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transcript
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S
3.2
3
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2,588
Female
Development
i don't know if i can get to that point on my own. i don't-
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N
3.2
4.2
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like you said on one of your streams, once, you said-
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and you can't explain it.you can't explain it.yeah. it's like with red poles, oh my god, she wears a weave or she wears a wig and it's like, well-
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exactly. and i just think when they get old and nobody cares about them and nobody cares about freshandfits and the whole brand and the whole-
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we put all our old people in old age homes, we don't have to deal with that, but at some point we're going to have to. yeah, at some point we're going to be-
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that's why i always say the personal is not political. don't make it political.
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4.2
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because sometimes we get so caught up in these tropes, sorry.
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H
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well, it was actually you and the levels that helped me get passed that.
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X
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you're not even fit enough to have my babies, you dirty little-
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H
5
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i'm sorry, that just sounds funny. yeah. yeah. you want these babies? you going to earn them, bitch. because you haven't yet.
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Development
harder-most women i know want to have their smacked pretty much every time-
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to me, it's just a minor thing. it doesn't seem that big. i feel like-what?
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whatever. she would have her hand on my lap all the time. and i thought that was super sexy. but that was just her thing. she always liked doing that. and i didn't even know i liked it until she started doing it. i was like, "oh."
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whatever happened, it just wasn't happening. and i bugged out after that because i'm like, "bro, am i fucked up? is something wrong with me?"
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3.8
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Development
don't get me wrong, you perform with all legs, but there's some people who-
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yeah. they did a video at usc and they were asking all the women there, "how much did she make?" and i remember woman said, "500k." and then she said, "is that a lot of money? i don't know."
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H
5
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we can talk about loneliness. hey, everyone, let's talk about solitude and depression.
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2.4
3
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Male
Development
i just suspect certain families just have that in them and the others don't.
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Development
you do. that's okay. you look at a zoom call and you find that valuable and that's fantastic, i don't.
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A
4
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rather than just being there.yeah.being there is just different.
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Development
so when i have too much online stuff, i feel worse.
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i am autistic.are you?yeah.okay.it is hard for me to understand how i'm coming off to people, and i'm very blunt.
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Development
well, i did have issues with what you do.
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Development
pushed the boundary and i don't feel happy with it. i need to go for a second. and then he was like, "oh, so you think that punishing shailen with space is a good idea?" and i was like-
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A
3.8
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... "that's not what i said, actually." hi, sara.
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A
4.4
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Development
but i was like, "that's not what i said, actually. and i just think that maybe instead of abusing shailen to the point where she's sobbing, that you could maybe just regulate your own emotions."
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X
4.4
2.6
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Female
Development
and he was like, "oh no, what you're telling me to do is be abusive. now see, chat, this is a real abuser. women do this all the time." and i was like-
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4.6
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Development
i was like, "is this real?" i was like, "is this real?" but he didn't know that i knew steven.
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... to the point where it's just obsessive.
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it was just really fucking weird. so not stalkers where i'm feared.
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it was my most useless era, but my most self-important era. you can imagine.
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4.2
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Development
the main issue i have with porn is how accessible it is to kids because then it becomes a sexual script.for sure.especially if it's violent and it's objectifying and dehumanizing towards women.
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certain just sexual mores in general i think it's harder for men to see us as equals if they're seeing us being degraded.
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yeah. but i hate the word crazy. i think that people look at you as crazy and look at anna very different. i think that anna was like-
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i'm very, very defensive of anna when people are like, "she's crazy," because i know that-
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so it just bothers me that i think that we treat people how they ask to be treated. so if she's like, "no, this is a no for me." it's not like-
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no, he was getting people to surveil me around bad jokes that i've said, and i was like, "i thought you were against cancel culture." what is this?
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... that would die and it would be like whatever. i was like, "oh." but everyone thinks they're a one when they're about to kill themselves. you know what i mean? so it's just when you're like-
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i have an open door policy. in this hypothetical, i have a cottage, i'm baking everyone cookies, i'm letting everyone come into the house and we're in [inaudible 00:03:15].
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i'm in survival mode, but not with my relationships. my relationships feel great, but i'm in survival mode because i'm constantly scared i'm going to drop dead.
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and then she doesn't give a fuck. but in my brain, i was so frantic that-
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i'm like, "okay, i notice this, not ready to change it yet, but at least i notice it."totally.
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4.4
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... nobody sees me. and then he goes out in public and nobody sees him because of the way he's portraying himself. he's not being vulnerable. he's not doing all these things.
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3.4
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Development
i guess max... i don't know. max doesn't care. he's like, "let's humanize people," and then dehumanizes them constantly. i don't know what the fuck he's doing.
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sure. but i think i could actively tell i was doing it and i was like, "i did not like that."
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yeah, it was just the one stuff. and then i don't like the idea of numbers and categories for people because i think that people are all so complex that-
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sure, and i think the same. that's why i was like, "we can have fun here." but then when it got important, i was like, "i don't know about this."
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but i felt so much shame in that, and then i watched some of his videos, and i was like, "oh wow. i do feel less alone. i've humanized myself. i have more grace with myself."
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N
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i think i'm pretty weird. i think that he just sort of-
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H
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i think that you ask really good questions that really get people to introspect, and i love to introspect, so i was like, "huh."
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i try. i try. i can't fucking do it. i need a lobotomy.
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U
5.4
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... perfect.no, i feel that too. i feel that too. when i was like, "we should do the open relationship," and he was like, "okay," i was like, "what do you mean okay?"
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4.8
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i was like, "what do you mean okay? so you don't care if someone else fucks me? what do you mean?" and he was like, "not really." and i was like-
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H
4.6
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what i really want to do is age regress with connor. when you meet someone who is so-
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H
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there's a lot. there's a lot going on.yeah.i think it's interesting that you said that you want... because i tell connor all the time, one of our-
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4.6
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but also it's like, "yeah, this is me. i should learn. i should put snacks next to my desk because then i know how to do this with myself." i'm an adult woman.
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3.2
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i do really just like... i don't even want to work. i just want to-
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we were making, up until right now, i'm unemployed because i just quit only fans, but we were making pretty-
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4.6
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yeah, he is. and he better be fucking happy with it.
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N
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but he's not someone who's like, you're not pulling your weight.
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this is a problem. i think he just likes me. i'm very much someone who is very leisurely.
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4.4
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oh, interesting.yeah. something about me is i do really like the taboo. i get in my own head. i overthink and then i get selfish and then i'm like-
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H
4.6
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he's so different to connor also that it made me like, oh, this is interesting. i wonder, right?yeah.and having the space to wonder-
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protected me from so much guilt and a shame cycle that would have made me cheat on connor ultimately.
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yeah, it's not. and honestly i don't feel the need, again, because it's open i don't feel the need to force something.
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yeah. that's funny because i'm jewish and they don't believe in therapy, but they do believe that it's just natural to be neurotic.yes.this is just it.
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i see you, but i'm just like, i can't change you, so i've just got to fix this here. i've just got to fix myself. i've got to hug myself.
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like when you have a narcissistic parent, you feel worthless outside of them.
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the person that is giving you your worth and taking it away and giving it back and taking it away and giving it back and taking it away.
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[inaudible 00:02:59] i think that's true in a normal situation. again, when you grow up with a narcissistic parent, you are worthless until you're out of that household and then you're like, wait.
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yeah. so it just feels like, i don't know, [inaudible 00:03:18] say dpd feels like... i don't know, it often sometimes just feels like a death sentence.
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it's the whole, you need a partner to change.
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oh my god, my mom, dude, my mom goes out with connor.
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for 20 years and mine would never, so if that makes him a girly boy, i don't know.
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and he doesn't even want to look at it because he wants to see himself as a good person so desperately that he can't look at it because it will make him-
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N
4.8
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Development
yeah.that's all it takes.i think i don't believe in good and bad people.
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but that's scary, especially if you want something so bad.
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five more times, she ends up jumping off of a building, breaks both of her legs, like-
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here, with these people that don't understand you and you're just like, it's like-
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yeah.what does it look like or what happens in their brains when they're hanging out, when none of them are like that? are they just...
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same way. i think i do the same thing to people, "do you want this?"yes.i just say that, yeah.yeah, i just [inaudible 00:00:48]-but i think in my-
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if you say, "do you like me?" it sounds like i'm an insecure fuck.yes-because i just need to hear it, yeah. but it's more about i don't want to waste my time and i don't want to overstep your boundaries, that's why i'm asking.
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but i'm also extremely bad at being on discord.okay, perfect.i think i'm just really, really bad on...
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yeah, no, it's a little annoying. so if we would ever have to do something, i can't be live and he needs to go live and have me on there, basically.right.but i'm not...
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yeah, i don't really know who watches me. it's like some of steven's viewers, but maybe 5% or less, like 3%, then i have my own thing.
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everyone has a body, why is this not okay? it feels so backwards. i feel like we're...
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i don't like that. did you guys see the whole thing about us not feeding guests?yes.no, what?
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Development
their friend or there always being kids at your house-
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H
4.4
3.6
4.6
2,592
Female
Development
mentality. but people were so mad about this, in the whole world, that sweets don't feed the kids.
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H
5.2
4.6
4.8
2,592
Female
Development
and everyone is just sitting like this like nothing is happening, like they don't want... yeah. and it looks so funny to me.
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H
4.4
5.2
5.2
2,592
Female
Development
yeah. i actually got told that i was one from a girl.
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A
4.6
2.8
4.6
2,592
Female
Development
but now people just use it, of you're a young female and i don't like you.
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X
4.4
4.2
4
2,592
Female
Development
i think here's the thing. yeah. and i think i didn't grow up being the hot girl. i didn't grow up that way. it just kind of...
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X
4.4
3.2
4.4
2,592
Female
Development
i don't really know why i would want to be here. everything in america is so mathematic. everything is straight roads, nothing looks like-
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H
3.8
4
4.4
2,592
Female
Development
everything just looks so plastic to me. it just looks like everything is man-made. and it's like, here's a lake. someone made it, like...
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S
4.6
2.6
4.2
2,592
Female
Development
i can never force someone to want to hang out with me. but i feel tricked if i've decided to do that. and then they are not there.
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A
4.8
2.8
4.6
2,592
Female
Development
this is really rude. why are you listening to music? i'm here. we should talk to each other. and i was like, "i just told you."
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S
3.4
3.2
4.2
2,592
Female
Development
was just that the entire time. and for me, after a while, i just got so tired.
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A
5.2
3.2
4.4
2,592
Female
Development
but that only lasts for a while, sadly. and that only last... so what is going to happen after that? you're not going to have a job. you're not going to have anything figured out for you.
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H
4
4
4.2
2,592
Female
Development
people like that i feel like are making the world worse.
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