Chandler: What?!
 Ross: Yep!
 Rachel: In a month?
 Ross: Yeah!
 Rachel: You mean, you mean 30 days?
 Ross: Yeah.
 Rachel: From now?
 Ross: Yeah.
 Rachel: Well, that's great.
 Ross: Yeah! Yeah, Emily always wanted to get married in this beautiful place
 that her parents got married, but it's going to be torn down, so  I mean, I-I
 know it's crazy, but everything up  til now has been so crazy, and I don't
 know, this just feels right. Y'know?
 Joey: (still looking in date book) Hey! That's the day after I stop
 menstruating! (They all look at him.) This isn't mine.
 Commercial Break
 [Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is waiting impatiently for Joshua.]
 Joshua: (entering) Hey, Rachel.
 Rachel: Hi!
 Joshua: What's up? You're voice sounded all squeaky on the phone.
 Rachel: Ohh, nothing, I just wanted to see you. See you and hug you. (Hugs him)
 See you.
 Joshua: Great!
 Rachel: Yeah! (She sits down) Sit!
 Joshua: (sitting) You okay?
 Rachel: I'm more than okay, I am really, really happy! Wanna know why?
 Joshua: Do I?
 Rachel:  Cause I am really happy about us. I think we are, I think we are
 so on the right track! Y'know? I mean, I think we are working, I think we are
 clicking. Y'know?
 Joshua: Yeah, sure-sure, yeah,
 we're-we're-we're-we're-we're clicking.
 Rachel: Yeah-yeah, y'know if-if there was just like one little area where
 I that I think we need we would need to work on; I-I would think it was
 we're just not crazy enough!
 Joshua: I-I gotta say, I-I-I-I'm not too sure I agree with that.
 Rachel: Well, yeah, right, y'know what? Yeah, you're right, I mean, we
 no, we have our fun. Yeah! But if (Grunts uncomprehensively)  I mean, I mean
 like craaaazy! Y'know? Okay, all right. This is gonna, this is gonna sound
 y'know, a little umm, hasty, but uh, just go with it. Umm. Ugh. What if we got
 married?
 Joshua: What?! (Gunther is listening in.)
 Rachel: Oh, I know, I know, it's-it's so, it's so totally like,
 'Whoa! Can we do this?' Y'know, I mean, but I mean it just feels right!
 Don't you think? It does! I mean, it just feels right, don't you think?
 Joshua: Wow! Uhh, Rachel uhh, you're a real special lady, but my divorce
 isn't final yet and, and, and we've been on four days, so I'm thinking
 'No, but thanks.'
 Gunther: YOU IDIOT!!!!!
 [Scene: The Sleep Clinic, Joey is having trouble staying awake.]
 Sleep Clinic Worker: Your name, please?
 Joey: Joey Tribbiani.
 Sleep Clinic Worker: Um-hmm, and did you stay up all night in preparation for
 your sleep study. (Joey doesn't answer) Uh, sir? (Joey starts snoring)
 Chandler: (answering for him) Yes he did.
 Sleep Clinic Worker: Alll right, we'll call you in a few minutes.
 (As she leaves, a beautiful woman enters and sits down across from the boys.)
 Chandler: (waking Joey) Hey, check out that girl! She is really hot!
 Joey: (sleepily) Yeah, she is. Wow! (Falls back asleep, loudly) How you
 doin'?
 (Chandler wakes him up, again.)
 Joey: What?!
 Chandler: You're coming on to the entire room! (He goes over to pick up a
 stack of magazines next to her, and to get her attention, he throws them back down.)
 I'm Chandler.
 Woman: I'm Marjorie.
 Chandler: Hi.
 Marjorie: Hi.
 Chandler: You mind if I
 Marjorie: No, please.
 (He sits down next to her.)
 Chandler: So uh, what are you in for?
 Marjorie: I talk in my sleep.
 Chandler: What a coincidence, I listen in my sleep.
 Joey: (asleep) So why don't you give me your number?
 [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Phoebe, still defying reality, are now throwing
 a bouquet at each other, pretending to catch the actual bouquet at an actual
 wedding.]
 Monica: Okay, ready?
 Phoebe: Yeah.
 Monica: Okay.
 (She turns around and throws the bouquet to Phoebe.)
 Phoebe: (catching it) I got it! Mine! (They both hug)
 Monica: Congratulations!
 Phoebe: Thank you!
 Monica: Okay! My turn! My turn!
 Phoebe: Okay! (Gets into position) Okay, ready?
 Monica: (cocking her head from side to side in some pre-bouquet-catching ritual)
 Yeah.
 Phoebe: Okay. (Phoebe turns and throws it on the couch.)
 Monica: (upset) That was a terrible throw!!
 Phoebe: I'm not gonna right to you! That's not real!
 Monica: Look at me! My big concern is what's real?! (Finally realises) Oh
 my God. We're really sad, aren't we?
 Phoebe: Yeah, I think we are.
 Monica: This isn't even my dress.
 Phoebe: Well, at least you didn't rent yours from a store called,
 'It's Not Too Late.'
 Monica: I'm changing out of this.
 Phoebe: Me too.
 Monica: In like a half-hour?
 Phoebe: Me too.
 Monica: Okay, throw it straight this time.
 Phoebe: Okay.
 (She throws it straight, and Monica makes a big deal about catching it.)
 Monica: I'm getting married next!!


Phoebe: Yay!
 [Scene: Central Perk, Monica and Phoebe, back to reality, are sitting in normal
 clothes.]
 Phoebe: I hate my regular clothes now! Y'know? I look down and-and I
 know that this isn't gonna be the most special day of my life.
 Monica: Yeah. I mean it was kinda fun for a while, but didn't you start
 feeling silly?
 Phoebe: I guess.
 (Monica crosses her legs and is still wearing the garter belt.)
 Phoebe: Oh my God!
 Monica: Oh God.
 Phoebe: Oh, you're such a cheater!
 Chandler: (entering) Hello! Little ones.
 Monica: Hey!
 Phoebe: Hey!
 Monica: So, is Joey gonna stop snoring?
 Chandler: Yep! And! A beautiful woman agreed to go out with me. (They're
 stunned.) Joey wanted to ask her out, but uh, she picked me.
 Phoebe: Oh, how'd that happen?
 Chandler: Because I'm cooler.
 Monica: No, seriously.
 Chandler: Well she's, she's the kinda girl Joey was unconscious.
 (Joey enters, wearing a mouth guard like boxers wear.)
 Joey: (muffled by the mouth guard) Hey you guys! What's happening?
 Monica: Oh my God!
 Phoebe: What is that?
 Joey: (muffled) Oh, they gave it to me at the sleep clinic, and it's gonna
 help me not to snore.
 Monica: Well, are you asleep right now, Joe?  Cause I don't think you
 have to wear it unless you are!
 Joey: (takes out the mouth guard) I know I don't have too! It tastes good.
 (Puts it back in.)
 Chandler: Plus, you look cool.
 (Joey totally agrees with this statement and kicks his feet up.)
 [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is putting away the wedding dress, finally.]
 Rachel: (entering from her bedroom) Well, I just called Joshua
 Phoebe: Oh, how did it go?
 Rachel: Well, I did my best to convince him that I'm not some crazy girl
 who is dying to get married I'm just going through a hard time.
 Phoebe: What did he say?
 Rachel: Well uh, his answering machine was very understanding. Ugh. I
 feel blue.
 Monica: Ohh, sweetie! (Goes to comfort her.) Hey, I bet you anything that
 he's gonna call you again.
 Rachel: Yeah, maybe, but I don't think I even care. I don't think
 he's the one I'm sad about. Y'know, I know that I said that I am totally
 okay with Ross getting married, but as it turns out, I don't think I'm handling
 it all that well.
 Phoebe: Yeah, maybe.
 Rachel: And I-I am just trying to figure out why.
 Phoebe: Any luck?
 Rachel: Well, yeah, y'know how Ross and I were on again, off again, on
 again, off again? I guess I just figured that somewhere down the road, we would be on
 again.
 Monica: Again. Y'know what? I think we all did.
 Ross: (entering) Hey!
 Monica: Hey! (She jumps up and throws Emily's wedding dress into
 Rachel's room.)
 Ross: So, I got us some reservations for Sunday night, okay? How about,
 Ernie's at 9 o'clock?
 Rachel: Yeah, well, you uh, better make it for three.
 Ross: Oh, see I-I don't know if we're gonna be hungry at three.
 Rachel: Three people. Joshua's not gonna be there.
 Ross: What happened?
 Rachel: Uh, well, I think, I think he broke up with me.
 Ross: Noo. Why?
 Rachel: Well, apparently he scares easy.
 Ross: Oh, Rachel, I'm-I'm sorry.
 Rachel: It's okay. Sometimes, things don't work out the way you'd
 thought they would.
 Ross: Come here.
 (They hug.)
 Rachel: (breaking the hug) Oh, hey, don't you have to go pick up Emily?
 Ross: Yeah.
 Rachel: Yeah.
 Ross: You okay?
 Rachel: Yeah! I got my girls.
 (He leaves.)
 Rachel: Ugh. (She goes over and lays her head on Phoebe's lap.)
 Phoebe: (looks at Monica) Hey, y'know what might cheer you up?
 Rachel: What?
 [Time lapse, all three girls are now wearing wedding dresses, eating popcorn, drinking
 beer, and watching TV.]
 Rachel: Y'know, I gotta tell ya, this really does put in a better mood.
 Monica: Oh, I wish there was a job where I could wear this all the time. (Pause)
 Maybe someday, there will be.
 (There's a knock on the door.)
 Monica: Oh God! He's gonna come by and borrow some candles for his big
 date!
 Rachel: Oh, okay! (She goes to answer the door.)
 Monica: No-no, Rachel, don't get it! He can't see us!
 Phoebe: No, yeah! The groom cannot see the bride!
 Rachel: I'm not gonna marry Chandler!
 Phoebe: Not after this!
 Rachel: Okay, you guys, just relax. (She goes over to open the door, and as she
 does, she says.) I doooo. (Sees that it's Joshua, not Chandler that knocked on the
 door.)
 Joshua: I gotta go.
 Rachel: Oh, wait, Joshua! Joshua! (Pause) (Comes back inside) Yeah, well, that
 oughta do it.
 Closing Credits
 [Scene: Chandler's bedroom, he is sleeping with Marjorie. All of the sudden,
 Marjorie starts talking in her sleep, awakening Chandler. After a little bit, she quiets
 back down, and Chandler tries to get back to sleep. There's a short pause until she
 starts screaming, causing Chandler to scream with her. She quickly calms down. This all
 wakes up Joey, who comes over wearing the mouth guard, opens the top half of
 Chandler's door, and starts to complain about the noise.]


 The One With the Invitation
 The One With The Invitation
 Written by: Seth Kirkland
 Transcribed by: Eric Aasen
 With Help from: Darcy Partridge
 Episodes Orginally Transcribed by: guineapig,
 Ruth Curran, Mindy Mattingly Phillips, Josh
 Hodge, Dan Silverstein, and Eric Aasen.
 [Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Chandler are sitting and talking.]
 Chandler: Y'know what? It seems like all of the sudden; so much has
 happened.
 Joey: I know. Ross is getting married.
 Chandler: Phoebe is, making people.
 Joey: Everybody's doing stuff!
 Chandler: And we just sit here. I mean if I die the only way people would even
 know I was here, would be by the ass print on this chair! Look, we have to do something.
 Okay? Something huge!
 Joey: (snaps his fingers) We could climb Mt. Everest!
 Chandler: No-no, not something stupid, something huge.
 Joey: No-no-no-no-no, I saw an ad for this video, people climb that thing
 everyday! We could totally do that!
 Chandler: Why not?! I mean it's just, it's just climbing! It's
 just, it's just steep!
 Joey: Yeah!
 Chandler: We're going to Everest! Okay, it would be nice to leave an ass
 print on Everest!
 Phoebe: (entering) Hey!
 Joey: Hey!
 Phoebe: What-what's up?
 Joey: We're gonna climb Mt. Everest!
 Chandler: Yeah baby!
 Phoebe: Really?! I looked into that. Yeah, but, I mean it costs like $60,000 and
 y'know you can die. And, you would die!
 Chandler: (dejected) Yeah, well
 Joey: We could get that Everest video though.
 Chandler: Yeah, we could do that without y'know risking our lives at all!
 Joey: And while we're down at the video store, you know what else we could
 rent? Die Hard! (Chandler's excited.) Oh, y'know what? I just remembered,
 that Everest thing is only available through mail order.
 Chandler: (dejected) Oh, well
 Phoebe: So you guys'll stay here and hang out with me?
 Chandler: Yeeeeahhhh.
 Joey: Yeah. Yeah.
 Chandler: But I'll tell you something. One of these days we're get off
 of our buts and rent Die Hard again!
 Joey: Yeah we are!
 Opening Credits
 [Scene: Ross's apartment, he and Emily are addressing their invitations.]
 Emily: So what did he decide? Does your Uncle Nathan get an invite or not?
 Ross: Ohh, God, nobody likes him, and he's so cheap, he'd never fly to
 London in a million years. Yeah, invite him? Hey, did I do these neat enough? (Hands her
 some envelopes.)
 Emily: Yeah, they're fine.
 Ross: Yeah?
 Emily: If anyone asks, we'll just say Ben addressed them. (Looking through
 the envelopes.) Oh! So you invited Rachel then?
 Ross: Sure. Why not?
 Emily: Really?
 Ross: Yeah?
 Emily: I don't think I'd be comfortable with any of my old lovers
 there.
 Ross: Wait-wait-wait, do you, do you think, maybe we shouldn't invite her?
 Emily: Oh, no-no, y'know I absolutely adore Rachel it's just that,
 well it might be a awkward for you. But it's absolutely your decision. (Gets up.)
 More tea?
 Ross: Yeah sure.
 Emily: Earl Grey?
 Ross: Huh? Yeah, fine, invite whoever you want.
 [And with that we start off on a series of clips from the entire history of Ross and
 Rachel, from Ross's point of view. The first clip is from The Pilot.]
 [Scene: Central Perk, Ross is complaining about Carol.]
 Ross: I don't want to be single, okay? I just... I just- I just wanna be married
 again!
 (A woman enters wearing a wet wedding dress and frantically starts to look around.)
 Chandler: And I just want a million dollars! (He extends his hand hopefully.)
 Monica: Rachel?!
 Rachel: Oh God Monica hi! I just went to your building and you weren't there and
 then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here and you are, you are!
 [cut to later]
 Monica: Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor. (To
 Rachel) This is everybody, this is Chandler, and Phoebe, and Joey, and- you remember my
 brother Ross?
 Rachel: Hi, sure!
 Ross: Hi.
 (They go to hug but Ross' umbrella opens. He sits, defeated again.)
 [cut to later]
 [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are finishing up some cookies.]
 Ross: You know you probably didn't know this, but back in high school, I had a,
 um, major crush on you.
 Rachel: I knew.
 Ross: You did! Oh.... I always figured you just thought I was Monica's geeky
 older brother.
 Rachel: I did.
 Ross: Oh. Listen, do you think- and try not to let my intense vulnerability
 become any kind of a factor here but do you think it would be okay if I asked you
 out? Sometime? Maybe?
 Rachel: Yeah, maybe...
 Ross: Okay... okay, maybe I will...
 [The next clip is from The One With The Blackout.]
 [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are talking about passion.]
 Ross: See, I see.... big passion in your future.


Rachel: Really?
 Ross: I do.
 Rachel: Oh Ross, you're so great. [she playfully rubs his head and gets up]
 [Ross gets up, pleased with himself and starts to walk past Joey.]
 Joey: It's never gonna happen.
 [cut to later]
 [Scene: Monica and Rachel's balcony, Ross is about to be attacked by Paulo's cat.]
 Ross: Hey, I have a question. Well, actually, it's not so much a question as..
 more of a general wondering... ment.
 Rachel: Okay.
 Ross: Okay. Umm, for a while now, I've been wanting to, um....
 Rachel: Ohhh!!!! [looking at something behind Ross]
 Ross: Yes, yes, that's right...
 Rachel: Oh, look at the little cat! [a small kitten is on the roof behind Ross]
 Look at it!
 Ross: What? [the cat jumps on his shoulders] Ow!
 [Cut to inside, Monica, Joey and Phoebe are singing while outside, Ross and Rachel are
 trying to get the cat off of Ross' shoulder.]
 Monica, Joey, and Phoebe: [singing] I'm on top of the world,
 looking down on creation and the only explanation I can find...
 [The next clip is from The One With The East German Laundry Detergent.]
 [Scene: The Laundromat, Rachel is fighting with that old, annoying woman for a cart.]
 Rachel: All right, listen, missy. If you want this cart, you're gonna have to
 take me with it!
 (She thinks it over, and then walks away.)
 Rachel: (to Ross) Yes! Did you see that?
 Ross: You were incredible! Brand new woman, ladies and gentlemen.
 Rachel: I could not have done this without you.
 (Rachel stands up and kisses Ross. He is stunned. A moment of silence follows.)
 Ross: Ok, um, uh, more clothes in the dryer? (Ross turns and bangs his head on
 an open dryer door.) I'm fine, I'm fine.
 [The next clip is from The One Where Ross Finds Out]
 [Scene: Central Perk, I'm sure you've guessed, it's the famous fight scene between Ross
 and Rachel.]
 Ross: You had no right to tell me you ever had feelings for me.
 Rachel: (hurt) What?
 Ross: I was doing great with Julie before I found out about you.
 Rachel: Hey, I was doin' great before I found out about you. You think it's easy
 for me to see you with Julie?
 [cut to later]
 Ross: The point is I... I don't need this right now, OK. It, it's too late, I'm
 with somebody else, I'm happy. This ship has sailed.
 [cut to later]
 Rachel: Alright, fine, you go ahead and you do that, alright Ross.
 Ross: Fine.
 Rachel: 'Cause I don't need your stupid ship.
 Ross: Good.
 Rachel: Good. (Ross leaves)
 [cut to later]
 (Rachel slams the door and locks it. She sits down, visibly upset. She puts her head in
 her hands and begins to cry. Ross comes back and is standing outside the window. When
 Rachel regroups and gets back up to finish closing, she sees him.)
 [cut to later]
 (She opens the door and they kiss.)
 [The next clip is the second famous fight in The One Where Ross and Rachel Take A
 Break.]
 [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross and Rachel are arguing.]
 Rachel: Ross do you realise this is the first time in my life I'm doing
 something I actually care about. This is the first time in my life I'm doing
 something that I'm actually good at. I mean. if you don't get that...
 Ross: No, hey, I get that, okay, I get that big time. And I'm happy for ya,
 but I'm tired of having a relationship with your answering machine! Okay, I
 don't know what to do anymore.
 Rachel: Well neither do I!
 Ross: Is this about Mark?
 Rachel: (shocked) Oh my God.
 Ross: Okay, it's not, it's not.
 Rachel: Oh my God. I cannot keep having this same fight over and over again,
 Ross, no, you're, you're, you're making this too hard.
 Ross: Oh I'm, I'm making this too hard. Okay, what do you want me to
 do.
 Rachel: I don't know, I don't know. Urrrgh! Look, maybe we should take
 a break.
 Ross: Okay, okay, fine, you're right. Let's ah, let's take a
 break, (goes to the door) let's cool off, okay, let's get some frozen yogart, or
 something.. (opens the door)
 Rachel: No. (Ross is standing in the doorway.) A break from us.
 (Ross looks at her, then leaves slamming the door behind him.)
 [The next clip is from The One The Morning After]
 [Scene: Ross's apartment, Ross is hurrying Chloe out the door.]
 Chloe: Do I know why we're rushing?
 Ross: Yeah, y'know the ah, the girlfriend I told you about last night?
 (He's frantically throwing the cushions off of the couch looking for her other shoe)
 Well it turns out she ah, she wants to get back together with me. Oh, I found it!!
 Chloe: That's so great for you guys!
 Ross: Yeah!
 [cut to later]
 Chloe: Good luck, with your girlfriend.


Ross: Oh, thank you. (She goes to kiss him, but he holds her coat up between
 their faces to stop her.) Hey, hey. (opens the door, sees Rachel, and hides Chloe behind
 the door) Rachel!!!!
 Rachel: Hi. Ohhh, you got my message.
 Ross: Yeah, oh hey, you are right on time.
 Rachel: So what do you say? Can I be your girlfriend again?
 Ross: Yes, you can, very much.
 (Chloe gives Ross the thumbs up while still standing behind the door.)
 Ross: (seeing the thumbs up) Ahhhh!! (Hugs Rachel tighter.)
 [cut to later]
 [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel has just found out about Chloe and is screaming at
 Ross. The rest of the gang is trapped in Monica's bedroom.]
 Rachel: (opening the door) Y'know what, I want you to leave! Get outta here!
 Ross: No!!
 Rachel: Just get out! Now!!
 Ross: No!! No!! I wanna stay. I wanna talk about this.
 Rachel: Okay! All right! How was she?
 [Cut to Monica's bedroom]
 Chandler: Uh-oh.
 [Cut to Living Room]
 Ross: What?
 Rachel: Was she good?
 [Cut to Monica's bedroom]
 Joey: Don't answer that.
 [Cut to Living Room]
 Rachel: Come on Ross! You said you wanted to talk about it, let's talk
 about it!! How was she?
 Ross: She was...
 [Cut to Monica's bedroom]
 Joey: Awful! Horrible!
 Chandler: She was not good. Not good.
 Joey: She was nothing compared to you.
 [Cut to Living Room]
 Ross: She, she was different.
 [Cut to Monica's bedroom]
 Joey: Ewwwww!
 Chandler: Uh-oh.
 [Cut to Living Room]
 Rachel: Good different?
 Ross: Nobody likes change.
 (Rachel picks up a newspaper and starts beating him with it.)
 Ross: What? Okay, okay, okay, okay.
 [The next clip is from The One With The Jellyfish.]
 [Scene: Rachel's bedroom, Rachel, entering selfish mode, is thanking Ross for wrongly
 taking the entire blame of the breakup; as if she had absolutely nothing to do with it.]
 Rachel: ...the way you owned up to everything, it just showed me how much
 you've grown. Y'know? I mean my Mom never thought this would work out.
 It was all, 'Once a cheater, always a cheater.' Ooh, I just wish we
 hadn't lost those four months, but if time was what you needed just to gain a little
 perspective...
 Ross: WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!!!!!
 [Cut back to the present.]
 [Scene: A mailbox, Ross is mailing the invitations. He throws a bunch into the
 mailbox, but pauses with Rachel's. And it starts another round of clips.]
 [The One With The Fake Party]
 [Scene: The hallway, Rachel is convincing Ross that Emily is good for him.]
 Rachel: You seem to really like her.
 Ross: Yeah, I really do. Yeah, but what am I gonna do, I mean we-we both agreed
 that it was gonna be a two-week thing, y'know no commitment.
 Rachel: Ross, that girl just spent the entire evening talking to your friends,
 asking to hear stories about you, looking through Monica's photo albums, I mean you
 don't do that if you're just in it for two weeks.
 Ross: You think?
 Rachel: Yeah, you got like 14 hours until she has to be at the airport, and
 you're sitting here in the hallway with a 28-year-old cheerleader with a fat lip.
 Ross: Hey, you're right.
 Rachel: Yeah.
 [Cut back to the present, Ross is still looking at Rachel's invitation. Finally,
 he makes up his mind and mails it.]
 Commercial Break
 [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Joey, Monica, and Phoebe are opening their invitations.]
 Monica: Ohh, this is soo amazing! I can't believe my brother's getting
 married! And in London! It's so romantic!
 Joey: (taking apart the invitation) Hey, pretty smart! Tissue paper! You're
 at the wedding, you have to cry, 'Handkerchief?' 'No-no, I got my
 invitation.'
 Phoebe: Oooh look! Isn't this adorable, Ross let Ben address mine!
 Chandler: (entering) Hello!
 Joey: Hey!
 Monica: Hey!
 Phoebe: Hey! Hey, did you get your invitation to Ross's wedding?
 Chandler: (sarcastic) Noo.
 Joey: Don't worry man, I get to bring a guest. We'll show him.
 Phoebe: I'm so jealous you're all going! I can't believe I never
 knew that you can't fly in your third trimester!
 Chandler: I didn't know that.
 Monica: I never knew that either.
 Joey: I knew that! (They all look at him) I sooo didn't know that, but you
 should see your faces.
 Rachel: (entering) Hey guys! What's up?
 Joey: Heyyy. (They all try and hide their invitations.)
 Monica: We're hanging out.
 (Rachel starts going through her mail, and come across her invitation.)
 Rachel: What's this? Is this Ross's wedding invitation?
 Chandler: See, maybe that's the one we should've actually hidden.
 Rachel: Oh, no! No you guys! Come on, you don't have to do that! I'm
 happy for him! I am! I really I'm-I'm happ I'll work on it.
 Monica: I'm sorry honey.
 Rachel: Yeah.
 Monica: Rach, you're gonna come though aren't you?


Rachel: Oh, honey, I don't know. I
 Chandler: This isn't one of those uh, y'know 'If she doesn't
 come, we-we don't, we don't come?' Right? Because I already bought my
 ticket
 Monica: You know what would be real weird? Is if you weren't there. Just
 say you'll think about it, okay?
 Rachel: No, I'll think about it. Yeah.
 [And with that, we go into another set of clips, this time from Rachel's point of
 view.]
 [The first clip is from The One Where Rachel Finds Out.]
 [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, it's Rachel birthday party and Chandler is about to spill
 the beans.]
 Rachel: Who's this from?
 Chandler: Oh, that's Ross's.
 Rachel: Oh... (opens it and sees it is a pin) Oh my God. He remembered.
 Phoebe: Remembered what?
 Rachel: It was like months ago. We were walking by this antique store, and I saw
 this pin in the window, and I told him that it was just like one my grandmother had when I
 was a little girl. Oh! I can't believe he remembered!
 Phoebe: Oh, it's so pretty. This must have cost him a fortune.
 Monica: I can't believe he did this.
 Chandler: Come on, Ross? Remember back in college, when he fell in love with
 Carol and bought her that ridiculously expensive crystal duck?
 (Everyone looks at him. He realizes he just spilled the beans about Ross's crush on
 Rachel.)
 Rachel: What did you just say?
 Chandler: (stuttering incoherently) F-hah.... flennin....
 Rachel: Oh.... my God.
 [The next clip is from The One With Ross's New Girlfriend.]
 [Scene: The airport, Ross is about to walk off of the plane with Julie.]
 Rachel: (seeing Ross come off the plane with another woman.) Oh my God.
 [cut to later]
 [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is introducing Julie to the gang.]
 Julie: Well, Ross and I were in grad school together.
 Ross: But we haven't seen each other since then. Well I land in China, guess
 who's in charge of the dig.
 Rachel: Julie! Julie, isn't that great? I mean, isn't that just kick-
 you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic?
 [cut to later]
 [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Ross is trying to hang up on Julie.]
 Ross: Oh, that is so sweet.(listens) No, no, ok, you hang up. Ok, ok, one, two,
 three.(He doesn't hang up and motions for Rachel to be quiet.) Well you didn't hang up
 either.
 Rachel: She didn't hang up either...
 Ross: Ok, no, no, you hang up. You, you, y (Rachel grabs the phone
 and hangs it up for him.)
 [The next clip is from The One Where Ross Finds Out.]
 [Scene, A Restaurant, Rachel is on her date, drunk, and is leaving that answering
 machine message.]
 Rachel: (on phone) Ross, hi, it's Rachel. I'm just calling to say that um,
 everything's fine and I'm really happy for you and your cat...(cut)...I
 am over you. I am over you and that, my friend, is what they call closure. (She hangs up
 and tosses phone in the ice bucket.)
 [cut to later]
 [Scene, Monica and Rachel's, the next morning, Ross is checking his messages.]
 Ross: Rach, I got a message from you.
 (Rachel comes out of her room, suddenly she remembers leaving the message.)
 Rachel: Oh my God. Oh my God Ross, no, hang up the phone, give me the phone
 Ross, give me the phone, give me the phone, give me the. . . (She jumps the couch and
 lands on Ross's back, finally getting the phone from him. Ross has a confused expression
 on his face.)
 Ross: You're over me?
 Rachel: Ohhhhhhhh God. (climbs off his back)
 Ross: Wha... you're uh, you're, you're over me?
 Rachel: Ohh, ohh.
 Ross: When, when were you... under me?
 Rachel: Well, basically, lately, I've uh, I've uh, sort of had feelings for you.
 [cut to later in the same scene]
 Ross: OK, I need to lie down.
 [The next clip is from The One With The List.]
 [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross has just broken up with Julie and is about to get
 with Rachel.]
 Joey: He broke up with Julie. Well, go hug her, for god's sakes.
 Rachel: Really?
 Ross: Really. It's always been you, Rach.
 Rachel: Oh, god.
 (Ross and Rachel hug.)
 Chandler and Joey: Ohhh.
 [The next clip is from The One Where Ross and Rachel.... You Know.]
 [Scene: The Auditorium, Ross and Rachel are about to... you know.]
 Ross: I've no idea, could be. Listen, I'm sorry I had to work tonight.
 Rachel: Oh it's OK. You were worth the wait, and I don't just mean tonight.
 (They kiss and start undressing. As Rachel tries to pull off Ross's tie she catches it
 in his mouth. Then they roll across the fur rug.)
 Rachel: Ah, oh God. Oh, honey, oh that's OK.
 Ross: What. Oh no, you just rolled over the juice box.
 [The next clip is from The One The Morning After.]
 [Scene: Central Perk, Ross is trying to prevent Gunther from spilling the beans.]


Ross: Gunther! Gunther. Gunther, please tell me you didn't say anything to
 Rachel about me and the girl from the Xerox place.
 Gunther: I'm sorry. Was I not supposed to?
 (Ross turns around and sees Rachel sitting by the window. She is just glaring at him.)
 [The next clip is from The One At The Beach.]
 [Scene: The beachhouse, Ross and Rachel are argueing about the breakup.]
 Ross: Y'know, hey! You're the one who ended it, remember?
 Rachel: Yeah, because I was mad at you, not because I stopped loving you!
 Ross: You still love me?
 Rachel: Noo.
 [cut to later]
 Ross: What does this mean? What do you, I mean do you wanna, get back together?
 Rachel: Noo! Maybe! I, I don't know.
 Ross: What?!
 Rachel: I just, I feel, I-I just...
 (Ross leans in and kisses her. They both look at each other for a moment, and then
 embrace in a more passionate kiss.)
 [The next clip is from The One With The Jellyfish.]
 [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel and Ross are finally breaking up for good, or is
 it?]
 Rachel: Y'know I can't believe I even thought about getting back
 together again! We are so over!!
 Ross: (starts to cry) FINE BY ME!! (he opens the door and traps Chandler behind
 it)
 [cut to later]
 Rachel: And hey! Just so you know, it's not that common! It doesn't
 happen to every guy! And it is a big deal!!
 Chandler: I KNEW IT!!!!
 [cut back to the present.]
 [Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is deciding on whether or not to go to the wedding.]
 [cut to another clip, this one is from The One With The Prom Video]
 [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is watching the Prom Video and Rachel is about to
 make her entrance on the video. The italics are portions of the prom video.]
 Mrs. Geller: Rachel's coming up the path. Doesn't she look
 pretty. Jack... (Rachel enters with a huge nose)
 Rachel: Oh my God.
 Monica: You know what this is, this is us getting ready for the prom.
 Rachel: Oh.
 Ross: You know what, you guys, we don't have to watch this.
 All: Oh yeah we do. C'mon.
 Mrs. Geller: Get a shot of Monica. Where's Monica.
 Mr. Geller: Wait, how do you zoom out? (zooms out and we see an
 extremely overweight Monica eating a big sandwich) There she is.
 Monica: Shut up, the camera adds ten pounds.
 Chandler: Ahh, so how many cameras are actually on you?
 [cut to later]
 Monica: Oh, dad, turn it off.
 Mr. Geller: It is off. Right Ross? (pans over to see Ross with
 an afro and moustache)
 Joey: Lookin' good Mr. Cotter.
 [cut to later]
 Rachel: I can't go to my own prom without a date, I can't, it's too
 late.
 Monica: If you're not going then I don't want to go either.
 Mrs. Geller: (to Ross on the stairs) I have a wonderful idea. You
 should take Rachel to the prom.
 [cut to later]
 Ross: Y'know what? I think we've seen enough, let's turn it off.
 All: No, no, no.
 Ross: OK, fine, well I'm not gonna watch, alright.
 Mr. Geller: C'mon kid, let's go.
 Mrs. Geller: Ahh, are you hadsome.
 Mr. Geller: Let's show 'em.
 Ross: (walks down the stairs and grabs the flowers out of the vase on
 the endtable) Okay dad.
 Mr. Geller: (going downstairs) Rachel, ready or not, here comes your
 knight in shining Oh no. (Chip has shown up and the four are leaving.)
 Rachel, Monica, Roy, and Chip: Bye.
 Mrs. Geller: Oh, dear. Jack, how do I turn this off?
 Monica: (to Ross) I can't believe you did that.
 Ross: Yeah, well.
 [Rachel, seeing what he did for her, gets up, walks across the room, and kisses Ross]
 Phoebe: See, he's her lobster.
 [Cut back to the present, Rachel has made her decision.]
 Monica: (seeing the decision) Nooooo. You're really not going?
 Rachel: Yeah. It's just gonna be too hard. Y'know? I mean, it's
 Ross. How can I watch him get married? Y'know it's just, it's for the best,
 y'know it is, it's  Y'know, plus, somebody's got to stay here
 with Phoebe! Y'know she's gonna be pretty big by then, and she needs someone to
 help her tie her shoes; drive her to the hospital in case she goes into labour.
 Monica: You don't have a car. And your license expired.
 Rachel: I know. (Starts to cry) Yeah, see, there's so much to do and I have
 so little time to do it in.
 Closing Credits
 [Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe are reading a book about things to do
 whilst in London.]
 Chandler: All right, check it out. Check this out. It says here that
 there's a place you can go to rent videos of all the museums! (Reading from the
 book.) 'It's almost as good as being there.'


 The One With The Worst Best Man Ever
 The One With The Worst Best Man Ever
 Teleplay by: Michael Curtis
 Story by: Seth Kurland
 Transcribed by: Eric Aasen
 [Scene: Central Perk, the gang is there, Phoebe is returning from the bathroom.]
 Phoebe: (angrily) That's like the tenth time I've peed since I've
 been here!
 Monica: That's also like the tenth time you told us.
 Phoebe: Yeah, oh I'm sorry, it must be really hard to hear! I tell ya,
 it's a lot easier having three babies play Bringing in the Noise, Bringing in da Funk
 on your bladder! I'm so sick of being pregnant! The only happiness I get is from a
 cup of coffee, which of course is decaf,  cause Oh! I'm pregnant!
 Ross: Pheebs, did you want a cookie?
 Phoebe: (starting to cry) Thank you so much.
 Rachel: So uh, Pheebs, honey, how are those mood swings coming?
 Phoebe: I haven't really had any yet.
 (Monica, Joey, and Chandler all shake their heads.)
 Opening Credits
 [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler are there as Ross enters.]
 Ross: Hey guys!
 Chandler: Hey.
 Joey: Hey!
 Ross: All right, here's the ring. (Shows Chandler the wedding ring he plans
 on giving Emily)
 Chandler: (shocked) Yes! Yes! A thousand times, yes!
 Ross: So uh, any ideas for the bachelor party yet?
 Joey: Whoa-whoa-whoa! Before you start handing out wedding rings and planning
 bachelor parties, don't you have to decide who your best man is gonna be?
 Chandler: Oh, it's awkward. It's awkward. It's awkward.
 Ross: I sort've already asked Chandler.
 Joey: What?! He got to do it at your first wedding!
 Ross: Joey, I figured you'd understand. I mean, I-I've known him a lot
 longer.
 Joey: Come on Ross! Look, I-I don't have any brothers; I'll never get
 to be a best man!
 Chandler: You can be the best man when I get married.
 Joey: (pause) I'll never get to be a best man!
 Ross: (to Chandler) Wait-wait, so, you get to be my best man twice and I never
 get to be yours at all?
 Chandler: Oh no-no-no, you yeah, of course you get to be my best man.
 Joey: (impatiently tapping Chandler on the shoulder) What about me?! You-you
 just said I could!
 Chandler: I'm not even getting married! Okay, this is a question for
 science fiction writers!
 Joey: I can't believe you're not picking me.
 Ross: Hey, how can it not be me?!HeyHey!
 Chandler: I'm not even  I'm not even
 Ross: Fine, y'know what, that's it. From now on, Joey, I want you to
 be my best man.
 Joey: Yes! (to Chandler) Shame about you man.
 [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe are eating breakfast.]
 Phoebe: (to her babies) Stop it!
 Monica: What?
 Phoebe: One of the babies is kicking.
 Monica: I thought that was a good thing.
 Phoebe: It's not kicking me, it's kicking one of the other babies. Oh
 (looks down her dress)! Don't make me come in there!
 Joey: (entering) Hey!
 Monica: Hey!
 Joey: Do you guys have like a big bowl I can borrow?
 Monica: Yeah, there's one right under the cabinet.
 Joey: (grabs it) Thanks.
 Monica: Why do you need it?
 Joey: Oh, we're having a big party tomorrow night. Later! (Starts for the
 door.)
 Rachel: Whoa! Hey-hey, you planning on inviting us?
 Joey: Nooo, later. (Walks out the door.)
 Phoebe: Hey!! Get your ass back here, Tribbiani!! (Joey walks back in, scared.)
 Rachel: Hormones!
 Monica: What Phoebe meant to say was umm, how come you're having a party
 and we're not invited?
 Joey: Oh, it's Ross's bachelor party.
 Monica: Sooo?
 Joey: Are you bachelors?
 Monica: Nooo!
 Joey: Are you strippers?
 Rachel: Nooo!
 Joey: Then you're not invited. (Starts for the door again.)
 Rachel: All right fine! You're not invited to the party we're gonna
 have either.
 Joey: Oh-whoa, what party?
 Rachel: Well umm
 Monica: The baby shower for Phoebe!
 Joey: Baby shower. Wow! That sounds sooo like something I don't want to do!
 Later! (Finally, he makes his exit.)
 Phoebe: I can't believe I'm gonna have a party! This is so great!
 (Really excited) A party! (Really, really excited) Yay!! (Suddenly, she starts crying and
 Rachel moves to comfort her.) I don't know why.
 [Scene: Central Perk, Joey and Ross are talking over party plans.]
 Joey: This is what I've got going for the party so far, liquor wise. Get a
 lot of liquor.
 Ross: Great. Great.
 Joey: Okay, now uh, in terms of the invite list, I've got you, me, and
 Chandler and I'm gonna invite Gunther  cause, well, we've been talking
 about this pretty loud.
 Gunther: I'll be there.
 Joey: All right oh! Listen, I know this is your party, but I'd really
 like to the number of museum geeks that are gonna be there.
 Ross: Yeah. Tell ya what, let's not invite any of the anthropologists, only
 the dinosaur dudes!


Joey: Okay! We'll need a six-pack of Zima.
 Chandler: (entering) Hey guys, what are you doing?
 Ross: Oh, just planning my bachelor party with my best man.
 Chandler: Yeah, well, good luck trying to top the last one.
 Ross: Yeah, see, I don't think it's gonna that difficult considering
 this one won't be taking place in the basement of a Pizza Hut.
 Chandler: Oh, I'm Ross. I'm Ross. I'm too good for the Hut;
 I'm too good for the Hut.
 Ross: Look, I gotta go pick up Ben. Everything so far sounds great Joey, just
 remember to keep it on the mellow side, okay? Just a couple of guys hanging out playing
 poker, no-no strippers or anything okay?
 Joey: You got it.
 Ross: Okay, see ya later.
 Chandler: See ya. (Ross exits, and Chandler moves over next to Joey, laughing.)
 Have fun planning your mellow bachelor party.
 Joey: Well, there's gonna be strippers there. He didn't say anything
 about no strippers.
 Chandler: He just said, 'No strippers.'
 Joey: Oh, I chose not to hear that.
 [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is returning from shopping and Rachel is there.]
 Monica: Look what I got! Look what I got! Look what I got! (She shows Rachel
 what she bought. She bought a little leather jacket and a little cowboy outfit for the
 babies.) Can you believe they make these for little people?
 Rachel: Little village people.
 Monica: Okay, look at this one. This is my favourite. (It's a little pink
 and white dress for the girl baby.)
 Rachel: Oh, that is so sweet!
 Monica: I know! Phoebe is gonna love dressing them in these!
 Rachel: Huh. Except, Phoebe's not gonna be the one that gets to dress them.
 Monica: Because she's not gonna get to keep the babies.
 Rachel: Oh my God! We are throwing the most depressing baby shower ever!
 Monica: Wait a minute! Unless, we give her all gifts she can use after
 she's done being pregnant. Like-like umm, regular coffee, Tequila.
 Rachel: Oh, and somebody can get those leather pants she's always wanted!
 Monica: Oh, she's gonna love that!
 [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe's baby shower, she is holding those leather
 pants, and isn't happy about it.]
 Phoebe: What the hell is this?! What, did you actually thought it would make me
 feel better to give me stuff that I can't use for another two months?! This sucks!
 All right, what's my next present?!
 All: I don't have anything. (All of the rest of the women there hide their
 gifts behind their backs.)
 [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Ross's bachelor party. Ross is thanking Joey for the
 party.]
 Ross: Hey listen man, about the stripper
 Joey: Yeah?
 Ross: Good call!
 Chandler: (banging a spoon against his beer bottle) Okay, a little announcement,
 a little announcement. I've decided that my best man is, my best friend Gunther!
 Gunther: What's my last name?
 Chandler: Central Perk?
 Gunther: (to Ross) Thanks for not marrying Rachel. (He starts to leave.)
 Joey: Oh-whoa-wait, Gunther don't-don't forget your shirt. (He gives
 Gunther his shirt and Gunther leaves.)
 Ross: Hey-hey, what are those?
 Joey: Oh, little party favours, check it out! (It's a shirt that reads,
 'Ross Geller, Bachelor Bash 1998')
 Ross: Wow! Yeah!
 Joey: Oh-oh! (Shows him what's on the back, 'Best Man Joey Tribbiani,
 with a huge picture of him.)
 Chandler: (banging on the bottle again) Okay, okay, a little announcement, I
 just want everyone to know that the position of my best man is still open! And uh, (to the
 stripper) so is the position of the bride.
 The Stripper: Great!
 Ross: Smooth man. Yeah, you got some chilie on your neck. (Chandler checks and
 runs into the bathroom.) Well, I just want to say, thanks everyone, this-this was great.
 And hey! See you guys Monday morning. (They museum geeks wave at him.) Thanks Joey.
 Joey: Oh, hey, don't forget your shirt.
 Ross: Oh, thanks! (Takes it and throws it back into the box and leaves.)
 Joey: Okay, hey, museum geeks, party's over. Okay. Wave bye-bye to the nice
 lady. There you go. Back to your parent's basement. All right. (The museum geeks exit
 and Joey unlocks his door and lets the chick and the duck out.) Come on boys, come on out!
 Here you go. All right.
 The Stripper: Ohhh, look at the little birdies! Are those yours?
 Joey: Yeah!
 The Stripper: Wow, I didn't know they let you keep chickens and ducks as
 pets.
 Joey: Oh yeah-yeah. And I got the duck totally trained. Watch this. Stare at the
 wall. (The duck complies.) Hardly move. (The duck complies.) Be white. (The duck
 complies.)
 The Stripper: You are really good at that. So uh, I had fun tonight, you throw
 one hell of a party.
 Joey: Oh thanks. Thanks. It was great meetin' ya. And listen if any of my
 friends gets married, or have a birthday, or a Tuesday
 The Stripper: Yeah, that would be great. So I guess umm, good night.


Joey: Oh unless you uh, you wanna hang around.
 The Stripper: Yeah?
 Joey: Yeah. I'll let you play with my duck.
 [Scene: Joey's bedroom, it's the middle of the night, he's waking up and
 discovers he's alone in bed.]
 Joey: Hey, (realises he doesn't know her name.) stripper! (He notices that
 the ring box is open, so he picks it up, sees it's empty and starts to panic.)
 Commercial Break
 [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, it's continued from earlier. Joey is now waking
 Chandler and telling him the news.]
 Joey: (running and banging on Chandler's door) The stripper stole the
 ring!! The stripper stole the ring!! Chandler! Chandler, get up! Get up! The stripper
 stole the ring!
 Chandler: (opening the door) What?
 Joey: The ring is gone!
 Chandler: Ugh. Just a sec, give me a minute to wake up for this Ah-ha-ha!!
 You lost the ring! You're the worst best man ever!
 Joey: Dude, this isn't funny! What am I gonna do?! I go to bed last night,
 everything's cool! I wake up this morning, the stripper's gone and the ring is
 gone!
 Chandler: You slept with the stripper?
 Joey: Of course!! (Shrugs.)
 [Scene: Central Perk, Phoebe is entering, Monica and Rachel are talking on the couch.]
 Phoebe: Hi, guys.
 Rachel: Hi! Phoebe. (Both Monica and her try to move out of Phoebe's way.)
 Monica: Hi Phoebe.
 Phoebe: I-I wanted to apologise if I y'know seemed a tad edgy
 yesterday at my shower. Y'know it's just the hormones, y'know.
 Rachel: No we
 Monica: Hormones.
 Rachel:  hormones, yeah.
 Phoebe: Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you, it was just, it was so sweet.
 (She goes to hug them and they both flinch, thinking that Phoebe is about to attack them.)
 Monica: Wow, you seem to be doing so much better. That's great. So how-how
 are things going?
 Phoebe: Good. Y'know no-no, okay, it's-it feels like
 everything's been about me lately, so what's happening with you?
 Rachel: Oh, well, actually we were just talking about me not going to
 Ross's wedding.
 Phoebe: Oh!
 Rachel: It just might be too hard, given the history and all that
 Phoebe: Wow! This reminds me of the time when I was umm, living on the street
 and this guy offered to buy me food if I slept with him.
 Rachel: Well, h-how is this like that?
 Phoebe: Well, let's see, it's not. Really, like that. Because, you see
 that was an actual problem, and uh, yours is just like y'know a bunch of
 y'know high school crap that nobody really gives y'know
 Rachel: (starting to cry) I'm-I'm sorry, I just thought that
 Phoebe: Alrighty, here come the water works. (Rachel starts crying harder.)
 [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey is trying to figure out what to do.]
 Joey: Ugh! I don't know what I'm going to do! I called the company
 that sent and th-they don't care! Then I called 9-1-1 and they laughed at me, if this
 isn't an emergency, then what is?
 Ross: (entering) Hey guys!
 Chandler: Hey!
 Joey: Hey
 Ross: I just wanted to thank you again for last night, what a great party! And
 the guys from work had a blast. Y'know, one of them had never been to a bachelor
 party before. Yeah! And-and another one had never been to a party before, so
 Joey: So uh, hey, that uh, that wedding ring, huh? Man, that's nice!
 Ross: Yeah, right!
 Joey: I was uh, I was thinking I might want to pick one of those babies up for
 myself, I might want to get one of those
 Ross: That ring? When my grandmother first came to this country, that ring and
 the clothes on her back were all she had with her.
 Chandler: So you might say, the ring is irreplaceable? (Gives Joey a little
 squeeze.)
 Ross: Oh absolutely! It has been in my family for generations, and every bride
 who has worn it has had a long and happy life.
 Chandler: So you might say, it's a magic ring.
 Joey: (laughs, softly) Yeah, the stripper stole it.
 Ross: My-my ring? My-my wedding ring? The-the stripper stole my wedding ring?!
 H-how?! How could this all happen?!
 Chandler: Well, I think it all started when you said, 'Hey Joey, why
 don't you be my best man.'
 Ross: (dialling the phone) All right-all right, fine! I-I'm gonna call the
 cops!
 Joey: Dude, I screwed up, you don't have to turn me in!
 Ross: Not on you! On the stripper!
 Joey: Oh, yeah, well I already did that! They said they're gonna look into
 it right after they solved all the murders.
 Ross: Okay, well, we'll call the company that sent her!
 Joey: I did that too! They wouldn't give me her real name or her number.
 They said, 'If I bothered them again they'd call the police.' I said,
 'If you talk to the police, you tell them I'm missing a ring!'


Ross: So what, Joey? Wh-wh-what? What are you telling me? That there's
 nothing we can do? Well, how could this happen?!
 Joey: Look Ross, I am so-so sorry. I-I-I
 Chandler: Well, what if we just ah, called her, used a fake name, and had her
 come to my office?
 Joey: Oh, that sounds like fun, but we've got a ring to find!!
 [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica and Rachel are cautiously serving Phoebe some tea.]
 Monica: Here's your tea Phoebe. (They give it to her and quickly take a
 step back.)
 Phoebe: (sips it) It's so good. (Monica and Rachel breath a sigh of
 relief.) Oh, thanks.
 Rachel: Good.
 Monica: I'm so glad you liked it.
 Phoebe: (sets the cup down) Oh! (Grabs her stomach in pain.)
 Monica: What?!
 Rachel: What?! She made the tea! (Points to Monica.)
 Phoebe: Oh! No, I-I think I just had a contraction.
 Rachel: You what?
 Monica: Oh my God!
 Phoebe: Yeah, I thought I had one a couple of minutes ago, and now I know that
 was definitely one.
 Monica: Wait, you can't have the baby here! I mean I haven't
 sterilised it since the guys moved out!
 Rachel: Okay. It's okay. We're gonna be okay. Y'know what?
 It's okay. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna boil some water and just
 rip up some sheets!
 Phoebe: No. It's all right; it's probably false labour. They said
 that, that can happen near the end, just somebody get the book.
 Monica: Rachel, get the book! The book!
 Rachel: Okay! (Runs and grabs a book and hands it to Monica.) Okay! Here!
 Monica: The Bible?!
 Rachel: I don't know!
 [Scene: Chandler's office, the guys are there waiting to ambush the stripper.]
 Joey: All right, okay, this is great, uh, Chandler, you get behind the desk.
 And-and when she comes in hopefully, she won't recognise you because, well, why would
 she? Uh, okay, and then you buzz Ross and I. (to Ross) You be Mr. Gonzalez, and I'll
 be uh, Mr. Wong.
 Ross: Diverse.
 (There's a knock on the door.)
 The Stripper: Did anybody call for security?
 Chandler: (to Ross) You be cool. (He opens the door and lets her in as they all
 turn there backs on her.)
 The Stripper: Okay, which one of you guys is Gunther Central-Perk? (Sees Joey.)
 Hey, Joey?
 Ross: Where's my ring? My dead grandmother's wedding ring? Where is
 it? Where is it?
 Chandler: Way to be cool, man.
 The Stripper: What's he talking about?
 Joey: There was a ring, in a box, on my nightstand, after you left, it was gone!
 The Stripper: Wait, you guys think I stole some ring?
 The Guys: Yeah!
 Ross: We know you took so just-just save yourself the time and confess!
 The Stripper: Okay, who are you? The Hardy boys? Look, I don't need to
 steal some stupid ring, all right? I make $1,600 a week doing what I do; any of you guys
 make that?
 Chandler: Marry me. (Both Ross and Chandler hit him.)
 [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, the guys are now trying to figure out what next to do,
 since their plan with the stripper backfired on them.]
 Joey: I don't get it! It was in my room all night! And if she didn't
 take it, and I didn't take it; and you (Chandler) didn't take it, then who did?
 (The duck quacks.) Shh! We're trying to think! (Ross and Chandler realise it at the
 same moment and stare at Joey, who doesn't get it. After a short pause, with the duck
 still quacking, Joey figures it out and starts pointing at the duck.)
 [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is recovering from her false labour.]
 Rachel: I still don't get how you know when it's false labour.
 Phoebe: Well, do you see any babies?
 Monica: How do you feel?
 Phoebe: Okay, I guess. I mean  I don't know, it's just, I guess I
 know it's going to be over soon.
 Rachel: Well, isn't that a good thing? You said you were sick of this.
 Phoebe: I know. It's just y'know usually when you're, when
 you're done with the pregnant thing, y'know, then you get to do the mom thing.
 I'm gonna be y'know, sitting around in my leather pants, drinking Tequila.
 Monica: Some moms do that.
 Phoebe: Okay that's even sadder. Look, I know, I know what I got myself
 into, it's just that now that they're in me it's like, it's like I
 know them y'know, I mean-I mean, it's just not gonna be easy when these little
 babies have to go away.
 Monica: Aww, sweetie, but it's not like you're not gonna have
 anything. You're gonna have nieces and nephews, and some ways that's even
 better.
 Phoebe: Yeah, okay.
 Rachel: No, really. Really, Pheebs, you're not gonna be the one worrying
 about saving for college, or yelling at them when they're bad, y'know, or
 deciding to put them on Ritalin when they just won't calm down. Y'know?


 The One With Ross's Wedding Parts I and II
 The One With Ross's Wedding Parts I and II
 Part I Written by: Michael Borkow
 Part II Teleplay by: Shana Goldberg-Meehan & Scott Silveri
 Part II Story by: Jill Condon & Amy Toomin
 Part I Transcribed by: Eric Aasen
 Part II Transcribed by: Aaron D. Miller
 [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler are getting ready for the flight to
 London and Monica comes running in.]
 Monica: Guys, hurry up! The flight leaves in four hours! It could take time to
 get a taxi! There could be traffic! The plane could leave early! When we get to London,
 there could be a line at customs! Come on!! (She runs back to her apartment.)
 Chandler: Six-hour trip to London. That's a lot of Monica.
 [Cut to the girls' apartment, Monica is putting things into her purse as Phoebe
 and Rachel watch.]
 Monica: Passport, check! (As she puts away each item, she says check.) Camera,
 check! Traveller's cheques, check!
 Rachel: Who are you saying 'check' too?
 Monica: Myself. Y'know for remembering to pack a thing. Yeah, you do a good
 thing, you get a check! (pause) My mom does it, I never realized it was weird.
 Phoebe: Yeah, my mom used to put her head in the oven. Well, actually, she only
 did it the one time. But it was pretty weird.
 Ross: (entering) Hey!
 Monica: Hey!
 Ross: Hey! Are you ready yet?
 Monica: Yep! You got the tickets?
 Ross: Oh! Got  em right here, (Pats his coat pocket) check!
 [Cut to the guys' apartment.]
 Joey: It's all London, baby! Here we go. (He takes a picture of a less than
 enthused Chandler and starts towards the girls' apartment.)
 Chandler: You got your passport?
 Joey: Yeah, in my third drawer on my dresser. You don't want to lose that.
 (Chandler glares at him. At first Joey doesn't know why, it takes him a little bit
 to figure it out.)
 Joey: Ohh!! (Runs to his room.)
 Chandler: There it is.
 Opening Credits
 [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier, Monica is telling Phoebe where
 everything is.]
 Monica: Okay, if you need the vacuum, it's in my closet on the left-hand
 side. Ah, the garbage bags are next to the refrigerator
 Phoebe: Okay, okay, but Rachel's gonna be here too, can't I just ask
 her this stuff?
 Monica: Yeah, okay, give that a try!
 Chandler: (entering, with Joey) All right! Let's do it!
 Joey: Woo-hoo!!
 Ross: Yeah, cheerie-o!
 Joey: London baby!
 Chandler: Okay,  cause that's not gonna get annoying.
 Joey: (louder) London baby!!
 Chandler: Hey, y'know what? I was wrong.
 Ross: Well, we're all here! I guess we should get going!
 Phoebe: Ohhh, I wanna come over there and give you a hug and wish you luck on
 your wedding, but I don't can't get up.
 Ross: Oh, I'll-I'll come hug you.
 Phoebe: Great! Yeah, could you bring me the newspaper?
 Ross: Yeah. (He does so and Phoebe hugs him.)
 Phoebe: Oh, have a great wedding!
 Ross: Thanks.
 Phoebe: Oh, hey, Chandler I wanna hug you too!
 Chandler: Hey! (Trots over)
 Phoebe: Oh, and great! You might as well bring me my book, it's on the
 counter in your apartment.
 Chandler: Oh. (Goes and gets Phoebe's book as Rachel comes in from her
 room.)
 Ross: (to Rachel) So, we're off.
 Rachel: Have fun!
 Ross: Thanks! (They hug.) Ugh, I can't believe you're not gonna be
 there!
 Rachel: Oh, I know.
 Ross: So-so come! Why don't you come?
 Rachel: What?!
 Ross: To London! Come to London. Please? It'll mean so much to me.
 Rachel: Yeah, well, I gotta work, I'm sorry.
 Ross: Why-why can't you take a couple of days off?
 Rachel: Because, I can't! Ross, I told you, no. I can't.
 Ross: This is my wedding.
 Monica: All right, y'know what? We really are late! Let's go!
 Let's go! Let's go!!
 Ross: Fine. You'll-you'll watch it on video when we get back.
 Chandler: (entering, with Phoebe's book.) Here you go Phoebe! Here you go
 Phobo! Phewbedo! Phaybobo.
 Phoebe: (laughs) Thank you.
 (Chandler kneels down with his arms spread waiting for his hug.
 Phoebe: Thank you. (She pats him on his head.)
 Ross: All right, let's go! Bye, Pheebs!
 Joey: Bye, Pheebs!
 (They all start out, Rachel gives each one a kiss, and says 'bye.' In the
 hall, Joey says )
 Joey: London baby!! (And Rachel slowly closes the door, sadly.)
 Phoebe: Oh, do you need a hug? You don't have to bring me anything!
 (And with that, television history is made as, for the first time ever, an entire show
 moves it's entire production to an entirely different country to make a single
 episode. We get shots of Buckingham Palace, London Bridge, Big Ben, and the London
 Marriott as Joey and Chandler exit.)
 [Scene: Street in front of the London Marriott, Joey and Chandler exit. Joey is
 carrying a video camera and is shooting Chandler.]


Joey: Come on! Do something!
 Chandler: I am, I'm ignoring you.
 Joey: Okay, here! (Gives him the camera.) I wanna be the on camera guy. All
 right, first stop, Westminster Abbey. (Joey folds out his 'pop-up' map of
 London. All of the major landmarks pop-up like in a pop-up book.)
 Chandler: Oh, what the hell is that?
 Joey: It's London, baby! All right, the hotel's here. (Points to the
 map.) Wait. No, we wanna go  No. I know. (Sets the map down.) I'm gonna have to
 go into the map. (So Joey literally steps into the map.)
 Chandler: Okay, if you see a little version of me in there? Kill it!
 Joey: I got it! (Picks up the map and starts walking.) Here we go.
 Chandler: Okay. Listen-listen, we're not gonna have to walk this way the
 entire time are we?
 Joey: Shhh! (Pause) Man, you made me lose it! (He goes into the map again.)
 [Scene: Another street, somewhere along the River Themes, Ross, Emily, and Monica are
 walking to where they're gonna get married. Emily is relating the troubles with the
 caterer.]
 Emily:  and that was all before 10 o'clock. The caterer rang and said
 it was going to be Chicken Kiev instead of Chicken Tarragon. And then the florist phoned
 to say there aren't any tulips. Oh, and the chilliest has carpel-tunel syndrome.
 We're not gonna be
 Ross: Whoa-whoa-whoa! Emily, (Gives her the time-out signal.) honey, okay?
 Emily: Well, up yours too!
 Ross: What?! No! No! That's-that's time-out!
 Emily: Sorry.
 Ross: Sweetie, you gotta relax. Everything's gonna be great, okay? Come on.
 Come on.
 Monica: Chicken Kiev?
 Ross: Um-hmm! Doesn't that sound delicious at the last minute?
 Monica: Yeah, y'know, but something like salmon which would be so much more
 elegant than the chicken. And, you wouldn't have to worry about the salmonella. (Ross
 pushes her.) So, I can't wait to see this place you're getting married!
 Ross: Yeah. Yeah. Yes, this place is beautiful. Emily's parents got married
 here.
 Emily: I still can't believe they're tearing it down. It really is the
 most lovely building you'll ever see. I mean it's over  (She stops
 suddenly, when she sees that demolition has already started.) Oh my God!
 Monica: It's nice.
 Emily: Oh. Oh. (She starts running towards the building.)
 [Cut to inside.]
 Emily: (running in, with Ross) Oh. Oh my God. How can this be happening? What
 are we going to do?
 Ross: It's all right! Everything's gonna be all right.
 Emily: How's it gonna be all right?!
 Ross: Uh-huh, I see that.
 Monica: (entering) Okay, I talked to the guy with the shovel and I found out
 what happened.
 Ross: What? What?
 Monica: They torn it down a few days early.
 [Scene: Westminster Abbey, Joey and Chandler have successfully navigated the streets of
 London and are approaching the Abbey.]
 Joey: All right! Westminster Abbey! Hands down, best Abbey I've ever seen.
 Hey! (Pushes Chandler in front of the camera.) Okay. What do you think of the Abbey,
 Chandler?
 Chandler: I think it's great. It's great. Y'know, they're
 thinking of changing the name of this place.
 Joey: Really? To what?
 Chandler: To Put the Camera Away!!!
 Joey: Man, you are Westminster Crabby. (He starts chasing Chandler
 towards the Abbey.)
 [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is trying to move off of the couch as Rachel
 enters.]
 Phoebe: Oh. Oh.
 Rachel: Oh, honey! Don't get up! What do you need?
 Phoebe: Oh, no. Oh, nothing.
 Rachel: Come on! I am here to take care of you! What do you need? Anything.
 Phoebe: Okay, I have a wedgie.
 Rachel: Okay, that is all you.
 Phoebe: So-so, what do you want for lunch?
 Rachel: Oh, I don't know. I guess we have to eat.
 Phoebe: Yeah, I do. What's the matter?
 Rachel: I'm just bummed about the way I left things with Ross. I
 shouldn't have lied to him about having to work. He seemed so mad at me.
 Phoebe: Eh, don't be so hard on yourself. If someone I was still in love
 with was getting married
 Rachel: (interrupting) Still in love with?!
 Phoebe: Yeah!
 Rachel: I'm not in love with Ross!
 Phoebe: Oh. No. No. Good! Yeah, me neither.
 Rachel: Phoebe, I'm going to Ross's wedding because he is my
 ex-boyfriend and that would be really uncomfortable. Not because, I'm still in
 love with him! I mean, hey, y'know, I like Ross as much as the next guy, y'know?
 Clearly I have feelings for him, but feelings don't mean love! I mean, I still
 have loving feelings for Ross. Yeah! But, I have, I have continuing feelings of love, but
 that doesn't mean that-that I'm still in love with him. Y'know? I-I have
 sexual feelings for him, but I do love him Ohh! Oh my God! Oh my why
 didn't you tell me?!!
 Phoebe: We thought you knew!
 Rachel: We?!


Phoebe: Yeah, we all know! We talk about it all the time!
 Rachel: You all know? Does Ross know?
 Phoebe: Oh no, Ross doesn't know anything.
 Rachel: Oh, I can not believe you didn't tell me!
 Phoebe: Well, because we thought you knew!! It's so obvious! God, that
 would be like telling Monica, 'Hey, you like things clean.'
 [Scene: A park in London, Joey and Chandler walk up to a souvenir stand.]
 Joey: Hey!
 The Vendor: So, what are you guys in the market for? We've got uh, scarves,
 tulip post cards...
 Joey: Check this out? Huh? (Joey has this big tall hat with a British flag on
 the front of it.) Yeah. That's the stuff. What do you think?
 Chandler: Well, I don't have to buy that, 'I'm with stupid'
 T-shirt anymore.
 Joey: Well, I like it. Here you go. (He pays for the hat.)
 Chandler: All right, look, you're not really gonna buy that are you?
 Don't you think you've embarrassed me enough for one day?
 Joey: Oh, I embarrass you?
 Chandler: How can I answer that when I'm pretending I don't know you?
 The Vendor: He's just jealous. You'll fit right in; all Londoners wear
 them!
 Chandler: Oh really? Then how come no one here is wearing them?
 The Vendor: (looks around) They're all tourists.
 Chandler: All right, look, if you insist on wearing that, in public,
 y'know, you're gonna spend the rest of the afternoon all by yourself.
 Joey: Oh yeah? (Puts the hat on.) If you're gonna make me choose between
 you and the hat? I choose the hat.
 The Vendor: Good choice.
 Joey: Thanks.
 Chandler: Okay, wait. All right, that's it, okay, I'm out of here. I
 am not going to be embarrassed anymore! (He trips over a box, falls into a flower stand
 and walks away trying to be cool.)
 [Scene: The hotel, Ross's room, Emily is entering.]
 Emily: Hello?
 Ross: Hey! I just spoke to your dad, and you know what? He seems to think
 we'll be able to find a new place for the wedding.
 Emily: We don't have to.
 Ross: Whoa-whoa-what? You found a place?
 Emily: No. But, Monica and I were talking, and-and I was so upset about the hall
 being knocked down, and she suggested that we put the wedding off for a bit.
 Ross: She said what?
 Emily: She said, 'If I'm not gonna be happy getting married somewhere
 that we find in a day, well then we should just postpone it.'
 Ross: Postpone it? Emily, do you think Monica realises how much our parents
 spent on this wedding? Do you my sister's teeny-tiny little brain comprehends that
 people took time out of their lives to fly thousands of miles to be here, huh? (He puts
 his pants on backwards.) This isn't right.
 Emily: I realize that people are going to be disappointed. But, I'm sure
 they'll come back when we can do it right.
 Ross: I can't ask people to do that? Would you ask people to do that?
 (Holds out his pants)
 Emily: Don't you point your pants at me! (She throws them on the floor.) We
 have no choice! Anywhere that's half-decent would've be booked months ago, Ross
 don't you understand? This is our wedding I'm talking about.
 Ross: The only thing I understand is; postponing it is not an option. This is
 when we're getting married.
 Emily: So what are you saying? It's now or never?
 Ross: No. I'm saying it's now. (He starts putting on his pants,
 backwards again.)
 Emily: Or?
 Ross: There's no  or' in mind. What is wrong with these pants?!!
 Emily: It's not the pants. It's you that is backwards. And if, and if
 you don't understand how important this is to me, well then, perhaps we
 shouldn't get married at all! (She storms out.)
 Ross: (chasing her, trying to zip up his pants. His got them on right now.) No,
 wait! Emily! No, wait, stop! Emily, please (He catches something important in the
 zipper and howls like a little boy and falls to the floor.)
 Commercial Break
 [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is on the couch as Rachel returns carrying a bunch
 of shopping bags.]
 Phoebe: Hey!
 Rachel: (depressed) Hi.
 Phoebe: So, did shopping make you feel any better about Ross?
 Rachel: Manhattan does not have enough stores.
 Phoebe: Well, I think I can help you get over him.
 Rachel: You can?
 Phoebe: Yeah. I just need you to bring me some photos of Ross.
 Rachel: Um-hmm.
 Phoebe: And a small piece of chocolate.
 Rachel: Okay.
 Phoebe: And a glass of tepid water. (She gathers up all of these things.)
 Rachel: Ooh, is this one of those things where you throw it in a bag with some
 graveyard dirt and hang it from a north-facing tree?
 Phoebe: Uh, only if you have the hiccups too. Yeah, the pictures are for you,
 the water and the chocolate is for me. I just didn't feel like getting up. Okay,
 I'm gonna show you a picture of Ross. Okay? And you're going to remember all of
 the bad things about him. All right? Really focus on his flaws.


Rachel: I can do that. I certainly did it when we were going out.
 Phoebe: Okay. Umm, before we get started, I just wanna say for the record that I
 love Ross, I think he's such a great guy. Here. (Hands her the picture, Rachel grabs
 it out of her hand.) Okay, now, close your eyes. And imagine that you're with Ross
 okay and imagine that you're kissing him. And you're-you're running your
 hands all over his body. And then you run your hands through his hair, but eew-oh gross
 it's some kind of grease, it's uck! Hah?
 Rachel: I don't know, his uh, his hair never really bothered me that much,
 and y'know it was always more crunchy than it was greasy.
 Phoebe: Okay, this is going to be harder than I thought. Umm, let's try
 some uh, aversion therapy.
 Rachel: Okay.
 Phoebe: Okay?
 Rachel: All right.
 Phoebe: So uh, now look at the picture
 Rachel: Okay.
 Phoebe: All right, and umm  (She grabs the picture and smacks her in the
 head.)
 Rachel: Ow!
 Phoebe: Okay, how do you feel now?
 Rachel: Well, I like you less!
 [Scene: Chandler and Joey's hotel room. Chandler is watching TV as Joey returns,
 still wearing his hat.]
 Joey: Hey.
 Chandler: Hey. (He nods at the hat.)
 Joey: Oh. (Takes off the hat.) Sorry!
 Chandler: No-no-no, y'know what? I really shouldn't have said that you
 were embarrassing me, I mean that really wasn't cool. And if it makes you feel any
 better, I've had a really lousy day.
 Joey: Me too.
 Chandler: Yeah?
 Joey: Noo!! I've had the best day ever! Dude, check this out!
 Monica: (entering) Hey!
 Joey: Sh-shh-shh! (He motions for her to watch something he has taped.)
 [Cut to the tape Joey made in front of some famous place in London with a rather famous
 English-type person.]
 Joey: (on tape) Okay, so say hi to my friend and tell him that you like the hat.
 Fergie: (Yep, Sarah, the Duchess of York) Okay, so umm, what's your
 friend's name?
 Joey: (on tape) Oh, Chandler.
 Fergie: Hi Chandler! (Waves)
 Chandler: That's  That's was
 Monica: Oh my God!
 Joey: That's Fergie baby!!
 Fergie: Joey says you don't really like his hat, but I think it's
 kinda dashing.
 Chandler: How did you? How? How?
 Joey: Well, I was trying to figure out how to get to Buckingham Palace, right?
 So, I'm in my map and-and (Ross enters) Hey!
 Monica: Hey!
 Ross: Hi. I understand you had a little talk with Emily.
 Monica: (laughs) Yes, I did! And you are welcome!
 Ross: Am I?! And was it your idea to postpone the wedding?!
 Monica: Umm
 Chandler: I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
 Joey: Wait up! (They both run to the bathroom.)
 Ross: Hey-hey, since you're the  fix-it' lady, here's a
 pickle, what do you do when the bride says she doesn't want to have the wedding at
 all?
 Monica: She said that?!
 Ross: Yeah.
 Monica: Why?!
 Ross: I don't know, I told her it was stupid to put off the wedding just
 because the hall was gone and she liked flipped out.
 Monica: Oh my God. You're even dumber than I am!
 Ross: Excuse me?
 Monica: Ross, how long have you been planning this wedding?
 Ross: I don't know. A month?
 Monica: Emily has probably been planning it since she was five! Ever since the
 first time she took a pillowcase and hung it off the back of her head. That's what we
 did! We dreamed about the perfect wedding, and the perfect place, with the perfect
 four-tiered wedding cake (Starting to cry), with the little people on top. (Ross gets
 thrown a box of Kleenex from the bathroom and he gives her one.) Thanks. But the most
 important part is that we had the perfect guy who understood just how important all that
 other stuff was.
 Ross: I had no idea. And that-that pillowcase thing, I thought you guys were
 just doing the flying nun.
 Monica: Sometimes we were.
 Ross: Come on. You gotta help me figure out what to do. Okay?
 Monica: Okay.
 Ross: Come on. (They leave and Chandler sticks his head out.)
 Chandler: That was pretty intense huh?
 Joey: Yeah. (Pause) Hey, I hope Ross didn't think that we just went in
 there because we were uncomfortable being out here!
 Chandler: (glares at him) I hope he did!
 [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the phone rings and Phoebe answers it.]
 Phoebe: Hello.
 Joey: (on phone) Hey, Pheebs! It's Joey!
 Phoebe: Hey, Joey! Hey! Ooh! Ooh! I just say someone on the that looks just
 like you on the subway. And I was gonna go over and say  hi!' but then I
 figured, he doesn't care if he looks like you.
 Joey: That just cost me four bucks. But uh listen, I just called to see how the
 chick and the duck are doing?


Phoebe: Ohh, they're having a great time with their Aunt Phoebe!
 Aunt Rachel hasn't been helpful at all. So, do you miss me?
 Joey: Kinda, but I've just been having way too much fun.
 Phoebe: So you're not homesick yet?
 Joey: No, I don't think so.
 Phoebe: All right, the seven of us miss you.
 Joey: Who's seven?
 Phoebe: Y'know, me, Rachel, the birds, the babies
 Joey: Ahh, the babies miss me?
 (There is a knock on Rachel and Phoebe's door.)
 Phoebe: Ooh, the pizza guy's here!
 Joey: What? You ordered pizza without me?!
 Phoebe: Yeah. But y'know we were thinking about you, y'know we ordered
 the Joey Special.
 Joey: Two pizzas?!
 Phoebe: Yep! Okay, gotta go, talk to you later.
 Joey: Wait, well, where did you get it from?!
 (Phoebe has already hung up, leaving Joey in the dark. So Joey decides to watch some TV
 and turns on a rerun of Cheers, with the theme song playing. At first, he's
 happy, but as the song progresses Joey gets depressed and homesick.)
 [Scene: Ross and Emily's planned wedding place, Monica is dragging Emily in.]
 Emily: Monica, why have you brought me here of all places?!
 Monica: You'll see.
 Emily: I tell you, this wedding is not going to happen.
 (At that Ross plugs in some Christmas lights to light the place up.)
 Emily: Oh God.
 Ross: Okay? But-but imagine a lot more lights, okay? And-and y'know fewer
 bricks, and-and-and flowers, and candles
 Monica: And the musicians, look, they can go over here (Points to a little
 alcove), okay? And the chairs can face this way (Points), and  (Points to Ross) You
 go.
 Ross: But-but, if you don't love this, we'll do it in any other place
 at any other time. Really, it's fine, whatever you want.
 Emily: It's perfect.
 Ross: And, I don't know, if it starts to rain
 Emily: Well then we'll get wet. (They kiss.)
 Monica: Ohh. And I don't even have a date.
 [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is in her bedroom.]
 Rachel: Pheebs?
 Phoebe: Yeah?
 Rachel: Do you remember where the duck food is?
 Phoebe: Yeah, it's in the guys' apartment under the sink. Why?
 Rachel: (enters with a bag packed) Because I'm going to London.
 Phoebe: What?! What do you mean you're going to London?
 Rachel: Yeah, I have to tell Ross that I love him. Now honey, you take care, you
 don't have those babies until I get back. (Kisses her stomach.)
 Phoebe: I Rachel, you can't go! Ross loves Emily!
 Rachel: Yeah, I know, I know, I know he does. But I have to tell him how I feel!
 He deserves to have all the information and then he can make an informed decision.
 Phoebe: That's not why you're going! You're going because you
 hope he's gonna say, 'Yeah, I love you too, Rach. Forget that British
 chippy.'
 Rachel: Ohh Do you think he will?!
 Phoebe: No! Because he's in love with the British chippy! Look, Rachel, if
 you go, you're just gonna mess with his head and ruin his wedding! Y'know,
 it's too late! You missed you're chance! I'm sorry, I know this must be
 really hard, it's over.
 Rachel: Y'know what? No. It's not over until someone says, 'I
 do.' (Exits)
 Phoebe: I do! I do! I do! (Chases her into the hall, but Rachel doesn't
 stop.) I do! (Gives up.) Ugh, like I can really chase you. I'm carrying a litter.
 Commercial Break
 [Scene: Moving Shot towards The Waltham House. A phone  is ringing.]
 Housekeeper: The Waltham Residence.
 Phoebe: Oh...yes..is this..umm..Emily's Parents' house.
 Housekeeper: This is the housekeeper speaking. And by the way, young lady, that is
 not how one addresses oneself on the telephone. First one identifies oneself and then asks
 for the person with whom one wishes to speak.
 Phoebe: (In a British accent) This is Phoebe Buffay. I was wondering, please, if-if
 it's not too much trouble, please, umm, might I speak to Miss Emily Waltham, please?
 Housekeeper: Miss Waltham, is at the rehearsal dinner and it's not polite
 to make fun of people. Goodbye.
 Phoebe: No no no, I'll be nice, I swear!!!  Could you just give me the
 number for where they are?
 Housekeeper: I'm afraid, I'm not at liberty to divulge that information.
 Phoebe: Ok, somebody is on their way to ruin wedding okay. And I have to warn
 somebody, alright. So if you don't give me that number then I'm going to come
 over there and kick your snooty ass all the way to New Glocken..shire.
 Housekeeper: Hangs up.
 Phoebe: Hello, Hello. Ohh, OHH, she knew I could kick her ass.
 [Scene: Rehearsal dinner hall. Ross and Emily are standing in the reception area.
 Monica arrives with her parents.]
 Monica: Hey.
 Ross: (Ross hugs his mom and dad)Hi. Mom. Dad.
 Mrs. Geller: Sweetheart. Oh sorry were late, my fault, I insisted on riding the
 tube.
 Mr. Geller: (embarrassed) Judy, the kids..
 Mrs. Geller: Jack, that's what they call the subway.
 Mr. Geller: Ohh, I thought that you....
 Ross and


Monica: Dad, dad. We got it!! We Got It!!!
 Emily: Ohh, here comes my dad and stepmum. Mister and Misses Geller, this is Steven
 and Andrea Waltham.
 Mr. Waltham: (Shaking everyone's hand.) Hello. Hello. How do you do? How do you do?
 Very nice to meet you. (Looking over at his wife.) Darling it's the Gellers. (She
 pays no attention she's talking on a cellular phone.) (Louder) Darling, it's the
 Gellers. (She's still not responding.) She's very self-absorbed, you know. I
 should never have married her.
 Mrs. Waltham: (Looking evilly at her husband) Sorry, what?
 Mr. Waltham: It's the Gellers!
 Mrs. Waltham: Where?
 Mr. Waltham: Well there's one (pointing towards Jack) and there's another
 (pointing towards Judy).
 Mrs. Waltham: Lovely to meet you.
 Mr. Waltham: Terribly nice of you to offer to pay for half the wedding. (He hand a
 multipage bill to Jack.)
 Mr. Geller: Ohh forget it. Too hell with tradition, we're happy to do it.
 Mrs. Geller: We know how expensive weddings can be, besides this may be the only
 wedding we get to throw (patting Monica on the shoulder.).
 Monica: Ha ha, a joke that's funny in all countries.
 (Ross quickly directs the families to their tables.)
 [Scene: Chandler and Joey are standing by the kitchen entrance. A waiter comes out.]
 Waiter: Sir? (Looking at Joey.)
 Joey: What's in it?
 Waiter: Goat cheese, water chestnuts, and panchetta. (Joey Looks down disgustingly
 at the food.)
 Joey: (Looking up at the waiter)That's not food...No, I don't, no...(Taps
 Chandler on the shoulder.) Everything's different here...I want to go home. I...I miss my
 family. I miss the coffee house. I can't even remember what Phoebe looks like.
 Chandler: Joey, it's been three days, okay.. Your just a little homesick,
 Okay. Would you just try to relax. Just, just try to enjoy yourself.
 Joey: (Pointing at Chandler.) Your different here too. Your mean in England.
 (Chandler throws his hands up to his head in frustration. They walk away from each other.)
 [Camera pans to the Geller family table. Ross, Rachel, Mr. and Mrs. Geller are there.]
 Mr. Geller: (Looking at ht wedding bill.) What the hell!!!
 Ross: what's up, Dad?
 Mr. Geller: This bill for my half of the wedding. it's insane.
 Mrs. Geller: How could it be so much? The receptions at their house.
 Mr. Geller: (Pointing items out on the bill.) Flowers, liquor, recarpet first
 floor. New guest bath, landscaping. I'm paying to remodel this guys house. (Angrily
 gets up.) I'm going to give that son on a bitch, a piece of my mind.
 Ross: (Holding him back.)Dad, dad, please. Look I don't want anything to upset
 Emily tonight. Alright, she's had a hard enough couple of days as it is. (Picks up the
 bill.) Now here, here, let me go talk to him, okay?
 Mr. Geller: And you tell him no one takes advantage of the Gellers.
 Mrs. Geller: Ooh, Jack....(He looks over to her) Sometimes I forget how powerful
 you can be. (They embrace and kiss passionately.)
 Monica: (Looking nauseous from her parents kissing.) And I'm going to go get
 drunk. (Gets up to get a drink.)
 [Scene: An airport in New York.]
 Rachel: (Running to the ticket counter) Ooh, ooh, ooh,ooh,ooh. (Slightly out of
 breath) Hi.
 Ticket Agent: (Cheerfully.) Hello.
 Rachel: (Faking cheerfulness.) Hello. Umm, when is your next flight to London?
 Ticket Agent: (looking at her computer terminal) There's one leaving in thirty
 minutes.
 Rachel: Ohh, good.
 Ticket Agent: And I do have one seat left.
 Rachel: Ohh, thank you, thank you, thank you.
 Ticket Agent: The last minute fare on this ticket is twenty seven hundred dollars.
 Rachel: (looking through her wallet.) Ohh, I just don't think I have enough
 left on my credit card.
 Ticket Agent: Well you can split it with another credit card.
 Rachel: Ohh, okay, how about five. (She hands her all the credit cards.) Ohh, thank
 you.
 Ticket Agent: I'm just going to need to see your passport.
 Rachel: (Looking through her purse.) Okay, you know what? I don't have it, but
 I can tell you exactly where it is on my night stand, and...okay. But you know what? I
 have my drivers license and I have a twenty. (She slides it across the counter.)
 Ticket Agent: (Slides the twenty back and tosses her credit card onto the counter.)
 [Scene: The Rehearsal dinner hall. Ross is at the Walthams' table discussing the
 bill.]
 Ross: Look, face it, my father is not going to pay for the build-in barbecue and
 believe me you can kiss you gazebo goodbye. Now I might be able to get you the new lawn.
 Mr. Waltham: Ahh, then you have to give us the lawn ornaments.
 Ross: I go back there with lawn ornaments, he's going to laugh in my face.
 Mrs. Waltham: This is ridiculous. I mean we had an agreement. (Ross looks
 frustrated. She begins to scream at her husband.) Will you say something, Steven?!
 Please!!!
 Mr. Waltham: Don't take that tone with me. (She looks evilly at him.) All-all
 right you can. (He looks over at Ross and Shrugs.)
 [Scene: The Girls apartment. Phoebe is dialing the phone and Rachel runs in the door.]


Rachel: (Running to her room.) Hi, Pheebs.
 Phoebe: (Looking relieved. She puts down the phone.) Oh thank god. Oh, you changed
 your mind. Oh, look I know you probably want to be alone, and you don't want to talk
 about it, that's fine. I just want you to know, I think you are doing the right thing
 and...
 Rachel: (Running back out the door with her passport.) Bye, Pheebs.
 Phoebe: (Trying to get up.) Wait!! Where are you going?! What are you doing?! No!!
 Wait!! (Not able to get up.) God!! Why am I always pregnant when she does that?!
 [Scene: The Rehearsal Dinner Hall. Chandler, Joey, Ross, Emily, Monica, and all the
 bridal party are seated at the table. Chandler gets up to make a toast.]
 Chandler: I'd like to toast, Ross and Emily. Of course, my big toast will be
 tomorrow at the wedding, so this is kind of my little toast or Melba toast, if you will.
 (No one in the room laughs. He starts to get flustered.) Okay. I known Ross for a long
 time. In fact, I knew him when he was going out with his first girlfriend. (Ross looks
 embarrassed.) And I thought things were going to work out for him..Until the day he over
 inflated her. (He laughs. Jack looks at Judy and no one in the room laughs.) Ohh, Dear
 God.. (A cellular phone rings.)
 Mrs. Waltham: Hello, Waltham Interiors.
 Phoebe: Oh, hi, Mrs. Waltham. I need to speak with ether one of the best men, or
 Ross's sister Monica.
 Mrs. Waltham: Who is this?
 Phoebe: Oh, I'm Phoebe Buffay. I'm one of Ross's best friends.
 Mrs. Waltham: Well, if you're on e of Ross's best friends, why
 aren't you here?
 Phoebe: Yeah, um, I can't fly. I'm having my brother's babies.
 Mrs. Waltham: Oh, am I on the radio?
 Phoebe: No..umm, could I talk to one of them? It's very very important.
 Mrs. Waltham: No, I'm bored with you now. I'm going to cut you off. (She
 hangs up.)
 Phoebe: Ohh! Okay, I'm going to have to kick her ass too.
 Chandler: (Continuing his toast.) And I'm sure we're all very excited
 that Ross and Emily are getting married at Montgomery Hall. I mean to think, my friend
 getting married in Monty Hall. (No reaction from the people.) Ohh, come on!! Monty Hall!!
 Lets make a Deal!! Come on, you people!! All right, forget it!! Congratulations, Ross and
 Emily. (He sits down.)
 Joey: Hey, best man number two, Joey Tribbiani. Now I'm not good with the
 jokes like Chandler here. Boy...but ahh, I just want to say congratulation to the happy
 couple. I first met Ross in this coffee house back home...Home...New York City...Where
 everybody knows my name. Well anyway, I love you guys. (pointing at everyone.) But not as
 much as I love America. (Looking at Chandler.) Could we please..go home now?
 (One of the bridesmaids, Felicity, puts her arm around Joey.)
 Felicity: (Putting her arm around Joey.) Are you going home? I was hoping to get to
 know you better.
 Joey: (Putting his arm around her.) I'm not going anywhere, sweetheart.
 [Scene: Later that evening at the rehearsal dinner. Chandler and Monica are sitting on
 a sofa. Chandler is covering his face in embarrassment because of the toast.]
 Monica: I was laughing. (Patting him on the knee.)
 Chandler: Out loud?
 Monica: Well I didn't want everyone to think I was stupid.
 Chandler: So how are you doing?
 Monica: My mother's driving me crazy, but Ross is getting married. I'm
 happy. (A drunken man approaches.) I'm not going to let anything spoil that.
 Drunk Man: I just want to say that Ross is a wonderful young man.
 Monica: Well, thanks, we like him.
 Drunk Man: My god!! You must have been a teenage when you had him. (Monica stares
 straight forward after the comment. Chandler tries to console her by patting her on the
 shoulder.)
 (Ross and Emily's parents are seated at a table. Ross is between them and they are
 discussing the wedding bill.)
 Mr. Geller: There's no way in hell, I'm paying for it.
 Ross: Look, were down to just one point. Could we please, maybe just settle it
 after the wedding.
 Mr. Geller: All-right fine, but I just want to say, I'm not paying for your
 wine cellar. You thieving, would be speaking German if it weren't for us, cheap
 little man. (Emily's stepmum looks shocked. Jack and Judy get up and leave.)
 (Chandler's trying to console Monica.)
 Chandler: The guy was hammered, okay? There's no way, you look like
 Ross's mother.
 Monica: Then why would he say it?
 Chandler: Because he's crazy. Okay? He came up to me earlier and thanked me
 for my very moving performance in Titanic.
 Monica: Oh, my mother's right. I'm never going to get married.
 Chandler: Ahh, you know what? That is....Who wouldn't want you?
 Monica: Ohh, Please?! I'm a single mom, with a thirty year old son!!
 [Scene: The airport. Rachel runs up to the ticket counter.]


Rachel: Hi, I'm back. Listen, I need to...
 Ticket Agent: Hello.
 Rachel: Hello. I need to get on the 11 o'clock flight.
 Ticket Agent: Oh I'm afraid that plane has already pulled away from the gate.
 Rachel: Okay, you know what/ You're going to have to call that plane and tell
 them to swing around and come and pick me up.
 Ticket Agent: I can't do that.
 Rachel: Sure, you know what? Come on, we'll just tell them that there was like
 a problem with like the 'engine'.
 Ticket Agent: I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to step aside,
 Miss.
 Rachel: Look, If I don't get to London!! He is going to marry that other
 girl!!!
 Ticket Agent: I can't imagine why.
 Rachel: All right, you know what? I am not leaving here, until you call that plane
 back!! (She pounds her hand on the counter twice. The ticket agent counters by placing the
 closed sign on the counter and tapping it twice.)
 [Scene: Chandlers hotel room. Ross bursts into the room.]
 Ross: (Screaming) I'm getting married today!! Whoo-hoo!!
 Chandler: (With the covers pulled up to his chin.) Morning, Ross.
 Ross: I'm getting married, to..day!!
 Chandler: Yeah you are!!
 Ross: Ahh, whoo-hoo!!(He runs back out the door.
 Monica: (Comes up for below the covers and looks concerned.) Do you think he knew I
 was here? (Chandler quickly looks at Monica not knowing what to say.)
 Commercial Break
 [Scene: Chandlers hotel room. Chandler and Monica are lying in the bed together
 talking. There's an awkward air between them. They are both clutching the covers in
 from of them.]
 Chandler: Well I've-I've never done that with you before.
 Monica: (In am uneasy voice.) Nope. (She chuckles uneasily.)
 Chandler: So, ahh, how are ya? How ya...How ya... You okay?
 Monica: Yep, yep...You?
 Chandler: Yes...Yes..Uh-huh, You?(Looking over at her. She looks back.) We did you.
 Monica: Well...I'd better get going.
 Chandler: Oh yea yea, absolutely.
 Monica: (Scoots towards the side of the bed.) Could you not look?
 Chandler: I don't want to look.
 [Scene: The Virgin Atlantic flight to London that Rachel is on.]
 Rachel: Ohhh.(she rhythmically taps her hands on the magazine on her lap.)
 Passenger: Ahh, ahh, excuse me.
 Rachel: Yeah?
 Passenger: If you're planning on doing that throughout the entire flight.
 Please tell me now. So that I could that a sedative...or perhaps slip you one.
 Rachel: Oh. I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. Sorry. (She hums and sighs
 happily.) It's just, I'm ahh, I'm kinda excited. I'm, ahh, going to
 London to ahh, tell this guy that I love him and... (He puts his headphones on to ignore
 her.)
 [Scene: Joey enters his hotel room. The phone is ringing.]
 Joey: Hello?
 Phoebe: (Angrily.) Hey, were the hell have you been?!
 Joey: Hey. I spent the night out. I met this cute bridesmaid. She is so...
 Phoebe: I don't want to hear about her!!
 Joey: Ahh Pheebs, you know you're still my number one girl.
 Phoebe: No! No, we have an emergency. Okay? Rachel's coming to London.
 Joey: Ohh great!!!
 Phoebe: No it's not great. No, she's coming to tell Ross that she loves
 him.
 Joey: (Confused.) But, he loves Emily?
 Phoebe: I KNOW THAT!!! You have to stop her!! She's going to ruin the
 wedding!!
 Joey: Okay.
 Phoebe: All right, so, okay...
 Joey: Hold on. Hold on. (Picking up a note pad and writing and reading the message
 aloud.) Rachel coming. Do...Something.
 Phoebe: Okay, so I'm done my part, okay. It's your responsibility now,
 okay. The burden is off me, right?
 Joey: Right!
 Phoebe: So tell me about this girl?
 (The guys hotel room. Joey's there. Chandler comes out of the bathroom in a robe.)
 Joey: Hey.
 Chandler: Hey.
 Joey: Have you seen Monica?
 Chandler: (Very defensive.) I'm not seeing Monica.
 Joey: (With a confused look on his face.) What?
 Chandler: What?
 Joey: Look we've got to find her. Phoebe just called!! Rachel's coming to
 tell Ross she loves him!!
 Chandler: Oh my god!
 Joey: I know! That's why we got to find Monica!! You know where she is?
 Chandler: No!! Okay!! What's with the third degree?! Why don't you just
 shine a light in my eyes?! (Joey looks totally confused.)
 [Scene: The plane. Rachel's telling her story to the passenger on her left. The one on
 her left is still wearing his headphones.]
 Rachel: ...And so then I realized. All this stuff I had been doing. proposing to
 Joshua, lying to Ross about why I couldn't come to the wedding. Was all just a way
 of...
 Passenger: (Frustrated he takes his headphones off.) Oh, oh oh!! I'm sorry,
 can I interrupt? You know I just want to say..That you are a horrible, horrible person.
 Rachel: Ehh, pardon me?
 Passenger: You say you love this man, yet you're about to ruin the happiest
 day of his life. I'm afraid I have to agree with you friend Pheebs.. This is a..this
 is a...terrible, terrible plan.


Rachel: But he has to know how I feel!
 Passenger: But why? He loves this...this Emily person. No good can come of this.
 Rachel: (Sighing) Well I-I think your wrong.
 Passenger: Oh-no.(He bites his fist at her.)And by the way, it seems to be
 perfectly clear that you were on a break. (Rachel gasps and doesn't know what to say.
 He puts his headphones back on.)
 [Scene: The church where Ross and Emily are to be married. Judy, Andrea, and Monica
 enter together.]
 Mrs. Geller: (Looking around at the chapel.) Oh my God! It's like a fairyland.
 Mrs. Waltham: I know, it's horrible isn't it?
 Monica: Well, I love it. I only hope my wedding looks this good.
 Mrs. Geller: I just hope...
 Monica: (Angrily.) You can let some of them go by!(Judy and Andrea go to the front
 of the chapel. Joey approaches Monica.)
 Joey: (Whispering.) Pisst, Monica. Alright, we really need to start looking out for
 Rachel. I'll cover the front door. You watch that big hole at the back of the
 building and I got Chandler covering Ross.
 Monica: (Awkwardly.) Why would I care where Chandler is? You know uhh...You know
 sometimes I don't even like Chandler.
 Joey: Okay. (They both walk off to watch for Rachel.)
 (Ross and chandler are standing next to the alter. Ross is practicing for the wedding.)
 Ross: (Using a slightly different inflection for each.) I do. I do. I do.
 Chandler: Oh yea, your right. It's the second one.
 Ross: (Very Nervous)Really?
 [Scene: Joey's in the front entrance watching for Rachel. The bridesmaid he met at
 the rehearsal dinner come in.)
 Felicity: (In a sexy voice.)Hello Joey.
 Joey: Hey, Felicity.
 Felicity: Umm, I thought about you all day.
 Joey: Yeah.
 Felicity: Um-hum. Talk New York to me again.
 Joey: (In a New York accent.) Fuggetaboutit. (She giggles.) How you doin?
 Felicity: Mmm. (She pushes him up against the wall and they begin to kiss.)
 Joey: Oh, yeah.
 (Back in the chapel. The parents are still fighting over the bill. Ross is refereeing.)
 Mrs. Geller: There's nothing to discuss. We're not paying for your wine
 cellar.
 Mr. Waltham: (Pleading.) You-you have to meet me in the middle here.
 Mr. Geller: (Forcefully.) Hey, you keep pushing me on this, my foots going to meet
 the middle of your ass.
 Ross: Dad!! (Emily comes running in.)
 Emily: What-what's going on?!
 Ross: Nothing, nothing. Everything's under control.
 Mr. Waltham: You want a piece of me, sir? Is that what your saying? (Pointing at
 Jack and poking him) You want a piece of me?
 Ross: (Stepping in between them.)Okay! Okay! That's it!! Parents!! Parents!!
 Back away!! All right, this is our wedding day!  From now on everyone gets along,
 and if I hear one more word. NO GRANDCHILDREN! (Pointing at his mother.) That's
 right!!
 Mr. Geller: Okay, okay.
 Mr. Waltham: Sorry old boy, sorry. Sorry. Sorry. (Them all walk away. As he leaves
 he mutters to Jack.) I could kill you with my thumb, you know.
 Emily: What was all that about?
 Ross: (Sighing.) It was...This disagreement over...(She sighs. Ross notices her in
 her wedding dress.) My god. You...you look beautiful.
 Emily: (Giggles.) Ohh...(She realizes that she's in her gown.) Oh! You were
 not meant to see me before the wedding. It's bad luck.
 Ross: You know what, I think we've had all the bad luck we're going to
 have. (He hugs her.)
 (The front entrance. Joey and the bridesmaid are up against the wall kissing. Rachel
 comes in the door and walks by Joey unnoticed. She walks into the chapel and sees Ross and
 Emily kissing. She looks as though she wants to cry. Emily walks away and Ross turns and
 sees Rachel standing there.)
 Ross: My God. Rachel! (He walks towards her, grasps her hands and kisses her on the
 cheek.) Your here. I can't believe it. (She giggles.) What happen? Why are you here?
 Rachel: Well I just came...(She touches him near his heart. She's almost in
 tears.) I just needed to tell you...(Looking into his eyes. She takes a deep breath.)
 Congratulations. (He hugs her. She can barely hold back the tears.)
 [Scene: Camera fades to one of the band members playing guitar at the wedding. The
 chapel is full of guest. A groomsmen escorts a bridesmaid down the isle. Joey is waiting
 with Mrs. Waltham to escort he down the isle. A cellular phone rings.]
 Mrs. Waltham: (Answering the phone.) Hello, Waltham Interiors.
 Phoebe: Mrs. Waltham. Hi. It's Phoebe again.
 Mrs. Waltham: (Throws her head back in disgust.) Why?!
 Phoebe: Yea. Can I please, please, please talk to one of the best men? This is
 going to be the last time I promise.
 Mrs. Waltham: (Slapping the phone into Joey's chest.) Joey there's a girl
 on the phone for you.
 Joey: (Smiling.) Ohh great!! (Putting the phone to his ear.) Hello. (He begins to
 escort her down the aisle.)


 The One With Ross's Wedding - Uncut Version
 The One With Ross's Wedding - The Uncut Version
 Part I Written by: Michael Borkow
 Part II Teleplay by: Shana Goldberg-Meehan & Scott Silveri
 Part II Story by: Jill Condon & Amy Toomin
 Part III Written by: Seth Kurland
 Part I Transcribed by: Eric Aasen & Marita Bakken
 Part II Transcribed by: Aaron D. Miller
 & Marita Bakken
 Part III Transcribed by: Eric Aasen & Marita Bakken
 (Transcriber's Note: This is the Uncut Version of Ross's second wedding
 it includes episodes 423, 424, and 501. It also includes some previously cut parts
 not shown in the U.S. Those parts are shown in blue text.)
 [Scene: Chandler and Joey's, Joey and Chandler are getting ready for the flight to
 London and Monica comes running in.]
 Monica: Guys, hurry up! The flight leaves in four hours! It could take time to get
 a taxi! There could be traffic! The plane could leave early! When we get to London, there
 could be a line at customs! Come on!! (She runs back to her apartment.)
 Chandler: Six-hour trip to London. That's a lot of Monica.
 Joey: What do you got there?
 Chandler: Condoms, dude!
 Joey (looks at the box): How come the writing is in Spanish?
 Chandler: Don't read my condoms!
 [Cut to the girls' apartment, Monica is putting things into her purse as Phoebe and
 Rachel watch.]
 Monica: Passport, check! (As she puts away each item, she says check.) Camera,
 check! Traveller's cheques, check!
 Rachel: Who are you saying 'check' too?
 Monica: Myself. Y'know for remembering to pack a thing. Yeah, you do a good thing,
 you get a check! (pause) My mom does it, I never realised it was weird.
 Phoebe: Yeah, my mom used to put her head in the oven. Well, actually, she only did
 it the one time. But it was pretty weird.
 Ross: (entering) Hey!
 Monica: Hey!
 Ross: Hey! Are you ready yet?
 Monica: Yep! You got the tickets?
 Ross: Oh! Got 'em right here, (Pats his coat pocket) check!
 [Cut to the guys' apartment.]
 Joey: It's all London, baby! Here we go. (He takes a picture of a less than
 enthused Chandler and starts towards the girls' apartment.)
 Chandler: You got your passport?
 Joey: Yeah, in my third drawer on my dresser. You don't want to lose that.
 (Chandler glares at him. At first Joey doesn't know why, it takes him a little bit to
 figure it out.)
 Joey: Ohh!! (Runs to his room.)
 Chandler: There it is.
 Opening Credits
 [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued from earlier, Monica is telling Phoebe where
 everything is.]
 Monica: Okay, if you need the vacuum, it's in my closet on the left-hand side. Ah,
 the garbage bags are next to the refrigerator...
 Phoebe: Okay, okay, but Rachel's gonna be here too, can't I just ask her this
 stuff?
 Monica: Yeah, okay, give that a try!
 Chandler: (entering, with Joey) All right! Let's do it!
 Joey: Woo-hoo!!
 Ross: Yeah, cheerie-o!
 Joey: London baby!
 Chandler: Okay, 'cause that's not gonna get annoying.
 Joey: (louder) London baby!!
 Chandler: Hey, y'know what? I was wrong.
 Ross: Well, we're all here! I guess we should get going!
 Phoebe: Ohhh, I wanna come over there and give you a hug and wish you luck on your
 wedding, but I don't-can't get up.
 Ross: Oh, I'll-I'll come hug you.
 Phoebe: Great! Yeah, could you bring me the newspaper?
 Ross: Yeah. (He does so and Phoebe hugs him.)
 Phoebe: Oh, have a great wedding!
 Ross: Thanks.
 Phoebe: Oh, hey, Chandler I wanna hug you too!
 Chandler: Hey! (Trots over)
 Phoebe: Oh, and great! You might as well bring me my book, it's on the counter in
 your apartment.
 Chandler: Oh. (Goes and gets Phoebe's book as Rachel comes in from her room.)
 Ross: (to Rachel) So, we're off.
 Rachel: Have fun!
 Ross: Thanks! (They hug.) Ugh, I can't believe you're not gonna be there!
 Rachel: Oh, I know.
 Ross: So-so come! Why don't you come?
 Rachel: What?!
 Ross: To London! Come to London. Please? It'll mean so much to me.
 Rachel: Yeah, well, I gotta work, I'm sorry.
 Ross: Why-why can't you take a couple of days off?
 Rachel: Because, I can't! Ross, I told you, no. I can't.
 Ross: This is my wedding.
 Monica: All right, y'know what? We really are late! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!!
 Ross: Fine. You'll-you'll watch it on video when we get back.
 Chandler: (entering, with Phoebe's book.) Here you go Phoebe! Here you go Phobo!
 Phewbedo! Phaybobo.
 Phoebe: (laughs) Thank you.
 (Chandler kneels down with his arms spread waiting for his hug.
 Phoebe: Thank you. (She pats him on his head.)
 Ross: All right, let's go! Bye, Pheebs!
 Joey: Bye, Pheebs!
 (They all start out, Rachel gives each one a kiss, and says 'bye.' In the
 hall, Joey says...)