Joey: London baby!! (And Rachel slowly closes the door, sadly.)
 Phoebe: Oh, do you need a hug? You don't have to bring me anything!
 (And with that, television history is made as, for the first time ever, an entire show
 moves it's entire production to an entirely different country to make a single episode. We
 get shots of Buckingham Palace, London Bridge, Big Ben, and the London Marriott as Joey
 and Chandler exit.)
 [Scene: Street in front of the London Marriott, Joey and Chandler exit. Joey is
 carrying a video camera and is shooting Chandler.]
 Joey: Come on! Do something!
 Chandler: I am, I'm ignoring you.
 Joey: Okay, here! (Gives him the camera.) I wanna be the on camera guy. All right,
 first stop, Westminster Abbey. (Joey folds out his 'pop-up' map of London. All
 of the major landmarks pop-up like in a pop-up book.)
 Chandler: Oh, what the hell is that?
 Joey: It's London, baby! All right, the hotel's here. (Points to the map.) Wait.
 No, we wanna go... No. I know. (Sets the map down.) I'm gonna have to go into the map. (So
 Joey literally steps into the map.)
 Chandler: Okay, if you see a little version of me in there? Kill it!
 Joey: I got it! (Picks up the map and starts walking.) Here we go.
 Chandler: Okay. Listen-listen, we're not gonna have to walk this way the entire
 time are we?
 Joey: Shhh! (Pause) Man, you made me lose it! (He goes into the map again.)
 [Scene: Another street, somewhere along the River Thames, Ross, Emily, and Monica are
 walking to where they're gonna get married. Emily is relating the troubles with the
 caterer.]
 Emily: ...and that was all before 10 o'clock. The caterer rang and said it was
 going to be Chicken Kiev instead of Chicken Tarragon. And then the florist phoned to say
 there aren't any tulips. Oh, and the chilliest has carpel-tunel syndrome. We're not gonna
 be...
 Ross: Whoa-whoa-whoa! Emily, (Gives her the time-out signal.) honey, okay?
 Emily: Well, up yours too!
 Ross: What?!
 Emily: Oh, that's not what it means?
 Ross: No! No! That's-that's time-out!
 Emily: Sorry.
 Ross: Sweetie, you gotta relax. Everything's gonna be great, okay? Come on. Come
 on.
 Monica: Chicken Kiev?
 Ross: Um-hmm! Doesn't that sound delicious at the last minute?
 Monica: Yeah, y'know, but something like salmon which would be so much more elegant
 than the chicken. And, you wouldn't have to worry about the salmonella. (Ross pushes her.)
 But of course with salmon you'd have to worry about the
 chickenella... So, I can't wait to see this place you're getting married!
 Ross: Yeah. Yeah. Yes, this place is beautiful. Emily's parents got married here.
 Emily: I still can't believe they're tearing it down. It really is the most lovely
 building you'll ever see. I mean it's over... (She stops suddenly, when she sees that
 demolition has already started.) Oh my God!
 Monica: It's nice.
 Emily: Oh. Oh. (She starts running towards the building.)
 [Cut to inside.]
 Emily: (running in, with Ross) Oh. Oh my God. How can this be happening? What are
 we going to do?
 Ross: It's all right! Everything's gonna be all right.
 Emily: How's it gonna be all right?!
 Ross: Uh-huh, I see that.
 Monica: (entering) Okay, I talked to the guy with the shovel and I found out what
 happened.
 Ross: What? What?
 Monica: They tore it down a few days early.
 [Scene: Chandler and Joey are sitting on the top floor on one of the red coaches in
 London that doesn't have a roof. Joey is very enthusiastic and is pointing at all the
 different sights. Chandler is really embarrassed and tries to make him stop. Afterwards,
 Joey tries to film Chandler with his video camera, and Chandler obviously hates this.
 Then, Joey falls asleep, and Chandler tries to take the video camera away from him.
 However, Joey is holding onto it (in his sleep) and won't let it go. Chandler pulls until
 Joey lets it go, causing Chandler to fall out of his seat.]
 [Scene: Westminster Abbey, Joey and Chandler have successfully navigated the streets of
 London and are approaching the Abbey.]
 Joey: All right! Westminster Abbey! Hands down, best Abbey I've ever seen. Hey!
 (Pushes Chandler in front of the camera.) Okay. What do you think of the Abbey, Chandler?
 Chandler: I think it's great. It's great. Y'know, they're thinking of changing the
 name of this place.
 Joey: Really? To what?
 Chandler: To Put the Camera Away!!!
 Joey: Man, you are Westminster Crabby. (He starts chasing Chandler towards the
 Abbey.)
 [Scene: A bridal shop somewhere in London. Monica is trying on her red bridesmaid
 dress, and Emily is watching. A dressmaker is working on Monica's dress.]
 Monica: Don't worry. You'll find some place to get married.
 (The dressmaker puts a pin in the dress, but accidentally pricks Monica with it.)
 Monica: Oowww!!
 Dressmaker: Sorry. Lucky this dress is red!
 Emily: We can't find another place. Then we can't have the wedding! I've ordered
 chicken and salad and-and cake for 150. What should be the most wonderful day of my life
 is rapidly turning into just Sunday with a spectacular amount of food!


Monica: You're gonna find a place. But even if - God forbid - you didn't.. So you
 postpone the wedding. Is that really so bad? I mean, think about it. You could take all
 the time you needed to get everything that you want. You could have tulips, you could have
 salmon.... Mmmmm... Salmon!!
 Emily: I suppose it wouldn't be the end of the world... Oh, thank you!
 Monica: But either way... You're gonna get married, you're gonna be happy, my mom's
 gonna like you better than me.
 (Emily smiles a bit and looks uncomfortable.)
 Monica: Oh, god... She's told you that already, didn't she?!
 [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is trying to move off of the couch as Rachel
 enters.]
 Phoebe: Oh. Oh.
 Rachel: Oh, honey! Don't get up! What do you need?
 Phoebe: Oh, no. Oh, nothing.
 Rachel: Come on! I am here to take care of you! What do you need? Anything.
 Phoebe: Okay, I have a wedgie.
 Rachel: Okay, that is all you.
 Phoebe: So-so, what do you want for lunch?
 Rachel: Oh, I don't know. I guess we have to eat.
 Phoebe: Yeah, I do. What's the matter?
 Rachel: I'm just bummed about the way I left things with Ross. I shouldn't have
 lied to him about having to work. He seemed so mad at me.
 Phoebe: Eh, don't be so hard on yourself. If someone I was still in love with was
 getting married...
 Rachel: (interrupting) Still in love with?!
 Phoebe: Yeah!
 Rachel: I'm not in love with Ross!
 Phoebe: Oh. No. No. Good! Yeah, me neither.
 Rachel: Phoebe, I'm going to Ross's wedding because he is my ex-boyfriend and that
 would be really uncomfortable. Not because, I'm still in love with him! I mean, hey,
 y'know, I like Ross as much as the next guy, y'know? Clearly I have feelings for him, but
 feelings don't mean love! I mean, I still have loving feelings for Ross. Yeah! But, I
 have, I have continuing feelings of love, but that doesn't mean that-that I'm still in
 love with him. Y'know? I-I have sexual feelings for him, but I do love him-Ohh! Oh my God!
 Oh my-why didn't you tell me?!!
 Phoebe: We thought you knew!
 Rachel: We?!
 Phoebe: Yeah, we all know! We talk about it all the time!
 Rachel: You all know? Does Ross know?
 Phoebe: Oh no, Ross doesn't know anything.
 Rachel: Oh, I can not believe you didn't tell me!
 Phoebe: Well, because we thought you knew!! It's so obvious! God, that would be
 like telling Monica, 'Hey, you like things clean.' Or,
 y'know, 'Hey, Joey, you're gay.'
 (Rachel stares at her.)
 Rachel: What?!
 Phoebe: Oh, please! She's always got a broom in her hand!
 [Scene: A park in London, Joey and Chandler walk up to a souvenir stand.]
 Joey: Hey!
 The Vendor: So, what are you guys in the market for? We've got uh, scarves, tulip
 post cards...
 Joey: Check this out? Huh? (Joey has this big tall hat with a British flag on the
 front of it.) Yeah. That's the stuff. What do you think?
 Chandler: Well, I don't have to buy that, 'I'm with stupid' T-shirt
 anymore.
 Joey: Well, I like it. Here you go. (He pays for the hat.)
 Chandler: All right, look, you're not really gonna buy that are you? Don't you
 think you've embarrassed me enough for one day?
 Joey: Oh, I embarrass you?
 Chandler: How can I answer that when I'm pretending I don't know you?
 The Vendor: He's just jealous. You'll fit right in; all Londoners wear them!
 Chandler: Oh really? Then how come no one here is wearing them?
 The Vendor: (looks around) They're all tourists.
 Chandler: All right, look, if you insist on wearing that, in public, y'know, you're
 gonna spend the rest of the afternoon all by yourself.
 Joey: Oh yeah? (Puts the hat on.) If you're gonna make me choose between you and
 the hat? I choose the hat.
 The Vendor: Good choice.
 Joey: Thanks.
 Chandler: Okay, wait. All right, that's it, okay, I'm out of here. I am not going
 to be embarrassed anymore! (He trips over a box, falls into a flower stand and walks away
 trying to be cool.)
 (A man walks up to Joey and stares at Chandler and the flower stand. Joey turns around
 to introduce himself.)
 Joey: How you doin'? Joey Tribbiani, America.
 (Joey shakes his hand. The man looks at him and his hat.)
 [Scene: The hotel, Ross's room, Emily is entering.]
 Emily: Hello?
 Ross: Hey! I just spoke to your dad, and you know what? He seems to think we'll be
 able to find a new place for the wedding.
 Emily: We don't have to.
 Ross: Whoa-whoa-what? You found a place?
 Emily: No. But, Monica and I were talking, and-and I was so upset about the hall
 being knocked down, and she suggested that we put the wedding off for a bit.


Ross: She said what?
 Emily: She said, 'If I'm not gonna be happy getting married somewhere that we
 find in a day, well then we should just postpone it.'
 Ross: Postpone it? Emily, do you think Monica realises how much our parents spent
 on this wedding? Do you my sister's teeny-tiny little brain comprehends that people took
 time out of their lives to fly thousands of miles to be here, huh? (He puts his pants on
 backwards.) This isn't right.
 Emily: I realise that people are going to be disappointed. But, I'm sure they'll
 come back when we can do it right.
 Ross: I can't ask people to do that? Would you ask people to do that? (Holds out
 his pants)
 Emily: Don't you point your pants at me! (She throws them on the floor.) We have no
 choice! Anywhere that's half-decent would've be booked months ago, Ross don't you
 understand? This is our wedding I'm talking about.
 Ross: The only thing I understand is; postponing it is not an option. This is when
 we're getting married.
 Emily: So what are you saying? It's now or never?
 Ross: No. I'm saying it's now. (He starts putting on his pants, backwards again.)
 Emily: Or?
 Ross: There's no 'or' in mind. What is wrong with these pants?!!
 Emily: It's not the pants. It's you that is backwards. And if, and if you don't
 understand how important this is to me, well then, perhaps we shouldn't get married at
 all! (She storms out.)
 Ross: (chasing her, trying to zip up his pants. His got them on right now.) No,
 wait! Emily! No, wait, stop! Emily, please-(He catches something important in the zipper
 and howls like a little boy and falls to the floor.)
 Commercial Break
 [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is on the couch as Rachel returns carrying a bunch
 of shopping bags.]
 Phoebe: Hey!
 Rachel: (depressed) Hi.
 Phoebe: So, did shopping make you feel any better about Ross?
 Rachel: Manhattan does not have enough stores.
 Phoebe: Well, I think I can help you get over him.
 Rachel: You can?
 Phoebe: Yeah. I just need you to bring me some photos of Ross.
 Rachel: Um-hmm.
 Phoebe: And a small piece of chocolate.
 Rachel: Okay.
 Phoebe: And a glass of tepid water. (She gathers up all of these things.)
 Rachel: Ooh, is this one of those things where you throw it in a bag with some
 graveyard dirt and hang it from a north-facing tree?
 Phoebe: Uh, only if you have the hiccups too. Yeah, the pictures are for you, the
 water and the chocolate is for me. I just didn't feel like getting up. Okay, I'm gonna
 show you a picture of Ross. Okay? And you're going to remember all of the bad things about
 him. All right? Really focus on his flaws.
 Rachel: I can do that. I certainly did it when we were going out.
 Phoebe: Okay. Umm, before we get started, I just wanna say for the record that I
 love Ross, I think he's such a great guy. Here. (Hands her the picture, Rachel grabs it
 out of her hand.) Okay, now, close your eyes. And imagine that you're with Ross okay and
 imagine that you're kissing him. And you're-you're running your hands all over his body.
 And then you run your hands through his hair, but eew-oh gross it's some kind of grease,
 it's-uck! Hah?
 Rachel: I don't know, his uh, his hair never really bothered me that much, and
 y'know it was always more crunchy than it was greasy.
 Phoebe: Okay, this is going to be harder than I thought. Umm, let's try some uh,
 aversion therapy.
 Rachel: Okay.
 Phoebe: Okay?
 Rachel: All right.
 Phoebe: So uh, now look at the picture...
 Rachel: Okay.
 Phoebe: All right, and umm... (She grabs the picture and smacks her in the head.)
 Rachel: Ow!
 Phoebe: Okay, how do you feel now?
 Rachel: Well, I like you less!
 [Scene: Chandler and Joey's hotel room. Chandler is trying to
 kick his shoe into a trash can that is standing on the TV. He can't do it.]
 Chandler: Well, this is just as boring in England.
 (Joey returns, still wearing his hat.)
 Joey: Hey.
 Chandler: Hey. (He nods at the hat.)
 Joey: Oh. (Takes off the hat.) Sorry!
 Chandler: No-no-no, y'know what? I really shouldn't have said that you were
 embarrassing me, I mean that really wasn't cool. And if it makes you feel any better, I've
 had a really lousy day.
 Joey: Me too.
 Chandler: Yeah?
 Joey: Noo!! I've had the best day ever! Dude, check this out! Now,
 I'm gonna fastforward past the part with you, 'cause it is boring.
 Monica: (entering) Hey!
 Joey: Sh-shh-shh! (He motions for her to watch something he has taped.)
 [Cut to the tape Joey made in front of some famous place in London with a rather famous
 English-type person.]


Joey: (on tape) Okay, so say hi to my friend and tell him that you like the hat.
 Fergie: (Yep, Sarah, the Duchess of York) Okay, so umm, what's your friend's name?
 Joey: (on tape) Oh, Chandler.
 Fergie: Hi Chandler! (Waves)
 Chandler: That's... That's was...
 Monica: Oh my God!
 Joey: That's Fergie baby!!
 Fergie: Joey says you don't really like his hat, but I think it's kinda dashing.
 Joey: (on tape) So, I hear you're single now...
 Fergie: Yeah, ummm, I don't like the hat that much. (She smiles.)
 Chandler: How did you? How? How?
 Joey: Well, I was trying to figure out how to get to Buckingham Palace, right? So,
 I'm in my map and-and...(Ross enters) Hey!
 Monica: Hey!
 Ross: Hi. I understand you had a little talk with Emily.
 Monica: (laughs) Yes, I did! And you are welcome!
 Ross: Am I?! And was it your idea to postpone the wedding?!
 Monica: Umm...
 Chandler: I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
 Joey: Wait up! (They both run to the bathroom.)
 Ross: Hey-hey, since you're the 'fix-it' lady, here's a pickle, what do you do when
 the bride says she doesn't want to have the wedding at all?
 Monica: She said that?!
 Ross: Yeah.
 Monica: Why?!
 Ross: I don't know, I told her it was stupid to put off the wedding just because
 the hall was gone and she liked flipped out.
 Monica: Oh my God. You're even dumber than I am!
 Ross: Excuse me?
 Monica: Ross, how long have you been planning this wedding?
 Ross: I don't know. A month?
 Monica: Emily has probably been planning it since she was five! Ever since the
 first time she took a pillowcase and hung it off the back of her head. That's what we did!
 We dreamed about the perfect wedding, and the perfect place, with the perfect four-tiered
 wedding cake (Starting to cry), with the little people on top. (Ross gets thrown a box of
 Kleenex from the bathroom and he gives her one.) Thanks. But the most important part is
 that we had the perfect guy who understood just how important all that other stuff was.
 Ross: I had no idea. And that-that pillowcase thing, I thought you guys were just
 doing the flying nun.
 Monica: Sometimes we were.
 Ross: Come on. You gotta help me figure out what to do. Okay?
 Monica: Okay.
 Ross: Come on. (They leave and Chandler sticks his head out.)
 Chandler: That was pretty intense huh?
 Joey: Yeah. (Pause) Hey, I hope Ross didn't think that we just went in there
 because we were uncomfortable being out here!
 Chandler: (glares at him) I hope he did!
 [Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Phoebe is on the couch, and Rachel is sitting on the
 chair.]
 Phoebe: Ooh! I thought of a good flaw! Ross pops his gum!
 Rachel: Oh, right! (BEAT) Wait a minute, I do that too.
 Phoebe: Yeah, I know. It drives me crazy.
 (The phone rings.)
 Phoebe: I'll get it.
 (She answers it.)
 Phoebe: Hello.
 Joey: (on phone) Hey, Pheebs! It's Joey!
 Phoebe: Hey, Joey! Hey! Ooh! Ooh! I just say someone on the-that looks just like
 you on the subway. And I was gonna go over and say 'hi!' but then I figured, he doesn't
 care if he looks like you.
 Joey: That just cost me four bucks. But uh listen, I just called to see how the
 chick and the duck are doing?
 Phoebe: Ohh, they're having a great time with their Aunt Phoebe! Aunt Rachel hasn't
 been helpful at all. So, do you miss me?
 Joey: Kinda, but I've just been having way too much fun.
 Phoebe: So you're not homesick yet?
 Joey: No, I don't think so.
 Phoebe: All right, the seven of us miss you.
 Joey: Who's seven?
 Phoebe: Y'know, me, Rachel, the birds, the babies...
 Joey: Ahh, the babies miss me?
 Phoebe: Of course they do! Or I'm just really hungry.
 (There is a knock on Rachel and Phoebe's door.)
 Phoebe: Ooh, the pizza guy's here!
 Joey: What? You ordered pizza without me?!
 Phoebe: Yeah. But y'know we were thinking about you, y'know we ordered the Joey
 Special.
 Joey: Two pizzas?!
 Phoebe: Yep! Okay, gotta go, talk to you later.
 Joey: Wait, well, where did you get it from?!
 (Phoebe has already hung up, leaving Joey in the dark. So Joey decides to watch some TV
 and turns on a rerun of Cheers, with the theme song playing. At first, he's happy, but as
 the song progresses Joey gets depressed and homesick.)
 [Scene: Ross and Emily's planned wedding place, Monica is dragging Emily in.]
 Emily: Monica, why have you brought me here of all places?!
 Monica: You'll see.
 Emily: I tell you, this wedding is not going to happen.
 (At that Ross plugs in some Christmas lights to light the place up.)
 Emily: Oh God.
 Ross: Okay? But-but imagine a lot more lights, okay? And-and y'know fewer bricks,
 and-and-and flowers, and candles...


Monica: And the musicians, look, they can go over here (Points to a little alcove),
 okay? And the chairs can face this way (Points), and... (Points to Ross) You go.
 Ross: But-but, if you don't love this, we'll do it in any other place at any other
 time. Really, it's fine, whatever you want.
 Emily: It's perfect.
 Ross: And, I don't know, if it starts to rain...
 Emily: Well then we'll get wet. (They kiss.)
 Monica: Ohh. And I don't even have a date.
 [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is in her bedroom.]
 Rachel: Pheebs?
 Phoebe: Yeah?
 Rachel: Do you remember where the duck food is?
 Phoebe: Yeah, it's in the guys' apartment under the sink. Why?
 Rachel: (enters with a bag packed) Because I'm going to London.
 Phoebe: What?! What do you mean you're going to London?
 Rachel: Yeah, I have to tell Ross that I love him. Now honey, you take care, you
 don't have those babies until I get back. (Kisses her stomach.)
 Phoebe: But what about all the 'finding-his-flaws' stuff we've been
 doing?
 Rachel: Yeah, that didn't work.
 Phoebe: I-Rachel, you can't go! Ross loves Emily!
 Rachel: Yeah, I know, I know, I know he does. But I have to tell him how I feel! He
 deserves to have all the information and then he can make an informed decision.
 Phoebe: That's not why you're going! You're going because you hope he's gonna say,
 'Yeah, I love you too, Rach. Forget that British chippy.'
 Rachel: Ohh-Do you think he will?!
 Phoebe: No! Because he's in love with the British chippy! Look, Rachel, if you go,
 you're just gonna mess with his head and ruin his wedding! Y'know, it's too late! You
 missed you're chance! I'm sorry, I know this must be really hard, it's over.
 Rachel: Y'know what? No. It's not over until someone says, 'I do.'
 (Exits)
 Phoebe: I do! I do! I do! (Chases her into the hall, but Rachel doesn't stop.) I
 do! (Gives up.) Ugh, like I can really chase you. I'm carrying a litter.
 Commercial Break
 [Scene: Moving Shot towards The Waltham House. A phone is ringing.]
 Housekeeper: The Waltham Residence.
 Phoebe: Oh...yes..is this..umm..Emily's Parents' house.
 Housekeeper: This is the housekeeper speaking. And by the way, young lady, that is
 not how one addresses a person on the telephone. First one identifies oneself and then
 asks for the person with whom one wishes to speak.
 Phoebe: What are you saying?!
 Housekeeper: Now, let us try that again, shall we?
 (The housekeeper hangs up.)
 Phoebe: (Shocked) No! Ooh! Oh my god! (Dials again.)
 Housekeeper: The Waltham Residence.
 Phoebe: (In a British accent) Hello. This is Phoebe
 Buffay. I was wondering, please, if-if it's not too much trouble, please, umm, might I
 speak to Miss Emily Waltham, please?
 Housekeeper: Miss Waltham, is at the rehearsal dinner and it's not polite to make
 fun of people. Goodbye.
 Phoebe: No no no, I'll be nice, I swear!!! Could you just give me the number for
 where they are?
 Housekeeper: I'm afraid, I'm not at liberty to divulge that information.
 Phoebe: Ok, somebody is on their way to ruin wedding okay. And I have to warn
 somebody, alright. So if you don't give me that number then I'm going to come over there
 and kick your snooty ass all the way to New Glocken..shire.
 Housekeeper: Hangs up.
 Phoebe: Hello, Hello. Ohh, OHH, she knew I could kick her ass.
 [Scene: Rehearsal dinner hall. Ross and Emily are standing in the reception area.
 Monica arrives with her parents.]
 Monica: Hey.
 Ross: (Ross hugs his mom and dad)Hi. Mom. Dad.
 Mrs. Geller: Sweetheart. Oh sorry were late, my fault, I insisted on riding the
 tube.
 Mr. Geller: (embarrassed) Judy, the kids..
 Mrs. Geller: Jack, that's what they call the subway.
 Mr. Geller: Ohh, I thought that you....
 Ross and Monica: Dad, dad. We got it!! We Got It!!!
 Emily: Ohh, here comes my dad and stepmum. Mister and Misses Geller, this is Steven
 and Andrea Waltham.
 Mr. Waltham: (Shaking everyone's hand.) Hello. Hello. How do you do? How do you do?
 Very nice to meet you. (Looking over at his wife.) Darling it's the Gellers. (She pays no
 attention she's talking on a cellular phone.) (Louder) Darling, it's the Gellers. (She's
 still not responding.) She's very self-absorbed, you know. I should never have married
 her.
 Mrs. Waltham: (Looking evilly at her husband) Sorry, what?
 Mr. Waltham: It's the Gellers!
 Mrs. Waltham: Where?
 Mr. Waltham: Well there's one (pointing towards Jack) and there's another (pointing
 towards Judy).
 Mrs. Waltham: Lovely to meet you.
 Mr. Waltham: Terribly nice of you to offer to pay for half the wedding. (He hands a
 multipage bill to Jack.)
 Mr. Geller: Ohh forget it. Too hell with tradition, we're happy to do it.
 Mrs. Geller: We know how expensive weddings can be, besides this may be the only
 wedding we get to throw (patting Monica on the shoulder.).


Monica: Ha ha, a joke that's funny in all countries.
 (Ross quickly directs the families to their tables.)
 [Scene: Chandler and Joey are standing by the kitchen entrance. A waiter comes out.]
 Waiter: Sir? (Looking at Joey and holding a tray of food.)
 Joey: What's in it?
 Waiter: Goat cheese, water chestnuts, and panchetta. (Joey Looks down disgustingly
 at the food.)
 Joey: (Looking up at the waiter)That's not food...No, I don't, no...(Taps Chandler
 on the shoulder.) Everything's different here...I want to go home. I...I miss my family. I
 miss the coffee house. I can't even remember what Phoebe looks like.
 Chandler: Joey, it's been three days, okay.. Your just a little homesick, Okay.
 Would you just try to relax. Just, just try to enjoy yourself.
 Joey: (Pointing at Chandler.) Your different here too. Your mean in England.
 (Chandler throws his hands up to his head in frustration. They walk away from each other.)
 [Camera pans to the Geller family table. Ross, Rachel, Mr. and Mrs. Geller are there.]
 Mr. Geller: (Looking at ht wedding bill.) What the hell!!!
 Ross: what's up, Dad?
 Mr. Geller: This bill for my half of the wedding. it's insane.
 Mrs. Geller: How could it be so much? The receptions at their house.
 Mr. Geller: (Pointing items out on the bill.) Flowers, liquor, recarpet first
 floor. New guest bath, landscaping. I'm paying to remodel this guys house. (Angrily gets
 up.) I'm going to give that son on a bitch, a piece of my mind.
 Ross: (Holding him back.)Dad, dad, please. Look I don't want anything to upset
 Emily tonight. Alright, she's had a hard enough couple of days as it is. (Picks up the
 bill.) Now here, here, let me go talk to him, okay?
 Mr. Geller: And you tell him no one takes advantage of the Gellers.
 Mrs. Geller: Ooh, Jack....(He looks over to her) Sometimes I forget how powerful
 you can be. (They embrace and kiss passionately.)
 Monica: (Looking nauseous from her parents kissing.) And I'm going to go get drunk.
 (Gets up to get a drink.)
 [Scene: John F. Kennedy International Airport, Rachel is running to the ticket
 counter.]
 Rachel: Ooh, ooh, ooh,ooh,ooh. (Slightly out of breath) Hi.
 Ticket Agent: (Cheerfully.) Hello.
 Rachel: (Faking cheerfulness.) Hello. Umm, when is your next flight to London?
 Ticket Agent: (looking at her computer terminal) There's one leaving in thirty
 minutes.
 Rachel: Ohh, good.
 Ticket Agent: And I do have one seat left.
 Rachel: Ohh, thank you, thank you, thank you.
 Ticket Agent: The last minute fare on this ticket is twenty seven hundred dollars.
 Rachel: (Pause) Huh.. How about 600?
 Ticket Agent: Sorry.
 Rachel: How about 600 and these earrings? (Shows the ticket agent her earrings.)
 Ticket Agent: They prefer it if I don't barter.
 Rachel: (looking through her wallet.) Ohh, I just don't think I have enough left on
 my credit card.
 Ticket Agent: Well you can split it with another credit card.
 Rachel: Ohh, okay, how about five. (She hands her all the credit cards.) Ohh, thank
 you.
 Ticket Agent: I'm just going to need to see your passport.
 Rachel: (Looking through her purse.) Okay, you know what? I don't have it, but I
 can tell you exactly where it is on my night stand, and...okay. But you know what? I have
 my drivers license and I have a twenty. (She slides it across the counter.)
 Ticket Agent: (Slides the twenty back and tosses her credit card onto the counter.)
 [Scene: The Rehearsal dinner hall. Ross is at the Walthams' table discussing the bill.]
 Ross: Look, face it, my father is not going to pay for the build-in barbecue and
 believe me you can kiss you gazebo goodbye. Now I might be able to get you the new lawn.
 Mr. Waltham: Ahh, then you have to give us the lawn ornaments.
 Ross: I go back there with lawn ornaments, he's going to laugh in my face.
 Mrs. Waltham: This is ridiculous. I mean we had an agreement. (Ross looks
 frustrated. She begins to scream at her husband.) Will you say something, Steven?!
 Please!!!
 Mr. Waltham: Don't take that tone with me. (She looks evilly at him.) All-all right
 you can. (He looks over at Ross and Shrugs.)
 [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is dialling the phone and Rachel runs in the door.]
 Rachel: (Running to her room.) Hi, Pheebs.
 Phoebe: (Looking relieved. She puts down the phone.) Oh thank god. Oh, you changed
 your mind. Oh, look I know you probably want to be alone, and you don't want to talk about
 it, that's fine. I just want you to know, I think you are doing the right thing and...
 Rachel: (Running back out the door with her passport.) Bye, Pheebs.
 Phoebe: (Trying to get up.) Wait!! Where are you going?! What are you doing?! No!!
 Wait!! (Not able to get up.) God!! Why am I always pregnant when she does that?!
 [Scene: The Rehearsal Dinner Hall. Chandler, Joey, Ross, Emily, Monica, and all the
 bridal party are seated at the table. Chandler gets up to make a toast. He clinks his glass, but the napkin is still in the glass. Needless to
 say, it sounds weird. He takes out the napkin and clinks his glass again.]


Chandler: I'd like to toast, Ross and Emily. Of course, my big toast will be
 tomorrow at the wedding, so this is kind of my little toast or Melba toast, if you will.
 (No one in the room laughs. He starts to get flustered.) Okay. I known Ross for a long
 time. In fact, I knew him when he was going out with his first girlfriend. (Ross looks
 embarrassed.) And I thought things were going to work out for him.. Until the day he over
 inflated her. (He laughs. Jack looks at Judy and no one in the room laughs.) Ohh, Dear
 God.. (A cellular phone rings.)
 Mrs. Waltham: Hello, Waltham Interiors.
 Phoebe: Oh, hi, Mrs. Waltham. I need to speak with ether one of the best men, or
 Ross's sister Monica.
 Mrs. Waltham: Who is this?
 Phoebe: Oh, I'm Phoebe Buffay. I'm one of Ross's best friends.
 Mrs. Waltham: Where did you get this number?
 Phoebe: I got it from your maid. She's a bitch, but I wore her down.
 Mrs. Waltham: Well, if you're one of Ross's best friends, why aren't you here?
 Phoebe: Yeah, um, I can't fly. I'm having my brother's babies.
 Mrs. Waltham: Oh, am I on the radio?
 Phoebe: No..umm, could I talk to one of them? It's very very important.
 Mrs. Waltham: No, I'm bored with you now. I'm going to cut you off. (She hangs up.)
 Phoebe: Ohh! Okay, I'm going to have to kick her ass too.
 Chandler: (Continuing his toast.) And I'm sure we're all very excited that Ross and
 Emily are getting married at Montgomery Hall. I mean to think, my friend getting married
 in Monty Hall. (No reaction from the people.) Ohh, come on!! Monty Hall!! Lets make a
 Deal!! Come on, you people!! All right, forget it!! Congratulations, Ross and Emily. (He
 sits down.)
 Joey: Hey, best man number two, Joey Tribbiani. Now I'm not good with the jokes
 like Chandler here. Boy...but ahh, I just want to say congratulation to the happy couple.
 I first met Ross in this coffee house back home...Home...New York City...Where everybody
 knows my name. Well anyway, I love you guys. (pointing at everyone.) But not as much as I
 love America. (Looking at Chandler.) Could we please..go home now?
 (One of the bridesmaids, Felicity, puts her arm around Joey.)
 Felicity: (Putting her arm around Joey.) Are you going home? I was hoping to get to
 know you better.
 Joey: (Putting his arm around her.) I'm not going anywhere, sweetheart.
 [Scene: Later that evening at the rehearsal dinner. Chandler and Monica are sitting on
 a sofa. Chandler is covering his face in embarrassment because of the toast.]
 Monica: I was laughing. (Patting him on the knee.)
 Chandler: Out loud?
 Monica: Well I didn't want everyone to think I was stupid.
 Chandler: So how are you doing?
 Monica: My mother's driving me crazy, but Ross is getting married. I'm happy. (A
 drunken man approaches.) I'm not going to let anything spoil that.
 Drunk Man: I just want to say that Ross is a wonderful young man.
 Monica: Well, thanks, we like him.
 Drunk Man: My god!! You must have been a teenage when you had him. (Monica stares
 straight forward after the comment. Chandler tries to console her by patting her on the
 shoulder.)
 (Ross and Emily's parents are seated at a table. Ross is between them and they are
 discussing the wedding bill.)
 Mr. Geller: There's no way in hell, I'm paying for it.
 Ross: Look, were down to just one point. Could we please, maybe just settle it
 after the wedding.
 Mr. Geller: All-right fine, but I just want to say, I'm not paying for your wine
 cellar. You thieving, would be speaking German if it weren't for us, cheap little man.
 (Emily's stepmum looks shocked. Jack and Judy get up and leave.)
 (Chandler's trying to console Monica.)
 Chandler: The guy was hammered, okay? There's no way, you look like Ross's mother.
 Monica: Then why would he say it?
 Chandler: Because he's crazy. Okay? He came up to me earlier and thanked me for my
 very moving performance in Titanic.
 Monica: Oh, my mother's right. I'm never going to get married.
 Chandler: Ahh, you know what? That is....Who wouldn't want you?
 Monica: Ohh, Please?! I'm a single mom, with a thirty year old son!!
 [Scene: The airport. Rachel runs up to the ticket counter.]
 Rachel: Hi, I'm back. Listen, I need to...
 Ticket Agent: Hello.
 Rachel: Hello. I need to get on the 11 o'clock flight.
 Ticket Agent: Oh I'm afraid that plane has already pulled away from the gate.
 Rachel: Okay, you know what? You're going to have to call that plane and tell
 them to swing around and come and pick me up.
 Ticket Agent: I can't do that.
 Rachel: Sure, you know what? Come on, we'll just tell them that there was like a
 problem with like the 'engine'.
 Ticket Agent: I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to step aside, Miss.


Rachel: Look, If I don't get to London!! He is going to marry that other girl!!!
 Ticket Agent: I can't imagine why.
 Rachel: All right, you know what? I am not leaving here, until you call that plane
 back!! (She pounds her hand on the counter twice. The ticket agent counters by placing the
 closed sign on the counter and tapping it twice.)
 [Scene: Chandlers hotel room. Ross bursts into the room.]
 Ross: (Screaming) I'm getting married today!! Whoo-hoo!!
 Chandler: (With the covers pulled up to his chin.) Morning, Ross.
 Ross: I'm getting married, to..day!!
 Chandler: Yeah you are!!
 Ross: Ahh, whoo-hoo!!(He runs back out the door.)
 Monica: (Comes up for below the covers and looks concerned.) Do you think he knew I
 was here? (Chandler quickly looks at Monica not knowing what to say.)
 Commercial Break
 [Scene: The Virgin Atlantic flight to London that Rachel is on.]
 Rachel: Ohhh.(she rhythmically taps her hands on the magazine on her lap.)
 Passenger: Ahh, ahh, excuse me.
 Rachel: Yeah?
 Passenger: If you're planning on doing that throughout the entire flight. Please
 tell me now. So that I could that a sedative...or perhaps slip you one.
 Rachel: Oh. I'm sorry. I'm very sorry. Sorry. (She hums and sighs happily.) It's
 just, I'm ahh, I'm kinda excited. I'm, ahh, going to London to ahh, tell this guy that I
 love him and... (He puts his headphones on to ignore her.)
 [Scene: Chandlers hotel room. Chandler and Monica are lying in the bed together
 talking. There's an awkward air between them. They are both clutching the covers in from
 of them.]
 Chandler: Well I've-I've never done that with you before.
 Monica: (In am uneasy voice.) Nope. (She chuckles uneasily.)
 Chandler: So, ahh, how are ya? How ya...How ya... You okay?
 Monica: Yep, yep...You?
 Chandler: Yes...Yes..Uh-huh, You?(Looking over at her. She looks back.) We did you.
 Monica: Well...I'd better get going.
 Chandler: Oh yea yea, absolutely.
 Monica: (Scoots towards the side of the bed.) Could you not look?
 Chandler: I don't want to look.
 [Scene: Joey enters his hotel room. The phone is ringing.]
 Joey: Hello?
 Phoebe: (Angrily.) Hey, were the hell have you been?!
 Joey: Hey. I spent the night out. I met this cute bridesmaid. She is so...
 Phoebe: I don't want to hear about her!!
 Joey: Ahh Pheebs, you know you're still my number one girl.
 Phoebe: No! No, we have an emergency. Okay? Rachel's coming to London.
 Joey: Ohh great!!!
 Phoebe: No it's not great. No, she's coming to tell Ross that she loves him.
 Joey: (Confused.) But, he loves Emily?
 Phoebe: I KNOW THAT!!! You have to stop her!! She's going to ruin the wedding!!
 Joey: Okay.
 Phoebe: All right, so, okay...
 Joey: Hold on. Hold on. (Picking up a note pad and writing and reading the message
 aloud.) Rachel coming. Do...Something.
 Phoebe: Okay, so I'm done my part, okay. It's your responsibility now, okay. The
 burden is off me, right?
 Joey: Right!
 Phoebe: So tell me about this girl?
 [Scene: The plane. Rachel's telling her story to the passenger on her left. The one on
 her left is still wearing his headphones.]
 Rachel: ...And so then I realised. All this stuff I had been doing. proposing to
 Joshua, lying to Ross about why I couldn't come to the wedding. Was all just a way of...
 Passenger: (Frustrated he takes his headphones off.) Oh, oh oh!! I'm sorry, can I
 interrupt? You know I just want to say..That you are a horrible, horrible person.
 Rachel: Ehh, pardon me?
 Passenger: You say you love this man, yet you're about to ruin the happiest day of
 his life. I'm afraid I have to agree with you friend Pheebs.. This is a..this is
 a...terrible, terrible plan.
 Rachel: But he has to know how I feel!
 Passenger: But why? He loves this...this Emily person. No good can come of this.
 Rachel: (Sighing) Well I-I think your wrong.
 Passenger: Oh-no.(He bites his fist at her.)
 Rachel: Well, he doesn't really love her. I mean, it's just a rebound thing from
 me.... You'll see!
 Passenger: Fortunately, I won't. And by the way, it
 seems to be perfectly clear that you were on a break. (Rachel gasps and doesn't know what
 to say. He puts his headphones back on.)
 [Scene: The guys hotel room. Joey's sitting on his bed, holding
 the note he wrote while talking to Phoebe. He's patting the note with a pen and staring
 off into space.]
 Joey: Do something..... Something....
 (Chandler comes out of the bathroom in a robe.)
 Joey: Hey.
 Chandler: Hey.
 Joey: Have you seen Monica?
 Chandler: (Very defensive.) I'm not seeing Monica.
 Joey: (With a confused look on his face.) What?
 Chandler: What?
 Joey: Look we've got to find her. Phoebe just called!! Rachel's coming to tell Ross
 she loves him!!
 Chandler: Oh my god!
 Joey: I know! That's why we got to find Monica!! You know where she is?


Chandler: No!! Okay!! What's with the third degree?! Why don't you just shine a
 light in my eyes?! (Joey looks totally confused.)
 [Scene: The church where Ross and Emily are to be married. Judy, Andrea, and Monica
 enter together.]
 Mrs. Geller: (Looking around at the chapel.) Oh my God! It's like a fairyland.
 Mrs. Waltham: I know, it's horrible isn't it?
 Monica: Well, I love it. I only hope my wedding looks this good.
 Mrs. Geller: I just hope...
 Monica: (Angrily.) You can let some of them go by!(Judy and Andrea go to the front
 of the chapel. Joey approaches Monica.)
 Joey: (Whispering.) Pisst, Monica. Alright, we really need to start looking out for
 Rachel. I'll cover the front door. You watch that big hole at the back of the building and
 I got Chandler covering Ross.
 Monica: (Awkwardly.) Why would I care where Chandler is? You know uhh...You know
 sometimes I don't even like Chandler.
 Joey: Okay. (They both walk off to watch for Rachel.)
 (Ross and Chandler are standing next to the alter. Ross is practising for the wedding.)
 Ross: (Using a slightly different inflection for each.) I do. I do. I do.
 Chandler: Oh yea, your right. It's the second one.
 Ross: (Very Nervous)Really?
 [Scene: Joey's in the front entrance watching for Rachel. The bridesmaid he met at the
 rehearsal dinner come in.)
 Felicity: (In a sexy voice.)Hello Joey.
 Joey: Hey, Felicity.
 Felicity: Umm, I thought about you all day.
 Joey: Yeah.
 Felicity: Um-hum. Talk New York to me again.
 Joey: (In a New York accent.) Fuggetaboutit. (She giggles.) How you doin?
 Felicity: Mmm. (She pushes him up against the wall and they begin to kiss.)
 Joey: Oh, yeah.
 (Back in the chapel. The parents are still fighting over the bill. Ross is refereeing.)
 Mrs. Geller: There's nothing to discuss. We're not paying for your wine cellar.
 Mr. Waltham: (Pleading.) You-you have to meet me in the middle here.
 Mr. Geller: (Forcefully.) Hey, you keep pushing me on this, my foots going to meet
 the middle of your ass.
 Ross: Dad!! (Emily comes running in.)
 Emily: What-what's going on?!
 Ross: Nothing, nothing. Everything's under control.
 Mr. Waltham: You want a piece of me, sir? Is that what your saying? (Pointing at
 Jack and poking him) You want a piece of me?
 Ross: (Stepping in between them.)Okay! Okay! That's it!! Parents!! Parents!! Back
 away!! All right, this is our wedding day! From now on everyone gets along, and if I hear
 one more word. NO GRANDCHILDREN! (Pointing at his mother.) That's right!!
 Mr. Geller: Okay, okay.
 Mr. Waltham: Sorry old boy, sorry. Sorry. Sorry. (Them all walk away. As he leaves
 he mutters to Jack.) I could kill you with my thumb, you know.
 Emily: What was all that about?
 Ross: (Sighing.) It was...This disagreement over...(She sighs. Ross notices her in
 her wedding dress.) My god. You...you look beautiful.
 Emily: (Giggles.) Ohh...(She realises that she's in her gown.) Oh! You were not
 meant to see me before the wedding. It's bad luck.
 Ross: You know what, I think we've had all the bad luck we're going to have. (He
 hugs her.)
 (The front entrance. Joey and the bridesmaid are up against the wall kissing. Rachel
 comes in the door and walks by Joey unnoticed. She walks into the chapel and sees Ross and
 Emily kissing. She looks as though she wants to cry. Emily walks away and Ross turns and
 sees Rachel standing there.)
 Ross: My God. Rachel! (He walks towards her, grasps her hands and kisses her on the
 cheek.) Your here. I can't believe it. (She giggles.) What happen? Why are you here?
 Rachel: Well I just came...(She touches him near his heart. She's almost in tears.)
 I just needed to tell you...(Looking into his eyes. She takes a deep breath.)
 Congratulations. (He hugs her. She can barely hold back the tears.)
 [Scene: Camera fades to one of the band members playing guitar at the wedding. The
 chapel is full of guest. A groomsmen escorts a bridesmaid down the isle. Joey is waiting
 with Mrs. Waltham to escort he down the isle. A cellular phone rings.]
 Mrs. Waltham: (Answering the phone.) Hello, Waltham Interiors.
 Phoebe: Mrs. Waltham. Hi. It's Phoebe again.
 Mrs. Waltham: (Throws her head back in disgust.) Why?!
 Phoebe: Yea. Can I please, please, please talk to one of the best men? This is
 going to be the last time I promise.
 Mrs. Waltham: (Slapping the phone into Joey's chest.) Joey there's a girl on the
 phone for you.
 Joey: (Smiling.) Ohh great!! (Putting the phone to his ear.) Hello. (He begins to
 escort her down the aisle.)
 Phoebe: Joey, it's Phoebe. Did you stop Rachel?
 Joey: No, but it's okay. She just came in and gave him a hug, that it.
 Phoebe: So nothing got ruined?
 Joey: No.
 Phoebe: Oh that's so great! Ohh, so what's going on now?
 Joey: Ah, I'm-I'm walking down the aisle...Still walking. (Mrs. Waltham takes her
 place.) I'm about to pass the bridesmaid I hooked up with last night. (Looking at the
 bridesmaid.) Hey! (Talking to Phoebe.) I told her 'Hey.' And now I'm at the
 front with Ross. It's Phoebe. (He shows Ross the phone.) He looks pretty mad. Uh...I'd
 better go.


Phoebe: No!! wait, wait, wait!! Oh please, hold it up so I can listen. (Joey looks
 at Ross and holds the phone above Ross's shoulder.)
 (Chandler escorts Monica down the aisle.)
 Chandler: What we did last night was....
 Monica: Stupid.
 Chandler: Totally crazy stupid. (He nods his head at the people seated.)
 Monica: What were we thinking?
 Chandler: I'm coming over tonight though, right?
 Monica: Oh yeah. Definitely.
 (They quickly take their places and Here Comes the Bride begins to play. Everyone
 seated looks back. Emily is being escorted up the aisle by her father. She kisses him on
 the cheek and takes her place by Ross's side.)
 Minister: Friends. Family. We are gathered to celebrate here today the joyous union
 of Ross and Emily. May the happiness we share with them today be with them always. Now
 Emily, repeat after me. I, Emily...
 Emily: I, Emily...
 Minister: Take thee Ross...
 Emily: Take thee Ross...
 Minister: As my lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, till death
 parts us.
 Emily: As my lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, until death parts
 us.
 Minister: Now Ross, repeat after me. I Ross...
 Ross: I Ross...
 Minister: Take thee, Emily...
 Ross: Take thee, Rachel...(All his friends have looks of shock on their faces. He
 realises what he said. Quickly he says.) Emily. (A slight chuckle.) Emily.
 (Rachel looks all around as if all the eyes in the chapel were looking at her.)
 Rachel: (To the woman sitting in front of her) He-he said Rachel, right? Do you
 think I should go up there?
 Minister: (Looking and feeling awkward. he looks towards Emily.) Uhh...Shall I go
 on?
 (Transcriber's Note: This is orginally where the season four cliffhanger was. So
 you all have to wait four months before reading on.)
 Emily: Yes, yes, do go on.
 (Cut to the parents.)
 Mr. Geller: (to Mr. Waltham) He better go on for what I'm paying.
 Mr. Waltham: After what he just said, you're paying for the whole bloody lot.
 Minister: I think we'd better start again. Ross, repeat after me. I, Ross...
 Ross: I, Ross...
 Minister: Take thee, EM-I-LY...
 Ross: Take thee, (Glares at the Minister) Emily. (Chuckles) Like there'd be
 anybody else. (Emily is glaring at him.)
 Minister: As my lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, till death parts
 us.
 (Cut to the Walthams.)
 Mrs. Waltham: (to Mr. Waltham) Looks like that might come any minute.
 Ross: As my lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, until death parts us.
 Really, I do. Emily. (Points at her.)
 Minister: May I have the rings? (He is given the rings) Emily, place this ring on
 Ross's finger as a symbol of your bond everlasting. (She jams the ring onto his finger)
 Ross, place this ring in Emily's hand as a symbol of the love that encircles you forever.
 Ross: Happy to.
 Minister: Ross and Emily have made their declarations and it gives me great
 pleasure to declare them husband and wife.
 Ross: Yay!
 Minister: You may kiss the bride.
 (He goes to kiss her, but she isn't very receptive of the kiss. She keeps avoiding him,
 until Ross finally gets to kiss her on her cheek.)
 Mrs. Geller: (To Mr. Geller) This is worse than when he married the lesbian.
 (The band starts to play, and the recessional starts. Ross tries to take Emily's hand,
 but she snatches it away from him.)
 Emily: Just keep smiling.
 Ross: Okay.
 Joey: Well, that went well. Yeah.
 Chandler: It could've been worse, he could've shot her.
 (Ross and Emily make it to the lobby.)
 Ross: (laughs) That uh, that was pretty funny. Wasn't it?
 (Emily gives him a forearm shot across the stomach.)
 Commercial Break
 [Scene: The Wedding reception, Ross and Emily are in the bathroom and Emily is yelling
 at him. Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are standing outside the doorway.]
 Emily: (Yelling from inside the bathroom) You've spoiled everything! It's like a
 nightmare! My friends and family are out there! How can I face them?! How can you do this
 to me?!
 Joey: (To the gang) Hey, no matter what happens with Ross and Emily, we still get
 cake right?
 Ross: (exiting the bathroom) That-that-that's all right, no honey, you take your
 time sweetie. I'll be right out here. (She slams the door in his face, to the gang) She's
 just fixing her makeup.
 Emily: I hate you!!
 Ross: And, I love you!! (He walks into the living room)
 Mr. Geller: Boy, bad time to say the wrong name, huh Ross?
 Ross: That's true, thanks dad. (To All) People should be dancing! Huh? Hey, this is
 a party! Come on! Joey, dance!! (He starts to dance but stops when no one else joins him.)
 (Mrs. Waltham's phone rings and she answers it.)
 Mrs. Waltham: Yes, Waltham interiors.
 Phoebe: (On the phone, in New York) Uh, hello, this is Ross Geller's personal
 physician, Dr. Philange.
 Mrs. Waltham: Who?


Phoebe: Yeah, I've discovered that Ross forgot to take his brain medicine, uh, now
 without it, uh, in the brain of Ross, uh women's names are interchangeable,
 through-through no fault of his own.
 Mrs. Waltham: Oh my God, Phoebe.
 Phoebe: No, not Phoebe, Dr. Philange. Oh no! You have it too!
 (Mrs. Waltham hangs up on her.)
 Phoebe: Hello? What kind of bitch hangs up on a doctor!
 (Cut to Chandler and Monica at the buffet table.)
 Chandler: Hey.
 Monica: Hey.
 Chandler: Oh wow, I hope you don't take this the wrong way but, I know we had plans
 to meet up tonight and, ugh, I'm just kinda worried about what it might do to our
 friendship.
 Monica: I know. How could we have let this happen?
 Chandler: Seven times!
 Monica: Ugh! Well, y'know, we were away...
 Chandler: In a foreign, romantic country...
 Monica: I blame London.
 Chandler: Bad London! (Takes a spoon and smacks the turkey.)
 Monica: So look umm, while we're st-still in London, I mean, we can keep doing it
 right?
 Chandler: Well, I don't see that we have a choice. But, when we're back home, we
 don't do it.
 Monica: Only here.
 Chandler: Y'know, I saw a wine cellar downstairs...
 Monica: I'll meet you there in two minutes.
 Chandler: Okay!
 (He throws down his plate and runs to the wine cellar, Monica is about to follow him
 but is intercepted by Rachel.)
 Rachel: Mon, honey, I gotta ask you something.
 Monica: (impatiently) Now?
 Rachel: Ross said my name up there, I mean, come on, I just can't pretend that
 didn't happen can I?
 Monica: Oh, I-I don't know.
 Rachel: Monica, what should I do?
 Monica: Just uh, do the right thing. (Uses some breath spray)
 Rachel: What?
 Monica: Toe the line. Thread the needle. Think outside the box! (Tries to leave,
 but is stopped by Rachel.)
 Rachel: Whoa, wait, listen, I think I'm just gonna talk to Ross about what he think
 it meant.
 Monica: Wait. Rachel, no, he's married. Married! If you don't realise that, I can't
 help you.
 Rachel: Okay, you're right. You're right. You can't help me.
 (Cut to Mr. and Mrs. Geller.)
 Mrs. Geller: Jack, is it all our fault? Were we bad parents?
 Mr. Waltham: (walking by) Yes.
 Mr. Geller: Oh yeah, well who serves steak when there's no place to sit, I mean how
 are you supposed to eat this?
 Joey: Hey, what's up? (He has solved the problem of eating the steak, he's eating
 it with his hands.)
 Joey: (motions to himself and Mrs. Geller and grins) You and me, next dance?
 (Cut to Rachel who is walking past Mrs. Waltham.)
 Mrs. Waltham: Sweetheart, sweetheart...
 Rachel: Yes?
 Mrs. Waltham: You know, we're all wondering who this Rachel is. Can you point her
 out to me?
 Rachel: Oh, you know what? Rachel.. She just left. (Points at the entrance.)
 Mrs. Waltham: Oh.. Never mind. Who are you?
 Rachel: Ra.... Er.. Barbra.
 Mrs. Waltham: Red Barbra?
 Rachel: Yeah. (Smiles uneasily.)
 (Cut to Monica and Chandler, Monica is running up to him.)
 Monica: Where were you? We were supposed to meet in the wine cellar?
 Chandler: Forget it, that's off.
 Monica: Why?!
 Mr. Waltham: (drunkenly) The next tour of the wine cellar will plan in two in-in
 minutes...
 (Joey walks up to them.)
 Monica: Joey, what are you doing? You promised Phoebe you wouldn't eat meat until
 she has the babies!
 Joey: Well, I figured we're in another country, so it doesn't count.
 Monica: That's true.
 Chandler: The man's got a point.
 (Cut to Rachel and Ross.)
 Rachel: Oh, hi!
 Ross: Hi!
 Rachel: Hi. Sorry, things aren't working out so well.
 Ross: Oh no! It could be better, but it's gonna be okay, right?
 Rachel: Oh yeah! Of course, I mean, she's gonna get over this, y'know? I mean, so
 you said my name! Y'know you just said it 'cause you saw me there, if you'd have seen a
 circus freak, you would've said, 'I take thee circus freak.' Y'know, it didn't
 mean anything, it's just a mistake. It didn't mean anything. Right?
 Ross: No! No! Of course it didn't mean anything! I mean, uh well, I can understand
 why Emily would think it meant something, y'know, because-because it was you...
 Rachel: Right...
 Ross: But it absolutely didn't. (Yelling towards the bathroom) It didn't!! It
 didn't!!
 Joey: (approaching) Ross, hey, the band's ready outside for your first dance with
 Emily, so...
 Ross: (sarcastic) Oh! Oh-oh, the band's ready! Well, I-I-we gotta do what the band
 says-I don't care about the stupid band!!
 Joey: You spit on me man! (Wipes his face.)
 Ross: Look, I'm sorry.
 Joey: Emily is kinda taking a long time, huh?
 Rachel: (laughs) Y'know when I locked myself in the bathroom at my wedding, it was
 because I was trying to pop the window out of the frame.


Ross: Oh, right!
 Rachel: Get the hell out of there, y'know?
 (They all start laughing, and quickly stop when they realise what she just said and run
 over to the bathroom.)
 Ross: (Bangs on the bathroom door) Emily? Emily? I'm coming in. (He opens the door
 to reveal that the window is gone, along with Emily.)
 Rachel: Well, look at that, same thing.
 [Scene: London Marriott, Monica and Chandler are walking to her room.]
 Chandler: Listen, in the middle of everything if I scream the word,
 'Yippee!' just ignore me.
 (She laughs and opens the door to reveal Rachel sitting on the bed.)
 Monica: Oh my God, Rachel! Hi!
 Chandler: Oh, hello Rachel.
 Rachel: Ross said my name. Okay? My name.
 Monica: How did you get in here?
 Rachel: If anybody asks, I'm your sister, Joan. Listen.
 C'mon, you guys. Ross said my name up there that obviously means that he still
 loves me!
 Chandler: (to Monica) Your sister Joan is crazy.
 Rachel: (They both just stare at her.)Y'know what? Fine, I
 don't care. Don't believe me, I know I'm right-do you guys want to go downstairs
 and get a drink?
 Chandler: Yes, we do. But, we have to change first.
 Monica: Yes, I want to change. And why-why don't you go down and get us a table?
 Chandler: Yeah, we'll be down in like five minutes.
 Monica: (elbows him) Fifteen minutes.
 Rachel: Okay.
 (The phone rings and Rachel answers it.)
 Rachel: Hello? Oh, Pheebs! (To them) It's Phoebe!
 Chandler: Oh, yay...
 Monica: Great...
 Rachel: Hi!
 Phoebe: Hi, so what happened?
 Rachel: Well, Ross said my name.
 Phoebe: Yeah, I know, but I don't think that means anything.
 Rachel: Okay, Pheebs, y'know what, let's look at this objectively all right? Ninth
 grade, right? The obsession starts. All right? The summer after ninth grade he sees me in
 a two-piece for the first time, his obsession begins to grow. So then...
 Chandler: (To Monica) Hey, listen, why don't we go change in my room?
 Monica: But my clothes are-ohh! (They both leave.)
 (Cut to Chandler's room, he opens the door slowly to see if Joey is there and after
 seeing that he isn't, ushers Monica into the room, closes the door, and the security bar.)
 Chandler: Wow, you look...
 Monica: No time for that!
 (They both start to frantically rip each other's clothes off, but are interrupted when
 Joey tries to open the door.)
 Joey: Hey, dude, let me in. I got a girl out here!
 Chandler: Well, I've got a girl in here.
 Joey: No you don't, I just saw you go in there with Monica!
 Chandler: Well, we're-we're hanging out in here!
 Joey: Look, which one of us is gonna be having sex in there, me or you?
 Chandler: Well, I suppose I'd have to say you!! But, what if we're watching a movie
 in here?
 Monica: Which we are, and-and we already paid for it. It's My Giant!
 Joey: My Giant? I love that movie!
 [Scene: Ross and Emily's room, Chandler and Monica are still looking for a place to do
 the deed.]
 Monica: You really think this is okay?
 Chandler: Well, Ross and Emily aren't gonna use it.
 Monica: Oh, it's so beautiful. Ohh! Y'know, I-I don't know if I feel right about
 this.
 Chandler: Oh Mon-Mon-Mon-Mon-look, this is the honeymoon suite. The room
 expects sex. The room would be disappointed if it didn't get sex. All of the other
 honeymoon suites would think it was a loser.
 Monica: Okay!
 Chandler: Okay!
 (They both run to rip the covers off the bed, but are interrupted by Ross.)
 Ross: (entering) Emily?!
 Chandler: Nope, not under here!
 Monica: You didn't find her?
 Ross: No, I've looked everywhere!
 Chandler: Well, you couldn't have looked everywhere or else you would've found her!
 Monica: Yeah, I think you should keep looking!
 Chandler: Yeah, for about 30 minutes.
 Monica: Or 45.
 Chandler: Wow, in 45 minutes you can find her twice. (Monica smiles at that.)
 Ross: No! For all I know, she's trying to find me but couldn't because I kept
 moving around. No, from now on, I'm staying in one place. (He sits down on the bed.) Right
 here.
 Monica: Well, it's getting late.
 Chandler: Yeah, we're gonna go.
 Ross: Actually, do you guys mind staying here for a while?
 Monica: Ugh, y'know, umm we gotta get up early and catch that plane for New York.
 Chandler: Yeah, it's a very large plane.
 Ross: (disappointed) That's cool.
 Chandler: But, we'll stay here with you.
 Ross: Thanks guys! (They both sit down on either side of him.) I really appreciate
 this, y'know, but you don't have to rub my butt.
 (Chandler slowly takes his hand away.)
 Commercial Break
 [Scene: Ross and Emily's room, the next morning. Ross is now asleep and has his head in
 Monica's lap and his feet on Chandler's lap. Monica and Chandler are both still awake and
 depressed.]


Chandler: We have to leave for New York in an hour.
 Monica: I know, I've been looking at those doors, they look pretty sound proof,
 don't you think?
 Chandler: We can't do that that's insane. I mean 'A' he could wake up and 'B'
 y'know, let's go for it.
 (They both try to slowly extricate themselves from Ross, but there's a knock on the
 door that awakens him.)
 Ross: Em-Emily? (Looking around for her.) Em-Emily? (He runs to the door.) Emily!
 (He opens the door to reveal the Walthams standing outside.)
 Mr. Waltham: No.
 Mrs. Waltham: You can forget about Emily, she's not with us.
 Mr. Waltham: We've come for her things.
 Ross: Wait, well wh-wh-wh-where is she?
 Mr. Waltham: She's in hiding. She's utterly humiliated. She doesn't want to see you
 ever again.
 Mrs. Waltham: We're very sad that it didn't work out between you and Emily, monkey.
 But, I think you're absolutely delicious.
 Mr. Waltham: Excuse me, I'm standing right here!
 Mrs. Waltham: Oh yes, there you are.
 Rachel: (entering, carrying an armful of those little soaps.) Hey-hey, you guys oh
 hurry up, get some, there's a whole cart outside... (Sees the Walthams and stops.)
 Mr. Waltham: Goodbye Geller.
 Ross: Now, hold on! Hold on! (Stops him) Look, look, your daughter and I are
 supposed to leave tonight for our honeymoon, now-now you-you tell her that I'm gonna be at
 that airport and I hope that she'll be there too! Oh yeah, I said Rachel's name, but it
 didn't mean anything, Okay? She's-she's just a friend and that's all! (Rachel sits down,
 depressed.) That's all! Now just tell Emily that I love her and that I can't imagine
 spending my life with anyone else. Please, promise me that you'll tell her that.
 Mr. Waltham: All right, I'll tell her. (To his wife) Come on bugger face!
 Mrs. Waltham: (As she walks pass Ross, she pats his but.) Call me.
 Mr. Waltham: You spend half your life in the bathroom, why don't you ever go out
 the bloody window!

 [Scene: A 747 somewhere over the North Atlantic, Monica and Chandler are sitting in
 first class, depressed.]
 Monica: Y'know, maybe it's best that we never got to do it again.
 Chandler: Yeah, it kinda makes that-that one night special. (Realises something)
 Y'know, technically we still are over international waters.
 Monica: I'm gonna go to the bathroom, maybe I'll see you there in a bit?
 Chandler: 'Kay!
 (Monica gets up and heads for the bathroom, Chandler turns to watch her go and is
 startled to see Joey sitting in Monica's seat.)
 Joey: Can I ask you something?
 Chandler: Uhh, no.
 Joey: Felicity and I, we're watching My Giant, and I was thinking, 'I'm
 never gonna be as good an actor as that giant.' Do you think I'm just wasting my life
 with this acting thing?
 Chandler: No.
 Joey: I mean, the giant is like five years younger than me, y'know, you think I'll
 ever get there?
 Chandler: Yes.
 Joey: Thanks man.
 Chandler: Okay man. (Chandler starts to get up.)
 Joey: But what about how much taller he is than me?
 (Time lapse, Chandler is finishing his third little bottle of booze.)
 Joey: I mean, there's no way I can make myself taller now, y'know? And who knows
 what science will come up with in the future, but Chandler, what if I die an unsuccessful,
 regular sized man?
 (Monica returns.)
 Joey: Hey, Monica, wow you've been in the bathroom for like a half-hour.
 Monica: I know!
 Joey: Had the beef-tips, huh?

 [Scene: An airport in London, Ross is waiting for Emily to show up to go on their
 honeymoon and sees Rachel walking past.]
 Ross: Rach! Rach!
 Rachel: (she stops and turns) Hi!
 Ross: Hi! What are you, what are you doing here?
 Rachel: Well, I-I-I've been on Standby for a flight home for hours.
 Ross: Oh.
 Rachel: Ohh, so no sign of Emily huh?
 Ross: Not yet.
 Rachel: So umm, what time are you supposed to leave?
 Gate Agent: (On the P.A.) This is the last call for Flight 1066 to Athens. The
 last call.
 Ross: Pretty soon I guess.
 Rachel: Yeah. I'm sorry.
 Ross: I just, I don't understand, I mean, how-how can she do this? Y'know, what, am
 I, am I like a complete idiot for thinking that she'd actually show up?
 Rachel: No, you're not an idiot, Ross. You're a guy very much in love.
 Ross: Same difference.
 Gate Agent: (On the P.A.) All ticketed passengers for Flight 1066 to Athens
 should now be on board.
 Ross: I get it! Well, that's that.
 Rachel: No, you know what, I think you should go.
 Ross: What?
 Rachel: Yeah, I do. I think you should go, by yourself, get some distance, clear
 your head, I think it'd be really good.
 Ross: Oh, I don't, I don't, I don't know...


 The One After Ross Says Rachel
 The One After Ross Says Rachel
 Written by: Seth Kurland
 Transcribed by: Eric Aasen
 [Scene: Ross's Wedding, continued from last season, the Minister is about to marry
 Ross and Emily.]
 Minister: Friends. Family. We are gathered to celebrate here today the joyous
 union of Ross and Emily. (Time lapse) Now Ross, repeat after me. I Ross...
 Ross: I Ross...
 Minister: Take thee, Emily...
 Ross: Take thee, Rachel...(All his friends have looks of shock on their faces.
 He realizes what he said. Quickly he says.) Emily. (A slight chuckle.) Emily.
 Minister: (Looking and feeling awkward. he looks towards Emily.) Uhh...Shall I
 go on?
 Rachel: (To the woman sitting in front of her) He-he said Rachel, right? Do you
 think I should go up there?
 Emily: Yes, yes, do go on.
 Minister: I think we'd better start again. Ross, repeat after me. I,
 Ross
 Ross: I, Ross
 Minister: Take thee, EM-I-LY
 Ross: Take thee, (Glares at the Minister) Emily. (Chuckles) Like
 there'd be anybody else. (Emily is glaring at him.)
 Minister: As my lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, till death
 parts us.
 Ross: As my lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, until death parts
 us. Really, I do. Emily. (Points at her.)
 Minister: May I have the rings? (He is given the rings) Emily, place this ring
 on Ross's finger as a symbol of your bond everlasting. (She jams the ring onto his
 finger) Ross, place this ring in Emily's hand as a symbol of the love that encircles
 you forever.
 Ross: Happy too.
 Minister: Ross and Emily have made their declarations and it gives me great
 pleasure to declare them husband and wife.
 Ross: Yay!
 Minister: You may kiss the bride.
 (He goes to kiss her, but she isn't very receptive of the kiss. She keeps avoiding
 him, until Ross finally gets to kiss her on her cheek.)
 Mrs. Geller: (To Mr. Geller) This is worse than when he married the lesbian.
 (The band starts to play, and the recessional starts. Ross tries to take Emily's
 hand, but she snatches it away from him.)
 Emily: Just keep smiling.
 Ross: Okay.
 Joey: Well, that went well. Yeah.
 Chandler: It could've been worse, he could've shot her.
 (Ross and Emily make it to the lobby.)
 Ross: (laughs) That uh, that was pretty funny. Wasn't it?
 (Emily gives him a forearm shot across the stomach.)
 Opening Credits
 [Scene: The Wedding reception, Ross and Emily are in the bathroom and Emily is yelling
 at him. Rachel, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are standing outside the doorway.]
 Emily: (Yelling from inside the bathroom) You've spoiled everything!
 It's like a nightmare! My friends and family are out there! How can I face them?! How
 can you do this to me?!
 Joey: (To the gang) Hey, no matter what happens with Ross and Emily, we still
 get cake right?
 Ross: (exiting the bathroom) That-that-that's all right, no honey, you take
 your time sweetie. I'll be right out here. (She slams the door in his face, to the
 gang) She's just fixing her makeup.
 Emily: I hate you!!
 Ross: And, I love you!! (He walks into the living room)
 Mr. Geller: Boy, bad time to say the wrong name, huh Ross?
 Ross: That's true, thanks dad. (To All) People should be dancing! Huh? Hey,
 this is a party! Come on! Joey, dance!! (He starts to dance but stops when no one else
 joins him.)
 (Mrs. Waltham's phone rings and she answers it.)
 Mrs. Waltham: Yes, Waltham interiors.
 Phoebe: (On the phone, in New York) Uh, hello, this is Ross Geller's
 personal physician, Dr. Philange.
 Mrs. Waltham: Who?
 Phoebe: Yeah, I've discovered that Ross forgot to take his brain medicine,
 uh, now without it, uh, in the brain of Ross, uh women's names are interchangeable,
 through-through no fault of his own.
 Mrs. Waltham: Oh my God, Phoebe.
 Phoebe: No, not Phoebe, Dr. Philange. Oh no! You have it too!
 (Mrs. Waltham hangs up on her.)
 Phoebe: Hello?
 (Cut to Chandler and Monica at the buffet table.)
 Chandler: Hey.
 Monica: Hey.
 Chandler: Oh wow, I hope you don't take this the wrong way but, I know we
 had plans to meet up tonight and, ugh, I'm just kinda worried about what it might do
 to our friendship.
 Monica: I know. How could we have let this happen?
 Chandler: Seven times!
 Monica: Ugh! Well, y'know, we were away
 Chandler: In a foreign, romantic country
 Monica: I blame London.
 Chandler: Bad London! (Takes a spoon and smacks the turkey.)
 Monica: So look umm, while we're st-still in London, I mean, we can keep
 doing it right?
 Chandler: Well, I don't see that we have a choice. But, when we're
 back home, we don't do it.
 Monica: Only here.
 Chandler: Y'know, I saw a wine cellar downstairs


Monica: I'll meet you there in two minutes.
 Chandler: Okay!
 (He throws down his plate and runs to the wine cellar, Monica is about to follow him
 but is intercepted by Rachel.)
 Rachel: Mon, honey, I gotta ask you something.
 Monica: (impatiently) Now?
 Rachel: Ross said my name up there, I mean, come on, I just can't pretend
 that didn't happen can I?
 Monica: Oh, I-I don't know.
 Rachel: Monica, what should I do?
 Monica: Just uh, do the right thing. (Uses some breath spray)
 Rachel: What?
 Monica: Toe the line. Thread the needle. Think outside the box! (Tries to leave,
 but is stopped by Rachel.)
 Rachel: Whoa, wait, listen, I think I'm just gonna talk to Ross about what
 he think it meant.
 Monica: Wait. Rachel, no, he's married. Married! If you don't realize
 that, I can't help you.
 Rachel: Okay, you're right. You're right. You can't help me.
 (Cut to Mr. and Mrs. Geller.)
 Mrs. Geller: Jack, is it all our fault? Were we bad parents?
 Mr. Waltham: (walking by) Yes.
 Mr. Geller: Oh yeah, well who serves steak when there's no place to sit, I
 mean how are you supposed to eat this?
 Joey: Hey, what's up? (He has solved the problem of eating the steak,
 he's eating it with his hands.)
 (Cut to Monica and Chandler, Monica is running up to him.)
 Monica: Where were you? We were supposed to meet in the wine cellar?
 Chandler: Forget it, that's off.
 Monica: Why?!
 Mr. Waltham: (drunkenly) The next tour of the wine cellar will plan in two in-in
 minutes
 (Joey walks up to them.)
 Monica: Joey, what are you doing? You promised Phoebe you wouldn't eat meat
 until she has the babies!
 Joey: Well, I figured we're in another country, so it doesn't count.
 Monica: That's true.
 Chandler: The man's got a point.
 (Cut to Rachel and Ross.)
 Rachel: Oh, hi!
 Ross: Hi!
 Rachel: Hi. Sorry, things aren't working out so well.
 Ross: Oh no! It could be better, but it's gonna be okay, right?
 Rachel: Oh yeah! Of course, I mean, she's gonna get over this, y'know?
 I mean, so you said my name! Y'know you just said it  cause you saw me there, if
 you'd have seen a circus freak, you would've said, 'I take thee circus
 freak.' Y'know, it didn't mean anything, it's just a mistake. It
 didn't mean anything. Right?
 Ross: No! No! Of course it didn't mean anything! I mean, uh well, I can
 understand why Emily would think it meant something, y'know, because-because it was
 you
 Rachel: Right
 Ross: But it absolutely didn't. (Yelling towards the bathroom) It
 didn't!! It didn't!!
 Joey: (approaching) Ross, hey, the band's ready outside for your first
 dance with Emily, so
 Ross: (sarcastic) Oh! Oh-oh, the band's ready! Well, I-I-we gotta do what
 the band says I don't care about the stupid band!!
 Joey: You spit on me man! (Wipes his face.)
 Ross: Look, I'm sorry.
 Joey: Emily is kinda taking a long time, huh?
 Rachel: (laughs) Y'know when I locked myself in the bathroom at my wedding,
 it was because I was trying to pop the window out of the frame.
 Ross: Oh, right!
 Rachel: Get the hell out of there, y'know?
 (They all start laughing, and quickly stop when they realize what she just said and run
 over to the bathroom.)
 Ross: (Bangs on the bathroom door) Emily? Emily? I'm coming in. (He opens
 the door to reveal that the window is gone, along with Emily.)
 Rachel: Well, look at that, same thing.
 [Scene: London Marriott, Monica and Chandler are walking to her room.]
 Chandler: Listen, in the middle of everything if I scream the word,
 'Yippee!' just ignore me.
 (She laughs and opens the door to reveal Rachel sitting on the bed.)
 Monica: Oh my God, Rachel! Hi!
 Chandler: Oh, hello Rachel.
 Rachel: Ross said my name. Okay? My name. Ross said my name up there that
 obviously means that he still loves me! (They both just stare at her.) Okay, don't
 believe me, I know I'm right do you guys want to go downstairs and get a drink?
 Chandler: Yes, we do. But, we have to change first.
 Monica: Yes, I want to change. And why-why don't you go down and get us a
 table?
 Chandler: Yeah, we'll be down in like five minutes.
 Monica: (elbows him) Fifteen minutes.
 Rachel: Okay.
 (The phone rings and Rachel answers it.)
 Rachel: Hello? Oh, Pheebs! (To them) It's Phoebe!
 Chandler: Oh, yay
 Monica: Great
 Rachel: Hi!
 Phoebe: Hi, so what happened?
 Rachel: Well, Ross said my name.
 Phoebe: Yeah, I know, but I don't think that means anything.
 Rachel: Okay, Pheebs, y'know what, let's look at this objectively all
 right? Ninth grade, right? The obsession starts. All right? The summer after ninth grade
 he sees me in a two-piece for the first time, his obsession begins to grow. So then


Chandler: (To Monica) Hey, listen, why don't we go change in my room?
 Monica: But my clothes are ohh! (They both leave.)
 (Cut to Chandler's room, he opens the door slowly to see if Joey is there and
 after seeing that he isn't, ushers Monica into the room, closes the door, and the
 security bar.)
 Chandler: Wow, you look
 Monica: No time for that!
 (They both start to frantically rip each other's clothes off, but are interrupted
 when Joey tries to open the door.)
 Joey: Hey, dude, let me in. I got a girl out here!
 Chandler: Well, I've got a girl in here.
 Joey: No you don't, I just saw you go in there with Monica!
 Chandler: Well, we're-we're hanging out in here!
 Joey: Look, which one of us is gonna be having sex in there, me or you?
 Chandler: Well, I suppose I'd have to say you!! But, what if we're
 watching a movie in here?
 Monica: Which we are, and-and we already paid for it. It's My Giant!
 Joey: My Giant? I love that movie!
 [Scene: Ross and Emily's room, Chandler and Monica are still looking for a place
 to do the deed.]
 Monica: You really think this is okay?
 Chandler: Well, Ross and Emily aren't gonna use it.
 Monica: Oh, it's so beautiful. Ohh! Y'know, I-I don't know if I
 feel right about this.
 Chandler: Oh Mon-Mon-Mon-Mon-look, this is the honeymoon suite. The room
 expects sex. The room would be disappointed if it didn't get sex. All of the
 other honeymoon suites would think it was a loser.
 Monica: Okay!
 Chandler: Okay!
 (They both run to rip the covers off the bed, but are interrupted by Ross.)
 Ross: (entering) Emily?!
 Chandler: Nope, not under here!
 Monica: You didn't find her?
 Ross: No, I've looked everywhere!
 Chandler: Well, you couldn't have looked everywhere or else you
 would've found her!
 Monica: Yeah, I think you should keep looking!
 Chandler: Yeah, for about 30 minutes.
 Monica: Or 45.
 Chandler: Wow, in 45 minutes you can find her twice. (Monica smiles at that.)
 Ross: No! For all I know, she's trying to find me but couldn't because
 I kept moving around. No, from now on, I'm staying in one place. (He sits down on the
 bed.) Right here.
 Monica: Well, it's getting late.
 Chandler: Yeah, we're gonna go.
 Ross: Actually, do you guys mind staying here for a while?
 Monica: Ugh, y'know, umm we gotta get up early and catch that plane for New
 York.
 Chandler: Yeah, it's a very large plane.
 Ross: (disappointed) That's cool.
 Chandler: But, we'll stay here with you.
 Ross: Thanks guys! (They both sit down on either side of him.) I really
 appreciate this, y'know, but you don't have to rub my butt.
 (Chandler slowly takes his hand away.)
 Commercial Break
 [Scene: Ross and Emily's room, the next morning. Ross is now asleep and has his
 head in Monica's lap and his feet on Chandler's lap. Monica and Chandler are
 both still awake and depressed.]
 Chandler: We have to leave for New York in an hour.
 Monica: I know, I've been looking at those doors, they look pretty sound
 proof, don't you think?
 Chandler: We can't do that that's insane. I mean  A' he
 could wake up and  B' y'know, let's go for it.
 (They both try to slowly extricate themselves from Ross, but there's a knock on
 the door that awakens him.)
 Ross: Em-Emily? (Looking around for her.) Em-Emily? (He runs to the door.)
 Emily! (He opens the door to reveal the Walthams standing outside.)
 Mr. Waltham: No.
 Mrs. Waltham: You can forget about Emily, she's not with us.
 Mr. Waltham: We've come for her things.
 Ross: Wait, well wh-wh-wh-where is she?
 Mr. Waltham: She's in hiding. She's utterly humiliated. She
 doesn't want to see you ever again.
 Mrs. Waltham: We're very sad that it didn't work out between you and
 Emily, monkey. But, I think you're absolutely delicious.
 Mr. Waltham: Excuse me, I'm standing right here!
 Mrs. Waltham: Oh yes, there you are.
 Rachel: (entering, carrying an armful of those little soaps.) Hey-hey, you guys
 oh hurry up, get some, there's a whole cart outside  (Sees the Walthams and
 stops.)
 Mr. Waltham: Goodbye Geller.
 Ross: Now, hold on! Hold on! (Stops him) Look, look, your daughter and I are
 supposed to leave tonight for our honeymoon, now-now you-you tell her that I'm gonna
 be at that airport and I hope that she'll be there too! Oh yeah, I said Rachel's
 name, but it didn't mean anything, Okay? She's-she's just a friend and
 that's all! (Rachel sits down, depressed.) That's all! Now just tell Emily that
 I love her and that I can't imagine spending my life with anyone else. Please,
 promise me that you'll tell her that.
 Mr. Waltham: All right, I'll tell her. (To his wife) Come on bugger face!
 Mrs. Waltham: (As she walks pass Ross, she pats his but.) Call me.
 Mr. Waltham: You spend half your life in the bathroom, why don't you ever
 go out the bloody window!
 [Scene: A 747 somewhere over the North Atlantic, Monica and Chandler are sitting in
 first class, depressed.]


Monica: Y'know, maybe it's best that we never got to do it again.
 Chandler: Yeah, it kinda makes that-that one night special. (Realizes something)
 Y'know, technically we still are over international waters.
 Monica: I'm gonna go to the bathroom, maybe I'll see you there in a
 bit?
 Chandler:  Kay!
 (Monica gets up and heads for the bathroom, Chandler turns to watch her go and is
 startled to see Joey sitting in Monica's seat.)
 Joey: Can I ask you something?
 Chandler: Uhh, no.
 Joey: Felicity and I, we're watching My Giant, and I was thinking,
 'I'm never gonna be as good an actor as that giant.' Do you think I'm
 just wasting my life with this acting thing?
 Chandler: No.
 Joey: I mean, the giant is like five years younger than me, y'know, you
 think I'll ever get there?
 Chandler: Yes.
 Joey: Thanks man.
 Chandler: Okay man. (Chandler starts to get up.)
 Joey: But what about how much taller he is than me?
 (Time lapse, Chandler is finishing his third little bottle of booze.)
 Joey: I mean, there's no way I can make myself taller now, y'know? And
 who knows what science will come up with in the future, but Chandler, what if I die an
 unsuccessful, regular sized man?
 (Monica returns.)
 Joey: Hey, Monica, wow you've been in the bathroom for like a half-hour.
 Monica: I know!
 Joey: Had the beef-tips, huh?
 [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe is eating cereal from a bowl she has balanced on
 her stomach as Joey, Chandler, and Monica return.]
 Phoebe: Hey!
 Chandler: Hey!
 Joey: Hi!
 (They all hug.)
 Phoebe: (To Joey) You ate meat! (Joey is shocked) (To Chandler and Monica) You
 had sex! (They're shocked.)
 Chandler: No we didn't!
 Phoebe: I know you didn't, I was talking about Monica.
 Monica: Phoebe, I did not have sex.
 Phoebe: This pregnancy is throwing me all off.
 Joey: All right, I'm gonna go say hi the chick and the duck.
 Phoebe: Oh, me too!
 Joey: Why would you need to say hi to them, you've been feeding them for
 four days?
 Phoebe: Oh right, maybe I'll just go home.
 (She grabs her bag and leaves, Joey moves a little quicker to his apartment, leaving
 Monica and Chandler alone.)
 Monica: Well, we certainly are alone.
 Chandler: Yes! Good thing we have that,  Not in New York' rule.
 Monica: Right. Umm, listen since we're-we-re on that subject, umm, I just
 wanted to tell you that uh, well, I-I was going through a really hard time in London, what
 with my brother getting married and that guy thinking I was Ross's mother
 Chandler: Right.
 Monica: Well, an-anyway, I just that night meant a lot to me, I guess
 I'm just trying to say thanks.
 Chandler: Oh. Y'know, that night meant a lot to me too, and it wasn't
 because I was in a bad place or anything, it just meant a lot to me  cause,
 you're really hot! Is that okay?
 Monica: (laughs) That's okay.
 Chandler: And I'm cute too.
 Monica: And you're cute too.
 Chandler: Thank you! (They hug.) All right, I gotta go unpack.
 Monica: Okay.
 Chandler: Bye.
 (After he closes the door, Monica starts to follow him, but thinks better of it and
 stops.)
 Chandler: (entering) I'm still on London time, does that count?
 Monica: That counts!
 Chandler: Oh, good! (They start kissing.)
 [Scene: An airport in London, Ross is waiting for Emily to show up to go on their
 honeymoon and sees Rachel walking past.]
 Ross: Rach! Rach!
 Rachel: (she stops and turns) Hi!
 Ross: Hi! What are you, what are you doing here?
 Rachel: Well, I-I-I've been on Standby for a flight home for hours.
 Ross: Oh.
 Rachel: Ohh, so no sign of Emily huh?
 Ross: Not yet.
 Rachel: So umm, what time are you supposed to leave?
 Gate Agent: (On the P.A.) This is the last call for Flight 1066 to
 Athens. The last call.
 Ross: Pretty soon I guess.
 Rachel: Yeah. I'm sorry.
 Ross: I just, I don't understand, I mean, how-how can she do this?
 Y'know, what, am I, am I like a complete idiot for thinking that she'd actually
 show up?
 Rachel: No, you're not an idiot, Ross. You're a guy very much in love.
 Ross: Same difference.
 Gate Agent: (On the P.A.) All ticketed passengers for Flight 1066 to
 Athens should now be on board.
 Ross: I get it! Well, that's that.
 Rachel: No, you know what, I think you should go.
 Ross: What?
 Rachel: Yeah, I do. I think you should go, by yourself, get some distance, clear
 your head, I think it'd be really good.
 Ross: Oh, I don't, I don't, I don't know
 Rachel: Oh, come on Ross! I think it would be really good for you!
 Ross: I could, yeah, I can do that.


 The One With All The Kissing
 The One With All The Kissing
 Written by: Wil Calhoun
 Transcribed by: Eric Aasen
 [Scene: Chandler and Joey's Bathroom, Chandler and Monica are sharing a candlelight
 bubble bath while drinking champagne and they clink their glasses.]
 Monica: You look cute in bubbles.
 Chandler: Ehh, you're just liquored up.
 (They move into kiss but are interrupted by Joey knocking on the door.)
 Joey: Hey, it's me! I'm comin' in!
 (Monica quickly dives under the water as Joey enters. He looks a little shocked at what
 Chandler's doing.)
 Chandler: I've had a very long, hard day.
 Joey: Ahh, I'm gonna go get some chicken. Want some?
 Chandler: Ahh, no thanks. No chicken, bye-bye then.
 Joey: Okay.
 (Joey turns to leave but stops at the door.)
 Joey: You sure? Some extra crispy? Dirty rice? Beans?
 Chandler: For the last time no! Get out! Get out, Joey!
 Joey: All right!
 (Joey leaves and Monica comes up for air.)
 Chandler: Are you okay? I'm so sorry, he wouldn't leave. He kept asking me about
 chicken.
 Monica: Chicken? I could eat some chicken.
 Chandler: Hey Joe!
 (Monica goes back underwater as Joey re-enters.)
 Chandler: Yeah, can I get a 3-piece, some cole slaw, some beans, and a
 Coke-(Yelps in
 pain as Monica grabs him underwater)-Diet Coke.
 (Joey gives him a thumbs up and heads for the chicken.)
 Opening Credits
 [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are eating breakfast.]
 Phoebe: (entering) Hey!
 Chandler: Hey, Pheebs!
 Joey: Mornin' Pheebs!
 Phoebe: I have to tell you this story. Okay, I was coming over here and this
 driver
 Joey: (interrupting) Was his name Angus? (Monica and Chandler laugh.)
 Phoebe: What?
 Joey: Oh, he was this cab driver we had in London.
 Phoebe: Oh. Ha-ha-ha. All right, anyway
 Monica: Wait, what that place, that pub he took us too?
 Chandler: Uh, The Wheatsheaf.
 Joey: Yeah-yeah-yeah, and they had that beer! That uh
 Monica: Bodington's!
 All: Bodington's! Woohoo! (And they all high-five each other.)
 Chandler: Ooh! Ahh, Pheebs, was gonna tell a story.
 Phoebe: Yeah, so, he had a really funny hat I don't want to talk about it.
 Ross: (entering) Hey!
 All: Hey!
 Joey: Hey, Ross, Bodington's!
 Ross: Yeah! (They high-five.)
 Joey: That was good beer.
 Ross: Ohh
 Joey: Y'know, I'd walk back to London for another frosty one of those bad
 boys.
 Ross: Y'know, I think they have those at that British pub near the trade center.
 Joey: Later! (Exits.)
 Ross: Isn't Rachel supposed to be back by now?
 Monica: Yeah, but her plane got delayed in Athens. But actually, (Checks watch)
 she should be here by now.
 Ross: Oh, so-so you talked to her. Did she, did she sound mad?
 Monica: No, but she likes me. You abandoned her on a plane to Greece.
 Ross: Okay, I did not abandon Rachel! Okay? Emily showed up at the
 airport! I had to go after her! I mean, I-I did what I had to do! She's my wife!
 Rachel is my wife! Y'know Emily! Emily, is my wife! Man, what is that?
 Phoebe: So you still hadn't heard from Emily?
 Ross: No, not since I lost her at the airport.
 Chandler: I can't believe she can out run you man!
 Ross: HEY, SHE'S FAST!! OKAY?!! (Chandler is so shocked at Ross's
 outburst that he drops his spoon and backs up) Oh! You-you think you can be beat
 me? Let's go! Outside!!
 Rachel: (entering) Hi!
 All: Hey! (They all go hug her, except for Ross.)
 Ross: Rach, Rach, I am so sorry. I am so-so sorry.
 Rachel: Oh Ross, come on! You just did what you had to do.
 Ross: That's it? You're not mad? I mean, it must've been terrible.
 Rachel: Terrible? Hell, I was in Greece! That was a nice hotel! Nice beach, met
 the nice people. Not to shabby for Rachel. (Goes and puts her luggage away.)
 Ross: So, what? That's it?
 Rachel: Well, yeah! We're cool. Totally cool.
 Ross: Oh, thanks. Oh, you're the best. (They hug.)
 Rachel: Oh no, you're the best.
 Ross: (breaking the hug) Ohh, I gotta go to the flower store! (Runs to the
 door.) Check it out, no one will tell me where Emily is, so I'm gonna send 72 long-stem,
 red roses to Emily's parent's house, one for each day that I've known and loved her. That
 oughta get her talking to me again.
 Chandler: Oh, Ross, when you make out card; be sure to make it out to, EM-I-LY.
 (Ross bangs his fists together to tell Chandler off, like what was learned last season.
 Read about it here.)
 Monica: Rach, that's great! It's so good that you had a good time in Greece!
 Rachel: What?! I didn't have a good time in Greece! Ross abandoned me! Okay, I
 couldn't get a plane out, so I had to stay in their honeymoon suite with people coming up
 to me all the time going, 'Oh, Mrs. Geller, why are you crying?' I mean, it was
 sooo humiliating. I felt like such an idiot! I mean, it's all my fault! And you know why,
 because I make very bad decisions.


Chandler: Oh that's not true.
 Rachel: Yes it is! It is true! I went, I went after Ross in stupid London.
 Phoebe: London is stupid! Stupid!
 Rachel: Phoebe, you were right. I should've never gone to London, and from now
 on you make all of my decisions for me.
 Phoebe: Oh  No, I did that for someone once and I'm not comfortable having
 that kind of power and control over someone's life.
 Monica: I'll do it!
 Rachel: That's fine. So Monica, you are now in control of my love life.
 Chandler: Okay, I gotta go to work.
 (He gets up and gives Monica a rather passionate kiss as Rachel and Phoebe look on in
 amazement. After the kiss ends, Chandler suddenly realizes what he just did, so he decides
 to do something rather rash.)
 Chandler: And uh, Rachel, glad to have you back.
 (He goes over and gives Rachel the same treatment he gave Monica, only Rachel is
 shocked.)
 Chandler: Pheebs! (He goes over and kisses Phoebe, who is also stunned.) Always
 a pleasure. (And he struts out leaving the girls to stare at each other.)
 [Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Chandler and Joey are there looking at pictures
 from the trip to London.]
 Monica: Oh, Rachel, sweetie, look, here's a really cute picture of Joey and you
 at the reception.
 Rachel: Ohh, he's married! Ross is married. I can't I still can't believe
 it. (Rachel grabs the picture from Monica)
 Monica: Honey, sweetie, by the edges.
 Rachel: I mean, y'know I'm just gonna have to accept it (She grabs the rest of
 the pictures)
 Monica: Ohh. (Monica covers her eyes in horror.)
 Rachel:  I mean it's my fault.
 Monica: Sweetie! Edges! Fingers! Smudgey! Pictures!
 Rachel: Oh my God! (She licks the top picture and hands them back.)
 Monica: Okay. That's okay. I-I know that you're very upset right now. I know, I
 know that wasn't about me.
 Joey: (To Chandler) I bet it was about her a little.
 Monica: If you would stop thinking about Ross for one minute you would notice
 that there are great guys everywhere! I mean, look! Look, Gunther! (Gunther turns to
 listen in.) I mean, he's nice, he's cute.
 Rachel: Yeah, I guess Gunther is kinda
 Monica: (Interrupting) Oh, what about that guy over there? (She points at
 another guy and Gunther is deflated.) Remember? That is the guy you flirted with at
 the counter that time.
 Rachel: Oh, I don't know. I don't know.
 Monica: You're going to talk to him! Y'know what? We made a deal, I make your
 decisions and I say you're going to talk to him.
 Rachel: All right, you're the boss. I guess I gotta do what you tell me.
 Joey: Say that to him and you're golden. (She just glares at him.)
 Phoebe: (entering) Hey!
 Rachel: Hey!
 Joey: Hey, Pheebs!
 Monica: We got out pictures back from London. (Shows her one.) Here's all of us
 at the Tower of London.
 Phoebe: (Grabs the pictures) Oh! Here we all are! Yeah, there's Ross and
 Joey and you and me. (She picks up a magic marker and draws herself in. Monica can't
 watch.)
 Chandler: All right, y'know what, we've been talking about London too much
 haven't we?
 Phoebe: No. I'm sorry. It's just 'cause I couldn't be there. 'Cause all I ever
 get to do now is pregnant stuff, it just bums me out.
 All: Sorry.
 (Rachel returns.)
 Monica: What happened?
 Rachel: Well, y'know, a little of this, a little of that. Got myself a date
 tomorrow night.
 Monica: See, didn't I tell you?! You're getting over Ross already!
 Rachel: Well
 (Gunther goes up to the guy and holds a sign that reads, 'We reserve the right to
 refuse service to anyone.')
 Gunther: (To the guy) Get out!
 [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler enters to find Monica waiting patiently for him.
 He closes the door and they start kissing.]
 Monica: What took you so long?
 Chandler: I got caught up and work, but I'm quitting tomorrow.
 Monica: Oh, good.
 (They start kissing and turn around so that Chandler is facing the door. And Chandler
 sees Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey walk in and quickly ends the kiss with Monica.)
 Chandler: So, thanks for having me over! Rach. (Goes over, grabs her, and kisses
 her.) Pheebs. (After a moment while he decides how to kiss her around her belly, grabs her
 and kisses her.)
 Joey: (Jumping out of his way) See ya!! (To the girls.) What the hell was that?!
 Monica: Probably some y'know, European good-bye thing he picked up in London.
 Rachel: That's not European!
 Phoebe: Well, it felt French.
 (Joey is intrigued.)
 [Scene: The hallway between the apartments, Rachel is returning from her date with
 Dave.]
 Rachel: Oh God, I really had a good time!
 Dave: Yeah, me too. (They reach her door.) So, I guess this is it.
 Rachel: Yeah. Umm, unless you wanna come inside?
 Dave: Yeah!


Rachel: Okay. Oh, uh, wait a minute, y'know what? I uh, I can't decide this.
 Umm, okay, just hold on a second.
 Dave: Okay, yeah!
 (She enters the apartment, leaving Dave in the hallway, to find Ross sitting on the
 couch with a big box.)
 Rachel: Umm, hi!
 Ross: Hi.
 Rachel: Is Monica around? I-I have to ask her something.
 Ross: She's doing her laundry.
 Rachel: What's that? (Points to the box.)
 Ross: It came in the mail today, it's uh, 72 long-stemmed red roses, one for
 each day that I've known and loved Emily, cut up into mulch!
 Rachel: Oh, honey that's awful.
 Ross: Oh, it's not so bad. Monica's gonna make potpourri! I think I'm gonna go
 wander out in the rain for a while.
 Rachel: But, it's not raining.
 Ross: I can't catch a break!
 Rachel: Y'know what Ross? You're not going anywhere. You're gonna sit right
 here. I'm gonna make you a cup of tea and we're gonna talk this thing whole out. All
 right? (She goes out to talk to Dave) Hey, Dave!
 Dave: Yeah?
 Rachel: Umm, listen, I'm gonna need to take a rain check, my roommate is just
 really sick. Okay? Bye! (She goes back in to talk to Ross.) Honey, listen, I know, I know
 things seem so bad right now.
 Monica: (Poking her head in) Rach? Can I talk to for just a minute? I-I dropped
 some socks.
 Rachel: Yeah. (She goes out to join her in the hall and starts looking for the
 dropped socks.)
 Monica: What is the matter with you?! Do you want to fall into the trap? Do you
 want to fall into the trap?!
 Rachel: Ohh! You did not drop any socks!
 Monica: I just ran into Dave and he told me that you blew him off! I mean, you
 listen to me! Now, I'm calling the shots! I say you leave Ross alone and go get Dave! What
 the hell were you trying to do?
 Rachel: Well, ultimately, I was trying y'know, I-I wanted tell him y'know,
 that I'm still in love with him.
 Monica: (Gasps) What?!! You cannot tell him that!!
 Rachel: Why? Why not?! People love to hear that!
 Monica: I make the decisions, and I say no.
 Rachel: Well, y'know what, no, you do not make my decisions because y'know what,
 you're fired.
 Monica: You can't fire me. I make your decisions and I say,
 'I'm not fired!' Ha!
 Rachel: Well  (At a loss for words, she grabs some of Monica's laundry and
 throws it on the floor as a diversion to allow Rachel to run back inside and close the
 door. Monica chases her to find that Rachel had locked the door.)
 Monica: Rachel!! Come on! Let me in!
 Joey: (Poking his head out.) Havin' some trouble?
 Monica: Rachel locked the door.
 Joey: I'll kick that door in if you give me a little sugar.
 Commercial Break
 [Scene: The hallway, continued from earlier. Monica is still locked out.]
 Monica: Rachel! Let me in! Rachel!
 [Cut to inside the apartment, Ross decides to let Monica in and goes over and opens the
 door in mid-pound.]
 Monica: Thank you. Rachel, can I talk to you outside for a sec?
 Rachel: No.
 Monica: I really need to talk to you.
 Rachel: Well, then talk!
 Monica: Okay, I will. Remember that thing that we just discussed that you wanted
 to do?
 Rachel: Yes!
 Ross: What thing?
 Monica: Well, Rachel wants to take swing dance lessons. Which I think is a
 really stupid idea! It's dangerous, she's never gonna get what she wants, and who knows
 who she might (Turns to look at Ross) end up hurting.
 Ross: Monica's right, swing dancing can be tricky. I'm gonna use the phone. I
 gotta cancel those five giant teddy bears I sent to Emily. (Looks at the rose mulch.) My
 God, think of the massacre.
 Rachel: I'm gonna do it.
 Monica: All right, Rachel, I know-I know you think I'm crazy, please, before you
 tell him you love him, just-just try to find one person who thinks this is a good idea.
 Because I bet you, you can't.
 Rachel: But I
 Monica: Please!
 Rachel: All right, fine.
 (There's a loud bang on the door.)
 Monica: Joey, I'm in!
 Joey: (In tremendous pain) All right. Good deal.
 [Scene: Central Perk, Joey, Chandler, Monica, and Rachel are there as Phoebe enters.]
 All: Pheebs! Hey Pheebs!
 Joey: Uh, okay, Pheebs?
 Phoebe: Yeah?
 Joey: Umm, y'know how the other day you were talking about how you didn't get to
 go to London and how you were kinda feeling left out?
 Phoebe: Yeah?
 Joey: All right, well, we felt really bad about that so we decided we should all
 take a little trip together!
 Phoebe: Ohh, that's so nice! How great! Well, where? Where's the trip?!
 Monica: Well, we thought we would all go to a picnic (Phoebe gasps), in Central
 Park!


Phoebe: (excited) Central (not so excited) Park!
 Joey: Yeah, all of us! All day!
 Phoebe: That sucks! That's not a trip! I just came from the park! What are we
 gonna high five about at the stupid Central Park? 'Well, it's right by my house, all
 right!'
 Chandler: Well, I'm gonna go home and bask in the triumph of my Central Park
 idea. (Gets up to leave.)
 Rachel: (stopping him) Hey-whoa-whoa-whoa!! Ho-ho-hold on a sec there, Mr.
 Kissey! Y'know, I've been meaning to talk to you about this whole, little, new European
 thing you got going on, and I just need to tell you that it makes me very uncomfortable
 and I just y'know stop it!
 Chandler: I was just trying to bring a little culture to the group.
 Phoebe: That's fine, just don't bring it in my mouth.
 Monica: Makes me wanna puke! (Chandler looks at her, quizzically.)
 [Scene: Central Perk, Rachel, Monica, Chandler, and Joey are there as Ross enters with
 Phoebe.]
 Ross: Hey everybody, Pheebs is here!
 Joey: Phoebe!
 Chandler: Hey, Pheebs!
 Rachel: Phoebe, woo!
 Phoebe: Okay, woo! Hi.
 Chandler: Okay, Pheebs, we decided the picnic idea was a little  Y'know, it
 didn't have any  It-it, well it blew. So, we thought, that this afternoon that we
 would all go away for the whole weekend to, Atlantic City!
 Phoebe: Ooh, Atlantic City! Oh, that's a great plan! Who's plan was that?
 Joey: Mine!
 Ross: Wait! It was my plan.
 Joey: Nooo, I said we needed a new plan.
 Ross: And, I came up with Atlantic City.
 Joey: Which, is the new plan!
 Monica: Okay, well, why don't we all meet upstairs in an hour?
 Phoebe: Okay! Ooh-ahh, I'm gonna go pack. I'm gonna go pack my ass off!
 (They all go pack except for Ross.)
 Monica: Come on Rach, let's go.
 Rachel: Yeah, y'know what? I'm-I'm gonna meet you upstairs in a minute.
 Monica: No! Rachel, you didn't find anyone so you can't tell him.
 Rachel: Well, y'know what, that doesn't matter.
 Monica: Okay, Rachel, do you have any idea how painful it is to tell someone
 that you love them and not have them say it back?
 Rachel: Yeah, I-I don't care.
 Monica: Okay. I-I can't watch. (Leaves as sits down to read the paper.)
 Rachel: What 'cha readin'?
 Ross: The paper.
 Rachel: Yeah, what's it about?
 Ross: Events from around the globe.
 Rachel: Okay. Uhh, Ross, y'know what, there's something that I-that I have to
 talk to you about and everybody's saying that I shouldn't tell you, but I think they're
 wrong. I mean, and you know how people can be wrong.
 Ross: Sure. Once, at work I-I thought carbon dating was fossilized
 Rachel: Okay, Ross, I'm really trying to tell you something here.
 Ross: Yeah.
 Rachel: Okay.
 Ross: Go ahead.
 Rachel: Umm, okay, I think I'm-I'm just gonna-just gonna say it. Just gonna say
 it. Uhh, (pause) I'm still in love with you Ross.
 (Ross is stunned.)
 Ross: Wow. Umm  Huh  I'm-I'm not sure what to do with that right now.
 (Rachel starts laughing hysterically.)
 Ross: What? What? Was that a joke? 'Cause it's mean.
 Rachel: (Laughing) I'm so dead serious. I'm totally serious.
 Ross: Why are you laughing?
 Rachel: Because (laughs), because, I just heard it. I heard it, and it's
 ridiculous! I mean, you're married. You're-you're married and it's just ridiculous, and
 it's like, it's like when said it, I sort of like, I floated up out of my body, y'know?
 And, and-and then I heard myself say it and then the floating Rachel (laughs) was like,
 'You are such an idiot!'
 Ross: Well, well I am married. Even though I haven't spoken to my wife
 since the wedding.
 Rachel: (laughs) I'm sorry, that's not funny.
 Ross: Actually, it kinda is. My wife won't return my calls. I don't know where
 my wife is. (Laughs) 'Hey Ross, where's the Mrs.?' Don't know!
 Rachel: Oh God, ohh, okay, y'know what, do you think ah, do you think that you
 just forget that I told you this?
 Ross: Well, I kinda half to. I mean, because the thing is
 Rachel: The thing is y'know, that you're married to Emily.
 Ross: That is what the thing is.
 Rachel: Ross, things aren't gonna be weird between us, right? I mean was that
 just the stupidest thing, me telling you that?
 Ross: No. No. No, I'm-I'm glad you did. Look, if nothing else, it's-it's always
 great when someone tells you they love you.
 Rachel: That's what I said! Thank you for being so nice. (They hug.)
 Ross: No thank you for  Thank you.
 [Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the gang is about ready to leave for Atlantic City.]
 Ross: Okay, let's go!
 Chandler: Atlantic City!
 Phoebe: Atlantic City, baby! Let's roll some bones! Hey Joey, high-five for
 rolling bones!
 (They high-five and howl, but Phoebe suddenly stops and the guys gasp and retreat in
 shock.)