, it feels like I’m looking at someone I murdered. Is it normal to feel this guilty? I genuinely feel like a murdered someone. Even though I lived, I definitely killed some part of me. I feel like I murdered someone and currently live inside their body. I now can’t look at a pill bottle, take a pill, listen to certain songs, wear my pink superdry hoodie, wear my favourite pair of jeans, wear my hair in two braids. Even looking at the word “overdose” makes me sick to my stomach. It happened so long ago but the amount of guilt I feel is overwhelming. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_past Question 228,"Title: Wow just wow Text: This is gonna be short and sweet…maybe belongs in religious sub…… Imagine going through the pain, sufferings, and trauma of life. Never LIVING and barely surviving. Just to die and end up in hell🫢….. like there’s no escape….suicide is a permanent CONSQUENCE to a series of lifetime of problems…. You know if you believe in all that. Thoughts? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 229,"Title: they are making it easy for me Text: My family is making it easy for me to attempt and I don't think they really realize it. I've been asked to get rid of personal/sentimental items and I have been for months at this point. I didn't want to attempt again because I knew that my family would have to sort through my things and try might see something I didn't want them to. Now I have gotten rid of what I think is everything I didn't want them to deal with. everything is gone and nobody even noticed it was happening. My depression has been getting worse. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 230,"Title: I told someone and they weren't mean Text: I told a friend, kinda, just that I picked it up again and instead of just out right 'your bad , ooo call 911' they just was like what do you need me to do? Do you want me to tell you to stop? Just to listen? and I felt really endeared, because I guess rn I just need to talk about it, I can't exactly stop rn, it's my only tool I have that let's me deal with my fear I mean I feel pretty shit about wanting too but it's nice to know I'm not alone, and need to exclusively deal with it my self it's nice to know when I do need to stop, they whould support me For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 231,"Title: Does this count? 23M Text: I have a coworker who we will call N. She is a middle aged woman who is the definition of desperate. Early on into our work partnership everything was fine; she would flirt here and there and I'd shut her down but it's gotten so much worse recently. She will regularly wear very revealing clothes on the days we work together but be conservative any other day, especially if our boss is around. She bends over in front of me and stands close enough to me that her butt is touching me quite frequently. She openly tells me about her sexual experience and goes so far as to ask me for sexual advice. I never feed in to this and still maintain my professionalism. Whats really brought me to this was the other day she was ""showing me the way she used to sit with her previous work partner; promptly spreading her legs over the arms of the chairs we sit in and later that day she was talking about fingering and while mid conversation she spread her legs and asked me for a demonstration of some techniques. She closed her legs and laughed it off when I told her it wasn't appropriate. I don't want to ruin N's career over this but I'm starting to get uncomfortable when she is in the same room as me. She is always staring at me and talking about me. Any advice is appreciated. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 232,"Title: I'm 19 and the loneliness is eating me up Text: I’m so alone just existing for the sake of it the loneliness is eating me up touch starved they call it. Hating everything about me I’ve spent years feeling this way hoping for a better tomorrow and I’m still in the same position I was in college with the stress seeing others talking having fun socialising while I’m stuck in my head I’ve took a lot of thought of myself these past days and I think ending it is not so bad after all family are distant with me except for my mother but I just doesn’t feel enough I don’t even know what I want from life or what I’m even aiming for it’s like I’m just along for this miserable ride to I eventually die I just don’t know anymore I brought a noose and I look at it as away out of this feels like the times I enjoyed living when I was a kid has just dried up and I feel like a old man like my life is just ended  What does it mean to be happy? Satisfied For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 233,"Title: Has anyone thought about cutting only coz you kinda think your scars look nice and want to add to the collection? Text: Sorry if it’s a stupid question For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 234,"Title: Will someone listen to my story? Text: i think I’m going to go with my plan for Monday, but I want someone to listen first For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 235,"Title: How do I stop? (Rant) Text: I feel like shit. I want to die… but I’m too scared to. I hate myself so much… I’ve been sh free for around a year now and I fucked up. I did it again… these feel worst than before. I think I may actually get over my fear. I don’t know. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 236,"Title: Fear of being raped again Text: I live in total fear of ever being raped again. On top of how hard it is to cope with what I went thru, I also live every second of every day afraid of having to go thru rape again. I couldn't handle that. Is anyone else constantly afraid of being raped again? Is this normal? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 237,"Title: I want to do things but I never DO them Text: i WANT to lose weight. i WANT to draw. i WANT to sing. i WANT to socialize. i WANT to shower. i WANT to function as a normal fucking human being. how can i motivate myself to work so hard for someone (myself) that i don’t even like??? i’m getting so sick of being sick of myself... Edit: ahh, i WANT to respond to all of these but i really didn’t expect so many people to respond, lol. thanks so much to the people who gave me advice, i’ll try to respond to at least some of these later! i really appreciate it all. and to the people who are struggling like me, hopefully we can find a way out lol. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 238,"Title: Going to my first therapy appointment, but I don’t want to go at all.. Text: Yesterday, I felt happy that I was going. Today, thinking about it makes me upset, nervous, and I don’t want to go. Tbh, I’m scared I’ll have a breakdown before even stepping into the building. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 239,"Title: I'm unsure about how I should handle this Text: So I have a coworker that is a nice guy but he's either way to nice and sometimes a major creep. Some days he doesn't say anything to me. One day he decided to come up behind me in the breakroom and whisper to me while I was eating and told me my food smelled delicious. A while before that I went in his department to get a hammock. Decently sized and priced with a smaller base. So I take it off the shelf myself and take it to the register, I buy it then I leave to get my car since it's kinda heavy. I bring the car around and I went back in to grab it. My coworker decides that he's going to mess with me and bump me out of the way with his ass and take it to the car for me. He's in his 40's and I'm 20. So I walk behind him and I open my car door and while he's sitting it in my front seat he decides to say ""you know, we could have so much fun together."" Which I was like sure yeah definitely then he says ""we could have so much more fun than you're having now with your boyfriend "". And I'm like ""sure sure yeah uh I gotta go thanks"". And then immediately call my boyfriend (fiancee) and complain to him but he already knows the guy since he used to work with me. I'm really not sure if I should say anything but I know a lot of my coworkers have had him say weird shit to them. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 240,"Title: I am not enough Text: I never have been, am not, and never will be enough for anyone. Not even using the phrase im not good enough. I’m just not enough. My family don’t miss me when im not around. If I don’t contact them I never hear from them. My friends don’t need me in their lives. They all have other people to lean on in times when they have troubles or issues, im useless to them. I’ve never been in a relationship (I’m 24 male) because whenever I meet someone who might want that then I don’t meet their expectations because I am not enough. Very recently I met a girl who I liked a lot and that’s ended badly because again I am just not enough. I can’t give her what she needs. I have never had someone in my life that needs me and it makes me really fucking sad. It makes me think what’s the point in it all. I go to work to earn money for NOTHING. I want someone in my life to share it all with. So I can feel like I actually have purpose. Recently I just keep thinking why am I persevering with each day if it’s just to benefit myself? Because it doesn’t make me feel any better anyway, so what’s the point. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 241,"Title: my boyfriend got raped on a trip Text: I just made this reddit account because I need advice on how to handle the situation. Posting this situation on a few different subs to get as much insight as possible. My (f24) boyfriend (25) was on a week long worktrip in another country to meet up with a few different people from other companies he works with. I didn't join him because I had work myself. This trip was around two weeks ago and he just told me about what happend last night because he was to ashamed. I will recall what he told me yesterday. This is everything he can remember from the night. I highly suspect she drugged him but we can't be for sure. He went out with a few people from the other company and had only one glass of wine. He left it unattended to go use the bathroom. After he came back and had he few more sips he started to feel dizzy. The female colleague called him an uber and said she'd get him home to his hotel. In the uber he was on the verge of consciousness and only remembers the sensation of her tongue in his mouth. He says because she smelled/tasted like tabacco (he hates the smell of cigarettes) and her cold hand down in his pants. He doesn't know what happend after the uber but when he woke up the next morning not wearing boxers he knew something was wrong. He cried while he told me because he was fearing I would break up with him and he feels like he cheated. I comforted him as best as I could and reassuared him that I'm going nowhere. I promised him that I'll support him while he get's to term with what happend and we'll look for therapy. I told him it's not his fault, he could've done nothing and I'll contact the hotel to check if they have any surveillance camera. They may have recorded something and he can thus take legal action against her. We usally have sex after he gets back from a trip because we miss each other but this time we didn't. I didn't question it (long flight, probably exhausted). He said the thought of having sex makes him anxious and he's afraid he'll never be able to have a healthy sex life again. I know he's strong and that he'll get better afer therapy. I'm not sure on how to move further with the situation. I won't be initating any sexual actions in the coming time and try to always be there if he needs me. I'm hoping anyone who (sadly) has similar expiriences and can get me some tips on handle the situation as best as I can. I'm afraid I'll trigger him or hurt him more. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 242,"Title: there are so many shitbags just lurking on this sub Text: I know there is nothing that can be done beyond what is in place. But I can't help but wonder what they really are getting off to the ""story"" or the ""trauma""? Do rapists want to cause lifelong trauma or do they just not think beyond their own orgasm, regardless of damage? Some douche posted the yesterday that he gets off to this sub. It pissed me off. I know shitbags are going to shitbag, but there is a lot of support and encouragement on this sub. I hate that they make people reluctant to share or ask their questions. You have hurt people enough. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 243,"Title: “Lonely girlfriend” rant Text: My boyfriend is quite popular (even though he says he isn’t) and I have 1 friend that I speak to now and again, I had a few more friends but they’ve become quite distant over the past year. My boyfriend gets invited out to places multiple times a week (he doesn’t always go) and I get jealous because I have nothing to do or no one to make plans with, the one friend I have works opposite hours to me, no one ever invites me out - if I want to talk to people or make plans I have to put in all of the effort. I don’t stop him from going out but he notices that I get upset when he has plans and I don’t want him to start restricting his social life because of me then I will look like the typical “controlling girlfriend” which I am absolutely not. It just sucks being uncontrollably lonely. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 244,"Title: I don’t know who to report to Text: I, among my coworkers, have been experiencing sexual harassment at my workplace but it’s a small business that doesn’t have an HR department. The person who is doing the harassing is the General/Head Manager and going to the owner of the business isn’t an option. I’ve been doing research but I don’t know who to file a formal complaint to about the harassment. I’m already considering leaving but I have coworkers there who can’t afford a job transition like I am and unfortunately they’ve been experiencing more harassment than I have been due to me not working with this manager as much as they do (I’m a dishwasher/line cook, and the servers at where I work, end up working with him more). For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 245,"Title: Biggest accomplishment in my life so far and no one to share it with Text: I graduated PhD today, and it was the hardest thing I have ever done. So many times I wanted to quit but somehow I pulled through. Today is graduation day. Even with covid everyone is celebrating, in town, back home, online, with family, friends, loved ones, and advisors saying profusely nice things. Mine doesn't even care. All my friends and family are thousands of miles away. I've been cooped up on my own since covid started, wrote a dissertation I am truly proud of, lined up a great job, but for the first time this year I broke down. I am so alone in the world. I am so lonesome I could cry. Edit: Thanks everyone. Your replies are so heartwarming they brought a big smile to my face. To all the graduates, congrats we made it. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 246,"Title: feeling like i’m wasting my life Text: TW/ suicidal ideation been working for at a job i don’t enjoy working 9 hours a day making $5 an hour (grateful still but idk i’m tired) and i lost hope. I’m wasting my time trying to live the way i’m “supposed to” and the way other people want and i don’t believe i deserve better but i’m not doing well. for some reason the only reasonable way out of this that i can think of is to unalive myself and it’s went from passive to active thoughts. other options are way too much work For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 247,"Title: I don't have the energy to meet life halfway Text: I just turned 30. I have no idea what happened the past 5-6 years. I have nothing to show for myself. I have a job I hate that pays the bills and nothing else. My brain is always stuck in an eternal fog. When I try speaking to people, my thoughts are moving but nothing comes out. I stopped working out months ago. I spend each day addicted to youtube or tv so I don't have to think about how lonely and fucked up I am. I told my mother that she's the only reason I'm keeping myself alive. And thats the truth. I have nothing in this world except her. She wants me to change so bad, but I just don't have the energy. Taking a walk, going to a meetup, texting an old friend, all of these things take energy that I just don't have in me. I spent over 24 hours straight on the couch this weekend. My brain is too decrepit to learn new skills and put my mind to use on getting out of this lifestyle. My place is a mess. Piles of paper and takeout boxes everywhere. Brushing my teeth everyday is an accomplishment in itself. I shower once a week now. I used to be so much better than this. The shrink prescribed me lithium. If it doesn't fix me, it will make me even fatter than I am right now. I want to change but I just don't have the energy. I'm more alone than anyone knows. I hate the people I know for doing so well in their lives with their relationships and their financial success. Those things were somehow not meant for me. I feel the crushing misery of my old age and inability to change. I simply want to leave this world alone like it left me a long time ago. I could go on but it's not like anybody fucking cares For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 248,"Title: I should die Text: The only diffrence is that I am no longer in depression. But I still feel sad… I want to sleep ): For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 249,"Title: i feel like i’m too old for this Text: i’m 25 and just started self harming cause i’m just too depressed. initially it was just on my stomach cause i feel too fat and hate it. then it was on my arms cause they’re too fat too. now i’m on my wrists. it’s getting hard to hide it since i work an office job 5 days a week 8hr a day and i live in a warm city. i don’t feel like stopping it cause it makes me feel alive, i’m doing it out of boredom, sadness and hatred for myself. i’m feeling awful cause i feel nobody would have romantic/sexual interest in a 25yo who does that. i also feel like my coworkers would just hate me for that :( For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 250,"Title: Would this be considered workplace harassment? Text: I am currently a female intern at an elementary school for school counseling. Today my supervisor and I were having a conversation about the alcohol fireball. She has never had it so I explained to her that it was a cinnamon alcohol. The custodian popped his head into the office and said, did you just say semen alcohol? I immediately felt flushed and didn’t say anything. He has also made comments before such as, “I like to wrestle with my wife sometimes”. Sometimes these comments make me feel awkward and it’s hard to be around him after that. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 251,"Title: Ignore me. I am just venting. Text: I am pretty stressed because of uni, moving out from my parents and social interaction also I hate being rude to my parents but i am so.stressed and sometimes they make me lose it. And the urges come back. Also muscle and jaw tension is peaking again which gives me headache and so on blablabla. I hope I won't cut. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 252,"Title: so boring Text: No friends, no one to talk to. I am envious of others who frequently go out with their friends, eat, go to the supermarket, go to the movies, and so on... Fun. There seems to be no place for me in that happy world. I just want someone to do it with me. Tell me interesting things to think about. Maybe I'm not good at talking or interesting, so no one is around. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 253,"Title: If I see my friend's abuser out in public, what do I do? Text: My best friend (they/she) was abused in every possible way by a horrible person (they) we'll call R. They managed to leave the relationship about four years ago and have been steadily improving her life since. She still can't even say R's name without tearing up. I recently moved and now there's a few public places where I know I run the high risk of running into R (grocery stores, movie theaters, gay bars/clubs, etc.). R knows I hate them. I know they resent me for helping my friend accept and escape the abuse. If I do see R, and they see me, what do I do? Ignore them? Warn whoever they're with? Try to get them kicked out of the space? I genuinely don't know. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 254,"Title: beyond help Text: i have been drowning for years. when i was twelve, i fell in. i fell into a loophole of depression, self harm addiction, and hit the bottom. everyone around me told me the same things. *it gets better!* *keep pushing* *you're strong* so i believed them. i put my trust into people i now consider to be absolute bullshit. i swam a little higher every day. i made progress, inch by inch... my fingertips grazed the top of the water my body shined with hope and resilience just to be dragged back down to hell. every time i've tried. every. time. so why keep trying? i'm done blindly stumbling into ""recovery"" just to be disappointed. im fucking done. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_past, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 255,"Title: Feels like shit Text: Word got around that this guy I’m friends with liked me, now he’s scared he’ll lose friends. He texted me wondering if I told someone. I don’t know why people even think that but god. But that feels just fucking great. He’s going to lose friends for liking me. Why am I that bad? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 256,"Title: Feeling invalid for not harming ""often enough""? Text: I'm 5 months clean, but does anyone else feel guilty for not harming often enough? I see lots of posts of people on MOS who say they've been clean for a few hours and they're celebrating. When I self harmed I could go a day or two between while waiting for stuff to heal. I had to schedule when I cut pretty tightly. I had gymnastics on Monday and BJJ on Wednesday so I couldn't harm the days before them in case it re-opened while I was doing the sport. I sort of just fell into the habit of only cutting every two or so days. A lot of my friends only go a few hours between their self harm, and struggle to stay clean a full day, and I feel so hopelessly invalid compared to them. Anyone else feel like they don't/didn't cut often enough to be valid? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 257,"Title: Psych hospital Text: Can you get committed with cutting alone? If I say I’m not suicidal. I’m in the USA. I see my PCP on Thursday to go over my meds again. Last apt he gave me stitches for one of my cuts. And since I’ve made 3 cuts where I hit beans and veins. I didn’t get any medical attention for them so they look bad. I’m just scared for him to see them. ETA: I’m 27 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 258,"Title: Making Friends 😢 Text: Okay so I’m a shy teenage girl and I really need help in making friends outside of school. I have a good amount of school friends and people I’m friendly with but I talk with virtually none of them outside of school. I sometimes feel I consider them closer than they consider me which is understandable but still upsetting. I’d like to make closer friends, preferably outside of school where everyone already has a friend group. How do you make friends outside of school? Where should I go? I don’t do any sports and I’m in a few clubs but I’ve had no luck there. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 259,"Title: Done with Dating Text: So I talked about relationships with some close friends, and as much as I would like to stay positive about potentially finding a husband and settling down with, I have to be realistic. If some of them are already thinking about becoming single mothers or even potentially being cheated on cause that's the norm now, then I probably won't have that romantic bond or even being fully loved cause my generation is messed up. It pains me to think that loneliness is what going to end up happening. It's hard finding someone that could match up to my ideals like improving career wise like I do, or someone that wants too live comfortably not really lavious or luxury cause it would be nice but definitely not entirely needed. Like I don't need expensive things in life, I just want to add to my family and have good careers where money isn't always the issue and give my kids a decent life and education. To being able to go places together and experience life here and there cause trips can always be saved for. But I may never have partner that wants that. My generation can't wait for anything, they just want to hook up and leave, no talking really, no relationship, not wanting a family, no nothing. Just this incel mentality. When what I want the most is companionship/friendship with a potential partner, to want to feel loved and wanted. To think that all I'll have is just my career and parents and nothing else. They may never have grandchildren or walk me down the aisle that special day. Not necessarily ""married"" cause I would be happy with common law, like having the rings, calling each other husband and wife but not in paper. Maybe I was dumb thinking that love was out there, but I truly think it died along time ago. I don't know if anyone can tell me how to fully accept loneliness, cause if someone can't be a part of my peace then I don't want it. Like it shouldn't be a battle or games to get someones attention. Like I've said earlier that I gave up on dating apps and it's been 2 months, nothing but men that were extremely rude to me when I did nothing wrong to deserve that. Or getting ghosted or having to wait for days having to respond. That's not talking or dating. I wish I had a cold heart to feel nothing cause then this would be so much easier. But there's no right man out there. I'm not granteed that I have soul mate, for all I know he could very well not exist or just not meant to be this time around, or not meant to be loved this time. Billions of people, but wasn't meant to be with anyone. I don't want to be a single mom or to expect at some point that I might be cheated on. I'm not okay with that. I just want normal, but may never fully feel it. At least once would be nice even if it doesn't last, I would like to be wanted and to feel love once by someone else. But I don't believe I would ever have that. I do enough self love/care in my own life, I've done so much self improvement, and yet I'm still alone majority of the time. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 260,"Title: I put up with my teacher touching me for an entire year and I finally told a “friend” and got called disgusting Text: She said that it was really gross that I would let a old guy touch me. But she doesn’t get what it was like I mean I guess I let him but I don’t know. I was only in seventh grade and he was my teacher. I’m gross I’m gross I’m gross. What did I expect her to say? I thought we were friends and could talk about anything. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","sexualharassment_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 261,"Title: Longest Time Clean Ever Text: One Month, finally. (30 Days!) I've been self harming since I was 11, I'm 17 now. This is the longest clean streak I've ever had. Wish me luck guys (I'd post my IAmSober pic, but the photo wont upload) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 262,"Title: Urge Text: So I just pissed off a friend bc of a prank I did and now I feel like a completely shitty person and I just want cut myself again. I didn’t think it would upset them the way it did (if anyone is curious what it was, I made a post recently on my account) and a friend of mine is really making me feel bad about it. I know I’m in the wrong, but I did the same prank to another friend who didn’t care I did it so I thought it would be fine but ig not. It’s rare that I upset people like this, I can’t even remember the last time I upset someone like this so now I just feel really shitty and I’m sure they will forgive me because that’s the type of person they are, but they may not talk to me for a while. I know I’m gonna hurt myself tonight but I just hope I don’t go overboard. I wish I wasn’t so hard on myself but I really think of myself as a shitty person most of the time so this just added more to that view. It sucks because it shouldn’t be something I cut myself over but since I’ve coped this way for so long I know it’s the only way I feel I can do. I’m probably deleting this later. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 263,"Title: Imagine how pleasant it would be to sleep forever Text: I don't want to die per say, but I also don't want to be alive. It's too hard and I'm not cut out for it. The only place where I feel relief is when I'm asleep. When I'm asleep nothing bothers me, nothing can hurt me. I just wish it could be like that forever. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 264,"Title: I shed for the in a different place for the first time Text: Idk if this means anything, but I just didn't want to deal with it in the normal place I do it.. I guess I'll have to keep my arm hidden for a bit... For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 265,"Title: Tired of dating Text: Everyone says I have it all: good looks, good personality, funny, compassionate, empathetic, good heart, fun to be around, wise, work out, etc. But it feels like even if you have everything it will **never be enough** However, I can’t ever seem to get the people I truly want in terms of dating. I’ve finally stopped settling, and now it seems that I am getting either ghosted, let down, or whatever. I don’t come on too strong either, I’m not needy or anything. Just a rant, it’s just frustrating. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 266,"Title: fantasies connected to rape Text: This post is gonna contain a little detail about nsfw stuff so TW if anyone reading doesn't want to or can't handle seeing stuff like that rn I've just snapped out of thinking about fucking one of my managers at work and it's got me thinking about whether my weird brain obsession with being good at sucking dick is connected to what happened to me?? This sort of 'fantasy' is common and just sort of pops up in my brain from time to time, not always the same guy but the general consensus is ""I suck his dick and it's the best head he's ever received in his life"". The manager Ive had it about is also the mental health first aider on my workplace and ive told him briefly that I was raped and that it's something that's increasingly occupying my mind recently. I just wanna get this off my chest because it feels gross when I realise what I'm doing. Also id like to know if anyone knows why this happens or if anyone else experiences shit like this too or if I'm just weird and gross??? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 267,"Title: Does SH release endorphins? Text: I have been trying to explain to my boyfriend why I do it after a bad relapse and I just can’t explain it. I mentioned that it apparently releases endorphins… does anyone have any sources or evidence or links? I am googling but crowd sourcing might help! TIA For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 268,"Title: Can any other female relate to this SA experience? Text: I was recently raped but feel really guilty that my body enjoyed it even if I didn't want it. I'm not sure if my body was trying to protect me because I had a lot of lubrication from the stimulation itself. For me personally I unfortunately ended up orgasming twice from when he want down on me and during penetration when he was hitting my gspot. I didn't want it to happen but my body betrayed me and it did honestly feel good. Has anyone else experienced unwanted orgasms like I did? How do you deal with it? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_ongoing Question 269,"Title: Cognitive functions and depression Text: Does depression affect cognitive function(concentration, memory, decision making etc.) For the last couple of years Ive been really struggling especially with memorising things, my short term memory as well as long term got significantly worse. I am on no medicine, M22 yo. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 270,"Title: For lack of a better term, I’m feeling really lonely today Text: To love and be loved seems so nice For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 271,"Title: Am I narcissistic or sociopathic? Text: I never really considered this aside from a few jokes there and then. I'm 22(m), and I'm a fairly average dude. Growing up I've always had a few friends (and some very close friends who'd share everything with me, and vice versa), so I never thought much of it. I never dated anyone because I was chubby and had a strong accent (which mellowed out in the next decade or so), and I always thought I'd find someone and just have a happy, healthy relationship. But I think I've slowly come to realise I have some components I'm not very fond of. I generally have no interest in people's conversations or feelings (and I usually zone out, just throwing in some robotic lines to make them feel better). The only times I actively listen is when I seem to get something out of it - and sometimes that involves me getting a kick out of feeling superior than the person sharing their vulnerability (which is well, fucked). I guess I'm somewhat introverted, but I'm relatively capable of copying an extroverted personality and thoroughly live it by convincing myself that I am that person (with some self-awareness, of course). I find that a fun, out-going, kinda crazy and funny personality works the best with friends or strangers, so I put on that one with people. Otherwise I feel like I don't really have a personality. Just a blank slate, ready to put on whatever works - like one of those wooden puppets. I recently went on a second date with a girl who I thought was amazing. She shared a lot of the same interests, and seemed to like me after the first date. But then, I felt nothing. No excitement as I should, no anxiety, nothing. When I picture myself with her, or anyone else doing couple-y things, I feel nothing. I think the scary thing is that I can make a fairly decent boyfriend without having any feelings for that person, and just doing it for the sake of doing it (or something else). I don't want to drag someone through that, but I no longer know if that's empathetically speaking or morally speaking. I didn't really text her for almost 2 weeks after saying I will, and I think that drained out any excitement she had. We stopped seeing each other after this date (ended on very good terms tho). I feel like I'm incapable of caring for others, and, loving someone else. I don't want to rule out all my friendships as me leeching off the life out someone else yet, but I've begun to question them. I'm lonely, and I want to be loved. Yet, I feel like I'm incapable of loving them back, which makes me feel like a parasite. Am I narcissistic or sociopathic? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 272,"Title: I feel so heavy Text: I suffer from severe depression, bipolar disorder and binge eating disorder, it's so hard to deal with all this 😪 it hurts like hell ❤️‍🩹 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 273,"Title: I wish I would have died back in 2020 Text: ICU nurse here- I took care of many, many people who died during 2020 and 2021, especially before the Covid-19 vaccines came out. I had to watch many people die alone, with no one to hold their hand but me. I wish I would have caught it early on when it was the most lethal and died then, like my patients… it would be better than the pain I’m feeling now. At least they’re not suffering anymore. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 274,"Title: i’m at a real low point in my life right now Text: i’ve never felt so depressed and alone before. i don’t trust anyone around me with anything. i already planned out my suicide and have a list of things i need to do before i carry it out. i’ve been struggling with depression for so fucking long but now i feel like i’ve reached my limit with everything For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 275,"Title: question Text: should i quit my jobe before i end mysself For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 276,"Title: I need to learn to stop talking. Nobody is listening. Text: Like literally, I’m just embarrassing myself at this point. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 277,"Title: I'm NEVER opening up about being actively suicidal again. Text: I've been pushing everyone as far away as possible and isolating myself so that when I end it it hurts less for others. But recently I cracked under the pressure and told a friend and now he is trying to help me and I really don't want help. STOP TRYING TO ANCHOR ME TO THE WORLD I WANT TO DIE. LET ME DIE. FUCK OFF. I HATE THAT YOU CARE. JUST HATE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE AND LEAVE SO THAT I CAN END IT. Just get it over with already. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 278,"Title: Getting Massages Text: I'll be getting a professional massage with my mom in a week or two's time, and I need a way to hide my self harm scars. The place she booked has rooms with multiple tables, so we will inevitably end up being together in the same room for the massage. Makeup will probably run with the massage oil, so I can't do that. I've gotten massages with my mom a few times before the self harm got bad, and she'd find it suspicious if I declined to join her now. I have pretty significant cut scars and hyperpigmentation on my upper thighs and burn scars on the left side of my stomach and hip. I haven't had a massage in maybe 3 or 4 years time, so I'd be really happy to find a way to get one without showing my scars. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 279,"Title: what to do about nervosity and trouble falling asleep? Text: When I was in the relationship with my abusive ex, I was always exhausted, stressed and tired. And whenever I was left alone (e.g. not shouted at, or had to do some stuff for her or had work) and Iwould lay down anywhere anytime, I just fell asleep and could sleep easily for 10 to 12 hours (if permitted, which was not often the case). Now, quite a while after escaping, I have healed a lot, much of the panic and fear has left and I am generally very happy and relaxed. But my anxiety is triggered sometimes and then stays for up to 3/4 hours. And I really have trouble falling asleep or sleeping through without waking up slightly panicked in the middle of the night. Did this happen to you as well and is it a result of abuse? Or is this something else, e.g. just a covid side effect? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 280,"Title: I’m not scared of what comes after anymore, and I feel like that should scare me. Text: I guess this is a call to the void or something. I haven’t been able to think of anything else for almost a month now. Therapy takes too long to see anyone, and life moves to fast to give a shit how you feel. The only reason I haven’t done it yet I think is the risk of surviving and fucking up the rest of my life even more. In the past, it would be like a rush of emotions and adrenaline as I considered it, or moved towards it. Now it’s almost like something I’m looking forwards to. I feel like I’m at the start of the end, where I’m slowly fucking up the rest of my life but it hasn’t hit yet. Like “it’s ok, it’s not the worst case yet” but I know it won’t fucking get better. Maybe I don’t want to live with the consequences of my failures, or see the people around me grow disappointed and get hurt. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 281,"Title: was i harassed? i can’t stop thinking about it Text: i’m a college student and live on campus. however, i also am like an hour away from my home so i go back every weekend because i have to help out with my siblings. to get home, i take the train. i never felt weird taking. in fact, i was really excited to go out and do this on my own. however, something happened to me two months ago. a guy got on and started asking me some weird questions. i didn’t want to be rude so i answered them. (i know, that’s my fault.) he just kept talking to me until he asked me a really strange question and i just nodded my head before ignoring him completely. he stopped talking and i thought that was it. but then he moved to the seat behind me and i peeked out the corner of my eye. i saw his hand moving up and down and i completely froze because i’d never experienced anything like that. i looked away at him but then looked back, and saw that his hand was on his lap, bouncing up and down, not touching himself. i told myself i probably imagined it. he then proceeded to get off the train and i thought he would be gone but he got back in before it left. this time, he sat right in front of me. he told me i was pretty and i just shook my head. he got up and walked right over to me and it looked like her was about to untie his pants until i told him to please not. he said okay and left. was this harassment? he didn’t actually do anything to me and i don’t want to say i experienced something if i’m not even sure it was that. every time i think about it i feel nasty and i just want to cry. i keep having nightmares about it and i’m starting not to do well in my classes. it’s finals week and i can’t even get through one studying session without it occupying my brain. i just want to stop thinking about. if there are any tips anyone could give me to forget about it, it would be greatly appreciated. sorry it’s so long, i just felt like i had to write everything down. but also thank you if you’ve read this far!! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 282,"Title: Born to die? Text: Has anyone else had the thought if suicide for as long as they can remember? Like it comes and goes, but ya get the feeling that it is your ""destiny"" kind of? As if it's inevitable at some point that it's gonna happen regardless of what you do or dont do? Or is it just me? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 283,"Title: I dont know Text: When I was about 7 years old I had height problem and later found out that my skeleton was underdeveloped(than normal). I went to a doctor once for that problem and he did some checks on me. My mum was not in the room and he checked my breasts which made me feel uncomfortable but I think its normal? Later he checked my genetalia and I freaked out because it didn't happen to me before and I said "" stop "". In which he replied "" I just wanted to see your little p*ssy "" and he proceeded looking at it. When my mum came back he stopped doing it. I felt very uncomfortable the entire time and never told my mum about it. About the same problem I went to the local hospital and I was so afraid they were going to check my genitalia again but they never did. They just went through some regural check ups and later they did a scan on my hand and they found out my skeleton was underdeveloped. After some years I told a family member about this and how uncomfortable I felt they said it was sexual harassment. I am not sure if it is because now that I am searching it on google it says that some times the doctor needs to check the patient's genetalia. But I am pretty sure this was wrong because I told him to stop plus my mother was not there and just what he replied feels so wrong.. is this how a doctor replies when he is asked why is he checking the genetalia?? I feel like this is weird I am not sure I feel bad. I wonder if my mum was there would he still do this? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","sexualharassment_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 284,"Title: Using Drugs to Make Me Stay Text: I need help and I don’t know what to do. 37f with my partner 32m for about 10 months. I feel trapped in an abusive relationship. The abuse started out as emotional only and became physical around Memorial Day. Since then He has been getting progressively more violent and brutal, both physically and mentally. He always claims afterwards that the abuse never happened or that I started it by breaking the rules. He says I’m an abuser too because I lash out and call him names. He regularly prevents me from doing my job, I work from home, and I finally told them that was why I’ve been so awful at my job all these months. They want to help but they are asking too many questions. I’m so ashamed that this is happening and afraid that the drug use will over shadow anything else. He introduced me to meth in the spring and I’m now definitely addicted. I can’t call the police to get out of this because then I’ll get arrested too. They were called by neighbors recently and I lied to them. Because I was afraid they’d find the drugs and arrest me too. He regularly says he will frame me for dealing and take me down with him. He’s going to ruin my life on his way out. I need to go to rehab or something but that’s not really an option for me. I’ve tried to secretly stop using without him realizing and I can’t do it. Last night things escalated worse than ever. I truly feared for my life. I ran from my home. I went back briefly today and things immediately escalated and he got violent and tried to hold me at gun point. I managed to run to the neighbors house until he left. I’m hiding in a barnes and noble right now cause I can’t go home. I have two questions really. Does anyone know if he can use the drugs against me if I try to get him out? I’m not dealing but I have some in my house and would definitely fail a test. Can I do anything to protect myself against that? I want to get clean and stop. I feel like I can’t do that until he leaves. My other question is does anyone ever stop? Like can he change? He keeps saying that he’s never been like this before and it’s all my fault. And if I just change and behave and do better the violent and insults will stop immediately. Is it my fault? Can that ever be true? Do abusers ever stop and change? Is thinking that it can get better just a total delusion? I need to find somewhere to go. I can’t call anyone. He’s made me scared of a shelter. Any advice or even just kind words are appreciated at this point.Thanks. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 285,"Title: The thoughts are getting a little too real Text: I’ve never really liked living but never actually thought about doing anything. Now I think about it everyday and it’s scaring me. I’m afraid to ask for help and don’t have any friends to talk to or turn too. I’m tired of being hurt by the one person I loved. Every glimpse of happiness I have is temporary. I just want it all to end. If there was a button I could push to go painlessly and make it look like an accident I’d do it. I dream everyday if getting a disease or in a car crash so I can just go without having to do it myself. I just want it to be over but I don’t want to hurt my family. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 286,"Title: Feel like I have imposter syndrome Text: I feel like I’m a fraud because he didn’t physically force me to do anything. I made a list of some things my ex bf did but I still don’t feel like I had it bad enough to report him. - Said he’d have to buy more alcohol and drink more if I didn’t have sex with him when he’d already drank a large amount so I gave in - Started having sex with me after I said no multiple times said “I don’t want to rape you” so I gave in - Took off my pants and started having sex with me whilst his kid brother was in the room on the bottom bunk, I didn’t move I was scared he asked if I was ok I nodded because I didn’t want to make a scene and wake up his brother, he went to sleep after he finished, I cried when he was sleeping felt disgusted - Sex started hurting so I said no multiple times he didn’t stop and kept saying yes, I asked him about it next morning but he said he didn’t remember that happening -woke up after being blackout drunk for hours at a party with no underwear on, I had passed out in the bathroom so that could explain that, he was very angry at me for having to look after me wouldn’t get in ambulance with me so cancelled it, asked if he had sex with me but said I wasn’t interested idk if that means he did anything because sometimes he just starts having sex with me until I say no or give in He was generally a bad boyfriend as well he said he’d kill himself if I didn’t have an abortion because my period was late and strangled me a month into our relationship, I wanted to report that instead because it’s less ambiguous but since it’s been more than 6 months he can’t be changed for it. He also threatened to sue me for defamation so I’m scared I’ll be seen as a liar he’s already tried to claim it was mutual abuse . For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","domesticviolence_past, rape_past" Question 287,"Title: Beyond Frustrated Text: I work at a small college in the US, and I recently found out that one of the adjuncts (part time faculty) hired by my department has a history of discrimination and harassment of women and disabled employees in his previous leadership positions (which were outside of academia). Two different towns paid a total of $165,000 in settlements for these incidents. The faculty member in question teaches Criminal Justice as part of the Sociology Department (I am a sociologist). The irony is killing me. When I asked the Chair of my department how he could have hired this person, he said ""Well, there was never any guilty verdict and since he passed the background check I thought it was okay."" OMG that is the whole point! Individuals are never found guilty of sexual harassment or workplace discrimination, the employer is held responsible. And this guy is a criminal justice expert? The background check by HR never alerted anyone? How the hell does this happen? I have a meeting tomorrow to talk to my VP about it, and I have no idea what is going to happen. But if past experience is any guide, I will be belittled and ignored. I just really needed to express some frustration before I go into this meeting, so thanks for listening. **Update:** My conversation with the VP went okay. I am happy it wasn't awful. I do think he heard what I was saying about the fact that workplace harassment and discrimination don't end up in criminal courts with guilty and not-guilty verdicts, and that if an employer pays settlement money that is a good indication that the discrimination happened. Ironically, he wants to make sure we don't run afoul of discrimination law by not hiring the part time faculty member again. So now I wait to see what happens next. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 288,"Title: Is he in the wrong Text: A friend of mine used to work a Dunkin’ Donuts and at the time he made a good friend who was a female and he would always joke around around with her and even made sexual jokes which she was okay with but then one day he made a joke saying she needs a real man and he barely unbuckled his belt he thinks he doesn’t remember but she was laughing and it was all jokes and then after 4 days and on a day off he gets terminated by phone call saying does he know what he’s done?? Which he said yes but he really didn’t know what he done since he was more shocked at how and why he got terminated and then he latter found out that from a other friend the reason he got terminated, his female friend he made those jokes to, told her mom which he doesn’t know why but the mom wanted to report him and the female decided to do it instead which she said to her female friend it wasn’t a big deal what he said until she told her mom but did he deserve to get terminated?? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 289,"Title: You know your life is a piece of shit when even in lockdown not a thing has changed in your life. Text: Its nice to know that even when this is all over, ill still have no one to hang out with, no one to have over and play games with, no one who gives a fuck about anything i like, and still be sitting at home with nothing to do in my meaningless existence but have “fun” with myself. Everyones bitching like its the end of the world to not be with their 30 or so friends 24/7, please shut your ass cause we all know your life is gonna go back to perfect when this is said and done. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 290,"Title: I know Im a stranger but if anyone out there is feeling alone, depressed, scared, etc. And just needs a human to connect with, youre welcome to message me. We’re all in this together. Text: I don't know how to sew, I am unable to donate blood, I've lost my job so I have no money to give... But maybe I can help someone in some small way. Even if it's just by letting someone else know they're not alone. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 291,"Title: Abuser out on bail.. how can I help family member? Text: His bail hearing today let him out and we are disgusted. I’m just wondering how I can best support my family member who is the victim during this time. Thank you all For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 292,"Title: Sexual harassment at the work place Text: Hello, I feel as if I am being sexually harassed at my place of employment. I say that bc I have never had this experience b4 and I do not know how to go about it. However, I am afraid if I do go to my supervisor or HR about it that no one will believe me because I am a chubby woman and that they would think I should be glad that I’m getting attention. The things I encounter with this male coworker(whom is married) are privately messaging me on social media saying “Hi”, “Where are you scheduled at today?”, *sending a picture of a hat* written under it “I want one pls” and commenting on my photos and status on social media; very touchy always wanting to touch my hands; sitting very closely to where his legs are wide open and I’m in between them ; one incident I bent over to put something down on the ground and no one was by us he said “wow mhmmmmm and just wow”; showing and comparing females coworkers of how prefect or not perfect they are and whom he would date; staring at me for long amounts of time with a smirk under his mask ; touching my back and chest asking me to have better posture. I feel very uneasy and uncomfortable around this male coworker. I am a very shy and nice woman and I do not want to start anything by telling HR this and it coming back to the the department that he and I both work in. I’m afraid that 1) no one will believe me because everyone does like this coworker 2) that I’m just starting up false drama 3) no one in the department will “like” me anymore and view me differently bc of what I did 4) I will be treated poorly bc of the situation if I tell HR. As I mentioned b4 I do not know how to go about this. I have cried almost everyday about this. Sometimes I feel as if I’m over exaggerating or thinking to hard about the situation and the other feeling is that I need to tell HR how I feel around this coworker and these things are happening. Pls give me some advice on what to do in this situation. I really do appreciate it very much. Thank you. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 293,"Title: Is this wrong?? Text: I feel more comfortable around ppl who have also struggled with self harm aswell and I feel like an asshole. I was hanging out with a friend in class and I noticed they have some scars on their arm from sh and I immediately got more comfortable with them. I just feel bad cuz I wasn’t as close or comfortable with them until I knew about that. It’s just nice to know that I’m not alone with that but I just feel bad. Is that wrong?? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 294,"Title: paper cuts and self harm?? Text: this might get taken down cus it’s really random but why does it feel so much worse when i simply get a paper cut to when i’m purposely harming myself. It’s so weird idk if anyone will get what i mean but i cringe at the thought of getting any type of paper cut but have no issues with doing it to myself 😭😭 idk was just thinking For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 295,"Title: Someone associated with a YouTube channel centered around sex positivity raped me. Text: He was a featured guest in three of their videos, as far as I'm aware. I just discovered this channel at the beginning of this month. I didn't watch any of the videos he was in, nor have I watched any of these people's other videos. I was immensely triggered seeing his face in the thumbnails and had no reason to fully engage with their content after the fact. I was specifically searching for YouTube channels that day to help me along in the healing process after a lifetime of sexual abuse after having multiple anxiety and C-PTSD attacks that very same day, and I stumbled upon this channel... And to make matters worse, these videos with him had just been posted days prior, excluding the third one. So, there were only two up by that point. But more on that later. Anyway, I left a long comment on the video that had more views about what he had done to me & why he isn't someone who they should have on their platform and tried to give them a way to reach out to me so we could discuss this subject more and in a private setting. I was initially planning on checking back in a few days later to see if there were any updates concerning me just because I was busy and also of course wanted to give myself time to process everything. But...lo and behold, the next day around the same time, my anxiety and anger were heightened yet again, this time a lot of my feelings and emotions having to do with him and many other of my rapists I've encountered/dealt with similar to him, and I couldn't resist waiting to see if they had responded to me or not... So, I checked. They deleted my fucking comment, and I shit you not, had a third video with him which appeared to be a livestream posted, an hour before I logged into YouTube to see if I had gotten a response. I mean, I couldn't find a way to engage with them otherwise, so I left another lengthy comment on that video this time with a huge shift in tone because they were now knowingly complicit, and they promptly deleted it... Way more quickly than the first time around, I presume, although I didn't stay logged in for long the first time, and I did the second time. But truly deplorable behavior. And I included in my second comment that I knew that they didn't have a review system set in place when it comes to comments because I saw a few comments across a few videos - none of which I watched, once again - that seemed to be mocking topics that they were talking about in their videos based on the titles of the videos and their descriptions, as well as invalidating one of the trans people on the channel's pronouns. I don't see a world where they'd let that fly if they had a review system set up. It's been a few weeks since this all went down, and my mental health has been boiling over for a lot of other unrelated reasons plus this one, obviously. I just really want people to watch these videos for me. I want people to comment on behalf. I'm so goddamn sick and tired of an abundance of these so-called ""safe spaces"" not actually be safe or healthy environments for people to interact and be vulnerable in with one another. People are fucking unconscionably manipulative and horrible. And yes, I realize that there's evidently a way to approach these situations with grace and tact without immediately pouncing on those being accused without proper evidence, but ignoring the situation altogether tells me all that I need to know about those people, especially when their channel focuses on fucking sex positivity, the basis for it seems like...all of their fucking videos! They've probably banned me from their channel at this point. I haven't bothered to try and see if that's the case, although I obviously did skim and scroll through their recently posted videos to see if I could find more thumbnails with him in it, and there were thankfully no more new ones. Anyway, I don't know why they didn't ban me from their channel after my first comment if they really didn't want me to bring their channel any negative attention for a second time, but whatever. That's all for now. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 296,"Title: Do you agree that a fine was sufficient in these circumstances? Text: Articling students and young lawyers often experience sexual harassment from more senior lawyers and on occasion, even judges. It is very difficult for them to make a formal complaint as the harasser often has a lot more influence and can easily ruin their career and reputations if they choose to. This article is about a supervising lawyer who sexually assaulted his much younger pupil three times during a work-related party: He put his arm around her neck, smacked her bottom and pulled her onto his lap all the while making sexually charged comments to her. The regulating body for lawyers sanctioned him with a fine but found that ""taking account of the mitigation and the circumstances in which the incidents took place, the panel does not assess the conduct as being sufficiently serious to justify a suspension”. Do you agree? [https://www.legalfutures.co.uk/latest-news/barrister-who-smacked-pupil-on-bottom-thought-she-was-consenting](https://www.legalfutures.co.uk/latest-news/barrister-who-smacked-pupil-on-bottom-thought-she-was-consenting) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 297,"Title: The point at which you realize Text: That you are fucked. That the man you thought you married is a shell of that expectation. He’s interfered in every significant relationship I have to manipulate someone into thinking he’s a good guy. I’ve asked him for a divorce 4 times and he says no. I am a once successful professional working mother who has lost opportunities because I’m so exhausted from the gaslighting and the love bombing and yes, this should be cross referenced to that thread because I’ve posted there many a time. All I’ve ever cared about is my girls 11 and 6, I want them to be happy and healthy and that includes MENTALLY AND EMOTIONALLY. I’ve tried renting someplace to make the’move’ for us (girls) 3 times but everything has fallen through. I make good money, I want to set a good example for my girls that they can have a career and a family. The problem is their dad sucks. He’s a narcissist and his family enables him, especially his sister with whom it could be said there some covert incest happening. Nobody compares to his anorexic sister who moved to the other coast to get away from her fucked up family. I’m so tired of defending myself from sociopaths. Why can’t I just fucking leave?!? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 298,"Title: feeling physically numb? Text: Is it possible to be in such deep depression that your whole body feels physically numb, like I can't feel my body anywhere at all, I feel absolutely nothing to the touch - or could it be a nerve issue? I've had lots of trauma in the last year and last night I felt the pain so severe it was too much to even handle, I woke up this morning feeling numb all over, it's even hard to taste food. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 299,"Title: Had a panic attack and sh Text: My cat has fleas. Not the first time I’m sh and I’ve sh many times before my cat had fleas, but this specific night sent me into a panic. I’ve bathed my cat a billion times I’ve cleaned the apartment I can’t seem them to get away. I have a new job in these next few weeks. I have so much change I had an incredibly large panic attack tonight about everything and I just cut the shit out of my legs. The worst part, I feel better. It fucking calmed me down. I feel crazy. I know this isn’t healthy. I’ve always been a lurker I’ve never felt vulnerable enough to post. I’m vulnerable as shit now. Idk how to fix this. I hate that it helps. Idk what to do. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 300,"Title: Wish I died today. Text: I wish I died today maybe in my sleep or something peaceful, I just found out my mom might have cancer again but I was hanging out with my niece and nephew and we had a great time watching movies and eating junk food. Then later in the night my mom hit with her diagnosis, why can’t I just check out and leave? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 301,"Title: The police don't seem to think I have a case Text: I'm kinda regretting reporting it now. I only really reported it because I didn't the first time it happened and now I regret it. I had a follow up interview with my detective yesterday and during the interview he seemed to take his side and made me feel like I didn't make it clear enough that I was not consenting. I told my attacker in no uncertain terms that I did NOT want sex that night before I went over via text, but of course I lost those texts when I blocked him. I also told him ""not tonight"" when he tried putting down my shorts but I have no way of proving that. After the second or third no I just stopped resisting. He never threatened me but I was still scared he might hurt me so I didn't fight back at all and just went with it. For that reason he probably thought I wanted it. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 302,"Title: Fear but don't know why Text: I seem to have a fear of being abandoned but I don't know why as I wasn't abandoned as a child For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 303,"Title: Hey all. My ex was arrested this morning. Text: He started accusing me of cheating and/ or wanting to cheat last night and he abandoned me at a bar. I have not cheated or tried to do so. I ubered home at 7. I went to bed at 10. Still can’t reach him after several calls and texts. He comes home drunk around 11 and I am in bed. He attacks me for well over an hour. Drags me by the hair- chokes me and slams my head on the ground repeatedly. I feel numb but my adrenaline still hasn’t subsided a day later. He passed out around 1 or 2 in another room. Around 5am he wakes up and tries to crawl into bed with me (like nothing happened. Like I didn’t almost die) I say Can you plz sleep on the couch- I’m not comfortable. He says he’s going to work and he’s not sleeping anywhere. I say so go. Then he starts swinging. I grab my phone and run to the walk in closet to dial 911. Police show up and he half assedly tried to run. They tell me he “rolled over a fence so he’s probably still drunk” They ask if I want to press charges. I say yes. Now my life is changing super fast But I have to move forward. It’s the only way. His sister says his family is devastated and they want me to drop charges and he’s never been like this before so our relationship must just be volatile. No apology at all or any empathy- just blame on me. So fuck all of them. This was one of the worst episodes but not the first. I am still figuring my shit out as of this weekend. Not sure when he’s being released. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 304,"Title: Missing him today Text: I seperated from my husband a few weeks ago and we've just started talking again. The first Zoom chat was frustrating - he made loads of excuses for his behaviour and was quite dismissive. I came away feeling sad and angry, but that was good, because being angry made me feel strong. Tonight we just caught up, and didn't talk about the abuse. It's daft, because I've been thinking I don't want to go back. I've been thinking I want to leave him. But then some stuff he said tonight made me worried he was going to leave me. Which is so weird! Why would I worry he's going to agree with me?! I feel so messed up right now. I love him and I hate him, I miss him and I want to avoid him. Any words of wisdom or encouragement would be appreciated right now :) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 305,"Title: NYE promise to myself Text: On this day 6 years ago, I was broken. I was up late watching infomercials and promising myself I’d never have another New Years Eve like the one I’d just had. I was exhausted from screaming, crying, and tending to my wounds caused by my drunk boyfriend. Earlier that night, he had grabbed me by wrists and pinned me against a wall, then slammed my head against a door frame. He then locked me out of our bedroom and went to sleep. I made a bed for myself on the couch, grabbed a bag of frozen vegetables from our freezer, and prepared for a sleepless night. My wrists and forearms felt raw, my chest and back hurt from being pinned, my head was throbbing, and my spirit was broken. I made all kinds of promises to myself that night. I’d never fight with him again, I’d never let him hit me again, I’d get rid of all the alcohol in the house, but I knew those were nice little lies I was telling myself so I’d feel better. I realized I couldn’t control him or his actions, that what he did to me was not my fault. I couldn’t fix or change him, and I definitely couldn’t live like that anymore. I took a deep breath and I said “I’ll never have another New Years Eve like this again”. I stayed true to my word, I left him that year. Today my life is very different. I spent my NYE with a man who truly loves and cares for me, this will be our second year together. He has been so patient and supportive as I pulled myself out of that dark place that held me hostage for so long. I’m so grateful for him and what he does for me, how he’s pieced me back together and made me whole. I’m also proud of myself for how far I’ve come, and I want this for everyone who lives in that dark place. I hope this is the year you decide you have had enough, I hope you know you deserve more and what’s happening to you isn’t your fault. I hope you know you aren’t alone and you ARE worthy of real love. If you need someone to listen, I’m here. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 306,"Title: Does anyone else hate the weekends because you have no one to do anything with? Text: Yeah, so do I. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 307,"Title: Venting my frustrations with therapy Text: My therapist is an elderly woman in her late sixties. She's the best therapist in my region (AFAIK, I've tried them all at this point) and going to therapy has turned into a real chore. She's trying to gaslight me into Christianity (she'll leave Bible passages open on her computer and close them after making sure that I've seen them), she has a very outdated understanding of gender roles and body image (apparently me having a BMI of 23 is considered to little ""for a man"") and she'll gossip about me (and her other patients!) with the rest of the team, including the people who work at the counter. I actually have issues with my body image and my sexuality, but I'm not comfortable discussing this with a Christian conservative. I feel like there's not much I can do. I want to switch therapists, but I can't prove any of this to my family and they're against me switching therapists, because I've been with her for so long. I feel like I'm stuck with her. All in all, I only see her every four weeks, so it's not like this is causing me to lose sleep or something. Just needed to get this off my chest. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 308,"Title: i want to die, but i still want to be alive Text: i dont wanna die, i just want to know what is next For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 309,"Title: I Hate Myself Text: I recently turned 20. For most people that would be a thing worth celebrating. Not me, though. When I look back over my life, I come to one conclusion: I am utter piece of shit. I can go into to detail, but this post would be an hour long read if did that. To sum things up: * I have a lot of missed opportunities * I make an unforgivable amount of mistakes * I treated my father like shit * I failed my mother during her last days * I treat my grandmother like shit * I treat my grandfather like shit and drove him out of town once * I have no friends due to my own incompetence * I can never seem to get anything going I could keep going as there is a lot more that I can think of. When I think about and recognize all of these negatives to my name, I question myself on whether or not if I'm a remotely decent person. Sometimes, I question why I am even bothering to live at all. I am now at a point where I should have SOMETHING going for me, and the fact that it is not the case makes me angry at myself. What pisses me off even more is the fact that it's all my fault, as I should be far smarter and WAY less flawed than I am. My life is utterly pathetic and worthless, and I absolutely hate myself with a harsh passion for it. I have lost a great deal of patience for myself and sure as hell have little to no love for myself anymore. The only reason I haven't considered suicide is purely because of people who care about me (i.e. my family) for one reason or another. All in all, I am an absolute worthless piece of shit loser with no semblance of a life whatsoever. Sometimes, I just feel like dying. If not physically, then socially and mentally. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 310,"Title: DAE Text: Does anyone else feel bad when they dont want to sh? I havent done anything in 3 days bc ive been trying to take care of some burns. And i feel bad bc I haven’t done sh. Like, i havent even really thought about it much, which is weird, too. Idk if anyone else feels like this or not, i was just wondering. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 311,"Title: Does anyone here know what it feels like Text: Does anyone here knows what it feels like to not have friends? To be free on weekends or even after work and you realize you have no one to hang out with? To feel like this is how your life is supposed to be for the rest of your life? Being in your 20s and feeling like things will never change? Idk why I’m on here, I just don’t know what to do other than keep my feelings bottled up cause no one cares or wants to hear about your problems knowing that it hurts. I really just wish I had friends For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 312,"Title: How do I tell my boyfriend I Self-Harm? Text: I think he knows, maybe, he knows I used to do it but I don’t know if he knows I do it now, I don’t do it too often but yk, should I tell him when I relapse if I do? I don’t want to come off as attention-seeky or whatever, I don’t even do it that much now so I don’t know why I feel like I should tell him. I do it on very very rare occasions. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 313,"Title: So there's this girl... Text: there's this girl in my theater group who I really want to tell about my self-harm. She seems like she would handle it well and I just really need a friend who knows, should I tell her? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 314,"Title: I used to want him to be sorry Text: It’s just not likely to happen though. He wasn’t sorry after yelling at me, making me cry so many times, physically hurting me, breaking my stuff, trashing my car, so why would he be now??? He’s probably just mad at some other girl . Or feeling bad about himself for some other dumb reason. It also doesn’t matter. The ONLY thing that matters is that I’m whole again. That I’m safe. That I’m surrounded by people who love me. That I love and take care of myself. ❤️ For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 315,"Title: I forgot my blades when I went out for an afternoon, I had a panic attack when I could find them Text: I couldn’t even last an afternoon, I feel like shit. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 316,"Title: what do you do if you can't make money or have relationships? Text: So, I've been struggling/sick for 8 months now and not able to work. I finally got a diagnosis that affirms that I will basically not be able to work for the rest of my life.i dont have a partner or family to support me and I'm out of savings. I dont have any friends who can help either, and even if they could it could only be for a month or two. my state doesn't have Medicaid for people who don't work, and it will take at least 6 months to get disability if that even is a possibility for me, I know that people struggle for years to get disability. I've applied for EBT, welfare, everything, and been denied. It's SOOOO MUCH work and I can't keep up with appealing every decision. On top of physical health issues I've had mental health issues of every kind, bi polar/depression/anxiety/ADHD/autism since I was 12 ish. So what do you do? Every anti suicide post says ""it'll get better"" - in my case it really won't, I have a degenerative disease, it will literally get worse. People say ""other will be sad"" - sure that sucks but also those 'others' can't help me or give me a place to live or food to eat. People say follow your passion, get outside, go for a walk - I can't do any of those things, literally, so what do I do? I have all the tools to end it. Why stick around? I'm only literally going to be homeless, I dont see the point? I see so many posts with people talking about how their partners or family will be sad, and I dont even have that. I'm so jealous of the people I know with close friend groups to support them. I might stick around for that. What do you say to someone who has nothing, no one, no prospects or no hope of anything getting better in the future? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 317,"Title: Zoloft headaches? Text: I started zoloft 2 days ago and have gotten headaches both days. I also got a flu vaccine and another non covid vaccine, but can't recall the name. Not sure if the headaches are the zoloft or the vaccines. Feels like a hangover type headache. What do zoloft headaches feel like? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 318,"Title: Most effective drug for a swift and painless death ? Text: I’ve read that pentobarbital (Nembutal) is the most used one but I don’t think I can get that in my country. I wanted to ask if there’s anyone who knows effective drugs like this. I don’t actually think I will do it and kill myself but knowing that I have that option helps me relax in these tough times. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 319,"Title: Don’t Fall For It Text: They only come back when they’re lost. When they can’t find something to fulfill them. When they need something. When they know you’re moving on and happy with yourself again. Or when they find out you’re starting to see someone else and their ego can’t handle it. They only come back for selfish reasons and to disrupt your progress. Don’t fall for it. *Do not fall for it.* You’re getting help. You’re healing. You’re surrounding yourself with support. You’re forgiving yourself. You’re learning to love yourself again. You are rebuilding your self esteem. You are taking power back and rebuilding your self respect. They will likely come back around. Somehow. Someway. Someday. This day is not the day to give into your hearts desires. This day is the day you respect yourself and show the strength you are capable of. *Don’t* entertain it. This person will only tear you apart again in some way. They were gone for a reason. *Do not forget who you are and how far you have come. Keep the door SHUT.* For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 320,"Title: 1 week free from selfharm! Text: I thought I'd share it here. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 321,"Title: My mother walked in Text: So, I just had a relapse. It wasn’t much I just wanted to destress. As I was cleaning up and my mom walked in. I quickly put my arm under the blanket and my mom ask what I was doing and I said “nothing”. She kept questioning but I kept denying. She didn’t investigate any further and she just dropped it and left. I think she knows though. I thinks she’s ganna bring it up later and make me show her my arms. And I can’t do that. I can’t show her. I’m terrified of showing anyone much less my mom. It’s so much worse than when she last saw and idk how she will react. My heart was beating so fast and I’m still shaking as I’m writing this. Wish me luck. The best thing that could happen is that she doesn’t bring it up and the worst is she will admit me to a hospital. She’s not mean or anything, she’s my best friend and I love her so much and Ik she loves me and I’m lucky to have a mom like her. She’s just worried about me and I understand that. I just hope she doesn’t bring it up. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 322,"Title: Sexual Harassment Text: Today i was shopping at a high fashion store and i was sexually harassed by the employee. What should i do? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 323,"Title: My friend never invited me or met me in their country Text: I kind of think I have lots of friends in other countries and when I got there, they will welcome me so warmly. But just now, I was talking with a friend from there and she said she is not free for whole week. I don't know why. If it was me, I will try to manage my time to meet with my friends whoever it is. But they are not like me. I felt like why did I even ask to them as I already know this is gonna be the answer. I should have just shut up my mouth without saying anything. I felt so bad and so lonely. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 324,"Title: I don't -want- to leave, and that's what makes this so hard Text: This is really just a rant as I try to process my feelings. I'm not looking for advice at this time. I have appointments with a new psych, new therapist (last one ghosted me), and I'll have solo time to think about things. I told myself in December that I wouldn't put up with screaming anymore, the name calling, slut-shaming. I still don't forgive you for this incident, and I don't think I ever will. I mean, you ruined my graduation party for my bachelor's degree. Wtf. In March, you ignored me because I didn't do what you wanted sexually. Then you didn't like how I didn't replace the trash bag in the can, so you put the trash into the empty can to spite me. It was going to be left for me to clean, but I stood up for myself. I went to a friend's the next day after you doubled-down on the poison. We officially broke up that day, and that's when a switch flipped in you. You were remorseful and kind. You admitted your wrongdoings without any mention of your own pet peeves. You actually saw a therapist, and didn't ask for me back. The girl I spoke to from the hotline told me it was okay to want to go hold you and that I don't have to leave just yet if I wasn't ready. I had just set boundaries of my own about a month prior. We didn't even get a chance to further work on things. When we kept fighting over little things, it continued to eat at me. My self worth is gone. I don't want to cheat on you. I feel like I shouldn't cross that line, but every time you treat me badly, I think about it. I crave so badly to be seen as a person, an equal, and as someone whose pleasure is just as important (lol). It won't happen though, it's just part of my little dreams of how my life could be. In July, you poked me hard enough that I bruised. I thought we'd both realize the gravity of the situation, but instead I was insulted when I brought it up, you were in disbelief. You asked me to rate it on a scale of 1-10, even. Asked if it would be the same as if you punched me. Things blew up on my birthday, I slept in my office for a week. You broke my shower chair. I realized a couple days later that you punched a hole in the wall also. We hashed things out and I slept in our room. But it all feels mechanical. I don't mind spending time with you, but the invading discontent makes me want to just call it quits. I really don't want to leave you, but I feel like you aren't giving me any real choices here. You're such a sweet boy, but I really need space. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 325,"Title: Therapist wants to work through it Text: My therapist wants to work through what happened when I was younger I just don’t know if I will ever be ready. I hate it because I can’t remember much but I feel like that’s for the better you know? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 326,"Title: How do I support my SO after they told me they were raped? Text: I’m not going into detail because I don’t want to tell their business. how do I support them? From the sounds of it no one supported her and some of her friends even laughed. It makes me sick just thinking about it. There’s a lot of trauma that wasn’t addressed. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 327,"Title: Why did this happen? Text: I don't want to get into much detail In this post but you can look on my account to see the full situation so I'll just get straight to it, while I was being pinned down and raped my mind went.. Weird? I don't how to explain it, my mind went all confused and all I could think about was the colour blue. I wasn't thinking about the rape I just couldn't stop thinking about blue. I was just wondering if anyone has experienced the same thing or have an explanation for it? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 328,"Title: Is this sexual harassment? Text: I was wondering if this is considered sexual harassment? And if so could I do something about it under Title IX? There’s a boy(21m) at my(18f) school who sits next to me in a class. He seemed cool but messaged me the other day asking about a date. I politely told him no and said I had plans with my boyfriend. He proceeded to make comments about how me and him could have a “way better time together”. I kindly told him no and told him my boyfriend was basically my best friend. He then said that he would be “happy to help me with any of my needs” and used a winky face emoji after that last one. I remained polite and still told him no and he made similar comments. I haven’t responded any more but I’m worried about how he will act on Monday when I see him again. He’s totally to type to keep making comments verbally irl. Is this sexual harassment? He obviously wanted more from me than a date And didn’t stop at the first no. If so, when does it become worthy of me doing something about it? Especially under title IX (Also this was all on Snapchat but I took photographs of it just in case.) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 329,"Title: So beyond angry at my self Text: I've been self harm free for almost 6 months, my scars had started to face into paler blue and purple and not being so embarrassing. Today I had a relapse, and I honestly feel like a junkie, the feeling you get when the blood starts flowing everywhere is just...I don't have the words, the adrenaline and endorphin just feel like the most intense thing. And then the guilt. And shame, And fucking anger. WHY did I do this! WHY! I have DID so I've learned through therapy I'm dissociating when it happens but I am still so fuming with rage towards my self. Fuck this shit. I'm so, so tired of it. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 330,"Title: Broke my 3 month mark Text: I don’t Even know what happened last night. I had no control over my body and I just. Did it. The wound isn’t bad but I’m just now starting to process my relapse. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 331,"Title: I have no friends left, can’t make any new ones in college and I feel so worthless. Text: Woah I didn’t think this post would be this long. Here’s a tldr if anyone cares to read; I fell apart with my old friends and couldn’t make any new ones in college. I know some people to hang out with between classes but they don’t really care about me and I feel like an outsider when I’m with them. I don’t even remember how I made friends and relationships before. And I keep dissociating and feel like invisible hands are holding me back when I try to talk someone. I’m 23. It’s my second year in college, I started late due to some family and financial problems. I didn’t have many friends to begin with but since all of them went to collage and made new friends we fell apart. It’s followed by pandemic and I became even more introverted than I ever was. It was always hard for me to make friends and keep relationships but fucks sake I don’t even remember how to do it anymore. I feel like invisible hands are holding my hands and mouth when I try to talk to a stranger. I keep dissociating in slightest inconvenience. I met couple of people in college last year, we were getting along until they stopped hanging out with me outside the school. I don’t know why, it’s something happens to me a lot. I guess I’m just boring. When I talked with one of them she said I was cold towards them. How can I not be when I’m left outside of every activity and there is even a WhatsApp group that doesn’t include me?? They aren’t even hiding it or anything lol. I saw their stories on Instagram where they celebrated one of the girls birthday. Then I was asked why I didn’t text her in her birthday. I didn’t even know you wanted me to celebrate your birthday lmao. Not to mention they completely ignored my birthday. They want me to sit with them and care about them in school but ignore my existence once we leave the campus. Only reason I’m hanging out with them is that I have nothing to do between classes. I don’t believe being alone is better than being around people who don’t care about me because being alone allows me to overthink and pity myself. I feel so pathetic even my grades and attendance started to get worse. I’m below average and socially unskilled, obviously. And now I’m failing academically too. I was confident it was going to be a better year for me, that I was going to a different person and was going to make things right. That it didn’t worked out for me it seems. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 332,"Title: God, I wish I was never born. Text: There's nothing that sounds more appealing to me than never having to deal with problems again. I don't care about the little things, I don't care about sunrises and good food and love and travel or anything. I want to stop being conscious, point blank. I'd rather not think or feel anything than aspire to anything. I've wanted to die since I was seven years old, and yeah I've experienced good things in life, but that doesn't change the fact that I'd rather not experience anything, good or bad. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 333,"Title: DV strangulation survivor 🥀 Text: Has anyone else had long term side effects? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 334,"Title: Is it sexual harassment? Text: So I work at a very small company and am in a leading position. I and my colleagues get along really well. We are not just colleagues but also friends and hang out from time to time. Since we are so closed and have a perverted sense of humor 😅 we tend to make some sexual jokes and openly talk about sexual stuff at work. We got an intern 1 1/2 month ago, who is a friend of one of my colleagues. He immediately started to also make sexual jokes, especially towards one of my friends/colleagues. It felt uncomfortable because the joke towards her sounded like slut-shaming and he doesn’t know her. All of us have worked together for over a year, build up trust in each other, and know what goes too far and what doesn’t. For him, a total stranger, to jump right in is just very uncomfortable and somewhat annoying. While smoking outside he has also tied my shoelaces for me. I didn’t ask for it and he just bent down and tied them together. It made me feel very uncomfortable and I didn’t know how to react. Another time a few of us were smoking outside and because I was freezing he wrapped his arm around my waist and tried to warm me up. I have started just outwardly saying “no” when he tries to hug me or tie my shoelaces (yes my shoelaces untie quite often 😅). I feel bad for rejecting him and I don’t want him to feel hurt, but at the same time, I don’t want him to touch me in any kind of way. He has also slapped one of my male friends ass several times. I don’t know if my friend minded thou. I don’t know if it’s ok that he feels so comfortable doing these things when he's only known us for such a short time. Am I just sensible or is this sexual harassment? Should I tell my boss? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 335,"Title: How do I fix my life? Text: I’m 22(female) and I’m currently lacking in all areas of my life (not a good worker, not a great student, a bad friend and a disappointment of a daughter) I’ve tried countless outlets such as painting, working out, instruments, walks etc… I can’t find the strength or courage to do what needs to be done. Everything feels like a chore. It’s an endless cycle of feelings sorry for myself and doing nothing about it. If you’ve experienced this what did you do to get out of it? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 336,"Title: I’m so sick of trying to tell people I’m suicidal and having positivity shoved in my face Text: People I know do it, people online do it, my GP does it, my psychologist too. Just stop it. It just makes me feel worse because I can’t see that kind of positivity for myself at all. I can’t help myself. The only reason I am even trying to get help is for other people. There’s so much that goes into actually telling people how bad you feel, then for them to say “You just need to get out more, do things you enjoy! Go for a run. Life always has ups and downs! It’s just a rough patch. You’ve got this!” Okay I’m going to go throw up. My whole life has been a ‘rough patch’ and no, I don’t ‘got this’. Shut up. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 337,"Title: Rant Text: I think sometimes on why does this world make it so hard to just live? Why can’t i afford a safe place for my children and I? Whyyy is just living expensive and whoever came up with this is the devil himself. We shouldn’t have to work this hard to be able to escape. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 338,"Title: I did it again Text: I got into an argument with my Mom, and I was angry/stressed and I banged my head into a wall a few times, Now I regret doing that. Could anyone please help me? I do not want to do it again For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 339,"Title: embarrassing but also ??? Text: This happened over 4 months ago and bro shits embarrassing. I was at urgent care due to this bump I had on my neck, which I ended up having like 3 smaller ones around my neck, but it was clarified as a swollen lymph node. The doctor there was showing another doctor there other places where a lymph node would be I'm pretty sure and he pulled up my sleeves WHICH WAS SOMETHING I WISH NEVER HAPPENED. I never covered my arm so quickly in my life and I'm so glad they didn't say shit because if my parents were to ever see sh marks on me they would question the shit out of me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 340,"Title: Started cutting again Text: I’d been doing soo good, been on antidepressants and feeling at least ok, a year ago literally from today I had to go to the hospital due to my cut, today I cut again due to an argument me and my boyfriend had. He made me feel worthless and worse then I already did… he doesn’t treat me badly honestly I’m not trying to say that just sometimes he can be extremely hurtful .. I’ve been trying SO HARD to work on myself. I just feel like I always fall short in someway. I was a year of not doing it for it all to go down the drain again today.. I just hope I can finally find peace of mind in my mind For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 341,"Title: Don’t fucking have kids if you’re going to make them feel like shit Text: Every time I have a conversation with my mother she makes me want to kill myself For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 342,"Title: why does the arm I cut get tired so much easier? Text: everything has healed and it's all scars, but I noticed that it gets tired so much easier now, for example if I raise my arm, it gets tired within 10 to 30 seconds. is this a sign of too much blood loss? or something else? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 343,"Title: I found my strength Text: I’m leaving, my husband doesn’t know. But I’m working stealthy getting my ducks in a row. I have a job lined up and a place to lay my head. Now I wait, for my papers so I can have him served. I’m still holding my breath because everything is a balancing act on a tight rope but I see the light at the end of this. As soon as I was sure, I was sure this way the right thing to do. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 344,"Title: I need help Text: I need some serious help. I need someone to talk to. I cant take this anymore. The voices in my head, they wont stop. They're just getting louder. They're pushing me over the edge and I just cant take it anymore. For years people have told me ""it gets better"". No it fucking doesnt it just gets worse. Somebody please help me For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 345,"Title: My dad hit me and I feel alone. Text: Everything over the last few weeks has felt like it's crumbling. I came out as gay and lost the few friends that I had. I get proven at every point that my dad doesn't want to help me become an adult (I'm 17M). I try to apply for college and get into an argument about it with my dad. Then he fucking pushes me and kicks me. I don't have a mother, my dad is the only parent I have and I can't rely on him at all. I wish I had a normal family. I wish I was normal. I wish I was gone so bad, I wish I'd never existed. Everything feels like it's caving in around me. I can't handle all of this. I can't do it. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","childabuse_endangerment_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 346,"Title: PM us for access to the private subreddit Text: So, as many of us know, reddit is full of awful people. There are certain awful groups that get off on the stories of rape victims. Anyone who wants help away from the view of those people can pm us [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frape) for access. We had to do this because the [admins refuse to do anything about the harassment.](https://i.imgur.com/GqVIsTC.jpg) If you think this is as ridiculous as we do, please contact them at contact@reddit.com and send a message to /r/reddit.com to give them a piece of your mind. Paging /u/spez, /u/kn0thing and /u/krispykrackers, this is on you. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 347,"Title: Whats the oddest thing you do when you cut? Text: Just a question. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 348,"Title: I finally had sex (on purpose), and it was awesome. Text: Ever since I was assaulted, I've been repulsed by the idea of being touched by men. I wasn't sure I would ever get over that. It was an OkCupid date that hurt me, so I shut down my profile and retreated into a dark space that I don't ever want to go back to. But last week, I reactivated my profile, mostly out of curiosity. I started talking to a guy, and we hit it off right away. I was reticent to meet up in person, but I decided this was my ""get back on the horse"" moment. Men with profiles on dating sites don't rape; rapists do. I sent my best friend a mini-biography on the guy, including his full name, pictures, a screencap of his profile, and where we'd be. But the second we started talking, the brick wall of fear and anxiety melted away. We held hands; we kissed; we walked arm in arm down the street. Later that week, we went back to his place after a few drinks, and I froze. But he talked me down, held my hand, and told me it was all up to me. And I knew. I could have sex with this guy, and enjoy it. In fact, I really, really wanted to. So I did. And then I did it again the next morning. No more flashbacks, no fear, no sudden panic, no inability to orgasm. This is an insanely big victory for me. That fucker took a tiny part of my soul, but he's not taking sex from me, too. I can *finally* separate sex from fear, and that's more than I've been able to say in the months since I was raped. Sorry for the rant, but I just wanted to tell you all that it got better for me, and I hope it can for you :) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 349,"Title: I’m 19 I truly feel like a hopeless romantic and unloveable. Text: I don’t know I’ve tried to be honourable, honest, kind, loving and romantic just to get nothing back but disrespect, hate, blocking and lies. She promised me she wouldn’t leave because we can’t live without each other one bad day and she blocks me and goes without feeling a thing just funny I see people who are in abusive relationships people who don’t treat each other nice and they always seem to stay with them I mean it’s bad but I just don’t get how people get into relationships find love with such ease and people like me who try who not the most sociable or attractive can’t seem to get a look or appreciated in a way. Some say you just haven’t found the one maybe so but that’s awfully long isn’t it some don’t find the one sorry for the rant probably made no sense. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 350,"Title: Workplace Sexual Harassment Discussion Text: I need help… Does anyone else out there feel guilty for staying or currently staying with your company that tolerates harassment in the workplace? Does the ethical dilemma loom over you as you imagine the possibility of finding a new job but job security is low? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 351,"Title: Should I leave my relationship...? Text: We have been together for + 3.5 years. We have are on the DV cycle (emotional, not physical, my psychologist advised me of this) for over 2 years. He gas lights me, calls me names, speaks disrespectfully. I moved interstate 3+ years ago, haven't made friends, if I do he says nasty things about them and doesn't let me spend time with them or if I do causes an argument so I don't bother, I am isolated from family, logged into my social media, wont log out etc....... About a week ago I have told my partner I no longer want to be in the relationship . He is now begging and begging for me to stay and he is going to be a ""new man"", booking in dinners, speaking to me kindly (what I assume most people speak to like) After advising my 2 best friends of my decision, they have voiced they have never liked my partner to begin with. I had a home to move too that has now been delayed 6 weeks..... what do I do....? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 352,"Title: I fantasize about killing myself all day Text: I spent all of yesterday just thinking up ways to kill myself. I work from home, and I spend all day on the computer. I've looked up so many ways of doing it. The best course of action seems to be using a gun. I know I can get one off a family member if I ask. I started on my medication again, after 2 months of not having access to it, and it makes me want to die so bad. This happened the first time I started taking it, last year. The meds made my life miserable until I was at the right dosage. I just wish I didn't have to go through this dark period before reaching the other side. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 353,"Title: done trying Text: i’m sick and tired of wasting my time for people who don’t give a shit about what happens to me. i’ve decided that i’m never gonna try making friends again, because every ”connection“ i did forge, was faked out for *THAT* person’s benefit. my only “friend” doesn’t even bother talking to me anymore, only when he’s bored or has nothing else better to do. i’m not gonna even bother creating a romantic relationship. sounds way too exhausting. honestly, i’ve grown exhausted of crossing oceans for my so-called friends, when they won’t even jump over a puddle for me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 354,"Title: So I have a FRO hearing tomorrow and he decided to do a welfare check, is this a violation of my current restraining order? Text: So on Friday he had the police call to do a welfare check for our children who are currently in my custody. I let the officer who called know that I have a restraining order against him but nothing was done other them telling him to deal with it in court. I feel like this is a violation of the order since he's not supposed to contact me even though a third party and even it's through the police and about the kids. Am I wrong? If not should I bring this up in court? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 355,"Title: Congrats to me on another day free from you 🏆 Text: It was the best present I could give myself. Thank you to my therapist for reminding me that I should be PROUD of myself for kicking you out. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 356,"Title: [24M] Depression and anxiety makes me mean and unfriendly when I want to meet new people Text: Just posting age and gender because I feel like I’m getting to that age where I’m getting more firmly into adulthood but I really don’t feel like one. I still feel the same teenage angst and hormonal things I felt then. Just wondering if anyone can relate. I’m very lonely on the inside but my outward appearance is so offputting. Like I’m so embarrassed and ashamed of myself that I try and avoid eye contact with others, keeping my head down, not talking to people, etc. To others it must come across like I hate people and I’m not interested to talk to anyone (also have earbuds in all the time lol) but really I’m so lonely and dying to meet new people! Whether a new friend or potentially a partner you know, it feels so hard as (young? am i still young) adult no longer in school and working in corporate. It feels hard to meet people your age that can you relate to, not that I’m biased against age but I feel so dumb compared to them. Sorry for wall of text. Any lonely people in early mid 20s can relate lol? Or of any age really, just feeling like your mental health makes it impossible to make new connections 😔 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 357,"Title: im fed up Text: and i can't do this anymore that's all For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 358,"Title: No clue where to start Text: I'll be turning 28 in the near future. I have precisely one friend who is also my roommate. I've never had a girlfriend and at this point I think I'll probably be by myself forever. I'd love to try to get out there but I have no idea how. I work remotely and anywhere I can think to go on the weekends seem to be remarkably underwhelming in terms of any chance to meet others. It all seems so futile, so I'm beginning to lose interest in even trying. What can I do / where can I go to meet other people? I feel so isolated and my anxiety (that I've spent years working on) makes it really difficult to socialize even online with random people I've never met. I've always hoped if I kept working on my anxiety and my career this would improve organically but now I feel more alone than ever. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 359,"Title: Finally Divorced! Text: My divorce was finalized today, and I just want to share here because I'm refraining from posting on my main socials. It's been a long time coming. I was married for 5 years to a man who physically and emotionally abused me and almost killed me on more than one occasion. I filed for divorce in September of 2020, and the wait was so aggravating. I finally made it though, and I'm just so happy to be able to say I am legally divorced from my abuser! To anyone who is where I was 2 years ago, contemplating leaving, I urge you to find your community advocacy group, reach out, make a safety plan, and get out. It gets better!!! Life on the other side of abuse is brighter than I ever dreamed it could be! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 360,"Title: Support leaving this relationship Text: As the title says, I am really struggling at the moment with getting out. I am and have been so close, and am not sure what is stopping me. It probably doesn’t help that every time I pack my things or head to the door he asks what I am doing or stops me (creating further confusion). I am so angry and tired of feeling this way and being treated in such disgusting ways…. I am having a moment of weakness and don’t have a lot of support personally. Any words of advice would be helpful right now😢 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 361,"Title: I have not been raped but this is important Text: Men being raped should be treated the same as women. If say a man raped an underage women he would get signifigant years in jail. If a women raped an underage man she would get 1-2 years and people would say the male liked it. Well, my brother, who is 13, got raped by a 25 year old girl last week and we have proof. She will get probably 1-2 years. That isn't acceptable for her to get that long and be back on the streets. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 362,"Title: Why do I want him Text: We actually had an amicable conversation today and I found out he intends to leave me on insurance for as long as possible. (Would die without unaffordable medication otherwise) We’ve been apart for almost two weeks. Why now is it that I want nothing more than to snuggle up with him? It’s so messed up. I know I don’t deserve to be hit again, but I want to see him and the dogs again. 😔 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 363,"Title: Am I a failure? Text: I'm struggling so much with life. I had a successful business teaching English but the last few months I hardly have any clients left and barely have any work. Most days I wake up around 12pm or 1pm because I have nothing to do. I wrote and self published a book but lately have been struggling to get many sales and am spending a lot of money of advertising and marketing. I've sold almost 500 copies but things are slowing down. I'm working on a second novel but don't feel motivated with writing. I'm struggling to lose weight. I'm a 5""8 30 year old female (soon 31) and weigh 86.5kg. My friends say I look fine but they're being nice. Before COVID I was 70kg but COVID and my mum being diagnosed with cancer made me not care about my health and now I'm struggling to lose the weight. Luckily my mum has been NED for the past 2 years but the fear never goes away. I drink to deal with my problems. Even a glass of wine each evening makes me feel bloated. I have friends but feel lonely and feel like they don't get me. I've had a hard life and they've had easy and cushy lives which makes me feel bitter. I don't feel suicidal or anything but I want to make something of my life. I'm barely making any money and I live at home. I argue a lot with my mum even though she's currently away. The only thing that makes me feel good are my cats and reading. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 364,"Title: fuck summer Text: I think summer can be the best or the worst season ever. You can have fun and go out with friends or stay in the fucking home and do nothing and watch others have fun. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 365,"Title: I am free!!!! Text: After 8 years of emotional and physical abuse, I am free! I was terrified to even think about leaving, but 1200 miles away, I did it. He no longer can control me, he no longer can manipulate me! I'm in bliss rn besides having less than 6 hrs of sleep in the last 48 hours! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 366,"Title: I feel like a fraud when I say I was raped. Text: My friends are the ones that told me it was rape after it happened when I told them whilst crying. I wasn't attacked or anything. I did consent to sex, and loved giving him oral. He didn't force me at first, but then just shoved it in even though I told him to stop and was crying. It was a hookup and I feel I could've prevented it. I should've talked to him more and seen the red flags, but I was dumb and wanted to lose my virginity. Please sorry if I broke any rules For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 367,"Title: I know I’m a bad person Text: I know I’m terrible I know I’m bad. I know my art sucks and it makes you uncomfortable. I know I’m bad person when I get drunk I say mean things because I hurt. I know I’ll probably be shunned and I know my rapist should have killed me and I know that me existing makes you upset. I know I’m awful. I know you’ll tell me I’m a narcissist for posting this. I know you’ll tell me just die. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 368,"Title: My aunt just said ""self-harming is the fashion these days"" and I was sitting there with cuts on my legs Text: Ok boomer For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 369,"Title: I got rlly triggered and now i want to cut more then ever Text: I told my friend that im probably not special to him and then he started to tell me how ungrateful I am, how people have it worse than me and started to tell me about other people he knows that has it worse then me and the he told me he has it hard too but he dosent cut or want to kill himself, he told me he dosent andurstand why I feel like this and that he's ""obviously the reason I feel this way"" and I have a horrible boyfriend Now I'm just sobbing and having a panic attack struggling more then ever to not relapse. Idk what to do im suffering, he's my only friend For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 370,"Title: Why do bugs exist?? Text: I literally had to kill 2 of them in the same minute. Usually i can't even get close to them because im so scared of them for some reason. I hate bugs so fucking much. I hate how disgusting they look, i hate how they move, I hate how they're built, I hate when they fly and crawl to you. Theres absolutely NO POINT for these disgusting assholes to exist. Why are they testing me? They just make me wanna die more For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 371,"Title: I am proud of yall. Text: I just wanted to say I am proud of yall. I am a Hotline operator and I just finished helping a young survivor get themself out of a very bad situation and I just want to say I am proud of how strong each and every one of you are and the amount of strength you all have to fight out of the worst of circumstances. There are plenty of stories that keep me up at night but its days like this that make it all worth it. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 372,"Title: ""At lEaSt I dOn'T cUt mY aRmS oPeN"" Text: My little sister is so triggering. She says things like ""yOu oNlY do iT fOr aTtEnTiOn!"" And ""aT lEaSt I dOnT cUt mY aRmS oPeN!"" It really hurts me which causes me to relapse.she says things like that to me when my mums around and she does fuck all. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 373,"Title: Does suicidal ideation ever go away? Text: I've thought about killing myself daily now for almost 2 years. A Year and a half ago my ex nearly killed herself and it was essentially my fault. It's hard living with the guilt. I know I might improve one day, but will I ever stop hating myself and wanting to die? 2 years has felt like an eternity. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 374,"Title: Always counting to 4 and would like to stop Text: Hiya, so often I'm (F, 26) counting in my head usually to 4 and I feel I can't silence my mind. It started about two years ago when I had this friend with benefits but I didn't like the benefits (I should've stopped the relationship sooner but didn't). Fast forward to present day, I still count most of the time during sex. It used to be for a distraction during sex but even if I'm walking I find I'm counting to 4, feeling anxious or in an uncomfortable conversation there's counting. I used to be a runner and would count to four to keep a good pace but I don't run anymore, more of a gym goer. It would be nice to not count especially when I'm having sex with my boyfriend and I don't want to be distracted. Any tips on how to not do this? Maybe take up running again as I think I could keep a good pace haha For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 375,"Title: Is it stupid to try to stop because of a onesie? Text: I relapsed recently, but I bought [the onesie](https://www.jcpenney.com/p/north-pole-trading-co-reindeer-kids-little-big-unisex-long-sleeve-one-piece-pajama/ppr5008106860?pTmplType=regular&country=US¤cy=USD&selectedSKUId=11405750075&selectedLotId=1140575&fromBag=true&utm_medium=cse&utm_source=google&utm_campaign=One%20Piece%20Pajamas&utm_content=11405750075&cid=cse%7Cgoogle%7CUnisex%20Kids%7cOne%20Piece%20Pajamas_11405750075&kwid=productads-adType%5EPLA&gclid=CjwKCAjw79iaBhAJEiwAPYwoCJgeFOMPsE-lWFze2GO03DnZSPWnVKrJsHfw0j4nhuSUBwNn4cSSxRoCFMcQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds) (edit: link goes to JCPenney website) today. It's so cute and I want to wear it for Halloween, but I also don't want to ruin it, so I'm just not going to cut this week. Maybe I'll get the motivation to not cut after that. Feels like a silly reason, though. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 376,"Title: How do I stop being so frustrated? Text: I have been cutting my arm for 1 week in a row. I got a lot of scars in my arm, and I will be so fucked up when spring comes (if I will be alive until then), everyone will have to see my arm, and that will ruin my relationships more (as if they arent ruined already). Its too late already, my scars are too big to be hidden. School brings me SO MUCH frustration. I am constantly feeling tense, tired, and I feel like I am about to explode. This weekend was my only chance to get a bit of rest, and I messed it all up. I cut my arm and cried for 2 hours straight. I spend some good 3-4 hours playing my guitar this weekend, but instead of actually finding pleasure in it (like usually), it made me SO frustrated. I dont have anything else to do other than play guitar, but I feel like I am about to slam it against the wall. How do I take my negative emotions without self harming? How do I start finding pleasure in guitar again? Why am I so messed-up?, other people my age hold their shit togheter but I am going crazy. I just want to find peace, to finally feel what its like to be ""relaxed"". For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 377,"Title: first day on reddit so hiiii 👋🏼 Text: i’m disabled and live fairly isolated so i’m pretty consistently lonely. ive resisted reddit for a while because internet people are so scary to me. but i started commenting/posting today. i already feel a bit less lonely. it’s been so restorative to see the good of the internet again, like part of the 90s are back. so thanks everyone and especially to this community! love to you all! 💛 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 378,"Title: Want someone to talk to right now. Anyone? Text: Feeling too low and suicidal. Talking to mom and my close relatives isn’t doing anything. I just think I am bothering them with my insanity. 😭 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 379,"Title: I’m just tired. Text: Tired of college even though I’m only taking 3 classes and already failing. What I want to do is something I don’t need to go to college for. My parents are just forcing me to go. Tired of work and most of my coworkers, no one takes me seriously. Everyone has genuine serious conversations while I get talked to like a child. I’m tired of my boss who just stands by and doesn’t fix the toxicity in our workplace. Tired of always doing what other people want. “…have you done this, have you done that…” Tired of having no friends bc I’m so socially awkward. Everyone goes out and has fun while I sit in my room alone. Sitting here typing this, just finished crying about how I’m essentially all alone in my social life. I have parents and family, but it’s not the same. I think I just need a hug. Not a quick one, but a real genuine hug from someone not family. I actually don’t remember the last time I had a hug from a non family member. Feeling a little better. Again no need to have sympathy for me or anything. I just needed a place to vent real fast and begin rethinking my life choices. Thanks for coming to my TED talk. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 380,"Title: Should I really do it? Text: I really don't know how I should start this, I feel depressed, wanting to finish everything while listening to ""Glimpse of us"", I am currently in a situation where I have lost all hope To have a bright future, I feel guilty for being what I am, a disaster, an embarrassment and a good for nothing, A while ago I bought a rope, alcohol, pills and a couple of drugs so as not to feel pain while thinking about hanging myself, the pain is stronger than I thought it would be, I really don't know what to do, Should I find out what lies beyond life? What will happen when I die? Who would care?I am a lousy son, a lousy student and above all a person who does nothing to improve, every day I think more about suicide and seeing what lies beyond death, I can't stand living like this, is it really time to end this suffering or should I just expect the unexpected? I'm sick and tired of lying in bed and waiting for nightfall just to be alone. My parents are worried about my Mental Health, however I don't know what to do, I know that if I decide to do it they will be depressed, since they love me And they support me not to feel that way, but even so I know that I am a complete idiot, an idiot and I will never be good for anything, I must do it? They are asleep but I know that when they see me hanged they will cry, will the pain end like this? Or will it just be another shit day? help please someone For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 381,"Title: Has anyone here ever SH’d even when you aren’t sad? Text: It’s really weird, I don’t really have a reason to SH right now but did anyway. Maybe out of boredom? Or is it just kind of like a lingering addiction you don’t really pay attention to? Idk it’s dumb For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 382,"Title: life sucks Text: Need to rant. I'm having a really bad week. It's not even wednesday yet. one thing after another keeps happening. My personal life is a disaster area. I know i need to focus on bettering my life situation. But I also need to be patient. All good things take time. My bed is full of Squishmallows bc they're my current hyperfixation. They help ease my sadness. I need to stop soon lol. I guess my brain is addicted to the happy feeling they give me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 383,"Title: So I turned 24 today Text: I got plenty of birthday wishes from friends, my parents, my sister. But somehow, now, at the end of the day, I can’t help but feel lonely… It feels stupid but I don’t know why. Sorry, I just needed to vent somewhere. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 384,"Title: I miss my ex so so so so soooo muchhhhh Text: I found a person who I was 100% holistically compatible with. The type of person that when there’s 8 people sitting at a table and I told a joke - she’s the only one who understood it enough to laugh her ass off. Our families didn’t want us to be together though. Hers didn’t which caused my parents not to want us together. So she chose her family. I miss her so much guys - I don’t think I’ll ever find someone who I connect with all across the board in the way that I did with her. I’ll one day get past her, but I feel like I’ll always be broken hearted about it. Life is really hard rn despite everything going well financially- I just feel like she was the missing piece. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 385,"Title: fuck you fuck you fuck you Text: I can’t fucking stand your guts. I hate every inch of you from the top of your shitty dirty blonde hair down to the soles of your nasty ass feet. I hate the way you buttered me up for a week straight. You literally look like you drive the car you drive. But why? why do i almost empathize with you when i consider reporting? why do i feel guilty for even considering fucking up your life? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 386,"Title: i want to do it (major tw) Text: ive been clean for 2 weeks now. my parents took two of my doors away, my phone, drawing tablet, and airpods. i got my phone back bc i needed it to join a school club, but i rly want to cut. the thing is, if i cut i wont get my stuff back. but tbh im slowly starting to not give a shit. this is going to sound so fucking bratty, but i hate when ppl control me like this. i honestly dont even deserve anything. im a fucking horrible person and i should just kms. i hate myself rn. i dont even deserve pity or any of that bs. i hate how fucking edgy i sound rn too. i wanna fucking cut my fucking arm and slit it open and watch the gaping cut slowly begin to bleed. i want to get blood all over the bathroom floor and sink, and i want to hold a towel over my arm while it feels warm. i want to feel so fucking fucked For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 387,"Title: My TRO was approved and I feel awful Text: Tonight I was granted a TRO. I sat in the car and bawled my eyes out after getting home. I feel an incredible loss. I have been holding out hope for years that he would be better, keep his promises, attend counseling and the fact that none of that will ever happen just hit me so unbelievably hard. Has anyone else experienced this? I feel stupid. I love him. I wish things were different For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 388,"Title: TW: is this sexual harassment Text: my friend who is now openly lgbtq has said to me they felt pressured to come out by peoples comments around their sexuality such as, your not straight and when the person said they were straight they carried on with these comments to extremes. Someone today told me that can be seen as sexual harassment and i cant wrap my head around how it is could someone please explain? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 389,"Title: Can't talk to anyone about being suicidal because it will just lead to them calling the police on me and becoming prisoner in a hospital Text: I dont wanna live anymore. And I CERTAINLY dont wanna be chained to a bed in a psych ward. I can't talk to my friends or family cause they just immediately call the police and say I'm a danger which gets me locked in a hospital for a week and 5000 dollars in bills. I can't even act suicidal. Im just forced to sit here and think. I never asked to be born. I DIDN'T ASK TO BE ALIVE. I DON'T WANT TO. I hate myself so much and there's no reason to live my whole life in poverty and sadness. People just want me to be alive so they don't have to deal with my death. I hate myself and I hate my life For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 390,"Title: Smokin out on these flashbacks daily for some inner peace Text: Yes we’re alone At the very end we don’t have anyone Errybody is fake in this realm They are running towards body rather than something true Humans don’t appreciate real love Girls nowadays mygod what are they doing to boys ? Why every single suicide is happening because of betryal For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 391,"Title: So I recently have felt the need to SH again.. Text: So I was at work one day, on your normal average work day, and I accidentally snipped the end of my hand with some scissors and at first I was like, “ah crap now this is gonna sting all day.” Then I realized it was a bit more than a paper cut and it didn’t sting the way a paper cut would. Long story short it felt really good and I’ve recently wanted to SH to feel that release again and I honestly don’t know what to do. The more I think about it the more I want to do it, even though I know it won’t help me in the slightest. I’ve felt empty and hollow pretty much my entire teenage years and I’ve always tried unsafe methods to try to fill the void. And recently I found, that I put myself in a questionable sexual situation and I’ve been feeling so disgusted with myself, which only made me wanna SH even more. Because then at least I wouldn’t have to feel guilty about said sexual situation I put myself in and instead feel guilty about that. And that seemed/seems like the better alternative to me. The point is I’ve been feeling extra depressed lately, and I’ve had a lot of mood swings. And recently all I can think about is SH. I don’t know who I could talk to about this that would give me a useful alternative and I really don’t know what to do. Soo here I am on reddit. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 392,"Title: Saw text message from a friend when i was half awake Text: Hello , hope everyone is doing well ,i had only slept for few hours ex slept at 2 woke up at 4 and slept again at 6 i had an assignment to work on , and recently i had been dreaming that people are texting in the my dreams and i was able to read and understand the text and it stoped after a few months today i had set an alarm and it went off i opened my eyes to shut it off saw a notification from a friend and thought ill reply later but when i woke up got and checked there was no message i don't understand whats going because we cant read in dreams i will get professional help but i'm not doing good financially For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 393,"Title: Help, please. Me (29f) being harassed by coworker (59m) Text: I don't know what to do anymore. My coworker has always made me uncomfortable. He has told me about his sexcapades basically since I started working at my location and asking me if I thought this nurse was hot or this doctor was hot. (I'm bi and he found this out when I was talking to another guy at work who knew my husband was bi and asked if I was, too. I work in an emergency room.) I asked my father-in-law who is a retired manager if this was sexual harassment and he said it was borderline. So I tried to get thicker skin and dealt with him being a jerk and commenting on every patient that came in and his sexcapade stories. Well two weeks ago he said I wanted to sleep with him because I smiled at him. He says when a girl smiles at him he knows they want to sleep with him. I'm also demigirlflux. I don't want to sleep with him. Today for first time since starting to work here I wore a little bit of makeup. I was feeling fem and had some extra time so I put on eyeliner, mascara, and I tinted lip balm from Nars. He said I looked attractive and ""doable."" I told him to screw off and he said he was just being honest. I awkwardly said thanks. I brought this up to my manager and he said that he would rather he be a creep to me than a security guard be a creep to the nurses. So nothing is getting done. I don't want to quit, I enjoy my job otherwise. I just don't know what to do. Another point is, we work for different companies. He works for the hospital. The hospital hired my company to do security. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 394,"Title: my husband, still Text: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 My husband and I had our divorce trial. The judge did NOT sign for our divorce as it's in submission because it's not California jurisdiction anymore. I am the petitioner and he's the respondent. Myself and kids have left California and are in Virginia, where we have been for 8 months. Well the judge is going to move our case to Virginia jurisdiction. Where cheating is illegal. A misdemeanor. Fines. This time I will have a lawyer. My medical issues have gotten significantly worse. He will be sued for adultery and abuse. Judge signed for significant help with child support. Literally everything was in my favor, including the change of jurisdiction. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 395,"Title: I hate myself Text: I hate how when it hurts soooo much mentally I cut that’s the first thing I go to I did it twice in a week and I haven’t done it in a year I just relapsed twice I am in agony mentally physically the cuts doesn’t even hurt me anymore I just am depressed tbh idk life is just fucking me over all the damn time For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 396,"Title: i’m so proud of myself Text: i completely quit all substances, 2 days clean so far. i haven’t self harmed in a week. i think i’m going to get better. wish me luck. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 397,"Title: I don't know what to do! Text: My boss has been sexually harrasing me at work and I made a complaint to the owner and he basically was trying to bully me into leaving because my boss is more valuable to him than I am. I then contacted a lawyer and was told i had a case but only if i could prove that the owners two businessess are connected because in my state I need at least 5 employees under the same business if I wanted to pursue leagal action. Can anyone give advice on how to do that? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 398,"Title: I want to relapse but I'm 327 days clean Text: I need to relapse but I have some sort of guilt holding me back. I am scared of disappointment, seeing the look on their faces when they discover I've cutting myself, way deeper. I'm scared, I just want some sort of relief, I want to cut deeper, and I want to see more scars. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 399,"Title: I left him!!! Text: I finally got the courage to make this nasty man leave my children and I! I was in a physically abusive relationship for five years.. I finally walked away from that man a year ago in January... A few months ago, I started dating this man that promised me the moon and stars..... Things quickly changed, he moved himself in.. I suffer from depression and anxiety, I didn't have the courage to tell him no.. Although he never hit me, I was never allowed my own bank card, I wasn't allowed my car keys... He yelled and cursed at not only myself but my young children too.. One day last week, he told my legally blind son to open his fucking eyes when he couldn't find his snow pants.... That did it for me, he was gone. My ex beat me daily, I almost lost my life at his hands twice... I would have rather gone through all of that again than be yelled at, cursed at, belittled and be made to feel ashamed of myself. I told him he had until today to leave and I was scared I would back down, but I stuck to my guns and he's gone!! I did it! I am worthy of love!!! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 400,"Title: Help with court questions Text: My ex will be presented with a plea offer or the choice to go to trial on Friday. I’m getting nervous. He’s been on house arrest for 6 months, the DA hasn’t contacted me much to explain what the plea offer will even be: I’m scared he will get off easy. He has a lot of money and a really good lawyer. He was charged with strangulation, assault with a weapon, false imprisonment with a deadly weapon, aggravated assault with firearm, battery. I feel that he will get off since they have yet to update me. I’m just anxious and upset and any advice is helpful. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 401,"Title: I'm tired of ""Men don't get raped"". Text: I was just scrolling through tiktok, and it was cool until I saw a video about SA. First of all, I know it had good intentions, but why do people find so fucking difficult to put a TW ok the begging of videos if they are gonna talk about those topics? Specially if it's not gonna be referred to it at the begging, it was supposed to be about gender because something that happened on my country, whatever, when I could have turned back it was too late. So the main issue was that it was about male SA, specially during childhood and how many victims get told ""men can't be abused"". It was triggering and but it doesn't matter, I entered comments to comment that even tho the message of the video is great, a TW would be appreciated, when I started watching mocking comments. They were very disrespectful, and I don't know why I kept reading, I feel stupid, I even replied to some of them even tho I knew I'd feel worse after that. But I don't get it, there were some men and mostly women making fun of men because: 1- ""Men don't get raped"" 2- ""No woman says men don't get raped"" 3- ""Men only get raped by other men"" 4- ""Women have it much worse"" Now I just want to hit something and yell, I don't understand why people don't get that rape is not about gender and it makes me mad, and what makes me even more mad is how some of them had ""feminist"" on their profile info, feminist? No you are not, feminism fights for equality, you are just a person with no empathy. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 402,"Title: Anyone ever notice this? Text: The people who will tell you how much they'd miss you if you killed yourself are the same people who are content to ignore you everyday you're alive. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 403,"Title: Fell back into a pit post breakup Text: So me and my now ex girlfriend have been broke up for around 3 weeks now and we share the same friend group so it was inevitable we would end up on the same night out, tonight that occurred and for some reason I found myself home at 1am in the bathroom s\h something which I haven’t done for over a year, I’m really struggling to cope with this breakup as I know it’s final I also know that I can’t keep doing this to myself but how do I resist this urge, I also think it’s time I part ways with this friend group they have been the closest people to me for the past 7 years but I just can’t be around knowing she will be there does anyone have any advice For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 404,"Title: is there a word for this (tw for suicide discussion) Text: is there a word for being so deeply depressed and want to die but knowing that you won’t? i’ve seen how my mom would react due to a recent death in the family and i could never do that to her but i don’t want to be here anymore For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 405,"Title: I hate having to live for other people Text: The only reason I have to be here is my family. Not wanting to traumatize them and create a domino effect from my death. This feeling comes from the sense of complete failure in the one thing that I'm good at, school work. I was a straight A student K-12, it wasn't like it was easy, I had to put in so much work to get to that point but that drive in me is gone. I've failed so many classes in college, I 've wasted so much of my time and money along with my families time and money. I understand life can be fantastic but I'm content with this being it. I'm okay with missing out on the milestones in my life. Of course, sorry to my family for missing their milestones but again I hate having to live for them. I want to run away to some foreign place and never come back, run away from my missing assignments and hide away somewhere no one would find me. That idea of running away is what keeps me here, I at least should use that money I've got saved, sure it would worry my family for me to run away but a note could calm that. This world wasn't built for me and I wasn't built for this world. I'm ready to leave, I've been ready to leave for such a long time, I'm ready to be selfish for once. My family will adapt and heal, no doubt about it, that's what humans do. (when I write this I hope my logic doesn't push anyone to suicide, I just need to tell someone how I'm feeling that understands. Of course there's always another way, even if it is running away to another country ;) ) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 406,"Title: 13 years, I need out Text: I've been married to my spouse for 13 years. He was violent in the beginning, but after completing a scram bracelet program that prevented him from drinking he seemed to be better. He hit me maybe one time prior to the bracelet . In 2013, two years after, he began drinking again. He slammed a bathroom door into my forehead after chasing me through the house, which was the first time I had a black eye. I was ashamed and I lied about how it happened and he said he'd never do it again. Christmas Eve 2015 he elbowed me in the eye. I never made any reports except the one that had him arrested and put on the scram bracelet. After 2015 nothing else happened. I even bragged to the one friend who knows everything about how much better he had gotten. He barely even yelled at me up until Saturday night when we were at his brothers. My step niece recently overdosed on heroin and it had my head in a bad place, so I was crying. He slapped me in the face which made me cry more and caused my sister-in-law to come see what was going on. He told her he hadn't touched me and I was being crazy, which, I'll admit, made me act a little crazy (but not aggressive, more like sobbing) especially when she said that he was fine and I was basically a bad parent and bad human in general, and that even if he had hit me, I deserved it. Once she was done yelling at me for ""crying in her house"" and calling me rude, I tried to get up to call my parents or my niece to come get me. They took my phone. He told me he had broken it (he hadn't). Lots of arguing ensued and the next thing I knew I was being dropped to the floor by my neck. he'd stop choking me and let me up just to drop me again. I think it happened three times. I can't really remember except for trying to get him off me and not being able to breathe. He also punched me/slapped me in the face repeatedly and slammed my head off the floor. When I finally got away I gave up any hope of my parents or the police helping me and went to sleep. I woke up with finger prints on my neck (one that has bruised), two black eyes, and countless bruises on my arms/elbows/torso and three lumps on my head. When I said something in the morning he didn't apologize, he said whatever, I had just fallen down. No apology. No remorse. And now he acts like nothing even happened minus doing all the errands because...obviously he doesn't want me outside with black eyes. I guess my question is...since this happened in a different county than the one I reside in, is that where I would need to go to report it? Or would my local county allow me to report it here? I can't do this anymore. I have four boys. I don't want them growing up thinking this behavior is okay. And I definitely dont want my daughter thinking it's okay. Another thing is when I mentioned calling 911, my in-laws said they'd tell the police I just fell out of my chair. I don't want to risk losing my kids to him. I photographed my injuries, but is it possible they would believe my in-laws story, even with him having a prior battery charge? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 407,"Title: Just quit my job, next is life. Text: Just up and left. Tonight was the last straw. I don’t have much money left so I probably won’t last more than a couple months. I need to figure out what I’m gonna do with all the shit I’ll leave behind when I’m dead. I got a lot of stuff that’s worth a lot but I don’t think my mom would want to sell it. I’ll have to try and sell it and just give her the money. Anything I can’t sell I’ll just give away or if I have to I’ll toss it. I don’t want to leave behind any debt but it looks like it’s unavoidable. It’s not too much so I’m hoping mom will forgive me. What a terrible life it’s been. I’m glad it’s almost over. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 408,"Title: Manager Text: I don’t know why but my manager is idly nice to me and mean to everyone else and treats me like her son but I’m a weird way I’m 17 and she’s way older then me and she grooes my arms and randomly touches me in a non sexual way but it feels like it’s meant to the whole idea of it while writing this makes me very uncomfortable at work if I’m alone with her I go to other people so I won’t be completely alone with her good thing it’s a restaurant that’s busy majority of the time It just plainly makes me uncomfortable For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 409,"Title: M’y boyfriend can’t deal with the fact that I was raped Text: Pretty much the title. He struggles with jealous. I’m just starting to process the event and it’s one of the main things I think about, but every time I mention it, it reminds him that I’ve had sex with other men which makes him jealous. He acknowledges that he shouldn’t be jealous, but he is and it seriously affects him. I don’t know how to be there for him. I try searching online but I can’t find anything on how to support your partner after you’ve been raped. Tricky. Any tips would be appreciated! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 410,"Title: can someone please answer this Text: If I get drunk one night and I wake up to a friend telling me we had sex and I have no recollection of it is that rape? I consider the first time no, because he probably didn't know just how drunk I was and, although blackout, I gave him consent. I told him that please, next time if I accidentally drink too much and I try to indulge him to tell me no. If it happens a second and third time is that rape? In this case I think so because I told him not to indulge me if I ask. If it happens another few times is that rape? After I told him so many times and I keep waking up to him telling me how many times we f*cked? How many of those times did I even consent? He has even twice told me he wants to get me liqored up so he can take advantage of me so I can cuddle him.is this rape or is it my fault? I think I might be pregnant and I'm at a loss For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_ongoing Question 411,"Title: it's all I can think about Text: Another night obsessed with ending my life. Losing sleep because I can't bear the thought of waking up to another day disappointed with my existence still being. No friends and no job, right where I need to be to leave this world that I cannot contribute to in any way. I have no aspirations to improve my situation to the standards of a normal human being. All there's left to do is post into the void and live short & unacknowledged. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 412,"Title: Feeling confused and disgusted. Text: Hello, I hope I am at the right address and I really don't know what to do. Since my teens I have noticed that my father had been a bit 'too' touchy. mostly slapping and touching my rear or leg. At the time I didn't think much of it, because I thought that it was alright, him being my dad. Now I am 17 and I have noticed the touchiness increasing plus making some comments about sex, which is very unusual, as it is a total taboo because of our religion. He also told me very vaguely that I should cover my legs more and that I don't 'feel' or 'seem' like his daughter anymore. Last night we talked about this, and he said that he did this because I was the only person he could openly vent to in my family. This led him to seeing me as not his daughter anymore, resulting in this behaviour. The thing that disgusted me the most was when he told me he wanted to touch me when I consulted him when he was having a though time. Not sexually, but it still disturbed me. I am very confused and feel very dirty. I feel like it is my fault and I should have told him off. I was so embarrassed when he talked about it today that I told him that I never noticed it. Looking back, I feel like I should have said something or at least done something. Him telling me this has disgusted me and I hate myself for it. Does anyone have any advice and does this count as sexual harassement? If this is not the right place, I am very sorry. I feel just afwul and gross and needed a place to vent. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","sexualharassment_ongoing, childabuse_endangerment_ongoing" Question 413,"Title: S/H has completely taken over Text: I don’t really know what to do anymore because harming myself is always on my mind as if I’m looking forward to it. I get the same exciting feelings when I’m free to do it as I did for playing games as a kid and I’m just feeling so numb. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 414,"Title: TW: if anyone else has had a traumatic experience relating to self harm did it make you feel guilty or ashamed about asking for help? Text: That's me rn and I feel like people would be pissed off at me for going to therapy again to talk about stuff that happened back when I was 12 where I was struggling a lot with self harm(I'm in my early twenties now) even though I know I was unwell at the time and if I was in a healthier mindset then I wouldn't have done what I did to myself but also because it was self harm related, I know that to an extent the distressing/traumatic experience was self inflicted which makes me just feel like a shitty human being and like I don't deserve to see a therapist to talk about what happened. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 415,"Title: I reported it. Text: I reported my rape to the police. I’m 15 and my rapist is 16. I even had evidence! Guess what they told me? They did not believe a WORD that left my fucking mouth. NOT A WORD. The officer, who was a female, told me “people are in a different place mentally when they have sex.” “You’re making things sound worse than they actually are.” And so much more. What the fuck? EDIT: Someone asked what my evidence was. I’m putting it here in case anyone else was wondering. I had text messages of him admitting it happened For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 416,"Title: ❗️please help me❗️ Text: I decided to speak more about a problem of sexual harassment in our school and that is why I chosed sexual harassment as a topic of my final work for this school year. But I need at least 100 people to fill up my questionnair about it. It is anonymous and these questions aren’t too specific. If you feel comfortable with it and have 2 minutes please fill it and help me with speaking about this problem💛 [questionnaire](https://www.survio.com/survey/d/F5A9U2Q8E7Z5A3F4S) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 417,"Title: i wish i could feel love like i used to. human connection is all but a distant memory Text: i’m 19 and so lonely and tired. it’s ok i don’t have friends i guess, i’m busy with school and my job anyway. i see everyone else with their friends and boyfriends and i used to be filled with raging jealousy but now i’ve just accepted i’ll never have that i just want someone to love me. someone i love who wants me in their life. even friends. i have a best friend who i’ve been so close with since i was like 10 but mid high school she got a boyfriend and other friends and i didn’t see much of her anymore. i still see her and talk to her often, but i long to feel that little smile and “god i love my friends” feeling in my heart a year ago i met a guy. we were so close and i thought he was the one. he set aside hours to talk to me every single day and i did the same. he led me on. i went with it cause i had never been in a relationship before and didn’t know how this shit was supposed to work. he said he only wanted to keep me around and never loved me and lied. wanted the lonely quiet girl to feel like somebody loved her and use her to play to his own advantage. i’m disgusted, everything i thought about him was a lie. i’m quite plain looking as well, not ugly, but nothing special. i will never find someone who i love who also loves me. i loved him so much, i never thought i could feel that way about someone but it was all a lie and game. so now it’s impossible for me to feel that way anymore i don’t know what’s wrong with me but human interaction just sounds exhausting at this point. i spend all my time in my room studying, relaxing, or daydreaming about a feeling that i haven’t felt in a long time. all my love has been stomped out and i feel like an empty void and so numb. i guess it’s better than always pain like i used to be but i just want to be happy and love people again. family, friends, and i want someone special but everyone good is taken or has no interest in a girl like me. i want to just be able to love and believe it’s actually real, but it’s not. at least for me For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 418,"Title: Is anyone else terrified of taxis or ubers? Text: I was raped in the back of a car and ever since I've been terrified of getting in taxis and ubers, I even walk many kilometres just to avoid them Does anyone else experience this? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 419,"Title: My abuser is gone and it has left me feeling empty Text: After a tumultuous 3 1/2 years, my roommate delivered the last of my ex’s things to him yesterday. I want to feel relief and joy and free because I know now that I’m safe and free of not being abandoned or neglected or screamed at ever again. I don’t have to live in fear about speaking about my feelings or needs. However even knowing this, I feel like whatever was there he ripped out and left a gaping hole in my chest and a storm in his wake. I feel like I’ve lost my sense of self and that my identity right now is simply “B****’s partner”. I’ve come out of this different. I want to think I’ve come out of it stronger and wiser but I just feel lost and worn out. I even feel remorse and denial, and much gaslighting and torment has haunted me that he says this all my fault. For any out there who have experienced a loss of purpose and identity, what have you done? I will continue to grieve and acknowledge my loss, but I want to at least take steps for feeling like myself again while I do. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 420,"Title: My parents found out I self harmed Text: This is my second post, but I deleted my first one since I wasn't in my right mind at that time. My parents found out I self harmed just a few hours ago. Lots of words were said, names were also thrown in my way. I admit, what they said really stung. Just confirmed my initial hesitation in not telling my parents. They told me to just kill myself instead of continuing self harm-- I ended up doing it without them knowing anyways just a few minutes ago. But that's not the point. Everything has calmed down, but no talk, no heart to heart, nothing. IT'S LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED AT ALL! It's like my mom just didn't scream at me, like my dad didn't nearly cry because of me. Although, my dad has been pretty awkward. This wasn't what I expected though, I mean, I didn't expect them finding out this early either. Although I should've expected this since this is exactly what happened a few months ago as well. Me arguing with my mom, having a breakdown, them finding out and then boom! Nothing the next day. I don't know whether it's a good thing or a bad thing. Good thing: it saves me from further embarrassment. Bad thing: nothing changes and it's like one big vicious unending cycle. Idk, it feels like what happened a while ago was one big yet realistic dream. I'm just confused af right now. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 421,"Title: Is proactive planning a thing? Should it be? My brief story below. Text: Preface: The incident was three weeks ago. Since then I have been sober for 12 days, weaning off of antidepressants, and enlisting some self-help techniques that have worked for me in the past. When you're not in your dark place, think about what might pull you out of it when you are in it. Create a suicide prevention action plan of action and a list of resources that might help you. I am going to share what I (literally just moments ago) did after my near-attempt three weeks ago. (Suicidal ideation has been an issue my entire life, but three weeks ago was the closest and scariest experience I have had.) Today, I reached out to a very close, very trusted friend and I said to her ""if we are on the phone, and I am in that space, please talk to me about how hard I've worked to end the generational trauma with my children. Then, here is a list of people who are close that can come to the house if need be."" I will share with my husband who this friend is and make sure he knows he can reach out to her because he doesn't always know what to do (more on that later). What I went through three weeks ago resulted in my husband leaving my house (leaving me by myself), and having no idea what to do because he didn’t want to call the cops since I had all of our pew-pews out on our bed. He was afraid the cops would walk in and shoot me (yes, we are in the US) and he said “either way it was a lose lose situation for me and I didn’t know what to do.” Yes, I called the suicide hotline. No, they didn’t answer. A sober space and a clear mind led me to finally ask for help, identify my personal resources, and reflect on my purpose and why I cannot leave this place yet. Find your Why. It could be a pet, a job (if you love yours), a loved one, a commitment to save the bees, anything. Anything you can think of that brings you joy. Anything you can think of that lights your passion. Use it to save yourself. Reach out for help before you need it. It is so much easier to do before the next attempt/ideation. And I come to you speaking from experience. (Again, remember that I am in a good place today, and in the last 3 weeks I have made a concerted effort to address the suicidal ideation and think of ways to avoid it. I did try reaching out to my psychologist, but she heard about the near-attempt while in session with my husband and dropped us both as a client, emailed some resources and that was that. So I’m free styling it. I do have another therapist and my husband and I hired a couples therapist as well.) Wishing you all the best. If I'm here next year, perhaps this Suicide Prevention Action Plan worked. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_past Question 422,"Title: I just outed the man who raped and beat me - to his entire hometown! Text: I'm turning 16 this week. The guy who raped and strangled me almost to death is 26. He was my camp counselor at summer camp almost two years ago. I've spent a year and a half in the darkest place, wanting to die. My case was dropped because the prosecutors didnt think I could handle a trial bc I've been suicidal, and because the creep who hurt me is rich and connected. This guy stole everything from me, I dropped out of school, and I was all A's in all advanced courses. I lost all my friends because I stayed in bed for 6 months, was self-harming nonstop, and they all couldnt handle the pain I was in. My family is so messed up from this - no one is ok. I still have daily flashbacks of him strangling me and punching me, and the worst are of choking on his disgusting penis. Panic attacks are the new norm. Fast forward to 4 weeks ago. I worked hard for this: I found out where he lived. I found his parents and other relatives. I created a secure email. I got a VPN. I stalked google maps and wrote down every single school, shop, library, restaurant, etc. in his town. I had my older cousin who is a great writer draft a letter about all the things this man did to me and how he did it and where he found me, etc. I wrote to EVERY SINGLE BUSINESS, school, shop, church, temple, auto shop, etc etc in that whole damn town. I wrote to EVERY SINGLE relative of his I could find. I told them everything. I told them details that would leave no doubt it was him. My cousin used the right language so it's all under free speech. I told all the details of the torture I endured. I gave links to the police dept that keeps my rape kit. AND, I included a photo of him for those who didnt know him. From what I hear, all hell broke loose in that little town of 5,000. EVERYbody is talking about the pedophile piece of shit that had everyone fooled. I expect that by this time next week, he'll be gone. I wsh he was dead, but this is the next best thing. I wish I could add that this solves everything, but it doesn't. I'm still wanting to die every fucking day, but for the past 4 weeks I've slept better, and I smile when I think of his mom reading that email. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, selfharm_past, childabuse_endangerment_past, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 423,"Title: I don’t know if this life is worth living Text: I am currently a senior in college at a “top 10 school” the journey here was long but it was all because I had the goal of working in high finance. I achieved the first and one of the most critical steps by securing an internship with one of the top companies in this area. There where 3, and they are notoriously selective. I got the one that I thought was the best for me. I was even more elated when they told me they would extend full time offers to all interns in the fall before that summer. Throughout junior year as summer neared I was contacted by recruiting and pressured that the early I signed the better my start date would be and as I felt a lot of pressure and wanted a start date that would allow me to travel a little something I never had the opportunity to truly experience. But at the end of the summer, on my second to last day of my internship. I was told that I needed to come down to the office to help with something. When I go there there was nothing and shortly Into the day I was pulled out of a meeting, sat down and told that they where rescinding my full time offer and gave vague reasonings that appeared over blown. There was no warning and it took me and most people as a surprise. I am now at the point where the pain of my past mistakes is becoming to much to bear. I chose to be homeschooled in high school because I wanted to perform well enough to get into a top school. I gave up almost all the normal things in a childhood and studied for those years. I came to college and immediately made sure to get straight As and then COVID hit and it was too late to make friends like freshman. Recruiting came around and I chose to spend time securing the job I wanted rather then enjoy the normal parts of college and at the time it was all worth it. Until I no longer had anything left. I feel into a deep depression shortly after securing the job and this past year before the internship a struggled with deep depression but over the summer the joy that all my hard work had payed off helped me almost get out of it until I no long had the job. Now I am at the point where my grade are rapidly slipping to the point where I have been at risk for academic suspension multiple times. Very few people are able to help me as my situation is almost in heard of because most people in it keep quite I am at the point where I am struggling to get out of bed in the morning and finding a will to live. I can’t stomach having to go down a less desirable path after I gave up all the potential joy for this one and losing it all. I also wanted to have other fulfillments in life like friends, love, happiness. But I wanted to have a career and it seems that those may not be able to go exist. And I have done so much damage to myself trying to get there I don’t know where I go from here. I don’t know if this life is worth living. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 424,"Title: 29m 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 need someone to talk to about life and chit chat Text: need someone talk about everyday things with. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 425,"Title: anyone else lgbt? Text: I've heard that the percent of lgbt people who self harm is high so i was just curious. I'm queer (i like everyone) if you are lgbt and self harm, do you think being lgbt has an affect on it?? Edit: hey if any of u guys need to talk im here homie 🥺 gays supporting gays ya know? luv u guys For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 426,"Title: I hate school Text: It’s 1 AM rn, I have an exam tomorrow, I didn’t study at all since I had too much homework for the whole week, I’m going to fail so bad. This exam is important, it’s one of my most important subject so I’m in deep ****. I’m so stressed i really need to cut but I know it’ll just add problems For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 427,"Title: i cant bleed? Text: I onky do cat scratches and more often then not draw blood, and thags the pijtn in it for me, i dont like being too deep, hitting beans or styro but rn the blood isnt coming out, im using thr same bladel ajd doing it the way i alwaya ised, whays happening, its onky been 2 weeks For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 428,"Title: Am I in a domestic violent marriage? Text: Husband (51) Wife (41) Known each other 10 years. Married 8 months. I am the wife, confused as to what is happening but know that I have hurt him a lot emotionally. He said he has never hit an ex in the past. He has a cold type personality, can be strict, hard about certain things. But also very protective, caring. Instances of fights that make me wonder if I am at fault. Examples of Events- All our 100% Accurate - not one sided A: 3 months into marriage, we bickered, I was upset so walked off to a neighborhood bar for a beer to txt my mom at 5pm, came back at 6pm, he screamed in my face, grabbed my hair, threw me around, kicked me B: After that, he acted detached for months. I grew increasingly lonely. Felt isolated, he continues to put me down, belittle me, complain, never take me places, makes me feel stupid. Knew I was definitely not allowed to go out again after that first incidnet..so.ended up being starved for attention. Talked to strangers online, flirted, sent a sexy picture. He went thru my phone. Hits me when he reads messages. Throws phone at my eye. I need stitches. Refuses to take me to ER. I duct tape my forehead closes. It was a deep wound. Could see half inch in. Blood all over house. 2 black eyes. But no punching, just from hitting. Abuse went on for 4 hrs straight. C: Time went by, he became affectionate again. But starting to get angry over very small things. Questions me a lot, cross examines to try to catch me in small white lies. At this point, I'm unable to even talk to him like a friend so begin telling white lies out of fear. Always feel like I'm on pins n needles, mindful of his temper. He drinks. Goes to bed. I was hanging in living room and realized I left my cell phone on headboard. Wanted to retrieve it to watch Tik Tok on couch. Enter room to get it. Crawl into bed. He wakes up from mattress moving. Gets up, shouts, WHAT are U DoINg? I say, getting my phone. He pushes me extremely hard out the door down hallway, I go flying. My head slams onto hardwood floor. I am convinced I had a concussion. Was in bed for a week. Starting to suffer nerve damage on my body at this point, always in healing stage of bruises/fresh ones too D: He's showing remorse. Cried about his actions. Buys me my favorite chocolate, sushi. Weeks later we decide to drink. He buys 2 small bottles. He becomes tired after one drink, goes to bed. He asks me not to drink anything while he sleeps. I say I'm not going to, just gonna stay up to paint. I start going on YouTube to watch domestic violence videos since he is asleep. I decide to drink after what I see. He sees in morning I drank. He gets mad, pushes me very hard. He is apologizing later, feels very bad, hugs me. E: He is sleeping in bed a few days later, I crawl into bed and start snuggling up against him. He asks me to stop. I go to bed. Wake up shortly later & start feeling around bed for my phone. I accidentally touched his face waking him. He gets angry, sticks his fingers up my nostrils, squeezes down, digs nails, scratches my face, headlocks me and throws me out of room. I asked thru the door if I could get my phone to call my mom to be picked up. He refused to let me Now he is acting detached but being nice. Nicer than usual. Not belitting me. Blames me for everything incident though when we talk. I apologize. Hug him. We've had sex but no cuddling. Sex every couple days. He only does stuff with his friends. Not me. Except watches TV with me when we are at home together. But it's what he wants to watch. I continue to show affection to see if I can get him to be more loving. He has stared multiple times he wants a divorce and for me to move. When I get apartments he gets upset, wants to keep trying, so I get deposits back. He refused to wear wedding band. Even when things have gone well, he complains. I'm never good enough it seems. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 429,"Title: When I’m sitting on my ass doing nothing, I feel useless and depressed. When I’m actually doing something, i think about how I’d rather be just relaxing at home Text: Just a loop of unhappiness, really hope I can fix it soon. I wanna know what the fuck happened to my motivation and care for life. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 430,"Title: how do i stop self-harm? Text: i've been in a massive hole of depression recently. time is going so fast, and the pressure of everything keeps getting to me. i've tried temporary tattoos, rubber bands, ice, everything my therapist has told me. it doesn't help that i've lost all my friends and schoolwork has gotten 10 X harder. any suggestions, advice or support? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 431,"Title: Haha I want to kill myself Text: If I could just walk into the most crowded place in the city and drench myself in gasoline, I could light myself on fire and traumatize as many people as I possibly can as they watch me gurgle in my own liquified flesh. Or maybe I should drag as many people as I can down to hell with me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 432,"Title: Today I just really need a hug Text: Today I really need a hug. Just a warm long hug from someone. Today I crave a hug. I feel like I'm going through so much I just need to cry into someone's arms and have it feels like for just a moment everything is okay... I just need a hug. One hug.. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 433,"Title: I don’t know how to love anyone Text: Shit throughout my life prevented me being able to put full faith in anyone! It’s crazy my longest relationship is 2 years! I have a fear of a abandonment from childhood trauma that I end things before they can even start. I have only been with girls as a way to not feel lonely, but have a fear for commitment to them for some reason. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 434,"Title: Forgetting significant DV incidents Text: Hi all, I was wondering if anyone has had experience with being unable to remember significant DV incidents. I feel like because at the time, I tried to pretend everything was okay, I ignored so much. Now looking back I’d never be able to pin down specific dates or incidents For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 435,"Title: I’m a mess Text: Ranting here because I have no one to talk to. Please ignore this stupid thing I have realized that my life is just chaos… I might be depressed and won’t surprise me. I have multiple mental health issues already and I’m very tired, my friends don’t care about me, they don’t maintain this relationship and care more about buying consoles to game with idk who because it sure as hell won’t be me, (Nintendo) it’s the only gaming platform I don’t own, they can never go out with me and they behave like actual children even tho they are literally almost at the point where they can’t be called “young adults”, and when I meet more friends that are on my same mind set and I get along with them they live 3 hours away. I’m a fucking alcoholic, all I do is go out and drink…. WHITH MY PARENTS, cuz no one my age will go out with me, I’ve lived 2 decades of loveless life and I don’t know what to do. My days all consist of waking up, almost not eating, doing homework, refining my skill, hyper focusing on university, working out, daydreaming, having existential crises, buying anything I see, talking to myself, drinking, going shopping alone and walking my dog… I never imagined my life would be this boring! So some news for no reason: -I developed an eating disorder apparently -I’m the person with the lowest self esteem ik -I have realized that I have 4 major kinks (idk when that started) -I found out that I can still have a vaccine that is usually not given to people over 12, simply because I’m still a virgin (and that somehow makes me sad) - I have never really fallen in love -my antidepressants seem to have stopped working (I’m having too many mood swings) -my grades are absolutely perfect as always (yay me 😒) -I’m getting another tattoo next week (I’m really happy about that) -I haven’t traveled in almost 8 months (save for a trip that I was forced to go on and that was one of the most traumatic experiences I’ve had) -I’m pathetic and pitiful at everything -all the empathy and sympathy I’ve worked to develop seems to have disappeared, I can’t even feel happy for anyone anymore. -I wish I didn’t have emotions For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 436,"Title: My parents are going to see my scars tonight Text: So I know nobody’s probably gonna see this but I need to vent. Basically it’s hot as shit and I’m finally giving in and wearing a short sleeve shirt. My scars are clearly visible on my forearms and nobody has seen them except my best friend and girlfriend. I don’t know how my parents are going to react and I’m fucking terrified. They have no idea that I self harm. I’m just waiting for them to get home and hopefully they don’t make a big scene. I’m just so tired of hiding it Edit: So my mom saw my scars first when we were alone in the kitchen. She wanted to touch them and see them. Then she started asking me how, when, and why. I couldn't giver her the answer for the last one cause my reason is that I do it as an alternative to suicide. She started telling me a bunch of good things about myself which is great and all but I don't believe any of it. We started talking about how bad things are and how badly I just don't wanna have a future. Long story short I'm gonna get send to the hospital pretty soon. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 437,"Title: My story of rape. Text: I was raped on the stairs of my apartment building one year ago by a stranger who followed me home. To deal with this experience, I released my anger, pain, guilt and fears through art and had an exhibition back in June. I am now proud to share the digital version of the exhibition about the story of my rape. My hope is that my opening up will help encourage others to speak about the topic, make it not appear like a distant subject that only happens in movies and show other rape victims that they are definitely not alone. Unfortunately this happens more often than we would like to believe. As my perpetrator roams free, art was what has saved me from feeling complete helplessness. ✨ [http://www.theonlyonesleftinthe.world](http://www.theonlyonesleftinthe.world/) I would love to exchange stories and experiences with you. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 438,"Title: Good bye tonight Text: This is my last day on earth. Thought someome should know. My family doesn't care. Good bye and good luck everyone. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 439,"Title: Any other survivors feel unbearably explosive when a rapist celebrity dies and you have to see all of the posts deifying them? Text: I feel like I’m losing my mind over here. I will never mourn the death of a rapist or understand how ANYONE could. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 440,"Title: I haven’t cleaned my room in a year. Text: I have an autoimmune disorder that my mental health tends to follow the trends of, meaning when I’m sick more often I feel extremely depressed or anxious. I started cosmetology school last September and finished this September, but attending school really wiped out every ounce of my energy. So I haven’t cleaned my room in a year. It’s extremely bad. There’s been multiple attempts but I end up getting sick or so stressed out (to the point of cleaning one desk for 2 hours to make it perfect) that I have to make myself stop before I completely fall apart. Being in my room this dirty isn’t good for my physical or mental health either. Does anyone have any advice on how to tackle this? This is truly my biggest hurdle right now, and it feels so daunting. Part of me is so overwhelmed that I just want to throw everything I own into a donation box and just have nothing. Any advice or even encouragement is appreciated 🥺💕 thank you in advance ❤️ For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 441,"Title: I wish I could talk to somone about my feelings Text: Ever sence i was in middle school no one understood me, I was always alone and in my own corner. Everytime I talked i was scared becuse of my anxiety. This never got any better, only worse and now I'm a 21 year old loner with no friends and no social life. I wish I could talk to people just like everyone else. I wish I could be part of someone's life, like they were happy to see me and not just some shy weirdo. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 442,"Title: My partner’s ex is verbally abusive after being convicted of domestic violence Text: Partner still has to interact due to having a child with ex. I am worried they are bing re-victimized. They are living in fear of ex popping up because of what their child said the other parent told them. Ex has been recently convicted of DV and two other charges one being a felony. Where can I turn them to for support? Also, can a non contact restraining order restrict their communication even with a child between them? Any advice or insight would be helpful. They are trying to be strong and unbothered but it’s daily onslaught of verbal insults, gaslighting, shaming, and also veiled threats through their shared child. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 443,"Title: How do I help my friend Text: So my friend just told me that he was raped by an ex girl friend and I want to help him but I don’t know how For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 444,"Title: would my girlfriend be arrested? Text: If my girlfriend sat with me while I killed myself would she get charged with a crime? She hasn't encouraged me or given advice I just don't want to die alone. I have a dnr and she can call after I pass and I'll do it alone if she says no but I just want to make sure she'll be legally ok. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 445,"Title: Can PMS (Premenstrual syndrome) be a trigger word for my breakdown Text: I was always told to take a midol or that I'm on my cycle whenever I be in a fowl mood or cry too much. I struggle with depression and anxiety and my family mostly the women don't know how to comfort or show affection when that happens. So when I open up my they immediately ask "" it's you're cycle isn't it?"" And hearing those two words in certain situations I would immediately want to exit the room, cry, and throw stuff because I feeling like I'm not being heard or seen when I'm reaching for help. So is it trama or a trigger word? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 446,"Title: My best friend left mid conversation to play video games Text: To make it clear , l usually do not rant to anyone irl , almost never . My friend and l got to talking and she asked me to be brutally honest on how lm doing because she wants to help so l told her some of it and bit of how bad lm doing . She turned the conversation to herself pretty quickly and then when she asked me to open up more and l texted her she just stopped replying . She sent me a snapchat maybe 30m later showing that she is playing computer games . I deleted all the text l sent her . She probably hasnt even noticed I know l sound ungrateful but lm rarely open about anything to anyone so l feel a bit humiliated . Then she wonders why l dont open up For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 447,"Title: Goodbyeシ Text: Hopefully, this will be my last post on there. i’ve been clean for just over 6 weeks. i want to be done with cutting. Thank you all for all the support i’ve gotten from all of you. i love you. I hope to not post here again:) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 448,"Title: How to call out a Shiny Hunter. Text: Earlier today my friend came to me for help. Last November she was Sexually harrased by a smaller scale Pokemon Shiny Hunter on Instagram. After months of coping with it, she wants to call him out. There's a good possibility he has done it before and still is doing it, and by calling him out and letting his fanbase know what's he's done, my friend and I hope to put an end to this behavior. Unfortunately neither of us know how to do this. I don't know of any subreddits that deal with this, and the Pokemon discord server my friend is in doesn't allow people to talk about topics like that. What would be the best avenue of letting people know what happen? What are good places to post about it? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 449,"Title: I am a male and I was violently raped multiple times in childhood Text: My grandfather was an incestuous, serial child rapist and I was one of his victims. The first time it happened I was sleeping over and it was after bedtime. I was on the couch but got up and turned on a movie. He heard it and woke up. He told me to pull my pants down and bend over the couch. I thought he was going to beat me but, he went into the kitchen where I heard him in the cupboards. When he came back he poured oil of some kind on my backside and proceeded to rape me. He put his hands around my throat tight enough that I passed out before he was finished. When I woke up I hadn't even been moved or covered up. The pain was unreal. I stood up and walked down the hall to my cousin's room. He was sleeping soundly. I looked in my grandfather's room and him and his wife were sleeping soundly too. I thought maybe I was dead. I noticed I wasn't wearing pants at all anymore and went back to the couch to find them. I did find them but there was blood and oil in the legs. I went to grab another pair of pyjama pants from the bag my mother had packed me but realized that there was also some blood and oil on the carpet where my feet were. So I tried to clean it just in case I got blamed for it. I got blamed for most things when I was a kid. I don't remember how long I was sitting there. When I had gotten it to a point where at least the red wasn't visible I stood up and realized that it was on my legs too. I had gotten more on the carpet while sitting there. Not a whole lot but enough to be noticeable. So I cleaned that too and went into the bathroom to clean my legs. I used the toilet while I was there and there was a lot of blood. I remember thinking that I was injured and I was going to die. I didn't sleep the rest of the night and when my grandfather woke up in the morning he took me and my cousin to breakfast like nothing had happened. Sitting on the stools at the restaurant hurt so much. But I didn't say a thing. In fact, I did nothing about the whole thing. I didn't even struggle initially. Just layed there and let it happen. And I certainly didn't tell anyone after the fact. Most of the adults, and all of the men, in my life were shitty human beings and either wouldn't have believed me or outright blamed me somehow. I don't really know what my goal is for sharing this. I have noticed through counselling that it is easier for me to write out my experiences. I have not shared this with anyone else and I guess I'm hoping that typing this out where other people can see will make it easier to talk about. I can barely talk or think when I start talking about this with another person. Last time I tried my therapist stopped me because she could see the effect it had on me within the first 30 seconds of trying. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 450,"Title: Hey, how are you doing? Text: Hope you’re having a good day :) and if not, I hope it will get better soon ❤️ For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 451,"Title: There’s nothing left you can do to me Text: After - beating me - destroying my things - telling me all the time that I’m a bitch - telling me I deserved the abuse - yelling at me literally until I broke down - telling your friends and family how crazy I am Lots of women lose their job recovering from DV… I didn’t Lots of women lose faith in romantic relationships ..: i haven’t Lots of women lose their self worth and confidence…I still love myself Once the memories of you have faded away, AND THEY WILL, I’ll only have left the new strength and confidence that at this point NOTHING you or anyone does is going to take me down. But nice try ✌🏼 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 452,"Title: Needing advice about husband's alcohol use Text: I need input/strength because I can't bring myself to be honest with family. My husband drinks. He will say he is going to quit, do so and then go back to it. This has happened several times. Lately he has snuck liquor in the house. Few days ago when I wouldn't get more beer, he drove himself after small bottle. We got into argument and fought off and on. Granted, I don't know when to shut up. But I said wrong thing, he flipped and broke theTV, destroyed the chest at the end of the bed and I heard a lot of crashes in the garage. I took our toddler and ran to my parents 2 hours away. Meanwhile he takes me off credit cards. This is not first time destruction has happened. I tell him he has to get treatment if we are going to be a family. He says ""he can deal with it himself and he will stop, but I have to act like a mature woman and be a good wife on the other hand. Not be lazy, spend time on TV and phone so often. He says hasn't been this way with all his past relationships,, just me and a girl who was a lot like me.. he says I Won't go to treatment"". He asked if he got on Naltrexone and got his BIL as his ""sort of sponsor"" would that work? I said I have to see the proof of that before we come home. So far nothing has happened. What are your thoughts? Can a person quit on their own? Do you know of somebody that went back in a situation like this and it went very badly? I know what I have to do deep down, but I need some responses here to shore myself up. I have the ability to stay with parents and get a job where they live. Should I do that until he gets help? I feel ripped apart here because when he doesn't drink it is amazing and he and our toddler are sooo close. I hate ripping a child away from his father. So reddit, please give me your thoughts For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 453,"Title: I think I'm being to careless Text: I keep cutting myself in class on my wrists which tbh is probably really stupid. I think the only reason I haven't been cought again is because I really lucky that no one has reported me. The girl in maths next to me sees everytime I do it she tells her friends which is understable and my maths teacher took one of my blades which I left one the table while bleeding kinda bad and just threw it away while making eye contact with me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 454,"Title: Help me report this account Text: Hey guys. This dude was harassing my friend on Instagram and I really want to stop him from doing this to other girls. The account is: andrei.oleniuc He was trying to convince her to shoot nude and acted really rude after being rejected. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 455,"Title: I feel like I get triggered by anything that ""takes away free will"" even harmless things Text: Hi everyone, I just wanted to get this off my chest. I recently realized that I feel triggered by anything that even suggests taking away free will... I just saw a cute little drawing on Instagram where a little bear is holding up a gun to another bear and says ""Give me your heart, otherwise I will kiss you"", and the other with its hands in the air says ""yes, yes, I am all yours. Do whatever you want with me (hug, kiss, etc)"". After looking at it longer it's just meant to be cute and innocent, but, I just got upset when I first saw it. Idk how to deal with that, I don't want to see bad intentions in everything, and I don't want to ruin little cute things or jokes for those around me. It's been 2+ years since my rape btw, so it's not that fresh. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 456,"Title: The person I reported for SA/SH while in the military is trying to apply to my civilian company Text: 1 year ago I filed a SA/SH against my military supervisor. He was given an article 15 but the reason is not disclosed to me. SA/SH is still handled by command. In the past few months I have recently left the military and started my job with large civilian company. I got notifications the past 6 months from LinkedIn he was viewing my profile. I was given the advice to keep my profile and my whereabouts private. I got wind he is applying or in the process of applying to my company. I have tried to look into a restraining order but since he is not an intimate partner or even lives where I do, it won’t be issued. I’m new to the company and definitely don’t want to make waves or point myself out to HR. Is there anything I can do? My nightmare is that I see him at my work or company. We do have a union but I’m still on probation for a year. Thanks ! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 457,"Title: do you think someone should hide their fresh sh cuts? Text: my classmates has her epidermis cuts on her arm exposed. it triggers me but i dont want to make her feel bad. am i overreacting? i cant just avoid her because she’s my group mate. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 458,"Title: It’s okay to do self harm for “attention” Text: Many of us have the big fear were self harming for attention or get told we are. There’s a big stigma around this but I try to hide my cuts but sometimes I don’t sometimes I let my jacket slip a little down my arm just to see if anyone cares enough to reach out. We need help and we need someone to see us. I do this quite often but, guess what? nobody has ever brought it up and I just want someone to ask me if I’m okay. We’re all different and we all are in pain and everyone of us struggles and none of that means you’re purposely trying to get pity, sometimes you just want help For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 459,"Title: This is gonna sound really weird Text: ⚠️TW? |Blood|⚠️ Okay, does anyone else like watching blood gush out of their cuts? To me its kinda relaxing to see how the body reacts to a sharp object. It also makes me feel.. confident? Even though I'm trying my best so no one figures out im doing this. (Yet im posting this on reddit lol) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 460,"Title: i am so tired Text: random account bc i don’t want anyone i know to see i feel like all my friends have left me or used me. i’m so tired of putting all my effort into something that no one cares about. i’m just so tired all i want to do is lay down i’m tired of being here and working no one would even care if i left maybe for a week then it’s be over i feel useless For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 461,"Title: Exhausted Text: Lately I’m very tired and not seeing the point of it anymore. And I’m reaching out but feel like no one is taking it seriously. At a crossroads tonight and I think I’m going to make a decision. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 462,"Title: Fed up. Text: Sup. I don't know where to post this shit so I suppose I'll give it a shot here. I'm not gonna lie to you, I'm kind of fucked up. And by that I mean tired, chronically fatigued, lonely, aimless, bored.. almost depressed - but I'm taking an SSRI so it takes most of the edge off. For real, I'm so tired of waking up to this bullshit. I feel like driving 100 mph into a concrete block. I can't even foresee a future for a mid-20s high-school dropout like myself. I don't know what I'm doing, where I'm going and how. I've done everything I want. There's fuck all else to see, do or experience. We live, we die. The end. Peace. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 463,"Title: I know I'll kill myself soon Text: I'm tired of trying. Deep down under I know I'll commit suicide soon either by jumping from a building or jumping into a river drunk. I don't see the point of improving myself like going to the gym because I'll be dead soon. I'll tell my therapist this next week idk how he's going to react For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 464,"Title: First time I'm outside. Text: I moved into my apartment over a year ago. It's tiny, not interesting at all. BUT it has a balcony. Usually I have the blinds down, in combination with the blends I put on my balcony I usually live in darkness. For some reason I just decided to go out. It's not nice. It's cloudy, so I don't get to see any stars (it's obviously night time), just the unending void. Still it feels nice. I might get out here more often. Just sitting. Might get a telescope one day. Thanks for reading. You're a great person and I hope you'll find your destination soon. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 465,"Title: PLEASE i need help Text: how can i heal about 20 small cuts on my upper arm by next week i cut myself and completly forgot i have a major event next week and it ussaly takes my cuts 3 weeks to hal fully so what can i do to hesal them much quicker For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 466,"Title: Does Anyone Else Binge Eat Because Of Loneliness? Text: This year has been especially rough with the virus lockdowns: no concerts/conventions/festivals to look forward to, see friends WAY less, working remotely and only see coworkers via video during meetings or maybe once every 3 months. Add living alone, being single, and wearing stretchy pants into the mix...and it's no surprise I've gained 20 pounds in a year. From 167 to 188. I've had evenings of loneliness, depression, and unfulfilled sexual/physical needs. This usually leads to binge eating 3 or so nights a week: some combination of multiple frozen pizzas, a bag of popcorn, pint of ice cream, a can of Pringles, a bag of Pepperidge farm cookies, half a box of Oreos. You get the idea. The lack of romantic connection and social interaction, the anxiety of when/if the lockdowns will ever end, and just the loneliness encourage nightly trips to the grocery store just to get out of the house...followed by gorging on junk food in front of Amazon/Netflix. It's tearing me up, and my 1 or 2 day healthy days keep getting ruined by my frequent binges. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 467,"Title: well I guess this is it for me Text: I have no where to live after the 6th and don't have much money. Was supposed to start at Amazon on the 26th but I guess nvm on that since I wouldn't have a home anymore or transportation. I refuse to go to a homeless shelter or be on the streets. Just done at this point For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 468,"Title: I'm smoking cigarettes and drinking beer so that I have something to do with my hands. I lost interest in music which always been my passion. I spent the last 5 days browsing Youtube, alone in my flat with hardly any news from my surroundings. Text: I should look for a job but procrastination has taken a toll on me. My near future is uncertain and I feel unable to take responsible decisions for myself. I have to leave my flat in the end of the month. I will probably end up living at my parents again for a few months until I find something to do with my life. In November, it will be one year since I haven't been intimate with a guy and it makes me feel like I am loosing my femininity. I don't know who I am, don't know what I want, barely know how to get the things I need. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 469,"Title: possible trigger warning mention of scars! What should I do? Text: I’ve been going out with this guy for a month,it’s all been pretty good but recently he’s been wanting to get more sexual. TMI LOL BUTTT Of course I had no problem with this however I’m terrified to take my trousers off because of my self harm scars. I have no idea how he would take it I’m so worried he would think I’m a freak or something I’m just not sure what to do. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 470,"Title: Give it up, man Text: Don't need advice, just want to share my story. I (41f) had a friend named Bob. We're both amateur stand-up comics. In our community of comics, comedians put on shows and invite others to participate in them. So one day you might be someone's ""boss"" and the next week they're yours. We're all gig workers, which in the US means we have no protection against sexual harassment. Also, keeping a reputation of being easy to work with is key. One day Bob and I are dming and he hits on me. We're both married. I told him I wanted to keep things professional. We continued our conversation. A few days after, we're dming again and he flirts with me. I tell him we shouldn't message anymore, we can catch up when we see each other. Five days later he dms me again. He immediately apologizes, saying he ""forgot"". Two days later he does it again. I ended up talking to him. He was a friend and we were scheduled to be on shows together. I didn't see all the red flags. The next day I said I wasn't comfortable and I was going to block him on messenger. We could still talk on Facebook. Five days later he asks me over facebook to dm him. I did. He got inappropriate fast. I blocked him on Facebook. Then I started ""leaving"" messenger group conversations we were both in. I dropped off a show we were both on. And then he TEXTED ME! He told me I was making myself look bad by dropping off shows and out of conversations. He said I should unblock him so he could put me on his shows. I dropped off another show we were supposed to do together. I had my husband call him and tell him to stay away from me. He said he'd done nothing wrong. I started telling people, including a girlfriend who had been around comedy much longer. She said he'd done this at least twice before and raped one of the victims! Both victims had quit comedy. So I started telling everyone what he did. Most everyone believed me, most were sympathetic, but some said I was at fault for not telling him to back off sooner or more strongly. Because I had no legal recourse for his actions (no advice please, I have talked to lawyers, including the EEOC), I asked comics to stop being on his show or hiring him. Almost no one would listen. He hires for multiple shows, which means $. Also the industry is 90% male. I literally had a male friend say ""Well he doesn't make ME uncomfortable. "" It was traumatic. I've spent over 3K on therapy and I was hospitalized for 3 days with thoughts of suicide. I quit comedy and quit my enabling friends. It totally sucks. Never thought it would happen to me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","suicideideation_passive_past, sexualharassment_past" Question 471,"Title: Who to call? Text: Who do I call to protect us and get him out. Are videos and voice recordings even enough to get him out of our lives. I'm scared that even if police come they'll let him right out and then we have to deal with the aftermath and i don't want to see what that entails. He owns guns. A lot of them. its his only hobby. and he's also narcissistic and verbally abusive and has threatened physical violence and backed us into corners. and its only getting worse every day and I'm not sure if we can afford to wait to see if he leaves us on his own. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 472,"Title: I have a friend. Text: She's been depressed for a while now, since the beginning of high school.. she always showed some suicidal ideation then and we (our friend group) got super worried and told a teacher. The teacher contacted her parents who got concerned for a while and then basically forgot about it. She doesn't want to admit it, but I think her parents are emotionally abusive. They don't care about her at all and only care about her grades and she describes it as them having ""lost faith"" in her. She's had so many breakdowns after a recent parent teacher meeting, but her parents tell her that she's simply overreacting. For some background our country has a horrendous education system where the rest of your life is determined by a 3 hour exam if you pick the sciences and don't go abroad. An incredibly hard exam. Hence the academic pressure and parental abuse. She's opened up a lot more about being suicidal in the last two years and we've tried to be there for her and help her through it. Empathising and talking about it and texting and being there for her best we can. I told her to seek professional help too. She tried it but it didn't work out for her. I make sure that i text her every time i feel something is up. For the past 2 years I tried to just listen and understand and tell her I'm there if she needs me and sort of put the point across that she's not a burden. We're at the tail end of this academic year and after that it's college and she'll be free from her parents. So Ive been trying to remind her of that off late and give advice (i know, i read the FAQ it's not something i should be doing.) She messaged me out of the blue today telling me that she trusts i won't tell anyone else about this and vented to me about a lot of things and talked about just ending her life. After discussing a bit she revealed she has a date in mind... It's in two months. I reminded her that dealing with her shitty parents is almost over and told her that we can talk to the school counselor and go together and get help. But she was still iffy about it because she gets closed off emotionally when talking to people in person. I sent her a chat hotline. I didn't know these existed until I looked it up. But it's a temporary solution and i don't even know if she'll use it. Im so scared for her. I don't know what to do anymore. If there's any option, anything i can say/recommend to or do for her, please let me know. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 473,"Title: approx. 2 months until i go - need advice Text: context: 18f, 19 in 2 months, fucked up childhood, first near-attempt at 11 y/o, fucking done with it now and going to either jump and drown or jump and get hit by a train, preferably the first option. ive already planned out quite a bit, mostly the letters im gonna leave to my family and friends, the way ill die etc. i just have a few more legal questions to ask. for context i live in croatia. 1) need advice on writing a will - i dont want to leave some of my family members anything cause theyre pieces of shit, how do i make it so that they cant sue for being left out? do i just give them like a sock i own or sth so that theyre technically not left out? and can i just write ""you can decide what to do with x and y"" or do i need to specificaly write if they should keep or sell that stuff? and also can i include non-relatives/friends on my will? and what happens if i accidentally leave an item out of my will? 2) i dont really want a funeral or burial or whatever the fuck, but i know my family will insist on it. can i write somewhere in my will or sth that theyre not allowed to do a funeral? plus what are my options for burial? i dont really care that much to be honest, but i would like it if my body could be used for good purposes, ie. fertilizer for plants or medical research - how do i specify that? 3) does my family get any money if i die? i dont know how that shit works but were kinda poor and i would like for them to have something. if not ill just probably tell them to sell my shit and start a fundraizer or sth. and please for the love of fucking god DO NOT ask me if ive tried ssris or therapy or whatever other bullshit, if i didnt i wouldnt be here right now. and dont try to intevene please, if i end up in a psych ward again it would make me want to kill myself 10x more. nothing is gonna help at this point, so i want to at least make sure that after im gone my family isnt gonna have to clean up after me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 474,"Title: Has it ever gotten better? Has counselling and things ever truly helped? Text: Has any marriage survived episode(s) of violence? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 475,"Title: had to drop the case against him for my own mental health, but feeling so much guilt about it Text: I didn’t immediately go to the police, I left town for a few years to heal and when I came back, I started telling some people why I left. No one believed me. One of the people I told introduced her friend to him; he abused her too. From then, all I heard was “you need to report that! save other girls from going through what you did! It already happened to someone else!” Guilt was eating me up. The newest ex-girlfriend said she wouldn’t report him if I didn’t first. I spent 20 hours in the police station in 3 different interviews. I had to meet with solicitors and detectives. I had to tell the same stories over and over because some officers didn’t believe parts of it. Being told for two years that I was doing the right thing, saving the next person who fell in love with him secured that it broke me when I had to pull the case. The police rested it all on me, despite him having 3 “main” victims and a lot more ‘smaller incident’ victims. I was having intense stomach pain all the time. I lived in constant fear and I always felt so judged. No one knew about anyone else’s statements, only mine, so I was outcasted in the town. Yelled at, stared at, called names. He’s the charming one, I was the weird young girl who stood by his side for four years in silence. So I removed my statements, and the whole case fell apart. This was in late 2019. Whenever I see him around with a new girl, I feel horribly guilty. She won’t know until it happens to her. She can’t do a background check with the police, there’s nothing to read. As his first known victim, as his ex wife, I’m supposed to be the person that put a stop to it, but instead I put myself first. I couldn’t save his next victims from becoming that, because of my own selfishness. I feel terrible. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 476,"Title: What do I say to teachers when they ask for my self harm scars Text: # What do I say to teachers when they ask for my self harm scars (English is not my primary language pls bear with me) I'm in high school and I cant hide my self harm scars 1st its a lot on my left arm 2nd Its too humid to wear a hoodie Some people just ignore my scars but most of them ask for it and telling me that ''its bad I should not do it'', makes fun of it that its a tattoo and always looking at it if its getting more and more. I normally just brush it off since in my country, self harm is not really talked about a lot, but my problem is the teachers. Two teachers asked me about it, asking what happened. I'd normally respond to my classmates that it's nothing but when I respond to teachers my mind goes blank and I stutter a lot. My first respond to the teacher when she saw my left arm was ''It's just scars'' I didn't mean to be disrespectful since she's a new high school teacher but I just said the first thing that came into my mind. The 2nd teacher saw my right arm (which just has a few scars) and asked me what happened (she asked in front of the class), and I just told her that a cat scratched me while hiding my left arm. (pretty sure she noticed it and just ignored it since I was soo stuttery about it and it was during the exams) but yeah what's a proper response when teachers ask for your scars? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 477,"Title: Just some tips for anyone that are still in the DV relationship Text: So I was reading a post about calling 911 and “ordering pizza” when you’re in a bad situation. That won’t work a lot of the time. Most of the time, in my opinion. First of all, why would you call for a pizza in the middle of a fight/argument? And secondly, your abuser may have all of the control over your money. This is from my personal experience. If you can, hide a set of keys outside somewhere. My abuser will take mine when he’s getting crazy. I’ve resorted to hiding them in my vagina at times. He caught on to that and now I keep my keys in my shoe. There’s only one now as I don’t have a car. My vag is doing ok don’t worry. Have a spare purse/bag hidden close to the door with a few bucks, meds, etc. If you have to run out of the house at least you have something. When you need to call for help, dial the emergency number and just put it in your bra or pocket. DONT LET THEM GET YOUR PHONE. Do not hang up. Whisper as much info as possible when you can. And if youre arguing, then say whatever is happening. And say it loudly. I’ve done this too many times. Most recently was when my bf was trying to pour my blood pressure meds down the sink. I pretend that I don’t know where my keys are. I pretend that I don’t know where my phone is. Stay safe and I am happy for all of you that got out of this mess. I have so much more to say but I’m afraid that I’m breaking the rules. Stay safe, my sisters and brothers. ❤️ For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 478,"Title: Posting here cos I have noone to share my feelings with. Text: Hello everyone, I was sick this week. Only social interaction I had was with my boss to say I wouldn’t come in and a couple calls my parent’s family, who I don’t really like so much. I’m trying to decide if I’m feeling ok or if I’m feeling shit, lol. It’s an improvement from earlier when I’d definitely feel like shit. Being lonely is not always so bad after all. There’s light at the end of the tunnel guys. Hope you have a nice week coming up. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 479,"Title: Today is my birthday. No one I know acknowledged my birthday. Text: Aaa I guess life is a continuation of a series of mental breakdowns. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 480,"Title: Feeling inadequate Text: After being in my longest relationship with my abusive ex, I got back with him but ended last Tuesday. My friends keep trying to make me go out and meet someone new but I don’t feel good enough, my partner made me feel like I was such an important person who he apparently loved but would abuse. I don’t feel like anyone else could love me the same. I feel ugly and I just can’t believe if someone would tell me they liked me. The thing is I want to start a relationship where my last one left off but I get that that’s weird I just want to have that much love already so even if I did start dating I feel like I would be too intense. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 481,"Title: I get very angry at stories with noncon and rape, is that ok? Text: Pretty much what's in the title. I hate noncon or rape in stories that try to write it or spin it in such a way that it's like porn. I have friends and peers that believe this is healthy and normal, and while I've tried doing research into the topic and finding that a lot of victims use it as a way to heal and stuff. Which I think is cool for them but for me it makes me so angry and disgusted, and I just keep finding myself really angry about the whole thing, like I'm unable to see the other side of this. I don't want to use my own sexual trauma as an excuse here to shame people because I'd hate to do that, but I'm just lost. Is there anyone out there whose felt the same disgust toward these kinds of stories as me? Do you just stay away from them, or have you developed methods to understand better what these stories are talking about? Any responses would be great appreciated, thank you. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 482,"Title: Hi Guys! So i wanted to get back into competitive swimming but i have sh scars on my thighs and both my arms, so how could i hide them? Text: (im a female) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 483,"Title: Can you give me insight on how to help my daughter. Text: I am a 45 year old male and my 14 year old daughter is cutting herself. We have had a lot of stress in our family the past two years including a hospital stay for myself, a cancer diagnosis for myself and a bankruptcy for our family and Covid, don't forget that! I understand that she is in pain and I want to support her. If someone could help, what would that person do? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 484,"Title: i’m supposed to be applying to colleges Text: i don’t know what to do, i never thought of what i wanted to do with my life as a kid because i never thought i’d live to see myself graduate. now that i’m almost halfway done with my senior year in high school im supposed to be finishing up college applications but i haven’t even started. i know it’s a big accomplishment surviving this long but i still don’t see the point in it. no matter how far i get it feels like everyday is an uphill battle that i’ll never win. everyone just seems so excited about their futures and even now after so much, i don’t see myself living much longer. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 485,"Title: I don’t know what’s wrong with me Text: Crying and alone right now. I have people at school who like to talk to me and consider me their friend but I’m no one’s best friend or favorite. No one texts me first, I’m not very special. I don’t know why, what’s so bad about me. Why does no one want to spend time with me outside of school? I feel so worthless because I’ve never been in a relationship or anyones best friend For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 486,"Title: i dont want to but i feel like I have to . i feel major guilt feeling this way Text: All my life i have been dealing with my depression. it has cost me some time with deciding what career path I want to take. Ive decided to do a 180 from my degree and pursue dentistry. I have a father that believes in me and supports me through everything. I have been taking prereqs but some of the courses i have taken with my other degree which will count toward my admission. those grades are Bs and B+ but i wish i could've made them As. Pressure to get into the program is weighing down on me. I do not want to waste his money. He tells me he does not care but I do. I think about how there is a chance that i cant get into the program at all, leaving me with nothing. I don't have a backup plan. this is my backup plan and my dream. I think about hanging myself due to the fact i am unable to become successful which is what i ever wanted in life. I always wanted to feel successful and feel like I have a purpose. I really want to hang myself. I tell myself ""just give it one more year, wait till you finish the prereqs to see if you get in"" its what I'm hanging onto right now. I see photos of my fathers face when I feel like this and i start to hysterical cry. I know he would do anything for me. I can not put him through the pain of finding out I am dead. I know that would destroy him. I try my hardest to stay for him, I am in so much pain on the inside though. I feel so guilty. I cant hurt him. I cant let him feel my pain. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 487,"Title: I think I’ve reached my breaking point Text: After quitting my really good job a year ago due to mental health issues, several of them. I’m now completely broke, have a very expensive disease (T1 Diabetes, daily drugs needed) and all alone. I’ve pushed everyone away on purpose knowing I was cancer to have in their lives. About to be homeless with an at time serious disease, maybe everything has just come to its natural progression. I just wanted to vent, no needs to reply, just had to get it out. Mom I know you’ll never see this but I’m sorry, love you sorry I stunk as a son. ✌️ For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 488,"Title: I cannot work another day Text: I hate working I hate dealing with people. I hate having to pretend my job is my world and I love it and would die fighting for it. I’m tired of being told to smile more or look people in the eyes when I talk to them. I’m sick of stupid capitalism making me a slave to my job rather than my job helps me pay for things to survive. I drag my feet to this place and get hardly anything out of it. I cannot take another day of this. If I lose my job, I’m gonna kms cause there’s no way I’d survive anywhere else. I am allowed to be a little bit of an a hole but if I had to work for another retail place I would not make it. I would get fired or die. And I’m a manger so everyone sees me as some sort of high and mighty thing. I go out of my way for my workers and have cleaned up human shit on my days off so they don’t have to. I just get nothing from it. I’m tired too. I’m exhausted even. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 489,"Title: R/lonely should have meetup events Text: I know it will be awkward bad hell, but at least everyone can share something For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 490,"Title: I consider suicide every day, but I don't think i'll actually ever do it. Text: I thankfully get easily attached to new people and despite my family and school situation sucking major ass I've got some good friends sorry for posting, I was just exceptionally sad today For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 491,"Title: what am i even holding on for Text: i hate these stupid classes and this stupid school why am i here i want to die so bad. guys do not take ap classes ever or apply to college ever and the thing is i’m so fucking privileged to be in this position but i want to die so bad i don’t want to wake up anymore i know college will be better but i’m so fucking tired of senior year already and it’s only november i’m tired of living my life constantly waiting for something else. god i can’t fucking do this i want to die so bad why why why For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 492,"Title: How can I take care of my body after a violent battering session? 19F can barely move go get to a hospital Text: Some people here may have already read a post by me that dates back to the summer, and right when i was going to leave my boyfriend of one year, he decided to get clean , and swoop me off of my feet, so here i am, on our anniversary week, with bruises bigger than Canada, lost, confused and in a lot of pain. I never thought I would ever be scared by a man, i mean, my father always showed me how to to hit to hurt and run, but what can i do when the man i love has a demonic look on his face and is hitting me with a broomstick on the shoulders, face and back while i scream to please let me go. I don't know what to do, my family turned their back because i stayed with him and want nothing to do with the situation so I can't even call to have them by my side and get me to a hospital. I don't know who to call, i have a shoulder sling, a puffy face, and my neck is stuck. I don't know how to calm the pain nor how to keep him away from my life because if i have to look at his blue eyes again it will be the end of me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 493,"Title: [M4F] 22 and never dated! I'm sick and tired of being Alone! Text: I'm an attractive guy but usually overlooked because I'm shy with girls in person. I'm also the nice guy type. I'm very Kind, caring, and Sweet. If any woman needs a guy who cares please... Dm me. I'm tired of being lonley.... I want a woman to love and care for! I can open up once someone gets to know me but I'm always, always, always overlooked no matter what I do! I'm much more talkative online. My mission would be to help you and listen to you and for you with every fiber of my being. Please let me love and take care of you. This is all I want. Dm me if your interested in a someone who cares. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 494,"Title: I would take a terminal illness from someone who actually wants to live. Text: Doesn’t that make more sense, anyway? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 495,"Title: Is this workplace harassment? Text: My colleagues and I went to club recently. We were on a company trip. There were a few of us who were 30 and below except for one male colleague (41M). I was at a table with my closer female colleagues and a said male colleague. He was pushy from the get go and tried to make us drink a lot. He kept emphasising that he wanted us to become high. Feeling conscious I rejected his drinks multiple times. I stayed tipsy but my female colleagues were drunk. I vaguely remember that he was touchy with me and with them (hands on shoulders, face really close to ours). After the clubbing session, he came into my female colleague (24F) and my hotel room with the excuse of concern. As my friend was lying down, he took off and used his belt to smack her butt. Then, he beckoned me to come over and do it too. At this point I got fed up and told him to stop. Ultimately he got frustrated and left. I have to emphasise that we trusted him as he was a close and familiar colleague, everyone in my team trusts him and knew that he was with us. Hence, I thought he would never try anything funny. Today he saw me in office and waited for everyone else to leave before jumping onto me. He literally pushed his body against mine (albeit his bag was in between us). I got so scared and the PTSD from the overseas trip incident came back. I was waiting for a grab with my female colleague and she had to go. I told him to go with her as they were headed to the train station. He insisted to stay with me, despite my having told him to go multiple times. At this point I was panicking and I couldn’t bring myself to ask my female colleague to stay as she was in a rush. Eventually she left and I was alone with him. He pretended like nothing ever happened on the trip and was still joking with me. After my grab arrived, I ran in and cried all the way home. I’ve reported him to HR and they’re currently investigating. I will have to move offices as I’ve brought up that I don’t want to see him at work. It also means I won’t see my colleagues anymore. Is this the right decision? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 496,"Title: how to get over therapist leaving practice? Text: So, my therapist of three years told me she's leaving the practice on the 12th of November. I won't be able to see her before then, so today's session was our last. It was a great session and she thanked me for being an excellent patient and i thanked her for being an excellent therapist and well, we went our separate ways. The thing is, I'm super sad about not being able to see her again. She was truly an amazing therapist and we did so much work together. How do I move on with the therapeutic process knowing I have to start over with a new therapist? This happened so last minute and I'm still kind of processing everything... For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 497,"Title: What's it going to take Text: I swear I wish I could pay someone to end my life 20k? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 498,"Title: If you met my rapist Text: If you met my rapist, you'd think he was sweet, funny and nerdy. You'd think he was awkward but cute, that he was smart and talented with a lot of potential. You'd think that he was a brave survivor of bullying at school and he was kind and sensitive because of it. You'd think he was a good guy, I know he's a rapist. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 499,"Title: Feel like shit as I don't feel like I get on with my Uni Flatmates Text: Sup So long story short I don't feel like I'm getting on with my flat mates, they all seemed to of clicked but for me at least I havent. About a week and a half into moving in i had a brief few days where I was depressed (ongoing previous issues) which I kept to myself but let them know about, but since then I felt like the outsider of the group somewhat. Like now if we're all in the same room I'm probably the last anyone will talk to, even a girl who is doing the same course as me won't really speak to me unless it's urgent or its like just us two, even then its like brief. When I got out my depression slump I went back to my normal self tried talking more etc doing jokes which went well, but two days ago four of us (Theres like 9 in total in the flat) went to a restaurant but the whole time they didn't really speak to me unless it's like a one word answer or something, they were more interested in talking to eachother which I can't argue with as again they're closer friends so they open up to each other where as they don't to me. I spoke to one of my flat mates about it previously as I wanted to ask if I upset anyone etc, she said to her anyway she doesn't think there's any issue at all and that me feeling not liked wasnt the case, but I still can't help shake this feeling honestly. Since our night out I've been a bit more reserved to my flat mates as again I didnt feel fully welcome so I got demotivated, which prob set me back a bit getting close to them. How can I avoid getting demotivated over this? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 500,"Title: I need to jump Text: I wanna jump so fkn badly, i need to. I'm such a loser no I'm a slave a yes man so stupid saying yes to everyone i wanna kill myself im behind and I'm just fooling myself, yet again i literally don't even trust my choices anymore as i always make the stupid choice anyways, which choice is the wrong one this time? Give life another chance work hard and not disappoint myself again or just kill myself this time. Well if i kill myself then there is nothing more to it so even if it is a mistake it will be my last and that's why I'm doing it For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 501,"Title: I got better but I want to feel despair again Text: _This is a rant/vent._ Today is Thursday. The last two weeks have been very, very bad, culminating in a really bad Tuesday (two days ago). I don't know what was happening on that day, but my thoughts were too much, too many, too loud. They were not even thoughts I could understand. For the first time, I took the on-demand antipsychotic which was prescribed to me for these situations. Since then, I've had bad spells, but overall I'm a lot more stable, like a ""positive"" emptiness almost. But I hate this feeling. I want to feel the utter hopelessness again. I want to feel the despair again. I want to feel negative emptiness. Instead, my thoughts are racing, not negatively though, I can't focus on my work (as usual), I'm procrastinating heavily, I am somewhat agitated and feel a bit belligerent. But I do not feel the comfortable sadness. I hate it. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 502,"Title: Not Sure Anymore Text: I told my therapist I felt powerless recently n no matter what I do I'll never be able to do what I want. She didn't understand n asked me to explain, but after I did she didn't have a clear answer for me. I told her that no matter how well off I am or how high I rise in a career, I'll never be able to have the option of doing nothing. If I choose to stagnate, I starve to death. If I choose to avoid bills, I go to jail. I can't even go without a car in this country and it's wearing down at a rate I can barely afford. I went into college originally to be an animator but it dropped my GPA so hard that I went into history instead. I'm good at that, and my grades are high and have piqued my professors from time to time, but it still doesn't fulfill me like art did. Now my biggest issue is being versed in history and knowing it's always been like this. I can't just exist n survive without rejecting the people around me or subjecting myself to frontier living. I asked her how to overcome this feeling of powerlessness, but she just says ""that's part of getting older"" as if I'm a child learning what taxes are for the first time. I'm getting to a point where I think it's easier just to remove myself from the equation than to fight against a broken system. Because I'm trying to immigrate, I'm trying therapy (2+ years of weekly sessions), and no matter which way I look at it that factor never changes. People push the status quo, their lives grow worse, they get tired, they fix things, their kids grow complacent, the whole cycle repeats. The difference now is we've inhabited a dying planet, we're on the brink of a global economic crash, and our infrastructure (at least in America) can't support it's own citizens, leaving many to die from the elements or starvation, when we have enough resources to help them. I've had to spend the past 2 years studying the worst of humanity's deeds and reading some of the most deplorable acts of cruelty ever conducted. I'm tired and I just want this to end. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 503,"Title: Respect others Text: I'm reading a book and i think that would be intresting for other lonely ppl too. I wanna explain it with a story of mine. Someone ghosted me (i know most of u exprienced it) when i shared it with others and asked for advice, all start with ""he is nasty person, unrespected you, i don't like guys like that, they are stupid, lost you... and so on"". They ignored a fire of hateness in me, i want to fuck the guy, i hated him, cried every night why it happened to me, i didn't say anything wrong.... that was so painful. These feeling made me send crazy msgs, ... ignoring them by him made me criezeir. In this book i read if a person unrespected you give respect them and tell what you want in a respect way. Be calm never scream to them. I know it's hard and always you say ""aftart what he did me, no way! Why should i?"" But realy it would work. As i told my sister she respond with a example of her friend, she told one of girls always was calm and tell what she wanted in very calm way, so the person listen to her and it's like surprise for the person. They couldn't any way to scape of her. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 504,"Title: ran out of meds, will have seizure Text: I take a certain anxiety med and my dose just went up, due to some law in my state they won't refill it. It's only a matter of days before I'll feel like leaving this place again This is literally why my sister jumped For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 505,"Title: I contracted herpes when I was raped. Text: I was raped about 3-4 years ago. Days later I found out I was also unfortunate enough to be diagnosed with herpes. I’m doing alright with coping, however every time I see jokes about it I get extremely triggered. Really wish this wasn’t still so stigmatized, and I also wish I had the confidence to correct people.. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 506,"Title: Cops don’t believe me Text: A couple of days ago I finally worked up the courage to call the police on my childrens father after he beat me up really bad. This is the worst he’s ever done. He dragged me throughout the house, pointed a gun to my head, and choked me until the point where I honestly thought I was going to die I could not breath AT ALL!! He hit me just about everywhere he could and slammed me on the ground multiple times. I called the police and he lied and said that all he did was push me and I initiated the fight. It definitely sounded like they took his side because he had scratch marks all on his arms from me trying to get him off of me when he choking me. They basically said that because I surprisingly had no bruises on me then it was hard to believe. Keep in mind I have evidence from last year of him beating me that I recorded. Although I know it probably won’t stand a chance in court. And he also attacked me when I called 911 which I know they should have a recording of. They even mentioned taking me to jail because he was the only one with marks. Tomorrow I’m going to the hospital to see if I have any internal damage to help my case against him because it seems like no one even cares about what this man did to me. My entire body is sore. It hurts to eat and swallow. My face and neck hurts so bad. It even hurts to sit down. I really want to get him out in prison but idk if I even have a chance at winning due to lack of evidence. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 507,"Title: You were right. It only got worse Text: I posted here a few weeks ago, asking for advice as a newly married couple. It only gets worse. This time he slammed my head into the window while he was driving, said horrible unspeakable things, called me a cunt, a stupid fuckinf bitch and every horrific thing in the book. He proceeded to grab me by my neck, and push me as hard as he physically could into the door. I don’t know what to do. In my culture it’s unacceptable to divorce. I love him with my whole heart but I’ve married a monster. I’m in physical pain. I need someone to talk to, I can’t tell anyone in real life For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 508,"Title: okay so finally have a method i think will work Text: Okay so that's jumping off 40-50 meters (aproxx147 feet) building okay so idk if this will kill me but if i try then I'm gonna be fucked if it doesn't but rn i don't even have the courage to do it how can I get the courage? And will I die if i actually do it? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 509,"Title: i’m just embracing my unhealthy coping methods Text: (edit: i think i should have titled this “a weird way to try and recover” lol) i already have ugly skin, the only person i’m directly hurting is myself, and i don’t go deep enough to need stitches. (it will already take thousands of dollars to remove the scars anyways lol) so why even bother trying to quit anymore? nobody can physically stop me either!! i have nothing to lose and everything to gain. honestly it feels so freeing knowing i can cut without any consequences whatsoever and if people start getting nosy all i have to do is lie! i don’t really want to stop anyway, i just want to stop feeling miserable and self harm just happens to help with that. maybe giving myself full control over this will EVENTUALLY make me want to do it less!!! kind of like how when you make candy easily accessible for kids, after time they’ll stop seeing it as a special treat and won’t go for it as often if that makes sense? i am truly awful at explaining things but that’s the best example i could come up with. and if it doesn't, oh well!! death is always an option For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 510,"Title: My brother told me to go kill myself and I’m about to buy a gun Text: I’m about to buy a rifle I haven’t been happy for a whole fucking year now For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 511,"Title: getting worse Text: i’ve always had some way to hurt myself, whether it’s hitting myself, pulling my hair out and more. finally, i’ve resorted to cutting and the first few days were little cat scratches but now it’s to the point every time i cut, it gets worse and worse. finally starting to draw blood and everytime there’s more. i start therapy tomorrow, hopefully it helps? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 512,"Title: Am I so hard to love? Text: I am 23 F,Is it really annoying that I just want someone to talk to,to care for.I have so much affection to give,I can’t find men who actually want to get to know me,actually care for me.Wherever I try to talk to people everyone looks for just sex,casual sex,no commitment.I am not judging anyone but all I want is to be in love,stay happy and not feel so damn alone.I am trying to work on myself but nobody really loves me or gives a shit.I am going through a big disease and I don’t even have friends who really care.Never felt this lonely in my entire life. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 513,"Title: how do i cover up sh scars pls help Text: i have to give blood tomorrow, someone please help me lmao. i have makeup to cover it up but im just unsure. i didnt know until a day before For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 514,"Title: 20F. I don't feel enough to be someone's partner. I think I would be a horrible girlfriend Text: Well, this is something that I really want to get off my chest, I think, to have a boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, a person by your side lol .I think you should at least have some stability in your life, I'm not going to deny it, I liked the fairy tale story of a couple who would come to save you and help you, but to be honest. Living that ""Fairy Tale"" is something very unrealistic I've never had any stability in my life, and I don't understand what I want, or where I'm going, in any sense I understand what I want and I think having a partner would just drag him into a hole with me.And I really don't want to do that, I mean, I don't see the point of dragging someone into a hole of ""I don't know what I want,"" and having that person in a limbo of instability in every way. It hurts, because if there have been people that I have liked, and I may have tried it with someone but, it would only have gone wrong, as much as I wanted that relationship Even for the few people who, for some reason, have a liking in me, I simply said no flatly, I want to stop feeling like this I want to stop feeling like a black hole of not knowing.What I want and to be able to have a stable relationship... Imagine For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 515,"Title: it’s 2020, can we stop asking victims why they stayed in abusive relationships? Text: i shouldn’t have to justify it. i shouldn’t have to say he had a gun. i shouldn’t have to explain WHY i’m scared. why i didn’t do anything when he kicked his dogs. why i didn’t stop him from hurting animals. why i didn’t walk away. why i didn’t speak up. why i let him do X Y Z. why i didn’t leave when he assaulted me. i don’t owe that. i don’t have to justify why. i shouldn’t have to explain anything. it shouldn’t matter he had a gun. any reason i didn’t leave was my own fucking one. i hate it. i hate everything. people don’t understand. how can they? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 516,"Title: I'm too scared to die... Text: ...But I WANT to die. I mean,fucking politicians want me dead(via nuke war ofc) so Idk why I'm so scared of dying. Everyone dies in the end and at least I get to die on MY terms...Idk why I can't come to terms with shit like this. Times like these I wish I could erase peoples memories of me so that when I die,they won't feel a thing and move on with their lives. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 517,"Title: Can anyone assess the situation ? pls Text: So my sister and her husband has been married for more than 30 years , she was married at the age of 18 and after few years started being abused by her husband . Her husband being a govt employee has a nice salary and he sure is plutomaniac . She went to complained about her being abused and so as to unemployee him but was stopped by multiple times by saying she has some mental issues . Still he sopped physical abuse and was now continuing with mental torture ,does hard talk and rude behavious with his own 3 sons .He maintains a nice guy facade and shows my sister as the unpleasent one . Now at this age , being the mother of 3 sons who are in middle of their education ,her husband has abolished her and sons from their house , taken away all wealth . Also threatened her to take his own life if she dares to make a move. ​ What step should she make ? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 518,"Title: Guess who feels invalid because hes a man who self harmes, this guy 👌👌 Text: Fuck me 🤡 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 519,"Title: feel like relapsing Text: i want to do it so bad i cant even put it into words but i really dont want to relapse ive gone so long without doing it and i seriously dont even know what to do, like does anyone have any realistic sh alternatives?? or like anything i could do/watch? like i dont even know whats causing this its all just come out of no where and i jus dont know what to do, ive just felt this anger and pressure the past week and its all built up today For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 520,"Title: I want to write a shit-list of everyone who’s ever raped me so other women can avoid them because the cops won’t/can’t do anything Text: Basically what the title said. My ex only got 4 years for raping multiple women & there was undeniable (video) proof, they were unconscious and he only got 4 years. So there is zero chance anything will be done about anyone else. Is there some sort of website where we can warn each other ? Since so few rapists go to jail. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 521,"Title: Wanna chat? Text: I'm a 29 year old dude. My hobbies include gaming, horror movies, anime. Feel free to dm me if your up for it. I can assure you that I'm a real person. Won't solicit or be a creep. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 522,"Title: I can not do my Suicide the way i want to do it and it makes me realy angry Text: I will be tomorrow 20 since i am 15 i want to realy kill myself, but my dream suicide is shooting myself in the mouth with a shotgun slug or buckshot. Thanks to the gun law in my country i can not do, i mean like thanks for letting my suffer in my useless life you filthy politicians. I am so jealous to you in the usa for the fact that you can always shot yourself, wenn life sucks. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 523,"Title: I need your opinions Text: My sister has been touched by her best friends boyfriend. her best friend doesn’t believe her and is calling her a slut. I want to help my sister, I know she was harassed by that motherfucker. I don’t trust my father. He is trash too. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 524,"Title: I was just raped about 10 Hours Ago Text: My friend and i were having fun, my neighbourhood hosted a communal Party, with drinks, and a DJ, etc we had a lot of fun, some guy kept starring at us, he then came up we talked and started kissing us several times, at first we were weirded out but then just made along since we were so out of it, after a while we had to go on the Loo, and it's close to the playground, when we finished we wanted to go on the swings, but we noticed he followed us, we then just walked off, then there was dead end street, where some kind of construction was happening, an excavator was there and some wooden planks, i remember even saying to her ""Oh god if we walk to that dead end we're gonna get raped LOL"" Jokingly, we were just playing on a little sand hill, afterwards we got closer to the wooden planks then he just bent me over i was just confused i thought he was just being silly, my friend was standing a bit further away looking at something, i don't know what, then he started pulling down my underwear and pants i was so drunk i just was like ""no no no no no"" very much in a drunk voice, he then pulled out his penis and rubbed it against me, i was trying to move away from that situation but grabbed me very aggresively i have bruises all over my hips legs and ass, he then tried to penetrate me but i wasn't relaxed just tense trying to walk away, he was trying to have anal sex, i just kept trying to move away i was too drunk i was just babbling something i cant even remember, my friend thought he was just grinding me with clothes on and thought we were having fun ( It was very very very dark a moonless night with no street lamps in sight he then spit on me and yeah constantly tried entering me, he eventually did, i was so shocked for a moment ( im 20 i never had sex before ) i was just screaming of pain not very loudly i was just very confused and out of it, i was so baffled that he was doing that , he started hammering my whole body against these wooden planks for like 10 minutes or so my friend tried to intervene but he told her to fuck off and go away, she was even more drunk than i was she was sitting on the sand hill at first when she heard me, she was confused and panicky, she tried several times to intervene, she didn't want to wander off and leave me alone, my friend called her brother for help, he kept hammering me on these wooden planks, i was in pain still groaning he then just finished inside of me and left me there, i stood up and pushed him over he fell on his back, i was angry, i couldn't believe what had happened, then we just walked off to meet her brother, i can barely remember the rest i just walked home to my mum and got to bed, next morning i noticed all the Semen dripping out of me, i'm just still in shock and can't believe what had happened i feel disgusted, violated and just like i should've done more to prevent this situation... For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_ongoing Question 525,"Title: Has anyone ever been to a DV shelter? What are they like? Text: I’m really scared to go to one, but I don’t know how much longer I can take this. How bad are they? Are the people nice? Do they help with job placement? Any personal experiences are greatly appreciated, good or bad, I’m just terrified right now. Thank you. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 526,"Title: I'm so sick and tired of not having any meaningful friendships. Someone else talk to me Text: Ive always been alone cause no one wants to talk to me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 527,"Title: You are all awesome Text: Idk just felt like saying that For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 528,"Title: I just want to hold someone's hand Text: The only thing i have are the distractions i make for myself just Imagining hugging someone it's all i do just having them there i want it so badly to love someone im just empty and im so close people are everywhere all i have to do is say something but i can't i suck i have everything the only problem is me because i fucking suck i take everything for granted, ive had so many chances i don't even try i want to fucking die but i don't even deserve that it's only going to get worse from here so i might as well fuck myself over now to save myself the time For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 529,"Title: So let me get this straight...I have to do this for another 50+ years? Text: So let me get this straight: I never asked to be born, but I was. I was born in a shit city and grew up in shit neighborhoods. Still here, still causing mental issues. I was born with serious mental issues that caused me to harm people when I was younger. Never felt human at all or at least not for too long. Could never ground myself and always fantasized about leaving for another world. Ah, also unintelligent, going through school with poor grades, school fucked me up and causes my dreams to be themed around it nearly *every night.* Yet, people think I can make it through college. For some reason almost always irritable around family and tired of being constantly asked to do things, just want to be left alone. People have this romanticized view of me and contradict the truth that I'm evil and mean-hearted and deserve death. No matter how determined I am and how much I build myself up, I can't escape it. Pathetic, unless, unreliable, and a child in their mid-twenties. Pandemic has taught me how crazy it can drive you to be the house with people all the time. But I realize this just proves even more how mean I am. Considering who and what I am, my family would be lying if they say they wouldn't be better off. Who wouldn't reasonably trade not having to deal with that anymore? Or even for something better. Humanity can't seem to accept that some people really are not meant for this and a self-inflicted death would be a positive. But they'd rather shame, guilt, belittle, patronize, and spite you into living...because that is the reasonable way to do it... For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 530,"Title: I won't make it another week. Text: Just needed to say it. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 531,"Title: I went on a walk in my neighborhood and I was followed by 3 late teenage boys I’ve never been so scared. Text: I thought I was going to be raped again. They kept talking about the things they where going to do to me. I finally lost them and came home shaking and crying. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","sexualharassment_ongoing, rape_past" Question 532,"Title: Rape with an age difference Text: Was anyone raped by someone older who used their age and experience against you? I was raped at 19 and my rapist was 30. I’m 30 now and looking back, that’s such a huge gap; 19 is still considered a late adolescent in spite of its legality. Has anyone experienced rape in which the age difference gave them power? I felt like I had to do what he said because he was older. The fact that he was older messed me up and gave me this fear of older adults because I feel like they’re trying to manipulate me. What do you think about the age difference and its impact? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 533,"Title: Hey! You! Get Off of my cloud! Text: Get off of my cloud For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 534,"Title: The man who kept me as his sex slave for a week was finally sent to prison after over 2 years Text: I got home today and there was a letter in the mail from the department of corrections. I was scared at first thinking my stepdad got arrested for something stupid since he’s pretty hotheaded, but my mom opened it and she seemed shocked about something. She wanted to read it to me slow and draw it out, but I was worried then and snatched it because I thought it was something bad. It was a letter saying that the man who kidnapped me, drugged me, and raped me repeatedly for a week violated his probation so he would have to serve 48 months in prison. Not jail, but actual prison. I finally have some closure to this. He originally took a plea deal and pleaded guilty to using a two-way communication device for illegal purposes, and got off on any sexual assault charges even though I was a minor (there were technicalities, he didn’t rape me until he moved me across state lines where the age of consent was 16), and the courts didn’t see it as rape because I had originally agreed to go with him and didn’t make any escape attempts, but only because he kept me in a drugged state the entire time and I really had nowhere to go. I had nothing, not even clothes unless he wanted to show me off to his friends which he did a couple times. He made sure that I could never fight back by choking me until I almost passed out, then when I needed air he would make me breathe inhalant drugs so that I just went entirely limp. I still have nightmares. But I think I can finally have some closure. He’s receiving the punishment he deserves, and I hope he never sees the outside of the prison again. Someone who would reduce a child to nothing more than a sex toy deserves to rot for the lifetime of pain he’s caused me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 535,"Title: lf a friend?¿ Text: so im 17f, i have friends to yk have a casual talk with but most if the time when im bored and wanted to talk to them i just cant seem to start conversations bc im not sure what to say,, i usually start conversations w/ them by asking abt our hws / org works and just a simple hi hello and how r u talks,, other than that i also dont wanna disturb them cus they might be busy or something, so here i am idk looking for someone to have a chat with?? idk what things or stuffs we'll talk abt just anything will do ,, this is also my way to practice my socializing skills?? kidding aside! i genuinely want to meet new and cool people and maybe become online buddies?? :DD im also bored and cant sleep so ye a nice late night chat might help to pass time til i fall asleep :) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 536,"Title: I just want to love and be loved. Someone who would fight for me even when I don’t believe in myself Text: People never even see me For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 537,"Title: what to do? Text: Yesterday when I went home a men approached me. He asked if I can speak English which I can a little bit. I first thought he needed help with something. But he immediately asked where I live and what my name is. That got me reasonable uncomfortable so I started heading home hoping he would get the hint and leave me alone. Nope, he followed me and asked if I would be interested in fucking him in broken English. I understood enough so I tried to give him a hint I'm not interested in him because he's a completely stranger and I'm definitely way younger than him (I'm 18 and he looked 30ish) But he keeps insisting because it would feel good and he would give me a good time. At this point I became somewhat afraid because he's still following me and I didn't know how to ask for help without him getting violent. I also didn't wanted him to know where I live because of the safety of my family. So I started walking around to find someone who could atleast help me. I felt more on edge eventually and started lying that I have a partner already and I'm loyal etc but he keeps insisting. Eventually I became more firm and telling him I want to be alone and it worked somewhat. I told mt goodbyes and stated speedwalking home. Then he started calling out to me again so once I was out of sight I ran home. I feel Ashamed now thinking about it. I hate how weak I felt and I don't know what I should do now For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 538,"Title: need help Text: was cutting a lot before, got on anti depressants, started going gym, now work a full time job - but after a couple months clean ive relapsed again and ive been doing it past few nights. not even really feeling that down just kind of wanted to do it... can anyone else relate? im not sure if its to do with seeing the scars fading, but just want to see cuts again. ​ would love to know if people can relate For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 539,"Title: I’ve never had a best friend or a girlfriend. I’m 21 years old. Text: I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong anymore. I’ve had friends I’ve talked to but it’s been nothing but surface level. I rarely hung out with anybody outside of school when I was going through high school. I would consider myself to be a friendly person, I’ve never been angry with anyone besides kindergarten. Though I think the reason for this is because in high school I was the “fat kid” and I was the butt of all jokes in the group and got called fatass unironically. Things are still the same nowadays though even though I shed the weight and got fit, I still become the punching bag in every social group, it’s funny because I don’t even talk much either unless needed to. I’m not bothered by it just because I was fucked with all through out school though and endured way worse. I just feel like I’ve never been close to anybody, i never get invited to things going on outside of work for example. I’ve shared laughs with coworkers and I believe I have a positive relationship with them but I was the only one not invited to go hang out for lunch the other day. Maybe im socially awkward somehow? I have no fucking idea. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 540,"Title: Advice on trying to be intimate again after PTSD from SA? Text: TW: SA/Rape & PTSD. I (F20) have been in a relationship for the past 2 years with my amazing partner. Early this year I was raped by two people and it has made the past year absolutely horrible for me in every way possible. My girlfriend has stuck through it with me, helping me with everything and anything I could ever ask for. She's truly gotten me through it all, so there's no problem whatsoever when it comes to our relationship. We're very healthy, and we help each other grow daily. I'm currently back in therapy (have been for the past 1.5 months) and talking about it makes me want to crawl up into a ball and cry. (I have been through so much shit in my life and have always turned it around into something better, so I feel as if I've let myself down by not doing something grand and big such as sharing my SA story or something.) I don't mind telling my story, I'm so numb to it that I feel like at this point I'm just telling someone a movie plot. However, in therapy or on a deeper level I just can't. I have super bad PTSD, I haven't been able to go back to the apartment complex that it happened at, I can't eat/smell certain foods that I ate during the week of my rape kit, and I still cannot get myself to go to my in. person classes in fear that either of them will be on campus. (which is impossible, thankfully they both transferred) Anyways, I was wondering if anyone could share some advice or exercises to do that could help me and my partner get intimate again in a positive way. She's genuinely the best I've ever had, and I love every second of it when we have been intimate before my SA. We've been intimate since my SA, but I've fallen back into a regression period that has made it hard for me to feel sexy and wanting sex without feeling dirty, disgusting, or used. My girlfriend has tried to buy me things that make me feel sexy but even putting them on makes me feel horrible about myself. I do get turned on, but I never want to do anything about it. I'm super extremely sex positive, Im literally in school to be a sex therapist & help others deal through their own trauma & fix the current sex ed curriculum. So I don't know why it's so hard for me to take my own advice with sex positivity. Please do share what you can. I feel so alone and don't know what to do. I'm currently wanting to be intimate with my partner but feel sick to my stomach just thinking about actually being physical. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 541,"Title: So.... it happend! i got a date Text: I don't know how, but after seeing this girl a few times now. And me and her throwing a few not so suble hints, i asked her out. And she said yes. I went against my anxiety, fears and insecureties and just said: ""Fuck it, now or never"" Hopefully it won't stay at just the first date Update: She cancelled and isn't talking to me anymore Someone else, same story: Managed to actually schedule a date, she agreed. Never showed up. I'll just go and cry again For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 542,"Title: A small rant, I guess. Oh, and I love my coworkers. Text: Part 1: [trouble ](https://www.reddit.com/r/SexualHarassment/comments/he50lt/this_customer_has_been_making_me_really/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) So here's part 2. The problem faded for a couple months, but now he's back and he's still mad at me and shift leader. I work with my mom, and she took his order since he's been coming inside (in hopes of not dealing with us???) and my mom told me the first thing he asked her was ""have those two quit yet?"" I swear. I don't look at him whenever he comes in. My shift leader stares him down every time he comes in now, and I find it rather funny. He's getting a taste of his own medicine- see how he likes it. Not fun, right? Lol. And I think shift leader's really close to saying something to him... again. She's trying now to make him look bad in front of the rest of our crew; I don't mind it at all. I'm pretty well-liked among my coworkers and she's making sure they help her protect me. I love all of them lol, they're great people. I dont really care what she does to get him to stay away, as long as it doesnt get her fired. After all, he thinks we're the problem, and he couldnt be more wrong. I myself have not spoken one ill word to him, yet he's mad because he knows he cant keep staring at me and calling me honey or darling anymore. Learning to keep it in his pants could've saved him a lot of trouble. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 543,"Title: Seeking support cause I can’t speak to anyone Text: I’ve been married 2.5 years. When we were dating before he was really kind at first and then yes he started showing his true colors. He becomes a completely different person when he is angry like his body starts convulsing and shaking and he says and does the most horrid things. He first started throwing things at me, TV remote water bottle - and I spoke to his parents about it and they just brushed it off. After we got married - I’ve been hit maybe 5 times… not strangled or slapped but like pushed to the ground. Manhandled kicked and pinched until my mid section bruised. I can’t speak to anyone at all about this… I have no place to vent and if anything no one will believe that my husband is capable because to everyone else he’s the most fun most charismatic guy… I have told him I won’t tolerate it but he did it again. We are traveling right now and he pushed me to the ground in the club and dragged me by my hair outside yelling and cursing at me.. so many people told him to stop but he didn’t. What do I do? I have no support. I just want to make him realize I’m a good wife… For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 544,"Title: I wore short sleeves today Text: Yea. I wore short sleeves for the first time. A friend came over and we were planning on playing table tennis. I asked him if it was warm outside and if I should wear short sleeves, he said yes so I changed my tshirt to a short sleeve one. My friend didnt know about my self harm, he pointed at my arm and asked what happened, I went quiet for a few seconds so he said that its ok if I dont want to talk about it. <3 <3 Yea so we played some table tennis and had a great time c: It still felt a bit awkward wearing short sleeves but it was great c: (Edit, what on eath! 390 upvotes and 6 awards?! Tysmm uwu) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 545,"Title: Advice for a friend Text: I have a friend who’s partner is verbally abusive to her and he often smokes weed or drinks and drives with her in the car. How should we approach our friend about his behaviour? Has anyone experienced this before and what did you do for your friend? Was anyone told by their friends about their abusive partner and how did you respond? We want to tell her so she’s safe but don’t want to alienate ourselves from her. Grateful for any help! Thank you. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 546,"Title: 40 never had a girlfriend or a date or a hookup, Text: Title says it all For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 547,"Title: Just a question Text: I don’t cut very deep, I barely get past the 1st layer of skin, so I don’t see anything like fat tissue, more like a skin deep cut, but consistently I get a headache, weakness (almost just flopped on the floor out of tiredness), and always feeling cold no matter if I’m wearing a hoodie under a blanket like I am now. This all happens between 1-5 days after doing it. This time was the worst, I felt like I was really about to pass out about an hour after doing it. I’m aware of this happening to people that cut deep but why me? I shouldn’t be nearly blacking out from a skin deep cut with no infections. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 548,"Title: I want to kill myself Text: We just defense our title defense this week and my sem break is about to start next week I thought I can finally take because I just finished my school work early but No my uncle keep saying that I should stop cursing the kid dude that kid I keep throwing toys at me while im having an exam that's why I keeping cursing at the kid they didn't know I been stress in my school next week ago they didn't care about my hard work all I want is a quiet place so I can kill myself For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 549,"Title: would I be able to get a restraining order against my twin sisters abusive boyfriend (who is a police officer)? Text: I’m not sure if this is the right community for my situation, so i’m sorry if it’s not or this post isn’t allowed here. I can’t go into extreme detail, but my twin sister is in an abusive relationship and her boyfriend hates me. he hates me because i’ve told her to get away from him and leave him on multiple occasions. yesterday she finally worked up the courage to break up with him, and it didn’t end well. he showed up at their house while we were going to grab her things, and screamed in my face about how i’m a terrible person and to get the fuck out of his house. my sister ended up staying with him, but i am afraid of him. he has never threatened me personally, but he is a violent person. he knows where i live, and he is also a police officer so i’m worried about him abusing his power to get back at me for trying to take my sister away from him. would i be able to get a restraining order against him? does it make any difference since he is a police officer? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 550,"Title: Covering up around flatmates Text: Living in a uni flat, theres only 3 of us. I'm tired of having to put jumpers on even when I'm sweating. My cuts are mostly healed now, just some red lines and tiny scabs. With fresh cuts i would obviously put bandages/plasters over. I'm on a waiting list for help anyway, so its not like I'm afraid of them trying to report me or anything. Is it a good idea or should i just melt in my jumpers? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 551,"Title: Pack of cigarettes Text: I was raped 2 years ago by my friends SO, it was late one night and i got a phone call from my friends SO asking me to get him a pack of cigs and that hed give me gas money for the struggle, so i get dressed and drive out and bring him a pack of cigs. When i get there he closed and locked the door behind me, i didnt think anything about it at first cause it was past midnight, kept telling myself alot of people lock their doors at night, i hand him the pack of cigs and he laid them on the kitchen counter and then lunged at me, i managed to fight him off a few mins, at this point we are in his livingroom and the bathroom and theres a couch between me and him. Thats when i noticed all the pics of him and my friend were all turned backwards and that he planned this out. Well he managed to flip the couch on its back and had me pinned between the the flipped couch and bathroom, thats when he grabbed me, pulled me down over the flipped over couch and raped me. When he was done i went to walk to the door just praying that hell let me leave and he gets up as im opening the door closes it with one arm above my head and hands me a $10 bill for gas and said if my friend found out hed kill me, kill my family, kill my dogs then burn my house down. I didnt tell anyone for 18months, not even friends with the girl anymore (dont know if she ever found out about her SO raping me). Lately ive been thinking about this alot and trying not to, things i could have done differently. I shouldnt have gone there but i didnt think my friends SO would do that to me. I should have gotten a rape kit done but was scared. I found out 6 months after he raped me he also assulted another woman and was arrested found guilty.. Then covid hit, they released alot of inmates to help keep covid numbers low.. Hes a free man now 2 yrs unsupervised probation. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 552,"Title: Is this bad? Text: Everytime i get angry i want to hurt myself in any physical way i can. For example, bang my head into a wall/desk or just hit myself, but I'm too afraid to because i know i will start crying. I'm just scared to sh in general, i dont want my mom to notice it ans and yell at me for it. Is this bad? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 553,"Title: I called 988 so often they know my voice, and I know which operators are nice/nasty Text: I have a more honest relationship with the anymous crisis line people than anyone in my life becasue they are the only non conditional relationship I have. Even my therapist will drop me as a client if I am too honest. People will stop talking to me.My job will fire me. No one wants a desperately lonely, lost person. I can't take isolation. I can't take being fake everyday I'm tired of being critiqued by people who neither care about nor understand me. I find myself struggling to relate to people in my life more and more, and can't seem to form more than surface level friendships. Shit. All I want is empathy. I dont want to be preached at, blamed, labeled, told who I am/how to live my life. I feel like I'm going to rip my hair out and scream. I'm so tired of life. I'm weary. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 554,"Title: I finally reached my breaking point. Text: I’m proud of what I did, and I have no shame in admitting it was planned. My ex got in my face about a week ago and wrestled me out of my bed then pinned me down until I started crying and begging him to stop. He’s done much worse but I was fed up being bullied and warned him not to put his hands on me anymore. He asked me “what are you gonna do?” I shrugged my shoulders and he left it alone. A few days go by and he screams at me for something stupid (he told me to do something and thought I didn’t do it but I did). I scream back at him then he gets in my face and smacks my phone out of my hand. I tell him to stop bullying me and he leaves to go take a shower, but right before he got to the bathroom he muttered “I’ll beat your ass”. That is what triggered me, how nonchalantly he said it like it was the easiest thing in the world for him. I started crying and put on clothes to go outside to call the police. I knew he wouldn’t get arrested for what he did because there were no marks on me or anything but I wanted to start building a case against him so I could have proof when I evicted him. Well it turns out he already had a warrant for his arrest so me calling the police resulted in him going to jail after all. While he was in custody I filed a protective order against him with the help of SafeNest, and that protective order also served as an eviction notice. So he can’t come back here, he’s on house arrest now and he has nowhere else to go but I don’t care. 🥰 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 555,"Title: Its my birthday!!! 🥳🥳 Text: So yeah its 12:18am and its officially my birthday!! I havent cut myself in 9 days (fitting since my bday is 9/9) I spoke to one of my teachers at school and he contacted the rest of my teachers to work together to help reduce my work so I can cope better with my depression!!! I'm 17 today and feeling a bit better lately. Hoping it isn't temporary bliss. Positive! Yay! EDIT: Just woke up to SO many messages. THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH THIS IS THE BEST BIRTHDAY I COULD ASK FOR I LOVE YOU ALL BLESS YOUR SOULS 🥺🥺🥺❤❤❤ For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 556,"Title: Thank you Text: I just found this thread today and I really needed it. I almost ended it all but you all made me feel way less alone, thank you. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_past Question 557,"Title: What is the loneliest thing you've ever done? Text: Just curious For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 558,"Title: I blocked one of my two only friends and don’t remotely regret it. Text: We met online, typical. We played games and would call often and slowly over a week she just stopped contacting me. Everytime it’s a “I swear we will talk tomorrow” or “I’m sorry I couldn’t sleep so I’m gonna take a nap”. Which I’m fine with. The problem is she is not loyal or remotely empowered. I even joined her midsession during a game, and she completely ignored me. So I confronted her. At first she denied everything and then just said “I’m vv sorry”. I blocked her at that point. No more nonsense to constantly wait for something to never happen. Sure, that knocks have my social life away, but I’m happy with it. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 559,"Title: relapsed Text: I just feel so hopeless and worthless and alone and like I can't cope I'm not good enough for anyone or anything or even myself I know cutting doesn't help but I did it anyway and I wanna tell people i feel so shit I've started cutting again but I don't know how For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 560,"Title: I called the police on my husband Text: My husband and I have been married for about 8 years. Our relationship has not been great for years. It usually started with a small argument, then escalated to him yelling and smashing things. He would abuse my dogs whenever we argue (He knows my dogs are everything to me). We’ve talked about this for so many times and each time, I asked for a divorce. He always refused and said he was going to change. But yesterday, he was grabbing me by my arms and neck, trying to push me to the ground. He was yelling and threatening to kill my dogs. I had no choice but to call the police. He got arrested. The police told me that I can ask for a longer term protection order. But I hesitate to do it, because it might ruin his future. His immigration paperwork is pending, and I’m the one who petitioned for him. I know getting out of this relationship before it gets worse is the best option. But at the same time, I don’t want to cause him any more trouble. I just want to get out, and live my life in peace. There are some financial situations that I need to figure out too. We shared the rent, gym membership, and other stuff. The rent is the most important thing because I now have to pay double. I just wanted ask those who left an abusive relationship, how are things? Is everything better now? How did you take care of things that you shared with your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 561,"Title: Plz plz help me Text: I’m jayakodi from Salem, Tamilnadu India. I have been harassed by my husband family for past 12 years.I am currently dependent on my husband. This month things have gone very bad. He stopped supporting completely as he’s demanding divorce. I don’t have father or any one to help. With the help of police they are harassing me badly. Plz ma’am I beg u plz help me to fight for my right. I have two kids. We belong to upper middle class family but I’m treated like a slave by his family. I myself saw his lawyer bribing the SI TO scold me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 562,"Title: 10 days Text: My birthday is in 10 days. I think that's when I'll do it. I've been in psych hospitals, seen therapists, been on so many meds over the last 15 years. Nothing helps. I'm just done. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 563,"Title: Hypersexuality got me abused again, people blame me for it Text: My hypersexuality from my molestation caused me to ""date"" a 20 something year old as a child, and overall he messed me up ​ I started talking about it on twitter as a form of activism against child abuse, but really all it did was show me that most people want to blame me for what happened..... ​ Why? Well its a hard question to answer the question, its because I was attracted to the idea of those types of....""relationships"" and got into one, that being my ex and me, who was older, and abusive sexually and furthered my hypersexuality and sexual issues ​ I feel really horrible, even my own mom looks down at me for what happened ​ Does anyone else experience this? ​ **EDIT:** LMAO wholesome award For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",childabuse_endangerment_past Question 564,"Title: Plan, said my goodbyes Text: Took my kids to the match this weekend. Last full family event. Planned 2 weeks ago. Watched my daughter do gymnastics today. Made a family classic dinner. Helped my son with school work. Tucked them both in. Squeezed them close with hugs. Told them I love them one more time. Told them I was proud of them and remember they are important. Went to the store picked up shit to make look like nothing is wrong. Rubbed my wife’s for the last time. Had ice cream and jerky. I am done. Weeks of plans is paying off. I had a 3 day rule. Passed 3 days. Have the pills lined up. This time I am taking them all. They will fry my brain and kill my already dying kidneys. This my note. Will be deleting email to this account and stop the vpn tunnel. No path to find me. Posting now in an hour seeing if I still feel the same. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 565,"Title: I am so done Text: This is a vent post. This is the last straw i (13 f) dont know whats even the point of getting out of bed anymore. I just realized that my family is a mess. My mom and dad are fighting almost every half a hour. My mom sleeps on the fucking couch for fucks sake. Why am i so stupid? My older sibling and me are suicidal self harmers with depression and more mental problems that you can count on all my fingers and toes combined. And my 3 little siblings are on the same road as me and my sister. My rooms a mess if fucking stinks and the floor is covered in clothes. For fucks sake i wanted to die at kindergarten age why am i suprised that im such a mess. I relapsed Im sh again my older sibling is sh too.and im such a fucking people pleaser I was ready to berate myself in front of my mom just so she wouldn't feel like she raised me bad. Im sick of playing happy family when in realty my parents scream at my siblings when they do something wrong and almost dont give any physical affection. My mother said im her favorite but the only reason why, is that I remind her of herself I have spoken loudly about my mental problems and found out she had some like mine. I just dont understand why have 5 kids if you cant give them the time of your life. I got in a school one of the best in my country but i dont even have the motivation to learn anymore. Im in music school and i cant even unpack my instrument most of the time I wake up at 6 in the morning get ready get to school it starts at 8 in the morning then i have school til 14,30 after that i go to music school and at home i am 19.00-20.00 and then i do my homework after procrastinating for a hour then i sleep for about 4-6 h and the same cycle again. My sister is gay and i am gay but my dad is homophobic not talking about his absolute bitch of a mother. And i burned the cookies i worked on for one and a half hour. the only reason i keep living is because i dont wana traumatize my siblings or classmates. I have huge attachment issues im scared of telling anyone about my problems and opening up. And when i open up to people i cant let them go Im so scared that someone will leave me I just wanna live in a fantasy where i get hugs and my family doesn't argue with each other so much and they are protective of me . I wish i wanted to live. I wish i found the guts to tell all of this to my parents but im scared that they will guilt trip me into the ""no everythings fine everything is my fault"". I wish i didnt want to sleep and never wake up. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 566,"Title: 3 day BPD episode, homeless and abandoned Text: Today I’m going to finally follow through with what I’ve threatened all my friends and family. Goodbye. Life is in fractals For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 567,"Title: Has anyone been abused by random? Text: I regretfully took videos this last time and I can't get the image of his dead eyes picking me up by the scalp and throwing me into a corner, then kicking me while I'm down. Like he wasn't angry, he wasn't upset. His eyes looked like a dead robot just completing a task. Why? He's supposed to love me? He's never done this before. He is usually verbal, angry, upset. We usually argue before he hurts me. This time I just came home completly blindsided. Why? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 568,"Title: How do people do it? Text: How do people work, raise families, care for their loved ones and kids, parents . I can barely take care of my own self, I’m just wondering how people do it, adulthood is so much responsibility . For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 569,"Title: Please help me understand this I’m begging you Text: Make 16. So a part of our school program is working a job in a grocery store. So when I was at work one day there was this girl same age as me who I was working with. I asked her something in my native language and she looked nervous and said she didn’t speak my language. By her accent I immediately realized she was a Ukrainian refugee. I excused my self and went into the bathroom and I had to take a deep breath so I don’t breakdown. I used to be a anti west person just for the sake of “being different” and to “stand out from the crowd”. I realized how wrong I was and I felt so guilty. I was always being so egotistical and formed dumb opinions forgetting that the people in Ukraine are ACTUAL HUMANS. Now the confusing part Ever since this happened I became obsessed with this girl. And I mean absolutely OBSESSED. Like I walk into school and I can’t help but to look around try to find her. I have dreams about her. And just for clarification: I never thought about her sexually. Or something in that manner. More like I feel sorry for her and wanna make her life better and be her friend. The problem is I don’t speak her language so I can’t do any of that but I’m already learning a bit Russian (Russian is most Ukrainians first language) Please help me understand this because i feel like crying when thinking about her and it’s just sad to me and I never felt this way about anyone. And this is a person i never really spoke to just that one sentence For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 570,"Title: My dad saw a cut. Text: Just an hour ago my dad opened my door to ask me something. Then he saw a cut on my left leg because my pant leg wasn't pulled down all the way. and ask what is that. I gave him a stupid lie. He said ""I'm not stupid. I thought you quit that shit."" and closed the door and left. So yeah I'm really mad at myself right now. I really thought i would hide this from my parents way longer than this. My legs look really fucking bad and i can just see my mom and dad's shock and disgust already. Over the past 26 days i gave myself around 154 cuts on my legs, hips, and belly. A lot of the cuts bled really badly. I'm not depress or anything. I don't want has gotten into me make me start this again. I did more damage in 26 days than i have in all of 6th, 7th, and 8th grade. There's some stuff i wanted to say further but i kinda forgot what it was just now. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 571,"Title: Need some help and advice as well to find a place to live and start all over.. Text: I’m not new to Reddit just can’t remember my password to my old account.. anyway I’m a 36 year old blk male and I just got out a crazy relationship and now I’m all alone. I don’t have a mother (passed away) or family members to run back to or friends who I can trust to help me, my so called best friend I had Slept with my girl and the other good one who sticks to my side can’t help me at all.. my other family/friends pretty much disowned me for making that choice of being with the woman who did me wrong and some other friends feel that I chose this woman over them and no longer answer my calls.. I was dumb and fell in love waaayyyy too fast. I made some bad choices last 5 years and I completely regret it.. anyway I don’t wanna make this too long but I’ve had a hard time dealing with that and my depression was kicking my ass and having me wanting to take my life.. after trying to pep talk myself into not doing anything stupid I’ve decided I want to start my life all over again, meet new people, continue working and working hard on myself by getting counseling but I want to start completely over.. I have a car and enough money to travel but I need help, maybe a roommate, maybe if anyone knows someone renting a room, maybe someone has property to rent for cheap, advice on where I can go and drive and sleep in my car peacefully and still be able to work till I get my own place.. idk if I’m making any sense but I just want to completely disappear from few people and start all over again in a brand new city.. anywhere in Florida I am down to give it one last shot.. currently I am in plant city. Thanks in advance. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_past Question 572,"Title: I just ordered fent overnight shipping Text: I have no one to talk to or anything. I just want to say goodbye. It should be here day after it's shipped so hopefully Tuesday. Idk how to tell my gf even though she pretty much hates me rn. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 573,"Title: Did I sexually harass someone/ what can I do to help Text: Hi everyone, Not sure how to start with this. I have never felt so bad about anything in my entire life. Last Halloween I went out to a party and a mutual friend of mine was there. For context, she explicitly said that she was attracted to me in the past and we had been talking on and off, but she knew I was talking to another girl as well. Anyways we got chatting and ended up playing beer pong together. During the game, I proceeded to put my arm around her waist and I started to touch her sensually around her back and butt. I looked at her and she seemed like she was totally fine with it. I never in a million years thought that she was uncomfortable. If I did I would have stopped immediately Eventually I knew it was wrong because I liked the other girl I was talking to so I stopped and we finished the game and I left the party. A couple weeks later I made things exclusive with the girl I left the party for. I remained friends with the girl I played beer pong at the party with. Fast forward to now. And women on my campus are stepping up and talking about how they had been sexually assaulted. This included the girl I played beer pong with at the party. She posted (without using my name) on social media that one of her friends had been grabbing her butt playing beer pong and that she was very uncomfortable. She then proceeded to say that I did it while my “girlfriend” was there, meaning the girl I left the party for and eventually dated. So I am not sure why she said that when my girlfriend to be wasn’t even there and we weren’t dating at the time. I immediately felt so terrible and apologized to her instantly. She said that she forgave me but that we probably couldn’t be alone together. I have never felt to bad about a situation like this before. I guess my question is that would this be qualified as sexual assault? I thought the situation was 100 percent consensual when it happened, but now I feel so terrible that I made someone feel like that, as if I got any push back I would have stopped. And what can do to help for fix this. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 574,"Title: Is anybody being harassed at their current job? Text: Trying to understand whether this is happening in other industries - not just Hollywood and politics - and what kind of harassment it is. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 575,"Title: I can't even imagine being okay Text: I know people say fake it until you make it and I've tired that but I'm not making it lol. I can even imagine living past this year much less making it without self harm? I just feel so alone all the time and ik there are people who care but I just feel... So alone? and sad and pathetic and a let down and I'm never gonna get anywhere. I want to go inside and cut but if I do than im like 90% positive it wouldn't end well so I'm just sitting in my car sobbing my eyes out and biting myself. I just don't want to be alive and it's terrifying to think that I will have to continue feeling this way if I stay here? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 576,"Title: only thing that stopping me is funeral/cremation cost for my family Text: I just knpw they better off without, I am useless in everyway. My mom is currently recovering from shoulder surgery and has a throat surgery coming up for a small like tumor. We live in the bay area and its expensive. My brother the only real bread winner atm, thinking about just picking up any job and saving up like 5 grand for them to bury me For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 577,"Title: Need help helping myself (Aus) Text: So recently, my only friend told me that I was draining and a burden because of my mental illness. Admittedly I was relying on them too much in hopes of finally having support and not have to do this alone. It’s not fair to them and they asked me to chill with that which I’m going to do. I need help with resources (preferably things like YouTube or self help books that aren’t boring but at this point I’ll take anything), and tips/advice on how to heal on my own. I’ve got an appointment to get a therapist very soon too. I’ve only been diagnosed with depression and anxiety but I’ve got a lot of other issues that aren’t covered by just those (in the same vein as CPTSD, ADHD, autism or BPD, not that I have any of those just the symptoms fit closely). If you need more details for stuff just ask and I’ll elaborate. Sorry if this is all a mess as well I am writing very emotionally so I’m not checking anything. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 578,"Title: I feel like I'm in limbo Text: Hey, the though of ending it is calming to me but nothing I want to do, i juat feel like I'm stuck in a never ending loop of wanting to do something and feeling someone will be sad. My life been like a roller coaster specially recently. I've lost 3 family members in a short period of time and now my girlfriend wanted a break for her own mental state. And I just well feel lost, these thoughts are scary yet calming. I just don't know what to do I feel so uncomfortable like I have a pulsating thing in my chest. I just feel kinda stuck rn. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 579,"Title: im not happy anymore Text: Will getting help actually help me? Im slowly turning dark. My birthday passed already and looking forward for my future in a bright light. But all of a sudden a few weeks ago, I dont see it anymore. Sure, I, still do the things I need to do. But, I just dont to exist anymore. My back ache, I feel tired even when I had a good sleep, getting along with friends and families. I just it wasnt feeling it. I wanna cry, but I cant haha For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 580,"Title: I think my husband needs serious mental help and I don’t know what to do. Text: Tw: addiction, suicidal ideation I (28f) have been with my husband (30m) off and on since we were in grade school. We got married a few years ago and things have not been easy. He struggles with alcoholism but has been sober for over a year now. With that being said, his mental health has really been struggling. He has various therapies and is on medication as well as addiction counseling. I always can sense when things are going to downhill. He will become very irritable. Then he will become full of rage. He will become paranoid that I hate him and everyone hates him. After that, he becomes severely depressed and lacks all motivation and feels like he is useless and doesn’t want to be alive anymore. He will feel like he just wants to give up on everything. This can go on for many months, and it usually spirals in that order. Our marriage is struggling. Conversations circulate with denial, guilt trips, or deflection and placing blame on me. I have been begging him to get help for a while now. If I even try to give him an ultimatum to get help or leave, he will then just pretend everything is fine and that he needs to just suck it up. I have no idea what to do. I have 2 children previously, 10m, 6m, and we have our newborn. My oldest and middle also have mental health struggles and are in therapies and are both neurodivergent. I have my own mental health struggles. I feel like I’m drowning. I have no idea what to do. Something has got to give. I feel so alone and overwhelmed. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 581,"Title: Confused and looking for advice Text: So, to make a long story short, my mom will grope me (F16) and my sister (F12). She hardly grabs our crotch, but she grabs our ass and boobs. She’s in her 50’s and although we tell her to stop, she continues to do this weekly. She says she’s doing it just to annoy and get a reaction out of us. Does this count as sexual harassment? Am I being overly dramatic? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","sexualharassment_ongoing, childabuse_endangerment_ongoing" Question 582,"Title: I am confused about something that happened when I was younger. Is this sexual assault? Text: I’m sorry for asking, I have nowhere else to ask and I feel like I’m crazy bc this has affected me so much, and I have been told it doesn’t count as assault by a friend. When I was 18, I was pretty naive and looking to make quick money. My friend introduced me to “cuddling,” for cash, and she said it was super safe and did not involve anything sexual with the guys. Like strictly just talking and non-sexual touch. I met with one of her regular guys, and he agreed upfront to nothing sexual. He led me to the back of his house and into a walk in closet with a mattress. At this point I was scared and I wanted to leave, but I was too awkward to say never mind and go. He immediately gets on top of me when I lay down, and starts kissing me. I laugh it off and say “nothing sexual remember?” He stops kissing me for a bit and then starts grinding on me again and then starts again with the kissing. I don’t know why I didn’t push him off, I was just kind of shocked and I didn’t want to risk Making him angry so I kind of went along with it. He stuck his fingers in my butt when he rolled under me (I had shorts on though) and I said stop then, and he just went “why are you so tense.” I told him again I said nothing sexual, and he just kept going anyway with the kissing and feeling my body. He kept whispering “it’s not sexual, it’s just human contact- human connection. At one point, he got up, said wait here, and came back with lube. He then grabbed my hand, and jerked himself off with it. After he finished, he kicked me out and that was the end of it. I felt incredibly sick and dirty, and I told my friend what had happened. She apologized, but she said I was being dramatic about it. Idk if it was assault or not because I did tell him to stop, and that nothing sexual was going to happen, but he did it anyway. And I didn’t tell him more firmly or just get up and leave and that makes me feel like such a stupid little whore. I don’t respect my body, and I haven’t been intimate with anyone since it’s happened. I don’t think I can ever tell anyone this because I am too ashamed to talk about something that was mostly my fault. Was this assault? And how can I move past the fear either way? Thank you if you have read this far, it means a lot. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 583,"Title: what happens when you report it? Text: So it happened last weekend, i got the forensics done so they will have his DNA hopefully and also pictures of the damage that was caused. i haven’t reported it yet and i’m terrified to but i’d hate for him to do it to anyone else. i’ve been told what would happen but if anyone has any first hand experience in reporting it and what the process is it’d be good to know so i can prepare. for reference i’m in england For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_ongoing Question 584,"Title: Distancing from your best friend makes me feel very lonely Text: I'm someone who has lots of friends, never really deemed a 'popular' person but im very chatty and seem to make a lot of friends. However at this time I don't have many close friends that I feel an emotional connection with. It makes me feel so lonely. I had a best friend but she's distanced a lot from me, she probably still considers us best friends but we aren't as close as we used to, ik this sounds jealous, but she spends all her time with her gf, that'd be OK if her gf wasn't in our friend group, I never get much time with just her tell my life too. She doesn't tell me her about the goings on in her life either but that's OK for her since she has her gf tell her things. I have no one on the other hand :( I don't even crave a partner just close friends lol. I cant even really bring it up to her because she gets do defensive. Last week I was crying all night over this and I spilt this all out to her how I felt she disregards my emotions and various different things she had done to show me she didn't care, and how I feel so so lonely atm, and she responded really defensively, but said she would change. However she did do some things to change like purposefully going out with me once which I appreciated and I put off plans with other friends for that, however even that was only two hours lol. she still distances from me, she was supposed to come with me for my septum piercing. however a few days later (not directly) mentioned she booked tickets with her gf to go on a day trip w her gf, and that was the only day I could get my zeptum, I'm going to go by myself now, but it just hurts how she has totally forgot about going with me to get a septum piercing and ik this is Pety but I'm hurt. it just hurts how im going through so much atm and shes not there for me much, however when she needed help throughout the past year I was always always there for her, no matter what, I helped her through so much, and all I ask for is to be loved and I can't get that. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 585,"Title: people are f*cking evil Text: So f*cking evil i want to leave this planet asap For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 586,"Title: You are all amazing Text: I’ve been reading these stories on this subreddit after finding it. I’ve never been a sexual assault victim, but one of my closest friends was raped by a family member when she was a child. I just want to say that you are all so strong and it’s incredible what you have overcome. I wish there was more awareness about this, as there’s so many of you. I’m so, so sorry about what you’ve been through and it just breaks my heart. But you are all so amazing and resilient, you’ve overcome something absolutely awful and it’s so admiral. Not everyone can do something so incredible. So, before this gets long, I just want to say my heart goes out to you guys and I hope you’re all okay ❤️ For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 587,"Title: Does anybody else feel childish for sh-ing? Text: I relapsed semi recently after years of being clean. the last time I cut before this I was in early high school, now I'm an adult and I'm doing it semi daily. idk it just kind of makes me feel stupid and immature. like if anyone found out I would be mortified. I'm only 19 tho so idk idk. I didn't go to college just got a job straight out of hs so I feel like I should be more mature than this. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 588,"Title: WATCH OUT FOR u/joeyerixonxxx Text: watch out for this disgusting human. He is active on r/ rapefantasies and PM me to see if I needed ""to talk"" after I made a post about my sexual assault. watch out for u/joeyerixonxxx For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 589,"Title: Why do I still think of her Text: Why do I still think of my ex. She cheated on me and went with the guy that she cheated on me with. I hate her and him and I think of her at least once every day. Seems like some days it’s all I think about. It’s been 6 months since the betrayal and it still torments me. I have no idea why I can’t just not think ab her. Can someone please help me For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 590,"Title: Am I being Financially Abused? Text: I (21, F) moved in with my current boyfriend (25) after a couple months of knowing him. We met in November 2021 and I moved in January. I was trying to escape my previous relationship. When I first moved in he didn’t expect me to pay any bills regarding the apartment, and I wouldn’t let me pay for meals and little things. There have been other little issues with him expecting me to do all the cleaning, making comments about removing/ covering my tattoo he doesn’t like, and trying to convince me not to get more tattoos/ piercings and not hanging out with my friends as much. He doesn’t usually try to actually stop me from doing those things though, so my main concern is the finances right now. A few months ago, he had some trouble with his car. It was in the shop for about a month and a half. He had to rent a car for most of it, and he borrowed my car for a bit. I don’t know the exact number, but I know he accumulated quite a bit of debt because of it. He had to start a new job, and he started asking me to help with the bills. I don’t mind helping at all, but he is never straight forward about how much he needs or when he needs it. He’ll just call me or tell me he needs $500 or $300 within the next few hours for bills. Last month, I came home from work, and he told me he needed me to pay the power bill right that second. It was $130, so not the worst he’s asked me for. He saved my card to the account though. This month, he claimed he paid the power bill, but they never took the money from his account and charged him with a late fee. A few days later, he asked me to call him after work because he messed up. He told me he accidentally charged my card for the power bill and asked if it was okay. However, that was on Saturday, and the money wasn’t pulled from my account until Wednesday. That would’ve been over a week after he claimed he had originally paid it himself. I have easily given him $930 in “bills” alone, not including all the food I’ve had to buy for him. There have been other little incidents involving money, but that’s the big stuff. All my friends are telling me that it’s not right and I should move out. I’m worried I’m reading too much into it because it doesn’t exactly fit what i’ve read about financial abuse. I still have access to my money, I have my job even though he complains about how much I work, but I have no actual security with my money. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 591,"Title: If I don’t reach out no one speaks to me. Text: I’m the first person to start conversations with everyone in my life except for my mom and some close family members. I know not everyone has close family and I am so grateful for them but a lot of times I don’t feel like I have friends. If I don’t start a conversation literally no one talks to me, and the friends I do have I constantly feel like it’s only a matter of time before they realize how boring I am and stop speaking to me completely. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 592,"Title: They keep releasing her attacker. Text: I have a friend who’s ex bf broke her nose(by smashing her face in a glass table)she was knocked out. She got a order of protection, but he still showed up at her house 2 weeks ago with a knife. Now they are releasing him again on Friday. I don’t understand why he isn’t getting longer jail time. She doesn’t have a lawyer. She can’t afford one. How can I help her? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 593,"Title: I lost my well paying job yesterday Text: Earlier this year, I was caught up in a sting operation. There were no charges ever filed and I was never convicted of anything related to that incident. However, this incident has haunted me at every job I have had since and I just recently as of Thursday lost yet another job because of that past incident. I was making good money and performing well at my job too, but companies do not want to associate with me because of it. I really don't know what to do at this point. Do I just remain a bum and stay on disability the rest of my life? It is a huge shame because I am a software developer and very talented and smart in what I do. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 594,"Title: How do you deal with the shaming and victim blaming? Text: My ex is now detained with a 2.5 million dollar bail, our local DA understands that his release on bail would be detrimental to my safety which is why it’s so high. Thursday nights are typically the nights my 13 month old will stay with his parents overnight as I work and won’t make it back in time for my ex to leave for work (now he’s gone anyway). Since he was arrested yesterday, they have put up walls towards me and even texted me last night telling me they wouldn’t take their own granddaughter anymore. Wth!? Needless to say, I got the classic “Why didn’t you just leave? It didn’t need to come like this.” “you need to move out quickly.” “You were just talking about going away as a family!” Zero attempts to understand where the f I’m coming from and why I had him arrested. They will, without a doubt, get him the best lawyer money can buy for his now 4 or 5th new charge in the last two years. Mind you, I was VERY close with these people. They had asked me before that if something happens, go to them not the police. I’ve done that and they blame me for “going back.” Is there any reasoning to get these people to realize IM NOT THE BAD GUY?! I am so hurt, especially for my daughter who adores them. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 595,"Title: One part of being lonely is I have no story to tell. The story of my life is just me existing one day at a time . Text: Nothing interesting has happened . It’s easy to get lost in the boredom the surrounds me constantly . It feels like I have no purpose as well . Just some friends will help in making life more purposeful . For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 596,"Title: blocked Text: I finally blocked my rapist that's my ex from the last post I posted I don't feel free or better. but it's what my therapist said to do...I feel bad I miss him? fuck I'm terrible For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 597,"Title: I (M/17) want to get diagnosed and I don't know where. Please help me Text: I'm from Romania and I've been keen on getting an actual diagnosis. I moved out to a new city alone with my father and my school has been making me visit the school psychiatrist monthly, but it's going nowhere. I don't know where to go or what to do to visit or doctor of some sorts in order to get diagnosed, because I'm aware that (obviously) there's stuff wrong with me. I just wanna know what it is :)). I'm completely lost about it since I've been kept away from doctors most of my life. I also really don't want to have my father around me for any of this, but I acknowledge the fact that I'm a minor is a really big problem. I also obviously lack the money Please help me with this, I genuinely don't know where to start or where to go or who to talk to. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 598,"Title: my mind is sabotaging my happiness Text: does this happen to anyone else? so many helpful tips on how to deal with depression is distracting yourself with doing things you enjoy. whenever I do, like watching a movie/show for example, I will slowly start ignoring my sadness and find myself enjoying the moment. but once my mind becomes aware of it, it purposely tries to stop any happiness I’m currently experiencing. I’ll be in the middle of watching a show and my mind will go, ‘oh I see you’re trying to forget how sad you usually are. here are all the things you’re usually depressed about. think about them all in this moment and stress over them’. I can’t even try and distract my depression because it feels like my mind won’t let me. I don’t feel like I’m in control of myself anymore. please tell me I’m not the only one who constantly goes through this? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 599,"Title: My boyfriend choked me. Is it ever an isolated incident? Text: Last Labor Day Weekend (so, nearly a year ago) my boyfriend became upset with me for drinking too much and for talking to him when he was trying to fall asleep. He mounted me and choked me while I was laying on my back. I was defenseless. He let go after about five seconds. The next day, he said that he had never behaved violently in a relationship before, and that I brought that side of him out. He didn’t apologize. In fact, the conversation ended with a lecture re: I should drink less. We’ve had five or six loud arguments since. I’m still angry about the choking incident, he wants me to stop bringing it up. I’ve said many hurtful things which I later came to regret. Is it possible that this was a one-time outburst? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 600,"Title: was this sexual harrasment Text: Hi, I just realized my grandfather might once sexually harassed me when i was 7-9, but I'm not sure if it is sexual assault. I was sleeping over at his apartment and he said at evening that he read news that sleeping without underwear was better for your health, or something. I said ok because I was tired of arguing with him about news he read. Well that night we were sleeping his king-size bed and i was sleeping on the edge. He rolled over, put his hand over me so his hand was touching my chest and he tried to spoon me. I pushed him away but he kept coming to my side. I told him that he was making me uncomfortable. After many trues I pushed him away and finally he stayed away. It made me very uncomfortable because i was sleeping w just shirt on and my butt was shoving. I don't know if this is sexual harrasment or am I over reacting. I got sexually harassed when I was 14 at the school by my best friend at the time. I just know what he did was very wrong and it traumatized me and i haven't never heald from that. Please tell me, was this sexual harrasment? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","sexualharassment_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 601,"Title: How to hide cuts? Text: How do you hide self harm cuts? They are on my thighs, usually shorts go over them because they are kinda high, but I'm worried about when I'm in the shower or if my shirts come up, etc. My parents sometimes walk in on me showering and sometimes my shorts come up a bit (not sure if they come up high enough to see cuts). Any tips or advice? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 602,"Title: running away and suicide seem like my only option r/suicidewatch Text: my mental health has gotten so bad it’s hindering my way of living. i’ve become a genuine waste of space. i’m literally just living because i am unfortunately alive. i can’t take my life being so meaningless anymore. getting pregnant with my daughter gave me a little hope, but now i just feel like a piece of shit mother for bringing a child into the world knowing i shouldn’t even be here because i can’t take care of myself, let alone her!! i want to start my life over, completely. and that’s not an option for me. having no way out of this pit of misery except for working my life away and killing myself physically in the process just doesn’t seem worth it. lately nothing seems worth it… For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 603,"Title: Triggered by news article Text: Just saw a news article about how my local hospital turned away a rape victim. Our healthcare system is shit. I was lucky that I got a good nurse for my rape kit. This poor woman was further traumatised. I'm so upset. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 604,"Title: I’m lucky tho Text: A year ago I had a boyfriend who: - beat me regularly - verbally abused me - gaslighted me - trashed my car regularly - broke my nice things in anger fits (including my work computer) - didn’t work (lived off of me) - openly hit on my friends and family and honestly either already cheated on me or was about to And I WOULD HAVE STAYED WITH HIM FOR A LONG TIME if he was a tiny bit less of an asshole. But that was then and now I wouldnt go near him with a ten foot pool. Good riddance. ❤️‍🩹 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 605,"Title: No, I don't look ""great"", mom. Text: I just wish people could be honest man. I mean, I get how hard it must be to accept your child is an ugly outcast loser, so you have to convince yourself really hard that he's some kind of an introverted model. Today I looked myself in the mirror for the first time in like two months. And man, do I look horrible. Aged skin, like I'm 90, and not 20. Balding (pulled half of my hair out last year), big ass nose, bags under eyes, thinning hair. Like... it's all downhill. There's objectively not a single good thing about how I look. And yet, I hear this ""look at yourself, pretty"" facade all the time. I'm not stupid, I knew I was ugly a long time ago. It's just, everytime I hope something will magically change it. And people lying doesn't help it. If anything, it makes it worse when reality hits. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 606,"Title: HEY Text: anyone interested to talk to me For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 607,"Title: Exploitation by someone i thought was my friend Text: TW - online harassment I (23F) found out yesterday that someone I had known for 8 years (24M) and considered my friend had been anonymously posting my private instagram photos to pornographic sub reddits with horrifyingly demeaning captions. He called me his sister and wrote that he was pimping me out for all the men in those groups. These 4 photos just show me posing in swimsuits and sarees. To find out that someone I trusted, someone who went out of his way to reassure me when random men creeped on me in the street, someone who was a vocal feminist could be so exploitative was a massive shock. I’m so traumatized and don’t know what to do. I figured out who he is by reading his comments and history on Reddit, but I have no incriminating proof to confront him with. What do I do? (Btw I found out because he linked my private account in one of the comments and another anonymous Reddit user DMed me to let me know this was taking place) this has been going on for months apparently. I’m so lost and cried all night. I have Covid right now too so I’m feeling very sick as well as miserable and don’t have the mental space to process anything. I live in a city that’s unsafe for women, where men stare at me in the street no matter how I dress. This is one of my worst phobias come true. Please let me know any of your suggestions as to how I should deal with this. I’ve reported all posts and messaged the Mods of the pages but that’s only a temporary solution. Thank you in advance. Tldr- someone I thought was my friend shared my instagram posts to pornographic sub-Reddits. I’m traumatized. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 608,"Title: update: gonna attempt again and succeed this time Text: i was able to convince the nurses that i'm completely over suicide because of how physically painful this attempt was (see previous post), and i pretended to have a sudden epiphany about how great life is and how i have passions i want to pursue and i regret attempting, etc. the doc has no concerns over my physical state and he said i got extremely lucky for having only been underwater for a very short amount of time, so i should be free to go tomorrow. once i get home, i'm finally gonna be able to say goodbye. thanks for being nice in my previous post. i appreciate the time you took to comment. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 609,"Title: i've never hated myself more Text: i found out i have to pay all this money over destroying someone's property. it was an accident and i wasn't thinking. the person has made me so angry for years and years and i just snapped. now it's hundreds of dollars down the drain because i am so stupid. if i could go back and react differently then i would. unfortunately i can't control myself and react appropriately to people continuing to treat me like dirt. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 610,"Title: I wanna die so bad my stomach and chest physically hurt Text: Might do it this weekend. I can't take this For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 611,"Title: Clearly I'm Crazy Text: I outted a friend for sexually harassing me and he convinced everyone I'm mentally unstable. I lost 90% of my friends, including my bestie. Gee it's fun to be a woman. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 612,"Title: Drug-raped by coworker, nobody believes me… Text: About a month ago I met up with a coworker and got really fcking high. It was my first time smoking and had far too much weed. It made me really sick, I think it may have been laced. I was coherent but making nonsense decisions like walking home then leaving my home then puking then talking trash. He knew I was really fucked up and still had sex with me, he finished inside me without any protection, let me fall asleep, then wanted more. When I told him I was too tired he carried on going until he couldn’t finish and climbed off. He didn’t want me to leave in the morning and tried to physically stop me. I had a rape kit done, I reported it to the police. They told me that it was on me because I took the drugs voluntarily and decided to cheat on my fiancé and have closed my case. I told my work place, they have chosen to take his side because our accounts of the night were very different. I feel disgusting and hurt and violated and lied to. Where are women supposed to go when even the police blame you? Fuck him, fuck every victim blaming scum. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 613,"Title: Am I overreacting Text: I have been at my place of employment for 9 months now. One of my fellow employees has made comments about my body, and several times came up and put his hands on my shoulders while my back is to him. I laughed it off at the time and reiterated that I am not interested. 2 weeks ago he started texting me asking me to wear certain close to work and send emojis with the tongue out. The following day I received a text at like 6:30 in the morning stating he’s craving me, yuck! As asked him to stop and said I would see him at work. He responded that hat he can’t help it, that’s how he feels. Of course I blocked him. Moved my desk. But it just wasn’t enough. It’s not the first time I’ve been bothered before. This job I have gone out of my way not to wear anything to feminine. No dresses. No heels. So I’m just fed up. I went to HR and they asked me what I would like them to do about it. This was a Friday. On Monday morning I woke up and was just filled with anxiety about being around him in our small office. I chose to work at home. On Tuesday my manager called me and asked me what happened, and he told me it was no big deal. I told him you don’t know what it’s like out my previous experiences were. He asked me how long I want to work at home. I said I don’t know. I’m just not comfortable in the office. I finished up the week at home being productive, but my manager insisted I come in that following week. So, I tried. That guy who harassed me was carrying on like nothing happened, standing 2 ft from my desk like as if he was trying to rub it in my face, that or it’s just the rawness of my feelings. Furthermore, he told other people in the office I went to HR so now I’m being ignored and treated differently. Next they moved my desk in the back, I am by myself. That person has still walked back there, and I have to pass him in the hall when I use the restroom. I’m so full of anxiety I just want to throw up. Am I overreacting? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 614,"Title: wanting to be clean Text: Does anybody else not actually want to be clean?For me i never see improvements when i'm clean if anything its harder because of the urges.I never see a real reason to be clean to be honest unless its to stop anybody finding out. To be honest it got leaked because of a teacher that i self harm so wayy too many people know about it.I hate it when people find out For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 615,"Title: Everyone treats me like I’m some villain and I’m just confused i iust genuinely don’t understand how Text: People say Im talking in a rude tone but I’m just talking and it hurts when you can’t even talk without people thinking you’re rude it’s just making me more anxious and self conscious For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 616,"Title: No other way Text: In my 30s, had cancer, recently lost career because of 2nd DUI. Been having these thoughts since I was a kid but the time has finally come For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 617,"Title: The Boy Held The Door For Me and I Cried Text: A boy held the door for me and i cried. I cried because someone noticed my presence. I wasn’t invisible for just that moment. The simply task, that he didn’t think twice about made me cry. There comes a point where you have to consider how lonely you really are. This was my moment. The boy held the door for me and i cried and cried and cried all night. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 618,"Title: SOS Text: My anxiety is really bad. I feel so guilty for something that happened recently and I genuinely want to kill myself. I’ve had a plan for years but my love for my grandparents was what held me back. Now that I’ve betrayed them and ruined their lives I feel like I have nothing left to keep me back. I always thought I’d be too scared to kill myself but ever since I started self harming it’s gotten easier and easier. And what’s worse is I enjoy it more each time. Part of me thinks I do it so I can be the quite mysterious boy that’s deep and filed with trauma to get sympathy. But I also just enjoy how it looks and feels when I cut. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_active_ongoing" Question 619,"Title: How can I cope? Text: I sh already, but I've been wanting to cut deeper. My anxiety acts up though and I don't. However, the urge is still present. How can I cope with the urges. They continue getting stronger due to my incompetent stress management skills For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 620,"Title: I don’t want to be here anymore Text: I feel like I have no future. I seriously want nothing more than to be dead but I just can’t bring myself to do it. When I’m driving I’m always hoping that someone will hit me and just make the job easy. My boyfriend and I fight all the time and I feel like he doesn’t want anything to do with me. I don’t want to be apart of this world anymore. I’ve always felt like I was meant to die young. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 621,"Title: Scr*w Thyroid Text: I see all these people saying losing weight is as easy as cutting out crap foods and walking 30 minutes a day. But apparently building muscle is so hard... I am a 16 year old male that has Hashimoto's thyroid. I work out 3-4 times a week, sleep 8 hours (cuz my school starts at 9), and eat good food (lots of protein). No matter what I do, I can't lose weight and is feels so unfair. I really don't know what to do. I see muscle gain, but weight or fat loss is just not happening. There's no way people actually think building muscle is hard right? 😕 Anyway, it's beginning to be a huge problem as everyone in my life talks about my weight like it's something that can be easily controlled. Literally breathing air gives me an extra 7 pounds. Please help 🙏 P.S. - Don't really know if this is the right subreddit, but I do have mild depression (symptoms from the disease) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 622,"Title: Starting a new life. Text: So I just joined my college and I am living in an hostel with no roommate as of yet. Honestly, everything is fine, not too good not too bad. But having gotten attached to my family, its a bit tough to keep myself focused, I miss my past life. I do know it'll take time to get settled and get comfortable but I haven't had much interactions till now. The first day went by with me coming back to my room and sleeping. I don't know how to cope up for now, please help if possible. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 623,"Title: I feel betrayed Text: Going to try and keep this short but just need this off my mind. Me and this girl were friends for like 5 years, we talked a lot, laughed a lot and both our friend groups thought we were dating but we weren't. I always thought our relationship was platonic but my friends were adamant that she liked me. A year ago we were drunk and I told her 'Its a shame we never ended up more than friends', she then said 'Yh I really liked you but had to force myself to get over you cos I didnt think you would be interested'. Atp I felt rly bad even though I can't fake feelings for her, anyway we continued to be friends until recently where she stopped messaging me, took really long to reply, stopped sending tiktoks etc. I was confused but I thought nothing of it, probably just exam szn. Then I went on tiktok to see her kissing a guy. We always used to talk about our relationships and fantasies together but ig it all made sense. I was just the placeholder until she found someone new, I really thought we would be good friends but ig not. I trusted her with so much and we both helped each other at our lows and she threw it all away for a boy. I am kind of sad but have also realised that its better that type of person is out of my life. Sorry for this but she won't have this conversation with me and I need it to be vented. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 624,"Title: it wasn't funny Text: TW - unwanted touch/physical contact I'm 23(F), harassed on two separate occasions. The first was shortly after I graduated high school. The second was a couple years ago when I was in college. (1) I was out with some friends celebrating our HS graduation. I'm autistic, not into physical contact like hugging. so two of my friends (both females) thought it was funny to grab my arms so I couldn't get away. They hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. I awkwardly laughed it off, but was very upset. i told my mom, but it wasn't that big a deal to her. i left that friend group not long after. (2) this one involves my dad. I was minding my business, cleaning the dishes. He thought it was funny to walk past and smack my bottom hard. I was shocked and told him to save that for his wife. He did it again on two more random occasions, from what I remembered recently. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 625,"Title: does anyone else hate the term ""self-mutilation"" Text: i dont fully know why i hate it, i just do. ig it feels belittling? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 626,"Title: My boyfriend pushed me for the first time yesterday. Should I leave or stay? Text: My boyfriend (M26) pushed me after I bent his finger. He was tickling me too hard and I was trying to get him to stop and I bent his finger as a last resort. He then pushed me and told me to “Get Out”. I could tell he was serious and when he pushed me I immediately felt disrespected. I started getting ready to leave and he told me he was sorry and that he was just joking. I tried leaving and he told me I wasn’t leaving and essentially forced me to stay. He has never laid his hands on me before and he is usually respectful and delicate with me. He does have an anger problem and yells when he gets mad and sometimes gets the urge to throw things. I’ve talked to him about how his yelling makes me feel and he tells me that he was raised that way and that he can’t help it sometime but that he’s working on it. I did bend his finger so I’m wondering whether I am over exaggerating or not and if I should let it slide. Besides this we have a great relationship overall and we love each other. He’s told me that he would never hit a girl and that he’s against that. I know he would ever hurt me but I wanted to get some advice from people looking from the outside cause I know sometimes people can’t tell when their in the relationship. Is this a sign that he might get abusive in the future? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 627,"Title: Sexually harassed by my boss Text: Back in December I reported my boss for sexual harassment that had been going on for 7 months. Luckily, I had lots of evidence, and he got fired for it. As soon as he was gone, multiple other women started coming forward with similar experiences as mine, but none actually reported it since he was already terminated. I sent an email to HR with a list of their names, saying that maybe they should talk to some of these women. Anyway today (5 months later) I discovered that HR did not follow up with or contact any of these other women. Rumor has it, this man is ""trying to fight it"", whatever that means. Shouldn't HR have spoken with these other potential victims, or did they stop caring once the man was terminated? I feel like they are trying to sweep all this under the rug. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 628,"Title: I finally pulled the trigger on my long-term emotionally neglectful and belittling relationship Text: After 5 years with my partner, I finally told him I can't wait around and beg for his affection anymore. Things started going downhill a little under 2 years ago. He has admitted that he hasn't been 100% in this relationship. He has never cheated and we still love each other to death, but I couldn't take feeling like an annoying, talkative girlfriend anymore. He broke down because this is the first time I have committed to standing my ground and standing up for myself. He cried, he admitted that he is the problem and that he doesn't know why he is the way he is, and that he screwed up. I have barely any money because I just graduated, but my support system is literally 3,000 miles away and we have a cat together (I have cat custody), so logistics are a major issue too. I have been mentally preparing for a moment like this to pop up for a couple of weeks, but nothing truly prepares you for that moment where you finally say, ""I'm done."" I have never seen him this vulnerable and afraid. It is both empowering and heartbreaking, because I know he does love me. I cannot take the blame anymore. Why does it take getting this far before wanting to change?! But seriously, I feel semi-okay. I am hurting bad, but I feel like I took my self esteem back today. I took back my power. It's going to be a painful road forward, but nothing is worth losing your self esteem over. If you need confirmation that it's time to go, this is it. This was and is the love of my life, but love is not always enough. Nothing is worth letting your self esteem rot. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 629,"Title: I miss my rapist Text: As the title says yes I do miss him unfortunately, and I do not know why at all. Out of all my family members that have raped me from the age 5-13, This one in particular I keep trying to find because of how much I miss him. He was my little cousin just a year younger than me. We were both in middle school I was the new boy at our school just because I was goth, gay, transgender, and from another city I was bullied severely. I took all of the bullying until my little cousin moved in with us (me and my dad) and went to my school. We both immediately clicked with one another and he aoon became the popular kid and everyone refered to me as (Oh don't mess with ""her"" that's Tay's cousin) except this one bully was CONSISTENT with the bullying- I remember crying because of him all for Tay to beat him up in the boys restroom one day. Everyday he got more and more protective of me until we both spent the night at our aunts, and had to sleep in the same bed. I had on booty shorts and a tank top I remember at first we were wrestling and tickling eachother until he rolled on top of my back... I immediately felt disgusted because he started kissing on me I remember telling him that this is wrong, we're cousins, I'm scared, but he said he didn't care, I love you, and he'd protect me at school. Long story short... He got what he wanted- everytime he protected me at school he raped me, but I didn't hate him. He stayed with us for a whole school semester and the only reason he stopped was because his dad (my uncle) finally got their house rebuilt. The day he left broke my whole heart cause I didn't want him to leave especially knowing that my uncle was abusing him (to which he confined in me as well I'm also an abuse victim) but the last thing I heard about him is that he ran away from home because my uncle was beating on him and til this day I still ask around about him... He's the black sheep of the family now and I still can't find a reason for why I'm not mad at him I feel betrayed more than anything, but I just wanna see him one more time the only thing I hate is that I miss him For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 630,"Title: More awareness needed for Victims of Domestic Violence! Text: It saddens me to this day that little has been done to prevent domestic violence. I myself am a survivor of domestic violence not just once but twice. I have had police involvement at the same place of residence over 160 times in two years....all pertaining to the abuse I endured from my second abuser....he was charged numerous times including attempted murder...I was placed in many women abuse shelters...but due to funding it was only an 8 week stay and me being taken out of my own home , that the abusers name was not on made me feel hopeless, so yes my abuser prayed on that....so I would go back to him and hope things would change because I fell for all his lies ....but the abuse only got worse....and the cycle would continuously repeat itself.....until I finally built up the courage to never believe a word he says....so I reached out to my family doctor and told her everything ....not only Has my life changed ....I am safe! I know it was not my fault, and I got therapy that I needed to truly understand I matter...and the most important part I learned is ....there is absolutely no way an Abuser will change until he/she realizes they have a problem and are willing to put in the effort to change for themselves. My personal belief is ...if victims spoke up more and shared there stories , it would bring more awareness but it will help victims understand that they are not the only ones going through it and help is possible -more government funding directed towards Domestic Violence -when victims taken out of there own home for the fear i safety and placed in a shelter for only 8 weeks...a place should be provided (housing) and follow ups from support workers... -the law should change that if charged with any domestic violence charge that automatically no bail be granted till Trial....my belief in this is ...they let abusers out to quick..if kept in jail till court..then the victim feels safer knowing her abuser is locked up and has time to receive supports so she/he does not return to the abuse. -this one really opened my eyes” when my abuser was court ordered for anger management , I was so excited finally things might change. His response was well they can make me go there but they can’t make me listen”—-it bothered me and then I challenged that...contacted the person running the program...explained my situation and who I was...and asked my special request ..while my abuser was in the program at the end could they give a test just to see how much they have learned and informed her of what my abuser said” her response was it’s an absolutely great idea but we have no law requiring that ...they really need to change present laws. -courts need not just put them in jail and expect change....more detailed programs need to be put in place for the abuser...stricter laws need to be put in place. -besides anger issues being looked at when it comes to the abuser , what also needs to be looked is there mental health which should be diagnosed by a physiatrist and not just a jp - governments need to realize domestic violence is a vicious cycle, as in most situation there are lost children in this that witness it or hear it...it affects children greatly in many ways...that they become abusers themselves . I could continue on and on ....but the first step is the need for awareness....I know deep in my soul there are many and I mean many victims out there .....that need help as every day is a life of torture . I strongly urge you from victim to victim to get help and while doing so please remain safe....this is the Abusers issues and not yours! You matter ! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 631,"Title: It not a big deal too relapse Text: Yeah it suks to relapse, but that doesn’t mean that you failed. Those days when you didn’t self harm still count. The important part is that you tray again end not give up. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 632,"Title: Celexa? Text: Anyone here experienced with Celexa? For reference, the past few months I've been very much down, hollow, and generally avoidant of even people I like, which makes this a difficult situation to say the least. I feel like I have to fake most interactions just to get by. As such, I was prescribed 20mg of Celexa about a week ago. I felt pretty good after a few days of usage, but this proved to be merely placebo as I reverted back to my state of Depression and Anxiety in the recent days. Is there any indication when Celexa begins to work and what I can expect? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 633,"Title: Incompetent Failure Text: I am an utterly incompetent failure at work. I have long wished to die and my failures, which are exacerbating my suicidal thoughts only makes me more resolute. If I am fired I will finally end my life, I should have years ago. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","suicideideation_active_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 634,"Title: Scared but finally told the police. Please read Text: After another year of the abuse I finally contacted the police that he’s breached his probation and been seeing me and abusing me very badly for months. The police have not done much and haven’t arrested him yet. They came down for 2 minutes then left and said they’ll be back to get a statement but it’s been hours. Meanwhile he is texting me. I responded but didn’t tell him about the police because I’m scared he’ll come down here and kill me. I know I shouldn’t be texting him. But if I stop I’m afraid he’ll come down here and kill me. Especially if I randomly block him he’ll do it. I’m stuck, I’m scared and anxious and just want him to be put in jail without having this guilt over my shoulder For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 635,"Title: I'm finding myself sitting alone in my room after an hour of trying to distract myself repeating out loud to myself: ""I wanna kill myself"". Text: 👍 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 636,"Title: the last person you think of before sleeping is the quite responsible for existing sadness OR happiness in your life Text: Frankly, I've added ""happiness"" just for completeness sake. I doubt there'd be many people on this sub for whom ""the person"" would be a source of happiness rather than sadness For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 637,"Title: How do I celebrate 1 year self harm free? Text: Next week I reach a big mile stone! 1 year of being self harm free. I’m very proud of it but it’s not something I could go around shouting from the roof tops. I’m trying to think of a way to honour it by myself. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 638,"Title: Strange neighboors (called me a whore) Text: I've been trying to keep distance from my my neighboors that live in the same building as me. Mostly because they fly back and forth between countries to work, and I'm scared of Covid. Besides I look ugly and I'm used to guys harrassing me about my looks. And lastly because these men are really creepy and disrespectful. I'm the only woman living here. Yesterday the all gathered by by the front door. So I hang around in the car for å while where they couldn't see me. When I walked in there was only one guy standing by the front door. A russian guy that's been hitting on me or something in his own childish way. I was just eager to get inside. Then I walked in and I heard laughing. I went upstaries and three guys where standing there. I usually look down when I feel embarressed. I couldn't even bring myself to look at them. As I hurried by I heard one of the men say ""she's a whore"". Edit. They know I'm in the risk group and want to keep distance to people. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 639,"Title: Really need help guys I just about had enough of life and need reassurance. Text: Hi everyone, I’m a lurker here and I’ve had a hard time with bipolar and OCD . Lately I’ve been obsessed with being afraid of developing schizophrenia. I have a brother who has it with no other members in our family who has it. I’m just exhausted of worrying I might get it. Is there any reassurance I won’t? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 640,"Title: Did he really sexual harassed me or am I blowing this out of proportion? Text: I once had a friend who confessed his crush on me during a school dance for the 11th graders at my high school. When he confessed, it threw me of guard. I didn’t really think of his anything other than a friend, so I rejected him. We still stayed friends until June 2022, where I didn’t want anything to do with him. After the confession, he confronted me about friend-zoning him. I remember myself trying to tell him that me simply thinking him as friend was enough reasoning to not being his girlfriend and other excuses just to get him of my case. He would ask me what he could do to change my as if desperate for my affection. He eventually got of my case when I told him, I’m not ready for a relationship. There were so many instances where he would say very weird things to me such as using my hair as a handle for sex when I had my hair in pigtails, stealing my bra, and commenting on my ass. There were also making sexual noise when I was doing an OWO voice for the funny haha and talking about sex during his confession. Half of me blames myself for leading him on and enabling his actions towards me. He has done many other things that were demoralizing, some of the things included slutshaming and biphobic. I’ve talked to some of my friends about this, although I keep his identity anonymous in case I was slandering him. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 641,"Title: I feel unhappy Text: I've put on a stone and half yet I don't even see anything different when I look in the mirror makes me feel like shit For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 642,"Title: What happens after telling your psychologist you self harm? please help Text: Hi! I’m currently 18 and have been sh since I was 12. NO ONE knows about this. I’ve never told anybody and my scars are not really that noticeable. I’ve also become an expert at deflecting questions about my cuts. I wont go into many details because i’m afraid i may trigger someone. But anyways, i’m tired of coping this way. It’s not healthy at all and while it does take all the emotional distress away, I know in the end it’s only making me more depressed and can’t live like this forever. I’ve been to therapy before and I will start again soon, and it’s the main thing i want to talk about. The problem is i am deeply ashamed and terrified of the people around me knowing anything about this, especially my parents. So i was just wondering what would happen if i actually tell my therapist this time. I need to get it off my chest for once. I know it would most definitely cure my depression, but i can’t come to accept the people around me knowing anything about it. Is there any way i can transit the process on my own?? please i would love to know what your treatment was like (for those who got it). I’m just terrified. Thank you. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 643,"Title: the sudden popularity of andrew tate is a major trigger for rape/SA victims Text: i'm not sure if this has been talked about on this subreddit yet, but this man going viral & having millions of followers despite his past is extremely concerning. literally he said that **women bear the responsibility of being raped as much as the actual rapist** ... i cannot believe other kids in college that i personally know follow this man just because he is ""funny"" to them. i'm sure there's a ton of other kids even younger who follow this man. literally just imagine what his content is doing to these children who are still developing mentally. i don't give a SHIT about how funny someone is, how can someone who has such vile takes on rape and SA be praised in today's society. it somehow feels like we are going backwards in terms of progress as a whole. i don't think his fame is going to be taken away from him anytime soon, but i sure hope this doesn't happen again with male idols and stars in the future. at least for me, a victim of rape, i find it really triggering to see him on social media & see people laugh at his content. i'm sorry to whoever else has to deal w/ seeing this shit, so don't be afraid to call people out on their bullshit. they deserve it for supporting a guy like andrew tate. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 644,"Title: I suffer from OCD since 2018 Text: I wash my hands 2-10 minutes, I take a picture of my electric stove and electric iron just to be sure that my home will not be on fire because of me, first leg that steps in/out of apartments is right leg, I wash 3 plates and 1 Pot for 30 minutes. I live in country, where people think that: if you're complaining about problems with mental health and you seek help= you're psycho and sick. What do I do ? How do I go to a therapist ? I want to cure mental disease, but im afraid of mental hospital, what should I do ? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 645,"Title: I did it Text: Tw// self-harm I didnt break my streak yesterday. I'am now 3 months free from self-harm For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 646,"Title: the fact that we're brought to life without our consent pisses me off Text: if i would have known my life would've turned out the way it has, i would've gladly denied the option to live through it. i would rather have stayed potential energy in the universe or some angel in heaven or whatever bullshit is actually real. i'm about to turn 20 and i'm pretty sure i've already fucked my life over. i've accumulated well over $8k worth of credit debt because i was fired from my job back in march and i needed to survive for 3 months after falling into the biggest trench of depression i've ever experienced. i'm currently still in this depressive episode, but the depression comes in waves. sometimes, it's a tsunami that drowns out every single pore of my pathetic being and the only thing that manages to strip me away from the faux comfort of my bed is my desire to give as much love as i can to my boyfriend in hopes that it overwhelms my depression and helps push it back down to a more tolerable, persistent sadness. i'm also currently enrolled in college, yet i stopped attending. i'm failing all my courses and i haven't gone to any classes for over a month or two because god i can't stand being in an unfamiliar place with unfriendly strangers with an old, sour professor that ""teaches"" from a powerpoint. i attend college because of the government, and i've gotten vast amounts of reimbursements of said financial aid. i've used them to provide for myself with both necessities and recreational stuff. (mostly recreational stuff such as games and food and clothes). i probably will owe it all back to the government. around $13k, if i'm calculating correctly. together, with my credit debt, that's around $21k. since august, i began working a new job that has barely paid me anything. i struggle to make ends meet for only my credit card payments. my mom helps me with everything else, such as my phone bill and car insurance. i can't be a burden to anyone anymore. my mother doesn't even know how much i owe, and it would break my heart having her help me more than she already has. and yet, i still can't find the courage to kill myself. i don't want to leave my loved ones behind, and not because i don't want them to feel sad but because i don't want to be forgotten. i don't want them to move on and have me be a distant memory in the foreground of their imagination; a ghost that haunts them at night right before they fall asleep. but, one day hopefully soon, i will die. and just that brings me comfort and what i can only imagine what serenity might feel like. tl;dr— im a stupid, selfish bastard who fucked himself over and is getting what he deserves. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 647,"Title: Need advice Text: So I stabbed my arm both arms cause I couldn't slice them , the knife hit both my nerves and my arms were like vibrating like when u hit a funny bone. I go to sleep and now today I wake up and the pain is fucking horrible , knife wasn't really dirty but not clean either. Hit hurts to extend my arms and shit , should I just keep it clean and wait till it heals ? I've cut before but never not been able to use my arms, slept on the floor last night and could barely even pull my self up off it cause my arms hurt. Both cuts are small but deep. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 648,"Title: Relapse of the century baybeeee! Text: I’ve been good the last week or so, no cuts at all! Something happened tonight though, honestly couldn’t tell you what it was, but holy hell did I relapse in a big way. I haven’t turned the lights on to see what I did yet, kind of scared to. All I know is that my arm seriously stings right now and I can feel it dripping. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 649,"Title: My mom blabbed about my sexual harassment Text: I was sexually harassed at work by a customer, so much that I filed a police report. I wasn't going to tell my brother or other siblings because they can get overprotective. My brother texted me and asked me if I was okay. The thing is that it wasn't her story to tell and I'm afraid she's telling everyone now. Do I have a right to be mad? I just want to get over it and leave it in the past where it belongs. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 650,"Title: I think I forgot to take my antidepressant tonight… should I take one just in case, or should I wait until tomorrow?? Text: I don’t want to take one, if it causes me to have a reaction. But at the same time, I’m fairly certain that I haven’t taken it. I use 45mg of mirtazapin every night. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 651,"Title: Do you ever truly recover from domestic abuse? Text: For four years off and on, i was abused in every single way (it checked every box for domestic abuse, i mean every single box. except it never got physical). And it started while I was 15, so that’s the only type of relationship I know. Unfortunately, after the first time we dated, I went back just 3 years later. We had contact in that space every now and then so the abuse never fully stopped. It got so severe over the years I lost friends because it became too hard for them to watch me constantly bawling because of it. I also lost a lot of friends because he wouldn’t let me continue to be friends with them. I was even accused of cheating because I got to school an hour early for a senior event, despite sending him the flyer about the event a few days prior. I could probably write a book to explain everything he did. But I finally escaped about 5-6 months ago after being convinced i was trapped for life. Even with all that time, it’s still weird for me to be able to live and not have to ask permission. It’s also very weird when I talk to guys and they’re kind to me. At first it actually scared me. And I’ve noticed when similar things are said or done that happened in the relationship, even though they are NEVER done with the purpose of abuse or to be rude, I start to freak out. For example, my best friend had to stop responding with “k, ok, yeah, cool” because all I could correlate that with was him. I still have breakdowns every now and then because the things he would say start to just replay over and over in my head. He did a lot of permanent damage, that I don’t think can ever be fixed. But do you ever truly recover from that type of abuse? Or does it just get easier to forget? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 652,"Title: ""The worst loneliness isn't being alone, it's being alone surrounded by people that don't care about your existence"" Text: This quote speaks to me. I’ve been a lonely kid all my life and it is painful to not have any human connection, it is painful to not ever feel and receive love when every one you see around you is happy and loved. Because of how my life has been, I feel I’m probably gonna remain all lonely and sad my entire life. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 653,"Title: Does it ever get better? Text: I got out of a DV relationship in July. Lately I’ve been having nightmares/ replaying what happened to me in my head all the time. I talk to a therapist, but like does this ever go away?? I’m to the point where I barely sleep anymore. Also- I know it’s normal to “miss” that person sometimes, and it’s a form of trauma bonding (I think??) but does that go away? I try to remind myself what happened to me and how I felt then when I feel this way. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 654,"Title: I really resent my mother for a variety of things, but especially for not letting me go on antidepressants like I want to Text: I actually think that it could prove to be immensely beneficial for me For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 655,"Title: Should I get a restraining order? Text: Been married for less than a year, I(30F) separated from him (31M). I’m having a very hard time telling people or accepting to myself that I was abused quite severely and could possibly need a restraining order against my husband. The reason I hesitate is because I read about people that got sexually assaulted by partners, considerably physically injured etc. Below are few of the things he has done to me: 1. Taking my phone and car keys away during few of his anger episodes to keep me from running out for help. He gives them back once he gets his way/no longer feels I will tell on him. 2. Breaking stuff- broke a bathroom mirror, broke a couple of doors when I locked myself in, hit bedroom wall and put holes in it 3. Threats that he would hurt me. 4. Threatening suicide 5. Drives aggressively and speeds in a way that scares me when he is upset. 6. Has tracked me with location sharing, said he’s used more spy/ tracking devices on me 7. Tried to get me pregnant knowing I was moving out. These are just a few. My therapist is recommending that I file for a restraining order. I’m not sure if I need one. I do live with constant anxiety over being tracked and him showing up at my new address but so far he hasn’t. He’s made threats over the past month but has stop contacting me since the last 4 days. I don’t know if he’s actually backed off or is planning something bigger. Should I file for the order or wait until he threatens/harasses me one more time? Also how severe do you think the abuse is based on above points? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 656,"Title: I basically failed my midterm and I know I’m going to fail my other one. Text: How tf does one fail a dance midterm. Bend my fucking knees. It’s not that fucking hard. I just can’t do it cause u gained 7 lbs. did I bite myself and make myself bleed after my midterm review one-on-one with my teacher? Yes. I deserved it. I also deserve to starve. The new girl i like will never like me. I am going to fail your French midterm because i am dumb as fuck. Stfu stupid self. I hope I get hit by a car. This shit ain’t worth it no more. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 657,"Title: This is fucking torture Text: It really fucking sucks it's illegal to have weapons here. I just want to have a handgun in my drawer for when I decide I want out quickly and painlessly. Now, I'd either have to suffer to end it or ask a doctor for euthanasia. I can tell right now the euthanasia isn't gonna happen because ""I've got a whole life ahead of me"" but what they actually mean is they can't lose a cog from their precious machine. Fuck all of this I hate everything. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 658,"Title: My friend overdosed herself a few hours ago. She's still shaking and feeling unwell. Text: Heya. As the title says. She overdosed herself on antidepressants, exactly sertralin-teva 100mg. She took six pills around 19:30. Now it is 1:30, she feels better, vomited a little bit. Sadly I am only with her over the Internet the whole time. What steps, or anything, should be taken in this situation? To ease the situation or anything. Currently, we just drink a lot of water. She does not want to go to the hospital or anything. We've discussed the possibility of her going to a psychiatrist again, without the knowledge of her parents (she's an adult, exactly 19). (her parents don't understand one bit, they are those... ""go outside and play, that will help you"" type of people. I'll be deleting this post when she'll feel better since she wants to. I'm sorry for anyone who would be going through this as well and won't be seeing this post, but I respect her. EDIT: Just learned she musn't sleep so yeah. We are going to play some good old Minecraft. This will really hit my sleeping schedule that I've developed for the past few weeks, but whatever it takes to make her feel better. EDIT 2: She vomited more and her head is on 4 out of 10 of ""headache points"" from 9 out of 10. She's doing better. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 659,"Title: new lows on the financial abuse side Text: I finally went on holiday two weeks ago and a couple days later he texted me saying he was COVID pos, but I did not reply. Well the same night all of a sudden, he cancelled my Amazon Prime subscription and refunded me what he thought the last half year was worth (I paid all my subscriptions to him in full). Contacted the Police to update them on the DA but they said he is not doing anything wrong. Yesterday night again, he texted me about his shift for the upcoming week (all night shifts while I have to prep for my moving...) and once I did not reply again, he said he wants the pc monitor he gave me back. This monitor is not a monitor I wanted, he insisted on gifting me, but now he's saying he only let me borrow it. Not an issue, I can get a new one, but he's just pathetic at this point. Contacted police again but I already know they'll not do anything again so I'll just take matters in my own hands at this point. Getting home tonight, looking forward to pack all of my stuff that I was just letting him borrow, like pans, pots, cutlery, towels... hope he'll enjoy it as much as I'm enjoying the abuse. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 660,"Title: Serious help for a friend Text: What can my friend do about being sexually harassed at work? We live in Liverpool, and she works in a warehouse at B&M. She is 17 and has been told by her boss that she would have to have sex with them to work in her old position. This has happened a few times. Higher ups are the same. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 661,"Title: Is it still rape if i didn’t say no Text: Every story I’ve read about rape people say that they fought or screamed when it happened but I didn’t I was 15 and didn’t have any friends and was so naive that I thought I could go online and find friends One guy replied (I later found out he was 21) and said we could share alcohol so I agreed I got to the field and he told me sex was way better but he said it in a tone of voice I was scared to say no He told me to lay down on my back and that he would do all the work I didn’t have any idea what was happening apart from it hurt so much and I was bleeding but I just laid there crying from the pain I didn’t fight or say anything I just froze and did nothing I thought if I didn’t move it would be over faster For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 662,"Title: Is it still a sexual harassment if it happens to a man? Text: First let me tell you the incident. This happened 6 years ago when I was travelling in the college bus. All seats were taken and I was standing. Infront of me was a girl who I never seen before. So what happened was I had placed my hand on one of the window bars infront of me for support as the bus was shaking too much. Out of nowhere I felt a pressure on my hand and when I looked this girl was leaning on my hand in such a way that her breast was pressing my hand. At first I thought it was by accident but when I tried to free myself I couldn't. It felt like she was pressing hard intentionally. So I forcefully withdrew my hand and I was scared because it threw her back a little. I felt that she would complain about me groping her or something but nothing. She didn't even give a shit and pretended this never happened. The second incident happened after few days in the same bus. Once again I was standing and the same girl was standing infront of me. This time she actually pressed her butt against my crotch region. Like we were spooning out in a public bus where others might see us. I was uncomfortable and I didn't know what should I say. I just kept quit and she left me after a while. So my question, was that a sexual harassment or should I consider it like that the girl likes me. I am asking this question because in movies or even in media they showcase that anything happening to a man is a comedy or tolerable which confuses me. Let me know your opinion. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 663,"Title: Small business owner. Been doing it a year. now I have to deal with this. Text: I have a small business and a page on Facebook. My page has reached beyond family and friends which is good. I'm finally having a semi steady stream of work. But it's also bad cuz I have been dealing with perverts. I promise this isn't a troll. If the mods don't believe me, they can message me I have screenshots for proof. A bit more info: I looked at his page and it was 90% reposting women's photos with captions like let's chat, ur so pretty, lets hook up, etc. And 10% Bible quotes and pictures of Jesus. He messaged my business page. It went like this. P=pervert M=me P: hello. How are you? M: hello. I am well. What would you like to order? P: Can I have you? M: no. Please be appropriate. This is a business. P: sorry. Bad joke. I apologize. M: are you going to order something? P: where are you? I bet you are far away. (This is a common question from legit customers. Shipping can be expensive and they want to be informed of where its being shipped from before they order so they know about how much it'll be/if there will be customs costs/how long shipping will take) M: I am in the USA but I can ship my products to many other countries. P: sorry I won't waste ur time anymore. Bye. Some other time maybe? M: (me realizing he was just a perv and was never gonna buy anything at any point.) Never again. Pervert. Then I blocked him. From here out I will just block and ban at the first sign of sexual harassment. Anyone else here a business owner who's been sexually harassed? What are your stories? How do u handle it professionally? I don't want to be too rude to them and they put my business on blast. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 664,"Title: boyfriend took over half of my psych meds (adhd, anxiety) that i need for work, and is demanding i pay him $5k to get them back - recourse? Text: realistically what recourse do i have? i feel like police will just think i am a drug seeker because of the meds they are. i just started a new job and have been taking these medications for years. my therapist knows but that’s it. i don’t know what to do; this will undoubtedly ruin this job and my life. these are controlled substances and i don’t have a way of proving this as we live together. please help. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 665,"Title: He took punishing me too far. Now he seems to enjoy it. Text: Laughing at me for begging him to be here and hold me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 666,"Title: does it count as sexual harassment..? Text: hi, so here’s what happened. one night i went to my best friend’s house (we were best friends at the time), we planned on watching a movie, ordering food, just a typical girls night. another girl from our school was supposed to come, she was friends with my best friend and that’s how i met her. she seemed pretty nice in general. i was not trying to make assumptions about her, but she was very masculine, kinda reminded me of a butch. we were just having a good time, we became friends very quickly. but for a very short term, and here’s why. so as i said we were watching a movie and me and her were sitting on the same couch with the same blanket. so we were all covered inside the blanket and sat next to each other while watching the movie. all of a sudden i feel her hand placed on my thigh near my private area. i felt so uncomfortable and didn’t say anything. i was just staring at the tv hoping that it didn’t just happen. i felt shivers all over my body when it happened. i mean, you’re not supposed to do that, right? it’s not okay. it felt sexual, not the kind of stuff friends do to each other. and i didn’t know what to say or do. i guess i always had that fear that this stuff is going to happen. does it count as sexual harassment? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 667,"Title: Stuck in Limbo - Need advice Text: I have had a horrible experience with my local mental health resources. I either can't afford sufficient care, or I am navigating the space incorrectly. I have, since a very young age expressed unhealthy mental health behaviors - All of which were ignored by my Guardian ( nontraditional adoption at birth). I am now in my mid 20's. I have hyperhidrosis which gets in the way at work, I have severe depression that makes me feel like i'm a robot just going through the days, I don't care about anything and am unmotivated. Everytime I seek help, I get a ridiculous psychologist/psychiatrist whom diagnosis me in 30 minutes using the DSM and offers me no advocacy or specific treatment to my complex problems. I get mood disorder diagnosis, Anxiety diagnosis, and put on standard SSRI's which i'm too allergic to the side effects to maintain for any amount of time. I am a college graduate, and know how to do sufficient research - I sincerely believe I have a thyroid disease due to my previous lab results - And pushed my previous doctor to investigate, but he insists my levels are OK (They are borderline on a controversial scale and I expereince symptoms) I have palmar hyperhidrosis (sweaty palms) which spikes at any social interaction (before shaking hands) which is a non-starter in any professional environment. My current doctor referred me to a psychiatrist who slammed me with an alcohol abuse diagnosis because I said I drink every other weekend or less. I am ground down and burnt out, at the end-game of my mental health and don't know where to turn or what I can afford. I am almost certain through my own due-diligence and research and my own experience of what is wrong and potential things we can try, but like I said I only get 30 minute DSM diagnoses. This has all lead to my medical record making me look like I am a hard-to-deal-with patient who doesn't accept medications. My degree is in psychology and I study it on my own time often. No, I do not believe my opinion supersedes a professional's - I just know I am not receiving sufficient care for my unique experience. ( I say unique because my biological mother had me very young while being a drug user, which has led to all sorts of weird abnormalities including being born with a single kidney) ​ This was more of a rant... Or plea for help. What options do I have to find a more patient-centered treatment that allows me to discuss and explore my concerns that isn't short of being well connected, rich, and the time only being unemployed offers. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 668,"Title: Why order not to talk to my friend? Text: My friend called the cops against my former partner when he was abusing me and forcibly confining me. He has never met her and they’ve never talked to each other and do not have each other on social media and he knows nothing about her, not even her name or phone number- I also didn’t ask her to call the police but I asked her to send me a fake message about coming over to get him out of my house and she called the cops when I didn’t talk to her for the rest of the night because i was sleeping and he came back and was holding onto my phone. Why would there be an order to not contact her when he doesn’t even know who she is? Is it just because she called or would she have had to specifically state she’s scared for her safety and ask for that order or would they do it automatically? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 669,"Title: My husband was arrested two days ago. He is out on bail and cannot contact me or the kids until tomorrow evening. I need help with the next steps. Text: He was arrested for shoving me to the ground during an argument. I’m scraped and bruised. He denies it and says I faked it to make him look bad. He did this in front of our two children (3m and 8m). I have a little over a day to figure things out. I don’t know where to start. I contacted our local domestic violence helpline over the phone but they said I was ineligible for services at this time? What does this mean? They emailed me a TRO application, but I had to ask for it twice. The woman I spoke to was reluctant to email it to me. I don’t know why. She kept talking about taking some time to stop being scared and try to think of how to work on our marriage. I can’t do this. What kinds of services do these DV organizations offer? What kinds of questions should I be asking? What can I ask for? I don’t have access to any finances. Both cars are in his name. The house is in his name. All my family is out of state. I have no trusted friends because we’re living in his small, rural hometown. If it helps, I’m (38f) and my husband is (39m). I want to keep the kids away from his anger and violence. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 670,"Title: mental health Text: Bruh I've come to realize I'm so mean .I'm trying to understand where it all began ,can it be as a result of past trauma? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 671,"Title: I want to sleep and never wake up 😴 😫😭 Text: Who relates? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 672,"Title: Male rape survivor Text: This is probably going to get a lot of hate simply because I'm a man but I feel like I need to talk about this because I'm too scared to tell people I know about what happened to me. So in 2013 I came home from work with a co-worker of mine to an apartment that I had moved into about 2 months prior. We had plans to have a few drinks and to hang out for a few hours. When I got home my ex was sitting on the stairs waiting for me to talk about our relationship, I hadn't told her where I lived because we ended on bad terms. I was going to tell her no but my co-worker told me that I should give her a chance because she had gone half way across town to try and be on better terms. I reluctantly agreed and we all headed up to my apartment. A few beers, and some relatively good hang out session later he left to head home, leaving my ex and I alone. At this time I was drinking regularly, so I definitely was no lightweight. I had 3 beers and definitely wasn't even buzzed yet, after he left my ex poured the two of us a shot of Tequila, we drank them and talked for a bit about things we both did wrong in the relationship. After about an hour of talking and eating some dinner I made, I went to the bathroom. I came back and she had a 2nd shot ready for us. I said it was the last one e because I didn't want to get drunk and I didn't want her being drunk on her way home. We drank our 2nd shots and continued talking in my living room. That was the last thing I remembered until I woke up, with no clothes on either of us and her on top of me. I don't remember falling asleep again but I woke up the next morning with the worst migrane I've ever experienced, even to this day, as a side note I've never had a hangover even when I was borderline blackout drunk, and it felt like my stomach was being squeezed and twisted so I rushed to the bathroom, and threw up for about 10 minutes. She was still there and came in asking if I was ok, I said no and that she needed to leave. She said she would take care of me and I told her that she needed to get out of my apartment. After some more arguing I eventually forced her out and continued to feel like death for the rest of the day. I was so confused about what happened, and it wasn't until 2 or 3 days later that my dad called me asking if I had raped my ex because she told them that I came onto her. I told him that we had just talked and I didn't remember anything that happened until I woke up the next morning feeling like I was the sickest I'd ever felt, at the time I hadn't remembered waking upto her on me until about a month later. I lost most of my friends due to what she said and my step-mother still thinks I raped her even after explaining what happened. By the time I pieced together what happened there was no way I could go to the police, even if they believed me there was no evidence. The new friends I've made wonder why I don't interact with women and why I'm so distant with them and why I refuse to be alone with any. I just tell them that I'm not a social person and that's enough to get them to drop the subject. I'm too afraid to tell people about what happened and how they would see me after I tell them if I did. It still haunts me to this day because I also lear ed recently that she confronted the mother of my soon to be child asking to adopt them, and that she wanted to adopt my child because it's my child and she wants to have a child of the same gender that my child is. TL:DR I was drugged and raped by an ex that stalked me and now she wants my child. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 673,"Title: Sound Torture and a secret countdown. Text: Tonight's abuse is brought to me by dubstep. He's had the speaker on the stairs, full blast, playing the same 4 second sound on a loop. Just to fuck with me. I never thought I could hate dubstep this much. Actually no, dubstep isn't that great, it's not a leap to go from mild dislike to hatred. I have a little countdown that he doesn't know about which is making it all bearable. I've got a van booked. I've got two chaps arriving very soon and they're going to carry all my little belongings into their van, and then they're going to drive them away to my new home. And he won't know what's happening until I open that front door to them. So he can play his dubstep, he can goad me by blowing smoke at me. And I'll play the injured doe, crying and broken. But I know I'm going. And in a few days I'll be falling asleep in a bed he will never find. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 674,"Title: My dad disapproves of me reporting my rape. Text: For some background, I was groomed online at 15 and raped multiple times when I was 16. The rapist is now on bail and I'm waiting to see if he's going to plead guilty. My dad said something close to this the other day: ""What if going to jail makes him a murderer??"" Has anyone else had unsupportive family or friends when going through the reporting process? I found out shortly after from other family members that he's made multiple negative comments about it behind my back. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 675,"Title: i want to cut so bad but i dont wanna get blood on my tights Text: sometimes i am forced to not indulge in my shitty coping, like tonight. im going to a halloween party and for my costume i just bought these really nice white, lace, daisy patterned tights and im so excited to wear them. but… i also had a very triggering reaction and i want to cut so bad. however, the new blades i got are so sharp and i dont want to risk having fresh cuts open up and ruin my brand new tights. not sure the alt to cutting will be very healthy but at least in not cutting haha. and now that ive typed this out in actually a lot more calm and feeling less triggered. anyways thats all. happy (early) halloween <3 i hope you stay safe and have fun For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 676,"Title: Just need to talk to someone Text: Just wondering if there's anyone out there willing to hear me out. I feel bad typing everything here as idk if depressing essays are anti reddit etiquette For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 677,"Title: Found out he’s a therapist. Text: I found out my rapist is a therapist. I’m seriously just mind blown right now. I’m in the process of pressing charges but he’s from the states and I’m in Canada. He’s still here though. I don’t know how to process this. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 678,"Title: Why am I still like this? Text: To be honest, I guess my situation in life isn't bad. I've got a lot I should be thankful about - a degree, a GF, a job, etc. I feel like it's almost selfish of me to still be sad when so many people have it worse, but I still feel the same emptiness that I've had for like a decade now. I don't know who I can talk to about it without insulting these things that should be making me happy. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 679,"Title: i have been lying to my therapist Text: i feel like my therapist is getting annoyed with and/or disappointed in me. i want to move on from talking about self harm every session but nothing else helps. i really have no reason to stop because the only person i’m hurting is myself, i already have bad skin, and i don’t go deep enough to need medical attention but … i feel a bit guilty lying to him all the time… i have no intentions of stopping anytime soon though, should i just be honest or keep it to myself so we can move on? what would you do in this situation :/ (also i don’t want the police called lol) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 680,"Title: Vent - get it out Text: feel free to vent about your problems, irritations and even achievements here For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 681,"Title: How do I help my daughter? Text: My daughter is in an abusive realtionship. She is 21, he is 35. She met him the summer of her senior year in college. He was in her college town on business. Then she happened to be travelling to his home state for an internship that fall and the relationship progressed VERY rapidly. We saw red flags and questioned but she had an answer (lie) for everything and acted happy. At one point we questioned him and he very charmingly denied ever harming her and of course he ""could never and would never"" harm our daughter; he ""loved her ."" Right after she graduated in May she moved across the country to be with him. Then 6 weeks ago she called, standing on the street with nowhere to go crying that she needed help. We got her help and flew her home immediately. Turns out he had been physically abusing her all along, hair pulling, pushing/shoving, then black eyes, bloody nose, busted lip, bleeding head; and controlling everything she did; and the cops were called to his place several times. The day she called me he had strangled her and it wasn't the first time . At the time, she said she was done with him. But he immediately took a flight to our city and for the most part has been here since - ""to win her back."" When he's in town she leaves home and stays with him. She has been gone this entire week and informed me today that she is going back to him because he's ""getting counseling and she believes he can change."" The past 6 weeks have been hell and we've tried everything to convince her of the danger and his manipulation. (I truly think this man is at least a narcissist and possible sociopath) Now he's leaving next week to go to Europe on business for a month and he has convinced her to go with him. I am so terrified for her and am again begging her not to go. We dont know what to do, we've never had to deal with this type of violent, sick person and the fact that our daughter is willingly going back to him just ... I can't put it into words. I cry all the time because I love her so much am just so lost. We'll do anything. I appreciate any advice, feedback, or thoughts. Thank you for taking the time to read this. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 682,"Title: my arms look disgusting Text: I feel like I use this sub too much, but i can't exactly talk about this with anyone irl I got tipsy and relapsed again. Ive never hit styro, and I only cut my wrists. so, doing 20 cuts each time, semi daily, crossing over the old wounds, my arms have started to look, just, gross. like criss crossed self mutilation barcodes, usually covered in dry blood. ik there are people with worse scars than mine, but just, really... it really looks bad. I'm disgusted with myself and I'm not even sober. also, my sink started leaking when I was cleaning them. just can't catch a fucking break today. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 683,"Title: My girlfriend is one year self-harm free in 10 days. Text: I am extremely proud of her for coming such a long way and for fighting it every single day. I love this girl more than anything and I want to make sure she knows that I love and support her through her daily battle with depression. How could I make her 1 year of being self-harm free special? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 684,"Title: utterly alone Text: It sucks terribly how all I have is a reddit post to message, that no one will even see. My chest is so heavy my anxiety has my heart rate so high I can't stop breathing heavy, all I want is to cut until the sting is all I feel. I'm miserable and I have no one. I try so hard at being a good friend and boyfriend but I am just never good enough. All the time, effort and money i spend on and with people is never enough. All I am is a cutting board For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 685,"Title: I opened up to my mother about my self-harm obsession and... Text: She was unexpectedly calm and comprehensive about the whole thing. She didn't even ask to see my arms (which by the way, they deeply ashame me) or ground me, I was pleasantly surprised and comforted. She just hugged me right then and there and reassured me that everything would be all right. Now I'm here sitting in my bed and I have an upcoming appointment to talk to someone in the next following hours, and I couldn't be more relieved. Wish me well! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 686,"Title: I left today Text: Husband said something before work that set deep fear in me. So this morning I finally told my parents about what’s been happening. My mom told me to come home immediately (only 5 hours from them). I packed, rushing to leave before my husband got home for lunch. I left without saying anything. About an hour or so into the drive husband starts calling me frantically, over and over. About 60 times, texting just as much. He realized what I had done. I forgot that he can track me. I was so panicked. He called out of work and began following me without telling me. I had to stop for awhile and he caught up with me. I refused to get out of the car and wouldn’t roll down the windows more than a crack. We talked for awhile and I was so close to leaving with him. He was saying everything I dreamed of him saying for years and swearing if I turned around to come home he would leave the house until I felt safe. He said he would do everything to make up to me. I got so upset during this conversation, being pulled towards the man I love or safety, that I vomited the only meal I had eaten for the last two days (luckily I always have plastic bags in my car for my dog). I drove away after threatening to call the police and he followed me on the highway for an hour. I told him if he didn’t stop I would guarantee divorce. He pulled off and turned home. He used every manipulation tactic. Threatening unaliving himself many times, begging, and pleading. I stayed strong and got to my parents’. My parents are freaked by the state of my face. I still love him. I am so sad, depressed. I want nothing more than to go home. I don’t want to get divorced. I hate my feelings. I’m so scared of the future. I hate this feeling of not knowing. Any tips to get over this in the days ahead? We have a virtual couples’ appointment with my therapist tomorrow and I just so badly want him to get better. Everything is so complicated, more so than I want to let on here. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 687,"Title: Urge is real tonight Text: I’m almost a week sh free…… but idk 🤷🏼‍♀️ For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 688,"Title: Does anyone else experience nausea when thinking about their rapist? Text: My rapist reached out to me via text the other day unexpectedly after I thought I blocked him through all platforms. I threw up as soon as I realized it was him. Is this a normal reaction? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 689,"Title: why is it hard to shoot yourself in america Text: ⬆️ For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 690,"Title: I don't even know anymore Text: It's getting bad again. I realized I'm a horribly unlikable personality because i try so hard to be a social butterfly like other people, but it's going so wrong. No matter how I behave, it's wrong and unlikeable. I just want to be at peace and liked by people. I know this is pathetic and sad, but i just can't help myself. You know, sometimes death doesn't sound so bad. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 691,"Title: Lying to friends to get some space Text: Sometimes when depression hits really hard and I don’t wish to speak to anyone, I come up with lies about being busy so I don’t have to explain to anyone my mental state. I find it difficult to pretend to be okay or to be happy when I get like this. I also find it difficult to explain to friends what’s going on because honestly, I don’t want to. I just want to be alone until I feel better. I feel guilty that I lie about it but it feels like the best way - so that I don’t need to explain how bad my depression is when I don’t want to and so that I don’t have to worry anyone. Does anyone else do this? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 692,"Title: Something too good to believe Text: I have some things to tell that are too awful to believe. Here's one that is too good to believe.. in my opinion. TW: mild violence against ducks. I used to live by a small lake. I had to walk past it to reach the stairs to my apartment, I was on the third floor. Once I was walking by and I saw ducks mating. I froze. I remembered reading somewhere that because of the shape of a ducks peen vs duck vagina, all duck sex was painful. So I stood there and wondered if I was witnessing a rape. My mind was going a mile a second. I wondered where I read that and if it was a verifiable source (I'm p sure I saw it on FB or funnyjunk, not exactly scholarly). I wondered, even if it *was* painful, if it was my place to intervene. This was nature, and who am I? I wondered if I was projecting and if I would ever be able to stop. Would I always see rape everywhere? Forever? I wondered if she needed my help. I was staring at her, but she wasn't looking at me. I wanted her to *ask* for help. Then he pecked her on the head. It was hard, you guys. *That* felt rude. I was rushing over to kick him off before I even thought about it. I didn't kick him hard, just kinda nudged him off of her with my foot. I didn't want to punish him. I just wanted him to stop. I thought that would be the end of it, but... She followed me when I walked away. Was she was trying to stay safe? I made it to the stairs, but I hesitated; wouldn't he just start again after I left? He was hanging by. He was watching. Like he was waiting for her to be alone again. But that's crazy, I felt crazy thinking it. I didn't know what to do. I looked down at her. She was one of those brown ducks with green around the neck.. she was honestly lovely. Her beak was round and cute and bright. She was looking at me too. I know I was out of my mind back then, because I swear she was smiling at me. Her eyes looked so shiny, and I felt so thanked. Before I could do anything else, another duck came and put themselves between Mean Duck and Smiley Duck. Smiley smiled at me one last time and waddled off, with Protector Duck between. Mean Duck finally went back into the lake. I went home. I'll never forget about Smiley. That's why I'm posting this. So I never forget. I hate how indecisive I am. I hate how scared and unsure I feel all the time and I hate that I know it affects me. I hate that I know I project, but I can't stop anyway. I know I was raped and what it means AND what I can do about it, but it still hurts. It still fkn hurts anyway. But when I think of this memory, it feels like the Universe is comforting me for all those true things about me. It makes me feel like I'm more than what happened to me. It makes me feel like I can still belong in my moments exactly as I am. I hope you guys are having quiet, monumental and positive experiences too :) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 693,"Title: Gonna pull the trigger tonight Text: Fuck it For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 694,"Title: excuse Text: i fucked up my upper arm over fall break break after getting my hands on a sharp blade, i have school on monday and i need to change for pe, im not worried about my teachers but i am worried about other people seeing while im changing my shirt. how could i change without anybody seeing? i can wear short sleeves without it being visible btw. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 695,"Title: Life sucks so much sometimes Text: Like i feel like if i did end it, my mom would relish in not have to deal with me, or having attention or being freely single, but my Dad is the opposite, he is much more ""down to earth kinda guy, like if i killed myself he would care, but i dont want to hurt him or my Grandma or My Friends or Thier Family or anyone, like when i just wake up crying i want to go in her room and do it For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 696,"Title: Feeling lonely in a crowd Text: I'm a lonely person. Haven't had a companion since elementary school, if we exclude my siblings. The people I wanted to befriend in highschool rejected and shunned me in public. I was pathetic ... Noone is interested in a slow, good-for-nothing, untalented, socially anxious, depressed and OCD-ridden person who can't function without assistance I'm fine with the loneliness. I have noticed that I'm lonelier when surrounded by other people For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 697,"Title: my family keeps knifes in their room just in case i try to kill them (bc i cut myself) Text: i'm so fucking upset right now. i think i'm gonna be cutting all my ties from my family. they've been doing this thing for years where they reacted so poorly to me self harming that they've think i'm the craziest person on earth. one of my brothers doesn't want me around his son, doesn't want my other brothers to talk to me bc i self harm. they recently just told me that they keep knifes in their room and stay up until i'm sleep. they're scared of me...bc i self harm. my brother also told me ""people who cut themselves are delusional."" i'm the fucking nutcase of the family. the people try to avoid simply bc i have mental health issues. it's so fucked up. bc i've never physicality harmed or even implied a thing like that to my family. it makes me more isolated and suicidal. what should i do? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 698,"Title: I'm done Text: My Switch broke for no fucking reason. As stupid as it is, that was the only thing holding me together. I don't even know what happened to it. I'm probably just going to end it tonight. I've got nothing now For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 699,"Title: i know this is small, but im officially 1 week clean!! Text: i stockpiled blades right before quarentine really hit, so i definitely have the option to, but i didnt!!! i havent been clean for this long in 2 years so im really proud of myself!! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 700,"Title: How often do cuts get infected? Text: suppose you clean the blade after every time and use a bandage on the cuts, how likely is it to get infections? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 701,"Title: So... I just got ripped off during a drug deal gone wrong. And I'm done. Text: I've had a meth addiction for quite some time now. A few hours ago, I ended up buying some fake shit. Looked completely legit but wasn't. I had a fire in my stomach that hurt so bad I started bawling. I went to message the dude on my Facebook and found out he blocked me. So I sat there for about 5 minutes seething with rage. This is definitely not the first time this had happened. Suddenly, I started laughing. Not just giggling, but full blown hysterical howls of laughter. How stupid was I for allowing myself to get ripped off after several times of it happening?? I could have done something useful with that money. So I just shook my head, smiling, and got onto another Facebook account and messaged him. I simply said ""We both know what you did, and it's alright. Karma will take care of it. Peace."" I put my phone down and immediately got up,, put my meth pipe on the floor, and stomped it, shattering it. I'm done. Recovery is a long road. I've beaten heroin. I can do this. Wish me luck, Redditors. I will need it. I love you guys. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 702,"Title: Note to self: don’t sh on your ASS CHEEK Text: Been looking for a new spot to cut. Cant do my arms bc I wear short sleeves for work and I can’t do my legs bc I have trouble sleeping in pants (texture/restriction issues) and I sleep with my partner. Last night my brain said “oh ass cheek, no one will see it.” TL;DR: I’m a dumbass and I now sit lopsided until it heals a bit more :) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 703,"Title: I'm depressed but drunk ask me anything Text: I'm in a party, I'm drunk, I've drink to much and now I'm dizzy, ask me anything For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 704,"Title: I'm so frickin lonely and have no one to talk to Text: Moved to a new city a year ago. Because of Covid and the huge amount of work I had, I didn't realize how lonely I truly am until now. First weekend off in months and I just feel horrible. Just had a panic attack and then cried after that realization. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 705,"Title: To the guy I saw walking around campus today Text: I saw you walking into the arts building, rocking them short sleeves, I saw the scars, You give me confidence, keep it up, You're doing amazing For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 706,"Title: I just lost a friend and don’t have the social skills to get new ones Text: I used to have a friend who I also worked with. We used to be close and had a lot in common but he’s been slowly distancing himself and not being happy to see me. I don’t understand what the hell I did but I don’t see the point of continuing on like this. I don’t have the social skills to make new friends as I know people will recommend me get new friends to replace him. So I would need to improve my social skills which god only knows how long that will take before I can make new friends. I’m about to be done with life, my life has been nothing but miserable in regards to social situations. Thank you for listening to my vent, I hope you all can get out of this hell and life a good life. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 707,"Title: Was sexually harassed/racially fetishized over a year ago, but did nothing about it. Horribly unhappy. Text: I’m a black male bartender in a small restaurant- the only black person working here, actually. worked my way up from being a dishwasher to where I’m at now, and for that I’m proud of myself and can thank a few of my coworkers for giving me advice on how to be better. Around January - March of 2021, I ended up getting a closing shift alone with this guy. He always struck me as weird and a bit awkward, but overall cool. We’d joke and shit, like most bartenders do, and one day he made a completely out of the blue comment in response to a regular customer of ours who always tipped me very nicely. He said, “ She just wants your BBC, bro.” Since he was so quiet and pretty much never talked, for that to be his first real joke was hilarious to me. You know how it is when that weird quiet guy makes his first joke. This made me realize he was likely a closeted gay man, though. Anyway, after that it was like every time he and I were alone and I said anything he’d start making inappropriate comments about black mens’ genitalia to me - a black man. This went on for months, and I felt I had nobody to turn to. Our manager was in and out of the hospital with cancer, and ended up leaving the job unceremoniously. I had no faith in our “corporate” office because they’re really just a bunch of accountants. All the coworkers I told about it thought it was funny and my close friend who also works there said I was lying and I see him talking to the guy everyday like he didn’t sexually harass one so his closest friends. Just to name a few of the comments he’s made: “These customers tip you because they know about your BBC” “The #1 BBC in charge” “A real man is 10 inches long”(this is the one that made me stop talking to him whatsoever over a year ago) I work with him over half my days, and it’s difficult. I gotta go through a whole shift with a guy I don’t wanna talk to, and keep in mind he also fucking sucks at this job. I probably handled it all completely wrong, but it’s been so long I know I can’t report him to anyone now. Everyday at work is frustrating and I’m just mad when I go home. I’m looking for another job, and I guess I made this post just to vent. I can’t take much more. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 708,"Title: How to Explain Employment Gap Text: My girlfriend was raped late last year and had to withdraw from her last semester of grad school. She has since returned and will graduate 1 semester late. She's now trying to find jobs, but the industry she's in is highly competitive and full of people who would see graduating a semester late as a sign of weakness or look down on it. Naturally, she doesn't want to explain what happened. So far the best we have come up with is just saying she had a medical emergency and had to withdraw for the semester. I think the worst part right now is honestly the feeling of lost hope, more than just the difficulty of getting an employer to overlook the semester gap. If anyone has any helpful tips, experience, or just words of assurance, it would really be appreciated. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 709,"Title: I'm a mess Text: First time poster here, longtime lurker..... My abusive ex got out of prison last Friday and I feel like I've regressed 2 years with my complex PTSD I feel like I'm losing a grip on reality. He's going to find me: I can feel it in my bones and I have no fight left in me. I can't seem to function properly and things are all getting blurry. I'm on medication and spiralled so much the other day paramedics were called and basically told me if I don't go willingly they would get the police to forcibly escorts me to hospital as I ""was not of sound mind"". I didn't want to to leave the house and was panicking like crazy and very distressed and upset contributing to me looking like a crazy person ""not of sound mind""!! I had to chip out of the hospital once they'd booked me in to be assessed, which was not my proudest moment. I've lost a day today, achieved nothing and seem to be losing time. I'm scared to sleep because of the nightmares, drinking way too much, being completely unproductive. I'm jumping at any little noise. Is this normal?? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 710,"Title: I don’t think I’m doing therapy correctly Text: I’ve had several bouts of therapy intermittently over the last 10 years but I’ve never really found it helpful. I’m dreading my session tomorrow, i know it will just be me talking about my recent breakup and the things surrounding that. But that’s it. I already know why I ended my relationship and that it’s just a matter of time and readjustment before I begin to feel better. I find that in therapy I rarely learn anything new about myself or anything other than just what I’ve read online. Has anyone had this before? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 711,"Title: Feel stupid for Not suing Text: Several months ago I was hired for a job with a good base salary plus commission it was obviously a sales position the hiring process consisted of three lengthy interviews . The first interview was with one of the owners who was the acting manager I was to interview with the second owner and before that took place the first owner started sexually harassing me it started off subtle where he was inviting me into the club so I thought he just wanted me to learn more about the facility then that quickly turned to him inviting me for a drink and then flirtatious texts I kept my texts we focusing on business and my interview process he asked me out to go to clubs in Miami very assertive Lee because I declined and he kept on insisting that I show up and I just kept declining. This made me very uncomfortable and I called my recruiter who had set up the interview in the first place and told him what was going on he just laughed it off I felt responsible because if I got the job then obviously I received good money as well as my recruiter would receive money and this man was Israeli who was in this country for one year and I felt I didn't want to upset his wife if she found anything out. he then insisted that I meet him at the Trump Hotel and he put my hand on his bleep and obviously wanted me to get a room I made it very clear to him I am just here for business and that was that I did my second interview then my third interview all these interviews lasted for hours as soon as I began work it was a hostile environment . Everyday I showed up on time did everything I was told and every day they were late as well as we're not helpful at all I kept having to ask several times for anything needed as this was my training. And the day I was to work on my own I did really well and then he has me come in to let me go I had about 60 text messages and I had deleted them again this was always about thinking of his wife it sounds ridiculous maybe to somebody but I would never want to hurt an innocent party it's only now I realize why did I delete those messages I could have had millions of dollars by now there was Major evidence as well as the bartender at the Trump Hotel and the hostile work environment and being let go for no reason when I asked him the reason he says I don't know just feel not a good fit. That's not even a valid reason I had such a good case that a lawyer would have had a field day with that is definite money now I am struggling and I feel incredibly stupid. I have always been a very loving generous respectful person and I have never consciously caused harm to people. That was my mindset at the time not to cause anybody any harm mean while I was harmed and I just feel really stupid now like wow what a f****** mistake Does anybody know anything about if the cloud or a cloud would store those messages and is there a way to retrieve them. A week after this happened I tried using some kind of software to retrieve them and they didn't show up so does anybody know a hell of a lot about technology and if those text messages or somehow stored somewhere and retrievable Also has anybody else gone through anything similar or made a mistake that they lost out on a great Fortune of money For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 712,"Title: spiraled and scratched myself Text: hey guys :’) these past couple weeks have been the absolute worst. the shittiest in fact :’/ i had a complete meltdown today and i couldnt control my whole self i scratched my face. i left 3 stretched wounds on one cheek as a result from scratching. they bled quite excessively and now its red and i feel so bad that id do that to myself. i keep thinking that i deserve this pain inflicted by my own self cause i was so anxious and sad and totally at my breaking point :’/ idk what to feel rn :’/ it hurts a lot after putting some aloe on it to heal. i feel so shitty you guys :’/ sigh i wanted punch the wall so badly but logically it’d break my knuckles so no :’/ so i ended up scratching my face :’) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 713,"Title: I miss him and I feel like he's won. Text: It's been almost 4 months since he was evicted and I miss him off and on. I just don't let him know this or speak to him. Now tonight I'm just missing him more and more and have urges to speak to him. I want to unblock him and talk to him. I know what it is. There was a trigger yesterday when a guy next door to me slammed his door out of anger. I did go out and yell at this man and told him don't him don't dare slam that door again or I'll call the cops. I have wired vibes about this man since he moved in next door recently. So I know how to stand up for myself, but it's not that. I just feel like I was better off having my abusive ex bf with me because I wouldn't have to be alone and deal with being scared of other males. He wouldn't let anyone near me. I know part of the trigger is this, and also being unhappy and feeling vulnerable and unsafe where I live. I do love him but that's not the trigger right now. ​ I haven't just been sitting around and have actually been attending job interviews, classes and got my learners license just today. I've been trying to get the hell out of here to live somewhere better, safe, and actually have a happy life. Honestly I feel like he's won as he's gone on to stay in the city at his guy friend's place, and he already works and didn't even have to worry about money and struggle like I'm going to now. When I was with him most of his money went to his gambling, drugs and alcohol, not even to his rent. But I still feel like he doesn't have to struggle like I do now as he actually makes good money. I was supposed to move out with him until I broke up with him and had him kicked out due to DV. Sometimes I regret not leaving with him. He was trying to talk me into it. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 714,"Title: will therapist or counselors report sexual assault? Text: basically this ^ For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 715,"Title: need help getting away from my partner Text: My boyfriend has just moved into my flat and given up his own flat. I have not been happy for a while because of his drug and drink use and anger problems. He drinks everyday and then gets angry and takes it out on me. He doesn't beat the shit out of me or anything like that but he has hurt me multiple times and has said if it doesn't leave a mark it doesn't count. He is manipulative and uses violence and aggression to get me to do what he wants. He's totally unreasonable when he's drunk and often starts arguments with himself then blames me. I learnt just to not say anything or answer back but I still somehow get the blame. Ive told him I don't want to be with him and I want him to move out. Then he gets angry saying I made him give up his flat for no reason, he's got nowhere to go and I'm doing this deliberately to mess with his head and that I'm trying to make him kill himself. I said he could stay here while he tries to find somewhere but he's not even looking and after he calms down he pretends like I never asked him to move out and everything is ok again. Last night when he was drunk he grabbed me round the throat. I'm pregnant and this is the last straw for me. I want him out now but I'm too scared to say anything to him again and I know he won't leave anyway so I've decided I will leave and give him a couple of weeks to sort himself out and get somewhere to stay. Only problem is I have absolutely no money and nowhere to go. I just can't stand to be around him anymore, I never know what's going to set him off, normally nothing, and he keeps acting like nothings wrong and trying to hug me and touch me and I don't want to be anywhere near him. What do I do? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 716,"Title: It IS for attention. I do it for the attention. Text: People always think self harmers are attention seekers. And truthfully, many of them ARE. Yes, many are not. ""Attention-seeker"" is not a word I would use but it does work. And yes, they need help. Self harm is self harm. I want people to notice my scars. I leave my sleeves down extremely slightly if anyone notices. I want someone to approach me and aks if I'm okay. I want people to know I'm in pain. I'm not good at verbalizing this stuff. I can't talk about it, and self harm is the only expression I have to convey my emotional state to people. It's bad, yes. It's ""self-harm worthy"" bad. Please stop calling people attention seekers and putting them down for it. Sometimes, people just really are screaming out for help in front of your face and you make fun of them for it. Edit: I love how many people can relate to this post. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 717,"Title: Does anyone else have this experience? (TW - Possible s*icidal ideation description) Text: Does anyone think about slitting an artery and bleeding out? And if so, do you feel a strange sense of calm when fantasizing this? I was suicidal a year ago, but have since then made the decision to stay because I will not be complacent to my demons, and I will not settle for staying in my shithole and giving up because I am made for more than that. However, recently I've been so f\*cking frustrated with a lot of things that I found myself basically ""daydreaming"" about slitting my throat as well as my ulnar artery. These thoughts were so calming and that scares me. I thought about bleeding out and where I would be and what would happen afterwards, etc. Just writing this out really scares me. Fantasizing about bleeding out brought my mind so much comfort, but that's so f\*cked up. I don't know how to take any of that. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 718,"Title: Please read. I need help Text: Hi guys. So I have posted previously but I really need help. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 7 1/2 years. He has become very emotionally and verbally abusive. Slightly physical, as he will throw pillows at me, or shampoo bottles etc, he’s also pushed me into walls before. I’m in such a hard place, I don’t know what to do. I want to leave, but I’m scared. Also the thought of him with another girl gets me super super jealous and I think that plays a part in why I can’t leave. I have a whole album on my phone (it’s hidden so he can’t see it) of videos, screenshots, pictures.. of him screaming at me, calling me names, hitting me with pillows really hard in the back of the head. My parents also think we broke up months ago, but I’ve been hiding it from them so they have no idea what I’m going through. I cry everyday. I also pay for everything, so I always have to make sure I have money or else he gets upset. But when he has money he spends it all right away :( For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 719,"Title: I want to make a decision. Text: I'm constantly stuck in this place of 'Why bother if I'm gonna die anyway' and 'Maybe everything will be okay somehow and it'll all be worth it' so I'm not putting enough effort in everything to matter, all while feeling miserable. Should I or should I not? I don't really see any meaning behind all lives are precious, and if I'm going to die then I want to be over it quick. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 720,"Title: clothes Text: just wore a heavy sweater dress today to cover up the new scars on my arm but it’s not long enough to cover the scars on my legs that are just above my knees. i went outside to greet my mother and this is how the conversation went: me: “hello” *waves* mother: “hello....what is that?” me: “what?” mother: “on your legs” *makes a swiping motion over her leg* i didn’t even answer her. i just looked away and was silent. i don’t get it... i’ve told her i’ve cut before, she’s seen me in a swimsuit before. idk the whole thing made me uncomfortable and i started crying while heating up some rice and beans. pathetic. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 721,"Title: I think I am never gonna find love ever. Text: I have been single for last 3 years. Survived covid, employment, toxic workplace, depression, being broke, cheated on, getting dumped. Not in that order though. Finally got my life back on track have stable job now, good health, no addictions, clean as a whistle, have my own business, have big dreams to follow. But all this I did without anyone helpung me out. I just want some level of peace at the end of the day that I have someone too. Friends have drifted apart there's no one to talk to after a long day. I don't know what I am doing with my life. But I am not liking this misery of loneliness. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 722,"Title: Getting hate cuz of religion Text: Hi im Muslim teenager i have a lot of friends in reddit 2 years ago slowly im losing some friends from reddit literally everyone hates me just cuz im Muslim when they see a community that im in They start calling me a terrorist just cuz im Muslim and all my friends start blocking me and reporting me i got a lot of reports after 7 hours i got suspended from Reddit permanently this is my new account btw why just why ? Don’t dm me For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 723,"Title: i just made the deepest cut Text: well two hours ago but i am still sitting here watching it bleed a little. and now i regret in a big way doing it, because it is in so visible place on my ankle. I only make these not-so-smart cuts (no cut is samrt but u get it) when i am very emotional. I have one on my palm back, which everyone has seen but not really reacte. it is funny how i did that one in the middle of our final exams and when my mom asked me where it had came from, i told her the truth and she was like ""wow just dont do that again"". But the one on my ankle looks exactly a sh cut done with a blade. I love it but the consequences of my familymember seeing that, might be tragic because they would start actually thinking what is going on. I wish i didn't have to care about my family seeing my scars. edit: 3h has past and it still bleeds lol but just a little though For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 724,"Title: i cut my wrists Text: i never do that. never. after my mom found out i've avoided my arms as much as possible. but i just did it. my mom will definitely see them. she will see, that's guaranteed. and i know i should feel fear. i should be scared because i kow she will slit her wrists and make me watch if she finds out i relapsed. i should be afraid but i'm not. i don't feel anything. why don't i feel anything. my surroundings don't feel real. i dont feel real. i want to go home but i'm home For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 725,"Title: Trying to be better Text: 34M USA- posting here for a level of accountability for myself. I’m finding more and more the time I’m spending or Reddit is depressing me- I usually just lurk around r/popular so I really just see what’s trending and honestly there’s so much horrible stuff happening in the world that I’m finding it harder and harder to enjoy cute, wholesome or fun stories without being overly cynical about them. I feel like it’s eating away at all my positivity and faith in humanity. Im planning on deleting tiktok and reddit app as its they’re only social media I have left that I use and find the endless scrolling so absorbing and addictive. I’ve put together a list of daily goals for my own improvement that include exercise, practising music, playing games with my son and cleaning/tidying bits of the house. Before I sign off Reddit, does anyone have any helpful tips or activities that helped focus them? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 726,"Title: This is by far the loneliest and saddest birthday I ever had Text: I'm literally just sitting here playing games, hoping something falls on my head. From minute to minute the need for inflicting pai.n or more raises... For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 727,"Title: Constantly brought back in the same patterns or evading Text: Hello there, I wanted to vent out some mental anguish I've been having in the last couple of years that I never seem to get out time after time. And I have no idea what to do anymore. Since I was 17 (currently 24) I've had a coping mechanism of completely shutting out everything and everyone around me when life starts getting just a tad challenging (such as having a lot of work to do, having some small relational problems, stuff of everyday life that isn't of big consequence per say) and stay in my bed, looking at my computer and letting time pass while I let down every responsibility I may have. May it be school or work or friends or just eating and taking care of myself. I shut it all down These habits of mine aren't anything new and since it has been happening in repetition during the last 7 years I seem to have completely lost interest in getting better or having the motivation to better myself. My family and close friends all know of my fragile mental state and it seems that the further more that it happens the more i distance myself from them and the more they realize that trying to help me out is very draining to them mentally. The only thing that bring me slight dopamine is playing video games (which I am probably addicted to) and I seem to be very indifferent to my situation, my sorrow or anything in my life. I feel like ive been depressed and demotivated for so long that I dont know how I will get out this one or if im stuck constantly hurting others around me because of my lack of responsibility and presence. I feel lost without any guide towards to or any plan to head out towards to. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 728,"Title: I regret threatening and hurting people Text: Where to get help from? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 729,"Title: how do i stop? Text: i self harm. it’s not a super regular thing, but i just relapsed yesterday. i don’t know why i do it — it’s like a weird addiction. i do it anytime i *can*; not when i’m sad or mad or anything, but if the option is there, i do it. i want to stop, because i can’t trust myself when i’m alone. the cleanup process is so annoying and i hate having to hide it, but i still can’t stop. how do i stop this impulsiveness? i’ve tried all the coping mechanisms but nothing works. i am scared of blood and pain so i know it’s not a craving for that. i think i get competitive or something because i see other scars. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 730,"Title: I found out my parents lied to me about the man who raped me going to jail. Text: When I was 8 I was kidnapped and raped. After it I was so scared to go outside in case he got me again. My parents told me the guy was caught and went to jail. I'm 14 now and just found out they lied to make me feel safe. He did not get caught. He is still out there. He could be still doing it. Now I can't go outside again. I am too scared. I know in my head that he won't get me again because I am to old but in my heart I don't know that and I am scared. My nightmares are back. I jump from hearing any noise out of my house or hearing a car in the street. I am angry at my parents for lying but also angry they told me the truth now because they made me scared all over again. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 731,"Title: Is it rape if I was forced/pressured into it so I just gave in? Text: I met this boy. He was the most popular boy in our school. I was a shy, antisocial, quiet freshman at the time and he was a loud, extroverted, popular senior. We started talking and we confessed feelings to each other. I really liked him because he was one of the only guys that doesn’t talk dirty right away. We didn’t even talk dirty at all. We then decided to hang out. I went to a park and he met me there. Once he got there he started kissing me and getting really touchy…. He grabbed my hand and put it on his penis over his pants. I was nervous so I kinda just left my hand there. He then started touching me and putting his hand on my area. He tried rubbing my vagina over my pants. He never asked if I was okay with it… he just kinda did it. Then he pulled down his pants and wanted me to jerk him off. I was really hesitant about it even though there was no one at the park. I didn’t really want to, but I did it anyway. Then he repeatedly kept asking me to give him head. I said multiple times I didn’t feel comfortable with it especially in such a public place. But I kinda just did it because I didn’t want him to be upset and not like me anymore. ImHe then asked if we wanted to go in the woods right next to the park for more privacy and I really didn’t want to. But as you can probably tell, ofc I did what he wanted. I sucked him off and then he started undressing me. I quickly pulled away because I did Not want sex. It was all moving way too fast for me. He didn’t listen and still pulled my pants down. He said “it’ll be fine cmon please I really like you” He told me to lay on the tree, hesitantly I layed down on the tree that was on the ground. I kept using my hoodie to cover my vagina but he just kept moving my hand. He asked if I wanted sex and I told him I said no multiple times. He was asking so much that i just gave in and let him. He didn’t even have a condom. He finished in me. After, he completely ignored me, left me in the woods to get dressed by myself while he sat on the picnic tables at the park. He started calling me annoying cuz I wasn’t able to give him a ride home so he had to walk. He literally only talked to me twice after the sex. Then he stopped texting me and he moved to a different state. I don’t really know what to think. I had been raped by a 33 year old guy I met online a week prior to this situation. I just don’t know what to think about this situation. Was it rape? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 732,"Title: Abuser ended up contacting me. Text: Hi. I wrote a post about fleeing abusive ex recently. So 4 days after leaving him he texted me asking ""Are you safe?"" He then texted saying ""Are you going to pick up the rest of your things and drop the key off?"" afterwards he called me twice. Firstly I don't want those items. I took basics that I needed as I was focused on getting out alive. And secondly rent is paid until Tuesday so the key isn't due back yet, and when it is that will be sorted with the landlady, not through abusive ex. There's not one reason for him to be contacting me right now. Nothing will make me respond to him at this point. Any time I'd try to leave or leave he would use anything to get control back including throwing away my belongings or insisting I need to return to the room to hand him the key. I'm litterely still in physical pain from what he's done and I can't believe he thinks he's entitled to a response this second. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 733,"Title: Guilt Text: For anyone who has had to report sexual harassment in the workplace, did you experience guilt for filing a report? I’ve had to report someone I work with for on going inappropriate comments and behaviors but I feel deep down they are not a bad person. He just doesn’t understand boundaries and where the line is. I was told by his supervisor that it’s a “fireable offense” and I feel immensely guilty for potentially ruining this person’s life even though I know what he is doing and saying to me is not right. If you’ve dealt with this, how did you get past the guilt? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 734,"Title: I’m exactly 100 days free of self harm today! Text: I’ve been working so hard to get here and it feels so amazing to see my progress. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 735,"Title: A waste of existence. Text: I am a waste. I know I am. This is pointless. Nothing helps, I keep trying but why. So I can do it again and again and again. Wake up take meds go to bed repeated ad infinitum. I have no job. I do nothing. My meds make me exhausted and I'm on so many of them. I feel empty. Hopeless. Useless. I am on new anti depressant meds. I take it along with my old one. I'm feeling suicidal again. I want everything to just stop bothering me. I hate my existence, Ive decided to just stop contacting anyone at this point. I think it's my meds but how can I tell when I feel the same anyways. I want to be dead. I have no interest in trying anymore. It's like no matter what I do no one cares. I missed my therapy appointment where I could have talked about this and now I have to wait a month because of no availability. I keep popping more and more pills for no reason. The doctors just keep adding them, they won't stop. I hate myself I'm just a worthless pile of flesh that lays in bed all day too scared to go outside. I want help but even when people give it to me it just slips from my hands because I don't know how to hold onto it. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 736,"Title: trying to decide if i want to live or not Text: i can't deny that life is a beautiful thing, and i'd love to continue on here but i just can't do it like this. i've been burdened with some obstacles that i just can't seem to overcome. i'm hoping that in my next life, i'll be reincarnated as someone or something else. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 737,"Title: I was a harrasser Text: Hi all, I'm hoping you guys can provide some advice or support. I was harassing a girl at work for around a year. I thought I loved her, but now I'm not so sure. Regardless, she hates my guts (totally acceptable and justified) and I'm struggling to make things work on a professional basis. Last year my mental health was awful, and while that doesn't justify my behaviour, it does provide context into the matter. I would message her and contact her both in and out of work. I wasn't aware that I was making her uncomfortable and I deeply regret it. I was extremely paranoid at the time so if I did notice it, I couldn't be sure if it was the case. I even asked her a few times if I was upsetting her, to which she responded no. This went on for around 9 months before I became aware through a colleague that I was making her uncomfortable. I reported myself to HR and it went to a tribunal. It was very likely that I could of been fired. I didn't in the end due to context around our friendship before the messages, my mental health and other factors. I instead was given a final warning, of which I was very grateful. But now I have to deal with the hardest part, I have to work with her and make sure I don't ruin this one chance I've been given. I keep out of her way and only contact her if it's work related. But everytime I feel sick and terrible. This isn't about me, I know that, but I feel my mental health has declined significantly since the hearing. I know we won't be friends again, and that I was a terrible person. I'm hoping some of you can give me some advice about how to move on and deal with the situation that I created. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 738,"Title: What should I do about a ""friend"" who has sexually harassed female students in the past? Text: I (19F) say ""friend"" (19M) but really he just happened to be in my friendship group, otherwise I wouldn't consider him to be my friend. We'll call him ""X"". Idk if it's worth mentioning our group is mostly men with 2-3 women. I started feeling really uncomfortable with his obsession with random women who barely know of his existence and the fact he constantly talks about them randomly for no reason e.g. when we're doing schoolwork. On top of that he had a girlfriend. Most of my friends just find him funny, other than that I don't know if they hold any other opinions about him Recently, one of my friends (19M) ""Y"" brought X up to me. He said that he was wary of X because of what happened last year. None of us apart from Y knew X from last year. He said that X was reported to have sent unsolicited nudes of himself to girls in our school. He would constantly ask people for a specific girl(s) socials and call some of them his ""girlfriend"" when they barely spoke to him, and he wouldn't stop when they asked him to. Apparently authorities were called to investigate this, but I don't know what they did. I'm aware people change, but he is giving me so many red flags and I find him creepy and annoying. I don't really know what to do with the information Y gave me other than being wary of X. I don't know if I should tell anybody else, as neither me or Y want to cause any issues as he hasn't done anything wrong yet during the time i've met him (if you ignore last year) other than being weird and obsessive. Edit: Just wanted to add before Y told me any info, X sort of stole from me. I was laying my head on a table when I heard him take something on my table. When I asked why he did that without asking, he responded with ""i didn't think it would matter because you were sleeping"". I began to feel really uncomfortable around him For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 739,"Title: I cut myself today so much that it's impossible for me to hide it for the rest of my life, and I am devastated and distraught Text: My personal loneliness and desire combined with the extreme pressures from work caused me to have a mental breakdown in the parking lot of where I was about to meet one of the most prominent figures in the country (for work). I missed that chance because I collapsed under myself and I couldn't handle my own existence. I cut myself with my pocketknife on my arm more than every other time combined, and it's visible everywhere on my forearm. I'll never escape this the rest of my life, and I cost myself an incredible opportunity. And I can't tell anyone without it threatening my job. I need someone to know how badly I fucked up. I'm 23 and a guy by the way For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 740,"Title: Today I filed an order of protection Text: Today I filed an order of protection against my husband. The emotional abuse is overwhelming and his behavior is erratic at the least and psychotic at it’s worst. He is an active addict and I hope he gets himself the help he needs. we have 3 children, please keep us in your thoughts (or prayers if that’s your thing) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 741,"Title: Fast Sleep Sounds to Help Relax and relieve Stress Text: This channel helps me so much! www.youtube.com/FastSleepSounds For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 742,"Title: Toxic traits Text: I don’t post in here much and just wanted to ask something I was in a relationship with my abuser for 5 years and as I’m trying to still put myself together I feel like I’ve adapted some of his toxic traits. I don’t know how to make them stop like I feel like I lose my cool more often then I used to. I don’t hurt anyone but I yell a lot now when I once used to be so quiet. Is that normal? That’s my question. Is it normal for these actions? Will it pass? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 743,"Title: Life doesn't ""get better"" unless you take actions to MAKE it better. But depression itself can make it impossible to act Text: Exercise/physical activity, eating healthy, spending time in nature, finding a hobby are all things that are supposed to ""be good for your mental health""... but by definition, depression is a problem *precisely because* it inhibits your inability to function, much less do things that are good for you. Finding a therapist, trialling multiple therapists to see which one suits me best, or even starting on antidepressants and having to check in with a doctor/psychiatrist every few weeks, or having to change medications because one might fuck up my head even more, or not even work... all takes so much fucking effort that I can't bother to do any of it. I went to a counsellor at my university earlier this year, and they suggested things like group therapy for my anxiety and volunteering for causes because that can give people a sense of purpose in day to day life... and I just didn't know how to tell them, that is exactly the problem, *I have utterly no will to do any of that and that's why I'm sitting in your office right now and I don't know what anyone can possibly do about me being this way*. If people with depression were able to so easily do things to help themselves, we wouldn't need to classify it as an 'illness' or 'disorder'. That's why it's so infuriating when we see how even 'professional' mental health advocacy organizations repeat the hackneyed slogans which I cannot understand how they are even still in mass circulation. It's so irrational and frustrating that I'm physically able to take ten steps out of the house to just go on a goddamn walk, but I have absolutely no mental will to do anything but lie in bed. Only listening to music is the only action that can be done purely passively with no effort whatsoever, but then I just get sad and start spiralling from guilt. And I can't stop thinking about how irrational it is, even though I've experienced it for so many years. I'm constantly surprising myself from my own incompetence, as if I ever expected anything different. More than hopelessness, I just feel confused as to what I'm supposed to do when I can't will myself to do anything. What even is this anymore? Edit: Thank you for all the comments. I didn’t expect to get any response. It’s hard to describe, but I feel very moved that there are people out there that I reached in a small way for a short moment of time. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 744,"Title: Sprayed with showerhead. Text: Hello, I've been lurking subreddits related to abuse and decided to create an account and post my story. A few weeks ago, he had woken up late in the afternoon after gaming and drinking all night, and got in the shower as I was trying to get ready for work. As I was brushing my teeth (at least had to do that), he took the detachable showerhead and hosed me down with it. The hatred in his face when I turned around to face the water while in shock...He said I intentionally burned him... Though the faucet water was on for 3 seconds. And he gaslit my son afterwards, cuddling him while rationalizing the abuse... A week before this happened, I told him I no longer wanted to be in this marriage. I contacted the domestic violence center in my county and have been stressed 1000% since then. Still working, still mothering, but sneaking around planning and trying to leave. The pro bono attorneys are backed up and I probably won't hear from them until next week. He has always toed the line, never touching me but yelling, cursing, name calling, ""everything is your fault""...he doesn't work, doesn't parent, spends all his awake time with his online buddies. So in addition, I am dealing with economic abuse. I am trying to hide money to leave; I've been squirreling away money with my sister. I was searching here for abusive actions similar to pouring liquids, spraying water, but I couldn't find much. So I am telling my story in case someone else is experiencing the same and rationalizing it wasn't actual hitting. I am numb and frightened. I don't know how I am going to do this, but I have to for the sake of my children. Edited: proofread after posting For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 745,"Title: How do you report sexual assault/sexual harassments of a minor in school? Text: When I was in high school I witnessed many girls (most freshmen) having sexually explicit conversations, being groped and having their ""assets"" stared at by our school resource officers. (all of them grown men over the age of). Its been happening since I graduated (a year ago) me and a mutual friend, now have siblings in that high school have been a victims of sexual harassment. There have been instances of him tackling very small girls in fights (which he is not allowed to do, but has used the excuse that he was ""trying to break up the fight"") and hurting them. we have went to the board and to principals and teachers but nothing has been done, this is going on 5 years, what do we do? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 746,"Title: Yea I Know this place is about preventing but Text: My life has gone into so much shit it's unbelievable, if someone could help point me to a subreddit that helps with actually doing suicide than thanks and please do. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 747,"Title: Just got a cease and desist… Text: I was raped by my ex-boyfriend almost two months ago… Today, I received a cease and desist from his lawyer to take back my police report on the incident. He states I am doing this because he broke up with me, but I broke up with him. I have numerous screenshots of him admitting he raped me, the bruises, cuts on my genitals and the text messages of where I broke up with him. I cannot believe this is happening right now. I’m in shock. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 748,"Title: How to meditate properly/know if I’m accomplishing anything with it? Text: I have anxiety/anger issues/intrusive thoughts and would like the to learn how to coach myself onto a better mental path when these issues get bad. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 749,"Title: Finding peace finally after leaving my abusive husband. Text: Hello, I (29F) posted a couple weeks ago about leaving my abusive husband (30M) after he beat the shit out of me, it’s been a month now. I’m the happiness I have ever been in my life, there are days I’m still angry and miss him but for the most part I’m finally at peace with it. ’m I’m so grateful to not be degraded and belittled anymore, I no longer walk on egg shells around him or feel like I’m not good enough, I never have to wonder who he is taking too, or what BS story he is going to tell others about me. I have realized my self worth again, and that most people enjoy my company and i laugh a lot more. I lost my marriage, my house and most of my decor and wedding gifts but you know what I don’t care, I got out. I have a beautiful baby on the way, ( which he wants nothing to with he recently found out) typically abuser shit, I feel like I have finally got justice for all the years of hell. I’m not sure which direction my life is going to go in but I know it won’t be filled with abuse, self pity and anger anymore. Anyone out there, just do what is best for you and your happiness will always shine again. Who thought going through a criminal case, baby on the way would bring me peace i haven’t felt in years. Keep your head up. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 750,"Title: My adoptive father is raping me Text: It started a few months after I was adopted when I was adopted when I was 9 and moved to a different country. I’m 16 now and he’s been doing it to me everyday, every single day. I can’t call any hotlines, I can’t reach out to anyone, I can’t trust anyone and I have no friends. I’m all alone. I’m risking so much just posting on Reddit. Every moment I’m not at school he’s by me, I have to sleep next to him, eat next to him and even shower while with him. It’s affected me so much to the point where I’m developing severe mental problems and suicidal thoughts and I have so many delusions that are taking a toll on me. Please help me how do I reach out to someone how do I find someone to reach out to that I can trust For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","childabuse_endangerment_ongoing, rape_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 751,"Title: is it normal? Text: When i'm having a panic attack or just am stressed my wrists (like my veins?? idk how to explain it) hurt and usually also my fingers. I feel like I need to rip it off and it doesn't go away for a long time except when I sh :/ any suggestions what it might be? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 752,"Title: I think Im on the verge of a relapse Text: I stopped my anti-depressants 9 months ago. I thought I solved all of my problems: my grades are good, I got over my breakup, my relationship with my parents is good, I made many new friends and fixed burned bridges. But this month has been so tough for me. My motivation has been depleted, I've noticed that Im more irritable, and I'm starting to have suicidal thoughts again. Im also just...tired. Im starting to suspect that this is due to seasonal changes because my depression first started around late september/early october but idk. Has anyone else experienced the same thing For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 753,"Title: tired Text: i feel so tired. i’ve been exhausted lately. all i do is lay in bed and fantasize about killing myself. i don’t have anyone to turn to anymore. my body feels physically ill everyday. when will this end For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 754,"Title: Just a 21 year old ranting about LIFE Text: I don't know what is wrong with me. I'm lost of what to do. So, right now, I feel like the dumbest person on Earth. I failed being in a relationship, I failed to go for higher education, I let my friends and family down constantly, the list goes on and on. Everyday, I try to take it in little by little, but it doesn't feel like I'm going anywhere. It's been about 3 years now that I've been feeling this way. I ask myself everyday, ""what do I want for myself?"", I do come up with a few things but I don't have the necessary tools I need to do it. Can someone tell me what I'm doing wrong? Can I be proud of myself without the guilt of my past?... Who ever made it to this point, thanks for giving your time. I just needed to let that out of my system. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 755,"Title: During been assaulted I orgasmed. I hate my body. Text: I was assaulted 6 months ago. I've never told anyone what happened to me, I'm just coping with it myself and it's extremely difficult. The rape was bad enough to happen but having orgasms made it feel even worse. I hate my body for reacting that way it was very humiliating and confusing. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 756,"Title: Im lost Text: Hi guys Im trying my best to do well in grad school and by well I mean to pass but all I hear from others is how drank they got etc. Its not my cup of tea to go ""clubbing""(?)and i cant find a single friend to survive it. Im lost, everybody is talking about clubs, women, what did and didnt do on the weekends, and I am trying my best to find that one person that i can rely on and vice versa. Im lost, alone and sad most of times and when i hear all of that stuff people do my derpression is killing me inside. My brother told me not to worry, and that they\`re stupid to waste time partying all week long but sadness and loneliness and sadness is killing me inside Sorry to ask but can anyone talk to me( i struggle a lot in social stuff) P.S. All of my colleagues, classmates or just people that i have nothing to do with but are in my group think studying is worthless(At least 95% of ppl). For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 757,"Title: My girlfriend was raped Text: it happened before we met, I ache so much whenever I think about it and I can't even imagine her trauma. I try to be as cautious as possible not to tigger unwanted memories but I want to know if there's anything more I can do to help her overcoming it and letting her trauma behind. edit : we're women For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 758,"Title: I will stop helping I don't really deserve it Text: Why do I help people who have problem why I interfere them. It's just it's my decision to help them out. I always think about myself why do I help them. Maybe I'm just being too nice, I can't even help all of people out there. And I don't belong here because I interfere too much. I self harm earlier I regret doing it why Do I have to self harm? just because of this useless thoughts. I don't know I'm really weak af. Someone is cared about me but I feel like I just wasted thier effort because I'm just a piece of shit. I really wish I don't exist anymore. I don't want them to suffer because of me. I'm being too sensitive now I don't really know what happened to me. Even it hurt me a little it making me urge to do self harm. I'm even mentally well idk I don't want to call I'm depressed or something because, It is really not worse is my problem is. I'm just being too weak. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 759,"Title: I am here to listen to you. Text: If anybody just want to vent how they are feeling , i want them to know that I am here to listen you and won't judge you . For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 760,"Title: I witnessed domestic violence at work (parent on child). Should I contact CPS? Text: I work at a grocery store bakery. While I was taking a cake order for this lady, her children were being kinda unruly (there were 4 of them and they have to have been 10 years and younger). She was being very rough with them verbally, throwing some not-child-friendly language at them and insulting them. Then, her son tried to wander off and she gets so mad that she grabs him by the shirt and pulls him aside to hit him. I didn't see super well because she pulled him away from me, but the poor kid was crying and begging her to stop and she went a good 30 seconds or so. I couldn't say anything or I would have lost my job, but I wanted very badly to scream at her to stop. I reported to the store manager. They looked at the footage and said that while it looked concerning, they can't do anything about it. However, they advised me that I can report it to another third party like CPS. My main worry is, what could happen to those kids if they end up being taken away? The foster system? Another abusive family member? There are 4 of them and I would hate for them to be split up or sent to an even worse environment. I would like advice on whether or not I should report it and what could happen if I do. Thank you. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 761,"Title: Am I depressed or just lazy? Text: I’m a high school junior in a specialized program (IB) and I need to pull my grades up. The thing is, I can’t ever focus. I did online school for the past two years, but last year was when things took a turn for the worse. Nothing feels fun anymore except hanging out with my boyfriend. I don’t feel the most comfortable talking with everyone else surrounding me, and all of my close friends live a decently far distance from me. I can’t seem to enjoy anything I once liked. I used to love taking notes for school and playing video games. Now, occasionally I’ll play video games for more than an hour (sometimes I can actually focus on them without getting distracted), and I’ll neglect my work without meaning to. I’m usually tired, and it affects me a lot. When I get home, I take long naps and can never get any work done, but at night I usually get 2-5 hours of sleep. I used to be able to be so productive (do my homework, have decent work ethic), but now my attention span has gotten horrible, and my grades have become appalling (to me at least). I’m not sure why this is happening to me. Now I just feel either satisfied (sometimes happy) or empty/sad. When I visited my doctor, I spoke to her about how I felt, and she suggested it was probably since I was always at home are rarely went outside. Now that I’m back to school in person I don’t see a difference at all, and if anything, it’s gotten worse. I don’t want to quit the program, so the only solution I see is to pull my grades up, but I can’t seem to do that without solving these other issues first. So.. am I depressed or just lazy? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 762,"Title: Rapist in my chemistry class Text: I’m currently college and I have to take this chemistry class. Today was the first day of the semester. When I sat down for class I quickly realized that my rapist was also taking the course. It’s been a year after he raped me and I was really shell shocked to see him there. I absolutely need this course and it would really mess with my graduation time if I didn’t take it. But I honestly don’t think that I can take this course with him in the class. I wanted to know what some of my options are. If I tell a professor I know they have to report it to title 9 at my university but what all does that do? I don’t really want to go to court or anything because I think it would be really tired some, expensive and I don’t think it would do much. But would telling a professor move him into another class so that I could take this class without feeling scared the entire time. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 763,"Title: I cut myself for the first time and I’m panicking Text: My mom asked me to practice my violin and I got annoyed and then she yelled at me so I yelled back and then we both got super angry and it all escalated and my mom started going on about how I’m always irritable and how everyone in my family walks on eggshells around me. I tried to take a shower to calm myself cuz I was super angry, but I just started to feel super sad and guilty and ashamed. And I thought maybe I deserved to be punished for being such a terrible daughter, so I just picked up my shaving razor and made a cut but I couldn’t tell if it was bleeding or not cuz of the water so I did a few more cuts until I was really bleeding and then I stopped the bleeding and hid the cuts and went over to my mom to apologize for yelling and she accepted my apology but went on about how sick she is of my irritability and how my whole family is always afraid of making me angry, and that made me feel awful, so I went into my room and took out my xacto knife and cut myself more. I feel like I’m a burden on my whole family and I need to be punished for it... I know how dangerous cutting myself can be and I’m afraid I’ll get addicted to it (I’m sorry if that’s not the right term, I’m new to this) and I don’t want things to get out of control and I’m scared and panicking, idk, I just had to let this out somewhere and I figured this sub was the best place to do it... Edit: Just wanted to thank everyone here for all of the kind responses. I have received so much support from everyone, much more than I expected when I made my post, and I can’t thank you all enough. Thank you so much everyone! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 764,"Title: Hurrah for this! Text: [https://edition.cnn.com/2021/03/26/football/thierry-henry-racism-social-media-quit-spt-intl/index.html](https://edition.cnn.com/2021/03/26/football/thierry-henry-racism-social-media-quit-spt-intl/index.html) Online abuse is exceptionally difficult to deal with; whether it's racial or sexual or any other kind. The ease of hiding identity and the difficulties of pursuing legal action (international and jurisdictional barriers) basically mean that offenders can get away with whatever they might do online. I hope many more public figures make a similar stand. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 765,"Title: A LOT of redditors here are children Text: It's very dangerous as I see a lot of posts on here are echo chambers of people supporting other self harmers in continuing. A lot of the people I've seen on here are pre teens/teenagers who don't seem to have proper support in their inner circles and come here to talk/vent but in turn continue to self harm. This age group is so vulnerable as they are still learning and their brains are still growing. Self harm is dangerous and there are much healthier ways of managing emotion. We should have our goal to be to quit and I feel that isn't shown as much as it should be here. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 766,"Title: I am 28 years old and I'm going to cut again Text: It's been almost two years since I cut last, but I just can not deal with life without this outlet. I feel like I have tried everything, and nothing brings me closure. None of my friends are awake, with their jobs at healthy sleep cycles. Open to talking I guess. Going to make a quesadilla, hope it's good enough to stop me cutting. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 767,"Title: i like that my cats know Text: they always want to cuddle when im about to hurt myself. they purr real loud and get all up in my business. sometimes it genuinely helps me stop. love them always For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 768,"Title: Looking for genuine long term friendship Text: Yes as the title suggests I'm looking for long term friendship where i can talk daily. You can be from any part of the universe. Any gender and age are welcome. Please ignore this if you are planning to ghost me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 769,"Title: Opinions ? Advice ? Text: I’m a disabled severely mentally ill 22 yr old. I’ve been having trouble with having pent up energy at night where I want to do something impulsive and reckless or just to do something. My life feels like it needs something or like I’m trying to fill the void in my chest. I’ve been thinking of having a career in social media to keep me busy but I’m not sure where to start because I’m on it so much and I’ve tried exercising, painting, and reading to release that energy but nothing seems to work. It’s like my life seems so stable and calm now when I’m so used to chaos that i want that spice in my life or something to keep me busy For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 770,"Title: worst beating yet. he was released hours later Text: Like I'm fucked staying silent and speaking out. My husband's become jus like my dad I brought out the worst in him. Common denominator is me. I get mouthy n punched. Even my dad agrees jus like he'd say My mom was no angel. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 771,"Title: Started sertraline 50mg, when do side effects stop? Any tips? Text: Hi I've been told I have ""mild depression"" by my therapist but I just have a feeling it's worse than that so my physician let me try sertraline. I started yesterday (Thursday) and I felt dizzy, nauseous, and tired the whole day. This morning woke up with a headache. I feel sort of regretful for starting the meds and wonder if I made the right decision. How long does this feeling last for? Any tips on getting through these side effects? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 772,"Title: Time froze a long time ago Text: I haven’t felt like myself in a long time. It’ll sound corny, but I love the show “The Office” the American TV show. My favorite quote and something that I often think about is “""I wish there was a way to know you were in the good old days before you actually left them."" I’m having a hard time moving on. I can’t escape my hometown, I work in my old childhood mall where I would spend my time with my friends- visit familiar places that I have so many memories at. But it’s just empty. These people are all gone, either moved away or lost contact with. I moved out because my parents moved pretty far away and I didn’t want to leave this place. But that isn’t home, this place isn’t home, this room doesn’t feel like home… and I don’t know anyone here anymore… I see people laughing and smiling in places I used to hang out with my friends- and I’m just jealous. I should be grateful for today, i use to be grateful for everyday- I had acknowledged that there will be hard times and good times. But god I wish i had friends. I wish I had people to experience the world with. To talk too. I even miss having people to come home too, or having people miss me when i leave. Usually i can distract myself from this feeling. But it’s a Saturday night and everyone is posting their night outs having fun and I’m sitting here in my mess of a room that I’m just too exhausted to pick up. I’m tired of college, time of work, I’m just tired man For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 773,"Title: i can’t fuckinf do this anymore Text: i don’t know how i’m going to go but i’m going to go in the next hour. i’m so tired and so sick of everything. goodbye . For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 774,"Title: I don't think true happiness can exist for hopeless people like myself Text: I am so tired of living this life, and I just want to end it all. There's just no good ways to kill myself in a quick effective way. I feel like life has just beaten me to the pulp, but people still want me to get up for some reason, even though I make everybody's life a thousand times worse. I tried to change my environment with a new job, exercise, dieting, cleaning my apartment, being outside more, trying to focus on myself more, and guess what I'm still depressed :0. Because guess what solutions like these never work out for truly hopeless depressed people like myself. I just want relief from all this, and everybody in my life insists that I stay alive. My family says that they're too busy to help with my suicidal thoughts, I've burdened my friends too much with my mental illness. My new job that I was excited for is just another corporate job. While exercise makes me feel better in the short term it just stings way worse in the long term. I'm starting to form plans in my mind as to how to commit to suicide. Thinking of which methods would be fast and effective, but none come to mind. Ill be glad when I figure out that answer because it will mean I finally get relief from this pain. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 775,"Title: what happens after escape Text: I left a year ago. I had no money, no job, no qualifications except high school. Today im struggling to hold down a job bc of my debilitating ptsd. I feel so alone. Domestic violence escapees cant be so uncommon. I mean yeah I've lived at the womens shelter for a short stint of 3 months but then after that i was just kind of on my own, back into the world, rawdoggin it. Are there more of us? What do we do? Do we just keep living and walking as faceless people among the crowd? Are some of the people around me also escaping horrible abuse and struggling to stay alive? Why does no one talk about life after escape? It's not half as scary as abuse but its definitely not easy. It's traumatising in its own way. If you're like me: young, no degree yet, no money in the bank, traumatised, and expected to go out into a world that scares the shit out of you at every second bc ur constantly scanning the crowd for a threat of violence: shoutout below. I can't be the only one going through this. I feel so confused and so out of funk. I need a community of people like me, to understand me and empathise. I'm lucky to have a great social worker and good overseas relatives. How the hell could anyone do this on their own? I mean the PTSD itself is so bad sometimes I couldnt move, and I've been let go from so many jobs bc i just break down after a while. I feel incompetent and humiliated. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 776,"Title: Am I being sexually abused because I am subservient (one of my abusers called me that)? Text: He's a coworker who randomly one day said I am subservient. Maybe he was just trying to get in my head but I would admit I am very passive compared to other women around. I don't speak up for myself hardly ever. Edit: I really just was wandering why so many guys at my job sexually harass me Like what does a guy think when he sexually harasses a woman?because it doesnt make sense to me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 777,"Title: Sunday nights Text: Sunday nights are usually the worst. If I've had a good weekend then Sunday is a comedown, and knowing I have work tomorrow makes it difficult to relax. Friends are busy with families, I'm just here on my own. Should probably get out the bath. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 778,"Title: New domestic violence victim Text: My husband has been physically hurting me and threatening me for the past year. We are both very young. He bites me, hits me occasionally, pulls my hair, squeezes my wrist super tight and pins me down so hard that I can’t breathe well. The thing is he’s never made me bleed or bruised me very badly, yet it always really hurts. I know what I’m dealing with is so minor to other domestic violence stories. I guess I’m just nervous because it’s our first year of marriage and I’m afraid it could get worse as the marriage progresses. I tried researching things about domestic violence but nothing assured me at all. I have so many questions. What happens to a victim after they report their abusive spouse to the police? Are they separated from their spouse? Would court happen? Will my husband now struggle to find a job so it would only make it harder for us both? He’s in the army reserves. Would he be discharged or would he just get the equivalent to a slap on the wrist? Will I actually feel safer or is it not worth the headache? I would provide video documentation to the police. I’m just terribly worried that I’ll regret even telling the police... that it will somehow backfire on me or just lead to a lot of tension from his family. I wonder if I should just wait to see if it gets worse and then report it. Please let me know about your similar experiences or what will likely happen if I do tell the police. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 779,"Title: I’m hiding in the school bathroom right now because I couldn’t find my “friends” Text: The reason why I put friends in quotation marks is because I don’t really trust them to be honest, they talk badly about other people on a daily basis and pretend that they’re good people. You see, I have another friend who I consider myself kind of close to but she’s busy right now and she’s closer with these other 2 “friends”. I want to cry but I can’t, I feel so weak right now. :( For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 780,"Title: feeling like my mouth is glued shut Text: does anyone else who’s undergone relationship violence and abuse feel now that they’re safe and happy that when they get upset or into any kind of small discussion that their mouth is glued shut and won’t let them speak? i wonder if it’s maybe a defense mechanism that our brain associates speaking with the terror that comes with abuse. Let me know if anyone else experiences something similar. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 781,"Title: Is it bad to “rank” different types of sh? Text: I had someone today notice that I’d scuffed open my knuckles, and they said “well, it’s better than cutting!” I laughed, but then they doubled down that they meant it. And like, I don’t know. They’re coming from a good place, but it doesn’t sit right with me to like rank some methods as better than others. Especially when there’s already so many kinds I do that people just don’t see. And that’s often how people rank them, like the less others have to know about it, the better it is. My harm reduction is about me hurting myself less, not switching from sharps to bruises, yaknow? I get that there’s physical risks associated with different things, I get why they said it, but it just felt. Idk. Bad. And idk if I should try to explain that to them. (Also I DID cut my knuckles a bit after I tore them up. So… Ha, I guess…) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 782,"Title: I wish I would die in a freak Accident Text: It would be easier than killing myself and everyone in my life could be happy. I wouldn't be a bother anymore. I just want to die. I'm tired of everyday life. I can't talk to anyone because they say the same shit over and over again. It's not helpful. I don't want to be a problem for anyone anymore. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 783,"Title: idk how to feel about cutting myself ? Text: i dont feel guilty after doing it . i deeply feel like i wanna stop . all i know is that i need to bcz this is bad . also dont want others to see it . i started bcz i felt angry , then bcz i felt sad , then i started doing bcz i was bored . i just had an argument with my mother . i noticed that i was out of control i took the blade and started cutting , i didnt even feel anything . until i finished and noticed how deeper the cuts where . thats when i realized this is getting worse . For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 784,"Title: Depression spikes, anyone? Text: Does anyone else experience sudden spikes of depression without a real trigger? I’ve had chronic depression since I could be officially diagnosed at 12, so my baseline is usually depressed anyways but I’ve recently noticed, thanks to therapy I’m finally able to get, that I get sudden onset spikes of depression in the form of intrusive thoughts, crying, disassociation, etc that last maybe a few hours to a few days and then it kind of levels back out again. There seems to be no real trigger unlike some episodes where someone has said something or like a Murphy’s law day. I’m in CBT which has really helped so my normal episodes are easier to manage or predict, but these spikes are so sudden that it takes me off guard, but they’re not panic/anxiety attacks either. It also seems to be giving my cat anxiety cause all of a sudden I start crying and he doesn’t know if he should try to play or come cuddle and gets really confused. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 785,"Title: Cleaning cuts? Text: I don't really know how to clean my cuts without water, but sometimes I can't get to the water because of my Parents, I don't know how else to clean my cuts, I also dunno if water and soap is even good for cuts? Also, is soap and water OK to clean blades? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 786,"Title: Boyfriend has a Point Text: I was talking to my boyfriend about my ex assaulting me and I was saying “Well I was half asleep I don’t really remember if I said no for sure so I don’t know if I can call it assault.” Him: “Babe, not only did you not say yes but if you were too asleep to remember if you said no directly you were too asleep to be having sex.” I think talking aloud to him helps my thinking process. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 787,"Title: Welp I made my mind up. Text: I'm going to end it use some of the last of my money to get the tank of nitrogen after Thursday until then I'm going to live my last few days to the fullest For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 788,"Title: I Had Him Arrested Text: Original Post https://www.reddit.com/r/domesticviolence/comments/cgyjgi/finally_have_exit_plan/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share Last night he attacked me again. I pepper sprayed him, grabbed my phone, called 911. He's in jail now and I have a temp restraining order in place. I have an appt with a DV advocate tomorrow, and my friends have been signing up to take turns staying with me. They are helping me change my locks, bringing dinners, and just sitting with me. Now I need to figure out how to come up with rent. It's only 600, but he took our rent money and I'm not going to beg him for it back. I'm still scared tho. Every damn noise makes me jump. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 789,"Title: self harm prevention kit? Text: What should I put in a small self harm prevention kit for school? I've wanted to get one of those self harm prevention markers off Etsy but the shipping time bothers me, plus Im.gonna get everything else off Amazon so I don't like the fact I'd be ordering from two different sites so it annoys me I've got rubber bands and maybe some fidgets but that's it The box I'm using is about like 5/6 inches in length 2 inches in width And like 1.5/2 inches in height And I just want enough stuff in there to comfort me when I need it and stuff, any good ideas? Nothing to expensive either pls For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 790,"Title: Everybody's Beautiful. Text: I went to visit my nan today, she isn't doing very well health wise. She told me that everybody's beautiful. I just thought Id let you know. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 791,"Title: I feel like I’ll never have consensual sex, because the only stuff that turns me on now is the same kind of stuff that terrifies me Text: My first (and only) time was rape. I’d like to have consensual sex some day but... the only kind of stuff that turns me on anymore is violence. I can only get off to the same kind of porn that disgusts me, and I’m even attracted to different kinds of *people* now. It’s a behavior thing—I only go for aggressive people. They’re all that does it for me and I can’t stand it. I’m not stupid enough to actually do anything with these people, but I just can’t help but be turned on by it. I hate being terrified of my own turn ons and sexuality. I never used to be like this. I used to get turned on by normal shit, and now it does nothing for me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 792,"Title: Tonight is my first night alone since my girlfriend left and I’m worried Text: I’ve been actively suicidal for a year but this might just be the night I’m pushed over the edge For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 793,"Title: Daily sex with humiliation Text: My husband insists on sex every day. I have done this for 26 years, minus a few weeks when the kids were born (though he insisted on oral sex then). Also, I get the first day of my period off, but not other days. He pouts if we don't have sex, and shuns me. He trained me to prioritize him and I let myself be a victim. Does this sounds like abuse to you? Or am I just really helpless and dumb? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 794,"Title: ISO advice on online safety for survivors/victims who may need resources but are sheltered-in-place with their abusers and cannot risk detection Text: Does anyone know the safest medium to access resources online without detection? I am very concerned that survivors/victims who are in close proximity to their abusers due to shelter-in-place orders may need to access information and resources but will expose themselves to greater risk should they do so in a manner that leaves their digital movement detectable by their abusers. For example, many websites have an escape feature throughout the page so that visitors can quickly switch to a more neutral page such as Google or a news article to avoid detection. While some of these sites are able to keep their URL from appearing in the browser history, the data is still stored elsewhere in cookies and, on platforms like Facebook, can be used for the purpose of targeted ads, both of which can endanger the visitor should theirs abuser notice it. I am a law school graduate with a focus on intellectual property who did research on the intersection of technology and domestic violence during my last semester, so I lack the computer/smart phone savviness to know what option is safest for those at high risk right now. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 795,"Title: i’ve barely been able to work this week but i need to bill my time. what do i do? Text: i have 8+ hours from my work week so far that i spent staring into the void and trying to get my brain to function and do literally anything. my job is marketing, and i have to bill all my time by 15 min increments to very specific time codes for internal and client. i don’t know what to do, i feel like i cannot work or do anything. what am i supposed to bill my time to? i’ve already gotten accommodations from my job for my mental health. i feel terrible if i have to tell my supervisor, hi, i barely worked this week, what do i do? i’m just stuck and lost and can’t afford to quit bc of rent. UGHHH help. i don’t care about anything but i can’t get fired. basically what is the lowest lift, simplest way to get through filling out my time sheet this week. TYIA For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 796,"Title: Can't wait to drown Text: I wish I had access to some sort of fire arm, preferably a shotgun, but unfortunately I don't so the next best option I have is to drown myself in my city's river. Of all the accessible methods I have at my disposal, drowning is my favorite one by far. No fucking way I'm overdosing/hanging/cutting myself, these are all too painful and with way too high odds of survival to my tastes, I'm also not jumping from somewhere as it would probably draw too much attention and I'm sure that with my luck I would survive and become a fucking vegetable for the next 40 years of my already-miserable-enough-as-it-is existence. The plan is to buy some weights and chains/ropes/whatever and go to the aforementioned river during some late hours, then just strap them to my feet/legs and throw myself into oblivion. I don't care about all the panic and water rushing into my lungs and whatever I've read several times before about drowning, it's by far the easiest, least painful and honestly, more peaceful method of all the previously mentioned (aside from blowing my brains out, but as I said sadly I have no access to such luxury). Say whatever you want about drowning, at the very least I have a guaranteed 100% chance of never waking up again if I spend enough time underwater, and as painful and as it may be, still better than waiting 30+ minutes or even hours to die to some of the other methods (that STILL are painful too). I have no set date yet, just waiting for the most oportunate time/event to put all of this into action. Also, please, don't try to talk me out of it, I've seen and experienced enough of this world to know it just does not suit me at all, way to much work and suffering for way too little reward. I don't want to be part of any of this, I do not want to be amidst all these people, I hate it here. I'd rather not hear all the generic phrases I've heard ten thousand times by now, so unless you have some better plans/ideas to off myself in some easier manner, please don't try to convince me out of this. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 797,"Title: Finally left after 2 years Text: I finally left yesterday, and I am trying to process it. After yet another horrible weekend of threats, screaming and throwing things in my presence - I came clean about his behavior and broke down to both of my parents because I cannot take this anymore, and I told him to get out of my life - and he did. He left me alone at our apartment to leave for good. Sadly, I almost felt confused because every other time, he has freaked out, thrown my things, screamed and intimidated me into staying. Unfortunately as a result, I did call him to make sure that he truly wasn’t coming back. Rather than the usual begging for more chances, telling me how sorry he is and how much he cares to make this better - He was at his parents because I guess there was no other way for him to finally come to terms with the end. They had to tell him to let me go. He told me that he “is not happy, that this is beyond repair, and that he will always love me and needs to figure himself out.” I felt and feel a rush of emotions. Proud of myself for telling him to get out of my life, Shocked that he actually finally listened after I have tried to leave multiple times over the course of months of his chaotic behavior, and slightly rejected after calling him and him expressing the end on his part to me. It’s pathetic because I have been so unhappy and trying to leave for so long, but I think I am slightly angry that he just didn’t allow me the space and dignity to do so all of the times prior to our relationship getting as horrible as it has - causing more emotional damage to me. I feel a range of emotions. Exhausted from all the ups and downs, relieved that I won’t be experiencing the abuse, and in some fucked up way, sad. Because I don’t understand why I wasn’t good enough to be treated with respect, and since he wasn’t capable of doing so, letting me leave on all of my attempted times prior. I know that I have done best for myself, that I made the right decision, that I walked away from someone who didn’t deserve me and treated me horribly….. but why do I feel so sad? 😔 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 798,"Title: Amazing how some people mean the world to you, but they don't give a flying fuck about you even though you've been friends for years Text: I MISS THEM WHATS WRONG WITH ME, it's been a year i want to move on.. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 799,"Title: why am i like that? Text: all my friends, without exception, are changing their lives, or theyre dating, or leaving home, doing something they like, idk, but i still the same, i feel im behind everyone, they barely talk to me now, my days have become an endless cycle of waking up, satisfy my addictions, sleep and repeat it all over again, i cant change that no matter how hard i try, im a disaster as a human being. (srry 4 bad english) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 800,"Title: I underestimated how easy it is to fall back into addiction Text: So I’ve started self harming again due to a rough breakup a while ago, after stopping for around 3 years, and lately I’m starting to feel the urge and the need to do more damage, I kinda feel like I’m starting to lose control over this again and I’m not sure I like where it’s going, especially because my whole body is already covered in scars and I don’t wanna hurt my boyfriend if he happens to notice any new ones. But I also don’t want to stop, I like it too much goddammit, I just kind of find my peace in self destruction in a weird and fucked up way. I thought I could just stop again the same way I did the last time but obviously not, I do not know what to do For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 801,"Title: What's my issue??? Text: All I can ever thinking about is cutting. When I'm having a good day, I want to cut because I'm paranoid that if I dont then everything is going to go to shit. When I'm having a bad day I cut. I posted nudes of myself on my other account for attention, because I cut when I feel like I'm worthless. But after I posted them I wanted to cut again. Am I just looking for reasons to cut myself??? I don't know what I'm doing I can't stop For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 802,"Title: What do you do if your harasser is from a group of people viewed as victims of stigma and discrimination? Text: I have found in the mental disability community it seems no one does anything about clear sexual harassment from low functioning Autistic men. In fact anyone who dares say they don't want to be hugged by them, is invalidated with cries that they're friendly. It's very hard to discuss this because people feel it's okay to shame victims who were abused by low functioning people. No one gets to choose their abuser! I'm in a situation where I have to be around men who remind me of him, and this guy who's supposed to support me, acts like I'm choosing to have anxiety responses. Like getting anxious they might be behind a door and run after me like he did. Now I want you to understand this guy is thicker than ceiling insulation regarding this. I explained to him my reactions are not a choice. And with the presumption all low functioning Autistic men are like wayward teddy bears asking for hugs, it's extremely hard to get people involved with them to understand no means no! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 803,"Title: I Really Need Someone To Talk To. Text: (Time-sensitive kinda) I'm looking for a kind stranger, maybe someone older than me (I'm 23) who's willing to listen to me and help me get some perspective on things. I really feel like I'm losing hope and it's all coming to its end. Message me If you're interested. Thank you. ↑ For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 804,"Title: I hate birthday celebrations because no one ever remember my bdays. Never had parties, no one cares, so I made me believe that I don't like birthdays, so that I won't feel alone and sad that day Text: And today is that day. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 805,"Title: Another Saturday Night Text: Sitting at home playing Overwatch Who wants to join, im on Switch. Dm me For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 806,"Title: Hatred Again Text: I am suffering but life must move on. For some reason, I continue to live. I hate myself so much and have little self worth. I have a new therapist but I just can’t seem to find inner peace. I am moving on to see if i could seek friends in the real world. I don’t know why it is so hard. I am 23 years old and I feel so worthless. I am so tired of fighting for a life that doesn’t seem worth it. I ache for satisfaction but I never feel it. Any attempt to feel good always fails. I am so empty. I know I have to be the one to act but I am so exhausted from being the only force in my life. I have no one by my side. My only friend won’t talk to me anymore. I try to be positive but life just reminds me why it’s pointless to do so. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 807,"Title: Politician wants to ban abortion for raped women saying they dont have the right to choose Text: Did I fucking choose that to happen? Ever since I read an article about this I have something like a constant panic attack, feel sick from stress and every now and then I start to cry for no reason and have to run out of the living room so parents dont notice - nobody knows what happened. And I am genuenly scared, I know its pretty irrational and unlikely to be legalized and I was never pregnant but I still feel threatened and in danger. I guess I just wanted to tell someone who could understand since I really have nobody. Thanks for reading. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 808,"Title: Anyone else completely by themselves after moving out? How does it make you feel? Text: 21m I generally hated living with my aunt but since I’ve moved out at 20, life has felt very different. I’m out here all by myself. I can’t quite describe it but I no longer feel the same when I do things alone vs when I would do things with my cousins and family. I still keep in touch with them from time to time but most of the time it feels like I have no family. Now I’m in the real world on my own. I socialize with friends but they’re just friends. You can’t put a price on independence and I love my own company, don’t get me wrong; but it’s literally just me out here. No outings, no family dinners, nothing. I see these TikToks about these kinds of things and I get nostalgic. This ramble was probably all over the place. TL:DR It’s literally just me out here, the entire dynamic is different, and it’s weird. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 809,"Title: Screwed up again Text: So I just go this new job almost two months ago and I feel like I’ve been doing well. Until today when I screwed up on filing some documents. Now but my boss wasn’t mad and I apologized like five million times but he had that disappointed sound to his voice and I just went straight into feeling like shit. I was so overwhelmed with this feeling that I resulted back to self harm again after being clean for a over a year. I’m ashamed and feel so much anxiety. I just hate that I feel this way. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 810,"Title: me existing is too expensive Text: Tw/Cw: calculating my worth based on the cost of my transition, and medical problems. I highly suggest you don't do this, and if you think this might be triggering, back out now. $2,000 minimum to fix my teeth to the point where it could possibly help with my migraines. $7,000-10,000 to have a flat chest, Hysterectomy is $10,000-$20,000, Metoidioplasty with Vaginectomy, Scrotoplasty is $6,000-$30,000. This total is up as: $25,000 - $62,000 at the minimum! This is not including the: $80-$300 monthly for HRT, however much my medication ends up costing when we change it and add more, how much it cost us to feed me, and my possible knee surgeries in the future! But in Arkansas: Cremation is $777 - $895 Metal or cheap wood casket: $2,000 - $5,000 If they wish for viewing the average cost is $7,000 to $12,000... The benefits to me living? After I get my mental health in order: I can possibly start working again, and go back to all my money just going to my parents and phone... For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 811,"Title: sharing my story/exposing my previous college Text: Hello, I would like to share my story. I am not going to be disclosing my name or any of the names involved for legal reasons, but I would like to come on here and say something needs to be done about rape in college and in general. For me I met a guy, lets call him L, L invited me over to smoke and talk and hang out with his roommates, When I was there he handed me many alcoholic beverages, while he drank some light beers. Later on in the night L and myself went with a couple of his friends to a party where L picked out me and another person to come back and ""smoke"" in his room. (we had plans to go back to the party after but never got to go back). Although the other person went through the same trauma I went through I am choosing to leave them out of the story (for their privacy). Anyways, I went back to his room where at this point I was completely drunk, I could barely walk straight. L then took advantage of me, and then took pictures and sent them to group chats and posted them on his snapchat story. I walked home alone that night, very confused and drunk. I woke up the next morning to the most disgusting feeling I've ever felt. I think I didn't fully process what happened to me fully until the next morning. I was then informed by many people that I was seen naked on a snapchat story. My heart dropped. I honestly didn't know what to do. I then met up with a couple of friends where we knocked on his door and went into his room and I went completely off on him. I told him how it was wrong of him to do that and to take the pictures off his phone. He then admitted to being completely sober. I then went to the police and told them everything I could, and gave them all the pictures he took, all while still in shock. I honestly have never been so petrified in my life, and disgusted in myself and him. At that point I had also found out that he went to court before college because he was charged with something similar to my situation .As a little time went by I felt like I grew smaller and smaller, like time was going by slow and my thoughts were going by fast. All while I felt like this the police continued to investigate. But the school said to me that there is rules in place where they can't immediately kick him out of the school without an ""investigation"". Now, that right there set me off, because how can L still get to go to this school, why does he get to live his life when he destroyed my emotional wellbeing. Im not going to say that he destroyed my life because he didn't, I will say he destroyed a part of me that I don't think Ill ever get back and I hate L for that. The day after everything happened I Immediately told my mom because I knew something wasn't right. She then came up to my school from my house to be with me. I stayed with her in a hotel for the weekend. I then went back to school where I didn't attend class. I was to scared to even go to the dining hall to eat. I felt unsafe. I knew something needed to be done and I didn't know what to do. At that point was my breaking point, I called my parents and told them I need to leave school to heal and get support. Because I wasn't being given the support that I needed where I was. I withdrew from Plymouth State University, because.. How can you keep a rapist on campus when he's done it before and now there's even more evidence that he's a rapist. Just doesn't make any sense to me. So for that reason I no longer go there, I am attending a therapy program now, and will be going to court at some point and hopefully college in the spring. If you have read this far thank you for reading I really appreciate it. I hope you are doing good. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 812,"Title: Sexually harrassed then fired two months later Text: In august, I got put into this awkward situation with the CEO at a small company. We where in his office, the only office with no cameras, and he had me write down some numbers so I can go to the bank and get cashiers checks for him. And he kept mumbling numbers so I might have missed a number or two. So he looked and said i messed up and told me the numbers again. And again, he said i messed up so i went over to the computer screen to see the numbers to see where i messed up. And he kept pointing at the numbers with his right hand and said "" look see this is where you messed up babe"" and smacked my butt with his left hand. I was in shocked. And he laughed and i backed away and sent myself out and told him im going to the bank now and i dipped. Luckily, when i came from the bank he wasnt there for the rest of the day and the weekend was here. Anyways, i told my coworker what happened and asked for advise and he said that the CEO is odd and doesnt know much about boundaries and if it bothers me when i should tell my manager. Note we dont have an HR department and its a very small company. We had new people starting so I decided to tell her days later. And she cried and I cried. She said she felt responsible for not taking care of me. And i told her i didnt want to make it a big thing, i just felt highly anxious and worried because i didnt know if he'll continue or try again..or play along and be normal. And i didnt want to ruin things. At the end of that day, things were off so we had a meeting about it. Her, the CEO, and I and he claimed he didnt remember that happening but apologized... and it hurt so much that he tried ghosting me.. i told the day off the next day bc i was mentally and emotionally exhausted.. After that day, things were off and i felt anxious and stressed than never before. I kept getting in trouble for small mistakes or things that didnt make sense to me and contradict what theyve said to me. I even saw an email of them lookimg for my replacement. And i confronted them and they claimed it was an old email. ..which it wasnt. This goes on for another month. I knew they were planning to fire me and they did. Oct 2020. They told me that since i called off they realized they dont need me and that they are terminating my position... So... now im debating if i should talk to a lawyer or sexual harrassment and emotional distress.... or just let it go and forget ever working there For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 813,"Title: Military police officer had sex with me while I was blacked out Text: When I was a freshman in college I went to the university of Kansas. It was somewhat far away from home and wasn’t my first choice in colleges. My randomly assigned roommate asked me (really just told me) to go to the military base at Leavenworth with her because her bf was there. I was a freshman in college and had never really drank before. I drank a ton of wine that night when it was just the 4 of us (my roommate, me, her bf and his friend) and got super drunk. Then it’s like 11 pm and my roommate tells me I have to leave cause she wants to hang alone with her bf. I was almost blacked out at this point and his friend took me to his room at the military dormitory and raped me in his bed and in the shower. My roommate didn’t believe me and invited them both over to our dorm the next weekend. I transferred schools after that happened. I have never really talked about this before to anyone. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 814,"Title: Hello again Text: I made a post about a week ago and I just wanted to bring some news. All of the people who raped me have been put into prison because they tried to rape and abuse another girl. I just wanted to bring something good into this subreddit and let everyone know that a lot of these people will get what they deserve and just to keep your head up. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 815,"Title: None of my friends remembered my birthday Text: That's it, just wanted to rant a little. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 816,"Title: Girl of my dreams Text: Storytime I met a beautiful girl my age on Tinder, she even had all the same interests as me. Eventually, after two weeks of waiting, we met up in Manhattan. We ate together in The Bronx, but then one of her friends showed up at the restaurant. For the rest of the several hours, she didn’t talk to me at all and kept her attention on the friend. She even texted me that she felt like I wasn’t enjoying her since the start and said I could leave if I want. Eventually she left and just said “you can go home now.” To add insult to injury, I’m pretty sure she blocked my number. I feel absolutely terrible that I missed this one in a lifetime chance at love. I cut myself later that night out of anger and sadness. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 817,"Title: Free apps to make calls Text: This is not for me. I know someone that is in a DV situation. Her partner checks her phone bill so she has no way of contacting shelters or support. She also doesn't has money for a burner phone. I am far away from her so I can't let her use my phone either, and she had no family where she lives. Her partner works from home so she also doesn't has chances of finding someone for help. I don't know a lot about the situation, but apparently her partner threatens her that if she leaves he will take her kid. She is in the process of obtaining a green card but that's dependent on him, so she is afraid of ending without her kid and get in trouble. I am trying to find resources for her but is hard because all the apps to make calls I have found need payment. Any ideas on how to deal with this situation? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 818,"Title: Currently lying in bed Text: Cut myself about hour ago and I want to do more, i reached point where light blood drip scratches aren't really enough, it doesnt hurt me at all, I feel physically almost nothing. I don't know what to do... I feel so frustrated, I want to feel relaxed, but self harm doesn't give me that effect anymore. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 819,"Title: Sexual Harassment @ Domino’s Pizza!- Pecos Valley Pizza Franchise Text: The Pecos Valley Pizza franchise has a habit of sweeping sexual harassment cases under the rug, intimidating and or threatening victims, etc. I personally dealt with a case myself with an Area Supervisor for which I have proof in the form of messages and a notarized letter requested by the company stating that I would not sue them. Fast forward to now, we have my former GM making statements like, “they just wanted to shut your ass up”. After emailing HR to bring the problem to their attention it was brought to my knowledge that said GM was trying to intimidate another employee. I have just been notified that the employee decided to quit to avoid the hostile work environment any longer. How are these companies able to do this? I’m to the point now where I’m about to just share the proof I have with the world online and let them deal with all the publicity. Mine is just one case of several. Here is another. https://www.krqe.com/news/women-accuse-dominos-supervisor-of-sexual-harassment/ Any recommendations? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 820,"Title: Things that remind me of my childhood make me want to cry Text: I used to love kittens and puppies, and whenever I see them I just want to start crying. Whenever I think about dolls or fairies I want to cry. I don’t even want a dog or a cat; I just wish I was as sweet as I was as a kid. I wish I could relive it all and stay like that, when my only worry was that I would never have a dog. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 821,"Title: Girl in the Picture Text: I just finished watching that show and I find myself in what I would call a triggered state; **to anyone thinking of watching it: tread carefully.** I don't know where to start. How the fuck are we supposed to heal in a world that is capable of harming us over and over and over again? Sometimes it (life, our future, my future, your future, safety, healing) feels spectacularly doomed... I don't know what I am supposed to do every day when I leave my apartment. Do I just exist? Fake it til I make it? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 822,"Title: Am I overreacting? Text: Okay so a while ago I slept at one of a good friend's house. At first is was pretty fun, we talked and watched a movie and all that. But after a while we started drinking a bit. We eventually moved to the living room bc his dad wantes to go to sleep. We started a game of truth or dare and drank some more. During the game he did a few questionable things like pick me up, tickling and continuously saying I had big boobs. I didn't like it but didn't think much of it, because he's my friend and he knows I'm gay. I don't know why I didn't stop him. The thing that still makes me very uncomfortable is what happens next. We were ready to go to sleep, so we turned off the lights and went to sleep on a seperate couch. The first thing he said was: ""weird question, do you like cuddeling?"" I said: ""uhmm well sometimes i guess?"" He: ""do you want to cuddle now?"" I said no. After a while he said that his couch was way too crampes for him. I had the bigger one, so I said: ""do you want to sleep on this one?"" I MEANT SWITCH PLACES. He said ok and layed next to me. Btw this couch wasn't that big so he layed against me.. Then he said: ""well too bad, we're cuddeling anyway."" And he put his arm around me. I also felt something touching my butt, i thought it was his hand but I'm not sure and I don't know if he intended to do that. Anyway, I was extremely uncomfortable but I froze up and didn't say anything. The last thing he said was: ""would you consider a one night stand with me?"" I said: ""uhmm dude thanks for the offer but as you know I'm gay."" At that point I got up and stumbled to the bathroom. When I came back I went to sleep on the other couch. Okay so we had a lot to drink and all so that might be why he acted this way but I felt so extremely uncomfortable. I now also tense up whenever I get a text fdom him asking to hang out. I've told only one friend this and I think she thought I was overreacting. But am I?? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 823,"Title: Am I right to feel this way? Text: I worked at a store when I was 16 and one day I came in and their was a new guy he was way older than I. I did take much notice to him as I didn’t know him and don’t like conversation. But as time when on he got to know all the stall on the floor well as he worked in stock. So here and there we would talk nothing much or significant, just some casually conversation about how ours days are and so forth. He always seem to have a joking-friendly type of relationship with everyone on the floor so naturally I being me took on the same persona when ever we talked or interacted. As It seemed everyone seemed to as-well as he was just that type of guy. However one day we were having a conversation and he was passing and I stood in his way as a joke and he looked at me weird. I didn’t take notice to it at the time but now looking back that wasn’t a normal stare ( also note I am 5’2 and he’s probably 5’10/ 6’0) so he was looking down at me. Later that same day we are having another conversation which I had not been actively taking part in (as I mentioned previous I don’t like conversations) as he say “ I am going to marry you” I immediately snap back into the conversation and before I could process what was happening I shout out “WHAT!”; “you heard me” is what he proceeds to say. I scam my environment to see no one is around to had observed what had just happened. However that same week he begins to make dirty remarks about my apparent outwardly and to some of my co- workers who have no grasp on the situation. That same week I had overheard a conversation with him and another co-worked and discovered that he was around 32/36 with two children ages 7 and 12. Now I am even more utterly disgusted. I am 4 years older than his oldest daughter and this is how he speaks to and about me. This entire situation has left me feeling icky with myself and I feel as though I have harbored some trauma from it. So I guess my question is, am I right to think that anyone older that what I have deemed safe in my mind is dangerous and anyone that holds a similar appearance to him; or am I just exaggerating the situation to be something more serious than it is? (Ps. I don’t work at this job anymore and he got fired the following week for matters unrelated ) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 824,"Title: Abuser crying when stood up to or confronted? Text: Has anyone experienced this? This is really confusing me. I'm struggling to end a relationship with a history of both mental and physical abuse. I feel absolutely at my wit's end. When he's does abusive things, I've been trying to make it a habit of standing up for myself and stating that I will not tolerate that treatment (usually then separating us as best i can). He often breaks down crying. If i refuse to hear him out, he breaks down crying and saying he's just trying to talk to me and I'm so cold. If I point out that I have little patience considering what he's done, he's crying. If I'm distant because of how he's treated me or I get angry, he's sobbing. This is making me feel like a bad person. Just standing my ground makes me feel like I've become the abuser. Have I? Does anyone have experience with this? I'm struggling so much to keep a clear mind and see things for what they actually are. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 825,"Title: yep, I'm killing myself tonight Text: It's not like anybody cares about me anyway. I keep trying my hardest to make it through the days and when I finally think I'm gonna be ok for the week my soul gets crushed and I end up back at square one. It's my fault for being so naive thinking this place was safe for me to live in. There is nothing fun about this world. Only pain, stress, and suffering in a loop. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 826,"Title: The best revenge is to survive. Text: It's been one whole week since he broke into my house.. I was sound asleep when I woke up to see him standing over me. He hit me with a glass bottle and strangled me. I was in and out of consciousness . I screamed loud enough for the neighbours to call the cops..He was arrested this time. The physical violence before was minor. I ignored it I thought I'd never hear from him again. I was wrong he's been calling me sending me texts about how I betrayed him but he still cares for me . I can't press charges against him and ruin his life. He's mentally unstable I can never blame someone for being sick. I accept I can't be with this man and I don't want to see him again but I love him dearly still. I don't think that will ever change. I'm looking at obtaining an injunction. I just find it hard to believe he's willing to risk losing his job and his standard of living... Just to harass and hurt me. I pray for him daily I really hope he can change and be happy one day. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 827,"Title: He touched me in a uncomfortable manner Text: This guy at work snuck up behind me while I was sitting at my desk and squeezed my shoulders, but then immediately slid his one hand down slightly to the point where it touched the top of my breast. I flinched away and gave him a dirty look. He walked away smiling. Now, a year later, he walked past me in our parking garage area and pretended he was going to give me a hug. I pulled back and he proceeded to do this weird thing with the top of his head where he brought it down and pushed it against my right breast. I shoved him real hard in his stomach and asked him what the hell he's doing. Maybe I didn't sound angry enough because he walked away laughing. I'm confused, but I do know I can't get it off my mind and it is a horrible uncomfortable feeling. It feels wrong. Am I over thinking? And this is the guy that has the nickname of pastor because he always opens our meetings with a prayer. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 828,"Title: DAE Just feel so ruined and like they should just sleep around because it's what they deserve Text: I was raped two months ago. I grew up with hardcore purity culture, save yourself for marriage or you're basically worthless. Somedays like today I just want to sleep around as a form of self punishment for what happened to me. I feel worthless and like I deserve to be used by men. I don't know how to deal with these feelings. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 829,"Title: i need help and advice Text: this summer i was raped. i reported and did a rape kit. i told my mom it happened at a pool at the place i was house sitting, but it actually happened at the house i was house sitting at when i had a small party(owner said it was fine). i told the police where it actually happened of course but didn’t know how to tell her bc i thought she would blame me for having a party. i don’t think she believes me anymore bc i lied about where it happened. what do i do? how do i make her trust me again? he has a bond hearing monday and now i feel bad even going to her for support bc i lied to her. i attached some screenshots in the comments, i called her which is why there’s a break in messages For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 830,"Title: is this sexual harassment? Text: I live in Ohio. I am a 28 year old female who works at a small privately owned landscaping company(more than 50 but less than 100 employees) There's a small handful of women who also work here but is predominantly male in work force. I am experiencing some things I'd like clarification on. There's a man(in his forties) who is a crew leader of the mowing crew(I'm on maintenance crew) who goes out of his way to text me throughout the day and after work hours, most of the time it's ""about work"" IE he's asking if I can come help him at a job or if he can come help me, asks how my days going. This is something he sent me yesterday ""How's my favorite landscaper today "" My response ""Lol ya know cutting down a bunch of grasses with little to no direction from *****. Not edging because we aren't mulching so we should be done with this today lol "" Harmless?? He's also made passing jokes about wanting to get coffee with me, I will joke back like yeah at a coffee shop where I know ***** another coworker of ours. Mind you he is married and has children. I tried to confront him about how his wife would feel if she knew he was speaking to me this way and I was hoping that would quell his urges but it seems it hasn't. Another female coworker who doesn't work here anymore was experiencing sexual harassment as well, Im not sure the extent but I know she went to Management and Im not sure things got better, not sure if that's why she ended up leaving aside from other things. Not sure where to go from here, I'm just trying to work and make money and I feel like if I turn down/dismiss his advances things will be awkward and will create a tense work environment. Thanks in advance for any help! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 831,"Title: My therapist is pressuring me into having in-person sessions Text: I started seeing this therapist almost 3 years ago. I came to weekly sessions for around 4-6 sessions before switching to virtual/online sessions as this was when the pandemic started. Over this period, we switched to biweekly sessions. About 1.5 years into that, he would ask if I could come in for in-person sessions again. At the time, I told him I'm not comfortable with that and would like to keep it virtual. He didn't push the issue further until around 6 months after that. Now, these conversations are becoming more frequent this year. I've explained to him my reasons for wanting to keep things virtual: Eliminates the risk of Covid, convenience (I only have to devote 1 hour instead of 2-2.5 hours of time), easier to fit into my work day, etc. I told him that I still go to the dentist, visit the doctor, do some grocery shopping, visit friends/family, etc. as those activities do not have alternative methods. For in-person therapy, the alternative is seeing him online/virtually. I will say I am more cautious than most when it comes to covid, but I'm also not avoiding major things in my life and being a shut-in. Today, he kind of raised his voice at me and I could tell he was frustrated. No matter what I said, he kept going in this loop and I'd have to explain my reasons again. I asked if it was anything about money or perhaps maybe more insurance paperwork or something. He said it's not money-related or insurance-related at all. He then said he's an old-school face-to-face type of person and it's just better for him and that I'm the only one that still sees him virtually. I reiterated that I'm just not comfortable and it's more convenient for me. Going forward, I feel like I would have this looming over my head and that we'd just have yet another conversation like this. I've already explained my reasons to him 3-4 times this year. Another thing to note: He has already gotten sick with covid twice whereas I have not caught it once. I'm not sure what to do. Maybe look for more therapists while I see him and then end my treatment with him once I've found someone? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 832,"Title: I'm so tired Text: I'm so god damn depressed. I don't want to wake up, I don't want to get out of bed, I don't want to talk to anyone. I hate everything I do and it's all so fucking worthless and I'm just going to fail and disappoint everyone. I can't fucking snap out of it. The only thing that brings me any sort of fucking happiness is imagining my suicide, or cutting. Im not gonna make it through the fucking winter at this rate. I want to be dead so badly. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 833,"Title: Does efforts matters in friendship? Text: Idk why i am being super sensitive. Yesterday was my birthday. One of friend who I consider my best friend has forgotten my birthday I guess. She didn’t wish me. Ig it hurts. I feel birthdays are overrated. They increases your expectations. Ig friendships are overrated For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 834,"Title: I feel ugly, unstable , too emotional , fatigue and done with myself . Text: My boyfriend loves me a lot i know and wants the best for me so he scolds me to be better and get help and its hard to even get help as i cant do it mentally and physically . I already have a full time job which i am totally committed to and the only thing i can focus right now . I don’t feel good enough for anyone my family , friends or boyfriend . From some time i have been thinking that i want my boyfriend to get someone totally opposite than me as soon as possible i want at least him to be happy with someone he desires. As we are anyways at our breakup stage as he is only staying as he wants too see me get better he never wanted to stay long term anyways i feel he loved me out of pity . I don’t know what to do ? All i want him is to be happy and my happiness lies in his happiness is it weird to feel that way ? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 835,"Title: How do you organize your life and get things done if you have ADHD? Text: I'm so tired of being stuck in life, not being able to get things done, both the things that I want to do and the things I NEED to do. Some of the content creators and people I look up to have ADHD and didn't even know till later, but they have their life together through probably routine and discipline and organization I guess. Even some ADHD friends do, so why not me, a 25 year old loser with ADHD? How do you organize your life and get things done? Do you use physical planners, calenders, or to dos or other things? What about online apps and softwares on your phone or PC? Or a mix of both? And how do you customize existing/popular solutions to fit you and your needs? What works and what doesn't, and how do you make it work for you? I have ADHD long undiagnosed until this year, depression and anxiety (primarily indecision and analysis paralysis and social anxiety) if that matters. Anddd maybee on the spectrum but not confirmed. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 836,"Title: Please don’t ask just answer Text: About to swallow 60 2mg xanax pills and 35 20mg temazemap. With alcohol. Will it kill me? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 837,"Title: i wish i had a simpler mind Text: i wish i just had a simple, boring mind that could coast me through life. i wish i could be happy with a little job somewhere, get by financially, maybe even pick up a hobby or find a partner and not have to think about how i'm a complete failure at everything i do. i can't even articulate why i feel the way i feel. i know i'm ""accomplished"" somewhat at a societal level, but i think of myself as this horrible, disgusting, failed attempt of a person. there was a chance i was gonna be aborted when i was a fetus and i think about how much pain i would've been saved from if that happened. would've saved other people a lot of pain too from not dealing with the burden of having me in their lives. idek what i'm saying anymore. i just want to put a bullet through my brain at this point, it's comforting to think about. maybe i'll go through with it one day. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","suicideideation_active_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 838,"Title: Im a shut in for almost 10 years Text: I lost my ability to communicate. No friends. I have a sister that doesnt talk to me. Living with my grandma on her 2nd childhood, taking care of her is the only purpose of my life as of now. Obviously no job. One of my Neighbors really hates me, spreading bad news about me, making it more difficult to make friends. I dunno what to do with my life except giving as much love to my granma shes 86 btw, after i dunno aymore. Tho, i have a dream, to become a boxer Idk, im just saying random thoughts Id appreciate any kind of response Thanks, if God is real, i hope he bless y'all unlike what hes doing to me For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 839,"Title: If there are so many suicides that it's become a big problem, why do I never really see stories about it in the news? I don't mean for that to be offensive at all, I'm just curious. Text: I don't know if questions like this are allowed here, I was sent here by a different sub. I'm pretty depressed at the moment and I've been suicidal for around a month or two. I know for a fact that there are very, very few people who would miss me if I killed myself, but what about people who are more popular or just better? I can't even remember the last time I saw something in the news about a suicide. Do we just slip through the cracks and cease to exist completely? I live in Central Utah if that's useful at all. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 840,"Title: I wanted to share my story, if it wasn't for you all I don't think I would've gotten the courage to leave. Text: I am 26 years old and I am going through what feels like the most difficult time of my life. I have just recently gotten out of the most toxic and abusive relationship of my life that I was in for two years. Long story short, I was abused for over a year (strangulation, shoving, breaking my phones/laptops, dragging me across the floor, spitting on me/kicking me etc.) and I finally just left. Back in February, he held me at gun point for 6 hours, choked me until I passed out, threw me in the shower with all my clothes on and made me sit in the water like a dog, it was pure torture. It took me some time to process but I called the police, I am now feeling guilt because he was arrested. How do you avoid these feelings of guilt? I know what he did was wrong, but how do i stop the pain I feel from doing that to someone I loved so much? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 841,"Title: Wanting to relapse after years clean? Text: Made a throwaway for this bc I wanna keep it private. So I used to self harm somewhat regularly, but I've been clean for a long time. I haven't kept track of exactly how long, but I know it's been at least 5 years. I've gotten urges every now and then, but it was never enough to make me relapse. However, recently I've been getting really strong urges, to the point where I really was concerned I was going to relapse. My mental health has been getting worse recently, but it's not that bad (certainly not as bad as it was when I was actively self harming), and I've been coping pretty well. Even today, I was in a pretty good mood, but I still really wanted to self harm, and I can't figure out why. Has anyone experienced this? Is it just the addiction aspect coming into play? I think part of the reason is just that my scars are really faded, and I don't like that I can't see them very well anymore. Other than that though, I can't think of why the urges have been so strong. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 842,"Title: just why? Text: JUST WHY? all I wanted to know is why can't I have something truly mine? Every time I say I'm liking someone, my friend get a way to date them, it's in 100% of the times. This week I told this friend I was talking to a new guy and now she's also talking to him. The last time I was liking a boy my friend literally kissed him right in front of me and then told me ALL the datails. The point is, she doesn't need to do that, but she prefers this way, I don't know why. I'm considering to cut ties with her now, I can't keep dealing with it over and over, it hurts a lot and I don't think I am willing to hold this pain one more time. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 843,"Title: I survived a school shooting, but now I can’t do anything Text: I’m sure you’ve seen it on the news, Oxford High School got shot up by some selfish asshole. I was lucky enough to get into a classroom, but I could hear the gunshots and the screaming. I can’t seem to do anything anymore. I can’t sleep, can’t eat, don’t have the motivation to get out of bed, everything feels numb. I don’t know what to do. Why did I get to escape and live while 4 innocent people didn’t. I don’t really know what to do and what I expect to gain from posting here, but thank you. Edit; I’m going to therapy, I will be picking up horse riding and starting art therapy. In an effort to solidify it I went to see Tate Myre during visitation today. He doesn’t look like he did while alive, but I was able to connect with a teacher and we will be hanging out and doing art things together. Thank you for your responses. I also started playing a stupid little horse game called Howrse that I was obsessed with as a kid. Kinda makes it easier to feel like a kid again. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 844,"Title: What keeps you alive? Text: This has probably been asked here a lot, but this past month or so I feel like I only have 1 thing to ever look forward to and it's my main reason I'm still here. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 845,"Title: Does anyone else feel invalid just because they are not diagnosed with depression? Text: For some reason my brain decides to link SH to depression, which is not always the case. But it makes me feel like I'm just doing it for attention since I have not been diagnosed with depression, does anyone else feel that way? (I’m 99.9% sure this is my first post on this sub, hi everyone) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 846,"Title: this tooth pain makes me want to kill myself (serious) Text: I had an abscessed tooth last month waited 3 weeks for an emergency appointment finally got it pulled and they found skin tags in my mouth gross I know. After that I had a dry socket for 2 weeks and I couldn't take it any longer and had to get it cleaned with meds after that it was fine but now ever since I got this cold it's been way worse and I can feel a heart beat in my ears it hurts so much. I can't sleep or eat or do anything, I spend 2 hours in the hot shower 3 times a day it's the only thing that helps, advil stopped working I used it too much and nyquil like I'm surprised I'm not dead by now. Everyone just tells me to get over it but I'm stuck in bed can't afford the dentist or anything I messaged them telling them my situation because I can't talk on the phone I just want to kill myself it's not ok. I haven't been able to take my bipolar disorder meds so I'm all over the place, they booked me an appt for tmr but i can't afford it I don't know how much it will cost everything sucks For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 847,"Title: I regret telling my mom I was sexually assaulted. Does anyone else regret sharing? Text: I told my mom I was sexually assaulted a few days ago and she’s absolutely destroyed. I feel like I’ve moved past it but she’s really distraught — both that it happened and that I waited a year to tell her. I just want us to move forward but I feel like I’ve permanently altered our relationship and her perception of me.. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 848,"Title: Smile Text: A cute girl smiled at me at the gym today. Sounds pathetic I know but it snapped me back to reality and felt good. I’m not sure why For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 849,"Title: i need advice Text: My crush cuts himself. We know each other for like a week now, so i cant really do anything like telling him that i care for him or anything since we are not that close. He said that his parents know about it, but they dont know how to help. I'm not even sure if he wants to quit it. Is there anything i can do to help? We are both 17. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 850,"Title: Heartbroken and sad Text: 26M, both me and my girl friend parted ways today after dating a long time, i wanted a serious relationship and she didn't, after what seemed like months of arguing, we ended things today. I just want to vent to somebody because i feel sad and lonely. DMs anybody? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 851,"Title: are these things my manager said about me sexual harassment? Text: hello everyone hope you’re doing well, im 17 years old and i work at a fast food restaurant. recently it’s come to my attention that my manager has said two questionable things about me and i really don’t know what to do. first, i had messed up an order which happens a lot but as i was heading to the back to get gloves he told one of my coworkers that he was going to spank me the next time i messed up. second, one day after school i showed up to work in a dress that’s a little fitting. as i went to the bathroom to go get changed he had told one of my other coworkers that he “wished i didn’t have to change” i don’t know if i should consider these words sexual harassment or not, im thinking he may have been joking, but either way the comments made me very uncomfortable. what should i do? any advice is helpful thank you. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 852,"Title: i just keep fucking it up Text: i always upset people because of my stupidity, and sometimes they would want something in return. im a boring person. I hate myself. people will always hate on u. such a hopeless world. So lonely too. There is no love or compassion left. All i can think about is escaping this pain away. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 853,"Title: Jealous of other people’s mental health issues Text: I get jealous when I hear about other people’s mental health issues, especially when they are more severe than mine. It’s like some fucked up competition in my head. Like I wanna win the gold medal for suffering. It’s a black or white thing. If I’m not hurting the most then I don’t deserve to complain and my feelings are invalid. I feel guilty especially when it’s a close friend because I feel like I cannot empathise and support them properly because I am thinking about myself. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 854,"Title: Was I sexually harassed? Text: I went to a party with some old friends from high school Saturday night. Fast forward a guy who I know really well was very drunk and handsy with me. Anyone with a pair of eyes could see I needed help getting him away from me. He was tugging on my waist, holding onto me cause he was gonna “pass out”, wanted to be babied, trying to hold my hand, and even commented on how much weight I lost and how I “looked so much better.” Eventually, I got some help from a few of my guy friends (thankfully). Throughout the night I constantly found any reason to get away from him; He was oblivious to the fact that I wanted absolutely nothing to do with him. Ever since this, I keep replaying these events every day and it just makes me uneasy and it bothers me. In addition to this, I deal with anxiety so I get really jittery and shaky. every time I think about this, I get a little triggered and my hands start shaking uncontrollably. I feel like I’m just over reacting. I keep telling myself that I could’ve done something to prevent this from happening and telling myself I could’ve been more verbal (setting boundaries, telling him to back off), but I couldn’t. I know him on a personal level and I couldn’t find myself to be rude to him. Was I sexually harassed? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 855,"Title: Missed out on my early 20s because of mental health Text: I'm 26 and have had depression/anxiety for as long as I could remember. I didn't go off to college or university because of this and just worked for a family friends carpentry company. I didn't really do much during these years, mostly just worked 6-7 days a week and worked out a lot or played sports or video games. I do have lots of friends through sports and they invited me to do things but I turned down everything because of depression. I didn't really socialize much, date, or party like most people do when they are young. I have also been renting a room off my parents since I was 18 so I always just had that boring home life. I'm have been dating someone for a few months now and she was telling me all the fun she had in her early 20s living on campus and partying/socializing everyday and I realized how much I actually did miss out on. I feel like I have completely missed out on a massive part of my life and wasted so much time because of my mental health. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 856,"Title: I need advice on a situation... Text: I need to get this out of my chest as soon as possible. I'm currently in one of the hardest phases I've been on my life. I'm currently overworked (doing a job which ideally would bem distributed between 3 to 5 people), constantly sacrificing my personal life and learning time in favor of my work, and what kind of apreciation do I get from my boss? ""You're only doing what you're supposed to."" ""You are good at what you do but you could be better"" ""You need to give more of you."" I'm tired of being in a company where I work my ass off and all I get are demands for me to work harder. I was at risk of a burnout during this year, and now the story is restarting again. But that's not the main reason why I feel overwhelmed. The fact that my boss (yes, the same person who demands more and more of me) recently admitted to me that he thought of having an affair with me in a non chalant way changed everything for me. He did try to make a move on me but I stopped it before ir even began. After trying to kiss me and having groped me I said for him to never do it again and he backed off. There had been some previous attempts and red flags, but I put it behind me for the sake of my professional life and because I didn't want to think ill if him. Hearing him admit that he wanted that sort of thing changed everything. Now I just don't feel confortable working there and I feel that I'm on a sinking ship with him pulling me down. The worst part? He has a wife (who also works at the company) and a baby boy who's barely 3. I'm disgusted by it all and I feel for that kid, knowing the sort of man his father is. I'm no femenist, just to clarify. I have lots of good men in my life who've been nothing but supportive to me. However once this sort of thing comes to line, I can never see a person in the same light again. Am I a coward for wanting to just get out silently after I find a new job? Or should I just pack my things and go? I feel more and more conflicted about this... For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 857,"Title: idk what to do Text: my dad died earlier with no clue what caused it. im eleven years old and i dont know what to do anymore For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 858,"Title: I’m in a good mood and don’t know whether or not I have homework due tomorrow. Should I watch tv Text: I feel a tad sick [View Poll](https://www.reddit.com/poll/yo2sei) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 859,"Title: Self harm & skin conditions? Text: I have a temporary skin condition similar to psoriasis as a rare-ish side effect from falling very ill. I've since more-or-less recovered from my illness, but the doctor told me that the skin condition could take a couple of months to go away. I cannot stay clean that long. I have already been clean for 2 months. Whilst that sounds great - my circumstances have changed now, and I'm really struggling. I really cannot stay clean for much longer. I have to wait a few more days as I have another reason why I can't cut until Wednesday, and even that is feeling really hard right now. My skin condition isn't serious - it just looks bad and itches. It is going down slowly. If I do cut, I'd obviously try to avoid affected areas. I'm just not sure if this would affect wound healing, since the condition has affected some of my scars. I know that, obviously, the best thing would be to not self-harm at all, but I just cannot do that right now, so I want to be as safe as possible given my circumstances. Does anyone else suffer from skin problems whilst self-harming? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 860,"Title: Advise for a non-citizen splitting from an abusive partner? Text: This is in North Carolina. I should tell you the next sentence describes mild violence if that would be upsetting (TW?) I'm a third party to a married couple with two kids that are splitting up, the guy recently choked her and I think this was the impetus for the split. She is actually my landlord and I'm being asked to move asap so she can move in, which is acceptable, but I've ended up getting somewhat involved and I'm concerned for her. I'm allowing her to store some belongings in my home prior to me moving, but that's about all the help I can offer. She needs a home for her and her three kids in the short term, I think she's currently in a hotel. My lease runs well into next year and I may not be able to move for two months or so. I can tell she is just so lost because she's texting me at length and I barely know her, we don't talk. She's a professional woman with resources, but she's Chinese and I don't think she's familiar with how to get help or her rights in the states - nor am I. I'm not sure if she's a citizen, I think she's on a visa. I think she desperately needs legal help. He secretly recorded some kind of emotional breakdown she had and used it as blackmail to get her to agree to an even split of the possessions but we all know that's not equitable when kids are involved. Not to mention any immigration issues he might try to stir up. I was overwhelmed by the resources in the wiki, to be honest. How can she get temporary housing? A lawyer? Any sage advise I can pass along to her? My heart breaks for her and I'm not sure she has the support network she needs. If you need any hyper-specific information please DM. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 861,"Title: Did I get sexually harassed today? Text: I (m18) works in an office with all kinds of people around my age (between 18-21). I share my office with two other guys and one girl. Anyways, today I was sitting in my office, working, and only one of the guys was there. Then a friend of his (f19) came to our office to chat with him like usual. I know her, she works near us, and she comes to our office quite a lot. She’s kind of weird and very straight forward, and looks good. Today while talking to him she started talking to me too, and made a lot of weird jokes that the punchline was either if I want to see her vagina, do something to her or take my clothes off. It was kinda funny at the moment, but it made me feel very awkward, even more when the other guy is there. I started thinking about how if a guy said it to a girl it would be straight sexual harassment, and even though I find her attractive I was very put off by how she talked to me, and especially in public. When I told my mom about it when I got home (we have really open communication and she’s a student in gender studies) she literally asked me why I didn’t go for it. And if the girl looks good. I’m just so disappointed with her because she literally studies on women rights and sexual harassments and I didn’t expect to receive double standards like these from her. It was sexual harassment right? I feel like some people will just call me a pussy because I felt uncomfortable about a good looking girl aggressively flirting with me For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 862,"Title: I can’t understand if I’m depressed or just lonely Text: I don’t have any friends anymore, i don’t have the energy that I used to had time ago, I don’t want to do nothing, I just want to lying in bed and cry until I don’t have more tears... the things that I liked seems a little grey, I don’t join them very much... all I want is a little bit of affection... I can’t understand if there’s a serious problem or if there’s something wrong with me and my emotions... I don’t know what I should do, I’m lost into myself and my troughs... any advice? I need a psychologist? Ps. Sorry for bad english... and thanks to everyone that wants to comment or just read this... really, thanks.. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 863,"Title: Pissed on me Text: My (30f) abusive partner (30m) is a drunkard. One night he got so drunk, stomped my face with his shoe & pulled his pants down and pissed all over my face. Is the urinating considered physical abuse? I am filing for a divorce this week FINALLY. Idk just feel fkn humiliated and wish I could disappear For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","domesticviolence_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 864,"Title: RIP My Driver’s Side Window - a poem about my experience with domestic violence and disassociation Text: I run to the car and lock myself in. I look at him through the window of my driver’s seat. There’s a barrier between us, but I can’t see anything but him. What he just did. What he’s doing. His muffled screams slowly fade and I can’t hear anything but me. My thoughts. I black out from reality. I’m in a maze my brain created with no desire to find my way out. He hurt me. I hurt him. The battle never ends. I yell. He yells. Nobody ever wins. I was wrong. I did wrong. I know I did. I deserve it...what I got. I do. He did too, I swear it. We argued, most of the time...Okay, all of the time. His favorite time to argue, my favorite time to hide was when the alcohol wasn’t denied. The car shakes again and brings me back to reality. He’s pushing, pounding. I can see it...his face. His hate. 1 strike! “I’m safe here”. 2 strikes! “I’m safe here! I’m safe here! I’m safe here!” 3 strikes! And she’s out! Glass shatters around me. To My Driver’s Side Window, I needed a break. I owe you, not just for withstanding what I couldn’t but for being there when no one else was. For dulling the sound and keeping me from hearing what no one should ever say. For being the wall that said no when I couldn’t. You were my protection. My barrier. You kept me from harm and you died in the enemies arms. I’m sorry. RIP My Drivers Side Window. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 865,"Title: help with being continually sexually harassed and targeted by someone online Text: I am a minor being harassed by a former online friend on a social media website. Since about June this year, he has created posts on the website and ping-summoned me and many of my friends on these posts, which often have sexually explicit or slur-riddled titles. A notable example of this is one of the first series of posts, where he created an account ""dedicated"" to me and wrote several poems and stories detailing me having sex with him and how I turn him on. His goal is to upset me; his ""advances"" are not genuine. He has called me and many other minors transphobic, homophobic, anti-semitic, and racist slurs. I always report his accounts and posts without responding to any of them. However, he keeps making more with what I assume is a VPN. I feel stupid for letting it get to me, but it's draining and upsetting, and he refuses to stop harassing me and my friends. Even though this is a throwaway, I wouldn't be surprised if he somehow found this too. My friends have encouraged me to report him, but to who? I don't know who to tell or who can stop him (he is also a minor, albeit a few years older than me). I'm sorry if this is the wrong subreddit. I have no idea what other sites can help me, I don't know where to turn, I don't know how to make it stop. I just want it to stop. Directing towards useful sites/organizations/whatever would be helpful. I have several screenshots of his posts, most notably the recent ones from today, and have that proof to give over if I ever figure out who I should report this to. thank you For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 866,"Title: I'm getting evicted in a week and I don't know what to do with my cats before I kill myself Text: Long story short, I'm getting evicted in 7 days. I was already going to kill myself, this has just moved the timeline up a bit. I just dont know what to do with my cats. They don't deserve to starve but I don't have anyone to give them to. I suppose I could take them to a shelter but that sounds cruel. Yet another way I've failed everyone around me. I need help. I've needed help for a long time and I wish I had gotten it, but now it's too late For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 867,"Title: The man who raped me just got a child Text: I know I shouldn’t be doing this, and please don’t judge me for that, but I have the morbid habit to occasionally stalk my attacker’s Facebook account (it kinda rare but I admit doing it sometimes) because I feel really angry that he didn’t got any punishment despite the fact that I talked to the police, he just got a « severe warning » and whatever what that means, he’s still a free man meanwhile I had to seek for therapy for months. When I see him on his Facebook account, I sometimes wonder « can all his family members and friend ever imagine what he did to me? » He’s a 35/36 years old man (I’m newly 19 when I’m writing this, and was newly 18 when he did this to me) and when he raped me, he already had a daughter because that’s what he told after raping me when I confronted him with the fact that what he just did was awful. He told me something like « no you misunderstood what happened, I have a daughter myself how can I do such a thing » - Well sir, I literally begged you to stop, cried, and told that you were hurting me really bad!!!! Then today, I saw that he posted a new picture with a baby and people where congratulating him. That means at the time he raped me, he was already dating the mother of his children (or child if both of his kids aren’t from the same woman), and he got her pregnant not long after raping me. I feel extremely bad for this newborn child and this young girl (his daughter), so do I feel bad for the woman who shares his life. I think that’s really unfair that bad people can continue living as if nothing happened while you’re spending a lot of money and energy into healing… For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 868,"Title: kill myself or run into the woods and die Text: i can’t find work not sure which is a better opt For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 869,"Title: I feel as though these feelings don't hold count... Text: How can I want to die when sometimes I can feel happy and hopeful? How can I still think about death and killing myself when sometimes I get glimpses of a beautiful life? I feel like my thoughts and feelings don't ""count"", because it isn't *always* how I feel. But when I'm down, when it's hard, when nothing's distracting me from it, I still want to die. Why? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 870,"Title: Consent? Text: Hello - I find the topic of sexual harassment extremely serious, yes still a little confusing. I am curious on where people generally find the line that crosses over into SH. So I wanted to give a situation, and hear from people if they believe it is SH or not. While these are just generalizations, please understand I am not trying to be funny, or intentionally stupid - I seriously want to better understand the line. This is more of a thought experiment. Also, I need to stress that I feel SH is very important- but it is important that there are some general understanding of where the lines are. In the situations below, my intent is never sexual, although I realize that in most states the accused intent is irrelevant, and is more about how the victim feels and if the words/actions make her uncomfortable. Situation: I am at a party with a female friend. Later in the night, I see her laying on the couch. She appears tired and possibly drunk - at least tipsy. She also appears cold. I pull a nearby blanket and put it on her. I caress her arms for about 3 seconds in an attempt to warm her up, and I give her a peck on the cheek. The woman does not reply and quickly falls asleep. Based on her condition, she is beyond the ability to give consent AS FAR AS I CAN TELL. Obviously I can't tell for sure how drunk/tired she is, but I do know it is a major factor in her current state. I leave the room (leaving her alone in what I believe is a safe environment) and have no further contact with her until the morning. (I should mention that we have no working relationship). In the morning, her best friend tells her what I did. Q1: Based on what we know so far, and based on the fact that the woman never gave any type of consent, would this is SH? Q2: If the two of us had been dating for 1 year when this happened, does that change anything? If so, where is the line from unwanted touching and SH during the lifespan of dating? 1 week, 1 month, 1 year, ever? Q3: Instead of dating, what if we were married, does this change anything? Again, at no time did she give me consent to touch her, or kiss her. While we certainly have caressed and kissed in the past, I know that does not mean I have consent anytime/anyplace I want, and she is free to change her mind about what she is comfortable with at any time. Q4: If instead of being in a relationship or married, we were just friends. Does that change anything? Q5: Same as question 4, but both of us are females. Does that change anything? I realize how stupid these questions sound - no need to reply just to tell me how stupid I am. I am really just curious. Thanks for any serious answers / discussions. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 871,"Title: I want to die but I also fear death. I am literally doomed Text: I don’t even know what else to do at this point. It’s never gonna get better for me. I’m too much of a coward to actually end my life. So I am stuck in this prison for the next 40 years or so :( For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 872,"Title: DAE feel... unsatisfied if they don't go deep enough? Text: I always need to reach a certain ""Yes this will scar noticeably"" point before I'm satisfied. If I don't reach that, for whatever reason, I'm left feeling incomplete. It's like, shallow isn't good enough. On a related note, DAE actually like their scars? I can't describe it, but I've never thought them to be disgusting. I was offered a few salves to try and minimize them, and I immediately turned it down. I like them. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 873,"Title: Just looking for someone to maybe voice chat with Text: Exactly what the title says. Just looking to talk to someone about random shit. 31 F NYC here. If we hit it off, we can voice chat on Snapchat For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 874,"Title: SH and periods...lmao Text: Sometimes when I'm on my period and I get an urge to cut i step back and think like ""bruh im already bleeding enough as it is"" and just stay in bed. Too tired and hormonal to think about SHing rn ngl For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 875,"Title: I just want to die. I don’t want to be here anymore. Text: I don’t want to be talked out of it. I just want to finally do it. Does anyone know of any resources for help committing suicide? Organizations that will help people follow through on their plans to end their suffering? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 876,"Title: man fuck, I'm so depressed. Text: I hate everything about myself, I'm so lonely and isolated from everyone, and my trust was basically betrayed by my best friend, and he don't understand why I'm still pissed at him For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 877,"Title: Does sleep make you feel rested? Text: Just wondered, because I wake up more exhausted than when I went to sleep. Sleep disorders ruled out, vitamin deficiencies, every blood test done all negative. My depression and anxiety has landed me in a psychiatric hospital. All three doctors I've spoken to all keep telling me depression can make me feel the way I'm feeling, and that it can be worse than what I'm currently experiencing. I'm finding it very hard to accept that waking up feeling like I've been beaten up and run a marathon is just depression. Even standing for more than a few minutes wipes me out. I've been told to exercise but even that is like walking through mud. Anyone else get this? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 878,"Title: i have a plan Text: i’m done. i’m terrified but i’m waiting until february so i can come to terms with death and not ruin my loved ones upcoming birthdays. i’ve started my letters and i’m starting to give up in school because what’s the point now For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 879,"Title: venting Text: I am so tired of trying to find a decent job. I hate it. Every time I find a new job, the pay is so low and I'm still left struggling. I have a degree in sociology. I want to go back to school, but I need a job right now I pay my bills. Life sucks so much right now. This has been going on for the last 3 years. It's to the point where now I'm considering becoming a police officer because I need a decent paying job. Crazy thing is, I don't want to be a police officer and I hate paramilitary institutions. But I feel like I have no choice. Law enforcement just doesn't fit my personality. I like to grow my hair, dye it, wear piercings, smoke weed, and mind my business. I feel like everybody's gonna be like just stop smoking weed, but I need it. I have a medical card and use it for anxiety and depression, in addition to my daily meds. I just feel my head is going to explode. I just want a decent paying job, while being allowed to be myself. Why is that so fucking hard. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 880,"Title: It's impossible for me to be in relationships because I find almost every girl has a bad breath Text: When I meet girls and we're getting close, I often am repulsed by their mouth smells and breath. Some girls its to the extreme that I just want to vomit when I smell their breaths. And with the others it's just unpleasant. I have met very few in my life that didn't have a smell at all. I don't know what to do. It's ruining my relationships. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 881,"Title: How do I tell my bf I was raped Text: Last night we tried to have sex but I couldn’t do it the flash backs him being on top of me I broke down crying infront of him for the first time in almost a year we’ve Been together for a year btw and just yeh and idk how to start the conversation either For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 882,"Title: What is the correct way to deal with a bad memory? (Post two) Text: I’ve posted this already once here on this sub, though I’d like to get some more insight on it, so I’ve decided to post it for a second time. If I have a memory with mild-medium emotional trauma attached, which gives me anxiety, should I try to accept/confront/come to terms with it? Or should I try to forget about it? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 883,"Title: sexualizing myself Text: I think I was sexually harrased multiple times. All of those times were online, which makes me feel like I'm being overdramatic. I've started to sexualize myself now, and I don't know why. I hate it, it's not me. But it makes me feel like people will love me more and value me more. Is this common with sexual harrasement or is this unrelated? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 884,"Title: I wish to feel bad Text: But I can't. I feel painfully normal and fine. There is nothing wrong but I want there to be so much wrong. I want to be traumatized. I want to be hurt. I want to be damaged. I want something fhat would make my thoughts true. Something that would justify my scars. But there is nothing. I got nothing. I can come up with excuses but deep down i know they mean nothing. There is absolutely nothing wrong and i hate it. I want something bad to happen. I want everything to make sense. But nothing ever does. My life is just completely normal and i hate that. I got nothing to feel bad about and I don't feel bad. I feel normal. I have to force myself to feel bad by seeking stuff that'll make me feel that way. Be it movies or songs. I have to put effort into feeling bad and i hate that. I force myself into selfharming. There is no emotion behind it. There js no emotion behind anything. It's all there so that i appear faulty. But i know im not. My scars mean nothing. There is jo reason behind them, but yet i keep making more. I'm a fraud. I need to keep the illusion going. I don't want to feel normal. I want there to be a reason behind everything. I want it to make sense. That's all i wanted to say. Just venting i guess For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 885,"Title: I’m about to turn 24 and I still cut myself Text: I don’t know. I just need to tell someone. All my former friends who self harmed are married with children and I don’t know if they still self harm or not. They just seem really put together and happy. I know it’s hypocritical because I seem that way too. I just feel alone in this. I feel too old to be doing this still. It feels pathetic. It used to be this sick sort of group activity where I cut myself, my friends cut themselves, it was normal. But now it’s just me. And it’s really sad. I don’t know. I’m drunk and I cut myself for the third time this week and I had to say this to somebody. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 886,"Title: Has anyone regressed after moving back home with parents? Text: When my wife was a teenager living at home with her parents, she use to self harm. She describes her childhood as pleasant and has supportive parents. Since leaving home at 19 and living alone she started to feel much more confident about her self-image and her identity. After many years living alone & with me, we moved back in with her parents and have been here 2 years. We have our own rooms upstairs but share the kitchen/garden. Overall is has been a stress-free living arrangement for all involved. Yesterday she revealed that since moving back here she started self-harming again. Perhaps 10 times in the past 2 years. I had no idea she had done this recently or in her childhood, and she said she is good at hiding it. She never told me because she was embarassed and ashamed. I told her she shouldn't be, but also not to feel bad about not telling me. She said she does not feel like herself when she is here. At no point has she indicated that she is ashamed that she moved back with her parents. In our case, it was the easiest option both logistically and financially. She hasn't been able to express in words how she feels about living here other than that she hates it. I suspect there is still a parent-child dynamic between her and her parents that I was not aware of and that has made her feel less independent and grown-up. Also during the 2 years she has been finishing her professional training which has been extremely stressful. She also feels guilty that she self-harms despite growing up in a supportive household, whereas some of her friends have been through some awful childhoods. Comparably, she thinks her self-harm is unjustified. Conincidentally we will be moving out next month which is going to give us our own space and also more free time for her (less commute etc.). Is it possible the self-harm is only triggered when living with her parents. I am hopeful it will stop after we move out, but also aware that if we face difficulties in the future, she may revert to the same behaviour. Has anyone dealt with issues such as this when moving back in with their parents? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 887,"Title: I love how I can relate to people on this sub Text: Before I found out about this i felt kinda alone on this like I was just a big mess and like I was fighting through it myself, so thanks For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 888,"Title: Deeply depressed Text: Things that normally bring me happiness only make me feel numb or I don’t even want to make art for example. I’m failing my courses right now and I feel very alone. My eating habits haven’t been great either. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 889,"Title: TW:SH, My girlfriend is cutting and I need help making sure she’s okay. Text: She told me yesterday that she’s been cutting and I told her that even tho I don’t want her cutting I’d be here to support her and for her to be honest with me and that I wouldn’t be disappointed if she couldn’t come clean. This isn’t my first time helping someone with SH but it’s my first time I love so much and care so much about. Also this is my first post here sorry if it’s not the right place. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 890,"Title: Self harm / suicidal cravings Text: Seeing if anyone ever is manic and is messaging and calling everyone of your friends and no one opens or responds to you and you don’t believe that anyone gives a shit if you live or die and you type out a message explaining that you are having irrational thoughts and you delete it and throw your phone because they will just be more burdened by your annoyance and it’s really hard to keep fighting the irrational thoughts because they make so much sense right now. ? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 891,"Title: Working on your self esteem Text: What are some ways you have learned to work on your self esteem and confidence? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 892,"Title: back to zero Text: Cut myself again and I wanna keep going I wanna make my entire arm a mess My job is overwhelming me, my gf is spending more time with her friends than with me, I can't stand my family I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it I want to fucking die but I know I'm too much of a coward For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 893,"Title: I can't tell what's real, I would like some insight. Text: Simply put, I've been stressed, I think I'm dissociating but I'm not entirely sure how it should feel like. I feel like I'm on autopilot everyday, sometimes I forget about what I do the entire day. Sometimes I do things that I don't feel like doing but I do them anyway, like going out, I found myself on a trip and I didn't even want to be there, I even forgot to take my pills (for agoraphobia). ​ I recall feeling like this not very long ago because I was having stress (related to a toxic relationship) but it actually made me feel like I wasn't real, that things weren't real, I couldn't recognize my parents' faces, I felt like memories had no emotions attached to them. Maybe this time it is not that serious? I can't sleep properly, I can't do things I want to do because I find myself ""wasting time"" everyday instead of doing what I want to do. My memory is also awful, I can't remember almost anything about my life, and the things I do remember I feel like they were dreams, and I actually remember them in third person? I have a memory of my mom trying to abandon me in a place I didn't know, and I was very little at the time, probably younger than 5 years old... she says this didn't happen, but I can't trust her and I can't trust my memory either. I don't know what to do, I feel like this is not problematic? I don't feel okay, I don't feel fine, but I don't want to waste my psychologist's time. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 894,"Title: Why can i only feel love and want intimacy when i am drunk or on drugs? Text: When im sober i dont talk much, i dont want to interact with anyone, my whole energy is different. I drink since my 18 birthday and i am 28 now. Last few years did a lot of parties and drinking mixed with drugs. And in some time i did benzos for the comedowns because it was unbearable at times. So life sober feels like everything is gray and nothing really gives me pleasure or joy anymore for the most of the time. I dont talk too much anymore and my talk is very slow and emotionless. What can i do to heal my soul and brain again? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 895,"Title: How to rid hate from the heart Text: I want it all gone. I don’t want it all gone though. I like the feeling but it’s been the one thing that’s always felt good. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 896,"Title: Girl broke up with me, I'm going to end it on New Years Text: I'm pathetic. I'm 26 years old and I've only ever dated 2 women. I was dating this woman for almost 2 months and at the end of our last date she said she couldn't picture us as more then friends, at the same time dangling the possibility of resuming our in the future. I'm si tired of being alone. I've been rejected so many times and if I can't find anyone before the end if the year I'm going to off myself. Life isn't worth living without romantic relationship. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 897,"Title: My wifes father suffers from schizophrenia and has trouble living on his own. Text: He currently has a lawyer that is his guardian but she doesn’t seem to do anything at all for him. He was living on his own in his own apartment but he had no food, the apartment was a dump and no one was checking on him. My wife has been estranged from her father most of her life but she still worries about him. She wants to take guardianship of him but I have concerns about what this will mean for us. Especially with seeing that in Ohio guardians that are family receive no compensation. It’s important to note, I wouldn’t do this for the money but I feel like it would be a lot of work and possibly out of pocket expenses which we cannot really afford. I hate seeing my wife stress about him though. He is living in a group home now (after my wife and I discovered his living conditions). Can I be compensated if I took guardianship of him? My wife is bipolar so I know she really wouldn’t be able to handle being his guardian so it would be me. Currently she is manic over him so I was thinking maybe it will make my life easier and cause her to worry less if I just became his guardian. Thanks. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 898,"Title: I just want a hug Text: Honestly, it would help a lot, even though I know it'd only help for a few seconds.. I imagine how nice a hug must feel and it makes me feel even worse than usual .. Trying to hug myself just make it feel like I'm desperately reaching for something I can't reach For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 899,"Title: T/W SewerSlide Text: I feel. Empty. And I feel. Lost? I'm going to attempt to off my self tonight. If it happens, it happens. If not. That sucks. I'll try again. I just want to see the blood well up in those cuts again. I miss it. It almost feels like... Home? I don't make sense, and I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm sorry. Please take care of yourself, whoever reads this. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_active_ongoing" Question 900,"Title: Does anybody worry their therapist won’t think their rape was that bad? Text: I’ve recently started struggling with whether or not my therapist thinks my rape was severe or serious or bad. She works with many rape victims and I’m sure she hears stories regularly that are worse than mine so to speak. There’s just a part of me that wants the validation that she thinks my rape was serious. She’s said things before like ‘it was bad and evil and it shouldn’t have happened’ but I don’t know if she truly means it. I almost have an envy of those whose rapes were worse than mine because sometimes I feel like my therapist is wondering what I’m so upset about. How do I stop this? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 901,"Title: i can’t find comfort in my mom anymore Text: i love my mama. i love her a lot, but she treats and makes me feel like shit sometimes. i hate how passive aggressive she is, i hate how she made me feel right now. i know i’m not the best, but god damn does it hurt to say “i thank u for the way u act because it’ll make me into a stronger person. i’m just 16, i lost my dad, i lost myself throughout the last 2-4 years, and now i’m losing my mama. i miss my mom. porque mi ? why does my mom blame me so much. i don’t want this anymore. i can’t. i don’t think i want to live and love a mother like that. its thundering, and i’m afraid of thunder and usually i run to my mama for comfort. but now the thunder is comforting me more than my urge to go run to my mama. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 902,"Title: I threw away my blades last night! Text: This is a really big step for me! I'm really proud of myself :D For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 903,"Title: Cut myself up again Text: Used to cut my right thigh when I got too overwhelmed or upset in my relationship. It scarred over because I stopped. My husband left me for another woman. Cut again on my right thigh, and I started cutting on my left arm as well. I feel ashamed of myself. I know I will hate these scars as they solidify themselves permanently on my skin…. Just wish I were dead but don’t want to hurt my loved ones, so this is second best. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 904,"Title: Breach restraining order Text: My ex has a restraining order against him from me. I still asked the police to let him have visitation rights and to be able to FaceTime the children as he works out of state. He sends me messages threatening to get custody and hiring an expensive lawyer as I can’t afford one. I couldn’t take the continuous msging so I blocked him, he then proceeds to send me so many emails and calls me private, in the last 2 hours I got over a 100 missed calls, he already spoke to the kids on FaceTime but when he does he tries to talk to me. He knows he is breaching the restraining order as he is not allowed to harass me. I just don’t want to call the police as I’m filing for child support and need help financially. If I call the police he could end up in jail and would not be able to work. If he will fight for custody of the children, would it help if i say he breached the restraining order? I just don’t know what to do anymore. he has put me in a very hard position financially as he put businesses in my name and I found out there is a lot of debt. I just can’t stand the abuse and the constant harassment. I don’t know how to get him to stop without involving the police. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 905,"Title: Be safe Text: Just a kindly reminder to stay safe especially when traveling alone :) so you don't get robbed or raped like me For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 906,"Title: Nightmares after five years Text: I re-entered therapy a couple of days ago because I feel like I'm going through moderate depression. I was raped five years ago and I received therapy for it about two years ago. I wasn't intending to talk about it, but the therapist pressed me on it and I feel like I'm going through a stage of re-traumatisation. I haven't been able to eat for two days, I feel very sleepy and I can't stop crying. After the session I had a nap and had a nightmare about my therapist raping me. I feel completely stuck in a cycle of emotional turmoil. I do not feel well. It's worse than depression; I feel unstable. Please tell me this gets better. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 907,"Title: My whole arm surrounding my fresh cuts hurts? Text: Wtf? I have it wrapped up decently tight since I hit beans but like inches above and below the 2 cuts hurts. Like stings like a mofo For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 908,"Title: Please read please I need information Text: I’m going to take 1,750 mg of Zoloft and 400 mg of Prozac. To those who have overdosed before and survived what were your symptoms? If an ambulance was called/you went to the hospital did they put you in some kind of psych ward? I need a timeline on how long I’ll be sick before I die. I need information I am begging. I am 5’6 around 110-115 pounds afab and 15 years old. I will do this no matter what I need to know what symptoms I will experience. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 909,"Title: Workaholicism as an escape from depression/loneliness Text: (NOTE: For reference, I am in law school, which absolutely does put you through about 40 hours of work a week at the least, so I'm justified in referring to my studies as ""work""). It's the only thing that works to stop the sting anymore, to stop me from further spiraling, to stop me from fully understanding how lonely I am, to keep me from realizing how I just want somebody to hold me. Video games have stopped working, my music has stopped working; I enjoy them, sure, but I'm perpetually left with a sense of how lonely I am while doing them. I can't afford the brain power to think about loneliness and depression while I'm doing work for law school. The readings require too much from me for that. So I throw myself into every reading I'm assigned, every supplementary material I'm assigned, any extra study aids I can get, anything just to numb myself. I don't even want to leave the law building anymore because I know it'll hit me when I get home. This is hell. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 910,"Title: I sh for the first time Text: So I just want to get this off my chest since I have no one to tell it to. Today I sh for the first time, and I want to do it again. It felt good and I like those scars, I know I have no reason to feel this way since my life is not that bad at all but I just felt the urge to do it for more than I week and today I finally gave up and did it. I feel really guilty but I can't help myself wanting more of this feeling. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 911,"Title: Parents who are not permitted to escape their abusers Text: The court system for DV victims is frightening, is it not? Particularly, for parents who are not permitted to escape their abusers. One, often used, means of abuse is the threat. So, does the threat of returning to court count? My abuser threatens police, third party, and court action if I do not respond to accusatory messages or adjust the parenting schedule (I never waiver from the parenting plan - ever). And yet, I seek zero legal help. The reason being, I'm almost sure the courts/police would not view these threats as legitimate. Why? Well, because the institutions I'd be petitioning for help ARE the threat. And courts have to uphold the notion that they are not an entity to be feared, right? Furthermore, I've heard that the first person to pursue legal action becomes know as the ""up start,"" the bad guy, the frowned upon. So, despite sleepless nights, fear, alienation, worry, and hours upon hours spent collecting and organizing preemptive exhibits, I take zero legal steps. I remain in a defensive position at a constant. I often hear, ""Oh, just let it go. Don't worry about it. He'll never do thoes things."" And I wonder ""Well, how much evidence and money will I have, exactly, if I sit here and plan for nothing?"" My guess is very little.   So, instead, I work myself ragged in ""what if"" land. I swear, I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't. Threatened with the very system that might save me from threat. Gaah, when will this end! This is a small piece of a very large puzzle: Harrassment was discussed many times in court. He was simply told not to do it. We use a communication app, the defamatory remarks continue regardless. I never respond. He currently slanders me via email (libel) to our daughter's councelor. I have no idea how this is affecting my professional relationship with this authority. Depending on the councelors experience, she'll either dismiss it outright or she'll adopt a negative view of me as a parent. The physical abuse was addressed only during the first of six or seven hearings. He was ordered a psychological evaluation but did not comply. Our hearing officer never brought it up again. He was non compliant at every hearing. Never submitted proof of therapy, firearms, refused to submit paperwork for our daughter, I could go on and on. Yes, I had legal representation throughout. He was eventually ordered one overnight with our child; very little time. But for how long? How long before he motions the court and our daughter becomes subject to more harm? She needs a father. I get it, I do, I remember the need very well. She also cries, returns home confused or passing messages, and shows me that she feels unsafe in his home. If you are in a similar position: I am so damn proud of you. You should not have to bear this weight but you do. Your beautiful kids deserve so much more. Hang tight. I'm with you. If you are being abused: If you feel trapped, confused, manipulated, degraded, worthless, depressed, frightened, anxious, isolated. If you've been pushed, yanked, tripped, restrained, pinned, blocked, hit, choked, threatened, stalked. If you've had items taken from you, hidden from you, broken in front of you, next to you, over you. DO NOT HESITATE. Get a protection order NOW! Yes, you probably love this person, you may stay with this person, but the day you leave you will thank GOD you gave yourself a means. Please. A protection order that is sought late in the game, once proceedings are underway, will be viewed as retribution. Your request will be disapproved. It will be too late. - Love Raving Mad Mommy For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 912,"Title: My ""safety plan"" for the next few weeks. Text: I will keep my door locked when he is angry. I will avoid him as much as possible even though he lives in same house. I will keep my cat with me in my room as usual and keep her safe. I will contact share houses and units daily. In Aus we receive a 750 payment due to corona next week then a few weeks after our welfare payments will basically double. I'm using this to escape him. Once it doubles I will be able to afford my own small unit. He will expect me to give him my payments as he has already said he will spend his welfare payments on drugs. I'm not giving him my money and will lie and say my payment didn't double if I have to. I will continue my birth control. I will also most likely not give my landlord notice when I leave as it's likely abuser will find out and hurt me. If I lose $280 bond so be it but hopefully there will be an exception for this. I'm not sure what else to add. I would say call police but I don't want to be homeless while an order is pending plus I have my cat. I'm also considering calling dv connect again to talk about pet friendly hotel options and any possible option where I could leave faster as long as I can take my cat with me. I won't leave without her. I hope everything goes to plan. I'm scared of him. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 913,"Title: I want to feel loved. Text: I’m 20f and I just want to experience love. I have never had a boyfriend or my first kiss. The closets I’ve had to a boyfriend is when I have dreams about being in a relationship, when I wake up i have a superficial butterflies thinking about my dream. Sad, right? It’s hard for me because I have a lot of love but no one to give it too. I get told, it’s because I don’t put myself out there, but where should I put myself? Dating website? No thanks, I’m not confident enough. I use to make myself believe that it will happen when it happens, like a miracle. As I get older I worry i will never be in a relationship. I’m a decent looking women, a bit chubby but nothing working out can’t fix. Is it because I’m wanting to date for marriage? To find my forever someone? Idk, I’m just rambling. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 914,"Title: I finally told my girlfriend that I self-harm Text: Just the other day, was lying in the grass at a park with my girlfriend, and I decided that it was time to admit that I am a self-harmer. I opened up to her, and she didn't hate me or call me crazy. She was kinda surprised (guess I hid it well) but she was so supportive. She asked a bunch of questions about what it is like to deal with sh and promised to keep it a secret. Then she just kind of held me. I'm glad I told her. All she showed me was love at my literal most vulnerable spot. I don't feel so alone anymore. EDIT: Thank you everyone for all the encouraging words. You all really are the best in this community. Thank you. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 915,"Title: I might have to move back in with my dad Text: I \[16f\] haven't seen my father \[33m\] in nearly a year. He kicked me out when I was 14, in the middle of the pandemic and essentially left me homeless. I was able to contact my mother, who agreed to letting me live with her even though she had no custody rights. My dad has always been very physically abusive and his wife, too. I dealt with regular beatings for years, staying up until 2am cleaning blinds for a B+, etc. Lately my mom has been very sick and I'm afraid if something happens to her, I will have to go back with my father. I feel selfish for worrying about myself when she's the one who's sick, but that doesn't stop me from being worried all the same. I was thinking about getting emancipated, but it seems like a hassle. Is it worth it? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",childabuse_endangerment_past Question 916,"Title: I accidentally hit styro and I feel like absolute and utter shit Text: I mean I think so, all the telltale signs were there. It was white, took a while to bleed and while I wouldn’t call it gaping, it’s way wider, more open than my other cuts. I didn’t think it was that easy. I thought it would never be me, I thought I only did cat scratches. Well here I fucking am. I’m not very experienced with razors, I genuinely didn’t know they were that sharp. I just put some pressure, not that much. I put way more with knives. What I’m really afraid of is that now I won’t be satisfied with going shallower. I will keep wanting to repeat this, I fucking know it. God damn. I guess I now need to go buy some actual bandages and stuff, because if it really is that easy to cross the line once you get your hands on something actually sharp, I’m fucked. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 917,"Title: Hey, MoS is down temporarily - sorry to the mods here for the influx of posts Text: We’re trying to figure out the best way of dealing with this situation and at the moment we are on a temporary lockdown. MoS is back open For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 918,"Title: Self harm feels helpful as a punishment Text: I’ve been self harming a few times in the past couple of months. Yesterday I did it in a rage and it was helpful to release the pain. I told people close to me and some of them are clearly worried, which ironically makes me feel guiltier and like I should punish myself more. Because of that, there’s part of me that wants to keep doing it and not tell anyone. There’s also another part that is telling me to try my best to pull myself out of this. I feel trapped and like I just want this all to end. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 919,"Title: yeah, no, you wanting me to stay alive is selfish too. Text: wow, I am sorry that I am not your perfect little daughter, I am sorry that i have emotions and I suffer, I am sorry that i will never be the person you want me to be. I am sorry that you value the appearance of functionality over actual joy. I am tired of the feeling that love requires me to be this nice, clean little object for you to have as an interest, for you to show your friends and laugh and get mad at for having intense emotions now that he is not a cute little child with no responsibilities. you know what, i don't fucking care that you would rather have a breathing but suffering houseplant of a loved one than a human being with bodily autonomy and the freedom to make his own decisions. just, in general. one day you will wake up to find that I don't fit into your comfy little boxes of good and bad, selfish and selfless. I will do something that you do not like. it is inevitable, when you build up this weird, idealized copy of a person, any change to their body is mutilation. and then you will call everyone you know a narcissist, get angry, call anyone who kind of disagrees with you an awful person right after lamenting the fact that someone criticized something you did, and ""can't we all just get along? can't a person just be imperfect and make mistakes sometimes? I don't need to change my actions. don't you know? if I say it was a mistake it makes me free from any accountability"" love should be a conversation. love that strangles, love that controls, love that does not listen is selfish love. love acknowledges that ultimately, the loved has control over their body, that in the end, you can not expect the loved to do what you want them too always. you can advise, you can recommend, you can reduce harm, but you can not ever run from it. if I choose to die, I choose to die, and at the end of the day, if your love is conversational, you will be ok with and trust my judgement, or you will stop loving me. I never asked for unconditional love. if you do not want to love me, I respect that. a lot of people I know have attempted suicide. less have succeeded. I will advise them, I will support and care but I won't judge them. I will treat them the same way i always want to be treated. they deserve dignity, they deserve to have their thoughts and their judgement believe and trusted, they deserve to make choices and they deserve to not have those choices intercepted ""for their own good"". this applies to everything. friends do drugs? self harm? get surgery? do something risky? ""be careful, make sure you are doing things as safely as you can, to minimize risk, if you need help finding/accessing resources, I will help you. for some things: I would recommend that you don't do that. but I can not stop you. sometimes I wish it was possible to hold you, store you on a self, wrapped in bubblewrap, never experiencing any pain or discomfort, but I love you. I know you would whither in those conditions. and I love you because I want what is best for you. putting my feelings about your life over your feelings is not what is best for you. and so I will be anxious and sad sometimes, in exchange for your well-being. that is what comes with love. I have to let you go be a human in the big scary world, and I trust that you will let me do the same."" not sure where i am going with this, sorry, just needed to write my thoughts down somewhere. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 920,"Title: Help Text: Help. SOS 🆘 Everyday I wake up I’m like really again? I have to go and pretend that I want to be here. I’m really lonely. I’m trying to find a gf but nothing works. I have no friends in college. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 921,"Title: Agony Text: I've been fighting against the urge to end it all. I've always wanted to meet her, go outside of my country, make her the happiest girl that has ever existed but now that she's gone, it's hard to see the point in anything. I am simply acting accordingly. I wanna see her so bad yet I made a promise that'll I'll visit her grave and lay orchids one day. I failed to keep a few promises when she was here so at least, this will be some sort of a redemption. Idk what lays in the other side anymore, whether it's a giant guy that'll send me to the land of fire forever or be within her arms for the first time. I wanna see who's the taller one. I wanna hear her laugh in person. I wanna see her lovely smile. It was all I needed. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 922,"Title: I feel like BeReal. is no different than any other social media platform Text: I left social media a few weeks ago (still checking on Reddit a couple of times a week), and while I can only post pics about working as an architect or being at home doing nothing, everyone else posts about theirselves dating and being with friends in the middle of a weekday. Am I the only one who posts crap I’m actually doing or everyone else has a better life than me? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 923,"Title: Bank of America Text: Wow!!! this is crazy a coworker of mine said a guy named John Sharpe at BOA was fired from Everbank last year and is already been investigated for sexual harassment here. She said he tried to take a girl to his new house. I guess some thing never change https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/5nxl1k/everbank/ For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 924,"Title: Not interested in hobbies Text: I think one of the worst parts of depression is losing interest in the things you love. i used to wear cool outfits, crazy make up, bake, play guitar, draw you name it! but as time and the pandemic pasted i just can’t find the energy or the love of the things that used to make me happy, i mostly lay in bed, work, maybe eat a meal or two sleep and then back at it the next day. It’s a deep rut but it’s the one i’m standing in For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 925,"Title: managed to go 24 hours with out cutting Text: Feeling like this is a step in the right direction in healing myself, it's hard...I still have that urge to cut but the support from others from just being clean for 24 hours is amazing Be proud of the small achievements and don't be so hard on yourself For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 926,"Title: Doesn't it fucking suck how you can be laughing and enjoying something but at the same time remain unbelievably sad the whole time. Text: I feel like nothing makes me happy; even when I'm laughing and enjoying something like a movie or some shit I still just feel incredibly upset and depressed. Sometimes I actually feel worse. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 927,"Title: I’m a cancer patient. I’m done with chemo. My recent lumpectomy went amazing. My surgeon considers me cancer-free. My hair is growing back and I don’t hate it. I’m about halfway through radiation. I got the COVID vaccine. I’m working again. I start college in the fall. But why am I still so sad? Text: Everything’s going well and getting better! I should be happy and grateful! But I’m not! And I don’t know why?!? Is it because I’m lonely? Is it due to the pandemic? Am I actually not happy with my hair or how I look? Am I still grieving what I lost? Is it because I’ve lost most of my support system since I’ve mostly finished treatment? Is it due to my mental issues that existed before cancer? Is it because I’ve changed so much? I feel the most broken I’ve ever felt in my entire life. I don’t even feel like the same person I was before, I’ve been so broken and damaged. I do a lot of “distracting,” keeping myself occupied watching YouTube and playing video games so I’m not sad all the time but when I’m left alone with my thoughts I just get sad. I’m trying to find a therapist right now so hopefully some of this will be improved. I just don’t really understand why I’m still sad when things are turning around and getting better! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 928,"Title: I just want help but idk what to do anymore. Text: I (21m) hate my life. Quick story so about 2 years ago my whole family moved away and I got my own place, all I do is work and go home and I do nothing with my life. I’m not smart and I’m beginning to think I’m autistic, I’m socially inept, ugly, and no one wants to be around me because I come off as rude to people even though I don’t try to. I don’t know how to socialize in a healthy way with anybody. I get so nervous anywhere I go and I feel people are always watching me and laughing at me. It’s so fucking easy for people to say the most cliche things like “just take a deep breathe” no none of it fucking works I’m a mentally diseased human being and if I don’t find out who I am or figure this life thing out I’ll probably suck on the barrel of my shotgun. I’m tired of being a life observer and not a participant, I have nobody. Yes I’ve tried therapy, yes I’ve tried meds, I fuckin hate it I wanna be happy so bad but do not know how to. Just goes to show how sad my life is when im resorting to Reddit to vent. Fuck this life. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 929,"Title: How to conceal? Text: I have an event where I have to be wearing a short shirt in a week, but yesterday I cut everywhere on my arms. I’ve previously concealed my scars with concealer and foundation but my worry is that the wounds are too recent and open for me to put makeup on them. What is the best, but not obvious, way to hide my arms when I have to wear short sleeves For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 930,"Title: My mom cares Text: She didn't see my cuts, but she saw my bruises that I had on my arm and she told me to not do it again, that it wasn't good for me, it wasn't in a bad or aggressive tone, it was a caring and loving one, it made me feel really bad for even starting, I feel really guilty for having this problem. I'm trying to stop, I'm tempted to stay clean for longer this time, I'm really scared something's gonna happen, I'm really scared of someone finding out I love my mom, and even though she's not perfect and even though she might not understand everything about self harm or mental illness, it's comforting to know she cares to at least notice. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 931,"Title: How do you cope with sex after rape? Text: I have been having sex with a guy but we don’t know each other that well yet. Once I just froze and started crying in the middle of it and felt like I couldn’t say anything, as if the words wouldn’t come out of my mouth. But he noticed and said he was not carrying on until I told him what was wrong. He was so nice about it, I feel guilty and like I’m letting him down. I don’t want my body to react in this way but I can’t help it. I want to enjoy sex but at random times I just suddenly get triggered, I can’t always tell when it’s going to happen. Has anyone else been in a position like this? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 932,"Title: I’m probably going to end my life soon Text: I can’t tell anyone I don’t want to hurt them. I’ve been doing this too long, it’s so painful. I’ve told so many people this past week I want to end my life and no one cares. Been trying to get help for so many years. Got no one to even talk to anymore. Id do it now but all I have is knifes and I can’t handle the pain going that deep. I’m going to overdose on something that will be painless. I’ve got so many journals I’ll probably have to burn or something so no one reads them lol For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 933,"Title: I hate it. Text: TW: sh I feel relieved. I hate it! Why do I feel, so relieved through my many cuts even, if they aren't deep? like they probably didn't even hit ""styro"". I hate it. I still want to cut deeper, even after that feeling of relaxation i'm having right now. I really can't stop it. I destroy my life with it. I feel like. I could finally go to sleep. I really still want to cut deeper and deeper and deeper! I want to finally reach something, that I can be proud of. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 934,"Title: Today i realised something Text: Today i realised that no one can actually help me. Talking to someone doesn’t help long term it only helps in that moment as soon as i come home and lay in my bed i am back at square one, and i am not gonna talk to someone every second for the rest of my life. So i have come to the conclusion that i have to live with this shit for the rest of my life, and it really hit me deep down. Hopefully i will hang on till i am old and die of old age, but no promises I just had to get this out there For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 935,"Title: i feel gross Text: im 16 if that matters. ive come to reddit since i have nowhere else/no one else to go to. so i had sex with a guy, he was quite a bit older, 28 to be specific. he didnt try to make me feel good at all, just focused on himself and made me really uncomfortable. i asked him to stop multiple times but he didnt listen. i dont even know if its rape because i originally did say yes, im probably just being an idiot. im not sure how to word this but he came inside of me, i feel disgusting. i started crying and he hit me and told me to shut the fuck up. i feel like useless trash, someone unimportant who can just be tossed to the side whenever. my body feels gross and i cant stop crying, im just a little bitch i know. i hate myself because i enjoyed it. i had an orgasm. maybe it isnt rape? if im wrong please tell me and ill remove the post. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","childabuse_endangerment_ongoing, rape_ongoing" Question 936,"Title: My boyfriend doesn’t believe in himself. Text: He wants to be a professional football player. He wants to become a civil engineer. Unfortunately we are both students and are very poor at the moment. He dropped out of school to support us and is having trouble getting back. I asked him not to leave but i am very grateful for him supporting us through the school year. I recently found a new job that pays well (i was unemployed for awhile) and we’ve been trying to get him back into school but he’s recently been feeling VERY depressed and doesn’t believe that he can ever play football again. Part of the reason he dropped out of school was because of our finances and partly because of a football injury back in 2019. He has little to no confidence in himself and talks about quitting football almost daily. He thinks that because of his injury and because of his time away from the field that he will never catch up. I KNOW that he can become a star football player because he is hardworking and absolutely lives for the game. But he has so little faith in his own abilities that convincing him to continue each day is a struggle. I have to bully him into going to the gym and he becomes disheartened after every bad workout. I don’t know what to do. I tried convincing him to talk to a therapist but he doesn’t trust them. I dare not try to mention football in a smaller capacity than the pro leagues. He has his heart set on going pro. I would feel differently if he wanted to quit because he didn’t like football, or if he just pulled back a bit or something. But for him its a lifestyle and a passion. I just want him to be happy. I would do anything for him as he would do anything and has done everything for me. What do I do??? I made him promise to try for two weeks before he officially quit. His plan is to just work full time and exist or whatever. Its not healthy. What the fuck do I do???? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 937,"Title: Possibly delaying my suicide till the middle of 2023 Text: I know this is dumb as hell but there’s unreleased games I would love to play before I die mostly Sonic Frontiers and Tears of the Kingdom (botw2) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 938,"Title: Enjoying sex after rape Text: I (25F) was raped nearly 3 years ago by a very close person. It wasn’t easy to find a way coping with all my feelings and everything that happened but for now I think I’m handling it at least ok. But: I do struggle with intimacy and sex a lot. My current boyfriend (we’re dating for the last 1.5 years) is enormously supportive and understanding. But I myself am not happy with my sex life. For me sex isn’t a fun thing to do but god I wish it would be. It’s not that I avoid it but I never initiate sex. I really would want it to be different. Any tips and/ or personal experiences? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 939,"Title: My sister asked to regularly check my scars Text: She says it’s just to make sure it’s healing properly. I have new cuts and I don’t know if she’ll react negatively to them despite knowing i didn’t quit. She asked but I know refusing completely is not an option so I said every two weeks is fine. My new cuts are styros. I said it wouldn’t get worse than cat scratches. I don’t know what to do. I said I could control it but I can’t anymore. I lied to her a few days ago saying I didn’t do it recently. I don’t know if I should tell her I lied and I’m going deeper or if I should try to lie my way out of this. She’s not a great sister but she’s doing better, despite that I don’t think she’s someone I can trust knowing what’s going on. It hurts more doing it on my thigh but I don’t know what to to anymore. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 940,"Title: I can't heal from my alexithymia/anhedonia/depression Text: I need help :( i don't know what else to do!!! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 941,"Title: Broken family Text: This is not for me, but for a very close friend. He used to live with his grandparents (his whole life) but went back to his mother's place far away. As stated by him, his mother doesn't care for him anymore and his stepdad doesn't like him. He doesn't get invited to their vacations and tours. We play very often and he told us that he doesn't know what he did to deserve this. He used to vape (he threw away his vape recently) and says that he regrets throwing it. He broke down and I don't know what to do or say. Any advice? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 942,"Title: Please don't mix alcohol with antidepressants! Text: If you're on antidepressants, please please please, do not drink. I know they tell you to not drink, and if you're anything like me, you'll keep drinking anyways. On Sunday, I overdid it. I drank more than I should have and I have never suffered this much with alcohol. I literally thought I was going to die. Mixing often makes you more incoherent, and it also makes you throw up so much more than usual. It's caused me to be increasingly suicidal yesterday. It had made me so unstable. Only today, Tuesday, do I feel any bit better. I still feel so sick, and I feel like I've bruised my ribs and chest from how much I have thrown up. So please, don't be as stupid as me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_past Question 943,"Title: 18 and having some kind of longterm existential crisis Text: When will I stop worrying about age so much? I'm like in a constant existential crisis and mild panic about the thought of me aging, and time passing, and me becoming older or BEING older, and that only spirals down into an intense fear of death and a feeling that nothing is real. I can't imagine aging, I can't imagine time being real, i can't even think about the concept of dying without panicking , i genuienly don't know how to process anything . I can't even like.. plan stuff out past a week cause it just doesn't feel like reality or it somehow makes me anxious. I can't imagine aging and d*ing, This feels horrible, I just want it to stop For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 944,"Title: do phycologists tell parents about sh? Text: i used to go to a phycologist about 7 months ago or something and she once asked me if i’ve ever sh-ed and i didn’t know anything about how stupid it is to answer truthfully and i said yes. she asked where and i said my upper thigh. in other sessions she never brought it up again and neither did i. but since i’m a minor, would she have told my parents? if she has, neither of my parents have ever asked me about it, so i’m just sort of confused. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 945,"Title: Time to go Text: I have the plan ready. I think I’ll do it at work to make a statement. Im supposed to be at work at the time I’m planning to do it anyway and it will be suspicious if I’m not there. I’m worried about my kids. My oldest has severe autism and my youngest is too young to remember me. I think they’ll feel like I rejected them when they’re older. Hopefully they’ll hate me and live a good life to spite me. Anyway, I just wanted a record of my last thoughts somewhere. In 30 hours it should be all said and done. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 946,"Title: mom being worried for me makes me feel guilty Text: for context: i go to school literally a 24 hour drive away from my home. i talked to my mom and dad about what happened when i was raped very vaguely. obviously, this would make any parent worried, but my parents' controlling behavior is really stressing me out. i get their perspective, but even when i am just doing work at a library on campus or am hanging with friends or even grabbing food, my mom always sends me texts saying stuff like ""i don't like it when you are out this late"" or ""make good decisions"". not only does this make me feel guilty for doing normal things like studying or spending time with friends, but it makes me feel like she is blaming me for the rape. like i was drunk sure, but that doesn't make me the problem. the problem is the guy who thought it was ok to take advantage of me. being sober will obviously help keep me out of situations such as what happened, so i agreed to quitting drinking. however, the texts and idk petty comments she makes are pissing me off. ALSO she keeps bringing up transferring, and i do not want to do that at all. ugh i do not want to resent my parents, but i am not looking forward to going home at all because of everything that is going on :( For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 947,"Title: The Irony of a Squeemish Cutter Text: A bit of a lighthearted post. I find it kind of funny that someone like me would be squeemish. Seeing injuries doesn't bother me mentally or anything, but my body has a visceral reaction to it. Just hearing someone talk about getting a papercut makes me squirm. My own cuts don't bother me, but anything on other other people is a nope from me. 🙈 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 948,"Title: Sexual harassment is happening at my job and idk what to do. Text: I have a male employee that’s 50 and flirting with the married and underaged employees. At first it was just hi and hello, then the shoulder touching. Everyone’s uncomfortable and my Gm manager won’t do anything. I’m a female shift leader and idk what to do. I have told and reported this to my gm and he won’t talk to him. A couple months ago I was getting in my car to leave and he slid right in between me and my car door so I couldn’t close it, asked me personal questions and I was frozen, fortunately I was taking another employee home and he didn’t do anything. Now I walk out of the store with my keys ready and park the opposite way he is. Idk what to do. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 949,"Title: I feel extremely uncomfortable with a male coworker. What should I do. Text: I have a male coworker who always try to hug me when he sees me at work, especially if there is other male coworkers around. I have been trying to avoid him but there is only so much I can do. There were also couple other incidents that just weird me out. One time he complemented on my shoes, I just simply said thank you but he proceeded and kneed down and touch my shoes. There is another time, I overheard he talk to other coworkers about me and said I have no a**. This guy is married with kids. All he did was very subtle things, I don’t think I have enough of a case to report to HR but I feel extremely uncomfortable around this person. Am I over reacting ? And what should I do? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 950,"Title: Life after rape is so hard. Text: Its been almost 4 months since 2 men I never saw before in my life came into our house and raped my mom and then me repeatedly in horrible gross ways. I still cry every night. I still wake up shaking in fear and crying. Is this what they wanted? Why me? Why us? Did they just want to ruin my life even though I didn't even know them and never did anything to them? Do they know how much pain and humiliation and fear they put in me for the rest of my life? WHY? 😢 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 951,"Title: What are “unwanted “ questions related to private life that come under the Verbal Sexual harassment? Text: Verbal sexual harassment may include unwanted intimate questions relating to one’s body, clothes, or private life, including “jokes” with a sexual innuendo, and proposals for sexual services or sexual relationships. https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/psychology/unwanted-sexual-attention For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 952,"Title: hi Text: i wanna talk to someone like just rant about random shit pls For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 953,"Title: I want a diagnosis Text: I'm hoping to find someone with similar experiences. I have been regularly seeing a therapist for almost a year now and have met with a psychiatrist every now and then and she prescribes me SSRIs. Today I had a very candid talk with my therapist and I expressed my feelings that honestly Im getting little help on deeper issues while the focus has shifted to small things in my daily life. I have been feeling depressed for years and although I was prescribed SSRIs I was never given a diagnosis nor a deeper look on some things that aren't textbook signs of depression and could be a result of something else. My therapist maintains the position that a diagnosis is not necessary and although I agree to some extent I just want someone to tell me what's wrong with me ... I'm tired of not knowing and I'm tired of feeling alone in this. I mean I'm trying to help my mental health and going to a therapist plus a psychiatrist if not them then who should tell me what's wrong. I realize this has turned more into venting but has anyone else felt like this ? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 954,"Title: Says he’s gonna change by I have lost hope and so confused Text: Idk what to do. Just the other day, I was about ready to leave. Now that I made it serious to him, he is acting like the day we first met. Very charming and nice. It seems like he really did change this time. He says he is gonna start therapy tomorrow. I am starting soon too. I just feel a bit bad that I have to hide the abuse from my therapist because he is afraid to lose his job if they report. So if I talk about other things, I don’t feel like it’s actually gonna solve the actual issue of physical abuse. It’s not fair to me. If he really does change, I don’t know if I will still encounter his rage fits. I can’t handle it much longer. It will just be sad if he changes after I’m gone. The other thing is that I fell in love with somebody else while all of this happened because my husband didn’t value me. I didn’t have any physical/intimate relationships with this person. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 955,"Title: I'm not sure what's wrong with me but I'm having a hard time at work and it affects me very negatively. Text: I guess my problem is that I rush into things all the time and I have a hard time sometimes. I work IT and I've been noted by my peers for being above average but also someone who rushes into things with the mentality to get things done, IE quantity over quality. I'm well liked and everything but, I've gotten in trouble for it a lot and I'm not sure what to do. It really bothers me because I feel like it shouldn't be like this and I don't even know where to begin. I know it's a problem and I need to solve it but I feel like it's something I forget very easily during the day and I wind up reflecting back on my day and realizing how bad it was and where I needed to slow down and focus. I can never remember it when I need it. I don't see anyone other than my GP and an Endocronolgist for my Diabetes. I have asked my doctor before and she said she'd want to talk to me about it befor making a referral. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 956,"Title: my protection order expires this weekend. Text: I have not been in direct contact with my sons dad, since he strangled me in April 2020. He still has supervised visits with our son, but we have not seen or spoken to each other in over 2.5 years. My PTSD has started to resurface. I have been very agitated and on edge this week, riddled with anxiety, wanting to cry. I'm very unsure of what's ahead now. Im Rewatching harry potter like I did the first month after the incident, trying to exercise and crochet, but I can't take my mind off it. I even binge ate today because I'm so stressed, and that made me feel worse. Any tips for how to handle this stress, or positive stories to put me at ease that coparenting is possible. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 957,"Title: My ADHD is unbearable. Text: I’m a high school student with ADHD. As long as I can remember I used to experience severe ADHD paralysis. When this happens I feel suddenly exhausted, anxious, depressed and unmotivated. Sometimes it lasts an hour, sometimes all day. When I was younger I was able to get by with good grades and a stress free life because you obviously don’t have many responsibilities when your 13. However now that I’m older I get ADHD paralysis way more often and the usual things I do to snap out of them no longer work. I exercise almost daily, I get good sleep and I have a very happy life all things considered. I never entertained the option of medication because I hated the idea of depending on a pill to function properly. But now I’m worrying about the future. If I’m struggling now in high school, what happens when I move out? Have my responsibilities more than doubled? I’m scared that I won’t be able to live in the real world. And and the real world is coming at me quick. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 958,"Title: For what it's worth, I just want you to know, you're all hero's. You are all diamonds. Text: You may already know that October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. You have come so far. Take care of yourself. You are number one. Love yourself. I pray that one day your are happy, and take a chance that love exists. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 959,"Title: I just realised I have a problem Text: I started actively 2 years ago at the time I didn't have anything to do it with I was at school so I just grabbed a stick and started scratching at the back of my hand Intill it bled abit it wasn't much blood but someone still saw me and they seemed really unsettled by it which is fair but now it's gotten to the point where I do it to myself pretty much every day in not sure what it is it's just I can't not and it makes the people that know around me sad and I feel its selfish of me to keep doing it but i can't stop and at one point my friend who is always so nice to every one saw my arm and I felt so bad for them they shouldnt of had to see that I don't feel I can keep doing this to the people around me sometimes I just feel it would be better if I was gone but I know how much that would hurt the people around me so I can't. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 960,"Title: midnight thoughts Text: Sometimes, I suspect my feelings. I think they conspire to deceive me my entire life. I cannot fathom their audacity to come when it's easy and suddenly go just like that. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 961,"Title: Competitive Text: Why is self harm so competitive? Like I’ve struggled with it for just over 6 years and my partner has been great with helping me when I relapse, however one of our friends has been talking to them about self harming and sent pictures (consensually because my partner wanted to make sure they didn’t need medical attention) and now I’m feeling super competitive about it and feel like I need to do it worse. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 962,"Title: Doctor wants to meet with me for a safety appointment. What does this mean Text: Basically I spilled the tea on my life and told her I was struggling when I was at the doctor for something else and now she wants to meet with me for a safety appointment and I’m j really scared I’ve never heard that before I made a dark humor joke and shes knows that I cut now and struggle with an eating disorder For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 963,"Title: What do I say? Text: I started a job at a family owned business that has no HR and mostly hires underage girls *I myself am 22f*. My third day was yesterday and my trainer is 26m also the owners son. He’s been very nice my first two days joke-y and could come off as kind of flirty but nothing straightforward until yesterday. He started asking me about my exes and why we didn’t work out then proceeded to ask me about my sex life and how he thought I was in the bedroom and stated he was happy my ex did what he did to me because now he gets to see me everyday. I met another co worker yesterday who is 17f and she thought I was 16/17 as well so I had brought that up while we were closing and his response was “see I thought the same thing and it’s why I feel weird that I find you so attractive.” They do not clean to standard (really at all) and I’ve tried to tell them but not really sure how to tell them the place is disgusting in the 3 days I’ve been there. So today I decided to tell the owner I’d no longer like to continue my trial week and explained why. he has yet to get back to me but his son got my number and texted me apologizing and asking me to reconsider because his dad can not schedule us together anymore but I think it was inappropriate to message me in the first place and my boss letting him take care of it instead. I’m not sure how to respond and I could use some help! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 964,"Title: People with a supportive family don't realize how fucking privileged they are. Text: My parents think my depression is a joke. My mom thinks it's because I dON'T WORk HArD EnoUgH. Wow, thanks mom. Luckily you're not the only one who thinks I'm a fucking failure. Last week, my father called me lazy because I didn't go to college. I told him college is not for me. Then he has the fucking audacity to say ""You doN't waNt To WORk aT MCDONald's For THe reSt Of yOUr LfFe dO YoU?"" I got so fucking pissed off. I was yelling at him trying to explaining why college isn't for me. And the last thing he says to me is ""I'm very disappointed in you Danny."" Go fuck yourself dad. The other day my mom invited her friend over. They were sitting in the kitchen drinking wine, nothing unusual. I'm on the stairs eavesdropping as I hear my mom's friend mentioning her daughter's plans for college. She's gotten scholarships, applied to many different schools, scored pretty well on the SAT, and wants to major in Nursing. And my mom's response? ""I wish my son could be like that."" I want to fucking run away. I hate my fucking parents. I can't believe there are people out there with actual supportive parents. If you've got supportive parents and you love them, and you can talk to them about anything, you don't realize how insanely privileged you are. I'd give up an arm and leg to have your parents. Instead, I had to be born to a shitty Korean American family that doesn't give a flying fuck about anything except for school. I'd rather fucking die than live with my shitty family any longer. ​ EDIT: Holy shit this blew up. Wasn't expecting to get a ton of responses on this. I was in a shitty mood when I posted this. Still not feeling happy. But I'm feeling a little better now. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 965,"Title: Why would a husband rape his wife Text: Years ago, I got a call from my mom, and she told me she'd discovered her husband had been date -raping her for years. It's been quite a few years since this unfolded, and I wanted to know if anyone knew why people do this. I like to figure out why people do things, and this really stumped me. She said they had an active, a few times a week, sex life. I realize it would just be theories, but could someone tell me the possible reasons? They've been together for 30 years, non-stop. Wouldn't it makes more sense to rape a wife who did not permit any sex from her husband, or someone else altogether? I just don't understand it. My gut reaction was that he may have a thing about videotaping it, but I just can't understand the possible fetishes, I guess. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 966,"Title: how to open up to therapist? Text: i am currently seeing a therapist for other issues but have never brought my rape up to her (which was nearly a year ago). next week i have a counselling session with someone else which i booked in the hope of discussing it to help me heal. i get terrible nightmares regularly and extremely triggered when something comes up that reminds me of him. it’s beginning to heavily impact on my life and i hate that people have to help calm me down after the dreams. so i’m going to get professional help. but how do i bring up the topic? how do i open up? how much detail do i go into? very few people in my life know so i’m not sure how to talk about it For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 967,"Title: I don't get why I'm sad Text: Everything in life has been great so far. Work is great. My friends are great. But I feel so empty? I'm not feeling anything too intense, there's just a very dull sadness lurking about. I feel like cutting myself just to feel something more but I won't because I'm too tired to deal with any messes. I've just been scratching my thighs but I want to feel more. I want to feel something and understand why I'm feeling that way. Like oh I feel pain? It's because I cut myself. But right now, I'm just feeling a dull sadness and I don't get why. It's so frustrating. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 968,"Title: I was raped at 16 and it changed my life Text: So, today I’m going to be talking about my rape story. This is a really hard subject for me to talk about. But I just feel like I have to get it off of my chest. I have to tell someone, so here I am. So, about a year ago I got an instagram dm. The guy that dm’d me called me cute and was flirting with me. We talked for about 8 months. And we didn’t meet up until he asked me to like four months after he Dm’d me. I trusted him so I agreed. He told me to meet him at his place. When we would meet we usually smoked. Then four months later he asked me to meet him. It was ten at night so I had to sneak out. I arrived at his house and when in. I didn’t feel right at all, I think part of the reason is because there wasn’t any weed on the table. I even asked him why there wasn’t any weed, he told me that it was in his pocket. I was stupid enough to believe him. And the next thing I know he was taking my pants off and I was fighting him off. He...you know. He didn’t even use a condom. I tried to fight him off but he was to strong. He did this to me for hours to the point where I can’t remember what happened next. The only thing I remember is me running out of the house naked. And then I woke up in the hospital. And then three weeks later I find out I’m pregnant. I gave birth to twins too early and one of them didn’t make it. Everleigh was in the hospital for less than a week before passing. Evelynn had to stay in the hospital for three months. But is healthy and happy now. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 969,"Title: A will to live Text: Dear LA, ​ I know it's impossible for you to see this message. But I realize how much negative energy I have in me that I was reflecting to people around me, including you. And I know you also need healing. But I cherish the love and time with you so much. Thank you for loving me even just a little bit. Thank you for being kind even when you're still hurting inside. I appreciate you deeply, deeply in my heart. ​ I want to run to you and scream to the world how much I love you. I truly do. And while I am here by myself. I know it's going to be so dark and lonely. But I will wait. I will improve myself for the better, for the more positive. ​ So when there's an opportunity again, I will not let you go this time. And please don't let me go. Please love me truly with a whole of your heart. Because I will without hesitation, love you the same. I need clarity in my mind. I am improving bit by bit everyday. There will be day when I am down and sad. But I will focus well on myself. ​ Yea, you may not be the guy who seems to love me the most. But you taught me more than anything I ever had. And yea, my past relationships were cut short, up and down in private, etc. But I appreciate every of it. It shapes me into who I am. I am thrived to be better. I want to be better. From the inside of my heart to you... So please, wait for me :( ​ ​ ​ Wait for me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 970,"Title: Left my fiancé. Text: I don’t want to completely get into the story, but I’m gone and safe with my parents. At this point I’m starting from scratch with my life and I’m scared, but glad I’m no longer someone’s punching bag. I just need good vibes that I’ll be okay.. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 971,"Title: The Sequel Was Better Text: Hi. My name is Bob and this is my second post on here. A few days ago I made my first post not knowing what to expect. A few people commented with nice advice and I appreciated it, you are a fine group seeking to help others. I actually found myself staying up late commenting on others posts who had no comments in an effort to help them not feel as lonely. It was an interesting experience opening up to strangers, something I hadn't done in a long time. I have more clarity now of what I was seeking. The advice was nice of course, most of it is things I already knew. I imagine a lot of you already know what you could do to help yourselves. It's actually doing it that you struggle with because you still have no one. No one that cares, no one to talk to you that day, no one to check on your mental health. Isn't that what brought us here? I am here because I wanted to talk with new people. People outside my own life who could relate to me. I am drinking tonight, if you would like to talk, I think I'll be up for a little while. No subject is taboo with me. Thanks for reading. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 972,"Title: taking my SN @ 3:00pm MT time Text: i not impulse it, i've prepared for it a long time it's time to end this pain For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 973,"Title: What helps depression more exercising, or music or exercising and listening to music at the same time? Text: I love music but I hate exercising although I have forced myself to start exercising because I want to be healthier. I don't go to the gym because we have a home gym. Is it wrong to want a revenge body? I have been using our weight bench we have and I am going to force myself to do it almost everyday except on weekends that's my time of rest. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 974,"Title: Going back to school soon😥 Text: (Edit: sorry, not soon. Next school year. But it’s still pretty worrying for me) I’ve been biting my hands to relieve stress and get through some tough emotions, but what about when I stop doing homeschool next year?😥 Biting my hands has become a near constant dependency for me, but what’ll I do when school starts?? I can’t just keep biting myself, or they’ll tell my mom. If I stop for that long I’ll probably bite harder and maybe even expand my self-harm to things like cutting. I’ve already been really tempted, but what if I can’t bite or punch myself anymore? Getting pretty worried about what I should, and/or will do in that situation next year. Any advice? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 975,"Title: i feel suicidal when everything is fine Text: for background, im 14M, and have had to do home school because of bullying + my autism/sensory issues. since doing home school everything seems like it should be better but it’s not. i literally cry for hours for dumb reasons or no reason at all. i’ve tried all sorts of medications but nothing works just seeing the word “suicide” can send me spiraling. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 976,"Title: any way I can prevent or lessen the pain when I bend my wrist? Text: I have fresh cuts and whenever I bend my wrist they hurt (I think its cuz the skin is trying to open back up but the scabs are keeping it closed) and it hurts but I don't have any neosporin, does anyone have any other way I can help it? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 977,"Title: I wish it would have been worse Text: i kind of wish my assault had been worse. i was so drunk that i kept blacking out and stuff. i wasn’t really capable of moving, talking or just comprehending what happened to me. i didn’t fight him off or said no so i feel like it’s not right of me to really call it rape. i just feel like a fraud. so in a weird way i wish it’d been worse. like that i had to fight him off or that i’d been physically hurt because maybe then i wouldn’t feel so ashamed. i know that’s a terrible thing to feel and that i’m lucky nothing worse happened. but idk i just feel so much shame. like when i tell some people that i was raped they automatically assume that i was like pushed down and threatened or something like that but that’s not what happened so it all just feels wrong and weird. idk if this makes any sense, sorry For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 978,"Title: Using social media after fleeing an abusive relationship Text: One piece of advice that I see over and over is to tell someone who has left an abusive relationship to delete or close all of their social media accounts. The rationale is that social media could be used to track a person by creating a fake account and befriending them, looking at their posts or location information, or looking at the pictures that they post for Clues to their location. On the other hand, I've heard survivors say that they found social media to be valuable because it connects them to their support systems or groups. For survivors, what is the impact of asking you to get rid of social media? Would you feel safer without it or is there more benefit to keeping it? Edit to provide context: I work with a nonprofit organization that provides security, technology, and safety help to survivors. I'm asking because I think it's important to understand the impact that any advice may have on the people it affects For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 979,"Title: I wouldn't commit suicide but if I had an option to suddenly stop existing I would choose it Text: Does anyone else feel this way? This has been crossing my mind a lot lately EDIT: I just want to thank everyone for the thoughtful, kind comments I've been recieving. It's been a nice change and I really appreciate it. You guys are the best. :) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 980,"Title: I’m not sure if I should report this to the owner Text: I (23f) started working in a small restaurant a month ago and on my second day of work, the head cook (≈mid 40m) kept saying that I was cute, had a good aura. A different day I was getting off a shift and put my Fanny pack on that’s furry, and he said “hey you have a furry Fanny”. I just ignored the comment & wished him a good day. The next time I worked with him he was so cold & rudely indifferent to me when the other times he was constantly talking to me and being nice. Few days later we’re working the place alone and he’s asking me if I want to go out drinking with him after work and to make it easier on my own work day I drag it out and say maybe until the end of the day when I say no because I work again the next morning. I finally quit after only 4 weeks because his advances and attitude just made me uncomfortable but since I never just straight up told him to stop, I don’t think there’s anything I can report to the owner. My family and other coworkers from that restaurant all want me to report it though. I’m not sure what I would even say to the owner because I don’t want to make it a big deal. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 981,"Title: I opened up to my ex about my rape and PTSD. He made me feel safe enough to have sex and then he ghosted me. Text: Throw away account. TLDR; opened up to my ex about my rape and PTSD. He made me feel safe enough to have sex and then he ghosted me. I feel very triggered even though he hasn’t done anything wrong really. 2 years ago I was assaulted, I have had good support from relevant health care providers. I recently reconnected with my ex of 3 years (broken up 4-5 years). We talked about him coming over to stay and I knew he may have sex on his mind. I opened up to him and told him everything, I told him sex was difficult for me, and that I didn’t enjoy it anymore, it even took me a very long time afterwards to even feel comfortable touching myself. He was very sweet and understanding and he seemed quite angry this had happened to me. He came over and we ended up having consensual sex, I haven’t really heard from him since, I treated out to him feeling very upset and confused, so much so I sent him a voice note of me sobbing and apologising for him ghosting me (? I don’t why, how embarrassing, clearly not in my right mind.) He got back to me and told me that it’s drama he doesn’t want to deal with which is understandable really. However, I feel extremely triggered, used, hurt and dirty over this whole thing. I don’t know how to process it and feel okay with it, I’m so hurt. He didn’t do anything wrong as, unfortunately, “fuck and chuck” culture is very accepted and it’s my fault for partaking in something I didn’t feel ready for but I don’t know what to do. I’m at a loss and extremely depressed, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to have a normal relationship/sex life again. Any advice is welcomed. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 982,"Title: I dont know if I was sexually harassed Text: I'm pulling out this old furry alt account for some advice- Today during school, I (17M, autistic) was minding my own business at my desk while my teacher was out of the classroom, then some kid (?M) asks me what's in my laptop bag, when I look up he puts his finger under my chin, makes me look at him, and blows a kiss at me and then walks away laughing, I was shocked and just said ""don't touch me"" after a few seconds. When my teacher came in I asked him to talk with me outside the class, after I explained it to him he talked to the kid for TEN SECONDS and then told me it wouldn't happen again, I felt on edge for the whole class, now i'm just left here wondering if this is sexual harassment or not. I brought this up with my mom and she didn't seem concerned at all, just that it was weird. Sorry if im wasting anyone's time, today was a bit rough in general and i cant think straight For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 983,"Title: boyfriend becoming hostile after losing job. !!!URGENT!!! Text: hello. around 5 months ago I made [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/t56gpy/bf_recently_lost_job_we_are_expecting_hard_times/) post. since then he has been getting more agitated. we had to move out of our old apartment because he was trying to fight with the landlord. and it really has just progressed since then. we have had to move places around 4 times in the last 5 months. due to trying to find work and also fighting with the other tenants. and the little money we have been able to scrounge up with lyft, uber and anything else you can think of he has spent on booze. he has started throwing bottles at me and threatening violence. this is where the urgent part comes in. I need any help. i already tried calling the cops multiple times. they didn't do anything since I had no bruises. i need to get away from him ASAP. im worried he may harm me or even kill me tonight. is there anyone i can call to help? i really need a place to stay where he cant track me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 984,"Title: A family members husband was found not guilty of attempted murder. He's out very soon. Text: I don't want to give away too many details as this is in the news and I'd like to remain anonymous but I'm unsure what to do. A family member of mine who's also responsible for 4 children has been in an abusive marriage for over 10 years. She had the courage to file for divorce which lead to a brutal attack. This resulted in an legal order being placed against him similar to a restraining order. He responded to this by breaking into her home and beating her to a pulp, strangling and stabbing her in the neck several times, The attack was interrupted by the police who charged him with attempted murder. He was found not guilty somehow by a jury which means he's back out in a matter of days. Seems my family member has one of 2 certainties... She's either going to be brutally murderered... Or spend of her life fearing murder. Police are offering very little help... They will flag the address and give her a panic alarm but other than that... There's very little to stop him striking again... And we all believe this is likely... How do we help keep her alive? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 985,"Title: like a toy. Text: For years it's felt like I've been nothing but a jester, a toy, an accessory for entertainment. Getting thrown to the curb when life catches up with me. I'm angry and sad. My emotions are extreme, i feel like a danger to myself, i know i am. I want to and will hurt myself. Sometimes i wish i could scream these thoughts to the sky until my throat bleeds and my lungs collapse. Honesty and lying has both led me astray and now i have a character to keep pretending to be. I have to act like i can take it on the chin, like there isn't fear and misery behind my eyes. You and me both know that you can smile through the pain, you do it for those you love and care about. But i feel that they'd be better off without me, my fake smile is deceiving, I'm a liar. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 986,"Title: I feel incapable of love. Text: I went to a dance for my highschool today. Someone was there with me but I ignored them. Someone I used to know really well came up and said I looked lonely, and I could hang out with them if I needed. All I could think about was the fact that all these people around me were bound together in a way I would never understand. I have failed at platonic love. I’m not aromantic, and I know that there are people who love me, but I feel as though I’m incapable of loving someone. I love them, and I know that they feel the same thing, but I just can’t express it like these people can. I’ve never danced, I have never given a kiss. I’ve always just pushed people away until they leave me alone, until I can just feel lonely again, instead of confused. I was so lonely, even though I was surrounded by people. It reminded me of a hike I used to take quite often, which burned down because some idiot through ashes over his fence. I hiked over after it burned and just saw ash and the remains of trees, for miles. I felt like I was standing alone, on an infinite plain of things that were already gone, opportunities I’d already lost and things I’d already failed. People keep trying to help me, but I just push them away. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 987,"Title: Coping after a friend sexually harassed me Text: This happened a while ago. I don’t want to go into too many details but he’s apart of my friends group. Dave is my best friend and his room mate is the perpetrator whom I’ve known for less. He says he’s sorry and Dave hopes that one day I might forgive his roommate. Dave is hopeful and I don’t blame him for anything because he was just as disturbed as I was. Dave knows the perpetrator is wrong.. but I don’t think I can forgive someone for taking advantage of touching me while drunk. Problem is I don’t want to be around him at all and I’ll be missing out on group friend events. I’ll be as close to my best friends as possible. It’s just unfair he’s done this and now to avoid him I can’t do certain activities with them. I’m sure they’ll try to work around it. I can have my friends come to my place instead. Plus my fiancé might kill the perpetrator if he sees him one day and I don’t want him to get hurt or go to jail. It’s hard coping and trying not to feel guilty. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 988,"Title: How do i make my girlfriend understand that her rape by her ex was not her fault Text: She first told me about it a month or two back (i already knew she had been raped, but didn't know who it was, when it happended ect). when she first told me, that it happened in december of last year when she was sleeping at his place, she seemed to be aware that its completely his fault and that she couldn't have prevented it either way; and being really pissed off about it and rightfully hating the guy (what prompted her to vent was him sending her a message saying shit like 'im so sorry' and 'im not like that'). Today, after some time has passed, we talked about it again and she started to blame herself and saying that it was her fault because she didn't 'see the red flags' and 'could have avoided the situation' and 'could have fought him back harder' and just looking for reasons to take the fault off that piece of shit and putting it on herself. she even said the understands his standpoint and that he 'had to wait so long for sex' wich is just absolutely wrong and sickening. im trying to make her understand that it's the purpetrators fault since after all he is the one that made the descision to cross her boundarys to get himself off, with a total disregard for the feelings and boundarys of her and that she couldn't have possibly seen it coming and idk what im even writing here man this whole thing fucking sucks and i want the guy to die in a fire. hes obviously still manipulating her to believe its her fault and its fucking working. she said it was 40 percent her own fault but i want her to know that its 100 percent his. any advice would be appreciated and sorry for the shit writing edit: i might wanna mention that she has borderline personality disorder, wich makes it especially easy to manipulate her into blaming herself for literally anything For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 989,"Title: I wish all humans went extinct Text: Everyone ruined my life, except for a very small select group of people who are actually good human beings. I want the people who do good in this world to live happy lives. Thank you to the people who treat me well, and others well. You are the 1% that is preventing me from ending it all. Everyone else is ruining me. You guys treat me like shit. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 990,"Title: Ever feel meeting people online is like a cycle of addiction? Text: There are times when I think I can do it all, just stay lonely and eat through my time with internet or video games. Then my doubts and fears settle in my mind and a craving for a friend, a kind voice to come back into my life. I try to resist but I just don't know what to do or trust. I hop back onto the internet and look around, usually stumbling into someone in different ways. I'll really think I hit it up with someone, I try to trust them and believe it won't be like every time else. The craze seems to lessen as I feel secure. Then, my anxiety kicks in and I fear every moment might scare someone off. It seems to go well at first but once time goes on and I finally begin opening up, I come back to stare at a blank screen mirroring my own soul. I'll try to deny it, clinging onto any possibility as the realization of being pushed aside or ghosted kicks in. Once it happens, my eyes open and my heart throbs with the same pain. ""It won't happen again, this needs to stop"". Sound familiar? I know exactly what to do, where not to go and who to try and meet... but that itching little temptation isn't interested in my well being. Our desperate hearts yearn for something long forsaken, but will anything ever work? The person on the other end may just walk away carefree, but it's amazing what a few clicks or messages, or a sudden lack of them can do to a person long awaiting that helping hand. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 991,"Title: I don't know what is wrong with me Text: i feel like life is a vast desert that I'm lost in and idk what to look for A couple years ago a really good friend of mine died and since then i haven't been able to truly feel anything emotionally even if i laughed or smiled it didn't feel real and it also affected my love life to the point where i don't feel love or attachment to anyone anymore and i don't feel the sadness of losing anything i just feel like a husk or a shell of my former self and I can't even find enjoyment in anything anymore i have no dreams or goals or ambitions and no matter how much I want to change that i can't and i guess the only thing i do want is an answer so i could know what the hell is actually wrong with me For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 992,"Title: Harassment on Campus Text: I (F 19)currently am a college student and I have been sexually harassed multiple times. Guys will force themselves onto me despite me telling them to back off, and I have been followed by some of them. Police don’t really help much cause by the time I get to them, the guys will run away. It has gotten to the point where I don’t feel safe going outside my apartment alone. I try to walk with friends but sometimes that isn’t an option. I do carry a knife for protection and I do go to therapy. (For me this takes an emotional toll since I have been raped before and it makes me panic a bit). I just want to know if anyone has gone through anything like this cause I feel like I’m the only one. And what are some other things I could do to be “safer”? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","sexualharassment_ongoing, rape_past" Question 993,"Title: Is it worth living just because family and friends would be sad? Text: I mean, that’s all you hear when you tell someone that you have suicidal thoughts. „Think about how sad your friends and family would be!“ But what about my suffering? My sadness? It won’t stop. The world wouldn’t stop moving if I’d do it. After some time people move on. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 994,"Title: It’s pissing me off that I can’t have a conversation with anyone about suicide without them thinking I’m going to immediately kill myself. Text: Like come on, guys. Everyone needs to chill out. I just want to talk about how I want to die without everyone freaking the fuck out. Instead, I have to bury those feelings deep inside so I’m not hospitalized or some stupid shit. The public opinion on mental health is absolutely fucked and it’s making me genuinely angry right now. Anyway, the holidays are brutal. Hope you guys are holding up okay. Thinking of all of you. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 995,"Title: DOES ANYONE ELSEEEE get this random burst of extreme happiness after being sad and suicidal for weeks and then feel like you've been faking being sad Text: it literally lasts like not even half an hour and im sad again, i don't know why it happens. but it makes me feel like ive just made up being sad loool For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 996,"Title: I was home alone the entire day today, so ofc y'all know what that means..... Text: I cried. I cried almost the entire 7 hours I had the house to myself. I cried without having to hide anything and wherever I felt like. I cried while playing my favourite music loud on my tv. I cried in the balcony, wow that felt good, especially the breeze hitting my face when I stood there nd sobbed. This was nice. My life's an absolute dumpster fire rn nd I'm a fuckin loser, always have been, who's still stuck at his toxic parents' place. No aspect of my life is right rn, be it mentally, emotionally, physically, financially etc etc u name it. True rock bottom. I needed this. I needed these 7 hours of crying nd just sitting nd staring at the blank wall with no need of closing the doors or fearing that someone might catch me. I'm glad I got this. I'll probably not cry myself to sleep today after many many days. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 997,"Title: I Am a 26 yr old female with a 21 year old male who has just gave me an std and now yelling and fussing at me when he admitted he gave it to me and kicking me out… I need any type of advice Text: so he has been acting different since a few days ago since I asked him to get tested and yesterday We finally went and today the results came back positive that he gave me an std…. Gonorrhea!!!!!! I started crying and then he sends me messages yelling and fussing at me when I’m only responding to his questions and what he is saying to me…. Making me look bad when he admitted to unintentionally giving me this std…. Now he is telling me to pack my stuff and I got to go… like I’m the one who gave it to him………. I have no job, no car, no money and nowhere to go right now. I was just in the process of driving classes so I can get my license and get a job For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 998,"Title: I need to get an idea of what is happening. Text: I don't know if this is the right place or not. But I really need some help trying to understand. For starters the person I am going to talk about refuses to see a therapist or to go on meds, for many reasons a few which are valid and a few which to me are not. This person has above average intelligence or they use to. This person is male and 46. They have always struggled making friends and keeping friends but are desperate for friends. It is a major blow to this person that they don't have friends. As much as this person does good deeds I feel there is a lack of understanding when others have issues, or that they do good deeds to feel they have done good deeds and that makes them a good person. When I see them interact in public I get very anxious and sometimes embarrassed. Someone might ask about their mother and it ends up with fifteen minutes of complaints about how their dad was never around as a kid (as an example). But what I see is almost every action pushes people away instead of closer which is what they want. It has literally destroyed their self esteem that they don't have friends and that most people ""are users"". This person has difficulties with almost every other person they are around for any decent amount of time. They say they constantly feel like everyone else misunderstands them and that it is everyone else, and it always has been everyone else. This worries me because it is now making it difficult for this person to see doctors and other professionals. They say they are feeling judged by the doctors, the last two doctors this person has been too have been uncomfortable with this person. They said this person seemed angry and I would not doubt it comes across that way as long lists of complaints and agitation/anxiety would be present. I have tried to help this person as they seem completely unaware of what people see when they interact with them. I am literally one of the only people who still deal with this person. If I say anything that is even slightly like they are doing something wrong it is a disaster. I have tried every way I can think of. Problem is I feel like this is self sabotage and is only hurting them more and more. I know there is anxiety and I feel there is depression as well. But the complaining, seems endless. I don't know how to deal with that, the negativity is also pretty bad. Any talk of any mental issue is taken as a massive insult even though this person knows they have anxiety and ""depression"" though they don't admit to clinical depression, only depression because everything is terrible. I am pretty much the only person who has stayed around long term. Does anyone please have any ideas of what this might be? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 999,"Title: I feel broken, Like my problems are to messy and that I'm just not a good person. I don't know if someone will ever want to be friends with me Text: I'm struggling a lot lately, I struggle to know if I'm doing the right thing in so many areas of my life. I'm struggling to figure out what I believe about being a christian and if I should continue or not. I struggle in just about every aspect of my life. I'm really tired, really lonely, and I really wish I had a friend to talk to who understood. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1000,"Title: I fell for a stupidly obvious scam. Now im out a job, out thousands of dollars I don't have, and I just want to fucking die. Text: Basically, i got a job offer, quit my current job, and the job offer turned out to be a scam and they scammed me for nearly 3,000 I never had. That's all the details i want to share. I hate myself. I fucking hate myself for being so fucking idiotic as to fall for it. I hate myself for quitting my job. Everything I fucking do ruins my life. I'm just a fucking failure. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1001,"Title: two years since my parents discovered my self harm Text: Today marks the second year since my mom saw the marks on my forearms due to my own negligence. I guess if that hadn't happened, they both would've found out some other way, no matter what. It couldn't have been prevented. Things have gotten much better ever since I pushed through those first six months after they found out. Not everything got better, of course, but I don't have that big layer of stress in my life anymore. The constant fear of, ""what if they see?"" But I'm starting to lose hope. Even though so many things have gotten better, I'm more depressed than I've ever been. I still relapse in places they can't see. I still desperately want to hurt myself and sometimes even end my own life. Therapy isn't really helping anymore. I think I'll be this miserable for the rest of my life. I want to stop having urges to self harm. I want to stop acting on them. But I also never want to get better. I feel like maybe I deserve to be this way. I feel as though I'm trapped in an endless cycle. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 1002,"Title: He asked me Text: Why I didn’t come over. The day after he hit me with a mop in my back as he was telling me to leave and I was walking out. Then told me it was because I was with another man then immediately after told me well I’m moving on too. I never said I was with someone or anything. I wasn’t. Today I saw him and he told me he felt like pushing me very hard. I feel like it’s all my fault that he feels this way. Since he got out of prison I just wanted him to talk to me and be adult about things but he didn’t want to talk civilly but I just became hurt over everything and then he blames me. I feel sad. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1003,"Title: I've never cut before, but I feel I'm dangerously close to starting. Text: I (19) have never cut myself. Ever. I'm not really sure why, it's always been a form of sh I'm aware of. Anyways, even if I thought maybe I wanted to I could talk myself out of it within a few minutes. But not this time. It's been 3 days. I've yet to actually do it but I keep thinking about it. How I'll do it, if that's the right way, the after care that I'll need to do, how I'll hide it, how pretty my scars will look. I know that's a terrible thought, that the scars are attractive and I should want them. I don't want to think it. But I get a little closer to doing it everyday this goes on. It's bad and I know I shouldn't do it, but I can't make the thoughts go away. I don't know what to do. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1004,"Title: Making effort with people mentally drains me Text: I’ve [24/f] always been terrible at responding to texts, answering phone calls, joining FaceTime group sessions, and being outgoing. I don’t know if it’s some deep rooted fear of rejection or what. I remember when I was younger, I was so so scared of going to peoples doors to ask if they wanted to come out and play, and the one time I mustered up all my mental strength to do it, the mum told me that my friend didn’t want to come outside to play. It sounds like a small thing, but I remember how badly that set me back. Now, I’m 24 years old and struggle tremendously with making effort with friends. Sometimes I doubt if my connections with friends is even real, because I act different with all of them. I adapt, and have done for years, and it’s tiring. I’m just at a stage in my life where I want to address what’s going on with me, and try to better myself. My flat mate has just messaged me asking if I want to renew our house contract for next year (which I don’t) and as a result I’ve been suffering from crippling stomach knots all morning and have been running on and off to the toilet. I don’t know if any of this makes sense at all? Or if my point is even clear? I just want to know if anyone else experiences this. It would really help to know I’m not alone. What have people done to overcome this? EDIT: thank you everyone so much. I closed this app for weeks and didn’t expect to open it to such a wonderful response. You’re all such a comfort for me, thank you for sharing your experiences For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1005,"Title: I've reached beans for the first time and I'm scared. Text: I've been self harming in for years but quit as soon as too much grape juice poured out. I relapsed recently though. Before I was too cowardice to cut deep but today was different. I did it on a scar and kept on doing it. Suddenly it slit open wide and I am terrified. So much was pouring out I didnt even know what to feel. I did it too far down so what if others see it? What if I keep doing this as a habit again?! I'm scared and i want to stop but it's so addicting! I know it's not healthy but I'm trying my best. I'm scared. I don't know For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1006,"Title: I don’t know anymore Text: I cant see any point anymore. I cant even type out what’s causing me to feel this way there’s so much but i have so little energy. I’m just so tired of trying For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1007,"Title: My rabbit Dank I think saved my life a few times from my ex boyfriend Text: Halloween 2019 my ex tried to kill me in his home, that’s a story all on its own, but he was abusive for about a year leading up to it. When he would come to my house and yell, my bunny Dank would come running out from wherever she was and honk and him and corner him and bite him. She passed in July from pneumonia in my arms. She was a crazy bunny, she destroyed my condo I mean holes in the carpet down to the damn cement, baseboards chewed, chords, shoes, clothes, rugs, towels, bags, couches, bed, everything she fucked up. She was a pain in the ass and she loved attention from me but sometimes she’d randomly bite me, I don’t know she was weird. I had her for two years, I got her at a flea market when I was super stoned and I didn’t have any intention of getting a rabbit or even know how to care for one. She was the only bunny there and she just looked at me from like 20 feet away and I just knew I had to have her. I learned how to care for her really really well don’t worry, the cage was gone within a week. Anyways, my ex boyfriend used to yell at me and I’d get scared because he’d get so mad and start to get in my face and then my little life saver bunny comes running out honking and would always go to attack him every time he yelled, she was only 4.1lbs but she was so protective of me. He’d get scared because her bites do hurt and she had no fear of him, even his 96lbs Rottweiler was terrified of her. No one fucked with her, I never worried about anyone breaking in because I knew she’d go after them. I really do think she saved my life when she did that. It could have ended differently instead of her attacking him and him begging me to get her away. I still cry about Dank passing every day, she loved the hell out of me. She never hesitated to put herself in danger for me. I feel like the luckiest person in the world to have been her friend For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1008,"Title: Just getting weirder Text: So I been sexually harassed by a coworker for weeks now. I was happy because he seemed to back off last week. But yesterday he keep walking around my work area again. (Not his work area.) he also is looking at me a lot again. When I want over to see my coworker about something he keep telling me he “had good genes/DNA” and “Viking blood.” He also keep lifting he legs up and down and told me how much weight he lose and doing a weird balancing act on his feet. I’m happy for him but I didn’t ask for this information or know him that well. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 1009,"Title: i never thought my sh was like actual sh Text: ever since i started sh i always reassured myself that i wasnt like other people who sh and that i could just stop whenever i wanted and it wouldnt be a problem to me. around when i first started, there would be weeks and sometimes months in between when i would sh and that only comforted me into thinking that i wasnt addicted since many people said sh was an addiction. now i cant go 2 weeks without sh and i would have urges so often and my skin would crawl with imaginary bugs and im trying so hard not to get my blade out yet i still try to believe that i can go a month without sh again, i can stop whenever i want to and it is not an addiction i am suffering from. maybe im just in denial idk. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1010,"Title: Retail workplace harassment Text: I’m 20 years old and work part-time in retail as a sales assistant and my female colleague who is also 20 is overly forward with me at work (ie. dancing really close to me, coming close to embrace/ hug me but then says “nah fuck that” and saying suggestive stuff all the time). She’s also made gestures over social media such as deleting my follow request on Instagram or following me just to unfollow a week later. It would be more believable if this girl were in any sort of position to be messing with a guy’s head as she isn’t very attractive😬 (feel bad saying it). This girl doesn’t study in college and works full-time under an official contract whereas I’m not, so I’m pretty sure that I wouldn’t be really able to contact HR about this. In this case is there anything that could be said or done in my scenario? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 1011,"Title: If you had friends and/or a significant other to do things with, what would you do this weekend? Text: Me, I would do one of those escape rooms. They look like they would be really fun. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1012,"Title: why is the law so behind on male rape? Text: As a trans woman bio male who was raped, I really want an answer. I think of a few reasons why, but I still want to hear your opinion For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1013,"Title: Should I tell my partner I have suicidal thoughts? Text: My partner and I are basically best friends. We both have depression. I have told my parents about my suicidal thoughts. I haven't told my partner because they have other stuff going on and I don't want to worry them, but I feel bad for not telling them. Should I tell them? Also, why did someone downvote this? I'm just asking for advice For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1014,"Title: I'm killing myself tomorrow :) Text: or maybe i wont we'll see if i can get the safe open and go from there. might have to resort to cold/pain medicine. someone fucking help me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1015,"Title: People who are depressed should reach out to their friends. *tries to reach out* Nobody replies. Text: UPDATE: So, I thought it would only be fair to post this update. While one friend still doesn’t seem to give a fuck, I’m meeting another friend for lunch tomorrow. Turns out she’s been having a thyroid flare up. One other friend also wants to make lunch plans soon so we’ll see about that. Some people care but have stuff going on, other people don’t care. Pay more attention to the former. Original post: Seriously, fuck everyone. It’s so easy to say after someone ends their life that they should have reached out to a friend and talked, but who’s really willing to listen? Only a select few of us are blessed with friends who listen with sympathy and respond in a timely way. The rest of them are just faffers. Capitalism has rotten human relationships to the core and everything has become disposable, including friendships. Hang on with dear life to those who really care about you and are willing to talk. More often than not it’s people who have struggled with mental illness themselves. Edit: It is usually better to talk to a therapist (if you can afford therapy, that is) about issues that friends do not have the professional training to deal with. I don't recommend burdening other people with all your issues because that would just drive them away. People have enough shit in their own lives to deal with. However, it sucks if you want to talk with a 'friend' who clearly knows you're going through a tough time and they don't return your call. Edit 2: Looking back at my post I realise I sound a little angry and cynical, but I really wish for a culture where mentally ill people could get the nurturing and support they need. A big part of that is also having access to mental health professionals who are capable and helpful. If you can, please seek the help of a therapist. It has helped me realize where my boundaries with others lie and how I can strengthen my own self to ask of others what I need/deserve from them. It can be a long-drawn process and you might not always land a good therapist at the first attempt. But please persevere if you have the means. Thanks to everyone for your comments. I’m trying to reply to each one but it’s hard to keep up, so I’m sorry if I miss yours. Remember—you’re worth the effort and the struggle, so please hang in there. Edit 3: If you're in the US, UK, Canada or Aus, you can use this directory to find a therapist near you, read about them, what insurance they take etc: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1016,"Title: why do we even live?? Text: There is no good reason to live because we work hard all our lives for money,love, trust and God knows what not at the end just to leave everything and leave?? Living with all the guilt, sorrow..... I can't anymore... I want to die.... I just can't take this life anymore.... I'm physically and mentally tired I just wanna sleep for eternity.... For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1017,"Title: I don't want to turn into a violent, angry, incel [M 21] Text: Hi everyone, ​ I saw the recent documentary on incels by the BBC, and it was just me staring at what I've become. ​ I'm socially maladjusted due to my upbringing, my parents didn't allow me to interact with other kids, so my social skills dwindled ever since. I have a lot of social anxiety, and can barely look people in the eyes. My posture is stiff, I can't smile, I'm paranoid that everyone hates me. ​ Because of this, I tried to find a community of others that felt similar to me. I dwelled within incel forums for the past 2-3 years, but I don't want to live this way. I see people on there talking about the most fucked up shit, and I sometimes smiled about it. I don't want to be this way. ​ I want help but I don't know what to do. How do I become socially successful and beat social anxiety? I want to be accepted by others, not become a sick person. Is it even possible for me? I don't have any friends, social-skills, or people to support me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1018,"Title: My gf was raped. Please Help. Text: Hey, my (m 35) gf (f 28) was raped last night. It’s been a shitty day. She has been in the hospital all night & day and then spoke to the police for hours. she had to have treatment. She only went out for risotto rice. Fucking rice. We got home and she begged me to have sex with her. I physically couldn’t do it. After seeing the examinations Etc she just had. She kept getting upset and we had a cuddle and A kiss. She was given meds to help her sleep which she took because she couldn’t stop crying, & now after a cuddle she is out of it on my chest whilst I type this. I’ve been trying to get into on what I’m doing here. I’ve got no clue. I don’t know what I really want to ask or know but I had to try to get help somehow. I feel so fucking angry. I can’t breathe. I want to run for miles but I also can’t bear to leave her. What do I need to do to help her? I’m fear this is going to completely change everything we know. I’ve taken the week off to stay with her. She is badly Beaten and can’t work either. What the fuck is wrong with men ? I don’t know what to do or say. I don’t know whether to suggest things or not. To get her food, drink? hold her. What’s wrong? What helps? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1019,"Title: I reported and now my family hates me Text: I filed a report with the police, they came to my house to talk to me, asked if I wanted to press charges, etc. Keep in mind I am a minor and still living with my parents. I asked my parents to leave so I could speak to the police. I agreed to press charges and answered their questions. It was all good. After the police left my parents screamed at me for a solid 10 minutes about how the person I'm reporting (my ex) was gonna sue me for defamation because I have ptsd and therefore am not reliable and going to fail my case, or how he was going to kill our entire family even with a restraining order and it was all my fault for reporting. Thanks for the support, mom and dad. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1020,"Title: Abusive partner being released from jail due to Covid-19! Text: Today I was notified that my abuser will be released from jail tomorrow because of guards and inmates testing positive for Coronavirus. He is basically being released while awaiting sentencing and trial because he is high risk for infection (he suffers with severe chronic asthma and emphysema). I’m flabbergasted and very scared! The news said that violent offenders would NOT be part of the release of inmates taking place because of Covid-19. He has not yet been sentenced for his violent crimes against me. The charges are very serious and include assault, assault with a weapon and forcible confinement. He is looking at federal time when sentenced. Needless to say, I am extremely worried about retaliation once he is on the streets again. I would appreciate advice from anyone that has been in this situation, as I fear for my own safety and that of my children. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1021,"Title: Mom’s boyfriend rapes me and I have to accept it Text: My mom has always had a lot of new men in the house and a lot of them were creepy and made me feel scared but they never hurt or touched me. But my mom's current boyfriend is touching me and I don’t know what to do. This started about a year ago when they first started dating, he made comments and was touchy but my mom told me to ignore it because she didn’t want me to ruin her relationship. It got worse over time and a few months ago he raped me. I told my mom but she didn’t believe me, and told me to stop being an attention seeker and to just be happy for her. It continues to get worse and I keep telling my mom but she grounded me for speaking bad about her boyfriend. I begged him to stop because I don’t like it, and told him I’d go to the police if he didn’t, but he got angry and left me tied in my room with no food/water until I told him I liked it and wanted it so he made me consent to everything. I told my mom again but she called me a bunch of cruel names and said that I’m a horrible person for saying those things about her boyfriend when I tell him he can do them. She then said if I ever tell the police all of the lies I’ve told her she’ll kick me out for being ungrateful and ruining her life. I don’t know what to do, I’m scared all the time and I have nowhere else to go and I don’t want to be homeless, but my mom won’t listen to me and takes his side all of the time. I’m terrified and have nowhere else to turn and have considered ending it because my life is awful and there seems to be no hope of getting better. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","childabuse_endangerment_ongoing, rape_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 1022,"Title: I was raped by my own girlfriend. And it happened more than once. Text: I have been using crutches and a wheelchair ever since I was 11 years old. My ex girlfriend, who I lived with for almost a year, loved to take advantage of the fact that I couldn't walk very well and would knock me to the ground. For no reason at all. Sometimes she would continue her assaults while I was on the ground, unable to get back up. She would hit, kick, and choke me, like it was some silly little game to her. I lived in constant terror and to make matters worse she had a very high sex drive. When it came to our sex life she basically treated me like a rag doll. I knew if I refused sex she would just hit me again. So I always said yes. I continued living with my abuser for almost a year. WHY? Well... where else was I supposed to go. Disability doesn't pay squat. Not if you're planning to live on your own. And as for the places that I could afford they weren't wheelchair accessible. But everything is good now. Eventually I did make it out of that relationship and I'm with someone who truly love and care about me. Believe it or not it is possible. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","domesticviolence_past, rape_past" Question 1023,"Title: Don't question yourself Text: I'm not sure if this is allowed but if not I'll take it down. I see alot of posts of people asking if they were raped and it breaks my heart to read those stories of people who question themselves. If you said no, if you didn't want to, if you were coerced or blackmailed, even manipulated, you were raped. There is no question about that and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. This goes just as well, man can be raped too. Maybe it was a boyfriend/spouse or partner if that's what you prefer that kept pushing you until you gave in. Maybe it was a ""one night stand"" that got you drunk. Maybe it was a friend who pressured you. It doesn't matter who it is, if you didn't want to and they didn't listen and pushed your boundaries, that's rape. My heart goes out to those who have survived something so traumatic. I may be an internet stranger but I'm here and I believe you. Do not let anyone tell you you're wrong or crazy or being overdramatic, none of that. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1024,"Title: Anyone ever feel like cutting even when you’ve had a good day? Text: Because I do :-( For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1025,"Title: how do you feel when other people see your scars?? (TW) Text: For me, most of my scars are on my lower left arm, most of them are white and hence they are not so visible however I have some scars on my arm which are a lot more visible even though they are healed. Today I was out in town wearing a cute short sleeved heart blouse which I had just bought and at one point a girl passed me and I saw that she had noticed my scars and she appeared visibly sad. Idk why but it made me feel guilty because I feel like I can't tell if I am either desensitized to my own scars or if it's that I feel like even though it obviously upsets me that I hurt myself and it's expected that I will feel really sad about what I did to myself I also feel like idk if it's true or not but I feel like would it mean that I was wallowing in self pity if I let myself feel sad about my scars because as blunt as it sounds I know that feeling sad about my scars isn't going to change what happened For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 1026,"Title: is anyone else super scared for summer? Text: i keep seeing (on tiktok specifically) that people are so excited for summer and how its going to be so much fun but my anxiety about my scars is eating me alive. none of my family knows, none of my friends know, not even my therapist knows and idk what to do because inevitably its going to get warmer out and im going to have to wear short sleeves and bathing suits. i’ve honestly never liked summer but this year is so much worse cause i just started to sh. i wish i could be excited for summer, and my therapist says whenever im feeling down, to remember what you’re excited for in the future but i’m not excited for anything at all anymore. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1027,"Title: existential anxiety Text: Is ruining my life. every moment of everyday I think about dying. first thing when I wake up. I never feel happy or safe or relaxed. it’s all I think about. what’s the point if we all die. I watch shows and think “wow they will die one day”. this is extremely exhausting. I’m just so tired. I feel like if i’m having fun something bad will happen. I feel guilty when i’m ok becuase anything can happen to me at any point. I don’t know what to do. I just need a break. my thoughts are spiraling worse and worse. I feel like nothing matters anymore and that I don’t care. my favorite things I no longer love. I also have bad depersonalization/derealization ( at least I think that’s what it is). being alive literally gives me anxiety. like existence in general scares me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1028,"Title: I think my husband is a narcissist Text: I have been enduring cycles of busy and keep falling back in. He convinced me he had ptsd and woukd get help and knew how wrong everything was when I left. Of course more rages happened and everytime he still justifies it when in the rage and blames me for raging. He's been violent not severely but enough to leave bruises. Also when he does go into a rage his eyes flash for a second and something changes. I couldn't explain it to anyone but just discovered that common for a narcissist. I've been protecting him because I truly thought his past trauma damaged him and he could change We now have a baby and I literally have no support system. He is a stay at home dad with the baby now and is great with him but I know it will damage him to witness the way he treats me when he can understand. . Most recent major incident, he was in a rage and making threats . I called the police before he was violent and he was arrested . He takes responsibility then a few days later it's back to blaming me, I provoked it and set him up. I lied to the DA in an email and told him I exaggerated it. He did not want to drop the charges and we have a court date coming up. I've been thinking maybe I should email the DA again and try to explain where my mind was. If I say the truth in court and he hears me and ends up getting out of it, there's no telling what his rage would be like. While he was in a state of being loving, and I thought there was a chance he could get help for his ""ptsd"" I told his lawyer the same info. Now he's back to raging at me and blaming me. Every incident he took responsibility for hes back to saying I caused and I'm the abusive one. I'm so sick of this cycle, I feel like maybe this is my way out. He is on probation (of course not his fault his ex set him up) which now I actually don't believe that's the full story. My only issue is I have no help. I can live with my Dad 8 hours away but then what about my house and all the normal things of I tell the truth and he violates and goes to jail for the rest of his probation time(good chance he would). I have enough money to maybe make it a month if I go to my dad's and try to find a job and babysitter. But I left him in March for the same issues and couldn't find a babysitter and felt like I had no choices and was sucked back in. My dad will give me a place to live but offers no other emotional or any other type of support. I really believe that's why I was so vulnerable to end up like this. I just need some help deciding what I should do. The baby loves him and he loves the baby. But how can this continue and how can I make and take care of the house and everything we have when I'm 8 hours away with no income or plan. I'm so conflicted. I'm working out of town until the night before court. I have days to decide what to do. And he has the baby and I will have to go home the night before. I was trying to just act normal and civil but he kept pushing me and blaming me until I finally told him he broke all his promises etc etc he's back on a rage towards and I don't know how long it will last. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1029,"Title: Existing hurts Text: I can’t do this anymore For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1030,"Title: I wonder if my parents will outlive me Text: Life is nothing but pain, I feel like a malfunctioning toy at an assembly line. I need to be discarded and forgotten. Early baldness and lack of parental care made my life incomplete, I can't relate with people and don't know what normal is. I recently watched AI by Stephen Spielberg, a very sad movie. In the End of the film, the advanced robots granted the robotic boy his last wish before switching him off. At that moment, I knew that I won't ever see anything more relatable in my life. I want to live without feelings and become an advanced robot that can be anything. There is something profound about people that lose a child, it's like a great big plan of life suddenly stops making sense, and you wake up from the Matrix. Only to find that all your entire life was spent anticipating something that will never come to be. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1031,"Title: first thought after waking up is ""i want to die"" Text: make it fucking stop For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1032,"Title: i feel so fucking lonely Text: i hardly talk to anyone. at school people only talk to me if they’re forced to be in a group with me. there’s this boy who sometimes says hi to me in the halls and each time i always want to cry because of how happy it makes me. at home being around my parents is exhausting. they always have something negative to say every single day. they always compare me to other people and it’s so demeaning. my brothers always tell me i’m lame every chance they get. and when i’m visibly upset they get annoyed at me for “acting like a girl”, which is funny because i am one, but even if i wasn’t it wouldn’t matter. most my friends live 3 hours away. we text, but i miss being able to physically be there with them. my best friend is a 10 minute drive from me, but he goes to another school. he reads my texts, but responds days later. i barely hang out with him, because i feel like i’m bothering him. strangers compliment me and it makes me happy, but so sad because kindness leaves too soon. sometimes i think about finding a fucking one night stand, because i just want to feel like someone wants me. i’m a sex-repulsed asexual, but i’m so desperate to feel needed even if i’ll regret it later. i forget how to talk to people and i don’t try to be pleasant anymore. so maybe it’s just all my fault. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1033,"Title: I think that today is the day. Text: Game over. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1034,"Title: I think I’m being abused, need advice Text: We’ve been together for 3 years (I’m female, 25, he’s male, 27) and he has one child from a previous relationship who visits our household through the week. This is also my first serious relationship. I’m realising now he’s always been pretty emotionally abusive, for example, if I make a mistake such as saying I’m going to Tesco when I actually meant to say I was going to Asda, I will be called a liar, saying I was intentionally lying for an unknown purpose, or be gaslit into believing i have memory issues. Yeah. Over saying the wrong shop name by accident. And this will go on for days, and continuously the authenticity of whatever I’m saying over them days will be questioned because “I can’t even remember what shop I will be going to, so how would I know?”. For context, I’m 25 years old so I obviously have no problems with my memory, I just misspoke. It’s just ridiculous and makes me feel really small an stupid. Anyway, over the last few occasions where we’ve had a heated argument, he’s gotten physical. When the argument started escalating verbally, I said I was going to leave the house and stay at a friends (EVEN THOUGH ITS MY HOUSE) I went upstairs to pack a bag and when I came down, he’d hid my phone and locked the front door and hidden the key. When i went to go grab his phone to call my friend, he tackled me to the floor in front of his child and then attempted to wrestle the phone out my hand, dragging me round the room in the process. His child was crying and begging us to stop. I finally gave up and let go of the phone after around 30 secs of trying to keep hold of it, for his child’s sake. To make a long story short, he kept the door and windows locked and my phone hidden for the next few days because he said he was afraid I would call the police, which I completely would have done. He told me he was sorry multiple times, told me he loved me and he’d go to therapy for his anger. By the time he gave me my phone back, I was too exhausted to tell anyone, nevermind the police. I’ve still stayed with him and made it out I’ve forgiven him but I want to leave him. I’m so tired of this and can’t wrap my head around the fact he got physical with me, especially in front of his child. I don’t know why I’m posting in here, mostly for some reassurance , as I’m embarassed and still kind of in denial, but have moments of clarity like this in late hours when he’s asleep. Also for advice as leaving him would probably be bad for me financially, as even though this is not his house, he contributes massively towards the mortgage and bills as he earns more than me. I just need some help and kindness, thank you. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1035,"Title: How long until they heal? Text: I was about a year clean but I relapsed a few days ago and I know it's really individual but how long do cuts usually take to heal? They're pretty shallow I think and when I sh'ed before they didn't use to leave any really visible scars. I'm asking because I'm chronically ill and I have loads of doctors visits so it kinda stresses me out. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1036,"Title: I’m learning. Text: I am constantly reminding myself lately that you can’t control other people’s choices. You have to make peace with the past and live for the present. Staying in the past can cause depression. Jumping too far into the future creates anxiety. Take each moment as it comes. Do the next best thing for the next 15 minutes. Know when to be accountable to yourself & know when to forgive yourself. You can’t fault yourself for things you didn’t understand at a time. Be kind to yourself. Everything will be okay. ♥️ For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1037,"Title: I'm at the point where the feelings of suicide are based around logic, not emotion. Text: I've been suicidal since high-school, but lately it's been different. I don't feel sad, or anything. It's just seems like the right thing to do. I'm not emotional about it, I just honestly think killing myself would be the best choice, given who I am and how I feel. Im alone, nonone understands me. No one even tried. No one will ever fappbin love with me, or be my best friend. Even my own parents dont bother to respect me. I have zero control over my life, so why not just end it. It doesn't make me sad anymore. It's just a fact. Suicide is just a fact. I think I'm going to kill myself. Maybe I'll give it more thought, but how much thought could there be? Edit: I've made up my mind! I'm picking a date. Fuck it, I'm done thinking. I have all the evidence 8 need, here in this post. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1038,"Title: I'm a single father who's daughter just died. Text: There was a break-in at my house and they killed my daughter. She was my only reason for living. I don't know what to do. How do I go on? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1039,"Title: Is this acceptable behavior? Text: I am a middle aged male who has always worked in corporate or government jobs and has had dozens of training classes regarding sexual harassment over the years and has taken them seriously. My personal rule is no sex talk at work at all. Recently I took a job at a local small business (liquor store) while I'm looking for a new job. Most of my coworkers are females between 25 and 35. These women think nothing about discussing their sex lives in vast detail in front of me. While they aren't making comments to me or about me, is it sexual harassment to have to listen to how much dick they got over the weekend and how much their boyfriend can cum? This is constant and comes from several coworkers including my manager. Does this type of unprofessional behavior happen often in small business? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 1040,"Title: Fairly isolated Text: I have limited meaningful in-person contact and women my age (30) feel like a rarity and even rarer contact with. I tend to feel like as a man I have low value dating etc. Like, who's going to notice me? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1041,"Title: Can I just say that everyone here is so great- instead of saying ""just stop"" you give tips and help. Text: It pisses me off- the people that are all like "" dude stop hurting yourself "" its not that easy! Its litteraly the only thing i enjoy. And i had questions for what to do if x happens- and you guys actually helped. So thank you :) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1042,"Title: Whoever comes across this, you're doing fine. Just remember that there's a whole community of people who understand and we're here. Text: Have a nice night For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1043,"Title: I've figured I don't emote often and i think it may become an issue Text: So my girlfriend's dad died recently (he was shot) and as she's crying I was thinking to myself ""Why would you cry death is part of life it happens just accept it and move on"" but I realized that I'm like that in almost all aspects of life. I kinda go through life with an it is what it is oh well keep it moving and I don't know if it's some form of depression, me being realistic or I just look at things on a weird nihilistic light. But the question is, is it wrong to just accept that emotions don't matter and we are only here to breed and die. or should I seek professional help? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1044,"Title: long day today.. Text: Today was overwhelmingly stressful and I just had really strong urges all day so when I got home i made multiple styro cuts and ended up having to use butterfly bandages then bandage it up.. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1045,"Title: I thought making friends would make me feel better. Text: I do feel better, but I still feel lonely, depressed, and like shit. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1046,"Title: I just want to die Text: 5 years ago, I had attempted and almost succeeded. I was in the ICU for 48 hours after being resuscitated, and was briefly in a vegetative state. 5 years ago, I was in a relationship, in college with a great gpa, working full time, living with my then boyfriend (now ex) of (by then) 1.5 years, and had a relatively stable-ish life. I thought that was bad. I thought that was bad enough to take my life. If only I had seen myself now LOL. I wish I had died. I was better off then. Now, at the age of 26, I have been broken up with my ex (after being together for almost 5.5 years) for almost 2 years now. It seems that every time I get close to a male— become their friend, begin to trust them, and start developing feelings for them— they hook up with me once and then don’t want to peruse anything more. One of them stopped talking to me for an entire year before hitting me up again. The other one (who I still have deep feelings for) is still a close friend, but he’s seeing someone else now and it hurts. On top of all that, I feel like a failure. I am working in a kitchen because I hate the field I got my degree in (early childhood education), I am barely making it with rent, I just totaled my car last week and have to get a new one (not on purpose. But would have loved to have died in that accident:3), still single and not having luck. Though I am happy for my friends, it is hard to watch them buy houses, get married have kids, etc while I’m still just floundering around. I wish I could just end it all. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","suicideideation_active_past, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 1047,"Title: I've got nothing to live for. Text: What's the point in being alive?! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1048,"Title: Witnessing domestic violence as a child/teenager in the past + mental stress as an adult Text: 26 year old male here. I just want to preface this by saying I feel happy right now, I am happy with my family and I love them and they love me. I am loved by both my parents, grandparents, and younger sister and I love them very much as well. However, there has always been a splinter in our family history...there isn't a month where I don't sometimes think about my childhood and the occasional abuse that I witnessed from my father that was dealt to my mother. There were instances so ingrained in my memory of my father hitting or pushing my mom up until I was about 13 that to this day still haunts me. I remember vividly crying in the fetal position whenever these traumatic events occurred. My sister, thank goodness was not around most of the time for these events and it seems to have had a lesser effect on her life. I can't help but think that witnessing such events has somewhat aided—albeit unconducive— in my progression of anxiety, panic attacks, and overall low self-esteem growing up; to this day, I still suffer from varying levels of anxiety and low self-esteem. Things seemed very good and stable for the past decade. My mom and dad would get into the occasional fight every so often, couple times a year, but it never turned physical and they always resolved peacefully. My father has mellowed out a lot as he grew older, but I still can never forgive him for hitting my mom. When I was a child, I would frequently think of scenarios of overcoming my father when events of domestic violence occurred. running scenarios in my head of me growing older and beating the crap out of my dad if he were to ever touch my mom again. Recently, primarily due to my issues with anxiety and having intrusive thoughts. and also having majored in Sociology and thinking about the effects of parental nurture on a child who has witnessed domestic violence on a parent, I can't help to think and be overcome by this fear of being like my father. It is without a doubt that children who witness traumatic events such as violence between parents often are at a greater risk of being violent themselves in their future relationships. This is one of the things I fear the most in myself. I know I am in control of my own future and I constantly tell myself that I will never ever be like my father and if I ever saw my father do that to my mother again, I would retaliate with force, but a part of me can't escape the sociological and psychological predisposition for children who witness domestic violence to grow up as adults and do it themselves to others in their relationship. Apologies for the exposition...I never really wrote about this but these are just my thoughts and I wanted to know what you guys think...will I become my father? This has become one of the most anguishing fears to deal with and it haunts me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1049,"Title: Home is safe Text: Some background: My ex-husband used to abuse me in front of my children in our home. I got a restraining order 5 months ago which barred him from entering the home. Tonight my 7 year old son did his homework which involved answering the question ""What is your favorite place to be and why?"" He answered ""My favorite place to be is my home because it is safe."" Made me feel good. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1050,"Title: Delusions/hallucinations and self harm Text: I don’t know if I’m just crazy and if no one else experiences this, but only a big handful of times I’ve cut has been from feeling shitty, the other are either my brain telling me that my skin needs to be cut because it’s uncomfortable or just doing it for the sake of doing it. I don’t know how to deal with this, advice is wanted. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1051,"Title: Stranger helped me with my bandages Text: Don't usually use these communities but I want to share this, and dont want my friends to know i self harm. They saw me struggling to retie the bandage one-handed and offered to help. They didn't comment on the wounds that werent hidden under plasters though they clearly knew what they were. They were gentle and careful with the bandage. They didnt try to convince me not to, tell me it was wrong, or anything like that. They asked me to take care of myself, but in no way tried to guilt me. They gave advice on the bandages with when to use them and what to be careful of to avoid infection. They treated me with respect, empathy and understanding. They treated me like a person. I couldn't think of anything to say but thank you (which I said a lot lmao) and I cried on the bus after. This total stranger who doesn't even know my name genuinely cared about me, saw I needed help and offered it without judgement or anything. I doubt I'll ever see them again, Its not magically fixed all my problems or stopped me cutting, but though it might be silly just having had that experience genuinely makes me feel so much more like I matter, and that there are people out there who can understand. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1052,"Title: i made promise to someone very important to me that i wouldn't do it anymore but i really want to Text: i made a promise to one of my friends, (now we're in this weird situation ship thing but anyway), that i wouldn't cut anymore. i made it in like may, and i managed to stop again, because when i made that promise i was in a relapse after a year and a half clean. i stopped again in like mid june. but the urge is so high right now to cut, but i know i can't because my promise means everything to me. it would hurt them, if i did and i never want to see the look on their face again after i told them i relapsed. but i want the pain, and the feeling, and the blood. they are the first person i would go to because they look after me, and they wanted me to text them if i ever did or felt like i wanted to. but i can't text them. i want to but i don't want to bother them. they're one of the few people that has stuck by me after my breakup with my gf and the imploding that went on in my friend group because of that. i miss seeing him everyday, and i miss hugging him, and teasing him, and laughing with him. he comforts me, but after everything that happened with my messy breakup and ending of friendships with pretty much my whole friend group, i can't not do it. i need the release and i need the feeling again. my parents are being so mean again, and that just adds to the urge. i really shouldn't, but i want to so badly. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1053,"Title: i feel so tired Text: Ive been cutting for like 2 or 3 years. I've kept it from mostly everyone, at most mentioning it a once or twice to different people. I've always made sure i harm in spots no one can see, or it looks like an accident and i can come up with an excuse for it. So... no one really knows i cut my thighs, no one knows i get upset and dig my nails i to my skin, no one knows about all the cuts i put on my upper arm. No one sees No one knows. It makes me so mad and upset i want to rip my skull apart. But what am i to do? My best friend has such deep scars i sometimes cringe in worry when i see them. All of my closests friends been through some fucking SHIT. And personally i can cant say that i have. I dont want to go crying to them, knowing that ive lived a mostly happy and trauma less life. I think my parents truly tried their best. I cant say that my childhood was perfeect but it's nothing compared to the literal abuse my friends have gone through from their parents. I dont even know why i hurt myself or why my brain feels so so fucking crazy. But it never feels right to share my issues when i know that what im going through is likely 5x less harsh than what my friends are going through. And i dont quite feel comfortable sharing my sh issue with my parents, i know they'll just scream in my face. I know they mean well, but their worry always turns into anger. And i cant handle that. It all just sucks. Everything sucks. I wish i had a personal therapist to talk to just to have someone to tell these things. I dont go out much, since my parents are lowkey overprotective. So maybe im only fucked because im stuck with ny thoughts all the time. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1054,"Title: miss him so much Text: I miss my other guy. The one who kept life exciting. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1055,"Title: Any help? Text: This isn’t my situation but my sister. Her baby daddy is extremely abusive, as I am typing this she called the cops and he is in the car. The cops already called the DA to see if my sister can press charges, the DA refused and now they’re talking with their supervisor. But I’m trying to see if there is a way my sister can be helped emotionally and financially. I just turned 18 less than 2 months ago and I can’t really do much, I’m in no position to get a job at the moment, I mean I don’t even own a credit card or have a license. My mother isn’t any help either, she belittles my sister and ridicules her for staying in this relationship and gets upset because it’s affecting her life. My sister has had to use all her money to not only take care of her kids but to take care of him, get groceries and pay bills. So I was wondering if anyone has advice or know any resources that can help her. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1056,"Title: Which of these sound least painful/most peaceful?. Text: I just want peace I have ~5,000mg of lamictal and a bottle of vodka, plus a recently filled rx of buspirone and lexapro, but far less than 5,000mg. I don’t like the idea of ODing on anything except opioids but it could take a good year to gather that much in my circumstances Other ideas include hanging, jumping off a bridge into frigid water, running into the highway late at night, or taking a nap on some railroad tracks Ideally I’d either be able to get a large amount of opioids or save up to go to the Netherlands and apply for psychiatric euthanasia but I’m not sure I have the patience For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1057,"Title: 20M Barely Keeping It Together Text: It's been like this for almost 2 years now, well the depression itself started 5 years ago after my mother's death, but the suicidal thoughts were around for two years. And RIGHT FUCKING NOW it's stronger than ever. After my mother's death my poor alcholic father strugled financially. He started drinking even more and he was more emotional all the time but he tried to not show anthing to us. But I was aware of everything, and seeing him like that made me feel an excruciating pain (btw my father is not an abusive alcholic he loves us more than anything). I managed to hold it together all these years even after we were forced out of our home and went to our village to live with my uncle. But right now, I feel like there is nothing worth living for and I m pondering on thoughts.  I'm not a religious person so I'm not scared of God's punisment or anything like that either. What the fuck am I supposed to do? I don't want live this crappy, fucking miserable life anymore. Please help me, I'm scared and tired of everthing, I feel like everything would have been better if I didn't exist at all. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1058,"Title: I need advice and need people’s opinions! Text: I am a (22F). I work for a small business. My boss is (70M). My boss who I started working for when I was 18 years old confessed to me that he loved me. He has a wife who I have her number and text her, a daughter who I have her number and have texted her before as well (don’t know her as well as the wife). How did he initiate telling me? He texted me and told me he needed to talk with me and I assumed it was about work. Told me to meet him at his place. I met him at his house which is normal at my place of work as it is a small business and we did grow into a small family so this was normal for us. I looked at him as my mentor and felt safe/not creeped out by him because he would say I’m like a second daughter to him. We had become good friends and I was proud of the reputation I’d built at my job. I took ownership and LOVED my job. Anyways, I get to his house, sit down. And he goes into this speech about “New Years” and starting it off fresh and getting everything off his chest. He’s rambling and acting nervous and on the verge of crying and I’m sitting over there like… what the hell did I do? Am I getting fired?! Then he says “MY NAME I’ve fallen in love with you”. My heart immediately sank. I would have rather got fired. I literally faced palmed myself to hide my emotion on my face because I think my face was a mixture of disgust, terror, and probably looked sickly. In this moment and actually for months after this I felt small, felt like I had to make him comfortable, felt like he was looking at my ass every time my back was turned towards him, felt like I couldn’t speak up or set boundaries, felt like I needed to console him through this. Not only does he say he’s fallen in love with me but he tells me it’s become an obsession and this thought won’t let him sleep at night and he had come to the conclusion the only way to deal with it was to tell me. He keeps talking and mentions he’s had feelings for 3 years. He continues talking and says this line “I don’t know what I was thinking trying to hook you up with my nephew, I just thought about if we all went on a family vacation and if I had to listen to you and him banging in the room over how jealous I would be”. (At one point he tried to get me to date his nephew). He said that when his best friend/customer of ours was here on his last trip that his friend told him he could feel the “sexual tension” between my boss and I. My boss said he replied with “from me but I don’t think from her”. After saying this he looks at me and says “you really had no idea”? Almost like he's manipulating me into thinking I was the reason why this was happening because I wanted it, ew.) He also mentions to me that his wife and him don’t have sex and haven’t for a long time, I think he said 2 years. He said he didn’t know why he told me he loved me because he didn’t expect anything to come of it. Which after I've had time to think of it... I'm like WHY ELSE WOULD YOU TELL ME YOU LOVE ME AND SAY ALL OF THESE WILDLY INAPPROPRIATE THINGS?? My guess is he's trying to cover the fact he royally messed up? Idk I need opinions. Once it came to the point when I think he realized I was not giving him the response he wanted, He said “I know the age gap is unreasonable and I’m not divorcing my wife so I don’t know why I felt this obsession to tell you”. At the time I’m comforting him by saying “no I get it I don’t want you to not be sleeping at night because of me” now I’m like why were you so naive and stupid. I was trying to be so polite I was trying to be a respectful employee. But I needed to realize this was a situation that needed a strong and immediate boundary setting individual and I just didn't. I didn't want to lose my job. I didn't know how he'd react to my rejection. I had a serious conversation with him about this a few weeks later and drew boundaries. Within the next 5 months he would continue to bring it up over text, on the phone, and in person. After multiple times of me telling him that I would like if we could stop talking about it I feel like we are beating a dead horse and the only way I will be able to move on is with time and boundaries he just brings it up again. What I’m looking for are people who have gone through similar situations. Please share! There are more details this is just too long already For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 1059,"Title: a poem about my experience Text: a poem about my SH experience i’ve struggled with self harm, specifically cutting for over a year. here’s a poem i wrote about my experience. TW: mentions of cutting, feelings, etc‼️ laying in a pool of red what started out as only one cut oh how much a piece of silver can do laying in a pool of my own thoughts ruminating about how I did this to myself not my disastrous mother who has caused me a lifetime full of traumatic memories not my emotionally absent father just me. every cut brings back a comforting feeling a feeling of shelter a feeling of protection from the world around me I say I want help to stop but i’m afraid of letting go letting go of how cutting feels like home to me letting go of the relief each sting brings to my head letting go of the excitement of hiding what’s under my sleeves is what immensely brings fear to my head For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1060,"Title: Was this sexual assault or rape? Text: Hi guys, I told my therapist about this but she wasn’t much help, and I don’t want to tell my parents about something super personal like this, so I figured I would post anonymously on Reddit instead to hopefully get some feedback. Even though this happened 8 months ago, I can’t stop thinking about how uncomfortable this made me feel and I’m having a hard time moving on/emotionally dealing with this. Around February my friend with benefits (at the time) and I were making out in the driver’s seat of his car with the seat slightly leaned back. I was sitting on top of him. For context I was wearing a skirt with panties underneath. After a couple minutes of making out he whips his thing out. At first, I wasn’t too alarmed by this because I thought maybe he would ask me to give him a blowjob, which I would have been totally fine with. But instead, he puts his hand under my skirt then takes his fingers to push my panties to the side, and shoves his thing inside me. All of this happened in a matter of a second. He didn’t try to ask or see if I was turned on first and didn’t ask for my consent. We had had sex a couple times before this, but those times, I was very into it and the sexual desire was mutual. This time around, I was not sexually aroused whatsoever and I thought we were just making out. The fact that he just shoved it inside me out of the blue with no warning caught me off guard. I wasn’t able to fight back because my mind went blank and I didn’t know what to do. My body felt paralyzed with confusion and fear. I was frozen in shock for like a minute. Once the paralyzation wore off and I came to my senses, I felt bad stopping what was happening because he was clearly enjoying it. I gaslit myself into believing I was also into it, and let him finish what he was doing, and once he did, I asked him to drive me home. Was this sexual assault or rape? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1061,"Title: i can't be the only one Text: so my experience with sh is that i usually don't get urges so i don't do it, but sometimes i do it mainly because i wanna see the blood and then i can't stop until my arm/leg is absolutely covered and then a few months pass and i do it again and so forth is anyone else like this or am i just weird For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1062,"Title: I have nothing to live for. Text: Nobody anymore. Everyday is hell. I cant do this. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1063,"Title: Just Relapsed Text: I have not cut in 6 days but i have been feeling suicidal so i really had the urge to cut :( For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 1064,"Title: I started going to the gym Text: Last year in July, I was a 105 lb girl when my ex bf had me pinned down on the bed as he strangled and physically assaulted me. Never in my life have I ever felt so terrified. I tried to fight back and get away but my body wasn’t strong enough. I felt like a trapped animal at his mercy and thinking about it now, I’m disgusted that the only option I had was wait for him to stop. Two months later, I started working out and since then have started gaining some weight in muscle and strength. Obviously, I don’t intend on going back to a situation like that ever again. But it does bring me comfort to think that maybe no one else will have the opportunity to make me feel so violated and dehumanized again. I didn’t want to hurt him back. All I wanted to was protect myself and escape. There really wasn’t a point to this post. I just felt the need to vent a little and if anyone is reading this, I appreciate you hearing me out. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1065,"Title: Tired of hiding my recent scars Text: I did some really bad burns on my upper arm a while back and they just recently healed. The scars are probably the worst scars I've ever had. It's relatively easy to hide them but sometimes it's difficult. I'm constantly worried someone will think I'm being suspicious and ask. But why should it matter? Even if they see it and scold me they can't do anything. I'm an adult and they can't threaten me with forced hospitalization anymore. They can't force me to stop or take away my sh stuff, because they aren't in charge of me. I'm just so tired of worrying people know when they can't change anything anyway. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 1066,"Title: I don’t stay for him. Text: I’ve been deep in my head more than ever the past few months and been going to some dark places. Three days ago I don’t know if I built up courage or it was an unintentional cry for help, but I shared with my husband how I’m feeling. My husband: “As someone who is so passionate about suicide prevention, that makes you two faced” I froze. He moved on. It hasn’t come up since. It’s like it was never spoken. I can’t stop thinking about that moment. I don’t stay for him. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1067,"Title: I need help.... Text: I'm a piece of shit. Wife wants a divorce. So alone.... Got strong beer and a loaded pistol. I do think want to but I want it to happen. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1068,"Title: This sub triggers the fuck out of me sometimes. But I'm obligated to stay because I want to help since no one helps me. It seems the most needed posts go unheard, while instructions for sh are left up. Reports haven't done enough. DAE feel this way? Text: Yes I know it's a choice to be here but if I see one more happy post about bringing blades to school or relapsing after x days clean... Sometimes I think this sub isn't monitored enough like I get it but some of this stuff encourages it or triggers it and it feels like it's made to foster it not end it. Def just found new ideas from posts here and that's not ok. I'm an addict, and I didn't go looking to find them they're just on the pages right there. People are probably gonna downvote the fuck out of me because I'm asking for more moderation in a sub made for self harmers that is active and most people myself included are actively doing it but like goddamn. Has anyone else felt obligated to be here and see triggering stuff because maybe there's a chance you could help someone else? I just broke a lot but I still kept scrolling. I'm so done with this constant cycle. Idk. Someone add something, please I can't be the only one. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1069,"Title: VENT Text: I’m working on a project right now and suddenly all the memories of prior victimization came flooding back. Idk what was worse - the assaults or how I was treated by the cops. Really want to punch some people in the face rn. I mean fuck all those people. I almost want to dig up the stuff I saved from those events and just expose the hell out of those fuckers and how they treated me and my child. This police department has had newspaper stories written about their incompetent officers and how they do nothing for victims except retraumatize them & protect the abuser from going to jail. I feel like I could throw up. That’s all. Thanks. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1070,"Title: SH cuz suicide is too much emotional effect... Text: Anyone else feel like they're suicidal but it just takes too much emotional effect to think about or care? I do SH to self-regulate emotions I've never understood, and I have no idea if I'm suicidal nor if I need to care... I feel like I'm dead anyway, and burning myself helps me sleep, well thinking about dying has too much guilt and logistics to deal with... × lack of quality sleep leading to low energy in general, I don't think there's anything to be concerned of. But I know if my family found out, they wouldn't feel the same... For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 1071,"Title: idk what’s going on Text: Well, i just did bad on a math test (44 out of a 100 point assignment) and missed the close date of another assignment worth 50 points for another class, my sleep schedule is bad so i struggle trying not to fall asleep in class, i wanna be a kid again, parents are separating so my parents are struggling financially and me and my sister switch between the houses every week (i didn’t choose to live with one because i want equal time with both and i didn’t go with two weeks because i didn’t wanna be away from my dogs for too long (one of them i’m fearing the day he dies bc he’s old and he’s my childhood dog))and i have no motivation. I was going better recently i don’t know what happened. i worry about grades because i want good ones to get into good colleges. I don’t even know what i wanna be when i choose a career and that’s why i wanna be prepared for everything i could ever want to be but with the way i’m going, i don’t wanna jeopardize my future For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1072,"Title: First psych appointment. What to expect or just encouragement. (TW brief mention of SH) Text: Hello all! I’m going for my intake here in a couple hours and I’m super nervous. I haven’t ever been allowed to get mental health help so I am a little scared. (My parents don’t believe in mental illness and I’ve been on their insurance until a couple months ago) is it normal to be nervous? I have some sh scars from a couple weeks ago. Should I keep that to myself? Or should I be open? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 1073,"Title: My little brother just kissed my scars 🥺 Text: I was scratching his head and he kissed my hand, and then he said “I wanna kiss your scratches to make them feel better.” And I said “they’re all healed up so you can!” And he kissed them and said “do they feel better?” Omg I wanna cryyyy. He’s 5 years old and he’s the sweetest boy ever! (He does not know that my scars are from self harm dw) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 1074,"Title: how to help neighbor (mention of physical abuse) Text: so my neighbors have been fighting loudly for months, and today I finally heard him hit her. my husband and I went outside to check on her and they came out at the same time- both clearly under the influence, her visibly battered. the man spent a while monologuing to us about why he’s so angry before storming off. the girl apologized for the disruption and asked us not to involve the police for personal reasons. we’ve given her our contact info and have told her to reach out if she needs anything (she has come over to use our phone and also to just ask for some company while he was out), but don’t know what else to do. i’m not going to involve the police because she has made it clear that that would make things expressly worse for her. is there anything else I can do? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1075,"Title: I almost didnt commit suicide yesterday Text: I got into a fight with my family and then my sister locked the door and me pushing it with my weight, i accidently broke the glass on it out of anger,and then i picked up a glass and started cutting my wrist and i almost didnt cut where im not supposed to,and i started bleeding, i was screaming and crying and my dog started running and making noise when he saw me... when i took a shower,it hurt and now that hand hurts me when i try to move it harder, and now when the whether is hot, i am trying to hide it bc i am going to my dentist... I have to go to a professional tomorrow to talk to, others tell me is going to be better but i truly dont know...? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","suicideideation_active_past, selfharm_past" Question 1076,"Title: I wish I never left him. Text: I’m tired. I’m so fucking tired. I spent 8 years with him. He abused me every chance he could get. Of course, during this 8 years I lied a lot to my family and friends. I said he wasn’t living with me when he was. I told them I wasn’t talking to him when I was. I accept my faults and my mistakes. I have apologised profusely. I was trauma bonded to him and lying to cover for him/us became my second nature. I finally, completely broke it off. It’s been over a year and every one still treats me like a liar. My family, since I left him, have been coming down hard on me. They’re quick and cruel. They gaslight me, say I’m a “mental case” and that I’m “the girl who cried wolf”. The lies spiralling around me aren’t even coming from me anymore. They’re coming from my siblings. From other family members who live close by, saying that my ex is back in my house (he’s not - I wouldn’t even risk it. The trauma bond is broken.) But every single day, I’m dealing with somebody shouting at me, calling me a liar or just calling me “nuts”, “mental” and “psycho.” I wish I never left him. At least he had the balls to back up his words with physical actions. Now, I just feel like I’m everyone’s punch bag. Just emotionally and verbally. I’m so tired. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1077,"Title: Just need to vent a bit Text: I just fucking hate being lonely. All growing up I never really had good friends aside from a few. I was always picked on because I was pretty big and kind of an easy target. But I’m really not in contact with anyone from my childhood, so that doesn’t really matter. But as I got older I still never found good friends. I have one good friend who’s been my best friend since kindergarten but he also has his own friends and he’s pretty popular so I don’t talk to him as much as I want to because I don’t want to bother him. Aside from that I never have anyone who reaches out to me to try to make plans. Never have anyone who checks in on me. Im always the one who initiates conversations and tries to make plans (to which everyone always has an excuse as to why they’re busy). I’m just kinda there. It also doesn’t help that I’m adhd and probably autistic. Never had a girlfriend either. I recently had a girl message me, flirt with me, talk with me a decent bit and for the first time in a while, I felt like I actually mattered. But she randomly decided to stop talking to me which makes me feel like absolute shit. I honestly hate feeling like this and idk what else to do. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1078,"Title: Sexually Harassed on Work Trip??? Text: I (41F) work as a lawyer at a law firm. My office paid for all the attorneys to go to Vegas this past weekend. One of the partners (51M) and I are good friends. We regularly have happy hours and sometimes we make sexual jokes or the topic of sex comes up. I have felt in the past that he would almost go out of his way to bring up sex during some of these happy hours, but it was never him directly hitting on me and I would participate in these conversations. This past weekend, a group of us (including his wife) went to the pool at our hotel. At some point, I had a swimsuit malfunction that resulted in a nip slip. I didn't realize, until he sort of discreetly pointed it out and I quickly fixed it. Later, after his wife went back to the room, he admitted to me that he stared at my nipple for a couple minutes before he told me about the nip slip and then he told me how great I looked in my swimsuit and how he likes women with big boobs. Then he asked me to show him my nipple again, which I refused. I felt like this crossed a line and I've felt really weird being around him after this. I mean we are both lawyers and he should know better, but I also feel like maybe I laid the foundation because I willingly participated in sexual jokes and conversations in the past. Part of me wants to say something, but I feel like he'll just view me as being ""too uptight"" if I tell him how inappropriate his comments were. I probably will try to just move on and forget about this, but it's really bothering me . Am I overreacting? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 1079,"Title: I'm so burnt out I can't do anything Text: Hello. A couple of weeks ago I got really burnt out. I'm still struggling to get out of bed in the morning and I can't manage to do anything. I'm like 10 assignments behind in school and I've got a lot more coming but I just can't manage to do anything. I just feel so tired. I can't manage to do anything at all except lay down and mindlessly scroll the internet. I'm in a lot of physical pain too so I can't really do any of my hobbies to try to pull myself out of this. Thanks for reading. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1080,"Title: Have PTSD from my abuse Text: Yes I am a male 48 I was molested when I was 5 years old and again at 8 years old and again when I was 15 I now have PTSD from my abuse something I fight on a daily basis is it normal to fantasize about it ? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",childabuse_endangerment_past Question 1081,"Title: I tried to reason with my mom Text: I tried to reason with my mom that I want to do online schooling while she was fully awake and this time she just yelled at me, berating my social anxiety and depression in the process saying that I just need to socialize. It’s extremely hard just for me to talk to my teachers, every time I think about talking to someone in my classes I get nervous and overthink. No it’s not just a minor thing that I can get over with enough determination, I wish but it’s really not easy for me. And I just wanted to vent. Please don’t suggest I just talk to people in comments, not to be rude but it just isn’t easy. TLDR: mom yells at me and makes me cry because socializing is a genuine fear I have. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1082,"Title: Today, it has been exactly a year since the last time I cut!! Text: I wish everyone the best in their recovery process! Relapses happen, so don’t be too upset with yourself if it happens to you :) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 1083,"Title: Happy Halloween Text: My life is crumbling around me and i'll be surprised if I make it to 19 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1084,"Title: Confused on why I still hurt myself even if I am happy Text: I know this probably sounds crazy but life is going great for me. I’m genuinely happy and thriving but I still continue hurting myself. I have no idea as to why and I can’t pinpoint why I still do it when everything is going right. I know it’s an addiction but I usually can stop for long periods of time before picking it back up again. I’m just so confused on why I’ll be smiling and feeling warm then go back to picking up a sharp object. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1085,"Title: Just feeling lonely Text: I just feel like I have no friends. I used to be invited to hangout with my best friend pretty much every Friday to go run errands or whatever, but now she invites someone else. I try to talk to my husband about it, but it’s hard because she is his best friends wife and sometimes I feel he is more on her side than mine. It’s just hard not feeling like anyone’s best friend or someone’s most important person if that makes sense. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1086,"Title: i'm gonna kill myself on monday Text: i don't think it's ever gotten this bad. i've never wanted to just disappear without a trace this much. i'll try to write a note but i dont really have alot to write about. i'm going out with my family this weekend. to them its a fun night out but to me its saying goodbye. i'll hug all my animals, and tell them how much i love them. i'll tell everyone that they've made my year so much better. and to anyone who reads this, thank you for your time. i hope everyone has a great rest of their year without me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1087,"Title: A year ago Text: Today, is the day where it first happened and how it forever changed and impacted my views and ways on sex. No one deserves to have their first time taken from them like that. Always seek out help and therapy. I also would like to thank the ppl on the suicide watch sub Reddit for helping encouraging me to report it. Thank you. I’m still growing and healing but it really means a lot to me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1088,"Title: help Text: sat blade in hand dissociated and fuzzy trying to convince myself of all the reasons I should and shouldn’t do this. i feel physically sick. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1089,"Title: What happens is i tell my doctor that ive been contemplating suicide when she asks me? Text: I cant ask in any major subs, its apparently not allowed, even though im not asking for any suicide advice, I just want to know if she'll try to get me commited or something and is a very bad idea to tell the truth. I dont want to kill myself, i want my situation to be better. But since i cant see it ever getting better, i would rather not live in misery for years to come. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1090,"Title: LMAOO FUCK SELF HARM Text: I THREW MY BLADES AWAY!! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 1091,"Title: i miss who i was before him. Text: he took so much away from me. i started dating him when i was 18 and we broke up when i was 20. it started my senior year of high school. i missed out on so much and became so isolated. i’m 22 now and i feel like i missed out on so much of my life. i didn’t go to prom, didn’t do any fun senior activities, none of that. i was with him, isolated, being abused the whole time. i regret it so much every single day. i feel like i forgot how to be a person because of it. i always feel like people are just out to get me or just want something from me. before i met him, i was so much fun. i had a fun group of friends. my best friend of 6 years was included in that group (my ex made me cut him off, despite us being family friends for such a long time). he was my platonic soulmate and i lost him because of this relationship. i’ve tried reaching out over the years and i get no response. i get it, 100%. i feel like my ex had to of threaten him or something. i just miss who i was. i had all these close friends, we would all spend every weekend together just doing dumb stuff that you do when you’re 18. but suddenly all of it stopped. my whole life stopped because of this guy and i was just sucked into this black hole. i wish i had left sooner. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1092,"Title: I'm worried that the fact that I have no friends will be a huge red flag to any girl I want to date Text: I don't have any friends for one simple reason: I've never really made the attempt. I've been alone for practically my whole life. Yes, I have parents and a family. But I mean aside from them. I was shy growing up and that just morphed into me being introverted and preferring quiet solitude. Yes, I live in a bubble of my own making. But I also don't really have much of a desire to want friends either. What I want, truly want, more than anything, is affection. That's all. I don't hate people. Not at all. I'm not a hateful person. But I want to at least know what holding a girl's hand is like. Even a kiss would suffice but hopefully build up from there. Yet, even though I make myself sound virtuous, I'm afraid me not having friends will be a deal breaker for a girl. Or, if not a deal breaker, she'll treat me with suspicion and likely leave. And I'll be alone at the end of my days. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1093,"Title: I’m committing suicide today. Text: I can’t take it any longer. My family hates me, and I have no purpose in life. I hate myself. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1094,"Title: DAE like the day after pain more than the initial pain? Text: Personally the immediate relief is always gratifying but the the thing that makes it so hard to stop is when Im no longer able to feel the soreness and the itching and the pain when it hurts to move a certain way or run into something. It's the small constant reminders throughout the day that remind me the pain I inflicted is still very real and when it starts to fade I feel the need to make more. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1095,"Title: sea or dam. which one is the best ? Text: i always had the feeling of dying drowning. i just didn't know that i will do it myself. my question is clear. is salt or sweet water better? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1096,"Title: Depressed Text: I need someone to talk to please PM For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1097,"Title: I Got Out! Text: Last week, I had enough. I was just granted a PPO ex parte, it doesn't expire for 5 years! I'm ready. I got my hair trimmed today for the first time in at least a year. I took myself out to eat for lunch (just a sandwich, since I have no income). Money is very tight for now, but things are going to be okay. I'm safe. I have my dogs. They are safe. No more abuse. He is going to get angry, but I can take it. I have amazing friends who stepped up to let me stay with them. I can do this. So can you. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1098,"Title: Im happy I survive another year Text: Merry Christmas For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1099,"Title: Today is tough Text: The night before yesterday, my psychologist called the police because I was nearing suicide. It was the scariest moment of my life. I came out to the courtyard and was greeted by 6-7 heavily armed police and two doctors. They took me in the ambulance to the hospital. I was let go and had to walk home since I didn't have time to grab my wallet before they came. Yesterday, my psychologist forced me to get checked into a clinic or they would contact my employer. I went to the hospital but was discharged. I am home now. I don't have anyone to talk to. My psychologist was the only one I could call when I was struggling, but that have told me they will call 911 if I call them again and say I am struggling with suicidal tendencies. I have a rope in my room and I am feeling so close to using it. Maybe I will find the strength tonight, but I don't think so. I just wanted someone to know, even a stranger online. I'm sorry. I don't have anyone else I can tell. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1100,"Title: any good distraction methods? Text: I really really really wanna fucking cut I don't know what to do For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1101,"Title: I am so shit at my new job and every little ‘reminder’ group email our boss sends us on ‘how to improve’ drives me more and more into my feelings of worthlessness Text: I work in a warehouse job for a bookstore, we do a lot of pick, patch, dispatch and so on type of work. Every time my boss sends our team an email on what we’re doing wrong or what we need to improve on, it’s always stuff I did wrong during my last shift or whatever. Always shit that I did. I can’t cut picking slips correctly. I can’t sort picking slips fast enough. I’m not picking enough books at a time from the floor. I’m leaving too many picking slips in the basket when I’m done. I’m leaving picking baskets in the wrong places. I just feel so shit. With every shift and every new task I learn, there’s like ten ways I’ll be able to fuck it up and get indirectly called out on it. It’s so fucking hard. I’m so tired and depressed and obviously it’s affecting my performance. My team doesn’t know shit, my boss doesn’t know shit. They all just probably think I’m a lazy slack off. I feel so betrayed because someone obviously had to report that I was doing a shit job. So now I feel like my whole team collectively hates me and is pitted against me. I can’t fucking stand it. I feel like they all see me as an inconvenience. I’m trying my fucking best. Everything’s so hard. And no one fucking gets it. I despise that they probably just think I’m a lazy piece of shit. Everything is an effort and everything hurts. But I still have to push so fucking hard to appease everyone. I can’t trust anyone. How can they not see how fucking depressed I am. Why do they just assume I’m intentionally trying to slack off. I can’t take it. It feels like everything is closing in around me. I hate this. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1102,"Title: Feeling it hard after leaving Text: TLDR: Miss my ex after breaking up with him, struggling with panic attacks, loneliness, any advice? Umm so I left my bf and we are in limited contact. After the break up there were a few issues with the way he acted/things he said, but we were able to be civil after he sobered up, bc he gave me apologies that my therapist had said before are real and meaningful, with measured steps (something he has never done with me). I miss him more than I thought was possible. My body aches, my mind only thinks of him. I just cry all the time or watch tv to pass the time, but I cant even organize my stuff after moving it from our once shared place. It feels like we're breaking up all over. It hasnt been long but I just want to speed through it all. I'm numb except when I'm triggered or miss him then I'm crying/anxiety/panic attacks alone and in public etc. I'm also dealing with severe depersonalization which is really really hard for me. I've been talking with friends weekly and seeing a therapist weekly and it just feels like my ""cup"" has a whole it in at the bottom. When I'm alone, I spiral and fight with myself about my decision. My friends and family are supportive of me and are so happy that I left....but I just want to go back sometimes bc I miss him and other times I cry bc no one where I'm at will hurt me when they get drunk and I haven't had that in so long. It doesn't help my clarity that he is literally being the best man, actually doing the difficult things that he said he was going to do, aggressively trying to prove that he can be the best man for me. I don't feel like myself, hell I don't even know who i am anymore. I'm just getting deeper and deeper into numbness. My therapist suggested we keep our sessions at once a week, instead of twice like I feel like I need right now. I feel like I'm too much for everyone but him. Thanks for reading. Please anything to help, if I go back and he escalates like everyone says...then he'll kill me next time. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1103,"Title: How can I give away my possessions without tipping off my friends about my plan? Text: I have some things that would be really appreciated by some of my friends and are useless to my family, but how can I give them away without it being obvious why? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1104,"Title: Does anyone else feel like quality of life is one of the major causes of mental health problems but nobody seems to talk about that part? Text: There's a lot of people who struggle hard just to have the most basic comforts in life. Food, shelter, peace are all simple things that everybody should have but many people fight hard to get. That definitely plays a huge role is people who have depression, anxiety, stress, guilt and those types of things could snowball into more serious issues. IMO quality of life is what drives a lot of people to the state of mind where they could end up as some under achieving individual who has settled for a mediocre life instead of pursuing higher goals or a homicidal/suicidal person or anything in between. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1105,"Title: I went back once again because I’m a fking idiot Text: And of course, it ended in a shit storm, just like the cycle of abuse says I’m so angry I keep going back, I’m so much better than this but I feel so codependent and the separation anxiety is really intense After 3 hours of fighting (them hitting me, locking me in my bathroom, saying awful things to me, telling me they’re gonna kill themselves) I finally got them to leave with all their packed bags So for the first time ever all of their possessions are out of my house This seems better than the last time, their things are gone now and there’s no reason to see them anymore I just need strength to deal with the breakup, it’s too much For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1106,"Title: Male coworker made innapropriate comments at work- what do I do? Text: I wasn't sure where to post this so I hope this is the right place. So I've been at my current job for about 4 months now, and I have a coworker that I've begun to have issues with. I am 19 and female and he is 37 and male. At first we were really close and good friends, but as time went on and he got more comfortable he started sharing some really surprising, very misogynistic ideas with me; some of them involved underage relationships, others denying that women have ever been oppressed or abused historically speaking. He also started talking to me about wanting to have sex with previous coworkers (all early 20's) and calling them names like thot or whore and making ""jokes"" about manipulating them into sex. Until now, regardless of how gross any of it was to me, I chalked it up to him having a dark sense of humor or just disagreeing with me morally which is allowed. However, we had a conversation a few days ago that made me really uncomfortable and I don't know what to do. Somehow we ended up in this conversation about sexual harassment and consent and he was saying how he felt like consent and sexual assault is a gray area and that it's rediculous how everyone obsesses over asking for consent and that it's not ""sexy"", and that some women WANT you to touch them without permission and be aggressive-- and then, I guess in an attempt to ""teach"" me about how the world works, he said ""did you know that if I said something sexual to you at work or touched you sexually at work, I couldn't get fired or in trouble because you couldn't establish/ prove that you didn't want it until afterwards. So I couldn't get in trouble unless I did it a second time."" This was obviously very troubling to me. Even though I know he would likely never do anything to me physically it made me feel weird that he said he thought he could touch me sexually at work without getting in trouble. I talked to a coworker and she said I should tell my assistant manager who was at work that day so I did, and she said we'd have to tell the store manager about it. I am feeling anxious because I don't know if I did the right thing telling my manager. Yes, it was a weird thing for him to say and it made me uncomfortable, but did he really brea any rules? Did I over react? I know he won't get in trouble and I'm hoping my managers won't even speak to him about it, I just wanted them to know if happened in case it happens again. I was just trying to do what I felt was right and stand up for myself but now I'm worried I shouldn't have said anything. What do you think? Did I do the right thing? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 1107,"Title: I don’t even know why I’m crying Text: It’s always at night no matter what I’m doing I just get this ache like I’m missing someone or something For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1108,"Title: I don’t know anymore. Text: hi, I won’t reveal names or anything cause it’s not important. well yesterday was really weird my boyfriend was in a horrendous mood and we we’re at his house and we had to leave and while we were leaving I accidentally stared at him and he started yelling at me and started saying “what the f are you looking at, huh?” Several times. And guess who was outside? His mom. Keep that in mind for now. So my boyfriend always tells me he wants to become a better man for me and he wants to be better than his father, he doesn’t like him because of how abusive he is towards him and back then towards his mom. His dad used to physically harm his mom and he would always see that but couldn’t do anything. He said that he doesn’t want to be like him and wants us to be a good couple well it’s all shit, literally. Anyway, let’s go back to when I saw his mom outside coming home from work, she greeted me and smiled and I smiled too and here comes her son yelling at me, still, in front of mom. I turned to her cause I was so embarrassed and scared she saw us like this...the only thing she did was look scared and looked away and went into the house while I was still being verbally abused. I was hoping she’d say something but nothing. I was terrified because this hasn’t been the first time, I wanna say this has been the 110th time, i don’t know, I lost count. Anyway, he didn’t care he did that in front of his mom, I thought you wanted to become better. Anyway, he got into the car and he threw the keys at me so I can catch them like a dog I guess and that’s when it became worse. He started belittling me and abusing me and screaming at the top of his lungs at me and told me to start driving. And when I didn’t know where he wanted me to go he said “ I DONT GIVE A F!!” and I suggested a place and that was it, that was the cherry on top. He blew up, he told me I was stupid, an idiot, a r word, a bitch and yup everything else. I started to get nervous and I was tearing up and there he goes there first hard slap, that’s when I start crying and he screams at me some more and then about 2 more minutes of being verbally abused there it goes, the first (and most painful) punch right on my eye and it knocked me out for a good 2 seconds I swear I didn’t know what happened and everything was fuzzy. I started to bawl, and he told me to shut up and I was shaking so much holding my face and he told me not to if I didn’t want another punch to the other eye. And yes, the bruising was almost immediate. I started getting a huge knot around my eye and it was so painful. I got to a Walmart and parked up and I started to kindly panic and I couldn’t make my eyes stop watering and my nose to stop running. He told me I have an hour to get him so money and me being me wanting to avoid things getting worse I got money working 20 minutes. And the rest is history. Oh, yeah and like everything else he then told me he didn’t deserve me and I just was so poker faced. I am more bummed out that his mom didn’t say anything, I don’t know. I have the fastest black eye, my first ever. He’s never hit me this hard. But those other ones weren’t lightly either, so you can guess how this one felt. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1109,"Title: To the boss I had at my first job Text: My first job was as a waitress in a small Thai restaurant. The owner was a small Thai woman who took no shit and would often help the waitstaff on busy nights. When I first started self harming, I would really just scratch my skin until I bled. When she saw my arms, she took me away from the front desk and sat me down at a table. She proceeded to apply medicine to the wounds and bandage them carefully, all the while telling me that she knew I was so much better than this and that I was strong enough to stop. I cried silently as she encouraged me and took care of me. To this day, that is still the most heartwarming thing anyone has done for me in regards to my self harm. I'll never forget that small act of kindness. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 1110,"Title: I was gang raped Text: I’m going to tell the story as best as I can. Last night around 10ish pm, my boyfriend (M25) and I (F21) were preparing for bed, my boyfriend was in the living room and I was in the bedroom, when we heard knocks at the door. I came out of the bedroom and my boyfriend was already looking out of the peephole, then I took a look & saw two white males and they were saying “maintenance, maintenance. There’s a leak going to the first floor” We looked at each other. My boyfriend whispered that maybe the leak was from our shower, so he opened the door... They both walked in and asked where our bathroom was located, boyfriend took them there. One of them turned around and pulled a gun out. I was absolutely terrified and I started to scream when the other one grabbed me and put his hand over my mouth. They brought us back to the living room and asked for whatever money that we had, we gave them whatever we could find. The guy without the gun pulled my robe off and told me to lay down. Both of them took turns gang raping me for 20 mins, and made my boyfriend watch, while the gun was pointed directly at his face. After they did whatever they wanted, they left. We reported the incident to the police and all they did was take our descriptions and a couple of statements about the perps and that’s about all. My boyfriend is an absolute mess and keeps apologizing to me over and over again and crying. I know it’s not his fault that it happened. We’re just trusting people and didn’t think our night would end like it did. We’ve both just been sitting in silence all day. I’m really confused. I’ve never been this scared and shocked in my entire life. I don’t know what’s it’s gonna take for us to move past this. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_ongoing Question 1111,"Title: Existing is Exhausting Text: It’s been 5 months since I left my NARC (narcissistic abuser) and DV (domestic violence) relationship. The struggle is real. Packed my car to the max, left room for my bearded dragon and dog.Trauma recovery is a full time job - group therapy, individual therapy, support groups, daily movement, self care, be kind to yourself…..etc. I’m exhausted. Sometimes I think it would have been better if I let him kill me. Gone are the days of being submissive and pleading for my life; yet I can’t escape his dark eyes strangling me and saying “No one will care if you die”. Did I mention my Mother and sisters believe him? Leaving him was half the battle, My mother and sister have been trolling my Venmo; messaging my friends- speaking their narrative. I could write a novel on my relationship between my mother and sisters; for another day… Existing is exhausting. Every moment of every day is a challenge. All I want to do is crawl into a ball with a bottle of whiskey and pray for daylight. I’m tired of fighting, explaining, providing proof that I'm not crazy and what really happened. Thank you for reading. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","domesticviolence_past, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 1112,"Title: Walking away from 10 years Text: Yesterday my husband got mad at me for not receiving my texts due to poor cell service. I had chosen the cellular provider so anytime this happens it's always my fault. I had asked him to buy groceries, he walked into the home and threw them at me. I told him I should just take him off the plan so he can find one he likes. I had recommend this countless times when I was blamed for the cell service and he never took the offer. He rebuffed with taking me off of his insurance since we're ""threatening"" each other. I told him his actions were boardline abusive. He accused me of being emotionally abusive because I don't speak to him when I'm upset. I do clam up when I'm sad or depressed but I'm the one that pulls myself out of that pit, he's never done anything remotely helpful or considerate when I feel that way and it baffles me that it affects him at all. I always apologize for my behavior and make sure to let him know it's not his fault. We argued more and he threw his lunch across the room and yelled ""maybe I am abusive!"" and left. I called a hotline, and realized there has been other instances of emotional and financial abuse. I'm staying with my parents, we have two kids together. It's almost been 24 hours and there's nothing coming from his end. I feel like I'm in a strange place. I'm not sure where else to go from here. He was my high school sweetheart. We've been together for ten years. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1113,"Title: Depression habits Text: I have kind of given up on ever truly being out of my depression. Its always there in lowkey tones but whenever I really get into a spiral, I game. I game at home neglecting my kitties, I game at work neglecting my work. My question is: what do you do when you're spiraling? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1114,"Title: My Boss Commented on my Scars Today... Text: For a little background, I work at homedepot in the seasonal department. I was typing something into the computer and my manager just looked down at my arm and said ""Damn. Your arm..."" I was so shocked and embarassed I had no idea what to say. He then said ""well I mean I guess it comes with the job."" Then I got really confused because what does SH have to do with working at home depot? I've had nothing but positive experiences working here so I didn't understand. Then he went on to talk about how prickly and dangerous the rose bushes are. ... Man thought my Scars were from roses. I will have you all know I did not correct him as I saw this as wholesome. Anyone who would know anything about SH would know instantly what they are; to think this man has just never encountered that kind of darkness was so endearing to see. I was shaking for a solid 30 minutes after that. I was so scared he was pointing out my mental illness there. Phew. Close one. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 1115,"Title: Why does my mom do theses things? Text: Im going to write this hear bc i dont want to burden any of my friends or anything, make them feel bad, upset etc. And maybe someone here might help me to understand better. Im 15 afab and i identify as non-binary. I have struggled with sh since the 5th grade on and off and im now in 10th and i just recently told my mom about it. (I also have been diagnosed with ptsd and bulimia and go to therapy)At first she acted super supportive of me and got me help and such but after a little while she started telling me things like “i need to stop” and “im gonna regret this when i get older bc no man wants a scarred up body like mine” and very hurtful things that trigger me to relapse. She never went out of her way to go through my room and take away all the things i use to hurt myself with, but my sister is a drug addict with mania and as soon as she found out she deep cleaned her room making sure she cant use again. And im happy for my sister but it makes me think that my mom doesnt care about me or my mental health at all. I want to tell her things ofc but she tells me im selfish for doing it, tells me im the most selfish person ever for being as suicidal as i am. Well maybe if she would put in just a little more effort in showing me she actually cares maybe id be able to stop, but she doesnt. She calls me a fatass and pig all the time, when she knows how i feel about things like that but she doesnt seem to care, or really remember. But if she wont even remember how i feel i truly believe she doesnt care at all. And i have two younger step sisters and they are both 7. One of them constantly ask about my scars and i have no clue how to explain to a child that i cant fathom being alive and deal with my emotions like a normal person and my mother has put me through so much trauma i resort to cutting and burning myself bc i feel like if i try to tell someone im just going to burden them. And my mom tells me i wont be able to tell them its just cat scratches forever and ofc i know this but its much more easier said to do that then she thinks. She is also severely traumatized and has bipolar disorder but claims shes “fine”. Ofc i know she has bipolar disorder bc she has extreme highs and lows on the daily and who does she decide to take this out on? Me. And maybe she doesn’t know or realize but the littlest things trigger me so ofc her saying so many things back to back are going to make me feel some type of way. I have no idea what to say to her when she does these things either i just sit there and take the beating. But maybe im just overreacting these things and im actually all the things she says. I have no idea bc one half of me believes and the other doesn’t. Idk what to do i just want my mom to understand but if i tell her any of these things shed get pissed off at me and tell me im a burden. I dont wanna blame it on her but i feel like she is part of the problems and she doesn’t do anything to help. Im not sure but she makes me feel like shit and i have no clue what to do to make her stop without her getting mad at me. I just have no idea what to do so maybe someone here can help me understand better. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 1116,"Title: my note Text: This is for everyone I love. To my parents I love you and I'm sorry. I know you must be disappointed. Do what's best for you and please talk to someone about this. This isn't yours or anyone's fault. I was sick. I had been for a very long time. Longer than I ever let anyone know. That was on me and no one else. You were wonderful parents and gave me everything and every opportunity. I'm sorry again and I hope you can move past this and find the best of me that went to my boys and do your best to be a part of their lives. I love you. To my oldest I'm sorry I wasn't a better dad. You deserved better than me.  You're a great kid and I'm sorry I won't be there to see the wonderful man you will grow up to be. I'm proud of you and everything that you are. I hope when you think of me you can see past this and remember some of the good things I did and fun times we had. Please take care of your mom and little brother. They'll need you. And someday when you're a dad, be the best of me and learn from the worst of me. I love you kiddo To my youngest Im sorry Buddy. I know that doesn't mean anything. But I am sorry. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone or anything ever. Your letter was the hardest to write. I wanted to be here for you. I tried to be here for you. Daddy was just really sick. More sick than anyone knew and I'm really sorry I can't be around anymore. The day you were born was the happiest day of my life and I wouldn't have traded a single second with you for anything in the world. You have always been my greatest joy. I want you to grow up and be happy. Live a good, full life and make lots of friends and keep everyone you love close to you. I love you buddy bear To my wife I'm sorry I wasn't what you wanted, needed or deserved. When you find someone else I hope they are all those things. Just make sure whoever it is that they treat you well and treat the boys well For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1117,"Title: What are some clear signs of being sexually harassed if it's never happened to me before Text: I'm male and my female boss flirts with me, touches me and has used some innuendos in our conversations at a temporary to hire job i have, are these some clear signs things are out of hand ? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 1118,"Title: how do i cope? Text: I was raped to starwars and as im sure everyone knows starwars is EVERYWHERE. i get triggered multiple times a day by seeing it and honestly it sucks so so bad. but what I'm more worried about is the future. i want to have kids but I don't think that within the next 5-10 years starwars is gonna die down that much. what do i do when my kids inevitably find out about starwars. what do i do when their friends want to take them to see it. what if my kids end up with ADHD like me and hyperfixate on it. do i just shove it down? i can't ban it, not only would not be ineffective but also just unreasonable. at one point theyre gonna ask. if i push it down what do i do when theyre old enough to know? do i tell them theyve been bringing up the movie series i was raped to? do i make them feel guilty for putting me through that as a kid? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1119,"Title: found out I am pregnant with my rapist's baby Text: i haven't got out of bed all day except to use the toilet and haven't eaten need someone to talk to For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1120,"Title: never got caught Text: I was raped on a cruise ship and those rapists never got caught For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1121,"Title: TW (self harm rant) Text: ive been self harming for about a year now and over the last few months ive gotten quite a few scars. thry usally fade out in a few months maybe 2 or 3 but whenever they do fade out i feel horible as if im not doing it ""bad"" enough. Everytime i see them fading out i always have this horrible urge to just cut cut cut. I recently just relapsed maybe a month ago and i cant stop cutting. No matter how much i try i cant keep clean anymore. When i see my wrist my cuts i did about a month ago are still healing but i can see most wont leave a scar. On top of ecerything one of my friends isnt texting me because they think i need time to get better mentally which makes me feel even worse about everything. If my parents find out im cutting myself again im going to get sent to the psych ward for who knows how long. I have avout 130 cuts on both my wrists and i feel so helpless. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1122,"Title: Lonely in a room full of people. Text: Thinking about the loneliness that has come along with being in an abusive relationship. Though I know I have loved ones who care about my wellbeing, I refuse to talk to anyone in my personal life about what I'm going through. I'm really not ready to open up about my abuse to anyone yet. The only one to 'comfort' me after a physical altercation is my abuser. There are many instances where he's consoling me after making me his victim. The one that sticks out to me the most is after one of the scariest, more brutal incidents. After facing my mortality, I was crying pretty uncontrollably to myself in bed. After some time, he came and laid with me and held me as I cried. He drew me a bath and we soaked together as tears silently fell down my face. No words needed to be said, we both knew that submitting to his care was the only option. I can't even begin to put into words the flurry of feelings I was feeling in these moments. Confusion, sadness, anger, guilt(?!), the list goes on. He is the most gentle, kind person when he wants to be. On the other hand, when he's angry he is cruel, evil, and LOUD. He has these crazy eyes that come out and I know there's no going back when he flashes them my way. The ups and the downs are so disorienting, I feel like sometimes I've barely gotten back up before I'm knocked back down to earth. Honestly, I'm so confused. How can someone profess their love for me in one breath then have the willingness to choke the life out of me with the next? Now, I'm having to reschedule seeing friends and family because of noticeable bruising on my face and body. Which is only growing even more separation between myself and loved ones. I'm not really looking for advice, I just miss my friends. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1123,"Title: how long is self harm supposed to bleed for ? Text: using a throw away account to ask this but, I did styros, there is about 7 or 8 of them and they're all gaping and they were bleeding pretty bad. i put gauze and a compression bandage after washing them on and there's like no blood seeping through but every time I take it off to check the blood starts pooling again. It has been a few hours. is this normal or should I go to the ER? I am worried to go to the ER because I am still with my parents and this would devastate them, also its my moms birthday and I don't think this is the surprise my mother would want. There's no arterial spurting or anything just a slow oozing of blood every time I check but is this normal? This is the most I've bled EVER in 9 years of doing this so I am concerned For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1124,"Title: Being Judged Text: I’m an introvert and don’t I know it. Everywhere I go I feel like I’m being judged simply for being me. I may not look like I’m looking to engage with people but when engaged with I’m polite and respectful and as far as I’m concerned an interesting person to engage with. Yesterday, where I live my neighbour rang my doorbell to alert me to the fact that my door on my car had been left open. When I answered she was in her house so obviously rang the bell and went back into her home leaving this guy visiting her to tell me. It’s like the guy opposite to me, ever since I commented how big his shed is in his garden and he took this to mean I thought it was too big and blocking my view has never engaged with me since. I get fed up with feeling like I’m being judged all the time, I mean ok I do like my own company of course but I’m not some anti social, miserable person that should be avoided. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1125,"Title: Playing with his gun when we argue. Text: My husband is a police officer. He’s inseparable from his service weapon. And anytime we argue or I do something that makes him mad he’ll just fiddle with it or tap it. It makes any confidence I have crumble away and I just become putty in his hands. I know he could kill me at anytime if he wants to. And I don’t think he ever really will, but it always feels like the threat is there. I don’t know. I hate this the most of all the things he does to me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1126,"Title: Possible sexual harassment from my boss Text: Hey guys, I just started working at a small family owned business in California. The founders/owners are retiring and the son has taken over. My boss (the son) is always scratching his junk around me, the other day, as he was talking to me, he put his hand on his chest and slowly went towards his junk and grabbed it. Its been going on for a few months now, enough for me to not make eye contact when he talks to me because he makes me feel uncomfortable. He has also been getting really close to me, and not really respecting my personal space boundary. I havent said anything because I wasn't sure it was harassment. BUT the other day, he came super close to me while I was sitting at my desk and I could feel his junk on my elbow. Guys, I froze and just slowly moved my elbow away. It's mostly men at the company and none of them act that way. This has happened all too fast and I'm almost thinking it's some power move from a man who thinks he's untouchable. We're about the same age too. He's a dirt bag IMO. I need advice. One other question I do have is, can I legally video record when he's in my office? I know voice recording requiers consent. There are cameras everywhere in and outside the office but he always seems to do these things near the blind spots. Thanks in advance :) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 1127,"Title: How should I support my online friend who has given up? Text: Five years ago, I made a friend on this subreddit while I was in high school, they are the same age as me but 8,000 miles away. In many ways, it feels we have grown up together from our daily calls and texts, supporting each other over the years, through the good and the bad. We have grown super close, and over the past five years my life has changed drastically for the better. My friend doesn't feel like their life has gotten better despite them trying so hard and I don't know how to tell them about my life anymore. I don't want to be the person who brags, and I have lost a lot of friends due to my tremendous luck; ivy league education, dream job, model boyfriend, exotic traveling, and financial stability at a young age. I deeply love and care about my friend, I'd help them financially in a heart beat, and would donate my kidney to them if they ever needed it. They have dropped out of college, given up on learning, and lay in bed all day long. I feel drained talking to them sometimes as I am worried about them and it hurts to see them like that. I don't want to wake up and have them not their, which is one of my greatest fears. I have listened for years, and I don't want to lose them, what do I do? I don't know the answer to their problems. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1128,"Title: What to say at a and e? Text: On my way to a and e, what do i say to the receptionist? I feel like approaching and juat kind of being like ""hey im suicidal and want to self harm"" is a bit awkward For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 1129,"Title: Help Text: I am scared of myself because I’m suicidal but I don’t know how to ask for help and I’m scared of what I might do to myself For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1130,"Title: I do not Know how to Start. Text: I don't even know how to start. I'm in my mid-20s now and have never had any real contact with women. My studies and work have always had involuntary priority. I would just like to be hugged by a woman. But I don't want the person to think that I want to take advantage of them and have any sexual expectations. I'm really much too shy for that. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1131,"Title: I’m struggling and need support Text: I’m 39yrs old and also 34 weeks pregnant. Last night, after I asked him to calm down because he was getting upset about a game in his phone, he told me I was worthless, called me a c***, spat on me and punched me in the head 4 times. We’ve been together 19 months and live together. I have two older kids from a previous relationship and never ever thought I’d be in this position. He is a narcissist and I am scared to leave as he owes me over $100,000. Whenever we have a disagreement he degrades me, mocks me and belittles me. At times I feel so low and don’t want to be here. I have reached out for mental health support through the hospital. I feel so scared at the possibility of starting over again with a newborn at this stage of my life, alone. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","domesticviolence_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 1132,"Title: how to you cope with strong urges/triggers even when nothing is wrong? Text: i've been struggling a lot lately with lots of triggering thoughts and urges (i.e. using my pencil sharpener, since that was one of my main tools before i started trying to get clean of sh). they come basically out of nowhere, i don't even need to be sad or depressed or feeling negatively, i just think about it in such great detail and it makes me want to relapse. i am aware that this has turned into an addiction for me over the years, it's all just so stressful and it interrupts my daily life to such an extent that i had to get rid of my pencil sharpeners and i only allow myself to use scissors in front of other people. i don't know how to cope with these. i try drawing, writing, talking to people, but it just stays there like one of my PTSD flashbacks, and it really bothers me. (no advice is necessary, this is more of a vent/rant, but if you've found anything that helps you i'm open to hearing suggestions.) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1133,"Title: I’m thinking of weening myself off of self harm. Text: So I don’t know if it would work 😂 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1134,"Title: 13 hour girl update :( Text: So I recently made a post about being 13 hours clean and you guys were so incredibly sweet it motivated me to stay clean but unfortunately I cut again about twenty min ago :( I made it three days and I relapsed because I was a little sad and overwhelmed anyway hope you guys are doing better than me ❤️❤️❤️ For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1135,"Title: overwhelmed Text: I’m really overwhelmed and I don’t know what to do. It’s like, this week is going to be fucking shit and I just need a break already. I feel like all I want to do is lay in bed and cry and cry and cry but I can’t, I don’t have time to sink into it so I’m having to fucking schedule Friday in as my shit breakdown day. I’m just constantly running out of time and I’m so tired. I really want to cut. Badly. I don’t know what to do. I want to carve my veins from out of my arms and bleed out. I just need someone to hold me and tell me it’s going to be okay but there’s no one. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_active_ongoing" Question 1136,"Title: My unique coping method Text: instead of cutting I take a pen and square piece of paper ( which you can either buy or make quite easily [https://www.instructables.com/Make-a-rectangle-paper-to-a-square-paper/](https://www.instructables.com/Make-a-rectangle-paper-to-a-square-paper/)) I write down or draw everything that is wrong with my life onto it. sometimes its just one sentence, other times I fill it the paper completely. then I make origami out of it the process of taking something so ugly and painful and turning it into something pretty like a flower is immensely therapeutic for me. I personally don't think it's healthy for me to keep the origami once I've made it, just a constant reminder of that moment of my life when I felt that way makes me feel worse. its also not the sort of thing I would want other people finding. you can keep yours if you do try this, or throw them away, whatever works best for you. to get rid of mine I find burning or shredding very cathartic but that's just me. ​ if you do end up trying this and not finding it helpful I'm sorry, I hope you can find a way that works for you. ​ ​ \-some sad kid online For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1137,"Title: My parent don't seem to understand why I'm uncomfortable with showing them my arms Text: (For context my mom is pretty ignorant about a lot of things, especially self harm so I don't really blame her for anything she says she doesn't know any better) My parents know that I used to self harm but didn't really know if I still did. They asked me if I still did a couple hours ago and of course I lied and said I didn't because I don't feel comfortable talking to them about it. Then my mom asks if she can see my arms and I tell them I don't feel comfortable with that (which even if I didn't self harm for a while I still wouldn't be comfortable showing my scars to anyone). My dad then says that because I don't want to show them it means I still do (my dad thinks he knows everything about mental health because he used to be a chemist and worked with patients in a terminal hospital as well as doing a couple of minutes of research on self harm which he didn't really even know about before he learned I cut myself) I tell them again that I don't anymore and I just don't feel comfortable with it and my dad then goes onto say that ""it would make us half if you showed us and you have a doctor's appointment in 2 weeks so we'll find out then anyways"" pretty much a giant fuck you , we don't care if your uncomfortable or not as long as we feel better about ourselves. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1138,"Title: I filed the restraining order today. Text: It’s been 5 months since I left. He found out I’m seeing someone. He came to my house drunk in the night, set a gift on fire that I gave him a couple years ago, and put it under my windshield wiper. My family found it. He then proceeded to send me threatening angry ranting texts. I emailed him that I was filing the restraining order and police report and he begged and pleaded that I would ruin his life. I did it anyway. Now I have to see him in court. After escaping, I wasn’t scared until now. Now I’m terrified. Any wisdom? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1139,"Title: Getting worse again Text: I’m still shattered when this happens. Living with a constant baseline of depression and anxiety is bad enough, but having a severe depressive episode on top of that is too much. When I’m this depressed I can’t access any enjoyment, I can’t remember how I ever improved from similarly horrible episodes. People want to support me but I can’t stand to be around anyone. My relationships suffer, and I get further away from reality. Please help. I don’t know what to do For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1140,"Title: I finally had a realization about my urges to retraumatize myself Text: TW: discussion of self harm, childhood sexual abuse Whenever I get triggered I have the urge to go put myself in danger to be raped again. It actually ended up getting me raped twice in the past and even though it hurt for weeks and I didn’t enjoy it, I still have the urge. I’ve thought for so long that it’s just me being an icky person. Or that maybe I’m actually asking for it. But today I finally realized, it’s just another self harm urge. It feels the same way that my urges to cut myself or burn myself do. It’s just a familiar form of harm. I guess my struggle is just that I wish that my brain would register that what happened was bad. I wish I could remember the pain of someone holding me down and raping me roughly without the times they were gentle and I orgasmed. I know it wasn’t my choice. I know I said no. I know an orgasm can be involuntary. Logically, I know this. But it hurts that when I was betrayed by someone I trusted that my body ended up betraying me too. It’s so nonsensical. I think “what sort of child orgasms by being anally gang raped?” And I know the answer. Any child. Any child who was groomed and manipulated. It could happen to an adult too. It could happen to anyone. Bodies do things. But logic brain and emotion brain don’t work together. At least I have this realization. It’s a small step. But it helps. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, rape_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 1141,"Title: Raped by stalker Text: Throwaway account because my attacker knows me and would love to read this. I'm new to reddit. I'm reading stories here of what happened to other women, and I feel like I need to share mine. Talking through this has helped me before. I was raped three years ago in my apartment by a stalker I didn't know I had. I haven't the slightest idea who he was, but he said he'd had his eye on me for months. It was horrific, but I'll admit it could have been worse. I cringe from these postings of pain from dry penetration, etc. and think how I had it comparatively easy. He wanted us to ""make love"" (his words). He was very gentle about it and never physically injured me (he even used lube). My sense of time was distorted, but I think it went on for an hour. He was enjoying every second, and he wanted me to know it and ""share"" his pleasure. I felt like I was a sex toy to him. I just wanted it over, but he took his time. The absolute worst, most sickening part was toward the end when the sensation started. I was horrified. I can't describe this in words, but my entire existence was dedicated to not having an orgasm. I don't think he could have realized this then, but he definitely knew when it happened. I did everything I could to hide it, but my body gave it away. His reaction was sheer ecstasy of conquest. I'll never forget how satisfied he looked at that moment and then a few minutes later when he finished. In therapy I learned it's not uncommon to have such an experience. There's huge guilt because we wonder if we actually enjoyed our rape and won't admit it. I still haven't gotten over this. I've had sex many times with my new boyfriend since then, but I cannot let him bring me to climax. I'm not ready to relive that yet. I'm afraid I would end up disgusted with myself again. I'm also afraid he's still watching me. I have nothing to support this fear, but the way he enjoyed the experience makes me believe he'd get sick satisfaction out of seeing me and knowing how he'd gotten what he wanted. I wish I could move away, but this is my home. Thanks for letting me share this. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1142,"Title: Do I legitimately have feelings for him? Or just contempt? Text: Ever since I was a little girl, I dreamed of falling in love. He didn't have to be super good looking, rich, or popular. All that mattered was that I loved him, and he loved me. I admit, I clung onto this fantasy tighter than the average person because I had no one to turn to. I was bullied at school for my introverted personality, and if I told my parents about it, they'd blame me for it. They hated that I wasn't more popular. On days that were extra hard, I'd cry myself to sleep and sing to myself ""someday, my prince will come"". I met a guy, who I had a genuinely good connection with. Everything was so easy. Our conversations flowed together, and time moved both fast and slow, but in the very best way. I wanted to be next to him forever. Three days after meeting, he told mutual friends in secret that he liked me. I wasn't supposed to know, but they went and told me. I asked him about it, and he told me that he had a girlfriend. After that, he cut off all contact with me. I understand why; it wouldn't have been right for him to cheat on her with me, and it was best to be safe than sorry. Still, all my hopes and dreams were shattered. I know it should give me comfort that they only broke up two months after he and I met. It should comfort me that literal days after the breakup, he started looking at my social media videos and posts all the time, despite not following each other on anything. It's been years, and he still is always one of the first people to see my posts. But it doesn't comfort me at all. People who know the situation speculate that he thinks that he's ruined things. If that's what he thinks, he's not wrong. Ruined, destroyed, obliterated. They might as well all be the same word. When I was presented the hope of something romantic with him, I was walking in the clouds. Finally, the dream I had been hoping for all my life had come true. But he let me fall. He let me hit every branch on the way down. He knew full well that I did nothing to him, and still, he let me pay the consequences for his actions. I want a fairy tale, and he could never give me that. I will never be able to date, let alone marry him, knowing that at one point, despite having genuine feelings for me, he still preferred someone else over me. Tl;dr: my first love was a guy in a relationship who threw me under the bus to preserve that relationship. It didn't matter that I was deceived, whether he meant to do that or not. Even after breaking up with her, he still doesn't pursue me. Even though I have all the reason to hate him, a part of me still longs for his touch, for his smile. I have to live with that. Every. Single. Day. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1143,"Title: Anyone use butterfly bandages? Text: I bought some to try since I’m starting to hit beans and my normal non stick dressing and tape isn’t really cutting it. I tried to use one but it wouldn’t hold it closed. I really want to avoid stitches since no one irl knows I’ve gotten bad again. Maybe they aren’t meant for cuts so deep? Maybe I’m dumb? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1144,"Title: My sister just exposed me Text: So, my grandmother was over to pick up a knife sharpener we were using, and then I remembered my knives downstairs. I haven’t cut in a long while, but they were dull and I just wanted to sharpen them. So, I asked my dad if I could quickly sharpen them, and he asked me why and what I use them for. I responded that I just cut paper and stuff with them, and then my sister piped up and asked if I meant to say my arm. I had no idea she knew, even about me being depressed. It made me feel sick as everyone kind of gasped, but I had to awkwardly laugh as she smiled at me. I don’t really know what to do now, and I’m so mad. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 1145,"Title: My gf was just raped Text: Someone please fucking help. My gf just told me tonight that last weekend she went out with her new co workers after work for some drinks. Then she went to get an uber to go home and one of her male co workers said he was heading that way and could drop her off. Once they got to her house he turned super persistent on coming in and she kept saying no but she was scared it would turn violent because so she finally cracked and let it happen and he had his way with her and left. My fucking brain is running a mile a minute I have no idea what to think or do let alone help her at a time like this. I have to work tomorrow and I can't sleep I keep closing my eyes and having images of it happening to her and it drives me insane to think of her helpless while some other man is taking advantage of her. Please someone help me I don't know how to deal with this pain or help her deal with hers this is so much heavy shit I've probably had my 3rd panic attack ever in my life freaking out wanting to find this guy and put him in his place. She also has to fucking go back to her job and he works there even tho he is in a different department. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1146,"Title: It’s my birthday today, and I feel weird. Text: The birthday sadness is a real thing. I still young, but there’s always this weird reflection about how time pass. I don’t know if I have many friends or meaningful connections. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1147,"Title: I’m Almost Out Text: I’m really proud of myself. I made a plan. I told my friends. I put the plan out there in the universe and not just in my mind. Looking back - I could have been killed. The feeling of weight lifted from my shoulder when I came clean to my friends. All the “falls” - and unexplained bruise. I still live with my abuser - but I have a plan. I’d like to take that as a win. I’m glad I came to the realization myself… Is it bad that I don’t feel guilty or anything at all? I’m happy - my friends have commented that I sound happy For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1148,"Title: Why do people tell you ""you're an amazing person"" then ghost you? Text: I've gotten this a few times lately and people who I give my all to and really care about just dip out after saying ""you're amazing"" "" I don't deserve you"" type lines. Like clearly I'm not amazing enough to keep in your life. Edit: thank you everyone for taking a moment to help and to those people who gave hugs and the gold. I don't deserve it but I appreciate it nonetheless. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1149,"Title: Feeling annoying to a person you care a lot about is the worst feeling ever... Text: Like idk if I ask if we’re cool, people always say sure, but when i text them, they reply like two hours later and it really makes it hard to keep up a conversation. I get that people have a life outside of me, but I wish we could go back to how we were in the beginning. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1150,"Title: I officially lost Text: My depression has been geting worse and nothing is helping I been going to therapy for so long but it's not help and it's just makeing me worse. I been now skipping classes and just day dreaming most of the time I'm not on my phone or sleeping I feel so alone and I don't know what to do. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1151,"Title: How do I overcome these negative thoughts Text: Whenever I am bored or stressed, I always think of something negative, like doing some imaginary conversation with a person I know spouting negative stuff, thinking that someone is cheating on me, or something like that. And to be honest, it is hard to control, and I want to overcome this. What are the things that I should do? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1152,"Title: Just a vent about feeling broken Text: Today was one of the random days where all the things I shove in the back of my mental library came up to the front and I just felt like napping and crying all day long. The actual good guy I’m seeing now came to hang out for some of it and I was just annoyingly (to me) deer in the headlights with him. I’m resentful that I can’t find the words in the moment with him, who I know is safe, understanding, and helpful. I get the sense it frustrates him because he feels powerless to help, which I don’t like making him feel. When I’m crying after he’s gone I wish I would have when he was here. But when he’s here I don’t want him to see me that broken. I don’t want to try to find words to describe what’s in my head because I don’t want him to picture me that way. I’m afraid I’ll seem like too much of a liability. I don’t want either of us to get annoyed at me for wasting time together. I want to be the one giving him peace when he sees me, not the other way around. I don’t know what the right answer to “are you okay?” is, because I know I’ll be okay, and I don’t know what can be done to speed up the process, so saying I’m not okay doesn’t feel useful. Even though he tells me it’s super obvious I’m not okay because I keep saving his shirt from mascara tears. Why do I just freeze instead of giving any real answer to what I want? The fingering felt slightly violating, not the sex though. Or not violating, just not reading the room? (This isn’t him being bad, he was trying for like 5 seconds to see if it would distract me, which the sex actually did.) Maybe because with the fingering the focus is on me, I feel to some extent like I have to perform. The sex felt safe, just like a deep hug, like as much as tightly pressing my eyes closed could make memories go away, tightly hugging him could too. I don’t want him to be frustrated at me that I couldn’t say all of this in the moment, and I don’t want him to be frustrated I impeded him from responding any better (I think he responded fine, but maybe he disagrees.) I’m unsure what more processing I can do or if these days will just always happen once in a while. All this stuff if years in the past, I’ve done therapy. The only thing I can’t do (and have tried) is speak out loud, in person, in detail, what happened. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1153,"Title: I’m too weak for the adult world Text: Drowning is how I’d like to go. Coincidentally, that’s how my granddad died, years and years before I was born. That connection (among other things, like the fear of that struggling feeling before I die) is what keeps me going. It‘d be cruel to my relatives, losing two people in the same fashion. I‘d have to kill myself and prevent them from ever finding out. Attach a note to my body, begging whoever is unlucky enough to come across me to keep quiet? Imagine. I’m 19. I don’t feel cut out for this world. I’ll never become what I want to be. I wasn’t built for it. What’s the point of waiting for the universe to off me itself? I can spare myself so much shit if I just leave now. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1154,"Title: Odd coworker Text: So I coworker of mine keeps asking me out and I don’t want to go out with him. (He is married.) He told a friend of mine all these comments about my body and my sexually. It’s inappropriate and I don’t know how to get him to stop talking about about me. He always makes me smile at him and he is always nice to me “face to face.” He makes comments about being my boyfriend and wanting to be my boyfriend. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 1155,"Title: joy over accomplishments - weird... Text: It seems like i should love this life, this body that is making me able to experience life. But it's so weird to like life just because of joy of experiencing it... It's weird that i don't have to be good or best at something to enjoy doing it. It's weird that I don't have to accomplish anything in life to enjoy living. For example i don't have to like my voice to enjoy singing and that's weird. It seems like i cannot be this creature that i should be. This creature seems so distant. Maybe its scary to lose your current self and change/be someone else - be this creature. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1156,"Title: how to not feel self conscious when going out with scars showing Text: so i‘m 9(almost 10) days clean.the family i live with(mom lil sis and lil bro) know i self harm so i don’t cover scars at home.everything is healed too so i don’t walk around with fresh stuff.it’s just,i want to go put in public with short sleeves.i‘ve done it i think 3 times and every time i felt on the verge of a panic attack.i‘m scared people think it looks weird or i look weird.it doesn’t make it better how bad my body image is and how much social anxiety i have.i feel like people think i‘m wanting attention or that my arm looks ugly.i just live in the south and it is at least 80° fahrenheit no matter the season,and i don’t want to be sweating my ass off because i‘m scared of what other people think about me.what should i do to make myself more confident in going out with my scars visible? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 1157,"Title: title Text: i’m so sick of living in this cycle every day is the same and i just can’t fucking do it anymore i’m so tired of living for other people i can’t do this anymore doing it tonight i’m taking these pills i can’t do this anymore For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1158,"Title: Why does no one love me? Text: … For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1159,"Title: Don't like interacting with anyone - am I weird? Text: Growing up (16-28), I would describe myself as extroverted, enjoyed people's company, having friends, doing social activities, entertaining the occasional romantic relationship. I'm now 30, would describe myself as strongly introverted, don't enjoy people's company, have either cut off or lost contact with nearly all my friends but one, don't ever do social activities, and have zero contact with members of the opposite sex. The majority of the time I enjoy this state of affairs, but occasionally (like now) I wonder if I'm a freak / weirdo / incel type. Thoughts? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1160,"Title: Help? Text: Don't know if I should put I trigger warning in front of it, but here it is. TW. So the couple last weeks are again the worst. And I never really cut myself or stuff but i scratch myself. But now I'm feeling so bad that i want to hurt myself, like cutting or burning. Does someone has a tip for me how to prevent this? How I can solve these thoughts? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1161,"Title: everything is ""fine"", so why am i still empty? Text: I've met a lovely girlfriend, never felt so loved before, everything is great when I'm with her. But when I'm not, it's all back to the same empty feeling. It really put into perspective how fucking unbearable the void I feel is. Self harmed today, even though I promised her I wouldn't do it again. She's going to see the cuts eventually, and I'll feel as if I let her down. Still want to off myself, but now that she's part of my life it makes it all so much more complicated. I'm neglecting my needs (eating, exercising, etc) and only ever feel happy with her nowadays. And I don't want her to feel the pain of loss, but I'm afraid of the day I'll lose it completely and end myself, I'm not sure where to go now. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 1162,"Title: do they know? Text: On a daily basis I think about my rapist, it's been over a year and it still affects me, I can't have sex it hurts and it makes me VERY uncomfortable, I just wanna know does he know what he did was fucked up? One day in February I believe, I thought I found him on Facebook he was on my friend suggestions, I texted him asking him if he knew James (which is his cousin who I believe set me up) he said ""James who?"" By the time I saw the message he had already blocked me, I wonder does he think it was me? Does he know he's a piece of shit? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1163,"Title: Resources for a male domestic violence victim? Text: My brother (41)was physically abused by his wife. It was pretty horrific...bruises, bite marks and she pushed him down the stairs twice. He then suffered a serious stroke. We will never know the cause, but it was a vertebral arterial dissection which is often caused by some sort of whiplash. Luckily, he's recovering well! Even after the stroke, the abuse continued and he finally asked our mother for help. The next day, on a follow up with his doctors, he finally admitted that he was being abused. He removed his shirt and showed his bruises. The medical team immediately put him in touch with a social worker and my family helped him get a court order against her. He's filed for divorce. We've set him up with a trauma therapist and he's embracing this, but I wanted to see if there are any recommended online resources (websites, forums, etc) specifically for male survivors of domestic violence. He's used a local shelter for some support services (mostly for his children) but he mentioned that he feels a little out of place (as a man). We (his family) don't live close and have all been taking turns spending time with him, pitching in with the kids and helping him navigate divorce, but I'd love to help him find a community so he feels less alone. He's a computer nerd so online is fine. Thanks for your ideas! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1164,"Title: i can’t do it anymore. can you give me one reason to be alive? Text: i have no positive traits at all. i have low IQ. i’m completely incompetent and i’m terrified of any sort of responsibility ever. it doesn’t matter how hard i try, i’m always met with failure. i have no skills, or talents what-so-ever. all of my passions rotten away. i’m tired of fighting, constantly. i’m weary and beaten down. and death looks like a nice, warm nap in the sun. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1165,"Title: Tinder account created impersonating me Text: I need any type of assistance or advice I can get. I have a harassment case that has been going on for a month. The most recent incident is that my harasser has made a Tinder account and is inviting people to come to my home address to solicit sexual services as if I am a prostitute. I have reported this to Tinder and hopefully, they can get it taken down, but the harasser will most likely make a new one. I have a detective that works my case, but they are off today and I can't reach them. I don't know what to do. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 1166,"Title: 'Urges' are felt as sensations in hands and not mental images? Text: I do picture SH a lot (often when I'm minding my business and trying to focus on my studies), but when I get the urge to punch, I feel a,, pink-orange feeling in my hands and the urge to clench my fist. Sorry for the weird description but I can't describe it as 'pinching' or 'tingling' or something, it literally feels pink-orange. Does anyone else feel SH urges as physical sensations? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1167,"Title: I have only 2 friends left, about to be down to zero. Pandemic has ruined all my years of social anxiety progress Text: **TLDR: lost my whole social network due to pandemic. Have only 2 friends left who live 4 hours away. One is about to be a first time mom and gonna lose her when baby born. Other friend is having full mental breakdown, gone full Qanon cult member, and verbally abuses me when I try to help. How do I cope with losing my last two lifelines** Pre 2020, I had a fulfilling social life and network from my college years and from work. (it was extremely hard to get to that point, I’ve had major social anxiety my whole life). And I still had a couple friends left from childhood/high school. Long story short, past 2 years I’ve lost contact after moving away from my college town and back to my shitty hometown. Also I had intentionally cut ties from a multiple close friends who became very toxic/started treating me like dog shit. Really seems like the pandemic brought out the true colors of a lot of people. I’m literally down to only two friends. They both live 4+ hours away. One of them is my best friend, but she’s pregnant and going to give birth soon to her first kid and we all know how that goes… The second friend is someone I care a lot about, and we talk almost daily, but she’s changed a lot since the pandemic. She’s gone full Qanon crazy. I’ve tried to be there for her as she’s going through a lot of mental issues. She told me she’s worried she is developing schizophrenia. When I suggested she should go to a doctor and look into medication, she said “Go to hell.” She also told me I’m stupid for getting the vaccines + a booster, which have “made me infertile” and I’ll never be able to conceive. But then the next day she’ll be super nice and caring towards me. I can’t imagine speaking to a friend like that. I know she’s brainwashed and I’ve been giving her lots of passes for it, but I’m running out of empathy and tolerance. I don’t know what’s worse, staying friends with her and enduring the occasional verbal abuse or having no friends at all. I feel so fucking alone. I live alone and WFH too. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1168,"Title: hey can't some dm me, feeling so down right now Text: I just looked at Instagram and my heart has just sank and I am in this seemingly inescapable pit of envy and and sadness. I also have college tomorrow at the ass crack of dawn and its 1:30AM For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1169,"Title: I’d rather die than do 4 more years of college Text: Yup, I know it sounds pathetic. I completed my first year of college during co-vid which was all online. When I began second year And when it was time to enter the institution I had an episode where I lost all function and was really relying on survival instincts to survive. I dropped out, worked for a year in a supermarket, started a course I thought I would be able to manage better with my mental health problems. So far I’ve just been bombarded with assignments and I get that it’s a normal part of college but I feel I can’t bear the thought of failing, dropping out again, disappointing my parents, failing these looming assignments that I’m struggling to do. I keep indulging in the thought of suicide and for some reason it sort of comforts me in an evil sort of way. I keep thinking that if things get overwhelming again I can end everything with a click of my fingers. College is all I can think about every day. I can’t anchor myself in the present because I’m just stuck in the future all the time. I really don’t know what to do. I feel I can’t tell my parents because they think I’m doing well but I’m really struggling. I feel like a nihilistic entitled loser that has been handed every bit of love and support, yet it has no affect on my way of thinking. I feel like a failure and just don’t really wanna be here anymore For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1170,"Title: I was condemned to serve a ""life sentence"" for the sole crime of being born. Text: What is there to this kenoma of torment other than the prospect of ""contrast"". Why must I be subjected to death and rebirth with each passing day, akin to Prometheus having his liver devoured by Zeus's eagle and having it grow back every night, ceaselessly repeating this cycle of agony. Years of being on mental health waiting lists and being damned to relive this biochemical/psychotic sequence of ""hellfire"" everyday with no end in sight, except of course, for becoming the author of my own demise. Petty actions of rebellion against the natural order of things are of no consequence in the grand scheme of things, inevitably death will come as the great equaliser to chaos that is life. Sapience, let alone sentience is an ability that humans collectively do not seem to deserve. I see how animals are afforded the luxury of a painless release in contrast to people being either forced to live a purgatorial life of unrelenting suffering or face an undignified and violent end. This year I'll roll the dice one last time on fate, but this time I'll be able to finalise everything should things not go as planned, after all...is there *anything* left to lose? The facade of living for short term dope hits and giggles is wearing off fast, the novelty of perpetual distraction faded and the abyss of oblivion appears to be more mesmerising with the passage of time. I'll go for broke for better and for worse, rekindling hope in this sinking ship now up to a flip of a coin. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1171,"Title: After the first time it happened, did he promise to never let it happen again? Text: and then did it happen again? Thanks For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1172,"Title: should I admit myself inpatient? - strong urges to cut again Text: TL;DR at the end*** Yesterday I cut for the first time. I won't explain the sensation because I didn't feel much to be honest. And based on reading through this subreddit, a lot of you unfortunately know how that first cut feels. I didn't plan to do it, but at the same time, I did. I was in class and I have a pair of scissors with me as a school supply. I've been wondering for days ""what if I just cut myself. They're right there"" whenever I look at the scissors. So during a break in between classes, when no one was around, I sliced into my arm for the first time. Fast forward, I showed my boyfriend and he told me it was ""attention seeking"" which I understand. Because it's sensation seeking, but also a cry for help. For me it is. I was offended that I was called attention seeking for the cut. I'm seeking attention for everything that lead me to feel like I need to cut myself. I want to continue because 1. When people tell me not to do something, I get defiant and desire to do it anyways out of spite (unnecessary, I know). 2. I also want to do it because for some reason, it was satisfying. 3. I will feel like less of a fraud by saying I've self harmed but have only cut myself once while real self harmers have many scars. So I feel like a fraud. But if I create more scars to fit in, that is actually attention seeking. Why I DON'T Want to Continue: 1. I'll be involuntarily admitted to the mental hospital/psych ward because I've been ""passively"" suicidal for a while now too. I want to go but I'm scared to take the first step but I also know I don't want to be involuntarily admitted but I still want to cut myself. 2. If I admit myself, I'm scared I'll lose my job because of it. And now is the best time for me to do so because I move out on my own for the first time in a few weeks.... What the fuck should I do???? I know I might get comments telling me to go, but my defiant self will probably not go out of spite... And suffer. I do have a therapist(s) and am taking medication. What the fuck is wrong with me? Should I admit myself? TL;DR Cut myself for the first time. See lists and beyond above. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 1173,"Title: What is the line between sticking it out for the sake of the marriage vs. putting up with abuse? Text: I (30F) had a baby 5 weeks ago with my husband (30M). Through the course of the pregnancy he and I had a couple of serious arguments where he said and did some unforgivably hurtful things to me and my son (4M) from a previous relationship, which lead me to believe he had some anger issues. He threatened to leave saying that he is unhappy in the relationship. We ended up working things out and staying together, and I chalked it up to pre-baby jitters, things got better. Christmas morning, first thing, he gets into it with my son over the smallest thing which escalated in to him screaming and cursing at me and my son, throwing things. He called my son a dick. My son is only 4 and a completely innocent sweet little boy. We keep arguing, he is saying things like, ""Draft the divorce papers"", he hates me, he compares me to his ex. I tell him to leave if he's not happy but he refuses, saying, ""Well I pay rent"". I have a newborn baby with this man. I was a single mom before we married and I struggled terribly before we got together with just one kid, and now I have 2. He seems sorry but I can't even look at him. I'm terrified to leave the relationship but I would be crazy to let him stay in our lives, especially the way he treats my oldest. Divorce is easier said than done. What is the line between sticking it out for the sake of the marriage vs. putting up with abuse? And even worse, exposing my 2 young sons to this dynamic. TL;DR Baby daddy #2 began showing signs of an extreme anger problem during my pregnancy. Now with 1 month old baby, having fights involving yelling, cussing, throwing things, threatening to leave/refusing to leave when asked all with 4 year old son present. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1174,"Title: i want to end it all Text: Im fucking sick of ""it gets better!"" ""you got this"", i don't. I plan on killing myself on my 14th birthday. I don't care what dhar mann bullshit you guys have in stock for me. I don't want it i want actual help. But since im young there's nothing to do that actually makes people listen. "" There's so signs"" THERE ARE. signs that im showing. But you guys just don't care. I want to end it all. That's it simple as that For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1175,"Title: advice on how to tell your psychiatrist something Text: i think that i was sexually abused and taken advantage of as a child, which i have probably blocked out of my memory, but i believe that i need to explore more of my memories to move forward in my life. i want to tell my psychiatrist about this, but i do not know how. i am 18 and female and my psychiatrist is male, so that sometimes makes it harder to bring up certain memories. does anyone have any advice? i don’t want to just blurt out “i think i was taken advantage of as a child” and how do i bring up that topic. thank you and sending you all love and support. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",childabuse_endangerment_past Question 1176,"Title: Second guessing if I was raped. I need a helping hand Text: So deep down I know what I experienced was rape but I’m in constant denial bc I can’t believe I didn’t come to admit it for so long. Let me share my story. I’m 21 years old and this happened to me when I was 19. I didn’t start drinking till a few months before I turned 19 while I was in a relationship. Moving on.. I attended my first party when single at 19 and I’ve only drank 3-4 times before this. At this party this boy saw that I was extremely drunk and I left the room to get fresh air in the backyard. He followed me and cornered me and I thought while I was super drunk that he was just making sure I was okay. However, he kept wanting me to take more shots even tho I knew I was intoxicated. When I went back inside there were two other guys and they all wanted me to take a shots with them. They kept pressuring me and I felt forced to take it. I couldn’t leave the house bc I was too drunk and my only friend was asleep. I completely blacked out after that last shot and I remember them handing me the shot and watching me take it while they didn’t drink. I thought I’d be more than just okay but I blacked out after that last shot. I only remember snips of the night. I remember him leading me to the garage and then hitting my head HARD against something. Then blank. Then apparently we had sex in my car and he said I brought us there when I asked him the next morning. However, all I remember is a snip of being in my car not wanting to have sex with this boy and not feeling anything happening to me. And I’m not able to move as if my body was paralyzed. My brain couldn’t process itself. I remember this moment but I felt brain dead unable to act or say anything. The next morning I woke up next to him in shock thinking did we have sex but he was cuddling me so we must’ve. I had breakfast with my friend and snips of the night came back to me. I know I was pressured into drinking when he knew I was extremely intoxicated. And I’m sure he did this so he knew he had a 100% shot of having sex with me. I’ve had sex with a few guys but this man is not one I would want to have sex with when sober or buzzed. I can’t have sex with people I’m not the slightest emotionally connected to. I know for a fact I was raped but why am I second guessing myself? Why do I feel like it’s my fault as well that this happened? Is it also my fault bc I didn’t know how to control how much I drank? Due to this second guessing, I went on a date with him after. I somehow convinced myself that I actually liked him and that’s why I had sex with him when black out drunk. I facetimed him and texted him as if I liked him when every text I sent meant nothing to me but I forced myself to believe it was real. Also, the boy who raped me was my boyfriends close friend. I didn’t confess this happened to me till after a year he and I dated. I feel like my boyfriend doesn’t believe me at the end of the day sometimes. I feel like he thinks it’s my fault and I’m the one who shouldn’t have drank that much. And I don’t know why I shut my mouth and kept this hidden from everyone I know. I feel wronged but why do I also feel at fault. I’m looking for advice to help my heart settle. I can’t discuss this with anyone I know. I’m too embarrassed. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1177,"Title: It's really the sight of blood for me Text: I crave that. The pain is incidental. I recently relapsed with a sharp blade for the first time in years and seeing it well up and soak into the toilet paper again... I dont know how to describe why that is so addicting to me. I'm not even upset these days, I just want the blood. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1178,"Title: Iam too traumatized too live Text: I know my parents would be sad but i cant take ıt anymore. I am trying to endure ıt seven months and nothing changed . I feel like being watched by voices all the time even when i take bath. Proplem is ıam too traumatized to continue . I dont want to die ,i just want silence and peace ... For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1179,"Title: ruined my 9 month streak Text: I thought i was in the clear, well, I wasn't. I just went to the kitchen and grabbed the sharpest knife I could find.. I really didn't go deep or do much, but still,I broke my streak. what a waste. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1180,"Title: UK Survivors: Did the council help you with housing? Text: I left after the last assault but am stuck in a house he owns. With 3 children and a dog. I have been subjected to financial abuse which leaves me no room to leave of my own accord and because I still work, refuges I would need to pay for.. I’ve been quoted £350 a week!! Did anyone get successfully relocated with a councils help? I have applied out of area and they have accepted a homeless relief duty for 56 days and a main housing duty after, but are encouraging me to look for a private rent and they will help with deposit etc. I feel so anxious and lost just not knowing what is going to happen next or when. I would really appreciate if anyone can share their experiences. Thank you all 🙏 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1181,"Title: I’m losing motivation for college. Text: -I feel like I’m too stupid for everything. -I can encourage myself to study. -Whenever I fail an exam, I feel like I’m useless. -I keep thinking that my future is going to be nothing. -I was doing well my first two terms, but after the passing of my father, I just don’t feel like doing anything important. -I now spend more times playing video games, which makes me sad, because I’m pursuing a degree in computer science to one day make games. -I do online college because my social anxiety makes it impossible to be surrounded by tons of people. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1182,"Title: Please just hear me out. Text: I want to know why we honestly discourage and taboo the idea of suicide so much outside of religious reasons and risk of manipulation. It feels like the idea of wanting to die in itself is immediately struck down by people for some reason even if it is just a genuine thought and no sort of planning. Even if we did plan for it why is it so much worse than waiting for it to happen just spontaneously one day anyway? It's not an avoidable affliction or something easy to ignore. Throughout all of human history it's been the only thing truly promised to us yet we can't grasp how to make it easier on ourselves and each other so we tell each other it's wrong for it to happen. I don't want to die, I truly don't but it feels liberating sometimes when I think about how I really can just do it at any time. I've never felt better until I actually started thinking about how accepting the ability to die is one step closer to the ability to truly enjoy free will. All I know is one day I will die, and as of now I don't know if whether or not it'll be by my own hand but I hope to at least give myself a choice. I plan to have no kids and if I ever do plan on doing it I'll probably try to estrange myself from everyone I love to make it easier on them. Or not, it won't really matter to the rest of the world anyway. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1183,"Title: I sometimes wish depression was as visible on me as a broken leg would be so people would be more kind. Text: Just because I look okay doesn’t mean I’m not in constant pain. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1184,"Title: My goals and hesitance for therapy Text: I’m a 36m obese professional who has had issues with controlling my weight, social anxiety, self esteem, and forming relationships of all types. Especially my lack of romantic and sexual success has contributed to me having bitter feelings towards women. My longest relationship was one year and I’ve had few to no long term friendships in my life. I dont seem to pick up on social cues and usually feel out of place in large crowds like a fish that just isn’t turning at the same time as the other fish. My goals would be to: 1. Gain better relationships of all types 2. Better romantic and sexual relationships 3. Increasing the vibrancy of my social life 4. Assisting in diet control and weight loss. 5. Dealing with my social anxiety and depression. My concerns keeping me from therapy are: 1. Which kind of professional do I need? Counselor? Psychiatrist? Psychologist? 2. Concerns over facing someone and telling them all my bitter angry thoughts and insecurities 3. Concerns over privacy 4. I work &-5 mon-Friday. How will I find time? I am just east of Woodbury TN. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1185,"Title: High functioning depression is really just barely functioning Text: Depressed people who can manage to do the bare minimum (shower enough to not be noticeably unhygienic, show up to work, fake being alright while socializing) are labeled as high functioning. But I don’t feel high functioning at all. I feel like I’m actually just barely functioning. I’m just doing enough to appear alright to others, but nothing else extra. I just don’t think high functioning is the right label for most “high functioning” people. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1186,"Title: Idk how to feel Text: 10 years ago, my ex boyfriend raped me. Two years after, he raped my best friend. Today, he proposed to his girlfriend. I wonder if she knows what kind of person she’s gonna marry. I feel like shit. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1187,"Title: Girlfriend cheated on me and is pregnant Text: She lives abroad and I haven’t been with her for about a year. This morning she calls me crying and tells me she is pregnant with someone else’s baby. She says she is going to get an abortion. I told her we are done for good but she says it was a drunk one night stand and she loves me, can’t live without me etc. I feel like I can’t forgive her but tbh no one else has ever loved me and I’ll probably just die alone. I’m contemplating suicide because my own life isn’t great tbh. Life is always awful but times like this just remind me it can always get a lot worse. This world and life is a joke. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1188,"Title: Do doctors care about scars? Text: So i haven’t been cutting in a bit (i’m very proud). But i have plenty of scarring and i have a doctors appointment coming up and will they tell my parents or anything even tho i’m not actively doing it? im 15 and in the USA For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 1189,"Title: help - how to stop cutting deep? Text: So since I relapsed I’ve become really obsessive about how deep I’m cutting, like it’s some sort of competition with myself to get deeper and deeper each time. Before, I used to keep a tally of how many times I wanted to cut throughout the day and then just cut that many times and be covered in as many shallow cuts as possible. But now it’s like I’m putting all that into just one or two cuts and I’m super self aware of how dangerous it’s getting but I can’t stop myself. The only thing that stops me from cutting at all is the fact that deep cuts cause me so much distress and panic to the point of being physically sick. But when I do inevitably self harm, I don’t know how to NOT cut deep and it’s stressing me out. I don’t know how to stop or backtrack and I just wondered if anyone else has experienced this and/or have any advice because I feel desperate. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1190,"Title: It just costs too much to live Text: I can’t handle poverty any more. Everything is too expensive. I’m afraid to use my heat this winter because the electric bill would be too much. I have a radiator and a pile of blankets, but if I don’t run the heat the pipes will freeze and I can’t pay to fix that if they burst. I don’t wanna live because all I do is pay bills. There’s no enjoyment in my life, just constant stress and worry and fear that I’ll end up homeless. Everything is a struggle. I have to strategically be late on certain bills so the service doesn’t get shut off but I can pay one thing while I neglect another. Interest on my loans and credit cards makes it so I don’t seem to make progress paying anything back. I just can’t take it anymore. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1191,"Title: Hi friends Text: I'm involved in a masters program at University of Akron. We're performing a research survey related to mental well-being. The survey is 100% anonymous and takes only 1-2 minutes of your time. Our goal is to assist in finding alternative solutions to mental well-being and self-care outlets. To encourage participation, there will be a drawing to win a $50 Amazon gift card (winner will be contacted on 10/29/2022 if email is provided; however, providing your email is not required]). Thank you in advance ❤️ Alison Link: https://akron.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_8BUrJ4MYbxMdYNM For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1192,"Title: How to stop SH urges Text: im taking on a really low point in my life and i started SH a week ago, the urges wont go away and i try not to cut super deep but i dont feel anything if i dont and the urges wont go away if i dont feel somthing pls help i dont want to do this my arm already hurts, ive been talking care of the cuts pretty decent but i need a way to stop the urges pls help. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1193,"Title: Waking up in the morning to a dry phone and then remembering that you’re lonely and have no friends is one of the worst feelings ever Text: it has me questions my life for the rest of the day For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1194,"Title: got my wake up call Text: cut too deep and went to the hospital. never cut this deep before. im done. no more. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 1195,"Title: I'm killing myself right now Text: 3rd attempt I have 78 pills of A***** along with other supplements. i'm taking the pills right now and hopefully soon I'll be gone. I have no one to talk to and my family couldn't care less. life is too fucking hard and it's just not for me goodbye everyone For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1196,"Title: Self-therapy Text: So, I've been trying to consult a therapist but I can't afford the amount. I wanna join any support groups but don't know any. So, I'm thinking to try out self therapy but I have no idea of how to start. Those who've healed by themselves, what steps did you follow that worked for you? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1197,"Title: My farewell to this sub, thank you everyone Text: a few days ago i posted here to say i was letting go. i'm letting go my rape, my rapist, the anxiety... everything. and today i'm letting go of this subreddit. i came here after my rape because i needed to know if other victims felt like me, experienced the same feelings, had the same fears. i found a lot of different answers to my questions, and learned a lot. turns out, rape is just another dramatic event in one's life, and we all deal with it differently. there's no ""normal answer"" to rape, or a specific way every victim feels. thanks to you, i felt like my feelings were understood, and my fears heard. i now feel strong enough to put all of this behind me, and recover from that traumatic experience. i'm very grateful, thank you everyone, i wish you good luck in your journey. you all deserve to be happy, and to heal. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1198,"Title: My Boss Text: Hi all, whoever reads this thank you for doing so. This will be long just warning Two years ago I started a new job at a Fintech company in Ontario and wound up being severely sexually harassed by my boss. He would routinely demand that i sleep with him and every single time I refused. He made my life a living hell by recruiting other people on my team to harass and bully me, something I had never experienced before. He even got someone from HR to harass me as well. Looking back I have no answers as to why I stayed at that company for as long as I did, only the embarrassment of quitting so soon. I deteriorated mentally and in my performance, so much so that I was eventually fired, ""without cause"". As I sit here all these years later I still very much feel affected by this emotionally and mentally. I go to bed some nights and have nightmares about my boss or my former coworkers. For an entire year I did not work at all and could barely get out of bed at all. Things are a tad better now and I do not feel depressed, simply anxious at the thought of working for men or with men ever again. I'm not sure what I want from this, I suppose just to get this off my chest. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 1199,"Title: Does anyone else hate how people throw around the terms ""narcissist"" and ""sociopath"" on Reddit? Text: Narcissistic personality disorder is a horrible, painful condition. It's a mental disorder that, just like any, ruins the lives of people who never wanted to be this way. Like other personality disorders it takes away someone's control over their own thoughts and behaviours and twists their perceptions of the world around them. They've quite often been through abuse which has led them to develop their condition, and often they aren't even able to see that there's anything wrong - just like in other psych conditions. Sociopathy hasn't even been considered a real diagnosis for decades. The closest thing is antisocial personality disorder, which is another horrible condition that people are forced to live with. It damages someone's ability to empathise and feel positive emotions, their ability to control strong bursts of anger or sadness and to properly deal with their emotions, and it makes people struggle to control impulsive behaviour and fit in with society. Someone with ASPD isn't the stoic, emotionless killer from a horror film or the cool, charismatic, cunning CEO. In fact they're very often poor and not too clever, having grown up in toxic environments and never getting the support they need to develop properly. Both of these conditions are extremely complex and very, very hard to identify and diagnose, even for an experienced psychiatrist sitting across from their patient. Reddit uses these terms the way people used ""retarded"" a decade ago. People have taken crippling conditions that they know fuck all about beyond watching slasher films and Dr Phil, and turned them into slurs. It's even worse just how readily people make these armchair diagnoses. Whenever anyone does something bad, they must be a *sociopath!* It couldn't just be that normal people like you and me sometimes do bad things for a variety of very complex reasons - no, they must be a sociopath (and that means monster!) Whenever a /r/relationship_advice or /r/amitheasshole post describes someone doing something that could even just be interpreted as slightly unreasonable, or a slight overreaction, they're a TOXIC NARCISSIST! No, they didn't just snap because they've been under a lot of stress like any human can, they dont just seem unreasonable because we don't know what's going on in their head and know their side of the story. No, they're a NARCISSIST! And it seems *everyone* on Reddit knows at least one narcissist, usually more. And how do you deal with someone who has a debilitating mental health condition? You cut them out of your life completely! After all, they're toxic and they'll ruin your life if you let them! Tl;dr ""narcissist"" and ""sociopath"" are the new retard, and it's disgusting. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1200,"Title: Using alcohol as a coping mechanism Text: I'm 16 and I've recently started using alcohol as a way to cope but I'm terrified of becoming addicted to it. It's the only thing that makes me feel better so I don't know if I should stop or not? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1201,"Title: Can’t wait to kill myself :)) Text: I’m done I’m just so done with life. My life has been falling apart ever since I could form a coherent sentence and soon I’ll be gone today I cut myself five times in one day. in the past three months, I have reached my lowest I’ve already been in rock-bottom, but I managed to go to a different rockyer bottom. And I think I’ve gone so low that there’s no possible way I can recover from this I’m officially lost cause I can’t wait to kill myself a day or two after homecoming which is on the 22nd of this month I’ll kill myself part of me, hopes that one of my friends catches on and cause the police on me but for the most part I just wanna die and I can’t wait For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_active_ongoing" Question 1202,"Title: I didn't even make it a full 24 hours this time Text: At least I feel like I made a deep enough cut... At the moment. I didn't even want to cut, I was just so immensely bored, and wanted to watch the blood flow... For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1203,"Title: This is pulling me Text: The more I stay here, I feel more depressed 😔. There is no one who actually sends love. Few posts go viral and few posts like this stay unnoticed. I better sleep. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1204,"Title: My ex noticed I was cutting again and laughed at me Text: Last time we hung out my scars were visible and he pointed them out, asking me what they are and then laughed. He knows I have had an issue with self-harm, so it just felt like he was mocking me. My whole body is shooting hot then cold thinking about it. I hate it, so much. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1205,"Title: I need someone to talk to Text: I don't want to be alive but I don't know what to do For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1206,"Title: i need to do it i need to do it Text: im not getting better i don't want to get better i want to die so bad For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1207,"Title: Nostalgia is a drug… I’m currently using and it’s crushing me Text: 22M… Yesterday after a doctors appointment, I decided to drive up to my old community college since I was in the area. It’s about a 20 minute drive from my house and the latter half of it is on a road surrounded by trees in the woods. I used to make this drive everyday just a couple years ago, and it was so meditative. I would just get lost in it. Yesterday, I put on the same album I used to always listen to on the way up and back, and I recreated the drive perfectly. All the feels came back to me. I wanted to get out and walk back onto campus. During the drive and since, I’ve just felt kind of empty. I honestly didn’t even like my life much at that point in time, but today I would do anything to go back. I’ve completely wasted the past two years of my life. I’ve been doing school remotely, made no new friends, and my current relationships are getting less and less satisfying. Nostalgia is a hell of a drug man. I always wish I could go back to a time that isn’t now. I miss those drives through the woods so bad. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1208,"Title: My scars are good for one thing. Text: It’s 1 am. We get a call for a suicidal female spotted at a certain location. Crap. Lights and sirens, my partner and I are hauling our butts to this patient. I am so scared I’m about to throw up. Dumb cars, move out of the way. Hold on, we’re coming. We arrive at the location. It’s dark, I look around, I don’t see anyone. Great, we’re too late. I feel my eyes getting watery. Wait! There she is. The police got her down. She’s safe. She didn’t fall. En route to the hospital. I notice she has scars on her arms and ask to see them. She starts to cry. I apologize and tell her I’m just assessing to give report to the nurses for when we get to the hospital. She cries harder. She’s not stopping so I tell her I used to self harm too. “Do you want to see?” I roll up my sleeves and show her. My scars are in the exact same place as hers, forearms. Surprisingly, she calms down. I hold her hand and give her a little pep talk until we arrived at the hospital. She says thank you. This is the only time having scars is useful. I guess establishing trust/rapport with people who self harm and people who are suicidal. Other than that it’s a disadvantage. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 1209,"Title: I JUST CUDDLED FOR THE FIRST TIME Text: MY FRIEND CAME OVER AND HE WAS SUPOSSED TO HELP ME WITH HOMEWORK BUT IT ENDED IN HIM HOLDING ME AND TELLING ME THAT IT WAS COZY AND RHAT HE LOVED IT AND IM SNZKSKABSIQBQ IM SO HAPPY For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1210,"Title: should i tell my therapist i sh? Text: recently ive relapsed and been self-harming a lot. its been getting out of control and i want to tell my therapist but i know she will have to tell my parents, i dont want to deal with them asking me about it and stuff. is it really worth it to tell my therapist? please help. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1211,"Title: It terrifies me. I had the talk with my 12 year old niece who was telling me about a boy online, “does he look like a rapist”, that you cannot tell by how they look and how they act. I had to explain to her that my rapist was a friend for over a year before he drugged me and raped me. Text: It breaks my heart to have to do this but I had to explain to her how they can have all appearances of one thing and a light switch go off and the devil come out of their very faces and take over them to rape you. I had to explain to her that my “friend for over a year” told me while he was rapping me he did it to women because of “rage” and he had planned to do that to me from the very moment he laid eyes on me. I had to explain pure evil to my niece in the hopes that it will open her eyes, remove false beliefs, and protect her in the future. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1212,"Title: finally doing it Text: I have given up on life, I’m killing myself tonight. there is nothing keeping me alive anymore, and i have no purpose. I’m done. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1213,"Title: Please help. My daughter (11) is cutting herself Text: Please forgive me I’m super scared and on a phone. So yesterday my wife discovered that our daughter (11) has been cutting her arms. After a bit of panic on my wife’s end we decide to talk as soon as I got home from work. When I got home I took a bit to do some research on why people do this and how to help. A little back ground info and some character traits for everyone. This amazing little girl is so smart and beautiful, has countless potential. Is is the apple of my eye and is my whole motivation for everything I do. She’s a great kid. Does her best at most things and try’s to make people happy all the time. She has a huge heart and I love that about her. But this poor little girl has gone through a lot in her short life. 6 yrs ago she lost her great grandma who she was super close with, then our family dog, then her grandpa, then uncle. Now she’s dealing with this pandemic and isolation from friends, she doing from home online classes so not a lot of socializing with friends or whatnot. So we had a family talk and we asked her why she would do that. She said she doesn’t like herself very much. And didn’t give us a whole lot to go on. So I just told her that I loved her and I was here for her, and that her life and body are like a temple and she shouldn’t want to hurt herself. I also explained that she wasn’t in any trouble and we just wanna help. I suggested some outlets instead of cutting like drawing whats on her mind or writing a letter. I also explained that we wouldn’t even read them that they would be private and we can burn them when she was done writing so no one would ever be able to read them. And today I’m going to take her to get some bracelets one is gonna say daddy loves you or something similar so when she wants to cut herself she will see it a hopefully remember that I love her. The other one is going to be blank and I will put whatever she thinks will help her on it. I know I’m not the best dad on the planet. I run a tight ship and I know I’m overprotective. I set somewhat high expectations but have always let her know that it’s ok to fail. As long as she’s tried and put in the effort I will never be disappointed. Even told her that making mistakes is how we learn. But I work a lot so I’m not around as much as I would like. Now I’m a wreck. I can’t stop crying. I wish I could just take away whatever she’s feeling and make her happy. I don’t know what the next steps should be. Should I set her up with a family/child therapist? Is that to much to fast? I honestly don’t know what to do. I lost my brother to suicide, so I’m terrified that’s where this will lead. I wish I knew what got us to this point. Any advice or direction would be appreciated more than you know. Thanks in advance. Edit: I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for all the love and support. My head is still spinning and my emotions are not in check yet but I’m trying. On behalf of myself and my family thank you from the bottom of our hearts. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1214,"Title: every emotion i have leads back to a deep sadness Text: im putting this out there on here cuz i feel like there has to be other people who have felt this way? im not diagnosed and haven't seeked help in any way but theres kinda a history of bipolar depression in my family. idk what to do ab it cuz im i feel like im barely ready to talk ab it with my friends let alone my parents or family or professionals. its like even the happiest moments aren't full, theres never not a heavy emptiness beneath it all. the base layer of my life is sadness. and i feel like- or maybe hope-that people kinda can see im not really ok, but then if anyone tries to ask even how im feeling today i do the classic ""I'm good"". i keep telling myself it'll get better eventually if i just keep going but then am i ignoring it? like yeah ig i'll be okay but i'm not having fun with life? i can easily see myself keep just going through the motions my whole life cuz im scared to make a change For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1215,"Title: I feel like I was raped Text: Hello I'm a girl and I'm 15 years old. When I was 13 I barely knew anything about sex or sexual stuff I just knew how it worked nothing else. I used to play video games with my neighbour in his house when he was alone. He was 18. One day we played a game on his Xbox and he asked me if I see him as a good friend and I say yes and then he said he would do anything for me and I felt happy cause of that. He then asked me if I would do the same and ofc I said yes and then he said he needs my help and that I can't say no. I felt happy to help him but I didn't know what the case was so I asked him what does he need help with. He took his dick out and it was hard and he told me to lick it. I didn't want to and I felt scared and I said I can't do that. He told me I said I would do anything for him but I still said i don't know how to do it and that I don't feel like doing it. He still grabbed my hand when I tried getting up and grabbed my hair and forced me to suck it. I don't wanna go much into details because I don't know if it will disturb someone but he was so much stronger than me and I couldn't push him away and he didn't stop even tho I was crying. He came into my mouth and told me if I don't swallow it he will do it again. After that I was scared to leave my house or ever talk to him. I still am and don't leave my house alone after dark. I told my friend and she told me that doesnt count as rape so now I'm confused :(. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 1216,"Title: My GF is in legitimate danger, I am being asked to do nothing about it. I am going insane Text: In brief: my gf was almost raped by two guys. The guys are still out there. Gf doesn't want to press charges or have me do anything about it. I can't bear sitting here and waiting for it to happen again. My girlfriend was almost raped at work a couple days ago. She was locking up the venue, and two guys waited for her in the bathroom. She narrowly escaped before anything happened. She hasn't given much detail, doesn't want to talk about it, and doesn't want to press charges. I don't know who these guys are, I don't know their names nor their faces. But they're still out there. Based on the description of how it happened, it sounds like this wasn't their first rape and probably not their last. I am fucking furious. For days, I haven't thought about anything else. Some mates of mine have already said they'll help me jump these guys if I asked them to. But I don't know who they are or how to find them. The more I search for them, the more I risk drawing attention to my girlfriend, which is the last thing she wants right now. Is it a good idea to go after them? Am I making it worse? They're still out there, and she still works at the same place. I can't fucking sleep. I need to make sure they never do anything like it again. I've never been this angry in my life. Not even close. Can't believe these people exist. I was always someone who was doubtful when girls talked about rape. I could never have imaged such people actually exist, but now I do. They literally waited for her in a bathroom. It was two of them. They knew what they were doing. What the fuck. These people. Walking through the street I am in constant fight mode. I CANNOT let this happen again. See my girlfriend wants to drop everything and move on. She told me not to tell anyone, not to do anything about it. But how can I? My girlfriend is in danger, straight up danger. She had spoken to them (as customers) once or twice before previously, so I know they're regulars, and this is likely not the last time she and them will be in the same building. I can't just sit here and wait for it to happen again, and for them to succeed this time. I fucking have to do something. threaten them, chop their dick off, simple punish them. whatever it takes to make my girlfriend safe at her place of work, and also all the other girls there who are at risk. Thoughts? Is this a good idea or am I going insane with rage? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1217,"Title: I should do it Text: There is only one way out of this eternal pain of being alive For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1218,"Title: I need help urgently Text: I have a friend that's recently tried to kill herself. She's my cousin's girlfriend, and just today came back to school after being interned in a hospital. She induced herself a Clonazepam overdose and cut her left wrist very hardly. She is aside of me right now and she isn't completely conscious because she just got out of the hospital, she looks sleepy and saying almost nonsense, even though her parents didn't want her to come to school she insisted and came anyways. Just this Monday she started saying she didn't wanted to live anymore yet I thought it was just a cruel joke because we both like to joke like that (we have been in similar situations near death). I don't know what to do, I am really worried because she does not look like she wants any help from anyone. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1219,"Title: ~Rant Text: Retrospectively - he was my best friend. I wasn't his best friend. A good friend, but one of a bunch, and a comparatively recent one at that. So I feel like I'm probably the only one feeling any hurt from not being in contact. I'm also just lonely in general, so perhaps I'm clinging onto that particular close connection I had had, in an unhealthy way, not letting go when the simple circumstances of life seem to suggest I should just move on... And so every time I drunkenly think of sending a message, I stop myself and wonder if I should just wait till I'm sober and see if it's still sensible. Like, I don't wan't to make just another silly, pathetic attempt to reconnect when it'll probably just mean a fleeting moment of pained superficial communication followed by the same old hole of no contact. I mean maybe it's just kinda better to remain a memory than an awkward reminder, right? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1220,"Title: Police not taking me seriously/stonewalled due to child *Content Warning* Text: Okay, long ongoing story. I need advice on where to go from here. Sorry if some of the explanation of what happened is triggering to some, I’m not used to reddit yet and know that is required on Facebook platforms. I (22 F) was groomed, raped repeatedly/daily, and threatened from spring 2014 until fall 2017. The man involved was in his 40s at the time, still not exactly sure his age (I have it in paperwork somewhere but was having an anxiety attack when I got it so I didn’t retain that knowledge) because he frequently lied about it and about being married/having kids. He was overly cautious about making sure I never took pictures/video and making sure he was never around security cameras with me. I did get some pictures, though, and I have screenshots of texts etc. My iPhone that has EVERYTHING still on it crashed, but I still have the phone if there’s any way info can be taken off that. I have pictures of him kicking a door in half that he thought I locked. I tried to file a police report when he physically assaulted me towards the end of it, but the cop I filed the report with was a friend of his and never put it in the system/destroyed evidence. (I have no proof of) Anyway, I digress. I moved in 2017 where he could not find me, could not stalk my house etc. He started finding me at Walmart and other public places and just texting me pictures of my car places. Even at friends houses. I was terrified, so I finally contacted the police in my county. (Same county I lived in as a minor.) they told me I didn’t have a lot of evidence for that county but I had more for a neighboring one, and sent me to that police department. The investigators there set me up to meet/talk to him with a small camera and other means of recording, and I got a lot of clear confessions from him. They’re saying they can not arrest him unless he specifically says like “on x date I did xyz with you, you were x years old.” Which he is not going to do, he’s paranoid. After the last full on confession where he DID admit my age and other things, I asked the investigators if that was enough. They said that because he fathered my child (born in 2016) and I waited this long to report him, it really just seems like I’m being vindictive and don’t want him to see my child. In reality, I just didn’t turn him in until after I moved away to an area he could not physically access my home because of the death threats I was getting. In my state, age of consent is 18, and I was told by these investigators there is no statute of limitations (especially because I made reports in 2 counties before 4 years was up). My question now is what do I do? How can I push this through? I’ve heard that he’s moved on to underage girls in two other nearby towns, and based on how careful he was with me I don’t believe I was the first. Nobody else has reported him and I don’t have names or any info. Do I go to state level investigators? Do I hire an attorney? Do I just hound the investigators? What other options do I have? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 1221,"Title: Learning that the defamation, slander and lies to vilify and victim-blame the victim is part of the abuse. This is a behaviour that abusers do. Text: This one SUCKS. These are some of the intentions from this: It is isolating. It makes you feel like no one will believe you. It makes you feel like you are crazy. Like you deserve the abuse. Like something is wrong with you. It makes you feel confused, you don’t know what to believe. It makes you feel like you won’t have anyone if you leave the abuser. Makes the abuser feel powerful over you when they push you down, they are higher. Also, can make the abuser feel better about themselves and what they are doing to another person if they use these lies to justify their abuse even to themselves. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1222,"Title: I’m just done Text: I don’t have the rope but I’m gonna fucking try with a belt. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1223,"Title: Lawyer just revealed my address to abuser Text: I am freaking out right now. Is this normal protocol?? I left my abusive boyfriend back in June, moved out of town and filed a DVRO. The hearing is this week. I submitted an earnings report, as I am seeking child support for our son. I assumed my address would not be shared, however, I see my lawyer’s paralegal just sent his lawyer copies of my paystubs which show both home and workplace address. I can’t believe this— this is not safe for me. Is this normal to share these addresses between counsel??? I don’t know why I assumed these addresses would be blacked out or something. This is terrifying. He has threatened to kill me before, amongst other disturbing behaviors. He will absolutely come to find me or send someone to, if he has this information. THIS IS WHY I FILED A DVRO in the first place. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1224,"Title: SH is so normalized in my own brain for myself but when I hear references about it (outside of this subreddit ofc) I still feel shocked Text: Idk...society has conditioned me to be disgusted and afraid of SH....my moms friend the other day spoke of a friend who once “cut herself” and instantaneously I felt shocked and saddened to hear that.. then I realized ...wait ..I DO THAT LIKE...it doesn’t register as a bad or horrible thing in my own head it’s just...something I do .. something I have control over For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1225,"Title: Killing yourself is selfish. Text: That’s what most people would say. But do those people know what you struggle with on a daily basis? How hard it is to get out of bed? How hard it is to look into a mirror? How much pain they have been through? It isn’t fair. I give nothing but love and I get shit in return. I feel as if life isn’t right for me. I know I’d hurt people if I were to die. My mother would be destroyed the most but secretly does she know her child is already dying inside? That her child has no reason, none at all to keep trying. I don’t want to be in pain, but the ones I love the most, hurt me the most. So why keep trying? If I love someone so much to the point where they can hurt me 1,000+ times and I still continue going.. why keep going? They obviously don’t care about me, they love the fact that they’ll never lose me. I don’t want to die. I am just tired of feeling trapped in my mind. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1226,"Title: Is this just me? Text: Does anyone else ever get really excited to see the scar after the scab falls off. TW it might get a bit graphic. So I have some scabs that have been healing for about a month now. Just recently, parts of them have been coming off, not enough to see the scar underneath fully, but just barely. Most of mine are in rows and I've been patiently waiting for the scabs on the whole row to come off. I'm just excited to see what the scars look like. I was also a bit disappointed when I though a few of them didn't scar. I'm wondering though, is any of this normal? Like do most people who do this get excited about the scars finally forming? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 1227,"Title: I (35M) got kinda mad at my girlfriend (30F) for telling me about her ""slutty behavior"" after being raped in college. Can someone please help me understand why this is a coping mechanism for some rape survivors? Text: First off, I think my girlfriend is an amazing woman. We've been together for two years, but she recently shared some information about her past that I found quite shocking. Essentially, she was raped in college, and spent the next few years getting wasted drunk and sleeping around with a ton of guys. I was initially overwhelmed with sadness and anger after hearing this (which I now feel bad about)... but I'd like to understand a bit of the psychology behind this, as sleeping around seems to be a common thing among rape survivors. I dont want to be upset - I just want to be able to understand and be more gentle when confronting the subject. Please dont roast me too much - I'm just trying to educate myself here. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1228,"Title: Depression day Text: Today I couldn’t get out of bed. But I feel so guilty, I feel like I’m so lazy and worthless for not getting out of bed today. I truly couldn’t, but I feel like I did nothing when I could’ve gotten up and gotten stuff done. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1229,"Title: Are these brain zaps? Wellbutrin Text: Hi all, I’m on Wellbutrin, and have been on lexapro in the past with no issue. It is normal for me to miss 2-3 days of Wellbutrin, then start up again. This has been my pattern for more than a year. Recently I missed about 3 days, then took my dose for a couple of days, then developed a bunch of crazy symptoms Day 1: felt light-headed and shaky, was stuttering on my words and kind of clumsy with my hands, and had intense pressure in my brain that would crest with the zapping sensation about TWICE PER MINUTE. Day 2: woke up less shaky, and the zaps were much weaker, there wasn’t much pressure build-up preceding them. They continued to happen about twice per minute. Day 3: woke up feeling perfectly normal, but the zaps started fairly quickly after waking, again, a few times per minute. They’re weak, there’s no pain, but the zaps sometimes cause a small twitch of my head. So does this frequency of zaps, plus a physical component of head movement, sound like AD withdrawal zaps, or something else? I’ve seen a dr who’s referring to a neurologist. I’m pretty scared by what’s happening. Note: I’ve taken my pill every day since it started. I’m on no other drug for depression/anxiety. Thanks for any insights :) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1230,"Title: Woman survived gunshot to the fac- how I survived Sharing my story! Text: Couple of weeks ago I shared part of my story! As you guys know, October is bring awareness to domestic violence! Hoping that by sharing my story, I can save someone’s life ❤️ you may copy and paste link and then after the ad , the video will show https://www.abcactionnews.com/news/region-pasco/pasco-county-woman-survives-after-husband-shot-her-in-the-face-in-april Please share with others and spread my message 💙💙 there’s life after domestic violence and we are all worthy to pursue our dreams. #Youareworthy #youarenotalone #fightsgainstdomesticviolence For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1231,"Title: so sick of seeing rape everywhere on TV and film Text: I don't know if it's one of those things that just appear to happen often when you focus on it but I've been spending time at home with my parents who still watch TV and so much of what airs at prime time on TV is about rape cases, people lying about being raped, police and lawyers dismissing rape survivors and I'm so so sick of it! Within the space of two weeks there have been 7 evenings where I've asked to change the programme because of rape themes! I just want to escape constant reminders of what happened to me when I watch, not see an absurd and often sensational take on it again. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1232,"Title: Trigger warning: Was bad to my mom Text: I feel really suicidal with plans because I mistreated my Mom. I just want to *** myself. The reason was that she was mistreated by customers and I got angry she did not defend herself. Therefore I was angry and let it out on her. I took 50 mg of quetiapine and hope to sleep over the crisis but I am just hopeless and hate myself. Can anyone suggest any techniques like CBT how to deal with the remorse tomorrow? Thanks for every suggestion! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1233,"Title: does someone grabbing your hand without knowing count as sexual harassment? Text: So I just turned 18 and she asked me me if she could give me a hug (she was probably 45-50 yr) I felt pressured and whatever I hugged many people before. But then she grabbed my hand out of nowhere. I didn't know how to feel about it but I felt really uncomfortable. And she just stood there? I never had someone I hugged and they just stood there for an hour without saying anything. And I think she was smelling me. It felt very awkward. Point of shaking how uncomfortable it was. I felt she was trying to turn the hug into something else. So what happened? why did it make me feel so uncomfortable? It's been 2 years now and I still feel like it happened yesterday and it's been bothering me everyday ever since. Now my hand feels uncomfortably weird when someone touches it. Seeing other people grab hangs now disturbs me for some reason, idk if I can grab someone's hand anymore. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 1234,"Title: Hanging out on the rooftop Text: I'm 49 storeys up from the ground right now. I get a view of the city. Cars stuck in traffic, people walking on the sidewalks, silhouettes of office workers in neighboring buildings. Busy city yet so desolate. If I jump, no one would bat an eye. I want to jump, but I'm scared. Where do I find the courage to jump? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1235,"Title: Why can’t I forget about it? Text: I was sexually harassed 6 and a half months ago and I can’t forget about it. I haven’t told anyone bc I am too scared people will say I’m overreacting. I think about it every day. I was very depressed in February and I am happy now but i think about it every day no matter how great my day is. Can someone tell me how to just put it past me and forget? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 1236,"Title: Everyone I’ve told either didn’t believe me or told me I should’ve enjoyed it when I was raped Text: So sometimes I tell people I was raped and when they find out it was two girls they laugh, tell me I should’ve enjoyed it, or other shit. It’s kinda annoying and honestly kinda pisses me off. Just a lil vent For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1237,"Title: does anyone else cut when they need to get stuff done?? Text: Currently working from home and I get overwhelmed so easily because I'm new at the job so when I'm struggling or overwhelmed by the task, it's so easy to just cut myself. And then my day goes back to normal and I do what I need to do. Is this something anyone else does/has experienced with work or school or whatever For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1238,"Title: I hate this fucking world Text: There's so much pain and suffering please I just want to fucking die so I don't cry every morning For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1239,"Title: I finally did it. Text: It's been 16 years since it happened. And the other day, I finally reported it. No one would help me when I was 13. I'm finally in the head space to do it for myself. And there's no statute of limitations here. I'll admit that I'm terrified. I'm scared of what he'll say. I'm scared of being called a liar again. I'm scared of nothing sticking to his record. I'm scared of him doing it again to someone else. I'm scared of passing out if I end up going to court. I'm just scared. My husband keeps trying to reassure me. Telling me that it'll be okay. That even if he's brought up on charges for it that it'll be enough to show people that he was at least accused of raping and sexually assaulting a child. But ugh the anxiety man!!! Anyone gone through the whole process for this???? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 1240,"Title: i’m here to help Text: to anyone that feels so fucking lonely that you are the only one that truly exists or you are going through something that you feel like no one else can relate to, i am here for you, i know the pain, the horror of being alone. i’m here to help, to talk, to sympathize. whatever you need i’m here for you. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1241,"Title: State prosecutor Text: So…. On Father’s Day wife was drinking, our verbal argument turned violent and she took a few swings at me, and then shoved me into a mirror- long story short, she was arrested but I didn’t file and restraining orders - today the state prosecutor allied and left me a message wanting to discuss the case …. I wanted some advice on what the prosecutor wants to discuss with me? Anyone go through any of this ? Any thoughts ? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1242,"Title: My final straw Text: I'm writing this down for myself because I need to get it out somehow. After all he did to me: calling me names, punching, yelling, making me feel worthless and fearing him, my final straw is that right now there is not enough money to buy food. He refuses to work jobs that don't pay what he thinks he deserves even though I work for that pay. He sleeps instead and complains. Now we are out of food and I bough some stuff last night but I'm done buying food. I pay for everything else. If he doesn't want to work, he will go hungry. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1243,"Title: My mom took my blade from me and *used* it in front of me (TW) Text: So closer to the beginning of quarantine (about 9 months ago or so), I was going through a ROUGH time mentally. I was yeeting daily and my arms were mutilated. One morning I came down from my room and my parents saw my arm and started yelling at my sister and I (my sister has a history of sh as well) about how we're destroying our bodies and we have to stop. We were like no shit sherlock but that's not how addiction works. My family has a long history of addiction so they should know. We kept telling them that we don't want to do this but it's how we cope. We explained that we need professional help but my parents never wants to talk mental health. My mom asks me what I use, I said a blade. She told me to bring it to her, so I did. She held it, looked at it and went (TW) : ""So this is what you use? Is this how you do it?"" And she FUCKING RAN THE BLADE OVER HER ARM AND CUT HERSELF AND WHEN I TELL YOU IM SO FUCKED FROM THAT MEMORY I FUCKING MEAN IT WHAT THE ACTUAL LIVING BREATHING THRIVING FUCK WAS THAT. FUCK ME. Her arm started to bleed a little bit and though she did look a little bit shameful with what she did they just continued to yell at us. I just couldn't stop staring at her arm it broke me so much. I felt sick, violated, heart broken, scared, worried, and most of all I wanted to yeet so bad. I would do a tldr but I really don't like this memory and don't want to talk about it ever again but yeah thought I'd share comments and reflections on this are greatly appreciated I don't know what the fuck just what the fuck ----------------------------------------- UPDATE: wow thank you all so much for the support it really means a lot to me ♥️ I haven't told anyone in my life about this before and it really makes me feel validated to know that I'm not just being overdramatic. I would comment on every supportive comment I see but I really don't want to think about this situation whenever I don't have to. I plan to see a psychiatrist for depression and then see a therapist who I can open up to about this shit. Thank you so much! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 1244,"Title: Working at a long term healthcare facility and being harassed Text: I work in a nursing home and I love my job a lot the residents for the most part are great but there are a couple that are really really stressful. There was a resident that routinely would grab and grope female staff and he grabbed me several times. There’s another one that cornered and tried to enter a bathroom with a minor 17 year old girl from the kitchen. He will jump into the elevator with me and try to grab me. Anytime I’m alone with him he will say disgusting things. I told a manager I was comfortable with and she said to report it since he could do the same to another resident. When I did I was told by the social services director that she has talked with him several times and that’s just how he is. When my husband came to work with me he asked in orientation about sexual harassment against staff by residents and how it’s handled and he was told if that’s how he feels he is in the wrong field. Since the pandemic started this man has gotten more and more aggressive. It’s to the point I don’t feel safe going alone to an area I know he will be in and I don’t know what to do. I’m worried if I keep trying to report him I’ll get fired and labeled a trouble maker For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 1245,"Title: This Tuesday it will have been exactly one year since I was r@ped/SAed and it's making me extremely depressed. Text: It feels like I am back then... I haven't left my room in two days except to get food. I even skipped class today and I am honestly really lost with what is going on at uni. I'm supposed to meet a friend tomorrow and I just really don't feel like going outside. I'm constantly feeling stressed but it's a much more pervasive kind of stress that never stops even when I am alone in my room. I'm tired and sick of this. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1246,"Title: Please help is this normal Text: I’ve been admitted for past 3 days, I have gastritis and possibly some small intestine issue my major issue is physical which led to b12 deficiency leading to anxiety for past few months. I’ve improved after injections. I felt lightheaded like about to pass out and my symptoms made my GI admit me and make me consult a neuro. I have syncopes cause of gastritis and I’m scared of fainting in general. My GI recommended me to talk to the hospital psychiatrist cause of such distress. He said I have developed little anxiety cause I’ve been chronically ill and that I don’t have anxiety disorder. But prescribed escitalopram 10mg. I was alright yesterday giddiness resolved and gastric issues settled little, waiting to take mri and discharge but after taking that tablet last night, I couldn’t sleep at all, I was restless agitated, my mouth became so dry even after an entire bottle of water, most scary symptom was I felt this weird burning sensation in the skin of my arms upto palm both sides and sometimes chest, back and neck as well, my gastritis aggravated so much that I had severe shooting pain in my stomach. They put me on normal saline trips and dry mouth resolved and I slept in the morning. At 2pm again had burning sensations, my GI said not to take escitalopram again and said it must be cause of it. Has anyone experienced this? Is it normal? I only took only one dose 10mg, how long will these effects last? Will it go away? I’m so worried, I already have enough pain to deal with and this on top of it is making me scared. Please help! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1247,"Title: is putting a clip in my arm oka Text: I am taking a wood clip from a food bag (Idk what they are called) and clipping it in my arm for a long time. Is this dangerous in any way For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1248,"Title: i slept 12 hours today Text: i slept 12 hours today and i wish i could had slept more. i woke up with no notifications and i got so sad. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1249,"Title: He left me... and I've never felt more pathetic. Text: I always thought I'd leave him. At some point I'd grow a pair, I'd stop listening to him tell me how it was my fault and I'd stop BELIEVING it was my fault, and I would be the one to leave. I'd tell him to go to hell and I'd get a fresh start away from his toxic influence. But he dumped me instead. It feels like a punch in the gut. After everything he put me through, the financial, emotional, physical and sexual abuse, HE left ME. I'm having a really hard time coping with it. I know this will work out and it's better that its over. But he stole everything from me, even my happy ending. I guess I wasn't a good enough punching bag. Has anyone else been in this situation? How did you cope? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1250,"Title: I feel like a new pet for my parents. Text: It always happens and I don’t know why but I always get my hopes up. I’ll start a new hobby a couple of year ago it was choir. It’ll start off amazing my parents are supportive and kind. They came to every show and would listen to me practice. Compliment me on my voice and it is so nice. And then they get bored of me. Like the crusty old dog or cat that’s sitting your living room right now. The one that when they were 5 weeks old you’d never let them leave your sight. And now, you left your beloved pet alone. They only new you as the one who would always be there to play or to teach them new tricks. They got used to your kindness they *loved* your kindness. But they loose their cuteness they lose their fluff and your bored of them and you leave. And now I’m that pet. They stop coming to concerts stop asking about new hobbies. It’s started over again. I’ve joined drama and they love that I’m taking responsibility as stage manager. But it’s already ending and yet it barely started. I’m driving myself to school now, no more “I love you”s or “have a great day at school sweetie”. Now I just wake up get ready and leave. I’m at school 7am-9pm I go home take a shower and go to sleep. When drama ends and I’ll be leaving school a couple hours nothing will change. Family dinners, game nights, hanging out at the cousins house. It’s all gone now. I got sad and lonely and I’d lock myself in my room and my parents never questioned it. I’m alone again. Drama is over. Friend groups are formed and I’m not in any. And I’m here in my room alone. No more family bonding activities. I’m independent. I’m so lonely. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1251,"Title: How do I hide sh on arms? Text: I love working out - it’s one of my better coping mechanisms. But I only have t-shirts I can wear when working out. I didn’t think of this before now, and it’s my first time sh’ing on my arms instead of thighs. I get super sweaty and hot with a t-shirt so I don’t think a hoodie will work. Same goes to swimming at school. I don’t like it swimming tho. Anybody know anything I can cover it with when working out or swimming? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1252,"Title: cats r cool Text: My cat whenever I start to cut myself sits on my lap and trys to comfort me ig I don't care if she's not actually doing that but I think it's sweet For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1253,"Title: Tired of playing scenarios in my head that don’t even exist. Text: . For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1254,"Title: I don't get invited to parties. Text: I have friends and I talk to people. They at least act as though they like me. Just never get told where the party is at is all. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1255,"Title: Is this sexual harassment? Text: So at work this guy literally talked my ear off for like an hour and than was really weird and asked me out. So I told him I haven’t been dating or anything. (I been happy just being alone and living a celibate lifestyle.) So he asked me about “my needs” and masterdation. It was so awkward. Than today he kept coming over all day so my coworkers and I have been calling him stalker because he doesn’t leave me alone. He also told me all this stuff about all the women he loves died, including his ex wife’s and mother. I felt really bad and I told him I was really sorry. He also keep telling me about all this money he is going to inherit 🙄🙄 and it was really awkward. He also told me women of my generation are stuck up. Just because I’m not into you that way doesn’t make me stuck up. I told him he can be friends like normal adults. I’m fine with talking to him at work but I’m not looking for anytime romantic or sexual right now. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 1256,"Title: A female coworker hugged me this morning as I got off my midnight shift. She said I was looking down. I got into my car, and had a crying breakdown. Why the fuck are we humans like this? Text: She smelled so nice too. Edit1: I feel like some of you have misunderstood me. I meant to say why we humans can have something as simple as a hug from a friendly acquaintance that can send us into a crying breakdown. Edit2: This is by far my most blown up point. I appreciate all the love, and can't believe someone actually gave me a silver. That's fucking nuts. I love all you guys/gals, so keep up the good work on lonely. :) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1257,"Title: A 16 year old boy was murdered by his 'friends' 9 years ago. To this day, I still cry over it, even when everyone else has forgotten about him. Text: (Just to preface I have BPD and also mild OCD) A 16 year old boy was murdered by his 'friends' 9 years ago. To this day, I still cry over it, even when everyone else has forgotten about him. I don't know why, but this death always makes me feel IMMENSELY sad whenever I think about it. It was in Winter, the 16 year old boy was having some kind of night out with his friends. I'm not sure how long he'd known these friends, but he was seen at at a McDonald's with these friends, and wasn't seen alive again. The boy was reported as missing and a search was underway. Early the next morning, he was found in his car in the middle of nowhere, dead and half-frozen. He'd been choked to death and from what I recall it was quite violent as bruises were repeatedly mentioned. The suspects were never charged due to insufficient evidence. None of the boy's belongings were taken and no motive was revealed. The case remains officially 'unsolved' to this day and from what I recall only one or two YouTube narrators ever mentioned the case with updates. It's like everyone just..forgot about him. His death didn't even get into the national news and it was only mentioned in a few papers. I just think, it must've been so scary to be alone at night in the middle of nowhere with a group of three friends who seemed completely normal up until that point with him in the car with them, then they (for no apparent reason) turned on him and killed him. That's like a living nightmare. Then to add insult to injury the suspects were never charged so the kid (and his girlfriend) doesn't even have any closure. This case kind of makes me want ghosts/spirits to not be real, because if his ghost/spirit is still wandering around, I feel like your murderers getting away with murder would be absolute torture and you still don't know why they just killed you out of the blue in a really painful slow way. If that happened to me I think I'd have a massive mental breakdown in my mind as I died. I wish there just could have been someone walking by so they could've saved him. Then he'd still be alive. He'd be 25 years old now. Sometimes I get reminded of his death and I cry. I imagine the terror he went through and the fear, the hopelessness, the terrified look on his face, the feeling of betrayal, how it was all dark/alone in that car, everything. For some reason he tends to come up in my dreams a lot, like I'll dream that it comes up in the newspaper that he made some miraculous recovery in the hospital, and he awoke from a coma and he's still alive. I get excited and happy, then I wake up and realize it's just a dream and he's gone. I keep feeling his sadness, and thoughts running through his head like ''why are you doing this to me'' or ''they're killing me and nobody's around to help'' and ''is this a nightmare''. Recently I saw a video of what a body looks like at various days/years after death and by now his clothes would look all torn and he'd be mostly bones by now. I had to stop the video because it made me think about him in that state and I cried for hours. I imagine him bleeding from his eyes, nose and mouth before he died and it makes me cry. If I ever travel to the town/state he died in, I'd make it a point to get some flowers for him and leave them at his grave. (To the boy) even though I never knew you I hope that wherever you are right now, you're safe. I really hope you aren't suffering or in pain anymore and wherever you are, I hope you're happy. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1258,"Title: i used to not want to do it because of the pain it would cause the people around me, but i just don't care anymore Text: i feel completely pointless, and like i have no control over my life. i don't feel like a real person, and i know for a fact that i'm just an inconvenience to everyone in my life. they'd be better off without me. my self harm is the worst its ever been - cutting deep daily. i just don't care anymore. i almost feel like i want someone else to take over for a bit now. over the last 3 days i've been buying pills and have now got enough to kill me. i think i'm going to walk over to the bridge by my house tonight and take them, then jump. covering alp bases and that. and at least if it goes wrong, i'll have eaten enough painkillers to make it a comfy experience. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_active_ongoing" Question 1259,"Title: walking in the nature helps Text: this is another idea i wanted to share with you and myself. when i walk/run in a nearby trail. i smell fresh air. listen to birds. get some sun on my face (the sun shines a lot here in Algeria) i get good feeling. and it helps with my suicidal thoughts in case you wanted to try. i hope you feel better! stay safe. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1260,"Title: i’m not scared anymore Text: being afraid of death was one of the main things holding me back but i don’t think i’m scared anymore to die. i don’t know how much longer i have left. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1261,"Title: Struggling with depression without medication Text: I am literally trying to get my shit together since my parents refused it because of financial issues. I hate them so much because of it. Trying to meditate , excercise, i would say it helps but the time of relapse is very short. Life without a friend is really hard. i don't think i will be able to loved anymore or i will be able to love anyone anymore. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1262,"Title: I will drink a bottle of brandy and drown myself in the ocean tonight Text: I cannot fail. - Ruined my career - Jobless - HIV positive and have infected someone I care about. - Bad smile.... Damaged teeth that ruined all my relationships. - No friends - No girlfriend - Terrible credit record - Drowning in debt - Criminal record due to drinking and driving. - Trans tendencies, I have been masturbating to gay porn as off late😩😩 - Ashamed of myself - Lost everything in the past 2 years, my job, my 2 cars, I'm about to be homeless now. My girlfriend and all my friends I'm a terrible person and I can't do this anymore. I've been alone for more than a year now. Days go by without ever seeing or talking to anyone For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1263,"Title: Is this sexual harassment Text: So I was hanging out with someone that was becoming my friend. We both could tell we had a connection in general. So we had always talked in passing at college and even worked together. When the pandemic happened we hadn’t seen each other in a year. When I came back to college I ended up interviewing him for a class, and he said we should hang out. Long story short I stayed in my colleges city for the summer and he was moving back and forth to where he’s living after college he is a year ahead of me. So we end up getting dinner a few days before I’m moving back home until school starts and we end up going back to my apartment. Coincidentally my roommates were out of town and we end up playing this game “we’re not really strangers”. If you know the game it can get deep. So I start learning more about him and I feel a connection again. So one of the questions he got was “how can I help you”, and the game had me ask him. He’s like “oh my lips could use some help” alluding to me kissing him. Side note: I’m a guy as well. Personally I’m not fully sure if I can see myself being fully intimate (having intercourse) with another man, but I like intimacy like 2nd base stuff. Anyways I don’t really address it and he goes for his turn. Once we finish the game, we’re looking at each other and he’s like “ugh kiss me already” like jokingly but obviously serious. I just laugh and get quiet. We’re sitting on the couch under a cover he goes under the cover and starts kissing my hand. It sounds weird, but it felt good not gonna lie. I put my head under the cover too and I look at him and I’m like idk we’re building a friendship and hooking up complicates things. He’s like trust me you couldn’t do anything wrong and this won’t complicate things. So after a while I give in and we kiss and touch etc…So then he’s like the couch isn’t comfortable and I’m like ok…. He was like can we go to the bed. And I blatantly say I’m not having sex. He’s like no no we don’t have to f*** but it’s more comfortable. I’m like fine, then when we’re in bed we’re making out which was all consensual, here’s where the lines are blurred. He tries to pull down my shorts assuming he was trying to give me head. And I was like no. He was like sorry I’m just so horny in a very dramatic way almost like he was trying to guilt me, but I don’t think this was done intentionally. Then he laid next to me and just kept saying I’m so horny and pulled out his dick jerking off but like turned a little as if he wanted me to see but didn’t want to make it obvious. That made me uncomfortable and i kinda felt like he was trying to coerce me into doing more even tho I made it clear I wasn’t going to. The day after I felt fine bc I did enjoy most the night. But it’s been very conflicting bc on one hand it was pleasurable and on the other I feel manipulated and borderline used. It wasn’t until days later talking to my friend that I found out this could be sexual harassment. It’s hard bc I like them as a person but I also feel so hurt by them. Was this sexual harassment? I’d love to hear y’all’s thoughts. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 1264,"Title: Communication issues after DV relationship Text: I’ve never posted on Reddit before, so hello 👋🏻 I’m having issues communicating to my current partner which I do believe stems from being in my previous DV relationship & my trauma/ptsd. My relationship now is very healthy & my partner cares very much about my feelings & thoughts but I struggle really hard to communicate, even basic thoughts I’m having or just small issues that aren’t a big deal but I have questions or concerns about. I almost can’t physically speak for minutes I either think I’m going to sound outrageous or that there is going to be some kind of terrible outcome for me suggesting certain things. Has anyone else had anything similar? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1265,"Title: Can peer pressure be sexual harassment Text: So I was basically pressured to show my bewbs by my friend and his friends. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 1266,"Title: help. Text: Hi, I'm a boy who has been having suicidal thoughts for a long time now. There are many reasons for this, and I will not tell you about the most personal ones. I feel worthless. I feel like no one likes me, even though I have good friends. I'm stupid, I do poorly on every test I take, I struggle socially, and I can't seem to get anything right. I'm trying my best to turn this around, but nothing has completely cleared the mind. I've taken up weightlifting and picked up new hobbies, but they're still there. I want to work in technology, but I also feel that I am too stupid to do this and my work will end up as an office job. I'll try to see how this school year goes, but I'm not sure of anything at this point. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1267,"Title: Is this rape? Text: I just need to vent this out cause I don’t have someone to talk to I’m going to hold back some information for privacy in case the person finds this..Okey, so english is not my first language but I just have to get this out before I explode. It started when I matched with a guy on tinder and we started to talking, then calling and facetiming each other. We talked for about 3 weeks before we meet, I was visiting him at his house because he was home alone and all that shit.. So it started out just fine and we were vibe’s and had so much fun.. but then he started to get touchy and we ended up having intercourse, the first time was great but here is where it’s going wrong. So we decided to go to bed and I fell asleep fast, then in the morning I sensing some movement in the sheets and he is jerking of beside me, i’m still pretending to sleep and let him do him self.. Then I felt a hand starting to take off my trousers and he just sticks it in and goes off. I’m in shook and just laying there. Later we ended up having intercourse again but am awake this time. This time we are having great sex again but it’s start to hurt, we are having missionary with my legs on his shoulder but I ended up taking them down and says stop, he’s says “just little bit more” and continue, It hurting even more and I says stop again, this time he is leaning forward and lays over me, and still continues, so I says stop one more time and he stops a little bit and says he wants to continue till he yeah, I’m saying it hurts and I want to stop, he trying to put it in again but then i’m pushing him away and says no. He stars to complain he didn’t came and all that. So I said I didn’t came the other times either so he has nothing to cry over. It ended up with me going home and sending him a text with the “it’s not okey for you to continue after I told you to stop” He ended up calling me and says he want a new change and he understands now that the thing he did was not okey and all that, but is this rape? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1268,"Title: Small Victory Text: Now that I’ve left my husband, I’ve felt a weirdly over exaggerated sense of joy from wearing earrings. I was too scared to wear them during the last years of our relationship since he would hit my ears, causing multiple otohematomas, and eventually permanently disfigured my left ear. I was also scared he would just pull them, splitting my earlobes. He liked to bite me too, so it wasn’t far-fetched. I’ve always loved over-the-topish earrings and it’s one of the few pieces of jewellery that doesn’t interfere with my work. Just a small thing to be appreciative of after leaving, despite all the challenges that have also been presented. I know it’s hard, but I hope others have been able to find happiness in their transition/recovery. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1269,"Title: I am not sure what to do Text: I am in a resteraunt having dinner with my wife. Across the room is a couple that im picking up tons of nonverbal cues from, screaming domestic violence. Ftr, I have a background in LE, social work, and counseling....i kinda know what to look for. She is hunched over the bar protecting her food, her nose has been broken multiple times (obviously) there are bruises under her eyes on her arms and neck, she keeps her head low but eyes are constantly scanning the room as of shes terrified. She eats and chews as of her jaw is broken or dislocated, very slow, obvious pain. He is relaxed, watching sports but on multiple occasions i have seen him make eye contact with her and she immediately recoiled and looked down to the ground. He is very outgoing, flirting with the waitresses and she has not spoken to anyone since they entered Everything in me screams that I should say something. But i dont know what, im no longer an LEO or SW, I am out of state and have no legal jurisdiction....if im wrong then im just over anaylyzing and will make a fool of us all. Suggestions? Update: they left, i went to the parking lot ""for a smoke"" and got a Licenses Plate. Im calling in to non emergency local PD. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1270,"Title: anyone else here not do it every day Text: it's so odd, sometimes i go a week or so without self harming and i feel fine n then all of a sudden i do it again for no good reason. it's not even like i get a strong urge i just find my hand gravitating towards the blade and all of sudden ive hurt myself again. if there's a reason or a cause it's usually not even something that upset me that much, just something that made me feel a little bad. it's silly but i hurt myself more over benign shit than things that deeply upset me. i guess it's probably because if im crying a lot its harder to actually go and get a blade. it makes me feel like im just choosing to do this and i don't actually have a problem, like i could just stop at any time because i manage to go a while without it anyway. sorry this is a bit rambly, but does anyone else relate? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1271,"Title: Left an abusive relationship 704 days ago. Been living out of my car ever since because of terrible shelter experiences. Text: For context I’m a 36 year old male who has no money due to not having a place to stay. When I was in a non private room I had some items stolen and was assaulted. Because of this I will only stay in a private room. However the catch 22 is you have to stay in a shared space for 30 days before you can get a private room. I have spent 6-8 hours a day since march 28th trying to find a private space to stay so I can work on getting a divorce. Everyone including domestic abuse shelters just tells me to keep calling back or wait until winter until they give hotel vouchers away. At this point I’m tapped out of trying and debating going back Just because I know what kind of abuse to expect. Any advice would be great. Im pretty broken right now and have pretty bad depression and learned helplessness right now For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1272,"Title: Hurt Text: I feel awful like I want to die. I don’t want to be here anymore. I’m tired of all the pain and I feel completely alone, empty and lost For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1273,"Title: I need help: ADHD, Depression, and Social Anxiety Text: I started back on meds not too long ago, Zoloft and Vivance for my illnesses a little while ago. Since then, everything’s felt weird to me. I feel like I’ve been suffering memory loss, I’ll forget the small things all the time. I’ve already got issues socializing as is, but sometime it feels worse than before, I conk out completely and can’t think of anything to say despite wanting to say something. Lastly, my emotions feel like they’ve been nullified. There’s been so many times where I’ve needed there to be emotion and my body tries to get them out, but for some reason, nothing could come out. Mostly it’s been sadness/crying, but it’s like that with other emotions too. I tried stopping them for a day and it didn’t work for me at all, I went to work grumpy as could be, but I desperately want to because I don’t feel like myself. Everybody at work sees me as soon cheery guy and everybody likes that, but that’s not fully me. I’m a generally cheery person, but I tend to be a playful smart aleck. It hasn’t been that way recently though, I’m just cheery 24/7 now without much other emotion. I’m mentally tired and want this to stop, but I want the good effects of my meds to stay so I can live an easier life. What should I do? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1274,"Title: Soooooo[tw mention of sh] Text: Hypothetical speaking If I did like 9 cat scratches on my chest it wouldn't cause and long lasting damage right (Asking here cus idk where else to ask) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1275,"Title: It gets better is just a lie. Text: I feel like the only reason people ever say that things will get better is just bullshit endocrine from the government so people won't kill themselves. Things DO NOT get better. Things sometimes seem okay or fine or like they will get better. Next thing you know, you're getting slammed in the face with bullshit. No matter what the fuck you do, shit goes downhill. You try to ""pull yourself up by your bootstraps"" (🙄) just to get kicked off the mountain by someone. As a child, I used to believe that bad people were a rare commodity. However, as an adult, I realize there's more corrupt than good in our populus. Why would anyone want to live in a world where there's more evil than good??? The only things I wanted in life were to be financially comfortable, have a job I didn't hate and have a family. I don't think I'll be able to achieve even one out of the three goals. I'm so tired of the constant struggle just to fucking cry every evening after working my ass off day after day with nothing to show for it. I'm so tired of it all. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1276,"Title: I don’t know what to do… Text: I was with a man for three months and he was beating me and holding a knife up to me pretty often. Just yesterday, he woke up and punched me in my stomach and face. It then escalated to him stabbing me with a knife in my leg. I got him arrested by saying he hit me but I didn’t mentioned that he stabbed me. I don’t want him locked up for that long. I feel really bad. My family is trying to force me to report the stabbing but I can’t find it in my heart to do it. How do I get out of this? I’m moving far away anyways so I don’t see the point of ruining his life for years For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1277,"Title: This shit doesn't even feel good anymore. Text: I went back after 5 months,it used to give this sweet relief Panic attack? Gone Worries? Gone Now it just hurts like a bitch and doesn't do anything.My only way of relief is fucking gone and I don't know what I should do to keep myself alive. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 1278,"Title: Left 30 Year Abusive Marriage; The Trauma is Effecting My Health. Text: First Reddit Post Ever. **A lot of firsts for me**: first bank account on my own, first time I've had full control over the windows in my own house. First time I'm allowed to have male friends, first real relationship breakup. I developed a **double life**; one in which I would go to work and earn the money (he was on social security/disability), I would accomplish tremendous acts of human service while at work, have lunch with friends, and go to Zumba classes, only to come home to a **sickly home life**, where chronic issues persisted. His temper flare ups made my heart race, and I was thankful each time, because I successfully dodged whatever dish was being thrown at me from across the table or room. I **convinced myself that it wasn't domestic violence** because...It was mostly emotional abuse and property damage. I was never injured (I just dodge well), and with his disability and mental health issues, his abuse was ""just a behavior issue"" in need of resolution. Well, about 9 months ago all HELL broke loose. I got fed up and **announced divorce. He threatened to kill me**, took away my phone, destroyed my vitamins and medications, took the car, destroyed all my/our old pictures, destroyed all of our furniture, and killed my pet. **I had to have a friend pick me up** immediately and **I went on the run for several months**. Bounced between hotels and friend's house, while he stalked and threatened me by text and phone...until the local, anonymous DV shelter felt I was a good candidate for emergency shelter. After living at the shelter for a little while, **I got my own apartment** (my first apartment on my own, ever), YAY! Soon after, just before Christmas, **I fell down the stairs.** My kitchen and bathroom are on different floors and I spent my entire winter pulling myself up and down the stairs and trying to get food delivered directly to my door, which was very expensive and difficult. It's taken four months to receive my EDD SDI payments, and while I was on medical leave, the bills for all of his destruction and financial abuse have come rolling in. While all of this is going on, I'm trying to cut myself off from him...ending utility services at the old house, making sure I have separate anonymous PO box for the divorce papers so he cannot find me, etc. I finally got back to work, but my **doctor starts me off at half time** (20 hours per week). Boom! **I'm now sick**. All of my chronic pain conditions flaring up at once. I'm also simply frustrated, and tired of struggling. My coworkers greeted me back to work with, ""well I bet you had a nice restful and relaxing time off."" I'm just stunned by their lack of situational awareness. The pain is so severe, I can barely concentrate; it's hard to hold a train of thought, or even form words, sometimes. On top of it all, my entire department at work is having a major construction overhaul, and I get random spurts of **heavy male footsteps rumbling through the floor behind me** as they take measurements for the project. I rip my headphones off, and nearly give myself whiplash trying to make sure I'm safe from behind. Life is hard right now. I'm trying to adapt. I have various healthy coping mechanisms I engage with. It's just all too much for me. One year ago, I was still with my ex; the word ""abuse"" was never even on my radar. Now, nine months after all hell broke loose, I am ill. I feel like **I'm in a different world**, and it's **very alienating, strange, and difficult to vibe with** sometimes. My confidence is shot, even though I've truly accomplished a lot in extricating myself from him and building my own life in record time. I need helpful medical / psychological journal articles, therapeutic ideas, mental devices, trigger strategies, yoga poses, and herbal teas. (Anything working well for you?) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1279,"Title: rant Text: every fucking time a woman starts talking about her rape story or rape in general there's men saying ""it happens to men too"" but today i seen a man share his story and the comments were split between women being supportive and men making jokes and saying shit like ""why didn't u fight back"" ""did u enjoy it"" ""women can't rape"" ""how could u let that happen ur a man"" he was showing the clothes he was wearing and it was a child batman costume how tf was he supposed to 'fight back'?! stop victim blaming, stop acting like it only happens to women, stop bringing up men only when a woman shares her story, stop treating rape as a joke. sorry had to get that off my chest :/ (ik not all men say this kind of stuff i'm just mad at this specific group of boys) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1280,"Title: I'm too naive for my own good and trust people too quickly and I think it has ruined my life. Text: I (20F) have had a rough time these last few years. Part of this is due to me being too immediately trusting of people -- I assume everyone has good intentions with me, and it's led me into some pretty horrible situations that I have been lucky to get out of. I was pretty sheltered growing up, and when I got my first taste of ""freedom"", things went off the rails. I have healed from some of the things I have been through. Others have been ongoing and a personal hell to deal with. I don't think I'm 100% an idiot, but when it comes to social situations and understanding other people, I'm not that great. I was hospitalized as a young girl for an extended period of time for medical issues. I was bullied a lot in elementary school and middle school, and it got worse in high school when I put too much merit in the friendships and relationships that I did have and ended up ruining them, then felt like I could do nothing right and shutting myself in for the rest of high school. I finished high school online and didn't really socialize for the last two years I was in it at all. Now that I'm in college and back in the ""real world"", I trust people too quickly, be it friends, boyfriends, people I meet online, or anybody. I think for a while I was desperate for any connection after feeling alone for so long, but it has become a habit over time. Eventually, though, the overthinking sets in and I self-destruct with my friendships. I'm way too trusting in relationships as well and have done things that make me question my own mental sanity. I have seen horrible, horrible things happen to me and maybe naivete isn't the right excuse for it; I know what my bad decisions are when I'm making them, but I've reached a point in my life where I don't really care if I'm making dogshit decisions because my life will be terrible either way it feels. I don't think my friends now really like me. I don't think I'm unlikable as a whole or right off the bat -- despite everything I've been through socially, I'm told that I'm charismatic and fun to be around. However, I think after enough time around me, people get sick of me or I just do some stupid, self-destructive shit for no reason and ruin a perfectly good relationship. With my current friend group, I think they're just beginning to realize how strange of a person I actually am and that realization is setting in. I feel like I moved too fast in one of my current friendships and now it's awkward and kind of weird. I think that's part of the trusting people too quickly thing because now I'm not even sure if I WANT to be friends with this person. Maybe that's just how I feel about myself. I'm reaching this point in my life where I want to be alone all the time, honestly. Being social and going out and socializing with my friends drains me in a way that it didn't use to. I think about cringe-worthy past social experiences and I am filled with dread. I spend loads of time with my loving, caring, and optimistic boyfriend but I am worried that eventually, he will get sick of me too. I'm sick of having to live with myself. I don't know how to improve the state of my social relationships. I feel them slipping away from my grip which I might be okay with. I can't tell if that's a sign that things are getting bad again or not. I wish being social could go back to being easy like it used to feel, but now it's some complex game that no matter what move I make, I always lose. That might have been incomprehensible. Anyway, that's all I have to say. My head feels jumbled. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1281,"Title: relapsed Text: i dont know how to tell my boyfriend. he knows i used to sh but thinks i havent done it in a long time. idk what to say, hes probably gonna find out on his own eventually if i dont say something For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1282,"Title: I’m at a loss Text: So I’m not to sure what to do. I haven’t been dealing with my health/mental health for a very long time. I’m 18f and I’ve had pretty bad mental health since I was about 8 or so. I don’t remember much of my childhood for that reason. I’m my family I was there to be a second parent for my nieces and nephew. So as I grew up all I did was school, work (when I turned 16) and taking care of kids. I don’t have a social life and the little friends I do have only like me for money (I buy a lot for them so they would stay my friends) my mom kicked me out in February of this year and from there it was work sleep repeat. I now don’t have a job and I’m in a alternative school and live in a dorm. I now have a lot of free time and all the things that I have been pushing down have been coming to the surface. I don’t know what to do and I don’t have anyone to talk to. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1283,"Title: I have a question Text: I have a question How manny gay people are self harming? With “gay” I mean the hole lgbtq+ community It’s just. I self harm, I’m bisexual. My friend self harm ( I think. She haven’t told me officially, but im pretty sure ) she is pansexual. If you are “gay” and self harm/ know someone who is “gay” and self harm can you please tell me? I’m just wondering For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1284,"Title: Happy Tears Text: I’ve been clear for 25 days and showed my girşfriend that my scars are dissappearing, and then she kissed my wrist and it was probably one of my happiest moment in life. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 1285,"Title: I’m scared to die Text: I’m scared to die but I know for the good of everyone, I must die. I need to conquer my fear so my loved ones can be freed from this burden. Whenever I try to muster up the courage I get distressed and end up telling people, and they talk me out of it. I need to accept my fate with no fear and with silence. Wish me luck y’all For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1286,"Title: I had a fight with my Dad Text: So my parents are divorced and estranged. My family is also deeply religious. To complicate the problem I have diagnosed bpd and DID. Also my father is what’s called my favorite person. He told me that he thinks that I only go to church functions because of him which hurt because he was basically invalidating my faith (a big deal in my family). I went to the church function he was mad at me for not going to a little late. When i got home, I sat in the car for an hour afraid of my father and texting friends for advice before going to stay and my grandparents house. When I went to get clothes with my grandma, he accused me of twisting every thing that he said and he compared me to my mother who gaslight him. He’s my FP and if he hates me I don’t know how much longer i can keep myself from SH. I’m questioning the worth of my life if he hates me. Having an FP really fucking sucks. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 1287,"Title: Just an option Text: Do anyone feel like they are good friends with someone and the next moment they just don’t care about you anymore…or is it just me? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1288,"Title: Struggling with emotions? Could anyone provide insight please Text: I’ll start of with the basic information, i have been struggling with depression and anxiety for up to five years now, and this year in late April I had been put on 25mg of Zoloft then 50mg and finally 100mg I had already had my bouts of being numb and not feeling much, before I got started on medication but I still feel so blunt? I can’t remember much and I only feel slight emotions that are awfully dull. I though my meds were supposed to help with this? I forget to take them very often so maybe that’s a factor? Really all I want is advice or some insight about this, i’m 15 so just changing medicine is going to be difficult. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1289,"Title: I hate people's reactions sometimes Text: I've been hearing several times that I'm romanticizing sh just because I don't always cover my scars and it pisses me off so mcuh. Like, I'm not proud of them but I'm not even ashamed of them. I don't want to be drenched in sweat in summer just because of people like you. And besides, my parents know, my psychiatrist knows and so does everyone else I care about so I have nothing to hide. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 1290,"Title: ‘Red Blood’ Poem by Me Text: The blood is not orange- The blood is neither black- The blood is never blue- The blood always comes back- The blood creeps down my leg- And the blood stains my clothes- The blood reminds me of my day- To me it's like having a dose- I don't care what people want- I don't care what people say- I don't care if what I do is wrong- If you're going to complain then please go away- There are still some faint marks- On my upper arm- There are still some harsh marks- On my upper thigh- The place that's hidden- Behind the cloth- My skin is like the light- And my razor is like a moth- I watch it creep out- I watch it spread around- I watch the scars open- Never to be found- For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1291,"Title: Is it possible to be permanently clean? Text: I’m currently over 2 months clean from hitting myself. I’ve established physically harmless (though still not pretty) alternatives to easing the frustration that drove me to hit, and I haven’t been tempted to go back to hitting. I like to think I’m finally safe for good, but then I read about people who relapsed after being clean for over a year and I wonder if that could be me somewhere down the line. Is there a point where one can truly say “I will never sh again?” How does one know they can? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 1292,"Title: Told my therapist about my SH! Text: I told her how I burn myself, why I burn myself, and about the fact that my lighter has become a twisted Comfort item that I get anxiety if I don't have. She's giving me the challenge to not take Sinner out of my pocket; I failed that nearly as soon as I get home, but I can work with that! Drawing instead of acting, watching stuff with my sibling, and just keeping myself distracted with Sinner still being allowed to be there... I can do that, slowly and it's going to take a little while, but that's doable! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1293,"Title: I am going to die anyways. Text: There is no way that I am going to be able to live for that long, if I will fail to commit suicide, other causes will kill me then because I don't care about my life and myself and I am more than fine with that. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1294,"Title: To the person that I overheard saying that they're glad I'm sad and alone. Text: First of all what the hell did I do to you? Second why would you pick on someone that is clearly in a low point in there life? Finally, I'm gonna fix my life and show you that I can be happy just because I'm petty. Here's a big fuck you just to prove that you're wrong For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1295,"Title: My Mom was SA'd. Someone Stop me from ending this guy. Text: My mom opened up to me about being SA'd two months ago. I was heartbroken when she handed me the rape kit documents and explained what happened. I want to DESTROY this guy. I am so angry. My mother is fucking 65 years old. I know she reported it, but because this guy apparently has money..They recommend she get a private attorney, but she lives on SS. I'm scared she won't get justice. Fixing to pack my black hoodie and vandalize the fuck out of his house. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1296,"Title: depression sucks Text: Depression sucks but I get so much joy from dancing. My family doesn't understand For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1297,"Title: I threw away my razors tonight Text: Someone i saw said they are 150 days clean. I want to be able to say that For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 1298,"Title: Why does everyone seem against me Text: Long story short I was raped by two police officers assigned to one of my cases. I told my art teacher and safeguarding teacher who have both seemed fairly helpful however neither my counselor nor the police understood my perspective and instead my counselor was telling me how to feel and what to do. What the actual fuck. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1299,"Title: my cut wont stop bleeding Text: my cut isnt that deep and its on my thigh and i cut last night. i woke up at 4 am and the gauze pad was very very full of blood and my sheets and blankets are covered in blood. the cut is not that big but it is still doing a fast drip and idk what to do For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1300,"Title: My birthday Text: This is kinda weird since it's not my birthday today. I turned 18 half a year ago. This is more like me opening up. So that day I knew that I'm not gonna get a lot of wishes since I've never had a great group of friends. Still, I managed to stay happy since I knew my only friend would remember my birthday. Or at least I assumed this since she remembered previous years too, and so I relied on it. But she forgot, which is okay since we humans do forget things. I still would lie if I said it didn't hurt. Turned out that no one besides my parents (and I'm really thankful for my parents) remembered my birthday. Turning 18 is a special day for many but to me, it was the day that I cried the most. I just felt so lonely. Even to this day it still does come to mind and gets me teary. It's just that I've always felt unnoticed so turning 18 was scary to me. And it doesn't make it easier to see my classmates and my cousins of the same age throwing a big party, and people would remember them and be happy for them. I only can dream of what this would be like. I guess it's too late to say happy 18th birthday to me but is there someone else who has had a lonely birthday? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1301,"Title: I ended it today and am heartbroken Text: I suffered years of abuse; strangulation, incredible emotional abuse among piles of broken things and messes to clean up. We lived together and he moved back to a different state because of his family. He has been gone for about a month and a half now. The other day in texts he said berating things to me so I blocked him, he blocked me, and now 2 days later I let him know how I felt and how much hurt he has caused me. He keeps reverting back that I need help, which I am, I was hospitalized in September for a “suicide attempt,” that was caused mainly because of him. The problem is the good part of him I don’t think I could ever let go of. I never imagined in this world to find someone so close to me and perfect for me. Just the bad does not outweigh the good and since he has been gone I’ve had incredible relief and my mental health has been great. I’m so heartbroken though. I know life will work the way it’s supposed to, but this really hurts. Anyone have any advice or went through similar? Love to you all For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","domesticviolence_past, suicideideation_active_past" Question 1302,"Title: Girl I like at work likes me back! Text: I've pretty much been lonely with low self esteem since leaving high school (I'm 25 now) and I've always had trouble finding a girl who is actually interested in me and that I connect with. Anyway....in the last 6 months or so I've somewhat improved my situation and been feeling better....I did however hit a dip for the last month and was pretty lonely again but somehow a girl that I really connect with at work actually really likes me! She basically sent me a drunken facebook message confessing a few things, explaining how she was thinking about me and thought I should know that she thinks I'm genuine kind person etc and wants to hang out. I talked to her the next day and explained the feelings are mutual. We really connect at work a lot so I'm excited to see how things turn out. Just wanted to vent a little as this sort of thing has pretty much never happened to me. Edit* man, I’ve never had so many people view my post, I appreciate the kind words 😊 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1303,"Title: i think my dad sexually harassed me Text: i’m 14 years old and my dad and mom are in their low 50’s. it was the first week of summer break and we were going on a trip to the beach for the weekend. the plan was to drive there, stop for lunch, then head down to the hotel. in the restaurant while we were waiting for our food, i was sitting next to my dad, and my mom infront of me. my das put his arm around my shoulder, then started rubbing my back. while he was rubbing my back he said “i could unhook your bra right now” while touching my bra strap. i felt uncomfortable and lowered myself in my chair. my mom squinted her eyes and glanced back and forth between both of us, but she never said anything about it. he removed his arm, and said “don’t let any boy unhook your bra” now i’ve always felt kind of uncomfortable by my dad, but i’ve never known if it was just because i was insecure or self conscious. whenever i wear swimsuits or t-shirts, i am always uncomfortable but i feel even more uncomfortable around my dad. when it’s just both of us in the house and he’s in the kitchen or living room, i go wait for him to leave in my bedroom. i would stay where i was, but his presence just makes me feel weird. i don’t know what to do, and i don’t know if this is normal. i’m also like this in a way with my grandpa on my dads side. i feel the same way around my mom, it’s just not as bad and not as frequent. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","sexualharassment_ongoing, childabuse_endangerment_ongoing" Question 1304,"Title: It will be better on the other side Text: I wish to go to heaven soon. There will be a family that loves me and even friends. I will be in a nice happy household, my parents would love me. I would go on to study what I'm passionate about. I will meet my pet that died and play with them again and tell them I missed them. We'll have fun forever. I'm sure this will happen. I wont suffer anymore in heaven. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1305,"Title: i am not okay. Text: i cut myself deep, i think. i’m bleeding a whole lot but maybe if i keep it up it could kill me. i’m so done with school.. i just embarrassed myself crying in front of my resource teacher today, and she looked and asked me if i’m okay and i just ignored her. i’m really tired of being pressured about all my work. like i’m really really really tired. i just started high school, nowhere near finished but i want to end it all. i’m not joking. maybe i sound like a psycho for trying to make myself bleed severely, but if you were living my life with emotionally ab4sive parents you’d do the same thing, probably.this is too much pressure on me. i’m 14 not 25. edit: so i’m about to walk into school and i just cut myself before i left the house… it’s bleeding a lot and it might be on my jacket. guess i have to hide that from my mom for a few days with blood stains in the inside. edit 2: i’m tired of people asking me am i okay. clearly fucking not. i dont even know how to answer you if you ask me that. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_active_ongoing" Question 1306,"Title: Any other boys here who sh? Text: I hate the stereotypes of self harm. It's always 'emo teen girl' kinda shit, you know? I feel like honestly alot of boys sh. But maybe just don't speak about it because how socially unacceptable it is. idk. I wanna ask- what's your gender? (is it cis) . and are you gay/not het? (or somehow lgbt) (14, he//him.) edit: 14, he/him//they. Bi/ lesbian(?) Trans/nb. edit 2: Excuse me. Who ever the fuck is down voting the trans comments, please go away. Thank you. 🏳️‍⚧️ For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1307,"Title: cleaning? Text: So I've been wondering, how should I go about cleaning my razor blade? I think my parents might have took all mine, but one hot left behind thankfully, because i can't seem to find the container i kept them hidden in. How should I clean it? Can I use hand soap maybe? My parents don't really know I still sh, and i don't want them to know. How could i clean them secretly? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1308,"Title: Is it my fault if I get a bulge picture? Text: I(24F) am friends with a guy(25F) whom I met online. We just talk sometimes, we aren't very close. Also he is gonna get married soon. Today morning he sent me a picture of his underwear bulge with the most non sense shit explaining it. He said ""see I have so many holes on my underwear. Does it mean I have some deadly disease?"". Of course that was intentional. My question is - does this count as sexual harassment? And is it my fault that he felt it's okay to send it to me? Is it my fault that I was nice to him so he felt it's okay to cross his limits? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 1309,"Title: How long after being raped did you feel ready to have sex again, if ever? Text: It’s not been long at all, only 3 months. But I feel lonely and all my friends are in relationships, I just wonder if I could ever enter the dating pool again For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1310,"Title: Self harm is an addiction Text: Anything can be an addicting behavior. The audacity some bitches swear to god For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1311,"Title: Missing something that doesn’t exist Text: Ever feel like there’s something missing? Maybe it’s a part of being human. Our never satisfying thirst for goals, money, love, etc. I’m not really sure what it is that I want. I think I want to be close with someone. Then again, I’m not really sure. I’ve forgotten what it feels like to be close to someone. I feel nostalgia for that feeling. It’s like it doesn’t even exist. I feel cold. I want to try to find it but I never do. I’m always saying “next week I’ll do it”. I don’t feel attracted to anyone anymore. Like I’m disconnected. What is attraction anyways, our body’s instinct reaction to find a mate? Maybe I’ve been alone for too long, or it’s trauma. There’s always going to be someone better than me, so why should I try? On a universal scale I’m a speck of dust trying to survive. Humans are weird creatures. 28 years old, not sure what I’m missing out on. What if I find the wrong person. What if I have a gf for years and then we break up, and I find someone to fall in love with again. Doesn’t that make love kind of meaningless? If it’s forever reaching, no matter who it is, what’s the point? Ignorance is bliss. Maybe I should stay alone. It’s peaceful and quiet like the snow, then everything melts away in time. That feeling still exists though. Missing something that doesn’t exist. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1312,"Title: . Text: I don't want this to continue. It's my birthday today and I don't feel like living anymore. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1313,"Title: ): Text: life just feels so weird there is no excitement there is nothing tying me to this earth idk what to do i constantly feel this way of wanting to do something realizing it wont make me feel anything so i end up doing nothing but sulking in these dark thoughts thinking i dont belong anywhere if i cant even enjoy myself in my own head how can i possibly be making her happy and cant make myself , i used to get haircuts everyweek now every few months. i used to hate working overtime bc i wanted to spend time with friends and her but now i work all the overtime bc it keeps my head busy and holds back those thoughts, it gives me a purpose but it’s temporary thats why i take molly on the weekends but thats killing me too and ik its not possible but when my heart starts racing on the come up a big part of me wishes it would stop my heart not gonna lie when i take it i hope of not making it to the next morning i make stupid amount of money as autobody tech $1000+ a week and nothing i spend it on will make me happy. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1314,"Title: I want to understand rape victims. Please help. Text: So I’ve been dating my girlfriend for almost 7 months now and we are running into a lot of issues. Our first 3 months, we were having sex probably once a week. Then all of a sudden she stopped. She tells me it is because of her trauma in the past, but if that was the case, why did we have sex? She said she wanted to and she enjoyed it…. But I just don’t get what changed. Can someone explain what is going on? (She hasn’t had therapy for any of this btw) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1315,"Title: how do you feel about people being friends with rapists? Text: i have come to the realization that a lot of people, especially men from what i have seen, tend to not call out rapists for what they have done/do. a lot of the time, people continue to stay friends with these horrible humans just to ""be there for them because they have no one else"" or even just because, even when they know what they have done to others in the past. in my opinion, i think this reflects extremely badly upon the person who is going out of their way to be friends with them. like they choose to spend their time entertaining a rapist because they feel bad for them? in what world does a rapist deserve anyone's sympathy? i think it's because it doesn't really affect them. like they don't give a shit about anything until it interferes with their life. makes me wanna shake them and be like yo do you get how selfish you are being! because it really does hurt victims seeing their rapist have so many friends - especially when everyone knows what happened. what do you guys feel about this? do you also feel as though men and people in general should hold rapists accountable or do you think these assholes deserve second, third, etc. chances? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1316,"Title: Anyone else very scared of inviting people out? Text: It just gives me so much anxiety, i feel like a burden, i feel like i will look ridiculous, why can't i just be normal For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1317,"Title: I hate it when you pretend that you care. Text: It boils my blood and it makes it even worse when you are gone. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1318,"Title: How can my abusive boyfriend and I better our relationship? Text: I know everyone’s answers to this would obviously be to leave him if he abuses me. But I love him enough to keep trying. He knows that what he does is bad, and that it’s a problem. He tries his best to be better but his best still isn’t perfect. It seems like for the past 9 months or so, our relationship has just been him blowing up at me, saying that he should break up with me or leave me, me convincing him not to, and then him staying. He doesn’t like this because he knows he’s hurting me, and he wants to leave me in order to stop hurting me. I don’t want him to leave me, and I want for us and for him to get better. We’ve tried making rules and solutions for this but we just end up ignoring them when we’re not in the right headspace. He says if we can find a solution that we *can’t ignore* then it would be much more likely to work and he would be willing to stay. I don’t know what some rules or solutions that I can suggest to him are. If anyone would help so that we have any ideas as to how to make this better please do. I don’t want him to leave me. Edit: I get you guys want me to leave him, but I’m not listening to that advice, I couldn’t handle being without him. He does want to be helped, and I’m trying to find ways to help him and us together. I just don’t know what exactly to do to help with just a really bad temper. Also I am a man. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1319,"Title: Did anyone feel like they died after getting Raped? Text: I haven't felt like the same person since that night in 2013. I am very much breathing and alive in the physical sense but I feel like a part of my soul died that day and I can't explain it. I also get frustrated because even tho I am currently going thru Post- Traumatic stress I can't seem to cry. The last time I cried about that situation was that night right after he raped me for the second time then it was as if I was a block of ice, Heartless. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1320,"Title: How to motivate myself to eat Text: I keep finding reasons to not eat. I’m so used to being hungry that it doesn’t bother me, but I find that not eating makes my depression worse. I don’t really have anything easy to make right now and I don’t want to cook because I’d have to do all the dishes. I don’t even really want to get up to eat a piece of bread or something. Forcing myself to eat has become a chore. How do I fix this? Any advice? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1321,"Title: Happy Halloween yall Text: Yup that’s it happy halloween For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1322,"Title: vent Text: I just dropped anti depressants and meds for anxiety because I have bi polar tendencies (I'm to young to be diagnosed) and now i am going to start taking a mood stabilizer. The anti depressants someone made me feel more depressed but whenever i would self harm it made me think less about stuff and made me think more about the fact that I am in pain and there is a bleeding cut on my arm lol. But of course my mom ended up finding out, then she told my dad, then my psychiatrist found out and then my therapist. Plus what's worse is I just feel numb all the time now. Like I'm half asleep. Which I had a way to suppress that but my dad went through my entire room and found all my tools. So now I am sitting in my room with an overwhelming urge to go outside and find the sharpest stick. I understand my parents want to help me but how are you supposed to help someone that doesn't want help. I can get a pencil sharpener from my school which I have resisted doing for 2 days but I don't think i am gonna resist much longer. 6 days self harm free forced tho lol. I swear my parents don't understand a thing. My dad threatened to put me in a psych ward. I don't know much about them all I know is I don't want to go to one. All I wanted to do was to be left alone in my room but instead my dad literally lifted the bean bag up from under me and said if I wasn't out of my room then he's calling 911 to get me in a ward. Felt like ranting, thanks, byebye For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1323,"Title: Take or leave? Text: Hello friends, I've recently realized that I'm being emotionally and verbally abused (and physically intimidated) by my husband. We live in a van together constantly on the move and he has complete control of my life. So, I'm leaving. We share a laptop that is technically his but I use it all the time (bought with our money, it still goes into one joint fund). I was wondering should I take it with me or leave it? He has a work issues desktop computer but it's a pain to set up and he doesn't really use it for personal things. I'm thinking I take it with me? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1324,"Title: I no longer trust fucking anyone Text: If a man can turn out to be a rapist after 3 years of you knowing him, no one can be trusted. I wonder how many of my ""friends"" have been raping or doing stuff like that behind my back. Trust no one and never, never let people near you. The best strategy is to never leave the house. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1325,"Title: Relapse Text: So, I'm not sure if this is allowed here or not- but I (16m) have been clean for almost 3 years, until about an hour ago. I'm currently going through a really rough time and have no one to talk to. I mean- I don't even know if these count as cuts, I broke a ruler in half and used that to scratch myself. It hurts, but I feel mentally clearer. I should feel guilty about relapsing, but most of all I'm just scared. Scared about when my parents see. I know how they'll react- angrily. Of course, it's only because they worry but it still doesn't make me feel any better. I want them to hold me and be gentle because I feel so fragile, but I know they'll just think I'm stupid for doing it. I don't know what to do with myself right now. The scratches are doing that thing where they like puff up I guess- how can I hide them without wearing anything long because it's hot? I did them on my wrist and I feel so stupid, like I should've done them somewhere easier to hide.. If this isn't allowed or needs some kind of trigger warning please let me know kindly and I'll fix the issue. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1326,"Title: Why the stigma Text: So I cannot understand why as a society we accept assisted suicide for those whose quality of life has been affected physically. But we don't support those whose quality of life has been severely affected mentally and emotionally. I think that any adult capable of making decisions for thier own well being should be offered the same supports should they choose to end thier life. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1327,"Title: the idea of suicide is what keeping me alive Text: knowing that there is a way out just in case. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1328,"Title: Ex is taking my daughter to live in another country. Can't stop thinking if she goes I may as well just die Text: Dunno what else to say... It sounds like I have little to no chance to fight this and may even end up worse of it I try plus I'd be fucking over my ex and daughter. Having planned my life around my daughter I just can't help but feel like it's all pointless. Feeling tempted to send my ex all my savings and taking myself off somewhere quiet. I have had suicidal thoughts before (lotta stress becoming a dad at the age of 19) but never this bad and not really seriously contemplating anything but now I find myself making plans and it's scaring me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1329,"Title: feeling so hopeless Text: my case hearing is friday. it’ll be the day before my traumaversary of when i was raped. i just got of the phone with a probono lawyer who offered to take a look at my case and that honesty made me feel even worse. she told me that it’s going to be a very difficult case and that it might be best for me to start putting it behind me and not expect much out of it. i feel so hopeless because i thought i had a decent amount of evidence/witnesses corroborating my story and now i’m doubting if i even have a case at all. i know he raped me. i know he had zero regard for me or my consent. and yet i’m afraid he will get off completely free and i will have wasted months of my life trying to get justice just to end up with nothing. i feel so anxious and exhausted and done with the whole thing. fuck him. he ruined my life and might not even be told what he did was wrong For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1330,"Title: groomed by my dance coach, never told anyone Text: im 14 been dancing since i was 3 and had a private dance teacher from age 7-12. i trusted her completely and she would buy me presents and take me to lunch and then she started getting me to model for photos in less and less clothes every time. she was the only person i ever told that i think im bisexual because my family would never accept it and she took advantage of that. we started a relationship and we had sex, i was 11 and she was 28 i thought we were in love but then when i was 12 she moved away and i tried to contact her to have a ldr she said if i ever told anyone what happened or tried to talk to her again she would out me to my parents. ive been heartbroken ever since and it wasnt till a few months ago i learned about grooming i found out thats what she did to me For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 1331,"Title: Daughter Raped and Won’t Report Text: My daughter was drugged and raped by her husband and two of his friends while they were stationed in S Dakota. It took about a year for her to share the events that led up to it and the rape itself. She adamantly refused to report but allowed me to call the Air Force and make what I think they called an unregistered report so there would be some record. She has moved on after a lot of counseling but I can’t. I looked up the statute of limitations in SD and it’s getting close. I am tormented to think he can enjoy a career and life of freedom after what he did. I fantasize about turning him in and making him pay but I know this would hurt my daughter and our very close relationship. I don’t want to share my feelings on this because I don’t want her to worry. Has anyone had a similar experience and found a way to resolve the emotional torment and move on? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1332,"Title: I hate to say it but thank you guys Text: I occasionally come to this thread considering to make a post regular ding how I feel often times. But everytime I do I end up reading other posts and it helps me realize I’m not alone, nor am I crazy. So many of you guys clearly go through the same shit I do every day. Just having that reassurance gives me some form of hope For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1333,"Title: i told my friends how i self harm and they burst out laughing Text: just because it’s not cutting it doesn’t mean it’s not self harm For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1334,"Title: I just cut for the first time in 6 years Text: I used to cut back when I was in middle school but I quit in 8th grade. I'm in college now and just really having a rough go of it. My grades are fine but just Goddamn I can't socialize right. I can't say the right things, I can't do jack shit. I was so happy and hopeful to come here but still I have no friends, and no one to be close with. All I fucking do is schoolwork and then I go back to my dorm and refresh the same few websites over and over again and drink until doing so starts becoming fun. My entire childhood I was lonely (due to external circumstances beyond my control) and I think I had a lot of hope for finally meeting people in college. I started cutting last night just out of frustration, it honestly felt really good. The stinging sensation felt warm and welcoming after I've felt cold for so long. I really don't want to do it again for my own sake. But it is tempting. It's very painful lying to my parents that I'm having a wonderful time here. Making up bullshit stories about what I did over the weekends and such. Hanging out with the broski's, chatting with the ladies and so on. As long as I keep my grades good they won't pry too much. I just really really need to find a way out of this rut. I'm so Goddamn lonely it almost makes me physically ill. I'm around a lot of people and seeing all these close knit groups of friends and happy couples makes me sad. I'm happy for all these other people of course but being around them constantly makes me so sad. Like if I was lonely and never saw another person it would be fine, but being lonely and around people all the time is like salt on a open wound. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1335,"Title: advice. Text: Well anyway, this one is a bit different, I am the one who did it this time.I really regret everything and I poured everything to apologize to the girl I did it to.We agreed to never speak of it again. And well I really just want to change my ways.I thought I changed, But I really didn't. Not that I harassed someone after that incident. I just don't know where to start changing. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1336,"Title: Help: Issues Reporting to Police- Airport taxi driver Text: I didn't know where else to ask for advice on reporting this. I was on hold constantly with the non emergency numbers in my area, I called the airport police, the city, that the airport is at, police, my city's police, also another part of the airport, and I got told to call my city's police again but they can't do anything because its in another city ? The reason I want to report this is because I'm worried about other women, especially after coming off a plane. I was extremely exhausted after a 30hr trip, I kept pinching myself to stay awake because I was terrified. He also has my address. I feel like I'm being tugged around and its infuriating. Anyways, this is what happened: My driver, who was employed by the airport, was asking inappropriate questions and saying very sexual things, some questions that a suspected trafficker would ask. I thought he was friendly at first, the conversation started normal; he asked me where I was coming back from, how I liked the country, if I had any siblings, etc. It turned bad fast, he was also very adamite about me coming to the front seat, and for the record, I did not answer any of the following questions: He started with asking me who I live with, how many people, how many bedrooms, what age everyone was, then he started commenting about my body, relationship- repeatedly asking about topless beaches, asked if there were any in the country I was at previously, at one point asking me to go on a trip with him to a topless beach so he can see my- you know, etc. He kept talking about sex the entire way, how he'd always please a woman, he talked about his first time and asked about mine, and how my last day was with my boyfriend, etc. I kept trying to change the subject every single time, and I asked him to stop. He wouldn't stop. He was asking me very invasive questions about my sex life and family, like what positions I enjoy, how old my sisters were when they lost their virginity, etc. He asked me if my boyfriend pleased me. He asked me if I would take a shower when I get back, and how my body would probably look like. He's employed by an airport taxi service. My sister said both of these cities are known for trafficking, I didn't know this before. He told me he's from India, I didn't get his license plate, but I got a serial number and I have my receipt. Just please help me, I don't want anything bad to happen. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 1337,"Title: another failure Text: Appeared at another job interview ,worked hard to secure the interview and prepared really hard for it, this was the 4th time I gave it, but same result. Everyone around me says that I'll definitely do it, but my belief is now shattering. When do you realise that you are not made for this? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1338,"Title: I just took a whole bottle of naproxen, melatonin and Tylenol how long do I have left to live? Text: I decided it's time to go and I took all those supplements at the same time, how long do I have left to live? Came to reddit because why not? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1339,"Title: Side effects to SH? Text: Itchy. I rest my case. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1340,"Title: Boyfriend rapes me and convinced me it’s ok Text: So this was many years ago I’m 24 now. I was hanging out with my boyfriend at the time because he finally had a free house and this didn’t happen very often. It was early in the morning so I was feeling very sleepy he was just playing games on his Xbox so I felt like taking a nap. I wore a skirt and fell asleep on my stomach on his bed. We haven’t been dating for long and already he’s pushed me into doing very sexual things every single time we met even when he knew I was a virgin and I will not mention age on this sub as I don’t know the rules about it but he knew I was inexperienced. As I’m peacefully sleeping I feel a horrible sharp pain in my ass. Something hard ripping me apart so bad I screamed and jumped off the bed in shock and pain. I only got halfway off when I was stopped by him grabbing me and holding me in place. His body weight on top of me easily overpowering me. I screamed and thrashed yelling at him to get off of me that I’m in pain, asking what the hell is he doing. He just carried on holding me in place, telling me it’s ok it hurts, he loves me so much and now that we’re here already and it’s already hurting I should just let him finish. He slowly coerced me with his words and carried on thrusting on top of me while I just stayed there completely frozen. Like a rag doll with half of my body off the bed, my legs and bottom of my torso firmly in place under him I couldn’t get away without making it so much more painful. I was sweating from the pain in a daze I didn’t even say anything back. When he finished he made fun of me about how I yelped and jumped off the bed. I was just so confused and I’m so much pain. I was bleeding. But he told me it’s okay. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1341,"Title: I feel like I’m a burden to my team. Text: I go to a high school and I’m in a JROTC raider team and the people I know there are all fun and nice but I constantly feel like I’m a burden to my team and that I weight them down. I feel that I will never overcome the feeling of being a burden to my team or anyone else. I wanna overcome the challenges and I take criticism well but when I do that and try to fix it, I can’t seem to overcome that. I wanna stop feeling like this but don’t know how. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1342,"Title: Doctors appointment Text: Doctor appointments are the worst. I feel so out of place and like I'm being judged on the low. They always ask about my scars and tell me that I should stop like I know I should stop. I know. If it was that easy, I would. Like I know that their just trying to help but just telling me that I should stop is not going to help. And therapy or medication doesn't help so they always suggest a mental hospital. Obviously the mental hospitals aren't working. Like my mental health is none of their faults but I wish they would stop telling me that it's bad and I should stop. I know it's their job but it just makes me feel a whole lot worse and gives me the urge to just cut more and deeper. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1343,"Title: Advice on 2 separate incidents concerning sexual threats. Text: So um I'm 15 and I had 2 kind of weird experiences with guys. The first occurred a couple months ago when I was hanging out with this older guy in my room and as he was leaving my room we were talking at the door and completely out of nowhere he says 'I'll r\*pe you'. For whatever reason I didn't think much of it until a couple months later. Anyways, I was reminded of this today because I was sitting at a table in school with 3 other classmates; I jokingly hid my male classmates phone and when he realized that I was responsible for the absence of his phone (being the absolute infant I am, I was laughing hysterically at his obliviousness making it rather obvious that I was the culprit) he told me in a straight face in front of everyone that he would sexually assault me if I didn't return his phone. My laughter started to die out with the realization of what he had said. He then reaffirmed his statement with saying that he meant it. I gave him his phone back and said that he couldn't say things like that. No one did anything and we all went about with our business. Not entirely sure what to make of this I suppose. What would I call these incidents? I've not a clue -- I mean nothing really happened right? I'm just confused and it would be great if someone could help me understand better? (not so sure how to word my request). For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 1344,"Title: Feel like depression has made me dumber Text: I can’t remember things as well as I used too. I can’t study for as long as I used too, if I can even study. I don’t do assignments anymore. It takes me forever to understand concepts. Used to be top of my classes and now I’m dropping fast. I barely got through this last school year. I also feel so much dumber socially and at times it just feels like I don’t even have thoughts. I’ll be sitting down and not even thinking. I feel so dumb. I feel like a shell of a person. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1345,"Title: I feel so stressed and I relapsed a weeks ago, I just need someone to make me feel better if they can :’( Text: I started college about a month ago and it’s been such a struggle. Even though I only moved an hour away, the distance between me and my boyfriend has been really hard. I struggle to feel loved constantly and we almost broke up this weekend because we’re both so stressed with all the stuff going on in our lives. Whenever I tell him my love language is verbal affirmation, he says he feels like i’m forcing him to say stuff that would just be disingenuous, I feel like he doesn’t want to try to make me feel better and it makes me feel like a nuisance, I feel like if I push him further on it he’s just gonna break up with me. I just want to hear say that i’m cared about deeply, why is that so hard for him? I have family here but I don’t feel close to anyone and I feel so alone because there’s no one I really feel comfortable talking to about how I feel. On top of all of that I feel so overwhelmed by school and I feel like i’m too stupid for this place half the time. All this stress caused me to cut myself for the first time in months, i’ve probably done it 4 different times now. I feel like such a failure who will amount to nothing who no one really loves. The pain is one of the only comforting things I have right now and I know that’s so dangerous, but I don’t know how to make it stop when the emotional pain is so intense. I just want my boyfriend to make me feel loved :(. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1346,"Title: I’m a failure Text: Just lost my job today. Even worse is i suffer from anxiety when it comes to money. I just started with this job 3 weeks ago and they claim im not fit for the position even though i have 10 years experience. After i left, went to store and grabbed some brews and headed to a park. I do have my edc with me. One side of me hopes i dont use it today, the other side is hoping i do. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1347,"Title: phantom pains? Text: hey so i (18F) started therapy recently and i’m making great progress.. i was rlly violently raped in february and it rlly messed me up and i’m finally accepting i need help, hence the therapy. especially when my ptsd got so bad it triggered me to have epilepsy. but i’ve started to really think about what happened to me and i’ve stopped disassociating from it. every time i think about what happened i feel like.. phantom pains? like it’s happening again.. just less. it feels like a really bad muscle cramp almost? it just feels like it’s happening all over again. is this normal..? and what can i do about it? i don’t really have anyone i can talk to about this.. i just… idk. this isn’t something anyone has ever mentioned that ik of, and i’m kinda wondering if i’m just crazy. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1348,"Title: question about od Text: hey. fair tw warning on this post. I'll try and keep it simple, I'm just looking for an answer I haven't eaten today. I've been really sad and I only too a few bites of food, I had half a soda too and some coffee. I usually eat more than this even on bad days. I weigh roughly 105 lbs and am 18. tw again, but I've taken over 9k mg of asprin. this isn't the first time and last time I survived okay. I wasn't able to go to the hospital or anything so I just sat it out. but I think I had eaten a fair bit that mightve absorbed most of it, and I took a lot less last time. not too much less, I know it was a lot, but I don't remember too much. just wanted to know if this would be it. thanks love you all. hugs for everyone. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1349,"Title: “He would never do that to me” until he did. Text: I (18F) moved in with my boyfriend (20M) he showed red flags in the beginning but this is someone I’ve known for over 4 years. We were close friends. I finally gave him a chance, we fell in love and got a place together. It worked out perfectly because we both don’t really have family or even friends really so it was a great opportunity to save money. Well for the past 3 months we haven’t been getting along. When we first got the place we got into a violent argument and I specifically remember writing in my journal, “he’s going to end up hurting me one day” welp that one day I’ve been dreading has came. Last night he said to me “I could k*ll you with my bare hands” totally unprovoked then went to sleep, He later woke up and asked me to turn on the ac. I refused because he always makes me turn it on so he turned it on and then asked if I could switch spots in bed with him, I said I didn’t want to switch spots so he choked me and pushed me to the other side of the bed. And today we have been going back and forth he threw me on the floor from our couch and sat on my arms so I couldn’t move and I was able to scratch him so he slapped me super hard. He is 6’0 and I’m 5’4, he also is a trained fighter. I just don’t understand how he could say he loved me and put his hands on me or threaten me. I’m just so scared because I have nowhere to go, my mom and dad aren’t in the picture, my family isn’t the greatest. And since I started dating him he has isolated me from all my friends and now I don’t have any. I feel so helpless and alone. I was so excited to finally have a place to call my own but it’s not even rewarding when I’m in constant survival mode with someone who I thought I loved. I don’t want to go to a shelter and let him win by letting him have our place. Both of our names are on the lease. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1350,"Title: How do you make friends after Highschool? Text: I had friends, some turned out to be assholes, and some moved away. Sure I have online friends but it’s not the same. I do warhammer, like painting wee dudes to make an army; it’s nerd shit -anyway I’ve done that but all the people in my town doing it seem to be like 30-40. And I mean, nothing against them, but I just don’t feel like I could really be a great friend with someone ten years older than me. There’s a cultural disconnect between Gen z and millennials, you feel me? Same deal at college, everyone’s older. I just haven’t really found anyone like me really. It’s like in Highschool there were people all over the place that were my age, so I always had friends. Now, there’s no one, and it hurts. It really hurts to not be a part of a friend group or have anyone to hang out with on the weekend. I mean is that what happens? You grow up and stop having friends? I want to meet new people and I don’t know how. I’m in the horrible liminal between what was and what will hopefully be. If anyones gone through this or going through this, what can I do and how can I make it hurt less? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1351,"Title: There's nothing to live for Text: I've tried everything but it seems I was doomed since I was brought into this earth...I just want to leave real bad, I'm so tired...I should kill myself today I hate it here For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1352,"Title: Is my boss (M50s) sexually harassing me (F28)? Text: I have been at my current job for a little over a year. This all started a couple of months after I started my job. I think my boss is sexually harassing me. It started with him asking if I was up for a ""challenge"" with him. He has been asking me to help him with picking out women's items for himself. I was always uncomfortable with it but never felt like I could say no or tell him I was uncomfortable. Even when he asked. I didn't feel like I could because he's my boss and I also thought he could have issues with his gender identity. I wanted to be supportive of an older man who didn't know how to express that. He has given me his personal money to buy holiday decor for the office and asked specifically for ""cute"" and ""girly"" things for his office as part of our ""challenge"". He has asked for my opinion on women's hairstyles he wants to try and if I thought it was too obviously feminine. He has asked me to pick out women's shoes for him before and tried to buy us matching women's shoes. He will wear androgynous clothing and ask if I noticed or what I thought of them. The entire time this has been happening I was uncomfortable and it felt... off but I didn't know how tell him that. He has asked me to buy girly office supplies for him too. All of these have happened repeatedly for about a year now. He is incredibly petty and unpleasant to people who he does not like. I also did not want to come across as transphobic. I truly do not care if people wear clothes not designed for their gender. I support and affirm the trans community. Recently I found out he has done the same and more to two other female co-workers. One he sent photos to of him in women's clothing, of lingerie asking which he should buy and wear, and he also changed into women's clothing for her with her in his office without telling her what was happening or for her consent. ​ For better context, we work at a university. I have the lowest position on campus and he has one of the highest. When he found out I'm taking a class that gets out late he offered to let me stay the night at his house so I didn't have to make my hour commute back. It seems nice on the surface but given everything else, it seems not appropriate either. ​ Am I being sexually harassed and do I have enough to go to HR? If they do nothing about it but he finds out then I still have to work directly for him. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 1353,"Title: random severe urges?? Text: does anyone else get random almost unstoppable unbearable and severe urges to sh like I was in school with my friends laughing then all I could think about was to cvt myself like?? is that normal or is that like not normal idk whats wrong with me other than the obvious For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1354,"Title: i threw away my blades Text: i’m really proud of myself. hopefully i’ll stay clean for a long time edit: thank you guys so much for the support. it means a lot to me and if anyone needs someone to talk to i’m here <3 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 1355,"Title: Work destroying mental health, not sure what to do. Text: So, I live in a small town with not too much going on. I’m currently working in a warehouse and it is mentally and physically draining. Completely depleting my energy and has caused relapse. I’m doing better with staying clean, but I am currently undergoing a misdemeanor DUI in my state, so I don’t have my license currently. I live right up the street from my job and it pays well and offers great benefits. Had to move back in with family members and don’t want to let them down/ save up as much as I can as well as retain med benefits , but at the same time this lifestyle is killing me. I work out 5x a week, eat and sleep well and have a Psych degree with a chem minor. Nepotism runs rampant in my company and I am more of the new guy who gets passed over due to friendships. My position is somewhat isolated,not giving me much of a chance to mingle with upper management who are always busy. I don’t like the warehouse environment anyway. Any similar stories/suggestions? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1356,"Title: How do I stop being so hateful? Text: I sincerely hate every person on earth (including myself of course) and I want everyone to suffer like I do and then die. It's so hard for me to have any positive thoughts at all, I'm jealous and full of hate all the time. Any minor inconvenience sends me into a suicidal fit of rage. I hate how sad and bitter I've become and I realize this behavior keeps me from getting better, but it's just how I function right now and I don't know what to do except drinking all day and isolating myself. Please help For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1357,"Title: Am I in the early stages of an abusive relationship? Text: I wont try to get into too much detail since my bf is on Reddit. I have been with my bf for 8 years and have been living together for 2 months. He has a history of anger issues but never used to curse /name call me or lay a finger on me during arguments. Well, that changed.. in one incident, we got into a petty argument but then it escalated to where he yelled/cursed at me, name called, got in face and hit my car so hard that it made a dent. Next incident, was another petty argument that escalated to him yelling/cursing, name calling, getting in my face and threatening to damage my car again. This one was a little different since he pushed his head so hard against mine which caused pain to the side of my face and neck at the time. A few days have passed and a little area on the side of my face is still painful to touch but there isn’t a visible bruise. I threatened to record him but he grab my phone and almost attempted to break it. At that point I was set on getting my things and moving out. As I was packing my things he was talking about how there isn’t a point in him living anymore, how sorry he was, etc. He cut the bags that I put my clothes in hopes that it would make me stay. … I ended up staying. Am I in an abusive relationship or is this normal? I do yell during arguments but I never name call or put him down. I’m a little worried for my safety but I’m shocked because these types of things never happened with him before. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1358,"Title: It sucks when you have no one to share your life with Text: I had a promotion at work a couple of days back. It's only my 2nd promotion all my life, it took me 4 years to move one step up in a workplace not known for handing out perks. When my boss told me I was getting a promotion, I realised I wasn't happy at all. I just said thank you and left the room. At the end of the day, I have no one to share my life with. No one to vent at when I have a bad day, no one to celebrate with if anything great happens. Day turns into night, night turns into day, the calendar keeps moving forward. I tried my best to find someone to be my partner, but after being turned down each time, that hope fades everyday. So, here I am, looking at my promotion letter and thinking of how pointless my life has become. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1359,"Title: Anyone know how to stop ruminating on your relationships and overthinking them until you convince yourself they secretly hate you? Text: Im so lonely, i have nothing to do when im not at work, im too depression tired to do anything when i come home even if i come up with something to do. I have insomnia and i stay up all night runinating on the few relationships with other people that i have left and i always come to the conclusion that they actually hate me and that they are fooling me into giving them my all until one day they inevitably leave me. Is this because this has happened me my whole life and now im terrified of being close with people, probably. I need to go to therapy… wish i could trust people. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1360,"Title: is being suicidal traumatic? Text: like, i’ve been so so suicidal for a few years now, i self harm quite often (but currently 49 days clean), and i spend a lot of time in a “dark place.” what i’m wondering is, if i ever get through all this, am i somehow going to be traumatized by all this messiness? just a thought. thanks for reading. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_past, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 1361,"Title: Family Text: My family knows I suffer. They are usually supportive and try to help me through it. I know it gets old, complaining about the same things and not making changes to do/feel better. I’ve tried explaining that the motivation is gone and I have no energy for those changes. They somewhat understand. I wish I could explain it better or just be better For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1362,"Title: Why do I constantly judge people so much? Text: Whenever I see people doing something, wearing something, etc that I don’t like, especially if I really don’t like it, I just get a flood of judge-mental thoughts. Maybe it’s worse because I have ADHD, but it’s so strange to me. Logically I know that I shouldn’t judge people like this, but I almost believe these thoughts. I’ll think to myself something like that they are only doing/wearing x thing because they want to appear cool, I think that they’re ridiculous or stupid or something, etc. I don’t want to be mean, but I feel that inside. I don’t get why? I think maybe it’s because I’m insecure especially because I tend to want to do things that people may find cool just because they may find it cool. I’m not sure every repeating thought is reflecting directly something I do or think about myself, but to be fair I don’t remember every thought right now and I may not realize I may be actually insecure about x thought. Does this happen to anyone else? What can I do about it? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1363,"Title: ADVOCACY Text: hello! ​ I am a victim of sexual harassment and criminal assault in the workplace and I just wanted to let everyone know that I have started a blog about my story, how to help, what to do, where to look for support, and to just talk and share and eat chips and not cry 2 times a day for the rest of the year. ​ [fearandtear.wordpress.com](https://fearandtear.worksafe.com) ​ I just want to help. ​ ​ For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 1364,"Title: I don't enjoy spending time with my friends anymore Text: That was the last thing I had left. Now I just stay awake until morning cause I can't sleep, wake up in the late afternoon and be tired all day reqatching shows. The shows are all I can do to distract myself, everything else feels like too much and immediately overwhelms me. My friends were the one thing keeping me sane with the time I spent with them but I just don't enjoy it anymore. I have little to no motivation to spend time with them as it'll just exhaust me and won't help at all. I think my time is almost up, I don't want it to be but I can feel it rapidly approaching. Maybe I just wasn't made for this world. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1365,"Title: Can you stop if you dont want to? Text: Hi! I've been a self harmer for 6 years and i have a partner now and another person who both want me to stop. But..I enjoy it, probably could go as far and say i love it. I'd like to stop for them, but i dont want to stop. Can you really change if you dont want to? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1366,"Title: please dont force people to lift up their sleeves Text: Last April i started harming and for a couple of months i did it on my wrists. At home a wore hoodies and in school i just wore long sleeve shirts so i thought i was okay. One day in science my sleeve lifted a little and the girl at the table in front of me saw. Now this girl is notorious for being a bitch, like she just doesnt give a shit what she says or does and how it affects others. So basically she saw the cuts on my arm and she practically shouted “what are those” i said nothing and pulled my sleeve back down, so she picked up my phone and refused to give it back until i lifted up my sleeve, it wasnt even just as if we were the only people there, this was half way through a period with like 5 people sitting around us. I refused to lift my sleeve up, obviously, so she grabbed my hand and tried to lift up my sleeve, i yanked my hand back and she gave me my phone. By this point I was literally crying as quietly as possible so people didnt notice, she asked why i did it and then showed me her cuts and gave me my phone back. Basically i spent the rest of the period in the toilets having a panic attack and the next like 3 weeks terrified she was going to tell everyone, it was really shitty and it made me harm more. Please just dont do it For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 1367,"Title: 150 miles per hour, then crash Text: I go and go and go and then I crash. I’m exhausted and feel worthless, sometimes for up to 24 hours at a time. During these periods I feel directionless, like I need to start over and it has really cost me a lot over the last 35 years. Anybody else ever deal with anything like this? Maybe have an unofficial medical diagnosis? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1368,"Title: Nobody believes the victim Text: How can you possibly ask for help or explain the situation without victimizing yourself? You either just get called paranoid or they tell the person and then you have to hopefully not get abused worse. And the legal system takes children when you run and dont care about the reasons why. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1369,"Title: I’m depressed.. Text: I need someone to talk to … For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1370,"Title: Friends? Text: Hey! I’m 20 F, I really only have like 1 kinda friend and I’d really like to make some more? Life sucks more times than not and having someone to talk to makes it better ya know, anyway my dms are open! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1371,"Title: I still want to die Text: I wish I didn’t have to pretend like I don’t. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1372,"Title: Is this SH? no I don’t mean it like that. Text: I already do the regular shit I ain’t looking for validation I’m just noticing a behavior I don’t think is sh but I’m wondering what other people think. On to the actual question, my hands have been really dry lately, so dry my knuckles are splitting open, nothing crazy but enough that i have several dots of dried blood and the lines on my knuckle look like they’re splitting. So the interesting thing is i don’t want it to stop, i have lotion I could use but i just want to watch my knuckles slowly crack open. But it doesn’t feel like self harm, like it kinda is because I’m letting it happen, but it just feels like a morbid experiment to see how bad it can get. Ironically when my knuckles started to sting to much then i put lotion on, it kinda feels like my ED where i see how far i can go and then cave. So what do y’all think, does it sound like sh to y’all, do you have any similar things or thought processes. Honestly idk why i made this post I’ve just been thinking about it and wanted to post so just leave whatever reactions you got. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1373,"Title: Any guys here? Text: ive been reading articles about self harming, and most of them say that alot more girls sh than guys. any guys here? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1374,"Title: Why does this keep happening!?!?!!!! Text: I have had men touch me on the shoulders and legs.. put a arm round my waist give me a little squeeze… I don’t understand it. I’m not the prettiest specimen but it keeps happening, to me!! The problem isn’t me, it’s them I know that. But why me? Over and over again I seem to be singled out for this godforsaken “attention”… I’ve gone through a lot… but this daily unwanted attention feels possibly worse than when I was raped. It’s somewhere between on the ‘pain scale’ when I was raped and my ex’s domestic abuse/assaults. I’ve also been beaten, put hospital I don’t get why this keeps happening to me!!! I’m not suggesting it should happen to anyone! This should never be something that happens to anyone! I’m just, why me!!!! Haven’t I suffered enough! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","sexualharassment_ongoing, rape_past, domesticviolence_past" Question 1375,"Title: GUESS WHAT Text: IM OFFICIALLY 33 DAYS CLEAN OF SELF HARM For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 1376,"Title: Had my 1st vaginal orgasm after the assault a year ago Text: With the help of my hands and toys. I didn’t get triggered during the process. I also didn’t feel bad or disgusted afterwards. It is as if I’ve reclaimed my body from my raxxst, which feels surprisingly wonderful and liberating. It’s a small milestone towards my recovery, and I’m going to celebrate. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1377,"Title: Is this sexual harassment? Text: A few weeks ago I went on a business trip. I’ve been working remotely for 3 years at several companies, but I just got hired at this one company and they were doing an on-site HQ week so I went. I know 3 colleagues at this new company as they referred me to get the job. One of the guys got really drunk and whispered in my ear “please make out with me,” when I said no he leaned in and asked again. After that he kind of avoided me at the on site and then checked in on me twice on slack when everyone went home. I don’t know if he remembers but I assume since he avoided me and then checked in twice that he does know. Is this sexual harassment? Am I overreacting? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 1378,"Title: I want to sleep forever Text: I don’t want to be “selfish” doing it, don’t want to hurt my family and friends and I love them, but I do want to die as soon as posible, all I think is to someone to shoot me, or a car to crash me or never wake up…. I’m grateful and happy but deep inside i’m sad For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1379,"Title: State (CA) government worker and SH Text: I 50F work for a County in California Over the last 4 months a coworker 50ishF, has tried to have sexually explicit conversations with me. Example: showing me a library book with photos of Japanese bondage and encouraging me to comment on it. Told me about a Netflix show that ""shows teenager having sex and blow jobs"" Told me as when I was waiting for her to help with an assignment ""it will be a few minutes. Why don't you call your husband and have him come here (to work) and u can have sex with him in the closet"" Our office is very straight laced and none of that kind of talk is appropriate. Ever. My co workers were witness to some of these interactions. I have a call into HR. I'm waiting to hear what the next step is. How should I prepare for what comes next? Do I need a lawyer? Thx. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 1380,"Title: Peeing the bed after rape Text: Ever since being raped nights are the worst. On top of the usual fear and depression and anxiety I feel, it all gets worse at night. I get night terrors and nightmares. I wake up crying and afraid and I usually pee myself in bed. Has anyone else had this? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1381,"Title: I am an antichrist Text: An I am an anarchist Edit: it is fucking hilarious that such a big thing was made out of a fucking sex pistols lyric and also kinda sad that you’ll demonise someone for being a drunk and manic.. ON A FUCKEN MENTAL HEALTH SUB LMAOOO it is so morbidly funny that people on reddit are such twats, I’m aware that I’m being a knob it wasn’t the intention of this post as it was just a lyric that encapsulated the way I felt while off my head drunk and manic. But after seeing how high and mighty and up your own asses ~some~ of you are It was very fun to take the piss out youse to all the people struggling don’t give up and to all the prick redditor stereotypes please become better people better than me at least because that’s not a very high bar I’m being a dick on purpose some of youse are actually like that!! LMAO For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1382,"Title: Hey! Support would be nice. Text: Hello. Not sure if I should even be posting here but been having suicidal thoughts somewhat often. Maybe I'm just looking to talk to someone or have someone listen. I dunno For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1383,"Title: my cat saved me from a relapse Text: i almost messed up four months and 27 days. it's been real hard lately and today i pulled out my blades and sanitized them. i was playing with a couple in my fingers and my cat just started crying from across my room. she doesnt ever cry loudly and i could tell she just didnt want me to. she cried until i put them away and then she cuddled me. if i can do this, you can too. you got this. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1384,"Title: Can you flee to a different state and get help with that state's DV resources? Text: I do not want to be in the same state as my abusers. I've been wanting to flee to another state and start fresh. Can I call a specific state's helplines and see about them helping me? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1385,"Title: I just want to be loved Text: I’ve spent most of my life wanting a serious relationship with someone that I can love and someone to love me. But I have never had the luck to be with someone like that I have had several crushes and never gotten their attention or them feeling the same way about me. I’ve always been friend zoned and I’m sick and tired of it. I’m 24 and people telling me I’m still young and have a lot of time left to find someone and I’ve never been in a relationship and that just makes me feel unbelievably unloveable. My friends are telling me how good of a boyfriend I would make but I just cant anymore I can’t see myself actually being in a relationship anymore and I feel I’m going to spend my life alone. I just want to be loved maybe that’s to much to ask for. And I think I have abandonment issues to. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1386,"Title: How is suicide a permanent solution to a temporary problem when the problem is life? Text: I don’t see the point of being alive, or experiencing life. Why would anyone even want to live? why should we bother to do anything? I’m just tired of it all I’m tired of existing. I’m tired of working. I’m tired of having to eat. I’m tired of waking up. I’m tired of chores. I’m tired of trying. I’m tired of maintaining myself. I don’t want to do anything. I just want to crawl into bed and not wake up. I’m exhausted. I just want to go to sleep forever. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1387,"Title: SSA is cutting off my benefits once I hit 18 (less than two weeks) and i'm screwed Text: i don't want to go to court. maybe my doctor can write a list of my diagnoses to them? idk i'm panicking rn. no therapy. no meds. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1388,"Title: It's my birthday... Text: And a total of one person except for my parents remembered. My parents invited the neighbours over to celebrate. It was one of my parent's closest friend's birthday. I don't have any friends living close enough to come over. I didn't have fun, because I don't talk to the neighbours, they don't have kids anywhere near my age. Also, I'm socially awkward. And did I mention that my parents are using it as an excuse to drink? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1389,"Title: my parents are sitting right here Text: They're sitting in the same fucking room as me as I cut rn, yet they are to glued to their screens to notice. My cat has even been trying to alert them by meowing as loud as I've ever fucking heard, yet they're still not aware that if they even bothered to turn 90 degrees they'd be able to stop this, logically I know that they're just not noticing, emotionally I feel like they just don't fucking care, I want to die For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 1390,"Title: worried about parents seeing my cuts Text: I am away from home and have clothing with me that show my knees, and I have one ‘barcode’ strip on each knee of cuts. They are very visible and very obviously self harm, but they’re only from a pencil sharpener blade so they’re not deep and I don’t really get lasting scars from them. Idk what to do because they are going to question why I am not wearing clothes I packed and instead am rewearing stuff. I don’t know what to do or what to say if asked about why I’m not wearing shorts. The country I’m in right now is very hot. Does anyone have a good excuse or any advice on what to do if I have to wear shorts?? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1391,"Title: Domestic Violence Survivor Text: When I look at my face, sometimes I see the nose he gave me when he punched me, the crooked smile he gave me when he broke the skin of my cheek and the scar near the corner of my left eye. Then, when all the clouds of ptsd fade away, I see my strength, my power, my resilience, my refusal to give up and my purpose. I was in an abusive marriage 8 years ago. I almost lost my life on many occasions, but, I didn’t. Not because HE Spared me, but because I chose to carry on and I chose to leave. It took me 5 years, but I did it. I got in this unhealthy situation because i allowed myself to be treated inappropriately. A man who loves me will never hurt me, and when I love myself, I will not let him. I am my own self fulfilling prophecy. I choose greatness. I choose life. I choose me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1392,"Title: L-tryptophan Text: Interested in taking L-tryptophan in the hopes it might decrease my mild depression symptoms. (I’ve been off SSRIs for 6 months and doing better than expected.) 5-HTP concerns me because I’ve always read that it’s something you shouldn’t mess around with. A few questions: - Am I making the smart and safe choice to try L-tryptophan over 5-HTP? - What is a good starting dose of L-tryptophan? - When is the best time of day to take it? I assume at night because of the sleep-inducing effects. But I do hope for benefits during my waking hours. - What brand do you suggest? Thanks for any and all guidance. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1393,"Title: I'm shaking. I want to die so bad that I am shaking Text: I am ready to die, I have selected my way out. I have a rope and have tied it well. Although I haven't found a place to set it up. I am shaking so much more than normal. From adrenaline, maybe. I want to suffer, and I need to end. So why am I scared enough to start shaking For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1394,"Title: scars feel so disgusting when i remember that other people know they exist and have seen them Text: everytime i touch them or look at them i get really icked out.. i used to be comforted by the sight but not anymore For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 1395,"Title: Things just keep getting harder Text: For awhile I was struggling to make bills, and the sort,, delt with a shitty landlord but, I've solved my financial issues, I've moved somewhere new, I'm seeing a psychiatrist in a couple weeks, yet I feel like things only get harder, even though now I'm not struggling for money, or working full time, which is what I wanted, and i'm seeing a professional soon, yet it just feels harder, like my will to go on as suddenly vanished over these last couple weeks. I just feel like, I don't know what to do, like my only option is to just, sit here and wait until the psychiatrist appointment, that I won't even be 100% open at because I invited my father there. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1396,"Title: Does any one else do this or know what it is ?? Text: I can have a full conversation with someone without being there….it sounds weird but my mum talks to me and tells me something Il reply back to her but then she mentions it later on and I wasn’t listening wasn’t even aware I was replying. Sometimes I catch my self come out of it and ask them to say it again but most the time I just don’t remember I’ve never been bothered by it until it’s effecting me take my meds. My mum controls my meds and she will come up and give me one and she watches me take it but tonight she just give me it and walked off but I was in that trans I told her I’d take it and acknowledged it was there but she just messaged me reminding me to take it and I don’t remember her coming up at all For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1397,"Title: Is my boss just trying to shoot his shot or could this lead to harassment? Text: I (22F) just got a job a month ago. Here, we have two managers. A woman in the department that I'm in and a man in the other. The man (35ish), lets call him Kevin, was nice to me in the begining, talking to me and making jokes. Everything was normal. One day, he wraped his hand around me and told me he was going to steal me from the other manager so i could come to his department, to which i told him i was fully ok with. This monday, he grabbed me behind my back and whispered in my ear that he's excited about all the work we've been doing. It took me by surprise, but i just shut down the idea that he might be trying smth. Yesterday he kept coming behind me to massage my shoulders and whisper into my ear. Usually he would whisper work related shit.. but its still fucking weird. Today, however, became ever weirder. He continued the old dance of massaging me and whispering.. but he also told me that on his department i will have to stay over midnight, but he wont need my work related services after midnight. (He didnt say it exactly like that but thats what i understood from it). After that, he asked me to stay for a drink, FULLY AWARE that im driving. I didnt say yes or no bc i was i shock. I just left. While i was driving, he called me but i didnt answer. My question is. Wtf do i do in this situation? I feel like if i go to HR, they wont do anything. We have cameras everywhere, there s one exactly behind my desk.. but im afraid the footage is gonna mysteriously dissapear. I told my mom and she said to quit imediately. After a while she told me that maybe JUST MAYBE he s into me and not necessarily a predator and that i should just talk to him so that he would stop.. Im afraid that if i tell him to stop or talk to the HR, he s gonna be revengefull and give me loads of work or even fire me on some stupid bullshit. What should i do? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 1398,"Title: The media has destroyed the way self harm is viewed. Text: The media has completely destroyed the way self harm is viewed by many individuals. It is sad in a way that so many of us cant reach out for help due to the medias ignorance. The stereotypes are so ridiculous. And those stereotypes are so deeply engraved in many people's minds due to the media. If you dont cut you aren't valid. If you dont cut deep you aren't valid. If you aren't depressed you aren't valid. If you are harming yourself for attention you aren't valid. If you are male you aren't valid. Self harm shouldn't be treated differently because of your ethnicity, gender, severity of self harm, severity of emotional distress, and even where you self harm. We are all real people with real problems. We aren't just some cliche to make fun of. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1399,"Title: WOOOOO Text: I just wanted to come here and say that I'm 10 days clean!! I spent the last year cutting almost every other day so I'm really proud of myself. Hope ya'll are okay too I belive in you For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 1400,"Title: I feel like I can’t do anything by myself sometimes and my friend doesn’t deserve my bs Text: I have issues taking care of myself because of my depression. I won’t sleep, eat, and other stuff. I have a female friend who has taken upon herself to basically act my mother to help me through my depression and get me to fix myself. She has been by my side for months as I’m dealing with issues and helping me through them. She will lecture me about eating constantly. She will find out I didn’t eat and will lecture me and get me to send her proof I’ve eaten. We have this agreement that she will mother me and help me. She has been the ear I been venting to and the person I go to when my issues really get to me. I feel like if she was any other person she would have stopped talking to me by now but instead we’ve gotten closer. I feel bad I have been making her do this stuff for me. It has gotten to a point she controls my savings so I don’t waste it. I really appreciate everything she has been doing for me but I am constantly feeling like I’m a burden to her even though she will constantly tell me I’m not. She will even tell me that in the middle of my mental breakdowns when I don’t even say it cause she knows I am thinking it. She will get mad at me if I don’t go to her during a mental breakdown and just be alone through it. She will only find out because I’m very open to her and she will eventually find out. I always tell her how much I appreciate her and that she’s the best thing that ever happened to me. She is the only person I felt comfortable enough to be open 100% with and tell her everything. She is the only person who really knows my past and what I’ve been through. I just can’t help but feel that she shouldn’t have to put up with my bs. I’m not making her do this stuff but she doesn’t deserve to deal with my issues. I always tell her how much I care about her and how much she means to me. She never really opens up about her feelings towards me but she told me what she thought of our friendship and I almost cried because I always thought that I was the only one that felt close and she said we are close friends and are platonic soulmates. It was the first time I actually felt like I had someone who I could be close with without having a guard up and hide things from. She had to basically force me into her life but I can’t help feeling like I am hurting things because of my issues. I’m worried she will be like everybody else and leave but she thinks I dealt with multiple narcissistic people. She will always make a point to say that I have to put up with her for the rest of my life and I can’t help but smile and laugh. She has been extremely patient with me even though I can be annoying with my constant apologies and breakdowns. She has helped me in a lot of ways In just a few months. I noticed Friday that I’m looking forward to stuff again and appreciate what I have. I feel like all we talk about is mental health but forget that it’s only a small fraction of what we talk about. The moments we are being stupid and laughing are the highlights of my month. I know I was all over the place, I feel bad for the stuff I’m putting her through but I appreciate who she is. If it wasn’t for her idk where I’d be right now. Me and her became friends in the beginning of my mental health issues and I was constantly worried she’d get tired of me because of it. I used to cry all the time in my teens but someone told me that I need to stop and I stopped for years until the past few month. I have cried so much in the past few months. She told me it’s good that I cry, I need to stop holding my stuff inside. She has seen me cry or almost cry so much lately. But she has probably been the only person who can comfort me the best. She will talk to me the same way my mom used to talk to me when I cried as a kid and it really soothes me. I never told her that but it helps me calm down. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1401,"Title: I’ve done everything I could, I’m leaving peacefully Text: I keep saying I’ll do it.. today might be the day. I gave myself a month to get better, and promised that if things didn’t get better I’d end it. All the times that I’ve almost done it, I was scared. Scared of the fact that I might still have been alive afterwards and what happens after death. I think I’m completely calm today, like I’ve accepted my fate. I have no other reason to hold on for. I’ve made my best friend a birthday card and said my sorry. I’ve made my mom and dad proud one last time, and I’ve told my sister how much I love her. My notes are ready, and I’m ready to move on. Hopefully to a world that’s nicer to me. This is a cry for help. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1402,"Title: should i tell my friend i relapsed because of something she did? Text: about a week ago my friend did something that really upset me and caused me to relapse. she knows about my self harm and everything is fine between us now but i kind of want to tell her i relapsed because of what she did. not in a manipulating kind of way but just to have open and healthy communication. obviously if i were to tell her, i would approach it very calmly and not accusitory. should i tell her?? i’m not sure if it’s a good idea For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 1403,"Title: Is anyone else embarrassed by the reasons why they self harm? Text: I self harm whenever I mess up, for me that's all the fucking time. I self harm and rage quit when I have a bad match in a game. I was doing stuff on paint.net when the alpha cutter plugin malfunctioned, I couldn't figure out why so I just quit on the spot and started cutting. I hate that I'm so dramatic, the moment something bad happens I just want smash my head against the wall. Every little thing causes me so much anger. Does anyone SH for petty af reasons. Most people reply with standard answers like anger, although that's the case with me, the reasons for the anger is the pettiest shit in the world that wouldn't bother a normal person For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1404,"Title: What am I supposed to tell my parents Text: My assignments are piling up on the second month of school and I'm not doing that well academically. I think about killing myself every day. I just don't have it in me. My parents make passive aggressive comments every day about how I'm fucking up. I don't know how or if I should tell them or what to do. Knowing them, they'd either yell at me and then pretend nothing happened the next day or just straight up section me. I don't know what to do For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1405,"Title: My manager Text: I worked at a restaurant for 3ish years and for about 2 and a half years I was sexually harassed by my manager. I would say in that there were only a handful of days that he did not make sexual comments towards me. He would say things like you’re so hot, when are we gonna sleep together, your boyfriend isn’t as good in bed as me, you should come to my hotel after work, you should drink with me after work…and I could go on. He’s the type of manager that acts as a dictator. Hated by most of his employees. He would routinely say to everyone that his name was on the building so he didn’t care what anyone else’s opinions were, what he said, goes. He would cuss out employees regularly and be very mean because he was in a bad mood. However, he never spoke mean towards me. He knew I was a hard worker. Long story short, we eventually got into an argument and he flat out disrespected me so I walked out and quit. I finally have a new job and I’m very happy I finally left the restaurant business. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 1406,"Title: Swear I’m about to off it Text: Done For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1407,"Title: Why is it so hard for men in their 20s to make friends? It’s like we are all fucking idiots who can’t talk to each other even though we know we need to. Text: I’m 25 and have a long term gf I live with, so maybe I’m not “lonely” per se. But I have zero friends. And it doesn’t help that I work remote. I love the perks but it sucks not seeing people every day. I haven’t had friends since I graduated from college almost 4 years ago now. I had close friends I could cry in front too, great friends, but we all live in different states now and it’s hard to stay in touch or have any meaningful relationships. I started working remote 6 months ago and I don’t even leave the house anymore. I spend all day every day alone, and my gf is traveling for work half the time so I really am alone for several nights a week. I try making guy friends but it feels so awkward. Im not weird either. Im just your average 9-5 guy who might enjoy going to grab drinks or play sports with some guys a few times a month. I tried using bumble bff and conversations with normal guys just are so boring. When did guys forget how to talk to each other? My gf knows I’m lonely and tries to set me up with her friends’ bfs and what not as “friends” but it all feels so fake and I can tell they’re not into it either. Is this a new phenomenon? I feel so lonely and just wish I had people to spend time with, but at the same time I see how guys my age, including myself, are. For some reason we are all lonely and can’t push ourselves to connect. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1408,"Title: Idk Text: I'. Am relly drunk I just want tindie but I i don't want to die , I tried when I was 15 I think about dying everu ady u For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","suicideideation_active_past, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 1409,"Title: My oldest friend raped me on Sunday Text: I've known him since I was 8. Now I'm 20 and he's 19. Long enough to know if he had a dark side I'd have thought. But on Sunday we were in his car coming back home, and he drove me into a country lane and did it to me. I don't know what to think or do anymore. For days I've just felt numb but today I've been literally shaking and crying since I woke up. It's okay if no-one reads this but I just desperately needed to put this into words. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_ongoing Question 1410,"Title: do u guys ever plan Text: do u guys ever plan like “ok my day was shitty at school so when i get home in 20 minutes i’m gonna do it” and hope the urge doesn’t go away? even if it isn’t strong ? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1411,"Title: People who fall asleep and never wake up again are truly blessed Text: Every morning I open my eyes and am so utterly disappointed. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1412,"Title: Relapsed today Text: Stone cold sober. It'd been less than 2 weeks since the last time but for some reason, cutting my upper thighs doesn't feel ""satisfying"" like it used to so in my head they didn't count. I sort of felt on autopilot but also very starkly aware of what I was doing. It was slow and gradual and very much deliberate. It didn't hurt so much as just feel cold. Maybe that's more of the numb feeling? I don't know. I'm tired of the scars but they help me feel less alone. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1413,"Title: crying rn Text: I just reconnected with an online friend of mine I used to chat with a lot 2 years ago. I'm fucking crying right now. This may be my favorite moment of 2022. They were with me when I was at my lowest, when I had 0 friends irl. fucicicic For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1414,"Title: I guess I am ungrateful Text: I don't know why I make things harder for myself. Why can't I just function normally? I can't help but think of dying 24/7. It brings me comfort but I despise it as well. It's hard to do normal everyday activities. I'm as good as dead if I wasn't forced to do a routine everyday. I'm lazy. I just want someone to kill me already,, I'm too much of a chicken to do it myself. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1415,"Title: Guidance Text: I'm making this post simply for guidance and also any advice. Long story short me and my significant other got into a physical altercation. She wrote a few false statements, pressed charges and filed a PFA. Fast forward to now she is requesting the charges get dropped and also wants to drop the PFA. The judge who makes a decision on the PFA is refusing to drop it until there is more clarity on the criminal charges. My question is would it be best for my significant other (at the time) to drop the charges and possibly allow the state to pick it up or continue with the process and admit how she lied in her statements, how the police verbally stated they weren't going to add key points on the affidavit that would favor in her behalf. I hope I explained myself well. I appreciate any and all advice. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1416,"Title: Find a reason to live Text: Please find a reason to live, death will come for us when it’s our time, we should not go looking for death. I care about every human on this earth, I love all of you every single person, male or female, doesn’t matter what you think you did bad in the past or what you’ve done bad in the past what matters is who you are today. Please find help if you think it’s near your end. People care about you people love you I don’t know any of you and I would gladly be your friend, someone to talk to and listen to you. Please find a reason to live. We need to For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1417,"Title: Help - Stranger followed my friend home, tried to rape her, and is still unidentified. Anyone have experience w/ this type of situation? Text: ****Update: He was arrested! The police sent the story and photos to the media and he was caught. His charges: - 1. BURGLARY OF STRUCTURE WITH ASSAULT/BATTERY (ASSAULT) Statute: 810.02(2)(A) First Degree - Felony - 2. ATTEMPTED SEXUAL BATTERY (12 YOA OR OVER) Statute: 794.011(5) Third Degree - Felony to add: She filed a police report, they have his face clearly on camera. However, no one has been able to identify this man. She was lucky enough to escape and scare him off because she told him he was on camera. There’s not much I can find online regarding strangers acting in this behavior. Wondering if anyone can help give us answers to find this man or tips on how to help my friend in any way? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1418,"Title: Being called childish while suicidal is simply heartbreaking Text: My therapist told me that i’m childish 3 days ago. She did it because i wanted a hug. I just wanted a hug and i’ve been called childish. I still can’t get that out of my mind. It simply hurts. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1419,"Title: is it harassment for someone to repeatedly expose your scars/the fact you self harm in the workplace? Text: Asking for a friend..they keep getting harassed at work..a coworker that definitely *knows* they self harm makes big gestures towards their bandages and keeps making scenes infront of customers and making their life hell.... I know thats a bunch of word gunk in a mess of what should be a paragraph. Can they report this/would it be worth it? Or is there anything they can do to stop/prevent major problems from arising? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1420,"Title: MY ABUSER PLEADED GUILTY AND IS IN JAIL Text: Edit: I found out last week he is not in jail and was never in jail. They're working through a plea deal. I am beyond frustrated After 2 years of living in constant fear of my boyfriend of 8 years and the building of worse and worse abuse he nearly killed me. I was in the ER 2 days, got an emergency protective order, my parents took me in, I bought a new car, quit my job. Uprooted everything. Changed my life for the better. After nearly 2 years of waiting HE PLEADED GUILTY. HE IS IN JAIL. I have never felt so safe since this happened. After the incident,I put cameras all over my house. Motion sensor lights inside and outside. I just got the call from the DA. I feel so free. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1421,"Title: I fucking hate working. Everything is meaningless. I have no motivation and everyone keeps ignoring me. Text: My brain is so fucked up that I can’t derive joy out of most things. I try to be a good person but life constantly proves that nothing matters. It’s all so fucking stupid. I hate working these goddamn meaningless jobs that only serve to ruin my day. New job already is off to a terrible start and I can’t imagine it’ll get better. I have constant irrational thoughts about many aspects of my life and it makes me want to puke. I will never know what it’s like to be “normal” and it eats me up inside. How does it feel to not worry about everything, even things that don’t make sense, but my brain convinces me are real? Nostalgia is not comforting. I remember parts of the past and only feel pain. I am fundamentally broken on many levels and I do not believe repair is possible. The only permanent fix is a bullet to the brain. Goodnight. Edit: I am very grateful for the kind words many of you have shared. I am so sorry that many of you feel the same as I; it’s truly unfair that modern life is built this way. I am getting ready for my shift at work, and while I know it’s going to fucking suck, at least it pays. Not enough of course, but it’s something. Hope everyone reading this has an alright day. Drink some coffee or tea if that’s something you like. It makes things marginally better. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1422,"Title: I’m not sure if this is sexual harassment Text: This happened a couple months ago during my gym class. I was chilling on the bleachers with a couple of my friends. One of them were sitting a couple bleachers down and were right by my knees. The guy who we’ll call Garry puts his hand on my knee. I already hate people touching me so I just moved my leg. He puts his hand there over and over and I start to get uncomfortable. I was lowkey freaking out so I got up. I moved up one bleacher, I’m one of those girls who sit with their legs open. He moved up and slid in the middle of my legs. His head near my private part. I froze for a couple seconds until I got up and started packing my things. I was freaking out at this point. He got up and started taking pictures of me. I asked him to delete them but then he started laughing. I started tearing up so I went to the doors to leave. I just can’t stop thinking about it, and when people touch me at my legs I freak out. Or when I’m sitting to close to people I freak out and think “They’ll do the same thing”. It’s weird considering who I think about when I say these things in my head. Especially when I’m around guys, I don’t have many guy friends except four. But when I’m near them I just think they’ll do the same thing. It’s dumb and what happened wasn’t the worse thing that can happen. I just feel like I’m overreacting. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 1423,"Title: When does it cross the line into harassment, think my roommate was hitting on me Text: One night all my roommates talking me F23, 2 males early 20s, and a female late 20s. He offered to take us all out to dinner said he had a great job and would love to treat us. He previously took the other male out to dinner. The day comes he flakes and says nothing. The next day he asked me to eat with him he doesn’t like to eat alone. I really thought nothing of it threw on sweats. I get the feeling this isn’t completely platonic he keeps telling me to come close to him so he can whisper in my ear. And then he asked if I’d like his help relaxing in the bath. I just kind of laughed it off bc idk why I would let a stranger help me “relax” in my bathroom. And then ofc he opens the car door for me. And when we get in side he asks again if I wanted help in the bath. He kept trying to touch my necklace. And then told me how his him and his ex girlfriend had sex for like 6 hours straight in detail. I don’t know why he told me that but I felt so weird. That was a couple weeks ago and he’s asked me to dinner again but I said no bc I don’t want to give him the implication I am interested. He asked me again over the weekend if i wants to share some champagne, I ignored him. And honestly I like to be friendly with my roommate and hang out. But idk about being alone around him under the influence. Am I overreacting, I don’t want to make things weird by trying to set boundaries. I know harassment has to be repeated or sufficiently serious to be counted. Also don’t know if I should be worried For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 1424,"Title: How bad advice can be confusing for a DV survivor Text: A friend of mine suggested that I ""date"" my abuser again to see if I truly knew there was no chance of reconciliation. I'm completely confused by this advice. It's true that since I left, he has been begging me not to go through with a divorce, but I left for good reasons. I was afraid of him. The abuse was escalating. How can I trust him, let alone go on a date with him again?? She also suggested a make a list of the pros and cons of being with him. Ugh, hello? How can there be any ""pros"" when he is abusive toward me. It seems that in and of itself is enough to cancel out any positive qualities that he may have. She even knows about the abuse too. I'm really confused. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1425,"Title: My brother wants to take his own life and i don't know what to do Text: I desperately need some advice and I don't know who else to ask, so I'm asking here. I’ll provide some context first. My younger brother (15) has struggled with his mental health for years now, our father is an abusive piece of shit who traumatized us both and my mother is as emotionally neglectful as it gets, on top of that he was born with a genetic disorder that has significantly affected his development and physical appearance. The point is he has a miserable family life, has to endure constant bullying and deal with the constant pains caused by his disability. He trusts me enough to occasionally talk about his mental health with me and I try to be as supportive as I can. I've tried to convince my mother to get him a therapist but her only response is that if he wants to die so badly then he might as well just do it. He's getting worse and I don't know what to do. He's self harming more and more and talking about how he thinks he won't be able to make it past December and how he has no reason to stay alive anymore. My father is a doctor so our house is basically filled with pills, he knows this. I just don’t know what to do, I have no other family to turn to for help. What can I say to him? How can I help him? my parents seem to be more than ok with him dying but i'm not, please just help me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1426,"Title: My friends father just beat his wife while I was at a sleepover. Text: This is a throwaway account to protect everyone involved in this incident. This is also the first time I'm posting something on reddit but I'm completely lost and I don't know what else to do. I was visiting a childhood friend today. We haven't seen each other in a year and decided to have a small party/gathering with some friends at his place. His parents were away for the evening and would come back later that evening. Since he lives quite far away, he invited me to stay over night and go home the next day. After the party we went upstairs to his room and watched a movie. His father was downstairs in the living room watching tv and his mom went to sleep in the room next to us. At some point late that night, we heard some glass breaking downstairs. We thought his father might have dropped a plate or something, so we didn't go to check on him. However, mom woke up and went downstairs to see what happened. They had a short argument and then she started screaming and called for my friend. He went to the living room and I stayed in his room. I heard his mom yell that he (his dad) hit her in the face. She stormed off and locked herself in her room. My friend cleaned up the mess downstairs and came back upstairs and didn't say a word for the rest of the night. We finished the movie and I went to bed in another room upstairs. It's almost 4 in the morning and I can't sleep. I'm afraid and I don't know what to do. My parents divorced because of domestic violence when I was little and it broke my family and I can't stand the thought of it happening again to my friends family. I love them very much and they seemed to be the perfect family. Should I try to talk to them in the morning? Please help me. UPDATE: I woke up my friend at 5 AM and we had a long talk. He told me it only happened once before and that was a long time ago. And it only happens if his father drinks too much. I know his father very well and it sounded like the truth to me. He is a very reasonable and intelligent man and I have (had) the utmost respect for him. So I decided to go downstairs and wake him up. He was very hung over and said he couldn't remember anything. I told him what happened and he reacted in disbelief and was shocked. I made it clear that his actions were unacceptable and that I was thinking about calling the cops. But since he was back to his old self, I proposed to sit down at the kitchen table and to discuss how to deal with this. We talked for an hour about health issues and self control with alcohol and other things. His wife and son joined us later and we decided it would be the best for them to get professional help and counseling. He was very apologetic and his wife made it very clear that if it would happen again, she would leave him. Before I left he promised me, to never do it again. I also told the mother to call me whenever she feels unsafe or just wants to talk about it. I am now on my way home and it's almost 08:30 AM. I am dead tired and I'll need a couple of days to process the whole situation. Thanks for the help and advise (which I didn't really follow, sorry for that). I was just really freaking out and needed to talk to someone, because I was never in a situation like this before. Also sorry for any spelling mistakes, english is my third language and I'm still learning. I just wish I would have acted differently. Maybe if I went downstairs with my friend it would have never happened... For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1427,"Title: feeling exhausted and shaky after my first time going deep, is that normal Text: hi, I don’t really know where else to go but I hit a pretty bad point mentally tonight and I had a cut that was dripping quite a lot of blood. I applied pressure and cleaned and added steri-strips to it, but I am so tired and out of breath, is normal? I feel really guilty and I know it was really bad For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1428,"Title: Escape Text: all i can think of is the same way out. Not only to escape the pain of my thoughts w anxiety and depression but also the pain of knowing my life has no meaning , no depth, no purpose.. I am nothing I mean nothing..but admittedly I feel like I might finally be heard if I kill myself. People will finally have heard and acknowledged I was a human with feelings that wasn't strong enough to stand up for myself and let people make me feel like shit time and time again. Maybe they will also learn that action do have repercussions and ""just let it go"" doesn't help someone thats struggling with crippling pain. I've been ignored and brushed over all my life.... maybe people will hear me. Maybe, at the very least my death can have some kind of meaning. (even though in reality I know I am easily forgotten.) Of course, my dog is who I worry the most about if/when I go... I love my dog... but hate myself for being afraid to kill myself. but honestly everything feels right about doing it 88-22 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1429,"Title: sh suddenly hurts/stings way too much Text: is this normal or could it be that my box cutter is dull? i bought it like 3-4 days ago and it just doesn't make me bleed anymore + it hurts a lil too much more than when i first got it. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1430,"Title: Hi, I'm Chris with Operation Safe Escape. Ask me anything about security, safety, and hiding your location, and more! Text: I'm Chris, the director of Operation Safe Escape. We're a nonprofit organization that helps people impacted by domestic violence and stalking escape their situation and stay safe after they do. We address the full range of safety and security, from helping people figure out how to secure their apartment to planning how to get out safety, and so much more! I'm here to answer any questions you might have about safety and security! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1431,"Title: I have nothing left. Text: Over the last year, my mental health has really turned for the worse. I had an emotional support dog, but he’s no longer in the picture. I don’t have the energy to put on a facade at work anymore, so my mood decline has been noticed. I feel like everything I once held dear has been taken and I’m being squeezed for more. I have nothing left I can’t seem to manage the day to day pain of life anymore. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1432,"Title: Not afraid of death, but I fear living Text: but I'm chained by my family. I can't bear the thought of them dealing with the aftermath. However I'm acutely aware of my status as a financial burden which is straining our family since the pandemic, they don't deserve this, this fate. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGtQe6Mbyfw](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGtQe6Mbyfw) I've been comforting myself with this song from my favorite show for the past week now. It perfectly encapsulates what I'm feeling. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1433,"Title: I don't have the will to live anymore. Text: I'm tired . I can't keep up with the facade that everything's gonna be alright . For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1434,"Title: I’m Sorry But This Is Fucking Triggering Text: Amidst the news about Kobe Bryant dying in a plane crash with his daughter, articles about him raping a 19 year old girl have also come into light. He even admits that he can “see how it was nonconsensual to the woman” and the article talks about how he settled it in a civil lawsuit. Yet, he’s still claiming it’s not rape and that it was consensual to his wife and the public. Meanwhile he’s also been stating that the girl had no reasons to falsely accuse him, so the public shouldn’t bash her. Yet they are. Even with Kobe obviously admitting it was rape without trying to take any blame, the public has still been bashing that girl and claiming Kobe isn’t a rapist. I think this information should have come out years ago. For it to come out about him in his death really sucks, but it’s also sucky that even with him pretty much admitting to guilt no one placed him at fault. This is why women are so afraid to come forward. [Kobe Half Assed Admits To Raping A 19 Year Old](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.latimes.com/sports/story/2020-01-26/what-happened-kobe-bryant-sexual-assault-case%3f_amp=true) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1435,"Title: I had a dream about my assault and orgasmed during it, now I feel disgusting Text: Potential TW for going into detail I've been having a lot more dreams about being raped since I started therapy a few days ago but this was the first time it's felt as real as it did. In the dream I was sitting on my abuser's lap and he was touching my breasts under my clothes and fingering me and I guess I started helping him (I didn't remember that happening until now but maybe it did and I forgot about it?) and eventually I orgasmed both in the dream and I think in real life. I woke up and couldn't fall back asleep and now I feel aroused and so, so disgusted with myself for being aroused now that I'm awake. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1436,"Title: does anyone else not cry when they self harm? i feel weird Text: the first few times i did it, i cried, and crying actually felt good. it sounds cheesy, but it felt like my emotions were leaving my body. plus the emotional thoughts i have while i'm crying help me better understand how i'm feeling. now when i'm feeling like shit and i immediately turn to self harm, i don't cry. i get so focused and my sadness turns into this weird, suffocating feeling. i can't get my emotions out through crying, so instead of my cutting allowing me to feel and understand my emotions, it's more like a temporary pacifier for myself.. i don't like it.. the feeling of crying while self harming was so much more relieving? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1437,"Title: Pregnant & homeless because of my abusive ex Text: I'm sick and tired of listening to my baby daddy verbally and physically abuse me. He's been putting me down and calling me names for almost 2 weeks now. He was doing it before. But it has gotten worse. Even his dad noticed it. I didn't even do anything to him! He had me evicted from my house and now I'm in my parents' house almost 5 months pregnant and with a 7 month old. I wish I'd of put a stop to it months ago. But now I'm stuck because my stuff is at his new house. It's crazy how he got me evicted from my place and somehow managed to get a very nice house. While his daughter and I were kicked to the streets. I have housing so they are helping me with a new place. The only problem is that this new place is disgusting! I fear my car is gonna get broken into or my stuff is going to get stolen there. I rly hope not! But it's terrible how a person can treat the mother of his children like that. He chocked me yesterday in his garage, then kept telling me how dumb I am. How its karma that I got kicked out and have no place. When he did this to us! I haven't had sex with him because he turns me off. So he treats me even worse. He has never acted this way with me. But enough is enough! I have to convince my parents now to get my stuff from there so I won't be forced to see him. If he wants to see his daughter he's gonna have to take me to court. Because I'm not going to deal with the abuse. I wish I could disappear so he won't ever hurt me again. My daughter and son don't need to be influenced by him! I don't want them to be raised by him so they can be just like him! I honestly just want to run away to another city where he can't find us. But my parents just moved here in my city and they have been a lot of help. My daughter also has free child care and I have housing. I tried getting a protective order against him but I couldn't because I made a report once and the cop was on his side. After I was chocked! Just because I showed up where he was staying with his side chick. I don't understand why life has to be this unfair. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","domesticviolence_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 1438,"Title: I often think about killing myself Text: I (22M) often think about suicide. I know this may seem like im an attention seeker, but the thing is that every day i try to make it better and every time it fails. I feel i can’t do anything right and that im just unable to feel happy. Right now I’m writting this because i just feel that everybody would be just better without me. Im scared about what this is doing to me and to where it may take me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1439,"Title: I wish I would die in my sleep Text: I don't plan to commit suicide(i'm afraid that i might survive the methods and then i would be worse off), but every night I wish I would die in my sleep and every morning I'm disappointed I'm still alive. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1440,"Title: Will I ever get over my rape? Text: It happened over 8 months ago now and I still can’t stop thinking about it. Not quite in the same way that I used to - like in a panicked way - but it still pops into my head multiple times a day and I always fall asleep thinking about what happened or about him. I still can’t relax when I have a drink and I usually end up crying to my friends, even though I feel fine when I’m sober. And I come on here and read through other peoples rape stories for comfort, which I know us unhealthy and I need to stop. I just want to know if there will ever be a point where I can get through a day without thinking about what happened. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1441,"Title: Angry Husband Text: My husband is a very loving person and he has always supported me to do well in life but there is a part of me that I dont understand. He gets angry at the slightest of the things and when he gets angry he does not take a second before slapping or beating me up. He doesnot beat severly but he beats me up. Like today he beat me beacuse I washed his backpack that had a postcard that he brought for his colleague from our last trip. It was my mistake but do I deserve a beating for this? I dont want to break this marraige so I talked to him about it a lot of times and he apologises later on but the next time a fight happens he doesnot take a min to think before laying his hands on me. What should I do? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1442,"Title: true story Text: getting sexual harassed. again. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 1443,"Title: People don't understand the severity of sh until they see/do it themselves. (TW) Text: When I first cut, it was a few, tiny cuts in both of my forearms. The soreness made it hard for me to sleep the next few days, and I never wanted to do it again. One and a half years later, my arms and legs are covered in scars, and my chest and thighs have some too. The cuts went from 6 to 600, and I have to cut deeper and further just to get the same relief. I'm bleeding from my arm as I'm typing this. Self harm can start off as a seemingly effective way of dealing with emotions, pain, or whatever the reasoning may be. But after a while it can become part of the pain, and it makes a loop. Sh when you're feeling bad (very general, I know), feel better, feel bad about sh, sh, etc.) If you're considering sh as a means of handling your issues, please don't, its not worth it in the end. Find someone to talk to, something to take your mind off things, whatever you have to do. To whoever may be considering sh, please don't. It isn't worth it. And to whoever does sh, I hope things get better for you. Sorry this was so long For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1444,"Title: i don’t want to be depressed anymore Text: it’s such a burden on my life. i want to wake up happy everyday but instead i’m always so exhausted and all i can think about is laying in my bed and sleeping. i just want a break from university. it’s all so much. but taking a week off from school isn’t allowed for me unfortunately :(( i’d literally do anything just to have a week to myself and not have any stress. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1445,"Title: I don’t know how to reach out to others about the abuse because I fear they won’t believe me. Text: Since leaving the relationship and realising I have been a victim of abuse, I haven’t really been able to speak to anyone about it. My ex is really good at presenting as charming and friendly to people, whilst I struggle to mask my true emotions and often seem angry or emotional because of BPD. I don’t know if she’s been saying anything about me, but I heard from a friend who’s trying to help me get my stuff back that she presented in a calm manner towards him. I can’t stop doubting myself now. I know what I went through, but because a lot of it happened behind closed doors I have no idea how to talk to people about it. Some of my friends are also friends with her and I have a feeling they’d believe her more than me. I’ve been withdrawing from everyone because I don’t know how to talk about it without it just seeming like I’m starting petty drama - despite the fact that she intentionally made me homeless after I finally set a boundary and no longer wished to put up with her alcoholism and her degradation. It doesn’t help that there’s not much resources in my country for men, especially transgender men. I feel so isolated and alone, but also I keep feeling like I’m being dramatic. I’ve literally had one domestic abuse hotline confirm I’m not going crazy and a few of my friends understanding me, yet I feel completely invalidated because of how she can present herself to others. It feels like my fault I became homeless. It feels like my fault that I got treated like shit when she was drunk. It feels like I was the shitty boyfriend who couldn’t do anything right. Am I going crazy? Am I really overthinking it? Was I really a victim? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1446,"Title: Am I the only one whose mental state seems to have improved from being isolated for this long? Text: I feel like being under quarantine has ironically actually helped me out a lot. My family has a long history of depression, and in the past few years I started to get my first touches of it. Over time it progressively got worse, until recently. Idk what it is, but after being isolated for this long I feel fantastic. Better than I have in a very long time. Has anyone else noticed this? All I see are people talking about how horrible their lives are in quarantine and how much they want it to end and I'm not gonna lie, part of me doesn't want it to. I know it has to eventually, but part of me really really doesn't want it to end. I was just curious what other people's experiences were. Thanks! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1447,"Title: processing and releasing trauma Text: i’m looking for some strategies and exercises to accept and release trauma (of my sexual assault). it could be exercises like saying(screaming) what you would say to your rapist out loud, or screaming into a pillow. hope you have some ideas For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1448,"Title: I’m a male caregiver and I believe I’ve been sexually harassed at my job. Had the urge to genuinely report it so I did. Text: Tomorrow I have a meeting with my Executive Director & HR department to discuss a couple issues I have, one of which being causally sexually harassed as a male care giver. Long story short, ever since I’ve worked in this female ran industry I have been shown multiple sexual text messages or photos from co-workers (at work) that they would not show any other caregiver male or female. All of these times I negated engagement in further conversation with these girls but I’m confident it will continue to happen & make me uncomfortable. Like why show me that? I did not ask or initiate that Second Incident: one night a few months ago I was taking out the trash at the end of my shift, a girl I had worked with but wasn’t too close with had came out with me, ended up asking me that someone at our work thinks your cute and wants to know if your single. I said to be honest when I go to work I’m not thinking about that stuff and I’m focusing on myself for now. She then asks if I think anybody is cute, at this point I am uncomfortable and respond with “no one I don’t want to be talking about this” She then responded with okay well I will let them know Which made me worried as were attitudes in the building going to be changed towards me? (They were) What if the roles were reversed? After some more incidents between these female caregivers I decided to have a meeting with my bosses. But I question if I will be taken seriously. Sorry for the length, tried to be short and sweet. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 1449,"Title: A rant Text: I grew up in a home with domestic violence and I swore to myself I would never let my relationship look the way my parents did. I thought I knew my worth and could run away from any man that every treated me poorly. Boy was I wrong. I ended up with a man who is exactly like my father. How did this happen? I really just cannot understand how I let my life turn into the one I swore I would never deal with. Now I have children and they are witnessing the same things I did. And they’re going to have the same messed up minds and trauma as adults. I know I need to get out but i don’t even know where to start. Im just so disappointed in myself. Obviously it wasn’t like this at first. It took a few years before the abuse began. I wish I was as strong as I thought I was. I also feel so much guilt for ever thinking poorly of my mother for staying in it for so long. Im just so very full of emotions. Sorry that this rant is all over the place. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1450,"Title: Alcoholic roommate is a perv Text: I wrote 4 months ago in here about a roommate who just won't stop w the sexual harassment. it seemed to be getting better ...but didn't last long. He is an alcoholic and will drunk text me at the wee hours of the morning some really disgusting shit. That I have to wake up to . It ruins my makes my mood and makes my blood pressure rise which isn't good for my AFib. Now because I have been consistent with not letting him get his way he is starting to threaten me about seeing people. He stated that because it is his house that I am not allowed to have men over. I told him because I pay rent that I am perfectly able to have anybody I choose over. I rent The basement part of his house which is a finished apartment. He is completely obsessed with me and in his mind thinks that I am his even though I had stated clearly that he must stop with the verbal sexual harassment and trying to grope me whenever I walk by which still hasn't stopped either. I don't know what to do. It's the only roof I have over my head which is why I don't cause any drama about it. I'm starting to feel he's becoming psychotic about me. I blocked him again on my phone . Which only does me good when he's outta the house. He can still see me when home. I just need to get this off my chest. I guess I could tell him to stop or I'll get cops involved. But he always states how he has friends at the ""station"". And the cops will just tell me to move out It's not that easy He keeps doing things for me too. That I don't even ask for and keep telling him to stop. Like put air in my tires, leave me chocolate around, or buy me gifts. He is super jealous of the father ofy kids who he thinks in his drunk delusional mind, that I'm sleeping w him. And even if I was, so fucking what!! We were never dating and never will be. I just want him to get this through that dumb pervy skull of his! [my original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/SexualHarassment/comments/qq6nc0/i_dont_know_what_to_do_cant_live_like_this_anymore/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 1451,"Title: I need help/advice Text: The other night I was out with my three friends from college three girls. I decided to go home early because I felt a bit sick looking back it’s stupid now I should have stuck it out. When the three girls where walking home drunk these men took the three of them upstairs from the street and raped one of them in the kitchen in front of the other two and then locked her in the room and didn’t let her go until the next morning. I know it’s not about me but I can’t help but feel guilty she says she doesn’t blame me at all but if I just stayed maybe it wouldn’t have happened. She says she doesn’t want to tell the police because she doesn’t want her parents to find out. I’m trying to convince her to go to the police but at the end of the day it’s not my choice I just don’t want my friend to go through something like this and the guys just get away with it. She remembers where their house was what they look like and the other two girls are witnesses. How do I convince her to go to the police or should I leave it and let her make the decision on her own?. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1452,"Title: DAE hate it when people refer to your arm as ""ruined""? Text: Like no, It's not ruined. It functions perfectly, I just have scars. It doesn't affect my level of attraction. Nobody looks at a forearm and says ""ohhh you're forearm is sooo hot :p"" The purpose of skin is to protect the inside of your body, and it does. It's not ""ruined"" just because it looks different than yours. I couldn't care less about fitting your meaningless standards. (This applies to any form of self harm to the skin) edit: I appreciate all the love and support I'm getting from all of you <3 I wish you all the best. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 1453,"Title: Final Year Text: Im pretty much running on the last few happy memories I have left at this point. I dont think I can last another year trying to look happy, putting things off and trying my best to get things back on track. I really dont want to see my mom sad but I dont think I have the strength to tell her about all my failings. Everything started to fall apart for me during the pandemic, I was fresh in college ,had a scholarship and I had a dream. The problem was I couldn't make new friends online , learning was hard and I sabotaged myself after an argument with my mom. 2 years after that time I'm on the verge of losing my scholarship,I pretty much failed in every aspect I wanted to become and I dont think any amount of love from my family will make them forgive me for my mistakes. They love me for my achievements , for my supposed intelligence but that was never who I was and now everything is coming back to haunt me. So well ig this is it ill confess through a suicide letter all of my mistakes, my failings and my regrets. I love my family and I know they love me but I'm not strong enough to face the mess I made of my life. It was a good run for those 21 years . I think I plant to gas myself by November this year since its the most painless and doesnt leave as much marks on the body. Anyways ig its easy to start confess this here first before I begin writing the letter. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1454,"Title: Hi. Text: Glad this place exists. Hope you are all doing well. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1455,"Title: staying sober is so hard when ur alone. Text: my bf broke up w me over a month ago. its really starting to click in my head that hes no longer a part of my life. i got fired from my job over a week ago and have been trying to apply to multiple places but no response. i dont talk to anyone and check my phone constantly and no one texts. so then i pop adderall so i can try and feel a bit better and i regret it. i try and stay sober the next day and rinse and repeat. i feel like a bum, i feel ugly and worthless and tired! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1456,"Title: Help somebody I need help. Text: Social outcast 101 Hello. So I broke up with my ex about four month ago and she already has a new bf. I wish I could find a gf that easy but I can’t. I’m really really sad. Any one have tips on how to meet girls? I’m really depressed. 😭 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1457,"Title: How Dry Cleaning Helped My Escape Text: Disclaimer: I am generally known for having a messy car. When I left the house in the morning, I didn't know it was going to be the day I escaped. The abuse occurred the night before and I just woke up the next morning and went to work. While sitting at my desk, I had the epiphany that I wasn't going home (*my* house that *I* owned, but i digress). I didn't know where I was going to go but I knew I wasn't going home. And I knew he wasn't going to leave, getting him to leave the house is a story for a different time, but it took about a month. Thank god, I just randomly had a ton of dry cleaning in my car. And I don't normally do dry cleaning, it was a total fluke. But there it was, most of my work clothes perfectly pressed, waiting for me to figure shit out. I didn't go home for a month, but I had clothes. I don't really don't know what I would have done without those clothes. Like most abusers, he isolated me from making friends. We had moved to a different state and I didn't have any friends or family within 600 miles. Obviously, this wont be an option for everyone. But if you are thinking about leaving and don't want to bring attention - dry cleaning helped me for sure. You can leave it in your car or if you know you are going to leave on a certain day you can drop the dry cleaning off early to make it just look like a chore and not like you are packing up. If he uses a dry cleaner, go to a different one in a different part of town. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1458,"Title: Anyone remember a time before? Text: The days spent hating every second of your existence and the nights drowning in tears. I don’t remember a time before it. Not a single second where I didn’t wish for the feeling of nothing. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1459,"Title: should i tell my mom what bothering me even though she might not understand? Text: My mom knows i am suffering mentally and found out I selfharm, she has tried asking what's wrong but I always stay silent because I don't know where to start and she might not understand because she's not from the USA and usually judge's people for their actions or choices. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1460,"Title: I wish I could fall asleep and never wake up Text: In so tired of fighting the tide and having to constantly try to make myself feel some semblance of good, everything just takes so much effort im not even sure if its worth it anymore For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1461,"Title: can these pills finally fucking kill me Text: i’m hoping that with my very small ‘tolerance break’ (snorting 5-10 pills a day to 4 and 2 for the next two ik that’s not a lot) combined with taking more will do it, I jsut have to leave enoufh fentanyl to not be sick if I fucking fail again butnevery time I take a what should be a stupid high combo of xanax and fentanyl I just pass out and wake up feeling like shit and laying in bed for max a day or two before tryinfnsgain snd i’m so tired of it i’venalready started sabotaging my life almost to the point where I can’t go back so I have to follow through bht obvuously that was the point like I stopped doing college for the last 3 weeks and I’m already in my fifth year and very behind and have been not trying at work and being fucke dio enoufh my manager pulled me asidd and said he fired everyone he knew who did percs or xans but that he likes me and i used ti be such a good worker and it declined so rapidly and he was worried and i was like i’m not on anythinf i saear whixh was a lie bc i was on fent for the first year and a hald anx only did xans at work literally for one week and thats a bitch about xanax yea? it makes you feel kinda sober especially if you have anxieyy like me and I think no one notices but wvery. single. time. people notice and several people ask if i had taken xanax. luckily i’m in rhe process of changinf sleeping medications so that’s my excuze for now but yknow it can onlyngo for so long sorry this is long and has typos the first xans are kixking in i just really deally hope ir actually works tknguht because its insane how many tkmes ive fenuinely tried to off myself snd my tolerance keeps goinf up snd up and more and more bad shif keeps happeninf no way i can syrvibe a tolwenace beeak but i’m too much of a coward to use my gun but id i ran out of fent thats how itd have to go and im havinf so many fucking car prnkems back to back to back that I can bately drive or go out anywwjere my mom let me borrow her mustang bc one of my shop visits eas to get two newtires (after gettinf another new tire the week before) and HER fucking TIRE BLEW TOO and both of us have special rims (me) or tires (her) so out fuckinn transportation options are limited i’m glad she wint mad at me like it wwsntnmt fsult or nothint but if i didnt borrow it inwouldnt have hit the nail o probably picked ip st my work this is too many details the fentanrly ljnesnare making me ramble and i have no one to talk to so here i am sorry fof talkingnso so much bufbtheres so much more worse shitngoinf on and that hasnfone in in my life that i havent healed from in over a decade and i cantnimagine going through allthag time eith my current trauma too just to keep feeling like shif found oug mh psychiatrist the only professional ive ever trusted to open ip to is retiring too last week so now i’m fucked havinf fonfind someoenenelse who will take me because last time i tried to find a therapist I was gettinf denied left and right for having too many problems and needinf expensive specialists abut i just blew the last of mg shit savings on my car and j still have shit to fix i’m zo financially fucked and I’m never gonna get better why wonmt the jniverse just let me fucking die all the stipid wishes like 11:11 the shooting star I saw I wizh fod a peaceful oberdose please just ket it fucking fucking finally work also idk why i’m really crossposting this I guess i just want someone to talkto in mu last moments because if I tell my fridnds (who barely give a shit as it is) they would probabl call the cops or if i woke my partner or roommate they’ll narcan me and call the cops too but at the same time like nothings fonna help and writing this out is a kind of goodbye for myself i dont know if anyone will read this from my life since no one knows my reddit but ofc if they look thru my apps idk . j’ll post something more personal in my notes app esepecislly so people dont just mthink this was an accidental overdose or maybe inshsoukd? im torn but i think ppl will know it was on purposenbased on the last few months but idk thank god for autocorrect for helping me bc this would be completely unreadable lmao For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1462,"Title: my best friend just told me over text that she was raped two years ago Text: im actually super shocked she was just a kid back then, how can i be there for her? how can i comfort her and whats good to say and what shouldn’t i say im so sorry i just dont know how to handle this situation For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1463,"Title: Triggered Text: Someone shared with me (not knowing my story) that they were sexually abused and that in order to heal they had to go and find him, see him one on one, and tell them that they forgive him. This triggered me so much because my abuser, before I cut off all contact, threatened to rape me again and to hurt me ""way worse than the first time"". I'm so triggered idk what to do. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1464,"Title: I’m so tired of existing Text: The people who supposedly loved me the most said some of the worst things about me I’ve ever heard. I attempted suicide back in April and I honestly wish I would have just died. Nothing to look forward to at all in life. All I see ahead of me is struggle and more emptiness. What even is the point lol no one’s going to read this anyways. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","suicideideation_active_past, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 1465,"Title: I want to enjoy my life and not live the way I’m living life right now. Text: Hello, I’m a 21 y.o male. I apologies in advance if this post gets a bit messy. I keep coming to a conclusion that I’m wasting my life. I try to find some enjoyment in it - and manage to do. But the enjoyment I find is only temporary and lasts a couple of days then I go back to how I’m feeling now. I don’t really have any friends as I stopped talking to my friend group just before lockdown, due to being tired of the jokes they made. I don’t regret my decision. I have occasionally spoken to them since leaving the friend group and they still haven’t changed. I haven’t made any new friends since, due to the fact that I’m introverted and don’t really know how to make them. I guess I do have work friends, but I don’t talk to people outside of work as they’re all a lot older and have different lives to me. I also feel lost with my goals in life. I want to work in the cyber security sector but I find it very overwhelming with the extent of content you need to learn. I had a good study plan but slowly started to lose it. I know I need to stick to it again, I’m just waiting to get the motivation. And I’m not particularly enjoying my current job. But that’s not too much of a problem for me. I think my main problem is that I’m not doing anything with my life. I go home from work and either study for certificates or play games. On weekends I pretty much do the same. I want to change this, I want to start doing different things and be happy with my life. The question is, how can I? Any encouragement or advice would be greatly appreciated. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1466,"Title: If anyone wants to chat or vent dm Text: Anyone need some one to talk to dm me For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1467,"Title: He turned himself in today. Text: 8 years of my life. 7 since abuse began. 6 since I left. 2 since I gained sole custody of our child. 2 since charges were finally filed and warrants issued. 20 minutes since he turned himself in on warrants for harassing communications and violation of PFA....I'm entering uncharted territory. Is this freedom? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1468,"Title: therapy advice Text: hello, i feel i need therapy for (suspected) anxiety but therapy just seems so anxiety inducing. i’m struggling with feeling dread for everything in life whether it be work or something fun and i’ve honestly just resorted to only doing things i absolutely need to do (school internship) but i dread going every day and night and it just makes me so unhappy. but if i added therapy to the mix i would just dread that every single week too. i had two therapy sessions (mostly introduction) before and i just felt so awkward and awful and feeling like i’m saying untrue things and just wanted it to be over. so if i start again i feel scared that i will say the wrong things or get the wrong label or my therapist will think i’m crazy and i just don’t know what to do. did anyone else struggle with the same, and what ended up helping? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1469,"Title: Self harm excuses Text: A lot of us have to deal with constant negativity around our cuts/scars…and certainly a shit ton of questions. So here’s some sarcastic, silly and sneaky excuses to use if you ever find yourself in a situation Cuts- “My cat/dog can be a prick” (or les vulgar lol “I was playing/working in the woods and got pretty scratched up” or “I tripped and fell a ways while in the woods” “Was jumping a fence and didn’t see the spikes!” “You can see them too! *and laugh it off, walk away” “My job is dangerous” (works better on strangers) “I got into a fight/ you should see the other guy” Scars: “I was in an accident a while back” “Don’t climb trees at night” “I was attacked by an animal (pet?)” “Ninjas don’t play fair” “I won a fight” There’s obviously a ton more realistic ones to use, but that’s just off my head cause today I was in a situation where I needed a go-to response, cause a stranger asked about my scars. “What’s on your side?” (I was in a crop top) “What?” “The lines” “Oh? The scars?” *nods* “Hunting accident a few years back.” “What happened?” “I wasn’t the one doing the hunting apparently, the bear was.” “Oh…” and he left. Did he believe me, who knows. But it made me less awkward. I don’t share my story with random people I meet on the bus or in passing. It’s personal and not their concern. Sometimes I make up a story, other times i ignore. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 1470,"Title: Will it get worse? Text: I never thought that I would be in this situation. I just got married two years ago. I've known my husband to have anger issues, but I didn't think he would ever lay a hand on me. Well, Shortly after we got married, he got so rageful and he smacked a calendar on my face. He hasn't touched me since, but has said some awful things verbally, sometimes even threatening. Its been about a year and a half since the calendar incident. Last week, I came back from vacation and I was upset that my husband didn't take care of the house. I feel like I am doing all of the work. I got so frustrated, I started to blow up with him about my frustration. On top of this, he never wants to have sex with me and I am also sexually frustrated. He got so mad that he started putting his hands around my throat. I looked him in the face and told him, I wasn't scared to die. He stopped and claimed to have touched my chin, not my neck. I do not know what to do. I also feel extra bad because I saw one of my best friends on this trip that I used to have feelings for. He is such a nice guy and I just felt bad that I couldn't end up with someone so kind-hearted as him. Nothing happened between us but I just feel sad that he never paid attention to me and nothing ever came to fruition. I don't know if my situation will get worse. I don't know what to do. I do truly love my husband, but nothing is as it seemed in the beginning. I am lost. But I do not feel ready to leave quite yet. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1471,"Title: Does TBI cause aggression and confusion? Text: I think that’s the reason my husband would hurt me and then when I bring it up he acted like he didn’t know what I was talking about or he would say he didn’t remember him doing it. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1472,"Title: 1 day free Text: I never thought I could go a day without cutting, but I did it. Wondering if I can keep this streak For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 1473,"Title: My wife was raped Text: My wife was raped last night and I don't want her to report it because I feel like that would be really embarrassing for the whole family to find out. I wish there was a way to report it but to not have it like this big thing where everyone close to you is going to know. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1474,"Title: I work retail Text: and men keep harassing the young girls that work around me. In the past I pulled a customer who had been harassing one of my coworkers aside and told him his actions were unbecoming of a man and he needed to leave her alone. He did, but a couple weeks later another guy is doing the same thing. I won't always be around to stop the guys. How can I equip these girls to dispatch harassers on their own? Or is that not advisable? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1475,"Title: Numb Text: I think I know what it feels like to be numb. I ponder what I am feeling at that moment, questioning whether I even feel anything. I used to think that feeling numb was on a physical level, though I have proven myself to be wrong. I seek the opposite of said ""emotion"" by causing myself to go through a painful sensation, also called 'Non-Suicidal-Self-Injury' but can not find enough relief, for I dare not go too deep. Hysterical me can't do it for the life of mine. (don't mind me using funny words, keeps me distracted lol) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1476,"Title: Going to kill myself next year in April Text: I would have probably already done it, but im meeting an online friend who is very important to me around that time, so im waiting because somehow I think I owe her that. I have everything planned out already. It just does not make any sense trying to keep going nor do I have any hope that anything will change, ever. That is all. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1477,"Title: something my bf said Text: My bf knows about my self harm and how I struggle he has a past too doesn't anymore and all scars have faded, after sex we were talking i can't recall the conversation but he had said ""look at your shoulder you're impulsive"" and initially i was shocked and moved on, now I just finished a mental breakdown and a relapse and remember that he said that and as i stared at my scars crying it hit me hard and hurt so much, what the fuck would possess him to say that, it's been like a week since he had said that I'm not sure if I should bring it up or if im being dramatic For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1478,"Title: is it considered sexual harrasment if someone gets naked in front of you and then start teasing you in a sexual manner? Text: its been almost 30 years now and I still dont know why I feel so broken about my past experiences. this happened when I was around 5 years old. I was staying at my aunt's house over the weekend and she had a guest from overseas staying over as well. one night they were going out, I was in watching TV in the room where my aunt's friend kept her traveling luggage. she came in to get dress and along the way she impetuously took off her shirt and bra right in front of me. I was pretty shocked like any typical 5 year old would react but she then immediately starts to tease me and call me a pervert, naughty boy, etc. the above was one of the incidents I remember clearly. things did not change afterwards when my mom became a private underwear/lingerie retailer. she would go to her customers home and sometimes have them come our home to check out the merchandise. they would all come out of their clothes to check if the merchandise fit, etc. all under my presence. again a few of them teased me in the same manner as the first incident as well. till then again I'm not sure why I feel so guilty and broken over these past incidents. I am a guy so I always had tough time talking about how I feel about these incidents without getting ridiculed For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","sexualharassment_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 1479,"Title: over two years clean - time for me to move on from this sub. that’s good news for me. <3 Text: just checked my sobriety clock and i am two years and 9 days clean from self harm. don’t know what made me check it today so close to the exact two year mark but wow i’m good! :D there have been many ups and downs during the past two years, (i feel like mostly downs honestly) but in these recent times thanks to my support system and continued treatment i feel better than i feel like i ever have during these past two clean years. thank you to people who built community and gave advice to me a long time ago on this sub. i no longer need or want to see reminders of this part of my life on the regular, so i’m headed out. i wish everyone here all the best in the world! <3 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 1480,"Title: I feel guilty Text: I feel really stupid and guilty for letting things escalate as much as they did. I had so many opportunities to end things and I didn't. It really sucks. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1481,"Title: I see DV everywhere now Text: Ever since I left my abuser I can see the red flags and abusive tendencies in so many more people now. Mostly people at work, how they behave around their coworkers, speak about their home life, issues wit their spouses etc. I feel very hyperaware of their behavior and can either highly assume they're abusive in some way to their spouse or that they are being abused by their spouse and don't know it. It makes me kind of sad to be able to do this now. Not sure if it's a bad/unhealthy coping mechanism or guard I have up or something that is good thay came out of my relationship. My eyes have been opened to the world around me in a way that is unfair and cruel, not through normal age earned wisdom. I am 23 and I see the world much more clearly for how unsafe it is and just how bad people actually are. Has anyone else experienced something similar about this new found awareness? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1482,"Title: I need support but I cut everyone off due to trust issues and emotional proximity Text: My rapist has ruined me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1483,"Title: Sitting alone in my room. Text: Its my birthday and I have nobody to celebrate it with… Idk why im sad rn? Maybe because I know my ‘so called friends’ wont bother even sending a text, or because I can’t believe I’m crying over just a random day (what’s difference right)? Idk what to do now tbh. I hope everyone has had/will have an amazing day 😅 To all them other lonely people out there celebrating their bd, hope u will treat yourself well on that day :) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1484,"Title: I don’t know how to feel Text: I just can’t stop cutting but I don’t even dare to cut anymore after I accidentally went too deep(for me) and I kinda feel shitty for being scared? Idk at the same time I’m happy that I can use that as sh reduction? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1485,"Title: He said all the torture did not happen and I want to die at this point. Text: I could make this really long but will summarize- I’m a 20-something-year old mom to a beautiful four-year-old girl. For more than three years her alcoholic father terrorized me- verbally, emotionally, and yes physically. He even came close to killing me one time by getting my neck. I talked to him the other day and he said “I didn’t abuse you, I never punched you, and you’re lying” and then he flipped the story on a couple incidents saying the situation was my fault and he never hurt me. He hurt me so bad though in so many ways. I fantasize about dying all day every day but at this point but I cannot leave my daughter. I guess I just needed somewhere to vent I am so hopeless right now. Thank you for reading this if you did. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","domesticviolence_past, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 1486,"Title: I messed up, again. its pretty baf :/ Text: Edit: Bad Once I start, it's so hard to stop. I think I need stitches again... Fuck. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1487,"Title: More disturbing signs of abuse I’ve noticed since breaking up Text: I posted on here not too long ago the signs I’ve noticed since breaking up with my emotionally abusive bf. I’ve realized more signs and they are disturbing to me, and I want to see if anyone went through something similar. I always told myself that the abuse I was experiencing was never physical, but I was wrong. For the last few months things have changed and I didn’t know what to think. One of the things were that he would like to randomly “fake wrestle” me. He would push me in the bed and wrestle with me, all in good fun. But sometimes, he would take a pillow or a blanket and hold it over my face like he was pretending to suffocate me. I would tell him to stop and that I couldn’t breathe, but he wouldn’t do it right away. I talked to my therapist about this and she said that it sounded like he was testing my boundaries to see how I would react. It makes me think that if I stayed in this relationship, things could’ve gotten worse.... For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1488,"Title: I get suicidal when i see people doing better than me Text: I don't get motivated, all i do is keep falling and the abyss For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1489,"Title: This brought a lump to my throat.. Text: [https://youtu.be/eWhfbxCluyE](https://youtu.be/eWhfbxCluyE) We need more of this; in every city, town or village. Any and every voice is a very welcome voice. It's the public at large that can have a huge influence. Call out the git on the bus who is groping somebody or taking upskirts with their phone. Ask LOUDLY if somebody is being pestered. Help and support victims. What would you do if it was your daughter/wife/sister? We don't need laws to do this, we can do it ourselves. Pervs don't like being noticed and called out. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1490,"Title: I don't know what to do but kill myself Text: I've tried therapy, I've tried medication, I've tried hospitalization, I've reached out to the lifeline, everything just makes me feel worse. I don't feel capable of doing anything more. Suicide is my only option. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1491,"Title: Why bother? Text: I don’t see a point in living. No one I asked can answer this question. My ideal crush is not gay (I’m a guy), my grades suck ass, I’m fat as fuck, I’m ugly as fuck, I’m dumb as fuck, I’m a loser, I’m worse than everyone else, I’m a pussy because I can’t reach out for help for over a year now, my mom constantly yells at me and calls me a dumbass because I can’t do things that normal people can. Why not just end my life already? Each day is just worse and worse for me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1492,"Title: Is it ""too soon"" to go back into dating? 3 months after abuser assaulted me. Text: Hey everyone, first time poster here. Me and my abuser were together for a little less than a year. I've pressed charges and got a restraining order against him because of a public act of violence. The assault occurred about 3 months ago. Fast forward where all of the legal stuff has settled and he's been found guilty. And... I'm kind of in shambles. I feel scared, anxious, lonely. And I have taken action by going into a victim's assistance program for counseling. But am I crazy to want to date (kinda) and use apps like Tinder? I'm pretty transparent with potential dates and let them know I'd prefer to take things slow. Friends say I should just allow myself to heal, but can dating and healing co-exist? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1493,"Title: quick ways to boost mood Text: Hi all, I'm basic terms the severity of my depression comes and goes, and it's at its worst when I feel stuck in the house, trouble is that I have my young kids with me most weekends and 2 or 3 nights through the week, which is a good thing, I'm not complaing, but im also bad at being stuck in the house, and when it's been a bit of a stressful weekend as it has this weekend, I'm exhausted, but with that comes the depressive moods and thoughts. With having the kids staying I am unable to do most things that make me happier as they usually involve things the kids can't be involved with, example being out working on my project car, and even when their in bed I can't do it as the garage is detached from my house and I don't feel comfortable with the idea of leaving them in bed, so I end up stuck infront of the tv most nights, or doom scrolling on my phone etc before giving in and going to bed, when I struggle to sleep. Anyway, one thing I want to do with my time is start working out, but to get started I need a mood boost, and i understand that doing the exercise improves the mood, but I just don't see the point frankly. I've started many times before but it just leaves me feeling worse. So does anyone have any useful tips on being able to get started when exhausted? I don't have the pent up stress to release into it, even walking upstairs feels like a lot of effort these days, I've tried energetic music but if I'm down it just annoys me, I've tried all sorts of music really, sometimes it can work but rarely more than once, I'm stuck in this black hole and I can't see a way out. I appriciate that over time things may change but I need to get more pro active about it. It's just too easy to give up and accept my miserableness. When I don't have the kids with me and I feel like this I take the dog for a walk, which kind of helps, at least it gets me out the house but as I said I can't leave when I have the kids with me. Either that or some tips on becoming happy with what I feel like is wasting my time, I'm not an inside person so unless I'm working inside (cleaning decorating etc) then it's boring. Also problems with motivation with those things too. I know this isn't the answer, but I can see why people use substances, but there's got to be a way to manage it without such things. Sorry for the essay, first time being alone as an adult (met my ex at 19 and spent 10 years with her) and I'm struggling with finding my own lifestyle around work and the kids. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1494,"Title: Movie Text: Just want something about loneliness like a movie or show anything really For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1495,"Title: I don't want to live anymore, want to end it tonight Text: I'm planning on getting really drunk and passing out on the train tracks next to my house tonight. I can't fucking deal with anything anymore depressive mood swings and dysphoria are killing me I just burst into tears for hours and can't function been missing work taking days off because of it dissosiating for several hours trying to escape my existence. 28 years was too late to try to transition the HRT doesn't work despite everything clinically being good bloodwork levels etc all fine but changes are minor and effects platued after 4 months and have been eversing ever since for the last 8 months. I should have killed myself when I realized I was trans would have saved alot of time and suffering fuck this cursed existence why can't I be fucking normal For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1496,"Title: Giving up Text: I can’t do this any longer For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1497,"Title: Ways to stop self harm Text: Okay I'm seriously drowning and struggling not to cut or hurt myself in anyway, I need some advice the doctors are hopeless and don't listen to me when I say I still have thoughts of self harm and want to act on it even when around friends playing magic the gathering and listening to music So how have some of you managed to reduce the intrusive thoughts...exercise doesn't work either I just did a 45 minute walk and the whole time I was thinking of ways to hurt myself For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1498,"Title: itchy hours... Text: ...cant really sleep For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1499,"Title: The only thing keeping me alive is people around me Text: If I kill myself I’m hurting people. I wish i could just disappear, zero memory and recollection that I even existed. I’m exhausted of living, everyone thinks I’m lazy and that I can help myself but I really can’t, i can barely get out of bed, I haven’t eaten much and it shows. I never asked to be born. How do I not even think people care, im my death will hurt people but nobody seems to care until I am really dead For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1500,"Title: it's raining and I'm alone once again. Text: Night eveyone. How's your night going? Hopefully you guys are getting some needed rest. Me? Currently staring at the ceiling thinking about her.....I miss her... but not just that i miss holding her touching her giving her the love and attention she deserved. i miss the human interaction her touch her lips her smile....had i know it wouldn't last i would cherish those moments even more and yet here we are. I'm alone once again thinking of her of what she gave me...but also what she took from me....i just want someone to love me back just as much as i love them....some people aren't meant to be loved maybe i am just one of them....anyways I'll leave you all with a playlist for those still awake tc out there and be safe. https://youtu.be/1KSucbMcCUI For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1501,"Title: I’m at a dead end Text: My girlfriend gets pissed off when I try to tell her how I’m feeling. I know it’s tiring to put up with my issues, and I have a tendency of bringing them up at inconvenient times. Now I just bottle everything up. It helps avoid conflict. I feel like I’m a volcano about to explode. Every little thing that doesn’t go to plan puts me on edge; I get snappy and I say hurtful things to people. It’s a vicious cycle. At night, I like to imagine myself committing suicide. I run through the most practical ways of doing so. Crushing a bunch of pills and mixing them with booze seems like a good way to go at the moment. My family and parents are what’s stopping me from going ahead with it. I’d never want to make my poor mum and dad suffer the loss of their son. I just need a big hug and someone to tell me that it’s ok and that they have my back. I love you all. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1502,"Title: Got my blood drawn (again for the third time this year) Text: BRUH. The doctor just looked at my arms and was like “is that like a fashion trend nowadays?” I just answered that no I don’t do it because of fashion. Like bruh my arms where basically full of deep open wounds and she had the nerve to say that. Usually my doctors are nice and try to understand or just don’t say anything but this woman was very rude. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1503,"Title: Struggling with being alive Text: Hi everyone, ​ First off, thank you for taking the time to read this. I don't really know where else to go with my thoughts. Before I start, I know how privileged I am. I have a roof above my head, a stable job, a relatively good income, a nice apartment. I fully understand that there are millions of people far worse off than I am, which makes me feel ashamed about how I feel. I am a 35 year old woman who is struggling more and more with life or perhaps with being alive in the world as it currently is. I believe I am autistic (not diagnosed but can very much relate) which may compound the problem. Everyday it just a struggle because I don't understand or can't relate to the world we have created; the wars, the destruction, the greed, the senseless rules, the gap between the wealthy and the poor, climate change, etc. It feels like I have been given front row tickets to a show that's bound to end in disaster and they blocked the exit doors.. Everything just feels..pointless I guess. Me being here, or not being here will not make a difference in any meaningful way. If I didn't wake up tomorrow, I doubt anyone would notice (I have no friends, and no family nearby). It's not that I really want to die, I just don't want to be in this world as it is, and if that means dying, I'm more and more inclined to consider that option as a way out. I've tried therapy for years but it helps very little as most therapist can't relate or understand and most of their advise is ""try to find the positive and go outside more"", which yeah is nice but doesn't do much for all the other things I struggle with. I'm just so tired and feel so sad and anxious, I just want it to stop. Thanks for reading. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1504,"Title: is it bad i want to be abused Text: please dont tell me “no you don’t, i’ve been there” and i’m not trying to take away from anyones stories, or lives and im not hurting anyone by expressing how i’m feeling, i just want alittle advice and insight from other people. so, to start me and my husband are doing bad financially, partly my fault cause i don’t have a job, i do babysit but obviously it’s not a reliable source of income for a family of 2 and 2 dogs, we don’t fight (we bicker but no fighting or yelling) and i feel like all the stress of the relationship lands on him. personally, i want him to take it out on me and just lay it into me. hit me, punch me, and just.. yk? nothing beyond bruising. i just want him to take everything out on me. im not sure why…. he’s not the type of person to do this in any way at all. i just feel like im a bad wife and want him to feel so type of relief (?) about the stress i may cause him. (neither of us are violent people, yes i am great with the kids i watch, no we’re not going through a bad patch in our relationship) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1505,"Title: I can't stop crying Text: Its been like this for weeks and im so exhausted always being on the brink of tears. I hate my life so much everything that could go wrong has and there seemingly nothing I can do to make it better. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1506,"Title: I think I fucked up everything and I don't think I can do this anymore Text: I thought once I got a job most of my problems would be at the very least solvable. I made a deal with my landlord to pay back my overdue rent along with my current rent. I had a plan to get a second job but working 10 hours a day, four days a week exhausted me more than I thought it would and the second job wouldn't work out. Then I was also having these 400 dollar electric bills. I started having a bunch of breakdowns and having to take days off work bc of chronic health issues and mental health. Then I forgot to pay my internet bill and my internet got shut off so I couldn't work from home fora few days while I tried to get the money together, then my power got shut off too. I got them turned back on my but my paycheck was 5 dollars. I started having a bunch of mental health breakdowns and suicidal episodes and kept missing work, so kept making nothing. I have been contacting the suicide hotline regularly, begging for help, but conversations are always the same. ""Do you have any friends or family that can help"" no, not really. ""Could you maybe take out a loan"" no my credit is shit. ""Here are some resources in your area"" and then you call the resources and they can't help or they won't help because of some ridiculous reason. The mental health crisis people in my area won't help me because I take klonopin. Anyone who takes Benzos they refuse to help or allow them into any of their programs. It doesn't matter if they're prescribed. Oh yeah, and if you don't use their psychiatrists, if you use one that's outside the program, they won't help. I've gotten so desperate I texted my narc mom telling her I am suicidal and I can't do this alone anymore and I am tired of being alone. She is letting me move into the rv she owns but I have to pay the monthly payments on it. When I told my landlord I was moving out he freaked out on me and accused me of scamming him. The other thing is I am a hoarder and my place is filthy, and he knows this. Since I have gotten the job I have been trying to clean it myself and I made significant progress despite my physical disability and exhaustion from work. But its no where near finished, the areas I need help with I had been asking people in my life for months to come help me with to no avail and I can't blame them. My landlord said if I don't clean the place up entirely before I leave he was going to sue me. I can't afford that. I keep meaning to contact legal aid but lately I just want to lay in bed and hide from the world. I told my mom this and said I need help cleaning it out before I move and she just texted back ""You got this"" and I very much don't. The other thing is money. I have been so bad about going to work that my last checks have been 5 dollars, 6 dollars, 1 dollar, 0 dollars. It doesn't help that I'm having sobbing crying fits when I am off of work but during work I start having these extreme panic attacks and just want to hide in my bed. All my brain can think is ""I need help I need help I need help I need help I need help"" but I don't know where to get it or who to turn to or what to do. I have a friend who helps me with money stuff, like spotting me for bills and stuff but he can only do so much, he makes good money but he is by no means wealthy and lives in another state. I see other disabled people who have parents or family they can live with, who can take care of them and help them out. My family all see me as a burden and just a lazy bum who doesn't want to work. I've had extreme agoraphobia since I was 24, and then in 2018 I was in a car accident and slipped 6 disks. One of those disks is permanently pressing on my sciatic nerve and its so painful to walk or stand for very long. It got worse in 2020 when I was at a red light and got rear ended by a truck. But my family doesn't think of me as disabled, they think I just need to try harder. They also just don't generally give a shit. I could be dead in my place for two weeks and no one would fucking notice. I think my pets would be better off without me too. I just can't do this anymore. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1507,"Title: tired Text: I'm tired of bein lonely y is ot so hard for me as a overweight black man to find a woman im not ugly I can hold an conversation I have morals is it because I'm short? I dnt understand how I see such assholes get the girl and don't even treat them right but wen I be an asshole it doesn't attract anything then wen I'm the nice guy I get shitted on... I jus dnt get it and im tired For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1508,"Title: My doctor asked “Do you even want to get better?” in response to me saying I’m not in therapy because I can’t afford it Text: I’m fuming. She told me I need to tighten my belt and sacrifice other things (like what? Food? Rent?) so I can go to therapy. She (a fucking well-paid *doctor*) told me a story about how was told she needed to see the chiropractor every week for $45 a session, and while she felt that was too much, she just had to ‘move things around’ to make it work. Last time I was in therapy it cost me $150 a week *with insurance*. The session I just had with her cost me $100, not to mention the cost of all my meds. It’s fucking insane how much all of this costs already. Am I supposed to find that amount under the couch cushions? And what is the insinuation here? Because I’m poor, I *deserve* to suffer from mental illness? You don't think I *want* to be in therapy? Absolutely unreal. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1509,"Title: Deleted all of my self harm pics. Text: I’m 160 days clean from self harm and I finally deleted the pictures in my hidden album that I still go back to admire from time to time. I want to be free. Take care of yourselves friends. <3 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 1510,"Title: I just need one reason not to kill myself right now. just one. Text: please. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1511,"Title: What to call this? Tw Text: I had a conversation w my ex-partner about what things I am ok and not ok doing sexually. He agreed and said ok in the beginning. Then one day he waited until I was incapacitated so he could 1) have sex w my body while I was basically unresponsive and 2) do those things to me I explicitly told him not to. Is that considered rape? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1512,"Title: I’m just so exhausted and need to vent. Text: I’m just so constantly depressed. I feel like I’m never good enough. I’m underpaid. I can’t find a good paying job to. I want to go back to school but I have to be the bread winner because my wife is going back to school. I’m just so tired all the time. I feel no matter what I do my wife always finds something to be upset about im either seen as uncaring or I’m doing to much. I feel that whenever I want sex I’m annoying her. and I feel like I can never make her happy anymore and it depresses me so much. I’m scared I’m going to lose her I just want a break. I’m just so exhausted For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1513,"Title: Am I the only one who considers Neck grabbing more dangerous than hitting? Text: Some of these posts talk about their abusers pushing them by the throat, grabbing their throat even for a moment, etc. then say “but he never hit me.” For me, my ex had ONLY pushed me by the throat and grabbed me to keep me in a room while we argued. I also found myself excusing his behavior, saying “but that’s all he ever did, it didn’t happen again.” I feel like when someone attempts or threatens to restrict the airflow into your lungs, even if they don’t squeeze, it feels so scary. and at the end of the day the person who you’re dating shouldn’t scare you. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1514,"Title: What can I suggest to someone who has incompetent therapists? Text: Hello. Please help me. Trigger warning, just in case. I've met a user on Quora who has parents that don't treat her well. The mom is very controlling and prone to outbursts and anger, the dad doesn't respect said user because she's not his biological child, etc. I read her posts where she vented about the situation. In those posts she mentioned herself being suicidal. I empathized with her and commented on her post, offering to chat with her somewhere if she needs it. We decided to chat by email. She then told me more details abt her situation. She has therapists. As said in the title, none of those therapists are helpful.. they always take her mom's side. They don't try to understand her, at all. There are plenty of other times where i've heard of ""mental health professionals"" not taking their clients seriously, victim-blaming them, etc. It saddens me. I know that i myself am not a therapist. I had the intention of at least providing comfort for, or being a friend to her. But i know that's not enough, she needs proper therapy. Should i send her a suicide hotline? Tell her to talk to a school counselor? Suggest that she looks for yet another therapist? I know we're strangers and it's not my burden to bare, but i still want to do at least something that'll help. I'm very sorry for all your situations... No one should ever be going through this stuff, at all. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1515,"Title: My oldest daughter is old enough now to recognize my cuts. Text: She's only two. But she's old enough now she sees my cuts and scars and knows it's not normal. The first day day she noticed she said ""oh no mommy! Boo boo! What happen?"" And she proceeded to softly pet my thigh where my scars/healing cuts are. She said ""you have bandaid? Did cat scratch?"" I told her yes, the cat scratched mommy. She is so smart. But it killed me! I have to stop this nonsense. I do not want her to know this and I do not want her to develop a habit of her own one day... For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1516,"Title: late night Text: im so sad right now I just want to forget my whole life and escape I want to just leave this world behind and go far away , i feel like i will never be genuinely loved . I feel like people come and go and this is just all bull shit , all I’ve experienced living is being traumatized or traumatizing people with my sadness I’m so tired of this . It feels like I get better but some nights are just like this , so sad and alone . I want to be better i just am so tired of hurting , and living every day the same . I really don’t know what to do For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1517,"Title: I was raped at 15 and my parents don’t believe me Text: Well, it happened in June/Jule of 2020 by a total strange. I never saw this men in my life since this day, but now he’s in every nightmare I have I just told my mom and my therapist since yesterday, and they doesn’t believed me. I suffered by violence too, and in this day I tried to kill myself Yesterday I told my friends about the truth, about what happened to me Idk I just want to say it Sorry for my English And I’m a boy, I’m 17 now For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","suicideideation_active_past, rape_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 1518,"Title: should i tell my bsf Text: only one of my best friends know i cut and the the other we is like from a different friend group they cross paths now and then but dont interact on a daily bases but i feel like im not being honest with that other friend when she doesn't know i cut when she knows pretty much everything else should i tell her? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1519,"Title: Are mental health wards bad? Text: I’m suicidal but I’m scared and I don’t want to die because of the pain it would cause my husband. I’m in the Houston Texas area. How bad are psych wards? Would it be worth checking in to one? I don’t have any money or insurance but I’m not sure what to do at this point. Will they actually help me or will it make things harder for me? Please help me For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1520,"Title: I am afraid to cut. Text: I used to use a very sharp pencil to cut myself. It was never something serious, barely any blood involved and all that. It broke and now i have to use one of those stanley break knifes but im scared. I tried yesterday but i just didnt have the courage to cut myself with it. Something is telling me i should but its really terifying. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1521,"Title: Would this have gotten worse? I feel like I’m either over reacting or under reacting Text: My (now ex) boyfriend (I’m 25 F he’s 28 M and we were together since May) has bad anger issues. When he gets mad he yells at me and has told me to shut up/stfu numerous times despite him knowing that yelling makes me borderline cry. Another thing he does is if I’m laying in between his legs he will randomly squeeze me and grit his teeth. A few Sundays we got into an argument and I swear for a split second he raised his hand/fist at me because he got so mad. It happened so fast that I almost blocked it out but he had his teeth gritted and I know what I saw/ He gets visibly angry like clenching fists up next to himself out of anger over a simple argument that shouldn’t escalate that far. One time we were bantering in the car kinda annoying one another playfully and then I think I went too far and he actually got mad because he grabbed my face super hard with one hand but insisted he was joking. It didn’t feel like a joke though, my stomach dropped when he did it and he grabbed my face very hard. I feel like I’m blaming myself because at first it started off with us play fighting/play wrestling and I’d joke around and playfully hit his arm during or super lightly put my hand on his cheek but never actual violence during an actual argument ever* on my end. I like to be able to play wrestle but that isn’t at all what he was doing when he was mad in my opinion. These things happened during an actual argument not playing around. I’ve had so many people say to run and that it will escalate but I’m beating myself up wondering if I made the right call by leaving. He has also shown signs of aggression toward his dog over her licking herself which is normal dog behavior but he claims he’s “just disciplining her” I guess I’m just looking for validation that I made the right choice to leave For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1522,"Title: My boyfriend says this was rape but I don’t think it was Text: Back in November of 2019 I was 18. I had just gotten thrown out of my house and was staying at my grandmas house. Well this 41 year old man I slept with a few months earlier decides to come pick me up and take me to his place. He bought me some 4 lokos, and we went to Walmart to pick up a few things. We got to his place and we showered to together and I shaved and stuff. It was implied we were gonna be having sex later. Well, I started drinking and took some pain pills. I drank half a beer, two four lokos, 2 shots of vodka and 4 pain pills (he stayed sober). I was very very fucked up. I was stumbling, throwing up everywhere, blacking out and walking was almost impossible. Well during my blackout he or I one must have initiated sex and I think I may have been the one who initiated. So we end up having sex. I said yes to the sex. But I only remember a couple of split second flashes of the sex. I think it went on for like 2-3 mins. I’m not sure. After that he put me on the couch to sleep. And that’s all I really remember before waking up on his couch with a trash bag next to me to puke in. Edit: wow I’ve been thinking about that night and I really can only remember four little things after I took the pills and drank the alcohol. I remember a split flash of my walk to the bathroom, throwing up all over a bedroom and the bathroom, taking a selfie and sending it to my friend, and a tiny flash of him having sex with me. I don’t really remember the sex at all but I know I said yes. I’m starting to wonder if I was passing out during the sex. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1523,"Title: You're a boy so you don't self harm! Text: Fuck off boomer. Edit: You're all amazing! 💙 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1524,"Title: The drugs don't work anymore Text: Hello everyone I hope you are ok The drugs literally don't work anymore, Asides going on heroin (which I'm basically doing pharmaceuticaly) nothing seems to work to take me away I dunno, Where.do.i.go from this. My family don't deserve this I dunno even kno why I'm writing this, I'm not gonna look at it again . But yeah, good luck all my addicts, I wish you the best It.wont go onfor too much longer For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1525,"Title: I left Text: On mother's day my(36) boyfriend (25) pushed me so hard that I fell to the concrete, broke my collarbone and hit my face. I didnt even see it coming, I was walking away. At first he was just verbally abusive. Then there were times he would choke me. Once he slapped me so hard during sex multiple times that I had bruises on my face. I tried to stay this time. I lied to everyone and said I fell down the stairs while drunk but I'm so mad that I'm in pain every single day. I finally came clean to his mom on fathers and she offered to give me and my 1 year old daughter(her grandchild) a place to stay. I did it, I left the next day. He couldn't lie about it because his little brother (16) was there when it happened. I still let him see his child and I still talk to him. Surprisingly he's not aggressive with me, I think he knows he messed up but I'm not falling for anything. I haven't went back and I plan on moving a few hours away when his mom moves. Im still in pain everyday from my injury but I try to go to work to support my child. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1526,"Title: I'm lost Text: I'm 40 married stay at home dad to a 5 yo. My father wasn't very supportive of anything growing up. I feel like I'm headed down the same path. I get so frustrated and angry at my son but I love him so much. I feel like he would be better off without me. They all would. I'm not a happy person. I tend to drag people down. I'm tired of having to be on meds to be ""normal"" I'm tired of feeling useless. Tired of being frustrated with a 5 yo that is probably the only person on this planet that truly loves me. But the only way I feel like I won't ruin him is by leaving. I make him cry daily. I'm not a good person and want it all to end. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1527,"Title: Advice; Dating with BPD Text: Hey everyone, I(26M) recently, about 2 months ago started, dating a woman (22 F) who has BPD, and I really need help. For the first 2 months everything has been great and yes she’s split a few times but it hasn’t been too major, and I can take the insults and the yelling. But all of a sudden she’s pushing me away after asking me to move in. The biggest problem is that 2 weeks ago we had a very long and large conversation about how because I’m the person she loves the most that I’m the target for everything and that under no circumstances to let her push me away because when she splits she pushes everyone away and she doesn’t want that to happen with me. I’m here asking for advice on the situation, and on dating someone with BPD in general, because I really truly love this girl and I want this to work more then anything at all. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1528,"Title: i want to attempt but i dont want it to actually work Text: i know how attention-seeking and selfish this sounds so i think i should clarify. if it actually does work, then thats good. bc i do wanna die. but if it doesnt work, im hoping itll give me some sort of epiphany, that i actually wanna live and i just want the pain to end. im desperate for any sort of realization rn For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1529,"Title: Why is sexual harassment so common place? Text: I see it a lot in media- the examples range from how women are treated in live action movies, animation, and more ​ .... It's often played off for jokes- but I personally think that's done because it's the only way to remove the awkward and gross feeling that would remain otherwise? It also helps to normalize the behavior-because people can simply say/act like it's a joke... but it's not? The joke exists because you wanted to talk about/do said thing-- but not feel the burn/awkwardness/retaliation that would come if you were to say it in a serious matter. That's why I think it's shown in media a lot? But I am not sure-- It also could be that Media is made by people who often do sexual harass people who are below/lower than them on the totem pole? and that helps keep them in line and-- groom new people and make it the ""norm"". What do you guys think? Discussion is welcome, including opposite opinions of course. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1530,"Title: TW. idk if its infected Text: so I cut to the beans layer a week ago n it scabbed over fine but then I started picking at it. I covered it up yesterday using a plaster to stop myself from seeing it n wanting to pick it or do it again. TW describing its look: I've now removed it n it's like the bandage bit of the plaster is all like yellow n some orange n on the wound thsts still raw n open has spots of green n rlly rlly stings if I touch inside it which idk if that's odd when there was 0 pain when I first caused the wound. it doesn't feel hot n I can't smell anything from it but my sense of smell has been messed up since covid so idrk. if it's infected what can I do to treat it at home?? never had an infection before but hopefully I'm overthinking. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1531,"Title: I wrote a poem describing the sexual abuse trauma I went through as a child and I wanted to share if that's alright Text: So I know this isn't a poetry subreddit but this really describes my pain without going into details, and its hard for me to talk about outside of poems and I kinda wanted to share it with people who understand. ​ She Was A Little Girl ​ She was a little girl, dressed in the clothes her mama picked out. Years later she spoke up, told not to shout. Told it was her fault, told it was too far after. Haunted in her sleep by the sound of his laughter. She’s a mosaic of pain and shame, But all you see is a pretty display. You gawk and awe and say your prayers, But do you see the girl behind your stares? And to the man that turned her into this mess of beautiful pain, Do you not care that you’ve given her what should have been your shame? But you don’t care if she hurts as long as you are free. Are you satisfied? Because she will never be. You’ve taken a little girl and made her become a woman too fast You’ve taken a childhood and given her a terrible past You are a monster under the bed. A man with his hands tainted red, She’s scared and wants to keep you out of her head at any measure, But you don’t care what she suffers as long as you got a few nights pleasure. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",childabuse_endangerment_past Question 1532,"Title: i am sober app Text: When you go to self harm but your I am sober app is just like 'you have reached a milestone' and than you just decide like well if I've stayed sober for a little over a month why not go to two months For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1533,"Title: my first follower is a porn bot Text: lovely For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1534,"Title: I am in recovery. I am becoming clean of self-harm. And I will succeed. Text: I just needed to express that out loud. Edit: Thank you everyone for your support. You brought little old me to tears of joy. I used to be so afraid of leaving this coping method behind because I attached it to myself and let it define how I operated. For once I feel ready to change and your support makes me all the more confident. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 1535,"Title: The only person who listens, just sent an invoice Text: Honestly I’m exhausted. I’m there for everyone, but no one is there for me. My only wish is to not wake up. I don’t have it in me to be here anymore. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1536,"Title: Any place where I can just vent without a “helpline” vibe? Text: Don’t get me wrong, helplines are great and have helped me almost as much as consistent therapy has, but I want something where I’m not asked questions like: - what’s your plan? - what did you expect to get out of calling us today? - what’s your safety plan? I’m not suicidal by any means and it’s their job to ask these things, but it isn’t really what I need right now. Any ideas? I just want something like a friend to talk to, but I have no one irl For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1537,"Title: looking for solidarity ig Text: hey squad so i was at a residential all summer and it was really swag. i was clean from 7/10 until 9/15. it’s 10/24 for me now and i’ve cut at least five times since 9/15. i know that isn’t super frequent but i feel like im falling back into a pattern. i’ve been thinking a lot about dialectical abstinence and balancing harm reduction with abstinence and i feel like i’m losing that balance. i was finally at a point where harm reduction could be put on the back burner and i could focus primarily on staying clean. idk man but recently there’s been less and less time between engagement and it’s starting to freak me the fuck out. i know i can get better —for fucks sake i’ve done it before— it’s just hard to remember my own capabilities. idk what the point of this post is, ig i needed to remind myself that i’m able to get better, and i guess i would appreciate some kind words. please no “i’m proud of you” tho, idk why but it makes me very upset. idk what the point here is but if you took the time to read my rambling i appreciate u For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1538,"Title: How do men choose which women to assault and which ones to respect/be in normal relationships with? Text: This is something that has been weighing heavily on my mind lately. How is it that men can sexually assault a woman (or multiple) but with other women, be perfectly respectful and in a normal relationship with them? How do they choose which women end up in each of those categories... is there any logic to it? I also don't understand how they can not think about the assault(s) when they're with their normal girlfriends - it seems most of them never think about it again, or they even forget the whole event altogether - like sociopathic behavior, but then... they seem completely normal when with those other girls. I just don't get it. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1539,"Title: Why bother Text: I’m definitely getting a 9-5 minimum wage for the rest of my life at best, so why bother. One trigger pull and I get eternal sleep. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1540,"Title: Sexual harassment at work... what to do. Text: I just need some opinions. How would you handle the situation? My manager has been weird randomly over the last year. He’s asked me if I fucked another employee and if I blew a guy from a date I went on. That was months ago. He asked to see my tinder profile. I showed him the Christmas pics of my boyfriend and I. He asked what I was wearing and to see it again. He asked me if I was naked the time we FaceTimed when I was medically out of work. I was just doing a order. He asked if I was going to show him my “hooters” He’s told me I should have a child it would straighten me out. He said I was a witch putting spells on people. Yesterday I called him to leave work and brought up my plan for a work project. I joked I wouldn’t cry like I normally do for this project. He said I better not or he’ll knock me the fuck out but I might like that. Sorry for a lot of stuff. I’m stuck between taking the harassment or turning him in where he’d lose his job and it may possibly ruin a marriage with a new baby. I’m also worried about them finding other reasons to fire me for speaking up. I’m trying to record our convos because he’s only done this when no one is around. This is so called a great company to work for. How would you handle the situation? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 1541,"Title: I think my Mum found a took by knife Text: Which means, fuck she knows, and she took it that's why she was in my room earlier, SO FUCK FUCK, I'm scared I went to get it and I can't find it, she took it, she's taken stuff before, SHE SAW THE CUTS TODAY, confronted me then was in my room just to sit while I did my homework, then I left lol to go and get something, FUCK ME Fuck it all For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1542,"Title: For Those ADULTS Worried About Asking For Stitches Text: I know a lot of us worry that we will get hospitalized if we go to urgent care or the ER for our cuts, for stitches. I thought I'd share a personal experience with it in case it helps. I personally have one trusted Urgent Care I like that is always nice to me. I go there when possible and that includes stitches during hours they're open. I went today. I told them the truth. I told them I'd already spoken to my therapist (over texts) and she had decided I didn't need hospitalized or anything. I truly had. They cleaned my cuts. Gently. They said the stuff they use stings, but I couldn't feel it so that was interesting. They then asked if I had any preferences on how they wrapped me up over the stitches. They put a little woven ""sleeve"" over my arm since I said I have to bike home so it needs to be sweat resistant and thus nonadhesive if possible. I'll put a pic below. No blood shown or anything. It already got gray from me having to mess with something on my bike tire unfortunately. http://imgur.com/a/tcZxfkq I then walked out and biked home. They didn't really pry into the reasoning why I did it either. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1543,"Title: My mom basically victim blamed me and I'm heartbroken. Text: My mom likes my husband a lot,, and I'm not the kind to air dirty laundry. I've kept all this secret. .but a few days ago I told my mom that when my husband drinks he becomes an abusive asshole, and if he doesn't get help for his alcoholism and some therapy I'm leaving w the kids. All she said was ""have you done counseling "" . Didn't call and ask me to expand, or ask what happened. Didn't give any emotional support, Nothing. A few months ago I brought up possible separation and she immediately started saying that I was the one tearing my family apart 🙄 Then today she texted me asking about Xmas and then said ""I hope you won't do anything drastic this month to cause the boys any angst"". Yeah, cause living in a home with a man who becomes abusive every night if he drinks won't cause them any angst right? It's just me being dramatic. My mom/grandmother/great grandmother were all totally dependent on men who were abusive often and I still have a lot of resentment she sat back and did nothing for us. So to have her, on top of that, basically accuse ME of being the problem makes me feel so alone..its bad enough rent is prohibitively expensive for a single mom , im not expecting any financial help, but maybe some emotional support?? I'm a mother and if I thought for a second somebody was hurting my kids in any way, I'd go psycho. I have nobody else except 2 sisters who live 3000 miles away. Anyways, feeling crushed. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1544,"Title: Panic Attacks Gone Text: I just realized I haven’t had a panic attack since leaving my abusive ex husband 3 years ago. I had them every few months our entire relationship of 8 years. Getting yelled at can really mess with you, don’t underestimate it. Get safe and live a happier life! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1545,"Title: Having a good day for the first time in a while. Text: I woke up and at first I was depressed on lounging about but then I took a shower played a video game and then had lunch. I had 2 hot dogs that I bought for lunch which yeah isn’t much but I haven’t actually bought lunch for myself in a long time so that’s good. I don’t feel over the moon or extremely happy but at least I’m not numb anymore For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1546,"Title: My dad is weird Text: My dad is odd he lets other random people stay in his house. He invites them over, but for what appears no reason at all he doesn’t want me staying there. He’s very sensitive and is always like “get out of my house.” I didn’t do anything to him. Idk if I remind him of someone or he sees me as one of the girls who rejected him in his youth. I don’t know how much time we have but he’s making it hard to feel warmth towards him. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1547,"Title: I can't do this Text: I don't think I can go on, I can't think that I have a future. I let everyone down, I'm ruining all my relationships. I can't do anything right and I'll always just end up hurting someone I care about. I wish I could be just numb. I want to fall asleep and never wake up again. because I just can't do this.. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1548,"Title: Going into 2021 still wanting to die Text: Here’s to another year of suffering For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1549,"Title: relapsing Text: So me and my ex boyfriend broke up over 2 months ago, he used to hit me and strangle me and was just all over nasty and abusive. I hadn’t had any contact unless it was arranging to get my stuff back but last night I got drunk and called him and ended up staying at his and sleeping with him. I feel so upset with myself I spent so long healing and trying to move forward and I feel like I’ve taken 100 steps back. He seems so different I know abusers never change and if I went back it’d all be the same but seeing him has made me miss him and fall in love all over again. Any advice would be appreciated or a reminder that people can’t change when they abuse their partners! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1550,"Title: I’m so confused. I need advice Text: Hi I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 1/2 years and he definitely emotionally abuses me. I’ve never experienced this kind of abuse before or any kind of abuse. The names he calls me are disgusting.. I don’t know why I can’t leave, why is it so hard for me to leave? I have a whole album on my phone of videos and screenshots. There has been multiple videos where he’s raised his fist at me, bullied me, yelled at me and made me cry. Deep down I know I can’t be with him but I can’t leave and I don’t know why. My mental state isn’t okay, and I cry all the time. (We do NOT live together) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1551,"Title: Why is ""getting help"" so hard? Text: When you tell people you're suicidal, they tell you to get help. But getting help is so hard. It's expensive and half the time it just doesn't work because mental health professionals just don't seem to care or know how to properly treat you. What then? Are you just supposed to drain all your money and energy trying to get help then end up ending it all anyways? It's frustrating. I'm tired of it. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1552,"Title: I feel like a side character, even in my own life Text: I just don't really add anything. Like if I'm in a group, I mostly just sit there quietly, maybe say a word or two every few minutes at best. Even if I'm having a 1 on 1 conversation, I still don't say much. I don't understand why people would like to have me around, since I kind of just exist, and not much more than that. I feel like the only reason people who like to hang out with me keep me around is that I'm family. If we weren't related, I'm convinced they wouldn't keep me around. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1553,"Title: Anyone else have physical pain? Like on one side of your head… Text: Over the past two years almost three I’ve (34M) had a pressure type feeling along the right side of my face that is on-going. Daily. From the moment I wake up until the moment I go to sleep. It is located right around my temple area. I wouldn’t say it’s painful but it’s very irritating and it just feels like I was punched in the side of the head years ago and that numbness never went away. I do not take any medication nor take anything over the counter. I can sleep perfectly fine and don’t have any medical issues besides asthma. I use an inhaler very sparingly for cough. What worries me is that I am starting to notice changes where I am forgetful almost like stupid forgetful. Like today I brought an empty bowl downstairs to fed my dog, I go and fill it up, do another task real quick (running out to the car to grab something) and then find myself halfway up the stairs without the dog bowl. I am just having a hard time with my memory overall I feel like. & this has been happening more regularly recently where I am forgetting to do something but then remembering either seconds after or less than a minute after. It’s almost like I am not in charge of my mind at times. I will have to ask people to repeat themselves constantly or show me things once or twice if I am learning something new because it doesn’t register right away. I have a hard time retaining information and focusing in general. I understand that stress, anxiety, all that jazz plays a big role in memory issues but this head pressure won’t go away either. Could it be causing my brain to think differently? I am not focused. When I drift off to sleep right after turning my phone off I will think of such meaningless non-sense and not think about my day at all. Undiagnosed ADHD? I just want to know why my head feels like it’s gonna explode. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1554,"Title: Im gonna drown myself Text: Im done with everything For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1555,"Title: If you want to self harm again, read this right now. Text: please dont do it. You are beautiful and worthy and perfect just the way you are. And if you do end up relapsing, youre still valid. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1556,"Title: My mom is trying to believe me but I can tell she isn’t really believing Text: I was raped by my dad when I was 15 and molested by him for the first time when I was 11 I told my mom my whole story and she helped me tell the cops and get him arrested in 2020 but now that we’re going through the court process and she’s struggling today the bills and give my sisters what they want she’s believing my offender more and she keeps on trying to get me to “tell the truth” but every time I tell her iam she shakes her head and demands for the truth it got to the point where she took me to see my dads lawyer for him to tell me that these are serious actuations and that I should tell the truth I feel so let down because no one really seems to accept that my father did this to me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 1557,"Title: I am unable to fill the void inside of me. Text: I (26M) feel that no matter how hard I try, I always end up being alone. Since I truly have nothing to give anyone besides my time, people typically don't like to chat to uninteresting guys like myself. Even when there are many people around, there are times when I feel excluded.  When there is no one to even talk to after a rough day, I have occasionally sobbed pretty hard. In the end, I think nobody really cares. But thank you for hearing me. I'd be interested in hearing how others in this subreddit handle situations like these. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1558,"Title: When your 1y 9m daughter notices your scars. Text: ""oh sore"" she says and runs out the room. Door flys open and she comes charging in with a tube of nappy rash cream. ""Sore, Daddy, ceam"" (cream) and then starts trying to uncover the scars and trying to get me to open the tube for her so she can help. In the beautiful mind of a child it's the cream helps when you're sore. The sad thing the reality is these are healed scars but have just caused me more pain than ever, an entirely different type of emotional pain. I used to derive pleasure from the pain of self harm but I am fucking crushed by this. Since I put her to bed 4 hours ago all I've been doing is sat here replaying it over and over in my head, stuck on a loop. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 1559,"Title: Is this Beans or Styro? TW wound description Text: This is my first post so sorry If I don't know what triggers to put. At school I made a cut on my arm that looks slanted like it isn't going straight down. Its bleeding about as much as a Styro cut but hurts a bit more. In the blood that was coming out there were some bubbles. Tiny ones. Is this Beans? I've cut into Styro 2 test so I know what it looks like but because this cut is slanted I can't tell. However I've never seen blood with bubbles come out. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1560,"Title: … Text: Sometimes I get up from my bed and I realize that everything its the same… I think that now its time to give up and take that decision… For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1561,"Title: Things I've Learned from My Ex Text: To anyone that read my last post and commented or upvoted, thank you. You've given me the strength to continue sharing my story, and posting here. This group is so incredibly supportive, and I'm glad I reached back out. My ex taught me that I am capable of loving someone unconditionally. He was my first, and currently only relationship. Prior to him, I had no idea just how much you can love another person. Sure, I love my parents, but that's different. He taught me that I'm capable of loving someone through adversities. Because of him, I now know that when I do meet someone deserving of my love, that I won't be the person to give up easily. He taught me that I have mental illnesses. Sure, a lot of them now are caused by him, but had I never gotten into that relationship I would've never reflected on my teen years and would've never made the connection. I think I always had a little bit of depression and anxiety, based on the way I would react to situations in my teenage years. Had I not gone through this, and needed to reach out to a DV center, I would've probably never seen a therapist and would've continued on in life wondering why I'm always so different than everyone else. That relationship taught me that I have tenacity. I am a fighter when I need to be. I always thought that I was that person that when faced with doom I would freeze and submit. I now know that not to be the case. I'm not proud of how I came to that realization, but I am proud to say that I will fight for my safety when I need to. I learned that I like to travel. Within that relationship my ex and I would take a big trip once a year, prior to that I hadn't left my home state in probably 10 years. As much as I hate to say it, had I not met him I wouldn't know how much I really enjoy leaving my state and seeing the culture in other places. I wouldn't know that this is not where I want to spend the rest of my life, and I wouldn't be planning the future that I am now. He taught me how to talk to people. Actually, my therapist taught me how to talk to people after having several conversations about how he would engage during crucial conversations. I have a fantastic example of what NOT to do or say when someone is telling you how they feel. And most of all, and probably much to the detriment of my ex, I learned that I am independent. My ex had me so well brainwashed that despite being 23 when I met him and having never been in an actual relationship before, I didn't think I could live without him. But guess what? I've been living without him for 9 months. Paying my bills on my own, having my own friends, and providing for myself and my pets. These last 9 months have been some of the hardest that I've dealt with. Through hardship both mentally and financially, I have grown from this experience. Dare I say, I don't regret that relationship. Because without it, I wouldn't have done as much internal reflection and I wouldn't know who I truly am, and what makes me happy. I'm certainly still learning, and I think I'll always be learning from this, but for now I'm content with the progress I've made so far. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1562,"Title: I give a fuck about you Text: Hey, you, yes you. I give a fuck about you. About your day, about your life, about your struggles and your successes. Sometimes it helps just to know that someone out there cares. As a true loner myself I can confidently say that I give a shit about you. We may be internet strangers but it doesn’t matter to me. You matter. . . . My PMs are always open - let’s chat about life and what not For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1563,"Title: Was i harassed? Text: About a week or 2 back my parent friend who i met for the first time stay over. My parent the leave for reason I can’t remember. Later he say to go get some lunch so we did and come back. And since it just the 2 of us I suggest we play card game. The punishment for everytime we lose is a flick on the head or pinching the loser face, I see nothing wrong with it so I said ok. So we play and I won some lose some, but once when I lose he was pinching me and suddenly got all up in my face that I have to flinch back. It feels creepy but I thought just misrepresented the situation. We continue the games, and he says back in his day he used to play for kisses, I say no, and he also later asked for kiss. So was I harassed or am I thinking too much and when he said that he meant on the cheek like when I kiss my parent. This is the first time I’ve ever had this happened to me so I’m not really sure. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 1564,"Title: Witnesses Possible Signs Of Abuse On TikTok. What Do I Do? Text: Last night I was watching a TikTok Live of a girl, late teens, and there was this guy in there that gave me bad vibes. The way they talked, I think they know each other in real life, so he does have the potential of physical contact with her. While he was just commenting, he said things about how she turned him down, how he was a simp for her, and kept pressuring her to let him join her live on mic. When she did, his speech was very vulgar, both towards her and others in the chat. She had made him a moderator, and anyone who said they didn't care for him or that she shouldn't date him he would mute. There was a lot of ""why you do me like that"" and ""f'ing people should take my side"" kind of statements from him. After he got off mic and went back to chatting, he kept claiming the girl wasn't innocent and that he had the proof. The girl basically smiled and giggled at him the whole time. She would occasionally say things like, ""You're lying"" or ""You're mean"", but do so while smiling. At some point, you could hear notifications coming from her computer, that she confirmed were the guy texting her. There must have been about 20 notifications within the span of a couple minutes. All of this took place over at least an hour until she ended the live. Ideally, I wish there was someone or some organization to report this too who could watch the live, and make a more qualified judgement than me as to if these are red flags of a potential abuser (insulting her, pressuring her, controlling the conversation), or if he is just a jerk and she is unfortunately attracted to such guys or is attracted to him physically which makes her look past his negative traits. I did report him to TikTok for abusive behavior, but beyond restricting his account, I doubt they will do anything. Anyone have any advice? If this happens again, what should I do? Am I overreacting? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1565,"Title: Did I get sexually harassed?? Text: Please forgive any spelling mistakes, English isn't my first language. Today is march 8th and I have seen many women share their abuse and sexual harassment stories, about 2 years ago I decided to look for a physical trainer and begin a fitness journey, I found this guy who has a physical training business and gave it a shot, he seemed really good at his job and on the first meeting everything looked great, it is important to mention that I always went to my appointments with my sister. So, on our last meeting she couldn't come with me, I entered his office when he proceeded to measure me and so on, when he suddenly mentioned that his job was to help me achieve the best version of me and my body 'like a surgeon' he said, and then told me that it would be preferable if he could see me in my underwear, to have a better understanding of my problem zones and where to focus better. I honestly don't remember much afterwards, but I was a bit baffled and reluctantly complied. I had gone to another physical trainer before and he always measured me over my clothes, now over 2 years later I found a good coach and also she never asked me to remove my clothes either. I am afraid to tell anybody i know because I don't know if I am exaggerating things in my head. But I'd appreciate anyone's honest opinion, thank you for reading! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 1566,"Title: Just want to document this Text: He said he could kill me and I’d have 2 seconds to react at most. Our 4 year old daughter said he kicked her (he didn’t) but he told her she’s a liar, that he hates liars so much he tried to kill one once. I just want a divorce, but he says he’ll get 50/50 custody of the kids. I can’t leave them with him that much. He barely interacts with them as it is, and when he does it’s just constant yelling at them. I don’t want 50% of their lives to be like that. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1567,"Title: what has your experience with therapy been like? beneficial ? made things worse? Text: The woman (19) I'm in love with and plan on marrying someday recently told me about her childhood sexual assault trauma. I won't disclose the details as this is her story only to share with who she wants to share with; She never went to therapy for the trauma and asked my opinion on whether or not she should try it. Can the brave people of this community who have and haven't gone to therapy for sexual assault, give their opinion and experience on therapy, or why they decided not to go? ​ I personally think it would be great to talk with a trained professional on a matter that she's kept bottled up for so many years, but on the other hand, I also strongly believe therapy can be a burden on some people as you almost have to relive and constantly think about that trauma as you talk about it with your therapist ​ I pray for everyone affected by these horrors, and I thank you for your help For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1568,"Title: :/ Text: DAE feel like you have to sh even though you don’t really need to? I just cut and I don’t even know why cause today was a decent day. I’m addicted and I feel like I’m going to be addicted for my whole life. Cutting til I’m 90 :( For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1569,"Title: my boyfriend suggested a temporary open relationship, what should i do? Text: TW: sexual assault i (26F) am currently going through intensive therapy because i’ve been r*ped multiple times a few years ago, before i even met my current boyfriend. sex has never been the same for me, but i always just tried to push it down and ignore it. i’ve been with my current boyfriend (36M) for two and a half years now, and we’ve always had some issues with intimacy because of my past, and he’s always been really supportive. he’s the type of person though that likes to have sex every day, so it creates friction sometimes. as i mentioned earlier, i’m going through an intensive therapy program for my SA, childhood emotional neglect, etc. and one side effect from it has caused me to have full blown ptsd and disassociation during sex because i’m finally dealing with and reprocessing my trauma in therapy. i have to really deal with it in order to get through it. we haven’t had sex in over a month, and my boyfriend is really supportive of me getting help, but has expressed his needs are not getting met, and proposed an idea of having a temporary open relationship for him to have sex with other people until i feel ready again. i’m not sure how to feel about this, so i wanted to ask what you all think? TL;DR! what should i do if my boyfriend proposes a temporary open relationship until i feel ready to have sex again while i deal with my trauma revolving around sex that stops me from having sex? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1570,"Title: I feel like a finally have a win Text: I was extremely discouraged when my civilian DV case was labeled ""situational"" and dismissed in court. I was feel very angry, betrayed, insignificant among alot of other negative emotions. However, the military took the case seriously and last I heard he was kicked out of the Army. He can no longer afford the house so now I am also getting the house in the divorce which also means I can take my dog back from my family! The house isn't in my name yet but I can at least appreciate the loss of his career even if it is for selfish reasons. I feel like I have closure and things will get better now eventhough my divorce isn't official yet. I'm definitely one of the lucky ones on here and I wish everyone has at least one win when leaving their abuser For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1571,"Title: A small rant, I guess. Oh, and I love my coworkers. Text: Part 1: [trouble ](https://www.reddit.com/r/SexualHarassment/comments/he50lt/this_customer_has_been_making_me_really/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) So here's part 2. The problem faded for a couple months, but now he's back and he's still mad at me and shift leader. I work with my mom, and she took his order since he's been coming inside (in hopes of not dealing with us???) and my mom told me the first thing he asked her was ""have those two quit yet?"" I swear. I don't look at him whenever he comes in. My shift leader stares him down every time he comes in now, and I find it rather funny. He's getting a taste of his own medicine- see how he likes it. Not fun, right? Lol. And I think shift leader's really close to saying something to him... again. She's trying now to make him look bad in front of the rest of our crew; I don't mind it at all. I'm pretty well-liked among my coworkers and she's making sure they help her protect me. I love all of them lol, they're great people. I dont really care what she does to get him to stay away, as long as it doesnt get her fired. After all, he thinks we're the problem, and he couldnt be more wrong. I myself have not spoken one ill word to him, yet he's mad because he knows he cant keep staring at me and calling me honey or darling anymore. Learning to keep it in his pants could've saved him a lot of trouble. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 1572,"Title: To the girl who's in the bus with me Text: I've seen the scars just above your knee. And the ones on the ankle, under your black dress and forearm. I wish we could talk. I see the pain in your very moves. I wish I could show you my scars so you can see you're not alone. I hope your life gets better even tho you think it won't. I hope that you don't choose suicide even though the temptation grows every day. I hope you get ok. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1573,"Title: Should I feel guilty? Sexual harrasment Text: For some background context I am a 20 year old half Pakistani girl. I do not look very Asian. For the past 2 years I have worked in food retail. Recently we've had a new supervisor join the team who is a 40 year old man with 4 kids and a wife. We shall call him Dave for now. Currently I have been going through some personal issues regarding family issues and being disowned. Dave has always said to me that if I need someone to talk to I can talk to him. However during shifts he has said some very dodgy things through our headsets such as ""if you didn't have a boyfriend I'd have you"" and a time of when he was ramming a cage into our chilled and made a joke of ""looks like her boyfriend could give her that looks like she doesn't get enough"" I understand sexual humour and I think it's funny but there is a limit to it. He would do things like get really close to me and tickle me harshly even when I told him I don't like to be touched. However on a night whilst waiting to be all picked up to go home a conversation started and it led to me asking how he would feel if his child were to date someone Asian or black. To that he responded with ""I would beat the shit out of them both because asians are fucking disgusting and dirty people. Etc"" As a result of this I reported him and a large investigation took place resulting in him losing his job. He denied everything but my case still won. He then sent me a message on Facebook saying that he cannot afford to keep his house and kids. Should I feel guilty? Cause I genuinely do. He has responsibilities but at the same time he has a daughter, he should not be treating a co worker in that way. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 1574,"Title: friends and depression Text: It's amazing to think that if I won't be the one to go and visit friends, they won't come to me, there's a chance that if I'll never go to meet friends again I'll never see them again 😂 That's of course my depression talks, but is it? Sometimes i feel that because they support me so much throughout the years and accept my flaws I owe them something and that I am in an inferior position to them... Life's so beautiful with depression 🤗 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1575,"Title: College rape. Trigger warning-rape and detailed account. Text: This was back in October in college and I’m not in America and we’ve virtually no support system here and I blamed myself anyways. I met a guy and went back to his room and we had sex. He was quite rough and tried to make me do anal and actually put it in me but I screamed and shoved him off but I gave him the benefit of the doubt that it was an accident (looking back, I am sure it was not). I met him the next day because I was bored spending hours around campus with nowhere to go (everything closed because of covid and heating was off in all the buildings). This time he locked his door from the inside. I thought it was prevention for his roommates walking in but I don’t think any were home. I asked him to be more gentle because I was quite beaten up from the day before. He grabbed my boobs so hard it felt like he was going to try make them pop. He dragged his nails from the tops of my shoulders, down my back to my ass, leaving trails and trails of nail marks. He bit me on my breasts (not hickeys, proper biting). He didn’t break the skin but left severe bruises and bit me on my ass too. It was....rough to say the least but it was raining out and I thought could handle it and just put up with it for a few more hours. After he finished the first time he cuddled with me which made me think “oh he’s not that bad he doesn’t want me to go yet”. He started having sex with me again and we were in missionary. He choked me quite hard before but this time he started with one hand around my throat and then his other hand. He pressed down all his body weight onto my neck and I had no air to speak and tell him to stop. So I started crying. He then leaned into me slowing down, I thought he would apologise but he told me “do you think I care if you’re crying ? I’m not going to stop”. He then started slapping me across my face. I was still crying. He started to choke me again but I was shaking my head and saying no but obviously he didn’t care. I remember turning my head to the left and staring under the bed frame (mattress was on the floor) and just disassociating myself from what was happening. But then I gathered any bit of strength and shoved him off of me. I wish thats were it ended but I couldn’t leave since he had the door locked. I had to endure a few more hours of him fondling me while I was sitting at the edge of the mattress sobbing and struggling to breathe. He did have sex with me again. These times I was trying not to cry and just let it happen. He cuddled me after but kept trying to choke me out. He also told me if I met another guy he would kill me. Told me he liked hurting me more than other girls too. Excused his behaviour by saying he had watch American psycho. Edit: I haven’t met him since and I won’t. This was months ago and I wasn’t in a relationship with him ever. He did contact me asking for sex again because we had “perfect sex” but obviously I just ignored and blocked. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1576,"Title: Will it be dismissed ? Text: I came on here because I’ve been crying and crying and I don’t have any legal Advice help or anyone with knowledge of this situation. I hope I can find clarity and peace and hope with some of your answers. Please I beg you for help. I need to feel peace in my mind and heart. Saturday Night my partner was taken he was arrest by the police. There was neighbors around who called the police and reported domestic violence. I did not report anyone. The police got a statement from me I let them know he only sat me down and squeeze hug me and bit my cheek. The police took him to seperate him from me and the next day in the morning I heard he was transferring to county jail. I want to know why this is happening. I didn’t press any charges on him and I want to know if this case will get dismissed. I’m heart broken. I’m the only family he has and they took someone very close to my heart away. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1577,"Title: Anyone ever lie in bed at night and think to yourself, “I could end it all right now with this (knife, gun, pills, etc)?” Text: I’ve come quite close to trying it, but I don’t have the courage to do so. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1578,"Title: Was what i did sexual harassment or being an idiot? If so should i reach out to the victim or turn myself in to the police? Text: Trigger warning During the pandemic there was a lot of posts on my social media about sexual assault and sexual harassment and i began to think about a situation i had before the pandemic . It was st patricks day and my roommates girlfriend had brought her friends over at the end of the day so they could have a place to crash after partying . at the end of the night her friends had all paired off with my roommates leaving one of their friends alone who ill be calling j. So j was left alone in our living room to crash but one of her friends suggested that i take her up to my room and i asked her if that was okay with her and she said yes . When she got into my room she went on my bed and turned to the other side and due me being way too fucked up I began trying to flirt with her and get her to kiss me and she did . But when she kissed me I realized that her body language had changed and i realized that i had been being really fucking creepy and i stopped . i tried making a few jokes to help ease the tension and eventually was able to get her to laugh . I told her that I wasn't going to try anything and she could come closer to me if she wanted and she did . i realize what i had initially ignored her boundries and didnt realize until she visibly became uncomfortable . what do i do? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1579,"Title: Something I wrote tonight on what it’s like to live with DV. Text: You live in a chronically dark cave. Bare bones. The darkness seeps into every piece and part. Every corner. There is a small opening at the top that lets a little light in. A reminder of what’s beyond. Of what could be. Of what you long for. The lone beam of light promises you things. Freedom. More. Each time abuse happens, you return to this room. This barren cold dwelling. And it feels less and less like you’ll ever escape. Every time you’re screamed at, every time you’re controlled unjustly, vines begin to grow along the cold stone walls. The light fades. Days pass, more abuse. More vines. Stronger vines. Until they reach to meet you where you cower on the floor. The light has grown dim. Months come and go, seasons. The vines cover the walls, the surfaces, and you. The light is gone. You’re there in the quiet beneath a tightly woven blanket of greenery. Vines wrapped around your body limb by limb. Each time abuse happens the vines pull tightly. Your lungs can’t expand fully any longer and your ribs crack and bruise. The darkness is such that if you were to open your eyes, you’d see an endless black. A nothingness. You don’t know which direction is where. Your mind sees what’s coming. Logical. The only possibility now is death. And the only way to achieve peace and freedom. Is to not be alive to experience it. It’s taken every last breath from me. There are no more. Just black. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","domesticviolence_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 1580,"Title: My body hurts Text: He slammed a bag of dog food on my head . He got me from behind, I was looking at my phone and was using my hand to hold my head up.I moved quickly and he threw at me 2-3 times. He then grabbed my foot and dragged me out of bed. I have a small bruise on my arm. Has to be from last nights incident but I dont recall him grabbing my arm. But then again everything happens so fast, who knows. Im really small and bruise easily. I thought my neck pain was from sleeping in my kids bed. I’ve slept on that bed before uncomfortable, but not all this pain. As I think more about it, it’s because of what he did to me. My neck fucking hurts and I have a headache. I think to myself how can you” love” or “care” about someone and yet hurt them. Then you continue when you see their fear see /hear them cry & they beg you to stop. That’s not love . He’s a monster an evil fucking monster! I begged and begged my father to take me with him. (He’s no longer with us) I am scared and I cant do it, but my wish is to die! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","domesticviolence_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 1581,"Title: hey! Text: I’m kinda not doing so great right now and would appreciate someone to talk 2 <33 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1582,"Title: I cut myself for the first time today. Text: I’ve had constant urges to do so over the last couple of days, but I finally managed to cut the skin today. I’ve self harmed for years, but more in much minor forms compared to cutting. All the urges that I’ve had before cutting myself has now just spiraled into extreme anxiety. I’ve always had a huge fear of scarring my skin, which was the only reason I haven’t done it yet. This is kind of just a vent post, but I could use some advice to maybe settle the urges with some better coping mechanisms. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1583,"Title: Sent my ex boyfriend to jail after he threatened me Text: Me and this has been dating for about 7 months. He is older. After a month of dating we decided to move in together. This was my first time ever living with a guy. He has a drinking problem. After a few weeks of living together he started to be mean and controlling. He didn’t want me to go anywhere without him or do anything without him. He began to go through my phone and text people acting it was me. After about a month he began to hit me. I never cheated or disrespected him in any way. I’ve had about 3 or 4 busted lips, a sprung ankle, bruises in random spots. He would be so mean to be at home and then act like nothing ever happened the next day. He convinced me he did it because he loved me. So a few months ago I began to lose love for him. Every time he called me out of my name or physically hurt me in any way I loved him a little less. So one night I put on some clothes and I was going to my parents house and coming right back. He got mad and said I was going to meet a guy. He tried to grab me out the truck and he beat me in the back of my head. He left multiple bruises in my head and it was really hard to sleep afterwards. I tried to push him off in which I left a big scratch on his face. I had no choice but to call the police because at that point I was scared for my life. They filed domestic abuse charged against him and placed a protective order on him. I felt so bad afterwards, idk why. So once he got out I contacted him. A week went by and we got back together. I moved back in with him. More months went by and he didn’t see to change, he was still mean and accusing me of doing things that weren’t true. One night at his house he chocked me until I passed out. I lost my voice and could barely talk afterwards. I decided to move to a different city and get my own place in which he also moved here. He moved with a family member. We were still in contact but I told him that it wasn’t a good idea for us to live together again. My reason being is that he is to controlling and I didn’t wanna go through that again. I was going to see him and we were still sexually interacting. One night he came over and spent the night with me. He said I was acting like I didn’t care about him so he threatened me and raised his fist a few times at me as if he was holding back punching me. He gave me this look that let me know the old him was still their because I remember that look. So after he left I decided that I was allowing him to come back and I need some time to figure things out. He came to my apartment 2 nights in a row at 3:00am beating on the door. The second time he came he also beat on the window and tried to open it. My heart was beating really fast and I was scared to I called the police. Once they arrived I explained the situation to them and told them I was really scared so they took him to jail. He’s been in jail for 4 days now and he still doesn’t have a bond. He’s on parole also. I don’t want him to go to prison but I also need time alone as I’m not sure if I wanna be with him right now. What should I do? Will his parole be revoked for violating the parole or will he likely receive a bond? tl;dr Had no choice but to call the police on him after he threatened me. Don’t want him in prison but I’m no longer in-love with him. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1584,"Title: Was this sexual harassment? Teacher kept calling me pretty and put hands on shoulders. Text: This happened a few years back and it's always kind of stuck in the back of my mind. I was 16 at the time. I was too sick to go to school, so teachers sent home work for me to do (mostly on the computer). One teacher wanted to meet me in person and see my work environment, he was the only one but I didn't think much of it. When he arrived at my house he mentioned how pretty I was. I went through how id do the work (on my computer) and my mom left the room for a few minutes. Then he put both hands on my shoulders and leaned in close to my face and the computer screen. He stopped before my mom came back. He called me pretty 2x more during the session and was very casual talking. As he was leaving, He asked about my home situation (if it was just my parents and me). I told him that I had an older sister (who happened to be the same age as him) who lived with us and he responded ”well if she looks anything like you (kind of nodding his head and making a clicking noise at the end).” I felt weirded out but didn't say anything. He left the school/or was fired a month later and my school coordinator changed the subject when asked why. I kept telling myself that I was overreacting and may be he was just being nice but the experience has stuck with me. I still jump when someone places their hands on my shoulders. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 1585,"Title: I’M STILL STANDING Text: You must’ve had an inclination to beat me down. You must’ve been threatened. You physically beat me. You tried to convince me that I was mentally incapable, that I was crazy, that I was a bitch. EVERYTHING was the problem except for my boyfriend 🤷 You called my therapy stupid. You were discouraging and mean when I quit drinking. You put down my friends and family. You jeopardized my work. You screamed at me right through meetings. You SHATTERED my work computer. But guess what… IT DID NOT WORK. I ❤️❤️❤️ MYSELF. I am doing quite well at my job. My body is better. My mind is better. I’m NOT CONTROLLED BY ALCOHOL ANYMORE. I am finally in control of my life. I’m RICH and I have my very own self to thank for that. I know the signs and signals of asshole men. I’m smarter and wiser. I have the capability of helping out other women in this situation. it really is true that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. And I’m PROUD OF MYSELF for getting out of this relationship before it eventually killed me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1586,"Title: Mom has been suffering from delusions of grandeur and i'm worried / frustrated. Text: About 5 or so years ago my mom was working at MoneyMart, after her shift she had to put money in the safe and ended up smacking her head on the door to said safe getting a nasty concussion and sent to the hospital. The doctor gave her some medication to prevent brain injury and instructed her to take them, she took them for a couple days and then stopped citing they were probably not useful. Fast forward a month and she has a mental break in the middle of a conversation with me she leaves the house and goes door to door informing our neighbors (who we didn't know) of the upcoming apocalypse and trying to ""save everyone."" the cops get called and she's admitted to the psyche hospital for 2 weeks. She comes home and everything is ""okay."" She has a couple more of these episodes but far more tame as I believe she didn't want to let on to avoid being hospitalized. This went like this for a year or so until she started seeing a psychic. This massive piece of shit had convinced her during their meetings that she was psychic and could unlock a whole trove of potential if she just paid him exorbitant amounts of money - he contributed massively to her decline and would only speak to him about various things going on in her life which he attributed to her needing to give him more money so he could ""heal"" her. She eventually stopped going to him but took everything he said at face value, she still believes she's psychic and powerful and what not. It came to a head today when we were having a nice conversation and she started talking about neighbors at our previous house ""setting her up"" in various ways, she had said that whenever she talked about her friend who was a cop, her friends husband would say""wire tapped"" (as a joke obviously, i understand that, she does not) she also said they had a piece of paper on the fridge and when she read it ""her legs gave out"" and they exclaimed to eachother ""did you see that?"" ​ I know none of this makes sense, I know it's not well written I apologize, I just want to know if anyone has some tips for me to be able to possibly transition her into understanding these are delusions of grandeur. Pointing out that she's a regular person like the rest of us and that these random people have no reason to target her is pointless, i'm getting accused of gaslighting everytime I try to reassure her. I don't want to lose my mom to this but i'm afraid it's already too late and that she'll end up hurting herself or getting permanently admitted. Is there anything at all I can do besides getting her committed to a facility (which I don't think i'm even able to do, nor is it an option I would take) I feel like i'm losing my mind alongside her. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1587,"Title: Its been 6 months since I left my abusive relationship.... Text: I have proven to myself I can survive on my own. I will be graduating from college in December!!! I have noticed I have been a lot happier in general and all the weird aches and pains and ailments I had during that relationship have completely vanished. I survived.... a year ago I would have never thought any of this was possible. I am free... and I finally feel alive again. To anyone going through leaving your abusive partner.. you can do it! Its so hard but you deserve to be safe and treated with love and kindness. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1588,"Title: Is life worth living ? Text: is life worth living? it is not easier for euthanasia to be legal and everything ends easier. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1589,"Title: one of my cuts is acting weird Text: I usually make styros and they don't hurt after a few hours, but I have one that I made two days ago, and it is red around the wound and painful to touch. Is this a sign of infection? Or is this normal for anyone else? I'm worried that it might be a problem because my other styros don't act like this. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1590,"Title: I would love a friend Text: Just someone to casually talk to For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1591,"Title: Staying for the kids Text: Hello everyone! I'm a CPS worker and I thought I'd just post some info here regarding some things I've seen in my line of work in reference to domestic violence. I hope it doesn't come across as guilt-tripping as that's not my intention at all. I only want whoever needs it to see the other side of the story from the child's perspective. I mostly work with female victims while my male coworkers work with male victims so most of the examples will be regarding mother victims as it's what I have experience with but the same concept applies to everyone. At work, a lot of the time when talking to the victim I am told that they stay in the relationship for the kids, because they feel like the children will benefit from having two parents under the same roof instead of one or because they feel like a big life change (divorce) might be detrimental to the children. A two-parent household seems to be thought of as the ideal home for many victims regardless of the abuse happening in the home. And so I am here to talk about specifically that. We get a lot of calls from schools in which young kids can't concentrate in school because they're worried about their mother and whether or not she's alive because parents fought the day before and dad said he was going to kill mom. We get other calls in which a teen ends up in jail for harming or killing his father to defend their mother. Sometimes, when kids can't intervene, they end up feeling guilty for not being able to change things, even though it's not their responsibility. All of this takes a toll. 99% of these kids have told me they were much happier after leaving the home or would have wished the victim parent could've left. Personally, I have taken victims for restraining orders, accompanied them to court, found them a hotel or home to stay in, and even accompanied them to change the locks on the door. This doesn't happen for every worker, but there's some good ones out there. So no, leaving the relationship is not detrimental to them. Witnessing abuse and parents fighting is what is largely psychologically impacting. And on that note, they don't have to be in the same room with the victim and abuser for them to be affected. Walls are thin. Even if they were out of the home at the time of the abuse, they might get home and see marks or bruises on the victim. Or even see the victim in a bad emotional state. Please don't use your child as a reason. It puts stress on them and when they grow up, they can feel like a burden for making you stay. Hope this was informational! Edit: I do not encourage anyone to leave their children with the abuser or in a bad home environment unsupervised. Victims are always encouraged to leave the home with their children or have the abuser leave the home if possible. I know there's various reasons not to leave other than the ones mentioned here, this post is only regarding the reasons discussed here. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1592,"Title: It’s just empty Text: I just don’t feel anything anymore, not happiness, not sadness, nothing. I’ll just lay in bed and barely be able to do sit up let alone going to school, I can’t talk about it since everyone I do talk to just says I’m confused or looking for attention How do I “turn my feelings on” again? Is it even possible? (I have diagnosed ASD if that plays a role) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1593,"Title: I won my court case against my abuser! Text: Went to court this week to face my abusive ex who contested the restraining order I was granted — and he was denied! I get to keep my restraining order as is, including full custody of our 2 y.o. and zero contact/parenting time for right now. Even though technically I won, it really doesn’t feel like a “win.” Restraining orders are just a tool. He could still hurt me. Plus, it obviously doesn’t take away the horrible things he did that have scarred me forever. I will never be the same. I struggle daily, and I honestly feel like my life is ruined from the impacts of his abuse. I was shocked at how brazenly he lied to the judge during the hearing. There was video and photo evidence of his abuse, my resulting injuries, and damaged property. He just flat-out said it never happened and showed zero remorse or responsibility for his behavior. I don’t know what I was expecting, but this felt like another layer of betrayal and such an insult. He also did not even mention wanting to adjust parenting time/contact with our son. That was surprising and disappointing, in a way. The whole experience was a total mind-fuck — like a parade of continued gaslighting that really didn’t scratch the surface or accurately portray the extensive years of abuse I endured. The day after the hearing, my adrenaline “come down” felt like I had been hit by a bus. The sides of my neck were so sore, tense, and swollen with muscle knots during the days before and after the hearing, which is interesting because my case involved strangulation. I’ve been cycling through another round of confusing grief and mourning of the relationship and all the lies he promised me, the love-bombing, the vows to protect me, the “soul mate and best friend” claims he tried to manipulate me with into coming back after I left. It hurts and I hope this trauma bond dies soon. I’m grateful to have some peace from him. I hope he finds some sort of deep healing to stop hurting women and deserve a relationship with our child. EDIT: I also want to thank everyone who commented on my posts and wrote to me. I’ve been so emotionally wrecked, I did not respond to many of you. But your words, advice, and kindness made a big difference to me! Thank you ♥️ For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1594,"Title: Good morning, :) does anyone wanna voice chat? Text: Hello good morning!! Does anyone wanna voice chat with me (I have discord)? I'm a F 22 I don't know if this is the right place but I just wanna snuggle talk with someone while waking up!! :) I'm into many things including vtubers, anime, dancing, singing, cute stuff etc etc etc. One day I wanna have a group of good friends :) Anyways that was super little about me but it's hard to tell who to click with even based off of some interests we have together. Take care see you soon!!! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1595,"Title: My mom just drunk herself to death Text: She fucking drunked herself to death as I was literallt 2 days from moving to her, left me at her house 500 km away from my dads house yet I still managed to come Back, tommorow im about to go to the school I so fucking hate, was planning On killing someone tonight but my dad stayed home making it impossible to go out undetected, the thought of killing myself stays with me for about 5 years, but now its damn stronger then ever, i think i might do it tonight, if I had a gun i would be damn dead, cutting my arm is not an option as I dont want to lie in the Bathub for hours bleeding out, im gonna check now if I have any meds that would be able to kill me atleast with Little pain, if there is someone who wants to help you better show up now cause i might be dead soon, Fuck my damn life For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1596,"Title: How does it start? Text: I don’t think he’s plotting to hurt me. There isn’t a substance abuse issue, but so much anger and frustration aimed at me. Held me up against a wall by my shoulders. Or stopping me from leaving by walking me backwards forcefully, I fell to the ground. Is there a path towards recovery? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1597,"Title: Question Text: Should I be worried/concerned: I recently relapsed and usually after a week or so they’ve scabbed up enough I can just forget about them. I’ve been going a little further than I should depth wise and I went overboard this time. Anyways, my arm hurts so bad, I can’t move it without feeling like shooting pain all the way up to my neck almost. It’s definitely red and a bit swollen but no weeping or anything like that. The muscle feels so sore/tender. They’re about a week old old now and it seems every day it’s getting more and more sensitive For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1598,"Title: Old friend messaged me inappropriately after not talking for months, what do I do? Text: Sorry if this is kind of long for as little as it is, im still wrapping my head around the so will possibly ramble. Also i don't know if this exactly fits the bill for here, I just wanted some kind of support somehow. I was friends with him in college til we both left for university. Last summer, messages had escalated into something I wasn't entirely comfortable with but I continued with it and didn't admit to my discomfort due to us being in a small friendship group (4 of us with the other 2 dating). After a little, I couldn't continue doing it at all and had to ask for help on how to settle it - finally telling my girl friend about the issue with him. I thought it was fine. We messaged maybe on 2 days since May when it happened. Wednesday night, I was on the phone to a new group of people I'd gotten close to when he messaged me. I was replying in a friendly jokey way and it went south on his end immediately after saying hi. Nothing major really happened, ill rewrite it here if that's okay. Him: HELLO Me: good evenin Him: PENIS Me: nah I'm too gay for that Him: no youre not Him: VAGINA Me: yeah but... uno (I'd sent a screenshot of the game, as well as it having the little bubble that I was on a discord call) Him: oooo Not even 2 minutes later Him: I want to put you and all fours and f*ck you (I'd ignored it, but saw the message without it being read) Him: what's that? (Completely ignoring what he'd said to me) (I still hadn't responded yet 15 minutes later) Him: I want you to suck me off After a bit he unsent the inappropriate messages and asked if I was up or had seen any of it. I admitted to seeing a bit, and was left on read. I'm worried about what the hell I can do going forward, as I was going to try to reconnect with the girl friend anyways but now I don't know what to do - will I mess up or get upset if he's ever around? We haven't spoken too much so what if it comes off that I'm just talking yo her again to get her to ""sort it out for me""? It's ruined what little sex life I had. I tried to be intimate with my FWB but felt like I was close to being sick and once we stopped, I broke down crying. I'm scared that something this small has affected me so much, and I don't know what to do going forward. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 1599,"Title: Can they really change? Text: I’ve (39/f) been living with my boyfriend (37/m) for the last 4 years and unfortunately last week was the 3rd time he screamed and broke stuff in our house. I filed a TRO and now he’s saying he’s in an intense therapy program and he needs my support. We have come so far in other parts of our relationship. Can he really change?! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1600,"Title: I haven't been sober since Friday. Text: I've been struggling with addiction and suicidal thoughs for a while now and these last few weeks have been brutal. I party allot and have access to allot of alcohol and narcotics so I've been high on amphetamines, bensos, tramadol and cocaine this entire week + downing a bottle of vodka everytime i drink which is usually once or twice a week. Today I woke up depressed and hung over from Xanax thinking that it was going to be a good day because I was surprised to go over to a girls house today and sleep there with her because we're going on a rave on Saturday together but when I woke up and asked her when I should come over she told me that we needed to talk. She called me up and told me that it isn't a good idé for us to hang out anymore because she's falling in love with me and she isn't looking for a relationship right now. So now I'm totally alone again, high on amphetamines and about to pop some benzos soon. I haven't eaten anything more than half a pizza since yesterday and im going to get fucked up high at the rave tomorrow aswell + my friend is hooking me up with more tramadol at the rave. I'm not going to kill myself right now but I'm honestly starting to get suicidal. Life is just so meaningless.. There are only 2 things that are true in this work. Pain, and love. I feel so much pain on a daily basis that I barely know what to do unless I'm high but when I was hanging out with this girl that feeling went away slightly and now she no longer wants to see me because she's developing feelings for me, and I like her a little too. There's allot more going on in my head ofc but if I was to write everything down I'd be writing a book as long as the Bible.. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1601,"Title: I can’t contain my urge to fucking sob any time I see the phrase “I love you” or any variations of “mwah” Text: I’m sick and tired of this bullshit For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1602,"Title: Panic attack before something goes wrong.. Text: I’m sorry I’ve been making a lot of random posts on here lately but I am a curious person and just have a lot of questions about myself. Every time something bad happens to me no matter how bad, I seem to notice that before hand I had actually had a panic attack seemingly warning me of what was to come. And likewise when something ruins my routine or how I wanted it to go, then everything is out of whack, like I know to myself that something as small as being unhappy with the way my hair looks in the morning can make me be in a terrible mood all day causing everything to go wrong from there. It’s frustrating because that means I have to do everything perfectly or atleast good enough that I don’t care throughout every second of the day or else it’ll go wrong. For example, at work as soon as I break one glass I fall into a spiral and am highly likely to break another one. So this can be quite stressful. Why does my whole day have to go well without fail like that??? Why do I seem to know the future with my anxiety???? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1603,"Title: im going to do it by the end of the week Text: i’ve set my mind to it. im going to kill myself by the end of this week. i need to apologize to a few people before, write a long letter to my mum apologising, clean my apartment, and then i’ll do it. im ready. im not sad, or angry or upset. i feel nothing. i have no reason to keep going. i destroy everything i touch. and i know its for the best. im ready to go. i’ve waited so long for this moment. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1604,"Title: what happens after case expunged and the person commits the same crime? Text: My soon to be ex husband was charged by the state and arrested in court for being guilty of domestic violence against me. It was nasty. He moved to another state and was with another woman and I found a case online where she took him to court for the same thing. Is there any negative impact for repeating the same crime. Am I entitled to see those documents from his second court case? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1605,"Title: Im getting a little bit tired of these “am I valid” posts Text: Yes you are valid. Everyone is valid. If you are hurting yourself then you are self harming and you are valid for that. Don’t look for other people’s validation, look for your own. Stop comparing your sh to other peoples. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1606,"Title: Not a single person actually cares unless you kill yourself Text: If you say you're so depressed you can't function it's ""Aw it'll get better"" and they forget about you. Then when you kill yourself everyone's like ""Oh I never would've thought, I wish he would've given some sort of sign."" I said how many times I want to kill myself and I think I might do it, but I know if I do people will act like it's a huge surprise. I've been serious all along. I have a rope tied into a noose in a box in my room, so that it's always ready. I'm not joking or just looking for attention when I tell people I need some kind of help. Everybody only pretends to care and then when you're dead tries to say they cared all along For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1607,"Title: Decisions I've Made Make Me Spiral Text: I feel like I have a decent life. however, I always feel like I'm always JUST short of exactly where i want to be. There's so many situations I've had and decisions i've made that make me feel like I'm never going to get to where I want to be and I'll always fall short. I am super hard on myself and spend hours thinking of what i should've done whenever I f\*ck up. How can I help myself be more positive and not negative about my life when I know objectively I have a decent life? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1608,"Title: My life got really messed up in one day. Text: So i was in school a couple days ago and i got heared out by my prinicipal about my behavior i didn't think much about it Till he said ur out of school it came as a bomb no warning signs ok sometimes i was a little irritated becauce of the long hours. So now I'm at home with nothing my mom is Mad my family doesn't know I'm scared to inform them. I'm really at the bottom. I'm mad at Every teacher at that school like furious. Anger and sadness it's a fucked up situation. I hope that somone can en courage me. I really need it right now. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1609,"Title: First psychiatrist visit Text: In the waiting room. Trying not to die out of anxiety. Idk what i am going in for. I wanted to go exactly a year ago but yeah it took me a year to get an appointment and now i am petrified. I'm not too sire what to expect. Afaik mental health in my country is a really taboo topic and it's recently being talked about so idk how the doctor will be. This is an anxiety post I'm trying to calm my fidgety fingers For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1610,"Title: Neighbors dog keeps barking nonstop & I keep having sensory meltdowns from it. WTF do I do. Text: I just want silence, that’s all I fucking want. I was having a very positive & productive day until 45 min ago when my neighbors dog started barking *nonstop*. I can’t handle it, I really can’t. As much as I love animals to death, their fucking bark makes me want to explode. Just put your fucking dog inside!!!! Are they deaf?! I don’t know what to do. I have noise cancelling headphones but only work when playing music, and all I want is fucking silence. I’m so fucking tired of having meltdown after meltdown, it’s fucking exhausting and is harming my body (my heart area always hurts after meltdown). I don’t know what to do. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1611,"Title: Reliving my rape over and over Text: Every night it happens. I try ty fall asleep but can't, when I finally do pass out, the nightmares begin. Vivid dreams of the horrible, gross things they did to me. I eventually wake up crying and shaking in fear and have usually peed the bed and sometimes even poop the bed. It's to the point I'm afraid to sleep. Does this go away on its own? is there medicine for this? Would hypno therapy work? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1612,"Title: I’m sick of people implying and/or straight up telling me how I should live my life Text: Of course it’s not everyone But the people to distance myself from becomes more and more clear by the day… Some people don’t understand what I’m doing, but at least they have enough faith in me that I’m trying different things with varying levels of reward and that I will make it work. I’m not just sitting on my ass at home all day twiddling my thumbs like the impression seems to be amongst some, I’m on track to something bigger. I appreciate that. Then there’s the group that thinks they know what’s best for me and does have my best interest at heart, but what they envision for me and what I envision for myself are two completely different things. I don’t want to be confined to the box they want to put me in, and it’s hard to deal with these people. Often people I’m close to, family, so I just distance myself and say nothing. We’ll talk about other things instead while I continue about my business without their support. It sucks, but it’s whatever. Then there’s the group that’s jealous. It’s a smaller group, but it’s definitely there. Their criticism is based on what I haven’t done, and I’m sure if I had done those things, they’d find other things too that I hadn’t done to criticize. So to this group: fuck you and goodbye. We’ll see where you’re at in 10 years. If people want to be disappointed in me for not wanting to go the typical route of the 9-5 engineering job day in day out, then so be it. If that’s your biggest dream in life then good on you, but it’s not mine. That sounds so utterly boring to me, and I want to do something more creative. I feel like I’m meant to do something more creative than that. And if my confidence in that statement makes me cocky or makes people uncomfortable: so be it. This is me, it’s my life, I don’t have to please anyone else to support myself but me. There’s also the implication that I’m struggling financially because I’ve kept my PT retail job for now, and that I’m basically wasting my time. Newsflash: I’m not struggling lol Because my projects aren’t just failing lol When you’re not confined to the 9-5 box, you don’t simply get comfortable with what you’re making and you get much more creative with the ways you can generate income. The possibilities are endless, really. I’ve kept my retail job as some side income for now a few times a week, because it gets me out from behind my computer screen, it’s flexible, it’s dirt easy at this point, and I know everyone there loves me so it puts me in a better mood about myself for a bit. I don’t plan on keeping it forever, but why wouldn’t I keep it while I focus most of my time and energy on what I actually want to do long-term? Or I could live how other people want me to, quit my PT job, get my 9-5, focus all my time and energy on that, then by the time I get home have no energy left to do what I actually want to do because I’ve been using all that energy and creativeness completing something for someone else which isn’t even in my best interest, with a much smaller potential reward: financially and mentally. I also don’t see the security a lot seem to see in the 9-5… in fact I don’t see the security in it at all. What I’m doing is a risk? A 9-5 is a risk too!! Every company is the same whether we like to admit it or not, whether they say otherwise or not: profit comes before anything. The big boss can walk in at anytime, any day and tell you that you that you no longer have a job. How is that **not** a risk? I’d much rather be in control of my own career instead of unnecessarily worrying about when my expiry date is at some random company, accomplishing nothing that I actually want to do. The choice seems easy to me: don’t waste my skills to make someone else wealthy doing something I feel forced to do instead of doing something I actually want to do. I guess the main takeaway: just because you’ve conditioned yourself to live your life a certain way, doesn’t mean it’s the only right way and that I have to do the same. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1613,"Title: Has anyone had experience with pregnancy and quitting anti depressants/ adhd medication? Text: I’m 24, currently on Wellbutrin-350mg and Adderall-30mg. I heard you can’t be on any medication while you’re pregnant. Should I lower my dosage before going cold Turkey before I get pregnant? Has anyone been on anti depressants while they were pregnant or know someone who has? I’m worried about my baby having a birth defect because of my medication. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1614,"Title: “Did you like it?” Text: No you sicko. If I liked it it wouldn’t have been rape you fucking dodo. If I liked it I wouldn’t be waking up in cold sweats. I feel like the people who ask this are just rapist themselves and are looking for their behavior to be justified. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1615,"Title: Should someone who’s objectively evil kill themselves? Text: I harassed someone who I would consider inherently good because I used them as a crutch and find it difficult to live without them. Therapy, other friends, etc haven’t helped me stop. If I can’t stop I’m not really sure I deserve to live. It’s difficult to live with the idea that I was born a bad person and I don’t have the willpower to change. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1616,"Title: I want to kill myself Text: I bought 80mg of Xanax I have vyvanse and lexapro with alcohol and sleeping medication will this be enough to overdose For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1617,"Title: Am I mentally challenged? Text: (M25) All my life I've been struggling with depression and anxiety and at some point I learned to live with it thanks to therapy, however there's something else that I have always felt underneath and never told anyone. I feel like I may be mentally challenged. Let me explain. Since I was a kid people would always get frustrated at me because I would not understand what they want me to do or I would commit a lot of mistakes, my family would jokingly say that I was ""stupid to talk"". I have always been socially awkward while growing up, would been really bad at orientating myself and would make people really frustrated because of me when they tell me to do things, either new stuff or stuff that is not that hard, it's like I don't know how to follow instructions or I just froze or I do things really slow. Some examples are: -It takes me too much time to do repetitive tasks like cooking, making a sandwich, doing office work, etc. -A lot of times I don't get social queues and say awkward stuff or snitch on people without realising, or even saying stuff that I knew it may make the other person mad but just realized after I said it. \-Even when they talk directly at me and give me instructions I sometimes space out and then when doing the task I ask them again stuff that they just told me how to do it / where to find it. \-It takes me months to remember how to go somewhere, even if it's something 1 mile away, people get frustrated because they need to tell me everytime. \-I take instructions too literal or interpret it differently and people tell me (sometimes more rude than not) ""it was obvious / can't you think? / Use your logic / Why would you think that?"" \-I recently moved to the US because I got married and my wife gets really frustrated when she sees me drive because, even though I was average at Mexico, here I commit such basic mistakes because I get nervous. \-When people tell me to pass them something I froze or I take a few seconds to think what they have told me, or I can't find it even tho it's on plain sight, so they get frustrated and do it themselves. \-When I'm going to order something, talk on the phone or an employee I get nervous and mess everything up or get too anxious. \-When I'm told to do something I ask for TOO many details and steps on how to do it and (after I leave them very frustrated) I do the thing and mess it up on missing details. ""Oh you told me to cut wood? but what kind of wood do I take? How do I know if it's dry enough? do I use the axe over there? how do I make the cut? OOPS, It took me half and hour to cut just this amount of wood and did it horribly because you didn't tell me where to hit it and Im so fucking stupid I couldn't use logic and figure it out myself"" I know for a fact that my family sometimes struggle with me because I'm too stupid to be asked for stuff so they rely more on my brother. My friends see it too but since they don't have to struggle with it a lot they don't care overexplaining things to me (they have even helped me to put new hardware to my PC step by step (LITERALLY STEP BY STEP), at the end one of them accepted that it was kind of annoying. My wife has bad temper so some stuff have escaped from her mouth when I can't do what she asks ""I can't believe it takes you that much time to do something like this"", ""You can't even do something like this right"", ""Forget it, I'll do it myself"" No one has told me directly that they think I'm stupi but I feel the do. TL:DR I think I'm not normal because people get frustrated by how slow I am at doing things they ask me or how overly specific they have to be because I take things too literal and ""can't use my logic"". It's like I was on an eternal letargic state and couldn't ""lighten up"" For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1618,"Title: My girlfriend was raped on Saturday night. Text: Throwaway because I dont want this on my real account, but need to talk about it. She was drinking at a party, came home with friends. Her and a guy friend went upstairs. She fell asleep in her bed. Woke up to him forcing himself on her. That's all the details I know. I cant talk about anything else I dont even know the guys name. I want to kill him. I want him dead. I'm so angry and sad. I'm so frustrated that this could happen to the love of my life. She doesn't want to go to police. She wouldn't even get a rape kit done. She said shes planning on getting tested for STDs. I just want to fucking die. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1619,"Title: Contemplating heavily Text: I think i’ve fucking had it. Slightly loosing my mind. Only one thing to live for at this point. Only person keeping me from hell. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1620,"Title: “I was never really insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched.” Text: I honestly don’t know where to begin. I’ve never been too vocal about my depression (except for 2 or 3 people in my lifetime). But I guess venting to strangers is easier.. there’s so much to say, but I can’t find the words. Everyday is getting harder & harder to stay alive. I see no point in being here anymore. I have no parents, family, or a lover. I have one sibling (my older sister) but she & I are completely different. Whenever I’ve opened up about my thoughts, she looks at me as if I was crazy. She doesn’t understand & never has. It’s so hard to want to live when you’re so incredibly alone. No amount of friends, sex, drugs or food can fill that void. I feel like a burden to everyone around me. I have no desire to start a career, get married, or have children. I have no desire for anything in this life. Because to me, it is all temporary. I might get heavily judge for what I’m about to say, but these are my beliefs: This world is all a lie. The truth about what’s going on is so dark. We’re in a spiritual warfare between good and a evil. I’ve gone down the rabbit hole & can’t come back up. I see the world for what it truly is, & I can’t unsee it. Living with that everyday is heartbreaking . My only hope is in Jesus Christ but even then, I don’t know if I can have the strength long enough to wait for his return. I know we are in the last days, but I don’t have the strength to sit here and wait for all of this to be over. Every time I’ve shown love to someone, I’ve never gotten it in return. I only get hurt. It makes me feel insane.. the only true love I have found is in God & Jesus. But even then, that doesn’t take away the pain. I just hope that in the end, God can forgive me if I end up taking my own life.. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1621,"Title: Head of HR for a major Canadian grocery chain does comedy routine making fun of sexual harassment complaints Text: \-Hello, I use to work at a Canadian Grocery store chain called Sobeys. Years ago serious claims of sexual harassment were made against a department manager. This manager was suspended but then reinstated and then was protected by being moved to a different store. I never understood why and it always sickened me. \- A couple of days ago through the power of Tik Tok's fyp I came across the head of HR for Sobeys. I thought that was kinda neat and checked through his videos and found out he does stand-up comedy but I was horrified to find one of his routines was saying the only pickup lines he can use that is associated with his job is ""hey girl you want to re-enact that sexual harassment complaint"" \-It makes me angry and sad that the person in charge of HR at a major corporation thinks it is funny to joke about sexual harassment. It is not a funny issue at all. Sexual harassment does serious damage to people that affects them forever and results in pain and suffering. \-I have the video saved but I do not know how to post it or don't want to cause a serious negative reaction to someone watching it. \-If you want to support sexual harassment in the workplace then shop at Sobeys I suppose. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1622,"Title: Can someone just talk to me? Text: I’m struggling really bad. I’ve had the gun to head multiple times tonight, literally. I’ve been suicidal most of my life but this is by far the worst. I don’t know if I’ll make the night at this rate. I don’t have any friends. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1623,"Title: it’s happening Text: might have less time than I thought. I just can’t do it anymore. There’s no way out. Trying to find something sturdy to hang from For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1624,"Title: Started using Denial as a Coping Mechanism Text: Hi all, This year I've started using denial as a coping mechanism and also feel that I'm not letting myself be happy and content because life is full of lows and I think something is going to screw up my happiness regardless of how happy I be. Also noticed myself being hyper vigilant at times. Please note that I am doing well work-wise, health-wise, and have no major issues in life right now. I have lots of hobbies and friends. But I've been hurt this year due to a couple of loved ones being not too well health-wise. And It's changed my ability to feel the good emotions. I feel I have mild PTSD.. Anyone been there ? Should I go to a therapist ? Any tips you got for me ? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1625,"Title: i should end it all Text: (this is a vent and it's basically just word vomit so it may not make sense but i need to scream into the void for a second ok) it is absolutely not going to get better. it's not possible. i hate everything our modern world stands for. i hate how i will never be able to afford anything ever again. i hate how working basically has no benefit now, because it sure as fuck won't pay the ever increasing bills. i hate finding a 'career' anyway. It's all bullshit. I wouldn't mind working at a clothing store forever if it meant i was ACTUALLY FUCKING PAID. i hate consumerism. i hate how i'm addicted to this damn phone. i hate having no other hobbies bc i'm too fucking tired to do anything that even slightly requires brainpower bc i'm way too tired after working my bullshit job. i hate how everything we do is solely to profit the rich. nothing is designed for the peoples betterment it is only designed to churn profits i hate my body and genitalia. i'm not trans but i hate the fact that being a particular gender means i'm subjected to physical pain and bullshit overall and there's truly nothing i can do about that. i'm the weaker less important gender so apparently nothing i say or do matters unless my looks appease the masses. i hate how selling sex is mainly how others in my gender get by. i hate being reminded that our bodies is all that'll ever matter so why go to school i guess cuz my brain will never matter as much as what i can offer the other gender. overall i hate it here and i want out thanks For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1626,"Title: Stuck, Alone, will it ever end. Text: A year ago i my life got turned up side down, for context, I’m in the military and away from home, but a year ago the person I would sacrifice everything for just up and left… and so abandoned here I’ve been. You think you know someone right? Now I’ll admit I wasn’t perfect, my job is absolutely brutal to my mental health and I had my days I wasn’t emotionally available, I was irritable and generally upset at everything, but I did what I could to just keep going for her. Honestly I did everything for her, I payed the bills let her stay home because that’s what she wanted, that’s what made her happy “to be home for me” when I got done getting railed at work and it was nice for a time. I thought it was all okay but then I get sent away to where I am now. I was away from her away from home thousands of miles away with nothing but her to keep me afloat everyday was a phone call home, everyday I woke up with her on my mind to keep me going, a year in she decides to go… Now I’m here stuck and alone, feeling purposeless, feeling broken. This is the fate of being the nice guy, and all it feels like now is that I’ll never find someone who will love me for who I am again, all there is to find are those who want to take from a nice guy and just leave me broken again… For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1627,"Title: I need advice Text: My fiancé of 2 years have cheated on me twice, first time she did it I thought she just did something wrong, we all do wrong things. I already was suicidal while I was with her after the incident. Last week she started acting off so I called her and told her to leave me if she's cheating again which she didn't and answered that ""don't leave me I need you more than always."" Today when we were gaming with some friends one of them asked me that how could I let her post a picture with another guy that is so close. When I checked her profile I saw nothing, got a screenshot of it and called her. I asked why she did it and she replied something was missing. So I told her to leave my life as silent as possible, asked if she needs money because college is hard. Then just hung up. Cried because I have nobody to talk to even. Then started thinking about what I always think about; killing myself. I don't want to kill myself only for those who want me alive. I need help, thank you. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1628,"Title: My story: I was raped last night and chose me Text: Last night, I went over to this 46y man I met online. I (22f) was the only one drinking. He just kept pouring more drinks, and I started being very intoxicated. He asked me to join him in his bed, which I did. « im way more drunk than I thought, i couldnt feel the effects whilst I was seating down » i said while laying next to him. We started kissing and he tried to penetrate me without wearing a condom. I refused. He then went and got one. He wore it and we had « consensual » sex. I was very very drunk. He took off the condom and asked me to give him a bj. Which I did. And after that, everything went downfall. He just penetrates me without a condom. I’m feeling more and more tired from the alcohol. I tried pushing him, was telling him « no please stop » he just kept going and ignored me. He saw how tired and sleepy I was so he asked me « Do you want me to stop and let you sleep? » I nodded yes and laid down. 30seconds later, I feel his penis on my lips, trying to force itself inside my mouth. I didnt say no, I had no more strenght in me. I remember trying to suck it, as an intuitive response, i barely could. Then its Black out. I only remember him cumming on me, wiping me off. I wake at 5am, still intoxicated from the night before. I was not mad at him nor conscious of what happened to me. Tried waking him up and he told me about how drunk I was, that he held me to the toilet, that i kept going to *points the door * and saying nonono. It took me 2 hours and a chat on reddit to finnally realize, get up and leave. Went straight to the police station and filed a complaint. Im scared now. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_ongoing Question 1629,"Title: Apology to u/BelgianBruiser Text: A user named BelgianBruiser posted a message on this sub. A creepy troll then posted something nasty, and about five minutes ago I proceeded to ban said troll. Unfortunately I clicked on the wrong username and accidentally banned BelgianBruiser instead. I reversed the ban within thirty seconds and sent BB a message of apology, but by that time he'd deleted his account. If he's still reading this sub, I wanted him to know that he did nothing wrong and it was entirely a mistake on my part. My sincere apologies. Regards, Thrf For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1630,"Title: NO one to report sexual harassment from boss (PRIVATELY OWNED) Text: The company I (33f) work for is privately owned. My creep of a boss(60m) is sexually harassing me almost daily. There's is no HR or anyone who I can contact for help. He will only say nasty things to me when others leave. I DO NOT WANT HIM TO DO THIS TO ANYONE ELSE. Im quitting this Friday ..so how do I bring this pervert down? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 1631,"Title: Advice Text: I’ll keep things simple to avoid any meaningful identifying details…I reported to my employer that my colleague had been sexually harassing me. Subsequently, I was told to ignore the accused and was assigned to work with different colleagues. Just a few hours ago, I found out that one of these new colleagues is a violent sex offender whose various crimes include, but are not limited to, sodomy with a person under 14 years and assault with intent to commit a lewd or lascivious act on a child. I have been left alone with this person and children have been present at or near our various worksites. I’ve posted this on other subs and realize that working with an ex con is not illegal, despite the very violent nature of his crimes. But….come on. We go through background checks, so im under the assumption that my employer is aware of this. I discovered this after just 15 minutes of perusing my states sex offender registry. How the fuck do I navigate this? Was the burden on me to know the criminal history of my colleagues? I feel like if I had known, I would’ve had the ability to make an informed decision on whether or not I should continue my employment or just simply know how to comport myself. All of this occurred in a matter of 3 weeks or so. Again, the above does not go into much detail in order to protect everyone’s privacy. This new guy makes comments about me being beautiful and difficult to not flirt with as well as wondering why I’m working there as I must be making my boyfriend jealous by being surrounded by men. It’s uncomfortable and so cringe, but I understand it’s not illegal. Mind you, I feel the need to lie to my coworkers that I have a boyfriend because that seems to quiet the advances. I’m the only woman on staff so I assumed these types of comments come with the territory. Although, I am not implying that women should simply accept unwelcome advances at the workplace as normal. People have been telling me that they’re not surprised about the behavior I’ve experienced and I shouldn’t have worked there to begin with. So right now I’m feeling naive and just plain dumb. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 1632,"Title: Who else is waiting until they feel they're allowed to kill themselves? Text: Personally my mom couldn't bear with it so I'm waiting until she passes away. Once this happens I can finally end this misery. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1633,"Title: I saw my first dead body today. Text: It was my dad's, in his room. I'm 18. It's taking everything in me not to hurt myself. If I had only heard him calling out to me and taken it seriously but I had no idea what it was about. He usually is annoying about that stuff so I ignored it. Turns out he was having a heart attack. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1634,"Title: What happens to the person who was abusive? Text: Not for me, but for someone close to me. The couple had a serious blow out, where he was verbally abusive while drunk. Made a terrible comment about what would stop him from killing killing her and the kids, when she asked him why he would say this. He said it would be releasing. She took the kids and went to her parents. 2 days later he went to his parents many states away. He had a history of saying things and only once had the police called because of physical abuse and drinking years ago when he was in the military. They are taking a break from one another and he is seeking mental rehabilitation and therapy. Him leaving the states made him leave his job as well, so they have no income. She didn't want to file a police report but wants to get financial assistance because of their scenario with him having no income over this. I'm convinced that she'll have to report it still, but she wants him to get help while he stays with his family, then revisit the idea of him coming home but needs assistance now. What happens to him if she files the report? Or applies for financial assistance due to the history of abuse. She doesn't want to press charges and file for a divorce right away, but im convinced that she may have too. Any insight? I know it's vague, but really trying to help inform her with out overwhelming her in the process. Clearly this is extremely emotional for her. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1635,"Title: New psychiatrist didn’t like my medication regimen Text: I, 21F, moved recently and found a new psychiatrist. I’m taking wellbutrin 150 mg, ability 2mg, adderall xr 20 mg, and adderall 10 mg as a booster if needed. He started off saying my medication combination doesn’t make sense, he wouldn’t have prescribed me adderall since i’m over 18 and just kept going on about it. When I said I was happy with this combination and it works he seemed apprehensive and basically badgered me into dropping the adderall 10mg. It just felt like a personal attack but I’m wondering if anyone else thinks this is a bad combo? It’s been working for the past 5 years, adding adderall two years ago, and I’m happy with the effect. I’ve also seen others on this sub and different mental health ones who take it as well and are happy. But i’m just wondering if he’s right or if i should keep being my advocate since I know what works and has been working? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1636,"Title: Saw a friends Nudes Text: In eight grade (7 years ago) I had a group project with a girl from my english class. Everyone always talked about how she had big boobs for her age. I never had the courage to tell her that I liked her. We decided to work together at her place. I forgot my laptop at home so she let me use her iPad to do the work. She obviously had to give me her iPad password so that I could work without asking her to open the tablet up every couple moments. While talking randomly she mentioned not to peek around her iPad since she had nudes on it. Somehow after I heard this, I wasn’t thinking clearly and just wanted to find them and see for myself. I excused myself to the bathroom and found a shady app that was a photo editor, it was password protected. I used her iPad password on it and it worked. In it were multiple albums of her nudes. I could see her entire body through the album covers, and panicked about what I had done. I immediately closed the app without doing anything else, never said a word of it to anyone because of how embarrassed I was of myself. (Seven years later) She recently moved in the building next to mine and I bumped into her a couple of times when hanging out with mutual friends. This triggered those memories which is why I feel like she deserves to know. However, She is starting a new job in a foreign country and seems happy and I don’t want her to be fucked up by my telling her of this. But I cannot sleep knowing what I know. I really am sorry for not controlling myself and regret what I did 7 years ago as a stupid horny kid who had a crush on the pretty girl in class. Don’t know what I should do or how to deal with this situation. Any advice, or even expressing your opinions about me are something I am open to as long as I get this past me. I feel awful about what I did. I also booked a session with a psychotherapist and intend to talk about this there. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1637,"Title: I think tonight is the night, and in a few hours preferably. Text: Thank you to the people that messaged me after my last post, I do appreciate it! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1638,"Title: rational me: you can’t cut every time you feel hurt or make a mistake Text: the rest of me: well, watch me, bitch For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1639,"Title: i found my step mom's blades Text: i was cleaning out the bathroom cabinet and i saw a bag with like 10-12 blades in it. for a minute i didnt want to believe what they were, so i opened it to make sure. the blade part was covered with paper, so i opened that, just to make sure. the blade was open at this point, so i tested to see how sharp it was. holy fuck, were they sharp. i tested it on my finger real quick, and it bled immediately. i took it, because of course i did. i didnt know what to do. i know its hypocritical of me to tell her to stop, but i left a note in there. i already put it in the bag and dont want to take it out again, so this is from memory. I wrote : ""I cant think of many reasons someone would have this many razor blades next to the first aid stuff. So if these are what I think they're for, please don't. I know that might not stop you, it wouldnt stop me, but please dont. -my name"" should I write anything else in the note? should I take it out? edit: woah, this post got a lot more attention that expected. the update i wrote probably got lost in the comments, so here it is- I ended up taking the note out, since I'm not 100% sure she is sh. if I find any more clear evidence that she is, I'll put the note back. thanks for all your advice :) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1640,"Title: Can ""LOL"" mean something other than laugh out loud? Text: I was sexually harassed by four customers at work the other day, and they kept saying ""L.O.L"" and looked at me specifically after they said it. Obviously it didn't mean ""laugh out loud"", but I want to know if there's some other meaning to it sexually. It could also just be some inside joke between them that they made up, but I can't even think of what it might mean in that scenario. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 1641,"Title: boyfriend told me if i loved him then I need to stop cutting Text: He really does not understand how hard it is to stop. This one time I told him i loved and all he said was I've herd this before. But if you love me than why do you still cut. I just said sorry and walked of. His intentions are good I know but it just makes me feel bad for having this issue We had a talk and he understood what he did was wrong and he did not mean to hurt me. It's all good now thanks for the support ❤️ Another update a few months later.we broke up you guys were right he was toxic but I’m happy now For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1642,"Title: I just came out to my family and told them about my boyfriend and girlfriend. Text: I just came out to my parents in my driveway as bisexual and disclosed that I am in a non-monogamous relationship. I have been dating my girlfriend for a year and a half now and my bf for the last 10 years. In August 2019, I planned my suicide backed by a lifetime of self-harm and self hate because I am queer. (gender non conforming and pansexual). I decided to live when it became apparent I was needed: my best friend almost died in an abusive relationship and my bf's narcissist father was trying to drag him back in. I decided to live because they'd die too and that if I was going to live, we were going to fucking get better no matter what it took. What it took was breaking all the rules. I was raised Baptist (never a believer, but a lot of internalized trauma because of it). I had to disentangle myself from the labels and roles other people have put on me my whole life, and I had to start following what felt right instead of what I was 'supposed' to do according to others. I stopped worrying about what my family would think and just went with it. I have a ton of cognitive dissonance that I am working through as a result of religious conditioning, but I am in a much better place. I understand who and what I am, and I understand that the problem was never me. I'm glad I made it. Still more work to do. Be safe<3. Sj. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","suicideideation_active_past, selfharm_past" Question 1643,"Title: Met with an old friend and realized why I'm always going to alone. I have a boring life and I'm terrible at conversations Text: Long story short: Met with an old friend that I haven't seen in about 3-5 years. We got dinner and told each other about what we've been up to and after hearing him talk about all the amazing things he did, it was my turn to talk and that lasted for about 1 minute and then it was nothing but awkward silence and eating. I am glad that he's doing good for himself, but I get this feeling that I wasted his time. Really wish my life wasn't so boring. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1644,"Title: Caught myself over sharing once again and scaring a good friend. Text: I (24M) suffer from Bipolar 1. Despite having new medications to stabilize my mood, i still go through my disorder, without realizing it. It's like it's on auto-pilot. (The highs and lows aren't as strong though but they're still present.) Not seeing this friend in over a year, he let me sleep over so we can finally catch up on life and play videogames. I bought some weed over so we can have a good time, but i realize this time that the weed caused some terrible anxiety and Paranoia that i became extremely depressive with my friend and over shared about my life problems, essentially turning my friend into a therapist. To be honest, I've been having a hard time getting to speak to a professional because my old therapist has been on leave for over 5 months. I hate how in my country (Canada) that sometimes they switch your therapist often. (This is through the medicare system, not privatized therapy.) I'm assuming i either smoked the wrong strain and it all spilled out, i forgot about my disorder and wasn't paying proper attention to my life, or simply bottling everything up and it just exploded. This happened a few weeks ago too when my boss heavily criticized my work ethic and scolded me for it. It brought me in a huge meltdown, but this time i didn't cry but I ended up being really depressed. I feel utterly guilty and ashamed for putting that on the friend, and it's honestly not the first time I've done this to people. I think it's scared away a lot of my friends in my life, and even the relationships I've had in the past. I lost close communication with two online close friends as they don't respond to me anymore, and tonight made me realize how these things scared other people in my personal life too. This happened too during my first manic episode but this time its not as bad. Ugh, this year has been hard, but easier than las year. I hope i can figure this out and try to be better. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1645,"Title: i think I've officially gone crazy, I'm on my own island Text: Im 23 and in north america first of all. I've always been known to be shy, although i had a lot of friends all the way up to middle school. then I moved after 7th grade and i never made irl friends since then. and all my friendships from my hometown have dissipated years ago. I made online friends in middle and highschool though, i even moved in with one when i turned 19. But now I live alone and I am almost friendless and have been for almost half a year now. My only ""friend"" is schizophrenic but we don't really talk much. I am so alone, I don't even converse with my family. (which is just my grandparents and my aunt) I live alone and I work alone, havent been able to make friends irl or online. I don't even know what to say to people or what to talk about anymore, I feel speechless, I feel crazy. I don't wanna be alone. i think something in me broke For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1646,"Title: Overwhelmed Text: I’m tired of everything. Why is it so hard to form meaningful relationships with people when you’ve already known them for years ? I feel unwanted, like I could just vanish out of thin air and no one would notice. People my age have already formed friendships that could last a lifetime, they are my friends and I have always been jealous of how special their bond is. Sometimes I wonder if teachers even give a single shit about what’s happening outside of school. I understand how stressful you may be, but can you at least understand or be aware of how hard I’m trying to improve my grades. Like I’m sorry for not handing in my prep on time but I’m trying really really hard to drag myself to school everyday and simply existing. I feel pathetic for not being able to function as a normal human being, it’s not suppose to be that hard… For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1647,"Title: 3 days clean and I crave more so much Text: Well to start of I should say...I should really seek professional help for a lot of reasons and issues. For last weeks, well maybe months I was selfharming daily. I have to admit that I am addicted. I have hard time to keep my mind of how badly I want to hurt myself more. I love every feeling selfharming is giving me. I am trying to reduce the harm, but my cravings are getting incredible. I wish I could get proper help or just have it end me already. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 1648,"Title: I feel like I’m faking it Text: Every time I sh I feel like I’m being fakeor not doing it’s right because i don’t have things that cut enough to scar. Everyone that’s seen it just says that I’m faking it or a pussy because I don’t draw blood. I’ve straight up been given a razorblade (which I accidentally lost) just do to it”properly” and I’m fucking done with it For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1649,"Title: So he just physically attacked me again .. Text: I am in so much pain. He head butted and repeatedly punched me in the head. He isn’t even sorry. He isn’t sorry. I hate myself. I knew he was going to attack me today no matter how calm I stayed. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1650,"Title: i am gonna kill myself, i don't give a fuck Text: ain't nobody cares about me and i been stalked 9 times and all of my devices have been hacked for some reason these hackers love to spy and hack on me, i am either gonna get killed by a train or use a rope to hang myself For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1651,"Title: Lmfao Text: Kid in a grade above me tried tearing off a bandaid while we were outside, just lumberjack’ed and scared they will see them tomorrow. I will be wearing long sleeves and a bracelet to hold it up but I think they’ll roll up my sleeve. My brother has caused enough issues in the school reports and I don’t want to add more. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1652,"Title: i think my obsession with cutting is getting out of hand Text: i am genuinely wondering is anyone else like this or am i just crazy. i relapsed again starting in may and started doing it constantly again starting in august… i started again in august because i was stressed and tired of my family and school pressuring me, but i did it today and yesterday because of a fight with my friends i got in. i felt like i had to punish myself and i like the feeling.. making myself bleed makes me feel relived and happy that i’m punishing myself. last week my friend asked me why i keep doing it and i said honestly “i like the feeling” and she made a disgusted face at me and told the table, but thankfully they didn’t hear. i don’t really know why i’m feeling this way but now i have to make up another lie to my mom on why there’s a big scar on my arm. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1653,"Title: I feel good for once Text: Feeling kinda good for the first time in a little while. I had no doubt I’d cut tonight earlier and up until about an hour ago I was planning out where I was going to do it. Last night I had a pretty bad relapse after almost 2 days clean, I did about 20 cuts. Anyways, I feel good because there’s this girl. We’re not together, but we both express our love and have a romantic relationship. She lives a couple hours away and I haven’t seen her since August. I sent her a message telling her how much I love her and then she asked if we could call tonight. We usually don’t call on weekdays because… life I guess? She also replied with how much she loves and appreciates me. We didn’t start talking yet, but just her appreciation for me and knowing I get to hear her voice tonight made me feel very good. I even took a walk, sounds trivial but I’ve been so depressed that I haven’t taken a walk in a month or 2 aside from the miserable walk home from school. I love her so much, she was the first person I told about my cutting and she was super supportive. She’s one of my only pieces of motivation to keep going and she doesn’t know this, but she’s saved my life a couple times. Now I’m just gawking, idk I’m just very happy to have someone like her. I do my best to make it worth her time because I don’t deserve her. Anyways, I’m glad I’ll get to have at least another 1 day streak. Tomorrow I go to the doctor for my anti depressant prescription, I’m kinda nervous. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1654,"Title: Did anyone else try to normalise things with their rapist? Text: I was in such shock I made him breakfast, and as he was my boss at the time I kept placating him. Is this normal? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1655,"Title: what is my purpose Text: I a have no friends,nobody who cares about me and i am planing on commiting suicide For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1656,"Title: I'm just happy to be posting this Text: I made myself promise to heal enough to forget i ever cut when i was deep into self harming , and that was when i was 15, now at 17 i feel so wonderful and fresh having not cut for so so so long. 3-4 months may not sound long but it feels so relieving. I relapsed a bit a few weeks ago but didn't touch anything sharp since then. Seeinh my body turn clean again (I've got tons of scars but they're turning white so it's fine) is so REFRESHING. I've this weird thing where I talk to my hands and legs as other humans and I feel like I relieved them of their stress. I eat much healthier too, now if I can only study consistently I'll be fine in no time. Sure I'm ugly and suicidal and too fat to be saying ""I'm glad my eating journey is fine now"" but I feel great just posting this yk? I never thought I'd get here! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_past, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 1657,"Title: why is leaving so hard Text: I have tried writing this about 5 times over I just can't find the words so in short why do I still love a man and beg him to be with me when he is horrible manipulative and abusive and I know this as he has left lasting damage to me not only physically but also mentally. This is 5 years in, I have grown a lot mentally but I still can't walk away For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1658,"Title: what’s the difference between the scar colours? Text: is there a difference between the white/pink colour and the brown-ish colour? is it age? is it depth? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1659,"Title: Has anyone been depressed for years but never taken medication? Text: Never been to a therapist either. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1660,"Title: I think im about to relapse after a week Text: So, I don't know if ""relapse"" is the right word since i wasn't really stopping myself, i just didn't have the urge since starting meds last week, but now i got a bit upset and it's not like im in a big distress, but for some reason the feelings brought back some urge to cut, and for some reason im glad the urge came back, i dont even wanna stop myself now update: i did it and it just doesn't give me that pleasure i used to feel, i feel so detached now i dont know how to feel For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1661,"Title: I (20m) broke up with my gf (20f) and now I regret everything. Text: So this happened less than a week ago, I had been with my gf for around 3 1/2 years, lived with her for 3, we were inseparable. Around a month ago I got really drained, I had payed bills for our 2 bedroom apartment on my own since she had a job once and lasted a day. I didn’t blame her for this as we were together through lockdown, she was still in college and it’s hard to get a job. Whenever I brought up the idea of her trying harder for a job she didn’t even want to listen to me. So about 3 weeks ago I told her that if she doesn’t get a job then I’m moving back to my parents to try and save money. Instead of looking for a job she decided to move back to her parents, they live a couple hours away and neither of us drive. We decided we would break up and when we’re both in a better place in the future we could rekindle our spark and maybe have another go. Well that’s all changed because she moved on Thursday. Called me on Thursday night crying, saying that she missed me and asked me to stay on the phone until she fell asleep. We both fell asleep and I had work the next day, when I got home I messaged her asking how her day was, she ignored me for a while and when I asked her why, she lied. And yesterday I spoke to her on the phone and she’s done a complete 180, she said she wants to be alone and discover herself which I understand, but she doesn’t even message me every couple hours. It’s like she just lost all feelings and now I’m alone, in my empty apartment, struggling for something to do just hoping someone would message just to keep me company. Now I’m alone, no family, very few/busy friends, with no one to talk to and nothing to do. Edit: spelling TLDR; I broke up with my gf of 3 years and she ghosted me after just 2 days after never being able to spend a day without each other. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1662,"Title: Was it my fault? Text: So when l was 9 l when to my aunt's house in North Carolina while l lived in south Carolina. When everyone was down stairs me and him were playing some games. That's when he wanted me to face the left side of the bed and get on my knees , so l did bc l didn't know any better. He showed me hi cock and he was 14 he said "" suck it for me "" and l said no and then he said get on the bed and that's when he got on top of me and we had just had sex afterwards thought He asked me to sit on him and beg him for more . I did but at that moment l didn't know anything's about sex , and more so l begged because l didn't know abts anything sexual . Anyways we left and lm haven't told anyone since. But l think it's my fault . 🤷🏾 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 1663,"Title: boss is offering me $/ touching me inappropriately Text: Some background information: I work in a well known and loved local restaurant in a small town. The owners are a married immigrant couple and they speak very little English. I started working here in October. The husband is significantly older than his wife (he is 86 years old) and can have a really bad temper. I will refer to him as Jack. For quite some time Jack has been giving me hugs while i'm in the back washing dishes, or when his wife is in the front/ not working. I thought this was just an old man thing. Later he'd start ""accidentally"" touching my boobs while he gave me hugs, and kissing my cheek/neck. He even did this in front of another co-worker who I was training, so I thought he must not have meant for this to be creepy or was doing this by accident. I have trouble setting boundaries so I never addressed it either. This past weekend I had to work a double, and Jack called me at 10 am asking me to come in so he could make me breakfast. Sometimes when I'm bored I'll show up early for work and they'll make me breakfast, so I did not think this was weird. I showed up and it was just Jack (this is also not weird, usually one of them goes grocery shopping in the morning). After eating breakfast I said I was going to redo the specials sign up front, and he called me over to where he was and asked me to give him a hug. While we were hugging he asked me if I liked hugs (and I said yes even though I was uncomfortable) so he said lets just have a long hug. Then he started touching my boobs and butt and said ""no one will know"" and started kissing my neck and cheek, and I swear he was trying to kiss me on the lips. At this point I finally pushed him away and said ""No."" Obviously I was very shaken up, but my shift hadn't even started so I went to the front to change the specials board. Ten minutes later his wife comes in, who is literally like a grandmother to me... a few minutes after, Jack walks over to where I am and offers me $200 to have breakfast with him the next day... I tell him I'm busy and he asks me to have dinner with him instead and I say no again. I finish my shift, go home to shower, and come back for dinner (luckily I didn't have to work dinner alone) and I was able to get off early. Tomorrow I have to go back and I am scared to be alone with him... We are severely understaffed and I JUST convinced a new friend/ future roommate of mine to start working there (this is who I was training). I feel awful bringing her into this environment and abandoning her. I am so stressed and I feel like an idiot for not recognizing this as inappropriate workplace behavior and stopping it from escalating. This is my first food service job and I was really enjoying it as well. Both of my bosses like me because I'm a hard worker (or at least that's why I thought they both liked me) and thinking about quitting over this makes me feel like garbage. I've told my current roommate who also works here and doesn't like this boss for other reasons, but none of my other coworkers know. Am I doing the wrong this if I don't tell the others? Like I said, this is a very old establishment and everyone loves it. All my friends work/ have worked here and also feel that the owners are like grandparents to them. I don't know what to do. I also don't feel like telling my therapist/ my parents because I know they'll freak out and tell me to quit... For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 1664,"Title: I am gonna give myself 4 months before I kill myself Text: My life isn't going anywhere and I might end my life soon but i have accepted to go to therapy and take pills .lets see if I hit that dead line. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1665,"Title: Noticing SH scars Text: I had a really cool moment today with my barista. She handed me my drink, and I noticed her scars- which she saw and quickly and awkwardly rolled down her sleeves. So, before I have her my card, I rolled my sleeves up so she'd see mine. She kind of froze and we did like a weird glance down, glance up, glance down, glance up. And then smiled and seemed so happy and it was so amazing. I told her I was a two weeks clean and that I hoped everything was going good for. I just realized there might be a lot of times where maybe people are looking or staring because they have them too and aren't normally brave enough to not hide them. Seeing someone openly wearing short sleeves is kind of empowering to see. Anyone, thank you, you made my morning! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 1666,"Title: Helping Others While Being Broken Text: Does anyone feel like they want to help others in spite of being broken? Like helping others gives you fulfillment and a false sense of completeness. That's what I always feel. I would love to give the world to anyone who needs it but I can't give it to myself. I keep on pouring from an empty cup. I'm empty as fuck and helping others seem like an escape from my own problems. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1667,"Title: I don’t feel regret when I do it Text: This is not to say that I don’t think self harming is a bad thing. It makes it sting every time I move my arms, is inconvenient for picking outfits, and leaves unremovable disgusting scars that are a constant reminder of your past and present struggles. It also worries your friends and family and if you do it incorrectly you could end up in the hospital getting stitches or even dying. I am not encouraging this habit for myself or others. I just genuinely have never felt guilty after doing it. Maybe it’s because I have been doing self harm since I was 8-9 years old (7-6 years)I think I might be dissociated from the feeling of remorse after doing it. At any point in my life where I have been “sober” it is not because I am actively making the effort and choice to stay that way. It’s just that either some inconvenience has come in the way or haven’t had the time/need to. I have gone months without self harming but I never realize it because I don’t count the days. I genuinely cannot imagine a future of me not self harming. It’s not that it’s a constant thought on my mind, in fact, I never even think of it AT ALL. Just like how you don’t think about brushing your teeth, you just do it because it’s what you do every morning. It’s just apart of my routine. Most of the time when I do it, I’m not having a major breakdown or particularly upset about one thing. I’m just doing it. I just feel like it. Even if it stings afterwards I feel no regret. Ever. I don’t even think before I do. I see posts like “congratulating myself for 3 months clean!!” And I’ve never felt that way about my personal self harm. If I go 3 months without doing it I don’t feel particularly happy or disappointed about it. I’m just like “Oh yeah.. I guess it has been a while” I cannot imagine a life with sobriety when it’s not really something that has existed much of my life to begin with. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1668,"Title: Can't really think of anything good to say Text: here's a summary of my current situation: * i'm about to fail university * i never had any friends, i never leave my room, i've practically forgotten how to speak * almost everything around me is made with the abuse of people and animals, so i wouldn't want to live in a world like this one, even if everything else in my life were in order * i can't imagine ever getting a job. i don't know where i'd even start, and i don't trust anyone enough to ask them to help me my point is, i don't have any reasons for sticking around, and i have plenty of reasons not to stick around. i just wish i knew a way to kill myself that's not too hard, and has a low risk of failing (hint, hint) edit: i'm sorry for posting this here. i don't know what answers i'm looking for, but i doubt you people can give them to me For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1669,"Title: I don't want you to know when I do so Text: People think of me as having so much potential. I just was wondering what to do with my life if I ever lose my job. I have no money at all right now. If I did kill myself, I don't want the people I love and adore know what I did. I don't want to disappoint people. I want to keep living but like I'm still struggling with my trauma. I'm scared of being scolded and that has lead me to drop calls which is a grave mistake in this industry. I don't want to die or lose my job because I still want to be able to see my crush at work everyday and also I really want to make it in life. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1670,"Title: watching people live the life you so badly want... that shit hurts Text: i cant have what other people have no matter how hard i try. i just wanna be independent, loved, beautiful, social... like i wanna be fucking normal. i dont want to think about offing myself every second of every day. i dont want to be lonely anymore. i dont want to be ugly anymore. id rather embrace the unknown than live a life of torture For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1671,"Title: I can't,only reason why I am I still here is bc of what whoud my parents do to eachother if I kms Text: My mom is crazy,she hates me and I can't be with her anymore.My cousin khs last year and we all know it's bc of his parents.My mom has been ruind since then. She hates me and I can't forgive her.My grades are bad and that's one of the reasons,but I just can't be better.She doesn't care bc I can't bc she can't have „depressed crazy 12 yo who is good for nothing” I don't have any motivation to live. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1672,"Title: How do I leave. Text: Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost a year and we live together. We moved into together after only being together for a month. I was living with my mom and her abusive boyfriend and he had me move in with him so I don't have to deal with him. It was really good the first couple of months but the relationship is being toxic and he is starting to drink. It's to the point that he is drunk every night. He recently started getting physically. He hits in the face and pinches me until I get bruises. I hide them for my family and the people I work with. I'm not allowed to see my friends or family without him. I don't know what to do. I don't have a car or my driver's license and he takes me to work. I love my job and I don't want to leave, it's my dream job. I have told him that I'm unhappy in the relationship and he told me if I leave that he would kill me. He owns 3 guns, a hand gun and two rifles. I'm so scared. What should I do, how do I leave. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1673,"Title: I want to die Text: I’m sat in front of the ocean right now. Contemplating how much better the world would be without me. I saw a news article a long time ago. She striped naked and swam in the ocean. Never to be seen alive again. This has always stuck with me. If I go this seems like the way I would like to go.. 6 beers in im weighing the pros and cons. The pros. A lot of money for my family. They won’t have to worry for a long time. They can have a nice house. My kids are young (3) they won’t remember me. I can be replaced. Cons; I won’t see my kids grow old. I won’t see graduation or be able to hear their laughs again. Overall I want to kill my self. I’m too much of a pussy tho. Death scares me. Please give me motivation!!!!!!! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1674,"Title: Being threatened after exposing him to his employer - What next? Public Ousting? Text: I am a part of an online NFT buying community (As a customer) An employee from the community offered to host me when he found out I was backpacking through his country. We were going to talk shop and make some online content to share for the businesses and I felt totally safe knowing his girlfriend would be there and I'd meet her too. When he picked me up from the bus stop his girlfriend wasnt there. When asked he said he'd been really busy and just had a small fight with her so they hadnt had a chance to talk about it, but he'd tell her tomorrow, Tomorrow came and he took me out to meet his family.... but again hadnt yet told her. As I'm leaving the families house he starts prepping everyone that when we do it again we all need to pretend we're meeting for the first time so his girlfriend doesnt get upset (I mean WTF? He's wanting his 14yo niece and 7yo nephew to be in on this pretend game). To make it worse it's Venezuela which has pretty much zero tourism, it was a huge event for his family to meet a tourist! In the car on the way back to his I told him this is giving me huge anxiety and I need him to promise to tell his girlfriend as it's quickly blowing up into something it shouldnt be. He promised he would tell her first thing in the morning. I only had 1 more night there. I also wasnt allowed to tell the online community that I was there until his girlfriend knew so I was feeling awkward about all the secrets. So on the final night, he makes a move on me. I reject him, and he gets super intense and super aggressive. He's demanding to know exactly why I'm refusing to sleep with him and ""You have a girlfriend"" is not god enough. ""Am I too black? Am I too latino? Am I too stupid?"" For hours straight getting more and more angry. At this point I'm too scared to say anything more. I tell him I'm going to bed and thank god there's a lock on my door. Every half hour he knocks begging to come in, and also I get a text asking to let him in. I yell out to leave me alone I'm trying to sleep. (Please note, being Venezuela it's not like there's a hotel down the road or a way I'm aware of to leave and find safe accom in the night - I'm pretty stuck). In the morning I try to pretend like nothing happened giving him a chance to redeem himself but he is aggressive toward me. He drives me to my next accomodation (Which is staying with a friends famioy) and barges in and tells them all for an hour and a half how stupid I am (Everyone is like who the hell is this guy and why is he in here). Eventually he drives off. As he's a public representative of this company, and applying for a role where he would be the leader of all latino in person meet-ups, completely unsupervised, I end up encouraged by my friends to report him, and I do. The company collect evidence from both sides, and are not very responsive, but then today I get a text from him. It says that my accusations have made real damage to him and his life, he's taking it to court and the next message I'll get from him will be from his lawyers. Then he says he hopes I don't run away from the country and it's time to have real justice with real judges. I've immediately sent this to his company, but not sure what other steps to take. Part of me wants to publicly oust him for what he's done and share out text history which is very incriminating for him. The other part thinks to stay quiet and hopefully the company chooses to give him the boot so no other female has to go through this. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 1675,"Title: I dont know if im depressed or numb to everything Text: So a little backstory, M 19, my whole life ive had a terrible relationship with my parents, never felt loved by either of them. A couple years ago they sent me to a therapist. Therapy didnt do shit because i dont want to have a relationship with my parents due to how they raised me. My whole life ive never really felt depressed but sometimes i go into these really depressive moods that last about a week. Ive also never genuinely felt happiness or had someone that actually loved me. I’m scared im numb to everything. I stopped watching porn and it didnt help. Im thinking about getting rid of all social media to see if it helps. I have a lot of friends and some long time close friends that i see almost everyday. I can never keep a relationship with a girl because i have terrible separation issues and am too scared to get attached. My friends and music are the only thing that can bring me genuine joy. Everyone of my friends say im the one that is a ride or die, the one that will stick with them to the end, but i know nobody will do the same for me. I just want to feel something. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1676,"Title: How to communicate with someone who has depression? Text: I've a groupmate who is depressed. Now she throws this word around jokingly, but i see her taking meds and i take it very seriously when someone is already diagnosed. Now, we've a group project that i mostly just did by myself as to not bother her. I just ask for some financial support from my groupmates and her, so i can at least say that they did something and contributed. But it's when she thinks the world revolves around her that annoys me. She thinks thats throwing the words ""i am depressed"" excuses her from all responsibilities and therefore condemning us, her groupmates. Bare in mind that we are not that close, we're only talking because we were grouped together. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1677,"Title: Help me feel sane Text: My boyfriend and I just moved in several months ago. I should have noticed the red flags but I ignored them. He is constantly in fits of rage. He gets mad that I put the dishes away wrong and throws my computer across the room. I accidentally knocked his plant over (it was fine) and he kicked my bicycle and broke it. He constantly explodes into fits of rage over things like the wifi not working and the neighbors complain. When I get frustrated and scream at him to stop he calls me crazy. I need someone to tell me I’m not. I need someone to tell me it’s okay to leave. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1678,"Title: I decided to leave him tonight Text: Can I get an opinion? And this is fresh so please don’t be mean because I’m sensitive and I just need to get this out of my system. Possible trigger warning physical abuse So my SO was sleeping beside me in my full size bed.. he drank tonight and sweats in his sleep when he drinks. Well he just really stunk honestly and his breath was terrible and smelled like alcohol and I could smell it. That’s a trigger for me and it really grosses me out. I tapped him and asked him to turn the other way.. no response, I didn’t wake him up I guess. So I shook him and he didn’t wake up. I shook him and talked a bit louder and he was irritated bc I woke him up but I couldn’t sleep this way and I have to wake up early for college. He kicked me but I thought maybe it was a half asleep thing. I would like to add I have new ear piercings and I couldn’t turn the other way because of them, I can’t sleep on them. Anyway he ended up turning towards me rather than the other way and I said no the other way and I told him his breath smelled like alcohol and it was making me feel sick. Well he got mad and started calling me names mumbling under his breath and didn’t move. I just asked him again “please turn the other way.” Well he ended up finally turning his back to me and then continued to just say mean things and I told him I just wanted him to face the other way so I could sleep too. He turned around and spit in my face and continued to say mean stuff . I start crying and wipe his spit off my face. Well he does it again while im crying and he’s done this before. I slapped him because I was just tired of the disrespect. Bad idea. He grabbed my head and my ear and then hit me and then punched me in my head. I’m crying and he’s like telling me to stop basically. Hard to remember. He’s like acting as if I’m crying for no reason and telling me to stop and I’m scared he’s ganna hit me again so I can’t even stop crying. I have a bump on my forehead now but no one can see it. I am just really upset and I’m scared of him. I was honestly scared to wake him up but I wanted to share the bed tonight so I didn’t think me tapping him and asking him to turn the other way would end this way. I’ve had a lot of trauma that involved alcohol and the smell upsets me sometimes. ): I don’t feel justified for slapping him I just wanted him to stop spitting on me and verbally abusing m For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1679,"Title: Going to a court hearing/trial for a Domestic Violence Protective Order that I filed against my wife, what should I expect? Text: I have a Domestic Violence Protective Order against my wife. She counter claimed a DVPO against me afterwards that was also granted. There is now a trial where we both are to present our cases. We both have lawyers. What can I expect from this trial? What gotchas should I be aware of? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1680,"Title: Two years since it happened...what I need help with now Text: Two years ago today, I went on my third date with a guy I met on a dating app. This 'date' turned dark quickly, with me in this guys basement, struggling for an hour to show him that I wasn't interested in having sex, and then an hour of rape and trying to disassociate from it. I have been through many phases since then. I moved away from the country/city where it happened a few days afterwards, telling no one what happened, not even my family that I lived with. Around January of this year I did 6 sessions of therapy, where we did a reliving exercise, and tried to replace my old thoughts with new ones. I think this did help in some ways, accept that I played no role, that I shouldn't blame myself or look at myself differently - which I had done until that point. I got into a new relationship at the end of last year, and spent 3-4 months trying to push him away, despite him being a great person. I was worried about being hurt in any way, and didn't want anyone to have any power over my emotions or stability - other than me. We have now been together all year so far, and there are some things I cannot figure out how to cope with. Now that the anniversary of it all has happened, things feel like they are bubbling up and I'm really struggling. I told my boyfriend what happened a couple months ago and he has been very understanding and supportive, but there are somethings I feel he doesn't understand. 1. I am struggling with wanting to control every single thing in my life and in his life. I feel anxious about things that don't require anxiety, like him going out with his coworkers after work (esp females). It makes me feel like theres a risk of something uncomfortable happening, someone saying something to him that I wouldn't like, and when I have this fear and I share with him that I feel anxious, I don't know where that anxiety stems from. If its from my want of control - how do i get over this? I can't control anyone but myself, he hasnt done anything wrong for me to assume the worst, but I constantly find myself assuming the absolute worst. I feel like if I think about the worst thing that could happen, and anything happens, then I won't be hurt. I just feel like im self-sabotaging this relationship with my anxiety. I didn't have these issues before, and theyre drowning me now. 2. I want to push my boyfriend away. I feel like I'm finding issues where there are none, looking for them, hunting for something to pick on. Why do I want to ruin this relationship when I feel like I have this great person who cares about me? I feel like I want to ruin it before its ruined by him or someone else (as if thats the only outcome). I do have a small history of being cheated on but not by someone I loved, but still I see the insecurity from that come up still. Overall, I feel like I'm not able to handle the feeling of not having control of my life. It's a big reason as to why I wanted to stay single because it feels impossible to let go. I've spent the past two days on and off crying and I feel like I'm moving backwards in my life - despite the things I know I've achieved since it happened - being intimate with someone, having a relationship, opening up to people about it. I know I've done things, but sometimes I think about who I used to be, and I wish I could just be her again. And I worry that I never will be. Can anyone help me? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1681,"Title: I will attempt tonight Text: I don’t know if I’ll die, but I hope I do :’) lol For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1682,"Title: Student Athlete Sexual Assault Trial Next Week Text: I was sexually assaulted by a student athlete in my apartment in late August. The big hearing where he pleads or takes a plea deal is next week and I feel constant anxiety about it. People have been saying that I'm really lucky to have a court case. I guess in a way I am, but pardon me if I don't feel like I'm lucky. The media and comment sections have berated me about every little detail. I went through a six hour rape kit where they took pictures of every bruise he inflicted to my arms and neck. I retold a really painful story seven times over four different days to prove that my story is consistent. I have countless witnesses that saw me right after. I reported it immediately. The case is only going to get more coverage next week, and I don't know if I'll be able to handle one more ""Why did no one hear her?"" or ""Did she not even try to fight back?"" I know they don't have access to the crime scene pictures of all of my injuries, but it really hurts to read people standing up for the monster that has ruined me. It's just because he's an athlete. Apparently, the Jamaican team wants him to compete for them in the Olympics, but he can't compete if he's charged with a felony. The trial is next week. My roommate saw him out riding his bike the other day with his teammates. He was apparently laughing and having a good time, even though he was violating his bail terms by being within a three block radius of my apartment. I live in fear that he'll try to see me. He knows where I live, what I look like, and what my car looks like. His teammates and all of his friends know where I live and what I look like. I LIVE IN THE APARTMENT COMPLEX THE STUDENT ATHLETES ARE HOUSED IN!! They're everywhere and they all hate me. If he gets convicted, I'm afraid one of them will hurt me. So yes, I'm lucky that I have enough evidence to convict. However, this feels like a different kind of hell I have been dropped into just because I want someone who assaulted me to receive a punishment. Never question why a woman would not prosecute her rapist. This shit sucks. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1683,"Title: attempted sh Text: I just got from work. It' really late here and when I got off to street some drunk guy attempted to grab my butt as he walked by. Fortunately I moved a bit at the same time, so he hit my bag with his hand. And he hit it pretty hard. I wanted to walk home before this, but tbh I felt really scared and had to call a taxi. I tried to tell my collegue, but he didn't believe the drunk guy tried to grab me, but I am positive he did... I think I just need to get it out of my system for now and thats why I am making this post. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 1684,"Title: does anyone wanna chat? Text: Dm me For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1685,"Title: Why tf did I do it Text: Okay so Ik this might not be good to say or whatever but I fucking hate that I did this to myself if you look at my profile the banner is open cuts on my leg and a decent bit of blood so if you click then be careful and if your triggered by anything like that or have been before please don’t click but I hate that I did that and stuff ab 100x worse ab a month ago but screw that because also I’m a month clean and there’s gonna be a separate post ab that. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 1686,"Title: Today I filed for Divorce, reported domestic abuse and took my life back! Text: I'm in my own place now and after the death of my kitten yesterday I finally woke up and thought no. I am not doing it any more. If they hadn't killed my cat I probably wouldn't have spoken out. But today I sat for 5 hours giving an interview. I feel like the world has been lifted. Time to move on. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1687,"Title: I don't know what to do, I'm becoming more tired and reckless. Text: So, recently I've probably been either experiencing tiredness, lack of water or who knows. But the weird thing is whenever I think of bad things whether it being hurting myself in some way or feeling not good enough my limbs and body, just... weaken. Like sometimes to the point where I can't stand or open my eyes. Only when thinking bad things, when I'm okay it stops being so difficult to move. A few days ago, I wanted to hurt my friends, I wont say in what ways.. I felt bad. I didn't want to think those thoughts. I don't even know why I'm getting to this point either. Like.. Why only now has my thoughts it spiked up this bad? Will it get worse? I.. I need help. Yet I barely ask my friends for that help at all. Heh, who's to say I should? I barely speak to any of them in a consistent manner. Even the one's I care for. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1688,"Title: I was harassed and recorded Text: okay so what happened was today at work this large group of like 8 thirteen year olds comes into my work and were super loud and inappropriate. i was kind and rung up their order for them, totally ignoring the behavior because it hadn't become a problem. once they get their food, one of the boys starts saying all this inapropriate things to me (like actions) that he was asking me if id done it and if id do it to them. i asked them to stop and that they had to leave and they kept screaming louder to do an even worse act and i said if they didnt leave id call the police. they then asked for my manager because i told them to leave. during this whole thing another kid was recording. I told him do not record me or i will call the police. This made me so mad!! i already hate my job enough as it is and dont get paid enough to deal with this bs! why do people feel the need to be so disgusting and vile. im literally just a 19 yr old trying to get by and didnt need this. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 1689,"Title: sh scars and gyno appointment Text: im going to my fist gynecologist appointment and all of my scars are on my hips and thighs so the doctor will probably notice. even though I'm freshly 18 im going there with my mom for moral support. she doesn't know I sh. the doctor has no right to tell my mom or to interfere, since im an adult, right? she cant like tell somebody that'll send into a psych ward or something like that, right? i just need reassurance... For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 1690,"Title: Can you get clean without therapy? Text: I've been self harming since I was 12 (18 now), but it's quickly gotten worse in the past 2 years and I'm basically addicted at this point. I know I should get clean and it's healthier to not self harm, but I really don't want to stop. I don't have much of my own money and my parents have no idea about my mental health issues. I don't really have many options for therapy or counseling. The only accessible thing I can think of is university health services, but they will inform my parents if I disclose the self harm. I can't go out of the house without my parents knowing, and I'm really bad at lying. Currently my plan is to hold on to self harm until I'm maybe 25 and am financially independent enough to pay for my own mental health support. But I'm no longer sure if I'll even make it to 25. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 1691,"Title: Stuck in a negative head space Text: I’m 22F and I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression for the last 4 years. I’m writing this today solely because I feel I can’t share this with anyone in my life. I am constantly in a negative headspace. I genuinely feel like a failure even though I’m doing just as good as my peers. This is taking a severe toll on my relationship with my 24M partner. He’s going through his own problems and I feel so unhelpful because I can’t get over my own issues. I’ve had two panic attacks over the last month and I’ve called a crisis support helpline twice. I want to be there for him but I can’t seperate myself from my own issues. I don’t know what to do to better myself and get out of this negative headspace. Should I seek therapy? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1692,"Title: am I stupid for feeling like this because of a girl? Text: obvious answer would probsbly be a yes. I always think that I shouldn't have been so vulnerable and let it effect me so much but I just gotta know, I feel like an idiot or a weirdo for letting a girl fuck me up so much, especially since its a cringe teenage relationship but I honestly really liked her, now I'm addicted to harming myself and I'm always miserable, is it normal to feel like this from a relationship at such a young age? it was 2 months ago since we broke up. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1693,"Title: My Friend and Her Friend Text: So last night I was hanging out with some friends and two of my girl friends had to go tot the restroom and went across the street to the shell station. When they got there they were approached by an older gentleman that started asking them for directions and a ride. Then he kept on asking more and more questions that started getting sexual. As he was doing this he was just randomly giving them money. He had asked them for their names and emails for something and that’s when I came into the gas station. We then ran across the street where we were and didn’t see the guy after that. My questions are,should they be worried they gave the man the real names and fake emails and is there anything I can do to make sure they feel safe since they think he’s gonna stalk them? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1694,"Title: Do you ever just lie in bed, thinking how different your life COULD be and imagining all the possibilities instead of actually going out there and doing them? Text: I do. I know it's a lot easier than getting stuff done and I wouldn't be able to get half the stuff I want done done anyways. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1695,"Title: Struggling and want to take a more positive outlook, but I don’t know how Text: Part of me feels bad even posting this, because there are some people on here dealing with problems so much greater than mine. I’m just not sure where else to turn at the moment. Over the past month and a half or so, my (22F) mental health has fallen. I’ve had a lot of more minor things going on (moving in with gf, dealing with parental relationships, looking for a job, getting settled In apartment, getting robbed lol), but more significantly, overshadowing all of that, my dad had a stroke. Luckily he survived and is in recovery, however it has taken up large chunks of my time, which obviously was not anticipated. With all of this happening, I’ve felt extremely overwhelmed, and am constantly busying myself to distract myself from my emotions. It all came crashing down (to an extent) today after an argument I had with my girlfriend. We talked after, and I realized, truly for the first time, that I am depressed. I graduated college in May and have since left almost all of my friends. I no longer am apart of the extracurriculars that gave me so much joy. I’m living with my girlfriend, and all of her friends live in the area, and they have been extremely welcoming to me. However, I have really, really missed my old friends, the ones I’ve known for longer than a month and knew me as me, not as someone else’s partner. And after the stroke, I’ve felt as though I haven’t had time to really process that grief. It’s nice to have people here in any sense, but I feel sad, more than I have in a long time, and I want to finally confront it. I feel like I want to fix this and don’t know how. Logically I know it won’t be immediate, but I guess I just wanted advice on what to do. I need hobbies and my own people, but I also just need to figure out how to have a positive lens on life again, after having fallen into this negative one, and I think that is what will be the most difficult part. TLDR: struggling mentally and missing friends, affecting my relationship, and want to figure out how to have a positive lens on life again For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1696,"Title: Annoying subconscious-How do you stop it? Text: I (f33) have been married to my husband (m45) for almost 2 years now. We are far from perfect but we don’t have a lot of issues, we don’t argue or fight. There are no trust issues and It’s been pretty smooth sailing since I met him in 2019. However, since before we got married, I have a reoccurring nightmare of him leaving me/divorcing me. He won’t give me a reason and me crying and trying to show him I love him doesn’t change his mind and I will wake up crying and feeling terrible. He reassures me that it will never happen and I know it makes him feel bad because he has never given me a reason to fear this and no matter how much he has told me it won’t happen, I will have the dream every few months. I’m no psychologist but I would say this is a subconscious fear of being left that keeps showing up. Has anyone dealt with this fear and overcome it? This is honestly the first person that has ever treated me like he treasures me and makes me feel loved all the time. If he was a dirtbag I would probably expect to have insecurities but maybe I just don’t think I deserve him. Lastly, my husband is a firefighter and I think this could also be related to fear of losing him in an accident or in the line of duty. I would never expect him to leave his job and it doesn’t bother me outwardly but maybe I am internalizing the fear I have of losing him because of his job? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1697,"Title: Question Text: Is it rape if someone who is sober engages in sexual intercourse with one who is under the influence of alcohol? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1698,"Title: Is it sexual harrassment Text: If the owner of your job massages your shoulders without permission? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 1699,"Title: 6 years since I tried Text: 6 years today. I regret that I didn't work back then. I live in pain. I have nothing to keep going for. I juat keep going through the motions. I cant live with the hurt any longer. I dont want to For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","suicideideation_active_past, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 1700,"Title: Finally I found a place now my life can begin! Text: DV took the past 14 years from me. I am always thinking about why I decided to stay with this man and the red flags that I noticed but decided to ignore. Now after six denials I have finally been approved and I put the deposit down on an apartment today! I am so excited and I feel great. I am a bit nervous because this is going to cost every dime that I have. But at least I am out! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1701,"Title: How to sleep? Text: TL;DR Please give me sleeping tips. I have just recently been diagnosed with a depression on top of my already existing burn-out. Daily, I try to follow a healthy rhythm when it comes to getting out of bed, having breakfast, going for a walk etc., but I oftentimes find myself sleeping approximately four hours a night, which makes it difficult to maintain that rhythm. Last night, I slept one hour. Literally one. I try listening to sleep-podcasts, do breathing exercises, cut screens (phone, television…) before bedtime, I try and walk in the evening (though I don’t always get myself to do this, honestly)… Do any of you have any tips? They’re more than welcome. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1702,"Title: Detectives reopening my cold case Text: Hi there. First time posting here & honestly I'm not sure how I feel. My case against my ex husband has been ""cold"" since Covid started. Long story short, I married my highschool sweetheart, he was an amazing partner until, well, he decided to take the mask off 5 years in.. He was a cheater, and abused me verbally, emotionally, physically and sexually. Raped me often and I reported it over and over, but they said they couldn't force charges against someone I was married to. Countless police reports and calls, and they let him go Everytime. Because of his job, He has strong ties within the community and law enforcement. They over looked everything.. when I finally got away from him, the stalking began. He even broke into my home and had placed hidden GoPro cameras in my bedroom. He threatened to kill me and our children often and even bragged to others about it. He escalated and escalated. Finally in 2017, I escaped him safely with my children. The threats and stalking continued, and in 2018 a detective took my case and started looking into things. Unfortunately, she did nothing with it and actually told me there's no evidence of anything and closed my case. I've been devastated, forced to co parent with my abuser and rapist and he's out here living his best life above the law, not being held accountable for anything. I was depressed, suffering with debilitating PTSD, I eventually had to move on because life continues, right? It had to. I actually got remarried, and I'm expecting a new baby with my husband, I'm doing well despite the fact that I'm still forced to coparent with this terrible man and have had to call DCF multiple times over things he's done to my children. Like always, he gets away with it. Today, out of nowhere, I get a call. A new detective wants to reopen my cold case and start investigating to push over to the state attorney's office for charges. I'm dumbfounded. I'm meeting with her next week to go over everything. I'm honestly all over the place with emotions. Thankfully I have it all in a box that I've kept in my attic. Police reports, images of injuries, witness statements. I just don't know what to think or what I'm supposed to expect. I just want justice. But I'm scared. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","domesticviolence_past, rape_past" Question 1703,"Title: Social outcast 101 Text: Hello. So I broke up with my ex about four month ago and she already has a new bf. I wish I could find a gf that easy but I can’t. I’m really really sad. Any one have tips on how to meet girls? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1704,"Title: not alone but very lonely Text: I'm married, Older white dude.... I live with my wife but she has her space and I have mine. Most nights I feel terribly alone. I don't have any close friends I feel I can just call up and chat with. I crave human intimacy. It's always worse this time of year when I finish working my seasonal job bartending. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1705,"Title: enforcing Restraining Order question Text: please help! the police aren’t doing anything when i call to report my abusive ex boyfriend violating the restraining order i have against him. i had legal aid but we closed out the case after the court date - that should have been the end of that. but two months later there’s been 7 violations and nothing has happened. they said they could simply document it. can anyone tell me if i could go to the court to report these violations? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1706,"Title: awareness vs normalizing sh (?) Text: i feel like its always ""mental health awareness"" until its about sh. because spreading awareness or sharing experiences about it online is just ""normalizing it"" and we should all keep it to ourselves or something. i got in an argument about that problem a few weeks ago (i cant find the ss), someone made a tiktok that got something like 10k likes and they argued that sh isnt a coping mechanism at all for anybody ever. like what is it then? why do y'all do it then? for funzies? no completely fine person does that shit. i dont get it. (the person in specific made a tiktok about how theres so many videos about sh and how its bad or something that people are venting publicly, idk) maybe im the only one thats kind of baffled by this topic, but either way idk. is there a way u can even normalize sh? like sorry a lot of people are depressed, its not my fault that im like this, and i don't think talking about it publicly normalizes it or makes it seem like its a mentally okay thing to do. idk, maybe im totally wrong For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1707,"Title: Rubber band alternative method :P Text: More extreme thoughts later and I couldn't take it. I had decided to do the rubber band alternative method on my arm, since i have some near me and it was a method a social worker and I discussed a few years ago. I use to do deepish scratching on my thigh use to be my preferred method. Pain lasts awhile, easy to hide. I didn't expect the rubber band to leave marks, but it's leaving a ton I hope they go away by the morning. It wasn't working well at first. the pain is brief aand mild, I have to do it again and again. With my original method I could just dig my nails into my thighs or scratch some (I would cut my nails into a point to be able to scratch deeper than normal) and it would be enough but looks like I might be doing this for awhile. My mind never stops moving and the pain is a nice relief from it. Being able to just only focus on the pain is amazing. The more I do it the longer the pain lasts. I wish it never stops. I can just take a second to close my eyes and enjoy the quite. My one hiccup for this method is the visablity. (forgot have dermagraphism :P) I can't get a rubber band over my thigh so I gotta do it on the lower arm which is a visible place. Started on my future phalloplasty arm (big mistake) them marks don't look like they are going away so ig I am wearing long sleeves around the family tomorrow. Switched to my other arm but now I have done it so much it's not as much pain anymore which is really annoying and I fear I need to do something more than this. Literary just did it and the pain only lasts like 10 seconds. What the fuck this is supposed to last longer Thanks for listening For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1708,"Title: 2200mg diphenhydramine and a bottle of whiskey Text: I want to die. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1709,"Title: Inappropriate behavior in my new job Text: This is such a tough subject, but I'm finding some courage thanks to other posts. I started a new job a few months ago. The past few years have been difficult financially and this job is paying better than anything I've had in years. It can be difficult to find a suitable job as I have some health issues that limit me. Between the pay, benefits, great hours, I felt so lucky. When I started in my position, my boss was so appreciative to have help. He's very accommodating and supportive and seemed like a great boss. Unfortunately, I'm starting to get to know him better and things aren't always what they seem. It started with him saying that I should just let him know if I'm bothered by anything he says. I didn't think too much of it as I thought he meant swearing, which I don't mind at all... But he meant much more. First, the things he said were to other people. It made me a little uncomfortable, but I'm not one to judge other people and if that's their relationship, who am I to say anything? But then he said some of these same things to me. For example, I was choking on my lunch and I explained I suffered from esophageal stricture (narrowing of the esophagus), which can cause difficulty swallowing, causing me to choke or even vomit... His response, ""don't worry, if you pass out, I'll take advantage of you."" I laughed, nervously, just completely stunned and unsure of what else to say. I wish I had been brave and I told him that it wasn't funny, but I didn't and now I kind of feel like it's my fault for not saying something right away. Now he feels like it's okay, like I gave my permission and I don't know how undo it. I know he said to tell him, but I'm scared of how it's going affect my job. To add to this, everyone loves him. Everyone tells me how lucky I am to work with him. He talks like this way with a lot of the women and they don't seem bothered. I talked with one that I've become good friends with and she isn't really bothered by it - I think she kind of likes the attention, but she understands my discomfort. She thinks I should just say something to him. I've also found out now that he actually propositioned her. She declined and he let it go, but as they are both married, it makes me question his integrity further. I try not to judge other people's lives, but as this is spilling on to me, I can't help but factor that in. Another thing I need to add is about the workplace itself. It's an industry that has been more male-dominated in the past. Of course, times are changing, but there's still a sense of the good ol boy club in the leadership. I had concerns about one of the main leaders in my first week of orientation as he discussed sexual harrassment in the workplace. He emphasized the importance of investigating any allegations because of the liability that could be involved, not because of the impact of incident. It was as if he only saw it from the business standpoint. He then went on to provide examples that all ended up blaming the woman in some way or another. One dressed provacatively, so that was her fault. Another had certainly made it up because it wasn't proven. This man is my boss's boss. I've also come know that they are pretty good friends, so I feel fairly powerless in reporting anything. Given his reputation, likability, friendliness with the boss, I feel like they'd go through the motions of investigating, but I don't feel confident that anyone would actually back me up. Also, given the fact I'm so new impacts my credibility over his. Who's going to listen to the newbie? Logically, I know that what he's doing isn't right, but I constantly doubt myself. It's like he's Bill Cosby and I'm some unknown actress trying to break into the business. I think he knows he's in the wrong, that's why tries to absolve his behavior by saying that I (and others) can tell him if we're uncomfortable. It feels like he's gaslighting me into feeling like I've consented because I don't have to guts to speak up. I feel so hopeless about the situation. Part of me feels like I should just cut my losses and find another job. I am literally having dreams about running away from my life, which I know stem from the stress of this. Part of me feels like I need to be strong and fight and be a good example for my daughter. I would be enraged if she had to deal with this, but it's hard to fight for myself. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 1710,"Title: The real mind of the men that says good bye Text: M24 everyday I wear a smile on my face when I just wanna cry. I say hello with a smile and talk happily but inside I just wanna say my final good bye. I got friends and family but they all lie saying no matter what they will be there for me in the end I just get thrown to the side and left to die until they need someone who will be there by there side. I've never kept friends as they leave me behind for there new people that I can't compare to they are hyper , loving and caring things I can be but no one wants to see that anymore I'm like a rose in the shade left to die. My bff/gf said once she hates lies so I trusted her she lied to me and justified it as we have private lives. She never hesitated to treat others better then me once she got new I was old and replaceable. This ain't the last goodnight but I wish it was my final goodbye. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1711,"Title: I feel very accomplished after self harm and it kind of scares me Text: I have bpd and adhd so accomplishing tasks that I perceive as intimidating is extremely difficult and when I fail to complete said tasks I become very angry with myself and HAVE to self harm. I believe my procrastination makes me an undeserving human being and so I have to punish my self. My self harm is also gradually getting worse. It used to be where I wouldn't be able to pass my pain threshold but now if I do, I only feel bliss. I also used to try to keep my self harm to a minimum so no one would notice and I wouldn't have to explain my scars.(not that anyone would care anyway lol I live with my mom and the first time she noticed she told me to stop because I didn't have a reason to LMAO, peak parenting) But I have gotten to a point where the damage is visible and I dont see my self stopping. I have started scratching my skin off instead of cutting so I could pass it off as a chemical burn but people will notice when it gets progressively worse. I am in therapy but honestly I feel guilty when my emotions are validated because in my head I'm like ""they dont know that im a bad person so this doesn't apply"". I have talked to my therapist about this and she gives great advice but it still eats away at me. I am very scared of what I am becoming. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1712,"Title: I can’t stop thinking about this one random cute guy who looked over and smiled at me Text: I just walking and he was driving waiting at a red light. I kinda like felt his eyes on me and looked over at him and he just made then held eye contact and smiled at me. It gave me so many butterflies in my stomach Then the light changed and he drove away. It’s been days and I can’t get his face out of my head. I literally dreamt about moving in with him into a super cute lil farm house last night it’s that bad. I hate how much power cute guys have over me For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1713,"Title: I was raped/molest years ago and still think about it Text: Im a m 24 now and even years later I still think about it For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1714,"Title: They make you feel like SHIT for leaving Text: He sent me 36 texts since midnight yesterday. He had me in a chokehold last night. He beat me 3x this week. I hate him. He says I dont care. I spent $8k caring, in a year. He says he needs someone who isnt going to say she hates him. Who is going to help him break his feedback loop. I went to hell and back a million times to try to make it all okay. He shits on every exhausting effort I made like a fool. Every time I stutter from the beatings. Every time I woke up at 4 am from flashbacks. Every time he choked me or beat my head driving or called me a cunt for hiding in a ball on the bathroom floor. I dont want to go home. He will not be there. I will lay and hate myself and him and hurt and smell the festering wreck he lefy behind. And is deleting from the history books. The story is I am all bad. She who just wanted a baby and love. Baby kicks so hard. I have messed up so bad and am so much more lost than Captain Dan in Forrest Gump. THIS ... is a storm. Silent in the big fat black eye. Had a teddy bear I cuddled with, for safety. He dumped it outside. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1715,"Title: Just feeling alone, un heard, ignored, etc Text: I don’t know if anything will happen, but had the urge to make a post. Probably just me wanting to say something and put it out there. Idk, as of late I’ve felt very unheard, alone, and so on. I work with kids in the day, so I have to act a certain way and have the kids work. If not, I can get in trouble for not doing my best to help the kids learn. In the evening I work for a college, but most of the time I’m alone and watching it get dark earlier and earlier while I sit at my computer. I am a part of a few online community’s, but often get ignored since I don’t have certain things to share or say like many others do. I often want to run away from these community’s, but usually end up crawling back. I don’t really know what I’m doing anymore. I want to reach out in hopes that someone will talk, but I’ll get scared I may raise my hopes just to end up in despair. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1716,"Title: I need some advice on hiding scars Text: I’m required to wear shorts for gym class but I’m worried about people seeing my scars/cuts my teacher got mad at me for wearing pants but it’s the only thing that hides them. if anyone has any ideas please let me know For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1717,"Title: research - free online session targeted to help survivors' mental well-being (mod-approved) Text: Hi everyone, With a group of psychologists, we developed a free online session targeted to help survivors' mental well-being. Since we are continuously learning and trying to improve how we can help you, we are currently searching for volunteers to test out this new session. Are you interested to test out this new mental well- being session? Then please follow this link: [https://rug.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV\_6RHUNbgUv52nBVY](https://rug.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_6RHUNbgUv52nBVY) Thank you in advance! I wish you all the best! livoliv Department of Psychology University of Groningen For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1718,"Title: To the sweet grocery lady who inquired me about my self harm scars Text: Thankyou from the bottom of my heart. No one, and I mean no one, has ever had the courage or discernment/mental health awareness to comment on them. I would consider my scars prominent, because it intrudes deep purple/red all over my left arm. I've gone in public a myriad of times, yet you're the only one who took the initiative to ask; in a empathic and accommodating way. You said you understood because you've been through similar ordeals, that I am sorry too. I would have said that but I was too taken aback from the gratitude I had. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 1719,"Title: Was I sexually harassed? Text: Hi everyone. Using a throwaway account because my husband uses Reddit and I’m too uncomfortable to come forward to anyone about this. In college (it was a Christian college) I had 2 different guys friends do the same thing to me at different times. They both would sit next to me REALLY close like thigh to thigh, hip to hip. This was in a room with several other people as well. I would keep acting normal and inch away every so often as we all carried on conversation. And the would continue sitting next to me like that. The second guy put his hand on my knee one time and I made up some excuse, got up and left the room. I’m still as uncomfortable thinking about it now, as I was then. So was that sexual harassment or something else? Thanks for reading For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 1720,"Title: idk anymore Text: I never found my place in anything, I used to search for communities or groups where I could fit but none of them worked out, so here I stand after uni with no friends and a family which barely functions as one. Never met anyone who wanted me, even when I actively tried to look. Every night I stare at the ceiling thinking what have I fucked up but never getting an answer. Only reaching a conclusion where I don't matter. After years and years happiness is but a dream at this point. Actively planning finally ending it. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1721,"Title: Feeling 'used' during and after sex? Text: TW: rape and sex I was raped in 2017. And I dealt with it quite well, except for the fact that I forced myself to just forget it for 1 year aka just kept silent. I didn't tell anyone back then. No one. Not even the friend whose uncle did it to me. Not even the internet. I have (had, we separated again) a long term boyfriend or on off boyfriend I guess since 7 years. And everytime after 2017 when we had sex, I would feel kind of distanced and like I'm being used. My boyfriend always made sure to show me his love even during the act. I told him about my rape in 2018 or 2019. And he really really was sweet, objectively, but I guess I feel that way as a whole? Especially when it's not flower sex. He would always look me in the eyes during and tell me he loves me, or give me compliments on my body or my eyes and everything and always reassure me that it's great and blablabla. Like, I couldn't imagine how he could have made me more comfortable. But somehow I still feel used. Maybe it's also partly because of porn? I don't watch it actively but in porn, women get mistreated a lot and as if they are just fuck dolls... and I am scared I am the same. And I feel so emotional and hurt. Last time I almost started crying after we did it. Might this be a response to eventual rape trauma? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1722,"Title: Do you ever feel like you're waiting for something to happen? Text: I've had this feeling for a few years now. It's like I'm waiting - and sometimes even feel a bit anxious - because something is approaching. Not necessarily bad, just something, like a change in things or an event. Just wondering if someone felt like this too. Sorry for grammar. Edit: Thank you for the award! * For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1723,"Title: Hello. I’ve never made a post like this or talked about it with anyone but I really just need to get it out. This is graphic. Text: I’m 16 now but 3 years ago I was repeatedly raped and molested by multiple boys who were in their 20’s at the time. They threatened to kill me and cut me up into pieces if I didn’t do what they asked. So anytime they wanted they would pick me up from my house or wherever I was and use me as they pleased. I realize now that there’s so much I could’ve done. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 1724,"Title: Not reported Text: I didn't report my rape, i don't know why. It happened two months ago, in a sort of party where was involved many people. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1725,"Title: My experience Text: I don't really know if this will help me or not to share my story, but I'm willing to give it a try. I'm not exactly clear about the time frame and can't remember how many years ago it happened, but it was somewhere between 2019 - 2021. I was heavily involved in the local songwriter music scene in Baton Rouge. A guy who was a known but not exactly a regular attendee, made his first move on me by messaging me one night on facebook after I had made a post to my story. It was pictures of me dressed up and I wrote that I was headed to NOLA to do absolutely nothing. (I enjoyed driving over there often but I never got out to do anything, I just enjoyed listening to my music. But that particular night I decided it would be fun to get dressed up so as to pretend I was having a luxurious fun Saturday night.) He messaged me and asked if he could come meet me over there (he also lived in Baton Rouge) and I said no. Mostly because we weren't friends, just acquaintances. He asked a few more times and I guess I broke down after a few tries and said sure. He was almost 2 hours late getting there. I waited 2 hours for someone I didn't really know just so we could ""hang out"". Now I can see how stupid that was. When he got there, he told me the address to meet him at, but when I arrived the restaurant was closed and it was already about 11 or midnight. Turns out, he wanted us to park there but walk next door to the Mason's cemetery. We hopped a fence and walked around for a bit. Then, we played some music and he started to record a few videos of himself playing. I realized how awkward I felt being so dressed up. I kept saying how, I should've worn pants. He then told me ""No, you look great."" So then, he wanted to walk to the roof of one of the bigger structures and when we got up there I was already feeling exhausted because I was out later than my usual time, and I was dizzy because we were up high and I have issues with heights. At some point, I said I was cold and started visibly shaking. I was initiating both verbally and with my body language that I wanted to head home.. but he dug through his bag and quickly threw a sweater over me and pulled me into a hug. In the moment, it seemed strange but I went with it because I liked feeling warm and honestly who doesn't enjoy a bear hug? Next thing I know, he was reaching under my dress and trying to finger me. I was scared but I said ok. And then that's when I pushed him off and tried to make another move to leave. I tried laughing so it didn't make it more awkward. He put me on the ground and proceeded to have unprotected aggressive and extremely painful sex with me until the sun came out. I was only conscious for 2 min before I passed out. I woke up randomly here and there but I was so disassociated from the situation and how tired I was and couldn't physically speak or push him off. I had zero control at that point. I heard people and a cop go by and he would just cover my mouth and say how hot it was that we were doing it like this and people were just down below. When he finally finished, I was so weak he had to put me on his back and carry me out. I got back in my car, didn't say anything but bye and proceeded to drive home. You know how when you're so tired you can't keep your eyes open? That was me and I lived an hour away from NOLA and I couldn't keep my eyes open. I stopped off on the next exit out and got a starbucks frap at a gas station (It was 5 or 6 am at this point) and I was completely covered in bruises, cuts and mud.. My jacket..my shoes.. everything. I looked like I had just buried a fucking body. I drove home. and threw all my clothes in the washing machine and slept for a few hours and then that was it. I can't tell you why I chose not to go get a rape kit done.. or why I didn't report him. I think I was too intimidated and I just didn't know what to do. I was all alone. My family was gone for the weekend. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1726,"Title: He’s acting like the victim Text: I finally had the balls to tell him not to touch me sexually anymore. And I also started voluntarily sleeping on the couch. Now tonight he’s crying and refusing a hot meal from his favorite place. It’s right in front of him and he won’t eat. BRO. YOU don’t let me leave my own house. YOU don’t let me have or see my female friend. YOU scream at me. YOU control me. YOU threaten me. YOU say you wish I was dead weekly. YOU rip me apart verbally when I stand up for myself. YOU tell me I’m nothing. YOU physically intimidate me. So yeah. YOU can sit there and deal with the fallout of your own doing. Let it sting. Let it torment you like you did to me. If this was love, you wouldn’t try so hard to destroy me and keep me in a box. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1727,"Title: It's my birthday today. Text: It's my birthday. I'm 30. I made an appointment with a psychologist today to help with my crippling self-image issues, perfectionism, and newfound lack of motivation or passion for things I used to love. I've talked to my husband about it and he is incredibly supportive, but I haven't told anyone else and feel very lonely. I didn't think this is what I'd be doing on my 30th birthday, but I am hoping I will thank myself for it on my 31st. Thanks for listening. EDIT: Thank you so much everyone for your support! It truly means so much to me to be able to share something like this and to receive so many positive responses. I have my first session in half an hour and I am getting so nervous for it, but all of the kindness I have received here is helping to keep me grounded. This is my first experience with this community, and I have to say you seem like an absolutely lovely bunch and I hope nothing but strength and peace for all of you. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1728,"Title: a moment, reflections about the act Text: First time posting here, hello! I'm on Reddit for a while, how could I have entered a community for all of my struggles, except for the one that has been with me for 12 years. So, here I am. Because I faced a situation today, and I need to share it with people who somehow understand. So, first part of My Selfharmer Diaries. (Note: I struggle with saying the exact words for the act of selfharm, like cutting, so I will be countering that). I (18F) was at a supermarket with my cousin, she was looking after my nephew that was with us and wasn't paying attention to me. I was alone at the register, looking at electric sockets that I actually needed for my computer, and conveniently right by the sockets, were shaving blades. I have never done the thing with shaving blades or anything so sharp, the blade of a pencil sharpener was enough for me. I took the chance, and everything was so perfect to cover it up. Notice I'm assigned female at birth and in no use of hormones, so there would be no need for me to buy beard shaving blades. The blades were cheap and so was the socket, so I could mix them and say I only bought the socket, there was no one around and the cashier wouldn't ask me why I needed those, I payed and hid them in the bag I was carrying. I'm not having urges lately, but seeing these blades right by my access triggered me, and now my mood has changed completely. I even considered stealing the blades, but I gave up on it. What got me in the moment was: I didn't pay with my money, it was my mother's money. I bought something that will help my destruction with her money, in secret, she would be so fucking pissed and disappointed it scares me to even think. But she will never know, and if she ends up discovering it, I'll assume my fall. Anyway, thank you if you read all the way. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1729,"Title: I hate the holidays Text: I’ve now gotten to the point where holidays just make everything worse. Seeing everyone happy and having fun while I just get to sit around alone and not experience anything. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1730,"Title: terrifying Text: i am a person who enjoys life greatly. my childhood wasn’t great and i have depression but generally i enjoy my day to day. but if there was a gun in my apartment i’d be gone tonight. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1731,"Title: I’m at a party and I’m very sad Text: I have autism and right now I wish naysayers could see me. Parties remind me of my deficits of communication.it feels like I fail to perform or mask neurotypically.I’m just awkward and don’t know what to say.so I try my best to fade into the background.but I wanted to be here for my own friend.a friend that I somehow managed to make over 10 years ago.My friend who has a new flock every time I see her.and the people are really nice here.I know they would welcome me if I could just open up my mouth. It’s mostly girls and I’m not a girl anymore.I’m non binary and they are putting on makeup and talking about boys,and I remember how hard I felled at performing “girl”.so I’m texting you guys trying to fade into the background which doesn’t seem to be hard at all. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1732,"Title: It’s been years but it still makes me sick Text: lately i’ve been having my rape on my mind even tho it’s been years. it always in my mind but it’s been bothering me lately and it’s making me get upset over the smallest things that don’t matter. i’ve felt ugly and disgusting, i just want to feel like me again. i don’t really have many friends… ik i have my bf, he’ll always be there for me. but sometimes i wish i had more than one person to go to. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1733,"Title: How can I cope with being touch deprived? Text: Hi guys, I'm a 21M, and I don´t remember the last time that I got a hug or a word of encouragement, I haven´t even been kissed before. It gets very hard and horrible sometimes, I've been trying to stop consuming social media and such since it's just not good for my mental health. But guess what? I relapsed today and the first thing that I see is a post about how most men cry when they get a hug from their girlfriends, and honestly, I understand them, being in this position takes a toll on you. I like to believe that I've made progress regarding my mental health, at the beginning of the year I felt like a piece of shit I had reasons to believe that tho, and same as right now, feeling horrible for not being even able to get a hug from anyone, be it male or female. Now I still feel like a piece shit, absolutely worthless, and scum of the earth and all of that, I don´t see myself finding someone that loves or appreciates in a long time or ever for that matter, but I think I've come to terms with that thought, but this stupid necessity for contact just doesn't get away, and I've tried giving up before but I just can't, so I wanted to know how you were able to cope with being touch deprived! Take care guys. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1734,"Title: Does this count as sexual harassment? Text: I was swimming in the Ocean at a beach me and my family go to almost every summer. A group of 3 teens came up behind me and started to talk about inviting me over and kissing me on the lips. Then when I tried to ignore them they called me an animal. I’m a trans guy and was just wondering what the f*ck was happening. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 1735,"Title: Help Text: I am not sure what to do but some random person found my fb profile and is blackmailing me to share pictures of myself or he will post a video of me showering on a military base I used to work at 9 years ago. He is threatening to post it on a adult website or message friends on fb. But .... he has yet to show proof. I am thinking of going to police ... does anyone have any ideas of how to figure out who they are? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 1736,"Title: FFS I can't accept the reality of how society works Text: No matter what. How the F do people accept it? It's just a giant working camp, where ruthless gestapo is being praised and prisoners accepted their fate and just live day by day. Empathy is considered weakness, because profit at all cost is all that matters... I just can't pull myself by the bootstraps, suck it up and enjoy this dumbshitfuckery. I just can't. Checking out early is all I could think of lately. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1737,"Title: Going backwards Text: I thought things were getting better, the medication I’m taking seemed to be helping, I had more motivation and got through a backlog of household chores while on 6 weeks of long service leave. Now with 1 week left of leave I feel as miserable as ever. The last couple of days I’ve just been floating through the days with no concept of time and I feel like I wasted them even though I did get some things done. To make things worse, I’m anxious about getting isolated due to extreme weather. My city had flooding back in February this year, my street was completely flooded and we were cut off but fortunately it didn’t reach my building. Now we are having a similar weather event and I’m worried that it will not only flood again, but that it will be much worse this time. I feel like I’m completely unprepared should the worse happen. I really just need a sympathetic ear (eyes?) as I’m feeling so lost right now. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1738,"Title: chiropractor was being inappropriate Text: I recently got into a car accident and got pressured into going to an oriental clinic for treatment. I live in an East Asian country where these clinics are covered under car insurance treatments. For context, I'm a foreigner who does not speak the language, and I'm voluptuous and petite. I took an x-ray upon getting to the clinic, and I already feared the doctor would react to my x-rays. This fear was because last time I got a chest x-ray, the doctor called me beautiful during consultation in a rather creepy way and left it at that. This time, I took x-rays of my entire spine and was rather horrified when it showed my entire side profile of my breasts, buttocks and surprisingly enough, my underwear line made it as well. I was horrified to say the least, and he tried to act professional but the female friend I was with burst out laughing. I saw him smirk to himself, before zooming in a little more to get my breasts off of the screen somewhat so he could remain professional. Then he asked me to lie on his table, but did so by approaching me and rubbing my back as I got off my seat. He then put both his hands on my shoulders and guided me to the table. From here on, he was somewhat rough with me but there seemed to be some underlying tension from his end. Of course there was the usual butt touching as it's chiropractic therapy, but when he asked me to lie down he stared down into my eyes. He would also just yank me down across the table to do other movements, but was much more fluid and strong when it came to pulling me down across the table than he was for my friend (who is much lighter than me, but he treated her much more clinically than he did to me.) I didn't think too much of it at this point but as my friend and I left the room, he squeezed himself in between us (my friend in front, him in the middle and myself at the back) and made sure to touch my back and lower back as he guided me out of his office. I tried to shake it off, but the second part of the treatment involved cupping and acupuncture. My right butt cheek was sore from the car accident, and he needed to insert a needle there for treatment. At this point, my back was completely bare and my pants were on but unbuttoned (as per the nurses instructions). I was lying on my front, and he came to put the needles in but he yanked my pants downwards with my underwear without warning. My pants didn't go down too far but he was quite intense with his movements. He would massage the areas that were sore and even if I said they hurt, he would press into it more until I basically groaned (moaned) from the pain. Each time after he finished the treatments, he would playfully pinch my wrist or tap my forehead or pat the back of my head. I returned for two more treatments because I didn't have much of a choice, and he continued to be touchy. He always came around to my seat and basically guided me onto the table, at one point he held both sides of my waist and practically lifted me onto the table. Quite frankly, this was all super weird. My friend is naive and also from the same country and said it could just be a friendly cultural old guy thing, although she also admitted he was a creep. I was feeling some weird dominant doctor vibes from him but I couldn't believe an actual doctor would even risk it, so I didn't question it too much but I just have to ask if this is sexual harassment, or I'm insane. Tldr My chiropractor is behaving oddly and touches me somewhat inappropriately. His job requires him to be hands on, and my friend thinks it's a cultural touchiness or attitude thing but my confusion over all this is making it hard to think about much else. I'd really appreciate some insight! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 1739,"Title: Why is everyone so emotionally unavailable Text: It seems like its more common now in my opinion, especially in todays dating culture For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1740,"Title: So if i don't text first, we don't talk? Text: it has been a month i gave up texting first, and my cellphone has never been this silent. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1741,"Title: are pads actually an okay solution for soaking up blood? Text: my friend told me that if i relapse at school again i should carry a little case with mw that has bandages and stuff in it. so far in it i have band aids in a few different shapes and sizes a ziploc with a few wipes in it olive garden chocolates/mints bc they taste good and are kinda like a comfort food to me my friend told me that pads are good for soaking up blood from cuts. is she right? 😨 should i carry them with me more? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1742,"Title: Disconnected from the world and feeling everything is insignificant Text: Life seems a little meaningless, from an outside perspective people seem to think I have it all. A well paid job, a secure family and a beautiful child with great friends. But I see the world as pointless and that nothing matters and it’s really bothering me now. Going through a stage in my life where I struggled really bad mentally I found feeling insignificant and just somebody with problems comforting but now I’m over that I feel no importance or purpose to life. I feel disconnected from everyone I used to love and from any hobbies or joy I had in life. Is this just growing up or has my mind to defend itself from the dark days just made everything and anything irrelevant and pointless? Any comments would be appreciated on their view on this as been bugging me and battering my head for months now For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1743,"Title: it’s over Text: a week from today i get on a plane with my cats and dog and i’ll never have to see my abuser again. i just wanted to share, i’m proud of myself. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1744,"Title: How do I get my case number? Text: I filed a domestic abuse report against my abuser 4 years ago and left with a friend to a different city. The police officer wrote the number down for me but now I don’t know if I have it. How do I find it? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1745,"Title: do people who get raped like to roleplay it later? Text: that’s what I’ve heard is common sometimes with people. does it help? idk if it does…it feels bad to me but other people say it’s common For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1746,"Title: Lockdown has made me realize just how lonely I am Text: I'm no one's number 1. I'm not the person anyone messages first to see how they're doing, or if they want to do anything, play some games etc. It kills me to know that my friends aren't replying to my messages because they're busy with their other friends, so I don't get a look in until much, much later. I have no significant other, so no one to really talk to all the time. I feel guilty messaging the guy I call my best friend because I know i'm not his, and I don't want to monopolize his time or feel like i'm intruding on time he's spending with his other mates. The only two people in my life who I feel care about me are my parents. Once they're gone, I'm likely going to be living alone all my life, and i'm getting to the age where making new friends isn't easy. I'm just sort of....here, really. Doing nothing. Adding value to no one's life. Occupying space. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1747,"Title: Just because it got better for YOU doesn’t me it’ll get better for ME Text: You were saved. You were about to kill yourself but your friend swooped in and saved you. Every single damn time I’ve tried killing myself I’ve been alone. I don’t have someone who loves me enough to save me. Look at me now vs you when you were my age. You were thriving, and I’m still suffering. So shut the fuck up. No will save me. No one goes above and beyond to be my friend. You’re all only friends with me because I’m nice. That’s all everyone says. You know what’ll be really nice? When I shoot myself in the head. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1748,"Title: Help Text: My mom took everything away from me after I started to fail school and after going through friendship problems and still going through a divorce, I feel empty and want to end it all. I just can't bring myself to do it. She doesn't understand how important certain things are and how when she destroys them, they can't be fixed. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1749,"Title: DC Police are now mandated and trained to connect all domestic violence survivors they encounter with counselors by phone. Text: I'm the WUSA9 reporter on this story. Some of you may remember the December 2021 death of Sylvia Matthews. She was the DC woman who police say was stalked for 20 years and murdered by her stalker despite calling MPD multiple times in the weeks before, and day of, her murder. We highlighted that murder and pressed for changes. Now, it's happened. DC Police and DC SAFE, the domestic violence counseling hotline, came to an agreement with training to back it up. When an MPD officer encounters a domestic violence survivor in the field, that officer must call the hotline at 844-443-5732 with the survivor present. The officer is to connect that survivor to a counselor so emergency help options are given over the phone, not just by business card. I've witnessed how this helped domestic violence survivors first hand by interviewing people on both sides of that crucial phone call. On a personal note, I'm happy to have played some role in getting MPD and DC SAFE to work together more - and grateful to the Matthews family for their advocacy. I can try to answer any redditors questions. [https://www.wusa9.com/article/news/investigations/dc-police-mandate-to-help-domestic-violence-survivors/65-521414fc-67b5-4744-b9a1-838afba133e9](https://www.wusa9.com/article/news/investigations/dc-police-mandate-to-help-domestic-violence-survivors/65-521414fc-67b5-4744-b9a1-838afba133e9) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1750,"Title: Get relief from mental stress Text: Techniques on How to Identify and Relieve Stress you have to try this IG- Contractor Casua For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1751,"Title: I threw away my blades. Text: I threw away all my blades and the blood rag. I'm tired of this controlling my life. I'm going to get clean for no one but myself. Or atleast make a damn good attempt. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 1752,"Title: I'm so exhausted and need help. Text: if there is anyone that is in good mental health that could possibly help me just by talking to me it would be appreciated more than you would ever know. I'm very suicidal and am holding on only for others. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1753,"Title: no one understands me Text: I wish I was never born. Life isn’t worth living. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1754,"Title: How to get over embarrassment Text: I am a 20-year-old F. I have zero friends and am pretty shy. Anyways, I had this big presentation yesterday. I had planned the entire semester to skip the presentation day, but I thought it wouldn't help my situation, so I decided to go. I practiced so hard for it, but I totally freaked out during my presentation. I talked super fast, was stuttering and said some really stupid stuff. I've been having some pretty bad flashbacks and can't concentrate on work. I haven't even eaten anything since yesterday. I tried to sleep my feelings off but it didn't help. please help me forget this For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1755,"Title: I briefly choked on a piece of food. In the midst of my panic, I was more afraid that no one would know of my passing, rather than being afraid of actually dying. Text: My first instinct was to look behind me in my room for my gf to just be ready to call 911 or do the heimlich maneuver. But after dating 3 years, we recently split ways a few weeks ago and she has moved out. Living alone sucks. I'm also constantly paranoid that someone will randomly just break in. I check the locks too often now. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1756,"Title: I hope your birthday sucked lol Text: That's all For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1757,"Title: Dream about rapist Text: Two months ago I was raped. I ended up stabbing him out of self defense (he survived and was arrested). I’ve been having these reoccurring dreams of us falling in love. One dream was him apologizing for raping me and me apologizing for stabbing him and then us making out on my bed. Yesterday I dreamt about us having passionate intimate sex and then him introducing me to his parents… I don’t know why I am having these dreams. Any thoughts? Obviously my conscious self does not like him. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1758,"Title: Is my BF a narcissist or just overgrown teenager? Text: Im 23, my boyfriends 25, hes been kinda abusive a while and im planning to leave soon. Because the abuse only gets worse never better As a background, we lived different locations with my family then his, now on our own. He always blamed the abuse on the stress others caused him. But hes gotten worse now. He has broken a bone in my foot, left bruises on my arm, pinned me on walls, literally screams at me, has a tantrum, especially when told no. Tried to slam me into the cars dashboard. He always tries to argue over little to nothing. Hes hateful everyday. He use to flirt with other females for jealousy. Theres a lot to it but i started telling him no in the past year. Not doing everything he wants. I quit being ever so nice to him. This is where he got worse than ever. I wonder if me being so kind made him entitled? Because now when i say no or put boundaries he has a full blown tantrum. Screams. Insults me, threatens me, throws things, like a child. Whenever i tried to leave, he would take my keys and cell phone and trap me in the house. And then fake cry (every time) and made me feel bad. Well now it sounds bad. But i dont care. I plan to leave take all my things even the washer and dryer, my tv, everything. Up and gone when hes at work one day. I tried for 6 years and its only worsened. He fits all traits of a narc but some say hes just a immature loser. All he does is play video games and eats junk food. He cant help me with things. I told him he needs to clean after himself he said to shut up and quit complaining itll get done. Yeah in three days… i started throwing away anything he leaves on the stove which i said i would do have he not clean after himself. He had a fit and said imma kick your ass out and had a tantrum. Hes a slob. He dont help me take off furniture or anything i do it. I do most of everything just to be yelled at everyday and insulted, i can be quiet and he will continue anyways. My parents have witnessed this as well. I dont understand his mentality Is he a narc? I have told him he needs helps and he refuses. Recently i called the police on him because he tried pushing me again. He got a DV charge and the whole time he played victim as USUAL and as soon as it got dropped he went to a whole new person very happy and frolicly. It was instant. He also threatens to unalive himself whenever hes going to get in trouble or i wanna leave. Im so mentally exhausted :( For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1759,"Title: Never told anyone but now I need to, I'm scared and don't know how to do this. Text: When I was 4-6 my grandpa lived with us. He helped out with me and my big brother because my mom started working night shift. He used to put us to bed every night. He spent more time putting me to bed than my brother. My brother used to get jealous and my grandpa would say ""your sister is very little, she needs more help getting ready for bed than you do."" But the truth is he was abusing me. When my mom got a better job and could put me to bed herself and then my grandpa moved out the abuse stopped and I thought it was all over and I'd never have to worry about it. But my brother's girlfriend is having a baby girl and my grandpa offered to babysit whenever they need. I'm scared that means he wants to do it to their baby too. I know I need to tell someone because I don't want the same thing to happen to my niece, but I'm so scared. I feel like there's something in my head blocking me from telling people. I don't know who to tell or how to say it. I'm scared of causing trouble. I'm scared my mom will hate herself for being away at night so he could do it. I'm scared my mom will make me go to the police. I'm scared of blowing up my whole family. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",childabuse_endangerment_past Question 1760,"Title: Hit a new low - got stood up again Text: That's it. A few potential friends stood me up tonight. It happened again...I was already at the bar when, 30 minutes late, they cancelled, and with a brunch of bullshit excuses too. I wouldve accepted the first one but they kept giving more, to the point that I guess they're lying. This would've bien my first nice social interaction in two months.... Then I went home and heard loud drilling coming from the appartment next to me, at 7:30 pm. Now the landlord has bien doing renovations there (and in the appartment above mine) since September, and where I live it's legal for them to go until 9pm. Neesless to day, I'm sick of it. Went over and angrily told the guy doing work off, thinking he was a worker. Nope, he's the father of the girl that's gonna be moving in. I'm losing it. Ive never felt so depressed. Not only am I so unbearably, painfully alone, but I can't even suffer in peace and quiet. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1761,"Title: kinda urgent question Text: i live in the uk, london. someone in my household tested positive for covid today and has symptoms, i haven’t been in super close contact with him but i have touched stuff he’s touched in the house and stuff. my lateral flow is negative. however i need to go to a&e. can i? like what are the rules with that. i can’t wear masks just to further complicate things. sorry it’s not super relevant to this sub (a&e for self harm but yeah). the stuff google is super confusing and just a wall of endless text that i can’t read. im not really thinking clearly rn even without having to read confusing things. any help appreciated lol For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1762,"Title: Help! I really need help I am overwhelmed and can't think properly! Text: I am scared and terrified of losing the only remaining thing I like in life. I am 16 music has been the only thing thats given me hope, however I'm completely lost, I've been getting a ringing in my ear, I have issues with visual snow, my tics are getting worse, music is no longer calming down my tics, every time I listen to music I can no longer enjoy it because im worried about ear damage. i have never listened to music for prolonged period of time i have never really done anything that could damage my ears so I dont know why I have a ringing. It feels like life has been needlessly cruel. and to put into context how much music means to me, it has been the only thing to calm my tics, it has been the a way for me to feel like I am good at something despite having not very good intelligence, I used to be interested in drawing but I had to stop because my visual snow got so bad it was painful to draw cuz my eyes couldnt stare at a page for too long. I am oretty sure I am asexual aromantic, I have no attraction to anyone, I do not want a partner in life, I do not want money in life all I have ever wantef really is to do music but for some reason I have a ringing and its been like that for years now and think it may be getting worse I HAVE NO IDEA WHY I am extremely scared!! why thr hell does life have to destroy the things I enjoy doing, i am at my limit I dunno what to do, music has just been something that has distracted feom negatove thoughts, and I am scared there is no purpose anymore, I cant enjot anything because I end up getting a health issue that interferes with it. I want to die life is so ugly and disgusting and full of evil and I am so stupid so incredibly stupid and the one thing that ever gave me purpose, a sense of identity is leaving me i dont know who i am anymore or what to do or why everything I love gets taken away from me I have no friends as well i am so lonley and isolated when i look in the mirror i dont recognise myself For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1763,"Title: Is this sexual harassment? Text: This all happened a few months ago. My friend Angelia (F20) was in her hotel room alone during quarantine, she was in a conversation with her boyfriend (M22). So, they were talking about what activities she should do during her stay, and he suggested that she could try sleeping naked, masturbate and maybe watch some porn in the hotel room if she'd like to. She finds these suggestion really repugnant and ceased all contact with him ever since. What do you all think? Is she overreacting over this? Let us know your opinion. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1764,"Title: Tomorrow, my abuser has court for the DV case and they will decide on allowing past evidence I turned in. Then the trial is on the 10th. Text: Three-ish years of a physical, emotional and financially abusive relationship. I would take pictures of bruises or hide my phone and record him screaming at me, and one time you can hear him rush in to try and smother me with a pillow. I took photos of my neck, bruises on my face, massive welts from bite marks where you can clearly see his teeth. The bathroom door that literally had a 3ft hole in the wall that he busted in. Him ranting about not being afraid to go back to prison. ​ I was too fucking scared to do anything until the last time when I had enough and called finally. He ran, and the police took pictures of me and asked if I wanted to press charges. I was still wanting to protect him but I was upset so I cried and cried saying I don't know I don't want him in trouble but I'm just so scared.. They said they will let the judge decide. And they did. And he had a warrant out for his arrest since 2018. ​ He knew about it. He's got a very extensive history, in an out of jail and prison, so he was able to slide by and avoid arrest until spring time when Covid hit. I'm guessing he was pulled over and his name was ran in the system. ​ When the county got a hold of me, I decided to turn in everything I had in my phone from back then to the state's attorney. After months and months of continuances, they will finally decide tomorrow if they are allowing my evidence to be included with the report the police made. I don't know what else to type. I think I just needed to write it all out and post it. This shit is so crazy For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1765,"Title: My (24f) boss (40m) always makes suggestive jokes and comments on my appearance, “accidentally” or “mistakenly” says & does inappropriate things but then apologizes Text: The title says it all but I’ll go into detail, I apologize for formatting, I’m on my phone. I (will call myself M) work in a corporate office setting and have been here for over 8 months. My hiring main manager (we’ll call him D) was very supportive and respectful initially. We work in a very close knit group, we all joke with each other all the time. Up until a couple months ago, I was the youngest person here. There were two other older men besides D and an older woman. During the shut down from the pandemic, staffing changed, there is now a guy my age (N) and a guy slightly older than me (L) working here as well. In the past, D has made comments about my appearance, nothing explicit just noting when I curl my hair, comments about me looking fancy if I wear high heels, my nail polish color, etc. This never bothered me because frankly I’m used to people (men, women, colleagues, clients) commenting on my appearance. One day I wore open toed high heels and D stared at my feet for a very long time and asked if I was going somewhere special. We got hand sanitizer sent in that smells horrible, D used some and made a “smell my fingers” joke to N, my younger male colleague, and looked right at me. I don’t think anyone else caught the suggestive nature of the comment, so I don’t know if I’m making something out of nothing. One day I was in a back room with L doing a task that requires two people, also note that our entire office has cameras. D was calling for us and then says “what are you two doing back there?” in a suggestive tone, I stayed in the back room to finish the task and L left, and later L told me that D was making faces at him suggesting something was happening in this back room. About a month ago I was eating in the break room and D came in and quickly squeezed my shoulders and said “that looks good!” And immediately apologized for touching me saying it was not okay for him to touch me but adding “I’m a hugger!” in a joking voice. Yesterday was kind of a tipping point in this behavior. In front of N, D was doing something on my computer for me & joking about how he is not a pushover. I believe D meant what he said next as in “I’m not a softie” or that I make him not be a softie/pushover, but instead he said “M makes me hard.” N and I were silent for a moment, then N asked for clarification “did you say M is hard on you?” And then D apologized for what he said & that it didn’t come out properly and that it wasn’t appropriate. D apologized again to me today about what he said. Partly I am wondering if it was a Freudian slip. D is married and has kids, I am married as well but it’s kind of known that my relationship has hit a rough spot and my coworkers have been very nice and supportive of this as we are like a family. I have spoken to my coworker L about how uncomfortable I am around D and with the things D has said and done, and this was before the “makes me hard” incident. L has suggested that I tell D he is making me uncomfortable and that I also report the incident to HR. My issue is that, individually, I don’t think these incidents constitute sexual harassment, it’s just that all put together I feel very very uncomfortable. I don’t want to make something out of nothing and ruin D’s life or get him fired, and I am grateful for him having hired me to begin with but sometimes I question his motive in doing so as I was pretty under qualified and heard about more qualified applicants who were interviewed for my position. I am just hoping for some objective outside opinions and maybe some advice about how to handle things in the future. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 1766,"Title: I forgot that I used to cut myself. Text: I was sitting at a table with a friend and we were talking about people who shave their arm hairs (idk why). This made me look at my own arms, specially at the back and around my elbow. I then began to notice these thin red lines. Initially, I just pushed this off as me leaning my arms against the table too hard, leaving marks. I forgot about this until I got home and for some reason I decided to look at the back of my arms around my elbow again. It was a weird moment when I remembered that they were scars and that I used to cut myself daily 4 years ago. I then looked at my hips, ankle and wrist and there were at least one or two same marks in those areas. I feel sorry for my past self. I can’t imagine what it was like wanting to kill myself everyday, I think I’ve blocked most of it out. Although things haven’t gotten much better, I’m glad I’m not facing those demons anymore. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","suicideideation_passive_past, selfharm_past" Question 1767,"Title: Being made homeless made me realise that I’m a domestic abuse victim. Text: Hi everyone, I’m new to this subreddit. I don’t want to get much into detail about the relationship (I have previous posts on other subreddits detailing everything) but to give a quick rundown: earlier this week I broke up with my ex-gf because of her issues with alcohol and she kicked me out, making me homeless. I’ve recently been advised that things that happened when she was sober and drunk were actually abuse and that I’ve been subjected to domestic abuse. I called a domestic abuse hotline last night and they confirmed it’s abuse. It’s been ruining me all night realising how much shit I’m going to have to do now. Finding safe accommodation, obtaining therapy, telling my friends and hoping they actually believe me. All on top of doing a postgraduate degree and working part-time. I don’t know where to go from here. I feel incredibly pathetic and depressed. I’m genuinely losing my sanity from not having a stable place to stay. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1768,"Title: My little sister just patched me up Text: She opened the bathroom door on me and noticed I was bleeding from several cuts on my tight. She knows I'm cutting but never seen me do it. She just disinfected and bandaged it without a word, then offered to play scrabble with me. I'm touched and horrified at the same time. I just love her so much, she shouldn't witness these things. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1769,"Title: I really want a girlfriend Text: 24m and the only type of relationship I've ever been in was an LD one and it only lasted a few months sadly. I've been trying to put myself out there after a year of working on myself, but still I am having too much bad luck and I'm honestly about to give up on my search. So many women out there are so toxic and I don't think I've ever met one who would be just as genuine and loyal, and would even invest their time into me like as if I'm her priority. Even if we were to be friends for a long while. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1770,"Title: even though i have people around me its hard not to feel alone and unwanted Text: i had friends, from secondary school and polytechnic, but even though theyre near i still dont feel accepted or wanted by them. i always feel like im an afterthought or theyre just biding their time with me. its like they dont have the same amount of patience or care or level of understanding for me that i have for them. and even if i don’t understand them, ill try to be there at least. i cant handle it anymore. i get so angry sometimes i dont know what to do with myself. im sorry, i just feel so isolated and stupid and its like. idk. im so sorry For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1771,"Title: Covering Up Scars Text: I'm looking for some advice on covering up healing scars. I do musical theater in school and I'm playing the lead in the musical this year! I'm super exited. Only problem, I have some pretty decent sized scars on my upper arm, and my costumes will definitely show it. I've been clean for at least a few months now, and these scars are about 5ish months old. They're six big ones and some other smaller ones. They're also still a very bright pink and they are quite raised so makup won't cover it completely, and I'll be dancing a lot so it'll likely rub off. I'm on stage for most of the musical too so I won't really have time to re-apply. The musical is within the next few months and they will not be fully healed/white and less raised in time for tech week. My parents know, but I don't want my director or my friends to know about it. I'm honestly at a loss on what to do. Any advice? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 1772,"Title: Organizing My Thoughts Text: Hi everyone. I haven't uploaded on here in a while, but I've taken some time to collect my current thoughts about self harm in my life and want to know what you all think of what I've wrote. I know it's quite long, but I would really appreciate the read :) ~~~start~~~ I sometimes find myself saddened by the fact that, while i don't regret my scars now, i recognize that I may one day regret them and there will be absolutely nothing i can do about it. Even though i don't have the desire to, I will never be able to wear a bikini without stares from other people, including my family and friends. This fact doesn't currently devastate me (because i dont see any issue with my scars right now as I continue to create more of them anyways), but just the thought that one day I will beg for smooth legs is frightening. Hearing the way other self-harmers hate their bodies and the skin that covers them, makes me reconsider my thought process, doubting if I really am okay with how permanent my actions are. Yes, skin is just what's on the outside (and very few people will ever see my scars), but my pain is now permanently plastered on my body now and for the rest of my life. I think part of the reason that this previously mentioned prospect doesn't depress me is that I find the concept of ""the rest of one's life"" very difficult to comprehend. Tomorrow feels hard to imagine but 10 or 30 or 50 years from now feels outside of my brain's capacity. I can't possibly process the seriousness of my actions if I can't comprehend how long a life truly is; how many actions and interactions are contained within it. I am both sorry for the present and future versions of myself, each dealing with self harm in a different way, but both suffering the consequences of past me's actions regardless. ~~~end~~~ For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1773,"Title: A nosebleed made me relapse 😮‍💨 Text: It probably wasn't just the nosebleed, it's been coming for a hot while, but seeing the blood just tipped me over I think. I also think I need stitches. But I've never gone in so I'm really fcking anxious and might talk myself out of it. And it doesn't hurt at all, it's just... Really deep? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1774,"Title: I used to hit myself with a hammer Text: I also used to cut, but one thing that makes me sad to think about is how I used to take a hammer and just hit myself over and over again until I had a lot of bruises. :( For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 1775,"Title: Anyone try zipstitch? Text: I saw those on Amazon they say it’s the equivalent to getting stitches, I cut deep and can’t go to the psych ward again from them 5150’ing me in the er, so I’m thinking to have these for emergencies? Do they work? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1776,"Title: RIP 💔 Text: Yesterday I lost my 15 year old boy. On his last walk he looked up at the sky and just looked around for a little. He never does that. I know he’s up there resting in peace 💔 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1777,"Title: so here's the thing... Text: 99.9% of people do NOT self harm for attention. While self harming they are not hoping that somebody will notice and feel bad. In fact, most people who self harm try their best to cover it with hoodies, bracelets, and much more. the 00.1% of people who self harm for 'attention' aren't purely doing it for attention either, hear me out on this; most of the time when somebody tries to do something for attention they'll come up with some crazy story, you know, basic things you see people do. But when somebody takes it as far as self harm I truly believe there's an issue. It takes a lot of not liking yourself to self harm and even if they admit to doing it for 'attention' there is definitely more of an issue so please check in on them !! avoid making jokes around self harm unless you know for SURE that everybody around you is okay with it (close friends with similar issues thing). For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1778,"Title: getting close Text: i’ve been thinking about it more and becoming ok with doing it now instead of a few years from now like i planned i don’t know if i can do it right now though, it would destroy my mom and hurt my sister and i have stuff i wanted to do before i do it but man, i just wanna blow my brains out already For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1779,"Title: Ok boomer Text: My mom just said ppl cut for attention Like ok karen if i cut for attention why do i do it in a place where no one ever sees, try so hard to hide scars/cuts/tools ect. And why have i never told any one Ugh fucking bitch For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1780,"Title: My boss sent me a really creepy sex toy.. I have NO IDEA WHAT TO DO.. Text: Okay so I've been working at my job for one year now and my boss has always stayed late with me when a big pitch was coming up. I'm new here, and it's kind of expected that I'm going to have a lot of late nights as I start my career. HOWEVER the fact that my boss is staying late and asking if I want to grab drinks/dinner when the clock strikes 8 had me a little concerned. I said yes to dinner a week ago and I was pleasantly surprised at how well we got along, even broaching some topics that I'd chat about with my friends. Somehow we got onto the topic of Christian Grey, and the fact that his character is definitely masochistic. I'll just jump to it.. I got a package today.. it's SO WEIRD I AM FREAKING OUT WHAT EVEN IS THIS [THING] (https://sweetsultry.com/collections/experiment/products/electr-pulse-massager-cock-penis-g-spot-clit-vagina-anal-stimulator-sex-toys) I honestly don't think I can go back to face him at work. All the note said was, ""LOL had so much time chatting with you, thought you might find this funny."" WHY WOULD SENDING ME A SEX TOY BE FUNNY.. and such a freaking weird one too. I . Am. Shook. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 1781,"Title: In your experience, is it common to dismiss your depression as just being a bad person? Text: What I mean is that I constantly worry that I'm not actually depressed, that I'm just lazy and don't want to take the next step in life, that I don't want to put in the work to get where I know I want to be. So I'm wondering if anyone relates to that For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1782,"Title: Depression turned me into an idiot. Text: I used to be quite a bright kid, at least, according to what everyone said. After years of trauma and abuse, however, depression completely overcame my life, and after so long, I feel it has utterly destroyed my brain; fried it, like an overloaded computer. I genuinely forget how old I am sometimes. I struggle doing basic math. My short-term memory has deteriorated to nothing. Etc. I just feel as though I'm slowing down only more each passing day. If I can ever beat depression, would I have any hope of restoring my cognitive ability at all? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1783,"Title: Does the panic ever stop? Text: I ran into my abusive ex at Walmart just now. I thought he was still in jail(for something completely unrelated) but apparently he is not. I just heard my name and there he was, with a huge smile on his face and he just said ""hey!"". My response was ""oh."" I immediately felt like all the blood drained my my entire body. The ""conversation"" was short. He mentioned stalking my Facebook, which makes me angry because ENTIRE page is private so someone on my friends list had to have shown him. He also mentioned trying to call me from jail to which I answered something like that's not my number anymore(which is a lie). I mumbled I gotta go back to work now and walked away when it was finally my turn at the self checkout. I walked out of the store constantly looking over my shoulder seeing if he was following me. When i got to my car I started panicking even more, shaking and couldnt control my breathing. I'm still shaking while I write this. Is this ever going to stop? I've been separated from him for like 8 years now and seeing a really great guy for five years. When will it stop? Will I ever not panic when I see him in a public place? I HATE that he is able to get that kind of reaction out of me. It makes me feel weak, almost pathetic. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1784,"Title: Comfort From Suicidal Thoughts Text: So i’ve gotten to a point where my suicidal thoughts bring me more comfort than regular or optimistic thinking. Does anyone else feel like this, and why? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1785,"Title: I nearly killed myself Text: I Gave up on life and tied a noose It was poorly made, but I was so depressed I couldn't handle It anymore I Just wanted to die. I couldn't fit a good spot to hang It in my home so I choose a fridge handle, I hung the noose highly and jumped out of the chair, the noose however, pulled down and I landed on my feet, but when I tried to get out of It, It tightened so badly on my neck It started to hurt, I got scared and every movement I made It tightened more, I started panicking and couldn't catch breath I managed to grab a knife from the kitchen drawer with my feet and cut the noose with the knife. Now I have got a Red line on my neck and a suicide attempt behind me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_past Question 1786,"Title: Why should I have to stay alive Text: Why should I have to stay alive if I don’t want to. For everyone else? Why no one cares that I’ve been miserable for years and it’s just been constantly getting worse. How is it more cruel to make someone suffer indefinitely because a few people would be sad for a few weeks until they got in with their lives. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1787,"Title: I bet if I killed myself in my apartment, I could easily go about a month before anyone realized Text: Sometime I just think about how long it would be before anyone noticed. Like ignoring any random maintenance people doing inspections, I could easily go a month before anyone even noticed I was gone. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1788,"Title: I feel so down lately Text: I recently broke up with my ex after 5 years of long distance. I still can’t believe we’re not together anymore. It’s very hard. I moved to another country and made new friends. Even though we hangout a-lot daily, still at the end of the day it just feels like no one really cares about me. I feel so down and cry to sleep most of the time. I don’t have many friends and my ex was the only one I opened up to and since he’s not there for me anymore, I just feel so broken. All of this makes me miss him more. Just wanted to share my feelings here. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1789,"Title: Today's my birthday! Text: well it ends in a couple of hours and just as i expected, not a single birthday wish. i knew no one was gonna remember it's my birthday, no one ever does. but i was really hoping someone would this time. well it's almost over anyways so no point in being sad about it. and i'm probably sure this post will get lost in the hundreds of posts in this sub but to those who find this, thank you for sharing the final hours of my birthday with me. this is to hopeful a happier and less lonely year 🍻 Edit: WOW! this community really is something else. Thank you for all the birthday wishes i feel so loved it's really overwhelming, i mean 2 silvers and a gold!!! so this is what it feels like to be famous haha. anyways thank you to everyone who took the time to wish me happy birthday i can't wait to brag to my grandchildren about this lol. And for the ones asking i made myself ramen noodles and watched django unchained last night so it wasn't such a bad birthday after all lol For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1790,"Title: I was raped last night Text: I was walking down the street from the beach, and the next thing I know I had a bag over my head and thrown into a car. I told my boyfriend first thing, and his responses have gotten colder and he told me it’s a lot to take in. He told me we’re going to talk once I get home from my holiday. I’m very heartbroken and in complete shock, I don’t know what to do. I feel disgusting. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_ongoing Question 1791,"Title: Our receptionist is continually harassed at work Text: Our company deals with the public. We have customers coming to our store to see sales people and place orders. 90% male. About half are steady customers known to us, about half are randos who might be visiting for the first and only time. We don't know them, if they don't order anything, no way to identify them. We have a receptionist who's job it is to answer phones and greet all customers. She's young, petite, pretty, professionally friendly (""Hi, how are you"" kind of thing). This is her first job. She suffers daily sexual harassment, mostly from the randos we don't know. Sometimes it's not anything they say directly to her, but to the guy they came in with about her, where she can hear them. Disgusting things. At a minimum, she's asked out or for her phone number daily. If we can identify the company they work for, the management is called and told they are not to come back. We're not sure how to shut this shit down, while still maintaining a professional demeanor with our ""not a predator"" customers. We need suggestions... Signs, more resting bitch face, hatchet visible on her desk.... Help us please. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1792,"Title: I scratched someone's car, and I want to S/H what do I do Text: Hi someone please help. I scratched someone's car today and I want to hurt myself. I feel like I'm a terrible fucked up person and I ruined their day. It was only a hairline scratch the size of a marble, and I still feel the need to hurt myself. I don't even want to eat or drink. I feel so stupid and dramatic which only makes me hate myself even more. I don't have any support right now. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1793,"Title: Was this touch harassment despite it being with an object? Text: We were in band, and he was next to me for the day. He used his flute to stroke up and down my leg in a sexual manner and touched my hair some, which he’d done before. I was telling him to stop but he just wouldn’t stop. I felt so violated and I feel the trauma of that time period made the event a lot worse in my memory. But I don’t think I can call it groping or assault or anything since it was an object and not his hand. Wad it harassment? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 1794,"Title: No friends or at this point, a family Text: I’m 18 and before High school ended so many friendships ended and some started but they never truly were friendships and we never connected really just friends, not best friends. Then my best friend of of 4+ plus years cut ties with me. Me and her were like a duo and everyone knew we were attached at the hip. I was doing long distance with someone but then we both broke up but now trying to patch things up but they have a busy life now and make no time for me almost, so it’s something I don’t think I can hold onto. I always thought I was going to be the person with friends after High school ended, but no. I always feel so alone now and feel I have to hold onto my ex because that’s the only person I have. I don’t know what to do, I never talk to anyone and I look at my phone, no new notifications. Life at home isn’t all great either. With parents fighting and an alcoholic dad. I do have a younger sister but she has mental disabilities and now the only place I have now is work but after I clock out at the end of the day they’re just coworkers. I wanted to go out today with my mom, and she did but didn’t want me to be with her so now just sitting at home crying because it feels like I have a midlife crisis at 18 which should’ve been my crazy fun social years For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1795,"Title: My cat smelled my blood Text: I was on the way downstairs to put away my laundry. I just got out of the shower after probably the worst session i've had. I overdone it so my tummy was filled with tons of fresh wounds. My cat saw me coming and immediately stood up and stared at me. I've never seen him so alarmed before. I knew that he knew, and for some ungodly reason I wiped some of the blood with my finger and let him smell it. My cat knew I was hurt. He got up and placed both of his paws on my abdomen (he does this when he wants to be carried). I picked him up and just hugged him really tight while telling him how much of a good boy he was. I was bawling my eyes out. It was the most comforting thing I've felt in a long time and it didn't even come from a person. I love my cats to bits and I hope you guys experience something like this as well. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1796,"Title: Its not your fault Text: I know it was not my fault for being raped but i still blame myself . Then why do i have to lived with the PTSD from rape Why do i feel like dying every moment ? Why do i feel like my body isn't mine ? I am tired of putting on a brave face and acting like i am strong . I don't want to be strong . I want to scream cry and feel something more than anger ? Why can't I look myself in the mirror anymore ? Why do i feel like his ghost touch ? Daily tasks remind me of him The smallest things trigger me . Feeling any sense of arousal reminds me of him ? Why do i feel hypersexual then ? Why do i want to be crave physical touch and not crave it at the same time ? I hate thinking about it but everything reminds me of it ? Why do i struggle everyday ? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 1797,"Title: Update Text: 2 days ago I had all the necessary ""equipment"" gathered and felt so ready for my exit. I was sitting on the pier watching people in the afternoon, taking it all in, mentally saying goodbye essentially. There was a man playing with his daughter nearby, and I remembered the times my dad would play with me in the snow, at the park, and when he explained why the sky was blue and sunsets red, and how his voice trembles when he talks to me now because they're so worried, and how I haven't called him in days because I'm so ashamed of where I am. I've felt half dead for 15 years and for 15 years my parents guided me to the surface at every step. How can I do that to them and take their only daughter away? There is no way. No fucking way I'll allow those two people suffer like that. I called my parents today, picked up my antidepressants from the pharmacy and made conversation with a lovely stranger over ice cream. I'm here, if anyone was wondering. I'm not going anywhere. I forget sometimes when it hurts too bad and it does hurt a lot but I've never stopped loving life. It's just my brain. Thank you all. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_past Question 1798,"Title: I was stranger raped and I feel left out Text: I wasn’t raped by anyone I knew. It’s annoying bc everyone seems to have known their attacker. I only know his name the country he’s from. I wish I knew him so it seemed less bad somehow. So I could feel like it was a more ‘normal’ rape. Idk I feel so alone. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1799,"Title: STEP DAD SEXUALLY HARRASES ME. PLEASE HELP. Text: I think everyone deserves to live in a happy and safe space. I think everyone needs to be happy with their life. Everyone thinks differently though. I have a problem where my parents divorced when I was a young girl and my dad he found his own wife and my mom found his own husband. One day when my mom was at work I was like 6 or 7 and my step dad said if I wanted to see how cops arrest a person on the floor? I said yes. He put me down on my stomach and put my arms and legs behind me. I was wearing a dress and you could see everything right? Well he touched me but didn’t rape me. I told him to stop and he wouldn’t. I somehow got out of how he was holding me and I looked at him and said I don’t want to play anymore. He laughed a little and I left and sat on the couch confused and sad. Ever since that day I never wanted to play with him. Today he sexually harasses me But I was afraid to say anything. He always says he wants to tickle me, I say no and so he carry’s me and I’m not as strong as he him so he puts me to the floor and “tickles” me which is super uncomfortable. I have so much fear in me that one day he will rape me or something because I didn’t say anything. I love my dad and I feel very safe with him. I like to be myself and I am very happy. And I’m not always hiding my body because of fear like I do at my mom’s. I told my dad that I want to live with him and he agreed. I told my mom the reasons and I told her that the main reasons were my step dad and she asked if he has ever done anything sexual to me. My mom and dad started arguing and I couldn’t stand it. I said what he has done to me and how he sexually harasess me today. My dad didn’t know this nor did anyone. My dad got mad and hugged me and said to get in the car and I did crying my way back because I just confessed everything. I know I should have confessed earlier but I had so much fear in me. On the way back my dad said that it was going to be okay and how It’s good I confessed. My mom got mad and she called and said she was going to call the cops and stuff. My dad said that he was going to report him and my mom said that she was going to talk to my step dad but to go on with the report. When we arrived home I talked to my step mom which I trust completely. A sherriff came to do the report and I said everything. They went to go talk to my mom and my step dad and my mom just said that they were better parents then him and my dad was alone so no one could defend him I know this because he told me. They always said that I always make up that I am hurt and that I lie about the pain I feel in me. My mom showed the sherif a paper saying that she has more custody over me,my dad always pays child support and my mom lied to the cop saying that he doesn’t. And the cop said that I am going to keep on seeing my mom and that I can’t live with my dad but I can still see him like usual every next weekend. And the cop said that I need to have a phone with me at all time but my step dad and mom are always taking it away for dumb reasons. I feel like they are toxic parents. What hurt me the most is that my mom defended my step dad instead of me. My dad doesn’t know what to do now because there isn’t enough proof that my step dad could be a criminal. Please help I don’t know how to deal with this and I need to go live with my dad for me to be happy and stress free. I don’t know what to do. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","sexualharassment_ongoing, childabuse_endangerment_ongoing" Question 1800,"Title: I want to stop but it's so hard [TW] Text: I really want to stop harming myself bc i honestly feel guilty now a days. But i don't know how to- I lost my streak of 5 months and i just want to be clean for once. I'm mad at myself for doing stuff that i shouldn't have. My older sister found out that I harm myself, and i feel horrible that now she's gonna think of what i do while she's gone. I just wanna cry, i want to talk to somebody. I just want to hug somebody , just want somebody to tell me ""things will be ok"". something normal, and to have something positive in my mind. i dont know- It's really late rn For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1801,"Title: I'm killing myself on November 7th Text: On the 9th, I'll be out of a place to live. All the people I love and cherish in this world have grown to hate me and the only path forward I see is blowing my brains out. Though, something that is nagging on me is my legacy... I really want to create something special before I go, something to dump online and use as a way to say ""Hey, I was here, and I existed"" but I don't know how to make my last wish come true. It is a painful thought knowing that I will most likely die before getting to finish this one last wish of mine. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1802,"Title: I’m on day 3 Text: No SH in 3 days wish me luck 🍀 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 1803,"Title: I broke my 6+ year streak. Text: I self harmed the other day. I wanted to really cut deep cause I deserve it but the scissors weren't sharp enough. Now I've only got stupid scratches on my legs. Its made me more mad than anything else. I really fucking hate myself. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1804,"Title: I’m just always sad Text: It’s frustrating because now that I’m on medications I don’t even feel sad. I just feel numb. Is this what it’s like to be medicated? Is this the only option or is there other ways where I could still feel like myself For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1805,"Title: A small poem about my rape Text: The same man i held once at night Held me down for his own delight No. Stop. I did put up a fight He didnt stop and im not alright I wonder if you're full of regret If anything between us was ever real Do you think of me and get upset? I wonder if you can even feel For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1806,"Title: repressed memories have surfaced and I don't know what to do Text: As the title says, memories have begun cropping up but they're all memories of what would lead up to something horrific but there's no memory from anything bad actually happening. Like.. the only reason I'm still able to be in denial that something actually did happen is because no memories from that moment or anything in the following two weeks exist Would it be for the best if I don't take my friend's advice of getting EMDR therapy to unlock what happened? Cause as of right now, I have mild to moderate anxiety and a sense of unease about this, but I imagine if memories of what happened after the guy got me in the bathroom that I'd be feeling shit far worse than what I'm currently feeling For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1807,"Title: spraying perfume on cuts Text: Earlier today, I relapsed and took apart a cheap razor and just went bananas on my thigh, and they were just papercuts because, again, it was a cheap razor—and I haven’t really gone *deep* yet, anyway—but they were enough to bleed, sting like crazy, leave a bunch of thin scars all over, make my entire leg inflamed, etc., but after accidentally spraying perfume on them and feeling the whole leg just BURN, I literally can’t stop doing it, and it hurts so bad, but I can’t stop. Is this dangerous? Like, I won't end up infecting it or something, right? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1808,"Title: my life is so quiet. Text: No notifications, no messages.No drama. Nothing revolving around other human beings. Just me and my left, right hemispheres. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1809,"Title: no where to go Text: i feel suffocated like every avenue i can take to get help just won’t work im just scared and alone and tired i’m so tired and so empty and i want to write my girlfriend a letter and just leave i want to be done i can tell them how much i love them one more time and it can be immortalized and i can never do bad things ever again and i can be done For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1810,"Title: A kid in my school who harasses different girls Text: There's this kid in my math class who keeps asking out this girl who keeps rejecting him. It was quite an embarrassment to the point that my teacher moved him. He happened to be sitting in front of another girl, who just targeted afterwards. I don't remember clearly, but I think he was trying to touch her? (I believe he did the same to the other girl). Afterwards, she moved seats. Is what he's doing sexual harassment? I'm asking because his actions were quite disturbing to me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1811,"Title: I'm not sure if this is or not Text: When I was 12 a boy in my year wouldn't stop licking my stuff and it progressed onto him wiping it on me I told someone and he got mover away from me in that class but the next year he got his mates to torment me and block me from exiting the classroom but I pushed past them then he pinned me against the wall in the hallway and wouldn't let me go so I pinched him really hard in the back of his neck and scratched a bit so he let me go and I ran off. There was a big commotion after me almost getting expelled and kicked out of a really good opportunity and detention for the rest of the year and reading out an apology to him in an assembly, the only reason it didn't is because my mum had a go at them and I've only realised that it could be sexual harassment when my friend pointed it out because i thought I was overreacting because I had a panic attack at the fact of expulsion as I had never even got a detention or in trouble before but I did realise that it was wrong for the teacher to drag me in front of a class of my year during it to get my bag, anyway I just wondered if it is sexual harassment or if I am overreacting For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 1812,"Title: i have zero friends, husband has zero interest Text: the only time my husband and i have a good time together is when we’re hanging out with other people. we have no chemistry, no intimacy, no friendship even. its gotten to the point where i want to distance myself from him so i can stop expecting attention from him. i’m currently in the bedroom while he’s outside on the sofa doing idk what, probably napping after oversleeping. as far as friends are concerned, i’m not in touch with my old ones and can’t seem to make any new ones. i feel so alone it physically hurts. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1813,"Title: UCSF SEXUAL HARASSMENT Text: https://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/smith-patten-represents-ucsf-nurse-as-she-comes-forward-to-expose-sexual-harassment-religious-discrimination-and-systematic-retaliation-300594745.html For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1814,"Title: Career change increasing anxiety Text: I’m getting ready to change careers in about a month. I’ll be working for the same company at a different location, I’ll be making about the same money and sometimes more, I’ll work less, be home on weekends, holidays and every afternoon/evening. I’ll also never have to work night shift. But the place I work at now, I kind of grew up here. I was just a kid when I got hired in and in a way everybody here kind of raised me. I was straight out of college and single when I started but now I’m married with kids and have my own house and got multiple promotions and everybody here watched me grow and supported me through those life changes. The schedule will be nicer (maybe, still not sure) and it will definitely be better for me as a dad. Once I start this new position I’ll be able to put ‘supervisor’ on my resume. Maybe I just got too comfortable here and the change in environment, schedule, and people is getting to me. I’ve always struggled with anxiety. When I first accepted the job I was elated, but over recent days it feels like somebody has a belt looped around my chest and it just keeps getting pulled tighter and tighter and I’m left wondering if I made the right decision even if I can’t go back on it now. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1815,"Title: Im gonna do it Text: Im finally gonna do it. Im gonna man up and ask out a girl i like. Wish me luck. Ill add an edit to this post afterwards to let yall know how it goes Update: she said yes, but said well do it next week because of school stuff Long story short: ***i got a date*** Update 2: so we hang out and i didnt tell her i liked her till just recently. She rejected me. Whoopty fuckin doo For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1816,"Title: 3 months on. Text: It’s been 3 months since it happened. I still never went to police. I have to listen to podcasts every night to stop the intrusive memories coming back and I still have terrible nightmares. I get panic attacks when men talk to me. I hate men now. I would consider myself pretty much a lesbian after it happened. I’m scared of clubbing and I’m scared of getting drunk and lost and being out of control. When I see a man that looks or smells like him I panic. Loud noises and people walking too close behind me terrify me. I can’t walk home in the dark. Everytime I’ve had sex since it happened I’ve had a panic attack and cried. I’ve started doing cocaine. I feel disassociated all the time. I feel angry, irritated, with everything, I feel not many emotions anymore. I snap at everyone. Everything feels negative. I have a burning hatred for any man on earth, even though I know it’s not all their fault. My therapist thinks I might be suffering with ptsd. Fuck you for doing this to me. I know you don’t feel bad and you probably don’t even think you’ve done anything wrong. Why do you get to be free while I’m having to live all of this pain For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1817,"Title: sh a couple minutes ago Text: they burn a lot it feels like their on fire For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1818,"Title: First time posting here kinda nervous. Text: I’m am a very nervous person I went from hitting my nails into they bleed and then I went from butting inside my lip very little chunks, into the last couple of day but yesterday, I made myself bleed from inside my cheek I honestly did enjoy the watching myself bleed from my mouth and now I can’t stop biting inside my cheek? Any other suggestions on what can I do to stop ? Idk if I should post here or somewhere else. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1819,"Title: Nearly 24 and I don't think a single person IRL has ever said they care about me. Text: I feel an episode coming and I've just been thinking and being in my head. Interactions, or lack thereof at work. The few friends and lack of much socializing when I was in school. Feeling like a shadow around people. No one really bothers to try and talk to me. It just really reinforces how I feel. A nobody. Forgettable. Nothing. And it's been that way all my life. And not once have I even had the chance to feel it to even have an idea to what it feels like to be cared for in the slightest. And I don't see that ever changing. I look in the mirror and just hate myself. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1820,"Title: You are not alone. Text: Remember, you are not alone in this fight agaisnt domestic violence. It may be hard to bare and stand up, but people are here to help you get the help you need out of whoever is hurting you. Please, don't back down on this serious matter. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1821,"Title: I need some advice. Text: I'm using a throw away as i do not want to reveal anything about this to any friends that follow my main but over the last year i have gone from thinking about suicide once in a while, to thinking about it constantly. I want to go to a therapist about this as i cannot stand it any longer, but i don't feel comfortable opening up to a person I don't personally know(i mean the therapist). Any advice? I hope the therapist helps, because I'm slowly losing my sanity. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1822,"Title: I’m done. Text: I came to this subreddit, not knowing what would happen, I was only a few days clean and needed a pathway out. I came to a community, where I wasn’t judged and could relate to, though I didn’t post much, viewing the comments and seeing that people cared, helped beyond words. It has been 110 days to date since the last time I cut. Thank you, today I am leaving, I hope this is the first and last time. Thank you for everything <3 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 1823,"Title: On vacation and I still can’t escape my own head Text: I don’t know what to do anymore, I think I’m just going to jump off the 7 story balcony. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1824,"Title: I saw a girl in the hospital. Text: I end up in hospital for stitches or staples about once a week. Sometimes it’s once every two weeks, sometimes it’s twice in a day. The other day I had a fight with my carer and cut my shoulder. I put on a t shirt, sweatpants, sliders and a hat and got my book and vending machine money and told my carers I needed to go to hospital again. When I got there I got a Diet Coke from the vending machine and settled down in the minor injuries waiting room (it’s right next to a&e but it’s quieter) with my book. After a couple of hours I went to the front desk to see where I was in the queue and a girl and an old woman came in. I think the woman was her granny. The girl was wearing really nice expensive looking emo clothes with those chunky boots and safety pins and chains everywhere. Her hair was green and in that mullet style with the fringe which is popular at the moment. Her makeup was really good and she had a septum piercing and ear stretchers. Her forearm was dripping everywhere and she was absolutely distraught. She was crying and shaking and apologising to the old woman. She kept dripping on the floor and desk and then trying to wipe it up. It was really clear that this was the first time she’d gone to hospital for it, or at least the first time in a while. I could tell this was a huge deal for her. Seeing her made me realise how far removed I am from the emotional side of self harm. I was just sitting there chilling like I do in hospital very often. I feel like I shouldn’t be that calm in the situation I was in. I should be distraught and crying like that girl. I hope she got treated and is alright. I’m fine but kind of freaked out by how jaded I’ve become. Hurting myself doesn’t upset me anymore, it makes me feel calm. It shouldn’t be that way. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1825,"Title: Love or not Text: I have waves of feeling extremely lonely and wanting affection and love but I remember the feelings of my past relationship and remember why I would rather be lonely. It’s a tough cycle of thoughts but sometimes the thought of the stress and issues don’t seem worth it, but I also wouldn’t mind looking at the stars together under some blankets For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1826,"Title: Stuck in a suicidal loop Text: I am struggling so hard right now I keep trying to dig myself out of the quicksand hole but I keep spiralling. I keep remembering every negative thing I’ve ever done and I see a truly awful human being who doesn’t deserve to be here. The anti depressants and CBT slow things down but the dark thoughts don’t disappear. I wish I’d never been born and I don’t know how much longer I can hold on for. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1827,"Title: I'll be stunned... Text: .. the day I can honestly consider myself happy. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1828,"Title: It's been two years Text: I was attracted to him but we're both married, so I told him no. He wouldn't take no for an answer. He wouldn't respect the boundaries I set. My husband called him and told him not to come to the places I would be and he refused, so I stopped going to those places. I hate that I have had to upend my life to avoid him. It's been two years and I think about it constantly. I am in therapy three times a week. I wish they knew how much they affect us. Maybe they would have mercy. Just needed to vent. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 1829,"Title: I’m only doing this for attention Text: I want to commit suicide because I can’t handle not having attention. I just “hate” the feelings I have. Sometimes I just want to kill myself. I’m only posting this for attention. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1830,"Title: Is anyone else like this Text: A little backstory and I'll make this as short as possible. For starters, I am a bi man and back in 1992, I got off late one Friday afternoon, and the only thing to do in this town on the weekends is leave. Because I got off late, all my friends had left town, so I was just going to go home, and make a sandwich and watch movies. I stopped to get a pack of smokes on my way, and ran into a guy I had met one time, we had a mutual friend. That friend had brought him to my house for a party. I really didn't like his personality, but as far as I knew there was no reason not to trust him, since my friend trusted him. The gas station was in walking distance of his apartment, and he invited me over for drinks and a movie. Since we had already agreed we did not like each other, and this was just so we weren't both sitting at home alone, I agreed, as long as I could use the restroom when we got there. I come out of the restroom, and he had a drink already made for me. I realized it was like Jim and Coke, which I do not like the harsh taste of Jim, or whisky in general, but he made it for me, so I was going to drink it. I got two swallows out of it, and suddenly felt funny, I knew immediately what had happened, I stood up and said ""I'm fucked"", and fell on the floor. He picked me up and carried me to the bedroom, and undressed me. I stayed awake the entire time, I just could not move. I'll spare you the details, but there was several times I thought to myself, he's actually trying to damage my body, he was being so rough, and aggressive. He finished, and went back to the living room, and just left me there. I finally got to where I could move again, and I got up, got dressed, and started to leave, but as I passed through the kitchen, I picked up an empty Jim Beam bottle, and as I walked past the couch where he was sitting, not even looking at me. I swung that bottle and broke it over his head, then watched as he fell in the floor in a growing pool of blood. Then I just left, I don't know if he was alive or not. Now here is the situation, ever since then I have had a fetish I guess you could call it, I want to be raped again. One of my boyfriends understood how much it meant to me. I would go outside, and shut the door, then I would open the door and start back in, and at some point he would grab me, drag me to the bedroom, and pretend to do it again. It made me feel better for a while, especially after it was over, he would just hold me. Other than this, I've been ok with things for years. Once I left his apartment that day, I went home, and hid in a secret compartment in my bedroom closet. But the next morning I got up and went to work, as I started to walk in the front door, I found a way to hide it. All my coworkers were my best friends, and had known me for years, it took me some major acting to keep them from knowing that something had happened, and would bug me until I told them. Over the next few days, I managed to hide this from myself. For many, many years, until I ran into a 17 y/o girl that had been raped about 12 hours earlier, and she wasn't doing good. I told her I had been raped, and wanted to help her, I've managed to counsel 2 other women that were survivors. I've had other people tell me, my fantasy of it happening again isn't unheard of, maybe not normal, but it does happen some. But as much as it makes me feel better, I hate knowing that I want that to happen to me. I have been married to a beautiful, wonderful woman for a long time now, and I still have this desire, and feeling like I'm being unfair to her, on top of it just being bad to start with. I just wonder how many other people have this fetish, and if there is any way to stop having this desire. Or will I have to deal with this forever? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1831,"Title: waking up is a chore Text: it’s hard to look forward to the next day when you don’t want to wake up at all For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1832,"Title: I hate the stereotype of selfharmers Text: It's always a skinny white girl who's emo and gay for some reason. and that we do it for ""aesthetics"" and shit.. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1833,"Title: How the fuck are you not supposed to compare yourself to others when you're the worst at everything you do? Text: I'm so sick of never being meant to be anything in this world. I want it all to end already... For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1834,"Title: Sick of men's reaction to my rape Text: About 8 1/2 years ago I was raped. It rocked me. It was someone I knew, a male friend set me up so that his friend could rape me and everything I thought I knew about the world, myself, and other people was challenged. About 3 months after the rape I met who would become my boyfriend of 6 years. We were so young, and despite hiccups, he was truly kind, caring, and understanding. We broke up mutually 2 years ago and dating with my story has been a journey to say the least. I'm so sick of my rape being about/for the benefit of other men. I'm so sick of telling the story as a litmus test to see how men react. I hate dating men who look at me with pity or shock. I hate that men feel like they want to ""beat the shit out of"" the man who raped ME. Making it about their ego. My most recent ex held me as I cried recalling the assault and later said how irritated it was that we ""took so long processing your rape."" This feeling will pass. I'm not looking for advice. I just want to say to anyone out there dating post their assault- I fucking see you- I get it- and you are not alone. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1835,"Title: i swear to god if there's an afterlife i'm gonna be so pissed Text: if i go through all the fucking trouble of coming up with this shitty plan just to wake up on some couch in hell wih satan being life ""enjoy existing forever"" imma fucking beat his ass For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1836,"Title: I’m so tired. Text: I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1837,"Title: why do i feel better? Text: yes I've been cutting myself for a while and I like it for no reason do you think this is normal? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1838,"Title: I fell in love with my manager. Text: I wish I fell off a cliff instead. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1839,"Title: I am ready to die Text: I finished writing my will and everyone in my life is gone or dead so my death won't hurt anyone. Now, I just need to somehow find the zeal to end my suffering for good For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1840,"Title: Anyone wanna talk? I’m Text: Super bored atm For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1841,"Title: Domestic violence charge was dropped by DA Text: I have no idea how the DA could drop the charge after seeing my ex(26F) literally punch me in the face (26M) in a video I submitted. I'm broken, sad, and trying to compose myself from breaking down. Currently a single father trying to gather myself enough to be a competent parent. I just have no idea how this could happen. I'm terrified that my ex will be able to get some sort of shared custody with me and it will lead to something horrendous. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1842,"Title: was it SA? Text: I was manipulated into agreeing into sex by someone I was dating. I was really hesitant because I saw him talking to other girls on the phone I was manipulated to agree because I'm such a people pleasr...but I didn't say completely No when I was in pain. My body was not ready. I bled so bad, it was not my first sex. I had vaginal laceration and was rushed to the ER. I almost die if I was not able to get help immediately. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1843,"Title: I’m having trouble finding my worth Text: I have cystic fibrosis and diabetes. It’s been a struggle my entire life and people, especially partners, have made me feel less than. I’m so lonely. I’m a 38 year old female who loves dinosaurs, Game of Thrones, Pokemon, I speak some Russian and I volunteer for a cat shelter taking care of them and helping them get adopted. I just feel like no one sees a future with me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1844,"Title: My life has lately been hell Text: Every other moment makes me wanna jump out of a building. I have no motivation to do anything and i don’t see a near future for myself. I feel peaceful when thinking about the future but i know my problems are not going anywhere anytime soon. Only thing keeping me alive is my cat and i feel like once i will be the only person at home for at least more than a day i might just kill myself. I do have plans for the far future but tbh it doesn’t seem all that likely they are gonna come true. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1845,"Title: This loneliness I have makes me feel really alone and this anxiety is insufferable, probably best I just stop living. Text: I am 19 years old I made a pledge to myself to see how effects would ameliorate in the future, but they've only gotten worse and the same, I do not know what differently to do. Tonight, I am going to hang myself. I have written about it, told my family about it, went therapy and so on. All haven’t helped too much nor do they even care as I seen from it just ignoring or blaming. I am just really done. I can not feel to look at myself and feel useful because I am so lonely and just living being for its own sake. Loneliness is consuming me to know end. I believe there's nothing in this world for me. It seems as if there's nothing in store for me in the future maybe not true but I just see anything now just miserable and alone. I truly do not want to survive this time, it would be better for me to die. I see occasionally everyone lead happy lives and live their lives. I despise who I'm and do not ever want to live again. Whoever reads this, thank you for being in my life and commenting. I can not stand being fully alone any longer. I infrequently manage to produce complete Words when I do get the chance to speak to someone. disregard a girl. Stuttering or the fair I’m boring not knowing what to say social anxiety. when I have something on mymind, I've a hard time actually saying it. Who on earth would be patient enough to hear me out? How could I conceivably keep a conversation with someone if I tried to talk to them? I can’t really communicate with them easily. Nor am I worth anyone’s time. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1846,"Title: I failed my attempt. I don't know how to feel or process what happened or whats going to happen. Text: I failed my suicide attempt, and honestly I have been having mixed feelings of everything since then. People have been supportive and there for me but my own emotions are really making me struggle. On one hand, I feel like I'm fine and that me making the choice to stop before it was too late was okay, but on the other I feel guilt, shame and almost like I should of gone through with it. Since then, I've felt very confused on my purpose on life and even more so feeling like I'm not in control and losing purpose in my life, in a way I feel like giving up again because I don't know what to do or feel, especially since I'm more scared of my future and what's going to happen to me now. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","suicideideation_active_past, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 1847,"Title: missing my abusive ex Text: Recently my order of protection got approved, which logically I know is for my own safety but I keep thinking back on our relationship and missing certain aspects of him. I love him so much and he'll never know or believe that. At the same time there's a lot that happened in our relationship that I've kinda opened my eyes to that I won't miss. I know he needs psychological help and I hope he gets it. I feel a lot of guilt about the end of our relationship. I've never felt this alone before. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1848,"Title: i wanna die so fucking bad Text: i just wanna die i just wanna die i just wanna disappear this is all too much to bear it gets better than it gets worse and i cant handle it i just wanna die i just wanna kill myself i just want to slit my wrists and bleed to death i just want to throw myself off a bridge i want to drink fucking bleach i want this all to end to fucking bad i want to stop existing why can’t they care why wouldn’t they care why can’t i be normal nothing ever wrong for me what the fuck is wrong with me i hate this so fucking much i hate this so so so fucking much i just wanna disappear i am just a void For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1849,"Title: I have it planned Text: Throwaway for this cause I don’t want my friends finding this post. Also ignore how badly this is written and any punctuation errors. Let me give you some back story I f17 lost my mum roughly 5 years ago due to cancer, she was my best friend so losing her has been very difficult and something I am still getting over. At the age of 13 i was put on antidepressants and have been on different types since, I went to counselling but after 3 months i convinced them i was fine like i have with everyone else. 6 months later my dad started dating his now fiancé ( who isn’t a nice person) and now he acts as if he never had a wife to begin with. For instance he never visits mums grave even on Christmas or mothers day. This leads me to my issue, throughout the years i have always that person who everyone goes to for all their troubles. Constantly worrying about other peoples problems had become a coping mechanism for me however over the years it has taken a big toll on my mental health. I want to tell my friends and family that i am struggling but I don’t want to burden them and there’s no point telling my dad as he thought me getting diagnosed with depression was a way to gain attention. Anyway I have thought about killing myself for years so I have it all planned out. I just thought it would be good to get this off my chest. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1850,"Title: Is this harassment? Text: OBS: Throwaway acc. I (26F) think I'm being sexually harassed by my male coworker (39M). He started by doing nice little things like getting me coffe or offering me a ride. I thought he was just being gentle. Then he started to send me heart and kiss emojis. Last week when no one was looking he went to my desk, leaned over and started caressing my neck / shoulder area. I immediately asked what he was doing, but I don't think he got the message, and then he left. I don't want to see where this is going. Is this sexual harassment? He didn't touch my boobs or butt. I think I'll look for another job, but I don't have enough evidence to report him. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 1851,"Title: Male. 30. I normally wouldn't seek for advice, but I'm clueless right now. Text: Arms are scratched, button-up is ripped, and my ears are ringing. Mel got drunk and angry again. Why? my daughter decided to lift her dress up while in the house. “I will not raise her to be a whore” Great… I agree. It’s not great that she did that, but how she responded did not match the action. After discipling my daughter, I consoled her. That made Mel angrier. She pulled my daughter’s hair. She got mad at me so she took it out on my daughter. This made me angry. I took my daughter upstairs away from Mel, and of course she followed. Her and I clearly don’t meet eye to eye on this. We fight. She pushes my daughter because she is crying and she is mad at me. I push her and tell her never to touch her like that again. She got angrier. Hits me. Rips my shirt. I’m not defenseless. I keep pushing her back. I pull my calf muscle so I’m stuck on the bed now. She keeps punching me. I take my daughter downstairs slowly. She is hitting me and pushing me from behind. I could’ve fell while carrying my daughter. Downstairs she tells my daughter this is all her fault, but it somehow is also my fault. “What dadda did was wrong, but it happened because of you”. I try to stay, but she keeps kicking me while I’m just cuddling my daughter. She says she wants to stay with my daughter but doesn’t want me around. I guess I’m babying her… Also she keeps telling my daughter this is all my fault and saying that “Whatever Dad says is a lie”. This is so infuriating... Do I step down to her level? She takes my daughter back upstairs and tells me not to come up. I comply because I can’t really walk. Of course she comes back down by herself 2 minutes later. This was never about wanting to spend time with my daughter. She leaves me alone for 20 minutes and then comes over. She tries to say this is all my fault. I tell her I don’t want to talk to her. “Right now, I find you disgusting” I tell her. After letting me know that I just ruined my daughter's life because she now thinks it’s okay for men to push women, she tells me one day she is going to stab me. She is only with me to make my life miserable… her actual words. She says I’m faking my calf injury and is insisting on taking a look at it. I tell her to not touch me. She gets mad and tries to hit me. Scratches me and bites once again. This is over. my daughter deserves better than her and even me. Hopefully I get custody, but that’s never going to happen. I need to pick up what I have and move on, but I don’t know how. I want to be with my daughter, but I don’t see how this can happen I’m financially stable and would be fine on my own, but this is extremely hard. Any advice? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","childabuse_endangerment_ongoing, domesticviolence_ongoing" Question 1852,"Title: STOP Text: STOP ASKING FOR ADVICE FOR HOW TO KYS STOP ASKING FOR ADVICE ON HOW TO CUT DEEPER. STOP STOP STOP. THIS SUBREDDIT IS FOR ADVICE AND HELP TO STOP SELF HARM AND TO HELP RELATE TO OTHERS AND HELP EACH OTHER STOP. IVE BEEN TRIGGERED OVER 5 FUCKING TIMES BECAUSE PEOPLE KEEP COMING HERE AND ASKING AS IF WE ARE PRO-SELF HARM OR PRO-SUICIDE JUST FUCKING STOP YOURE NOT HELPING US. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1853,"Title: Should I report him Text: Im not sure if this is the right spot but I figured it was worth a try. Im trying to figure out if I should report this guy at work. I(f) work with this guy(m) who makes a lot of sexual comments directed towards me. He actually grabbed my butt roughly 5 times over an 8 hour shift along with grabbing my hips, and touching my stomach. This is the first week we've worked together since we went to different locations. He always used to make some kind of sexual comment when we firsted worked together. Now hes very touchy. He gets mad if you even try to say no to a hug. Should I report him? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 1854,"Title: Should I send this text to my rapist? Text: Almost a month after my fucked up encounter with this guy (which I've shared here before) he texted me this morning to say good morning. I am not sure if he knows what he did was rape. But I want him to know. So maybe he won't hurt other people how he hurt me. So that's why I'm debating texting him this. But I know that sending the text will make me more anxious as I worry about possible revenge porn. Here's the text. I want some advice before I send it. Is this a bad idea? Is there no point at the end of the day because he's just an evil motherfucker? Thank you in advance for your feedback. Hey. I didn't think you would text me again because I thought you realized that how you acted the night we met up was pretty fucked up, but just in case you don't get it, I'll lay it out for you. 1. You jammed your cock in my ass with no preparation or lube. How you've gone 50 years of your life without realizing that's a fucked up thing to do seems impossible to me, so I have to assume you did that on purpose and you don't care if you seriously hurt people. And then you kept going while I was trying not to panic because of how intense the pain was, when I was doubled over, trying not to cry. I told you I couldn't handle it, and that wasn't roleplay, because at the start of the night I told you I didn't want to do anything too kinky. And even if you are going to do a CNC scene with someone, you have a conversation about safe words and boundaries first. That was me telling you I couldn't handle it. And you stuck your cock back in anyway. 2. You came inside me even though I said that was only okay if you got tested right before we met up. You didn't get tested. I've had to be on 30 days of HIV prevention meds as a result. 3. The fact that you have videos on your FetLife of people who didn't consent goes to show that you don't think the people you fuck are human. You don't care about them and their boundaries. I've been a Dom, and I know how you should treat the people submitting to you. I know how you have a conversation first and how, if someone is freaking out or in major pain, you pause and check in. You don't just keep going. Especially if it's a first time with someone. I set clear boundaries with you both over the phone and in-person: unless you're tested, don't come inside me. Anal would need to be a slow process. No kink while drunk/stoned. And you disregarded all of those boundaries. The way you treat the people you sleep with is fucked up, and no one should trust you near their body. You're a rapist. Do not contact me again. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1855,"Title: I don't want to Text: So my sister loves halloween and last year I had Rsv and couldn't go trick or treating with her but this year I'm healthy except I've had absolutely no water today aside from a tiny sip this morning and I've been cutting severely the past few days and I've lost a lot of blood and I really don't wanna go trick or treating but in a few weeks I'm gonna tell my therapist that I've been cutting and she said if I cut again that I'll have to go to an inpatient thing. So I'm trying to make up for last year and also trying to have some fun with my mom and sister but I really really don't want to go out. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1856,"Title: My rapist gets along great with my Mom Text: Met a guy at work. Yes I was into him but as he was married, I settled for friendship. My mom met him when she picked me up one night and instantly loved him. Flash forward and we’re spending lots of time together as he’s always at my house doing repairs or odd jobs for my mom. He’s never flirty or inappropriate and I began to see him as a brother. It never occurred to me that all the time we spent together, we’d never been alone. When he came to drop off the laptop he’d been repairing for my mom, I let him in without hesitation. He sat the computer on the table and strolled thru the house eventually grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. You here alone? He asked me. When I replied that I was I felt something shift in his body language. He pulled me to him and said he’d been hoping to get me alone for ages. Before I could stop him his lips were on my neck and his hands were all over me. I’ll skip the sordid details but he eventually carried me to my room where he raped me. He “finished” only a few moments before we heard my mom return home. He quickly zipped and ran to greet her. My bedroom door was ajar enough for me to see him kiss her on the cheek on his way out. I feel sick and disgusted. Later that night my mom said with a sly smile, I saw Dre was here earlier, did I see him leave your room? She thinks we hooked up and I don’t know how to tell her the truth. I feel so silly for ever being attracted to him and introducing him to my family. I want to tell her but I can’t find the words. He texted me the heart eyes emoji later that night and my mom mentioned that although we’re having a smaller thanksgiving gathering due to covid, he’s definitely on the guest list. I just don’t know what my next move should be For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_ongoing Question 1857,"Title: Exam stress and depression Text: I have been feeling really low lately. All the hard work I did throughout the year is gone in seconds. For the context, I am giving exams for my first year of A level and they all have been going so bad. I was doing very well in all my subjects throughout the year. I even did well in the mocks. However, then I realised that my school was just giving us easy tests and exams at the end and now I am scared of failing. It was too late to change anything. Since Monday I have been crying almost every day because of how badly my exams went. I am very depressed and anxious about how my life is going to be. 😭😭😭😭 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1858,"Title: Relapse Text: Yesterday I ruined my almost 70 day clean streak. This is probably one of the longest steaks I’ve had since I started almost 8 years ago. But pretty much I worked my ass of in inpatient and residential then php from beginning of march to end of august on my mental health, new diagnosis of bpd, my anorexia and getting my sh under control. I feel like I just threw all of that hard work away just because of one emotionally heightened moment where I felt like I had no other choice than to act in my urges. Also one reason why my urges are so high today is because I’m so upset with myself over relapsing. Ughhhh. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1859,"Title: Abused feeling like they aren't being abused Text: I believe my friend is being abused for the following reasons: - he got drunk and humiliated her, derided her and tried to make her jealous on a night out. - he then came home drunk and was locked out so decided to break in to her home. - within a week they were back together and going on a holiday together - they recently broke up again because he defaulted on his promises to ""never drink again"" - they are now back together. She doesn't believe it's abuse because ""she can be very mean and has a bad temper and probably provokes him alot"" She maintains ""I know it's toxic, but we're both like that. It always happens but we always come back"" Is this abuse? Or am I just seeing things? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1860,"Title: I have several, (discolored) scars on my arm, Do I have to go to a mental hospital? Text: I mean, If I cut myself, and one day, if I have an ACTUAL scar that make my parents find out and yell at me, Would I be sent to a mental hospital (they also think I’m stupid because I think low of myself) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 1861,"Title: I don’t want to be here anymore Text: At first I never thought about suicide, then it got to the point where it was a thought but a crazy one and now I’m at the point where it doesn’t seem crazy at all it just seems peaceful. I’m at the point where I’m actually thinking about how I’ll do it maybe I’ll give everything another month and see if I change my mind For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1862,"Title: Actively scanning the area for somewhere I can access to jump. Text: I’ve given up on the overdose approach. It’s too risky and accessing drugs online is difficult with a maxed out card. I am going to start brainstorming letters and try to pick a date. I’m scared but being alive is a prison sentence that only gets worse. I’m loosing my job in a few weeks again so I have to do it soon. Just wanted to put it out there so I can be seen somewhere. Empathy is good but please don’t drop anecdotes like “it gets better.” Empathy is fine. Just need to not feel alone right now. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1863,"Title: I tried to watch ""I am not a rapist"" on BBC iPlayer, thinking it wouldn't trigger me and I'm an *IDIOT*... Text: Gah! What the hell was I thinking? The whole fucking documentary (ON THE BBC FFS) is about the three of the ""estimated up to 8%"" of people falsely accused of rape (which is bullshit as the rate, as far as I know, is less than 1%)... also ""up to 8%"" is like an ""up to 8% sale"", which means you could have everything on for... I dunno... LESS THAN ONE FUCKING PERCENT and still not be \*technically\* wrong... \*wine\* Cool...back to it... Look, I know that each of us sharing our stories is a \*really fucking healthy\* way of getting over a traumatic experience, I mean \*like being raped\* and yet there is an \*HOUR LONG DOCUMENTARY TRENDING ON IPLAYER\* ABOUT THE FUCKING EIGHT PEOPLE OUT OF 100 WHO MAY HAVE NOT DONE IT???? Dear Aunty, where the \*fuck\* is your coverage of the other \*92%?!?!?!?!\* Sincerely, A human who has been raped ​ For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1864,"Title: My BFF believes her boyfriend over me Text: Two weeks ago I told my BFF I was sexually harassed for months by her now current boyfriend. I told her about the pictures, videos, comments and DMs he sent me for months on end. I finally blocked him when he sent me a video of him having sex with another woman. I no longer have the account as it was taken down by IG. But I blocked him two years ago and have not spoken to him since. I didn’t block him from the 1st sexual message because I was new in the business community and I didn’t want to cause drama. I was a newbie and just wanted it to go away so I never said anything else about it back then. Fast forward to this year and I find out he has been hosting parties at my BFFs house. I messaged her and told her I would not be attending and that I explained what this guy did to me. Her only response was “lol wow men are crazy.” When I told her this information I had no idea they were even dating because this guy is actually MARRIED. The night of the actual party in question it turns out he did the same thing to another one of our mutual friends. Then last night My BFF sent me a cease and desist letter from a fake email account last night, threatening legal action if I don’t stop telling people about what he did to me. I’m not sure what to do now. I’m trying to let it go, but I think I should of filed a police report two years ago when it first happened- do you guys think I should file one now?? At this point I don’t have the text messages anymore it’s been two years and it’s basically he said/she said. But I do have other women coming forward to me telling me their experiences. Any advice?? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 1865,"Title: I can’t live like this Text: my whole life, I’ve struggled with social cues and forming/maintaining relationships, platonic or otherwise. I’ve never been tested for autism or something related and never had the support or treatment for help with this. I feel like I can’t make up for missing out on 20 years of social interaction. All of my relationships are doomed to fail. I have goals in life, but what’s the point if I won’t have anybody to share them with? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1866,"Title: Is this domestic violence ? I need help Text: My partner of 10 years, and husband of 3 of those 10, was/is abusive I believe . But I need help because this is all new to me. Basically, he started having an emotional and possibly physical affair with one of my childhood best friends for 2 years during our marriage. During the affair , he would call me crazy and gaslight me telling me it was not happening. This went on for so long I started questioning my reality and my own judgement . I began to think it was my fault and I was crazy. I then started having panic attacks, anxiety, feeling very anxious around him specifically, decrease appetite, and insomnia. As I started pulling away from him because of this, he has become more controlling. Monitoring where I am, who I am with, and closely monitoring finances. When I am pulling away, he changes his tone and is very kind to me and says he will do anything to keep me. It has been an ongoing cycle for a time though. There has been no physical abuse. There is much more detail to this but that’s the TLDR. Is this domestic violence ? If so, where can I find virtual support groups for DV? Thanks in advance ! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1867,"Title: I want to commit suicide Text: How many stories would I have to jump from for it to be instant death? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1868,"Title: Empty Text: I know I'm not dumb. I know I'm average, so I can accomplish some things as an average person does. The problem is that I'm still empty. I lack volition. A part of me realizes I'm wasting something, but I can't understand what exactly I'm wasting. I was in a worse place about 5 years ago and I survived. Nowadays I work out, I try to study, I work, I'm here venting. But I'm still empty. In fact, I'm getting emptier, if you know I mean. Everything is crumbling down again. I can't concentrate. I can't care. I keep thinking about killing myself every day now. As hilarious as it is, I'm afraid to do that. Not because I think life can be worth living. I don't want to talk about value here. I'm as afraid of dying as I am of living. I'm not explaining myself well. Anyway, I'm getting horrified. I can't even explain myself. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1869,"Title: THEY KNOW!!! Text: I was whispering in the shower (which is adjacent to my parents’ bedroom) and UNBENOUNCED TO ME THERE IS A HUGE ECHO!!! THEY HEARD ME TALKING ABOUT MY DEPRESSION AND SELF-HARM AND I’M FREAKING OUT!! WHAT DO I DO?!? They didn’t hear everything, but they heard enough to know I’m not okay and I’m fucking terrified!! My parents are really nosy when they suspect that I’m unhappy, so lame excuses won’t work! What do I do?!? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1870,"Title: I asked a women’s shelter for help and… Text: I don’t know if I got really unlucky with the person who “helped” over the phone or it is really really hard to ask for help here. They said that they couldn’t help me because my husband hasn’t told me that he’s going to kill Me, point a gun to my face or actually hit me. So they referred me to a support group and a counselor who’s going to help me plan my escape. My husband is an alcoholic who fights me everyday and he even does it in front of my kid (I told them that and they didn’t even care). I feel like I’m walking on eggshells everyday, waiting for the day that he will snap and hit me. So the plan is that I get a job and hide the money (because he also financially abuses me) and then I get myself out of this situation. I have a 3 year old and I’m freaking pregnant. He doesn’t want to pay for daycare, I’m the daycare. To move out, I need 3 times the rent and I need to prove I make 3 times the rent monthly. Rent in my area, the cheapest is 2k a month. So you’re saying, that I have to, somehow make 6k have a job that pays me also, 6k a month, and all this while taking care of a 3 year old and pregnant? Oh and I need to do this without my husband finding out and hide the money? Oh and be careful of the legal aspect because if he fights for custody I can’t fucking move out of here until the case is close??? So why do I even pay taxes??? Are we really going to wait until this man does something worse to take me seriously? Fuck your help, I hate this system, I wish he left us or hit me once, so I can be free at least For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1871,"Title: Where can you get inert gases Text: Not uust inert gases nitrogen anything that 8 can inhale to kill msyelf quiclly panlessly For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1872,"Title: I just cried over pencil sharpeners Text: It’s late, past 12 and i forgot to bring the pencil sharpeners I bought back into the house so it was still in the car and I CRIED when my sister said “why do you need it now?” “Just wait till the morning”. I need the peace of mind of having it here incase I need it to cut. I needed to remove the blade. I’m realizing how not in control I am anymore. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1873,"Title: my friend helped me sanitize my cuts Text: I feel really good right now but also very nervous and anxious. she's the first person I've showed my cuts to, and she's the first person to know. I was out of bandages so i asked her if she could bring me some, and she asked why, i just looked at her and she understood what happened. She was really understanding about it, and she was like ""you can talk to me if you need to"" and she didn't just gave the bandages, she brought me to her home and sanitized my cuts and put the bandage on my wrists. fr she's so sweet, she's the first person that i met at school that i actually genuinely like as a friend. i still feel a bit anxious that she knows about it, but she was really nice and supportive so it kinda makes me feel better so yea i just wanted to share this :) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1874,"Title: HE DIDNT LOVE ME Text: He didn’t care if I was safe or happy. He wanted to tear me down, didn’t want to see me grow. He insulted me, broke my things, and physically hurt me. He only saw in the relationship what he could get out of it. He hated me and I thought it was love. No idea what love even looks like for real. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1875,"Title: feel stupid Text: Self harmed and then had a panic attack which I thought was something else and called 911. Paramedics agreed it was a panic attack after a stroke test and I started to calm down while they were here. So had them leave and now I just feel shameful for wasting time. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 1876,"Title: How can I hide cuts at the pool? Text: Okay, I know this sounds like an impossible question but I need to hide fresh wounds at the pool, and no, unfortunately i dont have one of those swimming tops with sleeves. My final resort is probably gonna be to act sick to try and not go (strict parents), but a bit of help would be nice, thank you :) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1877,"Title: Potential for Parole… Text: My ex has a parole board hearing next Thursday, which is only four months after he was sentenced to 10 years in prison. He’s been in jail less than one year. This feels like a bad fucking joke. My attorney said I have the right to make a statement but I don’t even know what to say at this point. I just want to move on and I feel like seeing him is going to be extremely triggering. At the same time, I feel obligated to speak my piece so the board knows how impactful his abuse was towards me. Because he basically held me hostage, I lost my job, my apartment, had no way to contact friends or family (since he had tossed my phone), and he was often violent. But I’m scared to see him and spiral back into the hole I’ve been trying to climb out from over this last year. What do I do? :( For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1878,"Title: Guys! I did I week without self harm! Text: I did it :D For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 1879,"Title: I’m gonna kill myself Text: Everything is fucking shit. All my “friends” ignore me. School sucks. I already have everything prepared. I need help For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1880,"Title: My husband threatened the lives of me and his kid. It’s like his family is living in a different reality Text: Last Saturday, my husband was arrested for throwing me around the kitchen with our son in his arms, then later pointing a loaded 12 gauge shotgun at me with the safety off. When he pulled the gun I was holding our toddler, so I ran out of the house with the baby, shoeless on our road and hid behind the closest neighbors work barn, all the while scared that the neighbor might shoot me too for trespassing. While my son wasn’t severely injured, my husband was charged with a felony for injuring him recklessly, as well as 3 misdemeanor. Either way, he was on probation when he did this and is looking at serious prison time. Im fortunate that I was the one who had the visible injuries and not the baby. When the sheriffs department showed up, they had to draw their guns on him because he was still holding the firearm on our back porch. When they told me the gun was loaded I wanted to puke. This was someone who was familiar with firearms all his life, taught me how to shoot, taught me the basics of “safety always on, always treat it like it’s loaded, and never point it at something you don’t want dead or a hole through.” He was pointing it at me and the baby. The scariest part was the rage he had on his face while assaulting me was gone, when he had the gun it was totally devoid of emotion. I think that will always be something burned into my memory. My son and I were granted an EPO, and CPS came and wrote up a safety plan for my son and I. Because I don’t have family in the state we were living, I am going to my home state and staying with my parents indefinitely. Thankfully, he can’t cry kidnapping because he has no rights as long as the protective order is in place. I plan to file for a restraining order when I get to my parents home, and was given resources to free legal services. I began the divorce process yesterday. I’m sure I’ll give less of a shit when I’m home with my family, but I swear my in laws are out of their fucking minds. They really think it’s possible for us to reconcile. One went as far to try to tell me that I shouldn’t talk to CPS because I’m on anxiety medication and they can take the baby, as if my proactivity for my mental health is a danger to my son like pulling a gun is. My social worker scoffed when I told her that. My mother in law told me my husband is heartbroken that the felony charge he is facing is related to him hurting the baby, and asked if there was anything I could do to call them and tell them that he’d never hurt our son on purpose. I told her, no, because that’s what the reckless part covers. It doesn’t matter that he didn’t mean to step on/knock the baby over while he was beating me up, it means he did while doing something dangerous and wrong. I shit you not, my father in law called me the night of and tried to make it a “it’s both of y’all” thing and make me feel guilty that I called the cops and he’s probably going to do prison time. I know family is biased but they are on another planet. Do they not understand that their son/brother/whatever could’ve gone from drunk wife beater to convicted murderer? Of his son no less? Idk, but I had to block all but one. The delusion is disgusting, disrespectful and disturbing. I can’t take it For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","childabuse_endangerment_ongoing, domesticviolence_ongoing" Question 1881,"Title: Having a hard day Text: I saw my rapist on my Facebook under the “people you may know”. He’s with a girl and smiling so hard. It makes me so upset and mad. Like he gets to be happy but I have to live with this PTSD. I literally saw his picture and started having a panic attack and I can’t shake this gross feeling. I blocked him so I won’t have to deal with this again but it frustrates me so much that I have to deal with this in the first place. I’m on vacation and trying to have a good time but now I’m back in this headspace. I just needed to vent to people who understand so thank you for reading if you did. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1882,"Title: My husband justifies abusing me Text: My husband is abusing me I (44F) met my best friend (42M) 23 years ago. About 5 years ago, we took it to the next level and had a romantic relationship. It was a bad choice, lasted about six months, and afterwords we have stayed friends. The trouble now is that I married (31M) last year and he’s gotten progressively more abusive. Started with calling me a stupid fucking cunt, then bruises on my arms and face, biting me, etc. He’s tried to put trackers on my phone and insists I’ve cheated. He threatened to divorce me if I didn’t cut male best friend out of my life and I put my foot down and refused. He finally told me last night that even though he’s going to the totally nude strip club, bought drinks for strippers, and smoked meth while he was out traveling for work, me hanging out with my best friend that I was at one short point romantically involved with is the reason why he is abusive. He said it causes him to feel like he’s being disrespected, so he doesn’t feel that he has to respect me. He said what I am doing to him is so much more disrespectful than him buying drinks for strippers or putting his hands on me. I feel like I’m in the twilight zone. Will someone tell me that it’s OK for me to get away from this man and that me being friends with a man that I was involved with for six months, five years ago, and have been friends with for over 20 years is not a reason for him to put bruises and bite marks on me. TLDR My husband thinks it’s okay to abuse me because I won’t “respect “ him For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1883,"Title: does anyone else not cry when they harm? Text: i’ve heard of people who sob while they do it, but i’ve never once shedded a year while i did it, just kinda stared numbly ig For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1884,"Title: I finally reported my rapist Text: I finally reported my first rapist to the police after a really long time. He hurt me so bad I fainted once I was home. It was my first time and I bled so much. He used me and thought he wouldn’t get in trouble because I would be too scared to tell the police but I’m not going to let my fear enable a rapist to be untouched or invisible to the police. I’m scared and anxious but very proud of myself. Even if he doesn’t get in trouble hopefully he will be too scared to mess with anyone else. It’s currently an ongoing investigation so I don’t know much but I’m trying not to get my hopes up. Rapists don’t get convicted often or easily but it will still be on the record. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1885,"Title: Sex after abuse Text: This might be a little bit of a weird question. After being in an abusive relationship, it feels strange to have sex with new people. I’ve had sex maybe twice after the fact, and it was with an ex who I was comfortable with. The sex I was used to have with the not so good guy was very strange looking back, I thought I liked it aggressive and I don’t really think I do, I think it was just influenced by him. It was consensual, it’s just I found out I wasn’t into it especially speaking in context of the strange behavior he had-not during sex. I met a new guy, and he is super sweet and caring. I trust him and want to take the next step with him, has anyone had this experience? What is it like? He does understand a little bit about my past and is fully accepting of any accommodations he would need to make. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1886,"Title: hormone-related episodes make me feel like i’m faking it all. Text: i know it’s because of my hormones and that it’s normal or whatever. but the moment someone says that, or i say it myself, it’s like everything i feel becomes invalid. it’s just hormones. it feels like i can’t be depressed because i don’t have a “good enough” reason to be. i know that’s the depression talking, but i really wish she would shut up. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1887,"Title: My gf was raped Text: My gf was raped and I have the address of the guy who did it ( this is serious and please no jokes a would appreciate it message me or you wanna talk) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1888,"Title: It's over. I lost everything. Text: My girlfriend doesn't love me ""like that"" anymore. We've been together 9 years. She wants me to move out and has actually been nice about it. Not nasty etc. I feel like I'm losing everything. Her, my children, dog and all the stuff we accumulated over the past decade. The only option I see is death, but I don't want to die but it's all I can think about. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1889,"Title: I am 37 and about to lose everything that matters to me Text: I am on the verge of losing everything and I cannot bear it: 1. My mother, who is slowly dying of Parkinson's 2. My job. My contract is up May 31. I am a college instructor, but I cannot teach next year because there are no openings due to declining enrolment 3. My identity as a teacher. There are no jobs in what I teach that can sustain me financially. And I *love* to teach. 4. My apartment. I can barely afford rent as it is, and since I have no savings, I can't renew my lease, which is up on July 31. 5. My health insurance, which I'll lose with my job. This also means losing access to my shrink (I have bipolar disorder). 6. My access to a university library to do research 7. Related to 6, my identity as a scholar -- I can't write and produce scholarship with no job or place to live That's everything that matters to me in this world, and it's all going to be gone soon. Every single thing. I don't have many friends, no partner or anything. I live alone. I have been suicidal, off and on, since I was 12. That's over 2/3 of my life. I cannot stand it anymore. Everything I had to live for is gone. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1890,"Title: a weird type of embarassment Text: Anyone feel a weird type of shame when they want validation but then feel embarrassed? Like it feels validating when someone says ""im sorry but yes what happened to you was rape"" but then feel embarrassed by wanting that validation? Its a weird tug of war and just one of the confusing aspects of sexual assault. EDIT : Can you guys not share this? Please and thank you 😊 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1891,"Title: Today at school I experienced unwanted touching Text: Earlier today at school I experienced unwanted touching when the girl sitting next to me lifted up my jumper and squeezed my thigh and then proceeded to squeeze my leg I know it’s really minor but I want to know what I should do about it For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 1892,"Title: jusr relapsed for the first time in 7 years. Text: on my 18th birthday i got a tattoo commemorating all the hell i’ve been through— abuse, mental illness, etc. but tonight i decided to fuck up that tattoo. i have scars from my previous self harms, and i’m secretly hoping i can reach the fat so i can cross some words out. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1893,"Title: Why the hell do I feel this way? Text: I talked to a trusted family member today about the disaster my life has become and they said something that I hadn't considered before. She mentioned the shame of being in an abusive relationship as she talked about her own prior abusive marriage. I will preface this with I am positive my wife thinks I'm an abuser. I am a deeply flawed person that is seeking more help than I thought I needed. But I know with absolute certainty I am not. I am a kind, empathetic, understanding, caring, loving husband and father. I have never in my life hurt anybody physically and even the unintentional things I've done I completely acknowledge, seek to change, and most importantly, let my wife know that her feelings are valid and is my job to make sure she feels supported and cared for no matter what. What is the point of a marriage of your can't do even that!? She is my best friend and I love her with every fiber of my being. With that out of the way I really need to get it out there, to somebody in the ether I guess, that I am completely traumatized by so much of what she put me through. Years of intentional sleep deprivation. I've been shoved, hit grabbed, bitten, told I should just die. And to me calling this abuse makes me feel weak. Like I'm some sort of victim. I am not an abuse victim. But I carry so much shame. I can never predict when she is going to wake up and start pounding on the bed and scream to me and tear the covers off and let me know how much she hates me. I said today that I feel shame. Shame for being a man and feeling so weak. Shame for not knowing how I'm supposed to own up to the fact that I let these things happen to me. I cannot completely express how much I absolutely love my wife and family. Surely nobody I love could ever intentionally do these things, right? I was asked where I feel this shame and the very first thing that came to my mind was my feet. I don't know why. It's just there. I am so tired and my heart is so broken. Of everything that makes me imperfect I feel shame and sadness. I feel like if I was a better person she wouldn't treat me this way. So in that regard I must deserve it. She still to this day accuses me of gaslighting her. Lying to her. Making up things that didn't happen. She's frustrated there aren't cameras or audio to prove I'm a liar. She wants us to take polygraphs. I know I'm not detached from reality. I know what happened. All of it. I even wrote to myself several times. Why would I want to try and make something up that is terrible about my best friend? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1894,"Title: Don't know if this was rape or just normal sex Text: I thought I had a normal consensual relationship with my ex bf (he was 18M, I was 14F). However, many years later I'm now realizing I was basically groomed and coerced into many sexual situations. Something I'm particularly wondering about is one situation. During sex, I asked him ""can you stop?"" because it was painful. He said ""no, but I can slow down."" I'm just wondering if this is technically rape or if this is normal. I feel as though he should have stopped when I asked. Thanks for any help. I'm still dealing with some fallout from that garbage fire of a relationship. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 1895,"Title: Looking for friends Text: Been really lonely lately, just want someone to chat with... For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1896,"Title: got yelled at for self harming last night Text: I've been self harming for almost 4 years. My mom has been supportive of me and always says she is there to help but when ever I go to her for help she always lectures me, then she asks why I don't go to her. I don't feel like I can most of the time. The other night she found out I relapsed. She cried and left the house, she said she had to go run to the store. I left and we sisnt talk ab it till last night. We were texting and she brought it up and started to yell at me. She was telling me how dangerous it is (which it is) and how selfish I was being. She told me that I had to stop and I tried to explain to her that self harm was an addiction like any other and that I can't just stop but sje wasn't having it. She continued to yell at me and said that of it was an addiction she should put me in rehab, implying a hospital. I don't even remember the rest of the conversation I was bawling my eyes out at that point. Today (I was sick) I slept most of the day and I only came out if my room a little bit ago to get some food. My mom came into the room and as much as I was upset I still said hi, and she didn't say anything. Then she left and came back with her keys, and I asked her where she was going. She didn't even reply till she was already out the door and just said she had to go to the store. She hasn't said anything since and won't talk to me. I've tried to explain it to her so many times but she just doesn't understand, and she won't take my word. She just doesn't believe me or something? I so t k ow what she thinks. She said she wasn't mad but she looked it, or at least disappointed in me. I dont know what to do about anything. My mom and I are usually super close but she seems like she is done with me. Spelling For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1897,"Title: Urgent - Tics, OCD, compulsions, paralysis…help! Text: Hi guys, I'm writing this post today with the hope that some people will be able to connect with the current symptoms and nightmare that I've been living with for the past 3 months and help me decipher what the hell is actually going on. 2 years ago, something pretty traumatic happened to me. I was shocked by the situation, but still pretty lucid and 'normal'. While this traumatic situation was going on, I made the mistake to smoke CBD ""joints"" to spend time while I was trying to figure out what I was going to do: huge mistake. One of these joints sent me on a long way down to hell, and it seems like it's only worsening with time. First things first , it all started with feeling 'weird' after I had smoked, followed by a huge panick attack. This attack brought on huge insomnia crisis (plural) that would last up to 7-10 days where I'd be able to sleep roughly 30 min/night and send me into a sinkhole of more anxiety and trauma/fear. I spent months into this 'bizarre' and traumatic state until it 'calmed' little by little, and let place to a pretty sudden...OCD. I freaked the fuck out. I always had heard of it but never felt or understood it. And suddendly, I had to think a certain thing, being in a certain place, watching a precise spot for it to feel 'right'. Then followed all the different and infamous hand washing, door closing, counting, decrypting, perfecting & co OCD. The compulsions turnover was absolutely insane and litteraly absolutely everything went through it: my ability to project things in my mind, my thoughts, my thoughts process, my vision, my eyes, my texts, my reading, my writing...I went insane and at some point to accept using Zoloft to help myself out. (Note: Since the OCD started, I've been feeling daily insane movement and pressure inside my head, cracking, popping, you name it. I felt it daily and I'm still feeling it to this day and no psychiatrist is able to put a name on what it could possibly be. Also, anytime I would try not indulge a compulsion, my brain would trigger this 'suffering' feeling and start making me do the action of crying for a few seconds.) The Zoloft helped the 'physical' compulsion but not the mental ones. Also, I started having weird brain contractions and head movement appearing little by little. After 10 months on Zoloft, I decided to try something different because it helped but...it was still not quite that. So I made a move and decided to go for a switch on Effexor/Venlafaxine - huge mistake. After a couple of weeks while switching from Sertraline to Venlafaxine, I started feeling dreadful anxiety again. Not only that, but my head movements, jerks & co started increasing more and more. After a couple of months (and still upping my dose little by little to complete this transition between the two medications), not only my anxiety kept on raising, but my brain started shutting down my eyes and do some crazy eye movements/vibrations, then came blinking, mouth movement....I started really freaking out again and decided to backpedal and roll back on Zoloft. While I was backpedaling on my medication, my brain contraction started getting worse and worse, I would stay stuck looking at something/someone, stuck looking behind my back, stuck while doing an action or contracting/stretching (impossible to stop it), and the worse of the worse, paralysed: impossible to move. I've stayed stuck in places for hours in the same position and my body/eyes would start shaking like crazy if I'd try to force and move, and intense anxiety will start going through my body. I also recently had yelling that came out as a reaction of trying to force it out as well. Overall, anytime I think of doing an action, my brain will contract and stop me from doing it. I will force, I won't be able to do it or at least not at all in a normal way, and I will stay stuck trying to do it until I manage, which will make my brain contract even more and involve so much suffering and anxiety. I'm getting so desperate and sad, I'm unable to take care of myself hygienically, eat properly, do any activities or socialise because of all this since 3 full months and it's really starting to have a huge toll on me. All these symptoms remained despite me getting back on Zoloft for 2 months and the anxiety is either high or super high. I tried Levetiracetam during a week and it didn't help much. I tried Quietapine during a week and I started feeling sick of life. I need help. What is going on and how can I stop this? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1898,"Title: has anyone tried cutting open an itching scar just to stop the itching? Text: I know this is disorderd thinking, lol but I'm considering cutting open two slices just because of how itchy they're being. It's counterproductive but I'm just so frustrated. I prefer the pain more than the itch. I see why this can be repetitively addicting. Has anyone done it? Did it fuck your skin up even more? the rest are already fading except for these two lines. I read moisturizer helps but what can I do to make the bump flatten and fade completely? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1899,"Title: Feeling like I'm burning when awake but specifically when trying to sleep and waking up from drug induced sleep Text: Hi everybody, Recently I've been suffering pure hell because of this condition. I've also seriously considered suicide taking into account my condition advances at a fair rate. After extracting 3 teeth upper molars and possibly breaking some tissue in the Left Maxillary Sinus in the face, I was still able to sleep relatively normal. I also have to mention I stopped smoking cannabis after a long period of usage with high frequency (about 8 years and almost every single day, the whole day basically). About a week or so into this suffering, I started experiencing weird symptoms regarding my sleep. I woke up with my hands, feet and face sort of burning, it was kind of a numb feeling, but leaning more towards temperature. Fast-forward a week or so, and I was literally unable to achieve sleep anymore. When I try to sleep, anywhere, any position at any time of the day, I start feeling like my arms, legs or face are burning, a physical neuropathic burn (Because there are no external factors), like someone threw very hot water onto you. Then my heartbeat starts racing, and back then, I could get maybe 1 hour, maximum 2 hours of sleep if I went through all that hell, and I woke up in the same hell, my extremities burning, and also, a tinnitus on the left ear (The side of the ear this big dental surgery that damaged my maxillary sinus occurred). Some weeks later into the current days, and now I feel this burn in the day, when awake. And the tinnitus worse. That's why I suspect nerve damage. Nowadays I can only sleep using Alprazolam (Xanax) 1.5 mg (I went 1 mg but my feelings awake now are worse so I just went for that...). I know it's a dangerous drug, but It's the only one so far that has helped achieved some kind of sleep. When I wake up from this sleep, the burn is intense in my arms (but it can be anywhere, it fluctuates), and if I want to go back to sleep, the burn is still there and I can't go back to sleep anymore. I basically wake up burning in literal hell. This is a bit of Fatal Insomnia mixed with Neuropathic Pain of some origin. Because my brain now FEARS sleep unaided. Aside from the burning, which any brain would fear. My life is completely ruined as of now, it's going very very down from here on. I'm spending a lot of money on medical studies, none have been successful in identifying the cause of my condition, let alone anything to treat it. I don't have a lot of money and like everybody, have bills to pay. I just can't continue spending money on medical issues because I have a family to provide for, and the medical studies have basically rendered nothing of use so far. I hope at least the few CT and MRI scans I had would serve any purpose in the grand scheme of things, but I don't know what will be of them. I feel close to death every single day, and my feelings of anxiety, pain, fear, panic are all CAUSED by the symptoms, not the reverse. The pain I feel is 99% and any thoughts involved might only contribute 1% to that pain. I could show you all the images of my MRI and CT scans, what I find (because doctors here can't find anything), all the studies I've made, you can just contact me and I'll provide. Or if you know of any Neurologist or Neurosurgeon that can help, Or if you feel these conditions yourself, that would be of great help. If you've read through this, I appreciate your time wholeheartedly. May you have a blessed life. I pray for everyone every day despite being (or feeling) so close to death. I understand some of us will receive miracles and some don't. I am very afraid to be stripped from my family at 32 years old age, when I was the happiest I've ever been in my life and working my ass off willingly and pleasurably to provide for the family I wanted to build for many more years. My wife and my daughter will be crushed if I kill myself or this disease takes me away. A swift death would've been better than watching them be crushed emotionally and psychologically from it. I'm begging for help. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1900,"Title: sexual harassment and potential for grooming in online games Text: Spoiler aleert!! Link contains offensive language and images. [https://bullyingandharassmentinonlinegaming.wordpress.com](https://bullyingandharassmentinonlinegaming.wordpress.com) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1901,"Title: I hate it here Text: No one cares about me, all my friends have stopped communicating with me, I feel left out. Broke my leg a few months ago no one bothered to even check up on me. I was left alone during break and lunch hours at school for about 3 months just alone with my thoughts contemplating about life. My birthday passed not even a single soul except my parents wished me a birthday. I have no one to talk to or share my feelings to, I'm all alone. I've tried everything but nothing seems to work. This has been happening for years now and I feel hopeless For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1902,"Title: still want to die Text: just putting it out there For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1903,"Title: after this is posted, I will kill myself. Text: Death is the only way I can get rid of the constant pain, anger. And heartache I feel. The thought that death can get rid of all my problems makes me happy and that's all that matters. My roommate will find me soon. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1904,"Title: You are more than the things that are ""wrong"" with you Text: For whoever needs to hear this today: You are VALID and you are VALUABLE! Do not let yourself be defined by your diagnosis. You are more than just a collection of the things that are ""wrong"" with you. You are a person, and you are who you are in spite of these things, not because of them. Never let anyone belittle you because of your struggles. You are STRONGER than the people who ""grit their teeth and bear it"" because they have not had to jump the same hurdles as you to get where you are. It is NEVER shameful or weak to ask for help. Anyone who tells you otherwise has forgotten that they once had to be spoon fed as a child or has forgotten how many times they've had to ask their grandchildren to fix their computer. Stay the path. It may be long, it may come with unexpected turns, but eventually there is light at the end. You are valid. You are valuable. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1905,"Title: Is this normal after rape? Text: In short - I was raped before, now the thought of it is also kind of something I think about it a lot during sex, Is this normal? Longer version I was raped before, twice actually now that I remember one of them recently, I was really high at the time. Now when I think about it happening I get in a mood idk if this is normal but I hate myself for thinking it.. It literally makes me think maybe I brought both those times upon myself.. idk what to think.. It seriously changed how I view sex and my likes and my mental outlook on relationships with guys and what I like.. Like my limits sexually feel non existent... idk what's wrong with me.. Has anyone else had this experience? Like I really wanna know so ik if I'm like this because of my past or this is just who I am, it's really messing with me mentally For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1906,"Title: My marriage is almost at its end Text: After separating from my abusive husband for a long time, I felt such relief and I actually blushed when I the divorce papers finally getting processed. Like I was in love with my next chapter. Is that weird? Who the fuck blushes from divorce papers? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1907,"Title: I’m going to the police station tomorrow. Advice? (trigger warning) Text: I (14M) am going to the police station tomorrow because I told my therapist that I was raped when I was younger (four) and she reported it. I am so scared I don’t know what to do. Can someone tell me what to tell the cops when I see them? Is there anything they can do? EDIT: I am in California, USA For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 1908,"Title: Trigger warning. Need help I don't know what to do and I'm just lost as to how to help her. Advice ideas anything. Please help. Text: So my daughter was raped by a boy in her grade, I'm not sure how to help her. I want to get her mind and body out of the dark whole she's in, yes she's doing therapy yes she's done all the right things but she needs a pick me up, I'm requesting cards of "" you are beautiful, you are amazing you are powerful ect, and she's very into the metaphysical, ghost bead bracelets,chakra, protection and calming jewelry candles tarot ect. Also art. Rainbow anything, positive affirmations, occult, wiccan pagan protection, crystals, resin art, dnd sacred geometry, fun hats, stickers painting. I'm not requesting anything super specific but I'm at a total loss and think if she saw more people care then just mom and dad that maybe she'd start to atleast try living again after the trauma. Thanks for listening. I apologize if I broke any rules thank you for your time and support if you're interested in helping have advice anything I'm completely at a loss and nothing hurts more then listening to the nightmares from her room. If there was a bad juju dream catcher I'd be making 100 if there was a feel better juice I'd spare no expenses I just need to be able to bring some smiles back to her. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1909,"Title: was i raped? Text: It happened 5 years ago. I met a guy on vacation and we spent a nice evening together only talking. We then continued to text each other over the course of the next few months. We both mentioned that we liked each other and that we felt attracted to each other. We decided to meet up in brazil, so i flew there and waited for him in the hotel. I started to feel very bad about the situation and didnt want to meet him anymore. But as i was already there i decided to tell him that this week in Brazil wasnt going to lead anywhere further. That i only wanted to meet him as a friend. However as we met i felt very insecure. I went totally quiet and shy. I just sat on the chair and didnt move a bit. He told me to ""kiss him already"", which i didnt want to do. So he pulled my head towards himself and kissed me, pushed his tongue inside my mouth. I was quite disgusted by it. I didnt kiss him back. But for some reason i was unable to speak up for myself. I didnt actively participate in what followed but i also didnt make him stop. So i sort of went along with what happened. He then pushed my pants down and my panties to the side and just ""did it"". I let it happen but during the whole time i thought ""why is this happening, i dont want this"". It all happened in the matter of a few minutes. I didnt have time to process what was happening, it was so fast. I didnt make a single move towards him. I feel disrespected by him because he just slept with me although i didnt seem like wanting it. I didnt say no nor did i stop him. But: i didnt consent either. I think that by the scared/overwhelmed/frozen look on my face he should have noticed that something was wrong. Afterwards he was like ""haha wow you were like frozen, whats wrong, weve been texting all this time.. Werent you happy to see me?"" So.. Was i raped? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1910,"Title: Everything in my environment makes me wanna hurt myself Text: I tried to challenge myself to stay clean 2 days ago but everyday something is pushing me to the edge and I just have to let it out because I deserve fucking pain For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1911,"Title: Miss someone I shouldn’t Text: I found someone who gets me so much more than he ever did, who loves me in the way I need to be, which he never did, but I still miss him, I still think about him at least once a day, and I hate it. He never loved me. He used me as “something to pass the time” as he put it and I feel so stupid to still miss him sometimes. I understand the feelings I had for him were real, even though they were not reciprocated, and I love my boyfriend now, so much, he has so much patience for me and so much to give, so I can’t help but feel guilty for missing my ex sometimes. Maybe I didn’t allow myself to fully get over him, it’s true, I just wish I could let him go already. He has someone, he’s happy. Maybe he’s not, idk and it doesn’t matter. I just don’t want to remember him anymore. Thank you to whoever reads this, just a bit of feelings to get out For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1912,"Title: relapse Text: It's been around 4-5 years since I stopped. But things have been progressively getting worse for me recently. Last night, though I tried my best to stop the urges, I wasn't able to. It took hours of me just staring blankly on to the blade laid in front of me, fighting the intrusive thoughts as much as I could. And it's kinda funny because I was crying uncontrollably and was immediately stopped by the thought of sh-ing. As though I heard a whisper telling me to do it so that I'd stop crying. Today would be the second day of me going back to this habit. I thought It'd be a one night thing... Yet here I am, staring at my thighs bleed and hurt from the cuts. What's even funnier is that I found myself smiling and laughing while I slowly leave marks on my thighs. After I'm satisfied, that's when I had an anxiety attack as if I was about to pass out. Almost as if my brain registered things late. I want to stop before things gets out of hand. But I also don't want to. I missed this. I missed the pain, the blade, the blood. I needed this and have been craving for it. But I want to stop. 2 days and I'm already foreseeing myself just getting worse and worse each day. Sharing this here because I've nowhere else to go to For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1913,"Title: Issue at my work today Text: I don't know If I can make this sound as intense or serious as it was, but...Today a family came in..a mom, dad and a kid about 3/4(age where he should be communicating more than they were, grunting but happy for a last minute box of milk that mom had grabbed)..It struck me as weird that when I shared my excitement with the child the dad sort of mockingingly/half-heartdly trie to match the enthusiasm..I ended up chalking it up to the little boys communication to may be a disability and went back to work..the mom ended up asking for permission to fill up water cup from anther resturant, looking back I think she was asking HIM for permission.. A few moments later I turn around and there are two other kids with them, quiet, afraid lookijg, like statues...the mom, the little one and the 2nd oldest are standing frozen as the dad js very quietly and quiet obviously scolding the oldest daughter maybe 6 or 7...and I have never seen a look of horror that this child had on her face. I still can n9t shake it 7 hours later...I have never seen a child thus afraid in front of a parent. Ever..The dad gets his drink, goes back to the table, grabs the girl's bookbag and shoves it so hard it pushes her up against the glass and they leave.. ..I do follow them out grab plates number take photos and call police( not sure if they caught up with them).. ..but I am really down on my self for noy doing more at the moment...not sure if I'm going to be able to forgive myself for not doing more. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1914,"Title: I’ve reached my breaking point Text: I can’t even think straight right now. I can’t sleep because of the nausea. My heart has been pounding for two hours and won’t stop. I have just been betrayed in the worst way. I have never felt my heart break like this. I know what I have to do now, but I can’t stand to do it. My life has been a series of unfortunate events. I’m bipolar. My entire life has been, and will forever be, a frantic dogpaddle to stay afloat. I don’t coast. I *can’t* coast. My DNA doesn’t allow it. I think this is it. I think I’m finally done. I’ve used every last reserve, every single last modicum of strength I have in this body. My arms are too tired. It’s time to drown. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1915,"Title: I want to kill myself Text: I hope I pass once I finish this bottle For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1916,"Title: New here, not sure what to hope for Text: I’m mid50s. Dysfunctional nuclear family, half of whom don’t communicate with others, including me to one other. Don’t even live in the same continent as most of my family. I guess I’m the stereotypical cat lady. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1917,"Title: If you became self harm free without others’ help, how did you do it? Text: I’m 15 and I started self harming almost 2 years ago. I do it almost everyday, sometimes I end up doing it 3-5 times a day even. I want to stop but I can’t, I keep trying but I fail to do so. I stopped for 2 months but I felt extremely frustrated so I went back to it. I don’t think forcing myself will help which is why I’m begging for some advice. Also my family isn’t helpful so I’d appreciate things I could do without their help. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1918,"Title: I really want to harm Text: I'm not sure when I last self harmed but I know it was in 2022 sometime before may. I'm really wanting to do it again. I recently went through a lot of trauma that ive just been keeping to myself. I mentioned it to my partner a couple months back. I don't want to talk about it, but what happened also affects her. And she's now asking about it. I have agreed to talk to her about it but only in person but she wants to chat to me over the phone. But I just don't feel safe. It's one of those personal things that I can only talk about face to face. Does anybody relate? Anyway, she's thinking I don't care about her as I'm not letting her in. We are long distance so I can't easily just speak to her in person. But it's killing me inside thinking about it. And now knowing it's affecting her. I really want to cut. I'm not sure what to do For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1919,"Title: My sister won’t report her abusive stalker ex because she’s convinced he will come after her if she does. Text: It’s been a few years since my teenage sister left her abusive ex and he stalked and kidnapped her on multiple occasions. She has since moved away for uni but told me yesterday that she doesn’t want to go home for the summer because she lives in fear of him back home. There are so many things we could report to the police but my sister refuses to report him as she says she fears for her life and it will make it worse. I said they could get a restraining order but she says it can’t stop him from finding her and killing her. She says she just wants to try and put it behind her and that she feels safer at uni living in a different city but I don’t want to let him get away with it and go on to hurt more girls. He has had another relationship after her, and my sister warned the girl but she didn’t believe it. The girl has since contacted my sister about him and his abuse has escalated, but she too said she was too scared to report him. What can we do? Is there a helpline I can call and get advice from? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1920,"Title: i just hit myself rlly hard and i'm panicking Text: idk i'm just a jumble of emotions rn so i smacked my legs and arm as hard as i could and they feel so numb and floaty what do i do For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1921,"Title: Not sure what to do Text: My girlfriend has just told me she was sexually assaulted as a kid (6ish) and I’m not sure what to do in order to help her were teens and I just want to give her the world For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1922,"Title: I need medical advice please Text: So I actually hit beans a few minutes ago. As soon as I saw it I stopped but I'm freaked out and I have no idea how to take care of it. I've only started sh-ing that deep recently (past few weeks) but this is my first time hitting them. I usually have mid-ish deep styro. Any advice would be nice. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1923,"Title: STOP WITH THE CBD SPAM Text: This is probably gonna invite more bots just by me posting here, but I'm honestly disgusted by the ridiculous spam messages about some weird CBD oil company. When someone is posting about their mental health, it takes a lot of courage and mental energy to actually reach out for help. Please stop using these posts to advertise for some random product that is likely not clinically approved as treatment. It is exploitative, predatory and extremely detrimental, and I will actively block and report you. Sorry about the rant, but someone had to say it. UGH. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1924,"Title: I wish i could be like my phone and die. Text: Life is shit my depression is ass and therapy doesent help. Fuck it. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1925,"Title: Can someone give me a reason to live? Text: I don’t want to die but I feel like I have to. My future is bleak and hopeless because of my poor life decisions, I lost interest in everything I used to like and I’m not good or skilled at in anything, and I don’t have anyone in my life that truly cares about me and my well-being. I used to be close to someone but we fell out and I don’t have anyone anymore. I’ve been feeling this way since 2019 and I don’t know how I was able to keep going but I think I’m finally at the end of the line and I’ve reached my breaking point. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1926,"Title: It went on for years Text: My uncle started touching me the day he took me in. My mom had died and my dad had been arrested. It started with him rubbing my privates while he pleasured himself or forcing himself into my mouth. I was homeschooled but his two sons were allowed to attend in person. He didn’t work and wanted private access to me. He eventually got his sons in on the act and while my uncle never penetrated me, he certainly encouraged his boys to. He said i needed to earn my keep. For a long time it was all I knew. The older I got the less I fought until not at all. Eventually my father was released and came to stay with us. My uncle stopped touching me and the boys were away at camp. It was the best summer. I felt safe. When the boys returned, they seemed timid around my father and I had another few weeks of safety. One day it changed and the boys came to “share me” I screamed for help like never before. I was relieved when my dad came running but he stopped at the door and just stared then walked away without stopping them. I eventually ran away, stayed in a shelter, got my GED and therapy and a job. I’m doing ok mentally but still have pretty severe trust issues and have yet to have a romantic relationship I saw someone who resembled my cousin and it brought all these memories up so I just needed to vent For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 1927,"Title: ""We are sorry but..."" anyone know how to get their clothes back? Text: I was raped last year. I'm sorry CPS, I don't give two hoots what you think. Women/girls/boys/men can't - CANNOT - consent when they're blacked out or unconscious. F yourselves. Although it wouldn't be half as painful OR humiliating as what WE'VE been forced through. All I want is to have my clothes returned. They cost more than your stupidity is worth. I've lost enough as it is, without my clothes added to the mix. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1928,"Title: NOT OK Text: I hate waking up and going to work pretending like I’m fine and not recovering from a violently abusive relationship. Every damn day. It’s so hard.😭 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1929,"Title: Anyone else wish they had a friend group? Text: I have never belonged to any group, ever. I'm a bit jealous of people who just have a group of people that they're comfortable with, to hang out with, etc. Hell I don't even have one person in real life. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1930,"Title: Thinking about committing suicide Text: So, before I go on a slander on why I am thinking about killing myself, here's a little summary. My life is hell. Got an alcoholic, heavily devotional athiest dad (age 51) he is also a doctor, and a self-centered egotistical mother (age 51) who can't keep her thoughts to herself. And a loving brother which is the only one i call family(he is currently studying medicine at a college). I am currently 17 and studying to be selected in a good ass Medical College. My brother isn't so familiar with my current mental state. My mother and father want me to be selected in the best of the best colleges ever (even though I have 1 more year before I can even be eligible for the exam) **.** Yet they yell at each other every day due to which I keep getting headaches and can't even study. My progress (in academics) keeps going down and they blame me for this result that I give them. My parents also have some property-related issues with their brothers and sisters but their behavior has been the same for the last 10 years or so. It pisses me off so much that I can't even live properly. I need to wake up every night to calm them down so that I can sleep. Yet they both act like that nothing is happening. I just can't stand it anymore and want to leave my house and kms. I don't know what to even do this about. Idk if anyone can help or something just do it. Trolling won't help For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1931,"Title: Fled Russia, now what? Text: It's the second week I'm in Armenia, a country I'm frankly not sure I knew was a country a month ago. I'll be moving to Georgia/Turkey soon in hopes of finding an apartment for a better price. I have always been lonely but at home I at least had family members, an fwb and a couple of acquaintances. Now I haven't spoken to a person irl for two weeks aside from sellers, taxi drivers etc. I do speak to family and those two friends on the phone almost every day, but it's just not the same. I'm safe and what am I supposed to do now? I do see other Russians who I believe fled just recently as well, but they're always in groups. Entire work teams seem to move. I see them at cafes, etc, actively discussing stuff. And I'm like a ghost there, there's really no one to even notice my presence or lack thereof anywhere. Tbh I felt the same way when having to travel to a different city back in Russia - everyone hanging out with friends, and I'm playing in spectator mode. Maybe it's just the normal way your average not well connected male is supposed to feel. But somehow not even having your family around combined with the thought of possibly never coming back suddenly sucks several times as much. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1932,"Title: adhd and self harm Text: dose anyone eles with adhd suffer with self harm issues . I use SH a while back and i got better through my own devices and took my mental and physical health a lot more serious . Altho recently unfotunaly i have fallen back into my old habits . I realised that i tend to cut when i am a mixture of being bored and sad . Dose anyone eles suffer the same fate and is there a correlation between the two For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1933,"Title: taking this opportunity Text: you know how other people would say that i shouldn't give up my life because there are other people who are sick but wants to live long? well, guess what? this suicidal bitch got diagnosed with something tho it's not terminal but survival rate is low so it's an opportunity lmao i'm even thinking of overdosing myself with all my meds lol i wonder how long i would last For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1934,"Title: I want to end it all this night. Text: Tonight is the night I guess. Where I really do it. I hate my fucking life and everything. I don't wanna talk about this much. Tonight I will run away and search for a brigde. When I don't find a bridge to jump off I will jump in front of train then. Before this I will write a angry letter for my parents where I blame them for everything and leave it hoping that I will never see them and this world again. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1935,"Title: For victims or survivors whichever title you prefer Text: Hi, I haven’t posted on this Reddit before but I have been really struggling recently with the memory and the lasting effects. I just wanted to share that no one who hasn’t been raped understands completely what we are going through. We are extremely strong and I am very proud of every one of you. Please stay strong and I love you For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1936,"Title: Can someone help with my trauma response? Text: I had a really bad anxiety attack today. I was leaving work and I was the last one there. I was sitting in my car about to leave when a car pulled in and I thought it was my abuser I literally flipped out and thought I was about to die. Turns out one of my coworkers was in the back just waiting for her boyfriend to pick her up. But I felt so sick and had to drive to a different random parking lot to calm down. Btw my abuser is on the run right now he has warrants out but he has threatened to kill me and show up to my work or house I’ve been in extremely on edge. I personally don’t cry a lot. So since I left I have uncontrollable gagging instead of crying. If I’m going to somewhere we use to go I can’t stop gagging or even throw up. It’s like a trauma response I’ve never heard of it but it’s the only thing it could really be. I feel the most messed up part of everything is that my trauma bond still makes me miss him. Which makes me disgusted with myself and makes the gagging or nausea worse. Does anyone have any tips to help this or even heard of this? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1937,"Title: Miss that feeling Text: 16 year old dude here, I have social anxiety and thus don't have many friends anymore and gave up on romance a long time ago. Anyways, for context at the beginning of school I wasnt doing well mentally, I felt very alone and burnt out on school. I didn't have anyone to talk to, sit with at lunch etc until I caught the attention of a girl. She talked to me first and we talked for a while and we really started liking each other. It was my first actual experience with romance and it was great. I had something to look forward to for once, I had someone to talk to and was genuinely interested in talking to me and my mental health improved. We devoted alot of time to each other and I meant alot to her just like how much she did to me. Unfortunately, we had to cut things off for reasons and slowing stopped talking as much. Even if it didn't last long, Ive been having trouble moving on because it was something new and good in my life and I'm kinda going back to how I was. On top of that I don't have much friends to talk with about the issue. Like I said earlier, I never gave a shit about romance before this and now after getting a taste of it, I've been missing that feeling and her in general. The way she looked at me, holding hands, some of the first hugs I've had in forever and the time we spent with each other was really magical yk and now being alone again and watching us slowing drifting apart hurts alot For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1938,"Title: Workplace Relationships Text: Sunny Balwani's; the former COO of the disgraced healthcare company Theranos; has his wiki saying that his relationship with Elizabeth Holmes was not disclosed to investors. As someone new in this, ;why is disclosing relationships necessary in this context to investors? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1939,"Title: i don’t know what to do. Text: so on oct. 5th i told my mom about my mental health struggles and that i self harm.she’s been very supportive and so nonjudgmental.i haven’t got any doctors appointments yet but we’re working on it.i‘m 18 days clean currently.my mom took away my razors so i can’t cut.she asked if she needed to take my scissors(i‘m an artist so i use them a lot)and i told her she didn’t need to and that i would cut myself with them.it’s been slowly getting easier to be clean and i‘ve been inching out of my 2 almost 3 year long depressive episode.my best friend(online friend)has been helping me so much and i can’t thank them enough for what they’ve done too keep me alive.but the „happiness“ was short lived.i don’t feel good anymore.i‘m so tired of this.almost 3 years of this constant feeling.it is ruining my fucking life.my self harm urges are back along with my intrusive thoughts and they’re stronger than they’ve even been.i haven’t been this clean in so so long and it’s so difficult.i want to go back to how it was.cutting alone with nobody knowing.i just want to cut.so so fucking bad.and i‘m only getting more triggered.the scars on my shoulder and thighs are already almost all the way gone.and now the ones one my forearm(newest ones)are barely starting to fade.i can’t take it.i feel like my mom would be so disappointed in me for relapsing.it’s so hard.i don’t know what to do. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1940,"Title: Advice please Text: I am experiencing some work place sexual harassment that has lead to a hostile work environment. Need some advice/encouragement. Back story- previous coworker (38 F) was viewing sexual explicit images at work and showing me unsolicited, Tinder guys dick pics, along with porn cams- it was really bizarre and gross. I tried to report and my boss said, “I don’t want to know.” Fast forward she left but now one of my married male colleagues hit on me “you’re so pretty and smart”, then in response to an issue 5 min later, “you’re hands are tied and not in a good way.” The first comment I ignored, the second one I was immediately creeped out. I didn’t feel safe reporting given my bosses previous response. Another male colleague took credit for my work and I feel like I’m treated as well as paid differently. The time for my yearly review came and went. They did schedule their own vacations and did not schedule a review. I emailed and asked for a meeting. I asked for a raise and stated a good time for a meeting. They didn’t even reply to my email. I worked all day, spoke to them about work. I work 7 to 4 they called me at 4:45 literally the last thing on their day. I didn’t take the call as I was already off work and home, like no this is my free time. So then I followed up letting them know about the sexual harassment and letting them know, I needed to take two days off to think about if I would be continuing to work there. Now it’s Monday. I cannot stand working for them anymore, but I refuse to quit and put myself in a bind. I’m just beyond upset about it. I am looking for other work but have had no interviews or offers. :/ Today I asked for reasonable accommodation as I do have a diagnosis of PTSD, from abuse. That accommodation was that I work from home and that people only talk to me on email and not via teams chat which is where the discussion happened. I think that would make me more productive and focused because I’m not distracted and also that stuff is 100% triggering to me. I do not come to work to be hit on by a married men. I come to work to work and I just don’t understand how people cannot just respect boundaries. Do you think I was too reactive? I will acknowledge I have a tendency to feel that way because of my diagnosis. However, I have had a lot of treatment and come very far. The situation is causing some of my symptoms to emerge. I won’t sacrifice all the self work I have done for some employer to personally benefit off my hard work while I do not. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 1941,"Title: I really need a friend right now Text: Someone please talk to me. I made thdi throwaway even though I’ve openly posted about feelings and struggles with suicidal thoughts on my main account because I didn’t give a fuck. I was more open on this one because of lies I’ve told other close Reddit friends that I’m ashamed of. Reddit won’t let me DM people on this account that I’ve tried to reach out to so as to not be 100% lonely, but I’m just stuck drinking more and commenting on posts like a helpless moron. If you wanna know more about me, DM me, read my first post from around an hour ago, or both. I just really need someone to talk to. I can’t go on like this without freaking out more than I already am. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1942,"Title: 22 F - I’ve been feeling down lately and I need someone to talk to Text: These past few weeks I’ve been stressed out and feeling worthless. I just stare off into space looking for sanity but I get left with sadness. I just feel stuck. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1943,"Title: I fucked up a lil Text: So I cut deeper than intended, and hit beans. I’m going out with my friends tomorrow and originally wanted to wear a dress but now I’ll have to wear pants or a long skirt. Im also working tomorrow and this is gonna be a bitch of a cut to have in work. I dont know why I did it but I feel stupid for it now. The cuts fine I dont need to go to the hospital or anything I know how to take care of it, but i just am a fucking idiot and i shouldn’t have done it Dear god can someone respond For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1944,"Title: I can’t get past this Text: I had a friend that I knew for several years and considered my closest friend. He was like a little brother to me. Due to a gambling addiction and other personal issues I became way too much of a downer and way too clingy so he ghosted as it was the only thing he felt he could do. My friend has moved on. I can’t. I have multiple ways to get to a better spot in life but I just hyper focus on how he helped me and it consumes everything. I never had someone that I connected with so well before and doubt I’ll find it again. The worst part is I still send emails, still reach out on social media, etc. instead of respecting their presumed wishes. I’m not a good person anymore. I can’t say I’m a good person if I harass someone that I truly do care about. I don’t know how to face the facts anymore and come to terms with the fact that someone who knew me so well has come to hate me or at the very least not care for me. I’m fucking crazy. There’s no other explanation for why I still hurt on this. With so many things changing in my life with family and friends and jobs and situations he was the one constant and now he’s gone. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1945,"Title: You don't know how much depression affects you until you have a good day Text: Yesterday I played video games with my best friend all evening, and afterwards I laid in bed still sometimes laughing about the things we did earlier. I suddenly realized an odd, light, positive feeling in my chest. I'd forgotten how nice good days could be, and how giddy, bone-deep happiness felt. I hope this is a sign I'm getting better again!! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1946,"Title: One of the popular girls found out... Text: Welp. One girl in my class saw the cuts on my fingers. So she asked me to go in the hallway and question me about it. Don't worry! She didn't bully me or anything. She just asked me to NEVER do this again and if it was the first time it happen. I said yes. Meanwhile, my brain was like: WhY dA fAwK yOu LyInG Of course i will do it again and of course it wasn't the first time it happen! Atleast she was nice The reason why i cutted on my fingers was because my thighs and my arms were full Proof that just because you're popular doesn't mean you're a bully Love yall❤ For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1947,"Title: I was stalked for weeks and i was raped an hour ago Text: I just got home. An hour ago i was held at gunpoint by a man and forced to do things to him. I know this man and i know the 2 women who helped him set this up. Idk what to do He stole a friends phone and invited me to a local bar late at night. He said everybody was coming. I went. At the stop sign he hopped in my car and held a gun to my head. I just cant believe this happened to me. Im not sure what to do. I called the police but ive got nothing on this guy proving he did this. Im fucked For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_ongoing Question 1948,"Title: I’ll never heal. Text: I’ve been out for 4 years. I’ve had therapy. It seemed to make me worse. Everything was pushed to the surface and my anxiety and ptsd went through the roof. I’m slowly processing what happened to me and I’m completely horrified. I feel like garbage. I’m worthless. Sometimes I’m suicidal but I have 2 kids and they need a mom. I’ll never heal. Time has made it so much worse. Sometimes I look back and tell myself I’m such a difficult, stubborn, mouthy person that I made myself a target. I deserved some of it. He completely denies he did anything to me. He won’t even acknowledge it. His denial makes it all feel so fresh.I came out of that relationship with a broken nose, 2 false teeth, and somehow the broken person that I am today. He tried to kill me. Sometimes I wish he would have. Nobody tells you picking up the pieces is harder he taking the punch or being called horrible names. I’m so so broken. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","domesticviolence_past, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 1949,"Title: I wish the clingiest person alive would find me and fall in love with me Text: I’m convinced that I need more love and attention than anyone is capable of giving me For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1950,"Title: I hate seeing him happy Text: This is partially my fault because I know I should be trying to forget about him and heal from when he raped me but I struggle. I recently saw he got a new partner and Im infuriated - I don’t even really know why. They seem so cool and they have some similar piercings to me. I just want to message them and go off and tell them how terrible he is. I want to warn them to run and get out of the relationship as soon as possible. I hate that he gets to be in a happy relationship. He gets to enjoy love and sex and affection while I don’t because of HIS actions. I’ve been suffering with flashbacks and these weird episodes where I can’t stop shaking because sometimes it’s like I can still feel him. I hate it and I have no choice but to wait it out. I know this is selfish and it’s none of my business but I’m jealous, honestly. Why does he get to be happy and move on while I can’t? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1951,"Title: Talk. Text: Is anyone around to talk? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1952,"Title: I feel stuck Text: I just want to escape from the country im in right now, i dont want to live with my mom anymore especially with the way she is. If there is no escape then id rather die. I feel like there is never going to be escape which is making me suicidal as well. I could forget about being loved or getting married as i know that will never happen. There is some people who are handed everything in life like good looks, perfect family, perfect partner, perfect job etc and there are people like me who struggle. There is no freedom here especially for women, im just tired of this country. I especially dont want to live with my mom anymore, she has made my life a living hell and would rather die. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1953,"Title: Going to go to a cliff and jump close by me soon. Text: I’m 19 and I I find it extremely hard to even try and talk to anyone. Better I should just die now I don't know, I don't even know what to say here in all honesty. I've been alone for so long I can't even talk to anyone. Not even just romantic loneliness (I've never been loved) but loneliness in general. I don't even have friends. I've also been feeling extremely suicidal lately, I can't take this total isolation anymore. Even if I have an opportunity to talk to someone at all, I can barely even manage to form a sentence. Never mind a girl. Stutter, stutter fkn stutter. Even if I have something in mind I find it so difficult to actually say it. Who on earth would have the patience to listen to me? Even if I tried to talk to someone how could they ever be attracted to me? I can't even talk to them properly. I'm so crippled with anxiety I can't even go outside or talk to someone online anymore. Sure I'll comment here and there, but I can't actually have a conversation or form any kind of friendship and relationship. Not to mention I'm high-functioning autistic, so yeah there's that... I’ve tried everything in person dating apps I get the numbers and then they just ghost me. I look around and see couples holding hands cuddling and so on and I just come back to my place alone and I’m  thinking of ending it soon not because of this just life is tiresome. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1954,"Title: Who else just want cuddles Text: The pillows don't do justice, also I only have one. Bloody hell I just want cuddles. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1955,"Title: If every ex he’s had has been “abusive” or “crazy”... Text: Just wait. In time you’ll see who’s really abusive and crazy. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1956,"Title: before you ask if something counts as self harm.. Text: -if you’re hurting yourself on purpose or doing something with the intention of hurting yourself, it’s **self harm** -if you’re doing something you know is bad for you or will ruin something in your life on purpose but isn’t injurious, it’s **self sabotage** i see lots of people asking “does ___ count as self harm” and i wanted to explain the difference so people have a general guideline of which is which. it’s also all about the intention, and even if something you do leans more towards self sabotage it doesn’t take away the validity of it by any means and that is still indicative of a bigger issue and is an issue on its own, but at least in my opinion there is a difference. feel free to correct me in the comments if i said something wrong :’) i just think this could be helpful based on the many posts i see asking this question For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1957,"Title: Am I not attractive enough to be friend ? Text: Im just done with people. They randomly appear make me feel happy, start chat and then ghost me. Idk if problem is me or them and this make me hate all of humanity just for their primitive feelings. Why don't you guys just tell the problem or be intereseted in someone as friend and not because of his look. You guys may say you just mad because someone not interested in you but we don't even know each other or find time to know. She just said hi asked something and before I answer she ghosted me. I don't even need girlfriend but a friend that you can chat with. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1958,"Title: PLAN TO DISTRACT FROM SUICIDE Text: GOING TO A MENTAL HOSP IS NOT AN OPTION!!! HOW DO I NOT KILL MYSELF LIKE I KNOW WHAT I AM DOING EVERYDAY BASICALLY I AM HAVING OUTBURSTS WHERE I SCREAM BREAK HIT CUT MYSELF BUT I DONT ATTEMPT SUICIDE BECAUSE THESE ALWAYS SOOTHE ME BUT THEY AINT HELPING ANYMORE THEY ARE BECOMING LESS HELPFUL SO WHAT DO I ( GUYS I DID GO TO A MENTAL HOSP AND IT WAS THE WORST SO PLEASE DONT SAY THAT) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_active_ongoing" Question 1959,"Title: Why Text: He has pending charges of aggravated domestic assault that the state is pursuing because he told me to pack my stuff and leave during an argument and when I attempted to go inside to start packing he put me in a choke hold and almost made me pass out. My vision went black and my legs gave out beneath me and then he let go and pushed me up against the wall. He told me that I wasn’t allowed inside to pack my stuff and that he would pack it for me. He went inside and that was my chance to let my friends know where I was in case I needed them. I will admit I was scared, I didn’t know what was going to happen. This wasn’t the first time he put his hands around my neck. I sent them a text with his address and telling them not to call me or text me and that I love them. One of my friends called the police so they ended up coming. They saw me in a very highly emotional state as I was bawling and I had a bruise on my face from two nights prior, marks on my neck and upon further inspection of my body they saw more bruises. They arrested him and he spent Memorial Day weekend in jail. I was clear with the police on how I was not interested in pressing the charges but they told me it was out of my hands. I’ve done and told everyone I can that I don’t want him to have a felony on his background for the rest of his life and that what I want, as the victim, is mandatory anger management classes, a mental health evaluation and therapy. Because I think that’s the only way to help someone who hurts people. Because hurt people, hurt people. Long story short, I came back. He promised he would never put his hands on me again and that he was so sorry. He seemed so sincere. And it happened again. Almost worse this time… I have a pretty bad black eye that is getting harder and harder to cover up. I feel so isolated and I feel used. I want to leave but I also want to stay. I still love him and I just want to be able to be together like a normal couple. It seems impossible but I want to keep trying. Why do I want to keep trying?! Why can’t I leave?! Why did I come back?! I am so torn and so Fucking sad. Why does it have to be like this For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1960,"Title: getting too lonely lately. Text: Tomorrow is my birthday. I'd love to make some new friends. DM me guys/gals. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1961,"Title: Raped by my girlfriend? Text: My girlfriend and I get in fights a lot. She hits me, calls me names, and generally just questions the validity of anything I say or do. It's tough because I moved to a foreign country to live with her and am completely dependent on her. I try really hard to make her happy any way I can. Well I just don't really feel comfortable having sex with her anymore because of how she treats me. Recently I've told her I don't want to have sex with her, but she still climbs on top of me and does what she wants. I'm bigger and stronger than her, but I don't put up a fight to stop her. She's usually nicer to me for a bit after we have sex so sometimes I feel like it's a good idea I let her do it anyways. But that was probably a mistake because I don't think she takes me seriously anymore. It doesn't matter how many times I tell her no or that I don't want to have sex, she still does what ever she wants. Like even if I don't move at all, she doesn't care and just uses my body. She tells me that I'm useless and all I'm good for is being a sex toy for her. It hurts a lot because she used to treat me so nice, but for what ever reason that seems to have vanished. Is it rape if she's my girlfriend and I don't fight back even though I'm a man? Is it my fault I didn't put my foot down harder the first time I said no? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","domesticviolence_ongoing, rape_ongoing" Question 1962,"Title: my rapist wants to hang out Text: A bit of background before I vent. A guy i believed to be my friend raped me 3 years ago. I've been dealing with flashbacks and the whole array of aftermath emotions ever since, I'll never get back the trust and peace I had. He left the country before I even woke up the next day and due to that and the fact my country's definition of rape applies only in specific circumstances, as well as me not being able to deal with the police, it was never reported. I've been working on my PTSD for about a year now and I was very slowly getting to a place where I could function, start trusting friends, and get a tiny bit of normal back. Now he is coming back for a bit and wants to meet up. I found out through a mutual friend who I decided to tell some time ago for her safety and because I would want to know if someone I considered a friend was a predator. She called me to let me know he is looking for me, contacted some other friends (who fortunately will not be making the journey to see him) and let me know she's been trying to do all she can to make sure he does not get my phone number or social media profiles. She's a treasure and I love her and appreciate the warning. What has been bugging me since she called is why Why does he want to meet? What is his angle? Does he want to make sure I don't remember enough to know what happened? Is he so stupid and such a despicable shit head that he doesn't know what he did? Is he trying to make sure I don't tell anyone? Is he so sure it was consensual? I have so many thoughts and impulses that I don't want to act upon. So many thoughts clustering in my head it's hard to put them into words. I know that I will need to tell my therapist and that she's the best person to talk to about this, and I will on my next appointment but just wanted to get it out of my head before I see her. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1963,"Title: I can't take it anymore Text: I hate this so much, I hate how I feel so trapped in my own life, I hate how hopeless I feel, I hate how nothing is going to get better for because how can it get better for me? I want to just disappear so badly but I can't. I'm too scared to die and I can't bring myself to end myself. It feels so numbingly cold and I can't find any form of warmth to mitigate the coldness. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1964,"Title: I hate it when my friends talk about my rapist Text: I am no longer in contact with my rapist because he now lives in another state. Some of my friends visit him sometimes and tell me about the meetings they had when we see each other. Every time someone mentions his name, I feel sick. My friends don't know that he raped me or that we are no longer in contact. I'm scared to tell them the truth because I know he wouldn't admit it. And even if they believed me, i wouldn't want their friendship to end because of me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 1965,"Title: There's no way for me to get any sex, much less the kind of romantic I really want, and no help for me, so suicide is the best choice I could ever make Text: I don't have a mental illness, I just have normal desires that can't be met. I've been trying everything for decades. Tons of therapy. I don't actually need therapy, and therapy can't help me, because what I really need is a girlfriend. That's what my life is missing. Sure, I could go quite a while without one, and I have, but it's too long, and at its best, this is not a life worth living. I'd rather be dead tomorrow than live tomorrow. I can't get what I need myself. There's nothing in the world that can help me. Suicide is the best choice I could ever make. Here's what r/IncelTear says in their weekly advice post: > Please go to r/SuicideWatch for matters pertaining to suicidal ideation, as we simply can't guarantee that the people here will have sufficient resources to tackle such issues. Say someone is seriously at the point where they need a girlfriend or they'll suicide. They aren't naturally suicidal, it isn't mental illness, they just know what they want, and despite trying to make a life worth living from everything else in life, it isn't good enough, so they plan to kill themselves. They've already tried all the advice people say on the internet, they've been actually trying for decades, but get nothing. They've tried therapy, tried dating apps, tried hobbies, tried meeting people through friends, tried taking a break, even. They will not give up their guns, will not allow themselves to be placed on an involuntary mental health hold. They've been waiting and trying for too long already. **The only way for them to stop wanting to suicide is to actually get them a healthy relationship with a good wife.** Let's just call that get a girlfriend. That's the only goal. Trying to get them to want to live without that is not an option. They just aren't the kind of person who can be happy as a single person. We can't change that. He's beyond the point where he can keep trying for .. who knows how long? ""Maybe, just keep trying"" is not an option any more. ""Put in the work for five years and eventually it should work out, probably"" was five years ago, and it didn't work out. Now it's an urgent problem, emergency maybe. How are we going to *actually* get this person a girlfriend? Who is it going to be? We need a method that will actually work, and soon. What's the battle plan? What's the profession that ACTUALLY gets you a girlfriend soon? If you're answer is ""there's nothing anyone can do,"" then the answer is suicide. SUICIDE IS NOW THE DEFAULT, so what do you have to offer him that's better than suicide? SELL HIM ON IT. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1966,"Title: Found out something disturbing Text: Less than a year ago I tried to kill myself, bought a hotel high up with a balcony but I’m thankfully still alive. I’m doing better these days. The other day I was talking to a paramedic friend and they told me about something called Scrape and Go’s. Speaks for its self. He said that a specific hotel gets about 5-10 a month… I pretended I didn’t know the hotel he was talking about. It was the one I went to. Brought back some memories, fuck that was disturbing. I’m lucky to be alive. Any way I just wanted to post here as a way to vent as no one has ever known about my close call. I’m glad I didn’t do it. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_past Question 1967,"Title: I’m leaving this subreddit for good Text: I’ve decided it’s not healthy for me to be in this subreddit. The only reason I get on here is to trigger myself. I want to get better. Not only for my loved ones but for myself. I can’t believe I’m actually typing that. I recently started taking antidepressants and they’ve really changed my thinking. I’m going to start reading books on my phone instead of lurking here constantly like I have for weeks. I have been cutting since 2012. It’s been 12 days since I last did. Then before that it was 11 months. I think I can do this. Thank you everyone for being there for me when I feel as if no one in real life understands. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 1968,"Title: i couldnt do it Text: I just put my arms around my neck and started choking myself. I almost felt like i was abt to pass out. But then i remember how sad my family would be if i actually did die tonight. Im so pathetic. I should have just done it and gotten it over with. Gosh, im abt to cry. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1969,"Title: It got worse. Text: I have very few friends left as I mentioned before. One of them, my best friend, was just cheated on by his girlfriend less than a week ago. He knows I have feelings for him. When he found out I went into super friend mode, we were both vulnerable for one reason or another and one thing led to another and we ended up fucking around for a few days. On Friday he started getting distant with me but I figured he just wasn’t ready to be involved with someone else, which was really totally fine by me. It turns out that yesterday he and his girlfriend decided to stay together and that we were fucking around, they hadn’t actually broken up. But he told me that they had. He took advantage of me. He lied to me and led me on because he wanted to feel better about himself. If I didn’t have a reason to do it before, I have one hell of a reason to do it now. When my roommate leaves for work tomorrow (I’m between jobs) I’m going to do it. There’s no other way around this. If I can’t trust my best friend who I’ve known for four years and been to hell and back with then who can I trust? I can’t trust anyone. It’s time to stop fighting. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1970,"Title: Does anyone else's abuser consistently behave ""normally"" if you do what they want? Text: I read so many times that ""you can't stop abuse by changing your behavior."" But in my case, my partner *only* gets verbally abusive and physically threatening if I do things he doesn't like (and says are ""abusive""). If I just don't do those things, everything is genuinely smooth, peaceful and amicable on the surface. He doesn't randomly build up to things or get triggered by anything other than me. Given that, it is very hard for me not to think it is all my fault and he is just reacting defensively to stuff I am doing. Anyone else have a situation like this? I should add I never feel safe or supported during these ""good"" phases, because I am only behaving in an approved fashion because either 1-I am avoiding ""provoking"" his responses, or 2-I am just so emotionally burned out that I am disconnected and not engaging. This makes me think that technically a coercive framework is always ""active,"" even when things look peaceful, and this is really what people mean when they say you ""can't stop the abuse?"" For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 1971,"Title: I wish I had the guts to slice deeper Text: I have no one and no help and it’s either feel like this and get no sleep for another 3 days or I can just cut a bit deeper and end my fucking suffering For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_active_ongoing" Question 1972,"Title: I guess I'm just too boring.. Text: If I'm being honest, I think people find me boring. Who can blame them; I don't really go out, I don't have many adventures, and I like to stay at home in a place I know. Whenever a chat DOES come around, 2 messages in and I never hear from anyone after that. Sucks to be me I guess, but I guess it's the life I've got. Any meaningful relationship doesn't last because my partners aren't interested or just see me as a ""brother"". I've got a tight group of friends to talk to and trust dearly, but I just think I'm too boring and conversations will just come out of thin air. To be blunt, I'm lonely, and I'm not sure really if I'll truly be happy being alone. I don't think anyone will understand me, and that's okay. I suppose as long as I have a reason to get out and explore on my own time and terms, I'll manage, but I'll never fully be just fine. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1973,"Title: Clean But Not For Long, WARNING SUICIDE IS METIONED Text: So Iv'e been clean for two days now but I wanna cut again and I was thinking of stabbing myself too after I'm done cutting. I'm just so done with life and would rather end it. But I don't know where to stab myself. My attempts never work so maybe if I just stab myself it will. I most likely want stab myself but will def cut. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_active_ongoing" Question 1974,"Title: is getting kissed without consent harassment? Text: another instance with a completely different person (that’s still going on, the one in the title only happened once) they know i don’t like when they touch me yet they force me to hug them and they constantly kiss my forehead even though i try to push them away. i’ve told them they’re too close last time and they got mad at me. and the first incident i didn’t push away but they never asked. i just sat there and tried to get my mind as far away as i could For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 1975,"Title: I don't think dating apps are ever going to work for me Text: Im just going to have to suck it up and meet girls in person like any other guy does For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1976,"Title: Can't trust my own feelings, my thoughts, my emotions Text: This is devastating. I don't want to do this anymore. I'm trying so hard to understand what I'm doing wrong and why I feel the things I do. I can't trust anyone. I can't trust myself. How am I supposed to know if it's okay to feel what I'm feeling? I regret ever opening up to anyone. I regret feeling at all. I wish I could just go to sleep. I'm so tired. I'm tired of being a burden. I'm tired of my fucked up brain being a burden to me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1977,"Title: i feel sick to my stomach when i have the though about wanting to be more mentally ill Text: yes im a fucking horrible person. but sometimes i just really wish that i was more mentally ill so people will finally start paying attention to my mental health. and also here i live you can skip lessons and just choose if you want to an assigment or not and you can use your phone during lessons when you have talked to a teacher about your mental health and they call home and stuff. Sometimes i just get so much urges to hurt myself but i just cant do any of these because im the smart kid that lives a perfect life. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1978,"Title: My best friend is most likely an abuser Text: I just recently took a quick trip to party with my girlfriend, my best friend, his fiance, his sister, and his sisters boyfriend. At the end of the night my friend saw a picture on his fiances phone of her taking a selfie with her female friends booty. This caused him to throw her phone and storm off to the car where he was yelling the most disgusting things about her and punching the car. Shortly they all followed to the car where it was just me and him, and that's when he started yelling these disgusting things toward her and accusing her of cheating on him. After an hour of me and the other male of trying to calm him down, we were forced to start yelling at him. He then started yelling disgusting things to his sister for ""taking her side"" and that's when they got into a physical fight where me and the other male had to intervene where I ended up with a bloody lip and a bloody ear. After 30 more minutes he stormed off and I left him there across the border while I took everybody (who were all still intoxicated) back through the border. During the drive, his fiance informed me that he has gotten mad like that before, he has caused her nose to bleed with a hit, he has destroyed her personal property, and he has caused damage to their home due to him lashing out. I have never seen or thought there was a side of him like this after 6 years of knowing him. This new information about him, and the way he reacted to his sister has me doubting my friendship with him. I do not know what to do now. I was told he has depression and bi polar disorder but I do not care, that does not sound like an excuse for his actions. I do not want to be friends with somebody who does not have the same moral values as I do, what should I do? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1979,"Title: Why do i always fall in love with strangers? Text: I always find myself falling in love with someone that I barely know whenever i go out in public. In a train, a coffeeshop, the veggie aisle in some grocery store. Its pathetic. I feel pathetic... and its not just small crush like “oh look they’re attractive”.. no, I literally feel attached to the person... and if nothing happens between us, like if they dont show me the least bit of interest or even look my way i’d get heartbroken. Again i’ve had small crushes before but this is ridiculous.. it reminds me of how lonely i am & ruins the rest of my day. Fuckin hell man! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1980,"Title: I fucking hate everything Text: Ive gone through so fucking much and no one gives a shit. I made one fucking suicide joke in a discord server and everyone fucking said for me to kill myself, jump and maybe ill fucking do. maybe im too fucking soft for their fucked up edgy jokes but im a fucking teenager with no hope to fucking live and these shits fucking tempt me. ive gone through so fucking much. I've been barely fucking eating, ive been overworking and my friends barely fucking care. ""jump"" ""die"" ""kill yourself"" HOW ABOUT I FUCKING DO??? WHAT IF I FUCKING DO? HOW ARE YOU GONNA FUCKING REACT IF I FUCKING BLOW MY GODDAMN HEAD OFF?? I FUCKING HATE EVERYONE For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1981,"Title: I don’t know Text: I simply can’t focus. I can’t understand anything in school and I don’t know why. I just missed an important assignment, I couldn’t get it done. Everyone has extremely high expectations of me and im afraid of letting everyone down. I feel like my brain is slowly rotting and I can’t do anything about it… For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1982,"Title: potential relapse Text: I’ve been clean for almost 4-5 years and for the most part haven’t even considered sh until recently. i don’t know why but just looking at my own scars triggered (i hate using that word but it’s applicable) me to want to cut again. i’m trying all the tricks to get my mind off of it but for the past couple of days all i’ve wanted to do was sh. i’ve been good about refraining but idk what caused this and how to get it to stop. any advice? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1983,"Title: Scrolling down this sub be like Text: Women have better! Women can find sex partners way easily!! Women only want hot guys with six packs!! If you are average looking and lonely it’s on you girl!!! Look at those ugly women getting 15 replies from creepy guys! Women only want sex! I think about women like this and wonder why i’m lonely and bitter!! Shut up, please. It’s not a competition. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1984,"Title: Hi! I'm Chris with Operation: Safe Escape. We just made an app to help people safely plan their escape, and we wanted to share it with you. Text: My name's Chris- I'm the founder of OSPA, a security-focused 501c3. I've posted here before, and our website (GoAskRose.com) is in the sidebar. ""Operation: Safe Escape"" initiative is our program to combat domestic violence and help people safely escape an abusive situation. We work with both victims of domestic violence and shelters / safe houses to improve the security of both. As a non-profit, this is something we do for free- it's just a part of our charter. We just completed an app that I wanted to share with you. It's based on the paper ""escape plan"" document that many shelters use, and some of you might be familiar with it. The problem with the paper form is that it's a single point of failure, right? The abuser might find it and get access to very sensitive information, like when the person is leaving, where they're going, etc. So our goal was to take it off of paper and get it digitized so it can be accessed anywhere, any time. An app made sense for this, since so many people have a phone. But sometimes a solution can raise more problems! If we had an app that says ""domestic violence escape plan,"" and if the abuser checks the user's phone, that's even worse than a paper form. So here's the solution we came up with: the app is ostensibly a ""quote of the day"" app, just like so many others. You open it up and it just looks like any other, with inspirational quotes (carefully chosen to be relevant without appearing relevant, by the way). But if you know the secret, you can get into the password-protected section that includes your escape plan and important safety tips. It's broken down by phase so the user won't get overwhelmed by information, and it allows you to focus on one step at a time. You can put in all the information you'll need to safely get away, and you won't have to try to remember so much information when you're going through a very stressful time. You're probably thinking to yourself, ""what happens if the phone is taken? Shouldn't I leave their phone behind anyway so it's not tracked?"" Yes, you should! And we planned for that. Because the data is stored in an encrypted Google Firebase server, you can download the app again and use their same username and password to retrieve their plan. So if you go to Walmart to get a burner phone (or when we provide one, in some cases), you can install it on that device as well. Here's the [iOS version](https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/quote-mania/id1225342669?mt=8). Here's the [Android version](https://www.opsecprofessionals.org/goaskrose/SafetyPlan-Android-1.0.apk) Note that we're hosting the Android version directly on our website, rather than through the play store. So when you want to install it on your phone, it will prompt you to accept installation from ""unknown sources."" After you install the app, make sure to revert the settings back to the original configuration. If you have any questions about how to do any of this, feel free to send me a message or comment here. Also, this is a good time to open up for any security-related questions at all. I specialize in OPSEC and computer security, but I can reach back to others on the team with any other questions. Chris A few security notes: the data's encrypted and secured. We can't even access it. Only the user can access it. And there's NO password recovery option, for obvious reasons. The abusive partner probably knows the user's pet name and mother's maiden name. It's too much of a risk to have that feature. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1985,"Title: I wish I was dead Text: I wish I was dead I wish I was dead I wish I was dead I wish I was dead I wish I was dead I wish I was dead I wish I was dead I wish I was dead I wish I was dead I wish I was fucking dead For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 1986,"Title: why don't I like giving emotional support anymore ? Text: As a teenage I used to be depressed and suicidal. I was a very empathic person back then, I used to give my emotional support to others a lot and had the willingness to listen and help. Now I don't feel like that anymore, I don't even wanna listen to anyone in distress, like everyone deals with these issues, its not a big deal, it's common and pain and sufferings are literally like there in everyone's life. I don't have the energy to give emotional support anymore. I tend to get angry and irritated if someone dumps their trauma or issues on me Is there something wrong with me ? Do I lack empathy ??? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_past Question 1987,"Title: Feeling alone while surrounded by people Text: I feel like I am all alone and no one understands. I feel like I am an acquaintance to everyone i know. I have people I call friends but they don't know anything about me and I feel like they don't really care. As the years pass by I feel more and more alone. I was always a black sheep in my family and never fit in. I know I don't have a reason to be depressed. I am healthy. I am not sick, I have a good mid class job nothing bad or I am not coventially ugly. But I truly feel like my life is the worst and that no one could love me. I grew up alone and don't really know how to interact and talk to people. As the years go by I feel more and more empty. Recently also tried therapy but it also makes me feel more how much of an outsider and loser I am. I know myself better threw therapy but it hasn't made me feel better about myself. I am alone and wish there was someone I can depend on but at the end of the day I am all alone and I guess I deserve it. I have no sense of self worth For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1988,"Title: My campus security officer always gets hands on with me and I think it's sexual harassment Text: OK so my college has campus security officers. Their job is to patrol the campus and make sure nobody is doing anything they shouldn't. One thing that keeps happening to specifically me though is officers keep making me go with them to their office to search me for drugs. It has happened 6 times now. Every time they have found nothing. The most recent time felt the most humiliating and awful of them all. Usually there is multiple officers in the room, but this most recent time there was only one. He gave me a really rough pat down even touching my penis through my trousers. I tried to pull away and the guy straight up put his hands into my underwear, grabbed my penis and asked me what it was. I told him it was my penis and he then apologized and explained how the gloves he was wearing made it feel like it might of been something else!???? I'm fairly certain he knew what it was because what else was he going to find in a college students underwear!? Anyway after that I haven't been going to college because it was the holidays. I'm supposed to be going back soon, but I'm not sure I want to. I feel like I'm being targeted and when I spoke to someone online about it they said that maybe that specific security officer fancies me and is using his job as an excuse to grope me. I'm thinking this must be some form of sexual harassment? I don't know who to go to because what happened is humiliating and I'm not sure how to even talk about it to someone verbally. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 1989,"Title: Positivity Text: I left my abuser on June 7th and for days on end I felt so hopeless. I wanted to go back so badly. I couldn't comprehend why this had happened to me, I was struggling to accept that the person I fell in love with was just a facade. It's still difficult to accept. But today I accepted a conditional job offer in a new city 600 miles away as I am moving in with my sister to get the heck away from him. It still doesn't feel fair that I have to do this, or real even as I pack all my belongings away. 18 years my family has lived in this home and these are the circumstances under which I'm leaving it. It hurts a lot but I'm doing it. I'm moving forward. He has no more control over me, and he can't hurt me anymore. I'm scared to plant roots elsewhere but I'm also looking forward to it and ready to start fresh. Three weeks ago today I left him. In three more works I will be in a new state with a new job in a new apartment making new friends and new memories. Memories that will push the ones with him in them out. I made it. I. Made. It. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1990,"Title: [Update] A girl talked to me and asked for my instagram! Text: Well... It was 11 days ago that that happened, see [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/lonely/comments/jhfntz/a_girl_talked_to_me_and_asked_for_my_instagram/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf). And she already has left me. She had feelings for me even though she had a bf, she admitted those feelings and things were moving in the direction of us being together, she even broke up with her bf partly because of me.... But all that went down the drain, shes back together with him now and we're no longer friends. We were actually amazing friends in the short time we knew each other and had a very special and effortless connection. But I forgot the fact I deserve nobody, and no matter what I'll be alone. I'm realizing more and more that I'm going to be alone forever and I should just accept that. I used to think it was things wrong with me. But I've matured, I'm not ugly anymore, I'm in good shape, I'm much less awkward and don't run out of things to say, I'm confident, I act more happy (even though I'm just as depressed lol). But none of that will ever be enough, it's just me as a person who deserves no one. No matter what So maybe there is hope? But it has nothing to do with external factors or your effort. Just who you are as a person, and if you've been lonely this long. Maybe you just aren't meant for friendships either. So maybe there is hope, but certainly not for me. I love all you and wish you all the best, and better than me For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1991,"Title: I don’t do anything Text: I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Currently in NYC I’ve not been able to do anything since the summer of 2019. I failed all my classes in fall 2019 and I took a leave in spring 2020 just before COVID started. And from 2020 to the summer of 2022 I stayed in my apartment and just did absolutely nothing. I watched TV all day or watch whatever tf is on the internet. Ordered takeouts and refused to go out with any of my friends. I went to a therapist, cause I want to know if I have depression. I really want to be productive but I just can’t. The therapist asked me a bunch of questions that surrounds on the topic of whether I have any thoughts or intention of hurting myself. I told her NO. Then he told me I don’t have depression and suggest that I’m just a little down and some pills may help. I never went back, the session cost like $400 and it didn’t help me at all. I also talked to the therapist in my school and similar episode happened. I tried seeking for help but it ended up making me feel even more confused and lost. I don’t have any motivation in life to do anything at this point. My parents are abroad and they have been covering and supporting my living cost. They know that I took a leave of absence and that I’m not doing good. But I feel so bad for spending their money when I’m doing absolutely nothing. I lied and told them i’m doing better, which I’m not, and they were so happy for me. I ended up making a bad decision and returned to school for fall 2022 but I’m failing again. I miss deadlines and skip way too much school. I really don’t know what’s wrong with me. I look at other girls in my school that are able to complete tasks with ease and feel so bad. Why can’t I. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 1992,"Title: Time to go home. Text: Looking for a a sunset this evening. As it leaves so do I. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 1993,"Title: Do abusers change with new partners? Text: My ex boyfriend of 6 years broke my wrist, choked me, bruised my face and pulled my hair multiple times. He always told me I forced it to get this far and it was because I knew how to push his buttons. My friend recently texted me saying they saw him on a dating app and I have to admit, it really stung. Even though I know I never want to be back with him and I'm doing my best to heal, go to therapy and work on myself, it's crappy that he's already moving on and looking for new supply. In your experience, do you think abusers change with new partners? What do you think he's telling these girls? He lied to me about cheating, he gave me an STI, and continued to cheat when I gave him a second chance. I'm just wondering if you think he'll continue this pattern in his future relationships? I also recently got a restraining order against him. He's currently in law school and also lied on his application to get in. The school is investigating him and he's on trial and could potentially be kicked out... For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1994,"Title: How do you all cope with the emotions that the children feel when the abuser leaves? Text: My abuser is/was the step parent to my older children (20,19,15) and is the biological father to my youngest 18 months. The older ones were witness to a lot of the emotional/financial/physical abuse I suffered and are (quite rightly) devastated with everything that has happened. My abuser also cheated on me and it was my 15 year old who found out and had to tell me. The older children are angry and sad in equal measures. Which I know is normal and they’re old enough for me to be able to talk through various feelings so we can begin to somehow understand why the abuser did all these things. However, my youngest child is so distraught about not having her dad around anymore (he’s currently on remand so she can’t see him. Not that I would allow it at the moment) I can’t explain to her why he’s not here. I just tell her he’s at work and she’ll see him soon. The older children are upset because she’s upset. They then get angry that she’s upset and he’s upset her. I’m struggling with all these complex emotions and my trauma bond to him is becoming extreme as I’m wondering if it’s easier to just go back and forget about all that’s happened over the last few months. My rational brain knows this is a stupid idea but I’m so traumatised by seeing my children so hurt that in my darkest moments I just wonder if it’s be easier to forgive and forget. How did other people “get over this”? I don’t know what to do and I feel like I’m drowning and becoming weaker every day. It’s exhausting. Sorry, I hope all that made some kind of sense. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 1995,"Title: vent Text: I was crying because I thought my friends hated me and then everythinf was okay we sorted out our fight and I stopped crying. They told that they got new friends and lied. Then I said that I was panicking because i thought that they hated me because our fight and thought they would leave me for the ""new friends"" and the other just replied ""haha"" and my one friend stood up for me and said that its not funny and the other just replied ""nice"" and now I feel like I wanna cut my thighs but Im over 1 month clean For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1996,"Title: molested by my foster dad Text: I was in a foster home for a few years when I was younger due to problems in my family. I was placed with them when I was about 6 and they were really nice and it was good to feel safe after the turmoil of my family. My fosterdad was more involved in my care day to day and after a few months he started molesting me. It felt weird but I didn't feel afraid or anything so I just let it happen it just came part of my life. I was with them until I was about 12 when I was placed back with a family member. I'm pretty sure the fostermom knew what was happening but she never was involved in it. My grandma would visit me sometimes but I never told anyone about it. It's so messed up. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",childabuse_endangerment_past Question 1997,"Title: Am I being sexually harassed by my boss? Text: I (f30) work as a personal assistant to a business owner in a male dominated industry. At this job I am constantly by my employer’s (m57) side to assist him with any and all requests, errands, paperwork, etc. that he needs help with. Occasionally when no one else is around he will talk about sexual topics. I once saw him grope another company’s associate’s butt, he asked me how much I weigh, asked my opinion on “friends with benefits, ” and told me about his “carnal attraction” towards a woman’s figure. He on one instance called a meeting with all female employees to tell them not to smile too much with male customers as it could be considered flirting. I worry I won’t have a job if I say anything, as he is the owner, and I can’t avoid him because part of my job is staying in the same room as him in case he needs anything. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 1998,"Title: Hiding cuts Text: I work in a kitchen and I’m not allowed not to have long sleeves while I cook but I don’t want any of my coworkers seeing them any tips ? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 1999,"Title: Isolating Text: Failed relationships, dead people and animals, fucked up career choices and a few friends. And every single thing keeps pushing me off the edge and closer towards the hell hole. Hi, So I went from trying to go out and wanting to make friends to not wanting any social interactions. I was isolating post breakup - I spoke to mom, uncle, my dog and 4 of my friends (one of which happens to be my sister). So today my friend left the group chat of the 4 of us and my sister told me how sometimes I just need to listen and not compare because it's undesirable. All i did was try to cheer my friend up who was stressed about her job and studies - I kinda did say how i wasn't doing anything and just working doing the bare minimum and that she shouldn't take stress coz she's at least studying and doing something. What I wanted to say was for her to stop stressing too much because shes putting in the efforts that most others are not and that she shouldnt be critical on herself. However, it seems like both my sister and the friend saw it as comparing situations on who has it worse. I really don't understand - if i had to compare I'd talk about how I can't cry even when i feel the despair and the lack of happiness even when there's something so pleasant happening - i can't smile as I take a bite of my favorite food, everything is so devoid of meaning and it just hurt me so much because she knows what I'm going through and yet she wasn't able to be kind with her words Now I'm going to go for a complete isolation - though I have a few promises and commitments, I'll get onto this ASAP. I did call my sister two times today and she didn't pick up or call back yet - fair to assume there's not much I need to do to go off radar either. Sorry for the rant. Tldr: sis pointed out how it's undesirable and that I compared my situation with a friend's who was ranting about her study/job problems and I'm further isolating. Edit: I'm not a naive lil kid please. Can't believe predators are preying and fetching for victims from this sub!!! Wtf is wrong with them.... For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2000,"Title: dae look at other people’s wrists & thighs Text: i don’t know if i’m just weird, but does anyone else look at other people’s wrists wnd thighs to see if they have scars? i guess it’s to know whether they’re like me. i know this one girl with scars on arms and thighs, they look like self harm, and it was kinda comforting (?) to know that we’re the same. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 2001,"Title: I’m going my to commit suicide tonight Text: I’m 19 and I don't know, I don't even know what to say here in all honesty. I've been alone for so long I can't even talk to anyone. Not even just romantic loneliness (I've never been loved) but loneliness in general. I don't even have friends. I've also been feeling extremely suicidal lately, I can't take this total isolation anymore. Even if I have an opportunity to talk to someone at all, I can barely even manage to form a sentence. Never mind a girl. Stutter, stutter fkn stutter. Even if I have something in mind I find it so difficult to actually say it. Who on earth would have the patience to listen to me? Even if I tried to talk to someone how could they ever be attracted to me? I can't even talk to them properly. I'm so crippled with anxiety I can't even go outside or talk to someone online anymore. Sure I'll comment here and there, but I can't actually have a conversation or form any kind of friendship and relationship. I’ve tried everything in person dating apps I get the numbers and then they just ghost me. I look around and see couples holding hands cuddling and so on and I just come back to my place alone and I’m  thinking of ending it soon not because of this just because this life is annoying. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2002,"Title: I’m so tired Text: The night is the only thing that comforts me anymore. Usually I’m able to wake up to alarms okay, but today was really bad. I just woke up and was so confused about where I was and how much time had passed. My perception of time in general has gotten really weird. I’m always tired. I don’t want to do anything. I’m not even isolating myself on purpose, I honestly have no energy. Dissolving into nothingness seems so sweet right now. At least then I’ll be able to rest. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2003,"Title: Broke & need to escape abusive relationship? Text: I know this is how it works in California at least . Make sure you have less then $100 in any type of bank account then go to social services the same day you want to leave you’ll fill out some papers and you will have to bring proof of abuse . Secretly record him/her being emotionally abusive , anything you can . Even a picture of your damaged belongings if you abuser has ever broke your stuff . They’ll give you a hotel voucher for 31 days you’ll have to do work programs threw them but it will keep your mind off negative things . Have your worker set up an interview with fss as soon as you get the hotel cause it can take a while to get an interview, they should be able to help with a shelter or security deposit on a new place . I don’t like posting but even if this helps one person it’s worth it . Your worth it no matter how shitty you might feel . No one deserves this . Edit : I should also mention if you are to ever return to your abuser you will owe them a lot of money . They’ll know if you went back . For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2004,"Title: trying to take care Text: Never posted here before but everything going on in life has been like agony on repeat . Feels like I'm on my knees begging for the tragedies to stop rolling in. In the past 4 years I'd cut myself 1 singular time. Now it's happening night after night. I can't afford plasters, antiseptic or anything. I can't even afford salt to sterilize the blade with hot water. My best way to take of myself right now is to have a hot chocolate afterwards, mostly made from my roommates stuff. I tape some toilet paper to the scars then try to sleep. I don't know why I'm posting this stuff but to get it out feels beneficial. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2005,"Title: I feel so guilty Text: Something happened yesterday that I regret. TW// slight suicide trigger There’s this girl in my uni that gets made fun of by some other group of girls. I think it’s horrible that they do that bc sometimes it’s for no reason. People are just so mean but I noticed the way she sings. In my chorus class a couple of days ago, the professor said that moving your mouth when singing is not ideal. She does exactly that. When he said that, I looked at the group of girls and we both knew exactly who sang like that. Yesterday, I thought I was alone in the bathroom with that group of girls. So I asked if they noticed how she sang and they said yeah. Little did I know, the girl was in the bathroom stall… I just feel so bad now because she really hasn’t done anything wrong. Im so worried that she will never forget what I said. Why did I say that? Why was I thinking badly? I feel like a shitty person. I usually keep to myself when I think badly of a person so WHY did I have to tell them? I hate myself. I’m a horrible person. This is why I have no friends. Because I don’t like anyone for who they are. It makes sense why I’m alone now. I want to hurt myself so badly now. I don’t deserve to live (I’m not going to end my life but I just don’t). Tldr; I basically made fun a girl and she heard me so I feel guilty and shitty. I hate myself. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 2006,"Title: When your adviser posts about being kind. Text: I have a family member who has been abusive to me my entire life. When I was a child, it was horrible physical abuse. Now that I'm an adult, it's verbal and psychological. I recent told another family member that if that person doesn't want to act like part of the family, it's their loss; I no longer want or care about their approval and acceptance as I did as a child. I think this got back to the abuser, and really irritated them. Just a week ago, I hosted a family event. Said abuser came and threw around all sorts of veiled insults. I decided to ignore it and not engage. (They think I'm too stupid to catch on to what's being said, but I don't care; I don't need to stoop to their level.) Today I saw them post on social media to always be kind because you never know what's going on in someone's life. (Really???!!!) I had to hold myself back to not go off on a rant about practicing what you preach. And... they know what I go through, yet always insist theirs is worse (I saw proof to the contrary at the event). I very much wish I could completely cut ties with this person, but that would mean also cutting ties with others with whom I don't wish to do so. Edit... I guess I can't edit the title. I'm bad at typing in my phone. It should say abuser. But you all probably figured that out. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",childabuse_endangerment_past Question 2007,"Title: Everything is just so bad Text: I feel like I’ve never been happy. nothing will ever get better, nothing will ever help me. I’ve been prolonging the inevitable for a solid decade now. How long do I have to keep doing this? Everything is getting worse and worse. I hate being alive. every fucking day I think about wandering into the woods and dying out there or jumping off a ledge. I wish I could gather every single person whos ever hurt me into one room so I could shoot myself in front of them. I want to make them feel guilty for the rest of their lives. I don’t care anymore. They can suck shit. Fuck, man. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2008,"Title: What's wrong with me? Text: Hi, goodafternoon everyone. My name is Rob, I am 28 male. Have a girlfriend and a decent job, live with her and my 3 cats in our own house. We live in Europe My life is pretty decent I am genuinely happy most of the time. I have a pretty decent paying job atm and working my way up in our company. I have no real educations except high school and some smaller training/courses via work. I am now following another more difficult 1 year bachelor thing. I have actually made 4 promotions in the last 5 years and I am now being promoted to teamleader. I have gathered quite a good reputation with the Managing Team and my old peers and new peers. Generally at work I feel very confident. Always wanne help my colleagues, give them my insight on certain problems and try to brainstorm on solutions. They most of the time seem to appreciate my help. Now ever since the first time I was promoted, I have been getting panic attacks about work decisions I made or if I am suitable for the job. I didnt really think too much about them, as I have a history with panic attacks/depression. They where very mild and I thought: ""This will probably disseapear after a few weeks"". But when I climbed my corperate ladder the panic attacks are more frequent and heavier. As I came home from work today about 2 hours ago, I have been in a state of complete shock. As it is all too much.. I have e-mailed my old therapist and hope to hear back on monday.. I have to vent this, as I do not want to tell my girlfriend she has too much on her mind at the moment. I have to sit it out at least another few weeks. My life is not sad.. its the moments I come home from work or late in the evening before work where everything get so tight around my chest. But then comming to work and being the ""guy to go to"" and giving my 110% which I guess works, but still dont really have a clue what I am doing to be honest.. then returning home shocked having a hard time to breath stuck to the sofa.. Please help.. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2009,"Title: Rape, the Podcast Text: My name is Julie and I am a mother of 5 daughters. I, myself being a rape survivor, was floored when I heard that my local police department were guilty of throwing away rape kits and not really investigating sexual assaults. I wanted to know what my town was doing to keep my daughters safe. I'm working on this limited series podcast to discuss how we, as a caring community can help survivors of rape. We need to discuss our fears and our stories. We need to desensitize the crap out of it so that we can comfortably discuss what happened to us. We need to make sure that rapist know that they will be caught. The madness has to end. Please help me by visiting [rapethepodcast.com](https://rapethepodcast.com). I'd like to hear your story and your thoughts. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2010,"Title: Bf best friend raped me Text: He's never liked me and is usually openly racist. I've actually considered leaving my bf over it since he insists on being friends with him I actually make it a point to never sleep over at his place since they are also roommates. Last night I was so drunk I fell asleep and woke up around 3 am next to my sleeping bf. I went out to use the bathroom planning to sneak out while he slept and on my way noticed his friend and another guy sitting on the couch. They just stared as I went in but on the way out the guy I didn't know asked "" Who's the Ni**er"" Seconds later the friend had grabbed me by my hair and pulled me towards the couch explaing to the other guy who I was. I could smell that they had been drinking and I won't repeat the things said and did but I was raped and subjected to racial slurs. My screams woke my bf up and he came into the room, saw what was happening and stupidly said ""what's going on?"" He pulled them off of me and asked why I was out there? Said sorry they're drunk and offered to drive him He didn't ask if I was ok until we were outside my apartment and never offered to call the cops All he said is he'd call to check on me later after he talks to them I'm so furious I don't even know what to do rn For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_ongoing Question 2011,"Title: I'm Tired Of Living Text: I don't feel like I can take it anymore failing university, tons of debts no social life, very few friends I never see. Suicidal thoughts are in my head all the time can't reach the suicide hotline because they won't answer. Tried talking with my family they don't understand my problems. Any advice or tips would help me a lot. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2012,"Title: PTSD and current relationship Text: About 2 years ago, my ex tried to kill me. He choked me and tried to put my eyes out. I finally got out and got my own place and a year later, found someone I wanted to be with and decided to try again. Now my PTSD from my past relationship is ruining my current one. I have trauma responses over the smallest things sometimes and it puts me right back in that night and I feel like I'm going to die. It's putting stress on my partner because he has his own trauma. Has anyone gone through this? Any advice? (I'll add that I was going to therapy until my insurance stopped covering it and I couldn't afford it.) Thanks in advance for your time. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2013,"Title: Is this rape? Text: I don't wanna offend any real victims but I'm having trouble with my situation. And have been struggling alone with it. Over a year ago I went to this guy's house with the intention of having safe sex. I asked if he'd use a condom and he lied and said yes. Once I got there he immediately grabbed me and put me on his bed and took off my pants and underwear and went down on me, there was no hi or hello and it didn't even feel good at all, not because he was bad at it but because it felt off. I remember freezing and wondering if it was ok for him to do that but he was moving to fast for me to think. He climbed on top of me and held my legs open and tried to penetrate me but I stopped him and asked where the condom was and he said he didn't have one so I said I didn't want to continue. I said no over five times I kept saying no and he kept begging. It's my fault I know. I remember freezing again after I tried to get up but he wouldn't let me. He held me down with my legs open rubbing his thing on my genitals begging to just put it in. I realized I was in a strangers house and no one knew where was so I began to panic cause he was starting to get angry and annoyed at me each time I denied him. He went still after a moment and just stared down at me like he deciding whether or not to go ahead anyway and was even about to. But I said stop and tried to get up again but he just started begging again and still holding me down. I'm a big girl and never in a million years did I think I wouldn't be able to push someone off me. I never thought men were as strong as some victims describe but there i was, the weaker person. Eventually I said ok. I even tried to enjoy the experience but it was like my mind was a thousand miles away. I didn't even know how bad the situation was until I left and started having really bad anxiety and flashbacks. I told my sister's (no I wasn't kissing and telling I was genuinely confused.) They told me that was rape and that I was raped. I denied it and said I gave my consent for him to do it. I told them I didn't feel like a victim. But that's not true. The truth is I feel guilty cause I'm taking away from real victims who didn't get any choice but I don't know what to do with myself. I don't know how to feel. I know it's narcissistic but I was told hearing validation could help. I'm not saying tell me I'm a victim. I'm saying tell me the truth cause I don't know what that might be. Was I really raped? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2014,"Title: I told my mom about my self harm and she just laughed Text: Yesterday I sent her a long paragraph text trying to explain what I’m going through mentally since I recently had a conversation with my therapist and she had told me to try typing out my feelings or writing them to my mom instead of talking so she can actually hear me out. My aunt had also told me a similar thing so I decided to try and give it a go, I told her about how it feels to struggle with chronic depression and anxiety, about how I’m extremely lonely and have no friends, that it’s extremely hard to do basic things like get out of bed, eat food, keep up with hygiene. I told her how I don’t enjoy how she has gas lit me and lied to me in the past, how that made me feel like she doesn’t care about me. She didn’t respond, she immediately started to yell at me for even insinuating that she ever lied to me. She called me selfish and said I only think about myself, she laughed at the fact that I self harm. Said she doesn’t know what I want her to do for me to be happy. All I wanted her to do was listen and understand She barged into my room and ripped the covers off of my bed trying to see where I self harm all while humiliating me and saying even more demeaning things to me After all of that she tried to give me some bullshit about “loving and caring for me”, she always does this and I’m sick of it. One minute she will treat me like absolute shit, usually when I’m already really down and emotionally vulnerable and afterwards she wants to act like she cares I don’t know how to tell other people that talking to my mom never works, this isn’t the first time things like this have happened to me after trying to talk to my mom about my feelings. She just doesn’t care and I have to accept that For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2015,"Title: Want to make care package for shing friend Text: Hello--I have posted on this sub before, but today I want to ask others for input on what they would think would be both practical and emotionally-supportive in a care package for someone who shs. My friend lives almost a two hour drive away, and I'm a relatively busy person. She shs a lot, and whenever she does, it's pretty bad. It's mainly a gesture to let her know that she is loved and cared for--I know it seems a bit strange for a ""care package"" but she is a minor (17) and is in a rather toxic environment. I plan on driving over next weekend and dropping off a care package. I plan on getting her a hand-written card, medical tape, bandaids, gauze, scar cream/gel, heating pads. I assume she might possibly have an eating disorder, so I want to refrain from candy or sweets. Any suggestions? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2016,"Title: Why do I keep second guessing that it was rape Text: This happened to me awhile ago with a guy I knew, we were both very intoxicated and hooked up the night before, and the next morning I woke up to him maneuvering my body so he could then penetrate me. All I remember is waking up to him moving my body and sticking his penis in me. For some reason I tried so hard to convince myself this wasn’t rape and try to be normal afterward thinking maybe it was just a thing that he did the morning after we first hooked up. When I finally reported it I’ve gotten so much backlash from people wondering why I delayed reporting it/ people thinking I was just trying to spite him but it just took me so long to finally realize it was truly rape. Is there something wrong with me??? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2017,"Title: I feel like such a failure Text: I can’t seem to do anything right. Well I’ve got a few talents but what does it matter if I’m too tired to put in all my effort, my mental health issues make people think I’m lazy. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2018,"Title: it’s almost summer here nonono Text: i live in australia and here it’s summer in december. i’m gonna have to go through the hassle of trying to hide the scars on my thigh when i’m wearing shorts. anyone have any tips? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 2019,"Title: Can I report on someone's behalf when they wont? Text: My Sister was telling me about her friend (verified its her friend) who's ex is abusive and just broke in not long ago. She won't report him. Can myself or my sister do so? Thanks. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2020,"Title: Am I a victim? Text: My (28F) boyfriend (30M) have been living together for the past 5 years. Our relationship developed quite quickly but I knew he was the one for me from the getgo. We both came from abusive and unconventional families and have adapted some toxic traits that have made their way into our relationship. However, lately it has taken a turn for the worse. I have to admit that I can be verbally abusive. I have said very hurtful things to him out of anger that I know are triggering based on traumatic childhood events. We would constantly have screaming matches where we both feed into each other's anger. He is also a victim of abuse I've inflicted on him, albeit the verbal kind, despite the fact that he fights back. However, due to a huge fight that we recently had, he has started fighting back through physical means. When we have fights now, he would give in to blind rage and has almost killed me multiple times because I would answer back to him or say something that triggered him. He would choke me, kick me, punch me, and slap me. There were times I would literally have to beg him to stop choking me because I could feel the life slipping out of me. He's quite a large guy compared to me (I'm 4'9 and he's 5'10). He said that that's the only way he can make me stop from abusing him with my words. However, it's very easy to trigger him now. If I say something that rubs him off the wrong way, he would say that I was disrespecting him and would use that to verbally and physically abuse me. I've long stopped fighting back but anything I say that hurts him (or silence when he expects an answer) seems enough to trigger him. I don't know if this is my fault. We are both very flawed people. I don't even know if I'm a victim. We didn't know how to be good partners to each other in the beginning because of our traumas. I've had the courage to bring up the fact that what he's doing is domestic abuse and he said that I'm just as much as an abuser as he is so I brought this on myself. There are days where I believe him so I've tried to minimize conflict as much as I can. I often just stay quiet or keep to myself if ever I get my feelings hurt or if he does certain things that I don't like. When he verbally abuses me after getting triggered by something I do, I would simply apologize now and don't put up a fight so that it doesn't escalate. I think what complicates this is that we are both very loyal to each other and both acknowledge that we're toxic people that want to change. He reached an epiphany one time and told me that he didn't want to hurt me anymore. He has since lessened the abuse and has tried to manage his anger. Now when he's mad he just says really hurtful things or curses me out. He acknowledges that he has a long way to go and that I should be patient with him. I don't know how to feel sometimes though. I've tried to break this relationship up many times but I love him so much. He's such a good person on the good days and I understand him on some level because of our similar pasts. I don't really know what to do now and would really appreciate an outsider's thoughts. Thanks. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 2021,"Title: Back again Text: I’ve started cutting again as a punishment. It’s been a couple years but I’m following the same fucked up patterns that led to my last relationship ending. This time it’s a whole other beast: I’ve started cutting words. The marks haven’t scarred but they last for weeks at a time. It’s super painful to look at but I guess that’s why I do it? I’m seeing a psychologist soon, they’re finishing up my intake forms. I’m just so scared and lost again. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2022,"Title: I bailed him out of jail 8 months ago now I want out. Please help. Text: My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years now. Everything started great, but for the last 2 years everything has gone downhill. He is dealing with untreated bipolar disorder and refuses to be treated. He has very high highs and very low lows. The lows are getting more frequent and more violent. He has never physically hurt me but he is extremely verbally abusive and threatens to hurt himself and me if I stand up for myself. 8 months ago I bailed him out of jail as his co-signer. I am done living this way and I want out. But if I leave, I am afraid he will either hurt himself or run and won’t go to court. If that happens, what happens to me? I can I protect myself and get out of this mess? Any help is appreciated For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 2023,"Title: Does anyone want to chat on this lonely Saturday Text: I don't really have any plans and no one to talk to so yeah For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2024,"Title: Arm feels numb and stiff after cutting. Text: My arm feels very, very stiff and numb after I cut. Why is this? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2025,"Title: I've never teacher stryo and I feel so invalid Text: The title is kinda self explainitory but I've been self harming for 2 years (I'm at the end of year 7 now so I started at the start of year 6) I've cut myself many times and got an addiction but I still don't feel valid cause I've never reached stryo For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2026,"Title: Wtf Text: A guy near town guy a semi and told the cops it was attempted suicide my mom was telling someone and calls the dude a dumbass and all this shit yea the guy was a meth head and shit but fuck wtf would she think if I was him For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2027,"Title: Has anyone overcome ""phone/pc after bedtime"" addiction? How? Text: Problem 1: I have a motivation problem. When its past my bedtime, I simply do not want to stop browsing reddit, chatting on discord, watching youtube or sometimes playing a game. The evil voice in my head says: just one more minute won't hurt. And every minute I hear that voice again until its many hours later and then I regret listening to that voice in my head. Problem 2: theres a dilemma. I have some friends that I really care about but they almost never chat with me. So every time I receive a message from those, it is a rare opportunity to have a conversation with them. And guess what, they text me right before, or after my bedtime. And then I basically have to choose: sleep and it will take weeks or months until I have another chance to chat with them which will probably also be at night, or chat with them and ruin my sleep schedule for the 1000 time. In both cases I have no clue what to do. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2028,"Title: Had a Girl's Night at my Best Friend's house and her husband took advantage of me Text: My best friend and I have had a girls night once a week for over a year. The last one was at her place and we were mixing shots and playing uno with her husband. I only remember having 3 maybe 4 shots (I was told I had 9 that night along with 5 or 6 beers) then being naked on their couch with her husband on top of me. I started freaking out and begged him to stop. The next thing I remember was him telling me he told his wife and he left for work. I vaguely remember getting dressed and I don't remember driving home, a 20 minute drive. I do remember her calling me and asking if I felt taken advantage of and telling her yes as I cried. We ended the call and then she sends me a text telling me that it was consensual and I had made him feel like a rapist and that I needed to fix it. I told my husband about what happened a few days later (didn't want to bring it up in front of our kids). She spent the next week asking me every day if I had started my period. I'm not pregnant thankfully.. It's been 3 months since this happened and she and I are no longer friends but she is telling people we had a few drinks and had sex. I feel as though I had done or said something to make him think it was ok....I have been seeing a counselor and I am also in physical therapy due to a possible torn rotator cuff. What bothers me the most is that my doctor and counselor say that this was assault but she claims it was completely consensual (she is a nurse and ""knows these things""). I just don't know how to get rid of the doubts that I have in my mind from what she has told me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2029,"Title: Does this make me a bad person? Text: TW: heavy details about my s.h. injuries I started less than 8 years ago, and it started as an unhealthy coping mechanism for loss. But then slowly overtime I started to genuinely enjoy the act of hurting myself. The stinging and burning of my open wounds felt well deserved, as I struggle with strong hatred for myself. But recently I've realized that I just like the way my scars look. I like when they are minutes fresh, and I like when they turn into smooth, white scars after weeks of healing. I even like when they are rough, bumpy scabs. It's especially pleasing to me when I can rip open my scabs and paint my arms or legs or other parts of my body with blood. I of course wash immediately after because blood is sticky, but my point is that I do feel shame for thinking my cuts are aesthetically pleasing. I enjoy looking at gore art that only further convinces me that I should keep ""decorating"" my flesh with these cuts. I've started thinking that they make my body look prettier or more appealing. What I want to know is, does anyone else feel this way? And am I wrong for thinking this way? It feels like no one else s.h. for similar reasons, and it makes me feel more outcasted and more ashamed. Like even regular harmers would view me as some sort of sick maniac. Am I alone on my opinion on cuts? Does anyone else find beauty in the injuries they make? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2030,"Title: when will I ever sleep again? Text: I'm living at a shelter for the past few days with my 3 children. I cry all night because somehow I can hold it together for the kids during the day. I go in public tomorrow. I'm terrified. My legs broken I couldn't even run away from him. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 2031,"Title: Sexual harassment- Was I overly sensitive? Text: Long story short, I had a normal conversation with a customer and he shifted it by asking me if I had any fetishes bc he had a foot fetish. That experience creeped me out and made me feel uncomfortable so I shared it in a discord server with people who I somewhat know. It wasn’t too traumatizing bc I am old enough to handle these situations but it was still scary and I wanted to share this experience (instant regret). This discord dude (he’s a high schooler and we haven’t talked much) says “you’re acting like you’ve never heard of a foot fetish” and I said how his comment was insensitive and how just cuz you’ve heard of something doesn’t mean that you’re prepared to hear someone ask you about it. He knew I was upset but still didn’t think what he said was insensitive. I proceeded to get my point across. “To have heard something is not the same as seeing it for yourself. Yes I’ve heard of foot fetish but is witnessing it for myself the same as hearing it? Same can be applied to being catcalled. If a woman got cat called and spoke about it online but you tell her “You're acting like you've never heard of cat calling” she would never be open about anything bc of that comment you made. Anyways, thank you for making my experience seem inconsequential, like it’s normal for a woman to go through this. Sorry for wasting your time” He then questioned something along the lines of (I forgot the words exactly bc he deleted after someone told him he was making matters worse) did he tell you to show your feet or did you show your feet? interesting…. That triggered me bc he made me feel as though I shouldn’t have shared it since I nothing actually happened and it wasn’t “interesting” or worth while to him. “So I had to have him see my feet to have the right to express how creeped out I was before you belittle me right?” “I’m sorry that the stranger didn’t get to touch me and see my feet before I expressed myself here. I should’ve been more violated and harassed before speaking.” He still thinks what he said wasn’t bad… Am I being too sensitive here or what? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 2032,"Title: Need help Text: I cut my arm really deep and I don't know what to do my parents aren't home and I got blood all over the floor I can't go to the hospital because I can't drive but I don't want to get an ambulance because there is so much pressure on the medical system where I live and what if me calling prevents someone else from getting help please I need advice what should I do I have thred and a needle should I stich it I've never gone deep before I'm so scared what if I die I need to clean the blood of the floor too it's wooden does anyone know how I don't want my parents to see and find out For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2033,"Title: I want to report without getting my family involved Text: I was a minor when I was raped multiple times by someone I trusted then. I didn't really know what he was doing. We moved away from him (another country) and that's when I started realising it wasn't normal. I had normalised the abuse. I tried telling my mom and I realised she was emotionally vulnerable. When I told her something mild in comparison she broke down crying and I realised that I'd have to be her support system if I told her. I had to be my own support system already. My father wasn't even an option. He's emotionally absent and I feel uncomfortable telling him anything. I eventually got therapy few years later where I disclosed on the first meet (still a minor). I always knew I would seek therapy for my abuse I always thought when I turned 18, I would report my incident to the authorities even if it might not bring a result. I don't want my parents to know. If I reported as a minor my parents would be involved. I'm 19 now and I want to report but I'm scared they will contact my parents too as part of the investigation. I want them to not be part of the investigation at all. I'm not comfortable with it. What do I do? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 2034,"Title: Does anyone else feel too weird for normal people and too normal for weird people? Text: I’ve tried joining pretty much every type of friend group and I never fit in with any of them. I just want so desperately to find a group where I belong. I’m tired of feeling like an outsider. Sometimes I get so frustrated just having human needs. Like why do I have to feel the need to be apart of a group? Why can’t I be happy just being alone? I’ll look at my cat and I’ll think he’s alone and he’s just fine. I want that. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2035,"Title: fuck Text: The stage of depression when you just stand all day and become unmoved by time. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2036,"Title: literally anyone… Text: help I’m literally going to drive off a cliff. i don’t really have anything left to say, but I’m incredibly selfish. i don’t want to hurt my mom or my brother yet here I am. I’m not really sure if, I am ever going to be okay again. I’d write my letter but I don’t have any energy left for that, but maybe it’ll help ease the tension. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2037,"Title: I need to hide my cuts asap Text: I just now found out I'm going to a hospital for my stomach first thing tomorrow and I recently had a lot of urges to sh. Now I don't know what to do with fresh cuts and I'm 80% sure my body will be checked again like last time Last few times I tried to apply foundation, it never looked right and you can easily tell there's something covered so idk what to do For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2038,"Title: don't think I'm going to make it this weekend Text: My suicidal thoughts are getting worst. I'm feeling so lonely and left out and it's just Halloween weekend. I can't even imagine what Thanksgiving and Christmas will be like. I can't do this. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2039,"Title: I’m so glad my parents have guns Text: One day I’m gonna get so fucked up I’ll stop being a pussy and actually do it. The solution is right there in front of me every single day. All it takes is one bad day and I’ll do myself the biggest favor I ever have. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2040,"Title: I don’t understand why I’m like this? Text: Man last time I posted on here I got in trouble to I’m gonna keep it vague but I feel like I’m arguing with voices in my head? Like it’s my own thoughts but it’s like two separate chains of thought and one of them is normal then the other just randomly comes in and just says shit and so then I argue against what is going on in my head.. Why do I argue over what is going on in my head?? I’m so confused can someone help me understand? Thanks I’m advance :) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2041,"Title: Was I even raped? (TW description of assault) Text: I consented to vaginal sex. He put it in my ass without asking. He stopped when I told him to, but he still did without consent. While I feel like I was sexually assaulted in some way, I also feel like I consented to something, so his actions aren’t really significant. Please give me some input from an unbiased source. I’m a 17 year old girl. I didn’t want to sleep with him but I did anyway because I felt like I had to, I’m almost 18, isn’t that what women do? It was a few weeks ago and I can’t stop thinking about it, I think it’s affecting me a lot. But I don’t know if he even raped me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 2042,"Title: how do you tell them that you're worth some fucking effort? Text: i always give too much and barely get anything back i'm so sick of this, whatever i do i'm never truly appreciated and it hurts like hell, wish i could get back the energy and time i give to some people For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2043,"Title: I'm lost Text: I don't know why I selfharm anymore. I know why I started and it used to be an admittedly bad but still, coping mechanism. Now I don't know, it dont get anything from it. I just do it when I'm bored. I know it's bad but since the cuts are most of the times quite shallow, I don't get big scars so, why would I stop something that i see no downsides to ? Idgaf about scars. I don't know, i just don't really understand myself ig For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2044,"Title: one more month. Text: In one month, I am done. I am done living a life where I will never be good enough, where I will never accomplish what I want to accomplish, where I will never be supported in the ways I need. I will be gone. In one month, I won't have to sit in bed every night hating myself because of how other people make me feel. I won't have to be anyone's emotional punching bag anymore. I won't have to keep all my feelings to myself because no one truly cares. I will just stop existing. My family is coming into town before that, so they can see me. I can give them the hug that I know they will need to continue life without me. In one month I will be free. I'm so ready to be free. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2045,"Title: Venting Text: I’ve been feeling depressed all this week, for I don’t know what the reason is but I think it’s with my dad. Me and my dad never had a good relationship, we never seen eye to eye. And I’m just suck on what he did, he left us for two days and we didn’t know if he was going to come back. And like a month ago he said he was cheating which hurt my mom. My sister and mom both forgive him but I don’t know how to forgive him which is weird to say I guess. I think it’s just really hard for me, and everyday feels like the same which makes it feel worse, like I’m just frozen when time keeps going. I’m just venting I had to get it out, because I don’t talk to a lot of people. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2046,"Title: I feel so lonely after becoming friends with a popular girl Text: So a few months ago I became friends with a popular girl at my school, she’s the type of girl that everybody likes, so every time I am near her I feel so lonely because nobody would ever talk to me or text me first. I just feel like everybody hates me for some reason. I want to be around her and I really like to talk to her but I feel like I get depressed because I get reminded how lonely I actually am. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2047,"Title: Today’s my birthday. I am so alone. Text: Today’s my (f) 34th birthday. I have no real friends, I’m single, and not anywhere near where I thought I’d be at this age. This just sucks and hurts a lot. Sorry for the little vent, no one to talk to. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2048,"Title: I'm feeling slightly alienated for wanting to do the right thing Text: I (25M) wouldn't say I'm a dirtbag drunk, I've been known to pick a few fights, have some serious benders, but mostly just drink to not feel sad and have a good time with everyone. I'm only realizing now that I need to take better care of myself, and the alcohol has actually been enabling me to be a shitty person. It's so difficult fighting the emotions and trauma the alcohol dulled for so many years. It started when I got trashed at a wedding recently. When I woke up the next morning I felt like someone loaded me into a trebuchet and sent me into a brick wall over 100 times. It was about 2 pm when I woke up, and when I looked into the bathroom mirror after rinsing my face I was disgusted with what I saw, and didn't want to be that guy anymore. Of all the challenges in this process, the biggest is my sphere of influence. My best friends love to party and drink (as most 20 somethings do), and I feel like it really kills their buzz a little now that I don't want to do that anymore. I mean, don't get me wrong, I can have a good time sober, but I have this lingering sense of guilt or worry that they don't think I'm fun anymore because I want to be sober for a while. Now that I'm actually trying to do something positive with my life, I feel like my new lifestyle change is going to be a burden on others, and I'll feel even more isolated. Not in a misplaced sense like no one else knows what I'm going through, but more like alcohol has been a big facilitator to be with friends and meet new people. I know this only half addresses the topic of loneliness, but any suggestions on how I can set goals or break past the hard parts are more than welcome, and I'd love to hear similar stories/perspectives For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2049,"Title: I have all the reasons to kms yet I’m still here Text: No friends, no support, no one that cares about me, no future, never been happy. The only reason why I’m still here is because I don’t have a method. I’m not afraid of death and I know I’ll just cease to exist, my brain will stop working and I won’t have anymore thoughts. It sounds peaceful tbh For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2050,"Title: I just feel empty Text: I feel empty almost lost in life. I have no clue what to do, what i want in life. I have lost my soul somewhere. I used to be this happy jolly person who cared about people about things around him. Now i am this man who doesn't give a fuck about anything, who is as soul less as a rock on the bottom of the ocean, a man who puts up a facade of still being his former self. I have lost my compassion towards my friends, heck i have started hating then almost, even though they haven't done anything wrong. I feel like a traveller seeking water, lost in the sahara desert. I just feel like my life's going no where. Luckily i aint depressed cause i just don't know what negative emotions feel like, i dont get sad over shit, i cry i feel bad but after a few hours my brain doesn't care anymore about what's happened, which is a blessing and a curse. I just feel like my life emotionally and spiritually is going nowhere. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2051,"Title: I have the answer now. I'm now convinced that suicide is the right choice. Text: I got the answer. I think I have it now. I'm a french student (male, 18 on 21/10) and I've been in college for 1,5 months. While I have always been the perfect student, getting excellent grades, liked by teachers, but always had very few friends and social interactions, I have been unable to study even for 1 hour since I have been here. I realized that I didn't fit the ""societal ideal"", I can't imagine myself living for 80 more years trying to conform to the society. I can't bring myself to believe that I'll be happy studying for years things that don't interest me, trying to give me the possibility to suffer 45 more years, being overwhelmed by pressure and responsabilities. Moreover, I hate being surrounded by my peers. It exhausts me. Social interactions make me extremely anxious, it drains my energy. I have been skipping some classes by faking illnesses, and in general I can't really hope of getting away with no work, since my studies ask for extreme dedication and motivation, which I had prior my very first day of school. I just feel like I'm no longer deluded like I was before. Now, when I see work, I'm no longer ready to suffer happily believing ""it's for my future"", ""I'll be happy one day if I continue working hard"". This world is just constant work, with few moments of relief. Stress, responsabilities, pressure. It feels so selfish to say that. Not like most people go through it every single day and don't complain right ? How many times my grandmother has told me the fact that she worked very hard as a nurse without having any rest day for years ? Still, I can't help but ask my the following question : Why ? Why should I do that ? What justifies the suffering ? Making my family happy and proud ? Do I owe it to them ? Well, they support me financially and emotionally, in some sense I do. I lost this delusion, the one that made me able to work because I was convinced it was for a noble cause : my future, a future where I would be happy. But the future is just more work, more deadlines, more stress, more responsabilities. What I'm experiencing now is nothing compared to the suffering I would get working real jobs. Then, I guess I'm just a coward, barely human anymore. Work, the ability to create and to dedicate oneself into an action, is what makes us humans. If I refuse to work (well in my case to study), to conform to the social norms, I'll just lose my humanity instantaneously : as an outsider, my family and society in general will despise me and I'll face disappointment, regret, heavier depression, and here suicide is the immediate option. If I keep on deluding myself, I give myself the option of losing my humanity gradually : my social anxiety, mental problems, inability to adapt to situations, pessimism and lack of self-confidence will make me and my family live through hell. I have no other options but to commit to suicide. Commit it in order to escape this unavoidable pain and suffering. From an objective point of view, I consider myself as a coward, running away from responsabilities, pain, suffering, pressure, while you should suffer it since it is part of the contract to which we agree to bind ourselves as individuals in society. From my point of view, I find this escape truly beautiful and comforting, as well as very logical. If I knew what awaited me, I don't think I would have worked so hard since I'm a small kid in order to get the very best grades at each test. It feels so meaningless. Worse, it feels like you're allowing yourself to suffer even more. Paradoxical, isn't it ? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2052,"Title: Do you ever wonder about the people that post here? Text: I wanted to reply to someone yesterday but the post I was looking at was gone before I could. Something about them sitting in the woods behind a park by themselves. I wonder how they're doing. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2053,"Title: You are all fucking valid man Text: I see a lot of posts saying I don’t feel valid and I’m sorry if I sound mad but I’m genuinely about to fucking cry I love all of you idc if you have small cuts large burns rubber band scratch’s punch’s hair pulling any time you go to harm yourself that’s self harm and yours is just as valid as mine and vice versa if you are going to relapse please message me or maybe commit please Fucking message me I care so much please don’t do anything For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2054,"Title: “The truth.” Text: “What’s that on you’re arm?” I froze when my mom asked me that question a second time, “I had a rash so I used a brush and it caused this.” “Tell me the truth.” I explained the truth and she told me how it was a bad reflection of her parenting and that if I’m seeking attention this is not the way to get it, I’m not allowed to be alone or even in the bathroom for a good 15 minutes. I don’t self harm anymore but she did apologize but she said it’s just parenting....Saying that children are monsters only because I said it first doesn’t make anything less painful to hear. “You’re letting things get to you.” “Why did you let the devil take over you’re mind.” She’s getting me therapy but...she’s not who she seems. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 2055,"Title: I’m being summoned to eviction court after the abuser abandoned the property Text: I could really use some advice… I got a permanent protective order this past spring. The judge asked me if I wanted the home and I said no, so he gave it to my abuser. Both our names were on the lease, and the property manager was very well aware that I never had a job or access to the account to pay the rent, or access to our mail box. A few days after i got the p.o. I called the complex to try to get off the lease. They refused to let me off the lease, even though I explained the law to them and offered to bring in my order. They said I would need his permission even with the order and refused to terminate the lease (even though they had every right to, since he committed a criminal offense). Our safety was more important to me, so I gave up trying. In September I found out that he had abandoned the apartment, thrown away everything I owned, and done significant damage to the apartment. He ended up moving all the way across the country without telling the management, and leaving no forwarding address. The detective who was already investigating him came to take pictures of the damage and empty rooms. She promised to write me a letter to make the management let me off the lease but hasn’t gotten around to it yet. All of this time I had a friend going over periodically to check in on the apartment. Today she found a summons for eviction court. I thought he was paying this whole time and had never received a late notice or email or phone call. I know my abuser won’t be in court. But I’m going so I can give them his new address to contact him. I couldn’t even pay the money the apartment complex is owed if I had to. My abuser could definitely pay the money, but instead he did this on purpose. I really can’t have this on my record, or I’ll never be able to rent once I get back on my feet. I’m so scared. What do I do? Will the judge be willing to listen to me? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2056,"Title: Feeling loneliness and detachment from my former self Text: This post is a jumbled mess, apologies I’m 23 and have had a lot change in the last 2 years of my life. I’m writing this on the 2 year anniversary of my best friend unexpectedly passing. It seems like this was the start of the change in my general happiness. Since then, I’ve graduated college, gotten a good job, and moved out on my own. All good things, but living in the “real world” adds an immense amount of stress that I never even considered. Early this year I had some drastic changes to my personal life that have affected me deeply. First, my girlfriend of four years broke up with me out of the blue, just months after she moved to my city, so we were finally able to spend more time together. 2 days after her birthday, when we were so happy and I gave her as much love as I possibly could, it all ended in an instant. No real reasons or explanations, and I think going back to talk or get closure would hurt me even more. Days later my parents told me that they’re separating. Lies and infidelities that went on for years all came to light at once. This all felt like a bomb being dropped on the life I knew. It’s been 8 months since this happened and I am nowhere close to the same person I was before. I actively avoid people at my job, because now I’d rather hide and keep to myself. A lot of my friends have moved away, and I recently moved into a living situation where my roommate isn’t around much, so a majority of my time is now spent alone. The perfect family life I thought I had has crumbled around me and my parent’s home is no longer the sanctuary it once was. I think I’m doing fine at my job, and everyone I know thinks I’m okay on the surface, but I feel completely lost and am just trying to get through the days and weeks. I’ve been abusing weed and nicotine much more than in my past and I can feel the negativity these things bring me, but I can’t pull myself to stop. Until this year I haven’t really cared about my mental health because I was happy, had great people around me, and constant support from my family. Almost all of that is gone now and I’m struggling. I’ve never seen a psychiatrist or any doctors about this, but I have a sibling with severe anxiety and bipolar disorder so I’ve began to think that something isn’t right with me. I don’t have the same motivation and appreciation for life and the world that I did a year ago. I miss my friend, who left us way too soon. I miss having someone who loves me who I can talk to every day. I miss the family life that I had for 22 years. I just feel so lonely and helpless now and I don’t know how to pull myself out For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2057,"Title: I feel so disconnected with everyone and everything Text: does anybody else feel like you’re just living day by day and you dont have any goals in mind ? like there are times that you picture yourself doing something good that you would love to succeed in but then there is that voice in your head that tells you that you’re dumb and that will never be able to accomplish it and then you hate yourself for thinking so damn negative and no matter how hard you try to be positive you just can’t so you go back to laying in bed all damn day and not do shit and then it just keeps repeating every single day, you see all your friends being happy online, traveling, graduating, accomplishing their goals and you feel like complete shit for not being like them. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2058,"Title: Proud milestone Text: This is the first time in years that I’ve thrown out an old bag of garbage and it containing nothing that had to do with self harm (blades, bloody tissues, bandaids, gauze etc.) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 2059,"Title: i’m supposed to commit suicide in 2 hours Text: second post on here woop- im supposed to commit in 2 hours and i’m desperately searching for a reason to stay. i think i’m actually gonna do it and i just wanna go so badly. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2060,"Title: Relapse :/ Text: I don’t know why but I’ve gone into an episode of relapsing and I’ve learnt how to cut deeper which isn’t good but now I can’t stop cutting to shallow styro I also have a sleepover at a friends house this Saturday, hope my cuts heal in time For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2061,"Title: I've honestly never felt like I do right now Text: On Friday night I suffered a complete breakdown. I was at a work thing and first-hand saw the impact of status. I was trying to chat to a girl I work with and one of the senior people disrespected me saying she was out of my league and legit introduced her to one of the 'higher ups' working in the actuarial department. Oh man, I've never been so low. At that moment I decided I am going to leave the job. I liked working there but this is what scared me. Over Covid there was no obvious hierarchy but as soon as things start to come back we're back into this bullshit again. I'll never enjoy a work night out again. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2062,"Title: I’ve started putting together a plan to end my life. This is my last call for help. Text: I’m just so tired. I was already set to graduate a year late but now I’ve got an extra quarter on top of that bc I tried working during school to supplement the scholarships I lost and got so burnt out I had to drop 2 of my 3 classes. I hate my job. And my bf saw my depression room before I had the chance to clean and now I can’t look him in the eye, despite him saying he’s not judging and is just worried about me. I’m getting left behind and won’t graduate with my classmates…again. My bf saw me at my absolute lowest that I’ve been so carefully hiding for years and no one was ever supposed to see. I have no money, barely any for school, MAYBE enough for rent, and none for food. It’s like no matter how hard I try I can never keep up, and I’ve been trying since as early as I can remember to keep up with everyone around me. Now I’m an adult, still struggling damn near the same if not worse, and I can’t do it anymore. I’m so tired. I’m so embarrassed and disappointed in myself. A small amount for everybody else is entirely too much for me and I can’t be what anybody expects of me anymore. I’m just too tired. And they’ll all leave me alone if I just disappear. Idk how to ask for help, or how to explain my struggles to my family and friends. I know they love me and care about me, but they can’t do any of this for me. Not college. Not navigating severe, late diagnosed ADHD (last year). Not keeping my apartment clean. Not work. Not my mental health. It’s literally all on me, I have to do everything everyday all the time in a world that’s not made for me and is crumbling more and more everyday. I just can’t anymore. I’m too tired. This is my last cry for help. I don’t really wanna die. I love my bf so much. My family and friends mean the world to me. I have big dreams for my career. But I’m just too tired. I’m so tired. And dying would definitely cure that if nothing else will. I’ve never known how to ask for help when I needed it most, but I’m trying to now. Please help. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2063,"Title: My teacher forced me to look at self harm photos Text: Basically today my art teacher was talking to a couple of classmates that were behind me. They were talking about performance art and at some point he said “oh there’s this artist that uses self harm as a form of art” (I don’t remember her name and I don’t want to know it.) I basically looked at him dead in the eyes and said “what do you mean?” And he acted like “why are you asking, it’s obvious. She cuts herself. Here, look at some photos of her art” I quickly turned back to what I was doing because I didn’t want to see the pics for obvious reasons. Then he told me “Why are you acting like this” I answered “I don’t want to look at these pictures because violence upsets me.” And he literally said “Don’t act like this. It’s art, it’s not like the young girls who are mentally ill”. And then he basically forced me to look at fucking photos of cuts. I don’t even know how to process this. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2064,"Title: M52 Text: sometimes just having someone to text would be nice For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2065,"Title: I ran 2200 miles Text: I went across the country to be safe from my abuser. He was so manipulative and narcissistic. I am so proud of myself. But it was over 28+ of time with driving, hotels, stops for gas. And pain and aggravation. I made it 12/23 late afternoon. I’m still trying to get myself back together. I am still grieving after the loss of everything (home, relationship, independence, money, and just not knowing what’s next). I’ll be staying with mom for awhile until I can get back on my feet. I have unpacking to do still. Still adjusting to new time zone and new life down here. I have connected to a DV organization to help me get back on my feet as I get through this adjustment and terrifying time. I just want words of encouragement or advice from anyone who has done any of this etc. I’m just trying to stay strong. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2066,"Title: He hit me again. Text: He only hits me when he’s belligerently drunk. This afternoon I helped him write an essay for his criminology masters class. We drank rum. We both have a drinking problem, but I don’t get violent. Anyways, we were in bed watching We Bare Bears to lull us to sleep (all’s normal) when he gets up to go to the bathroom. I realize he’s super far gone when he sits up and asks “...is this my house ?” Yes. It is. Eventually he finds his way to the bathroom and out again. He asks me “what did you say?” I didn’t say anything. He says again “what did you fucking say” ‘nothing’. Next I know he’s hitting me on my head. Now in the past I’d cry and berate him verbally for hitting me. I’m tired of this by now. I pulled him onto the bed and started straight slapping him. I’m much less drunk than him so it’s pretty easy. He gets me by my hair and pulls me to the ground and starts pushing neck / lower face while pulling my hair. I bite down on his thumb as hard as I can and start kicking. He finally lets go and I sit there screaming at him. He’s a coward. His mom told me not to let him hit me again. I’m stupid for staying. If he touches me again I’ll call the police. I don’t care that he’ll lose his cushy military officership. I’d rather that than be hit again. Eventually I leave the room bc he wouldn’t fuck off to sleep and I was still scared. Now I’ve taken the puppy out of her kennel for company and I’m sleeping on the couch. This is why I keep our gun hidden. For context, F (27) married almost 4 yrs. no human kids, 1 pup and a cat. I just had to get this off my chest. I’m so broken right now. I’m over 1000 miles away from my family and he’s all I have. We just got a house, and I know this isn’t who he really is, but he won’t stop getting liquor and feeding our addiction. Thank you for listening. XO For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 2067,"Title: Relapsing is a lot more difficult Text: Now when i say that, I don't mean I've recovered and don't go days without wanting to relapse. It's the thought of the ones who care about me. My mom is watching me like a hawk with it and it hurts telling my boyfriend about it. The scars on my arm I've gotten used to. It's just hard because i don't want attention on me for self harming but I'm screaming for help at the same time. My relapse urges are no longer a depression response but more of a self hate response. Besides this relapse honestly scared me a bit with how much it bled. I like having this account to vent off to about my mental health but it also scares me with my bf following me. I don't plan on going anywhere, just have a hard time pushing through some things. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2068,"Title: I AM SO FUCKING TIRED OF BEING TOLD I AM TOO MUCH TO DEAL WITH WITH MY ANGER AND BPD!! Text: I TRUST NO ONE!!! This is my cry for help For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2069,"Title: I've been struggling with my mental health for years and I've finally been brave enough to make an appointment with a doctor. Text: I'm hoping I'll get a positive outcome from this, I just want to be happy again. I'll keep anyone updated if interested :) EDIT: I now have an appointment with CBT to have a phone consultation and hopefully get some therapy sorted. Also, thank you to the kind stranger who gave this post an award, I really did not deserve it but I really appreciate your support :) EDIT 2: Thank you so much to everyone for all your support, it really means a lot ❤️ For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2070,"Title: I lost both my parents and decided to cut myself but then I found a way out. 21m Text: Honestly it has been hard for me live after losing my parents, but one day I just decided that I will live for myself and be happy for myself and do everything on my own. That turning point was just me clearing my head of negative thoughts and looking forward and never looking back at the past ever again, now I'm clean for over 2 years and yes I get the days that make me remember the bad days but I don't regret it as it made me who I am and I'm proud that I was able to stop. I believe in anyone trying to stop and if you need anyone to talk to I'll do my best to be a good listener. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 2071,"Title: Feel like I can't stop Text: Small achievement, I've been SH free for almost 24 hours(I know it's not big but still). But it feels like I can't stop....It's like my body craves it, I honestly don't think I've ever felt so low in my life. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2072,"Title: question about the process of a dv shelter Text: This morning my sons father put his hands on me and broke stuff around the house. I called the cops and they asked if I wanted him arrested. I said yes because I'm tired of people getting away with things and he's done stuff like this before so I was at my tipping point. I also asked for an emergency restraining order which I belive the officer said was only 3 days. The officer called me later on and said he couldn't be served because he wasn't home. My question is will he still be arrested? Like are they actively looking for him? I'm currently at a domestic violence shelter. The officer advised that I work on getting a protective order here at the shelter so I'm wondering if there was nothing done on their end? I'm wondering if anyone has experience with the whole dv shelter process. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 2073,"Title: I am constantly horny and it's bothering me Text: So I am a rape victim... I have noticed recently that I am always horny, like constantly. I had sex like 3 days ago, but I am still constantly horny and I don't know why. It's like I am always craving more. The only upside with it is that I have the energy to do stuff. The downside is, that when I working and doing the stuff I could suddenly get a Bonner or have sexual thoughts. Sometimes I just was to hyperfocus on my assignment you know. Could this be a result of rape? or am I just I very hypersexual person? Also, it's not I am craving the need to have sex, I am just very horny all the time. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2074,"Title: I don't belong here Text: I've been trying to fit in for all of my life. I can't make friends or form relationships with anyone, so what the fuck is the point of living? I get rejected everywhere I go, and I'm convinced it's the world's way of telling me I don't belong. So, I think death is the only cure of this long term disease known as life. I feel alien, but my home planet is non existent. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2075,"Title: FUCK FUCK FUCK TW: a small bit abt cutting Text: I think my parents are starting to suspect that I cut. So basically my parents don’t know that I sh and I have to do swimming in school for sport this term and I have scars on my thighs. They are like on my upper thighs and I still wear shorts the whole time also they’re really shallow and only bled a tiny bit. Anyway so I asked my mum for a note for school so I don’t have to do swimming and just said it was bc I’m on my period. But like before I gave a reason she agreed to give me a note so I asked if hypothetically if I just didn’t wanna do it would she give me a note and she said ok bc “if u don’t wanna do it and won’t do it properly u might aswell not do it” Anyway then I thought I was cool bc I could just get a note every week without having to come up with excuses but then this evening she was asking “are you sure there’s no other reason like u don’t wanna wear swimmers?” And I said there wasn’t but she kept asking. My younger sister I’m pretty sure has been cutting a small bit on her legs with sharp plastic and bc I’ve been wearing hoodies the whole time even when summer is about to start I think they are suspicious. What should I do? Sorry for the long post and if parts of it don’t make sense it’s probably cuz I’m tired while typing this. Also I should add I’ve only been cutting for just over a month and only did it on my thighs for like the first week before realising that someone might see so now I do it on my stomach. And all the cuts on my thighs are pretty shallow there’s a photo on my other acc but I’m thinking it my dad who has reddit might have found that acc and that’s how they know bc u could probably identify it as me combining all the posts I’ve made and the pics are probably obvious even though I blacked out all around do u can only just see the scars For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2076,"Title: My sister's brilliant advice Text: So over the years of my very lonely college life my older sister visited me every once i'm a while. And she always asked me about how is my social life going. Do i meet up with friends or go on dates. I didn't because nobody liked me. Never put in any effort into talking to me and always turned down my date/hang out invitations with some chrap excuses. Over the years i found out they always considered me an annoying loser. But obviously didn't tell my sister that because i didn't want to humiliate myself. So i just made some excuses how me or they are too busy with studying or ""personal stuff"". My sister would then roll her eyes and tell me to put myself out there and just talk to people. 6 years passed like this, i never managed to improve my reputation and was still as lonely as ever. I did manage to get one friend who i thought cared about me because she put on more effort than everyone else. But she didn't, and eventually straight up told me to my face what everyone was saying behind my back. So during my sister's next visit i just gave up and told her everything in full detail about how my life looks like. Her response? Roll her eyes and tell me that i hang out with shitty people and should just put myself out there more and change my social circle. And that i should stop being so negative about my life because it's annoying For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2077,"Title: It's not easier as a girl Text: I'm probably going to get dunked on for this but oh well. Maybe it's easier to get sex or a relationship, but honestly I wouldn't know and that's not the kind of connection I want. I want some semblance of family, or friends, or just somebody who cares for me. I've never had anybody give a shit about me, not family, not friends. I feel cursed, like something about me is so off putting that everybody tries to avoid me. Ever since I was a kid I was treated different, I've never had anyone there for me. It just fucking sucks to have nobody there for you. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2078,"Title: Muffins and Nipples Text: I turned in a man at work after he hugged up a young female worker and rubbed her arm vigorously. When she came near him again (can't avoid it), he crouched down to her level where his chest was level to hers, danced very close to her rubbing his nipples and you could see it made her uncomfortable. After his massaging my shoulders and his persistent touching, I brought it up to the boss. I wasn't looking to get him fired, just to quell his ways. He was very likable otherwise. But his friend saw me take the boss aside for a serious discussion so naturally he was aware when his friend got ""in trouble"" it was my fault. Fast forward some months. I feel 'sir touchy' is aware that I told but he's not letting on. It's the little hints he gives off. But today he went too far. Today he got right beside me and mentioned his nipples, as a joke. He mentioned muffins and asked what kind mine would be, but since he had another woman there who took it as all harmless fun, I tried not to make much of it. But a while later he said we were ""holding on muffins"" and he put both hands up to his breasts as he repeatedly mentioned muffins and he was coming in my direction. It was aimed at me. He could see I was not amused. But of course he continued to do some serious playing around and everybody loves him and I'm not sure what to do. He acted like he was sorry and trying to make up but I do NOT trust him. I know if I take it to the boss it's going to open a can of worms. UPDATE: Today he danced so close to me and so in my face so many times in the day and I said nothing. I feel so stupid for not speaking up instead of just smiling and getting away from him. I told myself yesterday that now that I see through I won't be so caught off guard, but I froze like I always do. At first you don't want to make too much of it but then he drags it on and makes it clear he's harassing. He is harassing me. I guess I'll just wait until he does something again and really call him out in front of everyone. Until then, I'm documenting. EDIT: I also did not just freeze. At least once I just stood there and DID NOT back away. I let him get in my face without so much as a blink. I was intimidating to him. Kind of my way of saying 'you can get as close as you want, I'm not backing down because i'm not scared of you.' UPDATE: 10/24/2018 Today another female manager ""K"" was playing around with ""J"", the harasser. I was standing right near them and he said loudly, ""K is raping me!"". She didn't seem to see that it was aimed at me and just took it as a joke. Me? Stupid, passive reaction as usual. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 2079,"Title: Experiences with going to court? Text: I’ve been out of my abusive relationship for about 5 months now, and the longer I’m out of it the more I realize how horrible it was. I don’t think it’s fair that he gets to keep living his life like normal, like he did nothing wrong, but I’m stuck suffering all this trauma and pain. I want him to face consequences and so I really think I’d like to press charges. I have no idea where I’d even start the process, what the process looks like, and I’m honestly really scared to take that step. I think I have enough proof to be successful in court, including photos of injuries, my personal journal & timestamped notes app notes, screenshots of him harassing me, and my therapists accounts of my trauma. I was just wondering if anyone could share their experiences with pressing charges or if anyone had advice. Thank you! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2080,"Title: Started No Cut November for myself. Havent cut the whole month! Text: Title is self explanatory. I picked a few scabs from accidental cuts (from working) and at first I was like ""shit that kinda counts as SH"" and I was also like ""Well Ive never had the intention to hurt myself when picking a scab, its an old habit ive had since a kid. So I have been clean for almost a month and its been one of the roughest months this year. Im pretty proud of myself :) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 2081,"Title: WE HAVE AN ISSUE 🤡 Text: SO I HAD A BLADE. IN MY SOCK. BECAUSE I HAD IT IN THERE CAUSE NO ONE IS GONNA CHECK A SOCK ON MY FOOT. AND I WAS JUST GONNA KEEP IT IN THERE TILL I GOT BACK TO MY ROOM BUT THEN I GOT FUCKING YELLED AT AND WAS NOT ALLOWED TO BE IN MY ROOM. SO I FORGOT I PUT IT IN THERE. I TOOK OFF MY SOCKS 15 MINUTES AGO. I CANNOT FIND THE BLADE. FUCK. 🥲 EDIT: UMMM THE BLADE JUST FUCKING??? FELL OFF OF ME????? LIKE I STOOD UP FROM MY BED AND HEARD A CLINK AND THE BLADE WAS ON THE FLOOR. IDK HOW IT HAPPENED BUT IM GLAD I FOUND IT For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2082,"Title: im so tired and overwhelmed. Text: everything i do feels like a chore. i become tired and the smallest inconvenience or bad thing that happens to me makes me feel so overwhelmed to the point where i nearly cry and get sad or irritated. idk what to do, it feels like no one listens to me. whenever i tell someone i feel stressed and anxious they either push it to the side or they start talking about themselves or how im lying/overreacting. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2083,"Title: Rude Text: So my friend who's a lesbian knowing that I was raped said: ""Imagen how horrible it would be for me, it would be worse for me because I don't even like men!"" For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2084,"Title: You guys ever wonder how many posts get half-written on this sub and then discarded? Text: It can be so hard to express ones mind at times. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2085,"Title: RESEARCH PARTICIPANTS NEEDED FOR A STUDY ON EXPERIENCES AFTER A MOTOR VEHICLE CRASH (MVC) Text: Are you over the age of 18? Have you been involved in a MVC (i.e. car, bicycle, motorcycle, pedestrian)? Are you willing to share your experiences after the crash? If you answered YES to all 3 questions, we want to learn from you! The study will explore your experiences of mattering (the extent to which you feel like you matter after the crash). Your participation will be contributing valuable information and understanding about a construct that is unexplored for individuals that have experienced a MVC. **INTERVIEW TIME:** The virtual interview can take about 45 to 75 minutes of your time. **REMUNERATION:**: You will receive compensation for your participation in this study in the form of $20. **Please contact ron.burdo@mail.utoronto.ca for more information** For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2086,"Title: I wanna make it look like an accident Text: If I kill myself my mom would forever hate herself and wonder what she could’ve done better. But if I make it look like an accident it might be easier for everyone For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2087,"Title: Charity Boss' sexual harrassment Text: I work for a charity, the boss (male) let's call him Bob, openly makes inappropriate comments to women. This is pretty well known. Bob often makes just uncomfortable comments about appearance, for example, if I'm stressed on the job, "" Youre too pretty to be upset"", every time seeing him he'll make a remark about what I'm wearing how it looks good, or for a while a continual remark on weight, which is just odd. I am not alone in this, he does it to all the women. Then there's been crossing the line jokes, ""I can't sit around without pants on now"", ""you want to mud wrestle"", sexual induendos out of just regular situations for example, ""Did you put the mail in my slot"" then followed up with get it, then the ""relax it's not a sexual joke"". We work with a vulnerable population and I've recently learned he calls, in private a patient 'his pornstar', which she is very uncomfortable with but also she doesn't want to say anything about and asked me not too. There's no laid out procedure to report him. I have contacted an oversight organization, but it's been a slow process and I'm concerned it'll come back on me, due to his position. So my anxiety is through the roof. Anyone else would be suspended immediately and fired. He's well known in the community, his comments while making ppl uncomfortable are shrugged off. A coworker who left reported it to a sexual assault centre to find out what to do, and was basically told he's a good guy, and to talk to him, he'll understand. I'm just frustrated, it's hard when everyone is complacent. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 2088,"Title: Outside the Courtroom Text: Sitting outside the courtroom. I will be questioned on the stand to change the conditions of the protective order for my wife. She blinded me in one eye earlier this year. She had stopped all psychiatric treatment after she was as raped. This lead to a psychotic break where she smashed a glass into my eye. This was the only occurrence of violence she has ever directed at me. The state took up the case and wants to press criminal charges. She needs to be processed through the mental health court instead. I don’t want her separated from me or our family. She is back on her meds and receiving proper counseling now. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2089,"Title: thinking about writing him after a little over a year Text: I asked something similar on here before but now a little more time passed so for the context, I (f21) was raped a little over a year ago and all that got handled by court (twice) and he got what he deserved. the first court appointment was in march 2022 and the second one about two weeks ago. He apologized honestly in front of everyone both times, you could hear how bad he felt. the regret in his voice was pretty obvious and he never dared to look up except for when he had to make his testimony. he confessed pretty quick, as soon as he got in the police car on the day it happened (a looong time passed before I got told that he never lied about what happened). We were close friends for about 3 years before all this happened, we were intimate a few times in the past but we stopped with that after I got into a relationship in december 2020. He supported me with my relationship and I supported him with his. Two weeks ago I found out that he never contacted me earlier (although he really wanted to) because he didn't have his phone, his lawyer told him not to (because of the on going process that is now over) and he was really really scared of what I and everyone else would say/think. Now that everything is officially over I thought about writing him (I thought about it before). I don't have any idea what I could write and I don't want to forgive him but I'd like to listen to everything he has to say to me/didn't have the chance to say to me. My head and thoughts are still chaos and somehow I'm not even very mad at him ( I received a PTSD diagnosis and I still can't get rid of it) Now I'd like to know what others think of my thought and if I should go through with it and what I could write. I don't plan to befriend him with this message, neither do I want to forgive him with that and I don't want to write never ending back and forth messages. I just want to write a short message to give him a chance to apologize again if he wants to or to say what he couldn't say to me before For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2090,"Title: I need help asap Text: I was carjacked and assaulted and gangraped. My husband has a girlfriend which I was om with at first. But now I am told I lied about the assault. That nothing I do is good enough. He is threatening to take the car away. He told me my sons abusive father and girlfriend are better parents. That the meds I take ( antidepressants and ambien) are illegal. He tell me he wants a divorce every 6 months. He wants nothing to do with me aside from cleaning up and taking care of my son. He isn't violent. Buy I can't stay here. I can't live like this. I don't think I can live For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, domesticviolence_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 2091,"Title: I think I made a shocking discovery today.. Text: So I’ve been very lonely in the friend and relationship department ever since I graduated highschool. I’d get no attention from women ever and would never really meet new friends. On the relationship side, I assumed I just didn’t make the cut for good looks and maybe I’m also too socially awkward (probably true). Well, I’m a server at Olive Garden and had a table of a few girls my age. After I left, one of them had left her phone number on the receipt. This is the first time something like this has happened to me since highschool and I’m starting to finally get my confidence back. After chatting for a while, it turns out she was actually 17.. so.. I had to cut it off. But still, I guess that means I’m at least somewhat attractive. That’s what I discovered. And I’m happy about that. Huge confidence boost for me For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2092,"Title: was i just sexually harassed? Text: so i was in school in my engineering class, i was wearing a sweater that has a zipper going down to my chest area with no shirt on underneath. I was talking with one of my friends while i was working on cleaning my station, so i was not paying attention and busy. all of a sudden my friend fully unzips my sweater and just stares for a second at my chest, quickly i cover my self and re zip my sweater. i just stood there in shock as he said “sorry for exposing you” and walked away. minutes later he was treating me like he normally would. i’m confused on what to do or say. we’ve been friends for a year and he has always been pretty touchy to the point where i’m barely uncomfortable but i don’t know how to say anything. he is in a relationship and i’m scared to say anything worried that i’ll be blamed for ruining their relationship. i’m confused and don’t know if i was actually harassed or just overreacting. he didn’t know i had no shirt on underneath For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 2093,"Title: I can’t hold a job Text: I’ve been trying and failing at jobs for the past three years. It’s humiliating. I have people who depend on me who are suffering because I can’t get my shit together. I can’t take it any more. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2094,"Title: Was in a bad marriage for 20 years-I got out and found the love of my life. Text: 20 years married to a narcissist and I finally got out. Cheated on me. Always accused me of cheating on him. Made me afraid to speak to any other man he didn’t know. Made me feel like I’d never make it on my own. I couldn’t tell him how I felt about anything. It was always turned around and it would be my fault. I was always saying I’m sorry. Even if I hadn’t done anything. If things weren’t done his way it was bad. There’s so much more that I’m sure others have experienced as well. Too many to name. He Started drinking and taking pills. It got even worse. He never hit me but I was afraid a few times he was going to shoot me with the gun he’d have in his hand. Got out Christmas 2016. He’s asked people to come to where I live and hurt me and destroy my things-said he’d pay them. Told several people he’d kill me. Fast forward to 2018-met a great guy. Loving, makes me feel like I’m the only one. Been together for 1 year now. It’s the kind of relationship that you dream about. You fantasize about. Today: I was feeling very anxious about something he had casually mentioned to me. So I messaged him at work. Told him my concerns and guess what? He approached them with love and honesty. Not screaming and placing the blame on me. He talked with me about it and let me know it was ok to have these feelings and to talk to him about it. You see we’re a team. We’re a partnership. We’re in it for all the right reasons. To know that he loves me the way he does is amazing. To get to feel something I’ve never had before because I was never first in anyone’s eyes until now. Always sends me messages to make sure my days going ok. He makes sure I know that I’m loved. We’re open and honest with each other. Sometimes I forget that it’s that easy if I have a problem to just go to him. He’s my rock. We both have our issues/problems. But difference is that we share those with each other. We lean on each other. It’s out there you just have to be brave and take that first step. It’s hard I know but I know you can do it. You have to get away from the abuse. The negativity. The evil. Trust that it’s gonna be ok. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2095,"Title: i finally have feelings for someone again Text: i was in an abusive relationship for 18 months and i’ve been out for 19 months now. i was losing hope to ever feel those butterflies in a healthy way without someone who made me feel like shit. im a lesbian and i was abused by my male boyfriend when i thought i was bisexual. i started dating men straight out of my dv relationship and it really corrupted my sense of love even further because i was taken advantage of so much in such a weak state. when i finally realised i was gay it took me a very long time to feel like i could ever truly be complete without a man. my ex boyfriend was extremely homophobic and traditional and thought that gay marriage could never be complete and whole. now, im finally starting to feel nervous and excited and feel complete with a girl. there is hope for romance even with ptsd and trauma. <3 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2096,"Title: Ring any bells? Text: I’m out of control I’m driving reckless I’m shooting flares I’m going to crash No one cares Help. I’m dying. I’m dying right in front of your eyes I look fine. I’m dying. I’m sorry I really am I don’t know what happened It’s fucked up I’m so sorry For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2097,"Title: I need to go to a psych ward Text: I have never been this close, guys. Every single day, I inch closer and closer to the edge. I’ve been abandoned by everyone. I only have my husband and 17 year old sister left along with no friends. I’m very isolated from the world, not because I wanted to but because I became a symbol of hatred in my family. They just don’t like me, yet they like my sister. My sister and I have almost the same personality, so I know it’s not my personality. I just don’t know why I’m so unloveable. Why am I not in a psych ward? I live in the US and if I do survive, I’ll lose my job and I cannot afford to miss work. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2098,"Title: jumping off my terrace tonight Text: yeah thats it..death is the only way out. i dont see myself ever liking this life. its just way too worthless to me. always have been but it just kept getting worse. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2099,"Title: Is my rapist really a rapist?? Text: I (16f) got into a very sticky situation right after i turned 15. Its been over a year since it happened so a lot of things have blurred and stuff since it happened, i wrote down in some notes as much and with as much detail as i could remember. Long story short, i invited one of my friends over, a girl we’ll call Chloe. I taught her how to swim at my schools pool, then we went and got chinese by my house and went back to my place to hang out and eat. A guy i had been flirting with back then got wind that i would be alone with my friend for the night and ask to come over, i had said no bc she was over but he came anyway. He knocked on my door and i didnt wanna see like a ass and seem like i was avoiding him so i let him in. As soon as their both inside i offer them some edibles, saying i was gonna move soon and didnt want to take them to the new house, they both decline so i take all four gummies i had. It was a strong does but i dont remember the exact MG in each gummy. Him and my friend got along pretty well but left me in a awkward situation, they talked about guns and the neighborhood they lived in when their were young and how he had all sorts of ties and stuff in gangs and how he had access to all types of drugs and guns and weapons. It felt a little intimidating and i could tell my friend as well lost interest in his conversation because she couldnt relate anymore. It was more than obvious i was high and Chloe asks if im really okay to be alone, i said yeah and that once they left id just be cleaning the house anyway. I let him know ahead of time that he would have to leave when she left. He said it was fine. Chloe ends up leaving early and he decides to stay anyway in which, i was too scared to say no in a way. Or tell him to leave because it has always been super hard for me to say no, it still is hard. So i let him stay, and i start to go to my room, he follows me and we end up laying on my bed together and watching a movie. He starts to get kinda touchy and things kinda blur right here in my memory. The next I remember i down to just a shirt and hes naked. Hes laying on top of me and i guess trys to sit up and scoots forward to kiss me, he slips inside of me, i hadnt consented yet and when i gasp he looks down and js smiles, he doesnt move he doesnt apologize he just stands there until he moves away. I started crying and stuff and he’s apologizing a lot saying how much he loves me and how he just wants our first times to be together (which wasnt true, he wasnt a virgin at the time.) as he’s apologizing hes searching through his pants for a condom. I didnt realize until i had stopped crying and he was sitting on my bed again. He put the condom on before even asking if i wanted to continue and when he did ask, i said he had already been in so whats the point. I never said yes to continuing but he did continue anyway, and i didnt stop it. It ended quickly and he wanted to shower together, i said no and that he should just leave. And guess what? My dad came home as we were dressing. He wants to go out and MEET MY DAD. I shut that down quick and walk him out, telling my dad i was gonna walk the dog. I stressed and cried for weeks and couldn’t physically or mentally understand what happened that night. He gave me money for plan b a few days later but my dad ended up taking the money, not believing me when i told him that i got it from a friend. I made up the money in a 15$ 7/11 card i had and 5$ cash and gave it back to him saying it was too late to take plan b anyway. When i finally came out about all that happened i was told a million different things and my family still doesnt know it ever happened. So if i never really said to stop.. is he really a rapist..? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 2100,"Title: It’s happening again Text: I…. I started hurting myself again.. not the same way as before. It’s never the same but this time is pretty hidden and in a place where no one ever thinks of but is so easily to find if you just looked at a person but nobody does that anymore. Well i DONT know why I do it.. it’s subconsciously and I’m not feeling ok. I’m not feeling anything.. my head is a total blank space, there’s nothing there. I don’t feel any emotion nor am I aware of what’s happening. Yes I asked for help again and I’m waiting for the help that I needed but… idk. I’m not trying to end things i promise like I said is subconsciously but when I notice my fingers are filled with what goes through my body :( (don’t want to trigger anyone with the word) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2101,"Title: Do you think it’s normal to feel traumatized by one act of rape after a decade? Text: I was raped 12 years ago and it still really affects me. I have survivor friends who have been through multiple rapes so I’m not sure why it still impacts me.sometimes I feel bad for complaining so much in therapy about it when people probably have horrific stories. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2102,"Title: i wanna get clean but i feel like i don't have enough scars Text: like when i look at my thighs, they look bare. they look like the thighs of some pussy who couldn't even cut himself properly. and i know that i should stop, i'm four days clean, but i don't have enough scars. i want more. i want those big deep scars that make people sick. i want to run my finger down my thigh and feel every line. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2103,"Title: A game of Relapse hot potato with my best friend. Text: My friend will relapse, I'll relapse, he'll relapse, I'll relapse, we're literally tossing our relapses back and fourth and each time it gets worse. We want to stop this shifty cycle but we don't know how. We are scared shitless, I don't want to end up back in the mental hospital and he doesn't want to have a mental hospital visit EVER. I've been threatened by another one of my friends with the cops being called on me because of how deep I went. I had a panic attack. I can't go back, my meds are working great but I just can't stop getting the thoughts ""What if I cut?"" ""Should I cut?"" And then next thing I know there's a blade sticking out of my thigh. I'm scared For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2104,"Title: Did I harass as a kid? Text: Sorry if this is the wrong place to put this, but all of a sudden I’ve been feeling incredibly guilty over something I did when I was 12. I was on the bus back from school and put my finger in my pocket and kept touching myself to completion. I knew there were people around me (not in my bus seat but in the others) but I did it anyway. Afterwards I remember pushing myself to the side of the glass, and the person in the seat across from me asking if I was ok. Did I harass her? I just feel like when I read about people harassing women by public ally masturbating or Louis ck that I’m no different from them For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2105,"Title: how to help abused person? Text: Hi I know someone (24F) who is going through domestic abuse by (30M) and honestly, I don't know what to do. Signs of the abuse are: She was cut off from family and always he makes her look as she is the bad one. She is being controlled on what she does where she goes. Last time she walked me to the car, he was watching and listening to us from balcony. He is trying to control finances,even though he doesn't have a job. There is plenty more. Getting to the chase, how do I help? She is talking a lot about leaving him, knowing there is plenty of reasons and he is adding more, but she always backs off. I have offered my place and support. She knows I'm ready to get in the car, drive 150 miles and take them away. On the other side, she is also scared something will happen when I'm there to pick them up (daughter, 8 years old). Please feel free to ask questions if there is more information needed, I'm trying to keep it as short as possible. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2106,"Title: “Just because you’re scared of being lonely, doesn’t mean you have to be with the wrong person.” Text: I felt that. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2107,"Title: i hate when people say cutting Text: i dont know if its just me but i really hate it when people say cutting or slitting instead of just self harm because it makes me feel even worse about what im doing For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2108,"Title: Life is crap Text: I need to die. People who I care are long gone they treat me as shit and when I voice out subjugation among my peers I m being made fun and been belittled and made to look like a bad guy among others. I m losing friend because of my close friends. I don’t even think I. Could handle this alone. But I m out of ears to listen what I say. So I m really fucking disgusted and I don’t want to live at all. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2109,"Title: So much anger Text: I'm so angry at the world! I don't want to live For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2110,"Title: im drunk and struggling Text: i want to die so fuxking badly. i feel so fuxking alone. pleas help me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2111,"Title: I’m leaving earth before the year ends Text: It’s not gonna get better , I hate myself to death , I hate my life and my past and present , but more my past My life has always been so shitty For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2112,"Title: should i write a suicide letter Text: i’m probably gonna kill myself either this week or next week and i don’t know if i should write a letter. i don’t really get the point since everyone in my life either hates me or doesn’t care about me. is it even worth the effort? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2113,"Title: I lost my fav blanky ;-; Text: This is the blanky Id hold and smell after I self harmed and needed to calm down from the adrenaline, I had a bunch of them since I was a kid and slowly as time has gone on I’ve lost them one by one. I just finished moving and I can’t find it anywhere, I’m seriously freaking out, I literally only found a literally shred of it. Idk how I can practice aftercare now .... I just needed to tell people who might understand on some level. It fucking sucks... I feel more empty then I have in a while For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 2114,"Title: How do I live without her? Text: After 12 years with the love of my life, I now find myself alone. And it's a complicated story of why and it doesn't even matter at this point. I just can't seem to see anything beyond what was us. I can't stop crying. I just wanted to tell someone. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2115,"Title: Is this sexual harassment? Text: There was an incident at work where a male coworker jokingly called two female coworkers hoes. The joke started with him mentioning hoe hoes and then referred to the females as hoes. Then one of the females replied that she’s only slept with x amount of men and intends to keep it that way. So he replied that maybe he’ll be the next. She actually seemed a bit shocked and told him it was never going to happen. Now I get that the females weren’t bothered by any of this, but the exchange between this man and woman is concerning to me. First of all she is new and perceived by everyone as attractive. She seems to enjoy the attention but honestly from what I witnessed she’s not necessarily begging for it. Sure she’s pretty and makes the effort to look nice, but that’s about it. She’s very outgoing and an extrovert. A lot of men have swarmed around her since the day she started working here. Since she’s not complaining, I figured she’s a grown woman she can handle it. But does that mean the rest of us have to be subjected to these offensive jokes directed at her or other females? I found what he said very offensive, especially since she’s married. Also, there’s a manager that immediately swarmed around her and there’s rumors of an affair. She’s been here for less than 4 months. They were always seen together and he hung out with her outside after work by her car. Now they try to hide their friendship so I don’t really have to be subjected to that anymore. It was obvious at the very least he really shouldn’t be doing that. It made me feel so uncomfortable just trying to get to my car and watching him get nervous when he’d see me. I spoke to a leader in our department about the man’s comments and she told me to pretty much mind my own business. She said that she knows him well, he’s a good person, and that he doesn’t know better. Also that the comments weren’t directed at me and must have not bothered the ladies he was speaking to. They are probably good friends so I should just leave it at that. But I disagree. He has been eyeing this woman from the beginning and like I said she’s not necessarily inviting all the attention she’s getting. He’s in his 60’s and unmarried, she is her late 30’s and married. What he said was offensive to me and inappropriate in the workplace. I just feel that my this female is oblivious to the harassment taking place and down the road she’s going to file allegations against some of these men. This attention may be all fun and games now until a relationship goes bad. Her husband is seen here sometimes and I just cringe because he hasn’t a clue what goes on when he’s not around. So I decided to not get anymore involved but really should this man be reported for harassment? It doesn’t seem like my managers care to do anything about it. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2116,"Title: The time is coming Text: There’s no hope for me. I’m alone all the time, my weight is out of control. I am ugly and don’t have any redeeming qualities. Why am I surprised when I get mean messages on dating apps? I don’t want to feel the sadness and loneliness anymore. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2117,"Title: I told my friend I sh Text: Me and my friend sit together in math class ,Idk why ,but I kinda wanted to tell my friend ,so I kinda rolled my sleeve down and he saw my wounds and was like what is that and I am like I just fell and hurt my arm on stairs,he was like suspicious of me and was like ,really are you lying and I am like maybe I am. And then I told him the truth at first he just looked at the ground not blinking then I made him promise that he won’t tell ,he said that he won’t and that is kinda it. We haven’t talked about it since and I am trying to recover,but I do sh often. And I think he is a bit concerned or maybe he doesn’t care at all For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2118,"Title: I’m trying no to be but I am toxic Text: My girlfriend is leaving me and all I can think about is death. I haven’t told her that I’ll kill myself when she leaves because that is not fair. But that is honestly how I feel. I know it’s not her responsibility to keep me alive. Nothing can keep me alive any more For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2119,"Title: Not sure what happened Text: So yesterday me and my girlfriend had problems so I was stressed all day and anxious and today my cousins came over and it was going all well but I did feel anxious. But then i just had this really bad urge to get out of the room I started getting hot and my heart started beating fast and starting feeling disconnected and i couldn’t speak but then give it 2 minutes and it faded away by itself any idea of what it could be I was thinking a panic attack but I’ve never had one before and it didn’t link with any symptoms. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2120,"Title: comfort Text: for people who don't understand how addicting it can be, whenever i'm feeling numb and can't cry or feel anything, cutting is the only way I can release all the emotions. It's comforting to see red and know I did it, that I'm in control of my own pain. The routine of cleaning myself up, taking a shower and seeing the blood go down the drain, then putting myself to bed with a fresh bandage on. I can't explain how comforting it feels. I don't know how I can ever stop. I've gone almost 3 years once, now i can't seem to go more than a few weeks without relapsing. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2121,"Title: rape or consensual? (DRUNK) Text: How drunk is too drunk to consent? (Legally) I lost my virginity to this guy when I was drunk. He was drinking but wasn’t drunk the way I was. He had to help me upstairs. I was feeling dizzy. I was too drunk to make full sentences that made sense. I felt like a noodle. I was too drunk to move correctly. From what I said was I legally too drunk to consent? Or is it only rape if I would have been unconscious? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2122,"Title: I don’t know how much longer I can go Text: I don’t wanna be here anymore everything just gets worse and worse I’ve tried I tired so hard to do the right things but I always find myself back to where I started even when I go far there’s no hope I don’t know how much longer I can live like this For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2123,"Title: Why Should I Live Anymore? Text: For what purpose should I continue to be alive? They all say “It’s gonna get better.” “Don’t worry, you’ll feel better soon.” “It gets better.” but it never does. It gets worse and worse every day. I keep getting abandoned by anyone who helps me because they get too depressed to help me too. I don’t feel like I belong anywhere. I don’t belong in this world. Why should I continue living? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2124,"Title: how to learn to trust again Text: I’m going on a date for the first time after leaving my abusive relationship, im very excited but my mind always goes back to resorting to old habits of being paranoid ill be cheated on again. Also lately i’ve been getting really back flashbacks of the actual physical abuse when i’m just going about my day i just don’t want to mess up a potentially good date..i guess i will just have to try and take things slow but how do i tell him that without mentioning ive been abused? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2125,"Title: Thank you Reddit from a mental health patient Text: Just wanted to express gratitude to nobody in particular (although I guess to Reddit itself) for facilitating so many important subreddits to do with mental health. I've been a passive Reddit user for a few years. But up until discovering places like this and /r/depression I actually had a very negative view of the social network. I see so much anger, nastiness and toxicity here that it's depressing. It's nice that just as anonymity can breed all of that stuff, it can also allow strangers to come together to help one another through mental health problems. I think of it as the upside to all that bad stuff. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2126,"Title: My Older Brother has regressed to the mentality of a young child Text: Sorry if this isn't the correct place to post this. My Older brother and I have an 8 year age gap. Up until I was around 10 years old, I looked up to my Brother. He was my inspiration because although he has Cerebal Palsy in his left arm, leaving it unable to be used, he still taught me things, like how to play videogames. He was the epitome of a great Older Brother, but then slowly he started to act younger and younger, now to the point where he acts and thinks like a child around the age of 5. I am curious as to what happened? My parents won't take him to be tested or anything. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2127,"Title: As an autistic person, I am struggling to consider any option other than suicide at this point Text: CW: Suicide, discussion of suicidal thoughts I don’t really know where else to put this, but I feel like I’ve exhausted most of my options up to this point, and I am simply at the end of my tether. If this post is not well written or organized, than I offer my apologies here in advance. Additionally, I apologize for its length/repetition, this post is the product of an emotionally-charged typing spree. I (M 22) am a college student who has struggled with autism and clinical depression/anxiety. Without revealing too many autobiographical details, prior to college an abusive parent and my status as a social outcast (amongst many other things) have provided me very little opportunity to experience life in really any meaningful capacity whatsoever. Even with a genuinely caring father who fiscally has done much to make sure that I could enter college, I simply have not been able to transform myself into a better person, or learn how to relate/understand the people around me. On top of this, a major bout of (then undiagnosed) clinical depression rendered the entirety of my high school years a dreadful, blurry haze. In short, up to entering college I had lived an unfulfilled, uneventful existence. I imagined that college would be an opportunity for me to redefine and improve on myself, and in many respects it was. I developed close friendships and personal connections (something which I had never experienced before!), became active with various organizations on campus, and excelled academically. It seemed that, in spite of my past woes, I had learned to thrive socially and experience the intrapersonal relationships which I had long been denied. Flash forward to senior year (I only have so much time to type out everything), but nearly all of my relationships have faded. And trust me, this is not from a lack of effort/attempts to put myself out there. Even worse, those whom I have remained close to have used my kindness/trust as an excuse to treat me with animosity and walk over me as they please. I once again have no one who understands or cares for me. It seems that, no matter how much effort I have put into self-improvement or better understanding those around me, being autistic prevents me from developing any sense of intrapersonal connection or understanding of other people. No matter how many people I interact with, how many situations I put myself in, or how much self reflection I do, I simply cannot change the fact that I am a fundamentally broken excuse of a human being. If my struggles were merely the result of temporary circumstances I would not be considering means as absolute as suicide. but given that I proven to be incapable of functioning in any given situation, as well as the fact that 22 years of existence has only enforced this worldview, this condition of mine seems to be permanent. I feel that I have run out of options, and my future circumstances do not provide room for some spontaneous opportunity to prove myself wrong. Hence, I am here writing on Reddit as a final resort before I go through with my deed. I don’t really know what to ask or say, but I needed to vent/type this, so if you are reading this than thank you. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2128,"Title: My sister was chocked and then kicked in the face by her fiance. What do I do to convince her to end it? Text: He chocked her to the point where she almost passed out and then when she was on the ground he kicked her in the face to a point where he almost broke her nose (lot of blood). She is with me and her family now but wants to go back and try to work it out. He is currently staying in a house owned by my family and there is no lease (new jersey). Been trying to convince her to to end it. They've only been together for 2 years. There have been small instances of verbal and physical abuse before hand but I dont know the full extent of it. What can I do to get her to stay with family and end the relationship? Edit: Thank you all for the help. Taking it all your comments and books into consideration as I try to help her get out of this. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2129,"Title: How do SSRIs work? Text: I’m curious about how SSRI medication works. I tried to read up on it when I took it for nausea and found out it’s used for anti depressants too. However, I still struggle to understand how it works, so can any scholars out there explain it to me like I’m 10? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2130,"Title: Tips for stopping myself from returning. Text: So this is really embarrassing for me so please don’t judge me too much. I’ve left my boyfriend 3 times but have never stayed gone for more than a week. Every time I go back it ends the same way but I keep on going back. I’m away now after a recent bad beating at my friends and I still feel drawn to him and I’ve come close to going back already. Does anyone have any advice on how to stay away from him, maybe some books for building self confidence or something, or like anything you guys did to motivate yourselves to never go back. I could really use some advice, please help if you can. Thanks! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 2131,"Title: I have never felt more alone and helpless in my entire life Text: Even as i write this im on facetime with my girlfriend and it brings me close to tears how much id miss her and its coming to a point where nothing not even her can save me. I have no one to talk to about this without feeling like a burden or judged. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2132,"Title: I plan my suicide 1-3 times per day Text: if I get an urge to end my life while I'm at work, out running errands, with friends, etc., I usually zone out without realizing and think through exactly how I can kill myself after I leave that function. e.g. ""I can go to this store for a rope but they close at 9, so I'll have to leave early, then I can go here, so on and so forth"". Does anyone else have this issue ? I'll usually zone out for 30 seconds or so and people are wondering why I look all spaced out For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2133,"Title: Hopeless... Text: I have decided to get an order of protection. Ten years of fighting, name calling, mistrust, verbal abuse. The past year there have been threats to my life. As well as threats about my family and burning down the house I have decided enough is enough. I literally had to force myself to go to the courthouse and get this done. Why am I feeling an immense amount of guilt? This man lived with me in my home for about nine years now. He has a job and I know he can provide for himself yet I still feel like crap. This is going to be alot harder than I ever could have imagined. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 2134,"Title: i hate people who pretend to be lonely Text: i hate when people claim to be lonely or have no friends like it’s funny and trendy to be a loner. i’ve never been in any sort of group chat with memes and inside jokes, never had like a fun beach day with friends or some kind of road trip, haven’t hung out at a friend’s house since middle school. i’m in college now. i finally have some friends but they’re all scattered and i don’t have a solid group i can rely on. the only time i go out to new places is with my family and i love them and we have fun but it can feel kind of embarrassing because if i’m not out with them i’m just home by myself. i’m truly lonely and not just for being silly and attention-seeking on social media; i’m actually truly lonely. i dunno how to fix this. i know lots of those friend things are usually for social media, but i know people actually living these lives with things like movie nights, smoke sessions, just going to get food, getting picked up for random shopping trips. i don’t know why i can’t have that. i feel like something is fundamentally wrong with me that i can’t get close to people, or people can’t get close to me. what can i do? can anyone else relate? EDIT: a few people are telling me i’m gatekeeping loneliness but that’s not my intention. sorry if it comes off that way For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2135,"Title: I have to move, again… Text: Due to being involved with my abusive ex for just about 6 years, I’ve had to move 6 times in the last 2 years and now…I have to move again in less than a month. I’m on a semi paid leave from work, no savings, just found a trauma informed therapist. My court case just ended. I’ve been staying on my mothers couch, and now after 20 years - she’s moving. I cannot go with her. I had a childhood of instability, and now I’m reliving it as an adult. I feel so out of control, and ANGRY. I’ve never been able to give myself any sense of stability or anything…and here I am again with nowhere to go. My mother suggested looking into shelters, but I have a cat. My life hasn’t amounted to much, and I can’t even give myself a stable living environment. Just feeling really overwhelmed & sad right now. Sigh. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2136,"Title: Desperate: rexulti/abilify cold turkey withdraw: how long Text: I was on rexulti for a year, most times 2mg, last two months 3mg. Four weeks ago my doctor let me cold turkey it because it is not doing anything. The first week was alright, but on the second week I had bad headache. At the third week the headache was gone but I still have brain fogs and anxiety. Now it is the fifth week I am still have very bad insomnia brain fog and anxiety, especially the brain fog, which I didn't have before stop rexulti. I just wanna know how long it would last, would I be like this forever? Any experience or suggestion will be super grateful! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2137,"Title: Persecuted by family of virtue signaling gaslights. Text: LIFELONG Doomer 3-34 y.o. Finally, victory over sheltered spiteful family. We are like Galileo, not Icarus, but Galileo as he was and we are real people, knew better. We are just being persecuted for being more concerned for others than a bare tax by actual rats and inferiors to our ever narrowing choices. They rue, we rule. Witness us all. Tonight, our heavenly meal is served on Earth in their Hell. Where is THEIR God now? Guess what, you nor I nor they are God either. They're insane, I'm abnormal because the 3rd son doesn't need to be a lifelong punching bag and said no to it permanently ruining all THEIR dreams of sticking it to me when they are still children in my eyes. Where there's gas, there's fire, and most likely smoke, 90% of the time. I like my odds now. Get bent, right around me or get smacked off the road. I might be no Superman, but in defense, I'll send teeth over a building in a single bound. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2138,"Title: I want to cut so bad. It's been 3 months. Text: It's all I can think about. Had a panic attack in the dorm staircase and no one saw it. If someone sees you cut or knows that you did it, they have to call the ambulance. I really hate going to the hospital for cutting and I really miss the friend who would go with me to the emergency room but she graduated. I have a plan for suicide and I think it might be feasible. I've done the research and I think it's possible. BUT I don't wanna try just to fail because then reality would be ten times worse. Then EVERYONE would know. I still haven't cut yet but I know that as long as I don't freak out after cutting and tell someone, it could really be something I use to calm myself down regularly. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_active_ongoing" Question 2139,"Title: My bed is my safe place Text: I know this is the clearest sign of depression, but I love staying in my bed. Even when im not tired I feel tired. When I lie down and hide in the covers, I feel like I can avoid the world and the anxieties that come with it. As a result I'm so unproductive as well and hate myself for it, and thats why Im in bed now. ​ **Does anyone feel me?** For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2140,"Title: Im too much of a coward to kms but I really really want to. Text: I love my friends and some aspects of my life are really wonderful but the family pressure is just way too much for me to handle. I wish I had money so that I could move away and remove them from my life completely. They see me as this disappointing failure which is true but I just do not want to be responsible like that. I want to move away & just live my life and have minimal contact with them but I can’t. Everything that has to do with them causes me so much anxiety. I want to die so that I don’t have to deal with this. Im frustrated and sad and they make me feel like a huge burden. I would feel sad for my friends but my family would be so much better off. I cannot create the life I want. I want to move out and save money but im too depressed to keep a job. Im so stuck & I want out. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2141,"Title: concerns with starting antidepressants (sertraline) Text: I already feel quite empty inside from depression. I avoid my feelings and pretend they don’t exist which can lead me to suddenly crack when I come to terms with everything. I don’t find much joy in things and I’m worried the medication will make me feel more numb. At the same time I do have quite bad anxiety and tend to feel anxious most days so perhaps it will help me deal with my issue of avoidance. I tend to feel extremely hurt by peoples actions and take them personally. I ruminate constantly and have low confidence. I also have adhd so Im quite concerned I’m going to make things worse for myself with more medication (I take vyvanse which tends to increase my anxiety). Another concern of mine is that a lot of people have said it decreased their sex drive, I already have a very low libido so I’m worried I’ll lose it completely. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2142,"Title: racism and weird sensations about people who look like my rapist? Text: the main guy who rapes me is black and i sadly get tense when i see other dark skinned black men with similar features. even ppl with deep voices who talk like him i get startled, and lots of black ppl where i live have his accent. there’s no escape. not to mention when i get triggered i have a weird feeling down there that feels like arousal. i feel bad about this because i don’t think it’s right. as a white girl who cares about black people & doesnt want to be another racist white person. any advice for coping with this? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_ongoing Question 2143,"Title: Update about my neighbors Text: I called the police. I heard her screams, the crying, the banging and slamming. They came, knocked for a while, and the screaming and banging ceased. It has been silent since except I can hear someone doing casual activities in the kitchen instead of the loud violent sounds. They didnt answer the door for the police... so if anything I hope that this makes him leave her alone for at least the rest of today. I hate calling the cops but you guys were right, she needs to know someone is there who cares and that this behavior isnt normal. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2144,"Title: Hell Text: When i look in the the mirror im reminded of the objective hopelessness of my reality, my lack of any meaningful qualities, and my disgusting fucked up face. A temporary damnation with which ends with my end. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2145,"Title: i feel meaningless Text: i guess im just venting, but lately i feel very empty and i just want to tell someone. im 19 years old and i have only one distant friend i rarely talk to or see. i live with my mom and younger siblings and don't really have a relationship with any of them. i have a lot of pain and anger towards my mom and sister due to some past occurances so i feel very uncomfortable with the thought of having a relationship with them. i don't go out, i'm very introverted and i'm okay with being alone most of the time. but, not having anyone at all in my life that i can even rely on or talk to gets soul-crushing. the only thing keeping me sane is being distracted by school most of the time, but whenever i'm having my free time or going to sleep, i start to think about these things and it's a really heavy feeling. i feel so uneasy and like i can never just relax. i also get ridiculously anxious about every little thing ever, that i just get emotionally worn out very easily. i feel like i'm too weak to handle anything. it's not like there's anything horrible currently happening in my life, but just the loneliness and emptiness of it makes me feel like i'm floating through life aimlessly, like i have no purpose, no connections with anyone, nothing to look forward to, and nobody who really cares about my existence. i just wish i had somebody. i have anxiety and depression, my symptoms began since i was 13 and i've been seeking treatment on and off since i was 15, but as of now i am currently not being treated. the antidepressants i've tried never worked for me (or gave me horrible nightmares). i don't know how to help myself. and i don't know why i'm here, but i wish i wasn't. i'm really tired For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2146,"Title: Mr. Nutty (just venting) Text: Hey Jordan! I still love you baby. Do you miss me like i miss you? Have you already moved on? Do even love me? Yes. I’m still the insecure btch. 7 months have passed I still read your messages, look at your pictures that i salvage after i manic unfriended you and deleted all your traces in attempt to moved on. But here i am still regretting it. I promised to be better and maybe someday our path will crossed and we can be together or we both move on and have a great life. I wished I fought myself and our relationship harder. Ps I’m still going to visit UK next year -Nutty For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2147,"Title: can't tell wether that's normal or not Text: My mom knows I've self harmed before, but kind of thinks it's a one time thing and doesn't understand how addictive it is. Anyway. She saw some clearly recent scars on my thighs today and had a better reaction than she would have had before, where she would just yell and yell and ignore my plea for her to stop. But now she's kinda guilt tripping me, going on and on about how much it hurts her, how hard it is on her to deal with it, how my behaviors are hurtful to the family and not even asking about me? I don't know maybe it's a normal reaction for a parent to have, maybe I'm too self centered but it feels kinda hurtful. TLDR- My mom keeps talking about how my self harm is hurting her without asking about how i feel, and I can't tell if it's a normal thing. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2148,"Title: Pretrial hearing Text: Tomorrow is the first Pretrial hearing of my abuser, aka my soon to be my ex husband, he is being charged for second degree murder and for shooting into an occupied home. It’s a miracle I survived, the bullets entered through my nostrils . I’ve prepared myself for this, it will be the first time I see my abuser. My mom and brother will bd going with me. One bullet was removed and the other one fragmented and it remains around my right eye and. Upper right side of my skull. This happened April 2022 in Florida the morning of his 30th birthday.I will see my in-laws for the first time. I’ve cut contact with them , as they believe it was an accident and it was no accident. Ladies: if you see red flags, act on them. I didn’t because I never imagined he was capable of hurting me. Married for 5 years, together 10. I paid for everything over three years to put him through school. He was going to graduate this December. We have a beautiful home, two beautiful dogs, nice cars. He had everything!!! I am college educated, hard Worker, loved by the community , and have a big heart- Domestic violence doesn’t discriminate. I was a normal girl , who shined light in every room when I walked in. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2149,"Title: How to move on? Text: I went through an extremely rough patch, I am at rock bottom now, living in a country where I am considered a second class citizen under what is basically legal slavery. I don’t know how to move on from my failed attempt to move out and it is making me very suicidal. Any advice would be really appreciated thank you guys For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2150,"Title: Wish I'd die in my sleep tonight. Text: Im just such a fucking pussy. I wish I could jump from a building or throw myself in front of a train, but I'm just so afraid that I somehow survive that and then be a fucking suicidal peace of shit who can't even try suicide again because I'm physically unable to. If only there was a quick way that'd be 100% sure to kill you. I'd happily take any poison if it meant I wouldn't wake up tomorrow. If anyone knows where I can get my hands on something like that, please let me know. Until then, I can only pray or just get over myself and for once not be a fucking coward. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2151,"Title: Help me please Text: Chelseay my beautiful girlfriend. You are so perfect , and I loved our relationship. Glad we promised forever with each other . It’s heartbreaking how you took your life like that. It’s been almost 3 months now. If only you people knew how much I loved this girl. She was my everything, she still is my everything. She may be dead in her humanly form, but I know her spirit will live on, and I pray to god that I get to see you again, I miss you sooo bad For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2152,"Title: Am I overreacting? Text: About 2 years ago I was working at a girl scout cookie booth when a man came up to us and started asking us weird questions. He was around 60 and kept asking if it hurt when we fell from heaven bc we were so beautiful and that we were really sweet young women. He persisted to chat with us and continuously brought up our beauty. both me and my troop mate were minors at the time and when we asked if he could leave he resisted. Our leaders had to get involved so that he would leave. My troop just brushed it off and continued with our day but it made me very uncomfortable. I never reported it to girl scouts and have barely told anyone about because I keep thinking that I am just overreacting and that is was nothing. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 2153,"Title: I’m tired of being stigmatized Text: If me cutting myself is so horrible, then I better not ever see you drinking, smoking, vaping, etc. That shit is self harm too. You do those things to cope with emotions and you hurt your organs. I cut myself to cope with my emotions and I end up with ugly scars. 99% of the time the long term effects of cutting are nothing compared to the long term effects and drinking, smoking, and vaping. So why are these things acceptable to society and my self harm is not? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2154,"Title: i really hate my sibling sometimes Text: they just push every button every time. before blaming their mental health. and then i feel like a terrible sister for not accepting that. idek what to do about them anymore. sometimes i wish they weren't my fucking sibling For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2155,"Title: im really sensitive to sad and unfair situations and everyones ability to turn a blind eye to them makes me want to die Text: people are just suffering unnecessarily daily and nobody cares until its them and they want to use you in some way. this has me stuck in a weird dichotomy of caring deeply for people and hating and not caring for anyone at the same time. if life is this unfair then what is the point of being here. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2156,"Title: I regret telling my husband I started cutting again Text: I wanna cut so bad right now it’s unreal. I thought things were getting better because I didn’t have any urges yesterday. The first time in a week or so of daily cutting. He took my blades and he knows what my arm looks like. If I cut anymore he will know. He had me go to the ER today because I hit beans 3/4 days ago and now it looked infected. I didn’t do anything but slap some gauze on it. I hit a vein 2 days ago and didn’t do anything about that either. He said he will be embarrassed to go out with me when they scar over. Idk what to do. I wasn’t suicidal but now I just feel like him and my kids deserve a better wife/mom. Wish that the vein would have killed me. Idk what I’m trying to get out of this. Maybe to hear some comments from other people who SH and are adults/parents. I’m 27. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 2157,"Title: I think I'm going to pass out. I'm wasted and really depressed. Text: I wish I could die For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2158,"Title: Therapy app Text: What’s the best therapy app? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2159,"Title: why is it always me Text: i made a post about a situation not long ago. its been a month and i was sexually assaulted again. at work someone i dont usually see in work purposely moved so i would bump into him when trying to get between a tight place. thought nothing of it until it happened again then he cornered me and started asking random ass fucking questions and when i pushed past him he groped me and i had to leave early. i told the deputy manageress but she hasn't gotten back to me. i feel sick. im not even sexually attractive but this shit has happened TWICE now. and wouldn't you guess on the way out this random ass dude in a scaffolding site with a joint made suggestive motions to me when i looked at him. why is this suddenly so fucking common like i said im not some fit girl in skimpy clothes im some androgynous twat who collects charity shop jewelery. i feel miserable, schools starting again soon, i cant even bring myself to shower most days because im so paranoid of everything around me i hate this so much i dont want to talk about the previous situation anymore and it makes me sick but why does it have to be me why are they so close together i hate it For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 2160,"Title: no friends Text: okay i have one best friend. she’s my platonic soulmate and i’m also very good friends with my ex but we live hours away from eachother. i started college and i only have her. i’ve tried to get along with her friends but one of them was the girl another ex cheated on me with (and she knew about me) so i can’t be friends with her. my best friends other friends give me really cold and judgy looks so i really have no one but her. i’m so lonely For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2161,"Title: my dog just died two days ago Text: My dog died a couple of days ago and I didn't know where to talk about it. I was the one who took care of the dog for the most part. And it's been hard aside from me crying alot the first day. Every time I go into my room I get the feeling that she's on my bed and that she's going to pop up and need to go outside or be wanting food. When I go up stairs I feel like she's going to be right behind me . Waging her tail or when I'm doing the dishes and look behind me I get the gut feeling that shes just chilling on the floor. When I was going to sleep I thought she was going to hop up and want under the blankets and cuddle up with me. And it's like oh shit she's dead.i wish she wasn't they said that we will get her ashes in a week at least my mom will have bit of company. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2162,"Title: Tattoos about over coming rape? Text: I was thinking maybe a phoenix, like emerging out of the ashes? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2163,"Title: f21 Would requesting a kiss in the context where the girl was clearly disinterested multiple times (but had difficulty telling him no out of fear for her safety so another person had to intervene in order to tell him to stop...yet he continued to ask for a kiss) constitute as sexual harassment? Text: I know it would clearly be sexual harassment if this happened in a workplace; however, this happened in the context that both were students in a school environment where neither parties chose to be housemates - also, our house has a no tolerance sexual harassment policy. And, nothing like this happened before, so this would actually set the standard if this would constitute as sexual harassment...please help! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2164,"Title: I'm going to wear short sleeves to school tomorrow Text: You know what? I'm tired of hiding these things. I'm ready to swim again, I'm ready to land a job that requires uniforms, and, most of all, I'm ready to stop dying in my sweaters. I'm thinking that wearing short sleeves to school will be my first step to comfort. Wish me luck, I have no idea how my friends will react. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 2165,"Title: I told my friend about my self harm and she was really helpful, she talked to me about what might trigger it and we’re trying ways to replace it with a healthier behavior Text: First we are trying drawing on my arm, because I told her I like the marks, and since mild pressure hurts the bruise i think maybe it’ll stop me from hitting? I hope anyway... She said it would probably be a lot of trial and error but I have always liked drawing on my arm I do it all the time anyway... and plus it will help cover up this bruise, it’s huge and it won’t completely cover it up unless I color my whole arm one color (i won’t be doing that) but it’ll make it a little harder to notice. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2166,"Title: I'm just tired of this. Text: I wish it didn't have to end like this, but it does. They've all left me. Anyone whom wishes to know more can comment here, I don't care anymore. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2167,"Title: Literally can’t afford to be alive Text: I made the decision to end it all because I’m 33, I earn on average £200 per month. I don’t have a house, a bed, a sofa, anything to even feel comfort on. I’m sick, hungry, cold, lonely, depressed. I work SO hard but earn so little. Today I thought, before I start getting everything together to end everything let’s double check there’s no other job I could do. I’m disabled so have very limited job options. I found a posting saying I could earn £100 doing surveys etc. I spent my day doing that, signing up for free trials etc… they won’t pay me what I earned because some of what I did didn’t register properly. So much of my time wasted, I broke down crying. £100 would have meant the world to me right now. I can’t remember all the free trials I joined so even if I stayed alive I’d get random charges in a month from things I don’t even want/use. I feel so pathetic and useless and I can’t stop crying, this is my only option. I really tried to find a way to stay alive but there literally isn’t one for me. My options are: 1. struggle, get sick and die slowly 2. die For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2168,"Title: I don't know what I do wrong when I talk to people. Text: As the title says, I don't know what I do when I talk to people, but I keep getting shunned by everybody. I joined a discord server from a group on here that share my hobby and they have started to completely ignore me or be rude. Most of my friends have stopped talking to me, and I'm not making any new friends to make up for it. I honestly don't know what I say. It's gotten to the point that I don't say anything to strangers anywhere unless I'm talked to first, and then I just say whatever I think they want to hear. Let me be clear, I stopped talking to people after all my friends quit talking to me, not the other way around. I'm just so lonely and sad, ALL. THE. TIME. I don't know what to do. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2169,"Title: If I die, I die. no family or anything to care. just do it. Text: I lost my mom a few months ago and I feel like I annoy everyone with it. My dad died over 20 years ago and I'm pretty much alone in the United States. I regularly tell my psych patients that life is worth living when I fantasize about dying every day. Pretty sure my coworkers hate me and my friends just pretend to care. I'd call my mom for everything. I don't have my ""rock"" anymore. I have no partner, family, anything. My last shift I hid in my bunk room and cried for 5 hours straight. I hate coming home to nothing. I hate going to work to see the worst of people. I avoid holidays because of the reminder that I have no one now. I want it all to stop For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2170,"Title: Losing interest Text: People seem to always lose interest in my friendship after a while, can't really tell why but I only have one true friend who kept with me since 1st primary year. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2171,"Title: First time Text: I was 9, and I remember that I responded to my father a certain way, he yelled at me that I was a “little bitch” I ran to my room and started slamming my head into my wall. But then from the other room, I heard my dad ask my older brother what I was doing. He replied “she’s hitting her head on the wall” and they both started laughing and mocking me. The mocking made it so much worse. It made me go even further. I remember having a scabby bump on my forehead afterwards. Anyone else start this early? I can’t imagine treating anyone that way in that situation I get mad thinking about it For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 2172,"Title: I got out of a DV relationship over three years ago and am so much better but I keep replaying all the things in my head Text: Short story- I was in a relationship with someone who started out with only a few red flags that I ignored but eventually grew into frequently stealing from me, gas lighting, constantly putting me down, controlling me and my finances and eventually some physical abuse. I’m a man and generally speaking successful and happy so I ignored all of it. Really it comes down to how when I was a kid I was a victim to some much worse DV that I won’t get into but it taught me to be a pleaser and to go into denial and even defense of my abuser. I left three years ago and now I’m doing so much better and am married to the perfect person but I keep thinking about my past relationship. I keep replaying specific incidents in my head. I do it every day multiple times a day. Sometimes I think about what I should have done differently, or replay it just so I know it was real and that I’m not making it up. I have moved on in my life but not in my mind. I’d like to stop thinking about it. Does anyone else experience something like this? What have you done to stop it? Edit- I’ve never seen a therapist and i presume that’s the general advice but I don’t know if I want to. Also, one change I’ve made is that when I have these thoughts I try to catch myself and instead of dwelling on them think “I’m so glad that x isn’t happening to me and now I have y in my life.” For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","domesticviolence_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 2173,"Title: What if Text: I wasn't assaulted but I was harassed by the same guy for quite a while. It started off more subtle and gradually got worse until he did attempt to assault me. He didn't get that far because I was able to put a stop to it but it still scares me. I passed the place where it happened the other day and just felt tears in my eyes. Sometimes I tell myself it wasn't a big deal because he didn't even get that far but lately i find myself thinking about what would've happened if I wasn't able to stop it. I can't seem to get it out of my head. I still remember the shame I felt buttoning my jeans back after it had happened and how bad it felt when I got home. And I sometimes can feel it happening all over again. The weight of his hand, how he was trying not to be noticed by everyone else, how slow he was going, the terror I felt once my jeans were unbuttoned. Sometimes I just get stuck in that and can feel it going farther. I just can't get it out of my mind because i know what his intentions are when he was doing it and his intentions were assault. He would've done it if I hadn't gotten my friends hand in the way. He went home upset afterwards because he couldn't have his way with me. There would also be times where he would pull me on his lap and wouldn't let me go even if I tried to get up. Or he would do the same to me in the pool. That's when I realized just how strong he was and just how helpless I was. I would have to pry his hands open and that didn't even work most of the time. Sometimes I can feel his grip around me. All this just really terrifies me.  For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 2174,"Title: Frustrated and tired Text: Why does the legal system put all of the effort on me to protect myself and my kids. It’s not right and I am not okay. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2175,"Title: Feeling low Text: It’s been a bad depression after weeks. I’ve realized I didn’t get over my depression my loneliness to be with someone, an ex. But that is over. Then I fell madly in love with someone I can’t have. I have fantasies about her and whenever the depression and loneliness she’s all I have. And I’m so delusional that when I look at her that she loves me too. She doesn’t. I’m just a crazy fan who will never have her. It gets so bad that even at work I think of committing suicide. On my way home I was crying I just really think this is the end and I wish there’s a way. My father died so young at my age, I don’t even know how to deal with this shit. It’s just love but it’s fucking killing me inside. Damn love. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2176,"Title: Anyone else triggered by prison abolitionist content? Text: Basically just the title. I’m a young person on a very liberal college campus, and the new rage is prison abolition. People are constantly posting about how “no human is truly bad” and “we are all capable of harm and good” and “everyone deserves the opportunity for growth.” And yes they do mean everyone and very explicitly rapists because they aren’t rapists according to them, they are people who “caused harm.” Look, anyone is allowed to hold the prison abolitionist viewpoint, but they’ve tied it to racial justice (which I think is dishonest and manipulative. The “justice system” obviously has very racist outcomes and must be heavily reformed, but tying racial justice to the idea that no human being is disposable is just straight up manipulative), so now there’s a whole lot of pressure to conform to it. I wish they would at least put tws but they get all mean and angry if I ask, because I’m apparently not allowed to feel this way. I really don’t understand how it’s the same people who go overboard and put a rape tw for just a mention of the word rape. It defeats the purpose. Yet they can’t understand how some survivors would be triggered by the idea that no action is evil enough to warrant someone having their happiness or freedom being taken away and labeled as “bad”. Does anyone feel similarly? I feel very alone For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2177,"Title: i want to end it Text: I almost hung myself yesterday and i think it's the perfect moment for me to do so. I'm a terrible human who doesn't even want to write a proper note to her parents. I never deserved to live a decent life. Hope i suffer in hell For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2178,"Title: killing myself in a few hours Text: I said this earlier but I slept through the whole day so lolol tired of being stuck in a loop forever let’s just hope my mum lets me out alone ☠️ For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2179,"Title: my partner took the condom off Text: I recently opened myself up to an sexual encounter and of course it was bad. We got to know eachother on a dating site, talked, dated and got to know eachother. The question came up if protected sex is important and of course I said it's a definite yes, protected sex all the way. He started out good, condom on and the session was great. Then he left to chew some tobacco and came back, I checked visually for the condom and I thought I saw it. But I was wrong. We where about finishing and I thought he was acting weird, he grabbed me by my shoulders and pushed in, I could feel him coming but I didn't think anything of it since he had a condom, or so I thought. Later in the shower I could feel his cum running out of me and I realized he came inside me. I feel so disappointed in men once again. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_ongoing Question 2180,"Title: Do you need to tell your story? Text: Hey guys, I'm filming a documentary about workplace equality and justice for victims of sexual harassment. I will be attempting to get testimonies from employers and employees as well as interviewing lawyers and hopefully even legislators. We can't make a difference without coming forward. If you have worked for a company where you suspected a hostile work environment, lower pay for women, or any other form of sexism, I would love to hear from you. If you have experienced any behaviors that made you feel uncomfortable, I want to hear from you. I will try to tell as many stories as possible. If we do an interview, it may be anonymous if you wish. Please message me. All proceeds will go to RAINN. Thank you and take care! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2181,"Title: It happened three weeks ago and I struggle to call it rape Text: Three weeks ago I was raped. It started out as consensual sex but it got to be too much for me. He choked me without permission which I was ok with but I felt unnerved he didn’t ask first. I began to feel very overwhelmed and my vagina was sorta numb from so much stimulation. I needed to stop. So I told the man to stop twice but he kept on going for a minute even though I know he heard me. I sort of froze up during that time. I knew I was in trouble and I was right about that. After that minute was over I told him I needed a break and he still kept going. It took another time of me telling him I needed to quit for him to finally actually quit. I know it was rape but still struggle to call it that. He ended up violently sexually assaulting me later that night, but I struggle with this part. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2182,"Title: Do you ever have a girl smile at you and you picture your entire lives together but then realize a smile means nothing and everything you just imagined is a complete fantasy you’ll never get to experience? Text: Or is it just me For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2183,"Title: I hate being around people Text: It reminds me how fucking useless and worthless I am. None of them would ever give me the time of day. All the things they talk about make me feel like a fucking insect because I can’t relate at all. Like having people. People who care about you and want to be near you. Who want to know things about you and do things around you. What an alien thought. Literally don’t get what that might feel like. I guess I just get to watch. Fuck this. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2184,"Title: another subreddit? Text: does anyone know another subreddit or honestly just any space where i can actually vent abt feelings (abt sh) honestly? or somewhere that i can talk about things seriously, but lightheartedly so i don't have to be careful about my words? r/MadeOfStyrofoam is all memes and i still want to be serious abt it, just not so heavy. i can't talk honestly about my own sh here because i have to be careful my phrasing doesn't make it come across as glorifying, i don't want to glorify it or romanticise it at all and i would never want anyone else to think/do like i do, but i'm not very articulate and i'm always worried that what i write will seem that way :( For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2185,"Title: Matured or Depression? Text: I'm 26, and married with no kids ATM, working as a Software Engineer. A couple of years ago, I had big passion for tech stuff, new phones, new computers, I always followed the latest news, I learned programming, and worked on a lot of hobby projects, and I really enjoyed my time programming and tinkering! Nowadays, I am working remotely as a Software Engineer, and it's not that I hate programming or anything like that, it's just my passion for it, has died (I think). I am not following the latest tech news, I am not purchasing the latest tech stuff, I am even downgrading to old phones and notice people complaining and my experience with those devices seem to be just fine! I don't tinker much if at all nowadays with tech related stuff. I don't really have any other hobbies, after work, I just want to wind down, watch a movie, spend time with my family (spouse, relatives, friends, parents) and just talk. I also used to have an entrepreneur mind! Always thinking of new business ideas, trying to *'improve'* the community! Make the world a better place. But now, no. I did lots of tasks for people I know free-bono when I was young, I just want to earn cash right now. However, this also makes me feel like I am depressed, is losing interest on this scale a common occurence? Should I be worried? **EDIT:** Some more context to follow ... Lately I met up with a friend that's 4-5 years younger than me, and he was like why don't you do this and that! I was more like why should I do it? What would I gain?! He was like, it's good for your future blabla it's a big company blabla, I was like nah, I don't give a sh\*\*, even if it means I will gain a shit ton of money, but the effort is just not worth it. And he was like, you don't want to get our of your comfort zone. Which made me think, am I thinking too much about stuff? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2186,"Title: [TW: references to SH] Does anyone else self harm to help with panic attacks/anxiety disorder Text: I’ve self harmed on and off since I was 13 now I’m 25. Sometimes I feel like I’m zoning out/dissociating and the pain brings me back to reality. Or if I’m having a panic attack pain distracts me from how awful the attack feels or the symptoms that come with it. SSRIs didn’t help. Benzos were too addictive. Therapy was a total fail. Anyone else deal with this? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2187,"Title: I really think today is going to be my last Text: I think I have reached my final straw. It's taken me over 10 years of struggling through my life with depression and I think today it will claim another life. I'm so exhausted and everywhere I turn for help, I get turned away. I gave myself until yesterday and I made it and had such an amazing time that I really thought I was going to get through. But something has happened today that has shook me and the people I love the most won't have me and just tell me to stop being a dramatic, sensitive idiot. If only it were that simple. I don't know how yet, I just know I can't go another day with this pain. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2188,"Title: im done bye Text: I literally have no/bad friends, bad grades, looks ugly, and a bad relationship with my family. I hate high school so much I can't do this anymore. idk how im gonna do it, but i'm gonna figure out how. I developed an eating disorder recently. Its getting worse and worse and worse. i don't want to hurt myself anymore. I just can't take this anymore. bye For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2189,"Title: I was a harasser. Text: I'm a male and I'm from California. When I was in 8th grade , I had friends whom I always talk to about my classmates who were sexy and had big bo**s. This continued until I was in 10th grade (I was around 15 or 16) and I also saved pictures of different women (some of them were my classmates and others were just random women I saw in social media and only I knew this *no nude photos of them btw since I did not went that far*) on my phone. When I was 17 years old, I was exposed to the women whose pictures were saved by me and all of them went to social media to share what I've done to them. I sent my apology to each one of them and also publicly acknowledged my act on social media and also sent my public apology there. I felt disgusted on what I did and I know I'm accountable for what I've done. I never committed such sexual act again and also cut some ties with some of my friends who were also into what I was doing back then. 2 years already passed and I still feel disgusted because of what I did. I always go back to their posts to look back on what I've done. I don't know if me changing to a better person is considered being accountable. Can you give advices on what I can do? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2190,"Title: probably a silly question but i’m panicking Text: so when I cut deep, it’s almost exclusively on my arms, I have cut my thighs before but this is the first time hitting beans on my thigh and I’m just worried about how it will be when I stand up? I don’t know it sounds stupid but the gape is concerning and I’m worried that since it’ll be covered up all day I won’t realise if something bad happens like it just feels like there’s no structural integrity to it. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2191,"Title: Does anyone else get acne(?) in the area of cuts? Text: I cut on my thighs a lot and I noticed these small bumps around the cuts that I can only assume is acne (they look like white heads). I remember getting these on my arms back when I cut there too. It’s just weird cuz I never get acne on thighs/arms unless I cut there For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2192,"Title: any other sex-repulsed survivors out there? Text: Repulsed by sex and by my body parts. I was raped 15 years ago but still feel disgusted and trapped in this never ending cycle For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2193,"Title: My rapist died and I couldn't be happier Text: A couple of months ago, I found out my dad--the man who raped me repeatedly between the ages of 12 and 16--had terminal cancer. He wanted to talk to me, but I didn't reach out. As far as I was concerned, there was nothing left to talk about. I found out earlier today that he died yesterday. This brings me joy. I'm not really at peace with what he did to me and I probably never will be, but at least now I don't have to worry about him showing up at my door out of the blue one day or something like that. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 2194,"Title: I think about committing suicide, but wouldn't actually do it. Text: I'm currently going through a break up, which happened 2 days ago and that's made me realize how my girlfriend was basically the only thing that made happy. She loved and cared for me so much, but she felt like she wasn't getting that back from me and I feel horrible for that. She's removed me from all her social media. But just the thought of not being able to see and talk to her made me realize that she was what gave my life meaning. Now I just feel empty and I don't know what to do. Even before the breakup, I was depressed and I did occasionally think of suicide, but I feel like it's only going to get worse from here. Like I said I have thought of suicide, but I don't think I'd have the guts or actually want to do it when it comes down to it. I just don't know what to do, I really feel like she was the only one for me. I also have too much social anxiety to even meet and talk to someone new and I don't want to replace her. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2195,"Title: I don’t know Text: I have friends but I don’t like talking, I feel like I have to contribute to conversations, and talking is just to hard, I can’t think of anything feels like my brains shuts off. I want to die I’m Jewish random fact For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2196,"Title: I just turned 19 a few days ago and I just want to stop existing. Text: I’m tired. I am not sad/ depressed/ angry or anything. Just tired. Yesterday had such a deep sleep. I felt like I was gone. Was disappointed that I had to wake up and go to uni. Just let this existing end please. I am tired. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2197,"Title: I’m sitting in the bathroom at work trying not to cry Text: Depression is a fucking bitch. EDIT: holy shit you guys are the most supportive bunch. I’ve been reading through every comment feeling more supported by each one. It breaks my heart that you’ve all experienced that same heavy pain that depression brings, but knowing I have people out there who truly get it makes me feel a little less alone. I fucking love you all, thanks for taking time to reach out. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2198,"Title: Why do survivors still want to contact abusers? Text: I'm interested in your personal take/experience, things you've read/heard, psychosocial theories. Any insight. I just can't wrap my head around why after 2 years I still reach out every few months. I never see him nor do I ever want to. The thought actually terrifies me, but for some reason I keep contacting him. He never initiates contact, but he will always respond. I block him then unblock him. I asked him to block me and he won't. I feel like I'm insane. So many of DV victims deal with stalking or abusers who just pop up and I'm over here acting like this. I'm honestly disgusted with myself. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2199,"Title: being controlled by a sociopath Text: when you first come face-to-face with a sociopath, you will be completely oblivious to who they truly are. they will be whoever they think you want them to be. they are fake. maybe it took him a while to show you his TRUE colors, maybe it was pretty close to the beginning. but the most important time was when you connected at the start. it was great, it was perfect. they were who you thought you wanted. the way he portrayed himself at the beginning is who you chose to see, it is the reason you stayed through hell. it is the reason it took so long to see him for who he is. but how did you not see it? I have an answer for you. it is because he made you a part of his game. see, sociopaths will do anything and everything to manipulate others to make themselves happy. to feel liked, loved. mostly, they feed off of other people. they have no true self-happiness. they will use anyone that shows any slight interest, and this does not count out family members. manipulating any privileges and any help that is handed to them. the thing is, you can’t help them. you can’t do anything for them, because they will immediate latch on & use you. they will see that someone else is willing to do all the work for them. once you try to lead the way, you’ll never stop because they will never take over for you. they will watch you do more & more for them until you are living your life completely for them. once you live for them, you become just like them. you will be completely controlled by them, not feeling comfortable being yourself. they beat you down for what you love, what you like & what you want out of life. your dreams & who you are, will fade out. I lost all of myself, because of someone else. I started living my life for them. I didn’t even realize it until we were together for 4 1/2 years. once I saw the light, saw that I didn’t even know myself anymore, I shut everything down. now, maybe it doesn’t seem like all sociopaths are this way. but they are if you let them. have the strength to say no. have the strength to be YOU. have the strength to realize that you can control yourself & nobody else has that power! you are so brave. whether you’re losing yourself, lost yourself, lost yourself & are finding yourself, or if you’ve found yourself again! there is so much hope, because you are beautiful. self love is what will help you find your happiness. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2200,"Title: No direction in life. Text: \- Lost my mom last year, who was my best friend \- Now only left with my dad, who is gradually losing his mental balance and its taking a toll on my personal and professional life. \- Every thing in life feels so worthless. \- I find getting over 'it' to be the last and easiest resort right now. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2201,"Title: My abuser posted about ""growth"" after ""apologising"" to me. Text: This is a sort of update from my previous post. She's an 'influencer' of sorts so she does a lot of 'activism' online. After gaslighting me in my previous contact with her, she took to her social media to ambiguously just say she ""hurt"" someone in her past. She goes on to say she doesn't remember any of it, then starts writing some bullshit about ""accepting her past"" and ""growing and changing"". I'm just shocked that she took my trauma and turned it into something to profit from. Of course she conveniently doesnt mention that the ""hurt"" she caused was from fucking sexual assault, because she would probably lose her entire base and her pity position. I'm just going to post it here because fuck it. No identifying info, obviously. [Virtue signalling post ](https://i.imgur.com/TS4eAYc.jpg) This was it for me. I've just sorted out my therapy sessions, I'll be going to specifically focus on this trauma. I'm sick and tired of being a victim. I'll come back and link my previous post too. [Previous post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/rape/comments/pq36o6/am_i_an_asshole_for_cutting_my_abuser_off_with_no/) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2202,"Title: Does abuse due to depression ever end? Text: My husband is in deep depression and gets verbally abusive every now and then and then goes back to his loving self until there’s another trigger. He knows he’s doing that and we’re trying to find and address the triggers along with therapy. But I have been told by his therapist that there is no solution for someone’s underlying behaviour depressed or not For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 2203,"Title: I just want attention Text: I need attention so badly I just want some positive attention. I dated this girl I thought was ugly and annoying just for the validation she gave me. Sometimes I post good pictures of myself and ask if I’m ugly just to get people calling me attractive and when creepy adults message me I love it because I just want some positive attention. I wish someone would obsess over me For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2204,"Title: How to release anger without punching myself? Text: I've been punching myself for a few years now as a vent for my unresolved suppressed anger issues. I used to have a therapist but my mother insisted it was my fault for having anger issues and would yell at me whenever I showed any negative emotion (she still does it daily). So therapy lead to nothing and my parents are delaying getting me a new therapist. I can't release my anger in any healthy ways, because it's extremely impulsive and I can't stop myself from lashing out in the heat of the moment, so I resort to punching myself whenever my parents aren't in the room. I can't punch my bed or walls or floor or furniture because it will be too loud and it will hurt my hands. I honestly don't know what to do anymore because while I'm building up a tolerance to bruises, I want to get rid of all my anger in one go instead of just punching myself for brief relief. Can someone help guide me into fixing my anger issues? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2205,"Title: Loneliness post-college Text: I graduated about a year ago(May 2021), since then I started my online Master's program. I made a small group of friends at college but lost a lot of time and bonding with them due to the pandemic turning everything virtual. After, I regularly talked to 3 of them via text and video chat. For a while, I was okay with that, mostly because of how far we all were from one another. I've started to notice how my friends and I were at different points in life, which I knew was going to happen, but I'm not quite sure how to 'catch up'. One is moved to another state, living with their significant other of a year. Another just started a serious relationship and is already talking about moving out, asking me if I'm ready to move in with them and such, dropping hints that they want to do this soon. A third has been working a steady, WFH job for the past 3 years. I just feel like I'm miles behind everyone. I'm still at home and don't really see a way where I can move out within the next year or two, due to all of my money going toward school. I am not in any sort of relationship. I haven't been having any luck in jobs lately, working crappy job after crappy job since graduating. This isn't my first being lonely, as most of my elementary and middle school years were also lonely. I just thought that maybe I was done with that, but now I see that I'm starting to go back to old habits. I'm an introvert, and a huge homebody(something that was only worsened by the COVID pandemic). I guess that I was looking to vent and possibly get some advice on this transition in life(besides go out more----planning on doing some more of that soon). For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2206,"Title: I just need to tell someone. May be triggering. Graphic. Text: During a self destructive phase of my life, I was dating a really sadistic guy. On the second time we met, instead of going to his apartment, he told me we were going on a little road trip. I didn’t really feel comfortable with this but at the time I didn’t know how to say no. So I got in his car, and we drove about 45 minutes to a nearby town. We pulled into the parking lot of an adult movie theater. I was really scared to go in, but he hit me in the face and told me I didn’t have a choice. Later, I would always replay that moment in my head; He was stronger, but I probably could have outrun him to a nearby gas station and asked for help. I didn’t choose to do that, so I guess it was my fault what happened next. We went inside the theater and sat down. I was the only female there. To my surprise, all of those guys were on me at once. They took me to a little backroom. They made me take off all my clothes. I don’t 100% remember what happened, but I’m sure at least two guys fucked me. I was afraid to say no cause he could hit really hard. I’m pretty sure they all had a chance to at least touch me in some way. We went to the bathroom afterwards, he hit me some more, and made me suck his cock. I replay that day in my head often. I did meet with that guy again multiple times afterwards because I was afraid, and he was always abusive. I thought he was going to get nicer but he never did, and he raped me multiple times. Edited to add: thanks everyone for the support, but I feel like I left out an important detail. I was cheating on my partner at the time. So I actually did deserve everything bad that happened to me, and then some. Your sympathy is misplaced because I did deserve it and it was obviously my fault for choosing to do all that. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","domesticviolence_past, rape_past" Question 2207,"Title: My time has come! Goodbye! Text: I think I'm gonna end it all today. I'm so done with life and can't take it anymore. No matter what progress I make I always go back to square one. I'm not even sure why I'm posting this here. Hoping someone can talk me out of this or maybe I'm trying to get attention. I ready don't know. FML For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2208,"Title: Is this considered sexual harassment? Text: I am a very happily out lesbian but I don’t flaunt it or make it my whole personality, but people around me do know. So I started a new job recently and I’m still meeting some coworkers and everyone has been fine with my sexuality and mentions of my girlfriend. Enter in a new guy I just met yesterday, I’ll call him S. S found out I was gay and started asking questions (which I don’t mind answering as long as they are respectful, because people are just curious sometimes). S asked me if I ever had sexual relations with men and I said no because I never had an attraction to men in that way so it didn’t make sense to me. Most people would accept this answer but he didn’t seem to. He kept asking how I knew I was gay if I never slept with a man and I gave the same response. I started getting uncomfortable and finally said “the same way you know you’re not gay”. S proceeded to storm out and say “How are you supposed to have babies then?!” I then felt extremely uncomfortable and sick after that, trying to avoid him for the rest of the shift. He kept walking close to me and walking up behind me in our small work space. I felt extremely uncomfortable and unsafe afterwards. Am I in the wrong for feeling this way? What should I do if this happens again? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 2209,"Title: Life in a household where everyone knows you self-harm part one: Text: ""Don't worry, it's not a suicide note, it's just a note explaining the drain situation with our shower!"" For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2210,"Title: I never want to be hurt again Text: I can’t wait to be with a man that never puts his hands on me. I can’t want to be truly loved by someone. Short story: My ex choked me, locked me in my room for hours, left bruises all over me and told people I attacked him. I got back together with him and he left me a few weeks ago. It broke my heart For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2211,"Title: please help im about to kms soon Text: i feel so alone like everyone hates me i don’t have anyone to talk to idk what to do i feel so stuck For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2212,"Title: I now truly understand why ppl say healing is cyclical Text: I don't want to forget their face. I've been trying to heal from the physical and emotional violence I suffered from my partner earlier this year i'm f(24) and they're f(26). When I think of them my back swells and tenses up because my body remembers the blows I took. But this morning I woke up not exactly thinking about them but my mind drifted there and I remembered some good times but couldn't really place their face even though I had been retriggered from seeing them recently. So I looked up some old photos. I know I shouldn't have done this because they don't even deserve a space in my memory, but they're etched in and I don't know how to really move on. Sometimes I forget they exist and other times I remember how they were my world even if they tried to end mine. Any healing advice for moving on or working through memories? I'm in therapy, but it's not often enough For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2213,"Title: is this self-harm? Text: I kind of think it is, but I'm not sure, and I don't want to presume anything. I'll often, at the end of the day or when I'm stressed or something, sit down and pick at my toenails. Usually with my hands or pliers. It often turns into tearing off skin or the whole toenail, and i often bleed because of it. Nobody knows, I never take off my socks, but my feet are not pretty and I'm self-conscious about them I used to do the same thing with my fingernails but people kept pointing it out so I stopped. I tried stopping with my feet too, but I can't really go more than a few days without. And you know, it hurts, but the release and feelings I get from it usually seem worth it, even if my feet hurt for the next few days I've never seen another mention of this anywhere else. I have nobody to talk to about this, so here I am, reddit. I'm sorry if I'm breaking any rules or anything. I hope everyone is good. This community seems wonderful. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2214,"Title: If my rape was a person, it could legally get a tattoo or join the military without parental consent today...My rape is 18 today and would be old enough to make life changing decisions. Today I still hate you for changing my life in ways society says I should be embarrassed by. Text: I need to you know that you have affected my life in so many ways, but I am not a victim. I am a survivor. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2215,"Title: therapist asked me to move my blades Text: i told my therapist that i relapsed during our last session. the words felt kind of awkward coming out of my mouth, because i hadn't spoken about it to her or my ex for months. she asked me, because it was just one time, if there were any small steps i could take to be preventative. i said i would be okay with that, even though i don't have any intrinsic motivation to stay clean. she asked where i kept my blades and i told her that i kept them by my bed. while she was talking, i kept looking over my shoulder at where they were (my sessions are virtual), like i was protecting them from her. she suggested that i move them away from my bed so they're less accessible. i like my therapist but in that moment, i felt threatened. i'm normally very open in therapy but i literally looked her in the eyes and said ""no"". something about having the blades near makes me feel comforted. i thought that i was doing better and that i was less dependent on self-harm, but i guess not. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2216,"Title: Just confirmed my rapist got me pregnant Text: I was raped by a former friend a few weeks ago and although I did take a plan b apparently I took it too late. I'm learning now I'm not as pro choice as I thought and am really struggling with the idea of ending the pregnancy. I don't want this baby and I don't want end it either. I just want to be pregnant from a man I love that had sex with me because we both wanted to For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2217,"Title: Was I sexually harassed? Text: This guy in my school, commonly makes sexual remarks about me, and very much purposely makes me uncomfortable. (Im in 7th grade before I continue). He tends to tell me when he has b0n3rs (super weird), he tends to make sexual jokes about me when I currently identify with asexual and i repeatedly tell him to stop, and he also just for more context assaulted many people (mainly gay guys , he’s bi) and since I’m currently identifying under the trans umbrella (ftm agender) I think he sees it as a little win-win situation. Anyways I just need help, it’s been affecting me a lot recently. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 2218,"Title: A special thanks to stoned me for misplacing my razors so sober me could keep his clean streak. Text: I've seriously looked everywhere. Hell, maybe I tossed em. I'm almost 2 years clean so I'm actually very happy this happened. Just thought it was funny. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 2219,"Title: I hate seeing how popular Omegle has become again. This is the first time I’m looking back at this situation and seeing it as rape instead of a bad decision on my part. Text: Honestly hate seeing Omegle become “popular” again like when I was 14ish I went on there and met a guy who said he was like 19 (but he was def in is mid twenties at least who knows) I told him my age and he still said he wanted to hook up and my stupid ass self gave him my address not thinking he’d actly come I mean he was a complete stranger? From who even knows where? But he showed up at my house and I was scared but I was also like well nothing I can do now so he had sex with me I honestly just layed there the entire time not rlly knowing what I was sposed to be doing and then he left and I never heard from him again so yah fuck Omegle and fuck you Justin(if that was rlly even yr name?) I swear so much of gen z got groomed off that site For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 2220,"Title: Decided to stop texting people first 2+ years ago, I haven’t heard from anyone since Text: Shit just hurts man, the realization that everyone has forgotten about you and that no one even makes the effort to check up on you anymore, really makes you realize your place in life :( For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2221,"Title: i’ve decided Text: decided tonight is the night it’s all over. i hope no one misses me. i’m just so lonely. i hardly ever ask for help, and i finally asked my friend to talk today and the response was “i can’t, i’m busy with exams. is it urgent?” i ignored it. it was a slap in the face that shows me where everyone’s priorities lay. i hope it gets easier. i feel calm. it’s alright. :) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2222,"Title: ;—; Text: My mother said “Am I depressed? Maybe I am? Well, no because I laughed last night.” .. You can still laugh and be depressed. Someone needs to educate her.. She knows nothing about depression. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2223,"Title: online harassment Text: i get messaged from random guys on insta nearly daily. mostly its just the usual ""hi, wanna meet and have sex?"" but sometimes its dickpics and even masturbation videos. I do post a lot of sensual nude stuff but i do this for a long time already and i feel like lately the guys are getting more frequent and worse. Have any of you noticed something similar? i got a few messages even with a picture taken right under my window and a guys who knows where i work and who wanted to wait outside at the parkinglot.. I know in germany you can report people to the police for unwanted dickpics at least, but most guys arent from germany so i dont think it would have any effect or am i mistaken? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 2224,"Title: My life is going great Text: Even tho I just started college, made a lot of new friends, found a girl I love and things seem to go great for me , I can't stop hurting myself , I can't stop scratching my skin till it bleeds , It just feels to relaxing, I've run out of excuses to explain myself for my new scars , I don't know how to stop. Any advice? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2225,"Title: Was I harassed or do I just regret my experience? Text: Hello everyone, this is my first post on here so bear with me for any formatting errors, I'm also typing this up on my phone. I'm not sure if I need to add a trigger warning or not, but just in case, this is one. Recently in my city there has been a wave of people coming out with their experiences of harassment instigated by a bigger event which was the murder of a young 24 year old woman at the hands of her partner who's abusive nature was hidden by his parents, they even made him COO or something of their company to cast him in a better light. Many females in my circle have been part of that wave and have come out with their experiences of harassment with guys I knew and was surrounded by all the time, more power to these females of course, but it was all scary and shocking. In light of all this, I've gone back and analysed some of my experiences with guys when I was too young to know better (for reference I am now 18 and the experience I talk about occurred when I was 15) and what's happened is one memory keeps sticking it and I believe it was harassment. I was at a Model U.N competition and this one guy, who a few years older than me, either 17 or 18, took a liking to me. I was young and going to an all girls school so was incredibly flattered even though objectively this guy was kinda egotistical. On the last day of this MUN conference, at night, after the closing ceremony, outside in the grounds of the school where the conference was hosted, some people including myself and this guy were milling about, waiting for our cars to pick us up. It was then that he asked me to walk with him in the ground and I said yes, he then put his arm around me, something I was both uncomfortable and unfamiliar with, something that also was not in line with my religious values at the time. I tried to pull away in what I think was a noticeable way but he pulled me back to him. But because I was so flattered by his attention I made no move to pull away again until he let go himself a few minutes later in the flow of conversation when some other people came up to talk to us. I think this experience was harassment, where my confusion lies is that during this wave of outing harassers, some people also posted to make sure that females weren't mixing experiences they regret with harassment. I think it's a fine line and depends on what the experience and whether you were old enough and knowledgeable enough to be making that decision. So I guess my question to anyone reading is, is this an experience I regret or was this harassment? This is a big thing to ask someone to decide for you but I'm honestly too confused and I think I've provided all relevant information to help people reading come to a conclusion. Thank you in advance! P.S I'm not sure whether this is relevant but in the interest of providing all relevant information, he and I went on to chat for about a week or 2 after the competition, he asked me whether I'd be up for a potential date, I said probably no because my family is quite conservative and I'm not into dating in highschool because the chance of those relationships lasting (in my culture) is 0.000001%, after which I was ghosted and we haven't talked since. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 2226,"Title: Domestic violence Text: I was the victim of DV 2 weeks ago and held against my will. I went and turned him in and my ex is being charged with 9 different counts (felony battery, kidnapping, etc.) I’m so lost right now. Am I supposed to get a lawyer? Do I want to attend all of his hearings? Pros and cons to attending the hearings? Anyone been thru this and have any advice?! We are not married No kids involved Don’t live together For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2227,"Title: Alone again Text: Waiting on death. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2228,"Title: Does anyone else overly explain themselves about almost anything and or say sorry WAY TOO MUCH? Text: It’s so annoying and frustrating because I feel the need to explain with so much detail because I truly feel it won’t be understood otherwise. Ugh For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2229,"Title: I’m scared of staying clean Text: I’ve been smoking weed this weekend. Probably my last time for a while. I feel like a relapse is coming soon after the week starts and weed is out of the picture. I want to stop cutting now more than ever, but I’m still not at a point where I want to go cold turkey. It seems like most people who are trying to get clean want to stay clean as long as possible. I kinda wanna relapse as soon as possible. I know that sounds bad, but I’m at 11 days, I’m afraid that if I go a lot longer and then relapse, it’ll be worse than not going very long and then relapsing if that makes any sense. Plus something is calling me to leave more permanent scars. I have a lot, more recent ones are probably gonna stick around, but the majority of my old ones are kinda hard to see and not too severe. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2230,"Title: i'm trying so fucking hard not to cut rn Text: i'm trans ftm and after almost a year i finally hit top surgery eligibility and found a surgeon/scheduled it. the biggest struggle has been staying clean. obviously if you're self harming a surgeons not gonna cut you open because they can't trust you won't use it to hurt yourself. i've stayed clean for about a month and a half now and i HAVE to keep it that way until the surgery but it's so fucking hard i want to cut i need to cut so goddamn bad but i cannot risk losing the surgery because i might actually fucking kill myself if i can't get this done bc i hate my chest so fucking much i cry every time i see it. i've been doing so damn good staying clean but fuck i want to cut i need to cut so fucking badly For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 2231,"Title: Complete shock Text: Hello, i need advice on what to do. So im male 27 washington state. I was recently at a porn shop picking out stuff my girlfriend and I. A gentleman in his late 40s came in and stood next to me for a few minutes. He then grabbed something off the shelf and went to go pay. But as he was walking by he literally reached out and touched me. I was in complete shock i didnt know what to do. I have never had something like this happen to me. I grabbed what i was getting and paid and left. When i got to the parking lot he was standing out side. I walked straight to my car and got in to leave. As i was pulling out i could see him in my mirror grabbing his dick at me. I dont know what to do. Should i go babk to the store and see if they got it on camera?? File a police report? Please any help would be great. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 2232,"Title: I think I’m going to start sending goodbye texts tonight. Text: Not sure how much longer I have left, but I’d like to say goodbye. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2233,"Title: I’ll always be inferior. Text: Ever since I was raped in a bush by someone I thought was my friend, I’m now inferior. It’s so disgusting, shameful, and embarrassing for me to remember my very first time. Most peoples were happy and experiencing new things. Not me. I was forced to put his dick in his mouth so my knees were all dirty and scraped up and then I was pushed down and went through pain forced to give up my first time laying on dirt and twigs. I’m filthy. Even if I went and got therapy tomorrow, it wouldn’t erase how disgusting my insides are now and how I’m now inferior to everyone else and it wouldn’t erase the experience. No, this isn’t the only time I’ve been raped and I’ve been sexually assaulted as well but this one hurts the most for me because it was during when I was still a virgin. I wanted my first time to at least be with someone I could trust. I was so worthless to this guy as well that he just did it in a bush, he didn’t even want to do it in his car. Now I’m worthless in general. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2234,"Title: Help what do I do Text: I went a bit deeper styro, there was so much blood. I slapped a Bandaid on it and it seems to have stoped bleeding. The blade I used I cleaned it after last time but I forgot to clean it this time. It’s not rusty or anything. What should I do help how do I close it and how do I prevent infection Edit: um I have closed it, I tried to make my own butterfly bandaids but it didn’t went so good lol. So I basically slapped a lot of medical tape on it and I seems to be closed now but almost the whole wound is under tape lol. I guess I’ll just clean it when it’s closed and use some antiseptic cream. A scar on the leg won’t be so weird I can just use some excuse For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2235,"Title: Does anyone else have literally no one to hang with? Text: Like, literally *no one.* Most people seem to have at least one person, if not a couple. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2236,"Title: idk why i wanna cut i just don’t feel well and i do Text: I can’t tell if i’m depressed cause i’m pretty productive anymore. I don’t have that much but i always feel constantly overwhelmed. I used to be able to pin it on being lonely and terribly antisocial, and i’m still antisocial, but i have a few people i can text even if i’m not terribly close. But i have opportunities. Idk what i’m doing wrong and why i don’t feel better For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2237,"Title: I miss so many people Text: I keep seeing various friends and family leave my life and I miss the things we used to do. I had so much great memories with these people and I can’t stop thinking about some of them. I feel like I’m completely alone sometimes with nothing but my memories of the people I don’t see anymore. The feeling got worse a few years ago and I often find myself zoning out and daydreaming about seeing them again. 😞 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2238,"Title: I need help with a serious question about suffering Text: My beloved person has serious and deep depression, suicidal thoughts, and intrusive thoughts. They have run out of meds and tried so many types of therapy that have not worked. If they go on disability they are consigned to poverty. I am witness to the deep pain and suffering and undesirable options that I relate to their thought that suicide is an option. I have never and will never say that out loud. Can anyone help me find some hope? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2239,"Title: Moving On Text: My abuser had his sentencing in court yesterday. I wasn’t able to get the time off from work in order to attend via Zoom like I’d wanted, but my lawyer recapped everything for me which I appreciated. He didn’t express any accountability and made excuses for all of the things he did to me, which we expected. I’d written a victim’s impact statement and they read it aloud in court, and apparently it was very powerful. He said he’d written a letter too but left it at the jail, and after hearing what I’d had to say, he was glad he didn’t bring it. My lawyer said he’d said other things too, like how he loved me and had only been taking care of me, which made me laugh out loud. You don’t give someone you love multiple black eyes and a concussion or throw their phone away and make them lose their job or choke them out multiple times. It just goes to show what our brains are capable of as far as creating coping mechanisms and making up narratives, that he would convince himself that he loved me, when left alone in a jail cell. I appreciated all of the details from my lawyer, but the best news of all was hearing that he got the full 10 year prison sentence, which was the maximum for what he put me through. Maybe he’ll change, maybe he won’t. But this baby girl that I’m about to bring into the world won’t have to know him, and that makes me feel so at peace. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2240,"Title: Advice with rental history Text: Hi, My children and I are currently in a refuge but it's short term accomodation. We currently have a rental crisis so it's extremely competitive to find a home and social housing has a wait list of . We have left a very highly violent situation and are trying to rebuild. I am trying to apply for rental properties but due to the situation I can't provide 2 years rental history to even complete the profile to apply online and I'm not physically able to go in person at the moment. Does anyone have any advice on how to go about this apart from being able to pull a fake landlord out of thin air? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2241,"Title: I just need to be pushed over the edge Text: For so long I’ve wanted to, for so many years. I was such a sad kid and ivd fucked up so much in my life. Im too scared to fail, mydesire to end it needs to be just a little bit stronger. Today would be a perfect day to do it, the only person home with nothing to stop me For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2242,"Title: I finally did it! Text: Today after 6 years of extreme DV, I won’t go to details. I finally stepped into a court and obtained a non-molestation order (restraining order) against my ex-husband. He had brain washed me so badly that even when he went to prison I believed no one would believe me. Today I proved him wrong. Now the non-mol is in place I feel safe to move on with my life, divorce him safely, love again. Deprogramme myself from his twisted narrative and to start afresh. I didn’t believe I would have the courage to share my story with the authorities that he would often use to intimidate and harass me. Today I feel thankful for my support network and not giving up. And trust me, if I can do it, you can. Even if you don’t feel like your there yet, you have the strength inside you to get out. You just have to believe it. I can finally breathe again. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2243,"Title: I think a guy recorded me on public transport and I feel disgusted Text: I don’t know if I imagined it but I sat opposite this man probably in his 20/30s. Not long after I got on, he pulled out his phone to text and then he folded his arms with his phone still in his hand. His phone camera was facing me. He still had his phone in that position so obviously I couldn’t see what was on the screen but he kind of leaned back and pressed the screen almost as if to check or press something but it was just a really weird angle. It was like he was checking to see if it was recording or facing me. I kept looking between the phone and him but he sat there with his eyes closed at that point. Then I just started to look round to see if anyone else had noticed. I wanted to move seats even if it wasn’t recording but I felt stuck in place. I just feel pathetic knowing that if he was recording, I just sat there staring stupidly between the camera and him, letting it happen and just imagining that if he was actually recording what he would use that video for. I don’t know if I was being paranoid but I just don’t feel right about it. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2244,"Title: I got out today Text: Thank you to everyone for their support and insight. I posted about this a few days ago and was on the fence at the time, but after doing some research and taking in your stories I knew what I needed to do. So thank you. Tonight I broke up with my boyfriend who was getting violent. My landlord randomly changed all the locks on our building and he texted me a few hours later which I took as a sign and just went for it. He had my keys and this was the one big piece holding me back. I just need to vent. We met up to talk so I could tell him in person, in public as he's less likely to fly off the handle while out than at home. I don't know why I even indulged a conversation, but it really gave me confidence in my decision. This isn't abuse- his therapist said so, and he has a list of things i can work on to not ""trigger"" the PTSD he is self diagnosed with. I really want to text his friend so she can pass my number on to the next girl (I don't have social media other than reddit). I don't expect her to be receptive, but I want to plant the seed in case new girl comes forward and no one believes her. I just want to tell somebody- not out of spite, but to keep people safe. I'll think on it and maybe send it once I'm in the new place my friends are getting ready for me that's a 25 hour drive away. I'm going home. Fuck this noise. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2245,"Title: I wish i had friends to talk to and who actually sought me out. I feel like I'm the one chasing people and it sucks. Text: It might be a bias or whatever but it feels true that i chase people and i have the burden of wanting them around or continuing a friendship. Otherwise, they don't need me. What to do? Be fine with being lonely forever? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2246,"Title: Horrible luck which is making me feel horrible Text: I feel so horrible nothing is going in my life has planned. I have such horible luck. Got a on placement offer but the company has no projects to work on because of recession. Got an interview at last made some minior mistakes in it.But even if I do 70 percent well in the interview still I may not get offer because market is too competataive thanks to many layoffs.Persuing higher studies now hope I have good luck there. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2247,"Title: I will never understand why cops are so abrasive when dealing with DV and harassment Text: I went to the station to file a police report today and the cop was so abrasive. I told her about the calls and texts that my abuser was sending me saying fuck me and that he moved to my town and her reply was, ""Why don't you change your number?"" ""Towns are big."" ""People have freedom of speech"" ""He didn't threaten you"". No he just left two sickening and twisted voicemails and five texts that HARASSED me! And I'd had a criminal order of protection against him before. None of this mattered to her until she asked her sergeant. Luckily he told her to file it under ""Telephone Harassment"", which is exactly where I'd told the cop that the victim's and legal advocates I'd spoken to advised me to report it under. She suddenly changed her tune and started giving me advice like ""Don't meet him."" ""Call the cops if you see him."" I wanted to say ""Not if they are like you ma'am"". This sort of treatment has happened EVERY time I have gone to file a police report on this individual. Why??? This is so disheartening. Something has to change. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 2248,"Title: When trying to escape keep in mind Text: It's like you are suddenly living two separate lives and they can have no connection to each other. You have to become two people to get out. One person is the person your abuser knows. That person has to remain the same. The other person is your secret. The person that only you know. That secret person needs a new secret email, a secret bank account, an address you can use that the abuser doesn't know, a secret place for the belongings you are able to sneak out of the house. That person needs to be hidden from your abuser. Keep them deep inside and show no signs of their existence. Be smart and don't feel guilty for the lies you have to tell. Don't feel guilty for having to live a double life. You are on a mission for your life and safety. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2249,"Title: I am a man that was raped as a child... continued Text: So as i left off I had reached intermediate as a massive target, I had no self confidence or worth. I wanted to die and no one cared, my mother turned into a violent spiteful alcoholic, she would be physically abusive to me as a child but emotionally manipulative to me as a 10+ year old. Before her or anyone found I was abused she use to go to the pub every Friday night, in would sit by myself in the slot machine part terrified of the men in there, while she drank in the pub, even one night she ran out of money and tried to sell me to those outside. There was alot in was scared of frome her, she told me in was a waste of her life, a useless cunt and I ruined everything for her, only when she had been drinking... so I was to scared to tell her that her friends son had spent almost a year raping me. I thought I would get the blame or I would be punished. By the time of intermediate my 2 sisters had little to nothing to do with us, my eldest sister tried to get my mother to send me to a boarding school (she had become wealthy) so that I would have a future.. they disliked each other and to this day they still do. I stayed at my school and kept my secret, I was picked on, beaten, ridiculed and isolated every day. By the time I hit high school I was at my end, I had attempted suicide 3 times since I was 7 and each time failed, I had started playing hockey at primary school and wasnt to bad at up until high school, where the ridicule and pain was intensified. It was the ""friends"" I made in hockey that destroyed me the most. I had never put faith in my family for support, never told them anything, I love them but it's an absent love, hard to explain. My mother had a heart attack when I was 13/14 and at 2 in the morning I was sitting on the floor alone with her gasping for air and crying, I had never felt so alone (at that time) she survived and has gone in to have many more.. but I knew I could never tell this woman I had been raped and in part she was the one that made it happen. At this point I was going to a youth group and stayed within the church for a few years, my mother went and it made her stop drink and drugs so hey, it was great! But! One night coming home from youth group, with all the other kids in the van, my house was the first stop, we pull up to find my drunk mother beating the neighbor up.. needless to say i wasnt allowed back. A few years past and i got very very suicidal, but I was scared of cutting myself, so I grabbed pills, 14 years old I swallowed a lot of random pills in had gathered from my mother, my ""friend's"" house and from a pharmacy (I stole alot) I took everything and went for a bike ride... I rode my bike down a hill and straight into a tree, I was so high I cant remember what hurt, but I know I was in pain, worst of all my bike was done, a bike that my mother had gotten from a member of the church for me, (it was a heap of shit that I was beaten up over) so I was scared. I made it home to a furious mother, she was ballistic, ranting and all,, ""WHY THE FUCK DIDNYOU DO THAT, YOU IDIOT "" .. all that came to my head was the truth... I said.. ""I was trying to kill myself because ### ### raped me for most of the time we lived there""... she stopped looked at me and burst into tears, walk out the door and stood for a while... For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","suicideideation_active_past, rape_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 2250,"Title: Forgetting what you wanted to talk about when you get to the therapists office Text: I dont know if anybody experienced this, but it's like a defense mechanism. Like as soon as I walk the stairs to my therapists office it's as all the chemicals in my brain start to work properly and I kind of forget all my sadness and stress, all the things I'm stressing over, the feeling of dread before I go to sleep etc. And it sucks a lot cause I want to be able to fix my problems but mostly we just talk about little things that are not as important For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2251,"Title: Feeling Empty. Text: Hi. Using a throwaway account as you can see. As of now, I am a new college student (18 F) and for a while, I just feel depressed and wanted a place to share my own feelings and stories. Feel free to give any advice, concerns, or comments. All is appreciated. Right now, everything is my life is great. (Not really, obviously.) I have a great family, a good partner (secretly), an okay job, and I gained new friends as I start out college. Although I have these great values in my life, I feel depressed and not as happy as I thought it would be. I just feel like a hollow shell that doesn't have control of their life. I went to college to please my parents (mainly my dad) since they wanted me to get a bachelor's degree and don't want me to be in a relationship until I finish my education. My dad mainly shit talks about people who don't or says that they're stupid to have a relationship while getting their degree. Not just college and relationships, but even other situations that doesn't even matter anymore. I understand he's trying to be a good dad, but it really upsets me because it isn't his business to talk shit about other people behind their backs just to pour it out on me. I just keep my mouth shut and suck it up because i don't want to back talk. It just messes up and kind of distorts my view of my dad. Me and my sister's (15 F) relationship is so confusing. (yk how siblings can be but I just need to spill this out.) She's normally okay at times, but I really hate that she can't really take care of herself and how she is self aware of that. My parents and I try to discipline her, but she is so difficult to get through. If she gets told to do something, she ends up getting upset and either my parents and/or I end up doing it. I hated that I always have to do everything my parents want while she barely takes any shit for it. They did her homwork at one point. They even wanted me to pay for her classes. I understand that people grow differently, but I really want her to grow on her own so she can support herself if we're gone. My parents forcing me taking care of her feels like she wouldn't be able to sustain herself and fend off of other people. My relationship with my boyfriend (17 M) is fine, I guess. This thing is its own story. But the jist is that it feels like my future with him is starting to unalign. I wanted to at least attend college together with him so that we can at least see each other more after he graduates. (I don't communicate, see, or call with him a lot since he's extremely busy with high school and work; we can't drive either.) He wanted to do military for a bit to earn money (i support this), doesn't want to do college anymore, and would fend off of me if we were to live together (idk househusband). I never envisioned my future with him to be like this and its kind of upsetting, but I can't control him. I know how much communication is important in a relationship, but the feeling of trying to contact him feels to me like he's so difficult to reach because of how busy he is. Just these three things makes me slowly lose my own sanity and bottling up these feelings don't help at all. My memories are fading at a faster rate as I turn into nothing. Also therapy is expensive. Though there is much more to tell, I will end it here since it's long. TLDR: Depressed college student rants about how life sucks while having everything a person could ever want. Relationships with family and s/o, personally, feels like it's turning to shit. Father rants, an insufficient sibling, and an unaligned future with s/o are main factors. I bottle up the negativity which doesn't help. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2252,"Title: Advice needed on school,health and relationshops [repost] Text: In primary school i was a very loving and normal child and didn't struggle on relationships and life was all good. Comes 2020 and i was stuck inside of my room with felt like a prison at best.I had trouble maintaining relationships, my best friends ran away, people whom i thought i was close with became distant, I used to give my mom gifts and presents but i dont now.I've also noticed that i cannot stand it or will have a mental breakdown because they asked me a simple question of ""are you okay?"". My family has started noticing that i became more passive and ill-mannered.I became more annoying and sometimes not participate at all. My sleep schedule would go from good to bad and back to being decent,sometimes i can't sleep and sometimes i sleep too much.i started to doubt everything i did so much so that i've been driving people around me away even more.Sometimes i just sit and cry in the bathroom. It also doesn't help that i feel an enormous amount of jealousy,i attend an advanced/honor's class and people around me are so smart and it seems like no matter how hard i try i'll never outrun them, their faces are in posters and boards and im not.i see them everywhere and they've been put on this pedestal in which i can never reach, ever no matter how hard i try my brain and skills are not even going to be on par with half of what they can do and everyone around me knows it and they act like im a fool and oblivious to some of their obvious jokes. Theres this boy in my class, we'll call him A.A is a very outgoing,smart and participates in class and i find myself picking on and endlessly tormenting and mocking A because he felt like a version of me that is so distant from myself,the version which my family ""misses"" the better version. Currently, i think my friend's expectations and view of me has dropped majorly, my relationship with my family has been deteriorating and my health is suffering from lack of sleep. Is this something all teens go through? Is it because of me? because i can't find anybody that i can talk to.Sorry if the english and order is messed up,half of this is just venting For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2253,"Title: I reported a disgusting discord server that was about child rape Text: A friend sent me a link and told me to report the server and I joined so I could report it. What I saw there makes me want to kill myself and will stay with me for the rest of my life. I'm afraid to tell anyone as I'm scared of people thinking I'm a pedo For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2254,"Title: I don't know how to react to this.. Text: So, I recently met with my friend (who knows I cut) and as soon as she saw me, she acted all excited and grabbed my arm, proceeded to roll up my sleeve and compare her size cuts to mine (mine were a day or two old) and she then told me that she's glad she can cut deeper than me?? Let alone the fact that I am very uncomfortable with physical touch, and someone looking at my scars(??) she neglected all of those and then made me feel invalid af about them... ​ What am I supposed to do now? She's a b\*tch so it's not like if I tell her I was uncomfy she'll listen. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2255,"Title: I’ve ruined my best future Text: Ive never missed a human being more than I miss her and it’s been years, why can’t I fucking get over her? I did this and I can’t even begin to understand why. She was literally my everything I looked forward to seeing her every single day but now I don’t know if I’ll ever see her again I loved her so much and I just had to be an asshole for no apparent reason other than I was depressed and now…it’s worse I don’t have a shoulder to cry on because I drove it away. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2256,"Title: Not sure what to do. TW for assault on a minor by a minor Text: Hello, I’m really just asking for advice here. This isn’t something that happened to me. I’m in highschool currently, and my friend got sent a DM of our class president offering to write a essay for a girl, and that she could pay him back with sex or a lap dance. The person who it happened to didn’t report him, and I’m not sure if that’s because she didn’t want to, or she didn’t think it was that big of a deal. Me and my friend reached out to a trusted teacher, who advised us to go to our principal. We plan to keep the person who it happened to anynomous as the screenshot doesn’t show her name, but I’m still apprehensive because she hasn’t done it herself already. Edit: forgot to mention he has also said sexual thing about our vice principal, which I have heard myself. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2257,"Title: I think I'll kms by nitrogen hypoxia Text: Its supposed to be painless and all of it is over in minutes. I think it'll probably be super comfortable. Nitrogen is easy to get bc a lot of restaurants and spas use it for various purposes. But even if I got a tank of nitrogen idk where I'll store it? The fridge is full of food and also idk how the transport from the store will work? Hope the tank comes with some inbuilt temperature regulator, then it'll be ok. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2258,"Title: #CannibalNews #ZombieNews #FakeNews Text: Sexual harassment in the United States turned into a new show business model. I'm getting the impression, if you are flirting and you are a rich man you're going to be sued or accused for sexual harassment. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2259,"Title: I pray every night that I don’t wake up in the morning Text: Bout to go to bed hopefully this is the night it all ends For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2260,"Title: Why do people call everyone with self harm emos?? Text: I've noticed this a lot, when someone in my class finds out about me or any other classmate then they start calling them ""hey why are cutting yourself, EMO"" dude. I'm not emo, I don't even want to be. I'm gonna be honest here, these people who call every self harmer ""emos"" are just people trying to mimic their favorite content creator on youtube probably to be funny. I'm not even cutting myself for attention either. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2261,"Title: I feel like a liar Text: I don’t know why but I feel like it’s my fault and I’m a liar. I feel so disgusting and like I’m overreacting. Logically, I know the facts. He touched me without my consent. He called me baby. He called me “doll”. He snuck up behind me. It happened. But still, I feel like a liar and a fraud. I feel like I have to hide it from everyone. I shared it with a few people on my team and some were supportive. I said I went through something and I’m gonna be out of it for a while, and that it’s nothing personal. This person said “some of y’all are getting too comfortable out here”. I don’t know if it was directed at me, but I’m hurt. I didn’t mean to overshare. I didn’t give anyone details of what happened. I didn’t do any of that shit. I don’t understand how I was sharing too much. Maybe I’m stupid. Maybe I’m a fucking liar and I’m overreacting. I don’t know how to feel. I’m so confused. I was tired of pretending like everything was okay. I was tired of hiding but it was probably unwise of me to disclose anything. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 2262,"Title: im scared Text: I’m still a teenager and usually my suicidal thoughts are pretty mild and will go away if i distract myself but i don’t know what to do right now i cant stop thinking of it and i don’t want to give in to it but its been in my head all day long, it just won’t go away and its getting to much to handle. I want to call my best friend but I don’t want to bother her since she has to wake up early and I have no one else I can talk to right now. looking for advice or soothing words For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2263,"Title: I can't stop masturbating to rape porn, it's the only thing that works anymore Text: These words are still really hard to say but I'll try to say it anyways. I was raped twice 4 years ago, and groomed/sexually abused for the last 3 years. The latter was extremely physically violent. Since then, the only porn I can masturbate to is from this one porn studio that is known for extremely violent, abusive, degrading porn; particularly oral sex which was the majority for me. I'd say they're the closest I've seen to being a ""legal rape studio"". I can't orgasm anymore unless I'm watching it and picturing it happening to me again. And even when I try to watch other videos, I always end up back on that site. I know this is a pretty normal experience, but I still literally want to puke after I orgasm. I hate myself and it's ruining my sex life with my fiancé. It's been so long since the rape/abuse happened, and yet I still feel so disgusting and suicidal. Therapy and CPT have helped a little, but not nearly enough. Any words of encouragement would be nice. ❤️ For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 2264,"Title: It turns out if you're in the adult industry no one cares if you get raped. Text: From openly blaming me for my rape because I chose be a nude model and stripper to comments about how I should change jobs (including in this very sub), people clearly don't care about anyone in the adult industry and seem to think we deserve or invite sexual violence, like I should just expect it with this job. I shouldn't have to leave my chosen profession just to keep myself safe, I should just be safe. People just shouldn't rape. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2265,"Title: My classmates made me feel horrible and disgusting and nobody did anything, and i suspect my ex maybe possibly used me but not really. Text: So I guess I should put a **trigger warning** here, sorry if its hard to read I'm still a bit new to this. so around the middle of the school year last year, a group of boys started to make comments to me about how their friends liked me (as in a crush) and I ignored at first because I though it was just a joke. But it soon because worse, they made jokes about my body and how their friends would love to be romantically and sexually involved with me. We were 13 and 14 at the time and our uniforms didn't show a persons figure which i was very grateful for. They were very loud about it too, I heard some kids snicker at a couple of their jokes and the teachers would yell at them for being loud but not for what they were saying. and my friend in my class said just to ignore them but I couldn't. One day i snapped and spoke back, I told them if they didn't have anything nice to say then to shut their stupid mouths. They kept doing it. And about my ex, he was really sweet and just all around adorable, he was my first boyfriend too. when he told me he wanted to brake up I was fine with it, because he communicated his reason, I mean it still hurt cause it was a brake up but i didn't think much of it. then latter one of our mutual friends told me that when i wasn't there our other friend had jokingly asked him if he would fck me, I don't know why she asked but he had looked her straight in the eyes and said yes seriously. And I don't know what to think of any of this, I asked my friend why he said that but he wouldn't tell me, so please help me i don't understand anyone in this story's reasoning or motives . For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 2266,"Title: [Question] Is this considered as self harm? Text: Hi! I hope this is the right sub to ask this, but I was just wondering if this is considered as self harm or not. Back when I was younger, probably when I was 13-14 I had this serious problem of biting my fingers and causing them to bleed. At church I’d sit on my hands because of how self conscious I was (fingers normally swollen, occasionally red due to blood residue, etc.). There was a time when I’d get “clean”, where my fingers weren’t damaged and my nails could grow long enough to paint (I bit my nails too, but that’s not very related to my question). Now I’m away for college and I’m trying to get myself together. Unfortunately, I’ve fallen back into the habit of mutilating my fingers, and now I’m wondering if it’s considered as self harm (luckily only 3/10 are harmed, rather than more). Though I aim struggling with my anxiety and depression, biting my fingers was never something I did *because* I was depressed. Also, sorry if this is a bit of a silly question, too. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2267,"Title: im slipping back in Text: I have been to the psych ward twice (once for 2 months once for 1 month) and i feel like im slipping back into the places ive been, im suicidal again and i havent been for a couple months. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2268,"Title: My friend showed me their sh today Text: A good friend of mine showed my their self harm today and I feel bad. I dont know how to deal with others self harm. It doesn't help that when I see other people's sh I feel like it's a competition and I have to do it more for mine to be bad enough to be considered self harm. It's only when I see other people's sh you could just tell me that you do and I wouldn't feel as triggered. They said it so casually when they told me. Like it was no big deal. I dont know what to do. And I'm not going to tell them that I felt this way because they don't know I sh. There are only two people who know and both of them found out on accident. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2269,"Title: Nerve Damage? TW Text: I had a bad mental break when I was 14 (almost 6 years ago) I cut down to where I saw white it barely bled at all. I used butterfly stitches and kept it clean until it healed. I dont remember the healing process well I hid it from everyone and still hide it to this day. Its on my thigh not too far below my hip though. Sometimes over the past few years usually around this time of the year I get these random (not constant but happen frequently throughout the day) kind of bad shooting pains above the scar. Im too ashamed to ask someone I know, but does this sound like nerve damage? Would it even be worth going to a doctor about could they even do anything, or is this just something I have to deal with for now on? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 2270,"Title: Officially no longer a teenager Text: A part of me is hopeful that this will be the better decade of my life, maybe not so filled with the pain and loneliness, and better to come :) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2271,"Title: im tired Text: i fought the ""not doing anything phase"", but still im so tired all the time, my mind is going crazy and even in nice summer days i feel like something is wrong, i just can't feel happy. I feel like im living in a small box alone despite traveling and having friends. i am only fullfilled with life when my mind is 100% excited into something, but i still feel empty afterwards. When i do have happy episodes, i am so emotional and wanna share it with others, but they don't unsderstand it and i feel like i have noone to talk about emotions. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2272,"Title: Ex wife was the abuser Text: My ex wife was the abuser. I let her hit me bite me and make me bleed but still wanted to stay. She ended up divorcing me and it’s been about 6 months. She is a successful therapist and she took everything (even my dogs). I want to ask if it’s worth it to file a police report on her. I have been a victim for some time now but the last time she abused me I was able to catch it on video. I hate that I know she’s out there counseling people even when she is the abuser. I am not sure how I should approach this. Thank you for your time. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2273,"Title: Fuck the future, friends getting houses, a living wage. I'm so tired of feeling hopeless Text: First off, fuck winter. I'm so tired of spending the entire winter wanting to end it. Its ridiculous. With the general election coming up, it's just gonna fuck over the country even more and I'm already broke. Like £2 in the bank broke until tomorrow night. And now friends are setting deposits on houses and settling into well paid jobs that are over 20k a year. Its just a repeating cycle of hopelessness. Theres literally no chance of not struggling for my entire life and I cant keep dealing with it. I'm so tired of being happy for a day then watching as everything just falls apart around me. I'm so fucking tired. I hate my job. I'm too depressed to write my cv since theres nothing positive to say, and I feel stupid for even thinking that. I'm just so done. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2274,"Title: I really don't know what am i supposed to do Text: So i (19m) have a friend (31f), We've been friends for quite some time now, We talk a lot and play video games together a lot more, So in the past few months I've started having feeling for her but i just ignored them as i really didn't want to lose her, I just kept them hidden and assumed that i was the problem for falling in love with someone this older than me, BUT last week we were talking on the phone she expressed her feeling and said that she loves me, So i froze for a second but i told her that i loved her back and u always did, But i tried to tell her it cant work because of the age gap, She really was ok with it and didn't get mad at all so we continued talking for about 2 hours about a lot of things, Everything was fine and normal so i say good night to her and go to sleep. The next day i found out she blocked me, I was heartbroken as I don't understand what's wrong so i called her 2 times and she didn't respond, I tried giving her some time but even now she didn't respond to me or even explain what happened. So please what am i supposed to do as i don't want to lose her. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2275,"Title: Flashbacks after rape / what to do Text: I was raped years ago by each of my exes, one of them in particular was a lot worse, I was with him the longest and at the time I didn't fully realise I was being assaulted as I suppressed it all, however he has left the most damage on my mental health and I now suffer from PTSD. I called an ambulance earlier for chest pain 3 ambulances arrived and needed to check my heart, I had to take my shirt of for an ECG... there were 3 male paramedics and I knew I could ask them to walk away for a second as I was being checked by the others but the second I had to take my shirt of and saw they were all stood around me I went in to the same state I used to go in to when I used to get assaulted, I completely froze and shut up, so scared that if I asked them to turn away id get hurt again, my brain was screaming to ask them to just turn away but I completely froze and went back in to that old state, then I started to experience flashbacks, I knew the paramedics weren't doing anything wrong and were being kind but I was terrified and haven't felt that feeling since I was raped. I don't know how to deal with these things I can't bring myself to ask someone to turn away and I desperately don't want it to happen again. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2276,"Title: Pain from all sides (vent post) UPDATE Text: So here I am, bout to turn 33 and honestly. I feel good. Since my last post, I finally landed a decent job and have been steadily earning. Sadly, inflation makes it impossible to live on my own as even a small single room apartment is above my means. As a reprieve, I've begun paying my parents rent. In turn, they've begun listening. Suddenly I find myself able to open up to them without any major push-back. My dad has been helping me fix up my car. My mom is helping me with my depression and anxiety. Together, we've even come across some helpful ways to deal with my ADHD without medication. (my boss is fully for it and the research is music therapy before anyone asks.) To those we sent me support: Thank you. To the person who called me a Neet: I had to google it. I felt more heartbroken and insulted by it than thankful. Not everyone likes having their situation compared to random peoples on the net. Thanks. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2277,"Title: Sexual harassment at work Text: So I was at a work holiday party and my coworker was drunk and hugged me from behind and slapped my ass. Then he kept trying to put his arm around my waist. Then when I went to my car to get a hoodie to change into he comes out to my car and keeps trying to touch me and talk to me. So I went inside and changed in the bathroom, I came out and he was there and he took my sweater I just changed out of and kept saying “I don’t have to stay after, I don’t have to clean up the party, I can just get in my truck and go, so what do you wanna do?” I tell him I just want my clothes back and he pours me a shot of Crown and he goes “drink it and you can have your stuff back” I’m underage and I had to drive home so I kept refusing. My other two coworkers came and I mouthed “help”. One of them tried to drink my shot for me so I could get my stuff back but he was insistent I drank it. My two coworkers left to the parking lot and I didn’t want to be alone in the parking lot so I just drank it but he still wouldn’t give me my clothes back. I just told him I would put my clothes in the car and come back but I just got in my car and left. I don’t know what to do because I work with him and he’s been with the company for many years. I just need some opinions because I feel like I’m crazy and overreacting but at the same time I’m really freaked out. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 2278,"Title: can I tell someone about something? Text: some shits gone down and I just really need to tell someone about this For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2279,"Title: My roommate assaulted me and I just let it happen. Can’t move out for 3 more months. Text: The thought that keeps replaying in my head is “you just let it happen” and “you could have stopped it” and I hate that. So I’m a single woman in my 20s and I moved pretty much cross country almost 2 years ago. To make things work financially, I asked to move in with an old high school friend who already lived in the area and needed a roommate. About 3 months into living together he admits that he has feelings for me and likes me as more than a platonic friend. I felt horrible, but I explained to him that I didn’t like him in that way and I didn’t even want to be in a relationship at that moment - with anyone. Of course, no one feels great after your feelings aren’t reciprocated but, regardless we still got along okay and hung out together. Mind you, I just moved to a new state so I didn’t have any friends in this area. He really seemed like my only option of “friends” to hang out with at the time. He’s also extremely introverted, so he doesn’t have any friends either and seems excited for someone like me to come along and take him on my weekend adventures. Over the course of 3-4 months we continue hanging out and sharing stories. He admits to me he’s a virgin (at 28 yo) and has never been in a relationship. Both things I already kind of assumed. I felt bad for him that his social anxiety has caused him to not seek more relationships. Then, one night around December (I moved in July) we’re watching tv on the couch. Mind you, when we moved in, I purchased a huge sectional so we’d both have plenty of space to sit away from each other. However, I noticed that he would always try to sit kinda close to me. I just kind of ignored that uncomfortable feeling and never asked him to move. On this particular night he was sitting kinda close again and I had kinda fallen asleep. I was probably half asleep when I felt his hand move over my breasts. I immediately was in a silent panic. What do I do? If I wake up and tell him to stop will he get mad? What if I pretend to keep sleeping, will he stop? I froze. He didn’t stop. I kept pretending to be sleeping and he kept feeling me up. He put his hands down my pants, underneath my shirt, and more. It got to the point where it was so forceful that it was unbelievable that I would still be asleep. Eventually I did “wake up” but only by pretending I enjoyed it. I was so scared that if I woke up and embarrassed him by saying I didn’t want it or accusing him of rape that he would get mad at me and I had to keep living with him so I didn’t know what to do. I just let it happen. I hate that I let it happen. That I didn’t stick up for myself. That I pretended everything was alright because living with my pain seemed easier than causing my abuser pain. Financially, I couldn’t afford to move out after that incident. I was also pretty much alone in that my family and friends all lived in other states. Finally, I’m at a place where I can afford my own place but won’t be able to move until our lease is up in July. Now I just don’t watch tv in the living room anymore. I’ve pretty much confined myself to my bedroom so I don’t have to see him. Thank you for listening to my thoughts. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 2280,"Title: How to deal with knowing I can do anything. Text: Hello, I am 22(M) and life feels pointless because I know I can do anything I put my mind to. All my life my parents told me I can do anything if I put my mind to it and that's what I did. I did whatever I wanted no matter the obstacles and now life feels pointless because I know no matter how much I struggle and get beat down I know I will be able to rise out of the situation and achieve or get the desired outcome I want. What's the point in struggling and trying if I know I will get what I want in the end? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2281,"Title: just attempted suicide Text: went from attempting to slit my wrist to full out self harm relapse . i cant fucking do this anymore and the only person i want to talk to hasnt talked to me all day For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_active_ongoing" Question 2282,"Title: My dad Text: My dad has been raping me since i started developing, he’s really rough when he does it and it hurts so much. I love and hate it when he does it because it makes me feel loved by him, the only time he ever gives me attention. I don’t have a mother and all my relatives live far from me. I feel so trapped in this cycle Last night he went to my room and started to grope me and undress me, i tried to resist and fight back but he was on me and held my mouth so i couldn’t scream, he said that i deserved it for being such a good girl. He left me crying and my legs shaking. I felt so disgusting afterwards like always For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","childabuse_endangerment_ongoing, rape_ongoing" Question 2283,"Title: is a girl moaning in my ear sexual harassment? Text: hi, so today at school i was standing in line for period 5 and then a girl in my year came up to me. i knew her as a classmate because she's in my spanish class. she comes up to me very closely, but i didn't really think that much of it since i thought she was probably trying to annoy me and she is one of the badly behaved kids in our year. me and her stare at each other in the eyes for about 5 seconds, and then she gets really close to my ear and starts moaning in my ear. i pushed her off me and she walked away. i have experienced sexual harassment before and it was repeated but this is the only time this girl did this to me and i don't know if i should report it as sexual harassment or something else. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 2284,"Title: Would anyone be willing to talk? Text: I can't do this anymore. I don't have anyone else to talk to. I am a burden to everyone I meet, and life continues to prove that true. I don't know how to push through and keep going. I've been chronically sick my whole life, and now I'm thinking that's life's way of making me suffer for all the pain I've caused others. I'm the bastard child of two people who just wanted to move on with their lives, but I've always been there to be a constant reminder of their failures. They were never there for me for any life event. Birthdays, graduation, school functions, doctors appointments, etc, but who could blame them? I wouldn't want to be around anyone who drained them emotionally, physically and financially for their entire existence. I've been in and out of hospitals for my entire life. Why should I continue? I feel like I should end things and not cause any more problems. No one reaches out to me or responds anymore anyways. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2285,"Title: i hate the permanence of scars Text: i just had to vent about this and see if anyone feels the same but the thing w sh at least for me is that every time i do it i tell myself i’ll never do it again but i do, even if it had been a month or so i slip up and it SUCKS because i literally am so self conscious of my scars so why do i keep doing this if i hate them so much??? i live in a warm country and it’s coming up to summer now (southern hemisphere) and ik ppl r gonna be expecting me to swim and wear tank tops and whatever and how many times can i say no before they get suspicious?? and how can i live my life like the rest of my life with them? idk how to accept them. literally no one in my life knows about them not a single person and i want to keep it that way but how long will i actually be able to? bruh it just sucks that i’m gonna miss out on so much because i’m scared to be seen :( For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2286,"Title: I'm absolutely 100% terrified Text: Tomorrow I call the police to start the protective order process. I'm taking my life back. I'm absolutely terrified of retaliation for getting him arrested, but if I don't do this I'm afraid he might kill me. I'll be living the rest of my life afraid for my life as long as he lives. Any support and positivity is appreciated. I stand tall with all of you. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 2287,"Title: nothing urgent but not sure if this is normal Text: I used scissors to do a few small cuts on my thigh and the scabs on it are pretty dark and purple-ish. There are cuts from the same scissors on my arm but they are just the color of normal cuts. I’m not overly worried because it doesn’t hurt more than usual but it looks weird and this has never happened to me before. Does anyone know why this happened or if I should do anything about it? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2288,"Title: is this normal? Text: it used to be easy for me to just cut my thighs and get over it. but now the thought of cutting makes my stomach churn, it grosses me out?? gore and all that shit just randomly bothers me now?? moral of the story.. i’m not doing this shit for a long time! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 2289,"Title: I think im getting addicted Text: So I kinda started self harm about 2 years ago, my ex friend who I loved did them, and she'd often talk to me abt hers. And after we fell apart It kept thinking abt it, one day when things got horrible for me I just took a box cutter and gave myself a few scratches and tbh I didnt like it. And I still dont really like pain. But fast foward, I have anger issues and I have a destructive way to expressing it example i kick or break objects around me, throw things and what not and so I decided Id go cutting again, (i wasnt it my right mind yall) and it feel good. And ive been going like for a while and i cut like 2 days ago because i was stressing shit ton and today i just feel the urge to do it again so bad. Like i dont even have a reason to but i wanna do it so bad. I dont want to be actually addicted so what should I do For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2290,"Title: posted on her yesterday and got 1 downvote and 0 comments Text: literally no one cares not even this stupid subreddit i wanna die already For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2291,"Title: Kinda in a big rut right now Text: Hey, guy here. So over the last couple of months I've hit a massive roadblock in terms of mental health. I've never really had a positive opinion of myself but I'm kind of the person who tries to make others feel better (like to say I'm a guy with no self confidence helping other people's confidence) but recently I've probably been at my worst in terms of self hatred. Hate my looks, hate my personality, the whole fun package. I'm in school right now and university was probably the worst decision of my life because I entered something I had a passion in and realized I wasn't smart enough for it after 2 years so I feel horrible for wasting the money from scholarships I got on something I wasn't good at and my parents for helping me so I feel like a bad son and a burden for not succeeding in college even though they're really supportive of me. I'm horrible at making friends and everyone close to me who could be a possible friend do nothing but drink and party all the time and I'm too busy with the schoolwork that I hate to join any clubs to make any potential friends. My older friends who act supportive never really talk to me unless I bug them to talk or hang out (I'm always the one who has to start talking otherwise they'll never interact with me) and I feel awful everytime I do talk to them because my depression isn't making me a fun guy (then again, I'm kind of a boring person all together). They're all doing so much amazing things in terms of their life, career, etc and they're making so many friends and I'm just....me. Just the same boring guy taking up unnecessary space in other peoples life. TLDR: I feel like a failure, a loser and a burden to people around me and my mental state gets worse day by day Kinda wondering if someone has felt similar before? Sorry, I'm not really good at vent writing and especially for a subreddit that I just found. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2292,"Title: How can I support my husband who is a survivor of sexual assault? Text: My husband and I have been together for almost 7 years. In our 3rd year of our relationship, he told me something he had never told anyone before - that he had been sexually assaulted when he was a boy. During this moment, the pain I saw in him is indescribable but there was also a moment of relief as this is something he had been “hiding” for approx. 15 years. After I found out, I spent weeks feeling purse sadness and hate towards the world, that someone I love more than anything had had that happen to him. From time to time we talk about the assault, on his terms (when he brings it up) and how he is feeling. He tells me he thinks about it everyday, but that he wants to use his experience as a “teaching moment” to other children, because he never wishes the pain upon anyone and wants kids to understand it’s nothing to be ashamed of. I am really so proud of him for having this perspective but I also understand that the pain will always be there too. We’ve talked about him seeing a therapist, but it’s not something he is interested in and I don’t want to push him, so I am wondering if anyone can share some suggestions on how I can further support him with this? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2293,"Title: i’m only allowed to be happy if I have something to be obsessed with Text: In a healthy way. Like just really into. It’s like I can distract my brain from all its bullshit when I have something else to think about all the time, but when I don’t I just sink back into my old crap. Unfortunately I’m also apparently only allowed to be super into something for two or three weeks and then I have to wait a few months for the next thing to roll around. So that’s nice :| For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2294,"Title: I haven't self harmed in 3 months Text: Honestly I feel much happier? I haven't been upset enough to self harm so I think I'm doing better. Even though I haven't sh I don't think it's something I'll completely quit I think it will always be a tool to help me cope. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 2295,"Title: I let my rapist have sex with me Text: No clue why. I still didn't want it. He wanted to apologize. We talked. He cried and I told him how much he hurt me. I was kind of in a daze during the whole conversation. At some point I realize he's saying he can do it without hurting me and would that be alright? I was confused but clearly recall saying no. But when he gently pushed me back onto the couch I let him. I cried but made no effort to push him off. I was screaming internally for him to stop but my mouth stayed closed while he slowly hag sex with me. Now there's no way I can go to the cops For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_ongoing Question 2296,"Title: is there a way to prep the skin Text: lately i feel like my skin is kinda dry and cutting feels more like scratching than a clean smooth cut. maybe it’s old razors but i was also thinking about using a moisturizer cream maybe so the razor would slide … would it be bad to the wound? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2297,"Title: what do I say when someone is asking why I have a bandage on my arm ? Text: Basically the title. My mom have to stay at my brother's house because of my dad and today I'm seeing her and my brother. The problem is : I relapsed. And my brother is always cold so is fucking hot here. I just purchased bandages to hide it because Jesus fucking christ I'm gonna be sick if I don't take my hoodie off. My boyfriend gave me his t-shirt so the scars above the elbow are hidden, same for the ones on the thighs. I plan on saying ""is my Halloween costume"" but I don't think it will work. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2298,"Title: antidepressants help Text: well ive been recommended to try using medication sush as Wellbutrin sr and Wellbutrin xl and idk anyone who tried so id like ur opinions on them and what u recommend For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2299,"Title: I hope i die in my sleep. Everyday. Text: Too tired for this shit. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2300,"Title: I'm getting the shotgun. BYE Text: I'm getting the shotgun, hiding outside with no one else around in some grown bushes, putting the gun in between my legs, calling the first responders on myself so nobody would have to find me, and I'm going eat it and blow my brains out. I can't live anymore. Everything is only worse with me being here. I can't live my whole life. I'm only 18, that's tooooo many years that I'll have to wait for me to die naturally. I've tried for so long, and I've concluded that I'm better dead. Thank you, Reddit for the memes and everything. You made me laugh from time to time which was great, but it's time for me to say goodbye. It's my time to go. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2301,"Title: Currently in a DV relationship Text: Its been 3 years now. And Ive faded away for sure. One of the hardest parts for me is the dramatically different state of mood change. Where one minute I'm trembling with fear and anguish and literally an hour later Id have to force myself to feel loving and happy as if nothing is wrong. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 2302,"Title: Help-Advice needed!!! Text: Hi all, I’m in recovery from sh, but my scars are all pretty obvious. I have nieces and nephews who are all pretty young (5yo-12yo) and I just recently moved to the state that they’re all in so I can finally meet some of them, and visit some of the others that I haven’t seen since I was a kid myself. The only issue is my scars, I’m not sure if the older ones have been informed about sh, and I know the younger ones haven’t. But I’m terrified of them asking what the lines are on my arms and legs, and I just don’t know what I would reply. If anyone has been in this situation before I’d really appreciate some advice or clever things to say in response to these totally normal questions. (And yes, I do plan to talk to my brothers and their wives before I say anything about my scars to the kids because I know it’s a touchy subject, just would like some foresight before going into all of that) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 2303,"Title: I feel confused and like I’m broken into fragments of myself that I can’t put back. Text: Last Friday I was home alone, 11 pm. My boyfriend usually goes to drink with his family at the local Mexican restaurant so he was gone. His sisters husband, let’s call him J, comes to my apartment almost every day to do his drug business (which I do not agree with). But today was different, I did my makeup and I put on a pretty dress for when my bf got home, I wanted to surprise him. But J ended up coming before him and we were talking about random things as usual. He started to get weird like bringing up if I’m a swinger and asking me if I like girls. He asked me a bunch of questions like that. I answered his questions politely but I said I like a bit of privacy when it comes to those things. So he asks if I could have a drink with him. He asked if I could shower with him… anyway, i oblige to the drink and as I’m pouring the drinks he gets very close behind me, saying there’s a knife to my back and that “it won’t stab you but it’ll penetrate”… I was seriously trying to keep my cool like play as if it was all a joke. So I turn around and we cheers, I drink as fast as I could I get out of there. So I’m back in the living room and he asks if I want to go to applebees since his wife and my bf aren’t back. He wanted someone to go and I kept declining as well but I ended up giving in to make him stop. So we go and he keeps showing me off saying I’m his “side piece” and I keep nodding my head to the people letting them know that I am my own person. So as we’re driving back he shows me this woman who is trying to get with him, I told him I don’t recognize her and he tells me if you tell i will kill you. Throughout the whole thing he kept hinting that he’d hurt me. I told my bf but I asked for his discretion, I don’t want to die but I want his sister to know. She deserves to know. So my question is how? How do you put yourself back together. I feel so alone and trapped like it could happen again if im not always watching or being vigilant… in my own home. It’s just that if I say I don’t want him in the apartment anymore he would know why. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 2304,"Title: My maintenance man drugged and assaulted me for a year Text: I guess this is more of a bit of a question as I can't seem to find anything online....anyways i lived in an apartment for a year and I would come home to my deadbolt locked when I didnt lock it, stuff not where I left it, woke up naked when I went to bed fully clothed, woke up to the maintenance man standing over my bed watching me....etc. my mental health took a really terrible turn....like verge of insanity. I felt like i was going insane. Anyways long story short 4 year later my therapist thinks my maintenance drugged me and raped me for the year I lived there. I have no memory of it but I was wondering if anyone else had had a similar experience because I have no memories now. Like of anything. No memories of my childhood or life or even like what happened yesterday. I feel even crazier now cause I don't even know anything about my life...just wondering if anyone knows the long term affects of drugging someone. Thanks. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2305,"Title: TW: Self harm | reasons for self harming Text: when family members found out about my self harm their automatic assumption was that it’s for a release i find that’s a lot of people assumptions and i don’t why everyone on this planet self harms but in my situation at the beginning it was for a range of reasons which were specific to the situation at hand sometimes about punishing myself or just being able to feel something or to distract myself from emotional pain and even sometimes for a release but as i’ve got older (i started at 12) and it’s become more frequent it’s mostly about comfort as it’s been a constant for most of my life it’s the certainty in it i don’t know if any of you have similar experiences or a view on the whole release thing but feel free to comment your view or why you did or do self harm (i am in no way trying to disregard those who do self harm for said releases i am only trying to express my experience and view) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2306,"Title: Advice please. Creeped out at work. Text: I'm not sure of this is the best subreddit to post this under, I tried posting it under a few employment subreddits but the post was taken down by mods a few times. Okay, I am going to give a little back story. I just started a job a few weeks ago at a restaurant and one of my coworkers who is significantly older than I am talks to me a lot and at first I kinda just thought he was being friendly but now it has started to escalate and I need to nip it in the bid but I just need some advice to see if I am actually reading too much into this or if I am right in feeling uncomfortable. So the past few shifts this man has made some strange comments about me, nothing inappropriate but saying I am pretty and smart and all... but also touching my shoulder. Not even touching like RUBBING my shoulder and he did this in front of our other coworkers and I just kinda ignored it and rolled my shoulder and then they were all looking at me and I was just kinda staring back with a blank ""WTF"" expression on my face. So I know I'm not the only one who thought it was weird. I avoid being in the back alone or even being near him at all now but today he was in the back and walked up to me and like almost hugged me but then stopped and just touched my shoulder and I literally just walked away to the front because it was so freaking weird. Anyway, under any other circumstance I would go to management but a few of the other female employees told me when I first started that the old AGM recently quit because our higher up managers were harassing her so I just don't know what to do. I really wouldn't like to quit because the money is good and everyone else is nice but if it comes down to it I am okay with finding another job. I just really don't want things to escalate because right now I feel uncomfortable but I don't want to feel UNSAFE which would definitely happen if I don't confront the issue soon. Advice?? TL;DR: Coworker touching me, management accused of harassment before, not sure how to confront the issue. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 2307,"Title: I don’t understand. Text: I’ve been cutting my self for 2 years now and I still don’t feel like my self harm is real. Every time I relapses I feel like I’m faking it all and I don’t understand why For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2308,"Title: Can someone talk to me? Text: Please For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2309,"Title: What's the problem? Text: It's sad when people asks you what's the problem. I don't know what is the problem I am currently affected. Like, I have so kany problems that I can't even answer what is the problem I am crying at the moment. I just want someone to listen all of my cryings and bawl. I know it's a lot and I'm sorry. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2310,"Title: well, fuck Text: So. I got pregnant when i was 18 years old. I started dating my boyfriend when i was 17. His was the first dick i had ever seen, let alone touched. I got pregnant right after i turned 18 years old. I had fooled around but hadn't had sex. I kept telling people, ""i haven't had sex"". No one fucking believed me. But i was taught that you can get pregnant from even looking at a penis, so i just accepted it. My boyfriend joined the military to support his child, and two years later we got married. When my child was a year and a half old, I learned that someone close to me had been raped and impregnated by someone else close to me. I worried that maybe that's what happened to me too. but i had no trauma. no memory of anything happening. no proof, so I thought I was crazy. Fast forward 7 years, i'm married to the presumed father of my child, we are in love, but i have unfounded doubts. So I finally convinced my husband to let me do a DNA test. We did. He is not the father. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. My first child and their sibling are half siblings. My first child and their cousin are half siblings. What the actual fuck, I was raped..and completely unaware. I had inklings, and clues, but no actual memories of the trauma. My child and their cousin are siblings. Both from rape. What the actual fuck. Tl;dr, I was raped in my sleep, completely unaware, and my child is a half sibling to their cousin For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2311,"Title: Is this sexual harassment? Text: I(F, 28) recently started going to a chiropractor (M, 50-60) for my TMJ disorder. I’ve never been to one before and I’ve always been hesitant to meet new doctors. My first two appointments went pretty well and the chiro seemed like a nice guy. There was an assistant (also F) in the room with him and I and at the end of the first appointment he would pat me on the shoulder or on the arm and it sorta made me uncomfortable but I didn’t take it to heart thinking the nerves of meeting a new doctor is what made me uncomfortable. At the 2nd appointment he had pat me on the outer thigh, while I was still lying down and about to get up. I was a bit more uncomfortable and had looked at the assistant and her and I made eye contact since she noticed what he did. Again, I didn’t really think much of it, but it did make me feel uncomfortable. The last appointment I went to, there was no assistant. It was just him and I and as I was laying there, when he would explain something to me he would stand very close to me where his upper thigh area was touching my arm. This happened twice and the second time I moved my arm because I did not feel comfortable at all! He has never said anything sexual to me and I have been trying to give him the benefit of the doubt thinking, “maybe he didn’t realize” or “maybe I am overthinking the situation” but the memory of it still haunts me and makes me uncomfortable to the point where I want to cancel my next appointment and find some other chiropractor that can work on my TMJ. Am I just overthinking this situation? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 2312,"Title: Is this sexual harassment? Text: There's a guy I met through text via my partner who he knew at work and would possibly be able to get me a job in his department. I only ever messaged him for this reason but it felt like quickly we became friends or good aquantences. At some point he was talking about how I should come to a party with him and come with my bf. He asked me if I had an outfit and I was like well I've got a dress and some heals. He was like is it sexy? So he wanted a picture of me with it on to determine if it's sexy. I was confused why he needed this but he would insist that he was helping me. This turned into him asking about how my sex life is going and then he would give unwanted sexual advice and I would tell him and he would insist that he's helping me so it's fine. And he would try to sext me saying he was pretending to be my bf and asking how I would react. I felt this whole thing was super weird and unhelpful but he was like just go with it this is to help you with your bf. So I went with it but I was also telling him that it didn't make sense to me to do something I'd feel absolutely guilty of doing. I had 0 sexual interest in him yet I feel like I did something horrible. I let him take control over me and ""help"" me when I explained multiple times that I didn't want it. Honestly idk if I should straight up ignore him if he messages me again or tell him again that I don't want his help For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 2313,"Title: I'm so tired Text: Hi I'm M22, I'm so tired from life, I was born in a below average income family I've always wanted a lot of things when I was a kid, when I become 16 my parents got divorced and I moved out with my mom, we live with no electricity, now I'm 22 I'm at university and I work with a minimum wage, I'm also forced to join the track team in the university because I'm fast and I got 50% discount when I signed with them, every day I walk 1 and a half hours to the university and I have to train and go to work. I also want a girl to love I want someone to be there for me but I know I can't afford to love a girl plus I got cheated on in my last rlt. I'm literally sick and tired right now but I still trained and worked but didn't visit a doctor because I want to save some money Incase I started dating someone. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2314,"Title: i really wanna die Text: god i want to die so bad. if only i was not the eldest kid or the good kid with responsibilities. i want to die so bad. i wish i was one of my younger siblings, i'd have died ages ago For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2315,"Title: Living with landlord he has offered me money for sexual favours from my gf in expletive form via text stupid idiot. Text: I need some advice already spoken to police need more advice. Myself and my girlfriend moved into my buddy's house he owns 4 months ago as we had been looking for a new place since our landlord sold our rental 12 months ago. My so called friend makes a lot more money than I do by a mile and lives a comfortable life working for banks in investments. He drinks alone often and does cocaine at least 2 times a week and if he is drunk he has texted me late at night offering me and my girlfriend money for her to go to his room..WTF...Of course I told him to behave and it's not happening and don't ask me again ever..He apologized and the next day I told him again dont ever do that shot again Seven days later he did it again and again a week later and one more time just recently and every time I tell him he is being totally disrespectful and that because it's repeated behaviour so obviously I am very uncomfortable about it and we can't live together...I have not told my girlfriend his requests as it would be hard on her as she has borderline personality disorder and OCD and is a victim of childhood abuse. Thanks for taking the time reading this and any advice would be appreciated we live in Ontario Canada. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 2316,"Title: friends being harassed at work. Text: I (23m) work in a factory, the majority of employees are men. Recently, I switched to a different shift, and promoted to machine p. There's these two female (21, and mid-30s)packers on my new shift. Now part of the packers job is stacking boxes on pallets. These boxes weigh 30-60 lbs, and some of the pallets get stacked 7-8 ft high. So when I get some downtime, I go over to their machine and help them lift boxes. Now I'm not really trying to get anything out of this, just being nice. I do like these girls and consider them friends, and ngl they are pretty hot. Sometimes I do get a little flirty with them, but nothing overbearing or that would make them uncomfortable. However some of my coworkers are getting jealous. This has led to some unsettling comments and rumors. Nothing has been said directly to me, but the girls told me what they've been hearing (rumors of possible sexual relationships between the 3 of us, jabs at my character and ability to do my job, and cruel comments eg.:""the only reason anyone would be nice to you is to get in your pants"") There's also one machine operator there who constantly stares at and hits on these girls, and others in the past(which I've directly witnessed). His wife also works there and tries to start problems with the girls he hits on. This has led to at least one or two people switching shifts or quitting already. They've already tried reporting this behavior to the shift supervisor and floor manager and been laughed off. This week they plan to go to the ceo and report it, and want me as a witness. I'm worried about what repercussions I might face if I do help them go through this. Is this definitely harassment? Should I be worried about finding a new job? Do we have enough evidence? What is the likelihood that anything will even be done about this? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2317,"Title: I’m not sure if what happened to me is rape or not. Text: I explained what happened to me to a counsellor at my college. The first time I told him, a session later he used the word “molested”, but when it happened I felt compelled to say yes, and other times I nodded or said nothing. I brought it up again on Wednesday, and I feel like there’s this weight on my shoulders because I don’t know what to make of what happened to me. I don’t want to use the word “rape.” For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 2318,"Title: Is it sexual harassment? Idk what to do,, advice? Text: Not even a hour ago I had a higher up employee come talk to me about sex saying he was a gentleman and a expert etc… I’m 19 and he did this a few months ago when I was 18 as did another higher up… I’m scared to report it because the company I work for has fired females who spoke up about it… and I really need this job idk what to do For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 2319,"Title: im okay with the thought now Text: i know what i need to do and im not scared anymore. its comforting to me. im so curious what the other side looks like. i wonder if my family will find my posts. what will my friends say? i hope they dont hate me. i hope they know i tried to live. that im not giving up For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2320,"Title: Finally able to breathe Text: Yesterday I served him with a restraining order in our joint home. He had to move out and I get a year without him to start putting my life back together. He was just beginning to get physically abusive but it was mostly verbal. When I went before the judge for the restraining order she said ""I have no questions for you, I read everything you submitted. I'm granting you the restraining order and I feel if I don't you are in imminent danger."" Now he's been served and is out and we can rebuild without him. Me and the kids have been smiling and laughing all day. The air feels lighter. It's sad that he isn't here to share it with us. But he just wasn't able to get himself together (mental health). I wish he was here with us, but the healthy version of him, not the controlling mean one. I miss him but only parts of him. I'm finally able to breathe. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2321,"Title: Changing in highschool Text: In highschool are we required to change with other people in the change rooms before and after P.E? (I'm a girl). I only have scars on my arms but I have a couple of styros and probably hundreds of baby cuts. If we have no choice to change, could we at least have a private stall? I'm going to highschool next year and I don't want anyone seeing so if I could have any advice on how to avoid or hide it that would be great thanks. Edit: I have scars and cuts, for some reason I get the two confused. I especially don't want the cuts to be seen because I don't want anybody telling the counsellor. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2322,"Title: Sexual harrassment at work Text: So I recently graduated University and started a job as a nurse. There is this other male who recently graduated and started on the job around the same time as me. I had briefly met him in between shifts before this because we work opposite shifts (him day and me night), but he didn't start to act weird until last Sunday when he was the one coming in to take over for me at the end of my shift. He asked me on a date and and I just kind of laughed it off as a joke, and then when I mentioned that I was super tired and would be going to bed right when I get home, he laughed and said ""Take me home with you, I'll sleep on the floor."" I thought this was weird and I definitely feel that asking a coworker on a date in a professional setting and then making weird jokes about wanting to come home with me is strange, but I guess at the time I didn't feel like he had crossed too many lines, at least not enough for me to report him to HR. I also figured what are the chances that I will actually work with the guy? We work opposite shift after all. But just a few days ago, my work was short staffed and they were pretty desperate for someone to come in, so they started to call the day shift people. He ended up coming in and working a hall while I worked the other. I had a med-aid with me up until about 10 pm, and he really didn't say anything to weird while she was there. I had been warned by her right before he came in that this guy was strange and had said weird stuff to her and some other employees, but not enough to report him or anything. Well, come about 10pm, we were completely alone on the hall with two CNA's staffed all the way at the other end of the hall out of earshot. This is when things started getting weird. He asked me if I would ever want to go out with him and get a drink sometime, and I went ahead and assumed he was just being friendly with me. I said ""Yeah... I maybe would, I'm really busy though and we work opposite shifts normally, so I don't have much time."" He seemed a little shocked that I kind of agreed, but I said it believing it was strictly on friendly terms at that point. From that point on, he kept asking me to go out places on dates with him, for my social media, even my friends social media. He had even suggested going on a date with him, me, and one of my friends, to which I declined saying that would be weird. To clarify, I am not good with being assertive or confrontational, so I mostly was unresponsive to his advances and kind of laughed them off/nicely shot them down. He began to get weirdly sexual in his remarks. When I went to go get string cheese from the fridge, he asked if it was any good, and I remarked that it was really creamy. He said in a suggestive voice ""you must really like creamy things."" When we were talking about holidays we had off, I mentioned that I was going to try to switch someone off for Halloween so I could spend it with some friends, and he said ""what, are you going to dress as a slutty nurse or a slutty Cat?"" When I was talking about how I was the youngest of 6, he said ""I'm not asking you on a date or anything, but it's really weird because I always date girls that are the youngest in their family."" Furthermore, when he remarked that 6 kids was a lot and I said I don't think I would want 6 kids, he said ""Your mom must not have liked to swallow"" followed by ""I don't know a lot of women who do"". After this I didn't know what to say, so I kind of stopped talking and looked back at my computer. After this, he said ""well I guess that conversation is over."" He eventually said ""I realize some of the things I've said tonight are really weird"" and I said ""yes, you have said some extremely weird things."" When I came out dressed in my covid gear (my PPE), he said ""oh, cute"" when he looked over at me. I guess he had friended the med-aid from earlier in the shift on social media, because he was talking about how slutty she was in her photos. He also mentioned how he knew a girl who had ""let herself go and gained like 40 pounds"" and how that was a shame because she was attractive. There was a whole lot more that he said, that was just the weirdest stuff I can think of right now. I deliberated on it for a few days, and I eventually went ahead and decided to email HR, but I am scared that they will think I was somehow compliant in his advances because I didn't really do much to tell him to stop. I am waiting for HR to get back to me because it's a weekend and I don't work until tomorrow. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 2323,"Title: Fucking hate being suicidal Text: I can’t handle how I’m suicidal,so my friend Isabelle she gave me this suicidal card for like therapy and I wanted to call it but I threw it away For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2324,"Title: Do these sound like obsessive thoughts? Text: All my obsession I’ve had does this sound like obsessive thoughts? Fears of 2022 in the past year…religious,experation dates,bugs,dying,schizophrenia,psychosis,being a pedo,what if I’m gay,circumsion,paranoid I stink constantly,what if my family dies,worried the world gone end,worried imma kill someone by accident…I worried bout each for anywhere from 1-3 weeks or months they are What if this happens?What if I have that?what if I am that? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2325,"Title: I actually tried this morning. Text: I used a cable tie and watched my face turn purple before I panicked and cut it off. I'm a terrible person. I've burned every bridge through these cycles of what I'm pretty sure are manic episodes. My mom won't talk to me anymore. I live with my dad and my brother, they tolerate me at best. What's worse is I have a child who I can hardly take care of. I have no friends. No job. No degree. I just sit inside with my toddler all day. I can't even manage to go grocery shopping myself, leaving the house feels unbearable. I'm a huge burden to everyone. Going to try again tonight when everyone's asleep, hopefully this time does it. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2326,"Title: All I want is someone to hug please Text: I just want a hug For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2327,"Title: Sexual Harassment in the US military Text: Hi, i want to create this discussion to talk about these stories... our stories. We’re not just another statistic, this IS as serious AND traumatizing as sexual assault. I don’t mean that to degrade either traumatizing event. I am struggling to cope with what happened to me and i hope others can share too, maybe this will help us cope. You’re not alone, we’re not alone. Here is my story: Im stationed in an air force base in the country of my dreams, the airmen in my office (E-4 and below) were all in tech school with me so it was like i was living the perfect life. I considered them my closest friends, they were like family. I mean, we were all single airmen living in the dorms together and doing literally everything together like spending the holidays with each other and taking road trips. There was this airman, let’s call him P, who was always a little inappropriate but no one called him out on it, even if it made us uncomfortable. Mind you, this happened at work in front of our NCOs and ranking company most of the time. I was closest to him though, we went on many trips just as two and i considered him like a brother. I chalked up his behavior to his rough childhood. Anyways, i went on leave and left a trusted female airman in my shop in charge of my room since i had a fish that needed to be cared for. Without telling or asking me, she let 2 male airmen into my room, both from my shop and one being P. They both said inappropriate and sexual comments about me until the female airman tried getting them to stop, but P made even worse comments and then started going through all my drawers and dressers. The areas he was searching contained my intimate clothing, he said he was looking for sexual toys. The female airman said she had to physically remove his hands from my intimates drawer but he continued to be disturbing and laid in my bed asked disgusting sexual questions. She eventually physically removed them. So, this all happened while i was on leave and i wasn’t supposed to find out. Apparently, my supervisor was trying to hide that happening even though she reported it to him and it was clear sexual harassment along with numerous other wrongs. I know he tried hiding it from me because when i was in a car with P and another female airman, he told me what he did in my room. I thought he was joking until i asked the female airmen what happened and she told me everything, including that my supervisor tried covering this up by “counseling” the airmen for their wrongdoing. P went on to sexually harass me, humiliate me and have random inappropriate outbursts IN the workplace while IN uniform. I eventually reported this to my shirt but nothing happened. Supposedly there was an investigation but i never received a conclusion. Then there was another investigation that resulted in a no contact order i had to fight for and my being removed from my previous workplace to an even more toxic area. All P got was a slap on the wrist. I was and still am being retaliated against, i was literally shunned for exposing him because he’s a squadron favorite. My “friends” and previous flight chose him over me, even though he publicly sexually harassed me. Before you waste your breathe, yes i’ve reached out to every agency possible TWICE. yes, i’ve tried to motion for an expedited transfer and that resulted in my receiving a suspicious and coincidental punishment that doesn’t allow me to leave this base under any circumstance other than EMERGENCY leave. If you have any advice, i’m all ears but at this point i’m just venting to help me cope. I don’t know if anyone has heard anything about this but there is an act in the works for all military personal called the I Am Vanessa Guillen act. Anyone know if this act will apply to cases of sexual harassment prior to the passing of said act? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 2328,"Title: Vivid dreams of my SA//advice? Text: Ever now and then I’ll have a time when I have reoccurring vivid dreams back to when I was SA’d. The dreams have come back again since moving away to college. It’s been a month here and they started soon after I arrived. I’m assuming it the move and being in a new environment that I’m generally anxious in. Everywhere I go I’m on edge and my dreams reflect that. I keep having nightmares. Detailed replays of the night I was raped. Every emotion , feeling, thought, smell, everything is in the dreams. I wake up from them panicked and terrified. Sometimes my partner catches it and is able to wake me up but it’s not always the case. I know I suffer from PTSD as a result of the SA. My mind and body are traumatized from it and I have to live with it forever. I don’t get good sleep at all. I’m falling back into a depression and I just need someone to relate to. It’s so frustrating and scary for me. Any advice or similar experiences would be helpful. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2329,"Title: Overdose Text: Nothing much, depression acting up, being severe again, I’m very much considering overdosing tonight on ibuprofen, doubt I’ll die unfortunately because this will be like the 3rd or 4th time. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2330,"Title: My dad hit me and my mom does nothing Text: Today is Halloween so I’m happy to see my grandma (we do this every year) So I was asking my mom when we are going to see her, she then ignored me and said “get your socks on” and I didn’t want to at the moment (because we still had an hour till we went.). My “dad” I will refer to him as “will” came in, I knew my mom would always say something to him, so I prepared. My mom said that I was being disrespectful so she told will to “punch me/ kick me”. Wich he did and I fell to the ground, my moms excuse for this is “I didn’t know he was gonna hit you that hard”. And she then calls me dramatic. Will drags me to my room and knees my stomach and here I am now. What do I do? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",childabuse_endangerment_ongoing Question 2331,"Title: If you live in America, Good luck with affording Mental Health Perscriptions Text: Speaking from my own personal experiences, America doesn't care about your mental health. Do you need a new SSRI that's come out in the past 10 years that helps you a lot? How about you pay over $1,000 for it? Oops, you need that medication to save your life and don't have insurance? Sorry, here in America we don't consider mental health (or health in general) important. So I guess that just means you'll just have to go without it. Guess you'll just have to worry every day of your life about whether or not you can afford basic mental health care. As of right now, I recommend to all of you in America to switch from your current pharmacy to Publix (or other cheap pharmacy) and get an RX card. I still can't afford Trintellix, but at least Lexapro has been around long enough to afford it. I'm so happy to have grown up in a conservative family that never got me mental health/ADHD help ever until I'm an adult so that now I can't afford it. It makes me so happy to be in a SOcIEty that belives my mental health isn't' important and that I should just ""suck it up"" and get back to work which I can't because of covid-19. :DDDDD For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2332,"Title: Five months clean today!! Text: im very happy to announce this since this is the lo gest ive ever been clean. i went from a time of cutting every morning before school and every night to being 5 whole months clean. im extremely proud of myself for coming this far and i hope to make it last. the things that made me want to stop was that if i didnt, i would probably be dead. i didnt like the mentality and hiding my problems from everyone. granted i do still hide my problems but thats just another stage of my journey. hope the best for you <3 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 2333,"Title: It’s crazy how much joy of life can be ripped from you and how no one really talks about how much of a problem lonliness is . In every piece of media everyone has friends and a partner . It’s just expected for a normal human to have a social life Text: It’s like Im suffering from a problem that no one knows or cares about . I mean why should they care ? They have friends and a healthy social life so they live in a complete different world . For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2334,"Title: On the verge because of money issues Text: I’m in so much debt that there doesn’t seem a way out. This is far by the worst of the worst in terms of money issues. It’s got to a point where it interferes with everything I do. I’m giving myself until 10/23. Highly considering going out by overdose of all my medications plus the bottles of advil that I have and a bottle of tequila. That or go out with a bang with my stepdads pistol. We’ll see… For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2335,"Title: How to stop panic attacks in public? Text: I sometimes have panic attacks in public for God knows what reason. It comes out of nowhere and I feel like I might pass out. It's very embarrassing to say the least but I have no idea how to stop them. How do I relax and know it's all going to be okay? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2336,"Title: Is it creepy to look at my crush's tiktok? Text: I found it cuz of me being obsessed, so like I'm pretty sure it's not healthy. But setting that aside, I can't tell if it's creepy or not. I'm leaning towards yes, enough that I feel self-loathing for even wanting to. Cuz she didn't intend for me to see that stuff. It feels private somehow. It feels like I'm getting a peek into her mind that I was never meant to, like if I read her diary or something. On the other hand though, I have very often beaten myself up for things that other people say are normal, it's not impossible that this is another such scenario. And she did post it on the internet, publicly, wanting people to see it (doing pretty good too, 4 digit subs) . So maybe its OK? It's not like she'd post something truly private if she's attaching her face/name to it and posting it for any random person to find, right? Idk, I'm still leaning towards it's creepy. What do you think? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2337,"Title: I finally stopped crying but im still heartbroken. Text: I found out i had brain cancer in 2020, cured it 2021, and I missed a ton of school before that too. I missed 6,7,half of 9,10, and jumped to the ending half of grade 11. It wasn't my choice, my dad...well he screwed me over. Anyways I just took the SAT and heard students talk about how I had cancer, and I immediately felt weird. I know I walk very differently (like I'm hammered) and it attracts attention. Well. It did. After I got up to get the calculator I needed, I practically fell into my seat, (I have eye diseases too.) And I let my hair cover my face as I cried silently, shaking violently, and tried to do my math test that I know I'm set up to fail. I've always had anxiety, and I usually can keep it down, but being around kids my age after so long and remembering just how much of an alien I feel like...it broke my heart. I hid my self harm scars so I doubt they saw, but jesus, I haven't cried like this in so long. Edit: To be clear, the surgery caused my weird walk, it was in the medulla. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 2338,"Title: I went the councelling today! Text: Such a small step, but I did it Edit: Thank you all for giving me good vibes and support!! This blew up a lot more than I expected! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2339,"Title: How do you have sex after a rape Text: Please bear with me I’ve tried to write this so many times and this is the best I could write Im more then happy for people to ask me questions if you want to understand anything more (For reference I lost my virginity to a rape a few years ago and was so scared when it happened that I froze so I couldn’t move or say no) Over the years I’ve accepted that it happened and I’m dealing with it to the point where I can live a happy life and don’t talk or really think about it However it was only recently when I started talking to a guy that I like that I realised I have no idea how to have sex from kissing to actually having intercourse and the guy knows that I hadn’t have much sex due to a bad experience however I have no idea how to tell him what actually happened as I’m so scared since people don’t understand how I basically let it happen I really do want to try to have sex again as I don’t want to spend my life being scared of sex but I’m so worried because what happens if when I try again that I freeze and then it happens again For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2340,"Title: feeling lonely but having people around Text: I've always thought how funny that is. I'm what you'd call a ""cute"" girl I have family I have a boyfriend I have ""friends"" So, why do I feel so lonely inside? Since I can remember I've felt like no one really cares about me. Like there's something wrong with me that doesn't fit with ""socially acceptable"" or ""cool"" people and make them leave me. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong, I just wanna hang out, talk about things and help other people. But the more I try the less I get it. The more I let people to get to know me more they think of me like I'm ""weird"" or ""Boring"". My friends won't talk to me, my family wouldn't call me unless they need something and my boyfriend is the only one there, but he doesn't really understand how I feel. I feel like I have to pretend to be someone that I'm not in order to be liked or noticed and that fucking hurts. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2341,"Title: I’m always the outcast Text: Whenever it comes to any type of community I’m always the black sheep it’s always my fault It’s always me that gets picked on out of a group of any size I’m so tired of this shit that I just want to die. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2342,"Title: Would anyone notice? Text: Truly, aside from the initial pain of losing someone, would anyone's life be different? Everyone and everything moves on. That's the nature of it. After someone deals with my debts, savings, belongings, and settles back into regularly scheduled programming... Would anyone think of me outside of the anniversary, or my birthday? I am so tired of feeling like this. The anxiety and dread of my life, the monotony, feeling trapped. I wish it would just end. Life will never be what I want it to be. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2343,"Title: i hate how intrusive my mom is Text: She had good intentions but she doesn't get that it doesn't help when she constantly asks to see my arms or why im wearing long-sleeves in the house i feel like i have no privacy around her and when i tell her to stop asking about it she always says the ""its for your own good"" or something like that it only makes it worse when she constantly reminds me that i sh my dad is pretty chill about it he never asks about it and they think that I've been clean for about a month now because they think its only on my arm but since i was stupid enough to cut my arm again if they find out they'll find out about my legs and if they see that I'll definitely get admitted i just wish that my mom could since that i hate when she talks about it For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2344,"Title: I told my abusive narcissistic sadist of a mother to “Fuck off, eat the shit that comes out of your mouth & die painfully you sadistic cunt!” Right before cutting contact with her. Text: My mother has been cruel, verbally, emotionally, psychologically & physically abusive ever since I can remember. For example when I was diagnosed with schizophrenia & severe depression when I was 7, she took a tarantula from outside, threw me in a closet, threw the spider in & locked me in there while screaming like a banshee. That 8 legged monstrosity bit me 5 times before I passed out from fear. When I woke up, there were 4 more bites. She always made me her scapegoat. The first out of my 9 suicide attempts took place when I was 9 years old. When she found out that I started cutting myself, she severely beat me & called me a mistake. Years have passed & after starting to see a psychiatrist, I was diagnosed with severe PTSD & a severe anxiety disorder. I tend to drink to cope with my problems. If anyone were to personally ask me how I would describe myself, I’d say, “Damaged beyond recovery & broken beyond repair.” I barely sleep in fear of yet again reliving my past in my nightmares. I’m 24 now & I’ll be 25 this year. Damn, to those who read this post, I need to know. Was I wrong to tell her off like that? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","suicideideation_active_past, selfharm_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 2345,"Title: i hope i don't mess up my life again Text: Tomorrow i will be going on my last school trip. And i am scared that i will fuck things up again. None of my school trips have been great. I prepare a lot for everything to go right but smtg just messes up everything at the last moment. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2346,"Title: I just had the most brutal relapse. Text: Today has been horrible.. I had a bad work shift . I put a two weeks notice in.. I drove my own girlfreind to a suicide attempt.. They almost died because I was being too harsh about an issue a few months ago.. a big issue mind you. But still... They had...idek what to call it anymore... Idk if it was considered cheating or not Idk what to believe But. They refused to admit that they did that night... I kept pushing...and pushing..They were convinced eventually...they tried to take their own life because of me... So...naturally after calling 911 to get an ambulance for them. I relapsed. Hard. My arms are covered in fresh cuts My thighs have a few. Because I almost drove the one I love the most to suicide... I'm a fucking idiot. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2347,"Title: Sex has lost all meaning in relationships since rape Text: I’m curious if others have this experience as well. I’ve been raped more than once in my life. Since even the first happened, sex lost it’s meaning. The relationships I’ve been in since lacked a lot of emotion from me. It’s tricky to explain but sex isn’t felt as a big deal to me. It’s no longer something special to do only when in love. It’s something I do to make my partner happy. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2348,"Title: I posted this yesterday afternoon to r/offmychest. I’m not sure if it belongs here or how to define what happened. I really need some support please.. Text: I was assaulted this morning.. I’m trying to collect my thoughts. I knew him, I decided to hang out with him. He said we could get breakfast and hang out and I could meet his new dog. He picked me up around 10am. He hugged me when I got into his vehicle. He kept grabbing my hand as he was driving and holding it, I left my hand limp. I didn’t want to be all touchy feely and I kept telling him all this was too much and that things felt weird and he just said “don’t let it be weird.” We stopped to pick up breakfast. He kept trying to get me to kiss him but I kept turning my face and telling him that it was all too much right now. We picked up breakfast and went back to his place. We sat down and ate a bit at his place. He stood up. He took my hand and pulled me into him. He kept telling me to look at him and I did. I held his face in my hands. I let him kiss me. I kissed him back. Then things escalated, I told him I didn’t want to do all that. He said we don’t have to. He led me to his room, we sat on the bed, I laid back and he laid beside me. I don’t remember all that he was saying to me. He started to kiss me again and touch me. He got on top of me. I froze and tried to keep my legs closed, he pushed my legs open with his knee. He was grinding himself against me and moaning. I kept looking out his window above his bed. I told him I didn’t want to do this. I told him to stop. He said stop what? I said I don’t want to do this. He pulled my top and my bra down and was touching me and licking my breasts. He asked me if I liked it and I said no and I wanted to stop, he said he just wanted to do this. He said he wasn’t going to have sex with me. He pulled me on top of him. I had pulled my bra and my shirt back up. I kept looking up at the window. He kept telling me to look at him. I looked at him. His hands were all over my body. I couldn’t move, I was frozen. He pulled my shirt and bra down again and was putting my breasts into his mouth. I kept telling him I didn’t want to do this. He said for me to stop fighting it. He said he just wanted to lick me. He flipped me back on to my back and he was kissing me. He started to tug on my pants. I kept trying to pull at my pants trying to stop him from taking them off. He pushed my hands away. He pulled my pants and underwear off. I tried to keep my legs closed, he pushed them open. I proceeded to do oral on me. I shut my eyes and tears began to fall. I was silent. Then I heard him unbuckling his pants and taking his clothes off. He got back on top of me. I kept saying no. He pushed himself inside me. I kept saying no, no. I cried harder, saying stop. When I started sobbing loudly, he pulled out. He kept telling my to please not be upset and kept asking me what was wrong. I was telling him that I don’t want to do this and I want to go. He kept pulling me into him and saying lay down with me and let’s cuddle. He tried to go down on me again and I was trying to push him away and again repeating no please stop. Eventually he stopped. I was crying. I repeatedly told him I just wanted to go. He kept apologizing and asking me not to be mad at him. I feel so filthy and ashamed. I tried to push through the rest of the day. Went to work. Pretend it didn’t happen. But I couldn’t. I had a breakdown at work and started crying. Had to leave early.. I just don’t know anymore. I can’t tell anybody what happened which is why I’m posting this here. I don’t know what to do. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_ongoing Question 2349,"Title: I think mental health is a great subreddit because people come to places like these with humility and honesty. This is one place we are all the same. Text: When people talk about mental health we are talking about something we all share and need. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2350,"Title: The tears don’t come, am I broken? Text: I feel shattered inside, there’s so much to cry and be sad about but my body just doesn’t allow it to be released. I want to cry so bad but I’ve never been able to. It hurts to hold all this in, I just want to unload. Sorry for the rant/vent, don’t have anywhere else to go :/ For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2351,"Title: What should I do? Text: I am finally divorcing. I saved up money and served him the papers. It was pretty damn scary because our marriage was not a fairytale. He admitted his abuse to his family and they gave him a slap on the hand, hoping I’d give him a chance and stay. For our kids, hell no. I left the home, made it peaceful as possible to reduce the risk of putting a target on our heads. In the meantime, I got diagnosed with ptsd and nerve damage. Wasn’t able to walk on my own for an entire year. I took physical therapy. Anything to push myself harder to raise my kids with my own two feet. Three years passed. He’s backing down and willing to pay child support and I get primary custody. But I want the justice that I and his other victims deserve. I don’t want to another life to be ruined He goes to jail and he’ll lose his job, and won’t be able to support his parents. And then, the in laws will lose a lot of things. Idk. I’m afraid of causing more problems For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2352,"Title: Male Victim of Domestic Violence - Never Thought I'd Be Experiencing This and IDK How to Process What Happened Text: **Backstory**: I (25M) started dating a girl (23F), and she moved to a different state. I thought we had a future together and I moved too, leaving my friends and family. We signed a lease together, but in the end, we didn't end up working out. Together for about 1.5 years. Looking back, we had an unhealthy relationship, and I would even go to call it an emotionally abusive relationship at times from my perspective. Anyways, we decided to be friends and civil since we lived together, which was nice for a while honestly. It felt normal. One night she had a bunch of pent up anger towards me. She was upset about our breakup, and how it seemed like I moved on so quickly with no pain, while she was heartbroken. This is accurate to say, I did move on fairly quickly by going on some casual dates. However, she was currently on anti-depressants and some alcohol was consumed by her that night. **Physical Violence:** She was playing with our dog, threw a toy and it hit her AirPods and they went flying somewhere. I could already feel tension, and did not help her find it. She snapped at me - ""a real friend would help me look for them"". Proceeded to throw punches at my face/head, kick me when I would try to hold her arms down, and threw the AirPods case/other objects at my head. Physically, I was okay. Ended up with a few bruises and some scratch marks on my neck. I knew I could not retaliate as I would be the one being charged with assault, so I just had to stand there and take it. **TW: Abuser Threatening Suicide**. She called her therapist immediately after, cried, and for some reason I agreed to talk to her therapist with her. At some point she told her therapist she was a 6/10 on ending her life. Immediately I forgave her, and hugged her. What happened to me was less important in that moment, I would never want anyone to harm themselves. **Coping:** For weeks, I personally had no anger towards the situation. We still hung out with our mutual friends like nothing happened. I was okay with it. Fast-forward a month or two to this week and feelings of anger and resentment are popping into my head. I am angry at myself for ignoring what really happened and sort of sweeping it under the rug like it's no big deal. I felt like since my injuries were not that severe, maybe it doesn't count towards domestic violence. Now, I'm realizing violence is violence. She is an abuser. Especially as a male, this doesn't get talked about much. I want to change that. **My Thoughts Now :** Should I be mad at myself for my initial reaction? I'm mad at myself for hugging her, I'm disgusted that I thought it was no big deal. I told a couple of our mutual friends about what happened shortly after the incident, and it seems like ""life goes on, I'll still be friends with her” is their mentality. It pisses me off how it seems like there are no consequences for what she did. I wish I filed a police report or did something legally. But I didn't. I think I want to share my story with all of our mutual friends and maybe go public on social media with it eventually? Am I dealing with this the right way? I'n not even sure. I just know I want there to be consequences for what she did. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2353,"Title: Is anyone else still struggling over a decade later? Text: I was raped at 19 and I’m now 31 and life hasn’t gotten much better. I’m in intensive therapy and I’m sober now and I got help for my eating disorder and cutting. So now I’m just starting to feel everything again, the trauma that I used alcohol and behaviors to numb out. But after twelve years, I can only see the lack of progress. I’m still afraid to date and haven’t really had sex other than the rape. I still feel ashamed and dirty and like my body isn’t mine. I have very few friends and I’m often extremely depressed because the rape changed my entire life and caused me to abandon my dreams. Every day feels so painful, but I feel like I should be beyond it after a decade. Can anyone relate? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, selfharm_past" Question 2354,"Title: I get to meet with the person who decide to not criminally charge my rapist Text: I got the news yesterday that crown counsel (like prosecuters where I am from) is willing to meet with me to discuss why they decided not to go forward with charges. My councillor told me it might be very hard to hear why and I definitely agree with her, but I think that regardless of what they say to me I am very excited at the opportunity to speak to somebody with a bit of power and let them know how I have been affected. Even if he isn't criminally charged, to have my voice heard by someone in government about how I walk around every day suffering with consequences of my rape while he walks around a free man and it's something that will affect me every day feels extremely therapeutic. At least somebody heard my voice and maybe they'll think of me next time they decide to let somebody drug and rape a 20 year old girl while they're 32 and get away with it. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2355,"Title: I need advice.. Text: I’m committing suicide tomorrow at school. But I need advice, I don’t want to die. Any advice would help… please… For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2356,"Title: what else can i do Text: im having a brekadown from my ED and overeating today. i really hate myself for it now and im feeling the urge to cut myself again. but i promised my bf i wont and i hate that ive been disappointing him. help. what else can i do to take my mind off of SH i really just want to die For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 2357,"Title: I don't want to live anymore Text: So basically I ended my relationship with my GF of 8 years 2 months ago because of severe relationship OCD and anxiety and as I was trying to get my life on track again, go to therapy and I tried to reconciliate with her four days ago, the answer was no. Her feelings are not there anymore, probably because she started to like someone else. I destroyed the only good thing I've ever had in my life, and it wasn't even me, it was my anxiety. I understand her, she gave me many chances and this was too much for her. The problem for me is that I don't see any motivation to continue with my life, I can't eat, I can't read, I can't even watch TV, I can't talk with anyone, every minute of my day is starting to be unbearable suffering. I just don't want to feel anything anymore, but I'm so far not brave enough to do it. I don't want to hurt my family as well, but I just don't know what to do and only thing I'm starting to think about and that is calming me down is how to do it and that I'm not going to be in pain anymore. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2358,"Title: I’m spiralling Text: I’ve been spiralling for a few weeks. Sh has started getting worse and the urges and s thoughts are getting so much fcking worse. I just wanna be okay but I don’t know how. Nothing makes me happy anymore. Everything hurts and I’m so fucking tired. I don’t know how to do this. I need a hug :( For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 2359,"Title: Question Text: So I was cutting and went a bit too deep than my usual. It is deeper than the dermis but I dont think its fat. I am not sure tho. It wont hurt to go deeper like actually I made a few more moves with the blade and I didnt feel anything. It gapes and kinda yellowish? Dıd I hit fat? Do I need to take care of it other than my usual? (I just tie a piece of clothe around the wound and go on with my day) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2360,"Title: anybody wanna play minecraft with me? Text: like i have nobody to play with😭😭😭😭 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2361,"Title: How does someone become addicted to self-harm? Text: I mean, obviously I don't want to, but how does that happen? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2362,"Title: My Best Friend raped me Text: My best friend is a guy that I've never been attracted to and I haven't seen him in an entire year because of the pandemic. We finally hung out last night and he was excited to show me how much weight he had lost since he'd pretty much spent the entire year working out. I was happy for him and told him he looked great. He was being kind of weird but I let it go. He ended up spending the night, crashing on my couch as he's done plenty of times before. But I woke up to him in bed next to me caressing my breasts. He climbed on top of me and unbuckled his pants. I begged him to stop but he just whispered that it would be ok. It felt like he was inside me forever. He kept telling me how much he loved me and how he started working out just for me. Im now doubting myself thinking I must have led him on somehow because he didn't seem to think he was doing anything wrong For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_ongoing Question 2363,"Title: nothing is enjoyable anymore Text: 21f the numbness is killing me.. I can't feel a thing anymore just this suffocating misery. I just wanna be put out of my misery.. it's only fucking humane. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2364,"Title: Question Text: Have you ever told a friend about your sexual harassment and had them say ""Sounds like that person is just a jerk, it's not sexual harassment. ""? I hate that. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2365,"Title: My doctor didn't want to listen to me Text: I am diagnosed bipolar, ADHD, PTSD, and GAD. After moving back to Louisiana(Acadiana area), it took me a few months to go out and set up appointments for new doctors, since my experience in Texas wasn't all that great. I went there optimistic, thinking that they'd at the bare minimum listen to my concerns, and at least provide me with referrals to a psych who has experience with adult autism and ADHD. I've done so much research in the past 2 years on what I feel and how I perceive things and how I interact (and have interacted) with the world and people around me; the concern/assumption that I very likely have ASD isn't just out of nowhere or from relatable videos. I even said that to her. Guess what happened when I asked \*pulls out old DSM-5 handbook\* ""Well you don't look autistic"" ""Well bipolar can also affect motivation, concentration, and focus"" I tried so hard to explain and list off things to the best of my ability. When someone asks me a direct question I immediately start to fumble, forget, sweat, get anxious, and can just ramble instead of saying what I actually want. Always had the issue of being unable to properly express what I'm thinking and feeling when asked directly. I made a spreadsheet of all the things I feel and experience. And I told her I did. I wanted to show her so I didn't have to talk and list off everything like a laundry list and then have to explain them even further (because I freakin can't). But I had to. She even said ""because you can talk to me"" after she said ""you don't look autistic"" and I literally said ""because I have to"" Like, how else am I going to get referred to another doctor and get assistance for my ongoing diagnoses if I don't talk at all? I don't understand how a medical professional can be so outdated in their understanding and knowledge, even about ADHD. She said she'd refer me to a therapist- haven't heard anything back about that. Nothing said about my anxiety. All she cared about was talking about my bipolar. Which I get right... it's not like it's like ""oh its just bipolar its nothing."" It's serious and debilitating and it was one of the big crutches in my life alongside the other undiagnosed issues. But it's not what I went there for. I knew I was bipolar since I was like... 19? I'm 30 now. Everything else had been a mystery until 2 years ago. I don't know. I sobbed all day yesterday out of frustration and I'm still trying to recover from the past 2 days of scheduling that shitty appointment then going to it just to be shut down for the third time. I've done this twice before- seeking professional help. But every time even the smallest thing goes a way I don't like I just leave it completely instead of speaking out because it's impossible for me to speak out. Just thinking about advocating for myself gives me so much anxiety that I feel like I'm going to panic. I always feel stupid, ignorant, uninformed, and like I'm faking everything, despite knowing full well I took all the time and precautions necessary when I started even thinking that I had anything other than bipolar. When they ask me the direct question ""why do you think you have this"" I short circuit and can't even begin to form the right thoughts let alone words. I feel so trapped and alone and unheard... why is this so hard. :/ (I made this acc so I could vent here lol) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2366,"Title: My counterpart is trying to promote an employee who recently sexually assaulted a subordinate. I am trying to stop this from happening and plan on dying on this hill if I have to. Text: I (24F) am a district manager at a company that has 2 district managers. My counterpart (33M) was hired for this position and I was promoted from a store manager position a few months ago. When I was a store manager, my boss hired an assistant manager (29M) for my against my recommendation. A few months after he was hired, the whole team was invited to a staff members birthday party. At this party, the assistant manager got blackout drunk and sexually assaulted our newest staff member (23F) in front of the entire team. He cornered her and insisted that she hug him even though she said she didn’t want to and when she finally gave in, he started kissing her neck. She started yelling at him and told him to never ever touch her again. Besides the sexual harassment, he has not been a great employee and regularly orders incorrectly. Even the staff at other stores have mentioned that he annoys them. After this incident, my boss decided that we should not terminate him and give him another chance, so instead he received a final write up. I insisted for months that the staff member who was assaulted should not have to work with him and his transfer finally went through. Now that I am in a district manager role, part of my job is to promote assistant managers to store managers and since this person got transferred about a week ago, he is not in my district anymore and is under the supervision of my counterpart. We are currently looking to fill about 3-4 store manager positions and we agreed to give him an interview just to give everyone who applies an equal opportunity. However, he interviews very well and my counterpart wants to give him a chance. Our boss now doesn’t even address me when talking about the assistant manager, he only asks my counterpart who has only been working with him for a week. My thought is that their egos are getting in the way of them thinking about what is best for the staff. My boss was the one who hired him, my counterpart is the one who interviewed him. I am the one who worked with him for about 8 months but no one takes my opinion into consideration. What do I do? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2367,"Title: Anyone else never asked a girl out in their life? Text: I am 26M and I have NEVER asked a girl out in my entire life. So naturally never had a Girlfriend. Never had sex. Asking a girl out is one of my biggest fears. Like it makes me shake. I am pretty confident in other aspects of life but this is just to intimidating for me. Plus, no girl has ever shown that level of interest in me, for me to ask her out. I feel very heart broken and sad. I have missed out on a lot :( I would very much love to have a girlfriend! Almost everyone up till my age has had some sort of experience.. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2368,"Title: 😣 venting Text: I left my ex today after he pushed me to my limit today. I walked to get a U-haul, packed 3 boxes of my things, and drove 6 hours to my hometown. I just got here and now i'm feeling so depressed because I'm starting all over from scratch and i'm literally sitting in a parking lot and I have no plan whatsoever because I jumped the gun. (Was supposed to wait until end of September) Idk what to do and I don't like it when I don't have plans. I wish he didn't have such a control over my emotions like this, i literally felt like i was going to explode into tiny specs of dust. I'm all alone ( not that i wasn't before) but really this time! I'm happy yet exhausted, sad, and hopeless all at the same time. He's called me so many times and texted me and told me to turn around and i feel like i should have listened but i know i made the right decision by leaving. just wish my timing was better like i planned. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2369,"Title: imma kms Text: don’t want to go to fucking doctor and show him pipi and butt, but this fucking country compels me For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2370,"Title: Is it normal to lose all interest in sex and dating after an abusive relationship? Text: I (21/m) got out of an abusive relationship in February after 4 years. I’ve realized over the past few weeks that ever since I left her (22/f) and filed a restraining order, I just don’t have any desire to sleep with or date anyone else. I know it hasn’t been that long, but it feels like it has for me. I’m in no rush to get back into the dating pool, and I definitely don’t miss my ex or still love her or anything. I’ve had attractive women with great personalities try to pursue me, but I just feel no attraction for them sexually or romantically. I still have a regular sex drive, just without the desire to do it with another person if you know what I mean. I guess I’m just scared that I’ve let my past with her affect my present and future with someone else. Does this happen for other people? How long does it take to go away? I don’t even really understand why it’s happening. I think maybe I’m afraid deeply to be vulnerable with someone else, or maybe I’ve just had to raise my standards significantly. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2371,"Title: Need advice Text: This is my first time being on here actually writing. This doesn’t have to do with me, but my sister in law. This started a few weeks ago, she was accused of sexual harassment, but it took the person who accused her 2 weeks to make a accusation. The girl never went to HR, but went to the assistant superintendent. She had reached for this girls badge and the back of her hand brushed her boob. She quickly apologized and when she was asked to not talk to her, she complied. When the investigation came into play she made sure to keep her distance, while this girl didn’t. Just today she was brought in and told she was being put on leave, because the same girl said that she was asking for her and going into her sons classroom. (She is a custodian). She was also accused of writing on someone’s car, but that whole thing was found that she was innocent. The second time her head boss, not HR wasn’t involved. She is considering getting a lawyer. Is everything messed up? Should she get a lawyer? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2372,"Title: I wish it could have been different Text: I left the father of my children in April 2018, when my kids were barely 1 and nearly 6. I knew I had to leave, things were only escalating and more and more was happening in front of the children. It was a rough year and a half at first, he was nasty to me and did his best to destroy me financially by dragging out a custody case using attorneys, he manipulated me through the children. He regularly threatened me and did a lot of things to try to keep control over me through intimidation and fear. But the past few months he’s been kinder and better. It’s been nice but of course I don’t trust it. Then, last night, he had me leave the children with him for a couple of hours and then asked me to have everyone together for dinner to celebrate my birthday. He helped them make cupcakes, get me a gift, make cards, and then bought pizza. It was so nice, all of it. He was nice to me and to all of us. It was this perfect little evening with our family together like it should have been. It was really hard for us to have to leave and go to separate houses. My children were sad, I was sad, it was all just so hard to see exactly what it could have been, should be. My heart breaks for my children that they can’t have what they deserve because I left. I know I can’t go back, it wouldn’t take long for things to end up right back in the same abusive cycle. He hasn’t changed really, he’s just feeling comfortable in life and like always, when he’s feeling good he’s good to everyone. But it just hurts to know that my choices have left my children without everything they deserve to have. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2373,"Title: Is my rapist really a “rapist”? Text: I (16f) got into a very sticky situation right after i turned 15. Its been over a year since it happened so a lot of things have blurred and stuff since it happened, i wrote down in some notes as much and with as much detail as i could remember. Long story short, i invited one of my friends over, a girl we’ll call Chloe. I taught her how to swim at my schools pool, then we went and got chinese by my house and went back to my place to hang out and eat. A guy i had been flirting with back then got wind that i would be alone with my friend for the night and ask to come over, i had said no bc she was over but he came anyway. He knocked on my door and i didnt wanna see like a ass and seem like i was avoiding him so i let him in. As soon as their both inside i offer them some edibles, saying i was gonna move soon and didnt want to take them to the new house, they both decline so i take all four gummies i had. It was a strong does but i dont remember the exact MG in each gummy. Him and my friend got along pretty well but left me in a awkward situation, they talked about guns and the neighborhood they lived in when their were young and how he had all sorts of ties and stuff in gangs and how he had access to all types of drugs and guns and weapons. It felt a little intimidating and i could tell my friend as well lost interest in his conversation because she couldnt relate anymore. It was more than obvious i was high and Chloe asks if im really okay to be alone, i said yeah and that once they left id just be cleaning the house anyway. I let him know ahead of time that he would have to leave when she left. He said it was fine. Chloe ends up leaving early and he decides to stay anyway in which, i was too scared to say no in a way. Or tell him to leave because it has always been super hard for me to say no, it still is hard. So i let him stay, and i start to go to my room, he follows me and we end up laying on my bed together and watching a movie. He starts to get kinda touchy and things kinda blur right here in my memory. The next I remember i down to just a shirt and hes naked. Hes laying on top of me and i guess trys to sit up and scoots forward to kiss me, he slips inside of me, i hadnt consented yet and when i gasp he looks down and js smiles, he doesnt move he doesnt apologize he just stands there until he moves away. I started crying and stuff and he’s apologizing a lot saying how much he loves me and how he just wants our first times to be together (which wasnt true, he wasnt a virgin at the time.) as he’s apologizing hes searching through his pants for a condom. I didnt realize until i had stopped crying and he was sitting on my bed again. He put the condom on before even asking if i wanted to continue and when he did ask, i said he had already been in so whats the point. I never said yes to continuing but he did continue anyway, and i didnt stop it. It ended quickly and he wanted to shower together, i said no and that he should just leave. And guess what? My dad came home as we were dressing. He wants to go out and MEET MY DAD. I shut that down quick and walk him out, telling my dad i was gonna walk the dog. I stressed and cried for weeks and couldn’t physically or mentally understand what happened that night. He gave me money for plan b a few days later but my dad ended up taking the money, not believing me when i told him that i got it from a friend. I made up the money in a 15$ 7/11 card i had and 5$ cash and gave it back to him saying it was too late to take plan b anyway. When i finally came out about all that happened i was told a million different things and my family still doesnt know it ever happened. So if i never really said to stop.. is he really a rapist..? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 2374,"Title: Why are abusive people the hardest to rehabilitate? I have a hard time understanding why they do it. Text: I am no longer with my partner but the biggest trouble I have had with closure is wondering why they were abusive. I also have a hard time understanding how they treated others with respect and kindness yet with me at times it was another story. I have a difficult time processing how moments between us could be great and that it was not bad 24/7 but when it was bad, it was bad. I am in therapy and multiple professionals have brought up that abusive people have a VERY hard time changing their behavior even with help and that abusers are often the way they are because of something that happened in their childhood. As far as I know nothing insane happened in my ex partner's childhood that they disclosed for me so I struggle with not knowing why I was treated the way I was. TW Emotional/physical violence: >!There were times where I was treated so bad. Every holiday/birthday was always ruined. He would break furniture, scream at me, etc. I could not be happy, but I find myself still feeling bad for my ex partner. !< For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2375,"Title: Recommendations Text: Hi! I’m a 18f and was wondering what anti anxiety pills work best for y’all. Like over the counter stuff. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2376,"Title: I did it...I finally did it... Text: So my ex and I broke up a few days after christmas. I made the decision to finally go into a domestic abuse shelter after that and I have been here in the shelter for about 2 months now. Fast forward to today, I am going to be soon moving in with a close friend of mine, and I have two job interviews this week. The biggest thing of all, today I was actually able to look into the mirror at myself and smile with confidence and not want to cry. It has been a very, very long road and I feel like I have come so far from where I was only 2 months ago. Sure a piece of me still lies in the past of our broken relationship and it stings a bit to know that he has found another girl and has moved on, but at least I have, and always will have, my dignity and respect. I am so proud of myself and I know that I still have a long ways to go but I will get their eventually and all will be well. **Thanks for reading!** For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2377,"Title: Fired twice for reporting sexual harassment Text: I was fired for reporting sexual harassment TWICE! I witnessed the sexual harassment of two females while working a tech contract for a big banking corporation. The perpetrator was a another coworker who would make comments like “mmm id like to taste that” while one of the female workers would leave a section and press himself against the two when there was ample space to not touch anyone. He also would take the younger one on special assignments that would give him time alone with her in the freight elevator where she says he was looking down her shirt. I also caught him string down her shirt a few times and it creeped me out because he’s about 60 and it epitomized dirty old man vibes. I reported what I saw to the jobsite supervisor and nothing, then I wrote to my contract organizer and received an email they would investigate what happened. A few days later the girl was fired then a few days after That the pervert guy told me that I was being released from the contract and not needed. It was odd because the contract had just began and I knew it was because I reported him. I started a new contract and the same pervert old guy was still there doing the same stuff. I kindly reported the prior incidents and the current one to the actual bank. He was escorted from the property but the same day I was asked to leave during a new investigation by my contractor , which is the equivalent of being fired. Aren’t there whistleblower laws?! #termination #management #jobsearch #advice #stressful For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2378,"Title: Today I 23(F) was harassed by the owner 72(M) of the company I work for Text: So I work in an office for small family owned company for about a year now and today I was talking to the owner in his office and playfully grabbed his phone and took a selfie of us from across his desk. Well he said to come next to him to take a selfie with him to send to his wife (she knows of me, I’m close to her husband and son) so I thought nothing of it. Well when I went over next to him he grabs my face and I felt uncomfy so I playfully push him off and walk away. Then he stands up and says “no I didn’t get the picture” I’m slow and trusted him I guess and he grabs me in a chokehold from behind me and puts his mouth on my neck but luckily my hair was covering my neck. No picture was taken of course (what a shock) I was still laughing yet felt so uncomfortable as I exited his office. It didn’t hit me until I was driving home in disgust. I feel sorta betrayed because I’m so Close to this family and company. But I really like my job and it sucks how this has to happen making me second guess myself with this job. I really want to tell his son whom I’m pretty close to but I don’t think it will do any one good. My word against his. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 2379,"Title: i got raped by a girl at a party yesterday please help Text: I was at a party and this girl started talking to me I noticed she was flirting with me but I showed I wasn't interested because I already have a girlfriend I had been drinking all day and don't remember much but I woke up in a bed beside her Please help me what do I do I can't tell my girlfriend she'll just get mad at me do I go to a hospital? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_ongoing Question 2380,"Title: Scared of leaving my home Text: I moved in to a big city last year and its been a streak of being harassed on the streets by grown men as I'm walking by. Today I finally managed to get over my anxiety to go outside and run errands only to be harassed by a group of dudes touching me and saying gross shit. Im petrified, incapable of leaving the flat without my boyfriend, but its not like he can walk me everywhere. This is a pointless post I just needed to get it off my chest I think. I dont know what to do. The more it happens the less I'm able to leave my place. Today was the first time in nearly two months going outside. I hate it here. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 2381,"Title: Where are all of my touch starved people at ? Text: I'm feeling really touch starved right now . Is there anyone else that also feel touch starved right now ? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2382,"Title: I Gave Myself Lots of Fine Line Scars and I Don't Know What To Do Text: I do not identify as a self-harmer, nor have I ever practiced it extensively, but to I got a little tipsy and broke up a razor blade I had stored in my cupboard. Now I have lots of thin lacerations halfway down my wrist. There are about fifty or more in total and they don't go very deep, but it looks pretty grotesque and I suddenly don't know what to do with myself. Some of them have already swollen and my skin is sensitive to touch. I'm a little disappointed because I kind of hoped that someone would notice the real suffering I was going through. I even took pictures of the fresh blood-soaked scars while I was semi-drunk. I feel kind of shocked that did this to myself, but also disappointed knowing life will continue on as though I was fine all this time. I need someone to notice and someone to talking to, but I think I need help because I have an intuition it's just gonna get worse from here. It's almost like today proved to me how far I can go and I'm probably just gonna going to continue down this road. It feels like I have no reason not to keep cutting. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2383,"Title: So Much Freaking Temptation Today Text: I still haven’t cut myself yet, but I’ve done several other versions of self-harm. I’ve been pulling my hair, biting my hands and arms, and hitting myself, so I’ve already got it as an addiction. (if, the less severe version) But lately today there’s been a lot of temptation to start actually cutting as well. I’m still mourning my great grandmas’ deaths, I just saw some people about to commit suicide on this Reddit and I couldn’t talk them into not dying (multiple people, same Reddit post), and my addiction’s begging me to advance so I can keep getting satisfaction from the pain. There are also so many sharp objects in my house that are massively easy to get to, and even hurt myself with, without anyone knowing the difference. I even have a pre-existing reputation for wearing longer clothes whether or not it’s cold, so that wouldn’t be a problem either. I just don’t know whether or not I can hold off the urge anymore. I don’t really want this, it’s just been instinct since biting myself started to relieve stress for me. Any suggestions? Really don’t wanna tell my family, so I’m grasping at straws here. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2384,"Title: i wish i had never relapsed. Text: i hate this and i hate myself. i can’t stop but i don’t even want to cut in the first place. this is horrific and i don’t know what to do because i know i can’t stop myself. like i don’t WANT to cut. i just have to and i wish i was dead. i just feel like i shouldn’t have to be sat here convincing myself to do it and it feels like i can’t breathe For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 2385,"Title: Late night thought Text: Being afraid of death/dying and also being passively suicidal is the weirdest mix of feelings. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2386,"Title: Abused 27 Male Text: I am soon to be a 27 year old male. I just recently got out of a abusive relationship. I suffered both emotionally and physically. I wanted to share my story, to find some sort of healing or insights. I dated one of my co-workers at the time ( I was a manager at the time). Yes, I know this was a huge mistake but it happened anyway. At first things were great but things went downhill fast. As a result she completely lost control and started punching me and hitting me. Told me to take my shirt off and to hand it to her. She then proceeded to pull out a pair of scissors from the kitchen, cut a hole in my shirt and she said if she didn’t have this shirt that this would be me; threatening my life. I then calmed her down and things got normal. Second incident: I woke up one day to get ready for work and then proceeded to take a shower. As I got out I went to the hallway and started to play with the cat. She then got very agitated and yelled at me for waking her up. I apologized and then went to the living room to put my clothes on. It was very dark and I could not see, so I turned on the light. She immediately got up out of her bed and started yelling saying why I woke her up. I didn’t want any problems and apologized and I started to head out the house. She immediately lost control and punched me in the head where I got light headed. Then she started throwing more punches and kicks outside the apartment. I tried to run away to my car but she jump on my back, while continuing to hit me. I screamed for help and saw that some of the neighbors were watching and I asked them to call 911. The neighbors seemed very scared and did not call the cops. Once I was free from her I proceeded to call 911. My shirt was ripped as a result. Cops arrived on the property and asked me what happened. I confessed and said that she physically hit me multiple times. She then admitted to the cops that she did hit me. Cops asked me what I wanted to do and I did not press charges because of my mental state at the moment. I then asked the cops if I could get my clothes back from her at the time and she didn’t want me or the cop to go in the house. The officer yelled at her and said he she did not cooperate then he would charge her with assault and battery. She then allowed me in and I recovered my clothes and then went to work. Third Incident: About a few months back I was currently living with her. Before her going to work she made a comment about a mistake I made in the house. As a result, I told her that today will be my last day here with her. And then another argument happened. I wanted to gather my things and leave but she wouldn’t let me. Minutes later she kicked me in my chest and knocked the wind out of me. I walked out from the apartment out to the streets. She was in a rush to work and told me to get into the car to talk about what just happened. I was hesitant to get in but did anyways. She then punched me in the face and then apologized and said that I can punch her in the face if I would like too. When living with her she would yell at me for not getting things right in household chores. Excessive name calling. Saying I was stupid and that I had no common sense. And how I never listen to what she says. Constantly kick me out of the house etc. I feel like talking about it helps. Just want some support. Thank you. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2387,"Title: I'm stuck in a cycle of loneliness Text: Don't get me rong i have friends and I have a good relationship with my family but I feel like something is off. Like i don't belong, like I'm an alien. I feel like something is rong with me. Like I'm a shell of a human pretending to understand what other feel. It's always been this way ever since I was a child. It's like this constant loneliness is following behind me and everytime I hade ""fun"" i realized that i don't belong. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2388,"Title: Raped in berlin Text: i was raped yesterday morning. I can’t believe it’s happened. I am here in berlin for 2 months. It’s so scary that this has happened while I’m away from home. No one at the doctors spoke good English, I went last night to do a rape kit. It was so fucking traumatic and I really want my mum. I haven’t told the police yet because I don’t want to spend the remainder of my holiday in a police station. I need time to process this on my own. However I am worried that when I go back to UK they won’t be able o do anything because the crime was committed in another country. Can anyone help For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_ongoing Question 2389,"Title: Is this situation okay? Text: I feel bad about sharing my story or even posting in this group because I feel like my problem is so minuscule compared to post I’ve seen. I just really need help on understanding if this situation is okay. That being said me and my daughter have not been physically touched. However I have a partner that gets really mad when our daughter misbehaves. She is only three and also has been diagnosed with autism. When he gets mad he yells at her a lot. Doesn’t just simply yell no. He goes off. And he has even cussed at her a few times. He also starts slamming things. I know this situation might just be getting to me because I grew up in an abusive household and yelling and slamming things triggers my anxiety. Having anyones second opinion in this situation would be great. To my understanding this is not considered abuse because he is not physically hurting us and it’s no emotional abuse because he’s not putting us down or calling us names. Does this mean the situation is okay? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2390,"Title: I CANT BE HAPPY IN THIS BODY Text: ILL ALWAYS BE A FUCKING MALE I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE IM GONNA FUCKING KILL MYSELF I HATE BEING TRANS IM GOING TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF IM GONNA KILL MYSELF IM GONNA KILL MYSELF I HATE BEING TRANS For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2391,"Title: Alternative forms of self harm need to be taken just as seriously as cutting Text: I have never cut, but I still struggle with self harm in the form of punching myself, biting my hands as hard as I can, and forcing myself to pass out. When I've talked to old therapists before, they are never taken seriously, despite the intent being the same. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2392,"Title: Colleague harassed by company director. What can she do? Text: Apologies for the long post, but I have a colleague in distress and she wants to know everything she needs before taking action. We'll call my colleague Lucy, and the director Jack. This is happening in London, UK. Lucy started working at my company about 3 years ago. When she started, she was getting bullied by another colleague. At the time, Jack stepped up and the bully left the company. Since Lucy didn't have any friends at the company, she started hanging out with Jack during lunch breaks, but never outside of office hours. Then Jack started pushing to spend time outside of work. He would take the same bus as Lucy after work even though he lived in a different part of town, and made excuses as to why he was taking the same bus. During one of their lunch breaks together, Jack told Lucy that he had a dream of them having sex. Jack also started investigating Lucy online a bit, and even scoping out her partner at the time. Lucy once spotted Jack following her for a few blocks to her home. He then pretended to 'bump' into her and gave another excuse as to why he was there. Throughout her time at the company, Jack has been doing more things to get close to Lucy, such as: \- Buying her drinks on company outings even though she doesn't drink. \- Forcing her to have her desktop next to him at the office. \- Pulling her out of projects so that he keeps working with her on other things. \- Asking her to sit with him together to review work together, and asking her to stay a bit later at the office after everyone's left. It's gotten to the point that Lucy is in constant distress when she's around him. She's scared of speaking up because she doesn't want to jeopardise her job, considering that Jack is a director and there's a lack of 'hard' evidence of harassment. She's also worried about the fact that Jack is an integral part of our department, and she's afraid that our department might collapse if he's sacked. What would you advise for Lucy to do? Should she speak with the company's founders, police, or someone else? Thanks! Edit: Regarding the company structure: Its a small privately held company of about 40 employees. Jack is not an owner director. He was appointed director when my department was born. The department consists of myself, Jack, Lucy, and one more colleague. Regarding HR, I'm not sure we have one. There is someone who is in charge of employee contracts, holidays, sick leave, etc. But her official title is 'Administration Manager' For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2393,"Title: i dont relate to depressed people in media or in reality. Text: I have noticed that for many people they have had some good memories before they got depression and had more meaningful interactions with people when they ask about it. I have had a rough start cant remember most of my childhood, some good but mostly bad memories come to mind when i think about it. I have always had trouble keeping friendships and when i have had they always were very toxic, i have no friends from high school and even in college i don't have friends i can hangout. I am what they call a hi and bye friend that u can make a coversation when u have no one else to talk to the bus fo college. I aint good looking been fat since middle school looks are 5/10.had body dysmorphia for quite a while been in and out of diets gained and lost muscles, was a skinny kid growing up till middle school when i started gaining weight cant seem to loose it. i dont have an interesting personality as well so, did bad in school and have no social skills so its bad from both ends and that just fuels my depression even further. When i hear people say things about other people who i know are depressed and been for quite a while they dont seem anything like me even if the triggers are the exact same. Since there is always somthing that people like about them and i cant seem to find what i might have that i can work on. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2394,"Title: Hi me again!! This is urgent Text: Does anyone know how to tell your parents about your self harm without actually telling them? I was thinking about writing a letter but idk. I need to tell them by tomorrow morning. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2395,"Title: She deserves better… Text: I am in a 3 year relationship with an absolutely amazing, loving, caring and supporting person I’ve ever been with. Yet for some reason I’ve had doubts about our future together. I don’t get the same fulfillment from the relationship as I once did. This is not to say she did anything wrong. It’s just that I would like to experience living in another state and possibly have kids. Both of which she is against. I’ve broken her heart once before and due to her abandonment issues it absolutely devastated her and it made question my decision to break things off. After a few months of separation we decided to try again and now we own a home together. I know it sounds cowardly but I can’t hurt her like that again. I feel stuck because I know deep down she deserves someone who’s gonna love her as much as she loves me. Figured if I just kill myself then she could be free to find that person and I would be out of her life. The thought of the pain it would cause her to have to go through another break up after everything we’re been through gives me immense anxiety and often disrupts my thinking. I think it’s best for me to remove myself from the equation. That way the only one I will be hurting is myself. My gf is out of town visiting family. Don’t want her to find me in the house so I will probably just drive to the park and do it there. Someone will find me there with my note. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2396,"Title: wife doesn't want me to share anything about our family. Text: So basically anytime I say something like today I told my bro my wife might be going back to her home country with Jr and the new baby for a few months and she's mad, even when I say other things that are less involved than that. Is that appropriate I feel like I am being controlled because I feel like I a way she wants tk cut me off from my family. Yes my mom is a blabbermouth but whose isnt? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2397,"Title: Reddit saves my life.... post your abuse stories and readers will open your eyes... Text: This is completely a public service announcement. I have been in an abusive relationship for the past two years. Everything came to a head as most relationships that are abusive do. I had found my way out after being arrested and now having a criminal criminal record because of my crazy boyfriend. I was literally thinking about taking him back because of how messed up I am in my head after living with an abuser for so long. I asked Reddit if I should take him back and wrote all of the details. The people that took the time to actually read my long post literally saved my life. I could see what I couldn't I said talking things to me like I would be a murder victim and that my children would end up Dead Or Without a mother. It was exactly what I needed to hear and it was the truth and already knew it. I just needed to hear it from other people that weren't invested in the situation. The reason I'm writing this in hopes that someone else does this. This is the most powerful thing I could have done to get out of this situation. Hearing from normal people average people out in the world I don't know me. I'm just happy they made me stop drinking the kool-aid bc now that it's over , he's showing me how he's not changed and what danger I was in. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2398,"Title: Idk but help if you know Text: Lately I’ve been feeling really suicidal, but Im pretty sure that if I attempt I will regret it within half an hour or so and go to the hospital. So my question is, is it possible to become paralyzed or in any way disabled after a failed attempt with like 10g-15g worth of pills ? (Seroquel, lexotanil, xanax). Sorry if it’s a stupid question but like It’s my biggest fear and Im scared For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2399,"Title: How to de-escalate? Text: My friend is being harassed by a man in a powerful position. She lives in a somewhat rural and conservative part of a country where cops are notorious for taking bribes, so she doesn't think she can rely on them for any help. He has already sent some messages with threatening undertones, and I expect he's likely to retaliate over a perceived slight. I've suggested she document the harassment, but I don't know how to help her. Does anyone know how to deescalate the situation? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2400,"Title: Is it a form of sexual harassment if your boss asked you about your sex life? Text: This happened when I was 22 years old. I (f) used to work for an online loan company. I worked in customer service, we usually call people to ask if they like to take a loan. I had a team leader, let's call him Mac. Mac is an exuberant person. He loves to make jokes about anything and everything. He loves to drink. He usually drinks before our shift starts and even during the shift. He had friends on the management team. So no one dared to report him. Maybe because I was fairly young and it was my second job, I thought of him as a mentor. I thought of him as a good role model. I often look for him to ask questions about the process and how to phrase words. (English is not my first language). I usually hear him talk about his conquests, His side chicks, and his wife. Sometimes, there is a casual touch on the shoulders. There is a time that he asked me if I was a virgin or not. If I'm not a virgin, how many is my body count. When he asked me that, I started to limit my interaction with him. I don't know if I am just overthinking or not. I quit after a few months working for that company. The reason I quit was not really because of him. Did I experience sexual harassment? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 2401,"Title: The more I'm like this the more I lose my will to live Text: Everything feels so hopeless. I want to transition, I'm 20. But all this anti-trans shit is really making me worry for myself. Especially since I live in the States. And it's getting to my head more with this depression that feels like it's a permanent part of my mind. I don't even flinch that much at the thought of suicide anymore. So many people just don't want me to exist, so how can I be myself if people just keep shutting people like me out? Doesn't help that the thought of me never being able to truly look how I want is slowly setting in more and more, as I'll never be the person I want to be. Also doesn't help these years of my mind festering endlessly in my depression have made things horrid. Idk, I just feel like, when I'm eventually living alone I'll be one step closer to ending everything. Away from everyone, not having to harm them with the knowledge of my death. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2402,"Title: I have no idea why i cutted myself Text: I am fairly happy right now. No bad stuff going on if the normal school stress isn’t counting. All of the depression/real ed days are quite behind me. I have not done sh for like a year or so? But just this evening, no idea why, I felt the real urge to cut myself again and I don’t know why. And the worst thing is this doesn’t even make me feel bad or ashamed or relapsed etc. I feel almost as proud somehow or as if it was nothing. at the same time this is nostalgic. So weird. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2403,"Title: TW (URGENT) Text: Can someone give me a list of the quickest ways to heal self harm cuts? and if possible how long they would heal? Mine are about 2 weeks but they arent gone yet and i have something coming up where i need to wear short sleeves. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 2404,"Title: Halloween Text: I’ve given myself a deadline. Halloween. After events that I won’t get into, I realized I have nothing that’s keeping alive. I have BPD and that alone is a struggle to live with and I’m only 18. My go to, my dad, died on my birthday last year, my mom is shitty and I have no trust in her whatsoever, and I guess I realized I have no friends. I also have no siblings so it’s just me. I have a method and a plan. My roommate is going to visit her brother for Halloween so I’ll be alone in my dorm. I promised myself that if I don’t find a sliver of hope in this week then that’s that. Right now all I can think is ‘If I do it I can see my dad again and finally be happy for the first time in a long time’. So, I have a little over a week. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2405,"Title: I was assaulted and I had orgasms during it I feel guilty and messed up. Text: I was raped over a year ago. I'm trying my best to deal with it but it's hard. I never told anyone what happened not even my husband. I just try to get on with things and keep busy to try and keep my mind of it but the thoughts always return. During the assault I also had orgasms which makes it really hard to deal with, that's where the guilty feeling comes from it makes it really hard to deal with. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2406,"Title: I wish COVID would have taken me. Text: I’m so tired and done with everything. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2407,"Title: Asking for advice for my friend who was raped again recently Text: Recently my friend told me about something that happened on her homecoming night, horrible I’m not going to go into detail. I was really sad to hear about it, I did my best to be there for her and just listen. She didn’t wanna go to the police again and that’s her choice. It’s the seventh time this happens tho, by different people in different places. I’m not here to judge her but why does this keep happening? I’ve briefly suggested to find a different friend group away from drugs and a new hobby that isn’t staying out late meeting new people. But I kinda feel powerless that if she doesn’t change her lifestyle she will be vulnerable to the same kind of evil again. Anyone have any tips? We are both in high school. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2408,"Title: I’m going to kill myself on halloween Text: I’ll get money. I can afford my method. I’m done. There’s no getting better. I’m scared to go to hell but I hope I can be forgiven. I just wanted to tell someone. I want it to be out there. I have lost everything and everyone. I have no hope in me anymore. I spend everyday alone. No one can live like this. It’s like I’m in jail but I’m not. I just want to die. I can’t wait to die. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2409,"Title: Relapsed; repeatedly hit my head against a wall Text: I really hate that I relapsed I feel hopeless. Before I was cutting and bruising, and I stopped harming for many months and I was feeling great. But today my father was making me just breakdown and I just ran away and later slammed my head against my bedroom wall really hard for a few minutes until I stopped. I feel really dizzy and have a headache I'm not sure if I'll have bruises the next day. My mother will be so disappointed in me because I'm usually open with her and open to her about my self harming. I'm just super stressed. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2410,"Title: Tax Dollars Used by Texas Rep to Settle Sexual Harassment Suit Text: POLITICS 05/15/2018 04:26 pm ET Updated 6 hours ago Blake Farenthold Says He Won’t Repay $84,000 Sexual Harassment Settlement The former representative from Texas says he’s balking on the advice of his lawyer. headshot By Antonia Blumberg A day after announcing he had secured a new, six-figure lobbying job, former Rep. Blake Farenthold (R-Texas) said he has no intention of paying back tens of thousands of taxpayer dollars he used to settle a sexual harassment suit. Farenthold, who resigned from the House in April, used $84,000 in taxpayer money to settle the sexual harassment lawsuit brought against him by a former aide in 2014. When the news about the settlement broke in December, Farenthold vowed to quickly pay the money back but never did. Asked on Tuesday whether he would make the payment in the wake of his new job, he said he had no intention to do so. “I will say this on the record: I have been advised by my attorneys not to repay that,” Farenthold told ABC. “That’s why it hasn’t been repaid.” Farenthold resigned abruptly, just as the House Ethics Committee was about to rule against him in an investigation into whether he sexually harassed members of his staff, used official money for campaign purposes and lied in testimony to the committee. His resignation effectively ended the probe, since he was no longer a member of the House. Had it continued, the committee might have required him to pay back the $84,000. In the 2014 suit, former aide Lauren Greene alleged that Farenthold was often drunk and flirtatious at work and on at least one occasion told another aide that she could “show her nipples whenever she wanted to” and that he had “wet dreams” about her. After Farenthold’s resignation, House Speaker Paul Ryan (R-Wis.) said he expected the former lawmaker to repay the money. The House Ethics Committee also released a statement urging Farenthold to follow through on his earlier repayment promise. On Monday, Farenthold announced that he had landed a new job at the Calhoun Port Authority in Port Lavaca, Texas, as reported by Caller Times. He is to serve as the port’s full-time legislative liaison, with responsibilities that include increasing its visibility with federal lawmakers and the Trump administration. His annual salary is expected to be roughly $160,000. Rep. Jackie Speier (D-Calif.), who has been critical of Farenthold for his indiscretions, encouraged her colleagues to not meet with him as he plies his new trade. “I would hope Republicans would stand up for what’s right and say he is not allowed in their offices until he pays up,” Speier told HuffPost in a statement. The story has been updated with comment from Rep. Speier. Jennifer Bendery contributed reporting. Antonia Blumberg Reporter, HuffPost address@email.com Blake Farenthold Says He Won’t Repay $84,000 Sexual Harassment Settlement For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2411,"Title: How do i tell people Text: I really want to tell someone but how? and who i really dont want to tell my parents first. But i just relapsed self harm ans schooling is stressing me out For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2412,"Title: Wholesome moment with a student yesterday Text: Thought I’d share something nice for once. :) I’m a substitute teacher, and I met a little guy last year who has self harm tendencies. At one point he started banging his tiny head against a pole, and as he didn’t really acknowledge my presence I just placed my hand in front of the pole, so at least he was hitting my palm and not the hard metal. I’ve seen him a few times this year and he’s doing better, but, still, you can tell he carries a lot of depression. My philosophy with him is that I’ll always be easy on him, so maybe I can provide him a little relief for a moment. I sat next to him while his head was on his desk (the rest of the class were with another teacher) and I talked to him a little, always very positively. He didn’t speak or look at me but I think he nodded his head when I asked if he remembers me. When I left he gave me a hug, and a little later on that day he patted my arm. He’s come a long way from not acknowledging I’m there, and it warms my heart that I’ve gained his trust. Little guy deserves to be happy. Edit: Thanks for the sweet replies. :’) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2413,"Title: Suicide is weird for me Text: Ive struggled with suicidal thoughts and tendencies for a couple years now, but recently its kinda different? Sometimes its sorta comforting to me knowing theres a way out and idky; i guess i wanna know if anyone else gets this feeling For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2414,"Title: Partner almost walked in on my hitting myself. I feel so ashamed.. Text: Sometimes I get uncontrollably angry with myself and I've recently taken a habit of hitting myself to somehow regulate the anger. It's bad, I know I shouldn't be doing that but for some reason I can't stop myself. It's late at night and he got up, asked ""what's that banging noise?"" I pretended I was hitting the couch out of laughter. But I'm so scared he might know I'm just completely crazy, hitting myself on the head. I keep telling myself I'll stop but it keeps getting worse and more violent. I'm so ashamed of myself, wtf is wrong with me? worst part is that he wouldn't even confront me if he suspected something. So I'm paranoid that he just knows, somehow. I just need to stop, really. It's getting out of hand. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2415,"Title: Things are bad... Text: I want to lose my shit so bad. Not like shouting or throwing a fit, I mean the kind where either I harm someone or myself. I feel too aggressive today. This whole bipolar problem is a real bitch. I'm so tired of everything, I'd rather die tonight than face whatever barshit problems come my way in the coming days. Can't even rant properly haha For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 2416,"Title: why does it seem he gets to live his best life Text: My ex abused me for 16 years and I finally put him out a year and a half ago. Within 8 months of being gone he introduced my kids to his ex that he is back with and last month I was ordered by the court to let them go with him every other weekend. He doesn't pay any child support and does the bare minimum. We also had a criminal case from him beating me in front of our kids and he was allowed to plead to 6 months jail time and he doesn't even start that until the end of this year!. I'm so upset that I want to call in an anonymous tip and alert the police to his drug dealing. But everyone says i should just let Karma catch up to him on its own. But why should he be able to live freely, only being the fun every other weekend parent, not paying support, taking trips and I'm being mom, working hard and raising 3 kids alone. He always said no one will come in and help me raise someone else kids but that he could always find a woman. 😞 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2417,"Title: How to actually get work done Text: Idk what to even call the title but I need some advice. Every time I sit down to do college work, especially math, I just get so overwhelmed to the point I get overly angry. It’s like my mind can’t handle even processing numbers, and I start to get really really overwhelmed and suddenly I can’t handle any external noise/sensory stuff. I thought it was getting better but I’m getting so pissed that I break stuff or hit myself. It’s not like I don’t take breaks, cause I do, but usually that does nothing. The times when I’m not overwhelmed I just give up. I’m just really fed up with myself. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2418,"Title: i wish i never woke up from my sleep Text: I am totally sane (no depression, no anxiety, no mania, etc…. Mental illness)💯 I just don’t want to live anymore in this embarrassing, humiliating, value dropping life experiences🎢 I wish I never woke up from my sleep 😔 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2419,"Title: Being sad whenever i see someone else's SH scars Text: Whenever i see someone's scars from self harm i get very emotional/sad, it pains me too see how people hurt and scar themselves with permanent consequences over things that they have little control about. On the other hand, i feel no sympathy to my own when i harm myself. Is it normal too feel this way? Can anyone relate to this? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2420,"Title: Domestic violence survivor and recent escapee applied for my rental property. What can I do to make sure her needs are being met? Text: I've never managed a domestic violence tenant before. The one that came and applied for my rental today left a domestic violence situation at her old home which is 500 miles away. She didn't give me any details about what she'd been through but during our meet today, she said that her family and friends are worried about her mental state (she said that she told them she's ""fine""). She also use the word ""scared"" once today but I don't remember in what context... I don't expect her to share much more with me than what she shared today. And that's okay. I just gather that she's run away and she's gotten away safely, but just feels the need to ""watch her back"" (please forgive the lack of better phrase). Being that she's a domestic violence survivor, is there anything I can/should be doing to make sure she's comfortable during and after her move-in (aside from normal tenant requests such as maintenance)? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2421,"Title: Told my therapist Text: After 4 years of self harming I finally told my therapist about my sh and since I’m over 18 now she doesn’t have to tell my emergency contact or anyone. It just feels sooo good to finally say it out loud and actually get help. This feeling is like the high u feel from cutting 10/10 recommended. Edit : Thanku for the awards I just- :’) Also I absolutely love how supportive and loving u all are ily For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 2422,"Title: Been isolating more and more since 2019. I practically don’t see people anymore. I don’t really know how to meet people and boston isn’t known for being friendly. Text: So I have been isolating a lot and not seeing anyone outside of ”safe” spaces really. When I do, even if I know them, I’m nervous. My friends have grown increasingly busy to the point they don’t have time to hang out anymore. Kids, careers, etc… They also live far away, I moved to boston but a long time ago. Most of the people I knew here have moved. Meeting new people in boston is hard. I’m pretty bad at meeting people an struggle to make friends. To add to that the dating apps all really suck. Plus going from no contacts to trying to date someone in one step is jarring, however I’m gay, 40, and have only had one boyfriend since I was 27. That’s a little upsetting. (For straight people it gets exponentially harder to date after 30, as a gay guy, commonly called “gay death”, I have found it to be true. If I said I was 27 on these dating sites I’d have tons of hits but if I put 40 I get none). A friend that’s 27 puts 23 for example. I looked at a picture of myself from 23 and wished I’d been more comfortable with myself back then. Experienced a ton of homophobia in school and at all my work places. I think it’s a big reason why I struggle with intimacy and friendships. I wish I had been out back in college. (Gay student beaten into a coma the year before i started, by members of the colleges hockey team) (orientation leader advised me not to come out as it “wasn’t safe”) Otherwise Such a good time to meet people when everyone is the same age and intellectual level. I even had a guy interested in me in one of my foreign policy classes, but even knowing that I was too shy to ask him out. I saw him on the T after we graduated and was still too shy to ask for his number. That was much later at a different school. So now it’s endless swiping or mostly (mostly mostly) staying in the apartment. Reading news and going on Reddit, playing games and playing with my cat. I’d like to meet more friends but I just don’t know how. I downloaded a friend app; but I haven’t made much progress. I tried bumble friend finder but found a bunch of really strange people. One wanted to “see how fast my car went in a field” and another, well it’s too crude to write here…. But that app I had no luck. I tried some meetup.com meetings but it feels like meetup hasn’t been updated in years and it’s dying off right when it’s needed most. Only a few people came and it was on zoom. Boston isn’t known for being friendly, I barely talk to anyone in my day to day coming and going when I do go out. There are lots of common rooms in my building but I almost never go bc people usually only go when they bring friends so it’s hard to break in and doesn’t feel appropriate. I’d feel rude. I haven’t really talked to anyone in my building, a real conversation, since I moved in, a year before the pandemic. It is a cozy corner apartment with big windows, my kitten adores me, and I have a fast computer, lots of books and a great view so part of it is I don’t like leaving my apartment or my comfort zone. I’m on disability so there isn’t any meeting people at work, even when I worked corporate backstabbing had me be very careful about whom I was friends with etc. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2423,"Title: Feeling Odd after Relapsing Text: Hello this is my first time here and I'll cut to the chase , I've been about 2 years+/ 3 years clean and despite going through alot of shit in those years , I somehow managed to ignore the thoughts of relapsing and kept a firm grasp of sobriety. But today I just snapped , I started a new semester and immediately for the first week came numerous projects for subjects we literally just learnt. Along with the fact that my significant other is rather dense , we had an argument recently and the things they said really affected me. (As if they didn't care about my emotions or that my feelings weren't valid , that I should perk up immediately) - Combined with the fact that the teachers have left notes telling me that I could do more studying and catching on self learning when ITS LITERALLY THE SAME FIRST WEEK OF THEM TEACHING US?! So I snapped. - I relapsed , but I did only 1 cut. Perhaps it's been a while that's why and the fact that I know I'll now have a harder time hiding due to my significant other. But right after doing it I felt something disconnect , as if the Sober me and the me from that moment were completely separated. Like I was empty and void of emotions , cold and unforgiving. It was almost like an out of body experience. I'm still feeling that right now , and I don't know how things will go , if any of you felt this way before or simply just want to talk here feel free to comment. I'm just so lost right now so company is great. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2424,"Title: Depressed and alone Text: M22 really down and just wanna be okay and not feel like everything I do is gonna go wrong or hurt people For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2425,"Title: My father is always worried that I get sexual harassed or assaulted, but I was sexual harassed by his fucking Best friend and I can't fucking tell him, because this truth is too hart. Text: So my father is always soo worried that something awful as sexual assault will happen to me. And I get it, but I also wanna live my life and not worry about everything all the time. And the truth is I worry a lot about that, maybe his anxiety became my anxiety. But I am also angry, because a few years ago at a party his best friend from childhood, who also knows me since I was a fucking child harassed me and a lot of People including his daugther must have seen that, but nobody said anything, because it's ""normal"" that drunk people do shit. My father was not there at that moment... (maybe it's not fair to be angry at him.. I am maybe just angry in general) So in detail (so that's maybe a trigger warning ) My fathers best friend on that evening always wanted me to kiss him on the cheek the whole time(with iranians you kiss each other to say hello, but definately not the whole time. And I kissed him everytime because he was always making jokes like he was offended if I didn' do it. As if something would be wrong with me if I wouldn't do it. But I am also a fucking People pleaser and I seriously was just watching myself doing stuff that I for sure didn't wanna do) Later he always wanted to dance with me and always looked at me with such a creepy gaze (at that Moment of the really weird Eye Contact I knew something was really wrong) and just because I coudn't really escape him I danced with him and while dancing he touched me with his hands and grabbed my breasts. And a lot of People I know must have seen that. I was so ashamed that I didn't do something against that. I was so ashamed his daugther saw this. I told this my mom later and she said that my fathers best friend has a drinking problem. But gosh... you don't have to harasse someone (you know since they are a baby) when you are drunk. I mean am I just extreme that I am angry about that? The thing is I didn't saw him really since then (one time over Skype and he again had this creepy gaze... but he wasn't drunk I guess), but I am a bit scared of the moment when I will see him again. I don't feel like I could tell my father because either he will not believe me and will be angry at me or he will be angry at his best friend. And I am just a bit angry because he is always so protective about me, but just about the fear that I could be assaulted, but when I tell him something about harrasement he just doesn't really get this and he also doesn't get that the danger doesn't always comes from a stranger. It can also be a Person, who is close to you. I think it is often a Person close to you. And this is so fucked up, because I really wanna trust the People close to me, but then something like this happens (and it's not even the first time something like this happend). For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 2426,"Title: Random guy sends dick picks to under age girls Text: Aight so my girlfriend got added buy a random guy on snap chat and he started talking to her for the luls ig and then ended up sending a picture of his penis to her he is also 25... He got blocked ;) Here is his snap and Instagram please fuck with him : ray2_6 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2427,"Title: I feel like i am always the second Choice and the test subjekt. Text: I´ve only a few friends but lately i´ve been feeling they distance from me and dont want to do anything with me. This isnt the case for all my few friends i still got 2 online friends, but with them i feel like they are very good with each other and i am just a filler to make it feel like a bigger group and that i can get replaced easily. this also applies to my real life friends. To add to that I´ve tried to get a gf over the time and I´ve had 2 but after the breakup and some time there friends came to me and kinda said that they both didn´t really like me and just did it out of boredem. That lead to me getting trust issues, it came to the Point that i am skeptical if my Brother´s friends are even his friends or just using him, i have that Mindset for everyone and leading to that one Girl had ""interest"" in me all my few friends said they´d support it, but since i had trust issues i panicked and just cut every Contact with EVERYONE i didnt chat with anyone for like 2 Weeks. That is a few Months back and today i was told that she also just played it out of boredem. That wasnt helpfull... Now i am scared that this happens to me again, i dont want it to happen again. Recently I more and more get the Feeling that Nobody wants me. I dont know further The last feeling of being wanted was a long time ago it was when my brother wanted to go to a theme park and a girl from his Friend group asked if i wanna come with them, it was a so little thing but it really gave me the feeling of being wanted. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2428,"Title: I got dumped because the rape ""changed me"" Text: He meant it broke me. He was just too nice to say it. And he's right. My rapist (M 50s) assaulted me three times over the summer and kept pressuring me not to tell anybody. He holds a high position at my college and I don't want my parents to know anything or for me to be punished somehow. So I decided I wouldn't tell anybody. My boyfriend found out anyway. He knew something was wrong after the first time, he kept saying I was quiet and distant and wasn't listening to him. But after the second time, he saw bruises all over my sides and freaked out. I started crying and told him everything. He told me it was all okay, and I just had to stay away from him. After fighting about how I didn't want to report him, he agreed to drop it as long as it didn't happen again. The third time I guess was the final straw. He came home and I was already sobbing and he knew it had happened. He held me and comforted me and for a second I thought I'd get through it, maybe. But things were different after that. He didn't look at me when we were with our friends. Our sex life became ice cold and I never finished, he never seemed relaxed. If the subject even close to came up, he told me we had to shut it down and change the topic. Yesterday he broke up with me over text, after over a year of dating, and said (quoting from his message): ""I'm sorry that so much has happened to you lately, but it's not fair that I should just be okay with your choices to defend him and to just be okay with it. That's your decision, but it isn't mine, and it's changed you as well as our relationship. Not trying to blame you for [X]'s actions but I'm sick of feeling like the secondary man in my own relationship"" I don't know what to do. I'm scared he'll say something to the police and I'll get kicked out of school. I'm scared he'll tell my parents and they'll make me move back home. I'm scared that he's right and I'm just marked for life and unable to actually have a healthy relationship now. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2429,"Title: have y’all seen the “draw stars around my scars trend” ? Text: i wouldn’t have an issue with this trend at ALL if there weren’t people posting LITERAL FRESH CUTS!!!!! like have some decency to let them heal for a couple of weeks i’ve seen so many people post one or two day old cuts and that’s not okay esp w/o a tw For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2430,"Title: Friend on discord is attempting suicide tonight, need help. Text: Hey, i was wondering if anyone could point me to a resource or any device that could get any information of someone on discord to social health service over discord. I don’t know this persons name outside their online alias, earlier today they came online detailing their plans to commit suicide via a mutual friend. Can anyone please help me in dealing with this, we want to see if can get someone to check on them. Any tips or resources we can get is needed urgently. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2431,"Title: Love letter to a girl who doesn't exist. Text: I wanted to sleep with you, not to fuck or have sex or anything like that, just lay with you, talk until the early hours and then fall asleep by your side. In the morning I'd cook you breakfast, you'd complain about having to go to work and I'd beg you to just call in sick so we can spend the day together. You won't of course, never do, but it was our little routine. We'd go our separate ways for the day but when we get home we'd crash on the sofa and watch some garbage game show or a crime documentary on Netflix. You'd tell me about your arrogant boss and the client you wanted to put the phone down on but couldn't because it's your job, and I'd complain about the job searching, we'd just continue to talk about next to nothing until you fall asleep with your head on my shoulder. That right there, your head on my shoulder after the most mundane conversation, that little piece of the day, that's where heaven is, all I ever wanted. If I ever got stuck in time, that's where I'd choose to be. I think of you, the ghost who doesn't exist, and that little dream of us together. Nostalgic for something I'll never have. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2432,"Title: I’m going to do it tomorrow Text: I haven’t felt happy in years, I’m not sure if I can do this anymore. It’s just not worth it. All I’ve been doing lately is crying and mindlessly scrolling through the internet. I just can’t do it anymore. I just feel so empty. I’m finally falling apart. I can’t imagine myself going on for another year. I can’t imagine myself being happy again. I’m just tired. But tomorrow I’ll finally be free from it all. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2433,"Title: Why hasn't anyone come up with a ""fake skin"" that could help people get rid of their urges? Text: okay think about it, why hasn't anyone come up with a product thats like a fake skin and under it is different layers and filled with red liquid. and you could cut that instead of your own skin. i know it wouldn't ""cure"" anyone but i definitely would sometimes use that instead of selfharming. especially when i want to ""cut deep"" i could do it on the fake skin. if it was realistic enough maybe it would give me a similar satisfying feeling. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2434,"Title: how to respond to revelation of a friend engaging in self harm ? Text: Friend 17f She told me that she has been engaging in self harm for years and she doesn't feel much pain and that it's a coping mechanism. I have no idea what to say about this or do. She said she might be becoming addicted to it. What should she be doing ? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2435,"Title: 54m in the Tampa area I apparently push everyone away Text: 12 years ago I was hurt real bad and got a brain injury... Since then I apparently push everyone away... Of love to find a friend who cares enough to want to stay no matter how hard I push... For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2436,"Title: At 15 I went “dark” and do not know why. Text: I remember it vividly, I was sitting in the car talking to my mom and suddenly my entire mind shifted, I did not care what she had to say and I wanted her to stfu immediately. In the following years it got worse, it went from me not liking my parents, to me hating my parents, to me wanting my parents dead. I dont know why I did this, I just couldn’t be nice to them and I did not care, I’d insult them, treat them like shit, and they ended up disowning me for a few months after one incident where I couldn’t stop myself from being a complete and utter asshole to them. i used to be so nice, im 18 now and im still like this. the thing is i don’t even feel bad, i feel like they deserved it but i know logically they didn’t For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2437,"Title: Is punching yourself considered self harm Text: Sometimes I just feel the need to punch myself really hard in the face , for no reason. Other times there is a reason, for example I just say something and regret it the next second, I feel really embarrassed so whenever I remember it I just give myself a hard punch (as a punishment ig). Sometimes I just wanna feel good, so I punch myself again, but not as in like I feel good receiving a punch, but rather, I enjoy punching(of course I don't go around punching people or even objects,walls or so); the ""me"" punching is enjoying, not the ""me"" being punched. Btw , I'm not like in depression or something like that. So yeah , I'd like to know if that's some kind of self harm, cause I have no specific understanding of it tbh. Or is it something very normal that pretty much everybody does? (those punches really be hurting a lot sometimes, but I don't mind them) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2438,"Title: anyone else feel unaccomplished if their cuts don't bleed a lot? Text: a huge component of my cutting isn't just the pain but it's the amount of blood that comes out. if only a little bit of blood comes out i don't feel validated and on top of that it's like i'm addicted to the smell of blood. the amount of pain satisfies me but i just can't stand when only a little bit of blood comes out For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2439,"Title: What is the most common reason for self-harm? Text: Anger might be it, but what is the most common reason for self-harm? Just curious. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2440,"Title: I orgasmed during my rape. Text: I don't know if I'm allowed to post here because I'm underage but I try anyway. I was raped multiple time by the same man and I felt a lot of pleasure and I had several orgasms. I can't look at myself in the mirror anymore without having a bitch looking at my reflection. I swear to god I didn't want to have sex with this man for a single second but I liked what he did to me... I really hate what happened to me and I hate myself even more because that happened when I have a boyfriend. I never told anyone and just wanted to get it off my chest. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 2441,"Title: Life with Autism isn't worth living Text: People try to convince me that it's a "" superpower "" that I have, which is bullshit. I constantly feel like an outcast wherever I am, no matter how hard I try to fit-in, and it sucks. My behavior creeps women out, so I never manage to score in dating. It feels like I was born on the wrong planet, and this feeling follows me everywhere. I absolutely hate it and don't want to have to endure this world anymore. I don't want it, and it doesn't want me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2442,"Title: help me understand how to approach a girl i started seeing that told me she lost her virginity by being raped and tried to kill herself Text: i went out with this girl that i like who just broke up with a guy and we are both in our 20s. We were drinking outside and later went to her place but i sensed something was off as before she was confident and at her place she looked a bit afraid so i just set oposite of her and asked to know more about her as i was genuinely interested and to make her more relaxed. But since we drank a bit she got more open than i thought and told me about her life and saying she has many sexual experiences but then almost crying as if she didn't want to cry in front of me...she told me she lost her virginity when someone raped her and later she tried to kill herself...i didn't know what to say so i just listened and told her a bit about my life so that she can feel safe and we connected more that i thought... it was geting late and i thought maybe i should just leave or sleep on the other bed...but she invited me in her bed and i went but i didn't even know if or how should i even touch her to not make her feel unsafe so i just gently put my arm around her and hoped she was okay with that and later she fell asleep on my chest. we then texted a few days just normal stuff, nothing about rape and all that...and now she hasn't replied for a few days and i don't know is it something i did, i mean do i call her or do i leave her alone and give her time and then what can i do to see she can trust me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2443,"Title: im probably going to relapse today Text: I've been clean for one month exact but i honestly can't stop thinking about harming myself. my life's also gotten messy again and honestly my father is enough of a reason for me to sh again. update: i did it. i just couldn't control myself For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2444,"Title: I wished someone had taught me it was good to apologize, and it’s okay to make mistakes. Text: I have an otherworldly fear of making mistakes, especially for a person who seemingly can only make mistakes. It’s so frustrating because in my family ever, since I was a small child, my family would blow my mistakes way out of proportion, and sometimes celebrate when I’d make mistakes or be wrong because they liked to prove me wrong because I am identical to my father, except for the way that he always knows everything and is never wrong. My entire family sees us as the same, so now I have a fear of making any mistake no matter how minor. What’s even worse is that my parents never taught me to apologize. I don’t know how and I feel incredibly awkward doing so. I always have to fight off the urge to respond to things the way I was taught: gaslight, lie, guilt trip, and do everything to make sure it’s not my fault. I haven’t done that in years, since I was probably 10, but sometimes I find myself trying to start that process, and I have realized why. I have never in my life heard an apology from my mother. Everything has always been my fault, I’m the family scape goat. Life for me is walking on eggshells. When I make a mistake, which is surmountably often, I don’t know how to handle it, because I’ve never seen anybody handle mistakes or apologies in a healthy way. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2445,"Title: Recently got back into self harming Text: I recently got back into self harming with blades, which I hadn’t done for years. Before that I would self harm by starving myself on purpose and punching myself etc but I avoided cutting until recently… I previously had desires to cut again but would push the thoughts to the back of my head but recently fed up of feeling numb from my antidepressants I started cutting my upper thighs with a razor and it felt so good. Now I can feel myself becoming addicted to it again, I ended up cutting my abdomen area today after an argument with my impossible to deal with mum. Whenever something shitty happens all I wanna do is cut myself now. Even now I have desires to carry on cutting myself. Even though it’s painful, it feels good, it’s like a form of release I suppose… I want there to be scars as a reminder of my pain and suffering but I also don’t because I don’t want people to see if I show some skin in certain clothing… But part of me wants someone to see… So they know despite this mask I put on that I’m deeply hurt and struggling mentally. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2446,"Title: My friends are having a party without me right after my birthday Text: My birthday was this Saturday, I spent it alone with my mom in the mountains, n got back Sunday night, I've been the ones to ask my friends to hang out recently n they've had plans each time so I've been waiting for them to ask me to hangout this time. Now I see all my friends at a friend's house with a huge feast partying whilst I haven't even seen anyone since I got back two days ago. This keeps happening and it stings everytime, it hurts especially bad since my birthday was so underwhelming :( Edit: Idk if any of yall will see this lol, but I've confronted the girl who hosted n got an expected dull ""sorry"" from her, confronting some of my other friends to ask if they even tried to get me included. They know how much getting excluded hurts for me so it should've crossed their minds to do🤧🤞 PS Thanks for all your messages everyone!! Means allot genuienly ❤️❤️ For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2447,"Title: Medical treatment serious advice Text: I really need some advice. I'm 23F. Do not want to go to inpatent, have only recently relapsed into sh after 5 yrs clean. Unfortunately went to far with it and need stitches. Was able to get antibiotics for a completely unrelated surgery yesterday, but my skin is fucked and bleeding for too long. How can I get treated without being involuntary admitted to a psych ward, For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2448,"Title: Why doesn’t he care about legal consequences? Text: I have a restraining order and there is a court mandated no contact order on top of that but he doesn’t care and never has cared. The most recent NCO started the moment he was remanded and normally they wait until after they’re released. He’s been contacting me while in jail and has already faced new breach charges due to it and my number was barred from the prison. He’s been transferred to a new centre and has started calling me again. Why doesn’t he care about the RO, NCO, the breach charges, etc? I don’t understand, it feels like nothing works. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 2449,"Title: What finally made you leave? Text: I just need to know, if you finally left and restarted your life, if you are on the other side of this and know you’re better for it, how did you get there?! Nothing anyone says, friends and family really has a lasting effect. In the moment, his true colors are revealed and there’s no question that everyone is right and only trying to help. But when they’re not around, those feelings of anger just sort of fade away and it’s only a short while before forgiving him….again! Ugh! I’m so angry?! Social media isn’t allowed, all other media books, movies, magazines, etc. are heavily censored, and internet history checked often, so what resources can I find to finally make it click without causing any trouble for myself? Even if there is just one thing that someone told you that stayed with you long enough, or made it click. Is there really even anything anyone can say? Why is he so much stronger? I feel so helpless. I don’t even see a hint of light at the end of the tunnel. He’s even taken away the hope of kids. Help. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 2450,"Title: I wish I could lock myself away forever Text: I hate going outside and into public. I hate looking at myself in the mirror and knowing anyone I get to close to or interact with is put off by me. I hate just being alive and needing to interact with others. I just want to be alone in my room forever, not needing to go out into public, where I can just stay chronically online entertaining myself and not having to even talk with anyone on there. I wish I died years ago,I’m not meant to be human and don’t even want to be. It’s just a burden at this point even knowing people look in my general direction, or even walk past me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2451,"Title: A rant Text: I've had so many people I considered friends at one point in my life, but they couldn't reciprocate the energy I gave them. You call someone a friend, but they treat you like an acquaintance. Now I don't know how to trust people and I have lost people who cared for me because of my insecurities. Friendship should be loving, kind and open, but what happens when some of the people you encounter think you are doing too much! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2452,"Title: I got hit by a brick and I didn’t even flinch Text: I bruise myself so I’m used to the feeling of something hitting me. My cousin tried throwing it next to me but hit me right in the thigh. I didn’t even flinch and he just apologised and looked at me in confusion. I have developed a super power. XD Edit: omg this blew up. Thanks for making my day! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2453,"Title: I just cut myself at school... Text: Almost everything that could have gone wrong did, I dropped the bandaid I got blood on my hands (without realising) and there was somone taking a shit next to me so I was trying to be as silent as possible unwrapping bandaids.... I wanted to tell my friend about my intentions so he could convince me against it but I wasn't sure how cause I've only talked to him about sh through texting, it was too awkward to think about, so I just gave in and left to the bathroom. How do I talk to him about this? Like in person at school incase it happends again. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2454,"Title: DVA month Text: In honor of domestic violence month: I’m sharing this with the hope that I may be able to help someone else who is going through what I went through. Domestic violence is the most common killer of women around the world. If you or someone you know is going through a situation involving domestic violence, PLEASE PLEASE feel free to reach out at any time of day or night. I know that I would not be alive today if that had not been done for me. It has not been an easy road of recovery, but I can confidently say that I count my blessings every night that I escaped my abuser and that I now have the chance to live a healthy and happy life. I’m grateful for everyone that has stood by my side and who has helped and supported me along the way. I’m grateful that I’m rebuilding the wreckage that was done (by my abuser and also by me) and that I can live an honest and safe life today. I do not take the little things for granted and I cherish my family and friends more than anything else in the world. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2455,"Title: Feel free to join the discord for developing healthy habits Text: Its mainly focussed on making small improvements in your day-to-day life. I thought it would be nice to have a community to share struggles, achievements, and everything else that comes with starting out or starting up again. I also made fitness and meditation sections, to hopefully help each other out in these fields too! Feel free to join! [https://discord.gg/QGaBrhPY](https://discord.gg/QGaBrhPY) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2456,"Title: Does anyone relate? Text: Okay so I relapsed in self-harm recently, and I've been talking to my therapist about how it's not that I necessarily want to self-harm, or think I deserve to be hurt, rather I need to. Like there is a voice in my head that is telling me I have to cut myself. I don't know what would happen if I don't, I've never not listened to this voice. This voice extends towards other things such as piercing my own ears or hitting myself on the head. I have little to no control over it. Can anyone relate to this? I have diagnoses of anxiety, bipolar, and possibly BPD. My therapist said this could sound like OCD because it sounds like a compulsion, but I don't think it is. Any advice? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2457,"Title: I've ruined my life Text: I pray everyday God takes my life. But it seems that the people who want to die are left in agony in this world while the people who want to live are the ones taken instead. It may sound strange but whenever I hear of an accident/ murder/ a terminal illness reported on the news I get jealous. Why not me? those people have so much to live for, why not me? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2458,"Title: How did you plan your escape? Text: Hi. I’m in the thinking and planning process of leaving my boyfriend. We’ve lived together for years. I should have money to move/disappear soon. Can you please share your detailed planning and actually getting out experience? It will give me hope and possibly even strategy. Thank you. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2459,"Title: Did I hit the fat layer? Text: In the midst of cutting myself, some yellow and ""bubbly"" stuff got exposed in one of the cuts that I made on my arm... I'm assuming that this is the fat layer? I've got next to no knowledge in the human anatomy, so I'm not sure what I hit. Personally, the sight of it makes me gag, and nearly made me vomit. Additionally, it made me nauseous, and I was getting close to passing out. Two hours have passed since I relapsed, and I still feel nauseous thinking about it. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2460,"Title: I feel hopeless at 22 years old. I’m not sure if I’ll make it to 2023. Text: I just don’t know anymore, with how everything is going I feel hopeless and like a failure. I want to believe that things will get better but I don’t think it will. Any dreams or goals feel impossible. As bad as it sounds I want to stream and make YouTube videos but I have no energy. I want to be a dad in the future but I don’t think I’ll be able to afford a child. A part of me has just completely given up. I don’t think I’ll ever have a long term partner at all. I just feel so hopeless. I feel like death might be the only escape. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2461,"Title: just a question Text: there's a girl in my class who I think cuts herself (she has a bunch of scars on her arm) but I don't want to address it if I'm wrong so idk. I don't even know her that well we went to elementary school together though. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2462,"Title: TW: self-harm as a form of punishment Text: I think I sh mainly as a way to punish myself. When I have a bad day or I fail a test or do something stupid, instead of choosing to work on myself or analyze the problem and change things I just tell myself to cut. And I don't do it when I'm exhausted, but usually I do and it's shallow and I feel bad about it. On one hand, it feels like sh is a means for me to control that one part of myself that's destroying me, but on the other hand it feels like I just do it to give myself the idea I'm doing something about my problems, while it only upholds the vicious cycle trapped myself in. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2463,"Title: I really want to hang myself tonight Text: Everything hurts. Physically I feel like shit. Mentally I feel like shit. I’ve been in therapy and on meds for 2 years. A week ago I started self harming and upped my lexapro dose to 20mg from 15. I know I’m probably not supposed to do that, but it’s still in the safe range. Not that it’s easy to overdose on lexapro anyway. I did my research. Now I feel even worse. No energy, this weird ache in my chest that just feels like sadness. It seems like it would be so easy to rope myself up to my ceiling fan and take a step off of my bed. I don’t even have to do anything, just fall. I’m so tired. I have homework due tonight and I know for a fact that it’s not going to get done. If I kill myself it all goes away. It would save my parents a shit ton of money. Hell, after they get over my death they will be far better off. I don’t have any friends to worry about mourning me. Fuck. I’m so tired. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_active_ongoing" Question 2464,"Title: I'm Always an Option Text: I love how that for short bursts of time I'm wanted, not sexually but relationship wise. I have ""friends"" that will talk to me and be apart of my life and vice versa. Then someone else comes along and I'm all but forgotten. I don't live in the same town as a lot of my ""friends"" so I get it. You need the physical person to be there. But that doesn't have to be the case. Because when they do that what am I, chopped liver? I have a fee friends in three different cities and two different states. I just don't get it. If they rather not talk to me, then just fucking tell me. I'm a big boy, I'm I'm my mid fucking 30s. If you don't want to talk or be friends just tell me. I hate being played or needing someone to talk to then getting ghosted. If I ever offended someone I can apologize if I'm let known about it. I can't read minds. I keep to my self 99% of the time. Life just sucks. Especially in 2022. It's not like it was in the mid 2000s or even 90s. People have just changed, shut down, don't care. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2465,"Title: Where do I belong? Text: Continuing my journey of face to face classes, something happened today that made me rethink my status in friendship. So today, we had a practice for our role play, and I'm the president so obviously I had to take over in managing the actors (aka my classmates), and I noticed that my bestfriend (calling her A) kept talking to my old classmate (calling him that because he was my old classmate from my old school who transferred to my new school, we're classmates anyway now). Anyway, the way she sneakily talked to him and just let me feel sad, I mean, I know I don't have the right to own her or whatsoever, but it felt disappointing seeing them so happy and I had to be serious. I guess it involves my attachment issues, because I get attached easily to people I newly meet even. Continuing, I felt more and more uncomfy as they went to a farther area to just talk, it honestly made me think, ""Am I annoying her? Is she getting tired of me?"" , considering that me and her have been friends for over a year now. Anyway, ""A"" and my old classmate (along with another friend) are at the mall right now, and it makes me sadder that they'll most likely get closer and might even talk bad about me or shit, I don't know what to think anymore. Going back, after the practice, I went home and suddenly got filled with thoughts, ""Do they find me annoying at School?"", ""Am I smelly that they don't wanna go near me?"", ""Am I getting annoying for being loud?"", and more and more thoughts. Along with those thoughts, I then started thinking, ""Which friend group do I actually belong in? Do I even belong in one?"", I thought as I looked back to my old friend group (still my friends now), where I can't relate to them anymore since they study in a school different from mine, while my friend group in my current school, well, I don't feel that I belong there. This is one question that always came up my mind but I left unanswered as I denied it countless times, but, I actually wanna know now, do I actually belong in a friend group? and if so, where? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2466,"Title: Any advice is appreciated here. This is something I cannot ignore and I dont really know what to do Text: I am scared for my safety and the safety of the woman living next door to me. The man who lives with her is violent, loud and shameless. I have heard him name calling but never heard anything like last night. Last night for over 5 hours he was screaming, slamming doors, banging furniture and making so much noise. At a certain point i hear her ugly crying and begging him ""please."" In the midst of all of the loud banging noises. I asked people close to me what I should do and all of them told me to mind my own business and not to call the police. I am one to take advice if I believe my best interest is in mind. But now I am regretting that I never called. I also noticed that it is suggested not to call the police over furniture being damaged as this is not actually something you can be arrested for. I reported the incident to my apartment complex but now I am feeling nervous that he might direct his anger towards me next. Sigh. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2467,"Title: age 4-15 my dad raped me Text: Just coming on here like it’s a journal entry it’s very therapeutic to write but finding a community who will listen and i feel comfortable enough to share with is comforting, so I’m technically a middle child two older brothers then me and 4 younger siblings. I was 4 when this started my dad was always physically abusive towards my mom dogs and eventually us my mom when to jail when i was 4 she was wrongfully locked up and we became homeless that’s a whole other can of worms so being the only girl with all brothers and my dad i felt super alone and when it started it hurt and made me scared i would cry and ask for it to stop but he would drill it into my head that this is what love is this is what people do when they love you dearly but he told me that it was special between us and that nobody could know or else i would get in trouble and it wouldn’t be special anymore and, getting in trouble means my ass was beat and my brothers to because he knew i didn’t care if i was hurt but i cared about my brothers more than myself so he roped them into punishment for me. I was practically brainwashed to believe everything he told me. He showed me porn a lot and would show me tinker bell and little mermaid porn to Disney stuff which looking back now is fucken awful he did it to entice me into watching cause he got off to it. When i was 14 he got engaged to a white lady named Christy she had two daughters and a son but this is also when I started sex Ed classes that’s when i learned that what was happening to me was more than me just not liking it it was my gut telling me this is horribly wrong this is rape but learning that turned my whole world upside down i started to have more frequent panic attacks and started to fight back more which he noticed i wasn’t being as lenient as usual i would fight back here and there but this lit a fire in me and he noticed so he got more strict i wasn’t allowed to have any social media my phone only let me text him he had parent controls on them and he started bribing me with money and guilt tripping me saying that i would ruin everything he worked so hard for and that my brothers would hate me and we’d be homeless agian so that kept my mouth shut but i started self harming and i developed a huge eating disorder triggered by this Christy lady he married I’d explain why she trigged it but once agian a whole other can of worms. So things got really bad then my mom was let out i was about to turn 15 and we were one week with mom and one week with dad and Christy and i would stay with my mom for a day longer me and her came up with any excuse but she got suspicious and asked me if i was ok i lied because she only had a one room apartment so not all of us could fit and each week it was only 3 of us that could see her and we’d switch which kids got to go every other week but i would beg to go every week it was moms week and after awhile i tried to take my life while at my dads because he didn’t let me go with my mom that week and i was scared to fall asleep because i was always woken up to him waking me up to do u kno what so i took a whole bottle of the strongest ibuprofen and almost succeeded i woke up in the ICU to my mom and moms family around me and well after that i told my mom and if you’d like to know what happened next lmk just dunno if people will even bother reading till the end but this is more so for me to find people to vent to and connect with For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","suicideideation_active_past, rape_past, selfharm_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 2468,"Title: College must be so much fun if you have friends Text: Today I was walking through campus listening to music. The sun was out, it was warm, it was Friday afternoon, and people were all over. Couples holding hands, people playing Spikeball on the grass, groups of friends eating together and laughing... it was almost surreal. Like I was character in a movie that just experienced some sort of tragedy and was having trouble readjusting to society as I walked past groups of people living their happy, normal lives - except that I've experienced no tragedy - I'm just boring and can't make friends anymore. I haven't clicked with anyone in years, romantic or platonic. I'm going to graduate soon . I wasted 4 years that were supposed to be among the most fun in my life. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2469,"Title: I was raped on valentines day and now my rapist is pregnant without a chance to get an abortion. Text: I don’t know what to do, on valentines day i was raped, i asked for advice here but ultimately decided to leave it because i was scared and i didn’t want everyone to think of me as weak or anything like that, i was the only person that knew. about a month after it happened the corona virus broke out and we went on lockdown, so i left it alone and stopped thinking about it, i know it was the wrong thing to do but it worked, a week ago the girl that raped me at the party texted me, she asked if she could come over to talk to me about something, but it brought back unpleasant memories and i got scared, so i ignored her message, she kept on messaging me so on friday i answered it. she asked if she could come around, but alot of the time i don’t even feel safe on my own couch anymore, so i asked her if we could meet in public. she said that was fine and we met at a park, close to her house. i sat down next to her and asked her what was important and she told me she was pregnant, i thought she was joking but then she showed me the bump and it was pretty obvious. i asked if she was getting an abortion. she said that by the time she had noticed she was pregnant everything had gone into lockdown and nothing was open, she said it took to long to open back up and that all the ones that are open now say it’s too late to have one unless there’s risk to her during the birth. i can’t think of anything else now and i’m worried again, i need help because i don’t know what to do. i want to die because i will have to explain this to my parents but i still don’t want anyone to think i’m weak. please help me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 2470,"Title: Finally leaving Text: My husband (m33) and I (f31) have been together for just over 8 years and married for 5. Last week in the heat of an argument he attempted to strangle me. Luckily he let go before I passed out and ran from our home before I could catch my breath. He went to stay with a trusted family member who lives about 2 hours away so I knew I wasn’t in anymore immediate danger. At first I was in shock but right away fell into my groomed routine of blaming myself for not leaving him alone and forcing conversation when he is still upset. I couldn’t sleep all night, especially since I was trying to lay in our bed where the strangulation occurred. At about 4 AM I decided to take a chance and call the national domestic violence hotline to consult regarding my situation. The very kind and patient woman on the other line walked me through our history of abuse (mostly verbal and emotional but also some physical- primarily pushing) and help me understand that my situation was not going to improve and it was absolutely time to leave. She helped me understand the very strong correlations between strangulation and homicide and I just realized this was not some thing we were going to be able to come back from and would likely continue to escalate. I left the next morning to stay with my brother on the other side of the state to ensure I was safe. I came back to my area and have been staying with my parents since. I am so incredibly lucky to have family support but it’s been hard to face them all when they saw these signs all along. Yesterday my parents and I moved my stuff out of our marital home. I insured my soon to be ex would be with our trusted family member for the weekend so the move has been relatively smooth. I was able to file a police report and the officer told me he thinks there’s enough evidence for an arrest. In the beginning of the week I was really struggling with the guilt of contacting police and the possible consequences for him. However with support of my family I was coming closer and closer to feeling comfortable with knowing that I needed to take care of myself and myself only at this point. Then yesterday when I arrived back into our home there was a note waiting for me from my soon to be ex with a half assed apology and a request to be “reasonable” with one another as we move through this separation/divorce process. Something inside me absolutely snapped and I realized just how manipulative this man was. For the first time I saw his words for exactly what they were, nothing more than a attempt to manipulate me into protecting himself instead of me. Once I was calm and no longer cursing at the world I called the police department and gave my statement with zero guilt for his consequences. I know this journey is going to be long and painful but I truly believe I am doing the right thing for myself for the first time in a long time. I am hoping to find some support groups to help me get through this. Any suggestions/advice would be helpful. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 2471,"Title: I'm skipping school because of this bastard Text: In school tomz I have pshe and we are talking about rape and sexual offences, and I was recently raped .... and I really dont want to go because I really cba to have a panic attack in the middle of class...and yes I have tried to talk to the school about this.. i know this is in /rape posts but I can't find any other subraddits to post in but is there any tips for not getting caught? Sorry if u find this offensive... I just don't know what to do For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2472,"Title: Am I still considered a virgin? Text: So If the two times I had ""sex"" were actually rape, Am I still considered a virgin? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2473,"Title: can anyone explain? Text: I'll never understand why we don't get an out button. It's my life, not anyone else's. I work in a thankless profession, my life around me that I've worked so long to have is crumbling around me, and despite my best efforts to do good, I just end up hurting the ones I love the most. Memories fade, I don't matter, it's my life and my body. Can someone explain the historical/political/social motivation of why suicide in the US is not socially acceptable? Who says we don't get an out button? Who says??? I'll never f*cking get it. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2474,"Title: oops Text: almost exactly 3 years clean down the drain :D but hey at least i didnt go too far edit: just yesterday i was getting happy bc i noticed the scars from the last time were less noticeable and finally foundation kind of helps cover them a bit so i might be able to get away with short sleeves in front of family again :’) thankfully this time it was upper thighs so it isnt really going to affect me but also i stopped last time because i realized how bad it would be if someone were to notice and now not having that element makes me afraid i wont be able to stop For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2475,"Title: I think tonight is when I kill myself Text: My partner and I broke up approximately 15 months ago. For 12 of those months, we had to continue living together. But now we are firmly broken up. She is dating someone new and I am alone. I know that I am ugly and that not only will I never find anyone as attractive as her I know that I will be forever alone. This fact has become unbearable and I simply cannot continue on like this anymore. I'm not really sure why I'm posting this here but it seems to be a thing to do. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2476,"Title: My boyfriend saw my scars Text: My boyfriend was over the other night. He was laying in bed while I was doing some skin care, we were laughing at something and I walked over to kiss him. I was wearing one of his shirts, and when I got close, he reached out and gently traced some healing marks on my thighs. I just stood there and he said softly, “stop harming yourself”. I had to hug him. It made me want to cry. I don’t think he realised how much that little gesture of care meant to me. I want to be kinder to myself. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 2477,"Title: open to chat Text: Does anyone need to talk/vent. I'm open to listen For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2478,"Title: Making friends seems like an impossible task . I feel like it’s just luck Text: I’m at college . Most people talk to each other in class and I really try to talk but no one seems to stick to me for long . They’ve already formed groups and I am left out . I can’t just barge in I have to naturally become friends with them but like how ?? I swear it must be some luck because I remember some dude from my first class this year managed to get lucky by interacting with a group of people and has now has friends but he doesn’t seem in any way more socially outgoing than me he just kind of was at the right place at the right time . It’s so frustrating it’s hard not to feel defeated when I walk into college and see people with friends and their partners . I am missing a core part of the human experience I don’t even know hy For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2479,"Title: I was raped when I was 14 Text: I’m a male. I was dog sitting for a neighbor. They loved a couple miles away so I would walk or ride a scooter there. I always used to take this fire road the cut behind a housing development. On the one side was the development and the other side was a lot of trees and bushes. One day I rode my scooter and when I got to the fire road I had to carry it. About half way up a guy came out of the trees and grabbed me and pulled me in. He threw me around and beat me and I wasn’t unconscious but I was really out of it at that point. I never had the chance to try and fight back. I can’t even remember the guys face, but I remember what it felt like when he took ok my pants and what he did next. When he was done he just bolted and I just stayed there on the ground for a while. I was pretty bruised up so finally I called my mom and told her that I had fallen on my scooter and hurt myself and asked her to pick me up. She said no that I was fine and to walk home. I was so terrified to walk home that I decided to wait until the neighbor got home to ask her for a ride. She didn’t get home before my mom sent my brother to tell me to come home. He took my scooter in the car and she said he couldn’t give me a ride. Obviously none of them knew what had happened and I couldn’t tell them now. I never told anyone until my wife very recently. I never told any of my therapists and I suffer from depression, anxiety and PTSD. I’ve been diagnosed from bi-polar to BPD but right now I don’t have health insurance or a doctor because we can’t afford it. Lately it’s been getting bad because I’ve started having nightmares about it happening, which is new. I feel like I’m trying harder and harder to push it down and forget about it and so it’s starting to come back with more force. I’m still scared to leave my house some times. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 2480,"Title: my guy ‘friend’ won’t stop telling people Text: [this is what this guy did to me btw](https://www.reddit.com/r/sexualassault/comments/x0ne65/sexual_assault/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf), he does stuff like this every time i’m with him and he gets mad and butt hurt each time i say no and push him away, then he keeps going, it’s like a circle of the same shit. like practise what u preach lol anyways i’ve been sleeping with this guy since may on and off, he always keeps touching me even when i say no and stuff but that’s a different story,^^ just so y’all understand that he’s also disgusting and have rape tendencies even if he claims that he’s a good guy! his friend raped me back in may, and he cut him off ofc but now like every time i’m with him or when we’re with his other friends: to prove he’s a good guy he always says ‘remember when alex did that to you? he was my friend but i cut him off for you bc i’m a good guy’ like he wants some fucking award or some shit?? and the worst part is that he says it in front of his friends too, he did it again yesterday. he has no feeling of remorse honestly and just says it like it’s nothing while i’m just sitting there listening, trying to hold my tears not to embarrass myself:) like every time we’re with someone ‘this is the girl that alex attacked and forced himself on’?? i hate men, you don’t get an award for being a decent human being. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","sexualharassment_ongoing, rape_past" Question 2481,"Title: One of my students always walk up and just hugged me out of the blue. I almost cried everytime Text: So I'm 15 and I work at a gymnastics training center and I work the summer camps there so I only have the same students for a week and then they change. The past few weeks I've been having a lot of trouble with harming and my thoughts. This week it's really affected the way I look. I just seem sad a lot. So one of my kids that I'm teaching let's call him Mason just came up to me and hugged me. I said ""what was that for?"" And goes ""You looked sad. So I thought you needed a hug"" I almost cried. Yep he's 5. And now everytime we change activities or something he has to give me a hug and there's literally nothing you can do to stop him. It brightens my day everytime he does it. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2482,"Title: Now? Text: I’m sitting in a dark park with a pack of blades. Trying to find the courage to go. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2483,"Title: I don't want to do it anymore Text: I've been drawing, cooking, walking, writing! but I can't stop this urge to burn myself!! How do I stop? How long does it take? Why is my antidepressants only working on my anxiety?!?!?! I used to have too much anxiety to actually burn myself, just heat up the skin enough that it stinged for a few minutes! Now it's exalated so much in the past 2 weeks!! Blisters is bearly enough!!! I have impulse control issues, and I'm terrified it's going to be a real problem if I'm left alone; but I can't tell my family. I just need to make it to the 19th... For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2484,"Title: I didn’t ask to be here Text: By the time I reached my early 30’s, as a bright, resilient, excited seeker of reality, expanded perspective, and learner of how to be… compassionate heart, compassionate mind, kind, genuine, selfless, beautiful, a light….the result was… it is lonely at the top. No one else was there with me. The rest of the world just isn’t there. I was a light but I only got stomped on, steamrolled, backstabbed, betrayed, taken advantage of, extinguished, by this piece of shit world. Everyone is actually awful. I hate everyone. Everyone is a monster. Even the few I love the most in the world don’t love me when all I do is love them, even my precious 3yr old daughter. And as time has gone on, there is no one who knows me well, no one who has been there through every stage of my life, not even my parents. No one who understands me or cares to, not even the woman I fell harder in love with than anyone previously in the world. I went after her, I got her, and she only pretends to love me. I’m successful, good looking, intelligent, kind... but I’m just not made for this world. I always pictured as a kid that in the future things are all figured out and the world is at peace. I used to think maybe if I was born a couple thousand years down the road it would be a nice world. But now I know we won’t even exist then, AI will merge with us and destroy us if we don’t destroy ourselves first. My mom used to say in anger to me “I brought you into this world and I can take you out!” By the time I was 4 I started asking her to please do that. My mom let my stepdad abuse me from 10-15yrs old then abandoned me never to see me again. Now that I have a kid if my own, how could she do that?! Wtf. I swear I’m not trying to be victim-ey. It’s just facts. The scars don’t heal. I have done my best and now I don’t see the point. The only thing that has made me hesitate lately is my daughter but she is so young she won’t remember me or be hurt too badly. It is a shame she won’t remember how much I love her though. I just don’t see the point of piling on more and more pain for another few decades and then dying some lame gross old people death. I don’t understand why people try so hard to live, or look down on suicide. They are actually the weak ones, not brave enough to face death. It takes courage, strength and determination to end it. I can’t even handle more pain. My heart feels like rained-on soil in a muddy graveyard. It feels like there is no end to loss and hurt. To continue is absurd. For the sake of my daughter I may try a ketamine clinic treatment tomorrow. Which I know is weak “to continue” but…if that doesn’t do shit, shotgun it is. I hate it here. I hate everyone. All people do is hurt other people. I can be a monster and hurt back to survive but that’s not my nature. I wasn’t meant for this place. Ketamine treatment experiment, then ole 12ga. shotty. My consciousness will be so much happier when liberated from this lower-dimensional temporary vessel. I’ve been processing this for years. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","suicideideation_active_ongoing, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 2485,"Title: I dont ever get meaningful texts. Text: Im not sure when it stopped. I dont get any notifications except from my school email about my semester fees and upcoming assignments. Every morning i wake up hoping to see something on my telegram or whatsapp but radio silence. Even most of my reddit posts on the depression subs get no/little traction. I have an assignment due at 2359 that ive been procrastinating for 2 weeks. fuck sake. i hate this shit. today is friday night and literally every family member went to hang out outside. even my deadbeat prick father has a friend group. not sure how. karma for sure does not exist For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2486,"Title: I'm graduating this 24th Text: Hey guys I'm graduating college! I never thought I would make it. But I did. Things are going well for me. I feel normal. FOR NOW. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2487,"Title: 2 years ago my best friend left me for a new one and i still cant get over it. Text: Our friendship lasted so long and it was the best friendship I've even had, but they left me for someone new they met. I'm so jealous cuz they left me and had a friend still and i was left with noone. Im autistic and its so hard for me to make friends and even if i make them out bond isnt strong enough or i have hard time opening up. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2488,"Title: My step dad Text: Im now a 14 year old female. But when i was the age of 9 my mom just had my baby sister and was going through post-partum depression. And he was starting to get bored. I started developing at a very young age and had to wear sports bras. And i turned into the target. One day i was playing minecraft in my room in my sweat pants and tee-shirt sitting on the floor. He said ""hey juju whatchu doing"" we had a normal conversation as he got closer he kept gettng closer and closer until he got to my face. Then he kissed me i tryed pushing him off but he grabbed me. He pulled off my shirt and started at me. I was frozen and scared. He pulled off my pants and layed me down. He started touching my private areas and said be quiet for me. I started crying as he played around down there. And after wards he left me there i was shaking scared and i was bleeding. My mom found me but she didnt care so i never found peace. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 2489,"Title: Shopping with scars Text: So today I went shopping with my mum. I wanted to buy new pants and t-shirts. First I thought like no I can't buy shirts, because of my scars and she is ashamed. But I was surprised, I went to the changing cabine and tried on t-shirts. I was not going outside of it to show her because of other people but she opened the cabine and said her opinion on the shirts. It was great, I mean no judgement again and it was like she finally accepted my scars. It was good that I didn't cut on arms before because of summer. So she wasn't mad. It is still awkward and I also wear long sleeves or shirts with jacket above at home, in public and at work. I am glad to have shirts now, because hoodies are not good in summer, I don't want to overheat. I think one day I am able to go outside just with the shirt and no jacket, but first I need to move out because my parents would kill me for it 😅 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 2490,"Title: Placement Text: this might be a bit sensitive for some people im not sure. So ive been having hard urges for SH and I dont wanna go over scars on my upper arm, and i cant do it near my elbow to wrist because what about if i need to do dishes, theres scars there already, what do i do. I cant do my thighs because im been trying to be clean from them so i can wear my shortz, but i mean its not like i wear booty shorts. idk. I cant do my other arm cause its a shield for the other and its summer rn, i really hate this. Maybe ill fuck up and do the usualy or lose my clean streak once again. My poor thigh scars that rose are nearly white, obv the white styros are still there but is it that worth it? Maybe I'll be a girly pop and not do anything but im on my last thread y'know 😜 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2491,"Title: I feel like people who “only self harm for attention” still deserve to be taken seriously Text: At the end of the day, they are still self harmers. No matter what their reasoning might be. I get that certain people can take it too far and make the rest of us look bad but they still do struggle with these things. Attention seeking behavior often stems from neglect as a child or similar poor upbringings, these people are struggling as much as the rest of us. Yes harming for attention is not the way to do things, but neither is harming for any other reason. These people still have a place in our spaces and still deserve to get the help they need. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2492,"Title: i want to run away but idk where to go Text: i want to find a random field and just lay there by myself. idk if i want to cry or scream or lay in silence but i just want to be completely isolated. maybe even lay there until my body starts giving up on me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2493,"Title: all i got to say is. Text: we all been there, we all have been going thro stuff, we all have been suffering, we all have been struggeling, but suicide isn’t the end of the pain, the pain continues and will allways continue. what a human needs is love, love is the key for life, love is the meaning of life without love there wouldn’t be life, we all need love. if you’ve read this i hope you wake up and see what you actually need you’re strong! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2494,"Title: No beating around the bush...wil I need to seek anti depressants Text: I know I am Clinically depressed. Do I accept it and deny it and let it take control of my life? yes i do. Am I doing anything againt it?no I have been experiencing extreme levels of anxiety just doing Day to day tasks, I can still function at work but people can see something is up and I constantly just shrug it off. it is starting to affect my job. I tried speaking to friends about it but I cannot get myself to open up about silly things like depression and my feelings...it just feels unnecessary and uncomfortable, yet the voice in the bag of my head says do it! but my whole vody and heart feels heavy just thinking about it so I never do it. I have seen a psychologist for many years of and on... not many sessions, normally if I am Realy stuck( I am at that point now) I will see him twice or three times, Make a big decision, go on with my life till the next rut 6 months later. He said I have clinical depression about 4 years ago, I keep telling myself that I dont believe it..I will pull myself together...I can do it on my own... but I never do. Everytime I see him he gently asks me to go to a psychiatrist but I just cannot get myself to take that step... so I always stop seeing him at that point. I think it is just to whole stereotype of depression and depressed people that annoys me and I do not want to be associated with that. How often does a person get out of ""clinical depression"" on their own? I know the answer is probably very Little since I have been living this life since as early as I remember.... Currently at age 28 it feels like I need to make drastic changes to my life but I am to scared/ uncertain to do anything I For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2495,"Title: My Rapist passed a polygraph Text: My rapist’s defense lawyer stated in a court hearing that his client is innocent because he “passed a polygraph.” Now I know they are inadmissible in court, but this has only added to my feelings of self-doubt and questioning what happened to me. I have no idea what exact questions he was asked and supposedly passed on the polygraph. His lawyer was sure not to go into detail about it. I just DON’T understand how he could have passed a polygraph, when I KNOW that he had sex with my body as I was in and out of consciousness and incapacitated. Someone please help me understand how he passed. He admits having sex with me but claims it was consensual. It was not consensual. So How the fuck did he pass a polygraph. Please help me understand. I am not lying. I’ve been honest from the very beginning. Where is my confirmation that I’m telling the truth? Seeking reassurance. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2496,"Title: I just hit beans for the first time Text: I'm honestly really scared, I wasn't trying to hit beans, it just happened , it's not a large cut, i could honestly only see one ""bean"" , out of all the Styro and i have no idea how to clean it up, I don't want to go to the hospital to get stitches, the bleeding stopped everything, I'm just scared to get a infection. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2497,"Title: I feel im getting out of control Text: I think i first cut myself around the beginning of summer, but i didn't do it again until begging of september. that's when i told my therapist about it (im unfortunately not in therapy anymore) and she made me tell my mom, so i did. but back then it was only few small cuts and i told her im not gonna do it again. however recently i started cutting more and more and im scared its getting out of control, but i dont wanna tell my parents about it, because i know their reaction is gonna be very emotional and my mom might even cry or be upset that i broke my promise and her emotional reaction is gonna be very uncomfortable for me but im really scared that im gonna get seriously addicted if i don't do something about it. also, i kinda feel like if i stop now then that's gonna mean my struggle wasnt ever serious if i stopped so quickly and i kinda want my struggle to be serious, so in the future i could look back and be proud of myself? that's probably stupid im sorry For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2498,"Title: More than 1 abusive partner Text: Is it ""normal"" or common for a person to separate from one abusive relationship only to run right into a worse one? Are we more easily manipulated when so vulnerable? Is it mistaking danger for safety? Or is a con artist sometimes so good they could fool anyone? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2499,"Title: Chat? Text: Please can someone talk with me if possible? Anxious and in need and waiting for other conversation here isn’t helping. Thanks in advance if anyone sees For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2500,"Title: It has officially been a month since I last self harmed. I’m honestly proud of myself and feel hopeful with therapy Text: It’s not easy at all, especially during the days I feel like I’m losing to my emotions; but therapy has really been helping me exercise on how to communicate and express my feelings in a more healthier way. I believe there’s hope to completely end it one day. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 2501,"Title: Worry dolls Text: I just remembered that as a child, i used to have a very little bag under my pillow and in it were very little wood dolls. I think they were called worry dolls. At night, i would take them out from under my pillow and out of the bag, laid them on my pillow and talked to them, telling them every thing that was wrong. I remember that i gripped the little bag, cried and the tears dripped on it and it got wet. It never worked tho. One day, i think my mother threw them away, like everything that i kept to make me happy, because she didn't understand that i need it. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2502,"Title: Would it work? Text: Can i hang myself with sheet and tie it to a door handle? Would it be painfull? How long will it last? Will it work? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2503,"Title: Not grateful I survived my suicide attempt Text: Overdosed, was on a ventilator, in a short coma. When I came to told my boyfriend I should’ve taken more pills. I didn’t know I told him this because I thought I was talking to myself in a dream. He told me I cried. I don’t remember any of this but the feeling of deep depression getting deeper. Has anyone else felt this way? I keep seeing articles online of people being grateful they didn’t die. That they had a moment of clarity and realized their problems aren’t permanent. My clarity was joy that I thought I was dead. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","suicideideation_active_past, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 2504,"Title: A reaction to my scars Text: Just wanted to tell you about the reaction of someone close to me in my family that saw my self harm scars for the first time. At first they were like ""OH MY GOD what is this?"" I felt uncomfortable and replied ""Nothing"".. Then they immediately said ""Ahhh I know.. tattoos"" It was kind of cute that they wanted to reply to their own question with a silly answer and not make me feel uncomfortable.. During the rest of the day they said nothing else about them and not even looked at them again.. Hope you guys always get positive reactions that dont make you feel uncomfortable because i know that some people can be mean.. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 2505,"Title: I think my friends are insensitive to my SH now Text: I've been feeling really bad lately and I tried to talk to my friends but they know I've had problems with it in the past. So whenever I mention the fact I feel like I might do it, they just shrug it off. I cut myself really deeply earlier today and now I don't know who to tell. I've tried speaking to one of my friends but he just moved to conversation along. But I need to talk because I know I'm getting worse and I feel helpless like there's nothing I can do since my only support system isn't supporting me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2506,"Title: how tall of a building to you need to jump off to die? Text: I'm going to end things soon. I'm in Hell on earth. It's either carbon monoxide or jumping off. I'm going sky diving tomorrow for the first time to get an idea of what it feels like. I'm thinking it might be easier to jump to death. I haven't figured out how to do this by carbon monoxide yet. Having my will prepared by attorney this week. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2507,"Title: i think ive finally come to the conclusion that i do sh Text: i know that sounds ridiculous, because for one i wouldnt be on this sub if i didnt, and two i have literally brought a blade down onto my skin. but i dont know. one of my friends who also sh's wanted to make sure i was safe before going on a walk by myself today and i just finally realised like, wow, i am actually hurting myself. it doesnt make me eant to do it any less, which is sad i suppose, it just gives me a sense of satisfaction. like i'm actually valid because someone's lightly acknowledged it, i suppose, even if he didn't say the exact words. that's it, really. i wanna thank those in this sub, though, because the majority of you guys have really helped me feel more valid. <3 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2508,"Title: Please don’t try to talk me out of it Text: I have nothing left and I’m done, I’m truly just done. Is od’ing quick? Is it guaranteed to work? If I take like 50+ anti-depressants am I gone? I honestly don’t expect nobody to answer this I just want somewhat of a straight and honest answer. I will do it either way, I’m just curious. Do I write something to a loved one too? I feel like I’d like to thank them and such, really tell them what they meant to me. But would this not cause them a lot of pain, even if that person doesn’t want anything to do with me? I feel like it’s selfish in a way to say something but I feel the need to before I do this… but I also said I’d never contact them again so that’s a predicament I’m in… I’m not sure what to do about that For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2509,"Title: It doesn’t get better Text: I got out of the hospital a week ago and I’m on the edge again. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t even have life insurance, which means my partner will be saddled with my medical debt on top of the grief of losing me. I’m pathetic. I just want to disappear. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2510,"Title: I’m just Done Text: I’m just tired of the living with it. My girlfriend and I broke up 2 1/2 years ago and she just got married to some old guy yesterday. She obviously has move on but I can’t. I loved her and still do. We were together for 5 years until she gave up on waiting for me to ask her to marry me. I’ll never get over it. But whenever I try and talk about it with anyone like my sister or dad they all tell me the same thing “get over it. Move on”. It’s been 2 1/2 years and I haven’t so obviously I’m not going to. I’m miserable and have thought of suicide for awhile but didn’t do it because I believed it’d “get better “ Well it hasn’t and obviously it won’t. I have a smith 357 magnum and I think I’m ready now to do it. I’m just done. I want my old life and girl back to be my wife and I want kids with her but it’s probably never going to happen so I’m done living. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2511,"Title: 3 days ago was my birthday, I should’ve done it but my dog and a redditor saved my life Text: 3 days ago was my birthday. I am getting depressed when my birthday comes since it is supposed to be a happy day, but I know that nothing special will happen. My birthday was the worst, my friends didn’t even greet me, my boss fired up for some reason that wasn’t my fault and got mad at me, I ate alone and like nobody cares about me. I treated myself a good meal for my birthday, an Italian Spaghetti and Pepperoni Pizza. I thought of that as my last meal, and had cookies and cream ice cream for dessert. I would end it that night, or the day after tomorrow. I evaluated all the important persons in my life if I leave them. My mother would hurt, but I know she can manage. My brother doesn’t even care about me. My girlfriend is just using me since if she doesn’t have me, she’s nothing, and that’s the only reason why I haven’t left her since I know once I did that, she’ll kill herself. My “bestfriend” only talks to me when he have problems but when It is me who has problems, he’s not replying to me so I think I wouldn’t be a big loss for him. After hours of thinking and finally decided to do it, I remembered my dog. He would never understand what happened to me if I’d kill myself. I can’t stand the fact that he’ll wait for me to come back after a week, a month, a year, or until the day he dies because I am already dead. I cried and hugged my dog tightly. “You saved my life buddy. You’re the reason I’m still here” I said to him while he just stands there staring at me. After that, I just browsed reddit just today and saw something on my inbox. A stranger awarded my last post with a silver. “God loves you. Be easy on yourself.” He said to me. At that moment, I started to cry like a fucking bitch because even if I didn’t know him/her, I felt that someone hugged me and concerned about me. To you random redditor who gave a silver (I consider it a gold because of your kind words), I wanted to let you know that it is you who made my birthday special. I love you. To my dog, Bay, you’re the greatest doggo of all. Imma buy you all the treats you want. You’re the reason why I’m here. I love you so much. EDIT: WHAT THE FUCK GUYS MY INBOX IS GETTING FLOODED WITH SUPPORT, SILVERS AND A PLATINUM. I DIDN’T EXPECT THAT. I NEVER FELT LOVED LIKE THIS BEFORE. TO ALL WHO MESSAGED ME SAYING THAT THEY ARE GLAD THAT I’M STILL HERE, THANK YOU SO MUCH. ALSO THOSE PEOPLE WHO COMMENTED ON THIS POST. I CAN’T REPLY TO YOU ALL ONE BY ONE BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH. IMMA LET MY DOG KNOW THAT HE GOT SO MUCH RECOGNITION FOR BEING SUCH A GOOD BOI. THANK YOU SO MUCH STRANGERS WHO MADE ME FELT THAT THEY LOVE ME AND CARE FOR ME SO MUCH. I LOVE YOU!!!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️ For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_past Question 2512,"Title: Over 10 years and the pain keeps getting worse Text: I was raped and abused by a boy I thought was my 'boyfriend', at the ages of 11-13 and he was 15-17. Looking back on it now, the signs were there that he was just preying on me. I was a shy kid full of anxiety and was bullied a lot throughout my school life. At 6 foot he towered over me and I was scared of him. He made me his 'girlfriend' & told me he was doing it to protect me from the bullies. He pushed me into sexual things many many times because he wanted thanked for 'protecting me' and I was not strong enough to push him away when I said no. I pushed it to the back of my mind for the longest time, telling only my closest friend and my current girlfriend. At the beginning of this year I finally told my therapist, and ever since then I just can't contain my emotions. The pain of reliving the memories every day is just as bad as it was when it happened. Has talking about it essentially opened the door again? I shut it away for so long and now it's having the worst effect on my mental health. I heard through a friend that he's getting married, and he has a child now. The anger inside me is getting worse, is it normal to have so much hatred and anger? All I want to do is tell his fiance how he raped me and ruined my life, but I won't because I know that will not help the situation. I want to report it, but I know how these things go. It was over 10 years ago and it's basically his word against mine. I'm scared they will see me as a liar because I thought he was my boyfriend. But normal 15-17 year olds do not have sexual relations with an 11-13 year old. I have so much anger inside of me and I don't know what to do. (Edited for clarity because some people think it's appropriate to send me messages blaming me for what happened) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 2513,"Title: Help! My neighbor’s husband hit her Text: Yesterday I heard screaming from my driveway and ran outside to find my neighbor holding her ear and crying. Her husband slapped her while they were arguing and Nearly burst her eardrum! I stayed with her and her daughter while my husband told her’s to get lost. Her husband was acting like nothing was wrong and everything was totally normal. Eventually he took off and hasn’t been back since. I want to reach out to her and support her and was thinking of providing her with some resources like my cell phone number and maybe the DV hotline. I also want to let her know I would be willing to be a witness for her if she needed it. But I also don’t want to overstep and make her feel uncomfortable. What’s the best way to support her while being delicate and respectful?? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2514,"Title: I recently had a nervous breakdown and this was my family response Text: My family was not there for me. They said ""we all go through things"" after I had multiple anxiety attacks and a nervous breakdown. Isn't mental health just ""health""? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2515,"Title: The medical system in the United States is awful. Text: I have been diagnosed with seven different things throughout my life. Borderline personality disorder, anxiety, depression, insomnia, EDNOS, psychosis, and most recently ADHD. I had most of these conditions for all of my life, but due to my parents never believing i was ill, and the shitty medical system in America, i haven't gotten the proper treatment. My ADHD is my biggest struggle right now. It's only gotten worse and worse as i've gotten older, and now, the hyperactivity and inattention is destroying my life and makes me feel like i'm crawling out of my skin daily. I was finally able to start looking into therapy and medication options for my ADHD all the way back in March. It's August, and i still have not been put on medication. I did start therapy recently, and it can be helpful, but seems like she doesn't give a fuck about me most of the time. My treatment has been consistently put off and scheduled to a later date. Obviously, due to my mental problems i'm very impatient, so this has made it ten times worse. It's like the fucking medical system is mocking me. ""Oh you have a severe case of ADHD, as well as other unmanaged mental illnesses? Let's make you wait over half a year to get treatment, that'll be great for you."" The only time therapists, psychiatrists, and doctors seem to care about you is if you are dying or about to kill yourself. Otherwise, nobody gives a ahit about you, and i absolutely hate that about the medical system. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2516,"Title: I can't remember the last honest compliment I got.. Text: Seriously. I can't remember the last honest compliment someone gave me. About anything. Been lied to about things plenty, or people trying to be nice or show pity and say what they think I want to hear, but I really don't remember the last time someone actually liked literally anything about me. And I don't think I've ever been commented positively or complimented on anything physical at all. I know I don't deserve it and I'm actual shit, but you figure at some point someone would have something good to say about me. Maybe I am just that irredeemable. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2517,"Title: I did it, I stood up for myself 🙂 Text: I know these posts helped me through the darkest days and helped me see that *I was* worth fighting for, hopefully this can offer some hope too ❤️ Based on a previous convo I just want to say how fantastic law enforcement have been and generally just how supportive every professional has been to me. From DA specialist to the judge, even my solicitor, the estate agents, my doctor they have just all been so helpful and understanding and done everything they can to get me out of danger. They have all helped me see the abuse for what it is. No one has made me feel stupid, embarrassed or pitied. Nobody has forced me to disclose anything I don't want to, nobody has accused me of lying. So I just wanted to put a little message of hope out for us all. There is help and there are ways out, please don't be afraid of what people will say, just make sure you're safe ❤️ For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2518,"Title: Weird Symptom Text: Hey guys, I’m very curious as to if anyone else has experienced this before. About four years ago I went through the worst breakup and heartache I’ve ever and since gone through. During that, i developed a very strange symptom of what I’m assuming is anxiety? Every time I eat and begin to feel full/overstuff my face during periods of anxiety or in some heightened emotional state due to something bothering me, I begin to cry. It is almost reflexive. I often have to stop eating altogether because I literally cannot control the tears. I feel sadness when this happens but a very unique yet familiar kind. That sadness you feel after being yelled at as a child and then your parent offers you a meal as a sort of apology. So you sit there and eat while silently hiccuping from the sobs that plagued you earlier. That is the sadness I feel when this feeling begins. This happen to anyone else? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2519,"Title: what's the point of anything Text: What's the point of life, I myself don't really matter generally, if I die tomorow I would be probably forgotten about in a month, even without the philosophical shit, I just don't enjoy living in myself in this body, I hate every single charachtetistique about myself, my biggest wish is being anyone else rather then being me, I have such a deep hatred for myself, the worst part is no matter how much I try, I could never end my own life, I will always be me no matter how hard I try, and that's such a gut wrenching thought to me, I try to be as helpful to others to the point of being a people pleaser because I feel like utter shit if I don't do so, Im tired of myself. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2520,"Title: I want to share my excitement! Text: Hey everyone! Sorry to bug you, I just wanted to share my excitement, as there is noone to share it with! After talking to my coworker about her upcoming cruise and share her excitement, which was very much addictive, I booked 3, yes- call me crazy, 3 vacations for year 2023! She got me so pumped up, and considering I have been working literally daily to create an illusion of a meaningful life, I have finally decided, at the age of 38, to start living a bit more and explore the world! Granted, its going to be me, myself and I, but I cant freaking wait! Edit: Dear beatiful and lonely people. I am so blown away by the support, genuine happiness for a complete stranger, and your tips, tricks and amazing suggestions. You guys have made me smile, heck, I am still smiling. Thank you all! How I so wish I could take all of you with me! 💕 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2521,"Title: Still in shock!!! Text: Tonight he finally did what I never thought he'd do...HE HIT ME. I'm still in shock but he's going to see that he messed with the wrong woman. The authorities here are useless and I knew calling them would end up hearing them talk about sports with my manipulative ex and I'd be treated like another dumb desperate female who takes these jerks back. I know the drill. Monday I'll be filing a restraining order and will not look back. Yes, he's been very emotionally and verbally abusive but I've had enough. I ended the relationship tonight and he responded with violence. Losing control of me was an injury to his ego. I refuse to be abused anymore and that is my right. I took my power back and can't think of one thing I'll be losing by loving and respecting myself. Women are not objects! It's not easy to leave when you've been manipulated and consumed by a charming good looking man. Looks fade but a good man will always be beautiful. Thank you for your kind words and support💐 I heard the word Narcissistic abuse about a year ago and did a lot of reading and journaling. I knew what he was up to and yes he love bombed me with some 50 shades of grey mixed with The Notebook mixed with The Exorcist type of whirlwind. I never thought he'd hit me. I truly believe that's why he hated when I watched my true crime stories. He didn't want me to gain any strength or support from other's experiences. He failed. I will post a copy of the restraining order here as soon as I get it and I hope I can inspire you to dig deep and leave an abuser. Your love isn't what they need. Please look at your life and say this out loud ""this is my life as long as I'm with him"" "" This is what I'm settling for"" "" This isn't a man but a bully"" Being alone is soooo much better. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 2522,"Title: I had a personality once but now I can't remember who i am Text: J remember i used to be funny. I used to laugh and make jokes. I remember being able to hold a conversation with people. I wanted to know people and give back. I was shy but querky, talkative and funny around people who knew me. Now I'm nothing. I don't seem to laugh or smile anymore. I feel numb and unsatisfied with everything I do. EDIT: wow thank you everyone for your responses. I thought this post would go unanswered honestly but its so comforting and reassuring to know that I'm not alone. We just have to find the strength from somewhere to keep going on. On a side note.. I'm not sure if anyone else feels like this but.. I sometimes think part of the reason is I have this intense fear of losing people. So much in fact that i start believing In the values and hobbies of the people in my life in the hopes they'll like me and not leave. I just agree and comply with everything. I've done this for so long I just don't know who I am anymore. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2523,"Title: I beat myself up Text: I was angry and essentially throwing a tantrum but no one was around to see or hear. At first it felt good smacking my arms and legs, like scratching a bad itch. I thought it was a healthy release as long as no one found out. But then the next day I was shocked to see I had left bruises on myself. I've never had an episode this bad. Luckily it's winter time and I can cover them till they heal. I guess what I need is a list of healthy ways to be angry? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 2524,"Title: Bitter sweet Text: I have been married to a drugged out, controlling, abusive man for 6 years.. I have been kidnapped, beat, choked to unconsciousness, controlled, defamed, and had houses destroyed, sent to jail. He has called child services on me and much more.. I felt trapped, scared, and alone seeing that his family hates me. I filed for divorce and he threatened to kill me.. He kept sending police to my home...I CRIED everyday... The police got tired of him and caught on... They help me get a TPO.. I reported every call.. every unannounced visit , every threat... They put a warrant on him.. I went to court yesterday ... And he had the audacity to show up.... I was shaking... I got a year of protection, child support and I got to watch them LOCK HIS ASS UP. I felt so much relief. An abuser is strongest when you fear them... I couldn't take any more... He begged and pleaded like I had for years... I'm free... To those who fear talk to an investigator and fight back... To many people die because they keep things in.. I tell my Dad and my bestie everything... I will not be a victim anymore. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2525,"Title: That feeling Text: Do you ever get that wavering feeling when your upset like all the saddnsss gathered in your chest in a little ball then it kinda runs to your finger tips? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2526,"Title: Afraid of hell Text: Growing up in the church it was always known that if you committed suicide you would go straight to hell. This is the only thing that kept me alive this long. I feel like a prisoner. If I knew for a fact that hell didn’t exist I’d kill myself tonight with no worries. I’d have done it years ago in fact. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2527,"Title: Relapsed and I can’t stop Text: I relapsed a few weeks ago and have been having binge sessions pretty much every day. I don’t know what happened because I was doing decent-ish before. I have scars all over my body and it looks disgusting. I want a hug For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2528,"Title: Almost There Text: I have the money I need to buy a gun. Now all I need to do is figure out where to buy one and how to get the cash out of my account discretely because every time I use my card my parents won't mind there own fucking business and question my purchases. I'm 24 and I can't even buy gas without them monitoring my cards and questions what I'm doing and why I'm buying what I'm buying and i i know if they see i bought a gun theyll try and stop the transaction. But once I manage to get a hold of a gun I'm ending it as soon as possible. I'm sick of this shitty world. I'm sick of my family who don't really give a shit about me personally, only caring that I don't ruin their image and lives. I'm sick of having no real friends, only fake people who use me and then drop me the moment I'm no longer of any use. Im sick of trying and failing no matter how hard i try. I'm sick of everything about this world and I can't wait to no longer be apart of it For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2529,"Title: thinking about overdosing on pills, is there any reason not to? Text: I'm just tired at this point. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2530,"Title: I was about to tell a friend about my sh but she wasn’t supportive about selfharmers in general. Text: I was talking about how I frequent this sub to feel the encouraging words from one selfharmer to another. I was trying to tell her that I do it too. But she just cut me off and said she has had a friend who did it for attention. It felt like she was saying selfharming is just for attention seekers. So I didn’t tell her because she would’ve thought the same about me. I feel like shit. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2531,"Title: I want to die but I don't want to do it myself Text: I wish someone would kill me or I would get in an accident where I would die. Suicide leaves the family and friends with a bad stigma and a what could I have done better. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2532,"Title: Comfort a friend who was catcalled Text: Hi i am a 26M. I never had any female friends before but she has become a really good friend this past year or so. Recently, she was visiting me at my home and when she reached she said she was catcalled at by some random men in a car while waiting for public transport. I felt really disgusted and sad that she had to go through this and I wasn't able to think of anything to say to her, to comfort her. And i was mad at myself that i couldn't do anything about this and also that i should have picked her up from her home instead of letting her use public transport. I need some advice please on what to do in this situation and what to say to someone that had to go through this. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2533,"Title: My parents are away, I'm home alone and realized just how lonely I am Text: Everything's been perfectly normal, meeting with friends almost every day, you know normal things normal humans do, but for some reason I feel alone, I don't know why but a few hours by myself feels like a few years. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2534,"Title: So I Have 0 Friends And I Sometimes Talk To Myself Is That Normal? Text: I Hope I Am Not Crazy Since My Whole Childhood I Never Had Any Friends Never Had Anyone To Talk To To Play With To Hang Out With I Was Alone Jesus I Am A Fucking Joke For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2535,"Title: advice? Text: My friend is trying to leave her abusive boyfriend. Unfortunately they just had a baby 3 weeks ago. Everytime she tries to leave he basically holds the baby hostage because he knows she won't leave without her. Does anyone have any advice? I don't know if she would call the police for help. Nor do I know if that would do any good? Since they both technically have physical custody of the baby? Please help I am so scared for her safety. Edit: I can't believe the lack of help in our society for women in these kinds of situations. Not much the police can do. He took her phone even when she had her phone it had no actual service. He would let her use his wifi but of course he controlled when that was. When he leaves the apartment to go do drugs he has his friends post up outside to report to him anything that happens. I'm sick to my stomach and I don't know how to help my friend. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2536,"Title: i dont know where else to say this but i think i might kill myself right now Text: biggest fear is surviving and being paralyzed but I still think im going through with this im not leaving a note because i dont want to write one my grandma is also about to die just about now i didnt get to make an album like i wanted to but I guess I wont care about it ​ i told my friend im going to kill myself but then he said dont say that even as a joke and I called him a bozo this weekend about to suck for everyone For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2537,"Title: Tell me this. Text: Why am I the only one who reaches out when friends are quiet? Why do I have to be ones who organize everything? Why are there a lot of group chats im not included but being informed what being said? Why don’t any one reach me out when I’m injured? Why do they call themselves my friends but no one ever asked how I’m doing? I just want to know because I am tired. Tired of being there for people but no one is ever there for me. Sorry. I don’t really post this kinda shit but I need to talk to someone and I have literally no one. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2538,"Title: A letter to an abusive ex : A rant Text: TL;DR I am going through one of the happiest phases of my life and I am proud to have come out of an abusive relationship. Please don't try to hoover me back in, it simply won't work and I try not to make the same mistake twice. I wish you a very good life, a happy and a healthy relationship but not with me because 1. I do not want to live a life as your protector and safeguard-er when you are a full grown up adult and can do things yourself. 2. Don't tell me what to wear, how to walk what hairstyle to get etc. I will do whatever I like 3. I don't want to admonished for mistakes I make during a process which is intended towards the overall well being of the us. I want someone who has my back and says ""its ok"" when I do something wrong unintentionally. 4. I dont want words like ""mine"" and ""yours"" during an argument when everything was ""ours"". 5. I don't want to be hit, slapped, shamed in public or spit at. I love myself and I am worth more. 6. Don't keep telling me as if you are the only one I could find and I should be ""grateful you agreed to date me"". There are billions of women in this world and an overwhelming majority of them are nice, I will find someone. 7. I cannot cook for you, feed you and keep treating you like a princess when I have my own life to take care of. Also dont be angry for this one time in a hundred when I missed to say ""the food you cooked is delicious"". 8. After doing what all you did to me, don't tell me to remember the good times and the very few times you bought me gifts and treated me well. Because I deserve to be treated well ALL THE TIME. 9. Don't tell me ""you feel alone"" ""there is nobody to help"" ""I just want to hug someone"" after we broke up. Even now, its all about you and its not about me at all. I felt sad too, what about my feelings. I cannot come back just because you feel sad and need company. I am sorry. 10. I know that the moment you find someone else, you will talk shit about me to him and I will be worthless. I know because thats what you told me about your ex. I am sorry but you simply cannot hoover me back in. Please move on. I did love you but I don't anymore. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2539,"Title: I don’t have a birthday party since I was a kid because I don’t have enough friends Text: 10 days from now is my birthday. I decided to invite 2 friends (the only ones I have) to spend the day with me. My mom told me to invite at least 2 more friends, but I didn’t even know how to reply to that. I barely have any friends anymore. My old friends stopped talking to me. I feel so humiliated. I just want to cancel everything and tell the 2 friends I invited to not come anymore. I really don’t know what to do. I’m so stupid for thinking that I would have a fun birthday for once. I really envy people that have enough friends to throw a birthday party. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2540,"Title: Anyone ever want to be someones favourite person? Text: I wanna be someones favourite person, I wanna be someone first pick for a partner, I want someone who genuinely spends time with me, I want someone who texts first and checks on me, I want to be someone first consideration for going out with someone. Anyone else feel the same? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2541,"Title: disturbing recurring dreams - i need to talk about it Text: backstory: i (21F) was raped last year on christmas eve, by a friend i have known for a while, we have had casual sex before, consent had not really been discussed, i just let him do whatever to me. on that night i was passed out and dont remember anything that happened before i passed out but i was brought back to my senses from the pain of him forcing himself on me. i dissociated and tried to think myself away from the pain until he finished and i passed out again. i didnt think anything about it until the next day i told my friend what happened and she was shocked and brought me to the police right away to report him. i was more shocked about the realization that i was raped more than the actual act. to make it worse i realized how many times i had been used without my consent and thinking like ""thats what i get, thats what i deserve"" and not thinking that it was rape. i still cant stop blaming myself. like its all my fault that i put myself in those situations. i did not know that i had the option to say no, so the fault falls on me, i couldnt protect myself and in addition other girls that may end up with them, since i was the one enabling these behaviors. cant stop blaming myself for letting these things happen once i realized i had the option of saying no the whole time. i always end up in a loop of self blame and really cant see it any other way. the dreams: they are usually about me begging forgiveness from him- the guy that got reported. he was not a close friend to me, yet i feel such guilt for reporting him. the worst thing was that i was in some sick way, in love with him, even though he was not a person i could open up to or depend on. he only reached out to me when he was drunk or horny. "" how dare i report someone i ""loved""?"". today i had a dream of us accidentally meeting, us both crying about the experience and we held each other and cried together. it was disgustingly warm, this closeness, something i crave so much. and in the dream when i chocked up on my words from crying, my mom came and helped me explain myself and held us both. these dreams feel really wrong and prevent me from functioning normally during the day while the feelings linger. they happen at least once a month or more. they are always about me crying and looking for forgiveness and explaining myself why i did these things like report him and that i dont want him to hate me for it. that im so sorry i let this all happen and let the consequences fall on you. i have been to therapy(i have no more free sessions) and it has been made clear to me that none of this is my fault. but my subconscious just cant get over the self blame? i really want these dreams and thoughts to end. i constantly think about apologizing to him in real life to make these dreams end. i regret reporting him because i think i wouldnt be suffering so much if i had just kept my mouth shut. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2542,"Title: Warn my brothers girlfriend Text: My brother is in his 30s. He's beaten every girlfriend he has had. I really like his current girlfriend, but he's abusing her too. I want to tell her just to leave him, that it won't get better. How do I even do this? Is there any help for a man who beats on women? Sorry this is super vague. Update: I talked to her and confirmed he's abusing her. Most of the time he's great, but he just snaps. I told her his history and that she should leave him. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2543,"Title: A question that my friend asked. Text: My friend has this question, with a story along with it. So back in her freshmen year, she was dating her best friend And it lasted until sophomore year, But her s/o basically did things with her in public she was uncomfortable with Like he would run his hand up her thigh and stuff like that, literally touch her clothed area with no consent, he literally didn't ask any time at all But yet, she didn't say no, she was shocked or anxious to say no, so it just kept happening But, when she did tell him it was making her uncomfortable, (that was a couple months back when they were dating) , he said that she was ""no fun"" yet stopped only for a bit, but yet he kept going after She has no idea on what exactly happened, was it sexual harassment, sexual assault? Or just another ""boys with be boys"" moment. She is just confused that if she didn't say no or like, she didn't say anything it doesn't count as sexual harassment, like it's a silent consent thing if that makes sense. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2544,"Title: Update: she got out Text: Just wanted to post a message of hope for anyone who might need it. A few months ago I made (and then deleted just in case) a post asking for help supporting a friend to leave. Your comments were so helpful, especially the one that said, “my friends and family made it so that all I had to do was make the decision to leave, they took care of the rest.” Well, in the weeks that followed, as things escalated further, she told her manager, her family, and some friends. She asked a friend to call the police for first time. Friends pulled together to help her move, stepdad paid for moving costs, I came over and we cleaned the house with the help of abusive ex, with no violence, intimidation or escalation. Felt good being sweet as pie to him knowing that she was getting out and there was nothing he could do about it. Thank you to the people who helped me support her. It’s a long road and it’s been a different kind of hard now she is out and picking up the pieces, but she is safe! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2545,"Title: I walked up to talk to this girl I've seen around a couple of times and she laughed in my face. She then apologised and claimed her friend was making me laugh. So I gave her my number if she wants to do something. I know i probably won't hear from her though but I can't believe she laughed Text: I can't believe she laughed For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2546,"Title: Google Yourself - Safety Precautions Text: Hi 👋🏽 Literally google yourself. I just did and discovered both my new/old addresses. I’m going to pay for a service to get this fixed. Be safe everyone. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2547,"Title: Hi I’m finally coming to terms with how emotionally abusive my partner is and would like some support Text: *TW Self Harm* For a while I have known that my partner was abusive but I was also sort of in denial because of how much i loved them still. Last night they told me to go k*ll myself after I hadn’t responded to one of their messages, then telling me I should go abuse drugs again and relapse and all of these horrible things. I finally was able to gather up the strength to block them on everything but a couple hours later they text me on another number begging for my forgiveness, telling me how much they love me and then threatening me that they will hurt themselves if I actually leave. I just feels so hurt and confused right now, any support would be nice. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 2548,"Title: Is my brother abusing me? Text: Recently today i was playing VR in my living room when my brother who was across the room yelled at me to go somewhere else because the volume was to high mind you my headsets volume was at the 3rd to lowest setting for volume and the area i was in was already and established area of play for vr and all other spots in my home where unsuitable for vr use when i tried explaining this to him he once again said i need to move when i said know he ripped the headset off me and put me in a choke hold and told me once again to go somewhere else when i said no he tightened the hold further restricting my ability to breathe until i decided to stop doing vr and go to my room. Another incident occurred when i was downstairs watching tv and my brother told me to get off the tv because he wanted to use it despite the fact the had another tv in the house when i denied his request he put me in a hold and threatened to break my arm. Im not sure how i should handle this so i came here to get advice from people here For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2549,"Title: Relapsed pretty bad, and don't know if I want to stop Text: Advice needed. TW: some sh details. I really need to talk to someone about this, I am rather worried. I've always been good at regulating my sh instincts (cold water, grounding, sedative meds) and usually, small cuts sate that need if I really have to. But I relapsed two days ago, and I feel bad for saying this but it was the most satisfing cut I've had in years. I cut, and cut, and cut deeper than I've ever done before. The adrenaline rush didn't hit until much later on. I disinfected and wrapped it up, so I'm taking good care of it now. I don't care about scars, but I don't want infections (I'd also appreciate any advice on how to keep my blades clean/disinfected in case I relapse again). I don't know what this means. An urge inside me is pushing me to do it again, do it more, like my depression just won't be sated until I see blood. I've been getting extremely overwhelmed and suicidal lately, so my sh is a bit more severe than usual to keep myself grounded. Idk if an ice cube or a sedative would give the same satisfaction as of now. A part of me just wants blood, and that feeling of a cut. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 2550,"Title: Trying hard and getting nowhere Text: I (18M) know there is a such thing as trying to hard believe me been there done that and i’ve gotten better at seeing when there is no point in putting effort into a person but i wouldn’t even have to be looking if this didn’t happen, back in my senior year of high school i was in a pretty good relationship (so i thought) as things progress she seemed to get more and more obsessive and irritated towards me the thing that finally crossed the line for me was when she got up in front of my home room class and got in my face and screamed at me and stomped away i left her…… my bestfriend at the time mostly took her side mostly i thought it was because he was spineless and didn’t want her mad at him when she asked about me turns out he had a thing for her and when i left my girl i also lost my buddy, but i didn’t let it get to me i stayed confident for the most part had a few little relationships and even went out of my way to get in a relationship with the girl my “buddy” said was his soul mate that ended horribly but i still did it now after me and her parted ways i’ve been feeling kinda down i’ve tried to get on to dating apps but they are just not working for me i’ve tried to hit up a few people on Reddit to no avail and i figured there is no way for them(the first ex and the buddy) to be happy together mostly because i added her back on snap with the intention to mess up the relationship but after she added me back i stopped and thought to myself and couldn’t do it so i did the right thing and blocked her on everything erasing her out of my life, now i’m sitting here writing this post and realizing it’s probably all over the place i’ll answer any questions tho For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2551,"Title: I drew cuts on myself instead of cutting Text: I used black and red pen so they looked like open cuts. It felt a little funny to do this instead of actually cutting, at least at first. I was pretty surprised though that it still gave me the same feelings of release and calming down that I get from cutting. I usually like to look at/admire(I know thats a bad way to put it lol) my cuts afterwards throughout the healing process so the drawing also satisfied that aspect too. I'm cut free for over a week now and I don't plan on going back! Please feel free to message me if you want to talk, I would love to help anyone out that could use it or just to chat. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 2552,"Title: i accidentally hit styro im freaking out Text: i wasnt trying to cut deep at all, i always have just done cat scratches because i dont like blood. i was just upset earlier and took my dirty eyebrow razor to the outside of my arm, because it usually just leaves little white marks when i do that and i wasnt wanting to cut anyway so i was just gonna do that real quick and go to bed so i did it and then i saw the white layer of skin and had a panic attack and i couldnt breathe but i had paper towels in my room so i took a couple and held it to my arm and it bled for a while and i was freaking out and it stopped bleeding and i cleaned it up but im still so nervous. i took a clean washcloth and ran it under hot water, at this point the cut wasnt bleeding at all so i just wiped it over it and dabbed the wet washcloth all over it. the deep part of the cut isnt long at all, its very short. probably like half an inch or an inch. so anyway when i got it wet it didnt really hurt but it bled a little bit again so i freaked out and took triple antibiotic ointment and rubbed it all over the big bandaid, and when i put the bandaid on my arm i rubbed it around a bit so hopefully some of the ointment would go in the cut. im still shaking and i want to cry but im so tired and i have to go to school tomorrow and im still a little dizzy from the panic attack, its not from blood loss because again i hardly lost blood. just a lot of red lines on a paper towel. im just so shaky and i dont know what to do. i feel like my whole life is messed up i know im being dramatic but i am so anxious right now i have never cut that deep before i just want to stay home forever. is it gonna get infected?? im so scared, to be fair it looks like two claw marks from a cat so i could probably tell my parents if i needed to but im 18 anyway, i just dont know what to do im so scared right now I can't sleep For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2553,"Title: WTF Text: People in the chats suck sometimes, I just had someone ask me if me being raped was karma, I mean what the fuck is that. I hate people sometimes For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2554,"Title: Is it safe to lift weights with fresh cuts? Text: I usually only cut when I know I have a full day of rest for my cuts to not be so ‘fresh’ so that I wont feel anxious in the gym knowing that I might bleed through my pants anytime. I have been having a hard time mentally and physically but I really feel complied to go to the gym and lift. I cut yesterday because I know I’m not lifting today but ngl with my mental state right now I’m sure I’m gonna cut today and tomorrow and I plan to squat either tomorrow/the day after (lets see if I can even get out of the house) and I dont know if its okay to squat with fresh scars(I cut on my thighs if that helps answer my question). My cuts are usually cat scratches or styro (I have a low pain tolerance lol) TL;DR : I basically just wanna find out if I can barbell squat/lift weights in general with bloody thighs lol For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2555,"Title: First time being harassed [like this] please help Text: I’ve been going to a 24/7 gym for about 2 months now and I always go kinda late to avoid the crowds (but not so late it’s totally empty) It’s late enough that the janitorial staff is able to do their jobs and so on, so being naturally polite, I always say “hey, how are you?” And so I ended up chit chatting with one guy and I let him walk me to my car one night because there were some strange guys just sitting in the parking lot. Well then he started wanting to walk me to my car every night. Personally I’m thinking okay, whatever. I live in the southern U.S., he’s just being gentlemanly. Well one night it went from chitchat to him hitting on me so fast that I didn’t realize he was hitting on me until after the fact. So I partially blame my innocent and oblivious ways for what happened tonight. I get to the gym and he follows me in. He’s got to “clock in”, so I lose him briefly by going to the women’s only weight room. (There’s a woman on staff to handle women locker rooms and the weight room, so he wouldn’t have known where I was.) I emerge and peek around for him, don’t see him. So I go on to work on cardio. I’m in the middle of jogging when he pops up out of nowhere, going on about how I /must/ have been in the women’s only weight room because he looked everywhere for me. At this point I’m stuck between a railing (it’s on a second floor) and where he’s blocking the other side of the treadmill. So I feel cornered into chit chatting even though I don’t want to. I said something like “Yeah. I was lifting weights. Now I just gotta force myself through cardio.” To which this man, bit his lip, /moaned/, looked me up and down, and said, “This is what I like watching you do, for real.” To which I laugh and somewhere in the painful conversation that followed, I mentioned having a boyfriend, whom I’d been discussing marriage. Which is not a lie. Only trouble is, the boyfriend is a LDR and not due to visit for at least another month. He finally left, because it turns out he was getting off work soon.. but I feel so sick. I don’t know what to do. Instinct says to just be up front, “HEY, leave me alone!” But I’m not a very confrontational person. But knowing I’m being stared at and sexualized while he’s working makes me not want to go. Which isn’t fair, because I kinda pay to be there. But I don’t want the sh*t storm if I go to the office about it. TL;DR I’m getting hit on by the gym janitor. I no longer feel safe going alone. How do I handle it? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 2556,"Title: I'm leaving my boyfriend in 5 hours - what do I need to do? Text: In about five or so hours my bf is heading out for a few hours. I am planning on making my escape then but I'm panicking about what I need to do that I haven't thought of yet. I want to ghost him completely. I've already bought a new SIM card and will be changing my number so he can't contact me. I'm also going to block him on all social media platforms before deleting my own accounts completely. I'm going to file a restraining order as soon as possible. What else do I need to think of? Before I change my number I was thinking about sending a text, which I've already written a draft of, to one of our mutual friends. I'm torn whether this would be a smart thing to do or not. This friend is the only person who has seen my bf mistreat me and has told me a few times that I deserve better and that I need to leave, BUT he's still my bf's very close mate and I'm paranoid that his loyalty would still be to him even despite everything that's happened. If I send him a text telling him ""I've left, do not give my ex any information about me"" would that backfire on me? Might he tell my bf that I contacted him? IDK if I should do it or not. Please let me know if there's anything else I should do or be prepared for. I'm freaking out. I feel very very anxious and nervous for what's about to happen Also a medical question if there's anyone who can help me on it - if I was strangled two weeks ago, and I went to the hospital now about it, would they be able to see anything? Or has too much time passed? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 2557,"Title: why is it ok for wives to physical abuse husbands? Text: As the topic For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2558,"Title: Beginning to question everything, am I being abused? [UPDATE] Text: I did it! Im out and safe, there is a temporary protection order (lasts for 10 days) until I submit my evidence for a protection order which is permanent. I had a lot of help to remove my belongings from case and social workers, the police, my employer and my family. I have a panic alarm installed where I am staying and he cannot contact me or he ends up in jail. I have been referred for an abortion which will take place next week. Its been really tough, everything has happened so fast but I have plenty of support and access to counselling. Please, if you are thinking of leaving, do it! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2559,"Title: Success stories of love after DV… Can it happen? Text: I’m in a really bad spot. I’ve suffered from anxiety and depression almost my entire life. When I was 20 I met a man who I thought was perfect. Turns out, he wasn’t. I hate myself because of him. I truly do. I feel fat, ugly, stupid, and all of the other names he called me. I feel like I’m not allowed to feel joy. While I know that none of this is true, I still cannot allow myself to be happy. Is it possible to move past this and be happy one day? I’m no where close to that point but I just really need to know if it’s possible to be okay one day because I can’t do this forever. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2560,"Title: I'm not sure what to do Text: Im at my wits end...theres no help for me as an international student from Canada in the USA (the abuser is in Canada). He's harassing the people who posted my article on a domestic abuse and wants them to take it down (they want to edit it so its ""less obvious"" bc he's threatening to sue both me and them now). I feel so sick. I've called the police back home in Canada and here in the USA and no one can file a police report. He's constantly harassing me and I truly dont know what to do....i feel like everywhere i turn im shut down. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 2561,"Title: Im waiting in the ER currently. Text: I have no idea what to expect. I've been feeling like I actually could do it. When I think of my life up to this point, I know I want to end it. I know I'm willing to. I'm actually there. I have every reason in the world to want to die. I know I have to be the one to fight for my happiness (if its even possible). I feel that if I've tried everything I can to fix this feeling, and still feel the desire to die, it would be fair for me to do so. As of today, I haven't tried everything I can to fix it. I've been traumatized and depressed for 22 years, and seriously suicidal for over a year now. I haven't gotten therapy or medication, and I've never stayed in a hospital. I always figured if I want to end my life I don't want anyone to have the ability to stop me. It's my right. But I want to try everything before I give up. So, I walked into the emergency room and told them I'm thinking of killing myself. I have no idea whats going to happen. There is so much pain. I dont have high hopes. If anyone has checked themselves into the hospital, share your experience pls. Happy Halloween. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2562,"Title: question Text: when people say stuff like ""at risk of harming themselves"" (like with mandated reporters, admission to mental hospitals etc) is that usually referring to nssi also or is it only if you're actually at risk for suicide? I feel like usually i've heard it only referring to the latter but i feel like it would make more sense if it was nssi as well, since that's still harming yourself sorry if this is worded poorly i didn't really know how to explain it For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2563,"Title: Got shutdown twice today Text: I met this girl online in September and we got on pretty well at first. We voice chatted everyday at night for like a month. We got so comfortable she even fell asleep on me a couple times during our calls. But lately I felt the vibe shift and she would say less and less when we called. Past week we didn't call and when I asked when we could she would say she was busy. Checked discord this morning and saw she removed me, probably blocked me as well. She's 19 and I'm 24. Maybe she got bored talking to a lame older guy, or maybe I did something off-putting, or maybe my shit conversational skills got too much for her. I met another girl online earlier in the summer. At first we texted everyday and call a few times during the week, but in the middle of it I got weird due to my anxiety. I started overthinking and would take too long to text back, I would get nervous during calls. All that combined, along with my horrible conversational skills, probably made her lose a bit of interest. Lately I tried to reconnect with her and at first it went well. We watched anime together and I thought I was back in. But one day I sent her something that came off as insensitive (again because I don't know how to talk to people) and she got really pissed at me. I apologized but I could tell whatever was there is gone now. I called her on Tuesday and I thought it went alright. I asked if I could call her on Thursday and she said okay because she was busy on Wednesday. When I messaged her this morning if she was still down she said ""I thought we were gonna call yesterday I'm busy today"". I know what that means. I just wish she would be straight up and say she didn't want to talk to me, but like a simp I asked her if she still wanted to continue watching the anime next week. She'll probably say no. I wish I wasn't shit with people. I haven't made a new friend in over 7 years. I wish I wasn't so off-putting and anxious. They say you have to just put yourself out there and I try to do that, but I always mess up and push people away. More and more I'm starting to realize I just wasn't meant for other people. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2564,"Title: does anyone else sometimes wish people were more accepting of scars? Text: and no i’m not talking about the act of self harming. I’m talking about healed up scars that just remain on the body. i for one have no problem at all with my scars. i’m about two months clean so all my scars are healed, though they are many and deep/big, i have no problem with them because to me they’re kind of a reminder that i’ve grown alot as a person (and because i’ve grown an attachment to them lol). but i realized that most people have a very negative view on them. my parents constantly beg me to try and fade them, and talk to me all the time about procedures to get rid of them (my literal dermatologist told them the scars prob will never go away but they still hope). they always get so shocked when i tell i don’t want to get rid of them, like honestly, they’re HEALED! what’s the problem? i never wear short sleeves at school because people always make a big deal out of them. at my last job i used to wear short sleeves until one of my coworkers pointed them out and started telling me about how he’s never cut despite enduring many hardships (military and what not like did i ask?) ever since then i wore long sleeves sometimes when i’m out in public, i see people stare directly at them. no shame whatsoever. it’s sometimes the first thing they notice about me. you know how awkward it is to be walking and just see people stare at your thighs, or be talking to someone and notice them staring at your arms? i can tell they’re disgusted by it! it’s making me feel insecure. i personally don’t have a problem with them, but other peoples reactions are starting to really get to me. even if i cover myself up, what if my future partner gets turned off by them? i find it funny because people usually say they don’t mind scars, but when they encounter someone with many severe ones, they act like it’s the end of the world. i wish i could just be treated normally ): For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 2565,"Title: Therapy just made me more aware of how isolated I feel because most people suck at empathy Text: I’ve been in therapy for years. In that I’ve been able to identify what has made me so depressed growing up and I try to deal with it. I spend a lot of time using coping methods and trying my best. For a depressed person I manage to excel in life. Currently dealing with the sting of a breakup. Went on vacation to Asia and Ex broke NC before my trip to wish me well after what I gather was him finding out the grass isn’t greener. I’m on a dream vacation with my older sister and her child while we visit her fiancé. A lot of my depression is triggered from a childhood of being parentified and also unappreciated and invalidated. My sister spent my formative years teasing me for liking Asian culture and is now jet setting to my fantasy destination because of romantic love. Wasn’t enough that I liked something or it meant something to me for her to care or treat me right. Nope. Only a man would make her culturally open and respect me and my interests. I was livid. I had been journaling, using positive self talk, etc but all I could think is “wow, people only care about me when I can offer them something.” Creative services, language skill, advice, emotional support,child care...if there isn’t a task or skill I can do people rarely give a fuck about me. I didn’t want to share this, and told her I needed a moment to collect myself and she kept bothering me until I cried at a shrine. I told her why I was upset and she kept telling me to put it aside because “we’re on vacation”. I turned on my data to call my mom, she told me to pay a tour guide to take me places and hung up on me when I asked to be heard instead of throwing money at my feelings. I literally just wanted someone to put themselves in my shoes for 2 seconds and be a broken-hearted 20 something who is the third wheel to a family and a newly wed couple, but is trying her fucking best. I didn’t need to spend more money on experiences. I didn’t need to pretend I wasn’t upset. I just fucking wanted someone to walk in my very capable shoes for 30 seconds and realize the only thing I want is a little goddamn empathy. My family rarely thanks me for things. They don’t care unless I’m in crisis or isolating. I’ve learned to ask for what I need but it doesn’t matter because unless I have extreme reactions they can’t be bothered to hear me. I am happy for my sister. I truly am. But jfc I am planning and helping with her wedding in the midst of a serious breakup . Which she also teases me about and infantilizes my heartbreak. Feelings don’t go away because you’re on vacation. Therapy taught me to deal with my shit, but unless I act in bad old ways my family doesn’t react. I am more than a babysitter or a social media paparazzi. I’m part of this family too. TL;DR depression reared it’s head on exotic vacation. Talking through issues got me yelled at... Edit : Whoa...thanks for the gold. Didn’t really expect this but if you’re a depressed empathy like me I know it’s hard and I know it’s lonely trying to do good while being profoundly depressed with people and their actions. Well get through it For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2566,"Title: No one love's me Text: Please kill me I'm begging you no cap go to my house and shoot me in the heart or choke me I'll give you one dollar or my family will give you a billion my family hates me For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2567,"Title: My Mom Was Date Raped in College By the School's Entire Lacrosse Team Text: My mom just told me when I went to pick her up from the park. I am the first person she's told this to. All my life I've been trying to find out why she never talked about her time in college or anywhere around then. She was drugged at a homecoming party and repeatedly raped by everyone on the team. She said she was fully aware of everything but couldn't move or speak the whole time. I feel like this is about as close to hell humans can create for someone, and I feel helpless, just like she's probably felt for the last 30 years. These people have kids, wives, careers, and nothing off their back for what they did. They got away, and probably joke about it to their friends or sons on occasion. I don't want to go too far into details for her privacy, but she remembers the exact date and people involved. My brother and I are both really upset and don't know what to do. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2568,"Title: just so fucking lonely. Text: Idk. I'm a single dad, I think good looking, anxiety keeps me from talking to women, yet really I I iw what's wrong I'm lacking the affection of o woman, a partner, a life m8. I wanna put my kids down and hold up to her, laugh, cry and all that good stuff couples do when putting your kids down for the night. Be sensual and just feel grounded and alright. Sorry for the rant. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2569,"Title: I don't know what layer I hit Text: I recently cut myself and I don't know if I hit styro or beans. My research is not helping me. I usually cut to styro and the skin underneath looks smooth and white. I heard fat can be white, yellow or brown (go search it up) but usually I see people describe the beans layer as bubbly yellow. My cut is 3-4mm wide and 5cm long. The skin underneath my cut is white but at the bottom I can see some white bubbles. Is it styro or beans? If it's styro, does anyone know why it looks so uneven? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2570,"Title: A middle aged man was stroking his dick on public transport opposite of me Text: yesterday, i took the train to my parents’ place (3 hours away). the train had already been at my station for a while before it drove off. so, i hadnt eaten much all that, so i packed some leftovers and began eating it on the train since no one had come yet. also, i had to charge my phone and the only plugs we have are above the seating for four people (two opposite to one another), so i sat in one and was eating. then, i saw this middle-aged man board the train and sit in the other four people seating place next to mine, and i should’ve been been alert right then. there were almost no people on the train so it was sus and i should have left for another place, but i digress. after a while more people came on the train and it was rather full. a couple came on and was literally standing right next to me, as if to tell me to fuck off and sit on the other side, so that they could sit together. but i had my phone plugged in so i was not moving. the middle aged man noticed and stood up and sat right opposite from me so that that couple could sit together. i was pretty much on my phone for a good half-an-hour. so, i finally decided it was time to start studying and i took out my ipad and began solving some tasks. basically, i hadn‘t looked up at all by that time. from my peripheral vision, i saw some movement of his hands, so i was kinda sus and decided to look up. there it was, his dick out and he was rubbing it. he was actually covering it with his jacket so that people walking by couldn’t see, but it was obvious that he wanted me to notice bc it was on full display for me. i choked up and i was so shocked. i started shaking because his eyes were so emotionless and he was still calming stroking it 🤢. i hastily packed up my things and pretended to get off the train and sat further away. i was shaking for a while and it took me some time to calm myself and i texted my best friend so find some solace. i was contemplating getting the train conductor, but he was a rather old man and i was worried the other middle aged man would pretend nothing happened and i’d have created a scene for nothing. it is still popping up in my head and i cannot imagine how bad things could’ve turned if i hadn’t left as fast as i did. i haven’t told my parents, bc they’re so worried already and i think they wouldn’t let me go back. and not that it matters but it was 18 degrees celsius and i was wearing a big, black sweater and baggy jeans and i’m 20 years old. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 2571,"Title: How do I know most men aren’t rapists? Text: I was raped. It destroyed me. How do I know most men aren’t like that. How can I got outside and not be scared it happens again? How? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2572,"Title: i don’t know when i’ll be able to stop Text: i have no desire to stop. i was forced to when i was put into a partial hospitalization program around last may, stayed clean for the summer but i already knew that wasn’t going to last. I don’t know when i’ll truly be ready to. I have this obsession with scars. I don’t get that noticeable ones tho. They fade as always after a while, and i can’t handle that. i need the proof of what i went through, even tho i never want people to see them. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2573,"Title: Healthy brains don't ask that question. Text: I am mystified by people who have an inherent, strong urge to live. People in horrific, oppressive, inescapable situations who just... keep living? Who do not off themselves? That boggles my mind. I've been suicidal for so long that killing myself has become a potential answer to every problem or question or stressor, an advocate for death in the back of my mind. Constantly. Even when I've been in better patches, that part of me still breathes these questions into my mind. ""But what if we just stopped existing?"" ""Is my existence *really* worthwhile?"" ""Does your life have any real meaning?"" ""Why are you still alive?"" Healthy brains just don't fucking ask those questions incessantly. They don't have existential crises in response to every little task. There is something so fundamentally wrong with the building blocks of my psyche that makes me hate myself and have no will to exist, and very little seems to touch that basic flaw in my code. Every action I take is thrown off by it, the eccentricities it causes magnifying until my life is coming apart at the seams. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2574,"Title: Please listen Text: My brother's life was taken from him in January this year by his partner. My family did not know the extent of his situation. He did leave the relationship, but unfortunately it wasn't enough. I truly believe the one thing that could have saved his life is if he had found the strength to share his true feelings and fears and the facts about what was actually going on. If we had known, we could have helped him make different decisions the night his life ended. I'm sure there were many things that kept him from speaking freely about what was happening - fear, shame, doubt, love for his partner (even though it wasn't deserved). But, what I would say to him if given the chance and what I want to say to others is that, if you can step outside of the situation for just a moment and think about the life you want and deserve, then please make the decision to do whatever it takes to get to that better life. For some it may be harder than others and it will not be an easy task for anyone, but there can be a way. The first step is to break your silence, which many of you are doing on here and I'm glad you have this forum to do so. But, make sure you talk to at least one person who you trust, who can help you find your way out of the situation and who can help you make the best decisions you can to get to the life you deserve. For me, music has been my therapy and inspired me to do something that I hope can help others find inspiration. The idea of ""breaking the silence"" is the inspiration behind the lyrics I wrote for a song. I hope you listen, I hope it inspires, and I hope you find your path toward a better life. ""If I Would Have Known"" - on all major music platforms should you choose to listen For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2575,"Title: I’m really tired Text: I’m out on a walk right now and I’m considering never going back. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2576,"Title: people think that just because i sh, i have a fabulous pain tolerance across my entire body. Text: some of the people ive told about my sh think that when i get a paper cut or generally just get hurt in any way that isnt myself that i should be totally fine because, ""you hurt yourself everyday anyway, how would it be any different?"". well first of all: what I do to myself is self inflicted, so my body expects it, therefore it doesn't hurt as much as a surprise paper cut. it's like trying to tickle yourself, you can't because your body expects it. Yes, i may have built up an ok pain tolerance in my arm. but just because I have in that one area of my body doesn't mean that I suddenly don't feel pain. sorry about the rant, it's just something that really pisses me off. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2577,"Title: Does depression make you sleepy or have brain-fog? Text: Got myself out of bed and into Starbucks to be productive and felt my eyelids weigh like a ton of bricks. It can't be DLST because we gained an hour. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2578,"Title: like ive been thinking.. (and open to discussion!!) Text: so im starting to think that being lonely might be a lifestyle... dont get me wrong here.. i really do understand there are fears and scars and harm caused to us that hinder our ability to make friends; to love, to trust, to be open, to be vulnerable. i feel my own weaknesses here too but.. what if theres some level of intentionality here? am i making a conscious (or unconscious) decision to have a more reclusive life? surely there are advantages too..? admittedly im not totally closed off, i talk and mingle and appear friendly no problem, but internally im just not very open at all, so much so that my friendships never get very far ..could it be that im just really not interested to get close to others? to have friends? or have i just given up? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2579,"Title: i dont care what anyone says, pretending to self harm is fucked up and just wrong. Text: This is gonna be a vent post Whenever i see threads fo people talking about the subject of fake sh the majkrjty seems to have the mindset of ""they must be doing it due to lack of attention from others so its okay and if you think otherwise you only think about yourself"". I disagree. While yes it is sad that some people who fake it feel unappreciated and feel like that is the only way to get attention, that doesnt mean its okay and it doesnt mean i and others dont have the right to dislike then for it. I go to school with a girl and one time i heard her tell someone that she self harms and that the day before she stabbed a blade into her wrist all the way. When i heard the first part i felt bad for her but as soon as i heard the second part i was like wtf. There is no way you could stab an entire blade in your wrist without hitting the facia (she is pretty skinny) which you would 100% need to go and stay in the hospital for. Yesterday in the pe changing rooms i looked over at her and she had no trace of a scar or anything on her arm. I told my best friend who was next to me about how that girl lied and she told me that apparently she saw the girl showing off her 'sh' to her friends but that it was obvious it was makeup. Ive met/seen so many people like that in my school and im so over it. They make sh seem like such a trivial thing by going around bragging about it to anyone who will spare a second. I used to be friends with a girl (2 years ago) and one day she was showing me and my friend group at the time her sh (it wasnt even self harm omg it was literally just creases that you have on your wrist which could pass as heald sh but she was saying she did it the night before) and saying the most cliche depressed stuff she could think up. Then one of her friends came along and he laughed and was like ""hey were matching"" and put his arm next to hers. I swear they must have planned this together cause neither of them had any sh and they were both just showing the creases. Everyone in the group was all sad about it and worrying about her cause Nobody noticed anything wrong (as far as i know) sincethey probs have never seen actual sh and didnt question it. In my experience the people who do this are the ones that cause others to self harm both of these girls are bullies/rude to people and think its funny to be mean and that theyre being 'savage'. The girl i was friends with and the group would exclude me . I forgot to mention that the group was full of people faking mental health issues. One of the girls faked having an eating disorder to get everone to feel bad for her. I feel like nobody cares about actual people who self harm. They just like the 'aesthetic' of it. They dont care that you are depressed unless you are popular or hot. In conclusion i hate that people glamorize stuff like this but dont actually give a fuck about the people who actually suffer every day. This is proved by the fact that towards the end of our friendship (the same one as the girl who faked sh) i was becomeing more quiet and was more anxious/shy than before but nobody asked why and eventually they decided that they didnt want me around so kicked me to the curb and told me ""its not our fault you have no other friends"" I dont know if this even makes sense but whatever its been on my mind For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2580,"Title: My husband raped me Text: I’m still really shocked and shaking, but I can’t talk to anyone about this. I got home from seeing my family a little while ago. I had a great night. I got to see my brother whom I haven’t seen in a year. My husband and I had discussed having sex tonight, but he went to bed before I got home. My stomach was feeling a bit upset, so when I went to bed after putting my son in bed, I told my husband that I didn’t want to have sex tonight. I was already nervous because that conversation rarely goes well, but tonight it was a new extreme. He started yelling and calling me names, and telling me that I had already said I would so I had to. My toddler son was asleep in his bedroom so I become really upset and told him to quit yelling and went into our kitchen. He ended up following me in there, and was still screaming at me. He told me I had to and that I needed to come on. I told him there wasn’t a chance in Hell that I was going to sleep with him. He had been treating me badly all night via text because I didn’t come home when he wanted me to, so granted, I was probably being kind of mean. But then he proceeded to start pushing me out of the kitchen. I yelled for him to stop and tried to grab the stove so he couldn’t push me out. The stove didn’t stay though, and he ended up pulling me and the stove across the kitchen so then I tried to grab the fridge and realized it wasn’t going to stay in place either. So at this point I’m panicking, and starting to fight back. He grabbed me really hard and pulled my shirt over my head to where it was covering my face and threw me down on the ground. I started sobbing and hyperventilating at this point. I thought he was going to forcibly rape me on the kitchen floor. He didn’t do that though and said he was sorry but that I was a b*tch for not following through with what I said I would do and that he could sit there all night and wait if he had to. So at that point I just gave in. I went to the room with him and he had sex with me while I was crying. My body was convulsing and I felt like I was drowning. I tried to think of anything except what was happening to calm me down. I thought of the beach and how nice it would be smell the sea salt and hear the waves. I’m not sure how long it lasted, but it felt like forever. After it was done he asked me to stay and cuddle him but I said I was still feeling ill and wanted to lay on the couch. As I was leaving the room, he said he was sorry for yelling. I replied that it was fine. I went to the bathroom and cried silently until I could stop. I’m feeling so many things and almost nothing at the same time. I feel like a failure. This isn’t even the first time something like this has happened, but this was the most violent so far. My arms are covered in bruises and my knees are skinned and bruised from where he threw me down. I just don’t know what to do. I’m in college and have a three year old. We have a whole life planned together, but I don’t know if things will ever change. I want to be a strong independent woman and just leave, but I can’t, and that makes me feel like an even bigger failure. As a mom, a wife, and just a woman in general. I suffer from depression and have been in a downward spiral the past couple of weeks because of the holidays. I’ve gained so much weight, and I just can’t even stand the sight of myself at this point. The only good thing about what happened tonight, is that my son didn’t wake up. I’m so thankful for that, he’s my entire world. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","domesticviolence_ongoing, rape_ongoing" Question 2581,"Title: skin picking Text: is skin picking sh? i have been really picking my skin lately, i think i might have permanently fucked my nose but im not sure if its really sh even though im doing it purposely. my mom seems really worried about me and i dont like her being upset. please drop any thoughts you might have For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2582,"Title: what's the point in living? Text: Any time I try to find an answer I come up short, I'm in a stupid human body, and I can't do anything without being impaired by emotions. In the end anything I do is ultimately useless, and I'm not gonna spend the rest of my life working my ass off so I can live another day... Spend a day to have a day to work? I'd rather just end my life, of having nothing to worry about and I'd be at peace For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2583,"Title: I ran out of space on my upper thighs Text: They're completely ruined so I moved onto my upper left arm. I'm hoping I can find it in me to stop once I'm out of room there but like it's so strange having ruined the look of a part of my body then immediately going to a different part. I feel like I should feel bad but I just don't For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2584,"Title: I’m having a hard time Text: The lexapro isn’t helping as much anymore. I’m going back to all of my bad coping habits. I thought that I beat it some how, but I think we all know that’s not how depression works 🥲 I was doing well for such a long time and it just hits me out of nowhere. I’m drinking pretty much every other day, I feel like crap all the time and my sleep schedule is all out of wack. I just want to be okay for more than a few months. I try my best to keep the negative thoughts at bay, but it’s getting harder. All I want to do is sleep and not speak to anyone. I’m tired of feeling like this. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2585,"Title: Returning to work after reporting sexual harassment Text: I’m terrified to return to my teaching job after a former coworker was fired for harassing me. I’m a teacher and returning in a few weeks. When I reported, my school told me that I took miss-steps. I didn’t know how to handle being harassed. Not only did my husband reach out to an admin and nothing happen, but it also turns out the same guy was fired for sexual harassment at his last job and my school knew when they hired him. I’m supposed to be a teacher. It’s what I live for. But with this anxiety of going back, even though he’s gone, it’s killing me. How did they hire him with that record? Why haven’t they checked up on me? Why didn’t the school do anything to the admin who knew and didn’t report? Why do I feel shame? Did I take some wrong turns? YES. Did I do it because I was interested? NO. I did it because he was a veteran teacher there and I was scared. I did anything to protect myself and my job. I did everything to save him from gossiping, but that seems silly now. Hindsight is always 20/20. I have a job offer to work as a trainer and I am already a yoga teacher, too. Should I do those to make a full time job while I’m also in my PhD full time? Or stay at the school? I seriously need advice. My husband isn’t great with advice and empathy and I feel at a loss. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 2586,"Title: I just overdosed and dont want to die Text: I overdosed a few hours ago and I can't tell my parents I'm 15 and I can't call 911 but I want to live how do I help myself I tried throwing up but I could barely do so please hurry I'm running out of time in getting really sleepy For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2587,"Title: Update: I got raped in my birthday and noone believed me Text: After 3 days of not being online, I have update for all of you to what happened to me So my friends(who were convinced that I'm a ""raper"" of Anna) told my parents about it and they got mad at me. My mom slapped me in the face and called me horrible things but I snapped, I told her I never raped her, she was the one who raped me, my mom made excuses why men doesn't get rape because their strong but I'm not. I told her gender doesn't matter and rape is rape, she was quiet for awhile and my dad stepped in, he yelled at me for lying. My parents grew up in some stereotypical things in the environment so it was really hard to convince them some thing. I decide that I will drop put of college and left the house and packed my things up, I didn't even say goodbye to them or my ""friends"". My best friend leaves far away because they left the town, It get me 2 days to get there, I chatted my best friend and explain everything and told him that I will stay with him, my best friend thankfully believed me, he comforted me while I cry like a baby because I couldn't handle this pressure anymore. I'm now looking for a new job while I stayed with them For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2588,"Title: My mom was an addict and let men use me Text: I remember being 8 and and sitting on the couch in-between my mom and her friend when he reached into his pants and pulled out his penis. I immediately stood up and got on my knees in front of him. This is my earliest memory but clearly it had been going on for a while, because I remember knowing exactly what to. I remember not hesitating. Penis out, kneel in front, get to work. I remember sometimes riding the train with my mom and a man would sit next to us. She would eventually move away and I would get off the train with the man. I would go home with him. Sometimes for a few hours sometimes what felt like days. That first instance I do remember. He sat next to me and placed a hand on my thigh, running his hand up and down. Handed mom an envelope. She rubbed my hair and kissed my forehead. When she got up I tried to follow, but the man had a tight grip on my thigh. She told me she had to work and he would look after me. Be good. Do what he says. I'll meet you later at the part. That was the first time I was penetrated by a grown man. Eventually I got used to it. Most of the faces are a blur. A few stand out. Usually based on how kind or mean they were. I'm older now, mom has passes away but I still struggle with boundaries and self worth. The pandemic was a gift as it gave me space to reflect and practice a bit of self love. I'm working to rid my life of toxic relationships, self doubt and bad habits and I'm optimistic for the future For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 2589,"Title: Was it my fault? Did I deserve it? Text: I was abused almost daily for 3 and a half years (10-13 years old) by my alcoholic stepfather at the time. My stepfather was verbally abusive towards my mother for all of my life. So he'd take every opportunity to touch me inappropriately when she was hiding upstairs in her room to avoid conflict. **An example:** He'd start off by calling me by ""my"" nicknames (ie. Slut, Whore, His sex slave, etc) whenever he got the chance to. However, it was either morning or night when he'd touch me. When he penetrated me I'd always say something like ""Get off me"" but he would never listen so I would always have to try and physically resist due to it being painful. That's when he'd either lay his full weight on me so I couldn't move or he'd held his hand over my mouth so I couldn't make a sound. On a lot of occasions if I moved too much (kicking, pushing, punching) he'd slap a part of my body really hard and would walk away from me whilst trying to make me feel guilty (You're a horrible daughter, You liked it, etc). After he would always apologise for his unacceptable behaviour and make excuses (It's because of my medication/Your mum doesn't have sex with me anymore). Ending with him making empty promises, making out he was gonna stop touching me sexually which he never did stop. But I wasn't exactly innocent either. I feel utterly ashamed and disgusting but I initiated some of it (oral) because I thought it felt good. Deep down I know it's rape but I'm struggling to accept it because I think it was my fault and that I deserved it. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 2590,"Title: Song recommendation Text: Recently listened to engravings by ethan bortnick and loved it. Was wondering if anyone knew similar songs about self harm. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2591,"Title: I fear for them. Text: Someone I know is in an abusive relationship, both physically and mentally. The receiving end of several beatings which led to police being contacted, but due to the fickle nature of a victim no charges were pressed. Gaslighting, constantly living under threat of the abuser, the few personal belongings they own being held hostage. This victim has been offered a few hands reaching out to them, even in person, expressing concern and offering support, a way out. However they have gone beyond apologetic for their abuser, at this point I can only describe the state of the victim as catatonic. They are very ill, both mentally and physically, paler than ever before, hair falling out at a concerning rate and many bruises. No communication, only a defeated husk of a person they once were. I don't know what to do, they have basically mentally retreated and does not show any intention of leaving their abuser, even if previously these thoughts were brought up in conversation by them. They knew they needed help, but I think the last voilent encounter made something snap. In combination with this the victims phones were mysteriously destroyed/stolen/lost according to the abuser. Contacting them is impossible without the abuser being the medium. I don't know how long they will last. They live in CA. Is there anything that can be done? Or is this just a case of praying that they gather what little strength they have left and say enough is enough? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2592,"Title: How can I let go of my anger toward my sisters abuser? Text: Every time my sis tries to leave her abuser, she contacts us again after months of no contact. Each time it gives my hopes up that she’s back, but then abuser calls her and threatens her and turns her against us. It makes me so angry and sad. I can’t help but feel so much hatred toward her abuser, but it’s not healthy for me to feel like this. I have mental health issues of my own, but I want to be there for my sister when she does make contact. But part of me feels like I should just not have any part of it and let my parents handle everything until she’s really back in our lives for good, if that ever happens. It just hurts so much. Any advice? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2593,"Title: Crying Text: I miss her A lot.. There are so many things I can do, I can even fix airplane. Yet, nothing I do will ever bring her back to me. The girl I love most. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2594,"Title: God that sucked Text: So today I got my industrial piercing, I thought there would be a bit less pain since I cut myself, but it was absolutely horrible. I contained my urge to curse, but that sucked, glad it’s over with though. It hurts pretty bad right now but it was worth it and it definitely was my daily dose of pain so I should be able to make it to 48 hours clean!!! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2595,"Title: A broken man who makes music Text: As someone who is suffering a slew of mental disorders, is perpetually alone, has no friends, is an ex addict, and virtually fucked in almost every aspect of life the one thing I do enjoy doing is making music. I don't even know if I'm allowed to post this here but I wanted people here to check it out because I feel like my music is relatable to 99.9999% of people on here. I made this last night. I didn't write this song. I just recorded it off the top of my head and filmed the visual (well the first video) with my phone [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X7zhYmF7z3E](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X7zhYmF7z3E) This is another song and video that I made couple days ago called ""Lonely Company"" [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJhcOFdnJYg](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJhcOFdnJYg) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2596,"Title: I’m turning 20 and I regret everything up until this point Text: I’ve never posted on here before, and I’m sort of just using this as a platform to vent some frustration because I don’t have an outlet in real life. I am also high right now, so pardon any errors or ramblings. I (19F) am turning 20 soon and I genuinely feel as though my entire life up until this point has been pointless. I’ve always been a self centered person. I’ve never been grateful for the things I have and am always looking to better myself no matter what that takes. I’m told I’m driven, cool, funny, and praised for always being on the go. I loved that about myself and in the past when certain people have pointed out how I’m an apathetic asshole I sort of just laugh it off. They just can’t handle how cool I am, right? No. I’ve been horrible to people for my own self interest. I’m cool and I’m funny and being a fuckhead to anyone I want to does get some laughs but only at the expense of genuine connections. Everyone I wish I could talk to is pretty much gone. In a way, life as I knew it was artificial. A misinterpretation of the way people viewed my insecurity fueled narcissism. I’m beating myself up about it every day. I read through text messages from a guy I lead on while I was bored. I reread the text message my best friend sent me to encourage me, and I’m going to bed without the strength to respond to her and I hate myself for that. I’m having constant panic attacks throughout the day due to a fight (and the resulting confusion) with my boyfriend and I alternate between sobbing my eyes out to wishing I could rip myself out of my skin. It crawls with the disgust of my actions and the knowledge that, had I not been so selfish, me and my boyfriend would still be on good terms. I’d give anything to hear his voice and feel his touch but it’s like he’s never been further from me. This also has a significant impact on me because I moved to his hometown for college. He goes to college a few hours away so I drive alone down the streets he would drive me down as we sang our hearts out to whatever rock and roll song was our current hype song, past the restaurants we’ve ate at, and through the beach where we had our first date when we were still just a fling. I drive through the streets littered with memories wearing his hoodie and the hat he got me while I drown myself in my job as a delivery driver so I can get paid to speed and bawl my eyes out, with each and every scenario I’ve been a bad person in playing out and at this point that’s a solid majority of them. I think of what I’d do differently if I had another chance but I’ve had many chances. I really do deserve everything that’s happening to me and more. I deserve to be this alone. I just wish I wasn’t this alone in a city that held such beautiful memories of better days. It’s my worst nightmare being here even without factoring in that I am 19 years old and am already over 45,000$ in student loan debt. I wanted to go the med school route but I can’t even finish an exam in the 2 classes I have since I’ve failed the other classes (after maintaining a 4.0 my freshman year). I’m disgusting. I’m sick physically and mentally. I’m completely at the mercy of a universe that has every right to punish me. I pray for forgiveness but every day is harder than the last. I smoke just so I can sleep but once the high wears off I’m wide awake having to calm myself down from the first panic attack of many throughout the day. So that’s my vent Reddit. If you read everything have a fucking fist bump. Fuck my life man. For the record, I’m not suicidal. I had an experience where I perceived myself to be dying and have a deep fear of it so I don’t suspect I will have suicidal thoughts regardless of what happens. I just self destruct pretty badly and behave recklessly and rather than engage in risky behavior (mainly speeding and excessively drinking but not at the same time) it felt healthier to write everything out. Maybe get some advice or if someone else is going through their own journey of realizing their mistakes maybe make them feel less alone. Because god knows I’m lonely now. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2597,"Title: My depression is ruining my relationship Text: I have the best boyfriend in the world. He's caring and compassionate and loves me and is so incredible in so many ways. I've dealt with depression for most of my life and have been able to mostly manage and function like a normal person from day to day. But I moved across the country in August for school leaving behind everyone I've ever known. My anxiety got really bad after the move which made leaving my apartment near impossible which means I'm barely going to classes and I haven't met anyone or made any friends here. My boyfriend has been so supportive through it all. He's helped me through countless panic attacks, sat with me while I've had awful, awful fights with my parents, and has taken care of me the best he could when I could barely function. He's been my rock for months now and I love and appreciate him for it more than I can say. I can tell though that it's so hard on him to not have the person he fell in love with. The other day he snapped at me in the middle of a panic attack I had in the morning because multiple days I've started his day with anxiety and it's absolutely draining for him to deal with constantly. He's made comments about how it's not good for either of us that I'm depressed all the time. He misses me. Hell, I miss me. And it's hard because I don't know how to get back to even being some semblance of normal. He told me that when I'm sad on the phone with him, he might as well be staring at a blank screen because all I can manage to do is scroll mindlessly through social media. And I know that I can be boring but just having him sit with me on a call is soothing on its own for me. I used to do that when I wasn't as bad. And now I feel like I'm just not enough as a partner. I feel like I don't know how to make him happy anymore. All I want to do is make him happy and see him smile and I'm scared I'm ruining this relationship because a lot of the time its nearly impossible to get the energy to be a decent partner. I started therapy a few weeks ago because I want to be a better partner to him and friend to the people I care about but I'm worried that I'm going to end up pushing him and everyone I've ever cared about away. Anyway. Yeah. I just don't know how to fix things or make things better. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2598,"Title: Nice to meet you all, I'm an attention seeker Text: Just got called an attention seeker by my friend, because I trusted them and told them about my cutting. And ""since I don't cut to kill myself"", I'm an attention seeker. Nice to meet you all. But now I'm not an attention seeker anymore because I actually sliced my wrists in an attempt to off myself for good. Feeling nice, even though I can't cut deep enough. Fuck meeee For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_active_ongoing" Question 2599,"Title: I think Corona has turned my husband into a psychopath Text: Crossposting from relationships. Before corona, my husband (35) and I (32F) were together for 4 wonderful years. Our relationship was never an issue & we barely ever fought. We married, had a child & things were great...then corona hit. My husband has barely let me leave the house in a year. I am not allowed to get my hair cut, I'm not supposed to go shopping outside the home or see any friends and family. I was also not allowed to get a nanny or any type of child care or babysitter at all and so after trying to work and baby at the same time and almost losing my mind, I had to cut my hours down to part-time. The funny thing is, my husband runs a office out of WAL-MART - so yes, he works outside the home. At a Wal-Mart. Anyway, my resentment has been building and building day after day of being alone stuck in the house with my child during winter. So I FINALLY was able to talk my husband into being cool with me going to see my 2 gf's whom I hadn't seen in 6 months. I had to promise to stay 12 ft apart, wear 2 masks and not eat or go to the bathroom in their house. But I got to go visit by myself, he stayed with the baby! But then, right as I was heading home from my visit, my husband saw a Snapchat of my 2 gf's from the night before at a restaurant. So because they were at a restaurant and I had seen my 2 gf's, I was exposed. So he locked me out of my house when it was -5 degrees outside. I head back to my gf's but then decide, thats my house I will get in if it's the last thing I do, I want to be by my child. When I finally was able to get into my house, he dragged me thru the living room spraying lysol all over me and then locked me in my basement for 30 mins, with me banging on the door to let me out. Today, he's letting me near my child but keeps spraying Lysol in my face and even tho I made it out of my basement, he won't let me sleep upstairs.I am now considering divorce. I love him but his health anxiety is utterly ridiculous and he is turning abusive towards me. I have suggested therapy for him and asking for marriage counseling for 6 months and he will do neither. Should I be considering divorce or am I just making a big deal out of nothing? I'm all for social distancing and masks but I can't live like this! TLDR: I think my previously wonderful husband turning abusive because of corona and I'm considering divorce For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 2600,"Title: Suicide is becoming a more and more attractive option each passing day. Text: I don’t know what to say except that. I’m so fucking done. I’m not going to do it and I don’t plan to. But, even when I tell myself tomorrow is going to be a better day, it just isn’t and killing myself seems more and more an actual option. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2601,"Title: My story of workplace sexual harassment Text: Last year I (27m) worked a government job that was very difficult to learn and was very stressful. My boss had transferred from a different county to take the supervisor position. We had a normal boss/employee relationship until we came back to the office. That's when everything changed. I am queer and I have a rainbow flag sticker on the back of my car. As soon as he saw this he started getting more and more friendly towards me. He was a very attractive Latin dude, and he was arrogant about his attractiveness. Later that week he decided to use our weekly meeting to ""get to know"" me. He tells me about his friend group how one is gay, another is bisexual, another is a lesbian, and another is a white woman who prefers black men. He says he likes to spend as much time around minorities as possible. He did this on a day when I was in the office and he was at home so no one would hear him and I couldn't say anything without other people in earshot. He took every opportunity to touch me, putting his hand on my shoulder when he'd walk by my cubicle. He even brought his girlfriend into a work meeting, who works at the same office he transferred from. He always subtly tried to get me to come out and say that I'm gay. I finally quit once I found a new job and on my last day in the office he gave me a hug. I never thought it would happen to me and I wish I'd reported him to HR but I didn't. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 2602,"Title: Work tomorrow Text: So I’m a lifeguard and I completely forgot that I have a training session thing tomorrow where we have to get in the water, so I have to wear a bathing suit. My forearm is completely covered in cuts and I’m freaking out because I’m not sure what to do, I could skip it but then I’ll have to meet with my boss because these training things are mandatory. Does anyone have any suggestions of what I could do? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2603,"Title: If I knew what I know now I would've just killed myself when I was 14 Text: All this pain and suffering, hurting other people, wasting people's time, dragging myself through life just to be in the same place 8 years later. This fucking medicine doesn't help. Nothing helps. I'm just tired of it. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2604,"Title: currently lying in bed wondering where it all went wrong Text: I just don't understand. My life is falling apart at the seams and there's nothing I can do to stop it. Everyone else in my life has something going for them, but I have nothing, and I'll always have nothing. I'm a burden to those around me. That's it. No one I care about cares about me the same way and I don't even know why I bother trying still. No one gives me the time of day. It's not like they've always been this way, it just happened one day. It's past midnight and I'm not tired enough to sleep yet too tired to do anything else. None of my hobbies bring me any joy anymore. Nothing makes me happy and I'm just in a constant state of anxiety and anger constantly. I want to go to sleep and never wake up again. Maybe then people will finally care. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2605,"Title: feel like its just inevitable at this point Text: if anything even slightly bad happens to me i just get the urge to off myself. one of these days its gonna happen i know it For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2606,"Title: Staying alive for other people is so fucking hard Text: I just wish they didn't exist so leaving would be easier for me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2607,"Title: a stranger just paid for all my groceries today :( Text: i rlly rlly wish that would’ve went to someone who doesn’t plan to kill themself omg For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2608,"Title: Vent or something o don’t fucking know Text: I’m so tired of this. Mf head feels wrong. I can’t handle this. Nobody thinks I can handle it. Tempted to look into getting hospitalized again. Though I doubt it’d help. Or that anything would at this point. What’s the point of any of this. I wish I never promised to not kill myself. I wish I wasn’t born. I wish I was different. Or better. Or fuckijg something I don’t know. I’m so fucking tired. God I need help. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2609,"Title: Met my neighbor for the first time... Text: For background: my fiance (29m) and I have lived in our first home for 4 months, the colvert drainage system under our driveway is brand new. I also have severe anxiety, am a compulsive people pleaser to my absolute detriment, and have trouble setting boundaries when necessary. Yes, I go to therapy. Today, my (25f) neighbor (~65m), whom I have never met before, was standing in my yard, trespassing, looking at flood damage from the recent hurricane. I walked outside to see what he wanted, and it first started with him complaining about the drainage colverts running under my driveway and him blaming my property for the damage to his yard during the flood. He then threatened me with a misdemeanor charge for the damages to his yard due to my not maintaining the colvert clearance. He said he wouldn't file suit against me ""because he likes me"", but he could if he wanted. Well the anxiety of being blamed for an act of mother nature got the best of me and I froze up, visibly upset and starting to cry a little, and the neighbor put his arm around me tightly and started to console me and in the same breath started blatantly hitting on me. He even admitted to flirting with me, but that he wouldn't go too far as he didn't want my fiance to beat him up, then said, ""Well, I guess I don't even know how big your fiance is."" Which I took to be him insinuating that my fiance may not be able to stop him if he wanted to continue. As if that were the only reason he should stop. When I told him I was ignoring his advances, as i am not interested and in a relationship, he brought the misdemeanor claim back up. When I tried to leave, he kept baiting me in with normal casual conversation, before returning to the flood damage and making me freeze up and tear up a second time after further accusations over the drainage pipe and my home being a wreck and again he took this opportunity to put his arm around me and ""console"" me. Then he started telling me about his wife who is half his age and how he likes younger women.. finally unfrozen, I tried at that point to get far away from him. Finally he decided to go back to his house, and even as I was walking away he offered to dust off my back which was covered in bark/leaves from leaning against a tree and when I declined he offered to help walk me up the hill to my house, which I again declined and high tailed it back to my house. It was entirely too creepy, and made me feel uncomfortable. And I walked away feeling like everything was my fault and completely defeated. I felt, and still feel, so gross and disappointed in myself for not stopping it, for not walking away, for not simply saying ""don't touch me"", especially the second time when I was already very uncomfortable. My fiance came home from work early when I called him and told him about what happened. He is furious with the neighbor and has instructed me never to speak to him again. He's not upset with me, and just wants me to learn and grow from the experience and try not to dwell on it. Which I guess is all I can do really. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 2610,"Title: I'm no longer suicidal ! Text: The title says it all. It was by no means easy but I'm happier with myself again. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_past Question 2611,"Title: Relapsed for the first time in years Text: I’m not sure how long it’s actually been. I didn’t really stop by choice I just kind of stopped doing it one day and that was it, until now. If I had to guess it’s probably been 4 years, maybe 5. But on Sunday and Monday that streak ended. It felt good to slice my arm open again which I didn’t expect, I don’t want to start making it a thing again as covering the scars is the hardest thing to do. It feels weird now being an adult (24) and doing this again. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2612,"Title: cant take it Text: Every day I ""live""a hollow imitation of a life. Invisible to alll. Just some creepy fuckwit in the backgound. I want to die so bad. Just a bullet ripping through mys kull. All gone. Relief. Too much of a goddamn coward to go through with it myself. Can't afford therapy. Can't tell anyone else wityhout being hos[pitaluized. Just kill me For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2613,"Title: Thanks to someone who will never see this Text: Thank you to the woman at the gym who didn’t make a big deal about my scars. Thank you for noticing how uncomfortable I was rolling up my sleeves, and thank you for offering me athletic tape without asking any questions. Thank you for making it a casual thing, even though I know wrapping arms in tape isn’t something usual. Thank you for making sure all the scars were covered without making any comments. Thank you for not giving me that worried and scared look that people usually give me, but instead treating me the same as everyone else. Thank you for not pitying me. You’ll never know how meaningful it was to me, casually offering athletic tape in case “there’s anything you’re trying to hide”. That’s the first time someone who’s seen my scars hasn’t shown horror. It was the first time in a while that I felt normal, despite my depression. There’s nothing wrong with me. I can overcome this time in my life. I can move forward, no scars will hold me back. Thank you. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 2614,"Title: Where do I go to make friends Text: Is this a place to make friends? I’m pretty clueless when it comes to Reddit. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2615,"Title: Happiness really is a privilege Text: Growing up I never thought about it like that. I always thought happiness was just something everyone eventually had and that it was just the norm, and that anyone who wasn’t happy was some outcast. Now I see happiness really is a privilege, and I don’t say this in spite. If you are happy, that’s amazing, but also I think there are a lot of people who don’t realize how lucky they are to be happy. It truly boggles my mind that there are people who go to bed excited for the next day, it’s a feeling I don’t think I can remember having, at least for a very very long time. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2616,"Title: family don't exist to me Text: Blood related doesn't mean they will have any love for me, it's all about money, this family is cursed For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2617,"Title: All because I wanted to vent Text: Reddit deleted my whole account for posting about my sa story(not on this sub) It wasn't even anything that went too much into detail and what happened wasn't like too ""bad"" I know it's not that serious, but I am so frustrated over it. I just wanted to vent. I feel like I would be judged if I ever told any of my friends what happened and it would cause drama. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 2618,"Title: My life is always falling apart and I’m constantly having a crisis Text: I have a lot of debt and it’s really feeling like the rest of my life is going to be mostly spent servicing my debt and not living the life I would like to live. I don’t see a positive future to look forward to. Even if I were someone else with luckier personal circumstances, I still don’t know if I’d want to live. A lot of general economic and material trends (climate change, cost of living, technology) deeply worry me, and life seems to be difficult enough already. I don’t feel I have much to look forward to. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2619,"Title: I know my problem is nothing compare to what people been through everyday but i appreciate any help Text: How to deal being the oldest in my classes in college iam 24 and people around me are 20 Always in bad mood anxiety and depression I prefer not to wake up and be dead before i wake up and go to university I see doctor and take medicine it helped a little bit i need help from people who had similar experiences or can help Thanks 🙏 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2620,"Title: Can you intercept a gun purchase if you’re scared? Text: Hello, I wasn’t sure what subreddit to post this on, but this one seemed appropriate. My stepfather has been going through a lot of shit; his marriage with my mom isn’t going well, he can’t go to work because of covid, he’s cried to my mom about how miserable he feels with us, and lately he’s become ridiculously fixated on getting a gun. As in he’s called and been to every single gun shop within a 20 mile radius (since it IS pretty hard to find a gun these days cause covid, politics, etc) and finally he found one, and purchased an $800 gun while only having $1400 in his bank account (rent money). Moreover, our lease at our current place ends this following month, and he and my mom had plans to separate. He’s been verbally abusive, throws shit around, throws tantrums, storms out and doesn’t come back for days, but he’s never hit us. But our lease coming to an end, him spending nearly all his money on a gun, and him being so unhappy in general just doesn’t strike me as a good sign. He will not get his gun for another week. Our plan right now is to pack up all our shit and leave. However, I was wondering if there is a way to intercept a gun purchase by going to the gun shop and telling them everything I just wrote down pretty much. Perhaps they can delay the process? Or something along those lines? Just to buy us some more time to gather up all our things. If worst comes to worst, we WILL leave everything behind, it’s not worth our lives. But ideally, if we could delay the process and take our belongings it would be nice. Does anyone know if we can intervene by speaking to the gun shop? Thank you, any advice is appreciated. Also I live in California if that changes anything. **UPDATE: I ended up packing up my cats and what little things I could grab and leaving with my mom. I don’t know if that was extreme, or if I was being paranoid, but I did not feel comfortable or safe there. I just feel like there were too many red flags. We’re staying with my grandma now. Feel kinda shitty, cause we technically don’t have a place to live now (my gma lives in a one-bedroom 55+ community, we can’t stay here too long) but I also feel so much better. There’s still SO MUCH stress there, but it’s nicer to stress about this than it is to worry for my life, my mom’s life, and my cats’ lives. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2621,"Title: I don't know if I'm ever gonna make it in life Text: I'm 28 years old with a Bachelors in Computer Science (graduated 2018) and I've been working at Amazon for 3 years stowing items. It sucks. I see everyone who I went to college with has a better paying job than I do. I've updated my resume, took extra courses, worked on web development projects, done freelance work, reached out to people on LinkedIn, reached out to my managers and Amazon for any career advice, and I just feel like everyone's been ignoring me. I tried getting into management roles since I have leadership experience, but yet nothing. I tried graphic design since I have a background in that, yet nothing. I tried being a freelance photographer/videographer and thats also pretty tough. I just think its just time for me to just give up. I actually started to get into acting, film making, and songwriting because I am just out of ideas. It's the only thing I'm passionate about, but it seems like lots of people DO NOT make it in that. I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't know if I'm ever going to be successful in life. I just feel so alone. My family is literally making a mockery out of me and say that I'm just a lost and confused person. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2622,"Title: DAY 100 NO SELFHARM OH MY GOD I DID ITTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Text: IM SO HAPPY YES THANK YOU EVERYONEEEEEE THIS IS SUCH AN AMAIZNG EXPERIENCEEEEEEEE :DDDDD For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 2623,"Title: I’m 18 today with no birthday wishes just like every year Text: I don’t have anyone who cares about me or wishes me well, not even on special days. It’s just hard to enjoy the day alone with my thoughts and trauma and I could use a distraction. Just a lonely guy looking for some love I guess. Edit: thank you all so much for the birthday wishes! It really put a smile on my face and cheered me up a lot and I’m so thankful. Even though I’m spending it alone I’m still glad to have people who take the time to make someone’s day a little brighter. Wishing you all the very best and thanks so much! Edit 2: actually crying at how many of you guys cared enough to wish me a happy birthday, who knew strangers on the internet could be better than most of the people I know. My day has been great because of you guys and I couldn’t be happier just scrolling through these comments with a smile on my face. I’ve read and I’m still reading each and every message and I appreciate every one of you. Love you all💙 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2624,"Title: 1 month [33 days] clean from sh !!! :DD Text: I'm 1 month clean from sh !! I haven't been clean this long for 5 months :0 My s/o has helped me so much and has even said he was PROUD of me !! I love her so much; I can't believe I'm this lucky to call him mine<33 I hope everyone is having a great day !! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 2625,"Title: How can I help my muslim friend who is being beat by her husband? Text: I met her in nursing school. She’s really sweet, very beautiful, she’s literally perfect so it breaks my heart to see so many bruises all over her. I’ve seen them on her face peeking through makeup, on her wrists, on her neck. Just the other day she was at my house bringing me a vase and she had a pretty gruesome bruise on her the side of her thigh. I just had to say something it was so bad. I said “Oh my god what happened to your leg?”. And she told me “nothing”. I told her it wasn’t nothing and she sighed and admitted that it was from her husband and to just let it go. I told her that I can help her leave him if that’s what she wants but she told me “no”. She told me it’s how things are for her in her culture and in her family. She told me her husband loves her, and I should just try to understand. I didn’t say anything more to her about it. I really can’t buy the culture thing. I don’t think it’s right no matter what. I want to help her but I’m not sure how. Does anyone know if there’s any DV resources for muslim women? Or something like that? I just want her to open her eyes that there’s muslim men who will not treat her like this. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2626,"Title: CW: description of feeling anxious i guess Text: Whenever I’m having one of those out of nowhere horrible days it feels like my whole body (most of all my brain) is screaming… Idk, it’s not like I hear it but it just feels kinda the way when you scream your lungs out but in my body? It’s horrible and I hate it cause I can’t escape it… Might be anxiety or something like that. It also morphs into feeling like I’m standing on a ledge about to fall a bit For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2627,"Title: Looking for interviewees for a research paper Text: (CW: Sexual Harassment) Hello everyone! Hope everyone is doing well and staying safe. My name is Sophie Panzer and I am a senior at The George Washington University studying Communication and Organizational Sciences. I am reaching out today because I am looking for interviewees to participate in a research project I am working on. My research project is based on understanding and describing employees’ experiences reporting their incidences of sexual harassment in the workplace to their respective organizations and Human Resources Departments. As a result, I am looking for participants who have ever, at any point in their career, reported incidences of sexual harassment and would be willing to partake in an interview with me. To clarify, I will NOT be asking you to detail the incident itself, only the experience of reporting it to HR (or some form of formal process within the organization). You do NOT have to describe the harassment, the perpetrator, or any of those details (unless you would like to share). Some important things to note about the interview: · It will be around 45-60 minutes · Will take place over Zoom (flexibility will be permitted for individual participants who prefer a different method) · Voice recorded. (NOT video recorded). · Confidential · Anonymous (As well as the name of the organization and other workers mentioned) · Voluntary (You may end the interview at any point if you like) · Prior to our interview I will have completed CITI (Collaborative Institutional Training Initiative) training which means I am trained in the research standards and ethics of social-behavioral-educational research with a focus on human subjects. Prior to our interview, I will send you an informed consent letter which I ask you to carefully review. (I can also send you the interview questions if you would like to review them prior to the interview) If you are interested please reach out to my email: sophiepanzer22@gwu.edu Thank you so much in advance for anyone who is interested in participating in this study! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2628,"Title: What mini/large Red flags/signs did you see at the start of your relationship? Text: There were many large Red flags but unbeknownst to me, I didn't know what a red flag was, plus I grew up in a volitile home so it seemed somewhat ""normal"" but didn't FEEL right to me. Can anyone share their experiences with me of signs you may have seen but chose to not believe them or was manipulated into ignoring them? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2629,"Title: We can vent here, right? Text: I won’t go into the whole long story right now, my brains doing that thing where it makes me feel annoying or like a nuisance just for wanting to talk about what’s happening in it, but every single night I dream about my trauma. My dreams have always been vivid, ever since I was my daughters age (5) and it makes it so when I’m up every 15 minutes all night from terrors/flashbacks reality almost gets mixed with my dream life when it comes to my mental state, and it makes me feel so crazy some days. Like I’m just not even here, or not me. Sorry starting to ramble, main point in the post; I had a dream last night of my first abuser who I haven’t seen for over 4 years now, more like a flashback and I think that’s why it’s getting to me so much. I haven’t felt what I felt in that dream in a few years now and I can’t get the image of him out of my head. That initial fear you feel when you see their pupils get larger and you almost drop to the floor because you start shaking so bad, because you know what comes next, and you’re thinking in your head about how “if I just wouldn’t have said that” or “if I just wouldn’t have done that” then this wouldn’t be happening, I know that’s not true now but my subconscious doesn’t seem to get it when I’m asleep. I just needed to really let it out of my head because that fucking face is not something I ever want to see again. In reality, thoughts, or my dreams. Thank you in advanced for even just reading what I have to say! ❤️ I know most of you know how much it means. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2630,"Title: Vent: I HATE the YT Channel PSYCH2GO Text: I hate EVERYTHING about that channel I hate the fact that its usually watched by teenagers who romanticize mental illnesses I HATE that girls stupid, unnatural and ridicilous voice I DESPISE the fact that most of the video topics are tailored for high school students who want to look for easy excuses for their laziness or social ineptitude (Titles such as: ""are you really in love? owo"") But I definetly do hate the fact that IT CONSTANTLY APPEARS ON MY FEED NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I BLOCK IT FOR GODS SAKE For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2631,"Title: Hahaha yes an opportunity has arisen. Text: Tonight? Tonight! I can finally leave. How will you leave? With rope and pills ofc! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2632,"Title: i don’t want a future at all at this point. Text: i’m a young woman with an associates degree in my dream field (at least i think so?). halfway through my degree, i was diagnosed with narcolepsy. shattered. every single job with this degree requires a full drivers license and your own car. i’m not allowed to get a drivers license due to the narcolepsy (which i agree with, it just sucks.) so i essentially had to finish my degree fully knowing i’ll never work in it. i have to sit by and see my classmates post their amazing photos on social media of them working in the field (it’s an outdoor job involving animals) which is basically the only thing i care about. i’m the only one of my class of 28 who isn’t working in our field. i’m stuck doing retail. i don’t make enough money to do anything besides pay rent, buy my pills, and feed myself and my cat. i was doing online therapy which i liked because my therapist is awesome, but it’s a decent amount of money for each session and without knowing i accidentally didn’t pay a few times. so now i have $500 or so in debt to this therapy company and it’s having me sit and think about my life and how i feel like i’ll never be happy. i can’t live a typical life because i’m narcoleptic. can’t drive, and i have to rely on super expensive medicine to be able to function and hold down a job. suicidal thoughts every single day. knowing i can’t use my degree and i feel like i can’t go back to school for anything else because i can’t see my life going in any direction in the future. i don’t want to have a future. what’s stopped me all these years is feeling guilty for leaving my family behind. i adopted my cat because (among many other reasons) i figured he would be a good deterrent from ending my life. so far it’s worked, but knowing that in 10 or so years he will be gone, my parents are going to die, my sister, my partner, my friend, everyone is going to die one day and i worry that as soon as someone close to me dies i will have no reason to hold on any longer. i don’t live for myself. i do everything for the sake of other people. i don’t enjoy any activities. i don’t get excited by any hobbies. every time i try to cheer myself up i just cry because i feel pathetic. i try to think about the future and the places i’d love to travel to or the things i want to experience, but knowing that i can’t get a job with my degree because of my condition, i can’t get any job that pays me enough to go back to college/university, i can’t travel, i can’t do anything helpful or good for other people, i can’t do anything. when i think of my future i either think about running away into the woods and trying to find happiness as a hermit or just dying of exposure, or i imagine the day i finally kill myself. and worst of all, nobody around me except my partner and my therapist knows i think this way. anyway. this is stupid and way too long now. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2633,"Title: Idk what's wrong with me Text: Hi. I'm 30 years old and have never been in a long term relationship. Not one person seems to be interested in me. I don't think I'm estranged, slightly eccentric maybe. I like to think I'm intelligent, I know I'm not a genius. I think about life and mysteries of the world. When I talk to people they seem so nervous and shy, it's hard to get a conversation going because it's always one sided. Either I am doing all the talking or she is. And self expression seems to be the ace to be ghosted. I wish there was someone to hold hands with, to cuddle, to kiss, and love. I want affection and acceptance. I feel totally alone. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2634,"Title: Is this sexual harassment? Text: My thesis advisor and I have been talking about my thesis for a while now. Since about March, he started making some comments that made me uncomfortable. I'm writing my thesis on the treatment of gender non-conforming people in healthcare (its more specific than that but I don't want to get into it in case someone identifies me) so we get into a lot of discussions along the lines of ""what is sex"" and ""what is gender"" and ""are these categories socially constructed?"". Though almost all of the discussion is useful and helps me with my thesis, he frequently turns the conversation onto tangents such as, ""Well, you know, in Japan, women often speak in really high voices because it's seen as really nice and submissive."" Two things wrong with this: 1. IMO It's a pretty bad stereotype to be bandied about by a professor (racism, sexism, etc.) - lmk if you think differently! I'd love to hear your point of view. 2. Has nothing to do with my thesis, which is about the US healthcare system and how US culture and gender roles affect patients. Another tangent that he frequently goes on is abt how Caitlyn Jenner was (according to him) the pinnacle of masculinity prior to transitioning and how he wonders what happened for her (who he refers to by deadname and he/him pronouns) to ""suddenly want to be a woman"". After we arrive at either of these topics he usually starts comparing them to me. He has commented about how feminine I look (I'm nonbinary and use they/them pronouns, although I admit I do express femme). With the Japanese women and high voices, he goes on to ask me whether my country, Korea, has something similar and then comments about how my voice is very soothing and attractive. The last time we spoke, he even went as far as to say that it was sexy. This was honestly the part that struck me the most. It was like I was used to it - the racism and Asian stereotypes, I've been dealing with all my life, so I generally leave it alone unless it's something major - but it really surprised me that I'd been letting a man well past 50 tell me that he thought my voice was attractive and comment on my appearance without telling him to stop directly. I'd been spending my time trying to debate him and convince him that his stereotypes were wrong in a roundabout way instead of addressing the actual issue - that he was applying these stereotypes to me. I think it might be plausible that he isn't doing this intentionally, though, which is why I'm writing this post. In a conversation about the way that gender norms are created, it could be considered reasonable for him to talk about how gender roles were built in other cultures. And I think that, although he uses deadnames and pronouns for trans people, that it might be because he hasn't been taught how the language and social norms have changed surrounding trans people and pronoun usage. I think this mainly because he's been so open to a lot of my other ideas about my thesis. And while his comments about me make me uncomfortable, he may have just gotten carried away and lost his filter somewhere? Am I being too naïve? I know that his behavior is wrong, which is why I'm working with the university to see what we can do going forward, but I just wanted to know if I'm giving him too much benefit of the doubt. I'm torn between knowing that he's a grown man with his own children who should know about these things or at least be able to educate himself about them while also knowing that he's had problems with opening a word file on the computer and with checking his email. Is it possible that he didn't really realize that his behavior was wrong? Or is he just taking advantage of my indecision? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 2635,"Title: Help With covering Text: Hi this is my first time posting here but I SH and I’ve done it for a little while but I did some on my forearms and there very visible. I was wonder if anyone has a way beside like long sleeve shirts because I don’t have many of those and my mother would be suspicious. Thank You! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2636,"Title: Gone before 2021 Text: My therapist is taking 2 weeks off. I’m not gonne see him again. Thank you for your support. I’m sorry... Edit to Add: Thank you for your support. My therapist deserves the time off (particularly from me) but is such a compassionate man, he has offered/insisted to still see me if I need to none the less but I’ll be damned if I’m going to bother him when he is so accomodating to me and always makes time to see me whenever I need. He is not the problem. I am taking this opportunity away from him while I will feel zero guilt and getting it “done” to stop this neverending hell of isolation, loneliness, severe depression, and zero social support likely to go on for another YEAR due to Covid. I had pretty severe issues pre-pandemic also. I appreciate ever one of your comments, *all of you* who took time to say anything at all... I know many of you are in the same boat. I hooe you can all join together during this time to help each other. You are all the best. I’ve reached a point of no return and uncovered levels of hopelessness I never knew possible. I’m unable to communicate directly with people at all at this point, I have not spoken to anyone except my therapist (also my psychiatrist) since March due to trust issues. This sub has been so amazing and it continues to be. I’m sorry to disappoint, I just can’t... ❤️ *** To my therapist: I am so so so so so sorry. *** For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2637,"Title: i hate myself and don’t deserve love Text: I feel like I’m just realizing this now even though it’s probably how I felt for a long time. I’ve been reflecting on my past ‘friendships’ and most of them crashed and burned bc I was terrible. I feel like the person who comes into peoples lives to show them what they don’t want/like in a person. I keep trying to meet new people but I always end up hurting them in some way bc I get so stuck in my own head. I think the world is better off without me For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2638,"Title: Down Text: Everything beats me down, I am really tired, nothing makes sense to me, I started having suicidal thoughts year ago and selfharm already 2years, but i did it really not often. I havent cut today but in past week i cut so many times, mostly scratches only, i try to imagine how is it to have a suicide attempt and i cannot image myself in this place, but i feel really bad, i know i wont do it, but scratching my skin isnt enough anymore and i want to and not want to go deeper, i am only 18 and my joy is nonexistent, i an exhaused all the time, idk how i will finish my senior class, i am in ass with leftovers. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 2639,"Title: UCSF HARASSES VICTIM! #metoo Text: https://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/smith-patten-represents-ucsf-nurse-as-she-comes-forward-to-expose-sexual-harassment-religious-discrimination-and-systematic-retaliation-300594745.html For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2640,"Title: I'm trying my best not to but I don't think I can keep going anymore Text: I reached out to everyone I know for help. No one can help me. I am being evicted. My agoraphobia has never been this bad, and I just want to be a functioning person. I'm pretty sure I am about to lose my job. Last week we had a tornado and I wished it would leave my pets untouched but suck me up. Just me. I just wanna crawl in a dark hole and no longer exist. I'm so tired. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2641,"Title: its getting bad again and its comforting Text: Its starting to get bad again and I have been scrolling this subreddit at night again and the urges are back. The problem is that this feeling is so comforting. I want it to just be over and I want to be bad enough that it doesnt hurt me to leave. Should I tell my therapist? My boyfriend? Or should i keep it to myself since its not too bad yet For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2642,"Title: I don't fucking ask to be born. Text: I keep thinking about this stuff, why do I need to live? I can't make and find real friends, in my experience, they always backstabbed me( I know people keep telling me that I'm the problem, not them) I don't ask to be born, why do I need to care about money? When I change my mind to ""let's enjoy the short of the life that I have, and start doing stuff like play videogames and stuff"" I feel a sense of guilt because I'm not being productive. I hate this world, in my thought, lack of money is the root of all my problems and my depression. Fuck fuck fuck. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2643,"Title: Feelings Friday Text: Hey all, it's Feelings Friday! Here's a check-in writing activity for you: 1. How are you feeling, this Friday? How did you feel this week? 2. How have the feelings been showing up for you (physically or mentally)? 3. What steps are you taking to cope with, or to move through, those feelings? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2644,"Title: Does anyone else feel intense loneliness? Text: Not sure if this is allowed here so delete if not Raped almost a week ago, and the loneliness of after it is like nothing I’ve experienced. Of course I’ve told friends and they’ve been supportive over message, and I haven’t been able to tell family because I’m scared of their impulsive actions towards my rapist (there’s an ongoing investigation and I know they wouldn’t honour that) I find myself not wanting to hang up the phone when I’m speaking to medical professionals because they’re so nice. I just want someone to fill my time with constantly. I live alone which doesn’t help, and haven’t been to work the past two days, I know going to work and distracting myself and trying to get back to normalcy is what’s right but I can’t bring myself to do that either. Does anyone else/has anyone experienced this? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_ongoing Question 2645,"Title: Advise? Text: So I'm 17 years old and I've never dated anyone nor have I ever been interested in anyone. However recently I've been talking to someone and they genuinely make me happy. He's the sweetest thing ever, but there's one thing, he doesn't know I self harm. Any advise on how to tell him? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2646,"Title: relapse ): Text: 5 days? Can't really remember. But cut s little deeper than expected and got scared enough to stop for the night. So I guess that's good. Ugh. Life is hard right now. Need to get some hobbies lol For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2647,"Title: How do I know if a child is getting sexually harassed? Text: A little girl (nearly 3) that is the child of my best friend's sister have been showing some weird actions recently, first of all I'd like to say that she is closer to her aunt than to her parents since her parents are not really around. At first she was a very outspoken child and wasn't very much shy, now she rarely talks around any strangers and immediately starts crying if any physical contact happens specially from men, and every time that her aunt is wiping her after going to the toilet she starts to tell her ""please dont hurt me"" and then she sometimes asks her aunt to kiss her on the mouth and stuff like this. the aunt tried to ask her many times if anyone has hurt her and she either doesn't answer or change the subject. is it normal behaviour? if not what should the aunt do? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2648,"Title: Im starting to feel again and i dont want to jinx it but im really excited Text: So yeah after i was raped i went numb they put me on a med that contributed to this and now im going to a new doctor that changed this med and put me back on something i was doing well on before and stopped because of the cost(not a worry now since its going generic in January). But anyway im slowly getting feeling back from weaning off the previous med and im so excited to finally be off it next week and mid October i will start trauma therapy finally in person for the first time since covid. Im just so excited for my growth in the next few months For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2649,"Title: I threw away my blade today Text: I've been clean for 400 days and I finally decided to throw away the blade I carry around with me. I haven't had many urges, and reaching this milestone it only seemed fitting I do so. I still felt some attachment to it and was hesitant, carrying it with me has been my safety net. I didn't think I'd manage so long clean again after the last time I relapsed, but I'm proud of myself for getting here. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 2650,"Title: why does cutting bring relief? Text: im a big sucked for biology, and i wonder if theres an actual scientific reason to why cutting works? today i had a really stressful situation but cutting made me feel so much better, what causes that? has anybody ever researched this? even when it doesnt really hurt, just seeing the blood trickle makes the emotional pain disappear. the relief isnt sometimes short lived either, so it cant just be dopamine, right? would really appreciate if someone knows the reason, i will probably research it for 5 hours straight knowing my autism lol For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2651,"Title: I'm a fully-functioning suicidal. Text: I get out of bed, prepare my breakfast, leave my house, go to work, work decently, talk with people around me, get home, can take a shower, prepare dinner, sleep. My routine is the same as any normal person, except I can only think about killing myself. I work while thinking about methods, I go to sleep while thinking of how people would react, I prepare my food while I'm setting up dates for me to die, I take a shower and think of a proper suicide letter. I can live, but I don't want to live. I feel completely alien to society. Edit: Today (27/09) I went to a psychologist, told her about these feelings, and I will be working on them. Thank you all for the kind comments. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2652,"Title: first time in college Text: I hate that I’m doing this right now. I never thought I would actually post this on Reddit I’m genuinely embarrassed. But fuck it yk lol- so I’m a freshman in college and right before I left I was deep in sh really bad. For me anyway. I know people do worse but it was the closest thing to an addiction for me. I do have a bit of a minor drug addiction too so I guess it kinda felt like that for some reference. I got into a really bad spiral tonight. I don’t know what’s been wrong w my brain but I don’t know. Sorry if this makes no sense I shouldn’t have smoked. Anyway I could really use my boyfriends help but he’s high out of his mind at a frat party and I just relapsed since starting college.He’s usually the person I tell and he helps me stop. But I want him to have fun. Damn he’s even texting me right now. I really need his support but he’s having fun in college and I’m using the closest sharpest thing next to me while texting him back like normal. If I’m going to get back into this ugly habit I’m thinking I’ll probably go out to buy a real blade tmrw. Fuck it I’m in Boston I’ll just wear sweaters. I won’t get reported for this right? Honestly I’m satisfied in talking o myself, at least I’m doing something. Lmao it’s so funny the fact that my roommate is right on the other side of the room rn lol. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2653,"Title: Feeling so tired and burnt out Text: This post will be a little all over the place. I am hoping to just let the sentences fall out and then put them together. My head feels like it can't stop thinking and that it's overheating and starting to smoke. I can't sleep good and even if I know I have to get something done I can't bring myself to get up and do it. I want to hide myself in my house and not come out anymore. Some research revealed that I'm experiencing a severe case of burnout. I really am sick of doing the same things every day and living the same boring life. There is nothing for me to do where I live and I am so burnt out on my daily activities. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2654,"Title: Found out my wife was sexually abused by her school bullies Text: She talked about this when our daughter started going to high school. She always enquire about her day at school. I never even thought this could be the reason. She confessed one day that she was sexually abused in school. I didn't ask her much and she also kept it to herself. Im the first person she has talked to. She was molested by them multiple times over a year. I wish she didn't have to worry about our daughter everytime she goes to school, but now even I'm not sure Im not worried about her well being. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2655,"Title: Through the abuse I’ve lost all sexual attraction to my husband but I’m desperately trying to make it work Text: I and my husband have been together for 3 years. My husband is incredibly handsome to me but for the life of me I don’t enjoy and dread the thought of having sex with him. I think it’s the abuse he used to put me through, physically mentally, and emotionally but mainly the verbal abuse effects me. We have a regular sex life but I force myself to have sex with him and I never initiate . I think back to all the horrible things he’s said to me and I feel disgusted. I think how can he have sex with me after saying all those gross nasty things about me. Aren’t you disgusted by me? He says he never meant any of it but that he likes to hurt bad whenever he hurts but now I don’t enjoy sex. He has been good for months without incident. The longest he’s ever been without abusing me and I’m trying to fix things but I am now sexually impotent. I really enjoy sex but I can’t enjoy it with him anymore. Is this normal with an abuser. Can this be fixed? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2656,"Title: Scared of my future Text: The future is so scary it paralyzes me I have a disability and can’t work full time and am currently failing my courses at school which would provide me with skills to get a job to support myself with…. If I can’t support myself then I’ll be homeless If I become homeless… I will kill myself before I end up there I wanted to overdose on clonazepam: /klonopin but apparently you can’t die from it unless you mix it with opioids. So I can’t even kill myself with my meds. I feel so out of control. I feel so scared. So stupid. A failure. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2657,"Title: Forms of sh I do that aren’t cutting Text: So I actually didn’t even know that there were other forms besides cutting until not too long ago (I’m very boxed & young & don’t think things through a lot) But apparently lip-picking is a form of sh - I’ve done that one since I was a child, it used to be my top lip but now it’s my bottom lip Flicking myself with a rubber band - I’ll put it on my wrist like a hair tie and just keep pulling it back - I have a hair tie now, people always ask why but I never give an explanation (I don’t use hair ties, I have short hair) Idk if this one’s true but picking at cuticles - this one doesn’t seem like it would be true because when u run it wrong it burns so you try to get it off, right? Anyway I still do it Blanking on others rn but Fr especially the lip picking that one caught me off guard bc I’m ALWAYS doing that. Literally until my fingers are covered in blood and whatever fabric is beneath me has a bunch of dead skin peelings. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2658,"Title: Classmates act disgusting. Text: I just wanted to share a story here, one that disgusts me. It’s the end of the school year, so recently our music teacher (who doesn't give a crap about what we do) just showed us a film. The film contained a scene where a character was talking about a woman getting raped. Obviously, most of the class was silent, but some people found it extremely funny. They began laughing hysterically and making very sexual gestures. Apart from that, one of my dearest friends has fallen victim to rape. I will not go into detail, as she wants to keep it a secret. All I will say is that she's doing better and goes to therapy. It was hard to calm her down, she almost began screaming. But of course, being dumb teens, they didn't care. The teacher, as usual, did not react. I was honestly so disgusted, and I was wondering if next time something like this happens, what can I do? I didn't know how to comfort my friend properly and would appreciate some advice. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2659,"Title: is this normal Text: everytime i try to do any kind of selfharm like at all i never bleed. i mainly bite and try to cut myself with a screwdriver it never works though. is this normal or is there others like this For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2660,"Title: My final suicide note, goodbye Text: I don’t think I can do this anymore. Everywhere I go, it all feels so grey. I’d often try to make myself upset, because at least it was a feeling in and of itself. Objectively speaking, my life's been great. I’ve had a plethora of friends and romantic partners, I’ve had nothing short of an amazing, loving, and dedicated family. So why do I feel so empty inside? Why is it that I can clearly remember the last time I felt true happiness? A random fleeting moment outside of a gym in 2017, it was but a fleeting moment, but I felt as if a warm cascade blanketed my soul, I felt a feeling of positive emotion radiate through me. It may have only lasted seconds, but it was sobering. It showed me what I lacked, no matter how hard I tried, that feeling never came back. It would be appropriate to say I’ve thought about suicide for quite a long time. The cold sinking feeling that stands your hair on end, the feeling of being sucked into a bottomless void of negative emotion. It felt comforting, because I felt something. My life isn’t a prototypical tragedy, its just devoid of a fundamental element of what a life should consist of. I’d probably be more satisfied if I had a better reason to do this, sometimes I long for a tragic life as a justification for my suffering. I truly am defective. To my friends and family: It should go without saying that this isn’t your fault. You could have never known. No, you shouldn’t of reached out, I didn’t want the help. Please, don’t blame yourselves. I have no interest in psychiatric treatment, I’ve read a multitude of papers on the efficacy or lack thereof when it comes to pharmacological treatments along with their intolerability. Despite being unable to register the feeling, objectively I know I was loved, and for that, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I'm sorry I couldn’t stick around any longer, I just can’t imagine decades more of this. I hereby leave all of my belongings and finances to the whim of my Mother, Father, and Sibling. Thank you for the life you’ve given me, im sorry I couldn’t stick around much longer. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2661,"Title: I’m a waste of space social misfit who deserves to die Text: I hate myself so much. I can’t do the things I think I want to do and I’m suffering for my lack of executive function. Medication has never helped. 5 years of therapy only got my so far but nothing like close to feeling myself or well. I waste away my days on bullshit fantasising about adventure and romance I’ll never experience, a family and children and loving home life I’ll never have and other scenarios that are never going to happen on account of my severe depression and other mental ailments. I’ll be almost 40 soon. I want to die. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2662,"Title: Question to healthcare related people Text: Sooo I have been doing SH for past 6 years I’m clean almost half a year (!!!!) Last month I started studying medicine. Today I had an anatomy class and I had to cut a body to prepare it blah blah And I completely freaked out. It was so terribly triggering I was calming down for next 2hours And here is the question is there anyone who is/was SHing and is/was doctor nurse whatever And can help me with any tips how not to be triggered as hell any time I see blade near upper limb? Sorry for bad English but it’s not my first language For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 2663,"Title: My coworker was inappropriate Text: I got a new job as a hostess at a restaurant. I met someone who was a part time waiter and host. He helped me get more comfortable with working as a hostess. One night we talked a lot due to lack of customers. He invited me to a nearby bar to continue our talk. This was the second time we went to a bar. We began to talk about love. I talked to him about how I really loved this one guy, how I stopped dating so I wouldn’t waste mine and other men’s time since I still loved someone else. Somehow we talked about our attitudes towards sex. He told me that I’m too “restrictive” so he would never sleep with me. Makes sense. He went on to talk about he used to be like me because of his spiritual beliefs. Then he came to the US and felt powerful while having sex. I tell him that I’m not like that. He kept repeating that it’s okay to have meaningless sex. After a while of drinking he said he wanted to kiss me. I told him the truth that he reminded me of my past love. I decided to just kiss him. We barely kissed for a minute then I told him I couldn’t do it. He understood. After we left the bar he tried to kiss me again. I told him no then he left, send me a message and apologized about pressuring me to kiss him (after I decided not to do it anymore). I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it so I accepted the apology. I finally made a new friend who was easy to talk to and loved art. Anyway, when he and I messaged each other, he made a few inappropriate comments like how he wanted to have sex with me on the lower level of the restaurant. I told him that I never wanted to have sex with him. He laughed. I told him to do that with his girlfriend. He then informed me they’re taking a break. Eventually I found out that he and his girlfriend owned a house together. If they were really on a break then that’s their business. Again, I let it go because I didn’t want to leave the job so quickly. After I decided that he was being too much, I blocked him. I let the job fairly fast because of another coworker. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 2664,"Title: i am suicidal and i feel that you can only really talk to other suicidal people about suicide and depression Text: Thanks for all great support that i get from this comunity. It have saved my life For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2665,"Title: I am suddenly craving touch Text: IDk but all of a sudden since today morning I just wanna be touched, not in a sexual way , idk just be hugged , like not even from a specific person but just idk I just am feeling sooo low , I just wanna feel somebody's body pressed against mine I just wanna feel a bit of touch Idk, I am breaking down, I have no idea why this is happening and all day long I am having this extremely high followed by extremely low phases, Idk why i am just feeling terribly lonely even though I have a lot of people who check in on me , whom i check in on , talk , and everything. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2666,"Title: I can’t do it anymore Text: I tried to post here but I think my post got deleted. I can’t live like this anymore. I can’t live at all anymore. I’m tired of feeling pain non-stop all the time, unless I’m high or drunk. I’m tired of self-harming. I’m tired of feeling so sad and miserable and not knowing why. I’m tired of hating myself. I’m tired of knowing I have no future or anything going for me in life. Monday, I will end it. I will drive somewhere 4 hours away so that nobody I know has to find my body. They’ll never know and it will take them time so there’s nothing they can do to stop me. I’ve always known it would end like this For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_active_ongoing" Question 2667,"Title: i feel like getting raped when i was a kid turned me bisexual and made me developed kinky fetishes Text: It's probably the reason i developed so many kinks that i want to do with a male, but i like girls. (I'm a male btw) Idk what my sexuality is anymore... Anyone experiencing this ? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 2668,"Title: I am sorry mother Text: I am sorry for what I am about to do. And I am sorry for dispointing you. I don't want you to be sad. I love you. I know you wanted the best for me and even if you upset me sometimes I know you didn't mean it. When there was no one else you always helped me get back up, you've always gave me hope for a better feature. And it wasn't your fault it's me. The times when we used to go to the park when I was little and you listening to my silly day I had at the kindergarten or when I was sad you would comfort me. I really miss the times when I was little and naive to not see the ugly part of life well I guess those times are long gone. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2669,"Title: My grades are fucking awful Text: Ignore the title, I regret saying that. I’m just disappointed with my grades. I’m going to get 2 B’s 5 A’s out of 7 classes. (Honors math & AP world history are what I’m struggling with) FML. My first quarter grades are low B’s so I can’t get it up by the time the second quarter ends. I’ve poured my heart out trying to do well, and this is what I get. I’ve also been moderately ill for the last few weeks and it’s been difficult to concentrate during class. World history is so fucking difficult. I am struggling so badly. I took AP biology last year and world history is literally 100x harder than that class. I desperately want to get into a UC school. Actually scratch that, I NEED to get into a UC school otherwise I really am going to kill myself, and this doesn’t cut it. Genuinely am feeling suicidal because i can’t handle this. FMLLLLL For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2670,"Title: Is this acceptable? Text: My boyfriend tends to get very overstimulated by anything, I mean anything. He also has extreme social anxiety to the point I can be in pain and needing him to go somewhere for me (I have arthritis and get severe flare ups) and he’d need me to go anyways. There have been times in the past where he’s grabbed me/shoved me/ punched me and he always says it’s because he’s severely overstimulated and that I don’t “leave him alone.” I’m a person who tries to stand up for myself and to fix the situation, but he always shuts me out and proceeds to yell and yell at me but will never let me voice myself because I’m annoying and overstimulating him. He will block my number and send paragraph after paragraph about how I always fuck things up and did this and that wrong and this is what I should’ve done better but I always mess up and that he hates me and wishes he never met me, etc. This isn’t the first time he’s hurt me, I have photo evidence of bruises from him shoving me and gripping my wrists and hands as hard as possible — only because I “overstimulated” him. Something he constantly does is grab my arms/wrists/hands or chin and makes me look at him while he’s yelling at me, all because he gets overstimulated and I “make it worse.” Lol is him getting overstimulated an excuse for that? I dont know what the fuck to do anymore. He always makes claims that he believes to be autistic but I feel like it’s just an excuse.. not him questioning if he’s autistic but him grabbing me.. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 2671,"Title: I recently moved and have become depressed Text: I recently moved into a new town far away from my family. I moved because my sibling wanted to move out of their dorm and asked if I could be a roommate. I agreed because I graduated college in the spring and was looking for a new adventure. Well it’s been about 2 months since I’ve moved and I’ve been miserable. I got a job as a waitress at a crummy diner and I very much dislike it. I don’t overly like my employees or the customers. When I’m not at work I’ve been working on my art, and it’s been hard to concentrate because I’m just sad. I haven’t made any friends and I feel I’m just in a situation I wasn’t prepared for. I just want to go home. But I can’t because of my lease. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I could make the best of my situation? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2672,"Title: Temp OOP in NYS, need advice or direction Text: I have a temp order against my ex. He lives a few roads away from me, but there’s many alternative routes to take and much better ones and more direct for him But he’s constantly driving by my house. And he’s showing up at places he knows I go. Places he’s never gone before. And places I know he dislikes. I know these are public places but other than me hiding, what can I do? He drives by when I’m walking to my car. He drives by when I’m getting the mail. He drives by when I’m on my way to work. And his schedule is completely different than mine. It’s clear he’s going out of his way to keep tabs on me I’m scared he’s following me as well I don’t have a lawyer yet but I’m looking for one. In the meantime, what can I do? It’s know legally the police can’t do anything because these are all public places. But I’m scared to go anywhere. And I’m scared to be home because he knows when I’m there For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 2673,"Title: F25-Made an account just to see if I can make some friends online Text: Hello! I am 25F and relatively ""simple"" (aka complicated) person looking for people of the same nature, or at least someone who is known to be a good friend to others, especially at a low point in their life. If you're down to become part of my circle for what my life is about to become, let's talk! **Note**: ***I sometimes take some time to reply! Usually few hours. Mainly because my social battery expires or because I end up distracted or something, you're free to message me again but if you'll get upset with me or remove me, I'm not for you.*** With that bein' said: 1. Most of my hobbies are centered around programming/web development and gaming, not pro though. I'm also known to die in an FPS game so I can eat.. don't judge me. 2. Send me memes, songs/playlists; I will give you things I find funny, selfies or whatever else i find on the internet that day - it's a love language. 3. Vent to me. idc what it's about - let me be there for you. heartbreak? tell me about your first love, tell me about the crush you have rn. tell me about your parents. your best friend. vent away. 4. I'm a severe introvert, only looking for online friendships. ***I will ask this: since I wrote so much here, can I please get more than a ""hi, how are you?"" in your message to me. I'd love something more to be able to reply to!*** For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2674,"Title: I'm a Male survivor of DV, My pain only continues. Text: I do have to give forewarning that this may sound a bit angry, just know this all comes from a place of complete disinterest for my abuser. Her abuse has earned her no remorse, sympathy and above all else any more of my time. I was a soldier. I was content. But, my brain's pathways have been broken to the point of refusing me the simplest of life's pleasures anymore. She didn't make me lose everything, she simply planted the seeds of doubt for all futures possible. She didn't take my freedom, she simply refused the airspace to allow me to fly. She didn't take my job, she just gave them a new job chastising me for *abusing her* (That was a nice kick to the balls) She didn't take my kids, she just gave the courts what they want. A damned villain full of mental damage from the years of suffocation and abuse. Ready for the jury. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2675,"Title: I think my date raped me but I’m not sure if it was rape, or my past trauma talking Text: ⚠️Trigger warning! Going into detail ⚠️ So I went in a date with a guy about three months ago, he and I got dinner and we’re in his car making out and all of a sudden he pulls out his dick, I get scared and jump off of him but while I’m off he grabs my hand and makes me rub it, and then makes me suck it, thinking this was ok I ask if he can eat me out to maybe lighten the mood he moves to a different spot and does, fingers me, and without my permission sticks it in and it hurt, agonizingly painful and I tell him to take it out and he doesn’t, then he sticks it in further and I tell him to stop again and he doesn’t and then I start crying from the pain and he finally does and gets off me and drives me home The thing is, was that rape? I’ve been raped before, as in full on forced or threatened and this wasn’t the same, he wasn’t overly forceful and wasn’t cruel to me about it, and eventually he did stop after some pleading, was that rape or was it my past trauma talking Also for further context he had mono and didn’t tell me and I caught it after so that may also be why it’s rape Edit: some of y’all are WEIRD AS HELL, why is it whenever I mention I was raped people ask for what happened in detail? Graphic detail? Every single little detail? Do y’all get off on it? Do you get pleasure from it? This has happened three times already, I came for advice and support do you know how traumatizing it is having to go into detail over and over, if you’re here for support you should, STOP For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2676,"Title: Hurts to walk right now Text: I S/H on my thigh and didn’t realize how much I really did, until I woke up this morning and had to go to school. It hurts to walk and keeps getting rubbed against my pants. But I live in one of the coldest parts of my country so shorts is a definite no go For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2677,"Title: This subreddit is giving (some) teens a much, much worse relationship with sh Text: Seriously, idk who the mods are or if there are any but there needs to be way more guidelines in this sub. Scrolling through the posts break my hurt because there are so clearly multiple teenagers who are dealing with a very real and very detrimental problem, and some of the people here are teaching them to nearly romanticize it, to hide it in person but nearly flaunt it online, to act like it’s something you can be “good” or “bad” at and not something you are addicted to - it is GROSS. I hope this thread starts a conversation that the people falling victim to these mindsets can read, and see the light a little. All self harm is valid, but you don’t NEED validity from people, you need HELP. You DESERVE help. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2678,"Title: I am going to jump off a secluded bridge on Monday Text: I just want this simulation to be over, might as well take it into my own hands For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2679,"Title: Being a deep person is a horrible combination with depression and being insecure Text: I hate it. I can have long, lengthy conversations with any individual about any topic, but if it’s anything to do with myself then it becomes an irrational heap of sadness. It’s why I’ve never let myself get close to anyone, so they don’t realise the irrational sadness I go through every day and consequently realise that I’m a mess For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2680,"Title: Workplace advice? Text: So I [21F] started a job doing a nightshift at a store stocking shelves, because i'm a mom that wants to help pay the bills also in a relationship[34M] (mostly happy together) and I'm pretty comfortable for the most part at work. (But to get a little more context, I work with an old friend of one of my older brothers and was comfortable with him til recently, I'll call him Jim[mid 20sM]) At first Jim and I would just chat at breaks and there was always some type of awkward silence between us here and there but I couldn't put my finger on it if he was crushing or just didn't know how to talk to me. So one day I thought to carpool with some coworkers, Jim was one and told the driver to just drop me off at his place seeing I only live about a block away. I hung out for an hour Jim had lots of cats so I was happy to meet the kitties and we talked about mutual games we could play together, I did mention how my relationship has been a bit rocky lately and I showed him my art, but as conversation went on he seemed to edge closer to me and felt intimidated by it. I had only planned on staying there for an hour to test the waters how he was just him and I. But 15 min til the hour was done I just felt like I needed to go, we oddly hugged goodbye but in the process he grabbed my rear and I wasn't sure if it was a mistake or not. But last night at the time I'm writing this I was paired with him and another male coworker (I got along with him and he's pretty chill) because there was a lot to do in that department and... Jim just kept staring at me, I had v-neck shirt on aswell and caught him staring right down the shirt while I was trying to stock something low to the ground. I havent told my spouse or anyone about it and I don't want to leave the job or even switch shifts... I also don't want to get him fired he'd been working there a long time and it's his living... can I get some advice on how to deal with the situation? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 2681,"Title: Today is my birthday. Text: Today’s my birthday. Today is also the day I left my abusive husband. Tonight, instead of going out with friends and family to celebrate, I’m curled around my sleeping toddler- feeling incredibly grateful that we are finally somewhere safe, but also deeply grieving the loss of my home, and everything I hoped for with a man I truly did love. And I know- I know the pathology of abuse, I know that’s how they get their hooks in you- but it doesn’t make how I felt any less real, just like it doesn’t make the pit in my stomach any less bottomless. And that’s ok. That’s just where I am right now, and that’s ok. I stand by leaving. It was absolutely the right thing to do. I just never realized how much grief, loss, heartbreak, and homesickness I would feel. He made a lot of promises to change, and after he was arrested for punching me it actually seemed like his rock bottom. For a short time there I truly thought he was genuinely changing. This weekend taught me that he isn’t- he still relies on blame shifting and intimidation to tear me down. I never thought I would spend my birthday like this. Tomorrow I’ll get up and get to work on rebuilding a life without him. But for tonight? I’m just going to hold my daughter, and grieve for the father she should have had. Love and peace to you all Xoxo For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2682,"Title: I regret reporting sexual harassment Text: The title is the tldr. I reported sexual harassment my freshman year of college, first semester. At the time, I felt threatened and did what I thought I should’ve done to protect myself. Looking back, I wish I would’ve ignored it and focused on being happy. Back story: I met this dude in class and thought he was cool so I sat next to him. I start coughing in class and he starts patting my back over and over again. I remember him starting to rub my lower back and just feeling uncomfortable so I scooted away. Then, whenever I saw him he stared at me, like dead stared at me. While he was walking in a crowded cafeteria he stared at me. Once, I caught him staring at me and when I went to do something I heard a voice in the crowded hall whispering something in my ear. I turn around and it’s him. I felt trapped and cornered, because I literally was against a wall. I told some one about it and they said they’d talk to him. Apparently when he got the sit-down he was super remorseful. Some one told me another student was uncomfortable with him and had a conversation with him about another student as well. Later when he saw me walking down a path he starts staring at me again. This time as we pass each other, he stares at me by tilting his head. I was so threatened and felt afraid. Looking back I feel like I overreacted. When I reported him for sexual harassment, I was given a no-contact order. Well, at night when I was walking with my friend I hear this voice behind me say “Hi [insert name]…” and it was him!!! He just looked at me and looked at the table. I felt like he was taunting me. He didn’t get in trouble for violating the no-contact order. Looking back I feel like he just wanted to apologize. I never have purposely hurt anyone in my life. I feel regret and guilt. I feel like still I’m overreacting. He had lots of friends. He got the lead role in the school play AFTER I reported him. He never got in trouble for sexual harassment. And I had multiple mental breakdowns. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 2683,"Title: Survivor & Advocate Text: The real culprit is within the walls of family law. The court system, the Children’s Division, police, etc. (& it doesn’t matter what city/county you reside - it’s all crooked)…they all perpetuate the problem. Until there’s a total overhaul of the “system”, DV will never end. It will only continue to get worse. Never forget that (& never trust anyone in the system - ever). For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2684,"Title: People don't understand rape. Text: I was raped by someone who I felt was a good friend of mine. I now get triggered by sex again, especially when it comes to taking clothes off. This one guy I was seeing , I shared with him that I was raped, he told me I had to work on this issue rather than supporting me and realizing how hard this is for me to even share this information. Being intimate has never been the same since but it goes to show that other people's response goes a long way in if I want to continue to date them. He continued to say more about how closed off I was sexually, rather than seeing me as a real person with feelings. I known this person for almost a year so I thought they would be more supportive. All I asked them was , please ask me if he could take off my clothes instead of going right for it , because that is triggering for me. All I asked him was to give me a choice to consent to what's going on, but he seemed very hesitant. I didn't think what I was asking was too much considering what I went through. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2685,"Title: I finally left Text: Today we had our last fight. It taught me a lot. Since June I have been stuck in a vicious emotionally abusive cycle. How it all started: I lost my job and was convinced to not find a new one because “9-5s are only for slaves”. He gave me money (what I would make in a month ) and manipulated me into thinking that I was okay and that I can become a entrepreneur overnight if I put my mind to it. ( this was his gateway to financial abuse ) He began giving me different ideas EACH WEEK (Airbnb , e-commerce, wholesale real estate, YouTube) and then immediately shooting them down as soon as he would see progress. I was going through a rough patch with my family and he took advantage of that and subconsciously scared me to go back. He would threaten me everyday to kick me out and would expect me to beg for him to let me stay. Sometimes in the middle of one-sided heated arguments he would open his arms like Jesus and console me and tell me everything was okay. I believed that I’d rather be with him than be alone. He was my happiness. I was scared to not be happy. Not realizing that I haven’t actually been happy since I moved in with him. Today I broke. I smashed my phone and went banana’s. He called his mom and my mom and made it seem like I was crazy, toxic, a bum with no home, broke, and a lazy person that didn’t want to work or go to school. He told them that I was abusive towards him and acted like he was a saint in front of them. As if he didn’t have anger issues , made me flinch during arguments, beat his steering wheel, broke my things, financially controlled my life, devalued me, and made me question my sanity. I am home and doing okay now (my mom physically had to drag me home). I’m starting to uncover a lot. He has told my mom awful things about me and I’ve realized he was tracking me this whole time with an AirTag he put in my purse (the one he gifted me). He made me gain tons of weight and took the gym out of my schedule. Today I also realized I was in a emotionally abusive relationship. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2686,"Title: I don’t want to be here anymore. Text: I’m too far gone into lies. I’ve been contemplating for a week now. I’m on a ledge about 5-6 stories high. I want to leave, but I’m scared of the pain I might feel. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2687,"Title: Am I overreacting? Text: a guy I genuinely liked used to always ask for nudes, even after I told him SEVERAL times how uncomfortable it makes me. He’s told me detailed things he would do to me and even made comments about me out loud in school. I’m still hurt by it, I’ve only wore sweatpants and hoodies here lately. But I don’t want to be overreacting? I’m just so uncomfortable with my body now. I’m not sure if this counts as harassment or not. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 2688,"Title: I wish I was in a coma Text: Just being able to sleep for a while, to not having to worry about what's happening, seems nice. Just me and my subconscious. ""Please don't wake, no don't shake me, leave me where I am. I'm only sleeping."" For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2689,"Title: Carbon monoxide poisoning Text: Does anyone here know anything about carbon monoxide poisoning via a car in the garage? I was wondering how that would work if I do want to attempt one day For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2690,"Title: How do I even post anything Text: Yes, I know the title sounds idiotic. I'm subscribed to a bunch of subreddits related to mental health, self-improvement, and the like. This was one of the reasons why I even made a Reddit account in the first place - to engage in communities that would give me help, advice, and resources about my mental health struggles, and thereby give me the means to overcome them. But I keep finding that my depression prevents me from posting anything. As simple as it is to make a Reddit post, I just can't seem to get myself to do it. Depression isn't the only thing keeping me from posting, but it seems like the largest contributor. What the fuck am I even supposed to do about this? I feel so useless and defeated. It makes me ashamed to think about how much better things could be if not for this inane obstacle. I would also ask if anyone else here has the same problem, but all things considered I'm not sure anyone would post a comment saying they do. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2691,"Title: I'm ready to do it at the soonest opportunity Text: I've got everything but location settled, and I'm executing myself at the soonest opportunity For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2692,"Title: I self-harmed again after being free for more than 5 years Text: I thought I could cope in a healthy way, but the voices in my head were too loud this time and I couldn't avoid it. I feel so ashamed of it, there were people proud of my long self-harm free streak. But I've disappointed all of them and it only makes me want to hurt myself more. I don't know what to do now. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2693,"Title: I'm so tired of living Text: Everyday is unbearable pain. So tired of waking up. I'm desperate. I need to get out of here NOW I'm so BORED For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2694,"Title: i don’t know atp, Text: i don’t even want to die, i just want to kill myself. i’m sick of living in repetition. it’s never going to get better. i want to run away from death, i think i’m going to try and commit soon; i need adrenaline. i need something, something, something. i want substance, it hurts. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2695,"Title: My husband died and I want to too Text: I’m only 26(F) years old, and we were newlyweds of just 20 days when he died. It’s been 2 months and 1 day. At first, I was staying alive to take care of all of his arrangements. We were 22 (him) and 25 when he died very suddenly out of nowhere. I turned 26 3 days before I had to bury him. I feel like I should have died too. I was just starting to process a bad childhood, I’m living with chronic illness, and not close to my family for good reasons. My dog Riley is the only reason that I’m even staying alive and getting out of bed right now. He’s only 3 years old...and is grieving too. Barely eating, not playing as much. And I’m in so, so much pain. My husband was everything to me - and we didn’t even get 3 weeks before he died. I want to die too, to be with him. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2696,"Title: Idk what to do Text: I (19f) am quite a mess rn. I've had troubles with work from day 1, and a few days ago i had a fall. I haven't been in since so I've had loads of time to myself. Work are fully aware but haven't done anything about the fall (there was no wet floor sign/ there's no record of the fall). it feels like the world is against me rn even though I'm trying for everyone and everything. Having all this time and no one really to talk to is driving me insane and I'm not sure what to do. I posted something similar last night but thought I could post here and see if anyone has any advice? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2697,"Title: sexually harassed Text: Today my hair cutter came home to cut one of my relatives hair and offered to do my hair spa while they were busy I said yes because i was anyways feeling low and wanted a break Then after applying the spa Came the massage part He started with my head to my neck and then back .. and then chest area above the breasts It felt dirty i knew it in my head but i couldnt ask him to stop something inside i dont i just dont know why Then after a few minutes he asked whether he can continue there and i said no Its been hours since this happened but i still cant get it why cant i say NO. I am feeling so dirty Did i let him touch me Why couldnt i stop him there My relatives were in the other room What is fucked and wrong with me .. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 2698,"Title: I’m scared Text: I don’t want to die, but I don’t want to live like this. I just don’t want to exist. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2699,"Title: Any tips on stopping? Text: I've been hitting myself and sometimes causing bruises. I want to stop but it's not like I have an object to distance myself from. I can't just take off my hands and leave them in another room. How do I control the urge when it feels too strong to ignore? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2700,"Title: Hi. We're Operation: Safe Escape, a nonprofit that helps people leave abusive relationships. We're hosting a free conference for professionals and volunteers working to do the same thing. Text: Hi, I'm Chris. I'm the Executive Director for [Operation: Safe Escape](https://goaskrose.com). We focus on the tech and security aspect of leaving a domestic violence situation, working with both the individuals and the shelters, safe houses, and support systems that protect them after they leave. I've done a few AMAs here before. On October 11 and 12, we're hosting our first conference for professionals and volunteers that work with victims of domestic violence. It's completely free, and we'll discuss topics like computer security, physical security, CPTED, OPSEC, counter-surveillance, active shooter response, and more. We'll be hosting presenters from Amazon, Cofense, the DoD, FBI, and other subject matter experts. If you're interested in attending, registration is open [here](https://www.opsecprofessionals.org/2018-domestic-violence-safety-and-security-conference). Space is limited to 150 attendees and filling up fast! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2701,"Title: I’ve dug myself in a financial hole and I don’t know how to get out. Text: I’ve been at a low point in the last year or two. I’ve found that one of my most unhealthy coping mechanisms is comfort spending. I buy something hoping that it’ll make me happier, and of course it doesn’t. I’ve got several credit cards maxed out and I’m at the point where I’m pretty much living paycheck to paycheck. When I get paid, I still buy unneeded things from funds in my checking account, but I’ve gotten in such of a habit of doing so, I think it would almost worsen my depression symptoms if I buckled down and only dedicated myself to buying the “necessities” and paying off my debts. I think I’ve gotten used to living outside my means. Are there any resources out there for helping people get themselves out of a financial hole? I can’t see myself getting myself out of this hole in any less than several years. It’s probably going to take just as much time to rebuild my credit, and the credit issue leaves me worried that I’ll never be able to buy a home or anything else that takes credit into account. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2702,"Title: I’m so confused. Am I in the wrong? Text: So spouse said a few evenings ago that our new car is his and I will never drive it. This is because I wanted to go visit my girl friend and her baby. He didn’t want me leaving. So he said all that. Fast forward to tonight, He calls me to come help bring groceries in and I see a sticker with a rude saying on it on the glass of our (??) $700+/mth car. After a few minutes, the sticker on the car still didn’t sit right with me. It’s disrespectful to me as it’s presumably my car too. So that prompted the question… was he serious about that being his car only. So as I’m unloading the dishwasher and he’s doing the groceries behind me (very casual setting, my tone was neutral) I ask “hey so I noticed the sticker. Were you serious about this being just your car?” He goes “oh now you’re starting. We’re not eating now.” And he storms off and closes our bedroom doors loud. Wtf 😭 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 2703,"Title: SH with small cuts in large patches? Text: I always make small cuts but in large patches and it's so hard to cover with normal bandaids without having a huge fuckin layer of them all over. I try and use my nonstick pads sparingly. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2704,"Title: i am suiciding tonight, good bye Text: this is the end, I once told her that this day would come. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2705,"Title: i wish i could sleep forever Text: i’m so happy when i cuddle up in bed with my electric blanket and my pillow and stuffed animals. i genuinely just wish i could stay like that forever, in a warm bed, never waking up. it sounds so peaceful. i wouldn’t have to deal with everything that’s going on, i wouldn’t have to stress, i would just be done and stuck in that moment forever. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2706,"Title: Female Firefighter Text: I was raped by one of my officers. He wanted to meet up for lunch and have a decent conversation so I thought. He ended up putting me in the back seat of my car and raping me. I said no but I couldn't stop him, my body just wouldn't fight or run. I stood up and told my chief and the authorities, they all say im lying and im crazy and it was consensual, I was fired from my department, with no answers in sights. It drives me crazy every night. I hate that I'm being told that I wanted it and I didn't. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2707,"Title: not everyone does sh Text: i know its so damn obvious but reality really hits me hard in the face when i think about it. not everyone uses blades as a coping mechanism. its weird to see people with smooth and clean arms and legs while mine look like war happened on them. i feel so jealous seeing clear arms knowing that my scars will never go away and i know that it is no ones fault but mine. i wish i wasnt such a dumbass and i wish i never started sh. i want clean arms and legs again For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 2708,"Title: Caring for beans Text: I’m currently in a relapse. This is the first time I’ve been hitting beans (did it once and now I can’t go shallower anymore) and the cuts have been small, an inch or 2. But last nice I cut and I have a beans cut that goes across my whole fore arm. Like 3 or 4 inches. I feel like I remember reading that you shouldn’t put ointments on beans cuts. And no I will not be getting stitches. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2709,"Title: Fuck you. Text: I'm done. Fuck you. You caused this. I fucking hate you, you stupid bitch. You caused this. I could have been normal. But now I can't be. I wanted to be normal. I hate this. You ruined my life. Suffer. I hate you. I kill myself tomorrow. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2710,"Title: My friend doesn’t like serious talk Text: Im not really good with suicidal people, and shes suicidal. I think she cut herself, but told me it wasn’t her. She told me its hard to explain, and doesn’t like that I asked about it. I dont want to make her uncomfortable, but I wanna be able to help her. Im afraid that if I push it, she will not wanna talk about her problems to me anymore. I dont want her to feel uncomfortable about telling me anything. We are both F18. I’m hoping for a good advice. Im realy scared that one day it will be too late. She actually told me “I’m gonna be upfront with you, that I did”. I asked her what she meant by that, while sobbing, and that might’ve scared her from telling me the truth. So she just brushed it off with “nvm” and told me to stop crying. It was scary. I never imagined her to hate living so much. I wanna be able to understand her and be there for her. What should I do? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2711,"Title: i feel like i have everything i could ask for and i still want to kms Text: my moods have been swinging so much recently and i feel like i could have an amazing day and yet whenever it turns to nighttime i just feel like theres no purpose for anything anymore so why suffer for no reason why not just end it now? i literally have such an amazinf support system and talents and education and im good looking and i have a good future but all i want is for everything to just be over already For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2712,"Title: Is this abuse? Text: I'm 17y old soon to be 18, my father always hits me and claims he's trying to tease me and joke around, by hitting I don't mean he hits me to the point he causes bruises, he hits me on a certain spot to the point my legs/arms are red, and he still claims it's sth normal and it's a joke(since that's how he used to play with his siblings/father when he was a kid), today I snapped at him and yelled to stop """"joking"""" around like that, he got frustrated and yelled at me bc I yelled at him to stop and started giving me a lecture on how I didn't have any RIGHTS to get mad like that plus he called me over sensitive and people will hate me if I was like that, is there any way I can stop this, I tried to talk to him about it but he gets mad about it and won't look at me in the eye for a couple of days, then the (teasing/joking) starts once again after he forgets about the argument. I'm srsly going insane just bc of this """"joking"""" cycle I don't know what to do anymore. Is this some kind of abuse, I know some won't see it as a big deal but for me it's way too much for me to handle For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",childabuse_endangerment_ongoing Question 2713,"Title: I'm gonna kill myself in a hour Text: Like fr fr I'm going to kill myself haha lol For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2714,"Title: My SO self-harms and I want to help, but I dont know how. Text: Afaik, she is addicted to self-harming. I really want to help her, but I have no clue on how to do it, as I am scared I will hurt her more unintentionally. Ive been trying to learn a bit more about sh via this subreddit, but I still dont know how to be able to support her. Before anyone mentions therapy, that wont work as she already goes to a few and it doesnt seem to do anything. I know she won't stop selfharming because of me, but if I can atleast stop her from doing it often im already happy with that. Any help will be really appreciated :) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2715,"Title: I'm the weird kid among the weird kids Text: Well, not much of a kid I guess (18M) but most of my life has been childhood and this is what it's about. I was identified as a gifted kid pretty young, and I was homeschooled until high school. Complete isolation from social interactions didn't help much since when I did go to public school for high school, I was clueless. I had the social and emotional maturity of a 5 year old, dealing with the problems of a 14 year old. I tried to make friends since that's what people say is normal but I couldn't. I had no idea how. I was never able to form a deep connection with anyone, either I'd push them away somehow or they were never interested in being friends but I couldn't tell since I was a social idiot. I was one of the ""weird kids"" yet I couldn't even make friends among that group. I was (and am) a giant loser lol. Now I'm in my first year of college and it's even worse since I lost all faith in my ability to form connections. I barely even try anymore. Anything I try when it comes to people deteriorates quickly. I'm sick of this shit and I'm sick of myself. Sorry for the vent, needed to get it off my chest For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2716,"Title: Humiliated in court Text: I've written this post about 3 times and deleted it. There's so much I want to vent but none of it can convey even a glimpse. So much sickened me today, the spin and lies were so degrading and I had no opportunity for response. But it's something else that set me off to begin with which may seem a petty grievance but it stung. Seeing a parade of his relatives vouching for his character and offering their caretakership upon his release, each and every one of them lying through their teeth. Meanwhile I have zero support, no family supporting me, it was crushing to see the contrast. I want to vomit remembering the countless times he told me how alone I was, that he was all I had, that my parents hate me and I have no friends because I'm a worthless dog, all while he did everything possible to isolate me so he could torture me with no repercussions, no witnesses to ever fully know what a sadistic, twisted hell he took me to. And that horrific existence will forever remain a secret. Even if convicted, I will be humiliated in the process and his true evil will remain hidden beneath the PR spin. One crime can be proven, but not the accumulation of thousands of crimes that combined to stategically break me. Please, anyone reading this, document everything and store it safely. Even if you have no desire to involve the police, keep it in case the moment arrives when you grow strong enough to reject his hate and hold him accountable or for when your life is in grave danger and that evidence is your ticket to safety. Document, please, please, please. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2717,"Title: disturbed plans make me crazy Text: Tw|; swearing Okay so this one is super complicated to explain but pleas bear with me, \I have a huge problem with my routine or plans being disturbed. And when i say huge problem, it means that if one tiny thing doesn't go as planned i go batshit crazy and start crying and have a fucking panic attack. i feel absolutely crazy. Its so hard to explain but for example if i plan my day and something unexpected comes in, disturbs my plan just a tiny bit but not enough to shaken the whole plan, it like dominos, everything just starts falling and i have a meltdown. It has been getting worse since i am older, now i have a job and am a full time student and with more responsibilities, come more plans which means more things to disturb. It is driving me fucking nuts. let me give u some examples: 1. yesterday the water in my building got cut off due to some repairs, no one told me. my plan for today was wash hair, tidy up apartment, clean dishes, got to lessons, go to the office so sign things ( I'm off today), come back, relax and have boyfriend come over. now that i don't have e water i feel like I simply cant do anything else, I feel like i cant go to lessons not to the office, I cant tidy up, my place is stinking up from not washing dishes for two days, I cant take a fucking shower I cant ebdjfcnd example number 2. if I'm late for work, even a tiny bit, i feel like my whole shift I disturbed and I'm literally lost all over the place. I have been at this job for more then a year and half so i know everything by routine, its not a hard job. \i have to get there 30 minutes before my shift starts, so i can turn on my computer , prepare coffee and load emails. |If I'm late even a minute, its like i forget how to do my job, im late with responding to emails, my brain gets all foggy and i get so stressed. For the background|: im 21, live alone with my cat, have been taking meds for bipolar since 17 and they are very good. they balance me pretty good, still have episodes but the volume and intensity is way down. One of the meds i take is for calming down and i use it only when necessary, and i really don't want to use it for times like this. I need help for real, my therapist says to relax and when i ask how she tells me to go dancing or draw and that doesn't relax me at all. Can someone relate? is there anything i can do to literally chill out? its been consuming me and i don't know how to go on with it being out of control. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2718,"Title: Witnessed a grab, shove and yelling. Text: My parents witnessed My BIL grab my sister and shove her down the hall of their mansion home. They had been drinking and she was hysterical and crying, upset with my parents. He told her to stop, grabbed her upper arm, and then yelled “Get over here.” Shoved her. Then yelled “Go to your room.” She showed me a bruise the next day, had no idea where it was from. I didn’t know about the grab, but when I did, I knew what the mark was. She was rubbing it on day 2 after, and I asked her if she figured out what it was. I think she had. She told me bug bite. They have 3 small kids under 6. This is the first time my family witnessed physical stuff. He had definitely raised his voice in the past. She and my parents are not on great terms right now. They have not confronted her with what they saw. Should they? I gave her an Avenue to talk to me, she said life is good and all she is sad about is that my parents don’t visit her enough. They live like kings and queens, vacation multiple times a season. Perfect Instagram. Is this DV? is it possible that it isn’t? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2719,"Title: My first boyfriend/r◇pist texted me back. Text: This is what he sent me: What should I say? I'm sorry for the way I treated you. I'm sorry that I hurt so many people around us, Especially Zoe. Whenever I think about you, I'm filled with regret for how selfish and manipulative I was towards you and everyone else. I've spent the last five and a half years trying to make myself nothing like who I used to be so that it never happens again. I've walked closer to God and He's changed my life. I can say now that I wasn't following Him before, (which you already know). I don't watch porn or masturbate anymore, I've put off wicked lustful ways that I had convinced myself were okay somehow. I'm sorry that I've scarred you so, I hope that you truly have been set free by the Lord and this won't torment you any longer. I don't think it's healthy for us to stay in contact, especially considering that you're married. If you need to tell me anything to get closure, please say it. I will not argue with you, I won't have a long conversation with you, but I will hear you out. I think that's deserved For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2720,"Title: How can I make a record of her physical violence, without pressing charges? Text: I am bleeding on the face, neck, and arm For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 2721,"Title: Sunday night was a blank until he told me what he did. Text: My husband raped me on Sunday. This is not the first, nor will it be the last, but there is an end in site. I had spent the weekend with my friend. And we messed around with my husband on Sunday. When we got home, I smoked some weed, because facing him alone without something to help with my anxiety is a bad idea. And after kids were asleep I drank some and went to sleep. He woke me up. I went back to sleep. He woke me up. I needed to shower. I asked him to get me up to shower I guess? I think I did but honestly I'm no longer certain. He got me in the shower. I remember the water, warm. I remember the tiles I was leaning against, cold. I think I remember him washing my hair? I can't be sure. I remember a hand ""washing"" my body. I remember being dizzy, almost passing out, bent over, then almost on the bottom of the tub because I couldn't stand anymore. I remember part of physical reaction that I hate. He told me we had sex in the shower the next day I think...and I was like... what shower? And he told me ""i didn't mean to turn you on"" and ""I was just washing your body and then you got turned on"" and didn't see a problem when I pointed out how intoxicated I was, I could hardly walk down the hall. And writing this.... I've never been that out of it after the little I smoked and the little I drank. I have never been black out, falling down, passing out drunk without serious binge drinking. Even if I hadn't eaten very much I am over 250 pounds, I had 1/4 of a four Loco, 12%abv, and it was a normal weed strain for me. Even with so little sleep it shouldn't have been an issue. This week I've lost over 7 pounds. I cant eat. I can hardly drink anything. I have been puking. Thank God I'm on my period but that is almost over and he knows it. He's been asking every day if I'm done bleeding. I leave in 5 weeks, 1 day, 21 hours. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","domesticviolence_ongoing, rape_ongoing" Question 2722,"Title: I want real friends Text: I'm so fucking sick and tired of making fake friends who claim we'll always be friends and stay in touch only to rarely talk to me or stop talking to me altogether for no reason, like one day everything seems great and then they won't respond till super late with a short response or won't respond period. I don't understand why this keeps happening to the majority of my friendships, especially those with other queer people. I really want genuine friends who'll actually stick by me, especially other queer folk (I'm a bi trans woman). I'm sick of fake people and liars. Why is it so hard to find real people who don't have ulterior motives like just using me or wanting sexual things? 🙃🙃🙃 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2723,"Title: continuous sexual harassment at school and nothing being done Text: hi! so i’m a high schooler and for 2 years now, on and off, i have been harassed and ridiculed by one particular student at my school. the staff members are very aware of the situation and have been from the start. in 2020, i was chased around the school by a group of boys who screamed that i was a skank and yelled at people for talking to me because “we don’t talk to skanks”. this group was led by the person who continues to harass me still. i thought this was sexual harassment, as a skank is an offensive sexual comment and it was clearly unwanted. an administrator even witnessed this happening on one occasion when i yelled back at the group and i was reprimanded while they were told to carry on to where they were going. as you all know, covid shut down schools and i live in america so for me that meant i was out from march 2020- september 2021. when i returned to school this year everything was fine for a while until there was a function for the senior class where he saw me laugh and screamed that i was a rude bitch and a skank. he admitted this to an administrator and there were multiple witnesses who all confirmed that he did this and in front of a large group of people. i have been out of school for multiple weeks since the problem occurred so tomorrow will be the day i bring it back up to the principal or a teacher i trust… i guess the reason i’m sharing this story is to ask if anyone has been through anything similar and just any advice on confronting my school and the officer there on not doing anything. thanks For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 2724,"Title: Killing myself this week Text: A little nervous about dying but oh well. Idk what to put in my suicide note, leave some suggestions maybe if you want. Or maybe if you think I shouldn't write one at all For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2725,"Title: life is really bleak. Text: Even if you do end up with an SO and lots of friends, there is no guarantee they'd always be there to help fix things, or to be with you in your harsh times. And from what I've experienced, they always leave, even the SO would not stand with you if that is something it bothers them. Yea my dudes, life sure is shit if we can't stand strong alone. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2726,"Title: I don’t know how to keep on going Text: I feel like my life has no purpose now, college is going so bad for me and my girlfriend of 3 1/2 years came out as aromantic and I don’t know what to do with my life anymore. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2727,"Title: I feel like I am being watched Text: So I have this problem where I constantly feel as though as I am being watched. Not in a stalker kind of way but more of a spiritual (?) way I guess. What I mean by that is that ever since I can think the people around me have been very spiritual and telling me that god, the angels and my ancestors are always watching me... I guess I took that a little bit too literally because now when I am sitting alone in my own room, looking less presentable than usual I always feel like I should be embarrassed because some ghost like thing is always around me. I don't really believe in any of that and I am atheistic but I cant help feeling constantly embarrassed with myself. And it's not even the funny kind of embarrassment but rather the ""I am so fucking disgusting"" type if you know what I mean. Over the years it has only been getting worse and I feel like someone is always listening to my thoughts and making fun of me or seeing how disgusting I am... Sometimes it even feels like I am some side character in a series and there's thousands of people pointing and laughing about me. I can't even get undressed, masturbate or just like dance in peace because it always makes me feel so embarrassed, pathetic and disgusting like I am constantly getting judged too. Does anyone else have this problem because it's genuinely kinda hard to live in a constant state of embarrassment?... P.S. Sometimes I also get this stalker-kind-of-being-watched feeling and since I have a very good imagination I tend to imagine myself (unwillingly) like I was in a movie scene and that the moment is like the oblivious side character in a horror movie right before they get murdered as though as I am just anticipating a jumpscare. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2728,"Title: Advice needed Text: I work full time in a very male dominant industry coaching high school age female athletes. As a female, I have had to adapt to having a high level of tolerance for the jokes and teasing. I've tried to be less reactive to jokes and teasing, especially when they are sexual. It has always bothered me but I have always tried to keep my head down, work my ass off, and laugh it off as to not ruffle feathers. Our head coach (male) is well known in the industry having worked with the top level athletes in the country. He's charming and everyones buddy, including the athletes. He seems to always be making people laugh. This is my second year working with him and I've noticed a few different things about his behavior... but in general he seems to knock people down if they aren’t playing along with him. I'm not sure when it was but at some point, he began to feel comfortable enough to start making jokes with athletes about me and my dating life. Much of this seemed to start last year when I had entered into a new relationship, which has since then ended. Today, things boiled over when an athlete approached me saying that he was joking with the team that I like to be tied up and am on a farmers dating app. Side note- the absurdity of putting that sentence into writing is ridiculous. Following this interaction with the athlete, I then confronted him on the matter and he turned it around blaming the girls for the conversation saying they have been joking that I’m an escort, on tinder, and recently hooked up with our athletic trainer- none of which is true. I was upset and not quite about how I felt. He told me I needed to calm down so I could listen to his side of it and continued claiming it was a topic the girls had brought up. He implied that he was somewhat trying to shut the topic of discussion down, but having witnessed similar conversations between he and athletes in the past, I had a very hard time believing him. He said he was sorry in a way that made me believe he knew he had put himself in a vulnerable situation. He then offered to go meet with the girls and address things. He gathered the girls up and told them that we couldn’t make jokes like this because it will hurt someone’s feelings... specifically using examples of the jokes they were making about me. He turned and asked if I had anything I wanted to add... I couldn’t even find the words to say in that moment but nothing was enough to explain to these girl why this behavior was so unacceptable. I strongly believe our culture has been tainted. I feel responsible for not calling out just how not okay it is earlier on. I’m trying to figure out what I can do so not to blow up the team but still address the issue. We need to be able to get through the season and if anything I want these girls to learn from this so they don’t have to go through it themselves. I would love some words of wisdom with this one. Cheers! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 2729,"Title: Can you live a fulfilling life without any friends or family support? Text: Looking for people to share their experiences or bring discussion. Can you honestly say your life has been happy without any friends? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2730,"Title: Raped in 🇺🇦 Text: I don't know why i am reposting this again, i guess it helps me going on just by writing and talking about it. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2731,"Title: Does anyone else feel completely lost in their 20s? Text: I was told these were supposed to be the best years of my life, but instead I’m stuck in a job which I have no passion for, have no girlfriend, no friends and I feel like I’m being left behind by all the people I grew up with. I have pretty bad social anxiety and it’s caused me to push a lot of people away in the past and I can never maintain any relationships. This has led me to crippling loneliness. But it’s so hard when the thing I crave most (a social life) is also the thing that causes me the most anxiety. So I figured I’d try and make a few internet friends first. I turn 27 next month, from the UK and I’m into Sports, gaming and anything to do with Geography or travelling. Send me a message if you’re Interested in making an internet friend yourself :) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2732,"Title: I have been inappropriately touched by women. How do I say ni when this happens? Text: I need an advice on this matter. I (m) have been touched by several females in my life. For example, there was this girl in college I was good friends with. One day, out of blue, she looked at my chest and touched it, saying, ""Wow, you have nice packs!"" I was confounded and didn't know even what to say right away. But I thought it would only be fair if I could do the same, so I tried grab her boob (not roughly). She retracted and told me that it was not the same. Or there is this another girl who pinched my nipple for making a sarcastic joke. I mean, what the heck?? Do people think men's nipples are not as sensitive as women's?? Or that men too would feel insulted by being treated that way? These two are just few examples of many. There have been incidents where an older woman touched my butt with a compliment, but I felt pressured to put on a mask just because I'm a guy. They seemed to normalize it without even being conscious of the fact that what they did to me would be considered sexual harassment. It took me years even for me to come to realize this. I was even once told to take these actions as compliment. Though I don't think I need to see a counselor or amything, I still feel a bit insulted by actions. Whenever I see these women sometimes, I can't really be at ease. Is this something usual that happen to other guys too? How do I address this to women who do this? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 2733,"Title: Friend said I was talking about my abuse a lot yesterday... Text: and I didn't even realize it. Then I was asked if I had done anything to cause it and that I need to just let it go and figure out what I really want in life, etc. I'm not one to dwell on the words of others but damn I can't lie and say I haven't been thinking about this interaction almost non-stop for the past 24 hours. Haven't been able to process it. That's all, just needed to let this out into the world. Big heart out to my fellow battered people out there. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2734,"Title: Burns Text: So recently I’ve relapsed and it was just cuts and stuff but I wanted more pain which isn’t good and I have therapy tomorrow. But how can I make the blisters not hurt tomorrow or do I need to pop them? I know you aren’t supposed to but kinda feels like I need to. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2735,"Title: I don’t know why this is happening Text: We’ve been dating over 12 months and it was so nice up untill we moved in together. He gets moody. When he drinks it’s even worse but he will get mad yell at me for no reason and if I yell back or even ignore him/walk away he gets close to me trying to intimidate me hell corner me or look down at me and slam the wall to frighten me and stuff like that. The most recent thing to happen was we were in the bedroom he was annoyed and kept snapping at me so I swore at him and he grabbed at me and slammed my head on the wall so I retaliated which isn’t something I’ve ever done before and I shoved him back and tried kicking him a lot. He grabbed me by the hair and forced mg head down to his crotch. He let go of me when I stopped kicking him and threatened to rape me if I tried to kick him again. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","sexualharassment_ongoing, domesticviolence_ongoing" Question 2736,"Title: is there a way to make the redness go away? Text: i just need the redness of my fresh s/h to go down a bit so my parents dont get suspicious i dont roll up my sleeves anymore For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2737,"Title: 16M can I tell my therapist about my suicidal thoughts without him telling my parents? Text: I don’t want to go to a mental hospital Edit: I talked to my therapist and he told me he is going to tell my parents. I appreciate everyone trying to help me, but I just don’t see things getting better. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2738,"Title: It’s ok to cry Text: I realised tonight that I have no one left in my life that I can rely on, or, more accurately, that I haven’t for a very long time. I’ve always doubted myself, “maybe I’m being unreasonable”, “they tried their best”. I made the mistake of bottling up my feelings, both from myself and the people in my life, because I convinced myself that what I felt was wrong, that it was selfish to feel the way I do. However, I realised tonight that the way I felt wasn’t wrong, and that I really have been let down by almost every person I once trusted. This realisation hit me like a truck, and on my way home tonight I cried, really cried, so much so that I had to pull over and get a hold of myself. This is despite the fact that I almost never cry. And you know what’s funny? All those emotions that I had bottled up for so long came rushing out, all at once, and I don’t know the perfect word to describe the feeling, but much of the tension that was there before is gone. And I want anyone who reads this to know not to blame yourself for how you feel, don’t bottle up your emotions, your feelings matter and even if there’s no one in your life who you can talk to, you can at least listen to yourself. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2739,"Title: i dont think im gonna make it Text: I'm 13 and I haven't been able to go to school, all of my peers are way ahead of me and then there's me, a stupid suicidal kid who has adhd, at the end of 6th grade i tried to kill my self but when my mom found out I got sent to a mental hospital and taken out of school, now I have to do homeschool but its like I don't even learn anything, I cant do basic math and my mom wont help, I'm scared to get older because I don't think I'm gonna be able to get a good job and have to live with my parents, id much rather die then do that so I'm not too sure about what I'm gonna do For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","suicideideation_active_past, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 2740,"Title: I showered, brushed my teeth and shaved for the first time since June of 2016 Text: I'd slowly let myself slip away, and reviled in filth for the better part of the year. I don't know why I chose to do this now, but I've never felt better. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2741,"Title: I feel so guilty now for relapsing Text: I usually dont regret any of it but this time i do. Is this a good sign? I hate how horrible I feel for hurting my self. Im sitting here looking at it them and i feel worse. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2742,"Title: Urges Text: I want to hurt someone physically so badly. I just want to kill someone, torture someone, brutally, in the worse way possible. But I could never. I’d probably cry if I did, and id go to jail, and God would be mad at me. But I need to, the urge is so strong. It’s so lonely in my own mind space, time is going by so quickly, I don’t want to see the people I love die fast and the songs that came out 1 year ago turn into 5 years ago. I need to hurt someone, I need to choke someone to death damn it I know it would feel so good. I’m not a psychopath or sociopath or any of those labels cus I definitely have people I love, like my family. And I couldn’t kill anyone I’d break down and cry feeling sad why did I do that and karma. But damn itttt I need to fuck I really want to but I can’t i can’t and id do it to animals but I don’t want to think about the amount of bad karma I’d suffer. I’d start with a bunny and gouge it’s eyes out First. Oh it feels so good thinking about it, but what can I do i want help but by getting help I’d become normal. I’d lose everything that makes me special. having mental issues is the only thing I am good at. My parents shouldnt have given me a good life. I have no dreams and will amount to fucking nothing. I don’t need a psychologist anyway I’m perfectly fine I would never actually kill anything. fuck fuck fuck the urge is so strong but rest assured I won’t do it ! Lol! I thought I was autistic but I’m the most average person ever in terms of social life academics iq whatever, idk y I thought that but ok ok bye For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2743,"Title: would it affect me much if I gave up medicine after two days of taking it? Text: Hello, before I'll explain everything. I have epilepsy medicine reluctant(yes, I remembered to add it's medicine reluctant, I am smart enough), and the psychiatrist is aware of it. And that's the matter because I've been having convulsions, my hands trembles so much it's hard to write and I cannot do anything because I feel dizziness. I decided to read the text included with medicine, and it's crystal clear written few times that I should not take these medicines and should contact doctor, but it's 9pm, the clinic is closed and will be until Monday. I don't want to risk having seizure but the side effects after stopping getting them don't look good either. I just started so maybe stopping taking them now wouldn't be that bad, but still I need to ask you. In the past I had similar experience, I had been taking the medicines prescribed by psychiatrist (different one) but I stopped because I started getting a lot of seizures, and it's definitely something I don't want to repeat. Before I'll get scolded why I write it now. I thought that these are part of some sort heavier anxiety attack, I got into hospital two weeks ago because I couldn't breath(sorry, I forgot the word) due to heavy stress, and I had similar experience as well, so I automatically connected it to this not to epilepsy. I just happened to have time and check the text just in case, and the outcomes are like I've written, and now I don't know what to do and I cannot call anybody. I should have read this before I took them, I know, but in the other hand why would psychiatrist give me medicines that I can't take. Also, I am sure I took medicines for epilepsy. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2744,"Title: my therapist likes me to pinky promise that i won’t kms Text: as the title says, my therapist likes me to pinky promise that i won’t kms from them until next session. she’s only forgotten once and i wasn’t suicidal that week. it’s annoying but i love it and it makes me happy that someone cares. but if she forgets again, i’m going to kill myself. she doesn’t know that tho. i’ve already written her a suicide note so now we just wait. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2745,"Title: I regret not taking the kit Text: My grandmother took me to the station. Practically forced me to because I was so hung up on my bf thinking I was cheating. I live in a fly inn only community so I had to get flown out. When I got there I was bleeding I couldn’t pee or shit for 2 days because I just wanted to forget it happened. He’s still out there. I know it and I wish I knew how he looked like bc during I couldn’t bear to look at was going on. I wish rapists could get locked away forever. I carry a knife bc I refuse to freeze up like I did before. I even carry keys. I won’t freeze up and I don’t care if I go to jail. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2746,"Title: My boyfriend’s birthday is in a week. Text: Covid has destroyed my body. My nervous system is wrecked. I’m constantly painfully bloated. My heart is always racing when i’m not laying down. I am in pain all the time. Doctors are practically useless. I’m so strung out at this point. Ive read people’s stories who’re still suffering years after acute infection. I am not a strong person. I was depressed way before becoming sick. I already had horrible derealization. It is so much worse now. My body doesn’t feel like my own. I am so weak. Physically numb all the time. So many terrifying symptoms. So little is known about Covid and it’s after effects I feel so hopeless. I was forced to move back in with my abusive family. I can’t work or go out. I’m afraid to take medication to treat symptoms and make things worse because nobody knows what’s really going on. I’m afraid any adverse side affects would be enough to kill me; my body is so weak. I’m so skinny now. Feels like i’m wasting away. Everyday is a nightmare. My boyfriend’s birthday is next week and I might see him. I don’t want to kill myself before then. Or after really. I don’t want to ruin the month for him. But I’m so tired of being afraid all the time. I’m tired of suffering. It’s so funny that in my head suicide is the answer to being scared of dying from illness. I just feel so hopeless. He is the only good thing in my life. I want to wait I want to push through but I am not strong. I don’t want to do this anymore. No one can really help me unless I help myself and I am simply not strong enough. I wasn’t meant for this world. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2747,"Title: I was raped by a bunch of guys 2 days ago and my heart keeps randomly beating really fast since it happened. Text: I can't go to a doctor because they'll tell my parents or police and I don't want that so I'm asking here. Is this normal? It only lasts for like a minute or two at a time but when it happens it feels like my heartbeat is really intense, like it doesn't hurt but I can't ignore it. It happens mostly at night and in the morning and sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night with it happening. Edit: thanks for your advice, especially those who actually answered my question and told me what this might be, but no matter what you people say I'm not gonna do anything that would get my parents or police to know about this. Gotta love it when a sub supposed to support rape victims tries to force me to do something I've said over and over I don't want to do. Yuck. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_ongoing Question 2748,"Title: Can child molestation, or childhood rape, can result in developing personality disorders? Text: I think rape is very traumatic for adults; and it must be incredibly devastating for children as they have fewer coping mechanisms, and their identities/personalities are fragile, in their early stages of development. My ex-husband was groomed and raped by his stepfather in childhood. I think this, along with having a neglectful mother, caused him to develop a cluster of mental disorders: bipolar, ADHD, depression, and even a personality disorder (NPD). I think it's terrible as his mother didn't believe him early on, and when she did, they didn't press charges, and offered little to no therapy for the boy. I was wondering if anyone here knows of child victims of sexual abuse developing personality disorders to cope with the trauma? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2749,"Title: Really want to overdose right now 😄👍 Text: 🙏🏼🙏🏼 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2750,"Title: Can't tell anyone Text: Sorry for my English, it's not my first language. I(25f) live in a Middle east country, most of the people in my country are muslims. September 9, I was just finished the sunset prayer in the mosque, a stranger fellowed me when I was walking to my home. He said he was my husband's friend, but I didn't know him. I asked him did he know my husband's name, he said wrong. About 3 mins we walked, he suddenly attacked me. He dragged me into a park, raped me there. I even didn't remember how I returned to my home. I didn't say anyting to my husband, I pretended everything was fine. I bought the morning-after pill and took it secretly when my husband was not home. I know it was not my fault, but for the religious and some other reasons, I don't want to tell anyone. I cry almost everyday when I was home alone and I really scare what my husband will do if he knew I was raped. I don't know what can I do. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2751,"Title: Cat scratches don’t count for me anymore Text: They definitely are sh and stuff but they just don’t feel significant or “real” so I don’t reset my clean streak. Yesterday I did the smallest lightest cut and the week before I did several lighter cuts, my I Am Sober timer is at 19 days which I don’t want to reset so soon and close to a month. So soon yet so far from a month. If no one notices or sees, or if the cuts are light, what difference does it make if I pretend I never did them? Edit: I should add; no matter how deep or visible your cuts are, they’re there, there real, and there valid. Please don’t take this as ‘cat scratches don’t count as sh’. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2752,"Title: Is it crazy that I’m so angry at everyone who didn’t help me? Text: I was fired from my job because I couldn’t come into work because he had dislocated my shoulder. I was kicked out of a motel 6 after he stole my car and all my money. The cops didn’t even make a report when my car was stolen because we were dating. Not even “misuse of a vehicle” or whatever. The cops didn’t file a report when he dislocated my shoulder and fled ON FOOT 3 minutes before. Didn’t even try to pick him up when I told them where he was after he did this. It is disgusting to me how little people care. I know it’s not their problem but what happened to empathy? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2753,"Title: how can I talk to my self harming friend Text: I noticed some self harm scars on my friend and she has been trying to get the attention on other friends about it but failed thus far. they aren't deep cuts, about the size of cat scratches all lined up in a row. any advice? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2754,"Title: i’m so sad but idk why Text: 14f i’ve been crying for the past 3 hours straight and i just don’t know why but i just feel so sad literally nothing happened but i feel like everything collapsing in on me i’m so lightheaded and i feel like i’m gonna throw up For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2755,"Title: What is wrong with me? Text: Sorry this is so so long but does anybody have any clue what happened to me? I’ve been struggling mentally for a good couple of years now but every so often I think about what set this off because I don’t believe I was always like this (not that I remember ANYTHING about my young self) Highschool was hard for me but manageable a small amount of bullying due to being the weird kid that was expected I don’t think it bothered me all that much and then one day there was like a bang not a physical one or anything but it was so sudden (but also not at all some days when I think back on this it happened in a flash other days I remember slowly ‘changing’ )and I felt like a whole different person everyone and everything around me became so so so unfamiliar I knew my classmates if they came up to me I’d know their names and how they viewed me and blah blah but all of a sudden I didn’t know THEM I’m not sure how to explain but it felt like imagine watching a movie of someone’s life you know quite a lot about them and their relationships with people and stuff but you don’t have any personal attachment to it right? Because it’s not you it’s just things you’ve viewed does that make sense. I knew these people talking to me if they bought up a decently recent memory I’d remember it but I didn’t feel it was me I didn’t feel like they were my friends because I didn’t live these said memories. Things got hard for me because it was hard to get close to anyone again I felt like I had to restart because everyone felt like strangers not only that but all my creativity n smarts disappeared I genuinely couldn’t remember how to draw bodies when I could easily know most anatomy off by heart to use in my art in the past.I could no longer look people in the eye so drama was off the table all a sudden and I was set back in all classes because everything was hard and my mind wasn’t intaking or remembering old information. Home wasn’t any better because i felt the same way with my mother I’m sure we had a good relationship before but due to my ‘PERSONAL?’ Memories and not the ones I ‘watched’ being just arguing because I wasn’t doing well at school all of a sudden and begged to stay home because I was uncomfortable and scared now we have a eh relationship because for me we started off on a rocky start. To this day family friends and what not are so confused with my massive change of personality and I’ve not been able to rekindle my relationship with them bc of how anxious I am 24/7 nowadays which sucks because sometimes I will remember(if not remember see pictures) of what we used to be like and how I never experienced that with them because I felt new. I don’t remember literally anything of like child childhood only stories others have told me or small flashbacks when looking at a pictures but once again even if I do remember them they don’t feel very personal to me.sorry if this makes no sense but I was wondering if this means anything will telling this to my therapist help I’m not sure 😭 I slightly mentioned it once but he didn’t seem to pay it any notice only focussing on how to change now yano. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2756,"Title: I'm going to psych ward Text: I'm a bit scared but after this suicide attempt is what I need, please wish me luck, I'll be back soon and stronger For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_past Question 2757,"Title: ""things that are actually self harm"" Text: These videos annoy me so much. They're like, ""staying up late or watching sad videos is self harm"". People in the comments say that they do all of them, and wow! they found out they self harm thanks to the video. It's so annoying. If you stay up because you don't want to sleep and you're playing a game on your phone, that's NOT self harm. If you stay up to harm yourself with the lack of sleep, it is self harm. It's not that hard, anything that you do with the purpose of harming yourself is sh. That's it. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2758,"Title: I fucking hate being poor Text: What is even the point of working? What am I living for? I’ve been working this dead end job for 17 years and have nothing to show for it. I have no skills or qualifications. I live with my mother and have absolutely no money and don’t own anything. I can’t drive or afford to. The weekend comes and I just sit at home alone. I want to go out and maybe have a drink but I can’t do that because I have nothing. I can’t get a girlfriend because I’m a broke loser who can’t do anything for them or afford to have a life with them. The only women I’ve been with I lied to and pretended I was better. I honestly feel being dead would be better than feeling this bitter, depressed and angry all the time. Poor people shouldn’t have children, I resent my parents for bringing me into such a shitty world. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2759,"Title: Flash backs and anger Text: Sept 15th is the 3 year anniversary of when he assaulted me ... badly. Yes I stayed .. please don’t throw judgment on me for not leaving. He went through counselling and has never done it again and we worked through our shit. But September is a hard month for me. I get a lot of flash backs and a lot of anger. I feel like I’m the bad one for not forgetting it. Like the problem lies with me. Why can’t I erase everything that happened. I find myself lashing out and getting very angry with him. What is a healthy way to deal with flash backs? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2760,"Title: I am Racist and I need help. Text: Hey guys before going all in on me I need help. Since I was very young I had no friends so I started to hang around people who were very racist, they were not good people etc. I am from Pakistan if that matters, ever since then I have been racist, sexist to everyone, white people, black people, other brown people etc. I know slurs that most people couldnt even comprehend. It's time I ask for help since I am 18M right now and being racist will lead me nowhere in life. I try to stop being racist but sometimes slurs against certain people are randomly spouted by me due to me having anger problems which probably came from being around racists too. Will anybody guide me on how I can get over this issue and start to love others again. I feel sick yet I don't know how to get rid of it, I feel like I am addicted to being racist, xenophobic and sexist if that makes sense. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2761,"Title: My ex us trying to force the kids to go to school by him Text: When I had to leave our home with our children because of his anger and behavior, I took them to my parents house. It's stable and comfortable and provides me and them with a support system while we try to work through all of this. That was a little less than 2 months ago. We are 2.5 hrs away from the hone we shared with my husband. He is trying to force the kids to go to school back there to get us back home on his time table because he feels ""all of this is taking longer than it should."" He means the therapy and counseling we're all receiving. But he just blew up at me on the phone less than a week ago. The progress isn't there yet with control over his temper and I don't want the kids to be exposed to it anymore. What can I do? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 2762,"Title: I don't think I miss being a kid, I miss the feeling. Text: Learning about new things, simple things being mindblowing, seeing foreign cultures for the first time, NOT A CARE IN THE WORLD, excited about ordinary events, looking forward to getting older, wanting responsibilities, looking up to others, happy for no good reason, excited for class. It's just like there's no magic left in the world, there's nothing special, nothing seems so incredibly foreign/new anymore like things used to be. Every day seems like the last. It feels as if anything I could possibly want to be is either impossible, or so far iff from the path im currently on. It's not that I don't want to be what I'm trying to become, but I feel so locked up barely into my senior year of highschool (just turned 17) So suddenly, my life feels locked up. One year I was dreaming of what I can be, now I'm supposed to know. I don't really feel like I've even grown up, I've just been rolling with the punches, adapting to my environment, but deep down it just feels wrong. The human condition itself is so weird. You're a kid you're whole life, then when you turn 18 you just hit a milestone where you're supposed to just grow up. Then you either go to college, go into the military, or just get a job. Then you have to find a partner (I dint even know what it's like yet), make a family, watch them grow up. Then you become a grandparent, watch your grandkids grow up. Then you die. I'm not saying I wouldn't want that life. It's not like I find any option better, it's just depressing that no matter what we do were all destined to the same end. All great athletes, will turn to dust, all great minds will slowly fade until they completely leave this world, all civilizations will come to an end. Everything one day will be nothing, far past your death perhaps, but once you're dead nothing really matters anyways. Religion promises an escape from the struggles of this world, but with how many there are out there, is it even real, and it it was you probably wouldn't pick it right. Buddhism is the only religion I find which really helps to enlighten the user while also preparing them for the same end every creature has had to face for eternity. If you can be at peace with being nothing, and realizing that nothing you have done will REALLY matter then I guess there is nothing to be troubled by. I want to live a happy life, but there is no real magic left in it, I feel as if I've desensitized my self so much to the world that either nothing is interesting, or if it was interesting I cant even really truly enjoy it because I just remind myself of the pointlessness and predestined every human life is. Now that I'm almost an adult It's It's first time I can say I'm not looking forward to the ""typical progression"" that most ""normal people"" go through with their life. It just seems cruel how utterly little of the world we all get to experience, and yet still we all basically live the same lives, just with nuances that differentiate us enough to be recognizable within our own small little communities. Nothing is special, nothing is extrodinary, so much success is up to circumstances. The world can't be fair. It's not like I feel like I've lost something that I really care about, but now nothing has any value. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2763,"Title: My partner of 7 years left me for someone else. I don't really know what to do with myself now. Text: I'll probably delete this at some point. I dunno. We lived together for 4 years, had a cat, life seemed... full, and good, and hopeful, and I had happiness and family for the first time in my life. I moved across the US 3 years into our relationship so I could be with her, so we wouldn't have to fly back and forth anymore. She's the best friend I ever had. The love of my life. Now, I don't know. I'm thousands of miles from where I grew up. All my friends are friends we made together, and although they've been very supportive of me, spending time with them feels like being haunted by her ghost. She even took our cat. I have nothing. I don't remember how to meet people. I'm unemployed right now and struggling to even find the motivation to work. I just sit here in the room I'm renting in someone's basement and I sob and I sob and I sob until I'm dehydrated, and then I down a bottle of water and then I sob some more. I had saved up money during the pandemic to pay off her debt, and now I'm coasting by on those savings. I was always lonely before her. Loneliness feels so much deeper when you've filled that hole, and then lost it. I mean, I spoke to her almost every day for 8 years. Now what do I do? Where do I even go? I'm trying not to drink. I'm trying to schedule appointments and make plans. I'm trying to keep my life moving, but it all feels so empty, so devoid of meaning. I wake up every morning feeling sick. I have a migraine that's lasted weeks. I can't stop fucking crying. How the hell do you fill your life with people again? How do you move on from losing your person? How do you accept that they're gone, and how do you even begin to fill the hole in your heart again? I miss waking up every day next to her, and sharing everything with her. It was the best time in my life. And I worry I'll never find that again, that it's too late for me, that I'm not good enough, and that I may never even want it with anyone else. All of my interests are things we shared, so I don't even have comfort media to fall back on. I'm tired of staring at the ceiling, of staring at books I don't have the energy to read, of crying *dozens* of times per day, of this sickening, hollow emptiness that pervades everything. I just want to meet new people. I want to be confident enough to walk up to strangers and join a conversation. I need new friends and new contexts, free of my ex's ghost. But I think that ghost is always going to be here, no matter what. I don't know. I hate living alone. I can't even sleep anymore. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2764,"Title: Finally Free! Well, Officially & Legally! Text: 14 months ago, my ex-husband tried to strangle me to death during a psychotic episode. This was the first and last time he physically hurt me. He refused mental health care, despite my begging and pleading, and it nearly cost me my life. I’m thankful that I’m a registered firearm owner, or I wouldn’t be here today. It’s been one hell of a journey, these last 14 months but I’m proud to say that I’m finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. My divorce was finalized this morning and I’m officially “me” again. My career is going well, I obtained full licensure in my field, and I’m feeling more happy and confident than I have in ages. I still have ZERO desire to date again, but I’m starting to love me again, even in the bad days. I just wanted to share to remind any of you out there that are thinking about leaving, starting over, and moving forward—it does get better. Life is hard but you can find happiness again! ❤️ For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2765,"Title: My brother messages me horrible messages every night insulting me and then a couple seconds later talking casually. what mental health issue would it be? Text: I know you can't give a diagnosis. He lies constantly about everything even stupid small stuff that's obvious. He insults me and then apologizes right after and tells me he is just jealous? He's very angry. Have to cut him out For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2766,"Title: If you need help, talk to me Text: If you need help, talk to me. People on this subreddit just want someone to talk to. So if you want, talk to me, I'll make sure to respond and give the best advice I can. If anyone else wants to volunteer to talk to someone, write it here so that everyone who needs help can talk. Everyone deserves a friend, no matter who they are or what they've done. With someone to help take care of their mental health, you can achieve the greatest things, so please take a chance and message me, or anyone else who volunteers. Good luck! ♧ For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2767,"Title: I left to be able to think and he's really in a lot of pain Text: About a year ago I made posts here in an emotional frenzy about leaving my husband. Took the pets, left a note, ran, went back. Well, this time there was talking and he cried and begged a lot but relented in letting me leave. In the time between my post and this one I gave up one pet at his insistence and changed my appearance for him. Now I'm back where I was almost a year ago with no pets and a permanently altered appearance, nothing major that very few people have noticed but I'm not happy with myself for that. The first time he put hands on me since I first came back was last week when I said I wanted a divorce, just a push this time, just a push. He was amicable when I said I needed space, even helped me pack, said he doesn't want me to leave but understands and wants me to come back, hopes that I come back, but if I don't then it's ok. I actually felt hope after feeling so numb. I said I needed to have space to think. Now I'm getting an onslaught of texts that I did say was ok because I said he didn't have to hold his feelings in or hold them back, he's hurt, he's upset, I lied and ran away, I didn't fight for us, I want to be his friend but I'm also getting annoyed that me having asked for space is being forgotten because instead of focusing on how he's feeling it's basically condemning me and that I need to come back. I am texting him back because I want to make things smooth and easy and if I can make him feel even a tiny bit better I'd like to! I do love him, but really I want for him to find a girl he's better with. We both made mistakes but I really can't seem to let go of him having been the man who hurt me. The man who hurt my former pet . The texts he's sending are making me not want fresh start with him because these things that scared me have shaped me into someone different, someone who isn't in love with him anymore. And I hate that he's hurt and I hate that he's in pain. I would run back to comfort him, but I know that I'll be resentful, manipulating myself and living a false life. He did do better, he did stop the physical part, the emotional I'm not so sure of actually as a recent post of made someone said he was doing that. I post all this to help get this off my chest and look for a perspective, guidance on what I should do or how I should feel. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 2768,"Title: I hate slowly watching someone lose interest and there's nothing you can do about it Text: I love when I finally make a friend I can relate too and we talk pretty often. It feels nice meeting someone and that feeling of loneliness goes away finally. You guys talk every/every other day and you feel like you finally made a friend? No you then notice they stop replying at a normal time and then you're lucky if you get a response ins 24 hours. You figure they're just busy so you let them be but you see them playing everything you used to play together with someone else or without you. You don't say anything because you don't want to be ""*clingy*"" and eventually they stop replying completely. you message them again and they completely ignore it and you're back to being lonely wondering if you're just boring, annoying or both :) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2769,"Title: getting tired Text: I don't know how much longer I can take it I wake up everyday exhausted lonely and depressed go to work which drains what little I have in my battery making me wish for death then come home not eat cause I can't fat enough already the sleep suffering night terrors and more loneliness I just can't anymore For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2770,"Title: cooking gets me out of bed Text: I love cooking. it's such a good distraction from shit, it's one of the only things I can ever get emerged into without distraction or boredom. I love teaching my brother and mum how to season, or better techniques, its so good to watch them learn such a valuable skill and improve. in turn, I also get very old people recipes to cook which is actually quite fun :p honestly, even when I absolutely fuck shit up it isnt frustrating. it's embarrassing, yeah but cooking is to always be improved, even by top chefs which is why the feeling of failure is so positive during the process. I know cooking is a basic skill but it really beats buying fast food and it's just so fucking fun seriously if you have any spare ingredients at home just start with something simple you might find it therapeutic \## if you ever feel bad about your cooking, here are my two biggest fuck ups (tbh the 2nd one tasted bomb) [https://imgur.com/a/htYiwbX](https://imgur.com/a/htYiwbX) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2771,"Title: I have to testify against my daughter’s father tomorrow. I am really nervous and not sure what to expect. Text: I can’t believe he is still pleading not guilty and taking this all the way to trial. He is doing it to get to me, he knows he’s guilty. Is there anything I should expect or tips that’s anyone has? Is his attorney going to cross examine me? Am I able to talk about all of the other times he choked me unconscious or just about the current situation at hand? My victim advocate is a really nice woman but I haven’t had anyone give me any real advice or let me know what to expect and I’m so nervous. Sorry for the all over ramble. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2772,"Title: My gf told me she started to sh again Text: My girlfriend told me that she used to sh before she met me and I helped her stop by being there for her, but she told me she did it again and that she feels bad for doing it because she says she is happy with my but still did it for some reason. What can I do to help her? I asked her what I could do to help and she said I was the only good thing in her life so I was already doing enough but I want to do more because I feel like I’m failing my job as her bf if she is willing to do this to herself. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2773,"Title: I get too attached Text: Hello so i had a four day vacation with my friend 1 boy 1girl and the girl is married but we really hit it off we always laughed and like pretended we were a bf and gf as a joke when the waiters came By…. It was a lot of fun we wud watch movies together and at the club she even kissed me and twerked on Me but I think She was just drunk as hell now we’re back at work she went back to her husband obviously… we don’t text or talk as much but it’s only been three days since and I am just broken mentally and emotionally I cried twice today because of it and I don’t wanna be with her she is not a good woman or anything… and I just can’t feel happy about anything… why do I get so attached and how can I fix this…I’m 22M please somebody anybody help idk what to do!!! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2774,"Title: 1 year later, Injunction for life approved! Text: It's been a while since I have posted here, so a little back story: Last September my husband was arrested for criminal solicitation and criminal conspiracy (anddddd temporary injunction violation) and I was granted a 1 year injunction by a judge who did not take me seriously. I wanted to share my good news, my injunction against my ex has successfully been extended for life! I had a different judge this time, who took his charges seriously. He still gave him the option for a contiuance, as he's still in pretrial phases, but he actually accepted it! Yay! 1 step closer to life being normal-ish For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2775,"Title: Does anyone else stay up super late to avoid the next day? Text: I don’t know if that makes sense. What I mean is that I stay up as late as possible wasting time because I know that if I go to sleep, I’ll wake up and have to go to school. I usually go to bed at around 3:30am and get up at 6am and it’s destroying me, I’ve been doing this for months and I’m physically weak and exhausted constantly because of it but my depression and anxiety demand it. And they always seem to get their way. Edit: I’m really glad that this spoke to so many people, it feels good knowing I’m not alone. Sending lots of love to you all. This isn’t easy but I believe in you ❤️ For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2776,"Title: Advice on how to handle inappropriate comments? Text: Hello, I am asking for a friend. We both work at this place. The manager (male, 60) makes inappropriate comments towards my friend (female, 22). He says things like ""hey beautiful"" and ""hey cutie"" and ""you're flexible"". Once he said ""ooo"" when she walked into the room. He has invited her to his summer house. What makes it worse is that he always makes these comments when they are alone at work (they are only alone for short periods of time usually). This indicates that he totally knows what he's doing. The comments are becoming more frequent. Does anyone have advice on how to get him to stop? It's a dilemma because if she is polite and asks him to stop, he can just deny it (""oh I didn't mean it that way"" bullshit). But if she outright calls him out he could get mad. He has the power to fire her. Even if he didn't fire her he has the power to make her daily life at this job unpleasant. Our office is very small and we don't even have a real HR department. The office manager that handles HR stuff has known him for years, and I don't think she would help. Any advice? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2777,"Title: I hate being hugged by my parents after my rape Text: Ever since I was raped I hate it when my parents touch me or hug me. I don’t mind when other people do but I fucking hate it when they do. I don’t know why but I just never want them to touch or come near me. They know about the rape and are trying to be supportive but I’m not letting them and I don’t know why For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2778,"Title: He's isolated me from family and friends so no one to really turn to Text: The system is out there to help him. Victim services said I look like a willing participant defending him in the past in the eyes of the law and his brain injury could get him off. I sought out help with police and I showed them pictures recordings I've jus put myself in more danger asking for help. Shelters are full. What do I do For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 2779,"Title: Inappropriate texts/calls/behaviour from colleague while working from home Text: Hi, I was wondering whether anyone has received inappropriate messages or calls or any behaviour that's made them uncomfortable from a colleague while working from home? I've heard instances of employees being muted on Zoom or late night calls and flirty texts. If you don't feel comfortable sharing on here, please feel free to message me! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2780,"Title: tommorrow is the day i end my life Text: i've finally reached it. finally. after all this fucking time. i've now realized just how worth it it is to go through with my plan. im going to skip driving to college. i dont know how i'll end my life. that's the hardest part, i suppose. oh well. i'll figure out something soon enough. most people are lucky to have suicide as optional but for me it's genuinely the only way out. there is genuinely no alternative to stop the suffering i am living through. good day. i'm just a grain of sand being blown off a beach. i am harming, nor helping, nobody. apart from myself. in both ways. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2781,"Title: Does anyone else stalk their rapist online? Text: For a while, I had him blocked. Now, I go through his page and his friends’ pages a couple times a day. I told one of his friends what happened (we were dating and then we broke up because he wasn’t sure who’s side to pick) so now that friend never hangs out with the rapist. It brings me joy to see his friends hang out without him, especially because they used to be inseparable. Idk. The justice system sucks and there was no justice, so seeing his social life go to shit and watching him lose everything important to him makes me happy, but Checking in daily is very draining. Idk why I do this For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2782,"Title: I decided to tell people ""I am not okay"" when close friends ask me ""how are you? Here is how it went... Text: Every single one of them left me on read. I am really not doing well isolated in quarantine and I get text conversations are the lowest form of communication. but it's all we got in these times. (I am in Michigan with the highest current covid cases in the US, and seeing people isn't really an option). I even texted my friend (who I was just Bestman for in October) that I am not doing well and really need to talk to someone and he has ghosted me. Many of these friends come to me when they are alone, depressed, or need advice. (Also he is the most glued to his phone type of person I have ever met). I am in therapy, and I get like regular people aren't qualified to discuss these topics sometimes and feel uncomfortable about the topic, but I guess I had hoped one of my friends would listen. I am feeling extra bad that I have to literally pay someone to listen to me, makes me wonder if I am insufferable. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2783,"Title: when the one thought stopping me is that they’re gonna go thru my phone if I die yikes embarrassing Text: Stay away from the camera roll and notes app please 😓 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2784,"Title: I feel helpless Text: This has been happening ever since 5th grade ( I'm an 7th grader). I feel like everyday is a dream that i want to wake up from. I don't trust anyone, not even myself. I will start walking to the bathroom to cut, without even knowing it. I don't have control over what I do anymore. My parents always try to help, but I'm just making life harder for them. My self-harm started with pencils and just breaking skin, but now i'm using paper clips and metal until my skin bleeds. I don't know what to do with myself, and I see no purpose to go on. I don't know why im writing this because I know nobody will see it but I feel better writing it all down. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 2785,"Title: Any advice? Text: I recently left my abusive ex. I am living with my parents right now, but I am on the lease at the apartment we shared together. The landlord is being a jerk about allowing me to get off the lease (claiming it’s an indefinite lease) and my ex is obviously not in any rush to get me off as I have still paid my half the last 2 months even tho I’m not living there. I know I signed a legal document, but has anyone had any luck in getting out of a lease in this kind of situation? I am working on getting an attorney to help. I just want to be done and move on with my life and it’s like he’s holding the last thing he can over my head. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2786,"Title: Planning on going to the police soon, any tips or advice? Text: It happened slightly over a year ago, I know I don’t have the physical evidence they could’ve collected if I went right away but I do have text messages saying he forced me and that he felt bad. I’m honestly terrified of going to the police but I know it needs to be done. Since it’s been over a year certain parts of the night are a bit fuzzy and I’m scared that’ll be used against me. Anyways, any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2787,"Title: He messaged me Text: The guy who raped me 10 years, messaged me on FB over a month ago. I blocked him the minute I saw it. Right now, after thinking about past traumas, I want to unblock him and call him a fucking asshole. I don’t know why or what it could possible help. He was almost impossible to get out of my life 10 years ago so why would I even want to risk that again? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2788,"Title: International Friend suffering from domestic abuse how can I help! Text: My friend is currently a victim of parental abuse. Her father us an alcoholic that constantly shouts and shames her, as well as displaying signs of abuse towards her cat, and her mother doesn't seem to be backing her up despite also facing abuse from the father. I am doing my best to be there for her, but she just wants to escape the house. She has mentioned (perhaps jokingly) about ending her life. She lives in another country from the rest of her family and I really don't know what I can do to help her. If I could I would help her leave the house financially, however I'm not in that position myself and she is having a difficult time finding jobs due to living right in the middle of nowhere with no public transport. Any help whatsoever would be appreciated! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2789,"Title: The worst feeling in the world is considering someone your best friend when you don’t even cross their mind as a friend Text: I have 1 best friend and I’m not even sure I’m top 5 for them For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2790,"Title: [update] I told her I have feelings for her. Text: I made this thread the other day: [https://www.reddit.com/r/lonely/comments/gpjs84/im\_not\_lonely\_anymore\_but\_im\_probably\_going\_to/](https://www.reddit.com/r/lonely/comments/gpjs84/im_not_lonely_anymore_but_im_probably_going_to/) And I came out with it a few hours ago. She said it was obvious she was just wondering if I would tell her. She said it's still complicated with her ex and she's not sure what she wants to do, but anything can happen and that we'll hang out and talk and see what happens. I'm really happy with that. ""This is it. If I take one more step, this is the furthest from forever alone I've ever been."" For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2791,"Title: I left a 4 year abusive relationship today Text: I’m a 20 year old female and I left the worst and best relationship in the world today. He made me feel something special and found a way to take it all back and make me feel differently about him. I’m in college and trying to navigate life and juggle everything and doing this is very hard for Me. I miss him so much but I know he’s not good for me. I did the best I could. I just wanted him to love me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2792,"Title: I just have to know if I’m the only one? Text: I was raped last year. Anyways that night as always, my entire lower *bikini area* was fully shaved, as i had always kept it just simply because it was a preference. More comfortable to me. So I was shaving every other day. Since the rape, I have been able to shave myself maybe a handful of times? I’m not sure what’s causing me to fear it. it’s almost like I expect it to act as some deterrent if someone ever went to try and rape me again. Like maybe they wouldn’t want to anymore. I think it could also be guilt? Maybe I feel guilty like it could’ve made me seem “ready” for sex and then that just feels like my fault. I also never feel clean after showers anymore and I guess that’s a conversation for another post Long story short , has anyone experienced not wanting to shave their bikini area anymore after being assaulted? I don’t know why I feel so dumb asking this lol For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2793,"Title: The worst point is always when I realise I'm not actually going to do it Text: I don't know if anyone else gets this feeling but when I really want to kill myself the absolute worst feeling is when I get to the point when I realise I won't actually follow through on it. All the relief of knowing it could be over soon is gone and I'm just overwhelmed with the fear of having to keep going. There's literally no worse feeling to me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2794,"Title: Scared of giving into my thoughts. Text: I want to die. But I’m scared to die. I want to kms. But I don’t know how to kms. I’m being less frugal with my money. I’ve distanced myself from my family. I stopped taking my medicine. I’m only 25 and feel like I’ve failed in every single aspect of life. I just want to go. I just wish the higher power would make a semi smash into my car and kill me instantly, no pain. I wish for it on a daily basis. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2795,"Title: my boss is making me feel uncomfortable Text: so i just turned 18 and started this job working retail a month ago, he’s been making me feel uncomfortable. he’s always saying that he thinks i’m cute, he’s always trying to touch me. like he puts his hand on my back, or on my waist. or he moves my hair from my face, or grabs my face. he’s pulled me into a awkward hug, and tried to get me to follow him to his car. he even asked me to get out of the car and stand in front of him. is this sexual harassment? i need some advice on what to do, what do i say to him ? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 2796,"Title: The same thing everybody’s got Text: I swear my fucking head is broken. I go from no problems to minor conflict to KILL YOURSELF in like 15 minutes. It’s such whiplash to fall into and then have to wade out of those feelings. It’s like, “I’m wrong for feeling this way! I’ll let everybody down if I kill myself. And THAT’S why I should kill myself. But, I’ll let everybody down! But, on the other hand, I let everybody down because I suck anyway, so…. Kill myself?” I’m on antidepressants/anti anxiety meds and they usually work fine. They just make me feel exhausted and sleepy ALLLLLL the time and that contributes towards my zany ol’ suicidal ideations. If I go off of them, I feel physically I’ll like I’m detoxing. I feel like my life is just dragging itself out. I’m married, have kids, love everybody special in my life but the world sucks and is getting worse and I have no money. Job hunting is its own monster. I wasted my formative years at college. Now I have a useless English degree and 60k in student loans because I’m awful at math and Spanish and I lost all my grants because I got a C in both of those classes. Looking back I just hate that I exist at all. That’s real shitty for a family man to say, but I can’t control these thoughts and feelings. Don’t ya’ll fret, I ain’t going anywhere. I just sometimes want to disappear. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2797,"Title: A small win in a dark time. Text: I (20f - at the time) was working at a call centre for a wireless company. I had a coworker 'John' (23m) who would ask me out regularly, and I would always come up with an excuse, because I was uncomfortable. Something along the lines of ""I have a boyfriend,"" or, ""I'm busy this weekend."" He would hover at my desk and stare at me while I take calls, he would make comments about my appearance, even wait outside the bathroom for me. I spoke to a supervisor about him hovering at my desk, because it made me really uncomfortable. I explained that I didn't want to be one of ""those girls"" and asked him to keep it between us, which he did. Every time the supervisor saw John at my desk, he would shoo John away, which worked for about 5 months. John would still catch me in the cafeteria, or outside the bathroom and continue the inappropriate behaviour. I had a very close friend die unexpectedly and I was out of sick days so I sent out a mass email asking someone to take my shift. John came to me and said he'd take the shift if I'd go on a date with him. I was hurting, sobbing, grieving my friend and I was desperate so I agreed so he'd take the shift. As soon as I returned, as expected, the harrassment got a lot worse. John would demand my attention, email me, call me, stay at my desk all the time, and I even found out he was switching shifts so he'd work with me. I spoke to the supervisor again, and he said it had gone too far, and we needed to go to HR. Well, HR said I was leading John on, and that I had agreed to the date, so I should follow through. They refused to help. After work, he approached me while I was waiting for the bus and got in my space, touching my waist. I elbowed him as hard as I could in the chest, and said if he ever put hands on me again I'd rip his f***ing balls off and feed them to him; I called him a weasel, and a f***ing disgusting perv. I'm usually quite mild mannered so this was very out of character. He never bothered me again, and quit a few weeks later. I HATE that I had to use physical violence to stop his harassment, but, even years later, always wonder if I did lead him on by not being direct, and maybe I crossed the line by jumping to violence. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 2798,"Title: Fuck Text: Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2799,"Title: I do not want to be alive anymore Text: I feel I am too cowardly or do not have the proper equipment to do the job. I live in an unlikely place and way too close to friends and family. I have one thing that was a gift so I can’t use that. But I want out. I have an idea. Buy a cheap thing and go on “vacation” for a few days. Just needs to be timed right. I hate my life. Always have. I’ve got nothing. I’d jump a bullet for literally anyone or any stranger any day anyway. What’s the difference? I’m tired of the thoughts and dreams and nightmares of me actually going somewhere. And I mean anywhere other than here. I’ll take anything. Heaven or hell. Idk. I’m so done. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2800,"Title: How do I move on from here Text: Today, I finally got the courage (more like just straight up broke down out of guilt ) to ask for help from my mum. i feel kind of numb, but relieved that now that door to get help is open for me. However i’m terrified that the way she views me and thinks about me will change completely. she won’t trust me anymore and i feel that she might start blaming herself for how i’ve turned out. I don’t want that to happen, and I am scared. I don’t want things to change. And most of all i’m scared that maybe i’m just exaggerating or being over dramatic. maybe i’m just causing all this trouble for my mum for nothing at all. I don’t know what to do. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2801,"Title: vented to a creep about my abuse bc I had no one else Text: don't really have a point to this, just venting bc I still feel icky. but maybe a year or so ago I posted here about my experience with rape, and had someone dm me offering ""support."" this isn't a call out for him, as his account is deactivated now. but he asked a *lot* of questions, and I could tell early on he was just talking to me to get off. towards the end he tried more explicitly making moves on me, asking what kind of guys I was into. but I answered most of his questions, bc I had never had an opportunity to tell someone about the subtleties of it all. the convo even gave me some new insight on it. but it felt so gross, and it feels gross to look back on. I've since been able to talk to some friends about it, though I think I've overshared a little in the beginning, when I was first coming to terms with it. I feel bad about that now, as I know you have to be sure somebody is willing to hear about it. not that I was telling everyone all the details, but I think I mentioned the fact of being raped to people who I wasn't close enough with to. but now I've come to terms with it and after having people confirm it, I'm much more at peace with it and never bring it up. so I'm doing better. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, sexualharassment_past" Question 2802,"Title: Why do some women ignore red flags and warnings from other women and defend abusive men? Text: I (22 F) got out of a relationship with a 42 M in 2020. We met at work when I was 20 and he was 40. He was a personal trainer and stretch therapist and I worked at the cafe at a gym l. Within 3 weeks of dating, he flew us both first class out to San Francisco from Colorado. for my 21st birthday gift. We met right before my bday. He took me to the palace of fine arts, wined and dined me, bought me flowers and gifts, rented a convertible and drove us to Santa Cruz for sunset photos, a boardwalk/beach date etc. A month later he rented us a luxury apartment, paid in full by him. We both moved out of our parents homes and moved in together. He paid for decor, paint, brand new furniture, artwork and used all his savings. I just worked 2 days a week at a coffee shop and went to art school at community college. We went on 3 more trips as well. Then he started abusing me, putting me down, slammed me into a wall (I’m 4’11 98 lbs, he’s 5’11 190 lbs) he cheated on me, gaslighted me, started demanding rent and by month 6 the honeymooon was over and it was a nightmare. We broke the lease month 6 and both moved back home. He lured me back in 4x over the next year, until I finally was the one to end it and get therapy. I later found out he had an arrest record for DV from 2008. 3 of his exes contacted me all younger than him by at least 8-10 years saying he was an abusive narcissist. He’s never been married, has no kids and is a self admitted porn and sex addict. He started dating someone new in April ‘22, a 34 year old (8 years younger). He has a public Instagram for his personal training business and is following 80 accounts, 64 of the accounts he follows are 18-19 year old women alternative bondage porn accounts. He still lives with his mom as well. His new girlfriend and her family follow his business account and can see his porn obsession and Pervy comments to these teens. Myself and his 3 exes sent her a message with dv photos, abusive messages and even comments to a local call girl under her Facebook business page from 9 months ago. She said “you’re all jealous and weren’t good enough for him”. She said the messages just made her respect him more for putting up with “little girls with no clue”. Then she contacted my boss on LinkedIn and tried to get me fired. We literally tried to help her and no one was/is jealous. Could he have changed for her or is she in denial? Who defends an abuser when evidence was provided? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2803,"Title: I went to therapy with my arms uncovered!💕 Text: I was thinking about going to therapy with my arms uncovered for some days, and I actually did it. I’m fucking proud of myself right now!!! I had one arm covered with a bandage, but it was only because I had new cuts, but I done it! The thing that I like about therapy is that he won’t judge me for nothing that I do or did. It’s a safe place, and it makes me feel better. He asked about the bandage, but didn’t ask to see the cuts, and that made me more comfortable. I was so anxious about it, but it done everything that I thought would do. We talked about them, and it’s a long road, but we’re going to find out how to deal and the reasons why I do it. Anyway, it was really good, and I recommend it. Don’t think too much, if you want to do it, just do it. That’s just a part of you and you will fell better for doing it!💕💕💕 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2804,"Title: I don't know what to do with my life anymore. Text: I love a girl more than anything in this world. Since we broke up she said to me that I'm nothing to her and she doesn't want me in her life. I just can't live without her. My life was never so good, I was never happy about it but I did not hate it. When she came into my life everyday started to feel right. I've never been so happy in my life. She mean everything to me. Now that we broke up I don't wanna live anymore. The pain of this breakup is killing me inside. I think of dying everyday. I try to get back with her everyday but she doesn't want me. I do not cry anymore but the pain is worse than that. It feels so bad. The tears won't come out and the pain is unbearable for me now. I just wanna give up on my life. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2805,"Title: I wish I hadn’t read Why Does He Do That Text: Lots of people on Reddit recommended I read Lundy Bancroft’s Why Does He Do That? So I finally did, and I did some other research about the cycle of abuse, manipulation tactics, etc. After a major verbal abuse incident, my husband agreed to go to a therapist. He is also pretty honest about what he has done, he’s not denying how bad he has been. I appreciate that, but people say that abusers will often say what they need to say but still have abusive attitudes that will eventually surface again. We got into a small argument about me buying some purple fairy lights for Halloween. He put me down for that because of money, although I know he knows it is perfectly fine if we spend $15 on a decoration. This is just an example of when I fear he reacts to little things in a certain way to control how I feel. He admits if he had wanted the lights things would have been different. But this morning when I told him I have a hard time trusting that he won’t relapse, he expressed that he feels defeated, since he is doing good things to improve. I absolutely appreciate it but I am extremely worried he’s not really going to change and he won’t address his reasons for being abusive enough. He denies that his controlling behaviors are against me, but because of his own anxiety. I am upset that I can’t trust him while he’s doing some work to be better. I’m upset that I can’t trust that he actually wants to use therapy to change his abusive attitudes. I’m upset that in my head I just have this constant picture of the cycle of abuse. I want to give him a chance but I’m having a hard time letting myself do that. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 2806,"Title: I started cutting to the point where I need stitches and I can’t stop Text: So the other day I was really upset so I cut a little deeper than normal which most likely would’ve needed stitches and now I can’t stop. I’ve been very suicidal and I have the plan to kill myself and cutting this deep might end up killing me. It’s really hard because I can’t tell anyone but I CANT STOP. It’s like the best relief I can ask for but I need to stop because I want to kill myself purposely and not on accident. Please if anyone has any advice I could use it. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_active_ongoing" Question 2807,"Title: Was I sexually harassed? Text: I just started my semester of college after doing school online for a year. In the first week, this girl in my class slides into my dms and starts complimenting me on how confident I seem and my public speaking abilities. She’s a bit flirty but I ignore it. A day or two later she messages me again and asks if I can give her a ride and I decide to say yes (despite me not ever really talking to her in person). I come to pick her up and she’s joking in the car and starts immediately talking about sex. “So are you a virgin?” “Did you ever fuck at school?” Shit like that. I just kinda laughed the questions off and was visibly uncomfortable. Walking away from the car, she asked and kind of hinted “if I would ever fuck a classmate” and I said “I really don’t know,” visibly uncomfortable again. She asked for a ride home that day and I agreed. The whole ride she was telling me how I should hookup with a classmate and it’s okay I can just touch them a bit and shit. Was this sexual harassment? In retrospect, it feels like it was. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 2808,"Title: i can't i just can't fucking do this Text: i just went through my mom's med cabinet and there arent even any meds that i could overdose on. i don't want to go any other way. i have blades and thought of slitting my wrists, then i thought of hanging myself. too fucking messy. i just want to swallow a handful of pills and never wake up. pretend i'm just going to sleep with a tummy ache and have this suffering end. i cannot go on i want to die so fucking much. i took a bunch of mild painkillers and literally had to laugh because the most that they're going to do is stop my headache. if i had any stronger pills i would take them right now For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2809,"Title: So happy this holiday season is over tonight Text: I’m sick of seeing all the attractive people in cute costumes, ESPECIALLY couples costumes, everyone out parting with their friends and having a good time… I’m stuck in my apartment watching One Piece and playing Pokémon because I have literally nothing better to do. This holiday season has been the worst so far just making me feel miserable of everyone around me. Loneliness is really starting to catch up and I don’t know if I’m gonna make it through the next one if it’s just like this For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2810,"Title: I lost my virginity to my rapist Text: i know virginity shouldn’t matter but i always felt sex was an act of trust and the first time it ever happened to me was some older guy i didn’t want just sticking it in for his own pleasure. i feel like something important was taken from me and I cant say so because all the women i know say virginity is a construct and i shouldn’t feel broken because someone raped me and took it. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2811,"Title: LGBT domestic violence is a real thing Text: I will add more to this later. I'm a 41yo gay man and I've been single since my now ex-husband left in 2014. We were together for almost 10 years. I'm doing ok for myself as far as my new life goes. But I still have so much damage inside from his abuse. The majority was emotional abuse, but it included financial, spiritual, and physical abuse too. I'm so tired of trying to heal and move on with my life. It's not been easy to find LGBT-focused DV help. Any suggestions are welcome, or if any of you have been in this situation before. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2812,"Title: Having online friends is rough Text: I’ve been pretty lonely my whole life and all I’ve ever wanted was a good hug from somebody who understood exactly what I’m going through. It seems the only people I’ve been able to get close with have been online, but the odds of me meeting any of them are very slim. My best friend of 4 years lived across the country from me and things turned very sour before we could meet, so I’m not letting my hopes up for any of my other online friends. It’s just so hard meeting people in real life who actually give a damn. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2813,"Title: Strange question after experiencing DV. Text: Okay, so I am wondering if anyone can relate. Before I went through my DV experience I was terrified of horror films and could never watch them. And, I would never have been able to watch dateline, true crime, etc. Now, I still can't watch extreme horror movies but things like Scream, the shining, pet cemetary dont even bother me. And, I love watching dateline...it almost brings me comfort knowing that other people have also experienced trauma, have experienced police not caring, etc. I watch it every night before bed. I went through an obsession with that channel where it shows movies where men stalk and target the woman, but it's more of a made for tv movie. But, moved out if that phase. Please dont tell me.i need therapy. :) But, wondering if anyone else had had a similar experience. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2814,"Title: My girlfriend was raped Text: I havn’t used this app before, I’m not sure if I want advice or to vent. I’m 19 and my gf is also 19 but I recently found out that my missus was rapes when she was 13. She has told me who it was and I found this blokes address. Do I go to his house and put him in a box or go to the police or something else? My gf doesn’t want to make a statement and would much rather forget about it but I don’t know how to help or what to do. It was so long ago but I can always tell when she thinks about it and I feel disgusted by this putrid cunt. After reading a few other stories in this category I don’t want her to be another individual who is haunted by her experience for the next 30 years. I want her to be satisfied by the fact that he got what was coming to him. Advice? Questions? Comments? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2815,"Title: I'm stuck Text: i honestly dont know what to do. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2816,"Title: {Story ] I had been subjected to severe domestic violence. I am an Indian female. Today I have come out of that hell and have achieved massive success. Text: I came from a family and milieu of very low self-awareness and self intelligence. I suffer from ADHD. I was decried every moment in my life at whatever I had done. Because of all this, I could not even think critically. I had a severe lack of self-confidence. Failure after failure told me that I would amount to nothing. My husband used all this against me. I was subject to severe domestic violence. I was thrown out of my marital house after 9 years of abuse. I just had my 7-year-old child in my hand, 2 days of spare clothes and my dictionary with me. (This happened a few years before android phones were out in the market) I was a post-graduate. But I did not have single support, financially. Further, I was thoroughly naive and had believed that I am at fault and I had no capacity whatsoever. The biggest problem was my mind itself. Apart from ADHD, I had an utter lack of critical analysis and hence, dumb me would believe anything others would say. So , I was misguided from applying for good courses or the correct jobs by ""well-meaning"" friends and relatives. After my marital disaster, I had to suffer the ignominy of being kicked out by my spouse. People talked badly about me. But did they help? Boy, no! People can be very cruel. I went through hell itself. Only my widowed mother helped me by looking after my child. Apart from this, I had almost none else, spare my aunt who had assured me that she will offer resources if a calamity did arise. And to my good luck, nothing very demanding happened. I worked in academics going between 3 to 4 jobs on a single day. I worked on weekends too. People meanwhile, opinionated and commented. Only my bosses and a few of my colleagues gave me kindness. Now my child is doing academically and professionally very well. This Success, now, has given me the confidence to analyze myself. From utter stupidy, I have now started thinking and reacting intelligently. My thesis is printed as a book by the government. I give musical concerts. I had allowed people to hurt me, then. The ones who did (almost all, I have not been lucky to meet good humans except my students) now talk to me with respect, without shame. My so-called close friends who had once played with and laughed at my naivete, now praise everything about me. My relatives want to visit me once again. People applaud me. I do not know whether there is another person like me in this world who was so naive and stupid, who had placed people on high pedestals as small children would. And yet come out of all these. The reason for my success is I think that I loved academics and music. Despite repeated failures, I never stopped studying or pursuing my practice in music. My child's love has brought me till here. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2817,"Title: PM me about #METOO movement Text: I just made this account now because I NEED to talk to someone about the sexual harassment awareness movement. I tried looking for debate forums or news forums or discussion forums of current events and nothing i found was updated enough. Please send me to a subreddit where I can talk to people about this movement. I just want to talk to someone that will hear me out and I'd like to hear them out about their thoughts on everything that's been going on. Thank you For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2818,"Title: How do I know if I’m not depressed anymore? Text: So I’ve been on antidepressants for a year now (escitalopram and venlafaxine now). I’m on my last months with a low dose of venlafaxine because I was feeling better. But there are things that I still don’t want to do like going out, talking to friends, meeting people. I don’t leave my house (I’m planning to move because I’m tired of this city) so I don’t know if I don’t go out because I don’t want to be here or because of my depression. I’m not working right now because I’m planning to move, so sometimes when I try to do something like painting or something productive I just can’t do it, it’s like my body doesn’t respond. It might look like laziness but I actually feel it’s different. I don’t want to keep taking medication anymore, I was feeling better when I was traveling but since I returned home 3 weeks ago I don’t want to do anything. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2819,"Title: Mental Health Question Text: Hi! Can someone help me figure out why I only cherish my friend who I've known for like 8 years and no one else. I am suddenly pushing away this other person that I say is my friend but I don't think I see him that way but rather as someone dislike: I push him away a lot, I don't trust him, ect. He isn't a bad person or anything but I just don't know. Please help, I have two thoughts is that it could have something to do with Depression or Autism or both. I probably do have Autism for many other reasons but just asking. Thanks. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2820,"Title: I feel frustrated with life Text: Obvious throwaway but hey, My life is one big mess. I’m in my early twenties and have had a rough youth. Always being bullied made me a shut in in my early teens, resulting in me not really having the social skills to make friends later in high school. Eventually I adjusted myself. I’m still not that good at making friends. In recent years I have had more girlfriends than actual friends. Although I felt like my relationships were hollow at best. A year or so ago I met a girl and we really clicked and got into a relationship. But last month she just decided to block and ghost me. It felt completely unexpected to me. Before she blocked me I told her that I was getting a little sick. Now I spend my time just sleeping and staring and waiting for nothing to happen. No matter what I try I cannot get out of this endless spiral of mundane jobs and overal sadness. Anyone got tips to actually get out of the boring loop? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2821,"Title: Just moved next door to domestic violence Text: So just moved into a complex/townhouse where my walls are joined with next door and I’m overhearing a lot of abuse. It’s on a daily basis and I’m thinking drugs are involved. I can hear walking around all night and thumping. The 4th day I was here there was a commotion and the woman ran outside and mentioned something about him killing her and to call the cops to which someone did. The cops arrive 30mins later and no one answers their door except me. The woman doesn’t go to the door either, then they leave. He seems like a really intimidating individual and loose cannon, no regard for the law. Living alone I really don’t want to be targeted. What do i do? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2822,"Title: Getting over my body betraying me during violent rape Text: This all occurred over five years ago. I was just out of college and living with a roommate in sort of rough neighborhood in a gentrified area of the city. Was out for a run really late at night because I could not sleep, I should have been more heads up about my surrounding because two guys had already broken in. They both had masks on over their mouths. One had a gun and they grabbed me had me go through house to take laptops, phones, credit cards. They took me into my roomie's bedroom. The one with the gun turned on a tv to the block sound. The larger man holding me began to really roughly feel on me, I was crying a bit and begging them to stop but mostly in shock and stoic. The large man forced me on the bed pulled my pants off and began to finger me and play with my clitoris. As much as I did not want to I began to get wet and had a visible orgasm. Both men starting laughing and mocking me. The large man then raped me while the one with the gun watched. I again had numerous orgasms. Both men continued mocking and laughing about this. It made the humiliation even worse. They left soon after. I never reported the rape but was tested for HIV and took Plan B even though he did not finish in me. I reported it as a home invasion. I was too scared to have to relive the case. I have had therapy and have moved on somewhat. I have a struggled with depression at times and sexually I am still healing. I do still enjoy rough sex and feel cycles of humiliation and depression afterward. Your body is different than your mind For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2823,"Title: Older sibling in need of advice to give to younger sibling with child Text: I’ve had a whirlwind of a past 12 hours. My younger sibling called me crying saying that the mother of his child struck him (closed fist) in the head. In front of their infant (my nephew). She is aggressive normally, but never physical until recently. He removed himself and their child from the situation to ensure they were both safe by going for a walk. She followed and tried making a scene and when he wouldn’t be a part of what she was doing she walked back to their apartment. She then started texting threatening to kill herself trying to get a response. I recommended he contact the police, but he wasn’t ready. He said the punch didn’t leave a mark. I was able to convince him to at least get out of the house for a couple days with our nephew and stay with us until the abuser calms down. We’re in [removed] and I know as long as he’s clear with the mother of their child about that he’s staying with us for a couple days then there’s nothing illegal about that, but she’s saying she will tell the police he abducted their child. I don’t want my sibling and nephew in that environment while she’s acting this way, but I don’t know how to properly advise him. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2824,"Title: How do you avoid selfharm? I feel like my therapist just does understand Text: I feel as if alot of adults/therapist don't actually understand what they're talking about when the topic of selfharm is at hand. Because of this, all the tips and ways they suggest to avoid it come off as shallow and not really understanding the difficulty of avoiding the urge. So I'm asking y'all, other people who have experienced the urges. How do you try to avoid cutting before it happens? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2825,"Title: Stop romanticizing him Text: Honestly a big part of the recovery is realizing the truth of how my relationship was going vs what it actually was. Let’s set aside the “I should have been with someone who doesn’t hit me” aside… it occurred to me that if I had the ability to hear his thoughts about me, it’d probably make me want to throw up. Because honestly what was I thinking? He was talking to me about how women are trash and bitches, talking casually about rape, for sure believing he has the right to beat women to teach them a lesson… and he thought I was a beautiful perfect angel? That I deserved to be treated well? NO. I thankfully won’t ever hear the thoughts from his dark twisted nasty brain, but I should remember that he was trash and I didn’t lose out on him, and the relationship we had is not anything that I should desire. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2826,"Title: As a man, what can I do if I notice subtle signs of DV? Text: I work in a self-service automotive junkyard in a big city. It's always busy with people from all walks of life every day. There's a popular taco cart in the parking lot that gets pretty busy at lunchtime. A few days ago, I'm standing in line at the cart and there's a couple in front of me. ""What do you want on your burrito?"" the guy asks his girl. ""Uhh, nothing to runny or like.. dripping."" she says. He gives her this *look* and she looks at the ground. ""She'll have everything on hers"" he tells the vendor. She walks away and gets in the car. Gave me a bad vibe by the way he said it. I watched my sister live with a guy like this for years before he ultimately attempted to kill her. He's in prison now. I get my food and I'm sitting on the curb, watching their car. She's looking out the window and I can tell by his head movement that he's most likely scolding her. They eventually drove away and I felt powerless. I couldn't think of any possible approach I could have used and it's been bugging me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2827,"Title: Self-harming because the scars are fading Text: it doesn't even make sense if i think about it, but i get this bad feeling. i kinda self-harm for attention (which is awful of me, i know, sorry), but i don't enjoy the thought of close ones seeing the scars. they're comforting though, maybe it makes things feel more real. i don't know what to do with myself anymore, i just wanna make new marks. i wanna make a scar that stays for longer. i feel like the worst person ever for this, but i need to say it somewhere. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2828,"Title: My friend told me that she's been molested by a mutual acquaintance of ours. How can I help her? Text: So, there is this guy I know. He actually works in the lab that I used to work in at my college. A close female friend of mine knew him via a college club. She called me today that she was molested by him a couple of months back when she used to hang out with him. She also found other women who have went through the same thing with that guy. She seems very stressed. I would like to support her in the best way I can but this is the first time I am involved in a situation like this. She's a very close friend of mine and I don't want to say or do anything that would appear as being insensitive. I am not friends with the guy but he's like the one of the incharge of the lab and if you have to do anything in the lab you have to talk to him. I now feel disgusted by that person. I will try to talk to other incharge of the lab in case I need anything. If you have any advice on how to deal with this then let me know. Also if you know of any other subreddits which provide help and support for women who have gone through sexual harassment. Thanks for hearing me out. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2829,"Title: I really need someone to tell me I’m good enough right about now. Text: I struggle with math, always have. It’s my junior year of hs, so I’m trying really hard. Last test I stayed late, got tutoring and extra help and ended up with a 58.5%. I fucking failed. Just got my most recent test back. I tried even harder, looked over with students and teachers to make sure I knew how to do it. I was so proud and confident. I got the test back in the beginning of our class today, and you know what I got? A 59%. I just left for the restroom and relapsed really bad to keep myself together. What am I doing wrong? All of the kids in my class are getting 90% without paying attention or asking questions like I am. I don’t get it, why is it so hard for me? Am I really not trying hard enough? Also I’m fine now, it took 5 minutes to stop the bleeding but I got it together For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2830,"Title: Kissed on neck and mask strings cut off Text: Not sure how to go about this... I was sitting on a chair with my eyes closed and at some point in time I did doze off and as I was resting a male coworker kissed me on my neck. It wasn't just a regular kiss he used his tongue because I felt the wetness and I immediately opened my eyes. I was in complete shock because I never gave him the impression that those actions would be welcomed. he also with a scissor cut the strings off of my mask at some point when I was sleeping. I didn't report it right away because I was afraid. It's covid a lot of people are without a job, I didn't want to somehow get fired because I did doze off for 10 minutes or so, and I just didn't want everyone to know what happened because I knew the things that would follow. I confided in one person about two months after it happened and everything was fine I was avoiding the offender. Just two weeks ago it came to be that someone told and unbeknownst to me people knew. Someone decided to report it to human resources and I was called up to the office and had no choice but to tell them. I'm a contracted employee and now my agency wants to legally handle this but all I wanted was to peacefully be able to get paid in full for the remainder of my contract and walk away. I don't want to be banned from the hospital system just because my agency wants to proceed legally and without my permission to do so because I don't want to take any legal action. I just want to peacefully be able to go on with my life and not be banned from an entire network and suffer those consequences that would hinder my ability to work for that hospital system in the future. I'm not sure what I can do at this point. I'm being bullied by another employee because of what happened who was spreading lies and has been telling people all kinds of things. This person even went as far as to send a text message to another male employee slandering me. I am in a lot of emotional stress with so many things in my life and this has just added on to all of the negative emotions I'm feeling and I find it difficult to walk in there everyday and have to face everything. I just want out and my agency seems to be ignoring my request to just simply ask them to buy me out of my contract. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 2831,"Title: Workplace issues Text: So sexual harassment is a huge issue around my work. These sleazy cooks touch up on all the girls, and they're all married men on top of it. This girl I really like has it horrible. I've talked to her about it and she's afraid to say anything for fear the cooks will retaliate. Even the kitchen manager is a pervert towards all the women. Unless they're unattractive. Like I almost want to say something to upper management for her because it's terrible a woman has to feel like that. Should I say something or just let her decide to say something after they've gone too far. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2832,"Title: Losing common friends Text: Hi! Has anybody else experienced losing common friends being the victim of DV? It‘s kinda weird to me, everytime I open up about how I feel people start going against me and want nothing to do with me anymore. On the other hand, they still hang out with my abuser and are friends like nothing happened. Is this normal?? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2833,"Title: Was it $exual assault? Text: My ex-boyfriend always touched my ass in public. I was very uncomfortable. But unable to say. At his place we were watching a movie. He started touching me. He didn't asked me if I wanted it or not. I freezed. I couldn't say no. After that whenever I was going to his place I wore thick pants so he would be unable to touch me. It didn't helped. He started touching me again. Without asking again. When he was about to reach in my pants he asked me if I wanted it or not. I freezed again. I said I don't care. He did it. I couldn't say no. I was afraid what would he think if I say no. Once I said yes but I immediately regret it and was unable to say no. It was only one time when I said yes. I still don't know if it was really sa or not. Because he was nice, and I never said no. But everytime I met him I prayed to God he wouldn't touch me. Whenever I met him he always ended up touching me somewhere. I was just scared to say no. It was months ago. But I still think about it everyday and I feel uncomfortable around him. (he's my classmate) Was it sa or it's just in my head? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 2834,"Title: My best friends raped me and I still want to be friends with them. Text: I'm currently 17 years old, I have a friend group with three guys that I've known since I was seven. A few nights ago we were all hanging out. I'll admit I did get sexual with one of them, I was sitting on his lap and making out with him. The other guy's started to kiss me, lift up my shirt and they all were just laughing. And I'm saying No like ""No, guys stop."" and they're just laughing saying ""it's fine"". I couldn't move and they started having sex with me. I tried to push them off of me but they're all physically stronger than me. After, they just left me there crying I haven't told anyone about what happened because no one would believe me especially not my parents. The next day I confronted them about it, they were gaslighting me, they were saying ""You wanted to do it"" ""It's fine, you're just embarrassed you had sex with all of us"". One of them asked did I like it and I said yes because I wanted things to go back to normal. Is it fucked up that I still want to be friends with these guys? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","childabuse_endangerment_ongoing, rape_ongoing" Question 2835,"Title: Saturday Suggested Watching - 9to5: The Story of a Movement Text: As this sub is growing, I thought it would be a good idea to integrate relevant documentaries, books and stories of people that have fought or overcome sexual harassment as well as the usual posts. I am also in the midst of creating a wiki page with resources and helplines that anyone will be able to access, as it’s just me (for now) it will take a little while. Until then, I will offer resources for anyone that asks for them. Today’s documentary is 9to5: The Story of a Movement. Started in 1972 as a newsletter and later developed into a nationwide movement, 9to5 was a grassroots organisation of women office workers that often dealt with sexual harassment. Their goal was to gain better working conditions, better pay and progression in the corporate workplace. [Further Reading](https://guides.library.harvard.edu/schlesinger_9to5/schlesinger_9to5_introduction) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2836,"Title: I need help Text: So I cut really deep on my thigh and I think it needs stitches but I don't know for sure so i'm freaking out but I don't want to tell my mom about this because I just got out of a residential treatment facility and she thinks i'm better For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2837,"Title: I'm attempting soon Text: I can't take anymore of this. I'm so tired and done with being worthless and hopeless. Its not ever going to get better for me because I simply don't want it to. Life is pointless. I'm going to try to kill myself soon. I doubt want to be here anymore. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2838,"Title: Dm if you need to talk/vent Text: Dm if you need a some one to talk 💪🏿 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2839,"Title: is it weird that i fantasize about dying (but not death) to feel cared about Text: question: I starve myself regularly and s fantasize about the ""reward"" being remorse of other people and being deemed as fragile or needed to be taken care of . i'm underweight. i know it's quite ridiculous, but I like to be worried about, as I experience debilitating loneliness. this emotion has been persistent for years. ​ some background info (a little long) my parents work too much and are often uninvolved in my social/academic desires without vigorous effort. they are often doubtful of my endeavors, uncaring and typically neutral, sometimes even demeaning, and rarely supportive. i don't have any friends and i only have ever had online boyfriends. i stay by myself in my room all day. i graduated high school. so i can't make friends. i'm 16 People often describe me as ""likeable, highly intelligent, energetic and fun"" to be around. Every time I open my mouth I'm shrouded in doubt and self-disgust. I feel extremely stupid, occasionally to the severity where I am ""mentally incapacitated"". I often wish I was a genius, smarter, but I take myself as a fool. I go to great lengths to augment my intelligence in some way, and often overwork myself. i am delusional regarding my self image. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 2840,"Title: How do you get past the emotional associations? Text: What happened to me went on for a while, and the person who did it was good at making me feel like it was my fault, using my own responses to ""prove"" I really wanted it to happen. Now, whenever I feel something like that, I feel humiliated and ashamed, and I can't have good feelings without thinking about things that happened back then. How can I uncouple feeling that way now with what happened? I'm sorry if this seems vague or doesn't make sense, I'm not sure how to explain this. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 2841,"Title: How do you stop having suicidal thoughts? Text: They’ve been becoming more and more the default thought pattern that comes to me whenever I feel crappy, which has been the case a lot recently, and I would rather have more comforting or at least a more productive thought pattern than this. I know these thoughts come from my feelings of hopelessness. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2842,"Title: My parents are alive, but it doesn’t feel like it. Text: Im 33 now, married and have a little boy. And im laying here with my little man listening to his sleepy time music with him. On the verge of just loosing it, and just shutting down. My parents are both alive but neither are in my life. They have been divorced for easily 15 years now. I had a very shitty child hood. I wouldn’t wish my childhood on anyone. My father, has been with his 2nd wife for some years now. I really dont know how long. I live 2.5 hours away from him now and he still never comes to see me. Almost never calls. Ill go months without hearing from him. The only time he calls me is when something is broke. He has only seen his grandson maybe 5 time since hes been born. My son is 5. He wasnt even there for the birth. My son was a couple months old before my dad even drove to see him. My mom, unfortunately is not mentally stable. Shes always had issues, but out of the 3 of us kids (im the oldest) im the only one who tried to be there. Unfortunately I had to completely stop communication with her due to it being a safety issue for my son. Because it got so bad, and she refuses to get help. I hated my childhood, I feel like I was robbed of life. I live right by my in-laws (no shit like 500 feet away) and they spend more time with me than my own family does. Even when we lived in other states they were there more than my own. To make matters worse, my fathers sister, has not only once, but twice now. Has intentionally planned her sons weddings on my sons birthday. She did it first on his due date (we lived close by back then) and did it again this passed birthday (we live 2.5 hrs away now). She also spends a lot of time trying to make me look like some sort of looser, constantly spreading lies. My sons birthday was recent so this one is still fresh. Its just killing me inside. I love my son so much, and cannot understand why someone would not want to be in their child’s life. I just want this feeling to stop. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2843,"Title: Controversial opinion below Text: Idk been struggling in a lot of ways recently and the gist of it is I wish I was the kind of depressed that made you skinny lmao. It's just one of those things that feels like it'd fix everything, even though I know it won't For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2844,"Title: Does anyone here do self-harm just to stop overthinking? Text: Well, I did it again so that I could only think about the pain, and get my attention away from overthinking negative possibilities about my professors, classmates, and some burdening college responsibilities. I can't also stop thinking irrationally that some of my classmates hate me or that I'm being a burdensome to them. But hopefully, I would be able to focus studying for my final exam tomorrow while feeling the pain. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2845,"Title: You ever feel so lonely and numb that all you have the energy to do is just sit alone in an empty room and do nothing until you fall asleep? Text: I get in these periods where nothing brings me joy or satisfaction. I end up going to bed immediately after I eat dinner because what’s the point in staying up anymore. At least I can wake up early. I like quiet early mornings. Or I’ll go periods of time where I won’t say a word to other people or myself for that manner. And when I do finally talk, my voice usually surprises me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2846,"Title: I think my neighbor might have an abusive BF and I’m not sure how to help her Text: A couple moved in down the hall from me 1-2 months ago. Since then I’ve heard explosive arguments coming from their apartment multiple times because the BF comes out into the hallway during his episodes. It’s always the same pattern: - BF having screaming matches with himself and every now and then I can hear the GF try to calm him down in a low voice - He’ll slam the door multiple times and I can hear him hitting or throwing things around Because I only hear him screaming and slamming doors, I have never called the police. I don’t THINK she is in physical danger but the screaming I hear from him is really bad. I’m scared that sending police will make the situation worse. I’ve seen the boyfriend around multiple times but I have never seen the woman so I don’t know what she looks like or her name. My building doesn’t have doormen or a live in super. Any suggestions on what I can do here? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2847,"Title: Would you as a mum/dad/sister/brother want to know it was coming? Text: I want to ask them what keeps them living, do they have some sort of goal in life, something that keeps them going? I wonder if somethings wrong with me to be someone who doesn't see a life worth living. I love my family and they have been trying to help me but my pain doesn't stop and i know they will do just fine without me because they all are hard workers and support each other. So as a parent or a sibling who has a good relationship, would you want to know if your child or sibling plans to commit suicide some time, no exact date but rather letting them know it's going to happen someday? I know I'm priviledged to have a loving family, I'm doing okay financially and i have a job already lined up next year, everything looks good for me but it just isn't that's why i think something is wrong with me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2848,"Title: Should i report? Text: Recently, my gym PT molested me, but it wasn’t really because i did kinda give consent? i’m feeling very conflicted — i’m female, 18, and just started working out with this PT dude, whose probably 25. I had 10 sessions with him and things went well, occasionally i felt as if he was overstepping his boundaries but i let it slide thinking he was just friendly. i understand that when working out at the gym, it’s needed for some sensitive physical contact with my PT in order to excercise correctly and not hurt myself, That’s why i look over some of the red flags. But then things went from 10 to 100 real quick. one day he suggested i use the gym’s sauna for better muscle recovery, so i went in without much thought. But then i saw that it was only me and him in that room. he started getting all close to me and ask if he can touch me, i thought he was doing muscle recovery massage so i gave an awkward sure. it started just as that, but then he just went to suck on my nipple. then start touch me down under, and i just sat there. while he continued having his way with me, i didn’t say no, but at the same time i didn’t say yes as well. He wanted to have sex with me, and so i refused. luckily he listened to me, but he was still very pushy. in that moment, i wasn’t direct nor confrontative like i want to be, rather i was this weak and shy person. The next few sessions i have with him were very awkward, we did have a talk and i just wanted to let the event go and forget about it. bassically, just move past it and let me just workout. at the same time, i was also trying to maintain a good relationship with him since he is still my trainer. that incident was a week or 2 ago, then today, something similar happened again. this time i did say no, that i don’t like it nor want it. But he was really pushy and just did some things without my consent. but not much happened. Now i’m questioning if i should report him or not, since in some sense he was under a pretense that we have a good relationship and im okay with things because i didn’t alright reject him and didn’t want to hurt his feelings. i feel so frustrated with myself for not being those badass woman who can stand up for herself. i really need some words of advice and encouragement right now since i never have something like this happen to me before For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 2849,"Title: I feel absolutely nothing about being raped. Text: I was molested for a couple years by my stepmom, I am a female btw, she left and as i grow older I do not feel anything. I can talk about it without any emotional reaction. I never lost sleep. I don’t struggle in relationships. I was always taught that my quality of life should not be stunted by others and I take that to heart every day. But is it healthy that I never felt anger, resentment, sadness, or anything negative about being raped? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 2850,"Title: Some questions from a therapist. Text: I’m a therapist at an outpatient facility trying to increase access to services in our community. I would like to know: 1. what barriers to mental health care you have encountered 2. what challenges you have faced in getting mental healthcare and/or while getting mental healthcare 3. what scares you most about reaching out for help 4. The most confusing aspect of accessing mental healthcare 5. Questions you currently have or have had in the past that went unanswered about how to access mental healthcare/mental healthcare services in general For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2851,"Title: I’m just so tired. Text: It’s taking everything in me not to end it all today. The only thing stopping me is that the hunting opener is in less than a week. One of my dads only hobbies is hunting and I don’t want to ruin that for him. But I just can’t keep going. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2852,"Title: [rant] idk pls treat me nicely Text: I've just moved across the country with my family and it's a lot of stress for all of us and up until maybe ten minutes ago I didn't know how much it affected me until about ten minutes ago My mother came in to ask me how I've feel feeling lately because she's noticed I seem a bit moody, just checking up, I respond ""yeah"" in a anxious way because in my head she's seen the fresh cuts on my ankle when I forgot to cover them a moment before she came to check up on me. She hears this yes and tell me essentially that because I'm 'okay' I should be literally just using a nicer tone with people and that essentially I'm just being rude including this interaction where I've barely spoken. This prompted me to think about how I am, mostly because I accidentally cut way too deep after that interaction, thinking more about it, with my newfound excessive vaping and my extremely excessive weed smoking and being under stress at work and home maybe I'm doing trash and only just noticed For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2853,"Title: I probably am going to snap and overdose here soon. Text: I’ve been considering going to the hospital for weeks because I feel so low and overwhelmed and everything sucks. But I can’t because I don’t have anyone to watch my dog 😍 so I’m just sitting here- getting worse and worse For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2854,"Title: I just had the thought that even though I've been single my whole life, I've still technically only been ""on the market"" for 4 years. Text: I'm 22 now, and realistically I wasn't ready to start dating until I was 18. So I guess it hasn't really been as long as it feels like. Idk, maybe I'm just being impatient and overreacting to not seeing results when I've only been at it for a few years For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2855,"Title: Feel like a failure Text: One moment I'm good the other I hate myself, spending hours ruminating with depression and anxiety. A task I should do ends up postponed. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2856,"Title: I hate that you need money to get help Text: I hate fucking hate it. Therapy? You better be Jeff Bezos to afford that shit. Anti-Depressants? Not for your broke ass. Like, what should I do? Gamble and drink everything away? No, that costs money too. FUCK THIS. I seriously don't know if I'm gonna make it. And nobody believes me. And I got no way to get help For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2857,"Title: What to do? Text: I left my abusive boyfriend for the final time almost 3 years ago. I blocked his number, moved, deleted all social media and any presence on the internet. This has given me peace of mind that he won’t be able to find me or contact me. I am in a good place finally and in a healthy relationship. I was just given a scholarship and in order to accept they want me to write a post and include a picture to be put on the national website. I’m struggling with taking the step to put myself back on the Internet. Am I being paranoid? I feel like I deserve the recognition and shouldn’t have to live in fear, but at the same time, I’m afraid. I know if I want to accomplish my goals of owning my own business in the future, I’m going to have to go public with my face and name and location on the Internet. Should I bite the bullet?? Thanks In advance. I can’t really talk to anyone else about this. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2858,"Title: Faced my rapist, made it to cover of largest newspaper Text: Yesterday the lawsuit against my rapist finally took place. I sat 2 meters behind him in court. I gave a speech on how the rape impacted my life. Today I woke up, the story, my story, made it to the front page of the largest national newspaper, was picked up by politicians through Twitter and in parliament. He shouldn’t have been out on the streets. The public prosecutor demanded the very very maximum, in two weeks we will know the sentence. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2859,"Title: what was the reason you started selfharm? Text: For me,I saw my friends doing it and because someone that I thought was my friend said something very hurtful to me and I couldn't stop thinking about it and wanted to get my mind off of it. Next thing you know everytime something bad happens I hurt myself For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2860,"Title: My client keep stroking and groping me. Text: Hello. I work with the elderly and stay overnight. I’ve got this client that keeps stroking my arms, kissing my arms, and groping my breasts. He asked if I knew that I made him cum. I called my work, but they don’t think they can get someone to replace me at this time of the night. I’ll have to endure this for 4 more hours a least. I hope someone is up to talk to me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 2861,"Title: I am going to post my rapist on tiktok. I'm tried of sitting in silence and hurting quietly when it seems like he is doing great. Text: This summer I was raped by a tinder date on my birthday. The experience has left me traumatized, and I barely remember who I was before the incident. I posted a video calling him out by name on tiktok today, but it was removed for community guidelines. I don't think it got many views, but I wanna post it again. Is this the right thing to do? Am I making a mistake posting him? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2862,"Title: Y'all ever just look in the mirror and go ""damn, no one will ever like you"". That's me on a daily basis. Text: I swear I feel like everyone who sees my face ends up having nightmares about it due to how ugly I am. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2863,"Title: Self harm free Text: I recently started the journey I’ve gone to therapy and I’ve gotten my antidepressant so far I’m two days clean I’m so happy For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 2864,"Title: Can't find the energy to leave Text: Hi, I have been getting abused for 4 years now and I definitely need to leave my house. At first I was hoping he would change maybe acknowledge+apologize and try rebuilding our relationship. Unfortunately now I have lost all of my hope about this. I have been looking for a flat to rent for 4 months but they are either too expensive or I didn't act fast. I already feel too depressed to do anything let alone renting a new place, moving all my stuff and finding a job. I haven't told him that I was planning to leave as I thought this would only make things worse. I tried waiting for this depression to soften but it has already been 4 months and I'm sick of him. Do you have any advice? If you have gone through with this do you any tips? Thank you For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 2865,"Title: I’ve been rejected over and over again today so I give up Text: I don’t have any friends. Not one. I have people who are friends with each other and I’m on the bubble, meaning if I accidentally wind up hanging out with them they’re always saying how fun I am but I’m never, ever included in on future plans. Even if it’s just sitting outside enjoying the weather. If I do somehow get invited the plan usually gets canceled meaning they’ve decided to do something else and I’m not part of that plan. Today I had that happen. I tried to rally and humiliated myself by asking another group if they wanted to hang out. They said no they had too much to do but I see that they’re just sitting outside. I have to walk past their place to get in and out of my apartment and it’s just so humiliating. I texted my sister to try to get some comforting words and she hasn’t even read my texts. I know this sounds like I’m feeling sorry for myself but this is what happens when I try to reach out. It hurts much more to be rejected and alone than just lonely and alone. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2866,"Title: Found a private investigator card in my door Text: Is it possible that they're trying to collect defense information for my abuser's attorney? My abuser is in jail awaiting sentencing. I am aware that I have no obligation to talk to them and to say ""I need to speak with my lawyer"" if they do manage to talk to me in person. But has anyone else had this happen within about a month of an abuser's arrest? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2867,"Title: I posted my experience on a sub. Had to delete. Text: It was all comments of “I’m not sure I believe this” and “this is bizarre” “you’re not getting sympathy upvotes for your fake situation”. This shit hurts. So fucking much. To go through that and people literally tear you down. No I didn’t call the police because I know if I made a case there would be too much grey area and I know how rape trials go in my country. I don’t want to go through that. But fuck you to all the people that doubt if they’re true. I posted on this sub with my experience a while back. It’s not bizarre. It’s actually really hurt me because I was contemplating telling my mam this had happened. I’m completely put off telling anyone now. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2868,"Title: My best friend is about to marry a man who beats her. Text: I really need advice right now, I’m freaking out. My best friend (25) just got engaged to her boyfriend (27) who is a monster. They’ve been together about two years. I see why (on the surface) she would like him, he is attractive, successful, and charming but he’s also an unapologetic woman beater. He has punched her, backhanded her, slapped her, shoved her, choked her, raped her. And that’s just what she has told me. I just don’t understand. She is brilliantly smart (I’m not just saying that because she’s my friend) I know she knows better than this. She has plenty of options, she’s beautiful and has a perfect body. She gets attention from men everywhere we go, I have always been envious of that. Shes the most confident person I know. So I don’t know why she wants this. She’s literally happy with him. She thinks he’s “perfect”. Her excuse for the hitting is that he has a temper. She also has excused it by saying he doesn’t beat her mercilessly he just “slaps her around a little”. I am white, she is latina and she once tried to tell me that all latin men are like this and that they are prideful and aggressive so I wouldn’t understand because white men are “weak”. Her apartment is always overflowing with flowers that he gives her as apologies. He is always buying her jewelry as make up presents. I feel like throwing up every time she shows off these gifts to me. I don’t know what to do. She won’t speak a word against him. I really don’t want her to marry him and be trapped for life but I don’t know what I can do. I have tried to talk to her a million times but she always shuts me down. I really need help. I don’t want her to condemn herself to this forever. And I don’t buy any of her excuses I think he’s arrogant and evil. And worse of all I know she will bring a child into this home soon, she tells me all the time she wants a baby boy as soon as they marry. I just want to save her. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2869,"Title: seeking advice/opinions Text: Trigger Warning: Violence So I was in an over 4 year relationship but unfortunately we ended because he got drunk one night and became violent. He ended up punching me multiple times. I grew up pretty privileged and am white so I have always trusted police. He is black and grew up not trusting the law so much. Even though we are Canadian he sees the difference between how he is treated in his security uniform and when he's in plain clothes. To me it was simple, you hit someone it's criminal. You never tolerate being hit. If you get hit you leave. So that's what I did. I left and called the police. I had him charged but because this was his first offense the way our legal system worked out he doesn't have a criminal record now either. Anyways, after the no contact order was up I reached out to him. It was like nothing was different. We fell right back into the familiarity of being a couple and talking all the time. I told my therapist this and she said I need to stop talking to him. That he hit me so he should never get another chance to be with me or even be in my life. We were friends for almost 9 years before we got together. That's a long time to just throw away. I'm basically wondering what I should do. I really don't want to cut him out because I love him and he's become my best friend for so many years. But is my therapist right? Does anyone feel like this is a pattern of abuse or could the mandated therapy he had have helped him enough to not do it again. I know my therapist is trying to look out for my best interest but she doesn't know what's in my heart For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2870,"Title: Never stop fighting Text: Had to share this. I've spent 2 years trying to get away from my abusive ex even after leaving him. He strangled me and fractured both sides of my skull the night i packed everything up to leave for good. I have tbi and I'm lucky to be alive. 2 years ago he took me to court for child support and my brain was so messed up i couldn't even spell MY OWN NAME right for the paperwork and today i received paperwork with my first victory with many more to come. 2 years of hell and abuse on top of all the abuse before i left and today i received verification of my first victory. I'm so happy. I never thought I'd get to this point in my life. I raised our kids and ended up changed for the rest of my life the night i left and still ended up having to pay him. I've healed somewhat enough that I'm not confused 24/7 and can actually fight back so receiving this paperwork is just happiness overload. Sorry i had to share its been such a long, sad journey. This is the happiest I've been in such a long time. Never stop fighting. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2871,"Title: does anyone else not cry while doing the deed Text: i just start shaking a lot sometimes but i rarely cry idk why, i haven’t been able to cry at all lately edit: guys i’m talking about sh not sex wtf For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2872,"Title: My Story Text: So I saw a bunch of people post about their stories when I searched it on Google. And it gave me courage to download the app and post my story… I was sexually harassed by my younger brother. 2 years younger than me. It started when I was maybe 10 and he was 8. He caught me saying “fuck you” and used it as blackmail, which yanno was a big deal for us at that age… He would knock on the wall between us a specific pattern and if I didn’t come it to his room he would tell lies to my parents. Once I didn’t go in and he sprayed himself in the eyes with perfume and blamed it on me. When I would go in, he told me to touch him down there or he would touch my boobs. I thought it was just childlike wonders but it continued for a couple years. It has stopped since I have grown up and attend college now but it still haunts me. Loud noises make me flashback to his knocks. They would get louder and louder until he did something to blame me for.. It wasn’t until I told an online friend (who called CPS) that my family knew. When I told them, my brother denied it and my dad said I was trying to separate the family. So I shoved it down. My current boyfriend knows and is very supportive. Some college friends know and they also help me when I get the flashbacks and remember. I despise my brother for it. But I still try to be a part of his life because even though I despise him for what he did, he’s my younger brother and i do love him. Is that wrong? That i still care and try to be there in his life even though he did this to me… For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","sexualharassment_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 2873,"Title: What to do when someone has been sexually harassed in public? Text: My girlfriend told me a story of how she was sexually harassed at a local bar, this guy that was passing by groped her boobs out of nowhere and when she told her friend he just laughed at it... So let's say i was there and happened to witness the whole thing, what's the first thing that i should do or say?? How do i comfort a person who has been sexually harassed a few minutes ago?? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2874,"Title: i’m fully aware there will be people that would be sad if i committed suicide Text: I feel like the first thing everyone says is that there are people that care about you and love you so you shouldn’t. but that doesn’t take away the pain you endure everyday. like i don’t care if people will be fucking upset i’m fucking upset and im exhausted For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2875,"Title: Do you ever feel like life slips away from you? everyone else is moving forward but you're stuck because of your own illness Text: I just hate it so much, I always feel like as soon as I get better, as soon as I come back and wake up from my own reality, I get overwhelmed and muddled by my own list of things I want to do, get fit, get friends, do that thing I want, plan that career I want, and I'm just flooded with things I need to do and with the things I want to do, of course I don't want to pressure myself so I do it step by step but... yeah I'm not pressuring myself or anything, I just see other people's lives and they're doing so much better than me, I get insecure because I'm so broken and run down to the point I don't get to even live my own life at this point. I have frequent dissociation episodes so time, days, weeks don't really process well for me I'd be shocked that its already July and school is already starting for me. I promised myself I'd get better and be better before school starts but now well, the moment has passed, and we're already starting. It's just that when I'm stuck having mental health problems, time doesn't move for me. days don't feel like days, months feel like years, days just pass by constantly while I keep crying, I keep breaking down, I keep struggling and drowning. that's all anyways I just wonder if any of you feel the same way??? Edit: Holy shit, I never expected to get so many upvotes, I feel sadder now that so many of you feel the same way. Its hard for me to see all these comments because I can see myself in different situations, the feeling of being stuck, of drowning, of floating. It's hard for me to tell this to myself and let alone other people but someday it will get better, we just never know when. And it's hard because we all get older and time moves on without us. We keep surviving because we wanna get through the other side. I hope we all hope to get through the other side. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2876,"Title: Suicide hotlines are bullshit Text: They ask you the same robotic questions a complete strangers asks when they find out you want to die. Whether it’s texting or calling them it just feels awkward and I constantly have to watch what I say and lie otherwise I’ll have the police on my ass. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2877,"Title: My Friend Harassed me, help? Text: Today, my *friend* (F) approached me in class. We've been friends for a few months and talk normally, so I (F) was used to them approaching me. She occasionally makes jokes about us dating or her having a crush on me, which is fine, I usually don't mind. However, today she took it too far. I was backed up against my friends who were discussing smtg privately. She grabbed my face, got an inch away from me and said ""You should date me."" and ""Date me."" completely unprovoked. She also grabbed my hands. Then she tried to kiss me, which I obviously was not comfortable with. I backed up, making a joke about it because that was my only way of knowing how to respond. Then, after class, they came up to me in a corner and grabbed my face again, saying the same things, but I just left. It's been a few hours and I'm thinking about reaching out and saying how uncool it was and how uncomfortable it made me, but I'm nervous. Her and I kissed once, but it was really as a joke and was a while ago. I feel like maybe she feels led on? She knows about my experiences with S/A so it really hurt that she did that. Should I reach out now or wait until we're face to face? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 2878,"Title: Unconditional Love is a Dangerous Concept Text: I feel like the idea of loving someone unconditionally is something that our society values far too highly. Everywhere I look I see people lamenting an ended relationship and pining for some future lover who will love them and continue to love them ""no matter what,"" but they never seem to take responsibility for why the relationship ended. It's always about the other person being too heartless to love them unconditionally. After being in a domestic violence relationship with my ex boyfriend, I think that we don't deserve to be loved unconditionally, and I think the idea that needs to go away. No, you do not deserve to be loved after verbally or physically abusing your SO. You do don't deserve to be loved after threatening to take your SOs life. You don't deserve to be loved after lying through your teeth to your SO about every aspect of your life. And no, you don't get a free pass on any of these things because you've had a difficult life. Love and relationships SHOULD be conditional. Society needs to stop glorifying people sacrificing their well-being to provide unconditional love to their SOs. Especially when it comes to abusive shitty people who will never change. If I loved my ex boyfriend unconditionally he would have ended up murdering me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2879,"Title: Found the pills i stashed in my draw last night Text: idk i made plans to end things in august, and hid ativan pills in my draw. when i felt like i wanted to do it, i’d take about 3 at a time. they’d make me calm and sleepy. i never actually had the strength to take all 10 pills at once. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_past Question 2880,"Title: How do you take shower Text: How do you take shower after cutting yourself? Scabs melt in water and everytime it bleeds again. Somtimes my mom finds out my cuts because blood stains towel. I just want to know how you guys manage it. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2881,"Title: I’m going to commit suicide tonight I ’m going to be alone and this anxiety is insufferable. Text: I am 19 times old I made a pledge to myself to see how effects would ameliorate in the future, but they've only gotten worse and the same, I do not know what differently to do. Tonight, I am going to hang myself. I have written about it, told my family about it, went therapy and so on. All haven’t helped too much nor do they even care as I seen from it just ignoring or blaming. I am just really done. I can not feel to look at myself and feel useful because I am so lonely and just living being for its own sake. Loneliness is consuming me to know end. I believe there's nothing in this world for me. It seems as if there's nothing in store for me in the future maybe not true but I just see anything now just miserable and alone. I truly do not want to survive this time, it would be better for me to die. I see occasionally everyone lead happy lives and live their lives. I despise who I'm and do not ever want to live again. Whoever reads this, thank you for being in my life and commenting. I can not stand being fully alone any longer. I infrequently manage to produce complete Words when I do get the chance to speak to someone. disregard a girl. Stuttering or the fair I’m boring not knowing what to say social anxiety. when I have something on mymind, I've a hard time actually saying it. Who on earth would be patient enough to hear me out? How could I conceivably keep a conversation with someone if I tried to talk to them? I can’t really communicate with them easily. Nor am I worth anyone’s time. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2882,"Title: ANYONE KNOW HOW TO GET RID OF SH SCABS FAST?? Text: It’s been about 5 days since i last cut but i have something coming up where i need to get rid of them like by tomorrow. does anyone know anyway to get rid of them quickly?? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 2883,"Title: i want to die . i don't fit in anywhere. i can't do anything properly. i can't function like normal human being . i can't connect to anybody. Text: What should I do? I can't afford therapy. I don't have anyone to reach out to... I can't see light... For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2884,"Title: A close friend invited her friend who has sexually harassed me several times to her party. Text: I chose to cut her off, but i am beyond hurt and disgusted with her. He touched me several times at several occasions over a two year span eventhough I cleary told him i wanted no contact. She knows this and promised to not invite him but she changed her mind. She wants to give him a last chance, since she believes his friends are influencing him. I feel betrayed, ended the friendship and obvioisly wont attend her Party. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 2885,"Title: If you are trying to move out inconspicuously invest in garbage bags. Text: I’m passing this along because it’s how I was able to get away from my abusive ex. If you are afraid of someone noticing you’re moving your stuff out and you’re afraid it could send up red flags here are some tips: - buy black “yard” trash bags - put your clothes and fabric items in them. - the trash bags will hide what’s inside - if anyone asks, just claim you’re taking things to be donated - make several trips over several days. -if you have to drop the bag at a friend’s house outside in a rush, the bag is waterproof and gives them time to bring it inside. - vacuum-seal ziploc storage bags work great for making comforters more compact and easier to carry out quickly. -take furniture last - it’s the most obvious - if possible, have a storage unit ready so you can make drop offs. When I left I began packing trash bags while my ex was home. He’d watch me do it. I’d tell him it was all things the kids had outgrown, or things to clean out. He left for work and the neighbors watched me move trash bags. Never anything they could see. I did this over days. When my ex was gone for a long weekend I moved all my trash bags out, suitcase and furniture last. This is how me and my children got away. When he came back he was convinced the neighbors were lying and we “must’ve hired movers.” I was just quiet and careful. My kids and I were in another state before he came back. I left our things in storage until I could come back for it. I hope this helps someone. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2886,"Title: just did my first ever beans cut and that shit is terrifying Text: tw for description of deep cut ​ i wasnt even trying to go deep, i was using my new tool on my arm for the first time and holy shit. it just opened up. i immediately freaked out and decided my best bet was to try to close it with bandaids. i have the kind that you can cut to size so i cut up a bunch of thin ones and used them as steri strips. worked surprisingly well. i used 5 of them to close up the 2 sides of the wound and its actually not bleeding through the bandaids so far. but the fucking fear i felt. i didnt think it would feel that way. i felt faint, my heart was beating like crazy, i looked in the mirror and im literally pale. idk what i thought i would feel when i finally ""went deep"" but it wasnt this. it did not feel good. i do not feel accomplished, or satisfied, or ""valid"". i just feel scared. do i need stitches even if it stopped bleeding? so far the wound seems to be staying closed with just the bandaids. but idk what to do next. can i keep the bandaids on for long?? how do i change them without the wound opening back up? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2887,"Title: i just want to end everything already Text: Like I said yesterday, I can't stand the state of the world and my future is going to be shit no matter what we do. That and the fact some old man can just destroy everything at anytime, I don't have a reason to go on For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2888,"Title: Do you need a friend that accepts supports you? Text: I've been lurking and reading some posts here, and I'm back to spread more positivity! My heart goes out to so many of you that are currently struggling with your own hardships. As you probably know I'm a 21F and I've been through quite a lot, which motivated me to be a better person - I believe that I've been given a second chance in life to spread positivity to others. I read, write, play video games and I'm a student, I love fitness and sports, so if any of this seems interesting or you want to know more about me, feel free to reach out, don't be a stranger. I'm so very proud of you guys, I keep saying that in my posts and I will keep saying that in more to come - you matter, you're amazing and I'm proud of you! If you need to vent, need advice, need a ""mommy"", a self esteem boost or anything in the middle - reach out! I'll be waiting <33. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2889,"Title: I don’t know anymore Text: My intrusive thoughts have been getting bad, for weeks now theres been a little voice in my head saying I should just stop talking to my friends, so they forget about me, so I can just end my life without worrying about them. today I took one step towards that, and it scares me. I’ve been getting so much worse lately I just need advice or something I don’t kn For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2890,"Title: Killing myself in a week Text: I've decided to commit suicide via carbon monoxide poisoning on November 8th when I'm home alone. I want wish luck to everyone going through challenges in life. Unfortunately my problems will never be solved so I've chosen death but I hope anyone with even the slightest chance of being happy can see their life as a blessing and pursue happiness. If not I'll see you on the other side I suppose. ✌ For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2891,"Title: theres no point in trying Text: Theres literally no point, idk how people can keep suffering in this shitshow, theres nothing for me in the future, thing wont be better, my mind wont let me have it, its just this endlessly battle between me and myself, im doing okay right now, things havent even looked brighter before, im doing good but i dont feel good and i dont think ill ever feel anything else than just ""okay"" i can look, feel and be fine with myself for some time but i will always come back to this hole, i cant escape it, when did i get this bad, why did i let myself be this bad too? I really dont see a point, is just worthless, i cant force myself anymore, the long nights and the even longer days, i think this is where my road ends, i might keep suffering more years but this will be me for ever and i dont think i can do something to change it, new stuff are good and fun for a while but in the end of the day im back to my cell, talking to people is cool and i love getting to know them but that wont made the pain and the doubt away, i tried and it didnt work, i wont go for drugs, i rather take the easy way out than getting addicted to it. I really really thought than getting out of my room and doing new stuff will help me out, i really believe all that shit but it didnt, not for me atleast, its over, i wont change, i cant change, theres no point in trying when at the end i will go back to feel this. Love can't help you, help starts with yourself, is an state of mind, everything is but love won't do it for you, it might help me to those lucky ones out there but everything starts with you and when you are so fucked, there's nothing to do now, right? Besides i never felt this ""love"" never, i saw it everywhere but i cant feel it, im emotionally dead, maybe not but it feels that way. I just wish everything to end one or another, just make it happen please, im tired please, why me? What did i do? I just want to rest please, its been 8 years and im just 21, theres no point, im done waiting, theres literally no point or excuse to keep living, made out your mind before its too late, future isn't pretty and we all know that, i just want it to stop If you read all of this then i'm sorry that you even have to be browsing this subreddit, nobody should deal with this, never. Im sorry. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2892,"Title: I need some advice Text: I don't know if this a right thing to post here, but I feel violated. I (f21) know this guy. We were together in high school and got along well. We weren't really well friends, but always friendly with each other. He was/is very religious and shows that. He got into fights in class discussions and once stormed out of class during a discussion. I tried to never be an arsehole to him and laugh at him like the rest of our peers. Two years later I had a faith crisis and spontaneously decided to contact him. I opened up to him and he was kinda thrilled to help me. He was really nice and I thought I could talk to him. But then things started to get weird. The religious stuff got to extreme and he was very sexist towards me. Then he tried to analyse me. Said that I had trust issues and stuff. That I was self conscious. My problem apparently is that I was never sexually intimate. Told me how sorry he was that I never was in love and how much I missed. Once he said that I just needed an orgams and he constantly talks about how hard it is because he is so horny all the time. He said that I would totally fuck him Then came the evening that made me physically uncomfortable. He wanted to cuddle. OK not that weird I thought. So we were there and he asked me if he could kiss me. I said no. He tried to kiss my neck. I moved away. He said sorry. I thought everything was alright again, but he started to like give me a kiss on the cheek every two minutes. I felt uncomfortable. The next couple of days I felt uncomfortable. The thing is I kinda just froze up during that evening. He wrote me messages how he was sorry that he made me uncomfortable. So I kinda just pushed everything aside. Then we met once again. We sat on the couch and I was talking about a show when he took both my hands and pulled me in and kissed me on the cheek. I immediately pulled away. He said sorry. Said that he thought I was sending him signals and that I was aroused. I left after a short time and decided to not see him again. It has been two and a half months since then. From time to time I get flashbacks and I have the feeling that I can feel his lips on my cheek. He never touched me bellow the waist or my chest. He also never kisse me on the lips. I still feel uncomfortable and disgusted. I fear that I won't be able to let anyone kiss me in the future. Additionally the religious stuff left scars as well. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 2893,"Title: Anyone feel like they’re talking to a wall? Text: Anyone feel like they’re talking to a wall when they’re talking to family members? And anyone have a sibling or know of someone who cuts you off or changes the topic everytime u open ur mouth to speak unless ur agreeing with them? My brother just completely disregards me so casually when I’m speaking directly to him lol how rude. I really wish I had a friend group and a bf/gf. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2894,"Title: If you can’t be a good friend- you shouldn’t have them. Mental illness is not a valid excuse. Text: As a person with mental illness I understand just how easy it is to get caught up with your own stuff. It’s not something you can just “get over”. But If you are going through things to the point you are unable to think of others, you get easily defensive, disregard others boundaries for your own and are consistently unreliable, do NOT make friends. You will be toxic to everybody you meet. Whether you mean to or not. When I was in my darkest place, I was uninterested in making friends or establishing close relationships and I made that pretty clear until I got the help I needed. I have been on the receiving end of the behavior of people who decided to still make friends despite not being able to handle doing so. Its hurtful to be ghosted by people you think you connected well with. To have your every plan you were excited about for days be crushed by their flakiness. your kindness being taken advantage of at every corner. Those are terrible things to do to someone. Mental illness or not. Your feelings are not the only ones that matter. And if you are in a state where you are unable to grasp that you need to let people know you are an emotionally unavailable person and be direct. if you are aware of how “not there” you are for people you say you care about and never apologize or feel bad about it, I question if you’d be a good person in the first place. Having mental illness does not excuse toxic behavior and it does not make you an automatic angel. I have a lot of patience for people who are trying their best yet are struggling and are honest about it, and take responsibility for their actions. I do not have any patience for those with zero care about how they may have hurt someone. Even in my worst pit of depression I could never “not care” if I was hurting another person. I just don’t understand that logic. I would at least apologize and mean it. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2895,"Title: I'm a strong, career-focused, highly professional woman, but I was in a DV-marriage. I struggle to relate to the stereotype of the victim and find the right support. Can anyone else relate? Text: I know that DV comes in all shapes, sizes, populations, genders, social groups, etc. However, I am struggling to find stories that I can relate to. I am a strong professional and I think most people I know would be *shocked* that I was in a DV-marriage. I tolerated a lot because I was paying for him to get better, see therapists, psychiatrists, try medications, and I was able to feel semi-safe during this process, since I am the breadwinner. I pay the bills, I own the house, and I knew that if it came down to it, I have a safe place to be and can take care of myself. My DV was primary emotional abuse and angry outbursts/put downs, but also occasionally physical in the form of grabbing, squeezing, shaking, holding down, and throwing things at me. I was never *hit* or *beat*, in those sense of the words. I am already facing unintentional stigma from his mother (who is supportive of me and meant well), when she said, ""Well at least it wasn't very serious/bad."" - when he was finally arrested and charged for grabbing/squeezing/shaking/slamming, because I wasn't *beat*. I struggle with identifying as a victim or a survivor. I struggle with finding people who have the same kind of support and social constructs as me. Is there anyone out there who can relate to this scenario? How did you manage after the divorce/break up/whatever you did? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2896,"Title: I did it again after seven long months Text: I tried so fucking hard not to- but I snapped and got back to it. Idk what to say but I’m tired of myself and I hate how all my effort is now back to nothing. After all the persistent urges too- For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2897,"Title: I just got a girlfriend, and she broke up with me on the same night. Text: Ok, so a bit of background: a few hours ago, me and this girl started talking in a chat room, and we got on really well. We talk about being lonely, and later, we exchanged Discord info, and moved the conversation there. After some more talking, we had sent each other pictures of ourselves. I let her know I had some self image issues, and she came back saying that I was cute, and that “She’d turn me confident.” After this, she asked if I’d be interested in dating, and I told her I was. At this point I was on the verge of happy tears, and I decided to let her know that I had a lot of problems with loneliness, toxic family life, I alluded to depression etc, and she replied with genuinely kind words, and generally helped to make me feel better about my situation and myself. A little while later, she asked where I lived, I told her, and we realized that we live only thirty minutes from one another, and she said she couldn’t wait to cuddle me, and some other sappy stuff, but then, she didn’t reply for a while. A bit of time passed, and she just told me, out of nowhere, that she doubted the relationship would work, because she was submissive, and she got the sense I was too. And after that, nothing at all. She’s ignored the few messages I’ve sent back, and I’ve already cried and had a panic attack. All-in-all, I just feel an overwhelming sense of “what did I expect?” It feels like every genuinely happy moment in my life—the few times when I feel like something is actually going to be ok—exists specifically to be ripped away at the last possible second. Edit: Hey-o, I definitely didn’t expect the attention, but thanks for it all the same, folks. My brain definitely wasn’t in the best of ways when I posted this, and it was coming more from a place of emotion than logic. After some actual thought, I know I should not have put as much stock as I did into someone I’d just meant (on the internet, no less). I know that the trauma-dumping I may have accidentally done was a really bad move on my part, but also that she may not have been worth it anyway, if she was willing to kick me to the curb like she did. The whole situation was rotten from the get-go; I see that now. I appreciate both the empathetic words, as well as the frank advice, hard as it was to hear. Thank you again for your time and attention. :) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2898,"Title: What is this? Text: I started using SLOWLY to meet people and have penpals. but this one... it's bad, isn't it? Am I overreacting? This is the 4th letter he sent me. So we don't know each other at all. My expectations were that it would be casual but it quickly turned into this. it's wrong to ask a stranger if they had sex or not, right? https://preview.redd.it/9t66kt5nv1p81.png?width=1366&format=png&auto=webp&s=0cacc4221025087fdb67b6ffda5995460a7123da For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 2899,"Title: I don't know wtf to do or feel anymore Text: Here on my lunch break at work. Why the fuck is life like this? I don't even want to kill myself because the pain it will cause my family is not worth mine but I just wish I truly was never born. It's like everywhere I go, I see nothing but chaos. I've tried the meds and therapy before but nothing works, why the fuck do I feel like this? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2900,"Title: Sexual harassment settlements Text: Anyone know the average payout for an ongoing sexual harassment and retaliation claim? Is mediation worth it in NYC? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2901,"Title: Long term depression - fed up and desperate to fix this Text: Hi everyone. I am looking for some advice on how to proceed. I am almost certain that I'm depressed, have been for a long time and I want to do something about it. However, I think that most of my issues stem from leading an unhappy/unfulfilling lifestyle. I live alone and have done for about 15 years, I have been single for 10 years, at my age most of my friends are married and have kids, and I hated my job so much that I quit without anything else lined up. I struggle to find hobbies that are not solitary and there are a very limited number of interest groups available in my area. I can't help but think that if only I can resolve all of those issues then I'd be happy. But I am sure we all know that finding the energy to tackle these things while in this state and alone is incredibly difficult. Many years ago I was prescribed citalopram and ended up on a fairly high does. This did little but make me feel like a zombie and I am reluctant to see my doctor again because of this. Perhaps the communication on both sides was lacking though. I am from the UK for context. I'm unaware of any free counseling/therapy services here and after trying private for a while it was ultimately too expensive to continue long enough to get any real benefit. Any insights or suggestions on what I could do would be really appreciated. I'm determined to fix myself and just need some support to get me started. Thanks For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2902,"Title: Am I invisible? Text: I want to know why people ignore me when I talk to them. I want to know why people exclude me from plans and conversations. I want to know why people don’t acknowledge me when I walk into a room. I want to know why people ignore my messages. I want to know why no one asks me to hangout. I want to know why people don’t ask for my input on things. I want to know why people don’t ask me about my day. I want to know why people look through me and walk into me. It can be people I’ve known my whole life or just met. I haven’t done anything to anyone. I’ve been respectful and loyal and kind and helpful and caring and friendly and everything everyone is talking about wanting in a friend/partner/child/etc. I’ve never done anything for anyone I’ve just met ignore me. I made some mistakes in past relationships with people but I’ve always came back and worked things out and fixed things. I’ve never done anything extremely bad like killed somebody or robbed a bank or anything for people to treat me this way. I feel like a ghost. Like nothing I say or do matters. I feel like life is pointless. I can’t get a job because literally no one is hiring by me and I don’t have a car or license to travel further to get work and I have a chronic condition that prevents me from working a lot of basic starter jobs. It’s getting really cold and I’m not able to walk to the store to get what I need and half the time I can’t walk to the store anyways because I’m in so much pain from previous injuries. Plus most of the stores that I need to go to aren’t within walking distance. My business isn’t making enough money to keep me afloat either which is why I’m 24/7 looking for ways to earn money. The only time people ever come up and talk to me is to degrade and make fun of me for not having a job or fitting clothes or where I’m living or some other crap. I haven’t really been suicidal since highscool but the thoughts are slowly creeping back into my head. I can’t ask for help either because I’m a man in society and men are supposed to be strong and tough and hard and deal with all of this. And no one can say that’s not true. I can’t tell you how many times people have told me that I’m a dude and dudes don’t cry or suck it up and be a man. I get told to deal with it. It’s all true. And then when someone lets me cry on there shoulder for a second and vent they dip from my life immediately after that. I’m just a ghost existing. What’s the point of being here anymore? I’m not doing anything and nothing Is going up. I literally have 0 dollars in the bank and 0 cash. I only have maybe less than a quarter of the possessions I used to have a year ago since I sold most of my stuff to pay for stuff I need to live day to day. No one is going to actually miss me if I’m gone. No one misses me or cares to text me when they wake up in the morning and I’m not there. I’ve been gone days without anyone noticing then seen them surprised to see me walk in the door. No one cares. I’m the only one I matter to and I’m even not even mattering to myself anymore. Im starting to become careless when Im out walking home late at night and walk through dangerous neighborhoods and in the middle of streets and stuff. No one will care. Im by myself. They’ll Probably just drag my body to the side of the road and drive away. I don’t matter. Who cares. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2903,"Title: I don’t know how to feel Text: On my phone so forgive any formatting issues. I don’t know if this is the right subreddit or not, if it is the wrong one I’ll take it down but I want to get this off my chest. So I (F) went out with couple of people I know a while ago (pre covid) on a night out. For context, I feel like I should say that I have quite a big chest, I get comments about it fairly regularly but I try not to let it get to me. Anyway we were up dancing and having fun when another girl, who I’ve only met a couple of times came up behind me and grabbed my breasts, made a jokey comment about them and leaves. I laughed it off at the time but it made me uncomfortable. There was no reason for it. I know I have a big chest but that doesn’t make it public property, you can’t just grab it when you feel like it. I haven’t told anyone that was there because I don’t want to make a big deal out of it but I really didn’t like being grabbed. I also feel like I’m over reacting and feel like it wasn’t a big deal because it was a girl, while I know if it was a guy it could have been worse or people would see it as worse? It could have been worse in general. Was it wrong of her or am I overreacting? I don’t know how to feel. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 2904,"Title: should i just end it? there’s genuinely nothing to live for anymore.. Text: i’m in so much pain, no meds work for me, all i do is smoke weed 24/7 and rot in bed, nothing makes me happy anymore (besides my cat and dog), i’ve never had a best friend, my parents don’t even know how to help me anymore and i’m sick of pushing myself everyday to be happy For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2905,"Title: i feel like im overreacting. Text: so in april-ish i became friends with this person. i'll name them Alex. so alex and i became friends and we got pretty close. we texted almost every day and i started speculating they had a crush on me. pretty soon they said they do, which usually i wouldn't mind. however, im a lesbian and this person, while non-binary, had a dick and so therefore i wasn't attracted to them. they began constantly guiltshaming me saying things like ""ugh it sucks to have a crush on a girl who's a lesbian"" and shit like that. they also began asking me to ""just try dick"" bc how could i know if i've never tried it? they repeatedly asked me out, asked me to try dating them, and ask me very personal questions abt sexual habits (btw i was in eighth grade. both of us were but still. i was a virgin, still am, and definitely am not ready to lose it.) it got increasingly worse and after telling them it made me uncomfortable they continued. i finally realized this wasn't normal and broke off the friendship. it upsets me to even be around them nowadays but i feel like im overreacting. does what happened count as sexual harassment? i know that sexual harassment includes inappropriate language but still. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 2906,"Title: Life feels like it's spiraling? Text: I'm 23F & I've been house ridden with anxiety and depression for about 2 months now. I have health anxiety, Agoraphobia, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, etc, on top of having health issues. Hypothyroidism, Hashimotos, Type 2 Diabetes, PCOS, etc. I was doing fine up until out of the blue, I wasn't? Being outside made me dizzy, eyes blurry, and like I was going to pass out. This progressed into me not wanting to leave home at ALL. I thought maybe hormones? Since my periods were out of whack and what not, I talked to my doctor about getting on birth control. Due to risks, I was put on progestin only pills or ""POP"" pills. They give me my periods, but now I experience flu like symptoms? I have no appetite. I can only eat soup. Everything else I throw up, or have awful bathroom breaks with. I feel like the past two months, I've gotten no breaks. It's constant anxiety. I cry randomly thinking about how I miss being ""normal"". I can't clean my house, personal hygiene is hard, everything is so hard. I feel so silly and like a burden to everyone around me. I want to be able to do things but I just can't bring myself to do it. Some days I feel a bit better, other days I feel like I can't even get out of my bed. I'm at a loss. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2907,"Title: Idk where to put this Text: TW csa I’ve been through a lot of crap when it comes to sa and csa but I think I may have recovered a memory. I saw a video pop up on tiktok about cocsa and I thought about my best friend as a kid and the way we would play. The problem is when I try to remember more it’s as if I can’t remember them. I don’t know if this is a real or a false memory and I just needed to get this off my chest. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",childabuse_endangerment_past Question 2908,"Title: My life is so much better than most people Text: Reading through this subreddit is wild to me because I spend so much time feeling bad for myself and wishing my life were better, but honestly it’s so much better than almost everyone here. I don’t mean that to brag I only say that because it’s depressing that I have a “good” life and still spend most my time hating it For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2909,"Title: please give me advice Text: my boyfriend has an eating disorder. i hate to see him struggle so much with it everyday, it's just heartbreaking. i wish i could do more to help him, but all i can do as of now is offer all the support i can give. is there any advice anyone can give for me to help in any way? i would give anything just to be able to help him feel better. he works so incredibly hard, both at his job and in our relationship, and i just wish i knew how to do more for him in this regard. any advice is welcome and encouraged. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2910,"Title: It’s my birthday today (: Text: Lurker here. But will probably be posting here more soon. Anyway, I see everyone doing this bday post. I think it would be nice to receive some bday wishes as well. Ps: I’m 22 now! For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2911,"Title: I Want Help Text: I am a senior this year and have battled all kinds of wellness problems without any professional help. I would love to get some professional help, but I’m afraid of how my family would react. With all that’s going on at school as well, I cannot afford to put my mental health first, then school second. I’m 2020, one of my closest friends (let’s call her Sara) went through a tough time with mental health. Every time I saw her, I would see new scars over her old ones. Back then I could have never saw myself cut my own arm, it didn’t make sense. How could you hurt yourself when you are already hurting yourself. Flash forward to now, I’m sitting on the bathroom floor, confessing on reddit while glancing at my arm. This may not be the same to everybody, but for me, I think I am doing this because I just want others to know physically, that i’m not mentally okay. It’s been 4 years and I want somebody to notice, just to ask if I’m okay. That people do care about me. This may make me seem selfish, but this is me being honest. I present myself as this happy extrovert, when in reality I just want to stay at home, and let my brain take over of all these suicidal thoughts. When I cut myself, I can feel those haunting thoughts escape me through my scars, and I feel free. But, these scars are portals that can absorb the thoughts again anytime. I really want to stop harming myself and I would love some advice to anybody whose been in my shoes. I’m scared that my thoughts and tolerance to pain will continue to grow to the point where these scars are not wide enough for my thoughts to leave. I really don’t want to kill myself but some days my actions and thoughts are not aligned. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 2912,"Title: Perpetual victim Text: Why does it feel like you're more likely to be a victim again and again if you've been a victim once? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2913,"Title: I need to get all of this off my chest. Text: Sorry if this is hard to follow, I grew more and more emotional as I typed and this whole thing might have become a little disjointed. I'm 16, I know I have my whole life ahead of me and all that stuff anyone even a little older than me likes to remind me. I know that's true, but at this rate I won't get to see that life. I'm black, ftm, autistic, disabled. I'm very emotionally unstable. I'm not smart, I have no skills, no hobbies, no interests. There's no place for me in this world or in my own communities for that matter, my existence is a waste of time, energy, and space for me and everyone who knows me. As if all that isn't bad enough, I know life doesn't get much better from here. It gets harder, more complicated, etc. I'd like to put myself out of my misery before things worse. I've already got the beginnings of a plan in my head. All it takes is one more inconvenience and I might not make it to the end of this month, let alone Christmas. If my parents find out about how I'm feeling I could get in trouble or even disowned. I don't know what will happen and I'm too scared to reach out to any adults that should be able to help in case they don't do anything (has happened in the past 3 times already, 2 more recently) or they tell my parents and my home life becomes a wreck. I feel so trapped. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2914,"Title: Idk what to do Text: I have a friend Ash who my mom said I can go over to if I don’t hurt myself this week but I don’t think I can make it until Friday does anyone have any suggestions?? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2915,"Title: How do I get through the first days after my assault? Text: I’m not going to the police and I’m not telling anybody I know what’s happened. I just can’t. I know it’s what I should do but I can’t do it. Barring those two options. What do I do right now to get through? How do I cope? Like I said I can’t tell anyone so how do I find a way to get through this on my own? I took plan b but I need to find a clinic near me that will do std testing for free (he didn’t use a condom.) — or at least discounted/affordable testing. I have insurance but I’m on the plan with my parents so they’ll see what i got tested for. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_ongoing Question 2916,"Title: Fighting City Hall Text: CORRUPTION Is the City of Redondo Beach above the law? Under Redondo Beach City policy, California State law, and Federal law, it is illegal to retaliate against police supervisors for reporting incidents of sexual harassment or racial discriminatory hiring practices reported to the supervisor by city employees. State and Federal laws protect both current and former employees who report these law violations on behalf of others against any form of retaliation. The Mayor of the City of Redondo Beach, the city council, and city management are not exempt from abiding by laws which protect former city employees from any form of post-employment retaliation against them for reporting discrimination and sexual harassment in the workplace. My name is Rody Contreras. I was born and raised in the City of Redondo Beach. I retired as a police sergeant after dedicating 33 years of my life working for the Redondo Beach Police Department. Since my retirement, the City of Redondo Beach has continued retaliating against me, post-employment, by denying me my contractual pension benefits for reporting discriminatory violations against other city employees. As a single parent I rely on my pension to support my family, but this issue is about more than my pension benefits. Discrimination should not be tolerated at any level within city government. Sexual harassment and racial discrimination are unacceptable violations against basic human rights and should not exist in the private or public sectors of government. The City of Redondo Beach’s continued retaliation against me for reporting acts of discrimination against my fellow employees leave me little choice but to file a lawsuit next month for breach of employment/retirement contract and violation of my civil rights. Post-employment retaliation against former police officers sends a strong message to current police officers not to report internal unlawful activity, lest they intend to suffer the consequences of the city’s retaliation. Police officers need to know that they can count on the support of the public when reporting internal unlawful activity. In a time when the exposure of corruption within law enforcement has generated a great amount of distrust for police officers, it is vital to support officers who stand against this corruption. A healthier and safer police department means a healthier and safer community. In solidarity, we must hold our local government officials accountable. Please take a moment and fight against sexual harassment, racial discrimination, and government retaliation by emailing your opinions and objections to the Redondo Beach City Manager, Mayor and Council. ***Standup against City corruption*** Redondo Beach City Mayor Bill Brand: bill.brand@redondo.org Redondo Beach City Council Members – Nils Nehrenheim: nils.nehrenheim@redondo.org, Todd Loewenstein: todd.loewenstein@redondo.org, Christian Horvath: christian.horvath@redondo.org, John Gran: john.gran@redondo.org, and Laura Emdee: laura.emdee@redondo.org Redondo Beach City Manager Joe Hoefgen: joe.hoefgen@redondo.org For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2917,"Title: Does anyone go through phases of acceptance and denial? Text: Hi all, I’m struggling with being caught in phases of acceptance and denial. Part of me thinks that it can’t possibly be true, that I wasn’t raped. Maybe I just made a mistake and I’ve just been living a lie for years. But then some days, I can realize that what he did to me was wrong and abnormal. It really eats me up inside and it’s been eating me up inside for over a decade. Can anyone else relate? I know it’s a process but I guess this denial is making me feel like I can’t heal. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2918,"Title: do i need stitches? Text: i sh'd again recently and i managed to get like a 6cm long 4mm wide styro on my upper arm (the biggest yeet on my body by far) and it's been over 36 hours since i did it and i can still see the styro which is unusual for me since all my other cuts usually stay red after they fill up with blood... is that normal? what should i do? should i get stitches? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2919,"Title: A reminder Text: A really lovely friend just reminded me of something. She said, ""I know lots of really intelligent women who have got caught in relationships like this. You have nothing to be embarrassed about."" No person deserves violence from their loved ones. It doesn't matter how fucked up you think you are - this isn't on you. Walk away and go find joy. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2920,"Title: How can I do better next time? Text: Our dog bit me by accident. Though he got all his shots, my parents insisted I still get anti-rabies shots. The next day, I drove myself to the hospital and was given instructions to the animal bite clinic. I was walking there and paused for a minute because I ended up in a deserted corridor and wasn't so sure I was in the right place. (I just had to go further down) A man casually walks out from one of the clinics and asks me where I was going and I told him and he said I just had to go further down. I thanked him and he responded by saying he would hate to see me get lost. That should have warned me. I get to the clinic, after the evaluation I was told to go back out, pay for the shots and return with the receipt to get the shots. So I did and on my way back through that empty corridor he stood there waiting. He meets me and without putting his hands directly on me he finds a way to corner me to the wall with the side of his body pressed against mine. I am only 5ft tall and he stood over a foot taller. He asked me to place my number on his phone. This whole time I kept moving almost tripping on his shoes. He was anxiously looking around, I assume trying not to get caught while insisting I put my number on his phone. I am ashamed to say that I did put my real number on his phone and then he insisted on my name and I gave it and before stepping back he said he'd call me. After my shot I was upset to know that I had to return 2 more times within the next weeks to complete them. I saw him waiting outside the clinic so I waited for a fellow patient to finish and we walked out together and he didn't come up to me. That day he called me 17 times and left multiple messages. Due to the pandemic I can only go alone, I do not want to go back. I keep replaying in my head what I should have done better. Why did I give him my real number and name? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 2921,"Title: i want to die but people keep preventing me from dying Text: Do you ever just look down on the railway in the subway as the train is coming and just ask "" hmm what if i just jumped down there?"" For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2922,"Title: I can’t take it anymore Text: I am so sick of everything, I get screamed at and insulted so I hate myself, then I cut, then I hate myself more for cutting so I cut more, it won’t stop and I don’t know what to do anymore , life sucks. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 2923,"Title: I was rape by a Reddit mod Text: I met a person on reddit, we'll call Lim, and we had so many things in common and were both med students. After chatting over text for a long time I really felt like I could trust them. With the pandemic I have been really lonely and was so grateful to be able to meet someone I had so much in common with. We decided to meet in Vegas at a casino hotel. He said he had reserve two rooms on the same floor and would pick me up at the airport. I decided I would get an Uber and meet him at a restaurant where he gave me the room key but said they only had one. We drank some and I was feeling tired and uncomfortable and asked to go to my room and I would see him the following day. He insisted on helping me to my room and forced himself on me. I got really scared and said no many times but he did not respond and forced me on the bed face down then pulled my underwear down and raped me as I cried. After it was over he made me take a shower and slept in the room. When I woke up he was on top of me again and was inside me and I couldn't force him off. He told me he wasn't able to get two rooms so that is why he stayed the night. When I told him he raped me he laughed and said I consented by meeting him in Vegas. I cried so much that he eventually left early and I got a flight back home and blocked them. When I called the local police they said I would need to call police in Las Vegas where it happened. I called the Vegas police but the were not helpful and said if I were really raped I would have called them when I was in town. I asked to file a report and they reluctantly took down some details and said they would get back to me. That was a couple months ago and the police never followed up. I have been so traumatized I don't know if I can trust another man again. I dropped out of school this semester and moved back in with my parents because I have been so traumatized. My mom said I should talk to a psychiatrist about my rape but after being dismissed by police officers I don't know if I can go through telling all those horrible details to someone that will probably do the same. I hope I can go back to school in the fall but I am so broken and lost right now and have nightmares and flashbacks and I haven't been able to masturbate since and don't want any physical contact from anyone after what happened to me. I am afraid I'll never be able to trust the police or men after this. Meanwhile I checked my rapist's social media and they are still in med school and aren't even phased by my traumatic experience with them. I keep thinking that someday this horrible person will be a doctor and will be abusing patients and there is nothing I can do to stop him from sexually assaulting and raping others. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2924,"Title: Hi all I am experiencing some depression after a really really difficult year. Text: Hi all I am experiencing some depression after a really really difficult year. I guess having one large life stressor after the other all year long has outweighed my coping mechanisms. I am usually quite good with self care and balancing life out but this year has been relentless! I am in unfamiliar territory and have started seeing a therapist and wanted to post for some tips of self care that have helped others on days that they don't feel their best. Thank in advance :) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2925,"Title: Tips on not to relapse Text: TW!! I am 18 days, 3 hours, 34 minutes, and 28 seconds clean as of writing this. Every time I see my scars I get the urge to sh again. At first it was little urges that I wouldn’t act on but now it’s getting worse. Not even cutting either, it’s been particularly hard for me to eat too. Does anyone have tips that’ll help me with this?? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2926,"Title: can’t stop crying Text: I hate this, I hate myself. I don’t even want to cut. When I’m triggered I get random pains in my arms, like a reminder of what I need to do. It’s weird like random shooting pains that feel like cutting and it’s only in places where I’ve done it before. I feel alone and I can’t really breathe and it’s so exhausting I can’t keep doing this. Everything hurts and I wish I was dead. Nobody would care if I disappeared and it’s crushing me. How is it possible to feel every single heart wrenching emotion at once but also be completely numb. It’s like waves of being completely overwhelmed by anxiety and loneliness and depression followed by a brief second of numbness. I feel in a constant battle with myself of what to do. I should hurt myself, I deserve to, I deserve to be dead. There are so many reasons to. But I’m so scared, I want someone to stop me, I don’t want to do this. Please. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 2927,"Title: I Highly Recommend the “I Am Sober” App Text: The I Am Sober app is a great support system and it will track and remind you of how long you’ve been clean. When you first download it asks for the reason(s) that you don’t want to self harm is, and they turn it into a daily pledge. Also after the daily pledge, they give you a new motivational quote every day! It has helped me so far and I hope it can help anyone struggling. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2928,"Title: I told a friend about sexual harassment and sexual abuse from a person he recommended me to go and wasn't very empathetic Text: He told me to go to his kung fu master for massage. He and his brother have been going for years and idolised that guy. I went like 2-3 years ago. I went three times and it happened in the last one. I went there and there was no one else and it all happened. The guy described me a porn film and kept proposing sexual things in the pretext of ""taoist massages"". Also touching me unnapropiately to ""show me"" what he was saying and many more things but I really don't feel good about talking about it. I told him and he believed me but he wasn't very empathetic about it. I don't even know if he's still going to go there, which would made me feel awful. I also told him like ""he should be in jail"" and he said ""a lot of people should be in jail"" like taking importance out of it. He also said like smalling and laughing a bit ""well, it looks like he's a lot more green than he seemed"". Which in Spanish means something like ""he was more sexual /a pervert than it seems"". And I felt awful because it wasn't funny I had a very bad time and I explained him that but he was like idk like idk really he was like I don't remember exactly what he said but he kind of tried to justify his expression and brush it off. Then he went on talking about other cases of sexual harassment as if it was any other thing and I felt awful about it. Like I just told you something very difficult and painful and I'm very traumatised and I don't feel you're been empathetic with me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 2929,"Title: Another lonely and empty night. Text: Night eveyone how's your night going? Me? I'm currently just on my bed staring at the ceiling wishing i had someone to hold and vise versa. i wish someone was holding me. I just want someone to love and give love too. Some people may say what about your family?? Look that's a whole can of worms i would rather not get into but no. Besides this isn't family love it's more like love, love know what i mean? Like love for a person not just because there your family but because you appreciate them and love them for who they are and how much they make you happy & smile. That type of love. I feel like I was actually born at the wrong time or wrong universe...cause i don't like the younger generation the older generation are just people who refuse to learn anything new or change there old ass ways and our current generation aka mine (I'm 22 btw ;-;) are just so brain dead makes me ashamed I was born around the same time as them. Well anyways here's another song or songs from my personal playlist enjoy. https://youtu.be/qoVHupBCTMY For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2930,"Title: how to deal with moderate sexual harassment at work Text: Ive had a few jobs over the years and had to deal with issues maybe im to sensitive but they caused me lot of pain and anger. Very inappropriate people or bullying intentionally. I dont think this can always be prevented these types of people everywhere but advice how to deal with them please. Some examples. 1. got a job in restaurant couple chefs were pretty nasty guys one out of prison, I could tell they took a dislike to me as they thought I was above them being educated and all (though they dont even know truth about my working class upbringings) anwyay to the point. theyd ask me stuff in front of other staff are you a virgin? when did you last have sex? Would u fcuk that waitress (in front of her)? etc..stuff like that. Obviously they wanted to make a fool of me. What best do? I just played up with them and make joke out of it but honestly i shouldnt even entertained them. 2. Another job, I had been unwell and was looking a bit shabby and not feeling so confident so quite within myself. The boss obviously saw this and thought this was how i normally am. I guess he thought he was trying to ""help"" me. Obviously thinking I dont interact with women due to way i was looking etc and making the wrong judgement that I should and interfering. he would constantly say things like ""I have 3 children. I made love to my wife 3 times."" or point out women outside the shop. ""look theirs women over there!"" things like that. Again I understand i think he thought he was trying to help but this was really inappropriate and annoying. Making me depressed and uncomfortable at the job. ​ Whats thoughts on these scenarios and how to deal with them. I guess its minor compared to what many experience but im a private guy and dont like discuss such things with anyone nevermind strangers at work being rude etc. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 2931,"Title: 25 days clean and struggling more than ever Text: i have OCD and severe depression. i’ve self harmed almost every day for the past 5 years. i’m addicted to self harm in the way others are addicted to smoking - i get nothing from self harming, it just makes me stop wanting to hurt myself for a short while. over the past 25 days my life has gotten significantly worse. i’ve lost my grandmother; i’ve been kicked out of college; all but 2 of my friends have confessed that they have never actually liked me and just felt sorry for me so strung me along; and i’m having constant arguments with my parents. i cant stop thinking about cutting myself. i try and distract myself but that fucking urge wont go away. i’ve tried almost every alternative method on google and nothing does it for me. i need to hurt myself i can’t do this shit. i hate pretty much everything. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2932,"Title: is vaginal fingering classified as rape? Text: my (now ex) boyfriend fingered me without my consent- i was completely frozen the whole time. i’m not sure if i’m allowed to call this rape? is rape defined as just penis in vagina…. or is it defined as penetration of any kind? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2933,"Title: Am I broken? Text: I was raped as a child and now I'm turned on by rape fantasies with myself as the victim. Is it wrong or weird, I feel really guilty and shameful about it. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 2934,"Title: I'm not going to make it Text: The only thing keeping me going is all this guilt about leaving my kids. My daughter is in my bed right now. All I keep feeling is hopelessness and so much guilt. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2935,"Title: [vent] 8.5 months clean, but have covid and super triggered by it Text: i feel so worthless and stupid. it’s my fault (even though i always wear a mask unless i’m at home or outside). i should die for this. or at least cut. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 2936,"Title: Just yeeted and it’s only been like 4 days since the last one Text: Thanks Mother for being an utter psychopath once again and ruining my day. It’s rlly weird tho bc my weapon is sharp enough to make injuries that are deeper than a scratch but not deep enough to be a cut so the blood just sits there instead of pouring out which makes me feel like the wounds aren’t good enough For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2937,"Title: I left my abusive relationship and I am free. Text: In reality he blocked me, he left me. But I chose to word it like this, I left him. I didn’t lose him HE lost me, he will never find someone like me, someone who will put up with his crap, someone who will deal with his bull, the hitting, the tantrums, none of it. I left him, I broke up with him. And I will always remember this, I made it out. He blocked me and left me over a small argument, he would’ve came back a few days later but this time I felt the urge to talk to his ex it turns out he did this to her too. He would lie and put on a mask and mirror the girls he was with. He didn’t even know who he was, I wasn’t mourning a breakup I was mourning someone who never existed, who I WANTED to existed. And once I got that through my head I felt better. Of course I may cry tomorrow or the next day but I will never go back to a man who beat me while I was pregnant, after my graduation, and even almost left his own child. That abortion was a blessing in disguise, and him blocking me was a blessing. I (18 year old female) left my abusive and I am free. And no man no matter what will ever take this from me, no man will ever take myself from me no matter what. And whenever I find myself missing him I’ll read this over and over and over. He freed me. I reported him to the police and he was arrested, and our trial starts in September me and his ex are going together! I did this with the help of my friends and family and so can you :) I want you all to remember, your abuser doesn’t love you. He doesn’t care for you, he cares for whatever you provide him until he finds someone else. He cares for the access. He cares for the money. He cares for the comfort. He does not love you. He only comes back when he cannot find better, or he needs that same routine. There’s no excuse, he did it on purpose. He didn’t do it on accident. He didn’t do it because of others. He hit you because he wanted to. And that’s not nobody’s fault but HIS. You are not alone and never will be! If anyone needs a voice or shoulder please dm me. I plan on travelling the U.S while I’m in online school, I plan on doing everything I said I would without him and do what I promised myself I would do without him. I plan on learning languages, therapy, loving myself, getting a job. I’m moving on for good. I hope to see some of you here too! And too ******* you didn’t break anyone but yourself, you lost me and that’s your biggest regret ever. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2938,"Title: cut myself for the first time , what should i do ? Text: Well, i just cut myself for the first time , now im just worried cause i dont know what do at all to prevent infection or something that im not aware of . what should i do ? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2939,"Title: I want to die but don't want to kill myself Text: Therapist says I'm being too extreme but honestly, I'm just too average at everything to be happy with myself. I'm too dumb to get any of the jobs I want to actually have and I'm too smart to be able to settle for something menial and be fufilled. I'm not depressed enough to need serious intervention but I'm not stable enough to be truly without it. I'm average at everything or worse. I can never achieve what I want to because i am simply not intelligent enough. I don't even have the will power to end everything. I'm just pathetic and weak. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2940,"Title: DAE personify their self-harm? Text: When I think about my self-harm (only for my cuts, not for the other forms of SH), I tend to consider it as a whole person. And when I'm overthinking, I have a ""conversation"" with the personification of my SH. It's kind of like I ""coexist"" with my SH, as if they were a real (in my head) and different person than me. I know it sounds weird but I have no idea how to say it. I hope I'm not alone on this because otherwise I would be such a weirdo. 😭 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2941,"Title: why do self harmers prefer hand sanitizer over washing their hands? Text: they don’t have to roll up their sleeves. Sorry about the joke but sometimes it’s better to laugh then cry about it :)) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2942,"Title: i’m so lonely , i have no quality of life , and i can’t do this anymore Text: i picked a date and that’s when i’ll get it done . i don’t want to keep doing this . i feel like a corpse being dragged through life with a rope around my neck . i’m so lonely , i have no friends . my siblings aren’t traumatized failures like me , they’re busy having lives and i don’t want to interrupt that . i’m nothing , i’ll always be nothing . i never should have been born . i’m tired , i’m so tired of it all . i hate myself . i hate that i have bpd and cptsd because my parents couldn’t fucking get it together before they had kids , because they were never meant to have kids . they’re not and never were fit to be parents . yet they did this to me . and ow im to blame for it all because im an adult now . i want to be in a coffin , i’ve been trying for so long and failed so many times . i don’t care though , im going to try again . im going to cover my bases this time . im not doing this anymore . im done . no replies needed , thank you . thank you for letting me get this out of my brain . it’s loud in there and i just needed to get it out . For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2943,"Title: Self harm no matter the reason is still self harm and still should be taken seriously Text: If someone goes as far as self harming to get attention it’s not “fake” or any less bad than other people’s reasons. If someone goes as far as self harm that means there is something that is going wrong. People going around saying “Oh they do it for attention “ is like saying “The floor here is made out of floor”. There can be so many reasons why someone is self harming and wanting attention is one of them. It’s not “invalid” self harm just because they don’t do it for the reason you do. I just needed to say this! And if you are self harming and need one to talk or someone there to listen you , dm me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2944,"Title: I’m feeling so down right now ; ( Text: Would anyone like to chat? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2945,"Title: He's been gone 8 days Text: I finally got him out. I can leave for work any time in the morning without hearing I'm leaving early to meet someone. I can have a clean room. I 'm not getting called names because he drank all day and is drunk when I get home. My kids aren't on edge. I already paid all the bills myself. I have him blocked on everything but why do I unblock him, thinking he will be nice just to be getting accused of kicking him out because there's someone else I want, so I block him again. He has a differed domestic violence charge so he's scared to come around because he will get in trouble. I should have never dropped the no contact order. I got this. I know it. It feels different this time. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2946,"Title: Hi, at what point will my arm become less „efficient”? Text: I only cut on one arm, nothinng deeper than the dermis, but I do have a lot of wounds, some of the deep enough to be gaping and stuff. I’m kind of afraid that it will become less functional if that makes sense, like slower, weaker etc. because of the damage, since I’ve already noticed it can’t „keep up” sometimes. Not the basic stuff, but very fast paced movement and reflexes. I wouldn’t care, but one of the only things left that I’m able to bring myself to do is playing video games, which kinda requires using your hands quickly enough. I’m very grateful for everyone that chooses to answer, please have a very good day. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2947,"Title: I need a way to get money so I can leave with my son and pay first months rent. Resources? Help? Text: Financial Assistance for Dv victims &/or single moms? I need out. I thought I had time to go with my plan of saving up to leave. But the relationship is getting worse. I need out sooner. Asap. But ive been a stay at home mom, we got approved for a new place close to my parents, we have a new car. My name is primary on both, but he is listed as well. We are suppose to move into the new place Sep 1st. I want to move without him and take the car for me and my 5mo old. But i will need to be able to pay $950 by Sep 1st and pay $417 for the first car note by myself. My parents have helped a lot and are unable to help financially for this. If i get up and leave now, with no money yet, i will lose the new place and the car and my credit will be destroyed. I’m working on my credit for me & my son. So we can have a nice place and a vehicle. If i lose the car, i will have no way to get my son to the sitter so i can work. The BEST route if possible is to get this first rent and car note paid somehow and secure a job asap. Ive been applying to jobs that are remote, no luck yet. For a physical job, i would need to wait until we move. No point in getting hired on somewhere over here when ill be gone in a week or so. If i stay with him just long enough to get us moved into the new place, then the first rent and car note will be paid by him, and at least that gives me a month to work and get money together. But i dont know if that option will work. Whats a way I can get fast money given my situation? Any assistance program for this? or loans i could get approved for? my credit is fair, but no income to show since i am a stay at home mom. TL;DR in need of fast money to pay first months rent and car note so i can leave this relationship asap. Im trying everything i can to leave without losing the car and the new place for my son. Rent is $950 and car note is $417. I need financial help from the state if possible, are there any programs i can qualify for? Or any other ways to make fast money? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 2948,"Title: Need help with my life Text: Hi people, I'm really struggling mentally, while ago I had really tough time with one girl and since then I got anxiety and sort of depression... I kind of got rid of anxiety and depression but last week it return because of the lift situation - money and college.. I'm 21 and I have bunch of bad habits which are making me feel bad and I can't control myself. I started smoking after the situation with that girl and haven't stopped since then... I'm spending a lot of money on things that are bad like sugar products, cigarettes, fast food and that leads to bad habits... I want to travel home for Christmas but and anxiety hits here because I don't know if I will get holiday permission from the work or am I going to have enough money.... I didn't study for whole semester and exams are around the corner... I want to build new habits but I feel that it is overwhelming for me and I just can't do that, literally my days look all the same wake up around 10 drink coffee skip classes and lay down in the bed sometimes I'd go somewhere for a walk or something but that's it in general.. That's frustrating for me since I want to achieve something bigger like I want to be entrepreneur and be financially independent but whatever I try I feel like it's worthless and I can't do it for a long term I've started going to the gym as well but it worked for 2 weeks because I'm kind of afraid.. I had to hand some documentation for my recent holiday and I felt overwhelmed and ""scared"" because I didn't know if it will work so I postponed it for quite some time and when it was already to late anxiety hits.... I've red some self-help book but they don't seem to be working since everything is overwhelming for me I kind of lost the motivation for studies etc... Is there anyone who could help me and give any advices? I really need it... I don't know where to look what to do or how to start over again... Thank you in advance people (This is not my main account for reddit I'm having a new one since i have multiple friends and I don't want them to know about this, thanks for understanding) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2949,"Title: why does my chest hurt so bad Text: im tryijg not to think about her but like it physically hurts and i don’t even have an appetite. i worked so hard to get my dream body and now these are the type of girls i attract. ones who just use me. i want to end it all. idk if i can take it much longer For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2950,"Title: The anniversary of my rape is on monday and im getting more and more anxious and depressed and im alone and no one cares Text: Yup thats it. No one remembers or cares. Ive tried but it doesnt matter. I do not matter. Im not suicidal but this time of year really sucks for me. Im trying to keep busy but every second of down time im depressed and anxious like its about to happen again. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2951,"Title: I cut myself due to boredom WTF IS WRONG WITH ME ? Text: Today wasn't that bad no one hit me or abused me but why tf did I cut myself??? I broke my masterbation streaks then SH While cutting ,my inner voice said ""Stop stop stop !!!!! You're at day 10"" Also my inner voice ""do it it's just day 10 you'll reach it again"" , and again ""nooo dumbass stop it"" And I've ended up cutting myself deeply and im bleeding rn Fuck I gotta clean up I hate myself why did I do it whyyyyyy whyyyy oh mannn I wanna cry rn For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2952,"Title: When you come to the conclusion that suicide is logical. Text: Nobody can help me. At this point I just want the suffering to stop. Everything I do is not enough. I feel horrible and suffocating in my own thoughts every day. How disgusting I am, how unlovable I am, how unworthy. I can't do this any longer. This is simply not enough to justify existing For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2953,"Title: I think I just need to get everything out all at once before I...do something. Text: My name is Daniel, I'm about to turn 16 and I've been self harming for a little under two years. It started out as me trying to almost fit in, I thought for some reason maybe if I did this I would feel better about myself. Like it was cool or something. I don't know why. After that, I became pretty depressed after my friend kind of stabbed me in the back. She was as really the only person I could talk to freely and who I thought would understand, but after that whole situation I couldnt lol look at her or anything. I started off cutting with the smaller razors out of a razor, like one of those manual ones yknow, but eventually I bought actual razor blades and cut with those. But yeah I cut frequently and consistently for a little over a year until I eventually tried to quit, and started working out. I again, thought this would make me feel better, which it did for a while, but eventually I would just finish a workout, and then sit on my bed exhausted feeling depressed anyways. Kind of laid off the workouts and started going back into a shitty cycle of eating shit, dressing like shit, having mini panic attacks and crying to myself at night. I did get better, and I recently went through this amazing period of time where I made a bunch of friends and became a part of an actual like, friend group, where I finally felt like I belonged. Made some wardrobe changes, started working out again, and my confidence went way up. But as of October, I've just started feeling really suicidal. I mean, I've put a gun to my head like three times, but I decided I would kill myself on my birthday instead. Tonight I cut up my forearms a lot, and I just wore my last long sleeve too. I also found out something very very enlightening I guess you could say. I repressed years of memories of my grandpa abusing me. My grandpa used to pick me up by me shirt, when I was like 9 or 10, and slam me against the wall and yell at me. He used to beat me with his belt, and he had a drinking problem. I just recently realised this when my friend showed me a poem she wrote about her experiences with abuse. I dont know what to do. I think I might actually kill myself. I dont wanna be alone. I dont wanna be alive. I don't wanna be me. I just want to lay down and die. Goddamn it why does it have to be me. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_active_ongoing, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 2954,"Title: I’m sry mom Text: For years I’ve had kinda of a non con fantasy. (Be getting raped NOT raping someone else) Ik it’s fucked up and I have no intentions on acting on it. well my mother passed a few weeks ago. She was known for keeping a diary and had been keeping one from age 27 till the day she died. Well in her will they went to me and my 2 brothers. She was raped. By my dad all her life. She never wanted kids. This rly hurt me. All my life she had been a loving and supportive mom. I never had any idea she didnt want us. Now I just can’t fantasize like I used to. Even having sex just doesn’t feel the same. I just don’t know what to do. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2955,"Title: Drunken Pizza Creep Text: Originally posted on Let's Not Meet, but got removed so here goes .... This happened when I was 19 (so about ten years ago). I was working at a Mountain Mike's Pizza. We had a lunch buffet and served the usual beer and wine (please note this it will come in majorly in the story later). I was a sign spinner/dish washer at the time which meant I spent half my shift outside dancing around with a sign to advertise our deals and our buffet and the other half inside washing dishes. We had regulars who of course would become recognizable to the staff and vice versa. So if you were one of these regulars even if you weren't aware of my name, you'd seen me around the restaurant and know if was there you'd know I was a dishwasher and sign spinner. We had a regular (middle aged gentleman around fortyish, with a beer gut, and who generally reeked of alcohol and weed) who would come in Mon-Fri during our lunch buffets and order two pitchers (not mugs, but full pitchers) of beer and drink all of it himself. Which usually resulted in him becoming drunk. He'd never spoken to me though so I wasn't aware he was a problem until this day. I started my shift outside (as per usual) on the corner dancing around with my sign. At this time (and I'm thankful this happened) my best friend called me. I usually didn't answer my phone at work, but that day for some reason I just couldn't resist. We had our five minutes or so of planning that I would come to her place after work when this regular passed by me on his bike. Let me tell you I was about 5-10 feet away and I could SMELL the alcohol and weed on this dude! He stopped a few feet from me and then backed up to where I was and began yelling at me. ""How is anyone going to see the sign if you're not holding it up!"" He told me. ""You're not doing your job if you're on the phone, stupid!"" I told my friend I had to go, but she refused to let me hangup. So I took my phone away from my ear and began to apologize to this man. (What for I don't know... As I don't feel it was his business.) I couldn't even get the full sentence out before he starts laughing in my face and tells me ""Aaahhhhh!!! I was just kidding! You're good!"" I then told him have a nice day and went to check in with my friend on the phone when he said ""Don't ignore me, I'm talking to you!"" I took my friend away from my ear yet again and let him know I was trying to get off the phone to go back to work and to have a nice day. He flat out acted like I hadn't told him this and only responded with ""I bought a mother's day card for my mom do you want to sign it?"" I decided to try and ignore him for real and he got irritated and said ""sign my mother's day card! You're my girlfriend!"" Me being dumb responded with I'm sorry I'm not your girlfriend and I don't know you or your mother so I won't sign the card. He started laughing and walked towards me with open arms and puckered mouth like he was going to hug and kiss me. I grabbed his bike and put it between us and screamed at him to get on his bike and go away (at this point I'd dropped my phone my friend hadn't hung up so she could hear if I was okay and used her dad's phone to call the pizza place). The man began pleading for ""just a little kiss... You're my woman!"" Before I knew three of my male coworkers rounded the corner and basically ambushed the man. They were telling him things like to leave and that they'd called the cops. This also resulted in this dude getting permanently banned from our restaurant. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 2956,"Title: I can't do it anymore Text: I'm so tired and sick of living in pain every fucking day. No matter how many fucking times I hear ""it'll get better"" ""go talk to someone"" ""i know its bad right now but just give it time"" it doesn't work. none of it works. It does not get better. I want this to end. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2957,"Title: Did anyone struggle with extreme paranoia once they left, that lasted MONTHS to a year before improving? Text: Left him may 17th 2019, and every now and then I get these paranoid thoughts that I’m not safe (because I’m so used to being in danger) I can’t tell if this is from the trauma or if it’s caused by something else. The thoughts include feeling followed, feeling like he can hear me, etc Edit: thank you to everyone who responded so far. It feels so assuring to know this is a normal response to trauma :( I’m sorry I haven’t replied individually just kind of in shock but relief to know it gets better eventually For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2958,"Title: Guy made me suck his dick when I was 4 Text: Alright here we go, I’m currently a 13 year old boy and this story takes place 9 years back, My mom left me with at my babysitters house after school and went back to work. I did my homework and went outside to play with my babysitters daughter, there was a family friend over at the babysitters house and he was sitting in the garage doing nothing, my babysitter was in the house doing whatever and me and her daughter were outside, we were playing on the trampoline and her daughter suggested we played sword fighting with pool noodles and I accepted thinking it was pretty fun. While playing I hit the daughters arm with a pool noodle and the daughter told the family friend who was in the garage he told me not to hurt the daughter (even though it was her idea to play sword fighting) so he kept scolding and then he unzipped his pants and told me to suck his dick, me not knowing what it was did it and I don’t remember if he nutted inside my mouth but it was bad either way, the worst part was telling my mom a few years later because she thought it was all her fault for leaving me with the babysitter, I’m to scared to talk about this with my friends so I’m glad I got to post this on reddit and talk with other redditors For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 2959,"Title: Hate pretending there used to be progress Text: Hi. Just really need to vent. That's why we're all here. I'm sick of pretending that anything has ever been better. I used to do this pretty intense therapy program, then I graduated, then I had to go back to the program. Now I'm out again because I got kicked out. And everyone tries to talk about how much I improved to try to motivate me. No one GETS IT. I've never gotten better. The reason I graduated the first time was literally mostly because I had been around there a while and they didn't think there were anymore skills I could learn. I hate it, hate it, hate it. It's just been pretty bad for a while, and I have literally no reason to think it'll get better. Idk, just random thoughts :( For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2960,"Title: Me ex saw my cuts and scars and she kissed them. I feel so happy right now. Text: (To clarify the situation. She is an ex because we want different things in life but we still care about each other and we are doing very good as friends) She knew i cut myself and asked me to show her the cuts and after some mental preparation i did and she took my arm and caressed and kissed the cuts and scars. After that and she gave me a kiss on the cheek and because I hadn't felt that nice for a long time i started crying and she made me promise to try and get better for my sake. As a start i think that is difficult but she actually made me want to stop cutting because i now know that my actions can have consequences on her as well. It may be a small start but it's a start. Baby steps For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2961,"Title: Another morning, Another day of wanting to kill myself Text: It's been years now...... For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2962,"Title: Three years later, I'm finally accepting that I was sexually harassed. I don't know what to do next or who to talk to about it. Text: In 2017, while working in a summer camp in Spain, I was continuously sexually harassed by a colleague/close friend of mine over a period of six weeks. I was a 21 year old man, she was a 20 year old woman. At the time, and in the years that have followed, I would constantly play down what happened to me, and have literally never told anyone about it. It is only now, in 2020, that I can look back on everything and say with certainty that yes, I was sexually harassed. What happened was not normal or acceptable in any work environment. The thing is, now that I have accepted this, I don't know what to do about it. It feels weird and random to bring it up three full years after it happened, but at the same time it feels like I am experiencing the emotional trauma all over again after I ignored it for so long. I think I am ready to talk about it openly, but who should I talk to? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 2963,"Title: Why does a victim watch porn of that kind? Text: I‘m using a throwaway because i don‘t want people to come to any conclusion about my identity. English is not my first language so please forgive me for my bad grammar, I hope I can get my point across. I‘ve met a woman a few month ago and since about two month we’re dating. A few days after we started dating she sat me down and talked to me about her trauma. She was sexually assaulted multiple times during her life and warned me about certain triggers she has, she’s in therapy for about 7 years now and she’s coping quite ok I think. A few days back we talked with a few glasses of wine and stumbled upon the topic of porn. As you probably can guess from the title, she used to masturbate to rape porn quite frequently, mostly hentai but some „real“ stuff as well. I really got caught off guard by that and ever since I keep thinking about it. She stopped a few month ago because she always feels terrible afterwards but she can’t help herself to get off to these kind of videos. I can’t wrap my head around it and she doesn’t know why she gets turned on by these videos, that’s why I’m asking here, maybe you guys can help me explain this kind of behavior? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2964,"Title: ""promise me you won't cut again"" Text: this is honestly one of the worst things you can say to someone who is cutting , it only makes them feel more guilty for self harming. I hate this phrase because along with the hate I have for my SH I now have guilt that I was forced to promise you I wouldn't do it again and I have to deal with your dissapointment when you find out I'm still SH. this phrase is absolute bull shit. edit:this blew up a lot if you want to see more stupid phrases people say to self harmers follow me :) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2965,"Title: I feel like somebody else controls my life/mind Text: I feel like a former friend controls my life. Not so much controls it but wants to fuck it all up for revenge. And the control of it thing is just to fuck with my head. His father is some psychology grifter that uses an e-meter to counsel christians. Scientologists use those to implant false memories and former Scientologists say they are addictive. It’s not that I let them live rent free in my head. It’s more like they broke in and are squatting in my head. I was in school for philosophy and now I can’t think. But it’s always like I’m disallowed from thinking, by some random person! Like I’m dangerous, a person who wants to “suppress religion.” In school I was into politics, metaphysics, consciousness, and strict materialism. I miraculously managed to graduate even after losing my philosophy mojo big time. And the year I graduate this guy and his brother enroll. They both dropped out as freshmen their first time. They got loans somehow and went for physics and psychology. The former friend in physics and his older brother in psychology. How convenient that my guy king chops for those exact things are gone, fucking into the ether. I figure the brother is gonna carry on the grift, and to new heights of legitimacy. And the other guy is gonna sit my neck with his debt, mortality and the concept of a creator god. It’s fucking messing me up though. I feel robbed and at the same time I feel like they made a target out of me. I see exactly how they pulled this off too. It depends on seeing atheists like rapists. The guy never was my friend, I think looking back. He knew I was talking to his ex and got close to me. I didn’t realized and we stayed friends for yeas. Eventually he cheated with my girlfriend. I think that was a plan of his. But all this comes from the grift and goes back into their grift. And it’s freaky, man. How they get power out of that by doing this to an atheist. This plan playing out since I was 13, taking half my lifetime. Now I have a lot more psychological issues than most, and I attribute them to this family. I struggle with my identity and finding place. I lost all my self confidence. I look back and I see them as the reason for my being chronically bullied from a young age. I need to stop placing them so consciously in things. I can’t put them behind every discriminatory micro aggression. It gives them power. I can’t believe their “morals” are why I can’t get pleasure where I used to. But I bet that’s fucking it, 100%! It’s such a hall of mirrors and I really can’t get the help I need from the professionals I see. We both run into the walls. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2966,"Title: did i relapse? Text: lately i’ve been working out more but i’m starting to think i’m doing it as a way of self harm. whenever i’m doing something that physically hurts i tell myself “you deserve to feel this pain because *insert things i hate about myself lol*” is this self harm? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2967,"Title: Is This Harassment? Text: I [19FTM] have just started a new job recently. I love what I do, but there is something putting a tamper on that enjoyment. At the time I am 28 weeks pregnant and I am used to being judged by those who are older and even my own age group because I am so young. Not to mention being a single parent. I have to wear scrubs for this job and it hides my belly pretty well. You really have to look in order to notice. Well, I started the job a couple days ago. It was a pretty big deal to me because it was my way of getting past my depression, anxiety, and doing what I need to for my baby and myself. I love the job, my coworkers, and those I help in my day. One thing has bothered me and really made me uncomfortable because I have a really dark past of being sexually assaulted and I have a hard time taking jokes involving sex. I don't like them constantly directed towards me. I can handle a few, but after a while it gets to be too much. My job also doesn't know I am transgender, which is personal to me and I have to misgender myself until I go through the name change and everything. I don't really want to out myself just yet until I get to know how these people feel about me and I know them more. I met the maintenance guy, around mid to late 60's I don't know for sure, and he didn't know I was pregnant. Only my boss and the lady I spoke to in the interview. Word spread and a lot of people asked about my baby. The maintenance guy did overhear a comment from a coworker, which sparked his inappropriate comments and very invasive questions. I laughed off a few, but I didn't feel alright with what was being said to me. Especially coming from someone I didn't know or knew me at all.. The guy asked for my age before knowing I was pregnant, which isn't that weird because a lot of people asked me. He asked me after the fact he found out I was pregnant how that happens. Some of the ladies told him he is an adult and should know. I laughed and said I swallowed a watermelon seed. Just that joke, nothing gross.. He then asks me; ""Was it a big seed or little seed?"" ""Black seed or white seed?"" I had been taken back by this question and felt really uncomfortable with it. He asks me every time I walk by him if I figured out how I got pregnant yet, to which I always either ignore or I tell him that I don't know. I even stated immaculate conception, which was to give him a hint that I was done. I don't joke like that too much because I don't want anyone to get hurt feelings about it. I hate to hurt others feelings. The guy scoffed. He has asked me if my mom and dad (dad isn't in the picture at all and only father figure I will ever call dad is deceased) ever told me about sex. This was in a really none joking tone. Really rubbed me the wrong way, but it could be my hormones and emotions being funny. He keeps telling me he will make me work this baby out, which I have told him I cannot have my baby this early or else he could end up dying. I don't appreciate jokes like this either because it really bothers me when people joke about harming my baby, or causing harm to me and the baby. It makes me emotional and stressed because of something happening to me in my first trimester. I love the job, but this guy is making me uncomfortable and I don't know if this is just my emotions or hormones being crazy. Or if I am getting mixed up signals. The guy is married by the way and does this to the other young women and older women. They say not to take it personally, but this to me seems super unprofessional. They also don't really say anything about it if it happens to me or others. Is this harassment?? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 2968,"Title: Rape is worse then death. Text: OMG I'M really sorry and I really hope I don't cause anyone more horrible pain and flashbacks and nightmares and anxiety that i go thru. But honestly, sometimes i wish they just killed me then the horrible gross things they did to me. Do they have any idea how much they devastated my life? Do they even care? Does anyone? JUST WANT IT ALL GONE SO BAD 😢 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 2969,"Title: They've all been rape Text: I realized today that every time I've had sex with a guy that it's been because I was getting raped. It's happened 3 times so far and idk if I'm just putting myself in bad places and that's why I'm getting used by guys or what's going on. I've had sexual relationships with women and some of my best friends are guys but as far as sexual history with guys goes it's always been me getting violently raped. Some other events could probably be considered SA since I don't really know the difference between SA and rape but it was just a super weird thing to realize today while I was at my brother's soccer game. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2970,"Title: I think my best friend is either attracted to my rapist or turned on by my rape Text: Me and my best friend recently confided in each other. I told her all the details of my rape and I told her who raped me. Ever since then she’s been acting weird. She will randomly bring my rape and my rapist up in conversation. She said that my case “intrigues” her. Whatever that means. She was also gonna start asking our mutual friends who know him questions about him. She said she wants to put him behind bars and I literally had to ask her multiple times to stay out of it. I don’t know about this. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2971,"Title: why am i proud of reaching the fat level? Text: this was my first time doing it so deep and some sick way i am actually very proud if that cut. has someone else had this same experience? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2972,"Title: My rapist plays in the NFL. I’ll never get justice for myself, but I’m going to get it for other survivors. Text: I was sexually assaulted while I was in university and got fucked over by my school’s Title IX office. My rapist went on to get drafted by the NFL and is currently experiencing a very lucrative career. I know that I won’t ever be able to get justice for myself, but what he doesn’t know is that he didn’t break me. He lit a fire under my ass to go to law school, become an attorney, and prosecute pieces of shit like him. I’ll never know what it feels like to know your abuser is behind bars and not walking around freely, but dammit I’m going to help other survivors be able to feel that security. I will be part of the push to take power-based personal violence seriously. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 2973,"Title: A small vent Text: I really fucked up today. I missed my alarm and ended up sleeping in, and my mother got pissed and came to wake me up and scream at me a bit. The problem was that while I was asleep, my shirt sleeve got rolled up, all the scars on my tricep were visible, and my mother saw them. She immediately started asking me about them, and I kinda panicked and just denied everything. Surprisingly, she didn't really think they were SH scars, she instead just started yelling at me for ""taking drugs"" and calling me a ""dirty animal who's ruining his body"", and started lamenting about how miserable I make her. I mean I'm glad she didn't ask if I SH or anything, but I dunno, I still feel hella hurt by the crap she said. Part of me wishes I had just told her what they really were, but I know that would've just messed things up even more for me. Sorry for this vent, and sorry if this isn't the right place for it. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 2974,"Title: I just took a ton of pills... Goodbye ig Text: I just took a ton of pills and am hoping they'll kill me in my sleep. I feel like I should be crying or writing some melodramatic note, but like everything else in my life it just feels underwhelming and boring. I don't feel anything when I consider the fact I'll probably be dead tomorrow. Im not worried about the few friends and family I have, nor any of my responsibilities in life. I just feel tired and bored. I'm watching some office for a last laugh, and then I think I'll sleep. To everyone on this subreddit, I hope you get better one day and don't follow my path. guess this is the end, goodbye reddit, you were fun. Thanks. Edit:Good morning, I feel like a total fool. I had a shit night's sleep, woke up multiple times shaky, dizzy, extremely nauseous and had all sorts of pains in my stomach and head. I feel the same now, but it's lessened. I guess I'll live. I feel like a right eejit for making this post and wasting everyone's time, sorry guys but thanks for the nice comments. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_past Question 2975,"Title: Learned in therapy Text: My therapist told me that the reason I push everyone away when I'm near or during a mental breakdown is because when I was a child I had no one to support me when I was vulnerable. It makes sense, my dad wasn't around much and because my mom was super religious her way of solving things was to pray it away. I had siblings but I had to be the strong one that was there for them, so I couldn't allow myself to be vulnerable around the lest the see me differently. With all the trauma I dealt with alone as a child, I learned to bury it inside and one I couldn't take it anymore, run away and sort out my emotions before I came back. Almost 40 and still doing it. My ex was really supportive more so than everyone but to let her in was to be more vulnerable than I had been with anyone in 30+ years of my life, so I pushed her away. I'm working on it. Hopefully I can change. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2976,"Title: Why do I keep having “good” dreams of my abusive ex? Text: I’ve been separated w/ no contact from my ex for two years now. Our relationship was horribly violent— both physically and mentally— and left me having to do a hard reset on my whole life. I left the relationship despising him, including filing a police report, reporting + expelling him from our university, and plans to take him to court for all he’s worth. I ended up stopping short at the court stuff because my depression became overwhelming. I gave up on most things in my life at that point. I’m in a better place now. I’m no longer stuck in a deep depression + functioning in my daily life with little emotional trouble. For the last few months though, I’ve begun having dreams with my ex in them. Some are neutral, others are “good”— in the sense that we are in a relationship or together somehow, and he is good to me. I don’t often have nightmares anymore. But now I have an abundance of dreams where he is the perfect partner, super kind to me, and in my dreams, makes me happy. He’s super kind, treats me well, takes me out places, and there’s sex involved too. Of course, the sex is good and healthy in my dreams, where it was not in real life. This is obviously very conflicting as this is not how I remember or think of him. My only guess as to why this is happening is because I really, desperately wanted him to be good to me. Now my brain is overcompensating for that by portraying him as such? I still find it very conflicting and troubling when I wake up. I am also bothered that I enjoy these dreams as I’m experiencing them, but wake up confused and disgusted. Does anyone else experience dreams like this? Any tips to make them stop? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2977,"Title: Im so fucking lost it hurts. Text: All night i've been laying on my bed with a knife to my side trying to muster up the courage to end it all but can't. I don't even know what's holding me back anymore, I've ruined literally everything. Most of my friendships, ruined. My relationships, ruined. Education, ruined. I somehow seem to mess up anything I come close to. I honestly see no reason to keep going on, I feel like there is nothing in this world that will make me feel satisfied. Yeah, I obviously can't keep living like this. I feel like everything around me is spinning rn and I cant think straight. My thoughts are being extremely loud and its making me feel like my head is about to explode. I wish there was a switch i can flip to end all this bs. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2978,"Title: What the fuck stops ruminating? Text: Oh my down time (which Is a lot) it never ends. Regret over weight, relationships, money, my dog, my current life, video games I never finished. I just want it to stop. Any tips would help. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2979,"Title: i am bored to the point of wanting to hurt myself. Text: contextually i have probable undiagnosed adhd. i am five days behind on classwork. i have an assignment that is about 80% done and i cannot for the life of me get the other 20% done. every time i look at it, i get more frustrated and angry. it is so excruciatingly boring and repetitive and i can't do it! instead i've been sitting here for three fucking hours standing up and pacing and hitting my desk over and over and over and over because this is such a simple task and it's just not clicking with me! my body feels tense and it HURTS how bored i am. i just want to relapse to relieve this tension; nothing i'm doing is helping at all. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2980,"Title: So uh I don’t know what to do here Text: I (M19) recently started a new job (Building Attendant, Basically a janitor), at a church cause I was tired of hostile work environments. Starting the job I sat through an entire course on sexual harassment so I know the other person did as well, but in like my first week I’m folding table cloths with my coworker (40-50ish F) and since she’s of Latin descent I speak Spanish with her every now and again and I was saying something was small and for whatever reason that made her think of the man she lost her virginity with in which in detail she told me the story directly after, this was just the first time after that about a week later she tells me about how she would let her husband do anal on her and how much she enjoyed it, and finally on how when they got divorced she bought a vibrator that she uses once a week, I didn’t initiate any of these conversations nor really participate in them other than just trying to hurry her along so I could get out of the situation but I didn’t say anything cause I didn’t wanna hurt anyones lively hood however I’m now unsure if I did the wrong thing I’m not saying anything but now I’m uncomfortable in my own church (sorry if that reads as a rant) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 2981,"Title: Can you make bigger scars fade? Text: for context i had a really intense relapse last year in 2021, i still regret it. the bigger-ish scars haven’t faded yet and they’re elevated. weirdly enough, sometimes they’re itchy. how can i help these fade away? people look at me weird and i’ve been reported for self harm when i was clean because of these scars. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 2982,"Title: Personal hygiene is exhausting with depression. Who can relate? Text: does anyone else feel absolutely exhausted trying to take a shower? i get breathless mid-way and my limbs basically feel like barbells, i always have to keel over to catch my breath. i know it’s not the heat because i shower with room-temp cold water. for something i’ve done every single day of my life with ease, now it feels like a marathon. not to mention brushing my hair and teeth in the morning too. can anyone else relate? has anyone managed to uncover hacks that make personal hygiene easier during depressive episodes? i’m fuckin exhausted man. 😩 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2983,"Title: Justifying your depression by self harming Text: Do you ever have the feeling where you can only justify your depression when you self harm and sometimes believe that there’s nothing wrong with you when you don’t cut. I always feel like “oh I’m not depressed, other people have it way worse than me”. I therefore have to cut to prove to myself that I DO feel bad. Maybe it’s just me, sorry 😞 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 2984,"Title: I was raped at 7 and I'll never know who my rapist is Text: I'm personally here just to tell my story. when I was 7 I went with my mom grocery shopping, it was at a harris teeter. I was in the candy isle trying to get my favorite candy , I still remember it was a hershey's. my mom was 2 isle's away from me shopping for dry foods. suddenly an employee walked up to me interrupting my focus on the candies. he said ""are you lost?"" me not knowing my mom was 2 isle's away I replied ""yes"". he replied with ""do you want to find your mom? I can help you."" I was anxious that I lost my mom in a huge ass store so I agreed to follow him. he was extremely excited which looking back is was already suspicious. he lead me towards the employee only area. I was confused and asked ""is she in there?"" he tried to reassure me by saying ""yes"" I brushed it off then kept following him. he lead me to the bathrooms inside the employee's only area. I was confused not only because it was empty and idk how my mom would've gotten here. I was also confused because he lead me to the mens bathroom. I still followed. he put me in a stall and locked it. I said ""wheres my mama?"" and he said ""don't worry she's coming"" I believed him. he then started to unzip his pants and I was confused but I stayed quiet. he then told me to pull my pants down then lift my dress up. I was scared so I obeyed. then ***it*** happened. I was in shock he just left me there. I couldn't process it I was bleeding a bit so I wiped it then tried to find my way out the employee area. I found the exit and walked through. then a patrolling officer asked me why I was in there and I didn't know what to say so I just said ""I got lost and walked here"". he asked me where my mom was, I finally saw her so I pointed towards her. he then told me to go to her so I walked up to her and grabbed her as hard as I could. I couldn't even cry, I couldn't scream, I couldn't be mad I was just left.... blank. after my mom finished her shopping we went to the cashier to ring our stuff up. as I left the store I saw him one more time, this time smiling at me. I've never felt such horror, disgust, and sadness. I immediately asked to shower I felt so dirty, hopeless, worthless. I'm 14 now, it's been 7 years it still haunts I'll never forget and I'll never know who my rapist is because he quit the next time I went. I guess this is something good because I'll never get to see him again. oh btw nobody knows except my sister and some of my friends. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","rape_past, childabuse_endangerment_past" Question 2985,"Title: My friend Text: I met a friend of my cousin tonight. Im a guy she is a 31 year old girl with a 9 year old son. She spent two full hours talking about how absolutely mentally/emotionally abusive this guy is. Like some of the most manipulative stuff ive ever heard.Hes like 51. 20 years older than her.Apparently he has a criminal record with domestic abuse on it. She said he has never actually touched her but that it has been escalating. He lives at her apartment and she has told him he has to move out a number of times. He wont listen. I have never heard of such an abusive situation. He deals drugs for a living and is on disability and ebt. She is very very scared to make a move and is hesitant to bring the law into the situation. I honestly believe she will do nothing. How can i help. I barely know this person. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2986,"Title: Can feel myself slipping Text: Not sure what I want out of making this post, maybe just venting idk. But I feel so frustrated with the way my mental health is and all I want to do is withdraw from everyone. Since April/May I’ve been so disinterested in everything that used to give me joy, and it’s just started to trickle into my social skills. I hate feeling this way For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2987,"Title: life after leaving abuse Text: Recently I finally left my abusive relationship, probably about over a month ago now. I considered him my first real love, we were together from the time I was 17 until now, I am now 19. He had all the classic traits of a narcissist and was violent often. It took me a long time to realize how brainwashed he made me and how often he manipulated me, I thought that was just the way things would forever be for me, and that I am just unlovable. Now that I am out of it I’ve been spending a lot of time with new people and honestly just doing whatever I want with no feelings attached. Recently I met a boy I actually really like, he is sweet and funny and is my exact sort of dream boy. We spent the night together and nothing even sexual happened, we just cuddled and he held me and told me how beautiful I am and we laughed all night. I didn’t think I could have any sort of emotional connection to a boy again after this, but I feel like I do. My problem is because of the abuse I endured I can not believe anyone is capable of loving me, like there is something inherently wrong with me. I am scared to let someone in again, and I am scared I am too broken and fucked up now to love. I’m not sure if that feeling ever goes away after leaving abuse, or if you’re just constantly scared of who will be the next man who ends up hitting me. I feel like my brain is still on defense mode because of him and I wish so badly it would stop. Does anyone have any advice on how to not be scared? His abuse changed my perspective so much but I still crave love/intimacy so badly, but how do you emotionally trust anyone ever again after abuse? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2988,"Title: Was I harassed, assaulted or neither? Text: I had an experience last year that I've recently began being more open about, but I haven't been able to shake the uncertainty of what it was that happened. It might be societal conditioning making me gaslight myself, but getting an opinion outside that of my family and friends might help me understand it better. If anyone can give me some advice, I would be really grateful. Also, sorry in advance if my English is weird, it's my second language. Just over a year ago, I got on a bus heading to music festival in a nearby city. For a lot of the ride, the bus was quite crowded so pushing against other people when passengers wanted to embark or disembark was unavoidable. Half way through the drive, a man got on the bus and stood a short distance behind me. I was holding onto the metal pole to the right of the door in the middle of the bus while he was standing to the left of the door. The driver was having passengers swipe their bus card in the front of the bus and board from the middle door, which happens when the bus gets too full. When the next passengers boarded the bus, this man pushed himself onto me, with both of his hands on the pole I was holding. Since it was a crowded bus I didn't think anything of it. At the next stop, some passengers from the back wanted to get off the bus and again he pushed himself onto me, this time more forcefully. At this point I started feeling like something was up because of the force with which he pushed onto me, the fact that his hands around the pole were essentially trapping me and the fact that there was no effort to shift himself so that it wasn't his full front pressed against my back side. Now would also be a good time to mention that he was quite large, being quite tall and overweight. When the next group of passengers tried to board the bus, he pushed himself onto me harder than ever, again with his arms around the pole. He squeezed me so hard onto the pole that it hurt, badly, and I shouted ""sir you're hurting me"". A woman standing closer to the front looked at us, stared daggers into him and pushed a few people aside to get to where I was and pull me away from him. She had seen the positions both me and this man were in and sounded concerned for me. She began asking me ""what did he do?"" ""what did you feel?"" and if I was alright. Already I knew that his behaviour was odd since his previous position meant that he had to cross the new passenger's paths to get to where I was when it would have been simpler to move back. Also, even if it was the simpler way, it's absurd to push yourself so hard onto someone that you hurt them. But what made me realise what his intentions might have been was when I looked to where I was moments ago and saw him there looking embarrassed with no one behind him. I had bruises on my breast for a couple of days from what he did. I always thought that this was sexual harassment but I've also doubted it, wondering if maybe he was just inconsiderate, although it's basic common sense not to press your front against a women's back when there's space behind you to move. However I've just opened up to a family member who thinks that the force I described and the fact that I had bruises could mean that it was more that simple harassment, but assault. I honestly want to hear some opinions because thinking about what might have been going on in his mind when he pressed himself onto my body hard enough to bruise my chest is something that still creeps me out to this day and I want to understand what I experienced. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 2989,"Title: Co-worker makes me uncomfortable Text: My 1st time training under him, he asks me if size matter which I ignored the question then he asks again later. He has told me I’m pretty and beautiful (I’m a married woman and he knows that) then he goes to the women’s bathroom, cracks the door and starts talking to me while I’m in the bathroom. His moods are up and down and so erratic that people are convinced he’s on drugs. What should I do? I already applied for another position in the company. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 2990,"Title: Honesty is hard Text: I have many scars, especially on my legs, but I always had another reason for cutting than probably most of you guys. I started cutting because I wanted to try it and because I’m fascinated by (human) blood. I love blood, I love my own and others (don’t be scared I would never do harm to anyone besides me). I always hated the pain but loved the wounds and for a long time I even loved my scars. But now I’m sick of them. I haven’t cut in over a year and I wish I never did it. Because everyone who sees my scars thinks that I’m a depressed kid with borderline or something else. I’m not. I don’t want to disrespect anyone who has borderline or other issues, but it bothers me a lot. When I was cutting regularly I was sent to a psychiatric hospital for 3 month because everyone thought I had borderline, even the doctors. I don’t have it. But I always played along because I was too afraid to tell the real reason why I was cutting. I hate mental health stigmas. And yes I know I probably have other issues but it’s nothing like the therapist made it seem. I feel like a liar. I’m nothing like everyone thinks I am. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 2991,"Title: Eating a tub of Ben&Jerry's in the dark... Text: Hello darkness my old friend... For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2992,"Title: So many people don't know shit about SH, including the other students in my psych doctorate program. And it's pissing me off. Self-harm stigma is real. Text: I'm currently in my first year at a PsyD (doctorate of clinical psychology) program. My focus is on self-harm and risk assessment. My goal is to work directly with clients dealing with self-harm related issues. I used to work in an inpatient psych hospital that had many patients who self-harmed. I've directly intervened many times to prevent self-harm. I used to teach about self-harm. I'm also four months clean from self-harm. And holy shit. I can't believe that so many people, including people who majored in psych and *worked directly with clients,* don't know a fucking thing about it. Like, I'm already known as the ""knows a lot about self-harm"" guy (no one knows that I've done it, though) so I have had people ask. And I'm super glad that I got to educate them, but oh my LORD they didn't know shit going in. It's crazy how seldom they teach comprehensive information about SH, even in the field. It's because of stigma. It's not taken seriously by so many professionals, so they just don't care to learn about it. So I'm finding myself educating people *constantly*. Way too much for a *first-year student.* I had to teach someone that not everyone who self-harms is suicidal. I had to teach someone that self-harm is still self-harm even if there is no blood. I had to teach a **PROFESSOR** that there are more functions of self-harm other than ""show they're suicidal"" and ""release pain."" The worst, the FUCKING worst, was when I was telling a story about a former patient I had (without specifics, obviously) and how impressive it was that she went a week clean, and someone in the class had the *audacity* to say that it wasn't impressive, and that ""maybe a year or two would be good."" What the fuck. I'm sorry, were *you* there to console her for hours on end to prevent her from trying something? Were *you* the one who glady took a punch from her to prevent her from hitting a wall several times a day? And, above all else, he said this to someone who was two months clean, which I was super proud of. But who gives a shit? Maybe if I can stay clean for a year then I can be respected. Ugh. I don't have a problem educating them. I'll talk about self-harm until I'm blue in the face. But the fact that I *have* to so fucking often is just draining. Like, what about the students who I'm *not* in a class with? There's going to be a cycle of not taking SH seriously and not taking the time to learn about it, but you can bet your ass I'm gonna fight to break it. For myself, and most importantly, for everyone else who is suffering. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 2993,"Title: Well, Text: If you saw my last post, you’ll know what this means. The person broke up with me. I’m done. I have no one left to make me happy. I failed them. I don’t want to live another day. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2994,"Title: Because I will not be silenced Text: I think it’s important that to remember that women and men alike who’ve experienced domestic violence will not simply “get over it” just because you said so, just because you think it’s time. It’s important to remember that people who have experienced domestic violence should not have stop talking about it because it makes you uncomfortable. Did I destroy your belongings? No. Did grip your wrist to the point of tears? No. Did I tell you to put the baby down or attempt to snatch away the child because you aren’t liable for your actions? No. Did I choke you? No. So don’t tell me how to feel, or to get over it. I will continue to speak my truth whether you agree or not. It doesn’t matter if you don’t think your words were abuse... because it was. It doesn’t matter that you don’t think your actions were abuse... because they were. It doesn’t matter that you “didn’t mean too”... because you did. It doesn’t matter that you won’t speak about it... because I will. It doesn’t matter that you just want to leave it in the past...cause I won’t. Are you ashamed? You should be. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_past Question 2995,"Title: 'Abandon' Text: **Abandon** It doesn’t matter how far If it’s one or ten countries away How silent you get How much time passes I’ll go to the end of the Earth To be with you And a bit beyond, too Wherever that takes me It doesn’t matter how far You push my soul I’m never letting go Because you are my abandon \-- I hope you are not in pain. I hope you are not cutting everyone out. I hope you are talking with someone. I hope you are still going to therapy. I hope your meds are working better. I hope I'm worried about nothing. I hope your silence means your comfort. I hope you abandoning us doesn't mean you abandoning yourself. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2996,"Title: Since yesterday, I’m still struggling with my unhappy ending of my latest relationship Text: It’s been several days since I let a really bad BPD episode ruin a relationship. I haven’t slept well, I’ve been having crying spells, and I’ve been telling myself that I’ll need to just stay single. It will be a long time before I get over this loss. It would’ve been a beautiful future for me. How does one try to hang? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 2997,"Title: how to tell when it’s bad Text: i’m really struggling with suicidal ideation and i think the worst part is i don’t know when i should be reaching out for help since i’m often suicidal and while the feeling is intense it’s also fleeting… i don’t want to waste peoples time because i know i’ll get over it sooner or later… i also don’t know if i should reach out to begin with since i have no reason to be suicidal… when would you guys say people should reach out to others for help? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 2998,"Title: Online Communication: It Sucks (In a Nutshell) Text: This might be a long rant, so bear with me. I know that this is a group about being lonely and all, but you know what one of the biggest issue about trying to solve the issue is? Because I think for some of us, it isn’t actually all that hard finding people to chat with Online The real issue is finding people online who can hold a conversation outside of ‘hi’ and ‘dunno’ however, because that’s a different story…like seriously, if you want to find some decent chats anywhere, why are people so lacking in substance? I get that this is a world of either swipe left or right but COME ON! Sure, you can put all your info on your profile, but these days, nobody reads them, rendering all that effort pointless! And those who have next to nothing on their profiles are the equivalent of a dab squid, since you’d get far more out of a turnip then you would them. In fact, in chatting them, you can almost HEAR the lazy 16-17 year old working the store checkout who clearly can’t be bothered to do their job & is only their for the work experience, in their replies (‘hi’ - ‘ok’ - ‘I dunno’ only really missing an ‘uhh’ really) COME ON PEOPLES, put some effort in! If that’s how conversations online are going these days, we all might as well be lonely since humanity will become locked inside the biggest stalemate of all god damned time (unless sex is involved, that seems to be the real grease on the wheels) Don’t get me wrong, I like boobs and butts as much as the next guy but really? What’s the point? Sex chat just gets real monotonous after awhile & also annoying because trying to find out what sort of things a person likes seems about as hard completing a military training obstacle course, yet finding out if a woman’s bust is either a 36D or DD’s easy as pie (kinda takes the fun out of it though really) Lack of confidence/anxiety aside, one of our biggest issues with online communication is 80-90% of people having a complete lack of substance and being totally unengaging. I still wish you luck in your searches though Rant OVER For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 2999,"Title: reasons to live? Text: I barely have any. My parents always saying how worthless i am, how they should have aborted me but that's against god so they didnt. I know they're right but i still feel horrible about it. I can't move out, cause im not old enough, when i get old enough i won't be able to, i get low grades cause all i do is sit in the back and sleep. All i can really do is sleep. I have friends, they talk to me but i don't deserve them. I don't deserve to be cared for. The only thing that brings happiness nowadays is hurting myself and thinking of the idea of my death. I want real reasons. Real ones. Not 'itll get better' jack shit. My parents are throwing me out the first chance they get. Things are even tougher on the street For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 3000,"Title: I don't even want sex Text: I just want to hug someone and tell them I will be there for them and to love them to no end. But no one gets it. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 3001,"Title: I have no idea what to do Text: I am a man so I fear I will not be taken seriously. My wife slaps me, hits me with objects, spits on me, insults me for having bipolar disorder and more. I want to leave but I really do not want to lose my kids as I am in an international marriage. And when she mentions things about me belonging in a hospital I lose a sense of worth and get traumatic flashbacks of previously being hospitalized. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 3002,"Title: Anyone else feel like they are too conventionally unattractive to ever date? Text: I have a bad jawline,crooked teeth,I am extremely short,standing at 5'8 barefoot. I am extremely skinny and have a crooked nose. Not surprisingly no girl has ever shown even a tiny bit of interest in me. Any one here who has had similar experiences? People tell me to wait as I am very young(I am 18 years old). But my features aren't going to change as I get older. As they were fated by my genes. It sucks to have to suffer the consequences of something I had no control over. ""Nature rolls the dice we pay the price"" For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 3003,"Title: The logistics of killing yourself are so endlessly, frustratingly complicated Text: I would literally attempt suicide right now if I thought it would work, but I just feel like I would just end up with permanent damage and be accused of being an attention seeker, when in reality, I just want to die quietly without any fuss. I hate hearing stuff like, *""if you fail, it's just a parasuicidal gesture""* and *""there are lots of ways to make sure it works,""* because sure-fire suicide methods are obviously not readily available to the vast majority of people. * Do I try to poison myself with household products and probably just end up screwing up my organs? * Do I try to hang myself and risk brain damage? * Do I jump off a tall building and freak out a bunch of people who don't deserve it? * Do I kill myself in the bath/pool and make everyone else feel weird about using it afterwards? * Do I lie to get a prescription I don't actually need and potentially get someone in trouble? * Do I gas myself and put others in harm's way? * If I write a note, would that comfort people, or would it just make them feel like they could've ""done something"" and make it worse? * Should I ghost my friends before I do it to minimise the casualties? * Is it better for my family/friends to find me, or some rando? * What place/time would be best to prevent me from being interrupted? * Should I endure the pain and wait until I'm a bit older to kill myself so that I'm not seen as some immature, self-centred kid and people in my life don't blame themselves? * If I survive, do I lie and say it was impulsive, and not like, years in the making? * Should I delete my SNS pages and all the messages that I can before doing it? * Should I try between semesters in case I fail and need to take a break because I've messed up my health? * Would me killing myself destroy my religious extended family? * Should I quit my job beforehand, or do I keep it just in case I survive? There is no doubt in my mind that I'm going to do it, but I don't want to before I have a proper plan in place. Partly to minimise the damage, but mostly because I'm just so very worried about the consequences of potentially screwing up. I don't even question whether or not this is what I really want anymore, it's just a matter or how and when. I wish this self-righteous society didn't censor 99% of helpful information that'll actually let me die instead of end up sick and injured. I wish I didn't have to feel guilty or selfish for wanting this. I wish people would stop spewing their spiritual and philosophical ideologies at me when they have f\*ck all to do with my personal situation. I wish people would admit that it's possible and even sometimes reasonable to want to kill yourself but not be depressed. I wish people would stop changing their tune about whether or not this will get better or worse with age when it's convenient for them. I wish it wasn't so hard and so morally taboo and so painful and so contentious and so risky to choose what I do with my own freaking life that I never even wanted in the first place. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 3004,"Title: Is this Sexual Harassment? Text: I have a co-worker who is 32M. The other day i was a bystander. This 32M co-worker was going on and explaining to a 17F co-worker that how at his previous job he worked with a lesbian and he was for sure this lesbian was into him and how he would’ve turned her straight. I cringed. This 17F co-worker is also LGBT. Another co-worker who is a 16F was standing 5 feet away and heard the conversation looked at me and cringed too. I feel i have read that joking about sexual stuff in the workplace is sexual harassment. Also two minors having to be hearing what this 32M is saying is what has me curious too because i don’t think someone should be talking like this around minors, especially in the workplace. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 3005,"Title: May be a dumb question Text: But fuck it, so, I have 80 800 mg ibuprofen tablets. I plan on taking them all. They’re pretty big so I was thinking about crushing them and just getting them down like that. I’d take a couple anti nausea pills so I don’t throw it up. Maybe even some sleeping pills. Maybe even some alcohol. I’ll be in a very peaceful place. So my question is do you think this may work ? (I know od by pills is painful) ( no nothing is getting better nor do I care for things to). For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 3006,"Title: Suicidal Text: I have a student loan that isn’t fair because half of the funds weren’t dispersed to me, but I have to make payments for the full amount. My school said they returned the funds but my amount was never adjusted. I’m considering suicide because I cannot find a job. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 3007,"Title: What do you like to do alone? Text: What do you like to do alone? Any hobbies? I’m a college kid who lives alone off campus and have no friends so I have a lot of free time. I’m bored of my hobbies so I’m looking for more (also i feel like this could be a positive question for other lonely people!). For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 3008,"Title: I threw away my blades Text: I finally did it after over a year of ruining my skin and hurting others.. I did it guys edit: thank you guys so much for all the support. this community has helped me so much with advice and a safe place to go when I need help. yall are really incredible:) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 3009,"Title: I pressed charges against my husband and I’m so torn up about his arrest. Text: Am I the only one who feels like this? I kept the abuse a secret so long that nobody believes me except the police. A couple of months ago he fractured my skull and beat me so severely that the police were begging me to press charges. I was scared so I didn’t. Flash to last weekend where he put a piece of cloth around my neck and strangled me until I almost passed out. I couldn’t take any more. This time when asked I pressed charges. He was arrested that same day but I feel like a piece of disloyal garbage. I love him deeply but I know he’s going to kill me if things continues down the path they were on. Any advice on how I can overcome this overwhelming sense of guilt for pressing charges? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 3010,"Title: what am I supposed to do? Text: I wanna die but i can't i just have to stay alive until idk i have no methods atm help me i can't think properly For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 3011,"Title: Today is the day Text: I’m gonna kill myself in the next 3 hours and today also just so happens to be my cake day I can’t believe today is the day well goodbye Reddit thanks for coming with me on this journey this is Jayden sighing out For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 3012,"Title: Mom of 3 under 3, feeling suicidal today Text: I woke up today feeling suicidal. I’ve thought of suicide in the past, as a passing thought but today feels different. I’m hopeless. I’m worried about my kids, I have lost hope in humanity. There’s so much wrong in the world, so much heartbreak on the news constantly, children dying, wars, injustice. It’s a lot to take in daily, and I worry SO much about what my kids will have to go through. I struggle with the anxiety and stress everyday I just want to end the pain. I know my kids need me, I get it. But right now, I just want to think about me for a second and not on the idea that someone else needs me. I need the suffering to stop. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 3013,"Title: I wish I could re-do my teenage years without my anxiety and depression Text: And in a different time period, prior to the internet being a thing. 70s or 80s maybe. I spent my entire childhood locked away in my room with a glowing blue screen. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 3014,"Title: 2 is better than none Text: I only have a couple of friends that I still talk to. We only talk every couple of months but I realize that this is better than nothing and appreciate them for their friendship. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 3015,"Title: just scared to pull the trigger. can i please call someone. Text: can i please like, just talk to someone. once at least. im reliving everything again. torture, hell. ​ i have a 12 gauge shotgun with 00 buck. sounds stupid but im gonna eat some pizza first. the hardest part about it is that ill forget ill the good times, the few good times For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 3016,"Title: I feel hollow. Text: Hey, I’m a 23 year old Male who lives in Texas. As years have progressed I’ve been feeling more and more like I am nobody to the people around me. I spent many years being the “class clown” or “goofy” sort of character, but now the feelings I had when I used to make my loved ones laugh is nearly gone. I live my life looking for approval at all times. I just can never be good enough for what people expect, and it seems nobody cares to check up on me. Everybody thinks I’m great socially, but I’m not feeling the emotions I portray. And I can’t tell people how I really feel because why would it matter to them. I feel like a face in the crowd in get together a that I make. Drinking only makes me think more and thinking makes me miserable. I’ve been to one therapy session in my life and the therapist simply said “I can see why you think you need this.” And then I was unable to continue therapy. I just don’t understand what I can do to feel better. Currently I’m obese, jobless, and so fucking unmotivated. But a few years ago I was thin, working, and ambitious. I exuded confidence and felt so sure of myself in everything I did. I flew to close to the sun and now I’m burning and it hurts so bad. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 3017,"Title: Confused About Rape with Sex Addiction Text: I am not sure if I was raped. I am a sex addict (male) and would occasionally have sex with other random men. I usually made it pretty clear what I was up for, and what I wasn't (in email). Most of the time, I was not interested in anal sex. Several times, guys wouldn't listen and would just keep telling me how much I will like it and then jam it in. I would ever physically fight back or scream for them to stop. But I would feel physically sick afterwards and swear I wouldn't do that again. Yet, I know there is a sick part of me that wanted to be raped and feel humiliated and treated poorly. I am in therapy and sex addiction and am getting a lot of help, but I haven't confronted these particular feelings. I don't really know what to do or think about them. Has anyone here been through something like this and help give me any pointers or advice? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 3018,"Title: I used to love Halloween Text: As a kid, into adulthood. Depression and anxiety have ruined all of that. ""What are you going as?"" ""What are you gonna be for Halloween?"" I want to answer with ""*probably nothing, because I don't have the energy or the creativity left to come up with anything on my own, or even to drive over to one of those ubiquitous Spirit Halloween stores to buy something off the shelf. I just don't, I'm sorry.*"" But the *one time* I tried that, the person became unhappy and disappointed with me. Told a mutual friend that I was ""just blowing them off"" and that I was being selfish. I don't know about y'all but it does feel to me like Halloween gets more and more like Christmas every year, with more social pressure to go all-in and participate in a big way, and more disapproving judgment if you don't want to or just *can't*. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 3019,"Title: I'm becoming increasingly convinced this is the best option Text: I've always kind of assumed suicide would be how I went out. I'm currently in the process of dropping out of college, and I feel like now is the time. I have a fairly feasible plan imo, all I'm doing is waiting for the weather to change a bit more because I want to die in the winter, and it gives me some time to donate clothes and throw away everything else. I'm still worried about panicking and calling an ambulance, and in that sense I'm still not really sure if I'm ready, mentally speaking. But I'm fairly convinced that dying would be a mercy at this point. This is the last chance I'll have to kill myself before things nosedive and shit hits the fan. The only reason I'd continue to live is because my fear of death overwhelms everything else, and I'm sure I'd live to regret backing out. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 3020,"Title: My ex of 2 years texted me today and I feel even more lonelier. Text: She just sent me picture of a mug I gifted her maybe 5 years back and wrote: ""Found this. It's my new tea mug. Thank you!"" I barely ever receive any texts and receiving one from her just threw me back to the time when I wasn't struggling to get through a day. I wanted to talk to her more but tomorrow, I would be lonely again. And if I talked to her tonight, I won't be able to get through the day tomorrow. I will want more of her and I can't get that. I know many of you won't get it. And it's okay. I wouldn't be here if I had someone to text. I'll probably remove this post tomorrow. But at least for tonight, after this post, I might be able to sleep. Also, even if this reaches one person, thank you for hearing me out. Maybe you made me go through another day in life. Thank you. ❤️ EDIT 1: You guys are literally a blessing. Ffs 😭❤️ EDIT 2: Next day after this happened, I happen to get my first silver award. Love ya, stranger! 🙌 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 3021,"Title: It finally caught up to my ex!!!! Text: I was with him for five years, I hadn't seen him in four, and now he is getting three years in prison for three different criminal charges for hitting his girlfriend with a gun. I'm not sorry for celebrating his incarceration, and can't help but laugh at it. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 3022,"Title: Is this rape? Text: I was going through a breakup and I felt super alone and vulnerable anyways this guy message me and he made me feel comfortable to open up about my relationship and he would send me music to listen to make myself feel better and one day I finally told him I’ll meet with him so I drove to his house and he said do you want to smoke and I said yes so we did and he kept telling me about his past relationship and he was telling me he was raped at young age by a man and that is why he is bisexual and I told him I had similar situation and for hours we were talking and I told him I’m very sleepy and he just told me want to have sex and I said oh I don’t have a condom do you and he said no and I said well then I don’t want to and he just kept pressuring me to say yes and he kept trying to take my shorts off and I told him I do not want to I rather have a condom and he didn’t listen so he kept touching me and he said see you are wet and you like it and I stood there quiet and allowed him to proceed and he raped me and I felt a off body moment and I told him please stop and he did… and I went to the bathroom to wash off and I wanted to go home but he kept trying to get me to stay but later in the day his family woke up so I knew it was good chance to leave and I did.. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",rape_past Question 3023,"Title: feeling really empty and lonely lately but embracing it unfortunaly Text: I guess. A lot of people here feel the same but i need to put some things thats are deep in my heart out there , would be nice to vent for once.. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 3024,"Title: Sexual harassment at work because I’m attractive according to my company. Text: I’m having a bit of trouble with coworkers, I’m 20 years old working in a male dominated environment and work with clients who visit around the world at a resort. The problem I’m faced with is not the clients but my coworkers I’ve been sexually harassed 4 times for example(had a guy get behind me and grind on my back, another caressed my inner thigh while there was a stain from something asking if I was on my period, then the most recent one was being slapped with a towel on my thigh where I yelled to not touch me and he asked why) and assaulted twice by a flying object being thrown at me, I’ve reported incidents to HR and my boss and asked why this keeps happening they said it’s because I’m attractive and alone most of the time, and due to COVID it has changed a lot of behaviors in people. I don’t think it’s a valid excuse, since I’m suffering with health problems due to extreme stress and now dealing with body insecurity issues thinking I don’t want to be attractive since I’ll be a magnet for most abuse. I’m planning on getting out of there to hopefully start my career path, but is there anyone that can offer me tips to get over this trauma? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 3025,"Title: Does love/relationships feel foreign to you? Text: Have you not been in a relationship or haven’t had one for so long that the concept of being loved romantically feels off or impossible? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 3026,"Title: Why do you do it? Text: I sh myself and now that I've been asked my my mom why I sh I told her that it was insecurities and school stuff but I don't think that's actually why I do it. I've been asking myself why I do it and I just can't find an answer. I only know why I started. So if you don't mind answering why do you sh? (You don't have to share ofc <3 stay safe) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 3027,"Title: Struggling right now Text: I'm just really struggling right now, wish I was not so lonely, wish I had a family. I wish I was not mentally ill. I have bee. Getting comfortable with suicide more and more as time passes, I have picked out my method written my suicide note, I am ready to move on this world was cruel For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 3028,"Title: What’s the point of going on if you can’t appreciate what you have, and you can’t get what you want? Text: It keeps coming down to this question. Ending it all sounds better to me than settling. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 3029,"Title: Locked my abusive alcoholic husband out and called the police on him Text: So tonight he got drunk and wanted to go out at 10:15pm. Our country is in lockdown and curfew is at 10pm until 6am. If you are caught outside after curfew you are taken to a quarantine facility for 2 weeks with no warning. I locked the door and hid the key so he wouldn't go out taking our joint card with him which has all our money on it. He pinned me by my neck and went to bite my face but got my hand instead. I couldn't get him off my hand and now it hurts like a bitch but he got what he wanted I unlocked the door and let him go. I then locked it behind him and called the police to make them aware he's outside and that he can be highly aggressive. Im messaging friends and family to ask for money to get food in as we have a young child whos 13months old. Luckily baby was asleep and didn't notice any of this happening. For the past 3 years I have endured abuse from him and tonight was the last time. I don't want my baby seeing this, I don't wanna go through this anymore. I'm scared to leave but if I stay I'm terrified he'll eventually kill me. I just needed to let this out while I calm down and I needed to have it in text to prove that he's never going to change and I owe my baby and myself better than this. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 3030,"Title: Bi polar/intellectual disability Text: I have an 18-year-old daughter, who goes to a special-needs school here in Pennsylvania. During a bus ride home she supposedly assaulted someone who was 15. My daughter is saying she did not touch him and the school bus driver doesn’t report any disturbances and said there is approximately seven children on the bus. I also called the bus depot to see if there was camera footage and they couldn’t provide any. The father of the boy that she supposedly punched, called the police and said because Amerah was an adult they would like her charged. I just got papers in the mail, charging her with simple assault and harassment. She is barley able to have conversations with adults I’m wondering how to handle such a situation. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 3031,"Title: what's the worst thing about having emotional numbness? Text: mine personally is probably being in relationships because it's hard to show affection For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 3032,"Title: Does involving justice anger them more ? Text: It's been 2 years with my abuser. He was very violent, verbally and physically. It was (seemingly) out of jealousy, since he thought I desired every single human we came across. He hit me, punching me (most times right in the face) but also used batons, hifi speakers and other objects like throwing a metallic cd tower like a javelin in my back ; slammed doors repeatedly on my legs ; used my own squared-heeled shoes against my face ; sequestered me in a room, randomly appearing with a big kitchen knife, kicking me in spots where I lost my breath, and hitting all of my body with the flat of the knife and making stab movements next to me ; severed my lips while punching me with rings ; dragged my by the hair to the floor to hit with his shoe over my head ; etc... for you to see what he's up to... I'm gone for good even if I awfully miss him (or at least his lovable, and probably fake part) and have issues going no contact. The thing is... - He stalks me. Goes repeatedly everywhere he learns that I have been, even once. One time he followed me through half the town and I didn't see him even if checking regularly behind me, and he just spawned next to me when I entered a park. Another time, I found him in the dark, just before my entry door, not knocking or anything, just being silent and creepy. - He constantly threatens me : of killing me in various ways, of burning my home, but also of causing me a handicap, of putting me in a coma, of disfiguring me (which frightens me since he already started with that scar across both of my lips). He is so good at manipulating people that his ex wife, who went to justice, was said to be hysterical, and SHE was the one to get a restraining order to not go and bother him !!!! Like, can you believe that ? A few days ago he showed up, sweet, with a bottle of rhum to share some good time. I didn't open and he went mad, immediately talked about my phone calls (I guess he expected to inspect my phone later that night, and he always hit me if a male friend messaged me) and threatened to crush the door and then me. I called the cops, for the first time, as he was continuously ringing on the doorbell. He saw them, but I'm not sure they saw him. He told me : *""If you raise it to that level, I have to raise the level too. (.....) It's coming.""* . Threatening to destroy me and my (imaginary) lovers or friends who sided with me. Then went completely silent for the next days. Does involving the justice, file a complaint, really will make things better ? - Firstly, I never wanted to harm him even if he keeps saying I'm making efforts for things to end badly... I feel very, *very* bad knowing I would send someone to jail... Someone I loved.... How to cope with the idea that it is not attacking him ? - Secondly, I'm afraid that if anything like jail happens to him, it would make me his biggest enemy, and that he would not let go... whereas I would stand a chance that he forgets me if I just hide while he finds a new prey.... Wouldn't court make him hate me even more than he already does ? - Thirdly I want this to end, not engage in a long battle where my words could be doubted or twisted again but by justice this time, I'm sick of those pointless battles. Plus it's a battle where everyone loses.... And sometimes they don't even warn you when the monster goes out of jail. It feels like leaving my life behind and moving hundreds of kilometers away is the only solution... But I don't have the money to do so and I wanted to finish a diploma.... Please, if anyone had a terrorist partner like this, did you file a complaint ? Did it really help, or did you feel even more endangered, because it made him angrier ? *Did you find peace ? Did the peace last ?* Thank you in advance for your answers. Wishing you all the best. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",domesticviolence_ongoing Question 3033,"Title: What should she do? Text: This isn't me but one of my internet friends. I don't really want to get into deep specifics as I am worried that he could see this as he does use reddit. My friend (23F) and her BF got into a disagreement in which ultimately ended with her BF physically assaulting her, think black eye and swollen lip, pretty horrible shit. Not to mention this was after he kicked in the door and while dragging her out of the bathroom and around the house ripped some of her hair out. While the solution may seem obvious, (file police report and go stay with friends or family) she and her BF have a 5 digit lease on an apartment that she could never pay off without her BF in her current financial situation. Even if her BF decided to pay it off so she could leave, she would be homeless as she doesn't really have anyone else to stay with or any money for another apartment. How should she go about this as to escape both her BF and the financial trouble posed by her apartment lease? I can reveal more information as needed. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 3034,"Title: 9 years. Text: 9 years of depression! Can we get to double digits? Haha. Things can't really get any worse for me. It's just a wait until they get better. Can't believe my depression is older than a good percentage of people on the planet. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 3035,"Title: [NSFW] Didn't think I'd ever say this but my dick is bleeding. Text: Was (am) kinda drunk and cutting a bit and one slash to the right thight slipped a bit and the result is *a bleeding dong*. Fortunately it's nothing serious. Actually got a bit of a laught out of this after bandaging it. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_ongoing Question 3036,"Title: My alternative to cutting Text: So instead of cutting I started painting my nails. It helped me feel better and it felt like I was just painting on a minni canvas. When I got stressed I would peal at the nail polish instead of cutting and I painted it back when I was sad. Unfortunately, it became very obsessive behaviour and I began damaging my nails. So I had to find something else. So I bought myself a kalimba!! It's so easy and fun to to learn songs!! It's soft music is very soothing and I quite like it c: Also y'all look lovley today <3 For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 3037,"Title: I don’t want to die but I have no desire to live neither Text: Trying to figure out the meaning of being alive if everything made you has gone? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 3038,"Title: For everyone whose partner abused them when no one was watching. Text: When no one was watching, or in the silence, or when everyone left, or when you were on a dark street, or only when you two were alone. You were definitely confused thinking, ""it must be me, I caused this."" Because you are so confused why they treat everyone better than you. Good people don't hurt others behind closed doors. No, we may not see their ""karma"" come back around for them but just rest assure that a good person doesn't have two sides to them. You'll never be confused about a good person.. they would never blame their mistreatment of you on you. good people don't do that. So wherever you are in your healing just know right now that a good person does not abuse others in secrecy. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 3039,"Title: Succumbing to alcoholism is my form of suicide. Text: It’s the best way I deal with my autism. Everything I do comes across as natural as I’m completely anxiety-free when I’m drunk. I’m full of confidence and wanting to socialize with everyone. Only when I’m tipsy does anyone love me, the only time I can make friends who don’t think of me as a burden. Without alcohol, it feels like I’m trapped in a cage, where everything else do is awkward and weird-looking. Where nobody likes me. Why commit suicide when I can just drink myself to death? I’ll wait until I choke in my sleep or succumb to alcohol poisoning. At least I’ll go out on my own terms, at least everyone will like me before dying. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 3040,"Title: lead technician made me feel uncomfortable today. what's the best course of action? Text: As I was changing in the locker room, the lead technician made a comment about how I could get with a person at work. I'm pretty sure she may have a crush on me and she acts flirty most days so that's probably why he said it but it made me feel really uncomfortable especially since other co-workers were around and heard. I am not at work to make friends/start romantic relationships and I need my job. I have no patience for this kind of ""locker room talk"" and I want to reach out to my HR just to cover myself. The lead who said it doesn't usually have a problem with me, and I am always good with him. He crossed the line and I want to report it because other people heard it and rumors spread like crazy at my job. If she does have a crush on me, and heard we were talking about her she could try to get me in trouble when I was minding my business getting ready to leave for the day. I need my job and I shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable at my job over incidents like this. What should I do? ( My manager is basically useless so reporting to him will get me nowhere) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 3041,"Title: What’s it like having people that actually give a shit about you? Text: . For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 3042,"Title: How to stop self-sabotating professionally? Text: Hi everyone, I had a rough time this year because I realized I didn't want to continue the career I have been working on for almost eight years at this point (1 year on one graduation closely related that I left, 5 concluding a graduation and 2 years on masters). I'm 26 yo, almost 27. I won't state which career is that because I don't want to demotivate any possible aspirants, which has happened before. I lost my desire to work with it because the routine is really overwhelming, the payment is not fair (terrible for the most part), and there are a lot of limitations regarding living conditions, dignity and personal security. I took some vocational tests, did a lot of research, and realized my best option would be to follow the career as an artist working with digital art, animation, modeling, etc. The issue is that I'm still really an amateur at it, and since my childhood I have been self-sabotating myself about this possibility, always giving up thinking I'm bad. I consider I have significant creativity and a keen eye due to my previous jobs that required a lot of observation and visual description, but not that much practice on drawing or painting itself. I'm trying every week, did some drawing which people around complimented a lot, but still... I'm nowhere near a professional, some which are way younger. I get bummed out imagining how much I have to work to establish a new path, and I lose motivation, leading to depression and anxiety. I'm currently unemployed after 6 years in a row having some money on my own due to doing academic funding. I had some really heavy stuff happening at my personal life, so, trying to cope, I spent my savings after some months... which were not that much, tbh. I have tried applying to some companies around here, but didn't get a single job, making me feel like I'm worthless. My parents are helping me out. They have a good amount of money, and told me they will pay a 2 year graduation on graphic design until I can stabilize financially again... but that puts a lot of shame on me because I'm way too old to rely on my parents paying for my living. It just hits really hard on my selfsteem. I'm not sure I should just accept it and focus on my studies or starting working at any shitty job that will hurdle me until I can get a internship just for personal fulfillment. The combination of not yet being good at what I want to do for a living, losing faith on the career I previously dreamed with, and not having any money on my own anymore at this stage of my life puts me in this position where I get stuck self-sabotaging. I tell myself everyday I will fail at life (or rather am a failure already), and I shouldn't ever try working on anything because I will fail. I really don't know how to focus again and improve myself in a stable manner, so I'm frequently distracting myself from all this anxiety with quick, addictive relieves. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 3043,"Title: What do guys/people think about self harm scars during sex? Text: I do not have really thick or deep scars but they are a little bit visible and I am quite sure that the guy I am seeing saw them last time we had sex (they were kind of reddish as well so it was easier to see). I am kind of afraid of going out with him again for many different reasons that are not related to him, but one thing that’s in my head is that he might try to talk about my sh scars and I won’t know what to do about it. Also, this is the first time that this have happened as no one else had seen my sh before so I am really anxious about it and I am afraid he might think this is a red flag or something else like that. If someone here (especially guys) have ever been with a girl with sh scars, what did you think/do? Did u talk to her about it or didn’t mention it at all? For the girls, have you ever been in this situation with a guy? What happened? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",selfharm_past Question 3044,"Title: Did I make false allegations? Text: I've made another post before but I'll make a more detailed one here. I work with a guy let's call him John. John came on to me at a work trip when I was in his hotel room having drinks. I said no and that he was married so I didn't want to. He made excuses like he wasn't technically married and kept repeating that he wanted to hug me. I said he was engaged with a baby on the way. He kept asking so I eventually hugged him. I went back to my room and he followed me. In my room he said he wanted to hug me and that he'd be more comfortable on the bed. I said it was a bad idea and that I didn't want to. He asked again so I just did it. He kissed me and asked me to take off my clothes and I said I didn't want to. I said I was keeping my pants on. I tried to stop kissing him and he asked if it was because he smoked and that he was self conscious that he smelt bad. He said he wouldn't be able to sleep unless he came. I said I didn't want to have sex. He kept saying he wouldn't be able to sleep until he came. He then masturbated on the bed next to me. He went back to his room. He came back in the morning and told me he was worried I was going to get him fired for sexual harrassment. I said I wasn't going to put in a complaint but that I didn't want it to ever happen again. Since then he has continuously asked me to hang out in his hotel room on work trips and I've always said no (written messages). He has also continuously brought up Polyamory and how he doesn't feel that he should have to not be with the mother of his child just because he isn't attracted to her. I have made it clear that I'm not into Polyamory on many occasions. On one work trip away we were having dinner together (we had to because we only had one vehicle) and he said he hoped that we could have some fun on the trip. I changed the subject to work. He asked me if I wanted to hang out that evening and I said no. He then messaged me that evening and asked again if I wanted to hangout. I said no that I was going to do some work and have a bath. He then sent suggested messages about the bath. I didn't respond. The next morning he was really angry and told me it was because he was embarrassed. He put his headphones on (while I drove and refused to speak to me). He then acted like a bully for the entire trip. His audiobook that he was listening to then connected to the radio (he said it was on being a good parent) and so I said that sounds interesting, it kept playing and it was on Polyamory. On the last morning after he was particularly rude to me (he interrupted me very aggressively when I was speaking to a colleague and demanded that we leave the cafe - his coffee hadn't even been made and we had 30 mins to spare) I said that his behaviour was crossing the lines of professional colleagues and that I'd prefer if he could keep the topic on work. He yelled at me and said he never really thought I was his friend anyway. I said this is what I was describing and to please stay focused on work. He then told me he intended on putting in a complaint about our manager on my behalf for harrassment (he gets in my space alot). I said I didn't wish to do that. He said he just didn't feel comfortable working in that kind of a workplace. I said I had no complaint against manager. He messaged me and apologized for his behaviour on the last trip and acknowledged everything (except the sexual harrassment). I put in a complaint but I left out the part where he hugged, kissed me and masturbated on my bed. I kind of felt bad complaining about that part because I didn't feel as though I said no clearly enough and I. also really embarrassed and upset when I think about it. Now I'm worried it will come across as a false allegation because I left it out of my initial complaint (it's been 3 weeks now). Have I done the wrong thing? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_ongoing Question 3045,"Title: How can I support a friend who self harms? Text: I'm terrible at talking and sometimes I don't know what to say when she's having a bad day or I'm afraid what I said sounds too cold For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 3046,"Title: I thought I made a friend. Text: This happens all the time, I’ll meet someone at work or somewhere and start talking and things seem fine to me. We’d swap numbers and text here and there. But eventually they just stop replying and we stop seeing each other in public. This happens to me all the time. I keep thinking that I’m making a friend and then poof. As if I never existed. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 3047,"Title: How to help my sister with her abusive husband Text: To set the stage. My sister 30F has been married for ten years to 41M. A few months into their marriage after she hadn’t gotten pregnant he began talking to a lady that had two kids and he claimed it was because he wanted to help her because she was a single mom but was flirting with her and trying to get with her. Red flag #1. She didn’t leave because she found out she was pregnant a couple weeks later. They’ve moved to 3 different cities, 6 different counties and multiple different areas to try and get her away from us. If he wanted to move and she didn’t he would yell and scream until she finally gave in and they would pack up and leave. He told her our family doesn’t care about her; that we’re bad people, that no one loves her. That he married her because he felt bad for her, that he did her a favour by marrying her. This is only part of what I know. She is only telling us this now after years and years of this. He abused her mentally and wore her down since the beginning and has begun pushing her and hitting her in the last couple years (that I know of but I believe he’s been doing this longer) He uses her religiousness against her when it is beneficial to him but disregards the wrong stuff he’s done. One time he was frustrated with the situation with one of his new girlfriends and beat my nephew who has 5 at the time so hard that he started peeing on himself again. He still does two years later. This man 250lb and 6 ft 5 at LEAST. Now to the point of this post. They had finally come back to our city this year in June and we told her that under so circumstances was she going to leave again. I am not sure that if she leaves again that she will ever make it back. He recently wanted to leave the country again and she told him that he can go and settle in for a year and then they would come and join in. He went and reconnected with his girlfriend there though my sister said this was the last chance and if he did that she would not stay with him. The problem is now he is coming coming next week and she wants to end the relationship. She feels unsafe. She got cameras and set them up in the house. She has called the non emergency line twice and they told her there’s nothing they can do until he does something. Sheasked how she can get a restraining order and again they said there’s nothing they can do. She is prepared to not be at home when he comes but she doesn’t know how he will react .. what are our options here? My worry is he will come back and manipulate her back because I do believe she has some Stockholm syndrome from this relationship. I however, can not stand by and allow the kids to live in this situation now that I know he’s been hurting them. He leaves a wire on the ceiling fan and anytime they do something he’s unhappy with he yells and threatens them with it. He pinches her and the kids and claims it’s a joke but leaves bruises. He has threatened to kill her in the past if she ever was to leave. I told my sister I will call CAS if she stays with him and allows to kids to be around him… it is ultimately her choice what she wants to do but the kids have no choice and I feel awful that they may potentially be abused again if she was to forgive him.. what can i do as an outside observer? The police are no help. He knows where we live and I’m afraid he’ll come here looking for her. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 3048,"Title: Short sleeves Text: Do you wear clothes with short sleeves or no sleeves at all in public? I understand, that it would be inappropriate in, lets say, working environment, but how about going out for a drink, or just meeting up with friends for a coffee, or simply doing a little walking thing..? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 3049,"Title: I don’t want to be alive anymore Text: I wake up everyday not wanting to be alive. I goto bed praying that I won’t wake up. It’s crippling. I feel like such a failure. I feel like I mess up everything I touch. My relationship with most of my family is a mess and I feel I’ll never find anyone to love me. My grades in school have been going down. I have no motivation to goto work, do schoolwork and I just lay in bed all day being depressed. If we’re being honest the point of life is to just wait around and die. ( oh and work somewhere in between that) I just want to die For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 3050,"Title: there is something left in me Text: i thought i cut everything out, yet here i always am, looking at the world through what feels like a fake camera. i am not myself. i'm just watching, and when i don't like what i see, which is everything, i cut myself. i used to want to live, and feel like i was the one living, but i gave up on that a long time ago. now i just cut when my inside music gets too loud and my street feeling takes place. i simply don't want to exist. i don't feel like i really do exist- but i guess i do, sense i'm writing this. my head hurts. i feel so lost in space, the soul that was tethered to my body had it's string cut and now i'm just here? hollow. nothing. i don't think i am anything. is that why i cut? to prove i exist through the pain? i don't know if i'm really here. i'm floating, i'm dissociating so hard right now i don't know what to do. i'm fucking 16 and i've not done a single good thing in my life For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**","selfharm_ongoing, suicideideation_passive_ongoing" Question 3051,"Title: Was this sexual harassment? Text: Hi, so recently I've been thinking about something that happened about 2 years ago when I was 15(F). I'm not sure if would be considered sexual harassment but it definitely made me uncomfortable so I'd like to hear someone else's thoughts. This happened at school very close to the beginning of the year. I don't remember the exact details, which makes me think that I could be exaggerating or something. I was sitting in science class and these 2 boys were sitting next to me. They're the type of people I would consider ""popular"" and who tend to indirectly pick on other students if they are quiet, weird, different, etc. It was my first year at this school and I was extremely unpopular, very shy and anxious, had no friends, wore unfashionable clothes, and generally stood out as being ""weird"" (at leasts that's what I think). Basically, I was the exact type of person these 2 idiots would make fun of. I'm just saying all this to make it clear that I was not friends with these boys and the only reason they would ever talk to me would be to subtly make fun of me. Otherwise I was completely invisible to them. Anyways, I was sitting in science class, looking at my phone and minding my business before class started, and they started to drag me into their conversation. Out of nowhere they started to insistently ask me about condoms. More specifically, they were asking me about whether Magnum or Trojan condoms are better. This made me very uncomfortable because they had never talked to me before and these questions were completely unwelcomed. I tried to kind of laugh it off and say ""I don't know"", but they kept insisting that I answer the question. I just kept trying to focus on my phone to show them I wasn't interested in a conversation. I clearly remember one of them seeming to get frustrated or angry because I wasn't answering and said something like ""come on, answer. It's just a question"" or something like that. Eventually, the class started and they pretty much never talked to me again. The whole situation made me feel uncomfortable and a bit nauseated. It also felt like they were making fun of me for their own enjoyment as if I wasn't intelligent enough to understand that they were making fun of me, if that makes sense. It's something I've observed them doing to other people. I've been thinking about this recently because I've been seeing those 2 boys around school and whenever I see them it makes me think of that class from 2 years ago. In one of my classes we have a seating plan that changes every month-ish and just today I've been seated directly next to one of those boys. I'm already very anxious at school for a lot of reasons but when I sit next to him it immediately gets worse and I get even more self-conscious than I already am. I'm sensitive about my personal space, and when he sits in the desk next to me, I feel like he's uncomfortably close to me. He pretty much acts like I'm not there, so hopefully I'll never have to talk to him. Anyways, I'm not sure if that situation would be considered sexual harassment so I'm hoping someone can give me another perspective on it. Looking through this subreddit, I honestly feel a bit out of place posting this because what happened to me seems so minor compared to everything else on here. I know it's not good to compare my problems to other people's, but I just don't want to devalue the term sexual harassment or something. I feel like I'm overreacting or exaggerating in some way, or even bending the truth to make people empathize with me. Thanks for taking the time to read this :) For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",sexualharassment_past Question 3052,"Title: is tramadol safe? Text: I been seeing psychiatrist for over 20 years now. I tried every medication. but I am depressed and anxious all the time. I am currently on cymbalta. I react to drug very very negatively (side effect) whenever I take cymbalta my sking gets red, I get pimples, my face swells up. I can't unrinate. but I take cymbalta because it is the drug with the least side effect. recently I tried very low does of tramadol(ultracet) for pain. 18.75mg of tramadol. and it relieved my symptoms immediately. I am sure it is thank to tramadol. no other drug has show this effect for me. I think 18.75mg is fairly small amount. I am thinking of taking it every three days. do you guys think it would still mess up my dopamine receptor and etc? is it as bad as narcotic? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 3053,"Title: Do I have any hope? Text: 30 years old. Still alone. I don't want to live the rest of my life alone. I'd rather be dead. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_passive_ongoing Question 3054,"Title: So,I really want to die,But I don't want to be so damn scared about it. Text: I mean,since our polichickens want to get us killed by Russia/China(nuked) I'm really thinking about just ending it myself. I was really happy reading somewhere that A shot to the head would be painless and be instant death. But the thing is,I'm too scared. I've had a plan ready to go,but the problem is...Idk if ""Certain"" things will happen. I just hope I'm not beaten to the punch. I just want my death to be my own. NOT some shithead politician(Biden,Xi,Putin,ANYONE who has nukes. Fuck them all). Fear sucks. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",suicideideation_active_ongoing Question 3055,"Title: Submitted a Clare's Law request against the guy I'm seeing. Got a disclosure yesterday Text: About three months ago I (23) met this guy (21). The day I met him he told me he had an electronic tag and was in prison until a few months ago due to drug charges. No judgment please, I continued seeing him as I thought lots of people our age do take drugs and he said he was caught with enough cocaine that he was arrested and charged with intent to supply. We got intimate quickly and after a few weeks we went on another date and he told me he lied about why he went to prison. He told me he went to prison for actual bodily harm he committed on the mother of his child. I was completely shocked as I did not think he was this kind of person. He told me a very detailed account and the short of it was himself and his baby mama planned a date night to try and relight the spark in their relationship. They both got drunk and she tried to leave the hotel and was shouting and he put his hand over her mouth in a panic and tried to get her back into the room. He said during this their legs got tangled and she fell onto her face which caused injuries and he was arrested. He appeared remorseful when telling me this. Despite my better judgment I continued seeing him and we had a normal progression in our relationship. I felt very safe with him and he spent 4 nights a week at my apartment. I submitted a Clare's Law request for peace of mind and yesterday the disclosure came back. The police officer called me yesterday. Regarding the incident above, she said when hotel security arrived they observed him on top of her strangling her and hitting her in the face. She was unconscious. The charge was originally attempted murder and was reduced. He has an unlimited restraining order. He has been investigated for harassment and/or violence against two other ex-partners. He has also been arrested for assault on his mother and stepfather on separate occasions. He has also been arrested for possession of a bladed weapon. I am devastated and feel like an absolute fool. Luckily I have just moved to another city several hours away for university. I need to end the relationship and need advice on how to do so. I have contacted a DV helpline and they have made me an appointment to discuss a risk assessment and a safety plan. I feel awful because I cannot comprehend that he is this awful person. How do I get over this? TLDR: Clare's Law request was made against my partner. The disclosure revealed a long history of violence and harassment and I am devastated. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 3056,"Title: Community focused on harassment of students by professors Text: r/abuse_by_professors is a community to shed light on incidents of racism, sexual harassment or other abuse by professors. Please share your own experience or crosspost a related story. Students often finds schools are more interested in protecting their reputation than vulnerable students. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 3057,"Title: Lack of empathy and no filter, is this a common theme? Text: I know someone who was SA’d more than once in their life. This person recently has been struggling with triggers for the past few months. One thing I’ve noticed is a lack of empathy and not having a filter. While the not having a filter has been pretty normal I feel lately it has been a lot. I’m wanting to educate myself to help this person so I ask, are these symptoms frequent? For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis Question 3058,"Title: It baffles me how some people have tons of friends, a healthy relationship and a massive family... like HOW?! Text: I mean, how do they do that? How to you build such a huge loving circle of people? How phenomenally did I fail at being alive that I have none of that and probably never will? Happy social people are like a constant mirror of how much of a fuck up I am. For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past. **Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**",no_crisis