transcript/TED_L9UIF852Boo.txt

[0.000 --> 11.320]  I want to see something cool.
[11.320 --> 13.600]  Yeah.
[13.600 --> 21.960]  In my right hand, I am holding a tiny little paper ketchup cup.
[21.960 --> 28.960]  This tiny little paper ketchup cup, what most people don't know is that less than 1% of
[28.960 --> 32.200]  these ketchup cups ever reach their full potential.
[32.200 --> 37.280]  And that is a made up statistic to get your attention.
[37.280 --> 41.520]  In all seriousness, these little tiny paper ketchup cups, when you go to get them, how
[41.520 --> 44.080]  many do you have to fill up with ketchup?
[44.080 --> 46.160]  So like one or two, how many?
[46.160 --> 49.360]  This is a participation part of the program.
[49.360 --> 51.880]  Three, five, a tray full.
[51.880 --> 57.040]  What most people don't know is that there's little folds in this paper-catch-up cup that
[57.040 --> 62.320]  if you pop it open, can turn to three times its size.
[62.320 --> 68.960]  Where in your life do you have untapped potential that's hiding in plain sight?
[68.960 --> 70.760]  Maybe it's not hiding at all.
[70.760 --> 73.200]  Maybe you know your own potential.
[73.200 --> 77.680]  It's just you didn't do anything about it because you don't want to challenge the status
[77.680 --> 78.680]  quo.
[78.680 --> 83.520]  Or maybe because you just want to be like everybody else.
[83.520 --> 88.080]  Because you thought you were doing the right thing at that time and you didn't speak
[88.080 --> 89.080]  up.
[89.080 --> 93.000]  Now your car payment is more expensive than you thought it was going to be because you
[93.000 --> 96.480]  didn't try to pull at the folds that are right in front of you.
[96.480 --> 99.560]  Or maybe because you just didn't know what to say.
[99.560 --> 102.960]  You ever have one of those moments where you're like, I feel like I could have gotten
[102.960 --> 105.280]  what I wanted it if I just knew what to say.
[105.280 --> 106.840]  You ever had those moments?
[106.840 --> 109.480]  We're going to flip that script today.
[109.480 --> 112.160]  There are three words to getting what you want.
[112.160 --> 117.000]  I teach these words to people around the world and I'm going to share them with you today
[117.000 --> 120.000]  so you can start getting what you want.
[120.000 --> 124.360]  Those three words are decided, those LY words.
[124.360 --> 130.240]  You know the LY words typically, usually, normally, ordinarily, so the LY words.
[130.240 --> 135.480]  And the last one is the most powerful, lead persuasive word, which is the word because.
[135.480 --> 139.240]  And we're going to explore these three words and help us remember them.
[139.240 --> 142.080]  I've created a little cheeky expression for us.
[142.080 --> 151.280]  It's decidedly because changes what was, decidedly because changes what was.
[151.280 --> 156.560]  These three words decided the LY words and because can change everything for us.
[156.560 --> 161.120]  If we know when to listen for them and what to do once we hear them.
[161.120 --> 165.280]  Now I want to share with you a couple stories and we're going to have interactive exercises.
[165.280 --> 167.000]  We're going to do our own little studies here.
[167.000 --> 171.080]  We're going to see how do these words show up in our lives and how come we're missing
[171.080 --> 172.080]  them.
[172.080 --> 175.840]  These paper folded cups in our lives and we're not hearing them.
[175.840 --> 181.200]  What's happening to us and what do we do in those moments?
[181.200 --> 183.120]  I'm the oldest of three children.
[183.120 --> 184.800]  I have two younger sisters.
[184.800 --> 186.840]  My husband is the oldest of three children.
[186.840 --> 189.080]  He is a younger brother and a younger sister.
[189.080 --> 193.400]  When my husband and I got married, we all thought both of us and our families that we would
[193.400 --> 195.800]  end up with three kids.
[195.800 --> 197.560]  That was our dream right out of the gate, right?
[197.560 --> 199.240]  So we come from family of three.
[199.240 --> 200.800]  We're going to have three.
[200.840 --> 206.480]  Before we gave birth to Angus, we realized how wrong our dream was.
[206.480 --> 208.000]  It wasn't going to happen.
[208.000 --> 214.400]  We struggled with infertility for seven years and I'm not alone.
[214.400 --> 219.400]  Statistics show, according to CDC, it's about eight million women are struggling with fertility
[219.400 --> 221.280]  and carrying the baby.
[221.280 --> 223.440]  For me, I had three miscarriages.
[223.440 --> 227.240]  One of the miscarriages happened in a room similar to this on a stage, speaking in front
[227.240 --> 232.920]  of 1,482 people, while on the stage.
[232.920 --> 236.240]  And I remember, I guess we're not going to keep birth to more kids.
[236.240 --> 239.360]  I remember thinking that dream is over.
[239.360 --> 242.400]  And then I discovered something called an egg donor.
[242.400 --> 244.160]  I never heard of such a thing.
[244.160 --> 249.680]  And what it is, it's an anonymous egg donor, a woman who donates her eggs and we can get
[249.680 --> 254.200]  them and match them up with my husband's DNA and then I carried the babies.
[254.200 --> 255.200]  Could this be?
[255.200 --> 256.200]  Could this work for us?
[256.200 --> 258.600]  Is this the path that we're going to take?
[258.600 --> 259.600]  We weren't sure.
[259.600 --> 260.600]  We're all excited.
[260.600 --> 261.600]  We got the money together.
[261.600 --> 263.080]  It's pretty expensive.
[263.080 --> 268.320]  We had to borrow some money from my parents and we go into the nurse and we see the fertility
[268.320 --> 270.720]  nurse and we say, okay, here's our plan.
[270.720 --> 275.280]  And how you've been with us, you would have heard her say, the doctor decided based on
[275.280 --> 278.600]  us using an egg donor, this would be the protocol.
[278.600 --> 282.080]  And she showed up with this Mach Daddy giant needle.
[282.080 --> 286.880]  This looks like something you'd use in the Olympics to do a pole vault or something.
[286.880 --> 287.880]  It was like this.
[287.880 --> 291.760]  I mean, literally, I had already done in vitro with little teeny like diabetic sized needles
[291.760 --> 294.200]  but this monster, you're going to be kidding me.
[294.200 --> 298.920]  And I saw, have you ever had an experience where you did one of these facial expressions
[298.920 --> 302.920]  you went like this?
[302.920 --> 305.680]  You know, you just hold your breath and your cheeks puff out.
[305.680 --> 306.680]  That's what happened here.
[306.680 --> 307.680]  And I looked at her and had you been with me.
[307.680 --> 311.960]  You would have heard me say, what's up with that?
[311.960 --> 313.960]  What's up with that needle right there?
[313.960 --> 317.760]  She's, oh, you're going to need to take this twice a day for the month before getting
[317.760 --> 322.280]  pregnant and every day during your first trimester.
[322.280 --> 324.480]  I burst out crying.
[324.480 --> 328.280]  I knew immediately our dream once again was squished.
[328.280 --> 330.720]  We will not be carrying more kids.
[330.720 --> 333.560]  And the reason I knew that had nothing to do with the needle or the fact that I needed
[333.560 --> 340.160]  to take two of them at 160 days of my life, but I had to take them at exact times during
[340.160 --> 341.160]  the day.
[341.240 --> 342.840]  Now let me back up.
[342.840 --> 345.040]  I'm retired from federal law enforcement.
[345.040 --> 349.040]  I worked for the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms for 17 years.
[349.040 --> 353.320]  My dad said I turn my hobbies into a career, drinking, smoking, and shooting.
[353.320 --> 356.360]  I don't do any of those things anymore.
[356.360 --> 360.400]  And I worked for ATF for 17 years.
[360.400 --> 365.400]  My specialty was firearms trafficking, analytic interviewing, and I later did creative courses
[365.400 --> 367.160]  on leadership.
[367.160 --> 368.320]  And I wrote a couple books.
[368.320 --> 371.040]  They did really well, translated into different languages.
[371.040 --> 376.480]  And I'm telling you this because this means as a consultant today, I go out and consult
[376.480 --> 382.240]  with companies on how to find the untapped potential hidden in the folds of their employees.
[382.240 --> 385.840]  How can you find that untapped potential that's right there in front of us?
[385.840 --> 389.000]  I fly over 100 trips a year.
[389.000 --> 391.200]  That's over 250 flights.
[391.200 --> 396.280]  All I could imagine is this like Mac Daddy needle, like I'm in line in England going through
[396.280 --> 397.280]  security.
[397.280 --> 398.280]  Oh, it's 235.
[398.280 --> 403.480]  Let me pull my pants down and put a giant needle in my butt or in my thigh.
[403.480 --> 410.040]  I was devastated until I took a second and I rewound what she said to me.
[410.040 --> 413.360]  What she said to me was the doctor decided.
[413.360 --> 417.040]  Decided does not mean executed on.
[417.040 --> 419.760]  Decided means there's another way.
[419.760 --> 422.360]  Decided is our first of our three words.
[422.360 --> 425.880]  Decidedly because changes what was.
[425.880 --> 428.600]  Decided is our first word.
[428.600 --> 431.120]  Decidedly because changes what was.
[431.120 --> 437.760]  She said we decided she just gave me a little paper ketchup cup.
[437.760 --> 440.080]  Let's do an experiment.
[440.080 --> 445.480]  We're all going grocery shopping together and we get 12 items at the grocery store and
[445.480 --> 447.440]  we put them on the conveyor belt.
[447.440 --> 449.320]  But I decide to put one thing back.
[449.320 --> 453.120]  The very expensive facial lotion is just ridiculously overpriced.
[453.120 --> 455.120]  So we have 12 things I decided to put one back.
[455.120 --> 457.840]  How many do we buy?
[457.840 --> 462.120]  Many of you will think in your heads 11 and I hear some people shouting out 11.
[462.120 --> 463.880]  You're like, well, Jeanine, you said there were 12.
[463.880 --> 464.880]  You put one back.
[464.880 --> 466.720]  So 12 minus one is 11.
[466.720 --> 468.040]  I didn't say I put one back though.
[468.040 --> 471.200]  I said I decided to put one back.
[471.200 --> 474.600]  When someone says the word decided, it does not mean it's executed on.
[474.600 --> 478.440]  I could say I decided to put it back and then change my mind and decided to buy it again
[478.440 --> 480.000]  last minute.
[480.000 --> 482.600]  Now maybe you're like my husband and you're like, all right.
[482.600 --> 483.600]  This is ridiculous.
[483.600 --> 486.200]  You're like playing with semantics here in the words.
[486.200 --> 489.320]  If you decide to do something, Jeanine, it means you do it.
[489.320 --> 491.760]  If you decided not to buy it, then you wouldn't buy it.
[491.760 --> 493.600]  So let's do another experiment.
[493.600 --> 494.920]  Here we go.
[494.920 --> 496.840]  How many of you want you to raise your hands?
[496.840 --> 501.480]  How many of you have ever made a New Year's resolution to do anything?
[501.480 --> 504.360]  Like you made a New Year's resolution, you decided to quit smoking.
[504.360 --> 505.520]  You decided to lose weight.
[505.520 --> 506.800]  You decided to become a vegan.
[506.800 --> 509.520]  You decided to ask, this was the year you're asking for a raise.
[509.520 --> 510.800]  You decided to have more kids.
[510.800 --> 511.800]  You decided to get married.
[511.880 --> 513.000]  You decided to come out of the club.
[513.000 --> 517.080]  Whatever it is, how many of you have ever made a New Year's resolution ever in your life?
[517.080 --> 518.080]  Raise your hand.
[518.080 --> 519.080]  Keep your hands up.
[519.080 --> 523.960]  Now, I want you to put your hand down if you did not execute on that decision in the
[523.960 --> 527.960]  time you expected to execute on it.
[527.960 --> 528.960]  What happened?
[528.960 --> 532.640]  I thought you decided on doing it.
[532.640 --> 534.040]  Life happened.
[534.040 --> 535.520]  That's what happened, right?
[535.520 --> 536.520]  You decided to do it.
[536.520 --> 541.760]  It sounded good in the moment when everyone else was deciding stuff and then life happened.
[541.760 --> 545.400]  Decided does not mean we've executed on it.
[545.400 --> 549.480]  There was a study done at Scranton University and what they discovered is that anyone who
[549.480 --> 555.280]  decides to do something on as a New Year's resolution, only 8% of us actually meet that
[555.280 --> 560.400]  decision that we made, only 8% of us.
[560.400 --> 562.320]  Let's go back to the grocery store.
[562.320 --> 564.880]  Where does this word decided live?
[564.880 --> 570.080]  What I found out is working with corporations across the globe is they would always ask me
[570.080 --> 574.400]  way beyond how do I find an untapped into this hidden potential.
[574.400 --> 577.000]  They would ask me about motivations.
[577.000 --> 583.520]  They would say things like, well, how is my client or my patients or my employees?
[583.520 --> 588.040]  How are they motivated to spend their time and energy with decision making?
[588.040 --> 591.160]  And decision making kept being brought up a lot in motivation.
[591.160 --> 593.640]  So I did what anyone would do in this situation.
[593.640 --> 596.640]  I googled to see if I could find out the answer.
[596.640 --> 600.880]  And I found a program at Columbia College in Chicago.
[600.880 --> 606.280]  And it was a decision making program that linked body movement to how we make decisions.
[606.280 --> 611.920]  And I took this year long certification program and now I'm what's called a decision profiler.
[611.920 --> 617.480]  And when I learned is while we drastically make decisions differently, what we all have
[617.480 --> 622.600]  in common is we all go through the same three stages of decision making.
[622.600 --> 623.920]  So let's go back to the grocery store.
[623.920 --> 626.040]  I'm going to show you these three stages of decision making.
[626.040 --> 627.520]  All of us go through this.
[627.520 --> 629.880]  So the first stage is research.
[629.880 --> 635.920]  This is when you're in the grocery store, you're looking around and you're trying to just
[635.920 --> 637.480]  get the lay of the land.
[637.480 --> 642.160]  So you're either investigating, you're looking at the labels or you're exploring and you're
[642.160 --> 645.480]  seeing what's down here versus what's down here.
[645.480 --> 649.440]  This stage of decision making is called research, that yellow box.
[649.440 --> 653.040]  And the orange box, this is where we do reasoning.
[653.440 --> 654.800]  I'm going to take the wheat bread.
[654.800 --> 657.400]  No, I'm going to take the, I'm going to get the Italian bread.
[657.400 --> 659.480]  Oh, no, no, let's get the organic milk.
[659.480 --> 660.400]  Well, let's not get milk.
[660.400 --> 663.640]  Let's get almond milk instead.
[663.640 --> 665.040]  This is where you reason.
[665.040 --> 666.800]  This is where we stand our ground.
[666.800 --> 670.080]  This is where determining lives and evaluating lives here.
[670.080 --> 671.000]  What's important to me?
[671.000 --> 672.680]  What am I willing to take a stand before?
[672.680 --> 674.000]  What are my priorities?
[674.000 --> 677.680]  The why lives in this orange box are reasoning.
[677.680 --> 680.240]  The last step is the result, the blue box.
[680.240 --> 683.680]  This is where you buy the groceries and you literally are walking out of the grocery
[683.680 --> 684.680]  store.
[684.680 --> 687.320]  It is the result the decision has been made.
[687.320 --> 689.880]  Well the yellow box and the blue box are interesting.
[689.880 --> 694.200]  What we're going to be talking about today is that orange box reasoning.
[694.200 --> 696.280]  All three of our words live in reasoning.
[696.280 --> 698.160]  They're roommates with one another.
[698.160 --> 702.720]  Decidedly because changes what was.
[702.720 --> 706.040]  I decided that I would never use drugs.
[706.040 --> 711.560]  If you're an HR person or you're a recruiter and you ask a potential employee, have you ever
[711.560 --> 712.560]  done drugs?
[712.560 --> 714.880]  And they say, I decided in high school I'd never do drugs.
[714.880 --> 718.600]  Please don't write down stated they never did drugs.
[718.600 --> 723.120]  Just because someone decided to do it doesn't mean he wasn't snort and cocaine in the car
[723.120 --> 727.520]  to get a little boost of energy for the big interview.
[727.520 --> 730.800]  What about if he asked your boss for a raise and your boss says, hey listen, after we looked
[730.800 --> 736.000]  at our budget, we decided we're just not going to be able to give you a raise this
[736.000 --> 737.000]  year.
[737.000 --> 738.000]  You know what that is?
[738.000 --> 739.880]  That's a paper catch up cup right there.
[739.880 --> 744.240]  Your boss just told you if you fight for it, you can get it.
[744.240 --> 747.600]  The last thing you want to do is find out that everybody else that has your same position
[747.600 --> 750.520]  did fight for it and they got it and you didn't.
[750.520 --> 752.240]  Here's my rule of thumb.
[752.240 --> 756.240]  Before whether it's decided or whether it's these LY words we're going to go into a second,
[756.240 --> 757.240]  I say this.
[757.240 --> 761.280]  I believe that God created earth and how many days?
[761.280 --> 762.280]  Seven days, right?
[762.280 --> 764.280]  So God creates earth, right?
[764.280 --> 767.880]  And I think at the end of him creating earth, he does one of these.
[767.880 --> 768.880]  Not bad.
[768.880 --> 770.080]  Not bad.
[770.080 --> 775.600]  So for me, what I say is at the end of seven days for me on that seventh day as it's ending,
[775.600 --> 778.720]  I say to myself, am I going to clap my hands and say not bad?
[778.720 --> 782.600]  Or am I going to say I wish I had opened up that opportunity?
[782.600 --> 786.920]  I wish I had pushed the boundaries just a little bit more.
[786.920 --> 789.120]  Just a little bit more.
[789.120 --> 791.240]  Decided, Lee because changes what was.
[791.240 --> 793.200]  Let's look at the LY words now.
[793.200 --> 794.520]  Let's look at the LY words.
[794.520 --> 797.400]  Back at the grocery store, here we have two chunks of meat.
[797.400 --> 799.160]  Picture A and picture B.
[799.160 --> 804.520]  Picture A says 100% natural grass-fed and grass-finished organic meat.
[804.520 --> 810.520]  Picture B says typically 100% natural grass-fed and organic meat.
[810.520 --> 812.520]  Which meat do you buy if you buy meat?
[812.520 --> 813.520]  Right?
[813.520 --> 814.520]  How many people buy A?
[814.520 --> 815.520]  Let me see your hands.
[815.520 --> 819.040]  100 people would buy B. B would be weird, right?
[819.040 --> 820.240]  Did you see this in a store?
[820.240 --> 826.360]  Maybe you're like my friend to Paul from Seattle who said, dude, give a different example.
[826.360 --> 830.040]  You would never see typically organic meat on a label.
[830.040 --> 831.040]  It's illegal.
[831.040 --> 832.040]  You need a different example.
[832.040 --> 834.120]  I go, Paul, that's my point, buddy.
[834.120 --> 838.360]  My point is if you saw this in a grocery store, you would think this is ridiculous, right?
[838.360 --> 842.360]  You'd be like, well, it's either organic or it's not.
[842.360 --> 846.680]  But yet when we hear things like this, how can we don't stop and say, wait a minute,
[846.680 --> 847.680]  that's ridiculous.
[848.040 --> 850.880]  Typically, we don't hire people from the outside.
[850.880 --> 853.720]  Normally, we don't negotiate salary to that extent.
[855.240 --> 860.160]  Usually promotions don't happen until your 18th month into the row.
[861.120 --> 864.160]  So we hear all these LY words and we're like, oh, okay.
[864.160 --> 865.880]  I can't apply for a promotion right now.
[865.880 --> 866.880]  Oh, okay.
[866.880 --> 869.200]  I can't ask for a raise or a parking spot.
[869.200 --> 872.320]  If you see here these LY words, that's a paper cup.
[872.320 --> 875.600]  All you need to do is pull it the boundaries a little bit to get what you want.
[875.680 --> 881.800]  I want you to imagine the word decided in these LY words, normally, usually, typically, basically.
[881.800 --> 884.480]  I want you to imagine them like this.
[884.480 --> 890.280]  Have you ever had a visitor unexpected come and tell your house, they're fun, right?
[890.280 --> 893.600]  Your living room is a disaster, your dorm room is a mess,
[893.600 --> 896.640]  and you have a surprise visitor that just shows up.
[896.640 --> 899.880]  And you take all the crap in your living room and you throw it in that closet
[899.880 --> 902.760]  and your front hall as fast as you possibly can.
[902.800 --> 906.560]  And the door begins to open and you shut your closet door,
[906.560 --> 914.560]  but it only 98% closes because there's a golf umbrella sticking out or a shirt or a sneaker.
[914.560 --> 918.920]  So it's 2% open right now in your dormitories or at your house.
[918.920 --> 922.480]  You have a closet, you're someone in your house that leaves it like this all the time.
[922.480 --> 925.920]  It's 98% closed, 2% open, there's always something sticking out.
[925.920 --> 928.520]  That's what these LY words and decided are.
[928.520 --> 932.720]  They're just little teeny folds like in the paper catch up cup here.
[932.720 --> 934.560]  It's not going to be easy to open it up.
[934.560 --> 936.520]  You have a 2% chance of opening it up.
[936.520 --> 940.160]  But for me, my rule is at the end of seven days am I going to clap my hands and say,
[940.160 --> 942.120]  I did a good job today.
[942.120 --> 945.840]  My next question I ask myself before I push that closet door open is,
[945.840 --> 951.080]  if I don't fight for what I want right now, is this going to affect someone else in my life?
[951.080 --> 953.800]  So if I'm asking for a raise, is that going to affect my husband?
[953.800 --> 957.720]  If I'm asking for more money for my employees or more benefits,
[957.720 --> 959.080]  is that going to affect my team?
[959.080 --> 960.200]  Is that going to affect morale?
[960.200 --> 964.280]  If it's going to affect someone other than me, then I'm more apt to try to pull
[964.280 --> 968.720]  at those boundaries and push that closet door open to get what I want.
[968.720 --> 970.040]  This is a guy named Bradley.
[970.040 --> 971.920]  Brad owns a company in Las Vegas.
[971.920 --> 973.120]  He does virtual training.
[973.120 --> 974.320]  It's called light speed.
[974.320 --> 977.200]  He has an online video blog.
[977.200 --> 985.040]  And I asked him, can I play this clip from your blog to show the audience here at Harding University?
[985.040 --> 985.920]  And he said, yes.
[985.920 --> 988.440]  So I want to thank Brad for allowing me to play this.
[988.440 --> 990.560]  This is a real life negotiation.
[990.560 --> 992.120]  This is legit, guys.
[992.120 --> 995.680]  So you're going to see Brad, who's the owner slash salesperson,
[995.680 --> 1000.000]  and you're going to hear from a woman who's a potential client and customer of Brad's.
[1000.000 --> 1002.080]  And she's going to say, hey, how does this work?
[1002.080 --> 1006.200]  Do I have to buy the system and then you give me ideas or can you give me ideas?
[1006.200 --> 1007.640]  And then I buy the system.
[1007.640 --> 1010.080]  Tell me what you hear.
[1010.080 --> 1014.400]  So will we go over how we're going to set this up before I sign?
[1014.400 --> 1017.240]  Or no, you have to sign first and then go over it.
[1017.240 --> 1023.000]  To get a group of people in here to start work, usually you have to sign.
[1023.000 --> 1024.880]  What did he say?
[1024.880 --> 1026.240]  That's that paper cup.
[1026.240 --> 1030.520]  I want you to imagine, anytime you hear these L.Y. words, wait a minute, that's weird.
[1030.520 --> 1034.000]  I want you to look at the person right next to you or behind you, and here's our experiment.
[1034.000 --> 1036.080]  I want you to say how many kids you have.
[1036.080 --> 1038.760]  If you don't have any kids, I want you to say you don't have any kids.
[1038.760 --> 1041.120]  But I want you to put an L.Y. word in front of it.
[1041.120 --> 1042.960]  So I want you to, it's going to sound like this.
[1042.960 --> 1045.200]  I typically have three children.
[1045.200 --> 1047.360]  I normally have no children.
[1047.360 --> 1061.040]  So go ahead, say to the person next to you with an L.Y. word.
[1061.040 --> 1062.840]  Does that not leave you confused?
[1062.840 --> 1065.640]  Hey, normally I'm the mother of three.
[1065.640 --> 1066.640]  What?
[1066.640 --> 1068.400]  Like your next thing is what?
[1068.400 --> 1070.960]  To ask a question, are you a blended family?
[1070.960 --> 1071.960]  Are you divorced?
[1071.960 --> 1072.960]  Did you lose a child?
[1072.960 --> 1074.400]  Are you thinking of adopting?
[1074.400 --> 1075.960]  It creates that uncertainty.
[1075.960 --> 1081.640]  When you hear L.Y. or decided, I want that alarm to go off as if someone is saying normally
[1081.640 --> 1083.320]  I don't have children.
[1083.320 --> 1088.000]  I want that alarm to go off to say there's more to the story here.
[1088.000 --> 1091.120]  Decidedly because changes what was.
[1091.120 --> 1092.440]  Let's get to because.
[1092.440 --> 1097.080]  See these first two words decided in the L.Y. words are what I call wiggle words.
[1097.080 --> 1099.920]  They are the paper cup right here.
[1099.920 --> 1104.040]  Decided is the effort it takes to get the paper cup to open up.
[1104.040 --> 1109.760]  So this word because, I mean not decided, the word because is the little tool that opens
[1109.760 --> 1115.120]  up the catch up cup because it's the most influential word in the English language.
[1115.120 --> 1116.480]  Here's how it works.
[1116.480 --> 1123.520]  When we use the word because it ends up in this stage of reasoning because is the roommate
[1123.520 --> 1126.120]  to decided in the L.Y. words.
[1126.120 --> 1127.120]  They're all best friends.
[1127.120 --> 1128.280]  They're besties.
[1128.280 --> 1130.640]  You have a because friend in your life.
[1130.640 --> 1133.600]  How many of you have a friend or someone in your life that can get you to do something
[1133.600 --> 1134.600]  you don't want to do?
[1134.600 --> 1135.600]  Right?
[1135.600 --> 1136.960]  You know who I'm talking about.
[1136.960 --> 1139.560]  You have someone in your life that can get you to do something you don't want.
[1139.560 --> 1142.400]  I see some of you pointing to the person next to you.
[1142.400 --> 1145.960]  Three nights ago was my 30th high school reunion.
[1145.960 --> 1147.480]  And I know about this for six months.
[1147.480 --> 1149.160]  The invitation was online.
[1149.160 --> 1152.600]  My friend, Kerry Chasen, she's my because friend.
[1152.600 --> 1154.160]  She's like, dude, you come into the high school reunion.
[1154.160 --> 1155.480]  You know, I'm like, no, no, I'm not coming.
[1155.480 --> 1156.680]  I didn't even like high school.
[1156.680 --> 1157.680]  It's not happening.
[1157.680 --> 1158.680]  So, right?
[1158.680 --> 1159.680]  She's relentless.
[1159.680 --> 1164.880]  She sees that closet door, 98% clothes, 2% open, and she's constantly relentless.
[1164.880 --> 1167.560]  She wants to open up that ketchup cup.
[1167.560 --> 1168.560]  Constantly.
[1168.560 --> 1169.560]  So, guess what?
[1169.560 --> 1170.560]  Email.
[1170.560 --> 1171.560]  Facebook.
[1171.560 --> 1172.560]  Private message.
[1172.560 --> 1173.560]  Two weeks ago, I get a handwritten card.
[1173.560 --> 1174.560]  I'm from Boston, originally.
[1174.560 --> 1176.040]  I live in the DC area now.
[1176.040 --> 1179.320]  I don't even know how she got my home address.
[1179.320 --> 1181.840]  She sent me a handwritten card.
[1181.840 --> 1184.760]  And it's like, dear Janine, these are all the things I admire at you.
[1184.760 --> 1186.160]  I admire about you.
[1186.160 --> 1190.440]  This is why I want you to come to the high school reunion because, and list a bunch of
[1190.440 --> 1191.720]  stuff.
[1191.720 --> 1192.720]  She called me up.
[1192.720 --> 1193.720]  Did you get my card?
[1193.720 --> 1194.720]  I'm like, yes, she's your coming.
[1194.720 --> 1195.720]  I go, no, still not coming.
[1195.720 --> 1196.720]  Guess what happened?
[1196.720 --> 1201.080]  Two days before the reunion, it's lightened up my phone like a Christmas tree, right?
[1201.080 --> 1203.880]  I'm getting text messages, private messages on Facebook.
[1203.880 --> 1205.960]  Non-stop from Kerry Chasen.
[1205.960 --> 1207.920]  She goes, you know, we only live once.
[1207.920 --> 1209.920]  Your mom died of breast cancer at 66.
[1209.920 --> 1210.920]  And you know, this is our 30th.
[1210.920 --> 1214.560]  You're not going to be back until you're 40th next.
[1214.560 --> 1216.120]  We only need you for, you know, just this one.
[1216.120 --> 1219.240]  It's 10 more years, you know?
[1219.240 --> 1220.440]  Your mother loved party.
[1220.440 --> 1222.120]  She's like gilting me.
[1222.120 --> 1225.040]  And you know, when I did, I bought a $600 ticket when I could have bought it six months
[1225.040 --> 1226.040]  earlier for 200 bucks.
[1226.040 --> 1227.960]  And I went to my high school reunion.
[1227.960 --> 1230.000]  And I had a ball.
[1230.000 --> 1235.120]  Because of the Kerry Chasens in our life, these are those people that push the door open.
[1235.120 --> 1237.560]  They see that opportunity and they were lentless.
[1237.560 --> 1238.560]  You have kids like this.
[1238.560 --> 1239.560]  You have several kids.
[1239.560 --> 1241.520]  You know, the kid, hey, can we go get ice cream now?
[1241.520 --> 1242.520]  It's freezing outside.
[1242.520 --> 1243.520]  You don't need ice cream.
[1243.520 --> 1244.520]  It's, it's March.
[1244.520 --> 1245.520]  It's ridiculous.
[1245.520 --> 1246.520]  Can we go get ice cream now?
[1246.520 --> 1247.840]  No, it's absolutely insane.
[1247.840 --> 1249.920]  It's ice cold outside, snow on the ground.
[1249.920 --> 1251.800]  Then that one kid, you know, which one comes to you.
[1251.800 --> 1252.800]  Can we go get ice cream?
[1252.800 --> 1254.560]  Like, fine, let's go.
[1254.560 --> 1256.800]  Everybody thinks, saw the other kids think that's the favorite.
[1256.800 --> 1258.120]  That's not the favorite.
[1258.120 --> 1259.640]  That's the irritating one.
[1259.640 --> 1265.760]  That's the irritating one that's going to ask non-stop until they get their way, until
[1265.760 --> 1267.520]  they open up that ketchup cup, right?
[1267.520 --> 1268.520]  You know what I'm talking about?
[1268.520 --> 1270.520]  That's the word decided.
[1270.520 --> 1272.720]  That's the word decided.
[1272.720 --> 1277.440]  It's the word decided because all end up in reasoning.
[1277.440 --> 1280.680]  Decidedly because changes what was.
[1280.680 --> 1282.480]  I have what's called the Because Challenge.
[1282.480 --> 1286.840]  I have my clients, anytime you hear, decided or the L.Y. words to use it because.
[1286.840 --> 1288.240]  I got an email from one of my clients.
[1288.240 --> 1289.760]  It said, Janine, here's what happened.
[1289.760 --> 1291.840]  They're an HR processing company.
[1291.840 --> 1295.720]  The client had to choose their health insurance plans.
[1295.720 --> 1300.240]  So they called and said, hey, okay, for your insurance plan, what would you like?
[1300.240 --> 1302.680]  He said, oh, we decided we're going to wait till next month to pay.
[1302.720 --> 1304.480]  We're going to take our plans.
[1304.480 --> 1306.320]  She heard what?
[1306.320 --> 1307.320]  Decided.
[1307.320 --> 1311.960]  And then he said, because typically we don't even talk about it in house for another month
[1311.960 --> 1313.200]  anyway.
[1313.200 --> 1314.680]  She heard what?
[1314.680 --> 1316.560]  The L.Y. word, typically.
[1316.560 --> 1318.000]  So guess what she did, the Because Challenge.
[1318.000 --> 1322.880]  She said, listen, Mike, because you had a fire this year and because this created uncertainty
[1322.880 --> 1327.640]  with your employees, because you're in temporary office space, don't you think it might be a good
[1327.640 --> 1330.880]  idea to consider picking your plans sooner than later?
[1330.880 --> 1334.440]  Because when you do, it'll create certainty and your employees will know its business as
[1334.440 --> 1335.440]  usual.
[1335.440 --> 1336.840]  No, Mike said, what a great idea.
[1336.840 --> 1338.320]  I didn't even think of that.
[1338.320 --> 1340.440]  Seven-minute phone call.
[1340.440 --> 1341.440]  Seven-minute phone call.
[1341.440 --> 1344.400]  She used because to get what they want, what she wanted.
[1344.400 --> 1347.040]  I teach this to law enforcement, to CIA operatives.
[1347.040 --> 1349.400]  I teach this across the globe.
[1349.400 --> 1352.520]  If you use these words, you can get what you want.
[1352.520 --> 1355.360]  This is my favorite catch-up cup story.
[1355.360 --> 1360.360]  Allow me to introduce you to my three sons and my husband.
[1360.360 --> 1365.800]  This is my husband, Lee, my oldest son, Angus, and our two little ones, our babies, Charlie
[1365.800 --> 1367.280]  and Jack.
[1367.280 --> 1374.520]  See, when the nurse said decided, the doctor decided, I said to her, well, you know what?
[1374.520 --> 1378.960]  Because I travel on all these planes all the time, this isn't an option for me.
[1378.960 --> 1379.960]  Is there another option?
[1379.960 --> 1382.000]  She said, yeah, there's this hormone pills.
[1382.000 --> 1383.680]  And I said, well, how do they work?
[1383.680 --> 1388.280]  And she said, well, typically you have to be 35 years or younger, Janine, to be able to
[1388.280 --> 1389.280]  take the pills.
[1389.360 --> 1390.520]  And I said, wouldn't you agree?
[1390.520 --> 1392.280]  I'm not a typical patient.
[1392.280 --> 1397.400]  She said, yes, and I go, because I'm not a typical patient, and because I travel so much,
[1397.400 --> 1401.840]  and because I have the money right now to pay for this other way, would you be willing
[1401.840 --> 1405.080]  to ask the doctor if he'd make an exception?
[1405.080 --> 1406.640]  And she said, I'll give it my best.
[1406.640 --> 1412.400]  And she walked out, and lo and behold, I got to open up my catch-up cup to three times
[1412.400 --> 1413.560]  the amount.
[1413.560 --> 1415.000]  So I have three sons now.
[1415.000 --> 1416.600]  My dream has come true.
[1416.600 --> 1418.040]  So let me ask you this.
[1418.040 --> 1421.240]  Can we meet again, and I hope that we do?
[1421.240 --> 1424.600]  What will be your favorite catch-up cup story?
[1424.600 --> 1425.600]  My name's Janine.
[1425.600 --> 1427.840]  Thanks for playing with me.
[1427.840 --> 1428.280]  Thank you.