| [ |
| { |
| "post_title": "I don't feel original anymore.", |
| "post_text": "When I was in high school a few years back, I was one of the highest competitors in my school. I joined the high school band in freshman year and by senior year I became one of the best in my section. My academics were always straight and I exercised daily. Senior year I enlisted in the military and now I believe it was one of my worst decisions in life. Before I went to boot camp I was motivated, a patriot and believed that the elite joined the military. In senior year I never applied for any scholarships and I was offered one but turned it down because I already signed the papers. I thought I set myself up for success. Now I believe I was dead wrong for joining. The only benefit I see so far after a year and a half of service is that I'm trying to set myself up financially before I get out and hopefully attend college. It sounds like a plan but I feel no happiness from what I do at all. I convinced myself there's no honor in it anymore, it's just another job. I don't exercise by myself anymore. I feel like I'm not progressing anywhere in life being in service. I'm just a body and if I wasn't here doing what I'm doing, there'd just be somebody else doing the exact same. I'm replaceable. That's the mindset the military gave me. I look forward to going back home in 6 months for vacation and that's the only thing I've been looking forward to since I've been stationed. After that, the only thing I have my eyes on are getting out of service, going home, being closer to my family again. There's nothing here that satisfies me and I hate it. I feel like I've tried everything to be happy here but it seems impossible. I wish somebody could help.", |
| "annotations": [ |
| [ |
| "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down", |
| "yes" |
| ], |
| [ |
| "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless", |
| "no" |
| ], |
| [ |
| "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy", |
| "yes" |
| ], |
| [ |
| "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ", |
| "yes" |
| ], |
| [ |
| "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual", |
| "no" |
| ], |
| [ |
| "Poor-appetite-or-overeating", |
| "no" |
| ], |
| [ |
| "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way", |
| "no" |
| ], |
| [ |
| "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television", |
| "no" |
| ], |
| [ |
| "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much", |
| "no" |
| ] |
| ] |
| }, |
| { |
| "post_title": "I don\u2019t have anyone to talk to and I don\u2019t know what to do anymore", |
| "post_text": "Nine years ago I was diagnosed with depression and generalised anxiety disorder, Six years later I was also diagnosed with PTSD due to sexual assault trauma, and finally stopped living in denial and got a formal diagnosis plus started treatment for anorexia nervosa. my life\u2019s kinda been a train wreck for the most part. I always remember being deeply sad with an overly critical and hateful view of the world around me (human kind are doing nothing productive for the earth and it would be best if we walked hand in hand to extinction to save the planet kind of hateful) or for some periods of time feeling like I\u2019m buzzing with happiness, in which times I felt unstoppable. With my first diagnosis, my first set of meds followed, I trialled quite a few over the years but when I decided they didn\u2019t work for me I tried self medicating with anything I could get my hands on and ended up with major substance abuse issues. I\u2019ve now just managed to get myself sober and maintain it for the last month.\nI feel as if I\u2019m being sucked into a giant pit of despair I can\u2019t get myself out of and It\u2019s progressively getting harder to leave bed. \nI get panic attacks before and during leaving the house because I\u2019m terrified someone\u2019s going to hurt me. I only go out to get groceries and even then sometimes I get there, panic and can\u2019t leave the car so I just go home. \nI can\u2019t sleep properly anymore due to horrible nightmares. I can never shake the feeling that I\u2019m a giant burden to everyone in my life so I can\u2019t talk to them about when I\u2019m struggling. I\u2019ve isolated myself so much over the past few years I don\u2019t have a single friend left. \nI\u2019d like to try medication again but I\u2019m too terrified to try anything and have panic attacks thinking about taking something to shut up my mind in fear of getting addicted and out of control. Has anyone else struggled with this? What helped you overcome it? ", |
| "annotations": [ |
| [ |
| "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down", |
| "yes" |
| ], |
| [ |
| "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless", |
| "yes" |
| ], |
| [ |
| "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy", |
| "no" |
| ], |
| [ |
| "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ", |
| "no" |
| ], |
| [ |
| "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual", |
| "yes" |
| ], |
| [ |
| "Poor-appetite-or-overeating", |
| "no" |
| ], |
| [ |
| "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way", |
| "no" |
| ], |
| [ |
| "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television", |
| "no" |
| ], |
| [ |
| "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much", |
| "no" |
| ] |
| ] |
| }, |
| { |
| "post_title": "Stuck between moving forward and killing myself", |
| "post_text": "Some background information: My GF of almost 3 years broke up with me over half a year ago and ever since I have been severely depressed. It wasn't a bad break-up, just a sad one. Shortly after the break-up, I noticed I wasn't dealing with it well at all. I couldn't do anything but cry and wishing she would come back. I went to a psychologist and he diagnosed me with Major Depressive Disorder (MDD). I still had friendly contact with my ex, but I was just hoping she would come back. After an emotional call, she told me to take a few months for myself. And so I did, but I just got worse. I couldn't do anything. I stopped working, studying, playing sports, everything, because I had no energy or motivation for it. I almost got admitted to a psych ward, but it was still my choice to do stay there or not. I chose to not do it as I had a bad feeling about it. October of last year, I contacted her again and we met for the first time in months. It was supposed to just be friendly, but talking about the relationship was inevitable. She said to me she would never take me back. She wasn't angry, but just serious and honest. It broke me even more. The next day I sent her a goodbye text and was close to killing myself. She called just in time and we had a good talk. Though a few weeks later, when things look better and we actually had made plans to meet up as friends, I got a panic attack and sent her emotional texts. She sent me a long one back and then blocked me. I then attempted suicide again, this time getting hospitalized. I have not directly spoken to her since. It was either via other people or letters. Last December I sent her a suicide letter, but I quickly regretted it. My brother sent her a message for me, apologizing to her and telling her I'm okay. Then for Christmas, I sent her a simple card, but never got a response nor did I expect one to be honest.\n\nAt this point I have accepted she won't talk to me, that she will not come back to me and probably will never do so. However, I cannot accept never getting a chance with her again. In March/April she is leaving the country and I fear I will never see or talk to her again in person. All I need is to talk with her and some understanding. Though I know I have messed things up so bad. I have put so much stress on her. I have done everything wrong while I knew better, but still I did it.\n\nSo far I have been diagnosed with MDD and Persistent Depressive Disorder (PDD)(so a double depression), and they said I show signs of anxiety, bipolar disorder, and a personality disorder (e.g. avoidant, dependent, anti-social, existential OCD). I am still at the early stages so I won't have a definitive diagnosis for a quite some time still. What is certain is that there is something really wrong with me. Most of it originates from my horrible childhood and upbringing. Only the MDD was actually caused by the break-up. Still, my ex thinks she and the break-up are the main causes of my current state, but that is simply not true. Of course, I cannot tell her as she won't speak to me nor believe me.\n\n​\n\n**Now here is my dilemma: I feel the pressure to move forward with my life. I feel like I have to take on all these life responsibilities again; that I have to live my life to the fullest. I always felt like that, but because I keep overthinking everything I become this passive person who does only the minimum. I feel incredibly weak, pathetic, and scared to do almost anything, like a little kid in grown man's body. Even though I know I can do some things well, I just do not have any solid confidence. If I do nothing then my life won't get better and I will for sure never get back with my ex. Though I don't see the point of putting in all this effort to do things if it doesn't make me happy. I don't even have the energy or motivation for it. Every time I hear someone say: \"Move on!\", \"Man up!\", \"Do \\[this\\] or do \\[that\\], I already feel the pressure and it cripples me. It's not even that I don't want to do it. I really want to live a good and healthy life, but it's like I am incapable of doing so. Seeing other people getting further in life also paralyzes me as well as watching vids on how to improve myself. Everything just scares me and paralyzes me. Still, I know it's the only way out of this and my only chance of ever getting her back. However, there is no guarantee I'll get her back. So that thought is depressing on its own. And don't get me wrong. I know there are other girls out there. That is not the problem. I am not ugly and I can date girls, and I have done so for months already. I have had bad dates and great dates, and I have met great girls I could picture a relationship with, but it simply doesn't do it for me. I want my ex. Even when I put all the emotions aside and try to rationalize it, then I still want her. Right now I just feel trapped. Moving forward won't make me happy. It is not enough. Though sitting still and doing nothing won't make me happy either. At this point, suicide seems like the only solution, but even that is a scary and hard thing to do. However, I feel it's the right thing to do as I feel far too broken and useless to continue this unsatisfying life. I wish there was some magical solution. I wish my ex would give the benefit of the doubt. I wish she would give me another chance. I wish she would make that sacrifice to help me. Though I know that that is ridiculous. I know that I have to do it all by myself; that it is my responsibility... but I cannot do it anymore. I am hopeless, desperate, and dysfunctional... What can I still possibly do?!**\n\nCall me anything you want, swear at me, tell me I am a pussy, call me cringy, give me those hard truths again. Do it if you want.\n\nThanks for reading.\n\n​\n\nTl;dr: GF of 3 years broke up with me over half a year ago. I want her back, but I made every mistake there is. I plunged into depression and I got diagnosed with several mental illnesses. I feel the pressure to move forward, but it's crippling me. I am too weak and scared to go on, especially when I won't get my ex back. I feel absolutely worthless and pathetic. Right now the only solution seems to be suicide because even if I go on I won't be satisfied and happy...\n\n​", |
| "annotations": [ |
| [ |
| "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down", |
| "yes" |
| ], |
| [ |
| "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless", |
| "yes" |
| ], |
| [ |
| "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy", |
| "yes" |
| ], |
| [ |
| "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ", |
| "yes" |
| ], |
| [ |
| "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual", |
| "no" |
| ], |
| [ |
| "Poor-appetite-or-overeating", |
| "no" |
| ], |
| [ |
| "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way", |
| "yes" |
| ], |
| [ |
| "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television", |
| "no" |
| ], |
| [ |
| "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much", |
| "no" |
| ] |
| ] |
| }, |
| { |
| "post_title": "I need help on how to help my girlfriend.", |
| "post_text": "My girlfriend ,of about 3 months now ,has been my best friend for about 8 months and we have always talked about depression because she saw me as one of the only people she could go to to talk about this kind of stuff. Just recently though she has been cutting a lot more and it\u2019s out of my control. I used to be able to talk her out of it, but now I can\u2019t. She has a lot of stuff going on with her home life and school. I guess what I need help on understanding is what I can do besides just being there for her. Is there anything I can do? What can I say to help her?", |
| "annotations": [ |
| [ |
| "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down", |
| "yes" |
| ], |
| [ |
| "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless", |
| "yes" |
| ], |
| [ |
| "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy", |
| "no" |
| ], |
| [ |
| "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ", |
| "no" |
| ], |
| [ |
| "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual", |
| "no" |
| ], |
| [ |
| "Poor-appetite-or-overeating", |
| "no" |
| ], |
| [ |
| "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way", |
| "yes" |
| ], |
| [ |
| "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television", |
| "no" |
| ], |
| [ |
| "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much", |
| "no" |
| ] |
| ] |
| }, |
| { |
| "post_title": "I've been feeling this way for some tine", |
| "post_text": "I'm alway feeling like this. It doesn't even matter the age we are anymore. When we are feeling low it's just that. I've been dealing with depression/anxiety since I was 12/13. It comes with just a long story that I was never able to overcome it. I tried to seek help and when she tried to suggest medication since I was already angry I just never went back. \nI just got to a point where I just say I'm ok when asked HOW ARE YOU? It's just easier to say I'm ok, than explaining how I feel. \n\nnight time is the worst for me since I'm alone in my room. I've tried to text people that I was once able to do, but that turned out wrong for me so I guess I don't have that option anymore. \n\nI've done things in the past where I am trying to avoid but as selfish as that may sound to others I found my comfort in that. I don't want to do that anymore. Finally admitted to myself that I cannot do this anymore by myself. \nThis whole year has been a night mare for me but I still tried and I feel like kept falling deeper and deeper. Like being in a coma but with my eyes open. Like being in a crowded room and yet I'm still feeling alone, boxed in, no way out. I've become so afraid of being alone, that I am alone.\n Lost valuable friends, a great partner and I cannot get any of it back. \nI held back on telling people how I feel with the fear of losing anyone else. But that hold inside me makes it worse and I know that, but I don't want to lose anyone else. I don't know if I would, but that thought is just there. I feel as if I sleep walk awake. Sorry it just been to much. My heart beats fast, with just even writing this my head hurts from it all. \nI want to tell people how I feel the ones matter, but its that fear that hold me back. Don't know why or where this all came from but it's been even harder to get myself together. Maybe I deserve to be alone. I deserve to not have you as my friend. I just feel lost and empty.\n ", |
| "annotations": [ |
| [ |
| "Feeling-bad-about-yourself-or-that-you-are-a-failure-or-have-let-yourself-or-your-family-down", |
| "yes" |
| ], |
| [ |
| "Feeling-down-depressed-or-hopeless", |
| "yes" |
| ], |
| [ |
| "Feeling-tired-or-having-little-energy", |
| "no" |
| ], |
| [ |
| "Little-interest-or-pleasure-in-doing ", |
| "no" |
| ], |
| [ |
| "Moving-or-speaking-so-slowly-that-other-people-could-have-noticed-Or-the-opposite-being-so-fidgety-or-restless-that-you-have-been-moving-around-a-lot-more-than-usual", |
| "no" |
| ], |
| [ |
| "Poor-appetite-or-overeating", |
| "no" |
| ], |
| [ |
| "Thoughts-that-you-would-be-better-off-dead-or-of-hurting-yourself-in-some-way", |
| "no" |
| ], |
| [ |
| "Trouble-concentrating-on-things-such-as-reading-the-newspaper-or-watching-television", |
| "no" |
| ], |
| [ |
| "Trouble-falling-or-staying-asleep-or-sleeping-too-much", |
| "no" |
| ] |
| ] |
| } |
| ] |
